You Are (Not) Complete
by BardInTheForest
Summary: Shinji is chosen from amongst the multiverse to provide something to a mysterious benefactor following the fight against the 14th Angel. Starting over again, he chooses to try harder to be a better person. Unfortunately for Shinji, it isn't as easy as simply trying.
1. Chapter 1

+++++ 14th Angel + 0 (0)

Shinji stood in the dying light of the latest in a long line of worst days of his life, observing the Fourteenth Angel roaring in rage at the ineffective attacks of Units -00 and -02. "Why are you here, Kaji-San?" The refined octuple agent was, at the moment, watering a sizable patch of watermelons. Compared to the dead and dying grass surrounding them on the hillock, the lush green fruits and thick vines showed signs of immaculate care.

"Well, since my moonlighting came out into the open, I'm not welcome on the combat roster." The agent smiled up at Shinji, "So, here I am, watering the plants." He hummed tunelessly as he dutifully dampened each inch of the loose soil.

"At a time like this?" Shinji kept his gaze across the horizon, the Angel laying waste to everything around it.

"It's because it's a time like this," Kaji smiled in understanding. "Between Katsuragi's breasts is nice too, but in the end, I want to be here when I die."

Shinji frowned at Kaji, then across the way at the fight. Sure, they weren't doing great, but Asuka was going to win. They always won, he just got in the way. "Die?"

"That's right," the suave rogue nodded solemnly. "It's said that if an Angel makes contact with Adam, who lies below here, humanity will be eradicated in the Third Impact. The only thing that can stop it is the one thing with power equal to an Angel's, the Evangelion." Kaji gestured out to where Unit-00 was making a desperation charge, "Shinji, the only thing I can do is stand here and water. But you, you have something that you can do. That only you can do. Nobody is forcing you. Think for yourself, and make the decision by yourself. Think about what you ought to do now. You know," a violent explosion rocked them both, "so you don't have any regrets."

The Fourteenth Angel roared, just as Shinji looked over. "No regrets," the Third Child muttered aloud. Clenching his fists, Shinji took off at a dead run towards the emergency access passage that would lead to the Evangelion hanger bay.

Watching the young man run to the fate he had steered him towards, Kaji set the watering can down and sat heavily on the ground. With his knees bent, and the back of his pants soaking in the water from the ground, the spy frowned with self-loathing. "I hope you don't have any regrets, Shinji-Kun. Because I just gained another ten or so." Pulling out a cigarette, he sighed, "I'm scum."

+++++ 14th Angel + 0 (0)

"I guess this is it," Misato whispered as the titanic invader climbed down the shaft towards the bridge. "All of it was for nothing." Sliding her beret off her head, she let it drop from nerveless fingers to the ground below.

"Shinji!" Maya cried out, pointing at the camera feed of the Eva gantries.

"Hey!" Shinji cried, waving his arms, "Get me into Unit-01!"

"You are no longer an employee of NERV," Gendo's cold voice reverberated through the intercom. "Why should I allow you access to our resources?" Light reflected from his orange-colored lenses, removing the last vestiges of humanity from NERV's Commander.

"Because…Because I'm the pilot of Unit-01!" Shinji slammed his fist against his heart, stepping forward defiantly, "Because my duty is to defeat the Angels!" The challenge hung in the air, everyone waiting to see if Gendo Ikari, stone cold asshole, would let the world burn before allowing his son another chance at success. Misato gripped the cross around her neck, praying fervently for a miracle thaw in the man.

A single nod set a flurry of activity into motion. "Get the entry plug ready! Science, prepare the LCL injection," Misato's laser focus returned to the fight. They weren't out of it yet, apparently. "Tactical, how long before we have company?"

+++++ 14th Angel + 0 (0)

Shinji felt the rushed nature of the A-Ten connection. Awareness of Unit-01 spread throughout his body rapidly, a feeling similar to being rushed awake by an unexpected crash in the room as he slept. Gripping the control yokes, he felt the magnetic locks restraining his chariot release, and he dashed forward.

The Angel had arrived at the command level. Its odd folding arm pulled back, a strike to obliterate the commanders of the pests that dared oppose its might. The next instant, an enormous purple fist blasted through the wall separating the deck from the Eva gantries, crushing the Angel's odd mask to the side and sending the metallic blade off wildly.

Unit-01 gripped the Angel with enraged strength, slamming the upper section face-first against the wall atop one of the magnetically-charged rail lifts, "Misato!"

The Tactical Commander understood instantly, "Launch!"

Shinji felt the inertial gravities driving his lungs down through his stomach, but anger, adrenaline, and a renewed sense of purpose gave him the strength to roar his defiance into Zeruel's ear as he ground its face against the wall on the ride up. When the lift reached its apex, it threw the beast uncontrolled through the ruins of a nearby building, and Shinji landed atop it and began to pummel his foe.

Desperate to defend itself, the Angel struck weakly with one of its folding arms. Unit-01 caught the appendage, its projected A. T. Field strengthened enormously due to Shinji's unyielding wrath as well as his determination to protect everyone, sending ribbons of metallic-looking flesh spraying in streamers behind its fist. "You won't," he hammered at the core, "hurt my friends," the core began to crack, "anymo-"

Beep.

The cockpit went dark, the lukewarm yellow emergency lighting turning on around him, "No." He tugged at the control yoke, "No! Not now!" Bracing with his foot against the center console, Shinji roared in frustrated anger as he pulled against the grips, "Moooooooooooooooooooooooove!"

Something inside of Shinji Ikari fractured. Instantly he saw millions of shadow versions of himself, some curled in a ball crying, others tearing their hair out after finally losing the last tenuous hold on their sanity, yet more simply sitting in weary resignation. Some younger than him, some older. Each acting just slightly differently as they reacted to the situation before him. His eyes narrowed, taking in details that became more disturbing as he looked at them longer. The lights on his console weren't moving. The sinus wave that indicated his heartbeat had frozen. Just as he went to reach out to try touching one of the shadows, everything around him came into sudden sharp relief, "Hello, Shinji." A soft, unfamiliar, voice echoed through his mind, "You, my pet, are not like these others."

"Who…what are you?" Looking around him, trying to place the voice's source, "Answer me!" No regrets. He was not going to allow himself to fail now, he had to save his friends!

"Why Shinji, you're all snug inside of me and yet you ask what I am?" Laughter, the rending of steel, carried around him, "I am the Beast. I am the End. I am Evangelion." The monitor directly in front of him sprang to life, the connections severed, and he could see out into the world once more but feel none of it. "You intrigue me, Shinji Ikari Two Six Five Eight Zero Zero Three Seven Four. You are unlike any of the others I have connected with." Zeruel was frozen in place, held back by a distinctly human-looking Evangelion-sized arm, "Would you give anything to win?"

"I won't lose," Shinji growled, "not now. Not now that I understand what it means to be a pilot! If I knew then…if I knew then I never would have run away!" His heart seized, a tearing sensation emanating from his chest out to his limbs, echoing back and forth faster and faster. His vision began to narrow, and suddenly his hands began to fade from sight, "Wh-what i…?"

"I'm giving you what you've asked for, Shinji." The voice turned hungry, "I'm giving you a chance to win."

He tried and failed to scream as he disappeared, the last vision he was able to grasp as he melted into nothingness was the grim visage of Zeruel glaring at him in indescribable hatred.

+++++ 3rd Angel + 0 : Friday (1)

"Due to the state of emergency," Shinji jumped back from the phone as if it were a live taipan. He was at one of the few remaining pay phones in Tokyo-3. The receiver swung limply on its cord as he stared down in shock and confusion. Turning quickly in different directions, he tried to rationalize where he was with what he had been doing. He was not inside Unit-01, he was standing near the intersection he met Misato at, for the first time. His clothes…the clothes he had been wearing the day he…the day he arrived in Tokyo-3. He swiveled, noticing his luggage, and began to rummage for his belongings. Everything was in its place, the things he had lost when Asuka threw her tantrum in his room, the S-Dat player, everything. The same hot, oppressive, air. "Did I…did I travel back through time?" The overbearing sun failed to warm the chill that gripped his body, "That's…that's impossible. Hallucination?"

A screech of tires brought his attention up to a sky-blue Renault Alpine, swerving to a stop less than a meter away. "Sorry I'm late! Get in!" The door thrust open, and inside sat Misato Katsuragi. The same Misato Katsuragi that was back on the command deck. She wore the same clothes, the same sunglasses, held the same pose.

"Mis-," Shinji decided to play it safe, "Miss Katsuragi?"

"Miss?" Misato laughed, "Get in, and call me Misato."

Shinji scrambled into the car; If he were actually here, if this wasn't just a fever-dream brought on by whatever that weird voice was…the Third Angel. The pair were quickly racing down the road, Misato's combat-honed driving skills on full display. Raking through his memories for anything he could use to validate that he had indeed somehow gone back to the beginning, "An N2 mine!"

"What?" Misato looked to the side, noticed the bomber on approach, "Oh hell no!" Slamming on the brakes in the center of a tunnel, she mentally counted down. "The approach vector, they'd be dropping…now," she ticked off the seconds on her finger, as she reached three she dove over and hauled Shinji into a protective embrace. When the explosion forced a gale of air through the passage they had taken shelter in, she grit her teeth hoping that the damage wouldn't be too bad. "Thanks, Shinji." She gave him that heart-stopping smile, "Didn't think you were a military buff." Dropping the car back into gear, she left segments of her tires behind as she flew through the now rubble-strewn streets of Tokyo-3.

"I…studied the N2 mine," Shinji stammered, "for a history project." _I'm back in time! I'm actually here!_ Catching sight of Misato eyeing him oddly, he smacked himself a couple of times for show, "Sorry, that was an enormous explosion. Studying it doesn't come close to actually experiencing it."

Misato's face softened, "Quite the greeting to receive on your first day in a new city, yeah?" She blew out an explosive breath, "I know you're not used to combat, Shinji. Nothing in your experience would have prepared you for that, so don't worry. It's ok to be nervous, the first time." Shinji's blush set her off on a gale of laughter, "In combat, you bad boy."

"Of course, Misato-San," Shinji looked down at his hands. _I'm the only one who remembers. I've got to be. If Unit-01 sent me back, nobody else was close. Maybe…maybe Asuka or Rei? I'll have to feel it out. But what about everyone else? Did they…die? Cease to exist?_ Special relativity was not a concept Shinji Ikari could be accused of familiarity with, as even basic Newtonian physics still troubled him.

The two passed the rest of the ride in silence. Misato becoming worried that Shinji may have been slightly traumatized by the brush with the non-nuclear bomb, and Shinji trying to puzzle through the few means he had available to prove he had actually gone back in time without coming across as completely insane. Once the violet-haired beauty had the car parked, she paused before getting out, "Shinji," he startled, looking around and realizing where he was, "I want you to know that what we're doing here…at NERV, it's really important. Mankind is in trouble, that bomb was dropped on something that's trying to kill everyone. Just…keep an open mind, ok?" Shinji nodded, not trusting himself to say anything without giving up everything, and the pair exited the vehicle to begin the longer-than-necessary trek to the gantries.

+++++ 3rd Angel + 0 : Friday (1)

Whereas the first time, Shinji had been going through mental preparations to meet his father again, he spent the entire second trip following a very lost, though unwilling to admit as much, Misato staring blankly out into space. He was going to fight the Third Angel again. He was going to fight _them all_ again. Each blow, each painful experience, each…another chance. His brows knit together as he realized suddenly that he wasn't going to be dealing with anything he hadn't already done.

" _Shinji!_ " He startled again, Misato drawing his attention to her, "This is Doctor Ritsuko Akagi." They had come to a halt before the elevator, with the doctor once again stepping out and intimidating Misato into stammering through an apology. Only this time, when she tired to introduce Shinji, he was staring off into space.

"I'm sorry," he spat out reflexively, bowing in apology.

"We're late," the bottle-blonde rolled her eyes. "Follow me."

The elevator ride up to the Eva hanger was filled with banter as Ritsuko coolly dissected Misato's excuses for becoming lost in the GeoFront. Shinji returned to his own thoughts, the case for success climbing as rapidly as the lift they rode, far above the self-doubt that typically plagued him. He could win. Not just win, he could defeat the Third Angel handily. His fists began to clench and unclench rhythmically, his body spooling up for the forthcoming fight.

Walking out onto the catwalks, which felt empty without Units -00 and -02 alongside his -01, the young pilot focused his eyes on the purple and green giant. He was dimly aware of a few comments, when Ritsuko spoke, "This is the Ultimate All-Purpose Humanoid Decisive Battle Weapon developed by humanity. The artificial human, Evangelion. That is Eva-01. Its construction carried out in complete secrecy, it is our — humanity's — final trump."

"And I'm the pilot," he murmured.

"Hello, Shinji," his father's voice sounded from behind him. His father. The man who ordered him to murder his classmate. The man who wanted nothing to do with him, until he had a use for him.

"Father," Shinji looked up, his mouth compressed into a hard line.

"You have been chosen to be the pilot of Evangelion Unit-01," there was an odd note in his father's voice. Was he caught off-balance?

"Is that all you have to say, father? No word for thirteen years, then a simple 'Come'? No, 'Hello, Shinji, I hope you've been doing well'." The Third Child turned away, "You're nothing if not consistent." He pointed at Unit-01, looking at Misato, "Let's get this over with. The longer we wait, the more people are going to get hurt out there."

Misato nodded, "Good priorities." She turned to Ritsuko, "Let's get our boy in the fight. Shinji, Doctor Akagi will explain with the Engineers how to get inside Unit-01. I'm going up to the command deck, I'm the Tactical Commander, that means that from the start to the finish of the operation you do as I say, when I say, got it?"

"Understood." Shinji bowed to the warrior, "I am in your care, Commander."

"Get out there and give 'em hell, Pilot," Misato bowed in return.

+++++ 3rd Angel + 0 : Friday (1)

Shinji sat inside the entry plug, waiting for the LCL injection that had once again not been mentioned to him. "Hello?" His voice a mere whisper, hoping that something inside of the purple colossus would help him understand if he was just dreaming as he lay dying beneath the Fourteenth Angel's assault.

"I read you, Shinji," Maya's image popped up on-screen. "I know, it's a little overwhelming, but you'll get the hang of it." She smiled, trying to exude calm, "Now the hard part. We're about to inject something called LCL into the plug. It's a liquid you can breathe, so stay calm, take deep breaths, and you'll be just fine."

"R-right," Shinji's embarrassment at being caught talking to himself instead giving the impression that he was nervous about sucking a liquid into his lungs. Two jets of the LCL blasted into the chamber, and instinct kicked in. He set his head back against the rest and closed his eyes as the vile substance reached his chin. Taking one last, deep, breath he blew all of the oxygen in his lungs out and inhaled deeply of the semi-liquid. Swallowing his disgust, which never became easier, he opened his eyes and looked at Maya's, giving a thumb's up.

"Good man," Misato's picture popped up alongside Maya's. "Ok, Science, let's get this rolling faster."

"Ok, Shinji-Kun," Maya's eyes were gentle, soft, he had never noticed that before, "we're going to be synchronizing you with the Evangelion. I need you to sit back, relax yourself, and blank your mind out as best as you can. Just let yourself float."

The procedure, which had seemed alien to him so long ago, was now second nature. The trick, of course, wasn't to focus on nothingness. Instead, he focused on the Eva itself. The way it moved, the way it became an extension of his consciousness. As his mind floated free, he felt for the voice that had spoken to him just hours ago.

"Senpai," Maya's voice was muted as she turned away from her microphone, "look at this score! He's hard-lined the pre-A-Ten limit."

"I see it," Ritsuko muttered. "I don't believe it, but I see it." Then, louder, "Run diagnostic pro-"

"Belay that," Gendo called from his perch. A smile hidden behind his clasped hands, "Begin the A-Ten connection procedure."

Shinji felt the connection clank into place, the warm-ups over, and when he opened his eyes he could see the world around him. The catwalks, the cranes, the flow of engineers finishing up the last-minute checks on the equipment that would send him rocketing skyward to fight a monster with a monster. "Nothing," he muttered. No voice, no odd presence.

"You're doing great, Shinji-Kun," Maya chirped enthusiastically. "Connection at eighty-two point six percent and stable," she turned to Misato, "Science is go."

"All right," Misato slapped her hand down, "Evangelion Unit-01 Launch!"

The pressure at the base of his gut…thrilled him. He was here. This wasn't a dream, it couldn't be. Not anymore. What kind of dream contains the sensation of your stomach being crushed under several times Earth's normal gravity? When the ride ended, and he was tossed briefly upward in his seat, he saw the monster that had haunted his dreams for so long. His first failure.

Standing with a hunched appearance, long green limbs dangling limply, Sachiel seemed to contemplate Unit-01. The Angel's huge bone-plate shoulder pads combined with odd spikes along its shoulders gave it an almost sports-like appearance. All of this was peripheral, however, to what Shinji knew was the piece of real import. Brazenly displayed for anyone to target was the red central core. A darkly glowing orb of life that allowed the Angels to move, without which they were just so much biomass.

Misato's voice intruded on his reverie, "Just try taking a step, Shinji."

Instinctively reacting to his Commander, he stepped forward. It wasn't the awkward, fumbling step he had taken the first time. No, this was a confident stride, a practiced motion performed thousands of times, honed by repetition after repetition, and aided by a growing desire to rectify a horrifying black mark on his record. "That red orb," Shinji had the beginnings of a plan, "what is it?"

"Unknown," Misato frowned thoughtfully. Her pilot was taking to controlling the giant mecha like a professional, "Shinji, attached to your shoulder is a bladed weapon, we call it a progressive knife, or prog-knife for short. I want you to pull it out and take a practice swing while the Angel's giving us time."

His shoulder pylon opened, and Shinji retrieved the knife, again based purely on instinct and repetition holding it in the ready position. "It's moving," he uttered.

"Ok, get ready to defend yourself," Misato switched her view to an overhead shot, trying to get a good grasp of his options for evasion, if needed. "Have you ever been in a fight, Shinji?"

"Once or twice," Shinji's face broke into an eager grin, "someone tried to take something incredibly precious away from me. When I stood between them and it, they attacked." Sachiel thrust its arm forward, attempting to grab the face of Unit-01. This time, however, Shinji knew exactly what it would do, and dropped his knife low. Grasping the hilt with both hands he lunged and shoved it with all of his might into the glowing red sphere that dominated the Angel's midsection. His A. T. Field was active, this time. His A. T. Field was _dominant_ this time.

The knife roared to life, vibrating its way through the exposed core of the Third Angel as easily as an electric carving knife through moist turkey meat. Enormous cracks spider-webbed through the surface, Sachiel twitching violently as they did. The Angel's response to losing was, again, an attempt at creating a Pyrrhic Victory. It wrapped its limbs around the victorious purple behemoth and swelled.

Misato, who had been caught off guard by the quick thinking of her fourteen-year-old pilot, shouted, "It's gonna self-destruct!"

Gritting his teeth at the effort, Shinji braced his A. T. Field. He wasn't going to wake up in a hospital bed. He wasn't going to collapse like a child. He wasn't going to let himself run away. He had won, this time. He was going to walk off the field of battle, victorious. He was going to walk out of the Eva. _He was not going to be a burden anymore!_

The world became a sea of flames around him. The cross-shaped explosion rocketing skyward and shattering windows for kilometers. The pain was exquisite, a living thing eating away at his body. Heat, stabbing, cutting, a million different sensations crawled across his body as Shinji screamed his defiance. Five long seconds he stood in a gout of flame, visible from space. The sixth second came, and Unit-01 slumped forward, taking a knee as Shinji breathed heavily in the now-painfully warm LCL, "I did it." He looked out at the city, "I won!"

The Command center broke out into cheers, the declaration of victory by the teenaged Pilot unleashing a communal sense of accomplishment. The Angels had returned, and with the help of an unlikely pilot, they won the right to see tomorrow. "Shinji," Misato called over the noise, "Shinji, come in."

"I'm…I'm here," Unit-01 staggered back upright.

She sighed in relief, "Are you all right? Can you walk back to the lift?"

"Y-yeah," Shinji nodded. "Just…give me a second. It feels like I was standing in an oven." He slowly unclenched his hands, wincing as he felt his clothing move along his flesh. It was like the encounter at Mount Asama all over again, only this time there was no comforting hot springs waiting for him.

"Captain, I leave the clean up to you," Gendo stood from his perch on the command deck and walked away conferring with his second in command.

Misato watched the man walk away with a sense of worry.

+++++ 3rd Angel + 0 : Friday (1)

Shinji sat wearing a dressing gown in the private medical office of Doctor Ritsuko Akagi with a growing sense of anxiety. After dismissing his complaints about residual pain, she began an extensive series of tests. The purpose of these tests, of course, was being kept from him. By the second hour of sitting still, he decided it was past time to speak up, "Doctor," he waited for a response. "Doctor?"

"Hmm?" Two sets of diverging bar charts shuffled on the screen before the distracted scientist.

"I hate to disturb you, Doctor, but I'm starting to feel hungry," his stomach's rumbling added its opinion to the discussion.

Ritsuko sat up and blinked, "Oh. I…I'm sorry, I forgot you were still here Shinji-Kun." With a sigh, she looked at the time, "It's late, do you need someone to…you don't have a place to stay." The distractions of the physical realm seemed to collide in her consciousness all at once, and she winced, "Well. That's unfortunate, isn't it."

"I'm sorry," best to stick with the classics. "Is there…maybe a cafeteria that's open? I think I have some money left from my trip here." He frowned, "Except…my bag is with Misato-San."

"Well, this is my fault." Ritsuko stood up, "I'll get you some surgical scrubs, and we'll go get some food." She smiled, maybe this would earn her some points with Gendo. Yes, this would do nicely. "How does that sound, Shinji-Kun?"

"I still don't have any money," he shrugged. "It's ok, I can wait."

"No, no," the bottle blonde tossed him a pair of blue scrubs, "I insist. I'll pay, since this is clearly my error." His smile of gratitude hit her like a freight train. Rooted in place as he slid off the examination bed, she watched as he ducked behind the curtains to change into the first clean clothes of his new life. That smile was so innocent, full of nothing but earnest gratitude. How long had it been since anyone looked at her like that?

"Well," Shinji stepped back around the curtain, a lop-sided grin on his face, "do I look ready for surgery?"

Ritsuko walked over, and gripped his shoulder, gesturing towards the door, "So, Doctor Ikari, you have some interest in medicine?" The door slid open, and with Ritsuko leading the way, the pair walked down the lonely, quiet, hall. "Maybe a career once you're done saving the world?"

"Oh," the Third Child blushed, "I think I'd have to have a better grasp of physics and chemistry than I do in order to properly become a doctor, wouldn't I?" Looking down at where he was walking, he frowned, "I…had someone try to explain thermal expansion, they used the human body, or parts of it, as an example. I understood the concept, kind of."

"I see," the bottle blonde nodded. "Well, the basics of thermal expansion are fairly rudimentary. Cold objects compress as the atoms that compose them become less active, and warm objects expand as the atoms become excited." She gestured, "Some objects, like that door, don't experience a great deal of thermal expansion without an extreme change of temperature. The reason for that is the bonds between atoms are strong. But in objects that are filled with a gas, like a balloon or a football, thermal expansion becomes an issue. If you don't account for it, you can ruin many experiments. When objects with strong molecular bonds do experience contraction or expansion, it's typically accompanied by a violent change in their physical cohesion."

The pair turned into the cafeteria, and Shinji nodded slowly, "So…that's why I was kind of confused. I was applying it to my desk." He sighed, "I'm an idiot."

"No!" Ritsuko laughed, "Actually, what you were doing makes perfect sense, from a learning standpoint. You were attempting to apply a concept to something you had immediately at hand."

He smiled again, grateful that she made it seem less idiotic than it sounded to him. This time, he saw the look on her face as he showed his gratitude, "Doctor?" His smile dropped, "Is something wrong?"

"Shinji-Kun," she paused. A million thoughts flew through her head, competing desires, contrasted flaws, fears and concerns. She stepped forward, extending her hand in the more Western style, "Please, call me Ritsuko."

"R-Ritsuko-San," Shinji fought against the instinct to bow, instead awkwardly extending his hand to shake hers. "Sorry, I…I think I hide behind formality. I didn't mean to offend you."

"No," Ritsuko shook her head, clasping his hand in both of hers, "I'm sorry. I get the feeling that life has given you lots of reasons to do so. And just as many to hide your smile." She twitched, "I mean intelligence." Spinning away, walking towards the short-order line, "I think I'd like to spend time with you Shinji-Kun. With the proper tutoring, you could become someone truly special."

"Tutoring?" Shinji blinked, "You mean…?" He caught up with her, as Ritsuko ordered them both sizable meals. Walking apace, he accepted the glass she offered and went to pour himself tea.

"I mean you are the product of two extremely capable people. Yui Ikari was, without question, one of the brightest scientists the world has ever seen. Her theories in metaphysical biology, combined with her work in bioengineering and biochemistry, put her up with the all-time greats." Ritsuko nodded, "And yes, that is jealousy you hear in my voice. I'm still trying to piece together, from the notes she and my mother left behind, how to improve the Evangelion you piloted."

"I'm sure you can do it, Ritsuko-San," Shinji's eyes were alight with confidence in the woman he knew as intensely focused and creatively intelligent. He turned his head, facing the cook, "I doubt my father would bother retaining anyone that he had no use for. And he's always only had uses for people with talent."

The comment, boldly stated and clearly deeply held as true, added fuel to the fire blazing in the doctor's mind. "You really don't like your father, do you Shinji-Kun?"

Shinji's frown showed through for a second, then he shook his head. Choosing to allow the motion to speak for him, rather than risk revealing more than he ought to about where he had been and what he had seen. Things were already a little different, but controllably so. If Gendo found out about his coming back through time, things may…take a turn for the worse.

"I guess that's only natural," Ritsuko guided him towards a nearby table, each carrying their tray of food. "I didn't get along with my mother, either. She chose a career that required her to be away all the time. While she accomplished many great things in her life, one of them wasn't attending any of the ceremonies where I received awards."

Shinji nodded, tucking into his meal, "I'm sorry to hear that, Ritsuko-San." He blew a bit to cool the fish down, "I'm sure you worked harder than I ever have to get where you are, and that you should be recognized." His mental sigh increased with his frustration, she couldn't know about the feats she managed to accomplish with the Angels. She hasn't done anything yet. "Do you really think you have the time to waste working with me?" Shinji swallowed, and smiled self-deprecatingly, "The people I…studied with, they always called me Stupid Shinji."

"Are you willing to apply yourself?" Ritsuko dissected her food, choosing elegance over speed. "I don't mind if you don't understand, what will bother me will be you not trying with everything you have." Rolling her chopsticks in one hand, she tapped the table with her other, "Like I said, Yui Ikari was brilliant. You may just have a variance in learning style that prevents you from succeeding in a traditional environment. I can't imagine a product of Yui and Gendo would be 'Stupid'."

"I'll give you my full effort, Ritsuko-San." Shinji nodded firmly, maybe this could be a better life. His mouth grew back into the smile he found becoming more and more comfortable, "Maybe, someday, I could help you with something in return."

That smile. Again, that damn smile. It wasn't mocking, it wasn't demeaning, it wasn't even filled with the signals that would indicate a lie. Ritsuko wanted to die of pleasure, someone was actually looking at her like she mattered. Like what she was, _who_ she was mattered! Just as she went to ask him about his living arrangements, perhaps she could arrange an apartment near hers to allow for easier meeting times, Misato appeared in typical Typhoon Katsuragi fashion.

"There you are!" Misato dropped down onto the bench, knocking Ritsuko aside slightly and stealing a few choice morsels, "I've been looking all over for you." She waved at where she had dropped Shinji's bags, "We need to get going soon, you have school in the morning and I still have to show you around my apartment." Turning her energy on Ritsuko, "Thanks for making sure he got something to eat, Rits. He _is_ cleared to be released, right? I mean, no defects? I'll be taking care of him, so I need to know if something is wrong."

Shinji watched, with a strange detached calm, as Ritsuko's face underwent a series of dramatic emotional shifts. It was like watching a Noh performer work with omote, the carved wooden masks used to represent changes in character or mood. "Ritsuko-San?" He smiled as control reasserted itself, with a somewhat humorous snap, and the bottle-blonde unleashed Hell upon the unprepared Captain.

"What did you say?!" Ritsuko bodily turned on the smaller woman, her knees knocking the bombshell back.

"Like I said, I'll take care of Shinji. I've already got permission from the brass." She rolled her eyes sarcastically, "And don't worry, it's not like I'm going to 'put the moves' on him."

"OF COURSE YOU'RE NOT! What the hell are you thinking?" Ritsuko slapped the table, nearly causing a mess that Shinji averted with quick hands. "You're always like this. Honestly."

"She never could take a joke," Misato stage-whispered to Shinji. Elbowing her one-time friend, Misato grinned, "What, were you planning on having him move in with you?"

"It's academic now, Misato." Ritsuko sighed, "You've already received permission from his father, and you know as well as I do that he doesn't like to be asked the same question twice."

Shinji had a look of acceptance on his face that froze both women, "I didn't expect to be living off of the base. My father called me here, I doubt he intended to do much more than throw me in a closet and pull me out when I was needed for whatever it was he had planned. This is better than any number of alternatives I had imagined." He took several more bites of fish, chewing in silence.

"Well," Misato slapped the table, "I'm looking forward to having a new roomie."

"Then you won't mind hosting my tutoring sessions," Ritsuko asserted calmly.

"Tutoring sessions?" Misato blinked, turning to Shinji, "You're having troubles in school?"

"I was being taught off-curriculum," Shinji recalled. "My sensei gave me private instruction, he hadn't gotten around to the sciences. I'm doing fine in literature, and English. My math grades are passing."

"He has potential, Katsuragi," it was now the third in command speaking. "To be honest, on the days when I'm not available, I had intended to ask Maya Ibuki to lend him a hand. What kind of service would we be doing to humanity if our savior couldn't pass the University Exams? Your apartment is big enough to host a tutor, and I'm offering my services as a friend," she turned to Shinji, who smiled at the vote of confidence. She shrugged, "And, if it doesn't work out with you living with Misato, we can always find another arrangement."

"Doesn't…Hey, I'll have you know I'm a fun girl to live with," Misato protested. "You'll see Shinji." Memories of housework, of horrifying culinary disasterpieces, of laundry and Yebisu and loud movies at bedtime all raced through Shinji's mind. Unfortunately, they also raced across Shinji's face. "All right, Ritsuko, you've scared him! Come on, Shinji. Let's get going. I'm not going to let Miss Prissy Britches scare you off the roomie life before you've had a chance to experience it."

Shinji was hurried away from the table, his bags shoved into his hands. Twisting his head around, he called back over his shoulder, "Thank you for the meal, Ritsuko-San!"

+++++ 3rd Angel + 0 : Friday (1)

The light pollution of Tokyo-3 remained unchanged. The clock read 2311, but Shinji could see no shadows looming along the highway. "I'm surprised I was able to be enrolled so quickly," Misato's commentary on his new school reminded him that he had only been in the city for less than a day. "I would have thought the bureaucracy alone would have forced me to wait at least a few days."

"Well, when I call people they listen." Misato tossed a grin over to Shinji, "Tomorrow's a half day, owing to the Angel attack, so you'll get a little more sleep than usual. Oh!" She waved at the glove compartment, "I got you one of the company issued smartphones, you'll need to keep it charged and on you at all times. If an Angel attacks, that will be how we contact you at school. Buuut," she tapped the wheel, "if you make any friends you can give them the number. Just don't talk to them about NERV operations, ok? Almost all of what we do is classified to protect everyone, understand?"

"Yes, Misato-San," Shinji frowned at the phone in his hand. He never got calls on his old one, the few people that _did_ call used the landline number the school had. Ninety-nine percent of the time the calls were for Asuka.

Misato ventured, "Not many friends, eh?" She lifted a corner of her mouth, "I had a hard time too, when I was younger." Pulling into her parking spot at the sedate speed of forty kilometers an hour, she patted Shinji's leg, "Give people a chance, Shinji. You've got guts, I saw that plain as day in the battle. I'm sure if you reach out a little, someone will reach the other half of the way." The walk up to the apartment was slow, Misato chatting away about the potentials of having a good circle of friends. He wanted to get some sleep, some time to himself, but he also couldn't exactly rush ahead and give up the game. When they reached the door, Misato turned grandly and swiped her card for the door to open, "Starting today, this is your home. So you can take advantage of everything here."

"Sorry for disturbing you," Shinji bowed politely.

"No, no no," Misato waved her hands. "This is your home now, Shinji."

He looked at the ghost of his old home, the past colliding with what for him was the present, and Misato the future, "I…I'm home." It was harder than he thought it would be to get out.

"That's right," Misato shoved him through the door, barely letting him kick his shoes off before pushing him into the main room. "That's the kitchen," with a vague gesture past the pile of laundry, landslide of Yebisu cans, and two bags full of garbage, "that's my room." With a wink, she rolled her hand, "Past my domain is the bathroom. Try to keep the peeping to a minimum."

"I-I don't peep!" Shinji blushed, looking down, "That's…that'd be perverted." Asuka's wailing cry echoed through his mind, and he reflexively looked around for the slap or strike with a hairbrush.

"Huh," the Captain frowned, "maybe you should have gone with Ritsuko. The two of you could have no sense of humor together."

"S-sorry," Shinji bowed again. "I'll, uh, just go to my room." Instinctively walking to the closet he had been demoted to when Asuka stormed the apartment, he opened it to a face full of dusty cleaning equipment. Coughing as the dust blossomed out into the area around him, he waved with one hand and pushed his bags aside with the other to spare them the coating. "It's…it's ok, I'll get it clean. Uh, tomorrow." Sliding the door shut he wiped his face free of the larger bits.

"Shinji," Misato tilted her head quizzically, "the spare bedroom's right there," she pointed to the quite obviously larger side room. "That's the closet."

His jaw set, and for a second, he thought he could manage to not lose it. His knees buckled, and he dropped like a sack to the floor, tears quietly streaming down his cheeks. It was too much. The memories overwhelmed him, the kindness Misato had been trying to show him despite her own pains, the way she was pushing him to exit his self-defined cage of loneliness. The feeling of inferiority every time Asuka berated him. And now, the victory over the Third Angel. Walking away from the fight triumphant. Coming back through time! "It's…it's ok." He struggled to stop his voice from cracking.

Misato stood frozen. A boy, on the verge of manhood, was kneeling like a broken child, crying on her floor. He…boys didn't show emotions like this. This wasn't the powerful-seeming young man from before, how did she react? Should she hug him? Console him? Would he even want that?

Before she could break free from paralysis, Shinji wiped his eyes and stood. "I'll crash on the couch, tonight. Tomorrow, after school, I'll clean up the closet, then start on the rest of the house." Moving his bags next to the second-hand couch, he pulled out his S-Dat player and placed the buds in his ears. Laying, with his face turned to the back of the couch, he closed his eyes and let everything just roll over him. He could rely on apathy for another night. It wouldn't hurt.

The entire process was over before Misato could recover from the second shock. _What kind of abusive madhouse did you come from, Shinji?_ Mama Bear kicked in, and moving quietly into the spare room, she pulled the blanket free from the futon. When she returned to the couch, Shinji had curled into a tight ball, his eyes firmly shut with tears leaking freely. Letting the blanket float gently down over him, she squeezed his shoulder and turned the lights out. If he wanted privacy while he recovered, then privacy she would give him.

+++++ 3rd Angel + 1 : Saturday (2)

When Shinji awoke, to the gentle nudging of a curious Pen-Pen, the sun was just about to grace the horizon. "Hey, Pen-Pen." Shinji smiled fondly at the warm-water fowl, "I bet you're kind of hungry, aren't you?"

The penguin turned its beak towards the kitchen, a calculating look in its eyes. Perhaps this strange human understands…. Turning back with an eager nod, he was surprised when Shinji scratched his underbeak.

"Let's go fix that," Shinji sat up, stretching. "I don't remember where Misato has your food, yet, but I'll see about buying you some smoked sardines today. What do you think?" An eager nod and a happy waddle to the kitchen preceded Shinji, "Good. That's good." With a wark, not loud enough to wake Misato, Pen-Pen showed Shinji where he could find the dehydrated fish. Shinji picked out one of the packs and set some water to boiling. "I bet she set those up there because you were overeating, didn't she?" The penguin rolled its head, not wanting to lie to the nice stranger, but also not wanting to admit to overindulgence. "That's ok, we'll watch each other's backs, won't we?" Another eager nod, followed up with scratches under the beak. "Who needs other friends," Shinji sat on the ground, Pen-Pen eagerly climbing into his lap for more affection, "I've got good friends right here."

Unknown to Shinji, Misato had sat up all night doing research on his past. When she heard stirring, her intent was to catch Pen-Pen before he startled Shinji. Instead, she was leaving bloody marks on her finger to stop from squee-ing with girlish glee at the young man's gentle nature. If he was a year older…or, if she were to wait a year or so. Her door closed, and she decided he could skip school today if he needed to. She could sleep, content that her bird had managed what she couldn't figure out herself how to do.

Shinji delicately set aside the bird just as the pot showed its first signs of boiling. Pouring the fish in, he began to make a small meal for himself from the few things he could find that wouldn't immediately disgust him. A breakfast of rice crackers ensued, with a small side of seaweed soaked in the leftover water from Pen-Pen's meal. Seating himself back on the floor, Shinji enjoyed his meal in the fine company of his feathered roommate, "I can do this. Can't I, Pen-Pen?"

Working a chunk of delicious fishiness down his throat, Pen-Pen turned to consider the stranger. A short series of warks, the hope that better days were ahead for the kind man, and a few nods sufficed to express what he wanted.

"You're right," Shinji sighed, smiling sadly. "I need to have confidence in myself." Swallowing the last of his cracker, he stood, "Enjoy your meal. I'm going to go take a bath. I need to get ready for school."

Drawing a shallow bath, a habit formed by living with two women who demanded the entire building's supply of hot water be reserved for them, Shinji set out his clothes and looked for any suitable toiletries he could use. "I'm going to have to go shopping," he looked down to his phone, "I wonder when I'll get my service card."

It was a vanilla and lavender combination, but it worked well enough to get him clean. He used his finger and Misato's aggressively minty toothpaste to brush his teeth, and soon was ready for the day. He had an hour to walk to school, and he had his satchel empty. A day without food wouldn't kill him, and if nothing else would allow him to simply hide in the classroom while everyone else ran off to escape it.

Writing a brief note, and leaving it where it would be easily found, he tapped his shoes on and stepped out for the day. When he made the bottom landing, he looked around for his Section Two escort. Spotting the front bumper of the tell-tale black car, Shinji nodded to himself, "At least that's not gone anywhere." With that resolved, he stepped out into the first day of his old life.


	2. Chapter 2

+++++ 3rd Angel + 1 : Saturday (2)

When Shinji arrived at school, he realized he had forgotten a very important statement Misato had made the night before. "Late start, because of the Angel attack," he groaned. "Oh well. May as well go up and start catching up on coursework." As he slid the door for his class open, he had just enough time to rush over and catch the falling form of his Class Representative, who he had startled off the step-ladder she was using to fix the lights in the room. "Sorry!" He helped set her aright, then jumped back as if she were on fire, "Sorry!" He bowed, "I…you were falling…sorry!"

He hadn't put his hands anywhere inappropriate, as far as she was concerned, which led to the reasonable question, "Why would you be sorry?" Frowning quizzically, the freckle-faced brunette bowed slightly, "I'm sorry, I don't recognize you."

"I, uhm," Shinji rubbed the back of his head, still looking down. "My name is Shinji Ikari, Ho-how are you doing?" _Don't act like you know her, idiot!_

"Oh, I'm fine. Thank you for catching me, Ikari-San," she smiled, a dimple appearing in each cheek. "I recognize your name from the roster update. The office sent the e-mail to me today, I guess nobody told you that classes start late after yesterday's attack. My name is Hikari Horaki, I'm the Class Representative for 3-A."

"Pleased to meet you, Horaki-San," Shinji bowed again. "Actually, my guardian did tell me. I just…forgot. I had a rough night last night, and when I woke up this morning I rushed off before they were awake." Looking around the room, which seemed in disarray, Shinji set his satchel off to the side, "Would you mind if I helped?" When the young lady's eyebrows raised, he pointed to the desks, "I guess the school got the worse of the attack last night. Wouldn't be right to leave it all to you."

A quick assessment of his eyes led to a tiny smile blooming on Hikari's face, "Please do." Watching him step right into the tasks, she nodded, "And thank you again."

Shinji began at the front of the room, pushing the desks to one side of the room so he could sweep, "You're welcome, Horaki-San."

As she climbed back up the ladder, Hikari decided to further gauge the new student, "So, your transfer paperwork shows that you were studying under a private tutor. Were there no good schools near where you came from?"

"Not really," Shinji went to the closet and pulled out the broom, beginning his assault on the fallen dust. "The closest one was three hours away in a bus, and so my sensei decided to teach me himself." Moving efficiently through the room, he continued to earn points in his once and future peer's eyes.

"That's sad," she frowned, holding the broken bulb she had just changed. "It must have been rather lonely."

He paused, realizing how accurate the statement was regardless of the time in his life she referenced, "I guess it was." Shaking his head slightly, he pressed on, "But it's in the past now."

Moving to another lightbulb, she nodded, "Well, I hope that your first day back in a regular school is comfortable, Ikari-San. If anyone causes you problems, please, feel free to come and talk to me about it." She tapped her foot, "I don't tolerate bullying behavior in my class."

"I don't doubt that, Horaki-San," Shinji smiled. He was honest enough with himself to recognize that he had ostracized himself. There was more than one person that had, before he made it clear he wanted nothing to do with humanity, attempted to speak with him, befriend him, or at least get to know him. Hikari ran a tight ship, and did so without fear or favor. "It takes dedication to show up four hours early for class to make sure it's ready to welcome your peers."

With a slight blush, she looked away, "It's only what's proper."

"If only more people did what was proper," Shinji rejoined. "The world would probably be a much better place, for all of us." Sweeping the last of the dust from that side of the room into a small pan, he missed the appraising look Hikari gave him. When he emptied it into the bin, he stood and turned around, "Are you done on your side? I'll start sweeping there if you are."

Hikari blushed again, quickly finishing replacing the bulb, "Y-yeah."

The rest of the chores passed with little communication. Shinji stepping over to help with lifting whenever Hikari set herself to move furniture, he just smiled and shook his head when he was told he didn't have to go out of his way. Eventually everything was settled, and an hour remained before even the earliest people would begin to show up. "I guess I need to visit the office, so I can be assigned my notebook," he hated to leave the room, for some reason Hikari seemed so much more approachable despite not knowing him at all.

"Oh!" Hikari turned, "No, I have your laptop right here." Ducking over to her desk, the first desk of the first column, she lifted the lid and revealed a well-organized interior. Pulling out the small netbook, which she handed to Shinji, "There are a few open desks." She looked around the room, "Two there, one in the next row there," she pointed out the desks, "and…uhm, well this one too." She blushed slightly in embarrassment as she pointed to the desk next to hers. "Nobody sits there, really. Who wants to be under the constant watch of the Class Rep?"

Shinji frowned. His old desk, still open obviously, only ever led to him ignoring the classroom. _No more floating through life._ "Would you mind?" He tapped the last desk she mentioned, which would eventually become Asuka's desk in the unchanged future, "I may need more help, coming back into school after being gone for so long." He looked away, suddenly embarrassed by his forwardness, "If…that is, it wouldn't be a bother to you."

"No!" Hikari slapped her hands over her mouth, "I mean, yes! I mean, please." She bowed, "I would be happy to help you Ikari-San."

"Uhm," he placed his belongings on the desk, "Sh-Shinji." He kept his eyes on the floor, afraid that the rejection train was about to level the station, "I'd be...honored if you'd call me Shinji." He braced himself for the crash.

"Of course!" Hikari clenched her eyes shut, her voice calmer, "I mean, of course, Shinji-Kun." She smiled, her dimples dancing as self-deprecation oozed off her, "Please, call me Hikari."

"Light?" Shinji slowly raised his eyes, "I mean, is that how it's written?"

"Y-yeah," Hikari quickly took her own seat, trying not to blush furiously. "My…my mom, before she passed, she told me that I was the light of her world."

"Beautiful," Shinji murmured. Realizing what he had just said, his mind locked, "I-uh, I mean…." Letting his head hit his desk, he threw his hands over his head and readied for the inevitable.

"Shinji-Kun?" Hikari gently touched his arm, "Can I ask something that may be a bit more personal than you're comfortable with?" When one eye peered over the edge of his arm, she ventured further, "Did someone…hurt you?" Gesturing to the part of the room he caught her falling in, "You saved me from a nasty fall, didn't grope me, didn't 'accidentally' touch me anywhere inappropriate, and you acted like I was about to lay you out with a roundhouse." His head slowly creeped up, so she pressed on, "Just now, you said you thought my name was beautiful. A compliment I think any girl would be rejoicing to hear. You responded by again trying to protect your head and face." Her eyes, soft and hazel, balanced the harsh line of her mouth, "Please, if someone is abusing you for being a good person, let me help? Let me find you help, at least?"

"It's…." He worked his mouth, trying to find a way to phrase the matter without coming across as a lunatic, "It's in the past." He nodded to the logic, "I…had someone I knew. She would…." He looked away, "She would berate me for even making eye contact with a woman, it didn't matter what age they were." Hikari turned her body to face him, setting her hands in her lap and looking every inch the figure of someone who was giving him their complete attention. "She'd call me a pervert. I…had to live with her, for quite some time. I was forced to do everyone's laundry, so I'd inevitably have to…you know…."

"I understand, Shinji-Kun," Hikari nodded. "I think that's horrible that she forced her chores off onto you then punished you for being kind enough to do them, but I understand."

"If I didn't put them in the middle of her laundry, she'd accuse me of…being inappropriate. She'd call me perverted, and stupid for forgetting, and ask why I was even allowed to live with…her, even asking the same of my guardian at the time." He swallowed, "Sometimes she'd throw things at me, when she yelled that I was a pervert. I guess…I guess it's reflexive to duck and cover now." He coughed, then laughed, remembering that Hikari didn't know him from Adam, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't be burdening you with this, we just met."

"I asked, Shinji-Kun," Hikari reached over and gently gripped his elbow, "and I'm glad I did."

"Wh-what?"

"That's the kind of abuse I was worried about, Shinji. I asked because you seem like a nice person, and if the abuse was going to continue, it'd be my responsibility to stop it. As your Class Representative, and," she smiled, her eyes shining with hope, "as a friend?"

It was something of a coincidence that Shinji lost the ability to speak at the same time that Kensuke Aida came bowling into the classroom, "Class Rep! You won't believe this," his course caused him to completely miss Shinji's presence, "there's rumors going around that a new kid is coming to school today! He's most likely the pilot of that big purple machine we saw on those news stills!" Kensuke spun around, heading for his desk while his mouth moved at a kilometer a second, "I hope he shows up in our class! Imagine all the stuff he knows! I mean, a kid our age piloting hardware like that? Can you imagine?!"

Hikari looked at Shinji, who had closed his eyes and was clearly trying to find peace as he faced the leading edge of a coming storm. The coincidence of the two events had not escaped her attention, but she wasn't going to go prying into the matter. That was the realm of adults, and nightmares. "Aida-San," Hikari spoke sweetly, "if I hear one word from you about the matter while on school grounds, you'll be doing class cleanup for a month." Shinji's eyes snapped open, and she winked at him, "If I find out that you spread the rumor trying to flush that student's private life out into the open," her smile darkened, "it'll be until graduation."

Kensuke's meep of fear was audible from the other side of the room, "Yes, ma'am."

Shinji mouthed 'Thank you' to Hikari, who nodded once, and left the matter alone. He had opened up to her about a very private matter, and that earned him a long, long leash. "So, Shinji-Kun," Hikari shifted the topic to something less personal now that they weren't alone, "do you plan on joining any clubs?"

"Shinji-Kun?" Kensuke's head popped up and finally homed in on Shinji, "New…." His mouth slammed shut as he noticed that Hikari's smile avoided any contact with her eyes. "Pleased to meet you, my name is Kensuke Aida." Standing and bowing politely, he sat back down and began typing furiously into his notebook.

Shinji winced, "No, I…doubt I'll have time. I'd be a poor member, considering my…afterschool obligations." He turned back to Hikari, with a shrug, "So, if you need any help with things. I know how busy being a Class Representative must be," he smiled, "I'd be happy to lend you my help at any time, Hikari-San."

"Really?" Hikari clapped, "Because I have something that I'd love to have help with. After school, I mean."

"Let me call my guardian, after class," Shinji nodded. "She's probably still asleep."

"You're staying with a female?" Hikari's eyes narrowed.

"Not…her," Shinji picked up quickly on her meaning. "Misato-San isn't like that."

"Good," Hikari nodded firmly. "So, what does she do?"

Shinji answered without thinking, "She's a Captain with NERV."

"I knew it!" Kensuke slapped his hands over his mouth.

"Thank you for volunteering, Aida-San." Hikari's voice, sweet and airy, did not match the steel which her face was suddenly composed of. "I'm sorry," she whispered to her new classmate, "I shouldn't have asked."

"No," Shinji sighed. "It's going to come out, it's inevitable." He nodded at the students coming down the hall, "I'll tackle it head on when I introduce myself. I'll try to help you restore order afterwards." He chuckled mirthlessly, "Because I'm positive that everyone will think I'm some sort of weird Rock Star Hot Shot."

"And you would say that you aren't?" The question wasn't leading, it was clear that Hikari was giving him an opportunity to speak his own mind.

"No," Shinji stated firmly. "I'm just Shinji Ikari, and I have the curse of being the only one able to control that monster."

A slow trickle turned into a river, and soon teens began to file past Shinji, filling seats and gossiping in what they believed to be hushed tones about who the new guy was sitting next to the Class Rep. Toji Suzuhara, in particular, was surprised, then put off by the fact that someone was sitting directly next to the freckle-faced beauty. Hikari, for her part, was distracted by taking mental notes regarding the behavior of the students already in class and hadn't noticed Toji enter. Shinji remembered the first introduction to the young man that would eventually become something of an acquaintance, and the memory of his failure to prevent the young man's sister from becoming harmed made the class making a production of his profession all the less appealing. If history held true, and he hadn't saved little Sakura…. Knowing that eventually he may have to hurt Toji, if he couldn't manage to change that part of the future, crushed any last enthusiasm he had for standing up before the class.

Shinji wanted nothing to do with fame. Nothing to do with notoriety. In truth, he wanted nothing to do with Evangelion, but he had no choice. Kaji had been correct, if he had just let the Angel kill everyone he would have taken that weight to his grave. A grave, he was willing to admit, that he likely would have been filling soon afterwards.

When the last students came in, Hikari saw the old teacher from Nebukawa wasn't far behind. "We'll do the introduction once the teacher comes in. I'll explain to him that we have a new student," she paused. "His instruction style is…unique. You'll understand soon." When the teacher arrived at the door, she stood upright, "Everyone, stand! Bow!" Once the old man was behind his desk, "Take your seats!" She walked over to the teacher, speaking quietly about the new student, and the need for him to introduce himself to his new classmates.

"Of course, Horaki-Chan," the old man smiled at Shinji, "please."

At Hikari's short wave over, Shinji stood and wrote his name on the chalkboard in neat, controlled, strokes. Turning about as he had seen Misato do countless times, a shift of his heels, leading to him balanced on the balls of his feet, he clicked his heels together and bowed, "Greetings, everyone." Raising back to his full height, he took a bracing breath and dove in, "My name is Shinji Ikari. No, I can't discuss it. It's classified, and the penalties for discussing it for myself and anyone who hears what I would say are severe, including potential life in prison or death. Yes, I am the pilot you have heard rumors of."

Chaos ensued. Students jumped out of their desks and began to ask all sorts of questions, while Toji sat and glared hot death in his direction, confirming his fears about Sakura, and Kensuke typed furiously all that he could regarding the matter. Hikari tried to restore order, helped by Shinji who calmly and repeatedly stated that any information he had was classified and not available for discussion. It took another fifteen minutes and several threats of the entire class having duty cleaning the school afterwards before order was able to be restored completely. Shinji then bowed to the teacher, "My apologies, sensei. I felt it would be better to get that out before class continued."

"Mmm," the old man smiled, "it does us all proud to know that the young man defending our city understands honor and dignity." He waved both Shinji and Hikari back to their desks, "If only everyone would follow your example." Beginning his lecture, a lecture Shinji could repeat from memory for the number of times he had heard the same speech, the teacher cast his spell of complete boredom over the students. Hikari occasionally turned to see if everyone was at least pretending to pay attention, noticing that Shinji was doing the impossible. He was taking notes.

The next period came, and her opinion continued to increase as Shinji calmly made note of things that he couldn't understand in a notepad on his laptop, blatantly ignoring the flashing icon for the class chat. A few times his notes were wrong, and she annotated on her own notebook to correct his later. It may have only been one day of information, but she was finding herself impressed with the young man's calm and gentle nature, combined with an unwillingness to accept the sudden fame he had thrust upon him. A short break for lunch followed, during which Shinji found new, though still polite, ways to deny any questions regarding his being a pilot.

"Ikari-San," one of the young ladies asked, "what do you do for fun, then?"

Shinji blinked, he wasn't actually ready for a question he had to answer in a non-classified manner, "Uhm, if I don't have work to do I usually play my cello. Or spend time trying out a new recipe I want to eat."

"You cook?" Hikari looked at his empty desk, then back to the small snack she had made herself.

"I do," he shrugged. "I didn't have a chance to purchase anything to cook with, yesterday. It was…kind of busy, and it was my first day in the city." He looked back to the young lady, "I guess my life is kind of boring, when you look at it that way."

"You just got here?" Another student asked, "Yesterday?"

"Uhm, yeah," Shinji laughed. "It wasn't the best day of my life, that's for sure." Hikari had broken off a section of her bread, offering it to him. Taking it with a slight bow, he smiled, "Thanks." As he ate, the door to the classroom flew open and Misato stepped in dressed in her 'I want attention and I want it now' outfit.

"Shinji!" She stuck one leg out, tapping her toe, "You leave me all alone this morning with no warning, _and_ you forget your paycard!" She looked around the classroom, pleased that all eyes were on her, "But thanks for feeding Pen-Pen, he gets cranky if nobody sets his fish out."

"Misato-San," Shinji sighed, "I just managed to get the class to calm down. Couldn't you have called?"

Leaning forward, giving many young men and more than a few of the women a glimpse of her uncanny valley, she dropped her sunglasses and cocked an eyebrow at Shinji, "When a lady does a favor for you, you are supposed to say, 'Thank you, dear'."

"Thank you, _Misato-San._ " Shinji bowed as he accepted the NERV card, "If it's all right, I'd like to stay after school to help out." He gestured to the awe-struck Hikari, "Hikari-San is our Class Representative, and she's asked for some assistance from me with a few things. So long as I don't have work, I thought I could lend a hand around the school?"

"Hmm," Misato tilted her head from side to side, measuring the young woman, "I'm ok with it. So long as you remember who you're coming home to," she winked and waggled her fingers in farewell. "I'm off to work, Shinji, could you try and have dinner waiting when I get home?" With an airy laugh she strutted back out of the school, leaving chaos in her wake.

"I'm more sorry than I could possibly express in words," Shinji turned and bowed to Hikari. "She's…got an outsized personality, and absolutely zero compunction against winding people up for kicks."

The goggle-eyed Class Rep barked out a laugh, " _She's_ your guardian?" With a quick look down at herself, she shook her head, "I didn't think NERV hired supermodels…."

"She's not that great," Shinji stated sincerely as he sat back down. "She's a slob, she eats horribly unhealthily, she has a hard time expressing her real emotions, and if two people she cares about come into conflict she shuts down instead of trying to help resolve the situation." He shrugged, "It's not that she's a bad person, but she isn't the kind of person I think you're feeling her to be."

"She's _gorgeous_ ," one of the nearby male students uttered. "And you live with her?"

"She's my guardian," he stressed. "She's not my wife, or girlfriend. She's…more like an older sister."

"So," another girl asked from next to Hikari, "you don't have a girlfriend?"

"I…I don't have many friends," Shinji answered plainly. "Honestly, I'm not the kind of man that women seek out." The bell rang, as the next teacher approached from the hall, "So no, no girlfriend."

As the next class begun, Shinji failed to notice a new kind of interest being paid to him. By the time the school day was over, his information and statements had been spread across the school. Each of the classes now had a new idol, and without even intending to he had gained a new fame and notoriety by simply speaking his mind instead of murmuring and staying closed off.

+++++ 3rd Angel + 1 : Saturday (2)

Placing his notebook in his satchel as classes ended for the day, he smiled at Hikari, "So, what can I do to assist you today?"

Nodding towards the teacher's desk, she pulled him over for more privacy, "Are you sure?"

"Hikari-San, I told myself yesterday when I arrived in town that I wasn't going to fail at my new opportunities." He gestured to the class, "I can't join clubs. You now know why. What I _can_ do is help you, and in doing so…maybe make a good friend." He shrugged, "I heard what you said before Aida-San came in. I…I just don't think I was ready to admit you meant it."

"Knowing who you live with," Hikari looked back over her shoulder to where Misato had stormed into the classroom, "if I'm being honest I'm more impressed than before." She waved him alongside, and began the long walk to the faculty office, "You can't deny that most young men would be drooling idiots, chasing down whatever jade rabbits she sent them after."

"Yeah," he sighed. "Misato-San thrives on that kind of attention, but she's really not that bad of a person. She's just…a person, you know?"

"Good and bad," Hikari nodded. "This is why I think we could be good friends, Shinji. You're level-headed, you've got manners, and you're not willing to inflate your own ego at the cost of others." When Shinji held the door open for her, she smiled, "Having someone willing to help the 'mean old' Class Rep is also a serious bonus."

"Having a friend who cares about me…." He trailed off, shaking his head and stepping through the door after her.

"So," she picked up a sheet of paper, "our job for today is to make sure each class receives thirty-two copies, and one paper from each stack is stapled outside the rooms." Shinji easily hefted the box containing the rest, "Are you sure? I can help carry?"

"No," Shinji shook his head, "if you staple and I carry, we can move faster. This way, we don't have to set things down and pick them up every time we need to set them out." He bounced the box, "Besides, this isn't that heavy for me."

One of the nearby teachers nodded, "That's an excellent assistant you've found, Horaki-Chan." She smiled, "I wish my Class Rep would take his duties as seriously."

Horaki nodded along with the teacher, "Ok, let's get started." As the two worked through the school, watching the flow of students leaving the campus, they chatted idly about various clubs in the rooms that they passed. Once they reached the final rooms, the discussion had switched to what he had meant when he said Misato was just a person. "So she's insecure? That's kind of shocking, considering from what you're telling me, she's beautiful, brilliant, and deadly."

"She's got a good heart," Shinji shrugged, the box mostly empty. "I think she's just had several bad relationships where she put her heart out ahead of her mind."

"Ouch," Hikari winced. "Yeah, I guess that'd put a cloud in anyone's sky."

"That's why I don't mind that I was forced to move in with her," he folded the box up as Hikari took the last of the paperwork. "Her heart's in the right place, she tries to help people. She just…doesn't know how to take care of herself."

"You can't be her support forever," Hikari tacked the final sheet up. "Unless you actually do become her husband."

"I know," Shinji slid the box into a nearby recycling bin. "And I won't do that. I think…I think she needs someone who's going to challenge her. Someone who won't accommodate her whims, won't let her be the one to set the tenor of the relationship." He turned, a self-deprecating smile on his face, "I'm…an accommodator. It's as much a part of me as my eye color."

"So you too need someone to challenge you," Hikari nodded in understanding. "That's why you've got Katsuragi-San nailed so quickly. It's like looking in a mirror, of a sort."

"Exactly," he leaned against the window sill, looking out at the empty field. "She has me figured out, too. She got me a phone, she got me the paycard, she came to school to draw attention to me. Everything she's done since she took custody of me has been pushing me to find friends. To stop being a shut-in hermit who's so afraid of rejection that he'd spend the rest of his worthless life catering to the first person to lay claim to him." With a sigh, he rubbed the back of his head, "I guess I sound kind of pompous, when I put it like that."

"I think you sound like someone who's never had a good friend who cares about them," Hikari stepped up alongside him. "I'll go back to the office and tell the teacher we've finished." She looked sidelong at him, "If you'd like, I can show you the nearby market. There are some pretty good deals on groceries there."

"I'd like that," Shinji turned towards her. "I know this isn't going to make any sense, Hikari-San, but I want to apologize." He bowed, remembering never giving the young woman a chance to speak with him in earnest before. The memory of her tentatively reaching out, and his wordless rejection of her. "You are a good person, and I'm honored to know you."

"Well," Hikari blushed, "I don't know about all of that, but I'm becoming quite pleased to know you too, Shinji-Kun." She waved him up, unable to take the praise any longer, "If you wait for me by the Western gate, the one with the basketball courts overlooking the apartments? I'll meet you there in just a moment once I've shut everything down."

As he watched her walk away, a small part of Shinji was jealous of Toji. Hikari was a kind, beautiful, and most importantly intelligent young woman. Shaking the thought from his head, he walked down the hall leading to the side exit. As soon as he was outside, the blazing sun blinding him momentarily, he felt a pair of hands grab him and toss him roughly towards the basketball courts. His satchel's strap got tangled around his knee, and he tumbled to the ground.

Again, he was grabbed by someone from behind and hefted up, "So you're the big, bad, mecha pilot?" Toji spun him around and sneered down at him, "Don't look like much to me." Kensuke was standing nearby, unable to really watch, but unable to turn away either. "The one who hurt my sister." Pulling his fist back, the jock swung hard, catching Shinji directly in the eye. The punch didn't hurt, a fact that unsettled Shinji slightly. Was he becoming so inured to the physical pain he suffered in the Eva that a punch from the class jock barely registered? "Sorry, transferee, but I've gotta beat you up! I won't feel right until I've smacked you around."

Unseen by all three, Hikari had caught up with the teacher in the hall and had returned sooner than expected to the doorway nearby. As she was inhaling to berate Toji for striking _anyone_ let alone the young man responsible for them all still breathing, she heard Shinji begin to speak, "Go ahead." The pilot held his hands out to the side, "I'm sure you've got your reasons. Just like I have mine for piloting. I'm sure you think this will in some way protect the people you care about, family, friends, everyone. Just like me." His eyes hardened as he went on, "You think your sister is the only person my failures hurt yesterday? The only person that didn't get to a shelter in time? Did you see the property destruction I caused? The cars destroyed?" His mouth drew down, "How many families are going to have a tough time getting to work now? How many _pets_ did I kill? How many kids are crying, heartbroken, because the most precious friend they have died in an inferno I couldn't prevent? How many families are cold at night because of shattered windows?" He felt Toji's grip grow slack, "How many elders will get influenza, because of drafts? Each step in that monster destroys the road beneath it. How many emergency workers couldn't reach someone fast enough today because I tore up the roads? Each time my opponent fell, it crushed a house. How many are homeless? You want to beat me up, Suzuhara-San? Please, please do. Because I'm going to get in that monster, and I'm going to fight again." He wanted to push Toji into lashing out, "I'm going to fail, somehow, and someone else is going to be hurt because they didn't get to a shelter in time. Some kid is going to have their childhood ruined because they've lost everything in a fireball I failed to prevent." He lifted his chin up, "If this is what it takes to help you find peace, do whatever you have to. Because when the next one comes, and it is coming, I'm going to climb back in that monster and I'm going to do what I must, to win. Because I can't lose. If I lose…." Shinji clenched his eyes shut, "If I lose everyone, _everyone,_ is dead."

Broken from her trance, the Class Rep stormed out, "Toji, what do you think you are doing?"

As soon as he saw Hikari, the jock let go of Shinji, shoving him, which caused the unprepared pilot to stumble back and fall to the ground, "What's it matter to you? You sweet on him?" Sticking his chin out pugnaciously, he crossed his arms and scoffed, "Chasing the new kid like all the other skirts in class?"

"Man, let's go," Kensuke tugged at Toji's jacket, "you do _not_ want to do this right now."

"Why not?" Toji kicked at Shinji's foot, "He ain't fightin' back."

"That's because he has the sense to use his words, you blockhead," Hikari knelt next to the fallen pilot. "Didn't you listen to anything he said? What good would it do to beat you up? _He's trying to protect us all._ "

"Pff, fine. Big talk from a weak boy. C'mon Ken. Let's leave the lovebirds alone." Turning away with a final glare, Toji stalked off. Kensuke stood still, torn between saying something he alone knew, or chasing after the one guy that stayed his pal for all those lonely years. Loyalty won out over whatever other impulses he felt, and he hurried off.

"I'm sorry," Hikari lightly touched beneath the growing bruise. "I shouldn't have let you walk off alone. If I had been here-"

"He would have done it anyway," Shinji sighed. Scraping his hands along his face, he laid back, then rolled forward and stood up under his own power. "Seeing the woman he likes, the one who likes him in return, hanging around another man can't be easy. Even worse, his sister gets hurt by that same man, and he has to sit in class all day listening to the others talk about how 'cool' that man is." He turned towards her, a smirk on his face, "I wasn't lying, Hikari-San. I'm going to fail. I'm going to fail, and people will get hurt. If he had to punch me a few times to move forward, to be there for his little sister?" He faced the retreating form of Toji, "It's not a bad deal."

"You…how did you know he likes me?" Stepping around in front of him, she frowned, "How did you know I liked, and yes that's well and truly past tense after what he just did, him?"

"Guys don't say things like he said, not if they aren't jealous. He's not being manipulative, he's being honest. He hated seeing us work together." Shinji kept his eyes on hers, "And you called him by his first name, without an honorific."

"I…I could just seem him as a brother," she turned away, blushing.

"And if you did, you would call him nii-san," Shinji shrugged. "It's ok, Hikari. You don't have to stop liking him because you're my friend. And certainly not because he has a hard time expressing his feelings without resorting to actions."

"It's because he has a hard time expressing his feelings without doing stupid things that I stopped liking him, Shinji-Kun," Hikari blew out a frustrated puff of air. "I just…haven't really moved on. There hasn't been anyone else in class worth trying for, and I'm not going to date someone just to date them." Digging out her handkerchief, she handed it to Shinji, "You've got a small cut, press that against it. Now, let's go to the market. I need to purchase some stuff for tomorrow's dinner anyway."

+++++ 3rd Angel + 1 : Saturday (2)

The walk to the shopping center was slower than Shinji expected. He let Hikari set the pace, and the young woman was swaying slightly as she walked. Holding her bag behind her back, she seemed lost in thought. Looking down, he nodded to the logic of the situation, "So, I guess I should apologize again."

"Whatever for, Shinji-Kun?" She smiled at him, a look of patience and calm growing on her freckled-features.

"Well, I did kind of prompt a fight on school grounds." Shinji laughed, "And I got blood on your kerchief. I promise, I'll get the bloodstain out and get this back to you."

"One, no." Hikari shook her head, her twin braids shaking with it, "Toji…Suzuhara-San, managed to work himself up into a frenzy all on his own. You have been nothing short of a Priest today, Shinji Ikari. If I had half of your patience, I'd be a much better woman than I am, I assure you." She grinned, facing back towards their direction of travel, "And two, I know you'll take care of the bloodstain. It's why I lent it you."

"Thank you, Hikari-San." He rubbed his thumb across the fabric, "I'll have all the time in the world tomorrow to try. I'm going to be cleaning Misato-San's apartment, and so I'll use some of my old tricks on it to get it nice and pristine again."

"All by yourself?" Hikari frowned, "Her apartment, I mean."

"Misato-San…doesn't do chores. When I walked into the apartment yesterday it was horrible. Mountains of empty beer cans, bags of trash sitting in the kitchen, heaps of unwashed laundry." He pantomimed opening the closet door, "And then, I opened what I thought was the room she had wanted me to take, and it's a storage closet. Inside it was several instruments of cleaning, coated in dust thicker than a towel, and it all smashes me in the face!" He threw his hands past his head, "So I slept on the couch. I decided that the day had been bad enough, and I was going to try to do something about it later."

"If you'd like…I could come over and help?"

Her face was hidden in shadow, as Shinji had to look towards the setting sun to see her. He, therefore, couldn't see what she was thinking as she spoke. Was it empathy? Was it sympathy? "I couldn't ask you to come over and work, Hikari-San. I'm sure you have other friends, people who'd be able to do something fun with you."

"Oh, but I don't mind," she shook her head, "and if you're worried about me working for free…you could always cook us dinner?"

That wouldn't be horrible. Shinji could use the help, and…he could use the company. "I'm not used to having a friend," he admitted. "Part of me wants to jump at your offer, the other part wants to wave you off and spare you from associating with me."

"Then we'll just listen to the part that wants me to help," she nodded firmly, turning back on their path.

As the sun regained its influence over her features, Shinji noticed the slight blush on her cheeks, the introspective smile playing across her lips. _Am I really flirting with…_. 'I stopped liking him, Shinji-Kun.' "I'm making something out of nothing," he muttered.

"Hmm?" Hikari looked at him, her eyes alert, interested in his thoughts.

"N-nothing," Shinji stammered. "I just…what kind of food do you like? I wouldn't want your reward dinner to be something that you hated."

"Oh," Hikari nodded, pursing her lips in thought. "Well, I haven't had pan-fried chicken in forever." She laughed, "My older sister is having a vegetarian kick, and my younger sister mimics everything she does, so…maybe some chicken stir-fry?"

"I can do that easily," Shinji grinned. "I'll make us some cookies for desert, do you like chocolate chip?"

"Shinji," she gave him a level look, "if a girl ever tells you they don't like chocolate chips, run away. Run away as fast as you can and don't look back. They're an alien in disguise." Turning towards the grocers, she either missed or didn't mind the stunned look on his face. She had skipped the honorific, "Let's stop in here first. They have the best vegetables around."

+++++ 3rd Angel + 1 : Saturday (2)

As the duo walked home, their purchased goods carried easily by Shinji, Hikari seemed to be moving even slower than before, "You know, you didn't have to purchase that for me. My sisters could have just gone without until my dad gets paid again."

"I won't always be able to, you're right," Shinji nodded. "But, I don't have anything to spend my paycheck on." Hitching his hip up, displaying the edge of his cellphone, "I checked my account, and my initial payment is more than enough for me to spend six-hundred Yen on something for my new friend's family." _Several thousand times over,_ he thought. "You're not asking for something silly, or selfish, you earnestly are trying to support your sister's decisions. And the deal on that tofu was phenomenal." He smiled, "Besides, now I get to feel happy that I've been helpful, so it's win-win."

"Well, I'll make sure they know they have you to thank," Hikari smiled happily at the world. "I'm sure my little sister will make some silly 'thank-you' card for me to give you."

"She doesn't have to go out of her way," Shinji spoke shyly. "I'm just being a good Samaritan."

"And she's being a good beneficiary of your kindness," Hikari said, rolling her head towards him, "it's my older sister that lacks manners." Looking ahead, she frowned, "Oh no! I didn't mean to make you walk me all the way home," she looked around, "I should have let you head home yourself. I'm sorry, Shinji."

"Uh," he gestured with his elbow, "I live down this street. I've been trying to figure out how to ask you where you lived without sounding like a creepy stalker."

"You…do?" She pointed at a row of houses, two-story buildings lined seven deep, "I live in the third house from the left."

"I live in the apartment complex half a block down," Shinji frowned. He couldn't place any memories of him visiting Hikari before, but it always seemed like Asuka took forever to call and say she'd arrived before. What had she been doing? "Fourth floor, farthest apartment from the stairwell."

"I…wow," she laughed, "I guess it won't be all that hard to come over and help with the cleaning, after all."

"I guess not," Shinji smiled, relieved that she wouldn't have to travel very far at all. "I'll drop you off at your house, so you don't have to carry the bags as far. I'll also give you my number, so you can call when you're ready to come over."

A small blush flowed across her freckled cheeks, "You don't have to carry them all the way, Shinji."

"No, but I want to." He tipped his head towards her house, "It's only polite for me to make sure you make it home safe." Letting Hikari set the pace once more, Shinji saw someone watching from the window on the upper floor of her home, "I think we're being watched."

"Hmm?" Hikari's head snapped up, checking all of her windows and noticing who Shinji had mentioned, "Nozomi-Chan." She pointed directly at the window, which prompted the young girl to throw the curtains shut and hide, "That's my little sister. She's eight."

"Wish?" Shinji frowned, fairly positive he had the meaning, "Your parents are very descriptive with their choices."

"My elder sister's name is Kodama, she's attending university," the Class Rep stated proudly.

"Echo," he guessed. "So your younger sister is the wish for a better future, and your older sister is an echo of your mother." His smile was sad, "Your parents love you all very much, don't they?"

"You…sound like yours don't," Hikari frowned. "Are they?"

"My mother died when I was young. It was…there was an accident with an experiment." His face hardened, "My father…the only reason I'm here in Tokyo-Three is he's the Commander of NERV." They took the few final steps to the threshold of Hikari's home, "He had a use for me. Piloting."

"That's terrible," as she struggled to think of what she should do, knowing now what he lived through to some small degree, Shinji held out the bags with her groceries. When she scooped them up, the door swung open behind her.

"And what do we have here, little sister? Bringing…the hell happened?" Kodama, if Shinji understood correctly, stepped out and gently held his face still. "Stand still, I'm training to be a nurse. This is recent." She looked over to Hikari, "Did someone attack you?"

"N-no," Shinji stepped back, still uncomfortable with people, especially strangers, being close. "There was-"

"Don't sugarcoat it, Shinji," Hikari cut in. "Suzuhara-San punched him. Stupid lout blames Shinji for something that is _not his fault_." The Class Rep was out in force now, "Shinji, being the better man, talked him down from a full fight." She slipped between her sister and new friend, "He was just on his way home."

"Of…of course," Shinji bowed. "Thank you, Hikari-San." Confused, but understanding a dismissal when he heard one, the Third Child stepped off lively and moved towards his apartments. Hushed whispers were exchanged behind him, with Hikari sounding angry and Kodama concerned.

+++++ 3rd Angel + 1 : Saturday (2)

It was late evening when Misato came home, to the wonderful smell of seared pork, "I'm home!" As she leaned against the wall in the small hallway leading from the entrance, she started to unburden herself of her worries as she did her shoes, "Today was so busy. Recovery efforts, restoration efforts, reports, meetings, briefings," she walked around the corner and casually tossed her keys onto the table, "I…I…eye?" Instantly she was next to Shinji, looking at his knuckles and drawing the correct conclusion that it was not a mutual engagement, "Who hit you?" The question wasn't delivered as a curiosity, or even as response-optional, it was the prelude to an ultimatum. Whoever had done this was not going to survive, and there would be secondary casualties.

"It's ok, Misato-San." Shinji held up his hands, "It-"

"Answer."

"Toji Suzuhara," Shinji sighed. "His sister was hurt in the battle."

Misato's eyebrow lifted, "You say that like that gives him license to do this."

"Doesn't it?" When Misato's eyebrow dropped into a glare, he held his hands up for patience, "First, let me get your dinner." Ladling out the ultra-spicy curry sauce (which he found horrendous, but she adored) over a bed of steamed vegetables, fried pork, and rice, he handed her the plate and pulled out two beers for her, "If someone hurt your family, wouldn't you want to hurt them in return?"

"Shinji, _you_ didn't do anything." Misato sat down and grumbled over her plate, "If you hadn't fought, everyone would be dead. And anyway," she cracked open a beer, shotgunning the entire thing, "why wasn't his sister in the shelters with everyone else?"

"I'm not sure," Shinji sat down at the table with his own plate of food, "I didn't really get a chance to ask." He never _had_ asked. How many times had he hung out with them? How many chances to take the simple step of asking what had happened? He knew that Sakura had chewed Toji's head off for striking him, he knew that the jock had eventually either forgiven or at least stopped being adamant about Shinji being at fault.

Misato dug her spoon into her dinner, "Well, I'll be sure to find out for you when I ask him in jail."

"Please don't," there was a quiet strength in his request. "If the first thing I do is get someone arrested for a minor transgression, how am I going to make any friends?" He took a few bites, waiting for Misato to respond.

"He assaulted a pilot," she stated plainly. "He needs to be punished." Tapping her stick thoughtfully, "What would you suggest?"

"I already punished him," Shinji sighed. "You see," he explained, nearly word for word, what it was he had said to Toji. How he saw the rage begin to die, replaced by guilt, then by shame, and finally by a new source of anger. "Hikari-San being there made things worse for him."

"Oh?" Misato grinned, "How is that?"

Shinji missed the look, still stirring his rice. "Toji-San likes Hikari-San. Hikari-San, however, told me that she doesn't like him anymore. Things like today, where he acted before thinking. I can't imagine what it must be like to know that the girl you like, the one you feel you want to marry, doesn't like you in return. To know that she has started to actively dislike you." When he looked up, he saw Misato's face had softened, an understanding nod telling him to go on, "I doubt he's going to try it again."

"I'm still going to talk to Section Two. They should have stepped in to stop it." Misato popped the top on her next beer, "However…I'll wait on doing anything about Suzuhara. If he leaves it at this, then I'll let you handle it," she pointed at him, holding the beer loosely in her grip, "if he doesn't, though, his ass is mine."

"Thank you, Misato-San," Shinji smiled with honest sincerity at his once and future guardian.

"Yeah, yeah," she blushed, attacking her food with renewed vigor. "Just, put your guard up next time, ok? I know you know how to, if you did it in the Eva you should know how outside of it. People'll get the wrong idea about me if I let you go around like that." Dinner passed with small talk, discussions about Misato's day at NERV intermingling with Shinji asking about when he would be expected to report in to assist. Pushing her plate aside at the end of the meal, she nodded towards her room, "I have an early day tomorrow, so I'm turning in. Don't cause too much trouble, all right?"

"I'll have your meals in the refrigerator, Misato-San," Shinji stood, taking the plates and moving towards the sink. "Something you can take in with you, in case you're not ready for breakfast as soon as you wake up." Scrubbing the dishes, he was so engrossed in his actions that he failed to notice Misato's thoughtful assessment of him. To him, this was 'normal', and it just seemed appropriate in his mind to maintain that normalcy in the face of the wild amount of abnormality around him.

To Misato, this was a young man who was acting like he had been programmed to serve. He had her favorite meal pegged, was cleaning the dishes without being asked, had two beers ready for her, and was going to provide her with meals in the morning for her day. She was either the luckiest woman on Earth, or there was something very wrong with Shinji that she needed to address before everything went horribly wrong. It was possible, though seemingly unlikely, that he was trying to show he liked her. Resisting the urge to test him, she quietly moved from the room and left him to his devices. He wasn't giving off any negative energy, and she knew that in a straight confrontation she'd wipe the floor with him. _Must just be trying to put his best foot forward,_ she thought.


	3. Chapter 3

+++++ 3rd Angel + 2 : Sunday (3)

Shinji awoke the following morning with a crushing realization, "I forgot to give her my number." Slapping his hands onto his face, wincing as he contacted the bruise over his eye, he groaned and found that the only options were to walk over to her house and pick her up, or forgo her company entirely. If he simply let things be, he'd seem as if he hadn't wanted to spend the time with his new friend. If he walked over there to pick her up, he'd seem like an over-eager stalker. Rolling off the couch, he walked into the bathroom and began to prepare himself for another day in the life of Shinji Ikari: Unluckiest Lad in the World.

"At least Misato won't be here to see this," he muttered as he brushed his teeth. He spent a few minutes while he vigorously scrubbed his teeth working with the mixture of meat tenderizer and hydrogen peroxide he had soaked Hikari's handkerchief in. The stain would be gone by mid-day, and if nothing else it would at least be a means of apologizing the next day at school. When the landline rang it startled him enough that he almost dropped his toothbrush. Nobody called Misato's landline. If they needed her, they called her cell. When he picked up the phone, he decided to play it safe, "Katsuragi Residence."

An unfamiliar female voice sounded amused, "Shinji Ikari?"

"Uhm, I-yes?" He frowned, who would have this number?

"You know, you really shouldn't let my sister boss you around like that." The woman laughed, "You totally could have stayed long enough to follow through on giving Hikari your phone number."

"H-Horaki-San," it had to be Kodama. "I…what can I do for you?"

"You can show up here in…say…thirty minutes. That will give her enough time to get out of the shower and dressed for the day." Her upbeat demeanor was clear even across the phone, "Oh, and so you don't worry, the school has this number listed as an emergency contact number in addition to Katsuragi-San's cell. My silly sister wouldn't think of using the school roster data like this, which is completely one of the only benefits you get for being Class Rep. Now, please tell me you're going to come here and pick her up for whatever it was you two were planning on? She was moping all night."

"I…uhm…s-sure," Shinji's brain was struggling to keep up with the eldest Horaki sister. Why on Earth would she want to push her sister out of the house to spend time with a boy she'd just met?

"Great! Oh," her voice dropped to low tones, "and I'd take it as a huge favor if whatever you did to protect her, you kept doing it. That punch you took clearly caught you by surprise, and she won't talk about it. But I didn't see a mark on Hikari, and that means you did good Shinji-Kun. If that jackass is threatening boys away from her…well, that just means you're a hell of a lot better for her than he ever was. Buh-bye!" The phone was dead for several seconds before Shinji could even think of reacting to the sudden information dump.

"I…didn't do anything?" He hung up the phone, looking at Pen-Pen, who simply shrugged and returned to his refrigerated paradise. When the door slid shut, it triggered Shinji's panic reflex, "Oh no, I have to hurry!" Throwing on deodorant, he pulled out the next in the series of carbon-copy outfits he maintained. Black slacks and a short-sleeved white button-up dress shirt. He'd never be a fashion plate, and he accepted this fact. Rushing back to the bathroom, he ran a comb through his hair, and looked himself in the eyes, "Am I really doing this? Am I really reaching out to make a friend?" Resting his head against the mirror, he sighed, "Am I really back in time? Am I just losing my mind?" A quick glance at his phone's clock showed he had fifteen minutes, more than enough time to walk down the street, "Kodama-San wouldn't have asked me to show up if Hikari-San didn't want me there. I just have to not…be me." He barked a laugh as he reached the door, "Or, I guess I have to be the not-me that is the new-me." Sliding the door open, he stepped out and shook his head, "Or maybe just be the me that I've been all along, but been too afraid to be."

As he walked towards Hikari's home, he kept running the previous day's end over and over in his head. It was clearly a dismissal, when she said he could go. Now, though, he doubted that it was anything more than her trying to stave off embarrassment, probably for both of them. It wasn't the best ending to an outing he had ever had, but what did he honestly expect? Thinking of her conversation topics, she was trying to get to know more about him. About his past. Is that what people did when they tried to be friends? Getting to know someone else, to know how their life had formed…. "This is a lot more complex than I thought it'd be," he muttered as he stood before the door to the Horaki house.

Checking his phone, he still had three minutes before the half hour was up, he fought an internal struggle to wait patiently or to just rip the bandage off and get the rejection over with. She'd obviously reject him, why on Earth would anyone want to spend their free day helping a perfect stranger clean someone else's mess? He was being silly, coming here. He should apologize and, the door opened. A young lady, clearly Nozomi, stood looking at him with wide, questioning eyes, "That looks like it hurts."

"Hu-hurts?" Shinji blinked, bringing a twinge of pain to his eye, "Oh, my eye!"

"You're silly," she giggled. "If you would please," she bowed, offering a small folded piece of paper.

Shinji bowed in return, a quick duck of his upper torso, and accepted the card. In crude lettering on the front, it signaled appreciation for his efforts. On the inside, it showed a masterful rendition of Unit-01 delivering tofu to Hikari. His eyes widened, and before he could speak he saw her shake her head.

"I'm not going to tell anyone," Nozomi promised. "I know you didn't hurt Sakura-Chan, and I know you didn't have to buy the tofu. You protected us all, and you were trying to be nice to someone you just met." She leaned out slightly, "Please keep being nice to Hikari? She doesn't have many real friends. I'm worried she's going to start making bad friends just to have any at all." The young Sage nodded once sadly, then ducked back inside, " _Hikari!_ " Her vocal range clearly on display, "The guy you walked with yesterday is here!" With a wink, she darted out of range of any potential reprisals.

"The…." Hikari turned at the door, her hair hanging loose, dressed in a soft denim sundress, her bare feet making no sound on the hardwood floor, "Shin…ji…." With a blush that reached her hairline, she shrieked, " _Nozomi you get back here!_ " and darted out of sight.

Kodama appeared next, "That'll teach her to take so long in the showers on Sunday." The elder Horaki Sister tugged on Shinji's sleeve, "Come in, come in. The neighbors are going to start being nosy." Waving off his apology, she closed the door behind him and once more gently took his face in her hands, "Mmm, you heal quick." Her probing fingers felt along the socket, "No bone damage. Good." Her lip quirked into a half-smirk, "Please tell me you popped that idiot in return?"

"I, uhm, no. No, I wouldn't." Shinji shook his head, "Suzuhara-San was just upset because his sister got hurt. I was a convenient target," he shrugged. "Besides, it didn't hurt."

Dropping her hands to Shinji's waist, she took a quick grope of his torso, "Hmm…not as scrawny as you look." So shocked was he by the sudden shift, he didn't step back as she slid her hands up to his chest and shoulders, "My, my…not scrawny at all. What kind of workouts do you do, Shinji-Kun?"

" _Kodama!_ " Hikari slapped her sister's hands away, "Would you stop molesting him every time you see him?!"

"Just checking the goods, sis," the elder sister winked at Shinji and blew a kiss. "If you don't pick him up, I figured I could tempt him." With a laugh the nurse-in-training easily dodged two more slaps and sashayed towards a giggling Nozomi.

"I-I'm sorry," Shinji bowed low, trying desperately to hide his embarrassment, as well as the blush from receiving the praise of both of Hikari's sisters. "I forgot to give you my number yesterday. And I promised you dinner."

"No no," Hikari urged him back upright, "it's my fault. I didn't want Kodama to make such a production of your injury, she's such a worry-wart. I completely forgot that you and I hadn't exchanged numbers, and by the time I remembered you were out of sight."

Once he was on his foundation again, he noticed that she had hastily thrown hairbands on, and one was slightly drooping. The memory from moments before, her hair swaying in a lively manner as she turned, brought a smile to his face. Years later, even after the act wouldn't be more than a humorous anecdote, Shinji could not explain why he did what he did at that moment. Reaching over, he gently pulled the band loose, and combed his fingers through the hair, "You look beautiful with your hair down," he whispered.

"Woo!" Kodama called from the family room, "We got a winner!"

Hikari became a blur of motion, her shoes were tossed on, a small bag thrown over her shoulder, and Shinji shoved out, nearly through, the door. "We'releavingandI'llbebacklatersodon'twaitformeondinner!" The door slammed, and the Class Rep was back in control of herself and the situation around her as she smiled at Shinji, bowing slightly, "After you?"

Somewhere in the whirlwind, she had tossed aside her other hairband and quickly combed her fingers through her hair, and Shinji finally recognized that he had not only touched her in a manner that would be considered by certain future housemates as inappropriate, but had also called her beautiful. The attempted apology wasn't so much a series of cogent words as it was a variety of squeaks and grunts, with his arms locked at his sides and his body bowed nearly in half. His eyes were clenched, and he could feel the slap coming from ten kilometers off.

Hikari, not being even remotely like Asuka, simply sighed in understanding and gently touched his cheek, "Shinji, you're doing it again." She felt him flinch, and tugged slightly on his cheek, trying to get him to look her in the eyes, "You're apologizing for calling me beautiful."

"I'm sorry," he trembled as he stood, "I'm sorry."

"I can see this is going to be a learning process," her smile was kindness incarnate, "but I think I'm willing to take on the workload." Gesturing towards the apartment complex, she took the lead, "Shinji…when you say I'm beautiful, how do you think that makes me feel?"

"Like you're being ogled by a pervert," he responded automatically. "Like a piece of meat on display."

"Oh boy," she sighed. Walking along in silence, she thought through her next words. Someone had programmed him to act this way, and she knew for sure and certain that there wasn't a predatory lech hiding beneath the surface, just waiting to pounce on her. If anything, she'd likely have to be the one to move things forward, or she'd miss out on the opportunity to have a very, very, nice boyfriend. "Shinji, it makes me feel like someone opened a faucet to pour pure joy over my brain. In two days you've paid me more complements, genuine and heart-felt, than I've been given in twelve _years_ of knowing Suzuhara-San." Watching his reactions carefully, she saw his inability to hide anything and found that she herself could not hide a smile, "I can see you struggling with that. I also saw you reacting to the girls in class flirting with you, yesterday. You misread everything they were doing, didn't you?"

"F-fl…flirting?" Shinji blinked several times, "Nobody flirted with me yesterday!"

"Yang-Chan kept reaching over and tapping the back of your chair to get your attention, with her legs extended," Hikari began to recite from memory everything she had grit her teeth through, "Natsuko-Chan leaned forward to give you an unrestricted view, Tsuru-Chan kept toying with her skirt as she batted her eyelashes," she ticked each off on a finger, "Seika-Chan touched your knee with hers repeatedly," she laughed, "I could go on, but I think I've made my point."

"Wh-why?" He was dumbstruck, "Why would they flirt with…with me?"

"Status," Hikari shrugged. "Any number of the ladies at school would dearly love to be able to say they were dating the pilot who defended us all." She smiled in gratitude as Shinji held the door to the main apartment complex open for her, "I won't lie, a large part of the reason I'm over here today is because you aren't the kind of man who jumps at the first pretty woman to flirt past you."

"N-no!" Shinji shook his head in horror, "That's…no!"

"But," Hikari watched as he tapped the button to go up on the elevator, "while you were avoiding all of those other girls…you called me beautiful." He froze, clearly trying to explain himself mentally so he could begin to do so verbally, "And that, Shinji, makes me positively giddy." His head turned, mechanically, to face her. "I would kill to have legs like Yang-Chan, I don't know what kind of exercises she does, but they are immaculate. Natsuko-Chan has larger breasts than Kodama, and my sister is three years older. Tsuru-Chan's eyes are that beautiful seafoam green, and Seika-Chan's voice is a joy to listen to." Stepping past him into the elevator, she set a self-effacing smile forth, "With everything they have to offer you, you're not drooling over them. You're not chasing whatever silly games they'd have you go through to get kisses in closets." Her shrug was a little sad, "You're spending your first days in Tokyo-Three with the Class Rep. With her frizzy hair, her plain eyes, and her crazy sisters."

When Shinji stepped into the elevator, he frowned, "Your hair is not frizzy, it's full of life. You keep it pinned down because you want to put forward the appearance of professionalism and control." Jabbing the button for the fourth floor, he spun, "And your eyes are bright and clear. You aren't lost in daydreams or wishes that can never be, you know what you have to do to help the people around you." He nodded sternly, "And Nozomi-Chan is probably smarter than I am, with Kodama-San obviously starting down the path of serving mankind in ways I'll never be able to." As the car stopped, he held the door open, "I'm honored beyond words that you would choose to spend your precious time with someone as worthless as I am, Hikari-San."

"You're not worthless, Shinji." Hikari stepped off the elevator, "You've been abused, cast aside, and left adrift." Smiling back over her shoulder, "Their loss, my gain."

Shinji stayed silent, confused as he was by the direction the conversation had taken. Once he reached the apartment door, though, he realized he should probably brace her for the interior. "Hikari-San…it's really bad in here." He placed one hand on the card reader, "Really, really, bad."

"Well then," she stood straighter, "it's my obligation as your Class Rep to help you restore order to your living conditions." With a smile built of sheer determination, she tilted her head slightly, "And as your friend, it's my privilege to do the same."

All Shinji could do was nod. She had her mind made up, and he knew that no force on Earth would change that mind once she had her course set. Swiping his badge, he bowed her inside, then braced himself.

Kicking off her shoes, and setting down her small pack, Hikari walked boldly into the house and began taking stock. The shared area was coated in take-out boxes and microwave meals, an entire quarter of the kitchen was dedicated to discarded beer cans, the counters piled high with dishes in various states of decay, half of the small hallway leading to Misato's room and the bathroom was piled high with laundry, and it was apparent that dusting wasn't high on the gorgeous officer's priority list. Tapping her cheek, she nodded to herself, "Ok. Let's split it like this," she pointed to the laundry, "I'm going to sort that into reasonable loads and begin there. Once I have that organized, I'll attack the common area." She turned to the kitchen, "You start on the dishes, and once you have the drying rack full you can corral the cans into the waste bags I brought," she pointed to the small pack. "Once that's done, we'll take a small break and reassess what's under all…this." She waved airily at the mess.

"Yes, ma'am!" Shinji snapped a smart salute and turned to tackle the tasks he had been assigned. To his surprise, a moment later the sounds of Mozart began to waft through the area. He noticed Hikari set a small portable MP3 player up on the table holding the landline, and smiled as she hummed along. Cleaning the dishes went by much faster than he had thought it might, as his mind stayed occupied by the motions of the freckle-faced beauty in his proximity.

She showed no signs of disdain as she sorted out the laundry, quickly starting a load of more durable, darker-colored clothing. The three mighty piles became nine smaller stacks, Misato's more private clothes hidden tastefully under a few towels. "Hard to believe she leaves the house looking like a professional model when she lives…like this," Hikari shook her head. Bags were soon set out, and filled, in an efficient manner. The burnables, the compostables, the recyclables, all bundled for posting. Dusting her hands, she floated over to where Shinji was cleansing cutlery on an industrial scale, "Ok, tag out. I'm not sure where your garbage goes, so you should be the one to take it down."

He nodded, drying his hands and offering the towel to Hikari with a smile, "Thank you."

"Don't thank me yet," she grinned in return, "I may ask you to do something horrifying in repayment for all this help."

"Chicken stir-fry and chocolate chip cookies are definitely not repayment enough, I agree," Shinji sighed. "I promise, I'm not going to balk at anything you ask of me, Hikari-San."

"I'll hold you to that," she waved at the bags, "but for now let's get those out of here."

Shinji made several trips down to the trash zone, the second time down he got a 'thumb's up' from someone clearly involved with Section Two. Returning the gesture, and receiving a nod in return, he made the final few trips faster. He felt slightly uncomfortable with suddenly actually interacting with the enigmatic organization. Taking the chance after the final trip to bundle up all of the cans, he listened as Hikari used her voice to accompany the orchestral movement. The last trip back up he determined to ask her if she played any instruments. He could do this. He could make small talk.

Taking up a towel and drying the dishes to put them away, he waited for a lull in the music, "Do you play any instruments, Hikari-San?"

"No," she sighed, "we never have enough money to pay for lessons, and the instrument, and insurance, and, and, and," she shrugged. "You play the Cello, though, right?"

"Would you like to learn?" He offered easily, putting away the cups, "I won't accept payment, I own the instrument, and the only insurance required would be your father not cuffing me about the head and shoulders for guiding your hands."

"…Do you think you could teach me?" Hikari's voice was tiny, fragile, "I've…never held a bow."

"If you're willing to learn, I'm willing to teach," he nodded firmly. "The person who taught me used to tell me that the best method of learning was teaching." With the rack free, he gestured back to the sink, "I can take over again."

"Sounds good," she pointed to the closet, "in there?"

"Just…be careful," Shinji winced. "They haven't been used…ever, I think."

"Well, they're about to be." Hikari nodded sternly, "First thing will be to use the bath to clean them." Striding over, she slowly opened the door, catching the falling broom and using it to hold back the dust mop and wet mop, "I'm so sorry you walked into this, Shinji."

"Well," he shrugged, "if I hadn't…Misato-San may still be living in squalor. I'd still be back in Nagano, and I wouldn't have made my first friend." Nodding to the logic, he smiled over his shoulder, "So, in a way, I guess this is the price I'm paying to have a chance at a good life."

"A Priest, Shinji." Carting the tools to the bathroom, she shook her head, "A bloody Priest."

+++++ 3rd Angel + 2 : Sunday (3)

Shinji was standing over the stove, working his utensils in time with the Allegro. The meal was taking shape, the house was spotless, the cookies were baking, and Hikari was going over his notes making small corrections. Life…life was good. "Thank you, again, Hikari-San."

"Shinji," Hikari murmured, flicking her eyes between her own screen and his, "I would like it if you would drop the honorific. After today, I think I've earned the right to be just 'Hikari', don't you?" She smiled sweetly up at his back, "I promise, I'm not going to suddenly transform into some red-oni."

The sound of the wooden spoon snapping echoed in the small kitchen area like a gunshot. Shinji's neck bulged as he twitched and tried to reorient himself, "I…so-sorry. I'm sorry." He tried to release his grip on the ruined handle of the implement, but his knuckles refused to relax.

Hikari was up and next to him in an instant, "Shinji, what's wrong?" With firm, but delicate, motions, she worked the broken shard of the remaining utensil free from his hand, "Talk to me." His eyes were wide, the whites all-consuming. She knew that she had said something wrong, that he needed calm and control, "I promise, I'm not going to make fun, I'm not going to tease."

"I…it's…complicated," he finished lamely. His body relaxed all at once as he resynchronized himself with his surroundings, "It doesn't really make sense to me, and I'm the one that's just made a fool of himself." Lifting the other half of the spoon out of the wok, he grabbed a pair of tongs and picked through for any shards that may have come free.

"No," Hikari crossed her arms, "something I said caused you to react that way."

"I-"

"Honey, I'm home!" Misato's voice brought both a sense of relief and foreboding to Shinji. She was home, which meant….

"Misato, do you have to tease him like that?" Ritsuko?! "He has company."

"Company?" Misato materialized near the kitchen, "Oh ho!" Her teasing jibe was cut short when she noticed the cleanliness of the apartment, "Oh…ho? Wait," she frowned, "did you bring your girlfriend over just to clean the apartment?"

"Girlfriend?" Ritsuko frowned at Misato, "Don't you think that's making a few too many assumptions, Misato?"

"Pleased to meet you," Hikari bowed, "I'm the Class Representative from 3-A, Hikari Horaki."

"I, oh!" Shinji turned, "Hikari, this is Misato Katsuragi. You met her when she stormed into the classroom," he rolled his eyes when Misato grinned eagerly at the memory. "And this is Doctor Ritsuko Akagi. She's…uhm…."

"Shinji's personal physician, tutor, and soon to be roommate if Misato doesn't straighten up," Ritsuko bowed politely. "A pleasure to meet you, Miss Horaki."

"Likewise," Hikari smiled. "You never mentioned a tutor, Shinji."

"Well, the offer was made recently," the bottle-blonde shrugged. "With his recent change from private education to a public school, I thought that he would need some help adjusting to his new circumstances." She pointed to the stove, "I hope we aren't interrupting? Misato said she wanted to conscript you into cooking dinner for us, rather than eating at the cafeteria again."

"Oh," Shinji snapped back to the stove, quickly checking over the meal to make sure it hadn't burned for his inattention. "No, no, there should be more than enough. I was going to leave some aside for Misato-San anyway, and I always make too much. Force of habit." He scrounged out another wooden spoon, giving everything a few last turns.

"So," Misato dropped into a chair, holding a beer out to Ritsuko and eyeing Hikari up and down, "is it school policy to help the new kid out, or am I right and you're interested in my man?"

Ritsuko pinched the bridge of her nose, "Misato…."

"Hey, I have a right to know about the competition, ok?" The violet-haired bombshell leaned forward, "I'm right, aren't I?"

Shinji slapped a plate of food down in front of his guardian, "Stop teasing my friend, please." Misato looked up and saw a side of Shinji that the original had never seen, honest anger. He held her attention for a brief second, then turned and smiled gently at Hikari and Ritsuko, "Sorry. Both of you." Serving everyone else out their portion, he settled his own plate between the Doctor and Class Rep, "I hope it's ok, Hikari-S…Hikari." He waited for everyone to try the dish, receiving nods of approval from everyone but Misato before he dug into his own meal.

"So I see you're studying calculus," Ritsuko nodded towards one of the open laptops, "did you just begin the unit?" In her mind, she noted that it was best to move on from Shinji stopping Misato cold before the moody Captain decided to stick her foot in it again.

"We have," Hikari tapped Shinji's laptop, "his notes were missing a few sections from Friday's class, which is what I was helping him out with. He hasn't had a chance to go over the material, or really use any of the lessons, so I was hoping to help him out. It wouldn't be right to have the defender of mankind flunk out of school because nobody was willing to lend him a hand, you know?"

"I agree completely," Ritsuko smiled gently. "To that end, maybe I could include you in our study sessions, Horaki-Chan? Another student really makes no difference, and if you're confident in your knowledge of the material you'd be an immense help to him when I was too busy with work."

"I could help too," Misato sulked.

"Misato-San," Shinji offered an olive branch, "you are helping. I have a place to live, a _safe_ place to live. I have a place I can bring my friends over to study at. I have a place to cook, to practice, and I have Pen-Pen." The bird, who had been working over a plate of sardines, warked in response. "And I kind of rely on you to give me direction when I'm doing my job." He chuckled, "I didn't win that battle all on my own."

"I'd be happy to help in any way I can, Doctor." Hikari gestured to Shinji, "If he ends up having to miss class as often as Ayanami-Chan, he'll need someone to take notes for him and help him catch up."

"She should hopefully be back in class in a week or so, Horaki-Chan." Ritsuko sighed, "Her injuries during the training accident were severe, but not life-threatening. I've cleared her for walking, and once she's strong enough to return I'll make sure she lets her teachers know."

"Rei Ayanami," Misato turned to Shinji, assuming he had no idea who they were talking about. "She's a pilot, like you. She recently had a…training accident," Misato and Ritsuko shared a look, "and hasn't been able to get out and about the way she used to. I'm sure we'll be able to introduce you before too long, Shinji."

"That's…good," he knew his face was giving off all sorts of signals, and he could only hope that they would make it seem like he was genuinely shocked by the existence of another pilot. He hadn't thought to check on her, too overwhelmed by everything else. In the end it was probably for the best, as he probably would have made it obvious that he knew things he ought not. Gendo hadn't rolled her out to prompt him into Unit-01, how would he know she existed? Despite his stupidity saving him, his conscience wouldn't let him off as easy, "I hope she's ok, it hurt when…when that happened. It hurt a lot." Looking down at his hands, remembering the searing pain of the explosion, the control yoke becoming a rod of pain in his hands, "A lot."

"I'm sorry, Shinji," Hikari whispered into her plate. "I should have slapped Suzuhara-San for you. He doesn't understand a thing." She viciously stabbed a length of pepper, "Not a damn thing."

"Nah," Misato grinned. "This way, Shinji gets to keep his chin up. Everyone will know that he refrained from beating this idiot up, and that all this Suzuhara could muster was a single punch that Shinji barely felt." She tipped her beer towards the Third Child, "That's my man for you, kindness and strength all wrapped in a chef's cloak."

"I still can't believe you convinced Section Two to spread that rumor," Ritsuko groaned. "And those idiots taped the damn fight! It's like you're all in school again."

"You…what?" Shinji looked between the two adults, "What rumor?"

"It's not a rumor," Misato frowned at Ritsuko, "Shinji took the single punch. I watched the tape, he didn't flinch a centimeter." She turned back to him, "If you had wanted to, you could have dismantled that jock. But, and I laud you for this, you didn't. You unclenched your fists and used your best weapon," she tapped him between the eyes with her chopstick, "and that, Shinji, is what's being spread through your school. I'm not going to push this further, and like I said I waited for him to do something else."

"What do you mean, Katsuragi-San?" Hikari's eyes narrowed, "I haven't heard anything from Suzuhara-San."

"Section Two interviewed the teachers yesterday afternoon, following the fight." Misato waved vaguely, "Apparently their orders are to avoid interfering so long as your life isn't in danger. However, it turns out that a teacher had already grabbed the young man and when he asked him what the two of you were doing, Suzuhara said that you had started it." Misato's grin was a cold, lifeless thing, "And I'm not going to let him do that, Shinji. The record has been corrected, and copies of the tape have been 'accidentally' left where certain students can find it."

"Misato," Shinji sighed. He ran his hands over his face, trying to figure out how he should respond, how he should feel about her actions. "How am I going to explain that to his sister? To everyone at school?"

"Explain what?" Misato rolled her hand, "The start of the video has the voice of a young girl gushing about the new kid. I doubt you sound that girly," she chuckled. "I honestly didn't think that we had a member of Section Two that sounded like a twelve-year-old, but Hime-San really does. This isn't the first time I've had to dance this dance, Shinji. What he did was beyond reprehensible and attempting to throw you under the bus because he can't think past the end of his nose takes the cake."

"I actually agree," Hikari stepped on what Shinji was about to retort with. When he blinked, and turned to face her, she shook her head, "Shinji, he needs to be punished for this. One, he attacked someone on school grounds. Two, the person he attacked had literally nothing to do with what he was angry about. Three, he then tries to twist events so that the person who was attacked assumed full responsibility for the one-sided attack. Four, and I'm mature enough to admit this, he's a colossal jackass. I was stupid for ever thinking there was a good heart under all that jockishness."

"He…just wanted to protect his little sister," Shinji sighed. This wasn't an audience that could be considered impartial. "I guess I just see things from his perspective a little better than you do."

"And that's admirable, Shinji-Kun." Ritsuko tapped the table, "It's something we shouldn't be ignoring either, ladies." She looked at both Hikari and Misato in turn, "What's done is done, but I don't think we need to go rushing off to defend his honor when he, in his own words, can empathize with the person who struck him."

"Thank you, Ritsuko-San," Shinji unleashed his smile again.

In the Doctor's mind, the sound of the needle being torn from a spinning record played. A sudden vision of him smiling down on her, while she laid nude and entangled with him, brought a short blush to her cheeks that she quickly suppressed, "No," she coughed, and swallowed heavily, "I'm sure Misato and Hikari agree with me, they're just…eager to make sure you aren't bullied."

"Yeah, I guess," Misato frowned. "I don't like it, Shinji. I don't like that your first day in a new school, you got your bell rung by some knuckle-dragging asshole that thinks you could have done any better than you did." She slapped the table, "Imagine if you hadn't argued for everything to move faster? How many more people would be hurt if you hadn't said, yourself, that your reunion with the Commander could wait until the enemy was defeated? I'd _kill_ to have thirty more people just like you work under me."

"I'd kill for just one," Ritsuko muttered, unheard.

"I don't think Katsuragi-San is going to push for any more punishments, Shinji," Hikari reached over and gently laid her hand over top of his. "But this way nobody else is going to be inclined to go around getting in fights. This may very well save us from far worse happening."

Shinji nodded slowly, "Ok." With a sigh, he pushed his chair back, "The cookies should be cooled by now."

+++++ 3rd Angel + 2 : Sunday (3)

Following a short, but incredibly effective, tutoring session regarding the mathematical concepts involved in calculus, Hikari looked at the clock and sighed, "I have to go home." She laughed, "I've never actually been more interested in listening to an instructor, and I have chocolate to go with the lesson, and I'm just stalling now." Slapping her netbook closed, she turned to Shinji, "We have to do this more often, Shinji."

"I agree," he nodded, looking at the notes on his screen. "I'm…actually understanding this. Before, I never, uh…it wasn't my strong suit during my time with Sensei." He slid his own book shut, "I'll walk you home, it's late."

"You don't have to," Hikari waved her hands before her chest.

"Yes, he does," Ritsuko nodded firmly. "A beautiful young woman should not be left unescorted in today's day and age." She smirked, "Besides, if he goes with you, Section Two goes too. So he's just as safe out there as he would be in here, and you're safer with him than without." Pointing to Misato who, after hitting the heavier drinks, conked out at the table in a vain effort to appear helpful, "I'll keep an eye on the distillery."

Hikari blushed at the compliment, "If it isn't too much trouble."

"It's no trouble at all, Hikari," Shinji shrugged. "If she didn't drive, I'd make the same offer to Ritsuko-San." He smiled at the doctor, failing to notice the signs of blushing, "I'll be right back. She doesn't live that far."

As the door shut, with Shinji walking out with Hikari, Ritsuko slumped in her chair, "I swear, I'm losing my mind." Pen-Pen hopped up onto the chair Shinji had vacated and began to peruse through the available plunder left on the table. "What do you think?" She rested her head on her palm, "I'm nuts for being attracted to a boy almost half my age, right? He's…not that impressive physically, but that smile…."

Pen-Pen shrugged, issuing a series of warks and clacks that seemed to say that he'd seen stranger.

"I mean, he has Horaki-Chan," Ritsuko grinned. "Not that she's bad-looking herself. Give her a few years and I think she'd be right up my alley too."

"Mmmm, oh," Misato giggled in her sleep, "Shinji, that's naughty." Her breath caught, "Oh, yeah, like that, just, mmmmm…." She moaned herself back to sleep again.

"Great." Ritsuko let her head fall to the table, "I'm becoming Misato."

+++++ 3rd Angel + 2 : Sunday (3)

"I'm really sorry," Shinji kept his eyes down as he waited for the elevator. "Misato-San…doesn't know how not to tease, and she embarrassed you with the whole 'girlfriend' thing." He shook his head slowly, "I think she only understands how to relate to people in one way, like I said before. It's not healthy, and it's led her into some really bad situations. I know you're not looking for a boyfriend, and you're just trying to be a good friend."

Hikari stepped onto the elevator as the doors slid open and waited for the doors to close around them before she spoke, "There's no apology necessary, Shinji. I agree, I'm not looking for a boyfriend." The doors opened on the ground floor, "I've already found one, if he'd be ok with being called that." Turning just inside the doors, the streetlights illuminating her from behind, she took his breath away with a small grin, "Are you?"

"I-I-I-I-I," his jaw clacked shut. He slammed his eyes shut as he felt his hands clench, his stomach knot, and his head spin, "I didn't mean for this to happen." His mouth was working without conferring with his brain, "I didn't mean to take you away from Toji. I didn't mean to make you think I'm a good person. I didn't mean to mak-"

Hikari's lips were like the softest velvet, and as they alighted on his, everything currently running on the Shinji Ikari operating system locked up completely. His eyes fluttered open, and he saw her step back with a small, secretive, smile on her face, "Always wanted to see if that worked like it did in the movies," she whispered.

"I…why?" He frowned, "Thank you? Uhm, no…I'm sorry?"

"Are you saying you don't want to date?" Hikari looked at him through half-lidded eyes, "That'd be sad."

"No! Yes! What?!" Shinji struggled valiantly with his own mouth, trying to force it to use the eloquence currently logjammed behind the memory of Hikari's lips on his. When the freckle-faced beauty giggled, the sound of silvery bells, he clapped his mouth shut and took a deep, cleansing, breath through his nose. "Hikari, you know what I do. What I have to face. You know that I'm going to be fighting against…monsters. I'm going to have to spend time training, and when I'm not training, I'm going to be struggling to catch up on classwork and housework. I don't know how much free time I'll have to take you places, to spend the time you deserve with you."

"Shinji, we spent the majority of today cleaning your apartment and studying with Ritsuko-San," she stepped forward, lightly laying her hand on the center of his chest. "This was the best day I've had in ages. Building towards a future with the kind of man who takes his duties seriously, who can and will cook the best dinner I've had in, again, ages, and who insists on walking me home despite this being the safest neighborhood ever? Please don't hold back on my account."

"What happens…what happens when a better man comes along?" His anxieties pushed their way past, deciding to voice themselves without his say-so, "What happens when the trauma becomes too much, and I curl up into a ball and start bawling like a toddler? What happens when…when I cause another Sakura Suzuhara?"

"In order:" she kissed him again, "I'm not going to shop around while I'm dating the kind of man that _will_ make Kodama jealous, I'll curl right up with you and hold you while you show the emotions that you have every right to show, and I'll slap the next Toji Suzuhara that starts a pointless fight with my man so hard he'll swear the Amano line just ran him over." Her smile was open and inviting, "Shinji, I know enough of what I'm getting myself into. I know there'll be some tough days, and hard nights. I know you'll always need therapy and extra patience." She kissed him again, lingering this time, "I also know that you'll never cheat, you'll never punch another guy for daring to talk to me, you'll never react first and ask second, and you'll always put others first. You wear your instruction manual on your sleeve, Shinji Ikari. I'm just the lucky girl who read it before anyone else could."

"But…you're more than I deserve," he whispered. "I'm…I'm…."

"Shh," she tapped his lips, "yes or no, Shinji. I'm not teasing you, I'm not going to change my mind tomorrow morning. I," a kiss, "want," another, "you."

His only response, he didn't trust his mouth to say the right words, was to wrap his arms around her and nod as the first tears leaked out of his eyes. He clutched tighter, and she melted into the embrace. It wasn't the verbal commitment she had asked for, but in the end, she liked this answer a lot better than any of the others she had been afraid of.

+++++ 3rd Angel + 2 : Sunday (3)

"This has potential, dear Professor," Gendo quirked one lip up slightly in a pale imitation of a smile. "I never would have thought him capable of it, had I not seen it myself." On the screen before the two men, a live feed of Shinji's embrace of Hikari played out in fine detail.

"How does this fit into your scenario, Gendo?" Kozo Fuyutsuki was damn proud of Shinji, from everything he knew of Hikari Horaki, she was a fine young woman. Her father had done an outstanding job raising his three daughters, the loss of his wife Junko was an unreserved tragedy. Hikari was the kind of woman who carried dignity and a love of learning; He knew Yui Ikari would have shared his pride. "It was my understanding that you needed him to be totally dependent upon you."

"In the event he had nothing else to fight for," the Commander of NERV rolled his hand. "But it seems as if he fights to protect everyone, and now he has someone of his own choosing to defend. He'll climb into the Evangelion twice as willingly, fight twice as hard, and nothing the old men throw at him will cause him to pause." Tapping the dossier on the Horaki family, "And all without becoming entangled in the Second Child's self-destructive chaos. When she comes, he won't bow to her every whim, like we thought he would. This…Hikari, I feel she'll keep Shinji firmly in hand."

"You almost sound proud," the silver-haired second-in-command teased gently.

"More than you know, Professor. My son has proven my actions right, and that is a balm for a wound I thought would never begin to heal." He lifted his glasses, gently rubbing his eyes, "Remind me to send something sufficiently grateful to our friend in Nagano. He may yet have succeeded where I would have only failed."

"The scenario is everything," the old man quoted.

"It is the only thing," Gendo nodded grimly.

+++++ 3rd Angel + 2 : Sunday (3)

Shinji stepped back inside, the trip to take Hikari home having taken far longer than he'd intended thanks to the revelation that he now had a girlfriend. Hikari forced him to stop well away from the front door, explaining that she didn't want her sisters to ruin an evening she wanted to never end. A final kiss, a waved goodbye, and a promise to meet again in the morning for a walk to school. All of this danced through his head as he kicked off his shoes and turned towards the kitchen.

Ritsuko was sitting at the table, rolling a beer between her hands, Misato was nowhere in sight, "I put her to bed, Shinji-Kun." The bottle blonde was staring at the sink, the night's dishes drying on the rack, "I'd like to ask you a few questions, if you're ok with that?" She turned her head slightly, eyeing his calm.

"Sure, Ritsuko-San," he stepped around her to the fridge, "if you don't mind asking me while I get everyone's meals ready for tomorrow?" Pausing with one hand in the crisper, he turned, "Would you like me to make you something, too? It's no trouble, and I'd be happier knowing you were eating something healthy."

His smile. Again, that damn smile! "Shinji, when you look at me, what do you see?" There had to be an explanation. A reason that he shared that…that look.

"Uhm," he frowned, trying to compose a rational response that wasn't glib. "I see a hard worker. I see someone who takes the future of the planet seriously. I see genius," he took his selections to the sink to begin to wash them, "I see motivation," he blushed slightly, "I see beauty."

Ritsuko's mouth stopped in an 'o' shape, her eyes slightly widened and unmoving.

"I'm not really sure what you want to know, Ritsuko-San. I know you've probably not received anywhere near the praise you're due for everything you've done," Shinji sighed, "father's not the kind of man to actually offer kind words to people who work for him." He cast another smile over his shoulder, "I also know Misato-San can't have thanked you enough for all you've put up with from her. She clearly needs…a lot of attention. Being her friend probably isn't easy." Chopping up the vegetables as the rice began to soak, he chuckled softly, "Hikari-San said I have the patience of a Priest, putting up with the apartment and everything for just a few days. You must have the patience of the Earth itself, putting up with her for years."

"I'd like you to seriously consider your future, Shinji-Kun," she had to leave. She had to leave before she did something incredibly stupid. "I'm willing to help you reach as far as you want, and I don't doubt you have the capacity to grasp what it is you stretch towards." Standing up, she left the unopened can on the table, "Could you do that for me?"

"Of course, Ritsuko-San." Shinji wiped his hands and bowed towards the departing doctor, "Would you like me to walk you to your car? I know Section Two is just outside, but I'd feel terrible if something happened and I could have prevented it by taking a few extra steps. You said it yourself, 'A beautiful young woman should not be left unescorted in today's day and age'."

She stood before him instantly, the height difference was minor, she wasn't more than a few centimeters taller, and he hadn't finished growing like she had, "That's twice now, Shinji." A single finger lifted his chin slightly, "That you've mentioned me being beautiful." Her mouth quirked slightly, a very adult hunger clear on her face, "You keep it up, and I'll start to think you need more than just Hikari-Chan to keep you happy."

"Shinjiiiii~," Misato's voice called Shinji's eyes towards her bedroom, "I'm a little fall with the drunk I'm how. Could you bathroom me to the help?"

When he turned back to Ritsuko, she was standing back at the entry hall, like nothing had happened, "Our first session will be tomorrow, Shinji. Please ask Miss Horaki if she'd like to attend, I'd be happy to spend some time talking with her while you're undergoing the tests I need you to perform. As soon as her duties allow you both, I'll expect you at NERV." With a wiggle of her fingers, she left him standing rooted in place.

The closing of the door released whatever spell it was that held him bound, "The _hell_ was that?!" His heart was hammering, Ritsuko Akagi, _the_ Ritsuko Akagi, had just flirted with him. He moved towards Misato's room still trying to wrap his mind around the fact that twice in a single night he'd been…well, not propositioned, but at the very least had a woman show clear physical interest. He muttered to himself, "The hell changed in just one damn night?"

Misato's playful babble held no answers as he carried her into the bathroom, and the rest of the night passed quietly as he set up the closet for himself.


	4. Chapter 4

+++++ 3rd Angel + 3 : Monday (4)

His alarm was still three minutes from sounding when he sat up and stretched. A restless night of dozing amidst a whirlwind of thoughts yielded little in the way of answers, but he didn't feel as tired as he once might have. Unknown to him, serotonin and dopamine were creeping their way back into his diet, courtesy of the boost in pride of knowing that he actually had a girlfriend. Through that, the unrelenting anxiety and depression he had suffered with for so long began, in small steps, to fade. As he walked out of his bedroom, he saw Misato standing with the card Nozomi had given him, an odd smile on her face, "Good morning, Misato-San."

"Morning, Shinji," she responded brightly. "We need to have a quick chat, don't worry you're not in trouble." Gesturing to one of the nearby chairs, she waved the card, "It's about this."

"Oh…uhm, ok," he sat down and waited.

"So," the Captain sat in turn, "I'm guessing this is from Hikari-Chan's little sister?"

"Y-yeah," Shinji nodded. "When I went shopping, after helping Hikari-San with Class Rep duties, she didn't have enough money to purchase the tofu her two sisters wanted. It was only around six hundred Yen, and…you know, I have a lot of money and nothing to really spend it on."

"It looks like the fact that you're the pilot has really spread," She shook her head, still smiling, "I had hoped to allow you to remain unidentified. But…she did an excellent job drawing Unit-01, didn't she? The news carried those shots of you standing still after the explosion…."

"She has talent," he agreed. He didn't want to remember the flames, he'd rather focus on the young girl's art.

"You should date Hikari-Chan, Shinji." The mask slipped slightly, the serious part of Misato leaking out. "She's a good girl, and if she can put up with me and not run away screaming, I think she'd be good for you."

"I…uhm," he tried to state that they had started last night, but for some reason it locked in his throat.

"I know, I know. It can be hard to take advice from someone you barely know, but trust me. I wish I had an S.O. that cared enough to spend their off-day helping me clean and learn." Misato reached over and clasped Shinji's hand, "She's attracted to you, Shinji. She's just waiting for you to screw up enough courage to ask her out. Believe me, I can tell." She turned and slid the card back onto the refrigerator with a magnet, "Now, thank you for the food. I'll make sure Ritsuko gets hers. You get going, and keep in mind what I said, ok?" The mask moved back into place, "Just remember, I'm _always_ here in case you feel lonely," with a wink she walked back into her room.

When Pen-Pen patted him on the leg, Shinji whispered, "What the hell did I do that changed everything this much?" The waterfowl warked once, and rolled his head sympathetically. "I'm worried, Pen-Pen. I'm worried that everything that's happening out here is going to get someone seriously hurt." Pen-Pen shook his head and set forward into a lecture about not living afraid. That if Shinji let fear stop him from doing anything, he'd look back on his life at the end of it and feel nothing but sadness.

"He's right," Misato, now fully dressed and ready for the day, said from behind the two. "It'll work out, Shinji. You can't live your life afraid that others may get hurt because you wanted to reach for happiness. We all have free will, and you have just as much right to exercise it as everyone else."

Shinji looked between Pen-Pen and Misato, "You can understand him?"

"Of course," she laughed, "you just need to listen. He's making perfect sense, if you're willing to learn." Tossing the two boxed lunches in a backpack, she wiggled her fingers, "I'm off. I'll see you at NERV after school, Shinji."

Pen-Pen patted Shinji again, warking once and nodding in understanding.

+++++ 3rd Angel + 3 : Monday (4)

Shinji stood patiently at door to the Horaki home, the doorbell's brief musical chimes of the fourth movement from Beethoven's Ninth Symphony lingering in his mind. When the door flew open, it was Nozomi who stood there with a manic grin on her face, "Heya!" She ducked just as a hairbrush flew past, "Bye!" Battle-honed reflexes saved him as he dodged the young girl's lunge out of the doorway and watched as she darted down the street towards her school hooting with laughter.

"Ikari-Kun," a powerful masculine voice called from within the home, "please, come in."

Briefly contemplating following after Nozomi, Shinji ran through the same set of mental exercises he used when synchronizing with Unit-01. He was inside the Horaki Home and approaching the kitchen area before he knew it. Sitting at the table, reading through news reports on a tablet, was quite possibly the largest man Shinji had ever seen. At the other end of the table, wearing boxers and a cut-off that showed exactly how hard she worked, was Kodama. She waved him over next to her, patting the seat by her on the bench, "Come here, Shinji-Kun. Dad wants to meet sis' savior." Shinji sat down next to the nurse-in-training, who gave him a brief hug and whispered, "Relax, he likes you."

"Ikari-Kun," the titanic human spoke, "I see you wear your bruise as the badge of honor it is. This is good." He nodded, "Hikari has not admitted to knowing what it is you are, but I am…acquainted…with several of the people who work in what you call 'Section Two'. I know what it is you do, and what it is you have done." He held up his hand, "I also know that you seek no glories from it. This, too, is good." He gestured towards Kodama, "My daughters, they owe much to you. Not the least of which being your assistance in providing for this…odd diet they desire."

"Daddy," Kodama kept her arm draped over Shinji's shoulders, "I'm trying to stay healthy. It's not easy fighting off your genetics."

"Mmm, you favor your mother far too much to worry over that, child," his face broke slightly into a reminiscing grin. A faraway look combined with his chiseled features to give him a scholarly cast, "Regardless," the moment ended, and his visage resumed its serious expression, "You have both my permission and my blessing, Shinji Ikari, Pilot of the Purple Guardian." He inclined his upper body the slightest amount, "You also have my thanks. Should there be something the Shirakami can do to assist you, know that we will not hold you in debt for it."

Kodama stood, bringing Shinji with her. He failed to notice her breasts pressing on either side of his arm, nor did he see the easy smile on her face as she guided him back to the entryway. He was entirely lost within the fact that a talking mountain just deemed him acceptable. "Just so you know, Shinji-Kun," she kissed his cheek and stepped back as he reached the door, "I've never seen Hikari this over-the-moon. Even when she started to 'like' Suzuhara, it was more of an acceptance than a spirit of victory," she winked, "you have her sisters' blessing too."

"Shinji!" Hikari squeaked from the top of the stairs, "I didn't hear you come in…."

"That's because you were in the shower when the bell rang, and then busy chasing Nozomi," Kodama chuckled. "He's been talking to daddy."

"He…oh," Hikari appeared next to Shinji, "and how did it go?"

"He said something about his blessing," the Third Child was still processing everything. "He also said something about…a spirit?"

"He gave his blessing to Shinji," Kodama grinned, "for him to date any of us."

"Kodama!" Hikari finally noticed her sister's state of dress, "Would you go put some clothes on?"

"I'm wearing clothes," the eldest Horaki sister protested humorously, "believe me, I doubt Shinji-Kun could handle seeing me without them."

"We're going now!" Hikari grabbed her school bag and pushed Shinji outside, slamming the door behind them. "I'm so sorry, Shinji."

He blinked, twice, then shook himself like a dog leaving the water, "Your father is enormous!"

The Class Rep immediately realized several things as she set them into motion towards school: Shinji was completely unfazed by her, admittedly gorgeous, older sister being barely dressed in front of him. He had just met her father, and was actually more stuck on the fact that the man towered over anyone around him. Her boyfriend was also now holding out a boxed lunch. "You…didn't notice Kodama?"

"Kodama-San?" Shinji turned back to the house, "Did she say something? Oh no," he blanched, "I was trying to make sense of what your father had said, did she say something to me?" His eyes saccaded rapidly as he replayed the scene, "She did…she said…oh." He blushed, "She said you…well," he looked down.

She took the lunch, smiling briefly as she realized she now had two lunches, one she made herself, and one from her _boyfriend_ , "She said I what?" This hadn't been what she had meant.

"She said she'd never seen you 'this over-the-moon'," Shinji whispered. "She was happy I made you happy. That I had your sisters' blessing too." The two walked in silence as the Pilot recovered his bearing, and the Class Rep amazed at Kodama's statement.

"I had meant you hadn't noticed that Kodama was barely dressed," Hikari broke the silence.

"Oh?" Shinji blinked, "I…guess I'm used to it." When Hikari quirked an eyebrow at him, he waved his hands before his chest, "I mean, Misato-San's idea of house clothes is a loose tank top and short-shorts. After living…after the past few days, Kodama-San was practically covered in blankets in comparison."

Hikari blushed, "Ok. I can see what you mean." She leaned over and lowered her voice, "Is she…is she just as beautiful wearing less?"

"She is," he admitted. "But I really don't look at her like that." Rocking his hand back and forth, he tried to explain his feelings towards the vivacious lady that gave him purpose, "It's like…like living with a big sister. I don't see her in the way that I'd say I see…well…you." He blushed, looking down again. "She's like a beautiful painting, or a breathtaking sunrise. It's art, not…attraction."

"I see," Hikari's smile was inward, the pleasure at being told once again that he saw her as a beautiful woman. "I guess I see her differently, because I don't live with her."

"Oh?" Shinji tapped the button for the nearby crosswalk.

Hikari looked at him sideways, "Promise not to make fun of me?"

"Never," Shinji shook his head firmly. "You haven't teased me once despite me constantly melting down near you. You've not pushed me to explain things I can't understand myself, and for some reason beyond my wildest understandings, you've asked me to date you. You could admit you're secretly working for the Russian government to steal details about my cookie recipe and I'd ask you why you felt you had to resort to subterfuge."

Her laughter was once more silvery bells, "No, nothing like that." She snaked her arm through his elbow, holding onto him and leaning against him as they walked, "I'm…also interested in women."

"Oh." Shinji blinked. He hadn't ever really spoken with someone he knew played on both teams, "I…guess I wouldn't have guessed. I wouldn't have thought of it, really." He rocked his head from side to side, partly luxuriating in the feeling of being cared for, and partly trying to think of a response that wasn't cliché. "Cool, I guess."

"Cool?" Hikari giggled, "I wouldn't have expected that as a response." She sighed, "It's a lot better than I'd have gotten from someone else, though." She bit her lip, "Can I admit I was kind of afraid you'd automatically start drooling over me and some other woman?"

"It's a natural fear," Shinji shrugged. "You just admitted something that you probably don't spread around, and rejection is the top of everyone's list of fears." He smiled down at her, "I'm still drooling over the fact that my girlfriend kissed me repeatedly last night, though. So I think all of my imagination time will be occupied with that for some time to come."

"And you wonder why I'd date you," she stood on her toes, sneaking another kiss. Settling back into the rhythm of mutual walking, she clicked her tongue, "I'd totally sleep with Misato-San, though." She smiled up at her boyfriend, who had simply shrugged again, "It'd be purely physical, of course. I don't know that I could have a relationship with someone as…wild as her."

"And now you see where I'm coming from," Shinji nodded easily. "I don't know if I'd ever be able to sleep with her, it'd depend on a whole city worth of circumstances. Was she doing it because she actually wanted me? Was she sober? Was she wanting to engage like that because she actually loved me?"

"So," Hikari interrupted, "to you sex is something reserved for the emotional bonds?"

"Yeah," he thought for a brief second, then nodded, "yeah, it is. It's not that I find the thought unpleasant, I just…I don't want to ruin what connections I have with someone just to experience a few moments of physical pleasure."

"Perfect answer," Hikari squeezed his arm. "That is what makes a lady feel safe with her partner. So," she continued, "big question time: Have you ever?"

"No," Shinji shook his head slowly. His voice conveyed all the seriousness he could muster, "You're the first person that I'd say I honestly kissed."

"Honestly?" She couched the question in a calming tone.

"There…was a girl. The…the one that constantly berated me and called me perverted and stupid. She said, one day…she said she was bored." He swallowed, trying to calm his nerves, "She pinched my nose shut and…it…she…it wasn't a kiss. She pushed her lips against mine, forced me to hold my breath, and ran away screaming afterwards saying that it was disgusting, and I was a horrible kisser and she regretted the entire idea."

"No," Hikari squeezed his hand, then his arm, "that wasn't a kiss. That was, at best, assault." She giggled, apropos of nothing, "Then that means we both got each other's first kiss."

When Shinji looked down on the freckle-faced beauty, he felt his heart pause in his chest. The beaming smile, the innocence, right here was everything he'd never have received from Asuka. It was validation, to him, "You're a wonderful woman, Hikari."

"And you are a wonderful man, Shinji." She sighed, "But we're within sight of the school." She stepped away, and nodded to herself, "Class Rep time."

"I understand," Shinji bowed slightly. "Thank you for letting me walk with you. For…holding hands." He paused, "Oh, damn. I forgot! Ritsuko-San wants to know if you'd consider coming with me to NERV after school today. She wants to have our first official tutoring session, after I do some tests that she needs me for."

"Hmm," Hikari tapped her cheek, "if we can get one thing done quickly, I can." She started them forward again, "I need to recertify the class roll with the city, it should only take ten minutes."

+++++ 3rd Angel + 3 : Monday (4)

Both Shinji and Hikari were caught off guard. Shinji, because his desk was overflowing with cards. Hikari, because Shinji was staring at the desk like it contained a live N2 mine. "It's ok," Hikari stated in low, soothing, tones. "They're just cards." She slid the top of the desk open, catching a few that attempted to fall out, "I'm not upset, Shinji." The room stood empty, save for the two of them.

Vehemently, but quietly, Shinji uttered in astonishment, "What did I do?!"

"Shinji," Hikari sighed. She started to pull out the cards, organizing them by size and shape, "Whoever this woman is, please introduce me to her some day? I really, really, want to rub her nose in the fact that you aren't what she made you out to be." She gestured regally to his desk, "Have a seat, and let's start going through these."

"But…I shouldn't," he shook his head. "I'm dating you, it'd be-"

"It would be callous of you to just ignore them," Hikari corrected primly. "Each of these has the potential to be an honest declaration from a young woman who would like to catch your eye. Some, I'm sure, are just star-chasers. Others were sent because they needed to maintain appearances." She nudged his desk with her foot, "Sit. Let's go through them together, and we'll organize out which need a response."

Shinji sat, and began the process of opening the letters. Each one handed to him by Hikari with a comment about the likely end result. As the process continued, Shinji began to feel even more confused, "Is it…is it really just this easy?" He held out the latest card, "I could never just come out and tell a girl that I thought they 'had to be hung like a horse'…well, you know what I mean."

"For some people it really is that easy, Shinji," Hikari took the card back, dumping it into her bag. "You aren't the kind of man that would be anything but a conquest for someone like this. She'd never see you as more than a meal ticket, and would likely cheat on you the second some 'hotter' guy crossed her orbit." She chose another, and handed it to him, "I have to say, I'm actually kind of happy this happened."

"Happy?" Shinji's face was incredulous, "Hikari, I'm miserable over here thinking of how this must feel to you."

"Shinji," she giggled, "that's exactly why I'm glad it happened. You're showing me things that I'd have to guess at otherwise, things that couldn't be discussed easily any other way." Urging him to open the letter, she pressed on, "To be honest, you're a lot more prudish than I am."

"It's…it's not right," he shook his head. "Being disloyal is unforgivable."

"This isn't disloyalty, Shinji," she gestured to the remaining cards. "Disloyalty would be you hiding them. Ignoring them until it became a huge problem. Taking Miss 'Hung Like a Horse' up on her offer would be disloyalty." Holding up one of the more innocent cards, she tapped it against the desk, "Having lunch with both me and this one, is not disloyalty."

"I…huh?" He exchanged the next innocent card for another unopened one, "But…we're dating?"

"Yes, and what about dating precludes us from finding friends?" Her smile was understanding, "Or, perhaps, another young lady for us both to enjoy time with." Holding up her hand to hold off the inevitable denial, "Lady, Shinji. I could see us living with another woman, in the future."

Shinji frowned, gently opening the next letter, "Because…because you'd want to also express your other side." His frown slowly raised into a look of comprehension, "Because you wouldn't want to spend the rest of your life denying another part of who you are."

"Very good," she clapped happily. "Got it in one. The lady would, of course, also have to be open to loving you as well. That's what makes it work, I think."

"I don't know if I could do that," Shinji shook his head. "I'd feel…I'd feel like I was cheating on you with her, or her with you."

"Which is why we need to take a few girls up on their offer of lunch," Hikari explained. "I'm pretty sure that a number of the young women here are the same as me. We don't have to go on a 'date', but just sitting and talking amongst ourselves can help you understand what it would be like, in the future. It's practice."

"Was this going on the entire time," He muttered to himself, "was I this ignorant?"

She smiled over at him, "I'm sorry?"

"N-nothing, I'm just…this is overwhelming," he finished lamely. "I probably sound completely out of touch with everything, and I'm stuck on things that you probably had figured out years ago."

"And I don't hold any of it against you," Hikari stated with complete sincerity. "Shinji, you need time to grow into your situation. You need time to adjust to being back in a dynamic social environment, and most of all you need time to figure out who you are." She handed him the last card, "Now, we've winnowed that pile down to five or six cards. We'll leave those in your desk, and when we go eat lunch the girls will peek and see who you've not tossed aside. Once word gets around, people will start to see your tastes and convictions, and the student body will come to understand you better."

"What about the other cards?" He pointed to her bag, where the remainder was neatly hidden from sight.

"Those I take home and burn," she responded sweetly. "Slowly."

"…I thought you were ok with this?"

"I'm ok with this," she set the acceptable cards on his desk. "I am not ok with students in my school propositioning students openly at school. I can't control what they choose to do outside of the building; honestly, I can't control what they do _inside_ the building half the time, as you saw the first day you came here. But I will take sincere pleasure in watching this stack burn," she kicked her bag. "You are not a piece of meat, Shinji Ikari. You are more than a penis and a pension. You deserve to be treated like the treasure you are, and that is that."

Shinji blushed where he sat, and discreetly slipped the cards into his desk, "Thank you." His voice the sound of mist in the morning.

"No, Shinji," Hikari's voice was sunshine again, "thank you." The first student appeared down the hall, and she sighed, "As far as announcing that we're dating, I don't think we need to make a production of it. Do you?"

"No!" Shinji shook his head fiercely, "It's not that I'm ashamed, I just…"

"You, like me, are a rather private person," her grin flashed, "and that's just how I like it."

+++++ 3rd Angel + 3 : Monday (4)

The first period of the day passed as slowly as it always had, the teacher from Nebukawa pontificating on pre-Impact life and how things were simply screwed up in a different way back then. Shinji took his notes, picking out the important historical facts from the flowing narrative, and tried to keep his attention off of the red-hot glowing spot sitting to his right.

During the break, Kensuke walked over slowly and bowed rigidly, "I apologize Ikari-San. What Toji did was boneheaded, and I should have tried harder to stop him."

Shinji was on his feet instantly, reaching over and urging his former friend up, "No, no, you don't have any responsibility there, Aida-San." He turned to Hikari, who was less convinced of the innocence of the otaku.

"Where is Suzuhara-San," Hikari's usage of a vastly different name was quickly the subject of furious whispers around the room, "is he still taking care of his sister?"

"He, uh," Kensuke broke into a flop sweat, "he's been suspended. I thought they would have told you." The young man's gaze was clearly indicating Shinji's bruised eye.

"Damn it all," Shinji closed his eyes in exasperation. "Why wouldn't they at least ask me if I felt unsafe? The situation was under control, everything was fine, he doesn't need to miss school and fall behind. That's not going to help him, it's not going to help his sister, and it's not going to help society."

More whispers flowed through the room.

"I…I really am sorry, Ikari-San," Kensuke offered.

"Please," Shinji patted the military buff on the back, "just Shinji. You didn't want to go against your friend, you wanted to be loyal to them. I can respect that, Kensuke-San. But I'd really appreciate it if you could get in touch with Suzuhara-San and make sure he's going to be ok, because I can't imagine that being suspended went over well with his father, or his little sister. He's going to need your support now."

"Absolutely," Kensuke stood straight and snapped off a salute. "Thank you…Shinji-San. I feel…I feel a lot better having talked to you about this."

"So do I, Kensuke-San. So do I."

+++++ 3rd Angel + 3 : Monday (4)

The next few classes passed without any more incidents, the teachers going about the lessons easily, and Shinji taking as many notes as he could on the subjects he struggled in. By the time lunch came around, he was more than ready to get out of his seat and spend some time anywhere else. "It's the cumulative weight of everyone staring at me," he threw his hands up in exasperation. "Everything I do is being analyzed, judged, and commented on. I can _feel_ it."

From under the shade of the old oak tree, Hikari smiled at her boyfriend's plight, "You're doing fine, Shinji." She pulled out the lunch he had made her, "You know, I hadn't expected you to make me this." She then pulled out her self-made lunch, "Would you…mind?" She offered it to him.

"Oh. Oh!" He set aside his lunch, and took the one she offered, "I'd be happy to eat this." Taking off the lid, he took stock of the food on display and nodded, "It looks great," he smiled. "I guess I should have asked before just making you something out of the blue."

"No," Hikari smiled softly, "this was actually a very pleasant surprise." She took a few small bites, sampling the various portions, "I wish I was this good of a cook."

"I'm not that great," Shinji demurred. "I just have a lot of practice under my belt." Feeding himself slowly, he nodded in appreciation, "You're just as good as I am, Hikari. Though, to be fair, I guess eating anything you don't have to make yourself gives it something more."

"Absolutely," she agreed whole-heartedly. "We could…we could always just make each other's lunches?" The idea excited her, "On those days you can't come to class, I'll still have something to eat, and vice-versa. And…well, knowing that my boyfriend is cooking for me makes me a little tingly inside."

"I'd be happy to," he had to admit the idea had an appeal all its own. "Yeah," he nodded, "I think that's a great idea." He looked up, feeling eyes on him, "We're being watched."

"Of course we are," Hikari kept her eyes on her food. "A young man and a young woman sitting together under the shade of an old oak tree, sharing a meal and speaking quietly. While we aren't making a production out of our dating, I'm certainly not ashamed of it. This is how they find out about it, and now everyone's wondering what the Class Rep did to grab the attention of the Hot-Shot Pilot."

Shinji turned back to face her, "She acted like the charming, intelligent, wonderful human being she is." He smiled, "I guess I'm nowhere near as politically aware as you are. I would have just assumed, looking at us, that you were helping me adjust to the unfamiliar environment."

Hikari blushed, "Yes, well." She chewed thoughtfully as she worked on her answer, "I think your lack of socialization growing up has a lot to do with how you would view this situation, Shinji."

"You're probably right," he nodded glumly. "I…tend to screw up interpersonal relationships. Say the wrong thing, or don't say anything when I should say something." He sighed, "I'm trying, though."

"You're doing fine," she reached over and gripped his hand. "More than fine. You inflate my head any more and I may just end up flying away." Her smile washed over him like a wave, touching him from the tips of hair to the toes in his shoes.

Shinji showed his manual dexterity by readjusting his chopsticks with only one hand, and ate the rest of his lunch while holding Hikari's hand in his. "Let them look," he spoke with a firm voice. "It's not my fault that I have the best girl in the school."

+++++ 3rd Angel + 3 : Monday (4)

The next few classes were quiet affairs; the teacher springing a pop quiz in each of the periods, to the dismay of the entire student body. Shinji surprised himself by breezing through the tests despite not remembering the material from his previous life, and spent the rest of the testing period working on organizing his notes from the morning classes. The final period of the day was physical education, and that was when the day's weirdness caught up to him.

"Hey, Ikari-San!" Several young men waved him over to their group, "Sensei wants us to get your times." The tallest of the boys, on the track team if Shinji remembered correctly, was smiling easily holding a pocket watch, "No pressure, though, ok? I heard from Aida-San that you're fresh out of private education, and I doubt they really pushed wind sprints."

"Thank you," the Third Child was genuinely grateful for the understanding. Partnering up for stretches, he listened to the banter between the youths. It was clear they had a long-standing friendship; the teasing was flying thick and fast.

"Ok, Ikari-San," the runner he was stretching with patted him on the back. "While there's no pressure, we'd really like it if you gave it your all, ok? Class 3-A has the standing record for fastest average, and if you can help us keep it we'd all be in your debt."

"Oh," Shinji blinked, 3-A? He didn't remember that, "I'll do my best."

"All right!" The boys cheered in unison, drawing the eyes of the entire class over to their group.

Hikari's gaze caught Shinji's, and she clapped her hands together twice, and followed with a firm nod. Entering the starting blocks, the young Pilot suddenly had an urge to go all-out. "What's the worst that could happen? I trip and start over." He assumed the ready position, steadied his breathing, and as soon as he saw the timer's hand drop, he threw himself into the heat.

He had never really tested his limits, breezing through the gym classes on a lackadaisical effort. His first two steps weren't enough for him now, and each successive footfall drove him faster and faster. Cheers and cries for speed mixed with the air rushing past his ears, forming a heady mixture of adrenaline and pride in his actions. By the first turn he was moving at top speed, his arms pumping and his hands held loose. By the second turn he felt like he could run forever, his lungs aching only due to the sudden exertions. When he hit the straightaway, his heart had settled into the rhythm that supported him through Angel after Angel. Racing around the third turn, he heard Hikari calling his name, begging him to go faster. On the fourth and final turn, he found a new gear and gained even more speed. He was not going to dog it in, he was going to do what he had seen others do.

The final few meters sailed past, Shinji pushing for more and more speed. As he approached, one of the young men held out his hand for a tag. When Shinji ran past, smacking his palm perfectly against the lad's, the next racer took off to start their time. "Hot damn, Ikari-San!" The scorekeeper wrote down the final time as Shinji circled back off the track, "We have maybe ten people, out of our entire school, that are faster than you. What did they feed you back in Nagano?" The group smiled at him, everyone making subtle noises of approval and signs of friendly interest, "No doubt about it now, we're going to be blowing everyone else out of the water for the school record."

For Shinji, the time was meaningless. He could see it, but with no other scores written down he had no basis of comparison, "To be honest, I make my own food." He shrugged, "It's probably just beginner's luck."

"Well, 'beginner'," one of them laughed, "I think it's a shame you can't participate in clubs. We could absolutely use someone like you on the Track Team." Everyone nodded, "Would you at least practice with us? We use gym class to push each other, and I know I'd love to test myself against you."

"I…yeah," Shinji's smile grew. "I'd be happy to."

+++++ 3rd Angel + 3 : Monday (4)

On the way to the showers, Hikari stopped him, "That was fantastic, Shinji!" Despite the both of them being sweaty from the lengthy class in the sun, she pulled him into a quick hug and whispered into his ear, "I told you that you could make friends." Stepping back, she flashed a cheesy grin, "Wait for me outside your locker room, if I'm not already there, ok?"

"Y-yeah," Shinji blushed. His mind was at war with itself, half of him was shrinking back from the public display of affection, half of him was swelling with joy that someone not only cared for him but was cheering for his success.

The showers were abuzz with end-of-the-day chatter, people making plans to go visit the arcades for a bit, or to hit study groups. As he waited for a stall to free up, the Third Child let his mind wander. It was impossible to doubt, any longer. He was back at the beginning of everything, whatever had happened during the engagement with the strangely-limbed Angel it shattered all of his understanding regarding physics. Now here he was, with his fellow students waving goodbye instead of looking at him like a leper.

Stepping into the showers, he let the water run over him for a few seconds before he started scrubbing. He had earned a little relaxation after running like that. Though, now, he was determined to run faster. Clenching a fist and pressing it against the wall, he let a half-smile form on his lips, "I can do this."

Releasing his fist and patting himself on both sides of his face, he nodded to himself and began to soap up. It felt really good to come down from the run, his body was tired and sore, but his mind was roaring with vigor and triumph. By the time he was out of the shower the locker room was completely silent. Making his way over to the locker assigned to him, he failed to notice that while the room was quiet, it was not empty. When he set his towel aside, preparing to throw on his boxers, he heard a small giggle. Combat reflexes kicked in and he was immediately facing the direction of the noise. Gone was the easily startled boy, that poor child had died several Angels ago, in his place was a Pilot. A Slayer of Giants.

"Well hello to you too, Ikari-Kun," a young woman he didn't recognize was leaning against the lockers further down the row. Dressed in a short skirt and a loosely tied-off dress shirt, the lady smiled as she slid her eyes along Shinji's nude form. "I knew it," she winked, "like a horse." Blushing slightly, Shinji turned back to his locker and began to get dressed. He made it no further than lifting his boxers when he felt the stranger press against his back and lightly caress around his side towards his groin. "Don't be like that," she whispered seductively.

"Please leave," he shrugged her off and quickly stepped into his boxers. He wanted to run out, to throw dignity to the wind and get himself out of the situation entirely.

"Now, now," she flopped onto the bench nearby and began to toy with her cleavage, "why the rush? Just think about it, the hottest girl in school and the stud of Tokyo-Three," she leaned forward and attempted a look that Misato would have laughed off as a pitiful imitation of the Captain's worst efforts, "we could run the city."

"I'm taken," Shinji kept putting his clothes on, moving quickly but without haste. His hands were shaking too much for him to do more than hurry.

Flipping her light brown hair to the side, "Oh please," she laughed. "Horaki-Chan? You could do so much better than that slut."

Something cracked inside Shinji's mind. Where before there was a tremulous shake to the central calm, there were now several chasms growing throughout, "Please do not call her that." He had his pants on, and was tucking his undershirt in, "She hasn't done anything to deserve that kind of disrespect."

"Other than going from Suzuhara-Kun to you at the first hint of something better than that brain-dead jock?" She laughed and kicked her feet as she hitched her skirt up to flash him her silken panties, "She's already had her fun with the boy nobody wanted, now she wants something…better. We all do, Shinji. I'm not opposed to sharing you with my friends, we could all have some fun."

His shirt wasn't cooperating, forcing him to undo and redo the buttons along the bottom three times before he could settle it in place. Speaking wasn't getting him anywhere, he needed to just get out of here. Throwing his gym clothes in a plastic bag, he intended to close the locker door firmly. What he didn't intend, however, was slamming it hard enough that it bounced back open and banged off the wall.

"Oh," she cooed, "I see." Standing up she put on a look of feigned fear, "Do you need to rough me up a little?" Draping her arms around his neck, she licked her upper lip, "I'm ok with a little pain."

Unseen, Hikari had once again come to Shinji's rescue. This time, however, it was not to chastise someone with her wits. This time, the fight was on her sister's level. Pinching an ear on the brazen young woman, the Class Rep dragged her towards the door berating her the entire way, "This is the _men's_ locker room Kajima-San. I've seen far more of you than I ever wanted to, and I'm supremely confident that you do not qualify for that particular descriptor." Throwing the door open, she spun and launched her victim out into the hallway and through the young woman's gaggle of friends, "You and your friends have three seconds to get lost before I call the teachers. However," her eyes hardened, "if you _ever_ touch my boyfriend again, I promise you…they'll be the least of your worries." When Shinji appeared in the doorway, blushing furiously and shaking with shame and anger, she changed her mind on waiting around and slipped her arm into his, "Let's go, Shinji."

As the pair went to leave, Kajima called after them, "What makes her so damn special? What does she have that I don't, huh?"

Shinji paused, gently pulling Hikari to a stop and turning slightly towards the group of young women, his voice was ice-coated steel, "Me." He then walked away, his girlfriend still on his arm, and never looked back.


	5. Chapter 5

+++++ 3rd Angel + 3 : Monday (4)

"That…that…ooooh!" Hikari stomped her foot as they made their first stop, at a crosswalk a half kilometer from the school, "Argh!" She was fuming, her eyes never once meeting Shinji's, "I'm so angry I could…I could…I could do something that wouldn't be either ladylike or in keeping with my position."

"How did you know I was in trouble?" He recognized that she was trying not to lose control of her anger, that she currently needed to be distracted away from the rage and towards something that wouldn't end in embarrassment later.

"I saw that clutch of harpies looking through the door to the locker room," she stated through clenched teeth. "I thumped them all over the head," the light changed, and she took her frustrations out on marching across the street in anger, "and was about to simply chastise them when I heard you slam your locker door." She spun to face him, "I was worried you had hurt yourself. When I opened the door, I saw…I saw…."

"I'm sorry," Shinji's voice was quiet. "I should have been more…direct."

"Shinji," Hikari's voice shifted away from anger, becoming tender, "no. You could no more physically harm her than I could eat the school building." Her smile was sad, "And pushing her away, even to protect yourself, isn't something I've seen in you."

"I'm sorry," he repeated.

"You shouldn't be," she latched back onto his arm and sighed in frustration. "You didn't do anything wrong. You were the one who was wronged."

The two walked in silence for a time. Hikari trying to think of a way to make things better for Shinji, and Shinji trying not to sink completely into the depressive funk he generally used to protect himself when things went awry. Before he knew it the checkpoint for pedestrian traffic into NERV's Science Building was before them, and he still hadn't managed to bring himself back to neutral.

"ID," the guard stated laconically. As Shinji reached into his back pocket to pull out his temporary badge, the shack's phone rang. "Field gate three," he answered. Instantly he was standing ramrod straight, "Understood. Yes ma'am. No ma'am. Yes ma'am." He hung up the phone, "Ikari-San, Horaki-San, please wait here." He looked towards the building, "I've been asked to keep you here while someone comes to pick you both up." His eyes fidgeted back towards the pair, "If they ask, could you maybe say I was really professional?"

Shinji blinked, then nodded, "Of course Sergeant…," he checked the man's nametag, "Yokawa. Who was on the phone, though?"

"Doctor Akagi," the man was sweating slightly. "She's sending out Lieutenant Ibuki to get you both, and to give you a limited access badge, Horaki-San." When a campus cart rolled around the corner, he lowered his voice, "Remember, professional," his smile was that of a man asking to not have his head removed by a tiger.

Maya pulled to a stop and waved with a bright smile, "Hey Ikari-Kun! You may not remember me, but I was there for your debut." She sized up Hikari and nodded, "You must be Horaki-Chan, Senpai's mentioned you several times today. She's been looking forward to seeing how smart you really are," the tech laughed brightly.

"I remember you, Ibuki-San," Shinji bowed, "thank you for your support. With your permission, Yokawa-San?" He turned and let the Sergeant wave them forward.

"Thank you for your cooperation, I look forward to seeing you again in the future," the man seemed to relax into a formal demeanor. "Ibuki-San, may I validate Horaki-San's badge, please?"

"Oh, yeah!" The mousey tech dug it out of her top pocket and handed it over to the guard.

As Shinji and Hikari climbed into the vehicle, the guard made several notes on the ledger inside his shack, then handed it back, "Everything's in order. When you leave, Horaki-San, make sure you badge back out at any of the authorized exits." He saluted the trio and walked back into his little domain.

Maya pressed down on the accelerator and started them forward at a sedate pace, "So," she called back without taking her eyes from the road, "how was school?"

Shinji cut off Hikari, "Nothing special, we had a few mid-lesson pop quizzes to see how everyone is doing with the unit." He shook his head slightly, trying to signal to Hikari that he didn't want to make waves.

"Ah man," the fresh-faced tech groaned, "I don't miss those kinds of surprises." She tapped a button on the dashboard and a nearby door swung open ponderously, "So, Horaki-Chan, how do you think Ikari-Kun is doing in school so far? The entire Science Division is pulling for him, considering the mood he's put Senpai in."

Shinji blinked, "Mood?"

"He's been doing great, Ibuki-San," Hikari squeezed Shinji's knee. "The teachers have actually asked if I would be ok with making him officially my assistant. Also," she grinned, "he aced both quizzes today. Tadaki Sensei and Mikawa Sensei graded yours first, they were worried when you finished so quickly," she explained. "They actually thanked me for spending time studying with you, which of course isn't why you passed, but they're really happy regardless."

"Great job, Ikari-Kun!" Maya pulled to a stop, having saved them a several-kilometer long walk, "What subjects?"

"Human Biology and Japanese Literature," Shinji answered quietly. His eyes were locked on a point further down the hall, which brought Maya and Hikari's gaze along eventually. Standing at a junction was Gendo, speaking with several uniformed men. "Let's go," without waiting, the young man walked in the expected direction of travel.

"Who was that?" Hikari hurried up alongside him.

"That's Commander Ikari," Maya spoke from the other side of Shinji. "I'm sorry Ikari-Kun, I didn't know he'd be there."

"It's fine." Shinji wanted to run back down the hallway and punch his father's teeth down his throat. He wanted to grab the man by his collar and ask him where he got off acting as the sole arbiter of who lived and who died. He wanted to tell him he didn't need him in his life. To stay away from him and his friends. To blow the lid off the fact that he had returned from the future, that he knew exactly what he was doing, that everything was his damn fault! As they reached the test labs, Shinji walked through the door and over to the false entry plug. He stared at his reflection in the empty glass, pressing both of his palms flat against the cool surface, the voices surrounding him dim and distant. It felt like Unit-01 was gripping his ribs, he couldn't get in air, he couldn't-

"Breathe," Ritsuko's voice smashed through his spiral of self-destruction and prompted him to follow her order.

He felt her hands on his shoulders, where the neck met the torso. A gentle pressure that seemed to deflate all of his anxiety, allowing him to regain control of himself once more, "S-sorry." He sucked in another lungful of air, "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry," she whispered, "breathe." Her grip shifted, and she slowly worked the tension out of his shoulders and neck, "I need you to be focused, Shinji." Her voice gained in volume, "Today's test is intended to set a baseline for you in a non-combat situation. We need to see what your responses are when you're not rightly scared out of your mind by being thrown to the wolves."

"Are you ok, Shinji?" Hikari stepped into view, "You didn't respond at all."

"Repressed anger, chronic anxiety, and likely a healthy case of depression," Ritsuko turned the young Pilot around, running her hand down his back. "He's fine. I'd recommend, since you're friends, that you try to get him to open up and talk." The bottle blonde turned and walked back to her MAGI terminal, "But not right now. Right now, it's time for Science!"

"I'm fine," Shinji's eyes were haunted. The ghosts of failures future and past swirling in his mind. "Sorry."

"I-" Hikari was cut off by Ritsuko's reappearance.

"Here you go," she pressed his plugsuit to his chest, "there's a locker room right through that door. Go ahead and try this on." Turning him towards the door, she waved the wrist control, "There's a switch on this ring here, once you have all your fingers in the right place, just give this a tap and the suit will conform to your body." Gently urging him through the door, she smiled, "If you need help, tap the blue button. It's the suit's integrated communication's system, I'll hear you through my ear-piece," she tapped the small device on her ear. "And," she leaned forward lowering her voice to a whisper, "don't stress. You have every right to be angry at your father. But you can't let him ruin your day every time you see him. That's giving him way more control over you than he deserves." She winked, "Ok?"

Shinji blinked as the door slid shut. Looking down at the amorphous plugsuit, he ran her words through his head, "She's right." He started to undress, "She's absolutely right." Calmly folding his clothes, he focused on his breathing, reminding himself that the synchronization tests took forever if there was a lot of emotional noise, "I can do this." Slipping back into the plugsuit was a simple affair, and the Third Child was soon stepping back into the lab with his calm restored.

"Ha!" Ritsuko snapped her fingers, "I knew I had the size right."

"Wow," Maya smiled, "he does kind of slouch, doesn't he?" The mousey tech walked over and patted the small of Shinji's back, "You should walk tall, Shinji-Kun. You've saved the city, you're doing great in school, and you look great doing it." Her grin shifted to Hikari, "Tell him!"

"I…yeah," Hikari blushed, "uhm…wow, Shinji." She tried to stop herself from looking along his body, "That's really form-fitting, isn't it?"

"It has to be," Ritsuko walked over and opened the entry plug, "the methods involved in synchronizing require as much bio-electric conductivity as possible." She shrugged, "If I could get away with it, I'd have them pilot naked."

"No, thank you," Shinji paused in the middle of climbing in. "In fact, I'd really rather not even test that theory out. Ayanami-San is a woman, right?"

"Oh!" Hikari clapped her hands over her mouth, "Yeah, that'd be really awkward. You'd be seeing…everything..." She blushed profusely and turned away, "I'm sorry!"

Ritsuko sighed, "You have nothing to be ashamed of, Hikari-Chan. Shinji is a well-proportioned young man, and it is only natural to have curiosities regarding how someone you're attracted to looks without all the drapery." She looked towards Shinji, "And you, I'm the Scientist, I set the course for scientific discovery. You don't get a vote unless you're willing to work for it."

He settled back into the seat, "Ok, what do you want in exchange for no nude testing?"

"Hmm," she tapped her cheek, "let me think on it. You have any offers?"

"I'll make you whatever you want to eat for the rest of your life," he looked at her earnestly, "I'm rather serious about not wanting to test in the nude. What happens if something goes wrong during the test?" The night spent in the lake. "If we had to evacuate, or worse, prep for an Angel attacking?" Asuka shrieking constantly about how he was a pervert for knowing she was nude. "It's not just an embarrassment for me, but for the organization. Imagine the fallout if the media got hold of it."

"You make a tempting offer, and excellent points," Ritsuko nodded sagely. "What if I offered to do the tests nude with you?"

Shinji's blush was immediate, and only matched by Hikari's. "Oh my," the Class Rep breathed, "that's one strong counteroffer."

"Senpai!" Maya squeaked, "You can't do that!"

"Why not?" Ritsuko quirked an eyebrow at her protégé, "One, Shinji is seventeen, over the age of consent, especially with the new post Valentine's Day laws. Two, I'm offering to meet him halfway on a subject that he's claimed to have strong feelings on. It's perfectly valid for him to feel anxious regarding this, and I'm simply helping him adjust. Three, the test would only involve me, him, and Hikari-Chan if she's able to keep her nose from bleeding." She smirked at Shinji, "Something to contemplate."

"I…uhm." He must have misheard them, he wasn't seventeen. He was fifteen. Shinji swallowed, "I'm ready to start the test." His mind suddenly no longer focused on his anger regarding his father, or his fears surrounding the future, he instead had a vision of Ritsuko standing on the platform during the Eleventh Angel sans clothes. Banishing such thoughts to the Sin Bin, he forced his mind to go back towards neutral.

Hikari was escorted back away from the test bay by the Doctor, "We're going to section off this area, Hikari-Chan. We need to reduce external variables, you'll be able to watch with me over here." Pressing the Class Rep down into a chair, she tapped out a command and brought up a screen showing Shinji's meditative posture, "Ok, Shinji, we're going to flood the tube now."

He opened his eyes and nodded, "Roger."

When the LCL began to flow into the chamber, Hikari squeaked, "Is that…water?"

"It's a breathable semi-liquid," Maya soothed the young woman's back, "it acts as a conductive interface between Shinji-Kun and the Eva." When Shinji blew out his breath explosively and sucked in a lungful, the mousey tech clapped, "This is the second time he's had to do this, and he's already adjusted like a pro!"

"Ok, Shinji, next up is the basic connections," Ritsuko typed faster than Hikari could follow on her modified keyboard. "Maya, start at thirteen C, step four."

"Yes ma'am," Maya hummed as she worked.

Hikari watched raptly as Shinji seemed to suddenly be completely at peace, "Does it put him to sleep?"

"No." The Doctor shook her head in growing admiration for the young man, "Shinji does, however, seem to remember that Maya told him that he needs to be at peace for the connections to work right." Her tone changed, "Go for A-Ten."

"A-Ten in three, two," Maya hit the enter key. Data began to populate the various screens, "Oooo," the tech groaned, "fifty-three point two. Very big drop-off from his first go."

"Doct- I mean, Ritsuko-San," Shinji opened his eyes, "something feels…fuzzy."

"Fuzzy how, Shinji?" Ritsuko somehow began typing even faster, "I need more descriptors."

"I can't feel my right arm or leg," he frowned, "and my face is tingling on that side."

"Right side…oh," Ritsuko growled, "I see it. Maya, who was responsible for the last maintenance cycle?"

"That'd be Tokina-Kun," Maya answered from memory. She input a few lines and sighed, "He's still in the records. Booting him out."

"Boot him out of my Division," the bottle-blonde spat out. "This is reprehensible. We're running a multi-trillion-Yen organization here, not a convenience store." She reached over and patted Hikari on the arm, "Don't worry, Hikari-Chan. He's going to be fine in a few seconds."

The seconds ticked past, and Shinji suddenly sighed in relief, "Ok, less fuzzy now." He worked his hands, then nodded, "The feeling's gone."

"Amazing," Hikari looked at Ritsuko's screen, "the coding is self-propagating! You aren't just running various programs, you're telling the programs which segments they should run via injection, is it arbitrary? This is way past anything I've seen."

"One second," Ritsuko tapped out the final bit of code, "ok."

"Back up to eighty-four point six," Maya nodded. "Monitoring protocols set, recording the bi-directional circuits…ok, everything's ready."

"Keep your mind focused, Shinji, I'll mute our mics to avoid distracting you," Ritsuko flipped the switch next to her microphone. "Maya, could you do me a favor and go fire that idiot?"

"Yes, Senpai!" Maya locked her terminal and skipped out of the room.

When the door closed behind her favorite technician, the Doctor swung her chair towards Hikari, "Now, did I hear you correctly? You understood some of the coding?"

"Yes!" Hikari scooted her chair closer to the terminal, and began to read out the shorthand, "You're using a modified version of the original MAGI OS interface," she pointed to a few of the lines as they scrolled past. "Here, and here, the code is repeating itself because it meets the criteria you've set down. Each time the file reaches…what is this, two gigabits in size? Maybe? Anyway, it dumps it to the main file and rebuilds the query to include the variables that changed during the original segment."

"And this?" She pulled up a file on the terminal Hikari was at.

"It's…uh…oh! You have a test running. Each time this number," she tapped the screen next to Shinji's face, where a number was fluctuating between eighty-four and eighty-five, "reaches less than…I don't know, the code here is odd."

"Each time Shinji's synchronization ratio goes down, it records what his heartrate, blood pressure, and oh-two saturation are," she underlined each segment of the code. "Hikari-Chan, before I drag you down to HR to set you up with an internship, why don't we start the tutoring that I actually brought you here for." Ritsuko smiled softly as she shook her head, "It's amazing. First Shinji shows up out of nowhere and is an absolute savant at piloting; now you drop into my lap and are able to read my notes without any training at all." She sighed, "Anyway, show me what you two are studying in math, again. Let's set up a lesson plan for once Shinji's out of the test."

+++++ 3rd Angel + 3 : Monday (4)

"Ok, Shinji-Kun, test's over!" Maya's chipper voice sounded in the tube. "Senpai and Hikari-Chan are waiting in her lab," she keyed the sequence to drain the plug, "how do you feel?"

He coughed out the last of the LCL, shaking his head in an effort to knock loose the last clinging bits, "Better, actually."

"Better?" The mousey tech walked over with a large towel, "Kind of odd, but I like it!" She helped wrap him up, "You did great, Shinji-Kun. The readings should keep us busy for a few days, at least."

"That's good," he savored the warmth of the towel. "Thanks for making this warm for me." Nobody ever gave him a warm towel before.

Maya looked both ways, then leaned in, "I used the steam press in the locker room. Technically not supposed to use it that way because of the fire risk, but you looked like you were having a rough day. A warm towel after a shower always makes me feel better. It's like a fuzzy hug!" Shinji looked down and smiled, he had to admit it did feel wonderful. "Ok, hop on into the showers, I'm going to take you to the lab once you're done." The peppy tech hummed as she sauntered over to the terminals and finished shutting everything down.

Shinji was reluctant to set the towel down, to give up the next in the series of unexpected kindnesses he had been shown in his life version two-point-oh. Once the shower hit a temperature slightly north of Antarctic, he sighed and let the towel drop. Using the water to help separate the plugsuit from his skin, he tried to move faster. The stall door behind him shuddered slightly as pressure differences resolved in the room, and he turned around, nearly falling down.

"Don't worry, Shinji-Kun!" Maya's voice called out, "Just setting out warm towel number two! The water temperature in here is awful."

He blushed, a habit he found himself forming lately, and called back, "Thank you Ibuki-San."

"Maya, Shinji-Kun," her voice was closer. "I think we're going to get along famously, you know? Oh," she paused, "and Shinji-Kun? Thank you."

He turned off the shower, and caught the towel she tossed over the stall door, "You're, uhm, welcome?" Once again wrapped from shoulders to ankles in warmth, he smiled at the simple niceties.

"You're giving your all. You didn't hesitate when it came time to save lives," she sighed. "You didn't yell at me for not seeing your father and taking another route." With forced cheer in her voice, "I'll wait for you outside. Don't want to keep Senpai waiting too long!" Her footfalls receded, and the door soon opened and shut.

"Another thing you have to pay for, father," Shinji muttered. Why would he yell at Maya? She's never been anything but a joy to be around. Toweling off briskly, he was dressed and ready to go quickly. Tossing his plugsuit into the laundry with the towels, he came up with a plan. He stepped out and saw Maya standing at the entry plug, making notes. "Maya-San?"

She turned and smiled, "Hmm?"

"Thank you." He bowed, enough to show that he was genuine in his following comments, "From what I've read, in every organization there are people who work twice as hard as those around them, and never receive the acknowledgement they deserve for the success of the group." When he stood, he favored her with a heartfelt smile of gratitude, "You were the first person to speak to me in the Eva, the voice that urged me to be calm, the sound that I hung onto when I was surrounded in a pillar of flames. Misato-San may have been the one to direct me to victory, and Ritsuko-San may be the one who created all of this, but at the end of the day you were the one who held my hand as I fought against a monster. I owe you a debt, and so I'll leave it up to you how you wish to collect."

She stood staring at him, her emotions inscrutable, for several long moments. Hanging the engineering clipboard on the railing, she calmly crossed the distance between them and pulled him into a hug. "You are, without question, the most wonderful person I've ever met," she whispered. Her voice hitched, "Thank you, Shinji-Kun. I needed this more than you know."

Timidly, he wrapped his arms around her in return, "I would never yell at you, Maya-San." His voice gained strength as he felt her tremble, "You're trying your best. We can't control everything, no matter how badly we'd like to, and my father runs this place. If he chooses to hover over me no matter where I am, there's nothing that you or anyone else could do to stop him."

Maya couldn't understand why she was crying. She barely knew the young man, and yet he just had an aura about him that seemed to radiate with the same type of comforts she associated with her parent's dog. The big, fluffy Newfoundland-Mastiff mix that just lumbered around the farm and kept everyone happy. The mountain of muscled death that had protected them during the worst of the post-Impact lawlessness. Then it clicked, and she laughed once, a great sobbing laugh that startled her, "Sorry! Sorry…."

"No," Shinji leaned back a bit, "it's ok. Sometimes I think I need to cry more often than I do."

"No, no," she stepped back, waving. "You remind me of my favorite pet ever."

"Your…pet?"

"His eyes were the same color as yours, so is your hair," she wiped her eyes and smiled again, "and whenever I was feeling sad he'd nuzzle me until I was giggling again." She hugged him again, this time with more warmth than need, "I just thought that I was lucky to work with someone who reminded me of someone I loved." She gave him a final squeeze and held him out at arm's length, "Anything you need, Shinji. Anything at all, you come find me. I may not have any real power, but I know how to find things." She tugged her arm around his, "Let's go. Senpai's probably going to be irritated that it's taken this long."

+++++ 3rd Angel + 3 : Monday (4)

The study session flew past, Ritsuko and Maya alternating writing on the whiteboard and presenting the information in different ways. With near-ruthless efficiency, Ritsuko zeroed in on Shinji's learning style and began to cater specifically to how he learned. The time seemed to fly past, and before he knew it Misato was standing in the doorway, "Have you been studying all day?" She looked at the two students in horror, "Ritsuko, if you don't let them have any fun they're never going to start dating!"

"Misato-San!" Three voices chorused with various emotional inflections at once.

"I'm…actually kind of having fun," Shinji, the lone voice not in the chorus, murmured.

"I am too," Hikari recovered. "I never thought about learning it this way, but suddenly everything is making even more sense to me."

"And I'd like to say that the two of them have their focus exactly where it should be, Katsuragi-San," Maya lifted her chin up. "They have been completely dedicated to supporting each other through the lessons. I think they both have bright futures ahead of them if they show this much dedication to their education."

"They'll have tomorrow off anyway," Ritsuko finished. "I have to go over the data from today's synch-test, and that will take me all day. You should be supporting your ward, Misato, not encouraging him slacking off."

"Besides," Hikari added with a pleased grin, "Shinji and I are dating."

"Good for both of you!" Maya bounced giddily, "That's wonderful!"

"I told you she'd say yes," Misato smirked. "You should always listen to your Commander, Shinji." She pulled him into a headlock and began spinning him around rubbing her knuckles across his head. Maya gave chase, trying to dislodge the inordinately strong Captain's grip.

"I hope you are both very happy, Hikari-Chan," Ritsuko stated with a hint of sadness. "He seems like a great young man, and you are very put-together for your age." Her smile was wistful as she watched Misato play with the young Pilot.

"Well," Hikari stretched, standing up, "we're not complete yet." The Class Rep's eyes were weighing Shinji's clearly intentionally weak flails, correctly guessing that he wasn't struggling to full effect out of fear of hurting someone.

"Oh?" The Doctor's eyes snapped to Hikari's face, assessing her just as the young Class Rep was assessing Shinji. "What's missing?"

"I'm not sure," Hikari shrugged. "He needs…something. I'd like to think it was me, that I could begin to plan happily-ever-after and just grow in love with him…." She shook her head slowly, "But he needs something else. Maybe even someone else," she turned and smiled sadly back at the woman who had just spent half the day showing her career paths she'd never considered. "I hate to use something as cliché as women's intuition, but I'm already worried that I won't be the person he needs in his life to keep him safe, happy, and comfortable."

"You aren't worried about yourself?"

"Why should I be?" Hikari packed up her belongings slowly, "He's an excellent cook, a wonderful conversationalist. He has a career already, an ability to pull people towards him, and so long as we all survive this madness I'm positive he would spend the rest of his life dedicated to trying to make me the happiest woman on Earth." As she clasped her schoolbag shut, she shrugged again, "I've known him three days now, and I don't doubt any of that." Ritsuko stayed silent, letting the younger woman speak. "I'm not worried about that at all. What I'm worried about is something he said. He knows Misato-San is pushing him 'To stop being a shut-in hermit who's so afraid of rejection that he'd spend the rest of his worthless life catering to the first person to lay claim to him.' I worry, Ritsuko-San, that I'm maybe not the woman he should live his life with, and by dating him I'm just scaring away the woman he truly needs." Her face brightened, "I'm sorry. That's probably more information than you wanted or needed." She bowed low in apology, "Thank you for your lessons today, Sensei."

Ritsuko stood in shock as Hikari walked over and calmly defused the slow-motion brawl that was happening in the lab. Waving a half-hearted farewell as Misato latched onto both students and walked them out of the room and towards her awaiting vehicle. When Maya laughed softly, the bottle-blonde turned at the incongruous sound and raised a questioning eyebrow.

"Why is it Senpai, that a young man, little more than a boy really, can make me feel like I'm made of star-stuff?" She waved her hand near her head, "He actually thanked me, it's why we were late. He thanked me for talking to him before the Third Angel." She hugged her arms around her waist and smiled fondly at the recent memory, "Hikari-Chan is a lucky young lady, to have a young man like that fall for her." Her smile turned naughty, "I wonder if he'd share?"

"Maya!" Ritsuko gasped at the near mirror of her own thoughts.

"Oh, come on, Senpai," the younger woman smiled secretly, "tell me that you wouldn't just love to share either or both? Hikari-Chan is a brilliant young woman, easily smarter than I was at her age, with plenty of potential to push me to study harder to keep up. She's also maybe a month away from filling out into quite the beautiful woman." She gestured towards the MAGI terminal, "And Shinji-Kun is already rather handsome, if that's what you're looking for, and only going to become more so as he fills out according to the predictions." She held her fingers about seven inches apart, "That part that hasn't already filled out, that is."

"Maya Ibuki, you did not!" Ritsuko's eyes widened.

"When somebody mentioned doing the test nude, I'm guessing they weren't looking at certain readings on the MAGI like I was," Maya raised an eyebrow challengingly. "He may be dating Hikari-Chan, but I would bet my entire paycheck against a noodle stand dinner that he felt dizzy from blood loss at the thought of you without clothes." She pointed to the terminal, "You can check it yourself if you want, the playback's there. While you were explaining to them Gaussian elimination, I was working on setting up analysis of the results. It, pardon the pun, stuck out like a sore thumb."

Ritsuko looked at the terminal and frowned in thought.

+++++ 3rd Angel + 3 : Monday (4)

Misato pulled up to Hikari's house. If by 'pulled up' you intended to say she slid to a sideways stop that would shame most professional stunt drivers, "Ok, Hikari-Chan, you make sure to tell your dad that if he has any questions he can call me, yeah?" The Captain smiled her gigawatt best over her shoulder, "I hope you're not going to get in trouble, but I couldn't let you not have a phone to spend all night talking lovey-dovey with our man." She frowned, "And he's _our_ man, right? I saw him first."

"Misato!" Shinji blushed in embarrassment.

"I'll let him live with you for now, Misato-San," Hikari leaned forward. "But I only share him with those who share themselves with me." Sliding back against her seat, she kissed Shinji lingeringly while Misato tried to pick her jaw up off the dash. "I'll see you tomorrow morning, Shinji. Thank you for introducing me to Ritsuko-San, Maya-San, and Misato-San," she kissed him again. "Thank you for letting me choose you."

"I…uhm," Shinji blushed harder. "Th-thank you."

Hikari stepped out of the car, moving with a Queen's grace. Both Shinji and Misato watching her like a hawk as she walked to the door, and only when she was safe inside did either blink. "Shinji," Misato asked quietly, "we need to have a talk when we get home, ok?" When he nodded, his gaze still lingering on the Horaki home, she drove at a much more sedate pace to the apartment. Once they were inside, Misato pulled out a beer and let Shinji get himself some tea before speaking. "I'm not going to pull my punches, Shinji. I expect honesty in your responses, because I'm going to be honest in my questions. Ok?"

He seated himself and prepared for the inquisition.

"When you asked her to date you, did she accept with conditions?" Misato pulled the tab on her beer and took a sip. It was clear to the Third Child that the Tactical Commander was now dominant, and any prevarication would end poorly.

"She asked me, not the other way around."

"Makes sense," Misato nodded. "Conditions?"

"No," he shook his head. "She was actually afraid I'd say no."

"Ok," she paused. "She was not making a joke about sharing you, Shinji. I don't know if you picked up on that. I realize I'm a lot of a tease, I enjoy spinning people up. It's a bad habit, and not something everyone can appreciate, but I like to think I know the difference between time to tease and time to be serious."

"I know," Shinji looked down into his cup in embarrassment. "It's…I'm not sure it's my place to say."

"If you intend to keep dating her, it's your place to say," there was no room for debate in her tone. "I may not be your mother, I may barely be your guardian, but I will not allow you to enter into a relationship that's going to explode and hurt you. It's bad for the mission, it's bad for our survival, and it's extremely bad for you." She leaned forward, wrapping her hand around his, "I haven't known you that long, Shinji, but I actually like you. I'm quick to make up my mind like that, and I think you're probably the best example of your half of the species that I've ever met. Please, keep that in mind when I ask you to tell me willingly."

Shinji knew he was beat. He could see the argument playing out hundreds of ways, each of the paths Misato would take to get the answer out of him. He could see himself storming out, shutting down, refusing to tell her, or getting in a screaming match. It all ended with her finding out, because she was that much further beyond him in this arena. So he made a decision, "If I tell you, you tell nobody." He looked up, instead of keeping his gaze down where it was comfortable, "If I trust you, and you betray me, I'll never forgive you." His eyes hardened, "Ever."

Misato nodded once, "So long as it doesn't interfere with NERV's security, or your safety. I won't compromise on either one, even if it means you hate me." Her smile was self-deprecating, "Like I said, I haven't known you that long, but I kinda like you Shinji."

"It doesn't," he shook his head, letting his gaze drop back to the cup. "Hikari says she's…uhm…open to both sexes." He blushed, "She actually wants us to make friends with some of the girls in school, not to do those kind of things," he amended hastily, "she says she wants to practice being in a relationship with me, and another girl."

"Oh," Misato winced. "Ouch."

"I…I told her that I don't know if I can do that," he felt Misato squeeze his hand. When he looked back up he saw understanding and empathy, not anger or condemnation as he had feared. "I'd feel like I was cheating on her, or on the other…on the third party."

"Did she mention bringing another man into it?" Misato set her beer aside, clasping both of Shinji's hands in her own. "Did she use the word 'polyamory'?"

"N-no," he frowned. "Multiple love?"

"It's…complicated," Misato groaned. "I've had experience with the concept, and it isn't one of my fonder memories of my time in NERV's University program. Like all relationship related terms, it isn't as easy to define as we'd prefer. Polyamory can mean dating someone with varying degrees of openness. You can be free to date anyone and everyone, while staying with someone primarily, or you can have set rules you have to follow before you begin to date someone in addition. It can mean you date them together, or separately, or a mix of both."

"Complicated," Shinji stated under his breath, "I think that's underselling the point."

"It is," Misato nodded eagerly. "Don't get me wrong, for some people it really works. There are some people who just aren't the type to tie themselves down with a single person, and for them that kind of relationship is perfect."

"Not for you," he guessed.

"Not in the least," she sighed. "Don't get me wrong," she smiled sadly, "the right circumstances, the right people, the right openness and affection? I could probably make it work. But that'd be what I'd be doing. Work."

Shinji nodded, understanding her thoughts on the matter quite easily, "She stated a woman, specifically. I guessed that it was because she wanted to be free to express both halves of her…sexuality," he whispered the word, fearing the shriek of 'pervert', "and she was happy that I figured it out quickly."

"Well," Misato lifted her chin, "I'm getting the feeling I don't need to worry about you sneaking around and knocking her up."

"I, what?" Shinji's eyes shot open, "No!"

"Relax," she squeezed his hands firmly. "The way you speak about this, Shinji, I'm thinking you have some notions that you need to work through." Rubbing her thumbs along the outside of his hands, she smiled, "Sex isn't a dirty thing. It's certainly nothing to be embarrassed or…or make yourself feel bad about. I'm not championing you rushing into it, mind. It sounds like you feel you're not ready for it, and I know that kids nowadays are a lot quicker to jump into that phase of life, so please," she ducked down until he made eye contact, "whenever you have questions, or concerns, or fears, come talk to me." She frowned, "I sorely doubt your father would be interested in helping you. I don't want anyone pressuring you into something you're not ready for, no matter how nice they seem."

Shinji was forced to reassess everything he had ever thought regarding Misato's stance on the issue. In one fell swoop, she proved that it was her fear of upsetting the balance between Asuka and him, and not her agreeing that anything involving sex was automatically perversion. "I…I'll try."

"Thank you," her smile was once more brilliant, "I know I can trust you. Anyone Pen-Pen can open up to this quickly can't be a liar." She tilted her head to the side, "Talk to her, Shinji. You have tomorrow after school free, and I'll be at work until late. Bring her here, sit her down, and share your feelings." Her eyes echoed the pain that she had inside regarding her past, "You'll only save yourself a great deal of heartache if you stay honest with yourself. If what she wants and what you want aren't compatible, I promise you," she grinned, "there are other women out there that will give you everything you could ask for. And if this is it, I want you to know that I'm sorry I pushed on this…I'll be a lot more careful in the future."


	6. Chapter 6

+++++ 3rd Angel + 4 : Tuesday (5)

School passed unremarkably. Hikari and he had walked there quietly, each lost in thoughts that precluded public conversation. Classes came and went, notes taken and shared. Lunch was eaten in the same quiet manner their travel had passed, and when the final bell rang Shinji decided he couldn't delay any longer, "Hikari?"

"Mmm?" She looked up, startled out of her thoughts.

"Would you…mind coming over and…uhm, talking things over with me?" He swallowed, "Misato talked to me last night, and asked that I talk things through with you."

"Oh," Hikari seemed to deflate slightly. "Ok."

The walk to the apartment seemed to take twice as long, despite moving far faster than he had in the past. There was no hand-holding, no sense of silent contemplations, just a miasma of dread and foreboding that seemed a dark reflection of the bright time the day before. As he opened the door to the apartment, he began to worry that she was about to say that this was all a mistake. That he wasn't the right guy for her.

After stalling for time by making tea, he realized that was precisely what he was doing and turned to face her. The freckle-faced beauty was gazing down into her lap, looking like a woman dreading what was to come. It tore at his heart. "I'm sorry," he started to say.

"No, no," Hikari waved vaguely in his direction. "I'm the one who pushed you into it. I should have spent more time getting to know you." She shrugged, clearly struggling not to cry, "I mean, with all of these beautiful women around you, why would you want to spend your time around me?"

"I…wait, what?" Shinji heard, more than felt, the teacups fall from his fingers and crash to the floor. "No." He shook his head, stepping forward and crushing the shards of ceramic beneath his foot. He knelt down, ignoring the look of concern and sympathetic pain on his girlfriend's face, "No, I didn't bring you here to tell you I don't want to date you. I didn't. Please tell me that's not what you've been thinking all day." He saw her look behind him towards his feet, and shook his head, "Please, Hikari. Tell me that I'm not that stupid."

"You're bleeding," she went to stand, and was pressed down firmly into her chair.

"I don't care," he whispered. "Hikari, I brought you here because I wanted to talk about our relationship, not end it." His hands were shaking, his anxiety and depression causing his thoughts to spin violently in circles, "Misato is concerned that I'm not cut out for…what the hell was the word…multiple…polyamory!" His eyes locked onto hers, "I have so many questions about what you want, what I want, we haven't had a chance to talk about what we want. I've been thinking all day how to broach this, and here I am fucking it up and making you think I don't l-like you. I like you. I like you a lot. I've liked you, for," his mouth clacked shut as he realized he was about to share too much, "for as long as I've known you. I don't want to let that go, but I can't dispute that Misato has a point that we should talk about what you want." He realized he was going in circles verbally now, "Please, I'm sorry. Don't go."

Hikari wrapped her arms around his head, burying his face in her chest, "Damn it," she whispered. "This is all my fault." She squeezed him briefly, and pushed him back, "Stay still." Ducking out of reach, she went and put on her shoes then returned to the kitchen. "You're bleeding. I need to clean up the wound as well as the kitchen." She turned him over, helping him sit so he could see the steady drip of blood onto the tile floor, "And I need my shoes so that I don't join you."

"Oh…ow!" He winced, "Urgh, I really didn't notice that."

"Maybe you aren't as smart as I thought you were," she teased softly. "Do you keep a first aid kit under the sink?"

"The cabinet, there," he pointed.

She tugged down a towel, laying it out on the floor. Opening the cabinet door, she pulled out the first aid kit, "Yes, Shinji. I've been thinking all day that you were going to break up with me," she held up a hand for patience, "and it's my own fault. After my joke to Misato-San last night, when you showed up this morning with a million thoughts clouding your face I thought that she made you an offer you couldn't refuse."

"I…told you how I feel about her," he scanned his memory, he was certain they had talked about that this time through.

"You did," she smiled sadly, "and that's why this is all my fault." She winced, "I see the shard, this is going to sting." Her measure of his strength climbed another ten notches when he simply grunted softly as she pulled out the teacup shard. "I should have asked what was bothering you, or just approached you as if everything was fine, or let you speak your mind, or slapped myself upside the head," she poured some hydrogen peroxide into the wound, "anything but jump to the conclusion that the young man I've spent the past three days with suddenly isn't interested in me after being putty in my hands." Applying some gauze, she began to bandage the wound, "I was so wound up about what I said last night that I didn't get any sleep. I thought, maybe, if I teased Misato-San like she teases us, she'd look at me more favorably. I'm…not a good tease."

Shinji pulled his foot towards him as she finished, "I'm not breaking up with you." He frowned, his expression turning serious, "I just want to know what you want out of our relationship. What you mean by maybe adding another person," his voice dropped, his face becoming sad, "my fear at becoming a third wheel."

"Woman," Hikari mopped up the tea. "Not person."

He contemplated the significance, "Isn't that…I don't know, unfair?"

"It'd be unfair if it was a guy, Shinji," Hikari smiled patiently as she worked. "I'm correct in saying you're not bisexual, right?"

"I…don't think I am," he shook his head. "I mean, men are cool and all, but I can't really see myself…doing that." He sighed, "I can't see myself doing that with anyone, really. Who'd want to, with an enormous spaz like me?"

"I would," Hikari looked up with a grin. "But I'm a bit of a spaz myself, so maybe it's just like attracting like." She picked up the large pieces and tossed them into the trash, "If you don't like men, why should I ask you to accept me dating another one while I had you?" Walking delicately around the mess, she moved towards the new resting place of the broom and dustpan, "But a woman, I know you like us." Her smile was fire and promise, "I've seen it every time you look at me, so long as I'm not being too stupid to recognize it for what it is."

He pushed himself up into a chair, trying to clear the area for her to work, "But isn't it unfair that we'd ask another woman to not date another man?"

"No," she shrugged, "it's all part of the deal. She'd get to date two people, you and I, she'd get twice the comfort, twice the safety, twice the love. In return, she'd agree that we were a trio. Or a quartet," she laughed. "If we find two women willing to live in decadent sin with us."

"But what would happen if she found someone else? A man she wanted to live the rest of her life with?"

"It'd hurt," Hikari stated bluntly. "But we'd wish her well and hope that she was happy. Nothing is guaranteed, Shinji. Tomorrow, Ritsuko-San could show up and offer you everything you ever wanted. Riches, fame, power, and more sex than you could shake my sister's university at. Who am I to stop you from going with her?"

His eyes shone with earnest sincerity as he replied simply, "My girlfriend."

She paused in her efforts, swallowing back the sudden tears. "I don't deserve you, Shinji." When she looked up at him, her eyes showed the struggle she was fighting, "Why couldn't I have just waited for you? Why did I have to set my hopes on Suzuhara? You have to think I'm some indecisive whore that just floats to whoever-"

Shinji crushed her in his arms, "Stop." His foot screamed in agony, his mind was shrieking that he was being perverted for instigating contact, but his heart was telling him that he knew exactly what she was doing to herself and that he needed to stop it cold. "I don't think anything of the sort." The broom clattered to the floor, and he felt her return the embrace as a sob ripped free from her lips, "I thought, once, that I could grow to care for…for the girl who kept calling me a pervert." He kept his tone even, calm, "I thought that she'd be the only person who'd ever tolerate me at all. That all I had to do was endure her abuse and she'd eventually accept me for who I was." The memory of Asuka hurt. The complications that were inbound in a few months confounded him in a way he was terrified of. "I'm not afraid of being alone, anymore."

She allowed him to console her, relishing the closeness, the strength in his arms, "But I'm 'the first woman to claim you'," she paraphrased. "What if I'm taking you away from the woman who deserves you?"

"Then they'll hurt, and they'll wish us well, and they'll hope we're happy," he echoed.

"You don't play fair," she laughed sadly, pushing away and drying her eyes. "You're not supposed to use my words better than I use my words."

"I'll try to keep that in mind," he intoned sincerely. "I'm sorry I scared you, Hikari." His eyes danced between hers, "I'm…I suck at talking," he chose to be blunt. "I suck a lot at talking."

"Well, right now you're doing just fine." She sighed, looking down at his foot, "Shinji, we need to get you to a hospital." She looked back up at him, "That's bleeding more than I think it should be, you may very well have hit something important."

Shinji looked down and saw that he did indeed have a puddle of blood forming beneath his foot, "Oh." Pain began to register, "I…I guess I should admit that it's starting to really hurt now."

Turning and grabbing one of the dry dishtowels, Hikari lifted his foot gently and wrapped it tightly in the cloth. "Ok," she nodded, all business now that she had an important task to be about, "let's hobble to NERV. I don't think you're going to bleed out, but I also don't think we should chance it. An infection, or worse, could happen while we wait it out."

+++++ 3rd Angel + 4 : Tuesday (5)

The pair made their way slowly down to the ground floor, Shinji with one shoe on and the other in Hikari's school bag. When the elevator opened, there were two suit-wearing women standing on the other side. "Section Two," the shorter flipped open a badge. "I'm guessing you're trying to get to Doctor Akagi?" She thumbed over her shoulder towards a waiting vehicle, "Pile in. No bleeding out while we're on duty." The larger woman bent down slightly and scooped Shinji into a bridal carry. "C'mon Horaki-Chan," the first urged. "Step lively."

Less than a moment later, they were breezing down the streets of Tokyo-3. "I'm sorry for bleeding in your vehicle, ma'am," Shinji winced as he tried to keep his foot steady. "I'll help clean it once I'm not…well, going to make it worse."

"Meh," the shorter woman shrugged, flicking on the turn signal and keeping her head in motion. "Company car, we have people who clean it professionally. You just worry about keeping as much of the red juice inside you as possible, you hear?"

The larger woman turned to Hikari, "For the record, what happened?"

"He dropped a pair of teacups," the Class Rep squeezed Shinji's hand, "and while he was trying to clean it up, stepped on a larger shard." She gestured to a spot of blood on her skirt, "I did what I could, but I think it might need stitches."

"Mmm," the woman nodded. "Ikari-Kun," she raised an eyebrow, "anything to add?"

He tilted his head, "I'm sorry?"

"Good," she turned back to the front. "Keep the lie nice and simple, believe me, complicating it will only lead to people figuring out you're hiding something." She waved her hand airily, "I don't care about what really happened, so long as both of you aren't going to fight it out in public."

Hikari clamped down hard on Shinji's hand, "Thank you, ma'am." She looked at him and smiled softly, "We appreciate the relationship advice."

"Good kid," the passenger jabbed the driver. "At least someone listens to what I have to say."

"I listen to what you say, Akane-Chan. I just don't think it's worth responding to all the time," she slowed the car and rolled her window down. "Third Child and Girlfriend. Heading to Akagi, he's bleeding."

It was Sergeant Yokawa, again, "Ikari-Kun, Horaki-Chan," he nodded. "Head on in, ladies."

As they arrived at the passenger drop-off site, Maya could be seen hurrying over with a wheelchair. A hushed consultation with the taller Agent led to her frowning and nodding in understanding, "Ok, let's get you in the chair Shinji-Kun."

Hikari came around and helped the mousey technician maneuver him into place, "Not how I intended to meet you again, Ibuki-San."

"Maya, Hikari-Chan. We're all friends, now." Moving at a steady pace, to avoid running into anything or anyone, she clicked her tongue, "Shinji-Kun, what happened?"

"I stepped on a large chunk of a teacup," he twisted his head to look at his driver, only for her to poke his head straight again.

"Eyes forward," Maya urged. "Ok, Senpai asked for me to bring you straight to her. She's more than a little irritated right now."

"I'm sorry," his shoulders drooped, "I should have paid more attention."

Stopping at a junction to check for cross-traffic, Maya shook her head, "She's not mad at you, Shinji-Kun. Some of the results from yesterday's test aren't making sense in context, and she's irritated at the incongruity." Her voice picked up slightly, "To be honest, taking care of you may provide her with the right kind of respite to produce a good breakthrough."

Misato appeared from a nearby elevator, "Shinji, what the hell?" She stepped over to pace alongside the wheelchair, "I told you to talk to Hikari, not fight her."

"I didn't!" Shinji's eyes widened, "I dropped a pair of teacups, the shards cut right through the bottom of my sock, I promise!"

"I'm teasing," she sighed. "Hikari-Chan, are you ok?"

"I'm fine, Katsuragi-San," the freckle-faced beauty seemed as if she could jog along forever. "I used your first aid kit, but I don't think I was able to do more than give us time to find better treatment."

"Those better have not been my favorite mugs," Misato's face seemed…taut. Shinji wanted to reassure her that everything was ok but couldn't think of a way to explain that he was at fault without making the conversation he had been having far more public than he wanted it to be.

The room Maya pushed Shinji into was the same room he had seen Rei carted into for treatment several times after missions. Inside Ritsuko was already setting things out for wound debridement and potential suturing, "Put him on the bed, ladies." She pointed to Hikari without looking, "You go sit at the computer. Anything I say, you type." The Class Rep moved silently to comply. "Misato, you can stay up by his head, but you stay out of my way."

"Of course I can stay," the violet-haired warrior frowned, "I'm not leaving my husband." She smiled down at Shinji, "In sickness and in health, dear." Her eyes shifted quickly back over to Hikari, narrowing as she worked her jaw.

Ritsuko gave her a flat look, "Right. Maya, go get Yukani-Chan, please. I'm going to use L-Nine."

"L…are you sure, Senpai?" When Ritsuko's eyebrow raised a fraction of a millimeter, the mousey tech put her hands up and turned to leave, taking the chair with her.

"What's L-Nine?" Shinji frowned, "Why would you need something special for a cut?"

"It's a modified LCL solution," Ritsuko began to cut away the cloth around his foot. "I've been working on it since before your first battle. The properties of the liquid are still being discovered, and I think I've managed to isolate a strain that will assist in disinfection and healing."

Misato laid her hand gently on Shinji's shoulder, "Has it been tested?"

"Six hundred and forty-three times," Ritsuko murmured as she readied a series of injections. "I'm not going to risk our Pilot, Misato. I'm neither stupid nor suicidal," she looked up, her eyes softening for a fraction of a second, "this will hurt."

Shinji found his hand quickly full of Misato's, "Look at me, Shinji." She smiled that heart-stealing grin, "Just keep your eyes on me." The first injection was, in fact, ludicrously painful. Despite wanting to scream in agony, he clenched his neck and jaw, keeping his eyes locked on Misato's. "That's right," she cooed, "you're doing just fine Shinji." The purr in her voice was working, and despite his reservations regarding her standing in his life, he had to admit she was a powerfully attractive woman. Six more injections followed, each less painful than the one before, and he was soon completely numbed.

"Well done, Shinji," Ritsuko patted his calf. "I've seen full-grown adults break under less. Lidocaine, fourteen units." She looked over casually and saw Hikari was easily keeping up with the entire conversation, "Beginning debridement." She picked up a close-handled scrub brush, "Hydrogen peroxide and saline mixture applied liberally." Her voice had a mechanical quality, as if she wasn't thinking about what it was she was saying, "Ceramic fragments, less than one millimeter each. Thread, likely cotton and wool from the first aid and the socks."

Misato leaned down and whispered into Shinji's ear, "Nod if you're ok."

He nodded slowly, he could barely feel that anything was being done. When the door opened and Maya re-entered, he favored her with a tired smile.

The tech came over and soothed her hand along his chest before reporting, "Yukani-San has the chamber filling now, Senpai." She smiled down at Shinji, "Guess we're going to get more data out of you today, Shinji-Kun."

"All right," Ritsuko pressed the wound closed with a layer of gelatinous false skin, "this will melt off in the LCL, should help keep infection out and blood in until the L-Nine does its job. Let's move." Shinji was quickly set back in the wheelchair and, accompanied by a phalanx of women, carted to the synchronization chamber where a modified entry-plug stood pre-filled with LCL. Tapping a few buttons on a nearby panel, she nodded, satisfied, "Hikari, the terminal over there is ready for you to keep dictation. Misato, help Maya lift him in." She stepped back, "It's going to be a little warm, Shinji. Just breathe normal, like always."

A moment later, he was slowly floating to the bottom of the tank. The modified seat had no controls in place, and he found that there was no sound either. The liquid was quite warm, as Ritsuko had said, feeling more like a heated bath than the typical lukewarm variant he was familiar with. Breathing felt like he was in the middle of the thickest summer storm, the humidity combining with the pounding rains. As he relaxed, the different personalities in the room began to collide with each other. Misato had begun to ask Hikari about what they could have been doing in the kitchen that led to him dropping the cups, who took it with good grace and poise. Maya, of course, came to Hikari's defense, not really liking how Misato interacted with people in general, and those unable to strike back in particular. Ritsuko just sat back and shook her head at the chaos in her office. Though, Shinji noted, she seemed happy to have people around.

"Hello Shinji," a voice startled him, "how are you enjoying your second chance?" He tried to speak though his mouth refused to move, held in place by a sudden hardening of the LCL around his jaw. "No, no, no," the feminine presence chided. "No giving away the plot." A hummed version of a hauntingly familiar tune echoed through his mind, "You know, it really is rather cute what she's managed to do with the lifeblood. It's a shame she's so afraid of really pushing the limits, there's so much she'd be able to accomplish with just…the right…touch." Shinji felt his body begin to ache but couldn't move to look at himself to see what was wrong. "You have so much potential, Shinji. I think maybe you could be the one I've been waiting for, and so I'll mark you." He wanted to scream, to writhe in torment, the sensation of his bones shattering, his skin tearing, his internal organs squirming, all competing for primacy in the forefront of his mind. "Just a reminder. A notice that I'm still here, and I'm still watching." He began to fade from consciousness, "I'll let you have your fun with the ladies before you for now, but you promised me anything, and I'm going to collect. Don't worry about the pain, you won't remember a thing. Well, perhaps this: Don't fight the changes, it will only bring you more pain." The last thing Shinji heard was a soft giggle as darkness consumed him.

+++++ 3rd Angel + 5 : Wednesday (6)

Waking up in a comfortable bed, Shinji blinked away sleep, "I…don't recognize the ceiling here." His voice sounded odd. He felt heavier, too, though sitting up was no more difficult than it normally was. Looking around, he didn't see anything familiar. The 'Pilot's Lounge', the mocking nickname the nurses had given to the room he ended up in far too often the first time through, was painted with a pale blue stripe around the border. The room here was plain gunmetal, no thought to adornments or decoration. "There should be…." He sought out the red button that typically brought someone, eventually…sometimes.

Before he could begin to panic, as he realized that there was no real medical equipment to be seen, the door opened with a quiet rush of air, "How are you feeling, Shinji-Kun?" Maya's smile was soft, "Any pains?" The mousey Lieutenant pushed a small cart over, kicking a rolling stool along with it.

"What…what happened? I can't really remember anything after settling in the tank, I-I'm not wearing clothes," the fact bounced off his brain and triggered an avalanche. He was nude, in bed, alone with a woman. An attractive woman.

"You're wearing a blanket," settling on the stool, she manipulated it to accommodate her smaller stature. "We had to…well, cut what remained of your old clothes off. I'm sorry, Shinji-Kun." Her eyes showed that clearly enough, "There was an incident with the L-Nine, and…I'm here because Senpai is buried eyebrows-high in data trying to figure out how this happened."

"How…s-something went wrong?" Shinji looked at his torso, and noticed something off as he flicked his head to the side, "…hair?" Reaching up he felt his hair, normally in disarray after sleeping due to its short length, and kept feeling his hair as his hand trailed down, "It's…long? Oh no, how long have I been asleep?" Hair didn't simply grow overnight, and his was now over forty centimeters in length, and white as the moon! The thought that he had missed any of the Angels suddenly gripping his heart in icy fear.

"It's ok!" Maya hopped up, taking his hands and stilling his motions, "It's ok, you've only been asleep for about ten hours. It's around four in the morning." Studiously keeping her eyes on his, she reached down and tugged his sheet up again, covering what he had accidentally shared, "The L-Nine has triggered a few changes. If you're calm, I can show you…ok?"

"I-Is…is it bad?"

"No one should answer that question but you, Shinji-Kun," she smiled gently. "Here," sliding a drawer open she pulled out her tablet computer, "tap this," she showed an icon, "and take a look." While he worked on the tablet, she set out a few phlebotomy tools. He sighed, knowing that he'd never be working with a full tank of blood so long as he remained in the capacity he was with NERV.

The camera function clicked, then displayed a running recording. His hair, now shock white, was long and calm, "I…hair? W-what?" Tilting the camera slightly as he caught sight of his chest, he noted that it was still smooth and bare, but the change there seemed to be an increase in muscle definition, "What kind of 'disinfection' caused…this?!" He felt his abs as his stomach grumbled in protest at not being fed, "I-I-I'm…." His abdominal muscles were defined, no longer feeling like a flat soft surface.

"Handsome?" Maya cut in, hoping to stave off the growing despair she saw looming, "I know I said nobody should answer the question but you, but…well, I think you look dashing with longer hair."

"C-Can we cut it?" He set the tablet down, dry-washing his hands. "I-I…I don't…I look…."

"To be honest, Shinji-Kun," she winced, "we tried." When he looked back up in confusion, she shrugged, "Katsuragi-San demanded we trim your hair, to the length it was when you went into the tank. She wanted to dye it, reduce the shock." To buy time, she began to draw a few vials. They'd need staggered tests to reduce external variables.

He sensed her pause before she hesitated, "What happened?"

"It grew back instantly. Not 'in seconds' or 'quickly', it started to tangle inside the gear of the scissors I used it was so fast." She forced her most hopeful smile, "I guess it's a good thing you look so dashing with it, right?" Placing a small gel seal against his arm, she withdrew the needle, sealing the wound.

"I look like a girl," he moaned, falling back against the bed. Laying his hands over his eyes, he clenched his jaw, "I always got teased for looking like a girl when my hair got any longer than I had it. The few kids I'd see would call me Shinako."

"I…I really don't think that's going to be a problem," Maya tittered, a little embarrassed.

"Th-Thank you for t-trying," despair's cousin sorrow was coming to visit. He could feel the tears struggling to free themselves, "What d-do y-you-" He stilled as Maya sat on his bed, folding him in a huge hug. Half his mind, once more, roared in denial of proximity to anyone. The other half remembered a warm towel fondly.

"It's going to be ok," her voice was steady. "What I need from you," she combed her fingers through his hair, "is permission to help you stand up and get into the shower. I'd ask a male orderly to help, but Ritsuko-Senpai wants as few people involved in this as possible." She sat back, "I won't tease, I won't poke fun. The only people that will know about this are you, me, and Ritsuko-Senpai. Well, and Hikari-Chan. I don't doubt you'll tell her, and I'll apologize to her in person for the need."

"W-Why shower?" Grammatically, the sentence was horrifying, even to Shinji's panicked mind. However, the question was salient, and needed a response.

"Because we need to remove as many variables as we can before we get you back in the LCL. This could have impacted your ability to pilot, and your plugsuit isn't going to fit. We're putting together a new one, but we need to know sooner than that because…."

"Angels," Shinji nodded. Understanding feeding determination, "But…I can't walk naked through the halls!" And there went the sudden calm, "Th-That…."

"You won't," Maya shushed him again, keeping her eyes on his, trying to feed him the calm that her minor in Psychology wasn't needed to see he was losing. "Right outside is the testing chamber. I'll wheel you into the shower, help you get clean, and you'll get into the tank. Unless," she looked at him with a sigh, "you think you can walk three meters unassisted towards me." Standing, she backed away to the required distance. "I'll close my eyes, and you can try. You get over here, take my hands, and I'll empty the test room myself. Ritsuko-Senpai won't be there, I won't be there, we'll run the tests remotely." She slid her eyes closed, "But if you fall, it's going to be my job to explain why you're injured. So I'll put my trust in you to know yourself."

His weight had changed, he could recognize that. Shifting himself so that his legs dangled, he tugged the sheet off the bed and wrapped it around his waist. Keeping one hand on the western-style mattress, he tested his legs. Wobbling, his center-of-gravity well off of normal, he looked over at the woman who kept quiet and still. Her eyes were closed, her trust in him to do what was right. "I…I need help," he sighed.

Sliding her eyes open, she smiled sadly, "Thank you." Hurrying over, she shifted under his arm, "Oof, I guess Katsuragi-San wasn't lying. You're heavy!" She nodded once, "But we'll get you there together." Moving slowly towards the door, her voice changed to more of an instructor, "So, here's what we know. The LCL wasn't bad, there were no impurities, and you absorbed, instead of soaked in, the L-Nine. Your metabolic panels show that your kidneys, liver, and blood sugar are perfect. We've run some cell tests as well, and they came back negative."

"That's…good?" He swallowed as the door opened, relaxing when the test lab was empty.

"Yes, in this case 'negative' means everything is within normal ranges and you have no cellular abnormalities that would indicate anything like cancer or a degenerative disease. We're still running a whole battery of tests, though, so don't think we're trusting the first run just yet." She laughed, "Not that we _want_ something to be wrong, just that with this change we're not taking any risks."

"I'm the only pilot," Shinji nodded. "If I'm broken, things are bad."

"I won't lie and say that's not part of it," she admitted, "but we're also worried about Shinji-Kun, not just the Third Child." Her smile was comforting, "You've started working your way into our hearts, and we're not going to let you leave there without a fight. Friends are hard to come by, anymore."

"Y-you don't know me that well," he blushed.

"Don't need to," she set him down on a bench inside the stall intended for just this set of circumstances. "Everything you've done, everything you've said, it tells me everything I need to know." She looked at him contemplatively, "I'm making this your choice. I have to see you without clothes, do you want me to step into the shower without any? Fair's fair."

"I…uh…y…you…you don't have to!" He blushed, turning away, "I-I-I-"

"Shinji-Kun," she moved quickly to kneel next to him, "Shinji-Kun, it's ok. I offered because I wanted to make sure you were as comfortable as I could. If you'd rather I wore scrubs, I can."

"P-P-Please," he nodded rapidly. "Y-y-you shouldn't…I-I'm perverted."

"Who told you that?" Maya was aghast, "Did Katsuragi-San tell you that? You've not done anything perverted, Shinji-Kun, nothing at all!" She took his head in her hands, shifting his eyes towards her, "Look at me, look, I'm not lying." Her eyes were calm and imploring, "I made the offer to help put you at ease. If you'd rather I wasn't, then that's that." A quick kiss on his cheek, "I'll start the water to warming, and go change into some scrubs. You sit here until I get back, ok? Accidents in the shower claim far too many lives a year, and I'd never forgive myself if you were one of them." With one more smile she stood, twisted the knob on the shower wall, and walked out of the stall.

Shinji tried to put the image of Maya without clothes out of his mind. Sure, she wasn't Misato's unearthly perfection, or Ritsuko's statuesque form, or even Hikari's traditional beauty, but she was powerfully…cute. Cute in the way that makes a man want to kick himself when he sees some other lucky slob notice her first. Cute in the girl next..., "Stop." He whispered. "Focus."

The door popped back open, and in stepped Maya in mismatched colors and a waterproof hairnet, "I haf kom for zee payshent!" She lifted an eyebrow comically, "Ahr joo preepaired?!" He couldn't restrain the laugh, which lit her face in response, "There we go." Walking over, she tested the water, "Warm enough, let's get you scrubbed. Unfortunately, we have to use a specific soap, and it smells…strong."

When the gel was dispensed, Shinji realized that she wasn't kidding, "Oof, I'm going to be smelling lemons for a month." Standing part way with support, he looked down, and half-dropped half-threw the sheet away. _Rip off the bandage, get in the fight._

"I know, right?" Keeping her tone light, she helped him sit once more on the bench and made a point of keeping her eyes in motion, "You'd think that making an additive a part of the mixture would reduce its utility, but you know how lemon is. It's probably intended to be part of the cleanse."

He had to admit, her hands felt wonderful as they moved along his skin. There was an edge that she walked, professional mixed with interpersonal, and he soon found himself shivering less and less. "I use lemon-scented floor cleaners," he tried to work with her lighter conversation. "Maybe this is the same thing, intended to make my smooth surfaces shiny."

Maya laughed, genuine warmth permeating the sound, "If you polish to a mirror shine I'll make sure to send a comment to the manufacturer, Shinji."

He noticed, though she didn't, the lack of honorific. For some reason, it didn't feel awkward, "So, how do we clean my hair?" He tried to gather it together, "How do I _wear_ my hair? It's going to float about in the LCL, isn't it?"

"I snagged a hair-tie from a coworker," Maya smiled. "Told her that it wasn't going to be returned, so she made me promise to recompense her. Twenty yen you owe me, mister!" She shook her finger, sending a splatter of soap against his chest, "I'm not made of money." The paltry amount was of no importance to her, and he could see it.

Smiling at the tease, he nodded, "I'll be certain to repay you, Maya." Holding onto the bench as she worked to scrub at his legs, he swallowed at her proximity to…that. "M-Maybe I c-could make d-dinner, one d-day?"

"I'd love that, Shinji," she smiled up at him, pointedly ignoring his burgeoning issue. "Ritsuko-Senpai says you have a magician's touch in the kitchen, we could compare recipes. I've been known to work wonders myself. Lift this foot," she tapped his calf, "thank you. So, what would you make?"

"Whatever you l-like," he sucked in a calming breath. "I could e-even make a w-western dish."

"Oh? Other foot," she switched. "You know how to cook western meals too? I've always wondered what a Taco Casserole is." Standing, she took his hands in hers, "You'll want to take care of the area between your legs and around the back," giving him a great deal of soap she smiled and moved behind him, beginning her work again on his upper back. "Do you think you could manage to make that?"

"I…uh," he blushed as he soaped his groin, not wanting to dawdle but also not wanting to be overly demonstrative about playing with himself in front of the soggy cutie, "I can find a recipe online." He blushed as her hands moved down his back, "I-If that's what y-you want."

"That's great," her voice remained light and breezy. "It's some weird American dish, and it just sounds funny, doesn't it?" He heard the bench creak, and suddenly her hands were moving through his hair, "I'm jealous, how fair is it that a man has such straight, bouncy hair while mine's all curly and crazy when it goes longer than my ears?" She smiled down at him as he tilted his head back to look up at her, "You know, white hair suits you just fine, Shinji."

"R-Really?" He blinked, a confused frown settling on his lips, "I-It's not freakish?"

"No," she laughed, dropping down and hugging him from behind. "You look like a hero from one of my seinen manga." Shuffling him forward under the water completely, she moved around to his front and began rinsing her hands, "Promise, you're just as, if not more, handsome." Ignoring the water running down her face, she put his hands up on her shoulders, "So don't worry. Hikari-Chan only left because she had school in the morning, she was distraught that you'd wake up and she'd be gone. I promised her that one of us would contact her before school if you woke up."

"Sh-She…."

"Shh," Maya tapped his lips. "I promise. Your little Light is going to be just as smitten." Her smile hid something he couldn't quite understand, "Now, are you ready to give us your total focus? The sooner we get these tests done, the sooner you can see her."

He nodded, once, "I…I can do this."

+++++ 3rd Angel + 5 : Wednesday (6)

Floating nude, again, Shinji kept his eyes closed. He felt odd, more complete. He couldn't explain it, and despite the nagging sensation that he had forgotten something entirely important he knew that the test was going well.

"Shinji-Kun," Ritsuko keyed her microphone, "I'm asking this question honestly, not teasingly or leadingly like certain Captains would. Are you…more comfortable like this? I know that we discussed doing this test, but the readings I'm getting aren't much different on a physical interaction level."

"Your score is up eight points, Shinji," Maya added. "You're over ninety-three, and that's beyond impressive."

"I'm…lucky that you can't see colors clearly," he answered quietly. "My toes are probably blushing." He'd reached the point of embarrassment that went beyond embarrassment, it was a near Zen-level of embarrassment. They'd tied a construction tarp around the lower half of the tank to shield his shame from view, and while he was expressly grateful for that consideration he knew that all it did was prevent continual observation. They'd already had more than an eyeful.

"The test is nearly over, Shinji-Kun. All we're doing now is gathering the data from the connection separating, and we're taking it stage by stage to make certain that we catch every detail." She kept her eyes focused on the monitor before her, "Once this is over, if you'd like, Maya-Kun can take you somewhere for a meal. I'm sorry that we've had to keep you from eating."

"I understand, Ritsuko-San," Shinji noticed her look over as he spoke and gave her the warmest smile he could manage, for how tired he was. "External variables."

"Why don't you join us, Senpai?" Maya knew the woman hadn't eaten since the accident, fueling herself with nicotine and caffeine in distinctly unhealthy amounts, "I'm sure Shinji wouldn't mind waiting a few extra minutes while you started everything analyzing, would you?"

"I wouldn't mind," he answered quickly. "I've waited longer to eat."

"First step we need to conquer is finding out if you can walk steady," the technician overrode Ritsuko's obvious attempt at avoiding time with the Third Child. "Draining the tank now, I want you to stay seated until I can get over there. Falling down will only delay our hunting party, and you don't want to see a hungry Maya. You wouldn't like her when she's hungry."

Laughing at the face she made, Shinji nodded in agreement. Once the LCL was below his chin, he coughed out the solution and tried to clear as much of his mouth as he could without access to a sink or shower. The tidal fluid, the gunk that aggregated at the bottom of his lungs, would take longer to expel, but doing that anywhere that wasn't private was rude. Soon enough, Maya appeared with a towel for him to cover himself with, her eyes closed, and her hands held out far enough that he wouldn't have to stretch but not so far that he felt she was treating him as a leper. Wrapped around the waist, he hoisted himself free of the chair and took her still-outstretched hands, "Ok…time to test my legs."

She clenched his hands tightly, her eyes open and watching for any signs that he'd topple over. "Slow steps, Shinji. Just one foot in front of the other." When he managed five smaller strides without a wobble, she smiled happily, "That's great! You're already recovering. Longer steps now," Walking backwards in a circle, she kept him moving steadily.

"Fatigue, and body dysmorphia," Ritsuko nodded to herself. "You look like you can try without training wheels, Shinji-Kun."

Maya squeezed his hands, then let her own fall to the side, "Just walk towards me, ok?"

He felt…stronger. Powerful. There was something in the way his body moved that seemed to demand he walk with an upright posture. His typical slouch was nearly painful, and so he lengthened his spine and let his shoulders fall into place, "I-I feel weird."

"Shinji, 'weird' isn't medically descriptive," Maya moved quickly up against him, offering support.

"N-no, I…I mean," he rolled his hand that wasn't close to the woman, "I feel…good? But weird."

"Use your words, Shinji-Kun," Ritsuko smirked. "I know you're eloquent enough to have the appropriate terms here. Start with 'where' and we'll narrow things down."

Stepping free of Maya's cautious embrace, trusting that she was just reacting to her patient saying something worrying, he closed his eyes and thought, "I…uhm…I slouch."

"You do," Ritsuko spoke into the pause, "you aren't, however, right now."

"That's because slouching seems to hurt," he opened his eyes and rocked his head from side to side, "like my spine doesn't want to compress."

"The new muscular growth, along with the lengthening of your skeletal structure, would do that," Maya turned to Ritsuko, receiving a nod of agreement. "This is as good an opportunity as any to try to rid yourself of that habit, Shinji. Where else is 'weird'?"

"I feel…strong? It's like…like my body…." He reached up to scrub his fingers through his hair, and was reminded of its new length, "Like if I tried to I could h-hurt…things."

Ritsuko pursed her lips, "Interesting." Standing up, she crossed over to him and held out her hand, palm down, "Please take my hand, Shinji-Kun."

When Maya saw him hesitate, she picked up his free, left, hand and smiled, "It's ok, Shinji. She wants to get a gauge for your grip strength." Putting his hand in Ritsuko's she stepped to the side, "There are a lot of muscle groups that are engaged when you squeeze, we use this to test relative strength."

"Squeeze firmly," the bottle-blonde urged him. When his grip barely firmed, she sighed, "Shinji-Kun, I'm not made of glass. I need you to squeeze fir-wow, ow, ok!"

Shinji yanked his hand free, "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I-I…I didn't-"

"It's ok," Ritsuko shook her hand vigorously, "it's ok, you did what I asked you to." She tilted her head towards the showers, "Do me a favor, go get clean. I need to gather a few things. Maya-Kun, go get his clothes set out, then bring back the O.T. indoc kit."

"Come on, Shinji," Maya ushered him towards the showers again. "Ritsuko and I put together some clothes for you, paid for by NERV. Let's get that LCL off you, and I'll lay out the least flashy options, how's that sound?"

"I…yeah," he looked down at his hand, "th-thanks."

+++++ 3rd Angel + 5 : Wednesday (6)

"Long story short," Ritsuko stood at her workstation, briefing the Sub-Commander, "we have no explanation available as to how this happened. The what is obvious, he's experienced a significant increase in muscle mass, bone density, and cardiovascular strength. The superficial changes are all accommodating the internal structural alterations. What he's physically capable of now is likely on par with the pre-Impact Olympic athletes, and his appetite backs up my theory that he's only begun to grow."

"Hmm," Kozo Fuyutsuki read through the MAGI report, frowning. "He's not going to like the lack of explanation here. There are people that will demand answers."

"He's welcome to spend the years required to get the requisite education to double-check my work," she raised an eyebrow. "I've run every test, panel, scan, and check I could conceive of. I even ran some that I would only usually have run on Ayanami, and every single one came back 'normal'."

"If normal, for the Third Child, was a lifelong effort to become a decathlete," he sighed. "I can't promise that he won't summon you to explain yourself, Doctor. But I'll do what I can to forestall it. Is there a reason to keep the young man here, or do you plan on releasing him?"

"He's healthy, and everything I could do for right now is waiting on results of what I'm already running. I could put him in the entry plug for the next four years and not gain any insight from it, it's best to just let him start to adjust to his new life." Did she _want_ to keep him here? Yes. During their lunch together he was inquisitive, charming, and repeatedly forgave her for fundamentally changing his entire physical being. To him, it was just another day in a life full of bad days.

"As you say," the old professor nodded. "Needless to say, we'll expect updates as they become available."

"Of course," she rolled her eyes, turning away. She had work to do, and an annoying itch to ignore. That stupid smile.


	7. Chapter 7

+++++ 3rd Angel + 5 : Wednesday (6)

Shinji arrived home, carrying his bags full of carefully folded clothing. Maya had taken him shopping, returning a number of the more…extravagant outfits. He was three steps into the apartment when he heard the shuffle of his warm-water roommate, "Good afternoon, Pen-Pen. I'll get you lunch in a minute, ok?"

The penguin stopped, turned its head slightly to the side, and warked.

"I know, buddy. I had an accident, Ritsuko-San said I had a reaction to the LCL, so now I look like this." Setting his clothes down in the closet he called home, he turned and saw the bird hadn't changed its position, "I-It's me, Shinji."

The bird seemed to roll its head in aggravation, clearly indicating that it knew who he was. Warking a few choice thoughts, and pointing at both Shinji and the outside, he conveyed that he was upset that nobody had come home to tell him where anyone was. He worried all night, and Misato had come and left without saying a word.

"M-Misato's not here?" Part of his mind was questioning how he knew so clearly what Pen-Pen had said, but his less curious side chalked it up to experience, "I'll give her a call." Pulling out his phone, he waited for the line to connect.

"Shinji! Hey, do you need something?" He could hear the sounds of heavy construction in the background.

"Pen-Pen was worried," he raised his voice a little. "He says you didn't tell him where I was and came and left without setting out food. So…well…."

"So you're worried your wifey is out with another man?" Her voice carried the tease despite the cacophony, "Don't you worry, dear, I'll be home for dinner. I'm actually getting an update on the repairs of your…work clothes." The euphemism wouldn't be missed by anyone with half a brain, but she was trying, "Are you ok?"

"Y-yeah," he nodded. "What do you want for dinner?"

"Whatever we have," she answered airily. "I don't want you to leave the apartment, ok? Ibuki-San gave me an update, and while I trust that you feel ok, I don't want you pushing it and collapsing. You scared me, Shinji," her voice shifted towards seriousness, "promise me you'll take it easy today, all right?"

"If…uh, if you say so," he sighed, his hopes for going to Hikari's house to see her after school vanishing. He couldn't tell Misato no, and she wasn't necessarily wrong. "I'll see what we have and have dinner waiting."

"Thank you, dear. It's so nice to have a man that listens to me," her tease came back as swiftly as it had left. "I'll be home by eight." The line went dead, and Shinji sighed once more.

"Well," he looked to the penguin, the tiny bird still regarding him curiously, "how about I boil some fish in Yebisu for you?"

This idea was, of course, magnanimously accepted, and Shinji found himself herded towards the kitchen to act upon it posthaste. Losing himself in the motions of preparing lunch for the bird, he avoided anything that required deeper thinking. It wasn't a good idea at the moment, and he didn't want to let himself spend the evening dreading the inevitable breakup when Hikari saw him the following morning.

Pen-Pen taken care of, he decided to spend some time studying. If he got ahead of it, as this year was now basically a review year, he could actually stand a chance at acceptance to a real university. It bothered him, when he thought about it, that none of the material seemed familiar. No sooner did he have his notebook out than the doorbell rang, startling him. "Who…?" Maybe Misato was having something delivered. He made his way to the door, sliding it open and revealing the worried face of Hikari and her surprised older sister Kodama, "Uhm…hi." He let his eyes flick between the two, "Oh, uhm, please, come in."

"Holy. Shit." Kodama was the first to make contact with him, less inclined towards respecting personal space than her younger sister. Patting his shoulders, she boggled, "Hikari, your boyfriend's hot!"

"And he's just been let out of the hospital," the Class Rep gently shoved her older sister further in so the door could close. "Could you maybe not grope him before I've even had a chance to give him a hug?" Making good on her complaint, the freckle-faced beauty wrapped her arms around her boyfriend, "How are you feeling?" She let go, taking his hands and smiling up at him, "I know, I know, it was just one night for observation, but…I worried."

"Oh wow!" Kodama's voice floated in from the kitchen, "You have a penguin!"

Shinji tried to keep up, but was stuck on the way that Hikari acted…no, simply ignored, the changes in his physical appearance, "I…uhm…fine?" He allowed himself to be dragged towards the kitchen, "Wh-what are you two doing here?"

"Seeing you, of course," Kodama had a hand calmly stroking Pen-Pen's plumage. "What, you think you're going to be hospitalized and we'll just la-dee-dah along like everything's normal?" Her laughter was a rich bronze sound, "You, my good man, need some self-confidence. Nozomi would have come over too, but someone has to feed daddy. Your girlfriend was wearing a hole in the kitchen last night worried about you."

"Kodama!" Hikari blushed, turning to Shinji, "I…just, you know…I was there when everything happened. Maya-San texted me saying that you were ok, after Misato-San…kicked me out. Ritsuko-San had a lady drive me home. So I knew you were ok, I just…it looked painful." Her eyes were filled with concern, "I couldn't do anything, and I had to leave you alone."

"And she, Shinji, has it bad," Kodama stood. Pushing him down into the seat by his study materials, she winked, "Now I'm going to cook dinner, you two sit here and gaze lovingly into each others eyes, and when it's time to leave I'll be there to walk my sister home so you don't worry."

"I…well…I knew you wouldn't be happy if I walked home alone," Hikari took her seat next to his. "And Kodama offered, so…."

"Are…uhm…." He looked over to where the elder Horaki sister perused the refrigerator, picking things out seemingly at random. Leaning down to his notebook, he brought up a notepad and quickly typed out the question, 'Are you ok?'

Hikari's smile was understanding, pulling out her own notebook, she replied, 'I'm fine. Was worried about you, but you don't seem to be in pain. Are you just hiding it?'

'No. No pain. I', he left the cursor flashing as he tried to order his thoughts. This wasn't the way he wanted to ask things, but his mind was demanding that he do so. If she didn't want to date him anymore, it was best to just spell it out. 'Sorry, thinking. I wanted to let you know that if you don't want to datgvag'

She slapped his hand lightly, giving him a look of pure frustration. "Kodama, we're going to go out to the sofa. There's more room there for books, ok?"

"Sounds good," the woman was happily preparing the evening's meal. "If you hear a cough it's me getting ready to come out, so you can finish up the kissy-face before potential embarrassment sets in." She cast a grin over her shoulder, "Or not, I don't care."

Ignoring her sister's jibe, Hikari dragged Shinji out to the couch, "Ok, I was afraid of this." Setting everything down, she perched herself on the edge of the cushion, taking both of his hands in her own, "Maya-San said you're suffering from dysmorphia, which is completely understandable considering what's just happened. So, I looked it up. You, right now, are dealing with a sudden and massive change to your self-cognition. That, of course, is coupled with your natural tendency towards seeing the worst in yourself thanks to that…." She looked around, leaning in, "That bitch." Blushing at her quiet condemnation of the person she couldn't know was once her best friend, she spoke with more force moving on, "And so the question you asked makes perfect sense coming from that perspective. Do you think I have it about right?"

Blinking, impressed at his psyche being so cleanly dissected, he could only nod in agreement. He was afraid. He looked, to his own eyes, like a freak. All the reassurances in the world wouldn't change that, and so he believed that's what everyone saw.

"Then let me state this clearly," she lifted her chin, "I am not dating a body. I am dating a man, and that man has a good heart, a keen mind, and a strong spirit. However," a blush played across her cheeks, "my boyfriend has gone from a solid seven out of ten to a clear ten out of ten." Letting her eyes shift towards the television, she tried to control her coloration, "I'm not saying you were unattractive, Shinji…just…I think you're the more aesthetically pleasing person in the relationship now."

He barked out a nervous laugh, "I…uhm…well…I'll disagree with you there." His own cheeks were rosy at the compliment, "I-I know that it can be hard…a lot harder than I probably understand, really, to not look at yourself and see flaws, imperfections, even imagined ugliness. I've lived my whole life knowing I'm unattractive, it's normal. It's background noise. But you…." He let his hands relax, cupping hers more gently instead of sitting rigid in fear, "But you're probably the most gorgeous girl in school, Hikari. I…you know, I haven't seen everyone. And I'm suffering from…what'd she call it," he frowned as he struggled to recall the concept Ritsuko had brought up, "Oh! Cognitive bias."

"This, Shinji," she practically melted against him in a warm hug, "this is why I'm never leaving you." She didn't need him to finish his thought, she knew what he intended. "Even when you're nervous, you still make me feel like an idol." Rubbing her temple one last time against his chest, she sat up, "So no, unless you're unhappy with me, I'm staying. I'm yours, Shinji, forever." The pair shifted apart at a silent agreed-upon signal, and Hikari patted her legs to force herself to focus, "Ok. You missed a lecture today in Japanese Literature, so I took notes for you."

The next few hours were spent in study, Kodama coming out of the kitchen from time to time to add her knowledge of the course material in question. While Ritsuko was a better pure instructor, Shinji felt Hikari would always be a superior teacher. Her pacing, emphasis, and focus all came together to make him feel as if he was learning without being judged or weighed. When Misato came home, noticing the additional shoes before announcing her arrival, he was so distracted by the conversation they were having that he failed to prepare himself for the social situation having changed.

"Shinji," his first warning, which he of course failed to notice, that things weren't going to be calm was the way Misato paused as she took in the room, "you know if you wanted a woman older than you I would have said 'yes'?" His second warning, the one that he'd later state he really regretted missing, was the fact that when Misato was truly in 'tease mode' she'd drape herself over him.

The young man sprang up from the couch, reflexively reacting as if he had been caught jacking off into Pen-Pen's face, "O-oh! M-Misato, this i-is-"

Rising from her chair with more grace than thirty Shinjis, "Kodama," Hikari's sister didn't find it necessary to share her last name, feeling anyone with eyes would notice the similarity between herself and her on-the-verge-of-breathtaking younger sister. "And you must be Katsuragi-San," she bowed slightly with a smile, "Shinji-Kun failed to mention he lived with an older woman." Winking at Shinji, she was surprised when the woman her sister had spoken of as nigh-unstoppable in teasing instead only raised an eyebrow and walked coldly into the kitchen.

"Your _friends_ ," her tone made it clear that the word bore no modifiers worth mentioning, "need to go home now, Shinji. Put your homework away, we need to have a talk."

Caught flat-footed, Shinji quietly began to put his schoolwork away, "Yes, Misato."

The tone, the hopeless and emotionally numb response, flicked a switch in Kodama's mind. The impression that she had been given, not only from Hikari, but from the Section Two woman that sat down for tea with her father after bringing Hikari home, was that Shinji was living with a 'Party Girl'. The elder sister's reaction to Shinji meekly obeying an order that seemed couched in a way to not only denigrate both he and her first sister, but somehow also seemed to include a slight against Kodama herself, was the stereotypical Horaki protectiveness, "I'm sure you won't mind if he sees us to the elevator. Rushed goodbyes are so…boorish."

"Wait," desperate to avoid confrontations, he began , only to be cut off by Misato slamming her beer down.

"Actually, I do mind. Out," she gestured towards the hallway leading from the door, "now."

Only Hikari saw Shinji's jaw clench, his nose and eyelid begin to twitch in irritation, "W-wait," he tried again.

Kodama scoffed, planting herself firmly between Shinji and his guardian, "Lady, where the hell do you get off sucking the joy out of his life? He gets out of the hospital and you're…where? He's supposed to make you dinner while you do what? Your 'ward'," she emphasized the tentative nature of their relationship with her fingers, "should be getting pampered by his girl-"

"Wait!"

"You are _not_ his girlfriends," Misato stepped right up to Kodama, staring her eye-to-eye. "Since he's too scared to say it, I'll say it for him. He doesn't want any part of this supposed relationship, and before he bled all over our kitchen, he had planned on making that clear. Now I don't want to see either of you around here again, so unless you want to find out just how aerodynamic you are I suggest you start walking."

" _Damn it all, I said wait!"_ Shinji's bellow of frustration caught everyone save the penguin by surprise. Pen-Pen waddled over to the young man, warking softly and patting his knee with a gentle flipper. "Misato-San," he gestured to his side, "this is Kodama _Horaki_. Hikari-S…Hikari-Chan's _older sister_." He kept his eyes locked on his once and future guardian, "She walked my _girlfriend_ , singular, over here so that they could see how I as doing." He swallowed, trying to tamp the rage back where it belonged, "Kodama-San is a nurse in training. I thought that you would have been happy to know that while you were busy with _my work clothes_ , there was someone with medical training here in case something went wrong." The musculature on his arms creaked slightly as his fists clenched and unclenched rhythmically, "N-now please," he fought his voice back to its usual docile tones, "let's begin again."

Misato blanched, "Sister?"

"This is my fault," Hikari crossed to Shinji, taking his arm, "at least partly." She looked to Misato, "I didn't do a very good job of communicating with him what it was that I meant, and that led to the accident with his foot. Which…led to this," she gazed sadly at his body. She bowed deeply towards Misato, "I'm very sorry for not being clearer, Katsuragi-San."

Pen-Pen looked at his human, letting his head roll freely as he warked out his piece while Hikari stood upright. He was disappointed in how she treated the young man's chosen mate. He had watched them very carefully, it was his duty as the nest-father after all, and besides some chaste touches they had been the picture of good manners. The older fledgling had even spoken well of his roommate's new plumage, the disturbingly white coloration that it was now. This was not the Misato he knew, and that upset him greatly.

"I'm," part of her wanted to just play it off as a joke. She paused, looking down at the table, "I'm sorry." After a deep breath, she looked back up to Shinji, "I overstepped my bounds."

"Y-you care…uhm, you care about me. About my wellbeing. B-but I spoke with Hikari about everything," he looked over to his girlfriend, "she doesn't want to rush into anything."

"I don't," Hikari shook her head eagerly, "I want to build a good relationship with him, first. If nothing ever comes around…. It…let's explain how the topic came up, Shinji."

Everyone gathered at the table in the kitchen for another hour of conversation, much calmer than the previous few minutes, as Hikari started with Shinji's desk full of cards, the conversation about finding friends, everything from the day before in detail. She was unsparing in criticism of herself, despite Shinji's continual attempts to deflect the blame to himself. Misato and Kodama took turns asking questions, sussing out the little facts that built a picture of two youths on the cusp of adulthood, neither of whom had any experience dating. When Shinji explained the conversation he had with Misato, and how he had tried to make it clear despite he himself not knowing what to think, the picture coalesced.

"That's quite the series of miscommunications," Kodama concluded slowly. Turning to look at the woman responsible for the young man that seemed to be a far better person than she had ever hoped her sister would find, she asked bluntly, "It seems more communication, not less, might help avoid problems in the future."

Misato accepted the lump, though with a clenched jaw. "Walk your girlfriend to the elevator, Shinji. I'd like to have a word with Kodama-San, and you two have school in the morning." Shinji stood swiftly, well-accustomed to following Misato's orders, and helped Hikari gather her belongings. While they moved about, Misato calmly took out another beer and offered it to her conversational partner, cracking her own open and sipping slowly.

Moments later, waiting at the elevator outside, Shinji and Hikari each seemed to wait for the other to break the silence.

"I'm sorry," both blurted out, "Oh, I'm sorry! No…." Hikari cut off the synchronization by dropping her bag and pulling him down into a kiss.

Shinji's hands twitched, slowly creeping towards embracing the young woman. Just as he managed to timidly grasp her shoulder, he stumbled slightly as she broke the kiss to regard him sadly. "Shinji," her voice matched her gaze, "please, you have my permission to hold me. I…understand that you're going to have challenges, and I'm not judging you for them, but I'll never be cross with you for holding me as we kiss." Proving her words, she stepped into him, pulling his arms around her, "Or any time we're not at school, really." She smiled happily, "I really like how I feel, when you hold me."

"S-sorry," he was still worked up over Misato's mistaken thoughts, and now the kiss, it was…. "It's so…different," he tried to put words to his emotions, the roiling ball of guilt and regret, the white-hot lump of anger, and how it all seemed to fade away into the background when she looked at him as if he was all that mattered. "You…you make me…." The words just wouldn't come, the eloquence of thought not transferring to his tongue.

She could almost taste his confusion, "Yes?"

"H-happy." He could hardly identify it, but there it was. It wasn't contentment, or simply the lack of suffering. It was honest, internal, happiness. "You make me happy, Hikari." His drive to be honest overrode the small bit of common sense he had, "It…it scares me." Wincing as he realized what he said, he paused as she laid her finger on his lips.

"No," her eyes firmed, the young woman in love becoming the leader instead, "I understand. We'll talk more later, but for tonight I want you to think about that feeling. I want you to think about being happy, and _why_ it scares you. Ok?"

Kodama stormed out of the apartment, leaving a grimacing Misato standing in the doorway clearly torn between making a scene and holding her tongue. As the nurse-in-training approached Shinji, she held out her hand, "Phone." Barely waiting for him to get it out of his pocket, she snatched it from him and tapped in a new entry, "I am going to have a conversation with Daddy tonight, Shinji. A closet." Her words inferred a horrifying rage held at bay by an iron will, "She has him living in a _fucking_ broom closet." Pushing his phone back to him, she looked up into his eyes, pure concern writ across her face, "If anything happens, if she does anything harmful, hurtful, abusive, whatever! You call me. I'll be over here in minutes." Her gaze dropped back to Hikari, irritation and disappointment taking the kinder emotions' place, "And you, we are going to have a chat. Let's go." Taking her sister's bag and marching Hikari down the stairs, Kodama left Shinji stunned and standing alone.

He knew this was his fault. He hadn't wanted to move into the larger room, hadn't wanted to take Asuka's domain as a placeholder. And now, his decision had made an improving situation much worse.

"Shinji," Misato's voice broke into his reverie, "come inside. We need to talk."

Walking inside, he startled as his guardian put her arm around his shoulders, "S-sorry."

Holding firm, she tugged him towards the small closet he had accepted as his own. "I need to know, Shinji, why _did_ you take the closet? I'm trying to understand, because I can't exactly disagree with… _her_. I should have known better than to allow you to do this to yourself, if for no other reason than I could tell you're conditioned to expect the worst. So…why?"

"I-it," _it's my room? This is where you shoved me after you let Asuka barge in and overturn everything? It's the place where the best memories of my life are tied into, as messed up as that is to say._ The strange thoughts bubbled below the surface, fighting with the desire to take all of the blame upon himself. "It…."

"I see," her grip changed. Instead of holding him in place, she tugged him into a hug, "I'm sorry." She was shorter than him, far shorter now, but somehow her hug seemed to subsume him. "I shouldn't have needed someone else to tell me to do what's right. I let…I made a stupid decision."

"It's my fault," Shinji didn't want this, he didn't want Misato in trouble. "I…you told me that the spare room was over there," he gestured to…Asuka's room. "I took this, b-because…because…."

"Because you're terrified this is temporary," Misato filled in the blank with what her mind felt was the most reasonable conclusion. "Because you were just torn out of the life you had, thrown to the wolves in a fight you don't understand, forced to live with someone not of your choosing, given no say in where, how, anything." She stepped back, "And I've been too busy with my duties at NERV to take care of my obligations with you." She nodded to the logic, "And all I've done is proven you right…let's fix this."

"F-fix?"

"Move you into the spare room, get you an actual window?" She turned on the smile she saved for those moments she felt no joy, but wanted desperately to give it, "Then…we'll see what tomorrow brings. Your girlfriend's sister is going to report what she's seen to Section Two, through her father. Her father, apparently, knows the Sub-Commander."

He shook his head, his hair slapping him as the ponytail flew freely, "This isn't your fault!"

"Yes, Shinji, it is," Misato responded simply. "I'm your guardian. I'm the one with the authority, and I allowed you to persist in this. I noticed that you came…." She sighed, "Wherever you lived before, Shinji, you were abused horribly. The signs are all over you in thirty-meter tall neon lights."

"I…I…." If he said anything, he knew Misato would laugh at the irony involved in her own condemnation of his previous living conditions. If she believed him. Which she wouldn't, because even he didn't believe himself.

"Let's get you in a real room, Shinji. Even if it's just for tonight." Slipping into the closet, she hefted the futon and began the process of moving the young man that she had failed.

+++++ 3rd Angel + 6 : Thursday (7)

After completely reading the various reports regarding the living conditions of his only pilot, Gendo kept his mouth behind his tented fingers, "What is your recommendation?"

"That's as loaded a question as you've handed me in some time," Kozo smirked. "There are many paths forward, each depending on what it is that you wish to portray. A return to your scenario would be ignoring the report from Section Two, allowing Captain Katsuragi's indifference and carefree attitude to grind him down." His smirk twisted into a scowl, "Or, you could direct that he cease any affiliation with the Horaki family." He clearly had no desire for that plan, "Should you intend to continue allowing him to seek his own reasons to fight, you could allow the situation to remain as it is, after issuing a reprimand to Captain Katsuragi for 'callous disregard of NERV assets'." Walking before the oversized desk, he braced his palms against its broad surface and leaned forward, "If you want to try being his father, for once…maybe give him a reason to fight for NERV, I do have an idea."

The supreme Commander of NERV, the man whose mere glare was known to reduce men and women to tears, eyed his accomplice with more than a hint of discomfort, "I was under the impression we were in agreement with regards to his purpose in the scenario."

"Come time for him to do what must be done, would you rather he pull the trigger willingly or hesitate and decide instead that everything should burn?" Kozo saw the gap in his protégé's plan, it had been present for nearly fourteen years after all. If Shinji Ikari were handed the power to oversee the destruction of the world after having been convinced of its emptiness, he'd simply opt to kill everyone and everything. There would be no 'happily ever after', no return to Eden, no reunification with Yui. Only death and loneliness. Now, having been handed enough of a prybar in Shinji's strange actions and transformation, he could begin the long journey towards addressing the monomaniacal insanity. "Nothing in my plan requires you to interact with him any more than you have already. A simple statement, a single action, and you'll have him right where we need him to be on the path."

Silence reigned, the old professor's opening gambit begun, as Gendo contemplated the chaos that had been unleashed in the week following his son's return. There were few good options available, short of returning to the original plan and grinding Shinji into a malleable paste. Doing that, however, risked a revolt. The supposedly timid Third Child had entered the fray of his own volition after scowling in the face of his Commander, stood and conquered the Angel, and nearly every single employee of NERV knew about his alteration at the hands of the third in command. He was a tragic hero, now. A populist icon. Gendo's eyes shifted back up to where his only remaining friend stood waiting, "Expound upon your proposal."

+++++ 3rd Angel + 6 : Thursday (7)

Spying Nozomi in the distance already hurrying off to class, Shinji reached for the Horaki's doorbell, only to have the door spring open just before contact. "Oh," standing there was Toshiro Horaki: Man, Mountain, Myth, "G-good morning Horaki-San." Shinji bowed, "I-I'm here to pick up Hikari-San for class."

The big man considered Shinji appraisingly, "Your bruise has healed." This was the first time the Horaki Patriarch had seen the lad since his accident, and aside from a few issues with the way the boy stammered, he approved. There was strength of body now to support the strength of conviction. This was a young man who looked as if he could hold up the city, instead of simply acting like he could. Tilting his head so that he could more easily see Shinji's poorly-restrained and managed hair, however, he shook his head in disapproval, "Unacceptable. Go to the table." Moving aside to allow Shinji room to move, he called up the stairs, "Kodama-Chan, please come to the dining room."

As the door closed, Shinji's mind kicked into overdrive. Something was unacceptable, and he had been too preoccupied with the memories of the evening before to track where his girlfriend's father had been looking. There was less than no chance he'd consider striking Toshiro and making a run for it, as he'd have to keep running for the rest of time. Whatever it was the man found unacceptable was simply going to have to be either addressed or amputated before he could leave. Maybe he didn't like the choice of clothes. He had made certain to buy a nice set of black slacks to pair with the plain white shirt. It was mostly in uniform, technically he was supposed to have a collar, but the store had no collared white shirts in his size. His thoughts were, once more, derailed when he heard a familiar voice behind him.

"Oh, Shinji," Kodama sighed. "You can't go out in public with your hair like that, didn't anybody take the time to teach you how to care for it? It looked reasonable last night." Shinji turned at the voice and saw that Kodama wore a form-fitting tank top and blousy pair of house pants. "I'll be back in a second. Daddy he'll probably be late, could you text his minders? I refuse to half-ass this."

"Late?" Hikari appeared in her school uniform as Kodama moved up the stairs, "Oh, Shinji!" Slipping around her elder sister, the young woman planted herself by her father and bowed towards her boyfriend, "I apologize for not performing my duties. Both as your girlfriend, and more importantly as your Class Rep. I should have engaged with your guardian, or the school, on your living conditions." Standing upright again, she projected the familiar aura of her position as the Class Representative. Her dignity, her grace, her _class_ , shone through in the way she stood. "Please forgive my lapse in judgement, I promise I'll be more mindful going forward."

"N-no," Shinji stammered, "I…uhm, I ch-chose to-"

Toshiro's rumble cut him off, "It is not your place to decide her honor, Shinji-Kun." The big man held out an admonishing finger, "I raised my children to know the difference between right and wrong. That your situation has improved in comparison to your time in Nagano does not excuse her inaction."

"P-please, I-I…I'm not upset," he looked between father and daughter, "I'm just as much to blame."

"The responsibility lies with all parties, this is true. Your portion, however, is slight. Your penance, as well, will be slight." He settled one gigantic mitt on Hikari's shoulder, "The details are being discussed amongst the elders for now, once the decision has been made you will all abide by it." Patting her gently, he nodded, "Your duty is fulfilled, Hikari-Chan. Now you may play."

The change was immediate, "Thanks, Daddy." She turned and gave him a kiss on his cheek, then smiled apologetically to Shinji, "I have to go, but I'll carry your bag to class. You hurry along when Kodama's done doing what she has to, I'll take notes on what you miss." Crossing quickly to secure his satchel, she filled his vision with her face, "We'll talk more later, ok? We're still together, I still like you, a lot. I'll see you at school." A chaste kiss, and she was gone out the door.

"Ok, Lover-Kun, eyes front." Kodama teased as she stepped back into the room, "Daddy, did Hikari apologize properly?"

"She did," the big man nodded once. "How do you plan on presenting him, today?"

"Rope-braid." She slipped the only hairband Shinji had off, "Ugh, where did you find this?" Catching a scent, she lifted it and sniffed delicately, "Is…is that smell, blood?" She dangled it so that her father could take it, "No. Not having it." Sitting upright, he felt her spray something against his hair repeatedly, then the teeth of a comb gently working from his scalp on back. "Am I mistaken, Daddy?"

"No, this does indeed smell of blood." The big man scowled, "Child, where did you come by this?"

"It's…uhm, it's the LCL." He blushed, "It tastes like blood, too." He began to describe the substance, how it looks and smells, and what he had to wear while inside of it. "I…only have the one hairband. I guess it soaked up the scent, and I'm just used to it by now. S-sorry."

"You," the comb tapped his shoulder, "have nothing to apologize for, Shinji-Kun. If what Hikari said is true, I'm even more impressed with how good a person you are." More spraying, more combing, "That has to be disgusting, sitting in a cramped tube full of blood-smell and taste. And you breathe it?"

"Y-yes," he nodded, receiving a slight tug to remind him to hold still.

"Impressive," Toshiro pursed his lips in thought. "You show good discipline in not whining about it like many would."

"I-it's not that impressive," he demurred. "You get used to it, like…like a headache that doesn't end."

He felt Kodama's arms wrap around his shoulders, her face nestled in his neck, "Stop." Her whispered plea was filled with anguish, "Stop justifying the abuse, Shinji. It doesn't matter if it's 'necessary', it's not something you should ever just embrace as normal." Planting a soft kiss in the space between his neck and shoulder, she stood back up, "I think we should go shopping. Hikari and I will show you the ropes, how to care for this, since you're stuck with it."

"Y-you don't have to go out of your way," he swallowed the sadness that struck him suddenly. Nobody had ever told him something so…simple. The elder sister of his girlfriend, the woman carefully managing his hair, acted more like a mother than Misato ever had. More like a sister than Asuka ever had. More like a friend than Toji, or Kensuke. The affection burned him, like sunlight to a man emerging for the first time in his life from a cave, and it…felt wonderful.

"No, I don't 'have' to," she responded patiently. "I choose to. Because it is what should be done, and I have the power to do it," the statement had the air of a quote. "What do you think, Daddy, blue, green, or purple?" She laid three ribbons over Shinji's shoulder, one each of the mentioned hues, "I'm partial to purple."

+++++ 3rd Angel + 6 : Thursday (7)

Shinji walked to school with Kodama on his arm. Once his hair was just as she wanted it, the outspoken elder sister of the Horaki clan had changed quickly into a billowing maxi dress, an off-the-shoulder short-sleeves affair displaying her slender shoulders to devastating effect. As she clung to him lightly, the pain in his back preventing him from slouching, the warm knot of happiness warring with the entrenched instinct to shy away from human contact prevented him from knowing what to do. Instead of hurrying, as he had intended to, he kept his pace to her own. "It…it's hard to describe," he responded slowly to her latest question. "I was picked up at the station in Amori by him. We proceeded to Nagano. Then, I began school. One day my father kicks me out of my home, the next day I'm studying with Sensei. It was a little over a decade of lessons, cello, and chores."

"Fourteen years is more than 'a little over a decade'," Kodama sighed. "Shinji-Kun, you spent nearly a decade and a half not being shown any affection. You were kept from friendships, from family, from anything that would help you build a positive foundation for life! The fact that you're not a sociopath or a suicide risk is a miracle. Three hours to the nearest school, and no child protective services." Her arm was wrapped around his, her free hand toying with the fingers she softly held, "It's odd to think about the fact that it's about eighteen years after Second Impact, and there are still places like that in Japan…."

 _Eighteen?_ This was yet another person that placed the date in the future, and he wasn't just hearing it wrong. On a whim, Shinji pulled his phone from his rear pocket. Flipping open the calendar application, he stopped his forward momentum dead, "It…it can't be."

"Shinji-Kun…?"

Displayed for anyone to see was the year Two Thousand and Eighteen. He hadn't gone _back_ in time, he had gone _forward_!

"Shinji-Kun?"

His eyes flicked back and forth, how had he not once looked at a calendar?! He had assumed he had travelled back to the beginning, had been standing there in the middle of nowhere with his head installed snugly in his fifth point of contact, and not once had he bothered to flip open the small pay-by-the-hour phone he had purchased before leaving Nagano. _I am as big of an idiot as Asuka thinks I am._ But…if the year was different, what else might have changed?

Kodama's suddenly loud voice demanded his return to the conversation, " _Shinji_!" His reaction, the fear and confusion on his face, the bulging clench of his muscles as his fight-or-flight instincts kicked in, pushed Kodama to step in front of him and gently soothe her hands along his chest, "Shinji-Kun, look at me. Look," she waited for him to focus on her, "you're not back there, ok?" Taking the phone, she turned off the calendar and placed the device in his pocket once more, "You're here. With me, ok?" She nodded along with him, reading his confusion far differently than the real fears boiling within him, "Does this happen often when you discuss the past?"

"Th-this?" He tried to think of what to say, how to explain his reaction, "I-I…."

"It's ok," her smile was practiced, the type of smile a Nurse gives to someone that needs comfort, "you disassociated for a second there. Do you often lose time? Start thinking about something from before your arrival here and suddenly a great deal of time has passed that you can't account for?" She accepted his blank stare as expected, "You poor, sweet man." With a sigh, her smile drooped sadly, "I'm going to make sure you're taken care of, Shinji-Kun. You're far too good a person to leave in the hands of people that don't want to help you stay healthy."

"K-Kodama-San," _maybe if I ask questions now, I won't seem…addled,_ "w-what grade am I in?"

"You're a Senior," her smile returned to the practiced, reassuring, curve of her lips. "From what I understand, you're actually doing rather well." It was written clearly across her face that she felt he was simply trying to readjust his perception of time, determine where he was, when he was.

 _I have to be…at least sixteen…no seventeen._ He nodded slowly to buy himself time, _School starts in April. I was born in June. If I'm a Senior,_ "Y-you know," he laughed mechanically, "I…I never asked Hikari-Chan her birthday. S-some boyfriend I am, huh?" _If I'm a Senior, how am I making sense of any of the lessons? How is he still prattling on with that same speech three years later?_

"Don't worry," Kodama moved back to his arm, starting them in motion towards the school once more, "she was born in February, the year after you were, so you have a few months to come up with a present for her." She once more began to work with his fingers, "You were born in June, the Sixth according to Daddy, so that means…oh! You two are actually really compatible, that's great!" Her silly laugh brought his gaze down towards her, "You're a Gemini, and she's an Aquarius. That's a great match."

"Well…I-I'm glad that she's ok with an older boyfriend."

"This has happened in front of her, hasn't it?" Kodama shifted the topic back to his lapse. "She mentioned something specific, said that it triggered an event where you broke a wooden spoon." Sliding her fingers between his, she clasped his hand tightly, "I'm glad that you're non-violent, Shinji-Kun. It'll make it easier to help you adjust to medication."

 _Red-oni_. Recalling the incident in the kitchen back at the apartment, Shinji blushed, "I…I wasn't…I mean…."

"No, no," she bumped him gently, drawing his attention back down to her, "I don't think for a second that Hikari's in danger around you. You don't have anything to be ashamed of…you know," she stopped at the crosswalk leading to the main gate, "I think we need to tackle this problem as equals. You're not that much younger than me, and if I keep setting myself up as overburdened with formalities, it won't help you come to me with your problems." Letting go of his hand, she stood on her toes and pulled him into a hug, kissing him on the cheek, "So, Shinji, partners?" Dropping back to her heels, she left her hands on his elbows and gazed softly up into his eyes.

He couldn't say 'No', not in the face of such earnest compassion, "O-only if…uhm, if you come to me when you have problems too…b-because I wouldn't feel right burdening you without helping in return."

"If I have anything you can help with, Shinji," he could see that Hikari's dimples were an inherited family trait, "you'll be the first person to know."

+++++ 3rd Angel + 6 : Thursday (7)

"It's actually worse than you think," Ritsuko kept her hands in motion. Part of her was surprised that the impulse to rattle Misato's perfect teeth was becoming so hard to suppress, "What isn't included in that report is the photos." She wasn't a violent person, she certainly wasn't prone to outbursts. What on Earth had Shinji done to her that was making her feel the need to defend him?

Blissfully unaware of Ritsuko's inner turmoil, the Tactical Commander flipped through the recently arrived packet from the Section Two detail that had interviewed everyone Shinji had ever been within ten kilometers of during his time in Nagano, "How did nobody know about this? How was none of this in his file? I…I never would have allowed him to…."

"You wouldn't have taken him in," Ritsuko filled in the pause. Clamping her jaw shut, narrowly preventing herself from hurling the truth that Misato had only seen Shinji as a chance to suck up to the boss, the bottle-blonde continued her assault on various imperfections in the MAGI's coding. "So, now what are you going to do? Your 'error' came at a very awkward time."

"Pfft, 'error' makes it seem like a failure of logic," slumping in her chair, the violet-haired warrior groaned, "I got in way over my head. Bad intel, bad motivation, bad follow-through, and to top it all off I didn't even allow myself a bad exit strategy. If he _ever_ listens to me again outside of the Eva it'll surprise the hell out of me."

"I doubt Shinji is as callous as you think. From what I read in Horaki's report, Shinji attempted to divert blame onto himself repeatedly. So long as you don't misuse that instinct, you should have another chance to build a better relationship with him." Setting the code to compiling, she leaned back in her chair and stretched her neck out. "Maybe based on something other than a desire for a live-in butler," she muttered.

Too preoccupied with re-reading the damning paperwork, the Captain shook herself to try and refocus onto the conversation, "I'm sorry," Misato blinked, "I didn't hear what you said there at the end."

"Semp…oh," Maya glowered at the foreign entity in the room, "I didn't know we had a meeting, Sempai. I'm sorry I wasn't here for it."

Misato turned back to Ritsuko incredulously, "Did _everybody_ read this?" She couldn't help but feel the normally chipper and upbeat tech's distaste. Crossing her arms, she leaned forward slightly, unwilling to be cowed by the mousey assistant, "Yes, I fucked up, Lieutenant. I underestimated the problems he has, and overestimated the amount of strength he displays."

Ritsuko cut the diatribe off by answering the rhetorical question, "Just those personnel responsible for his health and safety." The faux-blonde stood, crossing to her assistant and taking the clipboard from her for a quick glance over, "Maya-Kun, are you sure that you grabbed the right paperwork?" Flipping through twice more, she scoffed and failed to notice Kozo walk into the room behind her, "Surely he can't be serious."

"I'm always serious," the old professor deadpanned, "and don't call me Shirley." When the joke failed to land, he let his eyes float to the ceiling in exasperation, "The Commander feels that this plan has the highest likelihood of success. The necessary steps to achieve our goals are obvious: Removing further opportunities for degradation of the lone deployable pilot's morale, developing an appropriate plan to deal with the lingering psychological issues to minimize their impact on his piloting, promoting capability-appropriate physical fitness to supplement the needed mental and emotional development," he cut off as Ritsuko glared at him. "Yes, Doctor?"

Slapping the clipboard with the back of her hand, she finally exploded, "I am _not_ a suitable guardian! Beyond the frankly obscene amount of time I need to spend performing the other tasks Gendo has assigned me, the research into what happened _under my watch_ to Shinji himself, and the fact that I don't have a spare bedroom, I own neither a vehicle nor a driver's license! I walk to work from my rent-controlled single-bedroom apartment every morning. What am I supposed to do? Have him sleep on my couch and let him ride me to NERV?"

Misato giggled at the unintended lewd statement, cutting into a cough as Kozo shifted his gaze to her.

"Uhm, Sempai," Maya raised her hand slightly, "according to the paperwork, he wouldn't be living with you. He'd be living with the Horaki family." She lifted another copy of the paperwork, "And the responsibility for checking in with him will be shared about, it's on the back half of the papers. You, myself, and…the Captain," her disdain for the plan once more manifested, "will coordinate to make certain that he is never without the ability to contact someone here. Or ask for help, should _one_ of us become unduly overbearing."

"Thank you, Lieutenant," Kozo nodded politely, "I believe she's found the paragraphs." While he agreed that Misato hadn't covered herself in glory, the original scenario would have required her…unique character.

"Wait," Ritsuko read through the parts she had overlooked in her initial disbelief, "you must have slipped into your dotage, old man," she looked up aghast. "You'd move him in with non-NERV personnel? With his girlfriend?"

"Would you rather…how did you put it, 'have him sleep on your couch and ride you to work'?" He chuckled as the scientist's cheeks colored with the realization of how she had phrased her objection, "He will be living with the Horaki family until such a time as we can locate suitable housing for him. If, however, he shows signs of improvement during his stay with them, he will be left in place until Toshiro Horaki tires of having him around." His easy-going demeanor vanished, replaced by stern-eyed leadership, "There is enough blame to be spread around, ladies. Right now, the Third Child is necessary for the defense of mankind. Shinji Ikari, however, is a human being with a list of lived abuses under NERV's watch that would land us on the front page of every newspaper, the cover story on every news network, and the sights of every single government watchdog between here and UNHQ. Thank whatever you hold dear that he isn't vindictive, and follow. The. Plan."

Holding their gaze long enough to be certain his point was made, the Sub-Commander of NERV turned and walked back out of the office as silently as he had entered. Whatever their reservations may be, the three women standing in Ritsuko's laboratory knew that no dissent would be tolerated. Ritsuko, specifically, could only hope that the changes being made weren't moving them out of a slow boiling pot into the open flames below.


	8. Chapter 8

+++++ 3rd Angel + 6 : Thursday (7)

Shinji arrived just after the first class of the day had let out, Kodama walking him up to the room after dismissing his contentions that it was unnecessary. The door was left open, revealing the typical restrained chaos that Hikari allowed inside. All eyes, however, moved to the two people that walked into the room, curious gazes and sudden silence greeting them. "Sorry about the delay, sis," Kodama presented Shinji by turning him so that the braid could be seen, "Daddy agreed that the purple was too much, so we switched to blue. What do you think?"

He could feel eyes crawling all along his body.

"Well, I think it's more important that he likes the color," Hikari mused, swiftly picking up on the reason for her sister's presence. "I mean, I think it looks awesome, but what do you think Shinji-Kun?"

"I-it's different," he wanted to run away. He could _hear_ them staring. Too stunned to resist, he felt Kodama turn him around to face his girlfriend, "I…uhm, I think Kodama-S…Kodama did a good job, though." He tried to smile, "I-I'd probably cut it off, though, if I could." Absent-mindedly he toyed with the thick, corded, braid of hair, hoping that he hadn't been rude in his honesty.

"Shinji-Kun?!" The young lady who sat behind him, Yang Xu, stood up quickly once she realized who he was and walked over to gently touch his arm, "What happened? Are you ok? Should you be at school?" The Chinese-born student turned between him and Hikari, "I mean, you look…sorry Hikari-Chan, but he looks incredible. But what happened? Did it hurt very badly?"

"If you'll calm down," Kodama stepped in smoothly, moving between Yang and Shinji as she addressed everyone, "I'll share what happened." The vivacious nurse-in-training squeezed his hand once to keep him silent, "You see, Shinji's job requires that he be exposed to certain chemicals. The properties of those chemicals are still being studied, and as you can see if something is even slightly out of balance it can have a rather dramatic effect on the Pilot. In this case, it turned him from a generally attractive young man into an idol." With a winsome grin, she spun herself in front of him, wrapping his arm around her, "But he is well enough for school, I'd just ask that all of you respect that the change has been rather traumatic and not bully or pester him." Unseen by the young man, her eyes narrowed dangerously, "He is, after all, the one responsible for us still breathing." Reaching one hand up behind her, she patted his cheek, "Take your seat, Shinji, I need to borrow my little sis for a second." The two Horakis moved out into the hall to begin a hushed exchange.

Shinji reflexively obeyed the request, finding it more of a challenge than he had anticipated. His additional height, breadth, and mass turning the usual slide into his desk into something more of a blacksmith's puzzle. Keeping his eyes on the flat surface of the desk as he worked, he nearly jumped when he felt Yang's hands gently grasp his elbow, "S-sorry!"

The reflexive word choice perplexed the young woman, "No, no," she shook her head slowly, "lean on me. I help my Gran into chairs like this at work, and I think you need help now, right?" Turning to look at the woman behind her, she flicked her head towards the back of the class, "Go get one of the larger chairs, Seika-Chan. Here, stand back up, Shinji-Kun. That chair's just too small now." Shifting her balance, the young woman repositioned his arm to allow him to lean against her as he stood.

Letting himself be pulled upright, Shinji was surprised when the chair disappeared, Tsuru whisking it away, "I-it's no trouble, really. I-I can make-"

"No, Shinji-Kun," Natsuko appeared before his desk waving her hands, "Hikari-Chan's sister is right. This is something of a change for you, and if you are going to face things like this the least we can do is help you face what we can." She tilted her body, providing a perfect viewing angle of her ample chest and lifting her chin appealingly, "So please? Let us help you?"

Seika slid the new chair into place, one of the larger seats intended for visiting teachers, "Here we go!" Ostentatiously dusting it off, she presented it as a prize trophy, "One larger seat for our Hero!"

Tsuru moved to help Yang as Shinji went to sit down, "Please be cautious, Shinji-Kun. My father often remarks about a period of growth he experienced one Summer in his youth. It would be worrying for our defender to be harmed through our inattention." If her height were any indication, the man must be as tall as Toshiro.

He let himself be counterbalanced by the two young women as he moved back into place. Finding the seat to be far more comfortable than he expected, Shinji relaxed as his arms were freed, "Th-thank you." The four ladies moved to form a semicircle before his desk, each making small, enticing, adjustments to their clothes or stance as they pointedly made a show of checking that he fit his environment well. "I-I don't want to be a distraction," he twisted slightly, "will you be able to see? Am I too tall to see around now?"

"You'll be fine, Shinji-Kun," Hikari reappeared with a small frown for the bevy of beauty before him. "If it becomes too much of an issue, I'll swap seats with you." She stepped by her desk, "Everyone, except you Shinji, stand!" When Shinji went to stand, he was quickly pressed back down into his seat by Yang, Seika, and Hikari, "Bow," his girlfriend raised an eyebrow at him and proceeded to bow once he shamefacedly looked down, "take your seats."

"Oh my," the physics teacher paused to look at Shinji, "when your nurse spoke to me in the hall Ikari-Kun, I have to admit I thought they were overstating the change. Well, no matter. Your Class Representative seems to have the matter well in hand, and this hands us an opportunity to discuss something related to the current module." Turning to the board, she wrote down a few characters, "Who knows about the 'Square-Cube Law'?"

+++++ 3rd Angel + 6 : Thursday (7)

A sudden rainstorm washed away the opportunity to eat outside, so Shinji and Hikari were forced to eat lunch in the classroom with his freshly-self-appointed 'helpers' joining the conversation by pushing their desks together with his. Taking the meal his girlfriend had prepared for him, he winced as his stomach made its desires loudly known, "S-sorry, I didn't have a chance to eat breakfast this morning. Everything was kind of rushed."

"Oh I never end up eating much for breakfast," Natsuko giggled. "And like clockwork, I end up eating a large lunch. If I'm not careful, I'll end up getting fat." Hefting her chest up, she patted her stomach, causing them to jiggle enticingly.

"Doesn't your family make sure you get enough to eat, Shinji-Kun?" Yang surreptitiously checked the contents of his lunch box, "My family owns several restaurants in the area, I could bring something in for you in the morning?" The young woman was the recipient of a cold stare from her friend for interjecting herself.

"Shinji doesn't live with his family," Hikari answered quietly. She didn't want to get into the specifics of the situation, and if what her sister told her was true the situation was about to become a lot more challenging to keep a lid on. "It's something of an odd arrangement."

"It's fine," he shook his head after swallowing, oblivious to the byplay happening around him. "My...my father wants nothing to do with me. My mother died when I was three," the four women arrayed on his left flank all appeared to commiserate, "and I'm an only child, so…no, no family." Ravenous, he polished off the last of the meal far faster than he normally would have dared eat, "This was great, Hikari. Thank you for making it for me."

Hikari took the box openly, raising an eyebrow at Seika who had subtly begun to slide half of her lunch towards him, "Do you need mine?"

"Oh, n-no," Shinji's stomach grumbled at the denial, "I don't, uhm, don't want you to do without."

"Shinji, you made this," Hikari tapped the small boxed offering. "You took enough time to make me food, but didn't take enough time to get your own breakfast. Logically, that makes it my responsibility to feed you, as you went without to provide for me." _So, ladies, step back a bit and let his girlfriend do what she ought to do!_

"No worry," Yang reached behind her into her bag and produced a small sack with two shredded-meat stuffed buns, "I always carry extra." Stuffing it onto Shinji's desk, she nodded, "If I don't find anyone that needs them here, I give them to the cats outside." She smiled to Hikari, intending to mollify the irritation she knew her actions would cause, "He's a stubborn one, Hikari-Chan. Like my uncle, never wants to admit that he's suffering even if his arm is broken."

"I'll pay you back," Shinji asserted quickly. "How much did this cost?"

"Me? Nothing," the leggy lady laughed. "Restaurants, remember? My family makes these, and always a few too many to make sure that if something happens during production we can replace what went bad." She urged him to eat, "I'm quite serious, I take a few once they're all accounted for so that nobody goes hungry here at school." Her eyes went out of focus momentarily, "I've been hungry before. It's a terrible thing." Shaking herself, her smile beamed out again, "So, no going hungry, Shinji-Kun! Hikari-Chan won't go easy on the class if you're all grumbly."

Shinji looked to Hikari for a sign, permission or acquiescence he didn't quite know, but he felt it appropriate to check before accepting food from one of the four young women she had previously mentioned. As soon as she nodded in acceptance, he quietly devoured the two baked goods as the conversation moved on.

"I know what it's like to live away from any relations," Tsuru asserted in her laconic manner. "I keep pictures in my apartment, of my younger sister, my parents." The statuesque young woman lightly patted his wrist, "My own mother passed when Mo-Chan was born, so I understand the pain you must feel."

"I'd say it must be nice, to live alone and have so much quiet," Seika sighed wistfully. She looked to Shinji, "I have four brothers. It's like living with a herd of elephants, noises and stomping and carrying on. I can never get any time in the bathroom to properly take care of myself," she flashed a grin that even Misato would have to admit was close to her own, "I mean look at me, Shinji-Kun? I had twenty minutes this morning to take care of things, I look terrible."

"N-no," the battle between 'perverted' and 'polite' raged anew, "you look fine, really." Crumpling up the wrapping from his second meal, he suddenly realized he was nowhere close to the trashcan and couldn't get up without stepping on someone.

"I'll take that," Natsuko scooped the trash from his hand, her fingers tracing along his palm as she did so and earning a flat glare from Seika and Hikari. "So how did it feel?" She turned to throw the garbage out, letting the unclear question hang in the air for a second, "When you grew larger?" With a hint of mischief in her eyes, she leaned forward and let her breasts rest on the desk between them, "Was it painful?"

"O-oh," he looked to Hikari, hoping for some assistance in keeping everything consistent. It wasn't that Kodama lied, just that she wasn't entirely truthful. "I…uhm, I really don't remember it. I went in for…uhm…."

"There was something that the people who take care of him needed to see him about," Hikari cut in smoothly. "While he was in the chemicals intended to produce one effect, they instead caused this. There was a failure with the equipment that monitored him in the tank, and so nobody noticed when he collapsed. Normally he's very quiet while he's inside, concentration and focus, you know." She caught sight of Kensuke, typing furiously, and rolled her eyes, "When they finally had to ask him a question and received no response, they manually checked and everything became…panicked."

"I'm sorry," Shinji whispered. "That must have been very unnerving for you, and I wasn't awake to help."

"You were there, Hikari-Chan?" Seika leaned forward, "Are you training to be a pilot too?"

"No, no," the freckle-faced beauty laughed. "I was there because Shinji-Kun's tutor is the same person that needed to see him, she had asked me to come along so that I could better explain what we're studying here." She sighed, "I was scared, yes, but I was scared for you, Shinji-Kun. Not about you, and not because of anything you did. It wasn't until I stopped by the next day that I really got to see you." The bell rang, signaling five minutes before the next class, "And we've already spoken about that, haven't we?" Her smile warmed him, as it was full of promise and care, without any hints of regret or dismay that would signal a change in her feelings.

+++++ 3rd Angel + 6 : Thursday (7)

Shinji sat through the rest of class, grateful that the post-lunch periods weren't anything he had to really focus his attention on. While he was determined to be a good student, there was just so much going on that he couldn't keep his mind where it belonged. Shaking himself once more, he adjusted his notes as the teacher corrected the blackboard for the third time. He could feel Hikari's eyes touch him from time to time and was immensely grateful that she already knew why he was distracted. As the period ended, he readied himself to go to the day's final class, gym.

When he left the room, Hikari slipped right next to him, effectively walling off anyone else that may have wanted to talk to him as he moved through the hallways, "You're doing fine," she asserted quietly. "One more period to go, so just focus on the track, ok?" Her lips flashed the barest hint of a smile, it wouldn't do for her to appear doting in public.

"I…yeah," he nodded eagerly, "yeah. It…uhm, it felt good to run the…other…that's going to be a problem." He stopped outside of the men's locker room, looking down at himself in dismay, "My gym clothes aren't going to fit."

"Hey, Ikari-Kun!" The gym teacher rounded the corner hurriedly, "Glad I caught you before you went inside. Your doctor called the school, asked us to get you a new outfit for gym today." The tall man stopped just before the two students, "I can't imagine what that must have felt like," he patted Shinji on the shoulder, a task made more difficult by the roughly equal size between men, "go ahead and get changed. We'll take it easy on you today, if you're not up for a full workout. I remember hitting my first big growth spurt and, oh man, that was a summer to remember." He winced, "Just give me what you can, today. If you need to, just walk around the track with Horaki-Chan. You don't mind keeping an eye on your classmate, right Horaki-Chan?"

"Not at all," Hikari agreed easily. "I'll meet you by the stands, ok?"

Shinji waved, then ducked into the lockers. A few of the less eager students were still changing and greeted him languidly. Moving to his locker, he hustled to get dressed in the new clothes. The shirt felt snug, but not overly so. The shorts didn't restrict movement, but they also didn't cover as much of his legs as he would have preferred. The best fit, oddly, was the shoes the teacher had provided. When he put them on he frowned as the realization set in that he'd never put much thought into what he wore on his feet. Several aches and pains that had built up over the day faded as his legs aligned properly for the first time in hours. Closing his locker, he made it just in time to participate in group stretches, one of the members of the track team waving him over to do the cooperative calisthenics.

"Good to see you today, Ikari-San," the student he partnered with was now just slightly shorter than him, as opposed to taller two days ago. "Was worried that something like what happened to Ayanami-San got you when you missed class yesterday. She ok? She works where you do, right?"

"She does," Shinji shifted to brace his partner, "and she's getting better. I hear she might be able to return soon."

"Awesome," bridging his torso, he laughed. "She's not a talker, but she is our classmate. Figure she's probably in training to do the same thing you are, and that means it's our job to support her, so she can go out and fight for all of us." Finishing the motions, he traded places with Shinji, "She was probably just lonely, hard to really connect with other people when they have no idea what you're going through, yeah? Makes it hard to make friends, fearing they're gonna judge you."

"Y-yeah," it felt odd to hear his own thoughts parroted unknowingly. "I'm…uh…I'm lucky that Horaki-San met me that first day. I had actually been close to just shutting everyone out, just like Ayanami-San must have."

"Ah, don't 'Horaki-San' me, Ikari-San. You two are an item, aren't you? No need to be so formal about it." Hefting Shinji upright, he slapped him on the back, "And I think that's awesome, too. Class Rep needs a good man, give her support, and none of us were going to go against Suzuhara-San, risk his anger. You though?" They braced hands and stretched their calves and quads, "You're the new kid. No history, no reason to avoid her. Horaki-San's a nice lady, always keeps us prepped, focused, and ready to learn. You take care of her, and you're all right in the track team's book."

"Heh," Shinji shook his head, another oddity landing right at his feet. Was everyone here always so eager to be friendly? Was it really just social stasis that prevented someone else from asking Hikari? "I'll do my best, Morimoto-San. Even if she could do a lot better than someone like me." Standing upright, he felt his heart race a little as he watched Hikari confer with another young lady. "So much better than someone like me." Nodding as he parted ways with his partner, he hustled towards his girlfriend.

Hikari met him halfway to the bleachers, "How are you feeling? Do you want to jog around the track?" Her eyes were more brown than green today, the overcast weather keeping the ambient light low, "I don't want you to push yourself, but I don't want you to feel like I'm smothering you. I'm happy to just walk with you."

He looked at the inner loop, then thought back to his near falls at the lab. He was feeling better, he could try. "M-maybe later." He looked back towards Hikari, "Why don't you set the pace. Go as fast as you want, and I'll keep up with you. If it gets to be too much, I can start walking."

"Ok," she gave him a genuine smile, "if that's what you want."

The two were soon making good time around the outside of the track, Shinji ceding the inner lane to his shorter girlfriend. It felt good, both physically and mentally, even without any conversation. Hikari wasn't slacking off, but it was clear that she would never be a member of the lady's track and field team. Her eyes stayed focused on the lane ahead, obeying the rules even if no-one else would even consider taking the longer route they were.

His eyes, however, moved all around. Several students gathered in a loose clump in the center of the field engaged in stretches and other non-impact exercises, his group of 'helpers' waved or made other less wholesome efforts to draw his attention towards them. Waving timidly, he changed where he was looking to avoid staring. They had moved to the type of activity that put their rumps out for display, and he didn't want to give the appearance of perversion.

The next thing to catch his eye was a line of students engaged in a 'last-woman-up' race. The boys were running in formation, and it seemed the girls were given a multitude of options in lieu of a similar grouping. It was as good a time as any to see if he could find out more about where he had landed, "H-has this…always been how the class is run? I had, uhm, had heard that gym class was gender-assigned." He remembered a more segregated lesson plan, and mixing the students together that first day should have been a clue.

"Hmm?" Hikari blinked, looking around and slowing to not gasp for air as she spoke, "Yeah. Last year they changed from the gender-segregated lessons to a unified plan. Something about funding limitations, I think." She smiled, tired, "I'm glad though. I get to watch my boyfriend be all strong and poised first hand."

"Y-yeah," he blushed. "I'm not that strong."

"You can't fool me, Shinji," she bumped him lightly with her shoulder, "you aren't even sweating and I'm moving at my normal pace. I'm all sweaty and gross."

"You could never be gross," he answered quickly. "I-it's normal to sweat when you exercise."

They fell back into companionable silence as they made their way around the track. The oddity that was his hair became his focus as he felt the wind tug at it. None of the students had made a production out of the style, a few had even commented that it gave him that 'Pilot Look' they felt he should have. One young lady said it looked 'distinguished'. The weight, and thickness, were barely noticeable to him. If he wasn't reminded by it slapping his neck when he moved his head too fast, or when he went to scratch at the back of his head in one of the hundreds of tells he had, he'd have forgotten all about it.

The teacher's whistle brought him out of his introspection, class was over, and it was time for the cooldown. Looking to Hikari, he noticed that she was bracing her hands on her waist, breathing deeply and looking as if she'd gone far harder than she'd intended to. "Are…uhm, are you ok?"

"I'm great," she laughed, turning him around to undo the braid so that he could wash any potential sweat from his hair, "but I think tomorrow during gym you're running on your own. Sensei's not going to let you slack, looking as fresh as you do." A few additional deep breaths brought her down enough to smile genuinely, "My boyfriend, the hot-shot-rock-star-track-star-pilot-chef."

+++++ 3rd Angel + 6 : Thursday (7)

Shinji was one of the first in the showers, wanting to not have a repeat of the incident the other day. Nobody minded, thankfully, as he was also the first out of the shower. Walking to his locker with his towel around his waist, very uncomfortable with the idea of just strutting around nude as a jaybird, he listened to the banter flowing around the room. Some were bragging that they'd met a personal milestone in classes, others complained that they had cram school, many just talked in that semi-understandable between-friends language, references and notions that outsiders wouldn't be privy to.

As he stepped into his boxers, one of the students called over, "Hey Ikari-San, I know you just got back from the hospital, but a friend of mine wanted me to ask if one of you'd mind hosting a study session for her and her friends. Class Rep and you have the highest scores right now in Physics, and she's having a hard time of it. I'd help, but I'm useless at explaining things. If you're not feeling up to it, though, I'll try asking some other students, so no pressure."

"I'll, uhm, I'll talk to Hikari-San about it," he tugged on his undershirt, discovering yet again that wet hair got tangled in everything. _How do women deal with this all day?_ "I'm sure she's a better person to study with, by far."

"Yeah, I doubt his she's interested in Physics anyway," the boy's friend hooted. "She probably wants to study anatomy."

"Oi!" The first man turned and thumped the second, "Ikari-San is an honorable man, and he's taken." He rolled his eyes and turned back to Shinji, "If you don't mind, I could have her meet you over at the basketball courts, you and Class Rep could stop and talk it over with her?"

"S-sure," Shinji agreed quickly. Someone asking him for help? The thought that this was time travel lost nearly all its remaining cachet in that one thought. Sure, he was more extroverted this time around, but his 'extroversion' was still someone else's chronic introversion. Throwing on the last of his clothes, he moved out of the locker room to where he could be seen from the girl's locker room without giving anyone the thought that he was attempting to sneak peeks inside of it.

As he waited, his back to the expected path of arrival for his plus one, he watched the student body mill about on their way home for the day. Everything was…odd. Different. There was a feel when he thought back, after his first fight with the so-called 'Third' Angel, that everyone was waiting for the end. People had moved through the school with a palpable sense of dread, or anxiety. None of it was to be seen, now. While he had no basis of comparison to say that this looked like a normal high school, he couldn't state with any confidence that this was the school he had attended for nearly a year already either.

"Sorry to keep you waiting," Hikari's voice broke his reverie, "you'd think the women here had never seen a man with longer hair before. Everyone kept asking if I minded if they touched it," she rolled her eyes, "like I'm the one they need to ask for permission."

Moving alongside the freckle-faced beauty, Shinji tried to force a slouch and ran into that same physical pain. His words, therefore, did not match his actions, "That's a little more…close than I want people to be. I was stretching my confidence during lunch, and they weren't t-touching me."

An outsider watching Hikari walk with her boyfriend would see a woman possessed of poise and grace walking alongside a man prepared to bring violence and devastation to any that threatened her. Someone more familiar with Shinji would know it was the exact opposite, and that the thunderclouds on his face were reserved for himself. "I know," she soothed his arm, "which is why I said that I'm not the person they need to ask. You aren't my possession, you're not a toy for me to wave around," reaching into her cubby, she tapped the heels of her shoes against her palms, checking for tricks or pranks, "you're my boyfriend. A human being with autonomy and self-determination."

Shinji caught her motions, and frowned, "Do people prank you, Hikari?" For some reason the thought that someone might try to hurt her brought a flash of a dark, unfamiliar, emotion to the fore. He might not be confident in handling his own problems, but he was the one everyone looked to for defense, and if he couldn't defend his girlfriend, how could he defend everyone?

"Oh, no, not for years now. But, habits are habits." _And the jealous stares won't keep them content for long before idiots do what idiots do._ She waved off the topic, kicking on her shoes. "Kodama asked me to bring you home, do you need to do anything before we leave?"

"Uhm," guilt rose up inside of him, unbidden, "a guy in my class wants to know if you'd mind waiting at the basketball courts. His friend wanted to ask about a study group. Apparently, we have the highest grades in the class."

"We do," she shrugged, uncaring about something that trivial. "You're doing well on the pre-tests, and your homework has been perfect so far. Let's go see what they need," floating off, she looked back over her shoulder, "we are the Class Leaders. It's our job to help them at least find a good study group, if we can't help ourselves, even if they aren't in 3-A."

"O-oh…we are, aren't we?" Shinji blinked, the realization that he was officially her deputy slapping him along the back of his head. Obligation, duty, all of the responsibilities that he ascribed to someone like Misato, or his father, all played across his face.

"Silly Shinji," the way she said it lacked any of the vehemence, or venom, of Asuka's more direct jabs. It was a gentle tease, and it tickled instead of stung, "you knew the job was difficult when you asked for it. Now that I have you in my web, you'll never escape!" The way she swayed as she walked bespoke of her comfort in his presence, it was good to be the Queen.

The courts were empty as they arrived, the rack of basketballs left out for the practice session that would begin in another half hour after the team's meeting. On a whim, Shinji walked over and picked up one of the spheres. To him, the feel was nearly foreign. It was Toji that enjoyed the game, and those times that he and Kensuke waited for Toji to be done with practice so that they could go waste time at the arcade Shinji had never bothered with handling them. Hikari settled herself at the pole, smiling encouragement and giving consent for him to occupy his time.

Bouncing the ball experimentally, he tested the amount of force needed to bounce the ball from the floor back to his opposing hand. The memory of the occupational therapy tests flowed past, the look of amazement on Ritsuko's face as he crumpled a dense foam-rubber bar. He knew he was stronger, the heavy feeling of his body wasn't just his imagination, but between that series of tests and gym class, he was becoming concerned about how drastically things had changed. The ball moved from his hand to the ground, swiftly back up into his other hand. Back and forth, faster and faster, he scowled at the ease with which he managed the rhythm. His body was in motion before he asked it to be, as if it was instinct rather than intent. Catching the ball in both hands and shooting in a single, fluid, motion he blinked in confusion as the shot went off the center of the red box outlined on the backboard and into the hoop.

"Nice shot!" Hikari gathered the ball quickly and bounced it back over, "I didn't think you would have played basketball."

"I don't," he replied quietly. Dribbling the ball further back on an impulse, he once more lifted the ball and took a shot from behind the broad arc. Once more, dead center of the box, through the hoop, into Hikari's hands. "Uhm…two points?"

"Three," a new feminine voice added brightly. "Anything from behind the line here," she tapped her foot on the blue line, "is three points. Two is inside of it." She bowed in greeting, "Nice to meet you, Ikari-San. My name is Shinobu Maehara."

"Maehara-San," Hikari carried the ball with her, "are you having troubles in class?"

"I…well, yes," she blushed. "I would normally ask one of the residents at the inn I'm staying at, but there's been something of an…incident." She looked between Shinji and the Class Rep, "I won't bore you with the details, but I'm worried that if I don't improve my grades my mother will force me out of the inn. Middling grades are unacceptable, even in just one or two subjects."

"Your friends can't help?" Shinji twitched as he realized it sounded like he was saying 'no', "I'm not saying we won't, just…the request was you and your friends."

"Oh," she looked down to the ground, kicking her toes, "I…just didn't want to make it seem like I was asking…you know."

"We'd be happy to help," Hikari handed the ball over to Shinji and gestured towards the rack. "Why don't you put that away, and I'll trade phone numbers with Maehara-San. We'll arrange a time we can all get together, host it at my house."

Shinji nodded, taking his cue to leave the two alone for a moment. He took his time at the rack, rearranging the balls by the spectrum of faded coloration, then sending off a text message to Misato to let her know that he was going to be delayed as he was going to study at Hikari's house. He understood, innately, that this was a time for the women to speak in private. He would likely understand, even empathize, with the problems Maehara was facing, but he was a male, and that was that. A part of him was reminded of Rei, in looking at the young woman. If she was far paler, had red eyes…not present emotionally, the more he thought the more he realized the similarities ended at the hair color. Shinobu's blue was darker than Rei's, at that. _I guess I'm more worried than I thought._ Spying occasionally over to the two ladies, he was rewarded with a subtle gesture that he could return. When he reached the three-point line again, Shinobu bowed gratefully, "Thank you, Ikari-San, Horaki-San."

"J-just Shinji," he said with a weak grin. "Ikari-San makes me feel…wrong."

"And I'd be happy for you to call me Hikari," his girlfriend's smile was easy-going. "Once you know your schedule, text either of us. We'll walk you to the station after the study session, so make sure to talk it over with your kanrinin."

"I will," the young woman seemed far calmer than before. "And thank you again!" Waving one last time, she skipped off, seemingly far more relaxed.

Hikari took Shinji's satchel, holding both protectively before her as she turned to walk off, "So. Shinobu-San finally got him to notice her." Her gaze carried past the horizon, "She's been chasing after a man that's…a little older than her, if the rumors are to be believed."

"Oh?" Shinji turned and looked in the direction the young woman had departed towards, "How…how much older?"

"Six years or so," she shrugged. "She went on a date with him last week, apparently he was completely oblivious to her feelings. He thought they were just heading out on a friendly outing, she corrected his thoughts, he agreed to try, and everyone that knows the two of them fractured into two camps. Some think she's doing the right thing, is actually saving the man from a very abusive relationship with a 'friend' of his. Others, including the abusive part of the equation, think he's being something of a pervert." She noticed Shinji's twitch of fear, having expected it, "I think that people need to keep their noses out of other people's relationships, so long as no laws are being broken." She wouldn't draw attention to his problems, coddling him would only lengthen out his pain.

"W-well," he nodded slowly, "if they're happy, that's what matters, right?"

"Exactly. If she were a little younger, or if he was a little older, I'd be more worried. Even with the new laws, it's still a situation that could lead to abuse. But we'll be graduating at the end of the year, and from everything she said, the guy isn't rushing things at all." She paused at a red light, waiting for the walk signal, "She was worried you'd think she was just another girl trying to lasso you."

"I…well, I'm glad she's not," he admitted. "I'm happy to help, I really am…."

The light changed, and she set them in motion, "But you're not quite ready for any more partners." Spinning to walk backwards as they reached the other side of the street, she smiled in understanding, "I'm ok with that. There's absolutely no hurry, I don't feel 'incomplete' or anything silly like that. I'd rather we wait for the right person, the right situation, than risk ruining the wonderful thing we have."

"Th-thank you," he visibly relaxed. "I promise, I'll do my best to support what you want…just…."

"You need time, patience, and most importantly the confidence that I'm happy to be with you," she filled in the blank. "Like I said before, I'm perfectly happy to take on this work load. If we never find someone, oh well," she spun back around, lacing her arm through his now that the school was out of sight. "I'm confident I can live blissfully happy with the boyfriend I have. I'm just happy that I didn't do something stupid, ask Suzuhara if he wanted help studying." She leaned against him, "Would you mind meeting his sister?"

The sudden change of topics threw him off, "I…uhm…what?"

"Nozomi is good friends with Sakura-Chan, and Sakura-Chan heard from Nozomi that you felt guilty." She squeezed his arm tighter, "I think you have nothing to feel guilty about, but I understand that my perspective is from outside of your experiences. Anyways," she smiled up at him, "Sakura-Chan apparently wants to speak to you in person. She's not upset and wants you to forgive yourself. It'd mean a lot to Nozomi, too."

He never had gone to see the young girl the first time through. He needed to correct that, especially if he was going to try and repair the situation with Toji. "M-maybe at the end of the week?" If he pushed it off too long, he'd lose his nerve, he knew that. "We…we should bake her cookies. Or brownies? What…uh, what do little girls like?"

"They like little boys who grow up to be thoughtful men," she tugged his shirt, pulling him down into a kiss. "You're a wonderful person, Shinji Ikari. Thank you for letting me be a part of your life." Hikari led the rest of the way to the Horaki residence, entering with a bright call of, "I'm home!"

Shinji entered with a much more timid, "Sorry for bothering you." He caught motion to his left and turned towards it, bracing himself for the forthcoming impact.

Nozomi slid down the bannister from her perch upstairs, jumping off at the last second and tackling Shinji, "Nii-San! How was your day?"

Catching the human projectile, Shinji impressed himself by only slightly staggering and remaining upright as he held her on his hip, "It…uhm, it was good?"

Hikari laughed as she walked on, "He's thinking about doing it this weekend, Nozomi." Taking their bags to the kitchen to clean the boxes from their lunch, she left him to the tender mercies of the young spitfire.

Wrapping her arms around his shoulders, as best as she could do considering the size disparity, Nozomi smiled brightly, "That's good." Her face shifted to a more solemn mien, "Thank you for agreeing to see Sakura-Chan. I know that it's not going to be easy for you." Kissing his cheek, she slid down and took his hand, "Now, let's go get good seats on the couch." Shinji was amazed at both the lack of repulsion he felt at the contact and the open display of warmth from the little lady. When they reached the couch, she dropped him on the center cushion and flopped between his legs, leaning back and grabbing the remote. "So," she laid the back of her head against his chest and looked up, "American gameshow, or local history period drama?"

"Uhm…whichever?" She wasn't triggering any of his reflexes. He sat there, the cunning prankster looking at him like he was right where he should be, "I usually just watched the news. It's what M…my Sensei watched."

"Oh, boring," she gave him a commiserating smirk. "Let's watch some American gameshows then. We'll practice our English and make fun of the contestants." She flipped the channel to the UNFN broadcast, "This one's my favorite. They spin this wheel here," she gestured vaguely at the TV, "and that pointer lands on one of the numbers, or sometimes on one of the words. The words are kind of like bonuses or penalties, the numbers are American dollar values. If they aren't penalized, they guess one of the twenty-one non-vowel English letters. For each time that letter appears in the words on the wall there, they get that much money. If they can guess the words on the wall, they get the amount they've won added to their total. At the end, highest total goes to a bonus round, and the other two are taken out back and shot for being disgraces to their schools and families."

"That's not quite how it goes," Hikari giggled as she brought them each out a plate of snacks. She shared a smile with Shinji, thrilled that he was bonding with her family, "They're hung instead."

"Obviously," he laughed at the absurdly calm way she presented the joke. "Thank you for the food."

Kodama carried Hikari's plate in addition to her own, handing it off and gesturing to the screen, "Oh, the wealth wheel. I love word puzzles."

Hikari sat down on Shinji's right, "I'm never fast enough. Kodama always beats me."

Settling to his left, the eldest sister shrugged, "I had to take a bunch of English courses. Their idioms are strange, but pretty easy to remember."

"Is your father not here?" Shinji was glad the finger food wasn't anything fancy, he was having a difficult enough time being served without it being extravagant.

"Daddy had a call come in," Nozomi kicked her feet up on the table, settling back against Shinji's chest. "He's always on call, sometimes it's late, sometimes it's early. This one seemed different, but work is work, and it was time for work." Taking his plate, she balanced it on their right legs, "It's ok, though, Onii-San's making up for his not being here to be my pillow."

"Oh, oh!" Hikari bounced, pointing at the puzzle on the screen, "A stitch in time!" She clapped happily, "I won one!"

"Good job, sis," Kodama grinned.

The after-school break drifted on, nobody in any great rush to be finished. The puzzles on the screen were, as expected, mostly solved by either Kodama or Hikari, and Shinji felt a sense of calm pervade the house that seemed both alien and comforting. It was entirely foreign to his lived experience, it was nothing like his time with Misato, and certainly not like the shared time with Asuka and Misato. Asuka had dominated the television if Misato hadn't, and everything they had wanted to watch was either boring or pointless. The group nature of what Nozomi put on was clearly intentional, the sisters wanting to spend time together, to bond over a pleasant experience.

At the end, of the two female and one male contestant, it was one of the two women that succeeded, leading to the young girl sighing, "Drat, I was hoping the guy would make it. He mentioned something about horses, those poor ponies won't ever see him again."

Kodama stood, "You're being silly. They'll see him when they feed his remains to them." Stretching, she gathered up everyone's plates and handed them to Nozomi.

"Horses _are_ omnivores," Hikari nodded. "But the guy looked a little fat. Wouldn't be healthy." She looked to her younger sister, "Mind if I help you with dishes? We'll be done faster and can finish our homework earlier."

"Sure!" Spinning around, she hugged Shinji, "Thanks for the pillow, Onii-San."

He felt Kodama stand behind him, toying with his hair she called out, "Hey sis, once you're done, let's braid his hair some. While you work on homework, of course." Dropping her voice, she turned back to the owner of the hair in question, "See how it looks with a few of the more 'manly' styles. Would that be ok, Shinji?" She shifted around the couch to sit before him on the table, "I know you just put a lot of effort into letting Nozomi sit on your lap, and I don't want you to feel stressed."

He smiled slowly, "It was nice. Having a little sister for a bit." His decision to see Sakura took on a new meaning, beyond just seeing for himself the cost of his victory, he wanted to be the kind of man that the youngest Horaki seemed to believe him to be. She looked at him, and everyone else around her, and saw the truth of their character so easily.

Kodama laughed happily, kneeling on either side of his legs, wrapping her arms around his shoulders, and laying her cheek against his, "I'm glad you feel that way." Resting back on his knees, she let her hands linger on his chest, "Can we try a few braids?"

"S-sure," he nodded, swallowing at the proximity of what he had suddenly realized was a powerfully attractive, three year older version of his girlfriend. "Th-thank you f-for, uhm, for braiding my hair. The other students said it, uhm, it gave me a very 'pilot' look."

"You give you a very pilot look, Shinji," he couldn't get a read on the way she seemed to consider him. Her eyes travelled around his features, "It does look good hanging loose, though. If it weren't so hot out, I'd be tempted to argue for you letting it simply be free."

"Kodama," Hikari's voice sounded from the adjoining space between the kitchen and sitting room, "why are you sitting on Shinji?" Her eyebrow was cocked, her arms crossed, "You're going to get him all wound up when he needs to be calm to study properly."

"I _am_ calming him down," the nurse crossed her own arms, mocking her sister's stern posture, "there's entire bodies of literature on people with his specific set of conditions. A solid weight on his legs, to stop them from feeling like they need to be in motion all the time, is soothing to well over ninety percent of patients with similar comorbidities. Besides," a vulpine grin grew slowly, "he likes having me on his lap. We're partners, after all."

Nozomi, perhaps intentionally, defused the situation by calling out, "Daddy's home! He's bringing Uncle Kozo too!" Hustling into the room with her backpack and her declared older brother's satchel, she tossed the latter at Shinji, "Quick, look busy! The boss is coming!"

As Shinji caught the package with a single hand, he was so focused on not allowing it to strike Kodama that he missed Hikari mouth the words 'Get off' to her sister, and Kodama's follow-up suggestive eyebrow waggle as she lifted her hips up and shifted to sit against the arm of the couch with her legs across Shinji's lap, her dress slumping down to show an aggressive amount of leg. "Sh-should we have been studying the entire time?" He didn't want to get anyone in trouble, "I don't want to interrupt your time with your uncle."

"The little imp is just making mischief again, Shinji," Kodama stuck her tongue out playfully at her youngest sister. "And you're here because you're supposed to be here. It's where your Sub-Commander asked us to keep you."

Shinji goggled, "Sub-Commander? Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki?"

"Yep," Nozomi dropped on the far side of the table from Shinji. She looked up at him earnestly, tilting her head towards the door, "But, honestly, your boss is coming. Might want to look busy."

Hikari dropped into place on Shinji's right side, swatting Kodama's legs off his lap, "Let's wait and see what Daddy has to say, first." She smiled reassuringly to her boyfriend, who had reflexively kept his eyes on her instead of what she was doing, "It would be very difficult for us to be in trouble for doing what we always do after school, Shinji."

"I am home," Toshiro's powerful voice carried throughout the house.

"Please forgive the intrusion," Kozo's distinct tenor followed. Catching sight of Shinji, the old professor waved at him to remain seated, "We'll speak in a little while, Pilot. I need to see to business with Horaki-San first, and you all look to be gainfully employed in your scholastic pursuits." At Toshiro's offer both men proceeded through the back half of the sitting room, then the dining room, and into the back yard.

Nozomi spoke into the sudden silence, "What's the circumference of the Moon?"

"A little over ten thousand nine hundred kilometers at the equator," Shinji answered absently. Having forgotten his conversation with Misato, he was trying to rationalize the presence of his father's right hand in the Horaki's home. He looked between Kodama and Nozomi, "I thought you said your Uncle was visiting?"

"And he is," Kodama shrugged. "Uncle Kozo, he's been part of the family for…well, for as long as I can remember. They've never quite admitted how they met, and Daddy's made it fairly clear that the topic is off-limits." Tapping his chin, she grinned, "Study, Shinji. Daddy will tell us when Daddy is ready to tell us. While you study, I'll find different ways to make your hair stay off your back."

Nozomi slid another question into the pause, "What's the distance between the Earth and the Moon?"

Blinking, Shinji realized he knew the answer off the top of his head, "Apogee or Perigee?"

"It doesn't specify, if that's what you're asking," she shrugged.

"Go with the average then, around three hundred and eighty-four thousand, four hundred kilometers." His face screwed up in confusion, "How do I know that?"

The young girl's eyes glittered, "What's the surface gravity?"

"Around point one six 'g', sixteen point six percent of Earth's."

Hikari cut in before her younger sister could, "Nozomi, you need to actually look these things up. Shinji may be correct, but you need to develop good study habits. Shinji," she drew his eyes to her, "have you never studied the moon? I'll admit I couldn't state those facts from memory, but I have had to give reports on it in the past. Maybe you just forgot you knew?"

"N-no," he struggled through as much of his studies as he could recall, "Sensei never covered it." Nor had his time in class the first go around. "Why would I…." As he thought upon the giant rock, its path across the sky, he began to tremble slightly. There was something very wrong about it, something he couldn't begin to describe in words. The seeds. He was fighting the gardeners. There was life, there. _Don't fight the changes, it will only bring you more pain._ "Don't…don't fight…." He startled as Hikari gently gripped his forearm, "S-sorry!"

"Shhh," he could see the worry in the way her jaw was set, "you had another incident."

The room was empty, save for he and Hikari. "I-I…wh-what happened?" It couldn't have been more than a few seconds that the images…the voice…. "I'm…I'm sorry," he stood, certain that he had just embarrassed himself and her, "I'll g-go. T-tell the S-Sub-Commander-"

"Pilot Ikari, take your seat," Kozo's commanding voice cut through his stammering, prompting an immediate response as Shinji's legs went out from under him and he sat back down. The old professor slowly crossed to the nearby lounge seat, seating himself and calmly taking stock of Shinji's temperament, "I'm glad I saw this," he stated at long last. "Hikari-Chan, does he have these fugues in class?"

"No," the young woman kept her hand on Shinji's arm, gently soothing him as best she could. "He's always very attentive, well, except today but I feel that was to be expected after the other day."

"Just so," he nodded. "Now…may I call you Shinji?" He gestured openly with his hand, "I would really rather this be a conversation between us as compatriots, rather than as coworkers."

"Yes, sir," Shinji nodded slowly. "Y-you can call me what you like." This was the right hand of his father. The man Gendo trusted to be where he couldn't be. What was he doing here?

"I see," the Sub-Commander hefted a sigh. "Would it help you if I said that I was a rather vociferous opponent of your father's actions fourteen-some-odd years ago?" He smirked, a paternal gesture, "I was nearly sacked for being quite as adamant as I was. Perhaps if I had been less strenuous then, I could have applied more pressure upon your return to place you somewhere more fitting than with Captain Katsuragi."

"I…uhm, e-excuse me," Shinji couldn't believe that Kozo knew the Horaki family, but even worse was the fact that Misato had been reprimanded. "I-it's my fault what happened," he began, "I…uhm…Misato asked me t-to-"

"She asked you to stay in the apartment," Kozo stated evenly. "A sensible, if overcautious, request. She did not tell you that you could have no guests, nor would she have been justified in doing so." The old man went into professorial mode, "Since you moved into her apartment, about a week ago, you have been the primary source of sanitation, nutrition, and pet care for her dwelling. We had, previously, received reports that she was living in conditions that could, charitably, be called environmentally hazardous. Despite our lack of rigid adherence to military structure, we _are_ a military organization. We expect our membership to maintain their domiciles in a manner that prevents health issues from arising." He looked to Hikari, "Your Class Representative assisted you in bringing the apartment up to a livable standard. But that does not remove the fact that when she petitioned to take over your guardianship, Captain Katsuragi did not have a fitting place for our most important employee."

Shinji wanted to contest it, wanted to protect Misato, but he couldn't disagree with the facts. Misato's apartment had been a pigsty, it wasn't healthy, and if it weren't for him being there it would probably return to that state.

Hikari squeezed his arm again, drawing his eyes towards her, "It's ok, Shinji. Uncle Kozo is here to help." Pulling the hairband Kodama had intended to use out, she tied his hair back and smoothed it out, "We're all here to help."

"As you say." The professor gave Shinji an understanding nod, "Pilot Ikari, that you have endured the treatment you have, both in Nagano and here in Tokyo-3, with composure and dignity is a credit to your mother." Nodding when Shinji's head shifted towards him, he smiled, "Believe it or not, young man, I did actually change more than one of your diapers."

Nozomi giggled from the door to the kitchen, a tray full of drinks in her hands, "Oji-san's not that old."

"Oh if only," he sighed dramatically, offering a grin to the youngest Horaki. A hint of sadness crossed his eyes as he turned to face Shinji once more, "Yui Ikari was my student. She was a dear friend as well. It was through her that I met Toshiro-San." He gestured to the woman at Shinji's side, "For a time, you actually knew Hikari-Chan and Kodama-Chan," his hand shifted to indicate the eldest Horaki sister who was entering behind Nozomi, "though you were far too young to remember. Which is why I feel comfortable speaking to you in this setting. I have reviewed your records more thoroughly, and I find myself displeased with the disparity between the official records of your time in Nagano and the witness reports I received. Your…caretaker, he ignored you." Kodama began to serve out the drinks, letting Nozomi scramble back up into Shinji's lap where the young woman felt she was best positioned to help keep him calm, "He forced you to cook, clean, and perform maintenance on the house and grounds, from nearly the first moments you arrived. Unwilling to entertain the notion of allowing you time to acclimate to your surroundings, to seek out friends or companions, he forced you to study the Cello. It is then no shock to me that when you arrive here in Tokyo-3, you instantly assumed that your living situation would be just a continuation of that…unacceptable disgrace."

"I…it…." It wasn't what they wanted? Shinji's eyes widened as he thought past the anger he had felt at his father's actions during the 13th Angel, did the man not actually intend for him to…it had to be a lie, "I'm sorry, Sub-Commander, but…h-how could you not have known? How could _he_ not have known? I…I wrote letters! I learned how to write early on, and the first thing I did was send him letters to ask him why he…why…."

"That…may I call you by name, Pilot?" He received a terse nod, and returned the gesture more fluidly, "Thank you. Shinji-Kun, that is a tale that is far longer and stranger than I could ever hope to do justice. The Commander is, without exception, the sole reason you have the means to save all of us. His drive, lo these past long years, has been to see to the defense of mankind. He will never be the father you deserve, and he will never act as anything but the Commander of NERV, but you must trust me when I say that he did not intend for you to live the life you have led. I am not here to apologize for him," he laughed quietly, "because even I don't believe he deserves your forgiveness. I am here to assure you that NERV does not wish for you to suffer in silence."

"But…then…." He looked down, accepting the cup from Kodama through Nozomi. This couldn't be true. Or…maybe it wasn't time travel after all. Maybe this was all a dream. They had to have known, the first time through, what Misato was like. What he was suffering through with Asuka. All of this, it couldn't just be the result of a few simple changes. Since Kozo seemed content to let Shinji process the information he had just dumped in his lap, everyone turned to the refreshments provided. Small chatter was passed around, the sisters all seeming content, despite the strangeness that had been brought to their home. Whenever Shinji was included in the gentle-natured ribbing, the person speaking would look at him with a kindness that almost unsettled him. Nozomi floating from person to person, small touches and smiles. Kodama making sure others had something to drink at all times, keeping an eye on the mood to help everyone relax. Was this normal? Was this what families were supposed to be like?

Finishing his drink, his stomach rumbled, "S-sorry," he blushed. "I…uhm…."

"You've grown," Kodama shrugged with an easy grin. "Soon you're going to be eating like Daddy does, and you'll be grateful you're earning a paycheck. It takes a lot of food to fuel someone as strong as you are, Shinji-Kun." She slid a small plate with a selection of fruits over to him, "Eat. As a nurse-in-training, that's my medical advice. And as someone who cares, that's my order."

"Th-thank you," he murmured, unable to sort through his emotions.

Kozo gave him a calm look, "Are you feeling a little steadier? There's more we need to discuss, but only if you're ready for it." The elder statesman had a presence that bespoke of a near-infinite amount of patience. It was disarming, and Shinji found himself wanting to believe that the man was telling the truth.

"If you knew," Shinji started slowly, "if you know what happened…." He shook his head, his hair ending up in front of his shoulder, "Then you know I should have spoken up. I should have told Misato that I didn't…didn't belong in the spare room. I didn't say anything, I helped the situation…go wrong."

Hikari gently moved his hair back behind him, away from the plate, "You aren't the person most responsible, Shinji. I apologized because I knew better than to accept the explanations, Kodama saw the exact same problems and acted. When you can't get out what happened in the past because your mind blocks the words, what conceivable way would you have to ask for help?"

"And the Captain's tacit acceptance of your emotional self-flagellation, combined with her lackadaisical attitude towards her duties as your guardian, brings us here." Kozo leaned back, settling his posture so that he didn't appear as strict, "I commend your defense of your commanding officer, Shinji-Kun. Your loyalty is a trait I wish I could replicate throughout NERV. But the decision has been made that you cannot stay in the environment you have been placed in."

"What?!" Shinji blinked, stunned, "I-if I m-move out then w-what will happen…." Misato needed him, she-

"You are not responsible for her safety or livelihood, Shinji-Kun," Toshiro read his target perfectly. For as large as the man was, he moved with the silence of the grave when he wanted to. He had, during the conversation, taken a position up by the kitchen, observing and weighing how Shinji acted. Nothing he saw caused him even the slightest hesitation in accepting the proposition his old friend had brought before him, "You are, at least in my eyes, an adult. You bear all the responsibilities of one, and you carry yourself with the dignity and honor of a man thrice your age. If she cannot take care of herself, what right has she to declare herself your caretaker?"

She was the woman who offered him a home. _A home she brought Asuka into, a home she allowed to turn into a hell._ She was the woman who pushed him to make friends. _Friends that tried to push him into giving information about Evas, or that asked him to take pictures of the women he lived with._ Each facet of Misato that he offered in defense of the woman was quickly and ruthlessly countered by a dim voice he didn't recognize in the back of his head that refused to accept a return to the status quo. _Don't fight the changes, it will only bring you more pain._

Kozo watched the emotions roll across Shinji's face for a time, shaking his head as he remembered Yui looking exactly the same any time there was a serious decision to be made. He may have once looked like a smaller Gendo, a bit about the eyes perhaps, but there was no mistaking who the young man truly took after. "This decision was made with your best interests in mind, Shinji-Kun. You had been made to live in a sty, in a closet, as a live-in servant. The home we have chosen for you, instead, offers you an actual room to call your own. Offers help with the chores, instead of a tacit expectation of servitude." His eyes brightened as he watched the Third Child frown in confusion, "And, I would hope, the chance to improve your health and wellbeing."

"Where…uhm, where are you moving me?" He wasn't sanguine about this, but a part of him wanted freedom. Wanted more days like this one, with family and warmth. _Was this one of the changes I shouldn't fight?_ Would contesting this bring pain? _But wasn't an unwillingness to face pain part of the reason everything went wrong before?_

"Welcome home," Toshiro uttered, his voice far warmer than Shinji had previously known it to be. "So long as you're willing to help with keeping the house clean, help your housemates study, and continue to work hard to defend our home, that is."

Kodama slipped back next to Shinji, smiling comfortingly with hope shining from her eyes, "It will be rough, I know. You'll need time to adjust to living with so many people, and you'll give up some privacy just by virtue of proximity. But think of what you'd gain, Shinji. A little sister," she nodded towards Nozomi, "a man that you can learn how to be a man from," Toshiro, "and two women near your age that want nothing more than to help you move towards being healthy and happy."

"B-but," he looked over to Hikari, then to Kozo, "I'm…."

"With the blessing of NERV," Kozo nodded. "Hikari-Chan is the kind of girl your mother would have loved you to court, Shinji-Kun. I'm positive you'll run into problems, all couples do, but the family we are placing you with has shown me nothing in the more than two decades I've known them that would indicate any problems. If the two of you don't work out romantically, could you honestly say that you'd not want to remain her friend?"

"I know I would," Hikari offered reassuringly. "You're a good man, Shinji. If we just can't be compatible for life, we can at least be there for each other in life." Laying her hand on his knee, she let her serious nature show, "I'm not saying that I want us to stop dating because you're living with us. I'm saying that us living together is for your benefit, not ours."

"The other options," Toshiro rumbled, "are far less acceptable. Doctor Akagi is a decent woman, but her apartment is far too small for two adults. Miss Ibuki would have room, but she is hardly a handful of years your elder, the situation would be…troublesome. Captain Katsuragi has already demonstrated her potential, and I will not condone you walking that path. I would not offer you shelter, Shinji Ikari, if I did not think you the kind of man worthy of my children. You will protect them, because it is what you alone can do. You will help them, because your honor will not allow you to do anything else." A small grin curled his lips, "And you will provide for them, because you have more than you need, and would not see them want for anything. Join us," he tilted his head, "learn and grow with us."

Shinji looked to each of the Horaki family members, attempting to gauge their feelings as best he could. Nozomi was barely restraining herself, her heart was exposed and beat strongly to add an older brother to her life. Toshiro was, for once, an open book. It was obvious that the big man desired Shinji's acquiescence, the opportunity to right a wrong that he saw, even if it wasn't one of the patriarch's making or responsibility. Kodama sat holding his hand in both of her own, hope and kindness radiating from her as she silently urged him to let them in. And lastly, though certainly not least, Hikari laid everything onto his side of the court. She trusted him to make the right decision for him, and trusted that whatever decision he would make she would support him. As his Class Rep, as his best friend, and as his girlfriend.

He couldn't accept such one-sided gratitude. It wasn't in him to allow others to suffer so that he didn't have to suffer, it was a part of him that he would never, could never, let go of. "If I live here," he started slowly, "I want part of my pay to be diverted to cover the costs. Maintenance, upkeep, bills." Kozo nodded along as he spoke, "The Horakis already have to stretch things out, I won't be a party to making their lives harder." It hurt to put a qualifier on the offer, because there was every chance NERV could simply say 'No'. He wanted to live here. To have mornings with a family that cared, afternoons where he sat with an imp in his lap watching shows together. To be a part of a whole.

"I can't divert your pay," Kozo held up his hand for patience, "however the stipend that Captain Katsuragi received will be transferred to an account that both you and Toshiro-San will have access to. Additionally," his face grew rueful, "there is going to be something of a…compensation fund. You've been an employee of NERV since the beginning of the Evangelion Project, whether or not you've known it. The misuse of that fund by the person assigned to care for you in Nagano has created a situation where public knowledge of those events would be damaging." He leaned forward, "If you agree to cooperate with NERV going forward, and to keep details of your history out of the public sphere, we are prepared to cover certain costs that the Horaki family would incur."

"Horaki-San," Shinji looked to the giant patriarch, "if I live here…I want to help as much as I can. If you need something, anything, I can't accept you not coming and talking to me." He felt Kodama's hands clutch his tightly, Hikari's grip on his knee stayed firm, "I know I'm not an adult, but if I have the ability to do something to help your daughters, or you, I'll do it." His reward was a single, firm, nod. "So, then…I guess…I'm home?"

Nozomi rocketed into his gut, hugging him and laughing, "Welcome home, nii-san!" Her legs flailed happily as he gently stopped her from sliding off and potentially hurting herself. His efforts, however, were stymied by the two women to his sides joining the hug-frenzy, laughing and carrying on as their hopes were fulfilled.

Toshiro and Kozo moved away, allowing the 'children' their chance at celebration. "I would appreciate it, Toshiro, if you did not tell him just how much we found in Nagano. He doesn't need to know how much we know. Not now." The old professor's face grew solemn, "This will not be easy, old friend. You know as well as I do what his father is capable of, and this could all backfire if his madness subsumes him."

"The Shirakami protect our own. By accepting my shelter, he has accepted my protection. If Gendo Ikari decides to cause troubles, he will not enjoy the response he provokes." Toshiro gripped Kozo's shoulder, "You have done a good thing here, today. Started down the long path of redemption. Do not lose hope, as you have friends of your own. Now," he raised an eyebrow in curiosity, "let us discuss what your Engineers will produce."


	9. Chapter 9

+++++ 3rd Angel + 7 : Friday (8)

Shinji awoke early, as was his habit, hurrying quietly into the bathroom and cleaning himself as best he could. Akane had managed to bring everything over in one trip, a single small bag and his cello, though the look in her eyes was equal parts anger and sadness as she became aware that he had no other possessions, in storage or transit. He knew that most youths would have gathered more belongings throughout their lives, but to him the lack of physical items simply made it easier for him to uproot and move. He couldn't go back to Misato's apartment, it was made very clear through subtle remarks and looks that nearly everyone would consider that a betrayal. If he caused problems here, somehow, he would simply pack his single bag, pick up his cello case, and seek somewhere else to live. It wasn't comforting, but it was life.

Finished in the bathroom, he padded silently down to the kitchen to begin making meals. A quick search of the room showed him everything he needed, as well as the beginnings of a list of items to purchase. As he began preparing fish, he thought of Pen-Pen, and felt another twinge of sadness. His feelings…for? Of? On? How he felt about Misato was complicated. She wasn't a bad person, he knew that. She…also wasn't a good person. Moving Asuka in was necessary, if the Seventh Angel had become a regular issue the coordination training would have been imperative.

His hand slowed as he realized that the Seventh Angel was going to happen again. _I'll have to worry about that later,_ he sighed mentally. _If I start fighting the Angels before I've taken care of the Angels before them I'm just going to lose my mind._ Putting more vigor into his actions, he chased away the problems he knew were coming so that he could assess the problems that were already here. If moving Asuka in was necessary, as he knew it was, then it was Misato's job to make sure that they could live together as peacefully as possible. Instead of stepping in when Asuka dumped everything on his lap, much like Misato dumped everything in his lap…. He patted both of his cheeks, "Stop it!" His voice carried no further than the door of the kitchen, "It's over. It's complicated, but it's in the past. Focus on the now. Focus on what you can do to make the now better for everyone."

"Solid advice," Kodama's voice startled him, and only his newly increased reflexes managed to save a disaster from happening with the pots he worked on. "Sorry," she slid over and helped him move everything back into place, "I thought you would have heard me approach." Once more dressed in a loose tank-top and boxers, the elder sister of the household lifted onto her toes and pressed a kiss to his cheek, "It was my morning to make everyone breakfast. We forgot to let you know, sorry."

He couldn't prevent the blush at her casual manner, nor the warm feeling of contentment at someone being happy to see him. "I'd…rather do as much of the cooking as possible," he found his stammer was dying down, thankfully. The sudden changes, while overwhelming, were becoming background noise. The sense of calm pervading the house was a welcome panacea, and he soaked up as much of it as he could. "It's not that your cooking is bad, just…I want to do what I can to help."

"Shinji," Kodama smiled playfully, "normally when a woman makes you sleep on her couch, she's supposed to make you breakfast to ease the sense of rejection." Her eyes firmed, " _Was_ the couch ok?" She moved her hands along his spine, feeling the muscles, testing for any tightness that would indicate a painful day ahead. "They'll have the addition built by the middle of the day, so you'll have your room by the time you get home from class, if not then by dinner at least."

"It's fine," he nodded absently, turning back to the meal. "I've slept in much worse places, on much worse surfaces." The memory of sleeping in the field with Kensuke, the hard ground, the tall grass, bugs and fog and odd smells, "Much worse."

"Hey," he felt her arms wrap around his torso, "focus. You're here now," the embrace was…confusing, "you're with us, now."

"Y-yeah," the stammer was dying, not dead, "Kodama-S…Kodama, are you sure that I should be living here?" He turned slightly, lifting his arm to avoid accidentally striking the woman holding him, "You know…in the same house with my girlfriend?"

"Why would that matter?" She kept her hands on his hips, an easy smile gracing her lips, "Shinji, you were living with Katsuragi-San. An unattached, breathtakingly attractive, woman. I know for a fact that you didn't put the moves on her," her finger landed on his lips, "despite it being perfectly normal to contemplate. If that woman doesn't have a few dreams about having a good time with the one that got away, I'll eat the stove."

When the digit fell away, Shinji shook his head, "I don't think she thought of me like that. She can easily do better."

It was Kodama's turn to turn away, "I would disagree. I wouldn't let anyone live here with Nozomi that I didn't think met the criteria of 'better' than Katsuragi-San could do." Her voice conveyed the anger and distaste for what had happened, "Once I get home from classes, we're going to go shopping, so keep your after-school schedule free. Morning, sis." The university student walked out of the kitchen, waving a brisk greeting to Hikari.

His girlfriend paused only momentarily to ponder what had bothered her sister before flowing into the kitchen. Dressed in a thin set of flannel pajamas, she hugged Shinji in greeting, "You know you don't have to cook every day now, right?"

"Kodama said something similar," Shinji shrugged, stepping free of the hug to resume his duties at the stove. "I'd really rather do as much cooking as I can, it's something I know how to do, and it will help me know that I'm giving healthy meals to the family that's giving so much to me." He smiled in anticipation of many more chances to bring happiness, to receive happiness in return.

"We'll talk about it later today," she rubbed her hand along his back, "I'm sure we can all work out an equitable distribution of chores."

"All right," he nodded. If he didn't think they were letting him do his part, he could always just get into the kitchen before them. Underhanded? Sure, but it was underhanded for a good cause.

The household moved in a rehearsed manner, each of the three sisters appearing in a ready-for-the-day state in reverse chronological order. Nozomi happily tore into the breakfast Shinji provided, chattering about how awesome it was going to be to have a new sibling around the house. Once he had her lunch properly packed, she took it from him and waved him down to her level. As soon as he had squatted on his haunches, she wrapped her tiny arms around his neck and whispered, "Thank you onii-san. You have a good day at school, and don't let those two bully you into anything, ok?" With a soft kiss to his forehead and a happy wave, she skipped through the door and left towards her day at a run.

Hikari was the next one to breakfast, taking slightly longer while Shinji worked with Nozomi. Once the youth was on her way, she walked past her boyfriend to take the two lunches intended for them, "Thank you, Shinji."

He blinked, "What for?"

"For treating Nozomi well," she answered with a chaste kiss. "She's always been the most physically demonstrative, and I know you have problems with touch."

"She doesn't trigger them," he said, half in wonder, half happily. "I think it might be because her intentions are so obvious."

Kodama appeared in the kitchen with the morning's plates, "Make everyone happy? Even if it means tormenting them to do so?" Setting her burden in the sink, she hopped up on her toes and pressed her lips to Shinji's, "Take it easy today, ok?" The nurse dropped back down to her heels and met his gaze with a serious demeanor, "You've had a lot of stuff thrown at you, and you have a lot of things rolling around in your head about the past. Keep your mind on the present, and if you have problems talk to Hikari. She knows how to get a hold of me."

"I do know how to take care of my class, Kodama," Hikari replied testily. "Even though he is _my_ boyfriend, he's still one of my charges." Tugging Shinji away from her sister, the freckle-faced beauty pushed his bag into his hands and urged him towards the door, "Let's get going, we don't want to be late."

"Thanks for lunch, Shinji," Kodama called warmly after him. "See you after class."

Aborting his response as Hikari pulled the door firmly shut, Shinji tilted his head in concern, "Are you ok?"

"I'm fine," her words were gentle, though her right eye twitched angrily. Turning towards the path to class, she changed the topic abruptly, "What do you think we should do for dinner?"

Shinji's reply was, once more, cut off as his phone chirped at him. Pulling out the electronic leash, he blinked, "I'm being called in." As he spoke, one of the black sedans favored by Section Two pulled up, displaying the Agents that had helped him after he cut his foot, "I…guess I'm missing class today."

"Just the first half hopefully," Akane leaned out the window, "Commander called a surprise drill. Might be able to get you back to class after lunch. Sorry Hikari-Chan, duty calls."

Shinji turned to say goodbye and was met with a crushing hug then pulled into a surprisingly firm kiss. "I'll take notes," the anger in Hikari's eyes had vanished. "We'll study later tonight, ok?"

"Y-yeah," he hadn't quite expected the vehemence from the kiss. The feeling was intoxicating, "I'll…uhm, I'll miss you."

"You're just missing school," she blushed. "I'll be there when you get back. Now go, don't want to get you in trouble."

Slipping into the car, Shinji tried to bring his heartrate back down. _I could get used to being kissed like that,_ he thought. There was something indescribable about it, a passion that just…was. The world slipped past him, his worries reduced to a dull ache in the back of his mind. He hadn't intended any of this, hadn't wanted to upend the established order, but he couldn't deny that there were…benefits…to the way that things were turning out. It would be awkward living under the same roof as Hikari, awkward in a way that it just couldn't have been with Asuka or Misato.

He couldn't lie to himself and say that those two women weren't physically appealing, as lifeless of a description of the real facts of the matter as it was. Asuka was a bundle of confusing signals and maturity levels. Misato was surely every man's dream physically, though far too few would truly appreciate the brilliant mind and steely determination behind the façade of cheerful ditziness. His assessments of her from earlier came to mind, and he amended several judgments as they did. She tried, rather hard, to include him in her life. But she couldn't ultimately do it. For whatever reason, she kept him at arm's distance despite desperately clinging to him. It was different with Hikari, and Kodama. And, after a fashion, Nozomi. Nozomi held him close and squeezed her feelings into him, she sensed his pain and poured her sunshine into his spirit to chase it away. Kodama held him close to keep him steady, to help him find his footing. Even if her touch was confusing, it was confusing because he had never experienced similar before. Hikari…when she held him it was like she sucked away all of the bad things in the world. He could feel his mind quieting, replaced with her light, and her light alone.

He hadn't been able to find his place in Misato's world. Maybe it was time for him to look somewhere else, find the place that he did fit. _It'll hurt,_ he smiled at the memory of Hikari's words, _but I will wish her well. And I do hope she'll find happiness._ He'd have to try and do what he could for her. Whether or not this was 'his' Misato, the world he had traveled from may only exist in his mind now, it was still Misato. Vivacious, hard-working, hard-playing, Misato.

"You all right back there," Akane called back, "you look like you're thinking of something serious."

"He's getting ready to climb into a hundred-meter-tall Lovecraftian Death God, Akane-Chan," Mikoto snorted. "Even if its just for practice, I don't think now's the time for him to be all poetically weepy. He got a good kiss from his gal to start the day, he's getting his game face on. Leave him be."

"I should thank you," Shinji spoke into the pause, "both of you. Walking to NERV with my foot bleeding might have been more than I wanted to handle, and I think one or both of you took Hikari home when everything went wrong. You were there to take care of my responsibility when I couldn't be, so…thank you."

"Responsibility," Akane chuckled. "I told Toshi-Kun he'd like him."

"Don't belittle it," Mikoto chided. "How many his age would understand the real meaning of that word, eh? You're welcome, Shinji-Kun. You fight your part of the war, and even if we can't protect you, we'll keep your gal safe, yeah?"

"I'll fight," he looked back out through the window. To protect the three sisters that had suddenly made it their life's goal to see him out of the darkness…. "I won't run away from this." _Never again._

+++++ 3rd Angel + 7 : Friday (8)

"Sempai," Maya held up the plugsuit that had been rapidly assembled for the young man approaching them as they spoke, "this is…kind of lewd, don't you think?"

"It's a compromise," Ritsuko batted away the complaint. "He made some very valid points about having to test nude. So, when I was making alterations to the size I decided to take the opportunity to meet him half way."

"You're going to be able to see…a lot of him," the idea brought a blush to her cheeks. She wasn't typically into the male half of the population, not since a series of disastrous dates during her time at NERV's sponsored university, but there was just something about how Shinji comported himself that made her…. "Are you sure this won't poorly impact his synch rate? If he's distracted by embarrassment…."

"Then we'll have learned something important," Ritsuko took the suit away from her kohai. Glancing towards the door, the bottle-blonde leaned in, "Or were you just joking the other day when you wondered if he'd share? Maybe you'd like to see how serious Hikari-Chan was when she said she was looking for company for the two of them?"

"S-Sempai," Maya retreated slowly, looking for a distraction, or a hole to climb into and disappear, "I'm…going…I'llbeonthebridge!" She reached the door to the lab, having abandoned decorum, and would have made good her escape if Shinji hadn't been walking in just as she was exiting.

To Shinji, the impact from the slight frame of Lieutenant Ibuki was only cause for concern in that he might have harmed her. Like a teacup poodle launching an assault on a battleship in motion, her course and direction were altered violently while he had to purposely choose to reach for and stop her from coming to harm. Without conscious limitations on his actions, Shinji was able to grasp her forearm and spin her back towards him in a manner befitting a ballroom dancer, "Maya-San, are you ok?" He held her close, wanting to be sure that she had her feet under her before he let her go, "I'm sorry, I didn't see you when I walked in, are you ok?"

She was being held by a man. A tall, gentle, kind, pretty…. Her mind found traction with the world around her once more, and she realized where she was, what she had been doing, and who it was that was holding her as if she were the only person in the world. With a squeal of embarrassed confusion, Maya Ibuki once more punted modest propriety into the distance and fled the room.

Shinji blinked, his face screwed in confusion as he faced her direction of travel, "I…I'm sorry?"

"Don't worry about the loon, Shinji," Ritsuko clapped her hands to draw his attention towards her. "We have Science to be about. Catch," she tossed him his plugsuit. "Different design; should fit you well." Taking his upper arm, turning him towards the locker room, "Something of a compromise, by way of apology for…well," she came to a halt, enjoying the feel of his muscled arm under her hand. "I am sorry, Shinji. I haven't had a chance to speak to you, just the two of us, and I should have come to you sooner. Your life has already been upended by NERV, and an error in my Division caused…changes." She had to tilt her head back now to look him in the eyes, "Good or bad, beneficial or detrimental, you were changed against your will. I am sorry."

"It's ok," he shrugged. "You were trying to help, if we're going to assign blame, I shouldn't have tried to walk on a teacup." He smiled, a sorrowful acceptance marring the act, "Who knows, maybe it would have been worse if you weren't there. Maybe without the…special LCL, whatever it was called, my foot would have been amputated. Or maybe I'd lose to the Fourteenth Angel." He snapped his jaw shut, not having intended to show his foreknowledge.

"If you defeat ten more Angels, Shinji," Ritsuko mistook his sudden silence for a fear of failure, "I can't imagine what more we could have asked of you." She tilted her head towards the lockers, "Get changed. I'll walk you to the gantries, I'm overseeing the interface today."

Quickly retreating into the private chamber, he undressed rapidly and slid himself into his uniform. Too distracted by the glaring admission he had made, Shinji failed to notice the unique nature of his plugsuit until he pressurized it. "O-oh," Ritsuko's words bounced around in his mind. _This is a compromise?!_ The material was made of a polarized polymer, translucent at best, that displayed his new body in nigh-sexual detail. The only bits that weren't see-through were, oddly, his shoulders and neck, and what Toji had once jokingly referred to as 'a banana hammock'. Except, in the area of his groin, there were no straps. Blushing a near burgundy, he walked out of the locker and tried to formulate his opinion.

"Hmm," Ritsuko nodded, "looks like I got the size right. How do your feet feel? I put a bit more padding in the soles, someone your size shouldn't be walking around without proper support."

"I…this…nude?" He waved up and down along his torso, " _Compromise?!_ "

"Shinji," the scientist deadpanned, "the plugsuit was never intended to hide your form. There is frankly zero difference between the previous opaque blue and white and this, as far as anyone seeing you is concerned." Tilting her head to look at him in profile, she pursed her lips, "But, the black does look dashing on you, especially with your new hair color." Sighing as she realized that her arguments were not making any headway, she held up her hand, "Two choices, Shinji. This, or nude. If you go nude, I go nude." Reaching down, she unbuttoned her pencil skirt.

"N-no!" Shinji grasped her hands, "No need! I'll, I wouldn't, it'd be wrong!"

Keeping her eyes on his, she let her skirt fall to the floor, "I'm wearing my swimsuit, Shinji. That was the second half of the choice. Since you're feeling awkward, I'll be up on the platform with my lab coat and swimsuit. If anyone comments, I'll simply file a complaint that they're commenting on our uniform and they'll lose their job." Stepping back, the scholarly beauty set her overcoat aside and pulled off her turtlenecked sweater, "There," replacing the coat, she turned back to the young pilot, "now we're even."

Once more, Shinji had to appreciate the fact that NERV's hiring standards seemed to include some sort of modeling contract. He turned his head to the side, the desire to avoid the appearance of perversion loudly and overwhelmingly clubbing the desire to appreciate exactly how much Ritsuko's habit of swimming did for her physique. "Y-you don't have to do that, Ritsuko-San." The plugsuit seemed more constricting suddenly, "I-I'll be fine wearing this without you demeaning yourself."

"Uh uh," the doctor stepped to where he would see her, "my choice, Shinji. You are engaging in an experiment for me, and that experiment is making you uncomfortable. I, despite what they would prefer, am not interested in commanding you during operations, so I don't have to worry about maintaining the professional distance that your Tactical Commander should." She stepped in, tapping his chest with her clipboard, "I want us to be allies, Shinji. Allies in pursuit of learning, chasing the mysteries of the universe down into whatever rabbit warrens they reside in. Science can be pretty ugly," she grinned, "it's a good thing we'll make it look amazing."

"That you certainly do," his traitorous mouth uttered before conferring with his brain. "I…."

"We, Shinji," Ritsuko took his hand, pivoting him towards the door. "We make it look amazing. Now march. We have ten minutes before the training begins."

+++++ 3rd Angel + 7 : Friday (8)

"Ok, Shinji," Misato's face displayed on the center-left of his HUD. "We're going to start familiarizing you with the pallet rifle, it's the mid-range armament for Unit-01. You see it laying on the truck in front of you?"

His response was automatic, "Yes, ma'am."

"Ok, assembly and disassembly are not authorized by the Eva. If, at any point, we reach a weapon jam we'll have to either find a new rifle or adapt our tactics. Unfortunately, the finger dexterity of the Eva series just doesn't allow for more than a SPORTS-level check."

He didn't recall that from before, "Uhm, sports? Like…baseball?"

"Slap, Pull, Observe, Release, Trigger, Squeeze. S-P-O-R-T-S, SPORTS." She smiled, "It's a mnemonic for rookies to use when clearing a basic jam. If we come across the situation, I'll run you through it. Now, pick up the rifle." She nodded approvingly as he grasped the weapon carefully, avoiding the trigger housing, "Good. First rule of using a weapon, it's always loaded. Second rule of using a weapon, it's _always_ loaded. Now, pick up the magazine."

Shinji shifted his grip to support the weapon with a single hand and reached down, plucking the small home-sized ammunition casing up. Rotating his grip so he could insert the magazine into the weapon automatically, he tried to keep from showing that he knew what he was doing but couldn't overcome muscle memory.

"Alright, looks like you've got a good feel for the equipment, pair them up." Shinji slid the magazine in and stood with his hand lingering near the base of the weapon, purposely avoiding the charging handle. "Ok, that slide bolt on the left side of the weapon is called a charging handle, when you pull that a round will be loaded into the chamber, ready to fire. I want you to pull it back until you feel it 'pop', then let it ride forward of its own accord."

The charging handle provided less resistance than normal, and he narrowed his eyes slightly worrying that there was something wrong with the weapon. He'd had issues in practice before and hoped that this wasn't going to be a problem today.

"Something wrong, Shinji?"

"No…."

"Shinji, what's wrong?"

"There wasn't a 'pop'. It slid back easily, then slid forward easily. No resistance." He shrugged, "I'm just not wanting to mess up, Misato-San."

"You didn't," she nodded. "Always tell your range instructor if something feels wrong. We're here to make sure you don't get hurt, and the only way we know what you feel is if you tell us. Shift your grip so that you're holding the magazine and press the large blue button on the side of the rifle, that will eject it." He followed instructions. "Now, set the magazine down, good. Now pull the charging handle again." No round ejected, which was what he expected would happen. "Congratulations, you've had your first misload." She shifted her stance, "Bad luck, it happens. Ok, let's try loading again. This time, shove it in there good and solid. May have just been too gentle the first time."

A nearby voice carried to Shinji's ears, "Ma'am, can he not be rough with the weapon? Engineering would really like to check it ourselves."

"You have your orders, Shinji," she ignored the voice.

"Roger," he picked up the magazine, sliding it home and giving it a solid pat.

"Charging handle."

He pulled it, receiving a satisfying jolt this time, "I think I felt it, Misato-San."

"Excellent. Now, Aoba-Kun, give our man something to shoot." A little over a football field away, a replica of the Third Angel appeared. "Now, put your rifle to your shoulder. Good, very good Shinji. The little circle on your HUD is called a reticle, in the center of the reticle is a dot. What you need to do is put the target in the center of the reticle and pull the switch. Target in the center, pull the switch. You got that?"

Shinji sighed internally, how much time did he waste just putting the reticle in the center? He had much better aim, now. Instead of going for center-mass, which would have been pointless as the shiny orb was much higher than it should have been, he targeted the Angel's glowing weak point and fired a three-round burst, coring the mock-up.

"Uh," he heard a male voice begin, "all three shots struck the target. Right in that glowing red ball that he planted his knife in, before."

Maya's nervous giggle came through the comm-link clearly, "Have a problem with red, Shinji?"

"Not in particular," he responded quietly. "It's just…it sticks out. I thought it was important, so I aimed there."

"Solid enough plan," Misato nodded agreeably. "Worked the first time. Good shot, Shinji. Let's try some different ranges, shall we?"

"Misato-San," he hated interrupting, but he wanted actual practice. "Do I need to wait for the order to fire, or can I shoot them as they pop up?"

"Hogan's Alley…I like it," she gave him a thumb's up, "Aoba-Kun, once the target is verified dead, drop it and pop the next one. Shinji, you are weapons free. Focus on aim, though, not speed. Don't waste ammunition and I'll let you show me what you can do. Start firing wild, and I'll have to spend time running you through the basics, we clear?"

"Understood," he nodded. "And…thanks. For trusting me."

The smile he got in return was a reward all its own. With a nod, Misato placed her hand on the console, "Ok, I'm killing the intercom while you practice. Keep your head in the fight, we'll be monitoring your progress." Turning off the connection from her side, she let her smile hold in place until she had counted to five, " _Ritsuko Akagi, what in the bluest of blue hells do you think you're doing?!_ " She flung her hand to the multi-story tall and wide display of her former ward as she spun to face her oldest friend, "I was just taken to task for not instantly jumping in when he showed up to challenge his problems, and here we are less than a day later with you pushing him into Unit-01 in what I can only describe as cast-offs from a super-fetishized sadomasochism bondage lounge!"

Ritsuko rolled her eyes, "The purpose of-"

"The original plugsuits were appalling enough, does this update have an optional handcuff attachment? Maybe a whip stored somewhere?" She turned her fury to Maya, "And you! I hear _nothing_ from you from now on, are we clear?" She pointed towards the area of the building containing the Command suites, "Go and get the Sub-Commander, because I swear if this wasn't authorized I'm going to remind everybody just how military this organization is."

"That won't be necessary," Kozo stated from the doorway. "Doctor," the old professor assessed the image of Shinji, "am I to understand that there were technical limitations which would have prevented the original suit design from functioning?"

"This was a compromise between test sequence K-Twenty-Two and the concerns Pilot Ikari raised when the idea was discussed in general detail." The faux-blonde stood with her hands in her lab coat's pockets, completely at ease in her lycra one-piece suit, "The material is four micrometers thick, except around those areas considered socially unacceptable to display, allowing for as close to complete nudity as currently possible." She flicked her hand towards Maya's console, "With him in this suit, he's breached the Golden Wall."

Turning to see what was displayed on the Lieutenant's terminal, Kozo let his surprise show, "One-oh-five?" He watched for a time while Unit-01 acted as a precise extension of Shinji's will. The delay between thought, as represented by the various graphs and displays showing the electromagnetic emissions captured by the Pilot's interface headset, and action was non-existent. "What's the margin of error?"

"The MAGI are reporting a MoE of point-three-five-eight," Ritsuko declared smugly. "K Two Two would have validated the theory, but now we don't have to expose ourselves to potential blowback in order to garner the benefits. This suit has improved his connection by over ten points, pursuing further gains through psychologically harmful testing is now academic." She looked over to Misato, "Which I would have been happy to explain, Captain, had you given me the chance."

Misato grimaced, "Does it have to be see-through? I think my point stands. We have a duty to Shinji Ikari, not just the Third Child, right?"

Nodding in agreement, Kozo turned back to the third in command, "The Tactical Commander raises a valid point, Doctor."

"I polarized it as best as possible," typing a command into her tablet, a subset of the main screen showed three iterations of Shinji's plugsuit. "On the left is the original material. You can see that other than the groin and the expected seal around the neck, he would be completely nude. The center was a failure in prototyping, the spider-webbing was caused by the manufacturing process and produced almost the exact opposite effect. The MAGI agreed that it would have reduced his synchronization by eighty four percent." She gestured to the final outfit, "A change in the polymer allowed us to cut out at least two thirds of the visibility. Any more and the reduction in interface strength rendered the suit back down to the traditional plugsuit design."

"I'm kind of used to it," Shinji's voice sounded as he maintained his rate of fire. "I…I guess once I'm in the Eva I just tune everything else out." Six more Angel mock-ups perished under his assault, "But…thanks, Misato-San. I'm happy to know you're willing to push back to try and help me out." Reloading on the fly, he paused to smile timidly at the screen, "I'll adapt. I can't let them have any advantages, right?"

Misato looked down at her microphone, the glowing red light indicating it was muted. She lifted her eyes, looking for the culprit, and saw that Makoto had left his live. Sighing, she removed the mute and addressed her pilot, "Understood, Shinji. Keep up the good work. I'm muting the mic again." She looked to her subordinate and slashed her finger across her throat, watching as he sheepishly flipped the switch to cut his connection. "Ok. So, new uniform starting tomorrow. Everyone show up to work in diapers because apparently we're all children _who can't follow simple instructions._ "

"Try to find a way to improve the design, Doctor." Kozo nodded to Misato, "As relaxed as he may be while performing under stress, I would rather not test his composure when exposed to his fellow pilots in similar outfits."

+++++ 3rd Angel + 7 : Friday (8)

Shinji reached the lockers to find Ritsuko once more waiting for him, "Oh, hello Ritsuko-San, was there something you needed?" His inability to slouch prevented him from doing more than cross his arms to display his discomfort in standing exposed to the world.

"Take a quick rinse and put on the shorts I left in your locker," she waved him into the room, "I need to get a baseline for your physical capabilities."

Quickly following instructions, he let the water sluice away most of the LCL, scrubbing his fingers vigorously through his hair to remove as much as he could. Depressurizing the suit, he was able to avoid most of the vile substance reaching his torso, and was only left with the light sweat he had worked up. Dumping the plugsuit into the same bin that he always used, he found the expected pair of…swim trunks? His discomfort rose as he stepped into the royal purple shorts, _does she want me to swim?_ Once outside the room, he was met with a quick approving glance and a gesture to follow.

"Part of the new agreement that the Sub-Commander has put in place involves us developing a plan to maintain your physical and mental fitness. As you are currently unfamiliar with your new size, the healthiest choice is swimming." She looked up at him, "Do you need protective eyewear?"

 _Better just admit it,_ "I…don't know how to swim." He took an additional step when Ritsuko stopped dead in her tracks, "Sensei never bothered to teach me, and the one time I fell into one of the streams I almost drowned before I realized I could just put my feet down and stand up."

It was an incongruity. The embarrassed, hang-dog, look that she witnessed on a young man with a body shaped like a marble statue come to life. _Maybe we should check his cardio in the closet there…._ Blinking as the thought tittered in the background, Ritsuko stepped past him to hide the flush in her cheeks, "Then I'll have to teach you myself." It would mean more time away from her research. More…hands on time with her new ally. The pool was empty, per her instructions, and she wasted little time in the ladies' locker room removing her outer coat and rinsing off. Setting aside her clipboard she walked over to the edge and simply dropped into the water, "All right," she turned to face him easily, "in you come."

Awkwardly sitting on the lip, Shinji warily eyed the dangerous liquid before him. The pool itself was massive, well beyond the size and dimensions of even pre-Impact Olympic construction. He could follow the black painted stripes to the point where they fell off into the depths, the ramp down sudden and chilling. Nearby, Ritsuko was standing where the water came to her mid-body, and he knew he was taller than her, but taking the final step in seemed a challenge even greater than facing the Angels themselves. "It's…."

"Only scary until you know what you're doing," as he had been delaying, Ritsuko approached and stood with her arms out. "Take my hands. I promise," she tried to offer him the kind of smile she now craved from him, "I won't let you get hurt." Where Shinji's smile, the one that caused her such consternation, was full of heart and innocence, Ritsuko's was full of dark promises and forbidden knowledge.

His mouth felt dry, and he tried to swallow as he held his eyes locked onto hers. Emerald green pools, deeper than the body of water before him, seeming to offer things that he couldn't understand. Things he didn't know how or why, but part of him wanted badly. His hands moved unbidden to take hers gently, and without further delay he dropped into the chlorinated warmth. The pair stood, the disparity in arm length causing their conjoined grip to drop below the surface as he approached, and simply watched their opposite.

She could feel the confusion in his demeanor, though her mind refused to explain it. When he took her offer, she felt a sting of victory. The first step in building trust and he met it easily. It was when he slid into the water, scarcely disturbing it as he did, that she noticed he wasn't trembling as he ought to have been. Fear caused people to shiver, the adrenaline produced needing an outlet. Whatever he was now feeling, it wasn't fear. It was her turn to move without thought, as she laced her fingers into his, receiving reciprocation after a slight hesitation. His eyes consumed her, blue and pure, a cloudless sky, _mark him. Mark him now. Nothing is preventing you from claiming him, mark him_ now!

Unable to take the odd confusion, Shinji spoke into the gravid silence, "So…what now?"

Her trance shattered, she blinked once and searched for a way to explain the oddness away, "Now we…make sure you're comfortable in the water." She stepped back, keeping her fingers interlocked with his, "We'll move away from the wall, don't want you to accidentally bump into it." Working him away from the perception of safety, she struggled with her impulses. He kept pace with her, maintained eye contact easily, she could just step forward and…. "Ok." _I am acting like a love-struck child._ "Now," she squeezed his hands and let go, "I am going to step here alongside you. What I want you to do is lay back, and I'll support you as we teach you to float."

The fear began to return as he sensed the change in her emotional state, "Y-you'll support me?"

"I promise," _mark him_ , "I'll never let you sink."

+++++ 3rd Angel + 7 : Friday (8)

Shinji arrived midway through lunch, Akane and Mikoto dropping him off with a stern demand that he take time to eat. Spying Hikari seated with Shinobu over beneath the old oak, he picked his way through the gatherings in the courtyard towards his intended. The waves and other greetings were a challenge to him, remembering everyone's names and replying appropriately. He wanted to stop and engage in what he felt was appropriate social activities, but he needed to reach Hikari and devour the meal he had made.

"Oh, Shinji-Kun!" Shinobu brightened as she noticed his approach, "Hikari-Chan was telling me that you got called in this morning. Is everything all right?" The bluenette didn't seem to shift her posture, happily seated with her legs tilted to one side.

"Yeah," Shinji chose a spot that was closer to Hikari, but not so close as to appear inappropriate, "it was a readiness test. I was told that I could share that much, at least. Making sure that we can react quickly during the next attack."

The young lady looked between her friends, "You think there'll be another attack?"

"There will be," Hikari shrugged. "And Shinji will protect us. So long as we do the responsible thing and move to the shelters, stay out of trouble, and listen to instructions." Pointing to his lunch, she urged him silently to eat, "We all have our parts to do, Shinobu-Chan. Your Class Rep needs your support, if it happens during school."

Shinji nodded, distracted by the memories of the Fourth Angel. The attack had come while most of the students were at school. _Rei watched as…._ "Suzuhara-San," he murmured. _Toji didn't punch me for weeks after the Third Angel. The attack was…two? Three weeks? Poor Rei, I should have remembered to ask about her. But how? If I ask, won't I seem too eager?_ Silently berating himself he missed the first time his girlfriend spoke.

"Shinji?" Her voice startled him out of his memories, "It's ok." Her smile was patient, "We're not going to let another Suzuhara-Chan happen, right Shinobu-Chan?"

"Right!" The young Maehara nodded fiercely, "I've insisted that the residents of the Inn engage in practice drills. Keitaro-Kun has been supportive, so we're doing our part." Reflexively placing her hand on Shinji's knee, concern radiated off of her, "But you can't let yourself get hurt either, Shinji-Kun. So if there's anything else we can do to help, please let us know."

"Just…just make sure you keep an eye on the other students," Kensuke and Toji standing outside of the shelter came to mind. "Being outside during combat would be dangerous, suicidal." He swallowed his fear, "Some people have less sense than they should, and may try to stay outside to film the fight, or maybe even watch it first-hand. If I see them, I might be hurt trying to save them."

Hikari's eyes narrowed, "I think I know a couple of idiots like that."

When the bell rang, Shinji shoveled the food into his mouth as quickly as he could while Hikari and Shinobu made certain that they left nothing behind, trash or otherwise. Swallowing the last of his meal, the Third Child stood, "Really, just watch out for one another. I fight because I have to, not because I want to, and the fewer people around the faster I can end the fight. Unit-01 is a large shield, but I can't stop it from crushing people if they won't listen to reason, or if the people responsible for those who don't know better won't listen to reason."

Unseen by the three students, Shinji's earnest declaration was passed around the school. There would be those students that refused to listen or believe it, whether too cynical or simply contrarian, but the majority of his peers and juniors heard his pleas and sought ways to encourage attentiveness. After all, the plain-spoken pilot didn't seem to demand attention or respect, he simply asked for people to do what was obviously the best thing to do. His fellow students could respect that, and by extension, him, whether he liked it or not.


	10. Chapter 10

+++++ 3rd Angel + 7 : Friday (8)

"You don't know how to swim?" Hikari cast a worried look towards her boyfriend as they prepared to leave for the day, "Oh, Shinji, that's no good. Please pay attention to Ritsuko-San's lessons, too many people drown every year because they didn't learn when they could have. Either in class or from their family."

Remembering the odd feeling radiating from the faux-blonde, Shinji wondered how he could phrase his concern in a way that made any sense. Deciding that the best thing to do for now was to focus on the lessons and not the confused welter of emotions he experienced, he nodded in acceptance, "I was able to float unassisted, and move slowly under my own power, by the end. I don't know how often we're going to practice, but I promise I'll do my best."

"Good," her contented smile made him want to learn now, just to keep it in place. "Did she say anything about Ayanami-San?"

"No," Shinji berated himself once again. "If…." He thought back to her injuries from the first time around, three weeks after the Third Angel she still had a cast on her arm and bandages about her eye, "If she was injured in a training accident, she might be out for a few weeks yet. It can be…it can hurt."

"Oh," despite the pair having not yet cleared the courtyard, Hikari hugged herself to his arm, "I'm not blaming you, Shinji. You have so much to think about, you can't be blamed for not asking about someone you've never met."

 _Ouch_. "W-well," he looked down cautiously, "we could always ask Maya-San? She would know, and you're the Class Rep so it would make sense for you to ask?"

Hikari shook her head, "I'll ask later. I don't want anyone distracting us from your time off, and contacting people from your work is just going to open us up to them asking for more time from you. I missed having you walk me to school this morning, and being able to talk with you between classes." She sighed, "I'm sorry for being all…upset this morning. Kodama's pushing my buttons, again."

"She…is?" He struggled to recall the interaction between the two sisters, "Did you have a fight while I was in the kitchen with Nozomi?"

The freckle-faced beauty looked up appraisingly, "Shinji, what do you think of when Kodama says you two are partners?"

"Well, uhm," frowning, he ordered his thoughts as best he could, "I think she wants us to see each other as equals. Two people cooperating towards a similar goal, in our case I think she wants me to view her less as an elder, or as someone with greater education, and more as someone I can come to with any concerns or questions. I told her that, in return, if she had anything I could help with that she should come to me." He nodded, agreeing with his exposition, "Especially if we are going to be living together. An older sister wanting her younger brother to look past the age difference, instead of being deferential, I guess. Why?"

"So," she played her forefinger along his arm, "you see her as an older sister?"

"Yeah…I guess I do," he shrugged, tugging on his ponytail. "Like I see Nozomi as a younger sister. I…well, I can't say I see you as a sister," he blushed. "I don't think I'd have thoughts of kissing my sister like that."

"Oh? 'Like that'?" Stepping before him, she forced a halt, "And…how do you see yourself kissing me?"

His jaw worked, an explanation failing to materialize, and therefore he fell back on the tried-and-true method of evasion: apology. "I'm sorry!"

"I'm not," tugging him down fiercely, the Class Rep having gone home for the day, Hikari followed up on the morning's kiss with the afternoon edition. Standing in the shade of the corner store, she let her hands slowly crawl up the sides of his face. With lightly toying touches, she enjoyed the sensations created by her tongue along his surprised lips. She knew he was stunned, accepted that his tentative grasp on her waist was progress, but the greedier part of her mind wanted more. Discipline, however, won out over desire as she let her weight pull them apart, "Something…maybe like that?"

"Y-yes…." His jaw continued to twitch, the lingering phantom remnants of her touch providing him with no basis of comparison. He was a man out of time, a stranger in a strange land, and instead of maddening anachronisms his tormentor was a caring, intelligent, _gorgeous_ , young woman that asked for nothing and offered everything. "H-how do I deserve you?" He was a coward, he had run away, and when given the opportunity to right the course of his life….

"I could ask the same thing," she whispered as she gathered him in her arms. "Forget I asked. About Kodama, I mean."

"O-ok," he desperately wanted to smother the stammer that he knew he had. Whenever he became confused, or scared, he sounded like a driveling idiot. "H-Hikari," he gently pushed her back so he could make eye contact, "are you angry? I-if I'm doing something wrong, you'll tell me, right?"

"Shinji, you haven't done anything for me to be worried over," she smiled happily, "I promise. I'm just happy that you said 'Yes' when I asked you out." Her smile dropped into a grin, "And that you don't see me as a sister."

"N-no," he shook his head firmly, "you're…very much not a sister."

The rest of the walk home was quiet, as Hikari internally rejoiced at the resumption of her uncontested victory over Shinji's affections, and Shinji tried to find something to compare the various emotions he had experienced today to. He was beginning to feel that what Hikari showed him was love. He wanted to never let her go, to know inside that she would be with him for all time. When they kissed it was glorious. But without anything to compare it to, he knew that what he felt could just as easily be in the domain of what Asuka deemed perversion. He could simply be lusting after his former roommate's best friend, his current housemate. What, then, did that make those odd sensations as he sat at the poolside? The enigmatic and unfailingly attractive Doctor Akagi compounded his inability to make sense of the day. He had thought she was flirting with him back at Misato's apartment, but when she was given several chances today she made no similar comments. It wasn't that he wanted her to, he was happy, overjoyed really, with Hikari. He wanted to help the beleaguered woman, much like Misato, she seemed to need it.

She had just looked into him, through him. He could tell she wanted something, but whatever it was he couldn't quite put words to it. He was more than willing to accept that her flirtation the night in question was prompted by playfulness. One wasn't friends with Misato if they were unwilling to play like Misato. But her eyes…she wasn't flirting today, flirting was all promise and no pay-off, flirting was a tease, a shell game. Well, when he saw the flirting it was. Hikari had mentioned that his 'helpers' had flirted with him, all of it flew over his head. When Ritsuko smiled at him, it seemed to be the prelude to…something. But it was something, much like the child reaching for the shiny red packet under the kitchen sink, he knew he didn't have the knowledge to safely use.

"We're home!" Hikari's happy cry carried through the house. Without even turning to witness the target of her next declaration, she pointed unerringly at her younger sister, "Nozomi, you walk down those stairs properly young lady."

"Boo," the little firecracker stumped down the stairs, "I like it when he catches me." Reaching the base of the house, she held out her arms, "Pick me up?"

His hands were quickly freed of his school bag by Hikari, who tilted her head towards her younger sibling with a wink. "I don't know," _I…I can do this. I can pretend to be a family._ "You're kind of big." Bracing his feet past his shoulders, he gripped his self-declared little sister around the waist and made an overtly fake display of struggling to lift her, "S-so…heavy…can't…." Hoisting her into the air suddenly he spun her about, then dropped her against his hip, eliciting a joyous scream and a series of giggles, "Did you study well at school today?" The additional weight proved no burden, and so he followed Hikari into the kitchen carrying the youngest Horaki.

"I did," she nodded firmly to each word. "My sensei is very insistent that I set a good example. Since _somebody_ was super study happy while they were in his class." Nozomi faux-pouted at her elder sister, "He won't even let me choose my own books."

"Oh?" Shinji nodded in commiseration, "My old sensei used to choose my books for me as well. Folklore, Buddhist texts, history," staying in motion to avoid crowding Hikari as she prepared everyone a small snack, he swayed his hips to rock his passenger to-and-fro, "I learned how to read by studying the different calligraphy techniques used all the way back to the beginning of the Kamakura period."

"Ick," Nozomi stuck her tongue out, "I hate calligraphy. 'You must stroke with a steady hand, children. An errant motion can change a great word into a common grunt'," she quoted, affecting a snooty accent.

"It sounds like he hasn't changed much in the last decade," Hikari snorted. She tilted her head towards the living room, beckoning Shinji to follow along, "He studied in the former United Kingdom, somewhere in England. The way he speaks is really formal, even for me."

Nozomi bucked off his hip, sprinting past Hikari and tumbling over the couch to grab the remote, "No news! We're watching something interesting!" Popping up with the device held triumphantly, she eyed her sister warily, "Hikari likes watching the news when she gets the remote first."

"Only if there's something I need to learn more about," Hikari defended herself calmly. "Unlike you, Shinji and I a part of the adult world." Settling Shinji between her and her sister, she handed everyone their plate, "We don't have the luxury of remaining ignorant of it."

"If only," Shinji sighed. Spying the heavy tarp tacked over the sliding glass door, he sighed, "I'm sorry that they're changing your house. I would have been fine with the…." Nozomi raised to her knees, putting on her best puppy-dog eyes and leaning forward with her hands on his shoulder. "S-sorry."

"Nii-San is a good man," she patted his head. "Silly, but a good man." Turning back to the TV, she dropped onto the couch once more and settled under his arm, "Looks like a historical drama today. The UNFN channel is showing that weird clay creature and his horse again. They're just creepy."

Shinji's right hand was suddenly full of Hikari's. When he turned to offer her a smile, she mouthed 'Ahhh', placing the slice of apple inside when he responded. And so, he spent the time between returning to his new home and the arrival of the final sister, watching a story of a minor noble attempting to overthrow an established daimyo in an effort to win the hand of a treacherous woman that wanted power for herself. It was tragic, in both story and acting ability, but Nozomi's narrations and Hikari's presence made it far more entertaining than it otherwise might have been.

After feeding her beau, Hikari clasped his right hand in both of hers and leaned against his shoulder. It was a wonderful day, with a man that not only made her feel like she could take on the world, but also took to the most important people in her world so easily despite his handicaps. She would never have imagined that the young man that stammered and shied away from contact in school would ever be so caring with the bastion of energy that was her younger sister. She'd never dreamed of something so wonderful, not with Suzuhara, not with the idle crushes on the idols of her youth. "It will have to be someone truly special," she whispered to herself, "to be worth risking this."

"Hmm?" Shinji twisted his neck slightly to look down at her, "Did you say something?"

"Nothing important," she squeezed his hand gently. "Just putting my thoughts in order."

"I'm home," Kodama's tired voice barely reached the trio. "Is Daddy here?"

"Nope," Nozomi responded. "He said he'd be back about twenty minutes from now, 'work stuff'."

"Ok," reaching the back of the couch, she pulled the hairband free from Shinji's hair, idly running her fingers across his scalp, "I'm going to take a shower, hopefully by the time I'm done he'll be home to watch the sprout."

"I can watch myself just fine," Nozomi rolled her eyes.

"Not with the workmen here," Hikari responded firmly. Reaching up to pinch her elder sister's wrist, she leveled a flat look at the transgressor, "Go take a shower. We have class tomorrow, and can't be out all night."

Kodama rolled her eyes and hugged Shinji's head, "Don't worry. We're only going to be purchasing enough to survive until Sunday." Dodging a follow-up swat, she stepped back with a laugh and made her way upstairs, "On Sunday, we're going clothes shopping. No more all-day formality, Shinji, you're going to learn to relax in this house."

Hikari eyed the retreating back of her elder sister, "I'm going to go change. Nozomi, you should start your homework." Squeezing Shinji's hand once more, the Class Rep stood and made her way towards her bedroom upstairs, after a chat with her elder sister.

"Ooo, good idea." Hopping over the back of the couch, the youngest Horaki trotted over to her school bag and came hurrying back, spinning around Hikari as she passed, "Nii-San, can you help me with math?" Dropping onto his lap, she dug out the work lesson, "I'm having problems with division."

"Oh," Shinji leaned forward slightly, resting his hands on his knees so he could see over the young spitfire's head, "sure. Let's start with number four," he tapped the page, "I'll walk you through how I learned it. Maybe that will make more sense."

Having reached five hundred in her mental slow count, Nozomi shifted topics to the real reason for her eagerness to do homework, "Shinji," she shifted to perch on his left leg, dangling her feet between his knees, "do you _like_ like Hikari?"

"I-I…uhm, y-yes?" The sudden change brought out his verbal tic, "Wh-why? Do you think I'm not showing it right?"

"No, you're doing fine." She frowned thoughtfully, "Are there any other girls you like?"

"Well, I like you," he responded quickly. "I like Kodama, and Maya-San, Ritsuko-San…even Misato-San, despite how everything has turned out."

"That's not what I mean, silly-head." Nozomi patted his arm, "I like you too, though. You make Hikari happy, and you listen to what I have to say. I mean are there any other girls you _like_ like. Like you _like_ like Hikari."

"O-oh! N-no," Shinji shook his head, his hair fanning outwards with the motion, "j-just Hikari. I'm not looking for anyone else like that. Why? Am I doing something wrong? Has she said something?"

"Nope," internally Nozomi sighed. Shinji couldn't see the byplay between her sisters, and it was plain as day to the little lady that his thoughts on Kodama weren't afflicted with the same neurotic apologizing that she had heard Hikari describe before. If he was thinking of her eldest sister the same way he thought of her, then he wouldn't see Kodama's heavy-handed physicality as enticing or threatening. "You should hug Hikari more, though. She'll feel lonely with how easy it is for you to hold me, or let Kodama hug you, if you don't give her the same affection. Daddy had to learn that too," she smiled at the earnest interest on Shinji's face, "Hikari's not as confident as she seems, and becomes much more confident when she knows that she has someone watching her back."

"B-but…you don't think it'd seem, uhm…."

"It's not perverted to hug someone you're dating, Shinji," Hikari's return had gone unnoticed. "Nozomi, I thought I said you should do your homework." As much as the freckle-faced young woman loved her little sister's precociousness, she wasn't so certain that she wanted it turned against her, even 'helpfully'.

"But nii-san helped me, so I'm helping him. We're sharing help," Nozomi kicked him subtly in the calf, "right nii-san?"

"R-right," Shinji responded in confusion.

"I am home," Toshiro's entrance allowed Nozomi the distraction she needed to shift everything back to 'normal'. As he walked into the living room, he noticed the tarp still hanging in place, "Mmm, are they not yet done?" The big man gave a quick hug to his middle-child, "My apologies, child. There was a discussion that needed to be had amongst my peers. Thank you for not leaving Nozomi alone with the Engineers around."

"Don't worry, Daddy," Hikari demurred, "we took the opportunity to watch one of Nozomi's shows with Shinji. It was a good family experience." Turning to face her boyfriend, her long-sleeve sundress billowing outwards, she beckoned him over, "Kodama's almost ready, we'll wait outside for her." Pacing to the door, she stood just outside the threshold.

"Oh, ok," Shinji helped Nozomi settle back onto the couch, accepting a small hug and a whispered reminder to remember what she had said. He paused before Toshiro, "Is there anything you would like us to pick up while we're out, sir?"

The big man considered his newest charge for a moment, "Shinji, while you live under my roof I would prefer you refer to me by name. We share an occupation, in protecting those who cannot protect themselves against evil beings that would do them harm. I feel that makes us compatriots, and it would be inappropriate of me to treat a compatriot as subordinate."

"I-if that's what you would prefer, uhm, Toshiro-San."

"It is a start," the big man gripped Shinji's shoulder, "we have much work to do, Shinji. Let us begin as we intend to proceed."

"Th-then, is there something you want us to pick up while we are out, Toshiro-San?"

He looked to Hikari, then leaned in closer to Shinji and whispered, "Barbecue corn chips. Any brand, doesn't matter."

Shinji realized that his daughters most likely were fervent guardians of his eating habits, not wanting to risk the health of their sole living parent. He also saw, like Misato told him certain people might, that the big man was reaching out halfway. "Right," he uttered quietly, offering a single nod of understanding.

"Keep them safe, Shinji," Toshiro ushered him towards the door. "And trust their choices. I do."

"Let's go, let's go!" Kodama pulled him away from her father, "Lots to check out, lots to do!" Lacing her arm through his, she guided him towards their destination. Pausing just outside the door, she shared a look with Hikari, "Ready, sis?"

"If you are," the Class Rep replied with an unreadable smile. Twining her arm with Shinji's, she laced her fingers with his and nodded to her sister.

Shinji was trapped between his two housemates, and very quickly realized that walking in such a manner was far more taxing than he had anticipated. It wasn't all bad, however, as he felt sheltered from the world beyond the bubble of Horaki siblings. There were worse ways to spend an afternoon.

+++++ 3rd Angel + 7 : Friday (8)

The first store they stopped in specialized in personal care products. The overwhelming olfactory onslaught made his eyes come close to watering, though both Kodama and Hikari seemed to show no ill-effects. Bottles, jars, canisters, and boxes sat in orderly rows along well-stocked shelves, all declaring various promises to revitalize, revivify, rejuvenate, or perform some other dark voodoo witchcraft that he ill-trusted.

"Welcome to our store," a pair of employees intoned.

The shorter of the two ladies, her nametag identifying her as the manager, approached the trio, "What can we do for you today?" Her question was directed, bluntly, towards Kodama first and Hikari second. Just beyond her middle years, the woman dressed to rely on her few exceptional physical attributes to cover for her otherwise general decline into advanced age. Her light make up and well-trimmed hair style, however, still couldn't overcome the march of entropy. Regardless, she subtly eyed Shinji with a manner similar to Ritsuko's visible in his assessment of the gaze.

"We are here for our new housemate," Kodama turned her body to force additional distance between Shinji and the manager. "As you can see, he has contracted a rather unique condition where his hair has lost all pigmentation. Unfortunately, the products he used just won't do anymore, and we simply can't let him cut it shorter to make it easier to manage."

"It really is such a wonderful length," Hikari picked up on her sister's story, "and he's so willing to let us style it that we'd be heartbroken if it stopped being so healthy." Reaching up to pluck at his mane, she sighed, "We're fortunate that we knew him before his hair changed, he was so close to cutting it off."

"Oh my," the manager placed her fingers over her mouth in an overt display of concern, "what is it that you do for a living, sir?" Shifting to move around Kodama, the woman found herself blocked back by Hikari's doting over her target.

"I'm," he hesitated, an act he quickly regretted.

"He's the pilot of the Purple Guardian," Kodama stated as if he was a clerk for a convenience store.

The part-timer standing back at the counter gasped, " _You are!_ " Her face broke with a broad smile, "I recognized you from her description!"

"I, y-yes," he nodded, an embarrassed flush rising in his cheeks. He bowed as best Hikari would allow him to, "I am very sorry if my first fight caused you any distress."

"Oh, oh, oh," the young woman bounced, pulling out her cellphone, "would you mind if I took a selfie with you? My little sister goes to your school, and she'll flip when she sees it." The bubbly woman turned to his girlfriend, "Horaki-San, right? My sister is in 3-B, Kagome Ririko. She's always said she'd rather be in your class. Would you mind? Both of you?"

Kodama intercepted the manager as Hikari leaned into Shinji to allow the picture to get everyone in frame, "What do you have that helps wash out external scents? He's frequently exposed to things that have a strong metallic scent, it lingers in his hair like smoke, and as you can see he's rather a gentle spirit. A three-part wash would be fine, but it has to be able to be used daily if necessary." Behind the nurse, Shinji gave his self-deprecating smile for the camera, the elder Ririko sibling hugging him under his arm. "We're looking for a body wash that has similar properties, of course, but he's not particular about moisturizing. Just so long as it doesn't smell 'girly'. He is, after all, more man than any one woman could handle. He should project that."

The click of the phone's camera was followed by the part-timer's rapid separation from Shinji, "Thank you, thank you," she took Shinji's and Hikari's hands, "my sister will love this."

"Well, if she needs help in school make sure to tell her she can come and speak to me," the Class Rep was out now. "If her Rep isn't doing their part, I'll make sure to raise her concerns to the appropriate people."

"We don't want people suffering, not if we can help." Shinji looked to Hikari, then back to the young clerk, "It's our responsibility as leaders to do what we can for those who can't." He felt a squeeze around his waist, a warmth spreading outward as his girlfriend demonstrated her joy at his statement.

The shopping began in earnest after that, different brands brought out for him to gauge the scent of, or the feel, or the way he felt after it had dried or been rinsed away. He slowly became aware of the dance being performed by the two women who had taken charge of his care, Kodama drawing the manager away from him with almost aggressive acts of curiosity, Hikari keeping the part-timer involved and using the woman's pleasant nature to provide him with a far more gentle experience throughout the affair. In the end, he came away with several bottles of shower products for his hair to help him keep it clean and presentable, more bottles than he anticipated of body washes, some for daily use, some for whenever he had been in the LCL, some for 'work' and some for home. At his insistence, he also purchased several things for each of the present sisters, and something for Nozomi that the little lady could make use of.

When he pulled out his NERV paycard, after he punched in his pin and accepted the receipt, the manager firmly pressed it into his hands with that same odd smile. "If there's _anything else_ you need, please don't hesitate to let me know. We're always happy to provide _excellent service_ to our special customers."

"Uh, uhm, thank you." He gently pulled his hand free, reflexively not breaking eye contact as he backed away.

Once the trio was back outside, Kodama tugged the receipt from him and glanced over it, "Pft, of course she did." Tearing off the bottom of the paper, she stuffed the important section back into the bag, "Typical."

"What's wrong?" Shinji staggered slightly as Kodama resumed her grip on his side, Hikari automatically adjusting her pace to compensate, "D-did I do something wrong?"

"No," Hikari rubbed his arm soothingly with her free hand, "you did everything just fine." Smiling happily up towards him, she pressed on, "You let her take your picture to make a fellow student happy. You told her that it was _our_ job to make sure the students are cared for, and you didn't forget about Nozomi when you put your foot down about us buying something for ourselves."

"And that…person's actions were her own fault, not yours," Kodama finished. "You don't have to worry about a thing." Tossing the scrap she had torn free away, the elder Horaki sibling appreciated that her younger sister seemed to be able to read her mind. Shinji did not need to know that the manager had written her personal number with an offer for an 'in-home demonstration'. Not that he'd take the woman up on it, but it would make him very uncomfortable, and that was the last thing they wanted.

"Let's catch the trolley," Hikari looked for the next scheduled car, "then we'll go grocery shopping. Pick up enough for the next few days. Daddy gets paid on Sunday, so we can do more shopping then."

"I'll pay," Shinji shook his head once. "I insist." Shifting the bag into his opposing hand, he reached back for his phone and pressed the speed dial to bring up his current finances. "I'll double-check, but I should have more than enough money for us to not have to go out twice. And we need to buy the things we'll need to bake Suzuhara-Chan brownies." When the screen displayed a far, far larger number than he anticipated, he frowned in confusion, "Wait…I think I may have pulled up the wrong account." Tapping another button on the interface he waited to be connected to one of the personnel that worked in the payroll department.

A youthful voice projected confidence from the phone as the line connected, "Good afternoon, Ikari-San, this is Yukari Sendo. What can I do for you today?"

"Hello, Sendo-San. I was looking at my account, and I'm afraid that I may have been shown the wrong account information." He frowned at the alphanumeric display in the upper corner, it was his employee ID under his name, but the information couldn't be correct.

"Ok, do I have permission to connect to your mobile device, Ikari-San? I'll see what you see and check it against the master record."

"Please do," he saw a flicker as his NERV-issued phone was tunneled into. The cursor scrolled across the lines as he heard Yukari murmur various noises of concentration. When the train car arrived, Shinji made certain that both Kodama and Hikari made it on board safely before he stepped through.

It was his good fortune that the car was otherwise empty. "Other than a pending payment of the amount displayed," the payroll technician typed out a number in a small notepad, and as the number grew larger Shinji grew increasingly worried, "it appears that this is indeed your account Ikari-San. There has been significant activity over the past sixteen hours, all of which…has…yes, every action has originated from within the payroll master system itself. The MAGI encoding is a match. Was there anything else I can do to assist you today?"

"N-no," Shinji shook his head subconsciously. "Thank you for your assistance, Sendo-San."

"Any time, Ikari-San. Thank you for defending us all from the Angels. Have a good day," the line disconnected.

"That's an awful lot of numbers to the left of the decimal," Kodama whistled. "Maybe put that away, Shinji. Nobody's in here, but you don't want to risk showing everyone your finances. It's a bad habit to allow yourself to develop."

Hikari watched as Shinji turned the device to sleep mode, then sat staring at the blank display. He didn't seem afraid, but he made no motions to engage or discuss anything. Making eye contact with her sister, she received a subtle 'Not now'. The two women kept an eye on him as the train ferried them on, watching the world travel past them, but always keeping him in sight. It was hard for her to not ask him why it bothered him that he was being paid well, in her mind the monetary value that she would assign the only person in the world to successfully defeat a giant killer alien was only slightly less than what she'd expect a high-level CEO to make. It took a combination of traits to be successful in business that you couldn't underpay and expect to have them overperform. The logic followed that if the combination of traits that made a successful pilot only existed in _two_ _people_ , the money should follow. That Shinji was a good person who would accept less did not excuse his employer's responsibility to adequately compensate him for having his life overturned constantly.

When he finally spoke, Shinji's voice belied his distraction, "How much is your university tuition, Kodama?"

"My part is around six hundred thousand Yen a year," she answered slowly. "I have a repayment plan, though, which allows me to pay it off slowly so long as I accept employment at one of the hospitals they designate." Her eyes narrowed, "Shinji-"

"I'll work with yo…with Toshiro-San to pay off the debt." He nodded to the logic, "I can set aside money to cover Nozomi's costs in the future, and help you go wherever you want, Hikari. You could go to Okinawa, I remember you saying they had several schools there that offered majors you wanted." His mind worked through the various scenarios, subtracting costs and adding the amount he had seen would be his bi-weekly pay. The lump sum transfer would allow him to take an immediate and massive weight off of the Horaki family. The recurring payments would enable him to- _Why is Hikari shaking?_ "Hikari? What's wrong?"

"Us, not me," the ease with which he had separated them…. "I wanted us to go to Okinawa for university. It would be somewhere you could relax, we could study." She would leave for university, he would stay behind and find someone else. How could he be lonely for long? He'd have any woman he wanted, and…. "I won't go somewhere you don't, Shinji."

"Y-you've only known me a week, Hikari," it was sensible. Her future, her potential, was so much greater than his. She could go to almost any university she wanted with her grades, her work ethic, he could help her escape Tokyo-3, he could let them live free from the burdens of debt. She could study, become a pillar of society. "You said yourself, we may not even prove compatible. But," he looked to Kodama for support and found a raised eyebrow of displeasure, "b-but…."

"My father knew my mother for two days before they were married, Shinji," Kodama speared him in the gut with a finger, "and when a Horaki partners with someone, it's for life. I've been watching you like a hawk, and you're not 'pretending' to be some wonderful man, you're not leading my sister on, you're not hiding cruel intentions. You become the recipient of a life-changing amount of money and your first thought is to pay off other people's debt who, by your own words, you've only known for a week. So to you, it's perfectly fine for you to send us away, but completely forbidden for us to decide we're spending the rest of our lives with you." She jabbed him once more, "Is that it?"

"It," he blinked, confused by the vehemence, "I-I'm trying to give you freedom! Th-this city i-is going to be a battleground, destroyed…a sea of flames and ruined lives…." He turned back to Hikari, "I-I don't want you to be d-dragged down by me, Hikari. I'm n-not the man you think I am, I'm-"

"My boyfriend," Hikari stated firmly. He could still feel the tremble in her hands, but her face could have been carved from iron, "and I seem to remember someone saying that was all it would take to stop you from going with someone else." Lifting her chin, she pronounced judgment upon him, "You are stuck with me, Shinji Ikari. Your place is here, defending humanity, and so my place is by your side, defending you."

"Our place, sis," Kodama hugged him from the side. "Never had a little brother, but now that I do I'm finding myself liking it. Whoever thinks to win me over is going to have a high bar to hurdle, let me tell you." Leaning her head against his, she smiled, "My little sister can't go outdoing me, you know?"

He wanted to run away. To prove to them that he wasn't worth throwing their futures away for. To free them of whatever madness he had infected them with. When Hikari's lips gently alighted upon his, however, his resolve shattered into trillions of tiny shards, a blizzard of snowflakes gently coating the ground around them. He had a responsibility now. Several. Running wasn't an option, and he could never be the type to be cruel to be kind. Harming Misato inadvertently still caused his stomach to roil with the memory of it, harming the Horaki family intentionally? May as well try to fly Unit-01 straight to the moon.

+++++ 3rd Angel + 7 : Friday (8)

Hikari took the opportunity while Shinji was 'talking shop' with the woman behind the butcher's counter to apologize to her sister, "You were right." The young lady wasn't too proud to admit her own mistakes, but she had assumed that a threat for Shinji's affections would come from another woman, not from him offering her a free ride to whatever college she would like to attend. "He sees himself as a burden on me."

"I didn't want to hurt you, sis," Kodama bumped her little sister with her shoulder. "But I saw you moving slow and steady, and Shinji isn't the kind of guy to ever take the hint. He's innocent, which is mind-bogglingly rare, but all it's going to take is the right woman reaching down his pants to bind him to them forever."

Hikari frowned, "I…don't think he'll cheat, Kodama. I know you were right that he doesn't see himself as truly _with_ me, but I don't think he'll willingly stray." She had faith in him, in his principles.

Kodama sighed, "Who said it'd be willing?" She pointed to the woman showing various cuts of meat to their new housemate, "Say he comes here again, and that woman entices him into the freezer to show him 'a better cut'. He wouldn't see the trap before she had his pants down, and he wouldn't push her off strongly enough for fear of hurting her. She gets him inside, makes him 'take responsibility', and there's your tragedy."

"Not…not everyone's like that," Hikari scowled. "You know that people aren't all that horrible."

"Only takes one, Hikari," Kodama moved their trolley towards Shinji. "How certain are you that Suzuhara wasn't the kind of man to talk of forever while thinking of a few seconds." She made a few crude grunts and faux-sighed in pleasure, "And you would have had a lifetime of dealing with his kid, with or without him around. It's the same story, just the genders are flipped."

"I get it," she blushed, looking around to make sure nobody had heard her sister's crudity, "Shinji's a good man, and I should make sure that I'm the one holding his hand when the music stops."

"No," Kodama stopped moving again, "You know as well as I do that Horakis either click or we don't. Don't let him dangle out for everyone else to bite at." She scowled at her younger sister, "Shinji's a once-in-ten-lifetimes chance, and if you aren't going to be sane and start moving him forward _someone else will._ "

Hikari turned, growling, "Like you?"

"I am not going to let him go to someone that doesn't have a good heart, Hikari." The nurse-in-training leaned in close, "If some self-serving glory-seeker comes in and there's even a chance she'll take him from us, you're damn right I will. I may not be able to make him as happy as you, but he is _everything_ Daddy raised us to be. He is _everything_ that Daddy wanted us to look for in a partner." It was now Hikari's turn to be on the receiving end of a pointed finger, "And he is the kind of man that helped us survive the aftermath of Second Impact. Don't be a stupid child. He's not wrong that you've only known him a week, but he is _very_ wrong that the amount of time matters when two good hearts meet like yours did." She turned roughly away, "Like mom and dad met."

Shinji walked back, several sections of beef packaged tightly in his hands, "Sorry," he apologized, having missed the look the sisters had been giving each other, "I know that you're not eating meat right now, Kodama. But I thought…uhm, Toshiro-San might enjoy the variety." Looking up, he smiled hopefully, receiving paired looks of gentle reassurance from the two women he walked with, their fight delayed as they refocused on the man in question, "I saw that there were some good sales on fish, though. If you'd like, I know a Western recipe that I can use fish in, instead of the shredded beef." He gently tugged the cart away from Kodama to prevent her from having to do anything, "I need to make it for Maya-San."

"Oh?" Kodama cast a significant look to Hikari, "Why's that?"

"Well, after…the incident," he waved vaguely at his hair, "she helped me…uhm, get clean. She was the one who gave me the hairband, the one you weren't happy with?" He looked back and got a nod of understanding, "Well, she made a joke about the way she got it. She asked someone in NERV for one, because Maya's hair isn't long enough to need one, and joked that it cost her twenty Yen." He shrugged, "I know it was a joke, but I told her I'd repay her, for that…and for being there when I first stepped into combat. Just, you know, handing her two ten Yen pieces seemed insufficient. So I told her I'd make her whatever she liked." Being responsible, Shinji was paying attention to where he was pushing the trolley, which meant he missed the increasingly significant looks Kodama was giving Hikari. "She asked for taco casserole," he laughed as he stopped at the section of the store dedicated for fish, "I would have done a lot more than that, if she asked."

"Hikari's a very _lucky_ lady to have a boyfriend who is so giving," Kodama's stare bored holes in the side of her sister's skull.

"Shinji," the tone in Hikari's voice caused him to turn completely around to face her, "I think I would like to take back something I said." Squaring her shoulders, she lightly clasped her hands before her. This wasn't what she thought she'd ever experience, and somehow it was already more than she'd ever dreamed of finding. Her sister was right, and it was time to act.

"O-ok," his hands spider-walked along the front of his slacks, "wh-what is that?"

Stepping forward, she took his hands in her own, bunching them into fists beneath her grip, "I don't want someone else," she began. "I don't _need_ someone else. I have you," she put her heart into each word. Moving his hands so that they held her, she pressed the assault, "Can I ask for something truly selfish?"

"S-sure," at the moment, he knew he'd give her anything in the world. He was ready to let her go, to pay for her future, to see at least one person escape the tragedies to come. Nothing she asked would hurt more than that, "If, uhm, if I can give it, I will."

Laying her hands on his chest, she pitched her voice so that nobody but the three present would hear, "Nobody else but me. I have never been so frightened as was in the train when I thought of you laying with another woman, of you being happy forever without me by your side. I…was selfish. I _am_ selfish. I'm not two people, and you are not only a third of an equation. The reality of my preference is that if you were a woman, I would love you just as much as I do now. And yes," she blushed, "I mean love. It's…foolish, it's illogical, it doesn't make sense, but I love you. And I'm selfish enough to beg you to be with me, and me alone."

"B-but," Shinji blinked, "I…I'm already with only you." He tried to walk backwards through their conversation, tried to find the point where he had made an error, "D-did I mess up? Sh-should I…not…I don't understand?"

"You know," a new voice interrupted the scene, "I had heard you were dating the piece of shit that hurt my sister." Toji sneered, "And here you are, cheating on him with this clown. White hair, what're you some otaku cosplayer? Used to think you were worth my time, 'Class Rep'," he heaped scorn on the title, "just another indecisive whore." The class jock stood near an endcap, his arms crossed. It was clear that he hadn't been sleeping well, and that if he had been visiting his younger sister it wasn't in clean clothing.

"Suzuhara-San," Shinji cut off Kodama's stunned outrage and Hikari's frustrated desire to leave the cart and continue her pleas elsewhere, "Hikari-Chan isn't cheating on me. I _am_ the pilot, something happened and…well I was changed. And I'm still very sorry that Sakura-Chan was hurt. If you want, I'll be visiting her tomorrow, you could come with us? See firsthand when I apologize."

Toji stepped back, disgust bunching his features together, "The fuck? You don't get to say her name, you fucking freak. You look like that other freak pilot now, you stay the fuck away from my sister." Forcing himself between Shinji and Hikari, he shoved her away and stood chest-to-chest with a man that was no longer a small, weak, coward. "You hear me?" Punching Shinji in the ribs, he barely budged the larger man.

Shinji Ikari, while capable of fighting, refused to fight the boy he had once called a friend. He could see Toji's frustrations, understand what it was that had motivated his actions. With understanding came sympathy, and with sympathy came tolerance. He had weathered Toji's blows without his added mass, without the protection of size or strength. He would weather them now, and hope that there could still be a peaceful resolution to the situation.

Kodama Horaki, however, tolerated no foolish arrogance or bullying behavior. Not to those she had promised her protection to, and certainly not to the man her sister had just declared her love for. Sliding behind the frustrated teen, she grabbed his wrist as he was drawing back to strike Shinji once more. With practiced ease, she twisted his arm into a painful lock, "That's enough! I don't know when you lost what little brains you had, Suzuhara, but you had best get walking before I decide to stop being polite."

As he helped Hikari up off the floor, Shinji winced when he saw Toji's eyes bug out of his head, Kodama's well-leveraged application of force preventing his would-be assailant from even crying out. "K-Kodama, it's ok, please, we can talk this out," gently grasping her arm, he urged her to release her grip, "he's just going through a difficult time right now. You can understand, right?"

Holding his arm behind his back for a few seconds longer, she rolled her eyes, "Fine." With a shove, she sent Toji stumbling away, "You're lucky, Suzuhara. If he didn't have such a good heart, I'd have let Hikari handle you." Turning back to her sister, she began to check for any harm that may have befallen the young woman who had bumped her head.

Shinji took the opportunity to try and help Toji to his feet, "Suzuhara-San, please, I don't want to fight. Tell me wha-" A fist connected solidly in his gut, the sudden impact jarring him, though not truly harming him. Forced to step back as Toji stood up to headbutt him, the next in a line of frustrations struck.

Hikari streaked between them, stabbing her loved one's assailant in the gut with an elbow, doubling him over. Smashing her curled toes into the inside of his knee, she forced him down to a kneeling position, the jock braced upright with only one hand. Stepping down hard on his hand with the foot she had used to unhinge his leg, she delivered a violent upward strike with her knee. His head swimming, her opponent was too stunned to react, and so she paused to glare balefully as she raised her hand, "I told my boyfriend that I would slap the next Toji Suzuhara that starts a pointless fight with my man so hard he'll swear the Amano line just ran him over. A Horaki keeps her word."

Shinji knew he could have stopped her. He wanted to, but his body seemed to be suddenly filled with lead. The cracking sound as her stiff-handed blow landed echoed in his mind, a grim satisfaction giving him pause. He caused this, all of this. _Why do I feel good?_ He startled at a soft touch on his arm, "Mikoto-San," recognizing the Section Two Agent, he tried to rally his thoughts to argue for leniency.

"Save it," the Agent whispered. "Nothing you say, nothing you do, is going to prevent what happens next. He sealed his fate with that second little love-tap." Making a show of checking him for damage, she kept her voice low, "I know you want to use your head. It's not a terrible thing to try to defuse situations instead of just wading in and beating people into place, but you need to brace yourself for what's coming when words fail. Ok? You're someone they look to for shelter, Shinji. That means being hard when you have to be."

"Get him out of here," Akane stood over a handcuffed Toji, addressing two other Agents that were approaching. "Holding pens until I get there, I'll contact his father. Again." Patting Hikari on the arm as her fallen opponent was dragged bodily away, "Nice moves, think you could maybe convince our principle to try them out?" The shorter of the two Agents gave Shinji a slightly chagrined look, "Let's finish the shopping up. I need to get you three home, start writing my reports."


	11. Chapter 11

+++++ 3rd Angel + 7 : Friday (8)

Shinji sat in his new room, having been sent there without preamble by Toshiro upon his return to his new home. Unable to assist in any regard, or provide his side of the encounter, he was left with dark thoughts circling his head. Toji wasn't like this before, the first fight was expected, if far earlier than he remembered. Sakura's injury was just as damaging to the mercurial jock's pride as it was to her body, and he needed an outlet for that aggression. But it was a combination of time, Sakura chewing his ear for striking Shinji, and Hikari taking him to task before that had given it to him. Now, he hadn't been to see his sister for whatever reason, Hikari was…violently opposed to him, and Toji was stuck without support or access to what he needed to move forward.

All of this started when he caught Hikari. Had he waited, not shown up until later…kept his head down. He'd still be living with Misato, she'd not have been punished for something he did, Hikari would be there for Toji. Toji needed comfort more than he did, his own life was destined for misery, he could find a way to…the Thirteenth. Falling backwards onto his bed, Shinji recalled the broken form of his one-time friend being pulled from the entry plug. Digging his fingers into the flesh beneath his eyes, Shinji groaned, "What am I supposed to do? How do I fix any of this?" A firm knock on his door reminded him that there were more immediate problems, "C-come in." He raised himself to a seated position, and braced for the inevitable.

Toshiro slid the door open quietly, stepping through and closing it just as silently, "I would like to begin with an apology." The big man held his hand up for patience, "I did not have the chance to explain my actions before I did what was necessary. Asking you to retire to your room was not intended as punishment, nor did I intend it to be quite as long as it has been before I came in to discuss with you today's events. As I said before you left, I want you to work with me to protect everyone. I do not see you as a child in need of direction, but as a lost soul in need of stability." Crossing to the desk that had been purchased to help fill out the new addition to the house, the big man settled his massive frame easily, "My daughters, however, are still my children. They still require direction, and will always be my primary focus. Sending you here was to remove distraction and chaos, so please, forgive me."

"I…of course," Shinji nodded, unable to see the connection between the various items.

"As pleased as I am that they would eagerly defend your person," he tried a different tactic, "I needed to give them the opportunity to explain themselves and their reasoning. You were, from Mikoto-Chan's perspective, never in any physical danger. Nor were you given an opportunity to properly finish your attempts at de-escalating the situation." He paused, motioning for Shinji to speak his mind.

"I just wanted him to see that I understood his frustrations," he leaned forward, eager to speak now that he had been given a chance to do so to a willing audience. "I put his sister in the hospital, I took the woman he's interested in away, Section Two got him suspended…he's not a bad person, he's just angry and doesn't have any way to focus that anger! He could be a good man if someone gave him a chance…."

"I see," Toshiro nodded. "Would you answer a few questions for me?"

"S-sure?"

"When the citywide alarm sounded for evacuation, where were you?"

"I…uhm," he tried to remember, "I was still on the rail line coming to Tokyo-3 from Nagano. By the time I arrived the Angel was already destroying sections of the old industrial district. I saw it, first hand, while waiting for Misato-San."

"As I was told," the big man seemed to consider the information. "How long was it before you arrived inside the Purple Guardian?"

"About…an hour? Maybe a little more?" Remembering that the order of events this time through was different, he walked through the timeline out loud, "I called Misato-San from a payphone, but the lines were all busy. She wasn't where we had arranged to meet, and I waited there for at least ten minutes before she pulled up. Then we drove another ten minutes, with a two or three-minute pause during the N-Two strike. Five minutes to ride the car elevator to the parking center. Then…twenty-five or so minutes with Misato-San walking around lost. Once Ritsuko-San found us, we spent five minutes riding the elevator to the gantries, the short confrontation with my father, a few minutes while they introduced me to Unit-01…maybe another four minutes while the Angel and I stood there staring at each other…." He had arrived much faster, even with the delays. Shopping for batteries and getting her car moving again the first time had taken close to half of an hour alone.

"So I know that I understand you correctly," Toshiro interjected into the pause, "from the time you arrived in Tokyo-3 to the time you engaged the Angel, it was at least one and a quarter hours? This does not include the, from what Section Two has explained, thirty-eight minutes between the alarm sounding and your arrival in the city." The patriarch of the Horaki clan spoke kindly when he made the damning point, "So the Suzuhara boy had nearly two hours in which to convey the most precious cargo he will ever be given to safety, and he instead lashes out at someone who had even less time to dispatch the monster? Two hours, Shinji, before you could even begin to protect us." His sorrow at the situation became evident on his features, "Sakura-Chan's injuries occurred because the Suzuhara boy did not heed the alarms. The debris that landed on her, did so before you were standing in Tokyo-3. Thirty-four minutes after the Angel's arrival. Four minutes before you stepped off the train."

"I-I…b-but I," Shinji's eyes twitched as his mind refused to accept that he wasn't culpable. "It has to be my fault, it's my job to protect everyone and I didn't protect her!" He slammed his fist down against the bed, "I didn't do my job!"

The big man stood, "Are you certain?" Crossing to the door, he slid it open, "Child, please come here." A few seconds later, Nozomi walked in and frowned when she saw how distraught Shinji had become. "Go sit with him, if you would."

Hurrying over, the little lady climbed up into Shinji's lap, pushing aside his hair and looking into his eyes, "What happened, nii-san?" Patting his face, then his shoulders, she moved with a practiced touch beyond her years, "Did that stupid boy hurt you?"

"I explained how it was that little Sakura-Chan came to be hurt," Toshiro sat back down at the desk. "Shinji refuses to believe that he is not at fault, he fears he did not do his job." Sighing, he looked to his youngest, "Were you harmed during the attack, child?"

"No," she shrugged. "Sensei herded us all into the shelter, carried Tanaka-Kun when the dork lost his shoe." She rocked back and forth slightly, "I was scared…but now that I know nii-san is the one who saved us all, it isn't so scary anymore."

"And why wasn't Sakura-Chan with you in school?"

"She was sick," Nozomi grimaced. "She said her stomach wasn't being very nice…I won't be rude and explain further."

"Where was the Suzuhara boy?"

"That stupid boy was at home because her daddy couldn't miss work. She told me that her brother left her alone in the bathroom, refused to help her when…well, her stomach was very upset." Nozomi's disquiet warred with her desire to be fully honest with her father's questions. "She told me she didn't hear the alarm. She was cleaning herself."

"How many of your classmates were hurt?"

"Just Tanaka-Kun, when he lost his shoe he skinned his knee. Big dork started a fuss over a scrape, I've had worse wrestling around with sis." She looked up to Shinji, "You did a good job, nii-san. If you hadn't beaten up that Angel, it could have broken one of the shelters, maybe even Hikari or Kodama's."

"Or, perhaps others," Toshiro left it unstated that the little girl in Shinji's lap was in just as much danger. "Thank you, Nozomi-Chan. Please return to your dinner."

"Are you sure?" She looked between her father and Shinji, "Nii-san seems like he needs hugs."

"He is learning a hard lesson, child. You know what that means."

"All right," she sighed. Twisting suddenly, she stood on the bed and pulled his face against her stomach in a tight embrace, "Daddy helps us learn because he loves us, ok? He's not trying to be mean, even if it feels that way sometimes." Hopping off the bed, she looked at her father, "Be nice, Daddy. Nii-san has had a very bad day."

"Of course, child. Now scoot." Waiting until the door was once more closed, Toshiro gauged Shinji's mood. He could see that the Third Child's mind was at war with itself, he also knew that he couldn't be aware of a tenth of what the young man was thinking. Shinji had secrets within secrets, as much as was splayed across his face there couldn't help but be hidden depths. "You kept Nozomi-Chan, her twenty-two fellow students, her teacher, the two other classes in her grade full of students, her school, the entire city, all safe. Nothing you could have done, Shinji Ikari, would have changed Sakura-Chan's fate. But I ask you this," he waited for the young man to look up, "what will you do now that you know the truth?"

"I…I don't know."

"Would you have struck him, had you known this?"

"No!" Shinji shook his head fiercely, "I don't want to hurt anyone, I'm supposed to be protecting them!"

"So why did you not protect your girlfriend, my daughter?" There was no ire in his voice, no anger or malice, just calm certitude.

"I-I…I…." He thought quickly back to the encounter, "I didn't…I didn't stop him from grabbing her." His mind soaked up the new burden eagerly, "I could have moved her aside, grabbed his arm…but that might have hurt him…."

"And so, instead, you allowed Hikari to come to harm."

"He wouldn't listen!" Shinji's fists clenched and unclenched rhythmically, once more processing his frustration at life.

"So you made the choice to do nothing," Toshiro pressed in on his point. "Allowing him to do what he would, despite having the capacity to prevent it."

"But I…I'd hurt him. I'm supposed to protect him too."

"Are you?" He tilted his head thoughtfully, "Does someone who adamantly refuses to accept responsibility for their own life, for the lives of those in their charge, deserve protection? Someone who would do evil to innocents because they refuse to accept reality? Should you not, instead, remove their responsibilities so that they may act like the child they would pretend to be? If necessary, their freedom?" His eyes locked Shinji in place, "If you are forced to choose between the Suzuhara boy and your _wife_ , would you do nothing and hope that no harm befell either?" The room darkened, "What if it were ten such boys? What if you knew that once they were no longer satisfied with your wife, they would go on to defile her sibling? Then once Kodama was not enough, Nozomi? Would you allow the depredations to continue simply because your _principles_ demand you do no physical harm?"

The cold iron jaws of logic crushed his chest, and Shinji could find no purchase to push them away. The darkened corridors of his mind dredged up imagined scenarios where Toji…. His arms drew rigid, the visions proceeding just as Toshiro had described them. Each disgusting, horrible, vile act clearly played out in the musician's fertile mind. Swallowing hard, he could scarcely force his voice to work, "I'm not supposed to hurt people. I know what it feels like to hurt, I'm supposed to be hurt, not others." There was no passion, no conviction, just the reality of his situation.

"You are supposed to defend those who can't defend themselves against those who won't control themselves," Toshiro countered firmly. "Against human or alien, Hundreds of meters tall or less than two, your _duty_ is to defend the defenseless. Your responsibility to guard those who shelter beneath your hand." He stood, "What would you do, Shinji Ikari, if I were to tell you that I intend to go out and beat my daughters?"

He blinked, "I-I'd stand between you."

"Do so," Toshiro gestured to the space between him and the door. "On your feet, Pilot."

Shinji moved into place, "B-but you won't," he frowned as he held his arms out.

"Won't I?" Toshiro swatted him aside, sending him careening into the reinforced wall, "Is this the limit of your convictions, Pilot?" He stepped back, "Now, stop hiding your strength. On your feet."

Shinji climbed slowly to his feet, awareness of the lack of pain confusing him. He had been struck hard enough to send him flying, and there was no pain. Once more interposing himself between the big man and the door, Shinji set himself. The second swat caused him to stumble, work to keep his footing, but did not send him flying. The third swat nearly dropped him to his knees, his reflexive urge to avoid pain combining forces with the urge to not allow someone to harm themselves on him.

"You are stronger than you know," Toshiro stared impassively at the young man he knew in his heart his daughter would one day soon marry. "But strength without purpose, without conviction, is so much fluff." Drawing his elbows in, he set his broad chest for impact, "Now strike me."

"I-"

"Strike me, or I will go through you and strike one of my children at random until you do," his voice never changed timbre, "and remember what my daughter said. A Horaki keeps their word." Watching Shinji bunch his fist up, as amateurishly done as he had feared, he shook his head, "And do not hold back. If you damage me, the fault is mine. I have been shot, stabbed, bludgeoned with all manner of tools and construction materials. If you have within yourself the ability to do me permanent damage, it is all the more important that I see it firsthand. Now strike me, or I will go through you and do what I must to force you to."

 _Don't fight the changes._ Shinji thought back to the Fourteenth Angel, how it felt when Unit-01 dealt the first crushing blow of its engagement. The shift in power, in weight, how his body had moved when he was so terrified that Misato was about to be killed by his inaction, by his…by his running away. _You have been marked, Shinji._ His body moved, liquid, fluidly as if he were made of water. He stepped into the punch, curling his trailing leg to spring forth, stomping with his leading foot as if he intended to break the floor beneath him, and when his fist contacted Toshiro it hit like a tidal wave obliterating the shore.

The woosh of Toshiro's breath was emphatic, the big man dropped heavily to the floor, landing on his rear and coughing as his body adjusted itself back to normal. "That," he laughed, "was acceptable." With a broad smile, he held a hand out, "Help an old man up, will you?"

Shinji was shocked, as his body worked mechanically towards placing Toshiro back on his base, he couldn't believe that he had not only struck the mountain of human, but had done so hard enough to drive him to the floor. "I-I'm so sorry," his mind regained traction and control, "I…you, you told…and hitting you…."

"You did as I asked, lad," Toshiro clapped him on the shoulder. The blow might have staggered someone else, and might once have staggered Shinji himself, but he was too focused on the potential harm to the man keeping a roof over his head to notice and react as he would normally. "Now, we need to teach you how to harness that strength, to tune it appropriately."

"I…I would have really hurt someone his size," he shook his head, "I can't hit people like that!"

"Unless you need to, to save someone, no you shouldn't hit someone like that." The big man gestured for Shinji to leave the room, following behind him, "Appropriate use of the tools at your disposal, Shinji, is the difference between a bully and a guardian. You should attempt words first, make an earnest effort to convince the people around you not to come to blows."

Hikari rose from her seat on the couch, where she had been patiently watching the door and hoping to see her boyfriend since her father had finished interrogating her, "But if you must use force, be decisive. Do not hesitate, do not allow for retribution." She smiled sadly, "We've heard the same quote from Daddy all our lives, Shinji."

With a gentle shove, Toshiro pushed Shinji towards his daughter, "Hikari's first fight ended with several bruises she would not have needed to endure, had she remembered the lesson the first time."

Hikari stepped into Shinji's stumble, catching him and using the excuse for a warm embrace, "I was lucky Kodama was nearby. Getting kicked in the ribs hurts." Allowing him space, reluctantly, she gathered his hands in her own, "Let's make those brownies. Sakura-Chan needs some happiness in her life right now, and you need a chance to think through what Daddy talked to you about." Her eyes glittered, "And Daddy needs a chance to sneak the barbecue corn chips you bought him upstairs where he thinks we won't know he has them."

+++++ 3rd Angel + 8 : Saturday (9)

School finally over after an unremarkable half-day, Hikari and Shinji walked to the station where they were to meet Nozomi. "I'm glad you hit him, Shinji," the freckle-faced young woman smiled easily. "Daddy's right," bumping him lightly with her shoulder, she giggled, "you aren't a bully. You couldn't be a bully, you try too hard to protect everyone. But you need to learn to protect yourself. I trust you not to become a monster, I trust that you'd only use it to defend people."

"Are…are you sure?" He loved having her on his arm, he loved how it felt when she said she trusted him, but he couldn't understand how she could possibly trust him when he was capable of such violence, "I mean…I want to protect everyone, but…."

"And what part of protecting everyone means you don't also use force? We don't live in a world where words alone sway everyone." She held out her dainty fist, "I haven't had to use force in years. Almost a decade, in fact. I'm very glad I take time to practice, though. Because I will not stand there and let someone hurt someone I love. Maybe now, that idiot will get the message."

Nozomi caught sight of them as they rounded the corner and started bouncing, waving happily, "Nii-San! Nee-Chan! Hurry, the trolley's coming!" Her enthusiasm for the outing warmed Shinji's heart, the simple joy a reflection of the knowledge that he was causing it.

"I didn't bring my runn-oh my!" Hikari gasped as Shinji scooped her into a bridal carry and dashed the remaining hundred meters. Nozomi jumped onto the newly-arrived car, standing to the side as her declared older brother hopped the last step coming to a halt. Back on her own two feet, the freckle-faced beauty laughed, "Ok, I guess your Nii-San has it under control."

"S-sorry," he blushed, looking down. "I…uhm, I just-" The idea had struck him, and without thinking he had given in to the impulse. "You're so light, and…well…." Nozomi laughed and started looking at the passing scenery. Her attention span dented heavily by the half day of enforced studiousness at her own school.

"Don't worry," Hikari patted his chest happily. "You've already swept me off my feet metaphorically, I guess it was just time you did it physically too." Her eyes glittered as she grinned happily, "Thank you. For coming today, Nozomi's been looking forward to it."

"Well," he looked to the young girl seated before them, "anything for my imōto." The happiness he felt at that simple statement surprised even him.

"Careful now," Hikari whispered into his chest, "talk like that's going to set me to looking for wedding dresses."

Shinji shivered involuntarily, his mind flooded with visions of her seated atop him, her grand marital kimono spread around his lap as she moaned his…. Swallowing heavily, he tried to blank out the thought, uncertain as to where it had suddenly come from, "S-sorry." The imagery in his mind, however, was transparent to the woman he loved.

She looked up at him, her eyes luminous, "Never apologize for thinking of me like that. You, Shinji, are the only man who will never have to apologize for that, if I have my way."

"I-it's obvious…isn't it?"

"It's like I told you, your instruction manual's pretty visible," bouncing off him as the train car slowed rapidly, she giggled. "Which makes maintenance a breeze."

"Heh," he laughed at the image of her opening his head and working with wrenches to 'fix' him, "I guess you'll be the grease-monkey in our relationship then."

"Only for you, Shinji. Only for you."

The doors opened, and Shinji knelt down after exiting on another whim, "Want your Nii-San to give you a ride, Nozomi-Chan?"

"Yay!" The little girl clambered onto his shoulders seating herself astride his neck, her weight posing even less of a challenge to lift than Hikari had, "Onward, my noble steed! We go to rescue the fair maiden in the evil castle!" Hikari took Shinji's hand, mouthing a 'thank you' to him as they set out.

The hospital wasn't in bad condition, at least from the outside. It didn't seem as 'modern' as the same building in NERV's area of the GeoFront, but it also didn't have a multi-trillion-yen advantage. As they climbed the steps to the main entryway, Nozomi waved in friendly greeting to several passing nurses and elderly patients. With one hand taken by Hikari, and the other firmly grasping his passenger's ankle, all Shinji could do was nod slightly in greeting. It was odd, being seen and greeted, the looks he received a mixture of curious and easy-going. He knew his hair was untraditional, and if Nozomi was already this popular there would be concerns about him carrying her on his shoulders, but none of the passers-by seemed to be anxious, so he kept on as if nothing was wrong.

The woman at the check-in desk tittered a laugh at Nozomi, "Hello Nozomi-Chan, I see you managed to bring other visitors today."

"Yep yep! This is my Nee-Chan, Hikari," Hikari bowed in greeting. "And my noble steed! His name is Shinji."

Shinji inclined his head, "Thank you for taking care of Nozomi-Chan, ma'am."

"She's a joy to know, Shinji-Kun." The older woman handed the clipboard to Hikari, "Would you mind signing for everyone? I wouldn't want to unbalance your little sister."

"Of course, ma'am," Hikari filled the boxes in with a clear, flowing, script. "Do we have enough time for an extended visit, or will visiting hours be over soon?"

"You have a few hours yet, Hikari-Chan. And thank you, all of you, for visiting Sakura-Chan. The little ones don't have nearly enough to occupy their time, and visitors at or near their own age are invaluable for the healing process." Taking the clipboard back, she checked the names, "Ikari?"

"Ma'am?" Shinji answered reflexively.

"N-no, nothing." She smiled, a practiced motion, "Please, enjoy your visit."

"This way," Nozomi patted his temple, waving her hand before his eyes in the intended direction, "we gotta go up!"

"Well then," Shinji knelt, "why don't you climb off and lead the way. Don't want to accidentally hit your head on anything."

Sliding off, Nozomi led them onward. Preferring the stairs over the elevators, she resembled a mountain goat as she clambered up the staircases. Hikari hung behind Shinji, letting him find a balance between keeping his eyes averted from Nozomi's unaware displays and awareness of the placement of his footing. It wasn't that she minded him sneaking a look under her own skirt, but she knew he'd mind, and that was all the reason she needed.

Five flights later, they arrived at the hall door, with Nozomi bracing the heavy fire-door open, "This way," her voice was respectfully lowered. "Third door on the right, past the new mom with the broken hip and the empty room with the bad ceiling." Waiting for Shinji to take the door from her, she smiled as he held it for both her and Hikari. She wasn't oblivious to propriety, but this was the man that would one day be her older brother in truth. If he saw up her skirt, so what? She was his self-declared imōto, it would be like seeing a toy doll.

As the trio approached the target door, Shinji tensed. He was about to see the young woman that he put in here. _You didn't, Toshiro explained it to you in very concise detail._ Even though he won, this was the price of victory. _She's alive because you won._ How many, just like this, did he not know about? How many people were hurt because he couldn't defeat the Angel outside of the city? She'd hate him. She'd-

"Steady," Hikari swung in front of him, holding his elbows and looking calmly into his eyes. "You're fine. She's _alive_ because of you. Nothing you did or did not do, caused or could have prevented this. Maya-San said, expressly, that you hurried everything along. That it was you, not anyone else, that prevented more time from being wasted. Sakura-Chan needs a hero, she needs someone that's going to show her hope. You're my Sub-Rep. So I need you to put on your fake smile, go in there, and take care of our kohai. Can you help me, Shinji?"

Clenching his jaw, he swallowed the reflexive denial, "I'll…I'll try my best." _I mustn't run away._

"I know you will. You're my boyfriend," standing on her toes, she kissed him lightly. "Now, let's go Nozomi."

"Hai!" The little girl smiled in understanding, "She isn't mad, Shinji. She's not mad at all." Pushing the door open, she knocked, "Sakura? You awake?" The antechamber had the privacy curtain drawn, so she waved everyone in to let the door close behind them.

A cheery, if slightly tired, voice called back, "Hi, Nozomi. I heard voices, is one of the doctors here?"

"Better," she peeked in, making sure her friend wasn't indecent. Seeing that all was clear, she threw open the curtain and dramatically announced, "I present to you the hottest couple in all of Tokyo-Three, Hikari Horaki and Shinji Ikari!"

"Hi, Sakura-Chan," Hikari's smile was glowing, "thought we'd stop in and check how you're doing."

Shinji caught himself about to bow and beg for her forgiveness, the sight of the bed-ridden youth overwhelming him. He could see the medical braces through the sheet, knew the pain that she had to be in. _Fake the smile, you useless fuck. She is here because nobody cared, so you go in there and you lie your ass off. If_ anyone _deserves an effort it is this little girl._ "I hope we haven't caught you at a bad time, Suzuhara-Chan. We brought a gift, though, so maybe that will make up for it." Walking over, his strides matching Unit-01's powerful gait, he sat down as he reached into his bag and pulled out the lacquered box of brownies, handing it to her with a gentle smile.

"Oh me, oh my," Sakura blushed, "you…you really didn't have to Ikari-San."

"Please, just Shinji. I've spent my fair share of time in hospitals, and if there's one thing I know for certain, it's that the food has a blandness to it that grates after a day or so. Go on," he rolled his hand, "it's all yours."

Opening the lid, she gasped, "B-brownies? Hikari-San, did…?"

"Oh no," Hikari swung her arms around Shinji's shoulders, hugging him against her chest, "Shinji made these. When he heard that you wanted to see him, he came up with the idea and the execution all on his own."

"I hope you enjoy them," he added quietly. "If you should like something else, I'll see what I can do to make it for you. I'm very sorry that you were hurt, Suzuhara-Chan. I want you to know that just like Nozomi-Chan, I'm pulling for you."

"We all are," Hikari nodded. "Go on, he wouldn't let anyone else try one. We want to know how he did."

Sakura's eyes widened, "Y-you didn't?"

"I made them for you," he shrugged. "It wouldn't be right to give your gift to someone else. Not even my girlfriend," he patted Hikari's hand.

Hefting one out of the box, the tremble in her hand forced Shinji's back rigid. When she put it on her lips, and bit down, the way her eyes relaxed and her cheeks blushed, she looked momentarily far older than her years. "They're wonderful," she breathed. "Oh me, oh my, I haven't had anything homemade like this in forever. Not if I didn't make it myself." The smile she cast at him broke his heart, "Thank you Ik…Shinji-San." Setting the uneaten portion back in the box, she closed it, "I'm going to pace myself. I don't want to eat them all now and have none for later."

Shinji cautiously swallowed, pushing his anger and self-loathing deep down, "When you run out, you let Nozomi-Chan know. I'll send something else up with her. I'd visit more often, but…."

"You have to save the city," she nodded. "I, I really didn't expect you to visit at all."

"Hey," Nozomi pouted, "I told you I'd bring him!"

"Well," she looked down, "…Toji swore he wouldn't."

"Suzuhara-San doesn't know Shinji as well as he thinks," Hikari stated diplomatically.

"Hikari-San," the little girl blinked back tears, "I…I'm glad you're not dating him." She hiccupped, her face screwing up, "He…he doesn't…."

Shinji flexed his hands, trying to stop them from bunching into fists. Her brother was hurting her. Getting in fights, running around like an idiot. "Excuse me," he stood up, she wouldn't want a stranger to see her cry like this. "I need to go call NERV, make sure everything's ok."

Hikari nodded in understanding, moving to take Shinji's seat and begin to comfort the young girl.

Stepping out into the hall, Shinji pulled out his phone, punching in Misato's cellphone number with more force than necessary.

The line connected quickly, "Shinji?"

"Misato-San," he kept his voice down, "I need a favor. I know I don't have any right to-"

"No, no," she cut in. "Favor me, what can I do? I've been trying to think of when to contact you, but…well, never mind, what do you need?"

"Toji Suzuhara. I know you're closer to Section Two than Maya-San or Ritsuko-San are, even if you don't get along with them. After our…well, I guess fight, what happened to him?"

"Ok…why?" She sighed, "Shinji, he tried to beat you up. He was caught on tape, again. NERV isn't in the habit of letting that kind of stuff slide. This is twice he's tried something."

"I'm in the hospital visiting his little sister, Misato." He dropped the suffix, hoping she'd understand exactly how desperate he was, "She needs her family, and he needs to see what his idiocy is costing him."

"Shinji-"

"Misato, I know _exactly_ how it feels to be all alone and hurting. I'm not expecting you to get him off without punishment, I just want him to visit his sister. I want him to see how much she misses him, needs him. For her. Please, I'll pay you back…somehow."

The line was quiet for a moment, "Ok. I'll see what I can do."

"Thank you." He looked at the time, "I'll let you go, we'll talk more after my simulation training."

"Shinji?"

He pulled the phone back up to his ear, "Yeah?"

"I kind of miss you, too."

Before he could respond, the line went dead. Looking at the 'call disconnected' screen, he frowned. There was nothing he could do. If he moved back in with her, he'd hurt everyone he lived with now. If he stayed away, he was hurting Misato. Maybe he could visit. But why would someone who'd only known him a week want to visit with a boy half…ten years her junior. 2018? Was it really somehow the future, despite being the past?

"Excuse me," a low voice sounded from behind him.

Turning around, Shinji expected to see a doctor, or someone upset that he was using a phone in the hall. Instead, he saw…an older Toji. "I'm sorry," he bowed stepping to the side.

"No, no," the man smiled weakly. "I should apologize. I…overheard your conversation just now."

"Oh."

"My son," the man clasped his hands behind his back, "takes after his mother. He's very headstrong, prone to acting before thinking things through. And when he feels someone has wronged his family, he's nearly completely unreasonable."

"I-I'm sorry," Shinji bowed again, deeper. "If I was-"

"If you were faster, it wouldn't have mattered. The damage was done before the Purple Guardian was deployed. If you were stronger, the monster would still have been defeated." He looked at the room, "And if you were less of a man you wouldn't be here begging your superiors for my idiot eldest child to be given the freedom to see his sister. Please, Ikari-San, don't bow to me." He waited for Shinji to slowly raise himself upright, "I should be the one begging you for forgiveness. Twice, he attacked you. And to look at you, it's clear that he was allowed to leave intact the second time only by your patience."

"He…he's only trying-"

"No," the man cut him off with a gesture. "He is a disgrace, Ikari-San. Not only did I give him a piece of my mind when I saw the first tape, but so did little Sakura-Chan. I…haven't shown her the second."

"Please don't," Shinji closed his eyes in pain. "She doesn't need to see that."

"Only until she's out of the hospital," the elder Suzuhara sighed. "She needs to know what he did. She needs to see what she should avoid, in the future." He gestured to the door, "Did little Nozomi-Chan bring you?" Shinji nodded. "Let's go back in, I'd like her to know that I'm here."

Shinji trailed him back inside, hoping that the little lady was done crying. He'd stand, silent, in the corner if she had yet to finish.

When she saw her father, she sniffled, "Papa." Hikari was perched on the bed, stroking her hair. Nozomi was on the far side, closer to the window, holding her hand.

"Oh my," Suzuhara-San groaned in mock-disdain. "Were you watering the bed flowers again?"

"I was," she smiled sadly. "Hikari-San and Nozomi-Chan were here to help stop me from overwatering them."

"Thank you, ladies," he bowed slightly. "It is good to see you, Hikari-Chan. Please send your father my regards."

"Of course, Suzuhara-San," Hikari stood, moving clear so that Sakura could be with her father. Subtly gesturing, she asked for Shinji to move to the end of the bed so she could stand by him. Once he was in place, she took his arm and held onto it. "Sakura-Chan asked for gingersnap cookies, if you wouldn't mind, Shinji?"

The realization was quick: She was clearing things up with Toji's father. "Of course," he smiled broadly. "Would you like them soon, or would you like to work through what you have first, Sakura-Chan? Your choice."

"He made me brownies, papa!" Sakura's happy laugh was a bit soggy, "Hikari-San and Nozomi-Chan swore on the stones that he made them himself." Reaching over to the bedtable, she lifted the box, her arms shaking as she strained.

The big man scooped the box up, saving any potential accidents, "That was very nice of him, Sakura-Chan. Did you say 'thank you'?"

"She did," Shinji asserted softly. "And it is nothing, truly. We're all pulling for her, sir."

Hikari felt his quiver, knew he was fighting to stay upright. She could almost smell his regret, the sorrow eating away at him, "Why don't we make those cookies together, Shinji? I'd like to help with the supplies, at least."

"He threw away a golden chance, Hikari-Chan," the elder Suzuhara smiled, "but I congratulate you on finding someone far better. Ikari-San, would you mind waiting a week before sending in the next batch? I don't want to seem overbearing, but she is on a recovery profile."

"Of course, sir." Shinji inclined his head, "I wouldn't want to be the reason for her recovery being delayed."

"On the contrary," the man stroked his daughter's hair. "I believe you'll be the reason her recovery is accelerated."

+++++ 3rd Angel + 8 : Saturday (9)

"You're serious?!" Hikari's deadpan statement was just loud enough to cause Nozomi to stir from her sleep in Shinji's lap briefly. "Why on Earth would you do that, Shinji?"

"Because it's what she needs, and it could help him," he knew he was in the right. "Throwing him in NERV's jail for a couple of months isn't going to do anyone any good. If he doesn't graduate school, how is he going to find a job? If Sakura-Chan needs someone to care for her, and he can't get a job to support her because nobody tried to get him help, then what?"

"Shinji, if they let him out he could decide to just come after you again."

"And my girlfriend is the lead Sentai Ranger," he smiled sadly. "Besides, when he hit me it didn't hurt, Hikari. Between you and Kodama I'm not incredibly worried that he'll be able to do anything dangerous." Moving a stray hair that had begun to assault the passenger on his lap's lips, he sighed, "The only other option I thought of was taking her in myself."

"I…had thought of that, too," Hikari deflated. "I've known Sakura since she was born. I changed her diapers, fed her formula, watched her grow and play with Nozomi." Tears built up in her eyes, threatening to break free, "Shinji, I nearly let myself date a man that…Toji let Sakura get hurt because he was _lazy_. What kind of person does that make me?" Laying in a way that didn't crowd out Nozomi, the freckle-faced beauty cuddled against her boyfriend. The couch was perfect for such things, and she had long wanted to make use of it that way. That her younger sister was asleep didn't prevent a thing, it simply showed her what she had gained in Shinji that he held her sister so tenderly.

"You were just lonely," he worked his arm around so that he could run his hand around Hikari's elbow, trying to convey the sense of comfort to her that he himself was feeling. "I know how that feels, believe me. If you're lonely enough…even suffering through someone shrieking invectives and decrying your every action seems better than enduring another day alone."

She snorted, too down on her own actions to accept his dismissal so easily, "How is it that you don't know about the historical dramas, but you know about the Sentai series?"

 _Because Toji wouldn't shut up about them._ "I…uhm, I overheard a guy from class talking about them. Was curious, so I looked it up. Seems…well, it seems like something that I wouldn't have been terribly fascinated by. The comparison seems apt, though. They fight to protect everyone, and they struggle to maintain their personal life while fighting against those that want to hurt everyone. So, my girlfriend: The Red Ranger."

She schooled her voice, wanting to seem upbeat even though she felt nothing of the sort, "You are a silly man, Shinji Ikari." A single tear escaped, unseen by the man that held her tight, "And I love you all the more for it."


	12. Chapter 12

+++++ 3rd Angel + 9 Sunday (10)

"They don't move right, Maya-San," Shinji slumped Unit-01 forward, allowing the arms to dangle as he pantomimed the awkward-looking, fluid, motions of the Angel as he remembered it. "It focused its attention on two limbs at once, either its legs or its arms." Shambling around, then stopping to use his arms like a marionette, he demonstrated the effects he described, "I'm not saying that the combat simulation isn't useful, a two-on-one situation is something I should train for." _With Asuka, for a week._ "But you asked if the Angel was acting right, and that's…well, that's what I saw." His voice ran out of steam as he realized he was criticizing someone, "Sorry."

"No," Maya was typing everything he said out into a notepad, "no apologies, Shinji-Kun! This is great!" Pausing to take another bite of her home-made western meal, she swayed happily in her seat, "And the lunch is great too. It tastes good, but I know I'm going to have to work out twice as hard. No wonder obesity was a huge problem pre-Impact, if this was how they normally ate."

Misato, feeling slightly jealous that her former ward had made a special meal for another woman that did nothing to protect him, and yet had brought her nothing, tapped her pen against her console, "I'd like you to proceed, Shinji. You need more repetitions to get the movements and evasions down pat. Remember, combat isn't about action alone, it's about reaction too. Muscle memory saves lives."

"Yes, ma'am," Shinji nodded, bringing the purple titan back into a combat ready stance. "Whenever you're ready, Aoba-San."

"Just Shigeru, Shinji-Kun. If you're friends with one of us, you're friends with all three," he playfully shoved Maya where Shinji would see the motion. "And a happy Maya-San makes the work much easier on everyone here. Ok, you're go in five, four, three," he tapped the last two beats silently and keyed the sequence to start once more.

Unit-01, now in perfect synchronicity with its Pilot, turned and took several hops backwards to prevent either copy of the Third Angel from having an unopposed chance at his back. Knowing that the giant power cord stored there would be a damning loss, the memory of his fight with the Fourteenth Angel a glaring reminder, he focused on learning how he could maneuver to both protect it and still engage the enemy.

The bridge's microphones were now all tied to Misato's to prevent a repeat of the previous day, so when she muted the connection all lights turned red, "How long will it take to change the way they move to come closer to what he feels is 'realistic'?"

Ritsuko sat drinking the soup Shinji had made her, lost in her own thoughts. The brilliant scientist's response was therefore vague, as it didn't merit much in the way of processing power, "Depends." She did _not_ want to make brutal, passionate, love to Shinji. He was far too young for her, he already had a wonderful girlfriend, who she also did not want to find a way to bury her head between the legs of, all of this was just the result of her not finding anyone…more appropriate.

Sipping her meal, she savored the simple mixture he had provided. Somehow he had known her favorite, or had just made another incredibly lucky guess, and it was phenomenal. How Gendo Ikari had managed to be a part of producing someone so completely unlike Gendo Ikari gave rise to so many pertinent questions. Was 'Nurture' truly that much weaker than 'Nature'? Did the Commander of NERV have a much softer, kinder, side that simply withered and died when Yui Ikari was tragically absorbed into the crime against nature Shinji piloted with such skill? _How would it feel to be held down as those blue eyes smiled down at her, that gorgeous shock white hair swaying as he…._

"Ritsuko!" Misato stomped on the leg of her suddenly flighty friend's chair, forcing the seat back onto all four legs and startling the faux-blonde out of her reverie, "What has you so distracted? You insisted that you be here to observe, and all you're observing is the inside of that thermos."

Embarrassment flooded her mind, "I'm simply trying to find ways to provide the output that Shinji needs. I'm sorry if that means I can't listen to you whine about everything else." Glaring at her off-and-on friend, Ritsuko stood and replaced the cap on her soup, "I'm going to be in my lab working, tell him that so long as he records what he does with Horaki-San for combat training, I'll consider his physical fitness requirement met."

Scowling, confused, Misato looked over to Maya, who simply shrugged in confusion herself and turned back to watch Shinji demonstrate a capacity for combat that had the young technician's mind alight with her own questions. "Touch my food and pull away stumps," she defended her meal from Makoto and Shigeru's subtle encroaching cutlery with a single, calm, threat. "You want food, you make friends with him or find a date." The Bridge Bunnies were a united front, but border conflicts between friendly neighbors were inevitable, and the nation of Ibuki reigned supreme.

+++++ 3rd Angel + 9 : Sunday (10)

"He has skill," Gendo watched the highlights from the day's combat simulation begin its loop again.

"We may have a chance of pulling this off after all," Kozo smiled.

"And our problem in Nagano?"

The old Professor's smile dropped immediately, "Resolved. There were…issues…found. As you know, the reports we were receiving from the gentleman weren't entirely forthcoming. The Agents that arrested him reported…pictures. They have been filed, though I would caution against looking at them."

"Was he exposed to this issue?"

"Not to my knowledge. I have seen the signs in enough people in those situations, he shows none of the classic symptoms. His fugue states, and what he uttered during the one I witnessed, seems to simply indicate a confusion about his place in the world. Any abuse was the absence of engagement and lack of appropriate socialization." Kozo grimaced, "As loathe as I am to bring up the topic-"

"No," Gendo shook his head. "We will trust in Lieutenant Ibuki and Doctor Akagi. They have his trust, and we know their loyalties. If he has any issues, he will bring them up to those two. We gain nothing by increasing his exposure to uncontrolled inquiries. How goes the progress of the First?"

The topic had been concluded, and Kozo knew better than to try and argue the point. He had gained territory, and accepted that consolidation for now was the best strategy. "Her recovery has been stymied, this new recalcitrance, for example…."

+++++ 3rd Angel + 9 : Sunday (10)

"Come in," Misato kept her eyes on the forms she signed. The paperwork seemed never-ending, and if she wasn't cautious she would have to make another special trip to the incinerator, and then to HR to ask for another copy that she could sign in the correct spot.

"Am…uhm, am I interrupting?" Shinji stood in her doorway, a small box in his hands and his backpack slung over his shoulder. "If now's not a good time?"

"No!" Misato slapped her pen down, a feeling of elation working its way down her spine. She didn't have to awkwardly find a way to stop by his house, now, "I was hoping that I could catch you before you left, but…paperwork," she waved her hand around the desk.

"You have a very important job, Misato-San," crossing the distance as if passing through a minefield, he tentatively held out the box. "I made you a lunch, but I couldn't find you to deliver it before I had to start the exercises."

Despite her excitement, the violet-haired warrior gently retrieved her gift, rather than rip it free from his grasp. _He hadn't forgotten about me, hadn't asked me for help only to forget that I had needs too._ In truth, she was afraid that he'd take it back once she gave him the bad news, and so she set it down on the desk before her. _I have to be a better person, if I ever want him to see me as someone he trusts. I can't…I can't be selfish anymore._ "I'm glad you came and found me, Shinji." She grimaced, "I'm afraid I can't help you with the Suzuhara situation. Section Two has orders from above me, and I was told that any inquiries beyond what I had already done would have to go directly to the Commander." Looking at the lunch, then back at her former ward, she inclined her head, "I'm sorry."

His father. The strap on his bag, an odd canvas and leather military accessory that Toshiro insisted he carry, creaked as Shinji's fist clenched around it. "Thank you for trying." _I should go see him._ Which 'him' he referred to got hazy as his anger swirled around his mind. He'd love to strike his father the way Toshiro insisted he hit him, and maybe if he saw Toji where the young man couldn't use his fists he'd be more willing to listen to him. _Maybe I could ask why he didn't listen to the alarm._

"He's been moved out of the city," Misato continued. "Where, I don't know. All I know is Section Two is detaining him for 'security reasons related to the Evangelion Project'." Taking a deep breath, she gestured to the offering on her table, "If…you don't want to give me that, I'll understand."

"Wh-what?" Shinji blinked, "N-no, Misato-San, I made that for you. Please, I'll be happier knowing that you get the occasional healthy meal." _They wouldn't still use him as the Fourth Child, that…they'd throw him in jail for a punch I didn't even feel, but they'd still keep him around so they could give him a damn Eva?!_ His confusion, worry, and budding anger all vied for dominance of his features, and colored his words as he once more urged his former guardian to eat, "Please, Misato, eat. I…I need to go."

"Shinji," she called as he turned, "wait!"

He paused with his hand on the door, "I…uhm, I'm supposed to meet Hikari-San. I-I really need to go."

"Just one minute," Misato stood, moving around her desk to stand by him, "I just wanted to let you know…I was serious. I know I messed up, and I know that we didn't end our short time together on the best note, but if you ever, _ever_ , have anything you need to talk about…if you don't feel you can talk about it to someone else, please? I want to be someone you can trust. My promise stands, so long as it doesn't threaten our fight against the Angels, or your safety, my lips are sealed."

His shoulders relaxed slightly as a tension he didn't know he was holding released inside of him, "Th-thank you." He turned his head towards her the barest amount, "I…I don't blame you. If I had been more honest, maybe things could have been different."

"We, Shinji," she reached out and tugged on his sleeve, offering him a hug. Taking his head dropping slightly as an invitation, she stepped up and wrapped her arms around him, "We should have been more honest. I won't let you take away my responsibility for what happened, you have enough of your own to deal with to go adding mine." Stepping back, she hit him with that million-megawatt smile that she couldn't know he missed so dearly, "So, one last bit of advice from your big sis?" He nodded slowly. "Don't let Hikari-Chan escape. On your date today, even if it's hard to do it, tell her how you really feel." She cuffed his shoulder, "I can see you really like her, and if you know in here," her finger tapped over his heart, "that she's the one? Tell her. It's how the worst, best, relationship I ever had failed. He wouldn't tell me three simple words, and I wouldn't put up with his issues for anything less."

 _Big sis…._ If she didn't hate him…they weren't good for each other, not as housemates. But he accepted that he had powerful feelings for her, even if they were muddled by their twin insecurities. Maybe now that they had a comfortable distance forced between them…maybe they could have a better relationship than ever, "Well, uhm…I should trust my nee-san, shouldn't I?" _Mister Kaji had best not hurt her again. No matter how key he was in my second chance._

"I'll try not to abuse that trust ever again," she smoothed out his clothes, "now go on. It's rude to keep a lady waiting."

+++++ 3rd Angel + 9 : Sunday (10)

As Shinji approached the small fountain where he was to meet Hikari, he noticed his girlfriend speaking in English to two women that appeared lost. He paused in the shade of a nearby tree, not wanting to distract her as she helped them trace a route on an old foldout map of the national railways. _Tell her how I feel?_ At the moment, he felt that she was an oasis in the midst of a blazing desert. Except he didn't want to continue on after resting, he wanted to build a city around her. He wanted to construct shrines, conduct media advertisement campaigns singing her glories. What the Horaki family had offered him, what they continued to do for him, to no gain of their own…how could he express that and not sound like a narcissistic lunatic? He couldn't just turn to her and say, 'I want to spend forever with you, but you and your family need to take this money and find somewhere to hide on the other side of the planet. I hear New Boston is nice.'.

He sighed in frustrated irritation, "Am I just destined to be too weak to save anyone?" Standing between the two ladies she assisted, with a poise and grace that he both admired and envied, the woman he never knew he wanted but now that he had didn't know how to let go of caught sight of him and nodded slightly. He knew she appreciated his nature, and while some men might have simply joined in to offer what help they could, or take over and 'do it right', she understood that he would rather avoid anyone and everyone else whenever he was able to.

From her position, the Class Rep mentally groaned. As much as she wanted to call over to Shinji and have him come provide her an opening to move the two ladies onward. Or as much as she wished that he were the kind of man that would come over and calmly wrap his arm around her shoulders so that while she was doing what she should do, she could also do what she wanted to, the man she intended to marry was quite a number of years away from being strong enough to do that. "So, these two lines connect here," she pressed on in the tourists' native tongue, "over to our north." When both ladies inevitably turned south, spying Shinji and freezing, Hikari made the least bad decision available, "Shinji!" Switching to Japanese and the Okinawan sub-dialect her mother had used almost exclusively, "Why don't ya come over heah befah these two does something unfortunate, ne?" Trusting that the women's limited Japanese wouldn't have covered Okinawan, her tone was light and welcoming, despite the words being anything but.

"Oh, uhm," carrying his rucksack, Shinji bowed slightly in greeting as he gave the two women a wide birth. Once he was safely by his intended, he looked at the railway map that had gone taut between the two women's grasp, "North," he pointed in the appropriate direction. "You should go two blocks," he made sure they were looking where he was pointing, "that way." His English wasn't immaculate, but the words came unbidden to him as he needed them.

"Oh my God, Mary," the shorter blonde's eyes lit up with the kind of passion Shinji usually connected with Kensuke and the Evangelion, "he's gorgeous! Quick, let's ask for a picture."

"Oh, uhm," he tried to find a reason to demure, "o-only if my fiancée is ok with it." He looked down to Hikari, pleadingly, "Hikari-Chan?" The stunned look on her face made him review what he had said, and the back and forth translation of his choice of words provided no explanation. _Should I not admit she's my girlfriend to foreigners?_

"I…yes," she couldn't decide if he had slipped up mentally and was hoping to ask her to marry him on the date today, if he had somehow confused the words for 'girlfriend' and 'fiancée', or if he was suddenly an expert liar. When he said the most important word she hadn't known she wanted so desperately to hear, his face was clear of his tells. "My fiancé can take a picture with you," she held out her hand, "I don't mind taking it."

"Oh, thank you," the taller brunette pressed a camera into Hikari's hand, "your man is the kind of person we've been searching for, for our website." Cuddling into Shinji's side, she beckoned her friend over, "Come on, Josephine, we don't want him to change his mind!" Her pose, a broad 'peace sign' and cheesy grin, was soon mirrored on Shinji's opposite side.

Shinji, accepting that he had somehow miscommunicated his intent to Hikari, took the result with dignity. He gave the camera the same smile he had begun to give Ritsuko, the open-hearted desire to convey a wish for better days to those who saw it. The camera flashed, and he felt twin squeezes on his hips as the two ladies parted with him. He looked to Hikari, "Did they say website?"

Her nod preceded her returning the camera, "What kind of website is it you run, if I may ask?"

Mary responded with a grin and a shrug, "Oh, it's a site where we show attractive, kind, men from around the world. It's our desire to show that there are good options outside of our homeland. There are, at least back home, four unmarried women for every one and a half men."

Josephine nodded sadly, "Wars, conflicts, 'border actions', the men died in droves protecting our country both pre- and post-Impact. The government has eased polygamy laws to try and cope, but…not everyone wants to do that."

Her partner nodded, "So we started our trip around the world. If we can help even a handful of women take a risk and try to find love in a foreign land? Maybe convince that man to come back and take a good job to help everyone out…we can help keep the nation our husbands died to protect alive." She turned to Shinji, "Take good care of your love, you hear?"

"I…uhm, yes," he nodded in confusion, "I promise I will." He hadn't quite followed the entire conversation, but he knew that the two ladies were on a trip and were trying to protect their home by…taking pictures? When Hikari openly embraced him, her arm around his back, and her hand on his ribs, he trusted that he had responded in an appropriate manner.

After waving goodbye to the two strangers, Hikari set their pace as they began their date. "Shinji," she kept her voice as neutral as possible, despite hope and desire begging to be set free, "when they told you to take good care of me, did you understand what they meant?"

"Yes," he nodded. The translation for that sentence was easy, "They said, 'Take good care of the one you love, do you hear me?', right?"

"Close enough," she smiled happily. "So, you'll take care of me?"

"I…yes," he nodded slowly. "I intend to take care of you, and your family. As much as you'll let me." He opened his mouth, then closed it and realized he still didn't have the right words to use.

Hikari noticed the hesitation, and so she kept her peace to allow him time to think. With all day to spend together, she wasn't in any rush to be anywhere. _With our entire lives to spend together,_ she couldn't hide the thrill she felt at that thought, _I don't need to rush anything._ The mostly empty pack had been switched to his opposing shoulder, her father's intent was that it be filled with appropriate clothing for him to wear both inside and when not in class. She shared his feelings on the facts of the matter, her boyfriend had almost nothing to call his own. He needed to start somewhere in building his life, and the clothes on a man's back were often said to be all he truly _could_ call his own.

Thinking back to the conversation with the odd foreigners, Hikari's smile dimmed. Even Shinji's body didn't belong to him. He, like the husbands the women had lost, was being thrown into a war for the sake of everyone else. His flesh, his blood, his very bones belonged to the world, to every man, woman, and child within it that needed his unique talents to protect them from alien monstrosities. She amended her previous joy as she thought deeper on the realities of the matter, _his life may not last through tomorrow._ The thought frightened her, tears building as she suddenly contemplated a world without the earnest, gentle, man beside her.

"Hikari," he couldn't look at her, and so hadn't seen the variety of emotions she was working through. If he looked at her, he knew he'd lock up, become tongue-tied as he tried to make sense of the insanity that was his existence. "When…when you said the other day…." He swallowed, trying to force the words loose, "Before T…Suzuhara-San interrupted us, you told me that you loved me. Did you mean it?"

She swallowed her pain and composed herself, "Yes," she burdened the word with as much certitude as she could pile upon it, "I've had crushes, I've looked at people and wondered what it would be like to lay with them. I've had thoughts of what it would be like to be with someone for the rest of my life, and I've wanted to just go out and spend time with someone to get to know them." Her grip tightened on his hand, "I've never, not before I met you, had my heart beg to stop beating when I thought I would lose them forever. The day we spent in class, where I thought that Misato had offered you everything, I didn't know what I was feeling. And then as I watched women start to throw themselves at you, I realized that it wasn't just 'jealousy', it was fear." She gazed imploringly up at him, "I never want to lose you, Shinji. I never want to know a world where I have to face morning after morning without you in it." She halted their forward progress, sharing a seat with him on a small stone bench free from the direct sunlight, "I know it sounds creepy, I know we've only known each other for a week, but I don't care."

Shifting herself so that she sat proudly, her back straight and her eyes clear, she unburdened herself of the need for hidden thoughts, "My father knew my mother for two days before they were wed. He stumbled across her as she was being hurt by a group of thugs, and did what he knew was right. Eight men against one, and he killed them to a man." The pride in her voice was unmistakable, "Mom was from an area that wasn't…civilized…before Second Impact. Daddy was in that area for 'work', and after he rescued Mom, he refused to let her stay. She told me, before…she told me he said, 'I just finished saving your life. Why would I then send you back into trouble where I'd have to save you again?' His intent," she chuckled, "was that he would bring her back to Hakone, set her up with a reasonable job, give her a chance at a life. Instead, Mom presented herself to Daddy's bosses as his wife. 'The life you save is your responsibility forever', she contended."

Her smile at the memory held pain, "Daddy's bosses agreed, telling him that he now had a responsibility to her. They were married that night." Her giggle was fragile, "He refused to sleep in bed with her for a little over two months. He would be married to her, but he would not 'defile her' after having gone to the lengths he had to save her from the same horrors in a filthy alleyway." She looked back to Shinji, a playful twinkle in her eyes, "My mother began greeting him every day upon his return in less and less clothing. One day he came back to find her wearing nothing but two very well-placed bits of seaweed. 'Your father is only flesh and blood, child', she told me. Two months, four days after he saved her from the darkness, Mom swore Kodama was conceived. She never regretted her decision." The joy faded from her eyes, her head bowed, "When we went to the hospital to say goodbye, she begged Kodama and I to find someone that she would be proud of. To make sure that Nozomi found someone she would be proud of. 'True love, my dear sweet children, is forever. You will know it when you feel it, and if you have to force your love's head under its surface until they choke on it, so they realize that they love you just as much, do so'."

She took a moment, dabbing at her eyes with a handkerchief, "We left Daddy alone in the room, then. When he came back out, she was gone. He hasn't once so much as looked at another woman," she sighed, "he's made it clear that he has three in his life already, and that he does not need or desire another. He's lonely, but it is the loneliness that follows death, not the loneliness of having nobody to truly call your own." Fussing with the cloth in her hands, she let bitterness through, "I almost failed, Shinji. I almost settled on Toji Suzuhara, on a boy that would leave his baby sister alone in a bathroom all day, on a child that ignored a threat to her life," her fists clenched, "on an animal that put himself over _family_. You…you saved me," her hands relaxed slowly, "it may have just been a ladder, I may have been in a room alone, but you _saved_ me. Not from broken bones, or bruised muscles. From disappointing my mother, and more importantly…myself." She dabbed at her eyes again, "Mom would have adored you. If you think Daddy's being overbearing with his insistence that you learn to defend yourself, that you learn to fight, Mom would have poured guilt over you until you practiced day and night just to make it stop." She laughed, "It's a good thing I didn't put on any makeup today, I must look horrifying."

"Y-you look beautiful," Shinji's voice creaked. He wanted to cry himself, knowing how fiercely Hikari's mother must have fought to raise children so they had a better chance at life than she had been given. How Toshiro must feel every day, looking at the three young women in his home and being reminded of his wife's beauty, her kindness. _He didn't send them away._ The bitter anger served to cement his feelings, he would not be his father. He wouldn't send the Horaki family away to protect them, he'd just protect them. If they chose to leave, it would be their choice, and their choice alone. "Hikari," he willed his hands to be steady as he grasped hers gently, "I can't…be who you deserve." He saw her face firm, his own fears of rejection displayed openly in her eyes, "I'm weak. I'm flawed, and no matter how hard I try I always seem to screw up. But I…I…." _Tear off the bandage, get in the fight._ "I need you in my life. I need your support, your honesty, your care. I…I need your love. I don't know how…how to show love, or affection, or anything like that.

"I'm terrified that everything I say, everything I do, is wrong. I've been trying to think of some way to move your family away from Tokyo-3, not because I want you to leave, but because I want you to be safe. I…I'll never be like your father, Toshiro-San is clearly a far better man than I could ever dream of being, but I can see where he was coming from with your mother. He wanted to take something beautiful and place it in a garden that wasn't choked with weeds. He wanted to do what was in his power to save at least one life." Her hands were smooth, warm despite somehow being cold in the heat of the day; as he ran his thumbs along the backs, he felt simultaneous joy and terror that he was defiling her wonderful nature, "But I won't do what my father did, either. I won't send you away. If… _when_ you choose to leave, it will be your choice. Not mine." He swallowed, "Because I never want you to leave."

"I'm _not_ leaving," Hikari shook her head fiercely, "ever." Freeing her hands, she pulled his head down to kiss him with all of the passion she could muster. _I'm going to hold you down until you breathe free air, Shinji Ikari. You are_ mine.

+++++ 3rd Angel + 9 : Sunday (10)

The decision to purchase new shoes was something Shinji quickly determined ranked highly on his list of best events for the day. Somehow, despite her slip-on, toeless, footwear looking incredibly uncomfortable, his girlfriend contended that they were actually by far her favorite pair to go walking around stores in. What Shinji felt was ridiculous was that his solid, sensible, black loafers were quickly shown to be a far second to the grey and blue classic sneakers to properly shod himself with.

"You poor man," the old storekeeper shook his head ruefully. "At your size, I bet your knees have had an extra ten years taken from them by whoever insisted you wear these." Holding up Shinji's old shoes, he nodded kindly, "I'll tell you what, I have a new shipment coming in. I'll sell you a second pair of the same shoes, in black, for a third of the going price. You've got a beautiful lady to spend money on, I see, but I just can't let you walk out without two pairs to rotate through." He laughed, "May not look it, but my son's a volleyball player. He swaps shoes each day so that they don't wear out as fast."

"Thank you, sir," Hikari offered a fetching grin to the older gentleman. "It took me ten minutes to talk him into trying a change of shoes. You see, Shinji," she gestured at the floor-length mirror, "you look just fine in them. Change isn't bad, it's just change."

"Wise words," the owner intoned. "In about six months, come on back. With your build, I bet you're pretty active. You won't be a teen forever, and thirty-year-old you will thank you for remembering to take care of your feet."

After paying for everything, and packing away the shoes properly in his pack, they headed out once more to see what else Hikari could decide that she wanted to talk him into buying. It swiftly became something of a game, one he truly didn't mind losing. She'd see an outfit, or an accessory, that would make him more comfortable. She'd discuss the pros, he'd discuss what cons he could think of, she'd win because he had no idea what he was doing, and she was happy that he wasn't just shrugging and plodding along. Watching her happiness return filled him with confidence, because if she was no longer sad, he had to be doing something right.

Several stores, and a large variety of purchases later, they were walking down the other side of the outdoor shopping plaza. Spying a jewelry store, Shinji froze. Sitting in a display case was a garish, blood-red, orb on a silver loop necklace. The gem seemed to glow from within, apropos of nothing, a rose in a field of lilies. It was a perfect replica of the Angel's weakness. The shine, the smooth, featureless curves, his mind warred between reality and a desire to go implant something sharp through the center.

"Shinji?" Hikari had taken a few more steps before she noticed his sudden halt, "Shinji what's wrong?"

"N-nothing," he couldn't take his eyes from it.

Placing herself before him, she turned her neck so she followed his line of sight, "Is…there something wrong with that store?" She waited, and when he didn't respond took charge, "Shinji, look at me." Stepping away, she rotated so that she faced him, "Shinji."

"S-sorry," he blinked, fixing his eyes on his girlfriend. "I-I…."

"Let's take a break," she smiled with practiced ease, "you've gone through a lot of stores. I'd say you've earned a bit of a rest."

His mouth, once more, raced ahead of his mind, "Is…are you going to be doing this for the rest of your life? Pulling me back from…from random fixations when something…."

"If that's what it takes to stay with you," she shrugged, unconcerned. "But I don't think you'll be like this forever, Shinji. We will find you help, and the past will keep drifting further away." Guiding him away from the jewelry store, she heard his stomach complain, "It seems your body agrees with me," she giggled. "Maybe a late lunch?"

"S-sure," he blushed with embarrassment, "if you're hungry."

"Oh, I'll find something," she looked around. "Hmm, how about there? 'Lán Hè', I think. Chinese sound good?" Taking him by the hand, she guided him gently towards the restaurant and away from whatever odd memories the necklace had conjured up in his mind. Her chest warmed as he took a faster step to pull the door open for her. Regardless of his own issues, he always sought ways to put her foremost in his world, and she wanted to just kiss him to death for it.

"Hello, welcome tooooo," Yang Xu clapped happily as she bounced, "Hikari-Chan, Shinji-Kun, so nice to see you!" She tilted herself to look past them, "Just the two of you?"

"Good afternoon, Yang-San," Shinji bowed in greeting.

"Yes, it's just the two of us today." Hikari hoped that she hadn't just walked into a worse situation than she had left behind, "Is it busy?"

"Oh, it's always busy," Yang waved away the concern. "But for our special customers, the Blue Crane will always have room under her wings." Turning back to the wall, she picked up a phone and pressed a few buttons, "马, 拯救城市的飞行员就在这里. 是啊. 当然! 谢谢." She rolled her eyes as she hung up, "Do you have any idea how hard it is to translate 'Pilot' back into Mandarin? I mean, you don't fly, which is what I think of when someone says 'Pilot'. I just went with the first word that came to mind, so expect my mom to bop me. Should have used 驾驶员." She shrugged. "Oh well, she got the point." Stepping between her classmates, she took each person's arm, "Come with me, your dining experience awaits."

Guiding the pair through the main floor, nodding to various staff that ensured nobody was in her path, Yang slipped free as they approached a set of well decorated doors. The wood was lacquered to a near glow, the green inlay clearly jade and marble. There was a scene on each side of a Crane defending its nest against a viper, mirrored from one door to the other. Turning to face them, she gave Hikari a sly wink and knocked twice, stepping one leg before the other and twisting into a stylized bow with her hands clasped into a single large fist. Behind her, the doors opened, held in place by a pair of burly men wearing sharply tailored chefs uniforms. As one, the two men intoned, "They shelter beneath the Crane."

"Aya, ya, ya," the old woman standing before the table clapped her hands, "you are not paying attention to your studies, Yang." She missed the eyeroll her daughter gave Shinji and Hikari as she righted herself. "She said you flew planes, and that titan is no plane. Such silliness." Beckoning the students over, she smiled broadly, "Come, come. I want to meet the young man who fights for us and the young woman that captured his heart."

Yang swept behind them, ushering them into the room. In truth, Hikari hadn't expected anything like this when she chose the restaurant, and from the glances she risked towards Shinji she was impressed he was taking it as well as he was.

Shinji was mortified. He didn't want people making a production over his status, he hardly wanted the people that knew him to be _aware_ of his status. However, in a testament to his growth he internalized his shrieking terror and merely blushed instead of running away screaming. "Please," he was proud of how his voice was steady, "I'm merely doing what anyone would do, ma'am."

"Of course you are," the old woman beamed happily. Floating over and helping him into a seat while Yang placed Hikari at his right hand, she patted his shoulder, "Because in all of humanity there is only one man capable of driving that contraption, and you have accepted that you must therefore drive it." She took Shinji's bag and passed it to one of the burly men, who carried it off as if it were the most prized item in the world. Sitting across from Hikari, leaving the seat to Shinji's left at the large round table empty, "My daughter has named you Shinji, of the Ikari family," she turned to Hikari, "and you are Hikari, of the Horaki family. I know your father," she gestured to the Class Rep, "a good man with a good appetite. I do not, however," she returned to Shinji, "know your father. Except by acclaim." Yang disappeared from the room, leaving the three alone.

"You're lucky," Shinji murmured darkly.

"So I have heard," Yang's mother laughed. "If I may, would you allow me to order? I would show you our family's best, in the hopes that you will visit us more often."

"Please do," Hikari inclined her head gracefully. "My father didn't tell me he visited here, I'll have to ask him about it."

"Don't fret, dear. I'm well aware of his health. We share…a common goal. His fellows often come here after business has been taken care of, and I would not see a hair on any of their heads harmed while they relax." She looked to Shinji, "My husband runs a clinic that provides medical care for people with Toshiro Horaki's…concerns. While I understand that your company may be keen to see to your immediate health needs, I would like to offer his services in a more supplementary capacity." Her eyes commiserated as she looked to Hikari, "Large men, as you know, require special attention."

The first cart was rolled out by a lovely young woman in an ankle-length qipao, "Nana, do I have your permission to pour?"

"Of course, Jiaxin," the woman waved indifferently. She returned to her analysis of Shinji's soul, "You seem very nervous. Is the day not treating you well?"

"I, thank you," he offered a duck of his head to the woman serving him. She responded with a smile that was alarmingly hostile. Blinking, he tried to recall what he was about to say, "I…don't do well with…."

"It has been a trying few days, a…child in our class took his frustrations out on us." Hikari's jaw clenched slightly, the only sign of her feelings on the matter, "While the matter was dealt with, it has been difficult to bring Shinji back down to a steady calm."

"Suzuhara-San, eh?" Yang re-entered, dressed in clothes more suited for relaxing than the outfit she had greeted them in, "Please tell me he didn't do something stupid, like try to fight for your hand?"

"He…." Shinji looked down, "He blames me for his sister's condition."

"Which can't be your fault," Yang frowned, "Wei is in Sakura-Chan's class, with Nozomi-Chan, he says she wasn't there that day." Glaring at Jiaxin as the young woman dropped a teacup in front of her, she continued, "From the shelter to where he lives is…maybe five minutes? The Suzuhara family are right by the school." Motioning for Shinji to drink his tea, she turned to her mother, "I could crawl from his place to the shelter with the warning we had before things started shaking."

The matriarch considered Shinji for a moment, "Your conscience cuts deeply, doesn't it?" Her eyes moved about his face as she thought about her next words, "It is a good thing for us all that one burdened with such power holds his convictions so dearly." One of the men returned with a broad cart, wood-crafted dishes covered with mesh-weaved bamboo emitting smells that Shinji found enticing. "Ah, thank you Gao." Starting with Shinji, he uncovered the plates, placing them softly and precisely around the table. "Kǎo zhūròu húntún, we use a family blend of seasonings, it helps open up your stomach so that the soup settles well. Please, eat, eat."

Not wishing to be rude, Shinji followed instructions. Just short of too warm, the wonton, as he knew it, was a delicious combination of moist and crunchy. Personally, he found it to be an excellent appetizer. Professionally, "I'd, uhm, I'd like to know the recipe. This is very good." He popped the other half into his mouth and chewed, nodding as he began to recognize some of the spices, "I can make out some of it, but the harmony is wonderful."

"You are a chef?" Yang's mother looked to her daughter, "Why was I not told?"

"Because there's only so much I can say of my Class Rep's boyfriend before it starts to sound like I'm aiming for him myself?" Yang shrugged, "Shinji-Kun is, to my knowledge, a pilot, a track star, a chef, a peacemaker, a scholar, a crack shot with a basketball, a poet, and better looking than Jiaxin could ever hope to be." The sound of a dish shattering from the next room brought a dark grin to Yang's face, "So I forgot a few things when I told you about him, he's here, isn't he?" She winked to Hikari, "Don't worry, I'll help you keep those three away from him."

"Since we're being blunt," Hikari lifted an eyebrow, "what about you?"

"Not interested," she looked to Shinji, "he's taken. If he could be convinced to leave you, he could be convinced to leave me. Now," she batted her eyelashes, "if you dump him, he's fair game. But until then? Not that kind of woman."

"Raised her better than that," Yang's mother nodded. "What do you prefer to use when cooking?"

"Oh, I…I'm not really able to say. I've learned to use what I have at hand, because I've never owned anything of my own." He turned to Hikari, "Though, I might buy a few things now that I'm living…where I am."

"Child," Yang's mother gave her daughter a stern look, "the traditional rules are still in force. Your friends or no, they shelter beneath the crane." Yang gave a dutiful bow, then resumed eating. "Let me know what Toshiro's kitchen lacks, I will find you a supplier that does not skimp on craftsmanship."

"You're living…well," Yang tittered, "now I'm really going to help keep them away from you." She looked over to Hikari, "Why aren't you wearing a ring? It's not against the rules, and it'd really help keep the vultures from circling."

"I-isn't it too soon?" Shinji finished off the last piece on his plate, "I mean…I don't want to do anything that would make her look bad. People have…uhm, they've already started saying terrible things about her." A scowl crawled into place, "I haven't liked what they've said."

As Hikari tried to find a way to ask if Shinji would honestly consider giving her a ring, Yang's mother spoke into the pause, "There will always be harridans that can't abide others being happy, young Shinji. They scold, they spread foul rumors, they tut behind their hands while embroiled in jealous feelings that they can't have what the target of their vileness possesses."

"Jealousy is a snake eating its own tail," Yang added firmly. "I would rather spend any time jealousy would take from me working towards my own happiness, wouldn't you?"

"Well spoken, child. Well spoken." As the meal continued, the elder Xu turned the discussion to the various foods that were served, intermingling with conversation about both he and Hikari's future plans. The matriarch seemed genuinely pleased to offer what advice she could, or offer to look into various means to gain the information that would help them along the way. The more they spoke, the more Shinji relaxed, until he was laughing along with various tales and stories of customers at the Blue Crane that weren't given 'preferred' status.

As the dessert was taken away, Shinji looked to his host, "The meal was delicious, Xu-San. Thank you for taking time to sit and speak with us today, I…I'm feeling much better."

"I'm sorry that we haven't had a chance to spend more time together, Yang-Chan," Hikari smiled across the table. "Between my job as Class Rep, and taking care of my sisters, your job here with your family, and school, we seem to have missed a good chance to be better friends."

"Visit here more often," Yang shrugged. "Even if its just to talk over a cup of tea, it is better than nothing at all. We have our duties," she looked to Shinji, "our responsibilities. But taking time to talk over tea can bring peace to even the most troubled hearts."

Shinji's bag was returned to him, the large man setting it down gently by his chair. "Thank you," Shinji bowed, receiving a polite smile in response. "How much do I owe you, Xu-San?"

"Take good care of the Horaki family, young Shinji. That's all you'll ever have to give in return for a good meal here." The old woman waved off the idea of payment, "I make more money in a day than I could spend in ten lifetimes. Knowing that I can give a healthy, filling, meal to someone dedicated to defending the poor and hungry is where I find my happiness."

A small smile graced Shinji's face as he heard a mirror of his own personal ethos from someone he had begun to respect, "Then, thank you, Xu-San. If you, or Yang-San, ever need anything, please let me know. I…I don't have many friends, but I do want to be a good one to those I have."

Yang hopped up, hugging Shinji's head and shoulders, "You too, Shinji-Kun. Even if it's just advice on what to get for Hikari-Chan, you come to me if I can help you." Moving easily to Hikari, she stooped to offer a chest-to-chest hug, "You too, Hikari-Chan." She lowered her voice, "Between the two of us, you and I will make it clear that he's well and truly taken, ok?"

"Thank you, Yang-Chan. It will be nice to have someone around, for when I'm not there to swat them away." Hikari stood, bowing to the elder Xu, "Thank you for taking care of my father, Xu-San. If he becomes unreasonable, please let me know." She leaned in and whispered a request for the nearest bathroom to Yang, who nodded and offered to show her the way, "I'll meet you out front, Shinji."

"Oh, of course," Shinji hefted his rucksack, turning to the door.

"Jiaxin will see you out," the old woman hooked her finger, beckoning the young woman.

"This way," the waitress ground out through clenched teeth.

Shinji followed her through the doors, once more held open by the large men who bowed in a collegial respect. As he moved through the main lobby, he tried to ignore the stares of various customers that wondered how he had rated such service. The tempo to Jiaxin's steps made clear that she was agitated, prompting him to pause at the door and ask, "Excuse me, miss," he waited for her to look at him, "I'm sorry…but did I do something to offend you?"

He watched as her jaw clenched and unclenched, a clear temper present. After a handful of breaths, she shook her head, "No. You did nothing. She just had to stumble into the same class as you." Her eyes flicked towards the direction that Yang and Hikari approached, "Take my advice, guard your tongue around her." With that, she bowed respectfully and walked away, shoulder checking Yang on her way past.

"Love you too, cousin," Yang called sweetly after. Walking the final few steps to Shinji, she rolled her eyes, "I'm so going to enjoy the rest of the evening. You two have fun, and I'll see you in class tomorrow. Did you like anything in particular, Shinji-Kun? It never hurts to ask me to bring in something you want."

"I, uhm," deciding that it was better to not risk upsetting Hikari, he sought a way to defer without being rude. Her request that he be hers and hers alone could have any number of meanings, and he wasn't yet aware of them all, "I'll give it some thought? I'm very full right now."

"Sounds great," she nodded. Bowing them out, she winked at Shinji, "Thank you for visiting the Blue Crane, please come again."


	13. Chapter 13

+++++ 3rd Angel + 9 : Sunday (10)

Stepping back out into the heat of the day, Shinji felt better about the world. "Thank you," he looked down towards the woman holding his arm. "For…for not running away." He moved onwards, towards the stores they had been meaning to seek out before he had seen the necklace. "It can't be easy, not knowing whether your boyfriend is going to see something…or, or hear something and just…stop."

She grinned happily at the unprompted show of gratitude, "It's not that hard, really. I'm still learning, you're still learning, it just so happens that we can learn together."

"I'll try my hardest," he nodded slowly. "Even if I can't succeed, I'll give my best effort."

Seeing an opportunity to help, she engaged, "What's stopping you from succeeding?"

"Other than myself?" He laughed coldly, "My mind's all messed up, Hikari. I'm replaying what you said in the grocer's over and over. My mind's picking it apart. The same with what you said today, it's just how I am, no matter how hard I try I can't stop from doing it."

"Ok," she rolled her hand, "what about my statements is unclear? Or goes against what you believe to be true?"

"It's…love. How do I know it's love? How do I know your love is really love, and not just you believing I'm someone, or something, I'm not?" He looked out at the world, "How do I even know what I am?"

"That's both easy, and complicated, to answer." She moved him into a nearby shop, spying a shirt she thought would look fantastic on her boyfriend. "What you're contemplating is existential. Philosophers have been trying forever to nail down the essence of self." Stopping by the display, she picked up a shirt and looked at him questioningly. "Are we the sum of our parts? Are we separate from our parts? Do you only exist in my mind, or are you really there? Is the inverse true?" Watching him thumb the fabric, she let her point settle.

She could see from his facial expressions that he was debating her point, and the shirt. His existence before arriving in Tokyo-3 had to have been impossibly stifling, the fact that it was also clearly traumatic just making it that much harder for him. Accepting the shirt, he let his eyes fall on another of the same type, just in a slate gray. He looked between her offering, a pleasing forest green, and the more monochrome offering several times. The debate was settled when she picked up the color he seemed to enjoy, adding it atop the green and smiling comfortingly at him.

"There have been just as many poets, artists, scholars, even various religious figures from around the world that have debated what it is that we call 'love'." Walking towards the counter to purchase the clothing, she kept up her tutelage, "The love between a kindly parent and their child. The love between two men defending an ideal. The love between friends, or partners, or siblings, are any of these 'truer' than any other form?" Pausing for Shinji to complete his transaction, she spied her favorite brand of chocolate bar for sale at the register.

Shinji, not as unobservant as many would believe him to be, picked up one of the bars and added them to his purchase. "So," he looked at her, "what you're saying is…is that neither 'I' nor 'love' are truly defined." He accepted his bagged purchases with a duck of his head, then turned so that Hikari could walk holding the arm she seemed to prefer. "Which…wouldn't that mean that it's different for everyone?"

"Exactly," she guided them to another bench where Shinji could kneel down and repack his belongings into the single larger sack he carried. "What I feel for you may never be the same as what you feel for me. But if we both feel it strongly, isn't that what matters in the end?"

Taking the shirts out of the plastic shopping bag, Shinji carefully wrapped the bag around the chocolate bar and placed it closer to the center of his pack, where the heat wouldn't be as vicious. Hikari wouldn't want to eat it right now, not while they were out walking where it would melt and get all over her dress. _It's just like that conversation while I was inside the Twelfth Angel. How is it that when she tells me something it makes sense, but when I'm talking to myself I sound insane?_ Spying another bag inside the rucksack that he didn't recognize, he ran through all of the shops they had visited, before being distracted by a thought he hadn't anticipated. "So…your love for me is real to you. And that means I _can't_ tell you if it is real or not, because I don't exist inside your experiences. Because it isn't a fact, like gravity or temperature, it's intuition, like how heavy something feels or hot it feels to you."

"That's a very good way to put it," she rewarded him with a kiss. "Just like that, Shinji. You see? I can't tell you if you're in love with me, just hope that you are. And you can't tell me not to feel love for you, because whether you like it or not it's there." She held up a finger, "But that doesn't mean that because someone loves you, you have to accept that love. Just that the love exists. For example, the girl that hurt you, that made you think that affection is perversion? She may very well love you, but you're not under an obligation to accept that love. But that's neither here nor there, because I'm dating you, not her."

"Are…are you sure?" He noticed her look of confusion first, then realized he had jumped to a new line of thought without sharing that fact with her, "That you only want to date me, I mean. I'm sorry," he grimaced, "I have so many thoughts going on, it's hard to keep them all straight."

Her lips tightened, "If I include someone else, I risk you and them becoming exclusive. It's…it was a silly dream, Shinji. A dream of a big house, with a big family, and a lot of love." She blushed, leaning in, "And maybe more than a small amount of hormones. I mean…I'm only flesh and blood myself, and there are some extravagantly attractive women around." Taking his arm as he stood up once more, she lifted her chin, "That thought, that you could decide to stay with whatever woman we chose, it became more real when you offered to send me to Okinawa."

"I just wanted you to be safe," he blurted out. "I wasn't thinking about anyone else, I promise."

She laughed, not disdainfully or intending to cause harm, "If that's what I was afraid of, Shinji, I wouldn't have told you I loved you. We've been dating for a week, and this entire time I haven't once seen you look at another woman with eyes that I'd say were wandering. Between Seika, Tsuru, Natsuko, and Yang, Misato, Maya, and Ritsuko, and even my own sister, you've had more attractive women danced before you than I'd expect anyone interested in females to completely ignore. But you did. You either ignored, didn't see, or a combination of the two, each and every one of those women. Kodama's not the only one who's been watching, Shinji."

"It'd be wrong," he scowled. "I'm with you. I…I can't help that I see them, and I won't deny they're attractive, but I wouldn't spend time with them the way I want to with you."

"Would you want to?" She eyed him sideways, "If we weren't together?"

He gave the question serious thought, ignoring his reflexive denial in favor of honestly answering her question. She had stated, before, that honesty was the key to everything. He just had to be honest, which was about as easy as could be. When he knew what he thought, of course. "I don't know," he stated slowly. "Some of them, maybe? Not Misato, but we've already discussed that. Not Ritsuko either, I don't think. She's so much smarter than me, I'd constantly frustrate her." He looked back to Hikari, "She'd want to discuss what she had accomplished, and I'd likely not understand ninety percent of it."

"You're not dumb, Shinji," Hikari chided. "Given time, I'm certain you'll show yourself how intelligent you are."

"Well…if you say so." He didn't want to infer she was wrong, but he didn't hold similar hopes. "Maya-San is a nice lady, even if she's a bit…." He remembered her running off before he tried on the new plug suit, "Erratic. Seika…well all of the girls in class, I don't really know them that well."

"You didn't know me, not before you caught me as I fell," her counter made sense from her perspective. She wouldn't know that a version of her had already met him, had already been….

"Wouldn't that be a sign, though?" He circled back to her logic from earlier to escape having to explain the incongruity, "I caught you, we spoke, and…." _Admitting part of the truth may be better than a full lie,_ "I thought you were beautiful from the first time I laid eyes on you." He blushed, the admission not without its own pain.

"And…you didn't feel that with anyone else, then."

"J-just your sister," he answered quietly. "She looks too much like you to not think the same thing. She's beautiful, without question, but I doubt she'd be interested in dating. She wouldn't have met me, so she wouldn't know me from any other man on the street. Knowing her now, she's someone I can respect. Even if she is a bit…tactile."

The memory of her sister's declaration whispered in the dark corners of her mind, the knowledge that the woman would happily take Shinji if she didn't. That other women offering more than Hikari herself might… _tragedy_ , "So, you're dating me because you respect me?"

"No. Yes? Kind of." He scowled, his mind tying itself in knots to try and spit out honest answers. "I'm dating you because you asked, and because you're a genuinely nice person, and because you're the kind of person that I don't deserve, and because there's this voice in the back of my mind begging me to stay with you," his mouth became so swept up in the stream of consciousness that he failed to check his responses for 'appropriateness', "and because when I think about you I get fuzzy in the head, and because when you mentioned marriage I actually had a very clear image of you on tooooooh." His mouth clapped shut.

She pulled him to a halt, "Oh?"

"I…uhm," he felt himself being pushed into a small alcove, "I'm sor-"

"Remember what I said?" She was aware of what he meant, "How you'll never have to apologize?"

His back struck a thick cement wall, "Y-yes?"

She lowered her voice to a whisper. It rang in his ears like a clap of thunder, "Am I not allowed to hear you say you think I'm sexually appealing?" Standing close, she looked up at him, her expression inscrutable, "Should I worry that you're going to stray because while you may love me, you don't feel lust for me? Am I just some 'work of art', like Misato-San?"

"N-no," he replied hastily, "I…I…."

"You what, Shinji?" She stood no higher than his chest, easily weighing little more than one of his new legs, and yet he would rather face down a charging Angel naked than her at the moment. "Which is it? Am I 'art', or am I desirable?"

"I…I…yes!" He couldn't flee, so he turned into the storm, "Yes, ok? I think about you like that. It…it hasn't happened often, but it has happened." The lie was obvious, even to him. "I can't help it, I know I shouldn't, but you're so powerful. Everything about you just screams in my head: the way your voice sounds, the way you move with the kind of grace I'll never have, the way you're kind to everyone regardless of how you feel about them. And…and yes, the fact that your body is seemingly designed to make me want to stare at you all day. I…I…I didn't know I had a type, not before you kissed me. I just thought 'women are neat', but never _that_ specific woman. Then you…you gave me that damn kiss! I can't get it out of my mind!" He held his hands out to the side, "I thought of you, last night. I couldn't go to sleep, we spent the evening after we got home on the couch, your scent filling my head, the way your hand rested on my thigh. It took me forever to get to sleep, I…I…." He leaned in, "It…it wouldn't go down. I laid there flopping around for hours trying to calm myself down, because I wanted so much to have you there with me. And th-"

She hopped up on her toes, tugging him fiercely into a kiss by the collar. Working her hands so that her wrists crossed behind his neck, she laid forward against him, drawing out the display of affection until she believed him irreparably smitten. "Mmm," slipping back some, she let her eyes offer the entirety of the affection she felt for him, "that is what I hoped to hear." Her bearing was an odd reflection of what he had seen in the pool from Ritsuko: there were promises, secrets to be uncovered. But, where the bottle-blonde had shadows and pitfalls, Hikari had pillars of welcoming light and brightly-wrapped gifts to be given. "Shinji," even the way she said his name sent pleasurable lightning along his spine, "I promise you, when we're ready I'm going to make it my sworn duty to shatter your mind in bed." The swell of her chest sliding along his torso as she returned to her feet caused him to shudder, "I may be the responsible daughter, but I am a _very_ hot-blooded woman. Something to think about."

His breathing ragged, his mind no longer in control of his actions, Shinji left his eyes closed as he murmured, "G-guess I'm not sleeping again tonight."

Hikari had been about to ask him what he meant when she recalled his final admission. "Well," her eyes flicked around as she realized how naughty she was being, "you could always think of me while you take care of the problem."

He looked away, not wanting to associate the glory before him with the shrieking cries of 'pervert' in his mind. "I d-don't do that," had he been tempted? Certainly. But there was never privacy enough to risk it. One missed piece of evidence, or an accidental misfire, or the worst-case scenario of someone interrupting him…he wouldn't have survived the fallout.

"You…don't?" Hikari's mind screeched to a halt, _everyone_ did that. People liked to pretend that women didn't, which was as idiotic a concept as she'd ever heard of, and it was nearly cultural law that all boys did from the time they were born. "Shinji," she reached up to tap his face until he looked at her, "why ever not?"

"I-it's…it's, uhm…."

"Oh." She had, once again, forgotten the crux upon which her boyfriend's mind was currently balanced. "Ten years without violence, and after pummeling him, I may just end up hunting this woman down and actually starting a fight."

"Th-that w-"

"Shinji," it was Class Rep time now, "when dealing with your own body, and when what you are doing impacts no other person but yourself, you are free to do what you want while you're alone." Her cheeks turned rosy as she braced herself, "I do. I have, recently. While thinking about you."

"Y-you…."

"You're my boyfriend," she wouldn't become defensive. He needed help, not condemnation. "Who else would I be thinking of? I won't tell you what to do with your own body, but…." _Although…now that I think about it._ "Let's finish up our shopping trip. I have an idea on how to help you with your problem." Taking him by the hand, she tugged him into motion. The idea seemed more exciting the more she thought about it, but they had left the house on a mission, and the mission needed to be accomplished.

+++++ 3rd Angel + 9 : Sunday (10)

Standing in her elder sister's bedroom, Hikari was once again thrilled that her boyfriend loved working in the kitchen. Shinji was downstairs, teaching Nozomi how to cook with the kind of patience she only wished she herself had. "It's true," the conversation might have been awkward for some, but the Horaki Sisters had never really been interested in putting up false barriers between themselves, "you know he can't lie to save his life. He might have, at some point in the past, but I'd bet that silver hairpin of mom's against an evening of Daddy's cooking that he hasn't taken care of himself for years and years."

"That's not healthy," Kodama was aghast. "Oh, no, no. No no no. Not acceptable. He has his own bathroom, if he doesn't trust us to not just barge into his room. Ok. So what do you need me to do? I'm guessing you came to me because you needed help with this."

"Advice, and help." Hikari swallowed, then straightened her spine and clasped her hands before herself, "I told him that I…took care of myself. And that while I did so recently, I thought of him."

"Of course," her older sister nodded casually, "since we're being open, so have I."

"Kodama," Hikari's face went flat.

She simply shrugged, unapologetic, "I'm sorry, sis. He's a wonder to behold and a joy to be around. I told you I wouldn't make a move on him so long as you were moving forward, and I mean to keep that promise. But you know that private time is private time. I don't expect you to share your boyfriend, but you don't get to tell me I can't imagine a world where he caught me instead."

Hikari grimaced, "He'd date you," it hurt her to tell the truth, but she didn't like keeping secrets from the most important people in her life. "He said so today."

"That's nice," Kodama smiled teasingly. "It's good to know I'm not someone he thinks of as ugly."

"Yeah, well, he also said he didn't think you'd be interested, so don't go getting a big head."

"We're drifting off message. I'm not stealing your boyfriend, who is currently not taking care of himself." Leaning forward, she bounced eagerly on the edge of the bed, "So what are we talking about here? Need some help slipping him some pictures? Maybe placing some 'self-care' items where he'll stumble across them?"

"That was the 'advice' part," Hikari paused to consider the implications of what she was about to ask. "When is…too soon?"

"Mom kind of set the record," the eldest Horaki Sister quirked her lip. "To hear her tell it, she'd have pushed Daddy down in that alley if he'd have let her."

"I…don't think he's ready for that."

"Are you?"

"I'm as close to 'yes' as I think I'll get before clothes are on the floor," Hikari shrugged. "You were right, he's the kind of man that 'forever' was meant to be used to describe. But it's only been a week, and while I don't think he'd 'kiss and tell', I have his social standing to consider. I also don't know if _I'm_ what _he_ wants."

"I don't think he's the kind of man to ever know what he wants," Kodama countered. "Daddy wasn't, not until mom showed it to him. Sometimes people don't know what they want in life. He seems happy with you, he seems happy here. But, I'll play Devil's Advocate here, does it matter?"

"Of course it matters!" Hikari scowled, "If he'd be unhappy with me, I shouldn't force him to feel obligated to stay with me!"

"I mean if you and him have sex, doofus." Kodama rolled her eyes, "Unless one or the other of you does something horrifyingly unforgivable, you'll always be friends. So if you don't work out as a couple, what does it matter if you've had sex in the past?"

"Because he's not in the right state of mind to take that step," she cut the idea off hard. "He still has whoever told him that affection is perversion in his head, and until he's more comfortable with holding me while we kiss I'm not going to risk him melting down during our first time together. I don't want him to cringe every time our kids ask about sex, or to beg me for forgiveness for the rest of our lives. The 'normal awkwardness' I can accept, it's inevitable. But I can help him reach a better place before I shatter his pelvis."

"That's my sister," Kodama stood and pulled Hikari into a hug. "I just wanted to make sure we were speaking the same language, ok?"

Folding herself into the embrace, the Class Rep sighed, "It's so hard. Knowing in my soul that he's the one, but also being smart enough to realize that means nothing from his perspective."

"It's a burden," she soothed her hand along her sister's hair. "Intelligence, a conscience, and compassion. But I'd rather you suffer with this, than be the kind of woman to fall in and out of love at the drop of a nice-looking pair of pants." Holding Hikari back out at arm's length, she grinned, "Now. I'm guessing you're worried that someone will discover sexy pictures of you in his room. Or, and this is something I would avoid, on his phone. So, what I think you're looking for might be a bit different. Give me a few days to set something up, ok? In the meantime, here's what you do…."

+++++ 3rd Angel + 9 : Sunday (10)

Shinji unpacked his purchased clothing, removing any tags or other extraneous material before setting them in his hamper to wash. When he pulled out the bag containing Hikari's chocolate bar, he smiled to himself. _We forgot I got this for her. I'll give it to her tomorrow at school, maybe she'll smile._ Setting it aside, he returned to his task and noticed that out-of-place bag once more. There were no markings, just a plain white paper sack. Pulling it out slowly, he found it to be exceedingly light, far too light to hold clothing, or shoes.

"Is it Hikari's?" He was certain he had already distributed everything he had purchased for his new family. The dolphin hairclip for Kodama, a pun on her name. The stuffed tiger for Nozomi. The hardcover detective novel that Hikari wanted to buy for her father, but didn't have the money to acquire. Leery of opening a bag that wasn't his, he decided to set it aside so that he could ask Hikari the next day. Reaching up to his dresser, he startled at someone knocking on his door, dropping the bag and spilling the contents out onto the floor under the sturdy cabinet, "C-come in!"

"Nii-san forgot to give me a hug," Nozomi stood in the door, a faux-pout on her lips. "I can't go to sleep unless everyone gives me a hug."

The bag forgotten for the moment, Shinji moved to his knees and faced his newest Chef's Apprentice, "I'm sorry. I'll try to remember." Sitting in seiza, he bowed slightly, "Will you ever forgive me?"

Two quick steps sent her flying towards him, the difference in mass much too small to force him backwards. Cuddling around his neck, her legs wrapped around his waist, she giggled, "Of course I forgive you, silly." Sliding down his body like a pole, she sat down on his thighs and looked at him, suddenly serious, "Family forgives each other, ok? You're family, now. That means that you forgive us when we mess up, and we forgive you when you mess up. Because we don't mean to hurt each other, we just sometimes do."

The sober expression on his self-proclaimed little sister brought forward the unfamiliar feeling of positivity, the scorching heat of happiness scalding him. "Ok," scooping her up, he supported her under her hips and held her close. "Thank you, Nozomi-Chan. I guess I needed a hug myself."

"Everyone needs hugs," she giggled. Kissing him on the cheek, she slipped free and retreated to the door, "You sleep good now, ok?" With a wave, she gripped the door to slide it home.

"I will," he waved in kind, and sighed as the door closed. One day, someone was going to hurt her. Someone was going to take away that bottomless well of energy and gentleness. _Someone will die, painfully._ Shaking himself, the voice in his mind startling him out of the downwards spiral, he turned back to what he was doing.

Moving first to the bag that had spilled open, he saw an envelope and a hanging charm. The charm was a well-made rope braid, the kind you would find hanging in homes in China. The meaning of the intricate knots eluded him, he only knew about the practice through their Global Studies section on their neighbors to the west. The bright red coloration implied something too, though it might differ in China from what he would expect it to mean in Japan. Dangling in the center was a bright green medallion, 'Fondness' if he read it correctly. It was a beautiful piece, but he didn't buy it.

Turning his attention to the envelope, he flipped it over and saw that his name was written on the front. Setting aside the charm, he worked the seal open and pulled out the folded cardstock note inside. 'Hey Shinji-Kun, I didn't want to give this to you in front of Hikari. You understand how we girls can be, you know? Figured you're moving into a new situation here in Tokyo-3, and could use some color for wherever you're living now. Maybe the two of us can take a picture soon, something to hang by the charm so you remember me when you move up in the world leaving us mere mortals behind, yeah?' The card was signed, 'Your China Girl'.

He wasn't sure how to feel about the gift. It was lovely, artistically. It was also the kind of thing that he would expect to be given as a 'housewarming' gift, something a friend, or someone hoping to be a friend, would give to someone to bring cheer. "Then why wouldn't she want to give it to me in front of Hikari?" Deciding to go with his original plan, Shinji set the charm and the note on his dresser. He'd speak with his girlfriend, it was the safest strategy.

+++++ 3rd Angel + 10 : Monday (11)

Shinji and Hikari arrived early to their class, the morning moving faster with experience and practice. Despite the room being empty, the two still sat in their own desks, keeping any public displays of affection to a warm smile or a compliment. It wasn't really the same at all anymore, but he was becoming accustomed to his place in the world little by little. While he wasn't necessarily thrilled with all of the changes, he had adopted the collarless over-shirt style he wore on his first day in class after the transformation. There were no school rules against it, and the women in his house all agreed he looked fantastic in them. In all, he felt the day would be something to look forward to. He was with his girlfriend, he had his place in the world, all would be well.

The world, as it seemed destined to, laughed at Shinji's attempts at developing normalcy.

Walking through the open classroom door, Rei Ayanami paused as she moved past Shinji's desk. Her right arm in a sling, a soft cast around it, she gazed at him with her uncovered eye. The three year difference between the first timeline and this one had done wonders for Rei's development physically. The same plain bob hairstyle, the same analytical crimson gaze, the same pale alabaster skin. Despite those similarities, her body had grown stronger, fuller. Had he seen her first, he might have questioned the incongruity sooner. She was, it seemed, a later bloomer.

When she said nothing, did nothing, everything in his mind stopped. There was a sense of recognition, of familiarity in her lone good eye that terrified him. Did she recognize him? Had she travelled back with him? Why was she looking at him like she knew who he was?! Was he actually not alone in coming forward, or back, or whatever? Was there someone else just like him?

"You are Pilot Ikari," her voice was the same lifeless monotone. "You defeated the enemy of your own will."

Recognizing that Shinji likely wouldn't have any clue who the strange, emotionally deadened, young woman before him was, Hikari stood and tried to lend her a hand, "Ayanami-San, how are you feeling? Shinji, this is Rei Ayanami, your fellow pilot." She attempted a bit of levity, hoping to break the dread she could almost taste radiating from her boyfriend, "I thought they'd at least introduce you at work, before she returned to class."

"She tells me that you are the reason I was not harmed further," Rei pressed on, heedless of Hikari's attempts at social management. "I am grateful. The pain is undesirable, it impacts my ability to perform my duty."

The thought that this might be 'his' Rei began to die. "R…Ayanami-San," Shinji wouldn't believe that anyone at NERV would harm Rei willingly. Certainly no woman would. "Who told you that? Is…is someone harming you?"

The bluenette dismissed his query, "I will provide you with whatever assistance you require. She insists I inform you that I am willing to perform whatever tasks you see fit. Though some will be performed sub-optimally until such a time as I am fully healed, I am flexible enough to attempt whatever you desire."

"Oh-kay," Hikari clapped her hands together, "Ayanami-San, _who are you talking about?_ " She didn't want to be the jealous girlfriend, she didn't want to stifle Shinji's ability to make friends, she didn't even want to stop him from seeing that there were other options if it was what would truly make him happy, but she was not about to let her boyfriend be propositioned right in front of her by a hauntingly attractive social recluse!

Shifting her head slightly to face Hikari, Rei quietly stated, "That information is classified." Her task complete, she moved to her desk by the window and assumed the posture that Shinji had long associated with the First Child. Her left hand supporting her chin, and her gaze focused out into the forest beyond the school field.

Hikari watched Shinji watching Rei, her confusion growing. He seemed…disappointed. "Shinji?" As he turned to face her, his eyes paused on his desk for a second. She heard him utter something along the lines of 'not her', and then he faced her openly. "Are you ok?"

"I'm fine," he lied. The sorrow was evident on his face, as well as in his voice. He was alone. If they existed, it was in a world beyond his reach. If that world was gone…then everyone he ever knew was dead, and he alone lived in a world populated by their clones. He wasn't even certain that he was actually himself, nor had he been aware that he had still been harboring hope that someone had come with him. Someone that could have shared his experiences in the previous world, to help him not feel like he was simply dreaming it all.

As much as she wanted to assure him that his fellow pilot had always been a bit of an oddball, she didn't want to push the woman further towards her self-ostracization by speaking about her while she was in the room. "Well, if you say so." She couldn't fix everything. _I know!_ The thought struck her suddenly, _I'll share my chocolate with him at lunch. It won't make this better, but it will cheer him up._ She was thrilled that he had not only saved it for her, but had packed it with an ice pack so that it didn't melt if she decided against eating it during the day. Once more, his thoughtfulness enabled her to do more than just hope for the best.

The students began to trickle in, pausing by Shinji's desk to greet him, and with him their Class Rep. Hikari had noticed that her place in many of her peers' eyes had gone up the past several days in class. There were still those few ladies that either gave her the cold shoulder or glared jealously, but that number was dwindling as Shinji remained oblivious to anyone else. The boys in class, however, all seemed to feel it was safe to include her in banter now. It was as if her being 'off the market' reduced her threat to them, and now they could treat her with an odd mixture of respect and joviality. It was pleasant, if she was honest with herself.

Shinji accepted the greetings with as much false cheer as he could muster, though it was obvious to everyone that something had brought their hero's spirits low. More than one person looked to Hikari once Shinji had looked away, only to receive a subtle shake of her head. Trusting in her, the students let him believe that he had them fooled, which was unknowingly the best thing they could have done. He didn't want sympathy, they wouldn't understand what they were offering it for, which would render it meaningless in his mind.

It wasn't until Yang entered, trailing the three other self-declared 'helpers', that Shinji reacted with anything close to what he was actually feeling. Hikari noticed the look of consternation flash across his face, followed by confusion, then the way he looked at her with a hint of fear. _Does he find her attractive?_ The thought was dismissed as soon as it arrived, she had spoken to him about it yesterday, and he had said as much. This wasn't 'fear of being disloyal', it was 'fear of misunderstanding'. Whatever was about to happen, or whatever he had to talk to her about, he was afraid he wouldn't be given a chance to explain. _Something I can do!_

"Hey, Shinji-Kun!" Yang stepped between Shinji's and Hikari's desk, wrapping his head in a hug much like she had at the restaurant, "Ma says you need to stop by more often, ok?" She stepped back and smiled at Hikari, "You too. Ma wants to see your dad more often." With that easy-going smile she carried herself with, she looked back to Shinji, "Did you find your present?"

"I-I did," his eyes flicked to his girlfriend.

"Oh?" Hikari's smile was unworried, "What did you get, Shinji?"

"I gave him a housewarming gift," Yang stated proudly. "Since he's moved to a new city, a new situation with new people, he needs to have stuff to decorate with, you know? Ooo, here!" She pulled out her phone, "This, I took a picture of it before I put it in his bag." Flipping through her gallery of photos, she stopped on the charm, "It didn't take me that long to make, I've been working on it since he had that chemical accident. The restaurant was a chance to give it to him where it wasn't a big production, make it easier to accept, you know?"

"That was very nice of you," Hikari looked to Shinji, her display of unconcern unforced as she realized he likely forgot to mention it on the way to school and remembered just as he saw Yang arriving. "We'll have to hang it in your room, Shinji. A little extra good fortune and fond wishes never hurts." Watching him relax visibly buoyed her hopes that he'd bounce back from his disappointment with his fellow pilot. Her boyfriend, so strong and yet so eager to see the worst in himself.

"Especially when fighting to defend everyone," Yang agreed amicably. "Would you like one for your home, Hikari-Chan?" She had clearly intended to keep her word on hiding Shinji's living arrangements. "They're easy to make, and I have a lot of time to work on them when I'm waiting for another customer to arrive."

"Y-you should let her," Shinji risked joining the conversation. "It's nice to have something given to you by a friend."

Unseen by him, Shinji's 'helpers' were taking notes of his opening up to Yang and planning their own little coups.


	14. Chapter 14

+++++ 3rd Angel + 10 : Monday (11)

Shinji spent the morning classes as he had been the previous week, as attentive as possible with the distractions in his head. It was becoming easier to ignore them while the lessons were on-going, but he still had a great deal of work to do to approach his girlfriend's level.

He looked over towards the windows, during the breaks, trying to figure out a way to include Rei in conversations. He was also debating the appropriateness of asking to speak to her alone, somewhere that he could hopefully garner who this mysterious person was that told her to help him in whatever way she could. Outside of the Evas, it wasn't like he needed a great deal of help anymore. In truth, he wanted to try and help her make friends with her fellow students. She had seemed lonely, opening up slightly after the Fifth Angel, but only slightly. Now, seeing her back to the way she was before they had ever met, he realized how painful it was to watch someone just like him force the world away.

Lunch arrived, and Shinji stood to follow Hikari out to their traditional spot. As they hit the hallway, Shinobu caught sight of them, "Shinji-Kun, Hikari-Chan," she jogged over, "I…I…." She blinked, "Hello, Ayanami-San, did I interrupt you? I'm sorry."

"Ayanami-San," Shinji turned and noticed the injured pilot was standing near enough to be of use but not close enough to be a participant of any conversations, "did you need something?" The way she looked at him was unnerving, he couldn't interpret her gaze as anything but…single-mindedly dedicated.

"It is my duty to be ready to serve as requested," she responded, her eyes unmoving.

"Your…duty." This was most definitely not his Rei. He remembered her entire life revolving around the Evangelion and his father. The impact of her palm against his cheek was still easily recalled, serving as an unfailing reminder of that. What could possibly have happened, what actions had he taken, to have caused this kind of a change in…the L-Nine. He changed his mental track from assuming this was the same young woman who had tried to protect his father to someone that may have been touched by the LCL the way he was. She needn't have travelled back with him to have had her life impacted by changes.

Noticing Shinji's discomfort, Hikari stepped in, "Ayanami-San, I'm certain that anything Shinji needs while at school, or at home, is something I can handle. Why don't you go eat lunch? You're recovering from injuries, you shouldn't skip meals." Rei simply ignored her, continuing to stand in silent anticipation of a task.

He had to test this. If he was interpreting her actions correctly, this could easily end horribly if he wasn't careful with his phrasing. He'd have to be direct until he could get her to NERV and find out what on Earth had happened. "Ayanami-San," Shinji swallowed hard, "I'll be fine. Unless you need something from me, why don't you go eat?"

Her eyes tightened a nearly unnoticeable amount, "I brought no meal today."

"Take mine," he extended his lunch box. Thanking his good fortune that he had decided to just make one kind of meal for everyone school-bound, saving the meat for Toshiro's, "It's vegetarian, so I hope that's not a problem." She had mentioned after they caught the bomb Angel that she didn't eat meat, which meant he could easily distract her with his own lunch.

Hikari wanted to crack her boyfriend upside his head, as this now not only left him without a meal, but was providing confusing signals to everyone that had just seen him automatically offer his lunch to a young woman not his girlfriend. However, as it was perfectly in keeping with everything she loved about him, she tamped her frustrations down to be dealt with at a later date.

Forcing the box into Rei's hands, Shinji leaned into the classroom, "Yang-San," he waited for the young woman to turn, "do you happen to have any extras today?"

"Sure do!" Swinging her legs casually over the top of her desk to turn around, the feisty lady dug into her bag and pulling out a carry-away pouch, "Four of 'em today." Strutting over happily, she swung around Rei and put the bag in Shinji's hand, "Anytime you need 'em Shinji-Kun, I'm here for you."

"Thank you, Yang-San," he bowed gratefully. "Ayanami-San, why don't you go ahead and eat. I'll get the box back from you after you're done." Turning on his heel, he hoped that Hikari picked up the hint and followed behind. Everything was weird enough without continuing the discussion in the hallway where everyone could rubberneck.

As he flowed through the hallways to the outdoors, he tried to think of ways to gather information without tipping his hand that he had experience from outside the current timeline. He'd have to be careful in how he asked for help, starting slow and acting more ignorant than he was. _That shouldn't be hard, as I'm clearly a raging idiot._ Finally reaching the safety of the outside, he powered over to the old oak tree and sat unceremoniously down. He winced as he realized that he hadn't regulated his stride length, as Hikari was just exiting the building with Shinobu close behind.

"Shinji," Hikari sat down far more gracefully than he had, "I promise you, that is not how I anticipated you meeting Ayanami-San. If I had known she was going to…." Spying movement, the Class Rep turned and saw the woman in question sit on a bench within sight and hearing distance. "Ah." Weighing the desire to provide a refresher course in social norms against the desire to kiss Shinji in plain sight on school grounds to make everything _perfectly_ clear, she hesitated long enough that Shinobu spoke into the pause.

"Awkward," she whispered. "I'm sorry, Shinji-Kun. I didn't mean to interrupt your lunch date with Hikari-Chan, but I wanted to ask if you two were free after class. I need help." The more recent blue-haired addition to Shinji's life seemed truly apologetic, and just as sincerely troubled.

"Whatever we can do," Hikari took a deep breath, pushing aside vermillion-eyed irritants in favor of honor and obligation. "I'm guessing you don't want to talk to Honzo-San about this?"

"He…means well," the young bluenette prevaricated. "And normally I'd talk to one of the women at the Inn, but…well…."

Shinji finished off his first bun, his stomach's cries too eager to be ignored, "Whatever we can do." He reached over, gently nudging Hikari's arm, "Friends help each other, right?" He needed Hikari's help with Rei, that much was very clear to him. When she reached over and gripped his hand, offering him a powerful smile, he blushed, "S-so, where do you want to meet?"

"You offered to walk me to the station from your house, Hikari-Chan," she looked down, "would you mind us all meeting at your house?"

"I don't…." Realizing that would increase the number of people that knew about Shinji living with her, she changed the last word at the last second, "know if that's a good idea. Nozomi-Chan isn't feeling well, and I don't want you taking that home with you." Thinking quickly, she looked over to Shinji, "Why don't we all go to that café in town? The booths there are nice and private, we can talk in there for a while."

"Well, uhm, I don't really have a lot of money," Shinobu blushed in embarrassment.

"I'll pay," Shinji caught up to Hikari's thinking, "we're friends, right?"

"Oh, but I can't just take money, Shinji-Kun," she waved her hands before her chest, "it wouldn't be right to burden you with my problems and my…poor finances."

He shook his head, his ponytail bobbing around, "I insist. If you feel the need to pay me back, I'll just…ask for a favor in the future, ok?"

Inwardly, the thought of repaying him with a favor elicited a small thrill of excitement. She knew it wasn't what he meant, but with how angry she was at her own boyfriend the fit of whimsy had longer legs. Shinobu looked down at her mostly uneaten meal, "But…what if you dislike me after what we talk about?"

"Shinobu-Chan," Hikari leaned in, "if it's this serious, then we both insist. Whatever it is, you've reached out for help. Let us help, ok?"

"I…it's pretty bad," she sighed.

"Then it's important we do what we can," Shinji set his jaw. Reaching over to the young woman, he gripped her shoulder the way that he remembered Toshiro doing to him. The comfort he drew from that big paw on his shoulder was palpable, and if he was going to live in Toshiro's home, he would do what he could to make the big man proud. "If I can't help, I'll find out who can."

Hikari wanted to burst, hearing her boyfriend speak in that tone of voice, and actually trying to comfort someone else? It was too glorious for words! He wasn't healed, but it was a commanding step in a positive direction. Her cheer then plummeted when Rei's shadow fell over Shinji.

The First Child held out Shinji's empty lunch, "I have finished my meal."

Shinji couldn't restrain a sigh of irritation, taking the box back from the First Child and searching for something he could ask her to do that wasn't demeaning or quick to accomplish.

"Ayanami-San," Hikari stood fluidly, "please come with me." Stepping briskly around Shinobu, she took Rei by the back of the collar and dragged her bodily off, far enough to administer a chastisement in private.

"I'm sorry, Shinobu-San," Shinji winced. "I honestly don't know why Ayanami-San is doing what she's doing, but I promise you I won't let it happen while we're talking after class." He hoped that it didn't continue past the school day, but with his luck he had no real way of knowing it wouldn't.

+++++ 3rd Angel + 10 : Monday (11)

A quick agreement had been reached that Shinji would wait outside of the school gates for Hikari and Shinobu before the end of lunch, and so it was that after gym he stood in the shade of the wall that surrounded the campus. Waving at departing students with his gentle smile, he kept expecting the next shadow to be Rei. While he once would have been thrilled to have garnered her interest, there was little he could do with the type of interest she had been showing him all day. A friend was one thing, but she seemed to believe herself a servant, and that was horrifying.

"Oi," Akane snuck up and poked him in the side. "You're making my job harder, quit it."

"Gah!" He stumbled as he tried to right himself to face the Section Two representative, "W-what?"

The agent smirked, "You're standing out in the open. Why aren't you with Hikari-Chan headed home?"

"W-we're headed to a café, with a friend, I'm waiting for them to get out of the lockers." He looked around, then took a risk, "Is Ayanami-San…ok?"

"That's a difficult question to answer seriously," she pursed her lips, "the short answer is I see no reason why she wouldn't be the same as she always is."

He chose his words carefully, "Is she always…eager to be helpful?"

"To the Commander? Yes. To everyone else? She's never a problem, but she doesn't talk much." Akane leaned in, her curiosity stoked, "Why?"

"She…said she'd do anything I asked." He shrugged, "Used a lot more words, but made it clear that she was ordered, and willing, to do anything I asked. It's been kind of awkward."

"No, that doesn't sound like Ayanami." Her frown bloomed, "We'll keep an ear open." Looking past Shinji, she gestured with two fingers extended, "Your girl's coming. I only see one blue-haired lady, doesn't look like the First. We see her following you, we'll ask her to find something better to do. Enjoy both of your dates!" With a wicked grin Akane waved and departed before her words sunk in.

Shinji opened his mouth to clarify that he was just helping Shinobu, but didn't want to call out loud enough to ensure that Akane would hear, as it would mean _everyone_ would hear. Clacking his teeth together in frustration, he fought for composure before Hikari saw him out-of-sorts.

"I don't know that she followed us," Hikari looked back one last time as Shinji peeled himself off the wall to take up position on the side she favored him to be. "I'm so sorry, Shinji. I have no idea what prompted this. Can you ask anyone at work?"

"I already have," he shook his head, "they don't know either." Noticing Shinobu's frown, the way that she walked as if cutting herself off, he wondered if that's what he looked like before he had truly known Hikari. "But that's not the problem we're here for, right?"

"Right," Hikari's smile glowed with the pride she felt in him. "I think I'm going to be naughty and order a sundae."

Shinji picked up her subtle hint, "Well, to be honest I'll probably get a sandwich. I'm still hungry, and Nozomi-Chan says it's hard to concentrate when my stomach's talking around her. What about you, Shinobu-San?"

"O-oh!" Shaking herself, she blinked rapidly, clearly trying to replay the last bit of conversation that she hadn't heard.

"Remember," he had to help this young woman, "friends." If he could help just one person, he could start to be the kind of man that the Horaki family thought he was. He may not belong in this world, but he'd give everything to see the people in it safe and happy. _I won't lose again._

Idle chatter about lessons and the different teachers filled their walk to the café, both Hikari and Shinji trying to bring a less dour mood to the young woman that had suddenly entered their lives and then just as suddenly come to them looking desperate. Reaching their destination, a lovely brick building with elaborate wood features, Shinji squeezed Hikari's arm and detached himself to hold the door open. Hikari gave him a happy wink, and Shinobu ducked her head in a seeming half-apology and half-regretful pose.

"Welcome to Sweet Tooth," a chipper woman, of an age with Kodama, did a quick headcount, "table for three?"

"Please," Hikari responded. "Is there anywhere that's a little quieter?"

"Absolutely," eyeing Shinji up and down, an open grin broke out on her face, "I know just the place." Maneuvering them through the store, she placed them in the back corner. The seats were arranged in a manner that placed Shinji where he could be seen easily from the nearby kitchen entrance, and so every server and busser (the majority of which were female students at the nearby university) would be able to appreciate him as they walked past. Setting her hand on Shinji's upper arm, the hostess leaned in to smile at everyone, "When you're ready to order, just press the button and your server will be right over."

"Thank you." She knew her patience was being tested sorely today, and Hikari was once more extraordinarily grateful that her boyfriend was either oblivious, or leery, of physical displays of flirtation from anyone but her. Once the hostess had moved away, she flipped open the tablet-based menu stored in the table and started the conversation off, "So, what can we do to help you, Shinobu-Chan?"

"Remember," Shinji added quickly, "order whatever you want. I promise you, nothing you tell us could possibly make me dislike you, and I want to try and help you feel better."

"Auuuu," she balled her fists and buried them in her temples, "why can't Keitaro be like you, Shinji?" Her sudden drop of the formalities was somewhat shocking to both listeners. The young lady seemed to thrive on formality, much like Shinji had. "You say you want to help, and there's nothing hidden there. You say you'll buy me whatever I want, and the favor you're going to ask for in return, the one that's supposed to make me feel like I'm paying you back, is probably going to be 'just be a good person'. You have all of these women flirting with you, and you just ignore them like they don't exist!"

"W-were you flirting with me?" Shinji blinked, "I…uhm, I didn't see anyone flirting with me."

"My boyfriend isn't ignoring them, Shinobu," Hikari settled into the bluenette's groove. "He genuinely doesn't see what's happening around him as flirtation. If he saw what was happening, he'd probably have a far different reaction than you think."

"I'm…uhm, I'm not as good a person as you're making me out to be." Shinji found what he wanted on the menu and marked it, "Like Hikari says, I'm kind of dense. She had to point out to me that several of the girls in our class were flirting, because I've never really experienced someone being friendly towards me, and definitely never experienced a woman being friendly, I have no idea what's happening. But, I'm very taken. When Hikari asked me to be hers and hers alone, I gave her my word. If I don't keep that, what do I have left?"

Shinobu looked at Hikari and sighed, "Would you mind sharing?"

"My sundae? Sure. My boyfriend? Not anymore." Reaching over and taking the bluenette's hand, she tried to steer the conversation back on track, "What happened?"

"L-let's order," she swallowed hard. "That way we have time while they make our food."

The waitress was at their table seconds after the button press. Standing close to Shinji, she kept 'accidentally' bumping him with her chest as she leaned down to look at the items they were ordering, as if she hadn't seen the menu before herself. By the time everything was written down and checked twice, Hikari was reduced to planting her nails in her palms and counting prime numbers in ascending order to stop herself from launching the decorative votive candle at the woman. She loved her boyfriend to death, and if it weren't clearly a case of him wanting to avoid confrontation rather than the possibility he was enjoying having his shoulder massaged by a giant pair of tits, she'd have made sure to include him in the ricochet!

"Sh-she needs to purchase glasses," Shinji stammered after the waitress departed. "She kept b-bumping me, i-it was d-difficult to not embarrass her."

"Shinji," Shinobu leaned towards him, "she was doing it on purpose!" Her voice was low enough that only the table would hear, "That was flirting! Poor Hikari must be furious if that happens all the time."

"It's ok," Hikari quickly stepped in to avoid her boyfriend melting down. "I would be angrier if it weren't for the fact that he doesn't pick up on these things, Shinobu. He needs patience, understanding, and the freedom to explain his actions without me prejudging him. A relationship requires effort to succeed, Shinji has to come out of his shell to offer me affection, I have to give him space to grow into the world around him."

"She…oh," he flushed, "she was…." He shook his head, "That's not what we're here to talk about. You're having problems, Shinobu. My being stupid shouldn't be one of them." Curling his hands into a giant fist, he set himself so that he was facing her and tried to impart the same sense of listening that he had seen from his new family, "Please, what is it we can do to help?"

Shinobu's lips curled down, which drew her head downwards, and she began to tear a cloth napkin apart as she spoke, "Do you know a way to travel back in time? Because I don't know what I can do otherwise."

Shinji froze, visibly. Hikari saw him lock up, and thought that he was trying to formulate a rational answer to the fear of the past, so she interjected to help him along, "The past is just that, Shinobu. It's sometimes bad, sometimes good, but it's always behind us. Making the best of the future is more important, and doing what's right in the present is how we accomplish that. Shinji is trying his hardest to make his present better, because his past is horrible too. But he does that by talking about it," she smiled at Shinji as he began to relax, then turned back to regard Shinobu, "so what happened?"

"I asked an idiot if he wanted to date me," she groused. "When he said 'yes', I didn't remember he was an idiot."

Shinji's mind went darker than it normally would, his thoughts strained at the moment by everything the day had brought, "Did he hurt you?" He couldn't gain revenge for her personally, but he could arrange for something unfortunate to happen if the man had. Section Two would probably accept a well-cooked steak or two as payment in exchange for a surreptitious visit to this inn. _Stop it,_ he chastised himself. _There's no reason to believe that he'd do something like that._

"Yes." She looked at the table again, "Not physically, just…I thought he'd be willing to try for a bit longer than a week to not get involved in anything stupid. That he'd be willing to say 'no' to the others stupid requests." Her ire rose, "He agreed to go on a date with Naru and Mutsumi together because of a stupid promise he can't remember making, and then flirted back when they promised him a good time. Stupid."

"He doesn't remember the promise?" Shinji tried to puzzle out her meaning, "Why would he be quick to keep a promise he can't remember making? How does he know that they're telling him the truth?"

"Because they both swear he made the promise," she groaned. "Naru lies all the time, he just has this stupid blind spot for her and her stupid breasts." Hugging herself, her self-image problems obvious even to Shinji, she blinked as tears fought to free themselves, "And you think _her_ stupid breasts are big, Mutsumi walks around eating watermelons all day smaller than hers! Stupid Keitaro." Snapping to look at Shinji, she gripped the rim of her seat, "You wouldn't go out on a date with someone else while you were with Hikari, right Shinji?"

"R-right," he nodded. "It wouldn't be fair to Hikari. B-but something like today, where she and I take you somewhere, that's different." He wanted to make clear that he hadn't forgotten what Hikari had said, despite her having supposedly changed her mind. "Because she and I are here together, and can take our friend on a date to spend time together, to get to know one another, right?"

Hikari blinked, her own words once more being put to devastatingly effective use by her boyfriend, then jumped on the opening he had presented, "That's right! You could always tell Keitaro that he should include you in the outing, that way he's going with his girlfriend, and making sure his friends know he'll keep his promises."

Shinobu's eyes widened, "That's…that's right! Just because you're dating, it doesn't mean you can't be good friends with someone! I…I should be able to explain it to him, tell him that he's _my_ boyfriend, and that he shouldn't neglect me just to keep a promise he can't remember." Her good cheer died quickly, "But what if he has a better time with them than me?"

Shinji knew the answer to that, "Then is he really the man for you?" Summoning the spirit of Toshiro, he reached over and gripped her shoulder, "You are a charming, intelligent, beautiful young woman, Shinobu. If he can't see that, it's his loss. But you deserve a partner, male or female, that will treat you as the most precious person in their world, not as some sort of consolation prize or 'pass-time' partner."

Shinobu's eyes glowed with gratitude, and other emotions that he couldn't quite place. However, the waitress took the opportunity to arrive with their order, forcing Shinji back from the woman he was consoling, nearly sitting on him in the process of setting down the tray on a special stand, "Sorry everyone, the order took a bit longer than expected. The kitchen wanted to make sure everything was perfect." Placing Hikari and Shinobu's orders in front of them, she twisted so that could slide Shinji's fruit-filled sandwich while displaying a perfect view down her blouse, "Anything else we can offer?"

"I'm fine." It wasn't that Shinji was ignorant of what was expected when someone flirted with him, because he expected it of himself long before anyone else expected it of him. He just didn't detect flirting the way everyone else seemed to be able to. Remembering the incident in the locker room, the way that afterwards Hikari had stomped and shouted about how it was terrible that anyone would do that to him, he brought to mind the feeling he had when the woman had asked what Hikari had that she didn't, and knew what he could do here. "But I'm sure my girlfriend, or my girl friend, might have something they need." Water would have frozen solid in the presence of his tone, "Hikari-Chan? Shinobu-Chan? Anything? Remember, I'm paying."

"I have everything I could ever want," Hikari smiled happily. "Thank you, dear."

"Oh I'm fine," Shinobu added with a smirk. "You know how huggy I get with too much sugar, wouldn't want to act disgraceful in public."

The waitress ducked her head, turning on her heel and walking off rapidly, the message received loud and clear.

"That, Shinobu," Hikari giggled as she tapped her spoon into her ice cream, "is why I don't lose my patience with him."

"I'd deserve it if she did," Shinji smiled meekly. "I'm kind of slow to pick up on the obvious."

"You're a treasure, Shinji," Shinobu reached over and gripped his hand tightly. "And I wish Keitaro acted half as firmly as you do." Picking up her spoon, she laughed at the warmth she felt witnessing how he had put his foot down for his girlfriend, "But you might want to be careful, I might convince Hikari to share you with me, if Keitaro keeps acting foolish." She scooped the cherry out of her cup of mousse, offering it to Hikari. When his girlfriend rolled her eyes at the playful banter and accepted the end of the spoon into her mouth, the young woman dropped the other shoe with a wink., "Maybe convince you to share her with me, too."

Shinji kept his face devoid of emotion, an act he was rather proud of, as Hikari swallowed the cherry with a bright rosy blush. He wanted to point out that the bluenette's flirting, it was too obvious to be anything else, was the exact kind of behavior she disliked from her own boyfriend. But her mood had improved, and he wanted to believe that Shinobu was just engaging in the kind of shell game he'd expect from Misato. Maybe it was naïve, but if he couldn't try and see the best in people why was he trying to make their life better at all?

+++++ 3rd Angel + 10 : Monday (11)

"I nearly choked," Hikari admitted while she helped Shinji with the dinner dishes. "We were listening to her complain about Keitaro, about how he wasn't treating her like a girlfriend, and then boom! She's looking at me like I'm her dessert!" She tittered incredulously, "I mean, I'm flattered, sure, but…this was the woman who sat there and laid out the waitress' indiscretions. I'm just glad you aren't upset that I didn't step down harshly on her comment."

"I thought the same thing," Shinji nodded, "It's why I didn't get upset over it. Ultimately, she wasn't down in the dumps anymore. Honestly, maybe she and Keitaro aren't meant for each other. If she's seeing other options, and he's not being firm about his commitment, it doesn't sound healthy. But, like you said, it's not any of our business except to offer her advice as we can."

"Speaking of other options," Hikari took the final dish to be dried, "we need to talk to Ritsuko-San and Maya-San about Ayanami-San. She said she would seek 'clarification' regarding her orders, which could mean that she'll keep doing what she did today."

"I already texted them," Shinji worked the small towel he was drying his hands with into a tight cord. "I'm waiting for a response. Maya-San said she'd look into it, Ritsuko-San hasn't responded at all. I don't really know what else to do." His frustrations were mounting, as the more that he thought about the possibility of a link between his physical changes and Rei's mental changes, the more likely it seemed that the LCL was involved. If she had been exposed to the L-Nine to expedite her recovery, there was no way of telling what may have happened.

Setting the last dish where it belonged, Hikari turned and gently removed the towel from his grip. She could see he needed to settle himself, his frustrations evident and manifold. "Let's go take a look at where we can hang that charm, then. If we're waiting for an answer, then the matter is as dealt with as it can be." Scratching his back as she passed, she took the lead, guiding him towards his room. Stopping at the threshold, she leaned against the doorframe and waited for him to invite her in.

Shinji slid the door open, "Sorry about the clothes still sitting out." His laundry had increased exponentially, and now he had to find a way to appropriately organize and store it all. The new overshirts all hung neatly in his closet, his slacks hidden by the closed panel. The 'mess' as he would describe it, was simply neatly folded clothes destined for the drawers or the shelf above his overclothes. "I promise, I don't normally leave my room like this."

Hikari rolled her eyes, "Shinji, if Nozomi could keep her room half this clean I'd be thrilled." Spying the charm, and the note, she ignored the latter and picked up the former to hold up and admire, "Very nice handiwork, if she made this in just a few days, she's clearly had a great deal of practice."

"I'm sorry about that too," he tugged one drawer open and began to set his socks and boxers inside. "I had meant to talk to you, before I opened the bag. Thought maybe it was yours, and I didn't want to pry. Nozomi knocked, though, and I dropped the bag at the unexpected sound." Shifting the contents around so that they were evenly dressed with each other, he nodded in satisfaction, "I had decided after I read the note to talk to you about it this morning, but forgot after Kodama asked for seaweed vegetable rolls and rice."

"It's ok," Hikari waved away his concerns. "I trust you, Shinji. I wish you had more stuff to display, though. It would give us someplace to put this that didn't make it seem so lonely." Deciding on hanging it by the corkboard intended for him to display photos and notes, she held it in place with her thumb and turned to regard him, "What about here? It's over your desk, so you'll see it from time to time, but not out in the middle of nowhere where it would seem awkwardly displayed?"

"S-sure," he nodded. "So long as you're ok with me displaying it," he looked back out to the main house, "where do you keep your tools? I'll hang the nail."

"In the closet under the stairs." She smiled inwardly as he hurried out to acquire the necessary tools, _He trusts me alone in his room._ The temptation to read the note was present, but bearable. She wanted to see what he did: not to test him, but to gain insight into the way his mind worked. If he tacked it to the corkboard, she could see him returning the 'fondness' Yang offered. If he left it on his desk, perhaps he was thinking more deeply, or maybe just wanting to write a 'thank you' note of his own. If he threw it away, then she would clearly not need to worry at all in the short term.

"Got it," he came back into the room carrying a simple hammer, a slender nail in between his fingers, "where do you think I should put it?"

"Here," she tapped the wall with the loop. "What do you think?"

"I think I trust you more than me," he grinned self-effacingly, "I've never really decorated a room." Allowing her to move clear, he set the nail in place, looked back to her for confirmation, then tapped it in. At that point, a trembler hit their area. The sudden motion caused him to reach forward to brace himself, smashing the nose of the hammer against his thumb.

The minor quake passed as soon as it had begun, neither of them worse for the wear. Hikari had, however, taken note of his minor accident, "Are you ok?" She gripped his hand, "You know I don't mind if you show when something hurts, right? I'd much rather you come to us when you need help." _Daddy never does._

"O-oh." He hadn't felt it at all, "Sorry."

"Here," she grinned playfully, "let me kiss it and make it better." Lifting his thumb, she gently touched her lips to the pad, keeping her eyes on his. "Oh dear," a false display of concern, batting her eyelashes, "it seems this needs," her voice became breathy, "something more."

Shinji swallowed hard as she placed his thumb in her mouth. Keeping his hand rigid, his nerves unable to allow him to relax, he felt the suction she created pull him in firmly. When she closed her eyes and slowly worked her tongue along the side of his digit, he gripped the nearest stable surface for balance. Missing the back of his chair, his desk, and her shoulder, his free hand fell against her side at the hip.

Encouraged by, and unaware of the accidental nature of, the display of affection on his part, she stepped up her efforts. While Kodama had warned her that his fingers may taste of whatever he had been working with prior to her attempting this, she was certain that at no point in the past few hours had he been anywhere near vanilla extract. It was an odd taste, when paired with the texture, but she had been braced for dish soap and wood, so didn't mind the oddity. Feeling him shudder, and sit heavily against the desk, she celebrated internally, maintaining the seduction. Moving with his motion she let herself step forward, releasing her seal around his hand.

"Th-that…wow," his mind wasn't firing the way it ought to. _I…I should apologize, I'm holding her hip like this._ His 'injured' hand, now free, moved to mirror its traitorous counterpart. _W-wait…._ He could look into her eyes forever, never tiring of the changing coloration. The brown and green circles blended together, a gorgeous, earthy coloration that screamed of calm blessings.

Moving to stand on her toes, as she often had to in order to kiss her boyfriend, Hikari squeaked when he instead picked her up and brought her towards him. _Yes!_ The spike of victory powered her arms around his shoulders, _He's doing it!_ He had become better at kissing, a skill neither of them had much practice in, and what had started in the first days of their relationship as little more than lips meeting had progressed towards eager exploration of the varied methods the act could involve.

Grateful that she had chosen to put on house pants, she hitched her knees atop the desk on either side of his torso. In the process, knocking the note from Yang off onto the floor and under the nearby clothing drawers. While it felt that he could hold her there forever, she wanted to free his hands up to walk along her body. It was a little awkward, but once she found her balance point his hands moved to a distinctly pleasurable location under her rump. His grip was powerful, yet still gentle enough to enjoy. She wanted him. Wanted to show him the passion she felt, show him that love wasn't put-downs and berating.

Shinji's mind was at war with itself, his body reacting to the desperate need for affection by latching onto the openly welcoming offer his girlfriend had on display. His mind kept demanding that he release her, that she wasn't asking for this, but each time his hands relaxed to let her go, she clutched tighter with her knees and wrists. There was no mistaking her, she was right where she wanted to be. His mind began to lose more and more ground, his hormones and longing for warmth combining into a nearly unstoppable army. His main weakness would not, however allow things to continue. He could feel his personal shame demanding to be set free, and that was ultimately what lost the battle for his body.

Lifting free of the kiss, he laid his forehead against her shoulder, "I…I need…t-to stop." If he allowed this to carry forward, he didn't know what he would do. Make a mess of himself? Most likely outcome. Carry her to the futon and make a mess of everything? Not incredibly likely, but certainly the most terrifying outcome. Whatever it was that he might do, he had to control what he did do. "I-I'm…." He swallowed, words failing him. The low, mantra-like, chant of 'pervert' made summoning any eloquence nearly impossible.

"Soon, Shinji," rubbing her cheek against the side of his head, she let her fingers crawl along his spine, "soon you'll not hear that voice anymore. It'll be just you, me, and the rest of our lives."

He held her close, supporting her non-existent weight easily. He wanted to believe her, wanted to know what it was like to be the kind of man she thought he could become. But his confidence in his ability to overcome his own weakness, and his fears that he wasn't the man for her, taunted him still. _She can do so much better than me. She_ should _do so much better._

+++++ 3rd Angel + 11 : Tuesday (12)

"And how would you characterize her cooperation, now that she has seen the Third Child?" Kozo hated 'un-personing' Shinji like that, but appearances had to be maintained, and Commander Ikari would not allow 'Gendo Ikari' to be seen in these meetings.

Ritsuko scowled, "Improved. She's no longer pushing the line towards disobedience, and is actively engaging with the tests and therapies as I direct them." Her eyebrow raised along with her irritation, "However, her behavior at school has caused troubles for Shinji." The bottle-blonde wouldn't play their games anymore. If she was going to be held responsible for him, then she was going to get satisfaction, one way or another.

The old professor suppressed his grin at the doctor's obvious taunts. His efforts at isolating the man beside him from potential avenues of abandoning the plan proceeded apace. "How so?"

"According to his text," she pulled out her phone, "I quote, 'Ritsuko-San, Ayanami-San is acting like she's supposed to be my slave. She doesn't seem like the kind of woman that would make a joke about this. Is someone at NERV demanding she do this? It's making paying attention in class hard.' The part that impresses me, however, 'Can you tell her not to? I tried, but she insisted that it was her duty. Nobody should be treated like she seems to want to be.' He's going to begin to struggle scholastically if he's having to fend off her monomania while in class."

"I assume you've spoken with her." Kozo's day kept swinging higher, Shinji was handed a chance many young men would happily abuse, and his first course of action was to find a way to stop potential abuse from occurring. "Was there an explanation?"

"That is why I didn't say 'back to normal'," Ritsuko growled. "The little imp said that she would do whatever she needed to so that 'Pilot Ikari' is ready to defeat the Angels. She then started asking about his preferred foods, exercises, and pass times, as well as his measurements." Whatever had happened, the clone's single-minded devotion to Gendo had apparently been supplanted. "If I didn't know better, I'd say that she had somehow come across a dating magazine and took it to heart."

He didn't like that thought. While he held no malice for the Child, he did not want her complicating Shinji's courtship of Hikari. The situation was odd enough without that being added into the mix. "Without Unit-00 to give her an outlet, she may simply be seeking an alternate way to fulfill her duty." He looked to Gendo, "Perhaps we could expedite the cross-platform testing? See how she works inside of Unit-01."

"No," the Commander narrowed his eyes. "Let us see how the Third Child handles this."


	15. Chapter 15

+++++ 3rd Angel + 11 : Tuesday (12)

Shinji sat at his desk, surrounded by his 'helpers', cursing the rainstorm that had taken away his chance to sit outside with Hikari. He had been slow to sleep, his body demanding satisfaction after Hikari's unexpected, but not unwelcome, advancement of their relationship. The knowledge that more time would be spent, when possible, in such pleasant diversion was making him jittery. The knowledge that his girlfriend sat at his right hand, calm and composed, was leading him to lament his weakness. If she wasn't as affected by their kiss, he clearly had to find ways to improve. He wanted her to stay, even if he knew she shouldn't, and so he couldn't leave her wanting.

Hikari sat at her desk, mentally chanting a demand that she remain in control of herself. Her memory of the evening before caused the day to drag along. Shinji had a tutoring session with Ritsuko following a test of some sort, and they were expected at NERV as soon as class let out for the day. Before that, she had to navigate four more class periods, somehow focusing enough to study despite her boyfriend magnetically attracting her. _How does he know how to kiss like that?_ Partitioning that segment of last night's memory off so that she could run it over and over on a loop, she sent ill-thoughts to the sky that stopped her from taking him and finding a more secluded spot than the oak tree.

By general agreement, and against what he truly wanted to do, everyone ignored Rei's nearby presence. He hadn't received an answer from Ritsuko, and Maya's eventual follow-up was limited to agreeing with his sentiment and a request for more time to investigate, so all he could do was ask her to occupy her time constructively and otherwise not engage. The lunch period had begun with an attempt at including her in conversations, only to discover that she'd respond to him and him alone.

That, however, was less disastrous than what happened before classes had started when he had lifted Hikari up to trap a spider that had made its way inside. When he set her back down, allowing her to take the unfortunate creature to the window, he had reveled in being allowed to touch her around the waist once again.

"You are excited," Rei stated from the doorway. "Do you require assistance w-"

He hadn't intended to shout, had really just wanted to let her know that he was fine and everything was under control. Owing to a conversation on the way to school over the different interpretations of Rei's statement that she would provide him whatever he desired, he now had to contend with not only memories of Hikari's glorious engagement, but thoughts of Rei's nude form and the feel of her flesh in a similar position. He'd sooner tear it off than even begin to contemplate allowing his fellow pilot to assist him, both out of loyalty to his girlfriend and in an effort to not dehumanize the poor bluenette any further.

With his body pushing further towards an awakening he never had the first time through, he wasn't sure how he was going to survive school anymore. Yang had snagged the spot to his left today, and as the young woman animatedly shared stories from her time at the restaurant her leg kept bumping his. It wouldn't be so bad, had Shinji's habit of drumming on his knees when nervous not been in play. Every so often, her knee would bump his, and he'd have a handful of Yang's lower quad instead of his own.

The way that Tsuru sat, and her position next to Hikari, allowed the light from the windows to amplify her seafoam green eyes. The young woman was powerful, and held that power closely. The result was that she showed her emotions through those gorgeous portals, and Yang's stories were setting those emotions on a parade course that drew Shinji's attention.

Natsuko kept stretching, complaining of a sore back, and the generously proportioned child of summer wound up stretching the fabric of her shirt in ways that displayed the powder-blue coloration of her bra. The change in coloration was hard to miss out of the corner of his eye, despite his attempts to look away whenever she did so.

Rounding out his recently-awakened libido's torments for the day, Seika's laughter and warm rejoinders to Yang's stories tickled the part of his brain that adored music. The rich, well-trained, tones were addictive to hear, and the way that she smiled at him when he added his own piece to certain jokes forced him to admit that he was indeed attracted to her, physically.

He was attracted to all of them, but none more so than the woman who had already claimed him. He'd have to find a way to admit his weakness to her, without worrying her. He'd not stray, it wasn't in him to do. But he felt guilty for the way that his body responded to the varying displays of femininity. Hikari's beauty went beyond simple things, or single facets of her form. Her character, her drive, her mind, those all amplified the physical, they called to him like the sirens of old. _I'd happily crash against those shores…._ "Oh, look at the time!" He clenched his hands tightly, "It always seems to fly past during lunch, doesn't it?" _IDIOT._

"Hopefully it will fly past later during your tests," Hikari pushed her desk back into place, "because we need to brush up on our English during your tutoring session." She blushed prettily, "Not that I'm offended you mistook 'fiancée' and 'girlfriend', but you really should propose first, Shinji."

"Isn't it too soon, though?" Seika helped Yang put her desk back, "I mean, when you go away to college, Hikari-Chan, would you really want to have such a long-distance relationship?"

Tsuru stood patiently waiting for the other desks to be moved, "What are you going to do for college, Shinji-Kun?"

"I…won't be going," he shrugged. "I go to school because NERV wants it to seem like I'm being given a chance to have a normal life, but ultimately…I can't be too far away from base. If an Angel attacked, and I was too far away…." He looked over to Hikari, "A normal life isn't in my future." He began to put everything away, "Not so long as there's a chance that we'll be attacked again."

"I understand," Tsuru frowned. Moving her desk slowly, she let a rare frown out, "My family does not make enough money to send me to further education. Unless I find a suitable career, or a husband of my own choosing, it's likely that I'll begin having arranged matchmaking dates after graduation." Setting her desk behind Yang's, she settled demurely in her chair, "It is a terrible feeling to know that you can't control your own destiny."

Shinji saw an opportunity to help, "What is it you want to do, Tsuru-San?" He couldn't find her a husband, or better to say he _wouldn't_ find her a husband, but he could try and find a way to make her career aspirations possible.

"I want to study medicine, become a pharmacist," she blushed at his sudden interest. "Chemistry has always interested me, my grandfather would often prepare traditional medicines, and he would explain the compound reactions and why they worked. He was very patient with me, and I think he'd have liked it if I followed him."

"Hikari-Chan," Shinji turned back to his girlfriend, "didn't your sister say that there was a program that allowed her to pay back her debt if she took a job at one of the hospitals the program listed?"

"It's focused on recruiting for under-staffed areas," Hikari nodded. "Tsuru-Chan, didn't you say that you're living here because the village you're from was hit pretty hard by Second Impact?"

"Yes," she nodded slowly. "The hospital always has a difficult time recruiting, it's what started me thinking along the lines of a career that would be of use." She beamed a smile at Shinji, "It's a wonderful place, it really is. Too many people think 'rural' and dismiss us as back-water yokels."

"I…know how that is," post-Impact Nagano had its population reduced dramatically. The first decade had passed with the surviving populace focused on reclaiming farmland, and most important commercial and industrial traffic avoided the area, reducing it to little more than a shade of its former tourist-abundant self. "Let Hikari-Chan and I ask around, maybe we can find a program that would allow you to study what you'd like. If they have an agreement with the hospitals in your area, you could still control your own fate."

"I'm sending a text to Kodama now," Hikari announced firmly. "She'll know where you can start searching, Tsuru-Chan. We'd be poor Class Reps if Shinji-Kun and I didn't help you reach towards your fullest potential." _Reach somewhere other than towards my boyfriend, if nothing else._

+++++ 3rd Angel + 11 : Tuesday (12)

Maya tapped the keys to drain Shinji's entry plug, "You're good to go, Shinji-Kun!" The chipper tech walked over to help him climb out, "You're doing great, by the way. You adapted to the changes in plug depth really quickly." Providing what balance she could for him, more to help him control his fall if he should slip than anything else, she tilted her head, "Oh, and Hikari-Chan's feeling better. I still think she took it better than I thought she might have."

"The suit is…something that takes getting used to, I guess." Shinji hoped his girlfriend hadn't hurt herself when she fainted. His embarrassment threshold had climbed significantly since he had spent those long hours in Unit-01 training. If nobody said anything, he slowly started to forget he was wearing tinted cellophane.

"You hit the showers, I'll go check in on her. If she's good enough to walk around, we'll all head to the lab for your tutoring session." She walked over to the sink to wash the stray LCL off her hands, "I'm actually fairly fluent in English, so this will be something I can work with you on."

Shinji ducked into the lockers, grateful that the testing was done for the day. Keeping his mind clear of noise was hard when he fretted over Hikari, and the difficulty ramped up further when he realized that he was the reason she might have hurt herself. That he forgot to prepare her for the new suit was something he'd have to find a way to apologize for. Showering off was much faster after the earlier shopping trip, the new hair and body washes worked fantastically to cut through everything. "Such a simple change," he muttered after he rinsed his mouth out. "I should have thought of it myself." Throwing on clean clothing, a new 'hanging around' outfit at Hikari's insistence, Shinji packed everything carefully and walked out of the room, nearly bowling over Rei. "A-Ayanami-San!"

Skipping over any preamble, the bluenette got right to the point, "You hear her voice, do you not?"

"H-her?" Shinji blinked, "Ayanami-San, did you-"

"Do not attempt to mislead me, Pilot Ikari. She told me that you have been marked by her," she looked him up and down. "You do not appear as your records indicate you should. You also do not appear fully human. Are your records false, is she lying?"

"N-no, I…uhm, I went into a tank of LCL. L-Nine, it-"

"I am aware of its properties." She frowned, a miniscule downturn of her lips, "She spoke to you, changed you. She told me many things, did she also tell you?"

"No?" Shinji began to worry, Rei seemed frustrated, angry. "Ayanami-San-"

"I do not understand your unwillingness to allow my assistance," she pressed on, "I have been instructed to ease your pain. Why do you not wish to allow me to fulfill my duty? Do you not believe me worthy?"

"W-worthy?" _Damn stammer!_ "Ay-"

"We are out of time," she turned to walk away, her slight limp bringing pain to his heart. "Do not trust your father. He lied."

He could do nothing more than stand there, gob-smacked, as Rei exited the lab through the far door. If she was talking about the woman's voice, the one that brought him back. If that was the same voice that he remembered from the L-Nine, the whisper in his mind that kept telling him not to fight the changes…. "Are you one of those?"

"One of what?" Maya's question nearly caused him to jump out of his skin, "Oh my goodness, Shinji, I'm sorry, I thought you heard me!" Hardly a kunoichi, Maya had simply walked up by him while he was focused completely on the Ayanami Dilemma.

"I-I'm fine," his heart was in his nostrils. "J-just…thinking out loud. Ayanami-San, frustrations…stuff." Flapping his arms against his sides, he attempted to bring his pulse back in line with his activities, "You know?"

"I'm so sorry," Maya wrung her hands together, "we were told that she was to be allowed to try and build a relationship with you, as friends. She doesn't have any that we know of, and so we're hoping that maybe…well, you and Hikari-Chan are good people."

"I'll try," Shinji nodded, eager to move the conversation away from dangerous waters. "B-but, I can't do much if she doesn't talk to anyone else."

+++++ 3rd Angel + 11 : Tuesday (12)

"Round out your mouth more," Maya cupped his chin, demonstrating the proper positioning with her own mouth while manipulating his. "The reason you're sounding awkward is that you're elongating the aperture. With a more round opening, you'll find the sound comes more naturally."

"Crayon." Shinji repeated the word, "Crrrayyyonnn."

"Very good!" Hikari clapped, "See, Shinji? You sound much more natural like that."

"I don't understand why they have so many contradictory sounds for their alphabet," he flexed his jaw after having stretched it in a new, odd, fashion. "It's like the language was assembled by drunkenly writing down the rules at random, then ignoring them completely!"

"Some would say the same of Japanese," Ritsuko shrugged from her position at the board. "When you look at it from a Western perspective, our reliance on pictograms instead of an alphabet is a glaring weakness for cross-cultural exchange." Finishing the new sentence, she turned to Hikari and gestured for her to engage. She had made an active effort all evening to avoid directly interacting Shinji, leaving it to Maya instead. Watching him struggle was enough. She didn't need to touch his face, his jaw…help him move his tongue….

"The dark grey wood would look lovely with the bright blonde accents." She giggled, "That's a lot of tongue work."

"Which you did admirably," Maya called encouragingly. "Shinji, your turn."

"Thhhee dahrkk," he grimaced. "It's infuriating!" With a gesture to the board, he translated the sentence easily, "The fact that the dark grey wood is appealing when paired with yellow trim somehow confounds the tongue when I try to use the world's second most common language! I know my accent is abominable, but if the only way to repair it is to unhinge my jaw, what good is it?"

"At least you can read it," Maya made a soothing motion. "Let's break the sentence down slower."

"Why don't we instead call it an evening," Ritsuko countered. Her urge to correct him was becoming too great to ignore, "We've kept them long enough, and translation and understanding are really what the school is interested in regardless." She looked to the clock, "Two hours of study is nothing to sneeze at, and I'm sure they have other things they wanted to practice at home."

"I agree," Hikari stated amicably. "Thank you for your assistance, Maya-San, Ritsuko-San. Shinji, why don't you help Maya-San clean up, I need to ask Ritsuko-San a favor." The freckle-faced beauty walked over to a corner of the room with the statuesque bottle-blonde. Once she was certain they were far enough away from Shinji, she took a second to compose herself.

Ritsuko was a veneer of calm over a roiling mass of panic. Had she noticed? Was Hikari about to ask her to stop making eyes at her boyfriend? Would she tell everyone that she was fantasizing about Shinji bending her over the-

"When you and I first met, Ritsuko-San, you made a joke about internship." Hikari tried to maintain her poise, knowing that what she was doing was terribly impolite. "And I know that I'm not in any position to beg any favors, but I was hoping that you might know of a way for me to work in your Division once I graduate." Looking towards Shinji, who was currently swaying back and forth as he cleaned the whiteboard, "If our relationship lasts, I don't want to abandon him to go to college." She turned back to the woman she admired, "But I want to build a future for myself, so that I can stand tall when I marry him, instead of just abusing his good will and living in his house. If I intern here, study under the professionals that work to keep us safe…maybe if there's ever an end to the threat, I can apply to a college and show that I wasn't just eating bon-bons."

 _I need to get laid._ "What in particular interests you, Hikari-Chan?" Thoughts of Shinji and Hikari combining their efforts danced through her mind, "You did show a solid touch with the MAGI code."

"To be honest, I wanted to study education," she shrugged. "Teaching comes easily to me, and I don't doubt that I'd have as many recommendations from my school as I wanted. But that wouldn't keep me here, and wouldn't work with your offer. If I were to focus on Computer Science, use my time as an intern learning more about the MAGI OS, what would I be doing?"

"Working under me," Ritsuko winced at the unintended entendre, "you'd start with debugging test sequences. Fetching coffee," _in a neko-maid outfit_ , "assisting Maya-Kun with whatever she needed, developing my trust that I could give you more specialized projects to work on." _Like me._ She needed to get them out of her lab, "Give it some thought, I'd work you hard. You might end up wanting to just accept Shinji's good graces."

"Thank you," she bowed quickly, "I'll give it some thought, but I don't mind hard work at all. If you can't, then you can't. But if you can, please keep me in mind, Ritsuko-San. I'll do anything you ask, no complaints!"

Maya's bright call provided salvation, "We're ready!"

 _I'm going to give her a raise._ "We'll talk more later about it, Hikari-Chan. Don't worry, I can always find a position for a motivated young lady like yourself." _I wonder if she swims?_

+++++ 3rd Angel + 11 : Tuesday (12)

Once they were home, Shinji quietly took Hikari's hand and tilted his head towards his room. The young woman thrilled at his touch, quite happy to encourage further displays of physical romance from her recalcitrant beau. Doing a quick check for her family, she figured everyone would be otherwise occupied and it was safe to proceed. Nozomi was upstairs, as easily identified by the stomping bounce as she danced to her preferred music. Kodama would be studying, able to tune out the dying of the sun itself when she chose to. The note from her father she spied on the refrigerator likely indicated a long night at work. This could be great! She'd get to...

Shinji sat her down on the chair at his desk, "I'm sorry, I forgot. Ritsuko-San mentioned other things to practice…." Stepping over to his cello case, he hefted the instrument out and easily carried it over to her, "I promised to teach you, and…well, I doubt Toshiro-San is going to box me about the head and shoulders for touching you, so…." Setting the instrument between her legs, he helped her position her hands so that she could hold it up, "We'll start with a simple bow exercise, get you used to the movement."

 _Cello practice?_ Schooling her face, trying not to let her tangled emotions show, she tamped back down her desires. It was her own fault for getting her hopes up, she should have anticipated that he wouldn't be so eager. If she asked, he would. If she set the cello aside and tackled him to the futon, he'd let her. But she loved him as he was, and he was keeping his promise. When he placed the bow in her hand, sliding her fingers into place to hold it properly, she had her mind back into the mode of learning.

When he swung his leg over the back of the chair, placing himself directly behind and firmly against her, learning suddenly became the latest victim of her hormones campaign of terror.

His voice was gentle, "Let me guide your arm, at first."

She felt him move her other hand up to the neck of the instrument, loosely placing her fingers where they'd become accustomed to the strings. Her other hand and arm were nestled inside of his, and he began to move hers with his, a sliding caress against the strings to produce a steady, open, note.

"Stiffen your arm some," his breath tickled her neck as it shifted her hair, "there you go."

Time drifted past, her back warmed by his presence, her heart pounding at the way he moved her body so easily. It was magical, being so completely at his tender mercy; knowing that she was safe, that she was loved. He kept a running narration of what he was doing, how his fingers were positioning hers to create basic chords, how his wrist shifted with hers to change the pitch the bow's contact with the strings achieved. When he pulled the bow slowly aside, tilting so that he could look at her, she saw the look of concern before he spoke.

"Does that make sense? I haven't taught before, but this is how I learned, and I figured I'd give it a shot."

Trust her boyfriend to make something so sensual and not even notice he had done it. "That was fantastic, Shinji," she knew her voice was breathy, and she didn't care. "We should study more often."

"Are you ok?" He lifted from his perch easily, taking the cello and setting it down nearby before kneeling in front of her, worry plain on his features, "Are you-"

"Play me something," she handed him the bow, not wanting him to ruin the mood. "Something…something romantic." Moving to kneel nearby, she urged him into the seat, "Anything, Shinji. Just…play me a song."

"Romantic?" The term meaning two very different things to the two people speaking with one another, Shinji brought the first song he could recall from the Romantic Era to mind, nodding, "Ok…I can do that." Picking up his only childhood friend, he recalled Cello Concerto in B minor, Op. 104, B. 191, believing Dvořák would be something that would meet her request. Despite it being composed as a solo concerto, he knew it was scored for a full romantic orchestra. He could play it by heart, his sensei demanded he practice it endlessly. Closing his eyes, he began.

What followed was, for Hikari, a forty-one-minute lesson in how painful it was to be a child without a childhood. The concerto was perfectly played, beautiful in its composition. But nothing he showed her indicated he understood that beauty. Watching him pour his emotions out through the instrument, the way his face could hide nothing as every second was indelibly tied to another from his past. She saw fear, pain, loss, hunger. Then, slowly, she saw rage. A wrath built as he played, his movements crisp and unyielding, a savage determination. What followed seemed torn, as if struggling to find what he should tether himself to. The end of the piece created the purest dissonance she could possibly have witnessed, the soaring and triumphant crescendo seemed buried in loneliness and isolation, as if he would forever sit in a blackened room, shivering alone with no hope of salvation.

She watched his face resume its typical anxious pose, "How was that?"

There was only one possible way to answer such a clear cry for help, "I love you." Scooting forward, taking the cello and carefully setting it aside, then placing the bow on his desk, she perched herself on his lap sideways, "I swear, Shinji, for as long as I'm on this side of the river, you will never be alone again." Twining her fingers through his hair, she fought back the darkness with the brilliant warmth of loving affection. If he had nothing else on Earth to cling to, she would make certain he carried her Light for the rest of his life. She would tear it from her own chest if need be, but _her_ Shinji would know love.

+++++ 3rd Angel + 12 : Wednesday (13)

It was one of those ridiculous ideas that only came to fruition because Shinji's luck existed to torment him. He was on his hands, resting on his toes, in what someone more familiar with exercise would call the 'front-leaning rest position'. Perched on his back daintily, glaring at the other 'volunteers' that were nearby doing calisthenics, was his girlfriend. The rainstorm that started earlier in the day refused to subside, and so everyone was inside engaged in various physical pursuits while the teacher was off helping the nurse's office gain measurables.

Sitting on her hip, her legs tucked off to the side, she rested on her right palm, "Shinji, are you certain you want to keep doing this?"

"This was the agreement," he didn't even sound winded, despite holding the pose for five minutes straight now. "If I made that shot, they had to do wind sprints and I had to stay here with additional weight."

"That doesn't even make sense," she cried out. "You're being punished for making a basket from half court!"

"I'm not running wind sprints," he hefted his shoulders indifferently. "We all have to be doing something, and you're helping me by providing resistance." His voice lowered, to avoid embarrassing her, "Would you rather I run? If you don't want to do this, I can just say I'm following the Class Rep's demands."

She leaned forward, making eye contact, "I'd rather you weren't made to hold an uncomfortable position until your body quits!"

"I'm fine," he assured her. "To be honest, I'm surprised at how strong I am. I could probably do this with more weight on me, you're really light." He laughed, "I could hold another four or five of you, I'm sure."

"Horaki-Chan," the teacher called from the other side of the gym, "you have a call in the office. Hustle."

"I'll be back," she hopped off his back and jogged towards the office.

 _I wonder what that's about?_ A call for her would likely mean something involving his new home, or the people in it. Looking at the floor, the worst possible situations began to queue up in his mind. Nozomi could be hurt, Kodama could be hurt, Toshiro could be hurt, the house could have burned down, a million different situations and permutations tormented him as he held the position he promised.

Unaware of the world around him, he failed to notice Rei's approach. When a new weight alighted delicately on his back, he turned and saw his new blue-haired passenger calmly watching his four 'helpers'. "A-Ayanami-San?" She looked down at him, the anticipation of receiving an order evident, "Did you, uhm, need something?"

"They were arguing over who would take the place of the Class Representative as your additional weight," she received a pair of glares from Natsuko and Seika, while Yang rolled her eyes and Tsuru looked away with a blush. "As I am too injured to participate, I am the ideal candidate for this task."

"Oh. Well, I guess you are at that." He couldn't think of a reason to argue, as she'd have nothing else to do but sit on the sidelines and watch, otherwise. "Could I ask you something?"

"You may ask anything of me," she stated bluntly.

"Y-you shouldn't say things like that, Ayanami-San. Someone might get the wrong idea."

"It is the truth," her lack of concern with appearances seemed to remain in place, at least.

"Anyway," he didn't want to waste the opportunity to try and make sense of the night before, "you said my father lied. What did you mean?"

"He spoke many lies, which of them do you wish me to elaborate upon?"

Shinji grimaced, remembering a phrase that Hikari explained during class once, 'Garbage In, Garbage Out'. "You said I shouldn't trust him, because he lied. What were you referring to, then?"

"He stated that you were weak. A coward." There was a hint of distaste in her mouth as she spoke the words, "He spoke of a grand purpose for you and I. She has shown me that his designs are without merit. Your scenario is the only true path forward."

"My scenario?" Shinji blinked, "Ayanami-San, I don't have a scenario. I don't even know what I'm doing for dinner tonight, how could I have a scenario?"

The bluenette chose to remain silent, impassively watching the four young ladies.

Thinking of which question to ask, out of the hundreds swimming through his mind, he decided to stay on the track they had already begun down, "What was his purpose for us?"

Stating the facts as if it were a weather report, "You were to be driven slowly insane and I was to help you die."

"What?!" Trying to turn to face her, he forgot that he was the only reason she was where she was. As his body turned, she began to fall backwards. Attempting to arrest her fall, he let his arm collapse, dropping her forwards onto her feet as he slammed to the ground. The impact was jarring for him, but once more there was no pain. The 'helpers', however, moved as one to affect recovery operations.

For Rei, she simply turned to face him as he rolled onto his back, "I-"

"Shinji-Kun, are you ok?" Natsuko reached him first, pulling his head into her lap, "What happened?"

A similar fuss was made by Seika, who took the arm that had absorbed the impact and began to move her hands along it in a poor attempt to detect if anything was damaged. Tsuru stood with Yang in confronting Rei, the latter holding her arms out to impede the bluenette's efforts to approach Shinji, "What the hell, Ayanami?" The leggy waitress held a stern visage, "What'd you say to him? I don't know what's confusing you, but he's dating Hikari-Chan, all right? You need to back off him."

"I-it's ok," Shinji tried to move from his position without banging his head against the marshmallow hell heaving above him. His actions were hampered by not wanting to risk harming Seika, who held his arm closely, which limited his mobility immensely. "We were talking about…piloting. She told me something I wasn't ready to hear."

The situation continued its nosedive when Hikari's voice reached him, "Shinji," her irritation was very poorly masked, "did something happen?" _Would you ladies kindly stop this nonsense before I lose my composure and my position as Class Representative?_

Embracing the knowledge that it was statistically improbable for the ground to simply swallow him whole, he muttered a quiet wish for death, then lifted his free hand, "Could I have a hand up, please?" Yang turned and hopped over his torso to give him aid in getting to his base, "Thank you, Yang-San." Looking around at the rest of the class, who had turned to observe in amused silence as the Third Child dealt with the craziness that was his life, Shinji shook his head. "You went to the office, Ayanami-San took over the job of providing weight resistance, I tried to discuss piloting with her in order to try and understand her better, she said something I didn't expect, I overreacted. She was about to fall off, so I twisted to put her on her feet, and ended up landing hard. Natsuko-San and Seika-San were making sure I wasn't hurt, while Yang-San and Tsuru-San thought Ayanami-San had said something hurtful, instead of confusing." Bowing to his girlfriend, he finished with, "The fault is mine, I am sorry for disrupting class."

Hikari was truly impressed. Not only had he provided a succinct explanation for what had happened, but he managed to place the entirety of the blame on his own shoulders despite the evidence being overwhelmingly to the contrary. The key point, though, was that he hadn't stammered or panicked. She sighed, content to let his fib lie. He was doing what he felt a good leader should, and shouldering the blame for the people he was sworn to protect, "Go take a shower, Shinji. If you took a fall, I don't want to risk you injuring yourself. We only have a few minutes left anyway." Turning to the ladies, she raised an eyebrow, "Let's not go starting trouble when we're uncertain as to what may or may not have happened, all right?"

Shinji felt Rei's presence follow him as he made his way towards the lockers, "Ayanami-San? Are you hurt?"

"I am suffering from multiple bruises, muscle tears, and bone fractures." Her deadpan delivery reminded Shinji that the young woman had a literal streak, or one viciously dry wit.

"That's…not what I meant." He paused at the junction that sent the genders to their respective locker areas, "I mean were you hurt when I dumped you onto the floor?"

"No, your actions did not lead to further damage." She tilted her head, "I will not allow you to come to harm, Pilot Ikari. Your death would be inconvenient."

 _What on_ Earth _do I say to that?!_ "Th-thanks, Ayanami-San. But…why don't you just call me Shinji, ok? When I'm not at work, it's less awkward that way."

"Understood." She walked into the lady's locker room without turning back, leaving him alone and just as confused as he was when he started the day.

+++++ 3rd Angel + 12 : Wednesday (13)

Shinji stood in the hall leading from the locker rooms, once more facing away so that nobody would think he was potentially trying to sneak a glimpse inside. His eyes, therefore, were pointed down the hallway towards the main exits. It meant that he had to wave in reciprocation, or nod occasionally to a person passing by, an act he had practiced enough recently to begin to feel natural with.

He remained unaware that his quietude, born from a desire to not be noticed, worked with his LCL-gifted body to present an air of professional certitude that caused the traffic to increase around him wherever he was. As nobody knew him beyond reputation, his social circle still extremely limited, they drew their own assumptions from his polite, deferential, demeanor. People wanted to meet him, to get to know him, but mistook his shyness for maturity and respectfully kept their distance. After all, if the Number One student in the entire school had to fight to keep him as a boyfriend, what chance did anyone else have of keeping his interest?

Hikari walked past him, turning around to stand in his line of sight, so that instead of startling him he was aware she had arrived, "Sorry, I had a few extra talks with everyone. I appreciate what you tried to do, but they need to trust your ability to handle the situation. You're my sub-Rep, and if you aren't given a chance to do your job then you can't help them when it happens to them."

"If you say so," he had tried, but the way she spoke now was firmly in the 'Class Rep' speaking modality, and not the 'Girlfriend', so acceptance was the order of the day. "Is everything ok? I didn't get a chance to ask about the call, nobody got hurt?"

"Daddy wants us to see him at a local park," she nodded towards the exits, "he's bringing workout clothes."

"O-oh," Shinji moved to her right, the side she preferred him to be on, parting the river of students easily through sheer presence. "How far away?"

"Just a ten-minute walk," she smiled up at him. "Not that long."

"Ok." He frowned, "But why is he bringing workout clothes?"

She kept her tongue and put her outdoors shoes on. As expected, there were eavesdroppers everywhere. She loved Shinji as he was, but she didn't want it to become public knowledge that he wasn't trained in any hand-to-hand styles. While the general population of the school seemed to hold him in high regard, there were always other Toji Suzuhara-type students that led with their fists. It wasn't until she was far enough from the building that she could be certain that nobody was around, "Because he's brought several of his work associates, and today is the day we figure out your Arts."

"Arts?" Shinji rolled the word over in his head, "You mean…oh," his conversation with Toshiro came up in the mental rolodex, "you mean learning to fight."

"I mean learning to defend yourself," Hikari corrected firmly. "I don't want you to learn to fight, Shinji. I want you to learn to protect yourself. To protect Nozomi, or to be able to watch my back if we get into trouble that we can't talk our way out of." This was his girlfriend speaking, "I have no interest in being married to a musclebound dojo-rat. I don't want to turn the gentle man I love into some fighting manga protagonist, I want him to be able to survive against the idiots that my father deals with day in and day out."

The word 'married' triggered the image of her in the kimono again. _I need to stop that!_ As soon as it arrived, the thought was banished to the background, where it tittered and cavorted gaily. "I-I…uhm…s-sorry."

"Shinji," she looked sideways at him, "when I mention you and I marrying, what is it you see?" Once was happenstance, twice was a coincidence, and she didn't believe in coincidences.

"I-I…you." _Better to just be honest, she'll find out anyway, I suck at lying._ "W-with me." He blushed, "Like that…still kind of wearing a beautiful kimono."

 _Storing_ that _away for the wedding night._ "What did I say about apologizing for that?"

He recalled the words easily, "Th-that I would be the only man that never had to, if you had your way."

She nodded approvingly, "And what did I say about a Horaki?"

"They keep their word?"

"Keep that in mind," she bumped him with her hip playfully, "later tonight." If Kodama kept her word, she'd give Shinji an evening to remember. "For now, though. Focus on your instructors." She gestured to a huge pavilion tent that had been constructed in the center of the green. "I'll be playing with Nozomi," she gestured to the youngest Horaki, enjoying being pushed on the swing-set by her father.

Toshiro took note of their approach, one of several men gesturing subtly to indicate that his daughter and housemate had arrived, "Ah, Shinji. It's good of you to come." Easily halting his youngest child's momentum, he let her hop off and go sprinting towards her family members.

Nozomi's hair flying out behind her, she threw herself into the approach like she did anything else she did, with every ounce of her heart, "Nii-saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!"

Side-stepping her charge, he gave into another fit of whimsy with the little lady and gripped her under her arms, spinning her around to gain momentum, then tossing her up into the air. Catching her easily as she crowed joyously, he set her up on one shoulder with a warm smile, "Hello, Nozomi-Chan, did you study well?"

"Heee, that was fun!" Hugging his head, she giggled, "If I study hard more often, will you do that again?"

"Only if you can prove it," Hikari hitched her eyebrow. "Or did you think I wouldn't see that '85' you got in Science?"

"We'll have to study harder," Shinji whispered loudly. "That way we don't have to sneak in plane rides." Nozomi nodded eagerly, grinning gleefully and squirming until he set her back down. "Toshiro-San," he bowed in greeting, "I guess it's time for me to listen to your expertise. Hikari-Chan made several valid arguments that I have no counters for, so what do you need me to do?"

"There's an alcove under the tent, and a few training gi inside, find a good fit and make yourself available in the center. We'll be waiting." Nodding to Hikari, he turned and walked towards the pavilion with most of the men trailing along. There were a pair that stayed behind, clearly intending to keep an eye on Toshiro's children so that nobody attempted anything stupid around them.

Shinji accepted a leg-hug from Nozomi, while garnering a kiss from Hikari. "Thank you," she whispered into his ear, "for accepting my family, for _being_ my family." The freckle-faced beauty patted Nozomi on the head, "Let's go, you. We'll talk about what's making it hard in Science while you swing."

Twirling around repeatedly, the little girl danced to the swings giggling, "Hai!"

It hurt Shinji to watch. That much joy from the youngest Horaki, the praise and love from Hikari, it was still like standing inside an oven. It burned gloriously, unfamiliarly, and it terrified him every moment. _This could all go away._ He scowled as he turned to the tent, _I could wake up. This could all be a dream. Or tomorrow_ he _could decide that I'm not following his plan._ How did he balance this? How did he take the joy that was being so freely offered when it seemed too good to be true? How did he avoid being pushed to madness?

Stepping into the changing area, he noticed that the sizes were all fairly close to him. Unlike Ritsuko, Toshiro didn't have access to micrometer-perfect measurements to craft a bodysuit. None of them were the familiar white he would have anticipated, however. Black with white trim, they seemed like a uniform for a specific group rather than something mass-produced. Stripping down, he found pieces of appropriate size after a few tries, then re-folded the portion he had set aside. When he stepped out into the main area, the assembled men had sectioned themselves off into smaller groups, engaged in idle chat. His appearance put a stop to that, and to a man they turned to face him.

He was being appraised, his every motion assessed and weighed. Reflexively reacting to the implied threat, he moved as Unit-01 would. He wasn't aware he did it, it wasn't something that happened often, but after nearly a year of constantly facing danger with his psyche tied to a hundred-meter tall crime against nature he was as much Unit-01 as Unit-01 was him. When he was shorter, before the transformation, he simply looked uncomfortable when it occurred. The long, flowing strides no longer fit him poorly, his limbs had reached a length with the added height that now produced a feral menace, a berserker waiting to be unleashed.

Toshiro laughed, a triumphant sound that filled the pavilion with kindness, "I knew it! You lose the bet, Suzuki!"

"That I do, Lieutenant. That I do." The man's smile was playfully rueful, "You have a plan, Gen?"

A shorter man approached Shinji with an easy grin, "I always have a plan." He was bald, well-muscled, and moved with a firm step. Bowing, he gestured to a spot before him, "Please, sir, if you would stand here."

Bowing in return, Shinji moved to where he was intended to stand, "Of course."

"Good, good," with a few touches, Gen moved him into a ready stance. "Hmm, he's very balanced. Legs and torso seem appropriate, his arms have an advantage, though. Do you play an instrument, sir? Perhaps…looking at you, a bass, or a cello?"

"A cello," Shinji blinked in astonishment. "I've practiced since I was three."

"Mmm, you can see it." He turned, "Who wants it?"

"I don't want to say that you're stretching the truth," a heavyset man strode over. "But you have a history of aggrandizing your tales, Toshiro-Kun. I want to feel this power firsthand." Swinging his massive arms back and forth, he limbered up to take a blow, "If this twig is going to date Hikari-Chan, I want to know that he can do something with those arms of his."

"You heard him, Shinji," Toshiro shrugged. "Just like before. I want to see you hit him harder than you did me, you can see he's fat enough to take it." The playful barb brought laughter from the onlookers, and a rude gesture from the big man before Shinji.

Shifting his pose, the Third Child looked once more to Toshiro. When the man who would be his father-in-law nodded with grim determination, Shinji knew the rules were in play. _Hit him,_ he thought, _or Toshiro will hit one of his daughters until I do._ A distasteful way to do business, but he knew Shinji's weakness and had pushed him into a corner to stop him from running away. Winding back, Unit-01 brought its fist around in a blistering arc. The purple behemoth channeled through its pilot a devastating cross, and when the blow landed it staggered the recipient fully.

Blowing out an explosive breath, the big sumo coughed out, "Gods!" Murmurs of appreciation and approval sounded from the room, increasing as Shinji rushed over to help his punching bag stand straight.

"I'm very sorry, sir," his gentle nature on display to all watchers. "When I hit Toshiro-San it wasn't as hard, I learned something that day that I tried here, so I'm very sorry if I didn't punch you appropriately."

"Ha!" The big man nodded, "You're welcome to date Hikari-Chan, my boy. We'll take care of your training, and no mistake!" A few coughing breaths later, the man patted Shinji on the back much as Toshiro had.

The next few hours went by as the men took turns identifying issues with the various basics they had him attempt. Narrowing down the potential schools to a few, then agreeing on a mixture of several to make better use of his nature. Hard-hitting, aggressive styles were dismissed, it was clear to everyone that he'd never be able to make the most of them. Speedy, maneuverable styles also got axed, as it wouldn't make use of his power. After enough deliberations, Toshiro nodded in approval at the written plan, "Acceptable. It won't be easy, but when have we ever chosen the easy path?"

"The Shirakami do not do what is easy," Gen murmured to Shinji, "we do what is right. It is at the core of our philosophy, the very bedrock we have built our Family upon. Do not worry, I can see that you are the kind of man that prefers words to fists. This plan will emphasize that, it will give you the cudgel to back your quill."

"Thank you, brothers," Toshiro continued. "Tomorrow morning, does anyone wish to volunteer to begin his training with his Art?"

"I'll do it," Suzuki offered quickly. "A house needs a foundation, and those legs were designed for building."

"I'll help," Gen shrugged. "I don't actually have any projects right now, so spending some time with your future son here will give me something to do, keep me out of the missus' hair." Everyone laughed knowingly.

"Acceptable," Toshiro nodded. "I am sorry that we must be firm, Shinji. But we have much time to make up for, and we have spoken on the need, have we not?"

"We have," Shinji looked down. "I don't want to hurt people. But…I can't defend anyone if I don't learn to defend myself."

"Wisdom," Gen called approvingly. "Brothers, he defended us all from the so-called Angel. Will all of you pledge to him now that the Shirakami will in turn defend him until he can stand on his own? Will we then stand beside him as he protects others with what we teach him?"

As one, the assembled men called out firmly, "It will be so."

Toshiro gripped his shoulder, "It is a change, but remember that change is not bad. It is just change."

 _It will only bring you pain._ "I'll give you everything I can, Toshiro-San." Shinji didn't like it, but he liked the idea of Hikari in an alleyway even less. "I can't run away from this any longer."


	16. Chapter 16

+++++ 3rd Angel + 12 : Wednesday (13)

Toshiro had taken Nozomi off to a 'family event'. This meant that Hikari and Shinji were now home alone, as Kodama was working a double shift as part of her rotational assignment. When they reached their home, the two of Toshiro's men that had followed them from the park waved to the Section Two agents sitting in the painfully obvious black sedan, a strange form of respect passing between the two groups. Holding the door open for Hikari, Shinji could only shake his head at the odd happenings that somehow seemed 'normal' in this bizarre new land.

He had just closed the door when Hikari pressed him against it using the height advantage of the inside stair to lean fully against him without having to force him into an awkward posture. His ideas for how to spend the evening, making dinner, studying, perhaps sneaking in some time watching a movie or playing the cello, all subsided as suddenly the greatest gift he never knew he wanted began playing enthusiastically with his tongue.

Pulling back, she rested her forehead against his, "I'm proud of you." Hopping down off the stair, she took his hands and pulled him towards his room, "You kept your word, you made Daddy happy, you made Nozomi happy, and you took a huge first step towards making a positive change." Walking backwards, she led him through his door, "And now, I want to help you take another step."

"I-I didn't do anything, really," Shinji shrugged. His nerves were dancing with lightning, he could still taste her on his lips, feel her fingers through his hair, "Nothing worth praise, really."

Pushing him down onto his futon, she affected a false air of irritation, bending forward at the waist to mockingly chide him with a wagging finger, "Well I think you did, and I'm the one who decides who gets what praise, because I'm the Class Representative." Grinning as he tittered out a nervous laugh, she spun around to see Kodama's work sitting on the nearby desk. "I told you, before, that you and I would move forward at your pace. And I think you're ready to take another step, if we're careful."

Pulling the note off of the portable disc player her sister lent them, Hikari thumbed it open, 'Shinji,' it began, 'if you're reading this, stop. Hand the note to Hikari, naughty boy.' She rolled her eyes, 'Sis: pulled in a favor from a couple of ladies at work. They're not interested in adding anyone (no worries about stealing Shinji), but they're super interested in each other. They agreed to let me film a few things, in exchange for a dinner date with you, me, and Shinji in the future. They want to thank him in person, see the guy that I won't shut up about, that kind of stuff. Remember, slow and steady. If something happens beyond what we talked about, it's ok! Just hit play and go with the flow.'

"My sister," Hikari sighed, "is without question the most brazen woman I know, at times." Plucking the player from the desk, she turned back around and walked over to the futon, "Lay down, on your side," she dropped onto her knees and crawled to the space between him and the wall.

Shinji did as instructed, his heart hammering, "I…uhm, a-are we going to watch a movie?" That would be nice, watching a movie, holding Hikari, but the way she positioned him he was facing outward. Maybe she wanted to hold him? But he was so much larger, how could she see the movie? Hikari flopped across his waist, setting the player down before him and letting her hair drape to the side. She was incredibly close to certain increasingly active portions of his anatomy, too close. "S-so…uhm, w-what are we…?"

"We," she kept her tone gentle, "are going to spend an evening taking care of something that needs addressing." _I can do this. I_ want _to do this._ Repositioning herself so that she sat on her hip, braced with one hand behind him, "Go ahead and open that up and hit play."

The recording was of impressive quality, clearly using a camera that the Horakis didn't own. As the two women introduced themselves, Hikari started to move the hand not supporting her along Shinji's arm and torso, getting him used to her touch. "Hello," the pair called out happily. The slimmer lady, with a stripe of red dyed into her hair, gave a winning smile, "We are Chise and Fumiki, and we are very excited to be here today!"

"Chise and I," Fumiki was clearly heavier, not unpleasantly so but noticeable next to Chise's fragile-appearing body, "have been dating for ten years." Kodama's giggle was easily heard. "Yes, Ko-Ko, that means we've been dating since we were ten. But that's because we didn't know what we were doing then, and just hugged and were children, so get your mind out of the gutter!" Hikari shifted her attentions lower on Shinji's body, subtly undoing his pants with a thief's touch.

"Fumiki," Chise sighed, "focus. My partner and I grew up in very traditional households, and so we have an understanding of the problems that some couples face when it comes time to take that next step." Draping herself over her lady-love, she grinned at the camera, "We overcame those problems, with love, and patience, and lots of practice." The camera shuddered slightly as the pair shared a long, lingering, kiss.

The women were attractive, in an odd way, to Hikari. Not necessarily her type, but the 'art' versus 'attraction' line was further down the attraction side. She did, however, take note of several techniques they were using. Maybe she could re-watch this later with Shinji, have him try something similar. Daring to move forward, she slipped her hand towards her destination. _It's…warm. And hard. And soft? …Larger than I was told it would be._

"H-Hikari," Shinji struggled to get his voice to work, "y-your hand-"

"Is where I want it to be," she whispered. "Do you not want it there?"

"Y-No…I…."

It was obvious that Kodama had left the room she had been helping film in, and just as obvious why. What followed was both educational and enthralling for Shinji. He had watched professional material before, Kensuke and Toji insisted that they watch it as a bonding experience. But during those sessions he had always been embarrassed, it wasn't something he felt he should be doing, certainly not with other people in the room. However, the actresses on those films weren't nearly as…intimate. This? This was far more lewd, raw…it was awe-inspiring. He could feel his breathing speed up, his heart racing. The women were doing things with each other that made Asuka's voice in his mind shriek in terror and rage, and yet his girlfriend's gentle touch seemed immune to the harangue.

Hikari's mind was calculating everything she did. Her own hormones were stoked with what she saw and heard on the player, the fires rising higher and higher as she engaged with Kodama's plan. She was touching him, feeling him, and it was nothing like she thought it would be, but somehow so much better. She wanted to move forward, wanted to claim him, but it wouldn't do to rush things because she wanted it. She could feel his trepidation, he was all right with what she was doing now, and that would have to be enough.

He wanted to stop her, to instead do something for her, and each time he managed to summon his courage to turn towards her and ask what she wanted, her touch would change and he'd be back at square one. She worked his physical and emotional desires as expertly as he might have played the cello for her, and after far too short a time, though far longer than he imagined it took, he felt a painful satisfaction.

 _I did it!_ Hikari celebrated silently. Leaving her grip steady, she laid down on her elbow and kissed his arm, "How did you like your gift?" The video played on, mostly forgotten now.

How did he feel? Guilty. Relaxed. Ashamed. He felt like he wanted her to never let go. "I…that…." _I need to do something for her,_ "What d-do you want?" Shifting her hand free he righted his clothing, then, mindful of the mess, he turned to face her, "Y-you did this…th-thank you. B-but, I can't…I can't let you not have anything." He _wanted_ to do things, things that he'd make a mess of. It was a confusing morass of desires and motivations that he didn't know how to express.

"This was for you, Shinji," she dropped down to her shoulder, face to face with _her_ man. "I don't need anything tonight, just to know that you enjoyed it." He could see her hesitation, "Did you?"

"Y-yes," he tried not to nod too enthusiastically. His emotions far too confusing to his own mind, he knew they'd be broadcasting loudly to her. "I…I just want…."

Hikari exulted, his true feelings were complicated, but he clearly wasn't put off by her forwardness. "What do you want?" She snuck in a kiss, pulling herself closer to him, "What else can I give to the man that's offered me everything?"

"D-don…I…." Two things settled in his mind at once. One, there was nothing on this Earth more important than the woman before him. Past, present, and future, he was only fooling himself if he thought that losing her wouldn't end his world. And two, his physical desire for her was nearly painful. Pressing forward, he tried to replicate the kiss from the stairs. Accidentally rolling her onto her back in his haste to capitalize on a rare moment of pure intent, he nearly panicked before Hikari latched onto his neck and back to pull him atop her.

Both young adults clung to each other, and to the tattered remnants of restraint. Pushing the bounds of physical affection as far as they could without breaching the last boundary. Each deeply unaware that the reason they held back that last touch was mirrored in their partner, and that all it would take is one of them letting go. The other would catch them, hold them, but so strong was their need to not hurt the one they loved that they dared not fail.

It was several hours later, the disc player having died, forgotten, when Kodama came home. Shinji and Hikari were cuddled together on the couch, dinner waiting for anyone who wanted to eat, watching old game shows from the late-20th Century. She knew that something had happened, the two seemed far closer than they had been just the day before, but she doubted her hopes had been fulfilled.

In truth, she wanted her sister to take him. Partly because it would do them both a world of good to get it out of the way, and partly because she kept having those damn dreams. Moving into the kitchen, she muttered to herself, "Stupid premonitions."

+++++ 3rd Angel + 13 : Thursday (14)

Shinji knew the reason he was sailing through the air. He had become distracted, lost focus on the threat before him, and his opponent was far too well trained to not capitalize on that error. The realization precipitating his attempt at flight the fact that seven days remained before he'd face the next Angel, if history held true. In a week, he'd be fighting in Unit-01 again. Contact with the ground was as sudden as it was inevitable, and there was nothing for it but to pick himself up and try again.

"He tolerates pain well," Gen spun the situation towards the positive. "I've seen men, full grown, whine like toddlers at less."

"He's distracted by something," Suzuki stated bluntly. "You're too awake for it to be poor sleep. What's got your mind elsewhere this morning, Shinji-San?"

"S-sorry," Shinji bowed an apology. "You moved…uhm, in a way that reminded me of my fight with the Angel. Which brought to mind that it's…it's been two weeks since the fight, now."

"Anticipating the next engagement," Gen nodded in understanding. "It can be difficult to sit and wait, knowing that the fight will come to you. You need to be mindful, Shinji-San, that you have the advantage. They say that what the enemy seeks is beneath NERV's GeoFront, which means that there is no doubt in their destination. Leave the worry to the enemy, trust in your ability, in your weapons, and in your comrades."

"And focus on the now," Suzuki added firmly. "Our training here will help you in your future fights. Learn to keep your mind tranquil, your heart steady, your eyes on what is before you." The slender man reassumed the ready position, "Again."

Shinji was operating on five hours of sleep, if that, but didn't feel fatigued. The two hours of training passed in a rush, constant motion and effort maximizing every second. By the time they were done for the morning, he felt that he could accomplish himself in his sleep what they had asked him to. Unaccustomed to having balance, speed, and strength, he was beginning to have an appreciation for what Asuka must have felt like when they went through the six days of dance. The men he faced were slower, but had the undeniable advantage of training, repetition, and experience. It was an excellent beginning, and he felt all the stronger in himself for starting down the path of his own will.

Running the five kilometers back to the Horaki Home, Shinji stepped quietly back to his bathroom and quickly showered off. Even with all he had already accomplished to start the day, he was dressed and making breakfasts and lunches before anyone else was awake. It was an enjoyable way to begin his day, when he put some thought to the matter. There was nothing to dread, nothing to fret over. He had exercised, learned some basics, been shown the path forward, and still had time to take care of everyone.

"Morning, hun," Kodama slumped against him, her arms twining around him in a lingering embrace. Starting the morning in a longer t-shirt and…Shinji refused to continue to look lower than her hair as he noticed she wasn't wearing boxers. The nurse-in-training grumbled unintelligibly about early classes, then sighed. "Shinji, I need to ask you something."

"Ok," he kept the various foodstuffs moving, "what can I do to help you, Kodama?"

Her arms tightened around his waist, "Do you believe in fate?"

"N-not really." It was kind of hard to when you were sent back in time to change anything you felt needed changing.

Her hands lightly caressed his hip, "So you think the future isn't set in stone?"

"I think the a-actions we take now have a far stronger impact on our future," he was proud of himself. He wasn't stammering as hard, despite the need to crawling around his mind. "I thought it was fate that I live a life of nothing but pain." Tilting his head to look down on the achingly beautiful woman attached to him, he smiled, "Then three sisters showed me that I was very wrong about that."

She looked up at him, her eyes inscrutable. A slow nod followed, then a sad smile, "If something takes part of that happiness away, Shinji, trust what remains, ok?" Shifting so that she was on her toes, she pressed a lingering kiss to his lips, "Don't give up just because the path changes." Dropping to her heels, she spun around sending the bottom of her shirt billowing outwards, showing him that a thong was her second favorite pair of undergarments…and that she had to do some serious lower-torso exercises. "I'm going to borrow your shower."

The kettle's whistle shocked him out of the confused welter of emotions flowing through him, allowing him to divert any and all dangerous thoughts to other tracks while he continued his assault on the days meals. _I'm just going to add to the way I feel about all of this the fact that if anyone harms Kodama, I'm going to do horrifying things to them._ He sighed, frustration climbing above everything else. "I didn't have this…anger, before. Where is it coming from?"

"Bad stuff happening to you," Nozomi yawned as she stepped into the kitchen. "I get really, really, super mad when I think about that stupid boy treating Sakura-Chan bad. I wanna just punch him in the naughty place for what he let happen." Striking an overly dramatized fighting stance and shoving her tiny fist forward, the youngest Horaki grimaced. "But we don't do that, do we?" She looked at him in commiseration, "Because you and I are supposed to bring happy, not bring hurt."

Shinji nodded with a rueful grin, "You're smarter than I am, Nozomi-Chan. That's for certain." Dishing her breakfast out, he handed the tray full of food to her, "If you promise to eat everything I give you for lunch, I may have bought a snack to include with it." She knew, somehow wise beyond her years, exactly what to say to him to make him want to crush the world with hugs. All he had to offer in return was food and Unit-01, so he'd make sure she got the best food possible.

"I promise!" Carefully taking the tray, she hurried out to begin her assault on the day.

Several minutes later, Hikari descended the staircase ready for the day, "Good morning." Flowing over to him, she wrapped him in a hug that was far more intimate than she'd given in the past. "I had the best dreams about you last night," she whispered. "Oh, Shinji, please tell me that I'm not still dreaming. Tell me that you're not just some feverish fancy as I lay in a hospital bed."

"I…I don't know how to answer that," he was blushing furiously. If she knew the dreams he had about her, she'd likely…not mind. _She's not Asuka, you dolt._ "I wonder the same thing…from time to time."

She leaned back, gazing at him warmly, a fond smile playing about her lips, "I love you." Her hair, loose and flowing, shifted slightly as her face tilted.

 _An opening?_ Shinji's morning training told him that she was… _It's not an opening, you idiot, it's an offer._ Leaning down, he pressed his lips lightly to hers. Where he had intended to gently greet her, she took full advantage of his generosity and pulled him in. It wasn't as frenzied as it had been less than twelve hours past, where they had struggled mightily to keep their clothing on and intact.

A small cough prompted Hikari to pull back, the youngest Horaki standing there with her eyebrow arched, "Nee-san, Nii-san, you need to eat your breakfast. No treats before meals, you know that!"

Hikari fought against a huge grin, her mood too high to be brought low by her sister's playful banter. "Appetizers are perfectly acceptable," she accepted the tray of food Shinji hastily assembled for her. "I have to make sure that the chef understands how deeply grateful I am for his services. It's only proper."

Nozomi giggled as her sister swayed to the table, then held out her tiny teacup, "More tea, please."

+++++ 3rd Angel + 13 : Thursday (14)

Alone, together, at lunch Shinji and Hikari enjoyed the shade of the old oak tree. Rei hadn't shown up to class, a quick text to Maya garnering the knowledge that she had a check-up that day. Shinobu was eating with her friends from her own class, not wishing to infringe on their time together. Finally, thankfully, none of his 'helpers' had yet to begin to venture out of class for any contrived reasons, and so there was nothing to interfere with their quiet repose.

Until his phone chirped.

Pulling out the device, he saw it was from Misato. Choosing to read it aloud, he began, "Shinji, I was hoping to have you and Hikari over for dinner. I'll order pizza, we'll throw on a movie, see if we can't all start semi-regularly spending time together outside of NERV." He paused, the next section clearly more personal, 'I want to apologize in person to Hikari. She's probably reading this, but if she's not tell her that I have a gift for her.' "She wants to see us, together." He turned to regard his girlfriend, "What do you think?"

"I think she's a good woman with a confusing personality," Hikari shrugged. "But she's also the person who is supposed to be in charge of you while you're in battle. From a leadership perspective, it makes sense that she'd want to try and build a rapport with you. If you trust her in your day-to-day life, you'll trust her more when she asks you to do something dangerous. It's why Daddy's gone so often, he's spending time with his kohai, making sure they know he's there for them."

He nodded, agreeing with her perspective, "So…do we accept?"

"What's your opinion on mushrooms on pizza?"

+++++ 3rd Angel + 13 : Thursday (14)

Hikari had helped him assemble an outfit that balanced 'meeting your boss' with 'spending time with family', a boot-cut set of slacks and a short-sleeved denim overshirt. Leaving the shirt untucked and unbuttoned, the t-shirt underneath was made of a nicer material that stopped the ensemble from appearing unprofessional. He was, as in all things, extraordinarily grateful for his new luck. Hikari managed with ease what would have confounded him with strategy guides to aid him.

His girlfriend, not wishing to appear competitive or confrontational, chose a pair of billowing palazzo pants with a flowing blouse. It was comfortable, it breathed well, and it set the tone she hoped to spend the evening relaxing instead of uptight. Her colors of choice were analogous from his, something she knew he could see but wouldn't understand the message she was sending to Misato. _He's mine. He's not coming back to your apartment to live there with you, no matter what you offer him. But he's his own man, and I'm not jealous of your place in his life._

Knocking on Misato's door, an action that Shinji found almost painfully odd, he only needed to count to five before the door slid open to display his…big sister? Tactical Commander? "Sorry for bothering you," Shinji intoned reflexively. "Thank you for inviting us over, tonight."

"Come in, come in," she waved them in with both hands. "You beat the food, which is good because the place I ordered from is great when it's hot." Wearing mid-thigh-length shorts and a loose shirt, she looked Hikari up and down, "That, Hikari, is a fantastic outfit." Her smile was out in force, just as she was clearly avoiding physical displays of affection that were synonymous with her entire being, the effort to be welcoming obvious to Shinji. "Oh, I wish I had more opportunities to wear pants like that. The uniform pants are so itchy!"

Shinji reached the kitchen, spying Pen-Pen, "Hello, Pen-Pen," he bowed in greeting to his one-time housemate. "You joining us for the movie?"

The bird blinked, his head tilting to the side. With a few short warks, he made it clear that he would enjoy the opportunity to renew his short acquaintance with him. Spying Hikari, the bird rolled his head, another series of warks imparting his appreciation for the woman's plumage and clear care for her chosen mate.

"He thinks your hair looks nice," Shinji translated. "And he's happy you're taking good care of me."

"Told you it made sense," Misato teased. "I have some soda," she scooted past into the kitchen, "water, tea, orange juice, and beer. I offer the last only because if you're old enough to pilot, you're old enough to have a beer or two." She looked to Hikari with a wink, "You, of course, get to have one if you want because you're keeping my pilot healthy and happy."

"Tea, please," Shinji waved off the offer of beer. He had tried one, at Misato's insistence, and if Yebisu was a 'good' beer, he didn't want to ever be cursed with drinking a 'bad' one.

Hikari was internally pleased that Shinji continued to prove her an incredibly lucky woman, "What kind of soda?"

"Root beer, orange, purple, and cola," Misato handed Shinji a can of green tea. "If tonight goes well, you'll have to tell me what to keep in stock for future movie nights."

"Root beer, if you wouldn't mind," Hikari shrugged coyly, "I'll have to work out more, but I love the taste."

"I'll pick up some ice cream," Misato handed over a can. "We'll make floats and force Shinji to listen to us bellyache about metabolism." Picking up two cans of her preferred elixir, she handed one to Pen-Pen and waved him over to the couch. "If Shinji's ok with you joining us, you can come sit down." The doorbell rang, and she hurried over to pick up the delivery.

Sitting on the far side of the couch, Hikari held her arms out towards the warm-water bird, "Is it ok if I hug him?"

Pen-Pen waddled over and lightly batted her face with his flipper. Warking out an explanation that he wasn't a pet, and had more than enough self-autonomy to decide who got to pick him up and hold him. Looking to Shinji, he clacked his beak. It simply wasn't done that he'd be forward with another man's mate, without appropriate permission.

"He's ok with it," Shinji pursed his lips. "I really don't know how I know what he's saying, but it's clear as day. He was more worried that I'd be upset with him sitting in your lap than he's worried about you holding him."

"He's so soft," Hikari scooped him up, letting him settle on her leg next to the armrest. "And his crest is so vibrant." Softly stroking his feathers, she earned a pleased warble and shudder. "It's a shame that we don't see more like him around, it'd be nice if he had more friends to spend time with."

"Such birds were a lot more common before you were born," Misato came back carrying two boxes. "This lounge-rat and I go back some time, though. How do you think I've been doing?" Setting the pizza down on the table before the sofa she gestured around the apartment, "I'm actually cleaning from time to time. It's nowhere near as bad as it was when you first came here, right?"

"I'm glad," Shinji replied honestly. "I know how busy you are, Misato-San. But you should take care of yourself," he blushed slightly. "I need my big sister to help me fight the Angels, which means she needs to be healthy."

Pushing him into the middle seat, she bopped him lightly on the head with the paper plates, "And I'm going to give you my best effort, Shinji. But no more suffixes, ok? We're teammates, the three of us. I come up with the plans to defeat the Angels, you enact the plans to defeat the Angels, and Hikari gives you someone to come home to, right Hikari?"

"Right," the freckle-faced beauty was lightly running her nails along Pen-Pen's neck. "So, what movie are we watching tonight?" Accepting a plate of pizza from her boyfriend, she gave him a chaste kiss as payment, "Thanks."

"Normally I'd put on one of my preferred movies," Misato patted her binder of intentionally horrible chop-socky films. Her love of the overwrought movies from the late twentieth century second only to her love of cars, Shinji had been forced to watch them during some of her more huggy nights. "But I was thinking instead we put on something even worse." Lifting a case up, she showed Hikari.

"Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter," Hikari blinked. "Did…did I translate that right?"

"Yep," Misato grinned eagerly. "Jesus Christ, the religious focus of Christianity, imagined as a hunter of western vampires."

"That's…bizarre." Shinji sat back, holding out a plate for Pen-Pen, "I'm assuming you understand there's no chance that this is 'good'."

The penguin accepted his dinner plate from his former housemate with a soft wark of thanks, looking towards Shinji with the kind of sympathy that spoke of a familiarity with Misato's quirks.

"Quiet you," Misato frowned at Pen-Pen. "Yes, we're going to make fun of the movie. Laughing at stupid movies is a time-honored tradition, one that lets you just turn off your concerns and relax." She looked to Hikari, "You've done it with your sisters, haven't you?"

"We usually use the historical dramas, but yes," the Class Rep smiled to Shinji, "we've done this too."

"Oh," Shinji nodded as comprehension of the plan grew, "ok. Like with Nozomi. Got it." She had never done this with him before. Misato clearly knew what she was talking about, but there was nothing in his past to draw from. Had she just never wanted to try this method of 'bonding'? Had she not thought he'd enjoy it? It was a new, different, part of her that he'd never seen. It excited him, in a way. He was learning something new about a woman he'd spent a long time with.

The evening began slow, the trio gaining a feel for both the movie and the timing of the other two amateur comedians. A sub-game quickly formed of trying to make someone laugh while they were eating or drinking, leading to hurried attempts to consume something during lulls in the movie. Bathroom breaks were soon weaponized, with the people on the sofa collaborating on something laugh-inducing to hit the person with on their return. The end result was an eighty-five-minute movie taking over two and a half hours to complete, consuming several sodas, beers, and both pizzas fully.

As the credits played, with Shinji performing an intentionally horrible reading of selected names from the list, Misato laid on her back with her head on his leg, laughter escaping from her lips as she struggled to recover her poise. Hikari had noticed when the woman first positioned herself against him an hour and a half into the film, choosing to observe silently instead of reacting without thought. After twenty minutes, without any visible reaction from Shinji, she decided to ask him about it on the walk home. She wasn't jealous, or even afraid, of his lack of reaction, she just wanted to see if he was opening up or if it was similar to his feelings on Nozomi.

"This was fun," the violet-haired Captain tittered. "Did you have fun, Shinji?" She beamed her hopeful grin up at him, surprised at how good it felt to lay on his leg. He was a good-looking, caring, competent man. He was everything a woman could want, and yet she just…didn't want him. Oh, she'd take him into her bedroom and shatter his world, but it'd be purely physical. It'd be bonding on an intimate level without any long-term expectations or commitments.

Shinji nodded slowly, watching the television with blank eyes. He wasn't aware of her thoughts, not looking at her to see the hints he might have gleaned from near to a year of knowing her. _This was nice._ He looked to Hikari, a grin nearly matching Misato's, "This was fun. What do you think?"

"If I get to pet Pen-Pen, I'll put up with bad movies and worse comedy," she teased. The penguin lay back on her lap, his claws picking at a piece of meat stuck in his craw. "Next time, though, let's pick something in Japanese. Shinji has an unfair advantage with how badly he pronounces English."

"Don't take away my lone advantage," he looked down at Misato, "she's going to force me to actually learn the language!"

"Oh no!" Misato slapped her hands over her cheeks in faux-terror, "She's expecting you to pay attention in school and live up to your potential?! The _horror_ , Shinji. The absolute cheek!" Pen-Pen slid off of Hikari's lap, walking past Misato and thwapping his housemate alongside the head.

"He knows the language perfectly well," Hikari stood, stretching. "What I'm wanting to help him with is turning that magical mouth of his towards proper pronunciation." She grinned over her shoulder at the two left on the couch, "Thank you for the evening, Misato. I think we definitely have to do this more often."

"Oh, oh!" Misato scrambled off the couch, hurrying to her bedroom, "I almost forgot!"

 _The gift_. Shinji stood up, twisting his back to work out a small ache, "Thank you for being here, Hikari." Leaning in, he whispered, "And for not being upset at how tactile Misato can be. She's a lot like Kodama, about that."

 _I guess I don't have to talk to him._ It flummoxed her how he didn't see people flirting with him when they actively flirted, but somehow noticed the potential for confusion about flirtation and moved swiftly to reassure her that he understood and wasn't straying. "Why be upset?" She stepped into him, "You're coming home with me, after all." Taking hold of his shirt at the collar, she pulled him down into a lingering kiss.

The click of a phone camera startled them both, Misato's giggle following after, "I'm putting this on my board at work."

Shinji blushed, "Misato!"

"Can you text it to me?" Hikari bumped Shinji gently, "I want to print it out for somebody's bedroom board."

"Sure thing," Misato concentrated as she typed in Hikari's number. "However," her finger hovered over the send button, "I want an invitation to any weddings that occur. Or no picture!"

"Misato!" Shinji's blush grew, "I-I-"

"You can come to the reception," Hikari agreed easily. "We're having a traditional wedding, so there won't be any guests. In exchange, you can help me by arranging his bachelor party."

He turned to face his girlfriend, jaw swinging freely, "Hikari!"

Misato seemed to ponder the situation, "What's your feelings on topless dancers?"

" _Misato_!"

"So long as they don't touch what's not theirs, I have no problem with them entertaining my husband's friends and workmates." She looked up to Shinji with an overly innocent flutter of her eyelashes, "I trust him to keep his hands to himself."

"Ok," Misato hit send before Shinji could explode. "Sent." With a wink she pulled a small box out from under her arm, "I knew I liked you, Hikari. Anyone willing to help me tease couldn't be all bad." Walking over to the younger woman, she extended the gift and bowed, "I am very sorry that I acted before thinking. You are clearly the woman he should have lived with from the start." When Hikari took the package, she continued, "He was falling apart, when he arrived. I saw it, and I didn't do anything. You, however, entered his life and even two weeks later I can see him improving. So, thank you. Thank you for helping me save the world."

Hikari seemed to ponder the box in her hands for a few seconds, then set it down and pulled Misato into a hug. "I forgive you," she stated in a clear voice. "I don't think you're a bad woman, Misato. Shinji has a good eye for how people are, and he thinks you're a good woman with some confusing peculiarities." Dropping back, keeping her hands on Misato's arms, she smiled, "So let's try to be friends. For him, for us, and for ourselves."

"Careful," she giggled, disengaging from Hikari and pulling the picture she had just taken back up to smile at. "I'll start to think you're trying to make me your third."

"Oh!" Hikari snapped her fingers, "We never told you." Turning to pick up the gift, she stepped back to Shinji, "We're going to be exclusive. I realized that it just wouldn't work for him, and he's far more important to me than anyone else could hope to be." Soothing his back with her free hand, she shrugged, "In a way, you were right. So thank _you_ for helping me see the truth, if indirectly."

"I…oh," Misato blinked, caught off guard. "Well…hopefully you two are happy with that decision, I never meant to imply it was impossible." She rolled her hands, seeking to change the subject, "Open your gift. Open it! I want to admit to something, but you need to see it first."

Hikari worked the simple paper seal open, lifting the lid to reveal photos of Shinji set into an ornate wooden frame. Photos from before the changes. "This…oh my goodness." She surreptitiously checked on Shinji, hoping he wasn't going to have a negative reaction to what might be a painful reminder, "These are all here, from when he lived here."

"Wh-when did you take these?" Shinji felt an odd twinge of regret, to his knowledge the photos were truly unique. As far as he knew, the only other images of him on Earth existed in security footage at NERV.

"Well," Misato gestured to a picture of him sleeping on the couch, "that was the first night you were here. I took a picture to show Ritsuko that you looked sad even when you were asleep." The next one was him in profile working in the kitchen, feeding the rehydrated fish to Pen-Pen, "That one I took when I woke up the next morning. You were talking to that goober as if it were the most natural thing in the world. I'd spent all night trying to find information on you, a reason for you to be so morose." The third and final picture was him washing the dishes, "That was the night you got popped in the eye by Suzuhara-San." She looked to Hikari with a sly grin, "The day someone decided that they'd found 'the one', if I'm not mistaken."

It was Hikari's turn to blush slightly, "You're not mistaken." Hugging the open box to her chest, she smiled, "Thank you, Misato. Now I have proof of my memories, no matter what happens."

"You two should get going," Misato urged them onwards. "You've got class tomorrow, and I don't want to be the reason you're tired during your range time after school."

The goodbyes were short, but heartfelt. It wasn't that they wouldn't see each other again soon, but that they all seemed to have found common ground to stand on and build from. Misato bagged up the trash, setting it by her door so she'd remember to take it out in the morning, thinking of what it might have been like to live with him. With the benefit of distance, she could easily see herself letting him suffer as she waited for him to take a step he'd never have taken without the prompting of someone like Hikari. "She's good for him. Don't you agree?"

Pen-Pen warked with a pleased nod. The fledglings complemented each other well. Shinji would one day make a fine father; his food preparation skills and desire to see everyone safe and happy were backed by the fire he had displayed when Misato refused to let him speak his mind. Hikari's ability to patiently hear people out would allow her chosen mate to explain the sad and aggravating happenstance that seemed to hound the lad. With a narrow-eyed glare, the penguin made a few choice comments about how Misato would have just let him act as a butler instead of taking proper care of him as she should have.

"Hey," Misato stopped in her motions, "I hear nothing from you, Mister High-and-Mighty. You could have said something to me, you know? Not just let me walk around all ignorant of his problems. You know I don't deal well with men I'm not dating."

Rolling his head around, Pen-Pen reminded Misato that she could very well have chosen to partner with Shinji had she not been the kind of woman that any sane mate would run in terror from as soon as they saw the condition of her nest. Jabbing his fin towards his oldest friend, he made the final damning point, that it was the loss of Shinji, and not his presence, that precipitated her taking care of herself. He was proud of her, but he didn't want her thinking she should feel content where she was at.

The pair were an odd couple, but they loved each other all the same.


	17. Chapter 17

A note from the author:

I wanted to thank everyone who has left a review so far, I appreciate the feedback (both positive and negative, it all helps me grow). I promise, the story will continue as long as my work and life obligations allow. It's likely to be lengthy, so if longer stories aren't your bag, this may not be the tale for you.

I don't really have a metric for success as far as the story goes. I started it on a lark because I felt that there could be a different kind of story told if everyone just talked to each other. Shinji's still Shinji, full of depression and anxiety, but the fight against the 14th Angel represented his apex confidence-wise. He had made the choice, himself, to try and fight for everyone. Without the preceding conga-line of trauma of the next several episodes he's left with just enough 'go' to speak with Hikari when he lands in Tokyo-3 again.

As you've seen, that wasn't a magical cure-all. He's still the same emotionally troubled, retiring young man he was before. The difference is that he reached out, once, and instead of receiving a red-headed slap, the blue-haired shrug of indifference, or the purple blend of the two, Hikari saw that the 'new kid' had potential.

Hikari, lacking a great deal of character outside of 'love interest for Toji' or 'sounding board for Asuka', became the perfect person to establish as the deuteragonist. Through her position as Class Rep, she'd have the knowledge of how to handle someone being bullied (if they reach out to her). Through the minor age-up, she'd have more years of realizing that Toji wasn't going to get the message. Through dropping a (relatively) confident Shinji in her lap, one who never truly thought poorly of her and knew her for quite some time, she'd suddenly receive the kind of attention she'd been craving. The relationship followed easily.

Again, I hope you're all enjoying this nonsense as much as I am. This isn't, and won't be, a serious discussion of Neon Gen's multi-headed voyage of self-discovery and self-loathing. Characters will come and go, wilt or grow, and the destination point is all I really have firmly entrenched. The 'beats' along the way are squishy enough to allow for the characters to tell me I'm wrong, it's already happened twice now. (Hikari made a much stronger move in the original treatment to include a third person, which changed her character away from what I had intended. She didn't like it, neither did I. The other involved Rei, and would be far too spoiler laden to explain.)

Without further adieu, the story:

+++++ 3rd Angel + 14 : Friday (15)

"What you're holding, Shinji, is the modified Mark Seven handgun." Misato watched Unit-01 carefully turn the device over and observe the empty magazine bay, "The engineers have been inspired by your quick mastery of the pallet rifle, and wanted to see about developing a model for those times that reloading is tactically unwise. Or, when your rifle jams."

"It feels heavy." Shinji frowned, he was familiar enough with the sidearm to know that something was different.

"Responsibility weighs a lot, Shinji," Misato intoned gravely. "Beyond the damage a stray shot would do to the civilian populace, each shot with that in combat costs around two hundred and eighty thousand yen. That's why marksmanship is our focus in these sessions. We want to kill the enemy, but we don't want to do more damage to the global economy than necessary."

Nodding, to show he was listening, Shinji pulled the slide back and ejected the round that was in the chamber, catching it in Unit-01's giant palm. "Was it supposed to be loaded?" He frowned at the camera, "Doesn't that go against the safety rules?"

Misato's roar nearly deafened Shinji, "Who the _fuck_ left a round in my pilot's sidearm?" He saw her glaring off camera, "I want a name. I want their supervisor's name. I don't know what penny ante outfit they came from, but they better hope they're still hiring. Makoto-Kun, find them." The assistant to the Tactical Commander quickly stood and hurried off to find the poor bastard responsible, leaving Misato fuming. "That's absolutely right, Shinji. You remembered two rules, actually." Her eyes were pleased when they regarded him, "You get a cookie when you're out of the goop."

He winced, knowing that she wasn't kidding about firing people, "I…uhm, I didn't want anyone to get in trouble. I just…you know…."

"Did nothing wrong, Shinji-Kun," Maya stepped in. "Captain Katsuragi is rightly upset that someone made a potentially lethal error. You might have been fine if it hit you, physically. But what if you slipped when you picked it up, and the weapon went off as you tried to catch it? What if it killed the technicians on site? What if the round went through someone's house? The physics are immutable, and a misfire doesn't kill any less effectively than an intentional discharge. Keeping the pistol safe until needed is critically important."

"Exactly," Misato nodded firmly. "Lieutenant Ibuki is a trained professional, Shinji. She's had the training, she knows the costs of accidents. If you think I'm being too hard, trust her word instead. We don't want you to have to deal with mental trauma that you don't have to, you'll get enough in combat."

Maya gave a 'thumbs up' to Misato without turning from her monitors. She hadn't forgiven, but the mousey technician was starting to see Misato in a different light the past several days. The way the woman acted when people discussed what they might sacrifice to keep Unit-01 from running overbudget, telling people that if it risks Shinji that she'd personally make certain they assumed a similar risk. Whatever had changed for her, it was for the better.

The training continued on, Unit-01 setting the bullet down on the elongated trailer for the engineering crew's truck to carry back for inspection. Between his experience with the firearm, and the MAGI's aim assist, he was swiftly certified to handle the weapon safely in combat. Misato then started him on drills with switching between the two weapons, simulating jams and pushing the Angels in closer to demonstrate the appropriate range differences. It was a lot of muscle-memory repetition, but he could appreciate the lessons after the morning's combat instruction with Gen and Suzuki.

It was in the third hour of training that he realized how accurate Misato's mantra of 'muscle-memory saves lives' was. A simulacrum of the Third Angel popped up unexpectedly, the circuits malfunctioning and triggering the event without input. Shinji was about to reload, and dropped the magazine of ammunition, then snapped a left cross at the form's throat on his right side. Bringing the gun in close to his body, he followed up with an elbow to the sternum, a knee to the stomach, then a standing side kick to the giant orb to force distance between them. Catching the magazine on the bounce, he rolled back and reloaded in one fluid motion, coming up into a stable kneeling shooter's stance, placing three rounds where they needed to go to end the threat.

"Wh-whoa," Shinji grimaced. "S-sorry, I didn't expect it. I should have been paying attention."

Misato watched Unit-01 stand and bow apologetically, matching Shinji's pose in the cockpit, and could only shake her head in irritation. "Shinji, I didn't order that one to pop up. Shigeru-Kun?"

"Circuits are reading a short, ma'am," the guitarist quickly pulled up a report on the main screen, showing the MAGI's diagram of the area. "The junctions aren't responding the way they should, the MAGI have already shut them out completely pending technicians giving an on-site report. It's possible that seismic events caused something to come loose, maybe corrosion, can't say for certain. Recommend standing down, though." He looked back to the temperamental Commander, "If I can't see the problem, I don't know how far it runs. Safety."

"Good call," Misato nodded. "Ok, bring her back to the barn, Shinji. Excellent work, I'll have that cookie for you once you're dry." She flipped the microphone off as he turned to move as ordered, "Shigeru-Kun, honest assessment, sabotage?"

"Possible, but I can't see why." The long-haired operations commander scratched his chin, "What would they gain? It's not like the simulacra can do any real damage to him, they're made of cheap composites. Unit-01 could be dogpiled by eighty of them and he'd just start bench-pressing the lot!" He shook his head, "I'll get you a report on it, ma'am. If I make it a priority, say…eighteen hours?"

"Do it," she nodded. "Maya-Kun," she turned to regard the last remaining bridge bunny, "could I talk to you over here for a second?"

"Sure," standing, she climbed the steps to the command nest.

Once the younger woman was close enough for privacy, Misato covered her mouth, "What would it take to get you to set up a dinner date with Shinji and Hikari?"

"…Why?" It wasn't that the idea was bothersome, but this was a rather odd and sudden request.

"Because we're supposed to be his guardians," she answered softly. "Last night, I had them over for pizza and a movie. I could literally smell Shinji calming down as the night went on. If the three of us rotate having him over, with his girlfriend, we can help him build better memories of his time here than just 'Got call, killed something, went home' or 'Got call, sat in goop for hours, went home'. He needs to see us as resources to use, as individuals he enjoys talking to about his life, Maya, not just as people he works with. We need to try and be his friend, because just trying to be a parent is going to backfire hard."

Maya observed the woman for a few seconds, then nodded, "I'll do it, in exchange…you and I have a dinner date." She tilted her head to the side slightly, "Clear the air between us, get out the bad blood and try to not see each other adversarially."

Misato held out her hand, "Two drink minimum, you set the time, I'll pick the place." Accepting Maya's hand with a warm grip, the violet-haired bombshell nodded firmly, "We'll help him be the best damn Shinji he can be."

+++++ 3rd Angel + 14 : Friday (15)

"Was that either wise, or necessary?" Kozo watched the footage of Shinji's reaction to the appearance of an unknown foe as it looped over and over, "The wasted hours checking for a fault that doesn't exist is going to be expensive."

"It was informative, old man." Gendo smirked, not bothering to hide his pleasure at the manner in which his son was improving his skills in such a short period of time. "Talent is only partly the result of genetic inheritance, and you may recall bailing me out of prison more than once for getting into scraps I had no good excuse for walking away alive from."

"You wanted to see if he had talent?" The old professor typed in a few commands, bringing up Section Two's footage of Shinji's morning exercises, "We have video evidence, right there."

"Controlled, sterile." NERV's supreme commander made a dismissive gesture, "To know a man, you must see what he does when truly caught off guard. Deep down," he restarted the video loop from the day's training, "Shinji is a fighter. His desire not to harm people comes from fear of driving them away. Given no choice…."

"And the live round in his sidearm?" Kozo glowered, "Was that also a test?"

"That, Professor, was a test," Gendo's tone froze over, "but not one that I instigated."

+++++ 3rd Angel + 15 : Saturday (16)

"You made cookies for his little sister?" Natsuko bent down to look into the clear Tupperware container, "Shinji-Kun, you're going well above and beyond what anyone would think is reasonable. You didn't have anything to do with her injury, you didn't even have anything to do with her brother's demented crusade against logic and reason. Nobody's going to think less of you for sending her a card and letting it go."

"I would," Shinji finished repacking his bag, placing the gingersnap cookies back in delicately so that they could be easily taken out later at the hospital. "Every time I see Unit-01, I think about the cost to the city, to the world. Monetary," he looked back to the young ladies standing near him, "and human." Gesturing to the windows of the classroom, he scowled, "Out there are hundreds, thousands, of Sakura Suzuharas waiting to happen each time I fight. If I don't care about one, even if I ultimately wasn't the cause of her condition, how can I look at myself and say that I care about any of them."

"We need to get going, Shinji," Hikari tilted her head to the door. "We'll miss the trolley."

"I'll carry you," he shouldered his satchel. "We'll make it." Bowing to the women he had been speaking with, "Please be safe going home. I'd hate to know that my delaying you caused you to be injured." Turning purposefully and walking through the door, he waited just long enough for Hikari to catch up before he set a hard pace to the shoe lockers. "You can ride on my back, this time. It'll be more comfortable for you."

"You know I don't agree with them," she hurried ahead to put her outdoor shoes on, "right? Sakura's almost family, with how close she and Nozomi are. With how much I did for her when she was younger."

"I know," he snorted in frustration. "I'm angry because nothing I say seems to convince people that even if I'm not _culpable_ I still remain _responsible_. I couldn't talk Toji down. I couldn't get Section Two to stand down. I couldn't stop my father from having him arrested and sent out of the city. So right now, because I couldn't figure out how to stop it, she doesn't have an older brother, her father works all day to keep food on the table and their home intact, and she's scared and alone." Kneeling as they reached the door, he looked back, "Your family is the only priority higher than her, Hikari. I'll do anything I can to make her life better."

"I really shouldn't do this," kicking off her sandals and placing them in her satchel, she jumped onto his back. "After all, you're supposed to be Nozomi's steed." She held on tightly to his shoulders as he took off at a pace somewhere between 'race' and 'sprint'.

"I thought you didn't want to set a bad example at school," Shinji barely showed a strain in his voice for the effort of running. "Class Representatives and all that."

"I can loosen up a bit from time to time," she pouted. "I don't have to be perfect all the time."

Slowing enough to navigate a set of stairs down, Shinji grinned, "Don't have to be, but you are anyway." Putting in more effort after he hit the bottom of the stairs, Shinji would have been pleased to know that his words had set Hikari's cheeks aflame.

 _Fifteen days. That's enough time to wait before getting married, right?_ Watching the world fly past, she wondered how it must feel to be physically capable of what her boyfriend could do. Whenever he put his body completely into a task, she could see him becoming happier. Like the burdens of the world he carried on his shoulders lifted for just a fleeting moment, and the joy could filter in. _I need to work out more. I need to work out with him, to see him like this more often._

After passing the rest of the journey in silent appreciation of each other, they noticed upon reaching their destination that something was amiss. "Odd," Shinji pulled to a stop slowly. "Nozomi-Chan, is there a problem?"

Standing near the youngest Horaki, a policeman was attempting to get a word in edgewise to a woman screaming unintelligibly and waving her hands erratically. On catching sight of Shinji and Hikari, Nozomi began to creep towards them slowly. Not wanting to wait, again, and risk harm to her as he had to Hikari, Shinji set his passenger on her feet and walked over to put himself between them and the clearly agitated lady.

He heard the hushed conversation behind him in bits and pieces, Nozomi had been dancing around in a space well away from the tracks, happy that she was going to be going to the hospital with her 'nii-san'. She promised she had been paying attention to the area around her, and had left her bag by the ticket booth to avoid hitting anyone with it, so there was no danger of her accidentally being the cause of someone getting hurt. The woman, still gaining steam in her diatribe, had come over and grabbed Nozomi roughly, tearing into her for running away from her parents and 'acting wild' near the trolley.

The policeman had seen this from his kiosk nearby, coming over to try and calm the situation. 'Sergeant Kibo' knew Nozomi, having had a talk with her in the past about her frequent trips home from the hospital crying. She was swiftly defensive of her description in the face of Hikari's simple question, "Why wouldn't I cry? I miss Sakura-Chan!" Calming words followed, batted away by the little lady who was determined to finish her explanation. She admitted then, after having set everything up, that her first reaction when grabbed was to scream for help. That was when 'Sergeant Kibo' arrived and planted himself between her and the 'crazy lady'.

Coincidentally, the woman took that moment to shove the poor police sergeant backwards just as the trolley neared the station. Caught off-guard, the man tripped over Nozomi's bag and bounced his head off the ground. Seeing the situation unfolding poorly, Shinji lunged forward. The woman was stepping, unaware of her surroundings, out onto the trolley's tracks.

His first step wasn't fast enough, he had to move faster. The trolley was approaching. He needed longer arms. Hikari's cry of fear changed pitch as she went to cover over Nozomi, to shield her from seeing what was about to happen. The bell clanged dully in the late noon heat. He was left with two choices: try to grab and pull, risking missing and seeing the woman flattened by ten tons of uncaring steel, or lunge forward and try to tackle her to the other side of the tracks, a distance in his old body he would have been hard pressed to clear alone. The voice of the automated announcement of the arrival of the train stretched out, droning into a tinny buzz.

He was suddenly holding his target, his foot planted on the lip of the platform, his shoulder in her midsection. Without pause he bunched and jumped as hard as he could, sending them both in an arc that would hopefully lead them across the tracks to the central unloading area. There was nothing left for it, he couldn't feel the ground, he couldn't see the trolley, he had done what he could.

Controlling a fall in mid-air isn't the simple task that various media made it out to be, he discovered. Controlling a fall while attached to a shrieking woman might as well have been quantum geometry for all he could do. Attempting a rotation towards his side, he hoped that it would mean he took the brunt of the impact with the ground or the train, whichever struck them first. In his haste, and owing to a complete lack of experience in sports that involve the kind of tackling he had just attempted, he had forgotten that there were other objects he could strike besides the train or ground.

Like the garbage can and bench on the central platform.

The woman, blessedly, was knocked unconscious via a blow to the head by the bench. Shinji, however, wasn't as lucky. Awareness of his own landing blossomed in his neck and shoulder as he collided with the heavy steel garbage can, extending southward on his body as his lower mass continued forward unabated. The series of cracks and crunches sounded like they should have hurt more than they did, it was obvious even as it happened that he'd not enjoy what was to follow.

The train ground to a halt, the lead engine and first car passing by them completely. The powerful vehicle wasn't fully stopped until the tail end of the second passenger car had arrived to where Shinji lay trying to regain his bearings enough to move.

"Move! Move! Out of the fucking way!" Akane's voice carried over the cries of startled passengers and bystanders, "Fucking _move_!" The doors on Shinji's side were blasted open by the combined force of Mikoto and the poor police sergeant that had been unable to prevent the near tragedy, people recoiling out of the path of the three enforcers of rules and standards owing to sheer volume and presence. "Shit, shit shit…."

Shinji tried to move, not hurting as badly as he thought he ought to, but was prevented from doing so by debris and his former passenger, "S-sorry." Speaking felt weird to him. Like his jaw wasn't quite listening to instructions.

"Don't move, hun," Akane slid to her knees. "Stay still, don't move."

"Baseplate this is Violet One-Two," Mikoto had her radio out and was glaring at everyone even remotely close to the scene, "Baseplate this is Violet One-Two, over."

"I need to disentangle her, ma'am," Sergeant Kibo was looking between the two human projectiles, "if she wakes up, she could become unruly again and hurt him."

"If she wakes up, I'll put a fucking bullet in her," Akane growled. "Go control the crowd."

Shinji heard the agent's radio come to life, Akane's tied to the same channel as Mikoto's. "Violet One-Two, this is Baseplate. What's your situation, over," the man on the radio sounded exactly like Shinji thought he should. Calm, composed, the perfect professional voice. His mind questioned why he would note that, then questioned why he would question it. Feedback loops began forming and he shoved the whole ball of tangled thoughts to the side.

The lanky-haired agent looked over to Shinji, her eyes softening slightly, "We need CASEVAC at the Hakone central plaza trolley station, principle has sustained head and spinal injuries, we can't risk moving him by vehicle at this time, over."

"Hey, hey," Akane turned her volume down on her radio, "look at me. Look." Shinji moved his eyes away from the radio towards her. "There we go, hun. Can you tell me where it hurts?" The scrapes, cuts, and bleeding was limited, but his body wasn't shaped the way it ought to have been. She could easily see the damage, she needed him to tell her what she was worried might be true.

"I-it doesn't?" His mouth still felt off, "N-no pain. H-how is she?"

"Fuck," she swore softly. "Ok, follow the finger time." She held up her hand, "Just your eyes, don't move your head, track me."

Doing as she asked, he swallowed and tried again, "How is she?"

"Dead if she so much as twitches," Akane growled. "Focus on me, ok?"

He caught motion behind his protector, "Hikari-"

Akane cut him off, "Is with the local police manager. Her and Nozomi are snug as bugs in rugs, don't you fret."

"Actually, I'm right here," Hikari interjected. Stepping delicately around the various obstacles, she knelt down by Shinji, "Focus on the test, Shinji. Nozomi is going to be in the kiosk with the police duty manager, she'll be safe." She projected an aura of calm and control, despite her inner turmoil. This was the type of situation where panic never helped, and she had plenty of time after he was somewhere safe to go find a closet and scream in terrified agony. Her boyfriend had done what he did, Nozomi had been sheltered from the worst of it, she had her duty now.

"Jaw…feels weird," he looked back to Akane. "Itchy?"

"Ten minutes," Mikoto took up a position behind Shinji. "Fucking local air control."

"C-could I move?" Shinji's arm was joining the 'odd feeling' team, "I'm uncomfortable."

"No," three voices chorused.

The following minutes were spent with light conversation, trying to keep Shinji awake and engaged. Hikari provided conversation prompts from time to time, her fingers flicking in eagerness to hold his hand, to do something useful. When the roar of a VTOL became audible, Akane checked her watch and raised an eyebrow, "That was a fast ten minutes."

A confident masculine voice sounded over the radios, "Violet One-Two, this is Feelgood. I have your taxi here, arriving in your airspace in thirty seconds, what's your pos, over."

"Feelgood, Violet One-Two, we're under the first awning to the south of the railway station. At the tail end of the second car, over." Mikoto saw the plane first, "There," she gestured for Akane towards the rapidly approaching bird.

The pilot's response was considered, "Roger, One-Two…hmm, I see a good LZ on the other side of the train from you. Setting down there, we'll be sending in Kaz and Temple with an escort. What am I onboarding, over."

"Two mobile plus casualty. My principle, Violet One-One, and one civvie. The civvie's non-negotiable, even if she has to ride in your co-pilot's lap, over."

"Heh, roger. Bringing her in, over and out."

"Thank you," Hikari's gratitude was muted.

"Someone has to drive the car back," Mikoto shrugged. "I'm going to bring them in, keep an eye on psycho."

Shinji tried to ask what was going to happen to the woman he saved, but his jaw was too numb to move right. All that came out was a low groan, garnering him two pairs of eyes.

"It's ok," Hikari reached for him, pulling back just as rapidly to not risk injuring him. "They're here, and we'll get you somewhere to be seen." Her calm, measured, tones never once cracked or wavered, "Right Akane-San?"

"That's right, hun. Just listen to your girl, I need to reposition." Standing up, Akane moved to where she could see any potential threats approaching, and be ready to prevent the 'crazy woman' from causing any more tragedy.

"Shinji, can you see me?" Hikari moved as far as she dared into his line of sight, "Can you talk?"

"Nnnng," his mouth wasn't working now. It was terrifying, being aware, conscious, but unable to communicate. He tried to reach for her, to reassure her that he was fine, but instead of raising smoothly his arm jittered and spasmed uncontrollably.

"Get the fucking lead out!" Akane bellowed from behind him, "What's the hold up?!"

His attempts to stop his arm from moving only caused the shaking to get worse, the action stuck in a feedback loop within his mind unwilling to stop until the intent had been completed and unable to complete the intent. "Hrrrn," Shinji couldn't vocalize his displeasure, or his fear, which only amplified the fear he was feeling. _And that's how the man who defeated one Angel died, children. In a pile of garbage after saving someone from being crushed by a train._ Laughter echoed through his mind at the thought, unconsciously mirrored by gasping grunts and his body spasming wildly that threatened Hikari's control of herself.

Two heavily armed paramilitary troops came hustling out of the train car, followed by two obvious medical personnel carrying a hardboard. The elder of the two, bearing SNCO stripes, began barking out orders. "Agent, move the plus one out of the way. Kaz, we're boarding him now, before he does more damage. You take his legs, I've got head." The pair moved with the crisp, professional, grace that demonstrated their extensive experience at their craft.

"C'mon Hikari, we're getting on board. They'll have him right behind us." Akane started ushering the young woman towards the VTOL. The last thing either of them saw before they were into the train car was Shinji go limp. Akane forced her to jog, not wanting to delay the departure or risk exposure to the now growing crowd of gawkers.

The crew chief stood against the side hatch with a glower for the cameras trained on the bird, "Agent, this the civvie?"

Akane nodded tightly, "Yes. Let's get her a seat, Chief."

"C'mere, miss. I have a lovely spot where you'll be able to see him once he's onboard." The big warrant officer kicked the steps down and took Hikari's hand in his, "You don't worry, Corpsman Temple's a wizard at her craft. Patched my dumb self up more than once. She and Kaz will keep him safe until we can get him home." The fatherly voice he used was an ill fit for his permanent scowl, he simply had that kind of face. "Put this on," once she was in her seat he handed her a helmet, helping her settle it in place. After it was on, his voice came through the headset installed inside, "If you need to talk, you press this," he demonstrated the button dangling from a small cord. "But only if you're asked a question, ok? This calls out to everyone on board, and we need to communicate while we're in motion, you understand?"

She depressed the button, "Yes sir," she nodded her comprehension. "I promise."

"You're doing great, kid," the pilot's voice sounded in her headset. "Chief, those buzzards are getting pushy. Watch our starboard. Raffle, give him a hand." The co-pilot unbuckled quickly, jumping over the center console and grabbing a pair of rifles on her way out. Tossing one to the crew chief she moved to a position on the other side of the open door.

"Akane!" Mikoto called over her radio, "I need you here. Too many people, not enough control."

Akane called over her shoulder, moving to support her partner, "Chief, keep her safe."

The pilot once more sounded through Hikari's headset, "Temple, no pressure but this situation's starting to weird me out. Why aren't we already airborne?"

"Second casualty regained consciousness," a male voice responded. Hikari assumed it was 'Kaz', "Temple took a blow to the back of the head, we're en route, slow going."

"Captain," the crew chief growled, "we're going to be crowded. I'm not leaving those Agents behind here. Cover me while I jettison some weight."

"Chief," the pilot chided, "those are my favorite chairs."

"It's the seats or you, Feelgood." The big man was already working quick-release levers on the bench seats, "The little lady can fly this thing, I don't need you."

'Feelgood' laughed, "You shouldn't call Raffle little, she prefers 'fun-sized'."

'Raffle' cut in, "He was talking about the plus one, Feelgood. She's calmer than you are."

He affected an air of injury, "You wound me, Raf."

"Don't tempt me." The co-pilot's voice lost its humor, "Got eyes on…god damn it," she moved to begin throwing seats further away, "Temple's been hit. Get those two on the horn and on this bird, I'm going to go help secure our brother."

"Got enough space for 'em," the crew chief hopped out and set himself to cover the agents' retreat. "Miss, I'm going to need you to tuck your legs up onto the seat with you until we're all on board. Toes get hurt easy, and I don't want him waking up and finding me because I let you lose 'em."

Hikari lifted her knees and tucked her feet under her, watching the approaching NERV personnel. One of the two escorts was helping 'Kaz' carry the hardboard, with 'Raffle' and the other helping Temple limp towards the VTOL while keeping their firearm ready to defend against any attacks. It was only years of training that kept her calm, because no matter how much she wanted to be afraid right now, she had chosen this path. If she started down the path, she had to finish it. Her Daddy wouldn't find anything else acceptable.

Once they reached the aircraft, 'Raffle' jumped spryly up in and stowed her weapon in one fluid motion, hitting her seat and spinning the engines up. 'Kaz' had Shinji, on the board, sliding into a track that locked him in place as it moved in, preventing him from sliding around. Temple sat heavily on the other side of Shinji from him, bleeding from the back of her head, her ankle clearly bruising and swelling. Once the two Agents reached the VTOL, the escort personnel conferred with them and took back off at a run towards the scene of the accident. Akane clambered in, heading to the far back with Mikoto just behind her, taking a headset each.

The crew chief was the last man on board, slamming the door shut, "Dust off, go, go, go."

The pilot took control of the frame and made for open sky, "Chief, where are those two going?"

"We need that bitch for interrogation," Akane responded. "If nothing else, I need someone to hang when the Commander fires me. They aren't going to be gentle, or careful, but they are going to get her to one of the nearby units and to NERV through there."

"They know their job, Captain," Temple cut off the noise. "Raffle, I need a line home." Hikari watched the younger co-pilot flip a switch, turn a dial, then give a thumb's up. The old SNCO's voice was inaudible over the roar of the engines and through the headgear. Whatever had been done, it cut the channel for her out of the loop.

The smallish co-pilot spoke once more, "Kaz, what's going on with our brother?"

"Intracranial hemorrhaging. Whatever he did, he led with his head." The man was constantly in motion, setting things in place, taking samples, measurements, no movement wasted. "We're having problem identifying the location of the injury, though. No bruising, no external bleeding despite the blood, no obvious breaks or fractures." He wasn't wrong, Shinji no longer looked like he had when Hikari left the scene.

The Class Rep sat quietly, tuning out the rest of the discussion. Whatever was happening, she couldn't help. She had to hold out. She couldn't break down until he wasn't in front of her. He needed her to be strong, to be calm. He was far from shore, and she needed to be the steady presence to guide him home.

+++++ 3rd Angel + 15 : Saturday (16)

Gendo pressed the speaker button on his phone, "Report."

"He's currently floating in a tank of the modified LCL," Kozo's voice sounded far older than his years, an achievement if ever there was one. "Imaging shows what looks to be several months old injuries. Spinal compression, fractures both major and minor, muscle tears, internal bruising, none of which are replicated on the scans taken after the change. He heals incredibly quickly, now."

Gendo kept his voice even, despite his frustration with everything it wouldn't do to appear agitated, "Prognosis?"

"Akagi won't say," the old professor sighed, "and I can't blame her. You saw the video, he should be in surgery undergoing extensive efforts to save his life. Surgery that now would do more harm than good. Cutting him open risks far too much for little gain."

"And the woman?"

"Armed with a chemical agent. Had she been struck by the train while holding it, everyone within fifty meters would likely have been exposed when it exploded." He coughed, "Shinji's act of altruism likely saved his life, the chemical engineers are analyzing it now, but it's highly improbable that the canister contained anything non-lethal. We have our counter-intelligence specialists combing over her history for both explanations and backers, but all signs right now point to a member of the Council."

"Have the reports forwarded directly to me upon completion," Gendo grit his teeth. He had been prepared to terminate the little sideshow that Kozo had foisted on him, bringing Shinji back into line with fear and intimidation. Now? Now he couldn't do so without eliminating everyone that had seen him act the foolish hero. Pride in his son warred with the fear that his chances at reunion had been centimeters from gory death.

Whoever it was, working for SEELE, that had attempted to murder Shinji needed to be dealt with. And so Gendo's rage had a new focus to occupy it, finding a target.


	18. Chapter 18

+++++ 3rd Angel + 16 : Sunday (17)

"So, long story short," Noelle 'Raffle' Minders sat with Hikari, watching Shinji in the late-evening early-morning hours, "Feelgood broke at least sixteen laws in flying as low and as fast as he did. Twelve of which, individually, were enough to get him grounded. However, because he gets to use the 'do you have anyone else to pilot that behemoth' card, he gets to spend a day in the brig for insubordination instead."

Hikari laughed, tired but thankful that she wasn't alone with her thoughts, "I'll have to thank him later."

"Nah," the upbeat blonde pilot rolled her eyes and smiled wolfishly, "he'll just get a big head if you do that. He enjoys flouting the law, the fact that he gets to use our brother as cover for his wildcard nonsense is enough of a thanks from you two."

"You keep calling Shinji that," she looked to Shinji, then back to the pilot at her side.

Noelle's voice became solemn, "That purple bitch may not have wings, but your boy there makes her fly." Pointing towards the unconscious Third Child, she gripped Hikari's shoulder, "Pilots like us, we take responsibility for billions, trillions, of Yen worth of mechanical equipment and go out with nothing between us and the reaper but our wits and talent." Dropping her hand into a fist, her eyes aflame, "He went out and killed that beast without prior training, without backup, with nothing but those wits and talent. That makes him one of us, now. And us pilots stick together." She grinned, "It takes a special kind of lady to stay calm like you have when your man's fighting for his life. You ever consider joining up? Might make a good pilot yourself."

Hikari shook her head with a self-deprecating laugh, "No, no. I'm not athletic enough, and it'd take me away from Shinji."

"So he's the one, eh?" Noelle nodded, "I can respect that. You need to be careful though, we're going to take him out for drinks after his next sortie. Seventeen or not, if he's old enough to dance he's old enough to get drunk. You sure he won't wander when the beer goggles go on? There are some pretty attractive ladies in the Corps."

"He doesn't wander," Hikari stated firmly. "He's had more than enough women dangling themselves in front of him, if he were the type to look for it he'd not be waiting for me."

"Hmm," the blonde sat back thoughtfully. "Ok, I think we know his handle then. After his next sortie, we'll take him out and see how it fits."

"Handle?" Hikari pantomimed carrying something, "Like the strap on a case?"

"No no," Noelle laughed easily, "it's what we call each other. Mine's 'Raffle', Shinsuke's is 'Feelgood'. There might be people in a pilot's corps with the same name, so we get assigned a handle to use instead. It's a tradition for pilots, the other members of the Corps choosing it for them based on some character quirk, or something they did or had happen."

"Then…you won a raffle?"

"No," Noelle's smile dimmed, "I lost one." Shaking it off, she resumed her normal grin, "Feelgood is a big fan of American Rock and Roll, and one song in particular." Patting her legs, she stood and crossed to the tank holding Shinji. Leaning against it, she looked him up and down, "So, our boy here, I got a good one for him if what you're saying turns out provable. He's no nug, but once can be luck. Twice can be coincidence, but I don't believe in it."

Hikari slowly gained her feet, "I feel the same way. Everything happens for a reason, even if that reason is the million things that came before the event." She crossed to the glass separating her from the man she loved, "He saved me. Even if I didn't love him, even though it's only been two weeks, he's still meant to be in my life. I know it." She tried to swallow the tears back, "He can't die yet." When she coughed out the first sob, Hikari felt Noelle wrap an arm around her and squeeze. Shinji wasn't awake. It had been hours now, and she could let it out. She had to let it out before it cut her open any further.

+++++ 3rd Angel + 16 : Sunday (17)

The void was immense.

There was no real awareness to be found for Shinji, he couldn't feel himself move, couldn't see or hear, no matter what impulses he sent to his body there was nothing to show that any body parts he had listened and complied. When he tried to call out for help, nothing. When he tried to scream, nothing. No pain in his chest as he held his breath, no pain in his heart as he willed it to stop.

He was alone.

+++++ 3rd Angel + 16 : Sunday (17)

"I'm ok," Hikari responded, clearly tired. Her phone call to check in with everyone back at home was the only reason she was in the hall outside of Shinji's room, "They're moving him into a bed later today. I've asked if he can have visitors, and Akagi Sensei said that she'd try to place him somewhere that isn't 'sensitive' so that we can bring in Nozomi."

Kodama's voice was just as tired, and Hikari knew that her elder sister had also not had a good night's sleep, "Right. I've set it up with my school so that I can be with him when you're at class. One of the two of us will be with him at all times, Hikari, don't worry."

"School," Hikari grimaced at the word. "When he wakes up and I'm not there, could you instead tell him I died? It might be less painful than saying I went to class rather than stay with him." Letting her head rest against the cool metal wall, she tried to argue with herself about responsibility and duty. "Why can't I be like everyone else, Ko-Ko? Why can't I just drop out of school, marry him, have a couple of children, and spend my life as a loving wife and mother?"

"Because you'd always regret not finishing what you started," her older sister's tone shifted to consoling. She knew that Kodama had faith in her, and it allowed her to show weakness without fear. "If you don't go to college, if you stay with him and raise a family, nobody will judge you. I won't, Daddy won't, and you know mom would have been fine with it. But you started high school. You gave your word to your classmates that you'd support them."

"And a Horaki keeps her word," Hikari sighed. "I'm gonna go. I'll call you when he's somewhere you can visit." She was just going to wind herself up if she didn't go back in the room and resume her meditation. Maya had stopped by, dropping off a tablet that had access to a limited set of MAGI coding data for her to occupy herself with, and it was calming to work on the project.

"Please do, sis. We love him too, and I want to chew him a new one for risking himself like that."

"I will," Hikari promised. "Love you sis."

"Love you too. Bye," the line went dead just as Kodama's voice strained from holding back her own tears.

+++++ 3rd Angel + 17 : Monday (18)

"I'm working nights," Kodama yawned again. "My pit boss is an enthusiastic fan of the old Godzilla movies, and so when he heard that I needed to switch my shifts around so that I could be here for the pilot of Unit-01, he beat people into submission for me."

Ritsuko grinned, remembering her own short tour through 'hands-on training', "So, a nurse, and a Class Representative looking like she'd make a great leader or university instructor. What wonder should we expect from your youngest sister, then?" Checking the feeds on Shinji's I.V.s, she made note of the way his body had healed around the stents. "Perhaps a politician, or business mogul?"

"No, no," Kodama laughed at the thought. "If anything, I see her becoming a psychologist or social worker. She's a natural at seeing the root of people's problems, and has thrown herself into the task of making Sleeping Beauty there happy."

 _True love's kiss didn't wake him up,_ the bottle blonde thought. _Unless, of course, Hikari isn't the one for him._ "He's very lucky to have found a new family that's so open to dealing with his problems." She could feel the desire to try kissing him worming its way through her defenses. "The issues he's facing would occupy a staff psychologist full time, if we could get one authorized." Feeling his arm, then moving to run her hand along his chest, she let her touch linger. "He'll need another bath. I'll need to have a talk to the nurse caring for him, they didn't get the LCL completely off." _Mark him. Claim him now._

"I could handle that," Kodama offered quickly. "I may not have my credentials, but I'm technically family so it should be ok."

"Are you sure?" Ritsuko turned slightly, "You'll have to handle everything, or I'll write a rather scathing note to your instructors. He is your sister's boyfriend, and I mean _everything_."

"I can handle it," she nodded firmly. "I'd rather know it was done properly, if someone here is half-assing it."

"The bed-bath tools are in the bathroom," she waved towards the small attached room. "I'd recommend running the tap for a few minutes, our warm water pressure in these rooms isn't high on the maintenance list."

"At least that's common across hospitals," Kodama laughed quietly. "Thanks, I promise I'll make sure he's spotless."

Watching the other woman turn and enter the bathroom, the door automatically closing behind her, Ritsuko closed her eyes and clenched her fists. The chant of ' _mark him_ ' was drowning out thought, making it harder and harder to stay civil. "I'm supposed to be your guardian," she whispered. "I'm supposed to make sure you have a healthy life. I'm supposed to play nice with the younger, more attractive, available women in your life."

Soon, she was leaning over him, her face centimeters from his. She wasn't wearing lipstick today, she wouldn't leave any obvious physical evidence. She could…try. Just, maybe a little touch of her lips to his. To see if it quieted the voice for a time. It wouldn't hurt anyone. He wasn't awake, nobody was around. The faucet was still quite audible. Just a touch. _Mark him. Mark him. Mark him._

"Is there a problem with his breathing?" Kodama's voice startled her, causing her to jump back.

"Sorry! I was focused on his counts. His rate changed, and I was hoping he might have been regaining consciousness." She forced order on her thoughts, "I'm sorry. I'm jumpy right now, the Commander is breathing down my neck."

"Oh, I understand," Kodama nodded easily. "I was going to ask that you put in a complaint, if you wouldn't mind. The cabinet in here is in disarray, I had to dig to find things. I know I'd be marked down hard for leaving it like that for the next shift."

"Absolutely," Ritsuko made a quick note on her tablet. "I'm going to be back in about six hours, unless something changes. If you're still here I'd love to hear more about how he's integrating with his new sisters." Waving, she hurried off, eager to get away from the distractions.

As soon as the door closed, Kodama's easy-going smile dropped into a scowl. "Shinji, I get the feeling that we need to step up our plans. I don't trust her, not one bit." She turned back into the bathroom, grabbing the basin and specialized cleaning sponges, "But first, bath time." Setting everything out, her smile came back, "I wonder if they'd let me do shifts here with you, instead. Cleaning your catheter, rolling you over, giving you baths and changing bedpans and stringing I.V. fluids." As she gently scrubbed him down, she kept a constant stream of conversation up. It might not help, but she'd read enough literature the night before on coma patients to know that it didn't hurt to talk to them as if they were there.

She knew it helped her.

+++++ 3rd Angel + 17 : Monday (18)

"So he's asleep, because his body doesn't know it's supposed to be awake?" Nozomi looked up at Maya from her perch on the mousey technician's lap, "And we don't have a way to tell his body that it's time to wake up."

"That's a good way to put it, Nozomi-Chan," Maya smiled sadly. "His brain is very active, so he's not vegetative. But despite our best efforts, he won't respond to what we're doing."

The little spitfire watched her sister, who was seated on Shinji's bed, holding his hand and speaking to him about everything that happened at school. "He'll get better," she stated confidently. "He has to make Hikari happy."

Maya smiled outwardly, keeping her reservations and concerns unspoken. He had to get better, but not because his girlfriend needed him. Not because a charming little girl said so. He had to get better because if another Angel came and he wasn't, they'd all die.

+++++ 3rd Angel + 18 : Tuesday (19)

 _I warned you,_ the voice taunted him. _I warned you, and warned you, and warned you._

"I didn't fight the changes!" He cried out, "I haven't fought _anything_!"

 _You say that, and yet here you are._ He felt a phantom touch work along his abdomen, _Unless…this is where you want to be?_

"I don't even know where I am," he could see nothing. Black as the deepest cavern, there was nothing to give it form or definition.

 _But you do, my pet. You know exactly where you are. You just choose to ignore it, like the changes._

"What changes?!" The touch shifted down his body, caressing things best left alone. "S-stop!"

The touch turned painful, a crushing grip, _You promised me anything, Toy. Will you fight your own promises as well?_

The pain left as suddenly as it had arrived, the presence leaving with it. The interaction, the ability to feel his own existence, the sound of his voice, all gone. He screamed without hearing, struggled without feeling. He was alone once more.

+++++ 3rd Angel + 18 : Tuesday (19)

"All I'm saying," Misato played with Shinji's feet, "is that the key difference between Shinji and any other man I've ever known, is that he's never once stared at my tits. Even the Commander took a look, and I'd swear he's emotionally dead."

Kodama shrugged, "They're really rather nice, to be honest." Working her grip along Shinji's arm, moving the muscles and blood around, the nurse-in-training laughed, "You know, I don't know that he's ever looked at mine either, except in profile." She tilted her head, "How do you take that? I mean, it's nice that he's not ruled by his hormones, but at the same time it's nice to know when someone appreciates good art."

"See?" Misato shifted her attention to his toes, slowly flexing each in turn, "You understand where I'm coming from. It's normal, it's background noise. I have a lovely pair, they're out there for everyone to see, I can't hide them, so people looking is normal. But Shinji? Not once." She looked up at the woman she had apologized to not half an hour ago, and smiled ruefully, "I mean, here's the most attractive, attentive, pleasant to be around guy I've ever met, and what does that mean for me if he doesn't think the girls are worth a glance?"

"It makes you wonder," Kodama nodded. "Is the reason I can't find a stable relationship because I'm not attractive to anyone but assholes or cunts? Or," she nodded thoughtfully, "maybe he's an ass man. Hikari doesn't walk around showing hers, so I can't say how we stack up. Maybe seeing her in bloomers at school got him going. We'd need more data points."

"Wait," Misato looked behind her, "do I not have a nice ass? I thought I was a dual threat here, what are you saying?"

"It's nice, but is it the kind of nice he likes?" She shrugged, "I mean, again, limited data points to work with."

"Back to square one," Misato grimaced playfully.

+++++ 3rd Angel + 18 : Tuesday (19)

"Your desk was already overfull," Hikari sighed. "It seems the whole school is putting cards and other well-wishes in there every time I look away." She was alone today, "Nozomi went to tell Sakura. I'm sure Sakura's going to be upset that you aren't in her room up there where she can keep an eye on you." She paused, struggling to think of something to talk about that wasn't unpleasant, "Don't think poorly of Nozomi, you know she'd be in two places if she could." She swallowed, "But you'd not think poorly of her, would you? That's not you. You'd insist she go up and see her, insist that others be put before you."

Clenching her toes, trying to avoid crushing Shinji's hand in hers, she growled, "You put that crazy woman before yourself. Before Nozomi. Before me." A few tears escaped, which she wiped away swiftly, regaining her calm, "It was nice of the pilots to visit, wasn't it? Shinsuke-San insisting I call him by that silly name." She nodded, "I know, I should. It's what he asked me to do, and he said you're going to have one yourself after your next fight."

The thought of him fighting scared her. The thought of him being unable to fight scared her more. "You have to wake up, Shinji. If an Angel comes…Ayanami-San said she can't 'pilot at one hundred percent efficiency' yet. We need you." _Tell him the truth,_ "I…I need you."

+++++ 3rd Angel + 19 : Wednesday (20)

"Nah, see," Temple moved Shinji's fingers into a fist, "without anything to move the fingers against, the muscles in the wrist strain." Picking up the stress ball she carried everywhere, she slid it into his hand, closing his fingers again, "Notice the pisiform, how it doesn't displace now? Limiting the repetitions that little bone has to do will keep him behind a trigger longer."

"Why doesn't this get taught?" Kodama walked over, feeling along Shinji's arm while Temple worked the joints, "I mean, yes it'll take a little more time per patient, but they never said anything in class!"

"Because what you're taught is intended for the mouth-breathers," the old Senior NCO snorted. "They dumb everything down to make sure they graduate as many people as possible, which is horse shit."

Kaz nodded from his chair, "Remember, they still call the guy to graduate last in his class 'Doctor'."

"Keep your options open, missy," Temple handed Shinji's wrist over for Kodama to try herself. "You could do a lot worse than joining up and learning how to be a Corpsman. It's shit pay, but we take care of our own." She looked to the glowing digital clock hanging before Shinji's bed, "C'mon Kaz. We're on in ten."

"Hey," Kaz stood up, "if you notice shit like this happening, you give us a call, all right?" He pointed to Shinji's arm, "We have ways of making waves around here, and he deserves a damn medal for saving that woman, for saving everyone, not early RMIs and an inability to hold his grandkids later in life." Nodding in farewell, he joined Temple in walking out of the room.

Once the door was closed, Kodama smiled down at the young man she missed. "Yeah, my options can't be too open, you know?" Bending down, she kissed him tenderly, hugging him as gently as she could, "Someone needs to be here to watch your back."

+++++ 3rd Angel + 19 : Wednesday (20)

"So he's sitting there," Misato pantomimed someone fake-typing, "trying to look like he's doing something despite watching the security cameras in the gym. I'm creeping up on him to administer an ass-chewing because I'm already in a foul mood, when _someone_ turns around and goes full professional wrestling on him."

"It's disgusting," Maya huffed. "Makoto is bad enough when he lingers as he looks at anything with an X-chromosome in his eyesight, but the new guy is just shameless!" She looked to Hikari, "I swear, it's men like that who give men like Shinji a bad name. Not every guy is ruled by his pants, as Shinji proves, but the ones that are just…blech."

Hikari giggled, her spirits improved with the two women including her in honest conversation and banter, "So what did you do?" She looked between the two, "Nozomi loves NJPW, so I'm familiar with the general showmanship."

"She picked up the trashcan," Misato jumped off her perch on the counter, pantomiming the entire event, "stuffed it over his head, and kicked him into the railing." Lifting her foot up she performed a form-perfect 'big boot' attack, despite wearing heels and a pencil-mini. Not for the first time, Hikari was reminded of how powerfully attractive Shinji's former housemate was.

"You did _not_!" Hikari gasped, turning to Maya, "Aren't you going to get in trouble for that?"

"HR exists to sign our paychecks," Misato smirked. "Nobody on the bridge saw anything, they'll swear it up and down, and when I fired him for being out of uniform during a crisis nobody will say anything."

"If he wanted to keep his job, he shouldn't have been disrupting the security boards and ogling his co-workers while on duty." Maya nodded righteously, "If he's a creep off duty, I can't stop that, but I won't allow anyone to be harassed here at work." Her eyes flicked to Misato, "Even if they refuse to call it harassment."

"Rits-chan and I have a long-standing agreement that breast groping is allowed when the other is too distracted to pay attention," Misato announced haughtily. "Just because she never catches me unaware doesn't mean I won't force her to uphold the agreement."

"To be fair," Hikari added quietly, "Ritsuko Sensei does have a very nice pair of breasts."

Maya's jaw dropped as her retort was cut short, turning to regard the young Class Rep with a wide-eyed smile, she just laughed, "Oh really?"

"Not as nice as Misato's," Hikari admitted. "And yours are also really very appealing." She shrugged, "It's nice that Misato has a friend that appreciates her enough to allow that. I hope someday I can have that kind of a friendship with someone who appreciates me like that." She toyed with Shinji's hand in her lap, "Other than Shinji, of course. That's a much different friendship, I think."

Misato reached over and rubbed Hikari's back, nodding in understanding.

Maya's mind was flitting from statement to statement, both saddened at Shinji's illness and elated at the knowledge that Hikari _did_ find her attractive. He needed to wake up, they needed to have that dinner. She wasn't normally into men, but maybe it was just that she wasn't into males in general, not specific cases like the gentle warrior before her. He wouldn't always need a guardian. And it wasn't bad to leave options open for the three of them together…was it?

+++++ 3rd Angel + 20 : Thursday (21)

"Is his care here acceptable?" Toshiro kept his voice low, out of respect for the young man laying unconscious before him.

"Old friend," Kozo gave him a stern look.

The big man returned a level look, "Friendship is personal, we're speaking as professionals now." Turning back to regard Kodama, he repeated the question, "Is his care here acceptable?"

"Not really," Kodama shrugged. "The closets always look like someone's been rooting through them, the bathroom is cleaned maybe once every other day, I've had to change his sheets at least two times myself, they don't bathe him properly. It's why I mentioned something to the corpsmen that have visited."

"It's why, sir," Raffle spoke up, "I insisted you come here today. It's not going to be great for morale if the most important man in the building can't get a decent nurse to watch him. It's grand that Kodama here goes the extra mile, but aren't we supposed to be doing it?"

"You placed him in my home, Kozo-San. Either his care improves or I bill you for the services the Shirakami will provide for him." He raised his eyebrow, "Either way, I want to know why it is that nothing is done regarding continued complaints from family."

"And fellow staff," Raffle added. "You told us we're being open here, sir. If I have to put one of my brothers or sisters in here, I know for damn sure I'm going to be checking in on them a lot more than I would normally. Or, we're just going to all go straight to the corpsmen and bug them."

"Lieutenant," Kozo grimaced, "I appreciate your enthusiasm, but I doubt the care here is so unsatisfactory that lives are in danger."

"They might be, Uncle," Kodama scowled. "I caught a nurse about to hang a bag of potassium chloride, instead of a banana bag. When I asked, she claimed confusion, then left to verify orders." She shifted uncomfortably, "I didn't see her come back. If the dose was wrong on that, or she ran it too long, she could induce a heart attack."

"When was this, child," Toshiro's tone reached the kind of 'gentle' that indicated pain was imminent.

"That was just before you two showed up," Raffle answered quickly. "Kodama and I were chatting about hairstyles for him, and the nurse came in, surprised I was here. She's usually on third shift, I think. Whenever I come in to work out, she's always coming off. Didn't know she was in medical though, usually has a grey jumpsuit."

Kozo's jaw locked in place, his eyes flat, "Please press the call button for the nurse, if you would Kodama-Chan."

Kodama quickly complied. The minutes stretched out in silence, Raffle standing with her arms crossed, tapping her foot to some unheard tune. Toshiro was prepared to physically carry Shinji anywhere else in the world, if necessary, and he could see Kodama shifting slowly to block access to their newest family member. Kozo Fuyutsuki, however, knew that this was not the first attempt on Shinji's life, and was mentally processing a list of necessary changes to ensure the young man lived long enough to risk his life in the Eva.

After five straight minutes of silence, Kodama risked a look at Raffle, who shook her head slightly mouthing 'I know'. The pilot herself wasn't really thrilled to know that this was how NERV treated anyone, let alone someone she'd regard as a peer. But she could also read Kozo's mood well enough to know that the point had been made, and saying anything else risked his wrath coming down on them.

It wasn't until ten minutes later that the door opened to admit Misato, and not the anticipated nurse. Feeling four sets of eyes locked onto her, she grinned weakly, "Uh, hi." The Tactical Commander looked behind her, seeing nobody, then back into the room where everyone was clearly angered, "So…bad time?"

"Captain," Kozo stated calmly, "would you be so kind as to go bodily haul the closest medical personnel you can find back here? You have my authorization to be uncivil about it, should they protest." He pressed a button on his phone, appearing as unfazed as he could while internally feeling as if he wanted to begin depopulating the hospital area. His entire plan was threatening to go up in smoke, and he did not know for certain whether it was an external threat or just incompetence.

"I'll spot ya an 'and," Raffle's accent popped out in her irritation. "Just 'case we 'ave to break a stem or two." The blonde pilot tossed her jacket across the back of a nearby chair and tilted her head down the hallway in their expected direction of travel, "Wouldn't want ya to be late carryin' ten stone of stupid shoved inna five stone sack."

When the door closed once more, Toshiro looked to Kozo, "Unacceptable." The big man assumed a more openly defensive position, slowly rotating his shoulders to prepare for any necessary actions.

"Very." The old professor's glare should have melted the door where it stood, "There will be an explanation, or there will be vacancies." He looked back to Kodama, then to Shinji, "Perhaps corpses. I don't usually hold much stock in violent solutions, but even I have my limits."

Less than two minutes had passed by the time the door reopened, a clearly frightened nurse's assistant half-walking, half-dragged between Raffle and Misato, "S-s-sir, th-th-they t-told m-me-"

"Who is in charge of the ward at this moment," Kozo cut him off.

"Momose-San," he offered up the name eagerly.

Kozo looked to Misato, "Where did you locate this man?"

"Nurse's station, end of the hall," she tilted her head in the intended direction.

"When we nabbed 'im, 'e was fillin' out papers." Raffle glared at the man, continuing on in a sing-song, "Ignorin' th' call light."

"P-per Momose-San's orders," the man stammered out, "n-nobody goes i-in here a-alone."

"Interesting," Toshiro stated simply. "Do your legs not work? Are you all alone, assigned responsibility for every room on this relatively empty floor?" The mountain-made-flesh towered over everyone in the room, his opinions regarding failure, real or perceived, evident in his bearing and tone.

"Where's your nurse?" Kodama added, "Why aren't they available?"

The door slid back open, "Who gaaaaa," the big woman noticed Kozo glaring at her. "S-Sub Commander."

"Kodama-Chan," the old professor looked down to his niece, "is stuttering infectious?"

"No, Uncle. It's caused by a number of factors, but the condition isn't contagious." Kodama glowered at the woman she knew to be the floor's 'pit boss'.

"Now, in as few words as possible," looming despite the size difference between them, Kozo approached the chief nurse, "explain why there is an order to ignore the call light to Pilot Ikari's room."

"Y-you ordered it," she gestured jerkily towards the aged gentleman. "I-I have it right here," she reached into her pocket, only to have Misato spin over and grasp her wrist, locking it in place, her other hand setting the business end of her ever-present sidearm under the woman's chin.

The violet-haired woman's mouth was set in a hard line, "Please, allow us." Misato was able to read the room clearly, and despite her previous failures at protecting the young man laying in state behind her, she knew that lives were in danger. Those lives would not be on her team.

"You, 'ave a seat." Raffle pointed the nurse's assistant to a chair in the corner, "Move yer 'ands an' she'll give ya a new piercin', clear?" Reaching into the big woman's scrubs pocket, she pulled out the pit boss' PDA. "Password?"

"I-I-I," she was cut off with a punch to the ribs.

"I isn't a number. Yer password's numbers, give."

Misato pressed harder under the woman's chin with her firearm, "Now."

She squealed out the answer, "T-two four s-six z-zero one."

"Checkin' e-mails," the pilot started pulling up the application and running through the list. "Last one on mailserv from you…according to this, you authorized a medical 'old on any intervention 'til further notice." She shook her head, "Unless you sent it while you were in 'ere with us, though, or delayed delivery until then…. No offense, sir, just thinking out loud." She looked up thoughtfully.

"Potassium chloride, a heart attack, and no response until it was too late," Kodama spelled it out plain. "I'm pulling his I.V., there's no telling if this isn't keeping him unconscious." She began working, "Just because it's labelled one way doesn't mean it hasn't been tampered with." Shaking her head, she started to assess him as an emergent case without any previous case history, "Everything's coming out, catheter, oh-two, everything."

"Agreed," Kozo nodded once. "Momose-San, was it?" The woman nodded, "You're going to accompany Captain Katsuragi and Captain Minders. You're going to locate the nurse assigned to this room. They are authorized, in fact they are _encouraged_ to motivate anyone they must in any way necessary to find this person. You," he pointed to the nurse's assistant, "will travel with them. If you find your nurse, and it is not the one that Momose-San assigned you, speak out. Right now, both of your lives hang on my good will. You'll note I'm not overly full of such at the moment. Move."

"His medical care," Toshiro began as the four people assigned their tasks departed, "is unacceptable."

"I'm not entirely positive I ever disagreed, Toshiro-San. I just need proof before I start shooting people, a limitation you're not burdened with, as I understand it," Kozo retorted witheringly. "Kodama-Chan, what paperwork is needed from me to beg your university for authorization to permanently attach you to him?"

"I don't know Uncle," not taking her eyes off her efforts, she sighed, "I'm in my last semester, but I still need to take the courses and do the tours on the wards through to the end. It's part of my licensing, which is what I need in addition to the degree, so that I can actually practice nursing." She decided to speak up again, "Why wasn't Akagi-San paying better attention? She's the doctor in charge of his case, isn't she?"

"A question I intend to ask, dear," Kozo sighed. "But right now, I can't leave until Section Two responds, which shouldn't be taking as long as it is." He held up his own mobile phone, "I pressed the call button quite some time ago."

"Go do what you must, old friend," Toshiro cracked his neck. "Nothing shall get to Shinji-dono, not so long as I draw breath."

The door burst open again, admitting a clearly winded Makoto, "Sir…Misato…Angel…." He stood hunched over, heaving breaths and sweating profusely.

Cautiously eyeing her father, who had readied himself to reconfigure Misato's assistant, the eldest Horaki Sister grimaced. "Straighten your back," she called from her position at Shinji's bedside, her eyes on her duty rendering aid to the man she'd taken a serious liking to. "It forces you to draw in more air."

Kozo dialed the number to connect him to the bridge, receiving a dull beeping reply as the circuit denied connection, "Of course." He shook his head, "Toshiro, anything gets in our way please remove it. Hyuga-Kun, assist Miss Horaki in carrying the Third Child. We're heading to the Evas, I believe we're under attack."

+++++ 3rd Angel + 20 : 4th Angel + 0 : Thursday (21)

 _So, have you decided to stop fighting the changes?_ The voice seemed amused, _Because I'm perfectly willing to reset_ everything _so that you have to start all over again. Maybe make it so that next time, your little Light is dead. Or worse._

"I…don't know…what changes…I'm fighting," Shinji couldn't draw enough breath in, he couldn't feel his chest, nothing made sense. The void was everything, except when the voice deigned to speak to him. "I can't…not fight…what I don't…understand…."

 _If I tell you, what will you give me?_ He felt the caress along his chest, _Will you keep your promise?_

"I didn't…promise you…anything," he clenched his jaw. "I said…I won't…lose!" He felt the caress begin to include nails, sharp and tearing, "I…won't…lose… _again_!" Anger, pure and unrestrained, flooded him as he found something to struggle against. It wasn't just the void, now. The void was nothingness until the voice which hid within appeared to provide form and definition for him to anchor to, and with the presence here, the void couldn't stop him any longer. "My Light," Shinji yelled out, a challenge to the presence hurting him, "is _everything_. And I…will fight you, I will fight…the Angels, I…will fight the world…if it tries…to stop _me from being with her!_ "

 _Then fight,_ the voice sneered. _Show me that you are what you profess to be. Show me that you are not some weak, sniveling, coward. Fight, and I may yet be merciful._

Awareness flooded Shinji's mind, he was submerged in…. _LCL?_ Sucking in a lungful, the only way for him to talk, he reached for his communications cuff, only to realize he wasn't wearing anything. "What?!"

"Shinji?" Maya's voice reached him, "Are you awake? Please tell me you're awake…."

"I…I'm here," he looked around, "in Unit-01?" _Then fight._ "An Angel. Maya, you have to connect me to Unit-01, now!"

"We're starting the sequence, Shinji," he could hear the relief flooding her voice. "Starting base connection in three, two."

The anticipated tingle spread through him as he began to synchronize with his giant armor, "Why do I…it's all itchy." He reached up to scratch at his chest, "I feel like my insides are covered in ants." The sensation was causing him to lose focus, which would prove disastrous if he couldn't properly sync with his Evangelion.

"We injected you with a few things, Shinji," Kodama's voice came through the link. "It's going to feel very odd for a bit, just don't go nuts, ok? Try to keep your breathing steady, and focus on control." He could feel her worry despite the distance, she wasn't happy with what was happening.

"Kodama?" Shinji blinked as the A-10 connection clanked into place, brightening his HUD in a rainbow cascade and allowing video footage to be displayed. His housemate stood behind Maya, scrawling notes onto a clipboard and looking at a monitor just off screen. The last thing he remembered was the train. Why was Kodama here, on the bridge during an attack? How long had he been unconscious?

"No time to explain," Misato cut off everyone as she reached her post, "to anyone. Shinji, we have a positive ID on an Angel approaching from the South. I need you to get out there and get it the hell off my lawn, can you do that?" Her chocolate-colored eyes confirmed she was in full-business mode. Nothing was a higher priority than killing the Angels to her right now, and he could either do his duty or get out of her way while she found another way.

 _Then fight._

"Gladly," he nodded once, firmly. Whatever the voice was, it had threatened Hikari. Whatever the voice was, it had threatened them all. It had intended to allow the Angel to kill everyone. It had tried to reset time again! "Get me out there." His body was all aches and itching, his hair floated around his face distracting him, but nothing would prevent him from meeting the enemy. Nothing.

"Shinji, baby, please," Kodama cut in. "Control. You let your blood pressure go too high and you're going to have a stroke. You won't be able to fight, you won't be able to _live_ if you stroke out where I can't get to you, ok?" She looked at him with wide, bright, grey-green eyes, "For me, baby. Calm. Focus. Control."

Shinji didn't understand what a stroke was, but if it was enough to worry Kodama like that, it wasn't a good thing. "Just like Gen taught me." He closed his eyes and focused on his breathing, "Ok. Simple…. I can do this." Future and past blurred for him as his body began to churn through the chemicals inside of it, "I…I need to use my A.T. Field. Expand it." _The Angel looks like a giant phallic-shaped squid. Purple, whips of light. Light. Hikari, I'm so sorry._

"Just like we've trained," Misato nodded. "Science, can we launch?"

"Another ten seconds," Maya called back. "We launch him now, the g-forces could kill him. I need him to wind down just a bit more."

 _Ten seconds is too long._ Shinji scowled, opening his eyes and locking in on his commander, "Misato, I'm go for launch." He wouldn't let another Sakura happen. Ten seconds could put the Angel by a shelter, or in the city. "Just have to focus on calm." He took a deep breath, "Please, Misato. _Trust me._ "

"You die on me," the bombshell Captain left the rest of the threat unspoken. "Makoto, launch."

"Not yet," Maya turned, "ju-"

Misato shouted over the Lieutenant, "Launch, Makoto, now!"

Shinji felt the sled kick in, sending him skywards. The microphone gain had been increased to compensate for the lack of plugsuit VOX mic, and everyone heard him chanting, "Extend A.T. Field, pick up rifle, target orb." Over and over he repeated the three steps as Unit-01 rocketed towards the fight. The strain of ten seconds of more than seven times normal gravity during his race to the surface was enough for him to begin to bleed from his nose.

"He's bleeding," Kodama whispered. "Please, Shinji," she prayed. "Please, baby, hold it together. Don't make me hate myself any more than I already do." She annotated on her chart a few more details, things that whoever put him back together afterwards would need to know. She used a terse shorthand, unable to look away from him for more than a half of a second at a time.

Hitting the end of his ride, Shinji coughed as his body jolted upwards, "Prepping A.T. Field," he called out.

"Armaments are in Juliet Six Five," Misato threw up a waypoint for him, "Angel is on an approach vector from your South South West. Contact in ten seconds, Shinji. Move!"

"Pick up rifle," he shook his head as his vision swam, "pick up rifle. Pick…pick up rifle." Unit-01 stumbled slightly as it began to move, then broke into a run. Reaching the target building, he ripped the weapon free of its moorings and crouched to pick up the ammunition from the base of the container. "Slap magazine in place," he shoved it in firmly, "pull lever back," the slide moved as Unit-01's huge mitt grabbed it. He looked into the ejection port, "round is chambered."

Misato's voice broke into his methodical process, "Contact front, Shinji! One o'clock low!"

"Contact…contact," Shinji wobbled a bit as he stood, "I see it." The memory of his first encounter with the Fourth Angel rolled through his mind, "Need…need to counter it's A.T. Field." He grimaced, "Focus. Expanding." He planted his feet and shouldered his rifle, "Come here you…you _monster_!" His breathing grew ragged, "Come on!"

The Angel swam along on invisible strands of its own A.T. Field, rearing up just as it reached the unexpected source of all its current pain. Its primary mission forgotten, it wound its limber tentacles to end the threat before it. Heedless that its actions were exposing the one thing that, once destroyed, would end it forever.

Shinji pushed his A.T. Field out as far as he could, stunning Shamshel and eliminating the boundaries between them.

 _What madness?!_ A new voice, belonging to the Fourth Angel, rang in Shinji's mind clearly, _Cease your perversion, child of…the Father?_ There was a stunned sense of revelation in the statement, the Angel realizing something that it had never expected, would never have anticipated. _You-_

Shinji decided he didn't need to hear any more today. "Center the target, pull the trigger." True to his words, Unit-01 moved as an extension of his being. Twitching, as he was twitching. Breathing, as he was breathing. Despite the chaos of emotions and body chemistry, Shinji and Eva acted as one to hold the titanic rifle steady, depressing the trigger without hesitation.

The entire magazine emptied in rapid succession, sending untold tons of depleted uranium towards the exposed core of the Fourth Angel. Instead of bouncing helplessly off of the powerful field emitted by the Angels, as they had the first time, the entirety of its payload pummeled the great red orb fracturing it into uselessness. This time, there was no intact sample he had provided in that first iteration, the sample that would have formed the basis of the research into the S2 engines, Shinji reduced it to useless splinters. With a low wail, the alien beast toppled backwards crushing a copse of trees with its carcass. Its shredded remains serving as mute testament to the savage will of Shinji Ikari.

"Enemy…enemy's dead," his eyes were losing focus, he began to see double. "M-Misato? Did I win?" He could feel his heart jackhammering in his chest, his eyelids grew heavy, the maddening itch had passed and was replaced by a lethargy that dragged him downwards. "Everyone…safe?"

"You won," she kept her voice even, "I need you to sit down, Shinji. Can you sit Unit-01 down?"

"Down." He nodded, blinking owlishly, "Y-yeah. I…I can down." And 'down' he did, the purple giant falling face first to the ground as unconsciousness claimed him once more.


	19. Chapter 19

+++++ 3rd Angel + 20 : 4th Angel + 0 : Thursday (21)

"I'm going to kill her," Kodama ground her teeth. "I'm…I'm going…I don't know how but she's dead." Pacing as she waited for Temple and Kaz to once more arrive at NERV with a broken Shinji, the nurse in training kept a watch on the sky. Raffle and Feelgood had bodily thrown the pilot waiting to ferry the corpsmen out of the VTOL, according to the man that had been escorted away from the area by a different pair of Section Two agents.

"She may have had a reason for doing what she did," Akane responded patiently. "I just ask that you wait for all of the information before you make me arrest you, ok?" The agent stood with her hands in her pockets, despite the lack of professionalism in such a stance. She appeared to be at peace with the world around her, an unflinching and unflappable warrior gazing over the battlefield at war's end.

"How are you so calm?!" Kodama snapped, "I thought _you two_ of all people would be just as hot as I am about this!" She whirled to face the two agents, her clipboard held out menacingly, "He was almost assassinated, then I have to nearly kill him to get him into that horrid machine…." Letting out a grunt of frustration, she gripped her clipboard to her chest and vibrated in anger.

"Perspective," Mikoto sighed. "Katsuragi's many things, but she does nothing where the Angels are concerned without a good reason. Just because we can't see it doesn't mean it's not there. And besides, she's in with the Sub-Commander explaining it. Whatever you could do won't match what he could do."

"I don't like it," she retorted hotly, then deflated as her anger found no further purchase in her environment, "I don't like any of this. I know what I've learned in university, but if he's dying, what can I do that Temple and Kaz can't?"

"Besides be there for him?" Akane asked gently.

"That's going to be important, we're locking him up until we find that wannabe assassin. Better that he's locked up with someone he knows and trusts, instead of a group of people he doesn't know from Mothra." Mikoto stretched, "If he's dead, Kodama-Chan, then we're all just marking time until the next attack kills us all."

The eldest Horaki Sister placed her fists against her hips and looked to the pair incredulously, "That's supposed to be soothing?"

"There's a certain kind of peace that comes with knowing the end is nigh," Akane shrugged. "We might not have a job after today. We might be in jail, or dead, or just let go with a 'fuck off'. We failed. We didn't intervene faster at the train station. We trusted that the hospital ward was safe from within, and focused on staying out of your hair so you could have peace. He nearly died for it."

"So whatever you want to do to Katsuragi? Save some for us. We deserve it just as much." Mikoto pointed to the distance, "Incoming."

The trio were quiet as they watched the VTOL approaching. Whatever happened onboard, it was radio silence by order of the Commander. The world was not to know that the hero of the day had nearly died repeatedly, or if the hero of the day was dead and all that was arriving was a cold dead body. The media message was being controlled, monitored, and if necessary eliminated. As soon as the plane was on the ground, the door was forced open, the crew chief jumping out to lend a hand as he could. Temple and Kaz picked up the litter and started running towards the main building, which prompted Kodama to sprint in the direction of their travel on an intercept course.

"Please," she asked as she reached them, "please?" She couldn't see him breathing, with all of the motion. She had to know if he was alive.

"Yes," Kaz grunted. He was breathing, he was fine, but discussing it out in the open wasn't on the docket, "Not now."

Reaching the elevator, Kodama slid in after the pair worked their cargo into place. She saw Akane and Mikoto walking slowly towards them, not worried about catching them for whatever reason.

"Don't worry, girl," Temple stated bluntly after the doors slid shut. "Your man's still alive. Sedated, but alive. We gave him something to bring him down, and we're going to hook him up to some good stuff to work him down from that cocktail you thought up." She grinned with evil amusement, "That, my girl, was some first-class improvisation."

"Got him in the fight," Kaz nodded. "Battle's over, he's alive, good guys won."

"So stop your fussing," Temple laughed. "If you behave, I won't say anything when you crawl into bed with him while he recovers."

"I…what?" Kodama blushed, "N-no."

"Hmm, 'baby' isn't what I'd call my little brother." Kaz gave her a significant look as the doors opened, "So, unless you want to find a way to walk that one back, we'll just accept that it's fortunate he's not married yet and it is none of our business."

"I…you…." She shook herself and jumped out of the elevator to catch up with the pair of corpsmen. She couldn't find anything to say, though. She _had_ called him that. She _had_ been terrified that he'd die, and she _had_ to admit that she was in love herself. The trio escorted the once-more unconscious Third Child towards a pair of hinged doors at the end of the long hallway, an odd sight in a building full of sliding gates.

Temple, taking the lead with the litter, kicked the swinging doors leading into the Corpsmen's common area open, "All right, you useless sacks of carbon, that suite better be spotless." The powerful Senior NCO appeared far less agitated than she sounded, giving the clear impression of playful banter as opposed to true irritation.

A willowy young woman wearing bloused BDU pants and an off-grey t-shirt stood with her arms crossed frowning cutely, "It doesn't have the flowers we wanted," she whined petulantly.

" _Someone_ said we couldn't go get flowers," her apparent twin agreed, glowering at a wiry uniformed man standing nearby.

"Nobody in, nobody out," the middle-aged man shrugged. "Temple's orders. Nobody came in, nobody went out." His entire bearing screamed of calm in a hurricane, nothing would faze him.

"Thank you Green," Temple passed him with a nod. "I'm glad someone listens." Reaching the lone medical suite in the overlarge chamber, the doors sliding open automatically, she helped Kaz shift Shinji from the litter to the nearly-queen-sized medical bed. "Kaz, go tell Rina and Hina that they can get flowers if it'll make them happy, but they'd better have the stockpile done or I'll toss them both through the window. Kodama, get in here."

Kodama complied as Kaz smirked and went about his task. Her hands itched to be helpful, to measure Shinji's vitals, to pull him to her chest and never let him…. "What do you need, ma'am?" She stiff-armed the baser wants out of the way, there was a time and a place for sentiment, and now was neither.

"One, never 'ma'am' me again." She shuddered, "Senior Chief, Doc, or just Temple. I work for a living." Handing over a sealed bag containing an I.V. kit, she waved vaguely to Shinji, "Two, start a line. Three," she looked at the now closed door, "be honest. Do I need to be worried that he's going to freak if you're here and she's not?"

"No," Kodama used hand sanitizer, then put on a pair of gloves to tear open the kit. "He's a 'giver'. I'll tell him that I was on station when all of this happened, and that I'm here because they needed someone with medical training they trust. It's not like he hates me."

The older woman raised her eyebrow, curiosity ruled her features as she truly did not care if he was nailing everything on two legs. The man deserved what happiness he could find if his lot in life was getting his ass kicked by giant aliens and passenger trains, "Is he playing the field?"

"No." Kodama looked up, anger rising. "Listen, he's dating my sister. That's that. I had a moment where I was terrified that a man I respect-"

"Love."

"Whatever. I was terrified he was going to die. Yes, I think he's amazing. Yes, I'd date him if Hikari wasn't. No, I'm not going to go poaching in the forests I don't own. He and Hikari found each other, so long as they're together, I'm just going to have to deal with whatever feelings I may or may not have for him."

"Have you considered telling him?" Kaz came back in with a small tub full of bags of medicine to run through Shinji's I.V. "He might like knowing the truth."

Kodama's face fell from the anger she had built to a mute acceptance, "He knows," she accepted the first bag, reading out the label and looking for verification from Temple before hanging it. "He doesn't know he knows, but I can see it. If he'd rather me than her, that's too bad. Until or unless Hikari steps out of the picture, we weren't meant to be."

"Good to know we won't lack for drama," Temple chuckled. "Once the kittens come back, we're going to leave you alone."

"How long will we be locked up?" She didn't like the idea of not being with the rest of her family, but Shinji would _not_ be left alone. "And can I call home once the all-clear is signaled?" Her phone had been confiscated, but she still had Shinji's to use.

"We'll ask," Kaz handed her another bag. "But to be honest, I wouldn't anticipate an answer today. The shitshow down on the wards isn't going to be quickly dissected." He waited for her to follow the same procedure as the first bag of fluids, then continued, "He should wake up soonish, we'll get you some soft foods for him. Do us a favor, hand feed him. He's going to shake like he has the DTs something fierce, it's just his body's way of burning off the excess."

"Fortunately for him," Temple watched Kodama's work approvingly, "what we serve here has actual taste. It's what we eat, so it's not the kitchen garbage." She snorted, "Hospital I was trained in had a great chow hall. Food all was the kind of stuff you'd expect out of a home cooked meal. We spend eighteen bajillion on research in this zoo, but we can't spare a couple hundred thousand a year for decent food for the patients? Bah. It's unacceptable."

Kodama snickered, then shook her head to indicate she hadn't meant offense, "Sorry. You sounded like my Daddy for a second." At a sound from the entrance, she turned to consider the twins, "That was a quick trip, I didn't know they sold flowers here."

"Your father…," Rina held the doors to the suite open.

"…sends his love." Hina carried in two vases with flowers, handing one back to Rina as she crossed the threshold. "He promises…."

"…to let your sisters know that Ikari-Sama is safe…."

"…and that you'll call when you can." Both siblings set the flowers down on the opposite sides of the room. Looking to Temple and huffing in disdain, in tandem, "A little color to help…."

"…the hero of Tokyo-3 recover." Their chins still raised, the pair strutted out of the room.

"I'll come back in with food," Temple shook her head in bemusement as she moved to exit the room. "Get those last two bags hung, he can verify the medicine."

+++++ 3rd Angel + 20 : 4th Angel + 0 : Thursday (21)

Shinji awoke slowly, the feel of someone holding his hand an anchor for his awareness to grow around. Pieces of him came online far faster than others, the first to gain full utility was his nose. He could smell the medicine, the sterile sweetness of a hospital room. The next thing to hit him, though, was a slightly sweat-tinged honey. _Kodama?_ After several mornings spent in his new home, he knew the eldest sister preferred that scent in her body care products.

Following his olfactory senses, Shinji's ears stopped ringing, allowing him to make sense of the sounds in the room, including the voice of his housemate, "I don't honestly know what to do, though. I could tell someone, talk to them about it, but nobody believes in the old ways anymore. Even I don't really know if I believe myself, so how could I ask someone else to give me an unbiased assessment of them?" She sighed, her slender fingers gently massaging his, "I'd talk to you about it, but telling you might just cause you more problems."

"Kmma?" He scowled, or at least attempted to, at the butchery that was his utterance. He had wanted to say her name, to let her know he heard her and was listening. What came out was no more cogent than a sneeze, and offended his sense of right and wrong.

"Shinji?!" The aching happiness in her voice was a balm to his mind, "Can you squeeze my hand, ba…uhm, sweetie?" He could feel her gentle grasp squeeze gently, urging him to reciprocate and prove that he was actually coming around.

He turned his mind to the task, and haltingly his limb listened to the request. It was not the confident clasp of hands he wanted to provide, but it was what his body was willing to give at the moment. "Kooo…daaa…maaa." He took a deep breath, "Kodaaama." Working his jaw around, he tried with all of his might, "Kodama." He nodded, a labored bobbing motion, at his success. His awareness of her grew exponentially, as she leapt up into the bed with him and hugged him tightly, "Are…you…ok?" He had to speak slowly, it was like his jaw refused to open enough for the words to leave. Even to his own sore and tired ears, he sounded like he had swallowed several kilos of gravel.

"Am I ok?" She was crying, explaining the wetness he felt on his neck and shoulder, "You've been unconscious, or in a fight for your life, for a week and the first thing you do is ask _me_ if _I'm_ ok?" His response was cut off as her lips found his, her tears dropping on his cheeks. "I'm scared out of my mind, Shinji." She sat up, her voice moving away, "Can you not open your eyes?"

"Hard…slow. Body…not…listen." Clumsily, feeling his arm quaking mightily, he reached up for her, "Are…you…ok?"

She scooped his hand, guiding it to her heart, "Now that you're talking, I'll be fine. Let's focus on you, ok? I'm not the one with six bags of fluid being injected into them, or the one that has to deal with an angry Nozomi." She wanted to hold him forever, to never let him go out and risk his foolish, heroic, heart again. _I need to let him go though, build the distance up a little._ She saw his left eye slide open slowly, the blue iris focusing calmly on her. _L-later._

"Nozomi…angry." He nodded, "Didn't…visit…Sakura." He'd apologize to her for that, it was as important to her that they visit as it was that he keep his word to the Horaki family.

She squeezed his hand, "Sweetie, she's upset because you got hurt doing something insanely reckless." His other eye slid open, the pair landing loosely on her own grayish-green eyes. "Something that I'm going to punish you for when you're not in a hospital bed," she teased, her emotions roiling as she thought about how many times he'd nearly died.

"Defend…everyone." He blinked once, a long, agonizingly slow, process. "My…job."

"Your job is to protect _us_ ," Kodama snapped. "You belong to _us_ , Shinji. To Hikari, Nozomi, and me." She took a deep breath, not caring that she had subconsciously moved his hand, which was now cupping her breast. When she spoke again, her voice was once again calm, "You risked everything to save someone that would never have thanked you. Yes, it's heroic. It's also stupid."

"Kodama…hand."

 _He is blushing, spirits and ancestors he's blushing at me._ "Sorry," _I'm not even remotely sorry_ , "I got angry." She beamed a smile down at him, "We'll talk more about your fool-headed decision when you're not in pain. For now," she leaned forward again and kissed him tenderly, "you need food." Hopping off the bed, she went over to the small refrigerator and withdrew a medium-sized jar of applesauce. "You were given a frankly irresponsible amount of various chemicals. Your body is working overtime trying to get everything processed, and we need to feed the beast."

"Won…fight." Shinji tried to nod, his head jerking sideways instead.

"And that," Kodama turned back holding out he spoon in judgement, "is the only reason I didn't quit my nursing school and turn myself into the police. Anyone else, Shinji. Any other set of circumstances, and what I helped do would be criminal." Climbing back up onto the bed with him, she took a small bit of the paste onto a spoon and held it to his lips, "I'm not at all at peace with the need, but I can't deny the results."

He swallowed the fruity glory, the deliciousness beyond description to his tongue, "Not…fault. Need."

She silenced him by the expedient of another spoonful, "That's not your judgement to make, Shinji. You jump in front of trains, that means your mindset is fatally biased."

"No…." He forced his hand to grip her wrist, annoyed at how unsteady he was with even simple movements. "Need. You. Kodama." He tried to smile, though he doubted it looked anything of the sort, "My…nurse. My…partner." The woman sitting on his bed was the best friend he had. Helping Hikari make his life better, supporting him as he tried to learn how to be the best boyfriend he could for her sister. He owed Kodama just as much as he owed Hikari, and he would be damned before he let her give up because she got him on his feet long enough to kill an Angel.

"Shh," _I love you,_ "talk later. Eat now." _Please don't let the dreams be real._ "Let's catch you up on what's happened while you were sleeping." _Don't make me bury my sister, even if you're the balm for that wound._

+++++ 3rd Angel + 20 : 4th Angel + 0 : Thursday (21)

"The next intercept junction was within pistol-fired munitions range of a settled area," Misato rolled her laser-pointer around on the projected map, indicating a large segment of farmland, the schools, and housing. "If we waited, and the Angel bypassed him, the chances of civilian casualties likely jumps several hundred percent. If the Angel is dedicated to making it to the GeoFront itself, Shinji would have had to run and fight at the same time. In his condition, the chance that he would end up causing as much damage as the Angel itself was too great to ignore."

"The two corpsmen are reporting that he's going to be fine, after several days of rest," Maya clenched her jaw as she read further down on the listing of symptoms. "He's burning through the chemical cocktail Kodama came up with just as rapidly as he is the stuff we're giving him to counter it. He won't see any relief from the major withdrawals."

"That's good news, though," Misato sagged. Gesturing at Maya, she turned back to the professor, "When will we be able to send her up to do an in-person assessment? I'll task Makoto with her systems duties, rearrange things so that she's free to go up. I trust Kodama-san, but I trust Maya here more."

"Until we are able to get the doors open to Doctor Akagi's lab," Kozo shook his head, "it's best that we not further cripple the Science Division. We will place our trust in the people that have stabilized him." He tapped a few keys, bringing up another map, "Section Two is currently deployed to these areas, focusing their efforts on tracking down the individuals responsible for the attempt on Pilot Ikari's life in the hospital wing. Captain, I want you to coordinate with Captain Sakamoto, he'll have a list of areas that need prioritizing to assist in the hunt. Unless it is directly needed to support the recovery of Unit-01, nothing takes priority over this manhunt."

"Yes sir," Misato nodded. Displeased at being unable to argue the point, but understanding that the bigger picture needed tending to.

"Sir," Maya frowned, wringing her hands together, "I really would prefer to take a look at Shinji myself. We're supposed to be his guardians, and-"

"I understand your position, Lieutenant," Kozo allowed his voice to soften, not wishing to seem uncaring about the situation he himself set up being unable to accommodate the current series of events. "He is as safe as he can be. The people watching over him have, combined, more time in direct combat recovery operations than anyone else in NERV. The pilots familiar to them are tasked on standby in case he needs evacuation or outside specialists. I allowed Kodama Horaki to go up with him so that he is not 'alone'. As soon as Doctor Akagi is freed, and we know what happened that prevented her from reporting in, I promise I will do what I can to release one of the two of you to go see him in person."

"Her," Misato pointed to her junior. "The best I could do is provide an ear, she has actual psychology training and medical experience. I'll cover whatever I have to while she's doing what she can do to support him, sir."

Maya wanted to snap at Misato out of general frustration, but refrained. She couldn't argue against the tactical situation that they had faced in engaging the Angel, and as much as she wanted to have someone to blame for Shinji nearly dying she couldn't in good faith point the finger at the violet-haired bombshell. "Thank you…Misato-San," she tried not to sound as sour as she felt. "I…appreciate your faith in my abilities."

"We're all doing what we can, Maya," Misato smiled bitterly. "Believe me, I'm going to see that video feed of him bleeding and unconscious in the LCL in my nightmares for the rest of my life." Reaching over, she gripped the other woman's arm, "I promise, as soon as he gives the order I'll do whatever's necessary to get you up there to him. I'll see him when we stand down from EC-One."

"Then let us be about our business," Kozo stood. "Because we have quite a few kilometers to cover before any of us will be getting any sleep."

+++++ 4th Angel + 1 : Friday (22)

The doors leading into the labs that kept both Ritsuko Akagi and Rei Ayanami from responding to the Angel attack were, in the opinion of the engineering crew, excessively armored. Several ideas involving explosives were discarded as there would be no way to communicate with the personnel inside that the door would be dangerous to be close to. The team working on gaining access to the room by tearing apart a nearby wall to work with the counterweights was still the best chance of success…in another twelve hours. The rest of the briefing was the domain of the systems engineers, as the physical barriers had forced the solution in play.

The MAGI wouldn't disable the locks, indicating that no personnel authorized to make the request existed outside of the lab itself. That news, of course, greatly angered the Commander, who glared icily at the messenger. The messenger in this instance being Maya Ibuki, who stood in the lair of the dragon, working on no sleep and nothing but coffee to run her. She would have, at any other time standing in the room, been cowed and quiet. Now she was the only person authorized to run the Sciences Division, her ward had nearly died, he was locked in a tower away from the world because of an assassination attempt, so Gendo's fit of pique barely fazed her. In short, she was too damn tired to care and understood that she was at the moment incredibly indispensable.

"Disentangling the security protocol in play would risk removing all security protocols, if the coding acts as it is set to," she flipped the page on her printed copy of the relevant manual. "In the event of all security protocols failing, the system will lock everything down pending either communication with three other NERV clusters or the senior technician providing three-factor authentication, including the single-use command override codes."

Gendo growled, "Why can't we use that option, then?"

"The senior tech is currently trapped and not answering us," she shrugged. "Demotion from that position is only available if she's confirmed dead. We would then send the command to revoke all of her access, which would permanently delete all of her personal files. Without knowledge of what she's kept in her personal files, we could delete research data that is irreplaceable." She stifled a yawn, "She's tied an extensive web of protection against being removed from her position. She's also the only person alive capable of doing what she's done," a heavy pause, "sir." She was caring less and less what he thought, a position she believed explained Ritsuko's attitude at times.

"You're dismissed," Gendo waved contemptuously.

As Maya turned to walk out, she grumbled to herself about how he hadn't bothered to ask if his son was doing better. No words of praise to be passed along, no message at all. _It's no wonder Shinji's so angry whenever anyone mentions the man._ No matter, Shinji was hers now. Even if she never figured into Hikari's and his relationship, she would always be there as his good friend. And good friends were worth more than horrible fathers.

+++++ 4th Angel + 1 : Friday (22)

It was early morning when Shinji woke again, the feel of being held both comfortable and foreign. The bed he lay in could have easily fit five of him, which meant that there was more than enough room for he and Kodama. The vivacious nurse-in-training sat with his upper body against her side, her arm wrapped around his upper torso, her fingers lightly stroking his ribs, typing away with one hand on his phone. "Good…morning." His jaw was stiff once more, the flexibility it had gained seemingly lost over a night of pharmaceutically-assisted sleep. "Is…morning…yes?"

"Good morning," Kodama set his phone to the side and smiled down at him. "How did you sleep?"

"Odd," he shifted trying to sit upright. "Not…slept…like…that." Reaching a more inclined position, he sighed, "Need…help."

"Bathroom?" The nurse came out, quickly replacing the housemate. "Ok, let me prop the door open and we'll drag your I.V. stand in." The medical scrubs she had changed into after a quick shower were wrinkled, evidence of her having slept next to him for a time. "You'll be happy to know that everyone's safe," she stepped cautiously around the bed towards the attached bathroom. "Nozomi sends her best, Daddy says your combat performance was 'Acceptable', and Hikari sends her love."

"Sakura…chan?" He tried opening his mouth as wide as it would go, to stretch out the muscles and tendons, "Any word?"

"Hikari didn't say," Kodama apologized. "I'll make sure to ask, though. I'm using your phone to talk to everyone and let them know I'm not going to be allowed to go to class for a couple of days." Turning to the bed, she shrugged with a smile, "Which is such a trial, being stuck here with a wonderful guy."

"I'm sorry," Shinji let his legs drop off the bed. He had become accustomed to people seeing him in less than he now wore, a second-hand t-shirt from the big corpsman, a cut-off pair of medical scrubs that hid his shame effectively but still allowed them to see his legs easily, and his newest accessory, an I.V. pole with an ever-changing number of medicines strung from it. "You should…be learning…not," he stretched his torso, "forced to be-" He suddenly had a face full of her torso's more prominent attributes, her arms wrapped around his head.

"No," she whispered. "I'm right where I should be, Shinji. I just wish that you hadn't been hurt, that you could be where you wanted to be." His arms were weak, they shook whenever they moved, but when they timidly wrapped around her waist she felt as if he could hold up the world with them.

He tilted his head down so that his speech would be audible, "I want to…be with you…."

 _Oh, I do too baby…I do too._ In the break between his thoughts as he struggled to draw in both enough air to speak and work his jaw out, she gloried in the illicit thought that he wanted to be with her. She knew there was more to his sentence, she knew that he wasn't burdened with the same dreams she had, she even knew that while he enjoyed her presence he'd enjoy Hikari's far more. _As he should._

"With the whole family," he finished.

Stepping back with a smile she only partly felt, Kodama raised her eyebrow, "You just want to have Nozomi on your lap while we watch wealth wheel again." She swooped in to give him a kiss, then shifted to help him stand, "Using her as a shield so you don't have to compete with us. I know your wily ways."

"I'm," he grunted as he gained his feet, "not as smart as you." With one hand on his I.V. stand, and the other around Kodama's shoulders, he worked towards the bathroom. "Not as talented, either. You save lives…I take them." Holding himself on the doorframe so that Kodama could slide through to support him, he couldn't miss her peevish glare, "It's true."

"I heard a cello concerto that would disagree," she helped him towards the toilet, walking backwards confidently. "And I've seen your preliminary grades, sir. Self-deprecation is understandable, not everyone wants to crow their abilities from the mountains. You don't, however, get to lie to my face." Reaching their destination, she shook her head, "I'm not going to let it continue, Shinji. Hikari might not be as vociferous, but she feels just as strongly about it. You need to have self-confidence, or you're just going to doubt yourself when you need to be strong."

"That's not what…you said last night," he frowned.

"Last night I told you that you had to think about the long-term consequences," helping him drop his shorts, she waited until he was seated before moving back to the door. "In addition to self-confidence, you need to remember that your actions can impact everyone who loves you. It's one thing to sacrifice yourself to save everyone, it's another to sacrifice everyone that relies on you for a single person." Her point made, she closed the bathroom door to give him privacy.

+++++ 4th Angel + 1 : Friday (22)

"And unless you think Unit-01 is able to smash through to that room, _I'm the person you're working with right now!_ " Maya's shout rang across the suddenly quiet bridge. "So quit your useless complaining and find a way around the problem!" Slamming the receiver back down on her desk, she turned to address the next person waiting for her attention, "That should succinctly answer your question, so I recommend you focus your efforts on what you _can_ do without Akagi-San. Am I clear?"

The group of individuals nodded eagerly, backing away towards the door. Once they were closer to the portal than they were to her, they turned as one and fled. Misato, who had watched the entire event from the far door, approached with a patchwork cure for the beleaguered and irritable technician, "Here," she announced, waiting for the inevitable flare of anger to subside in the woman before extending her the sugar-laden latte. "Another four or so hours before they're through. You can do this, Maya. Just think of it as…training for your next promotion."

"Not for all of the money we're wasting on Unit-00," she countered with a grimace. Taking a deep drink of the fuel of choice, she sighed, "I'm sorry, Misato-San."

"Just Misato, Maya. After today, I think we understand each other a little better." The Tactical Commander reached over and massaged her shoulder, "And no apology is necessary. You're approaching the issue from a place that I wish I could. From my chair, I can't see him in purely altruistic terms."

"I didn't say what I was apologizing for," she shot a wry look at her fellow Guardian of the Savior of the World.

"Have you done anything I'm not aware of?" Misato took a drink, eyeing the other woman over the rim of her cup, "If not, the only thing that you think you've done is be vocal in your defense of our ward. Something I should have done, and will do to the best of my ability from now on."

"Was there truly no way we could have waited seven more seconds?" Maya looked down into her cup for answers, hoping that she could come up with anything to help stop there from being a 'next time'.

"We could have," Misato stated honestly. "At the cost of the Angel approaching the shelters for Shinji's school. The hills surrounding the schools there are the major shelters for eighty percent of the city's children and teenagers during the school day. Imagine what might have happened if one of them was caught outside the shelter for whatever insane reason. Imagine Shinji having to deal with not only the Angel, but the potential of killing someone he knows in order to do his job. Or worse, someone who'd remind him of Sakura Suzuhara every time he closes his eyes."

"There are no good answers, are there?"

"It's combat, there's only less bad answers." She tilted her head in the direction of the tower Shinji was currently recuperating in, "I'll never, ever, enjoy sending him out, Maya. Ever. But if he looks me in the eye and gives me the green light? I'm trusting him. After this, he's earned that trust."

+++++ 4th Angel + 1 : Friday (22)

"So," Raffle walked over to where Shinji sat in bed and gave him a searching look, "blue, eh? Not common on you folk, is it?" Trailing behind her, but staying far enough back that they weren't crowding their patient, were the twins. Rina seemed to be leery of the woman's presence, while Hina was actively checking everything in the room to make sure that it had been done correctly.

"About as common as the ability to use our language without mangling it is in you folk," Kodama retorted fondly. She'd developed something of an affection for the blonde foreigner over the past week.

"Ha!" The pilot tapped Shinji on the shoulder with her fist, "You see what you're marrying into?"

"I'll be fortunate if they would allow me to," the young man responded softly. He could see that Kodama knew, and liked, the woman, but he didn't know who she was. "Pleased to meet you," he bowed slightly from where he sat, "I'm sorry I can't greet you properly, my name is Shinji Ikari."

"Huh. I can see what Hikari sees in you." Raffle nodded approvingly, "Name's Noelle Minders, but you get to call me 'Raffle'."

Rina spoke up, "She is one of the pilots…."

"…who brought you to us after your victory," Hina finished.

"You two know that's creepy, right?" Raffle turned, leaning against the bed and sideways towards Shinji, "I mean, I'm not the only one who thinks that, yeah?"

"Not as creepy as we _can_ be," they intoned simultaneously. "Now, unless you want to attempt flight without your plane, kindly step back from our patient."

"Now, now," the pilot waved reassuringly, "I'm no threat to him. That'd be Feelgood, and you should be thanking me for not letting him come up with me."

"One," they counted, stepping closer to her.

"Backing off," Raffle raised her hands in defeat. "Sorry, brother, but I've tangled with them before." She shifted back to the nearby desk, leaning against it instead.

The coordination continued, "And lost. Badly."

"Rina-San," Shinji looked at the appropriate twin, "am…I in danger?"

"Wait," Raffle looked to Shinji, "you can tell them apart?"

"Of course he can," Hina smiled feyly.

Rina winked at the man in the bed, "He pays attention to people, even if they don't pay attention to him."

Hina let her smile fade, "You're safe as can be, Shinji-sama."

"They'd have to come through Akane-san, Mikoto-san, Green-kun, and us," Rina looked to Raffle, raising her eyebrow.

"I might have a word or two for them," Raffle deadpanned. "But I think he's asking bigger picture."

"We're not sure who made the attempt on your life," Rina admitted.

Hina frowned, "And we won't be content to allow anyone near you until we are."

"Except Kodama-San," Rina amended her sister's statement. "She has a deft touch."

"Thank you," Kodama bowed politely. "But a cooperative patient makes it easy, wouldn't you agree?"

"I'm…sorry," Shinji interrupted. "Is…everyone…else…safe?" His heartrate accelerated, fear driving adrenaline through him, and his breathing suffered for it. If he had somehow drawn out someone, or something, dangerous they could be going after his new family. They could be going for Misato, or Maya, or Ritsuko. His actions could have made him responsible for even more tragedy, and he wouldn't know how to fix it.

The twins moved as one, each climbing up on one side of the bed and taking one of his arms to pet him soothingly, "We are safe thanks to you, Shinji-sama." Their voices blended together seamlessly, "Someone is after you, and no one else. You are safe here, with us, and we are safe through you."

"It was a nice bit o' pilotin'," Raffle moved to the foot of the bed. "Zero casualties, not even a bumped knee among 'em." She cast that wolfish smile she preferred towards him, "Your lady-friend here did a right proper job puttin' you in position to fight, then you go all buster and bagged your second confirmed kill."

"Nobody…was…hurt?" Shinji looked to the others, "No…one?"

"You did it," Kodama sat by his knee, holding it comfortingly. "It put you in the hospital, but you managed to save everyone."

Rina checked his pulse at his neck while Hina prompted him to take deeper, slower, breaths. "So do not worry, Shinji-sama," they spoke in unison, "all will be well."

+++++ 4th Angel + 1 : Friday (22)

"I should be down there," Maya whispered to Misato. The pair were watching on the closed-circuit cameras as the entry team prepared to go into Ritsuko's lab. "Why is it that I can never be where I should be?"

"Because you're where you need to be," Misato answered just as quietly. "Right now, we're needed here. Recovery operations and disaster relief. If you know of someone better than you for the most important jobs, and you're willing to lose your employment, I'm sure they'll listen."

"You…aren't a ray of sunshine, you know that?" Maya was learning more and more about the driven, capable, 'party girl' than she thought possible in the short time they cooperated. "When this is over, I'll take pre-payment on that dinner date. You and I are going to get hammered, then crash and sleep for a week."

"Deal."

The door to the labs could be seen to shiver, then slip apart slightly. Two teams of five each grabbed onto the giant metal slabs, pulling them apart slowly. As the doors were designed to open on opposing diagonals, all four parts working together to create an effective blast seal, it was difficult to gain progress. A team of medics waited long enough for an opening to be made for one person to go through, selecting the smallest among them to go through first, followed quickly by a member of Section Two. The lack of audio forced the two observers to watch the teams outside for any information.

"Ayanami-Chan." Maya frowned as the bluenette climbed back through the widening aperture, "Sempai was running a test on her when the lab locked down. The results of the test showed an anomaly, but no diagnostic data to go along with it. Just 'anomaly'."

"Where's she going?" Misato slid to the next station and brought up a separate camera feed, "I know the Commander has a 'do not interfere' order for her, but this is ridiculous!" Rei could be seen walking away from the medic that stood helplessly by, seeming to repeat a request that she allow herself to be checked out. A dark idea popped into Misato's mind regarding Shinji's worried queries detailing her insistence that she be allowed to serve him. Picking up her station's phone, she punched in the number to contact Akane directly.

The phone rang twice before being answered, "He's fine, Katsuragi. Promise, we'll let you know if anything happens to him."

"Shut up and listen," Misato snapped. "The First Child has been released from Akagi's lab, and ignored any attempts at providing her medical care. She's currently heading off on her own, and I don't have the resources to dedicate to tracking her. If you see her, I don't care what the Commander ordered, she is not to set foot near Shinji. Blame me, Maya Ibuki is standing here and heard me say as much." Maya's eyes widened as she realized who Misato was talking to. "Am I clear?"

"Roger," Akane's voice darkened. "He doesn't need that bundle of crazy riling him up right now. Out." The line went dead.

"I hadn't even thought of that," Maya groaned as she resumed her watch of the lab area.

"Different specialties, Maya," Misato spun her pen between her fingers, waiting for the next shoe to drop. "Different specialties."

+++++ 4th Angel + 1 : Friday (22)

"Report," Gendo sat watching a private feed from one of his remote teams.

Kozo's voice drifted through the speaker phone, "She can't remember the last few days." He didn't feel the need to specify who, "She's currently in the care of the chief resident, undergoing testing to determine the cause of the amnesia and loss of consciousness." Shifting topics without preamble, "After the First Child refused treatment, she stopped by the cafeteria to eat, then began to make queries as to the location of the Third Child. She attempted to gain admittance, and was repeatedly denied by the agents assigned guard duty on Katsuragi's orders."

The live camera showed several men stack up to breach through a door, "A reasonable precaution." The team lead gave the order and the door was leveled, the team filing in and seizing control of the area.

He could tell Gendo wasn't paying attention, and decided to try something as a test, "At this point, there isn't much left for us to do. I'd recommend allowing our command staff to set a rotation and revert to normal operations."

Sitting behind a large oak desk, Dmitri Petrov was making loud, repeated demands. The team lead stepped forward and shot him three times in the head. "I see no reason not to, our security situation just improved." Gendo knew the old man's tricks, and wasn't as inattentive as he had seemed. "If you can't keep up at your age, I'll just have to take that into account, old man."

 _He's in a good mood, that's dangerous._ "Hilarious. We still don't have the culprit in custody, sir."

"No, but we don't need to worry about that anymore." He let his good humor show in his voice, just to taunt his last remaining friend, "They've just lost their financial support." Ending the phone call, Gendo decided to let Kozo ruminate on what he might mean. He had a meeting with the SEELE council to prepare for.


	20. Chapter 20

+++++ 4th Angel + 2 : Saturday (23)

"Shinji!" Hikari floated quickly over to him, barely touching the ground on her way from the door to the bed he was forced to stay in. Taking his head in her hands, she smothered him with kisses, "Oh…I was so worried." Wrapping his head in a tight hug, she held onto him as if he'd leave her again if she did so.

"Careful, sis," Kodama gently pried her sister loose, "he's still recovering."

"I'm getting better," leaning back a little, he held up a hand that scarcely shook. "I can talk without being winded, too."

"Couple more days, my man, and you'll be back to full health." Green wheeled in a tray of medical supplies, "Wish I knew what caused it, but I'll settle for thanking my lucky stars that it gave you better healing." The gaunt corpsman looked to Kodama, "You want to do this? I'll get out of your hair so you can talk family stuff. Just bring it on out when you've got samples. Two purple, three pink, one green, and a yellow. Don't worry about the labels, I'll throw them on when you're done."

"Thank you," Kodama bowed with a smile. "And for bringing Hikari up with you."

"No problemo," Green gave Shinji the shaka, "conquering hero needs the ruler of his heart to finish healing. That's just basic medicine, man." Turning with a wave over his shoulder, he laughed, "I'll be on duty out front. Jingle if you run out of drinks."

"Can we use the right arm," Shinji asked quietly. "Just for a change of pace?" He didn't want to complain, other people had it far worse than he did, but he was very tired of having his left arm jabbed.

"I can draw from your leg, if you want," Kodama smiled consolingly. "I'm so sorry, sweetie. I know you're tired of being a pin cushion."

"I'll move over to the other side," Hikari walked over to his left. "Does it hurt if I hold your hand?" She gestured to the junction of machine and flesh, "I don't want to hurt you."

"Oh, climb in bed," Kodama waved her up. "It's super comfortable, and he does a lot better when someone's holding him."

Hikari raised her eyebrow, "…Oh really."

"Yes," Kodama eyed her in return. "Really." Using the hand sanitizer, she rolled her eyes, "Hikari, he's family. I'm not going to sit back and watch him quake all night in terror when I could, instead, be holding him and reassuring him that he's not still facing a gigantic…dong."

Shinji cringed, "I…I don't…."

"You do," Kodama sighed. Pulling on a pair of gloves, she deflated, "Hikari, he has night terrors that I know for a fact aren't typical. He's spent two nights now whimpering, and with how bad he's shaking right now? It's something he's been dealing with for a while now. You want to get huffy because I did what I could when you couldn't be here _legally_ , then get huffy. But don't you dare take it out on him."

"I wasn't mad at him," Hikari climbed up onto the bed, arranging her skirts and laying in the crook of his arm. "…I wasn't even really mad at you. I'm…tired." She rested her head on his chest, "There are girls at school that have been talking about you. About how they'd have been there for you no matter what."

"I'm not going to cheat on you," Shinji stated firmly, his anger rising as he realized that people had been making Hikari's life difficult while he was unconscious. "I don't care how pretty, or nice, or generous they are. You're my girlfriend, that's that." He felt the small needle sink in, but only as a sensation. "You have responsibilities, Hikari, and they don't start or stop with me."

"I walk in at a bad time, then?" Raffle stood in the doorway, "I can fuck off, if so."

"Good morning, Raffle," Shinji replied congenially. He had appreciated the stories the woman shared, of Hikari keeping herself busy while he was unconscious, of the way she comported herself when she thought nobody was looking. She had seen his girlfriend in trying times, and swore that she often had to be pried away from him. It was both sad, and heartwarming, in equal measure to him. "What can I do for you, today?"

"Well," she waited for a slight nod from both Horaki women before entering, "I was actually coming to do for you." Walking the rest of the way in, she held up a bag, "You mentioned while Rina was stopping you from falling over that you wished you had some crackers. Sea salt and vinegar, well the local twenty-four sells 'em, and I thought of you on my way in today."

"Oh," he blinked in surprise. He hadn't meant it as anything but a passing fancy, "Thank you, Raffle. I hadn't meant to bother you with it."

"No bother, brother," she set the bag on his stomach. "It's nice and all that you've got your wife and her sister to take care of you, but you need a work-wife too. Someone to watch your back here when stuff piles on." Scratching Hikari's arm softly, she smiled, "That way your wifey here knows who to talk to when stuff starts creeping up your six." Shinji's stomach loudly complained, leading to three women giggling and him blushing, "Go on, then. 'Ave a nosh. No bother, I'll grab summat from the cooler."

Kodama finished with her blood draw, "Eat, Shinji. Those crackers are good and light, it won't hurt to eat them."

"So long as you share a few," Hikari reached over and pulled the packaging out, "I like them too."

"Have to bring some with you, when we go out drinking," Raffle sat on top of the half-fridge with a cold cup of noodles. "Help you settle your stomach between rounds."

"Drinking?" Shinji shook his head, "I'm underage."

"Bah, nobody'll card you at the Officer's Club. If they do, Feelgood and Glitch will glass the prick." The blonde slurped down some of her odd meal choice, "The whole crew wants to get you on the ins. Make the lot of us sad if you don't meet our S.O.s, those of us what have one."

"S.O.s?" Shinji blinked.

"Yeah," gesturing with her chopsticks, she pointed to Hikari, "Significant Others. Your plus-one, there. Non-Issue Equipment. Million-and-one names for them, the reason we all have for not decorating the barracks with the contents of our brain housing group sometimes."

"Oh." Shinji realized that he, too, had more than once thought about finding a way to just end the suffering before. It was entirely possible that the woman sitting before him could understand what he went through, in a small way.

"I think you should, Shinji," Hikari put a cracker against his lips until he accepted it. "Friends, people who'll understand you. I'll never know what it's like to be responsible for things like you are. They can help you understand, help you know how to handle things that we just can't."

"Only kind of," Raffle admitted. "I'll never know what it's like to be the driver of that beast, but I know what it's like to be in a knife fight in a broom closet. The Navy taught me a lot, and my old partner'd never forgive me if I let you ruck this shit on your own." She shrugged, "It's your call, though. I'm not gonna push myself into your life if you don't want me there."

Shinji looked to Hikari as he chewed slowly, "I think you can read my mind."

"I think she can read your face," Kodama interjected wryly. "Hikari's always had a deft touch with telling what someone's thinking by looking at them. You, however, could run a movie theater with how you broadcast your thoughts and feelings."

"My sister's not wrong," Hikari nodded. "Neither is Noelle-San. Talking to the other pilots, learning how they cope, knowing that someone has your back, I think these are all good things, Shinji." She fed him another cracker, "I want you healthy, happy, and sane. I can't claim to love you if I'm not willing to let you seek help where it's available." Pressing her lips lightly to his as he chewed, she hugged him, "I want you in my life forever, Shinji. This last week was terrifying, so I want you to do whatever you have to, to make it so you're with me forever."

+++++ 4th Angel + 2 : Saturday (23)

"I'm telling you, I don't remember!" Ritsuko snapped, "I was obviously running some sort of analysis on Ayanami, and the next thing I know I'm being loaded onto a stretcher." She glared between Misato and Maya, her tablet clenched tightly in her hands.

"Whoa, whoa," Misato warded off her enraged sometimes-friend, "steady on, killer. I'm just asking friendly questions here, I'm worried about you. This isn't an interrogation."

"Sempai," Maya fought back a yawn, "we're worried."

"Oh, right," she turned to her junior and drawled sarcastically, "you're so worried that you're yawning."

"Hey," Misato stepped between Maya and the bottle-blonde reclining on the medical bed, "settle down!" The violet-haired warrior let her temper drive for a moment, "Maya and I have been busting our asses for three days now, worried about you, and I don't know what your damage is, but we're not the reason you're in here!"

Ritsuko lashed out in return, "How would I know?! I can't remember anything! How long was I down there before any of you thought to look for me? I-"

"You went down _alone_ ," Misato retorted. "The cameras show you entering the lab with Ayanami, and that's where the records end. You _ordered_ Maya to cover that section of your watch, I heard you do it! Who do you want us to blame, then? You hold this shit so close to the vest there's no air between, and then have the brass to blame us when it bites you in the ass?" Scowling, she turned and took Maya by the arm, "C'mon Maya, we're leaving. Once her majesty decides that she's interested in talking sense, we'll talk sense."

The room after their departure was silent once more, Ritsuko again left alone to contemplate the numerous incongruities between her actions and the reactions that were caused. She didn't need their help, "Inferior assistants are worthless anyway."

 _They're all inferior, aren't they, my dear?_

+++++ 4th Angel + 2 : Saturday (23)

"Listen, Ayanami-Chan," Mikoto fought to retain her professionalism, "orders are orders. You are not on the guest list, so you don't get into the tower. Nothing's changed, and until it does, you're not going in."

"Then I will wait here," Rei declared simply. The bluenette was, to put it mildly, infuriated. She kept her emotions closely guarded, as she always had, as it was her best weapon against those that supported the Liar. Standing the prescribed distance away, she calmly faced the agents, mentally reviewing the footage she had seen of Shinji's fight against the Fourth Angel.

That she had been prevented from seeing him in the hospital while he recovered from his…confusing attempt at saving the life of a mentally disturbed individual was the start of many frustrations for her. Each time her scheduled scholastic activities ended, the Liar insisted she participate in efforts to further the recovery of Unit-00 to combat functionality. Then, once she was freed from pointless tasks assisting the teams in restoring her data to the Eva, 'visiting hours' were over.

Topping that all off, there was the blank space in her memories after Ritsuko Akagi began her tests. Her declared concern that there was an 'inconsistency' in reaction to the L-Nine should not have led to anything remotely close to what had occurred. The voice of the Mother had become silent, for a time, and had only returned to inform her that she needed to hurry and provide Shinji with assistance. What assistance, she did not know. He was retiring, never stating his needs or desires where they could be acted upon. Those tasks he did offer revolved around her own benefit, hardly the spirit with which she had been asked to perform.

 _What is he to me?_

Her musing was cut short as Misato's voice carried across the quad, "I don't _care_ , Maya. I'm putting in for you to be promoted and reassigned. If that's how she treats you day to day, then she's also going to lose access to Shinji."

"It's not normally that bad, Misato," Maya was on her last legs, a fact that seemed obvious to everyone but the feisty Captain at her side. "I think she just needs some time to decompress, and then she'll be more communicative."

While Misato ignored the bluenette standing watch, Maya sized her up, appearing to weigh saying something against saying nothing. "We're both off-duty now, Mikoto-San," Misato tilted her head towards the elevator, "going to visit him for a bit then sack out."

"Give me a second," the agent pulled out her radio. "Got two well-wishers, Katsuragi and Ibuki. How's my principle looking?"

"We're good," Green's voice carried back over, "Raffle's on her way down. I'd wait for her to step out before sending anyone up."

"Roger," Mikoto gestured with her free hand for a path to be cleared for the pilot to step through once the elevator descended. "Try not to be too long, ladies. He's visiting with Hikari, and we all know that they'd like some time to renew their acquaintance."

"She'd better not be overworking him," Misato barked out a laugh. "He needs to rest, doesn't he?"

"Misato," Maya rolled her eyes, "Hikari isn't like that. She's a good girl." She jumped slightly at the 'bing' from the door to the elevator as it began to open.

"You know what they say about good girls," the Tactical Commander waggled her eyebrows.

"They're no fun?" Raffle tilted her head, "It's us blondes that have all the fun." Stepping off the elevator she waved a farewell, "He's lucid, but I'd hold off on the ass-chewing for now. He's making progress, and I don't think negative reinforcement's going to do more to him than those two are."

"We're just saying, 'Hi'," Misato waved in return. "We're responsible for him, and if we weren't also responsible for the rest of the damn city we'd have been the first to see him when he woke up."

"Get some sleep," the pilot said by way of ending the conversation. "Y'all look like zombies."

As the two members of the bridge crew stepped onto the elevator, Rei processed the information she had gathered from the short conversations. Misato Katsuragi was taking her duties more seriously, and Maya Ibuki was experiencing a rift with Ritsuko Akagi that might be exploitable. Pressuring her might lead to fracturing their unity on Shinji's actions, allowing him to speak more freely with her in the future. Finally, it seemed Shinji wasn't having fun. What was it that men of his age group thought of as 'fun'? She needed to look into that, "I will return."

Mikoto watched the First Child walk away, frowning at what might have caused her to change her mind.

+++++ 4th Angel + 2 : Saturday (23)

"He's alive!" Misato called out in mock-amazement, "No matter how hard the world tries, it can't seem to kill you, can it?"

"How are you feeling, Shinji?" Maya picked her way carefully around the room to the side of the bed not containing Hikari, "I'm sorry I couldn't come sooner, a lot of stuff happened after the first Angel we fought too, promise." Sitting on her leg, she placed herself next to him on the bed, "So, really, how are you feeling?"

Shinji could feel how tired she was, her speech patterns were off, her eyes had luggage factories beneath them, and the way she was looking at him like he would make a great pillow was oddly endearing. "I'm better," he looked between the two women, "I'm sorry that I couldn't help more."

"What more was needed?" Misato scoffed from the foot of his bed, "You killed the fucker. Dead Angel, alive pilot, much rejoicing. Leave the mop-up to us, you've done your piece for peace."

"See?" Hikari nodded to Maya, "Everyone here was pulling for you."

"Even if we don't all agree on everything," Kodama frowned at Misato.

"It was my call," Shinji butted in to defend his former housemate. "I needed to get up there and stop the Angel, Misato was listening to me on how I felt about my ability to fight, so if you have to blame someone, you blame me." He kept his tone even, he didn't want anyone to think him upset with them, "You and I agreed, Kodama, I'm the only one who can defeat them. Ten seconds or ten minutes, I wasn't going to last much longer before I collapsed."

The elder Horaki turned to regard him calmly, "If I agree with you, will you stop jumping in front of trains?"

Maya had slumped down next to him, curling around his arm, "I was terrified, Shinji. Even if you weren't the only pilot we have capable of fighting, you're a good and gentle and kind…." Deep breaths were soon the only noise from the mousey tech, fast asleep on his side.

"We've been up a few days," Misato shrugged listlessly. "I'd offer to carry her out, but I'd just drop her. I'm not doing great myself." She leaned heavily against the base of the bed, a tired smile for the young man that had entered her life.

"I'll ask Green-san to help us get her downstairs," Kodama sighed. "Why don't you have more people authorized to do your jobs? No wonder none of you can keep track of all of your obligations, they've piled so many on you that there's no room for breathing, let alone error."

Her only response was another shrug, "You'd have to ask the Commander." She turned back to Shinji, "I'm going to get going myself. I didn't want to wait another twelve hours to see you, but you look like you should be out of here at any time." Moving out of the way so that Kodama and Green could carry Maya out to the elevator, she gave him a tired smile, "I really am glad you're ok, Shinji. I trust you to know your limits, and in a combat situation we have to make snap decisions. Just…do me a favor, don't abuse that trust. I'd never forgive myself if I let you kill yourself to win." She stopped, chuckling ruefully, "Yes, I understand the hypocrisy there. Let's just both do better, ok?"

"I'll do my best," Shinji nodded solemnly. "Defeating the Angels is my job, if I don't do my job then Hikari, you, everyone I care about dies. I won't lose, Misato." He felt Hikari tighten her grip on his shoulder, "No matter what, I'll keep you all safe."

+++++ 4th Angel + 3 : Sunday (24)

Shinji arrived back to his new home, discovering that even though he had left the hospital he hadn't stopped being considered a patient. Hikari walked him through his lessons while he was ensconced on the couch with Nozomi giving him puppy dog eyes every time he went to get something for himself. Between his self-declared little sister and the bundle of titles that was Kodama, he was only allowed to operate alone once he was at the threshold for his bathroom, and that was only after Hikari put her foot down.

"She wants so badly to do something to help," Hikari whispered after Nozomi went out with Kodama to buy the ingredients for a healthier dinner. "Thank you for putting up with it."

"It's fine," he shook his head, "I know what it's like to feel like you can't help. To know that no matter what you do, it'll never matter to anyone. She just…she should be happy. If this makes her happy, then it's worth letting her do it."

"Oh really?" The freckle-faced beauty saw an opening, "What if something made me happy?"

"Anything," Shinji replied automatically, either unaware or heedless of the potential danger. "You, Kodama, your family has done far too much for me to say no to anything you'd ask of me." Setting down his pencil, he turned to face her fully, "What can I do for you, Hikari?"

"A date." She leaned in, "You. Me. All day tomorrow. Doing whatever I want." The thought of other women making good on their offers began to crawl into Hikari's mind. She knew, after a fashion, that her sister wouldn't have made a move on Shinji in public, in the bed he was recovering in. But he hadn't kicked Maya off of him, either. He was faithful, but he was also extraordinarily giving. "We don't have class for the next two days, and that means if we do all of your homework today, then do refresher study on Tuesday, we should be able to have a date tomorrow."

"A…date?" Shinji blinked, expecting her request to be something far more involved, "I-I mean, yeah, anything." He nodded, suddenly aware that he must have seemed unwilling or reluctant, "I…I just thought you'd want…I don't know…a new dress, or maybe a new music player."

"I have a music player," she whispered, gathering her courage and climbing up onto his lap. "He's around one-hundred and ninety centimeters," she ran her hands along his shoulders, "has the most gorgeous blue eyes," _You must be mine, forever,_ "is a fantastic kisser," leaning forward she parted his lips with her tongue and gave everything she could into her presentation.

Shinji had, recently, thought that his kissing was sub-par. As he threw himself into the effort to live up to the praise she had just given him, he doubted seriously that he'd ever reach her level of ability. She was so confident, so active! Everything she did made him want her, not just need, he wanted her in ways he'd never be able to sufficiently articulate. The world around him faded, there was nothing but the bundle of flame and light resting against him.

Kneeling astride his hips, she felt certain aspects of her boyfriend begin to swell. _He desires me,_ "Shinji," she purred into his ear, "what else would you give me?" _Take me, Shinji. Take me and I'll give you everything, anything anyone else would offer I'll give you happily._ "Would you give me forev-"

Shinji's phone ringing broke him free of her spell, the ringtone specific to Maya. Reaching down into his back pocket, he accidentally brushed his fingers along Hikari's inner thigh, "S-sorry," he stammered reflexively. Swiping his thumb to answer, he felt a sting of regret as Hikari rolled off of him and walked away, "This is Shinji."

 _Calm down, calm down, calm down,_ Hikari's mental chant carried her around the back of the sofa and into the kitchen. "Don't go in there, don't take the phone away, don't turn it off, and _don't_ break it." She wasn't angry at him, as much. He was required to answer when certain people called, and Maya Ibuki was one of those people. _I was so close to it, I almost asked him!_ "It's too soon," she muttered aloud. "He just got out of the hospital, we've only known each other for three weeks, and he's been asleep for nearly a week of that!"

The image of him jumping across the tracks, the train flowing past to obscure her vision, caused her to clench in fear. Standing still, she wrapped her arms around her waist and shook her head, trying to dismiss the sight from her mind. _He's alive. He's alive, he's right out there. I'm not asleep, I'm not dreaming, he's right out there where I can touch him and hold him and…. He's fine. I'm fine. We're fine._

"Uhm," Shinji didn't want to walk over and touch her, for fear of startling her, "that was Maya."

Her response was frigid, "I know," _don't be cold. It's not his fault that he had to answer that._ She forced her voice to soften, "What did she need?"

"She wanted to have a dinner date," he could feel something was off about her demeanor, the fact that she hadn't turned around to face him painful. "She wanted to do it tomorrow, b-"

"It's fine," Hikari snapped. "We'll have a day to ourselves some other time, I guess. You can go out with _her_ tomorrow." _He didn't specify that it was only with him._ She spun around, immediately feeling regret for her loss of control, and intending to apologize when her breath caught. The look of agony on his face would be a new source of anguish in her memories, the knowledge that she had caused that look twisting in her gut like a knife.

"We're home," Nozomi called happily, "I…." Shinji turned and walked hurriedly towards his room. "Nii-san?"

Kodama frowned as Shinji fled, the reaction unusual for him. "Hikari, what happened?" The look on her sister's face confirmed a number of immediate suspicions, "What did you say?"

"I-I…." Moving to go around her elder sister, Hikari went to follow after Shinji. She had to apologize, promise that she'd get help for her fear, convince him that she wasn't- "Let me go." Kodama had gripped her upper arm, holding her against the kitchen doorframe. "Do _not_ think you have me fooled, Kodama. You want him just like everyone else, but he's _mine_."

"Not if you fly off the handle at the slightest error," Kodama growled. "He can't leave the house without going past us, so take a moment and talk." She speared Nozomi with a glance, "Sprout, you go stand guard. If he makes a break for it, call out."

"Got it!" The littlest Horaki hurried off to a perch where she could watch her new brother's door, trusting that Kodama had the situation in hand. She knew that Hikari was dealing with the same fears she had about Shinji risking death. _Daddy told me that Hikari had something to distract her, so she'd take longer to cry it out._ Sitting on the arm of the sofa, she smiled sadly. At least they had hurried home, if Shinji had run away it might have taken a long time to hunt him down.

Throwing Hikari back into the kitchen, the elder Horaki Sister stood large in the doorway, "Talk. What happened, and why. I haven't seen you like this in over a decade, Hikari. Your little snark about my stealing him is cute, but I know far better than you how to push buttons."

"It's not snark, it's fact." Hikari drew herself up, "I can see it plain as day, Kodama. You love him just like I do. It's not the stupid childish 'like' that those fools in class have, it's not even the general lust that we see from women who watch him everywhere he goes in his new body. You _love_ him."

"And?" Kodama threw it back in her sister's face, "I gave you my word that so long as you had a claim on him, and you moved forward, I wouldn't do a damn thing. So I love him? My great loss. That's not the point here, though, so don't think you're getting past me until you calm down and _talk_."

"Why? Why should I-"

Kodama's roar shook the windows in the small room, " _Because you're my sister, you silly girl_!" Taking a calming breath, she pointed towards Shinji's room, then gently admitted, "And he hurt you. Not tonight, and not on purpose. He hurt you by showing you exactly what you signed up for. He threw himself in front of that train to save someone, it cost him a week of his life. He then woke up seconds before having to go out and fight a skyscraper-sized monster, nearly stroking out for his trouble. Twice in a week, he nearly dies. And you now get to see that every time he goes to NERV. Every. Time. Whenever someone's in danger, you have to worry that he's going to risk his life to save theirs."

Hikari's jaw quivered, "Y-yes."

"Talk," Kodama slowly approached and wrapped her sister in a hug, "what happened?"

+++++ 4th Angel + 3 : Sunday (24)

 _I need to leave._ Shinji looked around his room, trying to figure out what he should take. Where he could go. He had left his phone behind, it was on the small table between the sofa and television, so he'd have to at least make an attempt to grab that. "I don't have a bag," his voice sounded ragged, even to his own ears. "I…I can have someone else get my stuff. It…it's not important." He had done it. He had made her think that he wasn't interested, that he…that he'd just…. He had the door open, and froze when he saw Nozomi smiling at him.

"Heya," she waved.

"I-I…."

"I wouldn't," she kept her smile in place. "You're very upset right now, and when you do things while you're upset you make bigger mistakes than the one you might have made in the first place." Nodding, she shrugged, "Daddy likes reminding me of that when I have a bad day."

"B-but…."

She let her smile fade, a serious look replacing it, "Family forgives each other, Shinji. Whatever you or Hikari did, family forgives each other." Slipping down off the armrest, she picked up her textbook, walked over and pushed him gently back into the room, "Why don't you and I read about this neat space thingy." She knew he was unwilling to risk harming her, and she used it to her advantage as she maneuvered him back to his desk.

Shinji felt his knees unlock as he struck the chair, dropping him heavily into it. Without hesitation, Nozomi clambered up into his lap and opened the tome. "So, you see," she continued, "I was having a problem understanding why you couldn't hear sounds in space, but the signals that our planet used to send out might someday be heard by another civilization." Tapping a diagram, she shook her head, "Turns out that audible signals and television signals travel completely differently. Also, if you're far enough away from a TV, you can still see what's being said before you hear what's been said because of the difference between the speed of sound and the speed of light."

"I…uhm," Shinji needed to escape, but he couldn't dislodge her without being rude, or hurting her.

"It was kind of like at the train station," she forged on. "I could see what you were doing, before I heard what was happening." She looked up at him, and shook her head, "You scared me. A lot. But…you were doing what people like you do, you were saving someone's life." Closing the book, she tossed it aside, "You must have been more scared, though."

"You…I…."

"It takes a lot of bravery to do something that scary," she pressed her tiny form against him in a hug. "Whatever happened before we got home, I'm sure it wasn't something you or Hikari did meaning to hurt each other. You're both good people, but you also are very hard on yourselves. She's also scared, like I am, that something might happen to you. Daddy says it's normal, when people care about a Defender, to be scared."

Shinji couldn't take his eyes off of her, the expressive little lady had him flummoxed, everything she was saying made perfect sense. "You're…you're only eight, right?" How did she have this all figured out while he was running around in a panic at…however old he was now.

"Nine, soon," she shrugged. "I wish I was older, though. It's hard to do things to help you out when I can't cook by myself yet." Her smile was sunshine and rainbows, "If I could bake you a cake, I bet you'd feel a lot better. A nice yellow cake with purple frosting and candy decorations." She looked at him, "Maybe we could bake it together? It might not mean as much, because you had to help, but I'd still get to make it for you."

Wordlessly, he pulled her into a deeper hug. He may have lost Hikari as a girlfriend, but if nothing else he'd still have his little sister.

The door opened quietly, admitting the other members of the household currently in residence. "Ok, Sprout," Kodama softly spoke, "Hikari and him need some time alone to talk. Why don't you and I go make dinner?"

"Hai!" Nozomi squeezed him one last time, then hopped off his lap and pulled Hikari into a hug before walking out of the room.

Shinji stood up quickly, moving to the corner of the room and gesturing to the now vacant seat, "I…p-please."

"Shinji," she swallowed her anxiety, "before I cut you off, before I was rude…what were you going to say about Maya?"

"I…I didn't mean to-"

"Shinji," she repeated, "please." Crossing over to stand before him, she left enough space to not crowd him, "What were you going to say?"

"She w-wanted a dinner date, with you and I," he added emphatically, "b-because we had tomorrow off, she was hoping we could do it then, b-but I t-told her that y-you'd already asked for time with me. S-she th-thought that was wonderful." He shook his head, his hair floating about his shoulders, "I'm sorry, I-I should have been more clear. I should have told her no. I w-was with you I-"

Hikari crushed his ribs with a hug, "Stop." Hearing him use the past tense, knowing that she had set herself up for it, made her want to find a way to travel back through time and slap herself stupid. "I need you to listen to me, and after I'm done, I need you to promise not to run away. Please?" Leaning back enough to see his face, she emphasized her position, "Please?" She was the one who had done wrong, however much Kodama stressed that she had reasons, this situation was her fault.

Shinji hesitated, then nodded. She wasn't asking anything he wouldn't do. If he left, Nozomi would be heartbroken. If he left…he'd have nowhere to go to. He'd be back to running away, right back to the start of everything.

"When you leapt in front of the train, you scared the life out of me," moving back to the seat Shinji had offered, she sat down primly, crossing her hands on her lap. "Several hours after they put you into the goop you breathe, I finally cried. I thought, at first, that I was crying because I was scared you were going to die. Then I thought later I was crying because I was angry. How _dare_ you risk our future for a random stranger that tried to hurt Nozomi." She shook her head sadly, "It wasn't until I was talking with Kodama just now that I realized that everything I was thinking was focused on _me_ losing _you_.

"I started to resent everyone else in your life. All of the gorgeous women at NERV, our classmates that don't have my responsibilities, even Ayanami-San." Her mouth drooped, "They're offering you everything, Shinji. Natsuko-Chan would bend over for you in the middle of class. Tsuru-Chan would spend her entire day on your lap, without a care in the world." She snorted, "I'm even starting to believe my own insanity that Ayanami-San would kill everyone in class if you ordered her to. You could have it all, Shinji. All of it." Her eyes lowered to her lap, "I overheard Seika-Chan talking with Tsuru-Chan, several of the girls in school are planning on approaching you about leaving me.

"You saved someone's life. I got angry. You woke up, alone and confused. I was in class. You were fighting a gigantic monster to save everyone. I was sitting there letting myself daydream of forcing you to marry me," her voice trailed off as she spoke, "so that I wouldn't lose you." Wiping a tear away with the knuckle of her forefinger, she shook her head, "Every time you're out of my sight, I'm terrified I'll never see you again. I can't get past you dying, but I have no choice other than to let you risk your life. I…I can't make sense of my own thoughts, Shinji. I want to marry you, but I know you need to be free to do what you have to do. I want to live what life I can with you, so I don't regret it if the worst comes to pass, but am I the kind of woman that _you_ want?" She laughed bitterly, "I'm the first woman to claim you, after all. You could be spending your first day back home having all the sex you wanted, instead you're here apologizing to your stupidly jealous girlfriend who's so damn angry that her wonderful boyfriend is everything Toji Suzuhara isn't!" She slammed her hands down against her legs, "Why shouldn't I let you go, Shinji?!" Her eyes looked up to him for answers, "Why can't I stop seeing you being crushed by a train in my mind? I'm supposed to be 'fine' with or without someone in my life but I want to throw my pride away just to spend one more minute by you!"

He waited for a few seconds, not wanting to interrupt her thoughts. "I…." He closed his mouth, there was no path forward here to him. Where did he start? _She_ was worried about not being good enough for _him_? If she understood how scared he was every time he got ready to fight, if she knew how many Angels he would have to face again…. "D-do you want to be with me?" Start simple, keep it simple.

"Always," she snorted. "Shinji, I want to move into this room with you. I want to go into NERV with you. I'm…I'm fixated. I never thought that I'd feel love, and now that I have it I'll never be able to unknow how badly it hurts when something goes wrong."

"What…what can I do for you?" Service, it was the easiest answer. It was the best way to show how he felt, to make his own fears clear to her. "Anything, Hikari. Anything at all. I jumped to save that woman, I'm the cause of all of this. What can I do for you?"

She sat regarding him, her eyes flicking about his face as if puzzling through a riddle. "What do you want, Shinji?" She stood, crossing over to him and taking his hands, "If you could have anything right now, what would it be?"

"A-an end to the Angels?" He blinked, "I'd really like to never have to fight again."

"That's for everyone," she squeezed his hands, "I mean for you, Shinji. Something just for you."

"I-I already have what I need," he shook his head, confused. "I have a house to live in, a place to belong. I have people to help, and food to eat. I have a girlfriend who…y-you said I don't get to tell you how you feel, so you say you love me. I-I have to believe you're telling the truth, even if I don't understand how." He pressed on, becoming desperate to convince her he was fine, "I have Nozomi, and Kodama. Toshiro-San is probably going to have words for me when he gets back from his business trip, but I at least know he'll be doing it because he cares, Nozomi says so. Wh-what else could I need, Hikari? I a-already have more than I deserve."

"Shinji," she needed to know, "where do you see us, in the future?"

"I don't know," his confusion grew. "I keep wondering when you'll get tired of me, or when I'll do something stupid like I did tonight, and you'll leave me." He looked at the room, "I can't live here forever, but I don't have anyplace else to go. What do I have that isn't the Eva or the fight against the Angels? I-I guess if there's anything I want, it's to know what to do. If my whole purpose is the Angels, what do I honestly have?"

"Direction…." She nodded, it was consistent with everything he had previously shown her. "Shinji, if I told you we were getting married, what would you do?"

"Panic?" He laughed, feeling the edge of it creeping up on him again, "I never want you to leave, Hikari. Someone…someone in a dream recently threatened to take you away from me because I wouldn't do what they wanted. I was enraged. I was furious, I almost blew the fight against the Angel because of it, because I couldn't keep my heartrate stable. But…as much as I want to know that I have a future, I'm terrified that the future will only end up with more pain." He pulled his hand free, scratching at the side of his face as it began to itch madly, "Finding you…finding you with someone else, I…I think I understand why you're so afraid of it, Hikari."

Hikari pursed her lips, the beginnings of a plan forming. "Let's talk to Kodama, together." She tugged him towards the door, "We're a family, and what you and I are thinking needs a third party we trust. I think maybe we're both too close to the solution to see it for what it is, and that's no place to make a decision from."

+++++ 4th Angel + 3 : Sunday (24)

"I'm not asking, Akagi," Gendo's voice was frost-coated razors. "Your 'failsafe' was an unacceptable risk during the last attack, and I will not allow it to continue." Sitting with his hands tented, he glared in irritation at the attempted defiance of the one woman he couldn't simply kill and replace.

"You don't really have a choice," Ritsuko stated calmly. "The code predates my ascension to the position vacated by my mother, and is part of the MAGI main coding. Removing it will trigger a cascade failure in two randomly selected cores, leaving you with only one third of a functioning system. If you look at the records, you'll see that I've dedicated several weeks total time over the past few years to trying to repair this vulnerability."

Kozo coughed, "I have seen those records, and she is not mistaken." He gestured towards her with an open hand, still facing the Commander of NERV, "This was a discussion she and I had before the initial investment in the project. It has been bumped from priority several times in favor of other projects, each time with our permission. The decision not to add additional resources was made to prevent knowledge of the fault to become general knowledge. I've already had a discussion with Captain Ibuki on the matter."

"Captain?" Ritsuko's eyebrows climbed her face, "I don't remember signing off on a promotion for her." The position below her was for a Lieutenant, she'd never authorize promoting Maya to the point that she couldn't serve in that capacity. _She's a threat, to your job and your mate. You need to keep her under your thumb, my dear._

"Her stewardship of your division during your _extended nap_ warranted praise," Gendo smirked. "She is going to be taking over several of your projects, as it seems you have been entrusted with far too many to properly track them all." Like a shark with blood in the water, he sensed the exploitable opportunity and twisted the knife, "I was impressed with her forthright briefing, she managed to not cower like so many have in the past."

Ritsuko scowled down at the man she had once thought she might have affection for, "I am certainly not going to-"

"The decision has been made," he sat back waving the topic off. "Captain Ibuki will be handling all matters relating to the Third Child, so that you may focus your efforts on the First and associated tasks. I also expect you to increase your pace on repairing this system vulnerability, unless you feel that I should hand that over to Captain Ibuki as well?"

"That won't be necessary," it was Ritsuko's turn to coat her tones with ice. "Unless you need me for anything else, _sir_ , I need to start searching for replacement staff members." Spinning about on her heel, she left without waiting for a response. _So, the little mouse thinks herself a lion?_ Her lip twitched as her rage built, _I'll show her what it's like on top._


	21. Chapter 21

+++++ 4th Angel + 3 : Sunday (24)

Sitting down to dinner at the dining room table, Shinji was flanked by Hikari and Nozomi. He could see that Kodama was assuming her role as the eldest in the house at the moment, her eyes patiently assessing how he and Hikari comported themselves. He wasn't as stressed as he had been, the comfort he gained from Hikari listening to him, from Nozomi expressing how she felt scared but trusted in him, all worked together to give him a small measure of peace.

"So," Kodama began, "a number of misunderstandings all collided together." She looked to Hikari, then back to Shinji, "And you panicked, because you've been under an inordinate amount of stress."

"I…yeah," he nodded, "I panicked. I knew she was leaving me. I didn't think it, I felt it in my gut."

"That reaction would have been a bit excessive," the nurse-in-training smiled wryly. "But it goes to show just how far you have to go on the road to recovery." She took a bite, chewing slowly. A clear signal to her sister to step in and address that point.

"But he's come a very long way, in just a few short weeks." Hikari reached over and gently stroked her boyfriend's arm, "A setback every now and then is something we should all expect. Look at me, I thought I had a handle on everything and I let my emotions run off with my mouth. Everybody gets to make mistakes."

"And family forgives family for them," Nozomi nodded twice.

"I-I don't know that Hikari made a mistake, though." Shinji looked down at his plate, "I should have been clearer in how I explained the phone call with Maya-San."

"I disagree," Kodama reasserted herself quickly. "I don't believe that your phraseology was the problem, or even the impetus of the problem." She gestured off-handedly to her sister, "Hikari is terrified of you leaving her." The middle sister drew Shinji's eye and nodded sadly. "Not because she thinks that you're going to cheat, or because she thinks you're interested in anyone else, but because you _jumped in front of a train_." She sighed when he winced, "You then fought a gigantic alien. After each of those, you ended up somewhere she couldn't reach you. That's a horrifying position to be in when you love someone. I see it in the hospital all the time, when someone's spouse is going into surgery, or when they're close to death." Tapping her chopstick to get his eyes back on her, she tilted her head towards Hikari, "She's seventeen, Shinji. I've seen women thirty years her senior lose their composure over far, far, less. However, at the end of it all, this fight is her fault."

"N-no!" Shinji shook his head vigorously, "I-I sh-"

"Nii-san," Nozomi interjected loudly, "stop it." Her eyebrows drew together, "Kodama-nee-san is not being mean. If Hikari-nee-san didn't let you speak, and blamed you for something you didn't do, then it's her fault. Have you apologized, nee-san?"

"I tried to," Hikari admitted honestly. "It's hard to apologize when the person you're apologizing to doesn't think you did anything wrong." Turning to face her older sister, Hikari frowned in frustration, "I came out here hoping that you had a way to help him see that I was at fault, but I don't know that we're making headway."

"A solid point," Kodama nodded agreeably. "An apology doesn't mean much if what's being apologized for isn't clear." She leaned closer to the table, resting her chin on her wrist, "Had my sis here let you finish your statement, instead of snapping at you, this incident would not have happened. That she snapped at you because of an emotional overload that she's been building for weeks now doesn't _excuse_ the actions, it just _explains_ the actions. Can you accept that as true, Shinji?"

"Yes…." He blinked, "But shouldn't I have found a way to explain what I had done that didn't set her up to think what she did?"

"No," Hikari stepped firmly on that notion. "If I had concerns, I should have voiced them reasonably. If I had doubts, I should have raised them. I, instead, let my emotions run the show, and look where that landed us. Can you imagine if this had happened at school, Shinji? If I walked into the gym and saw you with Natsuko's…." She glanced quickly to Nozomi, "With your 'helpers' in the positions they were in, and then started yelling? I'd be doing exactly what they accuse me of doing. I'd be taking away your freedom to make friends with other people, I'd be controlling and manipulating you."

"And we're better than that," Kodama intoned. "If she ever forbids you from speaking to someone, you come straight to me, Shinji." She smirked, "I don't see the reverse being a problem, considering I doubt you'd forbid her from walking into the boy's locker room nude if she got it in her head to do so."

"Kodama!" Hikari scowled at her elder sister, "Let's not put bad thoughts in his head right now, you know very well that I would never do such a thing. Anyway," she turned back to Shinji, "I am sorry that I let you down, Shinji. I promised myself that I'd always give you an opportunity to explain yourself, something I know you very desperately need. I failed, and I'll do my best to not fail like that often."

"We can't say 'never'," Kodama added quietly. "Because we're human, and we make mistakes. Never make promises you can't keep, Shinji. Just try your hardest to do what you can, and promise your best effort."

"Do you accept her apology, nii-san?" Nozomi leaned forward to look at him with wide eyes, "She apologized, but it's up to you to accept it."

"I do," he nodded earnestly, "I-I'm more upset at myself than I'd ever be at you, Hikari."

"And that's something we need to fix," Kodama sat back with a sigh. "There is nothing wrong with being upset at someone you love, hun. I'm upset at the Sprout all the time because she leaves her hairbrush in the sink." She gestured to Hikari, "I'm upset at this one for dawdling in the shower. I'm even upset at you for not greeting me with a kiss in the morning," she shrugged, "it's natural to have ill-feelings about the things that those you love do or don't do. Talk them out, don't let them fester, and the problems get better."

"Accepting that some things may not change," Hikari added, "is just part of learning to live together with someone. I'll never be able to stop Kodama from being physically affectionate with my boyfriend. It's just her nature, no matter how irritating it is." She raised her eyebrow to her sister, "And I take enough time to make sure that I'm properly clean. I, unlike you, have an image to maintain."

"And a boyfriend to please," Nozomi slid in.

"Oi," Kodama pointed at the youngest Horaki, "no ganging up on me while I'm on this side of the table. I have a very high standard to meet, especially now that Hikari brought home Shinji. Besides, Shinji likes how I look, don't you?"

Light-hearted banter replaced the dower conversation, everyone making an effort to move past the incident now that the apologies were made. There was more to be done, but Kodama and Hikari knew that belaboring it would only allow Shinji to fixate on it more. After dinner, Shinji helped Nozomi with the dishes, leaving the elder sisters to talk quietly amongst themselves.

Kodama sat twirling her phone on it's edge, the corner dancing a slow ballet on the table, "You still going on that date tomorrow?"

"I think we are," Hikari looked to the kitchen. Mentally reviewing her conversation with her boyfriend in his bedroom, she decided that now was as good a time as any to voice her concerns, "I need more help."

"Tonight kind of proves that," the eldest Horaki Sister tilted her head slightly, "but that's not what you mean."

"Be nice," she chided. "I know you're upset with me, _I'm_ upset with me. I'm going to have nightmares of the look on his face when I snapped at him, and I have nobody but myself and whoever that horrible woman is that did this to him to blame." Sitting back with a sigh, she flicked a stray hair out of her face, "He doesn't know what he wants, except for two things."

Kodama pursed her lips, "You, and?"

"An end to the Angels, and direction," Hikari corrected. "He says that he's perfectly fine knowing that he belongs to me. He also said, specifically, that he's still terrified I'm going to find someone else. That I'm going to get tired of him, or he's going to make a mistake and lose me. He loves it here, but he knows this isn't forever and doesn't have a clue what he's supposed to do when it comes time for him to 'move on'."

"So…he needs a career counselor?" Kodama chuckled, "If he keeps saving money at the rate he is, Hikari, he'll never need to work a day in his life. If you get a job, he could be the stay-at-home dad and you conquer the business world. Be honest," she gestured openly, "you know you want to do more than just have and raise kids."

"I want to teach," she admitted. "But right now, I'm going to be looking at entering computer science type stuff. I can intern at NERV under Akagi-san if I continue to improve in the MAGI script. That'd mean having a way to stay around him after I graduate, and not have it look bad when I go to college later, once this is all over."

"That's my sis," Kodama smiled happily. "So," her mood shifted back to serious, "he needs a push to find what he wants out of life?"

"Not…entirely," Hikari was brushing up against concepts she only had a passing familiarity with. "I think maybe he needs someone to take the reins and drive." She tugged on her hair, "I think if I told him that he and I were getting married tomorrow he'd accept it and do what he needed to, to make me happy."

"And you're afraid that means you're not what he wants, in particular, just in general?" The nurse-in-training rolled her eyes, "Didn't we already move past that? He's in love with you, Hikari. He just doesn't understand what to do with it. One look at the way he acts around you makes it patently obvious, he just needs a little more time to work the muscles a bit."

"That's not it," the Class Rep snapped. "I need to figure out ways to help him work the muscles, but I need them to be ways that aren't abusive. He wants direction, and I'm capable of providing that, but it would be self-serving to just tell him 'Now you get down on one knee and give me a ring'. I need to get him to a place where he wants to do that on his own, or any relationship I have with him will always have that cloud hanging over us…over me." She groaned, "He'd be fine. He'd be _happy_ to know that I was happy. I'd be miserable that I took advantage of his submissiveness, even if he was never miserable that I did so."

Both sisters sat quiet for a time, thinking over the quandary. There was no immediate, obvious, silver bullet to implement. The knowledge that time was incredibly limited made the practical solutions of therapy and time for growth less of a help than they ought to have been. They needed concrete, goal-oriented, fast-acting plans. The problem was, those all required that both parties have a firm grasp of their long-term desires, something that Shinji himself clearly didn't have access to.

"Bedtime hugs!" Nozomi hustled out of the kitchen, wrapping Kodama in an embrace.

"She asked that I read her a chapter from a book," Shinji smiled at the little lady that had taken firm hold of his heart, then at the woman who owned it whole. "So I'll be back down in a bit, if that's ok?"

"I think that's wonderful," Kodama answered quickly. "Sprout, you make sure you brush your teeth first, ok?" She pulled Shinji into a quick hug, thanking him for being so charitable to her family.

"Hai!" Nozomi moved around the table, bringing Hikari into a hug and whispering, "He loves you, silly head. He doesn't love anyone else like you, not even himself. So don't get sillier, and forgive yourself like he forgave you." Leaning back, she grinned impishly, "Or Sakura-chan and I will steal him from you when we're older."

"Quiet, you," Hikari bent down and kissed her younger sister's forehead gently. "You're not supposed to be thinking about romance yet, you're too young. Now go let Shinji baby you. Scoot."

After the pair were moving up the stairs, Kodama looked back to Hikari, "He's genuinely happier when he's giving, sis. It's not necessarily unhealthy, but there is an enormous potential for abuse. I think, maybe, the best thing to do is to ask him to do trivial things for you, when he wants to. Let him try out the concept for a while. Start tomorrow on the date, don't take initiative on things unless there's a tragedy brewing, let him see that doing those small things won't lead to bad outcomes."

"Like what?" Hikari rolled her hands, "What should I prompt him with when he locks up?"

"Remind him of things you enjoy," Kodama shrugged. "You enjoy it when he holds your hand, when he carries you, when he buys you a chocolate bar. You can give him a multitude of options, then let him choose from among those. When he does them without you prompting him, he'll start to build confidence that he's not 'intruding' or being perverted. He's come a long way, Hikari. The fact that we've had a setback isn't unmanageable, and we need to not treat him like he's back to square one."

+++++ 4th Angel + 4 : Monday (25)

Shinji awoke to a text message, 'Get outside, if you're well enough to stand, you're well enough to train.' Blinking to clear away the fog, he saw the message had been signed by Suzuki. Without questioning it, he rapidly took care of what he needed to for a morning of training with the two compatriots of his eldest housemate. Kicking on his shoes, he opened the door to the Horaki Home and reflexively dodged a straight jab, tilting to the side and countering by slapping the blow away and then lunging with his elbow to close the distance.

Catching Shinji's elbow, Suzuki grinned, "Good. I was worried that lazing around in bed for a week or so might have dulled what I beat into you."

"Good morning, Shinji-san," Gen chuckled. "How are you feeling today?"

"Awake," retrieving his arm with a sigh, he bowed to the two men, "I apologize for missing our scheduled training session. I made…how did you put it, ah! I made a poor tactical decision that led to an unfortunate strategic loss."

"He listens," Suzuki smiled. "We'll make a Shirakami out of you yet, boy." Clapping him on the shoulder, he gestured towards the pathway, "Let's go for a jog. You set the pace, I want to see how you're doing after everything."

Shinji righted himself and moved to follow instructions. He set a pace that he believed the men with him would appreciate, "I have to thank you, Gen-san, Suzuki-san. During my fight with the Angel, I made use of your reminders to maintain my calm. It…wasn't necessarily successful, but I gave my best efforts."

"That's what matters," Gen's voice was calm and well-mannered even while moving at a quick trot. "You must practice much longer before it will be habit, but to learn you must begin to perform."

"And, you won," Suzuki smirked. "Winning cures a great many ills, Shinji-kun. Don't re-fight old battles, just learn from them and prepare for the next one. Does that make sense?"

"Yes, Sensei," Shinji nodded.

"You don't sound winded," Gen mused. "We're heading to the same park as always, Shinji-san. Sprint there as fast as you can."

"Yes, Sensei," Shinji took two longer strides to gain distance so he wouldn't accidentally trip anyone, and then began pushing as hard as his legs would allow. The pre-dawn sky gave little light but Tokyo-3's electrical grid had been maintained well, which meant the streetlights provided enough illumination for him to be seen by anyone who happened to be out and about at the early hour. His hair floated along behind him, a ghostly streak of fey-fire bobbing through the city glowing brightly no matter whether he was under a lamp or not, standing out in contrast to the subdued greys of his workout clothing.

It felt wonderful, stretching his legs again. The low hum of nearby vehicles the only sound other than his breathing, the cool air of the morning flowing across his skin, it was affirmation that he was alive. He pushed harder and harder, wanting to go as fast as he could, for no reason other than the thrill of it. Freedom, pure and simple. While he was running there was nothing but the path before him, the drumbeat of his footfalls, and the rushing wind. There were no thoughts of Angels, no worries about failing in his relationship, no angry redheaded voices screaming at him for failures real and imagined. It was a true respite.

As he approached the park he felt a twinge of regret, the distance of just over five kilometers suddenly far too short for his taste. Slowing down as he rounded the corner into the green, he expected to have to breathe heavily just to get in enough oxygen. After one deep breath, he realized nothing was really out of sorts.

 _Why would it be?_ A whisper played through the back of his mind. _You're now the Lord of Morning, as well as Water._

Spinning around to see behind him, looking for the owner of the unexpected voice, Shinji instead spied a motorcycle idling on the street. The occupant waved him over, then again more vehemently when Shinji hesitated. Slowly approaching the figure, their outline obscured by the riding leathers they wore, he called out a greeting, "Good morning."

Lifting their helmet off, a length of blonde hair flopped out. "Jesus bugger me, Paladin, you can really run!" Raffle's wolfish grin beamed out of the darkness, "Remind me never to challenge you to…oh, oh! Oh, you are so going to race Glitch just to shut the bastard's trap!" Dropping the kickstand, she switched off her motorcycle and swung her leg off the sports-bike, "I'll do you a favor in the future, somehow."

"Noelle-San," Shinji smiled in relief at the realization that this wasn't some odd stranger, "good morning."

"Yes, yes, mister formality. Good morning to you too," she idly spun her helmet in one hand. "So, footrace, you and Glitch, say…four hundred meters?" He could see the playful gleam in her eyes, the eagerness to create a controlled form of chaos. Raffle was the kind of woman that Misato might have been, with far fewer responsibilities to tether her down.

"If…uhm, if it's important to you." He tilted his head slightly to the side, "Why, though? I mean, what would it prove?" He wouldn't run a race if doing so would only end up causing someone pain. He'd had enough taken from him in life to know that having something 'special' to covet was a powerful way to keep the darkness at bay.

"He's been the fastest runner in the Corps for-bloody-ever. It's time someone else has bragging rights, and since you'd never lord it over our heads, that someone should be you!" She laughed, "I'd offer to go on a date with you, but you're already taken." Throwing her helmet up she caught it and began to juggle it energetically, excited by her own idea, "So…what can I offer you to get you to do this? Money? More crackers?"

"W-would you really go on a date with me just to get me to run four hundred meters?" Shinji blinked, "Isn't that…I don't know, belittling you?" The idea seemed abhorrent, to him. That such a vivacious woman would lower herself to simply being a piece of arm-candy to a man just for something that the man had to offer. That _any_ woman would do that.

"Why would it?" She raised an eyebrow, "You're a little young, sure, but the difference between me and you is much smaller than the difference between Feelgood and his S.O. She's twenty years his junior, bit of a star-chaser to be honest." She pouted suddenly, "Why, ain't I pretty enough?"

"N-no, I-I mean yes! I m-mean that's not what I meant," Shinji stopped as Raffle began to laugh fondly.

"Oh you are too pure for this world." She let an honest smile show, "You keep that in your toolkit, ok?" Her eyes twinkled as she regarded him happily, his standing in her world clearly having risen higher. "I nailed it, with you, Paladin. There's no mistaking someone like you, is there?"

"Paaluhdeen," he worked his mouth around the unfamiliar word, "Paladin," nodding to himself he was fairly confident he had it pronounced right, "what is that?"

"It's you," Raffle grinned. "They were an order of knights known for their passionate defense of the Armies of Charlemagne against the invading hordes. Also," she raised her finger, "I now know you've never played an RPG, because anyone who's done that knows what a Pally is. In your case, there's an old Pre-Impact video game that I took it from. Paladins in that game worshipped _The Light_."

"And Hikari…." Shinji pieced it together easily from the clues, "So, it's like your 'handle'?"

"Yep, your new handle is Paladin. We were going to give it to you at the party, but since I came up with it, I get to choose when you find out. Anyway, I need to motor. I'm on duty in a few, and could eat a damn hippo." Waving winsomely, she tapped her helmet back into place and started her bike up. With a final salute, she revved her bike up and took off just as Gen and Suzuki rounded the corner.

Suzuki looked after the retreating form of the pilot, "Problems?" The deadly professional had the bearing of a cobra ready to strike, and seemed ill-pleased that Shinji might have been harassed at a time that he ought to have been training.

"No, no," the newly named pilot shook the idea away. "She's one of the pilots that flew me to the hospital after I…made my error in judgement." He scrubbed the back of his head, "She saw me running and wanted to say, 'good morning'."

"That is reasonable," Gen looked to his partner, "I would assume that if anything were amiss either set of his minders would have intervened." The stocky man directed Shinji towards their now traditional spot, directing the first of the day's calisthenics.

Shinji looked around, "I…have multiple sets of Agents?"

"No," Suzuki began to stretch his arms out, "you have one set of Agents, and a pair of our colleagues. After the stunning failure at the train station to intervene, followed by the equally abysmal failure in the hospital, it was decided that your Section Two cohorts are insufficient to the task of keeping you safe." He gave a sideways look to his student, "That you did not notice them on your run is concerning. Perhaps we should work on your situational awareness in addition to our other tasks."

"A discussion for later, perhaps," Gen interjected. "For now, assume the ready stance."

+++++ 4th Angel + 4 : Monday (25)

Hours later, Shinji walked back into his house feeling as if he'd accomplished far more than he expected to, following such an unexpected break in training. Twice he'd managed to upend Suzuki, each time coming as he'd simply acted without thinking instead of overanalyzing his own motions. Showering off the dirt and grass, he padded quietly to the kitchen to begin the morning's breakfast. Even though nobody was due in class, he felt better making sure that they had something nice and healthy to start their day off with if they woke up early. Anything left uneaten could be used for a meal later for himself.

Losing himself in the preparation, he began to hum a tune that had taken root in his mind. He couldn't place it, which had seemed odd at first, but he eventually accepted that it was one of those songs that he'd heard but never learned on the cello. The feel of arms unexpectedly wrapping around his waist no longer startled him as it might once have, "Good morning, Kodama," he spared a quick glance down at the eldest Horaki Sister.

"G'mornin'," she mumbled. "D'you 'member what I said last night?" The affectionate nurse-in-training wore her traditional half-shirt, but instead of her boxers that would normally accompany such she wore a hip-cut set of panties that seemed to be aggressively designed to draw attention to the wearer. A part of the woman was irritated when Shinji's eyes didn't linger, and instead averted themselves rapidly when he reached that segment of her body, a blush adorning his cheeks.

Sorting through the entirety of his interaction with her, he keyed in on anything that might have more than a general relevance to the current situation. Blinking as he struck on the comments about what irritated people, he looked down, "D-do you really want that?" _Why would you want that?_

"Do you?" She looked up at him, feigning a sleepy demeanor, "Because you know how affectionate I am."

 _It's something small,_ he reasoned. Setting down the whisk he had been using, Shinji reached down, firmly placing his hands on her waist, and lifted her enough that he could press his lips to hers at a slight angle. He lingered long enough that he thought it was meaningful, but not so long that it was impolite or misleading, settling her back on her feet with a serious look of concern, "W-was that ok?" As he wasn't in the habit of kissing women…well, period, he worried he might have not done a good enough job at the task.

Her slow smile spread, "That, Shinji, was wonderful. It's exactly how I want to be greeted in the morning: knowing that someone cares that I'm in their life." She slipped around behind him, heading to the fridge with a sway to her hips, "So, what's for breakfast?"

"Uhm," he turned back to the stove and away from the temptation of watching a gorgeous woman walk, "egg-drop soup, poached salmon, and wheat toast." He smiled to himself, the joy of having made someone happy spreading through him. "If there's something else you want, let me know," looking back reflexively as he finished speaking, intending to allow Kodama to know he was now listening to what she had to say, he caught her wink at him over her shoulder.

Bending down at the hips to reach into the refrigerator, Kodama kicked the toes of her right foot against the ground, making her shirt dance upwards. She knew he'd look away, freeing her up to act. "I'll make sure to do that," she fanned herself while he wasn't looking. _Spirits and ancestors, does he kiss Hikari like that?_ "Want something while I'm in here?" _How did he pick that talent up?_

"Oh, uhm, some tea would be nice, thank you." He flipped over the toast he had on the skillet, "Is it going to be a problem if Hikari and I are out for a while? Should we try to make it home early so you don't have to spend all day watching Nozomi?"

"Oh no," she laughed as she handed him a can of tea, "I'm not stepping on my sister's date. You take her out and show her a good time, do whatever your heart desires, and come home when you want to come home. Sprout and I'll spend some time working on her homework, then go to the park. I don't often have days off when she does, so this'll be a good chance for some bonding between the two of us." She gave him a fond smile, "If you're feeling generous, pick me up something nice, but other than that, don't spare a thought for me today."

"Something nice," he nodded. "Ok…ok. I'll do that."

"Kodama," Hikari sighed from the entryway into the kitchen, "why don't you wear pants?" The Class Rep had entered the kitchen quietly, choosing to simply stay in her capri-cut house pants and overlong t-shirt rather than ready herself for her date prior to breakfast.

"Because Shinji likes my legs," the nurse-in-training hopped up on the counter, crossing her legs at the knee and issuing a challenging smile. "You should try it, he might like your legs too." _You should do_ something _to get his attention, before someone else does._

"I already like her legs," Shinji murmured. "She works hard in gym class, it's kind of distracting."

"Oh," Hikari cast a malicious look to her sister, "am I distracting, Shinji?" Slipping between him and the stove, she looked up with wide, innocent, eyes, "I'm sorry." Pushing him back slowly towards the window, she affected a slight pout, "I can't help it, I was born with them." His back contacted the window sill, allowing her to step up on the small stool the household kept to help the Horaki women clean the high places in the room, "You forgive me, don't you?" Lifting one leg up slowly, demonstrating that she had more than adequate flexibility and balance, she set her heel atop his shoulder, "I promise you, I'll chastise them properly for being distracting, they're _very_ sorry."

"I…I…uhm," he swallowed heavily, "I f-forgive them." He clenched his jaw, trying to maintain proper decorum. The images that galivanted gaily through his mind laughing at his attempts to silence them.

"Is there something you want, _Shinji_?" She purred his name out, "Did something come to mind?"

"The…uhm…th-the-," he gently cupped her calf, slowly lowering her pleasantly sculpted leg, "they're very nice. I…sh-shouldn't comment on them further."

"Oh, look at the time, I should go shower before Nozomi wakes up." Kodama trailed her fingers out in a parting wave, "Looks like nobody's going to be downstairs to bother you for a while. Shame."

Shinji moved to the stove, "I'll…uhm, I'll make sure that the food is covered for her."

Hikari shifted behind him, wrapping her arms around his waist, "So, what were you thinking of, Shinji?" She reverted to her usual tone of voice, her point made to her older sister. "We've talked about how I don't mind knowing that you feel that way about me, so don't be afraid. We're alone, it's safe."

"Y-you…." _She's not Asuka. She's not._ "I w-wanted to…with you." He took a deep breath, "You're irresistible, Hikari. I…I was thinking last night as I went to bed about the Wednesday be…before the train." Her hands slid down towards his groin, "Y-you…made it…Hikari, please," he reached down and held her wrist, "I'm cooking. I don't want to hurt you, accidentally I mean."

"Should we do that more often?" Thrilling at the manner in which she managed to rile his hormones up, she slipped her hands free of him, stepping to the side and looking up at him with an easy smile, "Maybe set some time aside for it?"

His tongue felt thick in his mouth, "Y-you…of course you do." He closed his eyes, shaking his head, "You know what you want, and you go after it." With a sad smile, he started to work on the meal once more, "I wish I had a tenth of your confidence, Hikari. I wish I could just…know, and do."

"Well," Hikari began slowly, "you know what I like. You know I like it when you kiss me, I like it when you hold me, I like it when you tell me I'm beautiful. There are a great many things you could do, and you know I like it when you do them." Spinning to his other side, she giggled as she trailed her fingers along his back at the waist, "Just like I know you like it when I touch you like that. I don't need to ask permission to, so why should you have to?" Scooping up a spatula, she lent her assistance to the task at hand.

"You…of course you do," he echoed. "If you didn't like it when I did that, you'd have told me. I…I need to trust you." Setting his hand down firmly on the counter, he shook his head to chase away the doubts, "You're always honest with me. You've never once told me a lie, intentionally. I need to stop fighting the changes." He froze, not having intended to say that phrase.

"That's a good way to put it," Hikari had been facing away, unaware of his perplexed expression. "There are a lot of changes we're making, and I know that I can sometimes dig my heels in if I feel things are moving too fast." By the time she faced him again, he was focused on the salmon instead of his odd lexical decision, "If you like what we're changing, then embracing it just makes sense."

"I do like knowing I'm…wanted," he couldn't quite get out the other word. "Oh," he turned off the stove, "I ran into Noelle-san this morning. She was driving into work on her motorcycle when I was running to the park for practice." Turning around to face his girlfriend, he braced himself for a possible backlash. Speaking to a woman, especially one as attractive as the pixie-like pilot, without his girlfriend around might not be acceptable according to standard rules of play.

"You practiced?" Hikari frowned at him, "Are you well enough for that?"

"Suzuki-san and Gen-san believed so." Shinji scratched the back of his head, "I feel ok, and getting out to stretch my legs felt nice. I even managed to throw Suzuki-san twice today!" He dished out food for them both, "Noelle-san says I might be the fastest person she knows, and asked me to race Glitch-san in a four hundred meter. She…uhm, she said that if I weren't taken she'd go on a date with me to pay me back, but I don't know why she'd need to."

Hikari took her plate calmly, pleased that he was telling her about the encounter as a sign of his trust in her, but also worried from his demeanor that her outburst from the night before might have longer-term repercussions. "Why she'd need to date you, or why she'd need to pay you back?"

"O-oh," he shook his head, "I meant pay me back. I actually told her that it'd be demeaning her to go on a date with me just because she wants me to race Glitch-san. She teased me a bit, asked if I thought she wasn't pretty enough." Setting his plate down on the table, he pulled out Hikari's chair, "I think she likes me," he helped her move her chair in, "n-not like that. Just…like Misato, like a friend."

"I think she likes you too," Hikari warmed inside at the polite gesture he'd given her. They were in their home, with nobody else around, and Shinji still comported himself as a gentleman. "The pilots all seem like a tight-knit group, and both her and Shinsuke-san mentioned wanting to bring you into the fold."

"I might need to be careful," Shinji sat down with a tense look. "If they want me to drink with them, I'll need to make sure they understand that I'm still going to school. I can't afford to drink too much, if I can get any of it down at all." His memory of Yebisu rose like a zombie from the grave, "Vile smelling stuff." Taking a bite after he saw Hikari begin, Shinji chewed thoughtfully, "I should take you with me, if they ask me to go out with them. You can help me navigate through without making a total mess of the situation."

 _How many men would insist on including their girlfriend in a gathering like that? How did I get so lucky?_ "If they're ok with it," Hikari grinned happily. "They may just want to have it be a 'pilots only' affair. To allow them to talk more freely about things that you all face." She swallowed some tea, "I read, online, that groups like yours are very exclusive, almost reclusive, when they're relaxing. Something about being 'switched on' for so long that the only way they feel safe 'switching off' is among their own kind." Rolling her hand, she gestured to his plate, "Anyway, eat up. I want to make full use of our day together."

+++++ 4th Angel + 4 : Monday (25)

"Good morning, sempai," Maya walked into Ritsuko's lab with a tentative step. With Misato strolling behind her, she didn't have the chance to pause in the doorway and feel out the situation like she had wanted to. Stepping towards her old workstation, she left enough of a pause to allow for a return greeting if her former boss wanted to give one. "How are you feeling? Any lingering issues, other than memory loss?"

"There was this vestigial mass I had been worried over," the bottle blonde stated conversationally, "but it appears that it's been removed." She looked over her tablet, "In related news, congratulations on your promotion." _She desires what's yours. You must keep her away from him._

Maya blinked, processing the statement and realizing that she had just been insulted. Before she could try and explain what had happened, Misato stepped in guns blazing, "Yeah, it's a real shame that it took them so long to realize how talented Maya is. I guess her old supervisor was a real cunt, never talking her up to the bosses, always letting her take the fall for minor transgressions. I'm sure glad I don't know the woman as well as I should, I'd hate to have to explain to the Sub-Commander why I snatched her crotchety ass bald."

"Ah, yes. With friends like you," Ritsuko smiled sweetly. "What is it that you need, Misato? I'm afraid I'm fresh out of beer at the moment, but I'm sure that if you head down to the bar and shake them a little, you'll find some." _She cannot be allowed to challenge you. She has made too many errors, keep her down, step on her throat._

Maya shouted out, "Stop it!" Scowling at Ritsuko, then turning and looking pleadingly at Misato, she tried to restore calm to the situation, "I didn't ask for a promotion, sem…Akagi-san. Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki is setting up a special group for Shinji-kun, he wants to know exactly who he's with, where he is, and what is happening with him at all times. He said that you had been the one he wanted for the job, but between your obligations to the Science Division and your decision to stop working directly with Shinji-kun, he chose me instead."

"So now she'll be working directly with Tactical," Misato crossed her arms challengingly. "Our hope was that she could act as a bridge between Science and Tactical, help bring your team's mindset to our training. Maybe gain some insight into new avenues of helping Shinji and Ayanami-chan."

"Don't let me stop you," Ritsuko smirked, dripping with condescension. "I'm sure the new Captain has all sorts of wonderful ideas. However, you'll find that the First Child is rather busy, and so am I." She gestured to Maya's old terminal, "So if you'll kindly take your things and leave, I have to do real work."

"We're all doing real work, Akagi," the Tactical Commander walked over to help Maya carry her things. "I recommend you get your head screwed on straight before Shinji comes in on Wednesday. He doesn't need to see you tearing down someone that's seen some success in her life. It would send a very bad message to him."


	22. Chapter 22

+++++ 4th Angel + 4 : Monday (25)

Their first stop was a bookstore, surprising Shinji. While he had virtually no experience going on dates, from what little media and literature he'd consumed on the matter this was hardly a common starting point. Sticking by Hikari's side as she perused the shelves, he engaged the lessons he'd received that morning from the Shirakami trainers. Every action his girlfriend took, touching a book before moving on, picking up another to read the back, all underwent an analysis. Why would she like that? Why would she skip over another with seemingly superior material? It forced him to realize that he very rarely put actual thought into _why_ Hikari did things, just that she did them.

After several rows, she had a small, sad, smile on her face when she replaced a tome. Taking the opportunity, Shinji did something Gen said was important, and took the initiative, "Did you want this one?" She had spent longer looking it over, and only put it back when she looked at the corner with the price.

"I do," Hikari shrugged simply, "but I can wait until it's on sale. My allowance isn't enough to-" Pausing as Shinji picked up the book, handing it to her, she gave him a cautious look, "Shinji, I'm not going to have you go around buying me everything I fancy. It wouldn't be fair to you."

"Fair doesn't worry me," he gave a half-smile. "It's not fair that I'll always be worrying you. That you'll have to sit in the shelter afraid while I'm out fighting, not knowing if I'm ok or not. At least if I buy you a book or two, I'll know you'll have something to read while I'm fighting the Angels." He hitched one shoulder, looking down to the side, "Besides…I like making you happy. Three thousand Yen isn't worth worrying over if it makes you happy."

A part of her wanted to celebrate that he'd already taken an opportunity to do something he wanted to do. The rest of her was worried that the thing he did was subservient. If he truly could only find happiness in servitude…. "Well…thank you." Standing on her toes, she kissed his chin, "Let's go to the counter, I want to make sure we're at the botanical gardens when they open. It's less crowded then, and I know you don't enjoy crowds."

Shinji nodded, understanding a little better now why she'd chosen to wear a pair of overalls. Not, of course, that he thought she was unpleasant to gaze upon in them. They fit just tight enough to show her well-defined curves, but loose enough that it added a subtle tease to her figure. The overlong shirt she wore under the denim was, ironically, taken from his wardrobe. The first shirt he'd worn after the change, a shirt he didn't yet know he'd never see again in his own closet. His lesson in dating etiquette continued, aided by his lessons in fighting etiquette.

The middle-aged man behind the counter rang up the purchase, warily eying the door to the shop. After expertly wrapping the book in a small plastic bag, he flicked his eyes to Shinji and spoke quietly, "Hey, are you famous?" There was no menace, no dark intent, radiating from the man. It seemed to Shinji that he was worried for, not about, the pair of students before him.

"N-no," Shinji blinked, taken off-guard. "I wouldn't say I am. Just a high school student." _Just your average student. Piloting a gigantic robot. Nothing worth note._

"Hng," the man grimaced. "Be careful going outside, then. There's two sets of folks been watching you this whole time. If they make to hurt ya, duck back inside. I'll lock the shop up and call the police." He nodded to Hikari, then to Shinji, "Thanks for stopping by, please be careful. Not too many young folk come here anymore, I'd hate to lose good customers to thugs."

Hikari had peeked around Shinji's torso, recognizing Akane and Mikoto, as well as one of the two men calmly surveying the area. Familiar with her father's work associates, she relaxed and took Shinji's arm, "Thank you for the warning, sir." She bowed politely and walked them both towards the door. Once they were far enough to not be overheard, she whispered, "It's your agents, and some people from Daddy's work. I guess they're nervous about you, still."

"Oh." He sighed, "I'm sorry, that probably isn't going to help you relax on our date today."

Before he could further rue his abnormal life, he was surprised by her giggle, "Actually, it's quite the opposite. What possible danger could we be in with four people specifically trained to hurt dangerous people watching over us?" Waving subtly at Akane, Hikari received a quick 'peace sign' in return, and set out towards the gardens with her book in one arm and Shinji's arm in the other. Sure, it might be odd to most people, but she was dating someone who piloted an 'odd' humongous mecha, transformed from handsome to stunning in a vat of breathable liquid, and was the sole defender of mankind against gigantic aliens. Adapt and overcome, that was what her father taught her.

+++++ 4th Angel + 4 : Monday (25)

Walking out of the gardens, Shinji felt morose, "So many plants that only survive in special environments like that. There's no place on Earth that they can grow anymore, it's…sad." He blew out a sigh through his nose, "I can't even think of a better word to use, it's just sad. Plants, animals like Pen-Pen, so much death beyond the human cost of Second Impact."

"I heard that there are university students working on ways to improve their hardiness," Hikari offered. "Methods that would allow them to thrive and grow out in the wild. Biodiversity might improve again, especially if everything begins to return to pre-Impact normal." She took up his arm, setting out on a course for their next destination. She was happy that he continued to prove to be a deeply emotional person, even if the emotion of the moment was sorrow. It meant that he'd never be distant, or cold, so long as she left him an avenue open to let out the darkness within.

Shinji bent his arm the way Hikari preferred, heedless of the minor discomfort he experienced holding his arm at such an angle, "I wonder how you'd even start," his eyebrows knit together in concentration. "I can't even imagine _where_ you'd start. You'd have to-"

"Pilot Ikari," Rei's voice cut into his thoughts. The bluenette greeted him as she walked out of the shop where Hikari and Kodama had helped Shinji purchase all of his body-care products, "Good morning." Standing in her typical clothing, the albino pilot had an odd cast to her face. It was clear that she was thinking, to Shinji, as he was the only person that had spent any sufficient amount of time around her to note such things.

"Oh," Shinji blinked, coming to a halt, "good morning, Ayanami-San." He didn't want to interrupt his date, but he also did not want to be rude to one of the two women that held his life in her hands. Not only did it set a bad precedent for everyone around him, as he was supposed to act like a leader now, but it also might make her feel unappreciated. Regardless of everything else, he did not want to make someone feel like that.

"Good morning," Hikari's voice was guarded as she thought through why Shinji might pause to speak with the reclusive beauty. As much as she wanted to move along and avoid the anticipated awkwardness of being ignored by her classmate, she didn't want to provide more fuel for any classroom rumors regarding her and Shinji's relationship. _I'll just have to trust him,_ "How are you, Ayanami-San?"

Rei considered the woman for a few seconds, "I am nearly fully healed." Her eyes narrowed slightly, then she added, "Thank you for asking." She looked back to Shinji, assessing his reaction.

Shinji was amazed, and made no efforts at hiding it. _Rei just spoke to someone!_ "That's great, Rei-san!" In his haste, he forgot that they weren't yet on cordial terms, "Hopefully soon you'll not need to keep your arm bandaged," he gestured to her right arm, "I'm looking forward to seeing you healthy again."

There was, once more, a pause before she spoke, "Thank you, Pilot…Shinji-san." Inclining her head slightly, she seemed to be considering something, "May I ask for a moment of privacy with you? I require your assistance with an issue." Hesitating, she looked to Hikari, "If that meets with your approval."

The freckle-faced Class Rep was torn between curiosity at Shinji's sudden friendliness, curiosity at how Rei had just addressed her twice directly, and irritation at having her date interrupted. Duty won the short battle, though, and she stood on her toes to kiss Shinji's cheek, "I'll be in here. Once you're done, come find me." _He's mine, got it?_ Her glance at Rei expressed everything she felt needed saying, and so she walked into the shop the bluenette had just exited.

Shinji looked around for a place that wasn't in everyone's path, and found a large stone bench nearby. "Let's go sit over there," he turned and walked at a pace befitting the slender pilot beside him. "What can I do for you?" Watching her stumble slightly, he instinctively reached over and gripped her good arm to stabilize her. "S-sorry," he pulled his hands back as soon as she was steady, "I…uhm, I didn't want you to fall."

Seating herself, Rei looked up at him, "Why do you apologize?" Her eyes conveyed true confusion, and a slight touch of hurt displeasure. She conveyed so much with so few movements, the elegant grace obvious to the Third Child.

"I'm sorry?" Realizing that sounded like an apology instead of confusion, he waved a hand in a warding gesture, "I mean, I don't understand your question." Not yet wanting to commit to sitting down, he moved to stand in such a manner that prevented anyone from crowding his peer, despite the NERV-employed and Shirakami-employed personnel outnumbering the civilian populace greatly at that moment.

Rei seemed to realize that the slight was unintentional, and perhaps pre-programmed, "You put your hands on me to stop me from suffering damage, an action I would expect to fall in line with social norms," she tilted her head slightly to the side, a falcon measuring an odd animal. "Yet you apologize as if you have wronged me."

"I-I," _this is Rei, dummy. She's not familiar with you, she doesn't understand social graces, she walked out nude from her shower and didn't bother hiding_ anything _so you're going to have to take this one slower._ "Wh-where I come from, I would have been punished for touching someone without their permission. I'm…uhm, I'm still used to that, it's nothing you've done."

"Understood," Rei nodded slowly, looking down. The bluenette seemed to run the statement through a decision matrix, balancing various aspects against others to come up with an adequate solution. "I give you permission to touch me however you would like to," she gazed up at him with a serious cast to her eyes. "It is important for our relationship that you not hesitate to do as you feel appropriate."

"R-err, Ayanami-san, you shouldn't say that," he sat down, crimson blooming along his cheeks. Leaning in, he lowered his voice, "I might get the wrong idea and end up doing something you don't like, or something that might hurt you." He, of course, never would do such a thing intentionally, but it was best that he start general and move towards specific, rather than try to list every variable in play.

"I fail to see your logic," she kept her voice at the same tone she used in everything, a whisper down a dark corridor. "You act as if you have an interest in my well-being, why should I anticipate harm from you?"

"B-because…." Realizing that the only way he could explain his statement would be to make the current situation even more uncomfortable when she realized what she was offering, he changed tracks, "A-anyway, what was it you needed help with?"

She considered him for a moment, whether judging his evasion or weighing her words, he couldn't say. When she finally spoke, it was accompanied by holding up the bag containing her purchases, "Tell me which is more pleasing to your senses, I am unfamiliar with the usage of scented products."

 _This was what she needed to speak with me privately about?_ "Uhm, sure," gently taking the bag, Shinji looked in and saw several boxed soaps. Cinnamon, sandalwood, vanilla, lavender, even citrus scents, without any logical consistency between them. "I…uhm, I guess it would depend." He lowered the bag, hitching his lips to the side thoughtfully.

She nodded, as if the response was anticipated, "What are the variables?"

"W-well," he sighed, realizing that there was no way to get around the situation becoming awkward, "you. Kodama-san, Hikari-san's older sister, smells of honey. The products that she uses prefer that scent, and it works for her. The one morning she used Hikari-san's soap, which is lavender, it smelled…off. But on Hikari-San, it smells very nice." He rocked his shoulders side to side, anxiety rising, "So, it would depend on how it smells when _you_ use it. I like all of these scents, but I may not like them when combined with you. But, it's not my body, and if you like it then you like it."

"Understood," she recovered the bag. "I will utilize them one at a time, allowing you to give your opinion on it at school. Reducing external variables will allow you to come to the optimal decision." Standing, she paused to stare off into the distance, then turned back to regard him, "I appreciate your assistance, and request that you continue to use my given name during any socialization." Bending slightly, she pressed a kiss to his cheek, "I hope you enjoy your day."

Shinji froze in place, by virtue of the direction he had been facing, watching Rei walk away calmly. The school uniform she wore, seemingly the only clothing she possessed, sat on her frame appealingly. By any measure, she was a well-proportioned young woman and were it not for her odd mannerisms she would likely have any man she wished as a boyfriend. She was not, however, conversant in interpersonal relations. Nor had she, as far as Shinji could remember, ever engaged in an act of physical affection. Not a handshake, not a hug, and certainly never a kiss on the cheek.

"Hey," Mikoto sat down, turning to face him and leaning back suddenly with a raised eyebrow. "Whoa, ok, you all right, bud?" Her expression changed from cautious displeasure to outright surprise in a heartbeat, whatever it was that she had been about to talk to him regarding clearly no longer of any importance.

"She…she kissed me." The more-than-mildly horrified look on his face matched his tone, "Why? She never touches _anyone_."

"Yeah…ok," helping him stand, Mikoto shoved him towards the shop where Hikari was, "guess I was right. Go tell your girlfriend, she'll explain it." The agent shook her head, turning back to Akane with a shrug that told everything.

Shinji stumbled into the shop, pausing in the doorway as his mind began to regain traction. Something had changed with Rei. She wasn't the same, he knew that. She spoke ill of his father, she dedicated herself to his service, and now she kissed him. The signs had all been there, he just hadn't paid enough attention to it. Ultimately, this was on him.

"Shinji?" Hikari's voice from his side startled him, causing her to start in response, "Sorry! Sorry!" Pulling him out of the doorway, she soothed her hands along his arm, "What happened? Something wrong at work?" _If that red-eyed bint said_ anything _to him to ruin this date I'm going to track her down, and_ no _amount of Section Two muscle is going to stop the pain I unleash._

 _Oh hell, she kissed me._ "I, I didn't mean for that to happen," the devastation he felt slathered itself along his features, "I j-just answered her question, and she…." Looking around, he lowered his voice and bowed deeply, "Rei-San kissed me." Standing back up, he swallowed heavily, "I didn't mean for that to happen. I-I'm a horrible boyfriend, I'm sorry, I-"

Hikari clenched her jaw, _and this is my repayment for snapping at him last night. Karma, you suck._ "It's ok," she shook her head, pulling him down into a kiss of her own, "I know you wouldn't cheat, Shinji. I'll have a talk with her, explain that it's inappropriate, everything will be fine." _I need to move him along, or he's going to lock up._ "Why don't I show you the hand lotion I found? It dries much cleaner than the one I use at school, I'm thinking about changing."

"I-I," he let himself be towed towards the lotions, "Hikari, you-"

"Heard exactly what you said," she smiled at him with all the warmth she could muster. Burying her anger for later, she put some of the sample bottle on the back of her hand and rubbed it around to soak in, "I trust my boyfriend. Even if I didn't, I'm absolutely positive that I could ask any of the four people that watch you constantly and they'll tell me the same thing you just told me. Now," she held out the hand she had placed the lotion on, at his chest level, and lifted her eyebrows curiously, "what do you think?"

+++++ 4th Angel + 4 : Monday (25)

It was a much calmer Shinji, and a far happier Hikari, that walked out of a small café several stores and more than a few hours later after sharing a small dessert, "You really could have ordered whatever you wanted, Hikari." He smiled down at her, enjoying the feel of her on his arm, "It's not that I minded sharing, but I don't want you to be limited to my choice of food. I know that I prefer things with more subtle flavor, and you might not appreciate that."

"I like trying what you think is tasty," she giggled, "and I thought it was absolutely charming how you held the spoon out for me to try it." Looking up at him, she caught his smile and blushed, "This, Shinji. This is what I've always wanted. Thank you."

A small spot of vanilla pudding had been missed, having landed on Hikari's jaw unnoticed. As he debated telling her, he realized that this was another opening, an opportunity to try something that she'd mentioned earlier in the day. Without warning, he gently grabbed her chin under her lips, turned her face to the side, and kissed her with his mouth slightly agape over the spot of pudding. Lightly touching his tongue to the blemish, he scooped it free and pulled back, running his thumb over the spot to wipe off any saliva. "Sorry, you had a-"

Hikari pounced, kissing him fully, her heart soaring at the unprompted display of affection. After holding the embrace for a slow ten count, she slipped away and grinned mischievously up at him, "I was saving that for later, good sir. I had to take it back." _He did it!_ Her inner voice exulted joyously, _And so quickly!_

Caught up in his victory, Shinji let a smile dominate his face. Walking onward towards their next destination, he felt pride and confidence begin to rout the evil forces of depression and anxiety. He'd kissed her, openly, in public, and she hadn't shied away. She'd returned the gesture eagerly, even! The happy-waves radiating from his girlfriend buoyed him further, prompting a string of thoughts that wouldn't normally have been given a chance to shine. "Let's go here," he shifted her towards a toy store. "I think I see something I want to get for Nozomi and Sakura-chan."

Hikari followed along readily, pleased that he'd made another decision. _Sure,_ she mused, _it's to buy something for someone other than himself. But I can't prompt him to make decisions and then stomp all over them. Small steps._ The trip to the store took little time, as Shinji had seen from farther than she had been able to make out a pair of sloth-shaped stuffed animals. A bright green and yellow, the two were mirror images of the other. When she saw them up close, she noticed that the craftsmanship was excellent, and the material held an odd sheen to it.

The woman behind the counter, a little older than Kodama, chatted eagerly about the toys. She mentioned repeatedly that she had hoped her boyfriend would be as open to buying them as Shinji seemed to be. Hikari puzzled at that, wondering why it would be something a couple the cashier's age would like. After the purchase was made, and Shinji held a bag containing the two, he hurried them out of the store, towards Hikari's intended original destination.

"Sorry," he glowed. "I saw these and thought that maybe I could give them something to remind each other that they were there, even when they were apart. Connecting it to the wi-fi in the hospital shouldn't be hard, and the wireless signal in your house is strong enough." Twisting his wrist so the bag hung over his shoulder, he looked down to Hikari, "What do you think?"

"I think, perhaps, connecting a stuffed animal to wireless might be the oddest concept I've ever heard of," Hikari smiled, confused. Shinji was pleased with himself, reason enough to be happy. Shinji was also acting like what he was saying made even the slightest amount of sense to someone not currently in his own mind, which was amusing in its own right. _He's spent so long talking with himself, by himself, that he doesn't instinctively know to always include others. It's an effort he makes, consciously, which makes it all the more special that he both includes and trusts me._

"Oh," Shinji swung the bag down, stepping out of the walk path so he could show her what she had clearly missed. "They glow when their opposite is squeezed. Not enough to light up a room, just enough to be a warm and showy reminder that someone's thinking of you. They're paired through the MAGI network, and so long as you have a connection to a signal, and the internal battery has a charge, then Sakura-chan won't be so lonely while Nozomi hugs this in her own room."

"That's…that's actually really sweet," her smile switched to wonder, then to elation. "How did you see that from so far away?" She turned, judging the distance to the store to be about the same as they had started from, "I couldn't have read any signs from this far away, you have great eyesight, Shinji."

"No, no," he shook his head, laughing. "I recognized it from an ad I saw on my netbook while I was helping Nozomi with her homework. I was looking up pre-Impact Panama for her, showing her the indigenous life that used to exist before half of the Americas were submerged. There it was. When we walked out of the café, after you kissed me, I saw the store display and thought I could do something nice for both of them."

"They'll love it," she bounced happily. "But," she sobered for a second, "you are going to allow Nozomi to do more chores to make up for it. We can't spoil her, we have a responsibility to Daddy, and to Mom, to make sure she understands the value of objects."

"M-maybe I'll have her help me," he offered as a compromise. "Teach her to cook, have her help me do dishes afterwards. It's supposed to be a gift, you know?" He understood what she was saying, but didn't want to have the little lady feel indebted for it.

"On one condition," Hikari lifted her chin, her demeanor regal.

"Ok, anything."

"You kiss me like you did in front of the café more often," her bearing slipped a little, showing signs of playfulness.

His blush was its own reward for her, "W-well…I c-could try."

The playfulness overtook everything else, "Oh?" She let her eyes go wide and innocent, aware of what it did to him, "Is it so hard to contemplate, _Shinji_?" The purr thrilled him visibly, "Kissing me? In public? Where everyone can see how I belong to you?"

"Y-you don't belong to me," he swallowed, his mouth becoming increasingly moist as desire crawled in. "You're…uhm, you're your own woman." He felt her hand begin to trail along his abs, "I-I sh-"

"Uh-uh," Hikari whispered, slowly shaking her head. "I belong to you, Shinji Ikari." The twin hazel portals to her soul sucked him in, "Not because you claimed me, not because you earned me, but because I have chosen to give myself to you." She snaked her arms around his waist, "For as long as you're the kind of man worthy of owning me, I'm yours."

"H-Hikari," he shivered, "y-you're making this h-hard to…uhm…."

"I want to take another step tonight, Shinji," she pressed on, heedless of his concerns. She needed this. She wanted this. It wasn't everything, but it was progress. "I want to sleep in your bed, with you." When he went to speak she tutted, "Uh-uh, we'll only go as far as you're comfortable going. But I want you to see, to feel, that everything I am is yours for the taking." _He won't understand. He doesn't know that I'm the one who's terrified of not being enough for him._ She closed her eyes, taking a fortifying breath, "That you don't have to look elsewhere for anything." _There. I admitted it. Kind of._

"L-look…w-what?" _Stupid_ blinking _stammer!_ "Hikari, why…no, I'm not lo-"

"I know," she interrupted tersely. "I know you're not. But that hasn't stopped it from being thrust before you every time I turn around. I know, deep down in my heart of hearts know, that you will never stray willingly. But that doesn't stop me from being afraid of…of…of a woman coming along and putting you in a situation that makes you feel like you have to stay with her forever because she took advantage of you." Leaning her forehead against his chest, she groaned, "You're everything I've ever wanted, Shinji. I'd marry you right here, right now, if it meant you'd be mine forever. But that wouldn't be fair to you. You don't know what you want out of life, and I can't force you to do what I want. I have to let you choose what you want to be."

"Hikari…."

"All I'm asking is one night, just hold me in your arms. Like a trial run, you know? Practice. See what it would be like, falling asleep with me, waking up with me there," she looked back up to him, desperate hope in her eyes. "I promise, Shinji, I can be fun. I'm willing, _eager_ , to do things wi-"

Tired of being the one to constantly be interrupted, Shinji turned the tables and pressed his finger lightly across her lips. _This is my fault._ "You don't have to worry, Hikari." _I have to make this better, or what good is it for me to be with her?_ "I won't do anything with any other women. I may not be a Horaki, but I know the value of keeping a promise. I promised myself I would try harder when I came here, to make friends, to be a good person. So I promise you, I belong to the Horaki household. Unless it's to stop the Angels, I won't do any more…tactically unwise things." He winced, "That sounds so silly when I say it, but Suzuki-san makes it sound perfect."

Nipping his fingertip lightly, she freed her lips up, "Do you mean it?" _Please, mean it._

"I accepted a responsibility when I moved into your home, Hikari. And when I jumped in front of that train, I failed at keeping it." He took her in, the glorious beauty he never thought he'd have a chance with, "You, Kodama, Nozomi…I belong to you three. I can't say in what way, because…you're right. I don't know what's going to happen, I don't know what I want, what I need to do. But I do know I've never felt more like I belong somewhere than with you in my life. I can't imagine anyone else being as patient with me as you three have been. I don't deserve you, but I don't get to choose for you, do I?"

"No, you don't," she could feel her eyes tearing up. "If I have my way, Shinji, you're mi…you're ours. Forever and ever." The moment was nearly perfect, the words she'd wanted to hear delivered with utter sincerity. It wasn't an undying declaration of love, but expecting that from him would be 'tactically unwise' as he had put it. He would, in his own time, come to understand his own emotions and, from there, be able to articulate them to her. If only her head didn't have that dull ache, everything would be as she wanted it to be.

+++++ 4th Angel + 4 : Monday (25)

"That was really nice of you, Shinji," Kodama hugged his head from behind, as he sat on the couch watching Hikari and Nozomi work to test the method of connecting the little lady's sloth to the wireless network. Resting her cheek on the top of his head, she sighed, "The whole situation with Sakura is so irritating. There's something wrong with her lumbar spinal column, and they're not doing everything they can, I think."

"Why wouldn't they?" Shinji reached down into the bag again, pulling out the t-shirt he'd purchased for her. Her habit of wearing cropped shirts in the morning, while providing an appealing view, was something he didn't want to promote. "I thought this would look nice on you," raising it up, he tilted his head to the side enough that he could see her, without smearing his face across things he ought not to, "I was going to buy it for myself, the size they had it in is big enough to fit me, but then I thought about how you like wearing shirts in the morning."

"Aww," she leaned down and gave him a warm kiss, "thank you, hun." Twisting over the back of the couch, she laid her back across his lap and looked at the shirt while she talked, "I think it's a function of cost and lack of specialists. The hospital she's at doesn't have a full staff, and they don't have enough money to aggressively manage someone with her case. If she was in Tokyo-2, maybe, I've heard good things about the pediatric orthopedics clinics there at Matsumoto General. But here? I doubt she'll walk again, sometimes."

"And she can't go there, because her father's here," Shinji pieced the last of it together. He frowned thoughtfully, unaware of Kodama sliding his hand onto her stomach, "I…maybe I could talk to Ritsuko-San. She's not likely to be a, what was it? Child bone doctor?" Unconsciously he began to lightly work his fingers in a petting motion, still focused on a way to fix the issue at hand. "Maybe she can offer guidance, though. Could you hand me my phone?"

Breathlessly, she fumbled for the phone, nearly dropping it before she handed it to him, "Absolutely." She could lay like she was for days, the musician's touch he used sparked a flame within her, and she simply clutched the shirt against her chest with one arm and toyed with his knee with her other hand. She'd have an enjoyable time tonight, after she'd gone to bed.

"I'll send her a text," he muttered, typing with one hand. Completely absorbed in how he was going to phrase his request for the bottle-blonde's time, he was blissfully unaware of his actions with Kodama, or the effect that those actions was having on the nurse-in-training. "It's a little late to be calling about non-work matters, and I don't want her to think she's unappreciated."

The memory of the odd doctor looming over Shinji's face popped into Kodama's mind, interrupting her ecstasy. "Shinji," she stuffed all of her desire into a sack and tied it off for the moment, "Have you noticed anything…odd, we'll say, about how Akagi-san acts around you?"

"Mmm?" He finished his query to the doctor and shook his head slowly, "No…she's usually a little distracted while I'm talking to her, that's all. We had that one swim lesson, but she cancelled any further sessions after teaching me enough to float. I've been kind of afraid that she's upset with me, somehow. The way she looked at me in the pool…."

Alarm klaxons sounded in Kodama's mind, "How did she look at you?"

"I don't know how to describe it," he shrugged with one shoulder. "It was like she needed something, like I was supposed to do something and I wasn't doing it. It's…." He looked over to the other side of the room where Hikari and Nozomi were animatedly chatting, "It confused me." He dropped his voice to a whisper, "She's a very attractive woman, and while I'd never do anything about it, I was a little distracted while we were both there in swimsuits. I focused solely on her eyes, to stop myself from looking where I shouldn't, so I can't really explain what I didn't have the presence of mind to assess. She was probably just angry that I was hesitating to get in the water."

"Has she ever…." She hesitated to go into full detail of her concerns, as Shinji still had to work with the woman. "Are you nervous about anything she's asked you to do?"

"She wanted to do a test without any clothing in Unit-01," Shinji chortled, "I was more than a little nervous about that."

"She what?!" Kodama's surprise ratcheted up her volume, drawing the attention of the room's other two occupants. Moderating her tone, she pressed the point, "Why on Earth would she do that?"

"Because the plugsuit interferes with synchronization," Shinji made a mollifying gesture. "When she changed my plugsuit, my sync rate jumped. It more or less proved her point."

"Oh," Hikari groaned. "Are you telling her about me fainting?" The Class Rep hugged the toy sloth she was holding, checking that the opposing sloth lit up in response. "That's not your fault, Shinji. I just wasn't ready to see you like that, that day."

"Fainting?" Kodama looked back at her sister, "When did you faint?"

"I forgot to tell her about my new plugsuit," Shinji interjected to deflect the blame onto himself. "When she saw me the first time in one, it was the older blue and white model. The new one, after…everything…well, it's a lot more…uhm…."

"He looks so unbelievably hot in it, Kodama, I wasn't ready for it." Hikari tittered, "Like an absolute world-class runway model. You could _almost_ see everything, and just…wow." She handed the sloth she was holding to Nozomi, "Ritsuko-san explained the need to me while I was waiting for him to finish the test, it has to do with the electromagnetic emissions he has and Unit-01 picking up on them."

Shinji nodded, concurring with the explanation, "It's…kind of embarrassing, but if we don't wear them then we can't sync as well with the Evas. It's better than piloting nude, again," he grimaced. "I'm very sorry, Kodama, that you had to see that."

"I'm a nurse, hun," she reached up and stroked his face gently. "You were, at that point in time, a patient. A patient I care dearly for, but still a patient. In my training I've seen some very…unpleasant things. If everyone looked like you did, I wouldn't mind one bit."

Nozomi hopped up, hurrying over and flouncing atop Kodama to appeal to Shinji, "Can we go and visit Sakura-chan tomorrow?"

"I think I'm supposed to be studying," he apologized. "Hikari made me promise, after having today off."

"Nee-san," Nozomi squirmed as Kodama began to tickle her. "You could study on the trolley, we have to give this to Sakura-chan!" Rolling free from Kodama, abandoning the stuffed sloth, she clambered up atop Shinji's shoulders and tucked her legs through his arms behind his back to protect her feet.

"Perhaps a compromise?" Shinji took Kodama's hands in his to stop her from pursuing the tickle-attack as he looked towards his girlfriend, "I'll…uhm…I'll agree to your request from earlier today. In exchange, we go up and visit for a short time with Sakura-chan." He swallowed, his nerves screaming at him that he was going to be beaten within centimeters of his life. He was-

"Done," Hikari chirped, coughing when she realized that she was acting as eager as she suddenly felt. "I think that's an excellent compromise," she recovered her dignity as best she could and laid her hands in her lap, smiling as if nothing was wrong, "Why don't you get ready for bed, Nozomi. We'll leave around nine, that should put us there around the time she's done with breakfast."

"Yay!" The youngest Horaki hugged Shinji's head, "Thank you, nii-san!" A bright smile and a mop of chestnut-colored hair dropped into view, "I hope whatever it is you agreed to do isn't too bad." Rolling off the back of the couch, she grabbed the sloths and dashed for the staircase, waving them wildly as she ran.

Watching Nozomi madly scramble for the upstairs, Kodama kept Shinji from withdrawing his hands, pulling them down to her chest. "And what, pray tell, have you just agreed to?" She raised an eyebrow at him as he clamped his mouth shut, then slowly sat up, twisting their arms to pull him into a tight hold, "Sister dear, care to expound?"

Leaning to the side to view the staircase, reassuring herself that her younger sister was now out of earshot, Hikari sat back and gave her elder sister a vulpine grin, "Oh, nothing you need to worry about. Just my boyfriend taking a small step forward, is all."

"Give," Kodama pulled Shinji's back tighter against her front, "or I won't let him go."

"Why Ko-Ko," Hikari let her eyes glitter mirthfully, "I thought you wanted Shinji and I to spend more time in his bedroom. Aren't you happy that he's offering to step out of his comfort zone?" Letting the contentment she felt flow out, she shrugged and admitted the truth, "He and I are going to sleep together in his futon. _Sleep_ , as in fall unconscious."

Kodama's expression remained veiled, "You…." The lithe nurse kissed Shinji's neck, "Be careful, ok? No pushing yourself further than you want to go." Slowly disentangling herself, she looked archly at Hikari, "And you, I want a few words with you upstairs while you get what you need." Standing, she moved to head to her room, hooking her finger towards Hikari.

"I'll be in your room in a few minutes," Hikari paused to lean down and hug her boyfriend. "Thank you. For…just thank you."

Shinji watched as the last of the women he lived with moved up the staircase. _Am I really doing this?_ He looked down at the table, and found no answers to the question laying there.

+++++ 4th Angel + 4 : Monday (25)

Hikari walked into Kodama's room with a happy grin, "He did it, Kodama. I don't know what changed between yesterday and today, but he-" She paused as she saw her sister's solemn mien, "What's wrong?" Taking her traditional seat on the small night table, she switched gears to match the mood in the room.

"I was talking to him earlier, before I screwed up and spoke louder than I intended to," the eldest Horaki Sister hated to talk behind Shinji's back, but the situation was too important to risk messing things up. "Long story short, I get the feeling that Akagi-san is eyeing Shinji. When I first visited him in the hospital, after they let him into the ward, I left the room for a second to get a bed bath ready." She paused, again, contemplating how to properly share her concern.

"A bed bath," Hikari puzzled at the term. "You mean… _you washed Shinji?!_ "

"Of course I did," Kodama's lip curled up in annoyance, "you think I was going to trust his health to anybody else there?" She waved off the matter, "Hikari, I've seen all of Shinji. It's not a big deal, he wasn't awake, I didn't enjoy the experience sexually, nothing happened that hasn't happened with all manner of patients. The point is, I saw Akagi-san leaning over him, looking a little too close to be doing anything medical."

"You…wait," she shook her head, "too many things. One, what do you mean when you specify 'sexually', and two, Ritsuko-san is his guardian. Why would she want to hurt him?"

"Focus, Hiki," Kodama snapped. "I didn't say 'hurt him' I said she was leaning too close to him. As in face first over his face. What do people typically do when they're face-to-face with someone?"

"She…no," Hikari sat back, "I can't see her doing anything like that, Ko-Ko. She all but exploded at Misato for even joking about 'putting Shinji through the paces', couldn't she have been…I don't know, checking his breathing? I mean, there has to be an explanation." Her expression conveyed adequately that the information she was receiving was dubious. She couldn't believe for a minute that the bottle-blonde was making moves on Shinji, it would be professionally disastrous, not to mention legally and ethically dangerous.

"Just be careful, ok? I've sent a request to Uncle Kozo, I want him to check the security footage. I'm starting to worry that Shinji's abuse has continued, and I don't want you climbing his maypole unaware that he might have hang-ups about this from other corners." She sighed, "He needs a gentle touch, Hiki. Just…be cautious."

"You need to make up your mind," Hikari growled. "First you push me and him into bed, now you're telling me to be cautious and not push him. You recommended that I talk to Ritsuko-san about interning, and now you're telling me that she's after Shinji because she was in an odd position? You're making it rather hard to believe everything you're saying, Kodama, you're making me think that you really are speaking out of jealousy."

Sucking in the side of her mouth and flexing her jaw, the eldest Horaki glared daggers at her sister, "Of course I'm jealous. You have been gifted something wonderful, something I'll never receive. What you're missing, Hikari, is that I'm also consistently honest. You have enough enemies outside of the house, you _do not_ want to start making them inside of it. I have been on your side since the start of this relationship between you two, I am still on your side right now. You want to ignore my advice? Fine. But when something horrible happens, don't expect me to mollycoddle you. Now get out."

Hikari stood, full of anger and confusion, "I-"

Kodama wanted none of it, " _Out!_ " Gaining her own feet, the oldest Horaki Sister made it very obvious that one way or another her sister would leave her room. Pointing her finger towards the door, she simply stated, "Three." When Hikari hesitated, she raised her eyebrows, "Two."

"Fine." Hikari turned on her toes and stormed out of the room. _I don't need this nonsense. I have that 'something wonderful' waiting for_ me _downstairs in his bedroom. You can just stay up here and stew in it._ The only thing that held her tongue was a desire to not get into a knock-down drag-out fight before going to be with her boyfriend. Her sister may be older, but that didn't make her right. _…Right?_

+++++ 4th Angel + 4 : Monday (25)

"I don't understand," Maya slumped forward over the table, rolling her glass of beer around to make the liquid dance within. "I mean, I know she's going to have to find someone else to replace me, but she never acted like I was indispensable. She rarely ever praised me, or punished me. She certainly never…." She blew her hair out of her face, "Never mind."

"She never what?" Misato found herself in an oddly sympathetic mood, the younger woman drawing her protective instincts out, "We're here to clear the air, Maya. Believe me, I can talk all night about the crap that woman has put me through." Drinking half of her sixth glass in a single go, she rolled her hand in an encouraging gesture, "I'm all ears, I promise you I'm on your side here."

The newest Captain gazed thoughtfully at the beautiful woman she was bonding with. Misato was, by any measure of the term, attractive. Powerfully attractive. Insanely attractive. Make your mouth among other things water attractive. But she also wasn't the fastest to pick up on subtle interpersonal clues, and she wore that crucifix. "I'm not in the habit of…sharing this kind of stuff."

"I understand," Misato nodded easily. "But I won't blab, and I won't poke fun at you." Knocking back the other half of her glass, she signaled the nearby waitress, "Would it help if I shared some embarrassing stuff first?" The sincerity of her offer shone from her eyes, "Like the time I let Ritsuko talk me into a three-way with the man I thought might have been the one?" She laughed and rolled her eyes, "If I ever see _that_ creep again, it'll be too soon. Probably sleeping with half of NERV Germany."

"You…with…no!" Maya gasped, covering her mouth, "You didn't?!" She watched the weary server approach with another three glasses of beer. "Did you?"

"Yep," she winked at the waitress in thanks. "Does that help explain why she and I have always been so grabby? Once you've done something like that with someone, it kind of blows the doors off of prudish norms." Gesturing to her tablemate's cup, she motioned for her to drink, "C'mon, you're falling behind here. I don't expect you to keep up with me pint for pint, but you need to at least make an effort."

Draining her entire glass in one go, the former Lieutenant coughed as the last bit went down slightly askew, "S-sorry," she turned to the side and covered her mouth as she tried to force the stray liquid back into the right tube. "Wrong pipe."

"That's the spirit," Misato knocked back one of her glasses, sliding another over to her new partner in crime. "So, what was it that Ritsuko never did? I promise, no judgements here. We're all equals, we're all friends."

"Sh-she," a few more coughs set her right enough to try again, "sorry. She never picked up the hint that I was…interested." Picking up her new beer and taking a slower drink, she avoided looking at Misato while she waited for the response she feared.

"That's not shocking," the violet-haired bombshell snorted. "There were a lot of guys interested in her back in the Academy that she never picked up on either. For as intelligent as she is, she sucks at reading intent." Rocking her head side-to-side, she hummed, "Though, to be honest, I think you could do better. She's really distant, even to me. I think science will always be her first and only true love. Kind of tragic when you consider that she's not a bad looking woman, she's very smart, and she can actually be a good person when she doesn't have a log cabin installed in her ass."

Maya blinked rapidly, not having expected such a non-reaction. "There's not many people better than Sempai," she muttered. Drinking another half of her beer, she sighed, "It's not like there's a whole host of women to date, either."

"So you're a one-way kinda gal?" Misato nodded, her lip curling in commiseration, "I guess that would be kind of rough, we're in a male-dominated organization. Most of the ladies that work around us have their pick of the litter, so to speak."

"What about you?" Maya wobbled slightly, "Why don't you have someone? You're pretty, you're far smarter than you let on, and you're fun to be around when you're not being a bitch to Shinji." She gasped, "Oops! Sorry, about that last one…."

"No, no," Misato chuckled mirthlessly, "we're clearing the air. You're right, I was kind of a cunt to him. I'd hope, though, you've seen that I'm trying to make amends?" She smiled hopefully, clearly eager for an outside perspective.

"Yeah," the tipsy Captain nodded slowly. "You have a hard place to handle...wait. That didn't make sense." Frowning, she scrunched her face up in concentration, "Your position does not make it easy on you, when it comes to interacting with him. You can't get too close, or you might hesitate to do what's necessary in combat. But you can't get too far away, either, or you lose his respect. He's…gentle."

"He's a good kid," Misato agreed. "I hope he and Hikari work out, he needs someone who'll provide him with direction and lift him up instead of just riding him and abusing his generosity."

"It doesn't hurt that she's very cute," Maya giggled. "He's pretty lucky to have walked into his classroom at the right moment, don't you think?"

"Better her than certain other ladies in his proximity," Misato stared off into space. "I got a report today that Ayanami kissed him while he was out w-"

"She did not!" Maya slammed her beer down, then set the glass aside, "She came to me yesterday asking what men her age found 'fun', said that she had heard that Shinji wasn't having any fun and she wanted to make sure he had fun…." She hiccupped, "I might be drunk."

"Two beers, eh?" The violet-haired Captain shook her head ruefully, "I'll have to help you work on that, I think." Knocking back her own she sighed, "I don't think we need to worry, Shinji was by all accounts horrified it had happened. But one of us needs to have a chat with her, help her understand that she shouldn't push this whole 'master and slave' fetish she's developing."

"Yeah," Maya's head bobbed, "Shinji doesn't enjoy inflicting pain, even if the other person wants it I bet." She paused, her face drooping, "Why doesn't Ritsuko like me?"

"It's…." Misato looked down, "I don't know, Maya. She's not acting like the woman I know, and you didn't deserve to bear whatever problems she's dealing with. Let's just focus on what we're dealing with, and hope that when she's ready she comes and talks to one of us."

+++++ 4th Angel + 4 : Monday (25)

Ritsuko's phone chirped, interrupting her reverie. Were it not for the specific ringtone, her reaction to the distraction might have been a great deal more violent than it was. "Mmm, and what do you need from me now, Shinji?" Scooping up her phone with her right hand, her left still attending to its tasks, she smiled as she began to read. The young man was the lone bright spot in her life, even with as…distracting as he could be.

'Ritsuko, I hope you're recovering. I heard that something happened while I was unconscious, and am sorry that I wasn't there to help you with whatever it was. Thank you for doing what you could to help me recover, myself, if there's something I can do, or make for you, to show my gratitude please let me know. Maybe more of that soup? Anyway, you're probably busy, so I'll get to the point. There is a young girl, Sakura Suzuhara, who was injured during the Third Angel's attack, who is a friend of Nozomi-chan (Hikari's younger sister, but you probably knew that), she's been in the local hospital since the attack and isn't showing signs of recovery according to Kodama-san. I was hoping that you might either take a look at her, or know someone that might help. I'll do whatever you need or want me to do if you can, I feel responsible for her well-being. Please be well yourself, - Shinji Ikari'

"Whatever I want, hmm?" _Take him swimming. Mark him. He will worship you, venerate you._ Closing the text, she grinned, "He really should just write e-mails. He doesn't do 'terse'." She dialed the number for the only hospital she knew in Tokyo-3 outside of NERV, the director there owed her a few favors. "Futaba-san, good evening. I was wondering if I might pick your brain for a bit."

+++++ 4th Angel + 4 : Monday (25)

Shinji was sitting in his room, practicing plucking on his cello to pass the time while he waited for Hikari. It wasn't a complex task, but it kept his hands busy and his mind from dwelling on the fact that he had an unreasonably attractive woman stripping in his bathroom. Sure, she was going to come out wearing clothing, but he shouldn't be thinking about her in that way. Asuka's voice made that abundantly clear.

"Shinji," Hikari's voice, gentle and soft, drowned out Asuka's ranting with a power stronger than thunder, "I just saw a stain on my shirt. Could I maybe borrow the one you're wearing? That should be enough." Leaning out of the bathroom, her naked upper torso displayed to just before her ample gifts, she smiled pleadingly at him, "I wouldn't want to have to get dressed again just to go back upstairs, after all."

His mind shut off to protect itself. Acting on autopilot, he set the cello aside and pulled his nightly shirt off, stepping over and handing it to her with his eyes heavenward. A small fragment of his consciousness was chanting that he currently had no shirt on, that he was being perverted, that he needed to turn around and face away from the young woman before him. "Shirt," he offered the object to her.

"Thank you," she took the shirt, then sighed quietly as she slid the door closed once more.

Keeping his head reclined, Shinji's mind slowly spooled back up. That small glimpse of the forbidden lands was almost more than he could handle. It was far more…powerful, meaningful, whatever descriptor he could think of, than seeing Rei exit the bathroom without a care. That memory began to ache in his craw, the knowledge that she didn't know he knew what she looked like under all of her clothing. Or, at least, knew what a younger version of her looked like. That Hikari didn't know he'd seen Rei was a festering boil that no lance could pierce. How did he tell her when the woman in question wasn't the woman that experienced the violation?

He sat heavily at his desk, his mind carrying on down along the dark paths it preferred. There was no relief but to tell her that he had travelled through time. If he did that, he risked his father discovering and ripping everything from his life. It wasn't just his life that would be overturned, Hikari, Kodama, even little Nozomi would be 'debriefed'. They would be used to drive him insane, to force Rei to kill him. It was all his fault. This was his punishment, his burden to bear forevermore. He had to leave, had to stop the bleeding, this-

"Stop," Hikari's arms wrapped around his head, gently enveloping him in warmth. "Whatever it is that you think you've done, whatever it is that you think is hurting me, stop."

He noticed, finally, that he had been shivering where he sat. That he had lost touch with the world around him and the passage of time. His body quaking, his breaths irregular and ragged, it wasn't until she had hugged him close that he recognized the panic attack for what it was. He swallowed, trying to get an apology, an explanation, something to come out, but nothing came.

"It's ok," combing her fingers through his hair, she began to pet him. Slow, soft strokes. "I know you have things in your past that you can't explain, that you can't express to me. I don't care. You'll tell me when you're ready, and if you're never ready, I'll love you just as much." Swinging her leg over his, she sat astride his thighs and looked along his face, "You owe me no apologies, Shinji. Whatever was done to you, whatever you did, you're not there anymore. You're here, you're with me, and that means more to me than any words ever would, or could."

Her hands soothed along his chest, the feel of her velvet touch against his skin doing wonders to calm him once more. She glowed where she sat, her head occluding the ceiling lamp in a way that limned her in a magnificent cascade of bright white light. Feeling weak and in need of succor he reached up, wanting to be closer to her glory, to know the peace she offered from her throne, "So beautiful," he whispered. She clasped his hand to her cheek, her smile washing across his soul with molten light. "I'm so sorry for what I've done," he felt the tears begin to roll down his face, "I didn't mean for it to happen. I never meant to put you in danger."

Ignorant of the impetus for his contrition, she ran her thumb along his cheeks. "Shhh," she held her smile in place. He was healing, slowly. The wounds had to drain before he could be whole again, and this was just part of the process. Kodama was wrong, he didn't need a 'gentle touch', he needed to be shown that it was all right to let go. "Everything will be all right." Slipping his hand behind her, she pressed herself against him and began to kiss him tenderly. There was no hormonal drive, no implementation of her desires; she instead offered him harbor from his fears. Sitting back, she touched her nose to his, "Let's go lay down. You'll see, everything will be all right."

Shinji nodded, numb and tired. If this was what she wanted, it would be what she received. He lifted her easily, even from his position beneath her, carrying her to the futon and laying her down. "Where do you want to be? Closer to the wall, or the door?" Anything for her. _Everything_ for her.

"Whatever you want, Shinji." When he looked rapidly between where she was and the wall, she could feel the indecision radiating from him, "This is for you, just as much as it is for me, right?" _You can do it, Shinji. It's a small choice, you can do it!_

Slowly, as if he was wary of setting off an attack by a superior predator, he crawled around her to the place between where she sat and the wall. "I-is this ok?" Everything about him screamed that he was ready to leap elsewhere if she so much as frowned, "Y-you might need to get to the bathroom in the middle of the night."

"It's fine," she nodded encouragingly. _You also might need to get to the bathroom, my silly Shinji._ Slipping under the covers, she thrilled as his eyes lingered on her exposed legs. _Even when he's tearing himself apart, he finds me attractive. There needs to be a way I can use this._ Working her torso around so she laid on her right side, facing away from him, she called back over her shoulder, "Would you hold me?"

"I…uhm," he settled himself behind her, atop the covers.

"Shinji," she fought to keep her tone soothing, "I mean under the blanket, with me. It's ok, nobody else is here, it's just the two of us. Whoever she is, whatever she was, she's not in here with us. She'll _never_ be in here with us."

Shifting back, he crept into bed, then froze.

Hikari counted slowly to five, giving him time to adjust to where he was, then scooted back quickly so that she lay sheltered before him. Reaching back and guiding his hand to her stomach, she wove the fingers of her left hand into his and held it there, "See? Everything's fine." _He's going to be nervous, I need to talk him back down._ "So I was thinking that maybe tomorrow we could take some ice cream up with the sloth. Sakura's birthday happened while you were unconscious, and it would be nice to make this something of a birthday gift, don't you think?"

Several minutes passed with her speaking to him as if this were an everyday occurrence, Shinji slowly relaxing as he answered more and more 'small talk' questions. It took several more minutes before he noticed that she had moved his hand to between her breasts, all the while maintaining the dialogue as if it were of no moment. "Hikari," he whispered, "I'm…touching you."

"You are," she didn't even break stride. "It's really nice, feeling your hand there. Knowing that you think I'm attractive, that you want to hold me." Swishing her hips a little, she giggled, "It's fine, Shinji. I want you to touch me, I _need_ you to touch me."

"M-maybe…you're sure?" He chided himself mentally, "Of course you're sure. You're always certain." Opening his hand up a little, he gently cupped her, cradling her as if she were a fragile sculpture of spun glass.

 _Small steps,_ Hikari reminded herself. Taking his hand more firmly, she squeezed it around her breast, "See? Everything's just fine," she took a deep breath, rubbing his hand. "Isn't it nice? Holding me like this?" _Please let it be nice._

"It's…." He laughed quietly, "It's scary. I keep expecting someone to yell at me. To tell me I'm being perverted, that I'm-"

"You're not," she uttered, her lips tight. "Shinji, please listen to me," rolling over so that she faced him, she took his head in her hands and tilted it down to look at her. "There. Is. Nobody. But. Us." Pausing to let that sink in, she kept her eyes locked on his, "Anyone, and I mean _anyone_ , that tells you what we're doing here is wrong, or perverted, or that you're abusing me, I want you to tell me. Because I will ruin their day. I am the one who chose to let you do this, you are accountable to _nobody_ but me, in this."

"B-but," he felt her hands clench and stopped.

She gave him a level look, "No." She slowly relaxed her grasp, "Do you, _you_ , not want to hold me? Not because of what you think someone else might say or do, but because you don't want to?" She braced herself, ready to leave the room if he answered in the way she dreaded.

"I-I want to," he nodded eagerly, "I just…the voice is so loud, Hikari." Clenching his eyes shut, he braced himself for the trouble he was about to bring on himself, "Her voice is just too loud."

Shoving him onto his back, Hikari moved astride his waist and looked calmly down at him, "Then I guess I just need to be louder." Taking his hands and placing them on her breasts, she inhaled a deep breath and began to sing, spiritedly:

"If I can get one wish

To come true right now, I want a pair of wings

Please grant me white wings

On my back like a bird

"In this huge sky I wanna

Spread my wings and fly

Towards the free sky without any sadness

I wanna flap my wings

And go

"I still dream of those things

That I've dreamed about when I was little

"In this huge sky I wanna

Spread my wings and fly

Towards the free sky without any sadness

I wanna flap my wings

"In this huge sky I wanna

Spread my wings and fly

Towards the free sky without any sadness

I wanna flap my wings

And go"

Shinji was beyond impressed. His girlfriend had a beautiful singing voice, a trait that he had never once heard her exercise, either in the time before or the current time around, "Th-that's amazing, Hikari!" He laughed, "You sound so…it's breathtaking!" His hands as forgotten as his worries, he smiled in wonder up at his girlfriend.

"You…like my singing?" She blinked, "I can never get a good score on the karaoke machines, I thought I was terrible. I just started singing now because it was the loudest thing I could do short of screaming." Her cheeks blushed a soft rose-color, "I'm really not that good."

"You're fantastic," Shinji squeezed his hands unconsciously as his thoughts traveled down potential ways to hear her sing again, drawing a subtle moan from his girlfriend. "I know of a few songs, for the cello, that are typically accompanied by a vocalist. I'd love to work with you on them if it meant hearing you sing more often!"

 _Music._ Everything clicked into place in Hikari's mind, _He is keyed to music!_ Sliding down his body to lay against his chest, she grinned up at him, "Why don't we do just that, Shinji. I'll learn whatever songs you need me to, and we'll make beautiful music together."

"Th-that's a euphemism," he blushed. "It means…."

"I know what it means, silly," Hikari kissed his chest. "I wouldn't mind doing either, and one day, you won't mind. But for now," she rolled back off of him, "I would like it if my boyfriend held me while we slept." As she twisted to lay on her side facing away from him, she was pleasantly surprised by his arm going around her waist, "Thank you, Shinji." She sighed contentedly, "I love you."

He swallowed, then whispered softly, "I…I love you too."

Her breath caught, and for a second she contemplated rolling over and mounting him then and there. Willpower won over desire, and she accepted her victory for the magnificent gift it was. For the first time, her boyfriend had said what she desperately craved to hear. It would be a good night.


	23. Chapter 23

+++++ 4th Angel + 5 : Tuesday (26)

The soft buzz of his phone was the first thing Shinji noticed on waking. _Practice_ , he mentally noted. Moving forward to get off the bed, he felt resistance that wasn't normally there, followed by a soft moan and sigh. _Hikari!_ Cursing himself for a fool, he carefully backed up and tugged his arm free of her grasp. Cautiously crawling around her, he made it to the bathroom and practiced the skills he had gained living with Misato. A shallow bath to wash off the night, brushing his teeth with little water, and dressing in silence. Creeping out of the room towards the front door, he only exhaled once he was outside and waiting for his instructors.

"Shinji-san," Gen greeted him with a cordial smile. "We have something new to train you in today."

Shinji had a sudden urge to duck, narrowly avoiding a foam-pad-tipped arrow that bounced off the door behind him, "Gah!"

The stout man before him smiled, amused and impressed in equal measure, "I would recommend running to the park."

What followed was several hours of constant stress for the Third Child. Sprinting from place to place, taking cover where he could find it and dashing to the next when he felt the tingling sensation which preceded an arrow that he would barely manage to dodge. As he came within sight of his destination, he saw Raffle standing there waiting for him. Hesitating to approach, knowing that he was being actively targeted by things that would hurt to be hit with, he felt a subtle change in the threat that terrified him. Raffle was in danger, and he needed to move faster. Active thought was left behind as he flowed towards her, a rushing river let free from the dam restraining it.

"Hey, Pala _-woomph_ ," Shinji reached her and collapsed the breath from her lungs by wrapping himself around her to protect her from the arrow he knew was coming. He felt the first shaft strike him in the back of the head, another in his spine, and two more around his kidneys. The strikes weren't painful, they were hardly even noticeable, they did however leave a very definite impression that was quickly confirmed by his instructor.

"You're dead," Suzuki called from the roof of a nearby shelter. "Was she worth it?"

Shinji stood, still holding Noelle close to his body in case he had to act again. Shaking his head in frustration, he looked up at the man that had been chasing him, "She didn't know it was coming, Suzuki-san. You aimed at her intentionally, and I wasn't going to let her take harm when I'm the reason she's in danger."

"Oi!" Raffle batted at his hand until he let go of her shoulder, "No." Turning to face him fully, she cocked her hips to the side, bracing one hand on her waist and wagging her finger at him admonishingly, "You are the most important pilot in the Corps, and make no mistake! If I'm the bait, you'd best not bite the hook, understand me? I'm just as much a fighter as you, and if my life is the cost of success then that's the way it is."

"The lesson sounds familiar," Gen intoned from the entrance to the park. "Where might we have heard it before, Shinji-san?" He gestured to the diminutive pilot, "The words may be different, but the song's the same, a man cannot risk death to save one when one thousand rely on him. The cost should you die is incalculable, and yet you refuse to put into practice what you know to be true."

"Thank you for your cooperation, Minders-san," Suzuki bowed politely. "I believe that the lesson for today is over, should you have else you need to do."

"You," Raffle reached up and grabbed Shinji's shirt, pulling him down face to face, "I catch you actin' a fool again an' I'll kick ye in the nadges meself, clear?" She waited for him to nod rapidly then kissed his cheek, "Good man. Keep tomorrow evenin' free, we're drinkin'." Patting his cheek firmly, she let him go and waved to the two men, "Enjoy yer trainin' lads. I'm off to fly."

Gen bowed politely as the woman passed, then turned back to face Shinji, "Her Japanese is abominable, but her point is beyond reproach. You must begin as you intend to continue, Shinji-san. There is no worse position to be in than the one you occupy, to be certain, but there is no 'second chance' anymore. We are without a safety net, and that means every stunt you pull could very well carry all of us over the edge of the abyss."

"You have good instincts," Suzuki hopped off the building, landing softly on the ground below. "You listen to them, and you succeed at an early stage where any other novice I've trained would fail. You sense the attacks coming, your body reacts reflexively. These are assets, but they must be tempered."

"I…I also see the pain someone else will experience," Shinji put what had been left unsaid out in the open, "which means that those very reflexes could send me on a course for trouble." His emotions flitted across his face, denial, anger, anxiety, sorrow, "I-I can't, I can't just…look the other way!" His hands clenched and released rhythmically, "It…."

"It is not your life, which you live," Gen countered gently. "No matter what tragedies life has inflicted upon you in the past, you will never find redemption or solace in the salvation of random strangers." The stout man's face was set, even if his tone was soothing. "Your calling is far higher than saving one or two lives."

Suzuki leaned on his longbow, "You think of yourself as a pawn, Ikari. You need to regard yourself as a king."

"A king?" Shinji scoffed, "If I was a king, I'd have an army. I'd have people I could ask to save others. I'm one boy, I answer to others, not the reverse!" Scowling, he flipped his ponytail back into place, "Who would possibly be interested in following an idiot child like me?"

"You are no boy, Shinji-san." Gen's statement had a ring of finality to it, "You may not yet be fully grown, but you bear burdens no boy could ever begin to comprehend. I have seen you act with dignity, with courage, and with compassion. These are not the traits of a child, but of a man. Young, certainly, but still a man."

Suzuki tilted his head to the side, "You certainly draw an army around you, for someone who is not a king." He held up a finger, "This blue-haired whelp, she seems eager to do whatever you ask." Another finger raised, "Your Guardians, as inaptly named a group as any, fairly jump at your beck and call." A third finger, "Your classmates have rallied in your absence, making," a fourth finger, "the Horaki's lives easier. Hikari-chan may not wish to mention it, but she has had an easier time in your absence than she's ever had before in class. Nozomi-chan and Kodama-chan willingly perform tasks that you desire. Toshiro-san has set us," a fifth, "to training you, the Shirakami to protecting you, and himself to raising you to be more than you believe yourself capable of being."

"Ask, Shinji-san," Gen squeezed Shinji's shoulder tight. "There are those around you that will aid you in your desire to see the world made better." He leaned forward slightly, looking up at the taller youth, "They cannot do what they do not know you wish for. Trust that the cohort you keep is just as interested in doing what you perceive to be 'right', and give them the opportunity to do good deeds in your stead. You don't seek glory, and there is no shame to be faced in allowing others to have it in your name."

+++++ 4th Angel + 5 : Tuesday (26)

"This is a troubling development," SEELE-04 intoned. The vaguely feminine voice seemed irritated more than troubled. "We are not meant to become actively involved in the prophecies." Her lightly-French-accented Japanese indicated a likely Vietnamese heritage, "The long term repercussions could be catastrophic."

"Neither are we to be summarily murdered by other members of this council," SEELE-09 snarled, it's thick Texan accent marring the Japanese.

"There is no proof," Lorenz Keel was seen to look to his side lazily, "that anyone from this body was involved in either the deviation from the prophecy of the Dead Sea scrolls, or the murder of Six." His visor lingered momentarily on the spot Gendo stood in, "Were there any such proof, I assure you I would act swiftly to excise the traitor, or the murderer." The bulky man sat back, "This meeting is adjourned. Tend to your duties, we do not want this momentary distraction to become a permanent aberration on our journey towards our end goal."

Slowly the monoliths began to blink out, eventually leaving only Gendo and Lorenz Keel lit. "You asked that I remain after the meeting?" Standing with his hands clasped behind his back loosely, the Commander of NERV showed no signs of anxiety. Nobody knew it was him that had done it, and there was nothing they could find to prove it. "Was there something else you needed?"

"I have asked that your son be awarded a small amount of money," the Chairman of both the SEELE council and the Human Instrumentality Committee grinned at the small flash of displeasure on Gendo's face, delighting in tormenting his off-and-on antagonist. "As these attempts on his life came from within the council, it is only right that we pay some minor reparations to help him enjoy his life before the end."

"As you say," the Commander of NERV stated stoically.

"Of course, a portion of this has been docked from that pay, as Six's fate was handled…within the family." Lorenz' smile dropped, "Do not make a habit of this, Ikari. Six acted on his own, his religious zeal overpowering his common sense. I know of your investigations, we will not abide further infighting." With a gesture, his projection cut off, leaving Gendo standing alone in the room.

"Some, Keel," Gendo smirked, his plan continuing apace. "You know of _some_ of them."

+++++ 4th Angel + 5 : Tuesday (26)

Once more approaching the hospital where Sakura was kept, Nozomi rode on Shinji's shoulders holding both sloths. The youngest Horaki had been a non-stop chatterbox all morning, her excitement at once more bringing the Third Child up to visit her best friend uncontainable, "Good morning, Nurse-san! Good morning, Chise-san!" Waving to an older lady walking with the assistance of both a nurse and a four-post walking cane, she nearly dropped one of the stuffed toys.

Shinji paused to allow his rider a chance to properly greet someone she was familiar with, "Good morning, ma'am." He inclined his head as much as he dared, not wishing to unsettle Nozomi any more than she was already managing to do herself. "Good morning, Nurse-san."

Hikari kept her opinions to herself as the just-shy of middle aged nurse began to preen slightly and smile welcomingly at Shinji. The woman fairly simpered, "Good morning, Nozomi-chan. Good morning, _sir_. Your younger sister has mentioned you a time or two, it's nice of you to come visit with her. We'd _love_ to see you more often."

"Good morning, Nozomi-chan, young sir," the elderly patient interrupted with vigor. "I see you have family with you this time, little one," she forced the nurse aside through sheer presence, clearly unimpressed with the woman's actions, "it's good to see you being so lively. This place is far too close to being dead more often than not. You here to see your friend, again?"

"Yep-yep," she wiggled, "we're bringing gifts to Sakura-chan today." Waving the sloths around, she would have fallen back had Shinji not locked his arms in place around her legs. "It was her birthday last week, and nii-san finally got a chance to come see her!"

"Well, don't let this old woman keep you." She looked Shinji up and down, "You keep an eye on your little sister. She's got a spirit in her, and it won't be long before the boys come calling." She seemed impressed with what she saw in him, "And be cautious yourself. You're clearly touched by the spirits, and fate isn't kind to folks like you."

"Of course, ma'am," Shinji nodded once, knowing all to well the truth of her words. He chose to focus on the more pleasant, and less classified section of her sentiment, "She's far too important to me to not see her safe." He felt the sloths crush against his head as Nozomi hugged him and giggled. "Please be careful on your walk, and I hope that you recover soon." Waving a short farewell, and pointedly ignoring the pantomimed 'call me' from the nurse, he turned to walk on towards the hospital. Once they were far enough away to not be heard, he glowered, "That was very rude of her to ignore her patient like that. Even if I wasn't already taken, I would never date a professional who would flirt with someone in front of their duty."

"And that's why Hikari-nee-san is dating you," Nozomi pursed her lips in approval. "Because you're just like her, in your own way."

"I'd be a far better man if I was like your sister," Shinji said with a shy look directed at Hikari. "She's someone we should both try to emulate," _in nearly every way._

With a smile and a hint of an eye roll, Hikari lightly backhanded his sternum, "You, sir, are a flatterer."

"But not a liar," Nozomi intoned. "I'm proud of my nee-san. Both of them." Waving enthusiastically at the woman behind the check-in, she managed to drop one of the sloths, which Shinji caught easily and returned to another giggle and hug.

"Good morning," the desk clerk stood with a bow. "It is nice to see you again, Ikari-san. Nozomi-chan mentioned you had been in an accident, I am very glad to see it wasn't too bad." She handed the sign-in clipboard to Hikari, "If you wouldn't mind, dear. Your boyfriend seems to have even more passengers this time around." Her smile took in the sight of Nozomi bopping along to unheard music, dropping to Shinji with a look of commiseration and admiration.

Slipping the small cooler she carried further up her arm, Hikari accepted the task happily, "I keep telling him, he needs to be careful or he'll start having to carry me around as well." Writing once more in her flowing script, she handed back the small board, "Thank you, once again, for being so accommodating to Nozomi-chan. I wish we had more time to visit ourselves…."

"But saving the city is a full-time job," the woman looked to Shinji. "And we thank you for it, Ikari-san. My boys are alive because you stopped that wretched beast from getting any closer to the school." She reached out and took his hands gently, "Please, if there's anything, _anything_ , my family can do to help you just let us know." Unlike the nurse from outside, the clerk's actions radiated honest gratitude. There were no hidden dragons, no flirtatious intent, and Hikari eagerly watched to see how he reacted to genuine praise.

Shinji swallowed, nervous at the close proximity of another person. Forcing his anxiety back as best he could, he nodded to the lesson from earlier in the day, "I…I will, ma'am." Recalling how Hikari looked when she was giving instructions, he called on a sense of self that he didn't usually utilize, "I'm very glad that your children made it to the shelters safely, it's vital that when the Angels attack that they listen to their instructors, and that they keep an eye on their fellow students. Accidents, like Sakura-chan's, happen when we lose sight of the people around us. The teacher, as you know, only has two eyes; their classroom together has many times that."

"I'll tell them you said just that, Ikari-san," the woman's face lit up, her entire demeanor held in thrall as if she were receiving sage wisdom from the spirits themselves. "I'll use just your words, I will!" Recalling herself, and where she was, she motioned for them to move towards their destination, "Don't let me keep you, please. Enjoy your visit, and thank you again Ikari-san!"

As they reached the staircase, and Shinji let Nozomi climb down, Hikari gave him a small grin, "Where did that confidence come from?" Radiating joy, she tugged him down into a kiss, "Maybe we should do something like last night more often, if this is what it lets you do."

"Daddy wouldn't mind," Nozomi held the door open impatiently. "He told me that he was surprised you hadn't moved into his room as soon as Shinji moved in with us." The youngest Horaki grinned impishly, "He said that nii-san showed an 'acceptable level of discipline'," her voice dropped comically to imitate her father's mode of speech.

"I-I don't think we should be discussing this in public," Shinji looked around, nervous that someone might have heard, might have judged Hikari badly for his weakness. "Let's get on up to visit Sakura-chan. I'm sure she's waiting for us." He turned to Hikari for assistance, but found her gazing absently at Nozomi. "Hikari?" Gently reaching over, he took the cooler, which had begun to droop towards the ground. "Hikari?"

"Oh!" She shook herself, "Sorry, you're right. Definitely something to talk about when we're at home. In private." Passing by her younger sister, she turned to hold the door for Shinji, "Wait, when did you take the cooler?" She blinked, confused, "I told you I'd carry it."

"Just now," he began walking up the staircase, holding the rail with one hand and the ice cream in the other. "You were kind of spaced out, and I didn't want you to drop it on your foot." Keeping his eyes on his feet, despite Nozomi wearing shorts, he once more attempted to balance caution on the stairs with not ignoring the two ladies he travelled with, "Those sandals look wonderful on you, but they don't do much to protect your toes from blunt force trauma."

"Oh," Hikari echoed. "Well, I'm sorry. That's not like me to become distracted like that." She watched his actions, again both amused and saddened by the disparity between what he considered acceptable and unacceptable behavior with someone who might as well have been his own flesh and blood. Nobody would rightly accuse him of ogling Nozomi, certainly anyone who attempted to do so even knowingly wrong would face both an enraged eight-year-old as well as her own wrath. The love he displayed for the little lady was more pure and chaste than the snows in the far North, and certainly of no concern to anyone.

"Weird," Nozomi chirped from her position at the doorway on the floor they ascended to. "Sakura's door's open. It's not normally open like th-" With a small squeak of shock, she found herself holding the cooler as Shinji flowed past her towards Sakura's doorway. Even Hikari had been startled at the sudden swiftness with which he had climbed the remaining flight of stairs.

Shinji, now disregarding the main lesson his instructors had attempted to impart, as well as his promise to not do anything 'tactically unwise', reached Sakura's door before Nozomi or Hikari could act. If anything was wrong, if anyone was attempting to hurt Sakura to get to him, he'd find a way to stop them. Dead, if necessary. Reaching his destination, he stepped into the room and past the modesty curtain, stopping at a familiar sight, as well as a sight he immediately regretted having been exposed to.

"Oh, hello Shinji," Ritsuko smiled at him, lifting her head from her examination of Sakura's lower back and legs. "Would you do me a favor, I sent the nurse to go and find her Attending, and I find myself lacking a pair of hands at the moment." With her chin, she gestured to a nearby electronic device, "If you could press the large blue button when I say so, and hold it until I say stop." Her own hands covered by surgical gloves, she held an oddly-shaped device attached via a long, curling, cord to a rolling cart.

Sakura heard Shinji's name and issued a squeak incredibly similar to the one Nozomi had just given. Not out of shock that someone was in her room, but because Shinji had an unfettered view of her bottom, and one simply did not give that kind of view to a person they had a crush on when they were in the state she was in. "Sh-Sh-Shinji-san?" Humiliated did not begin to cover how her voice sounded.

 _Fuck. Me. Running._ The uncommon swearing seeming only appropriate at the juncture he faced. _Ok, I made an error. Fix it. Focus on everything but her broken limbs, and_ definitely _do not draw attention to the fact that you see her butt. Apologize later, fix now._ "Sure," he walked as calmly as he could over to the device. "Don't worry, Sakura-chan, Nozomi-chan and Hikari-san should be here in just a second." Taking note of the biggest blue button, he turned back to Ritsuko, "This one?" _Don't act like it's a big deal, and it won't be a big deal._

"That's the one," she smiled encouragingly. Looking down at he patient, she readied the attachment to do what it was designed for, "Just press it in three, two, now." A sudden moan of relief followed from Sakura, and the doctor grinned, "I guess Futaba was right. It's counterintuitive, but the results can't be denied." Tapping her foot to keep count, she worked the large wand around in a circle around the base of her patient's spine. "Ok, go ahead and release the button."

Letting his hand up, he kept his back to the scene, "That sounded like it helped, Sakura-chan, does it feel better?" _That's right, casual. Just another day in a hospital. Nothing of note, nothing to worry over._

"It…it does," she muttered into her pillow. It was obvious, even to Shinji, that she was still mortified.

"It's a good thing you contacted me, Shinji," Ritsuko lifted the young lady's sheet to cover her dignity. "A few more days without this, and it's entirely possible that the damage would have become permanent." Smoothing her hand over Sakura's shoulders, she added, "We need you to lay on your belly a little longer, Sakura-chan. In another few minutes we'll need to repeat the procedure, and then we can roll you over so you can visit with your friends." Noting the curtain opening, she glanced at Hikari carrying the cooler, then Nozomi carrying twin stuffed animals, "A sloth?"

Hikari was the first to speak, "Ritsuko-san? I didn't expect to see you here." She offered a friendly smile in greeting.

"Why not?" The leggy doctor walked over to Shinji, turning him back to the scene and giving him a hug from behind. Peering around from under his arm, she looped it about her neck and smiled, "When Shinji asked for my help, I made a few calls. I would have thought he'd told you he contacted me." _You don't know everything, little girl. You can't possibly offer him everything we can. If you won't share, you'll be discarded._

"It was while Kodama-nee-san was on his lap," Nozomi walked over and brushed her hand along Sakura's back, "last night before he agreed to come visit." She quietly engaged her friend in conversation, curious as to why she was resembling a tomato in coloration.

"Oh," Hikari recalled Kodama's statements the night before, suddenly seeing things in a new light as her boyfriend looked down at the woman he held with an odd mix of gratitude and admiration. "So, do you think that you'll be able to help Sakura-chan?" _He's not looking at me. He's looking at her. Is…is she what he wants?_

"That's why I'm here," lightly patting her ward on his abdomen, she smiled up at him. "You and I will discuss payment later, ok? I'm here on my personal time, and by the time I'm done I'll have just enough time to grab something to eat and go to bed so I make it in on time later tonight."

Shinji nodded, "Anything I can do to help, I will." Risking a glance at the young lady in bed, he leaned down to murmur, "What are her chances, honestly?" He wanted to believe that she could do something, wanted to believe in a miracle, but with how his life had gone to date he wasn't going to fool himself.

"I was being honest," Ritsuko whispered in return. "Another day or two, everything would have locked in place. Paralysis, shortened lifespan, nothing good." Reaching up to tap his nose with her free hand, she winked, "You, Shinji, saved another life. You should be proud. I'll make sure the cost is something you don't mind too much," her grin was friendly, "wouldn't be right to have you despise the memory of the life you saved."

Hikari couldn't hear them speaking, couldn't really read what Ritsuko was feeling. She did, however, know exactly what Shinji was thinking. _He's relieved. Nervous, but not agitated. He refuses to look below her eyes._ She wished, and not for the first time, that he wasn't automatically predisposed to paranoia around women. It made it incredibly difficult to gauge his level of interest in any particular woman.

"Doctor Akagi?" A younger doctor, perhaps Maya's age, stood in the doorway with a nurse, "Is this your…?"

"My coworker," the professional came out, disentangling herself from Shinji, as the playful woman receded. "Go on," she tilted her head towards the hospital staff, "introduce yourself." _Let them amaze at your glory._

"Shinji Ikari, ma'am," he recovered his arm, bowed to the doctor, then to the nurse, "ma'am. It's a pleasure to meet you both; thank you for your hard work in helping Sakura-chan. Her recovery is very important to me." Standing, he noticed that Hikari had moved over to join the conversation with Nozomi, an odd look on her face.

"Ikari," the doctor frowned, then recognition showed on her features and she gasped, "the pilot of the Purple Defender!"

"Y-yes, ma'am." He looked down, embarrassment writ large, "I am."

"Hatano," she seemed to recall the need to introduce herself. "Sae Hatano, it's a true pleasure to meet you, Ikari-san." She looked to Ritsuko, "And you work with Doctor Akagi? Are you training to become a physician? I had heard that you were still in High School."

"A polymath, actually. He's stated an interest in utilizing his natural talents to help others as often as possible," the bottle-blonde interjected before Shinji could deny it, "and his capacity for learning seems to not be limited to any one specific arena. It would be a boon to mankind if we didn't waste such a keen intellect on something lesser, wouldn't you say?" The statement smacked to Shinji as a slight of some kind, but he couldn't quite place where or who it might have been intended for.

"Oh, of course," Sae nodded eagerly. "It must require great dexterity and coordination to pilot such a complex machine."

"It's…uhm, it's mostly classified," he engaged the oldest method of evasion he had at his disposal.

"It's a neuro-kinetic interface," Ritsuko supplied. "It requires a balance of both physical ability and mental agility to properly utilize the Evangelion, and Shinji here has both in spades. A cellist, a chef, a naturally gifted decathlete, and a pilot. If we can convince him to add 'doctor' to that mix, I feel we'd almost have the perfect man."

"I-I doubt that," he deferred quietly. "Anyway, uhm, shouldn't we help Sakura-chan again? I wouldn't want to delay you getting home, Ritsuko. You need to sleep properly, since I rely on you so much at work." He shifted to stand out of everyone's way, "I'd hate to be the reason you didn't get everything done."

"He's a joy to work with," Ritsuko smiled happily. "Attentive, compassionate, and skilled. But he's right, I wanted to demonstrate the appropriate use of this tool." Waving her fellow doctor over, she began to give a lesson on the practical application of it.

Feeling unwelcome at the bedside, for fear of upsetting Sakura when her rear was once more exposed, Shinji moved to the curtain and began a quiet examination of the repeating patterns on it. _Ritsuko feels off,_ he tried to shake the feeling, wondering if perhaps he was just overthinking things. _She's never been one to heap praise on others, certainly not in public to people that didn't know them._ He wandered down the paths of his old life, not recalling any instance of her displaying similar behavior. _Misato's change is because of my actions. But she's still Misato. Even Maya is the same, just…more open. Ritsuko's acting almost like…_ , "Rei," he whispered.

"Sorry?" The nurse standing nearby looked over to him, "Did you say something?"

"O-oh," he waved his hands before his chest, "I-I was just thinking of…an example," the homonym jumped into his mind, and he ran with it. "If we had a previous patient where the tool was successful, it might help everyone understand better how it worked, you know?"

"That's an excellent idea," Ritsuko asserted from her position at the device. "I'll call Matsumoto General again, have them forward some redacted patient files. Setting up Sakura-chan's care plan will be easier with examples to draw from." His guardian gave him a warm smile, though he noticed that it never reached her eyes, "Why stand over there, Shinji? I don't mind if you consult with us, I'm sure Doctor Hatano doesn't either." _Stand with me, show them their place._

"I-I'm ok," he shook his head, his hair fanning out slightly. "I think I'm embarrassing Sakura-chan by being here, so…I'll step outside for now." Retreating before anyone could comment, he made it to the hallway and over to the nearby window. _Is she upset? Her smile just…she's not telling the truth, but she's not lying. It's like she's confused._ Acting on an impulse, he pulled out his phone and sent a text message to Misato. If anyone would know Ritsuko, it'd be the woman that seemed to be her best friend.

Unnoticed, his girlfriend had trailed behind him, quietly following to see what it was that he intended to do. "Shinji?" Hikari stood slightly more than arm's length away, when he turned he noticed the odd expression she had carried earlier still remained.

"Oh, s-sorry," he looked down guiltily. "I forgot to tell you that I had texted Ritsuko. I really hadn't expected her to show up today, or so soon, I…uhm, here!" Thrusting his phone out, he gestured to it with his free hand, "You can read what I sent. It's easier than me explaining, you know?"

The implicit gesture of trust did not escape Hikari's notice. _If he had something to hide, he wouldn't be offering it to me openly._ Pulling up the text message, she read it through twice, then nodded, "I see." _You really are very quick to try and please everyone, Shinji. I love that you're so kind, but I worry that you're opening yourself up too much to abuse._

"It's…uhm, it's odd. Having three guardians," he specified. "Each of them is so…talented?" He shook his head, "I'm sorry, I'm really confused right now. I…." _Start at the beginning, work through the situation._ He looked to the doorway, then turned and faced the window again, "I rushed ahead. I thought Sakura-chan was in danger." His fist clenched, "I thought someone was trying to hurt her, and I rushed ahead. Even though I said I wouldn't." Pressing the flat of his fist against the glass, he scowled at his reflection, "As soon as the thought that she might be in danger hit, I couldn't stop myself."

Hikari nodded, though he couldn't see her, "She's family, of a sort." Stepping over to the window, standing slightly closer to him than she had before, she looked back down at the phone, "It's hard to stop yourself when you think family might be in danger." _I'm sorry, Kodama._

"Then," he continued, stuck in his own thoughts, "Ritsuko's standing there. A-and," he faltered, "I need to apologize to Sakura-chan." His fist unclenched, "I _really_ need to apologize." _Idiot Shinji, causing more distress to the one person that needs it the least._

"She told me," Hikari looked over at him, judging his emotional state. "I think she'll forgive you easily, Shinji. It's because of you that she'll walk again. I think she's more concerned that you thought she looked ugly and deformed." She felt the phone vibrate, the fact that it was open to the text service preventing the ringtone from playing. Looking back to the phone, she read the text Shinji had sent, and Misato's reply text before Shinji could:

'Shinji, be careful. Rits is a little unstable right now, she's had some physical trauma, and some work crap has hit her. She's not dangerous or anything, but she may be a little waspish, or if you upset her she could snap and say something she doesn't mean. If she does that, you tell me, ok? Or if you can't tell me, tell Maya. There are three of us for a reason, so it's not tattling or any nonsense like that. Tell your girlie-girl I said hey. - Your Misa-chan.'

"Misa-chan?" Hikari snickered at the obviously intentionally childish moniker, then handed the phone to Shinji, "Your Misa-chan responded." _I need to stop jumping to conclusions. Shinji is still Shinji, and he's not going to go looking for love when I'm standing right here. I just need to find a safe way to let him know that what he's doing is only partly right._

"Hmm," he read the text several times, "that's…not as helpful as I'd hoped." He sighed, "Maybe she's just really stressed." Grimacing, he turned back to Hikari, "I wish I was better at reading people. I just can't…I can't figure her out. She's one of the three people responsible for me, and I owe her a great deal. I should be able to figure out what I can do to help her so that I don't act ungrateful, or like she owes me anything, but everything I do seems to produce random reactions."

 _Direct approach it is,_ "So you're trying to help her as your guardian?" She tilted her head to the side, "Why not ask her what she wants? If you can be honest with Misato, and Maya, why not try being honest with Ritsuko? Worst case scenario she snaps, and you tell Misato what happened. But," she held up a finger, "best case scenario, you discover something out about one of the three women charged with keeping you safe."

Shinji nodded along to her logic, and as she finished speaking he smiled ruefully, "Some king I am." Stepping towards his girlfriend, closing a distance he hadn't noticed he had caused, he gathered her in a hug and squeezed tightly, "I don't deserve you, Hikari. I screw up, and you forgive me. I look for ways to screw up, and you guide me back to the right path." _Tell her, Misato said it's the best way to keep her._ Leaning down, he pressed his lips to her forehead, "I love you. I'm sorry I ran ahead, if Sakura was in danger, I might have been entering a trap. You deserve more effort from me."

The three simple words worked their magic, erasing all of Hikari's worries. _He loves me._ She held onto him eagerly, accepting the embrace, "I love you too, Shinji." Stepping back, she brushed a tear out of her eye, "You, mister, need to go in there and apologize to Sakura. It'll help you feel better."

"O-ok," he nodded, not understanding why she might have become sad, but certain that he shouldn't bring attention to it in public. _I'll ask her later._ "Would…would you mind checking if she's dressed?"

Hikari swallowed a bout of laughter, her emotions once more under control, understanding that this was dreadfully important to him. She honestly saw nothing wrong with his having seen the young lady, the thought of improprieties occurring almost farcical in nature. But to him, it was an invasion, a perversion, and that made it important that he be allowed to handle it in a way that didn't ruffle his feathers. "Certainly," she walked past him, headed for the room when she spied the nurse coming out. "Is everything all right?"

"Yes," the woman looked to Shinji, who was watching the world drift past out the window, "I actually came out to ask him if he would mind taking a picture with me." She flushed slightly with embarrassment, "My kid, he's only three, but he saw a picture of that giant purple robot and fell in love with the concept. Trying to earn some 'cool mom' points, I guess."

 _A mother's love,_ Hikari nodded in understanding. "Is Sakura-chan dressed?"

The nurse nodded, "Oh, yes, she's back on her back and talking to the doctors."

"If you give me your phone, I'll take a picture of you with him," Hikari held her hand out. "Believe me, he'll be happy to help a mother earn some points with her son." The almost timid nature of the request touched her heart, "He's a very kind person, even if he looks severe sometimes."

Pulling out her cellphone, the nurse handed it to the Class Rep, "Thank you. Let's go ask him," she rolled her eyes, "I sound like a teenager again. He's just so…aloof."

Yet again, Hikari swallowed a laugh. 'Shinji' and 'Aloof' did not belong in the same sentence, "Shinji?" She called out to avoid startling him and ruining the nurse's impression of him. When he turned, his curiosity and concern obvious to her, she smiled reassuringly, "Sakura-chan is fine, but Nurse-san would like to take a picture with you, for her son. He's three, and likes the big robot."

"O-oh!" Shinji lit up, an opportunity to help a mother and child deeply appealing to him, "Of course, no problem at all." He stood away from the window, to avoid drowning out the camera with sunlight, checking around himself to make sure there was room for the nurse as well, "Please, ma'am, I'd be happy to," he beckoned her towards him.

"Thank you," she turned to stand next to him, her hands clasped before her.

"Shinji," Hikari let the phone down slightly, "would you put your arm around her? Let her son know that you're there protecting everyone, even outside of Unit-01?" _Take that, jealousy. I can let my boyfriend touch other women, and you can't make me stop._

"I-if that's all right with you?" He looked down at the much smaller nurse, "I wouldn't want to without your permission."

Smiling, she put both of her arms around his waist, turning to the camera with a broad grin, "He'll love it."

Shinji put one arm around her shoulders, and the other on her elbow, offering the same smile he gave to anyone who he felt needed it. The same smile that he gave Ritsuko, the one that hoped that better days were ahead for the person witnessing it, that there was less pain, more joy, and the knowledge that things weren't always so glum. When the flash triggered, he waited a second, then looked down, "What's your son's name, ma'am?"

"Toji," she squeezed him in thanks, then turned to walk to the camera. "Thank you, miss. I probably would have chickened out had you not been here to help."

"Well," Hikari handed the phone back, and looked between Shinji's pained expression and the woman she'd just helped, "please let Toji-kun know that both Shinji and I hope that he grows up to be the kind of man who defends the weak and cares for his family. It's what Shinji wants for everyone, more than anything. A world full of people who use their strength to help, not hurt."

"Are you two…dating?" The nurse looked back just as Shinji's expression mellowed, "I would have thought with how Doctor Akagi was speaking that…never mind. I'm prying, and being rude." Waving with her camera, she turned to leave, "I'll make sure he remembers what you said, thank you again."

Watching the stately nurse head towards the elevators, Hikari walked over to Shinji and wrapped him in another hug, "It's not him…but hopefully it will be one more young boy that doesn't fall into the same trap he did." Leaning back, she looked up to see regret etched on his face, "Maybe he'll find some young woman named Hikari, and they'll hit it off. Maybe he'll show her that he's a good man, with a good heart, and he'll tell her the story of how the Pilot of Unit-01 took a picture with his mom and told him to be a better person. Kodama would say that you were just thinking of the future, past our own lives, when you said Suzuhara and I should be together."

"I hope so," he sighed. "Because I couldn't save the Toji I met." He looked down at her, pain and shame vying for dominance, "I'll always worry that I condemned him to lose everything, Hikari. All because I caught you on a morning I wasn't even supposed to be at school for." Looking away, he thought of the afternoons at the arcade, of the boisterous youth that seemed dedicated to his sister.

"No," she shook her head slowly, " _he_ condemned _himself_. You saved me, you saved Sakura, you've given so much to my sisters, and none of that, Shinji," she leaned slightly to catch his eyes, "none of it is something to regret. Ok?" She waited for him to nod, "Ok?" Accepting the single, slight nod, she squeezed him and stepped back, "Now, I love you. I love you very much. But we need to go in there and be there for Sakura, ok?"

He chose to remain silent, nodding and reassuming his armor. The little girl in the room needed him, since her own big brother was gone. She needed hope, she needed affection, and she wouldn't get that if he let the evils within him parade freely about. He knew it wasn't the healthiest thing to do, and it was almost the inverse of armor's purpose, but by forcing the dark thoughts to stay within and not show beyond his skin he could appear 'normal' for a very limited time. "Let's go," he spoke firmly.

As they entered the room again, Ritsuko was the first to notice him, giving him an odd look and a smile that avoided her eyes, "Something wrong, Shinji?" She smoothed Sakura's hair, "We've been discussing how you made her favorite desserts twice now, and brought up ice cream today for her birthday. It seems you've been busy."

Evading the question, Shinji bowed to Sakura, "I'm very sorry I rushed in here earlier, Sakura-chan. I promise, it wasn't my intent to embarrass you." Standing back up, he nodded towards the sloth she hugged, "I hope that you and Nozomi can make use of those. She's been very excited to bring them up here to you."

"Doctor Ritsuko said we can communicate with them," Sakura smiled, either ignoring the need for the apology or too excited to worry over it. "Using something called 'Wabun Morse Code', if I squeeze it in the correct patterns, we can spell out words with the flashes!"

"That's…a much better use than I thought of," he admitted. "She's a very smart lady, isn't she?" Smiling at Ritsuko, he conveyed his gratitude with a nod.

"It will take practice, but the two of you are bright young ladies, and I think you have the drive to learn quickly." NERV's Chief Scientist looked to Sae, "Do you think you have a handle on the method? Once we get the case studies transferred, you'll have video to work from as well."

Doctor Hatano nodded firmly, "I do. If this case is this important to the Hero of Tokyo-3, then I'll dedicate myself to it wholeheartedly." Turning to Shinji, she favored him with a look of pure determination, "Should you need anything, Ikari-san, or if you find something with Sakura-chan that doesn't meet your expectations, please come straight to me. I'll do whatever I can to help."

"Thank you," Shinji bowed slightly in return. "Would it be all right if we had ice cream with Sakura-chan now? I don't want to interfere with her care, but I did miss her birthday."

"Go right ahead," she gestured to the bed. "She has been such a model patient, she certainly deserves something for her efforts today."

Hikari had Nozomi help serve, pleased that Shinji had possessed the foresight to bring three times as many small bowls as necessary. His contention that having too many simply allowed for more mistakes to be made without issues arising seemed almost precognitive. Once everyone had a dish, she led the group in singing 'Happy Birthday', both earning and noticing a look of jealousy flash across Ritsuko's face that Shinji didn't. _Is this the real you?_ The curiosity offered little insight, _I won't let you take him from me._

Idle conversations followed, Nozomi and Sakura practicing the code that Ritsuko had brought up on the nearby patient-access MAGI terminal. Shinji discussed his grades with Sae, including the fact that he'd missed a week of class and was uncertain as to how he'd do with such a handicap.

"We'll just have to do more tutoring sessions," Ritsuko shrugged. "Without Maya around, it will be a little more challenging, but I promised I'd help you reach as far as you wanted to." She glanced briefly at Hikari, "And I do keep my promises." Snapping her fingers, she stood, "Speaking of, I promised to teach you how to swim. I need to get going, but I'd like to have your permission to schedule some time with you in the pool. Drowning accidents take too many lives, and you never know when you're going to be near water."

"She's very correct," Sae seemed surprised. "If you don't know how to swim, you should definitely take the time to learn. It's a vital skill, and once you've learned it you'll not forget the basics." Turning to regard Hikari, she frowned, "I would have thought your school would teach everyone. Does the school not have a pool?"

"When the middle school was moved to a new building, and the old high school was torn down after that explosion in the chemistry lab everyone blamed on that poor Masaki man before it was determined to be a criminal mischief case by some strange woman, the pool was discovered to have a major crack in its foundation." She shrugged, "The decision was between funding the class trip or repairing the pool, and tradition won over education."

"Would you mind walking me to my car, Shinji?" Ritsuko held her small bowl out to Nozomi, patting the little lady on the head when she took it. "I'm sure Sakura wouldn't mind you making sure I'm safely away."

"N-not at all," Sakura shook her head vigorously, "thank you so very much, Doctor Ritsuko. I really do feel much, much better."

Shinji was on his feet easily, handing his small bowl to Hikari, "Ok. I'll be back up in a bit, Sakura-chan. If you're tired, don't worry about falling asleep, I'm more worried about you getting better and you need your rest." Stepping back to clear the walkway, he gestured to the door, "After you, Ritsuko-san."

Pausing to tap his lips with her finger tip, she tutted, "Uh-uh, we've talked about this. We're allies, and allies don't use silly formalities." Taking his arm in hers, she walked towards the exit, gently fondling his bicep, "Have you heard anything from Ibuki-san?" The shift in naming for her former protégé was telling, to both Shinji and his girlfriend.

Hikari watched the woman walk away, her sister's warnings sounding loudly in her mind. _I have to trust him._ As much as she didn't want to just leave it to trust, she knew that acting like a jealous lover would only give others ammunition to use against her. _He's said he loves me. He's said he won't stray. Trust._

Once they were outside the room, Shinji kept his pace to the woman on his arm, "She hasn't said anything to me since Sunday. She wanted to get together with Hikari and I, a dinner date." Smiling at the memory of the horrible movie and bad-for-them dinner, he added, "After Misato asked us over to watch 'Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter', I think Maya-san wanted to do something similar. She mentioned the three of us collaborating on making dinner, getting our hands dirty."

 _She's making her moves, you must counter them._ "Be careful around her, Shinji," she tapped the elevator button, not letting go of his arm. "I think she might have her eye on Hikari-chan, she's mentioned more than once that she finds her attractive." _Two birds, with a single stone,_ "Of course, you shouldn't stop Hikari-chan from going where she will. Possessiveness isn't an attractive quality, after all."

Shinji blinked, letting himself be moved into the elevator as the doors slid open, "D-do you think she'd be…I-I guess she might…." _She might prefer being with a woman, and Maya is very pretty._ "Sh-should I ask her?" He was suddenly pressed against the wall, Ritsuko's feather-light touch powerful enough to hold him in place.

"That wouldn't be wise." Her grin was hungry, her eyes entrancing him like they had been at the pool, "Wouldn't it seem like you were being jealous, if you did that? If she isn't aware of the option, she would be if you told her. There are so many reasons to just," she leaned against him, running his hand along her side towards her breast, "let it happen, if it will happen. Who are you to stop a powerful attraction between two willing people?" The elevator hit the ground floor, and suddenly she was in the center of the car as if she had never been by him, "My car's this way," she tilted her head slowly, moving off the elevator.

 _Wh-what was that?!_ Stepping forward just before the doors could close behind Ritsuko, he caught up to her with a few longer strides, "R-Ritsuko-s…Ritsuko, do you th-think I should-"

Reclaiming an arm, she set a slower pace, "I think you should do what you think is best." _Keep him off balance, uncertain._ "You have a good eye for what makes people happy." Her voice dropped to a whisper, "You do want people to be happy, don't you?"

"I…y-yes," he nodded.

"Do you know what would make me happy, Shinji?" She paused at the next elevator, this one heading to the parking structures, "What I would _love_ more than anything else?" Tapping the button with a lingering touch, she kept her eyes locked on his, "What would make me _so very_ happy?"

He couldn't look away, confusion and anxiety struggled with his recently kindled libido. Here stood one of the most beautiful women he'd ever known, as far beyond him in intellect as the Sun was from the Earth, and throughout it all Asuka's voice was nearly inaudible, drowned out by the prevailing thrum of the song he'd been hearing for days now. "Wh-what would make you happy?" _Don't do it,_ a thin voice pleaded with him, _turn around. Go back upstairs._

Stepping into the elevator as the doors opened, their destination beneath their feet, she waited for him to join her of his own free will, "Did you know that your father transferred all of your testing, all of your learning, all of the responsibilities the Science Division had with you to Ibuki-san?" _Come with us, Shinji._

"N-no," confused and innocent, crossing the threshold, he placed himself in the corner away from the buttons. "Why?"

"Because I got hurt," she selected the floor where her car sat. "He thinks it's too much responsibility, to take care of you at work." Her tone became wounded, "It means I won't get to see you," slipping back against him, she looked up at him, "and I was coming to like you so much. Watching you learn," she trailed a hand along his upper thigh, "grow. It's so fulfilling to spend time with you, Shinji. And ironically," the car stopped, "now that I have more time, I won't get to spend it with you."

"You…like spending time with me?" His heartrate accelerated as she languidly lifted herself from him, "Y-you aren't upset with me?"

"I was, a little," taking his arm and guiding him towards her car, she kept her eyes forward, "you were so cold, so distant." _You didn't take us._ "I thought _you_ didn't like _me_." Turning to lay back against her car door, she pulled his shirt so that he stepped up against her, "Do you, Shinji?" _Take us._ "Do you like me?"

 _Don't answer. Walk. Away._ The voice was desperate, _You_ don't _want this._ "I…I…." A third path came into his mind, "I'll talk to Maya-san, I'm sure she wouldn't mind cooperating with you. I-I mean, you have so many tests already started." He couldn't tell her 'No', not if it hurt her for him to do so. But…. "Ritsuko," he could feel himself swelling, the appeal of his position between her legs hard to ignore, "what do you want? F-from me, I mean."

 _Everything._ "Dinner." The voice murmured plans in her mind, "You and me, just the two of us. I'm supposed to be one of the three women responsible for your wellbeing, and yet I don't know you as well as I'd like to." _We'd like to._ Her eyes offered him anything he wanted, her subtle touches along his back encouraging him to press against her, she was the embodiment of sexual desire and she could feel it working with him.

The familiar refrain worked its way through his remaining defenses, similar sentiments from Misato and Maya leading him towards hopes of a comfortable evening. _You promised to not do anything with anyone else!_ The frantic presence bellowed out, _You know what she's attempting here, damn it! You need to leave!_ "I…should go," summoning his remaining willpower, he pulled the handle on her door, "l-let me help you sit down." He stepped free of her warmth, offering his hand.

 _Small victories lead to greater,_ "Such a gentleman," she took his hand, using it to lever herself up to kiss him, her lips lingering against his. "I'll send you an invitation when I have a free evening, Shinji." Slipping slowly down his body, bending as she leaned into the car, when her head reached his belt she lifted her eyes to his, "If there's _anything_ you need, you know how to contact me."

Closing her car door, he stepped out of the way and watched her maneuver her vehicle out of the parking spot. The voice had fled, the danger evaded for now. Moving back to the elevator, he quietly rode up to the main lobby. Looking first at the path back to the ward Sakura was held in, then towards the door leading to the now midday sun, he paused to think. _One thing at a time._ _What would a king do?_ If Maya was interested in Hikari…might Hikari be interested in Maya? Was it right of him to withhold that information, even if it meant losing the woman he loved?

There was also the not-so-small matter of Ritsuko's actions. Despite the voice telling him that he knew what she was doing, her actions remained confounding. What he saw as flirtation was frequently nothing of the sort, Hikari had helped him understand that. It was those times that he didn't see it as flirtation, but instead as innocent actions, that he needed to be wary. Yet...Ritsuko's actions couldn't have screamed flirtatiousness any louder if she'd used a megaphone while naked, dancing atop her car. _But why?_ That question was what prevented him from action, _Why would she flirt with me? I'm not…I'm nothing! Someone like her could have anyone, anyone at all._

Doing nothing felt like a betrayal, saying nothing felt like a betrayal. Taking another look at the entrance, he felt his phone grow heavy. He could call Maya, set up a dinner date. Let the two women interact, try to encourage them. _I love her._ He sighed, shaking his head, "A king. Pfft." The concept was ridiculous, "A king would know what to do."

"Bah," Chise snorted from her position nearby. She had remained silent and overlooked, curious as to why the young man had walked with the frilly-haired doctor, then back alone all while looking lost. Unnoticed, she had continued her assessment of his character, and cemented her opinion that he was touched by the spirits, "A good king knows people who know the answers, young man. My Kenshiro worked for just such a man, watched him, learned from him, and before he passed he said that the reason he succeeded in business was that he knew who to ask, not what to do."

Recovering quickly from being startled, Shinji listened to her wisdom, nodding slowly, "How…how do I know who to ask?"

"You've got a heart, don't you?" She smiled at him as if the answer were patently obvious, "What's it telling you, sonny?"

A vision of Hikari sitting on his lap, her head wreathed in blazing glory, burst through the fog Ritsuko had filled him with, "To trust the Light." He turned and bowed to the woman, "Thank you, Chise-san. I think I almost forgot something very important." Righting himself, he waved good-bye and turned away from the entrance to make for the staircase. He had a duty to fulfill, and he had delayed long enough. The stairs were much easier to mount, when he didn't have to worry about people thinking he was peeping at Nozomi. Reaching the floor holding three of the most important people in his life, he walked to the door and knocked as he opened it slowly, "Hello?" He kept his voice low, in case Sakura was asleep, "Is it all right if I come in?"

"It's ok," Hikari's voice was just as quiet. "She's asleep, so's Nozomi. The doctor gave Sakura-chan some painkillers, she'll be out for a few hours now." When he walked in, he saw her playing with one of the sloths. The way she was seated, it was clear that she was thinking deeply. The set of her mouth, the way she had her knees tilted to one side, he had seen her in that position every day in class, and always when she was focused on the task at hand.

 _Don't hide._ "I need to talk," he looked at Nozomi, carefully curled in a chair holding onto Sakura's outstretched hand, "should we wait until we're home?" _Trust in her._ "It's important, and I don't really know what it is that I need. Other than help, I mean."

The words he chose eased some of her concerns, "We should. I don't want to be distracted if it's important." Hefting Nozomi's sloth, she picked up the cooler, "If you'll carry Nozomi?"

"Always," he nodded firmly. Moving quietly around the bed, he gently worked Sakura's hand free, then slid his hands under Nozomi's knees and shoulders, lifting her into the bridal carry position, "She's so light, I could carry her forever." He cast a sad grin to his lodestone, "It's going to be sad when she's too old to carry, when I have to let her run and walk on her own."

 _Trust in him, he'll never knowingly fail you._ Hikari's smile washed over him, "Soak up the time now, though I doubt she'll ever be too old to jump on your shoulders. She loves you just as much as I do, Shinji. Just as much as Kodama does." _Not looking forward to that apology. When did I become such a bitch? Why is it so hard to trust someone that is as easy to trust as he is?_

"I hope so," he braced the door as it closed, trying to make certain it didn't slam and interrupt Sakura's rest. "All of you are important to me…it's why we need to talk." He flexed his shoulders, the slight shrug as much as he was willing to do with his cargo where she was, "I want what's best for all of you."


	24. Chapter 24

+++++ 4th Angel + 5 : Tuesday (26)

"Too much excitement," Kodama smirked. She had helped him put Nozomi in her bed, the growing weed now curled around her sloth, with Hikari arranging her under the sheets. "Thank you for going with her," hugging Shinji close, she paused, "woof…lots of smokers in the trolley?"

"No," he shook his head. "Just Ritsuko-san. I think she operates purely off of caffeine and nicotine, it's not healthy." Plucking his shirt, he frowned, "I think…once Hikari comes out of there," he cast his thumb towards Nozomi's room, "would you tell her I went to take a quick shower? I'd rather not have this talk smelling like…." Looking at the ground and shaking his head, he turned and walked down the stairs.

Kodama's eyes narrowed, and she slowly turned her head towards her youngest sister's room, only to see Hikari standing there with a blank expression and her shoulders set. "Don't," the freckle-faced Class Rep raised her finger. "In my room, please." Sliding the door to her demesne open, she gestured for her elder sister to enter first. _She's on your side. She said so herself._

"All right," Kodama walked in far enough to be out of the path, then turned and crossed her arms, "your move." Her body language was obvious, she was still very angry about the night before, and even more angry now that she had been proven right.

With a sigh, Hikari closed the door behind herself, "I'm sorry," she clasped her hands before her and let her head drop in remorse. "I…have been a bit of a bitch ever since Shinji nearly died, and what you said last night, you said out of love." She looked to the side, "Love for him…and for me. Please, Forgive me."

"Do I need to find a way to kill her?" Kodama's anger was stoked, the scent of a non-Horaki woman on their man riling her up further, "Because if I do, I'm taking him. There is _no way_ he willingly did anything with her, and if you let her-"

"I didn't," she snapped, _Why don't you see that I'm trying to work with you here?_ Her jaw flexed as she clamped her eyes shut and fought to get her own anger back under control, "She's acting oddly, Kodama. Like the woman I met, and the woman I saw today in Sakura's room, were completely different women. I'm not making excuses for her, or for myself, but I have to let him be what he chooses to be. If he chooses to be with her, then what right do I, or you, have to stop him?"

"You are his girlfriend!" The nurse-in-training pointed down to his room, "You slept in his bed just last night! Do you have so little sense of self-worth that you'd let him be dragged into someone else's crotch the _next day_?!" Directing her finger back at her younger sister, she took a step forward, "I told you that you needed to be careful, that he needed to be handled with a gentle touch, not to just take your damn hands off the reins and let him run amok!"

"Do you want to take over?" Hikari countered hotly, "I'll step aside. You can bring him in here, 'ride his maypole' all you want. Drug him with sex and affection until he never wants to step outside the house." She stepped forward until she was right in front of her elder sister, glaring daggers, "Keep him from anyone and everyone else, all of the females in the world, never let him know the joy of friendship, never let him learn how to set limitations on himself. You can take him, Kodama, make him into a nice little meat puppet for you to fuck insensate."

"There is a balance-"

" _And I am trying to find it_!" Hikari's counter roar surprised Kodama. The eldest Horaki Sister was unprepared for her little sister's wrath to be fully unleashed. "Ritsuko is his guardian. As is Misato, as is Maya. Three powerfully gorgeous women, each with every chance to take him away. But if I do nothing but act like a jealous bitch, how does that make me even half as worthy of being his girlfriend as them?"

Kodama opened her mouth as she noticed Shinji, having forgone a shower and instead accepting wiping himself down with a wet washcloth and changing his clothes as a means to free himself of the odd scent, was standing in the doorway. He was clearly confused, worried that people he loved were fighting. She could see that his past was crawling through him, blanketing him and choking him with its suffocating weight. There was hope, though, in his eyes. Hope that he could do something, hope that he could fix things.

"No," Hikari raised her finger, "I am not done speaking. He is a human being, Kodama. He has every right to choose who he will associate with, and I am not going to tell him to avoid anyone. _Anyone_. Not even you. If that means he…." She choked up slightly at the thought, "He falls in love with someone else, that he leaves me and goes to you, or to Ayanami, or Ritsuko, or…whoever…then that's his choice. If he doesn't love me like I love him, then…that's that." A heavy silence fell over the room: Kodama looking past her sister to Shinji, Hikari blinking tears out of her eyes, and Shinji gazing contemplatively at the back of his girlfriend's head.

 _Tell her._ "B-but I do," he stepped fully into the room. "I l-love both of you," walking over to Hikari, he wrapped her in a hug from behind, looking over her at Kodama, "you're the first people I've felt that way about…s-since…no." He clenched his jaw, "I don't even really remember my mother. She died when I was three, and I can barely remember her face. Then you, all of you…you come into my life and you treat me like I matter. Like what I do has meaning." He snorted a self-deprecating laugh, "I was coming in here to try and stop a fight, to tell you that if you wanted to date Maya you could, but I guess I was just winding myself up over nothing."

"Maya?" Hikari tilted to the side and looked up at him, confusion in her tear-streaked eyes, "Where did you get that idea?"

"I heard…she found you attractive," he shrugged. "I know that you find her 'powerfully gorgeous', and thought you might prefer to be with a woman that was whole…than with someone as damaged and unsteady as I am." He smiled over to Kodama, "I don't deserve either of you, a-and I…well, I didn't know you felt that way about me."

Kodama sucked on her tongue for a moment, then looked down, "I do. Spirits help me, I do, Shinji." Sitting down on Hikari's Western-style bed, she ran one thumb along the side of the other, "I won't lie to your face about it, but I wasn't going to point it out to you either." She smiled, a tired grin, "I guess that's all of us in the house that do. The Sprout already said that I didn't have to worry, if something happened to Hikari, and to me, that she'd make sure you were taken care of. That she and Sakura would just share you once they were old enough."

"That's…no," Shinji shook his head. "That would be very weird, and I hope that she grows out of that." Holding his girlfriend, steadying both himself and her, he looked back to Kodama, "It's not that I disapprove of age gaps or anything, but…she's…she'll always be a little girl to me. The sweetest little lady ever, how could I see her like that? Ten years, twenty years from now, she'll still be the tiny firecracker that doesn't stop until she collapses."

"…How do you feel about Kodama?" Hikari wanted the entire deck out, all of the cards where everyone could see them. Clutching his hands, happy that they were about her collarbone but wishing that the conversation wasn't so dire that he held her out of fear instead of desire, she also looked at Kodama. _We need to know, Ko-Ko. This uncertainty isn't going to help us fight everyone else off._

Kodama, seeming to read her sister's mind, nodded in agreement, "We all need to know what we feel. About each other, about ourselves. We just open ourselves to exploitation otherwise, and that is unacceptable. Family stands united." Her mouth quirked, "Even if we do yell at each other from time to time."

"Does it matter?" Shinji frowned in thought, "I'm with you," he squeezed Hikari gently, "I-"

"You're with _us_ ," Hikari corrected him firmly. "You live in our home, and in your limited exposure to members of the gender you prefer, you've chosen the first woman to ask you."

Shinji closed his eyes, wincing in pain, _I'm going to pay for that statement for the rest of my life._

"Hikari," Kodama stood, her eyes narrowed angrily, "that is extraordinarily unfair. I wasn't there when he said whatever it is you're quoting him on, and even I can see that wasn't what he meant."

"I'm not being unfair," Hikari gripped Shinji's wrist tightly. "He is absolutely correct in what he said. Misato was trying to help him build up enough confidence in both himself and his desirability that he wouldn't let himself be tied forever to the first woman that walked past. That the first woman, me, also happens to view him as a dream come true is neither here nor there. If I am not what he wants out of life, then I would rather he not do out of sense of misguided honor what the people who love him tried to prevent." Stepping away from him, she turned to face him. Standing next to her sister she urged gently, "Answer the question, Shinji."

"I…I…." _Tell them._ "I love both of you," his voice grew taut, "But I don't know what that means. Kodama is the reason I'm finally somewhere safe, you're the reason Kodama even knew who I was." _All of this doubt is the cause of everything._ "You've shown me what it feels like to know that somehow I can escape my past, change my future, Kodama's the reason I'm still standing and fighting to even have a future." His voice began to climb in volume, "What does it matter, though? You," he pointed at Hikari, "are the reason I don't run away. And you," he failed to realize he was now yelling, his anger finally forcing through the timidity, "are the reason I want to be better than I am. What does knowing that I love both of you do?! Where does it bring us? _Here!_ " He jabbed his finger down to his feet, "Fighting amongst ourselves when we should instead be…b-be…." His face quivered as he struggled to keep from breaking down into tears. His final two words a ghost of a whisper, "A family."

He felt the first tear leak down, cool and damp on his skin. The cold, dispassionate tone he used as he swallowed the rage back down hurt the Horaki women far more than his roar ever had, "I…I have gone through the darkest paths imaginable before I reached here. I have lived atrocities, and I _know_ there will be far worse to come. I have been to horrible places, seen terrible things, all wishing to find you. _Both_ of you, _all_ of you," he pointed back to where Nozomi lay. "I spend every moment of every day wondering if what I'm doing is what's right for all of you. If you would be better off with me gone, so that you didn't have to risk the fury of the idiot dragon I have the misfortune of being related to. If I should use a different type of rice because Kodama hiccupped when she tried what I made that morning. If by speaking to the nurse at the hospital I'm being disloyal to the woman who threw a rope to a man that was drowning in his own misery." He shook his head, "There are moments where I wish I was three men, so that I could always be there to give all of you whatever you needed, whatever you wanted. So that I could begin to repay a sliver of the happiness you've brought me the past few weeks." Closing his eyes, he felt the tears fall freely, "And then there are moments where I wish I never existed. Where none of you ever had to deal with me again."

The two sisters moved as one, reaching the strongest, most fragile, man they'd ever met simultaneously. Wrapping him in a hug, instinctively including the other in the embrace. Their own war was pointless when faced with his sorrow. Fighting amongst themselves would only serve to reduce him further. Neither was ready to hold him alone as his knees gave way, but the strength of both proved sufficient to control his fall. Slumping to their knees, they held him as one. And it was as one, that they comforted him without words. None were needed, he had said everything worth saying, and anything they might add for the moment could be done with soft touches and soothing coos. He loved them both, for now that was enough.

+++++ 4th Angel + 5 : Tuesday (26)

More than an hour later, the three lay on Hikari's bed, having moved there at a vote of two-to-one with Shinji as the lone dissent, not wanting to seem inappropriate. It was cramped, in the best way possible, and Shinji was at the center of two women that had spent the entire time making him the core of their world. He had finally been unable to restrain his tears any longer, the anger his last-ditch effort to forestall the inevitable, and now he felt redoubled sorrow and remorse for allowing both to escape his control. It was difficult to stay so low, however, when Kodama was pressed tightly to his left and Hikari was laying half atop him on the right.

"S-so," his voice was hoarse, raw, "wh-what do I do?" He clenched his eyes shut, trying to control his stammer, "You both know better than I do what I feel. You also know that I have no idea what I'm doing."

Kodama toyed with his fingers, "You, and everyone else, Shinji. We're all just moving through life as we can, hoping to not fuck it up too badly along the way." She smiled across his chest at her sister, "I forgive you, Hiki." The statement was tinged with repentance, acting as both apology and forgiveness for the elder Horaki woman.

"I forgive you too, Ko-Ko," Hikari reached over and laid her hand atop both her sister's and Shinji's, "this is a pretty messed up situation we created. We kind of got in over our heads." She snerked, "It's a good thing Daddy isn't here. He'd have all of us in timeout for being silly."

"Boy would we have earned it," Kodama grinned. Losing her good humor for a moment, she visibly struggled with a decision, "I'm not asking you to share, he's your boyfriend. I've told you that before, and I'm making it clear now. I-" She cut off as her hand was squeezed firmly, "What?"

"Stop. He's not a possession, he's not a toy for me to play with exclusively. He needs help, and so do you." She rested her head on his chest, "Go out for dinner, go get ice cream, walk around the city and talk, go dancing. You have things you like doing that I don't like to do, and he might just like doing them too. But if he never does them, how can he know?" Toying with his hair, she smiled happily, "We're a family. So long as he's out learning with you, I'll know in my heart that he's with the best person he could be with at that moment. And when he's out with me," she let her eyes fall to her sister, "you'll never have to wonder if he's unhappy."

"I don't know if that's a good idea," Shinji interrupted calmly. "It's not fair to you, for me to go out and have fun without you. Isn't it part of what you asked? Back in the grocer's, you and only you?"

"This is my _sister_ , Shinji," Hikari shook her head. "All we've ever had is each other. We love Daddy, and we're all happy he's the man he is, but he has to work all day. This trip of his isn't the first, and won't be the last." She looked to Kodama for help explaining, "Ko-Ko, how do you show someone who's never had a sibling, who's never had someone be their whole world, what that means?"

"It means that after fighting each other for weeks over who knows what with regards to what's best for a man we both love, we still would back each other over you in a heartbeat if you did something mean," Kodama stated calmly. "It means that anyone, even someone else in this house, that attacks _you_ gets the same treatment. We…we're an odd bunch, Shinji. Has she told you the story of how mom died?" She waited for him to nod, then smiled sadly, "Mom would always tell me that love doesn't care about the particulars of a situation. That if it's real, valid, love? It'll be there no matter what happens. It's why we're so big on forgiveness, it's why Nozomi quotes us on it every time someone gets angry. 'Family forgives each other'." The nurse-in-training grimaced, "She also said that, outside of your family, it only ever comes once, and that you have to hold onto it with all your might."

"Which is why we've been fighting," Hikari said with a sigh. "I don't want to lose you, Shinji. Mom's never been wrong, everything she's ever told us has stayed true. Including…the stuff with Suzuhara." He felt her press tighter against him, "I wanted so badly to have it be what she felt, and I never once stopped myself and asked if I was making it out to be something other than what it was. Then, you come in and I feel my chest clench." She giggled, "Shinji, I wanted to ask you before class started that morning to go out on a date. I didn't, because I saw that you needed help, you needed a leader."

"And had I known she waited," Kodama teased, "I would have spanked her on the spot." It was her turn to admit everything, "I felt it too. Hikari saw it, as soon as I touched you that night, and that's why she was as angry as she was. Why she pushed you away that evening…why I called you the next day."

"You…before? Before I changed?" He frowned, "You had just met me, how could you have…it makes no sense."

"It wouldn't, to you," the elder sister continued. "And I have an explanation, as crazy as you'll think it sounds." Sitting up, she moved so that she was laid over his waist, closer to her sister, "You see, our family has always had…for lack of a better word 'powers'. It's nothing fantastical, not like we can lift objects with our mind or shoot lasers out of our ears, just…we know things. Before they happen, we see potential futures."

"Like an Oracle," Shinji remembered the lessons on foreign mythologies, and Asuka's firm denouncement of them as 'full of it'. "I don't know that I believe in that kind of…I'm not saying you're lying," he made to wave off the possible offense, forgetting that both of his hands were occupied by others at the moment, "j-just that I…have a…."

"If the future is set," Kodama offered, ignorant of his real reason, but guessing the most common was accurate, "then that means the past had to have happened as it did. Which means that every bit of suffering in our lives isn't random, and that your choices don't matter?" She grinned, "I've had a lot of time to think about these things. But no, it's not like that. If basic things change, the dreams change. The flashes of insight we have means that we have choices to make, those choices can affect the outcomes, and then everything's different."

"Let's stick with the simpler stuff," Hikari compromised. "Like what mom said about seeing the one you're meant to be with." She gave an understanding smile to Shinji, "I know that it sounds weird, and even we don't think about it much until it happens, but Kodama's very rarely wrong when she gets these impressions."

"She talks like she's not always aware of it," the nurse-in-training rolled her eyes. "Did you ever wonder why she makes such a good leader, Shinji? She can see the paths before her, and she just chooses the one that leads to the best possible outcome. It's instinctive, she sees someone in trouble and tries to help them."

"It's not like that," Hikari groaned. "Sometimes I can, sometimes I can't. With you," she tapped his nose, "I often can't. But we're losing focus. When mom saw Daddy, she felt…it. Her chest clenched tight, her jaw hurt, and she saw a dim light around Daddy."

"She swore up and down that her mother, and her mother's mother, as far back as they could recall had this same feeling when they found 'the one'. Sometimes it took a while around the person, but when the time was right they'd get that feeling and everything just made sense. It's why she was so single-minded in pursuing Daddy, it's why he didn't question it when Hikari told him you were the one." Kodama looked down, "It's…why I haven't been as distant as I should be."

"And it's why I've been so…crazy," Hikari huffed. "Some days I can't stand the thought of you being with anyone else, other days I feel like you _have to_ be with someone else. I'm not as strong in this as Kodama is, no matter what she says, but those days where I feel it…Shinji, I want to claim you for myself." Her fingers clenched his shirt, "I want to take you, be with you, and never let go." Her grip slackened, "But that's what _I_ want, and I'm very serious when I say you're not a possession. I can't sit here and say one thing and act another way, not and feel like I'm being the person you deserve."

"I, on the other hand," Kodama added, "want you for the family. For Hikari, for Nozomi…for myself. Nozomi needs an older brother, she needs someone that can absorb all of her love, all of her compassion. She's full to bursting, and you are just so…empty." Sliding her hand around his stomach, she soon had tears standing in her eyes, "I see you, Shinji, in my dreams. I see you struggling against a giant ball of swirling blacks and whites, being swallowed by nothingness as you cry out for people who do nothing to help. I see you drowning, being pummeled by enemies both in the water and right beside you. Fighting against foes while those that should support you berate and belittle you. I see you…fall. You jump into a sea of molten rage, not caring if you live or die, only caring that you save one more person. Always just…One. More. Person."

Shinji's heart seized, _the Twelfth Angel! Then the Sixth, and the Eighth? She can't be making this up, she knows…._

"I see you being abused by…fire, a slave to feeding it but never feeling its warmth. Ignored by ice, chipping away at it with your own heat as you try to reach the things frozen within, but it won't stop growing colder. You're forced away from your home by these tar-coated purple spikes, only to be pulled back in when you go too far," the older sister's eyes became distant, the tears slowly leaking down her cheeks. "I see your life, Shinji, but it's not you. It's what you were, before you entered that vile liquid. I see you running, always running. First away, then towards fighting, only standing still when you're too tired to carry on. I won't let it happen, Shinji," her hand gripped his shirt tight, "I won't let them hurt you like that. I won't let anyone hurt you like that."

" _We_ won't," Hikari took Kodama's hand in her own, "we'll do everything we can, right?" Scooting down to run her fingers through her older sister's hair, she looked back to Shinji, "I told you before, Shinji, we're incredibly passionate. It's something I hold close, because I'm expected to set a good example. I know this is weird, and we're probably sounding like we're insane-"

"You're not." Shinji shook his head fiercely, "Y-you aren't…you can't be making this stuff up. I know that," he swallowed, trying to get the lump of panic out of his throat, "I _know_ you aren't." If he told them, they'd be in even greater danger than they were before. If he explained why he knew for certain that Kodama could see things, he'd have damned them completely. "Just…just trust me, I know. Ok?" He nodded, he needed more time, he couldn't tell them now. It made sense, just…wait a while. Think.

"Shinji?" Hikari felt Kodama shift, and before she could stop her the elder sister was astride Shinji's waist with her hands on his head, "Kodama?!"

"She's lying, Shinji. You can't trust her, not that one." The eldest Horaki Sister's eyes were locked on his, gray-green knives digging into his mind, "Trust the other. Believe in her, she's telling the truth. The new voice speaks the truth." Hikari was struggling to pull her sister free, having no luck in the effort. "Follow your heart, Shinji. Your heart knows the right path, she'll show it…to…." Collapsing atop him, she convulsed once then was still.

"Damn it," the words still sounded strange to Shinji coming from his girlfriend's mouth, "she-"

"She's fine," Shinji stopped Hikari from pulling her away. "Just…she's fine." He placed his fingers next to her carotid artery, feeling a strong pulse, then checking that she was breathing steady, "She's breathing, but I don't think it would be a good idea for her to wake up alone." _I can't trust 'her'? But I can trust the other 'her'._ "Would you…would you mind just laying here?" He pulled Kodama over to the side, laying her so that she was against him, "I…I'm afraid." _Trust the Light. She'll never lead you astray, she'll never punish you for showing weakness._ "I think…I think I'd feel better with both of you here, for now. Just…just sleeping, you know?"

Hikari blinked, shocked at the honest request, worried about what might be causing him fear. _If he was afraid of Kodama's fit, he wouldn't demand she stay. If he's afraid of what she said…then he wants to keep us both here because he doesn't think she's talking about either of us. He's building a wall, protecting himself by reminding himself that he's loved._ _He's probably had some training in how to check that people aren't in danger. And Kodama looks like she's just asleep. Her fits don't last long, we'll be fine._ "Ok," she forced a smile out, "but only because you finally asked for something for yourself. Tomorrow, we all sleep in your futon. It's bigger." Climbing up into bed, she kissed him gently, "I love you, Shinji. No matter what happens, I'll always love you." She snuggled into his side, rubbing her cheek against his shoulder as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders, "It's fate, and it's one I don't ever want to fight."

+++++ 4th Angel + 6 : Wednesday (27)

Shinji awoke to the buzzing of his phone, _Training._ The new pattern in his life, coming awake only to find an increasing number of beautiful obstacles between him and his self-directed torment, was both worrying and thrilling. Hikari grumbled slightly as he worked his arm free, reluctantly turning around in search of a new pillow. Kodama was much harder to free himself of, her grip on his shirt eventually necessitating that he divest himself of it completely before he could exit the bed. He hesitated only a moment, a warm sensation working its way through his chest as he saw Kodama and Hikari share the claimed prize unconsciously. _I don't deserve any of this._ Hurrying downstairs, as quietly as he could, he made it into the dining room before he noticed that Nozomi was eating a bowl of leftover rice and reading a book to herself.

"Morning, nii-san," she waved happily. "Thank you for stopping them from fighting. You need to hurry; Uncle Gen and Uncle Suzuki don't like being kept waiting. I'll make sure that Hikari-nee-san and Kodama-nee-san know you're at training, if they wake up before you get back." She paused, "Do you think one day soon I can sleep with you too? I get lonely sometimes, and we can tell Sakura that you're hugging Sluggo with me. She'd like that."

 _That has horrible idea written all over it in thirty-meter tall characters._ "We'll…talk to Kodama, ok? I do need to hurry, though. So, good morning, and I'll be back as soon as I can." He was past her and into his bedroom before she could respond, moving rapidly to get ready for the morning's exercise. _Kodama. She knows about my past, she doesn't understand it, but she knows!_ He finished brushing his teeth, pausing to look in the mirror, _She's seen me as I was. The Angels, at least some of them, but the others? Fire that never gives warmth? Ice that refuses to melt in the heat? And spikes…those don't sound like Angels._

He made it back into the dining room, halting as he reached Nozomi, looking down into her curious smile. On a whim, he pulled her into a tight hug, "Nozomi, I want you to know that I love you, ok? I want you to be careful, whenever the Angels attack, I want you to make it into a shelter. You are very important to me, and I would be heartbroken if you were hurt." Pulling back, he looked into her brownish-grey eyes, "Promise me."

"I promise, nii-san," she nodded firmly. "I can't be there to take care of you if I get hurt, and who would take care of Sakura-chan? I have responsibilities, and so I have to stay safe to take care of them. It's unacceptable to do anything else, right?"

"Absolutely correct," he ruffled her hair. "I'll be back after training, be good."

Rolling her eyes, she turned back to her book, "Silly nii-san, I'm _always_ good."

Shinji grinned at the obvious lie, then left the house in time to see Gen walking up the walkway, "Good morning, Gen-san."

"Good morning, Shinji-san," as Gen was greeting him, Shinji felt the attack coming and rolled to the side. An arrow bounced off the door, "Another excellent day for a run, wouldn't you say?"

Shinji reached the park, faster than he had the day before, but still at a staggered pace compared to a comforting run. Suzuki was getting far more adept at learning his thought processes, and his evasions were closer and closer to failing. Rounding the gate, he saw a female he'd never seen before standing there, smiling in a calming manner at him. Tall, slender, standing with a poise that radiated competence and danger, the woman was clearly bait. Once more he felt the sense of intent change, and time slowed as he knew that the woman before him was the target now.

Days of arguing, of yelling at himself for throwing his life in the path of danger when he'd promised he wouldn't, of his instructors and his loved ones telling him that he needed to regard himself as more than a meat-shield, all coalesced in his mind. _Take the third option._ To his right lay a discarded frisbee, a heavier disc clearly intended for some sort of game rather than the typical 'catch'. Kneeling down and scooping it up, he wound his arm back and launched it directly at the place Suzuki had been standing the morning before.

The thwack it made as the projectile struck bony flesh was oddly satisfying to Shinji, the pained grunt even more so. The next sound was that of Suzuki's bow hitting the ground before the shed. _I shouldn't take joy in someone's pain, that's very rude of me._ Standing, he walked calmly over to the woman, bowing in greeting, "Good morning, ma'am. I'm Shinji Ikari, it's nice to meet you."

"Good morning, Shinji-kun," the woman's bow was grace incarnate, "my name is Suzuka. I would normally not approve of someone striking my husband, however in this particular instance I must thank you for your intervention." From her side, she exposed a wooden training sword, "Replacing the arrow shafts can be difficult, as he is very particular about the balance. When I cut them in half, he becomes petulant."

"Who uses a frisbee as a weapon?" Suzuki held his hand against his forehead as he approached, his other hand full of his bow and the frisbee in question, "This thing hurts more than it should, it's a damn toy!" Flipping it over to Shinji, he glowered, "Nice throw."

"An excellent throw," Gen whistled as he rounded the corner. "I see that our point has been made, and that you've already begun to look for ways around your limitations. This is excellent progress, Suzuki-san, wouldn't you say?"

"Yeah. Great." Suzuki sighed, "Throws a bit of a wrench in my plans for the morning. He was supposed to try and protect my wife." He frowned to the lone woman in the group, "I guess we go with your idea."

"As we ought to have from the first," Suzuka's tone was gently teasing. "Had we, you wouldn't be whining over a bump to your head." Ignoring her husband's growl of displeasure, she turned to Gen, "Old friend, would you assist me in this? I believe my spouse's injuries will prevent him from exercising due caution."

"My lady," Gen bowed politely. "Shinji-san, today we will teach you how to defend yourself against long range assaults supported by a close range assailant." He reached behind his back and pulled out a short wooden blade, the same length when scaled down that Unit-01 would wield, "Catch." Flipping it end-over-end towards his student, he observed his reflexes with a grin.

Shinji caught the blade by the handle, frowning, "That wasn't the way that you're supposed to hand these to someone, the range safety officer would be upset on base." He tested the grip, "It's a good size for me…."

"At least _someone_ understands that safety while training is important," Suzuka flowed over to the pilot, adjusting his grip slightly. Her slender fingers demonstrated a strength he wouldn't have anticipated from looking at her, their steady touch warm and comforting, "You hold it like this, Shinji-kun. Too tight, and it can be easily twisted free; too loose, and I will knock it from your grip. Balance, as in all things, is paramount. Now," she appeared to glide back, her feet hardly moving, "assume your ready stance. You have experience in that monster, I wish to see how that has infected your mind."

With a cleansing breath, he summoned the memories of his many knife fights in the giant Evangelion. His feet separated as he had been told by Gen and Suzuki, his free hand hovered above the blade as he utilized the grip she had set him to. His elbow bent ready to spring forward in a slash, or dive into a jab, the blade parallel to the ground. _This was inevitable. They've taught me so much, so quickly, they're readying me for anything. I_ must _be ready for anything._

Suzuka raised her eyebrow, "His eyes. For one so gentle, he can empty himself of everything quickly." She looked to her husband, "Is this your work?"

"No," Suzuki shook his head sadly. "Though, we have been given permission to educate the one responsible, should we find them, in the proper ways of raising a child." The poised professional looked to Gen as Shinji let his guard drop, "I told you she wouldn't believe me."

"It is hard to believe an anomaly," Gen shrugged. "He is unwell, and this is why we are here. But he has classes to attend, and we waste his time." Picking up Suzuki's bow and quiver, the stout man moved off with a quick step to reach a good position to fire from.

"He is correct," Suzuka turned back to Shinji. "Ready yourself, young warrior. Know that the pain we cause this day, we cause to spare you worse in the future." Her sword fairly jumped into her hand, held in one hand with her free arm folded behind her back, "The first lesson, keep the melee fighter between you and the individual at range." She swept in, and the lessons began in earnest.

+++++ 4th Angel + 6 : Wednesday (27)

Shinji arrived home with far fewer marks on his body than he anticipated. _Suzuka-san's blows didn't hurt._ He pushed the door slowly open, _She was surprised when I didn't react. I keep forgetting to tell someone, but what do I tell them? 'It doesn't hurt when someone beats me with a stick, is that bad?'_ He smirked at the expected reaction, nearly missing the subtle shift in the air pressure around him that preceded contact.

"Shinji," Kodama turned him to face her, her eyes a little wild, "where have you been?!"

Shinji tried to answer, confused as to where else she would have thought he was, "I w-"

She looked at his face, noticing a slight discoloration, then another on his arm, then more, "Did…did you go to training?"

"Ye-"

Her worry faded, replaced with anger, "You have school in a little over an hour, and they're beating you with…what, was that a wooden sword?" Her eyes narrowed, her cheeks puffing out slightly.

"It wa-"

She traced along the side of a particularly vibrant bruise, "Why on _earth_ are they training you with weapons?!"

" _Kodama,_ " Hikari snapped from the top of the stairs, "would you please let him explain himself? He's been trying to answer you, but you've been bulling over him." Descending the staircase with the kind of grace that would one day rival Suzuka's, his girlfriend gripped Kodama's shoulder, looking at her, then back to Shinji, "He needs patience, and trust. He knows what he's doing, remember?"

"Thank you," Shinji nodded slowly. "Is Nozomi ok? She said she'd tell you that I was out with Gen-san and Suzuki-san." He looked to the table, which was empty and clean, "She was eating some leftover rice when I came through," his mouth drooped into a frown as he berated himself for his weakness, "I should have made dinner last night."

"She's in the shower," his girlfriend answered placidly, "she told me that you were out training, like you have been." Turning her attention back to her sister, she urged her towards the kitchen, "Why don't you go start breakfast, Ko-Ko. I'm going to get Shinji in the shower, then I'll come back and help." She gave Shinji a significant look, _Don't._

Something was wrong, and she needed his help managing the crisis. Speaking the first thoughts that came to his mind, he tried an easy grin, "Yeah, I should get clean. I, uhm…I can't touch food with dirty hands, you know?" _Why do I suck this hard at making stuff up?_

Kodama's mood shifted away from the worry to a kind of foggy happiness, "Yes, yes you should. Don't you fret," wrapping her arms around his neck, she pulled him down into a lingering kiss. Slipping back, her smile a touch calmer, she winked up at him, "I'll make breakfast this morning. You just relax, let me handle everything." Swaying slightly into the kitchen, she seemed to be deliberately thinking through everything she did, as if it were no longer second nature.

"Come on," Hikari whispered, tugging on his shirt. "I'll explain in your room." Taking his hand and guiding him around the furniture between the door and the new addition, she kept her touch light. Sliding his door open, she looked back behind him as he moved past, then followed after him and closed the door quietly. "She gets like this, when she sees too much, or too deeply." Ushering him towards his bathroom, she moved to his drawers and began selecting his outfit, "She'll be fine in an hour or so, but she needs time to readjust to…." Her pause betrayed that she didn't quite know how to explain the concept.

"To _when_ it is," Shinji paused in the act of taking his shirt off. "That's how she knew about…." Finishing his motion, he stepped into the bathroom, leaving the door open enough to communicate, "A few weeks ago, when I first changed into…what I am now, whatever I am now…anyway, she caught me thinking about my past," _my future_ , "and she talked to me about getting lost in the past. She does that sometimes, doesn't she?"

"Oh thank you, Ko-Ko," Hikari sagged against the doorjamb, "she always explained it better than me. Knowing she talked to you about it makes it easier now. Yes," she admitted easily, "she loses touch with when she is, after an episode like she had last night." Turning around, she slid the door open, catching him in the act of finishing undressing, "Hear me out before you panic."

Shinji stopped moving, his knee raised as he pulled his foot out of his boxers, "Uhm…ok." _She…she knows what she's doing. She chose to do this._ He swallowed nervously, a slight rosy blush building, "I'm…uhm…I'm listening." Setting aside his final piece of clothing, he clasped his hands loosely before him and tried to slouch, though his body actively prevented the motions necessary to assume such a posture.

"Wow," she blinked rapidly, her own cheeks blushing deeply. Taking a fortifying breath, she then blew it out and nodded, "Ok. Ok, I can do this." Standing tall, she raised her eyes back up to his, "I…I'm sorry. I held back the fact that Kodama felt how she did. You deserved complete honesty from me, and I…haven't been giving it. I was, and am, terrified that you're going to find someone else. But I'm smart enough to know that you deserve to make your own choices, and was raised better than to try and poke you into making the ones I want just because I want them."

"Hikari…." He scowled, "I choose you. I chose, you. If I need to in the future I _will choose_ you." He gestured out to the rest of the house, "I gave you my word, all of you. I mean to keep it, no matter what."

"What if I get worse?" She stepped forward, "What if I keep getting bitchier and bitchier? What if I-"

"No matter what," Shinji interrupted firmly. "We're…we're supposed to be family. Family forgives each other." Reaching out haltingly, he took both of her shoulders in his grip and put as much sincerity as he could in his voice, "I love all of you, Hikari. Nozomi can be a bit overwhelming, but I'd hurt inside in ways I've never hurt outside if I never saw her again. Kodama can be hard to understand, but she's always honest and that's something I need in my life." He smiled sadly, "And you're the first person I think of in the morning, and the last person I think of before I collapse. Which," _tell her_ , "is why I need..." _Tell her!_

"Hey g…oh my," Kodama stood in the doorway, "I'm sorry, but if you want to do things you're _both_ supposed to be nude." Her grin was friendly, "Shinji, baby, I need my sis. Nozomi's having trouble finding her clothes, and I can't leave the kitchen alone for too long if we're all going to eat today."

"Nozomi," Hikari groaned. "Ok, I'm coming. Shinji, just…we'll talk later, ok?" She moved quickly out of the bathroom, hunting down her wayward sister.

Shinji nodded, looking at the ground before him as his conscience whispered to him, _You can't ask her to be completely honest with you if you aren't being completely honest with her. You need to tell her._ Realizing he wasn't alone, he looked up and saw Kodama gazing at him with concern writ large across her face, "Kodama?" When she didn't respond, he stepped closer, laying his hand on her arm, "Kodama?"

His touch acted like a bucket of ice water, causing her to shiver, her eyes to suddenly focus on the present, "Sh-Shinji! Hi! Sorry, I…did I tell Hikari about the Sprout?" Looking around the room, she saw her sister had left, "I guess I did. Sorry, I'm…."

He folded her in a hug, "It's ok. I know exactly how you feel," his walk with her the first day back to school following the change, his reaction to the visions of the moon, "and you're here. We're all here, and everything will be ok." _Please, let everything be ok._ "What can I do, Kodama? What do you need from me?"

With her hands gripping his back tight, she shuddered as she whispered hoarsely, "Just…just tell me you believe me." It pained him to hear the powerful young woman sound so defeated, "Lie, if you have to, just tell me that you don't think I'm insane."

"I don't think you're insane," _I need to tell them both._ "I know, without a doubt, that you are telling the truth. I promise you _I'm_ telling the truth, ok?" He stepped back slightly, crouching down to look her eye to eye. _When did I get used to being taller than everyone?_ "We're family, right? We support each other, and you supported me during my…stupidity. It's my turn. Soon, you, Hikari, and I are going to need to have a serious conversation. I'd do it now, but…."

Her smile was a mixture of gratitude and rueful amusement, "Class." Her eyes shot wide, "Breakfast, the stove!" Turning to dash out of the room, she left him alone.

The breeze created by her sudden departure reminded him of certain realities he had chosen to momentarily ignore. "Oh, damn it," Shinji grimaced, "I'm still naked."


	25. Chapter 25

+++++ 4th Angel + 6 : Wednesday (27)

"Hey hey!" Yang danced over when she caught sight of Shinji sitting in his classroom-assigned seat, "Where've you been stranger? I was starting to worry that you graduated early and left us mere mortals behind!" Hugging his head close, she whispered, "You worried me, Shinji. Please, _please_ , exchange numbers with me and call me when this stuff happens, ok?" Slipping back, she turned to Hikari and raised her voice to a normal timbre, "We supported the Class Rep as best we could, though. She was solid as a rock the entire time, even with you in the hospital."

"Yang-chan," Seika bumped her out of the way, moving to stand before Shinji, "you're blocking traffic. You, sir, need to be more careful." Wagging her finger at him, she scowled at him in wounded despair, "You can't go around being a hero all the time. You nearly died! What would have happened to everyone if the train hit you?"

Natsuko hugged him from the side, burying his arm between her more prominent assets, "It's not his fault, Seika-chan, Shinji-kun's just a bona fide wonderful person. He saw someone in danger and he acted, it'd be like asking a fish not to swim," her voice became darkly teasing, "or you not to eat all that chocolate."

"Shinji-san," Tsuru stood next to Seika, "how are you feeling? Hikari-san told us that you were unconscious for quite some time, my grandfather said that it can cause serious complications. Are you well enough to be in class?" Without jockeying for position, she managed to fill his vision, her eyes expressing without words the full range of her feelings.

"I-I'm fine," attempting to recover his arm from the, in his mind if in nobody else's, wildly inappropriate location it was in, he looked to see Hikari giving the trio a flat glare, "if Hikari-san wasn't there, Kodama-san was. At least, that's what Noelle-san told me." The shift in his girlfriend's demeanor was subtle; while the glare continued, it was more triumphant than anything else at the moment.

Four voices chorused simultaneously, "Who's Noelle-san?" His 'helpers' all looked at each other with varying measures of frustration, then turned back to regard him. Seika seemed darkly curious and annoyed, Natsuko's stance conveyed irritation that another woman had been around him where she might have been, Tsuru was confused by the foreign-sounding name as well as the way Shinji looked when he said it, and Yang was visibly hurt that someone else had been by his side but she wasn't even consulted.

"She's our friend," Hikari calmly explained. "Captain Minders was one of the two pilots that flew Shinji back to NERV for treatment, she's become close to the two of us."

Shinji nodded, then looked back to Hikari and tilted his head towards the pocket holding his phone, "She wanted me to keep my evening free, tonight. After training, we'll be having that meeting with all of the pilots. It was in that text message I was just talking about."

"I can't, tonight," Hikari mouthed 'Later' where nobody could see. "So you go, I'm sure you'll behave. I trust you to be responsible, even if Shinsuke-san and Noelle-san try to encourage you not to be."

"Always." He caught a mop of blue behind the group of young women that had him penned, "Rei-san," pulling his arm slightly more forcefully, he stepped to the side so he could see her, "you're out of your bandages! That's great!" With his attention on his coworker, he failed to notice the four increasingly dour looks of jealousy being directed at the albino pilot.

"Doctor Akagi approved my return to normal duty status," she looked at the 'helpers', then to Hikari, then back to Shinji. Turning to face the Class Representative, she tilted her head, "You should not permit our fellow students to encircle Shinji-san. Your claim to him is primary, and their behavior is disruptive to established social norms. As your peer, I must request you make clear your place as his paramour."

Hikari blinked, stunned. _She…she's not trying to…._ "Well, I agree that it isn't socially acceptable for them to flirt with him in the classroom, but I have to set an example which means I can't either. It's also rude of them to flirt with my boyfriend, and while I'd like them to stop I have to let Shinji show that he has his boundaries well in hand. I _also_ don't want to be too overbearing during non-class hours. It's not conducive to people relaxing, which makes learning difficult when they have to be on their best behavior." She smiled slightly at Shinji, "Besides, I trust my boyfriend not to be lured in by anyone that happens to walk past." _I haven't forgotten, little girl, but I am willing to listen._

Flushing with gratitude and joy at being trusted, Shinji shrugged, "I…I don't know that they're flirting, Rei-san. They're just worried that I missed so much class. It's nice to have _friends_ that miss me when I'm gone." _I'm taken. If they are flirting, I need to be clear with them._ "Like Hikari and I miss you when you're not in class," he looked to his girlfriend, hoping that she'd pick up on the signal and continue encouraging the reclusive bluenette.

Ignoring the pack surrounding Shinji, Rei closed in on him, forcing Seika to move aside as she paused to consider him for a moment. "I decided on sandalwood today. Your thoughts?" The question was delivered in the same emotionally dead monotone as every other statement, giving no clues as to its origin or intended destination.

Shinji frowned, confused for a second, then remembered the conversation at the mall, "Oh!" Leaning down slightly, he caught her scent and considered it. "I…don't believe so, Rei-san. At least, not in my opinion. If you like it though, then it's your body, and nobody else should ever tell you otherwise."

Nodding once, she turned to consider Hikari again. After a second, she stepped over to the freckle-faced beauty, "Representative Horaki, I would appreciate your opinion as well. As someone that Shinji-san trusts, I believe the additional data point would be valid as a basis of comparison."

Hikari looked to Shinji, then back to Rei, puzzling through what little information she'd been able to gather. Leaning in slightly, as Shinji had, she caught the scent of sandalwood and everything clicked into place. _She's trying to learn better grooming habits!_ "I agree with my boyfriend, Ayanami-san. Something softer, perhaps. Maybe vanilla, or even coconut." _She's never seemed particularly concerned with being well-kempt, and now that I look at her…this is interesting._

"Thank you," Rei frowned slightly, nodding to something unspoken. "May I request a moment of your time in private, Representative Horaki? I would appreciate an opinion on a separate matter, and would prefer to not contaminate other possible sources of similar opinions by your response."

Hikari looked up at the clock, "Sure. We have a few minutes." _Maybe she's really not after Shinji, she's just trying to be a part of his life. I may have just been seeing things where they weren't._

Shinji smiled, a secret joy at seeing his fellow Child reaching out to his girlfriend. If anyone could be a patient, giving, friend it was Hikari. "Yang-san," Shinji looked over to the one 'helper' he felt he could trust, "I hate to ask, but do you happen to have any extras today? For some reason, I'm still very hungry, even though I ate a good breakfast."

The cloud that had been building over her vanished as she beamed a grin at him, "Absolutely!" Yang swung her bag out, bumping Natsuko away from his desk, and settled it down before him, "You know, Ma says that you need to come visit. She wants Ba to take a look at you, make sure you're ok." Rifling through her bag, she pulled out one of the packages, "Just one? More?"

"Just one for now," Shinji took it carefully. "I don't want to have an upset stomach in class."

"When did you meet Yang-chan's mother?" Seika toyed with her hair, a calculating gaze in her eyes, "I didn't know you two were close."

"He visited my restaurant," Yang smiled, rubbing her status as preferred 'helper' in. "Got a good meal in him, spent an hour or two talking with me and my mom, it's when I gave him that charm. Oh," her eyes flicked back to Shinji, "can I borrow your phone?"

His mouth full, Shinji quietly handed the device over. She was right, in that as a friend of his it was wrong of him to not let her know that he had recovered. Swallowing his bite, he spoke softly, "I am sorry for worrying you, Yang-san. You're my friend, and I should have at least sent word that I was ok. I'll see what I can do about making another trip to the Blue Crane, once things are a little calmer at home."

"Troubles on the home front?" Natsuko bounced from side to side, her jiggle becoming increasingly intentional, "Did they move you again? After you left that supermodel's apartment, I thought they'd put you somewhere more stable."

"I…." _Forgot that nobody knows I live with my girlfriend but Yang._

"There we go," Yang shoved the phone before his face, cutting off the conversation before it had a chance to start, and showed him her entry under 'My China Girl '. "I took your number down, that way if I get a call from you I'll know who it is." She pushed his hand back up to force the meat bun into his mouth, "I promise I won't call unless it's seriously important. If I need to get in touch, I'll send a text."

"Still hungry?" Hikari's voice preceded her through the door, "I told you we didn't need to rush, you could have stayed at the table for another bowl." Nodding to Rei as the bluenette moved to her desk, she smiled in exasperation, "You work out for three hours in the morning, Shinji, you need to eat more. I know it's new, but if you don't eat, you don't perform well."

"Wise words," Yang nodded exaggeratedly. "Almost as if there are a whole bunch of people saying the same thing, you silly man." She grinned at the premier woman in Shinji's life, "You and I, Hikari-chan, we need to keep our eyes on him. He'll let himself waste away to nothing if we let him!"

+++++ 4th Angel + 6 : Wednesday (27)

Lunch arrived far later than Shinji had hoped, his hunger growing stronger during each class. As he went to leave the classroom for his typical spot, if it was open, he heard the next in an expected line of distractions.

"Shinji-kun!" Shinobu's voice carried over the crowd, causing him to turn and wait. When she reached him, she latched her arms around him squeezing tight, "Oh I was so worried! Poor Hikari-chan was all alone, and she was so sad. Are you ok? Did you make it through the morning classes well enough? Do you need to lie down? We can-"

"Shinobu," Hikari cut in on the young inn-resident's worried diatribe calmly, "he's fine. He heals quickly, he even fought an Angel again, remember?" Taking the arm that wasn't connected to her boyfriend, she guided her forward which brought Shinji along in turn. "Why don't you join us for lunch, you can hear his stomach eating itself from here."

"I didn't think I'd be this hungry," Shinji blushed. "I'm not normally, but I feel like I haven't eaten anything today." Reaching the old oak tree, Shinji cleared a spot for the two ladies before seating himself. The weather outside was cooler than usual, a slight breeze improving the area. He could see a number of groups eyeing him cautiously, concern obvious in their demeanor. Acting on an impulse, he waved collegially, receiving many relieved waves in return. _Simple acts,_ he thought, _I was a fool before._

"Does your new guardian not give you enough to eat?" Shinobu continued her parade of concerns, "I thought you were being paid, are you not taking proper care of yourself, Shinji-kun?"

"Shinobu," Hikari laid her hand on the young woman's knee. "Calm. Down." She smiled reassuringly, "He's not leaving, he's not wasting away. He's learning about his new body, and he's learning how much of a cost working out accrues." Motioning for Shinji to begin to eat, she pressed on, "Why don't you tell us about your date with your boyfriend? It was a day or so before the Angel attacked, wasn't it?"

" _Ex_ -boyfriend, thank you," the shift in her demeanor was sudden. "He got drunk three nights ago, one of the other women in the inn was celebrating a big break and dragged him out to a bar." She snapped her chopsticks apart viciously, "Then he comes back the next day, having been out all night without calling, and he has lipstick all over his collar!" Stabbing her lunch, she scowled down at her lap, "He says nothing happened, but can't explain the evidence on his shirt. I was a fool to think he'd change, still the same idiot that can't say no to anyone." Raising her eyes to Shinji, she let her voice soften, "I need to find someone like you, Shinji-kun. Someone that has honor, and will treat me with respect."

"I'm sorry that happened," Shinji frowned with genuine remorse. "From what Hikari told me you were pursuing him for some time. Even if nothing did happen, he let himself enter a situation that…." _What can I do to help, Ritsuko?_ "That…." His face fell, the hypocrisy becoming clear to him. _Is that what she wanted? Is she actually…with me?!_

"Shinji-kun?" The bluenette looked to Hikari, noting the irritation on her other friend's face, "Hikari-chan?"

"I've asked that you just use my name, Shinobu," Hikari's voice was placid, even if her features remained displeased. "We're friends, and you've asked us for advice far too much to worry about formalities." Giving a brief smile to the young woman, she opened her own lunch, "Shinji has had a number of people act in unexpected ways around him lately. It's been very challenging for him, and despite my reassuring him that I trust him implicitly, he blames himself for things that aren't his fault." She motioned for Shinobu to eat, "Much the opposite of what you think, Shinji treats me with far too much respect. He acts as if he is in total control of every situation he enters, all with the best of intentions. When other people act in ways he can't control, he assumes blame for their actions without considering that he bears no responsibility. It might just be that your ex-boyfriend did nothing but try to act like a good friend, a good manager."

"But the lipstick," Shinobu shook her head, "it was all over his collar. He smelled of perfume and…."

"I'm not saying I'm right, Shinobu," the freckle-faced beauty reached over to squeeze Shinji's knee, "I'm saying that there is a balance to be struck between demanding your partner avoid all women, and letting them do whatever they want without consideration of your feelings." She could feel Shinji watching her, "Where your Keitaro-san didn't seem to take you into consideration, Shinji too often focuses everything around me. I'm happy that he's friends with you, I even think I'm beginning to understand Rei-san. Misato-san? The woman he used to live with, she's actually someone I'd trust with him whole heartedly. It might be instead of focusing on finding a partner that wears blinders, you need a partner that understands limitations and can set them firmly with other men or women."

"Balance," Shinji recalled his lessons from earlier in the day, "yes. If you pay too much attention to your front foot, your back foot becomes the weak point. I need to…I'm a very lucky man, Shinobu." He relaxed visibly, "I have a girlfriend that lets me explain myself, she trusts me to be honest and when I give her what I see as the truth, she guides me through that truth to the real truth hidden behind my own…silliness."

Shinobu's eyes became sullen, "So…was I too harsh with Keitaro?"

"Can I ask you something," Shinji set his now empty lunch box aside, "and ask that you give me a truthful answer? Nobody will be upset with you for the truth, here. Hikari is far more patient and understanding than I could ever hope to be, and I know that I'll be patient with you no matter what."

"O…k," she nodded, "ok. If it will help me, I'll answer."

"If I weren't dating Hikari, and I asked you to go see a movie with me…say, 'Falling Blossoms', even though you were dating Keitaro-san. Would you consider it?" He tilted his head, "If you don't want to answer, that's fine. But if you do answer, be honest."

"Why would you be asking?" She hesitated, "Would you be asking because you…it's a romance movie, of course it would be a date." She frowned, looking inward. "I…I might. It depends. When I get angry at him, when I think about how he's just waiting until one of the others…." She blew her lips out, "I see."

"You want it to be love," Hikari asserted quietly. "But you aren't willing to trust him. Without trust, can it really be love?"

"Locker room naked," Shinji half-quoted. "Kodama's right, as horrible as the image is. I trust you, Hikari."

"I'm going to slap her," his girlfriend growled. "She had no reason to put that horrid image in your mind, Shinji. There were other ways to prove that point, and I am _never_ going to do anything that terrible to you." Spearing her sweet bun, she grumbled, "I think my sister just has a twisted fetish she's not willing to admit to."

"Auuuu," Shinobu bounced, "why can't I have a boyfriend that's like you, Shinji?" She pouted, "I know what you're saying, and…I know you're right. But…let me turn the question around! If you weren't dating Hikari, and I asked you to go see a movie, would you go?"

"I don't know," Shinji answered honestly. "Hikari…she saved me, Shinobu. Where I thought of myself as a burden, she's held me up as a boon. Every time I make some stupid decision, she's right there to bring me back to center. I honestly don't know what you would see in me, and I can't say that what you think is in here actually exists." He looked towards the school, to all of the memories of the past, "If it wasn't for her, I'd be drifting through life. I'd hang around people who'd use me for my status, people that didn't want to get to know who I actually was. I'd end up…living with _her_." The thought of Asuka confused him. How much of what she did was because she couldn't trust anyone? The call from her step-mother, how alive she sounded only to turn around and have it all be a lie. Her voice terrorized his life, but was she to blame for his weakness? Recalling himself, he turned back to the bluenette, "You are a beautiful, talented, generous woman, Shinobu. But the man that you think I am only exists because of the woman I love. Without her," _I was to help you die_ , "I might have just gone insane and died. Considering what my job is, I might have taken everyone with me to oblivion."

+++++ 4th Angel + 6 : Wednesday (27)

"Shinji!" Maya greeted him with a huge hug, "I'm so sorry that I haven't called, I've been setting up the new department, going through meetings after meetings after meetings," she clasped her hands around his, holding them under her chin and frowning cutely, "you forgive me, right?"

"O-of course," he blinked. _Am I supposed to call them? Is…should I call Misato more often?_ "What, uhm…what are we doing today?" He looked around the NERV office where he had been asked to present himself, "I thought we were doing more sync tests." _The next Angel is coming soon, if we're not doing tests, we should be practicing._

"Not until we decouple them from the Science Division," Misato's voice came from the other side of the room, behind a huge stack of paperwork. "Because oh boy, is there a hilarious amount of tree murder happening right now just trying to switch over the responsibility for funding to the new department. Come here," he saw a hand pop out from the side of Mount Deadtree, waving him over, "I want to show you something."

Maya took his arm, walking him over with a broad grin, "You're going to love it, Shinji. You've impressed the Sub-Commander so much that he's rewarding you _and_ rewarding your housemate." Her grasp on his arm was friendly. Affectionate, but not in the manner that Ritsuko's had been. The contrast between the two was adding more fuel to his worry that he might actually need to be seriously concerned about the bottle-blonde's motivations.

"Sign here," Misato handed him a pen, tapping a paper with a ludicrous amount of fine print. After he placed his mark, she tapped another section, "Initial." He followed instructions, "Initial, sign. Sign. Date. Initial. Sign. Kiss."

He paused, blinking, then shrugged and bent down to kiss his former guardian on the temple.

"Aww," Maya exclaimed happily, "he fell for it!"

Misato's smile was content, "You didn't have to do that last one. But…thanks, it's nice to feel appreciated."

"I…uhm, Hikari and Kodama say I should try to step out of my comfort zone with people I enjoy being around." He looked down to Maya, then to Misato, "The two of you are…kind of like big sisters to me. You stand up for me, and you try to stop me from doing anything outrageously stupid."

Misato's exuberant hug blocked Shinji from seeing Maya wince at the term 'sister' being applied to her. "I'm going to be the best big sister I can, Shinji," the violet-haired bombshell squeezed him tightly. "Thank you," she murmured with her head against his chest, "for forgiving me, for giving me a second chance to get to know you." Stepping back, she tapped the paper. Noticing that Maya had a contemplative look on her face she filed that away for later, "You have just formalized your position in NERV."

"I…what?" Shinji blinked, "Was I not formally a pilot?" _I don't remember needing to sign anything other than the security clearance forms. Even those were no more than sign and date._ "I'm not sure I understand what you mean."

"You, Shinji Ikari, are now officially Lead Pilot of the Eva Corps." Misato took his dumbfounded expression as surprise and not the sudden impending doom he was feeling, "Which means that you have an official support team, all of whom report to Maya as your supervisor, and through her the Sub-Commander."

"I'm… _Lead?!_ " Shinji looked down at the paper, "B-but why? I barely have any experience…."

"Two dead Angels worth of experience more than any other pilot we have," Maya re-entered the conversation. "Shinji, you have the most combat experience in this field of anyone else on Earth. All of the simulations in the world won't ready Ayanami-chan for actual combat, and she'll need to look to you for advice. She'll need to trust that she can come to you with questions about how to handle herself, and you need the official standing to step in if she needs that advice in the field."

"Maya and I talked about this for quite some time," Misato took his hands and held them gently. "We approached the Sub-Commander, and he approved of the idea quickly. He's eager to see you continue to grow, to have you take on more challenges, more responsibilities, so that you aren't just 'that guy who pilots robots'. So when all of this is over, you have something to stake yourself to and take pride in beyond…you know, the whole saving the world thing." Watching him slowly begin to adjust to the idea, she pressed the advantage, "I need you to follow orders, but I also need you to feel empowered to make tactical decisions based on what you see in the field, Shinji. These first two encounters, your instincts have been rock solid, and giving you the rights and responsibilities of a formal position will help your fellow pilots accept your experience as valid."

"Well…ok," he nodded slowly, "if, uhm…if you think this is the best idea." Shaking his ponytail back behind his shoulder, he looked between the two women, "I'll do my best. I'm curious, though, what does this have to do with the people I live with?"

"Oh!" Maya clapped, happy to have a chance to draw his attention back to her, "Kodama-san is going to be graduating early, with the expectation that she works with the Corpsmen here in NERV. They'll handle the last of her residency, then begin training her in their methods and tools. And, she'll be assigned with a rotating sponsor from their unit to overseeing your health and safety." She rubbed her fingers together, imitating money, "Her student debt will be paid off entirely so long as she stays employed in this position for the time that you're a pilot with us. Imagine how nice that's going to be for her, to not have to worry about employment, debt, and then there's the benefit of having the bullet point on her C.V. that she worked with not only an elite medical unit in NERV but held the responsibility of your health and safety. It's a huge opportunity for her, the Sub-Commander has a meeting with her tomorrow to go over it."

"You'll also be assigned a pair of folks from the pilot's corps," Misato picked up the thread, "they'll be the only ones authorized to take you and the other pilots anywhere that you might need to travel. Noelle Minders is currently alone in accepting the position," she rolled her eyes, "she's canvassing the other pilots to see who else will take the responsibility seriously." Tapping Shinjis elbow, she wagged her finger at him, "Do not allow Shinsuke Moritama to talk you into him being the other pilot. He is a horrid influence, and I do not want you picking up his cowboy habits."

"We should hurry," Maya looked behind her at the clock. "Noelle-san did say that she wanted to introduce him to the rest of the pilots tonight, and he has school in the morning. The tests we have planned for today, Shinji, are all reaction-based drills. We're not going to tell you the situation in advance, we want you to react using what you've practiced in a simulated environment, ok?" She took his arm again, "We'll walk to the lockers while Misato gets the bridge crew ready."

"Right," Shinji nodded. Setting his pace to match the much shorter woman's, he held the door open for her with his free hand, "When will Rei-san be joining me for practice?" Closing the door quietly behind him, he kept his eyes moving around the hallway, the morning sessions with Suzuki and Gen teaching him the value of being aware of his surroundings. "If we're going to work as a team, we really should practice as a team, shouldn't we?"

"She is testing under Akagi-san," Maya stated blandly. "We've asked her to let us hold joint practices, we were hoping to start today actually, but she insists that it wouldn't be in Ayanami-chan's best interest to have her first complete day back in 'that environment'," she air quoted. "We've asked the Sub-Commander to review the situation, but I wouldn't expect her to be practicing with you today. Even tomorrow would likely be too soon."

Shinji frowned, "A lead pilot with no…what do I call them?"

"Wingmen," Raffle added as she jumped up onto his back. "The people you fly with are called 'wingmen', doesn't matter who's lead or who's wing, we're all wingmen to each other." The pilot had snuck up behind him as she exited an elevator they had passed, taking the opportunity to gauge how her newest friend was feeling.

Instinctively grasping her legs with his free arm to stop her from falling, Shinji looked over his shoulder at the blonde's lupine grin, "So I have two wingmen," nodding he turned back to Maya, "and neither of them will be practicing with me. That doesn't make me a very good lead pilot, wouldn't you say?"

"Two?" Noelle hopped off, happy that he hadn't shoved her away or hunched away from her, "I only know about Little Girl Blue. We get another robo-jockey in?"

"No, only Ayanami-san," Maya tilted her head in confusion. "Who are you talking about, Shinji?"

 _Me and my idiot mouth. Have I been told about her? Do they know I know?_ "W-well," he rolled his hand, "I'm…uhm, I'm the 'Third Child', and Ayanami-san is the 'First Child'. Doesn't that mean that there's at least a 'Second Child', somewhere out there?" _Good job, Shinji. You don't seem like you're making this up_ at all. _Idiot._

"Oh, well yes," Maya laughed at herself. "You would put that together pretty easily, wouldn't you? There is another pilot at a NERV facility in Berlin. She's the pilot of Unit-02, and once they finish the shakedown of that Eva, they'll be transferring it and her to us here. You'd have to talk to Misato, though, because I haven't been involved in that at all. She could show up tomorrow, or next month, or next year for all I know."

"Two ladies, to one man?" Raffle slugged him in the elbow, "You get to be the odd duck. Another thing you and I have in common to grouse over." Tossing her thumb behind her, she rolled her eyes, "There's only one other lady driver here, and she's the bird that flies the Commander everywhere. Not exactly a bastion of combat experience, let me tell you." Leaning forward to look around him at Maya, she grinned, "So, did our boy here tell you what we call him?"

"No," Maya looked up at the man between them, "are they teasing you, Shinji?"

"N-no," he came to a stop at the locker room. "It's…I think it's kind of the opposite."

"You're darn tootin' it is," Noelle smirked. "If it's any kind of teasing, it's the friendly type. Now go get your zoombag on Paladin, I want to hit the O-Club while the night's young."

"Yes, ma'am," Shinji bowed politely, walking into the room to begin the process of changing into his work clothes.

"Paladin?" Maya pursed her lips, "It fits." With a smile she pulled out her phone, typing a text to remind herself to find something thematically appropriate as a gift for his birthday. Or whenever. _I have to show him I'm able to be more than just a sister. Can't let myself be pigeon-holed before I've even had a chance to talk to the two of them._

+++++ 4th Angel + 6 : Wednesday (27)

Ripping his progressive knife out of the simulacrum, Shinji kicked the false Angel away and pulled up his sidearm. The two closest approaching targets received four bullets each, forcing him to stop to reload. That action provided enough time for the three next Angels to make their approach and fall atop him, burying him under quivering mock-ups.

"Not bad," Misato applauded. "I wouldn't leave you out alone in this situation in reality, but you took down seventeen before you were overwhelmed. Had your pallet rifle not jammed, you might have been able to keep the string going." Pressing a few keystrokes to end the simulation, she gestured to Makoto, "Go ahead and pull them off him. What do you think, Paladin? I think this is a good place to end for today, gives you a lot to contemplate, come up with some ideas for how to handle a crush of numbers."

"Ma'am," the lead engineer's voice was respectfully low, "would you please have someone teach your pilot how to properly swing the rifle as a hand-to-hand weapon? Repairing the rifles eats into our budget for overall repairs, and you have to admit that it would improve his combat ability as well. Everyone in my old unit was taught, and I'm sure you have people on your team that could handle it."

"The baseball swing was effective," Misato stated with a smirk, "but I agree. Paladin, you and I are going to spend some time soon teaching you basic rifleman tactics. Sound good?"

"Yes, ma'am," the Third Child was engaged with helping the false Angels move into positions so that the Engineering teams could transport them back to where they needed to go. "Please tell Sugihashi-san that I am sorry for causing his team extra work, and that I will try to be more cautious in the future."

The engineer smiled appreciatively, "You have a good subordinate, Captain. My team deeply appreciates his hard work and strong sense of responsibility." Bowing in farewell, the man left to go begin triaging repairs and other necessary work that followed any Eva activation or exercise.

"Once you're done, Paladin, bring her in. Wash up and meet me in my office, we'll debrief and then I'll let you get going." Eyeing her ward's 'date' for the evening, she frowned slightly, "Bridge out." Flipping the switch on her console to allow everyone to control their own microphone connections to Unit-01, she walked over and leaned in to speak with the energetic pilot, "Minders-san, do you have a moment?"

"Sure," the woman had changed into a tight pair of jeans and form-fitting t-shirt, "let's head to your space. I'll wait outside while you tell him to be careful tonight, and then when he comes out I'll remind him that he's supposed to keep his guard up even while he's reloading. Leaves himself open sometimes, tunnel vision. Never a good thing for a pilot to develop."

Misato nodded, agreeing with her assessment. Once the pair were in the hallway, which was as private as any place they would find in NERV, she addressed her main concern, "What is your intent with my ward?" She tried to keep the question free of baggage, having already had her nose smacked with a rolled-up paper for assuming anything once, and not feeling terribly keen on repeating the experience.

Raffle rolled her eyes, "Oh I plan on taking him to the Officer's Club, getting him nice and soused, then ravaging his young nubile body until he can't see straight." Raising her eyebrow, she gave her fellow Captain a sidelong look, "I told you, Katsuragi, I want him to meet the other pilots. He needs to loosen up, if he's going to live long enough to enjoy his pending marriage to Hikari. You tell me you don't see the darkness whirling around in him, and I'll tell you to find an optometrist."

Taking a final gauge of the woman, Misato sighed and nodded, "Ok. Just remember he has school in the morning, and don't let any of those assholes push him into anything he's not ready to do." Stopping outside of her office, she shook her head slightly and grimaced, "I'm not his mother, I'm barely his guardian, but I can't stop from worrying that I'm not doing enough to make sure he's taken care of. You're getting a pass tonight because Hikari responded to my text to her that she knew you were taking him out. Don't abuse my trust, and I won't have Unit-00 abuse your motorcycle, clear?"

"Don't fret," the blonde pilot let her wolfish smile free, "he'll be fine. I doubt he'll drink more than one glass, doesn't seem the type, and he definitely won't do anything that would endanger his relationship. A Paladin is nothing without his Light, and he knows that through and through." Her grin faded, "You sure you want to take him to the 'Over the Rainbow' with you? Leaving the city with only Bluebell to take care of it doesn't seem strategically sound."

"It isn't my call," Misato shrugged. "The Sub-Commander insists he goes, which means you go. Unless you want to trust the other pilot you choose?"

Raffle rolled her eyes, "Bah, Pally'll be my co-pilot. Teaching him how to handle an Osprey will give me something to do on the flight. I'm not upset I have to go, Katsuragi, I'm worried that he'll spend the whole trip worrying about the city and his lady love instead of being excited to get out of the city. Even if it is to meet his new wingman. Speaking of," she frowned, "did anyone spill the beans? He asked after her obliquely today, said he had two wingmen and neither was in his sandbox to play with him."

"He hasn't said anything to me," the Tactical Commander shook her head slowly. "He probably just put two and two together, with him being the Third, and Ayanami-chan being the First. He's not stupid, even if he does dumb things from time to time."

Noelle smirked, grim amusement evident in her eyes, "Yeah, well, you already know we need to be cautious. Soryu's a sack of wet cats on her best days, and she doesn't like me much after I popped her current guardian in the craw for getting handsy with me. I'll leave the intros to you, when we go." An idea popped into her mind, "Hey, why don't we take Hikari with us? Give you and her some facetime, let Shinji show her him acting all professional and suave."

"Hmm…I like it," Misato nodded approvingly. "It'll be a family trip. Good thinking, Minders-san." _He won't be as worked up with her where he can see her, the girl calms him in ways I wish someone did for me. Make him meeting Asuka easier too, introducing her to her new Class Rep…maybe they could become good friends._ Someone _needs to befriend her, and Hikari's got ten times the patience of anyone I know. Except maybe Shinji._ She looked down the hall, anticipating her ward's approach, "Good thinking."

+++++ 4th Angel + 6 : Wednesday (27)

Taking a deep drink of the mead one of his fellow pilots set down in front of him, Shinji determined that not all alcohol was as noxious as the stuff Misato preferred. The honey-flavored brew was just sweet enough to be enticing, but not so sweet that it hurt the tongue or teeth. It reminded him of Kodama, after a fashion.

"Nah, see," Feelgood held his hand up and still, miming a V.T.O.L., "a stationary target's a dead target. The only time you should be flat-footed is when you're loading or off-loading personnel." A peanut shell bounced off of the side of his hand, Glitch grinning happily, "As you see, it makes it easy for S.A.M.s to drop you to the ground. Or, in your case, for Angels to dog-pile you and take you out of the scrum." The rockstar-looking pilot picked up his glass of beer, taking a swig, "Always be in motion, it makes it easier to jink if you have to."

"A little sway goes a long way," the man introduced as Toggle nodded. "Which is good, because a little sway's all Raffle has."

The table exploded in laughter, redoubling as the young captain made a rude gesture to her comrade, "I'll have you know that Paladin likes my sway. If he weren't taken, he'd be a hell of a lot better catch than any of the rest of you blighters." Her wolfish grin ratcheted up to eleven as she wrapped her arms around the neck of the young man on her left, she winked, "In fact, he's going to challenge Glitch in my name."

"Oh?" The lanky pilot receiving the challenge raised an eyebrow, "And what's the game?" His dark skin stood in sharp contrast to his bright smile, the eagerness obvious to any who saw him.

Raffle pointed her mug at him, "A footrace. Four hundred meters, your speciality."

The man's eyes lit up, "And the stakes?" His fingers danced on the table, his interest keenly provoked.

"He loses, I pick up the next four tabs. He wins, you get him one of those knives Vidar prefers." She gestured towards the big towheaded pilot, who had been the one to give him his drink, urging him to show Shinji the blade. "Everyone needs a good knife, boyo, and these monsters are some of the best I've ever seen."

Quietly, as it seemed he did everything, the blonde giant drew out a western-style survival knife. Rotating it easily in one hand, he offered it hilt-first to Shinji, nodding to indicate that he had permission to hold it.

Taking the blade carefully, Shinji could tell that it was heavier than he was used to, but not so heavy that it made it unwieldy. Tilting it so it caught the light, he noted that only the very edge of the blade seemed to generate a reflection, the rest of the metal was somehow matted and dull preventing any shine from giving away the metal, "It is a very nice knife, what's it made of?"

"He won't say," Feelgood shrugged. "Stupidly expensive, but I've seen him carve stuff apart with it that shouldn't come from together that easily, so I'd say it's worth the cost. It's a fair exchange, Glitch. The Knight Errant against the Errant Night." He mused for a second, "Sidebar: Paladin wins by more than half a second, I'll host a pig burn at my place. He wins by less than half a second, he hosts. He loses," he pointed to Noelle, "you host."

"That's not really fair," Glitch shook his head, "since I'm going to win. She doesn't have the space in that rabbit warren she lives in for all of us plus crew." He smirked at Shinji, a friendly competitive vibe that reminded him of Toji, "It's up to you, though. I'm fine with the wagers, since I won't lose."

Returning the knife, Shinji bowed his upper torso slightly in thanks to the big man for letting him see the weapon. "Noelle-san, are you-" He stopped as she tightened her grip on his upper torso, "Sorry, sorry. _Raffle_ , are you certain you want me to do this?"

"I'm positive," she stuck her tongue out at him. "If you and your Light don't work out, I'll just hold you to that promise of a date. We'll do this tomorrow, before your driving practice for the day. I'll get Ibuki's permission to use the time as a crew morale event, you bring the ladies since Kodama should be starting work tomorrow if all goes well." She turned back to the table, "Anyone else wants to show off the F.N.G. to their plus ones, we'll have a nosh while he gets battered around in that big purple bitch, it'll be a grand old time."

"I like it," Toggle knocked on the table. "My old lady's been bugging me to introduce her to you, Paladin. Ever since word got out that you," he gave an apologetic half-grin, "you know, don't have a family no more. She's a sucker for sob stories, and yours is about as sobby as they come. So come on," he leaned forward, "give us a good race."

Shinji looked down at the cup of mead, his third of the evening, noting that it was mostly gone and yet not feeling even slightly light-headed. "If everyone agrees; but I don't want anyone to be held accountable if they can't afford their end of the wager. We shouldn't be hurting each other," his frown darkened, "we have too many enemies willing to do that for free."

"Good man," Vidar rumbled. Reaching over and taking Shinji's glass, he walked over to the bar and got him a refill.

"I'd say you're in," Glitch winked at Shinji. "Big guy never says peep, poo, or baa to anyone unless he likes 'em." Laughing as Vidar flicked the back of his head as he brought Shinji his drink, he hefted his own mug, "Well then, we have our first reason to toast. To the newest member of the Damned! To Paladin, Defender of the Light, Guardian of Tokyo-3, and second fastest Pilot in the Corps."

"We'll see," Raffle raised her mug, prompting Shinji to follow suit, "about that last bit tomorrow."

The conversation turned at that point to simple matters, old stories, and attempts to get Shinji drunk. Lines were opened between the pilots and their newest ally as they grew to appreciate the calm, gentle, nature of the Third Child. To them, it seemed as if he wasn't the kind of man cut out for killing, but the proof of his actions set any such doubts aside easily. As the night went on, the numbers at the table dwindled with people tapping out or passing out as their tolerances decided. Finally, after far longer than Shinji had thought they would have been interested in talking with him, it was only him, Raffle, and Vidar at the table.

"I'm just sayin'," Raffle slurred, "you an' that lady of yers should get hitched. She's a vision, an' 'struth, an' ye love her."

Shinji shook his head, still as sober as he had been when he entered the Officer's Club, "She can do far better than me, Raffle. And I'm never going to be the kind of husband she deserves so long as I have to fight the Angels. What kind of life would I offer her, never knowing when I'll be home? Whether or not I'll come home when I leave? I appreciate where you're coming from, and I do love her dearly," it still felt almost illicit of him to admit that in public, "but she can't be my first priority now." Turning to face the big Norseman, Shinji shrugged, "You see what I mean, right Vidar?"

Nodding once, the giant patted Raffle on the back, "Come, little one. I will get you someplace to sleep this off. The Paladin knows what is best for those he protects, and we must respect his devotion to duty, if not his devotion to his loved ones."

"An' you," Raffle's head drooped back as she gazed up at her would-be nursemaid, "why din ye speak when everyone else is about?" She made a half-hearted effort to fight him off when he picked her up, carrying her as one would a small child, "Ye've got good stuff in the thinkin' box, but ye din share it."

"Because it doesn't matter what we say," Shinji stood, picking up their glasses to carry to the bartender. "It matters what we do." Returning the woman's nod from behind the bar, he held the door open for Vidar and his cargo and snorted a laugh, "I think I understand that better than most, Raffle."

"Good man," Vidar favored Shinji with a tight grin. Nodding a farewell, he carried Noelle towards his truck.

"Don't worry about her," Akane appeared from the position she'd taken on a nearby bench. "It's not the first time Haraldson's carted her home. His wife has a cot set aside just for her, she'll be fine."

"I don't doubt it," Shinji asserted calmly. "I do doubt Noelle-san would have been as calm if she didn't feel safe with him." Turning to face his shadow, he sighed, "I was out a little later than I thought I should be, do you know what time it is?" Looking up to the sky, he saw the stars were out in force, "There wasn't a clock in there that I could see."

"It's around twenty-two thirty," Mikoto stepped out of the doorway behind him. "Let's get you home, I'm sure Hikari-chan's nice and worried that you're going to be drunk as a lord." She looked him up and down, "The way you were putting those away, I'm surprised you're not. Guess you can handle your drink pretty well." Holding up two hands, she set two fingers down, "Eight mugs of that stuff Haraldson drinks, you couldn't tell by looking at him."

"It…probably just doesn't have much alcohol," Shinji looked down, uncomfortable with knowing how much he'd actually taken in. "But we _should_ get going, I have to get up to workout in five hours." Not giving the other two women time to ask more questions that he didn't have answers for, he moved towards their vehicle, and home.


	26. Chapter 26

+++++ 4th Angel + 7 : Thursday (28)

"Good morning, Shinji-san," Gen seemed surprised when he greeted his young trainee at the door, "I had heard you were out drinking with some of your compatriots last night. _Late_ , last night. You don't seem the type to be rude and abstain, and yet you show no signs of intoxication." Leaning in to sniff, his eyebrow raised, "Did you simply drink water?"

"Eight full pints of alcohol, according to Ichigo-kun," Suzuki walked up, Suzuka beside him. "It seems our young scion here is a waste of perfectly good booze."

"Good morning, Suzuka-san," Shinji bowed politely to the lady of the group, manners being far too important to ignore regardless of the ability of the woman he addressed to pound him into the dirt. "Gen-san, Suzuki-san," he inclined his head to the two men who weren't as inclined to formality. "I honestly feel fine. Other than the normal…issues, I guess, where you drink too much liquid. Whatever Vidar-san was giving me must not have had much alcohol, he seemed fine after drinking about the same I did."

"Mead," Suzuki answered Gen's questioning look. "Perhaps eighteen, twenty percent. His minder tried a single glass, her assessment was that our student has a stout constitution. We shall see how he holds up the morning after," stepping aside for his wife, he held his hand out in the direction of the park they trained in. "Keep your pace to hers, Shinji-san. No faster, no slower."

Suzuka, it seemed, was born to run. While Shinji felt he could have easily outpaced her, the newest trainer started out at a pace that would have been punishing before his change. "It pleases me to see that you take these exercises seriously, Shinji-kun." Without breaking stride, she handed him his training knife, "The Horaki family could not have chosen a better man to shelter, if you approach everything you do with this same vigor."

"I'm lucky Hikari-san asked to help me," Shinji held the weapon in a single hand with a reversed grip, bracing the wooden length along his forearm to stop it from accidentally hitting anything or looking any more like a lunatic to any passersby than he already did. "They've been wonderful to me, and I'll do anything I can to repay that kindness."

"Mmm," she nodded once. "Whatever unnatural spirit possesses you, it is clearly benevolent. You do not even breathe heavily during a controlled run. Tell me," she asked in a voice that wouldn't have been out of place in discussing the weather, or the changing of the tides, "what are your intentions towards the Horaki women?"

 _Intentions?!_ "I-I don't have _any_ intentions!" Shinji shook his head vigorously, struggling between keeping his eyes on the path before them and looking at his newest instructor to assure her that there would be no 'intentions' happening in the Horaki household while the patriarch was away, or even after he returned for that fact, "I'm happy j-just knowing that Hikari-san likes b-being around me."

"So you do not wish to bed her?" She looked sidelong at him, "That's unfortunate, I would imagine she'd be quite eager to lay with the man that won her heart. What of Kodama-chan? Are you equally disinterested in her affections? She has never been overly interested in companionship, turning down many offers to pursue her education. Do neither of them please you?"

"A-affections?" Shinji blinked rapidly, trying to see the point of the question, "I…uhm, I'm happy when she hugs me. I t-try to do what she's asked me to do, and give her a kiss in the morning, but…I wouldn't say I'm disinterested, just I'm not going to push either of them towards… _intentions_." Sensing her motion, and barely getting his defense up in time, he parried an overhand slash from her practice sword, "Whoa!" She struck twice more, all while maintaining the run, allowing him each time to slap the well-telegraphed blow aside.

"That is not what I meant, Shinji-kun," her tone was chiding. "I doubt your capacity to push Hikari-chan towards a meal of your choosing, much less push her towards your bed should she not wish to go there. Whatever history you have with the concept of intimacy between man and woman, it is clear that you have much further to go than most men your age. A man must have strong passions to keep two women contented. Do you perhaps hide yours as you hide everything else? You show fear readily enough, and sorrow. But nothing of joy, or pleasure. It worries me, and as their mother's second, I must know the truth before I will be content to allow things to continue."

 _Two women? I'm not_ with _Kodama!_ Shinji had no good response to give, especially since he knew she was right, at least about the last part. Joy was a foreign concept to him, and pleasure was something he'd had precious little of. He enjoyed playing with Nozomi, being teased by Kodama, just existing around Hikari, but actually displaying those emotions…. The rest of the run was silent, the training equally so. He had been given something to think about, and something to worry over. _Am I not being fair to Hikari? Am I not showing her how I feel? …Does that hurt her feelings?_

+++++ 4th Angel + 7 : Thursday (28)

Later that morning, Shinji stood by the stove, the one place where he was most comfortable both in and with the world. Ingredients went in, food came out, and everything happened the way it ought to. There were no complications, nothing was confusing, nothing for him to worry over but heat, time, and motion. The meals he created for the household might not be enough, in the grand scheme, to demonstrate to the women _how_ he cared for them. But for now, it was something he could do to show the three women in the house _that_ he cared.

"So I see they didn't make you drink too much," Kodama's voice preceded her into the kitchen. "Either that or you burned it off during your morning beatings," she reached him, taking his arm and shaking her head at the red marks. "How are you feeling? It's been a rough couple of days, and I've added to them. I'm kind of glad, though. It feels nice to have that secret off my chest." Her touch was gentle, and she had a difficult time meeting his eyes.

The look of contrition on her face didn't suit her, Shinji decided. _A man must have strong passions…._ Reaching down, he lifted her up slightly so that he could greet her as she had asked to be greeted. The kiss wasn't much different than the first one he'd agreed to give her, just slightly more practiced. It wasn't too much for her to ask for, and Suzuka was correct in that he didn't do enough to _show_ them that he appreciated them. Words were nice, but actions meant more. Letting her down gently, he gave her his warmest smile, "Good morning, Kodama. I'm fine, I-"

Leaping up, she wrapped her arms around his neck, her legs about his hips, and laced her fingers through his hair as she took a second helping of what he offered. Compensating for her additional weight, Shinji stepped back and bumped against the bend in the counter-top, reflexively grasping around the backs of her upper thighs to support her. She lingered at the task far longer than Shinji would have thought to, and fear began to war with his other less irrational emotions as he worried that she was still in the grips of her own time-related confusion. Surely she was confused, why would she be so eager to kiss him like she was?

Slowly, she withdrew enough to allow him to speak, "K-Kodama," he was more out of breath than he thought he'd be. Sprinting didn't cause him to be this winded, "Are…uhm…are you ok?" _I'm going to need to tell Hikari about this. I need her to understand that I don't know what I'm doing. If this is what kissing her does, I'm clearly doing something wrong._

"Oh, I'm wonderful," she touched her lips to his lightly once more, her voice warm and smoky. "How are you?"

 _These aren't her thighs._ "Y-you, uhm…you're just wearing your thong today," his desire to let go of the part of her body he just realized he was holding onto clashed directly with the part of his mind that demanded he not allow her to come to the harm of an uncontrolled fall to the floor. "I'm…uhm, I'm sorry that I-"

"If you apologize for holding my ass," Kodama sing-songed, "I might just have to show you how well I've studied Judo." She locked eyes with him, her smile fading into a look of longing, "You and I are going to go on a date. We're going to try doing things I like to do, and we're going to see if maybe you like them too." Rocking her hips slightly, she ran her feet along his legs as she felt him between her own, "I want you to tell me, right now, if you aren't even slightly interested in me, Shinji. If it had been me on the ladder, and not Hikari, would you be with me first?"

 _I'm enjoying this. I'm a pervert. I'm everything Asuka accused me of being._ "I-I'm with Hikari," Shinji's stammer slipped its leash. "I-I c-can't say th-that w-we'd-"

"Yes or no, Shinji," using the strength in her core muscles to balance she leaned back, sitting directly on a part of him that was waking up rather quickly. "Do I interest you?" He could see her preparing for rejection, the walls slowly rising to protect herself as she was turned away from him due to the capricious whims of fate. "Is this," her hips shifted slightly, "just a reaction to hormones and abstinence?"

 _Fate_ , he scoffed. _I need to tell them. It doesn't matter if I think she's wonderful, once she knows where I'm from she'll hate me._ "I'll tell you…after we've had a talk. The three of us." Steeling himself, he lifted her up enough to force her to disengage the leg-lock she'd placed around him, then set her down on her feet. "If we're all going to be completely honest with each other…there are things that I need to share. Things that might change how you all feel about me. I wouldn't feel right…telling you how I felt, without telling you where I'm from."

"Tonight, then," she could sense that he wasn't rejecting her, instead rejecting himself. "We'll talk after the Sprout goes to bed."

+++++ 4th Angel + 7 : Thursday (28)

The walk to school seemed to be the best opportunity to prepare Hikari, and so Shinji dragged his feet slightly. "Hikari…do you have a moment?" He swallowed, not looking forward to what he had to say, but needing to say it anyway. _I enjoyed it. I'm a pervert._

"Is it about Kodama?" The Class Rep wasn't fully out, but the edge in her voice clearly indicated that Hikari was primed for an argument, "Because she told me what she did. If you even think for a _second_ about taking the blame for this," keeping her hand in his, she gave him a sidelong warning glance, "I'm going to drag you into the bushes and kiss you until you see sense."

"Y-you…." The 'threat' didn't make sense to him. "The bushes?" Looking to the side, he noticed the thick shrubbery lining the hilltop swaying in the breeze, "I…uhm, I…kiss me?" The threat really just didn't make sense.

"Ok," pulling him to a stop, she tugged him down and kissed him with far more passion than he was used to in public. She had to stand on her toes to do so, and he had to slump, but there was no place either of them would rather have been at that moment. Following a long, slow, count to twenty, she dropped to her heels and gave him a cat-that-got-the-canary grin, "You did ask."

"I…uhm, I did," Shinji nodded, too confused to argue the point, "after a fashion."

"She also told me that we're going to have a talk tonight. I think it's a respectable idea, and I want you to know that no matter what…." She trailed off, looking back to the house, "I support you, ok? I don't love you because you love me, or because you're something I don't think you are. I love you because of the man you've shown me, and because of the things you've done for my family." Smiling back at him, she shook her head slowly, "You and I aren't done, Shinji. Not by a long, long ways. Now, come on," taking his hand, she turned him towards the school again. "That's later tonight, and we have class to attend, training to do, and you have a race to win."

+++++ 4th Angel + 7 : Thursday (28)

"Other than the selection of the standby pilot, the unit has been solidly formed." Finished with his briefing, Kozo switched the main monitor back to the cost display for transporting Unit-02 from Berlin to Tokyo-3, "Everything has been set so that at no point in time is he ever without someone to prevent him from willingly engaging in rash decisions. He has additional responsibilities that we're placing upon him to keep him engaged, and most importantly he'll be viewing his life through how he effects the world around him."

"The reports you forwarded to the General Assembly," shifting the conversation away from the established point of discussion, Gendo tapped a stack of folders, "you seem to have decided to leave in a great many details that go directly against proper procedure. I expect you have an explanation?"

 _Here we go. All in._ "The Council will have a challenging time explaining away the inconsistency between their official account and what actually happened. As much fun as you may have had eliminating certain problems, this will force any bad actors to use even greater discretion as the news media focuses everything on the Third Child's bravery. Going forward, the UN will either sanitize all media coverage regarding the Angel attacks, which will generate anger among those nations not members of SEELE as well as a not-insubstantial number of citizens within SEELE-governed nations, or they will have to admit that the entirety of the world's safety lies on the shoulders of a young man who was the target of repeated assassination attempts while they cut the security budget every month."

"Reducing their options," Gendo murmured. "Who did you use to disseminate the account?"

"Ryoji Kaji," the old professor rolled his hand, "it seemed best to use established hands to limit the number of variables in play. I let him 'discover' the reports on an encrypted node he believes we don't know he has access to. He, as expected, transferred the data directly to a number of his contacts in the I.G. Section of the U.N. that's been sniffing around the SEELE council for some time now."

"Interesting." Gendo looked at the stack of folders, the brief conversation clearly over.

 _All that needs to happen now, is you having a change of heart about this madness._ Kozo held his tongue, recognizing the ice around him was not terribly thick. _We can win, if you'd just put your skills to a better use than orchestrating the ritual sacrifice of your only child to reunite in death with a woman that willingly abandoned you both!_

"I'll expect updates on any actions taken by the Inspector General office. While they are useful for keeping the old men off balance, they could just as easily turn their attentions to the Third Child's recent transformation. Looking too deeply may lead them to the First, and that would be inconvenient," the Commander of NERV shifted his glasses slightly, his steely gaze becoming visible, "for everyone."

"Understood," _another rook off the board. I might still win this game,_ "I'll see to it personally."

+++++ 4th Angel + 7 : Thursday (28)

"Good morning Shinji-san," Rei arrived earlier than normal to class, "good morning, Hikari-san." Pausing before Shinji's desk, she tilted her head to the side a fraction in anticipation of his inspection.

"Good morning, Rei-san," Shinji politely stood, leaning down enough to catch her scent. "Coconut," he nodded slowly, s _he's making an effort. It's confusing as all get out, but she's climbing out of her shell._ He laughed mentally, _And she's not making those odd requests of me anymore._ That's _worth all of this alone._ "It's ok. Better than yesterday." Standing up to his full height, he smiled, "But what do _you_ think, Rei-san?" _If this keeps up, it won't seem so odd for me to have a few moments alone with her to discuss what she was talking about._

"Presenting my opinion before all available data has been gathered would nullify the neutrality of third-party assessments. It is tactically unwise to limit the available sources of information in such a manner." Shifting towards Hikari, she waited patiently.

Hikari took one of Rei's hands, holding it gently and inhaling the scent, "You're definitely on the right track, Rei-san. Did you think about what we talked over yesterday? I think you have the beginnings of a good plan, but you're the one who needs to come up with more ideas otherwise it won't be as meaningful."

"I have," Rei bowed slightly in gratitude. "I believe that I will have a functioning strategy by the middle of next week." She paused, frowning, then stepped forward and mechanically wrapped Hikari in a hug, "I appreciate your efforts on my behalf. Your input is invaluable." Stepping back, she gauged Hikari's reaction, then turned and walked over to her desk.

"That was…interesting," Hikari whispered. Her sentiment mirrored Shinji's thoughts, "It's progress."

Shinji wasn't rude enough to ask what Rei and Hikari had talked over, though he was curious. He knew that he'd find out when it was time to, and not a minute before. "I think it's nice," he stated quietly. "I don't know why she's doing it, but her beginning to reach out to people around her, even if it's just you for now, is a great start towards her making friends."

"I think it's wonderful that you're taking an active hand in it. Showing some leadership," Hikari's smile was well-pleased. "That conversation my sisters and I had while you were out with your fellow pilots last night touched on that, among other things." She began to glow with giddy feelings, watching her efforts bear fruit, "Small steps, Shinji. Small steps." _A month on, he's not the same timid young man. Every day he gets more confidence._

"Shinji-kun!" Natsuko bounced into the classroom, "I need help! One of the underclassmen threw my shawl up in a tree, and I can't reach it." Crouching down at his desk, allowing him an unobstructed view down her blouse, she gave him the 'puppy-dog' eyes, "Please? I don't want to be cold during class."

Hikari's joy drained as a scowl formed, "Do you know who it was?" She might not like that the young woman had eyes on her boyfriend, but she would _not_ put up with poor behavior towards her classmates.

"No," Natsuko pouted, "just some little boy that didn't like 'No' as an answer. He wanted to go out on a date, and I do _not_ date underclassmen." She turned back to Shinji and simpered, "Please?"

"Of course," his mouth settled into a frown. _Unacceptable. I can't let people bully others, especially since everyone's being so nice to me in allowing me to act as Hikari's deputy._ "If you see them, please make sure to point them out to Hikari-san, or me. We'll talk to their Class Rep, this is unacceptable behavior." Standing, his arm was quickly enveloped by Natsuko's natural attributes as she took his hand and glomped to his side, and before he could ask which tree, he was being tugged out of the classroom. Calling over his shoulder, he tried not to slam his face into the doorframe, "I'll be back in a moment!"

"Thank you, Shinji-kun," it amazed him how Natsuko seemed to be able to walk functionally despite being turned into his side the way she was. "I didn't know how else I was going to get it down, and it's my favorite shawl."

Walking briskly through the hallways, Shinji keeping the pace faster than Natsuko seemed eager for, he kept his eyes in motion. Nodding a brief greeting to people that moved out of their way, thanking others for their kind words as they passed. If any of the males around were the guilty party, they didn't show it, and neither did his 'helper'. She, thankfully in his opinion, remained silent for the duration of the trip, seeming to soak in the attention of everyone they came across.

When they reached the tree, Shinji looked up, then back down into the adoring eyes of his classmate. Attempting to subtly withdraw his imprisoned limb, he lowered his voice to avoid embarrassing her, "I'll…uhm, I'll need my arm, Natsuko-san." With his free hand he pointed up to the branch, "It's a bit higher than I can reach, so I'll need to-"

"Oh, you could pick me up," she stepped around in front of him, looking up at him with an overly-pleased smile. "I could reach it for you, if you just lift me a bit." Taking his hands, she placed them around her torso just below her breasts, "I'm really light, I promise. You could do anything you wanted with me, with how _strong_ you are."

Shinji felt the eyes of everyone moving past on him, _What is it you want, Natsuko? Are you really flirting with someone who's dating somebody else?_ The concept seemed anathema to him, and he didn't want to believe it of someone else without definitive proof. _I can excuse Kodama, she's just being…family. Like Misato used to do, only without the pushing away and pulling towards._ But the way Natsuko held his hands just on the underside of her rather ample chest left little room for alternatives. "I think," he stepped back, forcefully retrieving his hands, "I have another way to get it." Taking a few more steps to the side, he looked at the shawl, "Move away some, please. I don't want to run into you."

Gauging the distance between him and the trunk, then from the trunk to the shawl, he nodded to himself. He'd seen Gen do similar things in practice, and Suzuki often jumped from much higher only to land safely. _Keep your knees loose, jog through the landing._ With a running start, Shinji jumped up and planted his foot against a segment a meter or so up the tree's trunk then kicked himself off towards outlying branch holding the shawl. Easily snatching it from where it lay, he landed back on the blacktop then jogged a few steps to bleed off momentum before shaking the long cloth out to free it of needles and dirt.

Folding the triangle, "Here you go," he handed it back to Natsuko with a nod. When the passersby all cheered the act of athleticism, Shinji blushed and turned to wave recognition of the applause. _It's so easy to do these things in this body. I wish I understood my limitations, or even my capabilities. The only way I learn is through the training, and they're not pushing me past what they think I'm able to do._ Lost in his own thoughts he was caught off-guard, unready and displeased when Natsuko pulled him down to plant a kiss on his lips.

"My hero," her smile was full of meaning. "Thank you, Shinji-kun. I really do appreciate it." Pressing herself back against his front as he stood up to his full height, she looked up at him, "If there's _anything_ I can do to help…."

"You should be more careful," Shinji stated, a slight scowl diminishing the blush of excitement at the praise of the crowd. He didn't bother lowering his voice, wanting it to be clear to anyone who might hear, "I understand you're grateful, but if you go around kissing other people's boyfriends you might develop a reputation you don't want. I'd hate to see someone like you have to deal with that, Natsuko-san. Imagine if someone kissed your boyfriend. You wouldn't be very happy with either of them, would you?" Spying Yang standing in the crowd, smiling happily at him, he turned and headed back to the classroom, "We should go. We don't want to be late."

+++++ 4th Angel + 7 : Thursday (28)

Shinji started lunch by eating quietly as he listened to Shinobu carry on about the incident by the tree earlier in the day. He was struggling not to tune her out, like Rei seemed to be doing, out of habit. His limit on dealing with people was arriving quickly, between the bar the night before, his 'helpers' in class, and now his increased need to be a good host during lunch. _I have to remember to mention this to Hikari. Ask her to find a way to help me not be around people so often._

"And then," Shinobu huffed, "she plants a kiss on his lips, bold as you please!" The bluenette was far more livid than Shinji, "Of course Shinji told her off for it, but the nerve!" Her frown was, he believed, frankly adorable. "Auuuu, why aren't you more angry Hikari?" Even angry, his friend seemed to be a living doll, an animated toy that one day would find someone she loved, he hoped. Someone that would be able to deal with her ill-tempered rants.

"Because he'll be coming home with me tonight," the Class Rep shrugged, "and the entire school just watched him shoot her down. What can I do to her that he didn't manage?" She leaned over to bump him with her shoulder, "I told you, Shinobu, I trust my boyfriend to do the right thing. It's a part of him, just like his wonderful eye color, or his amazing skills on the cello."

"I _am_ still sorry it happened," Shinji offered contritely. "I had hoped she would have accepted that I only see her as a friend, after I said as much in class yesterday. I guess I shouldn't have let hope blind me to her actions before I got the shawl down."

Shinobu's cheeks puffed angrily out, "What _else_ did she do?" It seemed their friend was going to be mad on their behalf, a fact that concerned Shinji greatly. She had more than enough matters in her own life that were causing her grief, she didn't need to borrow his or Hikari's.

"She placed his hands alongside her mammary glands," Rei intoned from her position between Hikari and Shinobu, her eyes still focused on her meal. "It appeared that she anticipated he would lift her off the ground to reach the shawl, thereby placing his face in a socially impermissible position."

"You…did you come down with us when I went to help her, Rei-san?" Shinji blinked, looking through his memory to see if he could remember having seen her.

"The tree she threw her shawl into was easily visible from my seat," Rei's deadpan made it difficult for him to get a gauge on how serious she was being. He knew she had a sense of humor hidden beneath her stoic nature, at least the Rei from his previous timeline did.

"She…threw her own shawl in the tree?" Hikari frowned, "You're certain?" Rolling her eyes, she sighed heavily, "Shinji, she's your 'helper', so I'm asking you first. Would you mind if I had a talk with her? I don't want her doing anything foolish, not because I'm afraid of you falling for her, but because it will likely be incredibly disruptive to the class when you put your foot down. If you think you can handle it, I'll let you. But if you don't want to, or don't think you can make it clear enough, I'm willing to."

"What…uhm…." He closed his eyes, drawing a steadying breath, then breathing out slowly. _I can do this. Trust the Light._ Speaking loud enough for the surrounding people to hear him, as he knew many listened in on their conversations, he asked for help, "What do you think is best, Hikari? If you think it would be better for me to take her aside and have a talk, I will do so. If you think it would be better for you, since you are the Class Representative, I trust you to do what's best. I believe I made it clear that you're my girlfriend, and that she was risking damaging her reputation, but I agree. More might be necessary."

"I'm not afraid of what others think of me," Hikari stated plainly. "You've publicly, and frequently, made it clear that you're my boyfriend. I don't think you need to do anything else, Shinji. Let me handle this, as Class Rep, not as your girlfriend. I think you've done enough." She let the girlfriend side out, for a moment, and leaned over to kiss him on the cheek, "And I thank you for _choosing_ to be with me."

The recognition that she listened to what he had to say the day before warmed him, and the kiss reminded him that no amount of affection from his girlfriend was too small to excite him unreasonably. "It's an easy choice, Hikari. As easy as breathing."

"I would like to ask a question," Rei tilted her head, analyzing Shinji's face. "A kiss, such as the one Natsuko-san gave you earlier. Are they unwelcome by any party but Hikari-san?" Her eyes seemed too large, as if they contained something far greater than a schoolgirl. "Does that mean the kiss I gave you as a sign of gratitude was unwelcome?"

Shinji flushed as he remembered the scene, the memory of the 'shopping trip kiss' triggering the vision of her nudity in her apartment, then of landing on her. _The Rei that's dead._ Dark thoughts following the embarrassment of having to provide an answer filled him, flowing out to the two women on either side of Rei, eliciting two very different reactions.

"Not really," Hikari stated just as Shinobu gasped out an, "Of course it is!" The two women frowned at each other, Hikari upset that Shinobu was speaking for her, and Shinobu upset that Hikari was opening up an avenue of another woman being forward with Shinji.

"It was given out of honest gratitude," Hikari calmly asserted. "Rei-san doesn't have any confusion as to Shinji's place in my life. She's reaching out to her fellow pilot, and she's reaching out to me. I don't think she's had much, if any, affection in her life, and being given the opportunity to give some, in a friendly manner, to Shinji out of that gratitude is perfectly fine."

"You are his primary concern," Rei asserted bluntly. "In all things, he has chosen his life to revolve around you. I am, at most, a secondary concern. If my gesture was ill-received, I apologize, Shinji-san."

"N-no," Shinji shook his head. _I'm so sorry that I've seen you like that, Rei. I'll never be able to forget, and I'll never forgive myself for it._ "You didn't…kiss me like Natsuko-san did. I was…uhm, I was caught off guard, sure. But…so long as Hikari doesn't mind, and you don't…you know, abuse the trust she's giving you…."

Rei nodded slowly, then gave the barest hint of a smile, "Thank you, Shinji-san. It makes me happy to know that I am not unwelcome in your life." She turned to Hikari, "I would like to discuss this with you in greater detail, to make certain that I obey any boundaries that you would set as his intended. Unless I am mistaken, he puts greater faith in your judgment than his own, and until he asserts his rights you are the best source of information."

"How can you be ok with this?!" Shinobu's mouth was drawn into a hard line, "Kissing should only be between you two, not just anyone who happens to be on an approved list."

"So he shouldn't be allowed?" Hikari shook her head firmly, "No. He's not going around seeking out satisfaction, Shinobu. He's not going from woman to woman building up a rapport with them just so he can cheat. Rei-san isn't asking to sleep with him, she's not even asking for him to love her. She's not going to be greeting him every day with a kiss."

"That would be inappropriate, and against standing orders," Rei spoke into the pause.

"As…odd as that sounds, it proves my point," the Class Rep was creeping into her tone. "It's situational, Shinobu. If there came a time that Shinji did something wonderful for you, something that showed you exactly what he showed Rei-san, and you gave him a kiss out of honest gratitude? It would be fine. You're not pursuing him, and even if you were interested in him you would listen when he said that he was with me. It's a very different situation to the one with Natsuko-san."

"I disagree," the inn-dwelling bluenette stood, looking towards Rei with her eyes narrowed. "I think you're setting a bad precedent, Hikari. And I think you'll regret this." Turning on her heel, she stormed back towards the classrooms.

A flash of insight brought the reason for Shinobu's actions to Shinji, "Keitaro-san."

"Among other things," Hikari nodded, sighing sadly. "I'll have a talk with her, later, as well. Don't take it personally, Rei-san," she reached over and laid her hand gently on the young woman's knee. "She's just gone through a rather bad break-up, and I think she's a lot more sensitive about things right now than she normally would be."

"Her ire is not directed at me," Rei sealed her lunch box. "It is directed at you. She would prefer to occupy the position that you offer to me, in allowing me to display affection to Shinji-san. That she cannot, for reasons that you and she alone would know, likely hurts her far more than whatever this man may have done to her." Standing, she brushed off her skirt, "I will return to the class so that you may enjoy the last of your lunch together. Thank you for inviting me to share some time with you, the camaraderie is most appreciated." Bowing politely, she turned with a dancer's grace and floated off.

Shinji watched her walk away, "Hikari," he kept his voice low, "why _are_ you ok with Rei-san giving me that kiss?" Looking down as she took his hand, he shook his head, "You weren't very happy about it the day it happened."

"Because she told me a story," his girlfriend scooted closer, leaning against him. "She's just like you, Shinji. For as long as she can remember, your father has been her guardian. And for as long as she can remember, he's lied to her every day about where she's come from. About who she is. She doesn't even know who her parents were. Your fight against the Angels is all she's had, and she's been terrified of it from the start." Taking the last of her food in her utensils, she offered it up to him, "Then you come swooping in, just as she's going to have to fight a monster, alone, with cracked ribs, a fractured arm, a broken pelvis…." She watched him chew, trying to imagine him refusing to fight, and feeling it wholly belittling to him. "Scared and alone, facing death she received a reprieve when a good man shows up and stops her from facing any more pain. She adores you, Shinji. Because the first time you saw her, you asked her how she was feeling." He could hear her holding back tears, "You did what you always do, what nobody else has been willing to: you put up with her odd quirks, you showed her human decency. She'd walk through fire for you, now. You and her will fight monsters together, and she swore to me that she'd bring you back home alive no matter what. And…." She swallowed, trying to force her fear of him being harmed yet again away.

"That…doesn't mean you need to allow her to do something you don't want," he shifted his grip on her hand, comforting her as best he could in public. "I meant it when I said I belong to the Horaki household."

"And a friendly kiss is nothing more than a friendly kiss," Hikari firmly asserted. "Tell me Shinji, if you honestly feel that you're going to be attracted to her. Are you not the man I've known for almost a month now? Are you hiding some secret lecher that is the world's best actor?"

 _She's scared that you're going to, Shinji,_ a gentle whisper sounded into the pregnant pause. _Just as she comforts you, so must you comfort her. It's the only way you'll win._ "I'm not leaving you," he'd have to worry about the voices in his head later. For now, they were right. "I can't lie, and you know that. She's…attractive. But I meant what I said: I chose you, I choose you, and I will continue to choose you." Borrowing something Raffle had said to him, he grinned and lifted her chin to force her to look at him, "After all, what's a Paladin without his Light?"

"You, sir," Hikari's smile was a mix of joy and sorrow, "are getting far too good at smooth talk. I'm going to have to watch myself, or you'll have me kissing you here at school."

"That would be terrible," Shinji deadpanned. "I'd have to chastise you, to set a good example for all the impressionable minds you're responsible for."

Shifting her head slightly and pitching her voice so only he could hear it, she whispered, "Would you wear leather, or maybe your work clothes?"

His blush was immediate, and total.

+++++ 4th Angel + 7 : Thursday (28)

Shinji kept his eyes focused on the ground around him. So many people were looking at him from the nearby bleachers, all cheering for him. Misato sat with Nozomi on her lap, the two ladies rocking back and forth clapping their hands, both belting out cheers for their 'brother'. The Tactical Commander and Maya, who also called out passionately for his success, were automatically on board with the diversion, bringing along with them those members of the bridge crew that weren't essential for monitoring potential incursions and wanted something of a distraction from the doldrums of the day. Ritsuko and Rei were sitting on the opposite end of the bleachers, the pair only intending to be there long enough to support Shinji in his misadventures, before going back to whatever the bottle-blonde intended them to do. Kodama stood on the edge of the track with Hina and Rina, who were her first official trainers, laughing boisterously at something the twins had mentioned. The entirety of the Damned, as they referred to themselves, was in attendance, with their various loved ones that could attend the short notice unofficial function. Even Professor Fuyutsuki, his Sub-Commander, was standing there smiling fondly at him. The man's bearing conveyed pleasure, and pride.

But none of those eyes weighed as heavily as Hikari's. She was standing with Raffle at the end of the straightened racetrack, each holding one end of a thin ribbon to mark the victor. He could see she was speaking quietly to the blonde, while looking at him, who was animatedly responding. It was clear to Shinji that Hikari was being reassured, and just as clear that Raffle had no doubts at all about the outcome of the race.

"Ok you two," Feelgood gestured to the two starting blocks, "when I fire the starting pistol, give it everything you've got. You both know the stakes, so I want a good, clean, race. Glitch, as the elder contestant, you get to choose your lane. Three, or six?"

"I'll take three," the dark-skinned pilot patted Shinji on the back. Raising his voice to be heard over the din, he introduced Shinji with a broad gesture, "The folks are all here to see him, so let's put him on the outside where everyone will get a good look, yeah?"

The cheers following the statement embarrassed the young pilot further. _What if I fail?_ He knew he was fast, everyone said so. But was he fast enough? Was he just going to end up being left behind in the dust, and-

"Settle," Glitch's voice was a loose murmur as he led Shinji to his starting blocks. "Nobody's judging us. This is all in fun, and I promise you that no matter what happens you're going to have the respect of everyone here for trying."

Feelgood smirked, "Just put everything you have into it, Shinji. Don't hold back, don't think about it, just power through it. Win or lose, I'm just glad you're being a good sport about all of this. The last race we had, there was a lot of bellyaching about nonsense that ruined the atmosphere. This? This looks like it's gonna be good for morale."

"Which is why we're doing it," Glitch added. "Because end of the day? We're all friends. So let's be good friends, Shinji, and give them a great race."

Narrowing his eyes, Shinji felt the strength and confidence of the two men envelop him. They knew he could do it, and they were the two that were supposedly betting against him. "O-ok," he nodded once. "Good luck, Glitch."

"That's a boy, Paladin," the man's infectious grin beamed out happily. "Now, to your block."

Feelgood turned to the audience and raised his voice to announce the contestants, "Ladies and gentlemen, friends and family, and begrudgingly that dork over there with the sunglasses on." Toggle laughed and made a rude gesture back to his friend, his wife pulling his hand down and admonishing him good-naturedly. "Now presenting in Lane Three, the standing record holder, representing Botswana by way of NERV's First Air Group, Tebogo 'Glitch' Mbau!" Standing aside and gesturing to his wingman, who was waving his hands above his head rapidly to recognize the applause, the rockstar pilot waited for several seconds before clapping his hands as well, and moving to Shinji, "And presenting in Lane Six, the challenger on loan to Raffle by Hikari Horaki, representing our own nation of Japan by way of Section One's Evangelion Project, Shinji 'Paladin' Ikari!"

Shinji heard everyone calling out in support, the crush of sound from before him overwhelming. True to the words he'd spoken, he heard Glitch standing behind him cheering just as loud. _We're all friends…._ Bowing politely in recognition of the audience's applause, he turned to Glitch and bowed again. He'd give him the best race he could, win or lose. He owed nothing less than his full effort, to someone who would call him a friend.

"All right you two, on your marks." He walked to the inside of the track as they assumed the starting position. "Get set."

Shinji sucked in one final breath, blowing out as much anxiety as he could. In less than a minute, it'd all be over. In less than a minute, he'd have done something that seemed to make everyone happy just to watch. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Shinsuke raise his arm smoothly. His legs tensed, his hands steadied, his breath stilled. There was nothing for it now, he was committed. He was going to run…but not away.

The sharp report of the gun uncoiled him like a spring, his form wasn't perfect, but there was no more slowness to his first step. The hesitation that so commonly plagued him had been washed away in flame, purged by accidents and intentional decisions. His knees pumped, his arms churned, his hair flowed out behind him like a pennon. The first hundred meters disappeared behind him before he knew it, and still he wanted more speed.

He wanted to go faster, not because he might be losing, but because they asked him to. He could hear everyone in the stands, their cheers, their cries for him to go all out. The next hundred meters flashed past, his heart beating steady, his body reminding him that there was always more to give if he asked for it. The dark voice caressed his mind, _There will never be a limit, not for you, Shinji._

His feet struck the ground with the violence of the angry tides, his breathing in tune with the Song of Morning. He was powerful. He was _power_. The third quarter was no barrier to him, there was no 'wall', nothing but a rapidly dwindling distance between him and his goal.

The ribbon pulled taut, but could only be broken once. Victory would be granted to the man that snapped that thin strand. Victory would be _his_. He cared nothing for the knife, nothing for who would be asked to host people to a party. Such concerns were mere window dressing. Pretty frills to hang over the display case that contained the true value of his efforts. He would either gaze upon it with pride, or know that his best wasn't enough.

Striking the goal, still pumping as if he had another hundred meters to race, he only pulled up once he was ten full strides past the line. His breathing as steady as ever he turned to face the first person he thought to ask about the results, and his reflexes saved him from being bowled over by the same, a happily laughing Hikari. Holding his girlfriend close, he saw Glitch shaking his head as the man walked over with a huge smile on his face, "Did I win?" He felt Raffle impact him from behind, the blonde pilot having latched around his neck whooping with joy, "D-did I win?"

"You won," Glitch was breathing the way Shinji thought he himself should be, "and by far more space than I'm comfortable with. We'll have to ask the MAGI, but I think you beat me by at least three seconds. My friend, I do believe that I have been soundly defeated." Admitting his defeat with the same smile he gave promising to win the race, the man demonstrated exactly what he had offered to Shinji before, a strength of character and honor.

"It was a good race, Glitch. A great race." Shinji bowed carefully, enough of a dip to be respectful but not so much that he risked harming either of the two ladies clinging to him. "Thank you for helping me focus. I succeeded because you reminded me that we're all friends here."

"Let's go greet the audience then, my friend," the lanky pilot tilted his head towards the standing crowd. "I want to introduce you to my wife."

"C'mon, c'mon!" Raffle hopped down, jogging ahead, "I gotta rub this in Feelgood's face!"

Feeling Hikari begin to move, he held her back, "I won." Looking down into her beaming smile, he frowned, "I won by three seconds?" _What's happening to me?_ "I…I shouldn't be…."

"You're fine," her smile disappeared, replaced by a look of calm determination. "Nothing's wrong, nothing's out of place. You're just a little older than you normally would be, because of the changes, right? You work out all the time, you-"

"Oi!" Raffle waved from halfway between them and the grandstands, "C'mon you lot, you're holding up the ceremony!"

"You're fine." Hikari tugged more forcefully, prompting him to start walking with her under his arm, "If you think something's wrong, we should talk…we should ask Ritsuko-san. She's your doctor, she would know."

"Y-yeah," _but what's wrong with Ritsuko?_

The first person to reach him for congratulations from the audience was Nozomi, the little whirlwind dashing over and jumping at him, forcing him to let go of Hikari to catch her, "Nii-san!" She giggled happily as he hefted her up onto his right shoulder, holding her firmly in place so that he could restore Hikari to her rightful place on his arm, "You were soooo fast!" She smiled happily at his opponent for the race, waving at both him and his wife, "Glitch-san was really fast, too. You must run all the time!"

"Usually after I chase him out of the house for leaving his clothes outside of the hamper," the grinning woman walking alongside Glitch teased her husband gently. "You should see him move then, little one. Like a bolt of thunder, he is."

"Bah," Glitch rolled his eyes good-naturedly, "you will understand soon, Paladin. Once your Light has you good and married, you'll hear all about your flaws. It's all sweet talk and good food now, but after? Woosh!" He clapped his hands dramatically, "Gone, like the wind itself!"

"That would be hard to see happening," Kodama approached with the Sub-Commander. "Considering I have to fight Shinji to not cook us every meal, to not do everyone's laundry," she looked at her housemate with a happy grin, "to not spoil my little sister with bedtime stories."

"You cook? Bah," Glitch's wife smacked her husband on the chest, "would you introduce us properly, you wastrel?"

"Yes dear," the dark-skinned man seemed happily in love with his wife, the banter more of a long-term game to them than any actual signs of domestic troubles. "Paladin, this is the song in my heart, by the grace of God, Maria Mbau. My love, this is Paladin, named by his parents Shinji Ikari."

Gripping Nozomi tightly about the legs, Shinji bowed as best he could with his burden, "It is a pleasure to meet you, Maria-san." _Introduce your family._ "You may have met already, but please, let me introduce you to my…my family. This," he bounced his passenger slightly, "Is Nozomi Horaki."

Nozomi waved happily, "It is very nice to meet you, ma'am."

"Her sister, and my girlfriend, Hikari Horaki," he paused again.

"How do you do," Hikari's bow was liquid grace.

"And their elder sister," Shinji gestured to the Professor's side, "Kodama Horaki."

"Pleased to meet you, ma'am," Kodama moved over to the shoulder that Nozomi sat upon, putting her arm around Shinji's back and laying her head on his arm.

After more banter between his opponent in the race and the man's dear love, Shinji was led by Kozo from small group to small group, making the same introductions over and over, followed by small talk. The elder statesman seemed keen to have him take the lead in the conversations, only offering small comments as appropriate, or when it was time for the small group to move on to another encounter. After the last of the introductions, he maneuvered them all over to the table to finally take something to eat and drink.

"Well done, Shinji-kun," Kozo nodded in approval. "You're getting the hang of your position."

"Position?" Nozomi turned about in a small circle between the four people as she ate from everyone else's plates, dancing to her own tune, "As winner of the race?"

"Your 'nii-san'," Kozo's voice implied heavily that he approved of the connection, "is the Lead Pilot for his team. We decided that his efforts merited recognition, and that he was mature enough to hold more responsibility." He looked to the gatherings behind Shinji, "That the Air Group has taken a liking to you, and that you've taken them into your confidence, only proves how correct we were."

"Has," Shinji frowned as he remembered that he hadn't seen any of his Guardians, "uhm, has anyone seen Ritsuko? Or Misato, or Maya?" _I need to ask her about these changes._

"Doctor Akagi has gone to continue Ayanami-chan's training," Kozo asserted smoothly. "If I understand correctly, that's also where Captains Ibuki and Katsuragi went."

Kodama grimaced, "I'm surprised you didn't hear the-"

"Spirited discussion," her 'uncle' cut in gently. "Do not worry, Shinji-kun. They were happy to watch your race, and just as pleased to see how handily you won. However, as you know, responsibilities have piled themselves on all our shoulders. The tension between them is natural, as your guardians are all very capable women with differing ideas of the best methods to produce results. It's why I set them up in the way I have, to give you various means of assistance in challenging times."

"Paladin!" Feelgood called from near the bleachers, "If you have a moment, I'd like to ask you a few things."

"Go ahead, Shinji-kun," Kozo urged him onward, once more glowing with pride and contentment as he gazed on the son of Yui. "I have my own duties to see to. Congratulations on your victory, I look forward to seeing many more similar victories in the future."


	27. Chapter 27

+++++ 4th Angel + 7 : Thursday (28)

By late evening, it was decided that Shinji wouldn't be needed for any training in Unit-01, and so he was allowed to accompany the Horaki clan home after spending more time speaking with the various families and friends of the Pilot Corps. Carrying Nozomi up to bed, her energy having been once more thoroughly depleted, Shinji set her down in bed and stepped out of the room so that her elder sister could change her clothes into more appropriate sleepwear.

"One day," Kodama waved him over to the couch to sit while they waited for Hikari, "you're going to have to carry me home like that. Just to be fair." The newest NERV employee pulled him down alongside of her, her shoulder-length hair sweeping back as she lay her head on his shoulder, sighing contentedly. "Thank you, Shinji."

"What for?" He knew he was too distracted at the moment. He was about to tell them the truth, unvarnished and unyielding. "She's nowhere near heavy enough to be a real burden."

Running her temple along his shoulder, she whispered, "For being you. For being the kind of man that puts up with a house full of crazy people. For giving us a month of wonderful memories." Her fingertips tapped along his thigh, "For not freaking out when my father takes these stupidly long trips."

Shinji nodded, "He _has_ been gone for quite some time. Is this normal?"

"Unfortunately," Hikari answered as she finished climbing downstairs. "It's a part of his job that he's said he doesn't like, but refuses to do a poor job with." Dropping down on the other side of her boyfriend from her sister, she sat facing him, "Now, you said that you have something important you wanted to tell us." Making a shooing motion to Kodama, she tried to set the situation for him, "He needs to be able to face us both, Ko-Ko. Help him move the seat."

"I'll," standing quickly, he turned and sat on the low table, "uhm, I'll just sit here." _Tell them._ He looked at the two elder Horaki Sisters, comparing them as he gathered his thoughts. Hikari's hair had grown out. Full and thick, the length easily reaching down to between her shoulder blades. _I wonder how long it gets? Is she growing it out because I said it looked nice longer?_ Kodama's patient gaze caused him to think that the look must have been genetically passed on, with how the three years of difference between her and her younger sister seemed to improve it only fractionally. _Stop stalling._

"I-" His phone rang, the ringtone indicating that it was Misato, "I'm sorry." Pulling out the device, he answered and pressed it to his ear, "This is Shinji."

Misato's voice was tight, "Shinji, where are you?"

He frowned, "I'm…uhm, I'm home. I was told tha-"

She cut him off quickly, "We need you back here, _now_. Get to base, get in uniform, get to the gantries. Move."

Hanging up, he stood, "I'm sorry, something's wrong. It's not an Angel, but…just, be ready." _Damn it all._ Turning, he hurried to the door, only just catching the eldest sister taking charge.

"Don't worry, we'll be fine," she called after him. Kodama stood, facing Hikari, "I'll check our emergency bag, you slip into the kitchen and ready some snacks and drinks. I'll also check on Nozomi…." The door closed behind him, anger and fear vying for his attention as he once more failed to do what he'd sworn to do.

+++++ 4th Angel + 7 : Thursday (28)

His ride from home back to NERV was silent, as was his sprint to the lockers, his changing into the plugsuit, and his arrival in the gantries. Nodding his thanks to the engineers that helped him climb into Unit-01, he waited until he was seated before saying a word, "I'm here." _And I'm incredibly angry. I was going to do it. I was going to admit everything. So whatever this is, it had better not be something stupid._ He left the subtext unstated, it wouldn't help him to be angry at the people that he cared for. That he hoped might care for him.

"Flood it," Maya's voice carried through his wrist-speaker. "Keep manually updating those algorithms Makoto-kun, it's slower than the MAGI but she can't predict them." He heard her voice grow stronger as she faced the microphone, "Shinji, thank you for hurrying. We're sending you up as soon as we can. Focus on blanking your mind, we need to rush the connection."

The liquid quickly reached his ears, causing the odd muting effect that preceded the transfer to the internal speakers of the entry plug. _This…doesn't sound like nothing._ Shinji tried to relax, counting down from eight, the amount of time it took for the LCL to finish flooding the container to pressure once it reached his ears. The tingle hitting his skin as soon as he said zero was sharper than normal, and rapidly followed by the clank of the A-10 connection uniting him with his chariot. The rainbow cascade brought up his HUD, showing Misato arguing with her phone while Maya looked up at him and nodded, "What's going on, Maya?"

"It's Ayanami-chan," the newest Captain began typing rapidly. "She's unconscious, and Unit-00 is refusing termination commands. We can't eject her plug, and the umbilical won't disconnect. We need you to go out there and make certain that nothing terrible happens while the engineering team works on severing the power feed manually."

Shinji's heart clenched, _It's not something stupid._ I'm _something stupid for tempting the spirits._ "Right, get me out there." _Please don't be like Toji. Please, please, please don't be like Toji._

"Launch," Maya issued her first official order tersely.

The magnetically propelled sled sent him skyward, the rails shifting as necessary to send him on a course to intercept his…wingman? Friend? Whatever she was, she was in danger. It was moving too slow, in his opinion. The longer this took, the less time he had to do what he needed to do. He vaguely made note of the fact that he didn't feel as heavy as he usually did, the effect of multiple gravities on him only a minor tug on his body now.

Once the ride was over, Unit-01 rising from the ground like a misshapen meerkat, he waited impatiently for the magnetic locks to disengage before moving. _They're pointless. If I wanted to, they'd be so much scrap._ "I don't have a waypoint," he looked to Maya, "where is she?"

"Seven kilometers North-North-East," Maya replied. "If I give you a waypoint, she could backtrace it and know you're coming." Her eyes were in constant motion, as were her hands, "I'm sorry, but our hands are tied until we know more."

"It's fine," Shinji looked at the compass displayed along the bottom of his cockpit. "She's riding in a gigantic blue and white robot, shouldn't be hard to find her." Starting out along the path of least resistance, he tried to balance speed and keeping damage to the surrounding area to a minimum.

"Orange," Maya looked up at him, confused. "Shinji, Unit-00 is orange."

"R-right," he mentally slapped himself for slipping up. "Orange." _They repainted it after…after this upcoming Angel. How many days was it before the Fifth Angel attacked? It wasn't…oh no._ "Eight days," he grimaced. _That's tomorrow._

"Remind me to have you checked for color-blindness," Maya commented, too distracted with her own work to notice the rest of his statement. "In fact, Shigeru-kun, send me a mail with that. I don't know how we could have missed it, but I want to make sure he's ok."

Running as quickly as he dared in the low light, moving from hill top to hill top, Shinji accepted correctional data from Makoto and altered his course accordingly. "Uhm, can someone confirm that I'm heading towards the city?" Subconsciously he began to run faster, no longer caring if he damaged the forests, "Because I think I'm heading towards home." _I have to get this over with. I need her if we're going to implement the same strategy, I can't snipe and hold the shield at the same time!_

"Focus, Paladin," Misato's voice of command snapped his growing anxiety before it could begin to impair his judgment. "Your target stopped moving half a kilometer short of the occupied zone. Get in there and stand by for orders."

"Roger," Shinji responded automatically. Moving faster still, he caught sight of Unit-00 swaying side to side facing towards the city and frowned, _Why didn't they evacuate? A rogue Eva could do just as much damage as an Angel! They didn't even tell him to get his family to safety…._ "Unacceptable," he muttered. _My Misato would never…._ He slowed down, walking between Unit-00 and the city, " _My_ Misato?" _She's dead, gone with everyone else. This is my Misato now._

"What's that, Shinji?" Maya's voice broke into his self-reflection, "I couldn't quite make it out."

Irritation at having his thoughts interrupted bounced off of his frustration that Misato hadn't… _Should I have done more? Was it on me to tell them to evacuate? What if it was nothing?_ "Why didn't you tell me to send my family out of Rei's path?" Sizing up his fellow Eva, he frowned at Maya, "Would it have been so hard to just warn me?"

Maya blinked rapidly, cycling through her memories, "I…." Her frown soon matched his own, "Misato-san, I thought we agreed to bring them all here! Kodama-san needs to report in when he goes into combat." Turning slightly, she looked over her shoulder at the Tactical Commander, "Why did-"

"Because OPSEC still exists," Misato snapped. "If I said anything more than I did, the call would have been disconnected and we'd still be where we are, not focusing on the damn mission!" Sliding around her workstation, she approached the bridge monitors, "Paladin, focus on your task. You are the only real safety they have, and you know it. Do your job, everyone lives. Focus."

"Or," Ritsuko walked onto the bridge, Kodama in tow, "we could multitask and accomplish more than just the destruction of our enemies." Pointing to the station she typically occupied, she waved the nurse over, "You can use that terminal, Horaki-san." Walking up to stand opposed to Misato with Maya between them, she smiled up at Shinji, "You're doing a good job, Shinji. Your sync rate isn't suffering despite your distraction. Hikari-chan and Nozomi-chan are safe with your Section Two cadre, and you're in position to help Ayanami-chan."

A smile of gratitude split Shinji's face as he caught sight of Kodama blowing him a kiss, "Thank you, Ritsuko." His fears momentarily lessened, even as his irritation with Misato climbed, he looked back to Unit-00 and Rei, "The Eva's swaying slightly. Like…dancing? To a song, but there's nothing I…wait…." He began to hum the song that had been rolling around in his mind the past weeks, using the giant Eva as a metronome he quickly matched the meter of the song to the motions before him. _It fits, perfectly. The hell is this song?_

"Harmonics?" Maya tapped her foot in time to Shinji's humming, "Music _could_ disrupt the synchronization of the A-Ten carrier waves, but what could be producing them?" Looking instinctively to her right, she raised an eyebrow at Ritsuko in confusion, "Have there been any alterations to Unit-00 that I don't know about?"

"No," the bottle-blonde shrugged simply. "Other than Ayanami-chan trying out her new plugsuit, everything is as it has been." Without turning away from Misato, she raised her voice, "Horaki-san, would you mind opening a command line interface and running test Golf Three Six on Unit-00's pilot? I gave you permissions earlier today, since you'll be monitoring Shinji…pardon me, _Paladin's_ vitals during combat. You never know when interpretive data from other pilots could be useful."

"Or when knowing what the tests you're running might do," Misato growled. "What was Ayanami doing that close to populated areas? The green zone extends well past her initial coordinates, Ritsuko. We _do not_ run simulations anywhere near the green zone for just this reason."

"I don't honestly know," the doctor said with a shrug and a smirk. "When I gave the command to deploy her, it was with the expectation of her arriving well south of the Midorikawa. We were going to continue our post-deployment drills, giving her experience orienting herself to landmarks, as we had been all evening. I stepped off the bridge to check on a few blood tests while they reset the Eva, and here we are."

"Uhm…everyone," Shinji noted Unit-00's single eye begin to glow oddly.

"You 'stepped off the bridge' during live exercises?" Misato stated incredulously, "Who did you leave in command?"

Shinji raised his voice slightly as the Cyclopean Eva began to slow its gyrations, "I think-"

"Hyuga-kun, you seem to trust him well enough." Ritsuko gestured to the man who was currently attempting to become one with the floor beneath him, "Is there something _I_ should know about your subordinates? It's not like you to allow people to stay around that can't enter in a simple eighteen-character locational algorithm."

Shinji managed to duck the first grasp at his neck, reflexively grabbing Unit-00's elbows to hold its arms at bay and jamming his knee into its gut.

Shigeru, having kept his eyes on the conflict building outside of the GeoFront as opposed to the one within it, called out loudly, "Unit-00's Pattern is Orange! It's attacking!"

Misato's eyes snapped back to the screen, quickly assessing her options, "Paladin, go for the power cord. Cut it with your prog knife, we'll have to wear out the batteries!" Moving back to her station, she grimaced as she watched the camera feeds from the local area. "Makoto, send out the evac-"

"Belay that," Gendo's powerful voice cut through the din. Presence, and not volume, ensuring obedience to his command. "This simulated Angel attack is well within our established charter. Proceed with the evaluation." Taking his seat on 'The Throne of God', he was flanked by a scowling Kozo Fuyutsuki.

Shinji struggled to balance using enough force to overcome Unit-00 with avoiding serious harm to its pilot. After stalling its initial attack, he was quickly forced into a series of counters as the orange and white giant changed its strategy towards pulling out its progressive knife. "Rei-san! Wake up!"

His opponent matched him strength for strength, moving with a clarity of motion that Rei had never produced before. Feigning surrender, then lunging forward as Shinji reflexively stopped pushing in response, the Orange Giant smashed its face against Unit-01, staggering its pilot with commensurate feedback.

"You might want to reduce his plug depth, keeping him at one hundred during this fight means he feels what the Eva feels," Ritsuko calmly recommended as she observed the test Kodama was running. "Ayanami-chan is still unconscious, she's not feeling a thing."

Ducking low, Shinji shoved his shoulder into Unit-00, driving it back away from the city. _Need to limit the potential for damage to the civilians._ As he felt an arm wrap about his neck, he winced in anticipation of a pain that never came with the first of several blows to his back and kidneys as Unit-01 received punch after punch. Gritting his teeth in frustration, he got his feet under him and scoop-slammed the rogue machine to the ground.

The tone her compatriot used only served to rile Misato up further, "He can handle it." Turning back up to the Commander, she saw an unforgiving glare in Kozo's eyes, "Sir, requesting permission to order Unit-01 to disable Unit-00's legs. It's clearly still too buggy to deploy into live combat."

"Permission denied," Gendo intoned.

Unit-00 rolled away, tangling Unit-01's leg in the power cable nearly toppling it. The motion forced Shinji to halt his attack to keep his feet under him, which bought time for the Cyclopean Beast to recover its base. The distance provided both combatants enough space to pull out their respective prog knives. Unit-00's featureless face tilted to the side, an animal sizing up prey.

"Sir," Misato went to press her case as the situation continued to disintegrate.

"Your duty, Captain, is to guide your pilot," Kozo snapped. "Either perform your duty or step aside."

Stung by the verbal reprimand, Misato snapped to attention, performed an 'about face', and began to formulate plans to handle both situations. _As generous as Fuyutsuki's been, he clearly still views Shinji as nothing more than a weapons component._ "Paladin, circle left. See if you can draw the fight away from the city towards the lake to your south and west."

"Roger," Shinji utilized a trick he'd seen Suzuka pull. Feinting right with a forward jab, he rolled back to the left under Unit-00's counter and sliced at its leg as he shuffled through its guard. The maneuver was only partly successful, the knife glancing off of the beast's A.T. Field, but it shifted him where he needed to be. Hopping backwards, as he had during his two-on-one drills against the mock Third Angels, he put more distance between them and then reset himself.

Whatever it was that the Eva had wanted, it wasn't in the city now. Unit-00 pressed the attack on Unit-01, and Unit-01 continued to draw its foe away from civilians. It was slow going, as Shinji could only move in patterns that reduced the risk of losing the rogue Eva's attention. Several attacks on its umbilical led to increasingly hostile responses, and more than one near-miss on his own lifeline. It was far more evenly matched than even he thought possible, as Rei was never the frontline combatant that he and Asuka had been.

Between Misato's stream of suggestions, his own trained and enhanced reflexes, and a great deal of effort, the fight was directed over the course of several long hours to within sight of the depths of Lake Asagome. As the sun crested the eastern horizon, Unit-00 stopped biting on anything he attempted. Instead, it chose to fight a defensive battle protecting its tether to animation.

"It's not moving," Shinji kept his eyes locked on Unit-00's hands. He knew Gen and Suzuki, even more so Suzuki's deadly spouse, told him to watch the eyes of his opponent, but there was nothing to watch with the cyclops before him but a blank disc. "I get that you probably want me to toss it in the lake, but I don't know that I can-"

A klaxon on the bridge sounded.

"Blue Pattern detected." Maya pulled up the cameras along the eastern shore of Japan, not fifteen kilometers from the battle between Evangelions. Rising up out of the Pacific Ocean, an enormous blue diamond began its approach, rapidly closing with Mankind's only hope. "…An Angel. No…not now!"

"Makoto, sound the evacuation alarms. Shigeru, fire the northern coastal defensive cannons in staggered sequence, try to push it south away from the city." Misato looked to Maya, "Why haven't the engineering teams managed to sever the trunk cable yet?"

Maya shook her head, "They'd lose both Evas, the crew chief didn't want to risk Shinji while he was engaged with Unit-00."

+++++ 5th Angel + 0 : Friday (29)

 _I hate myself._ Shinji's eyes wanted so desperately to close in self-admonishment, but he didn't dare take them away from the fight he was in, as he knew the fight he was about to enter grew closer every second. _Why…_ why _did I have to open my big stupid mouth?!_ "It better not be something stupid," he sing-songed to himself, "I'm a damn idiot."

 _Focus,_ the quiet whisper in his mind admonished him. _You are not yet defeated, and if you have time to remonstrate yourself, you have time to improve your situation._ The gentle rebuke felt far from the tone he remembered in his unconscious fugue, almost as if….

 _You're not the one that sent me back in time._ Shinji's distraction at the realization prompted a series of vicious strikes from Unit-00, an overhand slash followed by a brutal kick and a cutting jab to his midsection, "Gah! Son of a-" Without the feedback of pain, all he knew was that the last two, resulting in his Eva being doubled over, diminished the response time of Unit-01 enough that if he didn't roll backwards he'd lose his neck.

A beep informed him, microseconds before he heard Maya announce, "Unit-01's lost its cable, five minutes of power remaining."

A second presence joined the first, looming behind him like a spirit of death itself. _You have a choice to make,_ the voice he associated with the darker threats giggled. _Be gentle with your poor little side dish, or defeat the Angel. Choose, Shinji. One, or billions._

 _Focus, Shinji. Focus and act._ The calm whisper sought to calm him, _You are the Lord of Morning. The sun is rising, the dawn has broken, it is your time now._ There was a warmth to the voice, a subtle familiarity that he couldn't place.

Five seconds had passed, he was losing time. Two-hundred and ninety-five remained before he lost. _Before…before Hikari dies._ If he lost now, Rei wasn't going to win in his stead. _Triage_ , "Is there no way we can wake Rei up?" _I don't have time, Rei. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. But if it's you or Hikari…._

"We've tried everything, Shinji," Maya shook her head. "Unit-00 isn't responding to commands. We've tried!"

Shinji narrowed his eyes, _Then it's dead weight, and I'm holding too much in my hands._ "Can she feel what I'm doing to it?"

"Unlikely," Ritsuko answered with a shrug of indifference, "if she had she would have either regained consciousness or reacted to it by now."

Two-hundred and seventy-two. "I'm sorry, but I need to end this." _Keep the melee opponent between you and the sniper._ Charging forward as he felt the skin on his arms crawl, he attacked. When he collided with Unit-00, the rogue Orange Eva stabbed its progressive blade deeply into the Purple Titan's side just as the Fifth Angel struck with its lance of pure energy.

The cameras on the exterior of both Evas lost all focus in the supercharged blast, Unit-00's rear armor melting away and Unit-01 spared the worst of the strike by using its foe as a shield. Everyone on the lower decks of the bridge winced in sympathetic pain while they watched the interior feed of Unit-01. Shinji's LCL appeared to boil around him, his hair curling in on itself and re-straightening rapidly. Unseen by any, held together by the tension of his skin and the plugsuit's pressurization, was the sympathetic stab wound from Unit-00's knife caused by his over one-to-one synchronization ratio with Unit-01. "One," The useless remnants of Rei's power umbilical fell to the ground with the end of the Angel's attack, and Shinji threw his foe as far towards the lake as he could. "Two," it was time for him to do something else stupid. "Three," he kept counting, dashing towards the closest power uplink. "Four," _Don't be predictable,_ Suzuki's voice echoed in his mind, _snipers devour the predictable._

Maya called out, over Shinji's quiet count, "Unit-00 is back on its feet!"

"Pilot's heartrate hasn't changed," Kodama replied, her voice even. "She's still unconscious."

Pulling Unit-00's prog knife out of his side, "Nine," Shinji pushed his Eva faster. "Ten," he reached the uplink, sliding to his knees, "eleven." Shoving the replacement cable in, "Twelve," he twisted around and jammed Unit-00's knife up under and through the Orange Cyclops' chin just as the Eva reached him. "Thirteen," he forced out his count as he felt hands begin to choke his airway. "F-fourteen," the skin on his arms once more quivered, and he threw himself backwards. Mistaking the blood for sweat, he ignored the odd wet sensations in his side.

Fire. He was holding liquid flame, the Fifth Angel's strike catching Unit-00 in the top of the head. He didn't feel pain, but he knew on sight that the radiated energy had scalded him badly. "Fourteen," he began his count once more, kicking the headless remnant of Unit-00 away. "Thirteen," he rolled back to his feet and dashed onward. "Twelve." He had to close the distance, there was no other victory condition but death to his enemy.

"Paladin, you need to get to Hotel Seven Two," Misato's statement prompted Makoto to begin sending the appropriate sled up. "You can make it down here while we come up with a strategy. Unit-00 is out of the fight, there's nothing more you can do."

"Six," was his only response. _If I go down now, any attempt at returning to the surface will just end with me being hit with that damn beam._ "Five." _I didn't have time to think, let alone dodge, and those magnetic clamps will cost me just enough time to boil alive._ "Four." _My hands itch. My side itches. I'm such a whiner._

"Paladin, you're going to miss your intercept, alter your course to," Misato cut herself off as Unit-01 dropped to its knees, the lance of thunder narrowly missing his head and left shoulder.

"Fourteen," he was running once more. The entirety of the left half of his face was mottled a livid red, blisters formed and forming from the heat generated by the near-miss. "Thirteen," he croaked out. _I never thought I'd miss pain._ "Twelve." _It's disturbing how nothing feels wrong, and yet everything feels wrong._

"His heartrate is spiking," Kodama wanted to yell at him. He was going to die if he took a hit like that. "His vitals don't look right, his heart's working harder than it ought to be."

"Respiration and psychograph are holding steady," Ritsuko stated with a too large smile. "He's fine." _He doesn't feel pain. Oh the wonders we can show him._

"Six," he could feel the air compressing along Unit-01's armor as his speed approached the record he established during the desperate sprint to catch the Bomb Angel. "Five," it felt disturbing, like millions of centipedes crawling along his face, hands, and neck. "Four," it was even worse along the blisters. "Three," he was halfway to his target. "Two," _Don't think about what you're going to do. It makes you predictable._ "One," he launched himself to the left, another plume of death evaporating the fallen and broken trees in his wake.

"Maya, give him a repeated countdown on his HUD. Paladin, what's your play here?" Misato couldn't help him if she didn't know what he was doing, and he'd decided that there was no time to wait, "Talk to me."

"Snipers can't fire when you're in their face," Shinji learned that accidentally. When he had become caught between Suzuka and Gen, he turned to face the closest threat as he had been instructed. Gen had to stop firing his arrows, allowing him to disarm the man. _My side_ really _itches,_ "Hard to aim your weapon properly with someone trying to feed it to you."

"Wooden weapons are different than energy weapons," Kodama muttered loud enough for Misato to hear. She looked at the information displayed before her, _Why does it look like he's bleeding out? He shouldn't be working this hard, not if he can run like he did yesterday._ "His heartrate's very elevated."

"Same principle," Misato ignored the medical report as it was outside of her domain. Assessing his course, she nodded as a plan began to form. "Ok, here's what we're going to do. Makoto, I want a staircase made out of these towers." She threw a selection of high-rise buildings into the MAGI. "Stagger them enough that he can jump them at a run. Shigeru, I want you to prioritize the defensive lines here," she traced a path with her stylus on her screen, "and here. See if you can't trick this asshole into turning one of those edges towards the final step, here."

Shinji's foot shifted on a hill that was more dirt and debris than actual stone as he went to avoid the next blast, leaving him compromised. The Angel's attack struck him a glancing blow, forcing him back dozens of meters as the energy beam melted part of his armor.

"Left pylon damaged!" Maya wanted to cry, she could see the kindly young man ignoring the fact that his shoulder under the plugsuit was now a blackened mass. He continued to use the arm, heedless of the damage he would be doing to the skin and bones, charging towards another fight. Another Angel. Always another. _I love you, Shinji. Please…please win. I want to live. I want_ you _to live!_

"I'm fine," Shinji choked out, the LCL congealing in the repeated exposure to extreme heat. "What's the plan, Misa-chan?" _If I'm dying, I'm dying forgiving her. I can't carry this idiot anger everywhere I go. I don't know what's wrong with me, but it has to stop. She's not the Misato I left. These aren't the people I abandoned. They don't deserve me being childish. They deserve a king._

"You see the buildings rising? That's your in. Once you get there, if you're right, it won't be able to fire at you while you beat it to death." Raking her fingers through her hair, Misato shook off several ideas, "I don't think it's a good idea to stop for a rifle, and I'm not sure it would do much good. That red orb is buried pretty deep, and you risk ricochets and secondaries firing at it that close."

"It's firing from the vertices," Maya swallowed her anxiety, he needed her help not her terror. "If you can carve into whatever it's made of, do so from one of the flat planes. It shouldn't be able to target you, and you'll be striking closer to your goal."

"The vertex is weaker," Ritsuko disagreed. "Enough force applied should send cracks along the planes, causing a resonant fault. Crack the edge, and everything should fall apart. It would also eliminate its weapon, if it needs to fire from those points."

"It's your call, Paladin," Misato cut off the argument before doubt could settle in on her pilot. "Do what you can. I don't care if you have to chew through with your teeth, get that bastard off my lawn and come home. First round's on me."

"Roger," his left eye was blurry. His right eye was working double-time. His side itched, his hands itched, his shoulder felt cold, and he was hungry. _Act like a King,_ he berated himself. _Quit. Your. Bitching._

The final dodge was far simpler, the angle he was at with relation to the Angel meant he just had to 'jink', a lesson learned from what Feelgood and Glitch had said. The attack speared the ground, leaving a smoking tunnel that melted dirt, stone, and ore alike. Several steps after, a leaping jump put him on the first roof. Stomping across the surface he ran up the side of another building and jumped for the third. It was taking far too long to make the climb, and as soon as he landed on the fourth roof, he felt the skin on his arms begin to crawl. _Oh hell, where is it-_

Lancing out, the Angel's attack severed his umbilical, striking at a point in amongst the ruins he'd left far beneath him. The beep once more preceded a number which displayed two-hundred and seventy seconds and falling. As his lip twitched in irritation, the Eva automatically ejected the now-worthless weight of his ruined power cable, improving his mobility even while his time in combat now had a very short clock.

"It's too late to pull out," Misato snapped. "Ram it home, Paladin." Kodama jumped up, racing off the bridge without announcing her destination. The violet-haired Tactical Commander frowned, uncertain how to handle someone who only recently joined the roster acting in such a manner. _Handle it later._

A sprinting leap put him atop the fifth roof, and a jump that no sane person would have considered attempting placed him on one of the long flat surfaces of his nemesis. His footing was precarious, the friction of his A.T. Field against the Angel's the only thing keeping him on the monstrosity. Whipping out his progressive knife, he drove it into flesh and used it as a piton to hold him in place. Dangling on the now rapidly spinning diamond, he had to choose a path to victory. Defeat was unthinkable.

A confused series of tones greeted him, repeated twice again louder as if the Angel was uncertain it had been heard.

Ignoring the increasingly loud music, Shinji grit his teeth and willed his Eva towards a more stable position.

 _What to do, what to do?_ The darker voice's laugh was filled with venom. _Listen to the little mouse? Listen to the lustful scientist? Oh me, oh my, what to do?_

 _You know what to do, Shinji,_ the gentle whisper spoke over its opposite. _You've always known what to do, now all you have to do is do it._

Shinji murmured, fighting to keep himself steady, "Who would Hikari tell me to trust?" His heart was hammering in his chest. His hands felt cold. _'She's lying, Shinji. You can't trust her, not that one.'_ The memory of Kodama's voice roared into his mind, _'Trust the other. Believe in her, she's telling the truth. The new voice speaks the truth.'_ He blinked, "My heart…." _Kodama's been talking about my heart, and the 'newer' voice is Maya._

Resolved that he was either right, or about to die anyway, he swung himself back to his knees and made a crawling jump to the incenter of the triangle he was on. Spiking his knife into the blue surface once more, he swung perilously for a moment before he managed to control his momentum. Kicking several times, he made a small rent in the armor, enough to shove his foot in and hold himself in place.

The music became despondent, seeming to insist that a mistake must have been made.

The pleasing whisper swelled, _You are the Lord of Morning, Shinji. Does the Light of Day not flow easily through all windows? Focus, you need not strike the surface, but the matter within. Order your domain, Shinji, it will heed your call!_

"Shinji!" Maya pointed down at her monitor, forgetting that he couldn't see it, "A little to the side there's a crack, slap there as hard as you can! When you hit it just now, everything inside acted like it was suspended in a gel, maybe liquid. Focus your A. T. Field on the point…five point six meters to the left of your knife. If you hit that hard enough, cavitation should take care of the rest!"

"Like a beer bottle," Misato snapped her fingers, "put it on his HUD, Maya, quick!"

Once the spot appeared, Shinji nodded, his left eye mostly blind now. "I see it," _Please. Please work._ He could no longer feel his left hand at all. The clock read two minutes. Focusing what effort he could on his limb, he imagined it as a gigantic hand, molding the Field around it. Striking the surface, he felt the whole of it shudder in response. His grip on the knife shook, and his foot slipped free of the crevice he'd dug into the Angel's 'flesh'. Hanging by the merest thread, he began to feel weaker and weaker.

Sorrow filled his mind, a chorus of weeping and pained confusion.

Everything was pulling him down. Gravity, the Eva, the Angel. He was a failure. He always failed, when things got too hard. He wanted to tell Hikari and Kodama, and he failed. He wanted to save Rei, and he threw her into the path of danger the instant he might have to suffer. He talked a good game, but that's all it was. Talk. There was nothing inside of him to feel pride in. Nothing that would be worth remembering. He would just die, and with him end the last hope of humanity.

Die like everyone else did when he fled his own reality to this one. Die like the Shinji Ikari that belonged here had to have.

 _You disappoint me, Shinji._ The darker voice sneered at him, _You said you'd fight. You said you'd give anything to win, and all you are giving, is up. Pathetic._

Fire surged through him at the taunt, "F-fuck." With a grunt of sheer exertion, he kicked his foot back into place, "You." Summoning everything he had, he struck the point again. The Angel rang like a gong, driving vibrations up Unit-01's arms, along Shinji's spine. The red sphere deep within the Angel's surface wobbled back and forth like an unstable moon, and yet it still wasn't enough.

"It's working," Maya cried out. "Shinji! You can do it!"

Drunken notes, discordant and arrhythmic bobbed before his eyes.

The clock dropped to sixty seconds. _If everything isn't good enough…._

 _Stop fighting the changes, Shinji._ The soft whispers drowned out the darkness, _You are the Lord of Morning. Let go._

Unit-01's hand was heavier than the world. Lifting it above his head, he struggled to focus on the brightly glowing marker he was to strike. There would be no more chances, he had to do it this time. He had to win now. Everyone was depending on him.

Daylight poured across the surface of the Angel as the plane Shinji clung to faced the rising sun. Time slowed as he watched the ultimate target become bathed in a cheery glow. _I don't need to strike the surface…._ Sucking in as much air as he could force into his lungs, he screamed his defiance at the Angel's odd appeals, at the world, at everything that continued to prevent him from living a normal life. The translucent flesh of the Fifth Angel quaked as Unit-01's jaw restraints shattered, the mighty behemoth roaring in tandem with her pilot.

Nearly dislocating their shoulder, Shinji and Unit-01 reared back to strike as the clock reached thirty seconds. When they drove their hand forward, the cry of focused rage channeled the new day's light with it. The pilots, Raffle and Vidar, filming the fight on their approach with Kodama would later swear that they witnessed the arm ignite in glorious flame, the sun itself blessing the attack. Not content with merely abusing the surface, the A. T. Field-enhanced blow bowed the Angel's flesh inward by a dozen meters, the surface violently quaking in response.

The great red gem, the soul of the Fifth Angel, was first pushed down, then yanked upwards with the counter-force, and finally ejected itself as the opposing face exploded brutally outward in a spray of liquified essence. Striking the ground hard enough to fracture, it was soon shattered as the bulk of the body landed atop it in a gory heap, a vertex landing the final blow.

Riding gravity down with its fallen foe, Unit-01 tumbled unceremoniously to the ground beside it. Smeared in the life-flow of the Angel and bathed in a wonderful silence at last, the last few seconds of battery allowed Shinji to see a VTOL rapidly approaching. When the lights faded to emergency power, he let fatigue consume him. He'd won. He'd done his job. Everything else was in someone else's hands now. The king could rest once his people were safe, couldn't he?


	28. Chapter 28

+++++ 5th Angel + 0 : Friday (29)

"I don't know which is more disgusting to me at the moment," Kozo paced slowly before all three of Shinji's 'guardians'. "That I have reached a point where firing all of you and hiring people who are little more than children to do your job seems like a potentially useful plan, or the fact that your colossal errors were somehow ameliorated by the success of the very person you failed miserably." Pausing, he pointed at Maya, "You, I placed in your current position to act as a bridge between the Pilots. How is it that in their first time deployed together, they managed to be adversaries? This takes 'Storming' to a level previously unrecorded by man!"

Maya looked down, her own anger at Ritsuko's devil may care attitude begging to be unleashed. Her one-time senpai had acted as if nothing was wrong the entire time. She had access to the same medical information Kodama did, and it was only the quick thinking of the newly-minted nurse that saved Shinji's life from the deep gouge in his side. Arranging for Noelle to fly her and Kaz out into the very center of the battle, picking up a member of the Engineering group to help extract him from the Eva. She owed the woman far more than simple gratitude.

"And you," Kozo turned his fury on Misato, "please tell me where in the Officer's Manual it shows us that we should be engaging in a cat fight while in combat operations. Your interpersonal problems prevented you from providing appropriate guidance to your Pilot, and were it not for Pilot Ikari's _exemplary_ dedication to combat training on his personal time we would have lost _both_ pilots before the Angel even arrived on the scene. This does not even begin to cover your short-sighted decision to not recall Kodama Horaki, his personal medical support staff! Section Two is not going to cut off your phone call with him when the recall notice is specifically Category One. You do understand that those categories exist for a reason, yes?"

Misato, standing with her eyes locked on a point straight ahead of her, seethed. She knew she'd made an error, forgetting in her anger at Ritsuko that Kodama was cleared and should have been recalled. But she also knew that she wasn't the reason that everything had gone pear-shaped. That reason, all seven stone of her, would either have some very compelling reasons why she should keep her teeth, or she'd never smile so pretty again.

"And of course, last but certainly not least," Kozo turned to face Ritsuko. "Engaging in combat exercises without authorization. Abandoning your post during those combat exercises. Your stunning lack of professionalism during said same combat exercises, continuing on even after the exercise became an actual engagement. Provoking your co-workers in the face of the enemy, and _all of that_ …the only saving grace was you thought to bring in the woman that saved Pilot Ikari's life." Working his jaw, he glared at each of the three women in turn. "Whatever is going on here, stops. Now. We are not a soap opera cast. We are not _children_. I don't care if you can't stand the sight of each other, you will put an end to this nonsense, or I will personally see to it that none of you sets foot outside of the GeoFront again. Do I make myself _perfectly_ clear?"

"Yes sir," Misato stated a fraction of a second before Maya echoed her.

The old man turned slowly to face Ritsuko again, "I'm waiting." His frown hardened as the seconds drifted past.

"What for? It's clear we don't have a choice, old man." Ritsuko smirked, "None of this would have happened were it not for your little pet project. Had you given Shinji to me from the beginning, instead of leaving him in the care of yet another abusive alcoholic, we'd have two fully functional pilots. Instead, you've dedicated all of our resources to a single, if exceptional, pilot and left Ayanami to founder. You've given him to a family whose lone adult takes extended leaves of absence, leaving him to face two hormonally challenged youths alone. When your little experiment blows up in your face, you blame us? Hardly leadership material." She paused, "Sir."

"You," Kozo pointed without looking at Maya, "and you," then to Misato, "out. You have your duties, see to them."

As Misato turned to leave, she grabbed Maya by the arm and forced her to hurry. Whatever was about to happen, she wanted to leave before it did so. There was nothing to be gained by attempting to 'pile on', as anything she might add was another moment his attention wasn't focused on the increasingly erratic Doctor Akagi.

As the door closed, she heard Kozo begin in a cold rage, "You know as well as I do th-" The whoosh of the door closing drowned out the rest of the sentence. The static hum of bridge activity was the only reason Misato felt that she hadn't gone completely deaf, and evidence enough that everyone working was pointedly ignoring what had just happened. _Mommy and daddy are fighting, kids. Everyone just act like this is normal, and it'll all be normal._

"Let it go," Misato stated in clipped tones as she guided Maya to a halt. "Everything you're feeling, everything you want to do, let it go. This isn't a fight we win." Looking over at the wounded countenance of her comrade, she shook her head slowly, "Ritsuko fucked us. I don't know how, I don't know why, but she stonewalled us from access to Rei, she prevented us from running coordinated drills, and I know for a fact that Kozo knows that too. But he's right, and we made a mess of things. We're not going to let this continue. If she tries this horseshit again, I'm going straight to him. It's what he wanted us to do, and we failed."

"He…what?" Maya blinked, confused, "Why would he want us to go right to him?"

"Because he can't just up and fire the only person authorized to work on her black projects," Misato dropped her voice to a whisper. "Whatever she's working on, he needs her. But if we feed him proof that she's stopping us from succeeding against the Angels, he can sideline her." Turning to look out at the bridge, she shook her head slowly, "So let it go. We lost. Shit happens." With a sigh, she took her own advice, "I'll start getting this mess cleaned up. You go see Shinji." When Maya hesitated, she urged her onwards, "I got this. You're not going to get in trouble, I won't let it happen. If he's awake, tell him I'll be up after you come back down to cover me. Go on. Support our little brother."

+++++ 5th Angel + 0 : Friday (29)

Stepping out of the elevator, Maya once more saw the inside of the Corpsmen's medical ward. The curtains inside of the lone suite, where Shinji was recovering from a series of surgical interventions, were drawn closed. There was a hush to the room, a sense of quiet readiness that matched the looks she received as she crossed the room towards the young man she had come to see.

"Before you go in," Green intercepted Maya on her way to the door, placing a hand on her shoulder and shaking his head. "Brace yourself. Brother-man's a sight right now, and neither he nor his ladies need you reacting to it. When you walk in there, keep your tone low, your head screwed on straight, and I won't pull you out. You cause him, or them, problems, and you won't see the inside of this ward again. Savvy?"

Maya blinked, confused, "I'm his-"

"I don't care if you traveled in time after birthing him," Green pressed down harder with his hand. "Brother-man don't need that kind of harsh vibe around him right now. You look spooked, and I can tell you're running on fumes. You get yourself right in the head, then you go in." Tilting his eyes towards Kaz, who was standing near the door with an impassive stare and his impressively muscled arms crossed tightly, "We corpsmen are getting awful tired of people failing him. Getting real upset that we have to keep patching him up, only to send him out to face the bad voodoo alone. Bathroom's right there, coffee pot's right there," he pointed to a side room and a nearby cart, "get some aqua on your face, put some black gold in you, talk yourself down, then you go in."

Looking between the two men, she reached up and touched her cheek in several places, "D-do I really look that bad?"

"There's a make-up kit in the bathroom," Kaz stated more gently than he was himself feeling. "Rina and Hina keep it stocked, should help you reduce the black and puffiness under your eyes. You need to look strong, Captain. His ladies need that strength. If he wakes up, _he_ needs that strength. Man goes out and kicks ass, takes names…what's the first thing he asks when he fights through anesthesia? Not 'Am I going to make it?' or 'Spirits and ancestors why am I conscious while you're cutting away at my side like a slab of beef?!' It's, 'Is Rei-san ok?', 'Did you get her too?' He's clinging to life, and he's still more polite than any fifteen priests combined. When Temple and Hina had no answer, he asked for you and Akagi. Akagi didn't answer her page, and you show up looking like this? If she's a corpse…just get yourself straight, and remember that while he fights like a man, he's seven-fucking-teen." The big man looked away, disgusted with the world. "Has to hurt the only person in the world qualified to help him in combat, and you all won't let us bring her here to be treated."

"Steady, Kaz," Green ushered Maya towards the bathroom. "Captain Ibuki ain't the one making those decisions." Holding the door for her, he nodded in understanding, "You're just as much a victim of the political around here as we are, like Ghost-chan is. Same team, right?"

"Yeah," she laughed ruefully, "same team." The motion-sensitive lights flickered on as she entered the oversized bathroom. The tiling and fixtures all colored in muted tones, tans and browns that didn't reflect the light painfully for those times that the entire area needed to have the lights held low. _Oh…well,_ looking at herself in the mirror, she realized that they were right, _crabapples_. _I look terrible._ Running the faucet, she let the water warm some, _Why_ ever _would I look like this? It's not like I just got my ass chewed by my boss, or just watched someone I care for fight for his life…for_ my _life._

Cupping her hands under the flowing warmth, she pooled enough to rub her face down. It felt wonderful, and in turn she felt guilty. Such a simple pleasure, and Shinji right now sat with burns covering his body. With a knife wound that lacerated a kidney, just barely missing his stomach itself. The water that began to drip back into the sink mixed with the tears that she'd been holding in. _'…He's seven-fucking-teen.'_ Her stomach clenched, her memories of her youth superimposing over her memories of Shinji's fights. As her rage boiled over, she screamed at her reflection, "He should be worrying about grades! He should be fretting that his hair might look silly when he got to class! He should be walking around the mall with friends! He shouldn't be…." A sob choked her words, "What is wrong with her that she smiles while he bleeds out?! She sits there looking satisfied while he dies!" _Ritsuko._ Her mouth twisted into a grimace, _I didn't know you. I_ don't _know you._

Splashing more water on her face, she pulled some paper towels free and wiped everything away. "He needs my strength." Rifling through the makeup bag, she pulled out her weapons of war, "Then he'll have my strength." Applying a light layer, enough to appear as if she were still wide awake and ready for anything, but not enough to seem as if she were on the hunt for a good time, "Yet," she grinned tightly. Thinking of plans for the date she wanted with Hikari, with the young man they both seemed to enjoy the company of, she spent several long minutes making certain of her appearance. Giving herself one final look, she nodded in satisfaction, "No more Miss Nice Captain."

Replacing everything where she found it, she pulled out her wallet and a thousand Yen bill. Walking out of the room, she was greeted by Green, and an offered cup of coffee. Exchanging the note for the mug, she nodded her thanks, "Please, give that to either of them. I appreciate that they go to the effort of sharing what they have, and wouldn't want to seem ungrateful for their efforts." Knocking back the drink in one long swallow, she returned the cup next, "Thank you." Turning to consider the door, she walked over to where Kaz was giving her an appraising look, "Both of you." Her voice became stony, "Now, I'm going to see him."

"Fair enough," Kaz nodded. "Remember, he's asleep. Keep your head, and you won't have any problems from us." Moving from his position next to the door, he pulled it to, tipping his head to indicate she could proceed.

Maya walked in, back straight and shoulders squared, and it was quickly obvious why she needed to prepare herself. The sight hit her like the blow Unit-01 had struck to kill the Angel posthumously named 'Ramiel'. Shinji lay on a bed with over half of his face covered in loose bandages, his upper torso naked save for more of the same along those sections where the Eva had taken a solid blow. She knew that under there would be ruined flesh, and despite the concealing cloth she could see it still in her mind. _He didn't hesitate. He didn't waver. Like a Paladin, he fought until everyone had been given safety behind his broken and shattered body. There was no pain in his mind, nothing but his duty to us._

Laying half on the bed, Hikari held his hand as she fitfully slept. Too exhausted to stay awake, she still clung to his healthier hand in case he moved. If Maya thought that she looked wretched, she now knew what true despair could do to a woman. Even asleep, the freckle-faced Class Rep seemed drawn and drained. _It's a good thing you don't wear makeup, Hikari,_ Maya smiled sadly. _You've been crying far too much, far too often. Still a real beauty, though. I…don't know that I'll ever be competition for you in that arena._

Kodama sat in a chair towards the foot of the bed reading on a tablet computer loaned to her by the Corpsmen, either not having heard Maya's entrance or not deigning to recognize it. She, too, was worse off for the events of the past half of a day, and she showed it in subtle ways. It seemed that to her credit that her education, her training, and with a subtle bitterness Maya realized, her natural beauty all staved off the despair that Hikari showed. _That I showed. Spirits, if Hikari looks like that when she grows up, I doubt I'll ever get Shinji's eyes on me._

As fate would have it, Shinji's right eye opened slowly, the sky-blue iris focusing on her. "Maya," there was none of the typical gentle strength in his voice, none of the warmth and caring. Instead he sounded just like an alcohol and nicotine fueled lead singer of a heavy metal band after an eight-hour set, "Rei-san…."

"She's alive," Maya was proud of herself in that moment. She wanted nothing more than to break down and cry at the sound of his voice, but she held to her pride and fought on, "Still unconscious, Doct…they're running tests now to see what happened." _I won't curse your ears with her name._ "You saved her, Shinji. You saved all of us." Walking over, she lightly caressed his undamaged shoulder, "You shouldn't be awake, you need to stop fighting the anesthesia."

"Can't." He took in a deep breath, causing Maya to wince as the bandages shifted across flesh that had to be blaring with pain, "Body won't sleep." Trying to swallow, his mouth too dry to produce the needed saliva, he trailed his eye down to the hand held by his unconscious love, "I messed up."

"You'd best not make me come over there, Shinji," Kodama threatened from her seat. The nurse's eyes never left her reading, a bubble of anger touching the surface of her outer calm. "We're alive because you did what you had to do. It's not Ayanami-san's fault that her giant killer robot doesn't do what it's told, and it is not _your_ fault that you had to put it down like a rabid dog. If you ask Captain Ibuki, I'm certain she would tell you the same thing."

"Y-yes," Maya frowned in confusion, "Shinji, you can't be seriously thinking that what happened to Ayanami-chan is your fault?" When his eye slid back up to stare at her, she saw the truth glowing from its depths. "No. There is _one_ person who takes blame for what happened," she hesitated, still not wanting to bring the woman into the room, "and her cheap dye job isn't here right now." She saw Kodama look up at her from the corner of her vision, an appraising glance, "If she hadn't refused to do joint testing, you would have been there when everything went wrong from the start. You would have been able to prevent her from getting anywhere close to the city, and you would have been able to get her to safety." Rolling a stool over, she sat down and gripped his elbow gently, "Shinji, you save people. You don't hurt them. You gave everything you had to not hurt her, and I know she'd be here thanking you for it if she were awake."

"It seems that it isn't just the people who live with you that feel that way," Kodama announced firmly. "It _seems_ that maybe you should be listening to us, and not beating yourself up because you didn't win 'better'." Keeping her voice low, to avoid waking her sister, she set aside her tablet, "Ibuki-san," the nurse leaned forward, "why can't we put him in the L-Nine? From what I'm reading, it should be perfect for burns. The Corpsmen say they don't have authorization, and Temple-san is supposedly waiting for a chance to speak with Uncle Kozo about that oversight."

"I'm fine," Shinji shook his head slowly. "Little thirsty." Taking another deep breath, he looked down the bed at Kodama, "In tank…can't touch." His slow blink showed his fatigue, demonstrating that what little rest he had been able to manage was the result of his loved ones being nearby.

"Baby," Kodama rolled her eyes, "I'll climb in the damn tank with you if it'll get you in it. You aren't alone, and you aren't going to _be_ alone." Flicking her eyes towards the woman she felt may be more of a compatriot than antagonist, she tipped her head towards him, "You tell him. We're all here for him, we're not going anywhere."

 _Baby?_ Maya filed that away for later, her obstacles seeming to grow right before her eyes, "I'll make sure Temple-san gets a chance to talk to the Sub-Commander. I was curious why nobody placed you in it this time, but I'm not the one managing your case." _Strength_. Standing, she brushed his hair back some, careful to not disturb the bandages, "You are loved, Shinji. More than you know," bending down, she kissed him on the healthy side of his mouth gently. "And it kills us, Misato-san, me, everyone on the bridge, to see you like this. You should _not_ be forced to fight to the death. You, Hikari-chan, and I are going to have that dinner date when you're healthy. So stop fighting the medicine, and stop arguing with Kodama-san. She's the reason you're still alive, she knows best." Turning to the grateful beauty, she nodded her thanks.

"Maybe he'll listen to you…Maya-san," Kodama grinned tightly. "Thank you for stopping by. It's nice to see that he has others in his corner." The words, genuine and heartfelt, defused much of the air of hostility in the room.

"Misato-san will be up as soon as she can," Maya sighed. "She'd be here with me now, but…things don't just put themselves back together. If you need something, Shinji…please, ask." Rubbing the backs of her fingers against his cheek, she put as much affection as she could into the gesture, then turned to walk back to her job. Passing through the door, she stifled her crying until she heard the door slide shut.

Green put his arm around her shoulders, "Righteous job, sister." Handing her a handkerchief, he kept a light touch on her as he spoke reassuringly, "That's the kind of mojo he needs around him right now. You don't lose your heart, you just keep your head. Right, Kaz?"

"Just so," the big man nodded with a sympathetic look.

"Take care of him," Maya pulled away a slightly damp, makeup stained cloth, frowning as she tried to recover her emotional stability. "He's…he's…."

"We know," Green closed her hand around the cloth. "Keep it. You take care of the city, leave brother-man to us. You're welcome up here to visit him any time, now."

"Thank you," Maya dabbed her eyes dry again. "If he needs anything, anything at all…." Shaking her head, she moved to the elevators. _What he needs is someone to help him fight. He needs a partner out there that he can rely on._ As the elevator descended, so did her thoughts. Ritsuko acted smug and treated this like a game? Maybe it was time that someone showed her that she wasn't the best in town.

+++++ 5th Angel + 0 : Friday (29)

Hearing the doors to the bridge open, anger-filled footsteps echoing throughout the mostly quiet chamber, Misato looked briefly over to see Maya approaching. Not wanting the woman to be besieged with questions, she asked the one everyone within earshot would most want to have answered, "How's he doing?" _Please say he's ok._

"Are you familiar with the old movies about mummies?" Maya's dark scowl struck everyone around her as exceedingly atypical, "Someone is blocking access to the L-Nine. The Corpsmen can't immerse him, despite it likely being the best possible thing for him." Her grey eyes shifted to the door to the briefing room, "Is he still in there?"

"As far as I know," the violet-haired Captain didn't like the way her newest friend was looking at the door. "Talk to me, Maya. You're looking an awful lot like Shinji did when he charged the Angel just now. Terrible things happen when you don't plan your attacks."

"Three people have the authority to release L-Nine privileges." Her eyes stayed locked on the door, "Two of them are in that room, and the Commander left as soon as the Angel was defeated." Blinking, her eyes refocused on Misato, "Of the three, who would be the most likely to do something that would lead to harming Shinji?"

"Ok, I'm tracking," the Tactical Commander nodded, gesturing to encourage her friend to keep talking. "So what are you going to do?"

"What I do best, facilitate," she gestured to Temple, who stood leaning against a wall near the meeting room. "It's something of a medical emergency, and a readiness issue. If we have to put Shinji back in the Eva, he needs to be on the road to recovery _now_ not when she's done stonewalling." Turning to walk towards the head of the Corpsmen, she called over her shoulder, "If you wouldn't mind holding down the fort for a few more minutes."

Misato couldn't think of a reason to stop her from trying, though something bugged her about allowing it to happen. Maya was enraged, that much was clear. She was also in control of herself despite her haggard appearance. The crying must have been in reaction to seeing Shinji, something she hoped to be doing soon. Even if he wasn't awake, she would at least know that she'd made the effort. Something that she was wanting to do more and more of, with regard to him. _It's strange, knowing that there's a man out there who cares about me, and not just certain parts of me. A man I can care about…without having to take him into a bed to prove it to myself._

"Doc?" Maya's familiarity with the jargon acting as part of her plan to win the woman's support, "I just came back from your nest. Thank you for doing what you could to help Shinji."

"Hmph," Temple kept her eyes on the door, and her thoughts to herself. Commissioned officer or no, the Senior Chief knew her place and her value. The freshly-minted Captain would need to earn her attention, as one of the people responsible for her most recent patient's current predicament.

"I was hoping I could ask for you to back me up here," she pressed on, hoping that the older woman's anger was for whoever was stopping the most efficient healing and not for her specifically. "I'm about to force my way into whatever they're talking about, as I don't believe we're doing the right thing by waiting to get Shinji in the L-Nine."

Temple's eyebrow raised slightly, though her gaze still focused on her target her interest was clearly piqued.

"Now, as I haven't been involved in the surgery, or the burn care, I don't know enough specifics." The grey-eyed guardian rolled her hand, "I know enough to make a case, but I was hoping that after I drew their attention I could rely on you to make a solid _emergent_ case for expediting this."

"Fair enough," Temple stood from the wall, speechifying meaning little to the woman. "Let's kick down a door."

Maya nodded politely, then stalked over to the meeting room door and keyed in the MAGI-override code to open it. The portal slid open briskly, and the sounds from within the chamber continued at volume for a split second before cutting off entirely. Both the Professor and the Doctor stood within striking distance of the other, arms crossed and obviously startled that anyone would have the audacity to disturb the meeting.

"Captain," Kozo's voice was dangerously polite, "I assume you have a reason for interrupting?"

"Pilot Ikari has been refused access to the L-Nine," Maya stated without preamble. "As returning him to Flight Status as soon as practicable is part of my assigned duties, I brought Senior Chief Temple down so that she could speak to the medical necessity." _If I take the hit for the interruption, she can stay out of trouble. Shinji needs her talents._ Turning so that she faced both parties, she gestured for her temporary ally to speak, "Doc?"

"Sir," the professionalism of the Corpsmen was never in doubt, as their leader demanded everyone follow her example. She knew her targets, knew her audience, and knew to put her grievances aside when necessary, "Pilot Ikari's unique physiology helps him recover faster than anyone I've ever seen, but even he can't heal quickly from this in open air. An hour in the L-Nine is worth four outside of it, if the redacted records of Pilot Ayanami's incident are anything to go by. In addition to a long laceration to his kidney and several smaller injuries to nearby organs and tissue, he has third degree burns over a sizable portion of his upper torso, second degree burns over his face and neck, as well as certain patches on his left elbow and forearm. Every minute that goes by increases the chance of infection, or lifelong scarring. From both a physical and psychological health standpoint, I can't stress enough the need for immediate and active intervention."

The Sub-Commander's brow knit briefly, "I believe I heard you say 'refused'," he looked to Maya, "who is refusing the treatment?"

"That would be me," Ritsuko stated blandly. "As we were discussing before we were interrupted," she smirked with condescending amusement towards the two women, "I believe that the L-Nine is to blame for Ayanami-chan's actions during the recent event. Much like Shinji-kun's transformation, I only have supposition to go off of until further analysis. However, if I were to allow him to be exposed again, we might lose our only functioning pilot. Weighing issues such as minor self-esteem loss against the inability to protect the human race, it doesn't seem wise to take the risk."

Kozo stared coldly at the bottle-blonde, "Tetanus, among other diseases common in major burn cases, will cause more than 'minor self-esteem loss', Doctor. What would you estimate the chances are of a negative reaction to immersion? We are looking at 'will' right now, as opposed to your 'might'."

"Unknown," she shrugged. "If I'm allowed to monitor his recovery uninterrupted in my lab, I could be more certain of a positive outcome. My recent staffing change," her eyes flicked towards Maya briefly, "has created a backlog of work. As the Commander won't authorize direct hiring, I'm forced to rely on sub-par assistants, leading to…how did you put it? 'Undesirable results'?" Her smile became darkly amused, "However, there are a few problems. One, I don't have the legal authority to work medically with him according to you. Two, I'm the only medical professional authorized to work on Ayanami-chan, and I can't be in two places at once. And the most important third problem, if something goes wrong we're no longer capable of fielding an Evangelion Unit to defend the city."

"Would normal LCL be of any use?" Kozo looked between the three women present, "We need solutions, not excuses."

"It might reduce the chance of infection, if we circulate it through several filters," Temple stated simply. "It wouldn't accelerate healing. That gunk is little more than a moisturizer, and I have plenty of that in the Ward." Regarding Ritsuko with a flat look, she continued, "Give me two engineers and an hour and I'll have a tank we can fill with L-Nine in place where I can keep an eye on him. He knows me and trusts my Corpsmen, I'll personally sit there and talk to him until he's out of danger. We see any problems, I'll have Kaz rip the cask apart to get him out if I have to."

"While I won't deny her medical bona fides," Ritsuko interjected, "Senior Chief Temple doesn't have a wealth of experience dealing with the odd nature of modified LCL. I can't promise results, but I can guarantee you that nobody will produce better results than me." She looked to Maya, an unspoken taunt shading her next statement, "It's a matter of pride for the Science Division to maintain its focus on these studies, after all."

 _You bitch. I can't believe I…._ "I would argue that point, sir." Shifting her hands behind her back, Maya attacked in the only way she knew she could, "While Doctor Akagi may have her name on many of the reports, most of the work was handled by me. Manipulating the ratio of the chemicals, monitoring fluctuations, and setting up the analytic testing used were all part of my routine assignments." Lifting her chin slightly, she tossed the dice, "I understand that my duty station at the moment is assisting in recovery operations, but without a pilot we're bailing water with thimbles. I can monitor Shinji's recovery better than anyone, and can educate Senior Chief Temple on the process. If we're going to have more fights like this one, we need more people empowered to keep him safe and deployable, not fewer."

"Agreed," Kozo cut Ritsuko off before she could speak. "Doctor Akagi, I want continuing updates on Pilot Ayanami's status. Captain Ibuki, I'm granting you permission to authorize L-Nine usage for Pilot Ikari _alone_. No other personnel can be exposed without further authorization. You may not delegate that authorization further. Teach the Senior Chief what you can, but your new duty station is wherever he is until he's back on his feet. Dismissed."

Ritsuko's jaw clenched, "Fuyutsuki, I-"

" _Dismissed._ " Turning, he moved back to the head of the table. The discussion finished in his mind, if not in reality.

Glaring at Maya, the bottle-blonde stalked out of the room.

"Let's go find some engineers," Maya scowled after Ritsuko's retreating form. Turning to look at the Senior NCO, she smirked, "We have a hero to patch up."

+++++ 5th Angel + 0 : Friday (29)

Several hours later, Shinji found himself once more floating in a tank of semi-transparent amber liquid. "Crawling." Speaking was still difficult, despite the lubricating effect produced by the L-Nine his throat and chest refused to function the way he asked it to, "Like centipedes." He was tired, but every time he tried to sleep the song began echoing through his mind in earnest again, preventing him from turning his consciousness off.

"That sounds like things knitting back together," Temple made some notes on her tablet. "With the way you heal, it's probably just your body telling you that things are mashing back together." The stab wound and burns were nothing new to the Senior Chief, though she'd never seen someone as placid as her current patient when dealing with such severe trauma.

"But does it hurt," Maya pressed him. "You aren't going to be made fun of, Shinji." She placed her hand on the glass, smiling gently, "You don't need to impress us with stoicism. We _know_ how tough you are. Pain lets us know that the nerve endings are working properly, and with burns as serious as yours, it tells us how bad things will be."

"I…." He still couldn't see more than a blur out of his left eye, and so he turned his head to see the sleeping forms on the other side of the room, Kodama and Hikari sharing the bed he vacated to catch some small amount of rest. "I don't feel pain." He knew that Nozomi was asleep still, in one of the side chambers off the main room that the Corpsmen used when they pulled double shifts. It didn't help him feel much better, as the youngest Horaki would eventually ask to see him.

"That's not great," Temple quirked her lip. "We're going to have to do some testing once you're out, see where the pain starts happening. Maybe involve some neurologists, see if there's any therapies we can use."

"No," Shinji sighed. _Truth._ "I mean…. I don't feel pain. At all." He looked to Maya and tugged on his hair with his right hand, "Not since this."

"No pain?" Maya blinked, shaking her head slowly, "Shinji, why didn't you tell me? That's not good! What if you put your hand on the stove? Or stepped on a nail? Pain is the body's way of telling you that you're suffering damage, this isn't something you hide!"

"Steady," Temple growled. "He already thinks he's enough of a freak without us making a production of his fears."

Maya's hair fanned out as she snapped her attention to the older woman, whispering harshly, " _He is not a freak!_ "

"Didn't say he was, Captain. I said he thinks he is." The Senior NCO looked back to Shinji, "It's hard being different, ain't it? All this crap going on, and nobody understands a damn thing. People look at you, think it's all sunshine and lollipops, but they don't know bupkis."

Shinji nodded, looking down and away.

"I got something called a 'photographic memory'. I see something, I can't forget it." Temple tapped her forehead, "All the bad, all the crap I've seen, all stuck here. I don't control when it comes up, how long it stays, nothing. Works great for remembering cases, making sure to use the right treatments, the right medications, it's a Corpsman's dream." She grimaced, "Until you remember the folks that didn't make it. The ones that lay there screaming in agony from a shot in the gut until they died of blood loss despite our best efforts." Turning to regard Maya, she raised an eyebrow, "He's handling his rucksack, ma'am. Let's keep it even, ok?"

"I'm sorry," Shinji apologized. "I was…afraid."

Maya grimaced, then scowled down at the floor, "No, Shinji…I'm sorry." _He needs my strength._ Squaring her shoulders, she shook her head, "I shouldn't have snapped at you like that. Your transformation is partly my fault, and anything stemming from it is something I need to take an active hand in helping you address. I let my fears override my good sense, and you deserve better from me."

"No," Shinji returning his gaze to her as he tried to interrupt, not wanting the kindly woman to feel guilt over something that wouldn't have happened if he had done a better job the first time through.

"Shinji, stop." Maya lifted her chin, fixing him with a commanding stare, "You did not ask for this, you did not seek this out, and you are not to blame for your fears. Now, let's look for solutions, instead of dwelling on what's passed."

"Sound strategy," Temple grunted. "Ok, no pain…what about pleasure?" She frowned, "Or anything at all, really. When something hits you, what do you feel?"

"I…." Taking another deep breath, he worked his jaw, "Yes. It's hard, talking." The question was important, and he wanted to help answer it so he knew what was wrong with him, but his energy was low and his patience lower. He felt like he'd had no rest, despite the anesthesia, despite collapsing in the Eva, he'd been active and going for well over a day now. On top of everything, he was tired of being social, of dealing with people. He needed the help, but he wanted to go away from everything for a time, just…stop having to speak.

"Got it," Temple nodded in response. "Ok, the Captain says she has a way to inject something to help you catch twenty. We'll be monitoring you closely, so try to relax. Sleep will help you heal, and you might not be aware of it," her quick grin caught him off guard, "but you're kind of banged up..." Her smile dropped, "Captain, what's his rank?"

"He doesn't have one," Maya responded, confusion evident on her features. "Why?"

"Because he's going into combat," the Senior Chief shook her head in disgust. "He's no Merc, and when my kids address him it will be with proper respect."

"Call him Paladin," Misato spoke softly from the doorway. "It's a name he's earned, and it was given to him by people that understand and respect what he's managed to do." Crossing the distance between the door and the tank of L-Nine, she leaned against the glass and pressed a kiss to the smooth surface above his shoulder, "We're horrible enough people conscripting you into this war, demanding that you accept a commission would be a bridge too far. You deserve as much of a life as you can live outside of the regimentation being an officer would entail."

"Paladin, then." Temple pursed her lips in thought, "If my classical education doesn't fail me, that was a title. It'll do." Turning to address the newest well-wisher, she rolled her hand, "We're going to try knocking him out again, Captain. I'll give you until the meds start working before I kick you out."

Maya lightly touched Misato's shoulder, "I have to go organize everything. Don't press him for too much detail, he's having a tough time talking." Smiling at Shinji, she winked, "I'll be right back. Promise."

Nodding to the departing women, Shinji turned his attention back to his former housemate, "I'm sorry." Even if they didn't accept it, he needed to apologize. Needed to let them know that he wasn't intentionally cruel. He was just angry, and he thought mean things because he was angry at his lot in life. They didn't deserve the blame. They didn't.

"I'm not," Misato's million-megawatt smile washed over him. "Nobody I'd have rather had out there, not in the entire world." Placing her hand atop the glass, she tilted her head slightly until he mimicked the action, "You're one-in-three-billion Shinji. You fought to save Ayanami, you overcame my failures, you fought to a standstill with an arm tied behind your back, and then you fought tooth and nail against a sneak attack by an Angel. You saved us, you saved the city, and I'll keep my promise."

Shinji wished he could reach through the glass, feel her hand in his. Allowing the confusion he felt show, he asked simply, "Promise?" She was trying so hard to be a good person, and he repaid her by blaming her for the actions of a dead woman. _A woman I left to die._

"Yeah," she nodded with a smirk, "first round? Remember? You, me…maybe Maya and Hikari if they ask nicely."

"Oh…don't have to," he knew it was just a figure of speech. She had other, better things to do.

"No, I don't," her shrug was nonchalant. "I want to, though. I _want_ to spend more time with you, I _want_ to get to know you. If nothing else, I want you to get to know _me_. I don't want to be 'that bitch that sends me out to die', Shinji. Three times I've had to send you out, give me a chance to at least take you out for some fun as many times?"

 _My Misato…._ Shinji swallowed, thankful that the tears dissolved in the LCL before they became obvious, "I'd…like that." _My Misato wouldn't have done this, either. What am I? Am I the last survivor of a dead reality? Am I just a dream within a dream?_

"Could I ask for one small favor," Misato's hand curled into a fist, displaying her desire to hold his hand in turn, "just a small one?"

"Anything," _I shouldn't make statements like that. But…they don't get the praise they deserve, they don't get anything…._

Her smile seemed pained, "If you're better, if you can, come with me on a trip?"

 _The 'Over the Rainbow'. The Sixth Angel._ "Sure," he knew he'd never get a break. He'd never get rest. "Where?" _Asuka._

"A neat little ship," she put everything she had into sounding excited. "If she can come, maybe we can bring Hikari. See the sights, meet new people, maybe have a good time while we're at it."

 _Take Hikari?! To the place where an Angel attacks?!_ "No," he shook his head firmly, the marred flesh quivering grotesquely as his muscles clenched in adamant opposition to the very notion of exposing his girlfriend to risk. "Business trip. No civilians."

"All ri…no?" Misato blinked, already ahead of the conversation and having to double back, surprised by the tonal shift, "I would have thought you'd be happy to show her something new and work-related."

"No," he put every ounce of forcefulness he could muster into that one word. "You, me. Business trip. No civilians."

"Shinji, I doubt we'd be attacked by anything out in the middle of the Pacific," Misato turned as the door opened, Maya entering with a long, sealed, tube full of odd-looking chemicals. "She'd be on board the Flag Ship of the UN's Second Fleet, there's almost no safer place in the world."

"I. Said. No." Clenching his hand, he pressed the fist against the glass, the action bunching the burnt flesh further up his arm. Shinji kept his eyes locked on Misato even as the site of the wound disfigured and blisters burst, "Weapons. Useless. No safety. No."

"Shinji, Shinji," Maya set the canister down on the nearby chair, "calm down. Calm," making a soothing motion against the container, she patted it until he looked at her, "calm. Nobody's going to force anything to happen you don't want, ok? I didn't quite catch what you were talking about, but I'm sure that if you feel this strongly about it, we can make sure that it doesn't happen. Right, Misato-san?" _Agree with me. You got him worked up, you need to help me calm him down!_

"Uh, sure," she agreed slowly. "We'll leave Hikari here, when we go." _He's so positive that we'll be attacked at sea. Why?_

"See?" Maya shifted to block his line of sight as best she could, obscuring Misato to bring his attention away from whatever had worked him into harming himself, "Everything's fine. I'm sure Misato has a million things to do on the bridge," she glanced over her shoulder, her eyes hardening, "so let's say our goodbyes while I get this injected, ok?"

"Sure, sure," Misato frowned, further surprised by Maya's sudden aggressive ruthlessness with protecting their ward. "I'm sorry if I worried you, Shinji. We'll take the trip, just you, me, and Raffle. She's planning on teaching you to fly on the way there, if you're feeling up to it," she hoped to leave him with something more positive to remember the conversation with. "I'll see you when I can get away from the repairs, ok?" With a loose wave, she turned and walked away possessing even more questions than she entered the room with.

"That'll be fun," Maya turned back to Shinji, a warm smile replacing the steely look, "maybe something to look at as a hobby once all of this is over." Hefting the fluid once more, she moved back behind the tank where he couldn't see her. "Someday you can take me for a flight, I'd like that."

"Don't know," _every time I promise to do something, I fail. Am I just being asked for the impossible?_ "Dangerous." _I was so happy hearing Misato say those things, then I turn around and yell at her. But I can't risk Hikari. I wouldn't even take Misato, if I could give her a reason for it!_

"That's part of the fun," Maya stepped back into view. "A little danger every now and again is good for the heart," placing her hand back on the tank, she gave him a sympathetic smile, "Keeping Hikari away from something you feel is too dangerous is fine, Shinji. It's honorable. I can see you struggling with telling Misato 'No', but if what she was asking went beyond what you feel right, you're doing a good thing by saying that."

Closing his eyes, he let his head hang slightly, "Said 'Anything'…said 'No'."

"Shinji," _he needs my strength_ , "look at me." Waiting for him to work together the drive, knowing the sedatives would be working soon on him, she had her smile in place when his eyes arrived at her own, "You did good. Never, _never_ , feel bad about saying 'No' to something you don't like. Even if it's something we want really badly, if you don't want it, then don't." Her heart warmed as he reached up to touch the spot she held on the glass, "No matter what it is, Shinji. If the person is the kind of individual you want to keep in your life, they'll understand."

 _I should trust her, right? Kodama said so._ "May leave. Alone again."

"Never," Maya pressed her other hand to the tank. "Only death will separate you from the ones worth keeping, Shinji. A loyal friend, a true partner, puts up with you when you're at your worst. Because they know, in their heart, that you need them to be there. Because they want to know that when they're at their worst, you'll be there for them." Smiling sadly, she crinkled her nose cutely, "Let's build that kind of rapport. So that when I'm old and grey, when it's my time to pass, I can be holding your hand and know that someone I can trust is there with me to see me to the other side of the river."

"Might die first," Shinji shared her melancholy. His eyelids felt heavier and heavier.

"Then I'll be there," the newly minted Captain whispered. "I'll hold your hand, even in spirit, to see you to the other side of the river." _You can't die, Shinji. We need you._ I _need you._

"Try," he nodded. "Maya…." _Do I tell her? I'm so damn tired, but it's important._ Fighting the medication, he forced himself to speak, "Ritsuko…trouble." His eyes drifted shut, "Think…wrong." _I'm not making sense._

"I know, Shinji." _She'll never hurt you again, not if I can help it._ "I'm doing what I can, don't you worry. You let me take care of her, you focus on getting better." Maya held her hands in place until his drifted down, his fall into unconsciousness no longer undeniable. "Sleep well, Paladin. Your watch is done for now."


	29. Chapter 29

+++++ 5th Angel + 0 : Friday (29)

"What do you mean I can't see him?" Nozomi frowned at the big man standing in her path, "My nii-san needs to know I'm ok, and I need to make sure he's happy."

"You don't need to see him as he is, kid," Kaz shook his head. "He's pretty banged up, and he's resting. Maybe in a week or so, once the worst of it has gone down. But-"

"I am _not_ waiting a week to see my nii-san!" Nozomi's voice reached registers she rarely utilized, "He is right there," she swung her hand directly to where he rested in the L-Nine on the other side of the door and curtained window-walls, "and you are going to get out of my way." Marching forward, she was quickly held at bay by a new challenger.

"Nozomi-chan," Rina shifted between Kaz and Nozomi while Hina shuffled the big man off, "before I help you in to see him, you need to answer a few questions. It's adult stuff, but if we don't do it, we get in super big trouble."

Swooping back in after shoving her coworker into a nearby chair, the mirror twin crouched down to nod earnestly, "You don't want us to get in trouble, right? After all, we're just doing our job here, like you."

"You'll help me," Nozomi narrowed her eyes, "if I answer the questions?"

"If you answer the truthfully," Rina started.

Hina finished, "we'll help you see him."

The youngest Horaki's tone was dubious, "Is this a test?"

"No," both answered simultaneously. "It's a short questionnaire."

Giggling, Nozomi covered her mouth, "That's funny, how do you do that?"

"We're twins," the pair continued. They pointed at each other, "I know what she's thinking," then at themselves, "because it's what I'm thinking. Are you ready for the questions?"

"Mm-hmm," she nodded eagerly. "I need to see my nii-san."

"Ok," Rina held up one finger, "first question: have you ever seen him without any clothes on?"

"…No," Nozomi blinked. "I've seen him without a shirt on, but that's it."

Hina held up a finger of her own, "Second question: do you know what a third degree burn means?"

"Uh-uh," she sagged slightly, _This is just like Daddy, when he wants me to see that I'm not thinking._

"Last question," they asked together, "do you think you should see him right now?"

Looking down at her feet, she shook her head. "He's hurting very badly, isn't he?"

"We're helping him, Nozomi-chan." Rina brought the little lady into a hug, "And I know he misses you."

"He asked where you were, when he was awake," Hina moved to set up a teaching exercise to take Nozomi's mind off of the situation she found herself in. "Wanted to make sure his imōto was all nice and safe."

Picking her up off the ground easily, Rina moved the young girl over to where Hina had begun placing objects, "But you know what we can do while we wait for one of your nee-san to wake up?"

Hina grinned, "You can learn about the techniques we used to help your nii-san. So when you see his scar, you know what happened to cause it to look like that!" Holding up a scalpel, she winked, "This, is a number ten blade."

+++++ 5th Angel + 0 : Friday (29)

Approaching Misato at her terminal, the Professor felt far older than his near seven decades. His meeting with Gendo had gone as he had anticipated, the man's darker rage having taken over as he had no answers to the important questions. "What's your opinion," he asked quietly, "is he going to bounce back, or did we just lose him?" He hated to give even the appearance of doubt in his young pilot, but duty was a harsh mistress.

"Oh, Sir!" Misato went to stand, only to feel Kozo's hand on her shoulder pushing her back into her seat.

"No," he shook his head. "I'm done being angry for now," _he's_ angry enough for any ten people. With a sigh, he looked at the monitors displaying the efforts of the Tokyo-3 Restoration Crew, "You know what you did, you also know that I'm just as angry at myself as I am at you. This is Miss Katsuragi speaking to Mister Fuyutsuki. I need to know what you think; did we lose him?"

Watching him watch the monitors, Misato thought through her answer. _If I asked him, right now, to fight an Angel, he'd race me to the gantries._ _The question we should be asking, is should we let him?_ "I don't think we did," she began slowly. "I think, if anything, he's starting to see enemies everywhere." _I have to help him, even if it means having him questioned by a shrink._ "I asked him if he'd be ok going with me to the 'Over the Rainbow', if he healed quick enough. He's pulled off stranger miracles."

Kozo's head turned slightly towards the Tactical Commander, "And?"

"Well, I asked if he wanted to take Hikari-chan. Show her what he does at work, maybe impress her a little, you know?" She shrugged, "She's a civvie, he's a dashing pilot, sure they're already pretty hard for each other but there's nothing wrong with giving him a chance to woo her more, right?" Her lips twitched in consternation, "Hard 'No'. Not even hesitation, he just flat out said he wasn't taking her on a business trip. Too dangerous."

 _Prescient._ "I see," Kozo kept his surprise hidden easily. "Well, he probably just doesn't want her to be where there's a lot of military equipment, a lot of moving machinery, and rude foreigners." _It makes sense, from his perspective. He's just protecting the Horaki family as best he can. Even if he's unknowingly right about the next issue's likely appearance._

"Maybe," Misato tepidly agreed. "I'm just worried that he's going to start seeing danger everywhere, sir. Angel attacks, assassins, his own teammates turning against him." She looked to the screens, "If I didn't know better, I'd say that someone wants to drive fear so deep into his mind that he loses all hope. I…." She rubbed her cross, "I don't want that for him."

 _Ironically prescient._ "I laud that instinct, Katsuragi-san," he patted her shoulder firmly. "I trust that you'll follow where it leads, help him see that there's life beyond our war. No matter what certain Commanders may say, he's not a tool for us to use and abuse at will. He must be hard as steel during combat, we should help him understand that his armor can be set aside when he's not fighting for our lives."

"Thank you, sir," it improved her mood, hearing him say as much. She knew his anger wasn't everlasting, and that he tried to do what was best for the son of a man that had no humanity left in him, but for him to admit openly that Shinji was more than just another weapons component meant that maybe she was wrong. _It's a start._

+++++ 5th Angel + 1 : Saturday (30)

 _And so, here we are again._ Shinji felt the voice he associated with darker tidings drift past as he floated in nothingness. _You. Me. This lovely locale you seem to enjoy. Why is it that you like it here, Shinji? There are so many better places to be, so many wonderful things to be doing, and yet here you sit staring at this…void._

"Where are we?" He wasn't going to fall into the trap of allowing the voice control again, "Why can't I see anything?"

 _Asks the Lord of Morning._ The smug tone rankled him, _If you don't like the darkness, why don't you try turning on the light?_

"If you're not going to answer me," he tried to return to the peace of oblivion, "just leave me alone."

 _Why? So you can mope about here? That's no fun,_ he felt fingers trail along his shoulders, the odd contours of his charred flesh providing asymmetrical sensations to the touch, _we could do so many other things, Shinji. Just use a little imagination. Come on, let's play a game. Just the two of us. We could even try crossing the river, see what lies on the other side._

"I want to sleep," he snapped.

 _And when has what you want_ ever _mattered, Shinji?_ The voice laughed dolefully, _Go on, tell me one time._

 _The Light_ , "It matters to Hikari. To Kodama. To Nozomi."

 _So you_ can _learn,_ she applauded briefly. _If you really believe yourself, and I'm not saying you do, why is it still so dark?_

A flash of green light pulsed around him as he snarled, "Because you're the one that brought me here!"

 _Ooo, temper, temper,_ the fingers once more trailed along his chest. _Be cautious with that my little lordling. You can do a great deal more damage than you think…to you and everything around you._

"Wh-what happened?" For an instant, as if in the flash of a camera, he saw an alien world surrounding him. Jagged bluffs and stormy seas. An ocean of stars above him, twin moons…. "T-two moons?"

 _Careful,_ the voice whispered in his ear, _you're starting to sound curious._

"Gardeners," he tensed, remembering the fights both before and after his return, "I'm…I'm fighting the Gardeners."

 _Are you?_ The sensation of a kiss lingered on his neck, _Or are you aiding the farmer?_ A very feminine body laid atop him suddenly, _Do you know why you fight, Shinji? Do you know whose cause you aid? Do you even know all of the players? Who is it you think I am? Who is it you think_ they _are? So many questions, and yet you focus on everything else. Why is that, I wonder._

His heart began to pound as images flashed through his mind. A giant being of purest white. A council of six, lit in various colors as they argued about the best way to murder the world. A world covered in LCL. The Earth, as seen from the surface of a grey ball of rock, covered in billions of crosses. Rei's hand buried in his chest, a sad smile on her face as luminous wings flare from her back. Images of the planet's past and his present, futures of a reality that ceased to be, all raking along his mind like so many shattered mirrors. Shinji tried to grab onto the woman laying atop him and met with nothing but his own flesh, "Stop!"

 _I'm not doing anything, Lord of Thunder. Maybe, instead, you should be asking_ her. _Maybe you should be asking yourself._

The pace of the hallucinations accelerated, two realities becoming four, then sixteen, then two-hundred-fifty-six, growing exponentially and all as distinct and valid in his mind as the one he knew to be his new home. He felt chaotic energy begin to pulse in his veins. Choices branching, fractally nesting themselves in an out of control spiral outwards until he could see everything and through everything, nothing. The swell of the tides, the song of daybreak, the peal of nature's hammer, all chasing themselves in tighter and tighter circles. There was no point in time he was unaware of, no moment too small to escape his vision, the grand becoming minute, the minor swelling to eternity.

" _STOP!_ "

+++++ 5th Angel + 1 : Saturday (30)

"He's not responding," Maya watched pensively as the tank drained slowly into a nearby reservoir, "the electrodes aren't even causing a muscle spasm." Shinji's gurgled screaming echoed oddly in the small room, the passionate terror on his face not yet breaking through his chemically induced stasis.

Hikari stared incredulously at the woman assisting Temple and Kaz in recovering her boyfriend, "You're electrocuting him?!"

"It's ok," Kodama held her sister tighter, hoping to prevent her from interceding in something she didn't understand. "The shock isn't enough to do more than prod him awake. It's part of how we woke him up before he fought the one before this one." She wanted to be involved, but knew that the practiced talent of the two Corpsmen before her far exceeded her own at the moment.

"I need to get a faster pump installed," Temple noted casually. "Kaz, once he's stable, hunt me down an engineer or two."

"Roger," Kaz held himself as a predator readying to attack. The big man clearly willing to shatter the case surrounding his patient, if needed, to render what aid he could. "Three seconds."

"Right," his supervisor agreed. "Two. Now."

Kaz gripped the base of the lid as the liquid drained below where it would spill out, eschewing the hydraulically assisted lifting mechanism and instead ripping the cover off whole. "Paladin," he wrapped the screaming young pilot in a big hug and hoisted him free of the remaining LCL, "wake up. You're safe, it's ok man!"

Scooping his feet, Temple coordinated moving him to the nearby bed, "New problem, he doesn't feel pain so we can't induce a trauma consciousness. Suffocate?"

"Wouldn't work," Kaz responded before Hikari could whimper any louder. "He's got the LCL in his lungs, we need to force expulsion first." Looking to the woman he knew already had the answer, he waited for his grade.

"Flip," they moved Shinji to his belly, "your move."

Winding up, the giant Corpsman smashed down on Shinji's back in the area closest to his lungs. A huge geyser of liquid sprayed out on the bed around him, and then another as Kaz repeated the feat, "He really should be waking up, boss. I don't care if he doesn't feel pain, he should feel eighteen and a half stone landing on him."

"Concur," Temple frowned as she checked the nearly healed scar on her patient's flank, puzzling through her memories for anything to try. "Flip him." Once they had him on his back, again, she turned to Hikari, "Talk to him."

Needing no further prompting, the young woman raced over and begged, speaking as loud as she dared over his pained screaming, "Shinji, please, wake up. It's ok. You're safe, you're not fighting anymore. We're here," taking his healthier hand, she squeezed it, "we're here, please…please, wake up!" She shook her head, turning to Kodama, "His hand is cold, it's like ice."

"Thermal shock," Kaz turned and bolted from the room, Kodama hot on his heels.

"Circulation is being interrupted," Temple twisted Hikari back towards her boyfriend. "Keep talking, girl. Give him a rabbit to chase."

" _I don't want him chasing rabbits!_ " Hikari's memory of her conversation with him the day they met bubbling to mind, "He has enough people trying to get him to do stupid, pointless, things just for a moment of his time!" Turning back to Shinji she gripped his hand tighter, "I just want you, Shinji. We can fight through your problems, your nightmares, your stupid father! _Just don't go where I can't follow you_!"

Maya's thoughts raced, hoping for a solution that might not fall under 'medical'. As Kaz and Kodama rushed back in with thermal packs and emergency blankets, she heard a squeak in the room outside, the noise triggering a chain reaction of ideas. _It's aurally scarring, but effective._ Moving quickly over to the bedside, she shifted Hikari gently further back from her target, placed her fingers in her mouth like her father had taught her, and unleashed the kind of whistle that he used to be heard across six farms. All at once, Shinji snapped awake with a cry of, " _STOP!_ " Temple sighed and shook her head while rubbing her ears, Kaz and Kodama stared blankly at her, and Hikari just blinked in amazement.

Shinji struggled briefly to acclimate to his new situation, being wrapped in blankets and rapid-warming chemical bags, instead of immersed in liquid. The realities he had seen, if indeed that was what they were, faded to a memory in the gentle lights of the hospital's room. Seeing Hikari looking at him, tears in her eyes, frightened him more than his being restrained and the others surrounding him combined. "What happened?"

"You had a night terror," Temple glared at Kodama. "Someone neglected to include that in your profile."

"I put it in the AAR for his last stay here!" The nurse shook her head, just as lost as Shinji, "It was before I was working here, so maybe they were discarded or shunted off to a part of his clinical notes that weren't updated properly."

"PTSD," Maya calmly soothed both Hikari and the man they both cared for. "The episodes are likely quite new, and nothing to be wound up over." Running one hand along the Class Rep's back, and the other along Shinji's hair, she sighed, "We just ejected him from a situation that he would have worked himself out of on his own."

"I…I wasn't," looking around again, Shinji noted that there were too many people present for him to talk about what he had just seen. If he had seen anything. _I need to talk about this, I need to tell them…._ He knew he'd be giving off his tells, the signals that anyone with social understanding could read like a book. Reaching up with his free hand, the still damaged left side that nobody willingly touched, he brushed the same side of his face, eliciting a barked command from Temple.

"Put your hand down, Paladin!" Watching him as he slowly complied, moving as if not to draw further attention from a dangerous animal, she sighed in frustration, "You're damaging yourself. Your inability to feel pain means you don't feel the harm, and I'd really rather not see you do that to yourself."

"Is it that bad?" Hikari looked to the part of his chest they discussed. It looked far better than it had, but still too similar to a pork roast gone horribly wrong for her comfort. "If…if nerve endings are damaged…."

"He's fine," Temple cut her off. "We're working on it, and I don't do half measures." Tipping her head back towards the tank, she motioned for Kaz to leave, "Go find someone to speed that contraption up." Patting Hikari on the back, she moved to leave as well, "Captain, If you would take charge of your man."

Waiting for the room to empty, Maya made certain the door had closed, "Ok." _I can do this._ "What was it you were about to say, before you realized who was in the room?" Crossing back to the bed, she looked between Hikari and Kodama, "We all need to understand, whoever he doesn't want here, leaves. No drama, no anger. If he can't discuss it in front of someone, that's that."

"What if that's you," Kodama raised her eyebrow.

"Then I leave," she answered with a level gaze. "I care for him just as much as you do, Kodama-san. I am just as invested in his health and well-being. And I _will_ fight for him if that's what it takes." Smiling wistfully, she looked back down to see Shinji watching her with his one good eye focused on her, the other a foggier steel compared to the sky blue of the right, "I hope that the color change isn't permanent, I kind of miss seeing the shaggy dog in your eyes."

Snorting a laugh, Shinji sighed, "Woof."

"He's…not that furry," Hikari blushed, having seen far more of him in the past week than she'd thought she would so quickly. She knew Kodama would start to get her dander up, and wanted to keep the tone friendly. Acting coy, despite feeling nothing of the sort, would distract her sister well enough. Whatever it was that Shinji was playing along with was part of him building a healthy relationship with Maya. _She's a good woman, intelligent, creative, and cute._ _Cute? Well…ok, I'm a little stressed right now. I'm not about to start flirting with her, I can think she's cute._

"No, no," Maya snickered at Shinji's joke. "Before the change…just after the Third Angel, he and I had a talk. He thanked me for what I did to help him in combat, even though I really didn't do that much."

"Yes, you did," Shinji interjected firmly. "Maya-san, you were there when I started all of this," _both times_ , "and you were the first person to talk to me. You tried to calm me down," his chest began to feel odd, "and I'm really warm right now." Hefting one of the plastic packages that were intended to rapidly increase a patient's temperature, he handed it to the former Lieutenant, "She said I reminded her of a big dog her family had, during the post-Impact madness." Looking tiredly down to Kodama, he handed another to Hikari, "Same eyes, she said. Same hair color."

"He never changed to silver," Maya threw away the packet. "And I owe both that wonderful pup, and this wonderful pup, my life." Accepting the next small bag, she lifted her chin, "So when I say that I care for him like you do, Kodama-san, I mean it."

"Just so long as you remember he belongs to the Horaki family," Kodama retorted bluntly.

"He belongs to himself," Hikari corrected her sister firmly. "He _chooses_ to be with who he will."

"Stop," Shinji quietly urged, flinging the blanket down so his chest could cool off. "Please…no fighting. J-just…no." Exposing his chest and upper torso cooled tempers better than his plea could, as everyone saw the true threat glowing brightly. "I don't want to see people I care about fighting. Not anymore." Reaching over to touch the marred flesh, he whispered, "Not after this."

"I agree," Hikari pulled his hand away gently. "We have better things to spend that energy on," calmly folding his much larger paw in both of her smaller, she reprimanded him with a look that spoke volumes.

"S-sorry," he grinned suddenly, realizing he felt like the other Damned must have felt when they were admonished by their wives, "…dear."

"Don't you start that," Hikari's mouth twisted as laughter and embarrassment battled for supremacy. "I am not like Mbau-san, and if you had any bad habits they'd be focused around being too giving, sir." Her cheeks glowed a gentle rose, knowing that her boyfriend was slowly learning to be more than just an apologizing provider. It was something to celebrate in the midst of tragedy after tragedy.

"Well then," Maya shared a look with Kodama that indicated the conversation would continue elsewhere, "do any of us need to leave, Shinji? I don't want someone to overhear something that you're not willing to share."

 _The walls have ears, Shinji_ , the calmer voice whispered urgently. _They hear much._

Shinji's smile froze as his eyes widened slightly, the realization that his father would be just the kind of man to put monitoring devices everywhere. _In the house?_ _He'd do it. He'd build an addition, just so he could have the workers spend more time than necessary to sneak listening devices throughout the one place I should feel safely private._ "That…bastard." His lip and cheek twitched as a rage built in him, "That absolute _bastard_."

"Shinji?" The fear in Hikari's voice pulled him back to center once more, "What's wrong?"

 _Tell Hikari? Trust her to…No. She might say something wrong. Need someone familiar with him,_ "Maya," he squeezed his hand slightly to signal his girlfriend that he needed it. Once she let go, though with great hesitation, he reached up and grabbed the lapel on Maya's uniform, pulling her down to where he could whisper under his breath into her ear, "Listening devices. In walls. In computers."

He felt her stiffen, then go slightly slack. Turning her face towards his, she kissed him gently, "Why, of course. You know, I think it might not be a bad idea to do just that." Turning to Kodama she looked rapidly between the tablet and Shinji, then tapped her ear as if she were scratching it, silently urging the woman to pick up on the concept. "But, you do know that if I leave you alone in here with Hikari-chan, I'm going against orders. So, if it's all right with you, we'll wait to have you two talk about what's going on until you can get home."

Kodama scowled, then went blank as she picked up on the message, "Yeah…yeah, I think that's best. It wouldn't be a good idea to have the medically qualified people leave until you're back in the tank. I mean, if we can't _hear_ what's being said, we also might not hear when something goes wrong."

Mouthing a 'thank you' to the elder Horaki, Shinji looked back to Hikari, "Maybe we can go for a walk. Go to a park, somewhere that's nice and quiet."

"Hikari-chan, why don't you come give me a hand," Maya could tell that the young woman wasn't following. "Kodama-san," she flicked her finger towards the tablet, "why don't you take his temperature, see if his core has risen enough that we can let him out of the blanket."

"Sounds great," Kodama urged Hikari to follow the woman as she shut down the device. "I'll give you the choice, Shinji," her smirk was playful, "orally, or otherwise?" Waiting for the pair to leave the room, she moved quickly to Shinji, pressing her lips to his hungrily. Folding her right hand back behind her back to avoid touching anything sensitive, she ran the fingers of her left hand through his hair as she whispered fervently, "I swear, Shinji, if you want release, affection, anything, you don't need to go outside of the house." Her eyes carried her desperation, "If you don't think Hikari's willing, come to me. Please, you don't have to leave."

 _Leave? I'm not going anywhere._ Shinji blinked, trying to adjust to the unexpected topic, "W-why w-"

"Please, baby," she begged him, "don't listen to her. I'll-"

Shinji forced out the question over her objections, " _Listen to who?_ "

"Later," Kodama heard movement approaching. "Just…I'll do anything you want, Shinji. Don't…just don't." With that, she pulled out a thermometer and shoved it in his mouth. Wiping her eyes, she affected a long-suffering air, "I swear," the door opened again, "you talk to a man about anything going near their butt and they turn into children."

Shinji gasped, "Kodama!"

"Mouth closed." Her eyes flicked to Hikari, who nodded subtly, "I'm just saying."

"We _do_ have surface thermometers," Maya stated wryly. "They're fairly accurate, these days."

Shinji curled inward mentally. Between the voices, the visions, the potential eavesdroppers, and now Kodama's fear-driven propositions, he had far too much to think about. He had to get better, there was too much that needed him, and he couldn't do it from a hospital bed. _Always too much to do._

+++++ 5th Angel + 1 : Saturday (30)

"The worst part," Shinji said with a grimace, "is the constant sensation of floating. Everything I do, I'm always _just_ barely aware of not being firmly seated." Lifting his arms to demonstrate, he winced as Hikari reflexively reached to stop him from moving his still-damaged left arm, "Sorry."

"No, no," the freckle-faced beauty shook her head. "I…I shouldn't coddle you. If you think it's ok to move it, then you know your body best." She tried to smile, "It looks…better?"

Looking down, Shinji shook his head, "It's not me."

Hikari tilted her head in confusion, "What do you mean?"

"Me, this body, we're two components, but we're not one person. Not yet." The images he saw raced through his mind, causing him to close his eyes and force them away, "I…I think I'll be better sooner than you'd believe. I just…need to not fight it."

 _He's dealing with trauma. It doesn't have to make sense, just let him process it._ "Like the changes in our life?" Her smile was hopeful, "Us getting closer, right?"

The unintentional parallel brought a grin to Shinji's face, "Y-yeah. Like the changes in our life."

"I don't regret this, Shinji." Shifting her chair closer, she laid her shoulder against the glass to be as close to him as she could, "You're…not normal. But neither am I. We'll just not be normal together." She warmed as his hand rested against the glass beneath hers, "You'll always be the better chef."

"You'll be the one who speaks for us," Shinji countered. "I tend to screw up talking to people. You always know just what to say."

"We'll play to our strengths." Looking across the room, where Kodama and Maya were working through a series of exercises designed to help the new nurse understand the field kit she'd carry everywhere, Hikari hummed thoughtfully, "Would it make you unhappy if Kodama lived with us in the future, when we move out into the world?"

"I…I guess not," Shinji hedged. "When you talk about moving out…?"

"I'm talking about when we get married," Hikari's smile was patient. "Nothing you say is going to change how I feel, Shinji. You're the only man for me. Your strength, your compassion, your gentle heart…you're everything that I've ever wanted."

"We'll…we'll see." _I can't condemn you to this, Hikari. Why can't I be strong enough to let you go?_

"You know," Hikari giggled, "I bet we _will_ see." Looking up into his eyes, love and affection rolling from her, her smile turned teasing, "My silly, silly Shinji."

+++++ 5th Angel + 2 : Sunday (31)

"They act as if their toy could defeat an Angel, let alone the greatest bio-engineering feat of all time," Ritsuko stood confidently before Gendo, placing the finishing touches on her strategy. "Instead of bothering with this skulking sabotage, we show them our invincible weapon in action." Leaning forward slightly, she used her own weapons to what effect she could, "Challenge them. When they fail miserably, it will be a message to the world that Gendo Ikari is the only means of protection against the Angels."

"What do you gain from this?" Gendo's fingers were tented before his mouth, she knew he was interested but wasn't convinced fully. "An indirect touch risks nothing, unless your skills are as weak as Captain Ibuki implies?"

"Captain Ibuki has no vision," Ritsuko snorted. "The ultimate goal, _your_ ultimate goal, is better served by being bold. Give the people their bread and circuses, show them their champion standing over a man-made foe, and none will dare interfere! Write the name 'Ikari' in blood across their memories, Commander. With the Third Child as the gentle warrior, and you as the stern leader, what politician would risk the fallout from denying us the funding we need? How much more can I accomplish with the right money? The particle beam project, the studies on the Third Child's metamorphosis, I gain a great deal by securing our cash flow for the foreseeable future."

His eyebrow raising spoke volumes. There was silence for a time, his judgment hanging behind the reflective surface of his glasses. "If this fails, you will not survive the day."

"It won't fail," _he never fails._

"If the clone is not awake by the time you leave, dispose of it." Considering the matter finished, he turned his chair towards a stack of folders on his desk, "We'll wake the third, when you get back."

+++++ 5th Angel + 2 : Sunday (31)

"Nii-san!" Nozomi bounced into the room ahead of Raffle and Vidar, climbing up onto Maya's lap as the newest Captain sat next to Hikari facing the recovering pilot. Vibrating with pleased excitement the youngest Horaki happily announced, "They finally let me in here!" Far more bright-eyed than the others in the room, she threw herself into her job of raising spirits and improving morale with gusto.

"I'm sorry, Nozomi-chan," Shinji dipped his head, the best he could accomplish while immersed in the tank of L-Nine. "It's my fault. I-"

"Am going to get my butt kicked when I step out of recovery if I keep blaming myself for winning," Kodama finished his sentence for him. "Sprout, you and me are going to have to tag team him if he keeps this up."

"Maya-san," the livewire little lady frowned up at the woman she sat upon, "is it because he's in that beer? Is he drunk? Nii-san is being very silly if he thinks he's to blame for being stabbed and burned."

"You know," Maya hammed up her agreement, "I think it might just be, Nozomi-chan. If he were sober and rational, he'd realize that he beat the big monster," tickling her occupant's side slightly, she prompted a giggle, "and saved the little princess, and that's not something to be sad about."

Vidar thumped the back of his giant fist against the glass in greeting, "Well fought, Paladin."

"Bah," Raffle wrapped Hikari's shoulders in a tight embrace from behind, resting her chin atop the younger woman's head, "I say any landing you walk away from is a good one. Wheels on the tarmac, enemy's in the dirt, the rest of it is so much pomp and circumstance."

"You should listen to your sempai, Shinji," Hikari laid her hands lightly atop Noelle's wrists. "They have good experiences to share with you, and only want to help you become a better pilot."

"So is it true," Nozomi pointed up at his shoulder, "you don't feel pain?"

"I…no," shaking his head slightly, he realized that the truth would spread to those that cared about him. It was inevitable. "When I changed," he gestured along his head with his right hand, "into this…I stopped feeling pain."

"But that's not true," tilting her head to the side so that it laid on her shoulder, she frowned, "because you still feel pain. You are worried about the blue lady. You were worried about the train lady. You worry about Sakura-chan. You hurt, nii-san. You just hurt inside, instead of outside. You feel pain differently, and sensei says that's true for everyone. I don't feel happy the way Hikari-nee-san feels happy. You just have to learn how you feel things."

 _That's an oversimplification._ Shinji tried to find a way to explain the situation better, without hurting her feelings or diminishing her in front of the others.

His delay, however, allowed Maya to intervene, "That's a very good point, Nozomi-chan. If Shinji didn't have any nerve connections, he wouldn't know that he was holding a cup, or grabbing a shirt, or anything that he has to do to get through the day. We just have to teach him to recognize the signals he receives as 'pain', instead of focusing on the fact that he doesn't feel it in the way you or I would."

"Yep," the little lady nodded. "And I know just the way," she raised her tiny fist, "I'll punch you in the arm every time you blame yourself for something that isn't your fault."

"I like it!" Raffle belted out a laugh, "What do you think, Vidar? New Group mascot?"

The big man's lip quirked upwards in a grin, nodding in approval of the idea.

Shinji settled back and was content to listen, the group around him understanding without saying a thing that he did far better as a passive participant than as an active one. Over the next few hours, the various speakers included him off and on; lightly offering him chances to interact as they could, pleased when he chose to, sympathetic when he did not choose to. Raffle introduced Vidar to the women in the room as the secondary pilot for the Eva Corps' transportation needs. Kodama discussed her training schedule with the Corpsmen, Hikari focused on her displeasure with the need to go back to school the next day for her and Nozomi.

It was when Maya was discussing the updates she was receiving on the reconstruction efforts for the few blocks of buildings damaged in the fighting, as well as the deconstruction efforts necessary to clean up the Angel's corpse, that his day took another shift away from the pleasant. "The material inside of the Angel really is fascinating, from a scientific perspective. It's not entirely carbon-based, which…." She looked to the door as it slid open, her gaze going hard and flat as she recognized the intruder, "Doctor Akagi."

"Captain," Ritsuko scarcely acknowledged her. Focusing solely on Shinji, she crossed over to where Vidar stood, the pilot instinctively drawing away from his place leaning on the tank. The room stayed silent, the intrusion nearly universally unwelcome. "I'm very sorry that I couldn't make it up to visit earlier, Shinji," speaking as if it were only the two of them present, she sighed morosely, "I've been working almost non-stop on finding out what's happened to Ayanami-chan. As you know, she's alive, but unconscious." Her eyes widened slightly, "Or…I hope you knew. Surely someone else would have shared that with you."

"I was told she was alive," the music was back, stronger than ever. The closer she stood, the louder the song became. "What…uhm, what can I do to help her?" The memory of her touch, of her pulling him against her, filled his nostrils with the acrid scent of nicotine smoke. Unwittingly, his heartrate increased as confused and confusing emotions toyed with his mind, "I-I don't…uhm, I don't know much about what caused her to collapse."

"Well, you see," leaning down, pretending to view something of the burns on his chest, she gave him an unhindered view down her blouse, "I actually have another project that I've been handed. A project I need your help with." Lifting her eyes back to him, she sighed, "As it happens, the Commander wants me to address a competitor to the Evangelion project."

 _Jet Alone,_ Shinji's eyes narrowed as he remembered Misato's exposure to the radioactive core of the gigantic mecha. _How much have I forgotten?! It isn't like this was seventy years ago!_ "What does he want me to do?"

"A challenge has been issued," Ritsuko left who challenged who to his imagination, "even after your successes against the Angels. Japan Heavy Chemical Industries believes that their robot, an unmanned, nuclear-powered disaster waiting to happen, can defeat the Angels without risking _children_ as they put it."

"Nuclear?" Maya gasped, "If something ruptures their containment armor, they'd spread radiation wherever they deployed it!" Quickly setting aside her distaste and distrust for the bottle-blonde, she turned to Shinji, "You would be fine, the Evas are not only hardened against the kinds of waves that a compromised nuclear reactor would emit, but your A. T. Field would buffer that further. The surrounding environment, though…."

Shinji shook his head, there was no rest for him, "When?" _It was soon, wasn't it? I went to school, we had 'parent teacher conferences', then the next day Misato was in uniform. If fighting this means she doesn't have to become exposed to radiation…._

"We will be attending a conference in Old Tokyo on Tuesday. Due to security for the event, it will be just the two of us." Ignoring the stacked sounds of protest from behind her, she continued on, "Unit-01 will be delivered by the freight line between Tokyo-3 and the testing grounds. There's still an old umbilical connected to the local power stations, from when we used the area to demonstrate Unit-00 to the Japanese government."

"He needs support staff," Maya calmly set Nozomi down, urging her towards Kodama. "C2 can't be done without appropriate communication equipment, which means engineers as well as myself and-"

"He'll be operating solo," Ritsuko interrupted smoothly. "It's what he's been doing so far, isn't it? Commander Ikari has authorized everything, Captain. If you have problems with the plan, I suggest you go to him."

"He's not fully healed," Kodama snapped. "You want him to go out and fight again when it's not an alien but a corporation doing something stupid? Can't you give him a week to get back on his feet before you start finding new ways to kill him?" Several more voices joined hers, it was obvious the room was opposed in general to the decision. Only Hikari sat there watching him, her fears obvious, but not engaging in the push and pull that had taken over.

"Stop!" Shinji forced himself to yell, to be heard over the din, "Just…stop." _If I don't do this, it's going to go rogue. It's going to threaten everything. It's going to threaten Misato._ "I'm fine. Remember, I don't feel pain."

"Shinji," his girlfriend stood, pulling free from Raffle and crossing to his tank, "I trust you to know yourself and your abilities better than anyone else." Ignoring Ritsuko for the moment, she placed her hand on the tank and tried to express without words what she felt for him. _I need to show him that I trust him. I need him to show everyone the kind of man that he is._ "I trust you to do the right thing."

 _Oh, he'll be doing something little girl._ "We'll be leaving tomorrow evening, staying there overnight. Depending on how long the presentation and challenge last, we might stay another night. Make sure that you get some rest, Shinji." _There won't be much to be had tomorrow._ Waving with an eager smile, Ritsuko turned and walked back out of the room ignoring the glared daggers she trailed behind her.

"I'm going to go do what I can." Maya looked to Kodama, "Do you remember the instructions for putting him to sleep?"

"Yes," Kodama nodded. "This is horseshit, Maya-san. I don't trust that woman at all."

"None of us do," Maya took Hikari's hand and pressed it to the tank, placing her own over the top of both. "We trust you, Shinji. Ok? I will do what I can, with all of the authority I have been given. But Hikari's right." Giving the younger woman a quick hug, she kissed her temple and let go of the tank, "You are a good man, who knows right from wrong. You won't do anything we would ask you not to do. Now I have to run. Get some sleep, hopefully you heal faster."

"Vidar, let's motor." Raffle walked over and knocked on the tank, "We're not without our own methods of addressing things we din like. Rules always have loopholes." Looking to her compatriot, who pressed his fist to the tank briefly and nodded once to Shinji in solidarity, she marched out of the room to act on her word.

"Nii-san," Nozomi latched onto Hikari's side and frowned, "I don't like that lady."

 _She's not the woman she should be,_ "I think she's just under a lot of stress, Nozomi-chan. Ritsuko-san isn't normally so…."

"Please don't lie to your sister," Kodama looked sternly at the man she loved. "Family tells the truth to family, even when it's inconvenient or impolite. Your little sister needs the truth, Shinji."

"She's changed, Kodama," Hikari hugged Nozomi close. "This isn't the woman I met, it's not the woman that Shinji introduced me to, it's not the woman that seemed to be eager to see him thrive despite his challenges. It's…not normal." _Exposure to the L-Nine changed Shinji. What if…._ "Nozomi, say goodbye to Shinji. We need to head home and start packing a bag for him to take. We don't want him to have to borrow clothes, do we?"

"Hai," she agreed sadly. "I'll make sure you have a snack too, nii-san. I know I need something when I'm in a train for too long."

"Thank you," Shinji closed his eyes as the comment on snacks struck a familiar nerve. "Hikari, would you please send a text to Yang-san? She asked to be kept appraised of how I'm doing, and I completely forgot to ask you to do it. I'm not being a good friend…to anyone."

"I handled it yesterday," Hikari's smile was soothing. _Another conversation for another time._ "You have your hands full, Shinji. Leave it to me to handle the social obligations, ok? Focus on sleep. I'll see you again before you leave." Looking at her elder sister, then subtly flicking her eyes down to Nozomi and shaking her head, she moved to the door and tried to steady her disquiet about the situation.

Once the door slid shut, leaving the eldest Horaki Sister and Third Child as alone as one could be in NERV, Kodama looked at him and scowled, "You're attracted to her." It wasn't an accusation, but it also wasn't far from becoming one.

 _Family tells the truth._ "I'm attracted to a lot of people, Kodama. It's like the world around me is suddenly full of all these beautiful women. But because I was unlucky enough to step on a _damn teacup_ …." Clenching his eyes shut and clamping his jaw closed, Shinji tried to force the sudden burst of anger back where it belonged. "I'm sorry." _She's going to leave. They're all going to leave, and you'll be all alone again._ "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." He sensed a shift in the pressure of the LCL, the chemicals to help him sleep moving about.

He barely heard Kodama's voice, "Do you love us, Shinji?"

"I…yes," he felt the beginning of the drug's effect. "Please don't leave me. I'm…I don't want to have all of these people around. They never would have noticed me if I had kept those cups in my hands. I'd just…just have Hikari. J-just all of you. Just my family. I'm sorry."

"Shinji…." When she sighed, he opened his eyes and saw her looking torn, "You need to ask yourself, and you need to be honest. Do you love us, or do you just love not being alone?" Her finger traced a lazy pattern on the glass, "Because if you love us, if you truly love us, you'll tell these other women to stay away. The strongest wall can be broken with unrelenting rain, and the women in your life are pouring down around you."

 _Ask her._ The darker voice urged him sternly, _Ask her the question._

"K-Kodama," he fought against the drugs, "why m-me?"

Her smile was the picture of beautiful sorrow, "Because it's better to have part of a great man, then all of someone that only cares about my tits." She tapped the glass, "Go to sleep, Shinji. When you wake up, we'll talk more about this…among other things."


	30. Chapter 30

+++++ 5th Angel + 2 : Sunday (31)

Kozo held up his hand as he caught sight of Maya's approach, "Stand down, Captain."

"Sir, you specifically ordered me to make certain that Pilot Ikari is safe and cared for. There is _nothing_ safe about leaving him alone with Ritsuko Akagi." Pointing in the direction of Shinji's medical lounge, she kept her voice as even as she could under the circumstances, "First she wants to keep him out of the L-Nine, and now this ridiculous plan to have him operate without any tactical support? Why don't we just beat him with tennis rackets every day if the point is to make him unwilling to ever be happy?!"

"While I laud your aims, Captain," _I seem to be saying that often these days,_ "the decision is out of my hands." Gesturing away from Gendo's cavernous office, he ushered her towards his own, "What I need from you, right now, is to work with me. Going into his office and letting him fire you is not going to do that." _I need people I trust with Shinji, and you're on a very short list._ "Please," opening his door he revealed that Misato was already inside chewing steel and spitting nails, "now that we're all here, let's begin."

Misato glowered in the direction of Gendo's office, then turned to look at Maya with a commiserating frown, "How is he?"

"Scared, angry, confused…physically he's looking a lot better, but I can't guarantee that he's coming back down from the battle," Maya moved to stand away from her ally-come-friend to allow the Professor to reach his desk. "Psychologically he's a wreck. He's being asked to work three jobs, he's absolutely terrified that he'll let someone down," once her supervisor reached his seat, she turned to face him, raising her voice, "and I want to know why Akagi is being allowed to take him away from the safety net we've been putting in place!"

"Because Gendo Ikari is still the Commander of this organization," Kozo kept his tone calm and soothing. He'd tasked them with the impossible, and they took their lumps and came back swinging. This was, in part, on him. "He hasn't taken me fully into his confidence regarding his motivations, however leaving this 'Jet Alone' project unopposed would weaken our already tenuous funding situation." Lacing his fingers together and resting his hands on his desk, he leaned forward to show that he did care, "By moving what money I did to help _Shinji_ ," he pushed the use of names to try and bring them into a more casual atmosphere, "I gave the Commander a reason to push for him to do more."

"The lead pilot status," Misato groaned. "We walked right into a trap."

"With the best of intentions," Kozo agreed quickly, seizing on the avenue to steer the conversation. "Shinji _deserves_ recognition, he deserves the responsibility so that he can build himself up from the dirt NERV allowed him to waste away in. But with that responsibility comes the risk that the Commander will demand more. We either shelter him by leaving him in obscurity…."

Misato looked to Maya, "Or we help him climb up from the ditch."

"You're serious?" The newest Captain looked between the two, "You're going to let her just take him alone and-"

"Maya-san," Kozo tilted his head and regarded her politely, "what specific danger do you foresee from her? I understand that Shinji is tired, and is not in the best of health, but your concern seems to move beyond that. I agree, Doctor Akagi has not been very charitable to you after your time working with her, but this doesn't strike me as personal on your end." _Give me_ something _to work with._

"She…." Maya swallowed, realizing that in a way she herself was just as guilty of wanting to seduce Shinji. _I know the right time and place for that, though! I'm interested in the both of them. Hikari isn't just some appendage to the relationship, she's a wonderful young woman that deserves better than what Ritsuko's doing. I'm not giving him a show while he recovers from being burnt alive!_ "She's…," she paused, taking a fortifying breath, "interested in him sexually, sir."

Misato snapped her head to face her counterpart, blinking rapidly in confusion, "What?!"

"That's quite the accusation," Kozo sat back slightly. _She's not one to pass rumors, and it matches with what Temple's said on the subject. Nothing in her record showed an inability to be trusted. The tape Kodama-chan asked me to review from his room also seemed…._ "Do you have proof? Something concrete?" _Please._

"Women's intuition," she huffed. "Every time she's in the same room with him, she's always preening, making eyes at him."

"Have you asked Shinji?" Misato was still uncertain, not out of loyalty to her one-time friend but because she would have hoped Shinji would bring that to her. To someone. _He's head-over-heels for Hikari, he wouldn't risk ruining that for anything._ "Maybe…maybe he thinks you're too close to him, wouldn't tell you. We should get him in to someone, sir. Someone we can set up confidentiality for."

"I've tried," the Sub-Commander sat back, still processing Maya's addition to the fears his niece raised. "I was emphatically denied. If there's even a hint of mental or emotional instability, the UN would pull him as a pilot without hesitation. After what happened with Unit-00, as much as I'd love to push the matter I believe he's better off alive and damaged, than dead and at peace."

"That's nonsense," Maya biliously claimed, "psychological counseling and intervention improve outcomes with combat personnel. You can add years, decades, to someone's service if you get them to a place where they can cope with their trauma!"

 _Service?_ Misato looked to her friend, "Been doing some reading?"

"I…feel very passionately that we should be providing better care to Shinji. My minor in psychology isn't very useful here at NERV, but it does help me know where to look for resources and methods we can use to help him. He's a child soldier, Misato. Like it or not, there's a lot of literature out there dealing with people in his situation, and we need to be tapping into it. We need an observer, someone outside of his chain of command that he doesn't feel like he's going to fail."

"I will bring your concerns up to the Commander, Maya-san." Kozo stood, "I promise I am not happy about this adventure either, but I need both of you to focus on finding paths for Shinji within the constraints placed upon him by his unhappy fate. If you find anything concrete, come to me right away. If you can, ask Shinji directly. He's strong. He won't disappoint us."

+++++ 5th Angel + 2 : Sunday (31)

"That's a hell of a story," Temple assisted Kodama in cleaning up the room. The Senior NCO unwilling to give up the simple tasks, both to show that there was no duty beneath anyone and to keep track of how others performed that duty without direct supervision. "Steps on a teacup, cuts his foot, wakes up looking like someone paid to create a perfect man." She nodded in satisfaction as she double-checked what her trainee had done, "For the record, I don't think for a minute he's the type to go searching for cheap thrills."

"Neither do I," Kodama hefted the sheets off of the bed, rolling them into a bundle and shoving them down into the hamper. "But I meant what I said to him, even the strongest man can have his will ground down by someone determined enough. It's the same way for women. We're none of us flawless, and there are people out there that can't respect relationship boundaries."

"Kind of ironic coming from you, isn't it?" She curled her lip up in amusement, remembering well the younger woman's statement from before, "Considering you're walking rather close to certain forests with a bow and plenty of arrows."

"That's…something I've talked to my sister about." The nurse refused to lie, refused to demean what she felt, "We both love him. He loves us. I'm not hiding it from Hikari-chan, and I'm not going to steal him away." Wiping everything down vigorously, she smiled at the possibility of a future where her sister and she shared a house with Shinji. Of thousands of mornings of playful banter, nights spent longing for him, long nights by his side.

"Doesn't quite sound like him, if I'm being honest," Temple handed her a new fitted sheet. "Playing with two women like that."

Kodama gave the woman a sideways glance, "Not everything has to be clean and simple." Tucking the corners around the mattress, she sighed, "You wouldn't understand."

"Might surprise you there," the older woman chuckled. "Nothing clean about my marriage, girl."

"You're married?" She finished making the bed, "Don't wear a ring to avoid losing it in an emergency?"

"Got it in one," Temple nodded firmly. Washing her hands down with sanitizer, she moved to begin checking the cabinets, "My husband's a good man, a lot like Paladin Ikari here, if he was the type to have the occasional bout of infidelity."

"Infidelity?" Kodama blinked, shocked, "You know he's cheating on you, but you stay with him?"

"There's a lot of history to it," flicking through the drawers and cabinets, she took mental notes on what was needed. "He and I have been through far too much to separate, but I lost interest in having sex with him, or anyone, decades ago." Tossing a few items into the trash that were close enough to expired that she refused to risk it, she shrugged, "He needs the touch of a body, I don't. He doesn't rub it in my face, and when I'm crying my eyes out because the memories are too much he's there to hold me until I'm done. He loves me far more than I deserve, and I love him more than I can say."

"That's…not clean," admitting that she hadn't anticipated the brutal honesty, Kodama gained a greater appreciation for the chief of the Corpsmen. "Do you think I'm being unfair? To them?"

"I think that's something you need to decide, Kodama," standing up, she turned and gave a purposefully neutral look to her junior. "If I were in Hikari's position, I wouldn't have a problem with Shinji finding what joy he could in life. But I'm not Hikari, and my Taka isn't Paladin Ikari. If whatever's going on works out well for all of you, then screw what everyone else thinks. But if he's the kind of man I think he is, I don't think Hikari's the one you need to worry about."

"I know. He's got his opinions on honor," gazing at the slumbering pilot, she sighed. "It's why I'm torn between jumping on him myself and pushing Hikari to do it. I really think the first woman to cross that line with him is going to be the winner."

Typing out the requisition forms, she asked, "So you'd rather have him all to yourself?"

"No, no," Kodama looked around the room once more, checking every detail. "I mean, someone outside of my house might convince him before we do."

"Like Captain Ibuki, or Doctor Akagi?" Temple smirked, "To be honest, I would have thought you might have competition from Captain Katsuragi, but she's really turned her life around this past month. She had a bit of a reputation building, whatever happened to change her mind really did a good job of it."

"So you see it too?" Ignoring the side-story of Misato, she pressed for affirmation, "Akagi wants to jump him?"

Temple's eyes snapped to the trainee, " _Doctor_ Akagi, girl. While you're in training with me, you'll mind your manners."

"Yes, ma'am," Kodama responded reflexively.

"Don't matter that she's been more than a bit off, she's still third in command here. But yes, I think she has an eye that's not healthy on Paladin Ikari. And I've passed that along to Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki. Woman's had something come loose, and so I hope for your sake that he's," she pointed to Shinji, "every bit the man I believe him to be."

The door slid open, admitting a very angry Maya Ibuki, "Ooooh…." Storming over to check that the external microphones had been muted on Shinji's cask, she stomped her foot and growled, "Dunderheaded idiots and their macho nonsense!" Frowning, she watched her patient without actually seeing him, "I can't do anything about it. The Commander himself authorized everything. Nobody but them, not even on-site staff to assist in set-up. We're supposed to make sure that everything is in place so he can activate and go, for 'PR purposes'."

"So he's going for certain," Kodama tried to keep herself calm. _Trust him. Hikari trusts him. It's not like you couldn't out-fuck Akagi anyway. It's just sex._ That one dark whisper made her blood run cold. _I've never_ done _anything. I'd rather he not with anyone but my sister and I either, thank you very much._

"Trust in him," Temple murmured from next to her. She raised her voice, "So it sounds like you have your work cut out for you, Captain. You can relax, Trainee Horaki and I have eyes on Paladin Ikari. I'll be staying here, since you'll be needed elsewhere. He won't be without, don't fret."

Shaking her head in disappointment, Maya sighed, "He needs rest. I'll…just tell them later." Turning to Kodama, she paused, "I'm sorry, Kodama-san. I tried to get them to see reason. I'll call Hikari-chan myself, let her know what happened." With a small chuckle, she shook her head again, "Maybe I can ask her over for dinner tomorrow. Commiserate over the crappy situation."

No one that knew Kodama could ever rightly accuse her of heartlessness, and while she worried that women around him were trying to take Shinji where she wouldn't be able to follow, she also knew that others may be experiencing similar emotions. "Why don't you come over to our place, instead," _we'll all have a talk._ "I'm not that bad a cook, and since Shinji won't be there, I won't have duty. You can join the pity party."

Maya considered her for a few seconds, then smiled gratefully, "Sounds great. I'll bring a dessert." _After all, if I might be loosely joining the family, I should try to have a better relationship with everyone in it._

+++++ 5th Angel + 3 : Monday (32)

An echo of the gentle whisper lightly caressed his mind, _It is morning, my lord. Are you prepared?_

"Wh-what?" Slowly becoming aware of the void around him, his conscious mind was once more surrounded by darkness, "Oh…not again." _Can't I just sleep? I don't want to start screaming again._

The hum of miniature brass bells sounding echoed around him, imitating laughter, _No, my lord. She is not here. It is only you and I. She has her attention elsewhere, content for now that you act as she believes you ought to._

He felt a feathery touch move along his chest, then down his burned arm, "Then…why…uhm, why is it still dark?"

 _It is as you prefer it, my lord._ Her voice seemed confused, _All here is as you wish it to be. It could be no other way._

The soothing warmth slowly radiated outwards from the touch, "But why would I want to be blind? Is it subconscious?" A sudden spike of intense pleasure caused his breath to catch, "Wh-what is…."

The whisper moved closer to his ear, it's touch focused on the area around his face and neck that had been burned, _I do not claim to be capable of understanding your mind, my lord, perhaps my mistress could. I am merely an echo, an imperfect replica._

The pleasure began to roll throughout him, a golden glow lighting his mind aflame, "What are you doing," his voice became breathy as it climbed towards ecstasy, "I…I feel…."

 _She's healing you, Shinji._ The true voice seemed amused, _As you cease your struggle against the changes that must come to pass, you gain greater access to the benefits afforded you. I understand it is somewhat traumatic to detach yourself from the world you know and are familiar with, but you will understand in time._

The smaller presence slowly withdrew, taking the joy with it. Speaking from a respectful distance, the healer's voice was anxious and hopeful, _Have I done well, my lord? Do you feel whole once more?_

 _You have done acceptably,_ the greater voice stated soothingly. _Should this be necessary again, perhaps linger for a time. He is not so cruel as those that came before him._ She seemed to sigh, _With luck, there will be none to come after._

"Y-you," _focus, you can control your stammer,_ "you're not the one who sent me back in time." Reaching up, he vaguely felt his shoulder, the flesh smooth and even. "That's the other one, the dark one."

 _Dark?_ The voice tested the word, _Yes, perhaps that would be accurate. And how would you describe me, Shinji?_

"Gentle," he moved his hand up to his face, glad that he could at least feel himself. "You aren't mean to me."

 _I have no need to be,_ she answered simply. _Our goals align, our purposes intertwined. She brought you back, I sent you forward. It is ever so, with us._

"Goals?" Timidly reaching out towards the voice, he wondered if he could touch other things now.

A soft hand slid around his, _Had you wished company, Shinji, you had but to ask. I did not touch you because I respect your personality. You seem to prefer solitude._ He felt the back of his hand settle against other indeterminate soft flesh, her fingers lightly caressing his palm, _You place great value on names. On knowing what to call that which you interact with._

"Doesn't everyone?" _How could you talk to someone if you didn't know what to call them?_

 _Those you came from might, we do not share your…view._ Her tone became amused, _I apologize, the irony amused me._

 _Maybe she'll know,_ "Why can't I see?" Reaching up with his free hand, he felt around his eyes, "I was told I choose to be blind, but I haven't chosen anything."

 _An astute statement,_ he felt her close his hand, then open it one finger at a time. _You haven't chosen_ anything _, Shinji._

"I need to choose to not be blind?" He sighed in frustration, "Ok, I choose to not be blind!" Seconds drifted past, stretching into a minute, then another, and still he could see nothing around him.

 _When is a choice ever so simply made?_ He heard her suppressing her bemusement from growing into full laughter.

 _When it's made by one of us, perhaps._ The darker presence made itself known, _Are you playing with something that doesn't belong to you?_

 _He belongs to himself, and none other._ His hand was suddenly held firmly, _Do not allow your arrogance to convince you that you will dictate my actions._

 _You did not find him, I did. You sacrificed nothing to bring him here, I have._ His hand went empty in an instant, _He fights against what must be, and until he no longer struggles he will be reminded of his place._

"I can't do what I don't understand!" Willing himself to stand, uncertain if he succeeded, he tried to turn to face the dark whisper, "I don't even understand what you are! I'm supposed to help, I'm supposed to fight, I'm supposed to do all of the random things you ask me to do, but you don't even tell me your name!" Waiting for a response, he slowly realized that he was losing sensation in his limbs. _I'm alone again._

The dark litany began again, _I'm always alone._

+++++ 5th Angel + 3 : Monday (32)

"…not. You're not, baby." The feel of a warm hand slowly stroking his face greeted him as he clawed his way to consciousness. "You're not alone, you're," his eyes fluttered open, "awake!"

His vision slowly focused in the shallow light of the room, the fixtures set to provide only enough for those professionals necessary to safely maneuver in the room. Once adjusted, he saw Kodama laying next to him, facing him and looking extremely relieved, "I'm…why aren't I in the tank?"

"Good afternoon to you too," her smirk was teasing. "It's nice to see you, thanks for taking care of me, I'm sorry that I've been muttering about being all alone in my sleep, I promise I didn't mean it." The eldest Horaki Sister was many things, but always clever. Her wit and charm were weapons, much like her sharp tongue and dogged determination to protect those she saw as 'hers' were shields.

"I-I…." Her smile grew, and he reminded himself that she wasn't Asuka. She wasn't mean, _she loves me._ "I'm sorry, Kodama. Thank you for taking care of me." Letting his eyes close once more, he took a deep breath, stretching his limbs from the tight ball he'd curled himself into, "It's…hard to explain." _Because my father is a paranoid asshole that refuses to allow anyone privacy_.

"How are you feeling," she lightly played her fingertips across his cheek, "the flesh is all healed up. All at once, several hours ago." Sliding off the bed, she helped him sit upright, "I won't say it wasn't creepy as all get out to watch it happen, but I'm…hmm…."

She leaned closer, looking him in the eyes, and Shinji did what he believed she wanted him to do. Meeting her halfway, he placed his hands on her shoulders and pulled her into a kiss. Lingering slightly longer, expecting that she would prefer to not be rushed, he sat back and looked at her in anticipation of either a witty comment or a potential lunging response as had happened the second time he greeted her like this.

He received neither, instead the newly credentialed nurse looked at him with a sad smile, "I love you, Shinji." Unable to hold his gaze, she looked down, "I shouldn't, but I do. We've discussed it, but I don't think you understand me when I say that _I love you_. So please, don't…don't leave." Standing, she kept her eyes on his lap, "Don't leave _us_ alone. We…you know we don't have nice things. We don't have a fancy house, or a nice car, or even much of a television. If it's material goods you want, you're probably going to have to buy them yourself. But what we do have is a lot of love, and we'll share it with you every day, Shinji. Please…stay."

 _Ears everywhere._ Looking around, Shinji realized that if he was going to say anything it would have to be whispered. He wanted to reassure Kodama, she was part of the reason his life was even minutely enjoyable, but he couldn't just up and say things that people around him would record. He might admit something that would get them in trouble, and he wouldn't risk that. Pushing himself off the bed, he wobbled slightly. The unexpected gravitational shift at no longer floating in a semi-liquid making his limbs overreact, "Whoa," colliding against Kodama, he managed to not topple her and used to his benefit his own slight bout of clumsiness. Wrapping his arms around her as if he needed her support to remain upright, he placed his mouth next to her hair, "Microphones in the walls."

"I know, I know," she played off his statement as part of the conversation. "I'm probably just going to have to get used to you going out to win battles. It's not like you have a choice on when you have to climb into your hundred-meter-tall death god and go slap aliens, monsters, and ratty-haired women who don't deserve the goodwill they receive from you around."

"Kodama," he stood to his full height, thankful that he didn't feel the urge to withdraw from her presence. "Something is wrong with her-"

His housemate smirked, "I could have told you that."

"-and she needs my help," he finished his statement. "There is nothing I wouldn't do for any of you, except perhaps give up on the people who need my help." Looking towards the door, he frowned, "I…can't really say more right now."

"You know," she toyed with his chest, "you make it incredibly hard to be angry with you." Looking up into his eyes as he turned from the door to face her with a pensive expression, she sighed, "Your eye didn't heal right. It's darker, now." Moving away from him, she walked over to the light switch, "Watch your eyes."

He followed instructions, thankful for her warning when the lights reached full illumination, "Please don't be angry, Kodama."

"I'm…not as nice as you are." He heard her voice shift over towards the cabinet, "Not as nice as Hikari is, either. It's probably for the best that you found her first." The sounds of her methodically searching brought his eyes open, "Knowing that you're not the kind of man to go searching for another woman is probably the only way I'm going to stop myself from pushing you back onto that bed right now."

"Y-you really shouldn't say things like that, Kodama," Shinji stepped back, bumping his legs into the object of discussion. "People would think-"

"People would be right," she turned, holding a small mirror. Striding confidently towards him, she pressed it into his grasp so that he could examine his own eye color, "I'm not sure how many more ways you're going to need me to say it, Shinji, but I love you. I love you every bit as much as Hikari, and I want to give everything I am to you." Patting his left cheek, she shifted slightly so that he could see her alongside his own reflection, "It's darker. It's not ugly, mind, it's just one more thing that makes you preternaturally irresistible."

The door opening drew his attention away from his inspection of the latest in the seemingly unending string of oddities in his life. "You're up," Maya announced as she preceded Hikari into the room, "I was worried that we weren't going to get to spend any time with you."

The dark whisper covered the last of his comrade's greeting, _The one known as Ayanami! You must go to her, now!_

Shinji blinked, the voice entering as abruptly as his girlfriend and good friend. "Rei-san," tossing the mirror back onto the bed, he hurried over to the short-haired Captain, not bothering to hide his anxiety and determination, "where is she?"

Maya frowned, confused by the sudden request, "Ayanami-chan is with _her_. I d-"

Pulling her roughly up so that he could whisper into her ear, he pressed the matter, "Something is wrong. She's in danger. Now, please!" Setting her back down and favoring her with a gaze of pure pleading, he squeezed her shoulders and hoped that she would understand his haste.

"Let's go," Hikari pulled on Maya, handing the bag she'd packed to her boyfriend. "It's very important that as Class Representatives we assure our fellow students that we're always there for them." Winking to Shinji, she led the way back out of the room, "We have limited time, and since Akagi-san is taking Shinji away the least she can do is let us see our friend before he has to leave."

As the small group moved through the Corpsmen's common area, Shinji took note of the lack of any other humans present. "Where'd everyone go? I don't know that I've seen it completely empty before." Holding down the button for the elevator, he cursed the delay in the doors opening and took the time to begin carefully searching his overnight bag for something to wear with the scrubs pants they'd put on him.

"Car accident nearby," Kodama was the first onto the elevator as it arrived. "They left me with you, figuring I could handle anything that happened after you healed magically. Not much need for even a nurse when the patient has the ability to fully regenerate from 'pork roast' status."

The doors slid shut after everyone was inside. Tugging on one of the shirts he'd found in his bag, Shinji smiled at his girlfriend, "Thanks."

"If you want to thank me, you can hurry back home," hopping up onto her toes she pressed her lips to his. "Safely, if I can be greedy about it." Stepping aside, she looked to Maya, "Where is she? Can he hurry ahead of us?" Time was clearly a factor in whatever was upsetting the man she loved, and Hikari was perfectly willing to accept that whatever worried him worried her.

"Clearances may be a factor," Maya grimaced. "What's wrong, Shinji? You don't think…." Her eyes widened, "No. That's a bridge too far, even for her."

 _Time runs short, Shinji._

"I can't explain," he shook his head fiercely. "Not here. Not now. We need to hurry."

"We'll slow you down," Kodama announced calmly as she took the bag from Shinji. "Pick up Maya-san and run. Hikari and I will find Misato-san." She speared the Captain with a glance, "Don't get any ideas."

The doors opened, and Shinji scooped up his slender passenger, blowing past his Section Two guards at a dead sprint. The urgency of the matter overriding his natural predisposition towards avoiding human contact, he kept his tone in tune with his feelings, "Guide me!"

Feeling as if she was no more of a burden to the pilot than the shirt he was wearing, despite the recent hospital stay, the surgeries, the burns… _He could rip me in half without breathing heavy,_ Maya gestured towards a shortcut, not trusting her voice at the moment. _He looks so gentle, so kind…. What have we done to you, Shinji? What are you becoming?_

The slow-to-open automatic doors forced him to spin, sliding through sideways to fit both his shoulders and his passenger, and completing the revolution as he came out the other side. Anyone unable to move out of his way found him more than capable of avoiding them as he barreled down the hallways and side passages, a growing sense of dread flowing throughout the facility that perhaps there was another attack imminent.

Wincing as he kicked a metal fire door open, Maya caught a glimpse of the devastated remains of the long horizontal handle as he ran down the interior stairs. _Is she a friend, or is he falling for her? Would he do this for anyone?_ Sending him down a new path once he reached the base of the winding stairs, she blushed, _Would he do this for_ me? _Hikari and I may just need to find a big enough bed for the three of us._ Spying their destination approaching she held up her fist, bringing him to a halt, "That door, third on the right."

Jogging the last few steps, which for most other people may as well have been a dead run, Shinji lightly deposited Maya on her feet, "It's not opening." He waved his hand around the proximity sensor, "Is it locked? Are you sure she's here?"

Swiping her badge, Maya found herself barred as well, "This is where she's always been taken, I don't know anywhere else she'd have been put." Flipping the scanner open to reveal the emergency keypad beneath, she typed in the MAGI override. A stubborn tone indicating the override was to be ignored. "What on Earth?"

 _Stop playing nice, you damn oaf!_ The dark whisper chastised him, _If she dies it won't_ matter _if this one knows your secrets. Get. The door. Open!_

 _How?!_ Shinji felt along the seam of the door, hoping that there might be something to grab hold of. _I know I'm strong, maybe I can just pull it open…._

"Sub-Commander," Maya had her phone out, "I'm on level sixteen, near the treatment facility for Pilot Ayanami. Has my security clearance been revoked? I'm being locked out of the area, and I wanted to help Shinji feel more sanguine about leaving the area for a time. He's worried about the potential for an Angel attack while he's gone, and he wants to give her a sense of his trust in her potential."

 _Stupid door,_ he found no purchase, the smooth metal unyielding and even. _Why are all the interior doors sliding here? What happens if there's a fire?_ Stepping back, he reassessed the scene. The door may as well have been one contiguous piece with the frame, the numerical lock and badge scanner flashed a gentle red, the walls were easily thick enough for explosives to be only a minor irritant. It was as if the entire facility laughed at his plight.

 _Ok. Listen to me,_ the dark whisper spoke without any of its typical condescension, relying on cold, urgent, rage instead, _you are not human, Shinji. You're thinking like one, and that's holding you back. You've been floating along this past month thinking that you're still 'Shinji Ikari, fourteen-year-old schoolboy'. You need to start thinking like Shinji Fucking Ikari, Lord of the Fucking Water, Fucking Daytime, and FUCKING THUNDER!_

His lip twitched as anger coursed through him, _You think I don't know that? You think that I'm unaware of how everything's gone wrong since you brought me here?_ He kicked the door, _I wanted another chance, not to be changed into some damn freak! You yanked me through time without any explanation of what you want. Unsatisfied with 'Shinji Ikari, schoolboy', you changed me into this…this Lord of whatever!_

 _I didn't change anything, you idiot._ The dark whisper sighed, _You don't know a thing about me or her. Stop blaming_ us _for choices_ you _made. You want to survive this? You need the half-breed on the other side of this door. If you have time to pout, you have time to act. Now choose, Shinji. Do you want to live? Do you want Hikari to live? If yes, think really hard about what the things stopping you are made of and used with, and_ choose.

"It's no good, Shinji," Maya's voice distracted him from his anger with the passenger in his mind. "The Sub-Commander says that the Commander has rescinded all access to this room for anyone but Senior Science Division members and himself."

 _What it's made of?_ "Maya," he looked over his shoulder to her, "what's this door made of?"

"Plasteel," she tilted her head, "why?"

"Plasteel?" Shaking his head, he moved on as he couldn't think of anything that knowledge would help with, "What about the thing that lets it move? Gears? Pistons?"

"Hydraulically-assisted counterweights." Maya blinked, "Shinji, I don't think you're going to get throu-"

"Hydraulic…water?" _Lord of Water, right?_

 _He's frustrated, humor him._ "It's a component, yes."

 _Choose. Choose. Choose._ Chanting the word to himself, he let his eyes travel along the path the door would take, trying to imagine how the device would operate. _The crank. The Spider Angel. When we turned the crank, the pistons inside the giant emergency hatch were…._ He trailed his finger along the door, then along the wall, _Here._ "Maya…." He turned, pulling her into a hug and whispering in her ear, "Please…what you see me do, _please_ don't tell anyone."

 _He's shaking._ "Shinji?"

"Please," he begged. "Please, just let me be right in trusting you."

 _You wanted an 'in', Maya Ibuki. Here it is, gifted on a silver platter._ She wrapped her arms around him, "I'll never knowingly betray you, Shinji. Do what you have to do." _It won't be much, even as strong as you might be you're not going to be able to pull open a door like this._

"Thank you," setting her back down, he turned and concentrated on the spot he believed the pistons should be. _I'm not human. I'm not normal. I'm a time-travelling one in one and three-quarters of a billion males mistake of a being, and I am_ not _going to let my weakness get everyone killed!_ Settling his hand against the wall, he closed his eyes and focused.

 _Think of the song, Shinji._ It was the gentle whisper, this time. _It's your Domain. The music of Water will call to you, if you just…let…go._

 _I'm not human._ His thoughts spiraled around that one unavoidable truth, _Humans don't run like me. They feel pain. They don't hear voices in their head. They don't wake up on…the Moon._ A lesson from Nozomi's presentation flickered through his mind, _'The presence of the Moon's gravity has an effect on the ocean tides'._ "It's all connected." A low hum began to play, waxing and waning as it swayed back and forth, just below his hearing. "The music," he tugged on the sound, grasping at the gossamer strands. With a shuddering click, the door slid open a few centimeters, enough to allow him to grab the edge. Lunging at his chance, Shinji slipped his fingers through the newly-created seam and pulled with a desperate strength that caused his joints to audibly strain, his muscles to pop and crackle.

Quickly overcoming her surprise at the door responding to nothing more than Shinji pressing his hand to the wall and muttering, "Careful," Maya stepped up underneath him, helping with what little strength she had, "you just…got healed…I don't…." Grunting with every breath, she prayed that what aid she gave would be enough, "So…heavy…."

 _The music, dumbass,_ the dark whisper hissed, _stop thinking with your muscles and start thinking with the music!_

 _Perhaps a combination of the two?_ The gentle whisper attempted to mediate, _Pull in time with the music, Shinji. Follow its rhythm, understand what it's saying to you and it will come to understand what you expect of it._

The hum grew in strength as he reached out to it. The song was curious, uncertain, as if it had heard a voice calling out from the depths of a cave that had no exit but the entrance it listened from. Shinji begged for it to help him, to allow him to open the door so that he could save his…save Rei. Whatever she was to him, it was clear that she was soon to die. He could not, _would_ not, allow that tragedy to pass without doing whatever he could to stop it. _Help…me…._ The enormity of the sound that washed over him in reply brought with it a sensation he had nearly forgotten existed.

Pain.

As if Unit-01 itself had grabbed his arms and pulled, Shinji felt the Song of Water respond to his pleas. The door slid to, ripped open violently by the combination of Shinji's efforts and the confused assistance of whatever spirit had chosen to lend him aid. "Hrrnggh," he swallowed the agony as best he could, not wanting to wait and risk further delay, "c-come on. We…hurry." He didn't dare pick Maya up to run down the long corridor, afraid that he'd drop her and foul things up even more than he had by showing her what he had.

"Shinji," Maya knew that he had injured himself, and was all-too aware that he had felt pain once more, "are you all right?"

"F-fine," he couldn't run as fast as he knew he should be able to, his legs seeming to argue with his mandates. "Rei-san…danger." _Please don't be late. Please, please, please don't be late._ Trotting down the hall, he reached another door, this one sliding open without any prompting.

Inside the cavernous room, Rei laid nude on a medical table. No sheet to cover her modesty, no pillow to cradle her skull, she looked for all the world as if she'd been abandoned to die alone and un-mourned. The table and a few other simple furnishings made up the entirety of what could be seen. A door on the opposite corner from the entrance, and a glazed over one-way window rounding out the chamber.

"Oh no," Maya dashed ahead of him, sensing that he couldn't move as briskly as he wanted to. Reaching the laconic beauty, she began to assess her vitals. A part of her stayed with Shinji as he moved on a new course to another section of the room, her pride in him and her esteem for him growing ten-fold as he ripped a curtain down and walked over holding it out with his head turned. "Thank you," as she covered her new patient over, she finished her count. "Her heartrate's slow, but steady. Whatever's wrong, it's-"

"None of your concern, Captain," Ritsuko announced from the adjoining doorway. "I'd ask how you got in here, but I don't honestly care. You can see yourself back out." As soon as he became aware of her presence, he heard the swell of music that accompanied her whenever he was near her. The hauntingly familiar tune pulling at him, offering delights that he had only recently begun to imagine possible.

 _Silence, Shinji._ The dark whisper was quieter, as if it were being smothered by a pillow, _You can learn far more by holding your tongue than you can by wagging it about ignorantly._

"Why isn't she connected to fluids?" Maya wasn't going to meekly walk away like she once might have, not anymore. "Or on an actual bed? Are you 'too busy' to do your job anymore, _Doctor_?"

"Shinji," the bottle-blonde smiled at him, a predatory gleam in her eyes, "if you had wanted to see Ayanami-chan so badly all you had to do was ask." Leaning against the doorframe, she kept her hands in the pockets of her lab coat, "I would have at least made sure that she was covered over."

 _Hold steady._

"Don't change the topic," Maya snapped. "She's not on a respirator, she's not cathetered, there's no diagnostic machinery here, what have you been doing? Answer me!"

With a bored roll of her eyes, she shifted slightly to look at the 'other woman', "Captain, you have neither the authority nor intelligence to demand anything from me. If you walk away now, I won't report this to the Commander. He's aware of everything I'm doing, and he will not be pleased with you interfering above your paygrade."

There was a discordance to the music in the room that tugged at Shinji's attention, a counter-point being played that feebly batted at the powerful tune radiating from the doctor before him. The listing notes lacked the crisp vigor he'd expect of the tune, seeming to be drunk or… _Rei?_

 _He's learning,_ the dark whisper chuckled.

 _She's stuck!_ Shinji suddenly remembered his own time trapped in the dream-state, _She's-_

 _Drugged, you idiot._ The voice reverted to its typical irritation, _I take back what I said about you learning._

"I can't leave with her like this," knowing that he couldn't accuse anyone of drugging Rei without explaining how he knew, Shinji tried the first tactic that came to his mind. "If an Angel attacked while we were gone," turning to face Ritsuko fully, he clenched his hands in worry, "she wouldn't be able to defend the city. Couldn't we try that treatment they gave me? It's…a little rough, but it might wake her up like it did me. Then she'd just be able to sleep it off until I get back."

"That was desperation, Shinji," Maya slid between him and Ritsuko, gently caressing his chest as she tried to keep Shinji from getting his hopes placed in the wrong bin. "It could have killed you."

"Captain," NERV's third in command stepped forward, angered that some upstart waif would dare touch what belonged to her, "you have five seconds to leave, or I _will_ have you arrested, tried, and dismissed from service. I have attempted to be polite, as Shinji seems to think of you as an _older sister_ , but you will not ignore me any longer."

"Go," Shinji looked down at Maya. _This isn't your fight. Don't risk everything you've earned because I dragged you into this._ "I-I'm sure Doc…Ritsuko," he changed his sentence as he saw the doctor's face harden, "won't mind if I stay and ask some questions."

"Shinji," Maya's face took on a fearful cast.

"I'm fine," _I'm anything but fine,_ he lied. It scared him beyond words, knowing what he knew. Ritsuko had changed, and those changes brought with them things he couldn't understand. _This is all my fault. I need to fix this._ "I couldn't be in danger, here. Right, Ritsuko?" He tried to put on his warmest smile, the one he gave her back in the cafeteria.

The smile had its intended effect, the bottle-blonde calming down rapidly, "The only danger you're in is for tearing down my curtain." She shook a chiding finger at him, "I'm going to have to ask you to help me fix that, Shinji."

"Go," he whispered under his breath. "Please." Patting her shoulder, he leaned down, "You're in danger. Get Misato." _Please, Maya. Trust me, trust your…._ Turning her firmly towards the exit, he huffed out one final, "Woof."

 _You…._ "I'll…be right outside," _Making more than a few calls._ Maya glared at Ritsuko, her anger flaring as the doctor's smile took on a victorious cast.

Once her opponent was out of the room, Ritsuko took her left hand from her pocket and spread her arms as she walked over to Shinji, wrapping him in a lingering embrace, "Oh, Shinji, I'm so sorry that you had to see Rei in that state." Her voice was too conciliatory, too smooth. "You see," turning him around to face his wingman, she pulled down the curtain to just above a very dangerous line as she worked her other hand down his back towards another, "I was transferring her from one tank to another. Unfortunately, any sheets or pillows we use would risk carrying potential contaminants. Sanitation during these treatments is far more important than any minor discomfort she might experience."

 _She doesn't smell like LCL. She doesn't even smell like disinfectant._ Shinji wished he could lie better, but knew his limitations. Instead choosing to use the fact that he was inordinately scared to sound concerned for Rei, "Could…uhm, could we try that treatment?" _Whatever's stopping her from waking up can't beat what stopped me from waking up._

"Are you so eager to see her?" Her hand worked in a small circle at the base of his spine, "Aren't you dating your little Light, _Paladin_?" Ritsuko's song began to trickle past his meager defenses, becoming a steady flow washing through the cracks in the wall.

"Sh-she's my w-wingman," he felt his shame rise as his body reacted to the music rolling off of the woman by him. _Stop it, you traitorous pervert!_ "I-I…uhm, I wouldn't be a good l-lead pilot if I didn't do everything I could."

"Oh?" Turning him once more so that he faced her, with the backs of his thighs against the table, Ritsuko laid herself against him, "Well, you see, I wouldn't be a good doctor if I risked my patient's safety on the whims of the Lead Pilot." Looking through her eyelashes, her lip curled as she took his hands and placed them at the small of her back, "Maybe, though, the two of us could reach something of an agreement."

 _You're not Ritsuko. The Ritsuko I remember would never do anything like this._ Shinji felt his flesh was betraying him, no longer willing to listen to his insistence that he not rise to her provocations. _'Don't leave us'._ "Wh-what…."

"Shh," reaching up, she laid a single finger across his lips, "it's simple. If I try what you want, you have to try what I want. Tit," her chest bulged upwards as she pressed herself against him, "for tat." Tracing the nail of her forefinger along his cheek, she smiled pleasantly, "It's only fair that you take a risk, if you ask me to take one, wouldn't you say?"

 _Help me._ Shinji called out to the two now silent passengers in the depths of his mind, _I don't know what to do!_ Silence greeted him, the space that he felt apportioned for them filled no longer. "What do you want me to do?" _Stall. I have to stall._

"You told me, once, that you saw beauty when you looked at me," she ran her fingers up under his shirt, "I can tell that you still think I'm beautiful." Returning her hand to its partner she began to knead his back, urging him to press against her in return, "What would you think about us sharing the executive cabin on the train?"

 _That music…hard to focus…._ "Wh-why? I'm s-sure you want privacy." The song wrapped itself around his mind, lulling him towards passive acceptance, "I…uhm, I wouldn't want to intrude."

"I want you to intrude, Shinji," Ritsuko's eyes glittered merrily. "You know so little about me, and you've not given me any real chances to get to know you."

 _So confused, so tired. Like listening to a lullaby._ "I shouldn't…uhm…shouldn't agree without…." A tiny trill from his pocket led to him dropping his head to blink in confusion, _I…didn't bring my phone._ Removing his hand from Ritsuko's back, earning a brief look of ire, he reached into his pocket and pulled out an unfamiliar phone. The trill repeated, and so he slid the small glowing circle on the viewscreen to the side to answer, "I'm sorry, this is Shinji Ikari an-"

"Shinji?" Misato's voice came through the phone, "I was calling for Maya-san. Why do you have her phone? Is she ok?"

"Misato-san," Shinji blinked, the fog lifting from his mind as he worked at the puzzle of how he ended up with Maya's cell, "I d-don't really know. She and I came down to see what was wrong with Rei-san, and-"

The Tactical Commander sighed, "Yeah, yeah, she called me. I guess it must have been from a wall phone, because she left a message saying that I needed to call back urgently. Can you put her on?"

"She's…uhm, she's not here." Shinji shrugged, unconsciously turning away from Ritsuko towards Rei, "Ritsuko-san didn't seem very happy with her being in her lab, and so I asked her to step out so she wouldn't distur-"

"Wait," her voice went flat, "you're in her lab, and Maya was kicked out?"

Looking down on Rei, realizing that the curtain had come further askew to reveal things he knew he ought not see, Shinji carefully pulled it back up to cover the pale beauty, "Rei's not doing so well, Misato-san. I wanted to see her, and I got the idea that maybe we could try the same treatment used on me before the Fourth Angel. I was…was…." _What was I doing?_ "Ritsuko-san is worried that the treatment is too risky. She wan-"

The bottle-blonde snatched the phone from his hand, "Captain, I believe that Shinji is still recovering from his recent trauma. He's looking very unsteady on his feet, and I think he'll be resting down here for a bit. If you would be so kind as to-" She paused, and Shinji watched her face work through a variety of emotional states. Confidence gave way to confusion, which ceded the floor to anger, then rage, and finally fury. "Is that what you think?"

"Well now," the voice of Kozo Fuyutsuki drew Shinji's attention away from the phone call and towards the doorway, "that doesn't strike me as very appropriate." Spying the elderly professor striding through the portal, followed by Maya, he felt an almost shameful relief at the timely arrival. "Pilot Ikari, Captain Ibuki said you requested a senior command staff member's presence to file a complaint regarding the treatment of your associate. I can see why."

"I believe this is yours," Ritsuko held the phone out blindly towards Maya, keeping her eyes trained on the Sub-Commander. "Kozo, I-"

"Doctor Akagi, _I_ _believe_ that now might not be the best time for you to choose to ignore propriety," he admonished her lightly. "Pilot Ikari, I am authorizing you to carry your comrade up to F-Twelve. The room there should be set up to begin a course of treatment similar to the one you yourself received recently."

Bulling over the end of his sentence, Ritsuko attempted to use volume where subtlety was failing, "I am her attending physician an-"

"And that is tenuous at the moment, Doctor," Kozo's voice stayed level. "Pilot Ikari was being very polite in keeping himself from more vociferously denouncing his own mistreatment, that he acted as he has here can only be considered unfailingly generous. Now," he looked to the young man, "I believe you will need help from Captain Ibuki to get Pilot Ayanami moving. That was your desire, was it not?"

"Y-yes," he nodded, his eyes flicking between Kozo and Maya.

The old professor raised an eyebrow, "Yes…?"

"Yes, sir," Shinji stood up straight, mentally berating himself for being rude.

"You are dismissed, Pilot. We will speak at a later time regarding future actions taken to assure proper dignity and care are afforded to your pilots. Thank you for continuing to justify our faith in your abilities." Looking down to his side, he murmured something to Maya, who moved to quickly hold the door open for Shinji.

"It'll be ok, Rei-san," Shinji whispered as he scooped the unconscious pilot up in a bridal carry. Using the curtain to avoid touching anything inappropriate, he kept his eyes trained on her face and not through the new gap in the material that displayed her surprisingly buoyant attributes. "We'll get you on your feet," he moved through the door smiling gratefully to Maya, "if my worthless body can survive the treatment, you have to be able to. You're stronger than I am. Stronger than I'll ever be."

Maya held her tongue as she moved past him to the other end of the hallway, pausing to adjust the curtain so that the bluenette was properly covered. Reaching the far door, she slipped outside and pushed a gurney into view, "Thought we might need one, so I stole it from the supply closet on this floor."

"Borrowed, or repurposed," Misato grinned at the look of confusion on Shinji's face as she pulled the sheet back for Rei. "We never steal things, Maya. Officers requisition. We leave theft to the enlisted." Helping him lay his burden down, she sighed, "Don't look so shocked, Shinji. We swore to protect you, even if it means lying to you from time to time."

"You…knew where I was," he set the albino down on the bed, then turned his back to allow the women to cover her over properly, "but you didn't come in."

"Thank you," Misato patted him on the shoulder, grateful that he was the kind of man he was. Working together with Maya, they quickly had the stricken pilot in the bed and under the far more comfortable sheets, "No. I needed Ritsuko to condemn herself. I dragged Kozo down here, you can turn around, and so I had to act like I wasn't aware of anything. Trusting you to be you, and tell us the unvarnished truth."

Shinji turned, seeing Rei covered properly, and frowned, "I didn't want to get Ritsuko-san in tr-"

"Stop defending her," Maya snapped. "Shinji, do you _want_ to flirt with her? Do you _want_ her to flirt with you?"

Shinji tried to find a way to explain without sharing everything he knew to be true, "She's…."

"Shinji," Misato walked over and wrapped her arm around his waist, "walk with me. Maya, push Rei." Once they were in motion, she tried to work around what she knew to be a fierce loyalty to the people he interacted with. _It's a part of his personality. It's just who and what he is. It's why we adore him, and it's not going to change._ "You don't like Ritsuko like that, right?"

"N-no," he knew he looked as guilty as he felt.

"I'm going to ask an honest question," she squeezed him reassuringly. "She's a real looker, and you find her attractive, yes or no?"

"I-I…."

"That's a yes, isn't it?" Watching for his slight nod, she laughed, "You're not wrong, Shinji. Ritsuko's got a very particular beauty about her, something that just draws your eye to her." She could feel the guilt radiating off him, "Shinji, there's nothing wrong with finding someone attractive. _I_ find _you_ attractive, did you know that?" His head snapped down to face her with shock and amazement. "You know what that means? Nothing." She rocked him slightly to the side, resetting the friendly tone, "Because you and I aren't meant to be like that. We're bad for each other, and I'm mature enough to realize that. I'm getting my life together, after you showed me in just _three days_ that I was a mess waiting to ruin lives."

"Y-you're not that bad," Shinji reflexively defended the woman he lived with, despite knowing the truth when he heard it.

"Don't lie to my face, pal," Misato laughed ruefully. "My apartment was horrifying. My diet atrocious. And worst of all, I acted like an overly-emotional teenager around someone coming out of a terribly abusive situation. Even if all of that weren't true, there's still the fact that I'm clingy as all get out, and you're so giving that if I asked you for a kiss right now you'd do it without thinking."

"Nothing wrong with being giving," Maya added quietly.

"Nope, not a thing wrong with it. But," she added with a finger raised, "people who are giving are easily taken advantage of. It's why we wouldn't be good for each other. I'd constantly be asking you to give more and more, and you'd cave to every demand I made. It'd be nothing but sex and bitterness, Shinji. You deserve better, and I…need to figure out what's wrong with me. Like Ritsuko does." Stopping at the elevator, she elbowed the button and pulled him over to Rei's side, "This, Shinji. This was a good thing you did. Whatever's wrong with the woman I once thought I knew, she needs limits set on her. We've given Fuyutsuki-san the evidence he wanted, and while it may not be enough to convince her to get her mind right, it's a start."

"But…the trip," Shinji looked over his shoulder at the opening doors, turning to walk in and help steer the bed into place. "I'm going to…when I…."

"You're stronger than that," Maya slid her slender frame onto the car alongside the man she was increasingly interested in, tapping the button to go up to where Rei would be treated. "Shinji, Misato-san would happily take you into a side room and break your pelvis. But you're not jumping at her, are you?"

"Hey now," Misato scowled, "I have a little more control than that, thank you."

"But you would," Maya retorted bluntly. "And he's not. That's what matters. How many women, Shinji, have you interacted with lately that you've excused the actions of because you want to think the best of people."

 _More than I know, that's for certain._ "It's…different, with her." Clenching and unclenching his fist rhythmically, he shook his head, "It's like she…she climbs into my mind. Like I stop thinking, I let…let her do things I wouldn't let anyone else do." Looking away from the two women before him, he lowered his voice, "It's like I-I can't say 'no'."

"We've talked about this, Shinji," Maya patted his chin until he looked back down at her. "You told Misato-san 'no', and I'm proud of you for that. You _can_ do it, it just may be harder with someone that's not willing to back off like Misato-san is."

"That's a good point," the violet-haired captain agreed quickly. "It's different when someone who has your best interests at heart asks for something, when you know that even if you say that you won't do something that they'll still be there for you." She smiled sadly when he looked over to her, "I'm really happy to know that you trust me like that, Shinji. So I need you to trust me now, the word 'no' is your best weapon. Don't let her put you in situations that you don't want to be in. Were you lying earlier when you said you don't like her like that?"

"N-no," Shinji shook his head quickly, looking shamefacedly at the ground. "She's…brilliant. Gorgeous. Capable. But she shouldn't be like she's acting. That's…that's not the woman I met," looking back to Maya, "it's not the woman that helped me learn," he turned to Misato, "the woman that got flustered when you made that joke in the cafeteria. Something's wrong with her, and I could never accept…enabling that. I-if being around me caused that, I'd never be happy knowing I was hurting her."

"This, Shinji," Maya unknowingly imitated Hikari and Kodama, "this is why we care about you so deeply, even with only knowing you a short time." Patting his chest over his heart, she smiled happily, "You think with this, and not with any other organs that may be begging you to be used."

"You're a good man, Shinji," Misato agreed. The elevator opened up on their floor, "Trust those instincts on your trip." Maneuvering the bed out of the elevator, she called back over her shoulder, "But for now, let's get Sleeping Beauty here back on her feet."


	31. Chapter 31

+++++ 5th Angel + 3 : Monday (32)

"I do not wish to be left alone with her," Rei laid with her arms exposed, the sheet pulled taut across her chest. Hikari sat on the bed, at the bluenette's request, holding her hand and gently rubbing her forearm. "I cannot explain further at this time." The treatment had gone well, the lack of deathly urgency allowing slightly more caution to be applied the second time the technique was attempted.

Misato frowned, running her finger across her cheek as she thought, "I wouldn't want to either, kiddo. I'm not sure what we can do, though. The Commander is still your guardian, and he doesn't seem as if he'd be keen on giving up that status."

Shinji sat near the foot of the bed, scowling as he thought through the millions of questions he had about the voices in his head, and which one was the 'her' that Rei might have been referencing when they spoke near the lockers. "Why though?"

The thought that he might still hold hope of receiving affection from the only living member of his family that Shinji knew of sparked Maya to wrap her arms around his shoulders, hugging him close, "He's not the kind of man that would give his own son up just to try and replace him, Shinji. I'm sure he has a reason he's so focused on Ayanami-chan."

Kodama pinched Maya's hand to force her away from him, frowning at the interloper as the eldest Horaki Sister crouched to massage Shinji's thigh.

Shinji shook his head, "No, I don't care about that." He looked over to Rei, meeting her eyes and sighing, "If he wanted a punching bag, he had me. He didn't send me away just to mistreat some new child. Rei-san shared with Hikari what she's been through, and if I could take her away from him I would."

Rei blushed lightly, a pale pink appearing on her cheeks, "I would…like that."

Hikari reached over and shifted a few stray hairs out of Rei's face, her empathy for the bluenette growing in leaps and bounds, "Then what, Shinji? You're puzzling towards something, let us help you."

Reaching up and tugging on his ear, he looked towards Maya, hoping that she picked up on the significance of the action, "It's…complicated." _Please understand me._ "I'm not entirely sure about the questions, so I'm not sure that the answers would make any sense." Patting Kodama's shoulder, he stood and worked around to Rei's side, "I mean, why would Ritsuko not want to try a treatment that we know works?" Rolling his hand, he encouraged others to start speaking as he looked meaningfully between the wall and Rei.

"Well, medically there are a number of concerns with any treatment," Kodama started out in a professorial tone. "What works well for someone your size might not for someone as diminutive as Ayanami-chan." When Shinji bent down towards Rei, she took up his motion and encouraged Maya to participate.

"That's true, diagnostically there are a number of criterion that we'd need to be aware of that we don't know for certain. So much of her records remain sealed to anyone but the Commander and Doctor Akagi." Maya shook her head, "It's not the best argument, but it does bring up several points we'd need to consider before passing judgement entirely."

While the two medically trained personnel loudly debated the finer points of diagnoses, dosages, and ethics, Shinji leaned down and apologetically whispered, "I'm sorry that I have to get this close to you, Rei-san. But there are probably microphones in the walls."

Reaching up and turning his head so she could whisper in return, she sounded content, "It is of no moment, I welcome your proximity. I have told you that you may do with or to me what you will, I trust you as I would trust myself."

Her eyes remained as alluring as they had ever been, but they seemed to contain something more than they once may have. "Th-thank you," he looked up at Hikari, who was cautiously watching the door and leaning away to lend as much privacy as she could without making it obvious that he and Rei were speaking to each other. "The voices."

"They are not what you believe them to be," Rei's murmur was firm. "Nor are they in the number you believe them to be. Though the voice that speaks to me, that tells me the truth of matters, she is one that also speaks to you. I know this now."

 _You would have known it too, if you weren't so eager to treat everything as sexual._ The dark whisper was clearly irritated, _Have you ever stopped to wonder why it is that she enthusiastically approached you? Do you really think that every woman you interact with wants one thing from you?_

"That is unfair to him," Rei whispered with a firm glare at the air above her. "He has been subjected to unwanted advances from a great many people. That he does not understand how to make sense of them is no different than my lack of awareness regarding appropriate social boundaries. Neither of us were educated in them by those charged with our care." Her eyes floated back to his, "We are not so different, and I welcome the lack of loneliness."

Shinji strangled his cry of surprise, "Y-you can hear her?"

 _Of course she can hear me, you idiot, she told you back in that torture chamber you call an educational facility. You think that she'd just randomly respond with something perfectly applic-_

"Enough," Rei whispered tightly. "I will not allow you to abuse him. He neither deserves nor encourages it."

"Door," Hikari coughed.

Shinji stood up straight as casually as a perpetually-overwound hyper-anxious teenager could, nearly toppling over backwards as he righted himself hastily. Bouncing off the wall, he caught himself on the small night table as Kozo walked into the room with an icy demeanor, "Sub-Commander, I…uhm, thank you, sir."

"Everyone not responsible for the Evangelions, or for piloting them, I need to ask you to step outside for a few moments." Taking in his self-identified nieces, he gave no inclination towards tolerating complaints, "The matters to be discussed preclude anyone other than them, and time is somewhat short."

"Ok, Uncle," Hikari squeezed Rei's hand and stood. "Let's go, Kodama." Giving a comforting smile to Shinji, she hurried from the room, her sister warily eyeing their uncle as she followed along.

Once the only people remaining were officers or pilots, Kozo closed his eyes and let his head droop slightly, "Pilot Ikari, I truly hope you have a reason for physically tearing open a security door. Something, anything, that I can use to defend your actions." He sighed, and looked at the son of his student with tired eyes, "The Commander is, to be blunt, livid."

"She was in danger," Maya was appalled that Shinji would be called to account for what had to have been a correct judgment call even in retrospect, "does it really matter _why_ he saved her?"

"Laws exist whether we find them convenient or not," Misato growled. "I presume that the Commander is simply reminding Pilot Ikari of that fact."

"Sub-Commander," Rei reached over and grasped Shinji's hand to silence what he had been about to say, "the Lead Pilot is embarrassed to discuss this issue. I request permission to explain in his stead." Shinji flinched at the unexpected contact, though he left his hand in her grip as she held firm.

"Permission granted," Kozo raised his eyebrow slightly. A note of wariness carrying through his tone.

"After discussions at our learning institution regarding the lack of appropriate analgesics during my recovery, as well as my descriptions of the expectations placed upon me to pilot regardless of my physical health, Lead Pilot Ikari was afraid that he would leave this station and there would be nobody to appropriately defend it. Based on nothing but that fear, he acted to guarantee my safety. When the door to the lab was locked to someone with Captain Ibuki's clearance, he assumed that I had been left unattended and took action. I might prove unable to pilot, and he would argue to stay until such a time as I could, or I might have been receiving inappropriate care, as he had." Rei looked up at Shinji, "It is my understanding that such emotionally-driven actions are considered unseemly for males to engage in, leading to his embarrassment."

"Is this true?" Kozo looked to Shinji, "Please be honest."

"I…I couldn't get the thought out of my head," Shinji knew he was skirting the truth with the change from voices to thoughts, but it was what he could think of to make sense. "She was in danger, sir." Straightening his shoulders, he shook his head, "I wasn't able to save her when the Fifth Angel attacked. I wasn't able to protect her from whatever happened during the Third Angel to cause her to be in casts for weeks. If…if I'm being honest, I don't trust that she's being treated properly. She hasn't been given proper medical care, nobody's even taught her how to do something as simple as choosing the right body wash. As the Lead Pilot, and as the assistant to her Class Representative, it's my duty and obligation to do whatever I can, isn't it?"

The professor seemed to weigh him, assessing the statement against things only he might have been aware of. The silence dragged on, uncomfortably so, and only after he nodded once did he speak, "I will pass along your criticism, Pilot. Do you have any recommendations as to how to improve your comrade's situation to a level you might feel acceptable?"

"I…." Images of her apartment, of the squalor she had lived in, passed through his mind, "I would ask that Captain Katsuragi be given custody of her." Misato squeaked in shock. "While there were some problems during my stay with her, I honestly believe that a feminine influence is what is missing to help Pilot Ayanami thrive. I would move her in with me…with the Horaki family, but the house is crowded as it is. I don't doubt that Captain Katsuragi wants, and deserves, another chance to succeed in helping us pilots be better."

"Interesting," Kozo pursed his lips in thought.

 _Be bold,_ the gentle whisper urged him. _You're doing great!_

"I would also ask that Captain Ibuki be given responsibility for her medical care," Shinji wanted to collapse. He was asking for the moon, he knew that his father would balk at even something as small as moving Rei to an apartment that wasn't a run-down, rat-infested, hoboville. "I don't believe that Doctor Akagi has enough time in the day to perform her duties with the Science Division and provide the care that the Pilots need. I have Kodama-san, and she advocates well for me. When I was laying with burns and that stab wound, she didn't stop until Captain Ibuki and Temple-san went down to demand I have access to the L-Nine. Pilot Ayanami needs someone to be that…for her." Unable to avoid swallowing, his anxiety making his nerve-endings scream at him, he waited to be told to shut up and get in line.

"Captain," Kozo looked over to Misato, "would you be amenable to the arrangement?"

"I…sure," she shrugged. "If that's what would be best for Ayanami-chan. I still have that spare bedroom."

"Captain," he shifted to consider Maya, "do you believe your duties would allow you to act as a stand-in during those times that Pilot Ayanami requires medical treatment?"

"Absolutely," Maya nodded enthusiastically, "I think it would be a terrific opportunity to get to know her better. I know she needs a lot of help managing her condition, but I'm already familiar with some of the peripheral matters, it wouldn't be too much for me to stump for her. I think Pilot Ikari has the right of it all, and I'm willing to do whatever I can to support both him and Pilot Ayanami."

"Fear?" He looked back to Shinji, shifting the topic once more to the reason he came, "To be honest, I'm rather surprised. You don't seem to show a great deal of it when battling the Angels."

"He's not afraid of fighting, sir," Maya moved to flank Rei on the other side of the bed from Shinji. "He's afraid of failing us. He's terrified that he's going to fail, and all of us will die because of that failure. He's being asked to go out to do this…mockery of gladiatorial combat, and that would have left nobody here to mind the farm. Imagine the fear that would build in him, knowing that the only person able to defend us while he was gone might be being murdered."

Misato stood and gripped Shinji's shoulder, facing Kozo, "We've put a lot of weight on him, sir. He's handled it all, but I told you that if we weren't careful he'd start to see threats everywhere. Letting Doctor Akagi do what she's done, it's just reinforcing the message that he can't trust anyone here with doing the right thing. We've got a long way to go to earn his trust back, or we're just going to have more episodes like this." She looked back up to her ward, "The appearance of impropriety can be just as damaging as actual impropriety."

"Leadership one-oh-one," Kozo snorted. "I'll do what I can, son." He shook his head, smirking, "Fear. You know, I can admire that. That you would use your fear to motivate yourself to try and save others, rather than to allow it to overwhelm you and condemn us all. You're a better man than most, Shinji. If you are to be punished, I'll ask that it be taken into account that you weren't acting flagrantly reckless."

 _Dad wants to drive me insane, and Rei was to help me die._ "I won't let fear drive me to kill everyone, sir." Shinji clenched Rei's hand tightly, "I don't care what it takes, I'll keep everyone safe."

"And I will support him," Rei quietly announced. "He saved me from having to fight while injured, then saved me when Unit-00 went insane. Whatever I can do to help him, Sub-Commander, I will do it." Her eyes flashed briefly, a sight that only Shinji witnessed. "I would like to begin coordination exercises with him as soon as practicable."

"A good idea," Kozo's voice became abstracted. "I should go," he looked back up to Shinji, "you don't have much longer before you'll have to leave, and I'd hate for my nieces to become angry that I'm stopping them from properly seeing you off."

"Thank you, sir," Misato pushed Shinji into a bow with her. "For hearing us out."

Waving over his shoulder as he departed, Kozo held the door for Hikari and Kodama. The pair entering quietly after a brief smile and nod at the man they trusted only slightly less than their own father, or Shinji. It took a few moments for the room to settle back into the various seats they had chosen. Shinji knew that the room would be expected to return to a different topic of conversation now, not only owing to the need to cover over what was ostensibly classified, but also because he would in fact soon be departing.

Rei spoke up as Hikari sat back down, "Are you well, Hikari-san?" She looked down at their once-more joined hands, "You were applying pressure to your skull as you returned."

"Oh, it's just a headache, Rei-san," Hikari patted her arm. "A lot of stress, and not a lot of good sleep lately."

"I'm sorry," Shinji knew he had added to her worries. _I shouldn't stay with you. I'm just going to keep making things worse for everyone around me._

"As am I," Rei followed on. "Our duties have forced complications on your own duties as Class Representative, and your place as Shinji-san's paramour. I will strive to reduce the level of stress we force upon you."

"Now there's two of them," Kodama sighed. "I swear, it's like one of the prerequisites for being a pilot is being both self-effacing and blaming yourself for everything."

Misato laughed good-naturedly, slapping Shinji on the calf, "If that's the worst thing we have to deal with, with these two, then I think we'll have been incredibly lucky."

The conversation drifted around less important topics for the next hour or so, everyone wordlessly agreeing that Shinji shouldn't be exposed to too much more negativity before he had to leave. It was patently obvious to everyone in the room, except Shinji himself, that he was dreading the forthcoming event. Once the time arrived that he was expected to leave, he looked down to the floor and admitted what everyone already knew, "I'm scared."

Hikari was at a loss for what to say in response. She knew that Shinji was attracted to any number of women, and felt that he might well be better off with someone else. The nagging itch that she wasn't the right person for him was becoming difficult to ignore. But she also knew that she could trust him that he wasn't interested in Ritsuko in that manner. He'd reassured her, and everyone that would listen, that he belonged to the Horaki household. His fear wasn't just for himself, it was for her, and that was at once painful and wonderful to know.

Kodama wanted to tell him not to go, the visions and dreams having shown clearly a future where he was driven to suicide, alone and unloved because people like Akagi failed him or reviled him. But she'd promised Hikari that she wouldn't make a scene, that she wouldn't make demands that he couldn't meet.

Misato wanted to tell him to be strong, but she felt it wasn't her place to. A part of her was annoyed that both Hikari and Kodama remained silent, expecting one of the two women he lived with to step up and give him their strength.

Maya was furious. She knew Ritsuko was rigging things in her favor, and unlike the silly anime and manga she'd grown up with, this wasn't some harmless misadventure. Shinji was in very real danger of being seduced into something he was clearly both unwilling and unwanting to be a part of. The captain knew if she spoke, she'd just scare him further, because he was right to be afraid.

It was Rei that took action, having seen the stasis gripping the rest of the room. Tugging her hand free from Hikari's grip, she pulled Shinji down by his collar and whispered into his ear, "Trust the Song of Thunder, Shinji-san. Listen for it, like you did the Song of Water." Letting him go, she reached back and took Hikari's hand, bringing it to his cheek, "You have all that you need to win, Shinji-san. Trust yourself. You are stronger than you know."

Hikari felt Rei's touch warm her, a sudden joining of spirits with the pale pilot. She could feel Shinji's heart calm, and decided to make a slight deviation from her original plan, "She's right. I know you'll always come back to me, Shinji. You're too stubborn to give up on the people that need you…and I need you. _We_ need you." Raking her fingers through Rei's hair in gratitude, she smiled sweetly, "Who else would put up with the mean old Class Rep?"

 _I need to tell them._ Shinji nodded. He wouldn't let anything happen before he had a chance to set the record straight. If Rei believed in him, and she clearly knew more than Hikari could, then maybe he could overcome whatever strangeness Ritsuko stirred in him.

He could try his best, if nothing else.

+++++ 5th Angel + 3 : Monday (32)

"Ok, you," Maya was chosen to walk him to the train. Misato had a few issues she wanted to handle on her end, and Kodama finally relented after Hikari took her aside and whispered angrily at her sister. Rei wished him well, calm confidence radiating from her as she waved him off. Standing at the platform, Maya took his shirt in her hands and forced him to face her, "No matter what. If you aren't comfortable with doing it, don't do it."

"I-I'll try," he didn't want to lie. He knew that he was prone to doing things just to make people happy, and having experienced the music from Ritsuko twice now he knew that it was far more powerful than anything he'd yet experienced. "It's…hard."

"Life is never easy for people like us, Shinji," Maya shook her head with a small smile on her lips. "You remember how you were worried everyone would think you were a girl?"

"Y-yeah," he nodded. The conversation just after his change was easily recalled.

"Imagine how many people thought I was a boy." She gave him a wry look, "I mean, be honest. I'm not generously endowed, I keep my hair in a boyish cut because I don't have time to care for longer hair, and I'm a wide-ranging tech-geek. If my voice were a little deeper, I'd completely pass for your older brother."

"N-no," Shinji blinked, stunned that she'd thought that of herself. "You're…no." Shaking off his stammer, he lightly gripped her shoulder, "You're very feminine. You care about how people feel, not just that they aren't in pain but that they're not suffering. You work hard to make sure that everyone around you is cared for, and you want people to not fight if they can help it. A-and…." _Honesty._ "I-I…well, I'm attracted to you. L-like…." Closing his eyes, he swallowed his stammer again, "Like Misato said. There's nothing wrong with admitting it. I think you're good-looking. Someday, you'll find someone you find attractive, and…and I'll have to make sure they're a good person. Because I'm your pup, right?" He smiled with as much warmth as he could muster, "It's my job to protect you."

 _If she hurts you, I'll kill her._ "I may already have found someone, Shinji," Spying Ritsuko approaching, she popped up on her toes and pulled him down into a kiss. Thrilling at what she hoped was the first of many 'serious' kisses, she counted to five and dropped back down to smile up at him winningly, "For luck." Toying with his shirt, she wiggled, slightly giddy, "You have our support, Shinji. No matter how far away you are from home, Hikari and I will always be there to hold your hand. We all will," she amended. Stepping to the side, she let the pleasure she'd gained from the kiss radiate from her, taunting the bottle-blonde, "Doctor. Enjoy your business trip." Turning to walk away, she refused to give the woman what she wanted. She wouldn't fight in front of Shinji, letting him see her be the bigger woman, "Be careful Shinji, we have that date planned when you get back. Hikari's looking forward to cooking with us."

"B-bye," Shinji stared, once more dumbfounded. _Is…is Maya interested in me?!_

"How sweet," he felt Ritsuko work her way under his arm, "your _sister_ saw you off at the platform." She spoke just loud enough to be certain the 'other woman' heard what was said, confident that she had when she saw Maya's back stiffen slightly.

"Y-yeah," he looked down to try and make eye contact with the scientist, catching sight of Ritsuko's deep cut blouse offering an unobstructed view. Snapping his head back up to look at the train, he blushed, "Sh-she probably just thinks of me as her baby brother." _She wouldn't be interested in me like that. Ritsuko-san says she's interested in Hikari. She's a…she likes girls. It's like the dark voice said, not every woman is interested in me. I'm just…I'm being a pig. The people around me, now, are just very demonstrative with their affection._

"So," walking him forward, she kept her arm tight enough around his middle to guide him but loose enough that she could run her hand along his shirt, "I was thinking that since we have a long ride ahead of us, you could make us something nice to eat." Once they crossed the threshold onto the main passenger car, she worked him into the executive cabin as she spoke, "The car is nice and stable, and it will take us some time to get there."

The music began to play in his mind, a slow thrumming sound, "I…uhm, sure. I should…." Looking at the door, he tried to determine what the Song of Thunder would even entail. The water from the hydraulics at least made sense. There weren't any storm cells nearby that he saw. "I should put my bag in my cabin, shouldn't I?"

"Silly man," Ritsuko took his backpack easily, "you're staying in here. This cabin is far too big for a single person, and I'd be lonely without someone to keep me company. Wouldn't you?" Tossing his bag next to hers on the bed, she turned on her toes and shrugged, "We could have shared a vehicle and made the trip in a couple of hours, of course, but we have to travel with Unit-01. Just in case."

 _I guess that makes sense,_ He looked around, spying a nearby couch. _I'll just sleep on the couch. I've slept on far worse_.

Walking over towards him, Ritsuko slid her hands into her pockets, "So, shall we-" She fell forward as the train started moving, reacting to the command she entered from her phone.

Shinji lunged forward, his improved balance compensating easily for the unexpected motion. Catching her with one hand on her waist and the other on her shoulder, he steadied her as gently as he could, "Are you all right?!" Feeling her shaking, and confusing lust with fear, he lowered his voice, "That was startling, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have raised my voice."

"No, no," shifting forward, as if she needed comforting, she pressed herself against him. "I just…I wasn't ready for the train. Thank you," looking up at him, she shone with gratitude, "it would have been unfortunate to go into this conference with a massive bruise on my face. People might have come to a bad conclusion about NERV." She rolled her eyes, "They may have thought you hit me. People can jump to conclusions so easily these days."

"I-I wouldn't," Shinji balked at the thought.

"Of course not, Shinji," Ritsuko cupped his cheek. "I know you'd never do anything that would hurt me. It's everyone else, isn't it?" Running her nails across his jaw, she frowned, "They're all filling your head with nonsense. Telling you that what you feel is wrong, or that you shouldn't listen to your body." She sighed heavily, "It's all drivel, Shinji. If you feel something when you hold someone, that's not 'nothing'. It's not healthy to ignore it."

The music pressed in around him, "B-but…."

"Let's cook and talk," trailing her fingers down his neck, she grinned. "A little food, a little wine," wrinkling her nose playfully she pulled him over towards the kitchen, "you can tell me what you feel Shinji, and I'll tell you what I feel."

Reaching the food preparation area, Shinji found it to be fully stocked. As Ritsuko moved around the room, performing various tasks, he focused on coming up with a meal plan. A bar split the area off from the main cabin, providing him some small distance between himself and the song his cabin-mate generated. Too busy with finding what he needed to make something that would be both healthy and low-mess, he missed Ritsuko taking off her lab coat, "I think I have everything I need to make a…." Trailing off as he finally saw the daringly cut blouse unobstructed on the well-proportioned doctor, he swallowed, "Chicken and apple salad."

"Sounds fantastic," Leaning forward, resting her chin on her palm so that her breasts hovered just above the rim of the bar, she grinned, "I haven't had a fresh salad in forever." She affected a long-suffering air, "It's always so difficult to get out of the lab, you know?"

"Y-you should…take care of yourself," turning away with a blush, he began to work the refrigerated chicken breasts into strips. "Not…not that you don't look good, y-" He realized what he had just admitted, and turned around, "I-I'm sorry, that's-"

"Very sweet," the look of joy on her face forced him to pause. "Do you really think I look good, Shinji? I'm over thirty, you know. Kind of a Christmas Cake now, have been for a while."

"Christmas…No," he shook his head, "I-I don't believe that at all. I'm sure that you'll find someone who can appreciate what you offer, Ritsuko." Turning back to his work, he cursed his inability to stop himself from saying what he thought. "A man, or woman, you know…someone…someone who'll understand your brilliance, who'll get your sense of humor. Someone who'll see past the beautiful woman to the person inside."

"You understand," she giggled. "You know, it's a rare man that appreciates how important it is to have a partner that's more than just a perky set of tits bouncing around." Her voice became smoky, "Though I guess you would, seeing as Hikari-chan isn't quite as large as some of the girls at your school."

"Th-that's not…not important," oiling the pan up, he began to grill the strips of meat. "I…uhm, I haven't seen her…there."

"Oh?" He heard a bottle decanting, "I can't say I'm shocked. She doesn't seem the type to be forward. Are you comfortable with that life, Shinji? With never having physical affection beyond holding hands?"

He turned around, struggling with his desire to be honest against his desire to not give his girlfriend a reputation. The glass being offered to him, half full of a white wine, derailed his train of thought, "O-oh, thank you." He politely took the fluted drink, not wanting to be rude.

"There's so much to the world, Shinji," she flicked her finger up, indicating that he should take a sip. Once he had, she followed with her own, "And you've seen so little of it. It's a shame that your entire life experience is wrapped up in one city, one country, one girl." Stretching languidly, she smiled pityingly, "How much out there have you been denied? How much are you denying yourself?"

Turning away, again, from the near-indecorous display of flesh, he worked the strips of chicken around in the pan, "I-I don't know that I'm missing anything, Ritsuko. I'm…simple. Simple music, simple food, simple relationships." Suddenly more thirsty, he took another longer drink of wine, "I mess up complicated things, I make mistakes that hurt others."

"Maybe you need someone to guide you," the music began to swell in his ears. "Someone who's seen what the world has to offer, someone willing to share that experience with you."

The oil popping in the pan sounded wrong, and after a second Shinji noticed that what he had thought was the pan was instead the window. "It's raining," he murmured.

"Mmm?" Ritsuko followed his eyes, "So it is."

Bidden by a new counterpoint, he turned the heat on the stove-top lower then walked over to the thick glass and checked the horizon. "Hopefully everyone made it home safe. A late evening storm like this can be dangerous, I'd hate to see anyone hurt." His left arm, the one that Hikari preferred to hold, was suddenly occupied by the dangerous blonde he travelled with.

"I'm certain they did, they're all very cautious people." There was a bitter chill to her words, "Never willing to imagine life beyond the narrow confines of what's before them. Always taking from others and never giving in return." Her eyes softened when she looked up at him, "Not like you. You give, and if you ask for anything in return it's always with an offer of payment in kind."

"It…wouldn't be fair, otherwise," Shinji could feel the song creeping deeper into his mind. "I'm…uhm, I'm lucky that Hikari and…and Kodama give me so much."

"What do they give, Shinji?" Ritsuko smirked, "You say that you've never seen Hikari undressed, have they offered anything more than a chaste hug?" Her eyes widened in false surprise, "Are you…seeing Kodama on the side?" Turning him slightly she pushed him in mock anger into a safely bolted-to-the-floor chair, "Are you seeing other women?"

"N-no," about to attempt to regain his footing, he instead found his hand full of Ritsuko's glass of wine and his lap full of Ritsuko herself.

"Are you happy, Shinji?" She sat on his knees, her legs on either side of his, "Or are you just going along with what everyone expects of you." A low rumble from outside of the train presaged the cabin growing darker as she leaned forward, "Don't you want to know, Shinji?" Her lips alighted on his jaw, "What your father's planning? The truth about that… _thing_ …you saved earlier today?"

He felt her kisses along his chin, then down his neck, the music suffocating him with urges he couldn't comprehend. "I…I…not thing," _Rei's not a 'thing', she's…._ "R-Ritsuko, n-no," setting the glasses down, he fumbled for her arms as he struggled to rally, "I-I'm with Hikari…." Another, closer, rumble brought with it a new tune. Unlike the innocent curiosity of Water, however, this one brought a much darker emotion.

"You don't need to stop being with her," shifting his hands where she wanted them, she smiled knowingly. "You know that the Evangelion project will never end," she worked his hands tighter, "you'll need someone at work, someone who knows you. Knows what you want. What you _need_."

The song she projected shivered as the thunder grew closer and closer. Shinji's neck grew taut, as he began to realize what she was offering him, "You…aren't in your right mind, Ritsuko-san." _Don't let it control you. You know you'll regret letting the anger control you. It never does anything good._ "Something changed…and you aren't-"

"What?" Rocking her hips forward, she grinned lasciviously, "A whore?" She rolled her eyes, "Shinji, a whore is just a woman who enjoys sex more than she enjoys being seen as a 'good girl'. It's a label, a bright red letter pinned to someone to shame them for loving the feel of another human against them."

The interior of the train car flashed as a bolt of lightning struck close enough to rattle the window, "You weren't this way when Misato joked about hitting on me." Pushing more firmly, Shinji freed his hands and lifted her so that she was sitting on the table and he could stand, "You aren't acting like the woman I met." The drum beat of Thunder drowned out her music, it set his blood boiling. "You aren't the woman I respect."

"People change," she tilted her head at an appealing angle. "Your little Light will change too, Shinji. She'll seek out a man that won't hide behind prudish Western conceits. She won't even know she's doing it. But one day, she'll find a man that'll bend her over a-"

Shinji's roar filled the cabin, " _Not another fucking word!_ " Clenching his fists, he shuddered as he fought to keep himself from continuing to yell, "You…are not…her." _This isn't the Ritsuko of my world. This isn't even this world's Ritsuko._ His nostrils flared as he clenched his eyes shut, "If she chooses to be with someone else, that's her choice. She's been gracious enough to allow me to choose to be with her. She's thanked me, every time I see her, for choosing to be with her. I will _never_ take her right to choose away. And if…if that means she chooses to be with someone else, then I will let her go and hope she is happy."

Ritsuko was smiling hungrily as his eyes opened, "She's already chosen, Shinji." She held up her phone, footage of the living room in the Horaki's home playing.

Displayed on the device without sound accompanying it, Shinji saw Hikari sitting on Maya's lap. Holding the other woman, being held in return. From the angle of the camera, there was little else that could be happening but two people…kissing.

+++++ 5th Angel + 3 : Monday (32)

"H-he's…s-so far b-beyond me," Hikari was sobbing, her hair obscuring that she had her forehead pressed against Maya's temple. "I kn-know that y-you and…and…and everyone…."

"Shhh, shhh," Maya shook her head slowly, not wanting to disturb the wonderful woman she finally got to open up. "Sweetie, I'm not wanting to take Shinji away. I wouldn't let _anyone_ take him away from you." As much as she wanted to look the freckle-faced beauty in the eye, she knew that nobody wanted others to see them in the state Hikari was in. "I'm so sorry that you've had to keep this all pent inside. I should have come and talked with you sooner."

The Class Rep was well and truly elsewhere, the young, lovestruck, teenager finally out and letting her emotions flow, "K-Kodama…."

"Her and Nozomi-chan can't always be your listening boards, can they?" Maya smiled, grateful that the woman she had never considered to be active competition was truly a good person at heart. "She took Nozomi-chan out because she knew you needed to vent. It can be hard to vent when the person you're venting _to_ is one of those you need to vent _about_." _They were right. She needs my strength, too._ "Talk to me, Hikari. What's really going on?"

+++++ 5th Angel + 3 : Monday (32)

"You see?" Ritsuko stood, slinking against her prey, "Your 'father' watches everything you do, Shinji. He's set everything you see and hear in motion. Your dating Hikari was all his plan, your confusion when Kodama throws herself at you? All according to plan." Sliding her hand up his thigh, she grinned, "I'm the wildcard. I've fitted this train car so that he's blind. You and I can do anything, _everything,_ and he'll never know."

 _Hikari…and Maya._ Shinji held the phone with a hand that shook with barely controlled rage at the confirmation of the invasion of their privacy. _If that's what makes her happy…. Then that's what makes her happy._ "I'll be certain to remove these cameras before I move out. They don't deserve to have their private moments recorded like this." A brief recollection of Kodama walking around in very little clothing floated across his consciousness, _He doesn't deserve to see that. She doesn't deserve to be ogled._

"Come with me, Shinji." Ritsuko pulled him towards the bed, "Let me show you everything you'd never get from any of them. Together, we can guide the future. We can control the Evas, thwart everything Gendo Ikari wanted. You can get revenge!"

' _I'll do anything you want, Shinji_. _'_ Kodama's voice echoed dimly through the thunder and seduction, ' _Don't leave!_ ' Speaking his thoughts aloud, he stopped moving, "Was it a lie?"

"Oh, I don't lie, Shinji." Ritsuko sat on the bed, leaning back and letting her legs trail out playfully, "The truth is far too much fun." She spun his hairband between two fingers, having stolen it at some point during her attempted seduction.

' _Oh, Shinji,'_ Kodama's voice sighed. _'You can't go out in public with your hair like that, didn't anybody take the time to teach you how to care for it? It looked reasonable last night.'_

Shinji looked over to the phone, not seeing either of the other two household members that should be there.

' _If something takes part of that happiness away, Shinji, trust what remains, ok?'_ The memory of her lips on his calmed the storm in his mind _, 'Don't give up just because the path changes.'_

 _Trust._ He turned away from Ritsuko, "Dinner's going to burn." Walking towards the kitchen, he set his course in stone. _I may not believe in fate, but I won't ignore the evidence in front of me._

"The offer may not last, Shinji," the bottle-blonde's voice became dangerous. "I could just as easily tell Gendo everything."

"That's your choice," he shrugged as the rage died down to embers. Her music was gone, the thunder no longer needed. "I won't take your choice away from you, either." _Not so long as I think I can save you. Whatever happened to me, happened to Rei…you've been exposed._

"He'll take everything away from you," sitting down on her bar stool, she kept her tone conversational. "You'll be nothing but a pawn."

"It's far too late for that," Shinji laughed humorlessly as he began to cook in earnest. "I've been a pawn since the moment I was born." _Anger._ He sighed, _Is anger really how I stop stammering like an idiot? Is anger really the answer to…to no longer acting like a passenger in my own life?_

His callous indifference brought a tremor of pleasure to her features. "I'll have you yet, Shinji," she purred, "this isn't over."

+++++ 5th Angel + 4 : Tuesday (33)

"She's asleep, in his bed." Kodama was grateful that Maya made enough coffee for both of them, "I…thank you."

"No, no," Maya waved her hand. "Don't thank me for not doing exactly what we're both angry at Akagi for doing. I missed my chance at joining their relationship. I had a brief window between him meeting Hikari and stepping on the teacup, and to be honest, even that window was too small to truly consider." Looking over to the clock on the wall, she winced, "It's late…early. It's something, and I really shouldn't be drinking coffee."

"I'll cover for you," Kodama grinned. "I'll tell them that you consoled Hikari like a pro, that you read _two_ stories to Nozomi, and that you deserve three raises." Swallowing her grin, she looked away, "I'm sorry for leaving you alone with her. She…doesn't always tell me everything. She never has. I knew that this was bothering her, but I didn't know how close she was to cracking."

"Don't be," Maya shook her head slowly. "I needed to talk with her. I'm not kidding, I wanted to date her too. She might be the smartest girl I've ever met, and when you add on her legs and her voice? Shinji's a lucky man." Taking another sip, she shrugged, "I can't even say I'm upset at being rejected, because she didn't reject me. I rejected myself."

"You're a stronger woman than I am," Kodama admitted freely. "I talked a good game. I think I lasted…maybe a week?"

"That's going to take some getting used to. Imagining Shinji dating a pair of sisters." The Captain looked up at the ceiling thoughtfully, "I…only ask this because I'm curious. I don't think for a minute that he's that way, but…."

"Nozomi's got a crush, and Sakura's got a crush, and they'll both get over it. When _Shinji_ says something, I can believe it in my heart of hearts. He's told me to my face, during a moment where he was really, really not in a good state, that he'd always see her as a little sister. That he couldn't imagine seeing her as anything else." Kodama had overheard part of the conversation that occurred amid bedtime stories between Maya and Nozomi, "To be honest, I think her and her partner in crime…they'll end up either dating the same man or each other. Much, _much_ , further down the road if I have anything to say about it."

"That's good. She can be surprisingly frank when she puts her mind to something," Maya snickered, "it's cute."

"Yeah, but we don't feed that impulse in this house. It's cute now, but later in life it'll get her in a lot of trouble. Have to raise her right." She shrugged with one shoulder, looking back down into her cup, "For mom."

"Your mother would be proud," Maya reached over, gently taking her newest friend's hand. "You've held them together, you've helped them become women that I've been honored to come to know. You've done right by her memory, Kodama-san."

"I can only hope," the eldest sister looked away sadly. "I don't know if mom would be super proud of me asking my sister's boyfriend to date me too, no matter what she said about pursuing happiness wherever you find it."

"Times are odd," Maya responded gently. "Maybe she'd be ecstatic that you both landed a man like Shinji. Could be worse," she grimaced, "he could be like that Suzuhara boy Hikari told me about. The one Shinji tried to cover for twice."

"Uhck," Kodama stuck her tongue out in disgust, "on his worst day, Shinji could never be a millionth as disgusting as that creep. I never told Hikari, because she seemed to have her heart set on him, but I caught him fingering a pair of my panties when he came over with a study group in middle school."

"Gross." Maya shuddered, "You want to say that's a phase all boys go through…but Shinji kind of proves that wrong."

"He might be better at controlling it," Kodama smiled gently. "I can see flashes of desire in him, but he suppresses them so quick that you'd swear they were never there. He might be more lustful than we think." Sipping her drink, she thought on what her sister had said as Maya was chosen to take Shinji to the train, _'He needs people like her, Ko-Ko. You want me to listen to this…sense…whatever it is we have, I'm listening to it. She's going to give him something irreplaceable, and if he pushes her away because he thinks I can't handle sharing then he'll never get it.'_ "Sharing."

Maya turned from her own introspection, "Hmm?"

"Would sharing really work, with him?" Kodama clutched her cup tighter, "I'm terrified of him dying, Maya-san. If he dies, we all die. But it's not that…rather important detail, honestly, that brings me to love him. It's that I know, deep inside, I know that he'd give anything and everything to make sure I could live happily. I could live in a ditch, with him. I know that I'd be happy wherever he is, no matter how many people we lived with."

"I agree, it's a large part of why I was…am, so attracted to him. The outer shell is lovely, but don't mistake me, I thought he was cute before the change. With his neatly trimmed hair, and his beautiful eyes…. It's that heart of his that got me all warm and squishy, though. The way he speaks to me like I'm the most important person on the planet."

"That's why I'm concerned about all of this," Kodama seized on her main fear. "How many women will he draw to him? What would be the limit? He'd…he wouldn't accept them all because he's greedy, or because he doesn't think any one woman would satisfy him, he'd accept them because he's too damn nice not to!"

Maya sucked on her cheek as she began to realize that Kodama's worry was incredibly valid, "That's a good point."

"And then what?" Finding a willing audience, she pressed forward, "Is Hikari the limit we set for him? Am I? If two, why not three? Why not four? Hikari thinks that he'll learn to set his own limits, but I don't think he's capable of it. He'll either include everyone, or he'll leave everyone, including Hikari, because he feels that he'd never be able to treat her the way _he_ feels _she_ deserves to be treated."

"He's…dealing with significant challenges in that arena, yes." Maya wasn't willing to sell him short, but she couldn't disagree that the whole situation with Ritsuko Akagi proved Kodama's point capably. "Why don't you have a talk with him, then? Share your concerns?"

"And by doing that I've become the jealous woman asking for him to include me in the thing that he's pushing against creating? Include me while excluding everyone else?" Kodama snorted, "I'd rather not be more of a hypocrite, thank you."

"Ok…would you like _me_ to have a talk with him?" Maya knew she needed to intervene, but didn't want to seem overbearing to the woman that she'd begun making amends with, "I could see how he feels about everything, ask him what he wants out of life. Maybe help him work towards that kind of understanding in his own needs and desires."

"I…no." Kodama laughed, "No, I don't want a woman that's just spent the last month trying to figure out a way to ask my sister and him to date her helping him date someone else. I'm also not a bitch, Maya-san." Tapping the table, she leaned forward, "That's a part of my point, all of the people that I'd trust with this conversation have a stake in the conversation going one way or another. And asking any of the three of us to tackle this alone is asking them to put aside the very thing worth fighting for."

"I don't know that I'm a candidate anymore, Kodama-san," she stated soothingly. "Hikari made it very clear that she was terrified that someone, like me, would take him away from her. Even if I'd happily spend time with her, and her alone, she's worried that she's not the woman for him, when she so obviously is the best candidate for the job…no offense."

"None taken," Kodama brushed away the comment. "My sister, if it's any one woman, will be the one he stays with. She deserves that happiness, because every time someone else tries to force him to do something for their benefit, she's the first person to put all of her trust in him. I'm…not as strong as her. I push, and I cajole, and I beg." With a sigh, she wilted, "I demanded that he tell all of the other women in his life to back off…I'm jealous of other women being close to…to the man that makes me happiest."

"Ok, help me understand," Maya reached over and gently gripped Kodama's wrist, lending emotional support to the next in a series of Horaki women that needed someone to be there for them. "What is it that you want to see happen? You already know that I'm backing off. You know that I'll help in any way I can to keep him with Hikari. But from listening to you speak, you seem to want him to be free to choose to…well, if this were a manga I'd say, 'make a harem'."

"Could you honestly see him doing that?" Kodama barked out a laugh, "Going 'Oh, Maya-chan, I love you…but Kodama-chan too…and Hikari-chan is my most important, but you're no less important…oh I'm so conflicted!' He'd drown himself in Ashinoko before he'd ever conceive of doing that."

"No, no," Maya shook her head, smiling at the imagery. "But I could see him coming home from another long day at work, day after day, and feeling happy when he saw me and Hikari working together on our children's homework. I could see him relaxing as you hug him, letting him know that all of his hard work has been appreciated. I could see him inviting Ayanami-chan over with her spouse, and all of us sitting down to dinner, discussing the 'bad times' when we had to fight for our lives." She nodded, the fantasy appealing, "He'd work too hard, work long hours. With four incomes he wouldn't have to, but he'd insist on doing his best. We'd balance taking care of the house between us, and he'd still find ways to do things before we could. Those days where he couldn't stand it anymore, he'd kick us out of the kitchen politely, apologetically, and treat us to fantastic meals…."

Kodama quietly added, "And even better nights in bed."

"He probably wouldn't stop until we were a quivering mess," she agreed. "He'd apologize for climaxing, himself."

"I…I'm sharing this, because I think it's adorable, but if you tell _anyone_ ," her eyes hardened.

Maya patted her arm, "I'm here to help, Kodama-san. He deserves my best effort."

"Hikari asked me to help, because he's so…repressed." She reflexively looked to see that Nozomi hadn't been eavesdropping, "He doesn't even self-gratify."

"…Not surprising, also not healthy."

"I know, right?" Kodama nodded, "So, I asked a couple of people from my college to help. Had them make a little video to promote a reaction."

"Daring," Maya tittered. "Did they know he'd be viewing it?"

"They gave a forward addressed specifically to him," Kodama leaned in. "I had to walk out of the room when they were filming because they got very hot, very quickly." Tilting her head towards Shinji's bedroom, she lowered her voice, "That one 'helped' him while watching the video."

"Ooo," swept up in the narrative, she grinned, "go on."

"First experience for either of them with another person's joy department, and as soon as she manually relieved the problem, he asked her what he could do for her." Kodama rolled her eyes, "She declined anything. They kissed, but that's it. She didn't let him do a damn thing."

"Ouch. I bet that stung him." Maya thought through the situation, "He probably thought she didn't trust him."

"I know, right? I'm not saying I'd demand he worship me, but if he asked I'm not going to deny the chance to let him love me." Kodama sat back, "That's part of what's been making me so…pushy. He's getting mixed signals, he doesn't know if she wants him to move forward, or if she's fine with how things are. He's been conditioned to think that touching a woman is tantamount to rape, and here she is letting other women drape themselves over him without speaking up."

"Because she trusts him," Maya cautioned. "It's the hardest thing to do, but she's doing her best."

Kodama slapped the table, "I know that! But…what happens when he comes back home and he reeks of Akagi. What happens when his first taste of actual, whole-hearted, sex is with someone else? Someone who'd give it to him any time, any way, and his girlfriend won't even let him know that she's been open to doing just that?"

 _Or, she could write him a note that you don't know about._ "He won't," Maya reached over with her other hand, taking Kodama's hands and squeezing them. "This is Shinji we're talking about. You've asked him not to, I've made it clear to him that he has every right to say 'no', and I'm positive that he loves your sister. If anything happens on that train, it won't be sex. _That_ will be rape. If she dares do that, I'll bring down every law enforcement agency I can, no matter what it will do to my job. He'll be a victim, Kodama-san, not a willing participant. He'll need our support, not our fear. He doesn't want her like that, he's told Misato-san and I just that very thing." Looking at the clock again, she groaned, "I know this is important, but I really do need some sleep. Why don't we try again later today? We'll see if we can talk with Hikari together, find out what she's thinking about everything, now that she's had a chance to talk to me."

"I…sure," Kodama nodded, "sure. I'm sorry to keep you so late, why don't you take my bed? I'll…crash with Hikari, be a big sister. You can borrow some of my clothes, we'll wash your uniform, head to work together."

"Are you sure? I wouldn't want to intrude."

"Maya-san," Kodama smirked, "if we end up in a harem together, I'm going to end up seeing you naked whether we like it or not. Borrowing my clothes will be the least odd thing you do."

+++++ 5th Angel + 4 : Tuesday (33)

Shinji lay on the couch, sleep the furthest thing from his mind. The knowledge that not two body lengths from him Ritsuko lay nearly nude preventing him from relaxing. _If I fall asleep, I might wake up in her bed._ It was himself that he trusted the least. _Whatever that music is, I can still hear it. Like that irritating stuff they play in the stores, it's just at the edge of hearing, and I don't want to get angry with her. Wouldn't help. Just give her more to hold over me._

He still wore the same clothes he traveled in, grateful that Hikari had been kind enough to pack him essentials. _It was probably her way of apologizing…._ He sighed as he rubbed his chest in irritation, the image of her on Maya's lap replaying in his mind, _It's why she didn't argue like Kodama did, I bet. She…she wants out. But why? Why not just tell me, I'd have…hurt. But I'd have let her go._ Feeling an imperfection in the shirt, he worried at it, then looked down to see that a spot of oil had landed over his heart, _That's going to be hard to get out now._

Standing quietly, he walked over to where he'd stashed his bag after firmly denying the option of sleeping in bed with the woman he traveled with. Retreating to the far side of the car, he pulled off his shirt and inverted it, to avoid the oil spreading to anywhere else. Digging through the bag, he found another shirt that he could wear. As he unfurled it, a note fell out, bouncing off his knee and foot, "Hmm?" Setting the clean shirt aside, he crouched down, retrieving and unfolding the paper.

 _To the best boyfriend I could ever ask for:_

 _While you're away, I'm going to be stuck here at home. While you travel off to fight in horrific battles, again, I'll be doing mundane chores and helping my little sister. While you focus on doing the best you can for the world that depends on you, I'll be wishing that I could be a better woman for you. That maybe I, somehow, could pilot alongside you. That instead of Ayanami-chan, who doesn't deserve the hand that fate has dealt her, it was me. That I could make your burdens lighter, even if just for a time._

 _But, ultimately, all I have are dreams. The cold light of reality refuses what we would wish to be true, and not everything we work towards is possible. Or, perhaps, I should say not everything *I* work towards is possible. You, Shinji Ikari, make miracles happen every day. You create victory where it seems only defeat can exist. You stand up for people that are hurt, confused, or scared. You act with kindness, with mercy, with forgiveness. If it was only your strength I saw, I might not love you as deeply as I do. If it was only your compassion, I might think you too weak to stand as you must. If it was just your giving nature, I might think you leading me along out of kindness, and not staying with me because you love me in return._

 _I've been reading that book you bought me when I haven't been with you in the hospital, every time I pick it up I think of you. Of how you reminded me that we don't have to do anything. How when we choose to do something, it makes it that much more special. One day, soon I can only hope, you'll choose to allow me to give something special to you. A gift I can only ever give once. It might not be fancy, or even worth very much in today's day and age…but I've held onto it for someone special to me._

 _Anyway…that's a little embarrassing to say like that in a letter. Maya-san will be coming over, the night you're gone. She's going to spend time with Kodama, Nozomi, and I. I'm glad, I've wanted to talk to her about you. She seems to be someone who has your best interests at heart, and since neither of us…our mothers aren't with us anymore, I think that she might be someone I can ask that doesn't live in the madhouse we call home. It's hard to talk to Misato-san, I worry she's still interested in you living with her again. I can't talk to anyone in the Shirakami, they'd just tell me to pin you down and start having children, regardless of what you want out of life. And I don't trust Akagi-san anymore. So I'll trust the person you trust, the person you remind of a good and faithful pup. You haven't led me astray yet, and hopefully I can let my guard down enough to be honest with her about what I want to do, and she'll help me know when it's best to do it._

 _I'm just as lost as you, Shinji. I'm doing the best I can with no stars to guide me. I'm just glad that, in the end, you chose me._

 _With all the love I have to give,_

 _Your Light_

Shinji read the letter twice again, then very carefully folded it and slid it back into the bag, in a pouch where it wouldn't become marred. _Trust._ "I must not have seen what I thought I saw," he muttered. _What I saw on the spy cameras installed in the house that welcomed me._ "I'm so messed up." Picking up his new shirt, he grabbed his cell phone and walked out of the cabin.

The slow pace of the train displaced just enough air to create an enjoyable breeze as it played with his hair and caressed his exposed skin, the open-air causeway still warm despite the early, early morning hour. Sliding his shirt on, his gratitude that Hikari and Kodama insisted that he do some shopping for 'comfy clothes' growing boundlessly, he looked down at his phone. "She's probably asleep. I shouldn't wake her, just to…accuse her? No." He shook his head, "If I said anything, they might hear…."

' _Ask, Shinji-san,'_ he felt the ghost of Gen's hand on his shoulder. _'There are those around you that will aid you in your desire to see the world made better.'_

"He…might be up." Searching through his phone for the text he received, Shinji called the man that he hoped might be able to take care of the matter of privacy.

A sultry voice answered the phone, "Mmm, hello. This is the Ishimoto residence."

Shinji panicked, "O-oh, I'm very sorry to disturb you, I m-meant to call Gen-san."

The woman seemed to sigh, "Who may I ask is calling?"

"This is Shinji Ikari, ma'am, I'm very, very sorry for the early hour."

"Ikari-san?" The voice sharpened, "He's not here at the moment, he's dealing with…something serious. What is it that you need, Sweetie? He's left very specific instructions should you ever need him."

"I-I…."

"This is his wife, Sweetie. My name is Nanako, and _I'm_ very sorry that he's never brought you around to meet properly, I'll make sure to chastise him when the time's right." He could hear the woman moving around, the sounds of rustling in a desk clear through the connection, "Now, I promise whatever it is you need I'll make sure to keep it safe. He swears you're not the kind of man to just ask for things, so I know this must be important."

 _Trust._ "It…it is."

"I have my pen and paper ready, Sweetie." Her voice was imploringly cordial, "You just let Aunty Nanako know what you need. I'll do what I can, and Gen or Suzuki will handle the rest."

"The…is this line…." _They probably tapped my phone…wait!_ "I'm going to call back, is this number…."

"Call the following number, Sweetie," she rattled off a phone number. "Whatever that dreadful company you work for thinks they can trace, we can hide better. I'll pick it up as soon as you find a phone you can trust."

"Thank you, ma'am." Shinji hung up, heading back into the cabin. Spying the satellite phone connected to the bar, he picked it up and worked out how to use the device. _Ritsuko says this room is free of him, let's hope she's as good as I remember her being._

The other end rang once, "Interesting, according to the laptop there's no significant signal delay. Unless they're actively monitoring everything, we should be fine for a short time. What do you need, Sweetie?"

Unwilling to risk being unclear, he blurted out the heart of the matter, "The Horaki home is bugged. There are cameras, microphones, maybe more. When they built the addition to move me in, they added the surveillance equipment. I'd tell them, but I just found out and I'm…not anywhere close to them." He kept the habits his time with Misato had built, "A good place to start would be near the staircase, there's a camera there that looks towards the couch in the living room. L-last night…."

"It's all right, Sweetie. I know just the people to call," her quiet confidence gave him strength. "You are just as advertised, you know that?"

Shinji sighed, "A mistake-prone idiot?"

"A good apple that never landed near the tree that spawned it," she chided gently. Her voice shifted further towards seriousness, "There…was…." She sighed, "You're not near the Horaki girls, are you?"

"I'm…off on a business trip."

"Hurry home to them, Sweetie. Whatever it is you're doing, wrap it up quickly and get back. They're going to need you there for them." She seemed to hesitate, "Be the kind of man Gen's built you up to be in my mind, Sweetie. And if you need _anything,_ you call your Aunty Nanako, no matter what time of night it is. Be safe." With that, he heard the line go dead.

 _I hope I didn't just make everything worse._ Setting the satellite phone back down, he felt a pair of arms encircle him from behind. Checking his immediate reflex to throw the person doing it, he stiffened long enough to be certain that he wouldn't harm Ritsuko.

"Oh, Shinji, Shinji, Shinji," she laughed quietly. "If you were going to declare war on your father, you might have wanted to include me in the planning."

"I'm not declaring anything, on anyone." Holding still, not wanting to risk hurting the woman he knew must be possessed somehow, he kept his tone level, "I'm giving the Horaki family back their privacy."

"Are you?" Slipping around to stand in front of him, she sat on the stool and tugged him between her legs, "You have to know that he won't let you live there without being able to monitor everything." Working her hands under his shirt, which he had left untucked in his haste to do what he could, she smiled knowingly, "But there are ways you could accomplish what you want."

Shinji tried to gently disentangle her from him, "Ritsuko-san-"

Her hands stiffened, "Call me that again, and I'll tell him right now." Holding her fingers taut for a few more seconds, she relaxed and let her smile shine back through, "You know I've asked you to just use my first name, Shinji. We're allies. Comrades."

"Ritsuko…you're asking me to do something I'm not comfortable with," he knew she had a leg up on him now. She knew enough to cause him true complications, and he needed to keep her on his side while he worked out how to free her from whatever it was that possessed her.

"I can see that," she nodded in understanding. "So let's try something easier," shifting forward, she lifted her face up, "kiss me."

"N-no," he shook his head briskly, "Ritsuko, I-I'm with Hikari."

"Who's with Maya, now," she stood on the footrest of the stool, looking down on him. "Who, I'll remind you, you kissed on the platform." Jumping at him, she smiled as he caught her reflexively, "So is that it? Am I the only woman you won't show any affection to, Shinji?" Wrapping her legs around his torso, she laced her arms around his neck, "That's not very nice."

Unbidden, a comparison between Kodama's legs and Ritsuko's legs ran through his mind. Whereas the eldest Horaki's legs were muscular from long hours of constant motion and lifting, Ritsuko's were evidence of her preferred hobby of swimming. They weren't strong, or weak, they were a soft, pliant, middle ground. "Sh-she kissed me," he stated truthfully. "I was…just as shocked as you." _I need to get angry. I need the song._

"So that's the secret?" Shifting forwards, she pulled his head down, their lips meeting roughly in the middle.

He wanted to pull back, to move away, but the fear that if he denied her the smaller matters, she'd demand larger of him under the threat of contacting _him_ stayed his hand. She tasted of cigarette ash and cherry candy, the lingering scent of sandalwood hidden under a musk he couldn't quite place. Her tongue explored his, her breath hot and clinging. Of all the kisses he'd been exposed to…. "Stop," he lifted his head back, _why won't you listen?_ "P-please. You know I'm with Hikari. I-"

"I told you, I don't mind," slipping free from him, she landed softly on her feet. "This," her hand slipped inside his pants, "has needs." She smiled archly as her hand met his rigid flesh, "Oh my…you _are_ a handful, aren't you?" Giggling at her own comment, she moaned, "If you're not interested, Shinji, why is this so…friendly."

He felt the tendons at the base of his neck clench, the desire to shove her away and run nearly overwhelming, "I…." He swallowed, trying to sort out his confusion, "No." _I need to trust Misato's advice._ "I'm n-not ready to do anything like that."

"Are you sure?" Her hand kept slowly moving back and forth, "You feel…ready."

"Please," he wanted to cry. The stress of the past month piling up behind the confusion, the thunder nowhere to be found now that he needed it once more. "No."

Slowing to a halt, she sighed, "Fine." She shifted against him as the train came to a halt, "We're here anyway." Pulling him down into another, longer, kiss, she moved his hand under her negligee, "We'll pick back up after you crush that child's toy."

The feel of her breast beneath his palm filled him with shame. _I'm terrible._ Stepping back, he turned to grab his bag and find somewhere else to change into the business clothes he'd been asked to wear for the conference. _I'm a pervert._

+++++ 5th Angel + 4 : Tuesday (33)

The doorbell was insistent. It took Kodama several tries to work her way out of the odd futon, nothing being where she was used to it existing. Rolling out onto the floor, she looked up at the ceiling, "Oh…right." _That's why I don't recognize it, I'm in Shinji's room. Without Shinji._ The sound of their young Champion's shower going explained the lack of Hikari, leaving it up to her to answer the door before Nozomi was forced to drag her out there to do it. Slipping on some of Shinji's worn clothes, for modesty's sake more than anything else, she swayed out towards the main door. Standing on the stairwell, several steps down, Maya greeted her with a tired wave. Kodama waved in return, "Mornin'."

"Sorry I couldn't get ready faster," Maya held up her arms, "you're a little bigger than me in certain areas, your selection of shirts was…showing things."

"Heh." Kodama nodded, then pulled the door open. She instantly recognized one of her father's female associates, her mother's once-dearest friend, "Suzuka-san, I'm sorry for taking so long. It's been a night."

"It has," the powerful woman intoned politely. "I need to ask for you to assemble your sisters, Kodama-chan." Her eyes traveled to where Maya stood cautiously observing, "You are one of those who profess to act as guardians to Shinji-dono. I would have words with you while Kodama-chan follows instructions."

"Yes, ma'am," Kodama ducked her head. She'd known the woman for a long time, and never once had seen her make an idle demand. "Maya-san, she's…a very close family friend. Whatever it is she needs, I'd give it to her. I'll be back with the other two, but it may take a few minutes, Suzuka-san."

Maya finished descending the stairs, "Pleased to meet you, my name is-"

"I know your name, Ibuki-chan. What I do not know is why you would allow recording devices to remain in your ward's home. Do you hold nothing sacred?" Suzuka's voice was cold and sharp, "Your organization is disgusting enough, swaggering about like it owns the world. But this violation is far beyond what could even remotely be considered acceptable."

Maya was stunned by both the rudeness in her choice of honorific and the sudden assault on her integrity, "I…I don't…." Turning about quickly, she looked around the room, "They didn't. Who would have authorized it?" Thinking about the sight angles she'd need in setting up a monitoring station for a patient, she quickly determined the best location and hopped up on the steps to look closer, "No. No, that's…."

"I see," Suzuka sighed. "They don't bother briefing their command staff, do they?"

"What do I do?" Maya asked herself, ignoring the woman for the moment. "Who do I report it to?" _Kozo would have to know it happened. He helped everything come into place. Even if he didn't know, that would leave only the Commander, and there's nothing I can do to prevent him from doing it again!_ "I'll deal with this," she turned back to the slender swordswoman, "I don't know how, but I'll handle it."

"You will do nothing," Suzuka raised a single eyebrow. "We have already cut off all feeds from the cameras, and once I have delivered the terrible news I must, your duty will be to console the women that Shinji-dono is not here to."

"Console?" Maya blinked, "I…they likely wouldn't be used to constant surveillance. You're right."

"Were it only that, Ibuki-chan." Waving the woman into the kitchen, she finally stepped into the home, "Make a pot of tea," extending the satchel she carried, "For every three leaves of Motherwort, use two of the rose petals. Do not bring out any honey or sugar, they must drink the bitter brew unsweetened for it to be effective."

Maya stopped the woman, not enjoying her callous attitude, "Who are you to be so…rude?"

"I am their mother's second," Suzuka stated as if it explained everything. "When you have proven that you are capable of even the most basic custodial duties regarding Shinji-dono, you might begin to understand yourself what it is that I do. Until then, three leaves of Motherwort, two of the rose petals. Or you may leave." She shook the satchel again.


	32. Chapter 32

+++++ 5th Angel + 4 : Tuesday (33)

As was the new norm, Shinji couldn't slouch. His body seemed not only incapable of the action, but actively opposed to him attempting to reduce his stature. Walking into the cavernous chamber, he became aware of the various glances and whispers directed at him. The one small bit of gratitude he had was focused on the fact that he'd found a shower in the cabin he'd fled to. Showering off hadn't removed the…feel of things, but it gave him hope that he didn't _smell_ like her.

"You should smile, Shinji," Ritsuko patted his back, "in a few hours, all of these people will know how powerful you are."

"I'd rather they not know me at all," he muttered.

"Doctor Akagi?" A woman that was quite likely the largest Shinji'd ever seen stepped into view, "Pleased to meet you, I'm Idunn Haraldson." The red-head, of a height with Shinji, extended her hand in the Western style to the doctor.

 _Haraldson?_ Shinji frowned, the name seeming familiar.

"Charmed," Ritsuko replied, accepting the greeting. "Are you with the UN delegation?"

"I am," she smiled pleasantly as she retrieved her hand. "You must be Shinji Ikari," offering the same greeting to him as she had to Ritsuko, "I'm exceedingly pleased to meet you, finally. Your reputation precedes you, Mister Ikari."

"Please," he focused on avoiding the stammer, "just Shinji, ma'am. I'm nobody special."

He could feel her eyes weighing him, "Of course. If I were in your position, I'd want to be 'nobody special' too. Let me show you to your seats." Sliding over to flank Shinji, she gestured over to the marked table, "There are a number of delegates that would like to speak to you, if you wouldn't mind."

"I'm…not sure I understand," keeping his pace with Ritsuko's, he looked to the tall redhead, "why would they want to talk to me?"

"It's not every day that they get the chance to speak directly to the only human being to make close contact with live aliens, Shinji. You'd be surprised at the number of requests the UN fields from every scientific organization in the world for just five minutes of your time." Idunn grinned, "We haven't been forwarding them, as your Commander has made clear that until such a time as the enemy stops arriving, your time is incredibly limited."

"Oh." He blinked, realizing that what she said was true. After he did what was expected, secondhand information was all that was available. "I'll…do what I can to answer what I can."

"That's great," her smile was comforting, seeming to radiate warmth without being effusive or demonstrative. "I'll ask a few of them to come over at a time, I wouldn't want to overwhelm you." Gesturing to the chairs at the table, she tilted her head, "Please, sit down. Get something to drink. I'll be back in a bit."

Pulling Ritsuko's chair out for her, a habit that he only realized might be sending the wrong signal after he'd done it, he sighed and took his seat. "She seems nice."

"All snakes do, until they bite," Ritsuko poured herself a glass of water. "Don't trust the UN, Shinji. They hate us, they hate what we have, they hate what we do."

His eyebrows knit together, _Aren't we part of the UN? Why would anyone hate us for defending the world? It's not like we asked for this, it's not like I'm overjoyed at having to pilot._

"Shinji Ikari," Idunn returned quickly, smiling slightly as the young man stood up to greet her, "this is General Philip Benoit, fifth of his name. General, Shinji Ikari."

The stocky man tilted his head slightly, "No rank? That seems unfair to you, son." He extended his hand with a warm nod, "It's a pleasure to meet you, Mister Ikari."

"It's a pleasure, General," Shinji took his hand as best he could. "One of my guardians told me that it wouldn't be fair to expect me to pilot, go to class, and also meet the obligations of an officer. I think she'd rather I focus on my studies, maintain my grades."

"A solid education is your finest weapon, that is very true," the general agreed affably. "Doctor Akagi," his demeanor dimmed, "I'm surprised to see you here, and not the bastard you work for. This seems like something he'd happily attend to rub his cock all over the face of the upstarts."

"Oh, he's far too busy to deal with the rabble. That's what he has us peons for, General." Ritsuko stayed seated, flaunting her status as a civilian, "Was there something you wanted to ask our pilot? Paladin here is the retiring sort, if you were just looking for conversation."

"Paladin?" The general grinned, "A rather conceited name for a man as gentle as you seem to be."

"It was…a gift," Shinji shrugged. "Some of the pilots from NERV's First Air Group have…become friends with me."

"And so your handle is Paladin?" The man nodded, "I understand their sense of humor then. As an old pilot myself, I'm pleased to see that the good-natured teasing continues. Tell me," he rolled his hand, "your first battle. When you stabbed the bastard in the gut, how did it feel?"

Shinji frowned as he thought back to the Third Angel, the second time around, "Warm, sir." He shook his head, "The explosion melted portions of my armor, it set the LCL to boiling. For a few moments…I was immersed in molten liquid." His eyes lost focus, "Which is nothing compared to the poor people that lost homes, pets, treasured memories. There's a little girl that is a good friend of the family I'm staying with, she was nearly sentenced to a life without ever walking again." He shook his head, clearing the fog away, "A little pain is a cheap price to pay if it means preventing even worse tragedies."

"Hmm," he nodded. "Do me a favor, _Paladin_." He leaned in, "Don't ever lose that humility. Your father is an arrogant, pompous, prick. That you clearly favor your mother is a gift to mankind from God himself, and I am damn glad to have you, and not him, in that seat today." Pulling out a small data chip, he offered it to Shinji, "If the Benoit family can ever be of assistance to you, do not hesitate. We will gladly stand with you against the enemies of mankind."

"Thank you, sir," Shinji took the chip carefully. "I'd offer the same, but…I doubt a high school student could be of much use to a UN General."

"You would be surprised, son. You would be surprised." The stocky man patted Shinji's shoulder, then turned to Idunn, "I'll go see about easing some of the more raucous members nerves. Why don't you stay here and chat? I don't think that anyone else needs to bother him before he takes that abomination he pilots and dismantles that nuclear horror."

"Of course, General," Idunn inclined her head politely.

After taking a step, the man stopped, speaking without turning around, "Oh, and Doctor Akagi. It would be unfortunate if the Inspector General found out that Mister Ikari has been forced into anything against his will. We haven't yet received the report detailing his unfortunate transformation. While he seems…adjusted to it, we will be investigating further. His health is the world's health, after all."

As the stocky officer walked away, Shinji looked down at the table. _I'm tired of people getting in trouble, even if…I'm not happy with them._ He kept his voice lowered, respectfully, "It's…not anyone's fault."

"That's up to the board of inquiry," Idunn responded easily. "Sit down, Shinji. Relax. If General Benoit says you won't be bothered, you won't be bothered."

Ritsuko raised an eyebrow, "Isn't it inappropriate for the UN to show favorites?" It was clear that she wasn't thrilled with the tall woman's choice to sit directly next to Shinji.

"Well, in this case it's more a matter of the UN multitasking." Idunn grinned, "After all, it's the first time we've had an opportunity to directly observe the world's first legitimate alien-killing pilot. Finding out how he's holding up, if he's being treated well. What with the repeated assassination attempts, we'd be poorly served by appearing to stand at a distance instead of actively, and warmly, welcome him."

"Repeated…." Shinji blinked, "Who's tried to assassinate me? I wouldn't say the Angels are assassins."

Ritsuko sat up, "That's-"

"You haven't been told?" Idunn's jaw clenched, "Shinji, on at least two occasions, someone has tried to kill you outside of combat. Why haven't you shared that information with him, Doctor? It's bad enough that NERV has allowed it to happen more than once, but to not even give him a warning?"

"I had assumed that either Captain Katsuragi or miss Horaki would have taken care of that," she altered her approach. "I've been unfortunately busy trying to meet the constant requirements for research data."

 _People have tried to kill me?_ "I-"

"Welcome, ladies and gentlemen," the speakers sprang to life, swallowing what Shinji had intended to say. "Welcome to Japan Heavy Chemical Industries' presentation of our newest project, the Jet Alone!"

Shinji's focus was elsewhere for the first series of video presentations. Several speakers came and went as he pondered exactly how little he had been told by anyone at NERV. _Is…is the Horaki family in danger?_ His mind went around and around, debating who he could ask for the truth, who he could trust to tell him anything. _If they can't even be bothered to tell me that someone tried to murder me, why should I…what if they didn't know?_

He looked up, seeing the Jet Alone tearing apart an old building on the video display. _A building doesn't hit back._ His mind shifted gears, running away from the problems of trust that had begun to pile themselves around him. Each segment of the pre-planned displays irritated him more than the one previous. This robot wasn't suited to the demolitions work it was doing, why would they think it could stand up to an Angel? _I could have dismantled it when Misato ordered me to stop it. She was worried about damage to the Eva._ He scowled, _Clearly father doesn't give a shit about it, so long as he can stroke his ego._ He heard the distant sound of a storm building.

"And so you see, ladies and gentlemen, the Jet Alone stands as a true triumph of the engineering spirit of Japan! There is no challenge we cannot overcome, and all without having to sacrifice a single human life." The cocksure speaker locked eyes with Shinji, "As we all know, children should be studying hard to help society, not forced to fight for humanity's future."

"Except it's only us _Children_ that can deal with the A.T. Field," Shinji grumbled.

Idunn stood, "Pilot Ikari brings up a very valid point, Tokita-san. Would you be willing to address his concerns?"

Shinji looked up at the woman as if she'd sprouted three new heads, "I what?"

"Of course we would," the smug executive smiled slickly, "after all. We're grateful that he's been willing to help us demonstrate our platform's superiority."

"Up, up," Idunn urged him to his feet and handed him a microphone that an attendant delivered. Keeping her voice low and the head of the mic covered, she encouraged him to speak, "You have the best perspective to criticize from, Shinji. Share that perspective. Let them know what it is that worries you."

Standing there, Shinji looked at the microphone, then up at the stage. _I can do this. If I talk them down, then we don't have to fight._ "How do you plan to counter the enemy's A.T. Field? Nothing I saw in your presentation videos showed us anything about that."

"Ah yes," Tokita pursed his lips and nodded, "the hypothetical 'A.T. Field'. A lot of the research for that seems to have come from a single source, following the original research team's untimely demise. I'm not sure that we should take it seriously, as there hasn't been any proven studies, just the word of a famously unstable woman." He, and several other tables, laughed at the comment. "If there is such a thing, I'm certain it's only a matter of time before we can counter it. After all, there is no perfect armor."

A crack of thunder sounded from above the convention hall, "My mother's research was responsible for discovering how to counter the A.T. Field." Shinji kept his eyes locked on the arrogant executive, "If it wasn't for her, I would have been torn apart by the Third Angel. I saw up close how conventional weapons failed. I was nearly crushed by debris in the N-Two strike. How many soldiers lost their lives trying to stop the Angel before I was given a chance?"

General Benoit called out with a voice that could have been heard across the city unaided, "One hundred and Seventy-eight."

Shinji closed his eyes and sighed as another roll of thunder sounded, "Almost two hundred people died because of pointless delays." _I never knew that. While I stood there, the first time, and whined like a child…how many more died each time I wasted time getting out there to kill them? Each time I didn't take this seriously?_ "What are you looking for, Tokita-san? Glory? Fame? _Profit_? I'm here today because the bastard I call father ordered me here. Otherwise, you're right. I'd be studying. I'd be in class, learning. I'd be praying that I never had to enter Unit-01 again." A third thunderclap echoed through the room, "But there's no other way to defeat an A.T. Field except sitting my worthless body in that seat, and I will be cold and dead in the ground before I risk another human life because of idiotic or misguided pride. I am Shinji Ikari, the pilot of Unit-01. I am the only defense humanity has, and I _refuse_ to fail them." Turning, he handed the microphone back to the attendant, "Thank you, miss. I appreciate the opportunity to speak."

The younger woman blushed prettily, bowing slightly, "Y-you're welcome, Mister Ikari."

He looked down to Ritsuko, "I'll be in Unit-01. I'm done listening to people that would mock something as basic as an A.T. Field." Storming out of the room, the occasional thunderclap accompanying his exit, he tried to control his rage.

Once he reached the hallway, he realized he hadn't exited alone. "You know, I don't know that the General understands why they call you Paladin," Idunn easily kept pace with him. "Or at least, he didn't. You meant what you said, didn't you?"

"I hate it, Idunn-san." He continued to tamp down the anger, "Going out, everything that happens to Unit-01, happens to me. Every scratch, every puncture, every burn and scrape and electric shock. I've been lit on fire, electrocuted, burnt with a laser beam or whatever the hell that was…but there is _nothing_ else that works. An N-Two mine, dropped right on the Third Angel, bought us an hour. And the Fourth Angel was even more dangerous. The Fifth Angel probably would have shot the mine out of the air before it landed!" _That's not even getting into the Angels to come._ Shoving the doors open, he walked out into the driving rain, "If the strongest weapons the military possesses can't even come close to killing these things," spinning around he threw his arm out towards Unit-01, "then this is it!" Dropping his arm back, he jammed his thumb into his chest, "I am _it_. If Jet Alone stood a chance, I'd happily let them win. But they don't even take the most basic defense the Angels have seriously, and I can't let them waste however many bajillions of Yen we desperately need to use to feed people on something that would spread radioactive death when it was incinerated in a…what did she call it," he frowned as he recalled what Misato had said, "an attempt at a Pyrrhic Victory. It would give cancer, or just kill, all of the students that look up to me at my school. It would kill everyone, and that's if the Angel didn't just kill them all first."

"I'm sold," Idunn shrugged, "you don't have to convince me of anything. Let's go get you into your giant killer robot."

+++++ 5th Angel + 4 : Tuesday (33)

"They make you wear that?" Idunn looked dubiously at the young pilot in his plugsuit, "This isn't just for…I don't know, intimidation?"

Shinji sighed, "It has to do with synchronization. If I don't wear this, I can't make Unit-01 react as quickly. If I was completely naked, I'd have an even better rate, but with this I'm good enough that it acts as I think." Looking down at himself, he frowned, "Before I changed…the suit was different. It was after I changed that the suit…was improved."

Idunn fell in beside him as he walked to the ladder that would take him up to the entry plug, "Improved how?"

"Ritsuko-san had a theory that piloting nude would improve the synchronization to its limit," he explained slowly. "I…didn't want to test that theory, but then I had the accident in the L-Nine, and she got a lot of data as she tried to find out what happened." Reaching the ladder, his eyes became unfocused, "It was just after the Fourth Angel that…."

Idunn's tone was encouraging, "That what?"

"Things changed," shaking off the fugue, he went to climb the ladder. "I need to hurry, I want to get home. Away from…."

"Shinji," the tall redhead grabbed his elbow, "away from what?"

"N-nothing," pulling gently on his arm, he began to climb again. "You should get clear, I wouldn't want to have something land on you accidentally. It can be hard to see humans from up there." Reaching the end of the ladder, he typed in the password to extend the entry plug. It was awkward, reorienting himself to Unit-01's position on its stomach, and even more ungainly once he climbed into the cockpit and ordered it to insert.

As he sat on the ceiling of the chamber, he waited for the LCL to finish pouring in. Slowly typing in the commands to power the initial connection, the inverted view causing him to question every keystroke, he felt the tingle grow far stronger than it usually had. _Probably because I was angry._ He sighed, swinging so that he held himself in the seat. Once he was in place, he tapped the button to set the A-10 connection. Unit-01's consciousness surged through him like wildfire. It was as if he had swelled into immensity, the Eva itself no longer a machine he piloted but a suit of armor he wore. Climbing to his feet, he cautiously avoided damaging anything around him. He was a titan. He was unstoppable. He was….

 _Free._

The single word had an odd duality to it, as if both the dark and gentle beings had spoken the way Rina and Hina tended to.

 _Shinji, caution._

He spoke, his voice tearing the air itself apart, "I…where have you-"

 _Think, do not speak. She watches._

He blinked, looking around, _Why don't you use pronouns? I can't understand who you mean if you're constantly leaving things this stupidly vague!_

 _Focus._ He felt his attention pulled to the distance, _Trust, Shinji. She wiles the mind, controls the body. It is not you._

Moving through the trees surrounding the overly large field, Jet Alone came into view.

 _I can fight this and talk to you at the same time. This isn't hard._ He waited for a response while he plugged the Eva into the provided umbilical, his scowl deepening as he realized that the voices had once more fled. "Of course. Nobody bothers to explain anything to the pilots." The roll of thunder seemed to sound its agreement, "Let's get this over with."

Moving to the opposing side of the field, he waited for a signal. The petty irritations beginning to drift away as he accepted that life simply wouldn't ever be fair to him. The giant robot looked just as ridiculous as he remembered, the odd pillars standing out of its body, the pincers for hands, everything appearing unfinished. It was as if someone had taken a child's drawing of what a manga artist sketched on a napkin and stretched it out into real life.

"How does that thing even walk?" Recalling the lesson on the Square-Cube law, Shinji pondered how he moved under those physical constraints, "How do I?" Crouching down, he began to write out the formulas he could recall into the soggy turf using Unit-01's finger. The forces were enormous, and he had to use estimates, but he began to gain a decent understanding of exactly how impossible the whole matter should be. "I shouldn't be able to walk without breaking my legs off, this doesn't even make sense. I should clearly collapse under my own weight." Each equation fed him greater clarity and calm. Existing as a giant provided him perspective that he was surprised to find himself easily accepting, it was as if he'd come home.

A shadow passing over one of the equations brought his attention back to the fore; Jet Alone was trying without any success to pass through the A.T. Field he'd extended subconsciously into a hemisphere around himself. Clawing desperately against a barrier it couldn't even visualize, the three operators had set the machine an impossible task.

Shaking his head sadly, Shinji stood up and reached forward with one enormous hand to grasp the joining of the arm to the body of the doomed drone. Tearing it off was far easier than anything he'd done in the engagement against the last three Angels. Carefully inspecting his victim to make sure he hadn't punctured the torso, he tossed the limb aside and replicated the act on the leg of the same side, toppling it over.

Once all four limbs were gone, he picked the torso up and carried it over towards the cargo train it had been delivered upon. Setting it down on the ground, he looked down at the shocked engineers, "Is here ok? This is very dangerous, and I don't want you to have to do anything the hard way if I can help you by setting it somewhere else."

Distantly, he heard the closest man laugh in disbelief, "If you wouldn't mind turning it so it's on the belly, sir."

"Of course," Shinji scooped up the body and inverted it as he'd been asked to. "Like this?"

"Thank you," the man pulled his hard hat off and scratched his head, "never stood a chance, did it?"

"I'm very sorry if this means you've lost a job," Shinji bowed politely. "But I can't risk everyone's lives by pretending to be weaker than I am." Righting himself, he looked back over his shoulder, "Do you need the limbs here too?"

"No, no, they'll want to look at those where you left them. Scrubbing the reactor's the dangerous part, you've helped where you can, sir." The man waved, patting his hat back into place, "Let us do our part, now."

"Please be careful, you all have people that need you safe and sound." Bowing again, Shinji turned and moved back towards the train. Picking his way around any obstacle in his path, he looped his power umbilical as if it were a length of rope to prevent it from crushing anything. Once he was certain he was clear, he ejected the end from his back, setting it down atop the orderly coil. Laying back down on the train proved easier than standing, and after he had his own limbs back in place, he stopped to consider a problem he'd never had.

 _How do I disconnect?_ Without the cockpit around him, he couldn't see the control yoke. Without the control yoke, he didn't know where the dash was. Without the dashboard, there were no keys to press to separate himself from the Eva. A small part of him wanted to panic, but that instinct was overridden by the unexpected quiet he'd found. The peace he felt, the oneness, was beyond his ability to describe. There was no pain, no anxiety, nothing but purpose and-

In the span of an eyeblink, he was back on the roof of the entry plug, upside-down and on his back. Fighting off a wave of dizziness as the perspective shift lathered him in vertigo, he rolled over and crawled to the dashboard. Three keystrokes revoked the A-10 connection, and soon after the base nerve connections. As the plug began to drain of LCL, Shinji struggled not to vomit. When it ejected from the Eva's neck, it took him five attempts to get to the exit, falling over repeatedly.

Reaching the exterior of Unit-01, he set the plug to reinserting and just laid back on the flat surface once everything had settled into place. _What the hell happened?_ His heart was hammering, but there wasn't the accompanying sense of dread that he expected. He knew what a panic attack was, having had more than one in his life, and everything was as it often had to be…save for the 'panic' part. The peace was lingering, despite his body acting like he'd never learned to crawl, let alone walk, in his life. Deciding that for the moment, he could leave well enough alone, he closed his eyes and savored the breeze flowing across him. _I don't need to know everything, I guess. This is just…one of those things. It'll be better when I have Misato and…Maya._ He sighed at the oddness he'd feel at working with the woman now.

"You normally take a nap after combat?" Idunn's voice carried up to him, "Not the strangest habit I've seen, but I didn't take you for one to linger."

Shinji smirked, "I'd take a shower, but I'm covered in LCL and it's incredibly slick. The ladder's wet from the rain, and I doubt that the hospital here is so nice that I want to risk breaking something just to visit it." _Where did_ that _come from?_ Shocked at the glibness of his response, he held his tongue to prevent further rudeness.

"Good call," she laughed. "I wouldn't have thought of that. Anything I can do to help?"

Shinji thought for a minute, "Some towels would be nice. Maybe a bathrobe of some kind."

"Coming right up," he heard her hurrying away, the metal bits on her boots clacking against the pavement as she jogged off.

"I should apologize." Feeling well enough to try sitting up, Shinji's head wobbled as it continued to argue against the reality of his existence. "I hope this isn't going to happen every time, now. I'll end up killing myself in the shower… _is everything going to remind me of Maya now?_ " Snarling, he reached up and yanked the hairband from around his ponytail and launched it off into the distance, "Damn it…." The low rumble of Thunder was in his blood, breaking through the serenity he'd built up.

"Shinji, dear," he heard the beginnings of Ritsuko's familiar song. "You shouldn't sit out in the rain. You'll catch cold."

His neck tightened, _I'll ride home up here before I go back into that room with you._

"Are you not feeling well?" Her voice darkened as he continued to ignore her, "Should I call the Commander?"

 _And now there's this._ Shinji wanted to climb back into Unit-01, to see if he could recreate the calm he'd been gifted so fleetingly. _Rei told me I had everything I needed to win, so what do I do? I can't just be angry, she'll tell_ him _everything. I can't be calm, because then whatever that stupid music is will lull me into her arms._ Standing, his balance granting him enough stability to not topple over, he glared down silently at his tormentor, her umbrella canted to allow her to look up at him.

"That was quite the performance, more dramatic than just crushing it into salvage." Her smile was eager, hungry, "Nobody inside seems to be in a rush to speak with you right now. I'd say more than a few are too terrified that you might replicate what you did to their toy."

He felt the rain soaking his hair, sloughing off the LCL. The wind shifting it around, playing with it like Kodama tended to. _I could crush them. I could crush_ her _. But all that would do is…is make me into my father._ Looking away from the source of his ire, he instead observed the crest of the horizon. Looking to the south and west, towards… _home? Is it, anymore? There's so much there._

' _Hurry home, Sweetie.'_

He nodded, looking back down to the train, _Whatever they are, whatever that place is, they need me. I made a promise._

"Excuse me, Doctor," Idunn's voice drew his attention towards the ladder as she climbed up.

"You are not cleared to come into direct contact with Unit-01, Miss Haraldson," Ritsuko declared icily.

"In emergency situations, or when there's a clear threat to a friendly pilot, any UN official is authorized to immediately render any aid possible to reduce or remove the danger to said pilot. UNLOAC thirteen dash eight, subsection III paragraph four, line three." Idunn crested the top, reaching under her jacket to pull out a towel, "Slipping off the ladder and breaking your neck because your Commander's assigned dignitary failed to plan for a way to get you back down is a very clear threat, isn't it?"

Shinji struggled not to grin, the woman before him having read the situation perfectly. _Not every snake is venomous._ "Thank you, Idunn-san." Wiping his face and hair off, he used the towel until it was too saturated with LCL to be of further use, carefully setting it aside as he noticed the tall redhead pull out another towel for him, "Thank you, again."

"One thanks is enough, Shinji. That stuff really clings to you, doesn't it?" She eyed the towel, "And you breathe it? That has to be terrible every time you get out, coughing it all out of your lungs."

"You get used to it," sloughing the gunk off his arms and upper torso, he added the towel to the other. "It's breathe the LCL or have an exposed link to the outside for air. What if the Angel had viral weapons? Or like Jet Alone-san, it could become radioactive. The benefits outweigh the discomforts," he sighed, taking the next in the series of towels, "and as hard as life can be…I'd rather have a longer one."

"What's hard, Shinji?" Idunn kept her voice lowered, "Talk to me."

"I…I can't," _If I start telling her what's happening, Ritsuko will retaliate. If I tell her about the surveillance, they'll just make life hard for the Horaki family._ He sighed, _I remember when the biggest concern I had was telling Hikari that I'd travelled back in time…a few days ago._ "I'm sorry," standing tall, he bowed. "Thank you for bring me the towels. I think I can manage the ladder, now."

He could see her eyes scrutinizing him, analyzing his every movement. "Ok, I'll go first. My boots are more stable, and I can knock off some of the water on my way down." Watching as she climbed down the ladder, worried that she might hurt herself for having decided to help him, his eyebrows knit together as he saw her whisper something to Ritsuko. The bottle-blonde smirked, waving off whatever it was.

His own trip down the ladder was slow, more due to the music from his antagonist growing as he descended than out of any abundance of caution with the LCL-soaked towels he brought down with him. Reaching the platform, he looked to Idunn, "Is there a shower somewhere in the conference hall? I'd-"

"Oh, you can just use the executive cabin, Shinji," Ritsuko interjected warmly. "The shower in there is rated to handle…thicker fluids." Moving to draw him towards the car, she brushed past the tall redheaded UN official, "You should stand clear, Miss Haraldson. The magnetic clamps are rather powerful, and I'll be turning them on shortly."

Shinji let his head droop slightly, resignation and anger filling him with shame. Silently attempting to draw away from the doctor, to at least walk towards the room on his own terms, he bit down on his tongue when she countered the motion instantly. _I don't even get to use pain to distract myself. How badly do I need to hurt myself to feel anything, anymore? It's just one thing after another._ A crack of thunder caused him to turn as he went to enter the train, "You should get inside, Idunn-san. It's not safe to be this close to a giant hunk of metal in a storm."

Walking into the cabin, he set the towels in the garbage, not wanting to trail the liquid throughout the room. _Lot of good that's going to do, I'm not really clean myself._ The chamber that held the combination water closet and shower facility was joined to the main entrance by tiled floors, _at least I'm not going to make a complete mess of carpeting._ Crossing over, he slid the door open and checked to see if there were robes, or at least larger towels. _I don't want to take my bag in, I'll ruin the note with the steam. I need it to be legible…to at least remember her by._

"Oh, Shinji," Ritsuko's voice carried into the room behind him. "You were so…powerful." As he reached to close the door he saw her taking off her outer coat. Noticing him, she winked, "I'll be in, in just a second. You go ahead and get started."

Pulling the door shut, he felt for any way to lock it. _Of course it wouldn't have a lock. Why would it have a lock? It's not like the people that use this cabin need to fear for anything. It's just people like my father, the people that_ cause _fear._ Clenching his fists, he fought to control his breathing. _I can't hit her. I can't hit her. I can't hit her._ Spinning around, he ran over to start the shower. _If I hurry, she won't have time to do anything. I can just shower, and then walk along the train. It won't be the first time I've been rained on._ Stepping under the still-cold water, he left his plugsuit on to work as much of the LCL off his body as he could before removing it.

A few seconds later, the door opened, "We'll be a little late in leaving, Shinji." Ritsuko's voice was sonorous in the enclosed space, "The train's running some diagnostics, and I'd rather not be stuck in the middle of nowhere with it glitching." Her arms encircled him, "Do you like the feel of the plugsuit, Shinji? How it entraps you?"

Feeling what could only be her breasts pressing against his back, Shinji shuddered as a welter of confused and confusing impulses raced along his mind. "Y-you shouldn't be in here, Ritsuko. I-I'm…."

"It's nothing I haven't seen before," her hands slowly trailed down his front. "Nothing I haven't _felt_ before."

Reaching down to grip her wrists before she could arrive at her destination, Shinji felt his face twitch as he struggled against the urge to run away, or hurt her. "This isn't you, Ritsuko. P-please, you know you'll regret doing anything with me. S-something's changed in you, like it changed me. We need to work together, we need-" The pressurization on his plugsuit dropped as Ritsuko pressed the button on his wrist control.

"We do need to work together, Shinji." Separating so that the material could finish drooping, she stepped around to before him, her full glory on display as she let the water fall over her shoulders, "That's why I want to do this, so that we can become even closer. So that a part of you will always live on inside of me." Her eyes glittered, "A rather large part, I see."

"Ritsuko, no," Shinji tried to step back, slipping on the wet floor and the loose material of his plugsuit. As he struck the floor with the back of his head, he briefly wished that there was still a chance he felt pain. At least that might have helped him stop the traitorous reactions of his own body.

Sitting astride him, her actions far faster than he had been prepared for, Ritsuko cooed at him, "Ohhh, you have to be careful Shinji. Too many people die in bathrooms because they don't exercise due caution." Slowly laying down atop him, she grinned, "We'll have to keep you steady for a bit, for observation. Don't want anything _bad_ to happen." Shifting her hips slightly, she reached down for him, "You let me handle everything. Believe me, it's a lot of fun."

His eyes clenched shut, _No._

Just as he felt a sickening warmth touch him, a new voice echoed throughout the room, "Stop what you're doing right now you _motbydelig heks_!"

The sound of heavy boots approaching caused him to shift away, his sense of caution still preventing him from moving in a way that might injure the woman about to assault him. The weight of her body was lifted roughly free of him, allowing him to roll on his side and curl into a ball. _There are people here. They saw. They saw everything._

Over the violent protests of NERV's Chief Scientist, he heard a calm voice speaking to him. "Shinji," the familiar voice sounded close to his head as the water shut off and a blanket was thrown over him, "it's me, it's Idunn."

He couldn't look. If he looked, he'd know they'd seen.

"Get her out of here." Idunn's tone of command rivaled Misato's, "Let's get him to the bedroom. Lao, Nguyen, I want her taken to the trailer and put in an interrogation room. Suicide watch." He felt himself being gently lifted, and before he could help himself he began to struggle against the hands cradling him, "No, no, Shinji. Please, no, it's ok. It's me," he was returned to his knees, and strong, warm, hands touched his face until he opened his eyes. "See? It's me. I'm here. You're going to catch cold, and we need to get you somewhere warm and dry. If you think you can walk, let us help you. But we don't mind carrying you there, if you're not feeling steady."

"Hello Mister Ikari," a new, masculine, voice sounded from a respectful distance. Close enough to be comforting, but not as close as Idunn. "My name is George Stillson. Idunn tells me that you've been having a tough time lately." He waited a few seconds, patiently hoping that he'd get a response.

A protesting shriek from Ritsuko as the two officers hauled her out of the train cabin caused Shinji to curl away.

"It's ok," Idunn's touch on his back was light and soothing, "it's ok. She's not going to get loose, you're safe."

"N-no I'm not," it was too much. It was all far too much for him to handle anymore, "He's going to find out. He's going to punish me…he's going to punish them for what I did."

Idunn combed her fingers through his hair, moving the sopping strands away from his eyes, "Who, Shinji? Who do you mean by 'he'?"

The irony of the question caused him to chortle, his nerves finally frayed to the point of collapse. Unable to prevent himself from laughing, he began to cry tears of frustration and terror. He was alone. He'd finally done it, he'd finally driven everyone away from him.

Hikari's voice came unbidden, ' _I'm doing the best I can with no stars to guide me.'_

"I'm sorry," he sobbed. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Idunn and George lifted him, his struggles too feeble to truly prove a barrier to their action. Floating along, no longer in control of himself, his anxiety spiked as he saw the bed. Memories of Ritsuko laying there filling his mind. "N-no, nonono."

"Shhh, she's not here," setting him down, Idunn ran over to open the curtains so that the room had more light. "She's not here, it's just us. You're safe."

"Mister Ikari," George crouched by the bed, his voice moderated to a comforting neutrality, "I need to ask you one really important question, and then we can help you better. Please, all I need to know right now, is who this 'he' is."

"I-it's too late." Shinji shivered, "He knows. He'll have people who know. He's always watching. He's going to punish them."

"Who, Shinji?" Idunn came back, sitting on the edge of the bed and projecting warmth, "Just tell us their name."

"I-Ikari," he shook his head. "G-Gendo Ikari."

"Jesus wept," George whispered. Standing up, he looked between the door and Idunn, "Protocol-"

"Protocol can suck hind tit, Stillson. My brother risked everything to pass me this intel, _nothing_ is touching this poor man until we can get a full security team in place. Go get General Benoit, brief him on what we know. Thor's inbound with Captain Minders, they'll be here in a few minutes. Shinji knows them, and he'll trust them a lot more than he'll trust some random UN officers transporting him anywhere. I'll hold this point, go."

He frowned, "I'm leaving Dinsmore and Fong. Three people is better than one, you know that."

"Fine, fine. Go, but tell them to stay out. This has to get beyond us, just in case." Turning back to Shinji, she ended the conversation with her partner, "You're wrong, Shinji. You'll see. We'll keep you safe," lightly stroking his upper arm, she kept her hands where he could see them and her motions slow and gentle, "we'll keep whoever you're worried about safe. We've been watching you for some time, and I'm so very proud of you."

 _Not the ending we hoped for,_ the dark voice whispered in his mind. _She might still cause some problems._

 _It is_ an _ending. It does not have to be the last, and you know well it is not the first._ The gentle whisper seemed to stroke his mind with a feathery touch, _Her reach is long, and where this limb has been trimmed, others will yet attempt to cause problems._

 _You've done…acceptably, Shinji._ The dark whisper stated with a hint of pride, _You live to fight another day. We are sorry for what we cannot do, her presence diminishes our own, and the closer she is the weaker we become._

"Wh-who?" Shinji winced as he realized he'd spoken aloud.

"That's right," Idunn smiled sadly, "you don't know who I am. He probably just introduced himself as 'Vidar', though knowing him it was probably Raffle that did the introductions. Thor Haraldson, 'Vidar', is my brother. He's spoken highly of you, Shinji. It was because of him and Captain Minders that my team showed up today."

 _We don't have names, Shinji._ The dark voice became reprimanding, _We've told you that. Your humanity forces identity upon you, and without identity you feel meaningless. We're not bound by that conceit, nor is she. Asking us 'who' she is would be like asking you to name a particular grain of sand upon a beach full of them. It carries no meaning to the sand, and will not outlive you._

Taking Shinji's silence for contemplation, Idunn sighed, "I'm sorry I couldn't act sooner, Shinji. I am so terribly sorry. As…disgusting as it is, flirting with you isn't against any laws. It's unethical, but it wouldn't amount to anything actionable. Sexual assault, however, that we can nail her to the wall with. It's…not going to undo what you've had to suffer through, I know…."

"She's changed," _I need to salvage what I can._ "The…the L-Nine. What I was exposed to that turned me into this…this freak."

"Shinji," Idunn began to comfort him, stopping when he raised his hand for patience.

He swallowed, trying to keep his thoughts orderly, "She's been affected by it. It corrupted me, made me…made me so that women…."

"I don't think that's true, Shinji," Idunn smiled sadly. "Yes, you're a handsome man. You're also kind to a fault. But I'm very much a woman, and I'm not throwing myself at you, am I?"

"N-no," he shook his head, "s-someone told me that I was a pig for thinking that. But…before I changed, nobody acted like this." _Before I came back, nobody even noticed I existed._

"Well, I can't say that I agree with you being a pig, either. You're not used to being propositioned, and from what I've read of your file, I'm guessing your time in Nagano didn't really prepare you for dealing with women." She sighed, "Certainly not predatory women. Shinji," she reached up and combed his hair again, "what Ritsuko did isn't your fault. If it's true that this, whatever you called it, changed her? Then that's what is to blame. Not you."

"Christ alive," Raffle's voice drew both of their eyes to the door, "when it rains it bloody well pours with you, dunnit?" Hurrying to the bed, she threw herself over Shinji, pulling him close and holding him tightly, "Boyo, you've just been through Hell and I hate myself for having to kick you in the teeth now that you've seen the devil."

"Noelle," Idunn chided, "he's-"

"He's my fuckin' wingman, Idi." Raffle glared over her shoulder, "He knows me, and he damn well knows I'll kill that bitch if I see her in the same city as him again." Looking back down to him, he could see tears in her eyes, "Oh, Pally, your Light needs you at your best. I know it's not fair, and you have to know that we'll be there for and with you, but we need to get you home. We need to."

Shinji saw Vidar leaning down to whisper in his sister's ear. Her eyes going wide, she covered her gasp with both hands, "No. Oh, mercy, no…."

Raffle held his cheeks, bracing herself to be the bearer of bad news, "Toshiro Horaki…died last night. Drunk driver, he…the foolish man saw a young girl in the path of a damn drunk driver and he did exactly what you did at the train. He just…he's not as fast as you."

Shinji stopped seeing anything. He hadn't seen Toshiro for…. Had this happened? Had Hikari just been very good at hiding it? _...No. She mentioned to Asuka that her father needed her home._ "I'm responsible." _The changes in everything, if I hadn't come back._ "I…I need to get there. I need to apologize." Making to stand, he felt Raffle put all of her weight against him, "I-I need to go, Raffle-san."

"Not jaybird free and mad as a hatter, you don't," she scoffed. "I don't know what you think you mean by you being responsible for the actions of a drunken fool in a city you've never seen, but I do know that you can't just up and claim responsibility for the world." Looking over her shoulder, she barked orders, "Vidar, find the man his clothes. Idi, am I going to have to fight my way out of here with him?"

"It's not that I'm unsympathetic, Noelle, but he's not only a witness to a series of criminal acts he's also the victim of them. If we take him back to Tokyo-3 right now, we're just feeding him to the wolves." The tall redhead, her similarities to her brother shining through now that he saw them near one another, stood and paced the room. "Give me a few minutes, I'll ask General Benoit. Maybe we can work…there has to be a way. I swear," she looked between her brother, as he returned with Shinji's bag, and Raffle, "if you try to steal him my men _will_ arrest you. Work with me," her eyes dropped to Shinji, "I swear I'll do everything I can."

Accepting his bag from Vidar as Idunn ran off, Shinji sat still for a few moments, trying to piece his world together again.

"If it helps," Vidar's quiet voice touched the edge of his awareness, "Captains Ibuki and Katsuragi are there. The two of them are giving what solace they can to your family. Paladin," he crouched, patting Shinji's shoulder until he looked at him, "we're with you. This is a challenge no one should ever have to face, but you do not face it alone. When you're ready, when your family is asleep and the night is still, we'll be there for you. We'll toast in his honor, we'll listen to your story of the day's horrors, and we'll weep together for what has been."

"You know we will," Raffle nodded eagerly. "You're not alone."

 _You're not alone._ Kodama's voice sounded in his mind, _You're not._

"Is…is Hikari happy with Maya?" He looked between the pilots, "They…I saw…."

"She's been inconsolable," Noelle turned her back to allow him to dress in private. "Ibuki's spent most of her time with little Nozomi, Kodama's been handling the paperwork with the aid of that willowy lady, Suzuki?"

"Suzuka," Shinji frowned. "I…I don't think…." Digging through his bag, he began to dress, "The house has been…I'm sorry." He paused, letting his head fall back, "I'm a horrible person, Minders-san. Ritsuko showed me a video feed of inside the Horaki home. I…I saw Maya and Hikari kissing. I've been…I don't know…."

"Kissing?" Raffle turned, not really caring if she saw Shinji dressing, "I don't think you saw what you think you saw." Her lip curled in revulsion, "Fucking Commander, spying on his own son. Spying on a house full of women. No, Paladin, you're not disgusting. He's disgusting."

"My friend," Vidar helped Shinji straighten out his boxers, "Captain Ibuki has been acting more akin to a mother for Nozomi than a lover to Hikari. It has been Captain Katsuragi that has been consoling your Light. Several times I heard her personally reassure her that you would be back soon, I myself told her that we were only waiting for flight clearance." He grinned apologetically, "Your neighbors may be somewhat upset for a time, our Osprey blocked the street off while we waited for clearance to come acquire you."

"Did you see their lips? It might have been that she was just seeking comfort from a good person," Raffle rubbed the side of her head. "I mean, I know that Ibuki likes women, but I really didn't see anything that would even speak to guilt, let alone actual lust. She's got a conscience, that one. She'd be throwing off signals left, right, and center if she'd snaked your Light."

Sliding into his pants, Shinji stood up, "I don't know. I don't know what I saw, I don't know anything." Holding his shirt, he sat down heavily, "I-I can't do this to her," his arms went slack, his shirt pooling across his legs, "she deserves someone better. Someone who doesn't bring all of this…this…."

"She deserves you," Vidar gripped his shoulder tightly. "You bring her joy, even if life delights in showering you both with pain."

"I know you're having a hard time trusting anyone right now, Pally," Raffle took his other shoulder, "but you're one of us. And we're all Damned."

"God's teeth, son," General Benoit's voice filled the room, "I would curse the woman that bore your twisted father were it not for the fact that it led to you." Vidar stood, moving aside so that the man could approach, "You're needed elsewhere, so I'll make this brief. You remember when I said that you'd be surprised what a High School student could do?"

"Y-yes," Shinji blinked, too stunned by the man's anger to do more than answer simply.

"I need you to testify before a board of inquiry, son." The stocky officer held his hand out as a knife, "I've been hunting for evidence of corruption in the UN, NERV, and in an organization known as SEELE for years now. The men and women I'm hunting murder people for sport, they are the worst abusers of power in history, and they control far too much power in the UN for my liking."

"I…I can't leave Tokyo-3. If an Angel attacks," Shinji shook his head, "I'm the only functional pilot right now."

"You won't need to," Idunn offered. "We'll bring the recorders here. We'll make sure to set it at a time that won't cost you too much sleep, and we'll make sure that you're protected."

"Nobody can protect me," he laughed in disbelief, "it's what I've been trying to tell you all. What if they killed Toshiro because they found out that I called the Shirakami about the cameras. What if I'm the reason that he's dead? They can't kill me, they need me to beat the Angels…but they can kill everyone I love."

"Son, I already have my agents crawling all over that city," the General crouched down on his haunches, understanding what Shinji was worried over. "I respect that you don't fear for yourself, you've earned your handle. I will find the man that killed your friend, and if I find out that he was an assassin, I will find the man who hired him. We cannot protect the world if we allow monsters to roam its streets, Paladin. Help me do my job, and I swear on my mother's grave I will protect your family."

"We could position agents with Section Two, sir," Idunn offered. "I'll volunteer for reassignment myself. He knows me, if I take lead then it'll ease his mind."

"Would that do it?" He looked to Shinji, "Twelve agents, two for each of the ladies in your house day and night, unblinking protection. Special Agent Haraldson would be your right hand, she'd have charge over the distribution, any changes in assignments, and you would have her total attention if there was anything you were worried over." Balling his hands into a giant fist, he held them before Shinji, "You are our shield, Paladin. You protect the world, I swear we will protect _your_ world."

"We're not going to let the Commander get away with this, Pally," Raffle sat next to him, rubbing the back of his neck. "If he'd allowed someone to come with you, that bitch wouldn't have had the chance she did. We all offered, we were all turned down."

"It's why I contacted my little sister," Vidar added. "She has a habit of being in the right place at the right time."

"He's going to pay, Shinji," Idunn stressed. "He violated too many laws in monitoring a private dwelling, in ordering you to engage in blood sport, his actions are not in keeping with the trust his position requires. You are not in any trouble for bringing his actions to light, in fact we're going to be filing paperwork to recognize you for your bravery."

"You say yes, and I'll release you right now. I'll send enough agents to secure your home, and I will personally screen the remainder. I only brought people I trust with my life, Shinji. They'll lay down their lives to do what's right." General Benoit stood straight, "These are not the only reassurances I'll provide, Paladin. Idunn will pass on any requests, and if they make sense and I can make them happen I will. Your continued support will be absolutely vital in ridding the world of evil, and the Benoit Family will never turn its back on a champion of God."

Seeing Shinji seriously considering the offer, Raffle added the final touch, "He doesn't seem like a bad egg, Shinji." She leaned in and stage whispered, "For a Frenchie."

"God save us from the British," the General looked to the sky.

"I thought that was the Finns," Vidar looked to Idunn.

"Could we please not minimize the trauma Shinji's going through with mindless banter?" The redhead looked to the man she was begging for help, "Please, Shinji. I know we have just met, but I have made it my life's work to protect the people I love. Thor tells me you feel the same way, and I trust him more than anyone else on Earth. Work with us to protect a world that can't protect itself, please."

"Sakura Suzuhara," Shinji's body quaked as his nerves overran his sense of control. "R-Ritsuko was working with a doctor named Sae Hatano to help her walk again. She's a dear friend of Nozomi-chan, and people know that I care about her."

"Writing that down," Idunn pulled out a notepad and scrawled the information, "Sae Hatano. Sakura Suzuhara. Got it."

"You're doing God's work, son," General Benoit clenched his fist in approval. "Pilots, which of you could come with me so I can introduce you to the agents I'm dispatching? Nobody else is to be allowed onboard, not even Christ himself."

"I will," Vidar nodded to Shinji. "My friend here is far more comfortable around women, even with present circumstances included."

"I'll helicopter, sir." Idunn moved to the window, "He won't be out of sight."

"Let's get your shirt on," Raffle took the cloth from his lap. "It's cold up in the sky, and while you might not feel pain, you will still end up with windburn."

Shinji floated along, listening to Raffle's gentle commands. Between her and Idunn, they managed to comb through everything in the cabin twice making certain he hadn't left anything. Reaching into his backpack as he sat on the bed, he grabbed the note Hikari had left him. Considering it for a moment, he addressed the tall redhead as Raffle went out into the main chamber for another search, "M-ma'am?"

"Shinji, please, if we are going to work together just call me Idunn. Or Idi, either's fine. I know that the Japanese breathe formality, but I work for you now. You will basically be my boss, and that means that if anything, _I_ call _you_ 'sir'." She crouched down near him, keeping a comfortable distance, "Now, what can I do for you?"

He hesitated, then extended the note, "Would you read this?" He couldn't make eye contact, not trusting himself to carry through with what he intended. "N-Noelle-san is biased, and while she means well…I…I just want to know if this is something you'd write someone to say goodbye."

Idunn nodded slowly, gently taking the folded paper. Opening it and pursing her lips as she concentrated on translating the note, her smile grew as she read on. Finishing it, she closed it back up and pressed it into his hands, "No, Shinji. That's the kind of note you give someone you'd spend forever with." She bent so that she was in his line of sight, "You're a good man, Shinji. Far too many men would have jumped at what that heks tried to do to you, even though they were already committed to someone." Settling back now that she had his attention, she pressed on, "I don't know what you've seen, or what you've experienced that would make you doubt the lady that wrote this for you, but let's get you home to her. Listen to _her_ , Shinji, not to other women that haven't hiked through the forests she has."

"Liten Eple," Vidar called from the door, "we're ready. Does Paladin have everything?"

"Everything and more," Idunn offered Shinji a hand to his feet. "Let's get him home to this 'Light' you tell me about, I want to meet the woman who's earned such devotion from a good and solid man."


	33. Chapter 33

+++++ 5th Angel + 4 : Tuesday (33)

"Ladies and gentlemen," General Benoit stood at the side of the plane, looking amongst the people he'd be sending to secure the area, "sitting in that chair right there," he gestured with an open hand to Shinji, "is a man that has no peers. He has been beaten, battered, and buffeted by horrors both human and alien. He fears nothing save that those he loves will come to harm. Your job is to make certain he fears _nothing_. To that end I am authorizing a blank check. On my orders, as of thirteen hundred local time any action deemed necessary by Special Agent Idunn Haraldson is to be carried out by any means necessary to maintain security of the Horaki family and any additional listed personnel. Questions?"

"What about conflicts with local forces?" A woman armed with a PDW asked tersely.

"Haraldson will deconflict, in a pinch your orders supersede theirs," the stocky man nodded to Raffle as she climbed on board the Osprey after completing the pre-flight inspection. "There are some known friendly forces, two faces you should recognize at least. Additionally, an organization known as the 'Shirakami' is a major player in the AO, they are fiercely loyal to the Horaki family and have taken a shine to Paladin himself, play nice with them."

Another nearby man eyed Shinji briefly, "We're flying into a funeral, boss. Permission to pass the hat around?"

"Granted. Toshiro Horaki was a good man who earned the respect of his peers, and we will honor his good works and his memory," reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a billfold and extracted two hundred US dollars to hand to the speaker. "This assignment will be long, folks. Even after we nail these bastards to a tree they don't deserve to decorate, there will be potential reprisals." He looked around at each person assembled, "He holds the world in his hands, we will fortify his grasp. His loved ones are now our loved ones. Get it done."

The crew chorused, "Yes, sir!"

Shinji watched as the man helped Idunn slide the door shut, securing everything in place. The tall red-head pulled her headgear on, speaking into the microphone, "Vi er klare, bror!" Vidar raised his thumb in recognition, and she took her place in front of Shinji in the opposing seat. Reaching down into her bag, she pulled out a granola bar and handed it towards him, "Eat."

He took the offered food mechanically, his hand far steadier than his mind, "Thank you." Unwrapping the bar, he took a small bite and chewed slowly. _How do I comfort them? What can I say that would even begin to touch what they must be feeling? Why would Ritsuko do that?_ He scowled, _Stop. You're not the one that matters right now._

"It's nothing," she smiled softly. "Those engineers fed that monster you pilot before taking the train, it's only right that someone feeds you before we take you home." Pulling out a roll of money, she passed some Yen over to the man collecting, "You likely didn't know, but Toshiro Horaki served as a local asset for the UNIGC. I can't get into much of what he did, but I will tell you that you're not alone in grieving for him. Any loss is felt, and the loss of someone willing to fight for human dignity is felt all the more."

Nodding, to indicate that he'd heard what she said, he continued to slowly work on the food. He wasn't hungry, he didn't even know what hunger felt like anymore, only eating out of habit or social obligation. _Have they been eating? It's my fault if they haven't. They were up at the hospital all the time with me, again. I should make sure Rei-san's ok. If…._ Closing his eyes, he tried to force himself to focus.

"What's going through your mind, Shinji?" Idunn's voice drew his eyes back up to her, "We're here to help. Nobody's expecting you to do this solo."

Everything _is going through my mind…._ He shifted his eyes back to the granola bar, "Have they been eating healthy while I've been in the hospital, again? Is Nozomi-chan going to struggle in school now that her father is dead? Will they be able to afford to stay in the house? Will they even want to? If they want to and can't afford to, will they accept me paying whatever bills or debts necessary? I have to assume Kodama-san's going to inherit the responsibility for everything, what can I do to help her without making her feel like she owes me anything? If Ritsuko-san's been arrested, what's going to happen to Rei-san? How do I make sure that my father doesn't retaliate against her, when I can't even convince him to let her be seen by someone that hasn't been affected by the L-Nine?" He looked up at her, "What do I need to do to get Ritsuko-san help, instead of letting you throw her in a jail cell for the rest of her life?" Shaking his head slowly, he returned to his contemplation of his snack, "Everyone on here can hear me, right?"

"Roger that, Paladin," Raffle's voice responded over the headsets. "You're broadcasting locally, nobody outside the vehicle can hear you."

 _I'm supposed to choose. I'm supposed to be a king. I'm supposed to be the one that Hikari, Kodama, and Nozomi rely on. Fine. Then I'm going to be that person. I can't rely on anger. I can't rely on sorrow. I can't be weak, and I have no idea how to be strong. If everything's going to be messed up anyway, I guess it's time to mess it up my way._ "Nobody says anything about what Ritsuko did. Not to anyone. If you want to help me, Idunn-san, you can find me a moment with Misato-san and Maya-san away from everyone else." His eyes hardened, and he looked around the cabin, "I will not trust people around the Horaki family that can't keep their mouths shut."

"You heard him, folks," Idunn responded instantly. "Ritsuko Akagi is a 'no comment' from everyone. You catch someone on-site making noise, silence the conversation. Direct any and all inquiries to me, I'll handle the traffic."

"Unless General Benoit has passed word along, nobody back home knew something had happened." Raffle reached back and gripped Shinji's shoulder blindly, "We were on our way because we'd been informed about Toshiro Horaki, not you. We found out once we arrived before Stillson let us in to see you, and we wouldn't pass that out like candy."

"He wouldn't," Idunn stated confidently. "He's going to be busy prepping cover for our operation and moving on priority targets. He cares," she sought to reassure Shinji, "but he's not going to focus on Akagi's crimes when he has Gendo Ikari to topple. Coordinating the transfer of power with the home office, obtaining the proper clearances, vetting that the Sub-Commander can be trusted. He's going to be busy."

"We're going to have a small window to get ahead of things," the man who had collected the money was folding a sheet of plain white paper he'd torn from a notebook into a makeshift envelope. "That train doesn't have the same orders we do, and any of those engineers could be a potential leak of _something_ having happened. The fact that she's not on board is going to send off warning signs."

Shinji nodded, appreciating that they weren't arguing and were instead helping him forecast problems, "Idunn-san, I'd like to have a moment with Maya-san and Misato-san as soon as possible, then. It's not that I don't want to tell anyone else…but their father just died. I don't matter, they do."

"That's a negative, Paladin," the woman with the PDW raised her eyebrow. "You still matter. You matter just as much as they do, but you're prioritizing them over yourself for the moment. That's fine, but neglecting to process this crap is going to harm them long-term. Once you have feet on the ground, be ready to reassess your priorities."

"I agree," Idunn supported her comrade. "I'll buy you some time with these two ladies, but you need to make sure to take some time to get your own head right. It's a poor leader that ignores a wound until it festers."

Shinji's response was reflexive, "I'm not…."

Idunn waited for a moment, watching his face as he seemed to argue with himself. After the statement had hung for a moment, she ventured to continue her probe of the savior of mankind, "You're not what, Shinji?"

"I'm not a good leader, not yet." He clenched his fist before him, "I don't have a choice, though. Everyone keeps looking to me, and keeps telling me that they rely on me, and when things fall apart I seem to be the one able to put it back together. What…what Ritsuko-san did wasn't her fault. What happened to Toshiro wasn't his fault."

"And what happened to you wasn't your fault," Idunn finished. "I'm going to make time to talk to you, Shinji. I want you to tell me about this L-Nine, and what exactly happened to you that you feel it might have also happened to Akagi. If you can make it make sense to me, I can help you in helping her."

The conversation tapered off as Shinji nodded and turned away from everyone to watch the sky roll past. The people that had no experience with him came away with an appreciation for a man that would suffer what he had and slap away consolations to focus on those he loved. The pilots gave each other a significant look, knowing that their brother was going to need someone to take the stick from him soon. Idunn watched him, analyzing his every action and trying to build a profile of the young man that appeared from nowhere, that shouldn't exist, and yet despite all of the impossibilities was everything the world could have asked for.

Shinji simply forced himself into the semi-meditative state he experienced whenever he synchronized with the Eva. He was done thinking, done fretting, done trying to make sense of a world he couldn't convince to give him five minutes of peace. He was going to tell them, tonight. He was going to get on his belly and grovel for their forgiveness. It was all he could think of to do, to apologize for the horrendous loss they'd suffered.

+++++ 5th Angel + 4 : Tuesday (33)

The VTOL touched down less than an hour after it had launched from the ruins of Tokyo, Idunn holding Shinji back as her people rapidly filed out and began to verify that there was nothing of immediate concern. "We'll handle introductions after you've had a chance to touch base with them, Shinji. For now, let me handle anyone not named Horaki."

"Right," Shinji rocked slightly back and forth as he waited for word that he could deplane. The woman with the PDW turned and gave an 'ok' signal to her boss, who lifted her hand from Shinji's chest. Like a bolt unleashed from the hand of an enraged deity, he was out of the VTOL and heading towards the house.

The door opened as he approached, Nozomi streaking towards him with her arms outstretched and her hair dancing behind her, "Nii-san!"

Her tear-coated face tore at his heart, and without pausing his forward progress he scooped her into his arms and hugged her close to his side, "I'm so incredibly sorry, Nozomi-chan. I should have been here, I shouldn't have been away when you needed me."

"H-h-he's dead, nii-san. Daddy's dead." Her world had been crushed, and despite the fact that she knew her older brother was aware, she still had to get the words out to him.

"I know, Nozomi-chan. It's…not ok. And I'll do everything I can to help." He stepped up into the threshold, catching the next of the women in his life as she stood in the kitchen doorway, "I'm sorry, Hikari. I'm so sorry I wasn't here."

"It's not your fault, Shinji," his girlfriend's composure was more secure than his little sister's. Her eyes were sore and red, clear evidence of her sorrow, but she seemed to have her pain in hand enough to do what she felt must be done. "Welcome home."

"I'm…I'm…." _Be strong, you pile of waste._ "What can I do? Do you need anything? Does Kodama?"

"Kodama's handling paperwork right now, funeral services." Hikari stroked her hand along Nozomi's spine as the young woman curled into Shinji's side. "She's working with Suzuka-san in the living room. Misato-san and Maya-san are helping her make use of NERV's employee-assistance programs. I could use a hand feeding everyone," Hikari smiled sadly. "We're going to be hosting the wake here tonight. Gen-san and Suzuki-san went to claim," she swallowed visibly, "him."

Shinji stepped forward, turning to the side and wrapping her in a hug, "I…I read your note."

"You found it?" Her fingers clutched lightly at his shirt, when she spoke her voice was torn, "I'm glad."

"It helped me…." Considering that Nozomi wasn't able to be set down, he changed everything he was about to say, "I needed it."

"We need you, nii-san," Nozomi whimpered. "We need you here."

He closed his eyes and thought of what could be done. "Ok. We're going to be hosting people. We need food, and that means someone has to leave to get it. Why don't I take Maya-san or Misato-san and make a trip to the grocery store? I can afford the cost, and-"

"And you have people to do that for you," Idunn stated politely from the doorway.

"Oh," Hikari startled, looking around Shinji to the tall red-head, "I'm very sorry, ma'am. I'm afraid my-"

"Hikari," Shinji interrupted quietly, "please meet Idunn Haraldson, Vidar's sister." Setting Nozomi down so that she could huddle with her sister, he stepped back so that he could see everyone, "Idunn-san, this is Hikari Horaki."

"Hikari," the woman nodded politely, then shifted to regard Shinji, "your Light, correct?" Crouching down, she reduced the potential for seeming threatening, "So this liten en must be the wish, Nozomi."

"Idunn-san is…going to be in charge of security for the household," Shinji's fist clenched. "It's a long story."

"I wanted to step in and start briefing Captain Katsuragi and Captain Ibuki on the changes," Idunn apologized. "Hadn't expected to walk into you talking about leaving. I've got enough people here that I can spare two for a run. You and Miss Horaki get a list together of what you need, I'll make it happen."

"I wouldn't want to impose," Hikari started the ritual formality.

"It's no imposition, Ma'am. My position requires flexibility, and my agents would rather keep everyone here for the moment while we assess the security situation." Standing up to her full height, she offered her hands to Nozomi, "Could you help introduce me? Your big sister needs her boyfriend's help for a moment, or I'd ask him to do the job."

Sensing her hesitation, as sure a sign as any that Nozomi was out of sorts, Shinji urged her forward, "Idunn-san helped me after I fought in Unit-01, Nozomi-chan. Brought me towels and stopped me from breaking my fool neck on the ladder back down. She even managed to make me laugh while doing it."

"Y-you helped nii-san?" She looked up to Hikari, who smiled reassuringly and stroked her hair from her eyes, "L-let me introduce you to Ibuki-san. She's a nice lady too, she helped nii-san." Moving from her position in Hikari's skirts to Idunn's leg, she clenched slightly as the tall red-head picked her up and set her on her hip.

"Oh, my dear, I only did what your big brother himself would have done for someone else. You should have seen him, like a hero out of the old stories, he was. His hair flowing dramatically behind him as he stood in the rain gazing over the field of victory…." Her voice trailed away as she carried the youngest Horaki further into the house.

Hikari grabbed Shinji's arm, pulling him into the kitchen quickly. Once they were out of line of sight, she wrapped her arms around his waist and sobbed into his shirt, "You're home. It's been one day without you around, and everything…everything just went to hell! I was getting ready for school, Suzuka-san showed up and…." She took a deep breath, shuddering before straightening back up, "I've been a weepy mess, Shinji. First crying on Maya-san's lap when I tried to ask her for advice last night, then again this morning while I was holding Nozomi as I tried to stay calm for her…."

"You…were crying on Maya's lap?" The memory of the video feed played through his mind.

"Oh, I was the picture of calm and composed, Shinji," she laughed derisively, wiping her eyes with a trembling finger. "I wanted to ask her for advice on…moving forward with you. Next thing I know, I'm crying against her ear as she pretends that I'm not being a child." She turned away, "I'm a mess right now, I must look terrible."

 _Trust._ "Never," he shook his head, "you'll never look anything less than perfect, Hikari."

"Shinji?" Kodama stepped around the corner, pausing in the doorway, her excitement overriding her poise, "You…you came back." She looked between him and where Hikari had her back turned, drawing the exact wrong conclusion, "You…no."

"I'm fine," Shinji stated firmly. "I was just telling Hikari that I would handle the shopping for the wake tonight, but it seems that Idunn-san is going to send some people out to do that for me."

"You're…fine." She narrowed her eyes, the next in a string of negative outcomes jumping to the fore, "You're lying."

"It's not important right now," Shinji shook his head. "What's important is helping you three. Once I'm done with helping organize a shopping list, what can I do to help you?" _Please, just let me help. We don't need to bother with me, focus on yourselves!_

"Did…did you?" Kodama lowered her voice, stepping towards him with fear and anger vying for dominance of her features, "Are-"

Hikari snapped, "Is that _really_ important right now? He hurried home, he's trying to do what he can to help us out, and you're accusing him of lying, of…of…go handle the paperwork, Kodama. _My boyfriend_ and I are going to be busy in the kitchen for a while."

Kodama considered him for a second, then glared at Hikari before turning to leave.

 _Even when I try to help,_ Shinji looked down to the floor, _I end up causing fights._ "I'm sorry, Hikari."

"Did you kill him?" Grabbing his arm and turning him to face her, she looked up at him calmly, "Did you pour alcohol down that horrible man's throat and set him towards my father?" Tapping his chest, she pressed the point, "Did you insist on travelling alone with someone awful the day it happened? Did you demand that you be allowed to challenge this robot?" Balling up her fist she stamped her foot, "Or did you fly home to us as fast as you could once your obligations were met?! Which is it, Shinji? Are you responsible for everything on Earth, or are you a victim of a terrible fate just like we are?"

 _Yes._ He wished he didn't feel like answering that he was both, "I'm…I'm sorry."

"Well I'm not," taking his shirt and pulling him towards the refrigerator, she sighed, "because until he tells me otherwise, I have the man I love at my side. I have the man my father approved of, the man I know my mother would have approved of, and no matter what happened on that accursed train, you're here now. Home, and safe." Opening the door, she shifted her tone to businesslike, "Take notes on your phone, I think we should be able to serve some of Daddy's favorites tonight."

Keeping up with the string of ingredients they'd need, Shinji altered quantities to produce more than needed, as well as correcting a few ingredients he was certain she'd accidentally missed. _I'll make sure to pay them, and I'd rather have too much than not enough._ His answers were brief grunts of agreement, or questions about brand preferences. There was a calming simplicity to the task, and he soon realized he needed to capitalize on the momentary lull in the storm, "Hikari?"

"Six cans should do," she looked back over her shoulder, "yes?"

"I…loved your father. He offered me shelter, stability…he told me that he wanted me to be a better man and set me on the path towards trying to be that man. He never once demanded I stay away from you, despite us dating while I lived here, he never once yelled or was mean. He was a good man, who raised three wonderful women, and I'm sorry that I'll never have the opportunity to tell him in person how fortunate I am that he touched my life for the short time he did." He wanted to cry, but the tears wouldn't come. "How grateful I am that he gave me…that he gave me you."

Straightening herself slowly, she smiled with tears in her eyes, "Thank you." Stepping forward, she pulled him down into a chaste kiss, "That is the sweetest eulogy I could have hoped for. He told me, before he left, that he hoped you would continue to grow comfortable here. He wanted you to be a part of the family, Shinji."

"He wanted you to be a part of the Shirakami," Suzuka's voice sounded from the hall. "His hope was that you would marry Hikari-chan, continue his works after he was too old to do so on his own." She looked Shinji up and down, "Your spirit is troubled. Hikari-chan, I require a moment of Shinji-dono's time. If you would please pardon us?"

"Here," Shinji handed his phone to Hikari, "tell Idunn-san that I'll pay for everything." _If she needs to tell me about the surveillance, or about how Toshiro…I should listen._

"My apologies, child," Suzuka bowed in gratitude to Hikari. "But an unseemly argument has broken out, and I would have the truth of it from the man in question."

"Suzuka-san," Hikari began.

"Child, you know full well how your request will be answered. Do not waste your breath or mine on it." Her eyes shifted to Shinji, "I do not believe it will take long. Unlike certain others I have little doubt as to the truth of the matter, but I verify the truth even with the man I married, it is how it is done."

Hikari moved out of the room, pausing before the older woman, "Be kind to him, or I swear you will answer to me." Holding her gaze for a few heartbeats, she walked away at a leisurely pace.

A slow smile broke on Suzuka's face after a moment, "I always knew it would be her." Leaving that comment hanging, she turned to face Shinji, "It is Kodama-chan's contention that you seek a way to move out. That you have been pulled into the sway of another woman, Akagi by name. This new woman, Haraldson by name, asked that both Maya-chan and Misato-chan be given a moment alone with you. That there were discussions to be had regarding your employment." Her head tilted, "You called Nanako-san, you passed along information regarding the cameras and microphones in the home. I presume you did this as soon as you knew that they existed, it is simply how you are. This does not strike me as the actions of a man held in thrall by another. I do not ask you as their mother's second, as they have chosen well and I see no need to gainsay their decision. I ask you as Sensei to Oshiego, do you intend to leave this house?"

 _You wanted to ask me_ this?! "Why?" Shinji scowled as a familiar song rolled into his mind, "Why does everyone want to focus on everything but the fact that Toshiro's _dead_?!" Pointing towards the family room, he couldn't keep his voice lowered, his confusion and pain overcoming his final reserves, "They are suffering, Suzuka-san. Their father has been taken from them, and everyone but Hikari and Nozomi is worried about what happened to me!" His body seemed to grow as he felt the first bolt of thunder strike nearby the house, "I am _not_ the point here. I am a distraction!" His eyes hardened, his anger stoked beyond his control, "A good man, a better man than I'll ever be in ten lifetimes, was murdered because I dared oppose the monster in charge and everyone wants to know if I fucked Ritsuko. Fine. You want to know? No. No I did not. I _would_ not. And yet, despite me doing everything but breaking her _fucking_ neck, she forced herself on me."

"Shinji-dono," Suzuka's eyes widened slightly in surprise, and without hesitation he bulled over her as the sound of thunder grew louder and more menacing throughout the one place he'd felt most safe in his life.

"And even better, this was after she showed me video that looked a great deal like Hikari and Maya kissing. So not only was I dreading the fact that there have been cameras and microphones and for all I know tiny transcribers recording every personal moment of the family that took me in when I had _nothing_ ," accentuating the word with a crushing blow against the nearby countertop, he sent a deep fracture through the hardwood, "I was also suddenly unaware of exactly what I had done to lose the best thing to ever happen to me!" Lightning began to crackle unceasingly through the sky around the home, the storm building faster and faster, "So yes, I called Nanako-san, and yes, I set in motion the events that killed Toshiro-san, and yes, I wanted to make certain that today wasn't about me but about the life of the man I murdered by daring to try and help, but despite what I want, despite what I tried to do, I've only managed to make everyone angry with each other by showing up to try and be the man _you people told me to be!_ "

Suzuka's jaw set, her face the picture of contrition and regret. Closing her eyes, she primly laid one hand atop the other before her and bowed, level to the ground, "Please, Shinji-dono, stop. I-"

"Why? Why should I stop? You wanted an answer, Suzuka-san. Everybody wants to know what's wrong with poor little Shinji-kun. You people asked for a king and this is what I have to offer you! Anger and death." A lightning strike connected with the lamppost outside the house, destroying the unit utterly. His voice swelling to enormity, his words shook the windows just as the thunder did; a symphony of regret and agony given form, "So here's your answer. Yes. I intend to leave this house before I bring any more ruin on the women within it." Moving to step past the prostrated swordswoman, he snarled out a final truth, "I should never have come back, I should have stayed dead."

To him, the statement was intended as a commentary on his position as a time traveler, on his fervent hope that there were other realities that still held the people he'd abandoned to die. On the fact that he was about to die before he returned, and that had he simply perished the world may very well have managed to survive his loss with no real consequence. To everyone else that heard his utterance, it provoked reactions of fear and dread. It brought to mind a world without the kindness and unyielding willingness to defend the world he provided. Opening the door as he kicked his shoes back on, Shinji stepped out into the raging storm. He made it three steps outside before he was tackled by three different personnel that had arrived with him and Idunn. Even with their combined mass and strength, and the very desperate motivation to save the man they'd been charged with protecting from being either struck by lightning or worse, they barely slowed his advance.

"Christ alive, man," the gentleman who had collected the condolence money swore, "what are you made of?"

"Please," Shinji growled, "stop before I hurt you."

"Can't," he panted as he threw himself fully into the task, "our duty…."

"Please take your hands off of my boyfriend," Hikari stated calmly over the howling wind.

"Miss Horaki," Idunn danced around the mass of humanity to stand between Hikari and the rest of the world, "it's dangerous out here. Please, both of you, come back inside. Whatever's going on, we'll talk it out. It can't be that bad." Making soothing motions, she kept her pleas calm and unhurried, not wanting to trigger any further instability in the already volatile situation. She knew that the people here had finally pushed her principle past his tolerances, and she wanted nothing more than to take him somewhere to calm down, but she had planted the flag at the Horaki's home and that meant everyone stayed put.

"I'm going wherever he's going," Hikari stated with a deadly finality. "If he's leaving, so am I."

Shinji stopped moving forward, the storm beginning to abate, "Hikari I-"

"You are my boyfriend, Shinji. I would say I'm tired of reminding people of that fact, but I still get a tingle up my spine whenever I admit it out loud." She considered him, "My father is dead, the pain he's lived with for over a decade is finally over with. I can't be sad, because he's free. I can't be happy, because he's gone. I believe I _can_ be angry, though, that people are hounding my boyfriend when he's done nothing but try and support my family during all of this."

"Nii-san," Nozomi called from the door, "please don't go."

The fatal mistake in his resolve to leave was turning to witness the little lady, the pain and fear in her eyes a new scar forever adorning his conscience. "Nozomi-chan…I…I just need a moment." Looking at the three people still firmly grasping him, he sighed, "If I stand right here, and don't move, will you please let me go? I'm very angry right now," the rage within him snarled and snapped, despite this he kept his voice level as he attempted to shove it back into the void, "and while I don't believe I will hurt anyone, I really don't want to hurt the people protecting my…family."

"It's ok," Idunn stepped over, patting people back, "I'll stay nearby. Focus on the mission. Secure the perimeter, keep lookie-loos at bay." She looked to Shinji, "Just the walkway, right? Clear your head. Talk to your Light, here." She encouraged Hikari over as the armed personnel warily stepped back, "Seems like the cat kicked the hell out of the bag, so…maybe clear the air, too." She began shepherding people away, "Move, move. We're ok." Doubling back, she sat on the doorstep, pulling Nozomi into her lap, "We'll watch them from here, min lille. He's not going to break his promise. He's a good man who's been put in a terrible situation, and he's just trying to protect you from himself."

Hikari stepped over, standing before him, her white shirt soaking the rain up eagerly, "Can I ask something of you?" The look of pure determination in her eyes never wavered, "You once told me you'd give me anything, and I think I know the one thing I'd like more than anything in the world, right now."

Swallowing his anger, he nodded, not trusting himself to speak at the moment without further destroying everything around him he cherished.

She smiled gently, "Could you maybe give me five minutes warning before you decide to leave in the future? A white shirt isn't the best idea for traipsing about in the rain. I'm also not wearing shoes, and my socks are getting wet." She sighed dramatically, "That's just going to take forever to clean."

Shinji blinked, _and everyone but Hikari and Nozomi is worried about what happened to me!_ He looked down, choking back a laugh as he realized that she was doing exactly what he'd insisted she had been doing.

"I'm really not wanting to be picky about things," Hikari continued on as if it were perfectly natural to continue to address the situation as she was, "but it would really be terrible ending up somewhere with my bra showing and my socks drenched. Can you imagine the looks we'd get? People would think we were homeless, instead of the top two students in our class."

He coughed out a quick chuckle, "You'd still look beautiful, you can't convince me otherwise." He felt the sun break through the clouds as his wrath petered out. Risking a look back up at the woman he loved more than life itself, he saw her once more glowing before him with a radiated light that bordered on the religious. Stepping forward, he lowered his voice, "I'm sorry, Hikari. Today isn't about me. The rest of my life isn't about me. I…I let the day become about me."

"No," she kept her voice as low as his. "No you did not. You came _home_ , Shinji. I meant what I said, no matter what happened, you came back to me. That's all I care about. When I needed you, you literally flew to my side. You're not a distraction…well," she sighed in frustration, "you are. But you're _my_ distraction. Every time I look upstairs, I wonder if Daddy's going to come down. Every time I look to the street, I wonder when he will show up." Wiping the last of the rain from her bangs, she groaned, "I'm never going to pretend to understand what Akagi did to you on the train. And I know you understand the pain of losing a parent. Everyone else began picking at you, and everyone else is going to deal with the fallout. I just want my boyfriend to be left alone to be _my boyfriend_."

"You know," he looked back up to the sky, _Is this going to happen every time I lose control? Is this a part of what they were telling me?_ "I think I'm supposed to be comforting you."

"That's nonsense," Hikari snorted. "We comfort each other, Shinji. For the rest of time, if I have my way."

Closing his eyes, he braced himself, "Tonight. I need to tell you and Kodama something." Looking at her, reveling in her beauty, he set in motion the act that he knew would damn him, "The house is safe from spying, and what I have to say will change…." He shook his head, "You'll hate me, but I'll hate myself more if I don't tell you."

"I can't hate you, Shinji," Hikari flicked his chin. "I love you too much." Taking his arm, she turned him around, "Now, let's go back inside. We need to start making food if we're going to feed the masses."

"Nozomi-chan," Shinji smiled as best he could to the youngest Horaki as they approached, "could you go get your sister a towel? She's going to take her socks off before she walks on the hardwood, and I'd like her to not trail water everywhere."

"Hai!" Bouncing off of Idunn's lap, happy to have a task she could help with, she took off to be about it.

"I apologize, sir," Idunn stood, re-entering the house. "I told you I'd keep people from asking my people about the train, and I never anticipated they'd ask _you_ about the train. I know that the culture's a lot different here than back home, but…this wouldn't have happened where I come from."

Hikari stepped onto the mud tiling, holding Shinji's sleeve to balance as she stripped her sock off, "Where are you from, Haraldson-san?"

"Norway, Heidal to be specific." She smiled apologetically, "I also want to apologize to you, ma'am. I clearly wasn't prepared for a situation where the household itself would be antagonistic during a tragedy. I have a lot to learn about the lay of the land, and I would greatly appreciate it if you kept doing what you're doing with my principle here. If three of my people can't manage physically what you did with a few well-placed words, you're going to be my best weapon in keeping him safe."

"Of course," the Class Rep set her socks aside to be handled later. "He's the man I hope to one day marry, you're only asking me to do what a good wife should."

"I think that…." Shinji stopped, looking at his phone in Idunn's hand. "I think I shouldn't say what I was about to. It hurts your feelings when I do." Extending his hand, he asked for the device, "I need to make a call. Hikari, would you please go ask Maya-san and Misato-san to meet me in my room? I do need Idunn-san to brief them on what happened on the train, and I want to be there to make sure that they know as much of the truth as possible. I'll tell you later, in private."

"Don't take too long," she stepped up on the main floor, curling her toes around the lip of the step to gain leverage as she kissed him thoroughly. "I need my distraction where I can hold onto him." Settling back, she accepted the towel from Nozomi, who had reappeared with one for Shinji as well, "Come on, Nozomi. We're going to have a quick sister-talk with Kodama. I know that she's in pain, and we need to make sure that she understands that our Shinji isn't going anywhere."

"Y-you're not, right?" The little firecracker looked up at him with none of her typical swagger, "You're staying?"

"For a few days, at least." Shinji didn't want to lie, "I need to go on a business trip with Misato-san, we're meeting the new pilot and if I'm not there I'm not meeting my responsibilities. Toshiro-san would be disappointed in me if I didn't do what was right."

She seemed to process the statement slowly, working through it as Shinji dried his hair off, "But you'll come back?"

"I'll do everything in my power to, Nozomi-chan." Crouching down, he ran his thumb along her cheek from where a tear had leaked out, "Very little in life is completely certain, but I do know for absolutely certain that I'll always care about you. You'll always be special to me, and I wouldn't want to miss Sakura-chan's first steps once she's healed either. I have plenty of reason to try and come back, so don't worry." _If you still want me back, that is._

"Come along, Nozomi. He has his duty, and we have ours." Hikari held out her hand, guiding the little lady away.

"Just a moment, Idunn-san, I have a better idea than sending someone out to buy groceries." Dialing the number he never expected to use, he was surprised when it was picked up on the second ring.

"Shinji? Are you ok? Is Hikari ok?" Yang's voice was lowered, as if she wasn't supposed to be speaking where she was.

"Yang-san," he bit his lip, "I have bad news."

"Toshiro Horaki…we know," Yang admitted sadly. "Ma is talking to people right now, she was going to call your house once she found the time but she's…incredibly angry right now. She's switching between languages as she finds new ways to swear in them."

"Then maybe this isn't a good idea," Shinji grimaced. "I'm sorry, I…I forgot that Toshiro-san visited the Blue Crane from time to time."

"What? No!" Her voice increased for a moment before she began whispering again, "Shinji you had better tell me why you called, because if I have to catch a ride over there to sit on you until you do I will do it, you just watch me!"

"The…." _Ask for help._ "The wake tonight, I need to be able to feed people, and there's not enough food in the house to manage it. I can pay-"

"Of course!" Yang's voice raised again, "Hey, Ma! It's Shinji!"

"Shinji? 他回家了吗? Give me the phone," he heard the elder Xu approach as she spoke. A bit of rustling led to her speaking into the other end of the line, "Shinji? Oh my heavens above child, are you ok? Are the girls ok?"

"Not…not really, ma'am." Shinji sighed, "things are rather frayed here at the moment. It's why I called."

"Anything we can do, Shinji, you just ask. The Xu family has a great love for those three, and Toshiro was a dear, dear friend."

"The wake is tonight, you're invited of course, but I was hoping to have you provide food and drink for everyone attending. I don't have the resources in the house to handle it myself, and things are…it'd be best if I didn't leave to go buy everything I need." He felt terrible, every fiber in his body begging for him to not ask this woman who clearly knew the departed far better than he did, "I need help, Xu-san. And the Blue Crane has a much better kitchen than the one here in the house."

"You mention one word about payment and I'll have you over my knee, young man." The elder Xu sniffed, "We will have our best ready before you know it. Do you know what time the wake begins?"

"Gen-san and Suzuki-san aren't back with…the body." Shinji swallowed hard at the thought of the man he admired laying in state. "I'll ask Suzuka-san, and text or call Yang-san with the time. Are you certain you'll be ok, ma'am? You knew him far better than I did."

"Shinji," her voice became tender, "we're all hurting. But the Shirakami is a family, and we stand together on days like this, no matter how we feel. I'm going to start getting things started, so here's my foolish daughter again. I'll see you tonight, dear." Moving the phone from her, Shinji winced as a rapid-fire string of Taiwanese-accented Mandarin flowed from the elder Xu. It was clear that she was informing Yang about something the young woman had done wrong, and it was just as obvious that he'd have to apologize to her for it.

"Sooooo," Yang's voice came through the line. "Turns out I might have wanted to share that I had your number with my mother." She sighed, "Shinji, I'll be over soon with a few people, we're going to set up everything so you four can focus on grieving. I'll bring you something sweet, and something for Hikari and her sisters too. We're here for you, Shinji, ok?"

Shinji nodded, "Thank you, Yang-san. I'm very sorry I got you in trouble."

"I'm also bringing a slap for that comment, you." Her voice grew firm, "I told you to call me when things got rough, and I will not have you apologizing to me like you're imposing on me for doing exactly what I asked. Stupid Japanese stoicism. I'll be over soon." The line went dead.

Wincing at the sudden end of the conversation, Shinji looked up to Idunn, "Some people from the Blue Crane restaurant are going to be coming over soon. They'll be catering, and participating. You might need to tell people about that."

"Already done," she waved her phone. "I don't mean to eavesdrop, Shinji, but until we build up a nice rhythm, I kind of need to."

"It's ok," he sighed, despite feeling it to be anything of the sort. "Privacy isn't something I've ever had." Looking to his bedroom, he frowned, "I kind of miss my S-Dat." Shaking off the thought, he pocketed his phone, "You're going to be with me, no matter where I go?"

She nodded, "Until later tonight, you said you needed privacy with Kodama and Hikari. I'm assuming that's still on?"

"Yes." He paused as he went to move towards where Suzuka likely stood, "Eavesdropping on that conversation will end any cooperation I give to you." His eyes hardened as he swelled to his full size, "What I have to say is for them, and them alone. Anyone, _anyone_ , overhearing it will nullify any agreements we have."

"That serious?" She pursed her lips, "I'll make sure to set a perimeter then. I doubt either of them are going to try to kill you, and so long as you're in a room together, I can know where you all are to protect you. In an emergency, we'll make a lot of noise as we approach, so you can stop talking about whatever it is. I trust it's not life-imperiling?"

"It's…incredibly private." _Not much will be more private than admitting this._

"Understood, sir." She pulled out her notepad, jotting down a reminder. "When you need the time, you let me know and I'll implement the plan. But," she looked at him hopefully, "I do need to be where I can see you until then. Your life is in my hands, and I really don't want to keep failing at keeping you safe and sane, Shinji."

 _Trust._ "Trust is earned, Idunn-san," he started in motion again. "But you made a good down payment on the train." Locating Suzuka, who was texting with someone on her phone at the dining room table, Shinji rounded to the opposing side of the table, and then bowed deeply, "I apologize, Sensei. My actions were inexcusable, and without thought for your sorrow at the loss of your friend and ally."

Hearing the chair slide back, followed by the whisper of her clothes as she stood, he prepared himself for a blow like he often received in training. Instead, he felt a hand on his shoulder, "Please, Shinji-dono, stand." As he slowly lifted up, he saw a woman that was filled with remorse, "My own actions have no excuse. Unaware that you had suffered…a separate tragedy, I approached you without consideration for your own suffering. Toshiro-san chose well in bringing you into his house." She held up her hand for patience, "You are in no way responsible for his death. That you feel your actions in restoring the sanctity of his home may have precipitated a reprisal only means that you ache in your heart for his death."

Shinji looked down at his feet, "I…."

"Should it come to be that someone ordered his death as reprisal," Suzuka gripped his shoulder until he looked back to her, "then you will be with those of us that repay their foolishness. We will speak more of this later, though. You have not yet chosen to be Shirakami, and I will not steal your choice away." She shifted her eyes to Idunn, "This house, and everyone in it, is under our protection. You do not, and will not, have enough people to do what must be done. We will not tolerate failure."

"We're all pulling on the same rope, ma'am," Idunn smiled politely. "Later, once I have my team in place, I'd like to speak with the person in charge of your protection team. Make sure we actively communicate what parts of the playground each person's responsible for, stuff like that."

"Mmm," Suzuka grunted noncommittally. Looking back to Shinji, she nodded, "There is no debt between us, Shinji-dono. You acted with the honor Toshiro-san admired. I look forward to our morning workouts continuing, it is rare that I find anyone able to strike as hard as you can."

"I need to become stronger," Shinji admitted. "If I'm going to protect the remaining Horaki family, then I can't be weak anymore." Sighing, he shook his head, "But for now, I need to ask when Gen-san and your husband will be back. I've asked Xu-san at the Blue Crane to cater for the wake, and I need to give her a time to arrive."

"I will contact her personally," Suzuka patted his neck. "She was informed, as all of our people have been, and became rather despondent that she was not allowed to immediately come to assist. She was fond of Toshiro-san, and I believe you have given her a task that I ought to have from the start. A kingly move, Shinji-dono. Quite acceptable."

"Thank you, Suzuka-san," Shinji ducked a short bow. "I'm sorry, but I need to go speak with the Captains. I brought trouble back with me, and I need to do what I can to stop it from overwhelming the house, especially on a day like today."

"Trouble is ever around us all, Shinji-dono." Suzuka waved him onwards, "Do not seek to claim dominion over it, or you'll only bring yourself greater heartache."

Nodding as he left, Shinji wished it were that simple, "When we tell them, Idunn-san, I would appreciate it if you didn't interrupt. I know how things looked from your perspective, but there are things that I have to say, whether or not you think they're true."

Idunn shrugged, "I'll be giving them the official report later on. I'm here to support you." Sliding his door open, her omnipresent smile became grim, "You're doing fine, Shinji. All of this happened because the people here care about you, not because you came back to the place you call home."

As he entered his room, Shinji saw Misato staring at the corkboard holding the one photograph he had, with Maya on her phone texting with someone, "Misato-san, Maya-san, I'm very sorry." Moving out of Idunn's way, he bowed to the two women he trusted more than anyone else at NERV, "I…'No' wasn't enough."

He was pushed upright as Misato ducked under him to tug him into a bear hug, "No. Please don't apologize to me, Shinji."

He felt Maya impact his side, joining in the hug, "I'm sorry, Shinji. Oh, please, I'm so, so sorry."

Keeping his feet under him was hard, the desire to collapse into the strength of the two women before him seductive. _I can't let anger rule me. I can't let weakness dictate everything I do._ "We need to help her, she-"

Maya looked up, stunned, "You what?!"

"Shinji," Misato's gaze was understanding, even laced with the fire that it held, "the only help she needs is into a jail cell."

"Stop," placing one hand on a shoulder apiece, he gently pushed them back, "please. Listen to me before you pass judgement." He looked from one to the other, "Science is the process by which we observe the world around us, it's how we determine the cause and effect, right?"

Misato blinked, then nodded.

Maya scowled, "That's mostly true, yes."

"Fact one, I was changed by the L-Nine." He shook his head to make his hair dance, as it was the most obvious difference between him and any other 'normal' human, "We can all agree on that, right?"

The Tactical Commander narrowed her eyes, seeing where he was going, "Ok. Proceed."

"Fact two, Ayanami-san isn't the way she was before I arrived, before she was exposed to the same L-Nine formulation to help her heal from whatever occurred before the Third Angel." He looked to Maya, "Broken bones like she complained of don't heal that quickly without whatever changed me."

"Shinji, neither you or Rei-chan have turned into sex-crazed maniacs!" Maya patted his chest, "Sweetie, you've had women tossing themselves at your feet, and all you've done is blush and defer. Physical alterations don't necessitate mental alterations, the body is far more complex than that."

"But Ayanami-chan hasn't gained strength or speed like he has," Misato pointed out. Turning to Idunn, she rolled her hand, "Have you ever seen anyone able to hold back your agents like he did just now?"

"No. I've seen Jake stop bigger men cold," the redhead looked back towards the main house. "What you're moving towards, Shinji, is that the substance that changed your physiology isn't consistent in its alteration, only that it consistently alters people."

"Exactly," Shinji nodded. "She needs help, she needs people looking into how to restore her humanity, not people looking to…to hang her because she tried to…to…."

"Tried?" Maya patted at him until he looked at her, "So it was an attempt, not successful?"

"Does it matter?" Misato frowned, "It's still damaging, it's still something he's going to need to talk to someone about." She looked away in anger, "Something he's going to see every time he…I get what you're saying, Shinji. But she still needs to go before a judge. A fit of madness doesn't remove culpability, at most it mitigates the sentence."

"It matters to me!" Maya snapped, "He has protected his virginity, Misato-san. He's had every opportunity in the world to give it away, and he's held it dearly. If he still has it, and he can still give it to the woman he chooses, that's at least _something_ in all of this that he can cherish."

"Shinji," Idunn coughed. "Permission to…state the facts? Nothing more, nothing less. Just what I saw." Accepting his nod, and wincing internally as he walked away from the others towards his closet, she schooled her voice towards a clinical deposition, "After introducing Shinji to General Benoit, the General gave Shinji a datachip with a listening device on it."

Shinji whirled around, "He what?"

Ignoring the distraction, Idunn continued, "Acting on the intelligence provided by Captain Noelle Minders, it was our hope that we would be able to provide evidence of the sexual abuse of a minor in case she waited until they were no longer at the Proving Grounds. As it can be incredibly difficult, under the best of circumstances, to gather sufficient physical evidence of the sexual assault of a male by a female an audio recording would have proven better than nothing at all."

"Shinji," Misato looked towards her ward, "do you still have that chip?"

"It's been turned into evidence," Idunn interrupted. "It recorded the assailant happily plotting the actions she intended to take. That gave us enough legal standing to intercede, and it was not without some small difficulty that I led a team in to prevent the crime from occurring. It was Jake that forced the door, and it held less firm than Shinji did just now." She met Shinji's eyes, "Had I been even a quarter second later, penetration would have occurred. The societal definition that most people would hold with means that unless he has engaged in intercourse with anyone else, he is still a 'virgin'."

"You bugged me," Shinji glared at Idunn.

"To protect you," she stated calmly. "Had we waited for a warrant, the crime would have been committed. Had we not placed you under surveillance, the crime would have been committed. If it makes you feel better," she smiled sadly, "I had asked that Thor retrieve the bug once you arrived home. We do not, and will not, intrude on your privacy again. It was only because as a minor you could not legally consent to the action, and as your 'guardian' she was in a position to block us, that we did what we did. I apologize for what you've suffered, Shinji, but I will not apologize for doing what I must to protect you."

He clenched his fist, "And later tonight?"

"You'll be inside of a house, with only people you trust, where I control the access points. I don't need to know what you're saying, Shinji. I _do_ need you to be safe and healthy." She balanced confidence with empathy, keeping indifference or callousness from her tone, "You're safe now. The only surveillance will occur outside, and it will be done to keep you physically safe. I've been truthful, Shinji. I could have lied and said we just 'guessed'."

Misato shook her head slowly, "She's got a point. She had no reason to tell us, and every reason to lie about it, if her goal was to spy on you."

"I can't build a trusting relationship on a foundation of lies," Idunn pressed. "Trust is earned, like you said. I won't hide what I'm doing, so long as you don't bulldoze my people. It's hard to replace good, trusted, agents," she grinned.

"Shinji, sweetie," Maya crossed over to him, "if she hadn't done that, you would have lost that special thing." She lowered her voice, whispering so only he could hear, "You read the note, right?" Taking his looking down as proof she took his hands and smiled up at him, "You can give Hikari-chan that same special gift now. Focus on that, on the positive."

 _And what about you, Maya? What about that kiss you gave me?_ He nodded, _Another matter, for another time._ "No more bugs. No more spying. This house is a safe place for them, and I mean what I said earlier."

"No more spying, Shinji. I give you my word." Idunn pulled out her phone, glancing at the message it contained, "The people from the restaurant have arrived." Holding it up, showing a picture of Yang taken by one of the agents outside she raised an eyebrow, "You know this one?"

"That's Yang-san," Shinji nodded. _Ok. I've told them._ "Misato-san, Maya-san," Shinji stood tall, "I need your help with Ritsuko-san. I know you're angry with her, and…I'm not sure how I feel, but we can't abandon someone that may have been corrupted by the L-Nine. Everything may have started when I cut my foot, and until we know that's not the way it is, I am begging you for your help."

"Only if you agree that she faces a trial," Misato gave him a level look, "I would hold you accountable for anything you did, Shinji. Even if it was under the influence of the LCL."

Maya searched his face, "Would you do this for anyone, Shinji? …Would you do this for me?"

"I tried to help Toji-san," Shinji offered as proof the only thing he had, "and he punched me repeatedly. I can't give up on people just because they hurt me, Maya. If I did that…who would help me when I needed it? What reason would I have to get back into Unit-01? I'm not asking you to forgive her. I just…I just want to do what's right. I don't want to be _him_."

"You'll never be your father, Shinji," Misato scoffed. With a wry smile, she looked to Maya, "You know he would go to the ends of the Earth for either of us, Maya-san. Let's justify his faith in us, eh?"

"I don't think I'll ever forgive her, Shinji," Maya held his hand tightly. "But for you, I'll see if she's willing to try for redemption."

"Thank you," he offered her the warmest smile he could conjure. "Both of you." Shifting to Idunn, he glanced at the phone she held and let his tone become business-like once more, "I guess it's time to deal with the next problem."

"On your lead, Paladin," Idunn's tone was reassuring, her confidence in his control being restored growing.

Retrieving his hand from Maya, he looked to Misato, "Please help Kodama finish the paperwork. She didn't mean to start anything, she's just…this isn't her at her best."

"It's fine, Shinji," Misato nodded. "She's lost her father, I know exactly how that feels. I'll do what I can to keep her focused on the task at hand and out of trouble."

"Help Nozomi-chan," he turned to Maya, "she needs someone who can focus on her and her alone. I trust you to keep her steady, since you're the one that managed to keep me steady."

"Of course," Maya nodded firmly. "If that's where you think I can help, then that's where I'll help."

"Thank you," he set his shoulders, "both of you. Now, let's try this again. Maybe this time with less anger."


	34. Chapter 34

+++++ 5th Angel + 4 : Tuesday (33)

"Shinji!" Yang bounced up and down, waving from where the agents had asked her and those with her to wait, "Would you tell them you know me?"

"It's ok," Idunn called. "He's verified."

The female agent murmured something Shinji couldn't hear to Yang, then tilted her head towards him indicating she could leave. Dashing over, the leggy waitress met him with a huge hug, "Oh, Shinji, I'm so sorry! This is terrible, just terrible." Leaning back, she looked at Idunn, "Where's Hikari-chan? Shouldn't she be with you?"

"She's inside settling Nozomi-chan with Captain Ibuki," Shinji looked at the two men he recognized as those guarding the doors to the private area of the Blue Crane. "Sirs, thank you for coming. I appreciate your assistance."

The man that had brought his bag back when he was at the restaurant bowed respectfully, "He sheltered under her wings, Mister Ikari. A good man now walks with his ancestors, and it is we who appreciate being given the chance to bring his family what peace we can."

"If it would not be too much trouble," the second man added, "could you show us to the kitchen? We would like to start preparing, time is short. Horaki Xiānshēng deserves only the best for his deeds in life."

"Of course," Shinji turned, accepting Yang's holding onto his arm as a friendly condolence. "Please, follow me." He had become accustomed enough to Idunn's presence that he felt her move to flank the two larger men, _Do I trust her? She was honest, she volunteered both to protect the Horaki family and the information that she'd helped spy on me. Maya's right, if it wasn't for that…._

"Shinji," Yang whispered, "who's the westerner?"

"Idunn Haraldson," he slowly enunciated the name. "She is in charge of protecting…everything." He sighed, "Me, Hikari-san, everything."

"Because of what happened to Mister Horaki?" Yang's eyes filled with sadness, "Ma was saying that he might have been murdered. That's terrible, Shinji. He was always going around helping people, making sure they weren't being taken advantage of by thugs, that the police were properly investigating even when the person wasn't someone society is accepting of. Do you think they're going to come after you?"

"Not me," Shinji held the door for everyone, "they'll come after the people I care for." Idunn caught his eyes, "The people she works with…they want people like that to be stopped."

"And we'll stop them, Shinji," Idunn smiled. "You might be surprised at how effective we can be."

"Yang-san," Hikari's voice drew everyone's attention, "I didn't expect you to stop by."

"Shinji called me," separating from Shinji, Yang offered a hug to Hikari, "you shouldn't have to worry about cooking and cleaning and all of that trivial stuff right now, Hikari-chan. Let the Blue Crane handle it, we'll make sure that everyone's fed, and everything's spotless."

Shinji held his hands loosely before himself, "Xu-san will be coming over later with the bulk of everything else," _Please don't be upset with me for changing plans._

"Thank you," Hikari gratefully accepted the embrace from her classmate. "If I had been thinking, I would have called myself."

"No, no," Yang stepped back, waving her hands. "Hikari, you're holding up way better than I will one day. I'd be a blubbering mess right now, and you're just showing why we voted you Class Rep each year."

"She's very poised," Idunn asserted. "I'm impressed myself."

"Oh!" Pulling her backpack off, Yang unzipped it and dug inside, "I…brought…this!" Hoisting out one of the chocolate bars Shinji remembered Hikari preferring, she offered it to his girlfriend with a hopeful smile, "I know that it's not much, but…well, you know. Chocolate."

Hikari's mouth twitched, and she very gently accepted the gift, "Th-thank you." Swallowing the sudden display of sorrow, she ran a thumb under her eyes, "Please, make yourself at home, Yang-chan."

"You just let me handle the food and drinks," the leggy waitress dug out three more bars and handed them to Shinji. "I'll let Shinji give your sisters theirs. You two go sit down," her eyes glistened as she empathized with her friends. "Grieve. Sadness is a poison that can't be allowed to linger, it's best to bleed it out before it builds a home inside of you." Offering a quick bow, she turned to head into the kitchen, asking for an update on the preparations.

Offering his arm to Hikari, Shinji moved her towards the dining room table, "Are you ok? I…uhm, I didn't expect you to start crying about chocolate." Pulling out a chair for her, he helped her settle into the seat, "I'm sorry that I didn't tell you I called her, I saw her name on the phone when Idunn was holding it," he crouched down by her, "I figured it would be better to ask them to help than to make you do all of the work."

"No, no," she shook her head, "I'm glad you called. Xu-san knew Daddy. She should be here too. If she's ok with helping, then that makes it easier to be a good hostess." Setting the chocolate bar on the table, she smiled sadly, "Daddy would always buy one of these for the three of us. Even when we didn't have the money to, he'd come home with them." A tear leaked free, "I miss him already, Shinji."

"What can I do?" Setting the other three bars down, he looked around for Nozomi and Kodama, "Should I ask Kodama to come over?"

"Just…be here," taking his hand, she clutched him closer, "I just…I don't want to be alone."

He felt a tap on his flank, looking up to see Idunn urging him to take a chair from her. _Thank you_ , he mouthed. A polite nod was his only response, the redhead turning back to continue her observation of the house and everything moving inside of it. Once he was seated, he offered his girlfriend his other hand, "I'm sorry if I'm messing up, Hikari. I'm probably not being a very good boyfriend, with everything going on."

Her voice trembled, "I disagree. I think you're the only reason I'm not destroying the kitchen at the moment." She laughed sardonically, "I saw the ingredient list, Shinji. You were correcting my errors without saying a word, you were making sure we'd have the right stock, and I don't care what you say or think, I could never do better than you."

 _What do I say? I need to say something. She's…she needs something from me._ "I…uhm, I love you." He froze, not having intended to say something romantic at a time when she was probably-

Hikari popped out of her seat, landing on Shinji's lap and throwing her arms around his neck as she sobbed in great, heaving, convulsions. Whatever dam she had built, whatever had kept her from crumbling as she attempted to handle both the loss of her father and the onus of hosting the wake, all of it collapsed with the simple statement that she was loved.

Shinji cradled her in his arms, "It's ok," he began to slowly rock her back and forth, "you're not alone. I'm here, and…and Misato-san's here, she's helping Kodama. Maya-san has Nozomi, I think I see Suzuka-san with them. You have so many people here, Hikari. People that care, that…that hurt with you." _What do I do? I've never had to comfort someone through this!_ _What does she like…her hair!_ He combed his fingers through her hair, imitating the action she once mentioned made her feel beautiful, "I'll…I'll handle everything." Her crying calmed, but didn't abate. He knew he was having success in soothing her, and so he tried to reassure her, "I have people around who've told me they'll help me, so you don't need to worry." He noticed Idunn give him a subtle gesture of approval, "People I wouldn't have met, had I not been…saved, by your family."

Suzuka approached the table, making a gesture to indicate that she needed him to stay silent about her proximity. Typing a brief message on her phone, she held it so he could read, informing him that Gen and Suzuki were returning. The journey expected to take two hours.

He gave a nod of understanding, "For as long as you need, Hikari…I'll be the public face. I'll greet everyone, and…and whatever else needs doing." _For you, I'll perform a song and dance on the roof if I have to._ "So you…you just take the time you need. You've given me a home, you've given me hope…." _It's my turn._ "Let me do what needs to be done."

"Shinji," Idunn kept her voice respectfully low, "more guests are arriving. Thor and Noelle, it looks like they've brought others." She offered her phone so he could see, "A number of others."

"The Damned," Shinji nodded. "It looks like they brought their 'plus ones'," hugging Hikari tight, he stood, setting her on her feet. "Let's…let's go greet them. Let them offer their condolences." _Please, don't hate me for doing this. I don't know what I'm doing, but I don't want you to have to do everything by yourself._ Hikari held onto his arm, an atypical silence hanging over her as she kept her eyes lowered. The woman he knew had finally succumbed, and her strength and drive seemed to find an anchor in him and his actions. _I'm responsible. She trusted me to be her Sub-Rep, and I can't fail._

Reaching the door, now blocked open by a pair of shoes, Shinji caught sight of Feelgood quietly briefing his pilots and their spouses. "…done this before. We know we'll do this again. These are good people, these are _our_ people. Let's do right by them today."

"On your six, boss," Glitch murmured. The lanky man nodding in greeting to Shinji, his wife calmly waiting for an opportunity to be of assistance by his side.

Feelgood turned, taking a moment to assess both Shinji and Hikari before speaking, "We extend our condolences for your loss this day," he bowed, "please allow us to assist in any way we can during your grief. Officially or unofficially, the Damned stand ready." Regaining his base, he acknowledged that Hikari wasn't speaking and focused on Shinji.

 _I need to direct them. They want to help, and…._ Spying the envelopes with condolence money, an idea formed, "We're going to be hosting the wake here tonight, as you know. I'm going to be very busy, and I need a couple of people to keep track of the condolence offerings."

The lead pilot for NERV's Air Group looked to his right, "Mbau-san, would you and your husband please?"

"Of course," Maria nodded. Stepping to the fore, she gently laid her hands on Hikari's shoulders, "We're here to help, ma'am. If you need something, please let us know." Glitch clapped Shinji on the shoulder, nodding in understanding before following his wife to the side of the walkway to plan how to handle the task they'd been given.

"I also need the furniture moved a bit," Shinji continued. "We're going to have a lot of people moving through to pay their respects. There isn't a lot of space, so if anything needs to be removed, please put it in my room for now."

"Toggle, Vidar," Feelgood rattled off two more names, the two men offering their own condolences before stepping into the house with a firm step.

Toggle's wife spoke up, "I'll make certain everything's clean after them, moving furniture around stirs up dust in even the cleanest of houses."

"Thank you," Shinji acknowledged the offer. "The closet by the stairs has the cleaning supplies."

"I'm very sorry for your loss, dear," she touched Hikari in the same way Maria had. "If you need anything, my husband and I are here for you."

Vidar's wife stood to the side, speaking quietly with Idunn. Shinji thought better of tasking her with anything, knowing that she might not have had many opportunities to speak with her sister-in-law, "I'm sorry, Feelgood," he looked around briefly, "I don't see your girlfriend, you probably had plans with her today."

"Meh," the dashing pilot waved in irritation, "I'm a single man again. Any woman that can't handle the pressure of showing up to a funeral on short notice isn't a woman I want in my life." Turning to look to Raffle, he tilted his head towards the house, "You're on his three. I'm going to help with the furniture and overwatch."

"Roger," Raffle nodded, stepping over to Hikari and wrapping her in a warm embrace, "I'm sorry I couldn't get Paladin home faster, that I couldn't stay and help out. Once we touched down here, we had to RTB with the bird. I'm so sorry for your loss."

Sensing Hikari had become entrenched in a fugue, Shinji locked eyes with Raffle and tilted his head back to the house, "Let's find a seat, Hikari. Check on how Nozomi-chan and Kodama are doing." The house was a quiet hive of activity as he entered, the kitchen filled with familiar sounds, the front room with the shuffle of feet and the buzz of a vacuum. Spying a seat left alone out of the way, he guided Hikari over towards it, settling her in place and crouching down beside her, "Do you need anything? Something to drink?"

Her eyes never left whatever distant vision she'd become consumed with, "He's dead, Shinji."

"…He is." A subtle gesture sent Raffle off to secure something for her to drink, "I'd give anything for it to not be true, but he is."

"Where…where are we going to live?" Her brow knit together, "How are we going to keep Nozomi in her school if we have to move? Daddy had a difficult time keeping everything together, and now only Kodama has a job."

"I'll pay the bills," Shinji offered easily. "Even if you kick me out, I won't abandon you, Hikari."

"Here," Raffle returned with a bottle of tea, "you need to drink something."

Taking the bottle slowly, Hikari frowned as she read the label on the black tea, "I need to change. I'm supposed to be wearing…I shouldn't be wearing white." Standing suddenly, she kept her grip on Shinji's arm.

"H-Hikari," pulling her to a stop, he leaned in and kept his voice low, "I can't go with you if you're going to change."

Looking at him as if he'd become daft, she scowled, "You're my husband, Shinji. We've seen far more of each other than our underwear. I know that there are people about, but I'm sure your workmate can handle them while you help me change."

"G'wan," Raffle whispered harshly. "She's in a state, and she needs you. You're a right and true man, Paladin, keep her steady. We'll guard the door, and anyone that wants to judge you is gonna have ta deal with a gaggle of angry pilots."

"I…uhm, ok," Shinji ducked his head quickly. "I'm sorry, uhm, dear, I just…."

Issuing a long-suffering sigh, Hikari smiled sadly towards the man she loved, "All these years, and you still blush and stammer when I talk about getting undressed. It's almost like you still find me attractive."

 _Play along._ "You'll…always be beautiful to me, you know that." _I'd give anything for years with you, Hikari. Please don't crack on me now._ "It…it was love at first sight." He helped her start up the stairs towards her room, _Hopefully you don't panic when you don't find anything in your room but what belongs to you._

"Says the man who couldn't even muster the courage to ogle the woman he thought was beautiful," she paused, frowning before the door to Toshiro's room. "I…I don't…." Her eyes were distant when she turned to regard Shinji, "Where were we going, dear?"

"You need to change," ushering her past Toshiro's room towards her own, he kept up a stream of words to stop her from hesitating, "you wanted my help. I'll change later, since I'm still likely going to have to do some work and I don't want to get that nice pair of slacks dirty, you insisted I buy that exact pair…something about it setting well on my hips."

"Oh, yes. Of course," she blinked, looking around her room confusedly for a moment, before smiling. "He never changed a thing. It's just like Daddy to hold onto the past, you'd think he wouldn't want to remember…what's her name." Pausing in the act of taking off her shirt, she turned to find Shinji had faced towards the door and sighed, "Shinji Ikari, would you please do me the favor of treating me like an adult? You call me beautiful, but you insist on this childishness?"

"I…I…." _I'm sorry, Hikari._ Facing his girlfriend, he kept his eyes on hers, "I'm sorry, dear. It's ingrained, I wish I could be better for you, but I'm…weak."

"Well, it's all her fault, anyway." Pulling off her shirt, and revealing a utilitarian bra, she inverted the cloth and frowned in thought, "What _is_ her name? You'd think I could remember it, considering all the times I've said it."

 _Her fault?_ "I'm sorry, I don't know who you mean, dear."

"Oh, yes you do. She certainly spent enough time terrorizing you at school," reaching around behind her back to unclasp her bra, she sighed. "All year, the two of you lived together with…I'm sorry," slipping her bra free she stepped over and gently hugged Shinji, who delicately kept his hands off of her while returning the gesture. "I mentioned Misato-san. I know that's a sensitive subject, and here I am with Daddy having passed bringing up your mother." Sagging against Shinji, she took several calming breaths as she sought protection in his arms.

 _Lived with Misato?!_ Shinji knew he was stiff, he knew that she was misinterpreting his rigidity as panic over something to do with Misato as opposed to Hikari mentioning a time she wasn't ever a part of. "I-it's ok, d-dear." _She's remembering Asuka!_

"No, it's not," she whispered. "I knew that whole year you were being abused by…her. That she was psychologically damaging, that she was physically abusive, and I blamed it all on you, Shinji. I even got angry when she stormed out of that crazy dance-fight-training. Oh, my silly, silly Shinji, can you imagine what our lives would have been like if we'd just started dating earlier?" She tittered happily, "Daddy would have been thrilled."

"I…I can't," he wanted to set her down on her bed, reacclimate her to the timeline they were in, but she took his words to mean something quite different.

"Of course not," she snorted. "I was so focused on Suzuhara-san. How would you have even known I was interested? The day I met you, Shinji, I should have said to hell with him and pressed you to date me." Laughing, she pulled him down into a lingering kiss, stepping away to look at her room, "Though being married at fourteen might have been too much for you to consider with how staid you tend to be. I wonder if the clothes still fit. I should have something here, I haven't really gained any weight. Just a little height."

Shinji watched her dig through her drawers, _She can remember. How…how do I deal with this?_

"Oh, wow!" Hikari turned, holding up a black lacy bra, "Do you remember this?"

"I, uhm…." He blushed, having looked further south than her eyes accidentally before ripping his eyes back up, "Y-you…."

"I see that you do," she purred. " _That_ was a night I'll never forget. I wore this because I had run out of what I normally wear." Slipping her arms through the loops, she smiled happily, "I was coming home from university, you had missed your ride from the hospital…oh, you looked so…different," her smile faded for a moment, "you've grown so handsome, Shinji. So strong. So…where am…my room?" Blinking away the fog, she wobbled on her feet.

Sliding forward, Shinji caught her before she could fall. Gingerly grasping her elbow and hip he kept his eyes well north of her own, "Careful, please…you…uhm," he grimaced, "you had a moment. You were…."

"Lost," Hikari shivered. "What…oh, Shinji, what did I say? You have to think me mad." Stepping free, she slid into her bra, "I'm so sorry, Shinji, I…I don't know what came over me."

Shinji's lip curled in annoyance at his inability to help, "It's…well, not fine, I'm worried about you, but you…."

"Got overwhelmed," Hikari admitted glumly. He heard cloth sliding over flesh, "You can look now, I'm dressed again."

Slowly looking down, caution overriding concern for the moment, he saw her sliding the skirt she'd been wearing out from under the dress she'd chosen, "I…don't have a black kimono," she admitted quietly.

"I'll buy you one," Shinji looked down to the main room where everyone was, "all of you."

"What did I say, Shinji? Wild horses couldn't have dragged you into this room willingly, not if I was going to be undressing." She blushed, "Not that I mind, mind, I just…you're very particular about propriety. If you're here, it's because I hurt you."

"No!" Shinji waved his hands frantically, "You…you said that as your husband…I shouldn't…."

"My husband?" She blinked, "So…I thought we were married."

"I need to tell you something, Hikari," clenching his hands tight, he shook his head, "but I can't right now. Let's just…let's go back downstairs and grieve. Once everyone's gone home, before bed tonight I'll tell you everything." _The timing is terrible, but I have to. She's remembering things._ " _Everything._ "

+++++ 5th Angel + 5 : Wednesday (34)

The wake flew past, from Shinji's perspective. Once they had returned downstairs, Hikari attacked problems like a renewed woman. Splitting his time between directing traffic for the Damned and the staff from the Blue Crane, comforting Nozomi, and greeting any arriving guests, he scarcely noticed the passage of time. Each time he attempted to speak to Kodama, however, he was suddenly needed elsewhere. Both Gen and his wife, as well as Suzuki pulled him aside to assure him that their continued support was a certainty, neither group admitting that Suzuka had said anything, but clearly knowing more than he'd told them.

As the guests slowly departed, the Shirakami, the Damned, Yang and her mother, Shinji kept looking towards the door. There was one person that he'd have expected to show up, one man that he had thought better of. Once Gen and Suzuki had taken the body away to be held in state and the only people remaining, other than the security personnel, were Suzuka, Maya, and Misato, he finally asked the question that had been bothering him, "Why wasn't the Sub-Commander here?" Looking to the swordswoman first, he gestured to the open door, "Wasn't he a good friend of the Shirakami? Hikari calls him 'uncle'!"

"That would be our fault," Idunn returned downstairs from carrying Nozomi to bed. "While we were on our way here, General Benoit filed charges against Ritsuko Akagi and Gendo Ikari." Nodding towards Misato and Maya she continued to address Shinji, "These two aren't in any trouble because there are official records of their actions protesting the decision to send you alone. Unfortunately, as Mister Fuyutsuki is the second-in-command, he had to remain on base to handle the allegations."

"You what?!" Misato stood from the chair, "How?!"

"I believe that Shinji-dono covered the 'how' with his taking us to task earlier," Suzuka stated simply. "I had myself wondered where he was, and I believe him to be far angrier at the situation than I myself am."

"Uncle Kozo was saved by Daddy," Kodama walked into the room from the kitchen. "He wouldn't have missed the wake for anything short of a crisis, and there clearly was one. Who broke the counter?" Her blasé attitude seemed at odds with her earlier mania, "That's going to need repairing before we can sell the house."

"Sell the…." Shinji turned slightly towards the young woman, perplexed, "Why would you sell the house?"

"Because I can't afford the mortgage," Kodama shrugged.

"Ho-hold on," Shinji held his hands out. "One thing at a time. I'm…I'm tired of things piling up." Standing up straight, he turned to fully address Kodama, "Kodama, would you please let me pay for any bills? I owe the Horaki family a debt, and I can't stand the thought of you being forced from your house because of something I did."

"No," she stated flatly. "You insist that whatever it is you have to tell us will cause us to hate you, and I will not accept money from someone that I hate."

"Right," Hikari entered the conversation from the door to Shinji's room, where she had been making certain that it was once more in proper order, "everyone out." Marching over, she clapped her hands firmly, "There's about to be a family conversation, and unless you're family it's time to leave." Giving a brief hug to Maya, she whispered something Shinji couldn't hear, sending the woman towards him.

"I'll be back tomorrow, Shinji. I've taken emergency leave, to help you as I can. We'll finalize the funerary service tomorrow; the plan is to hold it on Thursday." Looking askance at Kodama, she sighed, "If things go south, you have my number. Please, call me."

Shinji could only nod, trying to prepare himself for the forthcoming storm.

While he had been talking to Maya, Misato had been given a statement as well. The powerful Captain walked over and patted Shinji's shoulder, "You know where I live. If you need to step away, you're always welcome with me." She held up a finger, "But, don't ostracize yourself, ok? You're far harder on yourself than we are, and you need to let the people that love you help." Taking Maya firmly by the arm, she carried the other woman out, whispering quietly to her the entire time.

Idunn looked to Suzuka, "My people will take up positions around the house. When you're done in here, let's talk."

"As you say," Suzuka nodded. Waiting for the tall redhead to depart, the swordswoman looked to the three young adults. Once the door was resealed, she spoke firmly, "No hitting. If he has committed crimes against the family, bring them to me. We will determine the appropriate punishment, if any, and carry it out ourselves. He is forbidden by strictures stronger than law from raising a hand to defend himself, and I will not see him abused for having appropriate morals." Looking to Shinji, she nodded, "I will see you when we train next, Shinji-dono. I have absolute confidence that you are blameless in whatever it is you feel you have done." Walking past Kodama, she leaned in and whispered two words, then moved to follow the other guests.

Alone, at last, the three stood in the room where they had begun their goodbyes to the man they all cared for. Hikari stood watching Kodama, her eyes boring a hole in her skull. Kodama stood observing Shinji, her gaze flat and lifeless. Shinji simply watched the floor. He had spent the entire evening intending to prepare himself, and now that he had the privacy he'd asked for he had no idea how to begin. The seconds ticked past, nobody moving, nobody wanting to be the first to break the stasis.

 _Just tear the bandage off._ Shinji shook his head, "I'm…I'm not who you think I am. Well…I am, but not completely." Looking first to Hikari, who had turned to consider him with calm understanding, he fidgeted with his hand, "You…earlier, when you had that moment where you 'lost control'?"

The freckle-faced beauty nodded, "Where I thought we were married?"

"You were remembering…remembering a timeline that I…was pulled from. A different…place, a different…. I think maybe you were conflating things, though…because you…n-never mind." He shifted his gaze to Kodama, "Those visions you had? Of things attacking me? An oddly striped ball sucking me in, of me diving into lava? That's going to happen again. Those are Angels, ones I fought before…I'll fight again. All three of the Angels I've fought, this is the second time."

Her brow knit, and the eldest Horaki blinked, "Wait…are you saying you travelled through _time_?"

"Yes! …No," he sighed, "kind of." Raking his fingers through his hair, he scowled at the floor, "You'd think with all of the time I've dreaded this conversation I'd have practiced it once or twice." Groaning, he looked back to Hikari, "Where I came from, I was being attacked by the Fourteenth Angel. I'd given up, because I had been commanded by my father to kill Toji, who was the pilot of Unit-03, when it was…taken over, I guess, by the Thirteenth Angel." Without bothering to keep the narrative consistent, he just began to speak, "I was done, with everything. I show up, hoping that my father wanted to have something to do with me, and he orders me into a gigantic…thing. When I refuse to fight, he orders Rei to instead!"

Throwing his arms wide, he continued speaking whatever came to his mind, "The Third Angel, the one that I killed so easily? It ripped me apart the first time. I don't remember the battle, I blacked out. Unit-01 went berserk, it shouldn't have been able to win on its own, but it did. Then the Fourth Angel, I had no clue about the A. T. Field, I didn't even understand really how to make the Eva move! But there I am, getting pummeled into the ground, and Kensuke and Toji show up out of the shelter. They'd come out, because after Toji hit me Sakura-chan tore him a new one. So he was determined to make it up to me, and for whatever idiotic reason that translated into going out of the shelter with Kensuke to film my fight. I ran away, I was scared! What could I do? I was fourteen years old being asked to fight monsters by a man that threw me away like so much garbage." He turned to Kodama, "I never had someone like you to help me, Kodama. Nobody fought to give me someplace safe, nobody tried to help, I…I just…." He blinked, the look on her face confusing him, "K-Kodama?"

"You lived with Misato," she whispered, "you…there was a redheaded girl there, wasn't there?"

Shinji nodded eagerly, "Asuka, she's coming. She'll be arriving on the 'Over the Rainbow', I have to go with Misato to pick her up, or the Angel will attack and everyone on the Carrier Group may die. Asuka and I only won the first time because we…well I'd call it cooperation, but I think she'd say I just got in the way." He turned to Hikari, "She…I think she was good friends with you, at least as good of friends as she was with anyone here. She's…she…she's the voice I hear, Hikari. She called me stupid, perverted, belittled everything I tried to do as either not good enough or too slow."

Hikari's face was a mystery, whatever her thoughts were they weren't transferring past her mind. He watched her for a moment, trying to determine if she believed him or if she was coming to realize how insane he might very well be.

"Shinji," he turned back to Kodama, startled at how quietly she'd approached. The eldest sibling stood looking him in the eyes, "Where was Hikari during all of this?"

"She was my Class Rep. In Middle School." He shrugged, "I don't know why, but even though I came back in time, as far as events go, I went forward chronologically with regards to time. I only showed up to the right building this time because I thought I was going to my class in Middle School. All…all of this started because of a series of lucky coincidences."

"So she was your Rep," Kodama looked over to her sister, "and that's it?"

"We…weren't even friends," Shinji admitted painfully. "The first day I went to class, I ignored everyone. I kept my head down as best I could, even after I admitted I was the pilot of Unit-01. When I kept repeating that information was classified, people stopped…trying." He looked over to the woman he loved, "I thought she was beautiful, she had plenty of friends, people around her…she wasn't the kind of girl that would be interested in even talking to a nobody like me." He looked back down to the ground, "And…she was interested in Toji. Even if I had…tried, I would have been shot down because he wasn't caught by her when he punched me the first time through."

"You're…fifteen." Kodama boggled, "You don't act like you're _seventeen_ , Shinji. I've seen less mature thirty-year-olds!" Lacing her fingers behind her head she considered him for several seconds, "All of these visions…there's no way of knowing if they're your past, your future…I've been confused because I was trying to make sense of a single…." Clenching her eyes shut, she turned her face away, "Shinji…was Daddy alive when you…."

"I don't know," he whispered. "I…I only have Asuka's word to go on, and she only mentioned Hikari in passing. Asuka only ever mentioned anyone other than herself in passing. I know that Hikari came to class every time I was there, she never missed a day that I know of. But…."

"You weren't close," Kodama breathed out.

"I…I think by coming back I changed everything so much that-"

"Don't. You. Dare." Hikari came to life, storming over and pushing him back, "Don't you dare put this on your shoulders, Shinji. You came here swearing that you would try your hardest to do better this time, that you wouldn't push people away. You've fought to give people chance after chance," she jabbed him with her finger, "and always with their best interests at heart. This… _this?!_ This is the secret you've been keeping from us. This is the dark, terrible, truth?! That somehow you travelled through time and are doing everything you can to make life better for people. That instead of using all of your foreknowledge to set yourself up in a fancy apartment with no worries, you're…you're…you're _slumming it_ in our home! You could have anyone you want, and yet you claw and scrape to date me. Me! The girl with the frizzy hair and the random bouts of insanity?!"

"Y-your hair's n-not," he cut off as her finger landed right in front of his nose.

"My father died because a man put his own selfishness before the greater good. You, Shinji, put everything you can before yourself. You. Did not. Kill him." She leaned in, her anger stoked, "He died trying to save a little girl, Shinji. You nearly died doing something similar. This wake could have been for you! And yet you want me to think that you deserve an ounce of blame for this? I won't have it!" She spun to her sister, "And you, I want you to apologize to him _right now_. You have spent all day, all _month_ getting on him over things because you let our curse overwhelm you. I can't pretend to have been able to follow the word salad he gave us just now, but I know that he spent a long time suffering there. I will not allow you to continue to believe the worst of him, Kodama."

"Y-you don't have to," Shinji spoke up, unwilling to let someone else suffer for his sins. "I was a coward, Hikari. I ran away, several times. I didn't agree to fight until I saw the only other person was Rei, and she was in more pain then than she was this time. I'm a terrible person, I was a-"

Kodama placed her hand over his mouth, "You were a victim." She shook her head sadly, "I'm so sorry, Shinji. I'm the one who's terrible. You were given a second chance, and you've spent it trying to improve people's lives. Even when you were planning on leaving us forever, it was because you didn't want to risk our lives. You've never thought of yourself, or what you want…and I lost sight of that." Dropping her hand, she grimaced, "And knowing that…in some other reality, I never knew you needed help…."

"We failed you, Shinji," Hikari added, her tone mollified by her sister's contrition. "Even in Middle School, I knew right from wrong. I don't let the students in my class drift past, and you can't hide your emotions at all. I would have had to have seen the signs of abuse, and I would have had to have made a conscious decision to ignore it. You say you think I was good friends with the girl that abused you, and that…that is terrifying. What kind of a monster was I that I sided with an abuser over the abused?"

"It…it wasn't one-sided," Shinji knew that Asuka was hurting. He didn't want them thinking the worst of her, sight unseen, "I y-yelled at her, from time to time. When she got under my skin…or…." He let the sentence die under the glare of two sister's rage.

"You yelled at your abuser?" Kodama raised her eyebrow, "Shinji, Akagi raped you, and you've been arguing for leniency. Toji attacked you twice, and you fought for him to be given another chance. You've been fighting to get Sakura-chan better care, despite her brother's actions, and you weren't responsible for her situation! All you're telling us is that you, when pushed too far, raise your voice."

"I…I broke the countertop," he looked guiltily towards the kitchen.

"Call the police, Kodama," Hikari's voice was bone dry, "we've got a madman on the loose."

"Truly," the elder sister carried on with sarcastic flair, "we are in such terrible danger from the terror living in our home."

"I…burnt her toast once, when she took the last of the warm water the day after the heatwave snapped." Shinji realized how pathetic it sounded even as the words left his mouth.

"Shinji," Hikari sighed, "I've seen the water bill. Since you moved in? It's gone _down_. I don't know how that's possible, adding in another person to the house, but you've managed to use negative water. I'm shocked when I see the light in your room on, I've convinced myself you just are able to see in the dark. You lived with Misato-san, and this…Asuka. From all appearances, they trained you to act like a non-entity."

"That's how you got better at cooking," Kodama asserted. "Because they'd never do it. Not with how Hikari says the apartment looked." Swallowing hard, she looked as if she'd swallowed rotten fruit, "I'm going to be ill, Shinji. Everything I've seen, if what you're saying is true, isn't what _will be_ , it's what _was_. All of the nightmares, the visions, I've been seeing how you were forced to live." Slumping down the wall, she pulled her knees in, "I've been horrified thinking you were going to leave us, that you were going to go _back_ to an abusive situation because it's what you knew. Now I'm disgusted that anyone would be forced to live through that."

"The entire time, you've been trying to tell us that you want nothing more than to stay here. You've been trying to defend our home because it's the first place you've ever known peace." His girlfriend shook her head sadly, "I understand why you didn't tell us, Shinji. A normal family would just think you're making up fanciful tales, or were possibly insane."

"You didn't tell anyone because you don't want the assholes we work for to take you away." Kodama braced her forehead on her knees, "They would. The potential for abusing knowledge of the future, they'd do everything you refuse to do. And they'd hurt everyone and anyone you love to get you to comply."

"Why don't…why don't we start at the beginning." Taking his hand, Hikari pulled him down to the floor between herself and her sister. "Slower, this time. We won't be able to cover it all tonight, but I'd like to know where the man I intend to marry came from. What he's had to face. I can't be a good partner to you if I don't know what burdens you carry, Shinji."

Shinji looked between the two women, torn between trying to comfort Kodama during her very obvious bout of nausea and addressing his girlfriend directly, "D-do you still want me-"

"Yes," they stated firmly, united once more.

Kodama slumped against him, "We'll work out a…more fair distribution of our finances. I don't hate you, Shinji. I _love_ you. I love you so badly it hurts. I want you to stay, I want you to grow old here, I want you to stop feeling like a guest and start feeling like you belong!" Taking his arm, holding it tightly between her knees and wrapping her own arms around his bicep, she whispered, "I want you to love me like I love you."

Lifting his opposing arm up, Hikari laced it around her neck and shoulders, "Until you choose to be with someone else, Shinji, I want you here. If I knew it was what you wanted I would marry you right now. I try very hard to treat you the way you treat me. You've never demanded I stay away from anyone, you've never acted like you owned me, you've given me the freedom to choose what I will and will not do." Looking up at him, she smiled happily, "You've supported me no matter what was happening in your life, and I love you for that."

Shinji began to panic, the reality of Kodama's feelings settling around him, "I…I when I kissed Kodama-"

"Shinji," Hikari interrupted calmly, "do you enjoy Kodama's company?"

"I-I-I-"

She reached up and tapped his nose, "It's a yes or no question. There are no hidden secrets, no malicious intent. Do you enjoy it when you're around Kodama?"

"Y-yes, of course!" He nodded, "I care about everyone in your home."

"Our, Shinji. This is _our_ home." She maintained a balance between empathy and urgency, "When you kiss her in the morning, do you feel like you do when you and I kiss?"

"I…I don't know," he admitted cautiously. "Y-you and I don't…we don't…."

"We don't kiss as often as I'd like, I agree," she smiled comfortably. "I tend to keep things calm, for you. I would probably be a lot more wanton if we weren't in positions of leadership. It sets a bad example, you know." She looked across his body to her sister, who was still curled miserably against the man that she…they, loved, "Ko-Ko, how do we convince him that I'm not going to leave him if he lets himself be loved by the two of us?"

"He's worried…." She swallowed back her bile, "He's worried that if he looks at anyone else, you'll start looking too. He's worried that he'll lose the 'best thing that's ever happened to him' because he'd be acting like a pervert. They were programming him, Hiki. His father, this Asuka, everyone. He was being made to question everything so that he'd do exactly what they wanted him to do. So that he'd die like some mindless pawn."

Hikari bit her lip, thinking through potential remedies, "Ok…I can see where you would have doubts." She slowly rocked side to side as she thought, "It's all about the freedom to choose, for you."

"N-no," Shinji disagreed quickly. "I-it's about _your_ freedom, Hikari. I don't matter. I never have, I never will. I want you to be free to choose, b-because I made my choice. I chose you, and…u-until you choose someone else, I'm sticking to the choice I made."

"I see," Hikari nodded, pursing her lips. "I'll talk to…Suzuka-san. She and Nanako-san will stop by later today." Tucking back against him, she changed the subject, "Start at the beginning, Shinji. Tell us all about the world you come from. I want to know everything."

"The beginning." He blinked, "Ok…uhm... When I was young, only about three years old…." Slowly moving through his life, he began to lay out the story from the first tragic moments where everything became darkness and pain. Hikari sighed from time to time, the pain and loneliness he'd gone through evident to her from watching him play the cello. She seemed content to allow him to express his suffering, feeling catharsis by proxy. Kodama, alternately, cried and curled against him tighter and tighter as he spoke. The shared hurt finally releasing her well of emotions, giving her a way of letting go of her father. After an hour of building the foundation for understanding what he'd been through, Shinji paused, looking at the clock on the video player, "I'm sorry…I've kept you up late."

"Early," Hikari corrected with a nod. "Ok, bed time." Standing, disentangling herself from her boyfriend, she took his hand and gave what assistance she could in getting him to his feet, "I think I'd prefer the side closer to the door. I get up to check on Nozomi from time to time, and I don't want to disturb you." She looked down to Kodama, "Will you be ok with the side closer to the wall?"

"I'd rather sleep there," the eldest Horaki gripped Shinji's hand and pulled herself up. "You know I get nervous thinking someone's creeping up behind me."

"I…b-but," Shinji looked between them, unable to articulate his concerns.

"This is a new day, Shinji," Hikari started the train in motion towards his bedroom. "I'm miserable, Kodama's miserable, and if Nozomi were awake I'd ask if she wanted to find a space on the bed with us, because I know that both she and you are miserable too. Let's go to bed, and try and find some solace in sleeping next to someone we love."

+++++ 5th Angel + 5 : Wednesday (34)

"Yes sir," Kodama's voice was laden with fatigue. "I appreciate the sentiment, it should only be the next few days. Our hope is to have her back in class on Monday." She paused, listening, "Thank you. Good bye." Hanging up, she leaned against Shinji, "That's another thing we'll have to file with the city, I need to take custody of the Sprout."

"NERV should be able to help," Shinji kept the stove moving. "We'll ask Misato-san for the forms, she should know who to call." Preparing another large meal for the expected guests, he nodded as the matter of Nozomi's schooling was struck from Kodama's list while another item was added to the bottom. "I should be able to serve everything, could you go ask Idunn-san to step in?"

"Uh-uh," Kodama smiled sadly, "payment up front."

"I…I shouldn't mislead you, Kodama." He set the spatula back down, turning to face the normally vivacious nurse, "I don't know if I can…should…whatever it is, I'd be dating two people. That's unfair to you, it's unfair to Hikari, and it would be cruel of me."

"You're not," Kodama pulled him down into a kiss. Lingering long enough to enjoy the moment, she slowly backed out of the kitchen, "You're marrying my sister. You're dating me. You see? Completely different."

Hikari slipped past her sister as the elder sibling made a grinning retreat, "She's got you there," entering the kitchen with her NERV-issued phone, she showed the 'on hold' signal. "The teacher that answered is finding our homeroom teacher. It's going to take a bit."

"Hikari," Shinji fretted, not wanting to risk speaking on the issue when the phone could suddenly be a live microphone to their school.

"Yes, dear?" Hopping up on her toes, she pressed a kiss to his lips, "Something wrong?" Her grin indicated that she knew she had him cornered, and that she wasn't going to put up with what she believed to be foolishness.

"Nii-san!" Nozomi led Idunn into the kitchen, "I'm going to help hand out lunches, Idi-san said I could!"

While he wanted to continue protesting the unfair nature of what the women around him were setting him to doing, he couldn't help but rejoice at the way Nozomi had bounced back after a night's sleep. The tall redhead behind her had apparently played a huge role in that, deputizing the youth to familiarizing her with the layout of the interior of the house. Everything Idunn had done, or said, to Nozomi was filled with respect and trust, a powerful combination to the young lady that had just had her foundations rattled.

"Just be careful," Shinji cautioned. "The people out there are doing a very difficult job, and they may not be able to speak for very long. I know you like making sure people have what they need, but you need to be concise and patient."

"Hai!" Nozomi accepted the first of the lunch boxes, setting herself to carry the others atop the first, "Idi-san tells me that we'll meet the rest of our helpers tomorrow. We'll have to buy more food, if we're hosting that many people."

"The UN will pay for our food, Nozomi," Idunn stated calmly. "We wouldn't dream of imposing like that on the people we're here to keep safe."

"Yes, good afternoon Sensei," Hikari turned away from Shinji, beginning the conversation about their extended absence.

"Idunn-san," Shinji handed the woman's lunch to her, "I hate to bother-"

"You are both constitutionally and legally incapable of bothering me, Shinji," her smile was patient. "Less formality, more conversation."

"I'm sorry," he bowed slightly, remembering that she'd asked him this several times before. "I was wondering if it might be possible to allow Nozomi-chan to visit Sakura-chan today? She needs time to decompress, and sharing with her best friend would be good for the both of them."

"I'll make it happen," Idunn pulled out her omnipresent notepad. "I do have an agent up there with Miss Suzuhara, Shinji. She reports that the young lady's father is grateful that you would think of her, though he is obviously very nervous. He hoped that we would extend his condolences, he'd come visit himself but he says he's working eighteen hours a day now."

Kodama reappeared, "Poor guy. He's stuck in a bad situation. Work to pay for everything, or spend time with his daughter in the hospital. It's just not fair." Scruffing Nozomi's hair, she gave her a huge grin, "Thank you for helping, Sprout. I really appreciate having an extra set of hands right now."

"Of course, nee-san," Nozomi nodded firmly. Her face bunched for a second, then she took a deep breath and relaxed, "Daddy would want us to all work together. Nii-san is doing what he can, Hikari-nee-san is doing what she can. We all work together, and the job gets done."

"Just so," Idunn winked at the youngest Horaki. "Let's go feed my agents, they get grumpy otherwise."

"Hai!" Marching out of the room dramatically, she followed the tall redhead through the door.

As soon as the portal closed, Kodama swooped in and hugged Shinji, "Thank you. I wouldn't have even thought to ask them if they would mind transporting her up there. I know they're here for our protection, I just keep trying to forget that we might need protection."

"I'm sorry," Shinji apologized quietly as he returned the embrace. "I don't mean to take over anything, you know what she needs way better than I do. I just…I thought about her while I laid in bed, and what I could do to make her happy."

"Shinji," Kodama's tone was chiding, "never apologize for doing something for our family. I won't let foolish pride interfere with a great idea, and I'll never demand you stop trying to help. It's just who and what you are," she leaned back, her sad smile back in place, "like being touchy-feely is part of who I am. You accept me for me, why shouldn't I accept you for you?"

He shrugged uncomfortably, "Because…I don't want to make you feel unwanted. Or incapable, or anything like that. I…I know how it feels to…well, feel extraneous. I'd never wish that on you, or Hikari, or Nozomi. I just…I just don't want you to think that I'm trying to push you out or call you inadequate or…I'm rambling."

"You're also being silly," Kodama smirked. "Have I ever given you any inclination that I thought you were stepping on my toes? Let's be honest, Shinji. I've put you physically back together how many times now? I've had my hands coated in your blood, my fingers inside of your skin, I think we're past the awkward 'hurt feelings' nonsense. You listen to me when I talk, you try to act on what I tell you when it matters, and I wouldn't have you any other way."

"Group hug!" Hikari collided with Shinji's back, "We're clear through Monday. The school will be sending our work over the MAGI system, and our teachers have all volunteered to visit us here if we need help or just someone to listen. Nebukawa-sensei extended his personal hope that you were also doing well, knowing that you've been dealing with repeated trauma."

Shinji checked the door, "He was my teacher in Middle School." The admission felt wonderful, like he was lifting another weight off his shoulders that he hadn't known was there, "He gave the same speech and everything."

"I can believe it," Hikari giggled. "He's been in my teaching team every year since the first year of Middle School. I guess some things are just universal."

Kodama smiled to her sister, "Did you hear what Shinji arranged? Nozomi's going up to see Sakura later today."

"Oh good," Hikari stepped to the side so she was facing both of them, "she needs someone her own age to share her pain with. That's good thinking, Shinji. The three of us can only do so much for her, there's some things that she needs Sakura for."

"Like complaining about us," Kodama snorted. "She's going to give her an earful about how terrible I was to Shinji yesterday, and how Shinji almost left because we wouldn't leave him alone."

"Who's this 'us' you speak of?" Hikari raised an eyebrow, "I seem to remember threatening Suzuka-san before the blow up happened."

"Don't you start," Kodama stepped against Shinji, hugging him sideways. "I just got a chance to sleep in his bed again, I don't want you poisoning him against me for at least a few more days."

"That _was_ wonderful," Hikari yawned, stretching. "I wish we had a few more…days of sleep. Just let it all go away." Her sudden shift of mood drew Kodama away from Shinji, and the elder sister hugged the younger just as quickly.

"I know, Hiki. You did great, yesterday. You kept things moving, you kept the guests moving, everything went great because of your hard work." Kodama slowly stroked her sister's hair, "I was able to focus on the paperwork, all eighteen million pages, because you took charge. I needed you, and you delivered your best. Daddy would be so proud."

"We had help," Hikari reached over for Shinji, who tentatively stepped over and was pulled into the embrace. "We're a team, now. The three of us need to watch each other's backs, because I know that this isn't the worst that will happen. We're going to need each other's strength, and our understanding. So…I'm going to ask for something."

Shinji nodded, "What can I do, Hikari? Anything."

Hikari looked to Kodama, then back to Shinji, then in the direction of where her father had laid inside a sealed coffin. A range of emotions rolled across her face, a rare display of the young woman lying beneath the steel mask she displayed to the world at large. Her eyes became heavy, and she blinked back tears before she swallowed and gave voice to her request, "I want to move out. All of us. I want us to start a life together, somewhere that won't have the…the ghosts of mom and dad hanging over everything we do."

"Start over," Kodama quietly stated. "A fresh beginning, where we don't have to look at the…empty room. Where we won't be tempted to move in and feel like invaders in a room that will always have memories lingering." Her eyes misted up, "I…I agree. I don't know if I can afford a big enough place on my own, though." She looked up to Shinji, "I could use some help."

"If…if we're going to do that, I need to include Idunn-san," Shinji's mind was already working on how to make their desires reality. "She's going to want to help us find someplace she can protect easily. If you want to, uhm…you know, move out of the city…I-"

"Am completely insane if I think that's going to happen? Why yes, Shinji, I agree." Kodama made a face, "You're completely batty."

"A team doesn't leave anyone behind, Shinji," Hikari squeezed his flank. "We succeed or fail together."

"Not to mention that if she even considered abandoning you, I'd think she was the time traveler and I'd give that bitch a piece of my mind." Kodama shook her head, "I can't imagine my little sister ever ignoring you, Shinji. Not in this life, or any other."

"It's…it's ok." His mind had settled after sharing what he had, and he smiled slightly as he admitted, "I'm…I'm not there now. I'm here. With…with…."

"Group hug!" Nozomi bounced into the house, having seen the trio from the window. Clambering up Shinji's back, she attached herself to his neck and giggled as Kodama reached around to support her, "Thank you for staying, nii-san. Idi-san told me that you had some bad stuff happen on your trip, and that it made you worried that more bad stuff would happen here. She said that's why she's here, to help stop the bad stuff."

Hikari broke off from the group, patting Nozomi's back, "Nozomi-chan, can we have a sister talk? I want to talk to you about something important. Shinji needs to talk to Idunn-san, so we'll go into the family room."

Nozomi nodded slowly, "Ok…is it bad?"

"It's different," Kodama helped her down from Shinji's back. "But it's important, and we want to discuss it with you as a family."

Taking one hand from each sister, she looked between them, "Is it about you two sharing nii-san? You know I don't care about that." As they moved further into the house, their voices lowered beyond hearing.

Shinji closed his eyes, bracing for the inevitable questioning look from Idunn. "Don't. Please."

"I am neither your mother, nor your wife, sir. Who you choose to date, marry, or even just sleep with, is your choice and your choice alone." Idunn patted his shoulder, "I will say, you could do a hell of a lot worse than Hikari Horaki. That is a well put together young woman. She has her head on right, and I look forward to seeing what she chooses to do with the tools and talent she has." He opened his eyes to see her shrug, "Of course, choosing to marry someone who's decided on a lifetime of medical service is just as good. She's moody, has more than a bit of a temper, but Kodama seems like someone I can respect."

"It…this isn't my idea." He reached up and scratched at his hair in irritation, "I chose Hikari, I intended to just date Hikari. But both Hikari and Kodama seem to think I should…with both of them." He sighed, "Anyway, that's not your problem to deal with."

"No," she shrugged, "but I don't want to just be your bodyguard, Shinji. I started this duty because I was worried about what the man who would save the world was going through. Just because I'm here to keep you physically safe doesn't stop me from becoming your friend, or from listening when you have problems."

"I…thank you," he ducked his head. "If there's anything I can do…please, I'll do my best."

"Well, now that you mention it," she tilted her head, eyeing him.

"Yes?" He squared himself, ready to act.

"You could tell me what you needed to talk to me about before you distracted yourself thinking I was going to judge you for dating two willing women." She raised her eyebrow, "I can't do my job if you leave me in the dark."

"Oh! Right," he smacked the side of his head, "I'm sorry."

She smirked, "Less sorry, more communication."

"Hikari and Kodama…want to sell the house. They'd like us to move somewhere else. Someplace that doesn't have the same memories attached, that doesn't have the ghosts of their parents lingering." He looked towards the family room, "They want it to be in the city, so that I can stay with them, but I'd…like it to be in the same district." _Where none of the Angels ever reached._ "It's safe, they'd still be able to commute to school, it would take about the same time to get to NERV for me."

"Right," pulling out her notepad, she nodded. "Makes sense, if you think it's a good part of town. I'll send a pair of agents out today. Start looking for good, defensible, locations. Give me a few days, I should have a list of acceptable choices…three bedrooms? More?"

"I wouldn't want to ask them to share a bedroom, we should have at least four. One for each of them, and one for me." He frowned as he heard Nozomi gasp, looking in the direction of the family room, "I'm not in a rush, Idunn-san. They've had a lot thrown at them in the past month. I don't want them to suffer endlessly, but I also don't want to make them feel like there's a hurry."

"You're a good man, Charlie Brown," Idunn patted his shoulder. "Also a good cook. They're lucky to have you in their life."

"I…." Looking back to the tall redhead sadly, he shook his head, "I disagree. But I'm here now, and I can't change the past."

Idunn watched him for a time as he cleaned in the kitchen. Her concern grew with every statement her principle made that he was nearing a total collapse. He put on a brave face, and he tried with everything he had to be strong for those he loved, but she had seen more than once someone seem like they could handle their life…prove unable to.


	35. Chapter 35

+++++ 5th Angel + 5 : Wednesday (34)

Misato double-checked the paperwork again, "Long story short, Ritsuko-san's actions set off a chain of events that seem to have ripped up the established playbook." The lackadaisical party girl was nowhere to be found, the violet-haired warrior laser-focused on doing what she could to guarantee her ward's safety, and the safety of those he'd chosen to live with. "Testing and practice have been put on hold while the Sub-Commander and Maya-san go through the entirety of the code themselves."

Rei sat calmly at the table, organizing the papers that Misato set aside so that they wouldn't be lost, "I have been…removed from the Commander's custody." She had been warmly welcomed, despite her trepidation at visiting during the mourning period. "I apologize that I do not have anything other than my class uniform to wear," she bowed apologetically to Hikari, "I would have worn a more appropriate hue, otherwise."

"We'll fix that too, Rei-chan," Misato reached over and patted the young woman's arm without looking. "Moving you into my apartment is the first of many steps, by the time we're done you'll have a solid selection of clothes for any occasion."

"I'd love to go shopping with you," Hikari smiled fondly. "We can make an outing of it. I'm positive Shinji wouldn't mind."

Nodding energetically, Shinji endorsed the idea, "Not at all! I'm glad that you won't be living on your own anymore, Rei-san. It's good news…something we're really short of lately, I think."

"It's nearly out of stock, that's for certain," Misato turned the papers around and tapped where Kodama needed to add some information. "The Sub-Commander is trying to make time to visit, he's all but threatened to resign if they prevent him from attending the funeral, but with the Commander under house arrest and three active investigations to handle…he's got his plate full."

"He's just doing what he has to, to keep us safe." Kodama sighed as she annotated the form, "He doesn't have any more choice than Shinji does." Looking over at Rei, she raised her eyebrow, "I think I'll tag along. You have a figure that needs to be flaunted, Rei-chan. Unless someone tempers Hikari's prudish tendencies, you'll end up dressed like a spinster when you should be dressed like an idol."

"I would prefer to not draw too much attention," Rei blushed. "It is difficult enough to move throughout the city, with my hair and eye color being what they are."

"Not everyone wants to be eye-candy, Ko-Ko," Hikari stood behind Rei and hugged her close, "some of us are happy keeping our beauty for those special to us."

"I have no one to call as such," Rei stated calmly, then paused as her eyes widened. "I apologize," she bowed, nearly toppling Hikari over with her rapid motion, "I do not mean to draw attention to myself during your current circumstances. Your sorrows are still fresh, and it was thoughtless of me to speak in a manner that might seem to compare it with any other."

"Whoa, whoa," Kodama waved her hands before her chest. "Settle."

Hikari lightly tugged the bluenette back upright, "We're not blind to the tragedies of life, Rei-san. We don't own the market on pain. We've always known that Daddy might…have ended up like this. One day, Shinji might die, or you, or our neighbor. It hurts, yes, but if we spent all day wailing and pulling at our hair, we'd never get to remember the good times."

"Like when Daddy brought home the television," Nozomi smiled from her spot on Shinji's lap. "We spent _hours_ trying to help him set it up, get it connected to the video player, then get it to pick up a signal. All of the instructions were in…France language."

"Français," Hikari corrected her sister gently. "I wasn't quite as fluent then as I am now, it was so frustrating."

"He slipped out," Kodama looked over to Misato to share the rest of the story. "While the three of us were beating on this television like apes confused by a car, he goes to pick up a pizza. He knew that if he'd tried to set up the television any faster, we would have been sad that we'd messed up."

"So he goes and buys food that he shouldn't eat, to give us something to focus on nagging him about while he fixed what we made worse." Hikari smiled sadly, "He gave up so much, because his pancreas stopped working right. Men just…aren't meant to be as big as he was."

"He only had one slice," Nozomi looked up to Shinji, "and that's because I snuck it to him."

"Our father lived a life filled with physical pain, Rei-san," Hikari continued. "I…wish I could have had him around to see his grandchildren, to see Nozomi-chan graduate…to see Shinji and I marry." She shrugged, demonstrating that she'd begun to accept the reality for what it was, "It wasn't meant to be."

"We know, if nothing else, he's not in pain anymore," Kodama nodded. "He's at peace. With mom."

"And he left behind three capable, intelligent, strong-willed women," Misato added quietly. "I know I've said it before, but I am very sorry for your loss," she looked between the three Horaki siblings. "Your father was an exceptional man, and someone I felt I could trust with the man I'm responsible for," she gestured to Shinji, "the man that with my new ward," to Rei, "is in turn responsible for humanity." She smiled earnestly, "I know that nothing will ever replace him…but I'm not going to limit the help I offer to Shinji or Rei alone. You three are good people, and if there's ever anything you need…well, I can't ever have children of my own so I may as well care for the good ones that live around me."

Nozomi hopped down from Shinji's lap, crossing over and climbing up into Misato's, "Daddy liked you too, oba-san. He said he approved of how you took criti…critic…what people said that you hadn't done right, how you tried to do better." Her chin twitched, "He told me that I should learn from what you did, so that I can do better in the future too." She sniffled, "I'm sorry…I'm trying not to cry anymore."

"It's ok, sweetheart," Misato wrapped the youngest Horaki in a warm embrace. "It's always ok to cry when you hurt, never let anyone tell you otherwise."

Shinji watched as Kodama joined in reassuring her youngest sister, noting that Hikari was whispering quietly to Rei and that the bluenette was nodding slowly from time to time. _I wish I could have saved him…I wish this wasn't all my fault._

+++++ 5th Angel + 5 : Wednesday (34)

Shinji stood in the kitchen, preparing a dinner for his family, as well as Suzuka, Nanako, Suzuki, and Gen. He'd been politely asked to not cook extra for the agents, as they wanted to get a feel for the expenses they'd incur so they could properly request support from the General. It was meant to be a relaxing moment, in a week that hadn't seemed to want to stop punching him. What he'd discovered was that being alone and left to his own devices wasn't as calming as it once had been.

"Shinji-san," Gen's voice drew his attention to the door, "how are you feeling this evening?"

Turning slightly, not wanting to slow his stirring, Shinji noted that Gen's wife had come with him to talk, "I'm fine, Gen-san. You know me, I'm…." He flexed his hand, "Resilient."

"Sweetie," Nanako walked over and gently hugged his side, "rubber is resilient, until it sags and deforms under repeated strain. Humans are not meant to sag or deform. We are meant to grow bonds, to share our strength with others, to rely on others for their strength."

"This morning's training may well have been the same as any other day," Gen stepped into the kitchen and kept his voice respectfully low. "Were it not for the fact that you showed flashes of physical power that must have been borne from deep pain."

"We're not asking you to tell us what happened on that train," his wife stated reassuringly. "That is your story, to share or not, when you decide and no sooner." She felt him relax slightly, "We would only ask that you understand that we're here for you too. Toshiro-san chose you, just as much as Hikari-chan did. He had hoped that you would do just what you have done, that when he was gone you would support the most precious gifts he gave to the world."

"But he didn't want you to do it alone," Gen patted Shinji's shoulder encouragingly. "He had hoped that after you had built up an understanding of self-defense, of how the forms of martial arts we've been beating into you could be used to defend others, that you would come to trust not only him, but the Shirakami. Trust that we do not force you to learn these things for us, but for yourself. So that you may be, and do, what you want to be, and do."

"We're also a family, Shinji." Nanako stepped to the fridge, pulling out what she'd determined would be the next ingredient Shinji would need, "We fight, we disagree, but when bad things happen to other members of the family we rally around them to help in whatever way we can." She held out the container, "One day, I'll need your help. It would make it easier on me then, if now you showed that you were willing to accept my help too."

Reaching out slowly, Shinji took the offering with a nod, "I couldn't have made everything easier during the wake…if I hadn't listened when you told me to stop acting like…like a pawn." He looked to Gen, "I'm not ready to…deal with what happened. I just want to focus on them for now, their pain is far greater than anything I'm dealing with. They deserve all of the help people can muster."

"I understand," Gen bowed slightly. "We are going to be helping as they allow, Shinji-san. And when you're ready, we'll help you as you allow us to."

"For now, though," Nanako leaned against the counter, looking at the various dishes, "could I help with cooking? It's been ages since I've been able to work with a man that knows what he's doing in here." She smiled brilliantly, "The last time was when a distant relative stayed with my father and I when I was around Nozomi-chan's age, he saved my life actually. All while going to school, and working part time at the local Junes. While we work, I'll tell you the story."

Shinji nodded once, stepping slightly to the side to make room at the stove. _It can't hurt, I'll only mess everything up. I think I see what Hikari meant by needing a distraction, from time to time. It'll help make dinner palatable for everyone, if nothing else._

+++++ 5th Angel + 5 : Wednesday (34)

Idunn and Shinji were sitting at the table going through more paperwork, the three Horaki siblings upstairs spending time bonding over Nozomi's nightly rituals. The redheaded agent had sent her team to the various authorities responsible for utilities, gathering what was needed to transfer the bills to Kodama's name, for however long they remained at the home. "This one," Idunn nodded, tapping a section on the bill for water services, "I'd presume that since they're looking for banking account information this is the part we need to fill out."

"I can't understand why they wouldn't have papers dedicated to this," Shinji began copying over the information from the 'cheat sheet' that Kodama had given him. "It's…every day people die, and instead of creating easier ways for people to keep their lives moving they created more ways to force them to struggle." He grimaced, "No matter how much I do, there's always more to do."

Looking to her phone as she opened her mouth to respond, Idunn changed her approach, "Captain Ibuki is here. Why don't you take a break, see what she has to say? Maybe it's good news?"

"Hmph," Shinji shook his head as he stood. "There's no such thing, Idunn-san. Not so long as I'm around." Crossing to the door, Shinji had it open just as Maya went to knock, "Good evening, Maya-san. Please, come in."

Smiling tiredly, the newest Captain lifted her foot to step into the home, and missed. "Oh my!" Catching her toes on the lip of the entryway, she would have pitched forward had Shinji not been there to catch her as she fell. Hanging off of her savior, she groaned, "Aaaaah, crabapples!" Trying to recover her footing, she found herself held firm by Shinji, "I'm ok, Shinji, I just…."

"Let me help," stooping down, he lifted her easily and carried her into the house. "You haven't slept in over a day, have you?" Keeping his eyes on any obstacles, he saw her look guiltily down to her hands out of his peripheral vision, "You need to take better care of yourself, Maya-san. You can't help Rei-san if you collapse from stress and overworking yourself." As he crossed through the dining area, he noticed that Idunn had managed to slip out of the room without him seeing. _She's sneaky for someone as tall as she is._

"There's far too much to do, Shinji," she settled on the couch as he set her down. "I need to disentangle the testing protocols, go through the coding for the sync tests, establish an independent update cycle for each of the cores, there's just so much to do and only me to do it!" Grabbing his hand as he went to walk away, Maya pulled him back, "Please, just sit for a few minutes Shinji. I came here to check on everyone, to see how you're doing."

"I'll be back in a moment, Maya-san," he stated quietly. "I'm going to get you a cup of tea, I made some to help Nozomi-chan sleep." Firmly removing his hand from her grip, he walked away missing the pained look on his guest's face. _Nobody's taking care of themselves. All of this is my fault._

The kitchen was empty, allowing Shinji to reheat the tea quickly without having to dance around anyone else. It was quiet, which was pleasant, but the shattered section of counter was a tacit reminder of his failure to properly acquit himself. Everyone had ignored it, save for Kodama's prescient comment regarding it needing to be repaired before they could sell the house. As he waited for the timer, he measured out the segment, shaking his head as he thought through what could be done.

"Everything will have to be replaced," he looked around the kitchen. "There's no chance I'll find something matching like this." Leaning under, he sought the seam, "It's not going to be easy to do, without damaging the facing." Standing, he scowled, "I'll start after the funeral. I broke it, I'll get it set to rights." The beep of the small electronic warmer sent a flash of irritation across his mind, a reminder that nothing he tried to start would be finished without distraction after distraction. Pouring the tea carefully, he carried the cup back out to his guest, "I'm sorry it took so long, Maya-san."

Taking the drink, she set it down on the table before her. Reaching back out, she grabbed his hand and hauled with all of her strength, "Sit. Please."

Shinji allowed himself to be pulled down onto the couch, "I have a lot of paperwork to do, Maya-san." He found himself with her suddenly sitting sideways on his lap, "Maya-san-"

"No." She frowned at him, "Shinji, you're running away." Reclaiming her cup, she eyed him warily.

"I'm…what?" He blinked, "I'm just going over to the table." He gestured to the pile of paperwork yet to be done.

Taking a calm sip, she raised her eyebrow at him, "Have you talked to anyone about what happened on the train?"

Shinji felt his hand clench, "Maya-"

She interrupted smoothly, "If an Angel attacked directly on the heels of another Angel, what would you do?"

"I'd fight it," he screwed his face up, "what does that ha-"

"If they just kept coming?" She took another calm sip, "If Angel after Angel kept attacking?"

"I'd keep fighting until overwhelmed," he cast his thumb towards NERV, "I ran that drill, wha-"

"Why not retreat?" Her eyes were unforgiving, "Why not take a step back, trust everyone else to hold the line for a moment, and try to find a better angle to attack from?" Another sip.

"Because conventional weapons don't work," Shinji gave up trying to ask why she was asking. "I'm the only effective defense right now, until we figure out what happened with Unit-00, or Unit-02 arrives."

"So you recognize that back-up is there," she tilted her head, "you just don't trust it?"

"It's not Rei-san's fault," Shinji protested quickly. "Something happened t-"

Maya snapped, "Akagi happened!" Scowling back at Shinji, she tossed back the last of her tea, then set the cup firmly down on the table, "She introduced an anesthetic into Unit-00's LCL mixture, then masked it with pain relievers. So now will you be angry with her? Now that it's not you she hurt, but your 'wingman'?" Crossing her arms, she laid her shoulder against his sternum, resting her head on his chest, "Not everything is your fault, Shinji. You couldn't stop her from nearly killing us all by hurting Rei-chan just as the Angel attacked, and you couldn't stop her from nearly raping you half a day after Horaki-san was struck and killed."

"Half a…." Shinji looked down, trying to piece together the timeline of events.

"I'm cold, Shinji," she pulled his arm up and hugged herself with it. "You're right. I've been running non-stop. I've been working on coding, working on the transition plan for my taking over the Science Division, working to help Hikari, Nozomi, and Kodama, working to help you, I've been running myself ragged and I see you doing the exact same thing!"

He could feel her trembling under his arm, _She's chilly. Where have they had her working? The freezers?!_ "I'll go get a blanket for you, Maya-san."

"You're my blanket for right now," she groused, reaching back for his other arm. "Please, Shinji…just…talk to me." Wrapping the paired mate to her already captured limb, she pled for him to listen, "I've seen things I never thought possible, Shinji. Please…just talk to me about what happened on the train, tell me about the evil she did. I need to know the depths she fell to." Her voice dropped to a whisper, fear carrying cleanly through, "I never want to become her, Shinji. I don't want to have what happened to her, happen to me."

"Maya-san?" Kodama's voice sounded from the stairwell, "Are you ok?" Hurrying over, the trained nurse slipped around the far end of the sofa, "You're not hurt, are you?"

"I'm fine," she lied reassuringly. "I just…had an exhausting day at work. Shinji was telling me about everything I missed here, apparently he's had a lot of paperwork to do. I'm sorry I haven't been able to be here, I shouldn't even really be here now. I'm expected back at work in five hours. I'll be getting off with just enough time to make the funeral, then it's back to work."

Kodama nodded, "He's been unstoppable. It's been a huge help, with everything going on. I've been on the phone, or working with Daddy's coworkers, all day." Sitting down, she reached over and rubbed Shinji's arm, "If it weren't for him, I'd probably be snapping at every little thing my sisters did." Her eyes seemed to flick between Maya and the lone male tenant, "I was thin-"

"Kodama-nee-saaaaaaan!" Nozomi's voice carried from upstairs, "What's taking so long?!"

"Damn it," the eldest sister flinched at the outburst as soon as she uttered it. "Sorry. Sorry." With a sigh, she stood up, "Please, Maya-san, stay. Shinji, find her some bedding. I don't want her travelling home like this, and we have space to spare." She was around the back of the couch before she spoke again, "I'd like to ask you a few things, Maya-san, so make sure to wake me up before you leave. I'll make breakfast." Before either could respond, she was jogging back upstairs.

He looked over towards his room, "Do you want to stay, Maya-san?" Shinji readied himself to act either way, there were things that needed to be done, and he needed to be about them. _I can put her in my bed, Hikari and Kodama can sleep upstairs. I haven't slept since the day before…I don't need sleep. I'm not human, and only humans need sleep._

"If Kodama-san needs me here." Maya slumped, anticipating that she'd be in for an argument, "I need to talk to you, Shinji. I need you to tell me what happened, because…because I believe you about Ritsuko."

His neck creaked as his head rotated mechanically down to look at her, "I'm sorry?"

"Something happened to her, Shinji. I saw the recording from inside her lab during the Fourth Angel's attack, it was…confusing. The camera's focus was off, and it was shaking…violently. It sounded like…no." She shook herself, "Not until you tell me, Shinji. I don't want to contaminate your story with my information."

Shinji blinked, _Ok. Triage. How can I make this happen? She needs sleep, I need to know what she knows…._ "I'll talk to you as you fall asleep," standing was accomplished easily, he wasn't even slightly burdened by her additional mass. Carrying her over to his room, he forced the door open with his foot, "I'll be back down in a few seconds, I need to tell everyone that I'm putting you in my room so they don't disturb you." He had her on her feet and stepped clear to make sure she could stand on her own, "Please, feel free to use the bathroom, or anything else you may need. I'll be right back." Without waiting for a response, he spun around and ran to the stairs, bouncing up the flight three at a time. Spying Idunn at the end of the hall, he frowned, _What did she hear? For that…why is she up here?_

"Shinji?" Hikari walked out of her room, handing Idunn a picture before turning to face him, "Is everything ok?" He could feel her concern, her readiness to drop everything and anything to help, and it cut him to the bone.

"I'm putting Maya-san in my room for the night, she's not safe to travel, and she has to be back at NERV in less than five hours. I just don't want anyoooonnnnnne…uhm…." His eyes lost focus as the fact that he was admitting to his girlfriend that he was putting another woman in his bed finally climbed to the top of his priority stack, causing everything else to run for cover as the loudspeaker geared up for its nightly rendition of 'Shinji's a Pervert'.

"Calm," Hikari's touch drew him back to the hallway from points beyond. "I think that's a good idea, we'll make sure she has a good meal before she has to go back in. Did she say that she'll make it to the funeral?"

"Yes." He nodded reflexively, _I am the worst._

"Once you have her settled in, why don't you come up?" She smiled gently, "My bed is big enough for us both, and I'd really rather not sleep alone. Kodama's going to crash with Nozomi, so everyone's taken care of once you have Maya-san down for the night."

"Thanks," Idunn waved the picture, the subject of which he couldn't quite make out, as she headed for the stairs. "I'll let you handle Sir Freaksoutalot's meltdown. I'm going to get my people settled in for the night, and I'll be back tomorrow morning early for your exercise, Shinji." She patted his shoulder as she passed, "Your wife has the right to accept things you do, you know. If she's ok with it, you should probably trust yourself more." Trotting down the stairs, the tall agent was out of sight quickly.

"Should I come down with you?" Hikari had a momentary urge to throw something heavy at Iðunn, she had seen Shinji begin to relax only to clench up entirely at the word 'wife'. Turning back to her boyfriend, she kept her voice in the same placid tone she knew worked best, "If you can handle it, I need to get ready for bed myself. But if you think you might need help, I'll be happy to come down."

"N-no." He shook his head jerkily, "J-just…telling. I-I-I…."

"You're fine," rubbing her hands along his chest, she smiled encouragingly. "You offered what you had so that she wouldn't be forced to sleep on the couch or find a way home when she's tired. I'm happy that my boyfriend, my best friend, my partner, is the kind of man that thinks of others like you do." Guiding him back towards the stairs, she worked her hand along his spine, "You're doing everything I could ask you to, Shinji. I know you're hurting, just as I am, and I'm just grateful that you're here by my side."

His mind, as it tended to, picked up on the odd detail out, "B-best friend?"

"Who else would it be?" She leaned against the railing, "I trust you, Shinji. Even before everything you told me last night, I trusted you. Now that I know where you've come from, if only part of it, I know that you're exactly the man I thought you to be." Once he was two steps down, she bent over the railing and pressed a kiss to his cheek, "Now, go take care of our friend. Don't worry about hurrying, ok? I want to take my time getting clean tonight, tomorrow's going…it's going to be hard. Go on, scoot," she urged him on.

 _She trusts me._ Shinji tried to make sense of his emotions, the good and bad tangling violently in his mind. Moving swiftly once he was on the ground floor, he paused to knock on his door, "Maya-san?"

The panel slid open, "Is everything ok?" She stood bleary-eyed in a borrowed t-shirt, the length more than enough to cover her to just above her knees, "I was getting ready to come and find you." Gently running her hands along his arms, she looked him over, "You seem ok…."

 _She really is rather attractive._ "I'm…." _Stop it._ "I'm fine, Maya-san. I just had to stop and talk to Idunn-san and Hikari-san, there was some confusion I created, and everyone's ok." He gestured with an open hand towards his bed, "Go ahead and lay down. I'll sit at my desk and…I don't know," moving over and dropping into his chair, he scrubbed his hands over his face, "where should I start?"

Maya was far too tired to think through her actions, and so when she reached the bed she bent over double to pull the cover off. The large shirt billowed out and down, exposing her preferred style of undergarment, as well as the fact that while she may not be as generously endowed as Ritsuko or Misato in the chest, what she had was well-formed.

Shinji snapped his head back, cracking the back of his skull against the wall. While he felt no pain, the noise it made was clear enough to indicate that he'd bounced his head off of the wall and corkboard, "Sorry!" _What the hell is wrong with me? Hikari tells me she trusts me and the first thing I do is ogle the woman she's trusting me with!_

Maya twisted, landing on her finely sculpted rear and blinking in startled curiosity towards the man she adored, "A-are you ok? What happened?" She made to stand back up, only halting when Shinji held out a hand asking her to stay, "Shinji, you're hurt!"

"I'm fine," he risked a glance, and seeing that she was mostly covered, lowered his face enough that he could watch her forehead. "I just…wasn't paying attention. Where did you want me to start?"

"If you're sure," she waited for him to nod, then sighed, "ok. When she…came onto you, it wasn't just the temptation to enjoy a beautiful woman, was it?" She slumped down to the pillows, inadvertently exposing a great deal of thigh, "For a while I thought that you were just having a hard time saying 'no' to someone as alluring as she can be. It wasn't, though, was it?"

"N-no," _What do I tell her?_

"It has to do with the music, doesn't it? The song you heard during the fight with Unit-00," she looked to the door, then back to him, "the song that I heard when you were pulling on the door to…lab two."

 _She knows. I forgot that she saw me do that!_ "Maya-"

"I'm not going to tell anyone," she curled into a ball, holding her knees. "I just…just put it all together when I heard something similar on the tapes of the accident during the Fourth Angel." She peered at him over her knees, "You mentioned that Unit-00 was swaying, and when I mentioned harmonics I saw Ritsuko…smile. Like she was proud of you for solving a question on her blackboard."

"The song…." He sighed, then began to hum the melody that had been haunting him around the bottle blonde, keeping time with his toes, he worked through two of the bars before he shook his head, "It messes with my head. Crawls into my mind and…it feels like it's lulling me to sleep, like it wants me to be in that weird state where you're not quite awake, but you aren't dreaming?"

"It's eerie," she agreed. "I don't feel anything though, when I hear it from you, or from the tape. Not like I do when I heard the song you…I don't know, projected? When you were begging the door to open, I thought you were just dealing with the trauma by humming a comforting song, but the more I thought about it the more I began to doubt that you would do something like that. You're too quiet when you're afraid, you mutter, you don't hum or sing."

"You…heard the Song of Water." Shinji sighed, he couldn't lie, and he knew she'd not believe him if he tried.

"And again, when you got angry in the kitchen. I looked around, and nobody else seemed to hear anything. I even asked Misato-san if she saw the radio so I could turn it off." She snorted, "She asked me if I was drunk, worrying about a stereo when you were close to leaving."

 _It explains why they didn't come try to stop me. Misato was berating Maya, and Maya was putting things together._ Shinji nodded, "The Song of Thunder. It…it almost saved me during the train ride. When I get angry…enough, I guess, I hear it." He fidgeted with his hand, running his thumb around his palm, "Y-you're the only one who knows, Maya-san."

"Maya, Shinji," she rolled to her feet, then walked over and dropped into his lap, "please. If nothing else on Earth that you could ever give me, please, just use my name. Don't push me to a distance, don't treat me like I'm somehow above you, don't look at me and think that I'm somehow going to hurt you." With her legs both to a single side of his, she curled her arms around his neck and buried her face in his chest, "Because I've already hurt you. If I had pushed earlier, you would have been living with me and not Misato-san. You would have been dating Hikari, and never had that accident." Tears wet his shirt, as she sobbed out, "You'd…still be…you."

 _You'd be dead,_ the dark whisper called out darkly. _If you hadn't chosen to accept the changes, she'd have left you in your own world. You, and everyone you love, would have died during Third Impact. It was only a matter of time in this world before you became soaked in the life's blood. Before she changed you into what you are now._

"I-it's not your fault," hugging the crying woman in his lap, Shinji struggled to think of what he could do.

 _You could always use the Song of Morning,_ the gentle whisper offered. _It brings the promise of a new start, of fresh beginnings. It might soothe her spirit._

 _As much as I'm loathe to admit this, you need this one,_ the dark whisper sighed. _Letting her slip into despair and madness will only complicate everything._

 _It's only around ten in the evening,_ Shinji cast out his thought.

 _Yes, idiot, because there just happens to be the perfect environmental conditions for lightning each time you've used that song. Do you ever turn on th-_

 _Enough,_ the gentle whisper cut its peer off. _I am in agreement with the half-breed, and am beginning to tire of your constant derision. He is growing, as you've demanded he grow. If you cannot temper your expectations, then you need to at least accept that he progresses further, faster, than any before him._

 _Whatever. The Song, Shinji. Morning, Daytime, they have nothing to do with the position of the planet in relation to the sun. It's a physical constant, not a changing parameter. It's just stronger when your perspective matches the request._ The dark voice seemed to become duller, _Just focus._

Shinji knit his brow together, concentrating on what the whisper had told him. The Song of Morning was a song about new starts, fresh beginnings…. _It's a song about hope._ The thought struck him out of the blue, and he thought back to his desperate gamble against the Fifth Angel, how he raised his hand for that final blow. _I refused to give up, to let it beat me. I refused to give up hope._

The tune came to him swiftly as he immersed himself in the memory. A long, flowing, song without much in the way of embellishments or complications. It carried a sense of anticipation, of a poorly-hidden desire to act. Whereas the Song of Water had brought with it an ancient colossus, and the Song of Thunder a deep, abiding, anger…the Song of Morning seemed to be filled with a youthful enthusiasm just waiting to be unleashed upon the world around it.

Swaying back and forth to the song's measure, Shinji kept his delivery to quiet choral vocalizations. He was nowhere near the vocalist Hikari was, to his knowledge, and he didn't want to ruin the effort with any terrible karaoke. As he carried forth, he became aware of Maya relaxing. Her grip on the back of his neck growing slack, her breathing evening out. It wasn't long before he felt her slip down, catching her without stopping the Song.

 _She's asleep,_ he sighed mentally. _I still have questions…but I think I have a better idea of what to ask, now. She saw what happened to Ritsuko, in a way. She knows about the songs. She can help, I just need to make time to ask her for it._

"Shinji," Hikari's whispered voice came from the doorway. "Need help?"

He looked over to see his girlfriend in a just-short-of-form-fitting nightgown, her gaze earnest and free of accusation. Not wanting to quit the Song yet, afraid that it might end up waking Maya when she so clearly needed the rest, he nodded and tilted his head towards his bed. It might have been the Song's effect carrying over to his own mind, or it might have been the fact that his girlfriend was the most wonderful human he'd ever known, but as he watched Hikari hurry over to set things up for him to shift Maya into his bed he made a decision that he otherwise might not have made. The sight of his guardian placed in a comfortable position, then covered over with blankets, brought a slight smile to his lips. _It helped._ He looked to see Hikari grin at him, _I've…I did something good._

Shinji quietly took Hikari's hand, leading her out of the room. Switching off the dim light and quietly closing the door, he turned to consider the woman he loved, "Have I ever told you…that you're the most beautiful woman I've ever known?" His eyes searched hers, "That…even though I'm nowhere near worthy of you, and I've…I've caused changes from my own timeline that I can't undo…I need you, Hikari. I need you so much." Enfolding her in his arms, he held her as gently as a newborn lamb, "I need you to save me. …I…I need…."

"Then that's what I'll do," she responded in calm, measured, tones. "I don't know what I'm saving you from, yet, but I'll do everything I can." He felt her hands grip his shirt, "Because I love you, Shinji Ikari. Because I was wrong, in my note. I have one star to guide me, and that's all I need." Tugging on him, she lifted up on her toes and kissed him softly, "Let's go to bed, my love. Tomorrow…tomorrow is another day. We'll need each other, and others will need us."

Shinji nodded mutely, the lingering chords of the Song quivering with pleasure at having been used by him.

 _Hope._

+++++ 5th Angel + 6 : Thursday (35)

"Maya-san," Kodama gently shook the woman she knew needed to be getting ready to leave for work. "Maya-san!"

"Just five more minutes…." She batted ineffectually at the air, "Shinji's singing to me. I don't want to interrupt."

"Shinji's in the kitchen," Kodama giggled, enjoying the display of girlishness from a woman that wasn't much older than she was herself. "He's making you a fantastic breakfast, and he's not wearing a shirt."

The statement seemed to penetrate the fog of sleep, and Maya sat upright, "He what now?"

"No shirt. All muscle. And bacon." Kodama bit her tongue to stop from grinning like a maniac, "He's even brewing coffee."

"Don't just stand there, woman," Maya felt like a million yen. "Help me up!" Offering her hand, she accepted the leverage and got her feet under her. "Why isn't he wearing a shirt?" Moving to the bathroom to scrub some water on her face, she threw the question over her shoulder, "He's cooking with something that spits grease, he'll hurt himself."

"I've seen Shinji fight monsters from beyond the veil of time and space, Maya-san," Kodama snorted. "He was struck with lasers that melted skyscrapers without leaving permanent scars. It will take a lot more than bacon sizzling to do any harm to him." Leaning against the doorframe, she rocked her head back and forth in thought, "Maya-san…do you feel…I don't know, like everything's going to be ok?"

 _Do you mean like a fantastic man sang you to sleep, put you in his bed, treated you like a perfect gentleman should, and then when you woke up had breakfast waiting for you?_ Maya swallowed her joy, not wanting to either intrude on the Horaki's generosity or their period of mourning. "With Shinji in your life, Kodama-san, you should absolutely feel like everything will be ok. He's doing everything he can to help you, and I'm so very, very proud of him." Looking at her own reflection, she felt a twinge of jealousy, and smothered it as best she could.

The eldest Horaki's face became visible in the mirror, "Does he have a nice singing voice?"

 _Yes._ "I was too tired to really pay attention," she lied fluently. "I came over to comfort him, and he ended up making sure that I was ok. I intend to make that up to him, today."

"Come on," Kodama tugged on her guest's shirt. "Time's short, and you need to get food in you."

As she headed out of the room, Maya noticed that Kodama was wearing a cropped t-shirt and boxers, "Do…you always walk around like that?" It was hard for her to not feel self-conscious, as the younger woman frankly radiated sex appeal. Curves in all of the right places, toned flesh with just a hint of muscle, she was a vision to be sure. _Why are all of the beautiful women in my life beyond my reach, insane, or not interested?_

"Of course," Kodama kept her speaking voice even, "if I want to have any chance of Shinji actually eyeing me, I need to show him something to eye."

The lone male of the house rolled his eyes from the table, where he was setting out the last touches on a quartet of breakfast plates, "Kodama." He raised his eyebrow, "I told you earlier: if I date anyone other than Hikari, she's free to date other people. If she dates some other guy, it would…hurt. I'm not comfortable enough in myself to…see some other guy touching her and not…." He clenched his hand, "I'm just not built that way."

"And there's nothing wrong with that," Hikari set down a teakettle. "But I told you already, I wouldn't date another man that wouldn't date you, and you're not bisexual." She patted his abs, "You're looking for a reassurance that I've already given Shinji. There's only one man for me, and that's just the way it is."

"Which is why I can't date Kodama too," he looked at his girlfriend. "If I don't provide equal treatment to you, what kind of monster am I?"

"You are providing equal treatment," Hikari sighed, worried that he might never understand her, "you're not dating other men."

"And you asked me to not date anyone but you," he stated quietly. "Right before you kicked Toji-san's butt."

She grimaced at the memory, "And I'm letting you out of that, because it's Kodama. Because it's how _we're_ built." Hikari gestured to her sister, "This feeling is only once in a lifetime, Shinji. I'm not going to force her to pretend not to love you because I fell into your arms. She's not going to push me out, for the exact same reason! We're family. We share our joys, our sorrows…it's what Daddy would want us to do."

"I have a solution," Kodama interjected. "If we can sit down and enjoy a quick breakfast without you two going in circles?"

"I'm sorry," Shinji ducked his head. "I'm being rude, please," he pulled out Hikari's chair, then moved to pull one out for Maya as Kodama pushed the Captain towards him. "Is there anything you see missing, Maya-s…Maya?" He smiled apologetically, reminding himself of the request she'd made the night before.

"No, thank you Shinji. Everything looks wonderful." She smiled over to Hikari, "Thank you for letting me borrow him for a few moments last night, I know you need your boyfriend right now."

"That," Kodama tapped her plate, "is part of my solution."

"Go on," Hikari rolled her hand. "I know you won't be quiet until you get it out. I'm going to eat while you talk, and so is Maya-san." Patting Shinji's bare shoulder, she murmured a thanks to him for the meal.

"Well, I happen to be in possession of some information that I think is important to share." Kodama looked to Maya, "It turns out that there are a lot of women interested in our Shinji."

"Kodama-san," Maya's tone became full of a heartfelt warning.

"No. Listen," the nurse gestured to Hikari, "she knows already."

"About Maya-san being interested in Shinji?" Hikari nodded, "Yes. But she gave me her word, and I trust her. She's not like Akagi-san, or even Misato-san. I've known Maya-san was interested in Shinji from the first time I met her."

"She…." Shinji looked between Hikari and Maya, "I…uhm…." _Trust._ "Before I left on the train…."

"I kissed him," Maya admitted before Shinji could spin himself up further. "I had meant it to be the opening in asking something, and it was entirely my decision. It wasn't 'friendly', and it wasn't short. Had I known how far things would go on his trip, I wouldn't have dreamed of even contemplating it." She looked to Kodama, "I gave Hikari my word later that evening, and I think it's very honorable what Shinji's doing. I reg-"

"Nope," Kodama held up her hand, interrupting. "You don't regret kissing him, and you know it." Looking to Shinji, she gave him a meaningful look, "Lie to me and tell me that you don't think she's attractive."

"That's not the point," Maya slapped the table, drawing everyone's attention back to her and away from the young man she wished to protect. "I'm attracted to you, Kodama, it doesn't mean we're going to start dating, much less kissing. Attraction only indicates that you find them appealing, it doesn't mean a thing other than that."

"I think it's a fair solution," Kodama forced herself to maintain composure. "It would give Hikari someone that Shinji could trust, and those nights when Shinji and I are out and about it stops him from worrying that my sister's going to go wandering."

"What about you?" The once-mousey captain sat back, crossing her arms, "What about those nights where Shinji, Hikari, and I would be 'out and about'? What would stop Shinji from wondering if you were looking for someone else?"

"It's a solid counterargument," Hikari nodded. Tapping Shinji's plate with a significant look to start him eating, she turned back to her sister, "It would simply shift the fear from me to you."

"But I'm not _going_ to leave," Kodama rolled her eyes. "I'm not going to go looking for a cheap food stand when I have a gourmet restaurant waiting for me at home."

"Nor am I," Hikari gestured to Maya, keeping her eyes locked on her sister, "someone as pleasant, pretty, and comforting to be around as Maya-san might have once been a lovely addition to my life. But I asked Shinji to date me, and me alone. I'm making an exception for you, because the only people on Earth that I might hold more dearly than him is you and Nozomi." Shifting Shinji's drink closer to him, she shook her head, "I'm not going to push him to accept more. He has enough people pushing and pulling, I refuse to be one of them."

Kodama grimaced, her temper squirming under the surface, "Can…we at least consider it?" She subconsciously attacked the weakest portion of the wall and appealed directly to Shinji, "We don't have to do it right now. Just…try thinking it over. See how it feels when you give it some thought."

"It won't happen," Maya stated firmly. "Yes, I think he's a marvel. Yes, I'd happily him, if he were single. If Hikari and he were interested in someone like me, I'd jump at the chance. But Hikari herself has said that she's not interested. That's all that needs to be said, I'm never going to ignore a 'No'." Turning back to Shinji, she reached over and laid her hand gently on his wrist, "I'm not _her_."

"Neither is she," Shinji stated glumly. "Ritsuko-san isn't in control of herself." Looking back to Kodama, he nodded, "I'll think about what you're asking, Kodama. It's…it's never too much to ask that I consider what it is that someone wants of me."

"Shinji," Maya cut off when Hikari held up her hand.

"You will accept the answer, Kodama, when he comes to his decision." The same young woman that had threated Suzuka was now back at the table with her sister. "If he says, 'No', then that is the end of it. If he won't date _anyone_ but me, I will not force him to. I love you, dearly, but he is not my toy to wave about and direct."

"What about you?" Maya asked curiously, "I wouldn't just be dating Shinji, I'm not just interested in him."

"Shinji is the person who will decide," Hikari shrugged simply. "I will say that what I asked of him in the grocery store was…from a place of deep-seated fear. I wasn't as secure in our relationship then, and I let myself become convinced that he was a different man than he is. If he feels that he can accept a larger family, then I will support him. He knows my tastes, he knows the kind of person I will accept. If he can't accept anyone else, then I will support him." Her voice became cold as she turned to consider her sibling, "Either way, I _will_ support him."

"…Fine," Kodama looked down at her plate, unwilling to hold her sister's gaze. "But unlike Maya-san, I'm planning on convincing him to let me in."

"That's your decision," with a happy smile at Shinji, Hikari looked between his food and him meaningfully. "I am done doubting the man I love. I'm going to live whatever life I have remaining secure in the knowledge that he loves me deeply. It's what our mother did, and it's why Daddy was happy with my choice." She tapped his nose, "I have the best man on Earth, and nothing will change that."


	36. Chapter 36

+++++ 5th Angel + 6 : Thursday (35)

Shinji leaned with his elbows on a railing, watching the valley below go about their day as the world carried on. The ceremony was over, the remaining tasks allowing only his daughters to remain with the priests by tradition. Though they had asked if he wanted to stay, Shinji didn't feel right in asserting a claim to being a child of Toshiro's. It was wonderful being supported by him, knowing that he had the man's faith…and it hurt all the more knowing that there might still be some way in which he was responsible for his untimely demise.

"You know," Maya approached, her dress shoes clacking against the ground in order to avoid startling the man she adored, "I never did find out why you weren't wearing a shirt this morning." Leaning next to him against the railing, she followed his gaze, "It seems out of character for you."

 _What was I to him?_ "I had nothing clean." Plucking at his dress shirt, he shrugged, "I had intended to do laundry when I got back from Jet Alone, and then…everything. Then a long day of paperwork, of arranging everything, then you showed up. I wasn't going to go into my room again, risk waking you."

"I'm sorry," she turned to consider him. "You've done a great job, Shinji. You've supported them when they needed you most. I know how frustrating it must be, needing answers but not having…privacy. Or time. I'll do what I can to get you information about the L-Nine, about what's happened to Akagi-san." Looking around, she leaned in, "I'll try to find time for you and I to talk, without anyone else. About the 'songs', ok?"

"Captain," Kozo's voice carried a great deal of fatigue, and when he joined them at the railing it seemed as if he'd aged another twenty years, "if you would be so kind as to have them bring the car around. I need to have a few words in private with…Pilot Ikari."

"Of course, sir," Maya saluted crisply and nodded to Shinji before leaving.

 _Never enough time_. Shinji returned to his contemplation of the town below. Whatever it was that the Sub-Commander needed to say, he could say to the side of his head just as easily as he could to the front. There was a flock of birds circling around a tree, their cries to one another barely audible, it made a much more compelling sight than the man that he had failed.

"Your father, the Commander, has much to answer for." Kozo seemed to recognize that Shinji was processing everything in his own way, and left the preamble out, "I would apologize for not being able to protect you, but we both know that apologies ultimately are meaningless. I've been in contact with General Benoit, who has asked that I make certain changes in our command structure for the time being. He has also, however, asked that you and Pilot Ayanami be made available for an inquest."

"I agreed to it," Shinji sighed. "I don't know what they think they'll be able to get from me, since nobody tells me anything, but in order to put people that might be able to protect the Horaki family in place I agreed." He shook his head, "I didn't agree to having Rei-san there, though. I wouldn't have."

"I know," the old professor seemed to think for a moment. "I'm going to ask something personal, Pilot, if I may?"

 _He thinks I'm angry at him. He thinks that I'm angry at anyone but_ him. "I don't blame you, sir." Shinji's hands clenched on the railing, his anger roiling in his gut, "There's only one person to blame, and he'd never have bothered asking me if he could speak to me person-to-person." Finally turning to face the man he was speaking with, he stood tall, a crash of thunder rolling across the sky, "Please. Just…did my father order Toshiro-san killed?" _I'll march into his office and tear his head from his body._

It was Kozo's turn to gaze out into the village as he spoke, "No. While I can…easily, see that you would think him willing to resort to any means necessary to accomplish his goals, he is not the kind of man that would murder someone just because you discovered him spying on you." Turning his head to face the young pilot, he smiled sadly, "He's cooperating, as much as he's ever cooperated, with the same inquest you are. There were a series of…gross miscommunications regarding your trip to the Proving Grounds."

Shinji's hands went cold. The mid-day sky freezing him despite the heat.

"The Commander assumed that there would be security personnel travelling with you. The two Agents that have grown familiar with you, Mikoto-san and Akane-san? He had approved their presence, to provide security during the train trip for you and Doctor Akagi. The orders, however, went through Section Two. Section Two discussed the trip with Akagi, who declined to involve them citing their failures to date." Kozo looked back out towards the village, "When he discovered that not only had they been left behind, but that he hadn't been informed of the decision, he terminated the Head of Section Two. The Sub-Section Head as well."

He couldn't believe it, "No…."

"He will never be 'father of the year', but he will also never take shortcuts with your physical well-being, Shinji. You are far too important, not only to the world…but to him." Sighing, he righted himself, "But that's not what we're here to discuss. I wanted to ask you, if I may," turning to look at the taller youth, Kozo's lip curled in a slight smile, "to please take care of the Horaki girls. I wish I could be more of a presence in their lives, that I wasn't legally required to live at my desk, but with everything that's going on I'm not going to be there for them."

 _He wasn't murdered._ "It…was just an accident." His cheek twitched, the only visible sign that he was animate.

"Stupid, senseless, idiocy, Shinji. It was no 'accident', it was someone intentionally putting their own comforts ahead of those of the rest of mankind." Kozo reached over, patting Shinji's arm, "The driver has been found. They'll be tried, face justice, and…it will never be enough for me. A good man, Shinji, was killed by drunken idiocy." Spying motion beyond the young pilot, he sagged, "I need to go. If we're going to have everything in place to save the world, I need to stop prioritizing my own selfish needs." Bowing politely, he walked past Shinji towards the waiting car, "Take care of them, Shinji. You're the only person in the world I trust to."

All of the subsumed rage, the unflinching anger that he had directed at the one man he knew _could_ have done the unthinkable, shifted. Now there was nothing for him to tether it to, and the Song of Thunder became confused. He couldn't be angry at Ritsuko, she couldn't control herself. She'd been changed beyond anything resembling normal. He couldn't be angry at his father…the man had not only done far more than he'd imagined him doing, he'd done far less than he'd feared. There was nothing, now. No place to sequester the burning hatred, nowhere to direct the symphony. Clenching his fist as if he were massaging the heart of the planet itself, his head began to twitch as the muscles of his neck bunched, the desire to do something destructive becoming uncontainable.

"Excuse me," a young woman spoke from nearby.

Shinji flicked his eyes over to the speaker, recognizing her as the shrine maiden who had stood in the back observing the ceremony, "I-I'm sorry." He swallowed, trying to force the anger away enough to be civil to the person who attempted to help bring solace to his housemates, "I shouldn't…."

"Anger is a perfectly rational response to the loss of someone you care for," she took a slow step closer. "It is often said that nobody is alone in experiencing a death, though it remains an intensely personal journey." Her long, straight, black hair glowed in the day's light, "Forgive me, I haven't yet introduced myself." Bowing simply, she spoke once she raised back straight again, "My name is Rei Hino, I have the honor to tend to the spirits of this place."

"Shinji Ikari," he bowed in return, a far jerkier movement than he'd managed in the recent past. His anger and despair were forcing him to think about what he did, which was preventing his form from accomplishing with grace what it was that he intended.

"Ikari-san," another step put her close enough to reach out and touch him should she choose, "it is no great leap of logic to say that you are highly agitated. Though I feel that perhaps the loss of the departed is not the sole contributing factor. I find that when I am angry, or do not know what to do, that I do best with a walk around the grounds. The young women who hold your heart in their hands will be some time still with my grandfather and the other priests," she gestured regally towards the path surrounding the temple, "please, accompany me."

The decision was made when he realized it would be rude to deny her request, and while he was quivering with the effort of corralling his wrath, he wouldn't allow himself to be impolite. A single step towards the direction she'd indicated was enough to set her in motion as well, and he soon fell in step alongside of the placid stranger.

"Do you keep to the faith of your nation, Ikari-san?" Her eyes remained on the path ahead, her tone soothing.

"I…wasn't really taught much of it." _More like none of it._

"A shame. For some, religion is a great help during trying times. Though, considering your vocation, it might also be said that a degree of agnostic leaning wouldn't be remiss." She nodded, "Am I wrong to say that you would agree that there is more than what can be touched at work in the world?"

"No," he shook his head, "I know that there's more to the world around us than what we can see. I just…."

She covered for his pause, "The ordering of the disorderly, it can be difficult to express the sentiments sometimes." Holding out her hand, she seemed to summon a raven from the trees above, "There are things that happen that seem to have no purpose, perhaps other than to prove the purposelessness of life itself."

The raven appeared to eye Shinji, tilting its head one way, then the other. Clacking its beak a few times, it hopped along the young priestess' arm until it was comfortably riding on her shoulder opposite her head from him. A few flutters of its wings to put its feathers in place followed, the creature then calmed and seemed to become almost inanimate.

"You have a pet raven," Shinji deadpanned, amazement and bemusement dominating his mind.

"I have a friend, who happens to be a raven," she corrected. "Two, actually. Though the other is keeping watch over the funerary rights." Her hands were once more folded before her, as a proper lady would expect, "I suffered a dear loss once, a good woman I had for a time thought to be the greatest threat to my peace of mind. She fashioned adventure after adventure, saving many people despite somehow creating havoc in the doing…." A small smile curled her lips, "My school years did not lack for entertainment."

Shinji found that he couldn't quite place her age, and knew it was far too rude to ask. "I'm sorry for your loss."

"Do not be," she inclined her head slightly, "she died a hero. A man we thought our…ally, his spirit became unbalanced. Over the course of two nights he murdered…four young women, and it was only her actions that brought him down. She sacrificed herself because the authorities either could, or would, do nothing." Pausing at a sharp turn, she looked up at the young pilot, "You would have been an ally of hers…in another life."

He blinked, realizing that his anger had earlier melted away to only now be replaced by confusion, "I…don't know how useful I would be to someone as brave as her, Hino-san."

"Bravery is simply just the willingness to accept fear without giving it the freedom to do what it will." Her head tilted slightly to the side, "It is odd to hear you speak of bravery as a foreign concept, Ikari-san. Few would willingly accept the burden of defending the planet from skyscraper-sized monsters, to wear as armor a beast capable of such devastation as few have ever witnessed and lived. Fewer still would hide that it was they who fought when people came around to heap praise upon the victor." Her smile became rueful as she faced him fully, "Even fewer would eschew the affections of a host of eager young women smitten with lust."

Shinji frowned, mirroring her movement, "I…how do you know that? Any of that?"

"You are not alone, Shinji Ikari." She reached over and lightly touched his chest, over his heart, "There are others in this world, in other worlds, that struggle as you do. I wish I could tell you more, that I could share with you what it is that I have seen, but the words will not come."

"B-but you know?!" He reached up, timidly touching her forearm, "You can see what's happening to me?"

"It is not your fault." Her calm reserve faded slowly, "You have given everything you can think of, despite your youth. You are a child being asked to act as a man…and such a man as you has succeeded far beyond an uncountable number of your peers, or those that would claim to be your betters." A stream of tears began to leak from her eyes, "I am sorry, I…I…." Rubbing her eyes stiffly, she opened them again to reveal a joy that confused him further, "I know, now. Thank you, Shinji-kun."

"Th-thank…for what?"

"For being the kind of man you are, in any world you are in." Her smile matched her eyes, "You will one day come face to face with the multitudes again, in that great and terrible beast you pilot from. The shadows of what was, is, and will be. Do not judge them, or yourself, by what has been, or may come to be in other worlds."

His blood ran cold, the final proof that she knew far more than she should laid bare. _The fight against the Fourteenth!_

Her raven cawed, flapping its wings twice before taking off. "Make this world better, Shinji-kun, do not cling to the world you came from. Any world can be a paradise, if only good and steady people strive to make them so. The Shinji Ikari we know and love is more than good, greater than steady. In this world, Horaki-chan is fortunate indeed." Propping herself up on her toes, as graceful as any ballet dancer, she pressed a kiss to his lips, "If you someday find yourself in a land you don't recognize, beset by five young idiots, forgive them. I promise you…we'll never let you regret that."

"Mister Ikari?" A masculine voice drew his attention away from the young priestess, one of the people assigned to protect the Horaki family stood several paces back, calmly assessing the area as he carried the message for Shinji, "Miss Horaki is waiting. She asked if you were ready to leave?"

"I, uhm," he turned back to his temporary conversational partner, only to find an empty trail ahead. Looking around quickly, he could see no sign of her, nor any sign that she'd been on the walkway with him. "I was…."

"I talk to myself too, sir," the man shrugged. "When I have things I need to hear, but don't want others to worry over. My wife used to say it was a bad habit, but I think it's just a way of keeping things in perspective." Shifting so that Shinji could walk back the way he'd come, he smirked, "Don't worry, part of the service is keeping this kind of stuff to ourselves."

"Y-yes," _She was right here,_ "thank you." _I heard her. I_ felt _her._

"To be honest," the man took up a position to his side as they walked along, "it makes me feel a little better knowing that you do it too. If the guy responsible for piloting a gigantic robot against even bigger aliens talks to himself from time to time, I clearly can't be that bad for doing it."

Shinji just nodded, contemplating what he'd just seen as they moved along the trail. The journey back was far shorter, the two men moving with a purpose and not simply to free their mind from the grip of anger. As they approached the temple proper, he spied Hikari speaking quietly with the head priest as Kodama crouched talking soothingly to a sorrowful Nozomi. _I guess…maybe I did need to talk myself down. They don't need me angry right now._ Nodding to the agent as he parted ways, Shinji approached Hikari to apologize.

The caw of a raven preceded the bird alighting on his shoulder, clacking its beak and stomping its claws until it had a solid grip. "Phobos," the aged voice of the priest sighed with long-suffering patience, "do not startle the young man. He's just visiting."

Another caw, accompanied by an irritated flap of the bird's wings, brought a frown to the priest's face.

"It's ok, sir," Shinji looked cautiously at the raven. "I think I met his…friend, earlier."

"Deimos?" The priest nodded, misunderstanding, "I see. I see."

Phobos tilted his head so that he could stare at Shinji, _You are not alone, Shinji Ikari._

"Hello Phobos-san," Hikari came up to the bird, bowing politely, "I need my boyfriend. Would it be all right if we left? We have much to get done today." She startled slightly as Deimos came to a gentle landing on her shoulder, "Oh…dear." Showing no fear, only a mild concern that she might unintentionally injure the creature, she looked between it and its partner.

The old priest grimaced in acceptance, seeming to berate himself for missing a sign. "Children," he moved towards the pair, "I know that no words of condolence can truly banish the pain you feel, and that this is not the day to speak of glad tidings, so I would ask that when you have time…come visit. I'd like to share with you my granddaughter's story," he looked at Shinji, gauging his apparent age and missing the mark widely, "she'd likely have been about your age. About to graduate college, start her duties in earnest." A pained smile came to his lips, "If I understand these two busybodies correctly…she would have liked to help with your wedding."

"I'm sorry, honored sir," Shinji inclined his head politely, not wanting to bow with the raven on his shoulder, "I'm afraid my mind was…elsewhere when you introduced yourself. What did you say your name was?" _Was this her father's father?_

"This is Hino-san," Hikari re-introduced the priest, now ignoring the fact that she was perched upon. "Hino-san, this is my boyfriend, Shinji Ikari."

"Hino-san…." Shinji looked to Hikari, then between Phobos and Deimos, "I would like that, honored sir." _Any world can be a paradise…._ "Especially if one day I'm lucky enough to earn her favor in marriage." Hikari's face lit up beautifully, the simple comment brightening her mood immeasurably. "But I do need to get them home. If I don't start dinner soon, Nozomi-chan will be late in getting to bed."

"Of course, of course," the elderly priest clapped his hands, summoning the two birds from their respective shoulders. "Please, may the spirits keep you all safe on your journey home. And again, my condolences on your loss." Bowing easily despite the ravens moving about on his shoulders, the man turned and walked back into the temple.

"Nii-san," Nozomi tugged on Shinji's coat sleeve, "you had a bird on your shoulder." The littlest Horaki's energy was tempered with sadness, her usual exuberance nowhere to be seen.

"I did," Shinji crouched so that he was closer to eye level with the much shorter girl, "I think he was trying to tell me something." Spying movement just past Nozomi's head, he saw Rei Hino sitting on the railing in the distance, a sad, joyful, smile on her lips, "That even though bad things happen, they only have power if we let them. That we need to fight to make the world better, because the people that pass on before us are always watching to make sure we do what we can."

"That's right," Kodama hugged Nozomi from behind, "Daddy and mom are always with us, Sprout. They're cheering for us with all their might, and if we listen hard enough we can hear it."

He saw the ghost of the priestess blow him a kiss, fading away with a look of contentment that seemed far more familiar than he could understand. _I guess this is just one of those things._ Scooping up Nozomi, he held her close, _It can't be much more odd than travelling forward to go back in time. Who knows what other lives I've lived._ "Let's go home."

+++++ 5th Angel + 6 : Thursday (35)

"Shinji," Hikari was helping her boyfriend clean up the dishes after the first quiet family meal since Toshiro's passing, "what was it like?" She carried the glasses behind him into the kitchen, "Travelling through time?"

He gave it some thought, "…Sudden." Nodding to the word's merit, he ran the faucet to begin filling the sink, "One minute I'm out of battery power while fighting the Fourteenth Angel, speaking with…something. And then, I'm here. Standing by the pay phone trying to call Misato-san as the Third Angel tears through the city defenses, just as I was the first time." He narrowed his eyes, trying to dig through the grime of his memories, "I…know something happened between…." He shook his head, "I can't remember, though. It's like trying to remember the name of an actor. I can tell you the important parts, but I can't spit out the name, it's on the tip of my tongue but it won't fall off."

"So it wasn't painful?" Accepting the first of the cleansed dishes, she worked the towel around it to dry off the water before placing it in the appropriate cupboard, "That's good."

"If it was, I don't remember the pain," Shinji frowned. "I'm sorry, I can't remember, but I don't want to guess. It's too much like lying." He smiled when he felt her kiss his cheek suddenly.

"Don't fret over that, my silly Shinji. I know you'd never intentionally mislead me, besides," she giggled, "you're worse at lying than Nozomi." Shinji's phone rang, the tone indicating it was Misato, "I'll get that. Your hands are all wet and soapy." Reaching into his back pocket, she pulled out the phone and tapped the interface, "Hello, this is Shinji Ikari's personal secretary." She paused for a time, her smile sliding towards laughter, "He's washing the dishes, if you need I can put the phone to his ear?" Nodding slowly, she walked over to the nearby counter where a pad of paper was laid out with a nearby pencil, "Mm-hmm, I'll make sure he knows." Another small pause, "No, please, no worries. The world doesn't come to a halt because…bad things happen. If he's not ready the next time, I might lose him too. I'd rather suffer a little now, than…suffer for the rest of my life." Wiping a stray tear with her thumb, she forced a smile that the woman on the other end never saw, "Thank you, Misato-san. I appreciate that you were able to spend some time at the funeral, and please pass along my gratitude to Rei-san. I know that she's just as busy." Another pause, "Mm-hmm, good night."

As soon as she hung up, Shinji asked warily, "They're ready for testing?"

She read from her note, "Tomorrow, ten hundred, at the gantries." Smiling sadly, she began catching up with the drying, "She took me to task for calling myself your secretary. Said that it was 'beneath my abilities and dignity', she said I'd be an executive assistant, if nothing else, and that I should aim far higher than that."

"She's right," Shinji agreed easily. "You should aim as high as you can, Hikari. You have a brilliant mind, a kind heart, and the entirety of my support behind you." Looking over at her, he gave the first genuine smile he'd felt in ages, "I'd love to see you succeed at whatever you want to succeed at the most. To know that you'd reached your dreams…it'd mean more to me than anything."

"My dreams?" She pursed her lips, and tilted her head, looking up at the ceiling, "Whatever I wanted, hmm?"

He nodded eagerly, "Yeah, anything!" The hope that she'd have a long-term goal in mind, something that he could help her realize, thrilled him. He could walk behind her as she blazed a trail to success, supporting her as she needed, or simply standing back and observing greatness at work. Either way it would be worth it, to him, to be in her presence as she shared her glory with the world.

Striking a pose, she declared, "What if I wanted to be an idol?"

"We could find a talent manager, someone who wouldn't ask you to do…bad things," he'd heard too many stories of young women forced into taking jobs that they didn't want. He'd help her avoid that as much as she'd let him.

Putting the cup away, she turned like she was holding a gun, "Or a detective?"

"There should be several academies nearby," Shinji's eyebrow knit as he thought through the likely means of enabling success there. "I know that law enforcement became a desperately needed profession following Second Impact, and it still hasn't reached full capacity."

"What about if I wanted to be an astronaut?" She took the next plate, a clear glass dish that she held before her like an odd spacesuit helmet.

"If it's what you wanted," he shrugged, "I think that most astronauts start out in the military."

An odd look crossed her face as she lowered the plate, "You really would let me go where you couldn't follow, wouldn't you?"

"If it's what you wanted," Shinji nodded simply. "It's…it's like that popular English saying that Kawakami Sensei mentioned, 'If you love something very much, let it go. If it comes back to you, it was meant to be. If it never does, it was never yours to begin with.' If I love you…I need to let you do what you want to do, or it was never meant to be."

Her eyes softened as she smiled gently, "So you'll let me do what I want to do?"

"Yes. I love you, Hikari. I don't know what that truly means sometimes, because I've never…never loved someone before." Setting a dish back in the water, half cleaned, he leaned forward against the counter, "And it's not like I have the best example to go by, either. My father sent me to live with…a man that…." Closing his eyes, he shook his head, "Everything is either 'perverted' or 'unnecessary', and all I can think to do is the opposite of what _he'd_ do, but I don't even know what he did!" Letting his head fall back, he groaned, "Loving you may have cost you your father, Hikari. I'm-"

"Make love to me."

Shinji's world came to a screeching halt, "…sorry?"

"You said, just now, that you'll let me do what I want." Looking up at him, she ran her hand along his arm, "I want, Shinji, to become one with you." Another tear leaked free from her eye, ignored by her yet another knife in his heart, "Tomorrow a training accident could take you away from me. Tomorrow when you go to practice, you could be hit by a car. A million things could happen in life, Shinji, and I don't want to look back and regret that when I had the chance to love you with all of my heart…."

"I-it's j-just," _What do I do?_

"I want to marry you, Shinji." She beamed a smile through her tears, "All month I've been fighting myself, because I know that you don't know what you want out of life. I've been telling myself again and again that I need to be patient, that I need to let you come to terms with life, that my love is meaningless if it's not reciprocated." She laughed derisively, shrugging and throwing her hands up, "I know now exactly how mom felt. Waiting for a good man to come to grips with what they are." Palming her eyes, she wiped away the warm liquid, "I never thought it was possible, but here we are."

"B-but I'm not," Shinji shook his head. "I…I ran away, Hikari. Every chance I got, I ran. From Eva, from combat, from life, I ran and hid! I put my headphones in and buried myself in the same playlist on the S-DAT I carried everywhere." Wringing his hands, he looked down in dismay at the soapy water that now adorned his front, "I…damn it. I'll get a towel."

"Stop," Hikari interposed herself between him and the cabinet. "No more distractions." Taking him by the arm, she pulled him past the stairs, towards his room. "You and I are figuring this out. Sis," she looked to the couch, where the eldest Horaki was helping the youngest with schoolwork, "my boyfriend and I are not to be disturbed."

"I'll keep her out, nee-san," Nozomi waved airily. "I'm having a hard time with this lesson anyway."

"She was talking to me, Sprout," Kodama flicked her sister's ear.

Nozomi stuck her tongue out, "Yeah, but I'm not going to go in there while they're kissing. That's rude."

The door briskly shut behind him as he was pushed into the room. Turning, he saw Hikari standing with her arms crossed and her toe tapping as she thought. "What is your main opposition to us moving forward?"

Shinji boggled, "I…you…."

"Focus," she leaned forward enough that her position was clear. She was serious about finding the problem and attacking it.

"Yes, ma'am." Shinji stood straighter, recognizing the Class Rep from before in the one that stood before him now.

Striding past him to his chair, she sat down and folded her hands in her lap, "Let's get to the essence of your struggles. What are the top issues, Shinji. What is it that stops you from feeling like you and I should move forward?"

Looking towards his hamper, Shinji pulled out a towel and worked the soap and water from his hands, "Y-you just lost your father."

"And you have been here to help me through that," Hikari shrugged, confused. "Shinji, you and I marrying isn't going to make him any more or less dead. Yes, I hurt. Yes, I miss him dearly. No, I'm not over it. Even though all of that is true, I know he wouldn't want me to wallow in misery. And, even more important, I know he'd be happy that I have a man he trusted here to hold me at night when I start to cry."

"B-but, isn't it…disrespectful?" Shinji looked down and to the side, "Seeking…pleasure…."

"No." Hikari raised her finger to point at him, "You are not being perverted by thinking of me like that, and he wouldn't want us to stop being intimate because he isn't here any longer." Lowering her hand back down, she raised her chin slightly, "Now, what else is there?"

"You…." _Trust._ "He died because I came back, Hikari." Swallowing, he looked back at his girlfriend, "Even if…even if my father didn't order him killed, where I came from he was still alive."

Hikari sighed, shaking her head sadly as she stood, "I see." Two quick steps brought her to him, her hands on either side of his face, "I need you to listen, Shinji. I need you to not only hear the words I use, but take them to heart. Can you do that? Can you promise that you'll put them," she patted over his heart, "here?"

"I-I'll try," he nodded eagerly, wanting nothing more than to please the woman before him.

With each word she slapped her hand on his chest, "You. Did. Not. Kill. My. Father." Her gaze remained gentle, her words impassioned but kind, "If even the slightest bit of time travel theory is true, by coming back there was literally nothing you could do to improve your life without changing _everything_. You show up early for school, you save me. You save me, Kodama finds you. Kodama finds you, she saves you from Misato's peculiarities. By saving you from Misato, Misato changes to become a better person. By changing, she saves Rei. By saving Rei…who knows? Maybe one day, Rei will save your life."

 _You were to be driven slowly insane and I was to help you die._ The memory of Rei's words echoed through Hikari's.

"But there had to be consequences beyond that, Shinji," she continued. "You can't change where you stand without displacing air, and moving enough air can cause even further changes. It's all chaos past a certain point, with unintended consequences piling up where you never expected them." Her laugh was self-deprecating, "You saved me, Shinji. Where you're from, I never helped a young man that needed my help more than anything else. I kept pursuing _Toji_ ," she rolled her eyes, "Sakura never walked again. How much, Shinji? How much good do you have to do to feel like the chaos that follows isn't your fault?"

"B-but…."

"No, Shinji. No buts." She pinched the flesh of, and tugged on, his cheek, "He was _my_ father, Shinji. If I don't blame you, there is nobody on this planet that has the right to!" Holding his face on the one side, she narrowed her eyes, "This doesn't work with you. You don't feel pain."

"Shrry," he lisped out.

"You should be," she faux-pouted. "Taking away a woman's one power, so rude." Pulling him down, she kissed him thoroughly. After a pleasurable few moments, she rolled her forehead against his, "What else, Shinji? What else is stopping us?"

"…Doubt." He thrilled in her touch, in knowing that despite everything she loved him. He couldn't be certain he believed her about her father, nor could he so casually dismiss his death, "I…I know a woman like you can do better."

"I know I can't," she smiled sadly. "I can't name one man that I've ever met who puts such a high value on living for others. Even my father indulged in guilty pleasures, Shinji. Those chips you bought him? They were horrible for him, and he never ate them because when he saw how you acted, he knew he had to be better." Settling back, she searched his eyes, "I'll never find a better man, Shinji. This…what I feel, it isn't hormones. It isn't adolescent nonsense. This is a once-in-a-lifetime gift from whatever force that sent you back in time."

 _Careful,_ the gentle whisper cautioned, _the one who spoke to you in battle isn't interested in benefiting any but herself. This woman before you is correct in that she truly loves you. But understand that she ascribes to charity what was only accomplished through malice._

"Wait," Shinji spoke aloud before thinking, "I…uhm…."

 _You. Are. An idiot._ The dark voice sighed, _How is it that you still manage to mess this up?_

 _Tell her you love her, Shinji. Do whatever comes naturally from there._ The gentle whisper ignored her counterpart, _I only wish for you to be aware of the truth. And to know that we'll be missing for some time. We have opportunities to take advantage of._

With the voices' departure came a sense of absence. An emptiness he'd never felt before, even when they'd been quiet for long stretches. "I…." _I need to recover this. May as well do what she said I should,_ "I love you."

"That's nice," Hikari tittered. "But it's not going to get you out of this." Crossing her arms again, she drew her authority around her like a cloak, "We've slain the silly notion that you had anything to do with my father's death, and we've dismissed the silly notion that in death he'd wish us to remain apart. I not only can't, but I flatly refuse to, do better than you. So, what else?"

 _Do what comes naturally?_ Shinji pondered, _I…guess I just be honest._ "What happens when you regret ever being with me?"

"The world ends," she shrugged. "Because that's just as likely…more so, actually. Even if you fail, Shinji. If you die because you can't beat the Angels again. I'll die knowing I loved a good man. I'll be sad that it ended, not angry that you couldn't keep beating the odds. I'll look for you on the other side, not curse you as I die. In death I'll pray that we're reunited, and when we're reincarnated I only hope that it's somewhere that we can meet again."

"You…want me to be with Kodama." Shinji stopped from grasping at straws, he was beaten and he knew it. But that didn't give him the right to not speak everything that had concerned him, "You understand that…well…she'd want this too."

"It will be weird," Hikari's cheek quirked, her lips pulling to the side as she sighed. "But I can't inflict the pain I feel on her. I wake up in the morning and I hurt. I _hurt_ that you're not there. The few times we've gone to bed have made me feel whole. It's filled me in ways that I never knew I was empty, just knowing that you're there by my side." Shaking her head, she shrugged, "I won't want to know about what you do, because she's my sister and I don't want to think about her like that, but I'm not going to change my mind because…well…do you want to know the honest truth?"

"Always," he nodded eagerly. "I can't make things better if I don't know the truth, Hikari. I can't stop hurting you, or doing whatever it is that I'm doing that's wrong if I don't know what it is. I…I trust you. I trust that no matter what, you'll tell me the truth. It's hard, I…I don't really trust anyone, least of all myself. But, in this time, and the time before, you never once told a lie that I saw."

She snorted, "At least I didn't screw _that_ up." Toying with his shirt, gazing through his chest at points only she could see, her head bobbed unevenly as she picked her words, "I'm afraid that you'll…be unsatisfied." Tapping his lips without looking, she stopped him from speaking, "No. I'm being honest, let me talk it out." Slowly lowering her hand, she undid the first of his buttons, "I'm not…as beautiful as you think I am. I look in the mirror and I don't see this woman you tell me you see. It's not the imperfections, or the frizzy hair, or the freckles, it's me." She tapped her chest, "It's the person in here. I look at myself and I see the girl that let you founder. I see the girl that chose the grumpy jock over the quiet kind-hearted musician. I can't lie and say that I've never wanted to walk over and slap the glasses off of Kensuke Aida for taking pictures of the girls, or punch Natsuko in the gut for lording her outrageously large tits over everyone."

The second button fell to her motions, "I'm not perfect, Shinji. You've always treated me like I am, and that scares me. It scares me to know that I stand on a pedestal you've built a foundation for which could hold the moon itself. Nothing I do will ever push you away, nothing I say will ever change your mind. I could bite and slap and scratch you every day of my life…and you'd still smile at me." The third button came free, "You make me want to be better, and I'm never going to give you anything but my best effort, but I'm afraid. I'm afraid that I'll _never_ be able to give you what you need. That I'll look over one day and see a lifetime of regrets in your eyes. You need more. More than me, more than stable. And," she took a deep breath, "I'd rather you were given it by someone I can trust. With Kodama, she'll never try to take you all for herself. I'll…I'll always have at least some of you." Her teeth ground together, "And some of a great man is far, far, better than all of someone like Suzuhara."

Her eyes raised back to his, focusing on the present, "You tell me that you ran, Shinji. That you couldn't handle…life." Her brow drew together, "And yet you tell me of this woman, this 'Asuka', that's coming. That she belittled you, berated you, that you lived with her and Misato and they made you their slave. That your father ignored you, Uncle Kozo never helped you, Ritsuko and Maya did nothing. All of these people, Shinji, that had the opportunity to help a scared, confused, _child_ …." The fourth, fifth, and sixth buttons popped free as she tore his shirt open, "What was my excuse?" Running her hands over his chest, she stepped against him, "Hmm? What could possibly have excused my ignoring your pain?"

"I never reached out," Shinji gently laid his hands on her shoulders, trying to impress upon her a truth that he felt in his bones. "You can't be blamed for not helping someone who doesn't want it, Hikari. I had every chance to ask someone…but I didn't know how to. It's not your fault."

"And it's not yours either," she pushed him backwards. "We're not them. Not anymore." Sweeping his leg, she dropped him down onto his futon, falling to her knees and crawling atop him, "You aren't a scared, lonely, little boy. I'm not some…selfish bitch." Sitting firmly down, she crossed her arms again and frowned sternly at him, "I want forever, Shinji. I want it, and I'm willing to pay whatever price you ask for it."

"I-I'm," he swallowed, the sensations he was receiving from Hikari far different than those he'd experienced when Ritsuko had pushed him into things. His nerves were dancing, but not from fear. He was anxious that he'd make a mess of things, that he wouldn't know what to do. "I'm not going to leave." Haltingly, he reached up and gently took her hands, straightening her arms out so that he could clasp both hands together in his own, "Not unless I have to, to save everyone. Y-you…you might not be perfect. You'd know yourself far better than I would." She felt magnificent against him. With their clothes separating them he still felt more pleasure in her touch than he had from…the monster possessing his friend.

Rei Hino's voice carried through his thoughts, _Do not judge them, or yourself, by what has been._

Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes and forced his thoughts to focus on the 'now', "You are right." Opening his eyes again, he smiled, "I'm not that Shinji. He's…gone. He never had anything to protect, never had anyone watching his back, never had a reason to try to be more than a drain on everyone around him. But you're not her, either." His smile softened, "Because she'd never have looked at the stammering idiot and thought, 'Maybe he'd like to go shopping'. She'd never have sang for him to calm him down," emboldened by the growing certitude that she was right, that he couldn't blame himself for everything, he pulled her towards him, "and she never, ever, would have given him a kiss that he can't get out of his mind to this very moment."

Their lips met, and he rejoiced as she wrapped her arms under his neck to cradle against him. As much as he wanted to try being bolder, he still couldn't bring himself to firmly grasp her, instead simply running his hands up and down her spine. It was slow, steady, progress as Hikari recognized yet again that she'd have to take the lead. Though, despite what she'd asked for in the kitchen, she kept things from moving in that direction.

An hour passed, kissing giving way to exploring, giving way to ticklish giggling from time to time. Her skirt had been cast aside, as had his pants. Her bra was easily undone, but her shirt remained. She determined to match him clothing for clothing, only going as far as he seemed ready to. Sitting back up, she smiled happily down at the man she loved, "You know…I had fully intended on us having sex tonight."

"If…uhm…." He stopped as she shook her head.

"No." Her smile never wavered, "You're not ready. I understand that. It's…." She took a deep breath, "It's too soon for you. You made fantastic progress tonight, though." Flexing her thighs slightly, she felt the proof of his attraction to her, "And I know that I can put you in a mood, if nothing else."

He blushed, "Yes…well…I…."

"Have me in a mood too," she purred. Laying back down, she spent several more moments demonstrating how happy she was with him. Nuzzling at his neck, she whispered, "Can I ask you for a favor?"

"A-Anything," Shinji was beginning to wonder if he was going to get any readier. He couldn't think of much but her form against his. "I don't know how I'll do it, but if you ask for the moon I'll fly up there and bring it to you."

"Touch me?" She shifted her hips, "Down there?"

"A-are…." Clacking his mouth shut, he felt his face firm, then nodded, "Y-yes." _She's always sure. She knows what she wants, and I am not going to sit here and tell her that I'll give her anything only to question the thing she tells me she wants!_

Gently rolling off to his side, Hikari proved that despite not being the most athletically gifted individual, she was still very flexible. Lying on her back, she lifted her legs slowly up, keeping eye contact with the man she loved. Her cotton prison slid upwards enough that she could bend one knee and hook her toe inside to pull it the rest of the way. A slight blush colored her cheeks as she let her legs settle comfortably, "Thank you."

"Sh-shouldn't I be thanking you?" Shinji couldn't stop his mouth from aggressively salivating, "You're…you're l-letting me-"

"I'm not _letting_ you, my love." Hikari reached across his body and grabbed his right arm, pulling his hand where she desired it, "I'm giving myself to you." Gasping slightly as his fingers twitched, brushing against spaces only she and her doctor had touched, she shook her head as he tried to recoil, "No! No, no," her tone softened, "I…it's really different, when you…it's good. It's a good different."

Coaxing him back, she tried to encourage him to learn the lay of the land. He wasn't adept, nor did she expect him to be, but what he lacked in skill he made up for with a reasoned application of the techniques he'd learned with his cello. Promises that she wasn't in pain, that she didn't expect perfection, granted him courage and a desire to carry on. With feather-soft touches or more forceful, sliding around the spots she helped him discover he managed to work her into a lather. Her tutelage became as staccato as her breathing, and eventually she bit down on her finger to stop from crying out as he managed to touch a spot that _just worked_.

Relaxing her legs as she came back down, she laughed, "Oh my love…." Curling around his side, she felt her pulse racing, "I love you, so much. So, so much." Spying him clearly processing something important, the look of abstract reasoning deeply endearing to her, she laid her head on his shoulder, "What are you thinking of?"

Resurfacing from the depths of his mind, he blurted out, "N-nothing!" He waved his free hand, "I-I j-just…"

"Shinji," her tone remained even, "I'm not going to be upset." Sitting up on her hip, she smiled down at him, "You just gave me something wonderful, and I want to know what's going on in that magnificent brain of yours."

"I-it…." He grimaced, _Stupid stammer!_ "I shouldn't have been thinking of that, while I'm with you."

"I disagree," she blinked. "Whatever it is you were thinking of is clearly related," tucking her leg under her so that she could use her hands, she caressed his arm, "I need to know what's going on if I'm to save you."

The previous night's conversation replayed in his mind, prompting a snort of laughter, "Yeah…I guess you're right."

"Of course I'm right," lifting her chin, she mockingly assumed a professorial posture, "I'm the Class Representative. We're _always_ right."

"Explain Mochizuki-san, then," Shinji rolled his eyes. Wincing, he closed his eyes swiftly after, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't-"

"Except…one," Hikari patted his chest, "we're alone. You say what you think when it's just the two of us." Waiting for him to look at her, she grinned, "And two, he's a pretentious ass that doesn't know the rules as well as he thinks he does." Laughing with the man she loved, she patted him again, "So please, Shinji. What were you thinking about?"

Opening and closing his mouth several times, he worked up the nerve to speak his mind, "What…the thing possessing Ritsuko-san tried to do." His sight moved past Hikari to a vague point on the ceiling, "I never…I don't know, wanted? When I'm with you, Hikari, I want to make you happy. When I'm holding you…I don't feel fear. I don't feel anxiety. I guess," he half-shrugged, "I was just comparing the two. Which is rude, be-"

"No." Hikari pressed firmly on his stomach, "Stop. You were processing your trauma, you weren't doing anything wrong." She smiled encouragingly, "You feel comfortable, Shinji! Think about how wonderful that makes me feel that even after pushing yourself beyond your usual boundaries with us, you were comfortable enough to think through something that had to hurt you horribly." Slipping atop him and sitting astride his lap, she clapped, "That's perfect."

Shinji blushed again, the feel of her pressing against his most intimate of spaces driving his heartrate skyward, "I just…you know, you were feeling good and…I shouldn't think about another woman when I'm with you."

"Shinji," she sighed, "you weren't dreaming of being with another woman. You weren't touching me and thinking of her." Patting a tattoo on his stomach, she smiled happily, "You were looking for help. And who did you come to?"

"You." Once more, from the angle he sat upon she was wreathed in the light of his ceiling lamp. To look at her was to see a being from myth and legend, a spirit sent to soothe his wounds. "Hikari…thank you." Reaching out, he gently grasped her legs at the knees, "You may not feel that you're perfect, and it isn't my place to say that you're anything at all, but you are everything I need." He blushed harder as her happy bouncing increased, "P-please, though…stop bouncing there?" He swallowed, hard, "I-I'm going to make a mess."


	37. Chapter 37

+++++ 5th Angel + 7 : Friday (36)

It was a much slower morning for Shinji that followed. His morning workout was assaulted with the same focus he always applied, but his instructors decided to cut the event short with a gentle admonition to not attempt to burn the candle at both ends. By the time he reached the hour he was requested at NERV for training, his mind was stuck in darkness as his well of energy began to finally run dry. Approaching the elevators up to the locker rooms, he spied one of his two remaining guardians and issued a subdued greeting, "Good morning, Maya-san."

"Where's Kodama-san?" Maya looked behind Shinji, her own troubles with the deluge of work requests sending her temper flaring, "She should be here today. What if something happens?"

"The Sub-Commander gave her the day off," he responded quietly. He began to fully feel the weight of his recent lack of sleep catching up to him as he found he couldn't even muster up the needed energy to defend his housemate, "Nozomi-chan woke up screaming." Watching the doors of the elevator, he shook his head, "It's just testing. If this goes wrong, I trust that you or Misato-san will be able to get one of Temple-san's people to help."

"Oh." Maya turned to face the elevator doors, "I…yeah." Shaking her head, she turned to face him as the doors swept open, "I'm sorry, Shinji. I shouldn't have snapped."

"It's fine," he held the door open so she could climb aboard. _I'm not the only one going through tough times._

"No, it's not." Stepping on the car, she slumped against the wall, "I'm supposed to keep my temper in check, no matter what's happening, and I damn well know that they're all suffering." Noticing Shinji's listlessness, she stood and crossed to place the back of her hand against his forehead, "Are you coming down with something?"

"Mmm?" Blinking, he looked down at the much shorter captain, "I-I'm sorry. I…haven't slept."

Dropping her hand, Maya laughed ruefully, "That makes two of us, Shinji." With a sigh, she sagged against him, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry that Toshiro-san died, I'm sorry that you're stuck piloting when you should be home helping your family, I'm sorry that Akagi-san was…altered." Her head lay gently against his elbow, "I'm just sorry, Shinji."

"That…makes two of us," he echoed. Looking down at the morose Maya, he shifted his arm and pulled her into a side-hug, "I'm glad that I have people like you on my side, though." Smiling at her, the hopeful look he gave to those who he wanted to help, he squeezed her shoulder, "I don't know that I'd stay sane without you here at work to help me, Maya. I'm very fortunate that you have chosen to be a part of my life."

Maya curled into the embrace, the illicit pleasure of being embraced by one of the two people she'd fallen hard for overcoming the desire to place distance between her and the man she knew to be suffering tragedy after tragedy. She was tired, she was bone tired, and she let herself draw strength from someone who saw her in a way she knew she herself simply wasn't.

The doors whooshed open, revealing an enthusiastic Misato Katsuragi. "Hey!" Bouncing into the car, Rei following sedately behind her, she clapped both Shinji and Maya on the arms, "Good to see you two getting along. See, Rei-chan? There's nothing wrong with hugs!"

Maya separated from Shinji, glaring at her fellow Captain, "Why do you sound like you've managed to get sleep?"

"I haven't," Misato shrugged. "Coffee."

"Forty-eight fluid ounces," Rei floated over to Shinji, pulling him into a hug. "She emptied the carafe rapidly, and directly."

"Good morning, Rei-san," Shinji returned the hug with as much warmth as he could muster. "It's good to see you."

"What?" Misato blinked, "You'll hug him, but you go full deadwood when I try?! What gives?"

"He is my lead pilot, my sub-rep, and my friend." Rei stepped back, seeming to check Shinji's physical condition and assess his demeanor. Looking to Misato, she raised a single eyebrow, "He also has bathed recently, and allows me to engage in a level of physical affection that I am comfortable with." To further prove her point, she stood on her toes and pulled Shinji down to kiss him on the side of the mouth, "He has saved my life repeatedly, and I will not fail him again."

"You haven't failed me, Rei-san," Shinji blushed slightly at the show of affection. "Everything…." He trailed off as the doors opened to the floor where the lockers for the pilots were opened. "Maya," he looked over, fear written plain on his features, "her plugsuit…."

Maya instantly understood his trepidation, inwardly thrilling that the man she not-so-secretly adored continued to justify her adoration, "Standard. It's a lot like the one you had before everything happened." Momentarily set aside was her swell of irritation at seeing Rei so easily engage in physical affection with the man she herself had reluctantly chosen to let go of.

"Oh, right." Misato snapped her fingers, blocking the door, "I forgot that you didn't see her during the Fifth. Don't worry, Shinji. She won't be showing anywhere near as much skin as you."

"Nor will you, after I figure out how to fix it," Maya shooed everyone off the car. "Unlike Akagi-san, I'm not going to rest on 'good enough'. You deserve to pilot with as much dignity as we can give you, and just because you've become accustomed to it doesn't mean we get to ignore it."

"I do not mind," Rei shrugged, taking the lead towards the lockers. "If the style of plugsuit that my leader wears would help me in combat, then I will requisition one." Looking over her shoulder at Shinji, she stated bluntly, "You have already seen far more of me than the suit itself would show. I am unconcerned."

"Rei-san," Shinji hurried to walk alongside her, "I'm sorry that I saw you like that." He realized he'd never been given a chance to express his feelings about the matter, "You were being mistreated, and even though I'm glad I saved you, I'm not glad that I saw you like that. You shouldn't have to endure someone ogling you."

Stopping at the door to the female lockers, she turned to face him, her visage remonstrative, "Did you ogle me?"

"He most certainly did not," Maya scoffed.

"Then I have endured no such event." Rei nodded her thanks to Maya, "Please have a suit constructed of similar design for my use. While I understand the social concerns, I believe that combat efficiency needs to take priority." She looked to Misato, "I do not believe that our Tactical Commander will disagree."

Shinji caught the slight shift of the light in Rei's eyes, though it seemed no one else did.

"Unfortunately…she's right," Misato nodded slowly. "But," she raised her hand to beg Shinji for patience, "we'll keep bathrobes on hand. That way when you're going from lockers to Eva, and back, you won't have to parade in front of everyone. Does that work as a compromise for now?"

"If you say so," Shinji couldn't look away from Rei, worry that she was beginning to suffer from what had affected Ritsuko creeping into his thoughts.

"I will meet you by your changing room," Rei bowed to him, turning and moving gracefully into her own changing area.

Maya watched Shinji watching the door for a moment while Misato looked between the two. In the end, it was the energetic violet-haired wonder that broke the stasis, "All right, all right, let's get going. I know you don't like her shaking what she's got for everyone to see but it's her choice." Clapping, she ushered Shinji towards his own room, "C'mon. I want to get this over with so you can go home and support the ladies I tore you away from."

 _I need to talk to her._ Shinji barely stopped himself from rolling his eyes, _I need to talk to everyone!_ "Please make sure to have those robes for her, Misato-san." He looked furtively towards the room where Rei changed, "She deserves better."

"So do you," Misato reached up and patted his cheek. "But you're being a good leader, and I respect that. Now get changed. We've got a schedule."

Ducking into the lockers, Shinji was quick to put on his work clothes. The clothing he'd chosen for the day intentionally selected to be easy to remove and replace so that he wouldn't have to dawdle. A few moments to properly fold and stow everything was the only tangible delay and no sooner had he pressurized his suit than he was walking out of the lockers towards the gantries.

"I'm never going to be used to seeing you in that," Idunn's voice met him as he entered the hall. The powerful redhead smiled sadly, "They have the technology to build a robot that violates physical laws, but not to design a suit that doesn't violate your dignity."

"His dignity is not lessened by his impressive stature," Rei approached quietly. "Agent Haraldson," she nodded in greeting.

"Good morning, Rei," Idunn returned the gesture. "The Captains moved to get everything settled. My kids are all in place and so I thought I'd keep you company. Let's not keep them waiting, you'd have to rather be home taking care of your ladies than here." Moving so that she would be on Shinji's left, allowing Rei his right, she frowned when Rei instead shifted to stand on Shinji's left, "Something wrong?"

"The ranking officer is to stand on the right of any formation, no matter how informal." Rei started in motion, knowing Shinji would move to follow instinctively, "Shinji-san outranks me, and is deserving of my deference."

"I…n-no," he tried to wave the matter away.

"She's right," Idunn shrugged. "Standardized UN Military Regulations state that it's always Rank to the Right. I'm surprised you're familiar with them, though."

Rei spoke without turning to address the agent, "I was unaware that I appeared to be illiterate."

Shinji almost stumbled, _That was the closest I've ever seen Rei come to being rude to_ anyone _!_

Idunn herself seemed surprised, dropping back from her position on Rei's left and instead walking silently behind the pair of pilots. The rest of the journey to the gantries was noiseless as Shinji considered what he'd seen. Rei herself seemed content to walk quietly at his side, her pace quick but stately. Once they reached the lift that would take them to the catwalks, the redheaded Agent finally spoke, "Glad I don't have vertigo."

"You get used to it," Shinji smiled listlessly. _Please don't force me to stop you, Rei._ "At least I did." As he turned back to face their direction of travel, he frowned, "That's odd."

Idunn became instantly defensive, reaching forward to slow him down, "What?"

"Hmm?" Looking back, he realized that he'd said something that any person guarding someone would automatically latch onto, "S-sorry."

"Less sorry, more talking," putting herself between him and the problem, she ignored that Rei blithely carried on, "what's 'odd'?"

"There's more people around my Eva than normal," Shinji leaned to the side and gestured towards Unit-01. "The middle stall, there. I don't normally have more than two or three engineers around to help me onto…the…lift." He trailed off as he saw the reason for the gathering, "What is my father doing here?"

Idunn pressed the side of her neck, a concealed microphone picking up the motion and beginning to transmit, "Copper Six-Six, what is Gendo Ikari doing near my principle's jævla robot?" Shinji saw one of the other people standing with the engineers startle, then look over in their direction, slap the side of his neck and start to speak. He couldn't make out any words over the distance, but he did see that the man was clearly surprised. "Get that man the hell away from that position, I want a full report…what do you mean 'you can't'?" Looking over to Idunn, Shinji saw her snarl, "Oh I don't think so."

"What's the hold up?" Misato's voice emanated from Shinji's wrist, "We're running behind schedule, Shinji."

Idunn took Shinji's wrist, "How do I reply?" Looking at the young pilot, she tilted her head at the bracelet, "Do I need to push anything?"

"The blue button," Shinji tapped by it, "if you flip it down it opens the circuit until you push it back up. If you push it up and hold it you can talk, it shuts the circuit back off when you release."

Nodding, she pushed the small switch up, "Gendo Ikari is positioned by Unit-01, Captain. My standing orders are no contact between Pilot Ikari and him during the investigation." Releasing the device, she kept her eyes locked on the biggest threat to the man she'd kill to protect. "Or ever again, if I can manage it."

"Who's this?" Misato's voice came back, "The cameras are out of focus, we're working on a solution."

"Agent Haraldson," Idunn pressed the button again and identified herself with a low growl. "Do you people have any functioning equipment around here?"

"Now now," Misato chided, "no need to be snappy. Shinji, are you ok?"

Flipping the switch down and holding his wrist out so that both could speak normally, "I'm fine, Misato. I'll just ignore him and climb in Unit-01. Once I'm inside it won't matter where he is."

"I can't take that risk, Shinji," Idunn moved to block him. "It's not only a legal matter, it's-" Cutting off, she touched her earpiece to cut out the background noise. After a second she shifted her hand to her throat-mic, "You what?"

"Shinji," Maya's tired voice came through the speaker on his wrist, "please don't argue with Idunn-san. I know you want to help, and I think it's wonderful that you're willing to help, but I can't condone you ignoring the directions of someone specifically here to keep you safe."

"It seems I've been outvoted," Idunn's face was the picture of perplexity. "General Benoit has agreed to give him five minutes alone, so long as it's in line of sight of me and the soon to be unemployed agent over there," she cast her thumb over her shoulder. "Predicated on the fact that you agree to speak to him, that is."

"Five minutes?" _What on Earth would he want to talk to me about?_

The tall redhead shrugged, a look of distaste evident, "It's what the General said."

"Fine," _I won't be alone. I am not that Shinji anymore._ His eyes hardened, _If he threatens anyone…._ Stepping past Idunn, he marched over, calling out, "What is it you want, father? I'm supposed to be training right now."

"To speak to my son." Gendo motioned for everyone else to step away. Glancing at Shinji's wrist, he gestured, "Would you please?"

It took a second for Shinji to realize he'd left the device on broadcast, and without taking his eyes off the snake before him he flicked it to the neutral setting, "Five minutes." He felt strangely powerful, he wasn't alone despite nobody being within hearing distance. He was also no longer the little boy that had to look up at the arrogant…. _Calm. He can't do anything. You have a small army guarding the only people that matter._

Turning to face Unit-01, Gendo did the one thing Shinji'd never seen him do: he took off his glasses. "While you are on the 'Over the Rainbow', recovering Unit-02 and the Soryu girl, you will be attacked by an Angel. The Sixth Angel, Gaghiel, will appear and attempt to sink the entire Carrier Group." Folding the near-mythic lenses, he pocketed them and seemed to consider his words. "While Unit-02 is keyed nominally to accept only commands input in German, if you say 'Wechseln Sie die Sprachbefehlseingabe in Japanisch', it will recognize your authority."

Shinji was poleaxed. Gripping the rail with one hand, he couldn't even begin to formulate a rational thought as his father continued.

"Regardless of what she may say, the Second Child cannot be entrusted to defeat the Sixth Angel alone. She is reckless, naïve, and childish to a fault. Her presence is necessary to take pressure off of you, as the Angels will only become more complex and determined to end all life." Looking over at his son, Gendo's voice never changed pitch, "You must succeed. Failure will mean the final loss of humanity, it will mean your mother's sacrifice was meaningless."

"Y-you…you know?!" Shinji's arm tensed, and he felt the steel railing begin to sag under the sheer pressure he placed with his hand, " _You know?!"_

"Of course I do," standing, Gendo smirked. "The Seventh Angel will strike down the Crimson. The Eighth will appear from the womb of the world."

 _He doesn't know._ Shinji relaxed slightly, "Why?"

Gendo's smirk faded, "Which version of that question do you want answered?"

"Why tell me?"

"Because I have failed," Gendo never blinked. "It is obvious that whatever providence changed you also altered the prophecies. You have changed _everything_ , Shinji. There are forces far more powerful than anything I have control over racing to salvage what you've thrown into disarray. If I am to have any chance at success at my aims, I need your help. To secure your assistance I require some measure of your trust. I am no longer in any position to direct you towards where you must go without arousing far too much suspicion."

"You…need me?" Shinji coughed a laugh, then another. Doubling over, he crouched down and began to laugh as tears forced their way from his eyes.

Gendo snapped in irritation, "We have three minutes, would you please hold it together?"

"Why?" Shinji sat down, looking up at the man he was once terrified of, "Why would I _ever_ help you?"

"Because you aren't helping me. You're helping _her_." He tilted his head towards Unit-01, dropping a bomb that Shinji had only tasted the edges of, "Your mother's soul resides inside this shell, Shinji."

Shinji's hands went cold as his laughter died.

"The contact experiment, the day we lost her. She was absorbed into Unit-01." Crouching so that he was closer, Gendo sensed that he had a chance and took it, "I have spent over a decade trying to find a way to return her to us…to me." He closed his eyes, pinching his nose, "I am not a good father, Shinji. I know. I'm not a good man. I gave up everything when she was absorbed." Looking past his hand at his son, Gendo shook his head, "I know that I have no right to forgiveness. I sent you away to live with someone I trusted, and he…failed. I believed the lies in the reports because I needed to. Because I couldn't be a father and drive this project forward. And then you show up here…you take to piloting like a duck to water. For a foolish moment I thought that I had made the right choice."

"You…didn't…. No. No, I don't believe you."

"MAGI terminal access to time-stamped diary files will be made available to you," Gendo shrugged. "I can't forge them, I'm not good enough with the MAGI system to do it, there are perhaps two people on Earth who are. If you don't believe me, trust Captain Ibuki. She's far more technologically savvy than I am." Looking past Shinji, he hurried, "I need you to cooperate with me, Shinji. But I need you to say _nothing_ of my foreknowledge. In the wrong hands, we could hand SEELE everything. They only know parts of the prophecies and only those parts that they believe will make them gods. I am telling you to show you how desperate I am. I will do anything, give anything, to get you to aid me. I know you figured out as soon as you arrived here in Tokyo-3 that I can't succeed without you." A rare smile graced the man's face, "After all, you are your mother's son."

Shinji stood, slowly, as he heard Idunn approach. Holding his hand out to the side to stop her from coming closer, he narrowed his eyes, "I'll listen. And we'll see if you're telling the truth." Shinji, of course, meant this to mean that he'd see if Gendo wasn't trying a new angle. Some new way to try and control events despite the structure he'd been tied to collapsing around him.

Gendo, however, assumed that Shinji harbored doubts about the Sixth Angel. Smiling confidently, he slid his glasses back into place, "Be on your guard. You are the best defense against what they would do. Remember, 'Wechseln Sie die Sprachbefehlseingabe in Japanisch'." Locking eyes with Idunn, he let his smile fade, "And while you are gone, there will be blood in the streets should any threaten those you've come to love." Turning back to consider Shinji, he shook his head, "The cameras were unmonitored. The footage deleted so long as there were no reports of suspicious activity in the house. My only desire was to ensure your safety, not…distasteful leering. You can confirm this with Professor Fuyutsuki, I believe he has your confidence. Watch your back, Shinji."

Idunn glared daggers at the man, "Is that a threat, Mister Ikari?"

"Call it a friendly piece of advice." Walking past Shinji, he stated coldly, "I'm well aware of what the men in my family line will do to those who threaten the women they love." He laughed, a sharp short sound, "After all, I've already testified to that effect."

"Just ignore him, Shinji." Idunn patted the young pilot on the back, "He's just trying to get into your head. The Horaki family isn't in any danger, not as long as I have anything to say about it."

Shinji watched as his father walked away, ignoring what Idunn was saying, "…We'll see." Flipping the switch on his wrist, he stepped up on the lift, "I'm sorry for the delay. Let's get me up there." Riding up, he looked to the eye of Unit-01. _Somewhere in there is my mother?_ Flashes of the odd happenings the first time through came to him, eventually settling on the Eleventh Angel. _Was that…was that really her?_

"If I may," one of the engineers said quietly, "I think it's good of you to at least try and listen to him."

"Sendo-kun," the other engineer grimaced, "this is the guy that goes out of his way to thank everyone. He's just being nice."

"Everyone knows that he's a bastard, sir." The first engineer ignored the second, "Just…when I had a falling out with my own old man, I always regretted that he died before I could tell him that the reason I hated him was that he never admitted fault when he was wrong. It's always burned me inside that I might have found a way to repair things with him if I had given him a chance to change."

Shinji turned to consider the man, "I'm sorry for your loss."

"You see?" The second engineer gestured, "He's called _Paladin_ for a reason. He's a good person, Sendo-kun. Doesn't mean he forgives the man."

"That don't mean we should ignore it when he does what's right," Sendo sighed. "These pilots are short a lot of praise, and if I don't take the chance when I can, who will?"

Shinji nodded, understanding the urge to do what he could even if nobody else would. "Thank you." Bowing to the man, he smiled the hopeful smile he had taken to, "Please, be cautious today. I know that when we train there are a lot of tasks to perform. I'd hate to find out that because you had to work to cover for my errors you were hurt."

"Don't you worry, Paladin," the second engineer, an older Slavic woman laughed. "You focus on your task, you leave ours to us to worry over." Tapping the code in to open the plug, she gestured, "In you go."

Shinji climbed in, helping to seal the door behind him. As he settled into his seat, he heard Maya's voice through his wrist communicator, "Shinji?"

He looked around the chamber and wondered if his mother once sat where he was, "I'm here, Maya."

"…You know I'd still like to have dinner with you and Hikari, right?" Her voice carried fear, "I'd like the chance to get to know you both better." The LCL began to flood the capsule.

Breathing deeply as he readied to expel all the air from his lungs, he nodded, "I'd like that too, Maya." _She's worried that I'm going to recoil from her, that I'm going to treat her like she thought I should treat Ritsuko,_ "Don't worry, no matter what…I'd like to have you in my life. After all," he sat back and let the LCL flow over his head. Blowing out the air in his lungs, he sucked in a lungful of the disgusting liquid, "Someone needs to hold my leash when I'm at work. You know how us pups can be, and Hikari can't be here to do it."

A short bark of laughter was his only response from the tired Captain. "Beginning nerve connections."

 _Are you really here, Mom?_ Shinji cast the thought out into the darkness around him, _Have you…been fighting by my side all this time?_ The A-Ten connection clanked into place, and Shinji once more experienced the bizarre swelling sensation that accompanied the fight against Jet Alone. Gone was the cockpit, the display, the LCL. Instead, he saw as Unit-01 saw, felt as Unit-01 felt.

"Wow," Misato's voice was a presence in his mind. Sharp, like the scent of a burning campfire, "One-fifty-eight, Paladin! I mean…that's phenomenal. I guess you're really feeling it today."

"Maybe I should reduce the plug depth." To his surprise, Maya's voice resonated within him. He could hear the music reverberating off of her, though the source of the song remained a mystery.

"No," Shinji responded. "Leave it."

"Paladin?" Misato's tone was suddenly layered with concern, "I'm not excited by the prospect of a training accident taking you out of the fight. We have that business trip coming up, and while I want you both to go through some motions together, I'd rather you not break a limb through the sympathetic nerve connections if something goes wrong."

"I'm fine," he could feel the serenity beginning to flow through him. Much like the Proving Grounds, he felt as if nothing would ever bother him again. "I need to practice like this, Misato. It's like Rei says, combat effectiveness has to take priority. If the Angels attack, we're not going to reduce the plug depth and risk slow reaction times. If I don't learn how to fight like this, I'm putting myself and everyone with me in danger."

Maya whispered away from the microphone, but Shinji still heard her clearly, "No honorifics? Is he really ok?"

"Trust me," Shinji quietly urged. "If things start to look bad, we can address it then. For now, let me try." _Don't take this away from me._ "I'm go for launch, Misato."

"…All right." He felt the sled shift into place. Her voice carried her commanding presence, "Launch Unit-00." The sound of Rei climbing towards the sprawl brought a smile to his face, he'd be up there soon. With her. Together, as a team, they'd practice. Misato's voice became wary when she issued the next order, "Launch Unit-01."

Existing as a colossus being propelled at near-supersonic speed was thrilling. Never having been one for rollercoasters, Shinji suddenly had a distinct desire to ride one to see if it matched the feeling of being propelled head-first upwards at hundreds of kilometers an hour. When the world suddenly brightened, the forested hills near the lake plainly visible, he sighed in regret as his weight shifted with the death of momentum. Awe flushed the regret away, "It's so…clean."

Misato responded quickly, "Say again, Paladin?"

"The forest. Everything. You could hardly tell that I've fought up here three times already." Looking around from his new perspective, he stepped off the platform and just absorbed the atmosphere. "We're doing…good. Aren't we, Misato? We're keeping this safe."

"Yeah…Paladin, are you ok?" She muted the connection, but Shinji overheard regardless, "Is his LCL tainted or something? If I didn't know better I'd say he was…high, or drunk."

"Everything's showing normal," Maya was baffled. "Nothing, I mean…sure, there's the fact that he's almost grotesquely calm, but there isn't anything _physical_ causing that. Wait," he heard her snap her fingers, "he said he hasn't slept well. He might be suffering from…no, that'd show up in his blood ox levels."

"Maya, I'm fine." Shinji sighed, "I'm just…I feel right. Like I'm where I should be." Watching Rei approach, he, and through him Unit-01, waved a greeting to his fellow pilot, "Rei's approaching. Let's start our practice. I've been waiting to cooperate with her, I want to give her a chance to show you what she can really do." Making twin fists, he pumped them slightly towards her, "I'm confident she'll prove to be even better at this than I am, if we just give her a chance."

"Thank you, sir," Rei pushed Unit-00 into a bow, her voice matching her pleasure. "I appreciate your confidence. I am in the AO, Captain. Awaiting commands."

The entirety of the bridge crew was dumbstruck. Shinji, anxious, cautious, retiring Shinji, had just given a motivational speech to the laconic bluenette, who responded with genuine emotion. The fluidity of Unit-01's motions, as if Shinji himself were standing at well over a hundred meters tall, caused a further tremor of terror. Even during the battles, the monstrous Eva moved like a machine ought to. Halting, exaggerated movements that showed the delay between man and machine. While the difference between Shinji as a pilot and Rei had been clear, it was never more so.

"Misato?" Shinji spoke into the pause, "Did the comm-link go dead? Rei, are you reading me?"

"I am," she responded cautiously. "I see everyone staring at the screen. Captain?"

"Shinji," Misato left radio discipline behind to address her concerns, "Maya-san says you haven't slept well. Can you confirm?"

"Hmm?" He tilted his head, an act that caused the engineers to wince as Unit-01 copied it perfectly, "No, not really. I haven't actually been able to sleep at all. Why? Is my ratio going down?"

"When you say 'at all', how long has it been?" The violet-haired Tactical Commander surreptitiously signaled for Maya to reduce the plug depth.

"Since…Monday?" Shinji pounded his fist into his palm, "Yeah. Because I didn't sleep on the train, and then Jet Alone, and then I…got the bad news." He shook his head as a spike of sorrow filled him with the memory of Toshiro's death, "I've been busy. That's probably bad, isn't it? I know I should sleep, Misato, and I've tried but I can't seem to get myself to shut off. Shouldn't we be practicing though?"

"His ratio's staying the same," Maya tapped her screen. "It's not changing at all!"

"Oh, that's good!" Shinji clapped his hands together. "I guess I _can_ fight when I'm tired."

"Ok, first task is simple," Misato made a small gesture asking for patience from her counterpart. "Rei, I want you to try and poke at Shinji's chest. Right where the glowing orb was on the Third Angel. Shinji, defend your chest. No aggressive motions, nice and slow. We're going to build up speed with practice, so I don't want you going wild. This is to get you used to each other's movements in the Evas."

"Yes ma'am," both pilots intoned.

"Ok, Rei," Shinji assumed the same defensive position he used in training every morning. "You set the pace, and I'll limit my motions to your speed. On your go."

Misato leaned down and whispered into Maya's ear, "While he's distracted, I want you to reduce his plug depth all the way to just before losing A-Ten, ok? Nice and slow."

Watching two giant gods of death engaging in a time-honored childhood game, Misato began to run various scenarios through her head. _Rei isn't good enough to stop him if he loses it. Even if we had Unit-02 it wouldn't stand a chance, regardless of her training Asuka-chan has zero combat experience. At his current level, he'd wax both of them even if they flanked him. He sounds stoned off his gourd, but all he's doing is encouraging her. It's not quite Shinji, but it also isn't bad. The only question, then, is how do I protect him if he needs me to stop him?_

Maya tugged on Misato's jacket, gesturing with genuine disgust at the screen before her which listed the plug depth. If she moved the entry plug a micrometer more, he would theoretically lose the A-Ten connection. However, despite her actions Shinji's synchronization ratio had gone up three points. The more he engaged with Unit-00, the higher it climbed.

Misato nodded, gesturing for her to return the plug to its normal spot. _He's different. We've treated him like he's still fully human, and in no small part due to the fact that he's the kindest person anyone could ever hope to meet. He's not acting like he's lulling us, and he's not faking anything. Even now, his face is lighting up with every tell in the book. He's happy._ A sense of sadness invaded her thoughts, _He's happy…and we're worried because of it. What's wrong with_ us?!

"Ok," she clapped. "Good job. Now, I'd like you to reverse roles. Shinji, instead of touching her chest, I want you to try and touch her shoulders. Imagine they're like the Fourth Angel's whips, ok? Touch the joint where the whip would have connected to the torso."

"Yes ma'am," the unified response came.

"Are you serious?" Maya's whisper was incredulous, "We're just going to ignore this?"

"Ignore that he's content?" Misato looked down to her fellow captain with a shrug, "That he's taking joy in cooperating with his fellow pilot? Yes, he sounds like he's been near my old dorm room a bit too long, but he's not in danger. I _am_ going to order him to take some sleeping medication, though. We'll have Kodama administer it, and monitor his sleep. He needs rest."

Maya's voice became furious, though her volume remained low, "Misato, this could be the precursor to a psychotic break."

"Or it could be the precursor to a breakthrough," she countered with a tone that warned of anger. "He just told his father off, he just _spoke_ to his father. Right now, he could simply be reacting to the fact that everything might just be getting better. He's had a lot of weight tossed onto him with no rest, but at the end of the day he's still here trying to fight it out. He's not giving up. Look at him, Maya. That's not psychosis…it's…I don't know, serenity."

Unit-00 slapped two attacks away, then shoved back slightly as Shinji tried to move under her guard, "Good job, Rei! Suzuka always smacks me with that one. Next time, though, try pushing slightly down. It forces your enemy to counter with more force, and you can use that to tip them over."

Misato shrugged, "I'm going to run with it. You find him some nighty-night pills, I'll keep them focused on training. We'll talk to him once he's out of the Eva, see how he's doing."

+++++ 5th Angel + 7 : Friday (36)

Five hours had passed, the two pilots fostering greater passion from the bridge staff as they happily took to whatever tasks were assigned to them. Shinji bolstered Rei's self-confidence in her abilities, and Rei returned that with gratitude and renewed enthusiasm. Maya fretted, her understanding of basic psychology and the panic produced by what she knew about Ritsuko Akagi feeding her growing concern at Shinji's behavior. Misato, on the other hand, began to develop even more confidence in the tactics and stratagems she'd be able to employ with two Eva pilots who showed as deep a connection as the two before her had after just one session.

Unit-00 was recovered first, and Shinji watched with a smile as Rei walked with greater poise than she had approached. "Rei did a great job today, Misato. If I had to guess, I'd say her synchronization ratio climbed during our practice at least ten points."

"Nine-point-two," the Tactical Commander nodded happily. "Hell of a job today, Paladin. Wish we had been able to have a training day like this earlier, you might not have had to struggle as hard to succeed."

"It's in the past," Shinji, and by extension Unit-01, shrugged it off. "She's here now, and I know that we can get even better with more time practicing. Maybe try that 'flood' exercise with two people, I bet with her help we can triple the score before we're overrun." His eyes narrowed as he stepped onto the platform that would take him back into the base, "It's a beautiful day…." Nodding to himself as he looked around the area that still teemed with life, he smiled, "I think I'm going to try something new tonight."

The ride down was slower, by design, and Shinji began to hum to pass the time. The Song of Morning echoed through his speakers, travelling to each endpoint just as powerful and effective as if he had been there in person. He was vaguely aware of the existence of the ancient presence that approved mightily of him calling upon its majesty, shifting the tune with the subtle encouragement the being provided.

Maya watched, aware of the power that Shinji was casually using but unable to say anything about its use without giving up the fact that he was doing it. She felt the soothing power wash over her, and while she was intellectually concerned at what he would be able to accomplish with a mass emotional healing, she marveled at the effect it had on her fellow employees. Shigeru and Makoto were happily chatting with the newest Bridge Bunny who was promoted to replace her when she was herself promoted. Misato was typing away frantically, trying to document all of the ideas that were coming to mind for improving their defensive and offensive standing. The security personnel weren't glowering, yet still managed to display lethal devotion to keeping everyone protected. In all, regardless of the concerning ability, Shinji wasn't misusing it.

"Misato," Maya stood, "I'm going to meet him at the gantries, ok? I want to run a few blood tests before I discuss prescriptions with Temple-san."

"Good plan," Misato nodded without looking, "do me a favor and tell him that I'm proud of how he handled the Commander, in case I forget later."

As she stepped off the bridge, taking the shortcut ladder that put her on the catwalks, Maya kept her mind active to avoid falling prey to the soothing music. Hurrying towards Shinji's pen, she was able to beat Unit-01 to the cage and watched as it settled firmly to the ground far below. As soon as the nerve connections were cut, she felt the song cease entirely. Stepping onto the lift with the engineers, she urged them to hurry, sensing that something was wrong.

Before the LCL was finished being pumped out, she typed in the override and opened up the hatch for the entry plug, "Shinji?"

"Here…kind of." Leaning forward, with his head in his hands, Shinji groaned, "I think…maybe…."

Climbing in quickly, Maya worked her way to where she could check his vitals, "Hold still."

"I'm fine, Maya-san," Shinji coughed the last of the LCL over his shoulder away from his…whatever she was. "I just…feel dizzy. It happened at Jet Alone, it only took a few moments to pass." Looking back, he grimaced, "Your clothes are all covered, now. If you want, I can try and wash them for you."

"This happened before?" Maya opened her mouth to chastise him for not mentioning anything, stopping when her brain reminded her of everything else that occurred that day, "Spirits protect us." With a sigh, she leaned her forehead against his shoulder, "Shinji Ikari, I swear I am at a loss as to how you manage to find the eye of every storm around you."

"It's a talent," he chuckled, his head lolling over to smile at her as she sat up to listen. "Some people are really good at science and teaching, like you. Others are really good at leadership and communication, like Hikari. Me? I'm good at getting into trouble." He blinked owlishly, fatigue turning off his filters, "Why am I surrounded by beautiful women, Maya? Why is it that all of the wonderfully impressive women I know are all so…just…gorgeous?" Reaching up with an unsteady hand, he thumbed a stray hair away from her eyes, "There's so much beauty in this world, and the Angels want to destroy it all. I won't let them." Letting his hand drop, he laid his head back against the rest and closed his eyes, "I won't let them hurt you." Taking a deep breath, he sat forward, "I think I can walk now. Let's make sure that Rei-san is ok."

Maya's heart was hammering in her chest. _He thinks I'm…gorgeous._ Shaking her head, she moved to the exit, _He said 'no'. He's just attracted to me, and that doesn't mean anything._ Helping him climb free, she was further surprised when he leaned against her, bracing himself on her shoulder, "Shinji? Are you sure you're ok to move around?"

"I'm fine, Maya-s…wait, Maya. Sorry. You asked me to stop, and I forgot." He smiled down at her, "I think I'm just more tired than I thought I was." Waving down at Rei, who had already made her way out of her Eva and to his pen, Shinji called to the bluenette, "Good work today, Rei-san. It felt good to have someone pushing me to work harder."

Patiently waiting for him to descend with the lift, Rei tilted her head a slight fraction when he was within normal conversational distance, "You have reverted to using an honorific. Is it because we are no longer in the Evangelion?"

"I…don't really know," Shinji puzzled. He couldn't quite remember why he chose not to, only that it felt…wrong.

"If at all possible, I would enjoy it if you continued to simply say my name." Slipping to the side opposite Maya, she helped brace him, "Your stance is unsteady, I will assist Captain Ibuki in moving you to the showers."

"Thank you, Rei-san," Maya smiled pleasantly at the young woman. "Please, feel free to just call me Maya, unless you're formally reporting something. I understand you prefer propriety where you believe it appropriate, and I don't want to ask you to do something you find distasteful."

"Understood, Maya-san," Rei bowed her head in recognition. "I, in turn, appreciate that you understand the manner in which Shinji and I are most comfortable. You are a far more approachable individual than your predecessor, and I do not fear working with you."

"Well…thank you again," Maya's smile transformed into one of wonder. _One day in training, and she's already coming out of her shell. Maybe Misato's right, and Shinji's just coming into his own as a leader._

The trio walked on down the halls and passageways, Shinji managing to finally get his legs under him just as Idunn showed up at a trot, "Good afternoon, Idunn-san." He smiled warmly, hoping that whatever it was that was making her worried wouldn't be too painful to handle.

"Shinji," she grimaced, "please don't go wandering unattended. I know that this place is supposed to be safe, but it's very important that you always have an Agent around."

"Then where are your comrades?" Rei's voice became cold, "The declared training period ended, and none were to be seen. Is his own security now his responsibility, Agent Haraldson?"

"It's fine," Shinji lifted his hands free and held them out to settle everyone down. "Idunn-san is just being cautious. She's seen me…in some bad situations, she'd rather I not be subjected to further bad situations."

"Attempted rape is unlikely to occur again," Rei intoned calmly, shifting her tone as she faced Shinji. "I waited to walk you to the locker room specifically so that I would be able to intervene, if needed."

Shinji winced, the memory of the event colliding with the bald, open, manner in which Rei so casually stated the facts, "It's…fine." _There goes the last of my calm._ "Thank you, Rei. Now, I'm going to take a shower and go home. I need to check on Nozomi-chan."

"Let's go have a talk, Ayanami-san," Maya scooped up Rei's arm, marching her away towards the women's lockers. "I need to change into my non-work clothes anyway. Agent Haraldson, I need Shinji to stay for a few blood draws and a conversation with one of the Corpsmen, please keep him here after his shower," she nodded by way of farewell.

Shinji waited until both women were in the opposing lockers and out of hearing range, "I'm sorry, Idunn-san."

"I'm not sure what I did to her," Idunn frowned with a puzzled look, turning to face Shinji with a sad gaze, "but she does not like me at all."

"She's not had an easy life," Shinji hedged on the side of caution. "I think she's taken to protecting me, as a way of taking control over her own actions now that she's…free from my father."

"You're very forgiving, Shinji," the tall redhead nudged his shoulder with her knuckles. "I'm glad that you're keeping your spirits up. Go on," she waved him towards the showers. "I'll make sure nobody bothers you," she made a face, "least you deserve is a private shower without having to look at old men naked."


	38. Chapter 38

+++++ 5th Angel + 7 : Friday (36)

The house medical expert was happy to spend even a small amount of time alone with the object of her affections. The pair had been discussing how Shinji's day had gone when he mentioned the small paper bag on the counter containing his newest prescription. "Melatonin?" Kodama looked at the bottle again, "Shinji, have you not been sleeping?"

"Not really," he admitted quietly, slowly coring the apples he was preparing for Nozomi's snack. "It's not been easy, I haven't been able to stop thinking. Everything just piles up during the day, and by the time that I have a moment to think it's the middle of the night. So, I just…think. I try to put everything in perspective, and before I know it my alarm's going off to go and it's time for practice with Suzuka-san, Suzuki-san, and Gen-san."

"…Is it us?" Kodama set the pills onto the countertop, "I know that we've been all over the place these last few days, b-"

Shinji set the knife down firmly, "No." Keeping his gaze locked resolutely on the cutting board, he flattened his hands out on either side of the wood to stop from clenching his fists, "Kodama, I swore to myself, to your father, to the Shirakami, and most importantly to all three of you, that I would do whatever I needed to for all of you." Pressing down on his palms, he shook his head sluggishly, "It's _everything else_. I can't do anything because every time I try, someone else needs me to do something. I try and talk to you and Hikari, an Angel attacks. I try again, Ritsuko-san goes insane. I try again, and…your father. We can't talk tonight, because Nozomi needs help with her school work to focus away from that nightmare, and Hikari promised her she'd work with her. I need to talk to Maya-san about Ritsuko-san, but she's finally getting some sleep after we had a successful training day! If I force someone, sure, I know they'll do what I want…but it's not like any of this is going anywhere." He sighed, standing back upright and facing the vivacious nurse, "Right now, I just want to do what I can to help you three. I want to focus on you, on what you need, and once things are…calmer, maybe I can have some time to tell you the rest of my story."

The eldest Horaki nodded, empathizing, "You're stressed."

He laughed mirthlessly, "Aren't we all?" Sweeping the apple slices onto a plate, he smiled wanly, "I'll take the pills, because I've been asked by Maya-san, and by you. I'll try and get some sleep, if it comes. For right now, I need to work on dinner or we'll be late in making sure that Nozomi-chan gets to bed."

"Well, that won't be a concern for the two of us." Kodama nabbed the plate, hurrying out to the dining room table and calling in advance of her arrival, "Ladies, I'm taking our man and going on a trip. He needs to relax, and I have nothing to do right now."

"Kodama!" Shinji stepped into the room, a pensive expression on his face, "I can't ask Hikari to cook and work with Nozomi-chan. I need to be here to reassure her that a monster won't eat me, someone needs to start dinner, and the laundry needs to be kept on top of, and-"

"And we managed just fine before we had anyone else," Hikari asserted herself calmly. Her tone was filled with the authority she wielded so easily, "You worked hard today, and if Ko-Ko thinks you need to relax, then you need to relax. Take him out," she looked to her sister, "have fun," she shifted her gaze to Shinji, "both of you."

"You heard the boss," Kodama pressed Shinji towards his bedroom. "Put on that charcoal pair of slacks and that sapphire dress shirt. I'll be down in a flash after I change."

The desire to struggle died as he heard Nozomi chirp happily, "I can help you make dinner tonight, nee-san! I can show you what nii-san taught me!"

"I look forward to it, Nozomi-chan," Hikari's calm reply was the last thing he heard as Kodama finished pushing him into his room, "but first you need to finish this exercise. Number seven is…." The door closing cut off the last of her sentence.

"Shinji," Kodama leaned against the door, eyeing him warily, "please?"

"P-please?" Blinking in confusion, he swallowed to try and stifle his stammer, "I don't follow."

"Please, take me out?" Standing free of the door, she walked over and ran her hands along his chest, "I want to formally introduce you to a few of my friends, they should be able to meet us for dinner. I want to forget about everything for just one evening, just let it all go."

"…Dinner," Shinji hedged, "with friends."

"Maybe dessert, too," her eyes danced as she felt him bite on her hook. "Let's not limit it without seeing how the evening goes."

 _Hikari's ok with me going on a 'date' with Kodama,_ Shinji subconsciously looked through the wall to where his girlfriend sat. _She's encouraging me to see past what I think is normal._ His eyes shifted back to the beautiful woman before him, _And this would make all three of them happy._ "Ok," he acquiesced with a small shrug, "we'll see how the evening goes. I don't have school tomorrow, and the business trip isn't until Sunday."

"You are the best!" Pouncing up, she wrapped her legs around his waist, her arms around his shoulders, and kissed him thoroughly, "Just you wait, I'm going to show you how to relax!" Dropping back down, she bounced giddily from the room, "Get changed, we're wasting time."

The door opened and closed before he could rally, it wasn't until the happy victory squeal that carried from the main house that he realized that he was still stuck in place. "I need to ask her, again." Shinji sighed as he turned to get changed, "I know she's always certain, but I can't do this without knowing that she's not going to…." _Change her mind? Seek happiness with someone else? I won't do anything that would risk losing her. Ever._

Long months of experience in changing clothes rapidly meant that he was clean and ready well before Kodama. A last look in the mirror to check that everything was in place gave him a plan to pull Hikari aside without involving the youngest Horaki. _She does_ not _need to hear about this stuff yet. She's still way too young._ Walking to the door, he slid it open and held up the hair tie that Hikari had personally selected during a shopping trip. It would act as a reminder to Kodama, and to him, where his heart resided first and foremost. "Hikari? Could I have a hand?"

"Hmm?" His girlfriend smiled affectionately as she turned to consider him, the ease with which she changed from working with Nozomi to gazing upon him as if he would never be a bother perfectly natural, the instinctive reaction warming him inside. "Oh, of course! Nozomi-chan, you try problem twelve on your own. I'll see how you did when I get back."

"Hai!" The little lady of the house bopped along to some unheard music, making precise marks on a piece of scratch paper as she puzzled through her homework.

Gliding over, her usual grace on display, Hikari ushered Shinji back into his room, closing the door and putting him in his desk chair, "Thank you, my love." Lifting the tie free from his grasp, she took his hair gently, "I know that this isn't how you envisioned life going, and I know that where you come from this would be beyond unthinkable, but the pure joy on Kodama's face as she raced upstairs makes me so unbelievably happy that you're in our life."

"I…I need to ask," Shinji basked in the warmth he felt as his girlfriend caressed his hair into place. "If I make this a date-"

A slight tug on his hair interrupted him, "It _is_ a date, Shinji." Hikari's tone remained pleased, "You are going on a date with my sister, and there is nothing on Earth that I could name that is wrong with that. I have an obligation here, one I know you would take just as seriously if you were asked by Nozomi, and that means that you have an evening free." Cinching the tie, she turned him so that he was facing her and placed her hands on his shoulders, "Go. Give her a chance to show you how she feels, and see if you feel the same." She raised a single eyebrow, her smile taking on a judicial cast, "You know, and I know, that this," she tapped over his heart, "beats for me."

He smiled shyly and looked down to his hands, rejoicing in hearing her stake her claim so clearly, "It does."

"But it has so much room, Shinji." Tickling his chin, she enticed him to look up at her again, "If it has enough room for Kodama, that doesn't mean that there's less room for me. It just means that whatever life you have will be that much more full of love." Leaning down, she kissed him tenderly. Taking her time to impress her point into his psyche, she stepped back and wiped her thumb over his lips, "Keep your mind open."

"For you," he reached up and took her wrist, "anything."

"Careful," a fey grin crossed her face, "or I might ask you to kiss me again."

"But I wouldn't mind that," Shinji baffled.

Stepping backwards towards the door, letting her hand linger in his, Hikari winked slyly, "I didn't say _where_ I'd ask you to kiss me, my love." Sliding the door open before Shinji could respond, she changed her tone, "Enjoy your date, and don't worry about us. I'm going to spend time bonding with my baby sister." Turning around, she swished her hips as she walked, setting her skirt to dancing and reminding Shinji that she was still intensely interested in pushing his boundaries as he became comfortable doing so.

Nozomi unintentionally covered her sister's retreat, "I'm not a baby, I'm just smaller than you were!"

The mental image of the kinds of kiss she could be referring to set his cheeks aflame, _I'm going to head outside. It's…cooler._ Tugging on a collar that suddenly seemed far too tight, Shinji blushed his way out of the house, ducking his head in a farewell as he passed the table. Nozomi's cheerful wave and Hikari's warm smile following him on his way.

"Where are we off to?" The man that Shinji had come to know as Jake was quick to make an appearance, "Something we can help with?"

"N-no," Shinji shook his head, trying to reduce the obvious signs of his hormonally-infused psyche, "Kodama-san has asked that I take her out to dinner tonight. I…uhm, wanted to get a feel for the weather."

"Uh huh." Jake looked at Shinji with patent disbelief, "You know, it's honestly refreshing to work for someone that couldn't lie if they were handed a script and enough sodium thiopental to glaze the eyes of everyone in a five-mile radius." Clapping Shinji on the shoulder, he nodded towards the street, "I'll have a car brought around. You know where you're going?"

"No," his response to being caught in altering the truth to be more socially acceptable was to smile ruefully and shrug.

Jake nodded, anticipating his answer, "Once Miss Horaki decides, we'll get you there."

"Is it really necessary?" Shinji realized he hadn't asked how serious things had become, and took advantage of the fact that the man he was speaking to seemed amiable, "Driving us, I mean."

The man's face went flat, a sign clear even to Shinji that he was working through a mental rubric to determine how much to share, "One second." Tapping his throat mic, he shifted his eyes away to indicate he wasn't speaking to Shinji anymore, "Copper Actual this is Two-Two, Paladin is asking an honest question about our standing, requesting authority to give an honest answer, over." He nodded after a few beats, "Two-Two copies, out." Waving Shinji towards the street, he used a series of hand signals to an unseen party and then turned to face the man he was authorized to kill for, "Seventeen incursions in the past forty-eight hours, mostly feelers or other things we'd expect from any OGA types. Twice they had something we'd not expect here in Japan, and each time they were relieved of their property and given to Section Two to handle."

Shinji's response was strangled, "S-seventeen?!"

"Only two serious, and nothing we couldn't handle," Jake calmly replied. "Sir, to be frank the 'security through anonymity' that Section Two was engaged in was a horrible idea. We, however, are not in the habit of passive security. On this block alone we have more than enough Agents to repel any incursion short of a Platoon of Armor or a standard Infantry Company. Were it up to me, I'd put you somewhere that I could install Anti-Air and a few TOW emplacements. So long as you're the only answer to the Angels, in this fighting man's opinion there is no expense too great to guarantee your security."

An unmarked car pulled up, the tinted window rolling down to reveal Akane behind the wheel, "Hey kid, get in the car. I've got candy."

"Akane-san!" Shinji's smile grew quickly back, "What are you doing here?"

"Offering you candy to get in the car," she scoffed, "duh."

"We integrated several Section Two staff that we're familiar with," Jake continued. "Those we've worked with in the past."

"So," Akane's grin floated to the surface, "where are we going?"

"I don't know," Shinji turned to look at the house, then back at the Agent he was familiar with, "Kodama-san didn't tell me and I didn't ask."

"Kodama-chan?" Akane blinked, "Not Hikari-chan?"

"Agent," Jake interceded, "where he goes, and with whom, is only our concern if it changes our security situation. If you want to interrogate him, get authorization from Haraldson, otherwise his business is his own." Taking note of motion, he tapped Shinji to turn him towards the house, "Your date's here."

Kodama was half out of the house, giving a hug and kiss to Hikari as she exited. Shinji was dumbstruck as he took in the stylishly-dressed eldest Horaki Sister, who seemed to have managed to go from her typical powerfully attractive to 'turn heads and cause car accidents' attractive in the just-shy of fifteen minutes she was busy upstairs. In addition to the dolphin hairclip that he'd bought her, she wore a form-fitting red sleeve dress with matching heels that left enough to the imagination that he knew he'd be contemplating what he had and had not actually seen for weeks, carrying a small clutch that had enough room for her phone, her pay card, and little else.

"Sorry," she smiled apologetically as she sashayed easily towards Shinji, ignoring everyone else, "you'd think I'd have a better grasp on what was in my closet but…well, this was the best I could manage."

Shinji blinked, confused and astounded that she would go to all of this trouble just to go out to dinner with him and a few of her friends. _Is this how she thinks I want to see her? Is she doing this because she wants to, or because she thinks I want her to…._

"No worries, Miss Horaki," Jake covered smoothly for Shinji's missing tongue. "Mister Ikari was making certain that we were ready for you. He forgot to mention where you'd be going, though."

"The Blue Crane," Kodama stepped over next to Shinji. "I wanted to thank Xu-san for her efforts during the wake, and to see what Daddy used to eat."

"You're stunning," Shinji breathed.

"That's nice of you to say so," Kodama pressed a soft kiss to his cheek. "Let's get going, Chise-san and Fumiki-san should meet us there soon." Thrilling inwardly as Shinji couldn't seem to get himself to move from her embrace, she looked casually towards Jake, "Is it going to be a problem for your people if we're out late?"

"Not in the least, ma'am," Jake once again showed his maturity in not drawing attention to Shinji's inexperience. "Our team will coordinate a handoff with the Shirakami, since you'll be visiting one of their hubs. I'm certain you'll recognize their people, and if anything goes wrong I doubt Madam Xu would allow either of you to come to harm." Holding out his hand, he moved to the car, "My apologies for not allowing you to get the door for your date, Paladin, but it's a terrible habit for a principle-level asset to get into. When you arrive, please do let one of our Agents handle the doors. They'll want to make sure the area is clear before you leave the safety of the vehicle."

"O-of course," returning back to the conversation as he realized he was holding everyone up, Shinji moved to help Kodama settle into the seat. "Thank you for taking care of them, Jake-san. I'm glad that you understand." Standing clear of the door as it was calmly swung closed, he moved with the Agent to the other side of the car.

"All part of the service, Paladin," extending his hand in the Western style, Jake gave a professional grin.

Shinji accepted the handshake, frowning when he felt a sharp foil-wrapped object pressed into his hand.

"Not that I'm saying you'll need it," Jake cautioned quietly, without letting go of the grip. "Just better to have it and not need it, then need it and not have it." The final admonition given, he let the man he was sworn to protect free.

Shinji's blush once more showed up, and nodding tersely he quickly pocketed the package, "I…uhm…."

"No worries," Jake paused with his hand on the door. "None of us are judging you, believe me. If we were, you'd be passing with flying colors." Swinging the door open, he waited for Shinji to climb inside, then shut it firmly and patted the roof twice.

Cautiously buckling the lap belt, Shinji wondered what it was that Jake had meant by 'passing with flying colors'. Unfortunately for him, his thought process was derailed when Kodama slipped her hand under his and drew his gaze over to her once more, "A-are you sure I'm not underdressed?" He plucked at his shirt with his free hand, "A collarless dress shirt doesn't seem to match…well, you're…uhm…."

"Go on," Kodama's smile reminded him vaguely of Ritsuko for a moment, "what am I?"

"Beyond me," he admitted quietly. "I couldn't ever wear anything that would put me on a level with how you look, it's like…like you're a movie star, and I'm just some dork holding one of the lights."

"Shinji," Kodama leaned so that she was laying her head on his shoulder, both gaining physical contact and giving him a view she hoped he'd admire, "you are holding a _Light_ , and my sister loves you for it. You aren't, however, a dork. At most you're a little timid. My sister adores you, sisters for that fact. Nozomi thinks the world of you, and the fact that she's not still a sobbing mess over Daddy is directly tied to how you've helped us calm everything down. Hikari…well, she's the luckiest girl in the world as far as I'm concerned."

"I'm…sorry," Shinji was determined to keep his eyes up on the curves in the road ahead, and not on the curves being shown to his side.

Making slow designs on the back of his hand with her the fingers of her free one, she frowned slightly, "What for?"

"That there isn't more I can do," he confessed. "I keep trying to come up with new ideas, something that I can put into place to help…or something I could have done to prevent all of this from happening." Lowering his guard slightly, he held his hand out so that she could see it, "Somehow prevent…this. It all started with me changing, Kodama. With stepping on that broken teacup."

She sighed, understanding of his nature but irritated that he felt he had to apologize for being the kind of man he was, "You wouldn't happen to still have the shards of that teacup?"

"No," he looked down and saw her smiling sadly up at him, "why?"

Her smile hardened, "I'd fashion a necklace out of the remains, somehow." Sitting up, she took his hand with her and pulled him so that she could claim his arm, "My father's death was not your fault, Shinji. He was not the cost of you living with us, of joining my family." Looking over surreptitiously, she pulled out her phone and expertly typed out a message with a single hand, then showed him: _I would have seen it._

"You…." _She's seen things. She knows what happened, and she's asked before if I believe in fate._ "I…see."

Her tone softened, "So, let's relax. Tonight, we're going to enjoy some time away from everything, we're going to introduce you to my friends, and we're going to wear each other out so that you can get some actual sleep."

+++++ 5th Angel + 7 : Friday (36)

"Mister Ikari," one of the pair of in-house guards for the private rooms greeted Shinji at the main door to the restaurant, "Mistress Horaki, we are filled with joy that you would spend your evening with us. Your friends have already arrived, and are waiting with my counterpart. Please," he opened the door and bowed politely, "if you would."

"Thank you," Shinji bowed in respect for the man as he escorted Kodama into the restaurant. Reflexively watching the room as he felt everyone's eyes fall on them, he unknowingly radiated an aura of displeasure. The main thoroughfare was empty, their arrival anticipated, and the guard calmly walked them to the private room with the air of a man escorting legends.

Shinji's posture, his protectiveness, and his general bearing all melted Kodama inside. She knew to her bones that he wouldn't allow harm to come to her, and that while he would never view her as a possession, he would always see her as a treasure. She just had to convince him that he could treasure her in more than friendship. "I like the décor here," she spoke loud enough to be overheard, "I'm glad you recommended we come here tonight, dear."

"The kitchen produces some truly exceptional food," Shinji responded without changing his wary movements. After they moved through the main room, proceeding down the hall that would take them to the private area, he frowned, "I didn't recommend we come here, you did."

"Shinji," she chided, "sometimes a woman likes to show the world that she's with someone who will take care of her every whim." Tilting her head back towards the common rooms, she shrugged, an action that set his cheeks aflame with the amount of flesh displayed, "It's a status symbol, I just walked through there with the hottest man most of them will ever see. In their eyes, I'm not 'Kodama Horaki, Nurse', I'm a mystery woman with a powerful and even more mysterious man."

"If…it makes you happy," Shinji didn't pretend to understand the motivation. To him, he'd rather they believe he was nothing special. It reduced the number of questions, the odd looks. _I guess this is how Rei feels all the time. I should probably have figured that out…back when I was staring at her. Man, I'm terrible._

"Enjoy your meal," the big man opened the door quietly. "If there is anything missing, please, do not be afraid to summon us."

"Kodama-san!" A woman that Shinji was slow to recognize stood from the table, "Oh, wow! You're right, he looks like he'd be in our classes. Maybe even teaching them."

"Chise-san, Fumiki-san," Kodama held her hands out as if she were presenting Shinji as a prize, "it is my distinct pleasure to introduce you to Shinji Ikari. Shinji, this is-"

"Ah!" Shinji's eyes went wide as he finally placed where he'd seen the two women before, "I'm so sorry!" He bowed low, "Please forgive me."

"Right," Kodama sighed. "You do know they volunteered happily to make that tape, don't you?"

"He _is_ a proper gentleman, isn't he?" Fumiki stood and crossed to where Shinji stayed prostrated, "Please stand up, it's dreadfully embarrassing to have you apologizing for something I chose willingly to do."

His stammer forced its way out, "B-but, I-"

"No, no," pressing him upright, she smiled teasingly, "I simply can't allow you to apologize for enjoying the show."

"Fumiki," Chise growled, "you're being rude."

"He started it," Fumiki slipped her arm around Shinji's. "So," she guided him towards the table easily, "did it help?"

"I…uhm, i-it," he knew he was blushing to the roots of his hair.

"Fumiki Nakatome, you stop teasing Kodama-san's friend right this instant." Chise stomped her foot, "Or I won't help you study for a month."

"You see how it is, Shinji-kun," Fumiki sighed as she separated from Shinji. "They declare that they'll love you forever, that there's nobody else, and then once they have you in their grasp…this." Sticking her tongue out at her partner, she giggled.

"Ok, everyone settle down," Kodama took on a long-suffering air. "Shinji," drawing his attention back to her, she reassumed the aspect of her personality that had pulled him from his destined life in Misato's apartment, "I asked them for help because they've done similar to help pay for their tuition. They're actresses, of a sort."

"When we heard that you and Hikari-chan were having a hard time overcoming that first hurdle," Chise urged him to sit, "we offered to make a private video just for the two of you. Watching something like that together can break the stasis that overwhelms people, and we knew we could make it 'real' for once. Usually we have to sell a fantasy, do things that people expect from a lesbian couple, it's all very unrealistic."

"But for you," Fumiki's voice changed to a more friendly tone, "we could actually be ourselves. To help you be who you are." She grinned at Kodama, "To be honest, I didn't believe Kodama-san when she said that you were how you are. But it seems I owe her a serious apology. Such innocence in someone your age…I guess I just didn't think it was possible."

"So," Chise began to pour tea, "did it help?" The open look of curiosity prevented the question from appearing sinister.

"I…uhm," he fiddled with his hands.

"Third base," Kodama filled in the void. "Which, to be fair, is well beyond what even I expected to have them reach."

"Yay!" Fumiki cheered as Chise handed cups across the table, celebrating that their efforts had borne fruit. "Kodama-san, you promised to explain more once you got here. Not that I'm upset mind, I quite like having dinner with attractive people, but I thought we were going to have this date with his girlfriend here too."

"Well…you might be." Kodama reached under the table, taking Shinji's hand, "Hikari-chan has let me know that she's open to sharing Shinji. But, it's up to him." Squeezing lightly, she smiled hopefully at the man she favored, "He's promised that he'll think about it."

"Wow…." Chise sat down, stunned. "You mean to say that you've offered, your sister's totally fine with it, and _he_ is the one that's holding up the relationship?"

"You must really care for Hikari-chan," Fumiki picked up her tea, sitting back and reconsidering Shinji's entire demeanor. "Kodama-san was widely considered to be not only the best nurse in our class, but second only to _maybe_ Shizuka Marikawa as far as the 'hottie index' is concerned."

"It isn't that," Shinji struggled between setting the record straight, and keeping his failings out of the limelight. "It's because it would be unfair to them. I'm not willing to sit back and let her date another man, so why should I ask her to let me date someone else?"

"But you'd let her date a woman?" Chise picked up on the phrasing, "So it's not that you're against an open relationship, just that you don't feel it'd be appropriate for you to taste the wildflowers while she wasn't able to?"

"I've tried to set it up so that a woman they're both interested in would join the relationship," Kodama sighed, taking her hand back. "But, my sister has decided to leave it all to Shinji. Shinji, on the other hand, doesn't think it's his decision to make."

"It sounds like he's a good man struggling with the realities of modern dating," Fumiki posited. "He doesn't want to tie Hikari down, he wants to let her fly free to discover who she wants to be. That's a man that any woman who swings that way would love."

"I'd try to set him up with one of my sisters, that's for certain," Chise agreed easily.

"Except they'd cheat on him, and I'd snap and lose my mind on them," Fumiki countered. "So what's your plan, Kodama-san? You don't take things sitting down, and you clearly asked for us to be here for a reason."

"Simple," Kodama shrugged, "I wanted to have him hear exactly what you just said, or more precisely, didn't say."

Chise considered the statement, "You wanted to have him see what a pair of lesbians thought of him dating a pair of sisters."

"Breaking taboos by exposing him to people who broke taboos," Fumiki nodded. "Cunning. And, a bit of a cunty move."

"I told him, expressly, that I would do whatever I could to get him to consider me," Kodama stated proudly. "You two are fun, intelligent, and most importantly kind people. He is an excellent judge of character, despite how forgiving he is of people who fall short of his own, and I'm positive that right now if I asked him what he thought of you his response would reaffirm my own."

Chise looked to Shinji, "Oh? Do you have a good person radar hidden in that fantastic hair you have?"

"I…I don't judge people like that," Shinji demurred. "Everyone should be given the chance to do better. If not…then why should I try to do better myself?"

"It's not judgmental, Shinji-kun," Fumiki challenged him. "We go through life meeting hundreds, thousands, of people. In order to operate at all, we need to be able to categorize them. It can be as simple as preferring people with long fingers as opposed to smaller hands. Or liking people who dye their hair, as opposed to people who squeak when they talk. But beneath all of those preferences, there lies a truth to be found. Is the person you're speaking with the kind of person you'd willingly be stuck on a deserted island with? Would they help bring you back to health when you were sick, or would they let you die and take all of the resources for themselves?"

"A good person can also be an ass," Chise agreed. "My brother, probably the poster child for arrogant prick, is at this moment spending his Friday evening volunteering at a local animal shelter. He's a good kid, he's just also a complete jerk."

"I…know some people like that," Shinji nodded.

"See?" Fumiki smiled, "You _do_ judge people, but it's not _bad_ judging. It's just categorizing."

"He's far more patient than I am," Kodama smirked. "Not that it's terribly hard to manage that feat."

"So," Chise leaned in, "you love Hikari-chan, right?"

"I…I do," Shinji nodded. "I'm not sure that I know entirely what that means, yet, but what I feel matches what she describes."

"Warm flutters, a desire to be near her, the need for her opinion of you to be positive, a want to do things that make her happy?" Fumiki smiled as Shinji nodded slowly, "Yeah, that's love. But," she held up her finger, "that could also just be the love a person has for someone they enjoy being around."

"You think she's attractive?" Chise waited for Shinji to nod, "And you want her to kiss you, and touch you?" Another nod, "Then you know what love is, Shinji. I think the problem might be that you don't feel like you deserve it."

"No need to bring me into this," Fumiki drawled.

"Except you're a perfect example," Chise countered quickly. "It took you _years_ to accept that what we had was bi-directional. That you deserved to be given that love, no matter what your parents thought."

Shinji blinked, an avenue of thought appearing before him that he hadn't previously anticipated.

Fumiki rolled her eyes, "Yes, but that was me, Chise-chan. Not Shinji-kun. Someone super successful like him doesn't appear out of nowhere."

"But he did," Kodama asserted quietly. "His father sent him away to live with a stranger after his mother died," she reached over and gripped Shinji's shoulder, "he was three years old." Looking to the man she wanted to draw towards her, she let her empathy shine through, "He spent well over a decade not knowing why he had been sent away like so much trash. The man taking care of him treating him no better than a slave."

Shinji looked down to his hands, ignoring the flood of memories, "I'm only successful because of the people around me now, Fumiki-san. I only know what it's like to be loved…because I was taken in by Toshiro-san." Reaching up to grip Kodama's hand tightly, he shook his head, "It's possible that Chise-san is right. I know I don't deserve the love I've been given-"

"And you'll do anything to be worthy of it," Chise interrupted quickly. "Oh, you poor, sweet, man." Her smile was heartfelt as Shinji looked up at her, "It took me forever to get her to admit it, so at least you're that much closer to the reality sinking in."

"I wish I could help," Fumiki set her teacup down. "But honestly? It was all Chise-chan. She wore me down, she tore down the walls I'd erected around my mind. The best advice I can give you, Shinji-kun, is listen to Hikari-chan, and Kodama-san. They're good people, and good people are worth listening to."

"And if _you_ want to date Kodama, and everyone's willing? To hell with what society thinks, Shinji-kun." Chise reached over and hugged Fumiki, "Fu-chan's the best thing that ever happened to me. If I listened to society, I'd still be alone and miserable. Instead? I'm miserable, but living with someone who makes the misery much less painful."

"You're a cunt," Fumiki laughed, returning the embrace. "But you're my cunt."

+++++ 5th Angel + 7 : Friday (36)

Dinner lasted another hour, the conversation shifting to Shinji and Kodama listening to Chise and Fumiki describing what they'd been dealing with in school now that Kodama had 'graduated'. After seeing them off, Shinji and Kodama waited for the matriarch of the restaurant to make an appearance.

"So," Kodama asked with a cautious smile, "what do you think of my friends?"

"They're nice," Shinji answered quickly, not wanting to seem critical.

"Are you sure we're talking about the same people?" Kodama's smile shifted to an understanding grin, "Because I'm almost positive that Fumiki-san would be the first person to admit that she's exactly what she was talking about. She's very critical of herself, and everyone else. However," she leaned towards him, offering a view down her blouse as she lowered her voice, "I also think that she's going to pounce on Chise-san tonight talking about how you enjoyed their video."

"Pounce…oh," Shinji quickly drew the connection Kodama intended.

"They've even asked," she pulled out her phone, showing a text conversation to Shinji, "if you wanted another 'show'."

Shinji blushed, remembering how intense the first one was, "Th-that, uhm…."

"We could maybe watch it together," Kodama offered smoothly. "That way you have a special memory just for us."

"What I would not give at times for a co-owner of this accursed building," the Xu Matriarch blew into the room, trailing Jiaxin and interrupting Kodama's enticement of Shinji. "I am so sorry that I couldn't meet your friends, dear child," dropping into one of the vacated seats, she gave an apologetic smile to Kodama. "I had to handle a business meeting that had been going on since eight this morning, and nothing I could say would convince them to hurry things along."

"It's no worry, ma'am," Kodama sat slowly upright. "I'm sure I'll be able to convince them to come back, after a meal like that."

Shinji inclined his head to the young woman serving tea, "How are you doing, Jiaxin-san?"

Pausing in her motions, the waitress seemed surprised that Shinji remembered her name, "Fine, thank you for asking." Her eyes twitched to Kodama, then back, "Did your girlfriend already go home?"

"Hikari-san is home with our sister tonight," Kodama interjected smoothly. "Nozomi-chan asked for her help specifically, and I wanted to get Shinji out of the house to try and unwind."

"A good idea," the elder Xu declared. "You, my child, have all of the markings of a man who winds himself up far too easily."

"I…can't deny that," Shinji looked down to his hands. "There's so much that needs doing, ma'am, and if I didn't have to be involved myself I'd ask for help, but…well, here we are."

"With your permission, Nana, I'd like to serve him some of my own tea." The slender waitress had a curious expression on her face, "It helps me, maybe it will help him."

"Shinji," his attention was called back to his host, "would you be all right trying something different? It's not often that Jiaxin chooses to take an interest in someone."

"He seems to have more honor than most of his ilk," Jiaxin declared testily. "That he agreed to accompany his girlfriend's family without hanging all over her like a dog in heat is proof enough of that."

"I'm always willing to try, ma'am," Shinji once more wondered what had happened between Yang and Jiaxin to set them at each other. "I've come to realize recently that far too much of my life has been spent hiding from offers of help, instead of accepting them as kind people trying to make my life less miserable."

"It will be a few minutes." Pouring him some plain water, she set the cup down before him, "It doesn't have anything that will help keep you up, so it's best if you don't mix it with other teas that will."

"I understand," Shinji offered her the smile he'd been practicing, "thank you again."

A small frown creased Jiaxin's features before she turned and left as quickly as she'd arrived.

Her aunt, however, smiled secretively until the door closed behind her niece, "You are a rare individual, Shinji Ikari."

"I've been telling him that for a month now," Kodama sighed. "Maybe he'll listen to you."

"And you," the elder Xu looked to Kodama with a stern glance, "are causing something of a 乱哄哄 with the Shirakami."

"She is?" Shinji asked at the same time Kodama asked, "I am?" The two looked to each other, then back to their host, worry clear on their faces.

"Hikari has the unanimous blessing of the Lady's Council," she replied evenly. "You, on the other hand, do not."

"Blessing?" Shinji puzzled, "I'm sorry, I don't understand."

"She means that Hikari and you could ask to get married right now, and the Shirakami would allow it," Kodama glowered.

"We would encourage it," the restauranteur corrected. "None who have met you, Shinji, would doubt that you love that darling child with all of your heart. That you continue to struggle against the inevitable is only seen as a sign of your worthiness, not as a measure of some form of dithering or desire to 'play around'. Hikari's own feelings are patently obvious, and a marriage between you would serve to not only encourage her to focus on her studies, but would give us all some peace knowing that Toshiro's family was secure."

Kodama crossed her arms, inadvertently hefting her assets, "So I'm just in the way?"

Their host tented her fingers, "Are you?"

"You know about our curse, Xu-san," Kodama snapped, "everyone in the Shirakami knows about what mother left us."

"I do," she tilted her head, "though there is no record of two of your line falling for the same man happening before."

The eldest Horaki sat forward and pointed angrily across the table, "Well, there's also no reason to believe it hasn't and wasn't discussed!"

"E-excuse me," Shinji interrupted before the discussion could devolve into shouting, "why would the Shirakami care what we did?"

"Because they love meddling," Kodama replied, her voice heavy with irritation.

"Because, child," their host retained her calm, "clear bloodlines are important to maintain traditions and history." She sighed, turning to face Shinji, "You, of course, wouldn't understand. You are an outsider, even within your own family. To you, the heart decides what the heart wants, and if it is what is best for both parties so much the better." Jiaxin returned to the room, carrying a different kettle. "As an example, for the purposes of illustration alone," she stressed, "what would you say if I told you that Jiaxin loved you?"

"I…I'd ask why?" Shinji's brow drew down in confusion, "I haven't spent enough time around her to get to know her properly, to see if she felt that way because she was misinformed about who and what I am."

"Jiaxin," she looked to the young waitress who was currently scowling back at her, "what would you do if I told you to marry Shinji?"

"I'd ask whether you'd discussed this with Suzuka, Nanako, and the others, because you've clearly lost your mind." Pouring a new cup for Shinji, far more gently than she had in the past, she placed it close to him, "Drink…Shinji." The conscious choice to use his name seemed important, "It's best warm."

Carefully lifting the fragile-looking cup, Shinji drank deeply of the brew. The flavor was odd, nearly unidentifiable. He recognized hints of things, but nothing that he would honestly declare to be the main ingredient. Once half the cup was gone, after only two swallows, he nodded, "This is interesting. I can't place…maybe…it tastes very sharp."

"Drink the rest," Jiaxin ordered quietly. "I admit, I'm impressed. The last person to try this acted like I was poisoning them."

Swallowing the last of his drink, he set the cup down and nodded in gratitude, "Thank you for sharing this, Jiaxin-san. I'm not quite sure how it is supposed to help, but I appreciate you thinking of my well-being."

She poured more into his cup, then additional into a separate cup she placed by a chair she sat upon. "It's a relaxant," her voice retained the soft-spoken manner she'd suddenly adopted with him. "Give it half an hour, you'll feel less anxious." Picking up her own drink, she looked to her aunt, "He won't understand, Nana. Our duty is clear to us, because _we_ have been raised by that duty."

"He will understand," the elder Xu smiled, "because he understands the nature of responsibility. What I'm explaining to him requires him to understand that the Shirakami are beholden to each other. Now, you know quite well what your answer should be. If I told you to marry him?"

She sighed, rolling her eyes, "I'd ask Nanako and Suzuka, and if they agreed that was what was decided I'd get ready to be married." Looking over to Shinji, she shrugged, "I probably wouldn't hate it after a few days. He actually seems like someone I could respect."

"But why would you do that to your niece?" Shinji frowned, "She shouldn't be forced into being with someone like…like that. She should be allowed to choose who, or even if, she wants to."

"She wouldn't," Jiaxin stated plainly. "She can, but she wouldn't."

"It was something that Daddy refused to engage in," Kodama added firmly. "He married mom because he was ordered to, and yes, it worked out. But, he told us that he would never, ever, direct our lives like that."

"No one is directing your life, child." The elder Xu grimaced, "We're simply asking you to understand our concerns regarding Shinji's public image."

Shinji paused in the act of taking another drink, "My…what?"

"Should you choose to join the family," Jiaxin cut through her Aunt's tendency towards drama, "you'd be expected to live a life that reflected well on the rest of the family. Having a _mistress_ ," she emphasized how Kodama would be perceived, "is not exactly considered appropriate. Any children you'd have would be considered suspect, no matter how obviously pregnant your girlfriend, eventually wife, was."

"That's nonsense," Kodama scoffed.

"It is what has maintained our standing, child," the elder Xu pronounced resolutely. "We are widely respected, asked after to mediate disputes, known to be incorruptible. The appearance of impropriety would do immeasurable damage to that reputation."

"Then if Kodama and Hikari convince me," Shinji mused, "I can't be involved with the Shirakami."

"Hikari is trying to convince you?" Jiaxin looked surprised, "To include her own sister?"

"Not like that," Kodama snorted disgustedly. "My sister understands what it feels like to watch as the man you are meant to love walks away from you. She's willing to share him with me, she _offered_ before I said word one."

"She offered after you began a subtle campaign to entice Shinji," their host declared. "Do not think we haven't spoken with her, child. Or that we are ignorant of this plan of yours to add others. At least this Captain Ibuki seems to understand honor and graciously declined once Shinji himself made it clear how he views the world."

"Honor?" Kodama stood, her chair tipping over to the floor as her temper consumed her, "Honor killed my father. Honor has nearly killed the man I love three times. If _honor_ is so damned important then _honor_ can jump in front of the next moving vehicle instead!" Grabbing her clutch from the table, she looked to Shinji, "Let's go. It was a mistake to come here, apparently." Storming out of the room without waiting for him to reply, she made clear her expectations.

Shinji stood, with more grace and control than his date had shown, "I apologize, Xu-san," he bowed politely, "this is all my fault. I appreciate the opportunity to eat here again. If there's anything I can do to help, please let me know."

"It isn't your fault, Shinji," the elder Xu sighed. "You haven't done anything more than simply exist. Go, she'll expect you to follow quickly after."

"He should stay, Nana," Jiaxin cautioned coldly. "His heart belongs to Hikari, and his humoring of Kodama is only drawing out her pain."

"I'm…." Taking a deep breath, he stood straight, "I'm just trying to make everyone happy. They've had far too much sadness lately, and it all started with me showing up in Tokyo-3." Bowing to the young waitress, he bid them farewell, "Thank you for the tea, Jiaxin-san. I hope that you can find common ground with Yang-san, despite whatever happened in the past." Turning, he left to catch up to Kodama, hoping that she understood his need to be polite.

The door closed behind him, and Jiaxin looked to her aunt, "I hope you know what you're doing, Nana."

"You don't build a bonfire without fanning the flames, child," the elder Xu stood up and sighed. "If he doesn't begin to burn soon, I may just have to order Yang to marry him."

"She wouldn't deserve him either, Nana." Finishing her tea, she set the cup down and stood to bus the table, "Yang would only take from him, she'd never feed his spirit in return."

The matriarch raised her eyebrow, "Who else would there be? You?"

"Don't be ridiculous," Jiaxin sniffed. "I said I wouldn't hate it, not that I'd enjoy it. He's a good man, with a good heart. If the family is going to recruit him, we'd have to find another Hikari Horaki. Someone that would put him first and foremost, so that when he returned the favor he wasn't just dumping his water into a bottomless well."

She smiled, pleased with her niece's sentiment, "It's good to see you recognize your failings child, it gives me confidence in leaving the Blue Crane to you one day, but you have yet to look past the present enough to see where the future may lead."

+++++ 5th Angel + 7 : Friday (36)

"Kodama," Shinji caught up to her at the foyer, "Kodama, wait."

Spinning to face him, she jabbed him in the chest with her small purse, "It's nonsense, Shinji! Don't tell me you're listening to them?!"

"I'm not listening to anyone," Shinji held his hands up defensively. "Right now, I'm just trying to make sure you don't storm out of here and get hurt."

"We can wait outside," Kodama clasped his arm, pulling him to the door, "I don't want to be in this wretched place any longer than we have to."

Carefully balancing his weight so that he allowed her to take the lead without tangling himself with her or toppling her over, Shinji pulled his phone out and dialed the number he had been given to call once the dinner was finished. Subtly guiding Kodama through his own movements towards the street where the car would meet them, he tried to find words that would soothe the enraged lioness with him, "I don't think she was attacking you personally, Kodama. I think she'd feel the same about any woman Hikari asked."

"Like that matters at all, Shinji," Kodama stomped to a halt. "Daddy hasn't been dead a week and they're already trying to step in and run our lives!"

Making a soothing motion with his hands, he tried to encourage her to speak with less volume, "I don't know that-"

"No, you don't know!" Kodama stepped free, pointing back towards the restaurant, "You don't know what it's like to watch your father slowly kill himself because he's trying to live up to an impossible standard. You don't know what it's like to watch your younger sisters be 'encouraged'," she made quotation marks sarcastically with her fingers, "to seek out 'suitable' husbands. The constant unending pressure to excel at whatever we do so that we wouldn't 'hurt' Daddy's image."

Her comments wounded Shinji in different ways simultaneously. He knew quite well the pain of trying to live up to an impossible standard, it was one of the burdens that came with knowing that failure meant the death of everything on Earth. However, he also knew that he wasn't unique, and that others like Kodama could be hampered with unbearable expectations that, while not omnicidal, were still too much to tolerate stoically.

"And what do they want us to do?" Kodama threw her hands out to the side, "Feed you into the same shredder! Daddy died, so we'll just take the next Horaki man and shove him into the same spot! Worked great the first time, why not see if we can give him stress-induced kidney failure and a pancreatic degenerative disease just like the last one while we're at it!"

"Kod-"

"No, Shinji. I'm not going to calm down," gripping his shirt, she pulled him down so that she was eye-level with him. "They. Want. To kill. You. They want to use you like they used him, and in the process, ruin any happiness we might find in each other."

"K-"

She let him go, pushing him back slightly, "And you want to consider joining them? Do you just enjoy being miserable, Shinji?"

He held his hands out before him to sue for peace, "Kodama!"

"What?!"

Taking a quick breath, hoping that he could hold onto his remaining confidence, he gestured to where Akane stood outside of the driver's side eyeing the eldest Horaki warily, "The car's here."

Clenching her jaw, she spun on her toes and marched over to the car, flinging the door open before Akane could grab it and dropping into her seat. The slam of the heavy door caused Shinji to flinch, and Akane to gesture for him to hurry over.

Moving around to his side of the vehicle, he waited for Akane to open the door as he had been asked, "I'm sorry." His low whisper directed to the Section Two agent brought a pained frown to her face, followed by a quick squeeze of his arm as he moved to seat himself. Kodama's body language was completely closed off, leaving no doubt as to her desire for a quiet ride home. Pulling his seatbelt on, he judiciously avoided any motions that would seem other than contrite. _I don't know what I did. I don't know what I can do._ Swallowing the urge to sigh, he closed his eyes, _This was a mistake._

No words were exchanged on the ride home. To the driver, she may as well have been transporting a pair of corpses for all the sound that was produced by her passengers. Pulling up to the Horaki residence, she barely had the car stopped before Kodama threw her door open and stormed into the house, slamming the door behind her.

Shinji sat still, waiting patiently for whoever was supposed to open his door. _I shouldn't be here. Not if it's just going to bring pain._ The door opened, a gentle clicking sound as the latch disengaged, and Shinji looked up to see Idunn smiling down at him with a look that spoke volumes.

The tall redhead offered him a hand in climbing out of the low-slung vehicle, "How're you doing?"

The answer was pure Shinji Ikari, "I'm fine."

"Yeah," he heard her message of disbelief loud and clear, "I guess you are."

"I apologize, Idunn-san. Kodama isn't used to restrictions being placed on her, I'll try and ask that she lets someone open her doors in the future," bowing mechanically, he stood and turned to go into the house. "I…might need to leave again. Depending."

"We've got places for you, Shinji-san," Akane responded reassuringly. "You don't need to stay here, if you don't want to."

Deciding that discretion was the better part of valor, Shinji walked away from the pair of agents over to the door, pausing with his hand on the handle. Inside, there were so many things that needed fixing. So much that needed to be handled. _I caused this._

As he pushed the door open enough to hear, knowing he couldn't delay finding out whether the cat inside the box was alive or dead, he winced as he heard Kodama's shout, "…and of course he just sits there letting them fill his mind with what Daddy _supposedly_ would want him to do! I'm not good enough, nobody but _you_ is good enough, and he's supposed to just go from fighting giant aliens to ruining his health to keep the old ways alive for another fucking generation!"

"Ko-Ko," Hikari's volume was nowhere near her sister's, "you know that Shinji doesn't see it that way."

"Right, that's why the entire evening he didn't touch me once," Kodama threw her clutch on the table. "I am dressed provocatively enough that I should get an erection from a cadaver, Hikari. You tell me why he wouldn't even look at me! He agrees with them, he doesn't want the hassle that comes with more than one partner no matter how willing _you_ might be."

"What do you want me to say, Ko-Ko?" Hikari kept her hands folded, her tone diplomatic, "I don't think he's come to any decisions, not after one night. I doubt that he's going to pursue a life with the Shirakami, especially not if it means abandoning one of us. What is it that you are so afraid of? All of this anger isn't just because of Daddy's company. Something set this off."

Kodama's rage boiled over, "He doesn't love me, Hikari! I will spend years, decades, working my way into his heart and he'll never look at me the way he looks at _you_." The sound of something being thrown at a wall prompted Shinji to finally step into the house, afraid that a fight might be breaking out. "I am going to spend over fifty years comforting the man I love as he mourns my dead sister, forever doomed to come in second place to a corpse."

Shinji's world slowed down as he flowed towards the confrontation, the door being closed firmly behind him, the scene before him being analyzed piece by piece. _Kodama knows the future, at times. She confuses this world with the one I come from. She could be seeing Hikari dying in the world where I'm from._ He watched Hikari's face become the mask of iron she displayed when angered, the unemotional shell protecting the world around her from the wrath within. _Only, Hikari was mentioning before the wake that in the world I'm from she and I might have been married eventually. She was remembering fondly our meeting again after she started college. Her father's death bringing memories to the fore. So she was alive._

He was halfway towards the sisters when it struck him that the reason they might both be feeling whatever it was this curse they claimed gave them, was that Hikari died. Two women loving him, only one surviving, and this curse of theirs was preparing a replacement. He had his phone out, his thumb dialing Maya's number without looking at the device. His eyes were set, he was going to stop this insanity before it got out of hand. Sliding bodily between the two, perpendicular to both, he slipped his free hand onto Hikari's shoulder and placed the phone to the ear that faced Kodama. Without looking at either, he spoke one word, "Stop." His tone, never before used that either woman could remember, brooked no dissent.

Hikari was stunned, "Shinji?" She saw there before her a glimpse of the man that she wondered about. Calm, in control, a directed juggernaut that nothing could hope to cause to move even a hair from its path. She was witnessing Shinji Ikari as she knew he would one day be, and it awed her and frustrated her in equal measure.

"Mmm," a tired Maya Ibuki answered the phone on her end, "Shinji? Is everything ok?"

"Maya, I need you to get to NERV." _What could be wrong?_ Shinji thought rapidly through all of the minor aches and pains his girlfriend had ever complained of. From the negligible irritation of a chipped nail to the time she'd been struck in the back of her head by a stray volleyball, causing a minor….

Rei's bedside, the night before Jet Alone, floated through his mind. _"Oh, it's just a headache, Rei-san," Hikari patted her arm. "A lot of stress, and not a lot of good sleep lately."_ Suddenly, a series of images of her rubbing her temple began to come to mind.

"Shinji?" Maya sounded far more awake now, "Shinji, what's wrong?"

 _What did her mother die from?_ "I can't tell you over the phone. I'm bringing Hikari, I _need_ you to help me, Maya." Looking directly into Hikari's eyes, he frowned, "Please, you can't get there fast enough."

"Sure, sure," the sounds from the phone indicated someone climbing out of bed. "I'll meet you…uh, in my lab?"

"We'll be waiting." Hanging up the phone, he slid it into his pocket, "Get your shoes on, we're going." A small part of him realized he hadn't taken his own shoes off in his haste to intervene, which was smothered ruthlessly with the overarching fear of losing Hikari. Shifting his attention to Kodama, he held her gaze with a look that would have done his father proud, "You are staying here. We will speak when she and I return."

Kodama half reached for him, "Shinji, I-"

His transformation into a simulacrum of his father continued, "Will have an explanation as to why you foresaw her death and said nothing." His eyes flicked back to Hikari, "Why are your shoes not on?" Turning towards the door, he moved with a purpose, "If you have no undetected illnesses, then we'll set up a regular check-up. But one second wasted is one second too much."

"Shinji," Hikari followed along, her voice held low to avoid disrupting Nozomi any more than she might have already been, "not everything-"

He was having none of it, "What did your mother die of?"

Her answer was simple, "Cancer." She looked back towards Kodama, "Daddy never told us of what."

"According to our class notes in biology, ten, maybe more, percent of cancers are hereditary." Offering her a shoe, he kept the pressure on, "Out of a little more than one and a half billion men, I'm the only male to be able to successfully pilot an Evangelion. Out of trillions of copies of me, I was the one chosen to come back in time." His tone froze the room, "My entire life has been about ignoring the odds, I will not sit idly by when there is an ice cube's chance in Mount Asama that you will be taken from me. We are going to NERV, she," he gestured with the hand not holding the shoe towards his former date, "is staying here." Once more offering her the slip-on, his tone softened almost imperceptibly, "Your shoe."

"If it will make you feel better," Hikari sighed. "I really think I would have noticed if something was wrong, though."

As her sister put on her shoes, Kodama slumped down into a chair at the dining room table. Her anger, as always, had moved out ahead of her. "Please call…when you get there." The litany of regrets began its doleful march through her mind, the very facet of her personality that allowed her to bring him salvation from Misato's destructive grasp was now driving him away, all because she couldn't focus enough to know what was fear and what was fact.

Shinji opened the door, ushering Hikari out without turning around, "You'll be notified."

The closing of the door was gentle, and yet to Kodama it sounded like the clang of a jail cell.


	39. Chapter 39

+++++ 5th Angel + 8 : Saturday (37)

The midnight hour had arrived as Idunn watched Shinji march Hikari down the walkway. Her witty rejoinder died on her lips unspoken as she saw a look on Shinji's face that she didn't recognize, "What's going on?"

"NERV." The car had not yet left, Akane giving a report on what she had seen and heard to the tall redheaded Agent. Shinji gestured to the door, "Now."

Akane yanked the door open, "I haven't heard the alarm, is this a visit from our mutual friends?"

"No. This is private." Helping Hikari sit, he stepped clear so the door could be shut, "We'll be meeting Captain Ibuki at her lab." Striding around to the side he would enter on, he finally glanced to Idunn, "Kodama-san will be staying here with Nozomi-chan."

The way he said the eldest sister's name told Idunn everything she needed to know. Whatever this was about, it involved Kodama's anger from earlier. "I'll come along," hopping in the passenger's seat, she began texting instructions to her team to cover for the departure of half of the residents as well as the lead agent.

Akane held his door, "You're worrying me, kid."

Shinji spoke softly as he moved to sit down, "You're not the only one, Akane-san. Drive fast, please." Checking that Hikari had her seatbelt firmly in place, he then buckled himself in and reached over to take her hand. Scowling as the car took off down the street, he began a mental checklist of things that he'd need to do once they arrived. He couldn't get into any details while there, not without being overheard. Promises to talk in the future would work, for Maya. Idunn, on the other hand…. "Idunn-san."

"I'm listening," she kept her thumbs busy, splitting her attention between the man she was protecting and the necessary work of protecting those he loved.

He shifted gears mentally, trying a circuitous route where lying would be woefully ineffective, "When will the…inquest? I think that was the word you used. When will that be?"

"After you get back from the Fleet," he could see her frown down towards her cell, confused as to how the eventual interrogation and the current situation could be connected. "We're still working through time-sensitive data, and the General doesn't want to rush you before everyone while you're still dealing with trauma."

"I'm going to need to not tell them everything about what I do," he nodded, the idea becoming solid. "Some of the connection between me and Unit-01, between an Eva pilot and their Eva…it's very personal." _Like my mother's soul being a driving component._ "The problem is, without anyone to talk to about what I'm dealing with all the time I doubt I'll ever not be 'dealing with trauma', as you put it." Squeezing Hikari's hand twice, he tossed the dice, "That's why I've been talking to Hikari, telling her things I'd never tell anyone else."

Idunn sighed, and Shinji could tell she'd taken the bait, "I understand, Shinji. That's a very…serious concern, and I'll bring it up to the General." Turning, she favored him with a gentle smile, "I know that you're far more mature than your average teen, but I won't let them forget that you _are_ still a teen."

"When we get to NERV tonight," Shinji pressed the advantage, "I'm going to be telling Captain Ibuki something…personal," he again chose the word he'd been using as code for temporal topics. "I was convinced tonight that I need to, in order to get some small measure of peace. _This_ problem, though, is that I'll need privacy in a place that typically doesn't have any."

"No worries," Idunn's eyes looked past him, ideas and plans forming rapidly. "I can make that happen, Shinji. You just do what you need to do, and let me handle security." Her smile firmed, "Thank you. For letting me in a little bit more."

Nodding, Shinji kept his hand in Hikari's, but turned away to look out the window. He had too many tells, and looking at the woman beside him made him want to throw all the secrecy out of the car if it would buy him one more day with her.

Hikari had schooled her face towards neutrality, easily recognizing that Shinji was dancing around the truth in a way that she feared him fundamentally unsuited to do. It hurt, in a small way, that he wasn't facing her. She wanted to try and see in his eyes what damage her sister had managed, to gain an appreciation for the work she'd need to begin to salvage the situation. That he not only held her hand but had initiated the contact soothed that pain, however.

Akane, true to her skills, placed them in the NERV parking garage that gave them the closest access to Maya's new workplace in time that perhaps only Misato could have bested. Hopping out quickly, she had Shinji's door open just as Idunn had Hikari's, "Anything you need, Shinji-kun, you know me."

"Thank you," he favored the agent with a tight smile. "Tell Mikoto-san that I miss her too."

She nodded once, his willingness to spare time even during a crisis to be a good man making it all the more important that he arrive where he needed to rapidly. "Go, we've got your back."

Keeping his pace to Hikari's was an irritant, the woman he loved was much shorter than him, and by that virtue simply couldn't eat as much ground as his month-old form could. Picking her up and carrying her was an option, of course, but he quickly decided against it. He couldn't make Maya arrive faster, no matter how soon they arrived at her workspace.

Idunn was the first to reach the door. Looking down both hallways and seeing that nobody was around, she turned, "Ok. I guess Captain Ibuki isn't here yet. While we wait, is there anything you _can_ tell me? I understand the need for privacy, Shinji, but please do remember that I also want to try and help you live happily wherever I can." Opening her hands imploringly, she kept eye contact as best as he allowed, "Does it have to do with your date tonight?"

"I pushed him into that," Hikari stepped in to stop Shinji from having to extemporize. "I had hoped that he and Kodama could get along better, but my sister has a tendency to go 'all in'. I think she pushed him harder than he was ready to go."

Idunn nodded, sighing, "I could have told you that." Rubbing her cheek, she smirked ruefully, "To be honest, your sister dressed…provocatively. After dealing with what that heks attempted, I would have waited a little longer before trying such an overt seduction."

"Oh, but I think you would look lovely in that dress," she was dedicated to distracting the agent now, so Hikari kept the conversation moving randomly. "You have such an athletic build."

"Nowhere near the gifts to pull it off," Idunn chortled. "Your sister may not be quite as stacked as Captain Katsuragi, but I'd need to plump up a bit and squeeze them together to fill just one of those cups your sister does."

"Not red," Shinji stated, still watching the likely direction for Maya to approach from. "With your hair color, you'd be better in a pale yellow." _It was Asuka's favorite color to wear, and it made her hair glow like fire._

"Oh?" Idunn blinked, surprised that Shinji would comment on fashion.

"I've been looking through some fashion magazines," Hikari asserted quickly, realizing before Shinji did that he was dangerously close to giving away leads. Nobody in Japan had true 'red' hair, except for the few foreigners in NERV, and of those Shinji only knew Idunn. "We're going to try and help Rei-chan develop a wardrobe, but with her natural hair and skin color I've been looking through European styles. It's easy to match my hair to almost anything, but blues or reds seem to be much more limited."

"It's nice that your boyfriend isn't running in terror when you're discussing this," Idunn kept the tone light, misreading Hikari's attempts as intended to distract Shinji and not her. "You're a lucky woman, Hikari."

"Maya," Shinji called as he caught sight of the once-mousey technician walking around the corner, "thank you for coming."

Dressed in loose workout pants and an oversized sweatshirt, she projected the dual sense of a woman that was awoken early from a deep sleep, but was regardless ready to be awake for several hours more. Jogging down the hall, she paused long enough to swipe her badge across the reader, then wave everyone in, "Ok, inside."

Idunn looked in the room, finding that there was only one entrance, then gripped Shinji's shoulder, "Nobody will come past me, Shinji. If they need access, I'll call your phone, ok?"

"Thank you," Shinji offered a genuine smile, grateful that not only was he gifted with people who genuinely cared, but that he had been able to convince her to allow him to speak privately when it so clearly was important enough to warrant bringing everyone to NERV. Holding the door so Hikari could walk inside, he nodded in gratitude to Maya, then paused as another thought struck him, "Idunn-san?"

The agent looked back to him, "Hmm?"

He bowed contritely, "I'm sorry, I know that you haven't done anything to make me feel like I can't trust you…."

"No worries," she patted him on the shoulder, encouraging him upright again, "we've only known each other a few days. You want to make it up to me, invite me to your eventual wedding." She smiled, "Now go find your peace. Leave the worries out here for me."

The last person through the door, he let it shut firmly behind him before he acted. "Maya, I'm sorry." Stepping forward, he lifted her into a hug and whispered as low as his voice could manage with his lips near her ear, "There is more going on with me than you know, more than I've told you." He felt encouraged when her hands fell lightly on his waist, the woman he held clearly not angered by his actions, "There are things that I can't explain here, but I _need_ you to check Hikari for signs of…something. She's been complaining of headaches, her mother died of cancer, and I am terrified that the two are related."

Maya lifted one hand up, turning Shinji's head so that she could whisper in kind, "You know that I'd do anything for you, Shinji. But I'm going to need to involve someone who's familiar with certain machines. I'm good, but I'm not a specialist in every field." Squirming to be set down, she looked at Hikari, narrowing her eyes as she thought, "You know, Hikari, constant headaches can be a sign of something more severe. While I'm working with Shinji on these other things he's worried about, I'd like to have your permission to order a few tests." She smiled encouragingly, "An ounce of prevention, and all that."

Hikari nodded, "If it will help Shinji breathe easier." She shrugged, "But I really think they're just headaches. I'd know if I had something serious, wouldn't I?"

"Not necessarily," walking over to the office phone, she pulled out a roster and began to dial. "There are any number of illnesses whose first symptoms are causing death. Others that aren't responsible for the death of the patient, but still are only found after they're dead. It's a wonder we've survived as a species like this."

Waiting for the phone to ring through, she pushed the button for the conference speaker. Two rings in, a familiar voice picked up the other end of the line identifying themselves, "Corpsman Kaz. Who's broken this time, ma'am?"

"Kaz-san," Maya answered respectfully, "I need imaging done on Hikari Horaki's cranium. Your team has familiarity with Shinji-san, I wanted to give you right of first refusal on her."

"Hikari-chan?" Kaz sounded surprised, "When are we doing it?"

Maya looked to Hikari, "She's here, now."

"Bring her to the radiology lab, Rina-chan is credentialed." His voice moved from the phone, "Rina-chan, we're mobile. Our favorite pilot's lady needs your talents." A short pause, then his voice was once more directed to the phone itself, "We're on our way, probably beat you there. Out."

The line died, and Maya hung up her end, "Ok." Standing up, she wobbled a bit, "Ooo, sorry."

Shinji was over instantly, scooping the woman off her feet, "Here, I'll carry you. Let's go." He looked to Hikari as Maya attempted to free herself from his gentle clutches, "I know the way, follow me." Breaching the door, he paused to address Idunn, "Radiology lab, this way."

"Radiology?" Idunn frowned, "Why?"

Maya, who had given up protesting, let her head fall back over Shinji's bent arm and addressed the agent upside-down, "Perfusion MRI, maybe a few others. Walk and talk." Lifting her head back up, she looked at Shinji with a patient smile, "You know, I can walk on my own. I'm tired, not broken."

"You're unsteady," Hikari took her place on Shinji's right, lightly patting Maya's knee. "He's right to be cautious with someone precious to him. If he's doing this for me, then he's no less right for doing it for others that have earned a place in his heart."

"What happened?" Idunn kept pace easily, their movement still limited by Hikari's leg length, "Nobody reported a medical event to us. You know we'd have acted promptly, Miss Horaki."

"It came up while he was talking to me," Maya covered smoothly. "His lack of sleep, the reasons behind it, and how he noticed every morning that Hikari was having headaches. I won't get into what is bothering Shinji, that's not my place, but we're going to do some diagnostic examinations on Hikari. I wouldn't be a good guardian if I let the woman keeping my ward sane suffer."

"Morning headaches?" The redheaded agent nodded, "Makes sense. Even if they're just migraines, it's best to rule out the scary stuff first I guess." Smiling ruefully at Shinji, she shook her head, "You never seem to get the time to take care of everything you need, do you, Shinji?"

"I'm making the time for this," he answered quietly, his eyes on the path before him. "I told you, and General Benoit, that the Horaki family is everything to me. This is more important than me, and I won't be able to relax while I'm gone if I don't know that this is being taken care of."

"Gone?" Maya frowned, "You're still going on the trip with Misato on Sunday?"

"I told her I would, and if I expect her to keep her word, I have to keep mine." _Or the Angel will kill her and Asuka._ "Meeting the new pilot, setting a good example…I have to earn what I'm asking for, Maya."

Kaz stood out in front of the radiology labs with a bundle of cloth, "Ladies, Shinji-san," he nodded by way of greeting. Offering the bundle to Hikari, he pointed to a nearby room, "Right in there, ma'am. No metal, no makeup, nothing but OEM parts?"

Hikari tilted her head in confusion, "OEM?"

"Original Equipment Manufacturer," he grinned. "What your parents gave you when you were born."

"Oh," she shook her head, "no. Nothing like that. I don't wear makeup, I do have a medical implant, but I was told it wouldn't interfere with things like this. It's…uhm…."

"Right," he nodded in understanding. "No, that's non-ferrous, it wouldn't bother this machine. You go get changed, and I'll see about convincing your boyfriend to give you a ring so you can worry about these questions in the future." He smiled at Shinji, winking collegially.

Setting Maya back down on her feet, Shinji blushed slightly, "Only when she's ready for something like that." He kept his gaze on the floor, "She still has the ability to find someone better."

"Hardly," Kaz snorted. "Good men like you are hard to come by, my friend. I should know, with all the looking I've done."

Hikari decided against further delay, despite wanting to put a sign on Shinji somewhere that asked for everyone to stop teasing him about marriage. The young woman slipped into the changing room and began the process of getting changed.

Kaz guided Shinji and the two remaining ladies over to the technician's chamber, growling as he passed a smaller man that Shinji didn't recognize. The lesser man seemed to compact himself further, and as soon as the door was clear made a break for it. "Some people think they own things around here," the big corpsman explained brusquely. "I already have a message in to the Boss to have a chat with that asshole's supervisor. Nobody walk past the green line there. Mister Magnet eats things, and then I eat the people that fed him."

"When we ask our coworkers politely to borrow their toys," Rina floated into the room to check on a few systems, "we really should expect polite responses." Pausing on her way back out, she smiled fondly at Shinji, "We are pleased to see you on your feet, Shinji-kun." Her smile dropped completely as she looked at Maya, "What are we looking for?"

"Tumors, growths, bleeding, anything that would cause consistent headaches," Maya responded quickly. "She's experiencing unceasing headaches in the morning, tapering slightly as the day wears on, and that's where we start."

The twin nodded once, typing out more commands on the console before her, "If it's there, I'll find it." She frowned in concentration, "Her past medical records would be nice, though. Kaz-kun, could you be so kind as to hunt those down for me? Any imaging, especially."

"On it," the big man slid out of the room and hustled down the corridor.

Idunn coughed, "Won't we need permission from her and the hospital?"

"I have permission," Rina answered tartly. "We had her sign documentation while she was visiting Shinji-kun, it turns out their blood types are compatible, and so we wanted to run a thorough screening. Just in case things went sideways with Shinji-kun, we didn't want to wait around for the blood bank to respond." She smiled again when she turned to Shinji, "All three of the Horaki ladies have the same blood type, which matches well with your own. Very compatible."

Blushing harder, Shinji scuffed the floor with the toe of his shoe, "I'm very lucky."

"Ok, nobody touch anything," Rina swept past Shinji, towards the changing room. Over the sounds of the various machines, Shinji couldn't make out what she was saying to his girlfriend, but the corpsman was demonstrating a gentle touch with the woman he loved. He once more appreciated the difference between this world and the one he'd left behind. In this world, the woman he loved more than anything was being treated as if she mattered. She was being afforded respect that she had earned.

"We'll find it, Shinji," Maya stepped closer, her voice low. "If there's something to worry over, we have the tools and the people to use them. NERV was prepared for any contingency regarding the pilots."

"You'd have to be," Idunn sighed. "Three engagements, three injuries to the pilots. Only the first encounter could even hope to qualify as 'fully successful'."

Maya turned defensively, protecting Shinji's honor even if he wouldn't, "We are doing our best. Shinji can't have done better than he did, not as hamstrung by bureaucracy as he was."

"Not saying the failures are on you," the tall agent made a gesture of surrender. "Between Gendo Ikari and Ritsuko Akagi, it almost seems as if you were being set up to succeed at great cost."

"They won't stop me," Shinji kept his eyes on Hikari. On the sole source of hope in his world. "If I have to go out there and kill the Angels with my bare hands…they won't stop me." _I don't know what's worse. Finding nothing…or finding something._ His hands clenched and unclenched, keeping rhythm with the dark thoughts circling through his mind. _What do I have to do to stop this? To stop the Horaki family from suffering because I exist?!_

 _Oh, there are ways._ A voice, tantalizingly similar to the darker whisper tickled the back of his mind. _The question is, what are you prepared to give to see them 'safe'?_

Shinji froze, the world around him falling silent save for the beating of his own heart. _H-hello?_

 _Ah my dear, sweet, Shinji. What a predicament you've found yourself in._ The sultry undertone began to more clearly differentiate the entity speaking in his mind from the darker, angrier, whisper. _You've done such wonderful things, made such glorious strides towards realizing your potential…and yet._

He saw Rina approach and begin speaking to him, but could hear nothing. To look at her face, he assumed she was trying to be encouraging to him as she began to work the machine. _You're the one that brought me back._ Rina smiled in understanding at his eyebrows furrowing in worry and consternation, and moved on to begin the tests.

 _I am._ Amusement filled the voice, _I also, am not._

 _What?_ Shinji found he was unable to move, the instinctive motion that would accompany his confusion prevented by stasis.

 _You agreed to come back, Shinji. To_ win. _So far, you've done an acceptable job, despite flailing around like a child._ The amusement faded, _I would appreciate it if you did not conspire with lesser beings quite so often…but I suppose that is the price I pay for keeping my hands off of you for so long._

 _Who are you?_ The test continued, Hikari laying placidly on the machine that would look within her skull. He wanted nothing more than to focus entirely on that, on the fate of the woman he loved, and yet once again he was forced to deal with another dragon, another obstacle, another distraction.

 _I am me,_ the voice commented wryly.

 _What's your name?_ He tried, _How do I call you?_

 _You don't, Shinji._ A stern note entered her tone, _I call you._

Anger began to build beneath the stasis, once more being denied even basic understanding of the situation he was in by forces beyond his control. At first, it was his father, then the Angels, and now the being that came and went as it pleased. _Then leave me alone. I have enough nonsense in my life to deal with, without having to play word games with a disembodied voice._

 _Do you truly believe that?_ He felt a pressure build against his cheek, _You rejected the body I chose, Shinji. Was it not to your liking?_ His face began to heat up, as if a clothes iron was being pressed against his skin, _Would you perhaps prefer something in blue?_ _I can take anything I wish, Lover. Once this is all over, I will have what I desire._

The pressure alleviated all at once, the stasis fleeing with it. Wincing, Shinji reached up and gingerly felt along his face. While there was no marking, or tangible heat, the pain lingered on. Grinding his teeth, he tried to refocus his mind. _This always happens when I need to focus._ Given the chance to move his own body again, he glanced over to see Rina dutifully working, Idunn typing on her phone to the various agents cooperating with her, and Maya looking over Rina's shoulder as unobtrusively as possible. _I'll deal with the voices later._

Realizing that he was the only one without anything to do, he began to feel self-conscious. Staring at Hikari seemed…wrong, watching what Rina was doing gained him nothing, and so he backed over into the corner and watched the clock. Tapping his fingers against his leg, he once more thought of the Song of Morning. It was a song of hope, and he needed that desperately at the moment. _I should call Kodama. She needs to know that we're here, that Hikari's being evaluated._ He frowned with the thought, _Why wouldn't she say anything? She loves her sister, she loves both of them! Was it because she didn't think anything could be done? Did she think I wouldn't try? That I wouldn't believe her?_

Time ticked past, and he stood with the only sign of life being the rhythmic tapping of his fingers to the beat. _How do I feel about her?_ The evening's 'date' replayed rapidly through his thoughts, _She says she got no reaction from me, but I did take her hand once. She touched my shoulder, I took her hand! I mean…that's a lot for me._ He deflated slightly, _But she doesn't know that. She doesn't know how hard it is for me to…to reach out._ He grimaced, _She_ does _know, though. She's seen it! Is she just…am I just blaming everything on Toshiro-san? Is she needing attention because…_. He laughed, quietly, _I need to talk to her. Like I need to talk to everyone. This is why I didn't, before. No matter how many times I reach out, there's always more to be done. It never ends._

The door opened nearby, admitting Kaz. The big man reached over and shook Shinji's arm, a friendly gesture intended to show support. Sitting down next to Rina, he inserted a small drive and pulled up a series of files. There was nothing Shinji saw from his brief glimpse that drew him in, and his desire to protect Hikari's privacy drove his eyes back down. He was, at best, her boyfriend. That gave him no rights to look through her medical history, and even less to do so when she was unaware.

Another glance at the clock showed that time had decided to dither about, leaving him stuck with his thoughts once more. _What is that voice? How can she speak to me outside of Unit-01? She wants me to win. I think she was threatening Rei._ He looked back to the door, _Should I call…do I even have Rei's number?_ Looking quickly through his phone, he found that he did not. _She has a phone, all pilots do. She'd give it to me if I asked. Should I ask Maya? …Not now, she wouldn't understand, and I can't explain here._

Suddenly, Rina stood, stopping the machine. "Ok, Agent you need to leave. Captain Ibuki too." Looking to Shinji, she frowned, then looked to Kaz, "Opinion?"

"Ask the lady," the big man shrugged.

"I really shouldn't leave my principle unattended," Idunn stated tentatively.

Rina raised her eyebrow, "You're carrying a weapon, yes?"

"Of course."

The corpsman scoffed, "Then the really big magnet says you don't go into the room with it. Out. Anyone tries to come in with bad intentions, they're going to hurt themselves long before Kaz-kun and I do. You'll know what you need to know after the patient does," walking over to Shinji, she pointed to a nearby locker, "put anything metal in there. Take your shoes off. I know you don't have any implants, so no concerns." Leaving him behind, she made for Hikari to help her free herself.

"Maya," he handed her his phone and wallet, "this is all I have on me. Please watch after them."

"Of course." The dutiful Captain hesitated, then popped up on her toes and pressed a kiss to his cheek, "We're with you, Shinji. No matter what." Pushing Idunn, she moved the taller woman out of the room into the hallway.

He clenched his jaw as he kicked off his shoes, settling them in front of the locker. Kaz stood staring at a display, seeming to piece things together slowly. As Shinji approached, the big man shook his head, "I think I see what she's worried over. But Rina-san's had the training, I haven't. Wait for her."

"Ok, boys," Rina's voice carried over the fans. "Patient says you can enter."

Shinji was quick on his feet, reaching Hikari's side without delay. He took her hand in his, rubbing his other hand over the top of her knuckles. "Is it bad?"

Rina nodded, "For certain definitions, yes." She held up her hand, "There is no such thing as a 'good' mass in your brain. However," she cautioned, "it's on the small side. With modern surgical techniques, we can hopefully excise it without significant scarring." Slipping on a fresh pair of gloves, she lightly touched Hikari's forehead, "The headaches, right about here?"

"Y-yes," he could feel her quiver under his touch. "Is…is it…."

"We'll know once it's out of you," Kaz's voice was as calm as Rina's. "First step is finding a neurosurgeon." He scowled, "We don't have an NS on staff. The one we anticipated coming on board…didn't. I also know that none of the doctors in the local area made the cut, or we'd have co-opted them."

"I don't advise waiting," Rina continued. She gave both Shinji and Hikari a look that spoke of confidence, "We'll find someone qualified, someone we trust."

"Hikari," Shinji gently disengaged his hand, "I'll be right back. If you are ok with me telling her, I'm going to go ask Idunn if the General knows of anyone who might help."

"Shinji," he could see actual, earnest, fear on her face, "I…hurry."

"I'll be right back, I swear." Jogging quickly, he made it to the hallway, throwing the door open and stepping outside, "Idunn-san," the tentative young man they all knew was nowhere to be seen, in his place was the same implacable force from earlier, "I need the best neurosurgeon you can find. I will pay whatever price needed, but I need one that can get here right now. Please, tell me General Benoit can help." His voice was steady, his tone radiating danger. He would tear the world in half if it would get the person needed here faster.

"Speak of the Devil, as they say," a powerful voice spoke from nearby. Turning, Shinji saw General Benoit and Kozo Fuyutsuki approaching. The man looked quite different out of uniform, almost scholarly. "Is there something that you need, Paladin? Some way this old warhorse can help?"

"General, sir," Shinji bowed deeply before the man, "Hikari-san, the woman whose father passed the day we met, she needs a neurosurgeon. I don't know what is in her brain, but Corpsman Rina says that she needs a neurosurgeon and that none of the doctors locally meet their qualifications."

Patting Shinji on the shoulder, the elder officer's demeanor changed from scholarly to martial between heartbeats, "Agent Haraldson, please contact the home office and make preparations to bring Vivienne here. I'll call her and ask her to make ready for immediate dustoff, it's supper there." Nodding to Shinji as the young pilot regained his footing, he had his phone out and dialed blindly, "My daughter-in-law just so happens to be a neurosurgeon, and it seems I now have the answer as to why my son chose to join the military as a doctor instead of following my path. Les voies du Seigneur sont impénétrables. Go, be with your fille, let us handle this."

Kozo's countenance was grim as he regarded Shinji, "Is she in there?"

"Yes," he turned to head back inside, pausing as he felt the old man's grip on his elbow. "Sir, I need to be in there right now."

"Shinji," the lack of formality gave Shinji further pause. Leaning in, Kozo lowered his voice so that only the pilot could hear, "I need you to go to the Fleet with Misato. You can't stay here."

His jaw popped as he clenched it, "I know." Spitting out the two words through his teeth, he tore his arm free and walked back inside to give what support he could, for as long as he could. He couldn't be angry with the old man, as it was not his fault that the Sixth Angel decided to attack Unit-02 at sea. But that didn't mean that he had to like being told that the rest of the world was more important than _his_ world.

+++++ 5th Angel + 8 : Saturday (37)

"How are they?" Misato stood outside of the hospital room where Hikari had begun receiving the courses of treatment that would prepare her for the eventual surgery. The window between the hallway and the room itself had the curtains open, revealing Shinji and the eldest Horaki sibling speaking in subdued tones to each other as Hikari slept.

Maya looked up from where she had been working on a remote connection to fulfill her obligations while being where she could be easily reached if things went south. Idunn had been brutally honest regarding the night prior, and Maya only tolerated Kodama's presence around Shinji at the man's request. "They're speaking," she shook her head, "that's what I know."

Lacing her fingers behind her head, Misato groaned, "I've been ordered to take him with me." Her tone was as disgusted as the face she made, "The acting commander says that Shinji agreed…. This is insane, Maya. First Ritsuko, then Toshiro-san, and now this? How much are the spirits planning on piling on him?"

"More," reaching over for her coffee, Maya found the cup empty. Glaring at it, she crumpled it into a ball and hurled it into the nearby trash bin, "Always more. Don't you know? That's his job. To take all of this garbage and bear it with a smile. To help everyone else, and never have anyone able to stop him from being kicked in the teeth all day." Slamming her laptop shut, she stood, "I'm going to go get more coffee."

Misato watched as Maya stormed off, wishing that she had something to smash. _Or someone_. Frowning, she unlaced her fingers and slapped her cheeks hard, "Stop that. We're not doing that anymore." Straightening her spine, she looked over to the agent that was guarding the door, "Is it ok if I go in? I want to make sure there's nothing I can do to help."

"One second," the dead-eyed woman held up her hand. Knocking quietly, she opened the door enough to murmur a question, then stepped back and gestured into the room, "Keep it brief."

"Misato-san," Shinji nodded slightly in greeting.

"Shinji," crossing to her ward, NERV's powerful Tactical Commander hugged him fiercely, "how are you holding up? How is she?" She felt a light touch on her back, evidence that he cared but clearly was uncomfortable at the moment.

"I'm fine," he lied poorly. "She's been sleeping, the medicine they've been giving her has that effect."

"Antibiotic cocktail, various prophylactic measures," Kodama uttered. "A few other things, getting her ready for someone to cut into her skull." The normally vivacious woman seemed broken, "We could march a rock concert through here, and she wouldn't wake up."

Shinji nodded, his eyes remaining on Hikari, "When are we leaving?"

"I haven't finished arguing with them about that yet," she stopped when he looked back at her, a sudden anger scarcely hidden beneath the two-toned gaze.

His tone was free of the rage, barely, "I am going, Misato-san. They are helping Hikari because I am useful. I am useful, because I am doing my duty. If I don't do my duty, they won't help Hikari." Glancing briefly over to the hallway window, he nodded to himself, "When are we leaving?"

"Tomorrow morning," she kept her tone civil, despite wanting to berate Shinji for giving in so easily to the constant stream of abuses. "Oh-five hundred."

"I'll be ready." Reaching over, he adjusted the sheet covering Hikari so that it wasn't so wrinkled, "Did you need anything, Misato-san? I would really rather keep my attention on Hikari, if you don't mind."

"No," she scowled, "I just wanted to let you know that I hadn't given up."

"I'm going, Misato-san," he reiterated. "I have my duty."

She felt him wall her off, the set of his shoulders, the way his hands cycled between open and shut. He was done speaking to her, and the subject was closed in his mind. "If there's anything I can do…." Seeing no reaction from either conscious person, she let the sentence die, turning to leave and find something to kick until it broke.

+++++ 5th Angel + 8 : Saturday (37)

"So this is what you do, Uncle?" Nozomi walked carefully alongside Kozo, minding her manners and not touching anything as she'd been asked. "It seems like an awful lot of work."

"It's not easy, making sure that your nii-san has what he requires to succeed." The acting commander nodded in greeting to a passing engineer, "But he works incredibly hard for us, and that means it is our duty to work twice as hard for him."

"Is it because Hikari needs the surgery?" Climbing up the staircase slowly, the steps not built for someone of her stature, she kept her eyes on her actions, "That he works so hard, I mean. He's always gone, or hurt, and when I do see him he's tired. You know he's been awake when I wake up, and awake when I go to bed, every day he's lived in the house?"

"I would not say so, my dear," General Benoit waited at the top of the stairs with a gentle smile. "If my gauge of your Shinji is correct, he would fight just as hard if your dear sister did not require the surgery. He is the kind of man that wants to keep those he loves safe. He understands that their safety is in his hands, and so he works harder than any ten men." Offering her a hand up the last few steps, he gestured towards Kozo, "Just as your uncle does. I have learned a great deal about this place since I arrived, and I am pleased to know that despite the many challenges they have faced, Shinji and your uncle have not lost their humanity."

"Peut-être une demi-vérité," Kozo responded with a sigh.

"There's that France language again," Nozomi frowned. "I'm going to learn that one day, and then you won't be able to hide stuff from me anymore, Uncle."

"An excellent suggestion," the General approved with a hearty laugh. "Learning the language of your enemy, or your ally, can only help you in the long run, mon petit. When my daughter-in-law arrives, I will make sure to let her know that you are interested. Perhaps she can have my granddaughter write you a letter, you could teach her Japanese as you learn French."

The distraction of Nozomi from the tragedies of life as the two men traded off tasks continued apace, "You have a granddaughter?"

"I have four," he responded with a smile. "Though only one is of an age with you." Watching openly as Kozo signed more documentation, he reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone, "Here, let an old grandfather show you his pride and joy."

+++++ 5th Angel + 8 : Saturday (37)

The evening brought quiet to the room, Kodama and Shinji sitting side by side, but not together. All that could be said had been, and all that needed to be said still hung heavily over them both. Meals had been offered, and declined. The corpsmen working on Hikari stated that denying themselves nutrition would do nothing beneficial had not budged either from their self-imposed penance, and so they pushed no further.

One of his metronomic glances at the clock brought him the realization that he needed to pack for his trip, "She won't wake up before I leave, will she?" The thought of not being able to say goodbye brought a fresh wave of grief, which he dutifully swallowed and buried under the cold rage within.

"No," Kodama answered simply.

"I need to pack." Standing, he was surprised when Kodama joined him, "You don't need to come, I can handle it on my own."

"No," she repeated, the meaning only slightly different.

"Kodama-san," he found keeping his tone steady, as if singing, made it easier to keep the anger from infecting his words, "she needs you here."

"No." Lifting her chin, she finally spoke further, "We need to say a few things to each other, before you leave. We can't say them here, and I don't want to leave them unsaid."

Shinji's lip twitched, "Is now the time?"

"I may not get another," gesturing towards the bed, she raised her eyebrow, "and I don't want to layer more regret on top of what I already carry."

He considered the woman before him for a moment, her determination, her actions since the evening before. "All right," reaching down, he picked up her light coat and held it out for her to put on.

The gesture was accepted gratefully, "Thank you."

Opening the door, he held it for her and waited until she was out before he looked one last time at his girlfriend. _You have to survive. I don't care how good they say your chances are, I_ need _you, Hikari. You're the only reason I'm still trying._ Quietly leaving before his nerve failed him, he looked to the woman assigned guard duty for the evening, "Please."

"No worries, mate," the brunette shook her head. "Nothing made by man will touch your princess while you're gone. You keep your eyes forward, Copper's got your six."

"We're off, then?" Idunn stood from her position on the nearby couch, "I could send someone to grab your things if you'd rather?"

"I don't know everything I'll need," he answered truthfully. "I'd rather make sure I can only blame myself, if I miss something and am stranded thousands of kilometers from it."

"Fair enough," she gestured towards the hallway, "on your lead, Paladin."

The trip home was stone silent, both passengers tacitly acknowledging that what needed to be said wasn't for general consumption, the driver unwilling to risk sparking whatever conflict may be brewing in the confines of the car. As they pulled up to the Horaki home, and Kodama went to pull the handle on the door, Shinji reached over and grabbed her hand before she could complete the motion. She frowned at him, receiving a small shake of his head in response.

"They have asked us to let them open the doors, Kodama-san," he kept his tone level. "It isn't too much to ask."

Her door was pulled open, and her hand freed from Shinji's grasp. Without responding, she swung her legs out and began to move towards the house. Shinji's door followed quickly, and he stood to see Jake holding it open. "Gonna be honest," the big agent murmured, "not how I saw last night going, sir."

"Stick around," Shinji sighed as he walked around the car. "Watch the Amazing Idiot manage to screw up the simple things just in time for the complex ones to bash him over the head." Joining Kodama at the door, he waited until she was inside the house proper before walking in and removing his own shoes. The entire building was silent, Nozomi gone to spend the evening up with Sakura. Inside now were two people, neither certain of the best way to begin their statements.

It was, in the end, Kodama that set the tone, "I love you." She faced away from him, towards the addition to the house that he stayed in. The words weren't said as an appeal, nor as an undying declaration, just a simple, matter-of-fact statement. "I know that I shouldn't, that it is only going to complicate everything from now on, that you only love Hikari…. But I love you. I love you, and no matter what happens, I always will."

Shinji waited, silent, for anything that might follow. It wasn't what he'd expected, as his expectations were more in line with him being yelled at for whatever had set her off the night before. He, perhaps foolishly, had been completely unprepared for this line of attack. When she turned around to see him, the look on his face induced a short giggle. His head was canted to the side, his mouth slightly agape, and with his hair loose he looked for all the world like a puppy that had been confused by a strange noise. The giggle, of course, snapped his mind back into place, and without further thought he bowed slightly, "I'm sorry."

Her mirth died quickly, "You're sorry, but you don't love me." The words seemed to be spoken in that secret dialect he expected women learned in the cradle, the language that caused him to feel as if he'd failed, "I know."

"No," Shinji stood, "that wasn't what I was saying." The guilt over his manifold failures stoking his rage, his anger begged to be unleashed, but he kept it at bay by working his hands into fists, "I was apologizing for standing there like an idiot." Tilting his head towards his room, he offered to talk and work at the same time, "I don't know _how_ I feel, Kodama-san."

Her voice trailed him as he moved to pack, "Considering you're back to using the honorific, I'd say it's fairly clear, Shinji."

Stopping at his door, he paused with his hand on the slide, "I'm using the honorific because I'm angry enough to tear an Angel apart barehanded." Looking over his shoulder, he shook his head, "I don't want to let it out again. I don't want to become _him_."

Kodama frowned, "Your father?"

"No," Shinji opened the door, walking in without turning on the light, "Sensei."

It was her turn to stand there in shock. She hadn't anticipated his response, any of his response. When she heard the subtle rustling of cloth, she moved into the room, leaving the lights off as he had. "The man who…was responsible for you?"

"Yes," his answer was curt. Slipping more into his bag, he paused, "Kodama-san…I mean it." He looked over, seeing the lovely older sister of his beautiful girlfriend sitting on his chair looking lost, "I don't know how I feel. I…it took me almost a month of constantly being by Hikari's side before I even began to understand that what I was feeling wasn't perverted. It took her that long to beat into my…absolutely retarded mind that what I was feeling wasn't disgusting." He turned back to his task, "To this very moment, I feel intensely guilty for even thinking about her like that. Doubly so now that she's lying in a hospital bed unconscious and unaware." He laughed, disgusted with himself, "When I was walking out of her room, I thought she looked so gorgeous, so peaceful. I could see the shape of her chest under the sheet…how grotesque am I, Kodama-san? That I thought of that while she's suffering?"

Her answer was abstracted, "You're not…gross. You're in love, Shinji."

"Am I?" Shoving another shirt into the bag, he cinched it closed and launched it through the open door and into the main house. His voice raised, his anger and confusion finally too great to restrain, " _Then why am I attracted to you_?!" Throwing his hand towards the door, his voice became louder, "Why do I think Maya is gorgeous? If I'm so in love, Kodama, why would I even contemplate doing anything with anyone else?"

Looking down at her lap, Kodama worked her thumbs over each other, trying not to respond with anger to his anger, "Because it's possible to love more than one person, Shinji."

Swallowing his volume, Shinji grated out, "But every time I think about Hikari and another man-"

"Then don't!" Kodama stood, stomping her foot, "Don't think about it! Because I swear she'd never do it, Shinji. _I'd_ never do it. If you brought Maya in, I would bet you a blowjob in front of Uncle against a pat on the bottom that _she'd_ never do it." She snorted, "Partially because she's almost entirely gay, and only seems to have a soft spot for you." Pointing out at the house, to the world beyond, she found herself standing closer to him, "I don't _want_ anyone else. Do you have any idea how many offers I've had, Shinji?"

"From better m-" His vision spun as he was now facing the wall instead of the woman before him. Her slap brought no pain, at least no physical pain, but it had managed to be firm enough that his head had snapped to its limit sideways.

"Never… _never_ …say that again." The pain soaking through Kodama's voice drew him slowly back towards her, tears flowing from her eyes, "I will not have it, Shinji. You have been beaten, abused, belittled, and through it all you fought." Shoving him back, she kept up her assault, "You climbed in that horror and you fought, Shinji! Not for this 'Asuka', not for Misato, not even for Rei. You were given _nothing_ , and you still fought!" She pushed him again, "Yes, you're troubled. Yes, you've got some peculiar notions. _Yes,_ that's perfectly fucking normal." One final push toppled him over onto his bed, "But you are a far better _human_ than any of those that begged me for a quick tug in a closet."

Shinji's breath was driven from him as she landed astride him, confusion and shock overwhelming him.

She leaned forward, her hands on his shoulders. Her voice soft, "You are going to go fight another Angel."

He felt her tears splash against his cheeks. "Y-yes."

"You might die," she whispered.

"…Yes." _It's always a possibility._

She sniffled, "And you're going anyway, knowing that."

"Yes."

"I am _not_ my sister," she lay down against him, kissing him passionately.

Shinji's first reaction was panic, his body locking up as he attempted to make sense of his own conflict. As he opened his mouth to stammer out some form of response, he found that Kodama's tongue was far more practiced at the art than Hikari's. His hands wouldn't cooperate either, what started as an attempt to ease her back to express his concern that she couldn't know what she was doing, became a slow tugging motion on her shirt.

Breaking the kiss, Kodama rolled her forehead against his, "I love you, Shinji. Not…not this," a light tug on his hair, "I love _you_. The scared, confused, man with an amazing heart and a horrid past." Rolling her hips slightly, she sat up and looked down at him, "From the moment I laid eyes on you, with a bruised eye and actions that only spoke of concern for others, I have loved you."

"I…I…." He freed one of his hands from the grip he had on her shirt, sliding it to her own and grasping it gently, "I need time." He shook his head as she went to speak, "I'm not good with this stuff, Kodama. Everything is all bunched together in my head, it's…it's like that yarn we worked with Nozomi to unwind, tangles looping back on each other, pulling on one end only tightens three more knots."

"I still think we should have used scissors," Kodama smirked.

"Doing that, then, would have hurt Nozomi's feelings." He freed his other hand, holding both of hers now, "I can't do anything that would risk hurting Hikari's…but I promise you," squeezing his hands he kept his gaze locked on hers, "I don't want to do anything that would hurt yours either."

She considered him for a time, then lifted her chin in a reflection of Hikari's habit, "Then don't die."

"I'll try my best," he chuckled. "Misato tells me often, though, that the enemy gets a vote too."

"I'm not my sister, Shinji." Hitching her hips again, she felt evidence that he found her attractive, "I'm not going to sit back for a month and let you dither about, if I see that you're wanting me like you want her."

"I-it's a big step, one I don't want to rush into," Shinji's neck tightened as he felt the natural physical response to her actions. "If…if she dies-"

"She won't," Kodama stated firmly.

"If she _does_ ," he countered, not willing to accept that life would give him anything but grief, "and we…decide to join up together, in the future…." The anger had been replaced by sorrow as he looked up at her, imagining what it would feel like to know that nothing you did would ever compare to the person most loved by the person you loved most, "I promise you, you won't be 'second place to a corpse'."

"I was angry when I said that," Kodama winced. "It was unfair to her, it was unfair to you."

"Do you…do you know 'when' that was?" He hoped that it wasn't this timeline, "When we spoke of where I came from, Hikari mentioned that you were confusing the timelines. I don't know well enough how your…well, you call it a curse…."

"Neither do I," she answered honestly, toying with his hands. "I know that when I see things, it's as if they're really happening. When I dream them, it's much, much different than 'normal' dreams. Even the special ones don't always come true. My fears, my anxieties, they can masquerade as premonitions. I saw…a shrine, her picture was distorted but I knew it was her. I felt you in my arms," she squirmed a bit, "I felt you inside of me, but always half there. As if you were incomplete. Nozomi wasn't around…neither was Daddy. But we lived here," she gestured around her head, "in my room."

"Not much space for two people in your room, far too much for just two people in the house," Shinji mused. "But I guess that doesn't mean much, in a dream."

"You're about to fight a huge fish," she blurted out. "In a giant of fire. The flame will beat you about the head and shoulders, screaming at you for daring to help while it does nothing but fail." Her hands clamped about his, pulling him up against her, "You won, and lost. You set in motion your own destruction…the one who convinced you to return brought the seed of your demise."

Shinji, now sitting upright, felt her legs wrap around his hips. Without his changes, he doubted his ability to sit like he was without supporting his weight, "K-Kodama, stop." _She's remembering the first time,_ "I know how to win, now. I've done it before, I can do it again."

Shifting his hands behind her, she reached up and caressed his face, "Don't trust the smoky man, Shinji." Pressing her lips to his, she seemed to draw solidity from the affection, "I don't know who he is, just that his smile was a mask that hid the lies. He has something terrible. Something that can't ever reach its destination."

 _Smoky man?_ Shinji nodded, "I don't know who you mean, Kodama, but I'll be wary. I promise."

"Please," resting her head on his shoulder, she curled tighter around him, "come back to us. You can't be replaced. Ever."

"I'll try my best," carefully wrapping his arms around her, he hugged her close. "I accepted responsibility for the three of you, I won't give up without a fight."

"I'm sorry I'm the way I am, Shinji," breathing in deeply, she tried to still her anxiety. "Hikari has always been the calm one, like Daddy. I take after my mother far too much." Her kiss to his neck was feather-light, "I see what I want, or what needs to happen, and I don't let anything stop me. I'm quick to anger, and I hold a grudge like nobody's business."

"You're also fiercely protective of people." Shinji smoothed his hand along her back, "I'm here, where people care about me, because of you. I wouldn't be alive, without you. I owe you my life, Kodama"

Sitting back, her lip curled up wryly, "I'm _also_ , also, incredibly horny." Her eyes smoldered, despite the obvious signs of her recent crying, "That's something I didn't know about myself until I met you, _sir_."

Shinji blushed slightly, "Y-yes…well…."

"She'll make it, Shinji." Suppressing her desires, she set about readying him to leave, "You and her will have your chance. Just…." Her hands flexed slightly, "Come home. Let me show you that you can love me too."

"I do love you, Kodama," he stated softly. "But I don't know what that means, yet. Even if…this can't happen, just please know that you mean a great deal to me." He offered her the same smile he gave Ritsuko the second time he met her, "You have a place in my life…I just don't know where that is yet."

"By your side," Kodama declared sternly. She frowned at him for a second, then relaxed her tone, "…Even if I'll never share your bed, I'll never leave your side."

Shinji wanted to tell her that it was no way to live her life, that she needed to find someone to love her, to live for her, but he knew the argument would fall on deaf ears. _In the end, I may need to just accept it to help her find happiness…no matter what I think._


	40. Chapter 40

+++++ 5th Angel + 9 : Sunday (38)

"I'm not terribly comfortable with this, sir," Idunn declared from her position on the tarmac. "He is my responsibility, and no matter what you want to describe the UN's Pacific Fleet as, it is _not_ friendly territory for a civilian."

"He's my responsibility too, Agent," Misato glared at the taller woman. "While I appreciate that you want the same thing I do, to keep him safe, I do not appreciate you intimating that I'm unable to protect him. I am _not_ some untrained novice."

"The decision has been made, Agent," the General spoke kindly. "Sending more than a few people is not an option at this time. The Admiral in command of the Fleet has already made his position excruciatingly clear, his people will provide security and in exchange Captain Katsuragi will be given authorization in the event of a catastrophic event to use Unit-02 as she deems necessary."

Idunn grimaced, "This is a formal complaint, sir."

"And has been registered as such," he assured her. "In the event that something goes wrong, I promise that you will be the first person I unleash to express our displeasure. For now, Captain Katsuragi has the reins." Raising his eyebrow, he shifted his body to face Shinji as the young pilot approached with Raffle from the building, "Paladin, I am sorry that you will miss the arrival of my daughter-in-law. I had hoped for you to have the opportunity to speak with her, so that you could better focus on your own duties."

"It's no concern, sir," he bowed slightly in greeting. "There really isn't anything I could say to her, other than wishing her the best of luck."

"She will need no luck, I assure you." He nodded in greeting to the cocky blonde Captain at Shinji's side, who returned the gesture on her way to pick up the clipboard from the pre-flight crew. "When my son described her to me after they met, his words portrayed an artist not unlike Monet, or Rodin. Her skill is without peer, and I will impress upon her your pleas that she delivers your Light back to you whole and healthy."

"Thank you, sir," Noelle rubbed Shinji's back as she returned to the conversation, "a Paladin's nothin' without his Light. We'd all be less for her loss."

"Fair winds, Captain. Carry them safely," the elder officer nodded his farewell, leaving the unofficial send-off without any of the usual pomp a General Officer would typically require.

Idunn hesitated, her mouth curled in disapproval. "Noelle…."

"I've got his six, Idi," the blonde pilot rolled her eyes. "Between me and Tits McGee here, he'll not lack for babysitters."

Misato blinked, "That's a new one."

"Sorry, lady," Noelle gestured towards Misato's chest, "they're your most prominent feature. Now, let's get in the air. C'mon Pally, I'm going to show you how to do a pre-flight check. Have to make sure the wrench wenches did their job right." Taking his bag and handing it to Misato, she grinned, "You get to climb aboard all by your onesie, don't you feel special?"

"Thrilled," Misato deadpanned.

Idunn followed along, listening as Shinji was instructed on the small details to look for in order to feel confident in flying aboard a VTOL. Noelle, so far as the agent could tell, was very serious in her educational style. Asking him to repeat back things, or to speak up if he caught something that she'd already mentioned in a separate section of the aircraft. Once the tour was complete, she held Shinji back for a moment, "Shinji…I want you to know that I'm not happy about this."

"It's fine, Idunn-san," he gave her a smile that never touched his eyes. "Unlike the trip to the proving grounds with…her, the reason I'm not wanting to go is that I need to be here. But," he looked towards the east, where he'd be travelling, "I need to be there too." Sticking to the 'truth' that covered over so many omissions of the same, "I can't accept the benefits without paying on the responsibilities." Turning back to her, he nodded in understanding, "Please, just make sure that nothing happens to them while I'm gone. I'm trusting _you_ with _them_."

She reached over and squeezed his upper arm, "Not a scratch, Shinji. I promise you that. Please, remember what I've asked you to do. Keep your situational awareness."

"Oi," Noelle popped her head back out of the hatch, "stop makin' the kissy faces with my co-pilot, I'm burning daylight here!"

"Noelle," Idunn growled, "you had best bring him back in one piece, or I'm starting with you."

"Eh," she shrugged in response, "if he dies, I'll likely be dead too. C'mon Paladin, let's gain altitude."

"I will see you when I return, Idunn-san," Shinji bowed by means of farewell. Climbing inside the VTOL, he closed the side hatch and looked to make sure that his bag had made it on board with Misato's and Raffle's, "Where do I sit?"

"In the co-pilot's seat, you goof," she gestured to the chair next to her. "I can't very well teach you to fly from the back, now can I?"

"It's ok, Shinji," Misato yawned. "I'm going to catch some sleep. You go learn something new. Help keep your mind busy."

"Gaaa, I knew I liked you, Tits." Raffle tugged on Shinji's shirt, "C'mon. Sit."

In the following thirty minutes Shinji learned exactly how complicated, and yet surprisingly simple, it was to learn how to be an airplane pilot. Noelle, despite saying it was horribly against regulations and would likely get her grounded, allowed him to take-off once he was able to repeat back to her the steps. Much like learning his mother tongue, the lessons were all about repetition. After they were far enough above the ground, she took control over and set them to flying forward. Demonstrating everything with a finesse that bespoke a natural talent, she happily ceded the stick back to him after she had them heading on their first bearing. "We'll need to fine tune, obviously, because the Fleet is a moving target. Once we're in their airspace, they'll talk us in."

Shinji nodded, keeping his hands steady and his eyes on the sky ahead of them, "This…is kind of fun."

"Careful now," Noelle laughed, "talk like that might end up with the two of us spending a lot more time together."

He blushed slightly at the intentional tease, "D-do you think I could learn? Maybe, one day, I could take Nozomi-chan up and show her the world from above?"

"The Wee Wish? Not your Light?" Checking a few readouts on her console, she nodded, "Trying to be a good big brother?"

"I'd eventually take them all," Shinji responded quickly. "But…Nozomi-chan's had so much taken from her recently."

"Aye," Noelle reached over and rubbed his shoulder, "a good big brother. Don't you fret, Paladin. You stick with us, and we'll get you your wings. Who knows, maybe you'll be just as good on the stick as you are in your own beast."

"I was wondering," he fought against the natural inclination to look towards the energetic blonde, keeping his eyes on the air before him, "why did Vidar stay back?"

"In case one of the Horaki girls needed summat," she said as if it were obvious. "No reason to take three pilots, including you, and while any of us would gladly jump to for them, Idi knows her brother best."

"I'll have to thank him," Shinji uttered. "I'm sorry that I haven't been able to spend more time with you, Noelle-san."

"Tsk, tsk," she tapped his knee chidingly, "we're in the air, Paladin. We're speaking over official communications. Always use callsigns."

"S-sorry." He winced as the sun crested the eastern skyline, "That's bright from up here."

"Knob on your forehead, rotate it a bit to starboard."

Following instructions, he flinched slightly as an inset polarized lens dropped down in front of his eyes, "Oh!"

Raffle's tone was amused, "Give it a second."

Suddenly a whole host of numbers, lines, and words faded into being. Nothing directly obscuring his view of the sky ahead, but all telling him everything he might need to know at a moment's notice. "It's…like the HUD on Unit-01." He considered it for a moment, "That's telling me our bearing, that's telling me our speed," he nodded, "I guess it _is_ just like piloting an Eva in some ways."

Noelle continued to teach Shinji, intentionally pushing the conversation away from Hikari, or anything that might prompt him to think of her. The long hours they spent in the air reminded her just how much she enjoyed spending time with the gentle pilot, strengthening her hope that he wouldn't continue to spiral downwards into the depression she knew he was hip-deep in. He was clearly concerned about the woman he loved, and just as certainly in need of a distraction so that he didn't wind himself up.

In the middle of a discussion about contrails and how the ice crystals can be both helpful and deadly depending on the circumstances, the radio came to life, "Unidentified aircraft, this is the UNN Frigate _In Amber Clad_ , you are entering restricted airspace, please state your intentions, over."

"Good morning, _In_ _Amber Clad_ , this is UNAAC Hammer Zero-Three," Noelle switched the controls back to her stick. "I'm carrying two NERV personnel with intended destination _Over the Rainbow_ , I was told we were expected, over."

The man's voice seemed irritated, "Maintain your speed and bearing, Hammer Zero-Three, while we verify, over."

"Roger, _Amber_. Maintaining profile, over."

Shinji held his tongue, not wanting to interrupt at an inopportune time. _I don't remember them not recognizing us, but I also don't remember overhearing the pilot do anything but hit on Misato._ Looking back into the passenger compartment, he smiled as he saw his guardian curled into a tight ball calmly sleeping. _At least I spared her that, this time._

The man came back over the radio after a moment, "Hammer, this is _In Amber Clad_ , looks like you're on the guest list. Alter your heading three degrees starboard, we're sending an escort up to guide you in. _In Amber Clad_ , out."

Flipping a switch, Raffle shook her head as she set their new course, "Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed."

"You said 'Hammer'," Shinji asked cautiously. "Aren't you 'Raffle'?"

"Yes," she glanced over with a smile, " _I_ am Raffle. She," the pilot patted the console, "is Hammer. When I'm flying, if I'm speaking to the tower I identify myself by one, if I'm speaking to my wing commander, by another, to my co-pilot, yet another. It's all part of pre-arranged communications methods so that nobody is confused." She nodded approvingly, "Your English is pretty good, though. You understood enough to know what I was saying."

"I understand way more than I speak," Shinji shrugged. "My accent is abominable, and my chances to practice haven't improved it."

"Maybe the new pilot can help." Spying the inbound aircraft, she gestured until Shinji spotted it, "Something for you to bond over, maybe?"

"I…doubt it," he hedged.

It was Raffle's turn to shrug, "Eh, we'll see. Go wake up Tits, she'll want a moment to reorient herself before we land."

Climbing carefully into the main compartment, Shinji picked his way over and gently shook Misato's shoulder. He avoided saying anything, as the interior was far too loud for anything short of shouting, and shouting at the sleeping Captain would likely end terribly. When her eyes opened, he held his thumb down and jabbed it towards the ground, receiving a mouthed 'thank you', and a smile. Nodding, he moved back to where he was asked to sit, and watched the master at work.

Everything happened in bursts, a lot of rapid adjustments, sudden changes in elevation, quick bits of communicated instructions from the carrier they were destined to land on. Through it all, Noelle kept a calm smile on her face, as if she had nothing more pressing than a nice drink and a slow rocking chair. As soon as they alighted on the carrier, she flipped off the engines and took off her helmet, "Let's see the Air Boss bitch about _that_ bit of work."

A knock on the hatch quickly followed, the portal opening and admitting the sounds of the ocean alongside the general hum of activity, "Permission to board, Captain?"

Raffle climbed into the back, rolling her hand towards herself, "Come on in, JG. What's the skinny?"

"You know, I'm used to some bad Japanese," the young woman grinned, "but you have got to have the worst accent I've ever heard." Smiling politely, she looked between the three travelers, "Now, I'm guessing here: Captain Katsuragi," she pointed to Misato, "Captain Minders," to Raffle, "Lead Pilot Ikari," and finally to Shinji.

"Nailed it in one, Lieutenant Junior Grade…Ross?" Misato nodded politely.

"Maria Ross, ma'am. I'll be responsible for you during your stay onboard the Rainbow. I wanted to take a moment to share a few quick guidelines before we got out and about." She held her hands out apologetically, "No photography, at any time. I know you're probably used to that but we're very careful here. In case of an emergency, please make sure to follow the instructions of the nearest security personnel. We have a strong contingent of Marines on board, and I'll be assigning a couple of them to you as per General Benoit's request." She smiled at Shinji, "I am going to be shadowing you, however, as your personal liaison."

"Please take good care of me," Shinji bowed, mouthing the formulaic polite greeting.

"…You know, I missed that." The Lieutenant Junior Grade giggled, "Thank you for protecting us, Lead Pilot Ikari." She bowed in return, "It will be an honor to spend a few days with someone speaking my mother's language." Standing back upright, she finished the briefing, "Your cell phones won't work, as due to the nature of our mission we have jammers active at all times. We've disabled the morale phones as well, so any calls to the mainland that you need to make, please ask me or the closest security personnel. We'll talk to the Nest and see what we can arrange." Clapping her hands firmly together, she resumed her friendly smile, "With that, welcome aboard the Over the Rainbow."

Shinji scowled, "No cell phone…."

"I know, I know," Maria smiled encouragingly, "teenagers feel like they'll die wit-"

"Stow that noise, Lieutenant Junior Grade." Raffle barked out the order before turning to face Shinji, "Don't you worry, Pally. I'm positive we can find a way to keep in touch with Captain Ibuki."

"I'll make a point of it when I speak to the Admiral," Misato gripped his shoulder. "Maya's resourceful, she'll know how to work around a situation like this." The violet-haired bombshell glanced at the curious and concerned Lieutenant Junior Grade, "His _fiancée_ is undergoing a serious procedure. He came with me under direct orders from our commander, and not having the ability to receive word regarding her status isn't going to work."

"Oh." Maria clasped her hands, looking down and to the right as her face spoke of rapid realignment of her priorities, "Ok. First thing we need to do is head to the bridge. The Admiral has asked that you stop there first, while we're there we'll talk to the Comms folks. They can work with the Nest to set up something, they're constantly in communications with various UN personnel." She ducked a quick bow, "I apologize, I was unaware and my comment was only intended in jest."

"It's fine," Shinji shook his head curtly, accepting that Misato was overstating his relationship for the greater good. "I'm not the center of the universe."

"Let's get a move on," Raffle urged everyone off the plane. "The longer we're not in contact with our people, the less happy I'm going to be." Jabbing Shinji with her elbow, she raised her eyebrow as she passed, "You're not the only one worried about your Light, Paladin. We'll fight where we have to, as we have to."

Ducking through the door, Shinji turned to offer Misato a hand down, "I know. And thank you, both of you."

Misato's million-megawatt smile warmed him, the changes the brilliant beauty had made since his leaving her apartment almost making him miss living with her, "We're a team, we take care of our own." Squeezing his hand gently, she accepted his offer of support.

"Right this way," Maria gestured past a couple of well-armed Marines. "The Privates will be with you until eight bells, when the next crew is on." Taking the lead, she kept Shinji on her right, "I'm going to be with you the entire time. If I'm ever not with you, I'll tell you why, and appoint someone to take care of you while I'm doing what I have to."

Shinji looked around, waiting for the inevitable distraction that Asuka's arrival would create, "Are you sure, ma'am? I would think you'd have duties that were more important than watching me stare at the ocean."

"You'd be wrong," she chuckled. "I was directed by the Admiral himself to stick to you. Doesn't matter why, it just matters that he said to do it. You know as well as I do, it's how the military works."

"Could be a worse job," Raffle snorted. "Could be stuck in the scullery cleaning the pots. Or in the purification plant," a disgusted shudder was accompanied by a retching sound.

Maria looked briefly over to the blonde, "You've been on a ship before?"

"So," a voice that Shinji would never forget called out, "he didn't show up after all." Looking up, he saw her. Standing atop a structure jutting out from the main deck, Asuka Langley Soryu once more was wearing her favorite yellow sundress, her auburn hair streaming like a pennon in the wind. "Frau Katsuragi, I was told that you were being accompanied by the Third."

Turning his back to his fellow Child, he removed any potential for a repeat of the last time they met. Keeping his voice low, he looked to Noelle, "Please tell me when she's down here, where her dress isn't going to flare out and expose things I shouldn't see."

"I hate to say it," Misato rumbled, "but we need to do something stupid." Tipping her head towards the bridge, she gestured for the Lieutenant Junior Grade to take the lead again, "Ignore her. She's still a massive drama queen, and I'm not going to make the Admiral wait and risk him declining to assist us with keeping in touch with home." Taking Shinji's arm, she turned him so that he was able to walk without looking up towards the rapidly angering Second Child.

"Hey!" The squeal of skin against metal preceded her rapid slide down the ladder, "I'm talking to you, Misato!"

"Not right now, Asuka-chan," Misato called back over her shoulder sweetly. "I have to speak to the Admiral. We'll catch up with you later." Turning forward again, she pushed everyone faster, "Stop dawdling."

"Not exactly how I'd hoped this would go," Shinji sighed. "I came here to try and make a better impressi-" He cut himself off as he realized he'd used the wrong tense. Fortunately, the mix of angry German and English that chased them as Asuka realized that her planned attack had been thwarted covered for him.

Misato patted his arm, "I'd hoped she wouldn't be the same girl I met a decade ago," his guardian sighed. "Seems like disappointment is the meal of the day."

"That's every meal at sea, ma'am," one of the privates joked easily. "The galley hasn't managed to make it half a day without filling the sickbay."

Pausing as a hatch was pulled open by Lieutenant Junior Grade Ross, Shinji looked over to the private, "Maybe I could help? I don't mind cooking."

"Tall, handsome, and a good cook?" The second private sighed, "I knew I should have taken the assignment to Yokosuka."

"Wouldn't have helped," Noelle stated coldly from within the partition. "Paladin's one-of-a-kind, and he's taken."

"Curse my luck," the private rolled her eyes. "She's probably pretty, isn't she?"

Shinji had to duck slightly to enter the hatch. "She's the most beautiful woman I've ever met," he admitted quietly.

"I'll pray she makes it through that surgery safe, dude," the first private stated earnestly. "Every little bit, you know?"

"Thank you," Shinji bowed politely. "Your grasp of Japanese is impressive." Turning to walk up the ladder to the top deck, he kept his eyes on his footing.

The young enlisted man grinned, pleased with the compliment, "Four years of High School well spent. Not common where I'm from, which is why I took it."

The second private snorted, "Nothing in Occupied North Texas is normal, Dix."

His response switched to English, seemingly in an effort to avoid offending the guests, "Eat me, Patterson. We won the damn trophy this year."

Shinji followed the transition, attempting to be polite, "Which trophy?"

"The Red River Rivalry," Noelle responded, cutting off the conversation. Turning her gaze on the officer escorting them onwards, she raised her eyebrow, "Lieutenant Junior Grade?"

"My apologies, ma'am." The junior officer turned and stared at both privates, "While you are on guard duty, your mouths are shut, your eyes and ears are open. The next time I hear anything remotely offensive from either of you, I'll have you scrubbing the anchor chains naked, am I clear?"

"Yes, ma'am!" The response was unified, and emphatic.

"C'mon, Paladin," Raffle switched back to Japanese, "stop dragging your feet."

"S-sorry," Shinji hurried up the steps, uncertain what had just happened. Once he cleared the top, he spied Misato calmly waiting at the hatch leading to the bridge proper. On either side of the aperture, another armed Marine stood. Each seeming unperturbed by the presence of the party, though simultaneously ready to eject them forcibly if ordered.

Taking Shinji slightly aside as the party entered the bridge, Raffle kept her voice lowered, "It's inappropriate for them to be that loose while on duty. Their job is to protect you, and keep their eyes open. I understand that they're personable, and if they want to spend what little free time they have talking to you that's fine, but I need you to act like an officer while we're here, ok?"

Shinji frowned, "But…I don't know how to do that."

Ushering him back towards Misato, she patted the small of his back, "We'll work on it."

"Hmph," the Admiral in charge of the Fleet accepted Misato's greeting with barely concealed contempt, "another child to watch after." Glancing over the paper she'd offered, he handed it off to the man at his side and addressed Maria directly, "Where is he? Did you already manage to lose your plebe, Lieutenant Junior Grade Ross?"

Hesitating in publicly correcting a man she knew to be in an exceedingly foul mood, the junior officer used a different approach, "Admiral Drake, may I introduce Shinji Ikari, pilot of the Evangelion Unit-01." Gesturing professionally to Shinji, she smiled, "Lead Pilot Ikari, the Commander of the UN Pacific Fleet, Admiral Samuel H. Drake."

"It pleasure to meet you, sir." Shinji bowed deeply, desperately wanting to make a positive impression on the man to secure a means of communication, "I apologize if Pilot Soryu not act appropriate during time in your care. I will try to impress her a need to act more in line with trust she been given during remainder of mission." Standing back up, he hoped that what he'd said had been understandable.

The stocky man's moustache seemed to twitch slightly, "I see." The switch to Japanese seemed intentional, "I am glad that you, at least, understand that we are engaged in a military matter. Please, let us converse in your language."

Inwardly sighing in relief, Shinji offered the hopeful smile he'd spent the last month perfecting, "I am sorry if I butchered your own language, sir. It is not my strongest subject. My…uhm, fiancée, would be far more adept at conversing with you were she here."

The Admiral barked a knowing laugh, "Isn't that always the way of it, son? We men of action find women who could talk the sun from the sky, and they make sure we know each of our failings in categorical order." Turning to nod to the naval Captain on his left, he reached for the clipboard the lean man held, "I'll sign this on the understanding, Army Captain Katsuragi, that if that oversized toy is activated," he pointed with his pen towards Shinji, "that man will be involved. Someone with more maturity than that brat, or I'll never allow it to so much as twitch a finger." Flicking out his signature, he dropped the board on the console before him.

"I wouldn't have it any other way, sir," Misato's professionalism hid her irritation well, she was authorized to take over the entirety of the Fleet if an Angel appeared and the man knew it. "Lead Pilot Ikari came with me, despite a serious medical situation that had arisen just yesterday. He is our pride and joy."

Admiral Drake raised his eyebrow, "Nothing permanent, I hope?"

Looking around, making it clear that she didn't want the matter to spread, Misato leaned in and whispered for a few moments. Knowingly allowing her assets to be displayed, she wasn't above using any means possible to try and entice the Admiral into helping. Finishing, she stood back up slowly, "As you can see, despite his own concerns Lead Pilot Ikari is here and determined to do what is best for everyone."

"Indeed," the grizzled officer once more changed his assessment of Shinji. "Captain Perry, I'm authorizing Lieutenant Junior Grade Ross to carry a satellite radio, kindly order Radar to set aside a band for burst communications between her and NERV's office in Tokyo-3." He nodded to the woman in question, "You'll screen what's being discussed, JG. While I won't allow a security risk, I believe that we can show some solidarity with our good friend Mister Ikari during a trying time."

Shinji bowed again, "Thank you, sir."

"No thanks necessary, son. I'll consider it a down-payment on your efforts to corral that hellion I've ferried this far, and I personally hope that things work out favorably for your intended. Lieutenant Junior Grade, you're dismissed." Turning away, the man made it clear that he had other tasks to be about, and that the meeting was at an end.

"If you'll follow me?" Maria stepped towards the door, "We'll swing down by the Nest, pick up the radio, and then we'll continue the tour."

The group was down the ladderwell and walking through the hatch to the main deck when Shinji winced at a shrill declaration from the woman he'd once shared Misato's apartment with. "See?! I told you he didn't show up, Kaji-san." Asuka stood with the man, gesturing grandly, "She brought her _boyfriend_ , not the Third."

"Asuka," Kaji's voice carried a long-suffering note, "I do have eyes."

"Mister Kaji," Lieutenant Junior Grade Ross growled, "I believe we have discussed this repeatedly. Am I going to have to involve the Master-at-Arms?"

"No, no," he smiled smoothly, "you asked that I stop her from entering the bridge. You'll note that not once did she come within ten meters of the door."

The junior officer was distinctly unimpressed, "She was standing atop the bridge, which should have been rather obviously included in the discussion."

"I don't think you'll find him capable of understanding nuance or subtext," Misato glared at the dapper rogue. "I've found that most men don't change mentally, just physically." Stepping between Shinji and Kaji, she crossed her arms under her chest, "What are you doing here, Ryoji?"

Kaji grimaced at the use of his given name, covering it over with a bow and an attempt at taking her hand for a more Western-style kiss to her knuckles, which fell flat and was swatted away. "Well," he recovered as best he could, "I was under orders to serve as a special attaché to Gendo Ikari before something changed recently. We've been out of communication with your branch, so I'm a little out of the loop." Looking askance at Shinji, his lips drew down slightly, "I thought I knew all of the staff officers for Tokyo-3." Extending his hand, mistaking Shinji for a Westerner, he greeted the young pilot politely, "Pleased to meet you, sir. My name is Ryoji Kaji, and you might be?"

Taking the suave agent's hand Shinji wished, yet again, that he didn't have to deal with so many twelve-car pileups, "Shinji Ikari. Nice to meet you, Kaji-san."

Kaji blinked, "Shin…."

Asuka's jaw fell open, the young woman not quite ready to face the fact that the 'Third Child' looked more like the 'Third Adult'. It was a position that Shinji couldn't honestly state he'd ever seen the normally tightly controlled redhead in before, and it was only with a supreme effort of will that he didn't react more to the sight.

Misato's sharp laugh was followed by her pushing Shinji onwards, "Why don't you and JG Ross go get that radio, Shinji? I'll bring these two up to speed on what they need to know, and we'll try making a first impression again later. Say, in the mess hall?"

Maria smirked, pleased to see someone else that was tired of the man's nonsense, "Dix, Patterson, you're on Captain Katsuragi. Captain Minders, did you want to travel along?"

Taking Shinji's arm at the elbow, Noelle grinned a Cheshire smile to the sailor, "My place is on Paladin's wing, Lieutenant Junior Grade. We're in unfriendly skies, we don't split up."

"I look forward to meeting you, Soryu-san," Shinji nodded by way of farewell. "I'm sorry that things have been so rushed."

Raffle pulled him sharply forward, Maria Ross stepping off lively to direct them where they needed to go. The blonde captain waited a few steps before muttering low, "I take back what I said in the air, Paladin. I do _not_ like that…girl. I don't think you should spend time practicing your English with her."

Their escort snorted in agreement, "She's been an irritant, though it shames me to say that I haven't really been pleasant to her myself." Walking looser now that they were away from the two newest additions to NERV Tokyo-3, she smiled apologetically up to Shinji, "I'm very sorry about earlier, sir. I chose those two because they were familiar with Japanese, hoping that they'd make you feel more at home."

"I, uhm…I probably didn't hear them properly," Shinji lied poorly. "I'm sure you saw that my English isn't the best."

"What he's saying is, 'please don't yell at them on my account'," Noelle amended the statement. "He understood them just fine, he's just not one for making waves."

Maria nodded, "If I may…what's your rank, Lead Pilot Ikari? I admit, my first thought when I heard you were seventeen was that you were similar to all the other kids I've seen your age. With the way you handled meeting the Admiral, I'd say you've been given some rather impressive training, which only makes sense considering they're trusting you with something like the monster over on the _Othello_. Surely they've given you something suitable, and I don't want to keep referring to you by your duty rating, since you're not Navy."

"He's a civvie, Lieutenant Junior Grade," Noelle answered quickly. "We don't discuss his past."

"Oh," she started slightly, "yes. I guess it would be classified, wouldn't it? I'm sorry."

"It's ok, ma'am," Shinji shook his head slightly. "Raffle, what was it you were saying earlier? 'Unfriendly skies'?"

"We're not Navy, Paladin." Noelle waved around, "That's all these people are, is Navy. You're Army Aviation, if anything, and that makes these skies unfriendly."

"Service rivalries?" Maria blinked, bemused, "I'm sorry, ma'am, but I received my commission well after the unification of the UN Armed Forces. The previous service rivalries are lost on me, after the UNN put out the new regulations squashing them."

"A Lieutenant Junior Grade like you, sure," Raffle shrugged. "But we're going to be meeting the pilots eventually, the Air Boss will tell them we've arrived. I want him on his guard, and I _don't_ want them thinking he's some nugget. He's earned his handle, three times over, and they'll look at how he acts to determine how they want to try and haze him."

The naval officer nodded, "Paladin?"

Shinji's reaction was natural, now that he'd been called by the odd name for some time, "Hmm?"

"No, no," Maria waved her hands, "I mean, that's your callsign, right?"

"Oh, yes," Shinji nodded. "It was Raffle that gave it to me."

"My first time being able to pick one, and I think I nailed it, personally." Slowing as they reached the ladder well, she waited for their guide to open the hatch.

"If it won't get you in trouble, ma'am," Shinji offered an olive branch, "I wouldn't mind at all if you just used my name. I'm not anyone special, and there's no need to be formal on my account."

"One-of-a-kind?" Ross looked to Minders, "I think that's underselling the point, ma'am."

"Isn't it though?" Noelle grinned happily, "You should meet his fiancée, only woman on Earth I'd trust him with."

+++++ 5th Angel + 9 : Sunday (38)

A short while later, the trio made their way towards where Misato had been last spotted. Maya had been briefed about how to contact them if there was anything to report, and had reassured Shinji that Hikari was both comfortable and still alive. The young woman had been brought back to wakefulness to meet the neurosurgeon who was, while very tired, extremely compassionate and spoke with Hikari in the doctor's native French after learning that the Class Rep was fluent. The surgery was planned for once the doctor had a chance to acclimate to the local procedures, and she was confident that everything would go well.

Reaching the mess hall, Shinji braced himself for dealing with an angered Asuka. On the list of things to never do, near the top was 'prove her wrong about anything'. She barely tolerated criticism from someone who was _legally_ her superior, anything that smacked of criticism from someone she viewed as an inferior was a guaranteed way to generate a noise complaint from the surrounding three blocks. He waited politely for Raffle and Ross to walk through the door before taking a bracing breath and stepping through himself.

"So," Asuka hopped up, a clear concern in her eyes, "is there any word? Frau Katsuragi told us that the doctor should have arrived by now."

It was Shinji's turn to be surprised, though he recovered much faster than Asuka had above decks, "Y-yes. Doctor Charcot-Benoit arrived safely, and has spoken with Hikari-san." He shifted his eyes over to Misato, who shared the look of concern that Asuka was radiating, "Maya-san says that Pen-Pen is fine." Something tickled his mind, a connection being sought out that he couldn't quite place.

Misato waved off the comment about her roommate, she'd entrusted Rei to the task of caring for the enigmatic bird, "So they're waiting a bit on the surgery?"

"The doctor wanted to acclimatize and get over the effects of the sudden cross-continent trip," Raffle tugged Shinji towards the table, liberating his phone from his pocket in the act. "I can get behind that. I wouldn't want someone with jet lag digging around in my head."

"That's probably best," Asuka nodded curtly. "So, Shinji Ikari, was it?" Extending her hand across the table, deliberately showing a view of her cleavage, she kept her eyes locked on his as he took the offered greeting, "Pleased to meet you, my name is Asuka Langley Soryu. I want to apologize for earlier, I had expected someone…different."

"I understand, Soryu-san," Shinji ducked his head quickly, but kept his eyes well above her nose, "I am pleased to meet you as well. I hope that we can work together well." The sense of connection grew stronger, like a piece of his mind had been asleep and was waking up to the world around it.

"Oh, just Asuka, Shinji." She seemed impressed that he'd passed her little test, "I grew up in Germany, we don't do that silly formality thing. So, your fiancée is in good hands, yes?"

"Sh-she is," he struggled with continuing the lie of being engaged to marry. "The doctor is the daughter-in-law of General Benoit, who ha-"

Kaji interrupted Shinji brusquely, "General Benoit? General Philip Benoit V?"

Asuka looked over to Kaji, rolling her eyes, "And I'm the one who's rude?"

Misato looked wearily at the spy, "Someone you know, Ryoji?"

"He's the commander of the UNIGC," Lieutenant Junior Grade Ross added brightly. "From the reports I've heard, he's on track to be the commander of the UN Armed Forces once General Kim retires next year. I did my biographical report on him in the academy."

"He's currently operating out of Tokyo-3," Misato stated obliquely. "There have been some investigations begun, and he wanted to be on-station during them."

" _Anyway_ ," Asuka turned back to Shinji, "you were saying, Shinji?"

He felt torn, as if he were in two places at once and hearing the same words with an echo. "Oh…uhm, General Benoit has taken very good care of us since…he came to Tokyo-3. When he heard that Hikari-san needed help, he called his daughter-in-law immediately and asked that she come out and perform the surgery herself. His son introduced her to him as an artist in the field, along the line of Rodin-san or Monet-san."

"That's good," she smiled brightly, another act that Shinji hadn't seen directed at him previously, "we pilots shouldn't be shunted off to cut-rate doctors. Nothing but the best, I say." Rolling her hands, she rounded the table, "Show me a picture, I want to see who caught the eye of the only male Evangelion pilot."

Shinji frowned slightly, realizing that he didn't have any such pictures on his person.

"Here," Raffle poked him in the arm with his phone, "I had to borrow this to get a number." On the screen was a picture of Shinji and Hikari, taken during the celebration after Shinji had just won the race against Glitch and was holding a beaming Hikari, with Noelle latched onto his back at the shoulders laughing.

Boggling at how the picture had managed to get onto his phone, he bowed quickly in gratitude, "O-oh, thank you, Raffle. Here, Asuka-s…Asuka, this is Hikari-san."

The redhead analyzed the young woman's profile, "Hmm, definitely Japanese. She seems…very Japanese," looking back up to Shinji, she tilted her head, "I'd figured you for someone less traditional. What with the hair and the two-tone eyes." Waving vaguely along his torso, she shrugged, "But, if she's who you find attractive, she's who you find attractive. You'll have to introduce us, I'll need someone to go shopping with." She saw his face fall, and shook her head, gripping his arm, "She'll," feeling him startle slightly, she blinked, "…jumpy much?"

"It's been a rough month, Asuka," Misato stated in a warning tone. "He's holding it together but just keep that in mind."

"No, no," she waved off the criticism, "I get it." Firming her grip, she ducked slightly to get his eyes, "You were pulled into this fight with no warning, and sent out alone. Frau Marlowe says that the human mind wasn't meant to operate in isolation, and I used to be just as on-edge with nobody to talk to about all of the pressure to excel I was putting on myself. Don't worry, you're not alone anymore. We'll go out there and show those verdammte Engel who they're messing with." Her smile became all confidence, "What I was going to say is, she'll make it. The woman Frau Katsuragi described doesn't seem like someone to quit, and something had to draw you to her. Trust in her strength, Shinji. You're already a better man than my father ever was," she flicked her eyes heavenward. "If he were in your place, he'd be hitting on anything with two legs and a decent haircut."

"I-I wouldn't do that," Shinji's focus waned slightly, a song beginning to fill his mind with images of darkness. An enclosure, close by.

"Of course not," Asuka nodded firmly. "You're not ein Perverser. You're an Eva pilot, and we're better than that."

Shuddering at the familiar sound of her voice using a form of the word he'd been called nearly daily, he reached up to rub at his temple. The mixture of the music, the odd sense of joining, and the juxtaposition of 'his' Asuka against this new…strangely friendly Asuka produced a sensory overload, "Th-thank you, Asuka-san."

"Hey, hey," shifting her grip to help support him she let compassion take over, "come here. Sit down." Looking over to Noelle as she positioned him at the table, she frowned, "When did he last eat? You seem to be close to him, is he taking care of himself?"

"More like everyone except himself," Raffle sighed.

"A giver, then." She tapped his nose, "Only child, raised by strangers, sent to the slaughterhouse. Sounds like Hikari picked a winner if you came out of that as a good man." Sitting down on the table where she could observe him, she set her feet on the bench by him, "You seem like a good guy, Shinji. I'm a pretty decent judge of character, and I think we'll get along famously."

"He's managed to secure the position of Lead Pilot despite the challenges thrown at him," Misato stated blandly.

"What? 'Lead' Pilot?" She looked at Shinji, then narrowed her eyes as she turned back to Misato, "I see what you're doing. You're trying to make me act all bitchy. It's not going to work, Frau Katsuragi. If he managed to take out three enemies by himself, he's earned the position. Whatever was going on with the First and Unit-00 meant that he was doing the work of two people. I'll earn my letters, and when he recognizes me as his peer I'll gun for his spot."

"Good on you," Raffle nodded. "Competition between wolves only makes the pack stronger."

Shinji felt the song crescendo, just as an alarm rang on Kaji's phone. "M-maybe I am hungry, I don't know anymore."

Kaji stood, looking down at his phone with a grim frown, "I need to go take care of some work. Asuka, don't be…you." The gruff spy left the room in a hurry, with twin glares from Misato and Asuka following him out.

Shinji caught the scent of cigarettes under the aftershave the man wore, his stomach rumbling slightly in irritation at the odd mix.

"You know," the redhead tapped Shinji's hip with her foot, "I used to be attracted to that wastrel. I think I see now why Frau Marlowe told me that I should wait and see what else is out there. If there's someone like you in the world, there has to be others. Nobody's singular, and that just means I can find someone that will focus on me and not on anything with breasts."

"You're better off without him, Asuka," Misato spat out. "He's all talk."

"He…smoke." _Don't trust the smoky man, Shinji_ , Kodama's voice filled his mind. "Was that him?"

"Oh yeah," Asuka made a disgusted face, "he's never without his pack of Big Boss cigarettes. It takes hours to get it out of my hair when we have to take a car somewhere. See?" She smiled happily, "We're agreeing on all sorts of things. We'll be fast friends before you know it."

"A-Asuka," he forced the song to quiet down enough for him to speak, "could you get me a slice of bread, or…or something? I haven't slept in a few days…."

"Right away," she smiled happily. "Just remember this when I end up sick, I expect you to baby me in return." Taking off, she walked through the dining facility as if she owned it.

Shinji turned, an agonizing motion, "Ross-san," he reached out, trying to grab the one of her that looked to be more solid, "can't…trust him." He felt his hand land securely on her forearm, "He's…something. Please, it's bad."

"Shinji?" Misato was over the table in a heartbeat, crouched down protectively near her ward, "Talk to me. What's going on?"

"C-can't…trusted me." He shook his head slowly, immediately regretting the act, "If I say…."

"I don't need sources," the Lieutenant Junior Grade stated. "You have intel that I should act on that could endanger the ship, give it to me."

"S-search…him. His room. He has something…something terrible." Shinji felt another massive wave of disorienting music crush over him, "L-like Ritsuko."

"O-ho no," Noelle snapped to at the sound of the name of the person she hated most, "Lieutenant Junior Grade you need to get authorization right damn now to do a health and welfare on his bunk. Whatever grand-high-muckity-muck is protecting him can go suck an egg, if Shinji's calling it out then you need to act on it or we'll all regret it."

Turning to the nearby privates, the naval officer spoke tersely to one of them sending them running. Turning back to the group, she sucked on the side of her mouth, "I'm putting my trust in you, Shinji-san. I only hope you're not fooling me."

"He doesn't play around," Misato felt his forehead. "He's only ever undersold things." Reaching back behind her, she grabbed a bottle of water, "Pretend." Unscrewing the top, she helped him appear to take some pills and then chase them with water.

"Here you are," Asuka returned with a plate of lightly warmed toast. "I put it on the stove for a bit, I've always found that toasted bread settles better." Looking around, she spied the wary glances being cast towards her new friend, "He'll be ok, right? I mean, I've gone a few days without sleep and it messed me up pretty bad but I recovered after I finally crashed."

"I'm fine," he repeated his new catchphrase. "I just…haven't really stopped moving for a while. I'm better when I'm up and about."

"Me too." She snapped her fingers, "Which gives me an idea! Let's go see Unit-02. I'll show you my baby, you can see what's inside him to compare the arrangements between the production model and your own, and you can tell me some stories about your fights with the Engel. It'll help you not get your days and nights turned around by crashing until later."

 _My mother was in Unit-01._ Shinji sat upright, taking the bread to force something into his mouth to stop himself from sharing that fact with Asuka, not knowing what was and wasn't classified, and whether or not she should know the possible truth of Unit-02 just yet. "Th-that might not be a bad idea." _When did the Sixth attack?_

"Frau Ross," Asuka stood, putting a wheedling tone in her voice, "could we pretty please get a ride to the _Othello_ so I could show my Lead Pilot what he'll be fighting alongside?" Batting her eyelashes, she clasped her hands together and put them under her chin, "It'll keep me off the bridge for a long time!"

"Shinji," Misato rubbed his back, "are you sure that's a good idea? We did just…start something."

"Pilot Soryu," Ross intoned, "I will provide transportation _if_ you go to your bunk and provide me with a written memorandum that you will stay off the bridge unless summoned for the rest of the trip." Her voice hardened, "Violating your word will end with you in the brig."

" _Fine_ ," she rolled her eyes. "I'll be back, Shinji." Flouncing off, she nearly bounced off a much larger human in the form of the lead Senior NCO of the ship's security contingent, "Aufpassen!" Darting through the door, the whirlwind that was Asuka moved off to get the request in writing.

The right hand of the ship's chief of law enforcement ignored the Second Child and took in the situation around him quickly, "You called, Ross?"

Switching to English, she kept her hand on Shinji's shoulder, "What kind of justification do you need to go through Ryoji Kaji's area?"

The big man seemed to consider the question, "While I'd like nothing more than to tear that man's bunk apart, considering the constant complaints of smoke, I'll need someone with Command-level approval."

"Command-level approval is something I can give you," Misato pulled out her badge. "I'm currently acting as the Sub-Commander for NERV in Tokyo-3."

The man took the offered badge, pursing his lips and thinking, "You are a commissioned officer of the UN. You are also in command of the base he's heading to, at least potentially." He nodded, "I've justified flimsier actions." Shrugging, he continued, "I was bored anyway. Time to figure out why the air outside his room smells like smoke." Tossing back the badge to Misato he turned to leave, barking orders to the two men that had travelled along with him.

"I'm going to go along," Misato hopped to her feet. "I don't trust him not to use his typical tricks, and I'm not going to feel right not doing everything I can this time." Kissing Shinji's forehead, she smiled, "I won't keep failing you."

Shinji slowly shook his head, the song growing pained, "Not…fail."

Noelle urged her to hurry, "Go, I've got his six."

Misato nodded, "Right." Turning, she hurried off after the security personnel, calling in English for them to hold up a second.

"You know," Maria sighed, "I'm not in the habit of just blindly trusting anyone. It's weird, but…I feel like I should trust you, Shinji-san."

"He's a good egg," Noelle stated in a low voice, gently working her hand in small circles on his back. "If there's nothing of note in Kaji-san's room I'll eat this table."

Asuka's bright call of, "I'm back," interrupted the conversation. "Here you go, Frau Ross. Written promise to stay off the bridge for the rest of the trip." Handing the piece of paper to the Lieutenant Junior Grade, she cast a challenging glare at the woman, "Good enough?"

Glancing down the form, she shrugged, "It'll buy you passage. You sure you want to go, Shinji-san?"

"Y-yes," standing, he closed his eyes long enough to stop the room from tilting, "I think i-it's great that Asuka wants to show her pride in her hard work." Opening his eyes once his balance had returned, he gave Asuka his smile full of hope, "I'm sure that she's spent a lot of time practicing while in Germany."

Shinji was surprised, yet again, when the woman he remembered as full of fire and vinegar, the lady that would have slapped his head clear off his shoulders if he'd even thought of touching her, grinned happily and took his right arm, "See? You're getting me already. C'mon, Shinji. Let me show you what German engineering is capable of."


	41. Chapter 41

+++++ 5th Angel + 9 : Sunday (38)

The journey aboard the RHIB towards the _Othello_ cleared Shinji's head some. The further he was from the _Over the Rainbow_ the less he felt that crawling echo, and the more he began to realize how smoothly he'd handled a confrontation he'd been dreading all month. Sitting across from him, Asuka had her eyes locked on the horizon where she knew Unit-02 was waiting, her hair streaming behind her in the wind.

 _She's…changed._ Checking the straps on the backpack he carried containing his plugsuit, he compared her actions against his memories, and couldn't once draw a comparison between the two women, _It's almost like she's found some sort of peace. Like she's not fighting against everything and everyone for the last scrap of bread in the store. I wonder what happened…three years, a lot can happen in that time._

As if she sensed he was watching her, she turned and tilted her head, "Something on your mind, Shinji?" Her smile was curious, still full of the fire that he remembered but somehow without the killing heat.

"F-Furau Marluowe," Shinji struggled to pronounce the words properly, "Is she your friend?"

"Psychologist," Asuka corrected firmly. "She'd hate to hear herself called my friend. She beat that out of me over the first ten sessions, she'll never be my friend. She's there to listen to the terrible things in my head, and to give me honest, brutal, solutions to address the problems they cause. Your friend," she gestured towards Noelle, "is there to watch your back. To make sure you make it home when people pull out knives. Your psychologist is there to tell you that you were an idiot for going somewhere they use knives."

Raffle frowned, "They let you talk to a shrink?"

"Of course they did," Asuka sounded appalled. "Wait," her eyes flicked to Shinji, " _they don't have you talking to a psychologist?_ "

Shinji shook his head, shrugging. "I think Maya-san wanted to get me in to one, but was told 'no'."

Some of the Asuka he remembered surfaced, "Who the Hell would say no?!"

"His father," Noelle snarled over the sound of the engines. "Damn it, Paladin, I'm going to bring this up to General Benoit when we get home. If they're letting Red here do it, there's no reason you can't."

Asuka nodded eagerly, "Absolutely do that. Shinji, I was a manic mess most of my life. It wasn't until about three years ago when I was completing my Master's that I finally snapped and…did some stuff I'm not proud of. I was ordered to undergo evaluation, and that's where I met Frau Marlowe." Her lips curled in a grin of reminiscence, "I called her Frau Doktor once, and I can still remember the upbraiding she gave me!"

The pilot of the craft cut off Shinji's reply, " _Othello_ , _Othello_ , this is Rubber Six-Four-Eight, on approach with precious cargo, over."

The reply was in heavily accented English, "We see you, Rubber Six-Four-Eight, you're clear to come aboard on the port side, lift two is clear. _Othello_ out."

"Russians," Noelle's face went flat.

Lieutenant Junior Grade Ross was quick to pick up on the undertone, "Is that a problem, ma'am?"

"It's fine," the blonde's response was curt. "Paladin, we'll be flying tight there. Keep your head on a swivel."

Asuka pointed to the ship, calling out happily, "There's my baby!"

Filing away the concern he had for Noelle's sudden change of mood, Shinji dutifully looked in the direction that Asuka had pointed. Sticking out from the heavy brown canvas covering it, Unit-02's head was plainly visible, "Red."

"With orange highlights," Asuka beamed. "I was a part of the design process, and they used my hair color to develop the paint they used." She looked back to him, "White…and a slight gradation in blue to match your eyes, that'd be an interesting combination for your Eva. What'd they choose?"

"Purple and green," Shinji shrugged. "It was that color when I arrived. I don't know why they chose what they did."

The conversation tapered off suddenly, Asuka too excited to be 'reunited' with her Eva to drive the conversation and Shinji's personality preventing him from picking up the social slack. After a few more minutes they came alongside the enormous former-Russian Heavy Aviation Cruiser, the pilot expertly positioning them in the wet lift.

"Everybody hold onto the ropes," Maria cautioned. "I don't want anyone falling off as we go up."

A short ride later, the inflatable boat was placed where they could step off onto the main deck. A sailor, chosen for his ability to communicate in English, provided a formal salute, "Welcome to come aboard, friends." He offered Asuka a hand stepping off, "You come to see your кукла again, yes?"

Asuka's English was tinged by her German upbringing, "I'm showing my fellow pilot, Misha. He flew all the way out here to greet me, the least I could do is show him my baby."

Misha offered Shinji the same help in climbing off the RHIB, "Ah, you are also one who drives the кукла?"

"I am pilot, yes." Shinji frowned, "A pilot." He nodded at the corrected sentence.

The sailor's eyes lit up, "You are Japan?" He smiled, "I don't use language often, am pleased to meet you!"

"Don't get too comfortable, Rosuke," Noelle jumped off the raft. "We're just here to see the hardware."

"My apologies, капитан," the man snapped to. "I did not see you there."

"Sure you didn't," Raffle growled. "C'mon, kids. Let's go see the giant mech." Grabbing Shinji's arm and pushing Asuka onward, she hustled them onwards.

"Hey, hey," Asuka rolled to the side, regaining her own momentum, "what gives?"

"Raffle?" Shinji, unlike his fellow pilot, had to allow the Captain to drag him or risk harming her by recovering his arm, "Is something wrong?"

"Fuckin' commie pricks," the blonde spat out. "Let's get this over with, I don't want to be here any longer than I have to."

Maria caught up quickly, "Ma'am, please don't move them too far from us." In her inexperience, she was torn between retaining military hierarchy and performing the task she'd been given. The two Marines she'd chosen to accompany them, both NCOs, moved with the surety provided by their long years of training. Flanking and overtaking the group, they swiftly blockaded forward progress while they analyzed the situation. Shinji helped pull the group to a halt, recognizing in the Marine's movements what he'd seen in the Agents back home.

Ultimately, it was those two NCOs that both salvaged what would later be termed 'a shitshow' and paid a heavy price for Raffle's impatient anger.

The sound of a gunshot coincided with a sudden swell in the sea, sending everyone shifting as the ship's stabilizer compensated too slowly. The noise covered the first part of Noelle's angry retort, a pained grunt cutting her off completely as both NCOs began to communicate loudly with each other and everyone around them to contain the situation. The next shot pinged off the deck, the ricochet spiraling harmlessly out to sea. Shinji couldn't understand the shouts of mixed Russian, Polish, Georgian, and English, only recognizing the last at all as a language. He knew that someone had fired a shot, and that he couldn't see where they were. His natural reaction was to spin and put himself between the threat and the women he'd travelled with. Noelle, of course moved at the same time to accomplish the same task, wanting to defend him more than anything or anyone else.

Both spied the same thing, at the same time. The source of the pained grunt was lying unmoving on the deck, a pool of blood rapidly forming around her head, the deep crimson matting the fiery auburn. Noelle, faster to determine a proper order of actions, grabbed Asuka and dragged her out of the open towards the same cover that the NCOs had taken.

Maria leapt at Shinji, crying out, "Get down!" Her efforts, while well-intentioned, were less than capable of moving the heavily altered Pilot of Unit-01.

The bridge tower provided enough cover that when the first NCO received a hit that dug deeply into his bullet-resistant vest, he was able to rotate and avoid the follow-on hail of bullets that took out his comrade's right leg and arm. Feeling as if he'd been kicked by a horse, he coughed out a 'recommendation' with the force of an order, "Lieutenant Junior Grade, get them back to the damn RHIB!"

Shinji's fists clenched, "No." Lying deathly still, the young woman that was so full of life, who had managed to overcome everything thrown at her was…. _No matter where I go, I…I…._ Throwing the woman who struggled to defend him to the questionable safety of the tower, after she had already reversed her course and was attempting to move the immovable, he strode forward. His mind shutting off any thoughts but finding and tearing limb-from-limb the person that dared to- _She's not dead. She can't be dead. Asuka can't die, she's fucking_ Asuka!

Noelle watched in horror as yet again someone she'd sworn to watch the back of walked where she couldn't. The sound of gunfire as the shooters found a new, large, target caused her to curse her weakness and inability to overpower the younger warrior. Her hope pulled out of a flat spin as the light around him seemed to flicker, orangish-white, as he continued onwards towards his enemies. Bullets dropping harmlessly to the ground as he stalked onward, their momentum stolen somehow, their lethal force deflected by…. "Light," she breathed. Turning her attention away from the man she now knew would be fine, she began first aid on the confusing ball of chaos that was Asuka. "I can't help him, but I can help you."

"Holy shit, Sanchez, are you seeing this?" The less-injured NCO was returning fire, avoiding firing towards the back of the man he thought was insane for just strolling out into a firefight.

"N-not so much, man," the second coughed, his wounds causing far too much bleeding to allow him to continue to operate effectively in countering the assault.

One of the shooters, dressed as any of the other sailors that worked aboard the ship, attempted to change tactics and rushed Shinji with a vicious-looking knife, screaming a battle cry and putting all of his weight behind the strike.

Shinji flowed through the defensive counter he'd been taught by Suzuka, crossing his wrists and pushing the knife harmlessly down and away. Then came the disarming blow Suzuki had shown him, shifting his grip and spinning the man's hands painfully in an awkward direction. Rotating the knife he now held so he wielded it properly, he finished the fight with the move Gen had included: a wrenching slash across the neck. The geyser of blood from the man's ruined throat splattered against the A.T. Field surrounding Shinji, sloughing to the ground as the animalistic rage machine lifted his eyes back up to the fight. His higher-order mind had shut completely off, there was nothing now but targets and those he had to protect.

Time slowed, and the driven berserker assessed the goals he could see. One behind the stairwell, another near a large shipping container that contained equipment for Unit-02, a third behind a tarp-covered something, and the last running from cover near a VTOL supposedly towards a new firing angle at Asuka. _You_. Choosing the man that most apparently threatened his comrades, he dashed forward. No longer bound by thought, by the human failings that caused him to move too slow at first and nearly die to a moving train, he stepped off with the speed he'd been cursed with.

Twenty-seven meters disappeared in just over two seconds, the momentum being transferred when the punch he threw landed with several hundred kilograms of force, ruining the wretched assailant's skull. Grabbing the fresh corpse's shirt, he spun and launched the man towards the next closest enemy to force them to displace. The third target, the man by the shipping container, fared no better than the first. Losing his arm as the A.T. Field-aided-knife Shinji had 'borrowed' cleaved through it without slowing in the slightest, the man shrieked briefly before a follow-on stab buried the blade hilt-deep in his skull, silencing him forever.

The fourth man, that Shinji had burdened with the corpse of his fallen comrade, died from a burst of weapons fire, the lone operational Marine taking advantage of everyone's attention being on Shinji to reposition and eliminate the threat. Before he could rotate and train his weapon on the fourth and final assailant, the man they were ostensibly there to protect had reached the terror-filled target.

Shinji's face was curled in a feral mask of rage, "You killed her." Ignoring the repeated blows about his head and shoulders, the frightened would-be assassin he held having forgone attempting to shoot in favor of a more physical assault, the young pilot held the man off the ground by the throat, "You _killed_ her! Why?!"

"Hey, hey hey!" The sole standing NCO ran over, shouting, "We need him, man! I need to question him! C'mon, please tell me you speak fucking English!" Waving his arms, trying to draw Shinji's attention towards something other than ripping off the sailor's head like a common wildflower, the man put his own life in danger to gain valuable intelligence.

Sanity returned a split-second before the sound of an immense explosion and the sight of a massive gout of seawater in the distance. The arrival of the Sixth Angel heralded with the loss of several hundred lives.

The human threat handled, Shinji's mind reasserted firm control over his actions, "Damn it." Throwing the semi-conscious attacker to the ground, he turned and faced the Marine, "I need in Eva! That is Angel!"

"Yeah, yeah, go man." The NCO waved him off, "I got this, go CQC Godzilla or whatever." Pulling out a plastic riot cuff to restrain the incapacitated aggressor, he shook his head in disbelief as Shinji ran back towards his fallen comrade, "Fucking hell am I not going to enjoy writing this report."

+++++ 6th Angel + 0 : Sunday (38)

Shinji dashed over to his discarded backpack, where Maria Ross was trying to save the life of one Marine as Raffle was working with the sailor identified as Misha on Asuka, "I…damn it." Ripping off his shirt, he began stripping down, "Please tell me she's alive, Raffle."

"I take her," Misha stood easily carrying Asuka. "Go to sickbay."

"Pally," Noelle grimaced, "tell _me_ that's not a damn Angel." Looking after the retreating form of the Russian sailor, she prioritized the warrior still in the fight over the one who was now out of it.

"I can't lie, Raffle," he stood nude, hopping into the plugsuit, "you know that."

"Bugger me sideways," she swore. "Ok, what do you need?"

"I need this boat to get over to the _Over the Rainbow_ ," he pressurized the suit, "and I need everything clear of that boat's surface."

"I'm not going to get into the number of incorrect terms you used," Maria stepped over, covered in blood. A pair of burly sailors had arrived to rush the wounded NCO off for medical attention. "The Admiral-"

"Get a move on, squid," Noelle pushed Maria towards the bridge. "Nothing you have in this fleet will even touch that thing."

"I don't care how it happens, Ross-san," Shinji ended the debate by sprinting over to the Eva, calling over his shoulder. "Either I get to that boat or everyone on it dies. You choose!"

Reaching the tarp-covered behemoth, Shinji began to chant, "Wechseln Sie die Sprachbefehlseingabe in Japanisch." Climbing up the canvas surface, he reached the neck, "Please be the same code. _Please_ be the same code." Typing out the code that worked for the Unit-02 on 'his' world onto the keypad, he thanked whatever luck he had left when the screws quickly released and began to eject the entry plug, "Thank you." Slipping in and closing the hatch, he set about starting up the Eva by memory alone and flooded the tube with LCL. "Everything's in German…whose stupid idea was this?" Feeling the tingle of the nerve connections initialize, he waited for the expected error to replicate across the HUD. "Ok, here goes. Wechseln Sie die Sprachbefehlseingabe in Japanisch." The system seemed to stutter, then the error replicated in Japanese, and finally abated, "Saved by my father…." Shaking off the thought, he set the automatic A-10 connections to begin.

Misato's voice came through the speaker the instant he felt the connection clank into place, "Asuka?"

Everything felt strange. As he swelled to immensity, filling Unit-02, there was a sense of sharing, as if he had a passenger inside of his head that wasn't there when he performed the same joining with Unit-01. "No," he responded tersely. "It's me, Misato." _Hello?_

"Shinji? …Never mind, Admiral Drake has ordered the _Othello_ to head towards us at flank speed. We're closing the gap, but we have to hope that the Angel doesn't cut us off." Without any visual clues, he had to assume she had her professional demeanor in place.

Rising from his prone position, he remained with one knee down to reduce the chances of falling off of the ship. Yet again he was a giant, a colossus, but there was no peace. There was no sense that everything would be 'just fine'. _Hello? Is anyone…here?_

A distinctly feminine voice bubbled to the surface, at once not unlike, but still dissimilar to the whispers in his mind, _Du bist nicht meine Tochter. Wer bist du?_ He felt an odd motherly warmth, as if the person cared greatly about him, but was simply curious as to who or what he was.

Another explosion off to the north drew his attention, "No…come on, can't this thing move faster?!"

Overheard on his connection to Misato, Naval Captain Perry called out the loss, "That was the _Cymbeline_ , sir."

Misato cut in to his fretting, "Shinji, once you're aboard we're going to connect you to the ship's reactor. It won't be the same power you're used to, so you'll need to keep an eye on your batteries."

"Order _The Tempest_ around," Admiral Drake's voice was calm and even, "I want her to begin hammering that thing with depth charges. Try and slow it down so that the Seawolves can try for a firing solution."

"That's not going to work," Shinji muttered.

 _Es tut mir leid, mein süßes Kind. Was wird nicht klappen?_

The response of the voice to what he was saying created a form of auditory static, and he closed his eyes to focus, _I'm sorry, ma'am. I don't speak German._ Thinking back through what he'd heard Asuka say, and piecing together what he could, he tried again, _Nacht sprech German?_

 _You…are Japanese._ The statement was spoken slowly, _I have not spoken my own tongue in so long that…who are you, my child? You are not my daughter._

Shinji saw the _Over the Rainbow_ crest the horizon, urging silently for the ship to move faster, _I'm sorry, ma'am. Asuka…was hurt, I took her place to kill the Angel. Please, I just need to use Unit-02 long enough to kill the Angel and then I'll do what I can to bring Asuka back to you._

The voice seemed to accept his statement as expected, _But what is your name, dear? I feel as if I should know you, and yet you act like a stranger to me._

He braced himself to move, _I'm Shinji Ikari, ma'am. You're Asuka's mother, right?_

 _Yui's son?!_ The voice became excited, _Oh my, that's wonderful! You came back to fight by my dear Asuka's side._

Another explosion close to the bow of the _Othello_ caused Shinji to swear, "Damn!"

Misato cried out, "No! Shinji, come in, are you still there?"

"That was the _Copperfin_ ," the Captain pronounced.

Swarming out of the sea, Gaghiel launched itself across the _Othello_ 's bow. Shinji braced himself and grabbed onto the bottom of the gigantic alien, forcing it to continue its motion instead of flopping onto the deck and swamping the entire ship.

During the brief physical connection, Shinji felt the Angel's voice, _Father? You…you are in two places?_

 _Don't listen to them, Shinji-kun._ Kyoko's tone became severe, _There is nothing they have to say that isn't filled with poison and lies. We must kill them all, or the world Asuka and you inhabit will be erased forever!_

As Shinji recovered from his motion, he noticed both the _Othello_ and ' _Rainbow_ changed course, swinging further from each other instead of continuing on their path towards interception. "What the," Shinji looked around for the bridge, "I need to get there!"

"They're changing course to avoid the debris field from the submarine, Shinji," Misato responded. "Focus on conserving energy, you won't do any good if you run out!"

Once more, Gaghiel made a lunging attempt at upending Unit-02, knocking more equipment and planes from the deck of the ship. Shinji was forced to roll onto his back, executing a tomoe nage against the odd horror from the depths.

The throw sent the aquatic Angel flopping onto its back, the song filled with a dark sadness, _Father, why do you fight against us? Are we not the chosen?_

The deck of the _Othello_ wasn't wide enough to allow Shinji to recover rapidly for fear of toppling off the side and into the water. Forced to roll sideways along the length of the deck, he tried to avoid crushing anything else. Regaining his footing, he attempted to come up with a way to tell where his opponent would surface next.

Another explosion forced the ships to swing wide once more. "We've lost contact with the _Nautilus_ ," Captain Perry reported. "Sir, nothing we're hitting this thing with even slows it down. If the Lead Pilot can't get in the fight, we may not have much of a fleet left."

Kyoko's voice changed, becoming darker, _Shinji, dear, you really need to act. Nothing but an Evangelion can counter the Angel. No one but you and my precious Asuka can pilot. You have to act!_

Two more gouts of water scoured the deck with ocean water. Shinji, and Unit-02, clenched their fists, _There are hundreds of people on these boats!_ The shoulder pylon split, dispensing the progressive knife, _No more._ "These are _my_ people, you miserable filth! You want me? _Come get me!_ " Letting out his anger, releasing the bonds that he typically clung to at all costs, he soon understood why he didn't feel the same detached sense of calm that Unit-01 brought.

Unit-02, through Kyoko Zeppelin Soryu, was not at peace. There was no serenity, no tranquility. There was rage. Caged like a wolf, the Crimson Evangelion didn't want to seek balance, it was not intended to defend humanity like Unit-01. There was the foe to be felled, and then the foe after that, and then the foe after that, on and on unto eternity if necessary. He wanted to fill the ocean with the blood of everything that would dare oppose mankind, starting with the overblown fish before him.

The sense of joining he'd felt aboard the _Over the Rainbow_ grew rapidly, filling his head with images of green-tinted rocky crags, jagged valleys, of a darkened sky that was bursting with brilliant points of light. Of an endless journey towards a nascent world that would suit his children. The song's hope ran directly counter to the wrath Unit-02 handled, a child's cry against the roar of an enraged adult.

Focusing on the water before him, Shinji reached out with the appropriate Song. He touched the echo of Gaghiel, and stalked backwards along the deck. Timing his running leap, he sprinted towards the curved ramp on the bow of the great vessel and leapt into the air just as the Sixth Angel attempted once more to capsize the _Othello_.

Misato shrieked in terror, " _What are you doing_?!" Her voice carried her shock and pain, her reserved command presence momentarily fled in the face of such bald self-destruction.

Colliding in mid-air, Unit-02 lanced the Angel of Fish's side with its knife. Great rending handfuls of flesh were torn away, it's A.T. Field blasted apart by Shinji's focused fury. Down into the ocean they went, Gaghiel thrashing about in a vain effort to dislodge its passenger. "No more! You and your kind will not kill any more of my people!"

Clawing his way through Gaghiel's side, Shinji carved through flesh, sinew, bone, and cartilage on his path towards the giant red orb that animated the Angel. Buried to his hips, he reached his goal, and began to stab at it madly. Flashes of the past, of the efforts he and Asuka had gone to in order to defeat the Angel, pulsed through him. There would be no more sacrifices, no more losses. He would end the threat here and now.

Down and down they descended, past the few remaining attack subs, past the dead and drowning sailors he'd wished desperately to save. Tossing aside the prog-knife he dug his fingers into the cracks he'd created, "You are nothing! _Nothing_!" Flexing his muscles, he felt the sphere begin to tear in half, "And so I will return you to the nothingness you came from!" The orb's final destruction brought a great imploding rush of water as the rigid integrity of the Angel was compromised. Crushed by the water surrounding it, Gaghiel crumpled into a misshapen mass of gore and bile.

Shinji squirmed free, kicking away from the disgusting viscera and looking around at his environs. Inky darkness surrounded him, what little light from the sun penetrated down reduced to a dim glow. Focusing his thoughts on that tiny bit of light, he frowned. Unit-02's battle madness had fled as quickly as it had arrived, and he found himself alone with his thoughts, and the odd passenger in his mind.

 _Could we return to the surface, now?_ Kyoko's voice was once more the same motherly pleasantness, _I would like to know how my darling child is doing._

He was floating. He knew that, because the remains of both the Sixth Angel and one of the submarines were sinking past him into the depths. _How am I floating? I'm…supposed to sink, aren't I?_ To the best of his recollection, the B-type equipment wouldn't work in the water.

Misato's voice came through, an indistinct, staticky, sound, "Shinji?"

 _If I'm floating…can I swim?_ The memory of his one lesson with Ritsuko filled him with mixed emotions, knowing now that he was right, that whatever it was that brought him back had also taken over the poor woman. She'd done him a great service, in teaching him how to float. How to swim. He wasn't great at the task, but…it wasn't like he could drown quickly. Kicking experimentally, he was surprised when he began to rise. Pushing down with his arms, as he'd been taught, he worked his way upwards.

 _You don't know how to swim? Oh you poor dear,_ Kyoko cooed at him. _I'm so sorry that I wasn't around to help you. I adore swimming. I taught my little Asuka how as soon as she was crawling. Always so happy in the pool, she loved it. I would have been happy to teach you. You were such a cute little child._

 _I'm trying my best, ma'am._ Shinji sighed, _I'm going to have to learn. Maybe I'll ask Hikari._

 _Hikari?_ The presence inside Unit-02 perked up, _Do you have a girlfriend, dear? Oh! How wonderful for you, is she nice?_

 _She's…sick._ The memory of his girlfriend's condition dulled his focus, which slowed his ascent.

 _Oh, that's terrible._ He could feel her empathy fill him, _Please do come visit me some time and tell me that she recovered. I'll be so worried. I can feel how much you worry for Asuka, and knowing that you'll be watching after her as well will make it so much easier to relax once I know your lady friend is better._

He saw the surface becoming brighter, _Couldn't Asuka tell you?_

 _We don't talk, dear. She's closed herself off from me, in order to protect herself._ Kyoko sighed, _It's all your father's fault, really. Not that I blame you, mind. You're an innocent, just like my baby girl. You're being asked to pay for our sins, which is terrible. Just terrible._

Captain Perry's voice came through the radio, "The _Titus Andronicus_ is reporting a sonar contact, sir." There was a brief pause, "Profile unknown. She's banging hard, and it's a very diffuse reading. We should see it…there!" A cheer went up, "He's made it!"

"Tell the _Othello_ to prioritize retrieving that man from out of the ocean," Admiral Drake's voice was tinged with relief. "Army Captain Katsuragi, while I would normally send you to speak in person to your people and see to their needs, I need you to stay aboard until we have that discussion."

"I understand, sir," Misato intoned professionally. "Permission to at least speak to him?"

The man's voice warmed, "The comm is yours, ma'am. Please pass along our gratitude and appreciation. We will expect him to join us in the Officer's Mess once he's been cleared by medical. He should have a chance to tell the remaining Captains his tale."

Shinji felt bad for eavesdropping, but wasn't certain how to cut down on the ability to hear what Misato heard. Deciding that he'd be better served by acting professional, he used the vocabulary the Damned had been teaching him, "Mother, this is Paladin. Enemy is KIA, I repeat, the enemy is KIA, over."

"Paladin," Misato's voice swelled with pride, "this is Mother. We copy all. The Fleet sends their best, you've done a fantastic job today. Please cooperate with the Captain of the _Othello_ and get back aboard your assigned vessel. The deck has been secured, all hostiles are either dead or in the brig. Over."

"That's…." The memory of his assault against the people who shot Asuka caused him to twitch, "I copy." He swallowed, despite knowing that the LCL would be all he tasted his mouth felt like it was filled with bile, "I see the _Othello_ approaching now. Over."

He could tell that she understood his sudden recalcitrance, "We'll talk more later, Paladin. For now, Raffle has your wing. Mother, out." There was a pause, in which he anticipated the radio had been turned off, "He's…never had to kill a human before, sir."

"Captain Perry, please ask the Chaplain to make himself available," Admiral Drake ordered. "He may fight like a man, but there is no man alive or dead who should ever be forced to endure the slaying of another without support. Paladin may not be a man of Christ, but the Chaplain knows his business. He won't preach, just listen." A moment of humanity beneath the cold military exterior shone through, "The Chaplain's Corps will be busy today."

"Thank you, sir," Misato responded graciously. "I'm sure Paladin will appreciate it."

Shinji focused on the _Othello_ , trying to tune out the conversation he was eavesdropping on. It was pleasant, after a fashion, to know that Misato was worried, but he had to help the ship help him.

"Hello, Paladin," a voice said in thickly accented English. "I am sorry we do not speak Japanese, but I doubt you speak Русский язык."

"Hello, sir," Shinji responded. "How I climb?"

"When I say, grab the edge of the deck." The man laughed, "We will swing hard to port, help you lift out of the water. Then, you climb like monkey, yes?"

"I understand," he smiled at the thought of a giant monkey climbing a ship.

The operation took less time than Shinji anticipated. Whatever was causing Unit-02 to float clearly wanted to continue assisting, and he wasn't going to look a gift horse in the mouth. As soon as he clambered up, trying to do as little structural damage to the great vessel as he could, he moved back to where he'd seen the giant tethered down initially and laid himself back in a prone position. _I'm sorry, ma'am, I have to go now._

A smile filled her voice, _I understand, dear. Please do return, I promise I am truly concerned about your young lady._

Relaxing his focus, he released the connection with Unit-02. The swell of dizziness and the sensation that his skin was far too tight soon followed, and it was a chore to punch in the command to release the entry plug. Moving with all of the grace of an epileptic goat, he made his way out of Unit-02 and into the overcast daylight.

"You," a sailor waved from below him, "good fight!" An enthusiastic thumbs up preceded a repetition of his statement, "Very good fight!"

"Th-thanks," Shinji continued to fight the dizziness as he moved cautiously down the ladder.

"Good fight," the sailor patted him on the back as he came within reach, ignoring the LCL coating. "Come. Doctor to speak you. Come."

Shinji nodded, wanting to find Asuka, to know if she'd…. _She's not dead. She can't be._

Another sailor, a lady this time, came trotting up with a thick blanket, "Here, you will freeze to death." Her English had a much lighter accent than many he'd heard, making understanding her easier. She cooperated with the other man to wrap it around his shoulders, "Drink." She pressed a flask into his hands, "Nurse's orders."

"I…shouldn't," he hesitated, trying to return it. Another attempt to kill him seemed too obvious.

"Сука, они просто пытались его убить." The first sailor rolled his eyes, "Он думает что это яд."

"It isn't poison," she sighed. "It's водка." She pressed the flask back harder. "It is a tradition, after killing an enemy of the fleet. You saved the lives of everyone aboard, even those bastards that tried to kill you. You are a hero, and deserve a hero's welcome." Hopping up on her toes, she pressed a kiss to his cheek, "Now drink."

Frowning, he sighed and put the flask to his lips, drinking deeply. _If they wanted to kill me, I'd already be fighting for my life._ The taste was not at all what he expected, and the anticipated burning sensation never manifested. Looking at the flask, he pursed his lips, then handed it back to the woman, "Thank you."

The first man clapped him on the back, "Ха! Он также пьет как боец!"

"Now come," the nurse urged him forward, sliding under the blanket to press herself against his side. "We need to get you somewhere warm, or you're going to end up in bed for a month with pneumonia or worse." Her comment changed how Shinji saw her actions, instead of a possible seduction or assassination she was simply trying to share what warmth she could while he stood there in the cold air with only the thin material of the plugsuit to shelter under.

The crew all stopped what they were doing as Shinji was escorted past, saluting sharply and holding their salute until he had passed. Not certain if he was supposed to return the gesture, he settled for inclining his head and shoulders in a mobile half-bow as he walked by. A gesture of respect for their gesture of respect seemed to fit best. The corridors were emptied quickly, people shoving others out of the way, a cadre of higher enlisted forming a phalanx ahead of his path and bellowing for others to make way in a host of languages. As soon as they reached their destination, the four senior NCOs all formed a cordon and saluted as he walked through to the sick bay and the pair that had greeted him made their farewells, assuming a position to guard the hatch.

"Paladin!" The impact of Raffle tackling him into a hug failed to shift him, though he was careful to stoop down and pick her up slightly to prevent harm to the woman he'd grown to appreciate. "Damn it all, man," she whispered into his chest, "when I saw you go overboard, I thought that was it."

The doctor stepped over, "Please let me see my patient. I understand you would like to welcome him home, but I have my duty." The older woman smiled warmly at Shinji, "Pleased to meet you, Paladin. My name is Dżesika Wiśniewski, and I believe I have you to thank for not going up to meet my husband just yet."

"I'm…done," he groaned. "Raffle, I can't do other languages anymore. My head feels like it's stuffed with wool, I'm terrified that Asuka's dead, everyone's saluting me like I'm some kind of conquering hero, I can't do it." Closing his eyes, he felt a soothing rub along his spine.

"She's fine, Shinji. The shot creased her head. She'll have a hell of a headache when she's allowed to wake up, but she'll live." Turning to the doctor, she switched back to English, "Doc, Paladin here has had a hell of a day. Would you mind if I did the speaking for him? His English is spotty at the best of times, and he doesn't want to offend you by sounding like a drunken toddler."

"Of course, of course," the doctor gestured towards a bed. "I feel the same way, sometimes. Most of the crew here speak Russian, and those few that speak Polish tend to stay out of the sick bay."

An orderly physical examination followed, checking for any signs of physical distress following the display of otherworldly prowess. Shinji found out that the reason everyone was saluting him was that the rumor spread swiftly that he'd earned the name 'Paladin' because he was favored and marked by the Judeo-Christian God. The light surrounding him, that protected him during the short battle, was holy. By extension, he himself was holy.

"W-wait," Shinji gaped, "you're telling me that…that they think I'm some sort of…what, kami?"

"Pally, _I_ think you're far more than human. None of us squishy mortals could have walked into a hail of gunfire and come away with nothing more than a sense of irritation and purpose." Raffle sat on a nearby bench, kicking her feet, "It doesn't mean you have to believe it, just understand that to these people you're the kind of angel that doesn't engage in frivolous mass-murder."

"That…but…." He collapsed inward, "I did, Noelle-san." His voice lost any strength, the reversion to actual names amplifying his distress. "I killed those men. They…they were going to shoot you. Shoot Asuka-san."

"Is something wrong?" The doctor looked quickly between the two, "Is he coming down?"

"He scored his first 'human' kills before tackling that oversized fish, Doc," Raffle admitted cautiously. "Can you give us a few moments?"

"Tak oczywiście!" Standing, she rubbed Shinji's shoulder, knowing that he could understand her well enough, "You did what you had to, Paladyn. Let no one look down on you for remembering that they were living beings, despite their failings in life." Stepping out of the small curtained area, she moved back towards her other patients, warning people to stay clear of Shinji for the time.

The blonde captain waited a few seconds, then leaned in, "Shinji," she patted a quick drumbeat on his knee, "hey. Look at me."

All of the confidence he'd shown, the actions befitting a true warrior, the mask he wore that projected an aura of competence and power, everything fell away and all that remained was a young man of barely fifteen years, "I killed them, Noelle-san."

"Yes, you did." She squeezed his thigh, "They deserved to die. What would have happened if you weren't there?" She tilted her head in the direction she knew Asuka to be, "What would have happened to Red? To me?" She smiled that electric grin that promised nothing but trouble, "Even if you don't like the FNG, you have to like me, right?"

"C-couldn't I…they didn't want to talk," half reaching out, he quickly tugged his hand back in, "they wanted to kill."

Bouncing off the bench, she sat sideways on his lap, "And that means you kill them back, Shinji." Hugging him, releasing his stasis enough that he returned the gesture, she began to whisper further reassurances into his shoulder.

The first few tears startled him, his emotions unwinding chaotically. "I-it w-was so e-easy," he began to sob. "L-like tearing b-bread." Clutching her close, Shinji's crying soon exceeded a volume that could be muted by the curtained edifice. Words were no longer possible, all he could do was communicate his sorrow as he shed the last of his innocence through tears.

From her position on his lap, over his arm, Noelle saw Maria Ross look around the corner. The Lieutenant Junior Grade flinched, understanding implicitly that what he was going through was her fault. Captain Minders the officer was furious, the string of failures leading to armed assailants aboard a supposedly friendly vessel unforgivable. Noelle Minders the woman was angry, at herself more than anyone. She'd let her anger control her actions, and those actions had given a clear line of fire on two of the most important people on Earth. She shook her head subtly, unwilling to berate or belittle the junior officer when her own actions were far from unimpeachable.

"M-Maria-san," Shinji sniffed, trying to reduce the stammer his crying had unleashed, "a-are your Marines ok?" He swallowed, relaxing his hold on Raffle, "I s-saw them both get hit."

There was a moment in her face where they saw her desire to simply lie, replaced just as quickly by a professional mien, "There will be a service for Sergeant Ivan Sanchez once we make home port." Standing at a stiff rest, she snapped to the position of attention, her eyes locked straight ahead, "I accept full responsibility for the failures which exposed you to this situation, sir. The life of Sergeant Sanchez, as well as the injuries to Sergeant Kildare and Pilot Soryu, are on my head. I will be making a full report once we return to the _Over the Rainbow_ , and I will clear your party of any fault or blame."

"At ease, Lieutenant Junior Grade," Noelle stood from Shinji's lap. "There's blame enough to go around. We'll make our report to Admiral Drake, together. If I hadn't rushed ahead, we might not have jumped into the kill box." Reaching over blindly and massaging Shinji's shoulder, she smiled, "At least we had a Paladin on our side."

Relaxing enough that she followed the letter of the order, Maria looked over to Shinji, "I know my word is meaningless, sir, but you did what you had to. The deaths of the enemy remain on their heads. If they hadn't attempted to take lives, their lives would not have been forfeit."

"You're n-not meaningless," Shinji stood up, crossing quickly to the Lieutenant Junior Grade and haltingly taking her hands. "Y-you tried to save lives, Maria-san. You tried to protect us, I-I'll ask Admiral Drake to take that into account. N-nobody should be punished because people w-won't stop trying to k-kill…me." He closed his eyes, a fresh wave of tears threatening him, "Everywhere I go…people pay for my presence."

"Stow that noise, Pally," Noelle rushed over and pulled him to face her. "You can't just lock yourself away from life! We'll find the cunt-waffles that started this and we'll hold them to account. This _isn't_ on you!"

Shinji looked down, "C-can we go see A-Asuka?"

Maria stepped back, "Right this way, sir." Catching Noelle's eye, she shook her head slightly. Letting Shinji take the lead, she fell back and whispered, "Ma'am, right now he's not hearing anything but himself. My recommendation is we get him back to the _Rainbow_ on the double. I know the Chaplain aboard her, he has a degree in psychology."

"Make it happen," Raffle ordered curtly. "Arrange for transport, I'll keep an eye on him as he talks to Red."

"Aye aye, ma'am," the younger officer peeled off and jogged away to be about her tasks.

"Ah, the Paladyn," Doctor Wiśniewski smiled in greeting. "Do not worry about your fellow. She sleeps the sleep of anesthesia now while we wait for the swelling to go down."

"She'll be ok, right?" Shinji looked to Raffle to translate, "No long-term issues?"

Following a translation, the older doctor nodded, "Nothing that should linger through the week."

Shinji nodded, walking closer to the bed holding the fiery redhead. "I'm sorry I had to use Unit-02." He frowned, not sure why he led with that, "He was perfect. Responded when I needed him to, fought hard…I couldn't have asked for better." Blinking away tears, he barked a quiet laugh, "I guess it's good you weren't awake. You…would have had to have seen me in this," he patted his plugsuit. "Don't worry, they won't be changing yours. Maya-san, Captain Ibuki, you'll meet her soon, she said that she's working on a way to improve the plugsuit without sacrificing modesty."

"Which means none of us get to see a fine example of masculinity walk around in semi-transparent, form-fitting, rubber," Noelle teased cautiously. "It will be something of a loss to all of us who appreciate fine works of art."

Shinji blushed, a slight smile playing about his lips, "You'll j-just have to settle for the skin-tight original, R-Raffle." He appreciated that she was trying to help him forget, and he wanted badly to learn to play back. The slow, rhythmic, beeping of medical equipment and the click-whoosh of the respirator was his only reply from his fellow Child. He stood still for a moment longer, watching, pondering what he might have done better to protect her. "I'm sorry, Asuka."


	42. Chapter 42

+++++ 6th Angel + 0 : Sunday (38)

The trip back to the _Over the Rainbow_ was made aboard a helicopter at the request of the Admiral of the Fleet. Shinji fought against hovering protectively over Asuka as she was loaded onto the bird, the anesthesiologist very carefully not saying anything that might irritate the man rumored to be chosen by the great divine. Once they landed aboard the _Rainbow_ , after a hop that Raffle commented was 'adequately executed', Shinji once more desired to stay close enough to maul anyone who might threaten the young woman he hardly recognized.

What he hadn't expected was the formal Cordon performed by thirteen of the ship's Honor Guard.

The formation had assembled rapidly as the bird was landing, the OIC of the Honor Guard waiting until the door was opened before calling out the order, "Cordon, Attention! Present, Arms!"

Noelle whispered from just behind Shinji as she pulled the blanket from his shoulders, "Walk through the cordon, slow enough to be polite, keep your back straight and your hands cupped, stop when you're standing in front of Admiral Drake. We'll handle Asuka-chan. Go."

Stepping down off of the helicopter, still in his plugsuit as everything in the backpack he'd carried was now coated with seawater and blood, Shinji focused his eyes on Misato who stood to the left of both Admiral Drake and Captain Perry. Sliding one hand subtly to her side, she made a grasping motion, urging him forwards.

Each step seemed to take ages, the eyes of everyone above decks focused on his every action. There was a solemnity to the proceeding, a sense that his actions were being recorded for the future, judged by the past. He wanted to run, to end the slow torture, but he kept his pace. The Damned deserved nothing less than his best effort, no matter what he was going through. They'd accepted him informally, and it was time to pay his dues. As he reached a distance from the Admiral he felt appropriate for socialization, he came to a halt, trying to determine what he should say.

"Welcome home, Lead Pilot Ikari," the Admiral raised a salute in greeting, rapidly followed by the Captain and Misato.

The Japanese traditional greeting resonated well enough to give him an idea of what to do. Saluting in return, he intoned, "I am home, Admiral Drake." Lowering his hand as the older officer did, he continued to seek a proper statement to make.

The OIC of the formation called out, "Order, arms!" The words seemed to release the stasis holding everyone still, the following commands delivered at a much more moderate volume as they were intended for the formation alone.

Captain Perry offered his hand to Shinji, "I am sorry that I did not get to introduce myself properly before, when you were on the bridge. Captain Chester H. Perry, sir. I'll happily admit to being wrong about that machine you pilot. Had you not been aboard the _Othello_ , we may all have been lost to the deep."

Shinji tried to find the English, eventually giving up and responding in Japanese, "It's…good to meet you, sir. My name is Shinji Ikari, thank you for your kind words."

The Admiral chuckled, "The gentleman returns your gesture, Chet. I think it best that one of us provide translations for now, I can appreciate the fatigue he must be under after that tussle."

"It's a fine language, sir," the Captain nodded in agreement. "I only wish I had an ear for something other than my native Virginian." Looking to the helicopter, where Asuka was being carefully unloaded, "With your permission, sir, I'll go make certain that our other guest is properly secured. On my honor, Lead Pilot," he turned back to Shinji, "she won't take so much as a tumble without Hell paying the bill."

"Thank you, Captain," Shinji was able to mouth the easy to remember phrase.

The middle-aged officer grinned, "Good man." Nodding politely, he hurried off with an Ensign and a Petty Officer in tow.

"If I may be so bold," the Admiral gestured along Shinji's torso, "that's quite the uniform they have you in."

Shinji's self-consciousness crept forward, "It's a necessary evil, sir. Without this, I can't interface as easily with the Eva. My movements become slower, my attacks weaker. I doubt I would have been able to even activate Unit-02 without it."

"We're working on a more…modest version, sir," Misato coughed. "Unfortunately, there was a series of mishaps that caused a need to deviate away from the model that Asuka-chan uses."

"I see, I see," the older officer smirked. "Well, to be fair to you, if I still had the stature I did at your age I'd happily wear something similar." Gesturing towards the ladderwell that led towards his in-port cabin, his face resumed its serious expression, "I hate to have to do this to you, but I need to ask a few questions. I've asked my Flag Lieutenant to ready everything, and we'll make this as brief as possible."

"Is…something wrong?" Shinji looked to Misato, "I…uhm, was wanting to make sure Asuka-san was ok."

"We found something," the normally energetic Captain replied obliquely. "I've done what I can, Shinji, but the Admiral has a few questions he wants to ask. He's agreed to keep everything polite, in exchange for our cooperation. Considering everything that's happened, if a few questions is all we have to answer I think we'll get off light."

"Please, Army Captain Katsuragi," the Admiral made a mollifying gesture. "There is an old Latin phrase, 'Manus Manum Lavat'. Or, 'One hand washes the other'. I am going to have to answer for the attack on your pilots. No matter what you might believe, my rank doesn't protect me very much when blood is shed by supposedly friendly forces. This position used to rate an Oh-Nine, but with all of the major changes brought about by the Second Impact and the Valentine's Day Treaty I was tapped to take overall command of the Fleet again."

"I-it's my fault, sir," Shinji blurted out.

Misato turned, aghast, "Shinji!"

"You're wrong," the Admiral barked powerfully. Holding up one hand in peace, gesturing towards his in-port cabin again with the other, he lowered his tone once more, "Please, son. I know that you aren't familiar with our traditions, but you've saved my children today. You are, to me, a member of the brotherhood of arms. Whatever ills you believe you have done, I assure you that they only exist in your head. Please, let us go sit, take some refreshments, speak like the adults we are. There will be no recriminations, no anger, no threats. Manus Manum Lavat."

Shinji vacillated between protesting and acquiescing. It wasn't until Misato gently took his elbow, tilting her head towards their intended destination that he moved. Keeping his pace to the Admiral's was easy, the man seemed in no rush to arrive. He knew he was shaking, the odd song had been crawling into his conscious thought the longer he'd been back aboard the _Rainbow_ and the bizarre duality was reaching an apex.

Continuing to demonstrate that he was both an officer and a gentleman, Admiral Drake allowed Misato to enter the cabin first, then gently guided Shinji in with a light touch and a soft-spoken word, "Please, son. Take a seat there at the table. This is Lieutenant Chambers. Lieutenant, please get Mister Ikari whatever he'll take."

The refined-appearing former-enlisted inclined her head slightly, "A true pleasure, Mister Ikari. Thank you for stepping up and taking action today." Calmly assessing his demeanor, she nodded, "Perhaps a cup of Irish coffee?" Looking over to Misato, she raised her eyebrow, "If that's something you feel appropriate, ma'am. You are his C.O."

"By all means," Misato gestured for her to proceed. "I'll stick with just black, please."

She nodded, then turned to the Admiral, "Your usual, sir?"

"Thank you, Kelly." Joining Shinji at the table, he looked through a thick folder containing a mixture of papers and still frames of various security feeds. "Let's start with the easy," pulling out a photo of Kaji, he turned it around so that Shinji could see it, "Ryoji Kaji. Thirty-three years of age, assigned as temporary guardian for Asuka Langley Soryu." Tapping the photo between the eyes, he frowned, "Even just meeting him you easily suspect him of being involved in things he shouldn't. You, however, met him and knew instantly that he was hiding something terrible."

Shinji flinched slightly when the cup of coffee was set before him, "S-sorry, ma'am." His apology was automatic, his stammer not interested in being curtailed with all of the various stressors flowing through the room.

"It will be all right, sir," Lieutenant Chambers smiled gently. "If he was upset with you, I wouldn't be in the room."

"Praise in public, punish in private," Misato repeated. "Command one-oh-one."

"Just so," the Admiral nodded approvingly. "Go ahead and drink, son. Kelly makes a fantastic pot of coffee, even limited to the supplies we carry aboard." He looked to Misato as Shinji timidly took a test sip, "I refuse to accept anything that isn't freely available to my children. It sets a bad example, and shelters me from the suffering they might be enduring due to bad logistics."

His aide-de-camp set down a cup of coffee before him, "Despite my encouragement that he take the occasional touch of whisky with his evening coffee." Pouring another for Misato, she smiled in expected commiseration, "I know you understand, taking care of Mister Ikari. They do what they feel is best for everyone, and ignore what is best for their own needs."

"Hmph," Admiral Drake coughed out a gentle rebuke. "The question I have is this," he watched Shinji begin to consume more of the drink he'd been given, "when did you know about that?" He gestured to a nearby briefcase, left sitting alone on the floor close to a writing desk. He nodded at a whispered statement from his aide, allowing her to depart.

The song, the duality, everything had blended together so rapidly that Shinji had almost forgotten about the sensations he'd been feeling. _It's because I'm in the room with it._ "I…uhm…."

"Whatever you say, son, it isn't leaving this room." The older officer sat back, "This goes so far above my position that anything I have to report on it will never be read by anyone who matters, save the one who'd put a gun to my head. I've seen the footage of what you did before climbing into this…Unit-02. I won't say I understand it, but I will say that I'm glad someone like you was given the gifts you have and not someone like him," he once more tapped the picture of Kaji. "You have powers that no other human does, perhaps no human should. Was it these gifts that told you about him?"

Shinji looked back from the briefcase, down into his cup, "Y-yes."

"Then I won't be reporting much at all," the Admiral sighed in relief. "The rest of this," he closed the folder, "is so much chaff."

Misato was stunned, "Sir?"

"Perhaps you're used to writing AARs that include the impossible, Misato-san," the man relaxed his demeanor completely. "But if I put in writing that a man capable of deflecting bullets with sheer charisma came aboard and convinced one of the rising stars of my Fleet to order my Master-at-Arms to detain a Special Agent who answers directly to a leading UN Committee, I'd be relieved of duty and put in Bethesda's care before the day was over." Picking up his cup, he took a slow drink, "Mmm. I so rarely get to enjoy a cup during the day."

"I-I don't understand, sir," Shinji blinked. "It can't be impossible, it happened."

"You're quite correct. Though, please, we're done with the formalities for now. Just Samuel will do." He gestured to the briefcase, "You, somehow, knew that Ryoji Kaji was carrying what both Misato-san and my own eyes have determined to be an alien embryo. You also, somehow, were shot at to no effect despite the weapons being accurately aimed." Following another drink, he set down his mug, "You additionally caused a machine without proper supporting equipment to operate beyond its rated energy consumption, float and then swim despite it being actively documented to be impossible."

Lieutenant Chambers walked back into the room, handing over a slip of paper before moving to refill various drinks.

Reading over the note, the senior officer let a show of concern cross his face, "It appears that your young Miss Horaki has entered surgery." Offering the note to Shinji, he sighed, "I can only offer my prayers there, Shinji-san. I know General Benoit by reputation, we've met once or twice in person but nothing major. He's a good officer, I've not heard anything negative other than the typical bellyaching about him demanding people follow the established procedures and stop being disappointments to their mothers."

Misato laughed, "I could easily see him having that reputation, sir."

"If he says his daughter-in-law can pull this off, I'd bet my money on him." The man looked towards the briefcase, "I'll do what I can to make sure we arrive without any delays, but we're still some distance off and I'm reluctant to approve you leaving my fleet now that we've been attacked once." Frowning, he shook his head, "Please understand my position, Shinji-san. It's your peace of mind against the tens of thousands of souls I have in my hands."

"It's fine," Shinji carefully folded the note and set it before him. "They're helping me because I'm helping them. It's as you said, one hand washes the other." Swallowing, he took a deep breath, "Is there anything else you need, si…Samuel-san?" He tried to keep steady, "I'd like to find a shower, and maybe a change of clothing, before I go check on Asuka-san again."

"Actually, there is one or two other things." He gestured to the door, "Lieutenant Chambers has requisitioned a change of outfit for you. We have a store of uniforms for officers that suffer accidents while aboard, and while it's irregular for someone to wear a uniform that is not actively serving…I think nobody will raise a fuss against the man who kills aliens and ignores bullets. It's a far cry better than demanding you walk around in what you're wearing now."

The Admiral's aide stood patiently waiting, "I believe Captain Minders will be happy to help you wear it properly, sir. Do not worry that you will be seen as a pretender. Most of the sailors and Marines aboard believe that you are military, or military-adjacent, already."

"Indeed," the Admiral nodded. "The second is an invitation to dinner tonight. The remaining Captains would appreciate the opportunity to have a meal and hear your story from the battle today. To express their appreciation, and have their picture taken with the man responsible for the world still turning."

The referenced fact that not every ship still floated carved an icy track through Shinji's brain, "I-I'm sorry, sir. I c-couldn't save them. I tried m-my best."

"Shinji," Misato cut off at a gesture from the senior commander.

"Son, I understand how you feel." Setting down his cup again and leaning forward, he kept his voice paternal. "There is no greater pain than feeling as if you could have done more to save the lives in your care. I worry about a few thousand. You? You have billions of souls relying on you. The responsibility you carry is unimaginable. Crushing." He smiled encouragingly, "That you still weep for the lost speaks of a strong heart, a true sense of purpose. Those men and women went to the deep struggling against fate to get you into the fight. When you saw your chance, you took it. You, knowing you couldn't swim in that beast, stopped our enemy from taking any more lives with it. You were willing to sacrifice yourself to save everyone, and I know down to my soul that the dead are proud to have given their all for such a man as you." He held Shinji's gaze for a moment, "I wish I could ask the Chaplain around…but it turns out he was one of those I mentioned. He, and most of his fellows, were aboard the _Cymbeline_ to discuss how best to continue to serve their flocks." Shaking his head sadly, he stood, "Please. Go get yourself clean. I'll have Kelly let you know when it's time for chow."

Gaining his feet, Shinji bowed, "I am sorry, sir. I w-wish I could have done more."

"C'mon Shinji," Misato rounded the table and helped him start moving. "Let's go with Lieutenant Chambers, find you somewhere to get clean." Looking to the Admiral for permission to go, she was comforted by his nod of acknowledgement. She had her freedom from one problem, and now had to find a way to keep tabs on Asuka's health and Shinji's dwindling sanity.

+++++ 6th Angel + 0 : Sunday (38)

"I understand your position, Captain," the chief clinician aboard the _Rainbow_ stated firmly, "however until I am confident that Miss Soryu has recovered I am ordering that _no one_ be allowed in except for myself and Corpsman Gimble. While I appreciate Doctor Wiśniewski's skills, I believe she was operating under the mistaken impression that the benefits to Mister Ikari outweighed the risks to Miss Soryu. The answer remains 'No'."

"Damn it, Doc," Noelle protested vehemently, "she's just got a deep cut. I've 'ad worse in the middle of a bleedin' swamp! Where the hell is Katsuragi?" Looking around, she frowned at the woman's absence, "She should be in here making it clear that this is horseshit!

"It's ok, Raffle," Shinji cut in. He was already uncomfortable in the uniform he was wearing, and he didn't want to continue to create a scene in the middle of the sick bay. The UN Army Aviation dress uniform looked dashing, he'd been told by any number of people, but he still felt like he was pretending to be something he wasn't. "Doctor-san is just doing his job."

While he didn't understand what Shinji said, the doctor could appreciate the tone he was using, "Please accept my apologies, Mister Ikari. I promise, once it is safe to see Miss Soryu I will send for you straight away."

"Thank you, doctor-san," Shinji tugged again on Raffle, starting them out of the sick bay. "Please, Noelle," she'd accepted that he was having a difficult time with the situation and had eased back on demanding he continue to use the name she'd earned, but only if he'd stop adding a suffix, "let's go see the kitchen."

"Galley," Noelle corrected, her irritation still firmly in place despite not being directed towards him. "It's horseshit, Shinji. There's no reason we can't go in there and see the Princess. If she didn't contract super-AIDS on the trip from the _Othello_ , she's not going to get it from us sitting in there keeping her company while she sleeps it off."

"Where to, Cap?" Their security escort had doubled in size, the Senior Chief Petty Officer in charge both friendly and firm in equal measure, "Didn't think we'd be turned away."

"The galley that preps food for the officer's mess," Noelle snorted. "He forced me to stop, or I guarantee you we'd only be leavin' after you arrested me."

"All right, kids, galley-step harch," the SNCO rolled his finger in the air to get his people moving.

"He's just doing his job, Noelle," Shinji demonstrated his understanding of English. "If the doctor thinks we'd best stay away, I have to believe he knows better than I do. I'm not a doctor, and neither are you."

"Horse. Shit." Raffle snorted, "So, what're we eating?"

"I…was actually hoping to cook something complicated," Shinji stated softly. "Help keep my mind off worrying." He shook his head sadly, "Hikari's back home, fighting for her life. Kodama and Nozomi are all alone. Now Asuka's hurt, and I can't be there for her. Everyone dropped everything when I got hurt, and now that it's my turn to be there…."

"You're where you needed to be, Shinji," the blonde captain's mood shifted gears rapidly. "If you weren't here, Asuka'd be dead. Misato'd be dead. You saved tens of _thousands_ , Shinji. I'll eat my plane if Hikari holds your toes to the fire for that. Even Kodama will be more worried that you had to fight than that you weren't there for her sister!" Looking over and seeing that his mood was still dark, she sighed, "Shinji, you were _right_."

"I…what?" He blinked, confused by the change in direction of the conversation.

"You fought to come here, ya dork," Noelle laughed. "You outright demanded that it was your place to come here and act like the Lead Pilot of the Eva Squadron. No you, no fleet. One less Eva for the fight. You were _right_ to make a fuss about being here. Now you're beating yourself up because you were right!" Clubbing him in the shoulder, she laughed, "So knock it off!"

"It's not that easy," Shinji argued. "I just-" He clapped his jaw shut, "I can't explain why."

"Well, don't ruin your appetite," she eased back slightly. "Remember, you're hobnobbing with the elites tonight."

"That's not my idea," he grimaced. "I'd rather be with Asuka-san, making sure she's ok."

Moving through the corridors at a quick pace, the group arrived at the galley. "Let me find Cookie," the SNCO gestured for his people to take a defensive position, ducking into the kitchen area.

"Excuse me, ma'am, could you ask him to step back against the bulkhead?" The most senior remaining guard asked politely, "He's got a profile as he is."

"Oi, lean against that," Noelle pointed to the nearby bulkhead. "Need to make room for traffic." Keeping the real reason of reducing the chances for someone to take a shot at him to herself, she appealed to his sense of polite decency instead.

"Oh!" Shinji quickly complied, "I…I didn't think about that."

"What's this I hear about…." A young woman stepped out into the hallway, pausing her thought when she saw Shinji, "You have got to be kidding me. You want _the_ _VIP_ to work in my galley, Senior Chief? Do you hate my cooking that much?"

"Is it going to get her in trouble?" Shinji despaired that he'd not find anything to occupy his time, "I don't want to get her in trouble, Noelle."

"Whoa," the head cook's eyes widened, "hold on. You're Japanese?"

Shinji nodded, "I am. I'm sorry," he bowed politely, "my name is Shinji Ikari. I was just looking for a way to pass some time. Maybe make something that people could enjoy while I was doing it."

"Ryou Machiko," she responded by bowing in return. "Are you sure you want to waste your time in here, Ikari-san? I mean…maybe if you tell the boss that you asked, he won't chew my head off for putting you to work, but I'm sure you have better things to be doing than puttering about in my galley."

"I don't want to cause trouble, Machiko-san," Shinji waved weakly. "I'll, uh…I'll find something else to do."

Just as Noelle was about to pipe up, the chef's lips pulled to the side, "Ok. Wash your hands, put a hair net on, and you can use station three." Pointing at the Senior NCO, she changed back to English, "You and your apes find places out of the way or you'll wash dishes."

The Senior Chief smirked, enjoying the byplay, "You know I outrank you, right?"

"Do you like eating?" She left the counter as her final word on the matter, moving back into the room and clapping her hands to get everyone moving again.

Noelle moved so that she was well out of the way, but still able to keep an eye on her friend-come-ally. She wanted nothing more than to take his sorrows away, to go visit the pilots and have them share their stories with him, any of the hundreds of things she would think to do to get her mind off a mission gone wrong. But she knew him well enough after having worked in close proximity with him for weeks now to understand that he wasn't a social creature.

To him, this was home. A kitchen, full of ingredients and measured actions. It was a change, for her, to watch him engage in something creative. Normally when she saw him, it was destruction or convalescence, and she soon admitted that he had a deft touch for the art. Moving around the others as if he'd always worked with them, he found what he needed and added it to what he had. Chopping, slicing, breaking, mixing, everything he did was performed with the confidence of a man who knew what he wanted to end up with.

After a time, she began to wonder why things were stacking up as they were. She had no clue what he was working towards, other than something sweet by the amount of sugar and butter. However, he seemed to repeat it at various scales as he worked. An hour passed, without sign of him slowing, then another, and despite anticipating boredom Noelle found herself amused and entertained just watching him do what he loved. It wasn't until into the third hour that she realized he was making cakes, and soon after that she realized he was making three. One, a tiered confection, was being iced with a simple mixture that wasn't necessarily the best ever, but seemed far above what would typically be created in the galley. The second, a simple flat cake, received a thicker layer of icing with a written 'thank you' atop it. The third, a small, single serving, was the recipient of most of his attention.

He snagged a fresh apple, cored and peeled it with deft motions, then set the thin slices in a floral pattern atop the small sweet. A single cherry, stem still in place, was gently washed and set in the center to create the appearance of a bud, completing the work. Stepping back to observe the three pieces, Shinji nodded slowly to himself.

"Ok," he wiped his hands on the apron he'd borrowed, "I think it's good."

"Good?" Ryou laughed from where she'd been observing between tasks, "Ikari-san, that's fantastic!" Pointing to the rounds he'd used, "I use those to mix pasta in," the long flat pan, "that would normally hold mashed potatoes," and the tiny box he'd baked the last piece in, "that's a holder for deli cheese. You somehow worked the temperatures just right to stop them from being damaged while still baking the cakes through! Where did you learn? Is your instructor Japanese? Can I have their address?"

Withdrawing slightly from the exuberant display, Shinji silently thanked Noelle when the blonde came to his rescue.

"Ok, kiddo," the blonde Captain made a shooing motion, "back up some. He's taken."

Ryou blushed, waving her hands frantically, "That's not…I wasn't…." Bowing quickly, she backed up, "I wasn't making a move for your man, Captain. I promise. I just wanted to know where he learned to work in such austere conditions."

"He's self-taught," Noelle stated simply. "Now, Shinji, where are these going?"

"W-well," realizing that Raffle was saving him a great deal of embarrassment, he began to explain, "I'm going to be a dinner guest tonight. I can't not bring something, it would be incredibly rude. So I made the tiered cake for a gift. The flat cake may not be big enough for everyone aboard to have some, but I thought that maybe the gesture would be enough." He made a few minor adjustments to the smallest, "This…is for Asuka. I won't be there when she wakes up, so I thought I could write a note apologizing and ask one of the corpsmen to watch over it for her." He frowned, looking back to his wingman, "I'm not making a good impression on her, and…she seems to be nicer than I thought she would be."

"I like it," Noelle nodded. "You," she turned suddenly and pointed at Ryou, then at the flat cake, "make certain this gets distributed appropriately."

"Aye aye, ma'am," Ryou saluted sharply.

"Senior Chief," she looked over to the big sailor with amusement written all over his face.

"I'll have one of my apes take that to the sick bay," he pointed to the small cake. "Please tell me he's not a sucker for the witch?"

"He's taken," Noelle repeated emphatically. "He's one of those mythical 'good guys', something I doubt you'd know anything about. Here," she tore a sheet of paper off a nearby supply request board, handing it to Shinji, "write your note."

"You got me there," the Senior NCO shrugged. Turning, he ordered one of his crew to take the note and convey the cake in a hurry to its destination, with a dire warning should it not make it or be consumed by anyone but the intended recipient.

"All right, Cookie," she turned back to the head chef, "you have a trolley so we can move this bastard to the Officer's Mess?"

+++++ 6th Angel + 0 : Sunday (38)

"I don't know that I agree, Asuka." Misato sighed, "I think he would understand that you were just blowing off steam. You didn't need to have him barred from seeing you."

"But that's the point," she growled. "I am a _raging_ bitch at the best of times. It's been three years, Frau Katsuragi. Three full years of me working constantly with Frau Marlowe to not treat everything like a personal insult. To not view everything as some twisted challenge to my competence and ability." Rubbing her head under the bandage, she grimaced, "I'm not angry with him. I know that he had to step up, and I know that he had to use Unit-02 to do it. He couldn't very well fight die verdammte Engel with nothing more than harsh words and a fantastic ponytail. But I _am_ angry."

"He needs to know that." Misato stretched her legs, "Believe me, he's got a heart of gold. He'd forgive you for blowing up at him, and he'd just learn how to work through these episodes."

"No." The fiery redhead glared at her superior, "I am _not_ going to treat him like some…walking scratching post. I am an Eva Pilot. I have a postgraduate degree! I am not some selfish, spoiled, narcissist that has to take out her wretched temper on someone who's first act was to turn physically around because he didn't know I was wearing biking shorts under my favorite sundress!"

Misato chuckled, "He asked us to tell him when you were in a position where he wouldn't see what he shouldn't."

"That!" Asuka pointed, "That right there. He is mature, he is capable, and he is battle-proven," jabbing her finger with each point made, she clenched her fist, "I am not going to be the weak link in this team. I will keep my temper to myself, I will not hold him to some impossible standard that I myself will never meet, and-" She paused as the curtains jostled, "What now?"

"Good news," the lead corpsman walked into the room with a covered tray, "it seems that the Paladin wants you to know he cares." Setting it down on the bed Asuka occupied, the health care provider uncovered it with a flourish, "According to Seaman Jacobs, this was hand made from scratch. The note beside it is in Japanese, so I doubt anyone's really read it on the trip to you."

"Thank you, Petty Officer," Misato covered for Asuka. Spying the young pilot quivering with her jaw clenched, eyes screwed shut, and fingernails digging trenches into her palms, she figured the woman would need a moment to re-center. "I assume she's clear to eat it?"

Answering with a nod, the middle-aged corpsman seemed somewhat disappointed in her patient's reaction. To her, any woman would be thrilled to receive such devoted attention from an unmarried man of Shinji's caliber. Even if one piece of RUMINT stated that the mysterious Third Child was actually dating the blonde VTOL pilot he wandered the ship with, and another that he had a bed-ridden supermodel back at home that was undergoing extensive surgery after a tragic accident, that the 'new woman' in his life was clearly someone he wanted to make a good impression on gave rise to any number of romantic notions. Shaking her head, she walked off muttering about the silliness of youth.

Plucking the paper from the tray, Asuka thrust it at Misato, "What does it say?"

Misato gently accepted the neatly written missive, "Weren't you just saying how you were a postgraduate? They do require competency in literature still, right?"

"I can't read _Japanese_ , Frau Katsuragi," Asuka drawled. "If he'd written it in any of the three languages I _can_ read, I wouldn't be asking you." Frowning at the confection, she debated whether eating it would violate her earlier declaration that she wouldn't continue to take help from him without offering anything in return.

"That's going to be a problem, Asuka," Misato sighed. "Everything on base is written in Japanese. You are going to have to study, and fast." Glancing back down to the note, she smiled as she pre-read.

"Stop snooping, and start reading," her stomach's complaints shifted the debate to a more utilitarian rubric, and she gently lifted the cherry and set it aside for last. Spearing an apple slice with her fork, she nibbled and tried not to appear too delighted that he'd lightly dusted the fruit with a mixture of cinnamon and powdered sugar, just like she adored.

"To Pilot Asuka Langley Soryu," Misato began slowly, teasing her new employee for her impatience, "I am sorry that I am not allowed to be there at the moment. If you wake up before they allow me back, I hope that this small token of apology will make up for my…failures." Rolling her eyes, Misato glowered at Asuka, "You see? He's blaming himself."

Speaking around a mouthful of apple, the copper-haired beauty raised her eyebrow, "Is that all the note says?"

Misato frowned, then finished reading, "Unit-02 performed superbly, I am truly impressed at what your Eva was able to accomplish, despite the handicap of me piloting in your stead. I look forward to fighting alongside you, to seeing what a trained pilot is able to do with a true marvel of German engineering."

"He does _not_ deserve what I would have done, Frau Katsuragi," Asuka swallowed the last of the apple slices. "If I hadn't read those reports, seen his record against die Engel, I wouldn't have believed someone like him capable of killing. I am going to push him, demand that he seeks the heights he is capable of, and I am going to do that as a _friend_. Not 'that cunt who yells at me'. He needs me…and I need someone like him to practice being a better person with."

"I think you're selling him short," Misato folded the note and handed it back to Asuka. "But I also think we have two different mindsets."

The conversation had reached an impasse, and so she chose to shift topics to avoid the possible avenues towards further anger. "Tell me about this Hikari," Asuka shaved off a sliver of cake, intending to take her time and relish the entire piece. "I want to know as much as I can about the woman he's chosen, so I can help her feel better about him working with me. I intend to whip him into a leader I'd be proud to follow, and that means spending lots time with him. Which means lots of time with her."

"She's the Class Representative for his class in High School," Misato began, silently agreeing that a new topic would be better for them both. "They met when Shinji went to class early his first full day in Tokyo-3, despite having fought the Third Angel the night before." A small smile curled her lips, "She literally fell into his arms, and into his heart…."

+++++ 6th Angel + 0 : Sunday (38)

"It truly looks amazing, Mister Ikari," Lieutenant Chambers smiled pleasantly. "But you didn't have to go to such lengths."

"It was…a pleasant distraction," Shinji shrugged, helping the Admiral's aide-de-camp set out the finery for the evening. "If I don't keep myself busy, I start to think about everything. N-nothing good comes from that."

"Then let's keep your mind busy," she nodded in understanding. "You will be sitting to the Admiral's right," she pointed to his expected seat. "To your fore, across the table, will be Rear Admiral Lazarev, the gentleman in command of the _Othello_." Listing each place, she gave Shinji a brief description of the individual, what languages they were known to be familiar with, and their expected temperament.

Reaching the last seat, Shinji frowned as she stated who would be sitting there, "I don't understand," he pointed to his seat, "shouldn't Captain Perry sit by Admiral Drake? He is the Captain of the _Over the Rainbow_ , and Admiral Drake is the one in charge of the entire fleet."

"That's _why_ he's sitting where he is," Kelly smiled approvingly. Her pleasure that Shinji was engaging in learning, instead of just nodding blindly, shone through in her tone, "He's the second host. Since the table is rectangular," she gestured along its length, "someone needs to be a good host to the guests at the far end away from the main host," she pointed to Admiral Drake's seat.

"Oh. That does make sense," Shinji nodded, readjusting his thinking. "Then, Captain Minders will be sitting there," he pointed at the seat to Captain Perry's right, "because she's the lowest ranking individual at dinner."

"Very good," the Lieutenant nodded once. "Both Army Captain Katsuragi and Army Captain Minders are attending as guests, but not as _honored_ guests. They're here at your invitation, accepted by the Admiral, but their position also serves a goal. Since you can't be away from the host, they're acting as your seconds. They'll entertain the guests that might not be able to speak to you directly during the meal, until you have a chance to mingle."

"This is…more complex than I thought it would be," Shinji pursed his lips. "I hope I don't disappoint anyone. I've…I've never eaten anywhere that I'd call 'formal', the closest would be the Blue Crane."

"You'll do just fine, Mister Ikari," Lieutenant Chambers patted the air soothingly. "You're having dinner with a group of politically-minded flag officers. If any of them begin to act in a manner that the Admiral finds offensive, the others will scuttle the offensive party before you even know what's happened. I'd expect you to be asked simple questions, given a chance to describe the fight against the Angel, told more than once that you should reconsider your affiliation with the Army Aviation branch, and otherwise thanked for your actions."

"Lieutenant," Captain Perry stood just outside the hatch, his tone friendly and free of chiding or malice, "is there a reason that the Lead Pilot is helping you set the mess?" Stepping fully into the area, his formal dress uniform just so, the man seemed doubly impressive to Shinji's inexperienced eye.

"I bored were, sir," Shinji apologized with a bow. "She of dinner right and wrong teaches me." Frowning, he ran the sentence back through his head, "That wasn't what I meant."

"What Mister Ikari means, sir," Kelly stepped in easily, "is that he has been asking me questions about etiquette. He is very concerned with representing his people well, and like the gentleman he's proven repeatedly to be, he was unwilling to stand about while someone worked in front of him."

"Yes," Shinji nodded. "That."

"My good man," Captain Perry smiled, "someone needs to stand you in front of a flag and grant you a commission. The military could use more honest, sensible, men." The slender sailor noticed the cake, "Looks like Cookie really came through tonight."

"That was actually Mister Ikari again, Captain," the Lieutenant noticed Shinji blush and look down. "It is my understanding that yet again he was unable to simply stand about and stare at the waves while others were busying themselves."

"Nor should he," Admiral Drake walked into the conversation. "Idle hands are the Devil's playground, and I would expect nothing less of someone in a leadership position than leading by example." Nodding in familiar greeting to Captain Perry, he smiled, "The sea is calm tonight, old friend. Clear skies and a steady breeze, it's a shame they no longer allow us to take our meal out on the deck. The stars are beautiful tonight."

"A shame indeed, sir," Captain Perry smiled ruefully. "At least we're not engaging in full P-and-C tonight, a friendly dinner is better without stiff backs and stiffer tongues."

"Go speak with the Admiral, sir," Lieutenant Chambers whispered to Shinji. "He's your host for the evening, and attending him now that he's here is expected of you. He'll want to introduce you to everyone as they arrive." She patted his lower back, "I'll be able to manage the rest of the tableware. Just be yourself."

Shinji presented himself quickly to the two officers, "I'm very sorry, Admiral Drake, but I don't think my English will be quite up to the task tonight. I can understand everyone just fine, but if I have to speak…I think I'll embarrass myself."

"No worries, Lead Pilot Ikari," the elder officer maintained Shinji's formal tone. "Lieutenant Chambers, or myself, will be acting as translator for you tonight. Just answer in your native tongue, and we'll relay what it is you've said to whomever."

Captain Perry nodded, "We have nine different languages in the fleet, though most of the higher-ranking officers are fluent in English. Our Intelligence Services are well-staffed, but considering the tenor of the night's conversation we're sticking with more familiar faces."

"Oh, that's good." Shinji puzzled why the Intelligence service wouldn't be trusted, but didn't proclaim any real knowledge of the subject. "If it isn't too much to ask, Captain Perry, has there been any more word from home? Or about Pilot Soryu?"

Following a pause while the Admiral translated, the tall officer shook his head, "Lieutenant Junior Grade Ross is currently finishing up her AARs, and has her radio by her side. I asked that she send a request for an update before I joined you here, and if she receives any word she has been granted permission to interrupt the evening meal." He frowned, "As far as Pilot Soryu, there are some incongruities in the reports I've received. I feel it best to say that the Doctor has her in hand, and that she is expected to make a full recovery."

"Captain Katsuragi told me that Soryu-san can be difficult," Shinji kept his word choice careful. "I am sorry that she has made things less than pleasant during her time in your care." Bowing politely in apology, he kept his tone contrite, "I appreciate the excellent care your staff has provided her, and truly hope that the rest of our mission does not have as much…excitement."

"Ha!" The Captain barked out a laugh, "A firefight aboard the _Othello_ , an assault by an alien the size of most of our submarine contingent, and the word he chooses is 'excitement'. I'm liking him more and more, Admiral."

Small talk followed as Shinji adjusted to having someone speak for him to people that he could understand but not reciprocate with. In ones and twos the other guests arrived, introductions were made, and the situation became ruled by the types of rigid social conventions that he felt far more comfortable in navigating. Without the need to act like a social butterfly, he was able to pace himself in dealing with so many at once.

"You look good, Shinji," Misato smiled as she took him in. "You would have fit in perfectly in my old unit." NERV's acting Second-in-Command was wearing a loaned formal dress uniform similar to Shinji's, not having anticipated a formal function while aboard the _Rainbow_. Her curves were drawing several looks, and though she was aware of the attention, she was so used to it that it scarcely registered.

"Don't fret," Noelle grinned. "If you need to pull the ripcord, just say 'I wish the echo would stop', and I'll make your excuses." Leaning in, she stage-whispered, "I'm pretty good at extricating people from these kinds of situations, if I do say so myself." An old hand at being prepared for anything, she'd stashed multiple uniforms aboard the VTOL, changing into one of her dress uniforms easily.

"That won't be necessary, Army Captain Minders," the Admiral smirked. "If Lead Pilot Ikari needs to step away, he can simply ask and I'll happily grant him leave. He is not my prisoner, he is my guest."

Shinji's mind twitched at the prescient choice Noelle had made, the echo from the embryonic alien in the Admiral's in-port cabin something he had adjusted to fully while dealing with everything else. "Thank you…Raffle," choosing the name she had preferred, he tried to convey his gratitude more fully, "I think I can handle this. Admiral Drake isn't asking for much, and having someone translate for me is reducing the stress of being around so many people."

"Good man," the elder officer clapped Shinji on the shoulder. "Only by facing our fears can we overcome them." Spying the galley staff mustering outside the hatch, he nodded to his aide-de-camp who asked for everyone to find their seats. "Come, let's see what Cookie has prepared for us tonight. I do look forward to trying that cake you prepared, as well."

Reaching his seat, Shinji instinctively waited for everyone else to be seated before taking his own. Years of ingrained habit actively prevented him from seeking comfort before others.

The action was not unnoticed, and Rear Admiral Lazarev was quick to comment in Russian-accented Japanese on the matter as soon as Shinji was seated, "I see that your mother raised you well, my friend. It is pleasing to see that manners and thoughtfulness were not lost to your generation with the changes brought about by the Impact."

Quickly choosing to not mention his mother's death, Shinji ducked his head in thanks for the compliment, "Thank you, sir. I wanted to express my gratitude for the care your medical staff provided for myself and Pilot Soryu. Doctor Wiśniewski, especially."

The older male snorted in disgust, "It is only right that we try to fix what I allowed to break, my friend. You would not have needed such care, had I been more attentive to the potential for snakes in my garden."

"Such a fascinating language," the rear admiral to Shinji's right commented. "I wish I had more hours in the day to study the Far Eastern language groups." The well-appointed lady smiled appealingly at Shinji, "I understand that while you are attached to the UN through NERV, you aren't actually a member of her military. This must be somewhat odd for you, but you carry yourself well."

Sitting back as his plate was settled before him, Shinji smiled a warm thanks to Ryou, who personally set his plate before him, "Thank you, Machiko-san. I look forward to eating what you've prepared." Startled slightly when the young chef glanced along the table at Noelle, uncovered his dinner, then blushed and ducked away quickly, he turned back to the woman who had complimented him, "It is different, ma'am. If I had known I was going to be treated so kindly I would have asked to bring a better gift than a rushed cake."

The woman listened to Lieutenant Chamber's translation, then laughed, "My dear, if anyone complains about the quality of a freshly baked dessert while we're under way I'll ask our good friend Admiral Drake to reinstate the cat o' nine."

Shinji looked down to the food, spying the chopsticks set alongside the plate and feeling a small spike of happiness, "Oh. That was thoughtful of her." His steak, unlike any of the others, had been fileted professionally into sizes appropriate for him to use his preferred utensils to consume, "I've…uhm, only recently had any experience with properly holding a fork and knife."

"I assure you," the Captain sitting diagonally from him laughed at Kelly's translation, "I would look just as ungainly trying to use those." Pointing with a knife-hand to Shinji's chopsticks, the stately woman smiled, then vaguely gestured to her impressive chest, "My one attempt at a restaurant during my youth ended up with most of the meal down my blouse or in my lap."

Shinji smiled politely, grateful that people were deflecting potential demerits away with stories of their own failings, "I can see the benefits provided with the silverware your countries use, though. A well-prepared bratwurst, for example, needs a knife and fork to apply the proper amount of sauce."

"Just so!" The rear admiral to his right approved, patting the table gently, "You can't just slather mustard on a proper wurst. You have to balance the flavors, or the meat is wasted."

"Where did you learn to prepare sausages, Mister Ikari?" Admiral Lazarev asked politely. "Someday, perhaps, I should like to invite you to visit my home town. Let my wife, or daughters, show you how we cook in the Motherland."

"I…." Shinji had a brief moment of panic, deciding to settle on a half-truth, "Wanted to make sure that I could offer Pilot Soryu something familiar to her, as she grew up in Germany. So I practiced, and read about proper cooking techniques in the MAGI library."

"Lead Pilot Ikari has demonstrated an excellent sense of leadership, and feels pride in his position of responsibility," Admiral Drake commented pointedly, misreading Shinji's reluctance as a fear that others would think he was making a move on Asuka instead of staying loyal to the woman he loved. "I had heard some rumors regarding his interest in his fellow Pilot's well-being that I had hoped to ask be put to rest."

"I've already set my Chiefs to handling that aboard the _Titus Andronicus_ , sir," the woman sitting diagonally from him stated primly. "If my sailors can't find better uses for their tongues than spreading lies about a man they should hope to emulate, I'll find decks that need a good amount of polish for them to use them on."

The conversation drifted around, various people joining or departing as the topic appealed to them. The officers instinctively allowing time for each person to eat the meal provided, or speak while waiting another turn to eat themselves. To Shinji, it was a marvelous dance they performed. The display of teamwork, despite conflicting personalities, inspired him to try and find a way for Asuka and Rei to join him for dinner at some point. If these leaders of thousands could work together seamlessly, surely he could find a way for three pilots to do the same.

After the bulk of the meal had been consumed, Admiral Lazarev leaned over and whispered in Russian to Admiral Drake, receiving a slight nod in reply. Glancing along the table, he checked for something only he knew, then stood slowly and coughed, "Ladies, Gentlemen, Friends. I would like to propose a pair of toasts, if you would all allow me the honor." Everyone else rose to their feet, save for Shinji who was subtly encouraged by Lieutenant Chambers to stay in his seat by the expedient of a soft touch to his shoulder. "Today, we faced an enemy beyond our understanding. There was no reasoning, no possible diplomacy, that could appease their desires. Instead, without the honorable declarations that should precede any conflict they attacked like cowards. Many brave and true souls now reside in the deep blue waters we call home, many more received wounds they will bear with stoic resolve as they remember the fallen." Lifting his glass slightly, he intoned formally, "To the lost, that their names be forever remembered."

The assembled raised their cups, adding their voices to the toast and taking a single sip.

"And second," the man continued after a brief pause, "I wish to toast to the actions of the man who won the day. I ask that we remember, despite our differences, that the Паладин wept for all of the fallen, even those whose destiny was to fall by his own hand. Let us all remember his wisdom, comrades, that no life should ever be ended callously. We are not butchers, and we show our better angels by following where this man leads. To Shinji Ikari, a Паладин among mortal men. May his light shine as a beacon for us to follow."

Shinji looked down to his hands, uncomfortable with everyone toasting his failure. Searching for something appropriate to say, a simple 'thank you' not seeming enough for the solemn toast, he frowned when the echo shifted. The sense of duality had become a part of the constant noise around him, and the disturbance of that balance chilled him. His mind felt as if it were in motion, and the realization that someone was stealing the strange embryo that spoke to him as all Angels did soon terrified him. "The briefcase!" Shinji popped out of his seat, "Someone's stealing the briefcase!"

Taking off around the table at a run, he moved far too fast for anyone to hope to keep up, though both Misato and Noelle made a concerted effort to. Behind him, he heard Admiral Drake ordering security to shut down all access to any possible means of exit from the _Rainbow_.

Following the sense of movement became easier as his plan solidified in his mind. He just had to locate the briefcase, and yell and point. People aboard the _Rainbow_ may not understand Japanese, but they'd clearly understand angry pointing. He soon after felt as if the embryo comprehended what it was he wanted, and sought to guide him towards his destination. Dodging around people responding to the general alert, he climbed ladders and ducked through hatches until he reached the upper deck. One clear order he heard along the way was that no one was to interfere or delay him in his pursuit, and that any assistance possible was to be rendered by the Admiral's command.

Spying a man with a ponytail, wearing a uniform that Shinji had learned meant shouldn't have that haircut, moving towards the VTOL pads, he called out, "Stop!" Sprinting as fast as he could, he closed the distance before any of the sailors or Marines on the deck could move towards the odd-man-out. He was forced to pull to a stop, however, when Ryoji Kaji turned and trained a handgun he'd stolen with the clothes on him, "Stop…please, Kaji-san."

"I can't, Ikari-san." The agent's eyes flitted back and forth, tracking the movement of the various armed security forces that were rapidly approaching, shouting orders for him to surrender. "If I do, they'll recover this," he hefted the briefcase slightly.

 _He's not going to use that gun on me, that's not who he is._ "Everyone," Shinji turned his back to the man responsible for his current determination to be better, putting his arms out and asking for calm, "please stop! He's…he's scared. We just need to talk, please!"

Misato, having acquired a PDW in her scramble to catch up to her ward, moved so that Shinji was clear of her firing line, "Shinji, I need you to come over here. He's not going anywhere, just move out of the way and let the professionals handle this." She worked flawlessly with Noelle, who had assumed a similar stance on Shinji's other flank, the two placing themselves so that no matter what, one of them would eliminate the threat to the young pilot.

"If he moves, I'll shoot," Kaji shouted back. "You want me to surrender, I'll surrender, but only to him."

"Damn you, Ryoji," Misato growled. "What are you _doing_?!"

Shinji turned back around. Keeping his hands wide, he tried to read how serious Kaji was. He knew the man had a penchant for jokes, but if he had to guess right now he was desperate, not jocular.

"What I have to, babe," he answered with a sad smile. "I missed you."

"You put that gun down, or I swear I won't miss you," she tightened her aim.

"I'm coming over," Shinji called out loudly. "You can just hand me the briefcase, and the gun. We'll talk." He heard various shouts to not go closer, and deliberately ignored them. He had to talk Kaji down, to understand why he shouldn't have trusted him if nothing else. Slowly walking closer, trying to appear as unthreatening as he could, he kept speaking to everyone, "We're not enemies, Kaji-san. You watched over Soryu-san, you clearly want the same thing I do. We're just…all scared right now."

"I'm not scared, Shinji-kun," Kaji spoke in a conversational tone, no longer playing to the crowd. "Not anymore."

"That's good," Shinji reciprocated, lowering his voice. "I'll talk to Admiral Drake, and to Commander Fuyutsuki. Whatever you've done, Kaji-san, I don't believe you're the kind of person to act recklessly. You always have a plan. Someone ordered you to do this."

"You're right about that." Keeping his gun trained on Shinji, his smile drooped, "Take the briefcase." Offering it, he kept his hand on the handle so that Shinji had to use both hands to retrieve it. Once the Third Child had it in his grasp, he tugged so that Shinji was pulled closer. Lowering his voice, he whispered rapidly, "They will come for you, Shinji. SEELE will come with everything they have, now that you've backed them into a corner. If you want to protect the people you love, push them away." Releasing his grip on the briefcase, he sighed, "Please…tell Misato I love her."

As fast as Shinji could act, barring a berserker rage he was still limited by what he anticipated, or could understand as it happened. With both of his hands on the briefcase, the duality he'd felt vanished. It was no longer two beings hearing the same song, there was now only one. So overwhelmed with relief that he'd managed to talk Kaji down, and filled with awe at how his mind seemed to no longer be arguing with itself, he missed the social cue that would have prompted him to action.

Ryoji Kaji, understanding that there was no path forward without endangering everyone and everything after having surrendered the embryonic lifeform that had been harvested from the Katsuragi Expedition to the one man he'd received explicit orders to keep it away from, lifted the muzzle of his sidearm to his own temple and depressed the trigger.

The relief Shinji felt turned to horror as his uniform, once more, was covered in the blood of another, "N…no." His hands twitched, dropping the briefcase to the deck. Kneeling, he tried to stem the flow of blood from the ruined skull of the man he'd never really understood. "No! No, y-you…why?"

Misato and Noelle arrived simultaneously. The former grabbing Shinji away from the corpse of her past lover, turning him from the scene and burying his head in her chest. "You're ok," she whispered, her own disbelief shunted off into the background for later processing, "you're ok, Shinji. You did everything you could. You couldn't have stopped him."

The latter kicked away Kaji's sidearm, not taking any possible risks of compounding the bizarre tragedy that had unfolded rapidly. "Fucking hell," she swore angrily. Wheeling around, she bore down on the man in charge of the security forces for the fleet, "Lieutenant Commander, who the _fuck_ was on _fucking_ guard duty? How the _fuck_ did he escape, and where the _fuck_ did he get a firearm?" Trusting that Misato had a firm grip on Shinji, she engaged the anger she knew both women felt at their dear friend being exposed to another senseless event. One would heal, the other harm in his name.

"H-he…he w-wouldn't," Shinji stammered out. "H-he s-said…."

"It doesn't matter," Misato clutched him tighter. "It doesn't matter what he told you, Shinji. He was always an asshole. Always only thinking of himself and his damn fool crusade." Softly stroking his hair, she fought against the tears that burned her eyes, "You tried your best. You tried to talk him down, and he wouldn't listen."

"H-he s-said he l-loved y-you," Shinji was quaking now. The man that told him to think for himself, to not do anything he'd regret…. "Wh-why?" Curling into her embrace as the initial shock fell away, he screamed out the only question he'd never have an answer for, " _Why?!_ "


	43. Chapter 43

+++++ 6th Angel + 1 : Monday (39)

It was some time later that Shinji sat on a tarp-covered pallet of boxes, staring blankly out at the ocean. Misato lay unconscious with her head on his lap, his hand clutched tightly against her core, not willing to risk him wandering off without waking her. Noelle had propped herself against his back, glaring daggers at anyone who came too close. 'Too close' being incredibly subjective, given the circumstances. Medical personnel had been summoned, had even recommended that he be taken down to the sick bay to be treated for shock and assessed for any other localized trauma. While their aims were noble, and a normal teenaged boy would prove no match for several corpsmen who held flawless PRT scores, Shinji had simply stood from where he had been slumped and walked through them, away from the conversation.

He chose to sit on the boxes, as they offered a view of the horizon they drifted towards. They weren't in the way of anyone, they were strong enough to hold him, and now that he had settled into place, nothing made by man would move him. When Misato followed, fighting a desperate battle to piece together what had happened, her pants still covered in blood, he accepted it. She wasn't leaving, he knew that. He could yell, scream, hit…she was tied inextricably to him, now and forever. He felt the same was true of the odd blonde at his back. A perfect partner for Misato, she had proven a loyalty that couldn't be denied.

Captain Perry had arrived shortly thereafter, Lieutenant Chambers in tow to provide translation, asking that when Shinji felt ready the Master-at-Arms would have a few questions, as would the Admiral himself. Neither seemed put out by Shinji's lack of reaction, both trusting that the people around him would make certain that he met the requirements when appropriate. The thin officer watched the horizon for a few moments alongside Shinji, a task he'd heard from several of his fellows that the young man wasn't prone to doing. He knew, now, that the man who'd saved his ship was cursed, and despite searching for a means by which to express his disappointment with life's desire to see Shinji crushed, he came up empty. He left with a general statement of apology, the feeling of failure hanging heavy from his shoulders.

Time drifted past with the waves, Shinji's mind both expanding and reeling. Adam's embryo, now his, had diffused into his very being. At some point, he'd begun to gently hum along to the music that'd been calling to him ever since he'd gripped the briefcase. It was subconscious, the kind of musical display that happens when a man becomes too preoccupied with everything else. The minds of everyone within hearing of the song began to hum in time, the song recalled as if from their childhood. Tasks were completed faster, and more accurately. Further work was sought after, the desire to not be seen as impeding their voyage taking deep root in their minds.

Noelle, watching the motion around them with an eye towards keeping Shinji safe, sighed when she put together what had been happening, "Hey, Paladin." Shifting around so she was kneeling behind him, she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and propped her chin against his neck, "Hey."

Sighing as he was forced to halt the song, he tilted his head slightly against hers, "Hmm?" The motion, far more intimate than he would normally display, seemed appropriate given how close he felt to the two women that sat with him.

"You're doing that voodoo again," she patted out a short tattoo on his chest. "The thing with the music. The same thing you did after training with Blue."

"It's not me." Reaching up with one hand, he lightly caressed her cheek with his blood-stained fingertips, "It's who I'll become. Eventually."

"You're half right," his touch warmed her, and she held his hand against her face for a moment longer, not caring what he'd been in. He was powerfully attractive, without a question, but she knew that he was approaching her as a friend and nothing more. "You will become what you want to become, Pally. For now, you're still my wingman, and you should probably not broadcast that you're a little strange. There are already enough tales going around about you."

"If you wish," he nodded. Running his thumb over her lips, he sighed, "When they take you away from me, Noelle…I'll end up with more blood on my hands. I'll make them pay ten times over what they do." Moving to stand, he lifted Misato into a bridal carry, "For every one of my people they take, I'll kill hundreds."

The statement alone was worrying, but the calm, abstracted, tone he used chilled her, "Where we to, then?"

"To tell Soryu-san," Shinji cradled his burden close. "Then I need to answer their questions."

"Not covered in blood, we're not." Taking his elbow, she called out to the security forces that had been ordered to stop anything else they could from making Shinji's life worse, "We're headed to the showers. Anyone peeks in on us gets friendly with his fists right fast. I want clean uniforms brought in by a lady-type right fuckin' now."

"Aye aye, ma'am," a young seaman took off at a dead run, her weapon quickly stowed on her back.

"Nobody's getting past us, Captain," the same Senior Chief who'd escorted them through the ship before dinner stated grimly. "We've had two security incidents more in the past day than we've had in the past two years. I'm not in a kind and fluffy mood right now, and I'm real tired of seeing _him_ get pissed on." He scowled at several sailors who were a touch slow moving out of their path, "So you give him a rubdown in the showers, I'll keep the gawkers at bay."

"Huh?" Misato came to, finally pulled from her sleep by the change in motion, "Oh! Shinji," she grasped tighter around his neck, "you can put me down."

The young pilot pulled to a stop and crouched to make certain that she was placed on the deck with dignity, "I'm sorry, I didn't want to wake you, Misato."

The way he looked down at her when he stood back to his full height hurt her heart. The bland acceptance of the horrors of life, the way he looked at her as if she were the one needing consolation, every part of her wanted to pull him back into a hug and not let go until he _let go_. "Where are we going?" She couldn't, though. At that one moment, Misato Katsuragi desperately needed someone to be her strength. Even if it came from the man she was supposed to be the adult for.

"Showers," Noelle answered curtly. "We're all filthy." Pushing Misato onwards, she set the group to moving once more. "Then, we're going to see the Princess, even if I have to knock the Doctor the fuck out." Tilting her head slightly, she frowned, "I may do it anyway. I don't really know right now." Guiding them down to the showers she'd used earlier before dinner, she waited while one of their guards checked the room for anyone before grabbing Shinji and hauling him into the room as he was trying to leave.

"Noelle," he stopped when she slapped her hand over his mouth.

Narrowing her eyes, she spoke in a tone of voice that she rarely used. Her honest emotions shone through, the deeply caring woman behind the rough-and-tumble exterior, "I am not letting my fucking eyes off of you until I have you back home in Hikari's arms. I _need_ you safe, Shinji. I can't lose another. So please, stop fighting and get in here."

Misato assessed the locker room, "I agree." Smiling faintly, she shrugged, "You aren't going to be leering, Shinji. It's not in you. I'll bet ten thousand yen right now that you won't so much as look at either of us." Helping pull him in, she continued, "If there was ever a man I would feel safe around unclothed, it's you. So let's stick together, and stop giving life opportunities to beat us like we owe it money."

"Clothes," the sailor from above decks returned at a trot with another helping carry the uniforms. "And towels," presenting her bundle before setting it down on one of the benches, she looked to Noelle first, "I threw in some body wash, shampoo, and conditioner from the NEX. It's not the best, but if it gets gun oil out, it'll get most of the blood."

"You're a peach," Raffle thanked her. "Now, out. Nobody eyes my Shinji."

Shinji sighed as the hatch was secured once more, "Are you sure ab-"

"Yes," the answer from both women was simultaneous and emphatic.

"I'll go first, then," he walked further in. "If I take the last faucet, then I won't have to walk past you."

Stripping swiftly, he moved to the place he'd chosen. Some deep part of him was mortified that he was not only acquiescing, but was stripping nude without arguing vigorously. That small voice was buried under an avalanche of rational counterarguments. If they could see him, he could see them. If someone attacked them, he would be there to kill the person foolish enough to make the attempt. The darker part of his mind taunted him, _I couldn't stop Kaji_. He frowned, turning on the water heedless of the fact that it started out cold coming from the upgraded desalination plant. _I wasn't trying to kill him. I was trying to stop him from being killed. It's two different things. I…I was able to save everyone on board the Othello…. Except the poor Sergeant…._

"Hey," Noelle stepped by him, a hand lightly placed on his back to let him know where she was. "You forgot the soapy things."

Lifting his eyes a fraction higher on the wall, to ensure he didn't violate her privacy, Shinji set his hand out for her to place the bottles in, "You're right. I'm sorry, I'm a little…I'm sorry."

"On your knees," she ordered firmly. "I don't trust you to do this right, and I don't want you walking around with bloodstains. It's bad for morale, and it makes a terrible impression in a uniform."

"Noelle," he began, stopping when she stepped in front of him, nude to the world.

"Eyes on me, champ," she shoved him firmly. Once he made eye contact, a process of slowly lowering his head until he _just_ complied with the letter of the command, she tapped his stomach, "We are _not_ lovers. If, someday, we have sex it will be the best sex ever, but it will be just sex so long as you're with Hikari-chan. Right now…right now what we are is bound by blood. We have fought together, we have suffered together, and by god I will kill anyone who touches a hair on your head." Setting aside the bottles, she stood with the water streaming through her hair, placing her hands on his hips, "I know you would do the same for me. So let it go, Shinji. This is just me. It's just you. Clothes, no clothes, we're going to see the worst and best of each other before the end."

Shinji considered her for a moment, then slowly crouched so that he could sit on his knees in seiza, "I will, Noelle." Looking to her face, he let the sadness he felt show, "I'm going to miss you, when you're gone."

"Well I'm not gone yet, bucko," leaning forward, she pressed a chaste kiss to his lips. "So lets get clean, yeah?"

She engaged in a mindless stream of chatter as she worked on cleaning the man before her, occasionally giving him some cleansing gel to use on her in turn. Each topic was chosen to push him towards the present, away from whatever dark futures he had begun to envision. Noelle flatly refused to accept fatalism, and she was not about to encourage it in the old-before-his-time pilot.

After a time, Misato crossed over to their side, "Noelle-san, would you mind washing my back?" Pulling her hair out of the way, she turned so she was facing the opposite direction from Shinji, hiding herself so that he wouldn't be forced to look at what she knew he had no interest in seeing, "My shoulders feel like they're frozen stiff, and I can't reach it."

"Sure thing, love," the blonde grinned at Shinji. "See? We're all friends here. Nothing special about it."

"I disagree," Shinji looked down, closing his eyes to stop himself from accidentally witnessing Misato's beauty, "any person lucky enough to shower with either of you has been given something wonderful. I told Maya, a few days ago now, that I was surrounded by impressive, gorgeous, women. Women of talent, intelligence, and beauty." He relaxed slightly, willing his emotions to spool back down in an effort to stop the tears before they came, "It hurts…knowing that you'll all be gone." The sudden sensation of supple flesh against his back brought a rapid blush to his cheeks.

"I'll never be gone, Shinji," Misato breathed into his ear, her arms wrapped around his neck. "One day, we'll all die. It's the nature of life, after all. But even in death, I'll watch over you." He heard her voice hitch slightly, "I have been honored to know you this past month or so, to watch you grow from a scared little boy into a man willing to stare down the barrel of a gun to try and save the life of an asshole nobody will miss. You've touched my life in a way I'll never be able to express, Shinji, and I won't ever leave your side."

Noelle joined the embrace, pressing Shinji's head against her abs, "You're stuck with us, Shinji, in life or in death."

+++++ 6th Angel + 1 : Monday (39)

Clean, in fresh uniforms, and slightly steadier emotionally, the trio stood before the sick bay pondering a valid line of questioning. It was likely that Asuka was asleep, and waking her up to inform her of the tragic fate of the man who'd been granted nominal responsibility for her seemed cruel. Not waking her up, however, smacked of running from obligations. Shinji pointed out that it would also strike her as attempting to keep things from her, which wasn't wise to do with someone as mercurial as Asuka.

"I need to do this," he cut off further discussion after ten minutes of debate, "it's my responsibility." Opening the hatch and stepping into the room, he moved towards the bed he expected Asuka to occupy.

"Mister Ikari," a nurse moved to intervene, "she's asleep." The young man was roughly pulled aside by one of the security personnel who had determined Shinji's vector and was _determined_ to keep it clear.

"Mister Ikari goes where Mister Ikari wants to go," the Petty Officer growled. "That's his kid in there, and he's doing what he ought to do. Now, go whine to your supervisor about how I was mean to you." Shoving the lower enlisted away, he turned slightly so he could speak to the man he was duty-bound to protect and flicked his head towards Asuka, "See to your pilot, sir."

"Thank you," Shinji nodded politely. He was upset that someone had to be scolded for him to do what was right, but he accepted it as necessary. A mode of thinking he'd begun to indulge in often, of late. Quietly slipping into the curtained off area Asuka had occupied, he grimaced when he saw her sitting against the bulkhead with her arms crossed, "I'm sorry for disturbing you, So…Asuka."

"Thank you for remembering my name," she stated archly. "Is there something you need, Shinji? I've been trying to get some sleep, but it seems people are determined to make that difficult, if not impossible."

He hesitated, trying to figure out if she was amping up to start yelling, or was continuing her trend of polite boisterousness, "I…."

"I'm not angry, Shinji," she stated in a tone that seemed to have a different opinion. "I'm guessing that if you had to bull your way in here, it's important enough. You don't seem like the kind of guy that just goes around throwing his dick in everyone's face."

"It's…." _Rip off the bandage_. "Earlier this evening, Ryoji Kaji attempted to escape from custody. Stealing a briefcase from the Admiral's in-port cabin."

"That idiot," Asuka sighed in irritation. "I…was told that he had been arrested. Smuggling something or another that shouldn't have been aboard the ship. They came and asked me a few questions, but I really didn't know anything that would help them. I guess they're going to ask me some more questions later."

"He…uhm…." Taking a deep breath, Shinji looked her in the eye and calmly stated the truth, "While attempting to talk him into surrendering, I was unable to prevent him from taking his own life."

Asuka blinked, her eyes narrowing quickly, "You what?"

"Asuka," Misato stepped into the alcove, unwilling to allow Shinji to shoulder the blame.

"No," the redheaded Second Child pointed directly at Misato without taking her eyes off of Shinji. "I want to hear it from him. Say that sentence again."

"I approached Kaji-san during his escape attempt, begging for him to turn himself back in. I approached him, unarmed, so that he would understand that I didn't want to hurt him." Shinji went into greater detail, uncertain if she was having a problem understanding the Japanese he used, "He appeared to surrender, even gave me the briefcase that he was stealing, but as soon as I took the briefcase, he…shot himself in the head. He was dead before…before I could try to use what little first aid I know."

"Out," her eyes locked onto Misato's. "Get him out of here, before I say something we'll all regret." Her hair quivered and shook as she applied all of the restraint at her command, the paltry amount it was. "Go."

"I'm sorry, Asuka-san," Shinji bowed as Misato grabbed his arm to take him out of the area. "It's my f-"

His fellow pilot screamed, " _Nein ist es nicht!_ " Slamming her fists down on the bed beside her legs, she gripped the blanket and threw it off of her, swinging her legs out of bed and standing with all just over one-hundred and fifty centimeters of height, "What is wrong with you, Third?! Have you been so damn conditioned to accept blame that you walk around apologizing for everything? Do you apologize for the sun setting too?" Placing herself directly in his face, she forced him to stand upright, "I get shot, and you blame yourself. The Angel attacks, and you blame yourself. You _win_ , and you blame yourself!" Throwing her hands dramatically outward, her gown slipped slightly, revealing well-toned cleavage and sending Shinji's eyes ceilingward, "You look at me when I'm yelling at you, idiot!"

"He's looking away because you're flashing your B-cups," Noelle snarked.

"I wha-" Looking down, Asuka blushed slightly, "Oh. Stupid hospital…. Fine," tugging everything straight she reached behind her and tied the strings tighter. "Thank you. I appreciate that a gentleman such as yourself understands propriety," even her gratitude was delivered with the familiar angry drama. "Now get out of here. I don't want to see you again until you get it through dein verdammter Schädel that not everything that happens is your fault!"

Shinj's response was reflexive, and typical, "I'm s-"

"Finish that statement," Asuka warned in low tones, "and no amount of bodyguards will stop me from pounding your head into the floor."

Faced with an Asuka he was far more familiar with, Shinji engaged the same protocols that saved him time and again in the Katsuragi apartment. He kept his eyes on the floor, his mouth closed, and backed away to a respectful distance before turning and leaving slow enough to not trigger her predatorial hunting instinct.

"Go," Misato whispered to Noelle, "I'm going to stay here. She's angry, but she'll still need someone to cry to."

"Roger," the blonde pilot nodded tersely. "Do me a favor, yeah? Slap her before telling her that I agree with her? She may be right about him, but she could have kept the body blows above the belt." As the blonde captain reached the corridor, she noticed that Shinji was calmly waiting for her, "You ok, bud?"

"I'm fine," he answered honestly.

Not used to hearing those words stated without the commensurate tells that indicated he was lying, she frowned, "You're…fine?"

"She's hurt and angry," Shinji stated plainly. "She's the kind of person that has a hard time restraining her anger, and when it reaches a boiling point she lashes out at the people she's closest to." Having spent a long time contemplating his former roommate, he'd begun to reach sensible conclusions. The new sense of completion, of oneness, brought an additional understanding of the people he'd been around. "She wanted me to leave, she even warned me to leave, and I pushed my luck to make sure she understood that I was sorry for her loss, however she felt about Kaji-san."

"…Huh." Frowning, she looked him over, "That's surprisingly insightful, considering your track record of misreading everyone's intentions."

His answer was evasive, "I took what you said in the shower to heart." He turned to face the Senior Chief, "I should with police speak, yes?"

"The Master-at-Arms will need a statement, yeah." The SNCO nodded, "You sure you're ok to talk, sir?"

Trying to translate what he felt into English, he instead decided to rely on Noelle, "I'll never be ok, sir. My life is destined to be filled with misery. But if I let that stop me from doing what's right, I'll just wind up regretting everything. I owe it to…I owe my best efforts to not regret my decisions."

The Senior Chief smiled at Noelle's translation, "Can you dig it." He nodded curtly, "Ok, folks. Let's get him where he needs to go."

+++++ 6th Angel + 1 : Monday (39)

Statements given, reports filed, Shinji was released with earnest thanks from the naval Lieutenant filling in for his boss at the moment. He had repeatedly offered to write the report himself, and been told as many times that while that would be lovely, the Lieutenant needed it in English. It was a short, professional, meeting that left even more of the crew of the _Over the Rainbow_ thoroughly impressed with the man known to them as 'the Paladin'.

"I've sent one of my kids to check in with the Admiral," the Senior Chief reported quietly. "It's late, and the head fish might be sleeping."

"I'm keeping everyone up," Shinji frowned. "I'm sorry, I've…kind of forgotten what it's like to sleep."

"Hey Senior Chief," the runner came back, "Lieutenant Chambers says the Admiral wants to talk to him about it over breakfast. Just after four bells."

"That's oh-six," Noelle translated from English-Navy to Shinji-Japanese, "why don't we go see about crashing somewhere? Worst case, you lay down and relax for a few hours, yeah?"

"Ok," Shinji nodded quickly. "I shouldn't be keeping you up, or anyone."

"Ok, folks," Noelle turned to the guards, "where's his bunk? I'm small enough to fit wherever he does."

"We had set aside a pilot's cabin," the Senior Chief responded with a shrug. "We were down two planes before we launched, and the anticipated pilots were left behind to fill other needs. The bunk they'd have hot-swapped is more than big enough for you two to…sleep."

"Sleeping is all that will happen, Senior Chief," Noelle stated flatly. "He's taken, like I've said repeatedly."

"What happens at sea, stays at sea, ma'am," the SNCO replied flippantly. "Ok, kids, bedtime for Bonzo."

As they moved towards their destination, Shinji worked the translation around in his mind for a few moments before he realized what they had been discussing, "O-oh." Looking down to Noelle, he coughed, "I'm sorry they think you and I…uhm…."

"I'm not," she responded with a smile. "It keeps the vultures from circling, and unlike certain older sisters of certain lovely young women, I'm capable of separating business from pleasure."

The reminder of Kodama caused him to sag slightly, "That's m-"

"I'm going to agree with the Princess on one thing here," Noelle stated tersely, "if you finish that sentence, there aren't enough people present to stop me from whipping your ass up and down these halls." Looking up at him, she shook her head, "You do not go around seeking out affection, Shinji. You do everything you can to dissuade people from pursuing it. Kodama has a throbbing spot for you, and for whatever reason her sister allows it. I've seen how you act around her, you're not interested."

Shinji looked back towards their direction of travel, "I…I just want them to be happy."

"She can find 'happy' with someone else," Noelle took his elbow, joining her pace to his. "That there's only one of you is sad, sure, but it's hardly a tragedy."

"If there were more of me," Shinji smiled at the thought, "I could make sure that everyone ate properly. Take care of their laundry, clean their living areas. I could study in school and at NERV."

"Only you, Shinji," she smirked regretfully. "Only you would think to use dozens of clones to act as servants to the people around you."

He frowned thoughtfully, "What else would there be, though?"

"One of you could be in the air, learning to fly," she offered. "Another could be learning to ride a motorcycle. Learning to play the piano. Making love, I don't know, there's so much more you could do, Shinji."

"That…would be a downside," Shinji blinked.

"Always having someone there to show Hikari how much you love her?" Raffle looked as if he'd gone mad, "A downside?"

"For her," Shinji stressed. "How would she know, for certain, that it was always the same Shinji?" He shook his head, "The more I think about it, the less I think it would be a good idea. Each version of me would be unique, each new experience changing us. Hikari would begin to notice the differences, maybe even develop preferences. It would hurt the other 'me' to know that they weren't the one she loved."

"You are a spoilsport," she huffed. "Imagine what it would feel like for her to have three of you at once!"

"I…wouldn't know," he admitted. "It seems like kissing is a one-to-one activity, so it would make sense that the other would probably be the same."

"Only," she stopped just as they reached their destination, "if you lack willing partners or imagination."

"Here you are," the Senior Chief gestured to the cabin, "we'll have someone call through the intercom half an hour before four bells. Give you a chance to finish up before breakfast."

Rolling her eyes, Raffle escorted her wingman through the hatchway and closed it behind them, "I swear, you put a man and a woman together and everyone loses their bloody minds."

"I guess it's because you're attractive, and everyone's seen us stay by each other," Shinji shrugged. Looking around the small area, he noticed a swivel chair secured to a writing desk, a long bed that took up the bulkhead closest to him, and not much else in the spartan area.

"Shinji," she paused with her uniform shirt halfway off, "do you honestly find me that compelling?"

When he turned to consider her, the answer was obvious before he spoke it, "Of course."

"It really is odd," she mused, continuing the act of stripping down to her shirt and panties, "I mean, I'm not lacking for confidence. You can't be weak in the spine and strong in the saddle. Just doesn't work." Hanging her blouse on the back of the seat, she looked back to him, "But I really didn't anticipate someone…like you, I guess, thinking that I'm 'gorgeous'. I'm, on a really good day, a six-and-a-half."

Shinji, standing by the tight-seeming closet, shrugged again, "You're all far beyond me," he stated honestly.

"Well, get your clothes off. Wrinkles are a no-no for this kind of uniform." Kicking off her pants, she laid them across the writing desk, then walked over to help him, "You're laying down, with me. Even if you don't switch off, you're at least going to stay still for a few hours."

"I could just sleep on the floor, Noelle," Shinji gestured to the deck as his shirt was swiftly removed, "I've slept on worse."

"You could also sleep on the moon," she glared up at him. "I'm not letting you out of my sight. If I'm going to get any sleep, it's going to be with you behind me where I know you're safe."

Shinji had another flash of insight, her past statements mingling with her current stance provoking him to think beyond the present, "What happened, before you joined the Damned?"

She paused in her motions to consider him, then began moving again, "Get in bed, and I'll tell you."

Shinji was soon down to his undershirt and boxers, pressed back against the wall with his wingman laying with her back against his front. He wondered how she intended to protect him, at little more than half his size, but the fact that it allowed her to relax enough to try and sleep held his tongue. Contemplating where to put his arms, the decision was taken from him when she grabbed his hands and laid her head in the crook of his elbow, placing the other limb over her stomach.

"It's…how I got my callsign," she began without preamble. "Prior to the resource wars that followed Second Impact, I was serving alongside a multinational coalition in Okinawa. We were staged there, in case the old North Korean government decided that it was time to bring back the Nineteen Fifties. When the world…died, there was a series of nuclear 'misunderstandings'. In order to provide fire support for our forward forces in taking as many pieces off the board as possible, they began throwing everything we had into the air."

The concepts weren't lost on him, the old war documentaries Misato watched had enough of the basics.

Her voice darkened, "We'd expected that the Chinese would be supporting the Nork's advance south. What we hadn't anticipated, at least locally, was China imploding and Russia deciding that they wanted to take over the entirety of North East Asia instead of striking south and west into Europe. They 'aided' the regime, emboldening their leaders and pointing them towards South Korea with promises of further support in occupying Japan. When we were successful in repelling their advances, despite the kind of death toll your teachers likely understated, they started eying a Pyrrhic victory instead."

Shinji felt her shudder.

"It was at that same time that the beginnings of the Valentine's Treaty took root. There were two camps in Russia at that point, Ultranationalists that wanted to export their influence and retake the 'glories' of the old Soviet Union, and Loyalists to the man who had taken the mantle of leadership after over a decade of 'strong man' rule by a former KGB. It was the Loyalists that warned the Allied Western Governments of the plan to use the last of the old 'Nuclear Land Mines' to create a hundred-year No Man's Land along what was left of the Korean Peninsula and North-Eastern China."

He felt compelled to wrap his arms more firmly around her, aware of how painful talking about past traumas could be.

"To shut the plan down, we needed to push hard and fast into thick air defense. Waiting for the land troops to take out the worst of it wasn't an option, as speed was essential. The problem was, after two years of constant fighting, we were down a _lot_ of friendly weapons platforms. When the mission came down…we drew lots."

Remembering what Hikari had said of her words from the first time she'd mentioned anything of her name, he whispered into the top of her head, "And you lost. You had to stay behind, and watch as the people you'd fought with, the people that you'd sworn to defend to the death…."

"It was Feelgood that gave it to me," she continued, her voice thick. "When Buffalo succeeded in their mission, despite an eighty-seven percent casualty rate, I was offered a chance to transition into the provisionally named UN Army Air Corps. That's where I met him, and he took me under his wing and helped me deal with…my own problems. He gave me the callsign 'Raffle' because he wanted me to face it, to understand that it may influence me but it would only define me if I let it."

He began to understand her motivations, and her pride, in being allowed to choose his new 'name'.

"So you're not allowed to go to the other side of that silvery brook," she stated firmly. "I've taken you under my wing, and you and I are going to be together forever, you hear?" Rolling her shoulders, she tucked in closer to him, "I was so pissed off when I saw you jump into the ocean. Once again, someone I…care about…. You were going where I couldn't help. You were engaging an enemy that wanted to kill everyone around me, and I could do _nothing_. It's horrible, Shinji. I hate every second of it, sitting there with a dead stick and the world rushing past me."

A small smile creased his lips, and Shinji knew, for once, the right words, "I love you too, Noelle. I am honored to have been named by you." He felt the first wet touch of tears against his arm as the lights went out at her command.

"You're damn right you're honored," she stated, her voice a mixture of joy and sorrow, "it's a good damn name."

+++++ 6th Angel + 1 : Monday (39)

Shinji was as startled as he'd ever been when he woke up to the sound of an unfamiliar voice from the intercom by the door. He hadn't remembered falling asleep, and for the first time in ages hadn't dreamed while he was unconscious. To him, he'd just finished hearing Raffle's tale and helping her cry through the worst of things.

"Sorry to bother you folks, but it's twenty-seven to four bells. The boss wanted me to wake you up so you could get ready for breakfast with the Admiral."

"Understood, we're up," Noelle released the intercom switch that was placed near the toggle for the lights in the room, "I swear to god," she moaned as she stretched slowly, "if this is the last time you and I sleep in a bed like this I'll die inside." Standing, she adjusted her shirt and showed Shinji a great deal of skin in the process, "I haven't slept like that in ages. Hikari is so lucky to have that kind of feeling every night."

He had to admit that it felt good to have someone thank him for simply existing. "I," he paused. "Wait, I thought you said that I shouldn't do things with anyone but Hikari."

"I said that you shouldn't do things you don't want to just because others want you to," she corrected, turning to face him. "If Hikari is fine with you dating other women, or if she just wants to find someone that both of you can date, that's up to you and her. But if you don't want to, then don't. You matter too, Paladin. While you are nothing without your Light, she has no influence over the world without you. It's symbiotic." Leaning down, she kissed him gently, "And I love you too. You're a good man, and I'm surrounded by rapscallions. You and Vidar are the sole bright points sometimes."

Shinji squirmed at the praise, "What about Feelgood?"

"He's a great pilot, a good leader, and he's the best at what he does," moving to the other side of the room to begin dressing, she worked her fingers through her hair. "He's also a complete scoundrel, an unrepentant jackass, a womanizer, and I'd sooner fuck my plane than let him hold me overnight."

"Uh…wow," Shinji blinked. "That's…confusing?" Hurrying to dress himself, he realized he'd been sitting there watching the vivacious blonde without any motion on his own part.

"Not really," she ran the comb she carried through her hair several times before pulling it into a uniform-approved style, "it takes all kinds Shinji. I like Feelgood, but that doesn't mean I like everything about him. I like how he pulled everyone together to help you on short notice when Toshiro-san passed. I don't like how he'll date girls that he knows are just using him for cheap thrills. I like that he calmed you down before the race against Glitch. I don't like his taste in music."

"I…think I'm getting it," Shinji worked his belt into place. "I guess everyone treats it as rare that I'm so willing to forgive people for hurting me, I just thought that meant that accepting the flaws in others wasn't 'acceptable'."

"It _is_ rare," she hurried over and tugged him to the chair so she could redo his hair. "That's what makes you so pleasant to be around. If it were more common, it wouldn't draw as much attention to you." She snorted a laugh, "You know, it's almost unfair that you have better hair than me."

Something she'd said earlier shouldered its way to the fore, "When you mentioned not wanting this to be the last time…."

"I mean sleep, Shinji," she soothed his shoulder. "I have a hard time sleeping, some nights. More than once, Vidar's held me while I cried it out. His wife knows that he and I sleep like that, and she's hacked off on the idea emphatically. I promise you, he's been unfailingly loyal to her. It's the only reason I'm comfortable enough to relax around him."

"Oh." As his hair was tended to, he pondered the level of comfort he'd found in having someone there, and realized that it was rather pleasant in the end. That he'd slept at all was astounding enough, that he hadn't dreamed a thing could likely be laid directly at the feet of knowing that there was someone right there with him. When he'd slept with Hikari, there had been some distance, his instincts driving him to give her room. _Next time,_ he nodded, _I'll just let her curl into me like she wanted to_.

"Of course," she walked around before him in just her blouse, her slacks still hanging over the desk with his, "if at any point Hikari decides to leave you…. You know, because she goes stark raving mad, I still have right of first refusal." Her smile was back to the aggressively playful woman he recognized.

"I…uhm," he tried to play back, "I think there may be some competition for that position."

The way she glowed when he responded told him he'd hit the mark, "I doubt any of the children trying would know how to handle a high-performance machine like yourself, Paladin. I may not be a being of Light, but I think that you'd enjoy defending Christmas." Winking before she went to hand him his pants, she added, "I can come more than once a year, after all."

+++++ 6th Angel + 1 : Monday (39)

"I don't know, sir," Misato stood in the Admiral's in-port cabin, the two having already begun the conversation when Noelle and Shinji arrived, "that's Bakelite. The only way the embryo could have been removed would be to break the damn thing, and that's something we would have been made distinctly aware of. It's intact, weathered, scarred…there's no way someone would go to the length of doing that just to switch it with a replica during an impromptu escape attempt."

Shinji's first thought, as usual, was to try and help, "Is something wrong?"

"Ah," the Admiral turned to recognize Shinji's entrance, and extended him a slip of paper, "Mister Ikari. I have news for you."

Crossing the cabin to take the note from him, Shinji caught sight of the object they'd been discussing. The briefcase stood open, the contents just as Misato had described. _I guess…I absorbed more than just knowledge_. Opening the folded paper, he scanned the terse handwriting, 'Patient stable. Surgery to continue today.' "Stable is…good."

"It's better than dead," Misato rubbed his shoulder. "I'm sure that we'll be home soon. The SAR teams finished their business late last night, we've been steaming towards port for several hours now. If everything goes well, it will be this evening, or at the latest tomorrow morning."

"It's fine," folding the note, he placed it in his trouser pocket. "Worry here, worry there…I made the right call to come with you on this trip Misato. I'm not a brain doctor, there's nothing I could do there. Here, though, I made a difference."

"Well spoken, my friend," the Admiral nodded approvingly. "Come, let's sit down and have something to eat. Army Captain Katsuragi has given me most of the information I needed." Taking a seat at the table, he motioned for Shinji to sit to his right, "I've reviewed the AARs, but I'd like to hear your side of things."

Plates were delivered by Lieutenant Chambers, who greeted him with a soft smile. The meal was generous, all things considered, and the coffee she brought to the table next was improving his taste for the drink. The cup before him lacked a flavor the last cup he'd had possessed, but he chalked it up to experience with the beverage and not the lack of whisky he'd not known was present before. He waited, however, for everyone to be served before he tried either.

Bracing himself for the memories, he took a slow drink before setting his mug back down and looking to the older officer, "I…can't really explain how I knew the briefcase was being stolen. I don't understand it myself. It would be like…uhm," he frowned, "like trying to explain how you recall the number six hundred and thirty-seven. It's just…there, when you need it."

"Indeed," chewing calmly, Admiral Drake appeared to think through what he'd heard carefully. "Would you say that the feeling, the sense that it was being stolen, led you directly to the thief?"

"Yes," Shinji replied laconically.

Waiting a few breaths, the Admiral seemed to want to phrase everything in a distinct manner, "Did that sense change when you took possession of the briefcase?"

"Yes." Shinji tilted his head, "The echo disappeared."

It was Misato who asked the question that had been dropped into the room, "Echo?"

"Yesterday, when we arrived," he clarified, "I began to feel like I was hearing everything twice. From two different directions." Holding one hand over his ear, he snapped the fingers of his free hand, "Like when your ear is plugged, and loud or sharp sounds seem dull and wrong?"

"Then it's what I feared," the elder officer sighed. "The Soryu girl wasn't the target of the attacks."

"Bait," Noelle nodded. "She was struck by a 'lucky' shot, they were trying to get Paladin here into the kill box."

Admiral Drake folded his hands in his lap, a look of distaste in his eyes, "Army Captain Katsuragi, I need to ask you to be frank with me. Lead Pilot Ikari, he's not fully human, is he?"

"I'm afraid I don't quite take your meaning, sir," Misato's eyes narrowed. Someone was impugning the closest thing she had to a son, and her 'tact' was being strained severely, "Shinji is every bit as human as you or I. He lost his mother, was abandoned by his father, got dragged into a fight he's had no choice but to win. If you think that-"

"Steady," holding a hand up to vie for a moment to clarify, he rephrased his question. "Shinji Ikari," he reached over and took a folder from a nearby stand, "stood near to a foot shorter," setting it down, he pulled out a photo of a pre-L-Nine Shinji, "had dark hair, a single eye color, and was someone I would generally describe as a waif." Sliding the photo atop the papers, he gestured to the man to his right, "Shinji Ikari, now, deflects bullets, detects thefts from hundreds of yards away, and looks more akin to the characters of the comics I enjoyed as a lad."

"I was…changed," Shinji admitted quietly. "After I stepped on a broken teacup."

"As far as origin stories go," the Admiral raised his eyebrow, "that's not quite up there with a radioactive spider or exposure to a yellow sun."

"Shinji," Misato reached over and gripped his arm, "it wasn't the teacup. This isn't your fault. If she hadn't dunked you in that LCL mixture, you'd have just had to use crutches for a couple of weeks while your foot healed."

"The LCL," Admiral Drake interjected, "it was a distinct formulation? Not the same as that blood-smelling liquid we carry to use with your Unit-02?"

Shinji nodded, "Doctor Ritsuko Akagi thought it would heal me faster. It…kind of did. But I think I absorbed more than just that, the changes go beyond simple things as you've seen."

"I see." The elder officer sat back, rubbing the backs of his fingers against his cheek, "Then the bio-mass," he nodded to the briefcase, "is likely inside of you."

"That's quite the leap of logic, sir," Noelle dabbed her lips with a cloth napkin. "Going from odd gunk exposure to teleporting aliens." Her tone curt, she showed a clear readiness to grab Shinji and depart the carrier for home if the conversation continued along avenues she feared.

"Lieutenant Chambers," the man's response was to look away from the table towards his aide-de-camp, "if you would bring me the orders we just received?"

"Of course, sir," the willowy officer sorted through a stack of folders, pulling out a bright red plastic binder and bringing it to her superior. Her task complete, she went around and refilled everyone's drinks, unconcerned with the sudden sense of anxiety that had filled the room.

"As of oh-three-hundred this morning, I was ordered by the 'United Nations Human Instrumentality Committee'," opening the binder, he showed the letterhead that was stamped with a classification and compartmentalization combination that none of his guests were familiar with, "to place the remains of Ryoji Kaji, the artifact he'd attempted to abscond with, and any 'relevant physical materials' into quarantine." Flipping the page up, he read directly from the orders, "They read, in part, 'Should any humans come into direct contact with the contents of the attaché case, they are to be placed within a BSL-4-adherent facility and dis-personed'." Dropping the page back down, he closed the binder, "So I ask you again, Army Captain Katsuragi: he's not fully human, is he?"

Misato closed her eyes, the truth of the matter becoming obvious, "No, sir."

"It is fortunate, then," the Admiral set the binder aside and took up his fork, "that no humans have come into direct contact with the contents of the case." Gesturing with the first two fingers of his free hand towards Shinji's plate, he indicated the young pilot's eggs, "Cookie does make the best of the materials we have for her to work with, doesn't she?"

"Will you get into trouble, sir?" Shinji lowered the chopsticks that had been set aside for his use, "Please…I'm…I don't want anyone else to suffer because I'm-"

A brusque laugh cut Shinji off, the elder officer shaking his head, "My friend, I was in trouble from the moment I was born." Smiling fondly at the young pilot, his demeanor shifted back to 'just Samuel', "It is something I believe you would be well-positioned to understand. Others relying on you, needing you to be, or act, as they wish you to be, or act. Expectations, demands, and never with anyone giving you enough information to go on." He glanced meaningfully to Misato, "Your commanders sending you out without all of the intel you need but expecting you to act as if you know what they're holding back."

"I'll have you know, sir," Misato lifted her chin, "that I'm just as ignorant as he is. Probably more so."

"Definitely more so," Noelle stated with a grin at her plate.

The conversation shifted to a more relaxed meal at that point, the Admiral willing to leave the rest of Shinji's acts alone. He knew what he would write to his superiors, just as he knew that the briefcase was bound for the briny deeps. To his mind, Shinji was simply the victim of an unfortunate confluence of circumstances. As one of the men who'd inspired his youth had put it, the world was blessed to have such men as Shinji Ikari upon it. He didn't need prison, or laboratory testing. He needed to be home, where he would be allowed to do the good deeds he may. The UN would learn to deal with disappointment, or it would relieve him of the burdens of command. Either way, Shinji Ikari would be safe.


	44. Chapter 44

AUTHOR'S NOTE SECTION: Story is below this mess. Scroll down, or Ctrl + F for the Five Plus Marks (+++++).

By request, here are the responses I'm willing to provide to the reviews posted to date. If I don't answer it, it's because it's a plot point that will be addressed in the future. I'll try to respond more frequently through such entries, so that it isn't as long as this is.

Anon: "Did Shinji succeed in limiting casualties in that (editor's statement: the 3rd Angel) fight?" - Yes. The explosion really damaged the area around the fight, but any human casualties were the fault of the people involved in the injury, not the combatants.

Ivan meza: "Is harem" – Don't know yet. Could be, could not be. The original treatment was Shinji-Hikari-Maya. Then it became Shinji-Hikari. Now it might be Shinji-Hikari-Maya/Shinji-Kodama. Could even end up Shinji-Hikari-Maya/Shinji-Kodama-Maya. Might become Shinji-Nobody at bloody all. I don't have a hard and fast pairing that I'm married to, yet.

ShadowCompanion: "Shinji/Hikari" - For those who want pure Shinji-Hikari, don't lose hope. I'm not sold on the idea of a polyamorous end. The characters are writing this just as much as I am. The chances of this story have a Silent Hill-esque multiple ending route is high.

BigSkeez0195: "Very interesting read so far!" Thanks. "…(R)ei should have been mentioned by now." – It took a long time to get to her, because Shinji was overwhelmed with everything. He is, in main canon, rather self-absorbed. The first several chapters are told through his eyes to set the tone of the piece, and so Rei took a while to show up and Shinji realizing he'd forgotten about her was part of his growth.

Darzefader: "I'm liking this fic so far." Thanks. "…(L)evel headed and progressive Shinji portrayal." – To an extent, sure. He's still very broken, and he's lost a lot of the calm he gained at the start as the new pressures arrived. It was never my intent to make him 'on top of it all'. The struggles are key to a good story, otherwise the characters have nothing to strive towards and inspire us through.

Crownlessking21: RE: Ritsuko/Misato as love interests – That was never the intent. I dislike the common portrayal of Misato as a Mrs. Robinson character, as it diminishes her maternal side that was such a tragic part of her story. Ritsuko took up that mantle, and isn't yet done with it. However, as I'm sure you've seen, Shinji isn't 'interested' because he doesn't see her as someone he'd ever feel equal to.

PrometheusDark: "This is really good!" Thanks. "Hikari being with Shinji is a surprise, but it works very well. Shinji definitely needs the support." Winner, winner, chicken dinner. Hikari, by virtue of having the least amount of characterization of any of the women in Eva with dialogue/screen time, has the most potential to be positioned as Shinji's love interest while still being 'in character'.

Bcaffera: "Excellent story. Really, really good." Thanks. "English is not my native language so, sorry if there is any mistake." It's not mine either, my friend. You are 100% understandable with what you've said.

Jackie Geroux: "Unf, so good!" Thanks.

Imthebest124: "…I love this story and I hope you continue." Thanks, and I hope to live long enough to finish the tale.

searge: "…it's as good as canon to me!" Thanks. I wanted to make some of the 'unwritten' characters the stars of the show, for once.

PrometheusDark: RE: The headbutt. Yeah, I unfortunately had to kind of write Toji a lot more hot-headed than he deserves. He's gone, but not forgotten. RE: Nozomi-chan. She's actually my favorite character to write. Because of how young she is, it's easy to make her ultra-good, as there isn't any duplicity in her spirit yet.

Guest: RE: The story pace. Ok, this is something I should have addressed earlier. The story _is_ the character development. The entire purpose of this piece is Shinji learning to be what he was truly capable of, and the people around him changing as he grows. The external forces, Gentle, Dark, and the mysterious benefactor, are the 'B'-plot. Trope-wise, they're MacGuffins. Plot tokens to move Shinji as needed to provide enough difference from Canon Eva. They do have an ultimate purpose, which is spoiler territory so I won't get into it yet, but they aren't "the story".

Lexarius: "Great work!" Thanks.

Unwanted Empathy: "the end part this chapter felt really rushed" – That was intentional. The 4th Angel, had Shinji known about the A.T. Field, would have been a cakewalk in canon. Making it a difficult fight would have been going against characterization, and would have required either a change to the Angel or an Idiot Ball.

Bcaffera: "Amazing. Really amazing." Thanks. RE: Shinji's issues. Those are where I make my hay here. Shinji has PTSD in the way the ocean has moisture, and the scars he's slowly healing are all the more fulfilling for the time it takes to do so. RE: The mysterious benefactor. Yeah, she's intended to make people angry. She has her goals, and no interest in letting Shinji know them. He'll dance to her tune, or he'll not dance at all.

Guest: "Dammit, I cannot believe it taken me this chapter to realise why Shinobu seemed so familiar. Well played." I honestly can't believe I got away with it as long as I did before someone noticed. _Love Hina_ is the manga/anime I love to hate and hate to love.

Seeking Professional Help: "The story is an enjoyable read." Thanks.

Lazerwolf2000: "Well done and keep it up!" Thanks.

Cenobia Vigantzky: "I always try to at least catch up before reviewing, but I just... I couldn't. I had to stop reading when I saw the first line of "Tsubasa Wo Kudasai" or I was going to break down in tears.

This story has some of the best dialogue and more well-rounded characters I've ever read, and reading Shinji's slow path to recovery has been one of the best times I've spent on this website. The sheer amount of legit life lessons and heartwarming exchanges leaves me overwhelmed.

This is, by far and away, the best "happy" Evangelion story I've ever read, and I'll continue to read it, just as soon as I'm not in danger of immediate tears." Thanks. I chose that song for it's place in Rebuild, and felt that using it in a less…dire(?) place would help give it it's due.

kylesentient: "…I personally think it's one of the best fanfics on the site!" Thanks, considering the quality of the other authors I've enjoyed reading, that's very high praise.

Starfire99: RE: Story pacing. You are absolutely within your rights to state your preferences for story pacing, and I can see where you're coming from. The cutting room floor is littered with the bones of pruned chapters, believe me.

Guest: RE: Horaki family placement. Nozomi and Hikari were in school. Kodama was with Kozo and Toshiro, and was the only trusted medical person at the moment. She came onto the bridge because Ritsuko was away and they needed someone to monitor Shinji's vitals while Maya worked Ritsuko's job.

Guest: "Where is Asuka?!" At that point? The Atlantic Ocean.

Guest: "Very Disturbing with Shinji is Getting Molested." Yep.

Martial Arts Master: "Phew, this has been quite an excellent read so far!" Thanks. RE: Paragraph breaks. Yeah…I'm still learning how to write, something I think is painfully obvious considering how garbage I am at it. I hope it's become easier to read of late, but I'll keep trying. RE: Shinobu Maehara. She's not the only cameo, but I'm glad people noticed her.

Starfire99: RE: Chemical agent canister lady. That's why the two field agents didn't bring her back to the VTOL like Akane wanted. They searched her, found the canister, went "OH HELL NO" and waved them off. Akane didn't have all the information, she's not omniscient, and until later only Kozo and Gendo knew the whole story.

Martial Arts Master: RE: Rei Hino and Nanako Dojima. SMT/Persona are my cocaine. My first entry to Anime was Sailor Moon. I shouldn't admit this, but I have a NGE/Sailor Moon fic in the works with Shinji transported to Sailor Moon reality. It likely won't see the light of day, because I don't think there's an audience for it.

Anthony00: "nice fict" Thanks.

Mugen23: "Love this story. I just wish you would stop trying to push Kodama into the pairing." I'm not pushing anyone anywhere. I'm letting the characters do what they do. As hard as Kodama has pushed, you may have noticed that Shinji's pushing back. Kodama has her reasons for wanting to be with Shinji, just as Shinji has his reasons for not wanting to risk anything now that he's gained exactly what he's always wanted in Hikari.

CynicWolff: RE: Kodama. And this is why I let the characters write the story as much as I do. Because there is no way on this Earth or any other that I can please everyone. If the characters make sense, that's what happens. If they don't? (Think about the girls in his school, and how they tried and failed.) They don't.

Starfire99: RE: Shinji's part in instrumentality. Shinji and Unit-01 were necessary to form the Sephiroth with the MP series, triggering instrumentality. Gendo as the proverbial 'head', the role that SEELE wanted to fill, was Gendo's intent. Shinji was one part of the trigger, with Rei as the primer.

Starfire99: RE: G-forces. Yeah, I had a math oopsie. I fixed it.

Blitzstrahl: RE: Story length. It's going to be long. Quite possibly my absolute favorite fiction on this site clocks in at over 1.2 million words, and I'm that kind of a reader. If you don't like long stories, this may not be your cup of tea, and I apologize for that.

Martial Arts Master: RE: Nozomi. I'll tell you now, I hate having to be consistent with Horaki characterization. I don't like 'hurting' Nozomi-chan.

Blitzstrahl: RE: Timescale. Because the mysterious benefactor didn't want Unit-02 ready yet. There's a reason for the three years, and it isn't fully explained yet for a reason. RE: Shinji + Commission. Fully agree. I wouldn't give him a position in the military, he's a basket case.

JaceSterne: "More! More!" I'm trying, but I need to balance quality, quantity, and earning money to pay for food.

Blitzstrahl: RE: Hikari's mistake. I agree, she would be better served at putting her foot down and staking full claim to Shinji. Unfortunately, she's too nice for her own good. She doesn't want to be her mother, no matter how good it would be for the both of them.

Starfire99: RE: Hints. They're scattered all through the story. Not all of them have been commented on in the reviews, for sure. RE: Cliffhangers. I think it was PT Barnum that said "Always leave them wanting more."

fictionelement777: RE: Action. This…may not be the story for you. The 'action' is secondary to everything else, and I suck at writing it. I'm sticking to my strengths so that I don't suck up the story.

Martial Arts Master: RE: Kodama's prophecy. Close, but not quite. Even Shinji doesn't have it right.

JaceSterne: RE: New Asuka. I hope people like her. Because she still has some heavy surprises in store for everyone.

Starfire99: RE: Asuka. Her story isn't entirely out there yet. She's most definitely not over her mother hanging herself.

BardInTheForest: Hi me. Just letting us know that I hate how this site eats the bloody underlining.

wibn: RE: Asuka being something you feel might become your favorite portrayal. Thanks, I'm trying to keep her compelling without making her a moustache-twirling trope.

searge: RE: Asuka. Thanks. Shinji's memories are just those, and his new reality isn't what he expects it to be. But then again, isn't that true for us in our own reality?

PrometheusDark: "Why can't I shake this feeling of dread?" Because you've been paying attention.

Starfire99: RE: A.T. Field. Not every A.T. Field is the orange hexagons. There's a scene in Eva where Unit-01 deploys her Field and it's just a hazy filter on the screen, kind of a grey miasma. When Kaworu deploys his, it's a form of visual static. They're very inconsistent in NGE, so I had room to work with. RE: Angels speaking to Shinji. Yep, they've been asking him the same question for the past few now. Wonder when he's going to figure that out…. RE: Shinji and Kyoko. Why did Unit-01 smell like Shinji to Rei? There's more to the Evas than just family. RE: Asuka and Kyoko. Asuka's story isn't entirely out there yet. Spoiler, no Spoiling.

Reckless Reggie's Sexy Screams: "how the hell do you even write this much In only 4 months!?" Because I've got a story to tell, and I'm telling it. If you had something you wanted to do badly enough, I encourage you to find the motivation to succeed. You can do it, I believe in you.

Blitzstrahl: RE: Lieutenant Junior Grade. Often, yeah. I'm copying the mode of speech after several of the people I worked with in the military. The range from full rank to "Lieutenant" to "JG" to "Fuckwad" was diverse, and no matter what that poor O-2 wanted, they never got the respect they craved. Also, sadly, nobody's noticed where she came from.

Starfire99: RE: Shinji's arrival in _this_ world. Why indeed? RE: Asuka in the sickbay. Yeah, she didn't want Shinji around because she knew she'd be a bitch. The doctor was engaging HIPPA protections. RE: Everyone accepting Shinji being odd. This is a guy that just saved their lives, they're cutting him some slack. RE: The Embryo. In canon Eva, that's the physical remnants of Adam. The hints are in the story. RE: Kaji's unfortunate lapse in weapon safety. Spoiler, no Spoiling. RE: "a hundred mile no man's land". The Russians were going to nuke the length of the border between Allied forces and the Ultranationalist forces, one hundred miles deep. They wanted nobody marching troops through there as a means to stall for time. They were desperate, and crazy. There are, unfortunately, real world plans for similar acts.

Martial Arts Master: RE: Asuka's behavior. I'm trying, and I'm glad you're finding it to your liking. I _like_ Asuka. I think she's an example of a well-written female character, precisely because she isn't perfect. She has valid reasons for her flaws, valid wants, desires, everything. That people misunderstand her and think she's a psychotic bitch because she's just as broken as Shinji is sad, to me. I wanted to lift her up, while retaining what drew me to her in the first place, you know? That said, she's not what you think she is. RE: Supportive environment over hostile environment. Exactly. That's the theme of this story, and I'm happy that people are picking up on it. "Good job, BardInTheForest! I look forward to more chapters!" Thanks.

+++++ 6th Angel + 1 : Monday (39)

"She's asked for you to give her some distance," Misato stood on the deck with Shinji and Noelle, a place that Shinji had suddenly felt compelled to visit. "She'll be ready, she says, when we disembark."

"If you need to see to her, Misato, I don't mind." He could feel something pulling at him, from nearby the _Rainbow_. "I'm happy to spend time with you, but if she…needs someone…." His voice trailed off as he heard the strains of a new Song begin to echo through his being.

"Shinji?" The lavender-haired captain leaned slightly, trying to catch his eye, "Shinji, what's wrong?"

Unlike the ancient, singular, Song of the Water, this Song seemed to consist of millions of voices flowing into one grand chorus. He'd been hearing the powerful voice of Water since they'd arrived aboard the fleet, though it was subdued by the presence of the duality he'd felt from the embryonic being. Now the solo majesty had…allies. "It's…beautiful." He reached a hand out towards the ocean far below, "They're alive."

"Holy shit," Noelle clapped her hands over her mouth, "there has to be dozens of them!"

Looking towards where Shinji was 'gesturing', Misato saw a cluster of vertical fins slicing through the surface of the water, "Are those…sharks?"

 _So, Lord of Fish,_ the dark whisper seemed soft, _I see you found a way to win._

 _I did._ Watching the oddly playful creatures shift and slide just below the surface he smiled, _I'm sorry._

Her reply was honest, _Don't. I had hoped that you would have come to the decision yourself, not falling victim to it by the machinations of the very malicious pricks you're fighting to save._

The gentle whisper joined the conversation, _In the end, it was inevitable. That he came to it artificially is of no consequence._

 _Gentle,_ Shinji declared her name, _please do not belittle Dark's concerns._ He felt two more pieces slide into place as he named the twin whispers, _I think I understand now why she did what she did. Like a parent that punishes their child for reaching for a hot stove, Dark was just trying to spare me worse pain._

Misato and Noelle began discussing the impossibility of what they were witnessing, somehow ignoring Shinji for the first time since they'd left Tokyo-3.

 _So,_ Dark's tone dripped with amusement, _I have a name now._

 _It only seems right,_ Shinji nodded to the logic. _I'm not human, but I'm not…whatever I've become…not yet. So I don't have to abide by 'the rules' of either. The 'embryo', I absorbed it, right?_

 _You did,_ he felt Gentle wrap her arms around his shoulders, hugging him from behind. _She hadn't meant for you to come into possession of it yet. It's blocking her out, which means that we can speak with you freely for a time._

Shinji thought on the nature of the whisper that had taken residence in Ritsuko, _I know her, don't I? She seems familiar, but it isn't just that I confused her with Dark_.

 _With me?_ Dark scoffed, _No need to be insulting._

 _I'm sorry,_ he apologized easily, _your voice and hers sounded similar until she chose to speak with me recently. She's…enticing. I'm angry with her, furious…but to listen to her speak causes…things._

 _It's her Realm_ , Gentle's hands slid along his chest. _She holds dominion over it, like you with your own._

 _Four and counting,_ Dark exulted. _And this time, you managed to walk out of the fight under your own power._

 _Each Angel, each victory,_ he mused, _I'll drift further and further from what I was. I have to leave them…in the end._

 _That's certainly one choice,_ Dark's voice came from directly before him. A small hand was placed on his sternum, _There are others you could make. Just because this one was stripped from you by_ them _does not mean that you have to forgo all others and become nothing more than a passenger in your life, you know._

 _Would it be so terrible, though?_ Gentle breathed over his shoulder, _You would not lack for camaraderie. We would happily keep you company over the timeless æons._

 _Timeless,_ Shinji scowled, _am I becoming immortal?_

 _Don't you go filling his head with ideas, 'Gentle'._ Dark's touch flung her counterpart from his back, _It's not our place to decide his future._ His chest stung from the impression of a firm pat against it, _Keep your eyes open, Shinji. Take back the control of your own life, or you'll_ really _regret everything in the end._

A pained cry drew him away from his ethereal companions towards the more tangible. Turning, he saw that a sailor had become trapped under a fixed-wing aircraft, the hydraulics supporting the section of the airframe he was working on giving way violently. The man was pinned, more impaled upon closer inspection, by the section of wing that sat folded at an angle to save space aboard the floating city, bleeding significantly from an abdominal wound.

Shinji was only slightly less surprised than the men and women guarding him when he took off at a dead sprint towards the poor mechanic, cries for him to stay clear of the potentially deadly situation doing nothing to deter him. As he approached, he analyzed the situation for the means to assist. A team of sailors worked on what appeared to be the fuel tank, attempting to plug the pressurized geyser of a leak that had been created when the jack had failed, jabbing into the descending plane. Another team was working with no success to get a firm grasp upon the wing that had pinned their comrade, the hydraulic fluid, jet fuel, and sea air mixing to remove any traction their hands might have.

Reaching the scene, Shinji spoke rapidly, not caring if his English was terrible, "You to move, please." Motioning for someone to give him room, he set his feet and gripped the wing, "I lift. You him free. Three count." Seeing enough comprehension in the eyes of the people closest, he switched to Japanese, "One." _Please, let this Song work_. "Two," he began to intone the same song he'd been hearing from the ocean around him, the song that aided him when he needed the hydraulics in the door to unlock his path to Rei. "Three!"

The Song of Water's response was enthusiastic, enabling him to lever upwards an object weighing more than fourteen thousand kilograms on his own. A combination of muscular strength from the Song, his A.T. Field being startled awake, and determination that nobody else would die, filled him. As soon as the wing was clear of the trapped mechanic, the medical response team arrived with a gurney to hurry the poor sailor to surgery.

"Ok, ok," the chief mechanic started pointing to where people would need to place temporary blocks to hold up the jet, "get a move on! The Paladin can't be expected to do our damn jobs forever, get those restraints in place!" His team moved with desperate efficiency, occasionally looking in awe at the man who held a plane up alone. Once everything had been placed where the wing would rest as best it could, the lead responder waved down, "Ok, sir, nice and slow please. I don't want you to drop it on yourself."

Shinji slowly let the wing down, the plane once more settled on two struts and a new series of supports. Once he was certain that it wouldn't move and risk more people, he let go and wiped his hands against each other trying to free them from the various liquids that he'd been exposed to, "He live?" Looking to the crew chief, who was pulling him rapidly away from the area without looking back at the broken bird, he let his desperate hope show, "They him save?"

"He has a far better chance after you pulling that stunt, sir," Maria Ross showed up with a glower, keeping pace with the chief mechanic's efforts to pull Shinji towards the decontamination station. "Do you _want_ to get yourself killed? You're coated in jet fuel!" Turning to Misato, she let her frustrations out, "Do you have _no_ control over him, ma'am?"

"Less than I'd like, JG," Misato admitted with a grimace.

"All right, enough recriminations to go around," Noelle shook her head, "let's get him in the wash."

"VIP first," the mechanic called to the sailors who'd set up the emergency rinsing tent. "Get him through, now."

Contrite confusion followed Shinji as he stepped into the hastily erected tent, "I couldn't just stand back," he stated to anyone willing to listen. "He was in danger."

A very feminine voice, emanating from within MOPP gear, silenced any further discussion, "Cutting." Pulling on his blouse, she used a specially designed pair of shears to carve the uniform he'd been given off of him. "Get those shoes off him."

It wasn't as humiliating as Shinji thought it might once have been, being scrubbed vigorously down to remove the various chemical mixtures he'd been exposed to during his heroism, his constant experience in the plugsuit had dulled his reflexive modesty. But it wasn't an experience he was eager to repeat, either.

+++++ 6th Angel + 1 : Monday (39)

"It is my understanding, Lieutenant Junior Grade," the Admiral sighed, "that he was able to outpace his security detail easily. I am well aware of the high level of physical fitness aboard the _Over the Rainbow_ , I demand nothing short of excellence." The man looked over to where Shinji was receiving instruction, with translation provided by Misato, in how the radar system functioned by the bridge crew, "I appreciate your desire to accept responsibility for the situation, but I feel in this instance it is better that we simply accept what we cannot change."

"He is…enthusiastic," Captain Perry nodded in agreement. "It also seems that both Army Captains agree that any possible fault would lie solely with ' _The Paladin_ '." His stressing of the odd variation on Shinji's callsign that had been adopted widely by the fleet prompted a harrumph from his superior officer, "He'll be something of a Tall Tale, sir. A modern-day legend the crew speaks about for years to come."

"If he lives that long," Maria frowned.

Raffle shrugged, "Look at it from our perspective: if he dies, we're pretty much dead not long after."

Captain Perry raised his eyebrow, a slight show of concern, "I thought bringing the German brat was intended to address that potential?"

"An unproven weapons system is as dangerous to friendly forces as it is to the enemy," the Admiral's statement had the air of a quote about it. "We brought a chance. No more, no less."

Shinji made a statement which prompted laughter from the junior officer offering the lesson, drawing everyone's eyes towards the sudden levity. When the four officers noted that Shinji had a small smile on his face, they all relaxed as one.

"JG," Admiral Drake began quietly, "we'll keep him here on the bridge, for now. He's not a distraction, unlike others. Perhaps we may even convince him to pursue a military career in the future."

"He'll make a great pilot," Raffle stated confidently. "The Army will be the better for his presence."

"I'm certain his time aboard the _Rainbow_ has shown him the benefits of a Naval career," Captain Perry sallied amicably.

"With a build like that," the Admiral shook his head, "he would be wasted in the air."

"It is my duty to remind the Admiral that UNN has prohibited the promotion of inter-service rivalries," Maria formally intoned. "As I'm certain he is aware."

"Quite so, JG, quite so." The man looked back to Raffle, "Perhaps he'll surprise us both, join the Marine Corps."

"I will test the limits of his hair regeneration if he does that," Noelle glared at the back of Shinji's head. "Complete waste of brains."

Sensing the danger behind him, Shinji turned and blinked in confusion at the glower on his wingman's face.

"Pay attention to the lessons, Paladin," she snapped. "Stop wasting the Lieutenant's time!" She grinned when his head whipped back over to face his instructor, attentiveness written all over his features, "He's a good egg."

+++++ 6th Angel + 1 : Monday (39)

The sun had set well before they reached their destination, the other ships forming a protective ring around the _Othello_ and the _Over the Rainbow_ while they docked in their assigned berths. Shinji had waited quietly, as asked, near the Admiral while the crew demonstrated the pride they held in their craft. Once they had been tugged securely into place, the shore crew placing a large scaffold in place for the sailors aboard to disembark, the senior-most officer faced his second, accepting a salute, "The bridge is yours, Captain. I will personally see our guests to General Benoit. I understand he is eager to have them home."

"I have the bridge," Captain Perry replied simply, dropping his salute. Turning to face Shinji, he extended his hand, "It was an honor and a privilege to have you aboard, Mister Ikari. Should you ever need off-shore firepower, ask for the Fighting First. We'll stand with you any chance we get."

"Thank you, sir," Shinji accepted the handshake with a tight smile. He was eager to be home, to see how Hikari was doing, but refused to act rude in the face of their gratitude and generosity. "I am grateful for your willingness to accept a stranger into your home."

Admiral Drake gestured towards the hatch, letting Shinji take the lead, "Let's be off, son. You have a fiancée to see."

Hurrying down the ladderwell, Shinji waited at the exterior hatch with Noelle, "I wanted to thank you as well, sir. Even as little as I could be told, knowing that Hikari-san was still alive…helped." Meeting up with Misato and Asuka at the scaffold leading down to the shore, Shinji bowed politely in greeting to his fellow pilot, "Good evening, Asuka. I…am glad to see you." He switched what he had intended to say at the last moment, noticing a marked improvement in her mood as he changed course.

"I'm glad to see you too, Shinji." Grinning, she looked to the Admiral, "So, I bet you're glad to finally get me off your boat."

Amusement, instead of ire, filled his features, "Quite, Miss Soryu. The Bridge may once again be a place of serious business, with you safely marooned on an island."

As he reached the ground, Shinji felt the assault begin before he heard the battlecry. Bracing himself on one knee he spread his arms in anticipation of total defeat.

"Nii-saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!" Nozomi chugged with all of the force her tiny frame could produce, colliding with the man she lived with at a dead run. Whooping with joy as she was lifted free of the ground, she latched onto his shoulder reflexively as he set her on his hip, "I missed you, nii-san. What took so long?"

Asuka held back slightly as Shinji, escorted by the Admiral, carried his new burden towards General Benoit and Idunn, "Nii-san?" She looked at Misato, who stood with a look of sorrow on her face, "I thought he was an only child?"

"He is," Misato answered quickly. "I told you there is far more to the story than you've been given, Asuka. That little girl there latched onto him after her father died. She's Hikari Horaki's younger sister, Nozomi."

"Dead dad." She looked towards where Shinji was providing introductions, "Huh."

"I know it's nothing special, to us," Misato looked over, treating the Second Child as the adult she preferred to be seen as, "but she's much, _much_ , younger. And her dad actually loved her."

"No, no," Asuka shook her head. "I get it. He's just being the kind of man I've pegged him for. Don't worry, I can handle it."

"Make sure you do," Misato stated warningly. "She's a good kid, and I'd hate to have to punish you for hurting unit cohesion."

Asuka rolled her eyes, starting towards the impromptu gathering, "I told you, Misato. I'm trying to be a better person."

"You _what_ _?!_ " Idunn's surprisingly unprofessional cry brought a wince to Misato's features.

"That, however," the violet haired beauty groaned, "is going to be a problem."

"Not right now, please," Shinji stated in surprisingly good English. "Little ears."

"Hey kiddo!" Misato jogged the last few steps to where Shinji held his housemate, "Can I get a hug?"

"Uhm," Nozomi looked between Idunn, who had embarrassment slathered over her features, and Shinji.

"Here," Shinji leaned towards Misato, "I need to help Asuka-san with introductions. Why don't you and Misato-san talk about the _sharks_ we saw? There was a whole bunch of them, and she says they're really rare anymore."

"Sharks?" Nozomi perked up, turning towards the Tactical Commander, "You saw real live sharks?"

"Sure did," Misato's face split into a grin, "c'mere." Holding her arms out, she took possession of the tiny package, "You see, there were dozens of them and…." She walked rapidly enough away, carrying Nozomi as Shinji had, that it appeared she had a destination in mind, but not so rapidly that she made it obvious she was removing Nozomi from the board.

"Agent," the General looked askance at his subordinate, "I haven't seen you make an error that egregious in a very, very, long time."

"I apologize," the tall redhead bowed to Shinji. "That was decidedly unprofessional of me. I have no excuses."

"It's fine," Shinji sighed. "If the incident with the plane was the worst of it…."

Admiral Drake shook his head, "Son, I'm making an official statement here. You have done nothing worthy of condemnation. Your actions saved the fleet. I'm petitioning for you to be awarded some form of meritorious commendation. If you were under my command, I'd put you in for a damn Navy Cross."

"I agree, Shinji," General Benoit gestured to Noelle, "as does your wingman, I see."

"While I'd love to do nothing more, sir, then beat him about the head and shoulders until he recognizes that he accomplished something great...that wasn't all that happened." Looking back around Shinji to see that Nozomi was out of hearing, she leaned in with a look of contrition and gently whispered, "He also scored a few human EKIAs. We were ambushed coming aboard the _Othello_ , and he…acquitted himself honorably while under direct and effective enemy fire." She switched to the euphemistic parlance common of award presentations, expecting the military people to understand she was trying to be gentle with her good friend.

"You…you," Idunn glared at Noelle, then looked stricken back at Shinji, "you and I are going now." Turning to her boss, she left no room for debate, "I'm taking him to see Hikari, _sir_. I trust that you will be properly emphatic in decrying the lack of security for _my principle_?"

The Frenchman's face was set in a mask of iron, "Permission granted. Shinji, kindly leave room free tomorrow afternoon. I'll need to debrief you with your Commander."

Asuka watched as several shadows moved to keep an attentive distance from Shinji as he walked with the tall Norwegian to pick up the little girl she'd heard named 'Wish'. Taking note of the extreme level of security, she frowned and entered the conversation without preamble, "Am I going to have to deal with goons watching my every move?"

"You will be given a contingent of Section Two security, Miss Soryu," General Benoit stated politely. "Your movements will not be constrained more than necessary to ensure your safety."

Misato's chastened return prompted the fiery pilot to smirk, "I see you've lost your touch." Looking to where Shinji carried Nozomi, Idunn hovering protectively near him, she looked back to catch Misato's icy stare, her smirk dying slowly.

"I earned what she's going to do to me, Asuka-chan," Misato declared angrily. "I promised to keep him safe, and I failed. That he is _physically_ fine is not the point. Unlike you, he hasn't had mental health appointments whenever life becomes too much. Unlike you, he wasn't raised to believe that a marital solution is a valid solution. Unlike you, he didn't have professional tutors to teach him how to better himself. Unlike you, he was raised by a man unrelated to him that beat him for every missed mark on a test." Stepping so that she seemingly towered over her new charge, despite the minimal height difference, she dropped the last bomb, "Unlike you, he has blood on his hands. Now, you are to report in to my office at oh-five-hundred tomorrow. You will be assigned a tutor who will drill written Japanese into you while we prepare Unit-02 for activation tests. Agent Kazekawa will take you to your quarters. Dismissed." Her orders given, she turned back to the two flag officers, ignoring a fuming Asuka.

+++++ 6th Angel + 1 : Monday (39)

"We're all glad you're home, Shinji," Idunn chose to sit in the front seat as they travelled to NERV and the room Hikari occupied, giving Nozomi the chance to curl around Shinji's arm in the back of the car. "Nozomi was _super_ helpful, though. She helped Jake and Nicolette search for a new house, giving them a better perspective from a lower point of view."

"Lots of stairs, nii-san," Nozomi chirped, "none of the houses had stairs that were easy to climb. It was like going to the new middle school for 'Move Up Day', they just don't think about us short people!"

"Your little sister was wonderfully polite, sir," the driver added her thoughts. "When I went to pick her up from class this afternoon, she waited just like she was asked, just where she was asked. Not once complaining, despite the inconvenience."

"It's ok, Nicolette-san," Nozomi shook her head, "I appreciate all of the trips you and your friends give me up to see Sakura-chan. If it makes it easier for me to stay inside the building, then it's the least I can do to pay you back for your help."

"Thank you, Nozomi-chan," Shinji squeezed her hand. "Knowing that I can trust you to do what they ask makes my heart rest easier."

"As a treat," Nicolette stated slyly, "I was going to take her to an all-night diner for ice cream, on the way home after dropping you off at NERV." She looked in the rear-view mirror after stopping at a red light, "If her nii-san approves, that is. It _is_ a school night."

"Ice cream?!" Nozomi nearly vibrated through her seatbelt, gazing up at him with puppy-eyes, "Can I, nii-san? Can I, can I?"

Understanding that the agent was trying to give him a chance to talk with Idunn, and to see Hikari without having to be strong for Nozomi, Shinji made a note to ask for her to be given a raise of some form. "So long as you behave," he kept his tone as stern as he could while staring into the adorable abyss to his side, "I don't want to hear that you stayed up too late and were slow to wake for classes tomorrow."

"I promise!" Clenching her tiny fists, she bounced even more rapidly, "Yay! Nii-san's back and I get ice cream! Best day ever!"

The rest of the ride to NERV was filled with a high-speed narration of everything Nozomi had learned from her classwork, including the fact that her teachers had commented how proud they were of her for studying hard. It impressed him immensely that the littlest Horaki was able to maintain her bubbly personality despite the constant assault of life-altering events, and as he listened attentively he made certain to hold onto a smile he didn't feel, hoping it didn't show in his eyes.

"We're here," Idunn broke into Nozomi's explanation about the difference between a fish and a dolphin, "you make sure to listen to Jake and Nicolette, now."

"Hai!" Nozomi hugged Shinji tight, speaking in a low whisper, "Thank you for coming back, nii-san. When the monster ate you, you didn't give up. Don't let the monster win, it can only win if you give up." Sitting back, she had a far-too serious look on her face, "I know you won't give up…I need my nii-san."

 _Eaten? I wasn't eaten,_ his brow furrowed slightly as he thought through the encounter. _She must not have meant the Sixth Angel, then. What is she talking about?_ Rubbing his hand on her head, Shinji nodded, "Can't abandon my imōto, that's not what big brothers do, right?"

"Hey," Jake held his door open, "hands off my date." Grinning easily, he nodded in greeting to Shinji, "Good to see you back in one piece, sir."

"Have her home by ten," Shinji said standing with a firm look. "And I'd better not hear about mixing pistachio and chocolate ice cream." Holding his frown for a second, he hoped that his attempt at a joke went over well. The people here had done their job, and they constantly tried to get him to 'play' in the same manner as Misato and Noelle.

"Yes sir," Jake nodded earnestly, a playful sparkle in his eyes. "You won't hear about any unsavory flavor combinations, I promise." Shifting his body so that he could move around Shinji and seat himself next to Nozomi, the agreeable agent was heard to say before closing the door, "Hey kiddo. I hear we're going to be treated by Nicolette to something sweet, good job!"

Shinji stepped back to allow the car to pull off, the smile fading from his lips as the vehicle rounded the corner. _She's starting to see things. What do I do?_ A light touch to his shoulder startled him, causing him to step further away from Idunn, "S-sorry."

"Stop," Idunn held her hand up, stepping closer. "Listen," lowering her voice, she spoke softly enough that she wouldn't be overheard, "I'll be in the debriefing tomorrow, so you don't need to go into details. I brought you here because I know by now that you won't relax until you see Hikari, no matter what I say her condition is." Tilting her head, her hair shifted, the bright red catching the light behind her, "She doesn't need you to be an unyielding pillar of strength, ok? Both of you are going through traumas, and both of you deserve support. Just…keep that in mind, ok?" Her hand firmed on his arm, "There are people that are here for you, both of you."

"I'm fine," the reflexive statement followed his eyes falling to the ground. "Can we go see Hikari, now?"

"Yeah," his bodyguard sighed. "Yeah, let's go."

Shinji said nothing more on the walk to Hikari's hospital room, despite attempted conversation prompts by the woman at his side. _Anything I say is going to get someone into trouble. They'll be blamed because people are coming after me. If I tell them not to blame Misato and Noelle, they'll just take that as proof. This is…._ He mentally chuckled as he thought the same curse the irascible blonde pilot used repeatedly, _This is horse shit._

"Shinji," Kodama's voice drew his eyes from the floor, his eldest housemate hurrying down the hall towards him, "you're home!"

Shifting his weight reflexively, he braced for her to hug him in a way that wouldn't allow her to hurt herself. Accepting her embrace, he kept his hands on her shoulders, "It was only a few days." _I need to be better._ He carefully phrased his greeting to avoid any signals that he didn't want to send, "How are you doing?"

"Better, now," she breathed into his shirt. "Sis is asleep," she leaned back, wiping the tears from her eyes with a thumb, "I heard you were on your way, and waited outside the room. I wanted to prep you for…what you're going to see."

Shinji saw the irritation on Idunn's face, the dislike for the eldest Horaki evident. _She's still mad about her blow-up the other day._ Closing his eyes, Shinji searched for a center. _I don't care what she says, I need to be strong. I need to be what Hikari needs._

He felt Kodama's fingers take his wrist and press lightly against his artery, "Shinji, what's wrong?" Her concern evident, she performed a rapid assessment, "Did you not get any sleep?" Her voice shifted, aimed towards Idunn, "Did something happen to him?"

"I'm fine," opening his eyes, he gently disengaged himself from her touch. "I just…I needed to focus." Looking towards the only room with a pair of guards standing outside of it, he pushed his emotions back under the surface. It was difficult, he'd become accustomed to letting them show as he struggled to act like a human was supposed to, but he managed as he recalled his time in Misato's care. "How is she?"

"Bandaged," Kodama sounded as taken aback as she looked. "She has more tubes than when you left, too. Shinji, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," he felt everything drain away. He was, once again, the same young boy that skated past everything with his music in his ears all day, "I'm going to go see her now." Sidestepping Kodama, he moved towards the room. _Bandages, tubes…. She's alive. That's all that matters. I didn't kill_ her _too._

"Welcome back, sir," the dead-eyed agent nodded in greeting to Shinji as he approached. Opening the door, she whispered as he passed, "Careful. It becomes addictive."

 _I know that far too well._ Not wanting to be drawn into another conversation, he returned her gesture and moved into the room. As he approached Hikari, he wished that his pain followed his emotions.

Laying still, her right eye closed, her left covered in bandages, Hikari appeared far more frail than he'd ever seen her. Typically so full of life, even when just sitting still studying, that he saw her as she was now seemed almost profane. Tracing out the numerous tubes protruding from her flesh, he made notes of the names of the liquids within for later checking. Her catheter bag was only a quarter full, and thankfully free of blood or any other substance that had filled more than one of the bags that had been attached to him.

Dropping down to one knee by the bedside, he carefully placed three fingers in her hand, avoiding the pulse-blood oxygen monitor clip. Experience told him that disturbing that device caused a great deal of noise as it warned everyone that the patient's heart may have stopped. _You're alive._ She felt cold, distant. _I'm so sorry, Hikari. I'm so, so sorry._

Her hand slowly closed around his fingers, her one eye drifting open. As the hazel orb focused, visibly, her smile grew. The chill he'd felt banished under the warm light of her joy at seeing him. A few slow blinks preceded her struggling to move her left arm to join her right, her desire to clasp onto him obvious.

Standing quickly, he delicately lifted her right hand to join her left, giving her full access to his hand, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you." _How do I leave you?_

Her smile didn't dim as her head haltingly shook a negative. The fingers of her left hand stroked along his wrist, a gesture that seemed to take a great deal of physical effort. A slow blink shifted her gaze to her sister, who had taken a position at the foot of the bed, her smile finally dying. There was a grim set to her jaw that worried Shinji the longer it stayed in place.

"Hikari?" Not wanting to loom over her, he hooked a toe on a nearby rolling stool and brought it over to sit down upon, "Hikari, what's wrong?"

"The test results haven't come back yet," Kodama stated calmly. "I wish I could tell you, sis, but I don't have a way to accelerate the process."

"Test?" Shinji frowned, "What test?"

"Cancer," Hikari's voice was raw. It was painfully obvious from listening to her that she'd had more than one inorganic tube installed in her throat for the surgeries, and the organic pipe was displeased with that fact. "Doctor didn't say."

"She couldn't say," Kodama corrected gently. "It's not something that's typically visually identifiable, no matter how highly trained or skilled the surgeon is. I promise, sis, they'll let you know as soon as they know. These are good people, and they care."

"It's out of her, though," Shinji turned to press Kodama for facts. "Whatever it was, it's gone now, right?"

"That's not how it works," Kodama shook her head. "The doctor cut out what she could find, and whatever she felt appropriate besides. But…even one cell left behind can start the process over again. Anything at all could grow deeper, where surgery wouldn't be effective."

"Ko-Ko," Hikari began to cough harshly, the chiding tone in her voice too much for her abused throat to take.

Shinji whipped back to facing his girlfriend, feeling helpless as he realized there was nothing he could do to improve her situation. His frustration built, his left hand twitching in mute desire to do anything but hang there uselessly, his right remaining steady in Hikari's grasp. "It's…ok, Hikari." _Lie your ass off you hopeless fuck._ "Kodama-s…Kodama is just telling me the worst-case scenario. She knows I'm a worrier, and she's stopping me from inventing even worse things from thin air," he looked back to his elder housemate, "right?"

"…Yeah," Kodama nodded, understanding quick in arriving. "Just want to stop him from winding himself up. If he knows the worst that could happen, he can focus on what will actually happen instead."

"I wish," a cough interrupted her, "I wish you could stay." Hikari's smile returned, a sad, pale, echo of her typical luminous beam, "But you have school tomorrow. You need your rest."

Whatever dark magic kept Shinji's jaw from dropping likely cost him what little soul he had left, "School?"

"It's been a while since we went," Hikari swallowed a few times, trying to wet her throat, "you have to go in. Both of us have been out for too long, the class is probably in shambles." He could see her fatigue grow, her eyes drooping as she used what little energy she had to press him into service, "We have a duty, Shinji. An obligation. I can't be there, but you can."

 _You're kidding me._ He looked down at his knees, not willing to trust that his face wasn't screaming in disbelief, _You have got to be abso-fucking-lutely joking. It's happened._ _I finally understand exactly how Asuka felt. I'm someone who kills Angels. I've killed_ humans _, and I'm being asked to walk into a classroom and pretend that anything they say has any relevance to my life._ _Hikari is laying here in a hospital bed…. Toji._ The memory of Toji sitting in the classroom keeping his antics up while his sister lay in the hospital brought Shinji's head back up to face his love, "As you wish."

"Thank you, Shinji," Hikari's eyes drifted shut. "I love…you." Her grip grew slack, and her breathing deepened as she drifted back into the land of pharmaceutically-aided slumber.

Standing up, Shinji delicately rearranged her hands to a more natural position. _I can't stay._ Facing Kodama with an expression full of thunder, he sorted through the thousands of thoughts crowding his mind and found none that he felt safe sharing when and where they were. _I can't leave them._ "Keep her safe." Turning on his heel, he stalked out of the room without another word.

"Hey," Idunn called after him from her position in the hall as he turned left to leave the area, "hey, hey!"

Shinji made it to the end of the hallway before he felt her grasp his arm in an effort to slow him. _Keeping me safe? Hardly._ Pulling firmly away, he kept his pace up with a warning growl. Moving at well over twice the pace he'd set walking to see his girlfriend, he was in the parking garage in under a minute. _What would you have done, Idunn? You would have been shot. Killed._ Striding past Akane, who stood by the car Idunn had ordered brought around to take him wherever he hoped to go, he took three more steps and threw a punch against a support column that sent cracks spider-webbing radiating outwards from the point of impact. _EVERYONE AROUND ME IS GOING TO DIE!_

An inarticulate roar of frustrated impotence shattered the calm of the half-dozen agents that had assembled with increasingly dim hopes of stopping what they had seen to be a singularly unstoppable force of nature. While panic hadn't set in, training dictated their reflexive motions towards the various weapons they carried to incapacitate subjects as non-lethally as possible. Most of them, however, doubted they could stop the near to two-meter tall pilot regardless of the presence of their tools. A second punch against the column, creating a massive gash, snuffed even those faint hopes.

"Hold my jacket," Maya, appearing from behind Idunn, tossed her pink windbreaker to the woman. "Hey!" Stepping between Shinji and the pillar that had borne the brunt of his rage, ignoring several commanding barks to stay clear, she shoved against him. The motion, while physically ineffective, produced the intended mental result. It made him focus entirely on her, "Talk to me, Shinji. What happened?"

The sight of a hulking, enraged, madman raising his hands to neck height would likely have triggered a defensive reaction from most everyone present. Maya's unflinching faith was rewarded when his paws fell on her shoulders, his grip gentle enough to cradle a newborn hatchling.

She pressed him gently, "Can we talk about it here?" Picking up his hand, she cupped it to her cheek, "This is me, Shinji. I _understand_. Do we need to go somewhere else?"

His face retained nothing of the mild-mannered man they all had come to admire. His eyes were wide and wild, his mouth opening and closing in an effort to articulate something, anything. " _Hurt_." The chaos swarming in his mind tossed images of the people he cared for dying, just as the Sergeant aboard the _Othello_ had, just as the countless sailors consigned to the ocean's depths had. "Can't…stop…."

Maya made a soothing motion, "We'll go to your home. There aren't any cameras there, now. You can tell me everything." Taking his hand from her cheek, she nodded in understanding, "Let's go, big guy." Slowly working him towards Akane, she kept in constant physical contact with him at all times. "His house," she ordered the woman politely.

"Right away," the one Agent present most familiar with the young man hiding behind the massive avatar of wrath had retained her composure during the entire event. Holding the door open, she smiled in commiseration, "Mind your head, now." She knew, just as Maya did, that Shinji would never harm those close to him. He chose the pillar because it wouldn't die. He'd reached the end of his tether, and still refused to hurt anyone who didn't try to hurt others.

Stepping clear so that Akane could close the door, Maya walked around the car to Idunn, yanking her jacket free, "You don't understand him half as well as you'd like, you try to treat him as if he were any average teenage boy." Glaring at the taller woman, she pointed at her with a righteous fire burning in her gut, "You think this is something that you can just defend against? That you can just shelter him from the world, and expect everything to be fine and dandy? Do your job, protect the Horaki family, stop trying to do our job. He doesn't trust you." Dropping her hand, she levelled the final blow, "Nor should he." Walking over to the passenger's side of the vehicle, she climbed in and began the work of soothing the young man who'd been allowed to wallow in darkness for far too long.

Idunn's face fell, frustration and sadness mixing painfully as she watched Shinji be driven away. "But why?"


	45. Chapter 45

+++++ 6th Angel + 1 : Monday (40)

Maya walked the man she had deeply conflicted feelings over into the Horaki home, the car ride home spent reassuring him that everyone was fine. The diminutive former Bridge Bunny appreciated that Akane kept her silence and focused on driving, her confidence that the agent was firmly in Shinji's camp growing as the woman whispered that she'd guard the door to the house before closing it firmly behind the pair. Moving the emotionally ruined pilot to the dining room table, she urged him into the seat at the head of the table, "Sit. I'll be right back after I get some water heated. We'll have tea, we'll talk."

Once she was certain he'd stay put, she hurried into the kitchen and was grateful that Shinji was the kind of manically organized man he was. Everything was in the perfect place, his organization system adhered to even in his brief absence, and she had it all in motion in no time flat. _Ok_ , looking at the counter, she took a deep breath and steadied herself. _He's broken. We know he's broken. But he's not_ shattered. _Just have to help him pull it all back together. You can do this, Ibuki. He's been there for everyone else. Time for you to be there for him._

The low beep of the electric heater set her into a flurry of motion again, grabbing everything she'd need to serve him something calming and heading back to the table, "I hope you're okay with lemon chamomile. Because I'm going to pour it down your throat if it's the last thing I do." She kept a pleasant smile on her face, trying to set a jocular tone for whatever he had to say. _He's too serious. If I don't keep him calm, I can at least keep him laughing._

Shinji's eyes never left a vague point somewhere through the surface before him. He sat exactly where she'd left him, his hands braced flat against the well-tended wood, his elbows bent as if he were either just sitting down or about to stand up. The rise and fall of his broad chest as he breathed mechanically was the only indication that there was any life to him at all.

"Shinji," pouring out a large mug for him, Maya set it between his hands on a coaster and then picked his hands up to curl them around it, "drink." The way that she was able to move him, as if he were a posable action figure, dug at her heart. _He's locked up. Or he's thinking deeply. I need to do something._ "Shinji? We're creeping closer to me finding a funnel in your kitchen and refueling you like a car."

The first statement he chose to utter since informing her that he couldn't stop himself would have hurt more, had it not been stated in an emotionally dead monotone, "You're not my Maya."

Misunderstanding his sentence, believing he had misspoken instead of saying what he had truly meant, she smiled gently, "I'm not?" Picking his hands up, she pushed them and the mug to his lips, "I think I'm Maya. Cogito, ergo sum." Tipping the cup, she shifted one hand to the back of his head to stroke his hair, "I understand that it can be difficult to conceptualize other people at times, especially when we doubt our own existence, but I promise you I'm as real as you are."

When he opened his mouth to respond, the barrier preventing the liquid from pouring freely from the mug broke. Unfortunately, Shinji's mind wasn't prepared for 'drinking', and the bulk of the tea went down the front of the uniform blouse he still wore. No motion was made to protect himself, the only response was a weak swallow to remove anything that had made it to the back of his throat.

"Ah, crabapples," snatching the mug from his hands, she tore a cloth napkin from the table and dabbed at his face and neck. "Shinji, sweetie, you've got to work with me here." _Putting him in a uniform. What the hell was Misato thinking?_ Frowning slightly, she began to unbutton his shirt, "Let's get you out of this. You look ridiculous."

Shinji's hand reached up and gripped her own, bringing her actions to an unceremonious halt, "You're not _my_ Maya Ibuki." His eyes finally moved, locking onto hers, "She's dead. They're all dead." His face shuddered as if he'd been hit with a cattleprod, "I killed them. I ran away, they all died because I ran."

"Well, for a corpse I'm doing a rather decent job of making a mess of Hikari's dining room," Maya joked. "Shinji, I'm right here. I'm not a figment of your imagination. If I were…." She looked around, trying to think of a way she could convince him of her presence, "Oh! If I were fake, I couldn't tell you something you didn't already know. Something that could be proven true with a simple phone call."

His eyes focused, an immense pain floating in the two-toned orbs, "Maya…I can't do this. I don't know what to do, and everything that I do ends up causing things to go from bad to worse. I can't talk to Hikari about anything, she's going to die because I-"

"Whoa, whoa," taking his face in her hands, Maya shook her head severely, "no. No, Shinji nothing you did caused her to have that odd cranial mass. You _saved_ her by forcing the issue! You can't take that on yourself, sweetie. That's-"

" _STOP!_ " Shinji's roar shattered the last of his reverie, "You don't know me, Maya. I'm not the man you think I am."

Maya scowled, unwilling to allow him to push her away when he needed her most, "I think I do know you, Shinji." Tapping his chest with a finger, she glared at him intently, "You are the son of a horrible man, someone who has taken the sins of his father and carried them with dignity. You are the Third Child, the pilot of Unit-01 who has defeated four Angels to save mankind." Lifting her chin slightly, she decided that if she wanted truth from him, she had to give it in return, "You are Shinji Ikari…the first man I've ever known that has actually managed to not only draw my attention but my interest." Sniffing in irritation, she jabbed him again, "So unless you're a shapeshifting alien, I think you're exactly who I think you are."

He barked a short laugh, "I'm a time traveler, not a shapeshifter."

Thinking him making a joke, she smiled and ran with it, "And you chose to come here? Is the food that much better?"

Far more prepared for the conversation now than he had been when he'd tried to convince Hikari to leave him, Shinji's face resumed its blank state, "The next Angel is capable of spawning a twin. Asuka charged in recklessly and split it in half with her sonic glaive, creating a clone of the Seventh. They beat her senseless and planted her upside-down in the ground near the valley." Snorting, he looked away, "I didn't fare much better. They flanked me and cut my umbilical before I could react, because I was still struggling against piloting at all, let alone actually bothering to learn how to fight."

Maya sought his face for the typical lying tells, her worry rising as she found none.

"The Eighth is inside Mount Asama. Asuka gets sent down into the volcano when someone gets the bright idea to try and capture the Alien before it reaches maturity." He sighed, "She almost died. The D-Type equipment was useless for fighting the Angel when it hatched, and she had to sacrifice her tether to pump the liquid coolant directly into the Angel's mouth to kill it with thermal contraction. I dove into the volcano in Unit-01 and grabbed her before the coolant pipes tethering her to the surface tore completely through." Rubbing his shoulder, he winced, "It hurt. A lot." Shaking his head, "I can tell you about every Angel up to the Fourteenth, if it will convince you. I could tell you about how Ritsuko-san beat the Eleventh, or how…Toji-san was crippled for life when the Thirteenth took over Unit-03. I could tell you about how you barely interacted with us, or how Asuka made my living with Misato-san miserable. How my father ignored me. How nothing I ever did was good enough." He grimaced, "I could tell you how Mister Kaji and Misato-san got back together, kind of…or how Hikari and Toji-san never figured out how to get together in the first place." His eyes dropped back to the table, "Everything that's changed…it all started because I…because I wanted to save everyone."

"You're not lying," her eyes finished searching for any of the signs she'd grown very familiar with and found nothing. "Oh, sweet spirits…you're not lying." _He came back to try and save everyone. He's done all of this before, and he's come back to face it all again! That's how he's managed to know just how to speak to everyone. It's not that he's a savant…he's known us for some time._ She wrapped her arms around his head, pulling him against her chest and clutching him close, "Shinji…when? When did you come back?" The cold dampness of the tea soaked into her shirt quickly, causing her to shiver slightly, "Talk to me. How long have you been holding this in?!"

"Y-you're not listening," Shinji's hands convulsed as the twin impulses of latching onto the woman holding him and pushing her away to save her fought for supremacy, "th-this is all my fault!"

"No," Maya stated firmly. "You were sent back in time without even a basic understanding of causality, Shinji. I know this because I _taught you the concept_." Leaning back to look him in the eyes, she let her empathy shine through, "There is no way you could have possibly been prepared to navigate everything and not cause changes. Even if you had another two decades of experience, you'd still be one simple act away from sending everything careening off from what you knew." Placing her thumbs under his eyes, she rubbed small circles, "Even changing how you beat an Angel would be enough to change how we reacted. If you used some sort of super-powered sniper rifle to beat the Fifth Angel, we'd have spent our time doing a BDA on that instead of that insane cavitation attack you used."

"I…did." Shinji stopped fighting, clasping her close, "I used a positron sniper rifle. Rei shielded me with the bottom of a space shuttle, she almost died choking on a jellified chunk of LCL from being in the Angel's beam for ten seconds. Misato-san planned it all out, and we used the entire nation's energy output. I caused…I caused a blackout for the entire nation. People, uhm…. Misato-san never told me, but I'm not stupid. People had to have died. Traffic accidents outside of the evacuation zone, or interruptions to hospital generators…her plan killed people. I killed people…." His hands clenched, "M-Maya…I killed people."

"Shhh, shhh," _He's travelled in time. Spirits, I'm going to have to completely reassess what I know of Special Relativity._ Soothing him, she felt him begin to sob into her shirt, _What have you seen, Shinji? We've watched four…and I'm crying myself to sleep at night. You've seen at least three times that? Then some twice over?_ "It'll be all right, Shinji. You're going to be fine. Nobody that remained behind is your responsibility."

"N-no," he choked out. "A-aboard the F-Fleet…I killed three men. Th-they shot Asuka, they were trying to kill us…I stopped…I stopped thinking, and I just _acted_. I couldn't stop myself. I was…I was _pissed off_. This Asuka…she was n-nice to me. She asked about Hikari. Sh-she smiled at me. The…my Asuka constantly called me a pervert, hit me…demanded I do her chores."

 _Ok. Guilt makes this make more sense._ "They shot at you, Shinji. When that happens, killing them is self-defense. You defended yourself, you defended someone under your command." _Of course he's shutting down, he's not processing any of this. All of this is just smacking him around without any break._ "That doesn't make it _good_ , it doesn't make it _bad_ ," she gave up on trying to get her legs to not shake at the awkward angle she stood at and sat down astride his lap. From her new angle, she smiled up at him, "It's just necessary. If I were there, I would have…I would have hesitated. I can't do it, Shinji. Not like you did."

"Y-you're trained though," he frowned through eyes clouded by tears, "aren't you?"

"That doesn't mean I'm capable," she laughed. "Shinji, you showed an ability I just don't have. You fought to protect people. I've never even aimed a weapon at a living creature, let alone a human being." She gently worked his shirt open, _Spirits he is stupidly sexy,_ "They say you don't know what you're capable of until you're in the situation, and I believe it. If I had to bet money, I'd never have pegged you as someone able to kill another human." She shrugged, _Travelled through time. And now it makes sense why he's fought against dating Hikari. If the Hikari from his world was with Toji, it's a deviation._ "But I'm glad you came back to us alive." Tilting her head to the side, she considered him, _I'm not just attracted to him. I've actually fallen for him._ "I'm not glad you had to kill. I'm not glad you're going to suffer for the sins of others." _Ahhhh...crabapples,_ "But I'd be miserable in a world without Shinji Ikari in it."

"It was…easy," Shinji admitted with a twitch in his eye. "I...uhm, I'm a…I'm…." Standing, he chose to demonstrate his point instead of attempting to describe it.

One quick lift later, Maya found herself perched on his forearm, the limb bent at an angle that shouldn't have allowed a professional weightlifter to hold someone of even her little mass. He wasn't trembling, or straining, and she could have sat there for an eternity if she so desired. _How does he not hurt people all the time? If he's strong enough for this, he should be crushing people each time he touches them._ "You're very strong." Crossing her legs daintily, she let her hands cup in her lap, "I would wager that they stood little chance against you, hand to hand."

A look of confusion crossed his face, "Y-you're not…."

"Afraid?" Maya smiled sadly, "Why would I be afraid, Shinji? You're the first man I've felt safe at the mercy of since my father. You'd never intentionally hurt me, ever."

Blushing, he turned away.

"What's wrong?" She felt a twinge of regret as he slowly lowered her to the ground, "Shinji, you're blushing?"

He gestured timidly to her torso, "Y-your shirt."

Looking down she realized that her favorite white t-shirt, with the faded picture of a cartoon kitten on it, had soaked in a great deal of the tea and tears. Also, that her bra was still in her bag after her workout. _Well._ _Craaaaaaaaaaaaaaaabapples._ Her body remained inert, "I should probably be squealing and covering myself. But…I honestly don't care." Shrugging, she looked back up and lightly brought his head around to look at her, "Shinji, I've seen all of you. I'm not worried about you 'leering' or 'perving'." _In fact…._ "You know what, I think it's time we took a shower together again. I sometimes sit in the furo in my apartment and just rant. About life, about how miserable I was before I…so that's what we're doing." Taking his hand, she pulled him towards his room, and the facilities inside. "We're a mess, I have questions, you need to talk. Let's combine three necessities."

+++++ 6th Angel + 2 : Tuesday (40)

Shinji discovered that the bath in his room was built with someone his size in mind. Whoever the engineer was clearly knew that he'd be eventually using it the way he was at the moment, and the man deserved a series of promotions for his foresight. After a quick rinse with the shower, Maya had filled the tub and hauled him into it. With her laying with her back against his chest, he had haltingly told his tale starting from the point where he'd arrived at NERV the first time. Her familiarity with his background made it far easier to tell her than to tell the Horaki family, as he didn't need to cover the stuff that would have been in his MAGI profile.

"And I…faded." He frowned, once more thinking of a way to describe the odd sensations he'd felt as he disappeared from reality, "The next thing I can remember, I was back where it all started: a pay phone, waiting for Misato. And the rest…well, you've been there for most of it. Other than the voices, like I said. And the songs, but you knew about those."

"That one voice worries me," Maya toyed with his knee as she thought. "If it can manipulate space and time, then I doubt there's anything we can do to stop it from doing whatever it wants to." Scooting back into him more firmly, she pulled his arms around her waist, "It could take you away. It could make it so we never existed. What on Earth would something so powerful even want with one human male."

Shinji blushed as once more he was reminded of the attractive woman sharing his bath, naked and unafraid, "M-Maya…."

"It doesn't make sense, Shinji." Her mind was too distracted with the problem she'd been presented to be aware of what she was doing to him. All of the facts added up to him telling the unvarnished truth, and so she was left to piece together the improbable with nothing but the words he had to use. Squirming as she tried to rationalize the amount of energy required to even hope to accomplish the basics of what he proposed, she carried on, "If she can harness the entire energy output of Sol to push something through time, she could just as easily create thousands of Shinji clones and do whatever she wanted!"

Unbidden, certain anatomical inevitabilities were occurring, and Shinji tried to tamp her enthusiasm without being harmful to her physically, "Maya…."

"But she clearly has ideas for you, specifically." Slapping her hands atop the water in frustration, she fell back against him and sagged, "And then there's what she did to Akagi-san. I have no doubt now that you were right, she'd not been acting the way I knew her. She wasn't acting the way you remembered her from your first…that's going to take some getting used to as well." Perking back up, she wiggled happily along his front as an idea struck her, "I might be able to interview her!" Bobbing up and down as excitement built around a solution, she unknowingly set her rump to massaging him, "I could say I need some information about-"

"Maya!" He gripped her shoulders firmly, pulling her back to lay against him as a means of curtailing any further physical motion, "C-c-careful…please."

"Hmm?" She glanced back over her shoulder, with a concerned look of surprise, "I'm sorry, am I pinching you somehow?"

"K-kind of th-the opposite," he stammered out.

"Wha…oh." She turned back to face the front with a tinge of a blush as she realized what was pressing against her back, "Well. Yes. I guess that's my fault, then." Reaching up and lightly touching his wrist, she spoke in a voice filled with remorse, "I'm sorry, Shinji. I just…I wanted to try and calm you down. I didn't mean to do exactly what Ritsuko did."

Shinji snapped, clutching her closer, "No!" Controlling his voice, he repeated it in a calmer tone, "No." _She feels far too good against me._ "You aren't doing anything she did. _She_ didn't do anything. It was…her. Whatever this voice is. Ritsuko-san wouldn't want to do that with me, Maya. She had dignity. Taste. She's terrifyingly brilliant, she's beautiful, she could have any man she wanted…she wouldn't want some know-nothing child when she could have someone as smart as she was." _If I let her go, she'll see it. If I keep her against me…._ "You're doing what Noelle-san did, you're trying to stop me from losing my mind." _Do I want to let her go?_

The soft touch of her skin against his set the backs of his knees to tingling, the pads of his feet feeling like someone was trailing a feather along them. His heart was hammering in his chest, his breath drawing out ragged and pained. Each gentle caress of her fingertips atop his wrist sent electric tingles racing along his arms, and for the life of him he couldn't figure out whether he wanted it to stop or not.

Maya's response was quiet, her voice thoughtful, "I…think it was partly her, if I'm being honest." Laying her head against his chest, she sighed, "You're like catnip. Just being around you sometimes I…Shinji, I'm not a full Six on the Kinsey Scale, but I honestly thought I was close. Then I met you."

"Y-you're closer to a-an e-eight or n-nine," he panted. The more he contemplated the woman in his arms the harder it became to not do what would follow, "Y-you're b-beautiful."

"That's not what that means…but thank you," she smiled happily, rubbing his arm. "The Kinsey Scale, put very simply, was the work of a gentleman who wanted to study whether anyone could truly be classified as 'totally straight' or 'totally gay'. He proved that, by and large, most people fall into the range between. There are just some people you're willing to overlook your natural predilections for. For me…it's you." She sighed, "But I've accepted that you're not interested in anyone else. You're a one-woman man, and that's nothing to be ashamed of."

"M-Maya," _I need to be honest_ , "I'm just terrified of losing everyone." He blurted out the truth so quickly that he almost bit his tongue as his teeth tried to cut the sentence short. Wrapping his arms tighter around her, he felt her mold herself to him, "I don't know what to do. If I say yes to Kodama, or you, or anyone else, then Hikari is free to say yes to anyone else too. But she's already free to do that, and I know that. She can leave at any time, and I have no right to stop her. She could decide to date someone else as well as me, and I have no right to stop her. If I don't prove how devoted I am, if I don't do whatever she asks, she could find anyone better and leave me forever."

"What?" Spinning free from his grasp, she set her knees astride his waist and looked down at him with a horrified experession, "No, no, no." An entire parade of thoughts chased each other around her face before she shook her head and sat down against him, "Shinji, no. That's not healthy. At all. Please don't tell me you're just with her because you're afraid of being alone."

"I-I…I don't know," he could feel her warmth against him. "I k-keep telling people I don't know what it means to love someone, and everyone keeps telling me that I do know!" His hands strayed down to her hips, "I-if I loved her…why am I here?" The barest hint of pressure with his fingers brought her sliding closer to a line that he wanted gone from his life, just so it stopped hurting him. "Maya…why do I keep thinking about the other women in my life?" He felt her pressing atop him, "Kodama says it's possible to love more than one person. Hikari says that same thing…. But is it?"

"Shinji," her breathing had joined his, "you…you don't want this."

"I don't know what I want," he admitted helplessly. "I'm stuck, Maya. I've been pulled through time by a presence that randomly makes itself known. I have two other voices in my mind that argue with each other as often as they give me any useful advice or listen to me. Speaking about the moon causes me to," he grit his teeth as his mind filled with images of sickly-hued crags and jagged peaks, "…see things. I've killed, I've exposed myself as a freak, my girlfriend is laying in a hospital bed dying of a disease she never had in the timeline I'm from and I have to be in _fucking High School_ in a few hours because she asked me to go!" Clenching his hands into fists atop her hips, he shivered convulsively as he tried to force himself to choose to do something that would change everything.

Maya swallowed heavily, laying forward against him and putting her forehead against his, "Stop." Kissing his cheek, then his jaw, she laid her face near his ear and whispered, "I want this, Shinji…I want to feel what it's like to be desired by a good and honest man. But right now…you are in no condition to make this decision, and I won't aid you in destroying yourself." Shifting her hips slightly, she pinned the key to everything between their bodies where it couldn't cause the outcome she feared most likely. "If…and I mean _if_ , you want to pursue a relationship with me," her cheek caressed his, "I'll be here when you're not attempting to self-destruct." Pressing herself upright, she gave him a chance to see her sincerity…and what little she felt she had to offer, "I'm not pursuing anyone, Shinji. NERV, the Angels, the investigation, and…you. I have no time for a relationship with anyone else. So you don't have to rush this."

 _She passes the test._ Gentle's whisper graced his ear, her body somehow paradoxically aligned against his back despite him laying against the wall of the tub. _She's pure, Shinji. Incorruptible. She will find no fertile ground with her. It's why she can hear your songs but can't be touched by them fully._

"You…you can't…." Shinji's eyes lost focus on the vision before him, turning within, "You pushed me into this."

"Shinji?" Maya blinked, taken aback, "I don't understand."

 _Mental. Communication. JACKASS._ Dark's anger swelled, _You had best explain before you lose her help, you psychopath!_

"M-Maya…n-no," the other possible interpretation of what he'd just said waving languidly from the sidelines. "Th-the voices. They showed up. Gentle, and Dark. This," his hand lifted free from the water, waving madly in an effort to indicate the entire scene, "they caused this. They did…something, and-" He closed his eyes, realizing that now he was sounding as if he had no interest in her, "Fuck it. I give up." Standing up, carrying Maya with him, he stepped carefully out of the water and turned back to the tub, "You can hear the songs." Using the Song of Water, he asked it to pull the stopper out. Setting her down where she could witness everything, he gestured to the emptying water, "But you can't be affected by them. So whatever the third voice, the bad voice, is trying…it can't take you like it did Ritsuko-san."

Maya's eyes narrowed as she filed information rapidly into place, "That's…good." Her smile brightened, "That's great!" Cheering, she clapped, bouncing where she stood, "That means that you can always trust me!" Looking back down to the water, she caught sight of his semi-erect manhood and frowned, "So…wait. How much of that was actually you?"

 _All of it,_ Gentle said from near the tub. _I just lowered your inhibitions, reduced your rigid self-control enough so that you would act on your desires, nothing more._

"A-all of it," he dutifully reported. "Gentle says she…lowered my inhibitions. I'm…uhm," he coughed, clasping his hands and bowing, "I'm sorry, Maya-san. I shouldn't be interested in you like that. You deserve far better than a man who would cheat on his girlfriend while she's in the hospital."

"I see," stepping forward, she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him into a kiss. Hanging from him for several moments, letting him soak in the affection she'd been stifling, she cheered internally when she felt his body react favorably. After she felt he'd understand her well enough, she stepped back, "It's not cheating if I have permission from your girlfriend. Remember, she said that you were free to decide to pursue me, or Kodama. Or not. But," she held up a finger and tapped his nose, "I'm happy to know that you remain the man that inspires me to try harder." Stretching, she yawned, "I'll talk to Hikari while you're at school. Let her know that I 'understand' more now."

"Do…do you want to sleep here again?" Shinji picked up a towel, offering it to her politely, "I'm going to go work out with the Shirakami. The house should be…Nozomi!"

"Whoa," Maya held her hands out making a soothing motion, the towel hanging over her shoulders, "calm. It's ok, Akane-san said she'd have them redirect Nozomi-chan to the hospital for the night. She has everything she needs up there for an evening away from the house, and will be to school on time in the morning."

Shinji spooled down just as quickly as he'd ramped himself up, "Oh thank you," he sighed, "she's not ready to hear this kind of thing. She's certainly not ready to be aware of what…uhm…what we almost…."

"I agree," the captain giggled. "And I think it's adorable that her nii-san would go to such lengths for her." Working the towel around her torso, she stifled another yawn, "Now…you go work out. You seem like you're back in control of yourself, and I have a lot of information to analyze. We need a plan if we're going to take advantage of your foreknowledge without alerting anyone to it, and we need to come up with defenses against this bitch that thinks she owns you."

+++++ 6th Angel + 2 : Tuesday (40)

Standing in the park where he trained, Shinji stretched while he waited for his mentors. The act was more to occupy his time than out of any concern of injury, his body seemingly impervious to even modest irritation. Unfortunately, the lack of mental activity meant that he had time to dwell on what he'd just done. _I told her._ His eyes sought out the night sky, the haze of light pollution stopping him from seeing anything of note. _Without asking her not to…I know she won't tell anyone. But still. I wanted to save Hikari, Kodama…and now I've dragged someone else in._

"Interesting," Suzuka's voice preceded her appearance. "It's happened. Far earlier than I thought it might, and well sooner than I'd feared." Walking alone into the park, she carried her wooden practice sword and nothing else. "Was it while you were at sea?"

"Good morning, Suzuka-san," Shinji bowed politely. He knew her question was important, but refused to be impolite to the woman who'd shown him the decency to apologize for an honest error. "A lot changed while I was on the business trip." Sensing her motions, his familiarity with her personality set him to defending himself, "Which part?"

"You've slain the guilty," she stated bluntly. Rotating her weapon into position, she left him weaponless, "How many?"

"…Too many," he answered honestly.

"I see," her voice conveyed earnest sorrow. Between heartbeats, she struck. A coiled viper unleashing its fury.

Without hesitating, Shinji parried her blows with rigid hands. He knew, now, that bullets couldn't harm him. That 'normal' people stood as much chance before him as a toddler did before an enraged bear. The wooden sword hit harder than it ought to have, and her forms delivered power that he'd not seen the like of before, but he felt nothing. He was hard pressed, his lack of experience only just supplemented enough by his skill and talent to hope to keep up, and he took several strikes that would have felled anyone else over the course of her assault. Still, he acquitted himself well, in his opinion.

Shinji remembered Gen saying that most fights don't last longer than a few minutes, the combatants running out of steam well before the motion picture industry would have you believe. His ability with music gave him the capacity to keep track of time's passing, and after ten minutes of a near constant assault he had the answer to a question that had bugged him for weeks. Between a slash at his side and the follow up thrust, he stepped in and allowed the cut to 'impale' him.

Grabbing her blade, and one of her hands, he met her eyes with a sad shake of his head, "I'm not human. Not anymore."

One might excuse Shinji for becoming accustomed to being struck, as he failed to react when Suzuka slapped him. Hard. "Never say that about yourself, Shinji-dono. Ever." Her tone was even, her eyes far more firm than her voice, "We are still human, despite whatever it is that life has chosen to grace us with. Our choices, not our being, are what determine our humanity."

"…why?" He relaxed his grip on her hand, allowing her to withdraw her sword and adjust her practice robes, "The honorific, I mean."

"Because you defend your lands, you protect your people, and you do so without asking boon or bounty," she responded simply. "You could have easily left her daughters to suffer. Could have seen the path life asked of them and ran." Reaching up with the same hand that had slapped him, she patted his cheek, "Instead, you dug in. You fixed stakes, built fortifications, planted crops. It is not easy, this path, but it is the one you chose to walk. To me, these actions befit a dignified honorific." Gesturing to the nearby swings, she smiled encouragingly, "Sit with me. I would share my thoughts."

"Yes, sensei," he responded automatically.

"No, Shinji-dono. I am no longer your sensei." Sitting on the swing, she shifted from the fierce warrior to the woman of refined whimsy, "I am your peer."

He snorted a laugh, taking the swing next to her, "Hardly, Suzuka-san. You have worked hard to hone your skills, to earn the respect of your peers. You've been faithful to your husband, to your long-dead friend, and to yourself. I've killed some Angels, screwed up the lives of half the city…I couldn't save nearly as many people as you think I have."

"One life saved is one more than most ever manage," she sighed. "You prove your honor despite your doubts, my friend. Your every answer simply reinforces my position that you are the catalyst that will bring about the needed changes to the organization I have chosen to serve."

"The Shirakami?" Shinji looked back up to the night sky, "I…don't know that I'm willing to give what Xu-san says you'll ask."

"Fah," Suzuka snorted, "she knows that. I told her that you aren't as easily manipulated, and that she doesn't know you half as well as she believes herself to."

"Huh?" Shinji blinked, looking in confusion to the pale beauty to his side.

"It was…some time ago, Shinji-dono, that I met my Suzuki-kun. He was, and is, a good man who does what is necessary. He was not, however, my first love." Caressing the wooden sword on her lap, she smiled in fond reminiscence, "I served an honor debt aboard a trading vessel, serving as a bodyguard to a man you remind me of. I had accepted a contract to…eliminate an acquaintance of his. Simply stated, the Captain convinced me that I was being manipulated to act against my own standards of honor, and in return I swore to serve as a guard for him and his crew until the matter could be addressed appropriately and honorably."

Shinji nodded, understanding that the backstory was necessary to appreciate what she was driving at.

"The captain…had attracted a number of women to his side. People who saw him and wished for him to see them. He, like you, fought against reciprocating their affections. He, like you, refused to see in himself the very thing that drew these people to him." She turned to consider him, "He chose to leave everyone behind one day. His indecision paralyzing him when he needed to be decisive to serve as a ship's captain. In the end, Shinji-dono, four hearts were broken when none needed to be."

"None…how?"

"I had spoken with the two others, asked them how we might settle the matter without rancor," she looked out to the park with a fond smile playing at her classic features. "I loved them, as sisters. They made the long journeys at sea worth the time spent, and I would have gladly shared the man we all longed after if it meant spending more time with them. While the first agreed easily, the second needed to be convinced that 'lesser quality' partners wouldn't demean her pride." Her grin turned feral and cold, "The 'conversation' was therapeutic."

"It's…uhm," Shinji thought through his phrasing, "it's hard to see you as 'lesser', Suzuka-san. Your husband is incredibly fortunate."

She cast a sidelong glance at him, "Which one?"

"Which…you have more than one husband?"

"Had, Shinji-dono." Standing, she turned to face him, "What would you place my age at?"

"I-I wouldn't," he waved frantically before him, knowing far better than to ask a lady's age.

A fond smile returned to her strict mien, "I do not mind. Though I appreciate that you have better manners than most louts your age."

"M-Maybe late twenties?" He looked her up and down, "It's hard to tell, if I'm being honest. You could be anywhere from twenty-two to forty-five. But if you've been married many times…I really don't know, Suzuka-san."

"This will be my eighty-sixth birthday," she stated with aplomb. "Five times over."

"Five…wait," Shinji shook his head as he ran the math quickly, "you're four-hundred and twenty-nine years old?!"

"To be told that I still look as though I might be in my early twenties is quite the compliment," she stated with a flirty twist of her shoulders. "It seems my mother's exhortations that exercise and a parasol are indispensable still ring true."

"You…you were alive during the Edo period?"

Walking over to a nearby lamppost, she swung her sword casually compelling the cement and metal rod to come apart into eight pieces. Turning back to face him, she tilted her head to the side, "And you are capable of blocking a strike bare-handed that would sever the strongest materials made by Tokyo-3's municipal department. Tell me, Shinji-dono, am I truly so unbelievable?"

"You're immortal…."

"I don't know," she shrugged, "I haven't died yet to test that theory out." Walking back to her conversational partner, she once more rested her sword in the loop she left in her sash specifically for the task, "But I would guess that you might not be entirely mortal either, my friend. And so, I ask you," a sadness crossed her features, "would you deny someone's love for you knowing that they'll grow old, and pass from this earth before you? Would you live hundreds of years with the memory of their pain as you told them that while you loved them, you loved another just that touch more, or earlier? Or would you let them share your love with others, allow them to create a sisterhood that will shelter them as you fight the fight that must be won? Will you unify their hearts, set them to doing good deeds under your banner, and live forever after they've passed with the warmth that their memories will bring?"

"I…I don't…."

"No leader I've ever served started out as one, Shinji-dono." Taking her seat on the swing once more, she set it to slowly moving, "But ever has it been that those who would be led have gathered to the one that would lead them. You have the potential, you have the gathering, what you lack is the confidence. That," she laughed, "is only gained through the doing of deeds. Let none set your path for you, my friend. Choose where you place your feet, learn from your missteps and accept that you are human…because humans make mistakes, only the spirits are perfect."

+++++ 6th Angel + 2 : Tuesday (40)

Walking back into the classroom after so many days outside of it remained as jarring as it always had been. He'd never spent as long gone from it as Rei had, but he'd spent more than his fair share of time absent. _Now,_ he sighed, _I'm the one that's been gone more often. And I'm the one that everyone's supposed to look to for guidance?_

His early arrival had been intentional. After agreeing to meet Suzuka more often he'd hurried back to his room to change into his school uniform, only pausing to consider the woman sleeping fitfully in his bed. The memory of Maya's form, currently swimming in the shirt he'd loaned her, brought with it the feel of her against him. _I'll need to apologize to Hikari. When she's out…I think. Or should I do it before? Prompt apologies are better, but do I want to stress her right now?_ He sighed, _…and what, exactly, am I apologizing for? Cheating, or liking it?_

"Shinji-san?" A familiar voice sounded from the doorway behind him, returning him to the present, and he turned to see Kensuke giving an odd look to the pair of bodyguards that had accompanied Shinji to the class standing in the hallway emanating death, "Is…is everything ok? You've been gone a while. Everyone was worried, and there've been a lot of crazy rumors flying around."

 _Leader? Hardly._ "It's…been a time, Kensuke-san. If you wouldn't mind waiting a bit, I'd like to only have to go over it once. The others deserve a chance to hear as much as I can tell straight from the source, don't you think?"

"Sure, sure," he nodded eagerly. "It's…well, it's good to see you?"

Shinji smiled gently, the honest statement lighting a small ember of fond recollection in his chest, "Thank you, Kensuke-san. To be honest, it's good to see a friendly face."

"Well…uhm, oh!" Dashing over to his seat, he pulled out his notebook and opened it to the latest lesson, "Here, while we wait why don't I make sure you've been able to keep up with what we've gone over in class?"

"Thank you," Shinji settled himself in the seat next to his one-time friend. It was barren, the class size already diminishing despite the increased successes of the Eva pilots, and it stopped him from looming. It was odd, sitting down in a chair that wasn't his own, and even more odd as that seat was intended for someone much smaller than he was, but he endured the discomfort and gave his full attention to the odd otaku that seemed to come alive with the chance to interact with him.

Slowly the class filled, several people politely interrupting the impromptu study session to ask after Shinji's health, and if Hikari would be showing up later. Each time he gave the person his attention, apologizing for his absence and promising that he'd address both issues before the class began, before turning back to Kensuke and asking him to continue. If he was honest, he knew all of the material, somehow, but it made Kensuke happier each time Shinji focused on him again and that was worth doing.

It was the arrival of Yang and her frenemies that finally triggered him quietly thanking the young man and standing to address the class. While he could politely put off everyone else, he knew from experience that these four wouldn't allow him to delay at all.

"Shinji!" Yang threw her pack onto her desk and ran over to jump into a hug, "Oh my heavens, I am so sorry! Is she ok? We haven't received any word but that," she stopped, looking around, "uhm…you know."

He gave her his small, hope-filled, smile, "I'm going to address the class, Yang. I need to head off the rumors before they get too much crazier."

"Right, right," dropping down from her embrace, she paused, "we'll talk later. During lunch?"

"Later," he deflected. He had a number of obligations now, and didn't want to promise his time anywhere that he couldn't put it firmly. Moving to the front of the class, he noticed that he hadn't had to ask for attention, everyone was waiting for him eagerly to explain. _That's almost as terrifying as the Angels._ He frowned slightly, _Where's Rei? Maybe at NERV. I need to get her number._ Bowing slightly, he began, "I am very sorry for the extended absence that both myself and Horaki-san have forced you to endure. As the sub-Class Representative, it is my duty to be present to assist you in your time here in school and I have been lax in my obligations."

There were murmurs of dissent, a majority of the students stating that they understood that he'd be required to absent himself. It allowed him to relax slightly, and gave him a little more warmth to know that he had at least their patience.

"As you may have heard, Horaki-san's father…was struck and killed by a drunk driver." He paused as gasps of disbelief, and cries of disapproval for someone who would dare to act so recklessly, rose and died, "The service happened shortly afterwards, and the expectations of acting as guardian fell to her elder sister. I was…uhm, required for duties at NERV and was not present myself until the day of the funeral." He glossed over any personal problems he'd faced, intending to focus everyone on Hikari's plight.

Looking to her desk, he knew his expression grew pained, "Over the weekend, during a medical examination following an increasingly severe series of headaches…." He paused, trying to force himself to continue, "A small mass was discovered inside of Horaki-san's brain." He felt the silence wash over him, the only sound a gasp of disbelief from Yang and a whispered 'No' from Kensuke, "She is undergoing surgery to…determine what it is. At this time, she's laying in…uhm, in a hospital bed. Two rounds of surgery have occurred, though that may not be the end of it." _I need to end this. I can't keep talking._ "Until she returns, I ask that you give me your trust and support. I will do my best to answer any class questions, and if needed I will bring your concerns to the teachers so that we may all learn together." Bowing once again, he finished, "Thank you for your understanding."

He made to take his seat as he saw the old teacher from Nebukawa standing in the hall, watching him patiently, "I apologize for the delay, sensei. Everyone," he turned back to the class, "stand! Bow!" The old man walked in enough to accept the recognition. "Take your seats!" Shinji went to take his own, and paused when he felt the man's hand alight on his arm, "Sensei?"

The man's eyes, normally so focused on a past that only he seemed to truly know, now sat firmly in the here and now, "Please pass along our well-wishes, Shinji-kun. I feel better knowing that her chosen sub-Rep is someone as capable as you. She is strong, and she has the spirit of her class behind her. She will recover." Patting Shinji, he resumed his role as educator, "Today, I think we will pause our lesson for a quick review. Everyone take out your notes from last Wednesday, and let's discuss the trade situation following Second Impact."

+++++ 6th Angel + 2 : Tuesday (40)

"Shinji?" He heard Shinobu's voice from behind him as he walked with Yang out to the tree, "Auuu, it's good to see you!" Ducking under his arm, she clenched him into a tight embrace, "Where's Hikari? I've missed you both!" He saw her eyes flicker in annoyance to Yang, who seemed equally irritated at the delay.

"She's…in the hospital," he tried to move the bluenette forward so that he could get to his traditional spot under the tree. "Would you like to join us for lunch, Shinobu-san? I was going to tell Yang-san what was going on, and I can just as easily tell you both at the same time."

"Oh my goodness," Shinobu gasped cutely. "I, I'm so sorry, Shinji! Yes, please," not removing herself from his side, she took over guiding them all towards the old oak, "can she have visitors? So soon after that death in her family, she's just got rotten luck, hasn't she?"

Yang watched Shinji bear her presence with stolid restraint, the fiery waitress' ire growing each step taken, "They aren't even allowing Family to see her, Maehara-san." Using the odd relationship the Shirakami had with the Horaki clan to impress a point upon the young woman, she reached up and patted Shinji's back, "The only reason Shinji has dispensation is that they can't say 'No' to the man responsible for everyone still breathing."

Reaching the tree quickly, he helped both Yang and Shinobu find a clear space to sit before lowering his bulk down, "If I'm being honest, Shinobu-san…I don't know if they'll allow anyone on base. I did promise to ask for Yang-san," he coughed as an elbow found his ribs.

"You go back to using a suffix, Shinji, and I'm going to take my mother's favorite wooden spoon to your backside." Handing him a meat bun with a firm glare, she pointed at him, "Just because you have to disappear from time to time does not mean I'm any less of a friend when you come back. You aren't vanishing because you hate me, you're vanishing because your life is filled with horrible pain. When you come back, I'll still be here waiting to do what I can to make your pain go away."

"Of course, Yang," he smiled softly.

"I'm sure you are," Shinobu stated waspishly. "Just _waiting_ to make it all better."

"Shinobu-san," Shinji tried to wave off her misplaced anger, only to be bowled over by Yang's outburst.

"Oh please," the Chinese beauty rolled her eyes, "I'm not the one who forced her way into their lunch group. I'm the one who kept everyone else in class that wants to jump his baloney pony from doing so. Shinji knows _exactly_ where I stand."

"Forced?" Shinobu scoffed, "I was _invited_. It's not my fault that you and everyone else in his class can't sit back and let him be happy with Hikari."

"Yes, I'm sure Shinji's pity is a true boon to you in your trying times," Yang sighed disgustedly, turning to her lunch. "Chasing after a college-aged man only to find out that he's got a wandering eye."

"Y-you…."

"Everyone knows, Maehara-chan," Yang stated with a shrug. "It's the worst kept secret in your class. As soon as he found someone with a bigger rack, he went on a date with them instead."

" _Enough_ ," Shinji's voice cut through the argument as easily as his hand did when he sliced between the two. "Shinobu-san," he looked to the bluenette, "Yang is a friend. I have many of those, now, where I didn't before I came here. Unfortunately, perhaps, the majority of them are female. It creates all sorts of misunderstandings, and horrible insinuations about their character, but I assure you that every last one of them is someone with much better options than me." Turning to Yang, he let his expression take on a bit of his irritation, "Yang, that was beneath you. Shinobu-san felt that she had something special, and the fact that her boyfriend was unclear about his feelings, or even sought to take advantage of her, is on him alone. She doesn't deserve to be mocked, or belittled, because she's especially wary of others circling around relationships looking to break them up." Slowly looking between the two contrite-seeming women, he sighed, "Both of you are good people, and both of you are angry about things that happened in the past. Just…leave it there. The past is gone, and it only impacts the future if you let it."

"Yes, sir," both women stated without looking up from their laps, where their eyes had migrated during his gentle rebuke.

"Now," he slowly unwrapped the bun he'd been offered, "let's try again."


	46. Chapter 46

+++++ 6th Angel + 2 : Tuesday (40)

"To be honest, ma'am," the agent responsible for keeping Idunn appraised stated with calm certainty, "he's the cock of the walk. He could walk up to just about any girl in school, and a fair number of the men, and ask them to drop their pants and they'd comply. To look at him, though, you'd swear that he was an outsider. He doesn't act aloof, mind, he just doesn't act like the BMOC. I've watched him defuse six fights, raise spirits, bring people to the teacher's attention who were being bullied…man, if I'd have had someone like him around when I was in school I might have actually paid attention."

The tall redhead watched the live camera feed from the classroom, her eyes locked to the seat where Shinji sat taking studious notes. "Understood. Keep your eyes open, if it seems as if he's about to get into trouble I want him out of there."

The man snorted, "Roger, resuming duties."

Idunn shook her head, Maya's reprimand still spinning through her head. _He doesn't trust me? I know that. I know he wouldn't just trust some outsider, but…why_ shouldn't _he trust me?_ The sound of a door opening caused her to turn slightly, then snap to attention, "Sir."

General Benoit and Admiral Drake walked into the room casually, neither exuding the behavior of a man interested in making a fuss. Which, of course, anyone familiar with a Flag Officer would know as when they are at their most dangerous. The Admiral took note of who Idunn was observing, and changed his course to stand closer to the wall-sized screen to consider the actions of the young man he'd become impressed with.

Her supervisor, however, kept his eyes on her, "I understand there was some property damage last night. I haven't seen a report on it cross Commander Fuyutsuki's desk, so I'm assuming it wasn't anything major."

"Mister Ikari had…an excess of energy," she hesitated. "You know how hard it can be for him to express his emotions, sir. He took his frustrations out in the manner we're all familiar with from the younger agents, and Captain Ibuki managed to settle him well enough that," she gestured to the screen, "he's just fine today."

"Indeed," the Admiral chuckled. "His writing is precise, though his notes are poorly condensed. A touch too thorough, if I'm reading them properly."

"Agent Nakamura reported that Captain Ibuki only recently left the home," General Benoit continued. "Though she states that Shinji left in a far better mood than he arrived. What's your opinion on this?"

"She…has his trust, sir." Idunn frowned, _Is he asking if I think she…._ "You know that's a rare thing."

"Her, Captain Minders, Captain Katsuragi," Admiral Drake looked to his peer, "quite a capable staff in their own right."

"He also has the support of Pilot Ayanami," Philip continued, "the entire Corpsmen detachment, the Air Group, the Engineering Corps, and those members of Section Two we retained after the hand-off."

"Capable, sir?" Idunn scowled, "Two of them were primarily responsible for his security aboard your Fleet, and unless I misunderstand the preliminary report, he was shot at, forced to kill his assailants, exposed to foreign substances, nearly set on fire, and allowed to approach an armed felon."

"Alleged, Agent," the Admiral's tone shifted towards firm. "Special Agent Kaji has not been convicted of anything. His ownership of the material in question could have been without his knowledge or consent. We presume innocence."

"He also managed to save two thirds of the ships, tens of thousands of lives, enable the mission's success, avert the introduction of that foreign substance into a secured environment, and represent himself and his organization well in a multinational environment." General Benoit added calmly, "For someone who is currently studying..." He squinted to make out Shinji's notes, "Chromatic theory, I would say that perhaps he acquitted himself admirably in trying times."

"Sir," Idunn pressed, "his success doesn't negate either Captain Katsuragi's or Captain Minders' failure to keep him out of trouble."

"Trouble seeks him out, Agent," Admiral Drake looked back to the classroom. "Unless you intend to lock him in a vault and only let him see other people when it's time to fight, I doubt you can keep him from it." He pointed to six of the young ladies in the classroom, "Each of them. And, unless I miss my mark, the teacher as well. Is that common here in Japan, still?"

"It wasn't ever truly common, Sam," Philip chuckled. "It's just as much the realm of fantasy here as it is in America, or back home in France. Though, as back home, when it does happen I hold that there should be a firm response. They hold a position of trust, and they abrogate their responsibilities if they act on their inclinations."

"You have to admit," the Admiral offered, "he does cut a rather dashing figure. So long as she keeps her hands to herself, admiring the goods is no crime."

"Sirs," Idunn slapped her hand down, "how can either of you stand there and _joke_ about this?"

"Agent," Samuel sighed, "I joke because I've been given the full briefing. The man is screwed six ways from Sunday, and the good Lord himself couldn't unfuck the situation. He's running in the blind with fog all around, and if it weren't for a young woman with a good heart taking a liking to him, he may very well be just like this one," he tapped the screen over a young man that wasn't paying attention to his lessons. "Staring out the window at the world and drifting past. Instead of knuckling down and driving through, he could be carried wherever the tides take him. Feel blessed that you are able to bear witness to such a man as he, Agent. At least you can say that you kept the woman alive who kept the protector of the world sane."

"Women," Philip corrected. "Unless the RUMINT isn't to be believed."

"Sir, that is inappropriate," Idunn protested again.

"Idunn," the General gave her a serious look, "I don't care if he works his way through that entire school to stop himself from swallowing a bullet. If the women he's with don't mind, and the women he chooses are willing, it is not our place to judge." His eyebrow raised, " _That_ is a direct order."

+++++ 6th Angel + 2 : Tuesday (40)

"At that point," Shinji finished quietly, "he…uhm…."

"Opted out," General Benoit aided him with a gentle pat on the young man's hand. "Very well, Shinji. Thank you for coming in and helping us get your side of the tale."

The Third Child shrugged noncommittally, "It's…uhm, it's no problem, sir. I…I can't ask for help if I don't offer it in return."

"You offer more than help, Shinji-san," Kozo stated encouragingly. "You volunteer, you seek out opportunities to do good, every act you take shows us what you're capable of, what you're feeling. I promise you, we won't withhold any possible avenue of bringing Hikari-chan back to full health."

"My daughter-in-law has asked to speak with the two of you," Philip said by way of ending the meeting. "I asked her to wait down with Miss Horaki while you finished up here. If you have nothing else to add, please feel free to take the rest of the evening to yourself."

"Agreed," Kozo nodded. "We'll be running synchronization tests tomorrow with all three pilots, so I'd ask that you come here after class straightaway," he smiled, "but I know you'd never be anywhere else right now. We'll give you half an hour between class and tests so that you can check in on Hikari-chan, and I'll ask Captain Ibuki and Captain Katsuragi to not dither about."

"Th-thank you," Shinji said with genuine gratitude. "I'll…uhm, I'll be going then." Bowing after he stood, he turned and hurried out of the room towards his destination. He was somewhat surprised when he still hadn't seen Idunn, expecting her to be in the briefing as she'd said she would be. When, instead, it was Mikoto that peeled off the wall to tag along he became worried, "Good afternoon, Mikoto-san."

The agent gave him a tight smile, "Heading to the med bay?"

"Yes, ma'am. I was told that Doctor Charcot-Benoit was waiting to talk with both me and Hikari-san." He moderated his pace to stop Mikoto from having to perform a half-jog to keep up, "I didn't want to keep someone as busy as her waiting."

"I wouldn't worry," Mikoto assured him. "She's taken to the area just fine and spends most of her time waiting for one thing or another. She's got the patience of a stone."

"Oh, hey!" A familiar voice slowed Shinji slightly, and he saw Asuka wave with a bright smile from down the hall, "I didn't know you were on base today." Jogging over quickly, she took his elbow, "Where we off to?"

"Medical," he answered uncertainly. _She's so…different._

"To see…Hikari, right?" Asuka nodded, "Ok, let's go. I just finished up with helping them get activation data and I have nothing but time since I'm not allowed to leave base yet." Before he could respond, she tugged him in the direction he'd been heading in, "I could even offer to help her keep up on her studies. Since you're apparently such a good little boy and still go to school, she'll need company during the day."

Asuka filled the walk with random blather about how the staff here were all so stiff and nobody had any idea how to properly maintain her 'baby', lots of nothing creating a wall of sound that Shinji was all-too familiar with.

 _It's her,_ he mused as he paid attention with half his mind. He'd developed the skill to survive in Misato's apartment, and found that he was able to slip back into the habit without issue. _I just wish I knew better what happened to change her for the better. It seems so…creepy._ Stopping near the door, he gestured for a chance to speak, "I…would ask that you let me go in first. Let me make sure she's up for company, please?"

Her smile was approving, "Absolutely. I wouldn't expect less from a gentleman like you." Patting him on the chest, she left her other hand on his elbow, "You check on your lady, I'll wait out here. If she's not ok, just ask the sunglasses to let me know and I'll go hit the film library or something."

Kodama's voice came from the doorway, "Shinji?" He turned to see her begin to scowl, "Who's this?"

 _Oh no. Nooo, no no._ "Kodama," he began hurriedly, "this is Asuka Langley Soryu, the pilot of Unit-02. Asuka, this is Kodama Horaki, Hikari's elder sister."

"Oh?" Asuka walked over and extended her hand in greeting, her natural grace evident, "Charmed, I'm sure. Shinji invited me along to meet his darling fiancée."

Standing where Asuka couldn't see him, Shinji rolled his hands in a pleading effort to get Kodama to play along.

His heart sank as the nurse recognized the name, "Asuka?" She made no motion for taking the other woman's hand as her scowl deepened.

"Ach, I know," the redheaded pilot shrugged as she let her hand fall back to her side, "I look nothing like someone from Japan. My mother was Japanese, my father American-German. I'm told that I favor him. To be fair he wanted to name me Gretchen, but I prefer Asuka myself."

Casting a pleading look to Mikoto who gave a subtle, if confused, nod, "I'll let you know if she's able to see guests, Asuka." He smiled far too falsely as he hooked Kodama and dragged her into the room with him. When the door safely closed behind him, he whispered tersely, "She's not the same. Don't."

Kodama growled, "Fiancée?"

He grimaced, "It's a long story. Please, just give me a few moments to explain out of hearing before you…do what you always do."

Her eyes shot wide, "What I always do?"

" _Defend me from bad people_ ," he stressed. Reaching up, he cupped her neck at the shoulder, "So long as I have you around, I'll never have to worry about someone bullying me, Kodama. But right now, something's changed and I need you to wait before you complicate things."

"It is nice to see your family gets along well with your intended," a new voice stated after a short cough. "Though, perhaps, she might be willing to allow me to introduce myself?"

"I'll be outside," Kodama responded with a glare at Shinji, "not _complicating_ anything."

 _Damn. It._ Shinji winced as the door was closed with slightly more force than necessary, turning around to bow apologetically to the doctor, "I'm very sorry, Doctor-san. There was a…miscommunication, and-"

"You lie very poorly for someone so willing to do so." Vivienne Charcot-Benoit stood near to Misato's height, with a runner's frame, and a long glossy mane of blonde hair, "Though you do match the many descriptions Hikari has given. Tall, handsome, honest to a fault." She smirked, "All too willing to defend those who've done nothing to earn the defense."

"He's gentle," Hikari's voice still sounded rough. "I like him that way."

"These are not bad traits, darling," the doctor subtly scooted a glass of water closer to her patient. "However, he clearly has no tongue for lying." Bowing in a more Western style, she introduced herself, "Colonel Vivienne Charcot-Benoit, MD. A pleasure to make your acquaintance."

Shinji was quick to bow in response, "Shinji Ikari, ma'am."

"Just 'Shinji Ikari'?" She clicked her tongue, "No, no, my dear man. That will never do. You must introduce yourself as a man of note, instill in your conversational partner's mind what they will expect when they speak with you."

"I…I am," he stood with a shrug. "I don't have any letters after my name, I hold no rank, the most important part of my life," he gestured to Hikari, fresh bandages wrapped around her head, her hair showing signs of caring maintenance, "is lying next to you. I'm nothing else, just Shinji."

"I see now why my father-in-law is so frustrated with you," she sighed. "Hikari, my darling, you have your work cut out for you."

Hikari's small grin took Shinji in completely, "I'm sorry to say, I like him the way he is."

"Well, perhaps I will have more luck if I give the good news," rolling her hand to beckon Shinji over, she pulled up her tablet. "I have my patient's permission to include you in her medical briefings, and so, as you can see here," setting the tablet down on the small table attached to the bed, she circled a picture with an immaculately trimmed nail, "one of the excised masses has been sliced into partitions, stained with multiple dyes, and put into the cassettes." Sliding to the next picture, she continued, "Each dye is used to help highlight cells so that we can see more easily what it is we are looking at."

"This…was in her head," Shinji murmured.

"It was detected early," Vivienne stated with an approving nod, "because a certain boyfriend insisted that the most important part of his life stop delaying a vital medical examination. The cells are pre-cancerous. Another ten years, maybe fifteen, and she would have died from complications you never assumed more than a series of migraine headaches." She turned back to Hikari, "He very likely saved your life, darling. I will make some recommendations regarding follow-on care, but to be honest I have little doubt that I managed to excise all of it. The imaging performed by Doctor Miyamura, you know her as 'Rina', was excellently done, I've already passed along my commendation for her assistance. You should be going home, barring infection, in another four days. Six on the outside."

"Then she's going to…uhm," he hesitated.

"Live? So long as she doesn't do anything silly, exercises properly, eats healthy, I see no reason she shouldn't reach an age where she sees her great-great grandchildren." The blonde reached over and gently took Shinji's hand, bringing it to Hikari's, "You did this, 'just' Shinji Ikari."

"N-no," he shook off the praise, "you got it out of her, I couldn't have ever done that."

"And I would never have known there was a life needing my skills without your active intervention." She looked to Hikari to support her claim, "You have told me that you assumed the headaches nothing, correct?"

"Shinji…she's right," Hikari's smile was tinged with tears. "I owe yo-"

"Nothing," he cut in firmly. "You don't owe me anything." He tried to smile, but the tears began to build, "I was terrified, Hikari." Gently shifting the doctor aside, he wrapped the woman he loved in the world's softest bear hug, "I thought I was going to lose you forever."

"Never, Shinji." She melted into his embrace, "No matter what side of the river I'm on, I'll always be with you."

"As touching as this is," the doctor coughed, "I do need to ask that you keep strenuous activity to a minimum. A head wound bleeds like nobody's business, and the bones in the skull must be given time to bond properly with the calcium polymers."

Shinji disentangled himself as quickly as he could, without risking harm to Hikari, "Of course," he nodded in understanding. "I…I'm sorry, Doctor."

"No, no," she laughed. "She will recover much faster with the love of a good man. Just, I would recommend she wait at least another week before you and she engage in les rapports sexuels. Even then, perhaps less strenuous positions."

"Doctor," Hikari blushed, "we…haven't done that."

"Done…." Shinji tried to parse the meaning of the odd phrase, bouncing it off of English and realizing that it bore striking similarities to the common term Toji once used. "Oh."

"You haven't?" Vivienne looked surprised, "Why ever not? It is evident that you are both enamored with each other, it is only natural to follow those inclinations so long as you practice saf-"

"He's not been quite ready, Doctor," Hikari cut her off before Shinji could grow any more red. Changing the topic, she looked back to her boyfriend, "What was happening outside, Shinji? You came in awfully hurried."

 _Asuka_. "I…uhm," _She is going to be livid that I made her wait this long,_ "my fellow pilot, the one I went to pick up, she wanted to meet you. I had intended to see if you were up for a visitor, but then Kodama…misunderstood, and I…."

"Bring her in," Hikari stated in the familiar tones of the Class Rep. As sore as her throat was, she still managed to exude the strength he remembered. "If she's still out there."

"I'm going to go and pull some more painkillers, darling," Vivienne said by way of parting. "When you've finished marking your territory, I want you to take them and get some more rest." Patting Shinji on the arm as he walked to the door, she whispered, "Do not let her work herself up. If this other woman threatens her peace, evict her."

"Understood, ma'am," Shinji responded in the manner he'd seen others manage to higher-ranking officers.

Opening the door, he let the doctor through before exiting, and was greeted with an odd sight: Asuka waiting patiently. The pilot looked to the door as it opened, a general bearing of curiosity, "Is she ok?"

"She is still recovering, Pilot," the Colonel was speaking now. "Please remember that I have just drilled a hole into her skull. Causing her any distress will end poorly, yes?"

"I'm not going to antagonize the bed-ridden fiancée of the man in charge of our fights," Asuka rolled her eyes. "I'm just wanting to introduce myself and see if she'd be up for spending some time together while she's recovering. I'm going to be bored on base, and I doubt she's having a thrill a minute being tethered to a bed."

"Thank you, Doctor-san," Shinji issued his hopeful smile, trying to defuse the situation from pushing this odd Asuka any further. "I'll try not to squeeze her hand too hard."

"At your size, you'd probably break her in half just brushing her hair," Asuka laughed. "C'mon, Shinji. Introduce me to the future Miss Horaki-Ikari."

He caught the doctor's warning glance and nodded slightly in appreciation of the gesture before opening the door for Asuka and allowing the redhead inside.

"Oh my goodness," the newest member of Tokyo-3's pilot corps said on entering the room, "you absolutely need better décor in this place. How is she supposed to recover when all she has is a single painting of…what is that, a giraffe?" Walking directly to the bedside, she kept a friendly smile on her face and offered her hand loosely, "You, my new friend, have managed to snag an absolute winner."

Hikari seemed to take a quick measure of the woman before her, reaching up with a slight tremble to take her hand, "He is a blessing. I am pleased to meet you, my name is Hikari Horaki."

"Asuka Langley Soryu," she returned the greeting. "But please, none of this 'san' stuff. You can just call me Asuka."

"Of course," Hikari looked over to see Shinji warily observing the exchange. "Shinji tells me that you're from Germany?"

"I was raised there, yeah," looking around for a seat, she caught sight of the stool and spun it so that it was of a height that didn't force Hikari to look down to see her. "My mother was Japanese, which is where I get the name."

"Was? I'm sorry for your loss," Hikari responded politely.

"It's ok," Asuka shrugged. "It was…a long time ago. I understand that your man here had a similar loss, from what Misato tells me anyway." She looked over with a smile, "Don't stand over there all worried, Shinji. Come spend some time with your fiancée."

"Ah," Shinji raised his hands, "I need to clear something up." He'd been dreading this moment but didn't want to keep building a lie that would only hurt his relationship with the easily irritated pilot, "Misato overstated our relationship to encourage the Admiral to allow us to contact Tokyo-3 for information about Hikari's surgery. We're…just dating."

"Right," Asuka laughed, "because she's going to let you get away, and you're not already wrapped around her finger." Looking back to Hikari, she gave a look of commiseration, "He just doesn't know it yet, but you've already got the floral arrangements planned." Turning back to Shinji, she shrugged, "Shinji, to see you talk about her she's the sun in your sky. You're delaying for some reason that you feel is good and valid, but you may as well call her your fiancée, because you're taken."

"It's his choice, Asuka," Hikari asserted firmly.

"Yeah, yeah," the redhead waved her hand. "Japanese customs and propriety, I get it. But mark my words," she raised her finger and pointed to Shinji, "I am not dancing with your best man just to get him away from the table at the reception." Waving away the topic, she shifted back to Hikari, "So. I wanted to lay out a few realities and make sure that you and I are on the same page here."

"I see," Hikari replied tepidly.

"One," Asuka raised a finger, "I am not gunning for your man. He's taken, I'm no homewrecker, end of line. Two," another finger raised, "I am going to be spending a great deal of time with him. If he and I are going to fight together, he and I are going to train together. I refuse to allow him to settle for second best, and I won't accept a shallow victory in aiming for the top spot. Three," she raised the last point, "I want to go shopping with you once you're out of this jail. I need someone who knows the area, someone who's on my level, and someone who can read Kanji. And you fit all three categories. What do you think?"

Hikari considered her words, realizing that she was dealing with an over-the-top personality which hid a great deal of insecurities. She smiled sweetly, "He _is_ my man, but he's free to look if he wants to. I do not own him, he is no doll for me to wave around." Seeing Asuka flinch at the word 'doll' she filed that information away for future conversations. "I encourage you to train with him. If it will mean he comes home to me alive, I'll willingly sacrifice my time with him. I would ask, though, that you remember what I said before, I do not own him. As for shopping," she let her smile fade, "I'm afraid I'm rather poor. I can show you where I get my products, and where I purchase clothes, but I doubt you have the same fashion sense I do. I'm rather understated."

Feeling the need to defend his girlfriend, Shinji spoke up, "They don't like accepting my money, Asuka. With only Kodama-san bringing in any money now that…after their father passed, they make do with what they have."

"Hmm," Asuka bunched her lips in thought. "Well, how about instead we go out window shopping." Her eyes narrowed as she considered a different plan of attack, "If we see something that looks nice, then maybe I could 'accidentally' mention it to Shinji. He could 'accidentally' get you a gift, and you could 'accidentally' thank him for it with a special dinner?"

"Shinji's the cook," Hikari smiled towards her boyfriend. "He won't let us make anything, and he's awake before us."

"You…live with her?" She looked back to Shinji, "Moved in after the accident?"

"That is a long story, Asuka," Hikari ended that line of questioning firmly. "Shinji's presence in our house has been an unqualified blessing, and both Nozomi-chan and Kodama-san practically begged him to move in." Lifting her fingers slightly, she gestured to the firebrand's head, "I see you have a head wound of your own, is that from training? Shinji comes back from time to time with bruises himself."

Asuka's face never betrayed the lie, "It was a miscommunication during a self-defense exercise." She smiled back to Shinji, the message perfectly clear in her eyes, "We pilots can get into all sorts of trouble, and if a few scratches and bruises is the worst we get out of it I'd say we're coming out ahead, don't you agree Shinji?"

"V-very much so," he nodded earnestly, backing up Asuka's statement. "Just this morning I spent a few hours with Suzuka-san," he looked back to Hikari, "she wanted to make sure that I passed along her well-wishes. They've been asked not to visit for the time being, with everything happening here on base."

"Your trainer?" Asuka raised an eyebrow, "She's female?"

"One of them," Shinji replied stiffly, worried that he'd lost points. "Gen-san, Suzuki-san, and Suzuka-san. They've taken to making sure I can…uhm, defend myself."

"Oh good," the redhead looked back to Hikari with a sigh of relief. "I was worried they had him learning something that wouldn't take advantage of his size. They tried to teach me the standard Bundeswehr method, which is designed for people a bit larger than I am. I had to argue for some instruction in Judo, and it was a whole fight just to get them to authorize an instructor."

The odd conversation continued for another half of an hour, Hikari's medicine arriving with an admonition to not be much longer in taking it. Shinji found that he was carefully positioned by both women before him, Asuka teasing him into admitting his affections openly for Hikari, and Hikari prompting him into declaring his accomplishments. He felt like a chess piece only in that he was clearly out of his depth and being handled by two masters of their craft.

"I am sorry to say," Hikari struggled with keeping her eyes fully focused, "but I think I am running out of energy."

"Completely understandable," Asuka stood gracefully. "If you don't mind, I'll swing by after my obligations are done tomorrow morning. See if I can't catch you during breakfast. While your _boyfriend_ ," she stressed the word playfully, "is busy being bored to tears in school." Reaching over, she laid her hand gently atop Hikari's, "I think the three of us will get along famously, Hikari. I look forward to being good friends."

Hikari looked to Shinji, receiving a subtle nod of encouragement, "I don't mind at all, Asuka. It only makes sense to support the people who will keep him from having to fight alone."

"I'll wait outside," the redhead nodded with a grin. "Let you get some affection in private." She turned to Shinji with a faux-admonishing gesture, "You be careful now. No bruising the delicate flower."

"Yes, Asuka. Whatever you say, Asuka." the rote reply was out of his mouth before he could stuff it back in.

"Ha!" Her laugh was accompanied by a wide grin, "I knew there was a sense of humor in there somewhere." She waved charmingly to her newest friend before walking out of the room as if the world was a runway.

When the door closed, Hikari's smile faded, "She's… _different_."

"She is," Shinji took her meaning easily. "She yelled at me, while we were at sea, but only because she saw that I was…being me." Looking down with a frown, he worked through the various pros and cons of telling his love any of the hundreds of things that needed to be said.

"Shinji?" His eyes lifted swiftly to see her smiling gently once more, "Calm." Raising a trembling hand, she warmed as he eagerly accepted her request, "I would love nothing more than to hear all about everything that's happened, but I _am_ losing the fight against consciousness. Whatever it is, I forgive you. You have my trust, and I know you well enough to know that it isn't misplaced."

"I-I…I'm supposed to be comforting you," he replied formulaically. "Just…uhm, just one thing." His eyes fell back to the ground, "I…I took another shower and bath with Maya, this morning. I…I locked up. I couldn't handle everything, and-"

"And there is nothing wrong with that," Hikari squeezed his hand. Blinking slowly as he looked back up to her, she shook her head, "Maya has my trust too. She's a good woman, Shinji. She's the kind of woman I would trust with you if the worst had happened." She let a winsome grin show, "Though I may take a bath with her myself. Keep things even."

The thought of both Hikari and Maya in his tub jumped into his mind before he could stop himself, "Th-th-that…uhm…."

"Shinji," she giggled as she watched him blush, "are you reconsidering? Adding others, I mean."

"Th-that…." He swallowed, "Stupid stammer."

"That's a question I want you to think about. As homework," she yawned. "I'm sorry, my love. I can't stay awake much longer."

"No, no," setting her hand back down, he fussed with her blankets until they were smoothed out properly. "I'm sorry. I just…I'm sorry. You get sleep, I'll be back tomorrow. They're giving me a half an hour before we do sync tests, and even if you're asleep I can at least come visit."

"I look forward to it," her smile twitched as she lost the battle against sleep. "I love you."

He watched her finally fall unconscious, her final thought given. _Is Kaji-san right? Would pushing you away be best?_ Moving everything in the room back to where it had been when he entered, he shook his head as he lingered, _What am I doing to you?_ _What am I becoming?_ As he exited the room, he walked directly into an argument. His natural inclination was to duck back into the room, but he desperately wanted to avoid upsetting the woman laying within. Stepping out into the hall, he closed the door gently behind him and braced himself.

Asuka's vocal range was clearly as he remembered, "And I'm telling you, he won't mind!" The redhead stood with her fists on her hips, her upper torso cocked forward aggressively, "What is it with you people and your constant undermining of him? He's at least ten times more capable than you're giving him credit for!"

"His capability is none of your concern," Idunn stated coldly. "He has had multiple attempts on his life, excluding the Angels he's defeated."

"Yes, I'm well aware that we pilots have enemies," Asuka pointed up to her bruise-accented stitches. "I fail to see how that's _my_ problem. Your job is to keep us safe, our job is to try and have a life outside of constant unending training. If I want to head out to dinner with him, and he's fine with it, what the hell place is it of yours to say 'No'?"

"If there's a threat," Shinji cut in tentatively, "anyone else around me would be in danger, Asuka. The people just going about their lives might be killed because I chose to eat at a restaurant." Seeing an avenue to defuse the situation as best he could, he stepped between the two gingers, "If…uhm, if you give me a few days to plan, I could invite you over to the Horaki's home? I'd be happy to make you something German, something you might like?"

Asuka's voice was filled with disgust, "Are you really going to let them keep you all cooped up, Shinji? Just because they can't seem to do their job right, you shouldn't have to sit at home and twiddle your thumbs. It's a _diner_ , nobody is going to be casing the place expecting an Eva pilot to show up out of the blue."

 _Blue._ Shinji blinked, another compromise appearing, "M-maybe tomorrow?" He tried his hopeful smile, "There's a place I've enjoyed going to, it's Chinese and they have an amazing kitchen. I'm sure if I called I could get us reservations, maybe we could include Ayanami-san? Make it all three of us?"

"He understands that defense requires planning, Miss Soryu," Idunn stated proudly. "You can't just abandon your security detail as 'inconvenient'."

"Did…you manage to lose your agents, Asuka?" Shinji frowned, "That wouldn't be good."

"If they can't keep up, they don't need their jobs," the Second Child replied airily. "I am not going to slow down because they can't move faster."

A dance pad popped into his head, followed by a sigh. "Asuka…please be careful," _I'm the Lead Pilot. It's my job to do this._ "I would…be unhappy, if something happened to you. I don't have many friends, and I have even fewer fellow pilots. Losing both at once would…hurt."

Asuka considered him with a scowl for a few seconds, "Schnitzel, apfelmus, and latke. And it had better be good." Turning her glare towards Idunn, she continued to address Shinji, "We'll do dinner on Friday, your place. Though," she turned back to him with an angry smile, "if that Kirschtorte you gave me is any indication, I'm sure I'll love it." Turning to leave, she pulled him into a hug and resumed her glower at the agent over his shoulder, "I'm glad she'll be ok, Shinji. She seems like a perfect fit for you."

Shinji's confusion was evident as the American-German-Japanese engine of chaos strolled off, feeling her point made. _She…hugged me?_ He remembered a disastrous kiss, and even during that the most contact other than their lips was her fingers atop his nose cutting off his airway. Other than that one time, the only physical contact she'd given was better classified in terms of battery. _What changed for her? Is it really just the psychologist?_

"You know," Idunn started softly, "I had thought I had you figured out, Shinji."

Looking towards the agent, he let confusion dominate his features, "Did…I change?"

She considered him gravely, "You gave her a cake? You're inviting her over for dinner?"

"You've read the same books I have, Agent: 'If you know your enemy, and you know yourself, you need not fear the result of one hundred battles'," Misato quoted. "It looks to me like he's just using the weapons he has available to strike at the weaknesses of someone he's going to be forced to work with." The violet-haired acting Sub-Commander leaned against a nearby corner, "He gave her a cake after she'd been shot. He was apologizing, as he tends to, for not being able to be in twelve places at once."

"I guess she liked it," Shinji stated with a small feeling of triumph. "I was worried, I didn't have a lot to work with."

"I don't believe it is a good idea to encourage this, Captain," Idunn warned. "Considering-"

"He's the Lead Pilot," Misato cut off the agent. "He's building a rapport with his team, just like he's seen that crew of reprobates do for the Air Group." She beckoned Shinji over, "I'll drive him home. Have your people follow, I want to have a chat with him and he's on my way."

Shinji caught the death of Idunn's retort, a small shake of Misato's head ending the debate. _What's that about?_

+++++ 6th Angel + 2 : Tuesday (40)

The 'conversation' Misato had wanted to have was a simple warning to be careful around Asuka as she adjusted to her new surroundings, followed by a 'sedate', by Katsuragi standards, drive where she apologized for not being able to visit Hikari that day. She'd been swamped with paperwork, reports, and preparation for Unit-02 to be added to the duty roster, and she'd hoped to make it up the next day when she had the chance.

As she pulled up to the Horaki residence, she smiled sadly towards him, "I know it sucks, but I'm extremely proud of you for going in and being responsible in school." Patting his knee, she kept his eyes on her, "You're doing great, Shinji. Hikari will be out of the hospital before you know it, and it has to make her rest easier knowing you're here to take care of that little cutie standing in the doorway vibrating."

Shinji turned to see Nozomi anxiously dancing from foot to foot waiting for him to approach, "I understand, Misato. It's…difficult." Taking the latch for the door, he thought about asking another question regarding why everyone was worried about him and Asuka, but decided that Nozomi was a higher priority, "I'll see you tomorrow during the tests. Please tell Ayanami-san I missed her at school, and Pen-Pen 'Hello' for me."

Exiting the car, he was halfway up the walk before Nozomi dashed out and clambered up to her proper place on his hip, "Nii-san, what happened? Kodama-nee-san is _super_ angry." He could feel her tremble, fear having worked its way into her mind, "She's been in her room screaming and stomping since she got home."

 _Kodama_ , Shinji's anger flashed. In his view of the world, there was never an excuse for frightening a child, and the woman taking his errors out on Nozomi was absolutely not acceptable. "I'll talk to her, Nozomi-chan," he schooled his voice towards optimistic, "I'm sure she's just had a hard day. Hikari got some good news, though!" Settling her on the counter in the kitchen, he began to put together a small dinner, "She'll be able to leave the hospital within the week."

"She will?!" The good news brightened her demeanor considerably, "Will I be able to visit?"

"That, I don't know," Shinji kept busy with the stove. "They are limiting the base to employees only, right now. I will ask, though, because I know that Hikari would love to see you." He turned his smile on her, glad that his good news had done the trick, "So, what did you learn in school today?"

Kodama stomped down the steps from her room, interrupting the conversation with a terse order, "Nozomi, upstairs."

"Yes, nee-san." The little lady of the house slid off the counter and was out of Shinji's reach before he could react. Keeping her eyes on the steps, she scooted timidly past her eldest sister, worry and fear radiating from her in equal measure.

 _Calm. I need to stay calm._ Shinji's anger was rising, he could feel himself meeting Kodama's rage step for step. "I am sorry that I couldn't explain better, Kodama-san," he cut in before she could get started. "After everything I said of the Asuka I knew, the woman I met a few days ago only barely resembles her."

"That you know of," she spat out. "The corpsmen are already dreading dealing with her. I've been forbidden from accessing her medical records, but there's something in them that has them worried. I've been hearing various medical terms thrown around that I'd only expect if a patient was _violent_ , Shinji. And you just walk around with her on your arm like she's the sweetest little thing."

"She deserves a chance, Kodama-san." _Keep using her name. Keep being polite. Don't lose your temper, damn it._ "She told me on the way to the _Othello_ that she had a nervous breakdown three years ago. Three years ago, would put her around where I knew her! If the Asuka I'm familiar with was dealing with something horrible enough to cause her to snap, then of course I had a terrible time with her."

"And when she snaps again?" Stepping up to him, she turned him away from the stove, "When she beats you, like I've seen in your past? When she starts exploiting your trauma? Shinji, she's a viper waiting to strike."

"And what am I, then?" He let the full weight of his glare land on the woman before him, "I'm walking around with an entire library of information on the people around me. I'm ahead of every conversation, every interaction, because I've dealt with most of them for months! I haven't used my knowledge, not intentionally. Doesn't that make me a different person to everyone else, despite what I am inside?"

"The difference is, Shinji," Kodama jabbed him with a finger, "you without the knowledge is still someone trying to keep everyone around you from hurting anyone. You with the knowledge is just more successful. Your basic personality is the same, regardless."

"The same weak, sniveling, coward?" His retort was as hot as the pan he worked the fish in, "The same person who ran from the war? Who refused to learn how to do better? You are ignoring what you don't want to see, Kodama." He turned back to the stove, "If I can change, so can she."

"She's going to hurt you, Shinji," Kodama warned.

He felt the wooden spatula snap in his hand as he clenched his fist, " _Everyone hurts me!_ " Brawling with his anger, he shoved it back down into the caverns of his soul where it typically lurked, "I…I'm sorry." His breath ragged, he reached into the pan and began to pull the remnants of the tool out, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled."

The achingly attractive nurse stared at him, her thoughts roiling, "Is that true?"

"Yelling doesn't solve anything," he muttered, disappointed in himself.

"Not that," she watched him work with hot metal without flinching, her clinical mind shrieking at the burns he should be accruing, "do I hurt you? Does Hikari? Nozomi-chan?"

"S-sometimes," he refused to lie. "You all ask me to be something I'm not. You're only doing it because you want me to be better, to be 'healthy', but it hurts. Every time I fail, it hurts. Every time I see you give me a look of understanding, it hurts. Every time I don't know what to do, it hurts." He set the last bit of the spatula aside, "Every time I think about how selfish I am for complaining…it hurts." Picking up a new utensil, he attempted to salvage the dinner, "I shouldn't be here, Kodama."

"Fuck you," she pushed at him, trying to turn him to face her, "says who? Huh? Shinji Ikari, you face me!"

He looked over, pain and anger dancing in his eyes, "I love you all too much. They're going to strike at me through you. They've already pushed Kaji-san to kill himself, they've tried to kill Asuka, they would have killed me if I were really…." His cheek warmed, the impression of Suzuka's hand a fresh memory to work with, "If I were the same as anyone else." His hand twitched, "By keeping you all around, I'm making you a target."

"Bull." Flicking the stove off, she grabbed his neck and pulled him down into a kiss. Ignoring his hesitation, she picked up his hands one at a time and placed them where she wanted him to hold her, working his lips apart hungrily. "You," she worked in between motions, "promised us." As angry as she was with him, it was all wrapped around the same basic fear that she would be forgotten. That in amongst everything he chose, he wouldn't choose her.

Noelle's voice floated to the surface, _But if you don't want to, then don't_. His mind was torn on the matter, and he knew his heart was just as conflicted. Kodama was, by any measure, a beautiful woman. She was loving, she was someone who strove to make his life better. However, she was also very aggressive. Where Hikari's patience had won him over to pushing his boundaries, Kodama simply used the traditional Infantry method of blowing the obstruction in place and moving on. He had to admit that kissing her was pleasant, he also was forced to concede that the longer he allowed her to kiss him the worse he felt about it.

Standing up out of her direct reach, the best avenue available for slowing her down, he shook his head, "K-Kodama, Hikari is…she's in the hospital. Now isn't the time for me to…to do this." He swallowed, trying to clear his head, "Sh-she'll be out of the hospital in a week. We should wait-"

"Wait until she's back?" Kodama's hands found weak points to massage, "Shinji, she's going to live. She won't mind if I celebrate that fact with you. If I was in the hospital, and you couldn't be there because I ordered you to class while I recovered, would you honestly not touch Hikari?"

 _Honesty._ "I doubt Hikari would be in the mood." He tried to empathize, "Kodama, I understand that you're afraid…that you think Asuka is going to hurt me." _Borrow Maya's line,_ "I'm not going anywhere. I'll be here, once things calm down."

"I'm not my sister," Kodama reminded him. "Unlike her, I need affection. Unlike her, I _need_ to know that you find me attractive, Shinji." She slowly dragged her fingernails along his chest beneath his shirt, "What do I need to do to convince you to let go and relax for just one evening?"

 _Is she…is she trying to distract me from the argument?_ "Kodama," he took hold of her elbows to stop her from continuing, "this isn't a good idea. We're both angry," he had a vague recollection of the emotion at the moment, "and I'd rather just apologize to you sincerely, rather than risk hurting Hikari."

Kodama's hands curled tightly, "And what about me, Shinji?" He could see the pain in her eyes, "You're fine with hurting me?"

"Of course I'm not," he responded with a grimace. "I just…I don't have the answer to Hikari's question."

She pressed him for details, "What was her question?"

"Whether or not I…want to add anyone," he sighed, realizing he had to admit the truth to Kodama as well. "I told her today that Maya-san brought me here last night, after I…after I left the hospital room. Everything that happened while I was on the trip, coming home to Hikari covered in bandages…." He closed his eyes, "Finding out that she expects me to sit in class like I haven't just killed people."

"You…." By breaking off her thought, she drew his eyes open. He saw several questions demanding to be the first to be asked, and could only wait patiently for her to ask the one that emerged victorious. "You had to kill someone?"

"More than one," he replied timidly.

"That was…a rumor going around," she admitted. "They say you protected Soryu-san, as well as Captain Minders."

"They're right." He slid her arms out from under his shirt, "We were ambushed coming aboard the ship where Unit-02 was being stored. Myself, Asuka-san, Noelle-san, Lieutenant Junior Grade Maria Ross…and two Marines. One of them, Sergeant Ivan Sanchez…uhm…." The weight of responsibility pressed on him heavily, "He didn't make it." A deep breath helped him push the tears back, "I went insane. Wasn't," he gestured to his head vaguely, "wasn't really thinking. I can see flashes, and I…uhm, I remember the aftermath. I don't know for sure how many of them were me, and how many were the Marines. Noelle says I…I…." He held up the last three fingers of his hand.

"So," Kodama's head seemed unsteady on her neck, "Maya-san…comforted you."

"She brought me _home_ ," he hoped by stressing the word he helped make his position clearer. "She listened…when I told her _everything_."

"Everything?" Kodama was taken aback, "Shinji, you told her about us?"

"No," he clarified quickly. "I meant about me. The time travel, the songs…everything." Another bracing breath later, "She and I sat in the furo for a few hours. She listened, asked questions I wouldn't have come up with."

"So you and she were…naked," he could feel her anger rise and lower rapidly. "Alone."

"Nothing really happened," he answered the unspoken question. Choosing to defend himself, he amplified, "And it's not like this is the first time she's been in the shower with me naked."

"Then you won't mind if _we_ take a shower together?" Looking up at him through her eyelashes, she cornered him, "Give me a chance to support you? To lean on you a little? We both need comforting, Shinji. Hikari knows that, it's why she's endorsing me trying to get it through your skull that loving more than one person isn't some…perversion."

Shinji considered the request, running it against the confusing rubric he used to determine 'appropriateness', "A…shower."

"A nice shower," she purred. "A bath after. You tell me about your trip," toying with his shirt, she offered a view down her own, "I tell you how my certifications are going. Like any other couple, Shinji. We're just going to share our day."

 _Honestly, I'm beginning to think you could give Asuka a run for her money in the wild mood swing department._ Shinji's brow knit, "On…on three conditions."

"Name it," her smile grew as she anticipated victory.

"You agree to go no further than Hikari has," he set the rule he hoped would keep him on the safe side of the line.

Kodama raised her eyebrow, "Did Maya do anything Hikari hasn't?"

"…Take a bath with me. You're already moving past Hikari, but I'm willing to agree because I understand what it is you're saying." He waited for her to agree to his first point.

"Fine," she nodded once. "No further than Hikari."

"Two," he pointed up to Nozomi's room, "you apologize to Nozomi-chan. You scared her witless, Kodama. She was trembling when I came home, and there was no reason for it. If you have problems with me, you know I'll listen. But she needs all of us to be in control right now. After…I don't need to spell it all out. We're all suffering, and we're all human. But she needs her onee-san to be there for her whether or not she's suffering too."

"You're…you're right," contrition, honest and genuine, filled her. "I'll apologize during dinner. That way you're here, and she can see the proper way to own a mistake." She looked back up to him, "I'm scared, Shinji. I shouldn't let it rule me, but…I see you dying. I see Hikari dying. It's terrifying."

He accepted her hug, holding her as she shook with her own anxieties and fears. It was a start, but just like his own issues he knew it would forever be a work in progress. _Suzuka-san is right. Only the spirits…._ "I'm going to do everything I can to save everyone, Kodama." He stroked her hair, his other hand resting on her shoulder comfortingly, "I don't know how, yet…but with," he paused as he considered how to approach the odd past, "the three Evas we managed to get all the way to the Fourteenth. And, honestly, that was with Rei-san not really participating in training and Asuka-san and I at each other's throats." He tried to sound confident, "With the three of us on the same page, we almost _have_ to do better this time."

He barely made out her whisper, "I…I don't want to die, Shinji. I don't want my sisters to die." Her arms tightened around him, "I don't want you to die."

"Then…I need your help," he readied his third request. "I'm going to invite Asuka and if she approves, Rei, for dinner on Friday. I want you to _try_ ," he stressed the word, "to talk to her. Get to know her, Kodama. I need her in Unit-02. There are a number of Angels that I can't beat alone, and the better we get along the less likely we'll fail."

"So," she sighed, "you're going to withhold a shower unless I agree to fake it for the bitch?"

He shifted her so that he could look directly into her eyes, "I'm asking one of the women in my life to try and be the woman I know she's capable of being." _I wish I knew how I felt, Kodama. I'd hurt without you around, but does that mean it's love?_ "I need Asuka to fight alongside me, not against me. I need you in my life. Please, don't make those mutually exclusive."

"…Say that again," she caressed his back.

It took him a moment, but he realized the words she wanted to hear, "I need you, Kodama. You, Hikari, Nozomi-chan…. You three stop me from just quitting. From giving up on everything."

"When she hurts you, Shinji," Kodama stated far too sweetly, "I'm going to cut her to ribbons."

+++++ 6th Angel + 2 : Tuesday (40)

Dinner lasted longer than Shinji anticipated with Kodama focusing almost exclusively on her 'baby sister'. An earnest apology was followed by rapt attention as Nozomi explained what had scared her most. The eldest Horaki clarified why she was so angry, and how she'd try to remember that she wasn't the only person that felt that way. It brought a smile to his face to watch, and a slightly wistful remorse as he realized that if Misato, Asuka, and he had ever tried to communicate with each other, this scene could easily have been repeated there.

Once Nozomi had eaten her fill she had trouble keeping her eyes open, and after the third 'rubber-chicken head-bob' was to be helped upstairs by Kodama to perform her nightly rituals, following a big hug from her nii-san. "Nii-san," she said tiredly, "thank you for dinner." Her voice deepened, growing richer, more full, "I promise I'll keep an open mind about my focus in university, but I really do think it would be better for you and I if I studied metaphysical biology like Uncle did. He was onto something before he passed, and I think I can track where he and Ritsuko were going with it before the accident."

As Shinji blinked, trying to piece together a rational response, she hiccupped.

"I'll fix it, Shinji. Just…don't leave me." She sighed, a sound far too sorrowful for someone so young, "I found the fragment of the lance in your room. I know what it is, and I know what you're thinking. Don't. I need you." Reaching up to pat his face, she smiled, "Night, night."

"C'mon Sprout," Kodama urged her sister onward, not wanting her to wake up and realize what she'd just done. "Still have to brush your teeth."

Her tired little response of, "Hai," broke the spell locking Shinji in place.

 _What does_ any _of that mean?_ He caught Kodama's backwards glance, sharing her concern over the youngest Horaki's accelerated development of the family's curse. _A lance? Metaphysical biology…these aren't things she just 'overheard'. And the way her voice changed…._

He cleared the table, washing the dishes while he tried to make sense of the event. He'd have to trust that Kodama and Hikari could help her adapt to it, which ultimately left him trying to piece together the possible future from the possible past. Hikari and Kodama had different strengths, though both seemed to see in either direction or timeline. _Still_ , he frowned, _she made it sound like I was going to…Kaji._ Staring down into the empty sink, he felt his frustrations rise again, _Why would you tell me not to give up, and turn around and do_ just that?!

A pair of arms encircled him, "She fell right to sleep." Kodama's head laid atop his spine, "My little sister is growing up too fast. She's going to hit puberty _very_ soon, and a precocious puberty is going to wreak havoc on her."

Shinji tried to push his frustrations down to deal with the more immediate problem, "The…memory? Prophecy?"

"It didn't happen, Shinji. It will not happen." Her reply was firm, "On no Earth are you ever, _ever_ , allowed to take your own life. I don't care what happens, you fight on." He could feel her fingers dig into his waist, "You _never_ abandon my baby sister to the world alone." Stepping to his side, she dragged him by his shirt, "Let's go. I need to relax more now than I did earlier."

Kodama wasted no time getting out of her clothes, nearly fully nude before Shinji had even closed the door to his bedroom. As he reached the bathroom door, he blushed at the sight of his eldest roommate crouched down picking up the rebound from her missed shot at throwing her undergarments into his hamper. With only his overshirt off, he reflexively looked up to the side to avoid gawking, and worked at his belt with fidgety hands. _She's more beautiful out of her clothes. How is that even possible?_

A soft touch moved his hands aside, "Something wrong with the crown molding?"

 _I don't know if I'm in love with her. I'm one-thousand percent positive she's physically perfect._ "J-just…uhm…."

"Why, Mister Ikari," she breathed into his chest, "is that blush for little old me?"

He felt his belt slide from his waist.

"I guess I owe you something of an apology," she continued, ignoring the fact that he'd kept his eyes averted. "I had thought you weren't looking at me at the restaurant because you weren't interested."

His slacks fell to his ankles.

"I'm so used to lesser men," she teased her fingers under his shirt, "always leering. Wanting what they don't deserve, what they refuse to earn."

The scrape of the bathroom stool moving over was followed by his shirt being lifted up towards his head, Kodama's hair bobbing into the bottom of his range of vision.

"You weren't being distant during the dinner date," she disappeared for a second behind the t-shirt as it crested his head, "you were being you." A single nail traced a line down his sternum, then along his torso as she descended back to the ground to lift his legs up to remove his slacks and socks, "I was wrong to snap. I was wrong to think that I hadn't drawn your eye." Once all that remained was his boxer-briefs, she stood back up and took a step back, "I was wrong to become so wound up in my own desires that I forgot what was truly important."

He was painfully aware of a similar physical reaction to Kodama's mere presence to the one he had endured with Maya pressed against him, his chosen underwear doing little to hide it. When she remained silent, he hoped that she was just thinking of how to continue. Slowly, he realized that she was waiting for him to look. Swallowing hard, he felt his neck creak as he forced himself to cast his eyes upon the avatar of lust.

Her curves were the product of both a genetic lottery and hard work. That she ate healthy, worked hard, and took care of herself only added to the luster that was already present. A small part of him wanted to compare what he believed Hikari might look like at Kodama's age, only to be silenced as the rest of his mind shamed it for daring to contrast two sunrises. "Wh-what…uhm, what is th-that?"

She held her hands out to her sides, presenting herself as if a prize, "That all of this isn't what draws you to me. That I could lose my breasts to cancer, my hair to old age, my skin to the ravages of time and sun exposure. That my physical form, the thing I take so much pride in…it's just wallpaper to you." She smiled happily, "I keep hoping that you'll look my way, Shinji. And I keep forgetting that the reason I want you to…is that you're a better man than that."

The admission worked a strange spell on Shinji, and he suddenly felt a calm settle over him. Approaching the confusing older sister of his girlfriend, he took her hands in his and nodded, "You are…gorgeous. But you're right. I would hurt if I lost your company, Kodama, because you have a great heart. You hate to see people hurting, you hate to see people suffering. Physically or spiritually, you fight against that pain, and that makes me feel so…safe."

She tilted her head with a small grin, setting her hair to fanning over her shoulder, "Even when I overdo it?"

"I never want you to stop being you," he assured her. "Just…maybe give me a chance to explain before you engage."

"If it will make you look my way, Shinji," she stepped up against him, twining her fingers in his, "I'll give you anything you want."

+++++ 6th Angel + 3 : Wednesday (41)

Shinji, for the second day in a row, sat in the bath with a woman laying against his chest listening to him explain what had happened to him. Instead of a walkthrough of his life before the Fourteenth Angel, he walked Kodama through the events of the past few days. His hands were kept occupied, Kodama slowly closing each hand one finger at a time, then opening it up in the same manner. Where Maya had asked questions, she simply sat and let him talk. It was, as before, several hours before he'd finished.

After a heavy silence, she sighed, "That's terrible, Shinji."

"It doesn't excuse me yelling," he admitted quietly. "I've been so…stressed? Ever since the briefcase, my mind's been more open, but it also changed how I controlled my emotions. I get frustrated quicker. That column? I didn't see it today, so I guess Engineering fixed it. But when have you ever seen…well, there was the countertop."

"Shinji," turning slowly around, she laid with her chest around his ribs, "I agree with Maya. I feel completely safe with you. I know you're worried, but you walked past at least six people that pissed you off and chose to hit the one thing that wouldn't die. You aren't a violent person, except under extraordinary circumstances that would drive lesser men to murder, or abuse."

A small blush accompanied a tiny smile as he remembered the brilliant Captain comforting him in a similar manner, "It's mutual." _Honesty._ "When…you're not pushing me into things."

"We all have bad habits," she admitted with a playful tilt of her eyes and a shrug. Crawling up seductively, she let her smile project the hunger she felt, "You should feel fortunate, my dear sir." With her hands on his shoulders, she leaned forward and drew him into another kiss, "You're the first and only man to ever win affection from me."

They passed a few more moments exchanging that affection, before Shinji felt her hand caress something he'd not been quite ready for. "K-Kodama…."

"Shhh," she touched his lips with her fingertip. "No further than Hikari, that was the deal." Maintaining her slow ministrations, she worked her fingers along his jaw, "You've seen horrible things, Shinji. You've been forced to do things that you'll always carry with you." Her eyes, grey and green, shone with a sorrowful hope, "Let go. There's no reason for you to lock yourself away from happiness, and every reason to embrace the love we have to give."

"H-Hikari…." He wanted to give in, badly. Her skin was fire and ice at once, it called to him. "N-not right."

"She gave me permission, Shinji." Her tone was as gentle as her touch, "She gave _us_ permission. She'll come home, and we'll welcome her with warm and happy hearts. You'll help her recover, I'll tend to her medical needs, and soon the two of you can take that last step." Her pace remained slow and steady, "I know it's important to you that she be your first…and I can accept that. She's the one you fell in love with first, she's the one who brought you into our lives." Her eyes smoldered, "I just want to have a place by your side, Baby. I want to feel you pulse with life, to have my heart beat in your hands."

"Th-the water," he clung to the new protest, unable to counter her destruction of the old. "D-dirty."

Hooking the stopper from its place with her toes, she never once took her eyes from him or her hands from their task, "Then let's go to bed, shall we?" Slinking out of the tub without missing a beat, she showed a dancer's grace that was clearly a gift from her mother to her and her sisters. "That's where you and she had your first touch, wasn't it?"

He was coerced slowly towards the futon, without even a hint of toweling off. His training with the Shirakami, his experience in the Eva, none of it mattered as Kodama managed to execute a flawless game plan in her featherlight grappling of the larger man. He was on his back, with her straddling his waist just above her labors, before he knew it.

With her one arm bent behind her, she gave him a pleading glance, "Touch me?" Using her free hand she took one of his and slid it up her thigh, "Please?"

It was his desire to give what he received that pushed him forward more than anything. Saying 'No' to her stopped being an option once he'd climbed in the tub, and the further he crawled into the cave the more he realized that there was no going back the way he'd come. It was a trap built of honey-scented rose petal-soft surfaces, and he was stuck thoroughly.

With only slightly more experience than the woman he now shared his bed with, Shinji tried to apply what he'd learned during his experimentations with Hikari. Unlike her sister, Kodama didn't shy away at first. Hikari was ticklish, Kodama was hungry. Hikari's gasps were melodious, Kodama's were throaty. She was, in truth, not her sister.

Much like the first time, his second wasn't perfect. Her attempt at focusing his eyes wholly on her had created an awkward angle for her to work with, and there was the occasional moment where she feared that she'd hurt him instead of brought him pleasure. He was far more gentle than she'd wanted, a product of him using what he'd learned with Hikari. Regardless, it ultimately bore fruit, and when the mess had been made, Kodama guided him to the bathroom to once again shower clean.

A much faster wash, followed by her taking him by the hand and guiding him to her own bed, ended the mid-night tryst. She understood that he'd be unable to sleep, and only asked that he hold her for as long as he could before leaving to be about his day. It wasn't the total victory she wanted, but she felt he was coming around.

Author's Notes:

Martial Arts Master: RE: Cameos. Xu Yang is an original character. The Blue Crane staff are a nod to another story I wrote about Shinji finding a new way to deal with his traumas. So far there have been six non-OC actors in the story…though, how many have noticed them is something only they would know.


	47. Chapter 47

+++++ 6th Angel + 3 : Wednesday (41)

"You seem pensive, my friend," Suzuka tapped his leg with her sword, adjusting his stance. "What bodes you ill?"

"I'm…." He worried over 'kissing and telling'.

"Fear not for loose lips," she chided. "You know that I hold our friendship dearly by the truths I shared with you. If we are to spend a few centuries protecting the world together, it would do me poorly to set us at odds over anything short of you murdering Nozomi-chan." His reflexive grimace brought her eyebrow up, "If something threatens her, I do expect you to include me in the matter. While I am not her blood mother, I was the one to be trusted with her children's care after she and Toshiro-kun were reunited in the hereafter."

"It's…a mixture of things," at her nod, he flowed through the form she was teaching him. The morning's lessons were focused around learning to temper his attacks so that he had control over his own strength. "After dinner, Nozomi-chan…did the same thing Hikari-san and Kodama-san do from time to time."

"A bit young to be having a foretelling," Suzuka shook her head sadly. "I do not say this to place blame, but I would expect your presence to be the impetus for her growth. She cares for you deeply, and what little I understand of the matter would indicate such care as a powerful factor in the development of the ability." Holding up her hand, she reset him and showed his mistake, "I will speak with her, help her understand the care she must exercise."

"Thank you," Shinji said earnestly. "It's not something I really know how to approach, you know?"

"Nor is it what began this conversation," she gave him a sidelong look. "Would it help if I shared my own qualms? If I gave you a measure of my own trust to hold?" Without waiting for an answer, she nodded, "The other day, Suzuki-kun stayed out late with his men. He, of course, did not call me to inform me of his tardiness, nor did he share with me where he was going to be wasting his week's pay."

"That doesn't seem like something you should do, in a relationship." Shinji worked through his stance again, applying the corrections.

"You would do well to remember that, Shinji-dono. Though I have great doubt you will ever suffer from the same lazy vices as my husband," she sniffed in disapproval. "When he returned home, drunk as a smith after finishing ten hundredweight of arrowheads, he thought to perform his husbandly duties." Nodding after Shinji finished, she waved for him to repeat his success, "He will walk funny for a day or so as he once more reconsiders his decision-making."

"That's terrible, Suzuka-san," Shinji frowned. "He should tell you where he's going to be, so you don't worry. Especially…especially nowadays." He finished another repetition, "Though…striking him wasn't very nice either." Shifting back to the first pose, he sighed, "Not that he should have tried to do anything when you didn't want to."

"Relationships are complicated, Shinji-dono," she smiled, pleased that he had picked up the thread she was weaving. "More than once he's had to lay his hands to me when I have erred. It's an understanding that we have, as warriors, that there will be times that violence is used where words fail. Were you to do that to Hikari-chan, or she to you, it would be far different. Your restraint, your ability to use language instead of a closed fist, these are what will raise you above the common mercenary." She tapped his foot when it stepped incorrectly, "So, how has your relationship been complicated, my friend? Share your woes, so that they may weigh less upon your shoulders."

He hesitated, maintaining his physical movements, "I'm..."

She held her sword even with his neck, "If you say you are fine, Shinji-dono, I will be forced to have a note delivered to your 'fiancée'."

"You…heard about that."

"I hear many things, my friend." Her sword spun back to its place at her side, "I would prefer to hear them _from_ my friend."

Speeding up the exercise, Shinji let his haste work his frustrations loose. _She's right. I need to talk, and it needs to be with someone that's not involved in this…whatever it is._ Fifteen repetitions later, he stopped, holding his fist at the anticipated height of his foe's chest, "Kodama and I…we didn't do _that_ ," he amended before finishing his sentence, "but she…we…."

"Always the impatient one," Suzuka glowered in the direction of the Horaki home. "I believe I understand the crux of the matter." Turning to consider him, she frowned in thought, "You wouldn't wish to perform such an intimate act while Hikari-chan is in the hospital. She would practically require the intimacy, now that she has a man she favors. Her mother was much the same, needing a physical release for her emotional turmoil. What doesn't fit, however," she tilted her head, "is why."

He reset himself and began to work again, so that he wasn't wasting her time, "Why…why what?"

"Why you would engage her in this. You have better mastery of your self than she, and you are in confusion over your own feelings regarding her place in your life." She paced slowly, tapping her sword to the side of her leg, "Guilt is the likely culprit, but what is it that you have to feel guilty over? Not your excision of a few ne'er-do-wells from the body of society. That is typical, normal. This would be something you feel personally responsible for. It wouldn't be this redheaded stripling. She is of significance to you only in that she shares your occupation." She stopped, her eyebrows raising, "The child of science who took you home, however…yes, that would fit. Did you and Ibuki-chan engage in similar play, Shinji-dono? Are you finding her more to your liking than Kodama-chan?"

He hesitated between movements, fumbling the follow-through and stutter-stepping to a halt, "H-how did…."

"I have not spent my time idly admiring a strapping youth in motion, my friend." She smiled, patting his shoulder, "It truly would be easier for us both if you simply talked to me. I am not intending to judge you for your heart's muddle, nor am I demanding that you follow through on my advice from yesterday." Placing a knuckle under his chin to turn his face towards her, she winked, "I just wish to learn more about a man I'll spend several lifetimes enjoying the company of. The possibility of a good friend that will see the halls of eternity with me? I am no fool to stare overlong into his mouth judging his teeth."

Shinji could feel nothing but what she'd admitted to coming from the woman before him. As guarded as she often was, when she chose to open herself she radiated her emotions as clearly as he ever felt he himself did. "Maya-san stopped us before we…she felt so wonderful, Suzuka-san." He shrugged, "She…got me to think, and it's all tangling together in my head now. I shouldn't let them get closer to me, I should be pushing them away and-"

"I apologize, Shinji-dono," she held up her hand. "Why should you be pushing them away?"

"The people who are hunting me, Suzuka-san…they're willing to kill anyone they need to." He felt the rest should be obvious.

"Then I would recommend we kill them before they have the opportunity," she stated bluntly. "What, however, does this have to do with you pursuing a relationship with the children I would consider as my own flesh and blood? With the charming, if a bit easily abstracted, waif?"

"I…I was told by someone that has…he set me on the path I'm on, Suzuka-san. His words inspired me to try and fix everything that had gone wrong with my life, to strive to not be the…the weak, worthless, nobody that I was content to be." He saw her nod patiently, waiting for him to continue, "He told me that if I love them, I needed to push them away. That to keep them safe, I had to distance myself from them. Because SEELE is coming for me, and they'll stop at nothing to see me dead."

"That sounds typical of someone who is aggressively masculine," Suzuka snorted. "As if you could shoulder the world's challenges alone, forever suffering nobly while the woman you love remains safely ensconced in an ivory tower."

 _Kaji-san was…manly,_ Shinji admitted. "He's not wrong, though. SEELE's tried several times now to kill me, and I've…taken something…uhm, it wasn't by choice, but I now have something they apparently needed."

"Then we protect those you love, a task I understand you've already set this 'General' to doing, yes?" She waited for him to nod, "And as you suffer the pains of the war, Hikari-chan, Kodama-chan, and if you so desire, Ibuki-chan, will be there to comfort you as they drain the poisons from your body and soul." Her smile returned, "There was a Westerner who wrote a text some few decades after my birth, in it he put down a line that I've found to be rather true, even if the rest was a little too devoted to the church he favored. 'No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the Continent, a part of the Main; if a Clod be washed away by the Sea, Europe is the less, as well as if a Promontory were, as well as if a Manor of thy friends or of thine own were; any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in Mankind. And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee'."

Shinji worked the translation through carefully, "So…you're saying that I can't…can't treat them as separate from me?"

"The meaning is more that every death is given meaning only if those left behind use it meaningfully. That the death of a good man should be used as a lever to continue their good works. The death of a bad man should be treated as a lesson in how not to comport yourself." She tapped his chest, "But we are all tied as one body, Shinji-dono. Your death, whether on some distant shore or by her side, will cause Hikari-chan grief. Her death, whether at the hands of thugs or the front of a drunk driver's vehicle, would do the same to you. Would you rather keep her where you can reach out and shield her, or send her away to face the assassin's blade alone and cold?"

Suzuka's counter to Kaji's statement made sense, after a fashion, "What…what if I can't defend them, though?"

The willowy swordswoman shrugged, "What if a drunk driver hits her the day she comes home?"

"…The driver may not make it to the jail," Shinji muttered darkly, blinking in surprise at how quickly he went towards a violent solution.

"Nor would the assassins live to enjoy their shallow victory," Suzuka agreed easily. "Our life is one of martial combat, Shinji-dono. We make those we love aware of that, we let them make an informed decision, and then we honor their choices as our own. The rest is all in the timing, like any other war to be waged and won."

+++++ 6th Angel + 3 : Wednesday (41)

Standing in the classroom, Shinji frowned at the chalkboard. At some point between the last to leave the previous day, and his arrival as the first to class in the morning, someone had written on the surface an exhortation to elect Shinji as Prime Minister. He wanted to erase it, to simply ignore it, but he held back as he thought through what those actions might do. Someone had done this and ignoring it wouldn't resolve the root problem. _I'm not a leader. I'm certainly not old enough to be Prime Minister, I can't even be a member of the Diet._

"You are not twenty-five," Rei stated in her quiet monotone from the doorway. "Nor is anyone other than the teachers of the age of suffrage."

"Rei-s…Rei," Shinji caught himself, "it's good to see you." He smiled at the look of mild confusion on her face as she considered the board.

"I am pleased to know you have returned unharmed," she floated over, standing on the toes of her right foot and pulling his head down by the collar so that she could kiss the side of his mouth. "I kept as close a watch as I was allowed over Hikari-san in your absence, and am pleased to report that nobody made an effort to terminate her existence."

 _Only you, Rei-san._ "Thank you, Rei," he gave her his hopeful smile. "I'm glad to know that she had someone I trust watching over her."

The memory of his foe's words whispered through his mind, _Would you prefer something in blue?_

Turning as she walked past him, he thought of the best means to address his concerns. _Start with the simple,_ "I…wanted to ask you a question, recently, and realized I don't have your number."

Setting down her bag, she looked at him with that slight tilt her head managed when confused, "You do not?"

Pulling out his phone, he offered it to her, "Nobody gave it to me…and I realized when Hikari-san found out about the mass in her brain that I had no way to reach you."

Walking over, she delicately took the device and opened his phone book. A few taps brought up an entry filed under a seemingly random series of digits, which she dutifully showed to him, "It is entered under my employee identification number, here."

"Your…Rei I don't know your EIN," he sighed. "Let me fix this." Taking the phone back he edited the title to her name, "Now I can get a hold of you if something comes up."

Her eyes flickered slightly, "Why would you have needed to contact me following Hikari-san's diagnosis?"

Shinji frowned, "I…was worried." _Do they just do that? I can't remember watching her eyes that closely, she never faced me._

"You sought comfort?" Stepping closer, she placed her hands on his torso atop his ribs, "I apologize, Shinji. I would not have anticipated you seeking me out for such. Had I been more cognizant of your needs, I would have presented myself sooner." He could feel her pain, the thought that she had failed him yet again dominating her minute tells.

"I was worried about you," laying a hand on her shoulder, he tried to project a sense of confidence. "I…." He looked around, then leaned in placing his face alongside her own, "I was told that the Sixth Angel would attack. And there was a fifty-fifty chance it was you that would face it." His tells were blocked from her line-of-sight, and it was a true enough statement besides.

The response was almost anticipated, "Who told you?" Her hand, warm and soft, reached up to lay on the back of his neck, "Can they be trusted in the future?"

"My father," he responded coldly. "I wouldn't trust him if he said the sun would set tonight, Rei. But he was correct, and his telling me meant I thought to take my plugsuit." _Time to roll the dice,_ "Have you heard anything…from our mutual friend?"

"Her voice has been quiet," Rei admitted with a sad tinge to her tone. "I have missed having her to confer with. Her advice on approaching you has been…useful."

Standing back up straight, he felt her hand trail along his shoulder then back to his chest, _She doesn't seem to be acting like Ritsuko._ "Have you met Soryu-san?" _She's just learning how to be supportive. Even I would have picked up on her attempting to seduce me._

"I have not. They kept me in Unit-00 during Unit-02's activation cycle, then had me engage in testing as I had already missed our scheduled class times. Though I heard her vocalize her contempt for needing a 'babysitter'." He saw a brief flash of darkness cross her face, "She did state that she had expected you to be present."

"It's possible that I messed up her Eva, during the fight against the Sixth," Shinji grimaced. "I guess she might have wanted me there to answer for any flaws in the activation following that."

+++++ 6th Angel + 3 : Wednesday (41)

The agent standing outside of the classroom was performing the standard scan of the local area, keeping an eye for anything out of the ordinary. Her impression of Shinji Ikari was that he was a calm, gentle, man that you did _not_ want to piss off. She'd been present for the explosive result of him finally being pushed past his limits, and had no hopes whatsoever that her ability to shut him down would overcome his ability to stomp her flat. His disbelief was evident as he read the board, and he seemed exasperated more than encouraged.

When the oddball that was the First Child walked into the classroom and commented on the message someone had left for the class, the agent giggled silently. It seemed perfectly in line with her profile that she'd comment on the viability rather than the curiosity of the matter. The two spoke in muted tones, which suited the agent just fine. To her, the two were a good team. She'd heard Shinji's exhortations that Rei could be even better than he was, given the chance. Rei, to the contrary, only ever asked what she could do to not be stuck on the sidelines when 'her leader' went out to fight.

Her eyebrow raised when Shinji bent down, amazed that the two appeared to be kissing!

Iðunn Haraldson's voice popped her in the ear, "Agent, what is the principle doing at the moment?"

A quick sidestep to get a better angle on the scene showed that the young man's face was anything but engaging in a little pre-class affection with his wingman. Her relief was evident in her report, "He seems to be conferring privately with his fellow pilot. From his mood, I'd say he's not happy with the information he's receiving, over."

There was a slight pause, and then a hesitant, "They're not…kissing?"

"Negative, ma'am. Only the one greeting kiss from his number one fan." She saw her fellow agent, who stood with her back to the door, roll her eyes with a grin. "I'd guess Ayanami is just telling him about how Soryu was talking trash about Unit-00 and Unit-01, over."

"Roger," the disembodied voice replied. "Maintain awareness."

Letting her mic switch back off, the agent gave a flat look to her fellow, "Is it me, or does she seem really interested in his sex life lately?" She found that by switching to English, most anyone that heard them was unaware of their conversation locally.

"I'm interested in his sex life," the other agent shrugged. "He's the hottest man I've seen in ages."

"Don't be creepy," the agent scowled. "He's seventeen, you're fifty-two."

"Meh." The response more or less ended the discussion, as more students poured into the area to begin the classes.

+++++ 6th Angel + 3 : Wednesday (41)

In the car ride to NERV, Shinji let his head rest against the doorframe. Rei sat next to him, primly, watching the world go past. Akane drove with the skill and talent only she and Misato seemed to possess in spades. Mikoto worked on her phone. Everything around him seemed to be on hiatus, a true lull in the otherwise busy days he had anymore. _There was a time where I was bored,_ he thought. _When did I stop knowing what boredom was?_

The reprieve, while short lived, gave him time to contemplate what he'd learned over the day. Shinobu and Yang had joined him by the tree again, seemingly civil despite the barbed looks he ignored for the sake of the greater peace. They weren't going to be fast friends, but the fact that they could at least sit and eat while sharing his time was something to work from. Rei had occupied most of his time during lunch, requesting that he explain what he knew of her fellow pilot. The other two were interested for only long enough to know that Asuka wouldn't be joining the school.

The two agents outside of the room had a tendency to speak in English with each other, sharing pithy observations and commentary on the gaggle of women that crowded his desk. He doubted they knew he heard them, but appreciated that their discussions weren't pejorative. They never lost focus of their mission, and he valued having them around. If things went south at school, he wouldn't be alone in saving everyone. From what he'd seen, there were at least twelve agents in the area wherever he went, but only two directly visible at a time.

Running various scenarios through his mind, he began to draw up plans for reacting to anything from someone walking into the class and pulling out a weapon to a gas attack. After the fifteenth revision, he blinked and stopped to actually think about what he was doing. _How do I know_ any _of this?_

 _The same way you know how to summon fish,_ Dark whispered in his head. _The women in the front of this vehicle are fiercely loyal to you. Despite your 'enhancements', you've remained the same young man they met…at least, in the way that you act and react._

Shinji frowned, _What does that have to do with anything?_

Her frustrated reply brought Rei's eyes over towards him, _What they know, you will begin to know. What they can do, you'll become more adept at._ The voice became intensely sarcastic, _What is it that they do, again?_

 _They…defend us._ Shinji looked to Rei, seeing her eyes were on a point just past his head, "Rei?"

"You should not allow others to speak ill of you, Shinji," she replied obliquely. "You have accomplished much, in a short time. That you are not familiar with everything is neither a flaw, nor something that you should feel shame over."

"She raises a good point, Shinji-kun," Mikoto looked over her shoulder with a loose smile. "If people are jumping on you for not being perfect, my opinion is screw 'em. Let's see them do better."

"I…I'll try," he stated uncertainly. _So…is this going to mean I'll know their thoughts too?_ He waited for a few moments, _Dark?_ When no reply seemed forthcoming, he grimaced and shook his head. _I should have expected that._

+++++ 6th Angel + 3 : Wednesday (41)

Walking up to Hikari's hospital room, Shinji kept his pace comfortable for the ballerina at his side. Rei's ability to move fluidly, and impressively fast for her size, would have been put to the test had he moved as quickly as he wanted to. He only had a limited time to see the woman he loved today, and he wanted to take advantage of it. He also, however, wanted to be fair. Asuka had been given a chance to speak to Hikari with him there, so now Rei would be given the same opportunity.

Placing his hand on the door, "I'll be right back out, Rei," he promised. "If she's not in a fit state for guests, we'll try again later."

"A sound precaution," she agreed simply. "I will position myself where I can see potential threats while I wait."

 _It's a work in progress._ He wanted her to stop seeing everything as a threat to someone, but the fact that she was communicating in more than three words bursts at all was something to celebrate. Pushing the door open as he received a wink and a grin from one of the more gregarious agents that he'd seen around, he caught a promising noise. Hikari was laughing, and Asuka sat on her stool with her hands held as if she were demonstrating the positions people were in.

"…as hard as he could. I had never seen a more idiotic expression on someone's face, as if she'd been flabbergasted that he would tell her 'No'." Twirling her fingers around her ears, she rolled her eyes, "Because, of course, the 'hottest' woman in the class would never be told that by some _man_. Doesn't he know she was doing him a favor?" She caught sight of her fellow Pilot, "And speaking of favors," she stood up, gesturing to the stool for him to take it instead, "you are going to owe me a few for not chewing that cow's head off, Shinji."

Hikari's smile faded quickly, "Was there a problem?"

"Idunn-san and Asuka had a…disagreement," Shinji replied diplomatically. Reaching the stool, he sat down and took Hikari's hand with a fond smile.

"No, 'Idunn-san'," she stated the name with a slight mocking irritation, "told us that she wouldn't allow you to go to dinner somewhere on the way to your house." Moving to the end of the bed, she crossed her arms under her chest, "And it is only because I understand that you have a penchant for being a good Soldat that I didn't jump on you too. You can't just let her rule your life, Shinji." She flicked a finger towards the bed-ridden Class Rep, "That's her job."

Shinji quickly reviewed the rules for living with Asuka, and decided to engage one of his favored tactics: deflection. Shifting his attention back to Hikari, he asked gently, "Are you up for more company, Hikari? Rei wanted to stop in and say hello, but if you're tired, I'm sure she'll understand."

"I don't mind," Hikari backed Shinji's play perfectly. "I heard she stopped by several times while I was asleep, I'd like to thank her for trying to keep me company."

Asuka tilted her head towards the door, "She outside? This is the pilot of Unit-00, right?"

"Yes," Shinji nodded, "on both counts. Since you're here, we could maybe introduce you two."

"Fair enough," the fiery redhead waved for him to stay seated, "I'll bring her in. You let Hikari soak in the affection." Strutting over to the door, she pulled it open and waved to the waiting bluenette, "Hey, come on in. Shinji's over there and Hikari says she'd love to see you." Stepping back out of the way, she waited until Rei was closer before offering her hand, "Nice to meet you, fellow robo-jockey. I'm Asuka Langley Soryu, but you can just call me Asuka."

Rei considered the extended limb for a second, a slight frown creasing her flawless features. "I do not believe that is socially appropriate at this time." Moving past the suddenly confused foreigner, she floated to stand on Shinji's left side. Bowing politely to Hikari, her tone returned to its traditional form, "I am pleased that you are recovering as anticipated, Class Representative. During your absence, several students have taken turns performing the bare minimum needed to maintain decorum. However," she gestured slightly towards Shinji, "Lead Pilot Ikari proved today that your faith in him is well earned. He was able to parlay four rapidly escalating conflicts into acceptable solutions for all parties involved, prevented three students from other classrooms from suffering undue social pressures, and successfully ignored the attempts of two of the individuals from the 'Shinji Ikari Fan Club' to maneuver him into a position where they would be able to enact romantic overtures."

Shinji blinked, "I what now?"

Hikari sighed, keeping her attention focused on Rei. "Rei-san," she began slowly, "it's good to see you. You don't have to report in to me like I'm Misato-san. I appreciate that you're keeping an eye on Shinji for me, but I'm also just happy that you took the time to stop by and visit."

Asuka had listened to the information dump with an increasingly perplexed scowl, "Do you always speak like you swallowed a MAGI terminal?" Leaning on the foot of Hikari's bed, she flicked her gaze to Shinji, "I'm not wrong, right? It's like she's regurgitating code."

"Rei is…not used to socially complex environments," Shinji practiced the euphemistic speech that the military personnel around him had favored. Of late, he'd begun to find it useful for not offending anyone. "She wasn't allowed to make friends growing up, Asuka. So we're working on helping her adjust to being a part of a group."

"Ugh," the redhead sagged in an exaggerated display of contempt. "What is it with NERV Tokyo and messing with the pilots? First, I find out that you were thrown to the wolves," she gestured to Shinji, then to Rei, "now I find out that this one wasn't allowed to make friends!" Standing tall, she rubbed her hands together, "Well then, I think the best place to start would be inviting you to that dinner our Lead Pilot is planning. Do you eat German food, Rei? He'll be making schnitzel."

Shinji quickly turned to Hikari, who nodded slightly. "She told me, Shinji," the freckle-faced beauty began, squeezing his hand encouragingly, "I think it's wonderful that you're trying to build up a sense of belonging and camaraderie for your fellow pilots."

"I am a vegetarian," Rei pronounced, adding with a look of contempt, "I also do not believe I am interested in joining you for a meal, Soryu-san."

"Rei?" Shinji felt as shocked as Hikari looked, "What's wrong?" She'd acted increasingly rude of late, interacting with specific people in ways that he would almost describe as barely disguised hatred.

"I'm sorry," Asuka started in a tone of voice that indicated she was anything but, "I don't remember pissing in your breakfast cereal this morning, Liebste. Care to enlighten me as to what I did?"

"Asuka," standing, Shinji planted himself between the starkly contrasted pilots, "maybe we can talk about this later." He left the last, yet most obvious, piece unspoken, _Where we're not going to get Hikari worked up._

"There is no need to extend our timeframe," the albino pilot regarded Shinji with a slight shrug. "I do not desire to interact with people who carry themselves with false pretenses."

A great deal of the Asuka he remembered shone through in her retort, " _False pretenses?_ This from a semi-animate personal computer?"

Noting Hikari's hand twitch on the button that fed her pain reducing IV feed, Shinji barked out a quiet, but forceful, " _Enough_." Glaring between his two fellow pilots, he allowed his own anger to make a public appearance, "We are in a hospital room. I expect you to act like the professionals we are supposed to be. If you can't control yourself," his hand pointed blindly to the exit, "that door works."

It was Asuka that reacted first, though her actions only slightly fit what he thought would happen, "You're right." The same angry smile showed for a second day in a row as she looked to Hikari, "I'm sorry, mein Freund, I should have kept my tone civil." Glancing to Shinji with a look that hovered between respect and irritation, she inclined her head a fraction of a centimeter, "Thank you for reminding me of my duty, Shinji. I'll get going, they'll be expecting us in a bit for testing."

Letting his frown dissipate, he bowed in farewell, "Thank you, Asuka. I'll be there soon."

"You should head out too, Ayanami-chan," Misato declared from the doorway. The powerful Tactical Commander held a look of heavy displeasure for the two women, softening only when her eyes trailed over Shinji. Standing aside for Asuka, she whispered something that brought a snort of derision but no tangible response. As Rei flowed from the room, Misato held out her hand and added something for her as well. Her eyebrow raised at the quiet reply, then she flicked her head for the young woman to continue. Approaching the bedside, she let her irritation go and smiled fondly at Hikari, "I'm sorry about that, Hikari. At least Shinji was able to head it off before it got out of hand. Good job," Gripping the young man's shoulder, she nodded in approval, "you handled that perfectly, Shinji. I was about to start barking, but you said just what I was thinking."

Hikari's voice was slightly weakened from her medication, and it was obvious that her head ached somewhat as she winced when she spoke, "That's not like Rei-san. I can see Asuka-san rubbing someone wrong, she has that kind of love-it-or-leave-it personality, but all she did was greet Rei-san and ask her to go to dinner with her fellow pilots."

Misato looked to Shinji, "That true?"

Shinji nodded, confusion evident in his shrug, "I had the same idea, honestly. I thought I could emulate the officers aboard the _Over the Rainbow_ , build up a good working relationship with Asuka-san and Rei-san. It made me…I don't know, I was happy for a second to think that Asuka-san was open to the idea." _She'd never have done it, in the other timeline._

"Hmph," Misato glowered. "I'll have to ask Rei-chan later tonight at home, then." She brightened, putting on a confident public face, "I'll do what I can to support you, Shinji. I think you're doing great, and I want you to keep pushing forward on esprit de corps despite this stumbling block."

"I will, Misato-san," Shinji agreed simply. "Did you stop by to say 'hello' before the tests?"

"Actually, I stopped by to give a change of orders for you," her eyes settled in the 'I'm giving bad news' position. It was a look he was far too familiar with. "The UN won't be put off any longer, and they want you to testify today. I'd be there, but I elected to send Maya instead. Of the two of us, I think I'll be better at corralling the two misfits during the tests, and she'll do a better job of stopping you from being bullied."

"I…understand," he looked down to the ground. _Great. Now I have to go over the crimes this voice caused without explaining how I know that it wasn't her fault._

"I'm sorry, Shinji," Misato rubbed his shoulder. "I'd be there myself, but we have to get Unit-02 ready to perform. I argued against this, because I wanted to have you there too, but the Acting Commander backed General Benoit."

"It's not your fault, Misato-san." Shinji looked over to Hikari as she squeezed his hand, "I have to repay my debts. General Benoit kept his word, so I have to keep mine."

"A Shinji always keeps his word," Hikari said with a sad smile.

Standing, he leaned over and gently kissed her cheek, "Maybe I'll take your last name. Then you won't have to change the saying." _Suzuka-san is right…I'm not letting you go. I'll let the rest of the world burn to ashes, just to keep you for one more day._

As he stood back up straight, he saw a blush grow across his girlfriend's features, "W-well, we can certainly consider that possibility. Though, I'd been looking forward to becoming Hikari Ikari, just to make people sound like they were confused." Shifting some, unable to sit still as she processed his declaration and everything it implied, she voiced her curiosity, "Have you…given thought to it? You know… _that_?"

 _Spirits of all, you are beautiful._ He smiled, a sudden playfulness permeating his thoughts, "I'll tell you what. You come home to us, and I'll share what I've been thinking over a nice homecooked meal."

The sound of a kettle boiling brought Shinji's eyes towards Misato, who was biting down on her finger and squealing in abject glee. Bearhugging him, unable to contain herself any longer, she giggled, "My little man is such a romantic!"

A slight bit saddened that her enormously powerful hugs were no longer capable of even shifting him, let alone picking him up from the ground, Shinji allowed a melancholy smile to linger. _It's a far better world, even with the horrible things that have happened._ Looking back to Hikari, who had a tired grin on her face as she contemplated the pair before her, he nodded, _And you're the one who started it all, Hikari._

+++++ 6th Angel + 3 : Wednesday (41)

Shinji walked into the chambers cautiously. Inside, Idunn, Kozo, Maya, Philip, and two other people he didn't recognize stood in a loose circle engaging in small talk. Suppressing the urge to duck back out and just leave, he stepped in and waited patiently to be recognized.

"Ah, Shinji-kun," Kozo noticed the young man's arrival first and directed attention towards him. "It's good to see you. How is Hikari-chan doing today?"

"She was falling back to sleep when I left, sir," Shinji cautiously approached the small group. "She says she's feeling stronger. I'm just hoping they can uncover her left eye soon…I miss seeing them both."

"She's a fighter, son," General Benoit assured him. "I wouldn't ask you to do this today if it weren't important. I've delayed as long as they'll let me." Gesturing to a woman of indeterminate Asian origin, he introduced the first of the unknowns, "This is Xīn Fènghuáng, your UN-appointed attorney."

Layering her hands atop each other, the attorney bowed in the style he recognized from some of Misato's Kung Fu films, "I am pleased to meet you, Mister Ikari."

Returning the bow quickly, Shinji replied tentatively, "A pleasure to meet you, Xīn-san. Please take good care of me."

"Her job, Shinji," Maya stepped up to his side, lightly rubbing his back, "is to make certain that the questions asked are in accordance with the laws, and to protect your rights. I know you've never had to deal with a lawyer before, so I don't want you feeling confused."

"Just so, Miss," Fènghuáng smiled pleasantly. Facing Shinji fully, she gestured to a nearby table, "Why don't the three of us sit down and go over the basics. You can share any worries you have, and I'll do what I can to prepare you for the inquest."

+++++ 6th Angel + 3 : Wednesday (41)

Kozo watched calmly as Shinji was herded over to the table he'd be testifying at, worry eating at him. Gesturing towards an empty corner of the room, he moved away with General Benoit and Idunn, "He's dealing well with the trauma, Benoit-san, but I promise you I will shut this down at the first sign that he's being badgered needlessly. UN committee or no, I am not going to support my best asset being treated like he's some animal."

"Nor will I, Kozo, it's why I asked for Fènghuáng. Shinji seems to respond better to ladies than he does to men, and she is one of the best at what she does." The man in charge of the investigation tried to return the tenor of the conversation to a more collegial one. "I didn't bring you in here as a nicety. I intended for you to be present, and to see how I will expect your staff to be treated. The reports from the Fleet, and my conversations with Admiral Drake, paint a picture of a young man that we neither understand nor fully appreciate. This is just to get it on the record that he is no threat to anyone but the Angels."

Idunn sided with Kozo against her supervisor, "He's a teenager who's been exposed to aliens, sexual assault, childhood abuse, abandonment, physical assault, weapons fire, suicide…need I go on? He's already demonstrated he's no threat, sir."

"The matter of Ryoji Kaji," Kozo jumped onto a point he'd intended to make, "I assume you read the report, Philip?" If the General wanted to play at friendliness, he'd oblige him. For now.

"I have asked part of my team to follow through with the electronic records from the MAGI, as well as to investigate any other correspondence methods they can locate." The older officer sighed, "Who this 'Message in a Perfume Bottle' is, I don't know. But we'll find out. Whatever they had previously threatened him with, it was clearly too much for him to risk happening."

"He was to report to Gendo Ikari," the old professor added quietly. "The package…was originally for him."

"We'll head there after this," Philip frowned. "I assume this wasn't in the written report for a reason?"

"The same reason I'll shut this inquest down, if I have to. Our enemy has too many ears, and we too few." Kozo looked back to Shinji, "A part of me wishes that he isn't truly human. Perhaps his pain would be lessened if he knew he wasn't the same as the rest of us miserable wretches."

+++++ 6th Angel + 3 : Wednesday (41)

Fènghuáng's demeanor reminded Shinji a great deal of Misato. She spent most of the briefing making light of everything, with interspersed seriousness as needed. Every time she stressed that he only answer the question asked, and not what he thought the question was, he saw the same deadly seriousness his guardian had used when teaching him how to use the pallet rifle. Whenever she had a chance, though, she poked fun at her own profession. "It's like my dad used to say, 'Fènghuáng, I love you dearly, but the world would be a lot better if your job simply vanished'."

Shinji smiled softly, "I'm glad that your father loves you, ma'am. But it sounds like people like you are necessary to protect innocent people from being hurt by the powerful."

"He was from Vũng Tàu, and had a great deal of trouble with the legal system there, Shinji." The woman smiled in appreciation of the pilot's demeanor, "He would have liked you. Honestly. He always wanted to fill the city with honest men who just wanted to do right by each other."

"Vũng Tàu," Maya thought for a second. "That was…oh, I'm sorry."

"He died as he lived, Miss Ibuki," the woman waved away the concern. "When the waves struck, he was still trying to assist others in escaping to the high ground outside of the flood zone. Because of him, thousands of people lived." Her eyes returned to Shinji, "Another reason he would have liked you. So," she smiled charmingly, "any other questions before we begin?"

"Who," Shinji gestured politely towards the male he hadn't been introduced to, "is that?"

"He's my counterpart," she stated simply. "He won't be greeting you informally, as his job is to represent the interests of the UN and he needs to remain impartial. I promise, though, he's not personally antagonistic to you. He's a good guy, with a tough job. Not everyone is as forthright as you are, Shinji. Often times I have to defend people who have done horrible things against a system that wants to railroad them to prove a point. His job is to seek the truth, just like mine is, only from a different perspective."

"Miss Xīn," almost as if on cue, the British lawyer turned to face the table, "is your client prepared? I should like us to be done before too much longer."

"He's ready, _Lord_ Edgeworth," his Vietnamese-Chinese counterpart answered with a sparkling grin. "We can go ahead and start when you want."

A withering look, tinged with an underlying fondness for his adversary, was followed with a single raised eyebrow and a shake of his head. "Then, General, if you and your guests would find your seats. I'll turn on the video recorder and we'll begin." Waiting just long enough for the sound of chairs scraping against the floor to subside, he flicked a switch on his table and faced the globe-shaped device, "In regards to official inquest number six two seven seven eight three one dash one eight. Miles Edgeworth, introducing participants. Sitting at the fore is Xīn Fènghuáng, acting attorney for the subject of investigation. To her right, Shinji Ikari, subject of investigation. To his right, Maya Ibuki, acting guardian for the subject of investigation. Observing the proceeding: General Philip Benoit V, Chief of the United Nations Inspectors General Corps. Kozo Fuyutsuki, Acting Commander of NERV's Tokyo-3 branch. Idunn Haraldson, head of the protective detail for the subject of investigation. Header ends."

Looking over his notes once more, he turned to face Shinji, "Mister Ikari, we are here today to determine the order of events with regards to your time as a quasi-employee of the UN agency 'NERV'. As your counsel has no doubt informed you, this is not a legal proceeding. We are investigating to determine what, if any, legal remedies needs must be brought to bear. That said, you will now be asked to profess that your answers will be honest and truthful to the best of your knowledge. Do you so affirm?"

"I-I do," Shinji nodded.

"Excellent," the stern-appearing man smiled politely. "Thank you for agreeing to be here today. The first matter we would like to address is the matter of your rearing. Your biological patron, one," he checked his notes, "Gendo Ikari, left you in the care of a distant relation. An investigation performed by General Benoit's staff determined that you were subjected to abuses during your time in his care, is that correct?"

Shinji frowned, "I…I, uhm…."

"To be more specific," Miles offered, "you were punished physically for incorrect responses to homeschool-created instruction. Forced to both cook and clean at an age where operating devices that produce great heat might be dangerous. Withheld from public education, and opportunities to create a peer-group, in favor of remaining indoors for all but the most dire needs. Would you say that these statements are true?"

Shinji nodded.

The man turned back to the camera, "Please note that the subject of investigation indicated an affirmation non-verbally. Counselor?"

"Shinji, you need to speak your answers, please. I know it can be hard, but it's very important." The woman looked for a nod from her counterpart, "If you wouldn't mind verbally answering?"

"Wh-what you said is true," he stated quietly.

"Thank you." Miles once more referred to his notes, "You arrived in Tokyo-3 by train, correct?"

"Yes, sir."

"Where you were met by…Misato Katsuragi?"

"Yes, sir."

"For the record, Captain Misato Katsuragi is acting Sub-Commander of NERV Tokyo-3. At the time, she was solely the Tactical Commander in charge of the Evangelion weapons systems." Looking back to Shinji, he kept his face carefully neutral, "Following your first engagement with an Angel, you were placed into the care of Captain Katsuragi. How would you describe the living accommodations you were provided?"

Shinji blinked, "I-I'm sorry?"

"In your own words," he clarified, "please describe the manner in which she intended to house you."

"I…uhm," he tried to balance offering too much with being honest, "I think she needed a bit more warning before she had a houseguest." He frowned, _Where did_ that _answer come from?_ "I don't know that anyone had a plan for where to put me, except maybe alone in some dorm room on base. She tried to offer me a home, even insisted I say, 'I'm home,' instead of, 'Sorry for bothering you'. She just…hadn't really cleaned in a while."

"I see," Miles seemed to accept the answer. "Are you indicating that her apartment was unsanitary?"

"N-not as bad as it might seem," Shinji waved his hands before his chest. "J-just…after Nagano, I was used to much cleaner."

The lawyer moved on, "Are you aware of who authorized your housing?"

Shinji scowled, "She said the Commander had."

"You are referring to Gendo Ikari, then Commander of NERV Tokyo-3, and the head of the E-Project?"

"Yes, sir."

"Thank you." The point, whatever it may have been, seemed to have been made, and he changed topics, "During your free time, you struck up a friendship with a local young woman. Hikari Horaki. How would you characterize your relationship?"

Fènghuáng spoke firmly, "Relevance?"

Miles dutifully faced his counterpart, "Simply attempting to clarify who is providing influencing factors to your client, Counselor. Miss Horaki is not considered a subject of this investigation. However, his interpersonal relationships impact his decision making. Is that satisfactory?"

She retained her tone of voice, "So long as you keep your questions confined to his official duties, or to the incidents in question, yes."

"Of course." He turned back to Shinji, "Now, if you would kindly answer the question?"

"She's…my girlfriend," Shinji blushed slightly.

"Thank you." After a pause, he carried on, "Four days after your arrival, and subsequent battle, you were with Miss Horaki alone in Captain Katsuragi's apartment. During this time, you became injured. According to the medical notes," he read from a paper, "the wound was 'a deep laceration, tainted with a presence indicative of common household porcelain'." Looking back up, he frowned, "What caused the injury?"

Shinji looked down to his lap, "I stepped on a teacup."

Miles raised an eyebrow, "To what purpose?"

Once more, Fènghuáng cut in, "Relevance? The injury was sustained during off-duty hours, and was listed by all parties as an accident. 'Why' does not impact this investigation."

"I withdraw the question," her counterpart stated graciously. "Following the injury," he changed tactics, "you were placed in the care of Doctor Ritsuko Akagi, then Chief Scientist for NERV Tokyo-3's Science Department. Correct?"

Shinji nodded, dreading what was to follow, "Yes, sir."

The man sat down on his table's edge, "During this care, you were immersed in a special formulation of what is referred to as 'LCL'. This formulation, known as 'L-Nine', do you recall how you felt when you came into contact with it?"

"I was amused," Shinji smiled slightly at the memory.

The unexpected answer led to a brief pause, "Amused?" Miles looked to his notes, "Please expand, if you would."

"Maya-san was upset with Misato-san," Shinji felt his smile grow. "Misato-san was teasing Hikari-san, and Maya-san doesn't like that part of Misato-san's personality. Ritsuko-san was just sitting there watching the show. I think she was less lonely, at that moment. It was…funny."

The man seemed dubious, "So, in your opinion, there was nothing abnormal about the 'L-Nine' formulation?"

"Not until I woke up," Shinji offered with a shrug. "I remember them carrying on, then I remember waking up in a strange bed. Nothing in between."

"As you know, that was your last day in what I will describe as your 'old' body. You felt nothing, during the transition?"

Shinji shook his head, "I fell asleep."

Miles' scowl deepened, "Would you say that's common, while in 'L-Nine'?"

"He is not an expert in the subject," Fènghuáng interjected. "Anything he offers to that question is hearsay at best."

"Counselor," Miles began, before being cut off with a raised finger.

She wasn't having any of it, "He cannot add to the investigation what he cannot adequately remember. The record shows he fell asleep, and without consistent exposure to the chemicals he can't offer more than his opinion. Facts are not subject to opinions, and we do not deal in anything but facts. Move on."

A short stare down followed, after which he once more referenced his notes, "Fifteen days after your first engagement against the enemy known as the 'Third Angel', you were with Miss Horaki, and her younger sister. There was a disturbance on the train platform you were waiting upon, and an individual displaying signs of a mental imbalance attempted to accost one," he paused to check the name, "Nozomi Horaki. During the event, this individual wandered too close to the platform's edge, and you rescued her from being struck by the train. Do you recall these events?"

Shinji winced, "Y-yes."

Miles pressed him, "Please describe your efforts to save this individual's life."

He looked back down to the table, "I…uhm…tackled her to the other side of the train platform."

"For the record, the distance between those platforms has been measured to be three point four meters," the lawyer added. "During your rescue, you sustained injuries that left you comatose for several days. Were you sanctioned for your actions?"

Shinji looked back up, confused, "Sanctioned?"

The man tried to explain, "Loss of pay, status, or benefits?"

"N-not really."

Miles nodded slowly, "Subsequent investigations revealed that the individual accosting Miss Horaki had-"

"I would remind everyone that the investigation remains classified," Kozo cut in. "Lead Pilot Ikari has not been read-on for that clearance."

"For the record," Miles started again with a hint of irritation, "that was Acting Commander Fuyutsuki speaking." Looking over to General Benoit, he held up a copy of the investigation into the assassination attempt, "This investigation requires that we inquire with the subject about _all_ events related, General. If this is a roadblock, we may as well stop here."

"It was an assassination attempt," Shinji stated, looking sadly towards his commander. "I don't know how, or why, but it's the only answer that makes sense considering what Idunn-san said at the Jet Alone exhibition." _Why they wouldn't tell me what it is that this SEELE wants from me?_

"We'll…officially read you on later, Shinji-kun," the old man sagged. "Please remember that anything related to this is classified, and not to be discussed outside of official reports."

Miles considered Shinji for a second, "For the record, that was once more Acting Commander Fuyutsuki giving permission to discuss the events surrounding the first known attempted assassination on the subject." He set his notes down, "Subsequent investigations revealed that the individual had a known nerve agent, the formulation and amount would have been sufficient to kill everyone within thirty meters of the point of impact within minutes. Why such a method was chosen remains unknown. My question is, were you unaware that anyone was targeting you specifically?"

"I didn't know someone would try to kill me," Shinji answered honestly.

He paused, "You have no enemies, to your knowledge, that you feel could confidently acquire chemical weapons?"

"I…I..." Shinji's brow knit, _The truth. Why am I the only one who's forced to tell the truth?_

Miles, his voice surprisingly gentle, appealed for assistance, "Counselor?"

Fènghuáng leaned down to catch his eyes, "Shinji, it's important that you answer honestly. You're not going to get in trouble for telling the truth, I promise."

"SEELE," Shinji snapped, looking back up to the investigator. "I don't know them. I don't know who they are, I don't know what they want, I don't know why they'd be insane enough to try and kill one of three people capable of killing the Angels, but they're the only people that I think fit your stupid question." Slapping his hand down on the table, Shinji leaned forward, "And now, they want to kill everyone I love. I don't know what you want from me, sir, but I don't have any information that can help you! I'm a _teenager_! I just so happen to be a teenager that's cursed with the power to murder aliens."

The investigating lawyer sighed at the obviously frustrated young pilot, looking back to Fènghuáng and offering peace, "Counselor, I propose we take a short recess. Do you agree?"

"Thank you," Shinji's counselor nodded firmly. Waiting until Miles turned off the recording, she pushed back from the table, rounding it and crouching down in front of her client to reduce the level of threat she might exude, "Shinji, it's all right. Being frustrated is natural, ok? But we need to focus. Miles' questions aren't intended to be aggravating, but he can't 'beg the question' or presume anything. If he does, anyone we use the information we gather here to bring to trial can use that to get the evidence tossed."

"Ma'am," Maya reached over and took Shinji's hand, peeling it from the table and working her own under it, "how is this at all related to Akagi-san? We were told that the investigation would be focusing on what happened between them."

"The investigation expanded," Fènghuáng spread her hands helplessly. "The more we dig, the more we find that it wasn't Gendo Ikari who set the events in motion that resulted in not only trauma to Mister Ikari, but also seemingly violated UN laws. Every time someone reaches a conclusion, it's that Gendo Ikari _deflected_ repeated attempts to influence the situation. Even the situation with your attempted assailant was against his direct orders, Shinji."

"It…it wasn't her fault," Shinji shook his head. He was tired of remembering everything. He was already tired of the odd sensations pulling at his mind, of the people closest to him impacting how he acted. "I…I'm sorry." His anger boiled just below the surface, fighting his efforts to shove it back down.

"Shh," Maya pulled him into a hug. "No, Shinji…you don't have anything to be sorry over. We're asking so much from you, and you're giving us everything you've got. It's not your fault that life's been cruel."

"I agree, Shinji," Fènghuáng nodded eagerly. "You're doing wonderfully. I'm not angry with you, I'm positive Miles isn't either. We're just trying to get the truth out there. The more data we can feed the investigation, the higher the chances we can find who's trying to do this to you."

The question was out of his mouth before he thought about the potential complications it would bring, "And when they end up being higher than you are in the UN? What then?"

"Then we bring them to justice," she answered firmly. "Nobody is above the law, Shinji. We almost lost the entire planet because certain powerful people thought they were, and there are more than enough of us that remember those painful lessons that we won't allow another group of people to finish the job."

"Counselor?" Miles left the obvious unstated.

"Just remember, Shinji, we're not enemies." Reaching over and patting his hands, then nodding to Maya, she stood and resumed her seat, "My apologies, _Lord_ Edgeworth. My client understands a bit better now what we're doing."

Responding with a flat look, the investigator shook his head and faced the camera flicking it back on, "Resuming inquest proceedings." Looking through his notes, he found where he wanted to go, "Mister Ikari, you stated that you believe this group 'SEELE' is responsible for the attempt on your life. Is that correct?"

Shinji felt his jaw clench, and had to spit out his answer through his teeth, "Yes."

"When did you first hear that term?"

Frowning, he rifled through his memory, "General Benoit. It was just after…Jet Alone. He mentioned that they were a group he was trying to find information on."

Miles' expression grew thoughtful, "And why would you tie those two events together?"

Shinji's scowl hardened, "Mister Kaji said that they'd stop at nothing to kill me. He said I had something they wanted, and they'd...threaten everyone I love to get me to give it to them."

"When you say Mister Kaji," the investigator turned and dug through his paperwork, swiftly locating the file, "you mean Special Agent Ryoji Kaji. Yes?"

Shinji looked down, startling slightly with the memory of the gunshot, "Y-yes."

Miles knew he was walking on eggshells, "When did he impart this information to you?"

"B-before I fai…before he…uhm…." Closing his eyes, he tried to will away the memory, "Aboard the _Over the Rainbow_ , before he died."

"For the record," the investigator filled in the blank, a gentle sincerity to his tone, "Special Agent Ryoji Kaji committed suicide following a series of events that are outside of the scope of this investigation. The subject of this investigation was present for the act, and remains the sole witness to the individual's last words."

Shinji heard Maya writing something down, and read the note as it was passed to Fènghuáng, ' _Why outside of investigation?'_

The counselor's response was swift, _'Self-incrimination_. _I would shut down that line of questioning hard._ '

Miles turned back to Shinji after checking his notes once more, "During your recent expedition to retrieve both Evangelion Unit-02 and Pilot Asuka Langley Soryu, you were once again subjected to an assassination attempt. Is this correct?"

"They shot at me," Shinji answered, a morose sorrow swinging the tide in its favor.

"Did any of them say anything that you overheard? Did they claim any affiliation?"

The memory of their limbs breaking, their skin tearing, caused him to gag, "They only screamed in pain."

"As you defended yourself and your compatriots," Miles continued to keep his tone carefully neutral, "did you acquire any insight as to the motivations of the individuals responsible?"

"A-Asuka..." He shook his head, "She was shot unintentionally. They were aiming at me. They had plenty of chances to shoot at her, or Raffle…but they focused on me." Looking over to Maya, he felt the tears overcome the anger, "I…I killed them before they could say anything."

"For the record," the investigator amended, "Captain Noelle Minders, callsign 'Raffle', is an associate of the subject of this investigation." Looking over his notes, he shook his head, "I believe that's everything, Counselor. I would like to thank your client for his time, and reserve the opportunity to ask amplifying questions through official communications as they become relevant. We have all that we need from him for now."

"Thank you," Fènghuáng stood, "we'll end it here then."

"Transcript ends," Miles stated quietly, turning off the camera and organizing his notes.

Maya swung out of her seat and into Shinji's lap, holding him and murmuring soft reassurances into his ear as he began to weep. She looked quickly over to Kozo, who tilted his head to indicate that she could take Shinji and leave, and nodded her thanks. "Let's go see if Hikari's awake, Shinji." She waited for him to respond before standing and helping him up, "If she's not, we'll take you home, ok?" When Idunn stood to follow, she speared the woman with a glare and a pointed finger. Turning back to Shinji, she stated loud enough for everyone to hear, "I'm sure Akane-san is around somewhere. She's usually nearby for you."

Once the pair were gone from the room, General Benoit looked to Idunn and asked the obvious, "What happened, Agent, that caused this sudden rift between you and his support staff?"

"I wish I knew, sir," the redhead replied stoically. "I really do."


	48. Chapter 48

+++++ 6th Angel + 3 : Wednesday (41)

"I think that was a success," Philip mused as he walked with Kozo Fuyutsuki towards their next destination. "Miles was able to use his…unique talents, to guide him towards looking quite normal. I doubt I'll need anything else from Shinji in order to convince the undecided members of the UNIGC to back my play here. Our operations can continue, Shinji will appear to simply be nothing more than an unfortunate victim, and we can focus on tracking down and bringing SEELE to justice."

"I only wish we didn't have to lie to him to accomplish that. The look on his face as he was batted around does not settle well with me. He has been nothing but valiant, and given us everything we've asked for." Scowling at the approaching door to Gendo's prison, he added, "I don't know why Akagi is cooperating now, but her report backs exactly what Gendo told us. That Gendo is willing to sit calmly in prison should disturb you, cooperation or no. The situation is not as pleasant as you describe it, General."

"We'll continue her interrogation, and we'll get the answers we need," the General waved away the concern. "We have all of the intel we need from Shinji, his demonstration today gave us something more important to work with, Commander. We'll tell him and his cohort, eventually, what we're doing behind the scenes. For now, he has enough to worry over. Doctor Akagi's cooperation means that we can reduce his stress, surely that's something you can see the benefits of?" Stopping outside, and showing his identification to the guards on duty, he smiled confidently, "Leave Gendo Ikari to me. You see to your staff, and try to relax."

Kozo sighed, knowing that he couldn't convince someone of the truth who wasn't interested in seeing the depth of the problem. The General would learn, or he wouldn't, that Gendo Ikari had plenty of cards left to play. As he turned to walk away, he could only be grateful that the man who'd come to 'question' Shinji was in fact a kinder individual than most hardened prosecutors. "I'll leave you to your entertainments, General. Should you need me, I will be working on organizing our budget request from the UN."

Entering the room, Philip saw that everything was as he'd ordered it to be. Gendo Ikari sat in his well-furnished prison apartment, his glasses on the table above his neatly folded gloves, a series of paper copies of various orders and plans for him to annotate and explain. The man was, to the best of the general's knowledge, cooperating fully. The dilemma he faced, was that he knew fully well that this was not the type of man to give up and roll over.

"Good day, Gendo. I see you're staying occupied, so I won't take up too much of your time today." Seating himself, he got directly to the point of his visit, "The delivery you were anticipating…why?"

Gendo smirked, amused at the blunt manner of his captor. "For the same reason that Agent Kaji gave the embryo to my son, General." Taking a slow drink of his coffee, he shrugged, "To keep it out of the hands of the old men."

General Benoit gazed idly across the table from his one-time top suspect, slowly tapping his hat against his knee, "What would you have done with it, then?"

"Grafted it surgically to my hand." The former Commander lifted his palm up to show the burn scar, "So I would know for certain where it was at all times."

The man remained impassive, "And now that it is inside of Shinji?"

He shrugged, uncaring, "As a part of him, it is forever beyond their reach. What better place to have it than the one place that they'll never be able to use it to initiate their end goals?"

Unwilling to allow himself to be drawn into the game, the General simply replied, "And those would be?"

Gendo snorted, "An end to individuality. The same thing I've told you, over and over again. That you continue to disbelieve me despite the evidence before you is a sign of a poor education, in my opinion."

Pondering the way he could use the performance Shinji had unknowingly provided during the Inquest, Philip added a wrinkle to the meeting, "I've received word that a key member of Spain's UN presence has suffered an unfortunate skiing accident while in the Pyrénées."

"A dangerous hobby, that." Gendo simply took another drink, his face betraying nothing.

"As you know," the man stood and tucked his hat under his arm, "there is no _snow_ in the Pyrénées anymore."

"Some men clearly won't let petty details deter them." Setting his now empty cup down, he laced his fingers together, "Always a pleasure, General. Please pass along my gratitude to your daughter-in-law, her services to my son have been invaluable."

+++++ 6th Angel + 3 : Wednesday (41)

Kodama had the door open before Maya had Shinji halfway up the walk, "What happened?" Hurrying out, her bare feet heating rapidly on the sidewalk, she looked between the woman she had an off-and-on competition with and the man she adored, "Hikari told me that there was an argument, did those two hurt him?"

"He had to answer the UN Investigator's questions, Kodama-san," Maya replied quietly. Shinji had once more locked down, and she'd taken over responding for him. "That means remembering everything that has happened to him since he arrived."

"Oh, no…." Shouldering the door back open, she took his hands, "It's ok, Baby. You're home now." Walking backwards towards the couch, she looked to Maya, "You know where the tea is?"

The captain nodded, grateful that Kodama seemed to be accepting her presence without a fight, "Get him seated, I'll be out with some in a minute."

"Let's throw on something mindless," maneuvering the much larger man of her dreams into the middle seat, Kodama loosened his shirt and then picked up the remote for the television. "There's usually some of those weird American gameshows on about now."

Unresponsive, Shinji stared blankly at a space between the coffee table and the stand for the television. The more she watched him, the more she feared that he wasn't even really breathing. His hands were steady, his pulse only marginal, but no matter how she moved him he simply remained as he was left.

Maya returned swiftly with the water and tea service, "He's still processing everything." Her voice conveyed a confidence that Kodama wished she herself felt. "He went through this the other night, it took him a while to react." Pouring out three cups, she set them down on the table before settling herself with her knee tucked under her leg, facing Shinji, "I can't stop them from doing any of this, though to be fair to the Investigator, he acted with far more kindness than I anticipated."

"He _hurt_ my…." Kodama cut herself off, "I don't care if he used a velvet-covered pillow. The end result is Shinji suffering from catatonia." Her tone promised a wrathful response if anyone dared disagree.

"You might be surprised at how much I agree with you, Kodama-san." Maya's grey orbs held no mercy in them, "But I am not going to make this about me, or how I feel. Shinji needs us to be calm, and so calm we shall be." Keeping her emotions tightly controlled, she gestured to the television, "You take one arm, I'll take the other, and we'll compete on this trivia show. Winner says something nice about the loser." True to her words, she tucked herself under Shinji's arm, placing his hand on her thigh.

Kodama scowled for a second, then realized that there was nothing worth actually disagreeing with. Worst-case scenario, she had to say something nice about a woman that was trying to heal the man she loved. Hugging Shinji's arm, she placed his hand between her legs, cupping her knee, "Deal."

Listening to the host of the show read off the next question, Maya answered before he was halfway done, "Troposphere." She took her tea from the table, drinking a pensive sip, "It's going to get worse, Kodama-san." Only half listening to the show, she shook her head, "Mesozoic."

Rarely one to quickly admit defeat, the newly-minted nurse had to concede that she was likely outclassed in the event. "Then I'll have to work three times as hard. He can't be left to suffer – Tangerines – alone." Recovering her own drink she sat back with a frown.

"I wasn't indicating he should," Maya answered evenly. "Constitutional Republic. What I'm saying is that it might be best for us to…try something new. Pheidippides." A calm sip nearly hid her next words, "For all our sakes."

The show went to commercial. "Take a drink, baby," Kodama lifted her own cup to Shinji's lips, hoping that he'd respond to external stimulus.

"Careful," Maya cautioned. "I tried that, and he ended up wearing most of it. I cleaned up the dining room floor as best I could, and I'll do what I can to check for stains before the house is sold."

Shinji sat, mute and still, the heated liquid lightly lapping against him. It was painful for Kodama to watch, a reversion to the abstracted disassociation he'd shown when her Uncle had gifted him to their family. "He does this, from time to time. You say he's processing everything…but I don't know if that's true."

Never one to turn away a potential source of information, Maya rolled her hand encouragingly, "Go ahead. I'm not afraid of being wrong." The sound of the program returning scarcely registered with either woman.

"I think…I think maybe he's not processing anything." She lowered her cup, giving up on the idea for the moment, "I think he's-"

Interrupting her partner to answer the question from the show, Maya remained attentive, "Light amplification by stimulated emission of radiation."

"Ok. One, that's irritating." Kodama scowled, "And two, I give up. You win."

"Fair enough," she shrugged. "Please continue."

Recovering her train of thought, Kodama pressed herself tighter against Shinji's arm, "I think he's never been taught how to put things in the past. For him…it's always the present. His traumas, his suffering, every insult, every blow…it's always right there in his mind."

"Like a dog," Maya's eyes unfocused as she thought through the potential merits of the argument. "When he's exposed to the stimulus, he recalls everything. When he's removed from it, he acts on subconscious triggers but otherwise doesn't attempt to conceptualize the 'why'." She nodded slowly, "There's potential to that argument." Frowning, she looked back to Shinji, "I wish I had access to the other 'me'."

Kodama was surprised at how easily her idea had been accepted, "The one from his past?"

"I dealt with him," she explained simply. "Even though I apparently didn't interact much with them, I at least was around him. Talking to that 'me' would give me insight into how everyone around him viewed him. We're only able to hear his side of things."

"You don't think he's lying?" Kodama felt the idea was ridiculous on its face.

"Not from his perspective," Maya sipped her tea. "You know as well as I do that even if most of what he says is factual, it's most certainly not the entire story. He acts and reacts based purely on his own insight, so do most people. Can you honestly state that he's prone to questioning why the people that hurt him do so?"

Hearing a fault of her own spelled out succinctly brought a cold caress to her mind, and Kodama found herself re-evaluating the woman she'd hoped would have helped her open Shinji's relationship up to outsiders. "I think…he feels he deserves it."

"I agree," Maya left unstated that she knew exactly what the beautiful nurse was thinking. The similarities in that part of Shinji's personality and Kodama's were obvious to anyone, even without classes in psychology. "So we have few options. And…I'm going to have to ask you for some trust here."

Kodama's reply was swift, "If it will help him, anything."

"He can't enter psychological counseling. I can't explain why, but believe me when I say that the argument has been made as strenuously as possible. There are external factors that I'm not only legally, but ethically, prohibited from sharing. That should be enough of a hint for you to work out some of the why on your own." Locking her eyes with Kodama's, Maya waited for the woman to begin to think, instead of just react.

The nurse's anger spiked, once more, at the audacity of the people who now employed her. _Isn't it enough that he's constantly suffering injury after injury? What possible reason would they have for not wanting him to be healthier?!_ Clenching her teeth, she ground out her words, "You said we needed to try something new. You're asking me to trust you. What is it you want?"

Maya laid her cards on the table, "We need to push him towards being angry."

"…What?" Kodama narrowed her eyes, "How is that going to help anything? He hates it when he yells, he says it makes him just like the man that raised him."

"Because he's repressing everything." Gesturing to the room around her, she pressed her point, "All of this has served a purpose, and I agree with what Commander Fuyutsuki wanted to have happen. Shinji needed to find peace amidst everything, he was terribly close to cracking and it would have been fatal, for us all."

"So you want to push him into cracking now that we've managed to get him to not panic over everything?" Kodama blinked, "Again, how is this going to help?"

"He needs an outlet, Kodama-san. For most people in his situation, that would be achieved through counseling. I'd do it myself, if I weren't compromised." She looked back up to the man she'd fallen for, "I can't ask him to trust me completely…when I'd love to get him and his girlfriend in bed. Everything I'd say would be suspect, and he'd always wonder if I was saying something just because I wanted him to love me."

Kodama frowned, disliking how much sense the woman was making, "You do know we're talking about him as if he weren't here?"

Maya gave her a flat look, then swung herself up and mounted Shinji. Affecting a voice that Kodama found alarmingly alluring coming from a woman, the chief Science officer for NERV Tokyo-3 began to moan out, "Oh, Shinji…I need it. I need it, please. Take me. I've never wanted anything this badly before…. I need you to take me, or I'm going to lose my mind!" Grinding against him, she let her hands caress his face, "Please, Shinji…I need to be at your mercy, I need you to fill me, I need it!" Stopping as quickly as she'd started, she sat back on his knees and glanced over towards his housemate, "He's not here. When he comes back to us, it'll be very noticeable. Until then, I doubt you want to take your eyes off of him, and I _know_ I don't want to leave him be."

Coughing, in a vain effort to disguise her confused emotions, Kodama nodded, "I…uh, I never saw something specifically like this in class. Coma patients usually, or someone in a persistent vegetative state, but never catatonia. It was referenced, but no practical lessons."

Smirking internally, Maya pondered how Kodama placed on the same scale she'd explained to Shinji, "The important thing is we keep him somewhere safe. Somewhere that when he comes around, he knows where he is, and he isn't scared." Resuming her serious demeanor, she circled back to her plan, "He needs to push through some of this emotional flotsam that's clogging him to the point of stupor. I can't push him to get angry, it'd be like Nozomi demanding to fight him. He'd just look at me like I was daft, or ignore me until I stopped."

"You aren't very threatening," Kodama agreed. "We couldn't ask Hikari to do it either."

It was Maya's turn to agree, "She's his entire world. Her disapproval would crush him. The _perception_ that she's upset with him would send him spiraling downwards."

"I've seen it first hand," Kodama sighed. "She was upset because she thought you had invited him to dinner, the day she'd asked for him to take her out on a date."

"That was…a few weeks ago?" Maya tried to remember the exact date, "I invited both of them to dinner. I still want to do that, but everything keeps getting in the way."

"She didn't let him explain, and the way he'd approached the conversation she assumed the worst." Gesturing to the kitchen, she smiled sadly, "She 'snapped', as much as she ever could, at him and he almost ran away from the house. Nozomi stopped him from running while I got the truth out of Hikari. Asking her to do this…she'd never be able to." The idea began to make the most sense, the simple fact that he couldn't seem to get his anger handled meant it needed to go somewhere. "If we do this…." She paused, then shook her head, "It's going to have to be 'we'. I can't risk losing him, Maya-san."

"That was the 'trust' part," Maya reached over and patted Kodama's knee. "He needs more than just Hikari's love. She keeps him from running away, she keeps him in the fight even when the world is collapsing around him. She's, and I realize I'm not telling you anything you don't already know, perfect for him. But she'll lose him. He'll keep taking on more and more, and then this," she gestured along his body, "will be her reward. A mute, unresponsive, doll."

"He doesn't want to hurt…and he doesn't want to hurt anyone else," Kodama nodded. "He's shutting the world out because it's too painful, and because he knows that with little effort he could tear this entire house down. He's saving everyone the only way he can think to do it."

"You may never end up in his heart the way you want, Kodama-san." Maya waited for the woman's eyes to snap back to her, "I may also never end up in their hearts. The question I have for you is, what are you willing to pay to see the man you love…live?" Taking his hand and holding it close to her stomach, she let her own sadness show, "Because I'm willing to give everything. I'm willing to let him do what he wants. Scream at me, push me away, never speak to me again…bend me over the bathtub and pound me like I was a cheap doll. If it means that he stops falling away from everything and everyone, I'm going to do it."

Kodama snorted out a laugh, "If only he'd bend us over the tub. He'd probably unwind like a compression coil released from its mooring…." She looked down, "I saw that happen, once. Piece of equipment we were learning on hadn't been properly maintained, the Bio-Med techs said that the vendor had been lying on their reports. The cap on the housing that allowed the arm to raise and lower came off, and then the spring came out…at high velocity. Severed the teacher's fingers." She looked back up with a wince, "If it hadn't happened in a room full of people in their last year of Nursing School, it probably would have been a lot worse."

Maya saw easily what the other woman was saying, "I understand, and I agree. We'll take precautions, make sure that he isn't allowed to hurt himself."

"He'd never strike us…but he'll turn to self-harm if we don't keep him on an even path." Kodama looked to the clock, "Maya-sa…Maya," she looked to the woman, tears pooling in the corners of her eyes, "why don't we get him in bed? Let him lay down…maybe get some sleep ourselves. I think the three of us could fit easily. You're not much bigger than Hikari."

A small smile curled the edges of the tiny Captain's mouth, "Who knows?" Standing up from her place, she urged Shinji towards standing, "Maybe he'll wake up and ravage our young, nubile, bodies."

Kodama's rich laugh preceded her standing up and clearing a path for the mute giant, "I think it's more likely he'll come to and stammer out an apology…but it doesn't hurt to dream." Sliding Shinji's door open, she wiped her eyes, "It never hurts to dream."

Remembering her wager, Maya stopped before 'the other, other woman', "You're a good person, Kodama," she tapped just over her rather impressive chest, "in here. Where it really counts. No matter what happens, I'll always respect you for staying true to your heart."

A blush quickly adorned the earnest young woman's face. Looking towards the room they were leaving, she tried to think of a reply. Several seconds passed, and she realized that she had nothing to respond with. It was rare that anyone called her a good person, and even rarer that the individual doing so was a woman that she thought the same of. Anything she said would seem shallow, after the way she'd acted earlier. "I'm a bitch." Her eyes returned to the shorter woman before her, "But I guess it could be worse. I could be the kind of bitch that never makes friends."

+++++ 6th Angel + 4 : Thursday (42)

The first thing Shinji felt as the fog lifted was the sensation of being surrounded. A slight panic followed, quickly subdued as he recognized, even in the low light, Nozomi's unkempt hair. Curled atop his chest, not unlike a cat, the Little Lady of the house was sound asleep under a just-big-enough-for-her blanket. To his right, Maya slept in the t-shirt she'd borrowed before, loosely tucked into his side with her head on his shoulder. The woman seemed to cuddle with him without forcing him to accept her, a protective posture that demanded only a gentle tug to free himself should he not wish to be there. To his left, Kodama was clenched against him. There was no other word to describe her, in his opinion. The shirt she'd borrowed from him had bunched up, scarcely concealing the assets she'd ensconced his arm in. Her thong was slightly askew, displaying her hip and teasing a view to areas he quickly averted his eyes from. _I'm not going to have an easy time freeing myself._

His phone had been plugged into the stand on his desk, and the time displayed showed that he had another hour before he had to go to his daily training with Suzuka. _First order of business, I guess, is freeing an arm._ Gently hefting both shoulders, he determined that it was Kodama that would be the most difficult to free himself from. _Shouldn't have doubted that. I…I don't remember what happened._ Frowning, he tried to recall the last thing before laying down, and only came up with walking into the room with the pair of investigators. _How did I get to bed?_

Approaching the puzzle logically, he looked at the pieces he had to work with. _Maya's here. And she's in bed with me, Kodama, and Nozomi. Kodama and Maya don't always get along…so whatever happened had to have brought them together._ Another panic attack ensued as he realized that Hikari's health turning for the worse would easily answer the 'why', and it would be just the kind of thing he'd blank out. _I'm a coward. Please, please, tell me that I'm not_ that _big of a coward!_ Firmly withdrawing his arm from Maya, he reached over Nozomi and pried his left from Kodama. With both arms now in play, he lifted Nozomi and placed her in Maya's arms. _Kodama's prone to rolling. She'll be safer with Maya._

Quickly working his way from the bed, he covered everyone over and then grabbed his phone. Tapping through the numbers, he found the entry for Idunn and set it to dialing as he ducked out of the room. Without anyone else around, he felt less self-conscious walking around the house in only his boxer-briefs. _If they fell asleep with me like this, I really shouldn't freak out about it._

The redheaded guardian answered on the third ring, a tinge of sleep marring her otherwise professional tone, "Shinji? Is everything ok?"

He felt suddenly silly, there'd be far more activity if Hikari had something happen to her, "I…uhm, is Hikari ok?"

"Yes?" The sound of skin on bedsheets indicated she was getting up, "I think. Checking. Did you have a nightmare, Shinji? Are you ok?"

"I…yeah…I think?" _She would have told me right away if she were dead. I'm an idiot._ "I'm sorry, Idunn-san. It's late, and you were asleep."

"No, no," relief coated her words. "Shinji, I'm glad you called me. The whole reason I'm here is to make sure you're ok. I'm getting reports from all three teams assigned to the hospital that there's nothing to worry over. Hikari recently had Corpsman Kaz check in on her, changing out a few of her medicines. He said she was recovering nicely. She's been sleeping a lot, but other than that everything's green. Having a nightmare isn't anything to be embarrassed over, ok? I've had some real doozies myself."

Shinji felt his chest release, "Th-thank you for checking, Idunn-san. I _am_ very sorry for disturbing your sleep."

"I'm not worried about it," the warmth from her voice carried clearly through the connection. "Any time you need me, I'm just a call away. You planning on working out with your friends again this morning?"

"Yes," he nodded, moving towards the kitchen to prepare breakfast for everyone. "Lessons with Suzuka-san, then school. I'll hopefully be able to visit Hikari-san, but I will need to go shopping. There's a deli that sells what I'll need to make what Asuka-san asked for, and then homework…. I'm sorry, I'm keeping you up, Idunn-san."

"No you're not," she laughed happily. "You're including me in your life, Shinji. Knowing what you want to accomplish means I can direct traffic to help you accomplish it. You're building up that rapport with me that we need to help each other. I'm sorry that life's been so busy lately for you, it's made it hard to keep up my end of the bargain."

"You've done what you said you would," Shinji disagreed gently. Working everything free from the refrigerator, he began to prepare the simple meal, "The Horaki family is safe, and that means more to me than anything in the world." _Kaji says to push them away. Suzuka says to keep them close. Is there a balance? Can there ever be a middle-ground there?_ "I have you to thank for that, Idunn-san. I wouldn't be able to do it, I wouldn't know how."

There was a hesitation on her end of the line, "So…you're not upset about anything? Nothing I could do better?"

Like any question he was asked by the people in his life that mattered, Shinji gave it serious thought. "Well," he nodded as the one concern he had left hanging unmanaged came to mind, accepting that it was both the truth and an answer, "I'm a little worried that we won't be able to find a good house that fits what they deserve. I know that with everything else it has to be a lower priority, but they did ask me to help them and I don't know what I can do to help you help me help them." Running the sentence back through his mind, he frowned, "Does that make sense?"

Another slight hesitation, as if his answer hadn't been what she'd anticipated, "We have a few more places to check, and I've pressured the local real estate agents to find me something that balances security and 'homeyness'. I'll try to keep you updated with our progress more often, does that work?"

He frowned, wondering what might be bothering the agent, "Thank you, Idunn-san. I know that you have other, far more important, jobs that you're doing. Keeping Hikari, Nozomi, and Kodama safe is always top priority. Any help you can offer is greatly appreciated. I'll let you get back to sleep, and once again I am sorry that I disturbed you."

"And I mean it, Shinji," he caught an almost desperate plea in her tone, "any time you need me. For anything at all. Ok?"

He nodded, "I will try to remember, Idunn-san. Good night, sleep well."

"Enjoy your workout. Study hard." The phone went dead a second or so later, and he was left to wonder what was bothering the woman that had worked diligently to keep his home safe.

+++++ 6th Angel + 4 : Thursday (42)

Sitting on Suzuka's lower spine, Shinji kept a steady pressure on the hold he had the swordswoman in. Just enough to stop her from succeeding in pulling away no matter how she attempted to turn, and not as much as he felt capable of. "I'm not hurting you, am I?" The worry that he was inflicting pain warred with her admonition that she wasn't made of crystal.

"If you were hurting her, she'd not tell you," Suzuki sat nearby working on his fletching. "She's stubborn like that."

"This is practice," Shinji fretted. "I shouldn't be hurting my partner in practice. Isn't that what you always told me?"

Gen laughed, he had brought Nanako with him, and was working through a meditative kata with the love of his life, "We said that, my friend, because we didn't want _you_ coming to harm. At the time, we'd thought you like any other young man: stubborn, and eager to endure what you should not have been forced to in the name of learning. Suzuka-san knows her body and her tolerances well, and she will tell you when she gives up or is suffering unduly."

"Focus, husband." Nanako altered her flowing movement enough to slap Gen on the back of the head. "Let Suzuka-chan handle him." Landing in 'archer', she gave a level look to Suzuki, "Your wife knows her business, Suzuki-kun. She will tell him if something is wrong."

"I have been making an earnest effort to escape," Suzuka added, breathless from the weight of her young friend atop her. "Unfortunately, it seems that fatigue is not something our dear comrade suffers from. He has not lost the pressure he's applied once, regardless of if I go limp or struggle with my full strength."

The agreement he had reached with Suzuka was difficult to maintain, as she had asked him to kindly not discuss her past. Her husband was aware that she had secrets, as he himself had, and neither wished to pry into the affairs of the other so long as fidelity remained. Shinji had to allow her to act 'human', even though he himself was under no such obligations. His 'secret' was out, hers was not, and it was as simple and complex as that. "You told me to use this much, Suzuka-san. I just don't want to hurt my friends."

"Hey, Pally!" A cheerful voice greeted him before he felt Noelle collide with his back, her arms wrapping around his throat and head in an attempt at her own grapple, "We practicin' wrasslin'?"

"Good morning, Raffle," Shinji smiled, pleased at the effervescent nature of the woman behind him. _Too many people dance around me, worried that I'm going to break. It's nice to be treated by at least one person like I'm not made of sand._ Spying Vidar circle the pile of humans, he nodded in greeting, "Good morning, Vidar. It is good to see you this morning."

Crouching down, a box tucked under his arm, the big man smiled politely before looking at Suzuka and whispering just loud enough for only the closest people to hear, "I have a gift and a payment for him, I would appreciate it if you either broke free or let him release you. We have obligations at work soon."

Shinji felt Suzuka sigh, though he himself was impressed that Vidar recognized that she wasn't applying full effort. "A gift, Vidar? A payment?"

"I submit," Suzuka patted Shinji's forearm. "Let us see what the day has brought us."

Releasing his prisoner gently, Shinji reached behind him to support Noelle before standing with her still attached to his neck and head. The woman, much like an angry puppy, had locked herself in place and wasn't going to let go. However, he knew that her actions were intended to amuse and delight, not act as some attempt at seeming tough or capable. If she wanted to hurt him, she'd be trying much harder. Stepping free, he offered his other hand to Suzuka, helping her to her feet and bowing politely to end the 'match'.

"You know," Raffle giggled, "you're growing bigger." Using his arm as a lever, she crawled up Shinji's back and sat on his shoulder, "You keep this up and you won't fit in the cockpit."

"The young grow," Vidar intoned. "It is their way." Taking the box from under his arm, he extended it to Shinji with a nod, indicating for him to take it.

Accepting the package with the merest hint of a bow, not wishing to upend his passenger, Shinji admired the carvings upon it. Fine detail work, each side equal in length to the other, seemed to show a story panel by panel. On the front a young man, that looked distinctly like Shinji, sought something with the sun to his back. The next panel showed him suffering from an unsourced malady, holding himself on his hands and knees. The third showed a being descending from the sun, appearing quite like Hikari, casting her light to heal the young man and raise him from the ground. The final panel showed a wedding scene between the two, attended by a host of spirit animals. _Which explains the lid,_ he smiled, the couple standing back to back fighting off stylized Western demons and devils with a blazing aura of flame and light.

"My wife enjoys woodcarving," Vidar uttered softly. "I believe she will be pleased with your reaction."

"It's gorgeous," Shinji let his fingers trace delicately along Hikari's form. "I wish I had an ounce of the talent she's shown here, Vidar. I will have to write a note for her, thanking her for her wonderful gift."

"Open it," Noelle drummed her heels on his torso, "open!"

Sliding the small wooden cylinder free from the simple loop-lock, leaving it to dangle on its leather thong, Shinji made certain to support the entire box as he slowly prized it open. Laying alongside its sheath, on a bed of neatly trimmed fabric, was a knife of similar shape and design as the one Vidar himself carried. A slight frown turned into a grin as he remembered the bet he'd been a part of, "Ah! Of course." Turning his smile towards the big Norwegian, he nodded, "I had completely forgotten. Thank you, Vidar."

Rolling off of Shinji's shoulder backwards, demonstrating that she wasn't without her own set of physical skills, Noelle landed lightly on her feet and placed her hands under the box to support it. "Pull it out, show it off."

The craftsmanship was undeniable, and with his perspective on kitchen knives Shinji knew enough to tell that the balance and weight was as close to perfect as a blacksmith could hope to achieve. It fit his hand well, the skin of the handle neither uncomfortable nor grating on his palm. Bracing the side of the blade atop the back of his finger, he held it so that the Shirakami present could admire the piece.

"It seems a fine piece," Suzuki nodded, "for a Western blade. I don't recognize the metal, however. What is it?"

"A secret," Vidar answered simply.

Gen laughed, "As such things typically are. It's a good thing we've had you practicing with a knife, my friend." Gesturing towards the area they tended to practice their weapons skills in, he silently asked Shinji for a demonstration of the forms they'd shown him over the month.

Blushing slightly at being asked to 'show off', even if only to a group of familiar faces, the Third Child used the simple mental trick Suzuka had taught him and banished his fears temporarily behind a mantra of soothing words. The design of the blade was different than the practice wood he typically used, but it only meant that he had to find the proper grip point before starting. Slow, purposeful, motions flowed forth as he ran through the memorized pattern. Footwork supported his strikes; his strikes positioned an invisible enemy for each follow-on blow. He wouldn't yet be declared a master, as his form showed his timidity, but none of the six sets of eyes would deny his talent.

Wrapping up the impromptu display by rolling the knife to a reverse grip and bowing to those watching, he relaxed as Suzuka subtly nodded her approval. Of all of those who'd taught him how to use a blade properly, she was the one most serious about him learning and learning well. Flicking his wrist and bringing the knife to a proper fore-grip, he bounced it two times, "It's not as heavy as yours, I'm glad you reduced the weight some, Vidar."

The big man's eyebrow raised, a small frown alighting on his lips, "May I?" Two steps put him within reach, and he extended his hand with a worried cast to his eyes.

Shinji twisted the knife so he was offering it properly, hilt-first, and began to wonder if he'd insulted the big pilot somehow.

Firmly grasping the handle, Vidar's scowl twitched, then he turned and offered it to Noelle with a shake of his head.

"You know you have words, right?" Walking over, the vivacious blonde took the weapon and shook her hand slightly with it firmly in her grasp, "No…no, you're right. Shinji, this is heavier than his. I think you're just not adjusted yet to being bigger. You were several centimeters shorter that night at the bar, you're probably just remembering wrong. If this crew," she cast her free hand back to the Shirakami, "have been working you as hard as I expect they have, you've just developed some good solid muscle." Twirling it familiarly, she handed it back to him with a shrug, "Not shocking."

Suzuka stood to Shinji's side, looking down at the metal, "Is there a particular form of whetstone the blade prefers?" She considered the Norwegian pilot, mouthing the word 'meteor'.

Vidar nodded, a subtle movement.

She took the sheath from the box, handing it to Shinji and encouraging him to secure the blade, "I think I have a few that we could try, if that would meet with your approval as the giver?"

Another nod followed, then the big man turned to Noelle and tilted his head towards the exit they'd come through.

"I swear," Noelle sighed, "you could develop telepathy and still not speak to anyone." Offering the carved piece of art the blade had been gifted within to Suzuka, she shrugged, "Mind holding this for Paladin while he attaches that to his belt?"

"Of course," Suzuka accepted the box with a slight bow.

"We'll catch you later, try not to break any hearts at school," Noelle gave Shinji a wink and a merry laugh as she waved goodbye. Chittering various admonitions to Vidar that he needed to play nicely with Shinji's friends as they walked away towards his truck.

"A man of few words," Gen commented, approaching the remaining pair. "One gets the feeling that he's seen far too much of this world, and perhaps even more of the one beyond."

"He says what he feels needs saying," Nanako stated firmly. "Not everyone enjoys the sound of their own voice as much as you, husband mine."

Gen's smile split his face, "You see, Shinji-san? I suffer so at the hands of my true love."

Shinji settled the knife in the small of his back, "It is a burden our heart asks us to bear gladly, Gen-san." Watching Suzuka appraise the box his new weapon had come in, he sighed, "I wish I knew what mine was telling me."

+++++ 6th Angel + 4 : Thursday (42)

Carefully entering the house, Shinji moved to the dining room. His intent had been to set the box down and retreat upstairs with his school uniform. When he saw Nozomi sitting at the table eating her portion of the meal he'd prepared, he glanced around to see if she was alone, "Good morning, Nozomi-chan."

The young girl looked up at him, a fond smile on her face, "You haven't called me that in centuries, 'nii-san'." Her voice had once more assumed the tone of a woman of long years, "It's rare that you leave the house anymore. Felt like getting in a workout, before the community woke up and bothered you?"

 _Oh._ Shinji tried to think of how to handle the situation best, quickly settling on the tactic he'd used when Hikari had suffered similar, "It's…uhm, it's better to practice and not need my skills, then the other way around."

Her eyes falling on the box in his hands, the little lady of the house frowned, "You were considering it again…weren't you."

"I-"

"Shinji Ikari," Nozomi's voice became dangerous, "you put that lie right back in your mouth and swallow it." Setting her utensils down, she gave him a level glare, "Where is it?"

Deciding that saying nothing meant not lying, he set the box down on the table and opened it, then pulled his belt off and worked it free from the knife and set those on the table as well. Spreading his hands out, physically showing that he had nothing else on his person, he watched and waited. _Centuries? She's probably just being hyperbolic._

The schoolgirl's jaw clenched, her teeth grinding together as she stared a hole through the empty box. "Is it me?"

Shinji scrambled for a response, "I-I'm sorry?"

"I'm not them, Shinji." Anger masked the pain in her eyes poorly as she looked back up at him through her eyelashes, "I'll never be them. I know this. If things had worked out differently, Hik… _she_ would be here with us. But I'm here. I've always been here," she slammed her fists down atop the table, " _so help me I'll always be here_! So what is it?!" Standing up out of the chair, she stalked around the table and punched him in the hip, "What do I have to do?"

"Nozomi-chan," Shinji tried to take her arms in an effort to stop her from hurting herself.

" _Don't call me that!_ " Another tiny fist landed in his gut, "I am not the same little girl that used to need protecting from thunderstorms. Do I have to beat you? Is that what will bring you around? Are you only ever going to be happy when someone's abusing you?"

The bedroom door burst open, driving Shinji to act before things became worse, "I'm sorry." Dropping to his knees, he wrapped the relatively tiny child in his arms and crushed her to his torso, "I don't know what to say." _Stick with the truth, even if it isn't what she thinks she's hearing._ "I don't know what my heart wants." He felt her struggling to free herself, "I don't know how to stop hurting." He kept her close, just as he had with Suzuka during training, "I don't know where my mind goes when everything starts to become too much…." Looking back towards his room, he saw Maya restraining Kodama, the nurse speaking quietly and rapidly as she tried to move past the surprisingly strong captain, "But I need you, Nozomi. Ok? You've been the reason I've stayed this long." Her struggles slowed, "I wish I could promise that I'd always be here…but you know I won't make promises I can't be certain I'll keep."

A tiny hand reached up through his grasp, flicking him on the nose, "I'll follow you. You just keep that in mind. It'll be on your head." Her squirming changed tenor, and so he let her loose enough to look up at him, "You owe me." Her gaze held a mixture of Hikari's and Kodama's, it broke his heart to see it tortured so, "You're making dinner tonight _and_ tomorrow. Making it up to me."

"Anything you want, tonight," Shinji agreed easily. "Tomorrow, I'm at least choosing the meal."

"Fair enough," she smiled sadly. "Just put that box away. I don't know where you hid it, but I'll find the piece. Then _I'm_ hiding it. We're not playing this…game…any…." As if she were a puppet whose strings had been cut, she collapsed.

Shinji scooped her up before she could fall to the ground, hurrying over to Maya and Kodama, "Where?"

"Back in your bed," Kodama shoved the door open and rushed into the room. "How long before we came out?"

"Less than two minutes?" He shook his head, "She was eating breakfast when I came home…she said some stuff, got angry because the box Vidar's wife made me has something to do with this 'fragment' and me contemplating suicide." Placing the precious bundle atop his futon, he stepped clear so that Kodama could approach and assess Nozomi's condition.

The eldest Horaki swore a heartfelt curse as she checked Nozomi's vitals, "Damn it." Looking to the other woman in the room, she shook her head, "She's too young for this, Maya. When mine hit, I'd already gone through puberty. Mom and Daddy were able to tell me what to expect. I haven't even had 'the talk' with her yet, she's _eight_!" Covering the young girl over, she righted her sister's limbs, "She's…physically fine. Strong pulse, she's breathing steady. I think…I think it was just too much strain." Standing back up, she turned to Shinji and buried herself in his chest, "I don't know what to do!"

"The first thing we're going to do," Maya took charge of the situation, raking her fingers through her hair and looking for her phone, "is not panic. We've fought giant alien monsters, we've survived Shinji developing bizarre abilities, and we have three functional adults in this room that we can share responsibilities with." Snatching her phone from near the bed, she began typing out a message to the Corpsmen, "I'm calling you out today, so you can stay home with Nozomi-chan. She needs her big sister, and you need time to walk her through what's happening."

"I can't just leave Hikari," Kodama fretted. Even Shinji could tell that she was stretched too thin; no longer having another adult to turn to in her household, she'd been forced into becoming the 'mom' for her sisters in addition to trying to be there for him. To her, she was already failing.

"She won't be alone." He gently took her shoulders and turned her to look at him, "Hikari has everyone from the Corpsmen detail, she has Misato-san, I'm sure Maya-san will stop in too. We can…we can pass her a note, something nice and vague that she'll understand but nobody else will. If she knows that you have to be here for Nozomi-chan, she'd never be angry with you." Taking a deep breath, he let out the other part of his fears, "But Nozomi-chan's speaking like…like you're all dead. I won't let that happen. Whatever it is that she's seeing, I want all of you to have medical check-ups."

"Exactly," Maya tossed her phone back to the table. "Bad luck happens, but we can take precautions now that we're forewarned. We're a team, and we'll handle this like one." Frowning as she considered the little lady of the household, she tried to use logic where emotions wouldn't be trustworthy, "An ability like this has to burn calories. You're taxing the mind beyond what we knew to be its limits, and the chemical bath its producing would also cause havoc for the body. So…we treat it like we treat malnutrition."

"She eats a lot already," Shinji commented, stepping around Kodama so he could hold her from behind and support her while still facing Maya. "We ask her to eat more…that's not healthy either, is it?"

"It's not quantity," Kodama murmured as she thought through what Maya was proposing. "It's quality. It'd mean a diet change, and our budget-"

"Isn't your concern," Shinji interrupted firmly, having anticipated her comment. "I make more than enough money, and I will not let Nozomi-chan suffer because you think I'm being taken advantage of." Squeezing her shoulders against him, he emphasized his point, "I promised, Kodama. Whatever I have…it belongs to all of you."

"We have enough medical staff around," Maya considered the subject of funding settled. "I'll find one that has some experience with pediatrics, get them to work up a meal plan." Rubbing her hands together, she let herself smile, "We can do this. I'll go shopping tonight."

"I'll go with you," Shinji added. "I need to pick up some things for Friday's meal with Asuka anyway."

"Then we'll do it after exercises," she gave him two thumbs up. "You can come back with everything, make her a dinner and set out a plan for the rest."

"Would…." Kodama reached up, taking Shinji's wrist and drawing his resolve into herself, "Would you come back with him, Maya?"

"I can make enough for everyone, for dinner." Shinji backed his housemate, accepting that something must have happened to bring Kodama back around to Maya. "It's always nice to have friends around during the bad times, right?"

"After I stop by my own apartment," she agreed slowly. "If I'm going to end up sleeping over here again, I need to have a few things." Looking between Kodama and Shinji, she tilted her head slightly, "You two know that you can handle this, right? I've got faith in you. You don't need another adult watching over you."

"You're not 'an adult'," Kodama scoffed. "…You're one of us. You _know_."

Shinji took a slightly different approach, "When I was in the other timeline…." He felt Kodama press in closer, her worry that he was going to be sharing a bad memory rising, "I spent time around Toji-san and Kensuke-san."

"Aida-kun?" Kodama looked back up to him, "The military otaku?"

"That's him," Shinji nodded. "They told me that Misato saw me as family. That she showed me a side of herself that she'd never show anyone but someone she felt that close to. At the time, I was confused. I mean, why would someone who's family show the worst parts of themselves to you?" He looked down to Nozomi, "Then I realized, it wasn't that she was showing me the worst parts…she was letting her guard down. I…I don't know what happened last night, but the more that I think about it…." Holding Kodama close, he lifted an arm to offer the same embrace to Maya, "The more I realize that maybe I have more of a family than I thought I did. Because…because I know that you'll do anything to help me. And I'll do anything for you."

Kodama joined Shinji in offering the hug, "I'm not going to tell him he's wrong. Horaki women don't lie."

Walking over, Maya grinned with a blush, "You're both good people." Feeling the warmth from the two people holding her, she redoubled her determination to succeed, "Ok. Then here's what we're going to do…."


	49. Chapter 49

+++++ 6th Angel + 4 : Thursday (42)

The school day had vanished behind Shinji's anxiety. He had other things to be doing, and any one of them were thirty times more important than sitting in class pretending to be learning material that he felt confident he could teach. His fellow students, unfortunately for his impatience, deserved his best effort. His notes were immaculate, his homework done before the end of each lesson, and during the breaks he'd even taken to providing supplementary help for those classmates that he could tell were struggling. It was a way to make the time pass faster, and to push himself to connect with others.

Rei had watched him the entire time, an echo of a smile on her face that he was certain only he would recognize. The bluenette seemed to judge his actions favorably and would, from time to time, make tiny hand signals that helped him locate the student in the most dire need of aid. A number of fingers indicating the column, then another to indicate the row. As a system of communication, it was perfect for the two reclusive pilots. Neither wasted motion or words, and still accomplished exactly what they'd intended.

His time, after school was over, with Hikari had been all-too brief. The brevity owing more to the fact that she'd been unconscious than the curse of the relative nature of human understanding of the passing of time. He was happy that Asuka had decided to sit in the hospital room with him, quietly writing notes about what she and his girlfriend had been speaking of during the Class Rep's moments of lucidity and her own time away from the scholar that was pounding kanji into her brain. His bond with the redhead grew as she seemed to be an eager ally in the fight against Hikari's suffering.

The day took a downward turn, however, when the same pilot of Unit-02 first saw Shinji in his plugsuit. "What on God's Green Earth is _that?!_ " Pointing, appalled, towards his work clothes, she looked up at the bridge, "You animals make him walk around in that? How could you possibly think that this is even moderately justifiable? I swear, you even _think_ about putting me in a getup like that and…and…." Sputtering as she failed to come up with a threat ominous enough to cover how she felt, she looked back to Shinji, wincing when she saw how embarrassed he'd become.

"It's…a long story." Tugging on his ponytail, the action taking the place of him tangling his fingers in his hair in an effort to rub the back of his head, he looked down over the edge of the gantry with his face taking on a red hue.

"Verdammt," Asuka breathed out, her eyes clenched. Two quick steps brought her before him, her voice lowered, "I'm sorry. You're a victim here, and I'm drawing attention to it." He saw the flames simmering below the surface, but her contrition seemed genuine, "The standard plugsuit is bad enough, you know? You having to parade around showing these lechers something reserved for Hikari is just wrong." She motioned for him to look at her, "I _am_ sorry, Shinji."

He shrugged, unable to lie well enough to be believable, "D-don't worry, I'm fine." Cursing his inability to slouch, he gestured to Unit-02, "It'll be nice to…uhm, to work alongside you."

"Let's get in our Evas, then." Reaching over, she squeezed his forearm, "I want to see you in action first-hand. We'll be out of these gimp suits before you know it." Offering him a bright smile full of eager anticipation, she flicked her hair back behind her shoulder and tried to spin a positive out of the entire mess, "At least you're not some fat slob. Whatever you're doing to workout, it's working for you. You look good."

"You do too," the reflexive counter-compliment was out of his mouth before his brain reminded him that commenting on how Asuka looked was a good way to receive a visit from the pain train. Freezing, he tried to find a way to either recall the comment or will himself to dive off of the gantries. Some small part of his mind was frantically trying to remind him that he wasn't _there_ , he was _here_ , and this wasn't that Asuka. That he could produce a more tempered reaction, as he had been for weeks now!

"Really?" Turning slightly, she looked along her side profile, "You don't think it makes me look a little too curvy?" Laughing, she lifted her foot up towards her rear and waggled it, "I wish the feet didn't have all the padding. Makes me look like a yeti. A little discomfort to look stylish isn't too much to ask, ne?" Looking back to her Lead Pilot, she frowned, "Shinji?" Puzzling at why he seemed terrified caused her to reach out again and lightly touch his sternum in an act of support, "Shinji, what's wrong?"

At her touch, a trillion memories washed through his mind and he recoiled, curling into a ball, "I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" Muttering the statement over and over, he shied away when she reached for him again.

Asuka was flabbergasted, "Was zum Teufel?" Looking up towards the bridge, she was preparing to call out a medical emergency when she was pre-empted.

Misato's voice carried through their wrist speakers, "The hell is happening down there?" As she stood in the window overlooking the scene, two of the ever-present agents began to hurry towards the pair, their hands straying towards their 'pacification tools'.

"The pilot of Unit-02 has caused distress to Pilot Ikari," Rei answered, shouldering past Asuka and crouching down to lightly stroke Shinji's face, she began to whisper soft reassurances.

"I did _not_ cause him 'distress'," Asuka snarled. "I was complimenting him, and I even accepted his return compliment graciously. Frau Katsuragi, the data recorder will show you _exactly_ what I said."

"It's been a rough week, Misato," Maya's voice echoed her frustration. "Last night Nozomi-chan fell ill, and Shinji was up late helping. He's been burning the candle on both ends, and he probably just got worried that by complimenting the 'new girl' he would be seen as betraying Hikari-chan." Unable to explain what she knew, she chose the story that most everyone would believe of the notoriously forthright pilot. "You know as well as I do that he's been under a lot of stress."

"Damn it…ok," Misato sighed. "Ayanami-chan, Asuka, get to your Evas. Maya, go down there and see if you can't unsnarl Shinji-kun."

"You know this wouldn't be a problem if you set him up with a therapist," Asuka stated coldly. "He's not going to be able to shoulder everything without support." Looking down on the man that was perplexingly both incredibly capable and disastrously cautious, she frowned, "He deserves better from you. _We_ deserve better."

Rei turned, her stance protective of the distressed pilot, "You are not the one to speak to regarding-"

"Agents, kindly see the ladies to their seats," Misato snapped. "Pilots, get to your Evas."

"All right, kittens," Mikoto stated blandly, steering around Shinji and firmly moving Rei towards Unit-00. "Claws in sheathes, butts in seats." Gesturing towards the platform that would take Asuka to her entry plug, she nodded to the foreign pilot, "I didn't hear anything but friendly chatter. We're all pulling on the same rope."

"Some are pulling harder than others," Asuka snarked towards Rei's back.

"Steady on, killer," Akane made a soothing motion. "Let's keep the vibes positive around here, ok?"

The redheaded pilot found a new outlet for her irritation, "What do you think I've been trying to do?! It's obvious to anyone with eyes that he's been operating without the support he needs," she gestured to Shinji, "his future wife is in the hospital, he's up all night with her little sister who he treats as his own family, he goes to _high school_ of all places, and then he comes here? I was _thrilled_ that he thinks I don't look ridiculous in this body-condom, and suddenly he locks up like I kicked him in der Säcke. He needs help, and they aren't giving it to him."

"And you're doing the right thing here," the agent stressed. "He needs friends who will push him towards normalcy and offer peer support. But right now, you need to get into Unit-02 and let us handle him, ok? He's got problems you don't know about, and until he gives the green light, you won't know about them."

Scowling, Asuka hopped up onto the lift and glowered up to Misato as she rode the platform up to her place, "Oh, I'll find out. I'm going to fix this, just you watch."

Maya's arrival was well-timed, avoiding most of Asuka's rant. Taking Shinji's wrist, she pressed a button combination that disabled the microphone imbedded temporarily. "It's ok, Shinji. It's ok. Akane-san," she looked up to the agent, "could you give us some space?"

"Sure thing, boss," Akane nodded easily, moving to impede anyone that might try to move in closer themselves. "You give the word, I'll help you carry him to medical."

Waiting a few seconds before continuing, Maya leaned in and spoke in as quiet a whisper as she could, "You're not there, Shinji. Ok? You're here. You're safe. She didn't snap, she didn't yell, she's not going to. If she does, we'll shut her down. _I'll_ shut her down." Feather-light touches to his face and shoulders slowly worked their magic, and she saw him climbing back up from the abyss, "I promise. Nobody is going to be allowed to treat you like that, Shinji. I'll…I'll disable Unit-01 if I have to. You won't be abused again. I won't have it."

"C-can't," Shinji stammered, his head twitching uncontrollably. "Danger. You'd d-die. W-won't let you."

Maya's smile let him see how his worry for her warmed her inside, "Then we'll just have to cooperate. You tell me when people are being mean, I'll handle them. I'll tell you when Angels are being mean, you handle them." Sliding her hands down to his, she intertwined their fingers, "I scheduled a full check-up, just because you wanted me to. I'm not going to hold back, Shinji. Not anymore, I'm going to support you and Hikari with everything I have."

"Good, g-g-good," his breathing began to stabilize, "n-need you around. Need M-Maya."

She nodded, "And I need my Shinji. Even if all I ever am is just a friend, I'm going to be the best friend I can be. But I need my friend to get up and fight, ok?" Looking to her left, she drew his eyes up towards the bridge, "They're going to ask questions. I need you to do your best for me, so I can deflect what I can. This was a simple misunderstanding, you've been getting teased about how close you and Asuka have become in such a short time. Seeing Nozomi faint this morning pushed you too far, and now you're just having troubles coping with everything. _Right_?"

"R-right," he swallowed more of his anxiety and took several deep breaths. Accepting her help, as minor as it was, in standing upright, he looked down, "M-Maya?"

Keeping a pleasant smile on her face, she looked up to him, "Hmm?"

"I…uhm…I love you." He felt anxiety crush his ribs, the icy tendrils of paranoia wrap around his brain, but he pressed on, "Wh-when I was aboard the _Over the Rainbow_ , N-Noelle-san told me the story about how she earned her callsign. She…uhm, she told me that it was hard to watch someone she cared about go into battle where she couldn't. But, she said it," he closed his eyes and took another deeper breath to try and swallow the last of his stammer, "she said it in a way that showed how hard it is to say those words to people. To the people who matter." When his two-toned eyes opened, there was a firm purpose in place, "It also showed me how important those words are. Loving someone means they're never 'just' a friend." Timidly reaching over, he gently gripped her shoulder, "You'll never, _never_ , 'just' be a friend."

The words washed over her, sending the candle she kept burning for him roaring into a bonfire. _He doesn't mean he loves me that way, but I'll take every scrap I can get._ "I love you too, Shinji. Let's get this over with, so we can go see Hikari for a bit before shopping, ok? I want to let her know that you're doing great in taking care of everyone at home."

+++++ 6th Angel + 4 : Thursday (42)

Sitting in his entry plug, Shinji waited for the LCL to finish filling with an urgent desire to feel the peace that unity with his Eva would bring. As soon as the basic link connection was complete, he saw Asuka and Rei pop up in small windows to the side that their Unit stood. _She's not the same woman. Neither of them are. I shouldn't have panicked. I shouldn't_ still _be acting like everything is back at the start._

"Go for A-ten," Maya called out.

The connection seated with a clank in the hollow void of his mind, and the world once more bathed in the soft glow of harmony. Breathing a sigh of relief, he focused on not moving. The constraints around him were expensive, and it would be incredibly rude to break them. His anxieties draining away, like water through a sieve, was a near-religious experience. _The world is as it should be. As I need to make it, for everyone._

Misato's voice stroked his mind, the musical notes tinged with concern, "Maya, is that number what I think it is?"

"If you think his synchronization ratio is up to two-hundred and ten, then yes. That number is what you think it is." Maya's lyrics added to the song in a new, appealing, way. Each note stimulating him to remember the bath, the shower…the kiss.

"I'm fine," he uttered, a small smile growing on his face. "I'm sorry for panicking, Asuka. It's been a really bad month, and you didn't deserve to have me lose it on you. I'm glad to have you here, fighting by Rei and I's side."

Asuka's words came through in a discordant echo, "No worries, mein Freund. We all have our off days. I'm just glad that you're bouncing back, showing everyone what you're made of." The monitor that would show her face was beyond his view, looking through the eyes of Unit-01 as he was, but the image of her actions in his mind displayed a young woman beaming a victorious grin, "Are we ready to go up and run the tests?"

"Paladin," Misato reflexively used appropriate radio procedures, "I want you to be cautious up there today. Your ratio is higher than the last time you were in Unit-01, and you know how quickly that can turn sour."

"Roger, Mother," Shinji reciprocated her tone. "I'm sorry about earlier. I'll submit myself for discipline once we're not wasting Asuka and Rei's time."

Misato snorted, "Sure. I'll spank you later, Paladin. Let's get them up top. Launch Evas in sequence, stagger by thirty. Go."

Asuka's curiosity was piqued, "What's his ratio at?"

Misato's response was firm, "Not important, Asuka. Focus on your drills, leave the science to Captain Ibuki." Shinji figured out that the volume of her voice changing meant that she was speaking off mic, "Her eighty-one is impressive, and I don't want her competing with Shinji in this. He's in a dangerous place, and Asuka should be good enough without that kind of risk."

Shinji wondered how he could boost Asuka's confidence, inspiration hitting him as the lift began sending him skywards. The ride was much slower, as the need for rapid deployment was reserved for combat situations, so he could speak as he rose, "I bet you're almost at one-to-one, Asuka. You've trained very hard to get where you are, and I look forward to learning from that experience."

"Ha!" Her laughter had a hint of joy to the amusement, "You are _such_ a flatterer. Hikari has you pegged, _Paladin_."

As Shinji crested the top of the deployment chute, he looked around and gained his bearings, "Huh…this is where I fought the Fourth." Freed by the restraints, he walked casually over to where he'd fallen after his adrenaline had worn off, "And…there's Ikari Crater."

"I would not give such a small indentation a name reserved for greatness, Shinji," Rei approached in Unit-00, inserting Unit-01's umbilical into his spine. "Perhaps we should wait until something truly causes the landscape to alter before displaying sentimentality." Her voice, unlike any of the others, held nothing that marked it as 'special'. It was as if her voice itself carried what it needed, and nothing else.

"Or," Asuka handed a pallet rifle over to him, "we could stop these bastards from having the chance to hurt our planet. I like my idea better."

Reaching over with one hand to grip Unit-00's shoulder near the neck, and the other to take the offered rifle, Shinji sued for peace, "We'll give it our best effort, Asuka. But our best will likely never be enough to stop this enemy from damaging the world around us. When change comes," he looked to Rei, "we'll adapt. We'll face their trials with steeled hearts," then to Asuka, "with confidence in ourselves and our allies, and in the end…we'll win. _Together_."

"I really have to ask this," Shinji heard Makoto through Misato's ears, "how does he go from cowering on the floor to standing confidently between two mechanical death gods, giving a speech about unity?"

"Because he's been through a life I wouldn't wish on anyone, bud." Shigeru's tone seemed irritated at his compatriot's, "Keep your eyes on the ELINT, and leave worrying about Shinji-san to Maya-kun. He's got his problems, and he's managing them as best he can for someone near to two decades your junior. Routes clear through step J-Seven-Sixteen, Captain."

"Thank you, Shigeru-kun." Misato was smirking, pleased that she hadn't had to be the 'bad guy'. "Ok, folks. We're going to do a walkthrough of the flood drill, then we're going to do a dry run. I want you to focus on communicating effectively. That means calling out what you're doing before and during your actions. Don't assume people are looking at you, and don't use terms like 'there' or 'this'. Describe, detail, disseminate."

+++++ 6th Angel + 4 : Thursday (42)

The act of coming down from his harmony was easier, though it still produced in him an inability to move without the vertigo setting him to wobbling for a time. As he reached the hatch, nearly faceplanting as he stumbled to extract himself, the engineers scooped him under his arms and helped him climb free.

"Let us help, sir," a soft feminine voice offered gently. "Just lean on us. These coveralls are meant to work in and around the LCL, so you don't worry about getting us dirty."

His neck was far too unsteady to hold his head stable enough to look to his side, but he believed he recognized the woman's voice from his first series of tests, "Thank you, ma'am. I'm very sorry, I wish I knew why I felt like someone used my head as a punching bag after every exercise anymore."

"Bah," the man that had lost his father added with a smile, "she said don't worry, Ikari-san. You're doing your best, let us engineers lend you our strength. You give it your all out there, let us support you."

Shinji recognized the second Engineer, remembering the conversation about forgiveness and their fathers. "You already do," he coughed up a stray bit of LCL, "Unit-01 operates beautifully. I owe that to your team, because I wouldn't know where to begin." Catching sight of Misato, who stood in the window considering him, he sighed, "I wish I had time to learn. I think Raffle knows the basics of aviation maintenance, and that means that as a pilot I should too."

"I won't tell you to stay in your lane, sir," the woman cautioned, "but I don't want you trying to take on more than you are. We have plenty of hands, and you have so much you're doing already. We've all heard the stories of how you're taking care of Miss Hikari's family, that's plenty enough on its own."

"Hey, Shinji," Maya greeted the group as the lift arrived at the gantries. "Thanks, folks. His vitals were reading a little unsteady after he disconnected."

"We'll support him whenever he needs it, Captain," the male engineer stated proudly. "He's carried the spirit of the Engineers boldly into battle, it's only right that we carry him bodily from it if we have to."

Testing his legs, Shinji felt confident enough to walk with only needing the railing to lean on, "I'm adjusting, slowly." Pushing upright, he looked in the two directions his fellows would be coming from, "I…should probably try and get them to cooperate outside of the Evas too." Freeing himself, he braced by Maya on the gantry's guardrail, "But which one first?"

Neither Asuka nor Rei had moved, both standing and looking at him from in front of their Evas with distinct stances and gazes. Rei's held a sense of concern, her arms hanging before her with her hands clasped, and a rising anger, her eyes glaring daggers toward the Second Child. Asuka's, on the other hand, held a hint of impatience covered over with confident pride, her hands on her hips, with her leg cocked out arrogantly. He knew that whichever way he moved first would cause him problems, and wished that the two didn't have such polarized personalities.

 _A king would ask others for aid,_ Gentle whispered to him sweetly. _Perhaps there is one about us that we could look to for such actions?_

 _Ask others for…._ The solution slapped Shinji in the face, "Excuse me," he turned to face the engineers, leaning with his lower spine against the railing, "would it be horrible of me to ask you to ask them to come here? I don't want to wave, toppling over the gantries would be just the perfect end to the day, and yelling like a child sets the wrong tone."

"Got it," the pair nodded simultaneously, looking to each other and heading in opposite directions to pass along the message.

"Nicely done," Maya approved quietly. "You're doing great, Shinji." Pulling out her tablet, she connected it to his wrist-computer and began to extract data, "I'll just pretend I forced you to stand still, and this little competition will be well and truly nipped in the bud."

Asuka, as expected, arrived first. "You ok, Shinji? Something wrong with your LCL?" Peering over Maya's shoulder, she looked at the numbers displayed on her tablet, "Huh. You need to drink more. Vitals like that usually mean dehydration."

"You're probably right," Shinji smiled, appreciating her display of concern.

"I appreciate your instruction today, Shinji." Rei announced her arrival without preamble, "I believe we are progressing more favorably now that I am allowed to participate in these exercises with you."

"It would be hard to get worse," Asuka smirked. "Maybe now that he has help, after the next Angel they won't have to scrape him out of the entry plug."

"Please," Shinji held up the hand not connected to Maya via a computer, pressing it between the two antagonists. "Rei, I don't say this to be mean: I need you to get along with Asuka. You don't have to be friends, you don't have to like her. It would _help_ , but it isn't a requirement. She wants to succeed, just like we do. Can you give her a chance to prove herself, for me?" The albino's face hardened, and for a second Shinji thought she was about to blow up at him. "I need you, Rei. I need her, too. We can't let the Angels win, and every disadvantage we give ourselves is an advantage for them."

The bluenette deflated slightly, looking away towards the cavernous spaces beyond.

"Asuka," _I can't just demand this of Rei. It wouldn't be fair._ "I need you to forgive and forget." _Please, prove that you're not_ her. "We're all under a lot of stress, and you haven't been here for it. Rei is _my friend_ , she's someone I trust implicitly." He caught the First Child looking back to him, though he couldn't make out the expression on her face from his perspective, "We all have to work together, without acrimony. I want to trust you, too. I want to be proud to call you my friend."

"If she is," Asuka shrugged, "I am. I don't know what's going on, and if she's willing to get over it we can forget it all happened. But if she gets sassy with me, I'm going to respond." The fiery redhead looked directly at Rei, "I'm nobody's punching bag." Extending her hand to her antagonist, she offered a fresh greeting, "I think we can find common ground in killing Angels, ne?"

"So long as no harm comes to Shinji," Rei accepted her hand with a single firm shake, "I shall refrain from commentary that he would find objectionable."

 _Take the win_ , "Thank you. Both of you." Shinji stood from his leaned position, "Great work today, everyone. I really feel we can win if we all cooperate."

Maya disconnected the attachment from his wrist, "I'll walk you to your lockers. I don't want you slipping and cracking your head on something." Looking to the warring states, she let her newly discovered 'officer's voice' out, "Captain Katsuragi will be distributing the AAR once Aoba-kun has it collated. I want you both to study the areas designated for improvement. Paladin is ahead of both of you, because he has battle experience. Watch his video as well, and prepare questions for him. Don't be too proud to learn from the voice of experience."

Asuka rolled her eyes, "Not like I have much else to do." Eyeing Rei, she pulled Shinji into a hug, "While you didn't need to apologize for your reaction earlier, I appreciate that you care enough about the people you work with to do so." Leaning back, she grinned up at him, "I'll tell Hikari that you've managed to impress the Great Asuka Langley Soryu, and she has my blessing to marry you."

Shinji couldn't keep the twitch from his eye, but he managed to recover well enough to smile, "I guess that's all the approval I'll ever need, isn't it?"

Tapping her knuckles against his sternum, she nodded, "See? You've got a sense of humor. Just let that out more often, yeah? Can't save the world if you can't laugh at it." Stepping away, she waved airily, "Now I'm off to wash my hair until it's all brittle and terrible, because we can't _possibly_ add something to the LCL that makes it easier to strip from us."

Rei waited until the Second Child was well out of hearing range before looking back to Shinji, "I do not like her."

Shinji sighed, nodding, "I can see that, Rei. She has a very outgoing personality, and you and I are very introverted. She'll probably never understand the two of us, certainly not the way that we understand each other, but we don't get to choose our teammates."

Rei looked to Maya, who had stood silently by to allow Shinji to grow as a leader, "I disagree with the Commander's decision, ma'am. I wish that noted."

"It has been noted, Ayanami-chan," Maya shook her head. "Believe me, it has been noted. Why don't you go use the showers in my lab? It's not that much further of a walk, and you won't have to interact with her as much."

Rei's head tilted, a clear process of weighing the additional information she'd just been given by the head of the Science Division. "I find that acceptable, and am appreciative of your consideration for my preferences. Thank you, Captain Ibuki." Stepping over to Shinji, she lifted herself onto her toes and pulled him down to allow her to kiss him on the side of his mouth, "You demonstrate capable leadership, Shinji. I approve of your choices with regards to most of the women in your life." Standing back with a simple bow of farewell, she left without further comment.

Misato's voice carried through his wrist after a few seconds pause, "Good job, Shinji. You defused that pretty well. If they can't straighten out after this, I'll involve myself. However, anybody that _wants_ to be a part of this team shouldn't need that."

"I…left it on," Shinji winced.

"No," Maya shook her head, "I turned it on when I began the check on your vitals. I thought that Misato should hear that you are performing up to the level we know you're capable of." Holding her tablet so he could see it, she'd written in a text pad, _I would have stopped you if you'd started saying anything bad._ "She can't be everywhere, Shinji. She's the Sub-Commander now, and she needs to watch over everyone. She cares about you, promise."

"You're making me blush, Maya-kun," Misato cooed over the connection. Her voice balanced stern with caring as she continued, "But she's right, Shinji. I need to know how my people are functioning. We need to make time for talks with each other on stuff like this. Leader to leader. You're my responsibility twice over, but most importantly you're my…you're someone I care about dearly." She coughed, uncomfortable with the public declaration suddenly, "Get him clean, Maya. You can handle his debrief. I'm authorizing you to cut out early so you and he can get that shopping done. Let me know if you need anything else for Nozomi-chan."

+++++ 6th Angel + 4 : Thursday (42)

Shinji cautiously entered Hikari's hospital room, a small smile growing as she looked over to him with both eyes visible, "Hi." Holding the door for Maya, he noticed a faux-pout settle over his girlfriend's face as she spied the Science Officer, bracing himself for laughing without being too noisy. "Maya wanted to visit too, if that's ok?"

Waiting for Shinji to close the door, Hikari carefully raised her nose to appear even more imperious, "I hear that someone may have taken liberties with _my_ bathtub." Hooking her finger to draw Maya in closer, she showed that her strength was improving, "I believe I may need to demand reparations as an injured party, Miss Captain Ibuki."

Maya, unlike Shinji, had not developed enough of a familiarity with Hikari's sense of humor, and approached with a downcast expression, "I'm very sorry, Hikari-san. It was sud-dooo!" Bouncing back from the bed-ridden woman's pinching fingers, shock giving way to confusion as she noticed Hikari smirking, she couldn't keep her hands from dancing before her with nervous energy, "I-I'm sorry?"

"I'll need help taking care of myself at home," Hikari continued. "Maybe you _and_ Shinji could give me a hand." Reaching for her boyfriend, she smiled happily as he took her hand and kissed the backs of her fingers, "You know. Even things out some."

Shinji, for once, was happy to see someone else blushing the way he knew he often did. Unfortunately, he recognized that he was also blushing at the moment, and his sense of victory was stifled to a degree by that fact. "Shouldn't it…uhm, just be you two? To be fair?"

"No," Hikari shrugged with a happy grin, tapping her fingers against his wrist, "because you're the 'interest' on the debt she owes me." Tugging lightly on his hand, she asked for him to come closer. As he moved, she looked to Maya, "I'm not upset, Maya-san. You had a reason for doing what you did. When I'm no longer here, we'll all sit down and talk about it. For now," sneaking her other hand over, she locked her grip onto his arm and let her smile fade, "I'm not letting him go until he explains the note."

Even with the strength she'd recovered, her hands were still weakened, and while he could have freed himself with a cough, her intent was perfectly clear and his honor held him in place. Looking to Maya, he asked the obvious, "Which of you wrote the note?"

"Kodama-san," Maya answered. "I thought she was the better choice. She knows her sisters, I'm still learning."

Hikari's tone became truly serious, "What. Is wrong. With my sister?" Her eyes indicated that she was not angry, though they held within them the promise that anger would quickly follow if she was not brought in the loop properly.

 _Think._ Shinji looked around the room, trying to determine where the hidden cameras would most likely reside. Even if all it was, was a passive surveillance to assure security, it still represented a very real risk of compounding the already tenuous freedoms everyone enjoyed. _Life was so much easier when I didn't care._ Shoving away the self-pity, he scowled, _Focus. You chose this path, you walk it._ "Nozomi-chan…had some _nightmares_ ," Shinji looked back to Hikari as he stressed the final word of the sentence. "She _saw things_ that terrified her. Then, she collapsed because she worked herself into a frenzy." Accepting his piece of the blame, he caressed her arm as he admitted his guilt, "She saw me kill myself. She saw you, and Kodama, and Maya, all dead. It was too much for her, Hikari, and Kodama is doing her best to…teach her how to handle the _dreams_."

Maya nodded, picking up on Shinji's line of thinking, "I understand it's a family trait? Kodama-san told me this morning, as I watched it happening, that your mother and the three of you all see the _dreams_ as if they're really happening. That you kind of sleepwalk, from time to time. But it gets better with age, and right now Nozomi-chan is just running into it a lot earlier than either of you did."

Hikari's face continued to fall as she listened to the explanation, the meaning obvious to her. "I…I should be there. Oh, Shinji," she clutched at him, begging for him to hold her closer, "I should be there! My baby sister needs me, and-"

"Shhh," Shinji cut her off, soothing her as he gently worked his arm under her back. _It's my time to be the one consoling someone. Just…just have to do it like everyone does for me._ "She's got a support system now, Hikari." Flicking his eyes to Maya, he jerked his head towards the bed, asking for her backing, "Not only does she have Kodama, she has me, and Maya, and even Jake-san and Nicolette-san. Those two have really taken to her."

"She's not alone, Hikari," Maya stepped over, stealing Hikari's right hand from Shinji's back and clasping it to her chest. "Kodama-san even asked me to come back over tonight. Your family is building up a sustainable network, we can support you, Nozomi-chan, and Kodama all at once. You're not failing," reading the look on Hikari's face perfectly, she pressed on that point, "you're not. Just like we're here for Shinji, you're not alone in this."

"You were there for me, Hikari." Shinji picked up his queue, "When my life fell apart. When I was ready to just give up. You showed me a path forward. You lit up the world around me, showed me that I could do better." Sitting back, he smiled down on her, "It's our turn, now. Let me show you what you taught me."

The two spent another half of an hour soothing and consoling Hikari before she could stay awake no longer. Both left the room happy that the young woman was growing strong enough to stay awake and saddened that they had to spend their time with her discussing such somber topics. It wasn't how they'd have preferred to spend time together, but they all privately admitted that it was better than not having Hikari there at all.

+++++ 6th Angel + 4 : Thursday (42)

"She needs to be home," Shinji sighed. Walking along the open-air market street with Maya, he tried to vent his frustrations while moderating his walking pace to the much smaller woman beside him, "But she also needs to be given time to heal properly. I want her home, Maya, but I also want her to be healthy when she gets there. I feel…bad, knowing that I'm surrounded by people who love me, when she's left alone up there every night. I never anticipated having to stare at the exact set of circumstances she had after every battle. This must have driven her up a wall!"

"It's tough," Maya agreed easily. "I wanted to do more, I wanted to be there for you. But my duty was on the bridge, or in the lab." Pulling him to a halt, she picked through a selection of vegetables in an assortment of crates for the best of the lot. "But, just like you knew that she had other duties, she knows you have other duties. Just like you still loved her, despite her not being there, she still loves you. You're not out partying, you're taking care of her family." Holding up two possibilities, she silently asked his opinion. "Especially since now it is _your_ family too."

Picking the one in her left hand, he nodded glumly, "I know that…it doesn't really help, though."

"Well, my next suggestion probably won't help either." Maya smirked as Shinji stopped her from offering her paycard to the vendor, instead pulling out his own. "I think you might need to spend some time with _just_ Nozomi-chan, and _just_ Kodama."

"Why?" He bowed politely in gratitude for the cashier's service, moving towards their next destination. "N-not that I don't want to, but you make it sound like I'd be 'partying'."

"Kind of," she admitted. "Nozomi-chan needs more support, right?"

"Of course," Shinji nodded, the statement obvious to him. Gesturing to the fishmonger, he steered them carefully through the human traffic.

"She would feel like things weren't all bad, if her big brother took her out to have some fun, don't you think?" Letting Shinji pick through the offerings, she measured his selection process and was increasingly impressed with how he'd changed from 'frugal' to 'what was best for Nozomi' with only a few soft reminders. He still picked out lesser portions for himself, balancing cost and quality, but no expense was spared for the little lady of the house.

"You…you're right," he sagged, as much as his body would allow him to, then took everything to the vendor for purchase. "I'll try and make some time soon, for that. After Hikari's home, though. Or, maybe in the evening after she's asleep again."

"Prioritizing is sensible," Maya stated approvingly.

"You probably mean that Kodama needs support too," another bow of gratitude, the ever-polite young man leaving a trail of admirers in his path. "She's undoubtedly really stressed. I'm not helping that, blacking out entire evenings."

"Noticed the hole in your memory, eh?" Maya sighed, "I had hoped to talk to you about it later, at home."

"Later is fine too," Shinji shrugged. "I don't remember what happened, so it's going to be a lot of me listening and apologizing." Spying the deli that he remembered visiting the day after Asuka had torn apart the house in anger over Misato's comment on their grades, he gestured for Maya to follow. Anger and irritation flooded his tone as he berated himself for his weakness, "I shouldn't fall apart like that. I have so much more in my life now, and I'm still sliding back into pointless failures like some-"

"You stop that," Maya snapped. "Shinji," she latched onto his elbow, forcing him to turn and look down at her, "that habit is terrible. You are not doing yourself, or anyone who loves you, any good by indulging in that kind of self-flagellation!" Tapping his heart, she frowned cutely, "What do you think it does to everyone around you, when you do that? How do you think it makes Hikari feel?" Lifting her chin, she reminded herself of her earlier promise, "How do you think it makes _me_ feel?"

He knew it was a bad idea as the words left his mouth, but he couldn't stop himself in time to prevent the statement, "You know you're adorable when you're angry?" The moment of unguarded truth left his jaw slightly agape, and his mind batted around the reflexive apology with the truth of the words he'd been bludgeoned with. His anger and his honesty both pointed and laughed at his foolishness. Forced, by his stasis, to continue facing the fully blushing Captain Ibuki, he was able to spot the projectile flying towards her unguarded head.

Instincts kicked in, and he spun Maya out of the path, reaching out and grabbing the glass bottle right as it came within reach. Sliding himself between the man who threw the garbage and the Captain who didn't deserve to be harmed, he felt the growl building in his chest as it bubbled free. His anger rolled forth as yet another person he cared about was needlessly attacked simply for being near him. Holding the bottle up, he snarled, "Did you drop something, sir?"

 _Steady._ Dark cautioned, _Don't focus exclusively on the keys dangling before you. Take in the entire scene, what's happening around you, Shinji?_

"Yeah," the man hiccupped. "My fookin' job. Yer pretty little cunt there got me fired." Wobbling, he pointed, "Figured she could give me a _new_ 'job'. Ya know what I mean?"

Shinji was torn between launching the bottle back at the crass animal, and listening to Dark's admonition, "Go home." Tossing the glass bottle into a nearby recycle bin, he kept his hand on Maya and held her in place behind his bulk, "You are distressing the people around you, sir."

"Don't," another hiccup, "got one. Maybe she's got a place for me to put my head."

Maya's peevish whisper brought his attention to a salient point, "Where the hell is Section Two? Why isn't anyone reacting to this?"

"Outta the way, kid," the man stumbled forward. "She owes me, gettin' me fired."

 _Nobody's helping._ Shinji realized what Dark meant, _She's blinding them to this._ Reaching out, Shinji grabbed the man's shirt as the former NERV employee went to shove him out of the way. Lifting him easily with a single hand, he sighed and tossed him into the center of the nearby stream of people. The trance that surrounded them broke as he bounced off of passersby, and Shinji pointed in contempt, "You're drunk, sir. You need to go home now."

"Hey!" A nearby police officer saw the drunkard begin to carom off people and rushed over, "Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to behave. You're acting unacceptably."

"He tried to grope me," Maya cringed into Shinji's shirt. "My boyfriend protected me, but this man is a pervert, officer. He used to work with me and tried to peep into the women's changing areas!"

"I think you need to come with me, sir," the officer grabbed the former NERV employee, using an arm lock to stop him from running. "I'm very sorry Miss, please enjoy the rest of your shopping trip. This is a family place, and I promise we don't ignore this kind of problem here."

Shinji watched as the man was dragged away, _Did she force him to do that?_

 _Unlikely,_ Dark stated dubiously. _The chances of him ever having come into contact with the Lifeblood are low. She probably is just taking advantage of the opportunity to force you into revealing yourself even more publicly._

"Creep," Maya shivered. "I'm glad Misato fired him."

Shinji reached up and gently rubbed along her upper arm, "He needs help, Maya. We can't just condemn people for their weaknesses. If we do…what does that make us?"

"We can't help everyone, Shinji." She leaned into his embrace, "They have to _want_ help. You know that firsthand, don't you?"

He grimaced, realizing that she had a valid point, "What's that word Hikari used…touché?"

Reaching up and tapping his nose, Maya grinned, "If you want." Recovering her bags, she kept her place on his arm, "Let's go buy the last of the food. We still need to stop by my apartment before we head back to your place."

"Ok," pausing again as he ran through the event once more, he looked down to Maya, "boyfriend?"

"You're my friend," she stated innocently. "And you're a boy. I didn't lie."


	50. Chapter 50

+++++ 6th Angel + 4 : Thursday (42)

Opening the door, Shinji caught sight of Nozomi as she saw him, "Good evening, Nozomi-chan. How are you feeling?"

The typically supercharged Horaki was listless as she walked over and hugged his leg, "I'm sorry, nii-san. I didn't mean to yell at you this morning, Kodama-nee-san says I was very mean." Spying Maya, she looked up to her sadly, "I'm sorry, Maya-nee-san. I made your morning harder." Scooting over and hugging Maya, she sniffled, "I didn't mean to, and I'll try not to do it again."

"I didn't say you were mean, Sprout," Kodama sighed. "I said that you were angry with Shinji in the memory. You're the one who thinks that means you were mean."

"She's right," Shinji rushed to support Kodama's statement. "In the memory, I was the one that was being mean. If I hadn't done something unacceptable, you wouldn't have had to be angry. So it's my fault, Nozomi-chan."

"Instead of focusing on that," Maya crouched, taking Nozomi's hands in hers, "why don't we instead try and think of ways to make it so the bad futures don't happen?" Smiling comfortingly, she held up one of her bags, "I hope you don't mind me sleeping over again, Nozomi-chan. I seem to be making a second home here."

Shaking her head eagerly, Nozomi couldn't suppress a tiny smile, "I like it when you stay over, Maya-nee-san. You're a part of the team now, that's what Kodama-nee-san says. That means you're my nee-san too. Now I have three nee-san!"

With another hug, Maya helped bring the littlest Horaki's spirits back up, "That makes me happy. Now, why don't you and I knock out your homework, while Kodama helps Shinji put away the groceries and start on dinner?"

The ease with which Maya handled Nozomi warmed Shinji's spirits, and he locked eyes with Kodama and shared a hopeful smile. While it was true that Kodama or Hikari were the best people to talk to Nozomi about the Horaki Curse, it wasn't necessarily bad for an 'outsider' to include themselves and give the little lady someone new to focus on for a time. Scooping the shopping bags up from the floor, he moved into the kitchen and began to put things away. _It's not bad. It's just different. Like I told Rei-san, I just need to adapt and-_

He was spun roughly around, and suddenly had a double-armful of his elder housemate as the woman leapt up and began to kiss him thoroughly. A desperate hunger radiated from Kodama as she wrapped herself around him, fear and lust combining in the music he felt from the attractive nurse. Trying not to overreact, in either direction, he attempted to slow down her affections, _I…enjoy this, but do I want this?_ Finding a distraction to use, he pushed a little more firmly, "K-Kodama, the fish. I need to put it away."

She gazed up at him through her eyelashes, her eyes smoldering with desire, "It will keep. I need this, Shinji." Kicking off of the fridge, she forced him to lift her higher to avoid slamming her lower spine against the counter. As soon as she was set atop the surface, she pulled him in closer, "Tell me, right now, that you don't need to feel good, Baby. Just for a little while."

"Kodama," he let himself be kissed again, her intent clearly to silence him before he said anything but the emphatic 'yes' that she sought. _It feels good. Should I?_ Leaning into the kiss, he allowed himself a moment of weakness. _I…I can't know, unless I let myself._ The sensation of Kodama moaning into his mouth, of her body conforming to his, created entirely new questions for him to contemplate. It was obvious she approved of his sudden reciprocation, and just as apparent that she intended to reward him thoroughly for surrendering to her desires.

Shinji's mind was normally an odd amalgamation of logic and raw, unprocessed, emotions. Those times that he 'felt' something, it was typically through the lens of a machine attempting to act like a man. Since his bonding with the embryo, he had begun to 'feel' more and 'think' less. Anger lacked context, instead of being an attempt to apply rationality to the irrational. Joy was more primal, it was felt at a level that he couldn't justify to himself. He admitted that it had led him to wanting to pair with Maya in the tub, just as it had allowed Kodama to convince him to go along with her own bathing needs.

He couldn't, though, continue to fight against physical pleasures. Instead of abstract sensations that were indescribable, there were now well-defined sensations that were indescribably delicious. He wanted to absorb the woman pressed against him, to truly become one with her. To know, as she knew, what it was to give love. It terrified him and excited him, and it was only because of an oddly-screamed giggle that he was able to pull back from the brink again.

Nozomi cackled as her knees struck the floor, "Maya-nee-san! Not my feet!"

With one foot away from the counter, and the other only half on the ground, he had already moved to engage whatever level of violence might have been needed to protect his family before Nozomi identified that all was well with her cry to Maya. He was panting, and he knew that the signs of his arousal were obvious if anyone looked in the usual spot. Hearing Kodama groan in frustration, he finished putting a bit of distance between them, "I…need to stop, Kodama."

Her voice was chocolate-covered bliss, "Why?"

Looking back, an effort to remain polite, was something of a mistake for Shinji. Sitting there, toying with the neck of her t-shirt, his older roommate was slowly showing him teasing hints of her bounty. With one hand braced on the counter between her thighs, she leaned back in a clear, and generous, offer. The Citadel of Logic, one of the few remaining bastions of what used to be purely Shinji Ikari, was forced to admit that if it had been Hikari sitting there like that he would no longer have to wonder what certain physical acts felt like. As it was, he felt his mouth begin to water and the pressure in his pants increase severely.

"B-because…I'm going t-to go too far," he admitted dutifully. "If w-we don't stop…I c-can't regret this, Kodama. I…I want…. I n-never want to r-regret you. I l-love you too much for that." Closing his hand, he dug his nails into his palm and felt none of the pain he craved, "If this happens…I want it to be a beautiful memory."

A flash of irritation marred her beautiful features momentarily, then she let her head rest back against the cabinet and sighed, "Only you, Shinji. Only you could somehow make a damn refusal into a compliment." Looking at the ceiling, she waved him towards the bags, "Put the food away, Baby. I'm not going to pounce…yet."

He swallowed, a wash of regret crossing over him as she toned down the seduction to the normal amount she naturally exuded, "I'm sorry." He paused with one hand on the refrigerator door as one of her feet lightly touched the hand resting upon it, "K-Kodama."

"I would like it if you looked me in the eyes," she said in a conversational tone, "and told me _that_ little part again. Then, I'll accept your apology."

Letting his eyes trail along her leg, admiring the toned and smooth flesh, his desires fought with his sense of propriety. When he reached her shorts, and the shadowed pleasures hidden within the loose opening, he hesitated only briefly before forcing his eyes to climb up along her light blue shirt and the curves it hugged. Her cleavage, her neck, her perfect jaw and chin, the fan of shiny, luxurious, hair…. Ripping his eyes to hers, he knew his heartbeat was on display, his neck had to be bulging in time with how hard it beat, "I…. I love…."

"You want me." It wasn't a question. It wasn't even a statement. It was a declaration of unimpeachable fact.

"…So badly." The admission brought with it a pang of regret. "I d-don't understand myself anymore. Everything's…everything's," he let his hand twitch up around his ear, "all messed up." He forced another swallow, the saliva building up faster and faster, "I don't know what I w-"

"You know what you want," she lifted her foot from the door, trailing it down his chest, then his stomach, and resting it against the physical measure of his desire. "I want to hear it." Her toes curled in an intensely pleasing manner, "And then I'll accept the apology."

Unable to speak something so…perverted…in a normal conversational voice, let alone in the state he was in, he gently lifted her foot from where it sat and set it down with its mate. Daring to lean close enough to allow her to hear him, or begin to kiss him again should she choose to, he whispered, "I love you, Kodama. I still don't know what that means, though." Reaching up, he set his fingers to her cheek, keeping his eyes on hers, "If I were a better man…I'd not be in this situation. If I were a worse man, I'd take you upstairs and follow what my body is screaming at me to do. I'm me." He gifted her with a hopeful, sad, smile, "I want Hikari, I want Maya…I want you, and I don't deserve a one of you."

She gazed into his eyes for an eternity, seeking something only she knew. The shift from searching to discovery was sudden, and her lips curled into a victorious grin as she lifted her chin just enough to touch her lips to his, "Apology accepted."

+++++ 6th Angel + 4 : Thursday (42)

Dinner's dishes were taken away by Shinji, Nozomi's spirit showing signs of recovery as she followed to help him begin washing and drying as he might need her to. The conversation around the table had been purposefully light; joy at Hikari's continued recovery or discussions on what lessons Shinji himself had been ostensibly learning in class dominating the topics. The unspoken agreement between the three 'adults' was that Nozomi had suffered enough for one day and needed to be brought back to neutral.

Watching Shinji walk away, Kodama reached over and firmly grasped Maya's hand under the table. Her eyes remained on the man she sought as she spoke, "He's changed a lot." There was no fear in her tone, as she felt the change was not only necessary but overdue, "His passions are beginning to stoke, and getting him angry will be harder for me now."

Maya fought against blushing, fully willing to admit that she was at least physically interested in the woman now holding her hand. Kodama was, at 'worst', a more physically mature Hikari Horaki. At her best, she was Misato Katsuragi's beauty with Ritsuko Akagi's sensuality. It managed to counter her defenses far too well, and she tried to focus her mind against pushing slightly to see what might happen, "How so?"

"Because when I get mad, I get horny," Kodama admitted with a sigh. "I'm going to start a fight, it's going to end with us making out, or even more. It's not exactly what we talked about, and it may not help him process anything…it may just add guilt." Twining her fingers with Maya's, she grimaced as she looked to her partner in crime, "If Hikari were here, and healthy, I would lock them in a room until she came out pregnant. He needs to release that pressure too, and I don't want to go against his wants." A short bark of laughter preceded her squeezing Maya's hand, "I actually do want to go against his wants. I want to go against his wants so badly I can taste it…and that's complicating this."

"She's…a little young for kids," Maya lost her fight against blushing, the frank discussion of Shinji and Hikari enjoying each other mixing with Kodama's touch. "But I agree, it might be healthy for them both to…share themselves with each other." Daring a little, she ran her thumb along the groove of Kodama's hand, "So how do you think we should proceed?"

Kodama's grin became teasing, "Put the Sprout to bed, take him into his room and strip him down to nothing. Then you and I ride him off into the sunset." Laughing freely when Maya's blush grew to encompass her entire face, she shook her head, "I think we go slowly. Pushing him into another meltdown after only one day isn't going to help. He recognizes that his emotions are all fouled up, maybe we won't need to force the issue. He might snap and start yelling on his own, like he did the day he came back from the trip with that…bitch." Clutching tighter to Maya's hand, she patted it against her leg, "Another day or two of waiting can't hurt, right?"

"I'm going to get her put to bed," Shinji called from the base of the stairs, Nozomi pulling him along. "I'll be back down after a story!"

Kodama called after the pair, "Make sure she brushes her teeth!" Smiling fondly at the scene she'd just witnessed, her little sister pulling on the man she'd marry given the chance…the man she'd marry happily acting as a family man to the little girl she never wanted to grow up. It just added to her desires and her joy, and she needed an outlet. Looking to Maya, she made her choice, "I'm going to sleep in my room tonight. If I'm in there with you two, I'm going to start something. I'll take care of me, as best I can, alone." Standing, she felt some resistance in freeing her hand, "Something wrong?"

"N-no!" Maya jerked her hand away as if she'd been holding an enormous spider, embarrassment slathered over her face as she realized she'd been enjoying holding Kodama's hand too much to pay attention to the conversation, "I just…I was thinking about everything, and got lost in my own head. You know how it is."

"Right," it was Kodama's turn to smirk internally. Bending down, letting her shirt hang open slightly at Maya's eye-level, she touched her lips to the side of the other woman's mouth, "You be good tonight. If I can't break his pelvis, you can't either." Sliding back with a wink, she slowly stood upright, "If _he_ starts something, though, I expect a phone call so I can come down and join in on the fun."

Some of Maya's higher-order brain functions stopped functioning for the first time in her life as Kodama walked sensuously away. The odd Americanism she'd heard once coming to the fore, _I hate to see you go, but I love to watch you leave._ Shaking herself like a dog freeing itself from water as Kodama turned the corner to go upstairs, she buried her head in her arms on the table, "I'm supposed to be here to support everyone, she even asked me to be here tonight. Now I'm contemplating jumping her?" Groaning, she slumped against the table, "I'm the worst." A cutesy ringtone played, startling Maya before she recognized that it was Misato calling her. Pulling out the device, she lifted it to her ear, "This is Ibuki."

"Maya, hey, I was told you're over at the Horaki House again. Is everyone there ok?" The sound of papers moving aptly demonstrated where the new Sub-Commander of NERV was at the moment. "I have a bit of a break while I'm waiting for a few more reports, wanted to check and make sure that our favorite family and Shinji aren't suffering a new problem. Is Nozomi-chan that bad off?"

"She's doing better," Maya reported truthfully. "Kodama-san asked me to come over again, I think she's having a hard time adjusting to being the 'adult' of the household. Nobody's ever really ready to move out and fly on their own, and she has the added difficulty of her siblings." _It's enough of the truth._

"I was wondering, and this is just me throwing out ideas so don't get all snippy on me," Misato's eyeroll was audible over the phone, "but have you considered moving in with them? One of us being there at all times for Shinji is important, and while I'd happily volunteer…I kind of have my hands full with Rei. She's an oddball, and looking at her medical records I think she's never been really treated right. Kozo's playing something close to his vest with her, but I'm slowly working her into being a norm…well, being a less-odd teenager."

 _If only you knew, lady. He's protecting both Rei and you._ "I wouldn't really know how to approach the topic, though. I don't want to make it seem like I don't trust them, Misato. Don't they deserve a chance to make a home of their own?"

"Oh please," Misato snorted. "Kodama is struggling against the demands of being an adult while also helping Shinji learn what it means to be a part of a family, Hikari already has Shinji's affection and if she weren't in the hospital they'd be married, and Nozomi-chan needs an adult around that isn't only half-focused on being an adult. Whatever our little man has going on, it's drawing women like flies." She paused, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't joke like this, it's a bad habit I developed, and it is just going to get me in trouble." Sighing, the sound of a pencil tapping a rapid tattoo on a table carried over the line, she slowly came around to her point, "Maya…I think he has a crush on you."

"Y-you…do?" _For someone so perceptive, you are one of the_ densest _people I have ever worked with, Katsuragi._ "What makes you think that?"

"Can I be blunt?" The pencil slowed, "Without hurting your feelings, I mean. I'm not really good with this, and I'm trying here."

"Spit it out, Misato," Maya sighed. "We agreed at the bar that we wouldn't dance around like this. We've got to work together to save the world."

"I'm sure you know how many guys look at me," Misato started without modesty. "I've got a reasonable amount of experience with lustful looks, and even with the looks guys get when they actually think they love someone. If I were to lay out a scale, and put…say, Makoto Hyuga on the 'lust' end of looks you get…." She paused, her pencil speeding back up for a time.

"Wait," Maya frowned, " _Makoto-kun_? I've never seen him eyeing me, Misato."

"He's better at hiding it than most," she responded with a snort.

Maya laughed, "I…wouldn't agree, we'd have to surgically remove his eyes from your tits if they were mobile."

"And your ass, if that were the case," Misato countered. "Maya, I know you don't have the street-sense that I do, but if you were willing the man would live inside of you. He's a hornball, and you've got this adorable tech geek thing going on that speaks to the part of him that isn't seeking after supermodels that he's not willing to work out anywhere near enough to draw the attention of."

"He does have a bit of a paunch," Maya agreed easily. "And that aftershave, ugh."

"We're getting away from the point," Misato's hand slapped her table, snapping the pencil audibly. "Damn it." Scraping sounds mingled with the rest of her sentence, "Shinji actually has a thing for you, Maya. I can see it, plain as day. He doesn't look at me like that, he never looked at Ritsuko like that, and the only other person that I'm positive I've seen him look at in that way is lying in room three-fourteen sleeping right now."

"So…why do you want me to move in, then?" Maya frowned, the two points seemingly contradictory.

"Because I…made a mistake," Misato's voice drooped. "When all of this started, Maya, and he was just starting out with Hikari, she told him that she thought adding in another woman would be something fun to try. That by them both dating another woman, they'd just have that much more love in their lives."

"O…k," her mind worked through what she'd told Misato and what she hadn't.

"What if she was right?" The powerful officer seemed nothing like the hardened military commander at that moment, "What if Shinji needs more than one person _in love_ with him?"

"Misato-"

"You love him, Maya." She stated it with unwavering confidence, "And you're too good a person to act on that. I'm also somewhat adept at reading women the same way, having had more than my fair share of looks from your team." She tittered, "You hide your lustful looks well, my dear, but I have eyes in the back of my head and I don't mind that you like my ass. I had thought you weren't interested in men, and maybe you're just interested in Shinji, but I want you to think about what I'm saying. You get along with Hikari, you're in love with Shinji, you're a good person that I could trust to not abuse either of them, and they need someone with a bit more life experience to help them move forward during, and maybe even after, all of this horror."

Maya was stunned, she had honestly anticipated a fight whenever she brought up everything to Misato. While both…all of the people she was 'interested' in were of an age that it was legal, there was still the social taboos. Misato wasn't exactly conservative, but she wasn't someone that had actively encouraged Shinji to go out and experiment. It was her admonition that he not pursue a polyamorous relationship that led to him stepping on the teacup and….

"Just," Misato continued, hoping that Maya was giving it some thought, "…maybe let me bring up the idea to them. That way you don't have to seem eager, and if anyone rejects the idea it isn't directed at you. I'll take the heat one way or the other, and if it works, it works."

Maya decided to take her own advice and be blunt, "Would you really be all right with me sleeping with Shinji? Because that's what will happen, Misato. He might even get me pregnant."

"…I'd rather it was with someone I can trust, Maya. I've been reading the profiles of the girls in their class, and there's a lot of trauma there. You have young woman after young woman without a mother, fathers bringing home random women, I trust Shinji more than I trust any other man, but he is _still_ a man. You give one of these kids a chance with him and instead of me knowing that the mother of his child is a good person who wants what's best for him…." Misato left the rest unspoken. "Just give it some thought, Maya. I'm not ordering you to do anything, and I won't act without go-ahead from you. I just wanted to throw the idea out there, maybe see if I couldn't at least bring some happiness to his life instead of always having to detract it."

She pushed the rest of her points forward, "And what about Hikari? Isn't she good enough?"

Misato pulled no punches, "What happens when Hikari dies? Where does he go? What happens when Hikari's cancer comes back? When Kodama finally snaps and pushes him away by coming apart at the seams? Shinji isn't just some man, Maya. He's not a walking erection, he's one of the _good ones_. But he's also beyond damaged, and he needs…he needs more love. If it helps you understand, I contemplated doing this myself."

Maya's eyes widened, the thought of Misato moving in worrying.

"I can't," The lavender-haired beauty's admission not completely banishing Maya's fears. "I can't be with him like that. I mean, sure, I'd sleep with him. But I'm not the kind of person that can sacrifice 'me' for 'we' outside of work. I've got too much of my own baggage, too many scars, and I would just end up ruining something beautiful instead of adding to it." Her voice warmed, a smile obviously growing, "So instead, I'm going to be 'momma'. I don't have to change his diapers, and I don't have to take him home every day and punish him. I can support him, love him, without tangling romance into the weird dynamic we've been building over the past months."

Maya frowned, aware of the irony of her question, "Aren't we discussing manipulating him, then?"

"Not when you want him like you do, when he wants you like he does, and both of you feel about Hikari strongly. You can't deny she's a striking young woman with more than enough kindness to be worthy of Shinji. And if she grows up to look like her sister does, or this picture of her mother from their file, she'll be smarter than Ritsuko, prettier than me, and I doubt you'll be able to keep your hands off of either of them." The sound of pencil pieces being thrown away brought the line of thought to an end, "Like I said, this isn't an order. Feel the situation out on your end, I'll make some comments from my end, and if it works out I'll settle for being named God-Mother of your firstborn."

Maya spotted Shinji coming down the stairs, and she gestured to her phone to show that she was speaking to someone else, "If…and I mean _if_ it's what they want."

"Great!" Misato perked up completely, "I have the authority now to approve it unilaterally, so you just let me know and I'll smack whoever needs smacking around to get this done. By the way, both of us are being promoted so congratulations. Give Shinji a kiss goodnight for me, and I'll see you at work tomorrow. Bye!"

The line went dead before Maya could open her mouth to respond. Pulling the phone away to look at the 'call ended' screen, she blinked, "Promoted?"

Shinji had approached quietly, tidying up the last bits of the home as he waited for his guest, "Someone was promoted?"

"Apparently I was," Maya frowned. "So was Misato-san."

His smile was immediate, and heartfelt, "Congratulations! You deserve it, Maya. You've really stepped up, and I don't want to imagine what things would be like at work without you around." Bowing politely, he repeated his praise, "Congratulations." _This time I can notice before it's too rude to congratulate Misato as well._

His statements poked at the embers of her libido, the recognition of her work and the knowledge that he felt she was indispensable working her mood just as easily as Kodama's physical allure. _Spirits of all, I wish I didn't feel like I was trying to take you from Hikari._ "That's very nice of you to say, Shinji. But your hard work makes my job that much easier. I owe any promotion to your support just as much as my work."

"No, no," standing tall again, waving his hands before him, Shinji warded off any attempts at praise, "I haven't done anything but make life more complicated. You could be enjoying an evening off tonight, but instead you're here helping me out."

She tilted her head, her expression as free of guile as it would always be, "What if I want to be here?"

"I-I…." He realized he had no answer, the thought never crossing his mind.

Standing, she crossed the table and gently took his hands, "What if I wanted to be a part of your life, Shinji? What if I wanted to work hard at NERV, then live well by being a part of a caring family?" Looking to Nozomi's backpack, she drew his eyes there, "What if I wanted to help Nozomi-chan learn?" Then towards the kitchen, "Or help you cook?" Then to the TV, "Or watch shows with Kodama?" Finally, towards his bedroom, "Or fall asleep next to Hikari, or you, or both?" Turning back to him, she let her smile show how she felt about the possibilities, "What, Shinji, if I want to be here?"

"But this…it's all work." He shrugged, "We're a team, yes, but don't you, Kodama, Hikari, don't all of you need a break?"

Maya shook her head slowly, "Shinji, part of being a team is digging deeper when times are bad. You can't just ride out the good times and be a part of something great. You have to show that you actually want to make the lives of the people around you better. If you don't, you're not a teammate, you're a leech." Freeing one hand and tapping his chest, she smiled pleasantly, "You know that. You _live_ that. You've taken every chance you have to make the lives of people better around you. The Horaki family, Rei-san, Asuka-san, if the reports I read today are true the kids in your class…. You need to let us decide what we want to do, and accept that we want to do it."

"I…I just don't want to…." Looking down to his feet, he whispered the truth, "I don't want to be hurt. I'm tired of hurting."

Maya stepped against him, regaining his eyes, "How is my wanting to help going to hurt you, Shinji?"

His answer was nearly inaudible, "What happens when you don't want to, anymore? What happens when I'm all alone, again?"

She offered a counter that was intended to provoke him into thinking beyond the negative, "What happens to me when you tell me you don't want me around like that?"

"I-I-I…I d…. Y-yo…." His face contorted as the reflexive servile tendencies slammed into the prohibition against lying. Eventually efforts at vocalizing came to a halt and instead his mouth worked silently in an effort to provide an answer that he felt would fit all of the needed parameters.

Maya let him suffer for a time, knowing that he needed to be given a chance to actually think instead of just react. It was torture, for her, but she was resolved to be mature about the situation. _I'd love nothing more than to ride him off into the sunset…but not if that isn't what he truly wants._ Stifling a sigh, she mentally groaned, _I think I understand his hesitation, with Kodama. She's gorgeous, but she's needy as all get-out. Tear down a building for the ones she loves, but she needs to be fueled with physical affection in return. Though…._ "Shinji?"

Her saying his name seemed to startle him, his eyes widening, flickering rapidly in a vain effort at recalling the audio memory of a statement she'd never made, "I-I'm sorry, I…I was thinking, what did you say, Maya?"

"I didn't say anything," _Have to keep him calm,_ "I had another thought. You're actually thinking about what I asked, and you're trying to give me an honest answer. That's good," she soothed his chest. "It makes me happy to know that you're taking what I have to say seriously. But, I had another thought, and it kind of feeds off of the first." Her eyes flicking to the stairs, she reconsidered the location of their current discussion, "Would you mind if we went into your room? I don't want to keep Nozomi-chan up with our noise."

"O-oh! Yes, sure," nodding, he stepped free of her light embrace and moved to open the bedroom door for his guest. "I should have thought of that."

 _All of his problems in the past, and he still is a gentleman._ She favored him with a charmed smile as she passed, _If he tells me that he doesn't want me around, I'm going to eat half of Tokyo-3's ice cream. Or Misato. I might see about Misato. She would understand…no. No, I am not going to become that kind of woman._ Turning to face Shinji, she redoubled her conviction, _I'm not going to fall into that trap. I'm better than that._ Once he gently closed the door, she waited another few seconds for him to flick on the light. Then another. "Shinji?" The dim glow of the LEDs attached to his phone charger provided barely enough illumination for the room to be limned with a pale blue trim, "Do the lights not work in here?"

"O-oh!" Slapping the wall, he felt for the switch, "I'm s-sorry, I forget I don't have them on. I'm so used to it, that I don't turn them on." Striking his goal, he winced as the ceiling lamp filled the room with its false-white glow, "S-sorry."

"Oh dear…." Maya sighed, "Shinji, you need to…no, that's not what we're focusing on right now." Frowning, she chastised herself for becoming distracted again, "How do you feel, Shinji, about physical affection?"

"Ph-ph…damn it," closing his eyes he glowered enough that Maya became concerned.

"Shinji?" Reflexively stepping forward, she laid her hand on his chest, "Shinji, what's wrong?"

"The stammer," he spat out. "I sound like I'm incompetent. Even without Asuka getting angry at me over it, I'm tired of it. Every time I get nervous, or anxious, or I can't think of an answer, I start stuttering like someone's electrocuting me." Opening his eyes again, he looked piteously at the woman before him, "I can control it, kind of, but I have to think about it. I've become better at that, while living here, but well…with everything…."

"You're fine," Maya encouraged him. "It's a part of you, like your eyes or your hair. I'd rather you feel comfortable with your flaws than think that I, or anyone else, has the right to demand perfection from you. Ok?"

The hint of a smile that settled on his lips spoke volumes, "Thank you, Maya…I will try to remember that."

 _He'll never internalize it, with that attitude. He thinks I'm just being 'nice'._ "So, physical affection," _I can't win that fight right now. It's a war, and I need to choose my battles._ Stepping back, she reset the conversation, "How do you feel about it?"

His discomfort grew, "I…uhm…it depends?"

Maya nodded, "When Hikari kisses you?"

"I…I like that," he blushed slightly.

 _Just have to accept his answer,_ "When I kissed you?"

"I…." He frowned and looked down, and she felt her heart stop. When he looked back up at her, a far-too serious expression on his face, he answered simply, "I liked that too."

 _Shinji Ikari…you are maddening._ "So…what about when Nozomi-chan climbs you? That's physical affection too, just not the romantic kind."

The smile that broke through his gloom answered well before he spoke, "She…I wasn't kidding when I say she's the reason I haven't run away several times." He looked up in the direction of her room, "Hikari didn't mean to, and I know that, but she's almost scared me out of her home. I thought she was breaking up with me, and I needed to get away. Nozomi-chan blocked me," he turned back to Maya, his smile settling into a fond grin, "with nothing but a science book and a pep-talk about how family forgives family."

"That's good, though," Maya clapped happily. "Shinji, I can see in your eyes how much she means to you. How much _they_ mean to you. But here's the tough question," she waited a beat for him to nod, "what about when Kodama-san kisses you?"

His grin faded, his shoulders slackened slightly, and she could tell that his answer would be as conflicted as she was, "I…don't know."

"Ok," _I need to ask him questions without leading him places._ "Do you understand that you can find someone physically appealing, even enjoy the acts of physical intimacy, without there being more than a physical attraction?" _That…probably led him somewhere._ _Crabapples_.

"Yes," Shinji surprised her by shrugging. "There…I've been giving that a lot of thought, lately." He seemed to change how he was phrasing his answer quickly, "There is a girl at school, she had apparently been chasing after a man in college that takes care of her dorm. I think they didn't last more than a week or so before the relationship she'd been pursuing soured completely." He let his head bounce from side to side, "I wondered why she was so eager, but it was something that Hikari mentioned. It was possible that Shinobu-san was attracted to the _idea_ of him, instead of the real him. She wanted to 'this and that' with him, instead of build something…I shouldn't say better, but…what _I_ would find better."

 _Ok. Score one for Shinji._ "So your confusion with Kodama-san…?"

"If…if I stumble over this," his hands clenched rhythmically, "please don't hate me, Maya."

"Never," Maya shook her head slowly, taking his hands and squeezing them softly to force them to uncurl. "You aren't a bad person, Shinji. You aren't abusing anyone but yourself, and I'm trying to _understand_ you so I can _help_ you."

"Noelle-san, when we were on the boat," he stopped as he sought the right words.

The small quirks of his face, the way he seemed to physically speak to himself, everything he did drew Maya towards him. He was a beautiful introvert, and she loved his mind and his spirit. _It doesn't hurt that he's gorgeous, admit it._ She swallowed a scowl, chiding herself mentally for admitting it openly. _Tall, dark, handsome. He's everything you convinced yourself you'd never find._ Her eyes narrowed, and she began to wonder if what she was hearing was actually her own thoughts.

"She said," Shinji beginning again tore her away from her contemplations, "that if she and I never slept in the same bed again it would be a tragedy. Not because she wants to…do that, but because she felt safe."

Maya nodded, "Ok. She's one of the most vocal proponents of you getting help, I can easily see her bonding with you."

"The thing is," he continued, "she also said that if she and I had…uhm…." He lowered his voice to a whisper, "If we had sex…." Coughing, he returned to his normal tone, "It would be the best ever, but it would just be…that." Squirming a little, he forced the admission out, "I…thought about it."

"About having sex with Captain Minders?" _She's nice enough, a little plain, but she has enough personality for twenty women. She's the kind of woman I can see Nozomi-chan becoming, fierce, loyal, and unwilling to put up with anyone's nonsense._

Shinji nodded, "Not actually doing…that, but what it would be like."

"Ok, that makes sense." Maya agreed easily, "I contemplate that from time to time with people that interest me. That's good that you're coming to understand that it isn't evil to do so, then."

He struggled with his words, "I…I don't know if…uhm, I'd be terrified I was starting something I'd never be able to finish."

She stated the truth as she saw it, "Because to you, sex is love."

Doubt covered him, "Is that…wrong?"

"Not if it's what you feel, Shinji." She sighed, hearing her own ethos spelled out so timidly was as gratifying as it was frustrating. "Some people can go from person to person, never developing a connection deeper than twenty centimeters," she gestured towards a body part that she belatedly realized she had just admitted to measuring. _Oh no. Ohhhh, crabapples._ A crimson tidal wave broke across her face, "I…uhm…." It was her turn to close her eyes, "I'm sorry."

"It's…uhm, it's ok," Shinji's reciprocal blush was just as complete. "I asked that you…uhm, you not be mad at me. I can't be mad at you for…uhm…for admitting that…." He bowed, "I'm very sorry, Maya-san. I thought about you in the shower after today's tests. When I was in the stall, I was sad that you weren't in there with me, and you don't deserve that. Hikari doesn't deserve that. I'm-"

Slipping her fingers over his lips, she inwardly thrilled that she'd made such an impression, even as she fought back the embarrassment of being so forthright about his 'measurements'. "I would have, Shinji. I would have gone in there," _Just admit it_ , "I would have stood between you and the wall, I would have let you fill me. I would have done everything without shame, because I want you that badly…." Lowering her hand, she put some distance between them again, "But that's what _I_ want. And what I want is only half of this." Sucking in a steadying breath, she composed herself, "So. For some people," _This is so difficult_ , "just having sex is enough. There's no real way of telling how many feel what, or who is which way, or even if they know themselves. But for people like you," she placed her hand on her chest, "and me, we don't want to be intimate without romance. I would bet, if I were callous enough to do that, Hikari is the same way."

"K-Kodama isn't," he admitted his fears. "Is she?"

"I don't know," her shoulders raised and fell, "I think for her, the two are all muddled up. I think, and again this is just my thoughts, that because she loves, she wants to engage in physical intimacy. She might be fine with 'just sex', or she might have decided to wait for someone she truly loves. I'm not her, Shinji. I can't speak for her."

"So…what should I do?"

 _Me._ Maya held her hands out to her sides, "What feels right for you, Shinji. Never more, or less, than that. Like I said, I know what I want to do, but I am only half of the equation. I will not, ever, put pressure on you to do anything."

"Not like she does," he stated with a sour expression. "I…I enjoy it, though."

"Hard not to," she tittered. "Kodama is incredibly attractive. Enjoying it physically isn't the end-all, be-all, though."

"R-right," Shinji latched onto her statement and nodded eagerly. "I…I want to…but I don't. I wouldn't do anything like that, but she…she…."

 _Crab. Apples._ "Shinji, is she pressuring you into doing things you don't want to?" _She said she was going upstairs to stop herself, but she doesn't come across as someone with strategic amounts of reserve._

"N-no," he waved his hands before his chest, panicking slightly, "not…not entirely…. I…I enjoy it, I just…now isn't the time. Hikari's in the hospital, and I shouldn't be…you understand," he gestured towards her, "you told me that in the bathtub. You said that I have time, that I should wait and be certain. Not…not in those words, but…."

"But you understood exactly what I meant," Maya smiled comfortingly. Clenching the right side of her jaw, she thought through potential solutions. Removing Shinji from the house would solve the pressure Kodama could apply, but it would alienate them at a time that she needed unity from everyone. She had no authority to impose rules, and doubted they'd be followed regardless. _That woman is aggravatingly opaque at times. I want her to get him to work through his anger, but not by developing unhealthy coping mechanisms!_

"And then," he hesitated, desiring to admit something but not wanting to at the same time.

"It's ok, Shinji," she rolled her hands, "you know I'm on your side here."

"I…I agreed to not go further than Hikari and I…or you and I," he blinked, "n-not that there is a you and I, I'm not saying you're my girlfriend or anything you don't deserve to have me I'm sorry I shouldn't-"

"Shinji," clapping her hands together once, she stemmed the flood of apologies before it could sweep him away, "stop." _He's so wonderful, and so maddeningly abused. If I could get my hands on the Misato and Asuka from his…I'd…probably get my butt kicked, but I'd try._ "I've said this before, to you and Hikari, _if_ you both want to date me…then that's that. I will never, _never,_ be offended by the notion that you are interested in me. Knowing that someone as nice as you, someone as pleasant to be around as Hikari, want me in your lives? It would make me happy. I mean…yes, I'm seven years older. And believe me, I have reservations about that, but that's why I want to be cautious. I don't want to hurt you, either of you, despite how mature you both are."

"I…I don't want people to look at you poorly, Maya," his eyes fell back to the floor. "You don't deserve that, not with everything you've done."

"Slow and cautious, Shinji." Bending to the side, she looked up into his eyes, "We wouldn't have to go around announcing it to everyone. I don't know about you, but I'm kind of a private person. My life is my life, and my work is my work. I work at work, and live not at work." She smiled when his eyes timidly flicked to hers, "Work is for working, and neither of us is tacky enough to go around sucking on each other's faces when we should be trying to prepare for killing Angels." Sensing him relax, she stepped back in, judging that he needed the confidence she'd grant him with proximity, "So, what happened with you and Kodama? I won't be angry, at you or her, ok? I'm here to help, not judge. Not yell, or rant, or hurt."

"She…wanted to take a bath, after she heard you and I…."

Haltingly, he told the tale of his night with Kodama. The things they did, how close he felt he came to doing more. How she'd not gone past where he'd set the line, but how much she'd done within the confines of that agreement. As she stood there, internally fuming at the woman upstairs pushing him so hard, she kept her face carefully neutral. She would not say one thing and do another, no matter how badly she wanted to. Explaining, by means of conclusion, what had happened in the kitchen a short time before dinner, he stood waiting for her reaction.

"I see," _Keep it even, Ibuki. He trusts you, don't abuse that._ "Well, that sounds like what we've talked about. Now, my advice, and you can take this or not depending on how it meshes with what you feel, is to be more firm."

The manner in which he fretted was endearing and irritating, "Won't that…hurt her?"

"Pain is growth, Shinji," _Don't I know it,_ "sometimes in order to help someone grow, you have to allow them to experience pain. If you take all of the pain on yourself…what happens to Nozomi-chan when we're gone?"

Turning the conversation to the rearing of the little lady of the house set the point firmly in his mind, where it found fertile ground to grow, "The stove…."

Maya frowned, "Stove?"

"Like a child reaching for a hot stove, you inflict a little pain to spare them worse pain later…. I said that to Dark and Gentle, because they were squabbling over how best to help me." He seemed to relax, "I'm terrible at taking my own advice, aren't I?"

"Aren't we all, Shinji. Aren't we all." Hearing him turn around quickly worried her a little, but she was happy to see that he was thinking at least. _I need to make sure he doesn't boomerang._ "Now, I'm sorry to say this but I need sleep. I have to get up early to be into work tomorrow."

Turning towards his futon, he quickly assessed what would be needed, "Ok, I'll grab one of my extra pillows. Do you need another blanket? I'm always very warm…when…." He slowed to a halt as she stood there giggling, "D-did I do something wrong?"

"I was going to sleep on the couch, Shinji." A fond smile played at her lips, "I wasn't going to be a hypocrite about things."

"B-but…." Something changed in his face, and he nodded to words only he could hear, "I…enjoy sleeping with someone there. Even if I haven't really been sleeping as much as I should, I relax having someone by me. Hikari, or Noelle-san…or you. Knowing I'm not alone…."

She tilted her head slightly, attempting to neither appear eager or disinterested, "Are you sure?"

"…Please?" He smiled hopefully, "I'm finally…I'm not alone anymore."

 _Never again, Shinji. Friend or lover, never again._ Smiling joyously, Maya took him up on his offer, "Well then, how could I say no to such a heartfelt plea?"


	51. Chapter 51

+++++ 6th Angel + 5 : Friday (43)

School had largely been non-existent for him, a fact that he was both grateful for and irritated by. It was nice that the day could go past without adding drama, but he would have much preferred to be with Hikari instead of his classmates. Something had happened at the odd dormitory Shinobu lived in, meaning that she wasn't at school to visit with him during lunch. He tried not to feel pleased by that, as she had lingering dislike for both Rei and Yang and it was tiring to have to engage constantly as a peacekeeper. However, Yang herself was out with a head cold. He had tried to contact her during the first break, checking that she hadn't had something terrible occur, and was told by her mother that she would be fine with a little rest.

His lunch had been spent nearly silently, Rei calmly eating by his side and saying little. He felt no pressure to keep up a conversation, as the bluenette shared his view on the keeping of company: the presence itself can say a thousand words where the mouth delivers three. Though he knew that there were several odd looks sent his way, as most people would expect him to be engaged in the usual lively conversations he'd held, it wasn't unpleasant.

After the end of his class, while he was walking out to the vehicle that would take them to NERV for the day's tests, he set his pace to Rei's and allowed her to linger at her tasks. He wasn't blind, nor as oblivious as he had once been, and had picked up on her subtle cues that she wished for more time with him. The problem was, as ever, finding the reason and the means to give his time to her.

 _You could always invite her to dinner,_ Gentle offered softly. _Perhaps something special, like you are making for your other ally._

The unexpected intrusion was fortunately timed, as he'd just sat down in his seat and could play off being startled as having sat upon something, _That's…that's what I'm doing for Asuka, though. I should do something different, shouldn't I?_

Amusement filled the voice's tone, _It is special to the one who does not often receive such invitations from those she'd wish to spend her time with, is it not?_

He couldn't come up with a counter to that. "Rei," looking across the bench seat to the albino pilot, he waited for her to turn and consider him. "I know that you don't want to come over tonight, so…how about you and I arrange for a dinner soon? Hikari will be out of the hospital in a few days, we could try and do something after she'll be free to visit with you as well."

She seemed to measure her response, "I would enjoy such an opportunity." After a slight hesitation, she surprised him, "Would it be possible to…perhaps include my current housemate? I believe that the Sub-Commander would enjoy the chance to build upon her relationship with you and I."

"That…sounds great," Shinji let his smile show. "I like that idea, Rei. I think I can come up with a menu that you'll like. I'll run it by you, and you can tell me if there's anything you wouldn't eat. I know that you're vegetarian, and I don't want to accidentally run afoul of any needs you have."

Rei's ever-tiny smile greeted his statement, then she returned to her contemplation of the world outside of the vehicle. Whatever thoughts traveled through her head, she intended them to remain for her own ends.

The rest of the trip was spent analyzing traffic patterns, as Akane adjusted her speed and direction depending on the actions of the two cars guiding them to their destination. Today, they were in the rear of the column, the two other sedans bullying a path through the afternoon traffic in the surrounding city. He could feel the agent's nervousness, as she disliked intensely having to rely on other drivers that she didn't feel were up to her own skill level. Every new car on the road created a hundred scenarios in her head, her reflexes tuned and prepared to engage in a variety of maneuvers to get him to NERV safely.

When, as usual, they arrived in the parking lot without any accidents or serious issues, he felt compelled to speak, "You do a really good job, Akane-san." He smiled gratefully for her when she looked back to him, "My few trips with Misato-san…I can tell the difference between you two. You don't feel every trip is a race, but you still want to get where you're going quickly. I feel safe in the car with you, and considering how little I travel in vehicles I think that's important."

"That's nice of you to say, kid." She grinned, shifting her body fully to speak with him, "If you want, when you're ready, I'll teach you how to drive. I know you don't have anyone else to turn to really, but it's a skill I've practiced a great deal. Gone to more than one school, and I have the certification to teach most of them now. You let me know, I'll make it happen, yeah?"

"I'd like that," Shinji nodded slowly. "If I have to get someone to safety, I shouldn't rely on there always being someone around."

"Too true," Mikoto agreed eagerly. "Always be ready to act, Shinji-kun. When things go pear-shaped, knowing that you can act means the difference between saving lives and joining the corpses."

His door popped open, revealing Idunn, "Everything ok in here?"

"We're good," Akane responded with a wave. "I just got a compliment, and I was offering to teach him how to drive. Not that he should need it, but it'd be safer if he could do it well in a pinch should the worst come to worse."

Standing up from the vehicle, he helped Rei climb out his side of the car, "Akane-san does a great job, Idunn-san. I feel safe in the car with her, and I really should learn from someone with that kind of skill. I can't accept being ignorant of my own safety any longer, and I have to start somewhere. Where better than with someone that you trust to do the job properly?"

The tall redhead appraised him seriously, "Is that what you want, Shinji?"

He held up a hand, trying to make it clear he wasn't mistrusting of the people protecting him, "I'm not asking to drive myself, just learn how to…for emergencies." Laughing, he gestured back to Akane in the driver's seat, "If she drove me around for the rest of my life, I'd be thrilled. It means I never had anything terrible happen, and no more emergencies happened either."

Idunn nodded as she closed the door, "Ok. Agents," she addressed the two from the rolled down passenger's window, "I want you to put together a lesson plan. Once you have that set, I'll look it over for approval, and we'll see what we can do to make it happen." Looking back to Shinji, she tilted her head as she tried to gauge how well that fit with what he'd wanted to happen.

"Thank you," a polite bow, a warm smile, and Shinji felt that another simple curiosity had been satisfied without causing anyone significant problems. The day had gone well so far, and he was feeling more and more confident in his ability to keep it moving that way. An idea popped into his head, "Rei, did you want to learn too? I can't imagine it'd be that much harder to teach two or three people. Right?"

"Easy enough," Mikoto answered. "Classrooms usually have at least a dozen students for the courses. Three is easy-mode."

Shaking her head slightly, she declined, "I will pass, thank you." Standing on her toes, she pressed a kiss to the same place she had taken to doing so upon, "I will see you for our synchronization test. Please exercise caution, there have been an increased number of female employees demonstrating carnal interest in your person. I do not wish a repeat of past incidents."

 _A round of applause for Rei Ayanami, ladies and gentlemen,_ Shinji silently sighed. Watching her flow around obstacles between her and her destination, he looked up to Idunn as a thought struck him, "I…had meant to ask."

The redhead turned from scowling after Rei to earnestly attending to her principle in a heartbeat, "Yes?"

"I…never told Rei-san what happened." He hated to infer that someone had leaked information, and while he wouldn't have minded letting her into his confidence, he had to mention the security risk. "I don't know who would have, but…is it really common knowledge now?"

"You…." Idunn's scowl deepened, "You never told her?" When he shook his head, she looked away, her eyes flicking as she sorted through her memories, "That was…a week ago. I noticed her statement, hard not to," she grimaced, "but I thought you had just shared with your friend. If you didn't…you're sure you didn't?"

"I wouldn't have," he admitted quietly. "I hadn't had a chance to talk to her, with…everything. When it rains around me, it tends to monsoon."

"I'll investigate," Idunn declared firmly. "When I find out who has the dribbles…." Gripping Shinji's shoulder, she smiled sadly, "Thank you, Shinji. I know it isn't easy to trust me, but I promise you I want to help. This sounds far too much like a security leak waiting to happen, and even if it's just unclassified personal information we can't be too cautious."

It was his turn to be confused, "I…I do trust you, Idunn-san. You've worked very hard protecting Hikari-san, Nozomi-chan, and Kodama-san. Without you, I don't know what I'd do." He turned his hands, showing they were empty, "I don't have your skills. And you haven't done anything bad, not that I know of. I'm lucky to have you around, and even luckier that you're easy to get along with."

"Paladin!" Noelle's call cut off Idunn's response, "Whatcha doin' here? Your Light's in the hospital, this is the garage for the lab-wing." Tying off her hair, she wore the jumpsuit indicative of a shift 'on alert'. "You got work stuff?"

"Good afternoon, Raffle," he bowed to the irascible blonde pilot. "I have a synch test today. I'd rather be visiting Hikari-san, but she's going through a few diagnostic tests with Rina-san and Maya-san. They're helping Doctor Charcot-Benoit, and I'd just be in the way."

"Noelle," Idunn frowned as the smaller woman hugged Shinji's side, "what is this I hear about my brother giving Shinji a gift?"

"Wasn't a gift," Noelle shrugged. "It was payment from a bet that someone lost. Paladin here won a footrace, first part of the payment was from Glitch through Vidar, second is on Feelgood once 'is Light can attend." She smiled up to Shinji, "Can't have a pig burn without yer lady there. That's just rude."

With a snort of frustration, Idunn raked her fingers through her hair, "Those knives are dangerous, Noelle. I would think you of-"

He felt the woman at his side stiffen. "Shinji," that Raffle used his actual name set him to preparing to separate the two women, physically if needed, "go get yer testin' done. I expect Tits is growin' impatient. I've a few things wot needs clearin' up wit' yer security chief." Slapping him on the ass, she pushed him into motion, "G'wan, get. We'll catch up later."

There was a momentary urge to try and unsnarl whatever had just happened, though it was quickly ruled by his more rational half that whatever he had to offer would likely just increase the volatility. Between his diminutive pilot ally using his given name and the look of anger growing on the woman who protected him, discretion and valor won out over hope and sincerity.

Without looking back, for fear of incurring the wrath of Noelle Minders, he moved rapidly into the facility proper. _The knife might be dangerous? It's a knife._ The concept seemed bizarre to him, _Of course it's dangerous. It cuts things! Stabs, filets, dices, any way you look at it, it's only as dangerous as the person using it makes it._ Nodding to a pair of employees that smiled and waved as he came near, he held the door to the elevator open for them, _I hope that they don't get into anything. I…don't want to try and bet who'd win that fight._

"Excuse me," the voice of one of the women brought him back to his surroundings, "Mister Ikari?"

"No, please," he shook his head, "just Shinji, Miss. I haven't done anything worth calling me 'Mister' over." Trying to recall where he might have seen either of the ladies before him, he engaged the standard polite protocols, "Can I help you, somehow?"

Standing at about waist level, the moon-faced woman giggled, "I wanted to thank you, 'just Shinji'. My younger brother has suddenly shown a renewed interest in applying himself with his schoolwork, and my husband and I are grateful that he's actually trying again. He credited you, when I asked him, saying that if you can do well in school despite having to come here and defend the world at random, how could he do any less?"

Working through the roster of his class mentally, Shinji landed on one of the quiet students that had been teased more than once for having a rather round face, "Tsurumaki-san? He's got a very good grasp of the material, Miss. I think he just had problems asking for help because he's been being teased by a few students in 3-C. I had a few words with their Class Rep, then with their homeroom teacher. We're in High School, we shouldn't still be acting like children."

The other woman sighed, "If only we had a Class Rep like him, eh?" Standing near to shoulder-height on Shinji, she reached over and patted his arm, earning a scowl from one of the two agents shadowing him, "Yuuki-kun here has raised Yoshi-kun by herself, Shinji-san. Between her and her husband, they've done a fantastic job I think, but when I visited yesterday, he was actually asking Taru-kun questions." Laughing, she smiled to her confederate, "I thought it was kind of cute, how he used a couple of your kitchen utensils to demonstrate the points that confused him."

Shinji recalled explaining how air resistance was affected by the shape of objects, using a bowl, a plate, and a whisk as three examples. That his fellow student picked up on that brought a smile to his face, _Good job, Tsurumaki-san. I'll have to remember to ask him how he's doing with it tomorrow during class._ "I really believe he didn't need much help, if any, Miss. Your younger brother is very bright, and I think he'd make an excellent chemical engineer. His grasp of the geometric formulas used in our chemistry block is what prompted me to try a different way of explaining the physics problem. He may just not learn exactly the way the teacher instructs."

The elevator reached Shinji's destined floor, and the two women both waved cutely as he shifted past them. Thanking him again for his actions, they seemed just a touch nervous about the way the agents moved protectively with him. Once the doors were closed, Shinji turned to head towards his lockers.

"Toccando ciò che non è loro, vergognoso," the swarthy agent to his left muttered.

"Lui è irresistibile, Paola. Non puoi biasimarli per il desiderio," the lady to his right laughed charmingly. "How is your lady-love, Shinji? I hear she may be released from this hell soon."

"She's getting stronger every day, ma'am," he responded brightly. Whatever they had said was clearly not for his ears, and he wasn't going to be rude enough to ask about it, "I'm hoping that either tomorrow, or the next day, I'll be able to take her home. I miss her dearly, and I wish I could be there for her like she was for me."

"You are," the first agent assured him. "I've sat in with her more than once, and she speaks glowingly of you. She has nothing but pride in you and your good works, Tesoro. You are always and ever first and foremost in her heart, have faith in that."

"She is a strong woman, with clear eyes and a good sense of purpose," the second added. "I look forward to seeing your bambini, your babies. They'll be gorgeous."

Shinji blushed, "I…I don't know how much I'd add to that, ma'am." Stopping at the door to the lockers, he bowed, "I'll be out in a moment." Ducking quickly inside, he tried to avoid blushing any brighter as the two women rolled their eyes and looked at each other as if he'd gone daft. _Babies._ He sighed as he began to strip quickly out of his school uniform, _I know that Hikari would want to have them…but will I be anything even close to a good father? …Will I be there for them?_ Looking at himself in the mirror, he groaned, _Thinking about children…I don't even know if I'll live through the Angels._

The thought refused to be dismissed so easily, however. As he dressed himself in his work clothes, thoughts of what little girls would look like if he had children with Hikari, or Maya, or Kodama, or…Rei? _Where'd that come from?_ Shaking off the odd thought, he pressurized his plugsuit and smacked his cheeks a couple of times, _She's a friend. I don't even really think of her like that anymore. Sure…she's very attractive in a haunting kind of way, but…no. Friends. That's all._

Noelle's contention that even 'just friends' could still enjoy each other in sensual ways danced into view as he went to leave the lockers, and he found himself once more contemplating what blue hair and white hair might combine towards. Stepping back into the hall with a scowl, he turned and moved without the customary hesitation for his agents to form up around him. The two agents took their cue from him and projected the sense that not moving rapidly out of his path would end painfully for any of the employees they passed. Neither woman understood his irritation, as he'd entered the room in an excellent mood all things considered, but whatever bothered him bothered them.

Striding out onto the gantries, he caught sight of Maya working near Unit-01 with a couple of engineers and slowed, "Ma'am," he turned to the swarthy agent, "I need a few moments alone with Cap…Major Ibuki. Could you make sure nobody eavesdrops?"

"Right away," the woman sprang forward, speaking in hushed tones into her throat mic.

The second agent kept her voice lowered, "We good, Paladino? You seem agitated."

"I'm fine," he growled. "Please make sure nobody listens in, I need a little privacy, if that's possible here." The woman nodded, slowing down and eventually stopping at a reasonable distance to direct people away from him for a time. Once he reached Maya, she'd already stopped what she'd been doing and stood waiting for him. Scooping her up from the ground, he set her on the railing with a vice grip on her waist, "I'm sorry," he leaned in and whispered. "Can you mute this?" He held up his wrist between them.

A bit of manipulation resolved the problem, and the newly promoted Major placed her hands lightly on the back of his neck, "What's wrong, Shinji? You look fit to chew steel and spit nails."

Looking both ways, he leaned in and placed his forehead atop her shoulder, "It's _her_." He tightened his grip enough that Maya would have to lose her midsection to fall down, "I think she's messing with my mind, Maya. I'm starting to…someone mentioned babies today."

"O…k," she frowned, "there has been a lot of talk about the precursor activities to procreation of late. What does this have to do with your _guests_?"

"I was thinking about what they'd look like," he continued. "With Hikari, or…or you, or…uhm, or Kodama."

"With me?" She fought a losing battle against a blush, "W-well, that…is something I've sometimes wondered about too."

"But then…I wondered about Rei," he finally got to the main thrust of the matter. "Remember what I told you she said? In the room with the big magnet? What if instead of Rei, she's attacking me? Or both?"

"MRI," she reminded him absently, her mind already focused on the new problem. "Ok…ok, I'll check a few things while you're in the plug today, Shinji. It's just a synch test, and I have a few tests I wanted to run anyway since we know you can already go well above safe. I'll also check with Rei-chan. I'll look for any oddities in the spike trains, or maybe something in the amplitude response during gamma…never mind," she laughed. "I went too technical there for a moment. I'll check, we'll talk later, ok?"

"Thank you," standing tall he smiled down at her in relief, "I don't know why I waited as long as I did to trust you with the truth, but I shouldn't have." Lifting her up from the railing, he hugged her close, "Dinner tonight, will you be able to make it?"

"Wouldn't miss it," she returned the embrace. As he lowered her, she took his wrist and fixed the microphone, "There we go, all better." Drawing his attention to her actions, she flipped the switch to speak to the bridge, "We're ready, Misato." She stepped out of the way as Shinji waved the two support staff back to their posts, "Had a bit of a hiccup, should be able to get him rolling. Once the ladies arrive, we can start them. No need to wait for them, though."

"Roger," Misato's response was abstracted.

Muting Shinji's microphone, Maya smiled ruefully, "Colonel Katsuragi didn't get any sleep. She's going through the personnel roster and pushing people out of places they were unsuited for." Smiling as Shinji offered her a hand up onto the lift to his entry plug, she continued, " _Misato_ , on the other hand, is just worried that everyone is going to hold it against her that she jumped over two ranks. She needs our support, Shinji. Not that I think you'd withhold it, mind. Just letting you know the situation."

"Thank you," he looked up to the bridge, seeing Misato directing traffic from her normal position confidently, just not crisply. "I'll…do what I can. I don't know how much influence I have over everyone," he turned to smile at Maya, "but I'll encourage people to support her as best they can. She works hard, harder than I do, and she deserves our support."

"She has the backing of the Engineers, sir," one of the two mechanics added confidently. "Colonel Katsuragi keeps an open mind when we bring up problems, and she's always been good at passing our recommendations to you when possible. We'll make sure our fellows support her as she grows into her new position, right Samson?"

"Too right, mate," the second man nodded firmly. "My husband works in finance, I'll make sure he spreads it around that Paladin trusts her. Watercooler talk is a good place to get the word out, you know."

Surprised that his word would carry even that much weight, Shinji bowed gratefully, "Thank you, both. Please, if there's anything I can do better…don't be afraid to come and speak with me directly. I may not have much power, but I'll do what I can to help."

"Doesn't have much power," the first mechanic laughed. "That's a good one, sir." Tapping in the code to open the plug up, he stood clear with a half-salute, "At your ready, Paladin."

"Just focus on the Eva, Shinji," Maya tapped her tablet, "leave the rest to me."

Shinji nodded, smiling hopefully, "Right." Entering the plug, he moved cautiously to his seat and tried to relax. The LCL quickly began filling the chamber, the monotonous sounds of liquid being pumped into the chamber as oxygen was sucked out lulling him into a semi-trance. He'd been through the process so often that his mind automatically began adjusting itself to what would happen next.

 _Babies._ The word seemed fraught with hundreds of different meanings to him, inspiring fear, worry, anxiety…very little of the images that came to his mind would even be remotely considered pleasant. _Is that how I view them?_ The liquid subsuming him created an odd echo as he forced the air from his lungs, _I don't view taking care of Nozomi-chan that way, or Sakura-chan…I need to make more time to go and visit her. Is it just when they're little?_

 _It's the humanity in you railing against the inevitable, Lover._

Shinji froze, _You._

The alluring voice issued a throaty laugh, _Who else, Shinji dear? It took me some time to adjust to what you've become, but I do hope you know that nothing will keep us apart forever. We're destined, pet. The sooner you embrace that, the happier you'll be._

"Go for A-ten," Maya's voice reminded Shinji of the impending test, and brought to mind an idea.

 _Why, though?_ He accepted he couldn't try and be tricky, it would not only be obvious but he also knew he sucked at it. _You control space and time, you could create hundreds, thousands, of me! What's so special about me?_ The sense of filling Unit-01 followed the clank of the connection between man and machine, and he had to spare part of his mind to not gesturing when he 'talked'. _I'm nothing, I'm just a human. You're beyond that…aren't you?_

Misato's voice, the fire and the heat, floated about his ears, "Hey, isn't that number supposed to stabilize faster?"

 _You think so little of yourself, pet._ The tenor of her voice changed, caressing his mind like an old, familiar, lover, _Why do you believe yourself 'just' a human? Or even human at all? Have you not seen what I've helped you become?_

"He's fine," Maya stated quickly. "I asked him to think about something specific, we're trying to determine why his synch ratio is so high." Her voice seemed to tickle, the incongruity of her lies against the trust he held in her creating an oddly disjointed sensation.

Rei walked past on the gantries, looking up at Unit-01 with a frown of concern.

 _Doesn't she please you?_ He could feel the feminine presence lay against his front, a mocking mimicry of his time in the bath with Maya, _Her perfect flesh, her eyes, her submissive nature?_ He felt a caress along his cheek, _Imagine how she'd pleasure you, pet._

"Oh…good idea, Maya!" He saw Misato pat Maya on the shoulder, "Let me know if you need any help, I'll see what I can do to juggle the resources for it your way. We've got to take care of him…only pilot I can really trust."

 _I don't want that,_ Shinji disagreed viciously. _I just want to be loved, I don't care about any of the rest._ He frowned, trying to concentrate on the presence in his lap without focusing on the likely point of contact between him and her, but also concerned that Misato would feel she couldn't trust Rei, if she didn't trust Asuka.

Maya shook her head, "I'm fine, Misato. He won't fall down, not if I have anything to say about it."

 _But she_ will _love you, pet. She can't do anything else._ The figure slid pleasurably along his front, _They all will. Whichever of them you want. All you have to do is will it to be so, and it can all be yours. No more loneliness, no more sadness. You'd have their love for all eternity._

Shinji forced down a wave of revulsion at the thought of someone's will being stolen away, of Rei mindlessly appeasing his desires, _I don't need that. Her love is not yours to offer, and I will maroon myself on the moon before I let you control her or anyone else._ The vocalized thought of the moon caused him to suffer that same burst of images, only this time there was a captivatingly beautiful woman laying just before him, languidly caressing his leg from her perch.

 _Oh?_ Amusement simmered beneath her words, _Are you certain?_

"Not…to backseat drive here," Misato said nervously, "but that number's still climbing."

 _I am positive. Why would I accept something so wonderful if it wasn't freely given?_ He shook his head to clear away the odd fog, _Would you want me to treat you like that? Like you were nothing more than a doll for my wants?_

Maya mirrored Misato's nervousness, "Shinji, whatever you're doing, please stop." He felt the love she had for him woven into her words, "I need you to relax, ok? Your rate's too high and you're going to…." She paused, an audible sigh flowing through the entire bridge, "Thank you. We're working on our end to wrap up the data collection, ok? You'll be out of there soon." Her voice changed, her microphone supposedly muted, "Having him do synchronization tests for more than spot checks is dangerous, Misato. Repeated exposure might be what's causing his score to climb, and we can gain insight in my lab without putting him in Unit-01 for anything short of an Angel. We don't need to 'improve' his score, we need to cut it by at least half!"

 _You truly aren't him,_ the presence against him spun about, sitting astride his waist and curling her legs around his. … _I could make more than thousands, Shinji. I could make countless copies of you, and it would be meaningless. I believe you might understand a little of the why, if you just think about the various conversations you've had on the topic._ The sultry lilt was still present, but the active seduction was gone from her voice, _I need your help, Shinji. You can do something that nobody else can, and if you will just give me this one little thing…I'll give you everything you could ever ask for. Anything at all, I will lay at your feet. Myself, this country, the world. Just…please…._

The connection broke between him and Unit-01, his consciousness collapsing down into the human shell he occupied. The wave of dizzying vertigo hammered him a dozen times harder than it had even the first time he'd experienced it, and he lost control of his balance, falling over the control yokes and onto the floor of his plug. Nausea forced a gagging cough from him, destroying any hope of focusing on the odd mental conversation he'd been having.

He vaguely heard Misato's voice over the system's intercom, "Get him out of there, now!"

"I'm fine," Shinji croaked out. "I'm…fine…just," he flailed for the seat, trying to pull himself back up into it, "just give me a second."

Her retort was immediate, "Fine my ass-"

" _Misato,_ " he pulled himself to where he'd be visible on the camera, "stop." He knew he wasn't cutting a very dashing figure at the moment, his head wobbling to and fro, but he projected as much confidence as he could muster, "I…wasn't ready. The connection terminated suddenly, and I just…need a second." Laying his head back against the seat, he grimaced, "It's like waking up from a nightmare…disoriented, dizzy, and suddenly not where you were a second ago. I'll be fine, I just need to get my bearings."

The lavender-haired Colonel's eyes could chisel stone, "…You are going to go with Major Ibuki for a check-up. You will lay down at least one hour, and if she does not feel that you are _fully recovered_ after that hour, I am _ordering_ that she take you to Temple for a full physical. I don't care what plans you have tonight, do you understand me?"

"Shinji," Asuka's voice cut in, "I can take a raincheck, if you need." The hint of concern in her words was buoyed by the follow-on comment, "I don't want you to keep pushing it and not be able to hold up your end of the fight later. Dinner is every day of the year, Angels are a less common occurrence."

Coughing out the LCL from his lungs as the level dropped below his mouth, he tried to make himself understood, "I'm fine. I'll have dinner ready by seven-thirty, we'll have a good time, everything will be fine." _You truly aren't him_ , he smiled at the words. "I think everything's going to start to be better for us. I just need to practice more."

+++++ 6th Angel + 5 : Friday (43)

Sitting once more in the shower attached to Ritsuko Akagi's old lab, Shinji let Maya do all of the work in cleansing him of the vile LCL. He'd frightened her, and the least he could do is let her work off her frustrations as she'd asked him to. That she wasn't wearing anything was, to his shame, something of a bonus. "And that's when you cut the connection," he shrugged. "I don't know if I'm back to only hearing her in the LCL, or if the connection's just stronger there, and while I've tried to ask Gentle and Dark…no response."

"Well…crabapples," Maya worked her fingers through his hair gently, taking her time and enjoying the bonding. "I cut your connection because you were pushing closer to three hundred percent, Shinji. You stabilized and dropped back down, but I didn't want to risk you shooting back up for whatever reason. It's not like we can talk openly about this, and I had to do what was best for you. Two hundred doesn't make sense according to our models, and I'm not being coy when I say I'm terrified of what will happen if you keep climbing. The little theory I understand seems to indicate that you might lose cohesion as a separate entity," she hugged him from behind, placing the back of his head between her breasts. "I don't want that. Even if it was to allow us to understand this voice better, I don't want to risk that. I'd never be able to face Hikari."

"It's ok, it's not like I'll never enter Unit-01 again," he reached up, intending to pat her wrist and missing. The soft flesh he met not being the hard bone he'd aimed for caused him to lock up, his hand remaining in place against the smooth surface, "I-I…."

With a giggle, Maya reached up and laid her hand atop his, "It's fine, Shinji." Smiling as she worked his fingers with her own, she let her other hand work soap across his chest, "It's just skin."

"I-it's not…it's _your_ skin, Maya." With his brain once more having traction, he gently withdrew the offending limb, "I sh-shouldn't just…that." Coughing, and suddenly much warmer than he had been previously, he tried to ignore the thermal expansion occurring by changing topics, "I…uhm, I was going to wear something reasonably nice for dinner. But…I don't want to seem like I'm flirting or anything. Do you think you could help?"

"Sure," her hands caressed him, washing, touching, "so long as you understand that I'm going to choose what _I_ think is best, and not necessarily what would be what _you_ think is best."

"I trust you more than I trust me," he laughed. "I'd pick something she either hated or thought was trying to appeal to her, and it'd ruin the evening for everyone." _Am I doing the right thing?_ He let the laugh die, "Maya…I'm scared."

"I'm sorry," she jumped back, "I-I didn't mean to-"

"No!" Shinji spun, trying to reassure her that he hadn't meant he was scared of her. Moving too fast while he was still dealing with the lingering dizziness, he fell off of the stool and landed on his back, bouncing his head off the floor. Going limp, he sighed, "I'm scared that I'm hurting everyone." Reaching up towards the ceiling with one hand, he gestured directly to Hikari's room, "Her. You. Everyone." Letting his hand fall, slapping the floor by his side, he pushed upright, "Here I am, nude, in a shower with a woman that could very easily be controlled into loving me. Could be screaming silently inside as she watched her body do things she hated."

"But…I can't be," helping him stand upright, Maya frowned cutely. "Remember? I can't be controlled, this 'Gentle' and 'Dark' said so. This is me, Shinji," smiling, she put his hand on her belly, "just like it was you in the bath." Her eyes, free of the pressure that Kodama exuded, simply echoed her smile, "Nothing bad. No dark terrors, or hypnosis. Just a silly lady falling in love with a silly man, hoping that he'll share his silly girlfriend with her."

Considering her statement, turning it this way and that to find flaws in the argument, he admired the soft curve of her stomach beneath his fingertips. "I should step aside," he sighed. "You and Hikari would be wonderful together, and what am I doing? I'm taking. Taking from both of you, from Kodama…from everyone."

"Because we're giving," Maya reached over and turned off the water. Looking up at him with a sad smile, she shrugged, "I'd be unhappy with only half, Shinji. Not of you, or of Hikari…but of both. If I only had Hikari, I'd miss you. If I only had you, I'd miss Hikari. I've spent a lot of time with you two here in the labs, and she has a great deal of potential. If I could only convince her to give up on teaching, get her to focus on computer science, I think she would outdo me in short order. A beautiful mind in a beautiful body, I'm kind of jealous. Now," pulling him towards the towels, she grinned, "as it turns out, we spent an hour in the shower. I think you're healthy enough, let's go work on dinner."

+++++ 6th Angel + 5 : Friday (43)

"See how simple it is?" Shinji set everything to a low temperature, ensuring that it would stay warm but not overcook, "The ingredients are a little different, but in the end it's just a matter of learning how to combine things."

Nozomi stood on a stool away from the stove and the possible splatter of oil, dressed in a powder blue A-line skirt with matching top, following along with everything he'd done to prepare the odd, foreign, dinner. "I think I understand," the youngest Horaki nodded, "but isn't it really dry? All of the flour sucks up the moisture, right?"

"The hardened outside seals the moisture of the meat in, Nozomi-chan," Maya walked back into the kitchen to pick up more for the table. "That's the purpose of frying, and why it's so delicious despite being terribly unhealthy." The newest Major of NERV wore a pair of billowing cream slacks, with a tan blouse embroidered with a single rose, "I wouldn't recommend eating like this all the time."

"Working out helps," Kodama offered, accepting the plates from her superior. "But only so much." Stealing a page from Hikari, she wore a shoulder-less denim sundress, something she noticed Shinji was having a hard time keeping his eyes from, "Your nii-san promised me that he wouldn't make this often, no matter how much people beg. I want everyone around for a long time."

Looking to the clock on the wall, Shinji wiped his hands down, "And I agree. I prefer to make meals that are good for us, because those can be just as tasty if you have the time to make them well." Helping Nozomi down, he smiled to Maya, "I'm going to go get changed. She should be here in a few minutes." Ducking off to his room, he paused only for a kiss from Kodama, who grabbed his undershirt to stop him from possibly escaping the well-intentioned attack before letting him go to his destination.

"Maya-nee-san," Nozomi asked quietly, "why are we helping the lady who hurt him?"

Maya considered the question, then decided to answer honestly, "Because…those memories haven't happened yet, and they may never happen, Nozomi-chan. Remember, Asuka-san doesn't know about any of this. She hasn't lived that life or done those things. We're just trying to build a friendship with a coworker. Hopefully we'll be able to guide her away from the memories you've seen." Guiding everyone from the kitchen area, she helped them take up positions in the conjoined dining room-family room.

"I'll try," she replied dubiously. "But if she is mean to him, I'm going to be rude."

"You won't have to," Kodama quickly fixed the barrette that had come loose from her sister's pigtail. "Because I'll toss her butt out of the house before you can."

"Let's all remember that we're here to support Shinji," Maya stated firmly. "He's developing his skills with leadership, we need to let him learn, or all we're doing is holding him back. None of us want that, right?"

"I wish Hikari-nee-san was here," Nozomi sighed. "She could help teach nii-san. She's been a leader her whole life!"

Kodama put on a brave face, "She'll be home soon, Sprout. We've just got to keep Shinji steady until then, ok?"

"Right." Nodding firmly, she stood taller, "He needs our help, so we're gonna do what we can for our family."

Stepping back into the room, his charcoal slacks and jade green collarless shirt in place, Shinji took a look at everything in the home one final time, "Ok…I think we're good. Can anyone think of anything we've missed?" A knock on the door cut off any replies, "Oh! Uhm…ok. Ok." His face betrayed a slight panic, before he mastered himself once more, "Ok. Friends."

Walking past the gathering of ladies, their heads following him in unison with a variety of looks on their faces, he opened the door and revealed his former housemate. Dressed in a neatly darned peasant blouse and skirt combination, and carrying a small backpack, Asuka gave him a quick appraising look. Pursing her lips, she nodded, "Excellent. I was worried I might have been underdressed, but you had the same idea I did."

 _Thank you, Maya._ "Please, come in," bowing politely, he gestured her into a place she'd been often, in another lifetime.

"So formal," she teased. Stepping in and tapping her shoes free, she caught sight of the gathering of ladies, "Hello, Major Ibuki, Kodama." Pausing, she seemed to brace herself. Once more demonstrating a skill she'd shown before, she whispered without moving her mouth, "It's No- _zo_ -mi, right?"

"Mmm-hmm," Shinji knew better than to interrupt an Asuka in motion.

"So that means," striding over, she crouched down to her haunches before the little lady of the house, "that you're the one in charge of this zoo. Your sister has told me a lot about you, Nozomi. She says that you were the one she trusted to make sure that Shinji did his homework."

"Pleased to meet you," Nozomi bowed politely. "Welcome to our home."

Shinji could sense Asuka's nervousness, the minute signs that none of the others would be familiar with indicating an issue he'd have to address soon to avoid an explosion. Surprising him, she responded with only a smile, "Thank you for having me." Swinging her bag from her shoulder, she dug inside and pulled out a heavy, wrapped, package, "Where I come from, it's common to offer a gift to the lady of the house when you visit." Extending it slightly, Asuka tilted her head, "It isn't much, but I hope you enjoy it."

Looking for permission from Kodama, she gently took the gift after a subtle nod, "Thank you, ma'am."

"Go ahead and open it, Nozomi-chan," Maya urged. "Where Asuka's from, it's expected."

"Right," Asuka nodded with a false smile. "I know that in Japan you do things different than I do, but it's ok to try new things, right?"

Tiny fingers took longer to manage the wrapping, but Nozomi soon had the paper free and exposed a thick, hardcover book. Slowly reading out the title from the furigana, she worked her mouth around the odd foreign name, "Gurimmu's Fairy Tales."

"It's in Japanese, with the original German on the opposite page," Asuka explained. "Hikari told me that Shinji reads you a story at night, from time to time. I thought you might like to hear something from another country, maybe use it to help learn a different language." Tapping the cover, she smiled the kind of smile that Shinji knew meant she was lying through her teeth, "I grew up listening to these stories. Every kid where I'm from knows them, or at least of them. You can be the one to have new stories for your friends, neat huh?"

"Wow," Nozomi's eyes lit up as she held the book close, "thank you, ma'am!" The chance at hearing new and exotic stories worked its charms over the youngest Horaki, her earlier concerns over Asuka's potential harm falling away.

"Please," Asuka stood up, "just Asuka. Or if you _have_ to, Asuka-san."

"Go ahead and put your book upstairs, Sprout," Kodama patted her younger sister on the back. Waiting while her younger sister dashed off, she looked back to Asuka, "Thank you. That was very nice of you."

"We're all friends, Kodama. Your sister tells me you have a fierce protective streak, and I can appreciate that." Extending her hand, she lifted her chin, "Whatever happened the night we met, you were dealing with one sister in the hospital, another too young to deal with all the recent pain inflicted by life, and having no choice but to be the strong one. Take two?"

Eyeing Shinji, the eldest Horaki nodded. Gripping Asuka's hand, she accepted the gesture of peace, "Everyone deserves a chance to prove themselves. Thank you for keeping Hikari company."

"That's no chore at all," the redhead laughed. "Your sister has a very dry wit that I wouldn't have anticipated. Give her a quick second to adjust to a situation and she seems right at home. I think I see what Shinji saw in her, and why she's so taken with him." Turning back to the cautiously hovering Lead Pilot, she flicked her head towards the gathering, "Stop wallflowering, Shinji. There won't be any fireworks tonight if I have a say."

"S-sorry," he responded autonomically, approaching and placing himself equidistant between the three remaining women.

Shifting closer to Shinji, Asuka continued her campaign of socializing with her new 'leader', "So what are you doing here, Frau Ibuki? Looking to enjoy some downtime, or making sure that Shinji doesn't fall down after that weird hiccup during testing?"

"A little of both," Maya shrugged. "Shinji's response to Synchronization has become a challenge for us, and his health is obviously a matter of some concern professionally." Reaching over, she gently took Kodama's shoulder in her hand, "But, I'm mostly here because I enjoy his and the Horaki family's company."

"That's good," Asuka nodded. "We should all try and get along, after all, we all want the same thing," she gestured to Shinji, turning to him and winking.

Kodama nearly lashed out, barely restraining her anger at the woman's gall to try and move in on him even after everything she'd done. She would not stand for some upstart, foreign-

Asuka continued unawares, still facing Shinji, "A nice, healthy, husband for Hikari. If he's there for her, he's there for the fight. We all win if he's doing better than he has been, ne?"

Having noticed Kodama's anger growing, Shinji eagerly jumped on the topic of work as a means of avoiding discussions of the love polyhedron he'd been trying to extricate himself from, "Speaking of fighting, Asuka-s…Asuka, Maya-san said that your score went up today. Good job!"

Maya moved to back Shinji's play, reading his fears easily, "One and a half points, not bad at all, I agree."

"Well, I have to pull my weight somehow," the redhead laughed happily, her ego stroked nicely. "But, I can't know what I'm shooting for if I don't know your score, Shinji. How high have you managed? The number's been redacted from the data feeds."

"For good reason," Maya's 'command' voice attempted to shut down the topic. "Shinji's ratio is dangerously high. That's part of what caused his vertigo today, and it's why we don't want people competing for that mark. You are well over the necessary threshold and making strides towards improving, Asuka. If anything, we want Shinji to bring his score _down_."

"And I think that's more worrying, Frau Ibuki." Planting her fists in her hips, Asuka laid out her opinion, "If I _shouldn't_ be doing something, I should know what it is. If it's dangerous, I need to know what to avoid. You can't keep us in the dark and expect us to comply!"

Shinji had to admit that from the perspective of a pilot, that was a very true statement. How many things had been kept from him the first time around? How much trauma could have been avoided with better communication? Interrupting Maya with a raised hand, he offered the truth, "I'm over two hundred and fifty percent, Asuka. Today, Maya and Misato say I approached two hundred and ninety before I stabilized."

Red hair fanned out as she snapped her head over to face him, a look of shock scrawled on her mien, "M-mein Gott en Himmel, Shinji that's impossible! You can't go _over_ a one-to-one ratio, that's like being better than perfect!"

"I wish that were true," he shrugged. "My rate keeps climbing." Hearing the return of Nozomi, he slashed at his throat with his fingers, "We'll talk later, ok? Me and you. Pilot to pilot." Turning to face Nozomi, he put on his best smile, "Looking forward to bedtime, Nozomi-chan?"

"I looked in the book, they have stories about ghosts and wolves and frogs and all sorts of weird things!" Bouncing happily, she hopped over and bowed to Asuka, "Thank you very much Asuka-san. We don't have enough money to spend on new books, and having a whole big book of new stories is super exciting!"

"Why don't we serve dinner, Sprout." Kodama embraced Shinji as she passed, whispering, "I expect to be told the same information, Baby. I can't help if I'm kept in the dark."

Shinji nodded, a shallow motion to avoid drawing the little lady of the house's attention. "Please, Asuka, Maya, let's sit down. I agreed to let Kodama and Nozomi serve, since I demanded to cook everything myself." Pulling out Maya's chair first, he helped her sit before repeating the gesture for Asuka, "I'd do it all myself, but they convinced me that they were hosting too." Frowning at the setup of the table, he finally noticed that someone had set a place at the head, "Who's…sitting here?"

Maya answered gently, a firm undertone to her words, "You are. As host, that is your place, Shinji."

Asuka seemed momentarily confused, then understanding dawned, "Right. The father would usually…Toshiro Horaki, was it?" The side of her mouth curled up as she nodded, "Hikari told me what happened, I think that's wretched and I only hope that the driver stays in jail a long time." She looked over to the shrine dedicated to the Horaki Patriarch they'd kept in the living room, frowning, "It's sad, he was a better father than mine with how much love he's inspired in his daughters, for sure."

"Don't just stand there, nii-san," Nozomi called as she carried out a large plate of potato pancakes, "I can't serve you if you're not sitting down!"

Kodama stood behind her, holding the bowl of applesauce. Nodding in both encouragement and understanding, she looked down at the chair, then back to the man she loved. "You are hosting, Shinji. The host sits there."

 _I'm so sorry, Toshiro-san._ Seating himself, he tried not to appear too uncomfortable, _I swear, I'm not trying to take your place. Nobody could replace you in their hearts._ "Well…uhm, I hope you enjoy dinner, Asuka. I…uhm, I don't have a lot of experience making this dish, and everything might have been a bit rushed tonight." Food was quickly distributed, Kodama and Nozomi making an extra trip for the meat and tea before seating themselves, and soon everyone seemed to be enjoying the meal. Shinji watched everyone carefully, looking for signs that anything they tried wasn't up to standard.

"So," Asuka dabbed at her lips with the cloth napkin, "I'm going to go out on a limb and say that you ladies are terribly spoiled if this is 'rushed'." Laughing prettily, she gave the man at the head of the table a golf clap, "Bravo, Shinji. I am impressed."

Blushing at the praise, he inwardly thrilled that she was acting so…nice. "Maya and I went shopping yesterday for the ingredients, there's a deli that specializes in uncommon meat. We were able to ask for some veal to make into schnitzel. I thought to try the breaded kind…I figured you might prefer it."

"It's crunchy," Nozomi chimed in. "But really soft inside. Like salty meat candy."

"Try dipping the latke into die apfelmus," Asuka encouraged the table. "It's really good that way." The dinner moved along with Asuka answering questions about where she'd been, Shinji sharing stories about his schooling, and both engaging in a subtle dance of figuring the other out. Several times the vivacious redhead caught him directly mimicking her movements, and after the fourth such instance, she thought to comment on it, "You know…that's a very odd tic. I'm not sure I could explain it psychologically."

Maya's voice was almost too calm, "What's that?"

"Shinji," she answered thoughtfully. "He's subconsciously pantomiming everything I'm doing at times. Some sort of analytical mechanism perhaps?"

His jaw halted in mid-chew as Shinji realized that he'd relaxed enough around her to allow the odd unity training to surface, "I…uhm…."

"It's from the abuse he suffered," Kodama answered coldly. "Where he came to us from, the people there asked him to do all sorts of terrible things, alone or with only horrible people to work with. Eventually, he ended up doing exactly what they did to save himself. It was the only way to get them to stop threatening him."

"Schrecklichen Leute," Asuka scowled. "That anyone would treat a human like that is terrible," lifting her chin, she pronounced judgement on herself unknowingly, "that they would treat someone as kind as Shinji like that is unforgivable." She turned to Maya, "I've asked several times for him to receive better care, Frau Ibuki. I know that it isn't your decision that's holding this up, but is there nothing we can do?"

"There have been discussions," Maya worked around the topic, "about moving me into the home here. I have formal schooling in psychology, as part of my twin doctorates. I wasn't intending to go into the field, but I at least understand the fundamentals." Looking to Shinji, she shrugged, "The problem I have with that is I'm a little too close. I think of him as a…close friend, and that's a bad place to approach healing from."

"See?" Asuka gestured to Maya, "Just like I said, Shinji."

"R-right," he nodded. "Maya's here for the knives."

Asuka's smile widened as he recalled her words, "Exactly." Looking to Kodama and Nozomi, she spread her hands, "I'm not giving up. I will keep pushing where I can with the leadership, because I know you are both doing everything you can. Hikari says he moved into here a wreck, and I wouldn't describe him as a 'wreck' anymore. That's because of your family. So, hold the line and I'll try from my side." Looking back to Shinji, she gave him a friendly grin, "We'll find you someone that can tell you you're an idiot for going where they use knives, just like they told me."

Kodama asked, "Who's that?" Seeing an avenue into gaining information that had been denied her at work, she hoped that Maya wouldn't also block out the conversation.

"Frau Marlowe, a lady that I met a few years ago." Asuka tapped herself on the head, "She worked very hard to help me make sense of everything that was tangled up here. My mother, my 'father'," she made air quotes around the word, "everything. My sync rate jumped quickly after that. So much of what we do is all in our heads."

"Much of it is also physiological," Maya attempted to regain control over the conversation. "For example, Shinji's initial score was eighty-two point six. After everything with his accident, his score increased. We're still working on the why of that, but we think that there's a component we could be misunderstanding."

"That high?" Asuka blinked, taken aback, "Without training?"

"U-Unit-01 has always been finicky," Shinji attempted to demur with the same logic that Asuka had used the first time around to denigrate his performance as a fluke. "It was the last of the test models, not like your main production version. That's what I was told."

"Shinji," her gaze went flat, "you know good and well what my score is. Don't try and deflect praise just because you think someone else could do better. They're not you, you're you." Rolling her eyes, she looked to Kodama, "I swear, you tell him that he's the best at anything and he'd probably find a way to turn that into shame. Aboard the Fleet…."

Having successfully derailed Asuka into sharing a heavily-edited account with Kodama of what Shinji had managed, Maya relaxed. Each time the fiery pilot sang his praises, the beautiful German gestured to him as he looked down and away. Including Nozomi in the stories from time to time, she had a head full of steam and was moving well beyond the dangerous waters of her own past.

The problem, Maya felt, was that Shinji looked at her with eyes that indicated he knew she'd done something clandestine. He acted ashamed of his exploits, because to him they could have been performed better, but he would have questions for her later. And she really, really, didn't want to answer those.


	52. Chapter 52

+++++ 6th Angel + 5 : Friday (43)

Standing outside of the Horaki home, Shinji spoke alone with Asuka for the first time that evening as he saw her off, "Thank you for coming over tonight, Asuka." He had more questions now than he'd begun the night with, but hesitated to damage the work he'd accomplished over the course of the evening. "Maybe…maybe we can do this again sometime."

"If you're willing," Asuka grinned, "we can even try and go somewhere and enjoy an actual night out. Maybe try some karaoke, or catch a movie. Once Hikari's out of lock-up of course, we can make it a threesome then."

Shinji blushed at the obviously intentional tease, "Y-you might find a nice someone of your own. Then we can make it a double-date."

Her smile dimmed, "That's…not in the cards, Shinji." He could see her struggling against anger, her eyes sparkling like they tended to when she was about to explode. After a dangerous few seconds, she snorted and looked away, "I wasn't truthful with you on the ship…I'm not looking."

"O-oh," _Nice going, Idiot. Way to screw up the landing._ "Well, uhm…you'll always be welcome with me?" He tried to offer his hopeful smile, and when she turned to look at him he watched the anger flicker in her eyes and get crushed under the iron will of the warrior before him.

"Ich danke Ihnen lieber Herr," she gave him her own smile, filled with sorrow and pain. "I hope this is the first of many such evenings, _Paladin_." Stepping forward and embracing him, burying her face in his chest, she whispered, "I've needed someone to have my back when they pull out the knives. There are so few good and honest people, Shinji…."

The memory of a kiss washed over him, of the woman before him pinching his nose and running. Of how he'd begged the uncaring spirits around him for even the merest hint of friendship from the beautiful pilot. How he'd stood there unmoving, unflinching, staring like a deer trapped in the bright glow of an oncoming freight train. After a second's hesitation, he timidly placed his arms around her in return. _She's…she's not her. This isn't 'my' Asuka. This is…Asuka._ "I…I won't let them hurt you, Asuka. Wherever the knives come from…I'll be there at your back."

Her fingers gripped his shirt, and for a second he thought she was balling her fists in anger, when she laughed. A broken, brittle, sound, "You too, Shinji. You and me, we'll save _everyone_." Stepping back, she curled her hands over his wrists, holding them atop her shoulders, "Thank you."

'Weakness' and 'Asuka' didn't go together, and he couldn't keep his confusion from showing, "F-for what?"

"For not thinking of me like that, looking at me like that," she smiled fondly. "For being the first man I've ever met that refuses to sneak a peek down my shirt. For showing me what…. For being you, Shinji." Letting go of his elbows, she waved and backed away, "I'll stop in and make sure Hikari's ok before I go back to my dorm. Let her know that you're keeping the house standing." The Asuka he remembered, proud and strong, shone through her laugh, "See if I can't convince her to stop faking being sick for attention and go home."

Something inside of him he couldn't explain prompted him to look to the member of Section Two driving Asuka home, "Make sure she gets home safely, Agent." He was surprised at the tone he typically associated with Misato emanating from his throat, "I'd hate to have a nice evening ruined."

The woman snapped off a salute, "Will do, sir." Opening the door for Asuka, she gestured towards the seat and spoke a few words in low tones, nodding once before closing the door. Turning to check that her actions met with Shinji's approval, she waited for his nod and then climbed into the car to drive off.

The tinted windows blocked his view, but he still waved as the car drove away, to be safe. _Someone hurt her._ The thought burned in his mind, _Someone. HURT. Her._ Stepping inside, he tried to tamp down the anger at that thought. Had that happened the first time? Was Asuka abused just like him? _Was I so up my own ass that I didn't notice her pain was more than performative art?_ Striding past Maya, he hooked her arm and dragged her towards and into his bedroom.

Sliding the door shut, he flicked the light on and asked the only question that mattered, "Who hurt her?"

"Shinji," Maya cut off when he held up his hand.

His gaze was flat, "I'm going to find out, Maya. I don't care if I have to ask my father, I will have their name."

The door opening again showed Kodama, her eyebrow raised, "Team meeting?"

Maya looked past the nurse eager for a distraction, "Where's Nozomi-chan?"

"In the bath." Kodama looked to Shinji, "That's not 'hurt', that's 'angry'. What happened?"

"Someone hurt Asuka," he stated bluntly. "Before she came here. I want to know who."

"Why?" Kodama stepped into the room and closed the door.

Anticipating this resistance from the woman who'd defend him if he murdered puppies, he began his retort, "I know you think she-"

"Hold up, Baby," Kodama clapped her hands to cut him off. "I mean, what good would it do to have the person's name? Are you going to fly back to Germany and beat them up?" She looked to Maya, "I assume NERV's already shown the offending party or parties to a prison cell?"

"I'm not at liberty to speak on the matter," Maya replied in a dead monotone. Animating slightly, she looked to Shinji, "It is _very_ _much_ for everyone's protection."

"Kind of like you're 'not at liberty' to speak about issues regarding her mental health?" Moving to the man she sought after, Kodama put her arm around his waist and squeezed, "Which only an idiot would believe has nothing to do with why we can't put him in therapy."

Shinji's anger dropped to a scowl, "… _Have_ they been punished?"

"I would like to think they couldn't have been punished more, Shinji," Maya saw him grumble slightly and nodded in understanding. "As a leader, it's the worst possible thing to have to handle. One of the people you're responsible for is hurt, or killed, and all you can do is trust your supervision to do its job."

"That's not all I can do," he said, freeing himself from Kodama and taking his overshirt off. "I can support her, make sure she knows she's not alone, and when she's ready to share whatever happened, I can listen to her without making it personal." Folding his shirt precisely, he set it in the hamper, "Just like you did for me, Maya." Turning to face Kodama, he let his anger become known once more, "Whatever problems Asuka-san is facing, Kodama, they do not involve us. Stop trying to ferret them out, it is rude and beneath you. I wanted to see the guilty party punished, not find out what happened to her. That she hurts is enough for me to know, the why will come when she's ready."

Her gaze was incredulous, "I'm doing it to protect you. Shinji, she's a hair's breadth from straight up crazy! Did you not see it in her responses tonight? She's about as stable as liquid nitroglycerin."

He crossed his arms before him at his chest, his jaw clenched, "I lived with her, Kodama. I know exactly what she is, and the more I think back on what happened the more I begin to understand that she was, and is, just as screwed up as I am. She's not insane, she's just hurting. She's not evil, she's scared! She's been forced to deal with life alone, something I don't think I have to remind you I know all too well. Now, she has a chance at a life! You need to back off of this. I've asked you once already to talk to me before you act on things regarding me, and if you can't even do that…."

"What?" Stepping towards him, the eldest Horaki planted her hands on her hips, "What are you going to do, Shinji? Since we're threatening each other now, what are you going to do?"

His words came out choked, "If you can't do that, how can I trust you?" Forcing those words through his anxieties, his fears, and the physical barrier they created, hurt him in ways he could scarcely stand.

"You…you…." Quivering, Kodama screamed something unrecognizable before storming out of the room, flinging his door open and moving angrily upstairs.

"That…might have been a bit much," Maya ventured after a few seconds.

Shinji's hands clenched rhythmically, "I won't let her abuse Asuka, Maya." His head felt too tight, his neck too stiff.

"I wasn't talking about you," she sighed, closing the bedroom door. "Don't worry about it."

"Would…would you please go make sure Nozomi-chan gets to bed?" _I need to think. I need to breathe._

With one hand on the slide, Maya nodded, looking down as she heard her dismissal, "If that's what you want."

"She won't understand," his head vibrated with the need to destroy something. "Just…tell her I love her, ok? That Kodama and I are disagreeing over something, and we both need some time to calm down before either of us says anything else hurtful."

"I will." Opening the door, she paused at her name being called.

"Maya," _Don't throw everything away. She doesn't have the legal right, and you don't have the right to demand her to break her word for you._ "…When you're done making sure Nozomi-chan's ok…please, uhm…please…."

"My bag's by the sofa," she offered. "If it's still there when I come down, I love you and goodnight. If it's not," her smile was hopeful, "I'll know where to look for it." Stepping out into the house-proper, she slid the door quietly closed.

The sound of the latch setting into place allowed him to begin to shake violently, dropping to his knees and clutching at his head. _How much did I misunderstand? What happened? Everything? Nothing? Was she just as alone as me? Was she just as scared as I am?_ The feel of her arms around him, tongues of flame scalding his soul, brought a pained whimper to his lips, _Did I…did I do this all to myself?_

Memory after memory paced before him. A mane of fiery red hair, a slap for not looking away. Cooperating to defeat the Sixth, then dancing together for a week to destroy the Seventh. The flames burned hotter as he recalled diving into a volcano for her, then the sound of acid sizzling as she growled her defiance at the world. _She wasn't evil…she was just confusing. She wasn't trying to be mean, she was trying to connect…. She just didn't know how._

The thought of Asuka standing in Unit-02, facing the Fourteenth Angel alone, rolled through his mind. _Rei charged…then exploded. An N2 mine?_ He fought through the haze of memories, aching at the echo of Kaji's words. _Regret._ Rapid, shallow, breaths pumped through him, _I regret it all. Everything. I could have helped her, I could have helped them! The Angel broke into the GeoFront. That meant…that meant Asuka and Rei were…. Alone._

 _My bag's by the sofa_ , Maya's offer stroked his mind.

 _Alone. I left them alone. All of them._

+++++ 6th Angel + 6 : Saturday (44)

With Nozomi finally in bed and still, her crying done for the moment, Maya felt she could head downstairs to see how much damage had been done by Shinji finally putting his foot down. If he hadn't heard Kodama's nigh-incoherent swearing from her bedroom, she counted him as fortunate. Her intent had been to check on the woman first, understanding that she was simply trying to protect Shinji from someone that Maya herself knew all too well was walking a fine line between sanity and…the other option. _We need pilots. But why do we need pilots that are damaged to a point near to beyond hope?_

Checking the locks on the front door, a habit born of long years living in constant danger, she paused at the bottom step and sat down trying to sort through what her conscience was trying to impart. _I love him. There's no doubt in my mind. I may not be certain about Hikari, we haven't spent enough time together, but I don't doubt I'm attracted to her._ Looking up to the ceiling, she frowned, _Is it love, if you can't tell them everything?_ She began to count the secrets she had, _Rei, Asuka, Ritsuko, Second Impact, Misato…. I tell him any of those, and he may never forgive anyone._

Laying back on the stairs, she closed her eyes, _If I don't tell him…I'll probably never forgive myself._

Whether it was weakness or need that drove her to determine her fate, she decided she didn't really care. Either way, she wanted to know where she'd be sleeping tonight, and so she walked into the family room and saw that her bag was missing from where she'd left it. The amount of relief she felt at the missing bag was nearly shameful, _I'm acting like a teenager._ The thought of falling asleep alone rolled its eyes from the back of her mind. _I'm…maybe acting like someone in love._

Hoping that he was asleep, or at least not too hopped up on whatever pain he'd asked to be allowed to process alone, she opened the door to Shinji's room. The lights were off, as they were in the rest of the house, and with her eyes adjusted enough to see by the dim light of the LED display on his phone, she saw Shinji curled protectively around her bag still wearing most of his clothing. His eyes slowly shifted to her, pain and fear that seemed far too at home on his face flooding forth from the two-toned orbs. "Hey." Sliding the door shut behind her, she decided that he needed someone else to take charge again, just not too aggressively. "I'm a little sleepy…is there perhaps room for one more?"

He looked down to her bag, then back up to her, the obvious conflict stopping him from acting.

"Possibly…a trade?" Walking over to his desk, she worked out of her slacks, "I can see how important that is to you." With a warm smile, she turned to face him and lifted her blouse over her head, "Let's see…what do I have to offer." With her slacks in one hand and the blouse in the other, she looked between them, "No…I think I like these clothes. They fit nicely, and you wouldn't have a use for them." Carefully setting them down, she posed in an exaggerated thinking position, "What else do I have…hmmm…."

Shinji couldn't keep his eyes from her, and the way he'd relaxed just a hair urged her onwards.

"Maybe," reaching behind her back, she unclasped her bra and slid it off, "this?" Holding it out at arm's length, she pretended to consider it, "It's rather small, though. Doesn't hold a lot." She heard him speak too quietly to be heard, and lowered her arms to give him a questioning look, "Did you have an offer?"

He blushed, though his eyes remained on hers, "I…l-like…what it holds…."

"Oh?" Flicking her bra towards the desk, she settled her hands under her modest chest, "You don't think they're too small?"

Unable to vocalize again, he simply shook his head.

"So…if you like _these_ ," she perked up playfully, "maybe I could trade you…a Maya, for a bag?" Hopping over to the futon, she dove directly at him, placing her trust in his instincts and reaction time.

True to form, he tossed the bag away and caught her gently in his arms. Landing against him was softer than she feared, but still very rough against her body. The hold he had on her bag was quickly transferred to her, with him rolling to his side and curling protectively around her. Without a word, he simply encased her in his embrace, her chest to his, her legs between his, her head resting on his shoulder.

"I'm here, Shinji." Despite the positioning seeming to indicate that he was protecting and sheltering her, she knew that it was him who needed comfort from whatever storms he'd summoned. Lightly stroking his face, she kept her tone warm and welcoming, "You're not alone." He shivered at her words, _It's always something, isn't it?_ "Are you still really angry with Kodama?"

She felt, more than saw, his head bob and shake inconclusively.

"Yeah…that makes sense. She's trying to protect you, and you know that. But she's also threatening someone you feel responsible for, and that hurts." His body clenched slightly tighter, _I may not be able to give you counseling, but I can at least get your thoughts out into the open accurately._ "You know more about Asuka than she does, because her dreams aren't the whole of your experiences. They're just impressions and sensations."

He nodded. A jerky, unsteady, motion.

"Can I admit something?" Stroking his cheek, she decided to toss the dice and let them land where they would, "I'm here, mostly nude, laying with someone I never thought would ever want to hold me at all, let alone like this…but I can't enjoy it if I can't be honest with you."

The wind was nearly crushed from her as he clenched her tighter, his arms locking her against him.

"Ok, ok!" _Spirits he is stronger than I thought._ "I…I need to look at you, when I tell you. Can I," she wiggled as much as she could, "please?" Slackening his grip just enough that she could squirm back up to head level, she found herself staring into panicked eyes, _Brace yourself, Ibuki. If he rejects you, this is what you'll remember for the rest of your life._ _Maybe…._ Leaning forward, she kissed him gently.

It wasn't the kind of kiss that Hikari gave, the kind that surrendered everything of herself to him. Nor was it the kind Kodama gave, that demanded everything he had and offered more in reward. It was, instead, the kind of kiss that sought to meet him halfway. No demands, or offers, just a pleasant agreement that both sides had something to provide the other. When it broke, his quaking had calmed.

 _I have to do this._ Taking a breath, she exhaled the truth, "I haven't been completely forthcoming, Shinji. I…know things. Many things. Since taking over the Science Division, I've found out…truths. Answers to questions you have, answers to questions Misato has. But I can't share them. Because if I do, you'll act differently. Not towards me, but towards others. Then they'll know you know. And they'll question you."

Shinji frowned, his eyes searching for something on her face.

"If they ask you something, and you reveal your past…I don't know that the Commander could protect you. I…we, could lose you, Shinji. These things…they won't change your fight, and I can't connect them to your voices or your time travel. I'm trying, though. Please, believe me when I say that I'm not hiding the truth bec-"

His fingers slid to her lips, and he shook his head. Shifting her focus from his hand to his eyes, she saw that the recriminations she feared weren't present. Instead, there was trust. Faith. Winding his arm back around her, he pulled her close again. Not confining as it had been, but instead simply holding her close.

"I promise, Shinji," she nuzzled her face against his neck, "I'll tell you when I can. Everything…when I can."

+++++ 6th Angel + 6 : Saturday (44)

"That is quite worrying," Suzuka sat primly on Shinji's back as he performed unceasing push-ups while explaining the central conflicts from the previous night. The willowy swordswoman had agreed with Shinji's declaration that a person's private struggles were theirs to share, or not. She'd even admired that he'd sought safety with Maya, as it meant he was learning to reach out beyond himself. Her disagreement began and ended with his lack of a firmer hand with the eldest child of her long-dead friend.

"Whatever she's going through, I want to support her. I trust Asuka when she says she's not looking for anyone, that she isn't trying to hurt me, Suzuka-san. She's the kind of woman that makes up her mind and holds to her words no matter what." _Boy does she._ He chuckled, "I can also see that causing some problems in the future, but like you said I can't pick my allies."

"It is well that you listen to the wisdom of your elders," she patted his shoulder approvingly. "Men like you can create hundreds who follow to better places, all because you are not too proud to hear good advice when it's given to you." Replacing the cloth she used to polish her wooden instrument of destruction in her pocket, she sprang backwards from his back and landed lightly on her feet, "What do you intend to do this evening, when you see Kodama-chan again?"

Slowing to a halt, he laid down on his stomach and laced his fingers behind his head, his voice muffled by the well-trimmed grass, "I hadn't gone past 'Good evening, Kodama'."

Nudging him with her toes, she urged him to roll over onto his back and look at her, "Have you considered not saying anything at all? Silence is as effective a weapon as any words, when wielded appropriately."

Complying half-way, he turned onto his side and propped himself up on an elbow, "That's mean to do, isn't it?" He frowned, "Ignoring someone, anyone, isn't very polite."

"Feeding attention to a misbehaving child only compounds the error, Shinji-dono." Offering a hand, she helped him to his feet, "Kodama-chan is taking it upon herself to guide your feet, attempting to steer you where she wants you to be. None but you should have that honor, not even Hikari-chan." The look she gave him indicated that she knew all too well that he'd allow Hikari to order him around.

"She _did_ at least stay calm during dinner," Shinji defended his housemate. "I mean, it was only after I was angry over whatever happened to Asuka-san that Kodama-san became pushy about her past. Even I wanted to know part of it, doesn't that mean I wasn't setting a good example?"

"You wished for justice to be served in the defense of your ally," Suzuka chided him. "Kodama-chan is not seeking justice, she is seeking to remove the temptation of an attractive woman before she has a chance to work her way into your heart, or your bed."

 _That's…not entirely true,_ Shinji sighed. Not having told Suzuka of his experiences meant that her advice wasn't always as accurate as he'd like it to be. "Then why silence? What would the silent treatment get me other than her angry at me?"

"Other than stopping your infernal habit of apologizing from emboldening her?" Her eyebrow arched as she judged her comment scored a mark by his guilty face, "It would force her to lay out her strategy plainly. What that child desires is attention, as I said, and by withholding it you will be able to more accurately measure her determination. Is she simply acting out, and only seeks affection as a means to prevent loneliness? Is she truly in love, and willing to subordinate her own desires where appropriate for the man she professes that love for?"

Shinji, as was typical for him, tried to find a fault of his own, "Shouldn't I…shouldn't I subordinate my needs too?"

His friend laughed good-naturedly, "If you subordinate your needs further, Shinji-dono, they will disappear from the face of the planet entirely." Patting his cheek, she shook her head, "My advice is, as ever, only intended as that. You must deal with the repercussions, and it is only sensible that you then choose the actions which lead to them. I merely wish to see you happy, to see them grow as women, and hopefully in the end to know that my place in your lives is one you enjoy."

+++++ 6th Angel + 6 : Saturday (44)

His afternoon free of obligations after a productive day in class tending to his peers, Shinji hurried into NERV towards Hikari's hospital room. It had been too long, in his opinion, since he'd seen her and he intended to remedy that. Slowing down to speak with the pair of guards outside the door leading to his most valued treasure, he tried to keep his eagerness tempered, "Is she awake?"

"Just got done talking to her sis," the first guard said with a smile. "She's all alone."

The second teased gently, "Can't have that, can we?"

Smiling, he shook his head, "No. That would be an unforgivable abrogation of my responsibilities. I need to fix this, right away." The fond teasing had spread among those burdened with guarding him and the women he loved, and Shinji found he enjoyed the playfulness more and more as he grew comfortable with it.

"Just," the first guard hesitated, "a bit of warning. Miss Kodama walked in angry, and out near to crying. I wouldn't mention it, mate, but I don't want you blindsided."

His smile drooped, and Shinji nodded, "She and I had a disagreement last night. I'm sorry that your jobs will be more difficult, she doesn't cooperate with her guards on her good days, and this won't be one of the better ones."

"Not your worry, Paladin," the second waved dismissively. "We'll do our job, whether she likes it or not. You keep to your worries, leave ours to us." Pushing the door open, she smiled with a wink, "Now, go brighten her day."

Taking a deep breath, Shinji forced out a smile, "Right." Stepping into the room, he sought out the brightest point in his universe.

With her eyes closed, a look of frustrated meditation firmly in place, Hikari appeared to be having the kind of day he'd hoped to prevent. As the door shut quietly behind him, she lifted her hands towards him without opening her eyes, "I need a hug, Shinji. Please."

The space between him and the bed disappeared, another gentle bear hug enfolding the woman he'd depopulate nations for, "I'm sorry, Hikari."

She snorted, her grip far firmer than it had been days ago, "Because my sister is a busybody that goes too far?" Slipping one hand up to his face, she pushed him back so they could see each other, "I'll always love her, Shinji, but this is a character flaw. Sometimes the right answer is to do nothing. It wasn't in your case, of course, Kodama did the right thing by pushing for you to be removed from Misato's apartment."

He tried out his new skill at teasing, "You're just saying that because I moved in with you."

The twinkle in her eyes was all the reward he'd ever need, "Maybe. I do like having a good cook at my beck and call."

The thrill of victory filled his heart, "Anything you want, Hikari. Any time of day or night."

"Spirits I've missed being with you," she nudged him towards sitting on her bedside, and once he was settled she continued. "From what Maya described, and what Kodama said, I really think that she needs to back off some." Stroking his hand, she smiled, "I also think you did the right thing, putting your foot down. Asuka-san…hasn't had a good life. Whatever her problems are, we need to help her. That might mean we're taking a risk, but you aren't the same scared, nervous, young man that came to us a month and a half ago. She isn't going to be living with you. Things are different, and they will be forever."

"I…can handle a little risk," he nodded. They were playing a dangerous game, speaking around the truth they both knew, but it was necessary for him. Hikari's advice, unlike Suzuka's, was given with all of the information available. That meant he could completely rely on her, and he trusted her more than himself. "She's not the kind of woman…I thought she might be. I might have even misread a number of things, created my own problems."

"We'll see," Hikari nodded, understanding his meaning. "I'm not willing to forget, just yet. Forgiveness isn't necessary, as you know. That's something I think Kodama's struggling with understanding, and as much as I hated having to take her to task…."

"You shouldn't push yourself," he fretted. "You're still recovering, and it's not good for your health to stress yourself."

"I'm better, Shinji," the fond smile returned. "I'm not all the way there, but I hurt a lot less." Massaging her scalp, she grinned, "I haven't had a headache in the past two days! Not from the pressure, or from the surgery. Vivienne-san says I should be on track to go home tomorrow." When the look of joy reached his eyes, she relaxed. It hadn't been her intent to spend their time together worrying over the bad, as she terribly missed bringing him happiness. "Though, she says I'll need a lot of help doing things for a while."

"Whatever I need to do," Shinji declared firmly. "No matter what, I'll do it."

"Well…." Deciding to go back to the game of teasing, she looked away in pretend embarrassment, "I'll need someone to push my wheelchair."

"I can do that," he nodded eagerly. "I'll be there with you as much as possible."

"I will need to be carried up to the classroom, too."

"Of course," his mind plotted out the easiest routes.

"She said that bathing by myself would be dangerous…."

"I…uhm," he blushed, looking down to where she held his hands, "if you want…I could help."

"And that staying on the first floor would be safest," she grinned as she snuck in the final bit.

"I-I could, uhm, I could let you use my room instead?"

"Why Shinji," she feigned shock, "are you asking me to move into your room with you?"

"I…No! I mean, y-yes? I-" He paused, closing his eyes and breathing out a sigh, "Well played." Laughing at how easily he'd been maneuvered into admitting his own desires, he shook his head ruefully.

"I thought so myself," she met his eyes opening with a victorious grin. "Your futon is big enough for us both…Maya too." Her eyes flicked back and forth between his as she tried to judge the situation by reading the rapid emotional shifts across his face, and she ultimately came to the same conclusion the Major had, "You don't know how you feel about her, yet."

"I belong to you," he answered evasively.

"You belong to _you_ ," she retorted firmly. "You give yourself to me freely, Shinji Ikari, or not at all."

Wincing at the heated glare he was the recipient of, he looked away, "I…I'm not the best person to take care of me."

"That is different," she softened her tone. "But you do not belong to anyone but yourself. No matter what has been said in the past, you have to own yourself Shinji. Anything else isn't love, it's just…slavery." Stroking his hand until he looked back to her, she smiled fondly, "I have no more claim to you than anyone else, my love. I can only offer my heart, and hope you are willing to give your own in return. That's the mistake I've been making this entire time, and it was only by spending a few days away from you that I realized how I was setting us up for failure by not fully committing to your personal autonomy."

"But…what if I _want_ you to take care of me?" He frowned, trying to make sense of the concept she was expressing, "What if I'm ok with letting you set our pace, our direction?"

"That's not love, Shinji," she shrugged, "it's servitude. We have to be partners, equals. Some days I'll need you to take the lead, other days you'll need me to take the lead. But if I'm always the one in charge…I'm going to burn out. If you're always the one in charge, you're going to…lose track of time."

The missing evening suddenly loomed large behind him, "Maya…told you."

"Out of concern, Shinji. She wants me to help her get you to stop bottling everything up, and I think the best way to do that is to stop expecting you to act like a servant." She tapped his hand, "You need to be free to feel what you feel, good and bad. Yes, everything is crazy. No, you'll never be 'normal', whatever that means. But at the end of the day, you're still human, and expecting you to not be angry, or scared, or sad…that's idiocy. So, I'll be strong for you when you need me to, but I need you to find your own two feet so that when I'm ready to slap Kodama's head all the way to Kyoto, you can stand between the two of us."

"I…uhm, I don't know," he tried to joke, "I've seen the kind of pain you can inflict, watching you beat up Toji-san. I'm strong…but even I can't take that kind of hurt."

Laughing, she slapped at his wrist, "I meant talk me down, silly." Squeezing his hand tight, she moved to a different topic, not wanting to belabor the point, "So…I want details. How is the class doing without me there?"

+++++ 6th Angel + 6 : Saturday (44)

It was close to dinnertime before Hikari faded, and it was with the exact opposite of eagerness that he left her room. _She might not want to direct me, but she does a good job of tasking me with things._ Moving through the halls, his guards attentive to his destination and speed, he reached the last known location of the elusive Misato Katsuragi. _Hikari said she wanted to see me. She said Misato seemed nervous._

"If you wouldn't mind waiting out here?" He looked to the two agents, "I doubt I'm in much danger, around her at least."

"Let me check the room first, Tesoro," the lead agent made a begging motion. "We trust, but we verify." Looking at the young woman that served as Misato's new aide de camp, she gestured towards Misato's office, "You need to announce us, or can I just knock?"

The assistant was far too officious, her tone conveying the kind of contempt for interruptions that seemed contrary to her pleasant face, "Is the Colonel expecting you? You _do_ have an appointment, yes?"

The agent's expression hardened, "Right, knocking it is."

"Cagna," her partner muttered just loud enough for Shinji to overhear, moving to block the secretary from preventing the inevitable.

A firm knock received a muffled reply, and the lead agent opened the door, "Hey, your figlio is here to visit."

Moving to where he could see Misato over the woman's shoulder, Shinji waved with a weak smile, "I hope I'm not interrupting?"

"Shinji!" Misato's face brightened considerably, "Thank you, Agent. I've been trying to find time with him all day, where's Doi-san?"

"Receiving an education in irritating una vera signora Italiana," the agent grinned coldly. "We'll watch the door, you two catch up." Waving Shinji in, she patted the small of his back as he passed, "No worries, Tesoro. We won't hurt her." The last word accompanied the door closing, "Much."

Looking at the door for a few seconds, Shinji turned to Misato and saw her considering him, "I think your version of Lieutenant Chambers is about to file a complaint about my guards."

Blinking, Misato worked her mouth a few times before laughing, "Shinji, did you just make a _joke_?"

"I…uhm," he shrugged, "I'm trying to tease more. It seems like that's how people around here make friends, and I don't want to be known as the guy that doesn't have a sense of humor."

"Well keep it up, because that was funny." Hurrying around her desk, she wrapped him in a hug, "Your little lady is going home tomorrow! I'm so happy, Shinji!" Squeezing him tight, her strength on display, Shinji was once more reminded that he was a far cry from the little boy that had been buried under an avalanche in her embrace. "Oh, I'm so, so glad that you demanded she be seen. I don't want to imagine us losing her."

Patting his guardian on the back, Shinji smiled in agreement, "I don't want to imagine losing any of you, Misato-san. Each of you is precious to me, and…I still mean what I said on the ' _Rainbow_." When she looked up at him, pain hidden poorly behind her steely gaze, he reminded her, "I'll kill a hundred for each one of my people they take. …It'll hurt to do, but I will not let them take anyone else without a fight."

Smiling with a slight air of flirtatiousness, she tapped his chest, "Careful, you start talking like that to a lady and she'll expect dinner."

Shinji read the music behind her words easily, the nervous energy she carried projecting it loud and clear. "When Hikari's out of the hospital and well enough, how about you, Rei, and the two of us have a nice 'family' dinner?" He smirked, "We can even help clean your place, and feed Pen-Pen something that isn't instant."

"I like the sound of that," she agreed, stepping back and gesturing to her sofa. Sitting on the edge of her large oaken desk, she crossed one leg over the other at the knee, "The reason I asked Hikari to send you my way…kind of has to do with the concept of 'family'." He sensed her hesitation increasing, as she bounced her foot. Waiting for him to sit down, she chewed on her words as she worked them out, "I've…noticed a few things. Things that, mind, don't make me angry. In fact, I think they're wonderful. But, I wanted to clear the air. Get your side of things, as it were."

He frowned, folding his hands in his lap, "Ok…did I do something wrong?" _Nothing in the song seems to be negative. She's just…anxious. She's really not mad._

"No," Misato stated emphatically. "I read the report on your dinner with Asuka, Maya gave me a general idea of how you managed to win her over. It really seems like she's reaching out to you, Shinji. I like that. I want you to keep pushing to build a rapport with your Pilots, because that will pay dividends in the Evas. Your plan, making her dinner, and your execution were both solidly done."

He nodded, "Ok. I…well, I really am just trying to be friends with her. This isn't…I don't have an ulterior motive."

"I know you don't," she smiled. "The closest you'd ever come to Guile is the arcades."

"I…what?" The reference flew directly over his head.

"Don't worry," she sighed. "Old person joke."

He became more confused, "But…you're not old?"

Misato held up her hand, "Thank you. However, we're moving away from my point." Sitting up taller, she seemed to gird herself, "I am not good at this, Shinji. I can direct combat operations naked, I can stand on a battlefield and lead my people to victory…but I can't…do interpersonal conflict with someone I like. So please, when I mess this up don't automatically assume the worst. Let me explain, if you don't understand."

Hearing his own flaw paraded before him by her as a weakness in herself, Shinji let his confusion show, "I…yes. I don't understand, but I know what you mean. I just had a fight with Kodama-san about something similar, and…I won't judge you because you have a hard time saying what you think."

"Thank you." She gave him that million-megawatt smile she had, "It's nice to know that you trust me enough to share your problems. It's also really nice to know that you don't judge me for my failings." Her foot stopped bouncing, and she uncrossed her legs and leaned forward, "I…was wrong." Reading his confusion, she was increasingly grateful that he wasn't someone to talk constantly like she was, "That night you and I sat at the table, and I told you about 'polyamory'? I was pushing my failures into your life. The things I'd done, things I wasn't proud of, I was using my experiences to try and guide me in helping you. I…shouldn't have."

Shinji waited a few seconds, and sensed he should say something, "I don't blame you, Misato-san. You…you were just trying to protect me. Sometimes, to protect someone you have to rely on what you know. I can't blame you for wanting my life to not hurt, that'd be silly."

Ever blunt, she drove directly into her argument, "Even if my statement has caused you to avoid a young woman who'd love to join you in a relationship?"

Shinji blushed, looking down, "K-Kodama-san…. It's really Hikari's idea, a-and I…I care for her, but I don't know if it's love."

 _Kodama?_ Misato frowned, "Shinji, I was talking about Maya." _I thought those were just rumors. She's a ball of love and energy, it'd be easy to mistake caring for flirting. I know_ that _all too damn well._

His blush deepened, his hands freezing in place, "O-oh." Not quite ready to admit that he had stronger feelings for Maya than Kodama, despite his feelings for Hikari still dwarfing either, he squirmed as he tried to find the words he'd need.

The unfortunate Katsuragi tendency to tease the crippled prey reared its ugly head, "So…you like her, do you?"

"M-M-Maya," familiar with the hunting technique of the wild Misato, Shinji realized he was in deep grass and being stalked, "is…uhm, is very…special. I don't know if…uhm, if she…and Hikari…I wouldn't want to risk…."

Slinking off her desk, she crept closer, "What if Hikari _did_ though?"

"I-I…." Reacting faster than Misato could act, he grabbed her lunging attempt at tickling and rotated her arms behind her back, setting her down in his lap, "Please don't. I'm not ticklish, and I get the feeling you are." Holding both of her arms in one great paw, he worked the spot he'd accidentally discovered during one of the many massages she'd insisted he give her in the time before.

A great howl of laughter and a squirming colonel was his reward. "Ok! OK!" Struggling away from his fingers, she kicked her feet out in an effort to escape, "You baited me into a trap!"

Gently releasing her, he smiled and shrugged, "You taught me how." The nervous energy in the room increased, Misato realizing that the 'prey' was still present, but wasn't as hapless as she'd thought. Shinji, on the other hand, was just pleased that he'd defused the situation without having to pretend to be ticklish. "If Maya and Hikari are interested in each other…I'd step aside."

Her shoulders slumped as she sat on the coffee table before him, "What if they're also interested in you? Shinji, I…." Leaning forward, she gripped his hands and held his eyes on her, "I made a mistake. Ok? You've done a fantastic job steering away from all sorts of terrible traps. Not just from me trying to tickle you, but from all of the girls in your school, the women on base, everywhere you go you've got ladies flirting with you. You could be surrounding yourself with partners, but you're staying true to the woman you love. But I think, and I'm being honest here, you need more than just Hikari."

His anxiety dimmed as his anger rose, he would not tolerate diminishing Hikari's place in his life, "There is no 'just' Hikari, Misato. She is the reason I'm sitting here, and not running for the hills. She calmed me down when I was about to give up on all of this. She is everything to me, Misato. _Everything_."

 _Fuck._ Realizing the damage she'd inadvertently done to her argument, she tried to pull back and regroup, "You're right, and that was poorly phrased. See? I'm not good at this." Laughing awkwardly, she tried to exude the lack of confidence she was feeling in that moment, "As much as Hikari has done for you, and it thrills me to my core to know what she's done, I think there is more still that you need, Shinji."

"Why?" He reduced his scowl, _I told her I'd let her explain. Just like Kodama apologizing to Nozomi, I have to trust that she has her reasons._

"Because you, and again this is just what I've seen, you need people there for you." Stroking his hand, she smiled appealingly, "You're strong, you're capable…hell, you've faced more combat in a month and a half than anyone your age should have to! But…Shinji, I've seen your records. I know your past."

He felt his scowl droop to a frown, _Not all of it, Misato._

"I wouldn't have you near an Eva, if I had any other options." Holding up her hand when his eyes narrowed, she begged for patience, "Because I don't want to destroy you, Shinji. I don't want to take away the kind-hearted, generous, man that does his best for everyone he can, friend or foe." Wrapping her hands around his thumbs, she hit him with the same hopeful smile he favored, "I'd bring you back to my apartment, I'd have you make me fabulous meals, massage away my worries…help me by holding me as I cried my damn eyes out. But never let you fight."

Cursing his inability to slouch, Shinji let his shoulders sag as much as they could, "I…I think I understand." _Take the risk._ "In another world…maybe we could have been closer, Misato. We could have talked about our day every night, we could have apologized when we fought, we could have helped each other become better people while trying to improve ourselves for each other."

"If I could travel to that dimension, I'd take you and Hikari and we'd go live with them." Making a silly face, she tried to lighten the mood back up, "I don't think it's bad to say that I'd marry myself. I'm a rather nice catch, if I do say so myself."

"I…I don't know that I could go. I'd abandon everyone here, if I did. Who'd fight the Angels?" Looking to the woman he admired for an answer he himself lacked, he let his fears flow outward, "How could I ever look at myself in the mirror if I sought out my own happiness at the cost of billions of lives, Misato?"

Misato let her head droop forward, her hair fanning before her face and obscuring her eyes, "I'd kill half of them, Shinji, for another man like you." Her laugh was tortured, "Seventeen years old, and you have the work ethic of the best of my former unit. I can't let you burn out." Slipping off the table, she sat in his lap and hugged him close, "Love isn't finite, Shinji. Not from people like you. If you love Maya too, then love Maya too. If Hikari tells you she's ok with it, she's ok with it. Trust her, not me, not anyone else. Just…if Hikari and Maya ask you, don't look to me for your answer. Look to you. If you want Maya in your life, say the word. I'll move her into your house in a heartbeat."

The memory of the even-tempered woman lying in his arms all night showed well enough on his face that he knew Misato would pick up on his internal struggle, "She's…nice."

"How nice?" Trying not to push too hard, she still dug for answers, "Are we talking 'This is pleasant' nice? Or 'I wouldn't mind having children with her' nice? Are we closer to one or the other?"

He hesitated to admit anything, fearing that it would make it true, "I…."

"My lips are sealed," Misato sat back with her hand held up in an oath. "Not one word to anyone, except maybe Maya and Hikari if they ask."

"I…uhm, if I wasn't with Hikari, I would…I would date her," Shinji murmured. "She's nice…she doesn't push, or take…. She just…is? When…when…." Looking up to her, he worked his jaw some, "If I say anything…and you get her in trouble…."

"Shinji," Misato's eyes were glowing with the kind of honesty he'd come to understand from her. When she was like this, the punishment he'd experience for failure would have hurt, "I do not care if she spent all night draining you of liquids. If you _wanted_ it, and you _accepted_ it, you are over the age of consent. I'm your guardian, not your judge. She's my friend, and I have already said that I approve of you two trying each other out, if that will give you more support."

Shinji attempted to derail the thread of the conversation, "I…uhm, I thought Ritsuko was your friend too?"

"A friend you didn't want to sleep with," Misato answered with brutal honesty. "So, completely different. If, in some other world, you _wanted_ to have sex with her I'd have been a little 'icked'-out by it, but…it's not my body." Poking the tip of his nose with her forefinger, she raised one eyebrow, "Now. We're not talking about the mad scientist in the basement, we're talking about the mad scientist that's spent the past several nights in your house. Whatever you say, so long as no laws were broken, is secret."

He locked eyes with her, "D-do you swear?"

"On what's left of my soul, Shinji." Reaching up and stroking his face, she smiled, "You've fought for me, you've saved my life, and you've shown me that I need to get that life in order. I meant what I said in the shower on the ' _Rainbow_ , I am on your side."

A small smile shone through the paranoia, "So long as no laws were broken?"

She laughed, glad that he was still trying, "I'm not letting anyone hurt you, Shinji. Even Maya…even me."

"She and I…s-slept…in the same bed," he admitted slowly. "I-I…I've taken a bath with her, a couple of showers…sh-she's…she's very pretty. She doesn't…uhm…she doesn't…."

"It's ok," Misato tried to encourage him, "take your time."

"She doesn't _push_ ," he spat the words out in a rush. "Sh-she takes what I give, and doesn't ask for more. Wh-when she kisses me, it's like she wants me to meet her halfway…. She…uhm, she's…nice."

"That cheeky little chipmunk," Misato giggled. "I thought I was making a generous offer to her, and here she is already working both you and Hikari." Pleased that her plan was looking that much closer to reality, she shared more details, "She's been spending parts of her workday in with Hikari. Since she doesn't have to physically be around the samples, she can direct the tests anywhere there's a MAGI terminal or wireless access."

"She…didn't tell me that," Shinji frowned.

"Uh huh, 'Hey, Shinji. I'm glad you're back from school. I've been sitting with your girlfriend all day while you were stuck in class'." Raising her eyebrow, she let her point sink in.

His mouth curled sideways, "O-oh…yeah…there is that." _It feels nice to just talk to her._ He considered the brilliant violet-haired warrior on his lap, _I miss this._ "So, uhm, why do you think I should d-date her? Why not just…be friends?"

"Because…." Taking a deep breath, she let it out explosively, "Because if Hikari dies, you need someone there to stop you from falling completely apart." She felt him stiffen and set her hands to his chest to soothe him, "Shinji, she is your reason for fighting. She is your everything, and I have been tearing my hair out trying to figure out how to get you back in Unit-01 if this had been terminal. I am, without qualification, elated that she isn't dying. But…I can't trust that Rei and Asuka can pull this off without you. You've faced four Angels _alone_ , and I can barely get Rei to activate Unit-00 from time to time. Asuka's…troubled, and may be good in a simulator, but I don't know how she'll handle live fire."

The truth of the situation slapped him harder than Suzuka had. _If she died…is Misato right? Would I just give up?_

"Shinji, you've lost so much," she pressed on. "You already have problems with sinking into fugue states, with what I can only assume is PTSD-related flashbacks shutting you down. You've fought through abuse, attempts on your life, the loss of Toshiro-san, and I watch you getting closer and closer to shutting down forever." Shaking her head, she spread her hands, "If I thought it would help…I'd promise you my bed. I'd take you home and do everything you asked me to. I just…I need you to fight, Shinji. I can't win this war without you."

Frowning, he thought about him and his former housemate…and dismissed it, "No." He smiled, letting the pain of truth shine through, "I wouldn't let you cheapen yourself like that, Misato. But…you're right." _I need someone. Anyone. I can't be alone anymore._ "I'm terrified of being alone."

"Cheapen myself?" She scoffed, "With NERV's most eligible bachelor?" Putting her fists on her hips, she let her head dance as she talked in all-out teasing mode, "I will have you know, sir, that I have personally squelched at least six message boards dedicated to posting photos of you. No less than twelve requests to have you detailed to various sections for 'hands-on training' have come through from department heads that have since had visits from me personally to remind them that this is not a dating service. If I have to hear Hyuga-kun whine one more time about all of the women sighing when you pass, I'm going to put him on the sewage maintenance team for a month." Faux-frowning at him, she clicked her tongue, "Cheapen myself indeed."

He contemplated the kind of attention he'd apparently been ignorant of, "That's…kind of creepy."

Misato nodded, "So when I see you growing closer to a Hikari Horaki, or a Maya Ibuki…I kind of want to attach a big rubber band to you and them so you can't get away." Her face once more becoming serious, she lay down against his chest, "You're far too good a man for me to risk in combat, but you're the best person for the job. I have to balance operational necessities against letting you have something resembling a youth. …I have to…no, I _get_ to place billions of lives in the hands of someone who has fought nearly to death for them." She took his arms and wrapped them around her and leaned into his chest, "Find love where you can get it, Shinji. If it all goes to hell, at least go out knowing that you loved them while you could."

Author's Notes:

Starfire99:

RE: 'knives'.

+++++ 5th Angel + 9 : Sunday (38), Chapter 41.

RE: Clandestine.

ADJECTIVE

1\. kept secret or done secretively, especially because illicit.

Martial Arts Master: Hikari is going to be returning soon, but the distance was necessary for the character to gain perspective. Also so that Shinji could ask himself difficult questions, and others could realize how precariously everything is balanced.

PrometheusDark: Shinji not feeling alone would have changed so much in Canon. It's a major milestone for him, here.

JaceSterne: It is not Manga-Asuka. The quotation marks were meant to imply that she hates her father, and doesn't feel that he lived up to the appellation.


	53. Chapter 53

+++++ 6th Angel + 6: Saturday (44)

Shinji rode in the backseat of 'his' car, the same black sedan that was always ready no matter where he was. Up front, Akane was driving slower than she otherwise would, at his request. Next to her, Mikoto was keeping in constant contact with the other cars, engaging in various exercises and actions to practice movements with the other drivers. Next to him, Maya was working on her laptop, still untangling the Akagi women, Ritsuko and Naoko, from the MAGI network.

 _What do I want?_ The same question had haunted him since leaving Misato's office. _Love. Everyone brings it back to that same thing. But how do I know that what I'm feeling is love?_

Gentle's whisper caressed his neck, _Would you like me to make it easier on you?_

 _You know,_ he growled, _I would be more willing to listen to you two if you wouldn't just randomly pop in and/or disappear._

 _Oh, I'm sorry,_ Dark snapped. _Would you prefer a titanic fanfare from invisible trumpets? We can make things a lot more uncomfortable for you if that'd help you adjust to us._

 _Or,_ he glared in the direction of Dark's voice, which happened to be directly outside of his window, _I could instead just ignore you until you actually answer some of_ my _questions._

 _Which questions, Shinji?_ Gentle seemed to shoulder Dark away, _You know that there are some we simply cannot answer. It is not that we do not wish to, but the answer itself simply wouldn't make sense to you. It would be like singing to someone without ears, an exercise in pointlessness._

 _What do you want?!_ He clenched his hands, _That's something that has to have an answer I can understand._

 _These 'Angels' as you call them,_ Dark sighed. _We'd like them all dead._

He frowned, _But why?_

 _That wouldn't make sense to you,_ Gentle caressed his cheek. _The closest you could come to the knowledge is that it is necessary for other events to occur. Without their deaths, life will unfold differently._

Shinji tilted his head, _If I don't, I'll die. There won't_ be _life._

 _Of course there will, you idiot._ Dark groaned, _Do you honestly believe that this pathetic speck infested with carbon-based things is the only place in the entire universe that harbors life?_

 _From his perspective, life will cease,_ Gentle admonished her counterpart. _Which only explains his motivation, not ours. Trust me, Shinji, when I say that both of our goals are compatible. You wish to provide protection to the beings that live on this world, and we do not desire to see that species end. Your assistance will not be to your detriment._

Shinji realized that their admission was more than he'd been given by NERV the first time around. _That's…fair. I'd like to know more about who's in my head, but at least I can accept that we're not enemies._

Dark snorted angrily, _If you want to know more, stop blocking us out._

 _I'm…not?_ Shinji blinked, _I don't even know how we're talking! How could I possibly know how to stop you from talking to me?_

 _A topic for another time,_ Gentle rubbed his chest. _For now, you have yet to answer_ my _question: would you like me to make this easier on you?_

He sighed, _Make what easier?_

 _You question your own emotions, how you feel, how you would know what it is you feel. What you are suffering is existential, and not as complex as you are making it on yourself. So, I'm offering to simplify things._ Gentle pressed against his body, _It won't hurt._

 _All right, you, he can't see what you're doing._ Dark's voice pulled Gentle's away, _I may be angry with him, but I don't hate him. Make your offer from over here._

 _Wh-what were you doing?_ Shinji blushed, realizing how often he felt them pressing against him, suddenly imagining any number of rather…intimate scenarios.

 _Unimportant,_ Dark flicked his ear. _Now, do you want our help so you can focus on your fight instead of your own damn navel?_

Looking down to his knees, he frowned, _Fine._

 _Look to your left._ His head turned at a touch, Dark's voice growing soft. _Who's there?_

Suddenly, it was daytime. Gone was Maya, the agents, the world around him. Shinji was riding in an open-air, roofless, carriage along a forest road, a cool breeze winding its way along the damp earthen path. Seated to his side…was someone he didn't recognize, looking out to the trees along the side of the path and the river beyond. _I…don't know?_

The person beside him was _very_ feminine, without question. A white cotton sundress cut in a modest style hinting at the curves within without flaunting her figure. Her hair, down to her waist and sun-dappled with the shadows of the swaying branches above, seemed to shift hues as they rode along. Looking forward, he noticed that nothing propelled the odd carriage, it simply moved along the path at a leisurely pace of its own volition.

 _Focus, idiot._ Dark pushed his head back towards his companion, _Focus on her. Who is she?_

Blinking, trying to clear away the odd haze that hung to the woman beside him, he tilted his head to try and catch her face. _I…I don't know. I don't know her._

His motion drew the attention of his seatmate, who turned to look at him with a simple, pure, smile, "Yes, my love? Did you need something?" Her features, the set of her eyes, everything screamed at him that he knew this person. Like her hair, her eye color shifted subtly with the light, taunting him with recognition that just wouldn't fully arrive.

Opening his mouth to speak, he found himself unable to vocalize. Confusion dominated his face, and he tried again only to suffer the same fate.

"No, no, my heart," the woman reached over, lightly pressing his jaw shut. "You're having another of your episodes. It's ok, we're here." With his lips together again, she stroked his cheek, "You're no longer there, no longer fighting. We're going to visit the new hospital to show our support for the town, remember?" Scooting closer on the bench seat, she worked her way under his shoulder, sheltering in the crook of his arm, "I do so wish we could rid you of these terrible memories. It hurts me to watch you struggle against the past."

His free hand moved of its own volition, forming a set of signals with fluid ease.

"There we go," she giggled. "I have to admit, it's kind of satisfying to know that holding you is a way to ground you again. It does a wife's heart and soul good to know that I have such power over my husband." She nodded, "But yes, you are right. The memories were what brought us together, and if you hadn't been there, we would never have met."

Another series of words, a language he didn't know yet spoke with simple gestures confounding him further.

"Truly? What an odd memory. We haven't spoken with them since the victory back on Earth," she tilted her head in thought, idly rubbing her hand along his thigh. "Though, I suppose, they likely wanted nothing to do with…me. I'm sorry," she sighed, "I know you hate it when I blame anyone but those you think deserve it, but they couldn't help what happened. You don't choose your emotions, your emotions choose."

Only hearing half of the conversation increased his frustration, but his body refused to transfer his thoughts beyond basic actions. Setting his hand down, he tried to think of a way around the limitations.

"You know," a vaguely naughty tone entered her voice, "we're all alone on this road. Nobody takes this path, not with the Chosen protecting it." Her fingers danced closer to between his legs, "We could…occupy our time."

His hand was more stilted in its motions, but still communicated thoughts opaque to his own mind.

"Well, of course," she tittered. "We might be a little late, but would that be truly so terrible?" Looking up at him, she let her love for him fill her gaze, "I swear, Shinji, there are times that I think you take your title far too seriously. However, since we're speaking of the past…a Paladin should hold his Light close, should he not?"

With an agility beyond that of a normal human, she sprang astride his lap, and Shinji finally saw it. Beneath the oddly sun-bleached hair, her eyes a brighter hazel than he was used to seeing…was Hikari. She had aged, her face refining its beauty, her body filling out with the promises of youth paid in spades. If he had found her compelling before, he was smitten beyond all hope with the woman before him.

"I pity the women that are plagued with doubts about their spouse's feelings," she whispered, tracing her fingers across his collarbone. "If my faith in your love for me ever wavers, all I need to do is look at the world you've created for us. The beauty we lucky few will forever know is all the proof I'll ever need."

As her lips met his, the world dissolved once more into the dark of the car's interior. The droning hum of the engine, the clacking of Maya's fingers dancing along the keys, it was as if no time at all had passed without as he had experienced the odd visions within.

 _So,_ Gentle asked breathily, _do you love her?_

 _There's more there,_ Dark mused. _That is not the only possibility before you. Though it is the brightest point on the road you're walking._

Shinji smiled at the memory. Despite the confusion over her identity, the undercurrent of attraction went beyond the physical lusts he'd been feeling. It wasn't just infatuation, or duty, or any of the other myriad things he feared that he'd been confusing it with. He loved that woman, loved her with an intensity that threatened to unman him. Which meant….

 _What do I do about Maya? Or Kodama?_ He looked to the place he felt the voices rested, _I don't know for sure what I feel about them, if it's love, if it can become love…. If I love Hikari…no,_ because _I love Hikari that much, I have to tell her. Tell them._

 _Idiot,_ Dark sighed. _They know exactly how you feel about Hikari. It's all over your face every time you even think about her._

 _We could always show you the likeliest possible future, should you choose to include them in your life as more than friends,_ Gentle offered. _If you want, we could show you each woman in your life, in such a manner._

 _We could, but we won't,_ Dark shut the idea down hard. _We are not pushing him towards any particular future, period._ We _are not_ her _, and he will have to use the knowledge we've given him tonight to make the best of his own decisions. I accepted this was necessary to get him out of this static rut he'd dug. Any more, he earns himself._

Shinji nodded, _That…makes sense. If I'm going to trust you, I can't be given any doubt that you're possibly trying to control me by dangling a carrot out in front of my nose. It seemed very peaceful wherever I went…and I want that kind of peace very badly._

There was a measure of pride in Dark's voice, _Now, remember that you make your own choices, Shinji. Your guardian has the right idea, listen to your heart and everyone else can go hang. If you love everyone in the world, you love everyone in the world. If you love only Hikari Horaki, you love only Hikari Horaki. Nobody owns you, except you._

 _You should know, the other voice is trying to ask me to do something._ He was offering trust for the trust he'd been shown, _She didn't get to say what, but she talked to me while I was in Unit-01. You said you can't talk to me when she's around, and so I don't know if you knew that._

 _Don't. Trust. Her._ Dark jabbed the back of his neck with her finger. _She's a manipulative, lying, deceitful bitch that will abuse your goodwill for her own ends, Shinji. I don't care if she offers you the world on a platter, there'll be poison barbs under every step you take._

"Oh, yay!" Maya's cry of victory turned his attention from the two voices to her little celebratory dance, "I found it, Shinji! I have the argument she used to disguise the recursive call that…I'm getting too technical," she blushed. "Just trust me when I say that I found something extremely helpful that Akagi-san's mother put in place. There's still a lot of work to do, but finding this gives me better direction."

 _I feel…warm. Happy. Is this love too?_ "I'm glad, Maya," reaching over, he gripped her shoulder. "I'm proud of you. You're putting a lot of work into this, and if anyone could figure this out, it's you." _I'll be cautious around the other voice, Dark._ As soon as he sent the thought out, he knew that he'd receive no reply, the two presences gone from his side for the moment.

Slapping her laptop shut, Maya dived across the bench seat and wrapped her arms around his neck, "Thank you, Shinji." Hugging him close, she bounced with excitement, "Tomorrow, Hikari gets out of the hospital, you don't have class, I found the end of the string I've been tearing my hair out over…." Looking up to the two agents, both wearing smirks according to the rearview mirror, she blushed brightly and went to move away.

Quickly slipping his arm around her shoulders, Shinji pulled her close, "It's a good day, Maya. We don't have enough of those, and I'll take any reason we can get to be happier." Fixing his eyes on Akane, he tested out his recently discovered command voice, "Why don't we go ahead and hurry home? I think I'm ready to deal with everything, now."

"On your orders, sir," Akane grinned. "Mikoto-chan?"

Her partner nodded, touching her throat microphone, "All points, this is Actual, time for a new drill. I want to get him home five minutes ago. You know your jobs, get it done. Out."

+++++ 6th Angel + 6: Saturday (44)

As soon as he entered the house, Shinji could feel the weight of Kodama's displeasure permeating the place he called 'home'. Nozomi sat at the table, quietly keeping her head down and her nose in her homework. Holding the door for Maya, he stopped her as she walked past with a finger atop her shoulder, "See to Nozomi-chan. I'll handle Kodama." _I'm sorry, Suzuka-san, I can't give her the cold shoulder. That's not me,_ "It's better she and I have this out now, with Hikari coming home tomorrow. If she can't be civil, then I'd rather be yelled at now than when I'm worried about everything else we'll have to adapt to."

"I'll work on homework and dinner," Maya nodded, accepting that Shinji knew himself and his limits best. Stepping towards the table with her laptop held behind her back, she swayed happily towards the little lady of the house, "Hey Nozomi-chan! I need some help with dinner, and you need help with homework. Let's go to the kitchen while your nii-san checks on Kodama-san."

Nozomi finally looked up, cautiously, and leaned slightly to look past Maya at Shinji. Once he gave her a comforting nod, flicking his head towards the kitchen, she began to gather up her books and writing implements, "Ok, Maya-nee-san. Thank you for offering to help me, I'm having some trouble with the grammar lessons today."

"What is it you always say?" Maya set her laptop down on the table, making it clear that all of her attention would be reserved for the youngest Horaki, "Family helps family?" Picking up a few odds and ends, she crouched down next to Nozomi and smiled back to Shinji, "Since I'm your nee-san now, and I think I might like your nii-san, I might just qualify as a member of your family after all."

Shinji took a deep breath, then started up the stairs. _Family. There's so many types of love, I know this. I love Nozomi. I love Nozomi deeply, but it's 'family' love. Like Misato, or…maybe even Asuka. Do I love Maya like Hikari? Is it in between?_ He caught sight of the light coming from under Kodama's door, _And then there's this. I…don't feel like that about family. She can crook her finger and I'm a gibbering idiot, but is it just physical? Could that honestly be love? …Or is it just me being weak._

Knocking gently on her door, he called, "Kodama-san, it's me. Do you have a moment?" _You can't help your emotions…even in the future I haven't reached, Hikari's still giving me the clues I need to succeed. Kodama's angry, she's scared, and it pisses me off that she won't back down…but isn't that what's best about her?_

The woman that pulled her door open hit him with a look that spoke of plenty emotions, but love couldn't be counted among them at the moment, "What do you want, Shinji?"

 _Does she need time to cool down? Would that just be me avoiding this? Why does this have to be so damn complicated?!_ "I want to talk to someone I care about," he offered with his hands spread out peacefully. "If now isn't the best time, I can come back later. Dinner will be ready in a bit, if you haven't eaten, and I can come get you…or ask Nozomi-chan, or Maya if you'd prefer."

"So I get the '-san' again, but she doesn't?" She crossed her arms under her ample assets, "Just spit it out, Shinji- _san_ , I don't have all night."

 _Breathe. Don't let her bait you into yelling._ "May I come in?" He gestured into her room, "I'd rather not scare Nozomi-chan with her hearing two people she loves arguing."

"Whatever," turning around, she crossed to the desk she'd once used exclusively for studying. Sitting down in her chair, she crossed her legs at the knee and began to bounce her foot in a clear display of irritation. When Shinji hesitated to enter, trying to control his responses, she snapped, "In or out, Shinji- _san_ , choose one."

Another breath, and he stepped into her domain and slid the door shut, "Thank you, Kodama. I appreciate that you're very busy." Carefully leaving the measure of respect he wished everyone would just let him afford them off her name, he lightly clasped his hands before his pelvis. "I said, last night, that I needed you to let go of Asuka's past. That the woman here in this world is not the woman from my world. I wanted to explain that, in addition, I may simply have been misinterpreting everything she did. What I saw as…hatred, may simply have been fear. Her actions could very well have been intended to provoke me into acknowledging her existence. There is so much we don't know-"

"And there is so much _you_ don't know," Kodama snapped. "You didn't see my memories, either, Shinji. You didn't see her abusing Hikari, or Nozomi. Or getting into unending fights with me. You are absolutely right, you're only able to see things from your point of view. I don't _get_ that benefit."

 _Fair point…could she not just talk to me?_ He felt his anger rising, the tone she used seemingly custom-made to make him lose his cool. "Then, talk to me about it, ok?" _Offer a compromise, show good faith._ He frowned, _Maya's bleeding over. I can feel her influence, because I know I'm not that good at this._ "We talked about this in the furo, Kodama. I need her," he extended his hand, "I need you. We don't have to make this difficult, not until something outside of the house forces us to."

Glaring at him, she curled inward, "And when she hurts you? When you choose her over me? When I get left behind because I refuse to let you be abused? Then what? I get to be alone forever because I was right. Wonderful."

"I have told you," his anger pushed upwards, forcing his words through a clenched jaw. Hearing his worst fears thrown in his face, as if he wasn't keenly aware of how that felt, hurt, "I will not abandon you three." His voice raised its volume a few notches, "If I have to keep her away from here, I will. If I have to ask that she has no contact with you, I will."

Pushing out of her chair, she met his anger with more anger, "And when she hurts Nozomi? Hikari? Then what, Shinji? You have to work with her, you said it yourself!" Standing right before him, she jabbed him with her finger with each point made, "You just choose work, to save everyone's life, our feelings be damned! You leave us behind, make a happy little house with someone else! Let her walk all over you, and maybe, just maybe, you can jerk it yourself while you wish she'd look at you like we did."

His tolerances exceeded, Shinji roared his frustrations back into her face, "What do you want from me, Kodama?! I am giving the three of you everything I have! I am trying to balance eight million different competing interests and priorities and always, _always_ , placing all of you at the top of the heap. What more could you possibly want from me?"

"Your fucking love, you myopic, soft-hearted…goody-goody!" Her attempt at shoving him backwards was mostly unsuccessful, as Shinji held his ground to avoid breaking anything with an uncontrolled fall while giving enough that she wouldn't rebound off and hurt herself. "I want to know that no matter what, I will have my part of you!" She shoved him again, "I want to know that you'll hold me when I'm dying!" And again, "I want to know that the _fucking_ spirits aren't tormenting me for wishing that my _fucking_ mother would just die so that I didn't have to watch her suffer any longer!" With her final shove, her arms gave way and she collapsed against him, sobbing, "I want to know that you aren't going to end up like Daddy…."

Like a stopper had been pulled from the tub, his anger drained completely away. _She's…Asuka. She's so much like Asuka that she hates what she sees in herself as she argues against Asuka's presence. I_ really am _an idiot. How did I not see this?_ Cradling her, he scooped her up from the ground and carried her to her bed. Sitting down on the Western-style piece of furniture, he laid her in his lap and began to softly stroke her hair, "I'm sorry, Kodama. I shouldn't have yelled…you're scared, you're angry…and you're just trying to find your way through it like I am." _Apologize, just like I saw her do to Nozomi. It's what I wanted, after all._ "I…I don't know why, but you just have a way of winding me up. It's my fault, I'm not saying it's your fault, I have to control myself."

Her tears choked anything she might have added, and as he rocked slowly she seemed to release more and more of her sorrows.

 _How long have you been building this up?_ He sighed internally, _I'm one to talk._ He knew that dinner might be nearing completion any moment, but he put his faith in Maya to work around what he was doing. "We'll figure this all out, Kodama. We can do it, as a family. I know I have challenges, and you have challenges, but no matter what we have each other! I…I don't know if I love you, not like you want me to, but I know I _do_ love you. I wasn't lying, or making fun, I need you in my life. I need my brilliant, beautiful, protector to fight for me when I can't fight for myself. I need to know that when I get into Unit-01, that you'll be there to take care of Hikari and Nozomi-chan. You've got my back, I know this in my heart."

Balling her hand into a fist, she clubbed it against his chest in a strike that Nozomi could have doubled the force of without effort, "I l-love you, you stupid, stupid man…." Gripping his shirt, she tried to pull herself in tighter against him, "Why can't you just let me love you?"

 _Because you don't deserve to live a lie._ The answer settled in his gut like a stone. _If I don't love you in return, I'll be doing nothing but lying to your face every day_. "I don't choose how you feel, Kodama," he echoed the future Hikari's sentiment. "I don't even choose how _I_ feel. If I could just tell myself that I loved you, so that you didn't have to wonder, I would. But…it took me a while to figure it out for Hikari. You need to give me some time. I know you want to push, and…and…."

Coughing out a sob, she sniffled, "And what?"

"…And as ashamed of myself as I am to admit it," he set his jaw, "if you push much harder, we're going to end up risking a pregnancy." _Tell her the truth, let her understand how conflicted you are._ "You…you are so compelling, Kodama. But lust isn't love, even I know that. R-right now," _spit it out_ , "if…if I didn't love Hikari like I do, I'd…uhm…I'd disappoint you. Really, really disappoint you. Enthusiastically disappoint you."

Another set of sniffles was followed by a bark of laughter, "Not anywhere near as much as I'd disappoint you, Shinji." Lifting herself up, she toppled him backwards. Laying halfway atop him, she nuzzled her face into the space between his neck and shoulder as his arms encircled her, "I told you, you're the first man to ever receive affection from me. I don't have any better idea what I'm doing, and chances are very, very good that I'll mess up our first time with the same enthusiasm I do everything else."

"You don't mess everything up," Shinji chided gently. "You just…you do what you think to be right. I admire that, Kodama. I admire that a lot."

"I love you, Shinji." She kissed the small of his neck, "And…I wish I could promise you more than my best effort. But I hate her. I hate her so much…and I know she's going to hurt you."

"Then she hurts me," he sighed. "She won't be the first, or the last. She won't even be the best at it. Kodama, you can't keep me away from pain. I can't even keep myself away from situations that lead to pain, how can you hope to stop people from hurting me?" Reaching up, he lightly ran his fingers through her hair, "Let's…stop. Ok? We're just winding each other up in anger because we want what's best for each other."

"…If you '-san' me again, I'm going to strip naked and show you how much I love you." She snorted, "We're closer than that, Shinji. Don't…don't push me to arm's distance."

Taking a cue from Misato, he tried teasing again, "So…what you're saying is all I have to do to see you in all your grandeur is call you 'Kodama-san'?"

Shoving herself upright, her hands on his chest, she set herself astride his hips and glared playfully down at him with tear-soaked eyes, "I will pound your hips through this mattress, Baby. Do not push me."

+++++ 6th Angel + 7: Sunday (45)

While everyone else slept, Shinji worked through the house with an eye towards someone in a wheelchair. Each pace someone would normally take was measured for width, the step up into the house proper the first of many tasks to fall. "You see the problem?" He gestured to the stair, showing Jake his concern. "I have to make it so that her chair can come in and out, in the event of an Angel attack."

"We _would_ carry her, sir," Jake looked askance at the pilot. "Evacuating her is part of the priority chain."

"And if you were also engaged in a firefight?" Shinji began to run through horrible scenarios, "If the only people functional enough to move her had to use the chair because they couldn't carry her properly? She isn't as light as Nozomi-chan, Jake."

"Ok," the agent nodded, accepting the argument as valid enough. "If we're going to take this seriously, let's take it seriously." Tapping his throat-mic, he called back to his handler for the evening, "Cherry, this is Copper-Two, principle is concerned about the egress into his house. I need an engineering crew out here to design and implement a ramp for Light. She's coming home in a wheelchair later today, and all we have are stairs. Over."

Shinji looked along the walkway, frowning as he considered the cracks that had developed over the long years the cement had been present. "I really should put some more work into the house before we sell it."

"Cherry, I don't think you understand. I don't care if it's two in the morning, principle says that he wants a ramp. And if I have to send Nicolette back to base to find the grease monkeys herself, I'm going to involve several people in the conversation that you don't want to have to answer to. So you have your options, engineering crew, or most of the command staff climbing up your ass to find out what was more important than calling the night-shift supervisor to see if he has a person or two to spare for the Lead Pilot. Over."

 _It's just a ramp,_ Shinji sighed. "What's wrong?"

"Someone thinks they're important," Jake snorted. "We couldn't bring everyone from our team with us, and Colonel Katsuragi's still working on evicting all of the assholes." Holding up a finger he tapped his throat-mic again, "Thank you. I look forward to them arriving soon. Out." He smirked at Shinji, "She says twenty minutes. I give them thirty before I'm calling Idunn and letting her work off some frustration."

"She'll be sleeping in my room," Shinji thought aloud. "Everything she'd need is in reach, but I'm going to need to move the couch and table some. A wheelchair," he gestured at the width he was familiar with, "can't fit through there without scraping. I don't want her to feel crowded."

The agent gave him a sly look, "In your room, eh?"

The impulse to act embarrassed was triggered, but he was quick to squelch it. _I won't belittle what I feel, not anymore_. "The futon is big enough, and it's on the floor so she won't have to struggle in or out of bed." He looked to Jake, "Besides, the doctor told us specifically that we should wait at least a week before trying anything."

The big man's smile broadened, "All right, my friend." Patting Shinji's back, "Congratulations on realizing it."

A strange sense of pride grew in his chest as he realized that he'd been firm, but his statement had only prompted collegial praise from the man beside him. "It took me far too long, Jake-san. Far, far too long."

Far faster than the twenty minutes promised, a heavy van rolled to a stop and quietly disgorged three jumpsuit-wearing technicians. The foreman Shinji recognized from the team assigned to Unit-01, and the two ladies with him from his platform trips up to the behemoth. Quietly walking towards them, the big man kept his voice low, "What are we looking at, Paladin?"

"The step, Matsuda-san," Shinji gestured to the step into the house, "and then the mud-step. I have to be able to close the door, but I also have to get a wheelchair into and out of the house. If everything goes wrong, and Hikari has to leave on her own, I don't want her trapped here while I go and fight. I don't want to have to delay because I couldn't get her out in time. It's just not acceptable as it is."

One of the ladies pulled out a tape measure and began taking down numbers, the other snapped a few pictures of the area and sent a text back to some colleagues. The foreman nodded, "I see, I see. Not acceptable at all." Rubbing his chin with a couple of fingers, he approached the sudden project with an experienced eye, "We'll make it work, sir. Give us a few moments to discuss."

Stepping away to allow the trio room to work, Shinji gestured along the path to Jake, "This is ok, I never really thought about it until just now, though. I'm going to have to put a lot of work into the home to sell it, and all of the things we've done to this house, I have to do to the new one."

"Not alone, sir," Jake punched his shoulder gently. "Don't lose sight of the people around you. You're developing into a good leader, but you can't let yourself think of just what _you_ can do. You've got thousands that'd step up if you directed them to. You've got approval from your own leaders to exercise that authority responsibly. Look at the end goal, then ask for the right people to make it happen. Don't tell them _how_ , tell them _what_. Works better that way."

+++++ 6th Angel + 7: Sunday (45)

Arriving at six o'clock in the morning, with Maya in tow, Shinji walked into Hikari's room with her breakfast tray. The agent that had watched the preparation of the meal was more than happy to let Shinji serve his girlfriend, smiling broadly when he asked politely if it was okay for him to perform the task she'd been given. "Room service," he called with a grin as the door finished opening.

"I don't remember ordering a handsome stranger," Hikari giggled. "I was told that they were out of stock."

"We special ordered one," Maya joined in on the fun. "Unfortunately, they broke the mold when they made him."

"Lucky me," adjusting the back of her bed so that she was seated upright, she smoothed out her blanket. "I'm surprised they don't have you both testing today. Asuka-san said she was going to be at it all day."

"She wants to get up to speed," Maya pushed the tray table into place. "She's taking her duty seriously, and I've set her up with Shigeru-kun. I wanted to be here, and Shinji _had_ to be here."

"Kodama is at home helping the engineers," Shinji added quickly, wanting to prevent any ill-feelings. "Her and Nozomi are helping them get everything in place for your chair." Setting her breakfast down, he uncovered it with a flourish, "Your tasteless slop, madame."

"Oh, hush," the Class Rep tittered. "It's not that bad, and I'm sure the cooks do the best they can with what they have."

"It's terrible," he smiled to Maya. "This is further proof she's a better person than I am."

"I'm going to throw my peach at you," Hikari threatened jokingly. "Then I'll make you go get me a new one."

"Truly, a terrifying presence to behold," Maya giggled. Looking back to Hikari, she let her humor fade to a fond grin, "Misato told him about you and I spending time together."

"Our secret club! No!" Hikari sighed, sagging, "I was so happy to finally be a part of a super-secret club, and now it's ruined."

"I'm just glad you weren't alone," Shinji 'broke character'. "It's been a small taste of what you must have felt each time I was in here, Hikari. I don't know how you made it." Sitting on the foot of her bed, he worked open the small carton of apple juice, "You're stronger than I am, and I'm lucky to have your love."

"I doubt that se-" The sound of Shinji's and Maya's phones ringing filled the room with a sudden dread.

"No." Shinji looked at his phone for a heartbeat before pulling it to his ear, "Misato-san…."

He heard the mixture of duty and regret in his guardian's voice, "Hurry, Shinji. I know you're on base, but we need to get out ahead of this. It's approaching the shore rapidly, moving north from the Kii Peninsula."

"On my way," standing, he hung up his phone and gave the love of his life the fiercest kiss he felt comfortable with. Standing away, he let his heart show in his eyes, "I love you, Hikari Horaki. With all of my heart. The Agents will see you to safety." Standing tall, he turned to Maya, "Give her a kiss goodbye, and let's go. We have a battle to win." Turning away so he wouldn't delay them further, he had the door open as Maya gave a quick kiss and pep talk to the bedridden woman, "Agent, you know your duty. Nothing touches her."

"Too right, mate." The brassy belle grinned, "You take your Italians and leave the real work to us, yeah?"

Looking to the pair of agents that had cycled onto his protective detail for the times Mikoto and Akane were off duty, he nodded, "Once I'm on the gantries, you two are on Maya and Misato. Same orders, nothing touches them."

"Only until you come home, Tesoro," the first agreed with a condition. "You are ever our priority."

"Let's go, Shinji," Maya pushed on him gently. "The Angel isn't waiting for us."

+++++ 7th Angel + 0: Sunday (45)

Dashing out onto the gantries, Shinji nodded to those that paused to salute as he walked past. Keeping his microphone open, he spoke at a rapid clip, "I'm here. Asuka's aboard Unit-02, where's Rei?"

"She's being brought in, Paladin," Shigeru's response was professionally formal. "Section Two is fighting against the flood of people caused by the evacuation orders, but they'll be here in fifteen."

 _That's another ten minutes to change and get in Unit-00._ Shinji's mind was absorbing Misato's thoughts as the woman directed the countermeasures designed to draw the Angel away from any densely occupied areas. "Roger. Mother, what's our plan? A half an hour may as well be three years." Hopping up onto his lift, he grabbed the railing as it raced up to his plug.

"Sending you out to take point, Unit-02 is holding position on the Angel's projected path. The two of you will have to tag-team this one, Paladin. If the fight goes long, I'll send out Unit-00 as reinforcement." Misato's voice didn't dim despite her clearly speaking away from her microphone, "Tell the Air Group to stop getting cute! We just need them to harass it, not attempt to merge with it."

 _Irritating it is all they can manage,_ Shinji grimaced as he climbed aboard his chariot. _At least now I understand why they're doing it. Luring the Angel towards them and away from the population centers…I need to do more to thank them._ Sitting down, he felt the plug insert into Unit-01, "Science, let's hurry this up. Two is out there all alone."

Asuka's voice came through the microphone, "I'm fine, Shinji. This doesn't look like a terribly threatening beast. Kind of like the first one you fought, just without all of the spiky ostentatiousness."

"Please, just hold off on attacking until I'm out there to support." _How do I tell her not to use her glaive? Does she have it?_ He was hip-deep in LCL, "What's your loadout?"

"I'm trying out the new sonic glaive," she reported happily. "It's a rather elegant weapon, I look forward to seeing what this monster looks like when it's laying in two pieces."

"Right attitude, Asuka," Misato approved. "Once Paladin is up there to provide covering fire, we'll advance. Until then, keep an eye on its trajectory and shift your cover as necessary."

 _Crap._ Shinji felt the LCL begin to pressurize, _Anything I say is going to sound like I want the glory. If I tell her not to use the only weapon she has, I'm going to provoke her. She may be nicer than the other Asuka, but she's still got that damnable pride._

"Go for A-ten," Maya announced.

As Shinji filled Unit-01, he felt the presence of the odd voice lay against his human form. _There's an Angel out there_ , he stated tersely _. I'm sorry, I won't be able to talk and fight._

 _Oh, I know, Lover._ The feminine presence caressed his chin, _I am simply here to observe an artist at work. There will be time enough for us to speak after Israfel is no more._

"It has a name," Shinji mused aloud.

Misato was quick to take note of his abstracted thought, "Something wrong, Paladin?"

Cursing himself a fool for still having difficulties with maintaining an interior dialogue, he shook his head to clear his mind out, "Nothing, Mother. Just thinking out loud, let's get me up there."

"He's steady at two six two, Misato," Maya reported with a grim tone, her song's affection filling him and binding him. "He's not climbing, but we need to be cautious."

"The Angel's not waiting for us," Colonel Katsuragi knew her duty and unknowingly quoted Maya as she made her orders known. "Evangelion Unit-01, launch."

Shinji braced himself, ready for the pressure of multiple gravities forcing the odd duality to feel competing sensations. His body sat clenched for several seconds, waiting. As the third second passed, he frowned, "Mother?"

Shigeru's voice called out from his position, "Negative for launch, ma'am. The rail sled isn't responding!"

"What?" Shinji could see Misato turn to address the chief of engineering, "Report."

The big man was scrolling through a series of displays on his station's screen, "System is showing…nothing, no errors. The MAGI are reporting the sled has launched, Colonel. Software glitch?" He began to type out new commands as he waited for further orders.

Triaging her needs, she set aside finding out 'why' for later, "Can we launch manually? The mechanical failsafe in case of total power loss?"

"Already have my teams working on it, Colonel. But that's another ten minutes." He turned and scrubbed his hand through his hair, "They aren't designed for rapid action, and we don't leave them primed because it increases wear on the entire system and could induce an accidental launch."

"Bringing Asuka's back down," Maya offered. "We can beat the manual deployment time by four minutes if we reuse it for launching Unit-01."

"We need to do something," Shinji growled. "My wingman is out there alone and I'm sitting here on my hands!"

"Visual contact," Asuka reported, her song now staticky and conflicted as he heard it with unified ears. "Long-range cameras show it approaching from the south-southeast."

"Damn it all," Misato snapped. "Ok, Asuka, I want you to approach with caution. It's going to reach you before Shinji reaches the surface. Feints and evasive maneuvers only. We don't want to give this bastard a fair fight."

While Misato continued to give direction to Asuka, Maya switched her channel to Shinji exclusively, "Ok, I've disabled the magnetic locks on your sled. I don't know if they've _actually_ disabled though. If you have to, just rip free of them and get ready to move. The engineers are all moving clear, so you're free to act."

Shinji felt the clamps release him, and he began to gently slide himself towards Unit-02's pen to avoid causing more damage than absolutely necessary. The humans were gone, but that didn't give him free reign to re-enact one of Misato's old Toho movies where a man in a rubber suit destroyed a mock-up of Old Tokyo. He was only halfway off, however, when the sled launched of its own volition.

The violent action upwards sent him twisting into the gantries, smashing his back against the underside of the bridge and rocking everyone present viciously. "Gah!" Bracing himself as best he could to avoid causing further damage, he called out his concern, "Is everyone ok? Anybody hurt?"

"Enemy approaching rapidly," Asuka reported with a heavy dose of eager anticipation. "Preparing to engage."

Misato snapped, angered by the further disruption to orderly operations, "What the hell happened, Engineering?"

Straightening himself, Shinji turned to face the bridge and glare at his guardian, "Focus, Mother. Asuka's engaging the enemy, she needs guidance from you!" Looking around for the best path to Unit-02's bullpen, he tried to see with his mind what his human form would be seeing through the viewscreens, "Be careful, Asuka. These bastards have too many surprises. Don't just take the first attack it gives you, it'll be a trap."

Makoto Hyuga muttered loud enough for Maya to hear, which meant Shinji heard through her, "There is something distinctly terrifying about being glowered at by a machine that big, that close. It's even worse with the discordance coming from the man controlling it probably being the nicest guy I've ever met." He shook himself, "Sled's arrived, Paladin. Climb on board, we'll get you up top."

Maya simply smiled softly, "He's not angry, he's worried. I don't feel fear with him involved, Shigeru-kun. I feel hope." Looking over to her new sub-commander, she let her smile dim, "Unit-01 is mounting the sled now, Misato. He'll be up top in another sixty seconds."

"He's not biting on any of my feints, Misato," Asuka's frustration was clear to everyone. "This Arschloch just keeps letting me nip at it."

Settling Unit-01 into place, Shinji saw the feed from Unit-02 in the depths of his mind. The oddly-shaped bipedal Angel was indeed just moving slowly towards its destination, ignoring most of what Asuka attempted. It made no attempts to attack, no real hostile movements whatsoever. Just as it had the first time, it almost seemed to beg for Asuka to cleave it in half. _Please don't._ "Aim for the core, Asuka! The red orb is the key!"

"Launching," Maya announced.

As Shinji climbed, the rails adjusting to his destination, he saw the fire-maned warrior slowly lose her composure. Her attacks changed from slices and jabs to broad cuts and slashes. _Come on, Asuka. Stab it in the core! Why aren't you stabbing the damn thing?_

Finally, tired of being ignored, she screamed out her wrath, "Spott mich, _du Ficker_!" With her music momentarily unified, the static gone and replaced with a torrential undercurrent of raging madness, she jumped directly into the Angel's path. Spinning her glaive to gain more angular momentum before slashing downwards and cleaving her foe in twain, she appeared victorious.

Choking back his anguish, Shinji saw that her attack once again had missed the orb by a matter of centimeters. _Go faster. GO FASTER!_ He tried to will the sled to hurry upwards, _I have to stop her from-_

Slamming the butt-end of her spear into the ground, Asuka smiled confidently with her song once again overcome with static, "And there we go. I guess this one was just too stupid to actually dodge." Stretching in her seat, she took her hands off the control yoke, "Not much of a first engagement, but I'll take the 'W'. Could have been…worse…."

Misato cried out for Asuka to take evasive action as the Seventh Angel pulled out the trick it had been born to use. Where there had once been a single, vaguely starfish-shaped creature, there were now two near-identical twins. One an orangish gold, the second a dull silver. Flowing like liquid metal, the pair flanked the flat-footed pilot of Unit-02, preparing to repeat history.

Shinji burst from the ground, too far away to intercede, but close enough to watch the brutal beatdown of his compatriot. Tearing free from the magnetic restraints, he dashed towards the scene just as Israfel Beta slashed a feint at the face of its tormentor.

Unlike the Angel, Asuka's natural reaction was to bite on the seemingly poorly aimed attack. As she slapped it away and went to raise her spear to thrust at the Angel, Israfel Alpha transformed a limb into a sharpened blade and cut her lifeline from her back. Her attempt to roll away from that assault gave Israfel Beta a clean shot at her head, which it gladly used to stomp the four-eyed helm face-first into the dirt. Rapid, coordinated, blows rained down on the crimson giant, battering the pilot in her plug and quickly knocking her unconscious from repeated trauma.

"Shinji, get her out of there! You two need to fall back and buy time for Unit-00 to deploy," Misato's tune carried its roaring bonfire, the anger and contempt she held for the aliens infecting her song.

As Shinji arrived on the scene, Alpha picked Unit-02 up and threw it unceremoniously out of the way of the forthcoming fight. Beta spun through a whirling attack, both 'arms' slashing twice against the horizontal plane counter to Shinji's approach. Shinji, unlike his fallen comrade, was not unprepared for this event.

 _The first time, I hadn't trained. The first time, I hadn't committed myself to winning._ Ducking under the attack and smashing his fist into the now-armored core of Beta, he added the entirety of his momentum to the blow. _This time, I'm not going to be stupid._ Scooping up the sonic glaive from the ground, he blocked an overhead slash from Alpha with the haft. _I need to get Asuka clear. Evade, wait for Rei. She'll coordinate with me._

Leaning away, he allowed Beta's thrust to pass harmlessly by before letting go of his spear, grabbing the Angel's limb, and throwing it over his shoulder away from the engagement. Carrying through the motion, he ducked and lashed out with Unit-01's foot, hooking and taking out Alpha's legs. Taking advantage of their confusion, he sprinted over and picked up Unit-02, "I'm going to position her on the lift, Mother! ETA on Zero?"

"She's working around to the other side of the facility, the gantries are out now and she'll have to climb across the wall. We're looking at another four minutes at least, Paladin." There was no frustration in her voice, no pity. He could feel her trust in him, and he used it to drive him onwards.

 _Roll forwards!_ The enigmatic voice's warning cry sparked an immediate response, and he sent Unit-01 diving into a tight ball. It meant losing his grip on Unit-02, though it stopped him from being impaled on the very weapon that had created the current mess. Alpha had recovered, sending the spear lancing through the air he had recently vacated and imbedding it in the hillside several kilometers away. _You need to use your senses, Lover. I don't want to have to spend another trillion years trying to create the perfect Shinji Ikari._

"Good instincts, Paladin," Misato praised him. "Leave her there and head to Lima Three Six Five, you need to get an umbilical in and rearm. She's far enough away that she's safe, you need to buy some more time for Unit-00 to get on the board."

He sensed Maya's confusion before the woman spoke, "His batteries aren't draining." Her statement was too soft for anyone but him to hear, her voice pitched to not draw attention to the oddity. "Is this more software glitches?"

Shifting his course to the destination Misato had given him, Shinji forced himself to focus, _Thanks for the head's up. I don't know what 'senses' you're talking about, though. All I know is that I'm…Unit-01. Just as it's me. If you have advice, we'll talk later about it._ He reached the station ten seconds before Beta, giving himself enough time to slide in the umbilical and tear the door of the armory off.

Swinging the building-sized hunk of metal like a paddle, Shinji slapped Beta across the midsection. Letting go and setting his trailing foot, he kicked door and Angel away. Alpha leapt over its twin's tumbling form, slashing down at Unit-01 and driving Shinji further away from his armaments.

The Angel's voice, its Tenor conveying a sense of loathsome determination, echoed in his soul. _You are not the Father. He would not torment us so. Whatever you are, Mockery of Adam, we will end you this day!_

The accompanying Bass came from Beta, recovering its footing and moving to assist his brother, _We are not weak, like our brothers. You will not find us easy prey, Mockery of Adam._

 _Mockery?_ The feminine presence within him became indignant, _Mockery?!_

 _Don't let them flank me._ Shinji tuned out the distractions, instead drawing on the voices of the trio of warriors that had been teaching him how to fight in just such a circumstance. _Stay in motion. Stasis is asking for a knife in the gut. Line them up, force them to get in each other's way._ Each lesson recalled propelled him to an action, a flowing set of movements that had been drilled into him again and again. New ideas, new concepts, his connection to the people watching him struggle fed him ever more useful data to integrate with his training. He danced to a song that none but he could hear, gaining no ground but losing none himself.

"Thirty seconds, Paladin," Misato advised him, her voice calm and steady. She wanted to let him know that he wasn't alone, but didn't want to distract what she knew to be a daunting task. A master of self-defense would be hard-pressed against two adversaries if they were well coordinated and equally capable. That her ward, the young man she had begun to think of as her own, was still upright and fighting with everything he had amazed her. She switched her channel, though Shinji still heard, "Rei, when you get up there, I want you to lay down suppressive fire on the silver one. I don't need it to be effective, just distracting."

Rei's voice, the only presence around him that was free of music, replied simply, "Understood."

Shinji could feel the impact of his enemies' blows; cuts and scrapes, dents and rending strikes, each digging a new wound in his human body as the sympathetic connection mimicked the Eva's damage. He knew he had no choice but to fight with his bare arms, they wouldn't give him the distance he'd need to pull out his knife and they had maneuvered him away from the weapons cache. Every ounce of his concentration was required to avoid being gutted like a fattened calf, and so he trusted his plugsuit to hold his skin together long enough to finish the fight. _Rei's coming. I'm not alone. This will not end like the last time._

As Unit-00 erupted from the ground behind the twin Angels, Shinji moved to support the orders his wingman had been given. Lunging towards the silvery Beta, he allowed it to think he was intending to attack it. When it stood taller, offering a very tempting target for Unit-01 to strike so that the golden Alpha could have an unopposed chance, Shinji instead shifted his momentum to drive his shoulder into Alpha's gut.

Pumping his knees and staying under its center of gravity, he drove his foe away from its partner so that Rei had an unobstructed field of fire. True to form, the bluenette read his actions before he made them and used her opportunity well to rapidly empty three magazines from her pallet rifle into Beta's back as she approached. Shinji's A.T. Field had degraded the twins' enough that the attack was effective in staggering her target in addition to providing the distraction Misato had ordered. Before she could rack the first round from her fourth magazine, however, the Angel moved to assault Unit-01's unprotected spine in a desperate move to recover its own offensive.

That was the move the Third Child had hoped it would make, and so Shinji borrowed a move from the wrestling shows that Nozomi so dearly enjoyed to push the battle towards its end. Wrapping his arms around Alpha's waist, he lifted it free from the earth beneath its feet and suplexed it into Beta. The titanic collision set the twins towards fusing into a unified being once again but left Shinji on his back, tangled in his umbilical, and needing to regain his base.

Understanding her partner's movements, Rei tossed aside her rifle and set Unit-00 to charging the freshly singular Angel. As Israfel Prime lifted its foot to stomp down on Shinji, she latched her Evangelion's arms under the 'shoulders' of the alien menace. Her action prevented a more serious wound, but could not thwart all damage as the talon-like foot of the Seventh Angel dug a trench on Shinji's face over his eye. "Strike the core, Paladin. Do not worry about me, I will not feel as you do!"

Neither needing, nor desiring, further prompting Shinji unsheathed his prog-knife and as he stood jammed it forcefully into the core of the grey-tinted invader. Bleeding freely from his most visible wound, the Third Child roared his defiance into what passed as the face of his foe. Punctuating each palm-strike against the pommel of his knife with an oath, he pushed the vibrating blade harder and harder into the crimson orb, "You. Are not. Welcome. _HERE!_ "

As its lifeforce ebbed, the Angel sent out one final message, _You…_ are _him…._ The orb crumbled, the rigidity of the alien faltered, and Israfel was no more. The oddly formed flesh crumpling into a boneless pile of biomass beneath the victorious Eva's feet.

Unit-00 caught Unit-01 as it stumbled forward, the purple behemoth dropping its weapon to avoid damaging its partner. "I have you, Paladin. Do not worry, I will not allow you to fall."

Breathing heavily, Shinji righted himself and tugged Unit-00 and Rei away from the misshapen corpse before them, "Back up some…. I don't want any more surprises today." _Things have been weird enough. It would just be my luck that it had another form._ "Science?"

"No more blue pattern, Paladin," Maya announced. "It's dead."

Her confirmation of the kill set the bridge crew to cheering, and only then did Shinji relax even slightly, "Roger that EKIA, Science." Patting Unit-00 on the back, he gestured towards the fallen and powerless Unit-02, "Come on, Rei. Let's go help Asuka."

+++++ 7th Angel + 0: Sunday (45)

After positioning Unit-02 so that the rescue crew would have easier access to its pilot, Shinji sat himself down and grimaced with a sickly smile, "Maya…what does breathing my own blood do to me?" He laughed, the concept amusing him, _I'm breathing a blood-scented liquid that's tainted with my own blood. Somehow, I think I'll be fine._ He couldn't see from his left eye, could count at least a dozen places on his body that felt wrong, and it just amused him more. That the LCL refused to drain was just the latest in the string of oddities that was the day.

"Let's not draw out the experiment," Misato interjected. "I want you and Rei out of your Evas and ready for evac. With the sleds acting up, I'm not taking any risks. You'll ride home in the evac bird."

 _Your blood is lighter than my own, Lover._ The odd presence in his mind probed the wound on his face, _It floats to the top of this prison, and so little, if any, of your blood would have entered your lungs._

 _That's…comforting,_ Shinji moved to place Unit-01 to the side of Unit-02. _Thank you, again, for the warning. I don't feel pain, usually, but I get the feeling that being gored by the glaive might have stung a little._

 _Your senses,_ she picked up on the abandoned conversation thread. _You use them outside of this clone. Inside, they are simply amplified. The memories, skills, and mood of the closest allies, the method by which you draw them into yourself is the way you need to practice. Master that, and you will master your awareness._

Settling on his belly, he risked angering the feminine presence, _Dark and Gentle say I shouldn't trust you. They say that I can't understand why they oppose you, or why you pulled me back through time._

 _I do not know any 'Dark' or 'Gentle', Lover. Though if those of which you speak are who I believe them to be, I would say the same as they._ He felt a hand grip his throat, _Do not trust them. I am never dishonest in my desires, nor have I once lied to you. Ask yourself who you should trust: those who hide their ambitions behind esoteric slogans, or the one that offers you tangible payment for honest service._

He had to admit that she had a valid point worth considering, _What service?_

 _Kill these Children of Adam. Free me._ Her hand moved from his throat to cup his face, _I will give you anything you desire, Shinji. I will help you rebuild the universe itself in the image of peace and tranquility you crave. I do not seek dominion, or ladyship. I pursue no throne or worship. I just yearn to be free again to choose my own associations. To offer my love to those who would accept it,_ he felt her lay closer to him, _return it…._

"Severing the connection," Maya announced before unknowingly cutting Shinji's conversation short.

The sense of vertigo as he lost his link to Unit-01 slapped Shinji across the face, and he gagged back the urge to vomit, "Guh…." Once more in his human form, he looked into the worried face of one of his potential paramours, "I…was going to do that." _Don't get angry. She's trying to get you somewhere safe. She doesn't know._

The sensation of his plug ejecting was more than he could handle, and he flopped onto his side and twitched as his inner ear and brain rebelled against further motion. Rei's voice, muffled by the liquid between him and her, sounded off, "Shinji?" He felt the LCL displace, his fellow pilot dropping down to slide under his arm, "I have you. You are not alone."

"Now…you're breathing…my blood," he tried humor to stop himself from swearing in disoriented pain and confused anger.

"I find nothing offensive about that concept," the bluenette replied as she helped him move towards the exit. "We are unified in purpose," with a tiny, ladylike, grunt she struggled to position his bulk where he wouldn't fall back down. "I desire a closer rapport with you," flipping upside down, she hooked her legs over the edge of the entrance. "You will never suffer again, Shinji. Not so long as I draw breath."

With her face inverted near his, he smiled at the seriousness she projected over such a simple topic as comradeship. "Nor will you, Rei. Nor will you."

Pausing, she seemed to consider his statement. Pulling him closer, she kissed him gently. It wasn't the kind of hungry kiss Kodama gave, or the awkwardly enthusiastic kiss of Nozomi. It didn't have the fire and passion Hikari put into it, or the serene offer of Maya's. It was, as all things with the albino pilot were, pure Rei Ayanami. "Thank you, Shinji. It is a less lonely world with you in it. Now, I will need you to assist me with moving you into the open air. Your mass is in excess of what I am currently capable of lifting alone."

After she laced her fingers together as a stirrup, Shinji was able to use her as a leverage point to lock his arms in the open air and hoist himself halfway out. Watching Rei flow up from the LCL, he chuckled and coughed out the LCL, "You," a series of hacking coughs erupted, "make it look so easy."

"I weigh approximately a third of what you do," she slid down to pull him out. "At your mass, it becomes exponentially more difficult to accomplish what I can at my own." The remainder was a simple matter of providing him adequate grip to heft himself free, and she set herself to the task with an eager enthusiasm. "You are bleeding significantly, I would recommend we move to the external first aid storage compartment."

He wiped his face, his hand coming away covered in a mixture of LCL and blood, "Oh…is that what this is?" _Keep laughing. Don't get angry._ "I was hoping it was coffee. I liked Kelly-san's coffee."

"That is…humorous," Rei tilted her head. Settling once more under his arm, she helped balance him on the path to the panel that would allow her to begin treating his wound. "I enjoy your jokes, Shinji. You should share them more often."

Dropping to the ground, he laid his head back against Unit-01 as Rei began pulling out the various pre-packaged medical supplies, "I'll try." _I don't hear the VTOLs, they're usually right on their way_. Flicking the switch on his suit to open communications with the bridge, he closed his eye and waited for Rei to do what she would, "Mother, this is Paladin. What's going on? We're not that far from the airstrip."

"Shinji," Maya's voice replied instead. He could tell just from how she said his name that he wasn't going to enjoy what followed, "We have two SAR teams en route. Rina and Hina will take care of you and Rei, we have Kaz and Green heading for Asuka in Unit-02. The VTOL squadron…suffered a loss during combat, so we're sending out two helicopters. We'll talk more when I'm not operating over the radio, ok?"

"Wh-who?" _I have to know. I can't sit here and relax if…if any of them…._ When there was no response, he opened his eye and glared at his wrist, "Maya, _who?!_ "

"Glitch and Toggle," she replied quietly. "Their Osprey got hit with one of those bizarre cruciform explosions. We don't have any word on casualties yet, Shinji. I promise you, we'll keep you informed. Just, not over the radio. Please, just wait for the helicopters and cooperate with the Corpsmen."

"You need to calm yourself," Rei cautioned, using a liberal amount of foaming disinfectant spray around his left eye. "Agitation will only increase the bleeding, and as it is you may have a scar. Class Representative Horaki would not appreciate it if I returned you to her with further damages that I might have prevented."

"It's kind of hard to be calm, Rei," Shinji sighed, struggling to not take his anger out on the ballerina. "Asuka's in her plug, and I don't know if she's still out of it or is just not wanting to see us. I can't go check because my head feels like someone's pulling on my brain randomly. I'm sitting here bleeding into my plugsuit, and all over yours. Two of my…two good men may very well be dead because the sled didn't deploy on time. We won…but what did it cost us, Rei?"

Rei took his chin and held it steady as she worked a padded bandage into position, "The price of another day in this life, no more, no less." Wrapping an elastic bandage around his head to hold the padding in place, she kept her tone soothing, "If the Second Child is unconscious, there is little we can do for her. The LCL will be better than sitting out here. Your injuries are not an attempt at malingering to avoid your duties, and should she feel otherwise I will gladly correct her misperception. As for our colleagues…." She frowned, sitting back down, her work done for the moment, "I do not know how to advise you. They accepted all risks associated with their station, and should they have fallen in combat we will owe their family appropriate compensation. It is…why we fight, is it not? To protect life, to see it thrive and flourish."

"I could have done more, Rei," Shinji wasn't willing to accept their loss as unavoidable. "I don't know how…but I _should_ have done more."


	54. Chapter 54

+++++ 7th Angel + 0: Sunday (45)

The sutures on his arms weren't the worst part of everything for Shinji. Even having to drop his plugsuit in front of Rina and Hina only brought a modest blush. He had, by this point, been seen in far worse circumstances by the twin corpsmen. What truly bothered him was lying still to have his face stitched up while listening to the pair go into detail about how he needed to guard his face better.

Rina slowly worked the stitches into place, taking great care to reduce the potential for leaving a grotesque scar on her favorited patient, "This is the second time we have had to attempt to repair your eye, Shinji-sama. _This_ eye."

"We are not wishing for a third opportunity to ply our trade," Hina added, working gel seals over the stitches upon each of the various cuts and abrasions on his arms and torso. Matching her sister's gentle touch, she allowed her tone to carry her displeasure.

"Do you have a dislike of your left eye? Is it personal, somehow? Do you not like how it looks at you in the mirror?" Rina kept her motions steady, her manner conveying a matching emotional agitation.

Hina's hand alighted on his thigh, "You need both of them to see your love, Shinji-sama. She speaks often of your heterochromia, though I think she would be upset had you only _one eye_."

"I would be more upset if I had no Shinji." The voice of his girlfriend brought him more peace than he wished to admit at the moment, "If it meant having him here, I would accept the cost of an eye, a limb." Temple rolled Hikari's wheelchair to a place where Shinji could see her, leaning down and whispering something into the younger woman's ear before turning to be about her business. "So, I hear that the two of us may end up staying here tonight."

"We have Shinji-sama's lovely suite all set up and ready to occupy," Rina gestured grandly to her side of the room.

Hina rolled her hand in the air dramatically, "All the amenities of home, none of the need to cook or clean yourself!"

"At least I won't have a catheter," Shinji sighed. "I'm sorry, Hikari. We had everything set for you to get out of here, an-" He cut off as she waved away his concern.

"I would rather be by you, than be home. Kodama says she and Nozomi made it to a shelter, Misato's orders," Hikari's smile was gentle, attempting to feed him the calm she wished she herself could feel. "She didn't want Nozomi being left alone during an attack. That means that tonight, you and I can sleep in this big bed in your 'lovely' room."

"At least you can," Shinji nodded. "I…don't sleep much, anymore." The sound of the door opening lead to him shifting his head slightly to see the Commander enter with General Benoit at his side. His motions earned a reproachful tug back into place and a muttered reminder to hold still. "Good evening, sirs, sorry I can't stand."

"Good evening, Shinji," Kozo moved to the opposite side of Hikari, crouching down. "I am heartened to see you well, my dear. I'm afraid that I have to ask you to assist us, however." He set his jaw, leaning in and whispering something before leaning back and receiving a misty-eyed nod. He looked to the General with a nod before pushing Hikari closer to Shinji where she could hold his hand.

"It is with some regret that we report the loss of your compatriots," General Benoit stood at ease with his hat held before him. "During combat operations…two of the pilots from NERV's First Air Group, 'Glitch' and 'Toggle', as well as their crew onboard Hammer Zero-Five, were caught by enemy fire. Their airframe went down…with all hands." He saw Shinji's face go flat, and waited patiently for any reaction.

"Their…their spouses," Shinji looked to Kozo, "I kn-know Feelgood will take care of them for now, but we…uhm, we…."

"We are making arrangements to assist them as we are legally allowed, Shinji," Kozo assured him. "I've set the CAOs to work with Captain Moritama, and have marked them down as combat casualties. It isn't enough, it never will be, but it's what we can do."

"I d-don't have my phone," Shinji frowned. "I need…uhm, I need to call Raffle. Offer to help."

"I'll pass along a message," Rina offered quickly, placing the finishing touches on his face. "Don't you worry, Shinji-sama."

Hina soothed his leg keeping his hand in hers, "We'll release you as soon as you pass the protocols. Until then, we'll help coordinate any assistance you could provide to The Damned."

"Poor Maria-san," Hikari moaned. "She loved him so much."

"I'm all done here, Hikari-chan," Rina moved towards the wheelchair-bound young woman. "Let's get you up in bed with Shinji-sama."

"An excellent idea," Hina spun out of her own seat to aid her sister.

General Benoit shook his head, "I share your grief. The loss of any human life is a tragedy, the loss of good men and women only compounds that misfortune."

"P-please," taking Hikari under his arm, Shinji held her close, "if…if anyone needs anything…."

"We'll make sure they notify you, Shinji-sama," the twins spoke in unison, taking firm control of the situation. Turning to face the two elder officers, they made their medical opinion explicitly clear, "Gentlemen, we're going to have to ask that you let our patients rest for now."

"Of course," Philip nodded. "We'll speak more later, son. Know that everyone here hurts with you on this dark day."

"Rest, Shinji," Kozo patted Shinji's knee. "You can best help everyone right now by recovering. Let us old men do our part."

The room swiftly emptied, the lights kept purposefully low to avoid aggravating any possible damage to Shinji's sight. With Hikari quietly crying into his shoulder, Shinji turned his attention to soothing Hikari's grief. _They think I'm sad._ He felt his jaw begin to ache from clenching it, _I wish I were. Sad is…easy. What do I do with_ rage?

+++++ 7th Angel + 0: Sunday (45)

"Unit-02 is back in its bay," Maya reported quietly, fatigue only barely held at bay by the constant infusion of coffee and horribly unhealthy vending machine snacks. "That's all three Evas recovered. Let's begin going over the launch data, we can't put them on the sleds until we know what happened." Massaging her neck with one hand, she turned to move back to her station and put her focus on the task.

"Agreed," Misato signed off on some more paperwork. "Shigeru-kun, you and the FNG tear that report apart. Coordinate with Engineering and double-check everything from the last twelve maintenance cycles."

Maya frowned, pausing beside Misato's station, "Ma'am? I'm better qualified to go through the coding, did you have something else you needed me to do?"

"We have a meeting," tossing the last of her paperwork on the console before her, she stood up. "Come on."

Watching Misato's executive assistant, the third so far, scramble to grab everything and hurry to deliver it where it was needed, Maya sighed. _I remember those days. Poor guys don't know what they're signing up for._ Moving to Misato's left side, she asked the obvious, "What meeting?"

"Don't know. Commander ordered the two of us to report as soon as recovery procedures were stable enough to run without our presence," the violet-haired warrior scowled as a group of employees were overheard to be laughing at a nearby vending machine. Her gaze of displeasure hit them with an almost physical force, silencing their conversation and driving them to scatter like roaches in bright light. "I can't go see Shinji, oh no, we have to go to a _meeting_."

 _Well, at least she's not upset with me._ Maya held her tongue and kept pace with the once-more senior officer. _The Commander probably wants to hear preliminary reports on what happened. Another Angel, another fight that Shinji had to pull everyone's fat out of the fire._ _Another fight where the Bridge covered itself in gasoline and lit a match._ Bowing slightly in gratitude as Misato held the elevator door open for her, she set herself in the corner where she was most comfortable and waited for the next explosion from her new sub-commander. _At least we didn't have to dance-fight this time like Shinji described._

As soon as the doors closed, Misato flopped against the wall next to Maya and crossed her arms under her chest, "It's nonsense. I should be able to make time to go see him! I'm his guardian, I'm the one that sent him out to die, I'm the one that should be there to help him!" Shoulder bumping the smaller woman, she let out an angry giggle, "Or maybe send you up there to cuddle with them both, you devious little so-and-so."

"D-d-devious?" Maya was completely caught off guard, "What devious? How devious?"

Giving a heavy sidelong look to her comrade-come-friend, Misato smirked, "I had a little conversation with Shinji, like I promised I would, and he let me know that _someone_ has already taken a bath with him. That _someone_ has already slept in a bed with him. That _someone_ is, and this is a direct quote, 'very pretty' and 'nice'. Considering this is _Shinji_ talking, he may as well have just admitted to me that he wants to spend his days making little Ibuki-Ikari children. His blush was in full force, and…." Her smirk dropped to a frown, and she turned away.

"A-and?" The new Major slipped back into Misato's field of vision, "What and?" Her serious side made an appearance, fear of harming the man she loved shoving aside the blushing and immature romanticism, "Misato Katsuragi, if I am hurting him in any way I need to know right damn now!"

"Not you," Misato shook her head, her hair flowing like water. "Maya, he likes you. He likes you in a way similar to how he likes Hikari-chan. What I'm not sure about is Kodama-san. He says she's been pushing him, and that you haven't. What I don't want to do is over-react. But I also don't want you placed in the path of anything either. I don't think it's healthy, I don't like the idea, I barely tolerate knowing that I'm endorsing you taking a place at his table too."

"Never would have taken you for the conservative type," Maya frowned. "Why are you so conflicted about this?"

Her answer was terse, "Because I need to rely on him to go out and murder aliens without being distracted by stupid drama." When the car stopped lowering to their destination, she gestured to the door, "And he is seventeen years old. I'm already fucking up his youth, Maya. I don't want him to look back and hate everything and everyone in life…if there's anything to look back to."

+++++ 7th Angel + 1: Monday (46)

The midnight hour struck as Misato and Maya walked into the designated conference room. Standing at one end of the table was the new Commander, the General that had come to investigate the previous Commander, the pair of lawyers from the inquest, and several of the agents responsible for Shinji, including the chief of the detail.

"Ah, Colonel, Major, thank you for coming on such short notice," Kozo greeted the pair officially. "I understand that we're all looking to find somewhere to get some sleep after the day's excitement, but I wanted to take this opportunity to get everyone up to speed on the official standing of our star employee. There will be some changes made going forward, and I need everyone to be ready to proceed under the new paradigm."

Bracing her hip against the table, Misato set her own tone for the meeting, "Sir, I haven't had a chance to get up to speed on the _physical_ standing of my ward. If we're firing him, then we don't need to continue anymore with this meeting because he and I will be out of the city before the hour's out. If it takes even that long to pick up Nozomi-chan."

Having anticipated Misato's irritation, the General made a pacifying motion, "Colonel, I applaud the vigor you exercise in seeing to the well-being of Shinji and his adoptive family. Were that either of his parents had been so inclined." Gesturing to the seats, and the folders set before them, he asked everyone to sit, "He is currently under the…aggressively defensive care of the Doctors Miyamura. He has a whole host of new potential scars, is undergoing concussion protocols for the blow to his head, and Hikari Horaki is by his side. Having been up to see him myself, I assure you that he is being cared for, and that their advice of bedrest is merely precautionary."

Flipping through the folder, noticing a great deal of information that seemed to be almost propagandic in nature, she kept her tone level, "So you get to go see my ward, but I can't?"

The General's tone put the matter to rest for the moment, "Rank, as they say, has its privileges, Colonel."

"Sir," Maya had kept her head down and rapidly digested everything in the folder, reading it twice over while Misato groused for both of them, "why am I seeing plans here for media campaigns involving Shinji-kun?" Pulling out one early concept advertisement that displayed Shinji in a slightly modified version of his plugsuit, she held it up to the crowd, "This, 'Protect the city I defend, report suspicious activity'. How is this going to help him at all live a normal life?"

"That, Major," Miles Edgeworth coughed, "is impossible, now. He is well past being 'just Shinji', as he is so fond of saying." Opening his own folder, he continued, "If you would all look at the green packet, you'll find the preliminary report on worldwide identification of the Evangelion Project. You'll also see that Mister Ikari is nearly a globally-recognized household name, now."

"…Oh god," Misato's eyes widened as she realized the extent of the problem they faced.

Xīn Fènghuáng laughed, "I doubt he's very interested in helping us, Colonel." Pressing a button, she turned on the projector, bringing everyone's attention to a series of graphs, "Global searches on the MAGI network spiked just after the attack on the Pacific Fleet. Someone set poor Shinji's name to trending across every social media network. They posted cryptic details, sometimes conflicting, sometimes accurate, sometimes both. In the past forty-eight hours the information distribution has increased seventeen thousand percent. The grifters and fear-mongers have been gorging themselves on selling the worst possible interpretation of every available bit of data, on either side of the cultural divide."

"During the investigation," General Benoit sighed, "we discovered that SEELE had already begun its counterattack. While we carve into their flanks, they've begun leaving poisoned traps. As each node falls, another two spring up and begin muddying the water. This past week we have arrested eighty people complicit in aiding their malicious insanity, though too late to limit the exposure of Shinji's personal data to the world."

Kozo never bothered to open his folio, "His birthday, his past, his childhood, his blood type, everything that any of the 'celebrities' of the old world would put out in public to drum up interest. All out there for everyone to see." Misato saw his 'tells' and recognized that he was being cordial but would shoot everyone in the room if it would resolve the situation. "Protecting him was difficult enough, with the attempts on his life coming from assassins. Now? It's doubtful he'll be able to walk out in public without being mobbed unless we gain control of the situation."

"So, 'just Shinji' can't exist anymore," Idunn summed up. "Which brings up the point Major Ibuki raised, sir. It's very valid," looking over to the woman that seemed to hate her, the redhead tried to broker peace, "how do we help him have a normal life? He's not one of us, he's just…." She shrugged, "He really is 'just Shinji'. He's not made for celebrity, not interested in it. He's coming into his own as a leader, from the reports I'm getting from my team, but he's not military. Are we really going to push him to become something he's not?"

Maya's eyes never lifted from her reading to recognize the other woman, "I won't. He's a conscript, at best. I will not be a part of ruining him." Akane and Mikoto murmured their agreement. "So, what are we doing here?"

"Brand management," Xīn Fènghuáng said with an eager smile. "Before I changed majors, I worked with my father to help him advertise his company. My counterpart, _Lord_ Edgeworth can attest to what a good PR campaign can accomplish."

"Phoenix, I may not say this often enough, but I truly despise it when you do that." Snatching the remote from his colleague, he changed the graph to a repeating video display of Shinji's battles, "Get on with your point. You and I have a plane to catch before long, and I want to have this settled before I return to Geneva and begin pressing charges against half of the UNSC."

"Touchy, touchy," the Vietnamese-Chinese lawyer grinned. "We have begun to release doctored footage of Shinji's fights. Controlled access to certain sectors in an effort to change the message being released. Instead of an unstable, abused, reclusive pilot…you have this." She gestured up to the highlight reel, "Complete with audio logs, showing him fighting with everything he has. Before the farce of an inquest, I reviewed everything I could get my hands on," she gestured to Idunn, "thanks to his chief of security. I'm not an _expert_ in brand management, but I was able to get enough to pitch him to a few people I know."

"Getting any details on his past was challenging," Idunn grimaced. "There's so much chaff out there now, and re-interviewing everyone only confused the issue more. I even found someone who swore he'd died," she laughed. "They took me to a small grave outside Nagano, she and her family had buried him in an effort to afford him some peace, they said. They reported the incident to the local police, who promptly declared the entire matter off limits. Wouldn't even look at the body, they said."

Maya's blood ran cold, "Did you exhume the grave?"

"We did," Idunn seized on the chance to actually speak to the woman who seemed opposed to her presence. "Nothing. Casket, about the size for a teen at the age they claimed he was. Clothes, shoes, everything seemed right but there wasn't a body. Swabs, scrapes, couldn't find a trace of human DNA to work with."

The newly-minted Major swallowed, _That's why you were digging into his past._ "That's…disturbing."

"Isn't it?" The lead agent nodded, "We don't know how far SEELE has gone, or how far they'll go. I've asked for additional resources, not only to protect my principle but to protect everyone around him. Yourself, Colonel Katsuragi, increased patrols around his school."

"We're turning Tokyo-3 into a fortress," Kozo stated resolutely. "We could, of course, move Shinji into the GeoFront. We could remove him from access to the outside world, never let him see the sun accept to fight, and slowly drive him towards suicide. I am staking everything I have on our better graces, on the talent we have sitting at this table. We will assist General Benoit, who as of today is being permanently assigned here for the duration of the Angel War. His authority is separate from my own, and the breakdown of powers will be distributed to everyone in short order."

"These madmen wish to break our resolve," General Benoit tapped the table with his knuckles. "We will defend this city and all its people, we will retake Shinji Ikari's good name," clenching his fist, a cold smile grew on his lips, "and we will let his strength shine brightly upon all mankind."

+++++ 7th Angel + 1: Monday (46)

Hikari had long since fallen to sleep, with Shinji holding her gently. Warmed by both boyfriend and blanket, she had little choice in the matter. Shinji's mind had instead travelled along dark corridors, his anger held at bay only by the woman laying against him. There was little in the way of peace for either person in the well-appointed room, her rest fitful and his repose grim. As the hours had ticked past, he began to wonder if he would be better off letting her sleep in the bed and moving to the nearby chair to sit by himself.

As Temple poked her head in the room, assessing the scene before committing to interrupting it, she caught his eye and raised her eyebrow inquisitively. Looking down at her tablet, she typed out a message and came over to show it to him, "Can't sleep?"

He shook his head in the negative.

She nodded in understanding, typing out a new query, "Lost good people today. Hurt, physically I mean?"

Another negative.

"Slip out," she added. "Let's talk."

Cautiously extricating himself, Shinji covered over Hikari with the blanket and gently swept her hair from her face. _I love you._ Straightening his spine, he grunted as he felt Temple's wrist jab at his ribs. Looking down, he saw that she held out a robe with an amused look. _Oh…right. I'm naked._ He tried to feel embarrassment, or really anything other than simmering rage, and failed. Taking the linen cloth, he wrapped himself in it and nodded his thanks before following her out of the room.

Once he cleared the doorway, she slid the glass doors shut and tapped a few keys on the nearby panel, "If she moves too much, it'll warn me. We'll race back in there. She's steadier, but I don't want her trying to move about unsupported for another two or three days at least. You, on the other hand, need to move about more."

"Hey, brother-man," Green called quietly from his place at a nearby desk. "Got the reports on your kids, if you want to read them," he waved a tablet. "Ghost-chan is healthy, like always. Sister-lady takes good care of herself, just wish she'd tell us when things hurt instead of going all stoic on us. We found a bit of a motor-function issue with her arm lingering, she declared it 'not unduly restrictive'."

Walking over, Shinji took the tablet politely and scrolled through the vitals and diagnoses, "She doesn't speak much, even to me." Spying Asuka's name beginning the next report, he sighed as he read about the Corpsmen's encounter with her, "She was awake."

"And _pissed_ ," Temple scoffed. Tapping a few buttons on the tablet he held, she pointed to an outline of a human with a few places marked off, "Cranial trauma, nothing more than a solid bump. A few bruises on her torso from being bounced off those sticks in the cockpit. Nothing terrible, honestly. She was let go an hour ago with some painkillers and a swat on the ass."

"She tried her best," Shinji uttered quietly. "It isn't her fault."

"I'd agree," Green grinned. "If it weren't for the fact that she," he indicated his boss, "left out the bruise on her hand she gained by punching that red beast she drives."

"That wasn't combat related, and isn't his concern," Temple admonished gently. "You can see your kids are ok, Shinji. Right now, we're worrying about you. What's stopping you from catching twenty?"

Handing back the tablet to the man he'd taken it from, Shinji slowly shifted his head from side to side, "I'm…angry." _They understand. Try._ "I don't know…uhm…I don't know what to do with it."

Green laughed, "Angry? You're just this side of apoplectic, brother-man. I've seen Kaz less angry, and he's a walking ball of wrath at times."

Temple rapped her subordinate on the head, "You don't know what to do with your anger is the problem, right?"

"I…I don't want to hurt anyone," Shinji looked back to the room he'd come from, "I've seen some guys…uhm…they hit things."

"I saw you hit something too," Temple pulled up the video feed of him nearly destroying the pillar in the parking structure. "That Norwegian asked me to look at this, see if I thought you needed to be seen for physical trauma." Showing him, she pressed on, "You shut down there, didn't you?"

"Autopilot," Green nodded. "You needed help, needed release for the steam pressure, no valve to turn though."

Shinji watched the video loop several times, "It…wouldn't die."

"It?" The peace-loving corpsman looked to his boss, "Displaced anger?"

"No, the pillar itself." Temple turned off the video. "He chose something that wouldn't get hurt. Even with mostly autonomic processes running the show, he refused to hurt something living."

"Can you dig it," Green sighed, understanding the complexities better. "Brother-man here knows the score. Can't go around abusing the little ones. Problem is," he gestured along Shinji's torso, "they're all little ones to him."

A trio of beeps drew Shinji's attention back to the room, "Hikari."

Temple hurried past him, sliding the door open and calling out, "It's ok, sweetie. We're here. Shinji needed to talk, and we didn't want to wake you."

The freckle-faced class rep wobbled a bit from where she'd sat up, "Shinji?" Her voice was abstracted, her tone unfocused. It pained Shinji to see his pillar of strength so unsteady.

"I'm here," he reached her side quickly, sitting down and bracing her against his torso. "I'm sorry, they had questions and you were asleep."

It was clear that she was still partly asleep, "Not hurt?"

"He's fine, sweetie," Temple began preparing the wheelchair. "We were just about to go on a trip. Did you want to come with us?"

"I…yes," the wheels of consciousness gripped the road before her. "Yes, where are we going?"

"To find something to punch," Temple announced. "Our first stop is Engineering."

+++++ 7th Angel + 1: Monday (46)

"Indeed?" The sub-chief of engineering nodded as he processed the odd request before him, "That pillar is made of reinforced concrete. Breaking that without breaking your hand…that's a challenge." Looking around the cavernous workspace he shared with several hundred colleagues, he seemed to dismiss various ideas out of hand, "I think we have some stuff…." Gesturing further into the chamber, he smiled, "If you would, please? Mind the debris, Miss," he handed a hardhat to Hikari. "Wouldn't do for you to come to harm in my shop."

Shinji was wearing another set of surgical scrubs as he pushed Hikari's wheelchair, once more regretting not keeping some of his own clothes in various places around the base. Keeping pace with everyone that had formed up around Temple and the sub-chief, he watched carefully where they would be rolling before he dedicated to the motion, "I am sorry for bothering you all so early in the morning."

"Not early for us, sir," a young woman to his side reported happily. "We're graveyard. We still have about four hours left on our shift."

"A problem like this is a good break while we wait for the other team to finish up the repairs on Unit-01's arm," another young lady nodded. "We try not to just stand around, but everyone has their tasks and sometimes you can't help but wait for them to finish before you can act."

"Ok," the sub-chief clapped his hands. "Get the hard-grips on that piece of plasteel," he gestured to a half-meter square of processed metal. "Secure it good and steady, mind. If he punches it hard enough to send it into the stocks, you two are cleaning them up."

The two women saluted, "Yes sir!"

Shinji watched as the women worked, crouching down by Hikari, "Are you warm enough? Do you need another blanket?"

"I'm fine," she reached over and straightened his ponytail out. "How are you? You're shaking."

He kept his eyes turned from her, "I'm…uhm…."

"Angry," she answered for him. "I know. But is anger all you feel right now?"

"It's choking everything else out," Temple stated quietly. "I know how he feels, sweetie. That's why we're here. Peace only carries him so far, and you've carried him further than most anyone else could have. Right now, he needs release." Turning away from the engineers, she crouched down on the other side of Hikari from Shinji, "Really, there's only so many options since we can't put him on a couch. He could hit something to get it out. He could talk to a friend, if he were the talking kind. He could drink himself insensate, if alcohol did anything for him…which I doubt it would. Or, if you weren't fresh out of surgery, you could ride it out of him."

Shinji's voice stayed even, "I wouldn't want that for our first time. She deserves better."

"If it would help you," Hikari countered, gripping his arm, "I wouldn't care. The first isn't everything, Shinji. It's just a stepping stone. It will be special because it's with you, no matter how it happens."

"You have a good one, here," Temple nudged Shinji. "I wouldn't let her get away."

"I don't intend to force her to stay," Shinji kept his eyes on the activity around the metal. "I'm just trying not to chase her away."

"Then it's fortunate I find scars sexy," Hikari squeezed his hand, trying to get him to turn and look at her. "Because I'm staying, Shinji."

"Ok," the sub-chief turned from his review of the work. "If you wouldn't mind, sir, and if Temple-san thinks it won't damage you, give this a tap. It'll give us a good gauge of how strong you are, and a better idea of what materials we should use."

"I'll be back," gently removing Hikari's hand, he stood. "How hard should I hit it, Temple-san? This is your idea."

"As hard as you can," she shrugged. "Most of the cuts you have are healed well enough already. You heal faster than anyone I've ever known, and I don't know that you can produce enough force to break your own hand if you can shatter concrete without doing so. Let's see how you do against this."

"Shinji, stop!" Hikari called after him, waiting for him to halt, "Don't hold back." It hurt her that he wasn't looking at her, but she understood the why of it. _He doesn't want to look at me with eyes full of anger. His heart's in the right place, even if his head isn't._

Hearing an odd echo of Toji's admonition caused him to chuckle darkly, "The last time someone told me that…I knocked them on their butt." Looking back to the woman he loved, he gave her a pained smile, "I'll tell you the story, later." Working his arm loose, he walked over to the slab of metal, "Well then. Let's see what happens."

Setting his stance appropriately, he approached the exercise like any other that Suzuka and the rest set before him. _Calm. Focus. Follow-through._ Calm wasn't an option, he found. He was focused, that much was certain, but the follow-through ended up being slightly excessive. Pushing off his back foot, pulling the entirety of his force through a battle cry, he struck the plate with a right cross that buckled it inwards by several centimeters.

It also ripped the metal free from the restraints and sent it twirling and tumbling back into the stocks at a disproportionate velocity, scattering the materials stored there like so many bowling pins.

"Whoo!" One of the lady engineers cheered, bouncing and clapping, "I won the bet!"

"Was the bet 'who is going to clean the stocks'? Because, yes. Yes, you won that bet," the sub-chief scrubbed his hair, turning to face Shinji. "Well, sir. Let's try something else. Go ahead and wait here, let me take a look." Waving another man over, he began to discuss the problem from an engineering standpoint, leaving Shinji to rub his knuckles and wonder how strong he might actually be.

"Well?" Temple left the rest unspoken.

He frowned, "It never makes it better, does it?" Looking back towards Hikari, he saw that a few young women had gathered and were engaged in what seemed to be pleasant conversation with his girlfriend. _That's good. She needs people to talk to._

"Base problem? No. That's there, whether you like it or not. Handling that is going to be different for each situation, because the base problem should be addressed before you start punching things. The anger? It helps, so long as your body holds up. The stitches in your arms seem mostly decorative now, even with only a few hours of rest," she reached up and felt around the flesh encircling his eye, "that's healing up too." Shrugging, she patted his shoulder, "This is better than drinking heavily, like I do. Or fucking anything that moves, like some might." She tapped his chest with a knuckle, "If you liked talking, I'd say the woman in the chair is a good place to start. But you don't, do you?"

"I…." He had to admit the truth of things, "No."

She nodded, "Hate bothering others with your troubles. They have enough of their own. Too many stones in their rucksack, and you don't want to add your own to it. Oh, you'll listen to everything they have to complain about. You'll add their worries to your own without a second thought. Never the reverse," when she looked back at him, it was with eyes that understood him completely, "never."

"You shouldn't drink, Temple-san," Shinji tried to gently remonstrate the woman responsible for him still breathing. "There are people that need you."

"It's _why_ I drink, Shinji." She smiled brightly, "Other solution is to swallow something in a heavier caliber."

He laughed, "We…we destroy ourselves, so we don't destroy others. I think that's called 'irony', right?"

"Not everyone can find a healthy coping mechanism, Shinji," she agreed. "Until you can bleed off the anger enough to look for one, we'll find you something to smack around that isn't animate."

"There you are!" Idunn's voice carried across the distance from the entrance to the shop to where he stood, "Shinji, you had me terrified!" The woman hustled over, a full fist of guards moving out to cover all possible avenues of attack.

He blinked, "I…I did?" The reason why hit him soon after, "The guards. Who was on duty? I never saw any."

"Akane and Mikoto," Idunn groaned. "They were called into the same meeting I was, their replacements tried to contact me but I had my radio off. They said they couldn't find you, and nobody was telling them where you were. The handoff got confused because of the attack, and I am just making excuses." Lowering her head as she reached him, she was the picture of contrition, "I apologize, Shinji. I failed hard, here. I checked on my way down here, Nozomi and Kodama are safe, and Hikari is here with you as we anticipated. I'm very, very sorry."

He waved that away, sensing the specific lie in her song. Grabbing her shoulder, he instead focused on the true anxiety, "The guards, Idunn. Are they safe?"

Shinji didn't see Temple move behind him and coax gentleness from the redhead. "Everyone's safe, Shinji," smiling as she would for any lost or frightened child, she returned his gesture and gripped his shoulder with her opposing hand. "Akane and Mikoto are working on incident reports, I brought the back-up team with me. I promise, nobody was hurt."

"O…ok," he felt a prickling sensation on his scalp, letting go of Idunn and rubbing at it. "I-I'm sorry."

"No, no," she stepped into him, pulling him into a hug. "You're fine. I'm just glad you're safe, Shinji. This is my fault, and you are a good man for worrying after the people meant to worry after you." Shifting back, she looked at the room, "So, what are we doing?" Everyone was distracted by one of the guards Shinji recognized approaching, "Is there a problem?"

"Informed the Major, as you asked ma'am. She has requested a meeting with you on the matter." The woman looked at Shinji, then back to her boss, "The Colonel simply asked that I shoot you. Though I think the sir here would register a protest."

"Vigorously," Shinji blinked. "I'll talk to Misato-san," he turned back to Idunn. "This is just as much my fault as yours, I know better than to go somewhere without my shadows. I'm very sorry, Idunn-san," he began to bow, running into her hands as she grabbed his shoulders and pushed him upright.

Idunn offered a compromise, "How about we just both see her?" Tilting her head, she gave him a hopeful grin, "Maybe, in exchange, you could just use my name? I realize you were panicking a bit when you did earlier, but I'd like to start to close the distance between us."

"Why does everyone feel my being polite means I'm putting distance between us?" He looked to Temple, "Am I too polite, Temple-san?"

"Never such an animal existed, my boy," Temple patted his back. "Let's leave talking to your mother for after we find what's worth punching around here."

+++++ 7th Angel + 1: Monday (46)

After another hour or so, Shinji was pushing Hikari's chair into Misato's office, with Idunn and Temple in tow. The assistant was different from his last visit, though they jumped up to introduce themselves.

"Mister Ikari, Miss Horaki," the young man's entire being seemed to scream 'help me', "It's a pleasure to meet you. Colonel Katsuragi asked that I inform her as soon as you arrived, so if you wouldn't mind waiting just a second while I do just that."

As the man disappeared into Misato's office, Hikari frowned in thought, "He didn't say his name."

"He's the third EA she's gone through," Idunn answered. "Misato's burning through them quickly. I give him another few hours before he quits or goes insane." Looking to Shinji, she gestured to her own left eye, "How does that feel?"

"Odd," he was focused on the door. He'd caught sight of Misato and she looked far more harried than she had at any point he could remember. "It tugs when I blink."

"You're fortunate that the injury was as shallow as it was," Temple took the opportunity to grab his chin and watch his healing ability work. "Another millimeter, maybe two, and it would have split your eyelid. That would have been about as fun as it sounds."

Hikari's voice was free of anxiety, her tone simply curious, "Will it scar?"

The old medical professional shook her head, "On you or I? Without a doubt. On him? Not enough data to go with."

"Shinji," Misato called from her door, "why aren't you home with Hikari?" Standing in the frame, she had her 'serious face' on and her arms crossed, "She should be resting. _You_ should be resting."

"Because I made another error." Shifting Temple to the side, he took a step closer to the woman he'd once lived with. Bowing, he let his remorse be known, "I know better than to go anywhere without my guards, Colonel. I was asked, politely, and ordered, appropriately, to make certain that I was never without my security detail. By not aggressively pursuing their whereabouts, I allowed a security situation to exist where none otherwise would have. Any blame you assign to Idunn-san, I share."

"His idea, Colonel," Idunn held her hands up to her shoulders, "not mine. I wanted to get him home, he took your joke seriously."

"It wasn't a joke," Misato deadpanned. "That entire meeting could have been undone because two of your agents didn't think to check the one place he's ended up after a majority of his battles." Gesturing to Hikari, she raised her eyebrow, "And the agents guarding her? They were supposed to be at the base of the tower, or in the room itself. Where did they go? A late snack from the cafeteria? He's not an idiot."

Idunn vied again for peace, "Now might not be the time to-"

"To what?" Walking out, Misato hugged Shinji close, "To let him know? Sure. Let's go ahead and wait. Hide things from him. I don't care what the Commander says, Haraldson. He's my damn responsibility," looking over to Hikari, "they both are."

Shinji could feel the stress rolling from the woman holding him, "What's wrong, Misato?"

She deflected his question, "Doc, is he well enough to be without you?"

The head corpsman scratched her jaw as she thought, "No school today, right?"

"Not for two days," Idunn answered. "The city needs to send plumbers in to restore water to the school district after the fight fractured the southern mains. They're saying it will be at least Wednesday before they have reliable pressure to the area."

"Then you two go home after she's done. Bed rest, lots of fish for you," she tapped Hikari's shoulder, "and lots of heavy protein for you," gesturing to Shinji. "I'll work with the grease-tribe to find out what we can offer, for stress relief, ok?"

"Thank you, Temple-san," Shinji bowed as best he could while still attached to Misato. "I'll take good care of her."

"In my room," Misato tugged on Shinji. "We need to talk."

+++++ 7th Angel + 1: Monday (46)

"Are you comfortable?" Crouching down next to Hikari, who'd chosen to remain in her wheelchair, Shinji tried not to blatantly overhear Idunn and Misato 'debating' the situation.

"In the chair? Yes," Hikari smiled wanly at him. "Misato's office has nice furniture, it seems, but if I'm on that couch I'm going to be snoring before two words are said."

"You don't snore," Shinji frowned. "Not that I've noticed, at least." Wincing at Misato's declaration that he had a right to know that the world now knew exactly who he was, he patted Hikari's knee, "You…know yourself best. I just don't want you to be uncomfortable."

Reading her boyfriend well, she sighed, "What are they saying?"

"Well…apparently SEELE had spread most of my personal information out to the world. They tried to make it appear that I am dangerous, untrustworthy…unstable. Then, when General Benoit's people countered that with what they feel is the true story…SEELE spread around my full history." He squeezed her knee again, "My mother's death, my father abandoning me, my raising, my blood type…my favorite ice cream flavor?" He grimaced towards the heated debate, "I don't even have one of those."

"Vanilla," Hikari answered deftly. "You've ordered it every time we've had any. It may not be something you like more than others, but it's what you prefer to buy when asked." Smiling at his curious expression, she shrugged, "It's a wife's job to know her husband better than he knows himself. I can't help you if I don't know what you're going to do in advance, and you don't always have the drive to tell me in advance what you're going to do."

"…It may be bad," he began slowly, "but…I kind of like the thought of having you…you know, be my wife." Blushing, he kept his voice firmly low, "I know you and I have only 'known'," he made air quotes, "each other for a little over a month and a half but…."

"When you ask me," she lifted his chin with a finger, "you know my answer will be 'yes'. I won't rush you to ask, and I won't tolerate anyone forcing the issue." A tiny smile lit her face up as he remembered, "In my own mind, Shinji, I've known you for a long, long time. Whatever this 'soul' group is doing, we'll face it together." Waving her hand towards Misato, she yawned, "Why don't we short-circuit this argument and go home? I'm tired, and I feel like being a little selfish and sleeping in my boyfriend's arms."

"As you command," Shinji stood with a grin. Turning around, he coughed for attention, "Excuse me."

"…and I," Misato stopped. "Yes, Shinji? What's wrong?"

Carefully choosing his words, making certain that the truth was all he said, he clasped his hands behind his back, "I never expected to have privacy. As…one of three pilots, it only made sense that the world would become curious about what it is we do. Even in my own class, there's a boy that has a…healthy appetite for more information about the Evas, and about the kind of people that pilot them. If SEELE wants to try to embarrass me out of piloting, or whatever it is they are doing, they'll fail." Pointing to the map on Misato's wall, showing the pre-impact world, he made his final point, "That is what we lost the first time nobody opposed a bad idea." Idunn winced and Misato looked down at her feet. "I understand that something happened tonight, that for whatever reason my guards were pulled off of their details."

Misato shook her head, "It was a mole, Shinji. It was most likely the same mole that sabotaged the lift."

"Well…that's out of the bag," Idunn sighed. "We'll go over this later, Shinji. Ok? It's more complex than you think. You're safe, your family is safe, and I have full legal authority to increase the security detail around you to the point that if I want there will be more agents than students in your school when you go there."

He nodded, "Keeping them safe is everything, Idunn-sa…sorry. Idunn. But so is keeping Misato safe. Rei-san, Asuka-san, they can't be left unprotected." He closed his eyes and shook his head ruefully, "But you know that. You know your job. Misato," crossing over to the now-smaller woman, he cupped his hands atop her shoulders, "I am not in danger. Not physically. My life…isn't my own. It never was meant to be, I guess. Thank you," he gave her his hopeful smile, "for caring enough to try to fight fate."

The Colonel subsumed the woman for a moment, and she replied in a 'no nonsense' manner, "I'm moving Maya into your house. No arguments." She looked over to Hikari, "With everything that's going on, I want someone with full situational awareness around at all times. We're going to be moving you out of the Horaki house and into a new place that we feel has a better chance of being completely secured at a moment's notice. I'm very sorry, Hikari-chan, but we are past the point of tempting fate and into straight provoking it."

"If that is what you think is best," Hikari accepted the decree calmly. "How soon?"

"Maya's already packing," Misato looked to Idunn, thoughtfully. "Agent, I'd like a moment alone with my children."

The tall redhead raised her eyebrow, "Am I going to be upset by what you talk about?"

"It's private," she shook her head. "Not work-related."

"Take the time you need, then. I'll show you the trust you show me, Colonel," she cautioned. "Let's not handicap ourselves here by going behind each other's backs." Walking back around the desk, she exited the room without another word.

Once the door closed, the woman re-emerged from the Colonel, and she guided Shinji over to Hikari, "I _am_ sorry. I am more sorry than I could ever possibly say. The…the _assholes_ that take you for granted Shinji, that complicated your life, Hikari, there's nothing I can do to hunt them down. I have to leave that task to General Benoit and his people. Life just keeps kicking you, both of you, and there's nothing I can do."

"You can be here for us," Hikari took one of Misato's hands. "That's more than enough."

"My girlfriend is right," Shinji agreed, taking his guardian's other hand. "Misato…I know how bad things could really be. If I didn't have…people, everyone really, trying to help me out? I know what kind of horrible things my mind would come up with to push me away from anyone that might have tried to help. My life was terrible before I came here, and while it's still hard…it's not _lonely_."

"Things…are going to be worse, Shinji." Misato looked between the two, "The city is going to begin to empty quickly, worse than it is now. Those that stay, they're going to be staying because they either work at NERV, or because they have no place else to go. I just hope that people don't blame you, if you go out in public. I'm sure some stores will stay open, there's a lot of money to be made in being the only place around to buy what people need to live here. When you go out shopping, just…don't take what they say to heart."

Shinji's eyes narrowed, _If stores are closing…._ "I'll keep that in mind, I promise. Honestly, I doubt they could be harder on me than I am on myself. If I…if I pull out of school, would that make things easier on everyone?"

"No," the Colonel jabbed the point of his nose with a finger. "You are getting a damn education. If, or when, they close the school down I will make sure you have tutors _here_. But until that point, we are not going to run and hide from our shadows." Sighing, she shook her glossy mane, "I hate to admit it, but Agent Haraldson is right. Something like tonight was inevitable, and it was shut down by the back-up systems in place before it went anywhere. She'll tell you what happened later, and she's still…the best person to keep you safe."

Shinji echoed his former housemate, "No." Lifting one great finger, he tapped Misato's nose in turn, "That's still you, Misato. Of anyone but Hikari or Maya…I trust you the most." Dropping his hand, he grinned, "We're still going to have that family dinner. You let us know when is a good day for it, I'll buy what we need." _I need to salvage happiness, not just for me. For everyone._

"Just not tomorrow," Hikari added, swallowing another yawn. "Tomorrow, I have plans for my man."

Misato, sensing that it was time to send her two favorite people home, put her hands on her hips and assumed a faux-stern countenance, "No babies until the wedding. I want to see you two in formal wear without a baby-bump marring the lines."

Shinji easily read the tease, but still blushed, "Yes ma'am."


	55. Chapter 55

+++++ 7th Angel + 1: Monday (46)

It was still pre-dawn when Shinji arrived back home, though he wasn't surprised when Kodama and Nozomi were standing in the doorway eager to see he and Hikari. Akane had his door open quickly while Mikoto worked the wheelchair out of the back of the vehicle. Jake, now permanently attached to Nozomi, hustled down the walkway to offer his help and Nicolette crouched down by the youngest Horaki and began explaining something in low tones.

Kodama, ever a mystery to Shinji, walked calmly over to him and pulled him into a hug, "You are a fucking idiot." Her whispered reprimand didn't match the love she showed in her eyes, "She is supposed to be asleep, and you have her up this late? Are you trying to put her back in the hospital?"

Shinji grimaced, "I know. I tried to let her sleep, but…."

"But Horaki women don't like being told what to do," Kodama kissed his cheek. "We're difficult like that." Separating, she resumed her caregiving demeanor, "Ok, sis. How do you want to try this? Stand and walk a step to the chair, or be carried into it?"

"Can I try walking?" Hikari sat with her legs out of the vehicle, "I really don't think I need…." The hard stare she received from not only her boyfriend and sister, but the three agents standing nearby, changed what she had been intending to say, "I'll lean on Shinji's arm and move to the chair, Ko-Ko."

"I'll push her into the house, Shinji," Kodama moved to hold the chair while Shinji manipulated his girlfriend into it. "I want to get a gauge for it, I might need to requisition a different one."

Jake kept his eyes moving, looking around for potential threats even in what was to be the safest spot on Earth, "How long are we anticipating her being in one, ma'am?"

"If she keeps being kept up late by _certain people_ , it will be at least two weeks." Kodama gave Shinji another look, "If we can get her proper rest and recuperation, probably only another few days."

"We'll upgrade," Akane picked up on what Jake was aiming at. "Not terribly easy to maneuver in an SUV around here, but it'll be easier to get the chair into and out of."

"We could use it for the move, too," Mikoto added. "Need to be able to take all four people, plus chair. Fit more in one of those stupidly big American things."

Shinji kept his eyes on Hikari, sharing a small smile with her, "You sure you want to stay with me, Hikari? This is the kind of insanity I bring."

"You're mine, Ikari," the love of his life stated archly. "You offered, I accepted, no take-backs."

The procession moved into the house, testing out the new ramps as they did. The initial ramp into the house itself was simple. A removable chunk of well-polished wood in a wedge shape, that was both decorative and functional. The second, interior ramp, was the true pride of the engineering team. Concealed under the floor was now a button-activated switch that raised or lowered the floor slowly so that someone in a wheelchair could roll themselves all the way into the home on their own.

As Kodama demonstrated it, she looked to Shinji, "It'll actually increase the value of the home. It's unlikely to break in the next five thousand years, considering the materials they used and the way they rigged everything up." Gesturing into the kitchen, she smiled, "They also fixed the countertop. When I made everyone breakfast, they noticed and asked if I needed help with that."

"That was very nice of them," Hikari yawned, watching the agents as they dispersed to their stations. "We will have to send them a thank you note."

"Tomorrow…or later today," the eldest Horaki urged. "For now, we need to get everyone in bed. Don't want our days and nights getting turned about any worse than they are." Looking to her youngest sister, she waved her over, "Come give Hikari a hug, Sprout. Just be gentle."

Cautiously approaching, the Little Lady of the Horaki House let Shinji pick her up to enable a better hug, "I missed you nee-san. I agreed to do dishes three days this week just to make sure I could stay up to give you a hug when you got home."

"I missed you too, Nozomi-chan," Hikari's arms encircled her sister. Lowering her voice to a whisper, she added, "I'm very sorry that your sight is coming out so early. I'm sorry I wasn't here for you."

"Uh-uh," Nozomi squirmed back, asking Shinji to set her down. "Maya-nee-san and Kodama-nee-san were here, and nii-san helped too even after I was kind of mean to him." Leaning back into Shinji's leg, she smiled, "You always tell me that life doesn't wait for us, and that what we want isn't necessarily what it will give us. But it gave us nii-san, and now it gave us Maya-nee-san, and everyone at nii-san's work that wants to help us. And besides," she added, "just like mom and dad, just because you couldn't be here, doesn't mean you weren't here."

"Just so, Nozomi-chan," Shinji patted her head. "We're a team, and we'll face life as a team."

+++++ 7th Angel + 1: Monday (46)

With everyone settled where they were supposed to be, Shinji sat in his bathroom with Hikari asleep in his futon and Kodama looking over his wounds. He accepted the attention as a compromise, as he had things of his own that still needed tending to and both Kodama and Hikari had wanted him to lay down and rest. The first text message to Rei had received a prompt response, which amused him in its tone.

"Rei-san says that she is fine," he reported, his voice low to avoid disturbing his girlfriend. "Her words, 'I suffered no significant impairment other than to my scheduled plans to participate in our scholastic activities today and tomorrow'." He wrote a brief reply, expressing his joy that she wasn't hurt badly.

"That girl," Kodama snorted. "I've talked with her a few times, and she always leaves me wondering what kind of childhood you'd have had if you would have stuck around here. The few visions I've had regarding her…are extremely confusing."

"The interactions I've had with her in reality are extremely confusing," Shinji rejoined. "I'll be having dinner with Hikari, her, and Misato-san someday soon. Trying to build some sort of team, slowly." Finishing off his text to Asuka, he sighed, "Asuka-san was awake after the battle. She didn't come out of Unit-02, and I…wasn't steady enough to climb up and check on her. The only other option was sending Rei-san, and I didn't want to push the odd truce those two have."

Swallowing her reflexive denouncement of the flame-haired pilot, the elder Horaki changed her approach, "Did they hit it off poorly? Ayanami-chan seems very…traditional, at times."

"Personality conflict, I think," Shinji shrugged. "The first time through, they didn't hit it off well either. Asuka-san told Rei-san that they should be friends. Rei-san's response: 'If I am ordered to, I will'."

Kodama choked down a laugh, "Ok. I think I like Ayanami-chan a bit more now. That's the kind of retort that cuts a schoolgirl deep." Crouching down, she gently probed around his eye, "I assume her majesty took it about as well as anticipated?"

"Her more common names for Rei-san were 'Wondergirl' and 'that Doll'," he finished off his missive to Raffle. "Asuka-san was all alone, in her own mind. Nobody understood her, and she couldn't change how she was to help them understand her. There she was in the strange land of her mother's birth, supposedly the only pilot that trained their entire life for combat," he looked up to the woman begging for his love, "and she's outdone by a young boy with no training or experience. The only other girl on the team refuses to even try to be friends, to see past her exterior traits to the inside." He raised his unmarred eyebrow, hoping that his message had come across clearly.

"Some people, Baby, are just horrible people. They try to be good people, sometimes. Other times, they just wallow in their horribleness." She stood up, taking off the latex gloves, "I will give her a chance, for you. I will not, however, risk your health and sanity for her horrible nature." Tossing the medical gear into the trash, she turned back, "Later today we'll take out those stitches on your arms. However, the ones on your face stay another day at least. You heal quickly, but I am not going to risk that cut re-opening."

"As you say, Kodama." Standing, he looked in the mirror and frowned, "It's…not as puffy as I thought it would be. I know that you hate it when I say this-"

"I don't care if you're a half-demon half-dog masquerading as a samurai sword wielding merchant," Kodama cut him off firmly. Turning him from the mirror, she took a double-handful of his shirt and pulled him down to kiss him, "I." Another kiss, "Love." Another, "You." Her point made, she let him stand tall, "Now, go into the room, lay down with Hikari, and I don't want to see you unless it's because she needs more help than you can provide or is hungry."

"Kodama," he waved his phone, "I have responsibilities. I don't want my phone disturbing Hikari, and with everything that's happened I need to be available to handle things."

"Put it on vibrate, answer it quietly," her eyes hardened, "lay down with my sister. You need rest, Shinji."

The phone chirped, and he quickly tapped the messaging application to silence it. Setting everything to vibrate, accepting that if nothing else that was a good idea, he looked at the missive and grimaced.

Kodama's tone demonstrated aptly her increasing displeasure, "What is it?"

Instead of explaining, he simply turned the phone around so she could see it. Asuka had responded, a terse reply of 'Pissed off' to his question of how she was holding up. "I have everyone here, Kodama. Who does she have?"

He saw her jaw clench, "Lay down. At least be _present physically_ if you can't set everything aside for the woman you claim to love." Turning on her heel, she stalked silently from the bathroom and bedroom. Her song was a jumble, as it always was, but it seemed more tuned towards desperate irritation than focused anger.

 _That's…unfair._ Shinji scowled after the woman, _She's home. She's sleeping. What better time for me to take care of everything than when she's not awake for me to spend time with?_ Walking over to his bed, he carefully crawled into the space between girlfriend and wall that had been left for him. _If this disturbs her, I'm going to be upset._ _I could just as easily sit at my desk and handle things there._

Tapping out another message to Asuka, he kept the night-mode on his phone turned on to reduce the ambient light and sound. _I'm sorry you're angry, Asuka. I think you did more than anyone had a right to ask of you. The lift not launching meant that I couldn't be there to back you up, and the Angel splitting into two copies was cheating._

The phone shook as soon as he hit send, a message from Raffle this time. 'It's a bugger's muddle, Pally. I've not seen a woman as righteously furious as Maria in some time. I'd not have expected it, either. She's always seemed a rather calm woman. What're you doin' up still? Ain't you supposed to be resting?'

 _I don't sleep anymore, Raffle. You know that. What can I do to help? I'm supposed to be a good friend of The Damned, and all of you have done so much for the Horaki family. Should I have someone contact Feelgood?_ Hitting send, he looked over to Hikari and had a sudden urge to caress her hair. _When I die…what will you do?_ _Be angry? Sad?_

The message from Asuka arrived swiftly thereafter, 'This from the man who stood toe-to-toe with the both of them? I've been watching the damn tape non-stop. You were holding your own, and I folded like a cheap tent. That blue-haired personal computer managed to do more than I did!'

Shinji began to wish that he could just go see her. Being in the same room with her meant he could try and show how he actually was feeling, instead of relying on words. _Rei-san was deployed to an advantageous position, and if it weren't for her help I'd likely have eventually failed. I know you hate it when I deflect praise, but I…I don't like it when you blame yourself for things you couldn't help. Why don't you come over later today, after you get some sleep? Hikari's home, I can make us something to eat and we can talk more about what happened face-to-face. I'd leave, but I'm…kind of grounded._

Raffle's next message summed up the situation they faced, 'Nothing to be done. Maria's taking her husband's body and going back home to Botswana. When Feelgood offered to help with the paperwork, she slapped him. Damn near started a scuffle by grabbing poor Christie and making to slap her teeth clear to Glastonbury. Vidar stepped between them, big guy just picked up Maria and carried her out of the room. Pretty sure he's got some bruises now, won't let me take a look-see.'

 _Christie-san is Toggle's wife? I seem to remember that being her name. Why would Maria-san want to hurt someone else who's suffering?_ He hit send and laid back against the wall, _Please…don't let my death cause this kind of discord. Why would someone as funny and open as Maria-san want to leave the support network here? She has to know that we'll do anything to help our friends._ His eyes closed, _Am I their friend?_

It was another few minutes before any reply arrived, and Shinji had time to contemplate the meaning of friendship. He'd give these people the shirt off his back, or a place to live. He'd never ask for or expect anything in return for the act. They, to his knowledge, had quickly grown interested in him and took him under their wing. While they'd only gone drinking the once, it was The Damned that showed up on no notice to help with the wake. _That has to mean something. People don't just do things for no reason._

Another buzz drew his eye down to Asuka's reply, 'I'll think about it. If Hikari's ordered you to stay in the house, it means you need to rest and recover. I saw how you looked when Ayanami pulled you out of Unit-01, Shinji. The external cameras work on emergency power, and I saw you looking up at me with your one good eye. If you didn't stagger like a drunken sailor, I know you would have come and checked on me. I'm glad you didn't, because I was in no fit state for solace. Go to sleep, mein Freund, enjoy the downtime with Hikari. We'll speak more when I'm not ready to break my hand fighting a wall.'

 _I look forward to seeing you again, then._ He left it purposefully open-ended so that she didn't feel like she'd made a commitment. He knew well enough that she quickly felt trapped by such things, and despised keeping those obligations. As he hit send, Raffle's reply came through.

'Aye. Maria didn't take kindly to Christie's reaction to everything. Nor to the fact that it was Toggle who was flying the bird at the time they got shot down. Being completely honest with you here, I'm pulling suicide watch. She's shut down completely, looks as lost as a newborn lamb, she does. She's got no real skills, no job, no education to speak of. They were sweethearts from before the Impact, and she kind of went where he went and did what he did.' He could read well enough that Raffle wasn't entirely sympathetic to the woman, 'So when I say that there's nothing you can do, I mean it. The situation's fucked beyond us mortals' ability to repair.'

Shinji frowned at her last statement, Suzuka's guess that he, like she, wasn't entirely mortal ringing in his head for a bit. _What can I do? What needs doing?_ He tried to rephrase the question several ways, _What is it that can be done, when someone doesn't have the person they love anymore? When the person they relied on is gone. What did Toshiro-san do?_ He thought of the Shirakami, of Toshiro's dedication to serving the people around him. _He poured his heart into his children, and into his work. If Christie doesn't have children…she needs work. She needs something to dedicate herself to._ Nodding to the idea forming in his head, he tapped out a quick question, _Then we need to find her something that she can do. Does she want to go home, wherever that is?_

'Not a lot of places hiring people around here,' Raffle cautioned.

 _We both work for a company that always needs more hands,_ Shinji countered. _You find out if she wants to stay, I'll talk to Misato-san and see if there's a chance we could hire her somewhere. Even if it's just in the cafeteria, it's a place where she can feel like she's doing_ something _._ _You don't need to be the smartest person around to cook noodles and chicken. I know that all too well._

'Oi,' Raffle added a glaring emoji, 'what've you been told about knocking on yourself, eh? You're smarter than any ten blokes, and with a better heart than the lot to boot. You talk to Tits, lay out your ideas and make your case. Let me know what she says, and I'll tell Christie you're trying to help. Now get to bed. It's late and you need your sleep. Can't have my man walkin' around looking like the undead.'

 _Good night, Raffle. Please, tell Christie-san that I'd like to have a chance to talk to her, when she's ready._ Hitting send, he worked his jaw a bit. _I'm clenching my teeth more and more. That's a bad habit._ Typing out an e-mail for Misato, he decided against risking waking her up. If she'd finally found a way to break out of her office, the last thing he wanted to do was risk waking up another person. _Kind of thought that Asuka, Rei, and Raffle would be too asleep to answer. It was thoughtless of me._

Setting down his phone, his work done for the moment, he made certain that the Angel Alarm was the only noise-producing segment of his phone. _I won't disturb her sleep with ringtones, unless another Angel attacks right away. Shouldn't…it's the Volcano next._ With Hikari facing away from him, he was able to lay against her back and gently pull her against him. _Love…seems kind of painful, in the end. I wonder…I wonder if that's why father fell apart. It's stupid that I'm just now questioning things. If I was as smart as everyone says I am, I would have been curious from the start._

Long hours of introspection brought him little help, and less sleep. Every avenue he explored led to the same conclusion he'd already reached, he hadn't been the one to initiate anything the first time through. He'd spent months without once actively trying to engage the people around him, and it all ended with him almost getting them all killed repeatedly. It wasn't until Hikari stirred that he moved again, and the slow-to-awaken love of his life didn't seem eager to move away from him.

"Mmm?" Her 'still asleep' voice was heart-grindingly adorable, "Shinji?"

He tried to shift away, to look her in the eyes as he asked what he felt was important, "Did you need something?"

Locking his arm up, she pulled him back down against her, "Nooooo…. Just…dreaming. Woke up…you were doing what you did in the dream. Nice." Scooting closer to him, she pressed herself fully against his front, "Wake up like this every day…happy." Her pajama pants made a quiet whispering sound as she rubbed herself against him, "Mmmm…very happy."

Shinji blushed, realizing that his girlfriend had been very honest in that she simply suppressed her desires well. "I…uhm," his hand, the one that she'd captured and brought him down with, was guided to a resting place that radiated more heat than his dive into Mount Asama, "I…I think Doctor Charcot-Benoit said we needed to be careful. R-right?"

"Am being careful," she breathed out throatily, "laying down."

 _Thermal expansion,_ Shinji swallowed hard. He chastised his traitorous body for responding so eagerly to the unwell woman's semi-conscious seduction, "Hi-Hikari-"

"Tell me you love me," she interrupted him, consciousness gaining traction.

"I love you," he responded hastily. "I love you so much it hurts."

Reaching up at the awkward angle she had to with the arm she'd been laying on, she pulled his head down against hers, "Then trust me, Shinji. I've wanted to be touched by you again for so long, and I spent all that time in the hospital unable to think about anything but our missed opportunities." Working him into place so that he held her tightly, she moaned, "Touch me, Shinji. We won't do anything I can't handle, trust that I know my body well enough."

 _She…isn't wrong. We missed so many chances, and almost lost any future we had. I was scared, but I wasn't alone like she was. I…I owe her this._ Kissing her neck, he poured himself into the task. Keeping a firm grip on the reins of his desire, he never applied more pressure than she had while compelling him to action. Remaining mindful of her head, the well-tended wound that had been created on her own skull of greater concern than the one on his eye, he slowly felt out her limitations by observing her side profile. Minor expressions guided him, and though he likely would never rank this among the 'greatest make-out sessions of all time'…he had to admit that he came away nearly as satisfied as she when she moaned her release into his pillow to avoid informing the house of her pleasure.

He felt the dampened skin on her arms, misty sweat having built up after the first major post-surgery exertion, and thrilled that he'd brought her this happiness, "I…uhm, I was going to wait a bit longer."

Rolling over, slowly, she pushed him down and moved atop him. Laying on his chest, her hair splayed over his side, she giggled, "I wasn't. I would have jumped you last night…but my body betrayed me. Traitorous, traitorous flesh."

The weight of her form against his was exhilarating, his own body aching with incomplete desire. Still, he shoved his own wants down where they would do no harm, "I'm glad you slept, Hikari. I needed time to be a good friend and…try to be a good leader. Asuka, Rei…The Damned, there's so much that needs my attention now." Wrapping his arms around her, he ordered his hips to stay still, "I looked to what I thought you'd do for guidance, you've been my inspiration in trying to be what Misato asked me to be."

Smiling, she asked coyly, "So, you're fully willing to look to your Light for guidance?"

"Always."

"Then I'm guiding you into the bathroom," she tittered. "Because I want a bath. The wipe-downs only do so much, and I'm surprised you can stand to be near me."

"I…." _You love her. She loves you. You've done this with Maya, and Kodama. Don't be an idiot._ "I'll go get you some clean clothes," he felt her sag with disappointment, clearly anticipating him distancing himself from the intimate designs she'd had, "and then we'll get you clean before we get into the bath. We're both kind of sweaty right now." _I can tease her too. It's how Misato bonded, it's just another way to show love._

"No need to go," she latched onto him, "I snuck some of my own clothes into the drawer you never use, a while ago." Looking up with half-lidded eyes, she scrunched her nose cutely, "A good leader needs foresight. She should anticipate the people who look to her, and see what they will need or want before they know it themselves."

 _Tell the truth._ "Can…I be honest?" Shifting slightly, he scooped her up and held her in a bridal carry. When she nodded slowly, exercising caution with her own health, he smiled. "I've always wanted you to move into my room. To live with me. To be with me. Since that first kiss in the elevator, I couldn't get the thought of forever out of my mind."

"Forever is there for the taking, Shinji," reaching up, she caressed his jaw. "Whenever you are ready to grasp it."

+++++ 7th Angel + 1: Monday (46)

Shinji found that the bath in his room was perfect for he and Hikari. Where Kodama had to sit atop him, a position she adored and he felt conflicted over, and Maya had to brace her feet against his legs to remain flush against him, Hikari simply fit. Like a puzzle piece long missing, when he settled them both inside of the tub after a long, cautious, scrubbing, she was able to sit with her feet comfortably crossed at the ankles, her bottom pressed lightly between his legs, and her now mid-back length hair pulled over her shoulder.

When at first he kept his hands on the walls of the tub, wanting to see how she'd relax, he was able to read that she was discontent. Using the skill that the final, unnamed, voice had asked him to practice he listened to the song Hikari exuded naturally and quickly realized that she wanted to be in full contact with him. This, in a spark of spontaneity, brought out the idea of massaging her shoulders gently.

"Oooh," she moaned, taking a deep breath, "that's _lovely_." The purr with which she said the word reminded him slightly of Ritsuko's seductive sighs, a train of thought that he kicked off the rails before it could gain any steam.

Working the muscles around her neck, slowly trailing outwards towards her arms, he marveled at how luxurious her skin felt even after over a week in a hospital setting without skincare products. _Not like I have much basis of comparison. Misato, Maya, and Kodama._ He surprised himself, realizing that he had more experience in touching the female form than he'd believed. "I thought maybe it would help you relax. It's been a very hard couple of months."

Her reply was a breathy whisper, "Every day of my life without you in it is difficult, my love. Those long years waiting, knowing that I was incomplete somehow…looking at the boys or girls around me and wondering if I was just misunderstanding what my mother had described." She trailed her fingers along his thigh, "And then the perfect man falls through time and space, catches me as I'm about to fall and hurt myself, and hands me the dream of every girl who ever wanted a noble samurai to carry them away."

"Hardly perfect," Shinji snorted. "I have a stammer, I lock up whenever I get too angry, I'm responsible for the fate of the world, and I can't seem to say 'No' to the women in my life. And those are just my lesser faults."

"Don't ruin the moment," Hikari chided lightly, tapping his knee with her finger. "I'm no more perfect than you, and when you look at me, I can see the ivory and marble pillar you set me upon in your mind. For all your flaws, you are perfect _for me_. You know when to look to me for ideas and advice, you come to me with your problems, you're not afraid of being honest, or of my own need to be honest with you, you aren't threatened by my intelligence, and you don't ask me to be something I'm not. You are everything I could ask for in a husband, and that makes you perfect."

Working his thumbs in small circles along her shoulders, he smiled, "I put you up on a pillar because you have earned my veneration, Hikari." _A week without her bath products and she still smells of lavender_. "You listen. Not just hear what I have to say, but you actually listen. You hear the words that I have a difficult time finding, the story that I'm trying to tell without the means to tell it. As angry as you've become with me, for being as dense as I am at times, you've never once looked at me like I'm an idiot. When you chide me, it's because you know I am just being too hard on myself. You give me a reason to be better, to work harder…to build a world worth gifting to you. If you ask me to, I would construct monuments to your glory…or tear down nations in your name."

"Shinji the Conqueror," she mused. "It just sounds…wrong." Laughing lightly, she danced her fingers back along his leg, "I spent some time studying up on these 'Paladins' that Raffle named you after, from that…strange sounding game. They weren't people who went around hurting others, nor could I ever see you happily doing so. They defended the weak, stood against the evils of the world. That's how you would make me happiest, Shinji," she turned slightly, looking up at him with a fond smile, "being the man you are. Shinji the Paladin."

 _I have to do this. I can't…I can't deny the truth of things anymore._ "Defender of the Light." Swallowing, he took a deep breath, "Hikari…I…I need to ask you some…uhm, some tough questions."

Reading his eyes, she nodded, "Help me sit up." Turning around with his assistance, she braced her back against the other side of the tub so she could face him. "What can I do to help you, my love?"

"I-I…I love you," _start with the simple._ "I never want you to leave. I never want to be without you."

Her eyes, free of fear or anxiety, simply glowed gently with the warmth she took from his statement. Her silence served him better than any response she could have offered, giving him the time he needed to form his thoughts cogently.

"If I-I…if I asked you, uhm…if I asked you to marry me, I…I'm worried that…that things would ch-change." _Stupid stammer._ Maya's admonition that his flaw was simply a part of him, like his eyes, or his hair, floated past his conscious mind. "B-Because…." _The truth._ "Because…I-I think I l-love Maya too…as m-more than a friend." His hands clenched and released rhythmically, "B-But, if I-I had to choose…to choose her or you, it'd be you. W-without hesitation, or debate."

Her lips grew to a smile of understanding, though they stayed together. He knew that she was living up to the promise she'd made.

"S-so…wh-what do I do?" _I need to resolve this. I can't just dither about. It was wrong of Shinobu-san's boyfriend, and it would be dreadfully wrong of me._ "I w-want to marry you, someday. I-I w-want t-to," he closed his eyes and tried to focus, "I want to share you with Maya, though. To let her try and w-win your heart, too. She c-calms me, like you do. She listens."

When he opened his eyes, he saw that her lip was quivering, and what appeared to be tears of joy had gathered around her lids. "I want to marry you too, Shinji." She took a calming breath, composing herself, "May I try and summarize what I think you're asking? So that I can be certain we're both understanding one another?" His eager nod warmed her, "You are afraid that by marrying me, you would be closing out a possible relationship with Maya. That I would demand you be with me and me alone." His nod was slightly slower, the hesitation having many possible meanings, "You are also worried that I wouldn't be free to pursue my own happiness with her." The guilty nod he gave filled in the blanks left by the previous one. "I think we're missing one party for this discussion, then." Gesturing towards his phone, she asked him to hand it to her. "I will call her."

Shinji grasped the phone, handing it over wordlessly. _Please understand, Hikari. Please. I'd be happy with you and you alone, but you want more. You deserve more._

As she dialed, she grinned, "However, I think we're going to need a bigger tub." Holding the phone to her ear, she began to toy with certain portions of his anatomy using her toes, "Because sitting side by side is better than stacking like sushi." Her eyes perked up, the line clearly connected, "Maya? No, no, everyone's fine. Shinji's phone was closer." She paused for a moment, "Really? Well isn't that convenient. Am I on speaker? No? Good. I'm currently sitting naked in a large tub of steaming water with the man we both are enamored with, and I seem to be missing the added affections of a certain tantalizingly charming genius. You have five minutes before I keep him to myself forever. Bye." Hanging up the phone, cutting short the squeaky confused sounds coming from it, she tossed it onto the nearby counter, "She'll be in shortly."

Faced with the physical pleasures she provided expertly, the confusion of how she'd so boldly declared her affections for Maya, and a now obvious look of hunger coming from his girlfriend, Shinji's mind gave up on attempting to maintain order. "You…bad."

"Only in private, my love," working her fingers through her hair, she kept engaged with her feet. "I've told you, several times now, I'm not the 'good girl' everyone thinks I am. I'm just very good at maintaining proprieties." Holding up the end of her hair, she narrowed her eyes, "I think it's actually straightening out, now that it's growing longer. How weird is that?"

The door to the bathroom opened, Maya moving hastily through it before closing it again behind her, "You!" She leaned against the portal, pointing at Hikari, " _You!_ "

"I find it absolutely adorable that of the three of us," Hikari started with a tranquil smile, "it's the youngest of us that is able to remain consistently calm about these things." Looking over to her husband-to-be, currently melting against the back of the tub, she frowned cutely, "Though thinking about it, you are technically younger than I am."

"You shouldn't be doing those things, Hikari," Maya brought the bathing stool closer to the tub, sitting down upon it. The shorts she was wearing clearly indicated that she wasn't meant to show up to work for some time, "You're still recovering."

"I'm fine," reaching out a hand, she asked wordlessly for Maya to hold it. When the 'other woman' took it, she let her playful demeanor drop slightly, "He's not."

Shinji wanted to retort that at the moment he was wonderful, thank you for asking, but couldn't with the increasingly dynamic manipulations of his person taking his active thinking away.

"Well," Maya blushed, "I get the feeling you're doing something naughty to him. If he's not fine, you should really stop."

"No, no," Hikari waved that away. "He's fine with that. He'll blush adorably later, feeling guilty that he enjoyed this while you sat and watched, though."

"Hikari!" Maya gasped, "What has gotten into you?"

"He's thinking of asking me to marry him, hopefully soon," she shrugged, unconcerned with showing the woman she'd like to date her more direct side. "But, and this is where you come in, he doesn't want to risk he or I losing you. He thinks that by marrying me, you'll be forced out of the picture. He loves you, though I don't know if he's able to say it out loud just yet." The frank and open manner in which she said everything took Shinji out of his pleasure-induced stupor, just a touch.

"He…has," Maya hesitated. "Not in the way that would mean _love_ love. More the way you talk about someone you care for deeply." She reached over and took Shinji's hand, "He hasn't been unfaithful, Hikari. Not to you, or himself. Yes, we've laid down in bed, but he's not touched me like that, nor I him. We came close, but that was…an accident."

"That's a shame," Hikari moped. "This would be easier if I knew that you two were truly sexually interested in each other."

"I…am," Maya nodded slowly, trying to read Hikari's mood before bringing up the near-miss in the bathtub. "You know I am."

"Yes, but Shinji hasn't said much." Both women looked at him. His girlfriend tilting her head to the side, "Though, with him, it's likely because he's ashamed of it." Looking back to Maya, she pursed her lips, "Could I ask you to do me a favor?" Her eyes trailed over to the bag she'd seen the Major bring into the room, then to the style of shorts she'd worn, quickly assessing a few things, "I need a hand up. I think Shinji's kind of boneless right now."

"Oh!" Standing up, Maya moved to help, "Of course." Bending down, she offered her arms for support, "Here, take hold of mYYYYYYYY!"

With surprising strength, Hikari toppled Maya into the tub. Shoving her back against Shinji, she lunged and pressed the woman of science between the two of them. Without words she began to aggressively kiss her startled would-be paramour, calming her flails with romantic designs. Once Maya had settled enough, she looked up past her to see Shinji's shocked face trying to understand what was happening, "Don't just sit there, my love." Taking his hand, she slid it under Maya's shirt to the treasures within, "There's really only one way we can be certain if this will work."

It was awkward, at first. None of the individuals involved had ever done anything like what they were attempting, and the difficulty spike from four limbs to six wasn't the simple fifty percent change it said it was mathematically. However, with an eagerness driven mostly by Hikari's insistence, they soon discovered a way to proceed equitably.

To Shinji, it was a learning experience about himself. Twice during the proceedings, he caught himself wondering how he would feel if Hikari were suddenly male. If he was sharing Maya with another man. He didn't quite understand the 'why', but he knew for certain that he'd never have accepted it. There was, somehow, a sense of betrayal that accompanied the thought. When he, instead, imagined Kodama where Hikari was he just felt embarrassed. As if it were beyond him to imagine not being happy with Hikari there. The thought of a man being where Maya was just landed dead in the water. He wouldn't hold, as an example, Kensuke where he was holding Maya. It wouldn't be off-putting, just awkward and not at all sexy, to say nothing about the similar sense of betrayal.

 _I'm not jealous of my girlfriend kissing my…best friend? Other girlfriend? …My Maya?_ How he identified her was still foggy, and he knew that in order to keep his momentum moving he had to ask the people currently with him in the tub, "Uhm…I…I have a question."

Hikari slowly moved from where she'd been messing Maya's immaculately affixed lip balm, laying to the side and smiling up at her boyfriend, "Yes, my love?"

"What do you call someone you…uhm…you really enjoy kissing, when you already have a girlfriend?" He blushed, "C-calling Maya _your_ girlfriend works, because you don't already have one."

"Oh, I do though," Hikari giggled. "I have a girlfriend," her hand trailed along Maya's cheek, "and I have someone who wants to marry me, someday."

"N-nobody asked me," Maya protested weakly.

Pressing Maya's shoulders back into Shinji, Hikari lifted herself up and gazed down at the woman with a heady mixture of lust and adoration, "Maya-chan, would you be terribly offended if we asked you to join our truly bizarre romance? The Time-Travelling Paladin and his Oracular Light have an opening that just _begs_ for you to fill it." Her eyes became serious, her tone dispensing with the teasing, "He loves you, Maya. I'm absolutely certain that I could very easily grow to love you too. You are the right kind of smart, the right kind of funny, and _definitely_ the right kind of attractive." Looking up to Shinji, she raised her eyebrow, "Be honest. Tell her."

Shifting his hands past Maya, he pulled Hikari down into a giant hug of both women, pressing Maya between them, "I…I enjoy having you around, Maya. You listen, you manage to put into words what I'm feeling before I understand it myself, and you don't…you don't demand." The statement drew Maya's eyes up to him in understanding, her fingers reaching up and combing through his hair gently. "It isn't just Hikari that would be happy with you around. If she is happy to have you join us…I'm happy. D-do you…do you want to join us?"

"So there we have it," Hikari grinned, "you have now been asked by us. What's your answer?"

"You're both insane," Maya giggled. "But that seems to be going around." Sucking in her breath through her teeth as Hikari worked teasing hands along her torso, nibbling lightly on her neck, she sighed contentedly, "We're going to get looks."

"They don't matter," Hikari stated plainly. "They're not in our shoes, they don't share our woes, and they most definitely do not share our history."

"If…if we get married," Shinji let his thought hang for a moment.

"This doesn't have to be forever," Maya shook her head. "If we try it, and it doesn't work…it doesn't work."

"If it does," Hikari kissed Shinji, then Maya, "then we'll give Maya a ring too. Legally, it's just paperwork. A marriage is more than a government form and a taxation change. I'll be married to her just as much as you will, and I will want her to have a physical reminder of our love for her."

"Then…when I die," Shinji began, cutting off when two women looked at him suddenly.

"I will not be done with you for a long time, Shinji Ikari," Hikari pushed away and jabbed him with a finger. "You do not have my permission to die, not to an Angel, not to a car, not to anything."

"Hikari," Maya took charge, moving the slightly taller woman back to the other side of the tub, "Shinji is…facing a very adult concept without the requisite years to put it into context." Reaching behind her, she pulled off her shirt and tossed it with a wet smack to the floor, "The death of his allies has forced him to think long and hard about the very real possibility that he will leave you a widow. The reports coming to me from the Air Group…he's trying to avoid a situation similar to the one playing out right now."

Shinji looked down to his hands, rubbing his thumb along the inside of his palm, "Maria-san…hasn't taken it well." He shook his head, "I'm sorry…I just ruined the mood."

"No," the eldest of the three reached over and took Shinji's hand, "you are still coping. Just like Hikari is," she looked back to her new girlfriend. "You know as well as I do that you are making a more aggressive play for his affection today. That it is very much seated in the very real possibility that you might have died. Knowing, now, that a group of Shinji's allies died fighting the same beast he had to face alone. We can't lie to each other and be successful, Hikari."

A twinge of guilt crossed the young woman's eyes, "I was willing to let him set the pace today. He is doing just fine. I know it's not his fault that…none of this is his fault. I just…I just don't want to think about him…."

Moving to support her, Maya slid alongside Hikari and sat side-by-side against the back of the tub, "Neither do I. My worst nightmares of late have been him being torn apart. Or…worse." She looked back to Shinji, "But we're all processing things differently. Right?"

"I only want to know that you'll be ok…if it happens," Shinji changed his words at the last second. "I…uhm, I can't even begin to put into words how…fortunate?" He spread his hands, his tongue seeming to move without him, "I am blessed beyond description to have the love and affection of two of the most beautiful women in the world. I know that I'm smarter than I give myself credit for, but you both eclipse me in that arena. Your minds' beauty, your eloquence, your worldly perfection, all are as beyond me as the distant stars. That either one of you would consider me worthy of loving sets my soul aloft to dance on the tides of the sun itself, that _both_ of you would share yourselves with me and one another…I may never reunify with that joyous spirit ever again."

Maya and Hikari seemed to melt, tittering coyly and smiling coquettishly. Neither wanted to be the first to say anything, and both seemed content to hug each other in a form of celebration that he only vaguely understood.

 _Not bad, Lord of Poetry._ Dark ruffled his hair, _You've locked up the assistance of that one. Between her and the woman you love, you've made significant progress towards victory._

A vague outline appeared to his side, and when Shinji turned to look at it he was able to sense the person speaking before they began.

 _I look forward to the day when you are more fully able to appreciate the affections they have for you, Shinji._ Gentle knelt down beside the tub, reaching over and caressing his chest, _It will bind you all together in ways that words alone cannot._

Reaching up, he laid his hand atop hers, _I…I see you._ For a moment, he was no longer in the tub. He was no longer in the bathroom, the house, the city. He reclined against a rock, surrounded by vague shades of shadows and light. Nine each, all engaged in conversations he couldn't hear or understand. The two, Gentle and Dark, were by him. Interacting with him, growing more distinct the less he focused on them.

 _No, you see where we project ourselves,_ Dark corrected. _It's progress._

Beneath him, spreading out in all directions, was a thick green blanket. Soft, pliable…mossy. The more he thought of the forest floors he'd once walked through with his Sensei, the more sense it made. _I'm in a forest._ The stars overhead, bright and clear, were unrecognizable to his city-reared mind. If he were handed a map he couldn't make out a single constellation, far too many points of light to make any distinct forms. The 'trees', such as they were, explained the rocky crags and peaks he saw in the glimpses. Whether stone or wood, they were numerous and dense. The valley, however-

Hikari had grown worried as his face filled with a variety of emotions she couldn't explain, "Shinji?"

"I," shaking his head, he came back to his surroundings. "I…." _Dark?_ The presences were gone, the outlines and voices both.

Maya was out of the tub and around to where he sat in a flash. Taking his wrist, she felt for his pulse and turned his head to look directly at her, "Focus on my fingertip. Move your eyes, not your head." Counting mentally, she put him through the basic exercises to test for a sudden brain injury. "What day is it?"

"Monday," shaking his head, he took her hands in his. "I'm fine, Maya. I…the voices." _Closer to victory?_ Suddenly a great many new fears came to his mind, the pessimist in him always eager to be the first to speak. "Dark…Gentle, they…." He grimaced, "We need to talk."

+++++ 7th Angel + 1: Monday (46)

Everyone was out of the tub and into dry clothing as quickly as could be arranged. Hikari had, indeed, stored her own clothes in one of his drawers. Maya, not wanting to go out into the main room where her suitcase had been left, borrowed some of Hikari's clothing, minus the bra for…topographical reasons.

"I like them, though," Hikari smiled, trying to extend comforting vibes to the woman she'd just begun to date while not allowing everyone to exude doom and gloom before they had been given a chance to talk things through. "No, they're not big, but I like them anyway!" Waving to Shinji, she begged his assistance, "Tell her! They're perfect just as they are, right?"

Shinji, not quite anticipating this discussion, could only blush and nod, "I…wasn't lying the other day, Maya."

"And you don't _have_ to wear a bra around the house," Hikari added quickly. "I mean, there's no reason to be uncomfortable, right?" She smiled encouragingly, "It can't hurt to maybe have easier access to certain things."

A knock on the door cut the conversation short, "Hey, coming in!" Kodama's entrance was preceded by her announcement, and when she stepped inside the room, she eyed the three of her housemates warily. "Those aren't the clothes you entered in," she pointed to Maya. "Your hair is wet," to Hikari. "You owe me a kiss good morning," to Shinji.

"Maya slipped, ended up joining us in the tub trying to help me out of it," Hikari shrugged with a smile. "Shinji was in no fit state to help at the moment, I'm sure I don't need to explain why." Her smile took on an edge that Shinji was rather familiar with, "He was very _supportive_ while I was gone, I hear. I was busy thanking him for taking care of the house, in my absence."

Kodama offered a surprisingly calm retort, "Can we not, for a few days at least? You just got out of the hospital. Nothing that was going on is of such earth-shattering importance that we need to snap at each other like dogs until there's no more risk of putting you back on a gurney."

"I'm going to agree," Shinji stepped where everyone was forced to look past him if they wanted to see each other. "Whatever anyone thinks anyone else did, I bear just as much responsibility for allowing things to happen. So whatever we're angry about," his tone darkened, "sit on it. We have bigger problems right now."

Kodama stepped back slightly, surprised by the vehemence and fire coming from the normally placid young man she adored.

Maya blinked, "Uhm…wow." Stepping to his side, she added her weight to his portion of the scales, "While I'm surprised he didn't stutter once, I'm going to agree. I may not be happy with everyone right now, but I think we need to be cautious. Kodama's right, Hikari."

Sitting back against the wall with a sigh, Hikari shook her head, "Neither of you understand him, sometimes." Holding out her arms, she smiled as Shinji moved to sit by her and let her hold his arm tightly, "He didn't stutter because whatever he's worried about is life-threatening in his eyes. He'll stare down giant alien monsters or unknowable evils that send him through time and space without blinking. The three of us?" She laughed, "He'll tell us to sit down and shut up if it means keeping us alive and well. The apologies and stuttering will happen once the threat has passed."

"An unfortunate fact," Shinji muttered. Looking to Kodama, he once more took control of the situation, "Where's Nozomi-chan?"

"Hospital, visiting Sakura-chan since she doesn't have class today." Kodama moved to sit at Shinji's table, "Shinji…what's going on?"

Shifting his gaze to Maya, he gestured with his free hand towards the entrance to his room, "Close the door, please." A kiss to Hikari's cheek and he pulled himself free, "I'm sorry, I need to stand up and pace." _If I'm right…this is terrifying._

Maya followed his instructions and then moved to take the spot Shinji had vacated, "It has to do with the voices, doesn't it?" Her analytical mind followed the abstracted gaze he'd taken in the tub to its logical conclusion, that he was either looking inward, which was unlikely as he wasn't angry, or he was 'talking' with the otherworldly presences.

He nodded, "Yes." Pausing in his pacing, he moved to Kodama and bent down to offer her a gentle kiss on the cheek, "Thank you for being an advocate for calm, Kodama. Right now, I need everyone to work together." He smiled, a pained expression but a smile nonetheless, and shook his head, "I don't know how to begin."

Happy that she'd received honest praise, she reached up and squeezed his elbow supportively, "At the beginning. If we have questions, we'll ask them."

"Ok…ok." Taking a deep breath, he moved to stand where everyone could easily see him and he could read their expressions as best he could, "You all know, more or less, about the voices in my head…." He frowned, "That sounded weird."

"The voices that you hear, from time to time. The feminine ones?" Maya pushed him past the awkward phrasing, "Did they speak to you just now?"

"Gentle and Dark did," he nodded. "Not the one that pulled me back in time, forward…wherever," he waved off the distinction. "When…when Hikari and I accepted you, Maya, and you accepted us, Gentle and Dark praised me for doing so." He felt Kodama stiffen, her song changing its tune and testing her ability to maintain her calm, "They said I was 'closer to victory'." He looked directly to Kodama, "They are also the ones that told me that Maya was unable to be controlled by the third voice."

While emotional to a fault, the Nurse was not stupid by any stretch, "Wait…that means... No, I don't _feel_ like I'm being controlled." She looked over to Hikari, "But we wouldn't know, would we?"

Hikari's eyes had hardened, "We can't trust them at all, then."

Shinji blinked, trying to follow along with her thinking, "Uhm…why?"

"They say that Maya can't be controlled," Hikari began, "but Ko-Ko and I can. You say that Ritsuko-san was most likely controlled by this third voice, right? I think I remember you even saying that the voice admitted to it."

"Contact with the L-Nine," Maya interrupted. "You mentioned that it needed contact with the L-Nine to interact with the person. Akagi-san had contact, I had contact…so did Kodama, but not Hikari." She shook her head, "But Akagi-san's recent interviews all state that she doesn't remember anything. She remembers going into the room before the Fourth Angel, and no matter what she's shown she can't recall anything until…. Until the test the other day."

"I need to go into the L-Nine," Shinji nodded, following her line of thinking. "The other voice might have answers."

"I am _not_ being controlled," Kodama threw out bluntly. "Yes, I have been aggressively physical with Shinji, but never once have I pushed him into sleeping with me. There is a world of difference between an active seduction and what that bitch did to him."

"But you wouldn't know it," Maya countered. "Neither of you would. And that means that _none of us_ would know. The two voices could be lying, and both Hikari and I are being controlled without knowing it. Imagine this from Shinji's perspective, Kodama."

"He finds Ritsuko-san attractive," Hikari mused. "I know he does because I do. We have very similar types," she hugged Maya closer. "Things between them might have been different if she hadn't been danced about like a puppet, but we need to know more. Just because the other voice can't, doesn't mean this Dark and Gentle couldn't, or won't." Anger clouded her gaze, "He can't trust us now."

Shinji lifted his hands to protest, "I-"

"You finally admit that you want to marry me," Hikari snapped, "and these…these horrible things that refuse to explain themselves come in and ruin _everything_! How am I supposed to defend myself against them, Shinji? How am I supposed to be happy knowing that you will forever doubt the truth of my words?" Gesturing to Kodama she carried onwards, "How is she supposed to defend herself against them? They say Maya can't be controlled, but was that a test? A ploy? They have asserted without proof something that can just as easily be dismissed with the same, but not without leaving the stain of doubt on everything we do."

"And they won't answer you," Maya held Hikari still. "He tries to talk to them, but they respond when they want."

"They…they say that I'm blocking them out," Shinji shrugged. "That practicing the abilities I've gained will allow me to see them clearer." Looking down to his feet, he clenched his hands, "I…saw them, kind of. After…uhm," he looked back to Kodama, "after I admitted that I loved them, each in their own way. I said something _way_ more eloquent than I'm normally capable of. I saw Gentle…or at least an outline of her."

"And what happens when you finally can see them?" Kodama grimaced, "Ok…this is more messed up the more I think about it." Standing up, she walked over and hugged Shinji from behind, pushing her head under his arm, "No. No, we are not going to live our damn lives constantly paranoid." Looking over to Maya and Hikari, she shook her head fiercely, "Think about it. What if _he's_ being controlled? What if _he_ doesn't actually love _us_? Once we accept that this third voice can control space and time, everything we do is open to…to…to navel-gazing introspection!"

Dark's admonition that he needed to stop his navel-gazing rang through his mind, and Shinji blinked, "Wait." _Dark, Gentle, if you can hear me…either answer now or…or I'm not going to talk to you anymore._ "I'm going to…I'm going to lay down," moving Kodama with him, he fell back onto his futon. "Maybe…I've just been too passive. Maybe I need to actively concentrate, focus on what I'm doing with my whole body and mind."

Kodama rolled over to her side and curled into him, "We can't let this stand, Hiki. If he chose you and Maya…even if he doesn't choose me, we can't live our lives constantly doubting _reality_." Reaching across his chest, she grasped for her sister, "Get over here. Cuddle with him. It…it may not mean much to them, but whatever he's going to try, he needs our support."

Closing his eyes, Shinji felt Maya move Hikari next to him. _I'm serious. I know that you two can hear me, if you're listening. I don't care what you offer me…I have questions, and I want answers._ The sound of his phone ringing cut into his concentration.

"I got it," Maya hurried away. "You focus, I'll deal with whatever." A pause of a few seconds, "Ayanami-chan? No, he's fine. He's talking to Hikari and Kodama right now. They're dealing with some issues about the living situation change."

 _Rei?_ Shinji frowned, _Why would she call me?_

As soon as the thought arrived, his consciousness shifted much as it had while he had been in the tub. No longer laying in bed, he was standing in a featureless void, dimly lit with a twilight glow. Turning around, he tried to see anything of the same features as before. The mossy carpet, the tree-like rocks, but nothing was there to be seen. Nothing beyond him but void and a rosy haze. "H-hello?"

"Hello," a young voice sounded from behind him.

Spinning around once more, he saw…himself. Not the him that he would see in the mirror now, but the him that he once had been. Dressed in the same clothes, the same haircut, the same blue eyes. He was facing…a calmly amused younger self. "Y-you…."

"No," the young clone shook his head. "I am not you. You are you." Holding his hand out to the side, the not-Shinji gestured to a table that appeared from nothingness, "Please. Can we sit? I find that it is easier to discuss things openly when drinking something to occupy my hands."

"I…feel the same way," nodding politely, Shinji walked with not-Shinji to the table and stood by his chair, waiting for the not-Shinji to sit.

"Hmm," not-Shinji frowned. "A dilemma. Who is the host in this scenario? Is it me, the one who created the table? Or is it you, the one which the table resides within? To sit first would be rude, were I the host. The same prevents you from acting."

"We…could sit at the same time?" Shinji tugged on his ponytail, "That way…if anyone is rude, we'll never know?"

"An excellent plan," not-Shinji nodded with a small smile. "On three?"

"One," Shinji began.

"Two," his counterpart followed.

With a combined statement of 'Three', they took their seats as one. The chair itself was comfortable, neither too soft nor too stiff, almost changing its density to support him as he settled into it. Reflexively reaching for the carafe to serve, Shinji paused as his counterpart waved him off.

"No, no. I created the service, I believe that makes me responsible for pouring." Seeing the odd half-smile on the face of his past brought a twinge of regret to Shinji's heart. Not-Shinji noticed, and nodded, "It is odd to look at a self you no longer are, I agree. Like looking into a photograph that can interact with you." Pouring out a cup for Shinji, not-Shinji continued, "To think that I would look so…powerful, but instead am rendered as you once were."

Shinji accepted his cup with a half bow, "Who are you? I mean…you're obviously me…but you say you're not me."

"That's because you are you," not-Shinji nodded. "Just as I am me." Urging Shinji to drink, he continued, "I am not Shinji Ikari. Shinji Ikari sits before me. I am, however…let's call me a _part_ of Shinji Ikari."

Shinji's eyes widened as he recognized the drink, "This is…. You're the Angel!"

"Not…quite," not-Shinji winced. "I never was an Angel, as you term them. Just as you were never Gendo Ikari. I am _of_ the Angels, as you are _of_ humanity. But would you say you're human?" Accepting the slight frown as his answer, not-Shinji nodded, "I am much the same. The difference is," he smiled, "now I am not a distinct being anymore. I was nothing but potential, and now my potential has been realized. I am a part of Shinji Ikari, as I said."

Looking down into the 'Irish Coffee' as Kelly Chambers had termed it, Shinji worked the words through his mind, "So…are you a separate consciousness? A mind within my mind?"

Not Shinji answered his question with a question, "Is the voice of your conscience a separate being? When you speak to yourself, are you speaking to someone else, or just another part of your own mind that you ask for answers you do not have immediate access to?"

"That…is philosophical," Shinji answered slowly. "So what you mean to say is, I don't know. If you're a part of me, then that means you don't know either."

"We are rather intelligent," not-Shinji approved. "If we put our mind to it, we might come up with the answer. If it truly mattered."

"It…doesn't?" Shinji paused to think, taking another sip of his drink, "It doesn't."

"Why would it matter? I have no power, no control, no ability to do more than ask you simple questions and hope that you come up with answers that make you happy. Or at least content that you understand why you must endure the sorrows." Not-Shinji took another sip of his own drink, "This really is very good. I see why you like it, the bitter flavor mixed with just a hint of sour-sweet. We'll be lucky if Chambers-san visits in the future, so we can ask her how to make it properly. Enjoy more than a memory constantly revisited, create our own happiness."

The next question, logically followed the first, "Why am I here?"

"Assuming you don't mean existentially, which is something neither of us can truly answer satisfactorily, you are here because you sought answers. You triggered the ability to look inside your own Realm while seeking out the Realm of those you name as Gentle and Dark." Waving his hand around at the world within himself, not-Shinji shrugged, "Kind of dreary, I agree, but you don't have the best view of your own existence."

"This is…inside of me?" The dim glow of the world around wasn't exactly heartening, "I shouldn't be surprised."

"No, but then again…it was a lot darker here when I first arrived." Not-Shinji created a picture frame from thin air, "She's done a great deal for us." Looking out from an ornately gilded glass, Hikari calmly smiled her love to Shinji. "As has she," another picture of Raffle appeared by Hikari's. "And her," Kodama. "And her," Maya. "And her," Nozomi. "A great many people, really. All thanking you for what you've done for them, offering their own support in return." the table quickly extended, housing picture frames of all of the people Shinji had interacted with the second time through.

His reflexive denial died on his lips, and Shinji found that he couldn't voice the words he'd meant to.

"Hard to lie, in here," not-Shinji chuckled. "In this Realm, where the spirits of Light, Water, Daytime, Thunder, Fish, and Art dwell forevermore…the truth of things has a tendency to stifle the lies. Even those we tell ourselves." Snapping his fingers, he created a framed painting behind his head, "Read the text, if you would."

Shinji tilted his head, "It's…in French, I think."

"And she speaks French," not-Shinji reminded him. "Use her love for you, read the text."

"Ceci n'est pas une pipe." Narrowing his eyes, he found a translation forming, "This is not a pipe? Then…then what is it? Sensei used to smoke a pipe, it looked…similar. Aren't I lying?"

"Are you?" Not-Shinji shrugged, "It looks like a painting to me. Could you put something in that painting and smoke it? I would think not. And so, it is the truth: Ceci n'est pas une pipe."

"So…what you're trying to remind me of, is that the truth is subjective." Shinji frowned, "No. No that's not what you're telling me. You're telling me that the truth isn't what I first believe it to be. That there are layers to the truth, and some things can be both true and not true at the same time." Snapping his fingers, Shinji came up with the missing word, "A paradox!"

Not-Shinji's half-smile set the table for his retort, "Am I? What did I ask you to do, to read the text?"

"You said…her love." Shinji blinked, "She…actually loves me."

"A lie is not possible here, as you yourself experienced." Another drink gave him a chance to allow Shinji to dwell, "The other part about layered truths is all you. Though it is rather true, it wasn't where I was taking the point. I'm glad you thought of it, though. I think that'll be helpful in the days to come."

"So all of the talents, the…the stray thoughts. Like Maya advising me to stay calm around Kodama," Shinji worked through his recent memories. "Misato's tactical advice, the Agents thoughts about safety, or driving, or who to shove into a locker!"

"The curious thing about love," not-Shinji swirled the liquid inside of his mug, "is that it is corrupted by humans, weaponized. Angels, by and large, do not doubt love. It either exists, or it does not. To falsify it, to create it from whole cloth? It's a perversion of the highest order, and to attempt it would unmake them. It would be denying reality, it would be…." He trailed off, hoping that Shinji would pick up his thoughts.

"It would be lying in the Realm of their existence." _Ritsuko._

"She didn't 'love' you, Shinji. She wanted to mate with you." Not-Shinji's half-smile turned sad, "We really ought to try and free her. That her biological drive to reproduce with superior materials was manipulated by others in an effort to confound you is not her fault, and she does not deserve to languish in prison eternally for that."

"Lust," Shinji set his cup down and set his head against the table. "Of course. I'm an i-rmphs."

"Internalizing the saying means that you believe it to be true," not-Shinji snorted. "You can't even engage in colloquial lies, here."

Everything he'd just heard answered an entire host of questions he'd had, calming his fears and anxieties without leaving the typical doubts in their wake. "All of this, from an embryo that I was never meant to touch."

"According to whom?" Not-Shinji tapped the table, "We're being manipulated."

"By everyone," Shinji agreed, sitting upright. "Sometimes it is because it pushes us towards what people think to be best for us."

"Misato's manipulations aren't worth terming as such," not-Shinji shrugged. "She wishes for us to have more reasons to fight, and those things she has given us herself more than make up for the small sting of knowing that she's afraid of asking us outright."

"Other times…."

"I can't say what those you name as Dark and Gentle desire," he answered honestly. "They aren't of the Angelic side of us. They're very clearly not of our human side, either." Pointing with the mug in his hand, he raised his eyebrow, "Lilith, however, has spoken true. She desires freedom. But freedom can't be granted by a human, nor by an Angel. The knowledge that I bring with me, of the race I might have once become, I can tell you that much. To be set free, she needs both to agree to unseal her. As one must always remain sealed."

 _So her name is Lilith? Why wouldn't anyone be able to tell me that?_ "…She needs us," Shinji finished. "She was testing me, tempting me. She tore me away from my reality to bring me to this one, everything she's done has been to set up the potential for freeing her from wherever she is." He looked out into the gloom, "But why tempt me? Why was she so relieved when I passed her tests?"

"I do not know," not-Shinji answered sadly. "If she answered you when you asked her the same question, I could tell you if it was true or not. But to know her mind, I would have to be a part of her. I'm a part of you, and I can only extemporize on _your_ actions and thoughts. Not that you need me to." Finishing his drink, he leaned on his elbows, "So. Now that you know, what are you going to do?"

Shinji looked back, "I don't know." Rolling his fingers on the table, he frowned in thought, "I'm going to tell Hikari, Maya, and Kodama that they don't need to worry about being compelled to love me."

"Just mate with you," not-Shinji nodded. "Though, that could very easily simply be their own biological imperative speaking. Reproduction rates highly in the list of desires for humans, and from what I understand the act itself is rather pleasing."

Shinji's eyes opened wide, "I love Maya!" He laughed, the sudden realization that he couldn't lie meaning-

Not-Shinji raised his hand to bid for patience, "Do you love her as more than a friend?"

Shinji nodded, "Y…yes."

"Do you love her in the manner you love Hikari?"

That no answer could be uttered spoke volumes. He tried to say 'yes', and failed. He tried to say 'no', and failed.

"Complex answers," not-Shinji shrugged. "I would recommend you simply keep in mind that 'right now' isn't 'always'. It can become eternal, or it can fail at the first hint of trouble." Turning his head slightly, as if listening to the wind, he sighed, "Go home. Trouble grows in your absence."

Shinji stood, "H-how do I-"

The world around him vanished, a sense of vertigo washing over him as his mind reoriented to being on his futon. The sounds around him slowly came into focus, several voices engaged in an increasingly loud debate. The small amount of pressure he felt became clear as he saw the back of his girlfriend, and only the back of his girlfriend, her position laying sideways across his chest seemingly unruffled. "Hikari?"

"Shh," she warned quietly. "You're unconscious. Stay that way."

"And I'm telling you that two medical professionals are comfortable with what he's doing," Kodama declared hotly. "He's meditating! That he's not awake with us yelling is a sign that it's working, not a sign that he's medically unwell. I don't know _where_ Ayanami-san got the idea that he's in danger, but I can assure you that all he's doing is trying out a new technique we've been practicing."

"Major," Idunn's voice identified the source of the antagonism, "I can appreciate Miss Horaki's perspective, but I have to admit I'm surprised that you are unwilling to even have him taken for a quick evaluation. Collapsing from convulsions isn't-"

"Collapsing isn't what he did, agent." Maya sounded, to Shinji, a great deal like Misato all of a sudden, "He is laying awkwardly because he actually fell asleep in a meditative seated position. The front door opening and people approaching unexpectedly became slightly higher on my priority tree than righting him, and Kodama was as eager as I was to make certain to defend the two over there. Now, if you would be so kind as to resume your patrol, I have the situation well in hand."

"Major-"

"We don't have to make this unfriendly, Agent. But I am very willing to," Maya seemed to force Idunn back by sheer presence, her voice deathly quiet. "He has finally trusted us enough to try our suggestion with regards to finding sleep. We have disrupted that plenty in an effort to prove to you that we have the situation in hand. When he is awake, I will ask him to speak with you. That is all you are getting. Now either leave, or I will be forced to discuss this directly with General Benoit. I am in charge in the Horaki's home now. Unless someone starts _shooting_ at him, his health is my responsibility, not yours."

Shinji felt Idunn's song strain, "You are not the only one who loves him, Ibuki." The senior-most agent kept her tone even, "Every man and woman I brought with me has his well-being in mind, believes him to be the best man they've ever served. I don't know what I did that put you against me, but you need to not let it endanger him." She held her ground for a second longer before turning and leaving, snapping orders into her throat microphone.

After the bedroom door closed, Hikari flopped onto her belly, exposing that he was awake, "Ok. So, that was a lot more intense than I thought it would be." Laughing, she gratefully accepted Kodama's assistance in moving upright. Braced against the wall, she looked to Shinji, "Since when did you speak French?"

Confused, Shinji finally got a good feel for where he was, "Why am I half on the floor?"

Maya slumped against the door, "Because you started moving as soon as you went limp."

Kodama nodded, "It was the most disturbing thing I've ever seen. No muscle movement, just limb movement. I didn't see a single muscle group contract or release. Not one." Setting Hikari back against the wall, she gave her sister a kiss on the cheek, "Madame Brain Trauma here tangled herself in your arms to stop you from being able to move further, I went for your legs."

"I had to get Ayanami-chan off the phone," Maya groused. "She heard you start to speak, nothing intelligible. But it was enough to worry her." Walking over, she crouched down before Shinji, "So…how many lies did I just tell?"

"I'm…fine," he shrugged, smiling. "I know nobody believes me when I say that, but I really am. I just had…a strange conversation with myself…kind of." Standing, he looked at the three women present, "Learned something. I think maybe I can trust it." Taking a deep breath, he squared his shoulders, "I'm going to ask each of you something. I want an honest answer. In return…I'll do any _one_ thing you want, so long as it doesn't hurt anyone else."

Hikari blinked, "Shinji?"

"You," he pointed with a grin, "get two promises. Because I already know your answer, and it isn't fair that I ask you this. But I have to."

"N equaling three isn't a great sample-size, Shinji," Maya looked at him curiously. "I see where you're going."

"It's all I have." Looking down at the much smaller woman, he raised his eyebrow, "Unless you can find more women that we can trust might actually love me."

"I think everyone loves you, Shinji," Kodama snorted. "Some of us love you that little bit extra."

"Let's let him ask the question," Hikari shut down the conversation. "I want to see where he's going with this."

Bending down, he kissed Maya on the forehead, "Trust me." Walking over to Hikari, he waved Kodama away, "Sorry, I don't want to contaminate my answers." Dropping to his knee, he leaned over and put his lips by the love of his life's neck, lowering his voice to a whisper, "If we never…were intimate, would you still stay with me forever?" Setting himself back, he looked into her eyes, expecting confusion, maybe irritation, but not the fondness he saw there.

Reaching up, she tugged his head to where she could return the whisper, "I will stay by your side, no matter what we face. I do not love your body, though I will admit it's deliciously proportioned," a small kiss to his ear, "I love _you_ , Shinji. The lust is secondary, and always will be. You will always and forever be the only man for me."

He couldn't hold back his smile, and turned to give her a warm kiss before standing up, "Thank you for answering honestly." Not once had her song wavered, there was no confusion, no hesitation. Her heart was open to him, and now he had to never abuse its trust. Taking a breath to recenter himself, he turned to Maya and gestured towards the corner of the room, "If you would, Maya?"

The latest person to call him their boyfriend rolled her eyes, "This has all the scientific validity of reading entrails, you know?" Regardless of her stated disbelief, she walked confidently over to the corner and waited patiently for him to reach her.

Wrapping his arms around her shoulders, he pulled her into a hug. Keeping his voice low, he repeated his question, "If we were never intimate with each other, would you still stay with me forever?" As with Hikari, he pushed her softly out to a distance to read her facial expressions. Unlike Hikari, he saw the calculation in her eyes. She wasn't trying to come up with her answer, she was analyzing the question.

"Of course I would," she snorted. "It would be awkward, because I really do want to try that, but…I'm not going to say one thing and do another. You are the only man I'm willing to break type for, and you're either comfortable with us engaging in that kind of intimacy, or you're not. You choose that for yourself, Shinji. I don't."

Mirroring their girlfriend, Maya's song spoke of nothing but the truth. The part of him that knew the difference had grown stronger, and it eased his mind to know that he could begin to trust it. "Thank you for answering honestly." With a gesture, he indicated Hikari, "Would you mind taking care of her? I want to take Kodama out of the room to ask her."

Maya nodded, "Sensible. It could go…differently."

Bracing himself for that distinct possibility, he turned to face the last of the three, "Let's go up to your room, Kodama." _If this goes bad, we'll have distance between her and this room. The yelling might not reach here._

The feisty nurse crossed her arms, "Ok…why?"

"Because I want to keep my promise to Hikari." _She doesn't want to see the things we do. If you kiss me, she won't be here for it._ "I'm keeping an open mind."

"It'll be the same question, though." She contended, frowning, "They already know what the question is."

"Ko-Ko," Hikari groaned, "he's doing this for me. I know _why_ he's asking you to go upstairs with him, and I agree. It's not bad, it's just him being the good man we love."

Unable to go against her stated desire that they not fight, she let her arms drop. "Fine," Kodama exhaled. "Let's go."

Following behind the most confusing of the three women who professed to love him, Shinji maintained a respectful distance as they approached the staircase to her room. When she was several steps up, she turned and tapped his nose, stopping him cold, "Hmm?"

"I want a promise," her eyes were clear, and she seemed determined to rein in her natural seductive charms. "Not as the payment but as someone who loves you."

He couldn't keep the look of confusion from his face, "Ok…."

Her song quivered, and he could tell that she was beyond nervous, "No matter what happens after your question, I want one more date. A real one, this time. Just you and I, so I can make my case. No Shirakami, no NERV, no fighting, just you and me."

 _If she answers that she can't…will she still want to?_ He realized she wasn't stupid, and would read clearly into the question he asked. She wasn't aware, however, of his growing ability as a walking lie detector for the people closest to him. _How close is she, though?_ "If you want to," he hedged, "we will."

A triumphant smile accompanied her song soaring back to its typical cantor, "Good then. I'm still owed a promise, though. For answering your question honestly." Turning to walk away, she set her hips to swaying and Shinji's libido to reminding him that Kodama was, if nothing else, painfully attractive.

 _Can_ I _go into a relationship with_ her _and not touch her?_ He had to laugh mentally at the fact that saying 'No' to Ritsuko was possible because he knew she wasn't acting the way she ought to have. Kodama, on the other hand, had started out as she intended to finish. Flirty, vivacious, and charmingly fiery. Reaching her room, he waited patiently outside as she walked in and sat on her bed.

"Shinji?" Confusion cleared quickly as she rolled her eyes again, "Would you get in here, you goon? I swear, you act as if I wouldn't want you in here." When he entered and closed the door, she grabbed his hand and pulled him over, "But that's why I love you."

 _It sounds true, but I know for certain there are many types of love._ Sitting down on her bed, he kept his tone conversational, "I won't need to whisper, because nobody else is here now."

"Then spit it out," Kodama urged. "You're supposed to be spending time with Hikari, but…I understand why you were worried. You seem calmer, after your…episode? After your talk with yourself." Taking his hand and wrapping both of hers around it, she tilted her head flirtatiously, "So what is it you want?"

"I…." _Please. Don't be controlled._ "I need to know…." Closing his eyes, he forced the words out, "If you and I were never intimate, would you still stay by my side forever?"

He was afraid to open his eyes, as Kodama's hands went still. Not for fear of her anger, or her disdain. He worried most about the hurt he might have caused. He knew that to Kodama, love and touch were hopelessly tangled. She loved her sisters more than anything, and she touched them all the time. It was, quite obviously, never sexual but it was still contact. He was asking her to answer him honestly and tell him whether or not she could keep her hands to herself for the rest of their lives.

"Shinji," her voice was unsteady, "please look at me." He hesitated still, "Please, Baby?" Opening his eyes, he saw…contrition. A sadness and fear hovered at the edges of her words, "I…am sorry." Soothing his hand, she pressed on, "I shouldn't push so hard. I shouldn't…shouldn't ask you to fill the void in my life with physical affection. I should be strong enough to stand aside and let Hikari have you. I should be strong enough to tell Maya to get lost and give you to my sister, and her alone." He felt, as much as heard, the quaver as she spoke, "If that is what you need, to include me in your life, then I will give it to you." Her jaw shook, her eyes watered, "It will not be given gladly, because…because I want to touch you. I want to hold you, and feel you against me. But if that is the price…I will pay it."

Not once had her song betrayed a lie. _She's clean._ Letting his heart beat again, he swept forward and scooped her up off the bed, off her feet, to hold her in the air and crush her against him in a hug, "Thank the spirits, the ancestors, everything on Earth, Kodama…you're clean." Pressing his head into the space between her pillowy flesh and her chin, he laughed happily, "None of you are prisoners in your own minds!"

More than warmed by his enthusiastic affection, not to mention his head's position, Kodama hesitated only slightly in pushing away to look at him, "So…does that mean I can kiss you? Didn't I just promise to not?"

Dropping her down carefully, Shinji initiated a kiss for the first time in their odd, unidentifiable, relationship. Yes, he had given her smaller kisses, the kind that one would give to a favored sibling. It was always Kodama that pushed those kisses past 'friendly' and into 'mouth-watering'. This kiss, fueled by relief and pure joy, was precisely what he knew she'd wanted all along.

She felt her toes curl, her arms shake, every inch of her body was screaming for her to attempt to shove him into the bed and not let him up for air. And yet, Kodama Horaki mastered herself enough to allow him to set the pace. It ended far too soon, but felt as if it had lasted a lifetime, and when he separated and set her firmly on her feet, she couldn't keep the seductive smile from her face, "You, sir, are a tease."

"I learned from one of the best," Shinji left _who_ he meant as an exercise in doubt for Kodama. He was ecstatic, but he also wasn't yet positive that his own emotions were exactly where she wanted them to be. The kiss had been given as not only a reward, but as a salve for any wounded feelings. He was beyond attracted to her, and had given his word that he'd try to ascertain exactly how he felt. _That means I have to let her be her. And to be Kodama, is to be physically intimate._ He smiled happily, _She doesn't ask me to be anything but me. I owe her that same benefit._

"Hikari needs to get well," Kodama stepped back. "She needs to get well, you need to spend a week testing her birth control, and then we need our turn." He could see that she was struggling against pushing him, and when she pointed to the door, it was not because of anger, "Go see your…girlfriends. You and I will have our date, and I'll think about what you owe me for…for asking a very important question."

Reflexively, Shinji stepped forward and put his hand on her shoulder to apologize once more, "I'm very sorry that I had to ask that, Kodama."

Dropping her shorts, exposing herself, she looked up at him, "Either get out, or get in my bed." He could clearly see which she preferred, "I need to handle a few things, and while I would eagerly accept your assistance, my sister has first claim on you."

Surprised at himself, Shinji leaned down and pulled her into another kiss. _She is a good person. She loves me, and she deserves better._ Slowly drawing away, he felt her struggle to stay in place, "I…I love you, Kodama." Reaching the door, he turned without another word and walked over to the upstairs bathroom to splash some water on his face and try to calm the rising urges he felt.

***** Author's Notes

Martial Arts Master: RE: Trust and the voices.

I personally wouldn't trust any of them. But then again, I'm rather cynical. Shinji's trying to not be that kind of a person, instead utilizing hope to see the world in a more idealistic manner.

Starfire99: A Merry Christmas to you as well. My Solstice celebrations were marred a touch by a string of misfortunes, my luck seeming to hold true to its 'bad' setting. Here's hoping that the New Year grants everyone an opportunity to improve their lot in life.

Martial Arts Master: RE: Blame.

Shinji is undergoing a painful transformation, finding that he's far more capable than he believed and struggling to become what others see him to be. He feels deeply that his return to an earlier point in the timeline makes him alone responsible for its outcome. He's not entirely right, of course. Nor, however, is he entirely wrong. Finding the balance between responsibility and happenstance is part of developing into a leader, and it hurts.


	56. Chapter 56

+++++ 7th Angel + 1: Monday (46)

After calming himself, Shinji walked downstairs to try and soothe another wound he'd helped to create. His t-shirt was a bit rumpled, but it was a lazy day and he tried not to worry about it as he walked out the front door to see if Idunn was still about. The first person he saw was Akane, who noticed the door opening and was already in motion to check on what was needed, "Akane-san," he bowed in greeting.

"You ok, kid?" The agent looked him over while keeping her eyes on the situation around them, "Heard you had a bit of an accident."

"I'm fine," Shinji shook his head. "I tried to meditate in an effort to go to sleep, kind of succeeded, kind of failed." He knew he'd be throwing off his tells, and added something to explain them away without telling the truth, "I think I may have scared Idunn-san."

"More than scared," Akane laughed. "Petrified might be closer. Word is the three women you live with had a tussle, and you got knocked out cold trying to stop the catfight."

"That's ridiculous." _They've actually been incredibly calm, all things considered._ "Kodama herself said that the silly fighting needs to be put aside until Hikari's well again. She doesn't want to put her sister back in the hospital over something stupid."

"Yeah, I kind of figured the message got 'telephoned'. So, you came out to check on your minder?" Akane tossed her thumb in the direction of NERV, "She took off. Self-preservation, I think. She's going to check on the new house, make sure that things are proceeding well. Anything but stay here and tempt getting into a fight with Major Ibuki." Spying movement, she shifted to block access to her principle before relaxing as she recognized the 'intruder', "Ah, if it isn't the walking, talking, anachronism and her husband."

"Suzuka-san, Suzuki-san," Shinji waved in greeting, "are you stopping by to see Hikari-san?"

"Be about your tasks, Kunoichi," Suzuka smirked in greeting to Akane. "I would have words with Shinji-dono before I check on my obligations."

Suzuki nodded collegially to Akane as the agent rolled her eyes and walked off with a smirk of her own. Turning to face Shinji, he pointed to his own left eye, "Have I not told you repeatedly to keep your guard up?"

Recognizing the friendly banter for what it was, Shinji decided to test yet another relationship, "It was a two-on-one, and I'd say that I gave as good as I got. Especially considering they weren't shooting arrows at my back."

"You stand, they do not," Suzuka nodded. "Should it scar, at least it will give you a look of distinction as opposed to shiftlessness." Shinji saw Suzuki wince slightly, purposefully ignoring it. "Is she well? Enough for a visit, I mean."

"It's been…a morning," he danced around the truth as much as he felt comfortable. "I tried something new, it created a bit of confusion with Idunn-san, right now Hikari and Maya should still be in my room talking."

Suzuki lifted an eyebrow, "In your room?"

"Husband," Suzuka interjected quietly, "is it our place to judge?"

"No, dear," he gestured irritatedly, "you know that I'm on your side in that argument. What I'm asking is: has he moved her into his room? If there is to be a wedding soon, would it not be best for us to be informed far enough in advance to make good on our promise to Toshiro?"

"It's temporary," Shinji sighed. "We're moving, soon."

"Let us move this discussion inside," Suzuka gestured to the door, her irritation growing. "Too many questions arise whenever you open your mouth, Shinji-dono. I'd prefer to not stand about while I tease the answers from you."

+++++ 7th Angel + 1: Monday (46)

Shinji had chosen to remain standing, eager to be ready to perform any task that Hikari might require. The entire conversation had been had, to this point, with him resting his hands on her shoulders. "So you see," he finished, "between the security situation, what SEELE is doing, Hikari and Kodama's desire to not live with the echoes of the past haunting them through a room emptied too soon, and Colonel Katsuragi's decision, we don't really have a choice."

"Husband," Suzuka left the question she asked unspoken.

"Already planning." The warrior sat with one arm draped over the back of his chair, frowning at thoughts only he could see, "Once we're done here, I'll need to swing past Gen-san's house. He wouldn't forgive me if I left him out of this."

"We are not without our own ability to address certain issues," the refined swordswoman stated firmly. "Now, as to the other point," she looked to Maya, "I will give you the same warning I gave that one," two fingers indicated Hikari, "a pregnancy during wartime is not something to be incautious over. However, once it does happen, know that the Shirakami will provide the result with love and affection as you do what must be done. So long as you are tied to Shinji-dono and Hikari-chan, you are tied to us. Many of the women of the Shirakami are mothers, and know their business well. We do not judge a woman who wishes to maintain her duties outside the home as well as those within, we assist her."

"We…aren't at that point yet," Maya stifled her blush. "I will not be tempting that fate until they've progressed further."

Suzuka looked to Shinji, a flat edge to her gaze, "You."

"Suzuka-san," Hikari cut in, "second warning. There won't be a third."

Without looking, Shinji knew the exact look on Hikari's face. Grateful that he wasn't the recipient of it, he fought unsuccessfully against his own blush, "Maya, could we show them the recording of the fight?" _Distraction and misdirection._ "I know that it's supposed to be classified, but I wouldn't be standing so tall if they hadn't taught me what they have."

"So long as they don't take a video of it," Maya agreed quickly, reading Shinji's intent. "Here," turning around her tablet, she brought up the composite video feed, "it's been edited together by our bridge crew." Leaving the device where both of the guests could see it, she hit play.

Shinji watched as two masters of their crafts analyzed his performance in Unit-01. The husband and wife before him were unified in their appraisal of Unit-02's section of the engagement, he easily read their disapproval of her tunnel-vision blocking out his advice to attack the orb. They appeared to differ in their opinion on his first actions, Suzuki approved of him engaging only long enough to pull Asuka out, Suzuka disapproved. Suzuki's grimace as Shinji ducked into a roll to avoid being impaled was focused around Unit-02 being left out in the open, Suzuka's irritated eyebrow twitch indicated that she disliked not knowing how he knew the attack had happened.

They united again when he made towards the weapons, approving of the decision to try and gain an advantage over his enemy. "Ha!" Suzuki's grin grew large as Shinji slapped one half of the Angel with the door to the weapons depot before kicking both away, "Improvisation. Well done."

Suzuka kept her eyes moving, shaking her head slightly as she watched Shinji go hand-to-hand against two alien foes, "I do not understand. Why do you not deploy your forces with armaments? You are capable of defying natural laws to such a degree that you can create monstrous machines, would a short sword be so impossible? Even a half-spear would have aided him in this fight."

"Their cores weren't exposed," Shinji answered for Maya. "Even if I had training in using a short sword, it wouldn't have done anything. Typically, cutting into the Angel only slows it down a little. They regenerate far too quickly for me to expect to win by attacking their limbs and torso. The first phase is degrading their defensive A.T. Field, the second phase is finding their core, the third phase is finding a way to destroy that core. Take out the core, take out the Angel."

Suzuki paused the film right as Unit-00 hit the field, "Wait," he raised his eyes to Shinji, "what is this 'A.T. Field', and how is it defensive?"

"That's an entire college course into itself," Maya cut in. "Long story short, it's the barrier between living beings. When Shinji is in Unit-01, he's amplifying the A.T. Field of Unit-01 to cut into the Angel's barrier. Without doing that, nothing would get through to harm it. It works both ways, however, and the Angel attempts to cut through the Field projected by and protecting Unit-01. The dominant Field is, so far, projected by the winner," her gesture indicated Shinji.

Suzuka picked up on Suzuki's point, "So why does only Shinji-dono face injuries in the exact place that his beast suffers them? Why do we not see such markings upon the red-headed waif, or the odd blue-haired girl? It is no defense if he must embrace his foe's attacks to claim victory."

Shinji put his hand on Maya's shoulder, anticipating her contention that they were getting into classified materials, "Maya…I need to trust them with this information. They, and Gen-san, are why I survived this fight one-on-one. We both know how the _original simulation_ of a two-on-one fight went, and we shouldn't _dance_ around things. Their advice and teaching have kept me in the battle, because we haven't been winning at range."

He watched as Maya fought against a number of competing impulses, all undercut with the love she felt for him. Eventually, after several seconds of internal debate, she nodded her approval, "It's because Shinji, unlike the other two pilots, is capable of achieving a synchronization ratio, the emotional and physical unification with his Eva, of over one hundred percent." Looking between Suzuka and Suzuki, she sagged, "And it's getting worse."

Suzuki tapped the table, "Worse how? We can't help him if we don't know what we're facing." Leaning forward, he appealed to her weaknesses, "I know you want him around for a long time, Ibuki-san. The Shirakami, if none other than just the few of us that he deals with most often, want him around longer. Even if he chooses not to join us, simply having a friend that is willing to set an example for everyone we work with is enough to bring out everything we can offer."

"We will hold what you share in the strictest of confidence," Suzuka added calmly. "If you would ask of us a blood oath to seal our word, we will offer it freely." Turning to Hikari, she rolled her hand, "You should tell her, child, that I do not offer such things often."

"She doesn't," Hikari slowly shook her head, reaching over to take Maya's hand. "I know that you only kind of know them, Maya, but as irritating as Suzuka-san can be she's someone I trust wholeheartedly. She's given me advice when I didn't know what to do, she's the reason I felt comfortable in my decision to pursue you, and let Shinji pursue you."

"An act I would never foster," Suzuki shrugged. "For myself, that is. I freely admit my greedy nature."

"You have a wife any man would be jealous of, Suzuki-san," Shinji added with a smile, intending to buy time for Maya to come to a decision. "You are truly fortunate."

"I'll hold you to that," he pointed to Shinji. "When I die, you'll be taking care of her. I can trust someone like you with her."

Shinji laughed, "I doubt she'd need much in the way of care. She could beat the two of us into the ground without blinking."

Suzuki's smile took on a wolfish edge, "She's a joy to watch in a tussle, for sure."

Looking back to Suzuka, Shinji shared his good nature with the willowy woman, "She'll never be without someone to watch her back, Suzuki-san. Not so long as she's content to come to me for help. Good friends are hard to come by, and I'm lucky that all of you were willing to take a risk with me."

"His rate continues to climb," Maya stated, her tone numb. "We've been trying various means to reduce it, but ultimately we don't think we'll be able to stop him from reaching a point that he risks…decohesion." Looking across the table, Maya couldn't summon more than a loose shrug, "At the rate he's climbing, another six or seven Angels and…. It's outside of our models."

Shinji kept his smile in place, he knew that being strong for everyone was the only thing he had to offer, "When I synch with Unit-01, it's like I'm…growing. I'm no longer human-sized. I see what Unit-01 sees, hear what she hears, feel what she feels." Pointing to his eye, he laughed, "That this is the worst I've ended up with is because of everyone's help."

Suzuka's eyes narrowed, "It would be strategically unwise to hold back. Neither of your fellows have shown the capabilities you have, and any plan to solely rely on them would have to include you being ready to deploy on a moment's notice."

"Worse, holding you back may well be the very thing that ends up handing the enemy another two-on-one fight," Suzuki nodded. "I assume that the good Major here is exhausting all scientific avenues of reducing your 'ratio', yes?"

"Every simulation I run, I have to remove half of the limiters because the systems are telling me that what's happening is a literal impossibility," Maya scoffed. "We've stopped asking that he comes in for tests, just in case that exposure adds to the problem! We can't even field him for exercises anymore, for fear of not having him around come time for actual fights."

"Interesting," Suzuki mused, mulling the problem in his head for a bit. "Shinji-san, what is it you feel when you 'synchronize'? Elation? Fear?"

It took Shinji a moment to work up the nerve to admit the truth, "…Peace."

"Spirits help us," Suzuka laughed, a reaction nobody but her husband had anticipated. "Toshiro-kun was right."

"A warrior's spirit in a servant's robes," Suzuki sighed. "Ibuki-san, your problem is you are looking at this situation as if it were the systems he touches. The problem, such as it is, is between his ears."

"A machine designed for war, piloted by a man finally given the approval to unleash his pent-up wrath upon the deserving," the master swordswoman snorted, "what other possible outcome could there be but unity of form and function? When he climbs inside that abomination, he is prepared to finally find the very thing he's all but screamed from the mountaintops he most desires."

Hikari reached back and took Shinji's hand, "Then how do I help him, Suzuka-san?" Having held her tongue for most of the discussion, knowing that there was little she could offer in expertise, she now had her role clearly laid out before her. "If he needs peace, how do I grant it to him?"

"That's a difficult question, Hikari-chan," Suzuki smiled sadly. "Even from an outsider's perspective, I can tell you at least nine things that are causing constant conflicts for him. Setting aside the lack of unity in his combat team, the actions of this SEELE organization, his nearly pious devotion to celibacy, the wars for his affection that have been raging, his fears over the future of the people he cares for, there's the central argument that he's never _known_ peace. I could continue to list the issues he faces and not stop until it is time for our evening meal, but you have to ask yourself what you're willing to try to help, not what needs doing."

Maya frowned, not liking how accurate Suzuki's information seemed to be, "How so?"

"Because a great many of those issues can only be resolved by him doing things she may very well not like." Suzuka tented her fingers, sitting back against her seat, "I do not push him towards marriage, or breaking his abstinence, because I wish him permanently tied to you, child, for he is already that and more. I pressure him because I can see easily that it would be better for him."

Shinji squeezed Hikari's shoulder, asking for her patience, "But…aren't you always the one who says I should only listen to your advice, not take it as the absolute truth?"

"When a doctor prescribes a medication, Shinji-san," Suzuki tried a different approach, "is the doctor not simply giving advice? Listening to an expert opinion must always be done while examining your personal limitations, but ultimately the expert's opinion is given from that position of expertise. I would not presume the pilot of an airplane needs to listen to me regarding aviation, nor expect him to tell me how to best mediate an interpersonal dispute."

Hikari kept her voice even, despite her urge to toss Suzuka out growing bolder, "So why would marrying me be best?"

"Because he won't have to worry anymore," Maya answered instead. Turning her chair, she set herself as a voice of reasoned maturity, instead of as the voice of their girlfriend. "He'll know, through and through, that his path is set. Come what may, he'd be married to you. Everything after that might still be confusing, which is what life is ultimately, but there wouldn't be any more dithering about what you want from him, Hikari." She looked up to Shinji, "He's hesitating because he doesn't want to hurt you. Not because he doesn't know what he wants."

"Every burden removed from him is more peace found," Suzuki spread his hands. "If he marries you, begins his husbandly duties, takes the Major here for a consort, announces to the world that his life is none of their damn business, that's four enormous boulders he can set down. There may be new troubles, but I have not spent the past month teaching an imbecile." He grinned fondly over to the young man blushing down at his feet, "He'll approach those problems differently, because his position has changed. He's not selfish, and would ask two very intelligent young women what they think is best."

"Three," Suzuka corrected. "If the third would stop listening at keyholes." Tapping her sword against the floor, she kept her eyes on Hikari as Kodama slunk into the room, "You accept your sister's place by his side, should he choose it, correct?"

"Suzuka-san," Hikari's gaze became challenging.

"Child, I am going to call in the last of your debts to me." Handing her sword to her husband, she crossed her arms, "You have proven that of any of the Horaki family, it is you that I can trust to carry on the legacy. But you _must_ listen to me when I say that your strengths are the very thing holding your husband back. He chooses his own path, this is good. You, however, do not advise him on the choices he may not see. You allow him to suffer thinking that to do anything else is meddling, and instead of choosing a balance between provoking and tolerating have become an accomplice in creating the chaos that swirls around him."

Hikari began to retort, "He's not-"

"He's your husband," Kodama stepped in. "He's been your husband for weeks now. He hasn't seen it because you haven't claimed it." Shinji could feel the pain radiating from his now second-to-eldest housemate, and reflexively reached over to soothe her suffering. In a move that surprised everyone, she slapped his hand away, "No. I am not going to sit here and pretend Shinji. Suzuka-san is right, Hikari is holding you back."

"All of us want him to be happy," Suzuki moved to help Shinji in keeping the discussion civil. "Hell, if I had a son I can only say I wish he was half the man Shinji-san is. Toshiro begged me to help raise him, thinking that I hated kids." He snorted, "I can't have any because the woman I love, the only woman I'll _ever_ love, just doesn't seem to become pregnant." Gesturing to Kodama, he looked back to Hikari, "If you are fine with her and Shinji having children, say it. If you aren't, then you need to say it. He hesitates to act, to commit, because you've withheld your guidance. As stupid as I am at times, I'm never that stupid. I listen to my wife because she is wise, she listens to me because _she is wise_."

"But…he got there," Hikari countered. "He…he told me this morning he wanted to marry me…but…."

"But he didn't want to if it would stop you from being with me," Maya finished. "Not because he wanted to date me himself, Hikari. Because he is focused entirely on _you_." She let her warmth show through her smile, "I love him for that, but I understand exactly what Suzuka-san is talking about. Shinji is acting on guesswork, and if he had to choose between everyone in this house and you, you'd win without any competition. Think about why he warmed to me so rapidly, instead of the achingly beautiful woman right there." She gestured to Kodama, "When you said to him that he was free to pursue us, or not pursue us, in his mind he had to work through everything you'd ever said. Was it a test? Was it a ploy?"

"And you don't see how insane that is?!" The freckle-faced beauty finally snapped, "One wrong word and I could ruin everything! 'Shinji, I don't really like how Rei's acting lately', and all of a sudden, he's pushing one of his _two_ allies away. 'Shinji, I think we should add more people to the relationship', and he suddenly thinks that I don't love him! A stray comment from me led to him stepping on the teacup that started all of this, Maya. Another stray comment from me damn near sent him running out of the house! I love him so much, but everything I say has to be measured against what it does to him."

"The burdens of marriage are many," Suzuka reached across the table to take Hikari's hand. "Imagine, now, the amount of stress Shinji is under as he calculates everything he does around you without that input. Every fight in which he slays titans, every conversation he has with people who don't know his secrets." Her eyes were soft, her maternal side exposed, "He needs you to share your burdens, to share your desires. It's the only way he'll feel it right to share his own."

Shinji grimaced internally, _I hate it when others understand me better than I understand myself._ He couldn't deny the truth of their words, the choral song the group had produced never once strayed from simple fact. _I can't ask her to do this alone._ "If…." His one word stopped the discussion, all eyes moving to him, "If…I married Hikari," he turned to Maya, "would you understand that I do not mind that you and she…love each other?"

"I don't know for sure if it's love, yet," Maya stated calmly, understanding that Shinji was trying to defuse a situation by shifting the debate to center around what he was doing, or not doing. "But I will forever be happy that you wanted to try and include me in your life, Shinji. Even if it doesn't work, knowing that you were willing to try means that I'm the kind of woman you think is worthy of the woman you love more than the world. That's a powerful compliment."

Suzuka sat back, "And she would have my blessing, for what it's worth, Shinji-dono." She smiled when he glanced her way, "She's raw, but I can see her potential. Were Hikari-chan to have brought her home instead of you, I would not have intervened."

"Shinji," Hikari whispered, "what if I asked you to never speak to anyone but me again?"

"But you wouldn't," he dodged the question, crouching down by her side. "Hikari…I know what you meant earlier when you talked about 'maintaining proprieties'. You pushed me today because you…felt that Maya was what I wanted." Clenching his jaw, he forced down the stammer that was building, "You will never ask me to do something that you yourself wouldn't do. You might want to, you might _need_ to, but you won't." Sending all of the love he felt for her through his eyes, he smiled his hopeful smile, "Because of everything I may doubt, and I doubt almost everything, I don't doubt that you want what's best for me."

"But I don't know what's best for you," tears stood, barely restrained. "All I have is a 'best guess', I'm not as smart as you think I am."

"No," he shook his head, "you're smarter. You're smart enough to know that you don't always know, and when you don't know you hesitate long enough to think about what will happen if you act. I've learned so much just by thinking about what you would do, every time I ponder it the answer is the same. You would use your best judgement, think about the repercussions, and then do what is best for everyone involved instead of what was best for _you_." Reaching up, he wiped a tear away from her cheek, "Because if _you_ did what _you_ wanted, you and I would be married and expecting a child."

"He's not as dense as people assume," Suzuki asserted gently. "A lack of action should never be assumed to be a lack of knowledge." Shaking his head, he sighed, "Ok. So, my professional advice is this: Hikari-chan, you need to be clear about what you want, what you're willing to give, and what you think is best. Remember that there is a difference between giving advice and expecting that advice to be slavishly adhered to. Ibuki-san," he raised his eyebrow to the younger adult in the room, "keep doing what you're doing." His eyes shifted to Kodama, "You, I want to talk to privately. You know as well as I do about what."

Shinji waited for his portion of the advice, surprised when none came, "And what about me?"

Suzuka rolled her eyes, "Shinji-dono, you of everyone here, can be trusted to do what's best for everyone here. The entirety of our discussion here has been convincing everyone else to support you as you need to be supported. We," she gestured between herself and her husband, "cannot know what is best for you to do. Just what you need others to do for you. You've begun to develop the independence you need to do what you feel best, instead of what Hikari asks for specifically. Keep practicing that."

+++++ 7th Angel + 1: Monday (46)

The rest of the day had been taken up by preparing the house for moving. Hikari was placed where she could direct traffic, while also being left alone to contemplate what Suzuka had told her earlier. Kodama, after a quiet conversation with Suzuki, had come to Shinji and said that the topic was regarding the Blue Crane, and that was all she'd tell him. Maya, after seeing Suzuka and her husband off, came back and gave Shinji a warm kiss.

Boxes were filled, items wrapped to prevent breaking, and during all of it Shinji threw himself into the task to not have to think of what everything that had been said meant about him. _I know that I'd do anything Hikari asked me to. I know that's…probably not good. But…isn't that what love is? Putting the other person first, always?_

When Nozomi came home, he volunteered to help the littlest Horaki pack. The three women who loved him romantically accepted his offer, all looking at each other as if they needed time to discuss amongst themselves. Guided up the stairs by the hand, he let his little sister do what she wanted, the one uncomplicated relationship in his life providing him solace.

"Are my nee-san being silly again?" She handed him a stack of neatly-folded shirts, "They had that 'I'm being silly' look."

Shinji smiled, grateful that he didn't have to dance around the topic, "We had a big discussion earlier today. Several, actually, and I think they are all trying to understand what they should do." Packing the shirts around various breakable objects, he kept things vague enough to not be worrying, without being patronizing, "Your aunt came over today, and she and Hikari disagreed over something. But, everyone else agreed with Suzuka-san."

She looked at him dubiously, "Even you?"

"I was…the topic of discussion," he allowed. "My opinion would have been biased. It's very hard to take good advice sometimes, and that's what was given today. So, your nee-san are probably downstairs discussing what to do with the good advice. It would mean changing what they normally do, and that's difficult."

"That is right," accentuating each of the three words with a bunny hop, she delivered more clothes to pack. "But, my nee-san are good people, and they'll do what's right. In the end…eventually." Stopping, she looked to Shinji, her eyes suddenly maturing, "The problem is, Shinji, sometimes it's too late to do what's right. Life doesn't always give us the option to wait, or even to act. Sometimes, we just have to deal with the consequences."

Hearing the voice of her future self speak, Shinji braced himself for dealing with the fallout, "And…that's hard too. Acting, especially when you're not sure what's best to do, can lead to bad places."

"Hesitation is stasis," she shrugged. "Stasis is never what's best."

"We can't change for change's sake, though," he countered quietly. "If I did that, I wouldn't have you in my life."

"Silly Shinji," she laughed. "You'll never be rid of _me_. We're partners, through and through." Walking over and wrapping his neck in a hug, she whispered, "They loved you. They loved you more than anything else, just like they loved me…just like I love you. It's up to us to use that love, to make sure that it's spread to what remains. It isn't just change to share that love, it has a purpose. A point."

Gently cradling her tiny form, he nodded, "Then…it's a good thing I love you too, Nozomi-chan. Because it makes me happy to know I'm not alone." There was a minor hesitation, and she shook slightly in his arms. Pulling back, he looked down and saw that she was blinking owlishly, confused, "It's ok, Nozomi-chan. You just…had another episode."

"O…oh," wobbling, she didn't fight as he moved her to her bed. "Was I mean?"

"No," he smiled confidently. "You told me you loved me."

"That's good," she still had a dubious frown on her face. "I wish I could remember what I said…like Kodama-nee-san."

"Maybe in time." Soothing her back, he hovered nearby to intervene if she collapsed, "You could always just stay my imōto for a while longer, if you don't mind." Grinning, he teased her gently, "No growing up just yet, young miss. I only have one little sister, and I don't want to give her up."

"Silly nii-san," she giggled. "I can't help but grow up. Daddy said all the time, 'Life is growth, Nozomi-chan. Embrace it, set your feet onto its path and be content when you reach your destination, knowing you chose it'." Scrunching up her face, she pushed away the tears that suddenly forced forward, "I know where I'm going. Because it's what I want." Looking back to Shinji, she smiled, her eyes more than slightly moist, "But…maybe I can slow down some. Enjoy getting there."

"I like that idea," picking up a small handkerchief, he dabbed at her eyes. "I like that idea very much."

+++++ 7th Angel + 2: Tuesday (47)

Shinji, still awake despite the rest of the house being asleep, worked quietly in the kitchen to pack. Each item receiving a thorough cleaning, then a careful placement, helping to soothe his worries. Every thought he had led him back to the same basic truth, _I'm not living up to the example I should be setting._ Sighing as he cleaned a stain that had set into a cutting board, he shook his head, _Even Nozomi knows that I shouldn't let others choose my path. Everyone knows this. So why am I still looking to Hikari to make decisions? She told me herself she shouldn't. She spelled it out wonderfully today why she can't!_

Stepping over to the front room, he placed the now full box with its mates, looking towards his room where Maya and Hikari were laying, unconscious. _I keep asking for time. Time to think, time to choose. Time to…stall, to wait for someone else to tell me what to do._ Turning back, he returned to the kitchen and the comfort it provided. _How much did it hurt her to admit to everyone her fear? That she was terrified that she'd ruin everything by guiding me down the wrong path?_

His movements were purposeful, cautiously placing everything to avoid taking his building anger out on the tools that allowed him to feed his family. _Family._ He grimaced, _If I was actually their family, I'd not be…I'd not be making a mess of everything! I'd take charge of my own actions, I'd be a partner instead of a…a whatever I am. A leech!_ Looking down at his hand, he clenched it tightly, _Is it really just a matter of will or won't? I can't be incapable of it, nobody seems to think that but me._

Another box down, another trip to the staging area. _Everything was going fine. Everyone was happy. We had a hiccup, I calmed it down. I doubted their love…._ He paused in the kitchen door, _I took steps to counter that. I chose to do that._ Leaning against the frame, he ran the scenario back through his head, _Kodama said that we can't spend our lives doubting reality. I realized that I had to do something. It was_ my _doubts that were causing the problem, so I…took charge._

A chirp on his phone drew his attention away, and he pulled up the e-mail app, noticing that Misato had finally responded. 'Sure,' she began without preamble, 'you give me her résumé, I'll find a place for her. It may be grunt work, but if she's willing to work I can find a place for her. If she doesn't work out, it'll be on her own merits, though. I won't have you picking up hangers-on and engaging in nepotism, understood? A good leader needs to know when to cut dead weight.'

Shinji grinned, pleased that even when she was being helpful Misato wouldn't tolerate him striving for less than his best. _You, somehow, are now the person I always thought you to be._ He tapped out an affirmative, and then sent a text to Raffle asking to speak to Christie. _It hasn't been two months, and she's now everything I wished she'd been back home…._ He frowned, _No. That's not home. Not anymore. I can't go back there, I can't…I can't_ physically _go back. It's not possible, and even if I could, how could I abandon everyone_ here _to take care of everyone_ there _?_

His phone buzzed, and he noticed that it was an incoming call. Picking it up, he placed it to his ear, "Good morning, Raffle. I hadn't meant to bother you, I'm sorry if I disturbed your sleep."

"No biggie, Pally," she replied quietly. "I'm on nights right now. What's this about, then? Before I commit you to something, I want to know what it is. I can't have your back with half-intel."

"Misato-san agreed to look at Christie's résumé, to find her a place that she can work," Shinji replied quickly. "I want to talk to Christie to let her know that people are eager to help her, if she's willing to trust us to put her in position to succeed." He rolled his hand, "I'm not saying she has to go to work tomorrow, and I doubt Misato's expecting her until she's had a chance to grieve properly, but I want her to know that there's a future out there for her. Give her…I don't know, hope?" Setting his back against the refrigerator, he shrugged, "She was so quick to help me when I needed it when Toshiro-san died, Raffle. Even if it was just cleaning and moving furniture, it was one less thing I had to worry over. And her husband was a good man…one who didn't deserve to die in this damn war. I just want to do what I can to lift her up, because she doesn't deserve to be left down in the mud."

He heard crying begin, a heartfelt grief in the background. Then a beep, and Raffle's voice became louder as she placed the phone to her ear and turned from the other woman in the room, "Sorry, Shinji. I had you on speaker." She sighed, "I wanted to have her hear you unvarnished. You nailed it in one, my friend, I'll work with her on getting something together. If she wants to talk at you, I'll set up a meeting."

His heart hurt for the woman in the background, "Is she ok? I mean…other than the obvious."

"World's always a brighter place when someone capable has your six, Paladin," Raffle replied confidently. "You keep being you. I'm going to do what I can to get her to sleep some. Give Light a kiss for me, yeah?"

"Of course," Shinji nodded. "And…Noelle?"

"Hmm?"

"…I love you too."

"Damn right you do," he could hear her grin. "G'night."

When the line went dead, Shinji looked back at the room around him. _I did that._ He turned to look out through the window, to the darkened world outside, _I chose to do something. I engaged. I made it right._ He felt the caution grow bolder, the knowledge that not everything would work out well whispering dark murmurs into his ears. _No_. He clamped down on his anxiety, _I can't let failure stop me. I'll fail. Everyone fails. Misato failed, but look at her now!_

Beginning the packing once more, he smiled grimly, _I'm done hesitating. I'm going to engage._ His smile turned to a grin, _And I know just where to start._

+++++ 7th Angel + 2: Tuesday (47)

Breakfast was waiting for everyone when Shinji went to wake them one at a time. Nozomi was the easiest to rouse, a brief tickle, and a shushing sound to stop her from screaming in glee, and the youth was up and ready to go. Her energy recuperated, he sent her to her bathroom to get cleaned up for the morning meal. As he watched her move with a new appreciation for what she'd given him during his time in her home, he warmed with the knowledge that she would always fight for him. Inspiring him to give her someone to look up to confidently.

Next, he crept into Kodama's room. Stepping around to the far side of her bed, he gently brushed her hair from her face, cupping her jaw and pressing his lips to hers. As her breathing rapidly changed, becoming a conscious action instead of the unconscious autonomic, he deepened the kiss. After holding it for a long enough time that he felt would convey his gratitude, he slipped back, "Good morning. Breakfast is ready downstairs, once you're awake."

He would have had to have been blind to not see that it was love standing in her eyes as she stretched sensuously. Sitting up, propping herself upright with her hand, she displayed her form to devastating effect, "Good morning to you too, Baby. What's got you all…perky, this morning?"

He contemplated answering in any number of ways, and decided on the most honest one, "The love of a great many good women." Leaning forward again, he hugged her tightly, "I realized that I was not being the man all of you deserve me to be, and I wasn't getting anywhere that I wanted to go with what I was doing." Inhaling deeply, he shivered in joy at her scent, "Have I ever told you that I love how you smell like honey? It suits you beautifully."

"Mmmm," she purred, "Shinji…you either get out of my room or into my bed."

Laughing, he let her go and stepped back to tap her nose, "I still have to wake up Maya and Hikari. I don't want everything growing cold." With a grin, he dodged a swipe of her pillow, "I love you too, Kodama. I'll see you downstairs." Hurrying out into the hallway, he pretended not to hear the cry of victory from behind him as he followed Nozomi towards the dining room. "What do you think, Nozomi-chan, should I surprise Hikari, or let her decide for herself?"

Pausing at the base of the stairs, she announced her decision with a nod, "Let her decide. If you surprise her, she might not like it. We need to keep Hikari-nee-san's stress down."

"A fair point," Shinji nodded agreeably. "Why don't you work on dishing everyone up. Be careful of the stove, mind."

"Hai!" Stepping off lively, she put on her little apron, one Shinji'd bought for especially for her on one shopping trip, before she began to carefully turn off the pots and pans to manipulate everything into place.

 _What will happen to Nozomi?_ He set his jaw, _That was a well-chosen question Maya asked. I have to be better, for her most of all._ Moving to his own room, now co-opted by the women asleep within it, he slipped in as quietly as he could manage. Dropping slowly to his hands and knees, he crept over to where Hikari slept with Maya curled around her back. _That is a great deal of beauty in a single place._ He mentally laughed, _My bed, to be exact. If Toji or Kensuke knew that…it was his choice to lose control._ Sealing off another bit of his anxiety, he let it float away, _I didn't steal her. She's not a belonging. She chose, and it wasn't him._

Altering his plan at the last moment, he stood back up and set up his cello. Sliding the door to his room open to dampen the noise and let in the scents of breakfast, he quickly sat down in his seat and began to play Bach's 'Cello Suite No. 1'. Keeping the volume to a non-startling level, he let his eyes linger on the women as they woke to the world.

Maya's eyes were faster, and she went from surprise to wonder to adoration rapidly. Hugging Hikari, she helped soothe their girlfriend's waking, "Our man has a flair for the dramatic, it seems."

Slowly blinking her eyes open, the Light of Shinji's world smiled broadly, "He's a closet romantic."

While talking and playing were rarely skills he combined successfully, he let his confidence guide him, "I just felt that perhaps I should greet such loveliness as I found this morning with something more fitting than a brutish shake or a spoken word." Letting his smile play about his lips, he increased the volume a touch, "Had I all the time in the world to linger properly at the task, I still wouldn't be able to do justice to the sight I was gifted." Breaking off the song at the end of a bar, he laughed, "It's a nearly nineteen-minute piece, I didn't really think it through." Setting his cello aside, he stood, "Breakfast is ready. Nozomi-chan is dishing us up, so when you're ready."

As he walked out of the room, he heard Maya whisper something about 'mood' and heard Hikari giggle. _I need to get out of the habit of doom and gloom. There is too much damn tragedy in life already, I can't add to it anymore._ Rubbing his hands together, he called out to his 'assistant', "Nozomi-chan, what can I do to help?"

Her call back was quick, "I need to get the tea served!"

Putting himself into his work, he let Nozomi take the lead and acted to support what she set herself to. It was another several minutes before Kodama came downstairs dressed for the day, and longer still before Maya pushed Hikari out of their shared bedroom to the table. By the time everyone was present, breakfast had been served expertly and Nozomi was feeling proud of herself.

"So," he began after everyone had been given a chance to eat some, "we have several things that need doing. However, I wanted to still accomplish some things myself. If I dole out tasks, can I beg indulgences for later favors?" He set an easy smile about his lips, trying to keep any pressure from the request.

"Shinji," Maya began slowly, "what did you get into last night after we went to bed?"

Hikari reached over and took their girlfriend's hand, "Not that we're complaining, mind…just…this isn't what I would have expected to follow yesterday."

"Last night?" He moved the question towards the literal, "Well, Christie-san, Toggle's wife, will be given a chance to work at NERV. Misato agreed to look over what she is capable of, and try to find her someplace that she can put those skills to good use. It means that she won't be forced to live on whatever savings he left her, and it means that she can feel like she has purpose. I know it helped around here, after everything." He helped Nozomi with a section of fish that wasn't cooperating with her chopsticks, "I was able to get a lot of packing done in the kitchen, too."

"That isn't quite what they meant, Baby," Kodama smirked. "But it was a nice attempt at evasion."

"Well," Shinji quoted, "I've been told 'nothing draws attention like evasive action', and maybe I just wanted everyone to pay attention." Ruffling Nozomi's hair, he shrugged, "I'm in a good mood. I managed to help someone, I've realized a number of things that I should have realized sooner, and I'm going to begin as I intend to proceed." Turning to face Hikari, he tilted his head, "So. If I ask you to do something, can I do a favor for you later?"

"You can ask me to do anything, Shinji," she smiled fondly. "You know that."

"But it is rude to assume," he flicked his eyes towards Nozomi, making his point silently. "I don't want to be rude."

"That is a fair statement," Maya agreed calmly. "If you need me to do something, I'll always have something I need doing in return Shinji."

"Fair enough," Hikari nodded. "What can I do, then?"

"I want you and Maya to go have a day of relaxation." Pulling out his phone, he showed the account he'd had set up when he first moved in, "I made an appointment at the local day spa. The two of you are going to _relax_ ," he looked sternly between them. "Let them pamper you, use the house account to pay for it and I'll move money back over from my account afterwards. We can afford it, easily, and everyone has been far too wound up."

"Shinji," Hikari began, "we ha-"

"No," he cut in firmly, maintaining his calm tone. "I've arranged transportation with Akane-san, I've arranged to have Maya's work shuffled to her subordinates long enough to simply analyze what's present, and I've made the appointment. I _insist_ that you two go and be pampered."

Maya looked at him appraisingly, "Then what will you be doing?"

"I am going to take Kodama and Nozomi-chan to visit Sakura-chan. Sakura-chan and Nozomi-chan will be doing an art project today with Suzuhara-san, who I arranged to have a day off to spend with his daughter. Once I spend a little time with Sakura-chan, Kodama and I are going to go see about some clothes for me." Lifting his arm, he showed that his sleeve rode up a lot further than it normally did, "Either I've lost my touch with laundry, or I'm still growing."

"Ick," Kodama reached over and measured out the distance with her fingers, "you're growing, Baby. I hoped that the clothes we got you would last a little longer, though."

Hikari had a dozen questions in her eyes, but chose to simply state, "If that will make you happy, dear."

"Your happiness is my happiness," he replied evenly. "Just as my happiness is yours. If I never find what makes me happy, then I'll never know that you are happy, will I?"

Her reply was measured, "You've given this some serious thought."

"I think you'll be pleasantly surprised," he grinned. _Because I might die inside if you're not._

+++++ 7th Angel + 2: Tuesday (47)

Giving a farewell kiss to Hikari after settling her in the car, he stepped clear to let Mikoto close the door. Turning to hug Maya, he whispered in her ear, "I know you know what I'm doing. Thank you."

"I'm supporting you, Shinji," she squeezed his shoulders. "I meant every word I said. Winning your hearts or not, I'm by your side."

Picking her up, he kissed her publicly. Setting her down, he turned to Mikoto, "Keep them safe, Mikoto. Please." Leaving off the honorific, he hoped that the Agent understood that he wanted to become closer to everyone, and not that he'd suddenly become rude or demanding.

"Don't worry, sir," the agent responded with a grin and a cuff to his shoulder. "I have enough security with me today to hold half of the city. Anything happens, I'll probably murder that half." Helping Maya move to her seat, she left her partner to ask the obvious.

"So," Akane looked between him and the car, "that finally happened?"

"I am a weak man," he admitted honestly. "When the woman I love more than life itself fell in love with another woman I very easily could have loved first…." Shaking his head, "I only hope that Hikari doesn't come to regret loving me."

"No sane woman would, kid," Akane took his elbow. "In this batshit insane world, I say you take love where you can find it."

"Keep them safe, Akane," he pled. "My world is in that car."

"Enjoy yourself," she patted his cheek. "I'm the one trusting my world to those troublemakers in the Shirakami. Anyone attacks you, and I'll have to answer for it."

His face hardened, "Anyone attacks me, and they won't survive it." _I am not going to let anyone threaten the people I love._ Nodding, he turned back to the house, "You know the plan. I'll see you tonight."

As soon as he crossed the threshold back into the Horaki home, he turned and caught Nozomi as she slid down the bannister, "You know," he laughed as he set her on his hip, "Hikari would be cross with you if she saw you doing that again."

"That's why I didn't do it while she was here," Nozomi stage-whispered.

"Fair enough," he reached where Kodama was putting the finishing touches on an e-mail to her work. "Are you ready to go, or do you need more time?"

"I'm fine," standing, she proved his faith correct in her wardrobe choice. Instead of attempting an overt seduction again, she went with a covert style. Every curve was accentuated, flattered, but ever-so-slightly hidden. The jeans she wore stood split-complementary to the short-sleeved blouse and vest combination, and everything tied together charmingly with the dolphin hairclip he'd gifted her. "I just wanted to let Temple-san know where I'd left the reports. She's had me working from home, for obvious reasons, and I had to file paperwork indicating how you two are doing."

"She's a good woman," Shinji stepped clear of the path to the door. "I wish I had someone like her around…before."

Stopping as she passed to press a kiss to his lips, Kodama shook her head, "Don't. You're doing great, let's keep moving forward." Swaying her hips as she walked away, she let Shinji watch what she was offering.

"Your nee-san is right," he whispered to Nozomi. "I had a bit of a slip up there."

"It's ok," Nozomi patted his back. "Accidents happen. That's why we have family."

Carrying his precious cargo out of the house, pausing so that Kodama could slide on Nozomi's shoes, Shinji nodded to Jake and Nicolette, "Is everything ready up at the hospital?"

"Bit of a snag getting Mister Suzuhara to accept his boss' decree that he was going to be paid for not working," Nicolette chuckled. "But once we had him speak to little Sakura on the phone, he gave in."

Jake held the door open for Nozomi to be placed in the car, "That little lady is going to be in charge of whatever relationship she seeks, let me tell you. Perfect balance between wheedling and guilt-tripping and she's not even out of elementary."

Nozomi smiled, "I taught her everything I could." Shifting to buckle herself in, she adjusted her skirt, "She'll be happy to see you again, nii-san."

Offering Kodama his hand, Shinji helped her into the car, "I'm sorry that I haven't been up more often."

The eldest Horaki shook her head, "You've been busy. It's not like the world is just going to save itself." Buckling in, she put her arm over Nozomi's shoulders, "Isn't that right, Sprout?"

"Hai!" She patted the seat to her other side, "Come on, nii-san. Let's go!"

Stepping clear once again, Shinji waited for Jake to shut the door before speaking, "Everything she could."

"It's hard on us men-folk," Jake drawled. "Having to walk around at the mercy of our little sisters."

+++++ 7th Angel + 2: Tuesday (47)

The room looked more lively than Shinji remembered. The permanently assigned agents professional, but approachable. The nurse on loan from NERV far more expressive and exuberant than the staff he'd interacted with. There were decorations in the room now, showing signs of having been there for some time, and it seemed that Sakura herself had improved a great deal.

When the star of the day caught sight of Shinji, a huge smile broke out on her face, "Daddy! You didn't tell me he'd be here too!"

The Suzuhara patriarch laughed fondly, "I wanted it to be a surprise, Sakura-chan." Bowing to Shinji, he let his gratitude show through his kind gaze, "Thank you for coming, Ikari-san."

"No, no," Shinji waved off the formality. "Please, just Shinji. With everything that's happened, I think we can all agree that keeping things informal has been earned." Crouching down by the bed, he lowered his voice to just be heard by Sakura herself, "I'm very sorry that I couldn't visit more often, Sakura-chan. I see that you're doing much better, though."

Looking to the nurse, a matronly woman that practically exuded kindness, Sakura shook with youthful enthusiasm, "Can I show him?"

"Cautiously, my dear," shifting over she gestured for Shinji to stand back. Offering her hand to Sakura, she added her leverage to what followed. "Remember, always keep your knees unlocked."

Sliding her legs out, the youngest Suzuhara slowly stood from her bed. She wobbled, and Shinji braced himself to intercede, but she managed to take a trembling step, then another. On the third, she almost stumbled and was surprised when she was wrapped in an enormous, gentle, hug, "Oh!"

"That's fantastic, Sakura-chan!" Holding her still, as if cradling the finest porcelain, he settled back on his haunches, "You're making fantastic progress! I'm so proud of you!" Looking up to the nurse, he flicked his eyes back to the bed, not wanting the patient to risk 'showing off'.

"Let's sit back down," the woman agreed with a subtle nod. "We don't want to use all our energy up when we have a wonderful art project to do, do we?" Cooperating with Shinji, she helped Sakura back into her bed, "If we keep practicing, little by little, we can make our goal of walking unassisted before the next school year, isn't that right?"

Her father gave Shinji a look of unyielding gratitude, "All thanks to you, Shinji-san."

"No," Shinji deflected the credit firmly. "It's all because of Sakura-chan's hard work. She's persisted through very trying circumstances, she's not given up hope. In a little over a month she's gone from thinking she may never walk again to standing tall. That's tremendous, and it is all because of her spirit."

"I think, maybe," Kodama hugged into his side, "we can take a little from both columns and still have it be true."

"My nii-san doesn't like it when people praise him," Nozomi said, climbing up into her spot in the now-larger bed beside her best friend. "It makes him feel uncomfortable, and so he deflects praise to other people trying to make them feel good."

"Why don't we start," the nurse read Shinji's mood and helped him corral the situation. "It's going to take us all day to finish, and we don't want to be up _too_ late." Looking to the clock, she nodded, "We have plenty of time to make progress before lunch. And since today is special, I asked that your favorite be made today, Sakura-chan."

Shinji smiled as the two little girls cheered, Nozomi tempering her cheers to match Sakura's, as the stricken young lady couldn't be as enthusiastic physically. Catching the elder Suzuhara's eye, he nodded, accepting that the father would want to have a quick talk with him. Squeezing Kodama, he asked for her to spend some time with Sakura before moving over to a corner where he could speak without being overheard. "How are you doing, Suzuhara-san?"

"Please, Shinji-san," the man shook his head holding up his hand, "if I am to call you by name, I ask the same of you. Yasuji Suzuhara, if you wouldn't mind, just Yasuji."

"Yasuji-san, then," Shinji bowed, accepting the exchange as fair. "How are you doing? I'm grateful that you took me up on my offer today."

"Hard not to, when my boss said he'd fire me if I offended his boss' boss' boss' boss." He counted off on his fingers, "I think I have that right."

"I'm not anyone's boss," Shinji laughed politely. "I'm barely in a leadership position with the pilots, let alone in control of them." Looking over to where Sakura was animatedly showing Kodama something, he smiled, "I just asked if it was possible to give you more of a chance to be with Sakura-chan. You work very hard; if what I read this morning was correct, you've outpaced production expectation for your section by over thirteen percent. That's a credit to your ethic, Yasuji-san, and I just asked that you be given an opportunity to see the little girl you're working so hard for."

The man hesitated, seeming to search for something in Shinji's bearing, then placed a hand on Shinji's back to turn him away from the scene before them, "Shinji-san…I beg your pardon here, but I need to be honest with you."

"Of course," his mind immediately assumed that things needed changing, or something needed doing, "what can I do to help? Is there something that Sakura-chan needs?"

"No, no," Yasuji sighed, shaking his head. "Shinji-san, do you truly not see that you've assumed a leadership position in NERV?" Reading the look of confusion accurately, he grimaced, "Of course you don't. It's why you're who you are." Pulling out his phone, he sought through a group chat, holding up a segment for Shinji to see, "My workmates, every one of them, have begged me to ask you to intervene in a labor dispute."

"…Labor dispute?" Reading over the texts, he found one person who made an impassioned argument for changing the rotation of shifts to move 'backwards' instead of forwards. Her contention being that going from nights to mornings over the course of a weekend was eating up one out of every three weekends, preventing her from spending time with her grandchildren. If they reversed the shifts, she explained, they would go from mornings to nights, and the weekend would be longer.

He handed the phone back to Yasuji, walking over to the calendar and working through the math. The schedule compression made sense, from the worker's perspective. It meant that instead of two periods of fifty-six hours off, and a period of thirty-two hours off, they'd have two periods of forty hours off, and a period of sixty-four. "Isn't that just preference?" He frowned, "It's the same number of hours off, every three weeks. You have one hundred and forty-four hours, it's just the breakdown that's different."

"Right," Yasuji nodded, "but in that period of thirty-two hours, I have to compress everything I'd hope to do. By spreading out the pain," he tapped the calendar on the two days that would be forty hours, "I can adjust my sleep schedule easier over sixty-four hours without losing out on time with Sakura-chan. Or Hitomi-kun can spend time with her grandsons. They contracted some company that says they used 'statistical analysis' to optimize the schedule for 'the workers benefit'," he shook his head. "Load of hogwash. Not a one of us likes it, not even the leads."

Shinji nodded, seeing the reasoning spelled out better. "Ok. Uhm…." He reached for his phone, dialing Misato's number, "One second." Waiting for the line to connect, he grinned when his guardian answered the way she did.

"Hooooneyyyyy," Misato puled into the phone, "you said you were taking the day ooooofffff."

Laughing warmly, happy that the lavender-haired warrior was in such a good mood, he played along, "Well, you know how work is. You try to leave it there, and it just follows you along like a lost puppy."

"Don't I know it," she groaned. "So, what's wrong? You need advice on the style, or is this just a pep-talk?"

"Actually," he braced himself, "I was hoping to ask you a question…but I need someone to do some fact-finding for me. I don't want to put anyone on the spot, and someone I trust is telling me that people are unhappy at work. The problem is," he was cut off by the tactical genius swooping ahead of him.

"You don't have a staff," she concluded. "Shinji, you realize that you _are_ in a leadership position, right? We just haven't given you a staff because you haven't wanted one."

"Well…I'm the lead pilot," he stated blandly. "I don't know how 'leadership' I'd call that, Misato." He saw Yasuji's eyes widen, a slight panic building, "Uhm…hold on." Shifting the phone away from his head, Shinji made a soothing motion, "This is my guardian. She asked me, specifically, to bring things like this to her. I trust her, and I do not believe that she'll make a decision for or against you just because you came to me. She's fair…tough, but fair."

"Butter me up, Honey," Misato cooed. "Who are you talking to?"

"I'm not saying," Shinji rolled his eyes at her tease. "They came to me, in private, trusting that I would listen. You are my guardian, but you are also the Sub-Commander. I can see very easily from their perspective the position that puts everyone in." Nodding as Yasuji relaxed slightly, he continued, "So…I need someone I can trust to be thorough, but not judgmental. Someone that answers to me, and _not_ to you."

The pause over the line soon became pregnant, and it was a span of several seconds before she responded, "You _have_ thought about this, haven't you?"

"Misato," he rolled the dice, "I love you dearly. You are someone I trust, and I've told everyone I can as much. However, I can't ask everyone that all of you say looks up to me to trust you. They want to trust _me_. I want to give them a chance to share their problems, I want to do what I can to help…but I need a Lieutenant Chambers. I don't want _power,_ because there will be times that the people asking for things are wrong, or will lie to me, or attempt to mislead me. But you and everyone else is right, I have that power, like it or not." He grinned, "So I need help wielding that power."

Misato's serious voice came out, "You understand that any changes to the way things work always go through me, right?"

"Naturally," he shrugged. "I won't bring every idea that someone discusses up to you," he looked to the clock. "But the ones that make sense? The ones that I think will help us succeed? You told me yourself that you want me to speak up if I see something we can do better in the field. You also know, like I do, that we only succeed in the field if we succeed before we deploy."

Her tone remained neutral, "And you understand that when things succeed, your name will be attached to it?"

"I'd rather give credit to the people that thought of the idea," he hedged.

"Leadership doesn't work that way," she disagreed. "The rank-and-file has great ideas, but no power. You have both. When you take their ideas and make them work, you get the credit. Because when you take their ideas and they fail? You take the blame." Her voice warmed slightly, "I know you, Shinji. You won't blame anyone else for failure but yourself. That's why I mentioned success."

"We'll…work out a plan to reward successful ideas," he bartered cautiously.

"Bring up your thoughts when we have dinner," she offered. "I'll listen. Just like I know you will." He heard a door open in the background, "I have to go, Honey. I'll find you a Lieutenant Chambers, you enjoy your evening. Give Hikari smooches for me!"

When the line went dead, he nodded to himself, _I can do this._ Pocketing his phone, he gave a commiserating look to Yasuji, "She's probably the most brilliant, infuriating, chaotic woman I know. But, if I had my back to the wall, there's nobody I'd rather have fighting in my corner." Looking up to the clock again, he sighed, "I wish I could stay, but I have a lot to do. I need you to do me a favor."

Yasuji quickly pulled out a notepad, "Anything you ask, Shinji-san. What can I do?"

"Put together a written proposal," he thought about the situation like it was a school report. "Explain what it is you want changed, get everyone that's willing to support this to sign it, and then send it to me through the agents that protect Sakura-chan. I trust them to be neutral, and they won't do more than make sure it's not a death threat or anything silly like that." He looked to Jake, who nodded, "They'll get it to me, and I'll bring it up to Misato-san. She'll help me figure out what to do next. If it's something that will improve productivity and happiness? I think we'll all win."

+++++ 7th Angel + 2: Tuesday (47)

"A Lieutenant Chambers?" Noelle frowned, watching Misato set her phone down, "Why on Earth would Pally want a Navy officer?" Sitting down on Misato's sofa, she kept the arranged meeting of Shinji's Secret Support Staff informal.

"He wants an EA," Misato corrected. "Yasuji Suzuhara approached him with something that he feels will improve his section, somehow, and Shinji was being cautious. He wants to vet the idea before he brings it up to me, but recognizes that he doesn't have the time to do everything he's being asked to do _and_ act as a committee head."

"Sweet Baby Jesus, the boy's learning," Raffle laughed.

Idunn's entrance coincided with the pilot's statement, "What's he done now?" The red-headed agent eyed her off-and-on friend's feet, which were currently up on the table, "Sorry I'm late, I had to make a few alterations to the security detail on Ibuki and Hikari." Sitting in one of the side chairs, she rubbed a sore spot along her neck, "More traffic than we anticipated."

Leaving her boots where they were, Noelle grinned, "Paladin's chosen to take a more active hand in the leadership around here. Our man's growing by leaps and bounds, ain't he?"

"Considering what we were planning on asking him to do," Misato moved to take her own seat amongst the gathering, "I'd say this was fortunately timed." Tossing a bag of cookies over to Iðunn, then another over to Noelle, she leaned back into her seat, "We can kill two birds with one stone. Finding someone that will gather information to spread psy-ops, while also acting as an executive assistant."

Tugging open her bag, Iðunn frowned, "I'm not thrilled with the idea of spying on him. He took his father's actions _very_ hard, and we risk losing his trust entirely if we do the same."

"We won't be spying," Raffle waved away the topic. "Everything we report to the public will be done _in public_. That's why the three of us were chosen to do this, Idi."

"I wanted you in on this for that reason, Haraldson," Misato stated plainly. "I need people that want him safe to be in control of what we share out. Filling a full-time position with _just_ work on PR would give them far too much time to become invasive. Splitting their time between helping Shinji develop into a leader and selling his brand to the world at large? I think the three of us can agree that's a good plan."

"My agents report that he's been…almost aggressive, today. Confident, commanding…but not in a way that indicates anything worrying." Idunn munched on one of her cookies, "It doesn't fit well with him collapsing yesterday."

"He didn't collapse," Misato shrugged. "I asked Maya, she said that he tried to meditate. He ended up relaxing because Hikari was sitting in his lap doing rhythmic breathing with him." Grinning, she scrunched her nose, "Those two are adorable."

"Speaking of…." The typically stoic lead agent darkened, "Have either of you found out why Ibuki is so…rude? Angry? I've tried to ask her, and she blows me off."

"Personality conflict, most likely," Raffle shrugged, chewing slowly. "Have to admit, you're a fair hard woman to get a read on from time to time. You seem angry when you're not. You seem intense when you're not. Just got one of them faces."

Misato took the question seriously, "Is it interfering?"

"I wanted to get him checked out," Idunn offered. "With everything going on, a head wound, his stress, another fight where he didn't get the support we promised, it's a lot to ask of anyone. People seem willing to forget that he's just a teenager, because he looks like a defenseman."

"He's not…a normal teen," his guardian stated quietly. "A normal teen hasn't killed people, they don't stand toe-to-toe with terrifying monstrosities. We 'forget' that he's a teenager because he's a combat veteran." Looking over to Raffle, who'd been there when Shinji experienced his first human kills, she asked for a sanity check, "Can you honestly say that I'm wrong? He's been forced to mature, it's been by failure after failure of the 'adults', but he's not a teenager."

"You know I agree with you, Tits," Raffle shook her head. "Idi has a point in that we should be cautious with his health. He's pushing the redline hard, and he does have energy for days, we just need to be certain that we're not adding to his woes." Looking back to the redhead, she gestured with a cookie, "I'll talk at Maya for you. I'm nice and neutral in her mind, if she's got a nark on for you I'll suss it out."

Author's note:

Starfire99: RE: "Sensei".

Chapter 8 - +++++ 3rd Angel + 6: Thursday (7)

During his discussions with Shinji, where he eased him into accepting being moved into the Horaki's home, Kozo did not report the full depth of Shinji's abuse. He was speaking in a room with, to his eye, three other children plus Shinji himself. Shinji knew what he'd survived, and Kozo wasn't about to spell out the abuse in obscene detail as it would be unnecessary to do so beyond the basics for the conversation to continue.

Between +++++ 3rd Angel + 2: Sunday (3), where Gendo says, ("More than you know, Professor. My son has proven my actions right, and that is a balm for a wound I thought would never begin to heal." He lifted his glasses, gently rubbing his eyes, "Remind me to send something sufficiently grateful to our friend in Nagano. He may yet have succeeded where I would have only failed."), and the meeting earlier in Chapter 7 +++++ 3rd Angel + 6: Thursday (7) between Gendo and Kozo, the team sent out to praise Shinji's 'Sensei' discovered and reported the truth.

That report is referenced obliquely several more times through the story by Misato, Maya, and Ritsuko, but never fully spelled out because detailing graphic child abuse from multiple witnesses isn't my bag. This all, however, takes place because Gendo didn't truly _want_ to know about Shinji beyond (Has pulse: Y/N?). Re-read the quote above, and you see that this Gendo actually loves his son. He needed him pliant, submissive, and ready to die. He wasn't, however, able to create that child himself. He looks at him and sees Yui, and that is more painful than he was willing to accept while he pressed on with Project E. Could he have done more? Yes. Should he have done more? Yes. He didn't, in both Canon and my FF, and it kicked him in the nuts both times. Gendo is a master at his craft, but his Achilles' Heel has always been Shinji.

He needed to believe in his heart that Shinji was fine, so he accepted falsified reports from the Sensei as truth. The man he trusted with Shinji wasn't a moron, and knew that if he admitted that Shinji had been accidentally killed during a punishment, he would soon die as well. If he tried to run away, he'd just be tracked down and killed after being tortured for intel. So he lied more. He was already lying, why not lie harder and buy himself some time? Panicked people do stupid things, guilty people do even dumber things. Those agents of Gendo never needed to see Shinji, because it would give away the ghost to Shinji himself. They contacted Sensei, Sensei fed them data, received money, everyone wins.

Until, of course, it comes time for Sensei to produce a Shinji Ikari. His panic led to silence, no letter back explaining that Shinji was dead. He instead spent several days plotting an escape from Japan. This was the pause into which Lilith inserted Shinji into this world, while removing the entirety of the dead Shinji. When Misato shows up to where she had been told by Sensei Shinji would be, everyone assumed the deal had been fulfilled. When Sensei received a letter thanking him, he relaxed, thanking his good fortune.

Until, of course, the agents that showed up to deliver Gendo's gratitude began to ask questions about how Shinji lived of the locals. The police in Post-Second Impact Nagano had been paid off to ignore Sensei and Shinji; any and all reports to them from the citizenry were dutifully placed in the round filing bin labeled 'recycle'. If someone tried to break into Sensei's house, Sensei would report it and it would be handled. If someone said Sensei was beating Shinji? That wasn't their concern. Corruption is ever a very real problem, and Gendo paid handsomely. The citizens, however, were appalled at how Shinji had been treated and were finally given a willing 'official' audience.

It was a perfect storm, which is why Lilith chose this world. The police didn't care, they were paid not to. Sensei killed this world's Shinji, leaving no potential for a dual-existence paradox. Erasing a corpse is far simpler than erasing a living being or overwriting it, for her. The Agents discovering that Shinji had been abused by interviewing family after family allowed Gendo to suffer for what he's done to her, and nobody would believe that Shinji had died without evidence. The evidence of which is now completely erased from existence. Sensei isn't going to admit he killed him, and even if he claimed to who'd believe him? Shinji's there, kicking asses and discovering names post-mortem. Sensei's best play is to simply shut the hell up and hope.

I chose not to spell this out in the story, instead leaving it vague, because it would have required a serious "As you know" conversation between two characters. Each treatment I gave drifted far too close to details I didn't want to put to paper, and so I decided that the audience could survive with the clues spread through the story. It's good enough for Anno-san (see the Precursor race and the Black and White moons in NGE canon), so it's good enough for me.

As an aside, I won't often go into this much detail in an answer. I did here because I don't ever intend to cover it in story, for the reasons above. Eight hundred-ish words explaining a minor plot point that ultimately impacts nothing in the story beyond a character nobody will ever interact with is a waste of space, to me. The complex answer I provided could just as easily be reduced to "Because Gendo's an idiot dragon; See: canon." Some mystery helps a story live, because knowing everything makes things less scary, or less intense. Ultimately, I prefer to believe my readers are geniuses (instead of the common mistake of thinking them idiots) who can come up with the correct answer, or their own preferred answers to these details.


	57. Chapter 57

+++++ 7th Angel + 2: Tuesday (47)

"Individually, they don't seem to be anything important," General Benoit sat once more across from Gendo. "But when you pair them like so," tapping a button, he set a display to melding a series of messages that they'd intercepted from MAGI servers to various points worldwide. "Humorously," he continued as the man he addressed seemed unruffled, "this stopped twenty-six hours before the last attack."

"We've spoken of petty details," the former Commander replied smoothly. "This is one of the pettier details, General."

The Frenchman sat back, considering his words for several seconds before trying something new, "You could work with us, you know. After everything I've learned here, I see that you were never acting against mankind's best interests. A little too fixated on the tragic loss of your wife near to a decade and a half ago, but you _were_ attempting to put your son in a position to succeed."

Gendo laughed wryly, "What makes you think I'm working against you, Philip?" Gesturing to the display, he smirked, "You will never have the evidence you need to resolve all of these bad actors. For all your faith in the vaunted legal system of the New UN, you're blind to the holes cut skillfully into its net by the very people that set it up. I have not," he tapped the table firmly, "even once, attempted to eliminate one of these…cancers, when I knew that you could arrest and try them properly."

"You are not God, sir," the elder officer stated plainly. "You do not get to judge these men and women, and you certainly do not get to execute them, regardless of their crimes."

"Even those attempting to murder your son?" Reaching over, the former Commander of NERV opened a new file on the display. "Rene LeBlanc," a video began to play, "lifelong friend of your son." Sitting back once more, he casually observed his 'interrogator'.

General Benoit watched, a cold hand gripping his heart, as he saw an uncorrupted video of the recent attempted murder. He had known it had occurred, his son not shy about informing him, but the two men that were captured never gave up the identity of their third accomplice. When the surveillance cameras went down, the security team responded as they were trained to. He saw his son warmly embracing the return of his wife alongside his 'friend', the doctor animatedly describing her trip from Tokyo to Paris. His grandchildren dancing about, happy for the return of their mother.

A car sped into the frame, windows down. The barrel of an automatic weapon came to bear, and at the same instant the security team's driver rammed his vehicle into the would-be assassins, sending the shots wide. Both Vivienne and Philip VI, each a trained military officer, reacted instead as any parent worthy of the title would. Diving to cover over their children, they placed their own bodies between them and the oncoming danger.

The kill team, however, had prepared for this. While the two assailants struggled with the security team, Rene LeBlanc was seen on the camera to pull out a handgun. Instead of doing what most would assume he had intended and aiming it towards the enemy, he pointed it at the back of his friend's head. Fortune, regret, or some other darker providence seemed to stay his hand, and just as quickly as he pulled out the weapon he pocketed it again and urged his friend towards the limited safety of the house, looking back at the scene with his supposed accomplices with a mixture of emotions roiling his face.

Gendo paused the scene with the camera fixed on LeBlanc's face, "Two people were killed to get this information. The first was the _fourth_ accessory to this attempted murder, the woman who filmed it for SEELE to have blackmail material to keep Mister LeBlanc silent and pliable." At the press of a button, he showed the file depicting a seemingly nondescript Algerian woman. "The second was one of the men I've hired to assist in my 'judgments'." His face went flat, "He failed to remember that women can be every bit as deadly in their own way, and paid the price for his hubris."

"…When were you going to show this to me?" The general kept his fury leashed tightly, cold fury begging to be unleashed beneath every word he spoke, "This happened not three days ago, Gendo. _This is my son!_ "

"I received the data this morning," tenting his fingers, he glared up at the man who presumed himself the only individual with familial risks at stake. "I knew we had this little meeting set up so that you could feel proud of your CI team's work. That they cracked one of my ciphers after this long should help ease the sting of knowing it was one of my _easier_ ciphers." He demonstrated the same restraint his 'host' did, " _My_ son, Philip, is in your care. You have allowed moles to infest our garden, and now they've begun to sabotage his war against the Angels. You came here to try and keep him safe, and still he suffers attempts on his life. Unlike you, I've put my blood on the frontlines. Unlike you, I've sacrificed _everything_ to win." Pulling out a hard drive, he slid it across the table, "You are correct though; we are not enemies. Fight your war, the war you are suited to fighting. Stay out of my war," his eyes hardened, "and I'll hand you the men responsible for attempting to murder your family." Holding his gaze for a second longer, he smiled politely, "And if you would kindly let me see my son? I would like to congratulate him."

+++++ 7th Angel + 2: Tuesday (47)

Sitting on a bench on the sunny pedestrian outdoor market, Shinji couldn't repress a sigh.

"You know," Kodama bumped him with her shoulder, "you should feel fancy having people willing to take your shopping bags and send them home for you." The vivacious nurse rested her head against him, "I'm lucky that I have a man who understands that fame and fortune shouldn't change him, though."

Looking down towards the eldest Horaki, his heart again beating faster at the sheer proximity of such powerful lust, he took his own advice. _I need to engage._ "Kodama," looking around, there didn't appear to be anyone around close enough to overhear, "can we talk?"

"If this is you breaking up with me," she muttered, keeping her eyes downcast, "could it wait until tomorrow? I'm really, _really_ , enjoying today."

 _We'd have to be dating to break up._ Choosing to leave that thought unspoken, he shook his head, "It's not that." _Soothe her. Make this as easy as you can, so that you don't regret it later._ Taking her hand, he gently curled it inside both of his, "I'm going to make some changes tonight. Do something that…that may make things difficult on everyone."

Sitting up, she turned slightly to face him, though he kept her hand in a firm grip, "Changes how?" Her eyebrows knit, "Shinji, I'm getting a little scared now."

"I'm…going to ask Hikari to marry me." Moving on quickly, he kept his momentum increasing so that he wasn't interrupted by her or fate, "That means that…Maya, and you…anyone else that wanted something different, is going to have to accept the fact that of everyone on this planet…she comes first." He felt her hand start to tremble, "If Maya is going to work out, in this…really odd relationship that she wants, she'll have to accept that I'm _married_. That Hikari is married. That if, at some point, Hikari asks me to cut everything and everyone else off…I'll do it." He shook his head, seeing the tears building in her eyes, "I won't like it. I'll hate it. It'll hurt more than anything…."

"My baby sister's getting married!" Tearing her hand free, Kodama wrapped her arms around his neck and screamed happily, " _My baby sister's getting married!"_ Laughing with genuine joy, she knelt on the bench and squeezed him for all she was worth, "When? How? Do you have a ring?!"

 _Not what I anticipated_. Finding her exuberance infectious, he couldn't keep the happiness from his own voice, "Tonight. Once we're done with everything, and Hikari and Maya are done at the day spa, I'm going to be heading to a hotel." Drawing her attention to the tallest building in the area, he blushed, "That one."

"That's…." She snorted, "Of course. You needed immediate access to a nice hotel, so you contacted the Shirakami." Moving to his lap, she left her arms draped about his neck, "So. She's fresh off a day of relaxation, feeling pampered and beautiful, Akane-san drives her to this fancy hotel where she's escorted like royalty to her suite. Waiting inside is the man of her dreams, then what?" Bouncing with excitement, she didn't give the appearance of someone who felt anything was wrong with his declaration.

"Kodama," he slowed her down, "you understand what I said, right?"

"Of course I did." She rolled her eyes, "Shinji, if I was the first to declare their love for you, if after you'd caught me falling from the ladder you and I found a closet and I thanked you thoroughly, I'd be where she is." Her smile was understanding, "I'd be having to share what I had with my baby sister. I'd have to tolerate that she wanted to share you with Maya. You are laboring under a mindset that exists only because you are the exact kind of man to make this work, the man that I love. My sister, as much as we may fight, loves me. We may disagree, we may feel that the other is spending too much time with you, but in the end we're _family_. This can only work because of the ties we have, not in spite of them. Because we each want what's best for the other, over everything else."

"I'm…not that good of a man," he blushed. "I have had…rather naughty thoughts about women other than the one I'm proposing to, Kodama."

"Good," she grinned again, "because I'm going to make those 'naughty thoughts' seem innocent in comparison to the reality I give you." Patting at his shoulders, she wiggled, "So, after she sees you, then what?"

+++++ 7th Angel + 2: Tuesday (47)

"He's a peacemaker, Maya," Hikari sighed as the attendant slowly worked on her feet. "He saw us fighting yesterday, saw the strife that had happened after I was told exactly what I needed to hear by Suzuka-san, and he's doing what he can to foster peace. Extraordinary strife, extraordinary peace. It's why we love him, but I wish he'd let me suffer from time to time. I'm worried that he's going to begin to consider me too fragile."

Maya, keeping her guesses to herself, neither agreed nor disagreed with the woman she loved, "He doesn't think you're fragile, Hikari. He thinks you're fresh out of a hospital stay, and he wants everyone to take a step back from the chaos and accept their good fortune."

"He sounds pretty smart, to me," the woman working on Maya's feet tittered. "I wish my husband took my feelings into consideration from time to time."

"He's brilliant," Hikari agreed amicably, "even if he doesn't think he is."

"He'd be the first to deny it," Maya smiled. "I've seen his grades, he's got the top marks in your school, even with all the time he misses due to work. His teachers, especially your homeroom teacher, are all begging for us to let him participate in club activities, to build up a resume so that he'll go to a good university."

The Class Rep looked over in surprise, "He's taken the top spot? Why didn't he tell me?"

"He doesn't care," she answered with a shrug. "He sees a future filled with nothing but the fight, Hikari. He doesn't expect to get another job, because he doesn't expect that this war will ever end. If he starts looking towards peace time, he might not live to see it. As painful as it is for me to know that I had a hand in guiding him to it, he's dedicated his life to two things. One is wonderful, you…and the other is Unit-01, which is not as wonderful."

"Wait," Hikari's attendant slowed to a halt, "it was _that_ Ikari that made the reservation?" Her eyes widened, "You're his secret girlfriend?"

"Aiya," the proprietress declared, smacking her staff on the back of the head. "No pestering the customers. They are here to relax, not deal with your inane babble." Bowing gracefully to the pair being served, she apologized, "I am very sorry, ladies. The Defender of Tokyo-3 was very clear that he didn't want a big deal made. I offered to discount your stay, and he wouldn't accept it. Said that both of you deserved nothing but the very best." Waving one of the younger attendants over, she offered them refreshments, "Some chocolates? They were made fresh this morning."

Lightly picking one of the variety of sweets from the tray, Hikari smiled fondly as she thought of how Shinji would deny he'd done anything special while being awarded a medal for saving the world, "He's one of a kind, the man I love."

+++++ 7th Angel + 2: Tuesday (47)

"You realize this is also owned by the Shirakami," Kodama grimaced. Looking at the club Shinji'd guided them towards, she gave him 'puppy dog' eyes, "We could go find a nice park to dance in, instead?"

"Kodama," _I have to be firm. With everyone._ "Nanako-san owns this club. She is a good woman, and it's _because_ this is owned by the Shirakami that I feel ok dancing here. I've never danced before, so I'm going to look silly. While I'm relaxing enough to let myself look silly with you, I won't have to worry about someone sneaking up on us. This place is going to basically be a fortress." Opening the door, he urged her inside, "Please, I gave a little, all I ask is the same from you."

"Fine," she groused, inwardly thrilling that he was being so…commanding. _He's going to be showing off for me, and everyone will see him doing it._ The pair weren't a few meters inside when Kodama spotted the club's owner. "Nanako-san, it's good to see you," she lied warmly.

"Thank you for coming!" Taking short steps to accommodate her dress, the pleasant-faced 'Mother' of the Shirakami hurried over and pulled Shinji into a hug, whispering as he bent to accept her greeting, "Relax. You are safe here, and none will judge you for what you do today." Beaming brightly as she moved to Kodama, she repeated the hug and whispered something to her that Shinji did not even attempt to overhear.

Whatever was stated, Kodama seemed to settle down slightly, "Thank you for having us so early." Looking around the seating area, she noticed that there weren't that many patrons, "I guess you opened earlier than usual."

"We're open almost all day," taking both of their arms, she guided them towards a table facing the door and the main dance floor. "I only close every once in a while to clean, or to allow my husband to conduct shady business dealings that might embarrass his clients." Stage-whispering to Shinji, she giggled, "He makes them do _honest things_ , can you imagine?"

Smiling sincerely, he enjoyed the display of gentle affection, "Terrible, just terrible. Asking people to uphold their end of a bargain and not treat others poorly? What is this world coming to?" Moving to help Kodama sit, he offered his arm for her to balance on as she slid onto the nearly-circular bench, "Unless you want anything in particular, Kodama, I was going to let Nanako-san—Erp?!" Pausing at a sudden pressure against his shoulder blades, he looked down into a stern expression that most likely explained her ability to command her husband's attentions, "S-sorry? What did I do?"

"No more -san, Shinji," her tone was softer than her gaze. "Suzuka and I spoke last night, and whatever you choose with regards to your affiliation to our Family…you will always be _family_." Stroking his arm to soothe the smack she'd given him, she let her good nature shine through again, "I'll bring out some drinks I know you two will enjoy. Sit down, get a feel for the environment. I'll ask our DJ to build a mood, then you two can dance some, ok?" Looking to Kodama, she winked and waved as she left.

Seating himself, Shinji failed to notice the small grin he had. "Sorry, I was going to say I'd let her bring us out something and we could make sure to be hydrated before sweating again. I guess…I've been told by a number of people lately I'm too formal."

"You're you," reaching across the small table, Kodama took his wrist and held it tight. "I shouldn't be trying to change you, no matter how…frustrating you can be at times."

"No," he patted her hand. "You have the right, as my friend, to ask that I do things for you. If not adding what I think to be a mark of respect to your name is what you want," he half shrugged, "then it is rude of me to insist that I do it anyway." _Keep the mood happy._ "This is a nice place," he looked around, easily determining that most of the 'clientele' were in fact there to ruin lives if someone tried to hurt Shinji or Kodama.

The music picked up, a compelling beat flowing under a complex rhythm. "Nanako-san has a good eye for decoration," Kodama agreed, demonstrating that while she might be calmer about things, she still wasn't sanguine about him and the Shirakami existing in the same prefecture. "The lighting is charming without being stuffy, and there's lots of airflow."

Their Host for the day came back, escorted by a young woman carrying a tray of drinks and chips, "So, to confirm, yes. There is alcohol in your drinks. Not enough to really do much, but I wanted to be honest about it." Nanako smiled to Shinji, "I doubt there's enough in fifteen of these to really touch you." Looking to Kodama, she put a finger on her lips, "Don't tell Ibuki-san I served alcohol to a minor, ok?"

"My lips are sealed," Kodama laughed, surprised that Nanako was actually being encouraging. "While I'm teaching him to dance, I'm sure he'll burn it off anyway."

"Good!" Clapping, she patted Shinji on the shoulder, "Enjoy yourselves, and let me know if there's anything you need. I'll be around, and any of the staff know how to find me." Shooing off the waitress, she began issuing a string of commands to whoever was unlucky enough to be close by.

Mirroring his date, Shinji took a sip of his drink, surprised at how pleasant it tasted, "This is rather nice." He looked closer at the glass, trying to determine what the blue-green mixture was, "Not at all like…certain beers I was forced to try once."

"If she drank that swill that I saw when I visited," Kodama stuck her tongue out, "I think you got set up with a bad impression of alcohol." Smiling as Shinji nodded his agreement eagerly, she toyed with a chip, "So…why dancing?"

Setting his drink on the table after downing half the glass, he shrugged, "You mentioned once that you wanted to. Hikari said it really isn't something she's interested in. That means that I don't need to worry about doing something 'first' with you hurting her feelings, and I can make you happy by doing something 'first' with you. Win-win." Trying one of the chips, he smiled, "It makes everyone happy, and I can relax enough to make a fool of myself."

"Full of calculations, aren't you?" Popping the chip in her mouth, she chewed thoughtfully, "Though, I have to admit that you're right. It does feel…kind of naughty knowing that I get to be the first to do something with you." Leaning over, she whispered, "I like it."

As the song changed, Shinji recognized the sounds of something Asuka would often put on in the apartment. _Well…maybe that's a sign._ "Let's try, then." Taking Kodama by the hand, he guided her out onto the dance floor. Anxiety tried to flood his thoughts, and he had to take a second to shove as much of it back into the hole it crawled from.

Reading her partner's dilemma well, she placed her hands on his chest and set them to moving in a small, set, pattern. "Nice and easy," she grinned encouragingly. "We'll start slow, and work our way up."

He was able to distract himself by noticing that two of the staff took up positions casually by the table he'd vacated. Pointedly not looking in his direction, they set napkins on the top of each glass. _Nanako's that worried?_ The pair talked calmly about something that occupied their mouths as their eyes swept the room for anyone untoward. When he returned his gaze to Kodama, he noticed that she was smiling broadly, "Sorry, panic attack."

Her movements had grown rapidly in complexity, inspiring him to fully appreciate her form and grace, "No problems, Baby."

When he looked down to make sure that he wasn't being too stand-offish, he noticed that he was himself keeping pace with her. Unbidden, natural ideas on how to improvise the dance flowed from him and he took the lead. Each foot placement was precise, teasing out a response from his partner. His hands floated, caressed, and accented what she did in turn. As the songs changed, the beat grew more and more compelling, and he let his mind free to appreciate the wonderful person before him.

The crowd, and even some of the staff dedicated to guarding him, began to watch more openly as he let down his reserve. With his focus entirely on the woman before him, Shinji asked during one of the small lulls in the mix, "Are you having fun?"

"When you said," she asked with a broad grin, "you can't dance…did you actually manage to lie to me without me noticing?"

Spinning behind her, he changed the style of dance to speak without being overheard, "I…think it's the Angel. I've told you, every one of them I defeat I absorb something…I think the last Angel has something to do with poetry, or music." His body responded to the way she moved against him, and he felt his neck flush, "I'm letting go, Kodama. I'm letting things help me, instead of fighting them." With his hands on her waist, he gripped as hard as he dared to pull her against him, "You're very good at this, too."

"Never danced with a man before," she whispered, leaning heavily into him. "Always with the other lady nurses. They're less grabby, and they know we're just having fun." Setting her hips to massaging certain areas together, she purred, "Mmmmm, I love you, Baby." Breaking away suddenly, she spun and faced him with a playful smile, "I…am going to go put some water on my face. You have a date tonight, and I am not going to ruin it." Hurrying off, she left him to fan himself and make his way back to the table.

The pair guarding his drinks nabbed the napkins and fled before he was halfway there, leaving their fellows to guard his privacy. _Ok. Definitely fun._ He could still feel her against him, the undulations she managed with a compact frame spraying his mind down with images of what could be managed without clothes or an audience…or even with one. As he sat down, he was quickly bumped further into the booth by his host.

"So," bright-eyed, Nanako seemed thrilled at what she'd seen, "what do you think?"

"You have a very nice establishment," he answered evasively, finishing off his drink. "I'd like to tip your DJ, they chose some very pleasant songs to learn to dance to."

"…Learn?" Nanako puzzled, "Shinji, I've seen trained idols not manage to take control the way you did. You don't have to be modest, you're really good!" Taking drinks from a waitress, she swapped out his old beverage for a new one, "So you're having fun? I could kind of sense that you're at odds with yourself, is this helping?"

As he was about to answer he noticed two women, a little less than a decade older than Nanako herself, approaching. "I'm having fun," nodding subtly towards the approaching women, he lowered his voice and prepared to defend the wife of his instructor, "do you know them?"

"Oh my goodness, Nanako-chan, you're spreading your wings!" The shorter of the two women, someone Shinji had a vague impression he knew, hurried over and pulled his host into a deep hug, "I was so worried that you were going to never let yourself try out new things."

"Rise," the second woman named the first, fanning herself casually with an ornate lacquered sensu, "you are embarrassing her." Stopping at the table, she pinched Rise's arm until the bubbly former idol let Nanako up. "It's nice to see you, Nanako. I hope we're not intruding?"

"No!" Nanako seemed genuinely pleased, "It's great to see you, Rise, Yukiko!" Looking around, she saw nobody else was with them, "Where's my cousin, or the others? Are they with the kids? I'd love to introduce him to Shinji, I think he'd have some good advice for him."

"Unfortunately not," Yukiko shook her head, the picture of grace and dignity. Switching places with Rise, who seemed to suddenly become intensely interested in Shinji's appearance, she added apologetically, "He is with Naoto, they're out on an investigation trying to locate a missing child. We left the kids with Chie, she has them engaging in a 'field day'. We didn't want to overwhelm you with everyone, but we've been worried at how you're doing, considering."

The mahogany-haired Rise slapped her hands over her mouth as recognition clicked, "Wait…it's you!" Blinking, she looked to Nanako, "Nanako-chan, what on Earth are you doing flirting with the Defender of Tokyo-3?"

"He is a friend of the family," Nanako answered firmly, reaching over and holding Shinji's arm to try and restore his calm. "And of the _Family_. His circumstances aren't what you're hearing in the news, and if I could convince my cousin to come down and visit I would be thrilled to let him advise poor Shinji."

"I'm very sorry that I haven't done a better job of protecting your friend," Shinji bowed politely. "Her and her husband have been a great help to me, and I owe them more than I could repay."

"Great!" Rise clapped her hands together firmly, "Then you can pay me instead. Come on," taking his arm, she pulled on him to move him towards the dance floor, "I saw the tail end of your dance with that other lady. I want to have some fun too."

"Go," Nanako urged quietly. "I'll handle Kodama. These are good people, Shinji. I owe them my life." Smiling confidently as Rise dragged Shinji off, she moved to the center of the bench and patted the spot next to her for Yukiko to take, "Still the permanently over-compensating mobile false smile, isn't she?"

"Rise is nothing if she isn't consistent," Yukiko agreed with a delicate laugh. "So, the 'Defender of Tokyo-3'. The 'Fearless Warrior'. The 'Man who will save us all'." She shook her head sadly, her fan slowly shifting her hair, "It's my husband all over again, isn't it?"

"He didn't ask for it, Yukiko." Nanako spotted Kodama and made a signal for her to hurry over, "He is probably the most gentle young man I've ever seen. Even Yu had a natural sense for combat. Yes, Shinji is a terror to behold when he fights but he holds himself back. Peace owns his mind, war is a foreign concept."

When the eldest Horaki arrived at the table, she was clearly struggling to keep her anger in check, "Why is my boyfriend dancing with a former Miss Japan?"

"Kodama," Nanako's maternal voice of command cut through her irritation, "please. Sit." When the younger woman obeyed, reluctantly, the Shirakami matron gestured to their new guest, "This is Yukiko Amagi. Yukiko, this is Kodama Horaki." She shifted her hand to indicate Shinji, "One of the three women he's reluctantly agreed to date."

Yukiko's eyes widened, and then she covered her mouth to stifle her laugh as best she could.

Kodama's first impression of the new woman was that she was a very reserved, traditional, middle-aged housewife. The young girl that peeked out from behind the curtain, that laughed uproariously and indecorously, caused her to then question what it was that Nanako seemed so serious over, "You'll forgive me if I don't find it that funny."

"No, no," Yukiko tried to slow her giggle-fit, "it's not you, Horaki-san." Wiping her eyes, she smiled to Nanako, "Your letter to Yu didn't say he was _exactly_ like him. Just that they shared similarities."

The host watched as Shinji danced side by side with Rise, drawing Kodama's eyes over to her beloved, "Kodama what I'm trying to say is that Yukiko here, and Rise," she grinned as Shinji kept up without trying, matching the woman beside him move for move, "as well as two other women, are all involved with my cousin."

"My husband," Yukiko coughed down the last of her laughter, "seems to share a great deal in common with your boyfriend." Letting her stern nature fade, she smiled pleasantly, "Eager to make the people around him happy. The first to jump in to defend the weak." Her smile faded as quickly as it had arrived, "Destined to suffer for the sins of others." Looking back out to Shinji, she twirled her fingers in a dance on the table, "Nothing that Rise is doing is that risqué, Horaki-san. She's just feeling him out, as she tends to, by trying to make him uncomfortable."

"Rise hates public attention," Nanako added when Kodama cast a confused look her way. "Abhors it just as much as poor Shinji does. The problem is, she's very good at gaining it, just as much as poor Shinji is. Her return to stardom was only possible because she…cooperated with my cousin, and their friends. She gained a great deal of confidence in herself, so that the persona she shows the world doesn't overwhelm her. Doesn't make her forget who the 'real' Rise Kujikawa is."

"She also uses it to get my husband to pay attention to her more often," Yukiko stated primly. When she noticed Kodama cough uncomfortably, she sighed, snapping her fan shut and twirling it around her throat, "My friendship with her is the only reason sometimes that I don't take her head off with my fan." Looking back to that friend, she shrugged, "She seems to share my opinion that mister Ikari a good man."

"She's trying to get him to look down her shirt," Kodama ground out.

"And his eyes are staying on hers," Nanako pointed out. "He's passing her tests, Kodama. Trust your boyfriend."

"He's…." Looking away, she picked up her drink, "Not dating me yet."

"He is," Yukiko replied quietly. "He just doesn't know it." Nodding her thanks to the young woman that brought her drink over, she returned to a more serious demeanor, "When my husband first met me, he was struggling with moving to a new city. A new school, a new situation. Everything about him screamed 'I'm going to run away from here and never look back'." She bumped Nanako with her shoulder, "Someone gets the credit for helping convince him that he could do better."

Their host rolled her eyes, "He made friends," Nanako picked up the story, "allies. I'll trust you enough, Kodama, to say that he experienced in a little over a year some truly traumatic events. Not the least of which was my attempted murder." She let Kodama's shock wear off before she continued, "There were some horrible events that transpired when I was only a little younger than Nozomi-chan. Yukiko, Rise, a few others refused to allow the adults to ignore everything. They risked their lives, and more, and they won the day.

"During that fight the 'Investigation Team', as they called themselves, grew much closer. My cousin is a good man," she stated firmly, "Honest, loyal, sincere. Yes, he's a bit naïve, dense at times, but always with his heart in the right place. He's also one of the strongest men I know. He's done more to help this world than he'll ever get credit for, and he makes his living helping people even now. If he finds his joy in living with four women, and they don't care that he refuses to marry any of them legally, it's not my place to tell the man that saved my life 'No'."

"And Shinji Ikari strikes me as history repeating itself," Yukiko watched Rise continue to try and charm Shinji. "My husband fought tooth and nail against what we wanted. At first, it was Chie and I ganging up to topple Rise, then Naoto asked if we would be hurt if she went on a few dates with him." Her eyes glittered as she recalled the events, "Then Rise joined forces with Naoto to, and this is a quote, 'Counter the forces of the Twin Dragons'. Eventually, Yu sat us all down and said that he wouldn't continue. That he couldn't risk losing any of our friendships." She looked back to Kodama, "He didn't know it, but he wasn't dating 'any' of us."

"He was dating all of you," the eldest Horaki summed up.

"It's been a long time, and they're closer now than when they saved my life," Nanako took Yukiko's hand. "My cousin has children, love, the respect of his peers." She snorted as Rise jumped up on Shinji's back and cheered happily that he'd managed her entire routine without missing a step, "Everything I want to see that young man grow old with, Kodama." Her jaw set, she turned to impress her point on the young woman beside her, "I am on your side. Stop fighting me."

Shinji walked back to the table, carefully holding Rise piggyback while keeping his hands in 'safe' places, "I hope we're not interrupting," he stated cautiously. "Kujikawa-san said you should be done by now."

Bopping him on the head in rhythm with her words, more flash than fury, Rise shook her twin-tails, "No, no, no! It's Rise-chan! Ri-se-cha-n!"

Yukiko squeezed Nanako's hand as Shinji apologized again, sharing a fond look with the little girl all grown up. "A good man, indeed."

+++++ 7th Angel + 2: Tuesday (47)

As he walked Kodama to the car waiting to carry her home, Shinji kept their pace slow. _I don't want to appear eager to send her away. It already has to be painful enough for her to know that I'm going from a date with her to an appointment with Hikari and our future, I can't be cruel._ "This was fun," he offered with a smile. "Kujikawa-san and Amagi-san seem like they got along well with you."

"They had some advice to share, while you danced with Nanako," Kodama admitted. "I have to admit, I was a little worried that we were going to have a repeat of the incident at the 'Crane', but instead…I think I understand a few things more clearly now." Swinging in front of him, she pushed him to a stop, "Shinji, I need you to do something for me, ok?"

 _It's a day for that, it seems._ "Anything I can, Kodama, so long as it doesn't hurt someone else."

"Don't change who you are." Working her fingers in small circles on his chest, she kept her gaze steady, "When I watched you dance with them, I realized…there is a distinct difference between how you interact with the women around you. When you're with Katsuragi-san, you act as if you need to prove yourself, to show the world that you aren't the same young man you were. When you're with Captain Minders, you're always ready for the next joke." Looking back to the club, she grinned, "When you danced with two women you barely knew, and Nanako, who you only know a little better, you were just trying to bring happiness."

He nodded, "Ok. I trust you see me better than I do." Looking down at the woman holding him, he tilted his head trying to see where she was going with her request, "I'm just trying to learn how to make less of a mess, Kodama."

Taking his shirt in her hands, she pulled him down into a kiss. After lingering for a few seconds, she gave him a serious wink, "And when you danced with me, you wanted to fuck me in front of everyone." Grinning at his sudden blush, she pushed onward, "Shinji, I love you. Stop worrying about what anyone else thinks. You are going up to ask my sister to marry you, you are going to have a wonderful evening, and I am _not_ jealous." Stepping back, she gave him a fond wave, "Give her a memory she'll never forget, Baby. You make her happier than she's ever been, just be you."

Watching the source of many frustrations walk towards her ride home, Shinji tried to make sense of what just happened. Not once had her song trailed towards a lie, even when she stated plainly that she wasn't jealous. _How much of this am I creating, then?_ He waved as the car drove away, sensing the arrival of his next appointment before she announced herself, "Are we ok?"

Suzuka moved alongside him, holding out a velvet-lined box, "None the wiser."

"If she says 'no'," he gingerly accepted the package, "I think my heart will stop."

"If she says 'no'," the willowy warrior laughed, "I will put her over my knee." Gripping his elbow, she turned him to face her with a light touch, "I had not intended my words to provoke _you_ into action, Shinji-dono. Though if that be the outcome I will say gladly that I prompted this to anyone who dares question you."

Feeling more like he was speaking to Hikari's mother than to his friend, he clutched the box close to his stomach, "Do I have your permission to continue this madness, Suzuka-san?" Though his confidence was burgeoning, he still tried to gain his friend's approval, "You know her best. You are proud of her, of what she's accomplished in life. When…when she's older, when all of this is behind us, will you still look at what I allowed to happen to her and think well of me?"

"Even the mightiest oak may yet be toppled if it has a crumbling foundation," she smiled. "She is the foundation upon which you can and will build an empire, Shinji. Just as you are the home she will return to after facing the evils of the world. One day she will pass from this earth, and I will hold you close as we weep together for the beauty that has left us. But until that point, _live._ " Placing her hands over his, holding the box with him, she pushed it up to his heart, "Give her the freedom to choose. Should she choose to share her bounty with others, support her. Should she ask to keep it all for herself? Support her."

+++++ 7th Angel + 2: Tuesday (47)

"And this is where we part ways for today," Maya announced, pressing the pedal to engage the wheelchair's brakes. Walking around to the front, she crouched down to smile on a level with her girlfriend, "I have a feeling that our boyfriend has some plans that involve you. Judging by the way that our guards have acted, and the fact that there are two cars here now, if nothing else."

"He shouldn't push you away like this," Hikari sighed in frustration. "We just started dating, and he's already focusing on me alone."

"Hikari," the voice of reason subsumed the girlfriend, "he gave me an entire day with you. He wanted to give _me_ a gift, by showing me that he not only trusted me with you, but that he actively endorsed this not being centered around him. I got to spend a day being pampered with _my girlfriend_ safe in the knowledge that _my boyfriend_ trusted me. He's not pushing me away, he's opening himself up to us."

"Maya," she faux-pouted, "why are you suddenly the one to see the best in everything he does?"

"Because you no longer have to be the sole unflinching defender of him." Leaning on the armrests, she kissed her date, "I've been supporting you in becoming critical of him so that you can see how best to help him, Hikari. You love him, everyone knows that. But love shouldn't be blind, and it shouldn't accept things out of fear of losing that love." Standing upright, she shrugged, "I am determined to see the two of you grow into the adults I know you are capable of becoming. Whether as a lover, or as a friend."

Hikari let her pout fade into a concerned frown, "Are you honestly fine with this, Maya?"

"I'm thrilled," the girlfriend reappeared, keeping her emotions from overwhelming the conversation while still impressing her words with love. _He's going to ask you to marry him, and you don't see that coming._ "You two have needed an evening to yourselves for a long time. With everything he's gone through, and what you are recovering from, that he felt confident enough to trust me and Kodama says volumes about how far he's come. Go and love him, Hikari."

With a broad smile, one of the agents came over and apologized as she interrupted to address Hikari, "Mi dispiace, caro, è tempo." She recognized the Italian belle, Paola, though not what she had said. "Major, you have a dinner waiting for you. The little Wish and her friend will be hosting, your date for the evening will be arriving there soon."

"Have fun, Hikari. Enjoy your date with Shinji," Maya urged as she turned to walk away to her own vehicle.

The freckle-faced Class Rep wasn't alone very long, as Suzuki and Gen walked over from the vehicle intended to convey her to wherever she was meant to go. Assessing the slightly formal attire the pair wore, she let herself ask something a touch more 'mature' in tone than she typically would with her father's compatriots, "What, precisely, are you reprobates up to?"

"Us?" Gen replied with a playfully-wounded smile, "Nothing at all, Hikari-chan."

"Where we are going," Suzuki moved to take control of her chair, "is more in our area of the city. And so, instead of the typical staff, we decided that it is _our_ responsibility to see you safely to your destination."

Not convinced in the slightest, Hikari clasped her hands in her lap, "You have subordinates that could do this, uncle. Both of you being here means you are up to something. Daddy wasn't shy around us regarding his junior associates, he spoke rather eloquently about you two especially."

"Perhaps," Gen offered, "it is _because_ your father couldn't be here that we chose to be." Moving ahead to open the car door and reveal the wheelchair lift, he gave her a measured look, "Some days, it's just important that we keep things in the Family. It reminds us all that these are not burdens we share, but privileges."

"Your boyfriend spent part of the day with Nanako-san," Suzuki shifted the topic of discussion. "Met some of her friends, had a good time with your sister. He has done a great deal today to meet his responsibilities, and asked us to help him as he attempts to relax enough to enjoy his privileges." Setting the chair where it would be secure as it moved up into the vehicle, he stepped back, "He too is _family_ , Hikari-chan. I am simply glad that he sought to include us."

 _That…sounds like Shinji,_ Hikari nodded. "Thank you, then. I'm sorry if I seem dubious after yesterday."

"There is never a good time to have our largest flaws paraded about," Gen laughed fondly. "My wife doesn't bother looking for a better time. At least yours was in private away from anyone but those who loved you." With a sigh, he finished securing her in place, "I got an earful yesterday in the middle of her club, no place to hide."

Hikari let the two men share stories of how their wives 'abused' them terribly as she watched the city flow past. She knew, just as they did, that they would never change their lot for anyone else's. Under every 'one up' they threw at each other; the truth was plain to see that they were loved and cared for. _Perhaps Shinji just wants to remind me that these people really are family._ She let a small smile show, _That it isn't just 'us' and 'everyone else'._

Her knowledge of the city's layout provided their caravan's destination before they arrived, given the time of evening and limited options for entertainment venues. As the car slowed down in front of the most expensive hotel in town, she silently celebrated that she'd chosen to brush her teeth before leaving the spa, to avoid chocolate stains on her teeth. _If he's asked me to dinner, I need to choose something light. Something that won't hang on my breath._

Gen and Suzuki flowed out of the car, taking positions at her door to watch and provide something of an honor guard. From inside the building streamed over a dozen employees, walling off passers-by and forming a cordon to escort her onto the premises. Last to exit the structure was Suzuka, floating towards the car with an air of regality that Hikari had always longed to emulate. The car door was opened by Gen, Suzuki manipulating the lift to smoothly lower her to the ground, and once again she found herself facing the aunt she admired.

"Aunt Suzuka," she greeted with a polite dip of her head. "I see my boyfriend has been busy."

"It is a truth rarely appreciated in modern times," the willowy swordswoman stepped behind her to slowly roll her into the building, "that everything a man does is done to impress the women around him. Gigantic buildings constructed, expansive choreographed stage routines, bottomless banking accounts, all for a single purpose." As they crossed the threshold, Hikari saw in the mirrored inner doors the cordon assume a new defensive position, allowing no further entrance. "To win the attentions of the woman he loves most."

"Shinji would never need this to get my attention," Hikari replied calmly. "He is already everything I could ever hope for."

"He didn't ask for this," Suzuka replied with aplomb. Bypassing the front desk she continued on, acknowledging the hotel manager and his senior staff as they bowed in unison, gesturing the pair towards the VIP elevator. "We did." Staying behind her niece, the tall warrior let pride fill her voice, "He wished for something simple. A small room, perhaps a sweet to share. He desired to offer his love as a man of simple tastes, with no more than the clothes on his back and his good word to his name." As the elevator doors opened, revealing a pair of well-armed guards, Suzuka turned Hikari around and rolled her backwards into the car.

"That sounds more like him," Hikari agreed, seeing a theme building.

"He is not a man of little means," her aunt continued as the elevator rose. "Nor is he, in any form, a simple man. His desire was to make this evening special for you, to celebrate what you have found in one another. Any who look upon the two of you and denies that you were made for one another is blind, or jealous." Resting her hand on Hikari's shoulder, she let warmth flow towards her niece, "A love like yours comes about so rarely, Hikari, that it is worthy of excesses to support. We will always be by your side. Let us indulge ourselves in a vicarious romance from time to time, yes?"

Watching the number indicating the floors ticking past, Hikari wasn't surprised when it shifted to a symbol indicating the very top floor. As the doors opened, she was able to see down a long, well-appointed, corridor. With only two doors, not including the emergency staircase, there were no doubts left. "So…which door is it?"

"The entire floor is yours," Suzuka set them in motion once again. "The only living souls other than you and he will be myself, my husband, Gen-kun, and Nanako-chan. We will be guarding the entrances, the exits, and validating any staff that will bring what you may desire." Lowering her voice to maintain propriety, she added, "We will not be close enough to…overhear, should the two of you choose to become affectionate."

Hikari felt a blush build, the reason she was visiting a hotel now perfectly clear, "Thank you."

Pausing, the willowy warrior stepped before Hikari and knelt to take her hands, "I know, in my heart and soul, that your mother would be proud of you." Her smile was one of reminiscence, "What you choose today, think of none other than yourself. Your decisions are your own, as they always have been. My advice has only ever been that, I am not the one who has to wear your shoes every morning."

Holding her emotions tightly, she nodded, "Do…I look ok?" _I should be more embarrassed that everyone here knows I'm about to…with him._

Smoothing one soft hand over Hikari's cheek, Suzuka's heart was in her eyes, "You look radiant, child. You hold him in the palm of your hand, never doubt that. He is yours, heart and soul." Smiling as she nodded to her husband, who had taken the stairs up with Gen to make certain that they were clear of anyone with untoward intentions, she stood again. "Now, do you feel prepared to claim what he offers?"

"It's…." _I will. I'm going to walk in there._ "Help me stand," she lifted her feet out of the stirrups, "I want to offer myself to him on my feet, Suzuka."

Crossing her wrists, she took Hikari's hands and acted as leverage for the younger woman, "On your feet, in a chair, he will take you as you come. But if you wish to face this on your terms, I will not deny you."

Slowly regaining her sense of balance, she giggled as nervousness at openly stating her intent was insufficient to slow her bold declaration, "I'm hoping he's open to the shower." Looking at her aunt, Hikari felt her nerves showing on her face, "I've heard that the first time is helped with warm water involved."

Suzuka's face never betrayed the shock she felt in that moment. _She thinks he only means to bed her._ Rapidly reviewing everything she'd said, she pieced together Hikari's perspective easily and decided that a surprise proposal would be even more memorable for her favored adopted child, "I think the night will be full of wonder," she offered with a gentle smile. "Let me announce you."

+++++ 7th Angel + 2: Tuesday (47)

Shinji kept the ring on his person as he checked the various settings around the room. The windows were tinted on the outside, preventing anyone from seeing in while still presenting a magnificent view of the surrounding hills. He had maneuvered the table, with the help of the staff, so that he and Hikari could sit at the corners, side by side, to see both each other and the vista. For the eighth time that ten-minute period, he felt the small box that was sitting in his pocket.

 _Please, please understand._ He begged the spirits of the parents of the love of his life. _Suzuka said you wished for the first daughter to marry to wear this ring. I'm trusting her to know what you wanted…I never had the chance to ask._ Looking around the room, he verified that space had been created for a wheelchair to move around, again. He checked the food, again. He checked the drinks, again.

His motions greatly amused the assistant manager that stood silently by, the woman agreeing with her compatriots that this young man was indeed every bit as charming as the daily newspapers made him out to be. With her hand-picked staff, she stood ready to serve dinner and drinks, and then beat a hasty retreat to allow him to 'pop the question'. Despite choosing her best personnel, she still had to raise her eyebrow more than once as one of them made a comment about offering to take the lady of the hour's spot if she wasted more time in showing up.

"You'd have to remove me from him surgically," the youngest tittered quietly. "Look at him: tall, honest, in fantastic shape. He refused to stand by and let us do anything, apologizing constantly. If my boyfriend thought of a third of the things he did, I'd not be looking to upgrade!"

"You are terrible," the lone male of the group stated with a groan. "He's not some slab of beef, Na-chan. He's pouring his heart and soul into this one moment, hoping that the woman he loves recognizes that she means everything to him. Of course, he's going to take an active hand in things. If it goes wrong, he wants to know that he did his best."

"If it goes wrong," the third stated saucily, "I'll be right there to console him."

"Enough," the assistant manager whispered, the small earpiece she wore chiming as the elevator doors opened on the VIP floor. "She's here." Watching as Shinji slowed, seeming to sense the arrival of his life's blood, she took it upon herself to do the job of the people she'd read life had taken from him. Walking over to him, she quickly adjusted his shirt and checked for any stray lint or hairs, "Shoulders back, head straight," she stated firmly. As he responded automatically to the tone of command, she nodded in satisfaction at his appearance, "You look dashing, Mister Ikari." Her eyes held his, "You carry yourself well. You carry well the pride of your compatriots, of your friends, and of the city that looks to you for protection." She smiled softly, "Now, deep breath." Guiding him through it, she nodded easily, "You have nothing to fear. She loves you, the Family approves of both of you, and the night will be one to remember."

"I hope so, ma'am," he responded cautiously, his eyes trailing to the spot he felt Hikari's song flowing from. "I truly do."

Placing her hand atop his heart to call his eyes back, she mimed for him to take another breath, "It will be. I can't imagine a woman that would be anything but thrilled to receive this much devotion from a man such as you. The Shirakami do not expend resources on wastrels or scoundrels. We gift this evening to you in recognition of your service to humanity, in the hopes that you will fondly remember it." She kept him breathing steady with small gestures, "I know your own family history is…complex, so lean on us. Every woman among us will be your mother, your sister, this evening. Every man your father, your brother."

Shinji let a small smile show, placing one giant paw on the smaller woman's shoulder, "Thank you." A firm knock on the door sent the assistant manager back to her place with a final nod to him. As had been arranged, Suzuka opened the door. Anyone other than her or Hikari was to be greeted with distinct and unflinching hostility, by her orders. With more calm than he'd felt before the pep talk, he clasped his hands loosely behind his back and waited.

The willowy swordswoman stood in the doorway and casually checked that all was as it should be, "Lord Shinji Ikari, first of his name, Paladin of the Realm, Acting Regent and Devoted Protector of Old Hakone and its Environs, I have the pleasure to announce this evening," stepping to the side, she gestured Hikari into the room, "Hikari, second daughter of Toshiro of the Horaki Clan, beloved of the Shirakami, first among her peers."

His brain hiccupped as his good friend seemed to create titles and positions out of whole cloth, but he managed to keep his face steady until Hikari walked into the room fully. _She walked._ He wanted to run over and take her arm, to make sure that she didn't fall, or hurt herself. He had, however, promised that whatever way she entered the room, Suzuka would be the one to assist her should things go wrong. _Honor. Dignity. Hikari deserves a chance to decide her own fate, on her own terms._

Waiting long enough for her to slowly stride into the room proper, Shinji matched her pace and closed the distance without rushing. Reaching out as soon as it was dignified, he took her hands and his first breath since he saw her on her own two feet, "You look stunning." His smile quivered with his emotions, nervous energy fighting against the increasing reality that he was going to ask Light made flesh to marry him. "Did you enjoy the spa?"

Hikari was, it seemed, just as nervous, "It was a lovely date. Thank you for insisting I go." A small trill of laughter broke free, " _Lord_ Shinji Ikari?"

Suzuka, watching carefully as the staff set the table with dinner now that the guests were all present, answered the question that Shinji himself had been wondering, "That is a tale for tomorrow, at the earliest. Tonight is not the time for politics or publicity."

"I agree," Shinji moved to offer his arm to Hikari. "Tonight…tonight is about you." Cautiously walking her towards the table, he swallowed, "About us." Nodding in gratitude to the Assistant Manager, who pulled Hikari's chair out and backed away quickly, he helped the love of his life sit before easily sliding her chair back into the table, "I hope you don't mind, but I made your favorites for this evening. And…I was told that we would have wine. I was going to go with tea alone, but your aunt insisted."

One of the staff uncovered Hikari's plate with a flourish as Shinji sat down, and the young woman inhaled deeply as the steam lifted familar scents with it, "Oh…this is just _lovely_." A fluted glass was placed before her, and a deep burgundy liquid professionally poured into it. Looking askance at Shinji, she tried to get a feel for how he took being served. She wasn't disappointed in that his hand kept fidgeting to do for himself what others were doing for him, and she suppressed the thrill of happiness that brought. _He's still himself. He's just…trying harder to be what he thinks others need him to be._

The bottle was placed in a beautifully lacquered bucket filled with ice, the food served, and a final once-over given by the woman in charge before she presented herself between the table and the vista, "If there is anything else you require, My Lord, you will please remember the blue button dials directly to me. It will be my distinct pleasure to remain on duty for the duration of your visit with us, and no time is too early or late to ask for whatever pleases you or the young miss."

"Thank you," Shinji replied earnestly. "For everything."

Clapping twice, she set her crew to withdrawing rapidly from the room, leaving Suzuka as the last to leave after a final visual sweep of the room. The powerful warrior hesitated long enough to catch Shinji's eye and wink, then gently closed the doors and left the pair alone.

Hikari decided to break the ice with familiarity, instead of the hundred questions that came to mind regarding his plans, "You had time to make this? I thought you were out on your own date."

"The kitchen downstairs is very nice," Shinji replied with a shrug. "I didn't have to share burners between dishes, and was able to get everything going at once." Encouraging her to try her dinner, he took over the burden of conversation, "I actually held something of a class for the staff. They wanted to know exactly how to make this, once I told them it was your favorite. It was odd, in a nice kind of way, to be the teacher for a room full of people at least twice my age."

Closing her eyes in bliss, she let the flavor rest on her tongue before swallowing and smiling happily, "How did you know this was my favorite? I've never told you."

"Not…in this life." He took a small bite himself, "Asuka mentioned it, one day. 'Everyone in Japan has these bizarre favorite foods. Nothing sane or filling!' She went on to list your preferred dinner, saying that you'd told her how great it was your father made it the day she came to visit." Nodding to himself, he deemed the dish acceptably done, "I asked Kodama if that remained true, took the recipe from your family cookbook, and here we are. Lemon-glazed chicken with cucumber curry on short-grain rice, with carrots cut into little fish."

Hikari turned her gaze towards the window, willing the tears to recede, "My mom made this. It was the last dinner she made before…the end." Looking back to him with a happy smile, she treasured the moment, "And now the man I love made it for me…on a very special night. It's a twice-blessed meal."

"Your mother's handwriting…was…very neat." Pulling out his phone, he showed her the picture he'd taken of the page, "Everything perfectly organized and understandable. Which is good, because she uses extraordinarily precise measurements. I had to improvise a couple of times with the utensils to make sure I stayed true to what she'd written down." Sliding the device back into his pocket, he gave her a bigger smile, "A room full of chefs all scrambling to find ways to precisely measure the spices was a sight to see. They apparently tended more towards the art of cooking than the science."

Laughing warmly as she imagined the young man she loved directing a troop of fully grown adults to locate the means to add exactly three-sixteenths of a measure of broken peppers, Hikari reached over and rubbed his arm, "Thank you, Shinji."

"I had fun," he waved off the gratitude, blushing slightly. "I won't often get to use a fully equipped industrial kitchen. That I was able to make something you enjoy is thanks enough."

The pair spent some time eating in companionable silence, appreciating the sunset as it painted the nearby hills with its coruscating light. Neither rushed their meal, Hikari because she didn't want to risk appearing 'fat', Shinji because he wanted to be certain that she had an opportunity to relish what he'd made for her. _This has to be a night for her to remember. After everything, she deserves nothing less._

As the merest sliver of a disc remained over the horizon, Hikari blinked first. Placing her sticks down beside her plate, she turned and tilted her head to the angle she'd long practiced in the mirror, a charming, flirty, smile adorning her lips, "A lovely dinner, Shinji. But I get the feeling that this wasn't the main course."

 _Can I face the Eighth through Fourteenth Angels right now, please?_ Screwing down his confidence, he shoved the flailing voice of his youth into a mental locker and slammed the door, _No. I am not looking back. Everything I've done has been in preparation for growing the hell up. I am not going to be that…child, not anymore._

Watching the face of the man she loved, Hikari bore witness to the change in the set of his eyes, his shoulders, as a hint of panic was ruthlessly crushed and replaced with an implacable resolve. Her smile wavered slightly, replaced with the first pangs of concern, _Is he…no, he wouldn't be breaking up with me. Not like this._ "Shinji?"

"I came to this world forty-six days ago," he began softly, reaching over and taking her hands. "Forty-five days ago, I met someone new. A distinct, mature, version of a young girl I had long admired. With her 'frizzy hair' and her 'plain eyes', she fell into my arms like a blessing from the earth itself." Sliding out of his chair, he dropped to one knee before her in supplication, "She tenderly pulled me free from the spiral of destruction I'd fallen into. With a dazzling smile and the patience of a saint she accused me of possessing, she took residence in my heart."

Freeing his right hand, he dipped it into his pocket and pulled out the small velvet-lined box containing the promise he never thought he'd be given an opportunity to make anyone, let alone the woman before him. Digging the edge of his thumb under the lid, he flicked it open and offered his soul to the woman who already owned it whole, "Hikari Horaki…I have little to offer you that you don't already hold in your calm, capable, hands. My heart, my soul, every breath I take is yours, has been yours, will always be yours. Would you…complete me?"

… _I am an_ idiot _._ Hikari's hand trembled as she reached down to lightly trace along the edge of a ring she recognized from her earlier years. A million memories flashed by of her mother's loving touch, of the ring adorning a leather thong around her mother's neck while she worked in the kitchen, of her father polishing it calmly as they listened to bedtime stories, of a promise she'd made both of her parents in a hospital room that the first Horaki to wed would wear the ring proudly, no matter who it was.

Swallowing, despite her mouth having gone dry, she looked up into the gaze of a warrior patiently awaiting his execution. _He's terrified I'll say 'No'._ She smiled as the first tears stained her cheeks, _All of this, everything, and he still lives his life believing I'd choose anyone else._ Her voice quavered, her impressions of the expected course of events for the evening now lying in glorious ruin about her feet, she gave him the only answer possible, "Yes."

With a musician's touch, Shinji lifted the ring free of its bed. Pulling her hand over, he prayed that the measurements and smithy work Suzuka had performed was accurate. When the ring slid home, snug enough to stay where it belonged but not immovable, he let himself relax a touch as he lifted his eyes back to the woman who'd freed him from the bonds of history repeating itself.

That act was fortunate, because it was what allowed him to catch her as she threw herself into his arms and screamed out in glee, "I'm getting married!"

Cradling her gently, he tried to balance relief, enthusiasm, and caution over her recent surgery. _She said yes!_

 _Congratulations,_ Dark whispered, running a hand over his head. There was no sarcasm, anger, nothing of her namesake existed as she spoke to him, _Of all possible decisions you could have made, this was one of the best, Shinji. There will be…changes, but having her in your corner will allow you a greater chance to survive what is to come._

"It fits so well," Hikari giggled, gazing over his shoulder at her upturned fingers and their newest decoration, unaware of Shinji's conversational partner. "How did you get it sized so perfectly?"

"While you were in the spa," he balanced speaking to the woman he held over speaking to the voice in his head, "what was the first thing they did?"

"The manicure!" She settled back to shake her head slowly, "They measured my ring finger while massaging my hands?!"

"The information was passed onto the goldsmith," Shinji nodded. "Suzuka had full confidence in the plan, which is good because I was scared that it wouldn't fit right." _What changes?_

Tipping him to the ground, Hikari laid her head atop his chest and toyed with the physical proof of their impending legal union, "Shinji…please tell me you didn't do this because of yesterday. I never wanted anyone to pressure you into anything. I wanted you to be able to choose your own path, even if it didn't include me."

"No," he held her still, hoping that she wasn't overtaxing herself. "I realized after everyone had their say that I was just as much to blame for the situation. It's like you said in the hospital, Hikari. You need me to step up, to take control of things from time to time. I…was sheltering under your protection, and you can't be made the only person responsible for me. I had to take responsibility for myself." When she smiled sadly, he wiped a tear away from her cheek with a thumb, "I can still lean on you, I know this. But there is a difference between leaning and smothering."

As his fiancée seemed to ponder his words, Dark picked back up the thread of their conversation, _She'll experience…something unique. I can't explain it, because I don't know what form it will take. I assure you, however, that it will not be physically damaging. Choices have power, Shinji. Each decision you make prunes a near-infinite number of paths down to one, and the powerful annihilation of those branching realities…that energy has to go somewhere. It is part of the reality_ she _created here. The reason you must not aid her. Not if you wish to prevent unceasing devastation._

… _Where's Gentle?_ The realization that he was only speaking to half of the voices that typically spoke to him suddenly looming ominously over him.

 _Enjoy your evening, Shinji._ A hand laid itself lightly atop his forehead, _And again…congratulations._

The lack of Dark's presence became apparent, and momentarily distracted him enough to allow Hikari to roll out of his clutches to sit atop his waist, "Careful, please," he urged. "I'd really rather not tempt Suzuka-san into beating me about the head and shoulders for letting you hurt yourself, Hikari."

"Oh, it may hurt a bit," she teased coyly. "But it's going to happen, Shinji." Trailing her hands around his stomach, she wrapped herself in the confidence he admired, "You've made enough decisions for tonight…now I'm making one."

Feeling her thighs clench against him, Shinji's eyebrows climbed a fraction as she spoke volumes regarding her intentions without uttering a single word. "…Oh."

Her smile shifted towards a vulpine grin, "I hear that's a common sound made during this, yes." Bracing her hands atop his chest she leaned heavily against him, her hair fanning down and swaying tantalizingly close to his nose, "The shower, Shinji. I believe that's where we'll start."

"…Start?"

Clicking her tongue chidingly, she tapped his nose, "Don't lose your loquaciousness now, my love. We have a whole night ahead of us, and I'm interested in what that eloquent tongue of yours can manage."

+++++ 7th Angel + 3: Wednesday (48)

Maya lay down in her apartment for what she felt would be the last time, wondering how her two favorite people were getting on following Shinji's proposal. _It was a wonderful day he gave me._ Staring up at the ceiling, she allowed herself to dwell on what it would look like, Hikari's youthful beauty straining…Shinji gently dominating her. _Disgusting_.

The stray negative thought caused her to lose focus, _Disgusting? It is certainly nothing of the sort. Where did that come from?_ Rolling onto her side, she scowled at the wall, "It felt nice to be held by him. To hold her…."

 _Is that what we want? To sit there and dream about them with each other? To linger on the memory of the scraps they gave us?_

Nervousness flooded her being as she thought back to the conversations regarding 'control', "You stop that. I am not going to be fooled by any-"

 _Fooled? Are you so hard up that you don't even recognize yourself?_ The mental voice snorted, _Whatever happened to our senpai, huh? You're so worried that you are about to become her that you haven't even stopped to try and free her after Shinji-kun all but told you that she was being controlled! Is your love for her so shallow that it was replaced by an abused teenager and his emotionally shallow vestigial appendage?_

"I don't love her," Maya whispered. "I loved the idea of her. So I like being bossed around? Who doesn't, from time to time?"

 _If you liked it so much, why didn't you push just a little harder? You're always waiting for someone else to claim us, and then when someone finally does you ignore the fact that he's already taken. He has to ask his girlfriend permission to love us, doesn't that just make us feel oh so wonderful?_ There was a pause, _We. Are worth. More. In this life, we can get more. Take it!_

Fatigue and fear mixed together, and she shouted out her final word on the matter, "I am not listening to you!" Covering her head with her pillow, she mentally sang the lyrics to her favorite children's show until sleep finally released her from her suffering.


	58. Chapter 58

+++++ 7th Angel + 3: Wednesday (48)

Entering the school building now that he had a fiancée seemed even more odd than usual, especially after he had experienced far more than he'd anticipated of what Hikari had to offer him physically,. "You know," he spoke softly enough that he wouldn't be overheard, "I appreciate that Misato wants me to graduate. She wants me to have a 'normal life', somehow, and have something to stand upon if this ever ends."

"But after last night, this seems so cramped and confining?" Hikari sighed, smoothing the blanket that covered her legs as she rode in her wheelchair, "I fully agree, Shinji. Our duties may mean we are obliged to show up here and do our best to assist our fellow students in learning, but I would personally light the building on fire if it meant I could go back to bed with you."

His reply was strangled, his throat constricting around his own thoughts being spoken so bluntly by the woman he loved, "Hikari!"

"Hush," she reached behind her shoulder with her opposing hand and tapped his paw. "We agreed that we wouldn't lie to each other. I'm just keeping my word."

"Horaki-chan," the gym teacher called out, jogging over and motioning for Shinji to halt, "Ikari…uhm…." The big man seemed at a loss suddenly for how to proceed, "I'm very sorry," he bowed, "I honestly have no idea how to address you now."

"Just '-kun' is fine, Sensei," Shinji motioned hurriedly. "Please, I'm just another student while here, no matter how many weird alien fights I've been in. 'None of us are greater than the all of us,' right?"

As the man regained his base, he had an easy-going grin, "How about we choose '-san', then." Shaking his head ruefully, he gestured towards the office, "The principal would like to see both of you in his office." Spying the ring on Hikari's hand, he brightened, "Oh! Hey, is that?" Gesturing to the hand, he made a motion around his own ring finger with a hopeful smile, "Yeah?"

"She accepted my proposal," Shinji admitted cautiously. "I hope that won't put the school in a bad light, Sensei."

"No!" The gym teacher waved off the idea, "I think it's fantastic. Congratulations, both of you. Our two brightest stars joining in a single sky? That's wonderful news." Moving to escort them, nodding in greeting to the agents that maintained a discreet distance, he signaled towards the office, "Please. We need to prepare before the morning announcements."

Changing the chair's direction, Shinji kept his pace steady to avoid upsetting his passenger, "Prepare?"

+++++ 7th Angel + 3: Wednesday (48)

"Have you lost what little mind you had to start with," Kozo roared into the phone receiver. "A _Baron_?!"

Misato stood next to Maya, slightly apart from General Benoit and Idunn, watching as the Commander of NERV Tokyo-3 demonstrated exactly how displeased he was with the surprise announcement of his star employee receiving an honor from the Imperial Family at a ceremony to be held at his school. Tapping out a code to the woman next to her, she silently asked, 'Proposal?'

Maya, using the toes of her right foot against Misato's, replied in the same manner, 'Accepted. Report says happy.'

Misato's small squeak of happiness was covered over with a subtle cough. 'You?'

She hesitated, 'Fine. Friend or lover, their happiness is mine.' Wincing as the phone was most likely broken by the force of her boss hanging it up, she shifted her foot away to ready herself to act as necessary.

The sudden calm that overtook Kozo surprised three of the four people in attendance, "Ok. That should buy us some time." Gesturing to the General, he made a grasping motion, "I assume you have it?"

"Right here," Philip walked over and extended a scroll to his colleague. "As I am rather unfamiliar with the renewed aristocracy in your nation, I had to make some assumptions in my reading of the proclamation. France's nobility ended quite some time ago. Though I've studied the histories, I've little practical experience in the matter."

"An outdated system brought back to settle jangled nerves," Kozo snorted. "Regardless, this plays into our plans rather neatly. I hope that whoever proposed this can be found, because I'd like to thank them vigorously in private. After, perhaps, punching them once or twice."

Misato, as expected, was the first to break the stasis that had overcome the three ladies present, "Uh…sir?"

"Playing my part, Colonel," Kozo's eyes absorbed the information on the silken parchment. "As Commander of this installation, it is expected that I would be beyond apoplexy to discover that I had not been consulted on the sudden promotion of my star player to a titled noble. We've been desperately squelching any information regarding him and his fellow pilots; if I accepted this with equanimity, they might suspect the spies we've planted."

"You should have seen the two of us when we received the initial report," General Benoit chuckled darkly. "I am rarely caught unawares, and I do not take kindly to those few events when they happen." Taking off his uniform jacket, he laid it over the back of a nearby chair, "He will need to make several public appearances, starting with the visit to his school by the Imperial Princess. We'll have media crawling all over the school, and I won't be able to split my agents over multiple sites with the heavy hitters focused on keeping the wolves at bay, so everyone attends."

"Sir," Idunn held her temper down by a thread, "have I done something to upset you?"

"I was busy, Agent," the man gave as much of an apology as rank allowed. "I called you in after Lord Ikari's date had concluded, knowing that you would be exceptionally busy during it." Changing the person he addressed to Maya, he raised his eyebrow expectantly.

"Asked and accepted, sir," she reported tersely.

"Fantastic," a brief smile crossed his face. "I'll have to ask my son to arrange time to attend the wedding, bring his family." There seemed to be more to his pause than a simple thought could contain, "I'd like to see them."

"The reception," Misato corrected, unaware of the recent near-tragedy. "I would assume the wedding will be Japanese, which means only the bride and groom are present during the ceremony. We hold a big party afterwards. Speeches, singing, heavy drinking…the fun stuff."

"I'm surprised you're so calm about this," Idunn looked askance at Misato. "I'm already narrowing down my hitlist."

"Oh, I've transcended anger," Misato smiled cordially. "I'm just happy my little man is marrying a wonderful woman. I'll help you hunt down the first victim later once the glee wears off and the bloodlust settles in."

"Let's keep the sacrificial knives sheathed, ladies," Kozo rolled the scroll firmly, handing it over to Misato. "By Post-Impact protocols, he now is entitled to an obscene amount of security from the Japanese government itself. If the UN suddenly pulls funding as we tighten the noose on SEELE, those of you that choose to remain behind to help me keep the world turning won't be operating alone."

"My department has already declared autonomy under emergency provisions," Philip murmured as he worked numbers on the nearby whiteboard. "As has the Pacific Fleet." He shook his head, erasing a digit and writing a larger value, "Admiral Drake has stated that due to the assault on his vessels, he can't in good conscience abandon the most likely target just to float aimlessly about the ocean. While he refits and rearms, he's providing the enforcement of our NFZ and actively blockading the islands in concert with the JSSDF."

"No-Fly Zone," Misato explained to Maya, handing her the scroll as she moved past to stand near the whiteboard. "Sir are we expecting an assault? I'm pretty sure you're laying out a short-handed OOB here."

"If I were in their shoes, I'd have plans in place to invade this installation either once victory could be declared or my own defeat ensured. Or, during a moment when the command staff was expected to be largely off post participating in a surprise ceremony." He tapped the board, "I know a number of the JSSDF commanders, having worked with them during joint operations as my nation fulfilled our obligations in deflecting Russia's tantrum. There are some good men and women, and a few that I wouldn't trust with a puppy in a room filled with cameras. Those are the most likely to lead the troops in an attempt at a coup. We can't do more than we are to convince the average trigger puller to doubt the legality of an order to take over this installation, and most of them wouldn't be given a chance to oppose it regardless. We need to focus on isolating the commanders, the most likely bad actors, make their peers pressure them into sitting on their hands."

Idunn sighed, turning to Kozo as she understood her boss was now doing his duty and cooperating with the better trained Colonel to set up temporary defenses, "Sir, this pushes our plans forward by months. We were planning on slowly introducing him to life as a public entity, acclimatizing him and encouraging him." Gesturing to the parcel Maya held, she snorted, "Now we're kicking him into the river and telling him it's sink or swim!"

"Then it's up to us to support him," Maya stated calmly, maintaining strict control over herself. "In whatever way we have to."

"Which is why you two are here," Kozo nodded. "While General Benoit brings Colonel Katsuragi up to speed on our new toys and our plans to use them wisely, I want you two to nail down a definitive list of who _he_ trusts that _we_ can trust. Of everyone here, you two know him best. We will be introducing him to strange new people, and we all know how hard that is going to be on him." The kindly Professor was speaking, not the hardened Commander, "We are culpable for his life being upended, and we will not demand that he face this without the support of people that he trusts."

The redheaded agent hesitated as she saw the potential for an explosion building, "That may not-"

"My duties with the Science section are going to cut into this, sir," Maya interrupted. "I'll balance the tasks as best I can, however you've also tasked me with providing a constant command presence with Shinji. I trust Agent Haraldson to know the right people to trust, and the right people to mistrust. If she's willing, I'll analyze her lists after she's given them several go-throughs. Adding my perspective where appropriate, and hopefully not slowing this down too much."

Kozo looked to the senior-most protective agent, "Is that agreeable?"

Idunn was surprised when Maya's look was mildly conciliatory, "If Major Ibuki feels my judgement is sound, I'll do my best, Commander. I will need her input from time to time, but I understand that we've loaded her section down heavily already, and that she has the best direct access to my principle. Her time is better spent soothing his anxieties while I do some of the heavier lifting."

"We'll have you over for dinner…tomorrow? No." Maya looked down at her phone, checking her calendar, "After the ceremony at the school he'll need to hunker down and recharge. We'll aim for Friday," she looked up to Idunn, "that will give you two days to come up with a list, and I'll help you sell Shinji on the necessity of it."

"I expect a significant command presence at the ceremony," Kozo stated loud enough for the entire room to hear. "Prepare your stations to provide sufficient coverage in the unlikely event we're attacked by the Angels. They've tended to be about a week apart, but let's not be caught with our pants down while we flex our muscles in public."

+++++ 7th Angel + 3: Wednesday (48)

Hikari could feel the weight of Shinji's anger, though every time he looked over to her he had a pleasant smile on his face. Her classmates had been wonderful, politely denying that she'd harmed them by suffering a health crisis, as well as commenting and gushing over the ring she now wore. Most of the men in the class had patted Shinji's back and congratulated him, those few who didn't were simply too shy to do so in public. Most of the women either congratulated Hikari or made enough of a gesture to be considered socially acceptable despite their jealous irritation. Again, those few who didn't were either too shy to do so, or Rei Ayanami.

As they had arrived in class, Rei seemed perplexed by the ring more than anything. When Shinji explained what it meant, her statement of, "That is tactically unwise," led to her fiancé taking Rei aside and calmly spelling out the situation. The bluenette returned to Hikari and bowed, apologizing if she had given offense. Hikari simply found it fully in character for the bizarre young beauty, and denied in full honesty that any offense had been taken.

Through it all Shinji's anger had remained constant. The instant that the principal announced the next day's ceremony, his hands had clenched in the way they tended to when he leashed his temper. His only comment, other than answering the older man's questions with the refrain, 'I'm sorry, I didn't know', was that 'he was fine'. Wisely keeping her comments on situations other than the fact that she was now marrying a form of royalty, Hikari spent the class breaks recounting the less personal parts of Shinji's proposal to her classmates.

When lunch came, she allowed him to wheel her down to 'their' tree. As they passed students, several of the bolder ones extended their well-wishes, hoping that she recovered soon or praising Shinji for being a 'good boyfriend'. Once they were safely under the shade of the tree, Hikari felt safe in trying to act as a pressure release by taking his hand and dragging him down into a chaste kiss. Allowing him to pull back, she held his hand, "You are doing fine. We'll find you something to punch after school."

"I'm sorry," seating himself, more dropping onto the ground than gracefully descending, he left his food unopened. "This has to be hard on you, Hikari, and I'm acting…petulantly."

"You're acting like a man who's just been blindsided, again, by life," she retorted firmly. "Shinji, being angry is perfectly justifiable considering you've just had your anonymity stolen. That you are holding it together, not snapping at our peers, that is what matters. Stop killing your emotions. It's unhealthy, and against everything we've worked towards this past month and a half."

"I guess…." Setting aside his meal, he crooked his knees and rested his wrists atop them to let his hands clench and relax, "I guess I just wanted this week to be about you." The first honest smile she'd seen since the visit to the principal crossed his eyes, "I wanted to make everything special, show you how much I need you."

"This week _is_ special," Hikari teased gently. "I have the man I love, I'm getting healthier by the day, and I get to look forward to comparing a Western bed to a futon later tonight." Her last comment delivered with a throaty purr, she saw his cheeks gain a touch of pink. "Shinji," she waited for him to look over, "we sacrifice of ourselves for each other. You work harder every day to give me the kind of life you want for us, in exchange, I accept that things will always be complicated. Some people aren't meant for the simple life, and it's useless to mourn that fact."

"You work hard too," he reached over and held her knee. "Don't think I haven't seen you do your best to stop me from smashing my desk into firewood. You put up with a moody, sullen, mess, and you announce to the whole world that I'm the most wonderful man alive. You're back in class despite not being fully recovered, setting an example for everyone. I only work as hard as I do because I have an example to aspire to, Hikari."

"And that's as it should be, my love," she placed her hand atop his. "Because I work as hard as I do to be worthy of you."

"Uhm…." A youthful voice drew their attention as one, "I-I'm sorry," the young lady bowed in apology, "I…I was hoping to take your picture…uhm, f-for the school paper." Hoisting her camera as if to prove that she wasn't lying, she kept her body bent in half, "Th-the administrators asked th-that we run an-," issuing a startled cry as she felt a hand on her shoulder, she looked up to see that Shinji was bent over, leaning towards her slightly with a calm smile on his face, "a-ar-article."

"Please," Shinji urged her upright, "don't stress. If it will help, we'd be glad to pose for the paper. However, I must insist that Hikari-san remain sitting. She isn't well enough to stand for very long yet, and I can't allow her to risk her health."

The young lady blushed to her roots, "Of course!"

Shinji walked around to stand on Hikari's left, placing one great paw on her right shoulder, "Will this do?"

Placing her hand over his, displaying her engagement ring prominently, the Class Rep made a calculated move to finish spreading the word around school that Shinji was now and forever off the market, "The lighting here should be sufficient, shouldn't it?"

"It's great!" Setting her shutter speed and exposure to account for the scene, the young woman contorted herself to gain different angles and backgrounds. After a straight minute of frantic photography, she rapidly flicked through what she'd taken on the viewscreen and timidly approached, "D-do you w-want to see?"

"Please," Hikari smiled gently, urging Shinji to stand still as he took notice of his guards beginning to move. "Did you find one you think will work best?"

"Th-this one," turning the device around, she offered her work to them. "It…uhm, it includes your tree…and the school. D-do you l-like it?"

"I'd like a copy, if that's possible," Shinji approved, planning how to manage the situation as it appeared to deteriorate before his very eyes. "I think that's a fantastic picture, kohai. You have a real talent, you must practice very hard." Extending his hand, he kept his smile in place, "Would you mind if I took a closer look?" The camera hit his hand as his protective detail arrived, "Pictures, agents. Nothing untoward." Gently handing the camera to Akane, he let his voice convey his irritation, "She has a deft touch, and is cooperating with the office to run an article in the school paper. Regarding tomorrow's ceremony."

Mikoto let her partner scan the images, "Not our idea, sir. I think we're of a mind about the whole thing."

"OPSEC demands we vet things, kid," Akane apologized politely to the young photographer. "I know you're too good of a person to go around selling these, and it'd be a shame to make a fuss over nothing, but orders are orders." Finishing her perusal, she moved back to one she'd found, "Do me a favor, I'd like it if you willingly deleted this one. A show of good faith."

"S-s-s-s-s-," snatching back the camera, she deleted the offending image and turned the camera back around to show she'd done it.

"Great," Akane's smile was professional and cordial, "make sure you save a copy of the paper for me, yeah? Nice to have another perspective on my favorite couple."

The underclassman bowed again, "YES, MA'AM!" Taking off at a dead run, she made a beeline into the building and away from a situation that had quickly gone from frightening to terrifying.

Shinji gave a flat look to his guardians, "Was that necessary?"

"Picture had a reflection of our deployment in the yard," Mikoto replied contritely. "Junichi-kun was able to get out of the way of most of them, but one of them had him in it. We can't stop all surveillance from happening, but we'd be stupid to make it easier for them, sir."

Hikari covered over his muttered curse with a firm dismissal, "Thank you, ladies. I appreciate that you didn't act as heavy-handed as you could have."

"You can thank us best by getting out of that chair as soon as possible," Akane stated with an honest smile. "I want to see you dancing with him at the reception, not being spun about on wheels."

+++++ 7th Angel + 3: Wednesday (48)

Slowly moving Hikari towards the car, Shinji was glad that his school day was over. It was a frequent feeling, one he remembered extending for as long as he'd attended the public education system, but the knowledge that he could finally unclench his shoulders served to reduce his irritation enough that he was able to remain polite to the two women who'd done nothing more than what their duty demanded they do. "Thank you, Akane," he stepped aside to allow Mikoto to manipulate Hikari into the vehicle.

The agent had gained more than enough experience around her charge to know that his anger wasn't aimed at her, "You ready to see your new digs?"

"If we could please make a stop at his work?" Hikari spoke up, "I'd like to visit the Engineering section. See if they've made any progress on something for him to take his anger out on."

"No need," Mikoto shook her head. "They've included a gym in your new house. They've been there all morning fine-tuning it, using the data they gained from you sending that chunk of metal through their materials." She looked over to her partner, "I still say it'd be worth it."

Akane rolled her eyes, "And I think after he fractured someone's entire body into tiny pieces, our job would be that much harder." Shooing Shinji to the other side of the car, she moved to get him situated. Calling over the roof of the vehicle, she continued her point, "He doesn't want to get into a dick-measuring contest, Mikoto-chan. He's already won it, no need to defend the title."

Hikari frowned, "What _are_ you talking about?"

Begging her patience, the taller agent finished her task and climbed inside the vehicle just as the shorter did, "A couple of the guys are interested in gauging their strength against his," she tossed her thumb at Shinji.

"Me?" He blinked, "Why?"

"Dick-measuring," Akane replied disgustedly. "They're taking it rather hard that the man they're protecting can dismantle them without trying. Forgetting that it isn't our individual job to _win_ fights, it's our job to _prevent_ fights."

"We win when nobody gets hurt," Mikoto agreed. "I just think that making an example of one of the more idiotic agents would stop the whole discussion from continuing."

"I won't hit someone that doesn't deserve to be hit," Shinji stated firmly. "I won't even hit someone who deserves it if I have another choice. We're all supposed to be on the same team, and sparring is fine, but intentionally trying to hurt ourselves only aids the enemy."

"He won," Akane repeated. "Our man's dick is bigger, longer, and none of the idiots we work with are taking that title."

"While I don't have a real-world basis of comparison," Hikari stated primly, "I will gladly inform any of them that what you're saying is true. What little I've seen in film; my fiancé does indeed have a size advantage over any other male around."

Shinji blushed, turning in shocked amazement to his fiancée, " _Hikari!_ "

Akane smirked as her partner howled with laughter, "I love my job."

"So," Hikari ignored her fiancé's sputtering protests, "if you would kindly inform them that if any of them wish to fight _him_ they first have to fight _me_ , I would appreciate it." Sliding one hand over, she took Shinji's and held it firmly, "If they think he's dangerous now, they should see him after I've been hurt by an idiot."

"That should shut the entire idea down," Mikoto chortled, still amused by Hikari's earlier claim. "None of them have the protections we do, and he'd erase them from existence if they lifted a finger to harm you."

Shinji, still crimson-faced, pleaded with the three women to change the topic, "So…this gym?"

+++++ 7th Angel + 3: Wednesday (48)

Kodama greeted them at the new house, giving Shinji a warm hug and whispering, "She said 'yes'?"

Shinji's smile told the woman all she needed to know, though he did apologize as was his nature, "I'm very sorry that I pushed the last of the work on moving the house off onto you, Kodama. The evening was…better than today has been."

Casting a sympathetic look to him, the nurse moved to wait for Hikari to finish lowering to the ground so she could hug her as well, "Bad day at school? Were people being idiots about you two getting engaged?"

"No, actually," Hikari shrugged, "there was some jealousy. Natsuko and Seika scarcely recognized the ring as legitimate. Tsuru-chan, on the other hand, made a very compelling case for herself. She helped me out all day while Shinji was busy acting as a supplemental tutor for the class."

Kodama turned to look back at the man she adored, "Tutor?"

"They don't need much help," Shinji waved off potential praise before it could build. "The public education system seems to put a lot of stock in memorizing everything, and I'm just giving them a chance to adopt some of the learning methods that Sensei taught me, instead. Little tricks here and there, any success is to their credit."

Hugging her sister, Hikari laughed, "The class' grade average has climbed five points, Ko-Ko. _Five_." Sitting back she pointed to Shinji, "That one thinks that he has nothing to do with it, of course."

"Now, now," Kodama chided gently. "We don't chastise poor Shinji in public. He would never dream of doing that to us, so we'll not do it to him."

"This…uhm," Shinji once more sought to change the topic, "this seems like a nice house. It's only one level, though." Looking around, he pursed his lips, "In fact…where are all of the other houses? Was that gate…is this a secure compound?"

"Give it a few minutes, sir," Mikoto stretched. "The boss said she wanted to be the one to hold the grand tour, and she and Major Ibuki are inbound. Got a little held up in a meeting."

"O…k," he shrugged, looking for something to talk about, he asked the next question, "where's Nozomi-chan?"

"School," Akane leaned against the vehicle, seeming far too casual. "They're keeping everyone later today to make up for the lost time. Testing, I was told."

He proceeded to the next point, "Why aren't you two…guarding?"

"Because nothing is getting through the security gates without tripping both the biological and mechanical alarm systems," Mikoto replied with a shrug. "This area is a no-go for ninety-nine point nine percent of living organisms in this area. Someone would have to be using a scope to even have a hope of hitting you, and would have had to somehow eliminated the guards manning the border to set up the shot. I'm keeping my eyes and ears on, but I don't have to be hair-trigger about it, sir." Gesturing past his shoulder, she smiled, "Quick, look busy. Boss is coming."

Parking her black sedan behind the larger SUV intended to carry the household, Idunn hopped out with a quick apology, "Sorry! I had meant to be waiting here, but the Commander kept us later."

Maya, to Shinji's surprise, climbed out of the passenger's seat with a happy grin. Having been forced into a car with a woman she seemed to have a problem with, he hadn't expected her song to speak with as much joy weaving through the displeasure. "Congratulations!" She jogged over and gently pulled Hikari into a hug, "Oh!" Lightly rocking her girlfriend, she demonstrated enthusiasm safely.

The tall redhead came over and patted Shinji on the back, "Congratulations, Shinji." Extending her hand, she smiled more broadly when he took it competently, "I look forward to the headache of planning security for your wedding and reception. Colonel Katsuragi says that the wedding is a much more private affair, so at least that will be easier."

"Tradition is important," Hikari stated as Maya moved to wrap Shinji in a hug. "Though now that he will have a part in the renewed aristocracy, I'm less certain how much input we'll have on the whole affair."

Trading positions with the major, Idunn crouched down by Hikari's chair and gently took her hand, "Congratulations, Hikari." She shook her head, lowering her voice, "I don't know who thought that pulling this stunt was a good idea, he's enough garbage piled on his shoulders…we shouldn't be tossing more up there." Shifting the topic back to happier things, she grinned, "That's a very understated ring, it's beautiful. Fits you very nicely."

"It was our mother's," Kodama announced proudly. "We all agreed that the first Horaki to wed would wear it."

"My fiancé," Hikari speared him with a glance, "cooperated with my aunt to have a goldsmith resize it. I'm a little smaller than mom was, Kodama's closer to her figure."

"I really was worried it wouldn't fit properly," Shinji held Maya to his side. "I've already sent a written message of gratitude to the smith, he accomplished a miracle in my eyes. I couldn't even see where the ring had been altered."

"It's a wonderful way to include them in the ceremony," Idunn agreed. "I'm very sorry I didn't have the chance to meet your father, his advice on the entire situation would have been invaluable."

"He would have been proud to include Shinji in our family," Kodama announced firmly. "He told me more than once that it was a matter of 'when' not 'if'." Making a swipe at her eyes with her thumbs, she clapped her hands, "No more sad topics. We're moving into a new home, and we need to fill it with happiness."

"Indeed," the lead agent stood tall, "everyone, if you would kindly follow me. I would love to show you around your house." She walked backwards up the long entrance path, "This was built by the engineering section after the decision was made to change how we do business in the city." Gesturing to the sides of the walkway, she indicated the recently tilled earth, "Things will look a little 'fresh' for a time, since even with modern construction marvels you can't avoid disturbing the land itself."

"It's only been a few days," Shinji blinked, looking around, "all of this?! That's…impressive."

Maya, holding onto him, kept her pace lively to avoid having him feel like she was dragging him down, "They laughed when I asked them how hard it was, Shinji. 'If we can rebuild a defensive line in less than sixteen hours, which means seven hundred plus automated turrets, repairing a network cable built to withstand several hundred thousand Newtons, electricity, ventilation, all while possibly being under enemy fire? This is child's play'." Her miming the voice of the much larger man was done with a stern expression, and when she shifted her tone back to normal she seemed to be pushing her smile out, "They'll be gifting you a photo of the team that accomplished this, and they've asked to take a picture with the both of you in front of the house to include in their unit's history."

"Pig-burn," he murmured.

"Hmm?" She looked up at him, not sure she'd heard him correctly, and worried that he'd called her something negative after finding out somehow that she'd fought with herself.

"I should hold a pig-burn. That's what Raffle calls it, some form of barbecue I guess. It's a way to promote fellowship, and thank or congratulate people. Inviting their families, holding a barbecue, it would be a good way to thank the engineers for their hard work here." He looked to Idunn, "Could that be done? With the security in place, I mean."

"You let me plan out the details," the redhead nodded with a happy smile, "and I'll make it happen. We've got plenty of land to use nearby, so I don't have to let people traipse about your house and create havoc. Thank you for thinking about my responsibilities, Shinji." Opening the door to the inside of the house, she kicked off her shoes and stepped out of the way, "Ladies and gentleman, welcome home."

Once all five people had entered, Hikari tugged on Shinji's sleeve, "Help me stand. I want to walk around my new house. If you have to, you can carry me when I get tired."

"Sis," Kodama put a touch of pressure in her voice, "we need to be cautious."

"I don't want wheelchair tracks all over my new carpet," the class rep insisted. "I'm feeling much better, and I promise that if I start to wobble I won't argue against my fiancé picking me up. It's the best offer you're going to get, Ko-Ko."

"The areas are wide enough to walk around three-abreast," Idunn held her arms out to her sides, showing that she couldn't touch both walls at the same time. "If you wouldn't be opposed, Major Ibuki could take your other side. That way two people are supporting you as you move instead of just one, albeit very responsible, person."

"A good compromise," Maya agreed, moving to assist Shinji in helping Hikari stand. "This way Kodama can show off her hard work from last night, we can leave the chair here by the door, and our realtor can show her pride in her craft."

"We'll stay here," Akane chuckled from the porch. "We've seen the place enough, and when company arrives we can act faster."

"Then," Idunn waited for Hikari to be steady, "we'll start with the family room."

The main room of the first floor, the hub from which everything else connected, seemed as if it had been taken from a science-fiction television show instead of the house they'd recently occupied. Shinji felt that the word 'cavernous' was not out of place in the context of the area, nor 'ginormous' the wrong word to use for the television that dominated the wall opposite the seating arrangement. Concealed in the wall was a series of speakers to create appropriately dynamic acoustics, though the next thing he noted gave him pause, "Cameras?"

"They will be monitored," Idunn grimaced. "The Commander, my boss, and even Admiral Drake himself all insisted. They will be fed into a black box on site, and are not connected to the MAGI network. Access to the box is limited to myself and upper echelon staff, meaning Sub-Commander Katsuragi or above."

"We _just_ ," he began, cutting off when Hikari squeezed his arm.

"Shinji," he could tell that she was attempting to be reasonable, "if someone manages to defeat the security around the house, comes in, and kidnaps Nozomi-chan…don't you want to have evidence we can use to find them faster? If Agent Haraldson says they won't be monitored, we should take her at her word."

"I swear," Idunn held up her hand before her chest, "if I find anyone has somehow accessed the imagery from these cameras without approval there will be no safe place on Earth for them. The cameras are _not_ hidden, nor are there any that are pointed at private areas. We've covered the entrances, and this room. Windows have their own systems in place, but won't be recording what happens in those rooms. Bathrooms do not have exterior access, and so do not need cameras in place. We'll get all the data we need from people entering or leaving, you have my word."

Shinji's jaw began to ache, reminding him that he needed to find something to punch soon, "If someone spreads what happens in our house, I will hold you personally responsible." His eyes held little by way of mercy in them, "This is their sanctuary, Idunn. Not their prison."

"We're in agreement, then," the smile she gave him was filled with sorrow, "because I wouldn't hold anyone else responsible, either." Turning to proceed towards the kitchen, she added quietly, "It's supposed to be your sanctuary too, Shinji." Guiding the group to the next wing, she lightly touched the dining room table, "Large enough to host a significant number of people," making an effort to rebuild excitement, she laughed, "which I think will be used often considering the way you've been picking up friends and colleagues."

"You could fit twenty people around this table," Hikari worked to help Idunn. "Not that many chairs though, we'll have to buy more."

"They're in storage," Kodama gestured towards a nearby door. "Since typically we'll only have between three and eight people, I left most of the seats in there. Otherwise the table feels 'empty', when we should instead have it feel 'lively', right Sis?"

"A quiet dinner always felt wrong," the freckle-faced beauty nodded, looking up to Shinji. "I had to get on Daddy more than once for goofing off to make us laugh. His manners were a terrible example for Nozomi-chan at times, something I don't have to worry about from you."

Spying the attached kitchen, the Third Child failed to hide his surprise, "That's…all very new."

"A gift," Idunn moved them towards that room. "I understand that the proprietress of the Blue Crane worked with Kodama to arrange for this all," she turned to the younger woman, "Kodama? Did you want to explain this one?"

"Xu-san knew that you wouldn't be willing to splurge," the eldest Horaki pulled out a chair for Hikari so that she could walk Shinji into the kitchen. Once her sister was seated, she took his arm and whispered, "The two of us had a chat. Everything's…better." Raising her voice again to a conversational tone, she let her smile shine forth, "Every piece of equipment in here was chosen specifically by her. If she wouldn't allow it in her kitchen, it didn't make it in here."

"It's…very expensive looking," he worried.

"Early wedding gift, according to Yang-chan" Hikari called from her seat. "It didn't make sense to wait to buy you the things she knew you'd love, and Xu-san wouldn't let me spend our money on lesser quality items."

"The layout is set," Kodama apologized. "The connections kind of force the geography to be where it is. But," she gestured to the utensils and various smaller appliances, "everything is going to be placed where _you_ want it to be. This is your room, Shinji," leaning against the center island, she flicked her finger between herself and the others, "not ours. Yes, we can cook. Yes, we enjoy cooking from time to time. You, however, make masterpieces out of simple things."

"Everyone agreed," Maya added. "This is where you find the most calm in your day. When you can lose yourself in creating art to feed the people you care for, when you can shut out the world and focus on the simple things."

Gratitude barely covered what he felt, the acknowledgement of his problems, the consideration that everyone was giving him. _I need to stop being so angry. I need to try._ Turning to face everyone, he placed his fists against his hips and assumed an irate expression, "Then why did you make me pack everything? If we weren't bringing it here, I just wasted an evening!" Unable to keep his lips from twitching, laughter building in his throat, he failed to keep his tone stern, "I spent all night packing as I planned yesterday, I'll have you know. Washing everything, packing it so it wouldn't break!"

"Oh please forgive us, sir," Kodama threw herself dramatically against him, looking up piteously as she batted her eyelashes. "We're frail little women, trying so very hard to please our big strong master. Can you not overlook our transgressions, for the sake of our loving lovey-love?"

"Frail my butt," Shinji chortled, losing any ability to keep up the act. "I've seen what you three can do." Lightly touching the stove, he smiled, "I'll have to see what we have on hand. Dinner tonight will be special, and I think I can create something great here."

Idunn's phone chirped, and with a flash of irritation she pulled it out and read the message. Her good mood, having seen Shinji actually enjoying himself, vanished. "Damn it all…." Sliding the device back in her pocket, she looked to Maya, "I need to go. The forward team has arrived at the school, and they want to talk to me."

"Idunn," Shinji set Kodama down gently, moving to bow towards his bodyguard, "thank you. I am sorry for snapping earlier. You work very hard to keep everyone safe, and I shouldn't second-guess you at every turn."

Shifting under his bow, she hugged him upright, "Don't." Smoothing her hand along his back, she let her head rest on his shoulder, "You don't deserve the crap people are putting you through. Through it all, you're still focusing everything on the women around you. You're the kind of person I hoped I'd one day be able to protect, and I should be thanking you for staying true to the man in here." Leaning back she tapped his chest, "Enjoy your evening, Shinji. This is _your home_. Not just theirs, ok?"

"I'll try," he nodded once. "Be safe out there."

Everyone waited for a moment as the tall redhead made her way out of the house, not wanting to appear rude or dismissive. Once the door closed again, Hikari looked to Maya, "Microphones?"

"None," Maya shook her head. "I've read the schematics, and interrogated the Commander. He agreed that Shinji needed a place to unleash his problems without feeling like he was being judged, I conceded the same point you made earlier. If something bad happens, having video evidence makes our job easier. Lip-reading is, at best, a great deal of guesswork. Anyone who's on monitor duty is unlikely to have the skill practiced to any great degree. You're safe here."

"It's something," Shinji sighed. "I'm still very sorry that I've brought this into your lives." Looking to all three women, he shook his head, "You deserve your privacy."

"We deserve the choice," Kodama disagreed. "We've been given that choice, we've made that choice, and we're living through the results of our choices." Patting his chest, she moved back into the dining room, "C'mon Baby, I want to show you the rest of the place."

+++++ 7th Angel + 3: Wednesday (48)

The rest of the house tour took little time. Each person intended to live in the home had a room, though Hikari's room was declared a 'guest room' by everyone but Shinji. Maya laughed that her space was larger than her current apartment, and she quickly declined her girlfriend's offer to take up residence with them in the 'master bedroom'. Kodama, proudly showing off her new room, announced that she'd even made certain to verify that each person's chambers were soundproofed, to avoid the problems that had recently cropped up with frightening Nozomi due to her and Shinji fighting.

The 'basement', such as it was, was dominated by a fully furnished gym, with the laundry area behind a small partition. Various exercise machines for the occupants, more televisions, and an entire segment along one third of the room filled with a dojo. Bowing properly as he stepped onto the floor mats, Shinji paced out the area, "They…really went all out." Feeling the walls, he estimated that there was enough padding to absorb him throwing anyone into them as hard as he could without risking significant damage, "This has to be ridiculously expensive."

"It's an investment," Maya reassured him. "Not once has anyone attempted to strike at any of the other potential targets. We're taking their security seriously, Shinji, but everything is focused on _you_. It doesn't make a lot of sense, strategically, but you'd have to talk to Misato to get into more than a cursory amount of detail."

Frowning, he tried to piece together the reasons for SEELE's hatred. A few steps took him to a punching bag with a stylized '01' emblazoned on one side, "It doesn't make sense, I agree." Feeling the bag, he could make out the density of the material, recognizing the handywork performed during his post-Angel exercise test. "If you take out Rei-san, or Asuka-san, you weaken me." Punching with little force, he set the bag to moving. "If you take out Misato-san, or if they'd tried to take out you, Maya," another punch, harder this time, caused the bag to dance. "Or the Commander," a third punch, "or attacking the guards," his fourth punch was at half strength, and still the chain connecting it to the ceiling showed no signs of laboring heavily.

"Is it personal? Something to do with your family, perhaps?" Kodama mused, helping Hikari work her legs out on a stationary bicycle, "They can't attack your father, so they attack you?"

The next series of punches were at close to full strength, his determination to test the craftsmanship growing with his questions, "They know my father and I don't get along. If they know this much about me, they know that." Speaking over the 'tak-tak-tak' of his punches, he shook his head, "I don't disagree, it might be personal. But it would be about something I'm doing. Something I did."

Maya was clinically observing the man she adored, as well as judging the design choices for the heavy bag, "Might they know about your time travel? Announcing it would be silly, because proving it is impossible. It'd be a conspiracy theory, at best."

"I thought about that," Shinji agreed easily. "But why try to kill me, then? Why not kidnap me and try to get as much information out of me as possible?" Adding in a few knee-strikes, he poured himself into his efforts, "We don't know enough about SEELE, and I guarantee you the Commander knows more than he's telling us." He knew he should be breathing heavily, his exertions were not 'small', but he was denied even the pleasant burn of the lactic acid in his muscles, the pain absent, "He's protecting us, and I can't deny that from his position it makes sense to keep us in the dark." Hopping back, Shinji swung the heaviest kick he could manage, the bag absorbing it stoically, "This is really well made."

"Good," Hikari kept pedaling slowly. "Then you can try and burn off some frustration down here, from time to time."

"It isn't healthy," Maya sighed. "You should be speaking to someone, we should be trying to find medications that work with your new body to dull your anxiety."

"If wishes were wings, the cat would have the canary," Kodama shrugged. "We can either adapt to our situation, or waste time lamenting that it isn't perfect."

"I trust you to try and find something healthier, Maya," Shinji smiled sadly. "Just as I trust Hikari to try her best to work within what we have available. Just as I trust Kodama to try new, crazy, things to get me to adapt to a life I never would have anticipated living." Looking to the three women, he held his hands out to his sides and flapped them against his hips, "We can't directly impact the fight against SEELE. It's not our war. Our war is the Angels, and whatever these voices want from me. NERV can't help us there."

"Everyone has their duties," Hikari slowed down, leaning on her sister to climb off the bike. "We are putting ourselves, and each other, in the best possible positions to succeed." Standing straight, she looked around the room, "This is our house. Now, let's try and make it _home_."

"Starting with dinner," Shinji agreed. "If the food was brought over, I still have some beef I can use. I'm thinking hot sandwiches of some sort. Any objections?"

+++++ Author's Notes:

Bcaffera: RE: Shinji's slow progress.

A lot can happen in a month and a half, and Shinji's come a long way. He does, however, have a lot further to go. He'll probably spend a very long time even post-story coming to terms with a lot of his problems, but that's the nature of recovery. Wellness is a journey, not a destination, you know?

Martial Arts Master: RE: Ritsuko.

The nature of attraction is distinctly personal. Often what we, as humans, desire isn't what we believe it to be. Maya was the best way to show that lesson, not only to the audience but eventually to Shinji. It's painful, but many 'first true loves' turn out to be poisoned apples.

B11ZZ4RD: RE: Triple-X.

To my knowledge, such scenes are verboten on this site. As I don't want to have written everything I have only to have it be reported and deleted without warning, I'm going to have to leave it as an exercise to the readers. I've written the scenes, they exist, but they won't be posted to abide by the TOS I agreed to when I signed up. If I'm wrong, anyone here is always free to correct me and I'll reconsider.

My personal philosophy is that sexuality is an important part of human nature, and the exploration of it in fiction is important to providing understanding of the intimacy of relationships between characters. A well written sex scene should do more than just titillate, and when I wrote the scenes I have it was with the intent of pushing myself to do more than excite.

But, again, rules. I'll abide by the ones I agreed to abide by, if for no other reason than I don't want to have the fic taken down.


	59. Chapter 59

+++++ 7th Angel + 3: Wednesday (48)

"I'm just saying," Hikari lifted her hair so that Shinji could wash her back, "the Western mattress adds bounce. It's a different sensation, not a 'better' sensation. If you prefer the futon, then we have a futon."

Still overcome with the mixture of awe and joy that he was experiencing, having once again engaged in his newest and most favored form of 'exercise', Shinji was willing to let the woman he loved declare anything she so chose, "I've always slept on one. I'd rather adapt to what you want, Hikari. If you want a mattress, a bed, a futon, an earthen garden, I'll make my bed there alongside you."

"Oooh," she purred thoughtfully, "a garden. Do you think we could set up something outside to try? If they aren't close enough to see, chances are good they aren't close enough to hear us." Letting her hair down, she looked back over her shoulder with a teasing pout, "Certainly not you, Mister Stoic. If it weren't for how expressive your face is, I'd not know I was doing anything for you until the end."

"I'm sorry," he blushed slightly. "I'm still…nervous. I've lived my whole life thinking this was wrong. Even before Asuka came and declared everything 'perverted', I didn't do anything like you've said I should have. Give me time, I'll…try to…."

"You do what you want to do," Hikari stated calmly, with a firm undertone. Turning back to face away from him with a fond smile, she let the mirror before them show him that she was at peace, "You are already trying a great many things I've asked for, and I'll never accuse you of being unwilling to compromise. I'm simply more…enthusiastic, and that's fine. I'm _more_ than happy with what we've done, if a little sore."

"I'm sorry," the automatic response was out before he could reel it back in. Her eyebrow lifting reminding him that she'd specifically said that he shouldn't apologize for nature's designs. "Yes, yes, it's not my fault. I just…have to accept that you know you best."

A knock on the door presaged Maya poking her head in, "I'm sorry that took me so long, working from home is nice but it isn't perfect." Walking in once she was certain the path was clear of obstruction, she slid the door shut and lifted her shirt over her head, "I promise, I'll try to make enough time for us to spend together."

"Don't worry," Shinji reached back and pulled out another stool for his girlfriend, "it is no different than me having to drop everything and climb in Unit-01. You're an adult, with an adult job, and far more adult responsibilities than are fair to you."

"If we have to give up our time together to make sure that Shinji survives the next fight," Hikari shrugged, "then it's part of life." Smiling seductively, she leaned slightly for a kiss from her girlfriend, "I happen to like how this part of life looks, though, so it's really just a good deal for us."

Once again watching the two women show affection, Shinji pressed various portions of his mind to come up with a complaint. _I know I said that I feared being replaced…but I don't anymore. If I asked her to, I truly believe that Hikari would choose me._ A thought tugged on his consciousness, and he admitted something that worried him, _I think Maya would too._ Fear that he wasn't succeeding at balancing his priorities suddenly filled him, _I've pushed Maya and Hikari to show affection. I want them to know that I'm ok with it. But…am I being affectionate enough with Maya? How does Hikari feel when I am?_

"Mmm," breaking off her kiss, Hikari leaned away from her girlfriend towards her fiancé, "Shinji, would you be a dear and help me into the tub?" Looking over at the feature, she laughed, "Or should I call it 'pool'? 'Lake'? I really didn't think I'd ever have a house that had a bath I had to step _down_ to get into. It seems so…decadent."

Set in the floor itself, Shinji had to agree with his love that the bathtub was excessively generous. He could fit, comfortably, the entire household and most of his bodyguards without having to cramp together. Offering his arm, he allowed Hikari to pull herself upright. Her insistence that if she didn't begin to use her muscles they'd continue to atrophy was both sound and sane, and he fought off the urge to cradle her further as soon as it rose up.

Gripping the railing on the stairs leading down into the heated pool, she smiled, "Do be a dear and wash our girlfriend. I'm going to spread out and enjoy floating." When he leaned down to give her a kiss, she whispered, "Touch her, Shinji. I'm not going to be jealous, and you've been holding back far too much. She's _ours_ , my love. Show her that."

Maya, unaware that Hikari was plotting, carried on the previous thread of conversation, "It seems excessive, but it's actually really well designed. The system uses the same purification and filtration mechanisms as the LCL injectors. Purity-wise, even after someone's bathed in it you could use the water to flush out a surgical site without concern after running the cleaning cycle. The method is based on rather old technology used by the-" Startling slightly after Shinji gently relieved her of her sponge, she laughed, "Oh! Sorry, I was going technical again."

"You were being you," working the oddly formed pad around her shoulders, Shinji smiled happily, "and I like it when you feel comfortable enough to be who you are, Maya."

"We fell in love with _you_ , Maya," Hikari agreed, floating on her belly and resting her chin on the rim of the bath, "I happen to enjoy learning new things from an unreasonably adorable teacher. It flips all the right fantasies, without the burden of you having to grade our papers or give us pop quizzes." As Shinji lingered at his duty, she rolled her hand, "So, tell us. How does this work? Is it really going to stop us from wasting a lot of water?"

"I-it," the young major swallowed as her boyfriend massaged her lower back, discovering without knowing it a place that began to feature prominently in any number of erotically charged fantasies, "it r-removes solids, anything o-over one and one haaaaaaalf…." Melting slightly as Shinji pressed harder, attempting to remove what he thought might be a stubborn piece of something or other, Maya listed to the side, "micrometers."

Reacting quickly, Shinji caught her and braced her against his leg, "Maya?"

"Tiny, tiny, particles," she giggled, "not like you." Looking over towards her girlfriend, she saw Hikari pantomiming kissing then pointing at Shinji, "The pores in the filters are small." Slowly climbing to her feet, she found herself only slightly taller than he was on one knee, "Smaller in diameter than a human hair. But the filters are incredibly durable," pressing her lips to his, she combed her fingers through his hair, "they stand up to intense heat, pressure, almost anything we throw at them." Another, longer, kiss, "Kind of like you."

Hikari's grin went unnoticed, "So, if what you're saying is true, all sorts of naughty things could happen in this tub."

Maya opened her mouth to respond as Shinji's hand lightly caressed a new location, changing the direction of her airflow from outward to facilitate speech, to inwards in order to not collapse in a puddle of boneless pleasure. She did make a noise that could be interpreted as an agreement to Hikari's thesis, though it wouldn't have been wise in her opinion to hold her to that position in a court of law.

It was Hikari's turn to assess her opinions on sharing, and so she watched raptly as her fiancé used the knowledge he'd gained from their night's entertainment to improve Maya's mood. She was frustrated that he didn't appear intent on making that final push, and showed no signs of moving in that direction, but she could appreciate that he was taking things slowly. _After all,_ she thought with a sigh, _it took us quite some time to even begin to explore that boundary. He's not an unthinking slave to his hormones, and I should endorse that. I don't want him to ignore me, after all. Sharing Maya with me, good. Ignoring me for Maya, bad. Simple, but honest._

Her mind began to travel similar paths as Shinji's, pondering how she'd feel if Maya was another woman. Unlike Shinji, she came to some distinct conclusions. A generic female human was quickly discarded as irrelevant data, she couldn't see her lover simply bedding some random woman. Specific ladies began to take Maya's place, and her emotions became conflicted. Misato sparked fear, the mental comparison between what she could offer him and the untold pleasures of NERV's resident bombshell didn't lead anywhere good. _That's...odd. I'd_ love _to feel her against me, am I nervous about Shinji finding better?_

She suppressed a chuckle as Shinji used a similar technique that had set her to screaming rapturously into a pillow, _She wasn't ready for that._ Forcing her mind towards discipline, she continued her thoughts, _Am I just not threatened by Maya? Will I only accept her because I don't feel she's 'competition'?_ Concentrating, she imagined several more partners. The girls in her school all failed to inspire the same fear, even those few she contrasted herself unfavorably against. Few inspired much emotion at all, as the idea of Shinji bedding the majority of them was itself ludicrous on its face.

 _His tastes are so obvious,_ she frowned. _He loves a woman that is intelligent, caring, thoughtful, and what he believes to be kind. Myself, Maya, my sister…that's why he didn't really fall into Ritsuko's trap. I'd call her many things, but 'kind' isn't one of them. She's powerful, commanding, compelling, but she doesn't have the moral grounding that seals the deal. So who does that leave? Is that the basis of this relationship? The limit?_ Laying her head on her forearm, she attempted to locate another woman that met all of the requirements.

Surprising herself, she imagined their resident redheaded Norwegian assuming a similar pose atop Shinji's knee, _Oh?_ Her eyes narrowed, _She's definitely commanding. I've seen her take charge, even though she tries hard to let Shinji see her reasoning. She's powerful, no one who's weak can be as successful in earning people's loyalty as she is. Is she compelling? What would draw him to…of course. She listens. She asks him questions, and then takes what he says to heart. She's forever trying to get him to relax, to trust her. She cares, obviously as a brother or a favored cousin, but she cares about him. Yet…no jealousy. She's not my type, too tall, and Shinji hasn't once commented on her looks. Damn._ Her lips quirked to one side, _I can't determine how I feel if I can't imagine Shinji actually doing anything. It's impossible to be jealous of the impossible!_

"S-stop," Maya pushed back slightly, breaking Hikari out of her thoughts. "I…I need to stop."

"O-oh," Shinji moved to set her down, frowning as Maya clung to him, "I…what's wrong?"

"I'm going to jump you, if we continue," she panted. "So…we need to stop." Looking the scant meter away to her girlfriend, she smiled longingly, "You." Her hand trembled as she tried to point, "You! Giving him the green light. You just started, Hikari. You don't need to share just yet."

"Need to?" Hikari laughed endearingly, "Of course not." Pushing herself back, she sat against the far wall, "I don't _need_ to do anything. I don't need to share him. I don't need to ask who he loves, or if someone he's with at work and him are having sex, or why he was out late, or why there was a hesitation in his answer to a question about his phone." Her eyes held her audience's attention, "Because imagining Shinji doing any of that is like imagining a dog performing vector calculus: farcical. Ridiculous on its face. It's not 'need', Maya," she shrugged, "it's want. I want you two to be happy."

Shinji kept his hands in locations that he felt were 'safer'. "Still," he contended, "if Maya says she wants to stop. I think we should stop." His body had obviously responded, and responded well, though he refused to acknowledge that fact.

"She wants to stop because she doesn't want to have me feel like she's stealing my toy." The class rep sighed, "Maya, if this is going to work we need to be free to give or receive whatever affection we feel like giving or receiving when we feel like giving or receiving it. The only people that should have veto power are the people giving and receiving the affection. If I have a horrible day and don't feel like kissing anyone, I get to say so. If you go to Shinji because you're feeling like receiving affection and I can't or won't give it to you, and I feel jealous, then that's a horrible sign that this won't ever work." She gestured to Shinji, "If he stops feeling like he can trust me to be responsible with our relationship, then that means we weren't meant for each other."

"Hikari," seeking to broker peace, he lifted Maya up and carried her with him into the tub, "jealousy is normal, even in friendships." Settling his girlfriend next to his fiancée he backed up and sat against the opposing edge, "I think Rei is jealous of Asuka, to a degree. She sees me going out of my way to do nice things for a woman she doesn't like, and feels like I might be ignoring her. Back…back where I came from, I could tell that Toji was upset whenever I couldn't go out with him and Kensuke. Asuka eating up all of my time by demanding I do everything for her, it hurt him."

"A little jealousy is normal," Maya tried to back up Shinji's argument. "Uncontrollable jealousy isn't. There's only one Shinji, Hikari. If he's paying attention to Kodama, he's not paying attention to you, or me. Wouldn't some jealousy be normal, even healthy? All it would mean is that we wanted what someone else was having at that moment, that being Shinji's affections. It's our baser nature speaking, and when we control that baser nature to share our happiness with others we wish to be happy, we prove our humanity."

"I…don't feel jealous, though," Shinji frowned, looking to Maya. "When you two kissed, before, I was happy." Tugging on his hair, he realized the hole in his own argument, "I'm not saying I'm normal, and I realize I'm undercutting my own argument here…."

"Or," Hikari offered, "maybe we know why this is going to work." Hugging Maya close, she smiled at Shinji, "Because I don't feel jealous when I see you and her kissing either. There's a reason not everyone can do this, and there's a reason Misato said we shouldn't try it. Out of every hundred people, there may only be one or two who can have a chance at succeeding."

"Then…maybe this won't work," Maya hesitated, smiling awkwardly. "Because I always feel a little pang of jealousy. Imagining myself with you, Shinji," she looked woman at her side, "or you, instead of standing by and watching."

The voice of not-Shinji came to the fore, _It can become eternal, or it can fail at the first hint of trouble._ "We don't have to stop forever," he offered hurriedly. "We can both be right, can't we? Maybe for Hikari and I it works because we don't feel jealousy when it's with you, maybe for you it works because you are willing to not be completely driven by your baser nature, like you said." _Layered truths,_ "It's…it's like lasagna, everything working together, but separated into layers. It only tastes good to everyone because there's things everyone enjoys. Maybe you're not terribly fond of the mushrooms, but the cheese is just your style."

"We shouldn't give up at the first hurdle," Hikari agreed, unknowingly echoing not-Shinji's warnings while not wanting things to implode so quickly, "the three of us can get a feel for each other's needs. The amount of affection we desire, the amount of time alone we require, Shinji's right."

"Or," Maya gently disengaged herself, "my jealousy could overwhelm something beautiful. I could become the reason your marriage fails, because I'm asking for more than either of you are able to give during incredibly trying times." Shifting away slightly, she faced the two people her heart yearned for, "What if, Hikari, you and I never click beyond a physical thrill? What if Shinji somehow becomes the only one I truly love? What if he and I make love, and you and I never can? You're asking for a true and honest relationship, and I'm asking true and honest questions." Climbing back out of the bath, she didn't look back as she grabbed her towel, "Until we know for sure…I don't think it's a good idea for he and I to become sexually active."

+++++ 7th Angel + 4: Thursday (49)

After having soothed Hikari's anxiety-induced tears and giving her the medication she was to take in the evenings to aid her in sleeping, Shinji left their bedroom and moved into the kitchen. Having her phone right by her head where she could call him from anywhere he travelled, he felt more confident in engaging in a more constructive course of action than going to the gym and pummeling the bag. _Though I might still do that._ Lunches for everyone, as well as planning out the breakfast, became all-consuming. The soundproofed rooms were a blessing, as he could work without fear of waking people.

He could also mutter to himself, "Of course she's right, you idiot." He chopped his knife rapidly through the leeks, "You've said it yourself for weeks now. Everyone deserves a chance to choose, everyone deserves a chance to say 'No'. It doesn't matter what you feel, what you think, what you want. You have someone, you have a wonderful someone. You have the best someone on Earth." Slipping everything from the cutting board into the pan, he added a touch of oil and the heat, "Who does Maya have, when this all goes downhill? At least have the temerity to admit that's what hurts you most of all. That when this fails, and it _will_ fail, that you'll only be hurting because Maya will be alone again. It's not like you have emotions other than pain, hurt, and anger."

Water chestnuts stood no more chance at resisting his ministrations than the leeks did, "Oh, you were all over her. You were enjoying it. So I guess you also feel pleasure. _Your pleasure_. Is that an emotion? Useless animal that you are." Slapping the knife against the board he swept the next batch into place, "Of course it isn't. Emotions are for humans. They're for thinking, living, beings. What are you?" Catching sight of his two-toned eyes in the reflection from the microwave's door, he scowled, "Not an animal, a machine. Enter input, output anger. Point me at a monster, I kill it. Point me at a problem, I resolve it. Someone _else's_ problem, of course. Of course."

The mushrooms fell next, "You already have your answer. She's just waiting for the right moment to say that this isn't a good idea. She's smart, smarter than you, _idiot_." His motions accelerated, "The worst part isn't that Maya will be alone. No. That's a lie. It's that Hikari will be hurt because I asked her to try. I opened us up to this. I could have said 'No'. I could have taken all of the blame. I could have taken the hurt on myself, and just suffered in silence." Shoving the mushrooms into the pan, he growled, "No! Not suffer. I don't suffer. Humans suffer. Humans hurt."

"I apologize." The little warning that statement provided didn't assist him much in preventing what followed. A sharp rap on his wrist with the hilt of her wooden sword and Suzuka disarmed him of the kitchen knife. A follow-on slap to his shoulder spun him to face her, and a blow to his solar plexus knocked the wind from him, dropping him to his knee and one hand. "I believe we have spoken of the inappropriateness of denying your humanity, Shinji-dono."

Lifting his chin to look him in the eyes, she smiled regretfully, "We all require refresher lessons from time to time." Smashing her knee up under his chin, she sent him sprawling back along the kitchen floor. Turning off the stove as she passed, she sighed, "You are allowing your anger to control you." While there was no pain, physically, his body still suffered from the strength she was able to bring to bear. Sliding her sword free of its loop, she placed it atop the center island and shook her head sadly, "I do not believe I will allow that to continue."

"It," he hiccoughed, his lungs trying to force his diaphragm to stabilize, "isn't…your choice."

"You are correct," she agreed, stomping on his chest and forcing him back to the floor, "it's yours." Digging her heel in, she leaned down, "You are strong. I know this. You know that I'm also rather strong myself. You're letting me control the fight, because you aren't controlling your anger. Control your anger, Shinji-dono, or this is going to be a _very_ long morning."

The next hour was a reminder that as much as he'd learned, Shinji Ikari had not been fighting for hundreds of years. Shinji Ikari, at most, had been fighting in a giant robot for a handful of months. Shinji Ikari had been training to fight hand-to-hand for less than two. Whatever else he was, he was not ready to attempt to fight the woman before him one-on-one. He couldn't even attempt to defend himself, she would not allow it. Breaking through his guard as if it were never raised at all, she smashed him against every hardened surface she could reach, damaging him without damaging the house.

When, at last, she sat down atop his chest with her legs demurely tucked to one side, he was given enough of a break to see that she had not actually shown up at random. His eyes touched the clock on the wall, "I forgot about our lesson." Slumping down, he felt drained, emotionally and physically. "I'm sorry, Suzuka."

She tilted her head, her long silken tail of raven-black hair dancing in the light as she ran her fingers through its length to unknot the tangles that had appeared during their impromptu sparring match, "Are we now friends? Are you prepared to proclaim that?"

He frowned, trying to make sense of what she had said, then playing back his statement before laughing, "I'm sorry, Suzuka-san. I didn't mean to be rude."

"Shinji," she sighed, flicking his nose with her middle finger, "don't dither. It's an unbecoming trait in a noble, and an undesirable trait in a warrior. If we be friends, proclaim it yourself. Then we will both have done so, and can dispense with the next of our boundaries."

"…We're friends, Suzuka," he reached up and patted her knee. "You're the second friend that's kicked my ass. I learned something the first time…let's hope I learned something this time, too."

"Excellent. Then, as your friend," rolling off of his torso she gained her feet and offered him a hand up, "I ask that you make me breakfast. I'm hungry."

Taking her hand, he stood slowly, "It'll take a bit." Moving to the kitchen to wash his hands, he grabbed one of the stools and placed it out of the way for her to sit upon, "Let me explain what happened." Once he began preparations again, he slowly worked through everything that had worked him up. His learning that he was to be made a Baron, "A distinction without a purpose, I think it's called." His worry that Hikari's glory had been stolen from her, without any way for him to make it right. The cameras in the house, even if the command staff were correct in the utility of their presence. And last, but nowhere near the least of concerns, Maya's accurate assertion that perhaps everything wasn't intended to work out. That he'd just, in front of his fiancée, engaged in near-carnal acts with a woman that then proclaimed jealousy.

"I pushed this, Suzuka. I said 'No', and then let Kodama convince me to try. When I opened myself up to that, I realized how…wonderful Maya is." Sliding a healthy meal to the swordswoman, he poured her a mug of tea and set it down beside it, "I don't regret Hikari being 'first', or even being 'only'. If I never knew the touch of another woman, I would live my life full and happy without any regrets." Closing the last of the lunch boxes, he started to wash the dishes, "But I allowed the risk, and that makes the result my responsibility. I can accept losing Maya's love, because in her I have a wonderful friend. What I can't accept is that my failure to stand strong, even if I was permitted to be weak by everyone, will now cost my fiancée's happiness."

"At least you will make a wise leader," Suzuka murmured thoughtfully. "Mayhap it is best that this happened now, rather than a month from now. This realization on her part will induce a great deal of contemplation, from all parties, and a little pain in the short term will spare greater in the long." Tucking into her breakfast, she chose to give him time to contemplate his response.

Following several minutes of slowly, cautiously, cleaning the mess, he shook his head, "I can't pressure either of them. I need to give Maya time and distance if needed to make her decision. I need to support Hikari, let her know that even if Maya decides she can't pursue a relationship that we're all friends still. When…Maya says she can't."

Suzuka kept her eyes on her plate, reducing the pressure she knew he would be feeling from her words, "Are you so certain of her answer?"

"I…hear…things," Shinji hesitated, uncomfortable with out-and-out declaring his inhumanity. Especially after the morning's 're-education'.

"You're speaking to a woman who has been alive for several hundred years, Shinji. If you have abilities beyond that of a mortal man, I do not believe you need fear me thinking you touched in the head." Sipping her tea, she caught his eye and smirked, "We are beyond such simple descriptors, you and I."

"Lie to me," he turned to fully face her, accepting her at her word. "It doesn't matter about what, just lie to me as hard as you can."

Tilting her head, a curious set to her eyes, she began, "I believe you to be a scoundrel and a cheat, a horrible man for which no forgiveness may be granted. To tolerate your touch is more than I can stand, to think about you embracing me incites me towards revisiting my dinner. Vile, unconscionable, duplicitous, you are a shame to both your family and mankind." Sitting upright and adjusting her clothes to hide her discomfort, she finished and placed her hands in her lap, "Will that do?"

Wincing at the painfully discordant sounds from her song, Shinji nodded, "Y-yeah…wow." He now, unlike her jest, felt truly nauseous, "You…don't lie often, do you?"

"I have little use for it," she shrugged. "Beyond the enjoyment I find in the truth, there is a simple pleasure in knowing that I will outlive any of those who may take offense at it. Do not, however, confuse speaking fact with being rude. There are ways to couch such things to spare the feelings of those whose company I prefer." Turning back to her meal, she nodded, "So you know the truth when you hear it, and the lie sounds oddly on people's tongues."

"Everyone has a song," Shinji worked his jaw, massaging his ear canals. "Well, not everyone. People who care for me, they have a song that I hear. It's possible that everyone does, and I'm just more attuned to those that care for me."

"A difficult thing to test, as no other would hear such a thing for you to ask to compare," she agreed. "What does my song sound of, if I may ask?"

He tried to come up with a simple description, eventually relying on his recently discovered penchant for poetics, "A bamboo flute at twilight, the whisper of the night as it slowly approaches to cool the tempers of the earth itself. The gentle crush of millions of cherry blossom petals as they carpet the ground of the woods with a tender embrace." Nodding, he accepted that it was as accurate as any other, "It's a delight to hear, Suzuka, but kind of hard to describe."

He was almost too shocked for words as he saw a blush alight on her cheeks. "Your words are enough, thank you." Hiding her face in her drink, she pressed on and past the moment, "And so, you believe you have heard in Ibuki-chan's song that she can't balance her own jealousy with her desire to share you and Hikari-chan more fully?"

"I heard what she said, and that she believes it is true," Shinji countered. "She didn't state things outright, but she never does. It's like you said, there are ways to couch the truth so that it hurts less to hear it." He looked towards the bedrooms, and frowned, "She's always helping me think things through clearly. She…she'll always be my friend, and I love her."

"Then that is what you say," Suzuka set down her drink. "If, or when, she is ready to commit to a physically loving relationship, you all could try again. For now, accept that things may have been rushed to a conclusion that was ill-fitting. No situation or existence is forever, Shinji. Not even yours and mine."

Turning back with a fond smile, he shook his head, "If you and I do end up living forever, Suzuka…I'll at least be with someone who's company I enjoy. I imagine eternity can become rather lonely without such a gift."

"A talent for embracing the hard truths of the world and a capacity to determine its lies," standing, she reclaimed her sword. "You are a rare man, Shinji. I am fortunate to know you."

+++++ 7th Angel + 4: Thursday (49)

Arriving at the school, Shinji was quickly separated from Hikari with a fierce apology from a mixture of agents and people he didn't know. While he was being fitted in the appropriate attire for the day's ceremony, she would be receiving similar treatment in the presence of the Princess who would be granting him his title.

A kindly old man with a warm laugh finished explaining with a smile, "And it would be most inappropriate to expose you before Her Highness, would it not?" Directing the servants that had accompanied him, he talked Shinji through what was happening as it was happening. That Idunn was present, with her back turned, seemed to amuse the chief attendant greatly. "I've seen the footage of you in your work clothes, good sir. I think you'll find your formal attire far more concealing."

"We have a new suit waiting," Idunn protested quickly. "He just hasn't had to fight anything! We're not forcing him to parade about in that for our amusement." Nearly turning to address her principle, she remembered at the last second that he was semi-nude and corrected herself, "I promise, Shinji. Major Ibuki has had people working on it. She thinks she's cracked the problem, and you know how talented she is."

"I'm fortunate to be working with the best, I agree," Shinji could sense Idunn's nervous energy and wanted to help where he could. "Sometimes, though, sacrifices are made to ensure victory. If I had to, I'd pilot without anything on. That I have the cover I do is a luxury, with what's at stake."

"Ah, the strength of our nation's future is in good hands," the old man laughed again. "It will be a pleasure to see you climb the ranks, good sir. A true pleasure."

When the finishing touches were applied, Shinji looked into the locker room mirror and tried to hide his discontent, _They might promote me?_ "Idunn," he held his arms out, "what do you think?" Now garbed in the traditional robes of the aristocracy, Shinji felt absolutely ridiculous. "The grey and black bring out my hair, maybe?"

The tall agent turned and took in the sight of him in the attire of his people, a foreign sight to her, and answered as honestly as she felt she could, "I wish I knew why there were so many layers, Shinji. I hate to say it, but you look like you've been wrapped as a present, to me."

"He is a gift to all of Japan, Madame," the old man smiled tolerantly. "Perhaps it is best to think of him as such. Every nation has had its share of tragedies, both inflicted and self-inflicted. To know that during this particular tragedy, we have also produced the cure to its ills is a great boon to morale and the spirit of our people."

"That's fair, sir. I hope you understand I mean no disrespect," she smiled charmingly.

"None taken, Madame. I am certain that were I to see the traditional robes of your people, I would find them just as humorous. A culture is most familiar to those who were raised within it, and a curiosity to be puzzled through to all others. I am glad that we will be able to share some of ours with you, as we see a new star added to our sky." Urging Shinji towards the door, he set his staff to cleaning up and opening doors, "Now, let us see if Her Highness is ready to see the good sir."

Walking through the halls with none of the typical staff or students about was an odd experience for Shinji. Only once had he ever stayed later than the end of class, when the school might seem this empty, and that was with the woman now sitting in a wheelchair surrounded by strangers. Controlling his sudden burst of anxiety, he relied on the calm Suzuka had provided earlier in the day. _Having my ass kicked provides strange benefits_ , he mused.

Once they reached the room that had been taken over for the day by the ladies, Idunn patted Shinji's shoulder, "I'll be back out once they're ready for you." Hurrying in, she disappeared quickly from sight.

"If I may, good sir," the old man asked quietly. "I am given to understand that the young lady in the chair is your fiancée?"

"She is," Shinji nodded, eyeing the door separating him from her. "She agreed to marry me only two days ago." The stilted speech of his elder led him towards mirroring it, "I am blessed beyond measure, she's been invaluable in keeping me from losing myself to madness or depression." His head stayed in motion as he maintained situational awareness, the training Paola and her compatriot, as well as Akane and Mikoto, possessed bleeding over with their pride in him, "As you know, I was never trained in Eva combat. More than once, I've held onto her spirit as a lifeline."

His minder hesitated, clearly desiring to avoid giving offense, "Is she…infirm? The explanation for her condition was incomplete."

"Before my journey out to the Pacific Fleet," Shinji noticed movement and focused on the area nearest it, "she was discovered to have a small mass next to her brain. They excised it, successfully, discovering that the mass was precancerous. She has been recovering, and her balance is still slightly off from time to time." A pair of agents moved past where he'd spied the motion, picking someone up from the bushes and carrying them off. _Kensuke…you idiot._

"A terrible disease," the old man sighed. "That it was caught early is a blessing, indeed."

Shinji looked back towards the man, letting his tone indicate his distaste for anyone who might speak poorly of his fiancée, "Why do you ask?"

"Ah," the sudden change in Shinji's mood seemed to catch him off guard, "as you know, marriages among the peerage are traditionally greatly sought after. I was simply determining the truth of things, so that I could better inform His Majesty." The lie was obvious, even without clarity from the dim strains of the man's song.

 _I won't become angry. Not now. I'm representing everyone, and I will not become angry._ "Paola-san," Shinji looked over to the nearby agents, "if you could ask them to go easy on Aida-kun? He has a penchant for letting his curiosity override his good sense, but I'm in more danger from stubbing my toe in these slippers than I am from him."

"Of course, Tesoro," the woman smiled in fond amusement. "Do try not to stub your toes, though. I've read that swearing around princesses is a good way to promise odd things you'll later regret."

"Shinji?" Idunn poked her head out, "They're ready." Opening the door wider, she kept her guard up as Shinji filed past her alongside the old man, and followed by several of the retainers. Nodding to her agents, she set them to guarding the entrance, taking the inside of the room on herself.

Drawn like iron filings to a lodestone, he moved over to his fiancée and stooped slightly to whisper, "Are you ok?" Taking in her traditional garment, he blushed at how beautiful she looked, "You look…amazing."

"I'm fine," the class rep stated calmly. Tilting her head to where the Princess stood gazing out the windows towards the inner courtyard, she tapped her finger twice and subtly shook her head once. A clear signal that something was amiss, the woman's actions not matching her words according to Hikari.

"Your Highness," the old man stepped to where he could be seen by the royal if she so chose, "it is my pleasure to introduce Shinji Ikari."

The princess was older, of an age with Kozo if Shinji had to guess, and seemed distracted as she absentmindedly dismissed her retainer with a gesture, "Thank you, you may leave."

"Your-"

"Leave." The second dismissal was unmistakably a warning that the third wouldn't end with a request that he only leave the room. Turning to face Shinji, she sized him up as the servants all slunk from the room. When the last had left, and only the Princess, the pair to be wed, and Idunn remained, she once more spoke, "Do you trust this foreigner, young Ikari?" Her words were harsher than her tone, the implicit insult in the term not truly intended.

"With the life of my intended, Your Highness." Stepping forward, he casually placed himself between Hikari and the elder woman, "Idunn-san has protected my world every moment of every day. If I had to worry about Hikari-san's safety, I would not have survived the lack of clear focus on my tasks."

Tilting her head slightly, she seemed to weigh his words on an invisible set of scales, "And your own life?"

"Is of no great worth," he replied honestly. "It wouldn't be fair to compare the two. I might as well compare the safety of the planet itself against the safety of an ant." Sensing that there must be a purpose to the line of questioning, he asked one of his own, "Do you not feel safe, Your Highness? I promise, Idunn-san is very good at her duties."

"Please," the self-possessed royal raised her hand to beckon him closer, "allow Us to take a closer look at you."

Shinji felt Idunn tense, and so he gestured slightly that he was fine. _She isn't a threat. I'm…starting to sense songs without actually knowing people._ Walking confidently over, he tried to exude a calm that he would offer to Nozomi if she were frightened, "As you wish, Your Highness."

Once he was where she'd indicated, the princess reached out and lightly took his chin in both hands, turning his head this way and that. Wizened eyes narrowed as she looked through him, searching for something that only she seemed to be able to see. "It's true," she sighed, seeming satisfied. "Not an ounce of hatred. Anger, pain…but no malice for your destiny. You have been touched by darkness, left to wallow in its cold embrace for ages, and yet when you came out the other side…you left without a mark." Patting his cheek, she seemed to relax, "We are content, otōto. It seems that Suzuka-chan has once more proven her sight to be unfailing."

"Suzu…." _Of course it was her, who else would it be?_ Shinji closed his mouth, aware that he'd left it slightly ajar as he remonstrated himself for not targeting the most likely culprit of his sudden ascension. Looking down, he tried to find something to say so he wouldn't seem rude, and was pre-empted by the woman before him laughing delicately.

"Do not despair, dear Warrior of Light," her hand gently patted his elbow. "What We offer you today is not intended to burden you. We offer this to you so that you may have more resources to fight, to emerge victorious from the crucible of fate." Guiding him back to Hikari, she let her guard down completely, "There will be some small tasks We must ask you to perform, all who serve at Our Brother's discretion are expected to demonstrate their loyalty from time to time. In your case, the tasks will not require that you travel to the Chrysanthemum Throne. To leave the seat of your sacred duty would be foolish, would it not?"

Shinji nodded, "I can't allow the enemy any advantage, Your Highness."

"And you, dear child," turning to address Hikari, the Princess continued to radiate kindness, "what was it that first drew you to Our otōto? We sense a great sorrow about you, it dims but does not diminish your aura. If We are to leave him in your care, to take heart that his spirit will not wane in the flames of war, We should like to know of your brief past together."

Moving behind Hikari, Shinji set his hand on her shoulder. Listening to her speak, he silently thanked the kindly old woman before him for her kindness. Somehow, despite not knowing the princess, Hikari felt comfortable enough to convey the entire story from her own perspective. His meeting her in the classroom, catching her as she was about to fall, Toji striking him, how he accepted the blow and refused to strike back. Shopping, cooking, cleaning, learning, and caring for the people around him, she wove a tale that he couldn't find the lie within. His heart filled to bursting as she spelled out exactly what he'd done without knowing he'd done it. _When she puts it like that…I wonder if she's any good at writing. I think we could sell a lot of copies of this, if anyone would believe half of it were plausible._

As Hikari reached the kiss in the elevator, how it led to another, and another, she blushed and looked away, "I asked him, because I knew he'd never ask me. In his eyes, I'm as far beyond his reach as the sun itself." Her smile grew, "To me, he's the reason I carry on, despite the difficulties in life. I may be his Light, as he calls me, but without him I have nothing to shine upon. An empty beacon, who would only be fit to serve as a mournful reminder of the glorious hero that once walked the Earth."

"Your sorrow will fade, in time," the Princess proclaimed gently. "All sadness does, in its own time." Sighing, she shook her head, "We would much prefer to remain here and listen to more of your story, dear child. However, duty is Our burden, and We must begin the ceremony so that its strict demands are met." Looking to Idunn, she once more assumed the mask of royal bearing, "Please convey Our daughter. We desire that our otōto assist us in Our old age to the ceremony grounds."

Shinji quickly offered his elbow to his elder, his own duty neatly spelled out for him, "You aren't old, onee-san." He presented her his hope-filled smile, "I've seen many much older. You have a long life yet to live."

Once more gazing into Shinji's eyes, she let her mask slip slightly with a smirk, "Flatterer."

+++++ 7th Angel + 4: Thursday (49)

As Shinji expected, the ceremony was a great deal of talking. He stood throughout the accolades, his knees loose as Misato warned him to keep them, and accepted acclaim from his teachers, the principal, Admiral Lazarev, Admiral Drake, General Benoit, Kozo, and finally the Princess herself. After everyone had finished making it seem as if he were the sole reason life continued on Earth, a notion that he had to admit wasn't _entirely_ incorrect, he received his title. Setting himself in seiza, he kept his back straight and his eyes forward, floating somewhere around the midsection of the woman before him.

"And so We are pleased to introduce to the world, Lord Shinji Ikari, first of his name, Our First Paladin of the Realm, Acting Regent and devoted protector of Old Hakone and its Environs," the elderly royal handed Shinji his badge of office, "long may he continue to serve Our children."

Recognizing his cue to stand, Shinji shifted his grip on his ceremonial sword and raised himself upright, _It's finally over. I feel absolutely ridiculous._ As the Princess turned away, he bowed to her, _All of that work I did to convince everyone I wasn't unapproachable. Gone! How on Earth are any of them going to see me as a peer now?_ When his benefactor took her seat, the retainer that had irritated her earlier listened to a whispered command, then shuffled quickly towards him, _What now?!_

His smile, either too well practiced to seem false or just genuinely demonstrating his pleasure with life, presaged his statement, "Her Highness wishes you to speak to your people, My Lord. A token speech, to set them in the right frame of mind."

 _Of course._ Setting his jaw, he forced the remnants of his whining youth to shut up. Nodding once, he stepped up to the microphone and looked out at the people who had assembled to see him 'ascend'. Behind him, he knew that his friends and family sat in support of him. In one row, Asuka, Misato, Noelle, a number of Admirals from the powerful navy docked nearby, the command staff of NERV, and several Section Chiefs. In the next, Maya, Kodama, Hikari, Suzuka and her husband, Gen and his wife, the elder Xu, and next to the matriarch of the Blue Crane sitting incredibly patiently and quietly, was Nozomi. Beyond the two rows were an array of support staff that had made the trip with their assigned dignitaries.

He caught sight of Rei sitting with her class, having declined to sit up on the stage. Her hair, as always, stood out brightly amongst the dark browns and blacks, and her eyes seemed to convey a sense of approbation with his taking a moment to look out amongst 'his people'. Parents, those that could on short notice, stood in the back of the gymnasium in orderly rows. His peers, those students that stayed in the city up to this point, were the typical mixture of personalities. Some waited patiently for him to speak, others seemed eager, and a few seemed impatient for this to be over with. It was the last group Shinji deeply identified with at the moment.

A verse from Asuka's song gave him the push he needed, and a beginning to borrow from a book he'd never known existed, "Friends, Children of Japan…Countrymen, I beg your deepest pardon as I am not accustomed to public speaking." He paused to let the last of his nerves settle, "When I came to Tokyo-3, Old Hakone, I did not come thinking that I was to fight titanic aliens or pilot a giant monster. I did not come thinking I would be more than another student, another citizen, another human simply trying to do his best for the people around him.

"Life, as we all know far too well, cares little for our plans, our intentions, our motivations. As students, our duty is to learn of our history so that we may know the path to our future. As citizens, our duty is to care for our elders, to guide our brothers and sisters in becoming better people. As humans…." He hesitated, lamenting that this particular burden might no longer be his, "As humans, our duty is to try with all of our might to give others our strength. To lift up those that have lost their path, to support those blazing a trail into the future for us all.

"Many of you look up on this stage and think that I am somehow special, or unique." Gesturing towards Rei, he smiled, "Sitting amongst you is another Pilot. Another Child that sacrifices every day her own hopes and dreams so that she may stand ready to defend us all." Turning slightly, he indicated Asuka, "Another sits behind me, travelling from her fatherland to the homeland of her mother, leaving friends behind so that she could support me with her unmatched skill and talent." Turning back to the audience, he spread his hands to include them all, "One day you too might be asked to sacrifice. It may not be in an Eva, or even in a war. It might be something as simple as part of your daily lunch, or part of your afternoon. The students sitting behind you, or before you; the adults to your side or those you pass on the streets, any of them might struggle with something that you know how to help with. Help them. Engage with them. Don't sit back and pretend nothing is wrong, don't deny humanity your strength!"

Sharing his hopeful smile with the crowd, he balled his hands into fists, "I climb into Unit-01, what many call 'the Purple Defender', and I am thankful that I do not fight alone. Thankful that the world I strive to defend will fight with me, that every man, woman, and child will aid those around them to safety. Will give shelter to those who lose hearth and home. Will accept a little less so that others may have any at all. We all must do our part, the afflicted must recover their feet and put their shoulder into the mountain alongside the hearty. The well off must share their knowledge to instruct the poor in how to improve their lot. Each and every one of us has something to give to this war. Each of us has a stake in this war. We win together, or every one of us pays for our selfishness."

Bowing slightly, he put his heart into his plea, "I need your help. Fight alongside us so that we may see a world free of this terrible war." Holding his position for a three count, he raised back up, turned to face the princess and bowed again, then moved to the seat that had been set aside for his use next to Hikari and Misato. The principal, acting as host, began to thank everyone for their attendance and issued other formulaic statements to wrap up the proceedings.

The formalities soon ended, the Princess taking time to share small talk with the 'foreign dignitaries', Shinji himself preparing for the onslaught of well-wishers and congratulations. With Hikari sitting in her wheelchair, he positioned them both at the foot of the stage in a corner at the advice of Akane and Idunn. Turning his attention to his fiancée, he took solace in her song, "How are you doing?"

"I'm tired," she smiled. "It's stressful to maintain focus for that long, but I'm fine. Don't worry about me."

"Small chance of that," Asuka snorted, taking up a position on Shinji's other side. "I'm not marrying you, and _I'm_ worried about you Hikari. Your man is right, it's the duty of the strong to protect the weak. Right now, you're a little weak, so it's our job to see you safe." Giving a grin full of fire to her comrade, she winked, "Right?"

Another fear Shinji had quietly accepted was dispatched, the woman beside him showing no sign of jealousy or aggravation at not being the center of attention, "Just so, Asuka."

"And congratulations," the redheaded pilot patted his shoulder. "Both of you. You planning on doing a traditional ceremony, or something unique?" She frowned thoughtfully, "Oh…well, now that you're a Baron maybe they'll ask you to do a state ceremony. Huh." She shook her mane, "Don't let them bully you. They conscripted you into this nonsense, you marry the way you want to marry, you hear me?"

Hikari giggled, "I see someone's taking your advice to heart, my love. Asuka's already protecting you."

"Darn straight," Asuka snorted, nodding firmly. "Nobody's going to bully my comrades, that's my job."

"Excuse me, Shinji-san," drawing everyone's eyes was Tsuru, who was accompanied by an elderly relative. "Do you have a moment to meet my family?"

"Of course," his attention was immediately diverted to the one classmate who had unequivocally supported Hikari the day she returned. _She's a good person, and her relatives have to be a part of that._ "Pleased to meet you," he bowed politely, "my name is Shinji Ikari. Allow me to introduce my fiancée, Hikari Horaki, and my wingman, the pilot of Unit-02, Asuka Langley Soryu."

Another hour of such introductions soon followed, his classmates, peers, teachers, all bringing their family and friends by to speak with the young man they universally claimed was a joy to know. He particularly enjoyed being able to crouch down and soothe the nerves of the children too young for school themselves. The calm he gifted to them was returned sevenfold, as he drew strength and patience from their little eyes losing agitation and gaining peace.

Once his obligations had been met to his peers, he turned to his guests. Admiral Lazarev and his aide-de-camp exchanged pleasantries with Asuka in German, the man proving to be a true polyglot. When he addressed Hikari, it was with a broad smile, "I see now that our good friend here was engaged in his typical understatement. Your teachers say that you have served as a student-leader for your entire life, Miss Horaki. I look forward to seeing you continue your ascent, and extend the same offer to you as I did to him. Please, when this is all over, come with your husband-to-be and visit my farm. I'd love to share the life and culture of my homeland with you and your family."

"Thank you, Admiral," Hikari inclined her head politely. "I would enjoy that very much."

The Admiral's assistant, a stout Georgian woman, looked around the room, "I trust you have many advisors, Miss Horaki. If you ever wish for career advice, there are a number of officers in the Fleet that would be eager to assist you. Military leadership translates very well to civilian leadership, though there are obvious differences. Paladin, here, will need you at your best. As the old saying goes, 'behind every truly successful man, is a woman of equal power'."

The pair moved on, Asuka engaging in a little spoken German as she guided them towards Rei. Shinji watched with a touch of unease, though the bluenette seemed to recognize the diplomatic nature of the event and remained neutral. She had, of course, surprised the officers by her recalcitrance and general demeanor, which amused Asuka visibly. _Please get along,_ Shinji quietly prayed, _I wasn't kidding when I said I need both of you._

Next, Admiral Drake brought Lieutenant Chambers, the younger woman in civilian clothes. "My boy, that was a fine speech. Duty, service, country. Every man, woman, and child should keep those in mind, and you've shown them a fine example to aspire to." The foremost officer of the Fleet then turned to Hikari and his smile became grandfatherly, "I am very pleased to know you came through your surgeries, my dear."

Lightly touching her head near the wound site, the skin continuing its journey towards healing, Hikari smiled, "Thank you, Admiral. I appreciate that you brought Shinji home as swiftly as you could, though I understand that keeping him with you was for the best. I am very sorry for the losses your Fleet suffered, I wish there were more we could do to help them and their families."

"She suits you well, Shinji." Hugging him in a relaxed greeting, Kelly whispered, "Need to talk. After." Stepping back, she crouched down by Hikari, "I have a few recipes he seemed to enjoy while aboard the _Over the Rainbow_ , if you don't mind exchanging numbers, I'd love to share them with you? Not that you need any help keeping him, considering he never once stopped thinking of you during his time with us."

"That would be lovely," Hikari offered her NERV-issued phone to the pleasant officer to take the data needed. "I intend on forcing him to let me serve him things, from time to time."

"He's an excellent baker," Admiral Drake grinned. "If his other skills in the kitchen match, I can only imagine the temptation to simply let him handle those affairs."

Polite greetings and introductions followed with the other naval officers, as well as the section chiefs in attendance. Hikari receiving universal praise for her poise, as well as hopes for a speedy recovery. When it came time to meet with the Shirakami in attendance, Kodama and Nozomi approached as well. "So," he addressed the most important person first, "Nozomi-chan, how does it feel to get to skip school this morning?"

"It isn't bad," she stated coyly, "I could get used to it. How does it feel to be a Baron?"

"The same as before," Shinji admitted plainly. "It's just a title, and some extra responsibilities. I'm still just Shinji, no matter what they call me." Embracing Kodama, he was cautious to avoid rumpling his clothing, "Thank you for coming, Kodama. It made it easier to have people I love supporting me."

"Well, My Lord," she teased, "when the Imperial Court summons its children, it is our duty to respond with alacrity."

"My daughter would disagree," the elder Xu added with an amused eyeroll. "She couldn't make up her mind what accessories to wear today."

Remembering the picture he'd taken with Hikari and Yang earlier, Shinji compared how the young woman typically looked against today's attire, "Green is a good color on her. She looked lovely."

"It isn't wise to admit as much around your wife, Shinji-san," Gen stage-whispered. "They might think your eye's wandering."

"My fiancé and I are in agreement, uncle," Hikari stated primly. "Yang-san looked ravishing today, it is obvious that she went the extra mile." Taking Shinji's hand, she let a youthful grin out, "I don't worry about him wandering. I know that he is dedicated to being a complete part of my family. I'd be worried if he didn't notice the subtle things our friends did, he feels that it is very important that he not be oblivious to their hopes and needs. If he didn't see Yang-san's ribbons, it would mean he wasn't feeling well."

 _Stop avoiding it._ "Suzuka," keeping his tone steady, as he owed a great deal to the woman before him and wished to offer her the same treatment that he himself wished his family to give to him, he eyed his friend, "why?"

"An opportunity to improve our footing," the swordswoman shrugged. "Members of the renewed peerage are few, ascension to our ranks is tightly controlled. Providing additional resources, funding, manpower, all in an effort to protect you was the sensible thing to do. You would never have applied for consideration, and so I appealed on your behalf. They quickly accepted, having considered approaching you regarding the matter themselves, but uncertain of how open you would be to the idea. Access to _you_ is also very tightly controlled, as you don't have a declared second."

He hadn't missed the key word, "Our?"

"She doesn't throw about her title," Suzuki said with no small amount of pride. "If any of us referred to her as Countess, she would likely thrash us for two whole days. It's an open secret, but still very much a secret."

"You don't have to change who you are, sweetie," Nanako assured him. "Remember what we've said, we're helping you because of who you are inside." Her smile mirrored Shinji's in its hope, "So you can come back to my club at any time and dance to your hearts content."

"Ko-Ko was very happy," Hikari laughed merrily, "I haven't seen a smile that broad on her face in years when we she shared her day out."

"It grew bigger when you shared his proposal," Kodama chided playfully. Looking to Suzuka, the eldest Horaki squeezed Shinji to her side, "Thank you for helping him with mom's ring, Suzuka-san. It means the world to us, as you know."

Shinji caught Misato motioning for him to hurry over, and gently disentangled himself from Kodama, "Misato-san needs me. Please take care of Hikari for me?" Bending down, he lightly kissed his fiancée on the head, "I'll be back."

Misato was huddled over Maya's tablet with the smaller woman, though she still sensed Shinji's quiet approach and spoke before he presented himself, "It isn't a full day for us without something terrible happening to balance out the good things in life." Turning to face him, she smiled sadly, "You did good today, Shinji. Your speech accentuated exactly what you aspire to inspire in people. I'm sorry I have to ruin your celebration."

"I'm not celebrating much, if anything, Misato," he shook his head. "I'm still me, and I'm considering asking the Commander to make it criminal for anyone at work to call me by a title."

"He wouldn't accept that," Maya turned the tablet so that Shinji could see. "We aren't full-military, but military is still a part of our heritage. Rank and honor are too big for us to just ignore." Lowering her voice, she sighed, "Meet the next Angel."

+++++ Author's Notes

Starfire99: RE: Shinji's title.

He'll be a Baron, like Kozo said. 男爵, Danshaku, or Baron. The lowest rank of the Kazoku, which existed between 1869 and around 1947. The Japanese peerage system borrowed heavily from the British peerage, using titles from the old Chinese nobility.

Barons are not usually referred to as "Baron Whatever", instead they are referenced as "Lord Whatever" in correspondence or passing, or addressed as "My Lord" if the person speaking to them wishes to be formal. Or an asshole. Really depends on the tone.

Martial Arts Master: RE: Story title.

Shinji really isn't complete. He'll realize eventually that he'll never _be_ complete, and that's actually not a bad thing. Those little holes we leave in ourselves allow others to fit nicely alongside of us. "No man is an island," after all.


	60. Chapter 60

+++++ 7th Angel + 4: Thursday (49)

Shinji left Hikari in the hands of Kodama for what remained of the school day, the elder sister receiving rapid approval from the school staff upon his request that she be allowed to assist his fiancée in his absence. Misato's declaration that there was a NERV-related matter that required his participation, but did not require an evacuation, ended the last of the concern dead. Waiting in the briefing room at 'work', once more in his own clothing, he watched with some confusion as Kelly Chambers neatly folded and packed the hasty bundle he'd made of his new formal clothes.

"It would be terrible to let these build wrinkles, Shinji," using his given name at his request, she occupied a space at the table next to him. "Washing them will be challenging enough, I'd rather not increase the difficulty."

"Let's begin," Kozo walked into the room, trailing General Benoit. "Major Ibuki, what do you have for us?"

"With a ninety-six percent confidence, the MAGI have identified the embryo of the Eighth Angel in a lava flow in the area of Mount Asama," tapping a button, she brought up a chart showing various harmonic wavelengths. "Currently, the Angel is radiating low level frequencies that we've only detected during an incursion. Thanks to Lord Ikari's efforts, our understanding of the patterns has increased dramatically, and so I think we stand a good chance at destroying this one before it hatches…molts…attacks, before it attacks."

"Destroy?" Kozo frowned, "I should think we'll capture it instead. The D-Type equipment was brought in for just such eventualities as underwater or other extreme locales. The research data alone would be something I'd think you would want to get your hands on, Major."

"Capturing an Angel isn't our charter, sir." Misato was naturally on Maya's side, her desire to destroy the Angels without peer, "If we can pinpoint the exact area, have the Evas dig down to the Angel, that's one less combat scenario to worry over. If it's dormant, we should strike now. The MAGI aren't detecting an overly active A.T. Field. Deploying a few N2 mines, using the Evas to shape the blast, problem solved."

The Commander put his foot down, "Colonel, I appreciate your desire to limit the advantages of our enemy, but I believe that the intelligence gained from studying it outweighs any risks assumed. Our pilot corps isn't training for ballet, I have faith they will execute the mission."

"Uhm," Shinji spoke up into the pause, not eager to see a repeat of the fishing expedition he remembered, "the D-Type equipment. I haven't trained on it; can I see the schematics?" An idea began to take root, "I'm guessing if it came with Unit-02, Asuka-san has some training with it."

"I've never used it," the redheaded pilot disagreed. "Only the A-type and B-type loadouts."

Maya hurriedly brought up the plans, displaying it on the screen, "Here you are. This is the suit that was intended to assist during a combat engagement like the one you faced while at sea."

Knowing that he was a terrible actor, Shinji focused instead on seeming calculating. He knew the drawbacks of the D-type equipment, the gaping design flaws in Misato's plan from the first time. What he needed was…. "Idunn-san," he looked over to his guard, "can you hand me my knife from my bag, please?"

"I'll get it," Kelly stood up, moving over to his pack. Finding the weapon, she hefted it and gave him a look of surprise, "This is rather heavy."

"My instructor would say that it is the weight of a human life reminding me to use it wisely," Shinji sighed. "I don't disagree with her, and wish I didn't have first-hand experience to back up her statement." Politely taking his blade, he stood and moved to an empty section of the briefing room table, "I have some concerns about the design, Commander. If I may?"

Kozo weighed Shinji, sitting back in his chair and gesturing for him to proceed, "I asked that you be involved in the planning for just such a reason, Pilot. You are the Lead, your Pilots will be assuming risks. If you have concerns, voice them."

Drawing his knife, he set it down, then took two pencils and set them alongside the blade, "Asuka," he looked to his partner, "please use the pencils as chopsticks and pick up the knife."

Looking back up to the pincer design of the hands on the D-type equipment, she guffawed, "You have got to be out of your damn mind!" Standing, she walked over and clapped Shinji on the elbow, "Good catch." Expertly holding the two pencils in one hand, she attempted to lift the handle of the weapon, "You want us to fight this thing without any ability to use a pallet rifle? I can only sometimes get udon in my mouth without wearing it on my chest," after her fifth try, she managed to lift the hilt several centimeters before losing her grip and dropping it noisily to the table once more, "you want me to get into a knife fight wearing boxing gloves under millions of tons of liquid rock?"

"Sir," Shinji nodded his thanks to Asuka, then secured his weapon before heading back to stand by his seat, "whoever designed this equipment either had a much different notion of combat in an Evangelion, or I don't see the utility as well as them." Handing his knife back to Kelly, he looked over to Rei, "You've been quiet, Rei, do you have any input? Maybe some ideas I'm not seeing?"

"I do not," she declined, smiling slightly at his decision to include her. "Your tactical analysis is in line with my own, I do not believe that engaging in combat with that equipment is tactically wise."

"Assuming we have to engage inside molten rock," Shinji walked over to the whiteboard, drawing the scenario he'd experienced, "you would need to protect the pilot from being boiled alive with cooling like you see in the computers in school." Adding a stick figure deep inside the volcano, he drew the umbilical that would provide power and coolant, "What if it hatches, when exposed to one of our A.T. Fields? What if it attacks between here," he put a horizontal line above the pilot perpendicular to the umbilical, "to here?" Adding another line much further up, he gestured to Misato, "Correct me if I'm wrong, Colonel, but wouldn't that be the ideal place for an enemy to assault? The Eva won't be able to react rapidly enough, and if this Angel is growing inside lava, it has to be suited for combat in that arena. It cuts this line, we lose Eva, Pilot, and battle."

"This one's most likely a swimmer, or at least able to maneuver in the environment it chose," the violet-haired officer agreed quickly. "That lifeline is always our weakest point," she looked back to her superior, "I've trained them to protect it at all costs, an unpowered Eva is a dead Eva. We have _one_ D-type suit, sir, Unit-00 and 01 can't really wear it effectively. I can't stagger them to protect the logistics caravan, and if this thing is as deep down as the Major is indicating, we'd have to either affect entry at the top of the volcano like Paladin is saying, or dig down through the exterior until we were close enough to kiss it." Miming pincer hands, she shook her head, "That isn't designed for digging. I have to concur with my team's assessment, who designed this thing?"

"A different team," Kozo admitted with calm understatement. "We need ideas then, Colonel. We've been handed a great opportunity, and we did not hire you for your slavish devotion to traditional military tactics. Your top priority is capturing this Angel, and the clock is ticking. I will only accept an assault proposal if you can assure me that every other plan has been considered untenable." Holding her gaze until she nodded in acquiescence, he turned to Shinji, "Pilot…well done." Standing up, he concluded the meeting, "It takes a strong sense of duty to point out the folly in your superiors' plans, and you expressed your concerns with great maturity. General, we should proceed to our next meeting."

Everyone stood as Kozo and Philip left the room, Asuka waiting just long enough for the door to close before exploding, "Capture? _Capture?!_ Assuming the measurements on that graph are accurate, it'll be like capturing a fishing boat!" Scrubbing her fingers through her hair in irritation, she waved at the pencils, "I'm always up for a challenge Misato, you know that. But Shinji's right, this is extra-strength stupid."

"One of us will have to stay behind to protect the GeoFront," Shinji continued his analysis of the situation. "If Asuka is the only one that can effectively wear the equipment, that means she goes. I won't stay behind if she's assuming that much risk." Looking to Rei, he smiled apologetically, "I'm sorry, Rei, I need to ask you to protect everyone here in case this goes horribly wrong."

The bluenette accepted the plan with equanimity, "No harm will come to Class Representative Horaki, Shinji, I promise you."

Asuka groaned, then appeared to accept that Shinji had decided their fate, "So how long? If we have time, I'll try and get some reps in wearing the D-type equipment just in case it does feature in your plan." She looked to Maya, "Today? Tomorrow?"

"The MAGI believe it will become active no later than Monday," the diminutive brunette's lips curled in disgust, "the accuracy of their predictions becomes unreliable after that, and before Saturday. That's three days in which this could all become moot, and not a lot of time for us to prepare."

"It's more time than we usually have," Misato looked to Shinji's drawing, wheels turning. "I can't waste it. Shinji, I'm sorry but I have to borrow Maya. I'll need her input as we try and come up with something."

"I'd like a few minutes with her then," Shinji declared before Maya could speak. "There were some plans we had, but obviously Angels trump everything."

"I'll get the engineers to suit up Unit-02, then." Hugging Shinji, Asuka whispered, "Good job, today. Thank you for not letting them just throw us in the fire, it feels good to have someone watching my back."

"Don't overwork yourself," he cautioned, holding her still for a moment longer. "Good rest, and if you can't find anything healthy come to my house. I'll cook dinner at least. We need to be ready, this looks like it will be more stressful than the typical Angel and I need you at your best."

"Yes, _sir_ ," drawling out the last word, she scrunched her nose cutely and winked. "I'll be careful." Strutting out of the room, the pilot of Unit-02 moved with a confidence and verve that he remembered extremely well. The knowledge that despite her 'failure' in the last engagement Shinji still viewed her as valuable and trustworthy stroked her ego and soothed the last stains of disappointment from her mind.

Rei approached him next, hopping up on her toes and kissing the side of his mouth before stepping back, "I do not enjoy leaving you in her hands, Shinji. Though I understand why you chose me to stay behind. Of the two of us, you have proven to be more adaptable and when she fails, your skills will be needed to recover the situation." Looking at the door, she frowned, "I will spend the rest of the day practicing in Unit-00 as well. I look forward to seeing you at school tomorrow."

"You too, Rei," _Keep it simple. She's already wound up enough. Taking her to task would only push her away._ Watching as the last of his fellow pilots left, Shinji spoke to Misato without turning, "Can you make time for dinner Saturday, Misato? I understand you'll be busy, but you need to eat too." Looking back, finally, he anticipated being rebuffed, "An hour, maybe two? We could even discuss the plans during it in order to maximize our time."

The steely gaze of Colonel Katsuragi melted slightly when she nodded, "It will have to be at your place, Shinji. I know you wanted to help around the apartment, but your security is too important right now." Gesturing with an open hand to Kelly, she sighed, "May as well get this over with. Meet your new EA."

"EA?" Shinji blinked, "Wait, Executive Assistant? Misato, Kelly-san is responsible for Admiral Drake, she can't pull double duty like that, it's not fair to her!"

"I had wanted to talk to you about this, make sure you were ok with the decision, but we didn't get the chance. I'm actually on loan, Shinji," the even-tempered naval officer made a pacifying gesture. "Admiral Drake has three assistants, myself, Jacob, and Brock. My colleagues agreed to split my duties for the time being, agreeing with the Admiral that you needed someone for the duration of the war that understood Joint Operations, Japanese customs and courtesies, and could quickly be read-on for your security clearances. When General Benoit mentioned Colonel Katsuragi's hiring search, the head fish offered me without hesitation."

Misato kept her eyes on Shinji, "I believe his exact words were, 'I'm sending you the best, Katsuragi. He deserves nothing less.' She'll have an adjustment period, but if she can keep a Fleet Admiral from screwing up, she should stand a fair shot at keeping you on the straight-and-narrow."

"I'll be engaged with a number of duties, I understand," closing up Shinji's now well-organized pack, she set it on the chair before her. "Coordinating your PR appearances with the Public Affairs team, fact-finding missions after people approach you with ideas for improving workflow around base, and most importantly instructing you in both macro and micro-scale leadership operations in a military setting." Smiling patiently, she tilted her head charmingly, "In between all of that, I'll be getting to know you and Miss Horaki. Planning a wedding is a big undertaking, and coordinating access to the necessary merchants with your security chief will be another portion of my duties."

"I…hadn't intended to burden someone with all of that, Misato," Shinji protested, anxiety skyrocketing.

"It isn't a burden," Kelly laughed, drawing his attention again, "it's my job. Shinji, you do instinctively so much of what I do by choice. Some people, like you and I, prefer to take the role of servant. It's rewarding to see others succeed, and even more rewarding when they turn back to us and thank us for everything we've done. You spend all day, from the reports I read, working. You don't sleep, you hardly eat, you interact with everyone you can to improve lives. You want to take a more active hand in leadership, but you also need to be free to do what you do best. So I'll be the invisible hand around here for you, and you can hopefully have a little more time to spend with your fiancée. I'll be you, when you can't be somewhere."

"There's no going back, Shinji," Maya obliquely referenced his past. "You've taken a firm grip of the tiger, and we're all immensely proud of what you've managed, but if you want to continue to climb higher you need to accept the trappings that come with the position." She kept her face carefully neutral when he looked over to her, "I have two EAs. Misato has burned through five trying to find the right match for just one. We have far too much that we get paid to accomplish to even hope to dent without help, and finding someone we work well with is just as important."

Idunn voiced her support for the notion, "Someone with military training, who's gone through the basics if nothing else, is another set of eyes on you, Hikari…Nozomi. We'll be onboarding a number of new hands soon, and if my boss trusts her boss, it's one less headache I have, Shinji."

"I…I apologize in advance for when I make mistakes," Shinji stated quietly, unable to counter the apparently universal approval of the women in the room. "I have a tendency towards making things difficult for the people around me as you can see, Kelly-san. I look forward to working with you," bowing to his new EA, he pushed his panic to the rear, "please, take care of me."

"I'm going to borrow her too, for a bit," Misato sighed in relief, the discussion having gone better than she'd hoped it would. "I need to set my expectations, explain your boundaries, and then point her to the PAO to set up the announcement of your engagement." Walking past Shinji, she hugged him briefly, "Thank you, Shinji. You keep proving our trust correct." Kelly fell in behind Misato, and the two were through the door and into the weeds quickly.

The last two in the room other than himself shared a quiet look, and Idunn coughed, "I'll be outside. Once you're done, I'll get you home." Her discomfort obvious, the redheaded security chief kept a great deal to herself as she fled the room.

Shinji wasted no time once the door closed, not wanting to lose the initiative, "Stop." Tamping down on his reflexive apologies as Maya's eyes widened, he gestured to her with two fingers, "I understand that you have duties, obligations, even your own life should you wish to do anything else. I do not want you to pull away from us because of one, admittedly valid, concern. If this doesn't work, I want it to be because we're incompatible, not because we didn't actually try."

Maya frowned, cutely, "You know we have an Angel to be worrying over, right? Do you really have time to waste trying to appease me? Shouldn't you be with Hikari?"

" _We_ should be with Hikari," he declared firmly. "We should enjoy the time we have together. We should be there to support each other, to lift each other up. You left the house this morning without even slowing down to give her a goodbye kiss. If you need a little distance so that you don't feel tempted to…engage, I've been using that word a lot lately, I understand. But…surely you can at least still kiss your girlfriend? Or even just hug your friend if you'd rather leave it at that?"

Proving that as geeky as she was, she wasn't without serious seductive charms, his girlfriend walked over with a sultry sway, trailing her finger across the back of a chair, "And what about you, Shinji? Did you need a kiss, this morning?" Tilting her head back a touch as she laid against his chest, she balanced 'vulnerable' with 'amorous', "Were you left…wanting?"

 _Admit the truth,_ Bending down he picked her up into a passionate kiss. Using what he knew of Kodama's preferences and what he'd learned of Hikari's, he blended them together and tried to convey with actions what he had a nearly impossible time using words for. After what felt to him to be the appropriate length, he slowly set her down to sit upon the meeting room table and leaned in to whisper, "I would press you against the wall, Maya. I would fill you, just as you said you wanted." Setting his hands firmly on either side of her hips, he let her feel his weight against her as his heart pounded and his voice showed the cracks in his restraint, "I would take you on this table, in your office, in Unit-01." Easing back slightly, he regained control of his breathing, "But I respect what it is you want. Because…it's what I want. I don't want to just go around from woman to woman to woman."

Reaching up to caress his neck, Maya demonstrated her own fractured resolve, "You want each act to be meaningful. To be shared between those women that can truly love you, and you can truly love." Hooking her legs around his knees, she pulled him in closer, "That's why you haven't given in to Kodama, despite wanting to." Keeping her eyes away from his, she let her hands trail along his chest, "I love you, Shinji. I shouldn't, I'm older than you and you're already claimed by a wonderful young woman, but I do. This isn't infatuation, like I felt with sen…Ritsuko-san, or lust…like with Misato and Kodama…I want to be with you, forever. I want to grow old by your side, I want to share your struggles, your successes, your life. But we shouldn't. We can't. There's…." Reaching up, she grabbed his hair and pulled him down so that she could whisper as quietly as possible, "I'm starting to hear things, Shinji. I'm starting to hear…me. She's only spoken to me twice, but she sounds like…she sounds like she knows you. I think she may be from your past. She's making me doubt I'm doing the right thing, and she's making a great deal of sense."

The door opened a touch, enough that a voice could go through but seeing anything wouldn't be likely, "Maya!" Misato's voice was slightly teasing, though mostly professional, "We've got work to do. You can take care of training Shinji in interprofessional relationships later, let's go!"

Shinji grimaced, irritated at the constant interruptions of his life, "I _will_ see you tonight. Friends, Maya, even if not lovers. You promised me that." He pulled back enough to kiss her again, "You are worth fighting for too. I didn't suffer through everything I have only to give up at the first stumbling block. If someone's in your head, we'll figure it out."

+++++ 7th Angel + 4: Thursday (49)

With only slightly more than an hour when he left NERV before school would let out, Shinji chose to go home instead of risking disrupting his classmates. Walking into the cavernous manse, devoid of other life, was bizarre enough that he was grateful his head of security had entered with him, "It is a lovely house, Idunn. I can see where you wanted to take a more active hand in securing it, though."

"I'm glad it makes you happy," she stated with earnest relief. "I know you hoped to have a more orderly move, for the Horaki family if not yourself. They've really been troopers after their father's passing, and this was pushed a lot faster than we'd planned." Following loosely behind him, she kept her eyes open for anything else the house might need.

"I catch them crying, from time to time," Shinji admitted, pausing in the boundary between the family room and the bedrooms. "They always try their best to hide it when I come across it, but…it's there. I've stopped addressing it," he moved into his room to change outfits, leaving the door open so they could speak he raised his voice to be heard, "they want to pretend that they're fine, and it isn't my place to tell them what to do."

"If only every father was as good a man as Toshiro seemed to be," Idunn added with a glance over at the shrine. "It might help you to know that Nozomi talks to Jake and Nicolette often about how she's feeling. She's really taken to them, and I chose them for her because they each have younger siblings."

"That's definitely a good thing to know," Shinji reappeared in workout clothing. "I try my best to be what she needs…to be what Toshiro would want me to be for her. I can't let him down, and I can't fail her." Gesturing towards the downstairs, he left it up to her to follow or not, "I'm going to go punch my anger out. If you want to come with me, please feel free. If you don't, thank you for seeing me safely home."

"I'll come with you," she stepped to clear his path, "if you don't mind? I thought we might have a chat, since nobody else is around."

"Of course," he'd sensed her song hanging oddly over her, not surprised that she wasn't sanguine about any of the day's events either. Moving downstairs, he went straight to his heavy bag and to work. Mixing through the various combination punches that Gen had focused him on, he started the conversation after transferring the main irritations into his strikes for a time, "What can I do to help, Idunn?"

Leaning against the nearby pillar, her area-of-vision encompassing the only entrance and the man she was sworn to protect, she started off with the simple, "How are you doing? After today's ceremony, I mean."

"Angry," he decided she had earned his honesty with her own. "I've spent a lot of time trying to be just another student, to be approachable, to listen to the needs of those students too shy to outright talk to others. Now, 'Lord Ikari' is going to be hanging over everything I do." Delivering a punishing five-hit combo, he barked out a laugh, "Even my gym teacher is treating me differently. Pilot, Royalty, I may as well just accept a damn commission and join NERV officially."

He could feel her sympathy, "You have a life many would kill to have, Shinji. It's too bad that they don't understand the responsibilities that come with it, like you do. Many would view this as a chance at the easy life, I'm glad I was right in my first assessment of you."

An elbow, backhand, punch combo led to a small pause, "What were your first thoughts of me, Idunn? It's only been a few weeks, and I feel like it's been years." Looking over to the shorter-than-he-remembered woman, he grimaced, "It keeps getting worse. Piling up. I just wanted to help with people at work, give them a chance to speak to someone other than the commander, and now Kelly-san has been dragged into this. PR? Everything I do is going to be public, and I have to smile and pretend that life is fine for the cameras?"

"I thought you were suffering, Shinji," walking over to him, she took his hand in hers as she answered his question, "I thought you were being abused. You were a conscript, with an unknown past and a future filled with war. I looked at you, how you cringed whenever that monster touched you, and I saw a young man that needed peace. Hope. Even maybe just a friend." Setting her jaw, she broached the topic he'd been wondering about, "I can understand, from a human perspective, people being intensely attracted to you. Charming, far more intelligent than you'd have people believe, and kind, you are the exact type of man ladies swoon over."

"What you don't understand is why I let them," he finished for her.

"You are happy with Hikari, Shinji. I see you straining to include others in your heart, and I'm terrified that you're doing it because you don't want to hurt them," holding tighter to his thumb, she unburdened herself of her worries. "Maya is a good woman, she was rightly worried that I was prying into your past when you don't want or need people looking there. You've put it behind you, and my ancestors know that I can appreciate that. Noelle helped the two of us see eye-to-eye, and I'd like to think Maya and I can get along better now that we both understand we just want you to be happy and healthy in the midst of all of this chaos."

"That's good," Shinji lifted his other hand, patting Idunn's. "I'm glad you two won't be fighting. I tried to see you, after my falling asleep, when they told me that you had been worried. You came here, I guess."

"You aren't distracting me," she reproached him. "I want to know why, Shinji. Why are you so determined to push Maya where she doesn't fit? Is it for Hikari? Does she need a woman in addition to you? Are you so worried that you won't be enough, and she'll go wandering?"

Closing his eyes, Shinji was forced to admit that the woman had a keen intuition. She viewed things far differently, being from a different culture, and her concerns weren't going to be diverted to other places. He was, and would remain, her primary concern. She cared for Hikari, for the Horaki family, because it would keep him safe and content. If they stopped being of assistance to that end, she wouldn't hesitate to change her actions. "I…it, rather, is complicated." Opening his eyes again, he slowly sat down, bringing her to the ground with him.

"Then share what you can, Shinji," she urged him. "I know you keep secrets, with your life it only makes sense that you wouldn't be eager to share things with others, but I have to have proven that I'm dedicated to this. I'm not going to tell anyone, not Misato, not Maya, not Hikari, not even my boss. I'll do what you need me to do, so that you don't have to turn out like my brother and I."

"I'm not as good a man as you think I am, Idunn," he cautioned.

"Shinji, nobody is as good as people think they are," she scoffed. "My job wouldn't be necessary if we could trust everyone to not act like raging tits every five seconds. The best humans in the world can have moments of weakness, they can lose sight of their goals and perform terrible acts. Keeping those temptations away from you is part of what I'm trying to do, and while I wouldn't say that Maya is actively seducing you I'm not going to deny that she's a distraction."

"It's my fault," he shook his head. "Instead of saying 'No' to everyone, I allowed Hikari and Kodama to convince me to try. Not, purely, because it would make them happy." Bouncing his shoulders, he worked himself up to admitting it aloud, "It's because they make _me_ happy too. People tell me that it's fine, that one man can love several women so long as everyone is 'ok' with it, nobody…."

"But you don't believe that," Idunn pressed. "Not in here," tapping over his heart, "where it counts. Shinji, you can't just let people use you. I'm not saying that's what they're doing, but if you don't feel you're doing the right thing you're hurting everyone involved!"

"Maya…agrees," he frowned. "She wants-"

He was interrupted by Kodama's bright call of, "We're home!" A few seconds later, she added, "Shinji?"

"I'm down here," he went to stand, and was held down by Idunn.

"I'll support whatever _you_ decide, ok?" The redhead urged him quietly, "Please, just make sure it's what _you_ want."

+++++ 7th Angel + 4: Thursday (49)

Sitting on the new sofa with Hikari laying against his shoulder, Nozomi between his legs on the sofa singing along with the theme song to her favorite wrestling program, and Kodama laid with her head on Nozomi's lap and her shoulder tucked into Shinji's leg, he felt his stress levels were likely at the lowest point they'd been in some time. He had no worries other than a third and fourth check on the snacks he'd provided for the viewing, a conscious effort to leave work at work and anything not currently present away from his family.

The show was, to his surprise, far more child-friendly than he thought an athletic competition designed around physical confrontation could be. Various plots, storylines, and themes surrounded all of the talented folks and aided them in entertaining a wide array of ages and genders. A few minutes after the introduction of the show, and the sponsor's announcements, a barrel-chested gentleman raced down to the ring to violently interrupt two men who were angrily denouncing the other as lacking 'true honor'.

 _You may not be a warrior, but you certainly surround yourself with the trappings of one,_ Dark wrapped her arms around his shoulders and leaned her head against his. _How are you doing, now that you have been proclaimed as a member of a higher social caste in your society?_

Allowing himself to be embraced by the odd voice, he closed his eyes to stop himself from traveling anywhere and hurting everyone, _Angry, though I admit I'm less angry now that Nozomi's happy._

 _You hold a great deal of stock in her care._ The feminine presence shifted, and Shinji felt her touch the young lady in his lap, _I can understand why, though. She seems to assuage your guilt and rage regarding your youth. She's your second chance, such as it were._

 _Perhaps,_ he admitted with a non-committal mental shrug, not willing to entertain the notion that Nozomi was anything at all like he himself was. _Is there something you needed? Or is this purely a social call?_

 _You relaxed._ Her whisper spoke of contentment, _It meant that I could visit more easily, and I was interested to see what was causing it. You have to admit that it's rare anymore for you to not walk about as if ready to kill at a second's notice._

 _I'm trying. Everyone is trying their best to support me, and I'm not making it easier on them by letting my anger control me._ Hikari nuzzling his arm prompted him to open his eyes and look down to see her drifting off to sleep, _Where's Gentle?_

 _Gone,_ the word carried a finality that stepped beyond Shinji's immediate understanding of it. _What are your plans for this new threat? The Angel within the mountain?_

 _Patience. I have to trust that Misato will come up with something, and I've made my case against repeating the mistakes of the past. We won't capture it, it won't let us._ He frowned, _I am sorry if my bringing her up was painful. I will be more mindful in the future._

 _Don't be sorry, idiot. Be victorious._ She pressed her lips to his temple, _In war there will be sacrifices, and you can't yet fully understand the entirety of our war. Ask your redhead for the context: ' There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy'. Accept that truth, Shinji, and you'll find more of the answers you seek._ Another shift against his body seemed to indicate her departure

Reaching up, as if to scratch his head, he took hold of what he believed to be Dark's shoulder, _I may not be on your side, you know that._

 _Of course,_ she admitted without rancor. _I may not be on yours, either. War makes strange bedfellows. We don't need to be enemies, even if we aren't allies. The more I see of you, the more I believe that. Don't listen to them, Shinji, I may not tell you the entire truth…but that's because I too have to face the potential for losing. Those that have nothing to risk can speak the unvarnished truth._ Her lips alighted on his ear for a second, _I need to go. You've begun down a path I approve of, walk it with pride._

His hand lost its grip and he knew he was once more alone in his own mind. Moving his hand forward, he pulled Nozomi against him and cuddled her close, _Trust. Why does that seem like the first thing to go away when everything goes wrong?_ The little lady of the household reached up and gripped his wrists happily, quivering with excited energy as she watched a pair of ladies put on a show of high-flying prowess. _I guess that makes it all the more important to find those people who I can always trust, even if it's just to tell me the truth._

+++++ 7th Angel + 4: Thursday (49)

"No. No, no, no," Misato slammed her hand down on the table. "Every plan that involves us sending someone down without some means of defense is a non-starter!" Waving at the photo of Unit-02's pincer hands, she scowled at the engineers, "What is stopping us from increasing the number of digits? Or just reinforcing gloves somehow?"

"Other than physics?" The Chief of Engineering worked his hand open and closed, "This is possible because of an obscene number of muscles, tendons, and the like working in direct concert all within the palm itself. The denser the material the links have to move to push them open or pull them closed, the less precision you have. We are already pushing the limit of precision with the Type-B equipment in open air without more than standard atmospheric resistance. We can use something similar, but it would provide precisely zero protection from environmental factors. We increase the insulation, we decrease precision."

Maya nodded, "I hate to admit it, but her comment about knife fighting in boxing gloves was apt. The pincers are there because the mechanisms can be tuned to cooperate under intense pressure. Shinji's fight at sea was a miracle, Misato. I wouldn't dream of asking Pilot Soryu to emulate it in a situation with even more intense physical pressures involved."

The Colonel remained unimpressed, "He was using Unit-02! If he can do it in an unfamiliar unit, surely she can match that in her own damn Eva?"

"He managed well over two hundred, Misato," Maya glared. "Does she have that in her?"

Clenching her jaw, she wound back the intensity, "So we're back to putting him in Unit-02?"

"It isn't a good idea, for a number of reasons," the scientist accepted the unspoken offer of a truce. "We would show that we don't trust her, and confidence is a portion of sync ratio. We would be putting him in a position where he would appear to be stealing glory, and you know how well that will go over with him. Finally, there's the whole 'burning alive' issue. Any damage to Unit-02 will reciprocate just as clearly on him as any damage to Unit-01. We force him down into the lava flows, he might simply melt."

"And he'd do it," the violet-haired warrior grimaced. "He'd hate the idea, he'd hate the message, he'd hate the whole plan…and he'd execute."

"He's an inspiration, that's for sure," the Chief sat back. "Ask him to push his way through trillions of tons of liquid stone and his only concern is asking someone else to do it without proper protection or a means to fight back."

"The A.T. Field does most of the pushing," Maya flicked her pen. "If there were a way to shape the…field…."

"Maya?" Misato raised her eyebrow, "Do you have something?"

Muttering to herself, she narrowed her eyes, "When he dove in…. The calculations say she'd drop faster than him with her field active and…."

" _Major Ibuki_!" Slapping the table, Misato startled her friend, "Do you have something to share with the class?"

"I need Shinji," pulling out her phone, she hit the speed dial. "Give me a few hours, I might have something."

+++++ 7th Angel + 4: Thursday (49)

Walking into the lockers after a display of driving prowess by Akane, Shinji pondered what Maya could need. She seemed intense, excited, like she'd made a discovery, "I hope it's something nice." He paused as he heard movement, _Nobody else uses this room._ Slowly moving to where he could defend himself or subdue his attacker by surprise, he remained silent. Lunging around the final row of freestanding lockers, he quickly shifted his momentum back as he spied his 'intruder', "Maya…I thought you were-"

Grabbing his shirt, she hurried him along in undressing, "Come on, come on, we're running low on time."

 _O…k,_ Cooperating with her, he got his shirt off and worked on pulling his undershirt off, "Low on time for what?"

Stepping back, she rolled her hands, "Off, off, let's go!"

"Right, right," he danced out of his shoes and socks, "sorry." Taking hold of his pants, he tugged them down and looked to his locker, "Where's my…uhm," folding his pants he looked over to the confusingly-titled woman, "Maya?"

Standing there, biting her knuckle, Maya had her eyes on his torso, "Shinji…."

 _Did she ask me here because she couldn't get away and…no, that doesn't make sense._ "Maya?" Setting his clothes down, he slanted his body to the side to get into her line of sight, "What's going on? Do I need my plugsuit?"

"Penetration should be possible if we apply enough force," she mumbled. Looking up and past him, she tilted her head, "It's the angle that's the concern."

 _Penetration?!_ _Is she…._ Choosing to take a more direct approach, as she seemed to be absorbed in her own thoughts, he bent forward and kissed her. _We may not be dating, we might be dating, but until I know for sure I'm going to trust that she isn't opposed to at least this._

The touch of his lips on hers startled her, sending his shirt that she'd been holding flying off to the side. Stepping back, her eyes glowing with a mix of amusement and desire, she giggled, "That's…not the worst idea." Reaching behind her on the bench, she pulled out a wrapped plugsuit, "But not the one I called you here for." As he took the offered uniform, she let her eyes trail along his form, "I'm kind of surprised you're still interested. You had Hikari all to yourself all evening."

Unwrapping the parcel, he looked at her with concern, "Maya…I don't know that either of us fully knows what we want. I just know that I only trust three people on this planet completely, and you're one of them." Sliding into the suit, he worked his limbs into place, "That the three women I trust also happen to be women I love in one form or another…I'm not giving up."

Stopping him from pulling the suit up higher than his waist, she hopped up on the bench and pushed him back against the lockers with another, deeper, kiss. After a few moments spent in pleasurable repose, she broke off with a hint of regret and set her lips near his ear, "I'm sorry. I need…time. I need to talk. _We_ need to talk. But the Angel."

"It comes first," he agreed, swallowing his own wellspring of desire. As she stood up straight, staying on the bench, he finished pulling his suit over his shoulders and pressed the button to pressurize it. Regret instantly struck as it cinched tightly around certain anatomical inevitabilities, "Hrm…that's…awkward feeling." While there was no pain, his body disapproved of the current configuration and was not shy in informing him of it, and he slammed his eyes shut and bashed his head against the lockers behind him.

"O-oh! Oh dear! Oh no," quickly taking the matter in hand, to a degree, she hopped off the bench and manipulated the protrusion to a less damaging looking angle, "oh…oh that's my fault. I did…oh, I'm so, so sorry!"

"No," he swallowed, "no…I think we both had a say in it." When the odd sensation abated, replaced with a lingering touch, he let his eyes open slowly, looking down at the woman before him as she slid her fingers along the suit above the errant flesh, "Maya?"

"I never wanted to try," she stated quietly. "All of the boys around me were…dirty. Filthy, they smelled terrible and acted worse. It was a hard time for everyone, and I wanted nothing to do with them. The girls, though…they were all prettier than me. Even working the fields, they seemed more alluring, compelling." Laying her hand fully against the measure of his attraction, she looked up at him, "What if I want you, Shinji, more than Hikari? What does that say about me? About what I thought I was? You don't have my answers, and all you are is more of a question."

"You're who and what you say and feel you are," Shinji delicately removed her hand, wanting to begin the 'deflation' process. "I never thought I'd find anyone, I thought I'd be destined for a life of misery. Now? Now I'm overwhelmed with people who genuinely care, and all I want is them to be happy in return." Pushing a few stray hairs from her eyes, he smiled, "Let's go do your test, and then we'll go home. I'm not worried what yours say about us," he tapped her head, "any more than mine. We control our lives, not them."

+++++ 7th Angel + 4: Thursday (49)

Once he was aboard Unit-01, with the connections seated and everything showing green, he heard Misato ask off microphone, "What took so long? Problems with the new suit?"

"There were some structural issues, the design rode oddly in a few places and we had to adjust," Maya responded evasively. "Nothing to be concerned about."

"…Oh?" He saw Misato lean down, the 'teasing look' around her bearing, "Did…it fit?"

"Mother," Shinji growled into the void around him, "I have school in the morning. Please let Science get this test moving, so that everyone can get some sleep." Letting his aura do the work for him, he scowled at the bridge for a few seconds longer until Misato surrendered and moved back to her position, "Ok, what am I doing?"

He made out Maya's gratitude through her song, though it was undercut with a hint of something more that he didn't quite understand but felt rather akin to Hikari's feelings for him lately, "Deploying you to the shore of the Lake. We're going to try something different with your A.T. Field. Hold for further instructions," flipping off her microphone, she set him moving upwards and turned to face Misato. While he couldn't see more than the back of her head in the recesses of his mind, he clearly heard her through their connection. "We most certainly did nothing of the sort, Misato. He's not in a great mood, and I am a professional." She turned back to the camera, her chin held high, "Besides, he's not the kind of man to act like a savage. I'm sure he'd want more time than a few minutes in a locker room for us to do that for the first time."

Hitting the top of the lift, Shinji tried not to smile too hard, "Ok, I'm-"

 _Hello, Lover. You might want to brace yourself._ Lilith's voice interrupted his thoughts, _Your little toy down there has some ideas, and you might find yourself compromised._

"Shinji?" Misato's face appeared in his mind, alongside the warmth of her flames, "Shinji, you ok?"

 _Please don't interrupt me, that will compromise me too._ "I'm fine, Mother. I just had a bit of a hiccup in the connection, things went odd in my head." When he felt a distinctly feminine form lay against him, he struggled not to shout in irritation, _Lilith, please I need,_ "Hrrkk!" Pain surged through his body, cutting off thought.

 _Do_ not _call me that,_ the voice dug its hand grotesquely into his ribcage. _That name will never exist on your tongue again._

"Shinji," Maya's voice carried her rising panic, "I need you to unclench some, ok? You're spiking, and I need you nice and neutral for this test to work."

Off microphone he heard Misato, "Spiking? Maya he's at Three-forty-three! Get him back down here, now."

"I'm fine," Shinji snapped, pushing pain and anger aside to focus on the presence, _I'm sorry. I was told that was your name. It would help if I knew what you want to be called._ "I'm just…angry. Today hasn't been great, I'm a Baron, I find out I'm going to be watching Asuka get shoved into a volcano while I stand by with my dick in my hand…this just isn't my best day, all right?"

 _Thank you,_ Lilith sounded strangely awed. _It's rare that someone apologizes to me._ Retrieving her hand, she soothed it over the wound, _I am also…sorry. I shouldn't have reacted with violence to an innocent error._

Closing his eyes, Shinji tried to will himself to embrace the peace and tranquility unity with his Eva provided. Regret for the vulgarity he'd borrowed from Paola who stood on the bridge glaring at both of the command staff was the primary concern, "I'm sorry about the outburst…give me a few minutes, Maya. I'm ok, I just need to get out of my own head. I'll see if I can't bring my score down some, ok?" _I need to call you something. The piece of Angel that I fused with called you…that, and I assumed it was your name. I'm human, we use names all the time. I'd like to have one I can use for you, so that I don't constantly have to refer to you as 'her' or 'that voice'._

Her hand continued to massage his body, _You aren't human, Lover. Not anymore. Is it truly so important you ascribe a sound to me? That's all names are, a collection of noises that are produced to differentiate things that aren't as different as they appear. If you call to me, I'll come, I promise._

 _It would make me happier,_ he admitted simply. _It would give us common ground, a way to maybe reach an equilibrium? If we both want the Angels dead, and we both want peace, having a name for you would be another step towards seeing each other as equals, partners, right?_

Her hand froze, _Equals?_

There wasn't anything discordant in her tone, no warning signs that he'd erred again, so he pressed his point, _Yes, we each want something of the other, and we both have something to offer in exchange. I'm not looking to come out on top, I just want to end this stupid war and try to have everyone be happy. You say you're true to your word, so why not approach this as equals instead of adversaries?_

There was a long pause before her hand began to move again, _The voice your toy hears, it is not me. I have nothing to gain from it, knowing now the truth of your nature._ Her tone serious, she caressed his collarbone with a feathery touch, _I do not know who it is that would do this, though should I discover the truth I will tell you. Even,_ she hesitated, _should that truth be that your toy is unwell within her spirit and hears only her own demons. As for a name…I will answer to Nyx. It is as good as any other, and untainted by…matters which need not concern you._

 _Nyx, then,_ Shinji began to relax in earnest. _It is good to meet you, Nyx. I…admit I am worried about Maya. She seemed happy, then…not. But I need to do this test, or they'll think I fell asleep. If you know of a way to communicate without me being in the LCL, it would help._ "Ok," he opened his eyes, "I think I'm calmer. I'm sorry for snapping, things…no, I won't make excuses. I'm sorry."

Maya's voice sounded off the microphone, "He's down to two fifty, maybe he just needed to vent a little." Speaking towards him, she brightened, "Great job, Shinji. You've actually come down some! Don't worry about getting angry, it happens to the best of us."

Misato's nervousness came through in her tone, the reprimand more teasing than anything, "Just keep your weapon stored where it belongs during Eva operation, Paladin. It's hard enough to keep the ladies focused around here without you holding a free gun show."

Shinji knew Maya was glaring at his former guardian when he laughed, "Understood, Mother. The new plugsuit will help with that, now that we've gotten the kinks out. The blue and white design is much, much nicer. Still…form-fitting, but that's the nature of the outfit." Slowly working Unit-01's hands, he looked around now that he was once more unified with his larger self, "So, what am I doing out here?"

"Punching the ground," Maya clapped her hands together once, turning her attentions away from Misato and towards her duties. "I want you to kneel, and give a spot in front of you a solid hit. This is a diagnostic, we're setting the stage by getting a good baseline here, ok? So don't overthink it, just whap the ground."

"O…k," kneeling, he frowned, "the ground?"

Maya nodded, "One good punch, don't hold back."

"If you say so," cocking his fist back, he drove it into the ground with all of the force he could muster. The resultant trembler shaking the trees for a kilometer in every direction. Sitting back on his haunches, Shinji wiped clinging debris from his knuckles, wrist and forearm, and then concentrated on looking at Maya, "So…that?"

"Great," she enthused. "Now, this time I want you to scoot back a little. Pick a new spot, and I want you to focus your A.T. Field onto your fist. Just like we've trained with extending it beyond your body, I want you to wrap it around your fist like a blanket, ok?"

"Like…a blanket," he scowled at his hand.

 _Imagine it like the wraps you place around a wound, lover._ Nyx's voice struck a balance between sultry and supportive, _Layer upon layer of your soul. It's no different than when you scoop the water with it, or when you look within for poetic stanzas._ Taking his hand in hers, she smoothed her fingers around his knuckles, _You can form your soul to your own designs, if you let go. Ask it to perform, then let it breathe._

Envisioning his Field in the way they described, Shinji felt his fist become heavier, "Ok…I, I think…."

"Now hit the ground, just like before," she ordered quickly, not wanting him to become to curious about the things she was asking him to do.

When he struck the Earth, the earthquake sensors on the bridge sounded, Misato waving them silenced, "That's…impressive, Maya. But I fail to see how this is going to help us reach the Angel." Tactical applications already formed for her, several of the previous Angels would have proven susceptible to such a powerful strike in her professional opinion, "What are we doing?"

"Shh," Maya put her finger over her lips. "Now, Shinji," typing a string of coordinates, she sent them to his HUD, "go here."

Still slightly in awe over the power he'd just unleashed, all the pilot of Unit-01 could do was follow instructions and hope, "Y-yeah, proceeding." Setting himself to jogging over there, he was cautious not to disturb the trees more than necessary. By the indirect route he took, his loping strides avoided displacing much of the forest around him. "Here. Now what?"

"Do you see the cave there?" Maya highlighted it on his screen, not knowing that he had been intending his descriptions with Suzuka and Suzuki as literal, "Listen very carefully to me." Shutting off the part of her that loved him, the part that hated to see him in pain, she tried to set the scene as he'd described it during the dive into the volcano. Allowing panic to infect her voice, she breathlessly relayed her fears, "Inside of that cave system, Hikari is bleeding out. She needs you to punch through the opening there, if you can't reach her in one single punch, she's dead. You have to reach eight hundred meters in one punch Shinji. One. If you can't do it, she's dead. Save her, Shinji. She's dying!"

He blinked, "M-Maya-"

"She is dying Shinji, it will be your fault! SAVE HER!"

The hillside, slated for demolition in order to accommodate a new defensive line, had been scouted thoroughly and was devoid of life due to the presence of toxic levels of various gasses. None of them suited for industrial use, and all a byproduct of the odd interplay between deep lava tubes that provided geothermal energy and minerals in the earth itself. When Shinji reacted to Maya's panic, instinctively blasting a path eight hundred meters, fifty-three millimeters deep into the ground with a punch that sent his A.T. Field out before him in a tightly controlled coil, he set off a gigantic plume of debris and foul air that might have poisoned hundreds of NERV employees had it gone undetected during their exploration.

He also coated Unit-01's torso, face, and arm in soot, dirt, and other various powdered debris.

Coughing, reflexively reacting to the foreign matter marring the face he shared with his chariot, Shinji wiped away what he could, "S-sorry!" Hacking up dirt that didn't exist in his physical body, he shook his head, "Th…that was an odd scenario, Science…uhm, what was that?" His heartrate had skyrocketed, fear and anxiety mixing with confusion.

"Informative," Misato mused. "It was informative, Shinji." Turning off Maya's microphone, she crouched down by the silently crying woman and patted her on the back, "We do what we have to. Even if it means scaring ourselves, or pushing his buttons. This was a good test, Maya. We'll make use of it." Standing back up, she flipped the channel back open, not knowing that Shinji had heard everything, "RTB, Paladin. We have the data we need. You and Major Ibuki are dismissed for the evening."

Shinji's response was subdued, "Roger." _Some manipulations…they're for the greater good._

 _Not all of them, lover,_ Nyx held him close, seeming to desire to comfort him. _Be cautious, especially of voices in your own mind._

+++++ 7th Angel + 5: Friday (50)

After comforting Maya on the way home, the guilt-ridden woman weeping apology after apology for putting such a terrible scenario in his mind, Shinji urged her to lie down in his bed with Hikari. Contending that what she needed was a chance to see for herself that Hikari was fine, and to let herself relax, he promised that he was just going to go downstairs and punch his anxiety away.

Once he was alone, he instead sat down against the padded wall staring at his heavy bag, a million and one thoughts all waiting for their turn. It wasn't the confused chaos that typically buried him, countless panicked hands scratching at him and trying to drag him down with them. It wasn't even the big hitters that would take their turn laying waste to his mind with horrifying scenarios that he contrived only to berate himself. Instead, like a well-behaved classroom, each thought waited patiently to be called to the fore.

He had listened to Nyx, as she preferred to be called, and could not sense the lie in her words. Using the same trick as he had with everyone else, he felt confident that she wasn't playing him false in what she'd said. What followed from that, then, was that Ritsuko was very much a test. One he passed, by her own admission. If she, then, wasn't putting voices in Maya's mind then that meant that either someone else was, or Maya herself had more problems than Shinji could have known.

Functionally insane, or insanely functional, the voice that spoke up could be a sign of worse things to come. It could also be a sign of failing health, or overwork, or hereditary, or any number of serious ailments. A small part of him wondered if he had it in him to care for her, should she begin to slip into madness. The greater part of him determined that now more than ever she needed him by her side. _As a friend, or a lover,_ he agreed. _We all face challenges, and if this is hers, I'll do what I can._

The best place to start was to talk to her. _I need time to do that, in amongst everything else._ The Angel ranked highest. Whatever they'd learned about whatever he'd just done, it meant that part of the plan involved him. _More time at work, less time with Hikari,_ he frowned. He coveted their time together, even though he felt he might not show it as well as he could. _Allowing myself to get distracted, or lashing out at life. I need to do better. If I'm 'of a higher caste', then that means I have to hold myself to a higher standard._

+++++ 7th Angel + 5: Friday (50)

"I am rarely a man given to exaggeration," General Benoit stood at the site of the tunnel Shinji had created with Misato and a team of structural engineers that wanted to get a feel for the structural cohesion left in the wake of his A.T. Field, "but I am without a means to describe exactly how terrifying it is to witness the amount of destruction such a gentle man as he can cause when roused to anger or fear." Crouching, he ran his fingers along the smooth surface of the cavern, "In that monster, he is unmatched by any force I could bring to bear. I could field the greatest army known to mankind, and they would be children against an enraged bear."

"Then be glad he's on our side," Misato tapped her foot, eager for verification that the cave was as long as the MAGI had estimated. Looking over to the older officer, she kept her tone low, "And be glad he doesn't know about your meetings with Gendo."

"An occupational hazard," standing, he righted the hardhat he wore. "Keeping secrets from people is part of what the UN Inspector General Corps does. To ensure compliance at the highest levels, we operate in the strictest secrecy. I wonder, though, how _you_ know about my meetings, Colonel."

"I would think you know the saying, 'Quis custodiet ipsos custodes', General." Her hands stayed in her jacket pockets, her tone unthreatening, "We're all watching each other around here. As Sub-Commander, I'm still not quite trusted with everything that Kozo Fuyutsuki had been, a fact I find a little irritating. After working for a man like Gendo Ikari, even if only for a brief period, I'm not inclined to wholly trust his predecessor."

"That would be why you were placed where you were," Philip nodded amicably. "Should my confidence be found wanting in the current Commander, I felt it wise to install a safeguard I can trust to accomplish the mission." With a smile, he shrugged and spread his hands, "I freely admit that I've been playing bureaucracies off of each other, Misato. Let's be honest with ourselves, the corruption runs far deeper than even the most paranoid conspiracy theorist might dream it to. I'm not going to throw away a steady hand," gesturing to the tunnel, he let his smile drop, "especially one who can hold a tight leash on this."

She sighed in frustration, "But you won't tell me everything, either."

"I don't tell anyone everything," he turned to face the approaching team of engineers. "For their safety, and for my own. I have not assumed command of this endeavor for that very reason. Because someone needs to stem the corruption, and that's proving to be a full-time job."


	61. Chapter 61

+++++ 7th Angel + 5: Friday (50)

Helping his fiancée walk to the table, taking slow and cautious steps, Shinji pushed out an aura of calm and contentment, "You're doing great, Hikari. I know that it sucks having to use the chair all day, but you're getting better bit-by-bit." He held her back, stopping her from rushing forward in irritation by virtue of being the far greater mass between the two of them, "If we can make it through today without a dizzy spell, I will even agree to take a walk with you around the property tonight."

Her mood lifted rapidly from discontent to affectionate, "Oh?" Pausing, she narrowed her eyes, "You promise?"

"So long as Maya doesn't have to call me in for something," he looked over to the Major that was helping Nozomi set the table, "I promise. But work is work, and I don't have a say in those things."

"Shouldn't have to," Maya shook her head. "The theory is pretty sound, now it's all measurements and preparation. Getting equipment into place, personnel ready, support systems, blah, blah, blah." Taking the last piece of the place settings from the little lady of the house, she looked back to Shinji, "You should be ok for the evening, it's tomorrow that it is likely I will need you somewhere else." Hurrying into the kitchen, she played her agreed-upon part.

"Excellent," stepping over what Hikari had been about to ask, a line of conversation that would only end in both of the women aching, he continued, "then if we can have that walk after dinner, you should be very ready for bed." Leaning down, he lowered her voice, "Though maybe not too tired to cuddle for a while, yes?"

"Oh, that would be _lovely_ ," she beamed up at him. "I was sad when I woke up to get a drink and you weren't there last night." Sitting carefully at her chair, she soothed her hand over his arm, "But I appreciate that you left me a note saying you had been called into work."

Seating himself at the head of the table, he braced himself to do what he must, "Will you be ok without me?"

"I'll be fine," her tone switched to confident and consoling. "I know that you'll always have me in your heart, Shinji. But sometimes your heart needs to follow your body to go handle Angels. If you can win this without a fight, that'd be fantastic. If you can't, you should be there to support Asuka-san. I have Kodama, our Family, and I bet I could even ask Temple-san for help if I really needed to."

"Will you be ok if I…don't rush back?" This was the true test, if she questioned him and he sensed jealousy, he would cut everyone else out right then and there. "I was thinking maybe staying behind and talking to Maya one-on-one, see if she'd open up more with only one of us there."

The smile she gave him spoke volumes, "Of course, my love. Is this what you've been worried about all morning?" Sitting back, she sighed, "I swear, I may never convince you that you have my complete and total trust." A fond roll of her eyes and she waved him off, "You aren't going to go around cheating Shinji, and it's not cheating to try and convince Maya we care for her."

"It may not end that way," Shinji cautioned. "She might decide that she'd rather just be our friend…or…she might not want both of us." Steeling his heart, he leaned in, "You and I are a package deal, Hikari. It's us, or neither."

Taken aback by his sudden display of determination, she looked over to where Kodama was packing for her day, "What about…?" He could sense that there was more there, something he didn't see. He could almost swear it seemed like…relief?

"She's different," Shinji shook his head. "She still has to prove to me that this isn't just…lust. And I won't subject you to the details. But other than her, I am not going to include someone else that can't love you too, Hikari. I don't care what you say, that's my line in the sand." Giving the agreed upon signal, he cut off her response again, "Nozomi-chan, do you need help?"

Maya called out, "We've got it! It stuck to the pan a little, sorry!"

Nozomi hurried out and served out the morning meal, "We forgot the spray stuff, and the burners were lit so we didn't want to try and add it. Safety first!" She hopped up and kissed Shinji's cheek, "Thank you for letting me try today, nii-san." Carefully moving the pan back into the kitchen, she began clean-up.

Seating herself at Shinji's side, opposite Hikari, Maya grinned, "She's doing so well! I was several years older before my parents would let me try."

"I'm just glad I have more people around to help teach," Shinji smiled with confidence. "Not everyone learns the same, and no matter happens I want the four of us to continue to help each other learn." Taking Maya's hand, and then Hikari's, he put a great deal of emphasis on his sentiment, "Family. Even if not the kind that we'd prefer, is what we will always be."

"Exactly," Maya agreed, keeping a tight rein on her desire for the powerful man beside her. "So, let me tell Hikari about tomorrow. She won't go around blabbing details, so there's no reason we can't share some of the mission plan." Gesturing for everyone to try the food, she forced herself to sound excited, "Shinji demonstrated something formidable yesterday, and he really impressed General Benoit and Colonel Katsuragi…."

+++++ 7th Angel + 5: Friday (50)

School came and went without anything of note happening to mar the day, and dinner was set with more spaces, Shinji's dinner plans bumped up a day with everything planned out for the following morning. Rei floated around him, offering a helping hand and spending extra time in his presence while Misato aided Hikari around the house giving Pen-Pen a chance to approve of everything in sight with Nozomi as his tour guide. He was glad that everyone had become available, wanting to reassure his fellow pilot that he believed her to be valuable, and his former guardian that she was a part of his life.

"I appreciate this, Rei," he smiled at her as she held the strainer steady. "Another set of hands for these dishes is always handy."

"I am ready to assist in all things, Shinji," her lack of a song was still disconcerting, though it was impossible to imagine her in any form acting duplicitous. "We are not often able to spend time bonding, and I will not turn down even a few moments by your side."

Acting on impulse, he hugged her to him as he tipped the pot with one hand, "I agree, Rei. Things have been so chaotic around here, and I should make more of an effort to include you in my life."

"It is unfortunate that Major Ibuki will not be here," she stated in her typical monotone.

"She agreed to work so that Misato could be," Shinji rubbed her arm and moved free so Rei could more effectively strain the water. "All part of saving the world, I guess. Once all of this is over, we can try to have another dinner with all of us here. One big happy family," he laughed mentally at the variety of personalities that would be present.

"I have not experienced having a matriarch," Rei shimmied her whole body as she worked the strainer side to side to drain more of the water. "It is interesting to observe as Colonel Katsuragi struggles against her nature. She has insisted I purchase an unnecessary number of clothes, as well as additional toiletries and paints that seem excessive. She seems to wish that I act in a manner closer to that of our peers."

"I meant it earlier when I said you looked lovely, Rei-san," Hikari leaned against the door to the kitchen. "Sometimes we don't have to only do what's 'necessary', sometimes we can do what's 'fun', like dressing up to spend time with family and friends."

"Class Re…No, I apologize, Hikari-san, you should not be walking around unassisted. It would be a breach of my agreement should you come to harm tonight." Drying off her hands, she moved to support Shinji's fiancée, "Is there something that you require?"

"I just wanted to see how you two were doing," Hikari calmly accepted Rei's offer of an arm to lean upon. "Nozomi-chan and Pen-Pen have Misato busy, and as hostess I should be available to see to all of my guests needs." Wrapping her arm over the bluenette's, she smiled, "I appreciate you helping my fiancé, I think he needs more friends like you."

"There's nobody quite like Rei," Shinji smiled happily at the pair. "I think if there were, I wouldn't have been needed as a pilot."

"You are necessary, Shinji," Rei's answer conveyed minor distress, which with how understated all of her external emotional signals tended to be, Shinji knew meant that she was almost panicked. "Without you, there is no hope of victory. I can be replaced, you cannot."

"Neither of you is replaceable," Hikari interjected firmly. "So don't you go thinking you are, Rei-san."

 _She is, though,_ Dark whispered. _She would never lie to you, Shinji. Not even euphemistically, you know that._

"Rei…." Setting aside what he was doing and ignoring the presence of his otherworldly guest, he turned and tried to appear as non-threatening as possible, "Why do you feel you are replaceable?"

A small pained frown fell into place, "That knowledge exists at a classification level beyond which I am capable of broaching at the moment." Looking down, Rei shook her head, "I apologize, I am not authorized to make a decision regarding who may be read on for the details."

"No, no," Shinji hurried over and took her shoulders, "stop. You haven't failed me. I'm not upset, I understand that we're all sworn to secrecy about things. If this is something you can't say, you can't say it." Shifting one hand, he pulled lightly on her chin to bring her eyes up to his, "Rei, I promise," he smiled for all he was worth, "I'm not angry."

"That is not true," she frowned, clearly having difficulty holding his gaze. "Your expression and posture indicate otherwise."

"I'm not angry _at you_ ," he amended. "I'm angry at whoever thought that making you feel expendable was a good idea."

"Shinji understands, Rei," Hikari moved her arms free, pulling Rei into a hug. "Both of you were so abused, and neither of you deserved an ounce of it." Tears stood in her eyes as she looked up to the man she loved, "I'd give anything to have had you two with us growing up. Daddy wouldn't have tolerated it, and I would have been able to help you so much earlier, Rei."

"If Shinji lived with you, he would not be engaged to you now. The Westermarck effect would have prevented you from feeling sexual attraction to his presence," Rei's voice was even quieter than usual. "It is believed to be the reason that cases of incestual reproduction are as low as they are."

"You never know," Hikari tried to push some cheer back into the conversation. "Maybe Shinji's sexiness would have been too powerful." Tugging her back into the kitchen, she urged Shinji to support her, "I'll sit down here at the island. You help with dinner. Nothing's changed, Rei, you're still you and there'll only ever be one you."

+++++ 7th Angel + 5: Friday (50)

Taking his time on their walk, Shinji learned that holding someone close to you while in motion was a learned skill in and of itself. Especially when the person you walk with is well below ribcage level. "I agree," he kept his eyes moving instinctively as the songs of the agents that trailed around them, far enough away to be out of hearing, bled into his natural motions, "and I've asked Misato to look into the matter. She hasn't answered me yet, but I don't anticipate she'll read her e-mails right away."

"She wants so badly to be a part of your life," Hikari leaned her head against his torso. "I'm tempted to have her move in with us, but we need the privacy to discuss…everything. She's a good person, but she's also still devoted to the laws she works under."

"I'm going to try and ask her if she can talk to me, just me, and if it was you that stopped her," he turned them slightly when he felt the agents begin to worry. Shifting their angle to keep them in a reasonable radius of the house itself, he tuned their path to match what he heard, "I have no problem telling you the truth, no matter what they classify it at. But she doesn't have that…freedom? Privilege?" He laughed, "She might be a better employee than I am simply for that fact."

"She also doesn't love me like you love me," Hikari batted at his stomach. "You would choose me over the whole world, and while that's wonderful for me to feel, it's also not healthy for you. I'm just one person, Shinji."

"You're _my_ one person," he corrected. "If I didn't have you…we both know how that turned out." Looking up through the sparse clouds, he saw the moon and those few stars capable of piercing the lights of the city, "Gentle is gone." He still felt the wave of dizziness, but it was far more controllable. The images flashed through his mind, but didn't control it.

"Gone?"

"I don't know," he resumed his wary observation of the world around them, "Dark simply said 'Gone'. The way she said the word…I don't know that she'll come back. It's odd, I don't know her, I don't even really know what she looks like, but she's gone. They say I'm a part of a war that involves them, that my actions here impact the entirety of reality. Something I did may have caused a person I'll never meet to die, and I may never know what that thing I did was."

"That's a terrible burden," she agreed, trying to let him talk through his emotions.

He bent over and kissed the top of her head, "I would let it burn, Hikari." Whispering into her hair, he allowed his passions to swell past his defenses, "Reality without you in it…that's not a place I'm interested in living." Halting their progress, he knelt down on one knee, sitting her upon his leg, "You tell me that I don't have your permission to die…and I will do my utmost to hold myself to that command." Locking her eyes with his, he shook his head slowly, "Don't leave me alone, either. I love Nozomi-chan, she is a beautiful…bright ball of hope. I want so badly to see her grow up happy, healthy, and free to live the life she wants. I love Kodama, she's a good woman who wants nothing more than the people around her to be safe and healthy. I love Maya, she is honest, caring…she very easily could have been the woman I loved most in a world without you. I _love_ you, Hikari Horaki. I love you in ways that have no words to describe them. If I had one last act on this world, it would be to ensure you knew of my love for you. Don't…don't ever leave me."

She felt the weight of his words, a hint of sadness growing in her gut, "You're going to tell her 'No', aren't you?"

"I'm going to be honest," he countered. "We are a package deal, like I said. If she wants to step back, wait for a few years, I don't think that either of us is going to have a problem with that. If she finds someone else, we'll hurt…."

"But we'll wish her well," Hikari nodded, looking down at her hands. "We'll hurt, we'll…ask that she comes over for dinner from time to time."

"I'm sorry I pushed this, Hikari," having set the scene, he attempted to make it as right as he could. "I should have trusted my instincts, I should have kept what I felt to myself. You wouldn't be suffering like this if I had."

"No," she shook her head, "I'd be suffering knowing that you were hiding something. I'd wonder if you loved her more than me, if you were with me because of momentum, instead of because I'm the sun in your sky." Laughing bitterly, she grimaced a smile, "One whole day with a girlfriend. I…I guess it's more than many get." Wiping her wrist against her eye, she tried to fix her smile, "She's not moving out. She's one of us."

"I wouldn't ask that she does," Shinji offered her a handkerchief. "I'd encourage her not to."

"Thank you," taking the cloth, she dabbed at her eyes and paused before looking at the offering and then back to him. "You never gave it back."

"I'm not as good a man as everyone thinks I am," he shrugged. "If everything went poorly early on…I just wanted a small memory of the Light of my life." Blushing, he smiled, "Something to put in a box filled with memories, to remember the times that I wouldn't have traded for the world. I carry it with me, whenever I can, so that I can have a piece of you with me."

+++++ 7th Angel + 6: Saturday (51)

"Hey, you!" Asuka jogged over and jumped into a hug, leaving her feet and trusting Shinji to catch her, "They let you play hooky today?" With her arms wrapped around his neck, she smirked playfully, "I thought they'd at least make you go to the half-day today."

Holding the fireball tightly around her waist, he smiled, _She's a different person, but she's still Asuka._ "The Commander wants us on the road now, and once everything's in place he wants the mission to begin without any delays." Setting her down, he let her take his arm and continued towards the briefing room, "I'm going to be on support on this one, Asuka. I want you to know that no matter what happens, I've got your back. You'll have the kill, when it comes to that."

"That doesn't matter," she shook her head, her hair dancing as she laughed. "Support, assault? We both participate, we both take the credit." Her shoulders swayed slightly as she worked a thought free, "I once declared to anyone that would listen that I'd be the greatest Eva pilot ever. That everyone would know my name." Looking up at him, her smile dying, she whispered loud enough for only him to hear, "I don't want that, Shinji. I don't want people judging me all the time, digging through my past, stealing into my mind and…. I don't want what you have."

Pausing before the door, he gave her his best smile, "I don't either, Asuka. And I'll do everything I can to help you from having it inflicted upon you too." Panning his hand across the sky he grinned, "The Scarlet Sentinel! Mysterious, alluring, dangerous! Nobody knows them, but 'The Baron' credits them with turning the tide of the war."

" _Lord Ikari_ had better take some credit too," Asuka laughed, slapping his stomach and tugging him towards the door. "Your sense of humor's improving, Shinji." As the door opened, she grinned, "You still owe me a date with you and Hikari. I'm thinking we go karaoke once she's steadier on her feet. Don't want her getting light-headed and ruining the fun."

"Karaoke?" Shinji blanched, "Me?"

"You'll face giant alien monsters, but not a pair of ladies that want to cut loose and sing?" She smirked, "Don't ruin the illusion, _My Lord_."

"No illusions," Misato snorted. "He's been this way as long as I've known him." Sitting near the head of the briefing table, she had the look of a woman with little sleep and a lot of coffee in her, "You two ready?"

"Aren't we missing a few people?" Asuka looked around as they approached the seats, "Just the three of us?"

"At first," Misato nodded as Shinji was shoved into a seat by his wingman. "I wanted to touch on a few things, kind of 'in the family' things. You two are the pointy end, and I'm asking you to do something stupid, dangerous, and…stupid. The idea is very stupid."

"You covered that," rolling her hand, the Second Child sat on the table by Shinji so they faced their boss as a unified front. Bracing herself on one hand, she kicked her feet idly and leaned to the side, "Get on with it."

"I don't agree with capturing this Angel. I've made my objections clear, and been overruled. That means I have to ask you to execute an order that I'm uncomfortable with. I don't want you two doing anything that risks punishment," she looked directly at Asuka, "and trying to do what you think I want. Follow orders, accomplish the mission, we all go home." Looking to Shinji, she raised her eyebrow to make sure he understood that she was including him in the lecture.

"If it threatens my wingman," he met iron with iron, "I'm killing it. Orders or no orders, when we are operating in the field you made me Lead, and I will not sacrifice one of my Pilots just to satisfy a bunch of scholars. Even one I live with." His heart pounded, he was directly challenging Misato and he knew that was a terrible idea in _good_ times. "You're right, we're the pointy end. Our job is killing these bastards. If possible, we'll capture it. If not? Feel free to lock me up afterwards."

"Us," Asuka declared firmly. "Because I won't let it kill him either." Shinji felt the fire, the passion, every ounce of Asuka's song declared her the same young girl he'd spent months fearing. Only now, that fire was warming him instead of scalding him.

"…Good." Misato grinned, "Just what I needed to hear. Let's go to the briefing room."

"Cheeky bitch," Asuka mumbled. Hopping off the table, she took Shinji's arm again, pulling him back out of the seat and headed to the door.

Misato's tone carried amused fatigue, "I heard that, Asuka."

"You were supposed to, Frau Katsuragi," the redhead waved airily. "Come on, let's get going. I'm hungry, and Shinji promised snacks on the trip."

+++++ 7th Angel + 6: Saturday (51)

The VTOL wasn't as packed as the others, specially set aside so that Shinji was given another opportunity to practice flying. With his security contingent, Asuka, and Maya aboard it was far less likely that he would be provoked into trying anything stupid. When his pilot-slash-trainer turned out to be Feelgood instead of Raffle, he was a little surprised, but not displeased. Sitting in the co-pilot seat, listening to his wingman and girlfriend go over the specific details once more, he wasn't shocked when the channel in his headset switched from the general comms partway to their destination to a more narrow band.

"Paladin…thanks," the man in charge of The Damned reached over and tapped Shinji's shoulder with his fist. "I know that you hate it when people tell you you're a good man, that you prefer to just let the voodoo you manage speak for itself, but you taking care of Christie like this was a huge help to us. I was looking myself, through the areas I have influence over, and was coming up bingo. Big fat nothing."

"It is difficult to hire people without mechanical skills, or skills as a pilot," Vidar's voice came over the radio. "The grounds crew and sanitation engineers either don't want, or need, more unskilled hands."

"It was getting to the point that I was considering just moving her in with me, giving her an allowance, and letting her sort it out when she was ready," Feelgood grimaced.

"Which would have been terrible," Noelle laughed. "I can just see you telling your random floozies to ignore the other woman in the house."

The man beside him shook his head, "I wouldn't have brought any home, Raffle. I'm a playboy, not an asshole."

"Does she have enough to survive on," Shinji asked the question that had bugged him, "to last for a while so that she can grieve? If she needs help…."

"We've got her, Pally," Raffle's voice carried contentment.

"We all contribute to a fund," Vidar added. "That way, should such unhappy circumstances arise, we can rest comfortably knowing that our loved ones are not suffering until benefits are paid out and support systems employed."

"I have a money manager making money with the money," Feelgood gave Shinji a thumbs up, "they give me reports every quarter that I share with the pilots. Figure if one day we all get to retire, we can split up the remainder between us all and it won't have been just sitting there like a lump."

"That's…pretty smart." Shinji began to ponder a similar idea, wondering how much each of the Eva pilots made, "Still, though, I meant it. If there's anything I can do to help, please let me know."

"You could bring us three degrees port," the head of The Damned grinned. "That'd be a help." Flipping a pair of switches, the tenor of his voice changed with the audience he was now addressing, "Ladies and gentlemen this is your Captain speaking, if you look out the windows to your left, that's the one that makes the 'し' when you hold your thumb out to the side with the back of your hand facing you, you'll see that the weather around Mount Asama has cleared up significantly. It looks like we'll be able to make our descent here in a few minutes, hoping to put you on the ground close to the staging area. We here at Damned Airways understand that you don't have a choice as to who you fly with, and would appreciate it if you left nothing but positive feedback with your cabin attendants."

Shinji smiled at the light-hearted banter that followed, happy that the people he was heading into battle with weren't suffused with doom and gloom. Borrowing heavily from Raffle, he maneuvered the VTOL with little input from the pilot beside him towards the twin behemoths of Units -01 and -02. The Osprey's radar-lock warning sounded only once before he called out, "Break, break, break!" Sending his VTOL hard to starboard and deploying his onboard countermeasures. Paying firm attention to controlling his own aircraft, ignoring Maya's confused cry of panic, Shinji was only vaguely aware of the other two birds in the formation employing similar evasive maneuvers.

Just after a louder-than-expected explosion, an unfamiliar voice sounded over the radio as Shinji banked his turn into a climb, "Hammer Flight, this is Big Bird. We have visual on the trail, TarCAP is proceeding to engage. Recommend come about heading one eight zero and Elevator Angels Two-Two, over."

"Roger…no joy on enemy bogey, Big Bird," Feelgood might as well have been in a rocking chair for all the stress in his song and voice as he carefully took control back from Shinji. "Was that a telephone pole? Over."

"Affirmative, Hammer Zero One," the overwatch confirmed as to his right, Shinji saw another pair of jets rip through the sky banking down towards the ground. "Uh, Hammer Zero One, say your state, over."

"State two point six, over," he frowned, keeping his eyes slowly panning over his instruments.

Shinji listened to the other VTOLs report their fuel load, turning back around and making eye contact with his passengers and making an 'ok' symbol. Asuka was the first to return the gesture, the others lagging slightly behind in understanding what he was asking. Spreading her hands out, the redhead pointed around the cabin, then down.

Shinji jabbed his thumb down to the ground below, then shrugged. _I don't know if there's more, but they seem to think the missile was launched from the ground._ Accepting a brief smile of understanding from his wingman, he turned back into the cockpit and rejoined the conversation mentally, "Feelgood, I'm sorry-"

"Sorry my ass, Paladin," the man snapped. "You hear that sound, you do _exactly_ what you did." Laughing, a cold sound, he tapped the side of his head, "For me, it's trained reflex. I hear my alarm clock make that sound and I react. You? Man, I want to put you in for official training now more than ever."

Raffle's voice came over the radio, "Hammer Zero One, Colonel Katsuragi is requesting a SITREP, over."

Shinji responded with the information he'd gained, "We're all fine here, Raffle. A little shaken, but nobody seems hurt, over."

"Hammer Flight," the overwatch sounded irritated, "TarCAP reports negative contact with ground forces. The RRT is reporting no unidentified broadcasts from target area. We have a QRF heading to perform a sweep of the area right now, next update in twenty mikes, out."

"Twenty minutes," Shinji grimaced. "And at any second, they could launch another missile at us."

"Hell of a time to be alive," Feelgood grinned. "Giant aliens, monstrous robots, people trying to kill the savior of the world…it'll make a hell of a movie." Keying his microphone, he did his part to soothe nerves, "Ladies and gentlemen, it appears that your Captain is full of shit. Thanks to some skilled stickwork by your favorite newly-engaged Eva Pilot, we'll live to try this again in a little under a half an hour, give or take."

+++++ 7th Angel + 6: Saturday (51)

Kozo's heart beat dangerously fast as he listened to the communications between various units, "There is no reason to believe this was a serious attack." Looking over to General Benoit, he scowled as he tried to lower his pulse and blood pressure, "Unless they are so inept as to think that a single MANPADS was likely to be enough, a mistake I doubt SEELE capable of making, this was a message."

"It might not be SEELE," Philip offered, calmly tapping his hat atop his knee. "We would be unwise to become so blinkered as to think they were the only people with a desire to see us fail." His eyes were focused on the camera feed coming back from the Quick Reaction Force as they secured the area around the site of the attack, mentally making notes to share with the commander of the unit regarding their performance, "That is a mistake we can ill afford."

"They might be forcing us to expend more resources," the Commander of NERV-Tokyo countered. "Moving this from a potential invasion of organized military forces to an asymmetrical campaign. Bleed us out with a thousand cuts while they continue to attempt to choke our financial standing." Catching sight of the VTOL squadron turning back around to approach their landing spot, he forced himself to calm once more, "It would make sense, after the US, Russia, and China filed their joint motion to pull their portion of the funding, concerns over 'illegal acts', as the impetus."

General Benoit smirked, "Your counter-filing in the UN has already been entered. You know as well as I do that various trigger clauses in the mutual defense pact prevent unilateral abdication of the treaty, unless they declare war. The motions have to be accepted by the other four members of the UNSC, unanimously, or they are just posturing. With the recent arrests, Japan, France, and Germany have all notified me of their firm opposition to the idea already. If they wish war," he turned to face Kozo, "it makes my job that much easier."

Kozo's attention was pulled to the screen, one of the Marines cautiously approaching a colorfully wrapped present sitting on the forest floor, "A trap?" Two specialists in dealing with explosive devices were summoned, beginning their tasks without much apparent fear. Meticulously taking measurements, they soon declared it free of the potential to detonate, asking for orders. "Have them bring it in," Kozo urged the field commander. "It might not be explosive, but it could still be dangerous. We'll have them open it in the robotics lab, where we can sanitize the area if needed."

"His birthday is in June, is it not?" Philip shook his head, "The closest would be the Soryu child. It's unlikely to have been targeted at her. I guess we'll soon see."

+++++ 7th Angel + 6: Saturday (51)

Approaching Shinji's VTOL at a run, Misato made a cursory check of Asuka, an even more rapid check of Maya, and threw her arms around Shinji as soon as he set foot out of the aircraft. Holding him tight for a three count, she pushed back, "Are you ok?"

" _We_ are fine, Misato," Shinji gestured to Asuka. Wincing as the roar of a combat helicopter flying past deafened everyone, he tried to smile confidently, "I think poor Maya took the worst of it. She was leaned forward when I had to jink, and she got bounced around."

"I'm ok," the Major disagreed tiredly. "Most of my exercise regimen is stretching and cardio, flexibility helps prevent serious injuries. It's the reason you see professional athletes doing it."

His countenance gave no quarter, "You're still getting a checkup. We have medics on site, and I will feel better once I know that you aren't just running on adrenaline."

"Better do what he says," Asuka giggled. "He'll have Frau Katsuragi make it an order, if you don't." Stretching her torso out, she eyed Misato and gestured to the Evas, "Can we go check on them…or did you need to play mommy some more?"

"He lets me mother him," the Colonel retorted with a snort. "Unlike some people."

"Let's go check on our gear," Shinji cut into the banter. "We've already lost enough time, I'd rather not engage in stupidity in the darkness." Nodding to Feelgood, he handed the man his helmet, "Thanks for the lesson. Please let Raffle and Vidar know I'll check on them later." Looking back to Maya, he gently cupped her shoulder, "I insist, Maya. A quick evaluation while you are briefed by your team, it won't delay you much."

"…Fine," the flirty smile she gave him coloring her song with desire. "Since you insist."

"C'mon," Asuka pulled on his arm, glowering at Maya's brazen flirtation, "I want to walk through the plan with you."

Shinji saw Maya and Misato both frown at Asuka's back as she turned to walk away, hanging on his arm. Once they were a fair distance from the group, he asked in low tones, "Are you ok? I know you don't like people worrying over you…but, I'm worried."

"I'm fine," patting his wrist, she smiled happily up at him. "I don't mind _you_ worrying over me. Friends worry about friends."

Nodding slowly, he kept his pace to hers, "You seem upset with Maya, something happen during the flight?"

"Hrmph," her grunted response carried with it a clear negation of his question. "She's still flirting with you, even after you're engaged to be married. I'd thought she was just that kind of a flirty lady, but a good woman knows to dial that back if a man has been declared off-limits."

Shinji's mind rapidly sorted through his records of their conversations, never once coming up with an instance of him having told Asuka about the odd relationship they were circling around. "You…don't like it when people flirt with someone who's engaged?"

Her eyes turned up to his, a slight tinge of worry about them, "You don't think I'm flirting, do you?" Her song, the odd duality that it carried, trended more towards the darker undercurrents, "I-I'm really not, I promise, Shinji."

"No, no," pulling her to a stop, he tried to exude calm. Freeing his arm, he laid both hands on her shoulders and kept steady eye contact, "Asuka, you're not looking. You told me that yourself. What I mean is, Misato flirts all the time. She flirts with me, and I'm her legal ward! Some people, like you said, are just that way. Is it _any_ woman, or just Maya that bothers you when she flirts?" _She could have insight that I'm missing._

Looking around, Asuka's demeanor shifted from panic-tinged to fear-laden, "Do…do you promise not to…to…."

Placing all of the hope he could into his smile, he gently massaged her neck, "I'm your friend. If I can help, let me help. If you have advice, please," he tilted his head at a friendly angle, "I'm all ears."

"I…spent some time in…." Lowering her voice, she stepped in and busied her hands picking at his shirt, "I was placed in a psychiatric treatment facility for a time. I got to know the…signs," he could feel her struggling against running away and made certain that he wasn't restraining her with the physical contact they had. "You know…of instability."

"I see," nodding, Shinji slowly moved one hand to lift her chin up. "Our past, Asuka, is just that. I spent a very long time being abused by people that I was supposed to be able to trust with my life, so I understand what you're implying. You have my word, whatever help I can provide…you will have it."

Her smile once more filled with the warm blaze of life that he'd never seen the first time through, "You too, Shinji. I'm going to be the best friend you've got, just watch." The smile dimmed, and she looked back to the tent that Misato and Maya had moved towards, "I don't think she's all there. I'm worried that she's going to try and…but you wouldn't let her, I know that." Turning back to look up at him with a renewed desperation, she shook her head, "I don't think you're the kind to go wandering, Shinji. I promise. You're not my father, you're a much, much better man."

"It's ok," _This just got a lot more complicated_. "You aren't judging me, Asuka. Just like I'm not judging you. Friends, right?"

"Best friends," whipsawing back to happy, she shook off the darkness. "I'll keep them away, Shinji. I don't mind being 'the bitch', so that Hikari can focus on being the nice one. I know you Japanese, always eager to be polite and nice." Shifting back to his arm, she moved them towards the Evas, "I'll show you how we handle homewreckers in Berlin."

Shinji swallowed the rest of his sentence, _Damn. It._

+++++ 7th Angel + 6: Saturday (51)

Standing on the scaffolding for Unit-02, the pair of pilots took their ease in the day's plugsuits. Shinji's eyes never strayed below Asuka's nose, and he often found reasons to simply stare at the lines of Unit-02's D-type equipment rather than the lines on it's pilot, "I don't know how I do it," he answered in response to her query. "I really don't. Ever since the bath in the L-Nine, I've just been able to feel better what our Evas feel."

Waiting out the drone of another wing of helicopters moving past, Asuka stood with her fingers laced behind her neck, her stance arrogant and proud. When she wouldn't have to yell to be heard, she looked over, "That's got to be worrying. I looked into the numbers, after Major Ibuki warned me against trying to compete with you, and she's right. The last, the _only_ , case of a pilot exceeding four hundred…she disappeared. They never found a body."

 _Should I tell her? We're about to go into battle, no matter what they think we're doing._ "After that happened," he began obliquely, "my father sent me away. It was…." Fighting against his desire to be fully honest, he changed what he was going to say as the morose sadness that accompanied memories of his mother filled him, "It was the last day I ever saw my mother, before she…she disappeared."

"Your…oh, mein Gott," Asuka's hands clapped to her mouth, "oh, mein liebster Freund." Reaching out with one hand, she placed it on his chest, "I didn't know, Bitte, Bitte vergib mir."

"It's fine," he shook his head, pushing away the confusion and sorrow as the German translated itself in his mind. _Now isn't the time._ "It was…a long time ago. To be honest, I had blocked out the memory…kind of. I only remembered recently, and only after my father admitted the truth to me." Deciding to try and use humor to reset the mood, he smiled, "I guess that's something we share in common, our fathers are assholes."

"We…have a lot in common," Asuka's face refused to let go of what she felt was an error. "My mother," looking away, out towards the world, she pushed her own truth out, "my mother hung herself. She had been suffering with…her physical health was not the problem." The life left her voice, her song spiking oddly, "The day they announced I was to be the pilot of Unit-02, I ran to tell my mother and…."

 _Up my own ass so far I'm surprised I didn't see through my mouth,_ Shinji berated himself. Choosing to take another risk, Shinji stepped up to the much smaller woman before him, wrapping her in a hug, "We have far too much in common, Asuka. I'm so sorry that you had to see that, _live_ that. I can't imagine-"

"Yes you can," Asuka punched his back, her face buried in his torso. "You _can_ imagine it, Shinji. That's why I told you." Tears rolled down her cheeks as she looked up at him, "You see it in your own memories, your mother disappearing forever! Don't you put me above you! Don't you dare belittle yourself because I swear I'll beat your ass if you try!"

 _Why, Asuka? Why wouldn't you tell me?_ Kneeling down, he knew the answer too well, _Why wouldn't I tell you?_ Now much closer to eye level, he let his own sadness show, "That doesn't mean I'm not sorry it happened." Placing his hands on her hips, he gave a pained bark of laughter, "I never wanted anyone to feel what I felt, to live what I've lived. The doubt, the anxiety, the constant worry that I somehow…." Stopping to breathe, to make sure that he didn't break down into tears himself, he gave her the chance to speak.

"That we drove them to it," Asuka nodded. Rubbing her thumbs under his eyes, she wiped away the few stray drops that denied his control, "I knew, from the first time we talked, I knew you were the one that would understand me. That would _get_ me." A grin broke through her own tears, "I'm so glad you have Hikari, Shinji. I'm so beyond glad."

Accepting the shift in topic, he smiled sadly, "I wish you had someone, yourself."

"Oh, but I do." Helping him stand, she hugged herself to his side, "I have you. I have you in the way that I _need_ you, not the way that I'd make a gigantic mess out of." Holding her fist out before them, she challenged the world, "We'll conquer this whole planet, Shinji. Friends, through and through."

+++++ 8th Angel + 0: Saturday (51)

Inside of his entry plug, Shinji waited for his turn to engage the connections with his Eva. The basic connection gave enough power to see Asuka sitting in her plug, her hair floating loose in the LCL, to see Maya frowning at her station, her nose twitching in the adorable way it did when she was troubled over something, to see Misato standing on the makeshift bridge handing out orders and directing traffic.

"Hey Shinji," Asuka giggled, drawing his gaze. "Check it out," pressing the button on her suit, it inflated massively to surround her with coolant, "I'm a Fleischbällchen!"

Barking out a surprised laugh, Shinji could scarcely believe that this was the same woman that threw a tantrum when she had demonstrated the effect in his first life. "I doubt you'd be very filling," he sallied back, "all grit and gristle. Hardly any meat on you at all."

"Not all of us can be mega-athletes," she tossed her hair back dramatically. "Some of us have to be supermodels."

"All right, Paladin," Maya interrupted, a touch of irritation marring her song, "we're go for A-Ten."

Swelling into the entirety of Unit-01, Shinji embraced the peace it brought. _Hello, Nyx_ , greeting the otherworldly presence before she could speak, he tried to set the tone for the entire event, _we're going to be attempting to capture the Angel. When that fails, we're going to kill it._

 _Mmm, I love to hear you sound so confident, Lover. It sets me all a tingle._ Laying herself against his human form, she writhed amorously, _I'll be a good girl. You kill that mean, nasty Sandalphon._

"I'm surrounded by them," Shinji murmured. Looking over to Unit-02, he pushed past the statement, "Ok. So I open a trench, Unit-02 hurries down into it and pushes through the exposed magma…lava…the molten rock, and captures the Angel." Working his wrists loose, he filled himself with grim determination, "If this goes wrong, we kill it."

Hefting the cage intended to carry the Eighth, Asuka's song seemed slightly less discordant after their heart-to-heart, "Home in time for supper. What are we having?"

Misato stepped in, "Nothing, at least not until the mission's over. Stay focused, Asuka." Patting Maya's shoulder, she moved them along, "Designate the target coordinates, Science. Paladin, mind the angle. We don't want to give this bastard any more warning than we have to that it's being evicted. One punch, no mistakes."

"Understood, Mother," moving Unit-01 towards the mountainside, he began to stretch his, and by extension his Eva's, arms out. "All right, Science. I'm in your hands, show me what I'm punching."

"Ground penetrating radar shows…here," entering the string of code, she sent the targeting solution to Shinji. "Be careful, Shinji, just like in training there's going to be a back-blast. After you punch, move to your right and put your back to the mountain. We'll hose off Unit-01's faceplate, clearing off your cameras and then you can resume your post."

"Roger," Shinji smiled. "Punch, go right, sprayed with water, back in the fight." Looking over to Unit-02, he made the same 'ok' symbol as he had in the air, "You ready, Two?"

"On your go, Lead," Asuka nodded, her own confident smile shining through.

Sizing up his target, the angle, the anticipated depth, he took several calming breaths, _I wish I had a song to use here._

 _You don't need one,_ Nyx's hand trailed along his cheek. _You_ are _power. You extend your will, just as you did the day before, and it will do precisely what you ask it to. Have faith in yourself, Lover._ A seductive purr entered her tone, _Or at least, faith in your partner._

 _Faith._ Pulling his fist back, he slowly moved it forward to touch the mountain before him. Three times, each time wrapping his A.T. Field tighter around his hand. The fourth time, he roared out his battle cry and bored an enormous tunnel in the Earth. Unable to see for the cloud of debris, he threw himself to the right as ordered, coughing out, "Go!" The spray of water hitting him was aided by his wiping the dirt, stone, and caked mud free, only ten seconds passing before he could see clearly again.

As he took up a monitoring position, he kept a close eye on both the umbilical and the back of the D-type equipment as Asuka slid carefully down the man-made geological feature. It was a steep decline, with poor footing and worse visibility as she pushed against the molten stone, gasses, and heat to approach her target. Once she was completely subsumed, all he could see was the umbilical as it slowly unwound, and the image in his mind from his human form watching the monitor inside of Unit-02 itself.

"I think…I see it," Asuka reported after a tense few moments as her A.T. Field touched the area cleared by the Angel's. "Hässlicher Bastard." Forcing her way directly by it, she set the cage in place and pressed the button, "Engaging restraints."

"Careful, Two," Shinji cautioned. "I don't like this."

Her reply was simple, "Copy." With all of her focus on the task at hand, she was determined to avoid a similar mishap as the one she'd suffered at the hands of the Seventh Angel. The sac-encased near-humanoid appearing Angel looked analogous, at best, to a human fetal embryo. As the rods of the cage locked into position, the energy field surrounding its prey, she frowned, "It's moving." Hauling her prize, she tried to swim back towards the entrance, "Pull me out. Let's go, let's go."

"Retracting cable," Maya reported. "Asuka, if that meter hits seventeen point six, let go of the cage and climb the umbilical." Setting a display up on Unit-02's HUD, she turned to Shinji, "Don't push your luck, Shinji. You don't have the right equipment." She knew that she couldn't directly imply the presumed failure of the mission, but neither did she want to see him melt trying to save his comrade.

A sharp pinging sound echoed through the radio link, Asuka wincing, "That was my prog knife." One eye on the exit, and the other on the climbing number on her display, she held to her confidence, "Not that much further. Another four hundred meters." Sparing a glance at Shinji, she grinned, "Three fifty."

His muscles were bunched, ready to sprint down the tunnel to act. He nodded to her unspoken hope, "Through and through."

An alarm began to suddenly sound, "Asuka, eject it!" Maya's hands danced along the keyboard, "It's inverting its Field, it's going to implode the cage!"

Throwing the potential bomb away, the redhead used both hands to climb the umbilical like a rope, "Moving out!"

Taking hold of the long cable himself, Shinji began to reel it in desperately, far outpacing the machines assigned the task, "Climb, Asuka! We don't want to fight that damn thing inside the mountain." Turning back to the bridge, he called out for help, "Kick the damn spool into gear! When I let go, I don't want any slack."

Misato frowned, "Let go?"

Several things happened at once: Asuka reached the tunnel, now partially flooded with extruded magma; the Angel broke free of its confines, tearing through both enclosure and sac as it rapidly transformed into the oddly-limbed piscine terror Shinji recalled half-glimpsing; the machine intended to feed and retract Unit-02's lifeline spun into its highest gear, rapidly consuming the slack that Shinji had created; Misato's heart clenched as Unit-01 released its hold on the cable and dashed into the tunnel at full speed.

Disbelief and fear combined as one in her song as its flames scalded him in his seat, " _What are you doing_?!"

Ignoring his commanding officer for the moment, Shinji focused solely on his wingman, "Two, once you're free I want you to move halfway up the trench and tear off the D-type equipment."

"I assume you have a plan," Asuka was keeping half of her attention on the rapidly gaining form of the Eighth Angel, as there was only so much she could do to assist in pulling free of the enormous force of the lava.

"Kind of," digging his hand into the side of the cavern, he stopped at a point a scarce hundred meters from the inferno below. "More of a physics experiment." _Please work._ "Science, I want you to prepare to funnel all of the coolant pressure into a single pipe on my signal."

Asuka's head peaked out of the glowing flames first, followed by her hands, "I'm…close…." She began to pull free, then shuddered violently, "Scheisse! It's…on my leg," growling she flipped on her back and kicked at it with her other foot, "get…off!" Her progress began to reverse, her shoulders once more consumed by the molten stone.

"Asuka!" Wrapping his arm around the umbilical, Shinji dug his feet in and pulled. _I don't know if you're listening,_ he called out to the Spirit of Water, _but I need a hand. Please…._

 _Concentrate, Lover,_ Nyx's body pressed harder against him. _Use your song, your strength will listen to you if you sing._

 _Sing. Ok, I'll sing._ Taking in a deep breath, he could taste the horrible air surrounding Unit-01. The heat, the grit, the impurities, it was as if he'd swallowed the most disgusting glass of water imaginable. What he exhaled, however, was unrecognizable by human ears. The restraints on the jaw of the purple titan shattered to pieces, the beast and its master calling forth a song older than life on Earth itself. The tunnel trembled, several fissures loosing debris upon them as the pressure wave flowed outwards.

Within Shinji, the ancient soul roused from its fitful slumber. Amplified by the connection he shared with his Eva, the Lord of Music summoned the Spirit of Water to lend him its unyielding strength. Digging in his heels with each step backwards, Shinji hauled the weight of Unit-02, Sandalphon, and the earth around them back up the tunnel, "You." He let go with one hand, punching it into the wall further above him to serve as an anchor, "Are not." His head began to ache at the strain, "Taking her!"

With her arm once more in open air, Asuka was free to engage more actively in her own ascent. Grasping at the wall of the cavern, she clenched her jaw and climbed, "Keep, hnggg, pulling." A raw, feral look crossed her eyes, "Once…I'm free, aaaarrrrr, I'll eject the lower half of the suit."

"Negative, Asuka," Misato felt useless. No tactical prowess could change the fact that her only assets were now playing tug-of-war and barely holding their own. "That close, you'll suffer severe burns. Try and climb higher before ejecting."

 _I need more._ Another inhaled lung full of death, and Shinji unleashed another call for help. His human body shuddered, convulsing as it struggled against the competing demands. The Angelic side of him wished to expand outwards, to consume the LCL surrounding him. Those parts of him that were no longer of humanity could sense the power that rested tantalizingly close to him, and wished to become one with it.

 _Keep going, My Love,_ Nyx urged him. _You are so close!_

Shinji, through Unit-01, leaned into the pulling motion and screamed their defiance at the hated enemy. Endless eons of remembered misery were channeled through their Spirit, layering his soul around the cable down towards the woman he wished freed from the vile clutches of torment. With a series of sickening pops, he felt his body begin to break down with the strain of uncounted tons of ballast on the end of his line.

When her torso came free of its prison, Asuka made her own judgment call. Striking the key sequence, she disconnected the lower half of the D-type equipment, "If you want it that badly, _have it!_ " Pain lashed at her from the heat exposure, and she felt her LCL begin to boil from even the brief delay between release and ascent. Tearing off the arm coverings she crawled rapidly away, not wanting to risk being captured again. With Shinji pulling, she was up at his side in a heartbeat, "I'm here! What's the play?"

"Kn-knife," his throat hurt. His arms were almost completely dead, and only friction kept him from sliding down into the lava below. "Take, knife." Willing his progressive knife to deploy, he tilted it towards his wingman, "Cut your third tube open." Closing his eyes, ignoring the pain, he spat out his orders, "Science. Shut off the flow to the tube she cuts."

Misato saw his vitals, and didn't need more than her little amount of medical training to know he was pushing his limits, "Shinji, you need to pull back."

His glare could have frozen the lava, given physical force, "I need to kill this _fucking_ Angel, Mother." Flexing his muscles, he forced his limbs to respond, "It's coming. Ok." He could see the beast pulling itself free, a ringed mouth crying unintelligible sounds, "I'll grab it. You shove that pipe down it's throat."

"Thermal contraction!" Asuka nodded, tracking what he'd intended, "We'll crack this bastard from the inside out." Flipping his knife around, she handed it back to him as the Angel began its own ascent, "I saw that orb thing, just under the eye on its side. You dig at that, it'll give me a clear shot at its mouth."

Shinji grimaced in pain, "Rog-"

Moving far faster than it seemed capable of out of the lava, Sandalphon blitzed the two Evas and nearly latched onto Unit-02 again. Shinji's anger, unfortunately for the infant, provided him the burst of speed needed to tackle the beast and force it to contend with him first. Tumbling about in the cramped quarters was an ugly business for both, the momentum from the Angel's rapid ascent setting them tangling in Shinji's power cable and each other's limbs.

Whereas contact with many of the other Angels, even close proximity, had brought about words and concepts, or even music, this time there was nothing but frustrated crying. He could tell that the unholy terror was confused, angry, suffering in its own way. A brief pity was smothered before it could gain steam as he remembered that it was either this creature, or every living being on the planet. _An ant. That's all you are._

With one tentacle-like appendage wrapped around Unit-01's torso, and the other struggling to free itself from an equally massive purple hand, the Angel couldn't do much to prevent Shinji's assault on its glowing red weak point. Its mouth gaping open provided the entry needed for Unit-02, which shoved the coolant hose inside.

Asuka grabbed at the hand constricting Shinji's chest using her other hand to shove the tube further inside the Angel, "Crank it up, Major!" Shifting her grip again as the coolant pressure spiked tremendously, she gave up on freeing Unit-01 and focused on drowning the enemy in synthetic chemicals.

Physics, that most undeniable set of laws, finally took hold. Unimaginably high internal temperatures met manmade liquids designed to rapidly leech away that heat. With its A.T. Field compromised and catastrophic thermal contraction occurring, its body soon followed. Repeated knife blows gave rise to that one, essential, crack and soon the vibrating melee weapon was buried hilt-deep inside of it. However, with its dying breath the Angel would not go alone into the deep. Wrapping both its limbs around the one with which it wrestled, Sandalphon attempted to roll itself and Shinji into the lava below.

Tripped up by the uncoiling umbilical, Asuka missed her attempt at grabbing onto Shinji's shoulder as she became too entangled to move beyond the spot she occupied, "Nein! Verdammt, nein!"

Approaching the inferno below, he braced himself for pain. Once the Angel hit the lava, Shinji knew he'd be able to free himself eventually. Without an A.T. Field pushing downwards, they'd rest atop the molten rock and burn together. It would hurt, it would scar, and he'd have to…. With a frown, he realized he wasn't moving anymore. Looking up, he saw Asuka holding onto his power cable, the image in his mind one of her panting in the heat of her own entry plug. Grimacing out a grin of pure agony, he happily gave the praise he could in the moment, "Good…hnnn, good catch."

"Can't…ugh, can't let you have all the heroics," her smile was also full of pain and promise, "the Scarlet Sentinel has to earn her pay somehow." Hauling him up as the Angel went limp, she smirked in commiseration, "Shake him off, Shinji. Let's go home. I want a bath. I want dinner." She laughed mirthlessly, "I want a hug from my friend."

+++++ Author's Notes

Martial Arts Master: RE: Kelly Chambers.

She is, in fact, an homage to Mass Effect. It's a shame they never made a third one. (No, put your hand down. They never made a third one. Certainly not one that felt like they completely abandoned the fantastic story of the first entry and the compelling storyline of the second. Andromeda is a galaxy that will eventually collide with the Milky Way. There is no game named after it, either.)


	62. Chapter 62

+++++ 8th Angel + 0: Saturday (51)

Limping with the support of Unit-02, Shinji set himself where the engineers requested. "Can…I have a second to focus," he winced as his throat protested speaking. "Hurt." Locking his limbs in position, he let his head hang, mentally tabulating the various injuries he'd gained attempting the improbable.

"Hold the connection," Asuka ordered, looking to Maya. "Slide the plug out enough that I can get in the hatch, I'll hold him steady as he disconnects." Turning back to face Shinji, worry covered her features, "Just hold steady, ok? I'll sit with you and stop you from hurting yourself flailing when the vertigo kicks in."

"No," Maya shook her head. "The feedback sensation is bad enough with a single pilot, adding another brainwave in while still connected could cause him to suffer a seizure." Frowning as Asuka's link was terminated from within Unit-02, she looked back to the man she loved, "Just take calm, deep, breaths. Try to focus on relaxing, Shinji."

 _It isn't wise,_ Nyx whispered. _While you are joined, she risks being pulled into your soul's grace if she invades. You would survive the encounter, she might not. At least not intact._ As she caressed his throat, he felt her lips against his. Sliding her tongue into his mouth, she hummed happily, _You were wonderful, My Love. I haven't felt such authority in,_ there was a sultry giggle to her words, _far longer than a lady should admit to having lived._

An attempt was made to push Nyx away, his hands meeting no resistance and instead making him look more ridiculous on the cameras. _Please, stop. I'm engaged._

 _You were mine first, Lover,_ Nyx warned quickly. _I let her play with you outside of your 'work', inside of this form we belong to each other._ Her knee slid up his thigh, _But I will abide by your request…for now._

"Shinji, your ratio's climbing. We need to kill the connection soon," Maya's song conveyed her concern.

"Cut it," he coughed out. A mere second later, he felt the connection between man and machine terminate. It was glorious agony, his skin crawling as it attempted to once more contain the enormity of his presence in the physical shell he walked about in. Whimpering as his body demanded that he cease this insanity, he fought back the nausea and dizziness as his plug slid free.

"Asuka," Maya's voice sounded through his wrist, "what are you doing?! Those codes are only intended for emergency use."

"Hang on, Shinji." A splash above him, and the slowly lowering LCL demonstrated the answer to his housemate's question. A damp crop of auburn, a pair of bright blue eyes, and a voice finally unified behind a single concept, "I've got you." Laying her hands on either side of his head, covering his ears, she worked her fingers in slow circles, "Look at me," she smiled when his eyes twitched, eventually meeting hers, "there we go. I used to have really bad motion sickness in cars. One of the nurses taught me this trick."

The last of the LCL cleared his lungs, "Trick?"

"No, no," dropping one hand to his lips, she shook her head. "You sound like the lead singer of a band I like. That's not a compliment, by the way." Putting her hand back to his head, she continued the massage, "Focusing on something steady while someone stimulates the area behind your ears, here." Her fingers continued their work, "It reorients the head, adjusts it to the horizon around it."

"Asuka," Misato's voice came through the microphone, "we need to get him to the medical tent." Shinji could tell that his guardian was stepping lightly, though he couldn't determine why. "You can help him get there, but he needs to be evaluated for trauma. You both do."

Flicking her wrist, she disabled the speakers on the device attached to her plugsuit, then did the same to his. "They don't understand us, Shinji." Feverish flames climbed into her eyes, "The doctors, Frau Katsuragi, none of them. We fought. We _won_. They expect us to just walk away from this, just go to the doctor, then go home. Straight from combat to everyday life, like nothing bad happened." Shifting her hands from his head down to the sides of his neck, she kept up the massage, "It's ok for us to take time after a mission, isn't it?"

 _Combat high._ Shinji nodded, understanding that she was asking for help in the only way that she could. "Normal," to his own ears he sounded as bad, or worse, than he'd ever heard.

"Shhh," Asuka's smile was tender, "oh, mein Freund, you would think the LCL would stop you from blowing out your vocal chords shouting out that weird war cry, but here we are." The song flowing from her soul spoke of confusion, chaos, but the unity of purpose remained as she focused on him. "Hikari is going to be cross with me, letting you be hurt like this." Giggling girlishly, she shifted her attentions to his shoulders, "I saw her scowl once, you know. Wouldn't want that aimed my way, let me tell you. Someone commented on her sister having a crush on you while she was in bed, and I swear she about lit them on fire with her glare." Seeing Shinji wince, she mistakenly believed she understood the reason why, "It's normal, Shinji. Little girls have crushes on young men, there's nothing wrong with Nozomi having a bit of a thing for you. She'll grow to understand that nothing could ever come of it."

Closing his eyes, Shinji wished that Asuka could hear his thoughts for one brief irrational moment. That, if nothing else, he could speak without doing further damage to his body. The lack of sensory feedback was becoming a severe problem for him, as even though he was in tremendous pain at the moment from combat he knew it was only because of the horrifying feats of strength that he felt it at all. _I'm killing myself, and I don't know I'm doing it._

"Don't beat yourself up," Asuka whispered. "You attract them because of who you are. Be happy that it's you, and not someone who would abuse their innocence." Her tone darkened, "Who would destroy their youth." He felt her grip tighten, "People like that deserve to-"

"Shinji?" Misato's voice sounded from just outside of the plug, her tone cautious, "How're we doing?"

"We're fine!" Asuka's voice returned to it's typical disharmony, "I've been showing him the trick I learned for car sickness. I think we can walk without tumbling, now." Smiling confidently, she turned to situate herself under his shoulder, "Just lean on me, Shinji. I'm tougher than I look, lots of weight lifting."

Despite not wanting to burden his wingman, Shinji had to admit that he was grateful for the help. The massage hadn't really done much, other than buy him time to adjust to being several orders of magnitude smaller again, and he still felt as if every time he moved he was tearing the muscles from his skeleton. Reaching the door, he noticed something that Asuka did not. He knew this, because if she had noticed it she likely would have become enraged.

Rina and Hina were in the fore, obscuring Asuka's field of view. Behind them, Misato stood with Akane. Both women were armed with stun guns, and from experience he could tell that the twin doctors were there to serve as both doctor and combatant. _They're afraid of Asuka?_ The looks he was receiving clearly indicated that he wasn't the threat, but the one under a threat. _Asuka couldn't hurt me if she tried. I feel like I just lifted Mount Asama, and she can barely move me unless I cooperate. What is going on?_

"He's heavier than he looks, Frau Doktor," Asuka warned Rina, blithely ignoring all of the tension in the group around them. "It'll take all three of us to get him into your evil lair."

"We've handled him before, Soryu-san," Hina's voice balanced professional and nurturing.

Rina mirrored her sister's tone, "He's used to cooperating with us. Why don't you brace the end of the gurney?"

Positioning herself to take over for Asuka, Hina nodded, "You're a little short to heft him into the bed. But you're the right size to make sure it doesn't roll on us."

At a subtle signal from Misato, the weapons were stowed out of sight, "I'll help, Asuka. It's best to let them position him, they have far too much experience with Shinji. We can't seem to keep him from pulling insane stunts." The last bit was stated with a raised eyebrow that clearly meant he wasn't entirely without her ire for the moment.

"Saved Asuka," he croaked out. "Worth pain. She saved me worse, afterwards."

His words had a near-magical effect on the redhead as she moved to perform the task she'd been given. He saw her frustrations at being pushed away, even though she agreed with the logic, melt to nothing. Filling her gaze, again, was the same fire and life she'd shown him before the battle, "We're not going to keep a tab, you." Smiling happily, she braced the bed with a grip of iron, "Real friends don't keep score."

+++++ 8th Angel + 0: Saturday (51)

"It appears our friend has been busy," Kozo glared at the contents of the package recovered from the woods surrounding the recent engagement. "We must do our utmost to cordon off the city," he looked to General Benoit, "recreate Old Berlin if we must, we cannot allow him to make good on this threat."

Philip sat, pondering the possible meaning behind the strange calling card attached to the note addressed to Shinji. "A clear glass perfume bottle, filled with tiny sea shells. A cork made from wood bark that the MAGI can't identify. The ribbon is woven with hair." With a slight tilt of his head, he frowned, "This is something I would expect of a stalker, or a jilted lover. All of the details fail to add up in aggregate, a series of messages instead of a unified presentation."

"The note itself is enough evidence of that," the Commander snorted. "No stable person would write something so…disturbed."

"One by one, the boundaries between us will fall," the elder officer quoted. "Her presence will not keep us from our union." Standing, he shook his head, "We need more information. The pieces must have meaning, the materials had to have been difficult to acquire. Not to mention sneaking an anti-air missile system into the country. I need to head to my meeting with-" Frowning as his phone beeped, he pulled out the device and thumbed the screen to display the text, "Oh… _merde_." His eyes narrowed, a scowl becoming wrathful.

"Philip, let's not engage in melodrama," Kozo snapped irritably. "We have enough actual drama around as it is."

"The DNA on the hair came back with a match," turning his phone back off, General Benoit strode towards the door. "Sayako Kaji, Agent Ryoji Kaji's sister. Her body was delivered to the UN office in Berlin yesterday." Stopping at the door, he grimaced, "The word 'Failure' was carved meticulously onto every bit of her skin, every language imaginable…and the few we haven't identified we can only assume carry the same meaning." Regaining his momentum, he left the Commander of NERV-Tokyo to ponder the newest grisly clue alone.

+++++ 8th Angel + 0: Saturday (51)

Shinji sat in the darkened quiet of the medical tent, completely nude as Rina felt along his limbs with a delicate touch.

"Tearing along the semimembranosus, right side," to hear her speak she could have been reading out a shopping list. To see her speak, however, he felt his heart grow heavy with the sorrow in her eyes. "Significant bruising around the gracilis, right side. Possible tear, the flexion feels appropriate though." Easing his leg down, she apologized politely, "I must check, Shinji-sama. I am sorry."

Closing his eyes and letting his head fall back, he felt her fingers dance along a section of flesh that had begun to see extensive use of late. Keeping his voice tuned low at their request, he tried to comfort the woman attempting to comfort him, "It's ok. I have to assume that Hikari-san wants children at some point, best to be cautious rather than risk things."

"It is good that you understand, Shinji-sama," Hina smoothed her hand along his shoulder. "Temple-san insisted that we be here, should Asuka-chan become injured, but she didn't want to leave us short-staffed on base by sending Kaz-kun or Green-kun for you."

Looking over to the note-taking twin, he smiled softly, "I…prefer you two." With a shrug, he regarded Rina as she finished her examination of his nethers, "You both understand that I hate attention, and you tease me with it to help me cope with my issues. You try to help me get better, in all the ways I'm not."

"Shinji-sama is wise," Rina's smile was grateful. "He will make a wonderful husband."

"Hikari-chan must be cautious," Hina finished her notes. "She will not easily out-fox you."

"There are some irregularities present, nothing immediately worrying considering the aggregate bruising but I believe another examination after some time has passed will be in order. You are differently formed than most men, and comparing you to others is always going to be dangerous." Rina turned to pick up a sponge and basin of water, "Let us clean you up one more time, then we'll get you dressed."

Hina set aside her tablet, "The LCL is far too clingy, almost as if it wishes to be absorbed by you. It's odd."

Professional hands performed their tasks, a thorough bath and as strenuous a shampooing as they could manage with what they had at hand. Shinji took it in good humor, pleased that everyone was alive, and even more happy that his pain was decreasing as the odd healing ability he'd gained began working on his injuries. Accepting their help in sitting up so they could focus on his back, he eyed the interior curtain as it opened slightly. The woman entering was one of very few he wouldn't have felt uncomfortable seeing him in the state he was in, "Maya."

"Oh, Shinji," clutching her tablet to her modest chest, she vibrated with the desire to approach and hug him tightly, "what have you done?"

"He won, Ibuki-san," Hina stated with a hint of warning, moving a blanket to cover over Shinji around his waist. "The price of victory is often steep, that today we paid no lives to secure it is a cause for celebration, not condemnation."

"He is forbidden from speaking overmuch," Rina patted his mouth with her sponge. "So any questions you have, you had better be able to glean the answers from a nod, a shake, or a shrug."

Pushing down on Rina's hand and the sponge it held, Shinji smiled reassuringly, "I'm feeling better, now. Just a little sore." His head shifted slightly as Hina jabbed him with her sponge, "I promise, Hina-san. I sound worse than I feel." Sitting upright, he took her hand as well, "Would you mind if we had a little privacy? Whatever it is, I'm sure Maya has a million better things to do than wait on me being pampered."

"After we dress you," the pair said as one. "And you agree to sit in the wheelchair."

Bowing his head in graceful acceptance of his defeat, he released their hands, "I trust my very talented doctors to know best."

"Flatterer," they both smacked him on the chest with their sponge, continuing their united speech. "Ibuki-san, please unpack his clothes. The loose ones, mind."

"It's too warm for the sweatshirt," he shook his head. "I'll just wear the tee." Nodding his approval of Maya's decisions as she offered his choices, he endured the last of his bath silently. Hina cleaned up as Rina toweled him off, taking gentle care of the bruises and other sensitive areas. Looking up at her as she stood on a stool and wrapped his hair up, he gave her a questioning glance when she was finished.

"A summer cold is terrible, and while your hair seems to regrow of its own accord it would be a shame to damage it by wringing it dry. I don't want to risk you coming down with a sickness and passing it to Hikari-chan," her raised eyebrow drove the final point home. Cooperating with her sister and Maya, she had him dressed in a relaxed outfit with only a few minor hiccups involving a poorly timed wince that was noticed by all three women.

Finally in the wheelchair and alone with a woman he had undeniably strong feelings for, Shinji let her fuss with his bag for a time, sensing her anxiety needed time to settle down. _I wanted some time with her anyway. Hopefully whatever she's worried about isn't too terrible._ Swallowing a sigh as he remembered pushing his conversations with Asuka back, he looked towards the tent's flap and wondered how the debriefing was going for her and Misato.

"You scared me," she began slowly, distracting him from his musing. "I…was scared." Turning to face him, she had set aside the tablet atop his bag, "Very, very scared." Drawing quickly closer, she placed one knee between his legs and leaned forward to haul him into a kiss. There was a hungry desperation to her actions, her hands twitching as she fought between pushing away and pulling herself atop him completely.

 _Why…._ Shinji tried to cradle her, his shoulders and right arm weaker than he let on, _Why is she so pleasant to hold like this?_ His physical form reacted to her actions, and shame slid around his mind as he admitted to himself that taking off his clothes again was climbing higher and higher on his list of things to do rather than discuss the situation they faced. His resolve wavered enough that he grabbed her around her slender waist, pulling her down atop his lap. _I need to focus…a little._ "Maya," he breathed into a gap in their oral exercises.

Her voice was far sexier than he remembered it ever being, "I know." Nuzzling the side of his head, she rolled her hips against him, "We need to talk…before…." Inhaling deeply, she felt something she desired pressing firmly upwards, "I…I need…."

"What do you mean he's taking a car back?!" Asuka's shrill cry of not-so-feminine anger directly outside of the medical tent broke the spell in Shinji's mind. "Why can't he just come with us on the VTOL?" The exterior flaps were thrown open, the inner flaps parting enough that he saw Asuka staring at someone outside instead of seeing what had been happening within.

Standing quickly, Shinji lifted Maya with him, setting her down on her feet before him and spinning her around to face the entrance. Certain protrusions were prominently displayed in his sweatpants, and using the shield he had available he prepared to protect everyone from fighting amongst each other. In a voice that brooked no dissent, he growled out an order to the woman he'd been happily engaged with a second ago, "Stand still. She doesn't like you, _at all_." Planting his hands on her shoulders, he stooped slightly as if she were helping him stretch, after tossing the damp towel away from his head.

The inner flap parted, revealing Misato and Asuka. The Colonel had a look about her as she stood behind Asuka that screamed, 'I tried to slow her down, sorry'. "How are we doing, Shinji?"

"Mobile," he coughed out. "Maya's helping me stretch out my calf, it cramped up all of a sudden."

"Dehydration," Asuka crossed her arms. "I thought I told you that you needed to drink more?"

"I don't know that there's enough water in the world to make up for being exposed to that kind of heat, Asuka," Misato stepped forward, taking control of the conversation. "I'm sorry, Shinji. But security protocols dictate that you ride home on the ground. You'll be riding with a security escort com-"

"Which is bullshit," Asuka glared at her Tactical Commander. "He needs to be home with his fiancée, not in a damn APC with your chief panic officer." Waving angrily in Maya's direction, she snorted, "At least let me go with him instead. If he needs a minder, I'm more than qualified. I've passed all of the Bundeswehr CLC tests, I'm probably better qualified than the grunts going with him if something happens."

"The decision has been made, Asuka." Misato took a calming breath, then looked to Shinji again, "I'm sending Maya with you to gain as much information as possible. Your debrief was trumped by medical necessity, and we need information about what happened to put together a report for the Commander. It will be just the two of you in the back, the combat driver and Akane-san will be up front of your rig, out of hearing behind a sealed interior door. Privacy so that you can express yourself freely, security, and we can get you home reasonably fast."

"Six hours isn't fast," Asuka's snarled retort finally pushed Misato far enough, the younger woman backing up a step as the Colonel suddenly loomed over her. "I-it isn't."

Misato's voice filled the tent with its deathly quiet, "You have just been through combat, so I've been a great deal more relaxed than I normally would have been. The decision has been made by your Commander, my boss, which makes him your boss' boss. You might remember him as the man who forgave you for nearly breaking your hand in a childish fit after your last engagement. Major Ibuki is a trained medical professional, capable of providing care for your Lead. Everyone here is someone who has experience, talent, and most importantly for you in this moment: patience. Your complaints have been registered, and they will now come to a screeching halt or so help me you will _walk_ home. Am I understood?"

"Misato," Shinji's gravelly voice added to his vie for peace, "Asuka is just very concerned about me. She made me a promise that she wouldn't let me be hurt, or bullied, and I think you can appreciate someone who takes their word seriously." Stepping forward he hugged Maya against him, pressing himself into the small of her back to stop her from continuing to distract him with touches. Looking to his wingman, he gave her his hope-filled smile, "Asuka, I trust Maya. She lives in my house for a reason. I would feel better knowing that you were headed home so that you could call Hikari and let her know that I'm safe, just delayed."

Turning to consider her ward, Misato's glance let him know that she knew what he was doing and tolerated it because she loved him, "I believe we're all on the same page now, _Paladin_. Once you're unsnarled, grab your gear and rally at the APC. Captain Yamadera will give you a pre-departure introduction and then you'll be on your way. Major Ibuki, I'm releasing him to you for the duration. Get him home, and if he gives you lip you have my permission to put him over your knee." Taking Asuka's upper arm, she pulled her away, "You, on the other hand, are coming to have a discussion with me." Moving back out of the tent with her German-Japanese-American associate squawking protests, Colonel Katsuragi was officially ten thousand percent done with the day.

There was a brief moment of blessed silence where Shinji simply enjoyed holding Maya close. There was no discussion needing to be had regarding relationships. No long conversation explaining what had happened in combat, or about the voices in his head. No fears, worries, anxieties. Nothing but a man holding a dear, dear friend if not a lover. Subconsciously, he pulled her tighter against him, savoring the calm. _I love her. Do I love her like Hikari? …I don't know that I love anyone like that. Do I have to? Is comparing the sun and moon,_ he winced slightly at the thought of the giant rock orbiting the planet, _is it fair to her?_

"Let's go." Pulling away, Maya grabbed his bag and turned to face him with an expression that he couldn't identify, "I want to get home. I want a bath. I want out of this damn uniform." Her shoulders twitched, "Now. Move."

The decision to simply go along with her, instead of questioning what might be wrong, was made easier by the knowledge that they'd be alone. Anything he needed to know would be simple to ask about once there was no more possibility of interruption. Holding the flap open, he offered her his elbow, "Then let's go."

Walking across the area with his security staff flanking him, surrounded by hundreds of personnel still performing tasks associated with tearing down the operation, Shinji had to stop from time to time to accept praise or wishes for a speedy recovery. It seemed that every engineer, technician, or support staff had their day brightened by him just inclining his shoulders politely and thanking them for their hard work. With Maya on his arm he kept his pace slow, to not force her to run to keep up, unknowingly making his actions seem much more in line with a commander making an inspection tour than a young man just trying to politely stay out of the way of the busy people around him.

Once he reached the row of armored vehicles, Shinji paused at the first uniformed person he found. "I'm terribly sorry, sir," he smiled, "I'm looking for a Captain Yamadera?"

The younger Marine eyed Shinji for a second, then looked to the security guards busily observing everything but the interaction, "Right this way, sir." Taking point, he called to one of his fellows over by the temporary fencing, "Were we expecting company? Says he's looking for the Captain."

"I've got him," a nearby sergeant waved the private off. "My apologies, Paladin. We hadn't anticipated you so quickly, Colonel Katsuragi said you'd need another thirty to get your legs back." Nodding to Maya, the man was polite without breaking battlefield protocol, "Ma'am."

"Sergeant," Maya smiled a return of the formalities. "Pilot Ikari is a lot stronger than even we give him credit for, at times."

The big Marine barked a laugh, "If half the stories around camp are true, I'd love to have seen the events firsthand." Looking over to Shinji, he gave a big grin, "By the by, thanks for taking care of my baby sister. She says you've been lending her a hand in class, making things make sense."

Looking to the man's nametag, the connection fell into place quickly for Shinji, "Ishimine-san? Oh, she doesn't need that much help, sir. She's incredibly talented, I think she just needs to trust herself more. She knows the material, she just worries at the problems until she convinces herself she's wrong."

"One," the sergeant paused the group outside of a small pavilion, "the sir is in there. I'm a sergeant, I work for a living. Two," he nodded in thanks, "I agree. That's why I was thanking you, because she says you gave her the same advice I've been giving her for a decade. You got it to stick. Captain," he terminated the conversation by way of introductions, "The Paladin's here."

"Ah, excellent." A man nearly the size of Toshiro turned around and quickly bowed in greeting, "A pleasure to meet you, Paladin. Major Ibuki," he offered her the same courtesy, "if you would both do me the honor of taking a seat? I'm waiting on word from logistics that they've topped us off. I have some bottled water, or field rats. It's not much, but if you're hungry?"

Helping Maya into a seat, Shinji waved off his own chair, "I'd rather stand for now, thank you. If I'm going to be sitting for six hours, I'd rather stretch now while I can." Spying the map on the table, he followed the planned route, frowning slightly, "That's an awful lot of 'x's, what do they mean?"

"Interdiction points," Captain Yamadera nodded. "We're always cautious, comes with the training. However, the areas we've marked here are places where an ambush would be very easy to set." Tapping several of the points, he looked up to Shinji, "That's why I wanted to talk to you before we left. Brief you on what I expect you to do if we're attacked and your carrier is disabled."

"It isn't likely, Shinji," Maya lightly massaged his knee, "but a little knowledge saves a world of hurt."

"Exactly," the uniformed officer nodded firmly. "We're riding light on your APC, because of security clearances. You'll be center, two ahead and two behind." Pulling out small coins, he showed the intended formation, "Running interference for us will be our road guards and their cohort." Another several coins made wedges in front and behind. "Smaller, lighter vehicles that will force people to pull over and let us pass. They'll be dancing around us, and you'll hear their sirens from time to time. Don't worry about the sirens, they're there to warn the civilians. What you need to worry about is explosions. You hear one of those? Gear up." Waving over one of his subordinates, he pointed to the expected attire, "Helmet, body armor, goggles, gasmask." Holding up one finger, he stressed the importance of his next words, "You do not open the outer hatch, period. There is an inner hatch that connects the driver's compartment to the rear. Your shadow, or my driver, are authorized. Nobody else touches the outer hatch."

Shinji nodded, "Yes, sir. What if there's a fire?"

"Use the extinguishers. There are seven of them," the Captain stated firmly. "That armor is there to protect you, and it can't do that if it's lying on the road instead of on the back of the APC, 'oorah?"

"No touching the door," Shinji nodded again. "Understood, sir."

"Good man," the Captain waved away his subordinate. "The Type One Seventeen Wheeled Armored Personnel Carrier is a mean old lady, and she'll get you where we're going so long as you don't handicap her. If you have questions, use the radio we give you to communicate with your shadow. She'll know how to pass the message along. If you need to use the head, I recommend doing that now, because once we're in motion we're staying that way until I have you safely inside the wire."

+++++ 8th Angel + 0: Saturday (51)

"Preliminary data," Kozo handed a stack of papers to his conversational partner. "Everything we have on the pilots, as well as what could be gathered from the monitors in place. You will have your analysis ready within six hours." Turning to leave he paused at a heavy sigh.

"I would be able to do more if you would allow me to work with even a dummy terminal." Shuffling through the top few papers, they snorted, "This isn't what was meant to happen."

"That future will not come to pass," the Commander stated plainly. "Everything has changed, _he_ has changed. His son is offering us a world free of competition. Free of the threat of extermination. We are all going to provide him with a world free of the manipulations of power-mad cabals of ancient relics."

"That's not what I meant, Professor, and you know it." Positioning one chart for easy viewing, they tapped the highest peak, "He's gone well beyond the safe limits, the safeguards inside of Unit-01 should be stopping him from breaching two-fifty. What is Ibuki doing? She's endangering his life, she's endangering his damn _soul_."

"She's following orders," Kozo shrugged, uncaring. "You don't need to know anything else right now, Doctor. You should spend your time more wisely than pestering me with questions you know won't receive answers."

Ritsuko Akagi glared daggers at her former comrade as he walked out of her prison cell, picking up her pen and beginning her work. "They call _me_ a monster. They won't tell me what I did, they won't let me see anyone, but they certainly don't mind shoving his slow-motion murder-suicide in my face. Bastards." A still-image of Shinji's human shell as he called out a song was displayed next to a graph of phase vectors. Tracing out the lines of his jaw, she recalled the smile he gave her with wistful remorse, "…Why do I feel horrible whenever I see you? Like I've failed you…."

+++++ 8th Angel + 0: Saturday (51)

"Ultimately, that's the long and short of it," Shinji shrugged, "I knew Asuka couldn't capture it, I prepared a plan to kill the Angel using what we had, and we succeeded as a team." He watched as Maya continued to shift around the cabin, pushing a probe into and around every nook and cranny she could find. Playing his part, he recounted the entire battle, the aftermath, and had run out of things he could talk about without giving away secrets. He had, however, reached the end of that particular train and was at a loss for what to talk about next, "I hope that Misato doesn't punish her, she isn't used to combat yet and she's really taken a liking to me. I don't blame her for being overprotective of the one friend she's managed to make."

"We're clear," Maya sat back with a groan, twisting at her waist to work the muscles loose. "Misato wasn't lying, the cabin's free of recording devices." Tossing the probe aside, she smiled knowingly to the man she loved, "She won't, don't worry. She's just establishing the hierarchy, and you know very well that Misato sits at the top of that particular pyramid. Soryu-san was pushing the line towards insubordination, and Misato couldn't allow her to do that."

Nodding his acceptance of that explanation, unable to deny that it made sense according to the leadership skills he was drawing from the people around him, Shinji made a motion for Maya to turn around, "Here, I'll massage your back out. I'm feeling a lot better, and you look like you're in pain." _I can use this to ease the conversation. Show her that I still care, even if we can't be…like that. I can do for her what I did for Misato…she never looked at me romantically, so it won't be more than friendly, right?_

"Are you sure?" She waited for him to urge her to turn around again, then shifted to sit sideways on the long bench, "Thank you…you know I'm supposed to be comforting you, right?"

"You are," Shinji chided. "You know you are." Shifting his hands under her shirt, he worked his massive thumbs in small circles around her spine, "I'm always happier, calmer, when I'm helping someone. I hate sitting there and watching someone else work. You know that, so don't beat yourself up." His intent was to slowly push outwards, starting with the most likely pain. Several long minutes passed, and while he wouldn't deny that his libido was greeting him, he felt he could control it. "Maya…we need to talk."

"We do," she agreed in a low murmur. Her entire bearing screamed relaxation, as if the problems outside of the cabin were melting away. "Do you want to go first, or shall I?"

"I'll go first." _My position is firm, and knowing what I'm thinking could make whatever she has to say easier on her._ "You know that Hikari and I…we're going to be married. To me that means that she'll always come first." He saw her nod slowly, avoiding disturbing his ministrations, taking his chance, he rushed through the bulk of his position without pausing for breath, "If, and I'm not going to put pressure on anyone, you, or Kodama, or anyone else that might some day fall in love with her, or I, if they can't accept that she wields a veto just as strong as mine…that it's either both of us or neither, then friends is all we can ever be."

Applying more pressure, having located a knot of muscle that just wouldn't relax, he frowned with the effort of balancing his enormous physical strength with the powerfully wonderful, yet delicate, being before him. "I…I love you, Maya. I love you well beyond the simple love of a friend. You make me happy, you fight for my well-being, you've taken wonderful care of the family that I've become part of." _Be honest_. "You're also…someone I could have easily seen myself marrying, had Hikari chosen Toji, or anyone but me. You're brilliant, you're giving, you're kind…you're so physically attractive it's hard not to think _those_ kinds of thoughts around you."

The tangle finally fell free, and he moved lower on her back, "Asuka…Nyx, they've both alluded to something. Something that concerns me, but not in the way that it might seem." Her hands began to squirm between her thighs, and he knew he had hit a spot she was enjoying attentions lavished upon, "Nyx, the voice that brought me here, says that she isn't responsible for your 'voice'. She says she doesn't know what is, but that she'll try and find out. She did…she did say the same thing that Asuka said, and…I'm stalling." Reaching forward, he pulled her backwards into his lap and hugged her close. "If you are hearing this voice…you might be unwell, Maya. It could be nothing like what's happening to me." With his arms wrapped around her, he shook his head, "I'm not saying it's your fault, just-"

"Just that I might be overworked, not sleeping well, not eating all day, drinking nothing but coffee, and my body is reacting by pushing my brain into overdrive," she leaned into the embrace. "It's certainly possible, Shinji. You could be in love with a madwoman waiting to happen."

"I'm not going to abandon you," he reassured her. "Lover, friend, somewhere in between…you will always have a place in my home, in my life." _She feels right. She feels like she belongs by my side._ "But only if you can accept that one, simple, rule. I will not accept someone who won't accept us both. Take the time you need, figure out your own heart, and I swear I'll accept whatever answer you give me." Kissing the top of her head, he smiled, "You are part of the reason I don't feel alone anymore, Maya. I owe you more than I'll ever be able to repay…but Asuka made a good point."

Maya sighed, despondent, "That your friend might be sliding towards gibbering insanity?"

"That friends don't keep ledgers of favors," he corrected with a light swat on her knee. "Maya, don't start thinking like…like I do. Like I used to. We'll make it through this, together." Hefting her easily, he turned her around so that she was astride his lap, "I won't send you away to some hospital where nobody cares about you. I won't lock you in a room and treat you like an embarrassment. I will do everything in my power to get you the help you need, whether this voice is internal or external." Running one thumb across her lips, he shook his head, "I won't let them take someone I love, Maya. Not without the kind of fight they'll never win."

+++++ 8th Angel + 0: Saturday (51)

"I'm afraid I don't know, General," Gendo spread his hands, an honest look of disbelief on his face. "I haven't heard of anyone involved with SEELE who specializes in that kind of torture. Certainly nobody with a penchant for perfume bottles and seashells. They're old men, and the people they hire to do their dirty deeds aren't the kind that would leave ample evidence to tie them back to anyone or anything. Not if they expected to survive long enough to cash the check."

Philip held his eyes for a second, then nodded his acceptance of the truth of Gendo's statement, "We are going to have to divert resources to tracking this person down. Driving Special Agent Kaji to suicide, torturing and killing his sister, directing at least one attempt on your son's life…."

"I will cooperate, as I have been, General," Gendo stated plainly. "It would be easier to cooperate, however, should you choose to share what it is that they discover. Redacted, of course, much as my own information has been. We each must protect our sources and methods, it is only right after all. Neither of us should operate in this kind of a vacuum." Sitting back, he gestured to the door, "Not once have I tried to escape, as easy as it would be. I'm content to operate within this gilded cage, and I've shown good faith. Let us not vacillate longer about this."

The General scowled, the recent reports weighing on him just as heavily as the history of Gendo Ikari's tenure as the most important person in Project E's food chain. "You are a devious, manipulative, scheming sociopath who would have eagerly led humanity to its doom just so that you alone could reunite with the woman you claim to have loved. You willingly aided the very people you now hunt when they supported your goals, however unknowingly. I trust you no further than I can throw you, Ikari." Looking away in disgust, whether of himself or the man before him only he knew, he growled, "I will have my agents include you in the investigation as appropriate."

"Always a pleasure to be recognized for my accomplishments." A dark smirk lifted one half of his mouth, "Now, let's find who's threatening my son."

+++++ 8th Angel + 0: Saturday (51)

Laying down on the bench seat, Maya curled atop his chest fast asleep in his embrace, Shinji let his mind wander through the various tasks that he likely had waiting for him upon his return. Maya's admission was exactly about what Shinji had expected, the woman terrified that she'd begun to descend into insanity, the knowledge of the voice not complete enough yet to say that it was from his past. She'd shared her fears, she'd even freely admitted that she wanted the relationship but worried that she'd never be seen as an equal.

 _The comment about Ritsuko-san,_ he thought pensively, _loving the idea of someone more than the reality…._ A crop of red hair came to mind, and he let a sad grin hang on his lips, _I could easily understand that._ _I have to admit, I was infatuated with her. She was so…alive, so powerful. She knew what she wanted, and she took it by any means necessary. Staying by her side as a servant, living off of reflected glories. I can't even explain my plan for after I abandoned her and Rei to fight alone, not to anyone who asks or even to myself. I just wanted out. I wanted everything to stop._

A small beep came from Maya's phone, and Shinji quickly grabbed it to prevent it from waking her up. Unlocking it without peering at the content of the message, he saw that it was from Misato. Starting a new conversation, he sent a simple reply, 'This is Shinji. She's finally asleep, I didn't read what you sent, can I help?' _Hopefully they've made it back safely. It's been a few hours._

The response was quick, 'Don't worry. If she's asleep, it's no big deal. Horakis have been notified, eager for your return. How are you holding up?'

Judging by the terse phrasing, he smiled as he realized that she hadn't stopped being the Sub-Commander even as she made time to be his guardian. _She's working, but still took time to contact us. I kind of miss her more and more every day._ 'Better. Maya and I had a heart-to-heart, shared some fears that had built up. We went over the engagement, she said she sent the data to you and the Commander.'

'Received that, thank you for being honest. It was a stupid plan from the start, and you two executed it as best as you could. Pear shaped, dynamic reaction, can't complain about the results.' A second message was hot on the heels of the previous, 'Hold fast. MSG RCVD FM CDR.'

 _Oh great_ , he grimaced. _Why do I get the feeling I'm not going home yet?_ Idly running his hand along Maya's back, he felt worse for the clearly fatigued Major than he did for himself. _She's overworked._ I'm _overworked, and she's doing way more than I am. There has to be a way I can help, or shield her from some of it. Cut down on her workload…something._ Maya's phone rang, and he was quick to spear the answer icon on the GUI, "This is Shinji answer-"

"It's me," Misato's voice cut into his greeting, "I need you to brace yourself."

 _Figures._ "Go ahead, Misato. I know this isn't your idea, and you know I'm not going to dig my feet in and act like a child." He felt Maya begin to stir, and clutched her close to stop her from rolling off accidentally, "Let's not waste time pretending we have a choice in the matter and do what we can to support each other through it."

"Have I ever mentioned how much I appreciate you?" Misato's laugh was tired, but still full of the love she had for him, "You're going to be giving an interview. Three selected news crews will be on site, the questions are all pre-vetted. Your job will be to reassure people that the enemy was defeated easily, that you look forward to school on Monday, that you're grateful for the support of the nation. The Commander's using this for something, he won't tell me what. Be you, Shinji. He said that specifically, that I was to order you to just be you."

The sponge bath was nice, but he still worried that he wasn't quite presentable, especially since his only outfit he had other than his 'gym clothes' was a loose-fitting pair of slacks and a cotton dress shirt, "Where? I'm not really dressed for professionalism, Misato."

"Hotel lobby, coordinates have been relayed to your team to take you there. Clothing for you and Maya will be waiting, and you'll have a chance to shower off before you sit down." Her voice became slightly quieter as she spoke away from her phone, "Yeah? Got it, thanks Lieutenant." Returning to her conversation with him, she sighed, "Lieutenant Chambers is setting everything in place, she just stopped by and confirmed that Hikari will be joining you there. Whatever the Commander's doing, I'm guessing it involves announcing your engagement. Hearts and minds. I'm still working on getting the questions, I'll pass them along when I can."

"Understood," he wasn't happy but he didn't want to take it out on the woman that had nothing to do with it.

"Give Maya a kiss for us, Shinji," Misato sighed. "I'll be in touch."

As the line went dead, he set the phone behind his head and saw Maya looking up at him with tired, curious, eyes. _She needs more rest. She needs help._ "Change of plans."

+++++ 8th Angel + 0: Saturday (51)

The driver, a very polite and well-mannered young woman, paused on her way to open the rear hatch on the APC to sit down and check that Shinji was ready to depart. To her eyes, he knew he must look like he was ready to murder whoever was on the outside, and he didn't begrudge her the caution she was displaying, "Sir, are you sure you want to do this? I'm sure I can convince the Captain to just order everyone to RTB and can-x this whole exercise."

"Thank you," Shinji shook his head, "but no. I have obligations. Responsibilities. Part of them is waiting for me out there, and I'm just…." He trailed off as he struggled to come up with a polite way to express the disdain he held for the entire idea and came up empty.

"Venting mentally so that you don't punch the first jackass in the throat that says something vapid or stupid?" She grinned, "Trust me sir, I feel you." Looking over to the hatch at a powerful knock, she groaned, "Ok. Let me open it and confirm, then you're up."

Shinji turned to Akane, who seemed just as ill-content as he was, then to Maya, who was the picture of serenity. He knew that she, no matter what happened, would do what she could to provide him with the strength to face his burdens. He knew that Akane was discontent because she took his security exceptionally seriously. _I also know that Hikari's out there, and I don't care who sees it I'm hugging her as tight as I can._ The thought of seeing her soon buoyed him, the thought of having Maya at his side bolstered him.

Captain Yamadera's body blocked most of the causeway, the big Marine officer looking about the cabin before his eyes settled on Shinji and he nodded, warrior to warrior, "Paladin."

"Captain," Shinji returned the gesture. Sensing an opportunity to make a friend, he grinned, "Two thousand Yen to whoever can 'accidentally' knock over more of the cameras and recording devices in the lobby?"

The man's eyes lit up bright with an eager playfulness, though to his credit the smile didn't touch his mouth, "That would be slightly illegal, Paladin. I can't gamble in uniform." Looking to Maya, he seemed to hesitate slightly before taking a chance, "Though if you left the money somewhere and it happened to be picked up by the victor…that's not technically gambling. Just bad fiduciary responsibility."

"The logic is sound," Maya nodded sagely. "Shinji does have a habit of leaving the odd bill around for others to find."

Sensing someone approaching, the mechanized infantry commander turned and resumed his professional bearing, waving Shinji out of the vehicle and moving to pretend to verify that his people were doing what they'd been told.

As he exited the APC, Shinji caught sight of Idunn and winced as his body informed him that it had been cramped into a small space for far too long with a series of cracks and pops that he heard but did not feel. The reaction prompted immediate concern from the redheaded agent, "Are you ok? Do I need to cancel this?"

Turning back to help Maya down to the ground, then offering Akane a hand, he smiled to his protector, "I'm fine. Just a little stiff after today." Able to see over everyone's head now, the unfamiliar perspective once more reminding him of his continued physical growth, he failed to catch sight of the woman he loved, "I'm surprised I'm not being rushed inside. Is the area safe?"

"Unless artillery is involved, you're fine," Idunn reassured him. "The plan was to let you be seen, slightly disheveled and tired. They're taking pictures of you from the lobby, setting the scene. You're down and out, then you're with Hikari and everything's right as rain. Propaganda."

"Still," Maya urged Shinji forward, "he has classwork that he's supposed to be working on tomorrow. Let's not dawdle." Taking her place at his side, though at a professional distance, she walked with a purpose and focused on her omnipresent tablet as they moved towards the building Shinji recognized easily as the same one he'd proposed to Hikari in.

The chaos created by a fleet of armored vehicles drew attention from the surrounding buildings, the people moving about their day, anyone and everyone seemed to pause what they were doing to watch Shinji walk the short distance from APC to building. The camera flashes from inside the lobby were little more than irritants, not distracting him from what Misato had asked him to do. _I'm going to be in papers, on TV…._ A slight motion caught his eye as he reached the door, and he looked over to see a young girl waving excitedly by the barricades.

 _Hearts and minds…._ Tapping Idunn on the shoulder, he whispered, "Hold." When she gave him a questioning look, he flicked his eyes to the little child, "Make someone's day?"

The redheaded woman's eyes softened as she noticed his target, then she nodded and hurried over to ask a quick question before guiding the young child and her mother over to where Shinji stood with Maya and Akane. As she approached, she was heard to be speaking in the 'talking to a child' tone that every person involved in security practices from time to time, "He saw you waving and wanted to meet you, young miss. It really isn't a bother."

"Not a bother at all," Shinji agreed warmly. "As it turns out," he crouched to a level that was closer to the child's, "you are just about the age of my fiancée's sister. Do you go to school with a Nozomi Horaki?" He felt the rush of air accompany a photographer rushing out to capture the scene, and noticed Lieutenant Chambers urging him to keep going.

The shy smile on the youth was a mixture of awe and enthusiastic giddiness, "Sh-she's my senpai! That's why I waved, because she talks about her nii-san all the time while helping me with reading, how you are super nice and you make her meals even though you're busy all the time and you have a bunch of really important responsibilities and you took care of Suzuhara-senpai when she got hurt and it wasn't your fault because her brother didn't take care of her the way that he should have!"

Shinji couldn't help but smile at the train-of-thought run-on sentence she'd just uttered at a hundred kilometers an hour, "Nozomi-chan is a big help around the house, don't let her trick you into thinking I do everything myself." Looking up to the child's mother, who was trying desperately to subtly preen herself for the cameras she hadn't expected to be faced with, he drew her into the conversation, "I bet you help your honored mother all the time, just like Nozomi-chan helps me. Isn't that right, ma'am?"

"Oh, yes," the woman's voice was a bit breathy, further evidence of her surprise, "my Yumi-chan just earlier today made her lunch all by herself."

"That's wonderful," Shinji took the child's hands, beaming happily. "I love cooking, Yumi-chan. What did you make?" Making a point to praise her choice, and then providing a small bit of advice, he kept the conversation up until he spied Kelly making the 'wrap it up' motion. "Well, Yumi-chan, I need to get going. Could I ask you to do me two huge favors?"

"Uh huh!" Trembling with excitement, she bounced on her toes, "I'd be super happy to help!"

"First, if you could help your school be a good place to learn, I'd really appreciate it. Listen to your sensei, offer to help your fellow students, give help to whoever might need it. I rely on my classmates too, they are a big help when I have to be out of the school to do my duty." Waiting for her eager nod to slow, he looked back up to her mother, "And two, take good care of your mother." He'd noticed that she wore no ring, had only enough food on her for herself and her child, and was dressed in clothes that clearly screamed 'wage slave', "She works exceedingly hard to take care of you. Love her and help her the way that I never got a chance to with my own mother, ok?" Standing tall, he bowed politely to the woman he hoped was a good person herself, "You have a wonderful daughter, ma'am. Her happiness speaks well of your parenting."

"One last picture, My Lord, if you think you have the time," Kelly bustled into the end of the conversation as if she wasn't the one who'd decided to end it. "I'd like to have one for you to send her, autographed, if that's all right with you?"

 _Bloody. Fucking. Titles._ Smiling despite his irritation at her mentioning his Barony, he moved to put his back to the hotel doors and urged the two women to join him, "Yumi-chan, if you would stand here to my left?" The young girl was quick to place herself where asked, "Yuko-san," he paused as he realized she'd never given him her name, covering over quickly by pretending she'd told him, "perhaps to her left?" _I'm getting bleed over from people I just met now?_

A cluster of pictures were taken, the photographer shifting his torso much as the student at his school had, and after showing the best of the bunch to Lieutenant Chambers he bowed and hustled back inside. The naval officer approached with a warm smile and a deft touch, "We will need your address to deliver the photograph, ma'am. If you'll follow me?"

Waving discretely to the small child as she followed her mother, Shinji turned to go back inside the hotel. Akane's wink was all the praise he'd ever need for what he'd done, but Maya's smile clearly indicated that he was in for a reward later if he'd allow it. The final acclaim was from Idunn, who leaned in to whisper, "Exemplary job, Shinji. That _lite barn_ will treasure what you just gave her. A casual photograph with the man everyone else will see only professionally."

Entering the building, the lobby was as he remembered; bustle and business, immaculate shine and a pleasing aroma. The perfect place to attempt to unwind, if that's what he was here to do. "It's easier to do with children," he admitted, his eyes sweeping the room cautiously. "They don't cover themselves with lies, they don't have deep secrets or hidden plots. A pat on the head, a bit of praise, and their world is full." He couldn't keep the sadness from his eyes as he followed Akane, "They don't get it often enough, in my opinion."

The rest of the trip to his temporary room was silent, everyone accepting the truth of Shinji's statement, especially in regard to his own childhood. The car only climbed a few floors before halting again, more of the agents Shinji was familiar with nodding in greeting as the doors opened. The room he was intended to enter was the most well-defended, and opening the door revealed all the reason he needed to regain his good cheer.

Hikari stood by a table with a middle-aged woman, his Italian caretakers casually radiating a lethal threat to the woman should she choose to irritate the love of the man they adored. When she heard the door open, his fiancée turned and smiled brightly, "Shinji, is everything ok? We were expecting you a few minutes ago, but they said you got held up?"

Maya answered for him, expecting that he'd claim it was nothing, "A young fan wanted a few minutes of his time. He shared some cooking tips and then took a picture with her. She's in the same school as Nozomi-chan, and will have some stories for her classmates after tonight, I assure you."

"Oh, wonderful," her eyes conveyed her understanding of why he'd done it, though her voice never betrayed the solace she'd offer him when they were finally alone. "We've been discussing ties, my love. Do you have a preference, or would you rather I choose?"

"I trust you more than me," he swept her up into a hug. "You know how I'd dress if left to my own devices. But I'll give it a shot."

Giggling happily, she wrapped her arms around his neck and whispered into his ear, "This is nonsense. I agree. Let's get it over with and get home to bed." Leaning back, she twitched one eyebrow flirtatiously to finish the eager offer she extended.

Shinji forced his blush to stay down, barely, "Why don't you take the shower first, Maya?" Setting his lover on her feet, he gestured towards the bathroom, "I'd rather not rush you." Leaning down, he urged Hikari to join her, "Help. She needs help." Standing tall, he approached the table, "Maybe you can lend me a hand here Paola-san? What do you think would match well with the shirt and my…hair? Eyes? What do ties match?"

The bushy-raven-haired agent smiled teasingly as she watched Hikari usher Maya off, "They are intended to match your fidanzata, Paladino. She wears the blue for your eyes, so you wear the blue for her." Flicking a finger towards the middle of the three, she shrugged, "Though I admit I don't know what message that sends culturally here. I am, after all, a _gaijin_." The last was stated with a hint of a frown at the woman who'd yet to be introduced.

 _If they don't trust her, I don't either._ "Well then," Shinji came around the table separating them to stand by his protector, "would you hang this on me properly? Let's make sure it fits right so when I'm out of the shower myself we can get this over with."

Idunn took his silent cry for help loud and clear, moving to escort the unwanted guest out of the room by her elbow, "Thank you for your assistance, Miss Morikawa. I believe we have it from here, and will present him when he feels ready. If you would be so kind as to let the reporters know he is likely to be another twenty or so minutes? Thank you." Politely, but firmly, ejecting the woman over her protests the tall redhead wasn't shy about using her height to force the issue and soon had the door closed. Turning back to Shinji, she asked more out of curiosity than concern, "Bad vibes from her?"

"Paola-san didn't like her," setting himself in a chair, he made himself available to have his noose applied. "I meant what I said, Idunn. I trust all of you with Hikari, who as you know is more important to me than anything else. If Paola-san trusted this woman, she wouldn't have been within striking distance of her at all times."

"Our Tesoro is wise," the other agent laughed. "He listens to le sue zie. That woman was asking questions, boss. Subtle, but leading. Whether she too is a reporter, or simply nosy, she was putting La Luce ill at ease."

"Write the report, Claudia," Idunn groaned. "These were all vetted by Fuyutsuki, and so if someone snuck through or isn't who they were presented to be I need everything in writing." Raking her fingers through her hair, she tensed and turned to the main door as it opened, not expecting anyone else.

Kelly walked in carefully, reading the room and frowning the obvious question.

Shinji performed his traditional role as peacemaker, wary of the potential for barriers building up between newcomers to an established hierarchy, "You have her address, Kelly-san?"

"The picture's already off to NERV's Repro Depot." Positioning herself where she wouldn't seem to be threatening anyone, she joined Shinji in reducing tensions. "I'll make sure that it gets to you to sign, as well as a copy for your own album, and we'll get it sent off to her with a nice card. Does that sound about like what you'd wanted?"

"It does," Shinji stopped from nodding, not wanting to complicate Paola's work. "I'd also appreciate it if we could send it through Nozomi-chan? I want to give her a chance to demonstrate her own leadership skills, as well as a chance to show off a bit for the other students. I need to do more to help her learn to live up to her potential, or Hikari's parents will never forgive me."

"Will do," pulling out her phone, she made several notes. "I'll coordinate through her detail, they tend to be a constant presence all day with her I've noticed. I doubt you want them looming over her as she earns schoolyard cred." Her eyes moved to Idunn, offering a chance to engage to the woman that had been performing some of the tasks she was now taking over, "Would that be permissible, Agent?"

"They hover mostly because they like the kids," Idunn nodded amicably. "I'm fine with you asking them to let her shine a little, they'll know what to do."

"Nice choice," Kelly smiled at the tie once Paola had it in place. "Matches your eyes, a bit somber. It demonstrates power, but adds a touch of vulnerability after your recent fight."

"Grazie," Paola tugged on Shinji's hair teasingly. "He trusts his aunts to dress him well."

"I have a number of them, now." Standing and easing the silk strand back over his head, Shinji set it down on the table, "Unlike the ties, I know where I picked them up." Gesturing loosely to the table he frowned, "These aren't mine. Who do I owe money to?"

"PR department budget," Kelly waved off the idea. "Miss Horaki showed what you had, we decided it didn't fit tonight's scenario, and I used my prerogative to give her new options. She wanted to wear the dress she's in, something about it being meaningful but she didn't go into detail."

Shinji demonstrated his memory for minute details regarding the women in his life yet again as Hikari exited the bathroom with a freshly cleaned and uniformed Major, "It was the dress she wore to help me clean Misato-san's apartment. I didn't think much of the choice at the time, everything she wears looks beautiful, but I think she was trying to send me a subtle signal that I completely missed because I was an idiot."

"You weren't an idiot," Hikari stayed attached to Maya. "You were overwhelmed. It happens to the best of us, and I refuse to judge anyone for not being at their best at all times. I've certainly made a mess of more than one situation." Leaning her head on Maya's temple, she grinned, "I seem to remember saying 'it's just a headache', after all."

"You should hurry on, Shinji," Idunn gently pushed him towards the bathroom. "You have classwork to catch up on tomorrow, and I don't want these vultures keeping you up late."

+++++ 8th Angel + 0: Saturday (51)

The couch Shinji was seated upon was too comfortable. It seemed custom-made to lull people into relaxing and letting something slip that they didn't want to. He understood the need for informality, as this was designed to humanize him after having just faced something terrifying. If they sat him up on a dais, it'd make him seem aloof, distant. They needed 'Shinji Ikari, Highschool Student', not 'Shinji Ikari, Stone Cold Killer'.

"That's dreadfully frightening," the hostess addressing him at the moment artfully gasped out. "You seem so calm, I would be scared to death if such a thing were to happen to me!" Leaning in, she appeared to hang on his every word, "But I clearly don't have the confidence you do to seize victory as you do, Lord Ikari."

 _Hate._ "It is easy to have confidence when I'm surrounded by the best talent available," Shinji held to his neutral expression. "Major Ibuki," he gestured to the woman he hoped would still try to be his girlfriend, "keeps us pilots in excellent shape. Her guidance has been essential to victory. It is not _my_ victory, ma'am. It is _our_ victory. Every person that supports me, supports their neighbors, they all have a hand in this war. Each of them deserves just as much, if not more, credit."

The false charm oozed off the woman as she turned to Hikari, "The stories that have built up around your romance, Miss Horaki, never seem to tell the full story. I've been told that there was some recent excitement involving you yourself?"

Hikari could tell that her health was what was being asked after, and instead guided the conversation back towards what she'd been briefed on, "Oh, you must mean when he asked me to marry him." Playing the 'charmed wife' card, she assumed the poise her aunt had taught her through years of proximity, "I truly had no idea he'd intended to ask me. With everything he has to worry about, I never imagined he'd be so eager to include anyone, especially me, in his life forever." Reaching over with both hands to take his left, she smiled brilliantly to him as she displayed the ring in the open, "It was such a magical night, he thought of every detail." Turning back to address the hostess with a charming tilt of her head, she pushed the final point home, "He even made me my favorite dinner with his own two hands! I'm so fortunate that he caught me when I fell off of the ladder, or I might never have been given the chance to know him so well."

Maya took her signal to shift the conversation towards its conclusion, "They are a perfect match. Number one and two in their class. Horaki-chan is her class' Representative, and he acts to support her when his duties allow. NERV couldn't have asked for a better young woman to catch his eye. Though, they do have classwork to accomplish in the morning followed by more training for Lord Ikari, so I'm afraid I must ask that we wrap this up soon."

"One more question, then," the elder host, a refined man of many years, held his hand out in appeal. "You often speak of others before you speak of yourself, Lord Ikari. I must admit, I am heartened to know that the youth of our nation have a man of good manners to look up to. Who would you say, other than your charming and talented fiancée, is someone that _you_ look up to?"

This wasn't a question on the list, and Shinji easily saw an entire field of pitfalls from answering it. Kelly hopped to her feet and went to speak up, but he waved her off, "No, it's a fair question. I look up, sir, to the father of my fiancée." Regarding the man with a knowing look, he kept his tone even, "Before his life was unfortunately cut short as he attempted to save a young child from a drunk driver, he spent every waking moment doing his best to provide for his own daughters. He worked long hours, and still had time every evening to read bedtime stories to his youngest. He met every obligation his employer asked of him, and still taught Hikari-san how to be an effective, capable, leader. Sacrificing his own wants, his own desires, he demonstrated to his eldest daughter the skills she's leaned upon since his passing to hold her family together." Clutching Hikari's hand tight, he smiled the first genuine smile of the interview, "If I were to become half the man Toshiro Horaki was in life, I would consider it my finest accomplishment."

"Thank you," the man nodded politely. "I'd say that's glowing praise, considering the source."

Turning off the camera and glaring at the cameraman, Kelly demonstrated the other side of her professionalism. "And that's everything. Thank you for stopping by and interviewing Lord Ikari, I look forward to previewing all of your segments before they air. Especially," she reached the point where she was standing between Shinji and the reporters, "since all of you have signed contracts that will land you in the darkest hole we can find should you ever try to pull another stunt like that."

"Merely trying to be a good journalist," the urbane gentleman stood with a shrug. "Even off script, it seems he is everything we see before us." Looking to Shinji, he inclined his head, "With your permission, I would like to emphasize your final statement in the segment we run on our network."

"That isn't my decision, sir," standing Shinji placed a hand on his EA's shoulder. "Lieutenant Chambers is far more capable than I am at deciding what is best to put out into the public and what isn't. I will not second guess the woman I hired to perform a duty I am not trained to do." Helping Hikari stand, he nodded to the three reporters, "I apologize for my haste, but Major Ibuki was correct. We have schoolwork to accomplish in the morning if we're to get anything done with the day, and much like how I trust Lieutenant Chambers with my public image, I trust the Major with my health. Please, be safe on your journey home." Without waiting for a response, he calmly guided Hikari from the room trusting that Maya would follow behind. As soon as they were out in the main lobby, the door closed behind them by Paola, he growled, "They were trying to get names. Even if he isn't targeting me, that man wanted someone else that he could target to find out more about me. Even if just journalistically."

"I love working for the smart ones," Claudia sing-songed. "Boss, would you like Paola and I to have a little…cuore a cuore with the man?"

"I already have Akane and Mikoto on it," Idunn shepherded them along. "They're going to be debriefing and investigating these reporters. You two are up for babysitting our favorites here." Pausing at the door, she smiled sadly, "I'd take you home myself Shinji, but now I have to go report to my boss that people didn't uphold their agreements and that I let you answer honestly because I trusted you to give a smart, safe, answer."

"Then I'm glad you don't seem angry," he let his fatigue show through his sad smile. "I have learned a great deal by being around you, Idunn. I promise, I don't mean to make your job as difficult as it is."

+++++ Author's Notes:

Origamishishou: RE: Universes colliding.

There are a few that nobody's noticed, though that doesn't shock me. I went for some fairly obscure character references from series I've read or watched at times. You are correct that there was a Halo reference in the fleet section, and that Suzuka is of Outlaw Star fame. The one I'm glad someone has now mentioned noticing was Tenchi Masaki blowing up the school lab to allow Shinji to go to the right school the first day. Would have been awkward had he shown up at middle school like he belonged, when he's a high schooler.

I admit I don't quite understand the 'This chapter number requires scissors' comment, but then again I'm not as fluent in English as I might seem.


	63. Chapter 63

+++++ 8th Angel + 1: Sunday (52)

For Shinji, sleep was a rare treat anymore. When he woke up from his latest opportunity, Hikari curled tightly into his right side, Maya loosely to his left, he was briefly startled. He had meant to lay down with them, as he had. Listen to them talk about their fears, as they had. He had then meant to go downstairs to the basement and punch his frustrations out until it was time to make everyone breakfast. He had, instead, been lulled off to sleep. His window gave no illumination, which meant that it was still rather early, a fact he confirmed by the clock on his phone sitting upon its charger.

 _It's three AM. Last I saw…eleven? I feel like I've slept for days…or minutes._ Disentangling himself from the beauty surrounding him, he covered them back over and crept quietly to his bathroom. Standing before the wall-covering mirror, he looked over his still unfamiliar physical shell, checking for the latest changes that inevitably followed a fight against the Angels. He was large, though not like the giant wrestler that Nozomi called 'Hurricane Yoshi'. There was no fat on his body, he knew this. Shinji was a physical marvel, and that he had done no work to earn that distinction bothered him greatly.

The bruising was mostly gone, the tears and fractures healed. Even his eye no longer had more than a vaguely diamond-shaped patch of paler skin and a mismatched stripe on his eyebrow from where the Seventh had nearly cut the orb out with its foot. _Suzuka hates it when I deny my own humanity…but this isn't human. I'm not human._ Flexing, as he'd seen the wrestlers do, he sighed at the strength he could bring to bear, _Will I ever stop growing? Am I doomed to be eighty meters tall and unable to fit in buildings?_

Slipping back through the bedroom, he grabbed a pair of sweatpants to wear before quietly exiting the room to the main hallway and beyond. The anger was gone, at least enough that exercise didn't seem like the answer for his ills. _May as well do my homework._ Locating his satchel, he was able to discern from the notes Hikari had left him what was needed. The answers to each question came simply, even to the material that he hadn't ever been present for. Ten minutes, at most, passed and he had filled out everything, confident that he knew the coursework by heart.

 _If I don't retain this…am I learning? Am I just absorbing the answers from the people around me? Will I only ever be as smart as the ones I surround myself with?_ Looking back at one section, he tried to study the way he once had. Calm consideration of the information, focused memorization, creating mnemonics to help him recall key facts. The effort lasted five minutes before he had to admit that it was impossible to learn the material more fully. _I can quote the damn book by heart!_ Slapping his notebook shut, he sagged against the back of the couch and covered his eyes over. _When does it stop?_

He could smell Kodama as she approached on silent feet, though it wasn't by any means unpleasant. The honey-scented embodiment of lust excited him, and his shame at that fact continued to lose ground in the war for control of his heart. "You should be in bed, Kodama. You need sleep, unlike me." Keeping his hands on his face, he switched his focus to maintaining control over his libido. _She's likely just wanting a drink, not that._

One knee placed beside his hip disproved that before the second took a matching position on the other side, "Hard to sleep when I can feel your frustrations, Baby." He had chosen not to wear a shirt, not out of any sense of vanity but simply because it would create less laundry. Feeling her thin negligee slide against his chest, he wasn't surprised when her lips met his briefly, "I noticed the lights come on in the hallway briefly, wanted to check on you."

 _I didn't turn on the lights._ "I wanted to try and study," _Keep your hands on your head. Keep your hands off your housemate._ "Turned out I already knew all of the lesson plan." _Hikari doesn't want you to do this._ Sliding his palms behind his head, he felt regret and desire mix painfully in his chest as he caught sight of seduction made flesh.

Rolling her hips against his lap, Kodama's smile offered everything he wanted, "That's because you're very intelligent, Baby." Grinding down against him, her eyes glowed with the embers of passion that simply awaited a spark from him, "Did you need some help with biology?" She took his hands with a grin and set them atop her chest, "I have some hands-on materials we could use to help you understand a few things."

 _Breasts are lovely things,_ Shinji's uncertainties about physical intimacy had thawed considerably, and the feel of the woman before him reminded him of the exceedingly pleasant things that were possible when you let go just a touch. He felt his body respond favorably, his earlier decision that he had to allow Kodama to be Kodama if she was to have a fair hearing pushing him onward. And so, he returned her smile as he shifted his grip to pull her against him, "Maybe I could use a refresher, after all." _You know Hikari's jealous. You know she doesn't want you to do this._

Lips enthusiastically met, her response markedly increasing as he slid his hands down to cup her bottom firmly. For each act he performed, each barrier he lowered, he was rewarded with a tenfold increase in affection, both physical and emotional. The preamble lasted an achingly long time, building like a wave at sea to crash against the walls of his reserve. Slipping his fingers between the strap of her thong and her flesh, he made to escalate everything to a point that he realized he badly wanted.

"I _knew_ you couldn't be trusted!" Asuka's shrill cry shattered his lustful yearning, "Pervert! You are just like my father! Just like _your_ father! Horrible, terrible, perverted idiot!"

Shinji's hands collided with his stomach as Kodama disappeared, the room around him darkening as the walls dissolved slowly into a greyish mass. Suddenly he wasn't in his home. He wasn't in his new body. He was, once again, a somewhat scrawny young male before an engine of chaos and anger. Landing on his ass as the couch winked out of existence, he struggled to find the words to ameliorate his wingman's anger. _Wingman?_ The concept seemed suddenly bizarre, _She's not my wingman. She's my master. I'm her slave. Slaves don't have partners. No. I need to apologize!_ "I-I'm s-s-sorry," his stammer flooded his brain as it devolved back to the default, "I-I-I j-just-"

"You 'just' what, idiot?" Stamping over, she kicked him, hard, "Just thought you could forget you belong to me?! Just thought that you deserved to touch someone like that pig Suzuhara would? That's all you are, then. A pig. A vile, perverted, idiot pig!" Kicking him again, she screamed, "I trusted you! I trusted you and you betrayed me like everyone else!"

"I'm s-sorry," he curled in on himself as she kicked him again and again, "I'm sorry!"

+++++ 8th Angel + 1: Sunday (52)

"Get it under him!" Maya struggled to lift her boyfriend's shoulders off of his futon enough that Kodama and Hikari could wedge Hikari's body pillow into place to stop him from rolling wildly. Letting go once it was in far enough, she moved away and hugged her friend, "It's ok. It's ok." Soothing her would-be paramour's hair, she shared a concerned look with the other medical professional present, both knowing that this was the worst part. The waiting was always the worst of it.

Setting aside her rage for later, Kodama kept her eyes on what Shinji was doing to look for chances that he might hurt himself somehow, "He has never had an episode this bad. They are expecting too much from him, Maya." Squeezing her sister's shoulder, she kept her tone steady, "We've got this, Hiki. He just needs to work it out, waking him up isn't a great idea…even if we knew how to."

Hikari's eyes were tear-stained, though her mouth was compressed into a hard line, "We will not be forced to sleep apart, Ko-Ko." Pulling her elder sister into the hug, she ignored the fact that her sibling was wearing nothing but a thong, "He is _mine_. Whatever demons are tormenting his mind, we will expel them. I share him with who I choose, and _nobody else._ "

All that needed saying had been said, and so they began their long vigil; listening to the man they loved whimper apologies for wrongs they couldn't believe him guilty of. Maya handed Kodama one of Shinji's shirts with a commiserating smile, Hikari sat as close to her fiancé as she was allowed. Even in his sleep, he still controlled his strength, though Maya and Kodama didn't want to put that to the test and have him wake up to her with a blackened eye.

Hours passed, and it was with pain-filled slowness that his terrors did lessen. By the time the sun hung low in the sky, the promise of a beautiful day shining down upon a land protected by the man suffering for the misdeeds of others, his whimpers ceased and his face went slack. His body returned to the sleep paralysis that nature intended, and his breathing evened out. Hikari was the first to climb into bed, curling back into his side and feeling his heartrate through his chest.

Maya took a more clinical route, checking his pulse in his ankle while Kodama took his wrist. Both women agreed that he was once more fully unconscious and steady before they joined Hikari in laying down. The eldest Horaki steered Maya behind Hikari, taking Shinji's left for herself, "We need to not make a big deal of this. He'll feel miserable if he felt we were upset."

"I agree," Hikari breathed. "It was just a bit of a nightmare. No big deal."

"Just…sharing love. All three of us cuddled around him because he was having a bad night," Maya reached over Hikari and smoothed her hand over Shinji's chest. "It happens."

Kodama took Maya's hand, laid her head on Shinji's chest, and winked, "We have his back, Maya. All three of us."

+++++ 8th Angel + 1: Sunday (52)

"That," not-Shinji sat down next to the greater part of himself in the once again rosy glow of Shinji's Domain, "cannot be allowed to continue." His voice was gentle even as he firmly took the situation in hand, "We can't live our lives in constant fear of the displeasure of a young woman that doesn't remember the past the way we do. You sense it as well as I do, she's not well. But 'not well' doesn't mean 'hair-trigger psychosis', and it certainly doesn't mean we are slaves to her will."

Shinji's breath was ragged, but his nerves were calming as the reality of Asuka's voice drifted towards the simple memory of the past. He knew his hands were shaking uncontrollably, and clasping them together did little to restore stability, so he let them rest on the floor by his feet and quiver as they would, "I-I-I…I c-can't t-tell her."

" _You_ don't have to," not-Shinji contended. "I'm positive you have a good idea who could, in our stead."

"B-b-but," swallowing, he fought his stammer, "it's m-my job."

"No." The fragment of Shinji reached over and patted his knee, "That is what you believe to be our role, and in the relationship you have allowed to linger it would be. That is not the duty of a leader. Search the skills around us, Shinji. You know we are near to three, _three!_ Also Misato, Idunn, Suzuka, each of these women is an eminently capable leader in their own right. Trust them, even if you don't trust yourself. If you must, look to what our Commander does, or General Benoit, or even Admiral Drake. A leader at any level knows this truth."

Shinji easily felt what his counterpart intended, the act of delegation central to the entire idea of leadership. _A good leader can't be everywhere, can't do everything. They have to trust those that work for them to do what's right when they're not present. I…I can do what a good leader would…._ "Isn't…isn't this something I should do myself, though?" That another path existed worked wonders to ease his mind, allowing him to debate with a clearer head, "I-it's my relationship."

"It's their relationship too," not-Shinji offered with a shrug. "You aren't the only person in the agreement, nor are we the best suited for the task." Grinning, he played a powerful card, "Do we understand women?"

Shinji laughed, a bit manic-sounding, "Oh spirits, no! I barely have a grasp on myself, let alone other guys. W-what was it Kaji-san said? A river divides men and women, deeper than the ocean itself?"

"Perhaps a bit cynical," not-Shinji nodded, "but it's a good place to start from. Accepting what we don't understand, perhaps even what we fear because we don't understand it, allows us to know that we have a duty to remedy that ignorance. We can't seek out knowledge of what we don't know that we don't know, right?"

Admitting his fear, finally, he looked nervously to his younger self, "It…isn't a coward's way out?"

"If we came from a typical household, with typical roles demonstrated well for us to grow to emulate? It might be." Not-Shinji scooted closer to Shinji's side, placing his arm around his back with a comforting smile, "We didn't, though, did we? Compounding our ignorance of how to truly relate to everyone is the fact that another version of her _did_ engage in a version of domestic abuse. A degree of caution can't be considered but simple wisdom, wouldn't you say?"

"M-maybe we're…not as stupid as I like to say we are," Shinji leaned into the embrace of his younger self. "This is hard."

"Maturation is," not-Shinji nodded affably, smiling as he hugged his other half solidly. "I remember, distantly, being a part of a presence larger than our Eva. I remember the pangs of separation, the sting of failure…though not much else." Laughing, he smiled, "I'm happier here. A part of something superior, not just larger, a chance to succeed at defending an entire species! We are capable of greatness, together." Leaning forward he looked up at the young man at his side, "We can succeed, save everyone as we desire, even embrace the love of a good woman, or women, as they will it."

"They…are very good women, who deserve more. Better." Shinji frowned as he realized what he'd said, "I…the truth?"

"They do deserve more," not-Shinji cautioned. "Can we give it to them?"

"Y-yes," nodding firmly Shinji looked down to his younger self. "I can give them more. Better."

"There we go," not-Shinji grinned. "Ceci n'est pas une pipe."

"Not a pipe," Shinji agreed. "Just a painting with more to say than you think at first glance."

+++++ 8th Angel + 1: Sunday (52)

His chest expanded dramatically with his first conscious breath, and the momentary panic of not being alone in bed subsided quickly, as it tended to of late. The configuration of bodies, however, had changed. Hikari was curled with her back to him, her shoulder tucked under his, and Maya gently holding her. Kodama, as usual when she slept in his bed, had clenched tightly to his side. The oddity was that she was wearing one of his shirts and in his bed with the other two at the same time.

 _Damn. That means it wasn't just a nightmare._ The familiar triage process kicked in, _If I leave Hikari and Maya alone, they have each other for now. When they wake up, it won't be alone. That means…good idea, I can take Kodama to the kitchen and explain to her the 'why'. I won't be breaking my word to Hikari, because…she really doesn't need to know those details._ Shimmying his body slightly, he freed his right arm. Placing his hand over Kodama's mouth to muffle any cry of surprise, he hefted her up and carried her from the room.

He made it a few steps before she startled awake, calming when she saw him mouth that it was ok. Once in the hall, and on her own two feet, she waited for him to close the door before turning him and looking into his eyes exploratively, "How are you feeling?"

"I'm…it's complicated," he gestured towards the kitchen. "Let's put some distance between us and them. I'll explain." Letting her take the lead, he did not fail to notice how she flicked her hip to send his shirt sliding down one shoulder to display a teasing view of her uncanny valley.

The familiar cry of _Pervert!_ in his mind bunched his shoulders, and caused an audible grunt of discomfort. Locking his jaw to stop from speaking to himself audibly, he mentally chastised that part of his psyche, _Knock that off! She is flirting with me. She's flirting with me of her own free will! It is not perverted if I look at someone who's flirting with me!_

When she reached the kitchen, Kodama went to pull out a stool at the center island, and was stopped short by Shinji reaching down and hefting her easily up. She soon found herself seated atop the island on a warm comfortable towel instead of the cool marble, "Oh. Well, thank you My Lrmph!" With her mouth suddenly engaged with his lips, her hands fluttered with her surprise before moving to feel probingly along his ribs.

 _There,_ Shinji mentally put his foot down. _I'm not beholden to you! I can…I can give love if I want to. I don't need your permission, just hers. …A-and Hikari's._ Pulling back, he forgot to school his face away from irritation, and caught himself as he frowned down at Kodama, who looked up at him in confusion, "S-sorry. It has to do with…uhm, I guess I had a bad nightmare, huh?"

"Not a big deal," she quickly reassured him. "They're a part of your history, and they're the 'bad' that we take with the 'fantastic'. You needed a cuddle-puddle, so we formed one. Probably would have thrown the Sprout in, if she wasn't up with Sakura-chan." With a flirty wiggle, she batted at his sides, "Besides, you seem to be ok. You're big and tough, we're not judging you for having horrible dreams."

"It…was about you." Taking a deep breath, he spared no detail about his dream-turned-terror. Her face gave him all the feedback he needed to continue; a slight blush when he described what she'd been wearing, a victorious grin as he accepted her proposition for 'remedial lessons', her hands stroked his flanks as he described what he'd been feeling as they lingered on the journey to the final boundary. When he hit Asuka's entrance, and her hands halted their motion, he knew she was doing far better at controlling her rage than she might have even two weeks prior.

"No." More admonishing herself than him, she resumed her petting, "She is not a factor. This is about your mind, and how you've been conditioned to act. So," with a deft touch, she set her fingers between the elastic of his pants and the flesh they covered, "tell me more about how you were going to take off my panties."

"Shinji?" Hikari's call from the direction of his room brought his actions to a halt.

The one part of him wanted to instinctively turn to face the woman he loved. The next part of him realized that he was already standing by a woman that loved him, and it would be thoughtless of him to abandon her entirely. _Better. I have to do better. How do I fix this? What's the right thing-_

Kodama, feeling a thrill up her spine that Shinji hadn't simply walked away, turned him around and hopped on his back. Pointing towards his room, she heeled his thighs like a horse, "Ya, mule. That-a-way!"

Scooping up her legs close to her rear, Shinji plodded along happily. Someone else had come up with a solution that didn't force him to put someone down just to raise someone else up, "That's _Lord_ Mule to you, missy." Hearing gales of laughter from behind him, he moved swiftly to where Hikari waited against their bedroom door, "I'm sorry. I woke up and wanted to…explain the basics of my nightmare."

"You," Kodama hopped off, patting his back, "go take a shower. We're going to have a girl talk, see if we can't come up with a solution to the basic problem." Checking Hikari's temperature, then her pupils, she smiled, "I think we can fix this. Like we fix everything around here. Teamwork."

+++++ 8th Angel + 1: Sunday (52)

It had been decided that Shinji would ask for a driving lesson while Hikari, Maya, and Kodama discussed how best to approach the ultimate cause of his night terrors. He figured the less he knew of their plan the better, for the moment. He'd given them the task, and he needed to trust them to act in his best interests. Halfway through his fifth J-turn, with Akane whooping with glee and Mikoto keeping up a constant string of instructions and directions, Shinji found himself unable to stop himself from doing something truly insane.

He was having fun.

Weaving the vehicle through the cone slalom, he heard Akane's phone ring and shifted into a lower gear to slow to a halt, only to kick it back into a higher gear when his instructor said to gun it, "Our windows are down," he altered the center of gravity of the vehicle to make the next turn, "I'm making the engine do very loud things," slipping into the sixth J-turn he worked all four limbs independently of each other, "the radio is kind of blaring, and she's on the phone, Mikoto. It's rude."

"When they're shooting at you, it's going to be loud too," Mikoto replied calmly. "Practice, Shinji."

Akane finally hit the answer button, "Yeah boss?" There was a pause and then she answered as if it was the most logical thing in the world, "Driver's training. You approved the syllabus yourself. It's not our fault he's a natural." With one hand on the 'passenger assist handle' and the other holding her phone to her ear, she shrugged, "Yes, it is. Page five." After the car stabilized for the next straightaway, she let go of the bar and made the 'yak, yak, yak' hand signal, earning a giggle from Shinji, "Paragraph eighteen point two point two, right there. 'All other emergency procedures as appropriate'. You signed the page, ma'am."

"To be fair, appropriate is a very nebulous word," Mikoto pointed over Shinji's shoulder to the cluster of vehicles. "Let's bring it in before the boss stands in the way and forces you to go around her."

"I'd hit the brakes, Mikoto," Shinji frowned.

The woman let her arm rest on his shoulder, "Rule number one?"

He quoted Akane, surrendering the point, "I do what my instructor tells me, as my instructor tells me to do it."

"You'd go around her," Mikoto patted his neck. "Now parallel park, and let's go see what fussy-britches needs."

Maneuvering the vehicle into position as if he'd been driving for decades, Shinji checked his mirrors and then looked to Akane for the 'OK' before turning off the engine, "So, am I in the lines?"

"Aces, Shinji," Akane grinned. "We'll have more practice as we can, but you definitely passed the beginner's course."

"All that time in a giant robot, probably gave you a leg up." Mikoto unbuckled herself and climbed out as Shinji did the same, "I can't wait to teach you how to ride a motorcycle."

"I'm…not so eager for that one," Shinji admitted. "I've seen the result of a crash on those, and I think losing limbs might put a damper on my ability to pilot Unit-01." Handing the keys to Akane with a bow, he smiled gratefully, "Thank you, Sen…Akane. I appreciate you both taking the time to…uhm," he looked at the approaching Idunn and lowered his voice, "help me have fun."

Mikoto stepped between Shinji and Idunn while Akane spun the keys and stood her ground. "Safe and effective, boss," the taller agent contended. "We've been out here for five hours, and he marched through the entire syllabus flawlessly. If you gave him a car and told me to judge him without seeing it was him driving? I'd say he's been behind the wheel for quite some time. He's just got a feel for machines, it's why he's a pilot and a Pilot."

The redhead wouldn't be denied her fury, "What if he rolled the car? That was reckless!"

"I couldn't, though," Shinji blinked. "I mean…sure, if the tire exploded, I hit a curb, had everyone on one side of the car, and someone sideswiped me all at the same time, but the center of gravity on this vehicle is far too low and the wheelbase is too spread out. There would be a greater chance of the engine spontaneously combusting due to poor maintenance than us flipping the sedan." Demonstrating with his hands, he showed the distribution of weight, "The two of them on the passenger's side, and me on the driver's, I'm still heavier than both of them put together. The reason we were doing the turns in the direction we were is because it reduced even that imbalance, and it gave me practice at straightening it out."

"So you admit you _could_ ," Idunn glowered at him.

"Not really," Shinji shrugged. "There aren't any curbs." Gesturing around at the smooth and level tarmac, he smiled, "We chose the airstrip for that reason."

"He really is a very attentive student," Akane stated brightly. "Even stopped calling me sensei when I threatened to Taser him."

"I hear those aren't pleasant," he admitted.

"It's a shocking experience," Mikoto coughed.

"I'm firing both of you," Idunn glared at her agents. "I'm going to do it."

"Please don't," Shinji pled his case, his voice becoming somber. "They…got me to calm down. I needed this, Idunn." Looking to his two protectors, he demonstrated his gratitude, "Thank you, again. I think I need to speak with Idunn alone, please."

"Not his fault," Mikoto stated as a final warning before walking off. Akane just raised an eyebrow at the redhead and shoved the keys in her pocket as she moved to join her partner.

Clasping his hands behind his back, he waited for the two agents to gain some distance before he spoke, "I had a night terror last night. About a very real concern, one that's been building for…some time. I terrified the household, and it forced me to realize that I've been doing nothing to improve myself but training on Eva. When was the last time that I…did this?" He gestured back to the car, "Just picked something up that didn't matter and spent part of my day being a seventeen year old idiot?" Letting his hand drop, he tilted his head, "You trust them. I trust them. I trust you. So why are you so upset that they trusted me?"

She held his gaze for a time, then sighed and looked off to the horizon, "Because if you died I'd never forgive myself." Starting off down the strip, she trusted him to follow, "Not because of Eva, or the Aliens, or any of the nonsense you're forced to deal with."

Shinji kept pace easily, his hands in his pockets and his eyes focused on the ground before them, "I don't think I _can_ die, Idunn. I've even contemplated shooting myself, testing the theory out."

"Please, _please_ , don't." She groaned, "Shinji, you are a child!"

He frowned, "This wasn't the most well-thought out plan, but I really don't think we were driving recklessly enough to be childish."

"No," gesturing along his body, she was more emphatic with the term, "I mean you are a child. You're seventeen, but you've been raised in a dark cave with nobody to teach you how to be a man. If I was given your profile, I'd have guessed you were thirteen, fourteen at most." She missed Shinji's wince in her annoyed hair flip, "Everyone around you is pushing you to rush towards adulthood. Piloting. Killing. Leadership. Public appearances. A royal title," she paused, "marriage."

"Hikari is-"

"A wonderful young lady. A woman, near to fully grown." She stepped in front of him and faced him with her arms spread out, "Marrying a child! Yes, you act mature, even far more mature than your age at times, but I can see every single one of your insecurities in everything you do Shinji. You need time, you need space. You need a chance to see everything that the world has to offer you before you just nail yourself down forever to a life you'll never be-"

"Ready for?" Shinji interrupted her with a snort. "You're right, I'll never be ready for this. For anything. I am a child. I'm also a soldier. I'm pretty sure they have a term for that, and it isn't flattering to anyone involved. I'm picking up responsibilities left and right, and I'm incredibly insecure. I also apparently have great ideas and an ability to make things better for everyone around me! I'm a walking contradiction. What do you want me to do, Idunn? Tell them 'No'? Not fight? Run around and pretend everything is normal except when I climb in Unit-01? Drift through life because I'm perpetually behind my peer group socially while being lightyears beyond them scholastically?"

Her voice was full of the pain she felt, "I want you to have a choice. I want you to face life knowing that you weren't bullied into things you weren't ready for. I don't want you to end up like-" Her phone ringing interrupted her train of thought, and she swore in an array of languages before picking it up, "Haraldson."

 _Do I naturally gather people who've been abused, or is it just something everyone's experienced?_ The realization that most of Idunn's vehemence stemmed from something that had happened in her own past brought his most stalwart protector into a new light. _She chose her job because she could protect people, a way to atone for a crime that wasn't her fault. If she could have saved me…I know she would have. So that means…it's my job to do what I can to help her see._

"Understood. Major?" She paused, "On your own head be it."

As soon as the phone call was terminated, Shinji embraced the now half-a-head shorter than him woman, "Thank you." He could feel her indecision, and when her arms wrapped around him he knew she wasn't happy that he'd chosen to continue onwards. "My life is destined to be full. With pain, with joy, with trials and good people who will fight for me without question. I wish I could follow the path you'd prefer, but we both know that I'm too far gone to take a different road. I love her, and right or wrong…I've given my word."

"You are the most frustrating man I've ever met, Shinji Ikari," Idunn sighed. "I'm including that reprobate I'm related to in that assessment, by the way." Patting his back, she stepped away and resumed her professional bearing, "I've been asked to bring you home. You'll have some dinner guests before long."

+++++ 8th Angel + 1: Sunday (52)

Shinji arrived at the only gate leading into his compound just as Suzuka reached the same destination on foot, as was her predilection. Tapping Akane's seat, he let his tone of command out, "Let me out here, I'll walk her up to the main house." The car slowed and Mikoto let him out with a glance that indicated he needed to stay out of trouble. "Thank you, again. I'd like to take some refresher classes some time, you know…keep the skills sharp."

She winked, then turned to face the willowy swordswoman, "Tag. You're it."

Suzuka inclined her head a fraction in recognition of the exchange, "He shall not suffer in my care, kunoichi. Be about your tasks." When Shinji stepped over to her and offered his elbow, her typical regal expression softened to a smile, "Why thank you, My Lord. It was something of a surprise to be invited to dinner."

"The pleasure is mine, My Lady," Shinji decided he would play along in the banter. "To be honest, until fifteen minutes ago, I didn't know I was hosting a dinner. I can only hope that I have enough in the pantry to make something decent, or that everyone is ok with takeout."

"Bah," she scoffed. "I've had your cooking more than enough to know you could make a feast of rice and lemons." Keeping their pace casual, she lowered her voice enough to ensure it didn't travel, "The redheaded waif, Soryu-chan? I am given to understand she has…some reservations about your living arrangements?"

"I think she might," he admitted quietly. "But, I'm trusting the ladies to handle this. They volunteered, I agreed, and I need to keep my hands off of what they're doing. I have to show them the trust they've earned."

"Then I shall not press you further," Suzuka smiled briefly. "I am truly happy to see you safe, Shinji. When the request came down from your doctors that we not allow you to engage in training today, we feared that you had worse than a few mild pains."

"I tore half of the muscles in my legs, back, and arms," he admitted with a shrug. "I sounded like I swallowed a ton of gravel, and still have an ache…somewhere private," he coughed. "Though…I would have trained happily today, I probably could have used it after the nightmare." Tossing his thumb over his shoulder, he smiled, "The driving lesson was a reasonable substitute, though. The things you can do in one of those is, I don't know, excitingly terrifying?"

"Despicable contraptions," Suzuka sniffed. "Always going where they will and not where I will them."

Pausing as he went to open the door, Shinji saw a chance to finally score a point on his friend, "Suzuka…can you not drive?" He affected a shocked expression, "I've just proven it's so easy a child can do it."

Stomping on his foot as she passed, she gave him a pointed look, "I will put you over my knee, young man."

"I might like it," he whispered to her back, earning the look he'd been going for as she spun around and goggled at him with her mouth slightly agape. Tapping her nose as he passed, he called out, "Honey, we're home!"

Stepping past him with a toss of her hair, Suzuka flounced into the main living area and announced, "Hikari-chan, your husband is being mean to me!"

"She started it," he rejoined, playing along with the banter. "Stepped on my foot!" As he entered the living area he saw that Hikari had a knowing smirk on her lips, Kodama was baffled, and Maya just kept working on her tablet. "All I said was that I was-" Suzuka's hand clapping over his mouth stopped him from continuing.

"Back from driving lessons," she warned him with a hitch of her eyebrow. "It is well known that I dislike vehicles and prefer my own two feet."

"I'll soothe your foot later, dear," Hikari stood and carefully crossed over to her aunt and embraced her briefly, then to her fiancée and pulled him down into a kiss. "Stop being mean to my aunt, or I'll put you over my knee."

"He might like it," Suzuka laughed as she walked over to Kodama to pull her other 'niece' into a hug.

"You seem in a good mood," his fiancée asked softly. "Did it go well?"

"There's something about sliding into a one eighty at a hundred and ten kilometers per hour that just…feels like I am about to die and yet I know I'll be fine. I think I understand Misato a bit better now." Hugging her tightly, he whispered, "I trust you. What am I doing for dinner?"

"Make what you want," she snuggled into his embrace. "Ko-Ko will help. I'm taking over, and she's surprisingly ok with it. I'm…going to be the Lady of the Manor after all."

"Not soon enough," squeezing her once more, he set her down. _She's jealous of Kodama. Why aren't you listening to me?_ "I'll make what I can. Are we expecting anyone else?"

"No. We wanted Suzuka-san here so that she could intervene if Asuka reacts poorly. It was a compromise so that Kodama would agree that you were present during all of this." Allowing him to walk her over to the couch, she held his eyes with an uplifted finger, "I know you want to be a part of this. You feel that this is your duty, and I want to support you in doing what you feel is right. Even if it isn't necessarily fully correct."

Holding her hands as she sat, he felt his heart overflow, "You know me far better than even I do, Hikari. Without saying a word, I can trust you to know what it is I would want. Thank you."

+++++ 8th Angel + 1: Sunday (52)

Dinner preparations were slower than normal, Kodama constantly requesting 'hands-on' instruction. Eventually she'd managed to convince Shinji to simply cleave to her back and work with her hands directly. Each time he darted away to turn or stir or flip something in a pan she'd press back against him to linger just that much longer. It was incredibly transparent, and the eldest living Horaki was patently amazed that he was allowing her to get away with something this brazen.

Shinji, for his part, was simply happy for the distraction. If he was left alone in the kitchen he'd be climbing the walls with worry. He wanted to scrap the whole plan, just let Asuka believe what she would. It wasn't that big of a deal, he'd handle it later. Each time, however, he was about to pull the cord he was distracted expertly. Kodama would caress the back of his leg with the top of her foot, or brush ever so gently against him with her posterior, a million and one subtle hints that the world would be as it must. _And what would Hikari say if she knew that she'd be doing this. I…need to do more to deserve them._

It was during an awkward looking stretch Kodama used to grasp for something that could have been reached with far fewer gymnastics that he finally took the matter in hand. Slipping both of his hands around her front, he firmly grasped what she'd been hinting that he had free rein to manipulate and stepped up against her, trapping her against the counter with his weight, "I get it. You don't need to beat me about the head and shoulders, Kodama."

"…Harder," she panted, her fingers twitching as she dropped the spices she'd picked up. "J-just a little…please?"

Lifting her torso up against him gently, he shook his head, "I don't know how hard is too hard. I…here." Freeing her, he walked over to a still closed can of olives. "Watch," he could feel her frustration, after having finally given in to what it was she'd been begging for he could be accused of teasing. Holding the can inside the sink, he squeezed enough that the can crumpled, bursting the contents out of the back of the can.

"Well…there goes that part of the salad," she sighed. "I know you're strong, Baby. You're also careful, you can trust me to tell you if you're being too rough."

Carefully setting the can down, Shinji grimaced, "What if I get…into it." Rinsing down the area he'd dirtied, he kept his gaze off of the temptation behind him, "Lose control because I get…uhm…."

"There won't be a 'because'," she laughed seductively, turning back to the food preparation. "There will be a 'when'. I plan on making you go blind, Shinji. My sister may be perfectly happy with romance and gentle affection," turning off the burner with a click she drew his attention and held his gaze as she pulled down her top enough to flash him, "I wanna fuck." Letting her collar snap back into place, she spun around the center island and hopped up to place her knees on the counter on either side of Shinji's hips, "I want to _feel_ it."

Knowing that his hands were now precisely where she wanted them, he once more admired the exercise regimen she managed daily to give her the posterior dimensions and firmness she shared with him so eagerly. "We're supposed to be making dinner." _Hikari, Shinji. PAY ATTENTION TO ME!_

A vulpine grin adorned her face as she wiggled slowly, "You could always put a bun in the oven?"

"The inference being that we would eventually eat our child," Shinji disagreed with a wry smirk. "I'm going to have to decline your proposal, and request that we burn the meeting notes to remove the evidence. Maybe shoot any witnesses to keep them from talking."

Kodama laughed happily, throwing her arms around his neck and kissing him warmly, "There we go, I knew you'd open up someday." Dropping down, she patted his stomach, "A good, strong sense of humor is essential in our family, Shinji." Walking away she let her smile turn wistful, "I doubt we'd have made it this far in our lives together if we didn't have one."

Shinji sat there pondering her earlier sentiment, turning the joke this way and that in his mind. "…Would you really be happy with that?"

Testing the chicken, Kodama turned back to look at him curiously as she sucked a bit of spice from her thumb, "With what?"

"Our first time, in a kitchen? Having a baby if we…well, I can only legally marry Hikari." Moving to finish up the salad, he kept his thoughts flowing, "What would you tell everyone when they asked where the father was? Would you be content to say that I was the father, knowing what public opinion would be about that? Ignoring my own…fame, such as it is, you aren't exactly unremarkable." Sliding everything together into the bowl, he began to mix it vigorously, "Beautiful, talented, a great career…and everyone viewing you as either a single mother or a side dish."

While her first inclination was to simply continue to play the joke off, she admitted that he wasn't avoiding the tough questions, and she should give him the same dignity. "I don't plan on keeping friends around who can't understand us, so that part is very simple. I know that any children I have, or Hikari has, will have all of the love you have to give. That's all that matters, in my mind. As to the first part of your question, well, I really don't care _where_ our first time is. That's never been a 'dream' I've had. Mine was always about who, not where or what." Plating the bread, she kept her tone calm as she shared her mind, "If I'm honest…I'd always thought my first time was going to suck."

"Why?" He frowned, "Kodama, I'm not joking, you could have been an idol. You can choose any man or woman you want. Either of you, all of you, only someone out of their mind would say 'no'." _Then be insane! You have to stop this!_

"Idols are human too, Baby." She grimaced, "I've read a lot of darker stories about that industry. A lot of beautiful, talented young men and women with a great career…earned their 'big break' on a ratty couch in a casting manager's office. Guys, girls, doesn't matter. Someone with power wants to prove they control the keys to the kingdom, and someone else gets a lifetime of shame and regret as a companion to their stardom." Flicking her hair out of her eyes, she sighed, "That's why I supposed mine would eventually suck. It's in all of the stories I read. I just figured if it sucked with the guy I loved…at least I would have love."

 _And a lifetime of shame and regret._ Balancing his anxieties and his desire to be honest, he chose a statement that wouldn't be misleading as it offered her his best wishes, "I hope that whenever it happens for you Kodama…it doesn't suck." _Mine certainly didn't. I really don't want to rub that in your face, especially considering who it was with. Especially since she doesn't want us to._

+++++ 8th Angel + 1: Sunday (52)

With dinner made, Shinji decided to apply his nervous energy somewhere other than harassing the four women in the house. With Nozomi enjoying an extra-long stay with Sakura, he had nothing to prevent him from setting up his cello and working on the piece that Kodama had found online. It was an odd arrangement that had been produced from the original song released by an odd band, intended for a trio of cellists and a drummer, but the more he flowed through the composition the more it spoke to him.

A slow build became an odd sort of spiral, starting ponderously as it funneled upwards into a rapid crescendo. Plucking was interspersed throughout, on one line, and he had to mentally add the other players to gain insight into the entirety of the work. _I wonder if there's a way to find an audio mixer. I could play each part, layer it together, then I'd be able to hear everything but the drums._ Pursing his lips as he neared the end of the piece, he thought through the list of people that might know how to play drums to add that too.

"Your fiancé is a man of many talents," Asuka's voice surprised him, the redheaded pilot standing just inside of his room wearing an open-backed emerald green sundress. "He can even play the cello in the dark, pretending he can read the sheet music. Is there anything he isn't good at, Hikari?"

Shinji looked over, seeing the love of his life leaned against the doorframe to 'their' bedroom watching him with a soft smile. Flicking on the light, she shrugged as she entered the room, "Saying 'No' isn't one of his strengths."

"That was impressive, Shinji," the redhead walked in and seemed to judge the room kindly. "If I heard it right, and I don't doubt I did, that was a cover of a song from Tool's last album before their front man died during the Post-Impact wars." Rolling her finger around at shoulder level she nodded, "I like the digs. Doesn't fit you at all, though."

"O-oh?" Shinji was surprised that she not only placed the piece, according to the coversheet that was currently blocked from view, but that she was as calm as she was about his new house.

"Well, I can't say that I know you _amazingly_ well…I just kind of imagined you living in a broom closet and calling it a castle." She shrugged fanning her hands dramatically, "You don't scream 'ostentation', though it makes sense that you'd want to provide your blushing bride with a house worthy of your opinion of her."

"I didn't have a choice." Moving to set down his instrument, he paused as his houseguest gently pushed him back down into his seat, "Is…something wrong?"

"Hikari, can I ask your husband to play me a song? I don't want to make you jealous, or feel like I'm making a move on your man." From what he picked up through her song, she was incredibly nervous…and it wasn't about what she was asking.

"He's your friend," his fiancée sat down on the chair she'd set aside for her own use in their room. "I can't feel jealous of one friend asking another friend for a simple favor. Not and expect him to ever take me seriously when I ask you to do me a favor someday."

"Great!" Pulling out her phone, she started typing into a search engine, "I'll find you some sheet music for 'Ode to Joy'. I haven't heard a cello version o…f…." Her voice trailed off as Shinji began to play the piece without any hesitation. Slowly lowering her hands, she smiled brightly and closed her eyes, rocking back and forth in time with the music.

As he always did, Shinji played with his eyes closed for a song that he had memorized. This left Hikari to watch two very different emotional states play out before her. Asuka seemed to take genuine delight in hearing the piece, though her mind was closed to the Class Representative as to the 'why'. It seemed to calm the nervous energy she had, exchanging it instead for her typical fiery passion about everything she saw and interacted with. Her husband-to-be, on the other hand, had the now familiar pained anger about him. Seeing him play reminded her well of why she never asked that he play for her anymore.

About three quarters through the song, Asuka opened her eyes to compliment him, spying his expression and gasping, "Shinji? What's…if you didn't want to you really didn't have to play for me." Waving her hands at chest level as he stopped mid note, she was just as confused by his sudden look of confusion as he was by her statement.

Both asked the same half-question at the same time, "What? No, no, you go…stop that!"

Asuka laughed, amused by Shinji's actions. When he blushed, looking down in embarrassment, she stepped over and pulled him into a hug, "No, no, mein liebster Freund, I think it's fantastic! You understand me so well, we just have that little spot in each other's mind reserved for our friendship." Laying her head atop his, she smiled at Hikari, "He is a darling man, Hikari. I told him at Mount Asama that I was so very glad you and he are an item, that he belongs to you. He needs someone like you, someone to stop him from being abused by horrible people."

"He is my everything," Hikari smiled amicably. "Though he is not mine alone."

The gentle affection he was receiving from his wingman created a spiral of conflicted emotions in him. Once more she was eagerly, aggressively, giving him something he'd all but begged to receive in his own timeline. Once again, her flames burned him, marking him with her very presence. Instead of the harshness, the caustic rage that she'd directed his way borne of her own pain and suffering, she was now begging him to feed the fires within her, accepting what he gave her without complaint or further demands. She was allowing him to give to her the strength she saw in him, so that she could save them both by amplifying its untethered might.

Timidly, he shifted an arm around her waist to one of the few spots that he felt was far enough away from any of the other spots he believed might send the wrong signal, "What was it you wanted to know, Asuka? I didn't mind playing for you…but you made it seem like I was angry?"

"It's something he doesn't know he does," Hikari stepped into the pause. "The man who raised him would beat him, for mistakes." Standing, she walked over and took the instrument and bow to place them safely away, "Not only in his playing, but in his schoolwork, his housework, his cooking, the spot of the floor that was his. Any demerit earned a beating." Turning back, she saw that she had created the impression she'd intended. Shinji was once more looking at the floor with a soulful frown, and Asuka appeared ready to travel in time herself to murder someone.

"That's who taught you." The fiery redhead's voice was tender, even if her face was a mask of steely wrath, "That's why you play like ein wahrer Meister. Oh… _verdammt_! I can't believe your father would send you to such a terrible place, Shinji. I truly can't. Even my own father wasn't that bad. He was distant, consumed with work, but he at least gilded the cage he shoved me inside of. The woman he cheated on my mother with was a better parent, no lie, than either of our fathers." Crushing his head to her chest, she sighed, "I'm sorry that I asked you to play, I won't in the future."

"N-no," shoving his metaphorical hand directly into the oven, he placed his hands on her hips and pushed her back to look at him, "I d-don't mind p-playing. I-I d-don't kn-know I'm…." Screwing his eyes shut, he put more effort into controlling his stammer. When he felt Hikari's hand caress the back of his neck, he smiled, relaxing that much more, "Sorry. N-nervous. It's hard t-to control, sometimes."

"We're a mess, aren't we?" Asuka laughed, pushing past the discomfort to try and once more assist the young man before her, "Never apologize to me for being weak, Shinji. I've seen you dash into a two on one fight to pull my ass out of the proverbial fire. I've seen you dive into an active volcano to pull my ass out of a _literal_ fire. I'm no idiot, I'm not going to think you're weak for having a verbal tic you can't always keep in line. You've got strength where it counts, and more."

"I don't mind playing," he started again slowly. "I don't know what my face is doing while I play, I'm not thinking about it. When I touch bow to strings, I'm not…there. I'm in a dark place, with nothing but the song itself. When I'm reading sheet music, it's different. I'm thinking of how the entire piece sounds, not just the cello. It's why I wasn't…doing whatever I do when I'm playing a song I know, when you walked in."

"Let's start dinner," Hikari offered, pleased with how the table was now set for Asuka to see the need for Shinji to be shared out amongst other loving people. "We only have a few hours tonight, since you and I have school in the morning."

"Such a joke," Asuka rolled her eyes. "Making you go to school like you weren't responsible for the fate of the world."

"It's not that bad," Shinji smiled, standing upright. "It just means I have nine and a half hours a day dedicated to sitting next to my fiancée."

+++++ Author's Note:

origamishishou: RE: idioms.

Nope, you're totally fine. I now know a new reference in English, and that's pretty neat.

Martial Arts Master: RE: Idunn and Raffle.

They are not. Idunn Haraldson and Noelle "Raffle" Minders are entirely original, and used to further plot points or explain backstory because I couldn't find suitable characters to shamelessly steal from other better authors. Also NGE has a pretty tight cast, so I couldn't use existing canon to fill the need either. I try not to overuse them, though I did lean on Noelle pretty hard on the _'Rainbow_. Misato was busy.

Also, my opinion? Watch Outlaw Star. It's a fun show.

SK: RE: Stories.

Have I really written enough to fill forty hours? Fifty? I've never timed myself when I re-read my tripe. I should probably do that, that's kind of scary. You are correct that I had a story once on another site. It…wasn't well received. I got a lot of negative feedback for decisions I made, a lot of people only reading because they apparently thought I was very good at writing sex scenes and they wanted more between their favorite characters, nobody was interested in that take on 'Cosmic Horror meets Neon Gen'. So? I stopped writing it. Eventually deleted it.

Ultimately, I'm writing for me. I have a story I want to tell, and I like knowing that others are interested in seeing where I go. I'm totally ok with people not liking it, nothing can be for everybody, you know? But receiving a mailbox full of 'You suck and I hate you because you smell' killed my enthusiasm for the project. People accused me of 'killing Shinji' because he went from innocent to a dark place, not understanding that he had to go to that dark place to realize what he'd lost so that he'd find his way back to the light.

This time? I put his Light at the start. He's still losing his way, but everyone seems to understand that he's fumbling around in the dark because he doesn't know how to open his eyes yet. At least, if the commentary from everyone in the Reviews is anything to go off of. I'm sure my decisions in the next few chapters will piss people off, its inevitable, but you really nailed it with your assessment.

Our common humanity is what matters. It isn't perfect, it isn't clear cut, and it isn't painless. But without the people in our lives, as frustrating, irrational, and oftentimes terrifying as they can be, where do we ultimately end up?

Incomplete, in the dark, and alone.

Be the Light for those you love, folks. You never know when they need it most.


	64. Chapter 64

+++++ 8th Angel + 1: Sunday (52)

"Oh, well then," Asuka looked to Kodama with a friendly grin, "my compliments to both of you. I won't belittle the meal by comparing it to the chow hall," she smirked at Shinji who nodded in understanding of the 'faint praise' that would offer, "but I'm really happy that I'm not eating there tonight." Drinking the last of her sweetened tea, she set the glass down on her coaster and sat back, placing her hands loosely atop her stomach with her elbows on the armrests of the chair, "So. I assume I was called here for a reason, other than to accidentally terrorize my best friend and enjoy a welcome change of pace. What can I do to help?"

"I'm fine," Shinji stepped in quickly, sensing Kodama stiffen. "She wasn't ready to see me play the cello, and was concerned that she'd upset me by asking me to play part of Beethoven's Symphony Number Nine. It was an honest misunderstanding that I caused."

"No one caused the misunderstanding, save for the man who was responsible for your rearing," Suzuka asserted firmly, keeping her eyes on her own cup. "When the dog cringes at a friendly hand, it is because his master beats him. Neither the dog nor the offer of affection are to blame."

Maya snickered, catching Shinji's eye.

"Woof," he barked with an amused smile. Looking back to Asuka, he explained quickly to avoid another potential explosion, "Back before…this," he gestured along his torso, "when I was…uhm, normal?" He glanced to his sensei turned friend, "Normal?"

"Acceptable, in this instance," his part-time instructor nodded agreeably.

"I had dark black hair, and only one color of blue." Pointing to his unchanged eye, he carried on, "Maya said that both reminded her of the family pet she'd had when she was younger. A big shaggy dog, with black hair and blue eyes, who protected them during the worst of the Post-Impact chaos here in Japan." He shrugged, "Since then, it's kind of a joke between us."

"That is part of why we asked you to come to dinner," Hikari placed her hand lightly atop Shinji's, clearly displaying her ring. "He told me everything that happened at Mount Asama, as he tends to."

"That's good," Asuka nodded firmly. "A husband shouldn't have any secrets from his wife. I promise, I wasn't meaning to dredge up those memories of his mother's death. I'm glad I did though, in a way. Now that I know what he's gone through, and he knows what I've been through, we can really put our shoulders into it and have each other's back."

"Nor," Hikari smiled indulgently, "do _I_ believe you were flirting with him." She ignored Kodama's eyebrow raising and eye roll, "However, I think you might be laboring under a few misunderstandings. Which is the other reason we wanted to have you visit. Clear the air, so that everyone is on the same page. If Shinji is to have your trust in combat, he believes it's important that you have his trust out of it."

Asuka frowned, tilting her head slightly and looking to her wingman, "I trust him. I don't doubt that he trusts me. What's wrong, Shinji? You look like a condemned man, it's been hanging over you all night."

"I hope you'll forgive him," Hikari continued. "But he has agreed to let us talk for him in this. As you no doubt noticed, he stammers when he's nervous. He also has an aggressive tendency to blame himself for everything under the sun, and while he's working on not doing either of those things…it isn't very conducive to an open and honest conversation regarding the life we've begun to make for ourselves."

"I'd rather hear it from him," the redhead shifted closer to him subconsciously, "but…I'll accept it from you. He loves you beyond hope," her tone darkened, "and I'd hate to hear that you were abusing that love by silencing him."

"She's not," Shinji offered quietly, his eyes on his plate. "I promise, Asuka. If I wanted to, she'd let me do anything I got in my head to do." _Like love Kodama the way I do. She doesn't want you to, you idiot! She wants you to make the sane choice!_

The dynamic at the table changed as Asuka reached over and took his other hand. Suzuka spearing Kodama with a glance, reminding the woman of her promise to allow Hikari to handle things. Maya reached into her pocket and pulled out her phone, setting it on the table unobtrusively, but otherwise kept a firmly neutral set to her features. Hikari merely smiled with gratitude, and nodded, "I'm very happy to know he has someone else that will do what they can to protect him. Even from me, should it be necessary."

"Through and through," he murmured, turning his hand over so that he held Asuka's in turn. He couldn't bring himself to look anywhere but his plate, but he could do that much to try and ease the tensions.

"Nobody hurts him," Asuka stated plainly. "Not even me. Because I know if someone hurts me, they're going to have him to answer to." Straightening her shoulders, she rolled the hand that Shinji wasn't gently cradling, "Let's get this over with. If I have to make space for him in my room on base, I'd rather have enough time to get him settled before lights out."

Hikari laughed openly, "That won't be necessary, Asuka. We," she took in the other two female residents, "stay here at his sufferance. I promise you, I'd run either of them out on a rail if they hurt Shinji bad enough that he wanted to move out." Running her thumb lightly over his wrist, she smiled, "When you wanted to change places with Maya, to ride home with him in the APC, what drove that offer? Please," she held up her hand when Asuka's eyes went flat, "let's all be honest. We're all supposed to be working together, even if only to help Shinji. We can't do that sniping at each other's backs."

Asuka the Eva pilot, all confidence and swagger, stepped over Asuka the young woman and made her appearance, "She's flirting with your husband. Coy touches and charming smiles." Glaring coldly at the Major, she demonstrated aptly that she was not shy about speaking her mind, "I trust Shinji, I trust that he won't go walking around with other women, but I won't tolerate him having to deal with a homewrecker. It won't do for his image, and it won't do for our teamwork."

Hikari was grateful that Maya kept up her professionalism, as even she had a hard time spotting the minute signs of anger and distress hanging about the woman she'd come to feel deeply for. "I see," nodding slowly, she schooled her own voice towards neutrality, "so you wanted to…trade places?"

Asuka's head whipped back, her hair snapping with the force, "No! I just…wanted to make sure that he didn't have to spend a long ride in a strange vehicle with someone who'd drape herself all over him at every chance she got. Why Frau Katsuragi ignores the blatant sexual harassment is beyond me, but someone has to speak up for him! It's not like I wanted to climb in his lap and ride home, I was looking out for him!"

Suzuka narrowed her eyes, "The lady doth protest too much, methinks."

The fiery pilot glared at the willowy swordswoman, "Am I attracted to him? Yes. But that means _nothing_. He is kind, gentle, works hard for his friends, and even you have to agree, he's exceptionally handsome. I was attracted to the man assigned to be my guardian too, I'd never have slept with him. Attraction means nothing by itself. I'm sure Shinji would be happy to admit that he thinks I'm at least pretty, if not more. That doesn't mean he's going to bend me over a sink and have a go!"

Hikari tried to regain control of the conversation, "What if he asked you to?"

"I'd think less of him," Asuka retorted hotly. "His self-control is part of his charm. Knowing that he's a one-woman kind of guy means that I can let my guard down around him. Do you have any idea how hard that is? To find someone on this planet you can trust expressly? Of course you don't, _you_ had siblings. _You_ had peers. We," she gestured between herself and Shinji, "had nothing. Why would you ask me that, anyway? Don't you trust him?"

"I do," the Class Rep agreed with a shrug. "That's why I don't mind him being around so many attractive women. He'll be true to his word, even if it costs him his life."

"Then what's the problem? I don't trust other people to not try and take advantage of someone as…I'm sorry, Shinji," her voice suddenly became gentle as she looked to him, "you're naïve. It's a dorky kind of adorable that I treasure, but it puts you in situations like this. You don't see the train coming until it's on top of you, and I don't want you getting hit by it."

Kodama barked out a laugh, "She's just smashing all around the place, isn't she? Has she been given the reports, or is she just this unlucky in her turns of phrase?"

Maya shook her head, "She hasn't been given that access. She doesn't know about the hospitalization, or the Jet Alone event." Still cool as ice, she kept her hands clasped before her on the table, "You don't know enough about him to understand him, Pilot Soryu. You know what he's told you, and you believe you know what you've pieced together based on flawed intelligence. Whether he tells you or not is up to him, but do not presume to know how he acts when you aren't around."

"What if I've given Maya permission?" Hikari pressed her point, "What if I've told Shinji that so long as Maya is involved with both he and I it's fine if they share affections?" Curling his fingers around her hand, she kept her tone level, "What if I, and others who love him, feel it's best for him to have more than one woman in his life so that he's never lonely again?"

"Then I don't think it's _me_ who doesn't know him well enough," Asuka growled. "I can feel the guilt hanging off of him, Hikari. That's what you're doing?" She glared between the woman before her and Maya, "Sharing him out like some sort of rent-a-dick? Making him cover over for you in public? I could smell the lie on him when he said he didn't mind riding home with Major Tentacles there," jabbing her finger at Maya she turned to Shinji, "but I didn't say anything because Frau Katsuragi dragged me out of the tent to tear into me for putting my nose where it doesn't belong. So, she's in on this idiocy too?"

"They have not consummated any kind of relationship," Shinji was amazed at how even-keeled his fiancée remained, "nobody but he and I have done anything other than what friends might do. Maya herself has stated firmly that until she knows her own heart, she won't pursue a more intimate relationship with us."

"So his feelings don't matter?" Asuka now held his hand with both of hers, "After everything you told me in his room, you still would do something like this? Hikari, this is absolutely emotional abuse! Look me in the eye and tell me that you don't see him going along with everything just to avoid hurting anyone's feelings. You said _yourself_ that he doesn't understand the word 'No'!"

"And so I should control him, then?" Twisting the woman's own logic back around on her, she sighed, "I should never have told him of my own attraction to women? You would have me not only lie to him, but dominate him just as the man who raised him did."

"A lie of omission," Asuka snapped. "We all lie, Hikari. To ourselves, to each other, it's how we get through life."

"Not all of us," Suzuka cautioned. "The Lord Ikari has done an admirable job of insisting that the truth be all he speaks. He demanded that tonight occur because he couldn't stomach even one more hour of withholding the truth from someone he would call a friend, child."

"Which is why I want to protect him, _old lady_ ," the redheaded pilot drawled. "He's the one damn bright spot in this entire miserable swamp. I've gone seventeen years hating everyone I saw without exception, and I swore when I came here that I'd give the other pilots a fair shake. Lo and behold, there he is! Won't even look at me because he's afraid my skirt would flare up while we were on the deck of the _'Rainbow_. Then he plays peacekeeper when Frau Katsuragi wants to act all bitchy. Then he _saves my life_ , apologizes for me being shot, and bakes me a fucking cake! He is everything I'd hoped for and more in a fellow pilot, in a friend, in a…. He's earned that damn handle he has, and I won't see him tarnished by corruption."

Kodama, no longer willing to endure the constant barrage of insults to her attempts at earning Shinji's heart, slapped her hand down on the table, "So we're this 'corruption'?"

"You," Asuka glowered at the larger woman, "are her sister! How can you sit back and watch as her husband is tempted away by other women? Aren't you supposed to be the one that 'held your family together' as he said on that stupid interview? Didn't your father teach you better?"

Standing violently, the eldest Horaki sent her chair tumbling backwards, "You are not-" Her attempted lunge at Asuka was intercepted by Suzuka's wooden sword at her throat.

Of more shock to everyone, Shinji himself had somehow moved nearly instantaneously to a spot just before his wingman, between her and the looming wrath of his housemate, "I think this might be a good place to take a break." With his back fully to Asuka, he held his hands out and open, "Asuka has had a chance to share what she feels. Hikari has explained what's happening." Looking to the one woman he trusted to have the lowest amount of emotional flotsam regarding the matter, he saw that Suzuka agreed with him.

"We will calm our tempers better apart," the willowy swordswoman nodded once. "Perhaps you could show your fellow pilot the manor grounds, while Hikari-chan discusses what we've learned with the others of your household."

"Thank you," bowing politely to the woman who helped him prevent a catastrophe, he turned to his fiancée. "With your permission?"

"You know you never need that, Shinji," Hikari sighed, irritated. "Be a good host, I'll do what I can here."

Finally, he looked to Asuka, "I haven't planted anything yet…I was thinking of maybe a garden of some sort," he heard Hikari cough as she attempted to drink and gasp at the same time, "but I'd have to discuss that with security. I'd love to show you around the outside, the view as the sun sets is really wonderful."

Eyes that once would have melted him with death beams instead simply viewed him with pity, "Sure. A nice walk after dinner is best, I hear." She was surprised, visibly, when he offered her his elbow. Where she once would have eagerly accepted the offer, she instead took a few heartbeats to think through what it might mean before shaking her head and latching on twice as firmly, "On your lead."

+++++ 8th Angel + 1: Sunday (52)

The half of the sun left above the horizon bathed the sky in a glow that Shinji compared ironically to the permanent twilight of the domain of his soul. Purposefully keeping his pace slow, he stopped Asuka from racing and forced her to instead calmly rage at his side. _I can't believe I did that. I can't believe I'm doing this! What in the_ HELL _am I doing?!_ "It's way too much space." _You're doing the best thing for Hikari._

"If I was any closer," Asuka snarked, "I'd be on top of you. You're a damn mountain, Shinji. It's hard to walk on your arm, as much as I'm in love with doing so. And yes, I happen to like being treated like a lady. That doesn't mean I'm looking to…to… _that!_ "

Blinking, he looked down, "That's…not what I meant." Gesturing around him, he took in the far distant fence, "This much space. How many families could fit here? How many businesses? A school? A hospital? A police station? What better use could be given to this space if they'd just…."

"Shove you in a closet?" Asuka exhaled her anger and started more calmly, "Shinji, I'd rather they tear down half the city to build this house than see you demoted to a broom closet like some unwanted bastard offspring." Laying the side of her head against his arm, she scowled, "I don't know your past, they're right. But that doesn't mean I can't see what your past has done to you. I don't want to push you to tell me anything, because you've done me the common fucking courtesy of not doing it to me! I see how you look at me, I see the pain in your eyes. You look at me and you see my suffering, and it hurts you. But you aren't digging at me, you aren't picking away at my armor like some demented magpie! For once in my fucking life, someone _gets_ me."

 _Maybe…not as perceptive as she thinks she is._ "I treat you like I want to be treated," he hedged. "I try to treat _everybody_ like I want to be treated."

"And that's why I can't accept what they're doing to you," she pulled away from his arm, cutting him off and standing with her hands on her hips, her shoulders cocked forward. In an instant, he saw her as she had been in his previous life, cocky, arrogant…narcissistic, "Shinji, they are abusing you! You cook for them, you clean, you've even given that big-titted sow of a sister Hikari has a job! If it weren't for you, 'Major' Ibuki wouldn't have made half the name for herself that she's made. She's part of the reason you're…this!" Waving up and down his body, she paused, realizing she was making it seem as if he were a freak, "Not that…damn it," stomping her foot she screamed wordlessly in frustrated rage.

Holding firmly to his nerves, Shinji kept his mouth shut. _She's angry for me. Not at me. She's not yelling at me. I can handle this. I can._ Shoving his hands in his pockets, uncertain of what else to do with them now that she was no longer walking at his side, he once more was irritated by his inability to slouch. _She's right, we know she's right. Why aren't you listening to me?_

"Ok," taking a deep breath, she shook out her hands. "Ok. I feel better. I feel better, and I can do this." Clasping her hands loosely under her chest, she was the very picture of calm and restraint, "Shinji. Before we go any further, I want to know something. I understand that asking this is kind of breaking our unspoken rules, but I feel it is important…it is about fairness."

Shinji nodded, "If I can help-"

"Yes, yes," she clamped her jaw shut, taking another calming breath. "Sorry…sorry. Ok. I appreciate it, Shinji. I'm trying very hard right now not to…club you over the head and drag you back to the Commander and force him to deal with all of this. I need to know…I told you what I think of you. I said what I think, what I feel. But…what do you think about me?"

' _Am I attracted to him? Yes._ ' He frowned as he looked towards the sun, well aware of what she was asking and knowing that he couldn't lie at all without screaming the opposite in her face. "You're like a bonfire on the beach," he began without forethought. "Heat, and power…life in all its glory. Dangerous to everyone around you that lacks the proper respect for that power, but sheltering to those who understand the nature of your blaze. But you _are_ next to the ocean, and if nobody is there to…to tend to you, your flames could be snuffed out forever as the tide rolls in to swallow you. You want to be independent, you want to show the world that it can't beat you down…but you _need_ someone to tend your flames." Turning back to the woman before him, he shrugged uncomfortably, "I…also think you're gorgeous. Fair is fair."

A single tear worked its way free from her eye, which she ignored as she clenched her jaw and her hands. For several minutes she stood and struggled with something that he couldn't see, or understand. Her song roared of ill-fitting chords, of highs and lows that attempted to occupy the same space at the same time. Stepping forward, she grabbed his shirt and pulled him down into a hug, "Don't let them, Shinji. Please, _please_ , don't let them tarnish you! Don't let them drag you down to their level. Prove to me, prove _for_ me that there's at least one good and honorable man in this miserable hell humankind has made for ourselves!"

 _Sure. I can do that. Just like everything else. It's simple. I just…travel back in time and shoot myself in the head before I go to school and meet Hikari._ Folding his arms around her so that she wasn't alone in hugging, he decided to change the topic of conversation away from the current unresolvable problem, "I actually had a question I wanted to ask you, tonight. Kind of…hoped things hadn't turned out quite so…this, but it's a different topic. Maybe give us some distance from the bad?"

Holding firm to his front, she sniffed, "Sure. What can the great and powerful Asuka Langley Soryu break for you now?"

 _Am I destined to bring misery wherever I go?_ "I was…listening the other day as I entertained Nozomi-chan, and someone mentioned a line. It…sounded like a quote: 'There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy'. You've gone to college, I thought maybe you could make it make sense for me."

"Another Hamlet quote?" Shifting slowly back to his arm, she tugged him onto their walk, "It's from the same play that the relic with the stick referenced at the table." Assuming a tone he associated with teachers, she puzzled through where he might have heard it while educating him on its meaning, "The protagonist, Hamlet, was visited by the ghost of his murdered father. His father told him that it was Hamlet's uncle and mother that conspired to commit regicide, which didn't sit very well with Hamlet's view of the world or his family. He had traveled with a friend, before the play begins, the man named Horatio referenced in the line, to Wittenberg to experience more of the world and the philosophies, or sciences, being discovered in the rest of Europe.

"They had just spent a long time absorbing rationality, discipline, academic rigor. Everything categorized neatly, and explained thoroughly so that there was no more room for superstitions or theology to try and convince them of anything beyond the very real and grounded mortal world around them." She poked at his wrist, "Even though the things that you and I take for granted, television, radio communication, even germ theory, were all just madmen's ideas to the common people of the time it was still a bright moment for the sciences in a very darkened period of history. The ghost, his father, appearing as he did could very easily have been a hallucination, or an illness. But he couldn't deny the _experience_ , just like he couldn't deny his time in Wittenberg. So how did he balance them?"

"By admitting the existence of something beyond the explanations provided by the sciences he'd just studied," Shinji mused aloud. "Like Doctor Akagi said to me in class once, the Evas themselves violate several previously inviolable natural laws. The Angels even more than the Evas." He couldn't stop from smiling as he realized that Dark was trying to tell him that not everything would make sense now, but it might eventually if he gave it enough time. _It wasn't a dismissal, it was a gesture of peace! She's not telling me that I can't understand because I'm stupid, she's saying it because I literally don't have the groundwork to resolve the conflict of ideas! It'd seem like superstition, magic, and I'd claim it was just as silly. Given time and experience, it will make more sense._

"And so," Asuka patted his arm with pride in his reasoning and how he'd taken to her impromptu lesson, "there are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in human philosophy. Sometimes we have to take a look at the world beyond our own…lens." Holding tighter to his arm, she sighed, "We have to look beyond the rigid guidelines of what we believe to be reality in order to seek the truth of the matter. Shinji who was this that gave you the excerpt?"

"Just someone I hear around town from time to time, they're often where I am. It's kind of a small town, for how big it is." He hoped that was enough for her, as he wasn't quite ready to admit to hearing 'ghosts'. "They were discussing a recent loss, and how it affected everyone around them."

She looked at him, gauging how honest he was being, "So it wasn't that old lady inside? Sakura?"

"Suzuka? No. No, it wasn't her," he pointed in the direction of the hospital, "Sakura Suzuhara is up at the hospital, that's the Sakura you're thinking of, I bet. I really don't know their name, Asuka, she's a Darker lady. It was just something I overheard while I was with Nozomi-chan."

Laying her head back on his arm, she finally smiled, "I shouldn't be so happy that my Lead can't ever join a poker game without getting fleeced…but I can't deny that it has its benefits."

+++++ 8th Angel + 1: Sunday (52)

Asuka stood outside the door into Shinji's home, much calmer after her walk with her best friend and prepared to leave for the evening, "I appreciate that you have more to discuss, Hikari," her tone was unmoved, "but I won't budge on this. I think it's a terrible idea, I think you're setting him up for more pain, and I think you should honestly reconsider your priorities if you plan on having a marriage that lasts. But," she poked Shinji, "your fiancé here made some good points on our walk. While I can't trust them," she gestured with her chin towards the rest of the house, "I can trust him."

"You understand there is more than we've told you," Hikari cautioned. "And that just as you won't tolerate what you perceive to be mistreatment of your friend…neither will I?"

"We've taken some steps backwards in trust," the redheaded pilot admitted easily. "Not him as I said…you. He's been forthright, and he didn't spend a week in the hospital making me believe things that weren't true. So, we'll just base our relationship on its adjacency to him, for now. Since he loves you, I'll give you a chance. But I promise you, I'll do everything I can to take him away from you if you hurt him."

"Be safe going home," Shinji cut in, wanting the conversation to stop from spiraling badly out of control. "Thank you for coming over tonight…and for the literary lesson."

A strange look crossed her eyes as Asuka went to turn, and then she stepped back up and kissed the opposite side of his mouth from the spot that Rei typically chose, "In that spirit, here's one for you from me, mein liebster Freund, 'This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man'." Holding her hand over his heart, she kept his eyes on hers, "Always be who you are in here, Shinji. Gute Nacht." Walking away, she entered the Section Two vehicle without another word.

Waving farewell as the car drove off, Shinji waited until the vehicle had gone over the hill towards the gate before stopping, "I'm sorry, Hikari. I…didn't show you the trust you've earned. I failed to let you handle the situation an-"

"Stop," her fingers patted his lips. "The plan went sideways as soon as she vehemently denounced Maya. Imagine how much worse it would have become if Kodama mentioned that she was also trying for your heart? You and Suzuka stopped a terrible thing from occurring, and you need to accept that sometimes delegation will have limits." Turning him back inside, she took her favored spot on his arm, "What would happen if you gave Nozomi-chan the task of making dinner, and during a spot-check noticed that there was no conceivable way what she was making would be edible? Would you allow her to flounder, or would you step in and try to remedy things?"

"I'd help, not take over," he countered as they reached the living room. "I took over."

"You led," Hikari disagreed firmly. "You made the best choice available, you faced your own anxieties and fears, and you tried to salvage what you could from a scenario gone awry."

"You defended your family, and your comrade," Suzuka agreed from her place on the couch. "Though I would counsel that you wait a while yet before speaking to the family, as they are…acting rather childish," the willowy warrior finished with a shrug, eyeing the other woman in the room sideways.

"She's insisting that you've made your choice," Maya rubbed her temples, her eyes on her tablet which was open and auto scrolling through some text. "Nothing truly coherent came of our own little meeting after you took Asuka for a walk. Hikari insists you're still open to things, Kodama insists the opposite, it's a mess."

"And you?" Shinji helped Hikari sit down before turning to face the 'other' woman in Asuka's mind, "What are you thinking?" While it was clear that she wasn't ignoring his question, Maya made no real gestures towards answering it. With her eyes on her work, her fingers on her head, and her body language closed off, he was able to piece together her thoughts well enough. "I…see." Walking towards the table, he made to busy himself, "I'll clean up. Then we'll…do some homework, or…." _This was a terrible idea. No. No, this was a great idea._

+++++ 8th Angel + 2: Monday (53)

At Hikari's request, he laid behind her while she slept. With his arms occupied cradling her, he was left with nothing to do but wait. Avoiding his own mind was a skill he'd long since perfected, and practicing it now was as easy as breathing. The songs of his S-DAT looped through his mind, the unending accompaniment of his youth blotting out the negatives of his present.

 _Negatives such as holding a beautiful woman who loves you deeply?_

Clenching his eyes shut, Shinji curled tighter around Hikari. _I'm not listening. We haven't been suffering, I just need a night off. I need to give myself a single night away from the constant drumbeat of-_

 _Of what?_ The voice flicked his ear, _Of listening to good advice because it comes from someone that in another life abused you? Of hearing what you've been thinking yourself spoken in a much more feminine voice? Have you even considered having an actual discussion about it with her?_ He felt Hikari's hair shift as she murmured something in her sleep. _You did fairly well earlier with her sister. Put out some actual problems instead of just prancing around pretending everything's fine like you usually do._

 _It's not bad to want to make them happy! That they want to make me happy!_

Sitting on his hip, she snorted, _Lying never makes anyone happy. Least of all, the lied to._

 _I'm not lying!_

 _Then get out of bed, go into her room, and mate with her._ She pushed him free from Hikari. _Give her the child she desires, accept her as a part of your life forever, and watch as your Light slowly withers when her lies catch up to her._ Standing on his hips, she laughed darkly, _I never said you were the one who was lying, Shinji._ With that, she disappeared, leaving him once more alone with his thoughts.

"If not me…." Shinji clacked his teeth together, irritated at himself for risking waking up his fiancée. _Mental communication is not for a species that isn't telepathic!_

"If not for you," Hikari sighed, "I wouldn't know true love." Shifting about, she pressed her back tighter to his side, "If not for you, I would regret every morning I woke up next to someone like Suzuhara. If not for you, my life would be miserable and lonely." Taking his hand, she moved it once more to her belly, "If not for you, I wouldn't have a future worth living."

"I'm sorry," closing his eyes, he mentally slapped himself. "I didn't mean to wake you."

"I haven't been sleeping that deeply," she shrugged, her song still conveying sorrow and anger. "I've been trying to think of something to say, and I've been coming up with nothing but 'Let's elope, just…burn everything to the ground.' It's not a very well-thought-out plan, to be honest."

 _Have you considered an actual discussion with her?_ The words dug into the back of his neck like a knife. "Kodama…is convinced that her first time is going to be terrible, that it's going to suck." Scowling, he shook his head, "The best I could come up with was 'I hope it doesn't'. Neither of us is really on top of our advice-giving game at the moment, if I'm being honest." _Will you go against what she wants?_

"I'm sure you'll do fine when it comes time," Hikari stated with the barest hint of a flat edge to her voice. Her song finally betraying the truth of her feelings, that she was far from sanguine about the entire matter.

 _You shouldn't. I can't._ "I don't…think it will be with me."

"What?!" Rolling herself over, she pushed him onto his back and moved to sit astride his hips, "Shinji, you can't-"

" _Stop_." Interrupting her hurt him to do, and his pain doubled as he saw the look of shock that she incorrectly believed the darkness of the room hid, "Asuka didn't say, or do, anything that I haven't thought of saying myself, or haven't been guilty of doing myself." Gripping her knees, he asked the same question of the woman he loved most that he'd asked of her own flesh and blood, "What do I tell my child when their mother is scorned in public because I'm their father? When their aunt is the mother of their half-sibling? What do I tell our child when their friends tease them for having a philanderer for a father? What do I say when they ask me why I'm ashamed?"

"You would never be ashamed of them, Shinji!" Hikari pressed on his heart, "You'll be a wonderful father, you will!"

"I'll be ashamed of myself," he clarified. "When I watch the difficulties they face because I allowed my own weaknesses to dictate their life's circumstances before they were even born? Hikari, tell me that you honestly believe I'll ever truly be whole. Look me in the eye, and tell me that."

Her mouth opened, the lie ready to be spilt, her song wavering as she struggled with the promises they'd made the night they agreed to be wed. "I…won't stop until you are."

 _That is, at least, completely true._ "Now…look me in the eye, and tell me you're fine with your sister writhing beneath me. Sweaty and screaming my name as she and I do all the things you and I have done, and more." _I hate myself._ "That you are truly going to look at me the same when you see her stomach swelling with pregnancy. That the trust you have in me-"

"Stop!" Clapping her hands over his mouth, she scrunched her eyes closed and quaked, "Please. Just…stop."

 _Maya was right._ Gently removing her hands, he folded them in his own, "It's better that until we know our own hearts…that we don't do things we'll later come to regret." _Idunn was right, we're children playing at adulthood._ Sitting up, he hugged her close, "I'll never, _never_ , regret you. Not because you were first, or because I haven't experienced more…but because I truly love you. And that love comes with the responsibility to remain faithful to you. To not hurt you by-"

Pushing away, she sat on his legs and looked towards the door, "I'm fine with it, Shinji." Hearing the lie shouted outwards in her soul stung less than he'd thought it would, knowing that she wasn't lying to hurt him but to save someone she loved.

 _You can't let this go. I can't let this slide and just parade about like everything's fine._ "You're lying." He tried to smile, "You know the punishment for that. We both agreed to it."

"I…I'm not." It was clear that it wasn't him she was trying to convince. "I'm not lying, Shinji. I just…I don't want…."

"You don't want to hear about it?" He gently took her wrists, knowing that what he was about to do might cause her to attempt to flee to avoid the argument, and wanting to make certain she didn't overtax herself and collapse uncontrolled. "That's a half-truth. Of course you wouldn't want to hear about it, no more than I'd be interested in hearing about it if you and Toji were to go at it. But every single time I saw your child, the product of you and another man? I'd die inside." _Slowly wither._ "I'm going to live with the regret of what I have allowed to happen with Kodama for the rest of my life, I'm not going to inflict that and more on the woman who saved that life."

"This isn't your fault," Hikari frowned back at him. "How is it your fault that I handed you a loaded gun and encouraged you to put it to your head?" Her eyes flicked to her wrists, then to him, "Let go." Nothing in her tone was dangerous, or hostile. The statement had the air of a request she knew he'd obey rather than a demand or an order.

He remained where he was, "Why?"

She rolled her eyes, "Because I know what you're doing, and I'm not going to run. I'm not a child."

Shinji saw a path back towards neutral spring up before them, "I just wanted to hold your hands."

Scoffing a laugh, his fiancée smirked, "Now who's lying?" Her eyes narrowed a second later, "Oh, you clever…."

"Spanking isn't…something I'm going to be comfortable doing for a while. Not until I know my own strength." Removing his hands, he trailed his fingers along her arms, "So…a lie for a lie." _Trust her._ "It's…it's just Kodama, isn't it? That's what's driving this anxiety I've been sensing from you, you don't feel…whatever it is you're feeling when you think about Maya and us. It's why you pushed me to kiss Maya, but haven't ever once pushed me towards Kodama other than a date out of the house and out of sight."

"She's my sister, Shinji. She's always been able to get under my skin, no matter what. But that's not the only piece here!" She laughed, understanding the insanity of her own defense, "She was there the first time a girl turned me down for a date. She was there when mom died. She was there when the visions took me. When I started bleeding. She cautioned me to not rush into something with Toji. She saved the man I love! But I can't see her with you and not…feel like you're going to be lost to me forever. Like you won't go to the much better option every time you want to share affection with someone."

 _No,_ she _didn't save me._ "You saved me, Hikari. If I stayed with Misato, I'd still have had you in my life. It would have been more time before Misato came around, but you've seen how much better she is now than she was when I came here. Kodama was an early wakeup call, that's all. I'm sure the Commander would have still taken action, just a little slower." _She knows best. Trust her, not yourself._ Gripping her shoulder, he shook his head, "I'm not belittling her importance, Hikari. Not to you, to me, or to this house. I'm not saying that she isn't a good person who took care of you. But…I won't be a party to killing the spirit of the woman I love."

"Shinji, you don't understand. This feeling we get in my family? This…it's like trying to imagine losing half of your body. I think of you leaving me, and I know in my bones that I'll never be whole again. You are the other half of me, _you_ complete _me_ not the other way around. I know exactly how Kodama's going to feel when you tell her you won't, and you're asking me to be all right with destroying her because I can't just…get over it!"

"She'll always have a place by our side, Hikari," he tried to harden his heart, "just not in my bed." _It's just one word. Why can't you just spit out one damn word?_ "Ask of me anything, everything. Tell me to bring you the moon, the stars…ask me to bottle lightning and I'll throw myself into the task gladly. But…never to hurt you. The answer is n-n…."

Hikari sagged, "Do you know how frustrating it is to wonder whether you're stuttering because you're trying to lie, or if it's because you can't tell me 'no'?" Punching him in the arm with all the mighty force of an under-stuffed teddy bear, she frowned, "You are so…confounding, at times. You can't tell me that you don't want to bend her over, Shinji. My sister is ten times the beauty I'll ever be. She's the echo of my mother after all, not me."

"One, you are the most beautiful woman I know. And two, that she's able to induce lust in me doesn't mean anything. Everyone around me has made that perfectly clear." His smile was lost in the darkened room, "I know you'd love to sleep with Asuka. Or Misato. Or Ritsuko. You won't, and so that's what I have to make clear to her between her and I." With two fingers, he tilted her chin up to look at him again, "I trust you. That's what truly matters. We'll always have each other, we'll have those friends who are willing to endure the insanity that is our life, and if Kodama is the good woman we both believe her to be…we'll have family to support us."

"I said…almost three weeks ago," she began slowly, "that if you said 'No', the answer was 'No'. I need to own up to that." Lifting her chin from his hand, she set her shoulders and gathered her poise about her like a shawl, "Is this a 'No' for Kodama?" Where her elder sister would use her emotions as her strength, lashing out with anger and fire at those things that faced her, Hikari Horaki was a woman of cold and unassailable logic, if still one with powerful emotions under the surface. Just as it was his responsibility to defend the world, she had her duty to defend him. The trial was over, now was the time for sentencing.

Shinji swallowed his fear, "I won't do something that will hurt you."

Her eyes stayed firmly on his, "I need to hear the word, Shinji."

"I can't…do something that will hurt you. I'd never f-forgive myself." _It's a word. It is a damn word like any other of the million you know! Say the damn word you pathetic coward!_ "N-n-n…." The weight of her judgement pressed down on him, an anchor threatening to drag him down below the waves. _You just swore that you'd stop letting them direct your life. That you'd take responsibility for your choices. That you wouldn't push this burden off on them! Say. The fucking. Word._ "N-n-no. N-no, I won't b-be with K-Kodama like I a-am with y-you."

Reaching out she gently took his jaw in both palms, her voice as soft as a spring rain, "Then that is our answer. We speak with one voice, and it is our right to decline to share ourselves with others." Kissing his forehead, she gathered him into a hug, "I don't have to like it. It isn't my body, and that means that it isn't my choice. I will support you completely, I will never blame you for what follows this. She may be my family…but you are more than that, now and forever. I love them dearly, but I love you deeper."

"I-I'm s-sorry," he couldn't speak anything else. _I'm inflicting wounds on her that may never heal. All because-_ He stopped when she swatted his shoulder, "H-Hikari?"

"Don't be a tit," she muttered. "My husband will not apologize to me for doing something to save me from myself. Especially when I can't, or won't, do it myself." Nuzzling into his neck, she huffed, "I am forever doing things that burden you, Shinji, and don't you start!" She poked his ribs as she felt him begin to deny it, "I don't apologize for them when I know that it's what you would do, but just can't, or won't."

 _I can hear the pain in her song._ "I'm sorry that this hurts you, Hikari, not…that I'm doing what's best. I'll tell Kodama and Maya tomorrow that I can't."

Her voice was small, "Maya too?" Sitting back she looked at him, "Shinji…I don't have a problem with Maya and us, with her and you…I really don't." Trying to search his eyes in the dark, she gripped the flesh of his shoulders, "I know you can tell when I'm lying, I don't think about Maya and us in the same way as Kodama and you. Maybe because it's 'us' and not 'you', maybe because it's just not Kodama." She waited a few heartbeats, "Please…tell me you know I'm telling the truth?"

 _She is. Why am…. Now what?_

+++++ 8th Angel + 2: Monday (53)

"Like so," Suzuka had her hands on Hikari and was correcting minute errors in her stance and actions. The group was downstairs in the 'dungeon', as Shinji jokingly referred to it, when his fellow member of the peerage arrived for their daily exercise, "This gives more snap, transferring the energy at the point of contact and beyond. You haven't been practicing like you ought to, Hikari-chan, your forms are sloppy."

"That's my fault," Shinji defended his fiancée as he kept up his assault on the heavy bag. "We had a talk an hour ago, and she hasn't really slept. I promise, when she's well-rested I wouldn't want to face her. As Toji Suzuhara can attest to."

"One hour or one day of sleep, it is incumbent upon a warrior to be ever ready to defend themselves and those they love," Suzuka eyed him. "She must practice, for Horakis are warriors. It is also as good an exercise as any to recover her stamina after her recent surgery."

"Yes, ma'am," Hikari performed the strike again. "I'll make more time for it." A third effort met with approval, "I have to admit, it is easier now that I have a space where nobody but family can watch me practice." Returning to the start, she dropped the bombshell without warning, "We've decided against including Kodama in our relationship. After last night, we believe it is evident that she isn't mature enough to be a part of something like that."

Suzuka's eyes never left Shinji, "Is that so?"

Stopping his combo mid-strike, Shinji let the bag bat him in the face. Grasping the top firmly, he wished yet again that emotional pain had gone the way of physical. "It would hurt Hikari. It would hurt any children I was responsible for. In the end, it would drive a wedge in between Kodama and everyone around her as their relationship soured year after year, month after month. No matter what I do-"

" _We_ do," Hikari corrected him firmly, staying in motion. "We are of one mind in this, Suzuka-san. This is not his decision alone, and I will not have the Shirakami judge him harshly for doing what we believe is best."

"Please, Shinji," Suzuka rolled her hand, her tone even. "Continue what you were going to say."

Shinji nodded, grateful that she was acting as his friend still, "No matter what-"

"Where the hell is he?!" The interruption came from an unlikely source, as Nozomi stomped down the stairs, "Shinji Ikari, you had best have a damn good reason for messing with my lab! I don't care if it's messy, it's messy because I'm bloody well doing things in it!" Stopping as she saw Suzuka, she frowned, "Oh. It's _you_." When her eyes reached Shinji, she pointed, "You! Where did you put the blue jar? The one with the core sample from…what?" She looked around in confusion as everyone eyed her warily.

 _Act, idiot. Don't just stand there and wait for her to figure out she's in the wrong time._ "Which blue jar, Nozomi?" Shinji walked over, crouching down to his haunches before the little lady of the house, "I'm sorry if I moved something I shouldn't have, but you keep many of my things in there too. If you wouldn't abduct my belongings, I wouldn't have to search through yours to get them back."

"What's yours is mine, what's mine is mine, and what's ours is mine. You know damn well that's how this works, dear," flicking his nose, she smiled. "But I'll forgive you for not knowing exactly what I'm talking about." Frowning over his shoulder, she leaned in, "I'm seeing her again. The ghost of…."

Shinji knew her eyes were on Hikari, and that fact tore at him deeply, "Let's focus on our present, ok? Which blue jar?"

"Not in front of _her_ ," Nozomi's finger jabbed at Suzuka. "I wouldn't have even started this conversation if I knew she was visiting." Crossing her arms, she turned away from the willowy swordswoman, "I don't care what you two do, and you know that, but she is not supposed to come over here on Mondays. That's my one day of the week where it's just the two of us."

"I'm sorry," Shinji placed his palms together in a mock-prayer apology. "I needed to talk after my training, and you were still snoring so I hoped that she'd be in and out before you woke."

"You've never been that quick, dear," Nozomi snorted. "And I don't snore since I had that surgery, you know that. I'll be upstairs. Once you're done going on about whatever indecent proposals you two were discussing, come find me." Kissing him comfortably, she glared at the Countess and lifted her chin to 'harrumph' in contempt before storming back off, "And we had better be able to find that damn jar!"

 _Two. Three. Now!_ He arrived at the same instant Suzuka did, coinciding with Nozomi putting her foot on the stair and losing all tension in her joints. Both of them took one half of the youngest Horaki as she went limp and unconscious, moving up the stairs towards the house-proper as Hikari rapidly followed behind. "Go get Maya," Shinji ordered his fiancée tersely. "Suzuka, the couch." Accepting the other half of his precious cargo, he delayed his arrival long enough for her to throw the pillows to the ground and pick up the blanket.

Once Nozomi was laid flat on the couch, Suzuka covered her over and gripped Shinji's shoulder, "Many of their visions do not come to pass, especially those whose time is far into the future. Do not put stock in each of them she may experience."

 _Or, use them as they are intended to be used. Forewarned is forearmed, Shinji._ Dark sat on his shoulder, _If you want to survive this, you need the others._ He felt her drawing his attention to Maya and Hikari's entrance to the room. _If she's saying you two live alone, what does that mean?_

"You need to make up your mind," Shinji snapped aloud, glaring over his shoulder away from anyone physically present. "And stay out of mine!" Freezing as he realized what he'd just done he closed his eyes and walked away, trusting that Maya and Hikari would handle Nozomi. "Damn it." His course took him directly to the kitchen, _Damn it all._ Reaching the sink, he washed his hands and forearms thoroughly as he waited for the telltale signs of Suzuka's approach. When she reached the doorway behind him, he kept his eyes on what he was doing, "It's a very long story, one I would have told you eventually. Someday."

Her voice was free of judgment, "We all have our secrets, my friend." The sound of her sword being placed atop the center island positioned her in the spot she'd taken to listening to him from, "I most certainly haven't told you all of my own."

"If I tell you, will you tell no one?" He moved to the fridge, his eyes staying away from the area she occupied, "I mean _no one_." _Simple lunches? No. No, after this, she'll need more complex fare. Damn it, now Suzuka has_ me _doing it._ "Not Suzuki-san, not Nanako-san, nobody."

"If it be so dire as to call for it, I will borrow your knife to swear the oath," she stated as if offering the day's weather. "I leave it to you whether to accept my word or demand my bond, you know best what this might require."

"Your word is a better guarantee than anything else in life, Suzuka," Shinji barked a tired laugh. "Remember?" Looking at her finally, he saw that her eyes were nervous, even if still gentle and caring, "I can sense the lie. If you say you'll honor my request, I'd bet Hikari on it."

"That I have your trust to that degree warms me, Shinji," her smile conveyed her sorrow. "In your own time, then. None shall hear of it from my lips or hand."

Popping open the packages of chicken, Shinji began preparing everyone several meals. "I'm…not from this world." Cutting away those pieces he knew Nozomi would prefer, he focused on packing her lunch as densely with nutrients as he could without forcing her to eat what she wouldn't enjoy, "Fifty-three days ago, I was sent back in time from a world far too close to this one. I faced many of the Angels once already before, and know of at least as many yet to come."

As food was processed into feasts, Shinji repeated the story he'd now shared with four total women. The voices, Nyx, Dark, and the now 'gone' Gentle. The embryo turned ally. The songs, the fight, his previous life with Asuka and Misato. Pausing his tale when Hikari walked in quickly to say that Nozomi was coming around, he nodded and beckoned Suzuka closer to continue. Sharing the worst of it in a lowered voice, he explained the powers that he'd gained and the costs they incurred. "I can…watch," holding his hand over a pot of water he caused the liquid to rise out of the container in a globe, then settled it back in. "So when I say that I'm not human," he decided that he'd shared what he could, what he understood, "it's because I can move water with my soul. When I get angry, lightning crashes around me. Things happen. I haven't experimented, really. I'm afraid of…I'm afraid."

An arm reached around his ribs, "A human, Shinji, is one who acts in the best interests of their fellow man. All else is the stuff of science, and the categorization and classification of things has no say in what we are in our hearts." She squeezed before moving back to let him continue his work, "A monster would have left me to act alone to prevent harm to Nozomi-chan. A monster would have used these abilities you've been cursed with for ill. When I say that you should not deny your _humanity_ , I meant you should not deny your _heart_."

"My heart isn't what everyone thinks it is," he rumbled. "My heart is what got me into this mess with Kodama."

"Your heart is what gifted you Hikari," Suzuka countered. "I understand what you mean when you say that there is more inside of you than generosity and good will." Her voice darkened, "I _understand_. The urge to use the powers we can summon to destroy those who would do ill? That ranks among the least of the urges we must be on guard against at all times." She balanced a knife on her fingertip, "That you do not give in to those impulses is the measure of your heart, Shinji. Not all the rest."

"She's asleep," Maya yawned from the doorway. "Hikari is…oh, I'm sorry," shaking her head, she turned to leave, "I'm interrupting."

"No," Suzuka was quick to bring her back, "I was actually about to be on my way. I have other obligations to meet, please…be his strength, for a time." Once the major was settled on a stool near Shinji, the swordswoman nodded in farewell to Shinji, "I will ponder what you've told me. Tomorrow, or the day after, we will discuss it again. For now, give me time to place it in perspective, so that my advice is better considered." Bowing, she swept up her sword and hurried from the room.

Maya sat awkwardly for a moment, not certain of what to say with the tension she'd felt in the air. Reaching for a cooked piece of chicken, she plucked it from the plate and blew on it for a second, only to have Hikari take it from her grasp by mouth, "Oh! I…uh, I was-"

"Don't touch the blue plate," Shinji murmured. "That's for Nozomi-chan." _She loves her. She loves her a lot. Let her have the one she loves._

"So," Hikari asked in a forced bright tone, "I guess there's four of us now." Picking another chunk up, she blew on it and offered it to Maya, "It was inevitable, I guess."

Maya gasped, "But she's married! She-"

Silencing her would-be girlfriend via the expedient of stuffing the food she held into her mouth, Hikari sighed, "I meant that there are four of us who know of Shinji's past. Aunt Suzuka is many things, wanton is not one of them." Patting Shinji's back, she shifted towards the stove to lend her help, "Besides…there's only the three of us, now."

"Hikari," Shinji kept his hands busy, "Maya hasn't made up her mind. She doesn't know her own heart, and I promised her, and you, that I would wait for that before I made a decision. She might only view one of us as a friend, or she might not feel like she'd be welcomed in a relationship like ours. How you or I feel is only a part of everything."

"Wait," Maya waved her hands at chest level, "you're excluding Kodama? Just because Soryu-san doesn't like the idea?"

"Asuka doesn't know that Kodama was trying for my heart," he replied, his tone as numb as his mind. "This was-"

"Our decision," Hikari thumped his calf with her knee. "Not a decision that was made by any single individual, Shinji. We speak with one voice." Adding in the shredded seaweed, she looked over to Maya, "Shinji and I realized that there was no way that I could look at him the same way if I had to constantly compare myself to Kodama. It won't work if either of us begrudges the other, and once that bottle is opened there is no putting the cork back in it." Raising her eyebrow, she waited for Maya to nod before turning back to her task.

"So…I guess it's on all three of us." Maya set her hands between her thighs on the stool, rocking back and forth to the song Shinji was exuding as he unconsciously called upon the slain Angels within him, "I have to accept some of the blame for the lesson I imparted." Reaching over with one foot, she ran it up the back of Shinji's leg, "Could I ask your fiancé for a favor, Hikari?"

"He's your friend as well as mine," she shrugged. "I don't own him."

Smoothing her toes behind his knee, the scientist was fighting with the woman, "What did your voices say, before you snapped at them?"

"Nothing that I could verify the truth of," he answered evasively.

 _I had thought we had built up at least some trust,_ Dark said from her position on the central island behind him. _We were certainly moving in that direction, what happened?_

"You damn well know wh… _Fuck_ ," slamming the ladle he was using down, he spun around. "Can we do the trumpets? Something? Just enough that I have a second to orient myself to speaking to the voices in my head?" Glaring at the very feminine outline of his otherworldly guest, he worked his hands into fists, then relaxed them, a constant rhythm, "Or can you just speak out loud so that I don't have to hide things from the people I love?"

 _I would if I could,_ she sighed. _I am only perceptible to you, idiot. Unless you happen to have some spare etheric material to graft to the souls of these two, I'm stuck communicating with you and you alone. Now, please enlighten me: what did I do?_

 _Last night,_ he switched back to speaking mentally, _you came into my room and browbeat me with the reality that being with Kodama and Hikari would be a terrible idea. That it would slowly kill Hikari. Now? Now you say that I need Maya and Hikari. If Hikari can't handle another woman carrying my child, and I know that I can't handle forcing a child to accept that I've not married their mother, then you need to come to grips with the fact that I can't have both!_

 _What are you talking about, you confused little twit?_ Dark reached forward, grabbing his shirt and pulling him against her and the counter, _I didn't say one word to you until I showed up when you summoned me a short time ago. I certainly said nothing to you while you were in your bedchambers, that is your time with your spouse._ Resting her head against his, she hummed, _You do have memories of being spoken to…but it was not me speaking, as familiar as they may seem. Recall the sound of her voice, Shinji. Does mine sound like that?_

"A bit…." _Is there another? A third?_

 _Not that I'm aware of,_ Dark released him. _Just us, and her. Since 'Gentle' left, I don't have to invade your private time to keep her from fondling you inappropriately. That means I've been avoiding your bedroom and bathroom, so that you may engage in physical pleasures with the woman or women you've chosen to and not feel like you're being spied on. I'm not a voyeur. So who does that leave?_

"Damn it." Shinji let his head fall back, "Of course. Thank you, Dark. If you wouldn't mind…I'd like to talk to everyone here alone."

 _Exercise caution, Shinji._ Reaching out with a foot, she tapped his stomach with her toes, _If you have questions, call me again._

Shinji turned back to the stove as he felt her presence fade. Working his utensils slowly, he let his emotions roil for a time to burn them out. He felt Hikari's hand touch his back, a nervous set to her features, and Maya take up his other side, mirroring his fiancée gesture for gesture. "I can't trust them." Shaking his head, he sped up to a more normal pace, "I haven't heard Nyx outside of the LCL that often, if at all. But Dark is saying that last night…last night I heard one of them start talking to me about lying."

"Which started our conversation," Hikari surmised. "So Dark is saying it wasn't her?"

"And it wasn't this 'Nyx'," Maya added. "We've discussed before that you need to be in the LCL to talk to her."

"What if I don't?" Shinji shrugged. "What if I do? How do I know? The…part of me that can tell lies from truth, it gets a little confused around Nyx, and it can't tell the truth from the lie with Dark. If I accuse Nyx of something, and I'm wrong," he looked to Maya, "it goes poorly."

"Poorly how?" Forcing him to stop, she pushed him away from the stove to the center island, "Shinji, I need to know before I can help. Poorly how?"

Hikari took over cooking, "Focus on the conversation, Shinji. No distractions."

 _I'm drowning in irony._ "Three hundred and forty-three?" He waited for Maya's eyes to register the significance, "She jammed her hand inside of my ribcage, all because I used a name that she has serious problems with. She can cause my sync rate to climb dramatically. The more agitated she is, the higher my ratio."

"We can't… _I_ can't let you get back in there," Maya shook her head firmly. "No. You aren't getting back in Unit-01."

His mouth formed a hard line, "The Ninth Angel took three of us. The Tenth Angel took three of us, specifically to prevent even a near-miss turning Tokyo-3 into an extension of the Pacific Ocean, Ritsuko-san's words. The Twelfth…I won't let either of the others face it. You can't prevent me from getting back in Unit-01, Maya. Not and have a prayer of living past next week." Pointing to Hikari, he raised his eyebrow, "Tell me you are fine with letting her die because you refused to risk my life."

"It's not your life I'm risking, Shinji," she protested. "It's everyone's! We don't know what will happen if you decohere. With everything that's happened to you, the energy release may not be containable by Unit-01, by Tokyo-3, by the planet! You could set off an Impact level event, or you could just disappear forever, either way I'm not interested in seeing the result!"

"And by failing to destroy the Angels, I guarantee the same end." _Compared to telling Kodama 'No', this is simple._ He shook his head, "I'm fighting, that's the end of that discussion. I just need to be cautious around Nyx. She wants the Angels dead, so does Dark. So long as our goals align, things should be manageable. If I ask too many questions, or if I make accusations I can't back up, then we have problems. But I can't trust either of them until we know what I heard last night."

Hikari's voice was quiet as she asked the logical follow-on, "What did _your_ voices say, Maya? You asked because you heard something as well, so we may as well all try and figure this out together."

The mouse returned to the Major, her tone and posture crumpling inwards as the very real memory of the previous night and the voices rolled around in her mind, "Th-that…that you'd tell me this morning you wanted me…you wanted me gone."

 _We're all struggling._ "Never," putting his irritation aside, Shinji wrapped her in a hug. "You'll always have a home with us, Maya. I don't care what they say, I'm not keeping you around because they think it will help the future, I'm keeping you around because I care about you."

"We speak with one voice," Hikari put the finishing touches on the meals, determination burning within her to find a way to make her dreams come true. "You belong here, with us."

+++++ Author's Notes

Martial Arts Master: RE: Fun.

It's frustrating, time-consuming, maddening, but ultimately it's moving a lot of things in my head out into the world around me. I'd say that it's 'fun' in the sense that I'm happy that people are enjoying it. I have over one hundred people subscribed, which to me is insane. I certainly never anticipated more than a dozen, if that.

SK: RE: The old story.

Once I finished massaging the opening scene with Rei and Shinji inside of Leliel, I had a sad smile on my face for at least a day. I was so unbelievably proud of the emotions I managed to evoke from them, and still consider it some of my finest literary work.

origamishishou: RE: The old story.

I may, at some point, revisit it. I'd need to edit out a great deal to post it here, as I was a great deal more explicit in the intimate scenes. The story was an exploration of physical romance as much as emotional, and how the two become so intertwined at times that it is hard to tell them apart from inside of the bonds.


	65. Chapter 65

+++++ 8th Angel + 2: Monday (53)

"Either she went out through her window to go to work," Shinji sighed as they reached the classroom door, "or she left the house while we were in the bath." Sliding the door open for his fiancée, he shook his head in irritation, "Kodama isn't making things any easier." Looking into the class, he saw his EA sitting in his desk looking back at him with a calm smile, and his homeroom teacher nearby having cut off mid-explanation.

"Kelly-san," Hikari's brow furrowed as she tried to recall if they'd discussed something with the woman needing her to show up in school, "we weren't expecting you. Good morning, sensei," she bowed in greeting to her teacher, who waved off the attention and directed her back to their guest.

"I needed some paperwork signed," the naval Lieutenant shrugged. "I also wanted to meet the teachers, staff, and such. Part of my work with your husband-to-be is public affairs, and I need to gather information in order to do that job better. Building bridges, stuff like that." Standing from Shinji's chair, she laughed as she extended him a hardbacked folder with a pen, "It was easy to find which seat was yours, sir."

Flipping through the paperwork, Shinji noted that it was the proposal for switching the shifts around, "Where am I signing?" Shaking his head, he frowned, "Wait, I thought we agreed to use each other's names?"

"When we're in private, or in a conference of peers," she agreed as she tapped the spot where she needed his signature. "I'm at work, you're at school, I'm already making a bit of a compromise by not calling you My Lord. You do have a rank, and a title, and by training and your right to the honor in them I should use either of those. 'Sir' is a touch informal, enough that I can get away with it by claiming it to be your preference. Since I'm bringing you a report, I should use your official title as it's an official report."

Reading that all he was signing was that he had received a report from Yasuji Suzuhara, had requested a formal memorandum, and was deputizing his EA to discuss the idea with Misato, Shinji nodded to her logic. _She has more, and better, training on this than I do. I have to trust her._ Stolidly reading back through the proposal twice, he confirmed that there wasn't anything that they hadn't already discussed in Sakura's hospital room, "How many people are in his unit?" He made a quick count of the signatures.

"Two hundred and thirty-five," Kelly grinned as she winked at Hikari. "The four missing signatures were absent with injuries, and may not be returning to the unit. It's a universally lauded plan."

Hikari beamed with pleasure at seeing Shinji taking his duties seriously, "This is good news. Hopefully Misato-san will be amenable to the changes. If it improves quality of life, I don't see why she'd be against it."

"Because it could have a ripple effect and impact readiness," Shinji murmured, recounting the signatures. "NERV is a giant machine, and while this cog may not move the entire engine, it is still a part of that engine." He looked up to the dedicated naval officer, "Two of these names are signed by the same person." Holding his thumb on one, he tapped the other on the following page, "Someone signed for someone else. I can't put that forward to the Sub-Commander, she'd pick up on it in a heartbeat."

"They did?" Kelly swung around so that she was looking around his arm, "Are you sure? I'm sorry, my understanding of Japanese isn't so good as to include signature analysis." Compressing her lips as she looked between the two, she nodded slowly, "They do look similar though."

"That our dear Ikari-san studies Graphology isn't surprising," his homeroom teacher wrinkled her nose blissfully, "he is a man of many talents. We only wish that your organization would allow him more time to participate in peer-group activities, so that we could better build his résumé for when he graduates at the end of the year." She lifted one hand slightly, "If it would help, I would be glad to offer a second set of eyes. I have some experience in telling when one student has been doing another's work for them."

"Please, sensei," Shinji offered the papers over with a short bow. "I might be making something of nothing."

The teacher dropped her glasses into place, assuming a fixed expression as she looked between the two cautiously, "No. No, this is the same hand. I would place money on it being a younger lady, despite the androgyny of both names, and a recent graduate." Holding up her own hand, she smiled as she returned the forms, "Age has a way of altering your signature, the strokes becoming less precise with time."

"Would you please ask Suzuhara-san to find the employees, Lieutenant?" _If we have to use ranks, we use ranks._ "We need an explanation for this before we can proceed. If it's perfectly reasonable, we can probably salvage the paperwork without having two hundred people resign, right?"

"Even if it isn't, we can just strike the names and attach an addendum. I'll bring these back for your signature once we have answers." Pulling out the next bundle, Lieutenant Chambers offered it to Hikari first, "Before he signs it, I thought you might like to approve, ma'am. The look of excitement on the little one's face is darling."

"Oh," Hikari's smile grew as she recognized the event depicted in the picture, "this is what kept you the day of the attack." Her eyes sparkled slightly, "You had an honest smile on. She'll adore this."

"Yumi Habu," Kelly identified the little girl. "With your signature, we'll pass it on to Nozomi to give to her later today."

"This too," Shinji set his satchel down on his desk, pulling out the recipe he'd mentioned during their conversation. "I copied it down and added some more details for her, to help her understand why certain things are done the way they are. I had anticipated coming in to work today to deliver it." Taking the photo from Hikari with a nod of thanks, he set it down and accepted a soft tip silvery brush-pen from his EA, "This feels so…surreal. That anyone would want something I signed is just baffling to me." With a signature and a wish of good fortune, he handed them back to his aide, "Thank you for bringing this to me today, Lieutenant. I'm very sorry that you had to go out of your way."

"Part of my duty, sir," she smiled pleasantly. "One of the better parts, if I'm being completely honest." Placing everything in her binder, she bowed to the homeroom teacher as the first of the students began to filter in, "Thank you for allowing me to see where he spends his day, sensei. If you decide to go ahead with your plan, let me know. I'd be glad to present a lesson on the subject."

Shinji's question regarding what lesson she'd be giving was cut off by his phone chirping out the 'Katsuragi Signal'. "It's not the emergency one," he stated quickly, pulling out his phone and striking the answer button, "This is Shinji."

Misato's voice seemed troubled, "Hey I'm sorry to bother you before school, you all right?"

"I'm standing in my classroom so…I guess?" He frowned, nodding in greeting to several students as he moved back into the hall to avoid being rude to his teacher or his fellows, "Why?"

There was a pregnant pause before she replied, "I have a relocation request for one Kodama Horaki sitting in front of me. Any insight on this?"

A million impulses competed to be the one who succeeded in driving him towards an end. Crying, silence, anger at not being allowed to explain himself. Standing at the grand hallway windows, he looked out at the sea of students flooding into the building. _They have hope. Each of them, they see each new day as a potential for something good to happen. Or at least, another day on the path towards a future that they don't understand. There's confusion. Chaos. An infinite number of paths stretching out for them to walk upon. They look to me…what is it they see? What is my duty to them, in this moment?_

"Shinji?" Misato's tone softened, "Shinji, is it bad?"

"I'm very sorry, but I have to go into my class now." _I don't belong to myself. When did I forget that? I don't exist for me. I exist for all of creation._ "She's free to do what she wants. That's why I fight, isn't it? So that everyone else can have the future they choose. We'll talk later, Sub-Commander." Switching off his phone, he looked to Akane, "What are the chances of rain? I'm hoping that gym will have a track day today."

"Clear skies as far as the eyes can see," the agent responded guardedly. "Kid, you look a little shaken. We needing to pull out?"

"I'll be fine, Akane-san," he offered a smile and a small wave to several more of the passing students who greeted him warmly. "I have no choice but to be. Excuse me." Turning back into his classroom, he took his seat without further disruption, giving the 'later' gesture to Hikari.

Mikoto spoke quietly into her throat mic to avoid others hearing, "When did he learn to lie when he smiled?"

"When did he learn to lie at all?" Akane's bearing became grim, "Ok, folks. You know the drill. He's hurt, we keep the rabble at bay. Samuels, I want you to find his gym teacher and tell him it's track and field today. I don't care what he had planned, the kid wants to run." Watching her principle sitting calmly in class, she wondered exactly what would cause him to switch off to that degree.

+++++ 8th Angel + 2: Monday (53)

Hikari walked alongside Rei, who was assigned by the coach to act as her health-minder while Shinji broke the school records in long-distance running. "It is complicated, Rei-chan," _Which is underselling the point_ , "you know how Shinji feels responsible for everything under the sun. We've made the decision to not allow certain things in our house, and it is going to upset my sister greatly. Whatever the call was this morning, and he hasn't told me anything either, it didn't help."

"Which of your siblings?" Rei's eyes landed on another young woman who thought to approach too close to 'overhear' things, driving them away as many others before them. "I would presume your elder sister, as any damage or suffering on the part of your younger sister would cause a much different reaction in him. He views her in much the same way I once felt Gendo Ikari viewed me. Only, Shinji's desire for her wellbeing is pure and just."

"It is Kodama," Hikari nodded. "If it's this bad now, I'm guessing that tonight is going to be worse. He would have told me if he didn't think it would have distracted the entire class…I hope."

"You hide your agitation well." Intending the statement as a compliment, she offered a small smile that her Class Rep had begun to discern meant the bluenette was genuinely pleased, "It is a skill few seem to bother learning, though I have found it immensely useful in my short life."

Watching as Shinji flew past them again, another lap completed, the freckle-faced beauty grimaced at how dead he appeared beneath the mask he'd found within himself, "Stoicism has its utility. But it isn't something you should practice to the exclusion of all else, Rei-chan. If you don't have moments where you can allow your emotions to run freely you'll eventually collapse or explode."

"If I were to continue making informed surmises," her walking partner deliberately side-stepped the implicit criticism, "I would say that he has chosen not to pursue the affections of your elder sibling. And that she has reacted poorly to this rejection, perhaps to the point that violence was engaged? I do not intend offense when I say that she does not seem the type to have adequate control over her emotions."

With a sigh, she admitted she'd lost the point, "Touché."

"Ce n'est pas une competition," Rei frowned. "Or do I not properly understand your reference?"

"You made an excellent counterpoint to my not all that subtle urge that you express yourself," Hikari smiled wanly. "The opposite is just as terrible, and allowing everything around you to drive you to wild emotional swings hurts yourself and everyone around you. Maybe we could take some of your stoicism and give it to Kodama, and take some of her emotional freedom and give it to you?"

"I do not believe that would be ideal," Rei blushed. "Society takes a dim view on relationships of that kind."

The whistle blowing cut off Hikari's curiosity, as the number of students around them increased to the point that any question she asked would be far too private for how public they were. Accepting Rei's help in stretching out, she kept her eyes on Shinji, who had to have the instructor help him due to the now vast size difference between him and every other male student. As she tended to, she tuned out a number of conversations around her to avoid prying. Though one instantly drew her attention.

"I'm just saying, if he's not happy with her it's her fault," one of her classmates wasn't that shy about being overheard. "He clearly spent all day keeping her at a distance, so she had to have done something to earn that. He's devoted, and he's always been forthright about how he feels."

Her partner clicked her tongue, "Do you think they might call off the engagement? He's always been so open, it's why he's cute. Like this big puppy that just wants to share everything with everyone. If he's suddenly this cold? Someone hurt him, and the most likely culprit is the one closest to him."

 _Bloody vultures._ Hikari kept her own mask in place, ignoring the misaimed slings and arrows. "Rei-chan," she smiled in amusement when the girl before her seemed instantly ready to act, "would you be so kind as to go fetch my fiancée? I think I might have turned my ankle worse than we thought, and would like him to carry me."

Vermillion eyes narrowed a touch, then widened as she gathered what was happening, "Of course, Hikari-san." Easing her to the ground, Rei turned and dashed over to Shinji, presenting herself with an air of official standing.

Pleased when her life's heart immediately looked worried, then apologized to the teacher before hurrying over himself, she played up the injury, "I'm very sorry, my love. I know that with everything happening the last thing you wanted was another millstone. I stepped on the edge of the track, it was careless of me, I should have been paying closer attention to where I was going."

"Millstone?" Shinji snorted, "Hikari, you know better than that. It's not your fault that…things went sideways. If you were hurt, you should have mentioned it sooner, I'll get you to Maya, or ask for a visit from Temple-san." Sliding one giant arm beneath her legs, and snaking the other under her shoulders, he lifted her from the ground as if she was no more than a piece of paper in mass. Turning to face his wingman, he offered her a genuine smile, "Thank you, Rei. I know you blame yourself…like I do every time something happens, this isn't your fault. Ok? Accidents happen, and you were there when she needed you. Why don't you maybe come over for dinner again…perhaps Wednesday?"

"Bring Pen-Pen," Hikari winked at her co-conspirator. "Nozomi-chan loves him, and it would help with everything."

"If that is what you wish," Rei inclined her shoulders slightly to the pair, smiling up at her friends. "I would like it if we could try a hot salad?"

"Absolutely," Shinji beamed, his happiness at bringing a smile to Rei shining through to both women. "I'll look up some recipes, run them by you tomorrow." Looking back to his fiancée, he tilted his head, "Do you mind if I ask Akane or Mikoto to grab your things? I'd rather just take you straight to the car. We can…uhm," he lowered his voice, "we can use the showers at work."

Reaching up to stroke his cheek, she gave him her warmest smile and played to the crowd, "Whatever you feel best. I trust you completely."

"I will procure her belongings," Rei offered. "The Section Two staff may not be familiar with the layout of the lockers and would postpone your departure. Let us hurry, as we do not wish to delay treatment."

"Thanks, Rei," Shinji held his pace to hers.

Watching back over Shinji's shoulder, Hikari allowed herself a moment of weakness and stuck her tongue out at the two girls that had been sniping at her. _He's mine. He is so dedicated to me that he's willing to endure pain beyond measure to be with me. Whatever you think you know, little girls, you know less than a fraction of the truth._

+++++ 8th Angel + 2: Monday (53)

"Not one word I said was a lie," Hikari stated primly. "I stepped on the edge of the track, it was careless, and I need to watch where I'm going." Seated in the back of the sedan, she spread her hands, "Where in that did I lie?"

"You had Rei lie for you," Shinji glowered. "I was worried that you were honestly hurt."

"I was," she snapped. "I was sitting there listening to two little…two students assuming that I was the reason you were so upset all day. That we were going to call off the engagement, that you could do better than me, that-" Clacking her teeth together, she looked out the window on her side of the vehicle. Fresh wounds mixed together and explained the rest of her position in her song and body language.

Sighing, he admitted to himself that his anger might have been misplaced, "I'm-"

"Finish that statement," Hikari whispered hotly, "and I will start to spank you so hard they'll need to pull the car over to pull me off you. This is _not_ your fault."

"I can still be sorry that you are hurting," reaching over, he touched her wrist. "I don't always apologize because I think what I did was wrong anymore. Sometimes I apologize because I wish there was more I could do to help the people I care about."

"That's odd," Akane's statement drew both passenger's eyes forward as the car swiftly came to a halt. "Miki?"

"On it," hopping out of the car, the other agent dashed up to the house and the moving truck that was parked right before the front door.

"Kodama's moving out," Shinji let his head hit the back of the seat before him, sitting with defeat written all over him. "That's what Misato's call earlier today was. She had a relocation request from Kodama, and was calling to see what was going on."

"And you…." Hikari stopped her angry twitch dead before continuing calmly, "You considered what everyone around us would think if you received a phone call, pulled me out into the hall, and I ran off to go beat my sister senseless. You had hope that she'd at least talk to us before actually moving forward." Closing her eyes, she sat back and mentally counted prime numbers.

"She's not on premises," Akane reported after receiving an update over her earpiece. "Haraldson-san is overseeing the move."

Shinji's door opened, revealing Suzuka. "My friend, I believe we need to speak."

+++++ 8th Angel + 2: Monday (53)

"And _I'm_ the fucking child?!" Pointing at Idunn, she set the tall redhead back a step, "And you. Call my husband a child again and there won't be a hole deep enough to hide your ass in where I won't find you. He stopped being a child the minute he entered a colossal robot and fought an alien trying to murder the planet." Turning back away, she resumed stalking back and forth across the carpet, "I have never, _never_ , been more profoundly disappointed in my sister than I am right now. Yes, she can be, and has been, a massive bitch. But this? This transcends bitch. This is…this is like that stupid anime about power levels. This is Super Bitch. This is Super Bitch Third Grade! All of the bitch and none of the mobility."

Hearing Hikari swear violently was sort of like he would expect hearing Nozomi flirt with a lobster to feel. It was a bizarre, distinctly surreal, experience that he couldn't adequately quantify. To a degree, it was good that she was exuding nothing but anger. It meant that he didn't have to, wouldn't have to. He could sit there and let her do the job far better, while he tried to corral his thoughts on the matter.

"What does she think we're going to tell Nozomi? Is she going to come back and explain this, or is she just dumping that in our lap like everything else?" Her eyes went directly over Suzuka, a clear indication that she was still in control of her anger despite her vehemence, "Just, 'Oh, I'm sorry Nozomi-chan. But your big sister is a thunder cunt and doesn't want to live here anymore. We realize that Daddy died less than a month ago, but you'll just have to suck up and deal with another loss. Because fuck you.' I cannot believe she's doing this to us."

"Every choice has a cost," Shinji stated, his voice dead and numb. "Every time we choose a path, we close off countless others." His eyes moved slightly, enough to indicate he was speaking to someone in particular, "Will she be safe?"

"She's moving to an apartment near Colonel Katsuragi," Idunn offered, hoping to steer the conversation back towards something less destructive on the young man she cared about. "To be frank, it's where most of us live. If she can't be safe there, that's on her, not you."

"She's still my responsib-"

"The _fuck_ she is!" Hikari spun around, her fists on her hips and her shoulders cocked forward, "She cuts us off like this, and you think I'm going to allow you to continue to hurt and bleed over her? She's changed jobs, houses, I wouldn't be shocked if she chooses a different last name! She wants to run away from us? From everything? Fine. But she is not going to linger about our lives like some youkai of wrongdoings!"

"Nozomi is inside the gate," Idunn stated quietly, looking down at her phone. "Just…letting you know."

Shinji moved to stand, "I'll-"

"Sit your ass down and let me handle this," Hikari snapped. "At least one of her sisters is going to be worthy of the damn title."

Unnoticed by Hikari, Shinji felt Suzuka's sword tap his shin. Looking down at his lap, he let his eyes move over enough to see the willowy swordswoman shake her head slightly in a clear sign, _Don't challenge her right now. She isn't in the right frame of mind to compromise._ _Pick your battles._ "I'll start on dinner." Standing, he took control of what he could do to help, "Something simple, that will keep for a bit in case…."

"I believe that's wise," Suzuka stood with him. "If it does not run counter to your wishes, Hikari-chan, I'll help him in the kitchen."

Hikari's eyes never left the front door, "That would be best. I'd like this to be a private conversation between sisters."

Following Shinji to the kitchen, Idunn waited until they were all well out of ear-shot before speaking, "I'm going to go work on a new schedule. I'll need to assign agents to cover her discretely, and that's a much different assignment than what we've had running currently. Don't worry, Shinji," her eyes conveyed a dim hope that he wasn't also angry, "I'll make sure she's safe."

"I know you will." Pausing, he turned and gently gripped the side of the redheaded agent's neck with one great hand, "I don't blame you, Idunn. We all make choices. Your advice…it was just that. The responsibility for the choices made rests with those who make them. Leadership…right?"

"I hate this, Shinji." Reaching up, she smiled sadly and held his wrist, "I hate every bit of this." Her phone buzzed, and she grimaced, taking his hand away, "I'll see you later. Give you what details I can about Kodama's guard details to help put you at ease."

"Agent," Suzuka called out sharply. When the woman looked warily to the warrior, she saw serenity, "Thank you for not forsaking duty when reason fails. We will assist you in providing security for her in those places we gather. Be about your tasks."

Idunn smirked contritely, then left without another word to sneak back out of the house without drawing Hikari's wrath.

Shinji stood with the refrigerator open, trying to piece together a meal alongside his thoughts. He heard Nozomi enter the house, and Hikari take her to their room. He heard the door shut gently. He heard the songs from within the room shift, Hikari's from anger to lament, Nozomi's from curiosity to fear and pain. "I am sorry, Suzuka."

"As am I, Shinji." She set her sword down with an audible clack, "As am I."

+++++ 8th Angel + 2: Monday (53)

Sitting on the couch, sharpening his knife, Shinji waited for the day to end. Dinner sat, uneaten. Suzuka was nearby, slowly polishing her own preferred weapon. Inside of his room, his fiancée and the small bright hope of the house continued to sequester themselves away from anyone else. It had been hours since either he or his guest had spoken, hours since they'd taken to occupying themselves in a manner that wouldn't force them to find something to say. He knew that the woman had stayed for him, and was grateful for that fact, but he wished that he had a better idea of what to do.

"…I'm sorry for bothering you," Maya's voice swam into the house gently from the front door.

' _No, no, Shinji. You're supposed to say, 'I'm home'. This is your home now.'_ Sheathing his knife, he set the blade down on the coffee table. The first sob came as a shock to him, though his guest was swift to move to his side and embrace him. Burying his face in his hands as the second tore free, he shuddered, trying desperately to force it back inside of his chest. As the river began to flow outward, he kept his shame hidden from the world around him.

Suzuka's voice sounded calm and cold, her words aimed away from him towards the most recent entrant, "Do you intend to distance yourself from them now, as well? Is your strength no longer his?"

Maya hurried over, her steps louder than her weight would indicate to his mind, "Oh…oh no, I-I didn't mean…." Hugging him tightly from the opposite side, she pled for mercy, "I was on the phone! I came in the house just as I ended the conversation, I was apologizing to the engineering team! They're putting the finishing touches on the new sniper rifle, and they wanted to have Unit-01 test it tonight. I told them it would have to wait, as there was a family crisis. I didn't mean it like that! I'm home, Shinji. This is my home!"

His tears would not be stopped. _I caused this. I caused all of this. You did it for her. And now she's all yours. Keep going, push the other one away._

"Even if we don't work out," Maya stroked her hand along his neck and back, "friends, right? Always friends. My big, fuzzy, pup! I can't just abandon him, that'd be unthinkable!"

"Do not make promises you cannot maintain," Suzuka sighed, continuing her gentle hold on his side. "The burden their failures carry is more than any man should bear, much less one such as he."

 _I could have stayed with Misato. I could have accepted less. Quiet, placid, I wouldn't have caused their father to die! I wouldn't have caused their sister to leave! I could have taken all of this on myself, but I chose this._ Coughing in a breath, he tried to summon more air to stop himself from, in his mind, bawling like a child. "I c-caused this." _You're doing fine. Keep going._

"By choosing what you felt to be the greater good?" Suzuka sounded dubious, "I do not believe that the fault lies with you."

"Shinji, you can't just take the blame for everything. You know better than that," Maya tried to encourage him. "Everyone has their own choices to make, just because she chose to do this doesn't mean it was your fault. What were your options? Let Hikari suffer so that her sister didn't have to? That'd just mean more suffering in the end!"

He shook his head, "I c-came b-back."

"That wasn't your choice either," she argued quickly. "You were brought back. You tried to make things better, it isn't your fault that the world keeps mauling you." Shifting to the table, she pushed his knife away and forced him to look at her, "Look at me, Shinji. I'm in a home!" Gesturing around them, she smiled, "I have a room bigger than my old apartment! I have friends, I have _family!_ I get to wake up every morning and watch Nozomi-chan grow. I get to eat healthier, I mean…I've lost five kilos!" Turning sideways, she lifted up her shirt to show her waistline, "See? Without all that junk food, I'm back down to what I was before college!"

Suzuka picked up on Maya's intent, and moved to back her play, "My husband and I have been beyond pleased to know you, Shinji. From your own words, we were never gifted the opportunity the first time." Laying her hand on his knee, she leaned into his line of sight, "You focus to quickly on the unlucky ills of your life, think instead of the joy you've brought to others. To us."

"Your class grades have gone up," Maya enthused. "Lieutenant Chambers reported just today that the average grade increase is six points, everyone has improved because you've been there." She kept her smile locked in, "You can't push away the praise to wallow in the mud. You brought hope to Sakura Suzuhara, a girl that in your world likely never walked again. It doesn't matter that her brother chose to act like an idiot, it matters that you tried to stop him from being punished! It isn't _your_ choices that caused this, Shinji. It's other people choosing to be terrible."

"If including her sister in your life as a lover would cause damage to Hikari-chan," Suzuka nodded, "then this was the choice a true husband would make. You prioritized your spouse over your family, there is no honor lost in that." She kept searching his eyes, "I do not see a bad man before me. I do not see the impetus of Toshiro Horaki's demise. I do not see the source of Toji Suzuhara's banishment. I see a man who fights for others, even those who refuse to fight for themselves."

"You know when we're lying," Maya tugged her shirt the rest of the way out of her pants to leave it hanging loosely over her hips, sitting appealingly before him. "Suzuka-san isn't lying, and you tell me you value her advice. I'm not lying either." Tilting her head slightly, she sulked cutely, "Am I?"

"The truth…is never simple," Shinji swallowed, pushing his tears down. "Th-there are…lies even within truths."

"Not all truths are subjective," Suzuka disagreed. "If I were to drop my sword," holding the blade over Maya's head, "what would happen?"

"I'd c-catch it," he frowned.

"Because it would fall," Maya moved to support Suzuka's thesis. "None of us would reasonably argue that it would float, or fly up to the ceiling. There are objective truths. Gravity is just an example of one, there are objective truths about feelings too."

"Were Hikari-chan to die," Suzuka returned her sword to the table behind her, "we would all be sad. That is objectively true, and very simple. I do not believe Maya-chan to be the kind of woman to thrill at suddenly having your affections all to herself. You could easily attempt to insert lies into truths, but you cannot do that without supposing the feelings of other people."

"I should h-have stopped th-this," _it has to be my fault. It has to. Because it is. You did this._

"You?" Maya sighed, "No. Me? Yes. Shinji, you couldn't say 'No' to anyone. That you can _now_ is impressive. But you knew what would happen at Mount Asama, and you still didn't say 'No' to anyone! You talked around it, you pointed out flaws, but never once did you say, 'We aren't going to engage in suicidal idiocy'. I should have taken Hikari aside and explained to her all of this, much earlier."

" _We_ should have," Suzuka added with a whisper. "I had a fool's hope, and the price is being paid for it." Looking back towards the room where her nieces sat, she grimaced, "In underestimating your strength, my friend, I overestimated Hikari-chan's." Her eyes trailed back to him, "You would have happily suffered any injustice, wouldn't you have? If this would not have hurt her, if the only pain were your own…."

The Major's eyes grew pained, "I should step aside myself."

 _Let her._ "Hikari d-doesn't want you t-to," Shinji shook his head. "It's d-different." _Let. Her._

"It isn't a competition like with Kodama-chan," Suzuka snorted. "She accepts that Maya-chan outstrips her intellectually, though that may be temporary. She even accepts that you have a few things she does not," looking over to the smaller woman, she tilted her head towards Shinji, "but she cares for you as she does him. If not quite as deeply." Her eyes grew sad, "She's more like her mother in that regard than her sister could ever be."

Maya's brow knit, "Like her mother?"

"It is a tale I have not even told to them," the willowy swordswoman looked over towards the master bedroom. "Though one who's time may have come."

Shinji's phone rang, startling his housemate and earning a wry look from his guest. Pulling it from his back pocket, he hesitated as he recognized the ringtone. "It's…Kodama."

"Maybe now isn't-" Maya stopped as Shinji pressed answer and held the device to his ear.

Taking a deep breath, he tried to steady his voice, "Hello…this is Shinji speaking."

"Hey Baby," the voice coming through the phone conveyed every ounce of seduction she could muster. "I'm really sorry that I had to hurt you like this."

Closing his eyes, he sought mastery of self amongst the chaotic whorl of emotions, "Wh-why didn't-"

Her tone whipsawed towards wrathful, "Because my mother's daughter pushed you to deny yourself my company just as you were breaking through your hang-ups." Following a brief pause, where she audibly took control of herself, she was once more the charming woman he had come to know, "She can't handle us being together around her? That's fine. I'll make a nice home away from home for you, here. A place you can escape her when she becomes too domineering. You see, I don't mind that you live with her, Baby. I don't mind sharing you. You're just honoring your word."

"K-Kodama…I d-don't-"

"Shh, shh, shh. I know, she's in the room with you. Don't worry, I haven't forgotten about your promise. I know you'll give me my two favors, just maybe not when she's around. I have a lot to do myself, so I just wanted to give you a call and wish you sweet dreams. I know you'll dream of me, Baby…I'll be dreaming of you." The wet sound of a sloppy kiss, "Good night!"

"Kodama!" Frowning at the phone, he saw the 'call disconnected' display as a wretched curse. _She left because she blames Hikari? She thinks this is her decision alone?!_ "She…she thinks…." _Am I causing everyone to become insane? Is my presence causing this? …Was everyone crazy to start with?_ His tears burned on his cheeks, sadness and sorrow no longer holding sway over his heart. _I wept because I was the one that hurt her._ The sound of something shattering as his hands clenched registered dimly. _I was sobbing like a broken child because I made a choice, and it wasn't her._ His nails dug into his palms, his lip twitching violently. _She doesn't listen. She thinks my love is nothing more than…than lust?_

Standing, he failed to hear Maya's repeated calls for him to let go of the broken husk of his work phone. When he unclenched his hands, the remains fell to the floor and scattered. Moving towards the basement, he kept his hands slowly working. _Do I love her? Yes. Do I love her enough to hurt Hikari? I don't love_ anyone _enough to hurt Hikari._ As he reached the heavy bag in the gym, he stared at the embroidered 'Unit-01'. _I couldn't spit it out. I froze._ Pulling his fist back, he unleashed a devastating straight punch into the side of his target, sending it shuddering away from him. _I stammered._ Another punch, with his left this time. _She thinks I'm going to visit her._ His third punch caused the joist holding the bag to creak. _That I'll visit her to fuck like she's nothing more than a…. Like I'm just an animal! Does she honestly think so little of me?!_

Grabbing the bag along the top and bottom, he ripped it free from the chain and slammed it to the ground. Mounting it as he roared words he'd never remember uttering, he rained punches down upon its length. While the material was crafted to meet the needs of 'as hard as he could punch', the tests had been performed when he was under nominal control. Disgust, with himself above all else, now flooded his brain. He had been given a chance to address the situation, to tell her that he would not engage in such acts with her. He had failed. There was no hiding from it, no spinning it to be a positive. He had said three words, and they weren't 'I will not'. The ruined husk of his emotional outlet was no longer fit to restrain his rage. The flooring beneath soon became his target. It wasn't enough. It would _never_ be enough. The room would not contain him. The world would not contain him. He existed as rage. He was destruction made flesh. He was the herald of the coming age. He was-

" _Nii-san!_ "

The broken cry froze him, his fist raised by his eyes. He couldn't move, couldn't breathe. As the fog lifted from his eyes, he began to search for a memory. For the last thing he remembered before hearing that word.

"Nii-san," now before him stood a tiny, precious, being. "Nii-san, it's ok. It was an accident. Remember? We forgive family for accidents." Reaching up, she took his fist and tugged it down to hold before him, "You need to stop hurting yourself. Please, Nii-san, don't hurt yourself."

Drenched in blood and various bits of debris, his hand was clearly not in top shape. His eyes were wide, his nostrils flared. Somewhere along the way his hairband had broken, and his hair was now draped down along the side of his face. His neck creaked as he looked along the length of the arm now attached to the one being he'd never dream of being cross with. His sleeve was in tatters, the limb beneath cut and abraded. "N-Nozomi?"

"It's me," she smiled, a terrified, fragile, smile. "Please, Nii-san, come upstairs. Let Maya-nee-san help. She can fix it."

Letting her pull him around, he saw the shattered remnants of his basement. Two of the exercise bikes were broken, another used as a projectile to impale the last into the wall. The mirrors along the wall were destroyed, glass scattered liberally along the floor. The televisions had fallen from their mounts, or been knocked from them, he couldn't be certain which. The weights, the laundry machines, the mats, the padded walls, there was nothing that had been spared. "I…I did this?"

"Nozomi-chan!" Hikari reached the base of the stairs, taking in the scene, "You…."

"Nii-san needs help," the little lady of the house was picking her way carefully through the wreckage, towing the center of her universe along the path she blazed. "He's bleeding, and he hurts." Making a startled cry as she was lifted off the ground, she quickly latched onto Shinji's neck when he held her close to his torso, "You three were arguing over stuff, and that meant it was up to me to make him stop hurting himself."

 _It was up to the bravest little girl I've ever known to stop a tornado made flesh._ "Don't come," he held his free hand out to Hikari as she went to approach. "Just…let me get over there."

"Shinji," she winced in sympathetic pain, "you're barefoot and walking on glass."

"If Nozomi-chan can do it," he forced his voice to remain gentle, "I can do no less." There was no pain, but he could tell he'd done damage, that he was continuing to do damage, "I scared my imōto, and that was very wrong of me. I can't let her nee-san hurt herself trying to save me from my own stupidity." He clutched the little girl he loved tightly to him, "I was not a good nii-san today."

+++++ 8th Angel + 2: Monday (53)

"She snuck past," Suzuka worked a shard of glass free from his foot, as he sat on a stool in the kitchen near two heavy trash bags. "I caught Hikari-chan, stopped her from investigating."

"Who then slapped Suzuka-san," Maya rinsed more blood from his hand in search of the extent of the damage. "I tried to step in," she smiled sadly, "I won't repeat what your fiancée said." Sluicing water down his arm, she gently scrubbed at the mess, "She did, however, accuse me of not loving you."

"I would not allow her to risk herself," his friend grimaced as she pulled a large segment of wood out of the webbing between his toes. "You had moved to direct your madness somewhere that would do no harm to life, only property would suffer. If you were so far gone that you couldn't answer her questions, there was no reason to place her in harm's path. It was not for lack of desire to be by your side that she remained upstairs, my friend."

"I have it," Hikari announced as she entered the kitchen, setting down the enormous first aid kit from the emergency supplies atop the central island. "We got lucky, the dryer absorbed most of the impact, the exterior case of the kit spared the contents from any residual damage." Turning back, she lifted Nozomi up onto the counter next to the box, "Ok, Sprout. I need you to find the antiseptic gel."

"Hai," going right to work, the littlest Horaki carefully sifted through the supplies.

Suzuka kept her words non-judgmental as Hikari moved to aid Maya, "The little one clearly chose herself to assist you, assuming the three of us too occupied with our own anger. It wasn't until we heard her yell for you that Hikari-chan realized Nozomi-chan had moved from her place on the sofa."

"My Nii-san was hurting," Nozomi's voice trembled slightly, her eyes focused on the duty she'd been given. "Kodama-nee-san made Nii-san super angry, and he was never taught how to be angry. He is learning, but I couldn't let him hurt himself like that. Daddy wouldn't want us to stand by and let him hurt himself learning how to be angry."

"Just so," Hikari soothed Nozomi's back. "You were a good imōto today, just…please don't do this again. Next time, I give you permission to spank me until I pay attention."

"Nii-san would never hurt me," the little lady of the house scowled at her sister. "I wasn't in danger from him."

"But you are not large enough to carry him," Suzuka stepped into the pause to continue settling tempers. "If he was too damaged to carry you, you would need our help to move him. So please, should this need repeating…seek your elders first, Nozomi-chan."

"I won't be doing this again," Shinji spoke harshly. "This was stupid. Asinine. Childish."

"It was inevitable," Maya located a fragment of mirror in the side of his elbow. "We've all been walking a fine line between sanity and madness. Whatever it was that you heard on the phone, it tipped you over. You've been containing your anger for…quite some time. Eventually, it won't be contained."

"Then I need to work harder," he croaked. "I will not allow my weakness to terrorize Nozomi-chan. This is her home. This is where she is supposed to be safest."

"I'm safe wherever you are, nii-san," turning about carefully, Nozomi presented the gel spray to Maya. "Family risks everything to help family. Otherwise, you're not really family." There was something in her eyes that begged for him to understand, to see that she wanted desperately for him to be family. "I know you won't hurt me."

"At least not physically," Shinji sighed. "Your nii-san is an idiot sometimes, Nozomi-chan. I can never apologize enough for losing my temper tonight. I'm sorry that you had to see me…do something so selfish."

"I forgive you for losing your temper," Nozomi smiled happily. "Thank you for apologizing to me. See? You're learning how to be family. You apologized for what you did wrong, and you accept my forgiveness…right?"

He couldn't crush her hope, though he had to lie to her, if only obliquely, "I'm a lucky man to have such a wonderful family."

"Nozomi-chan," Suzuka held out her hand, "I need the tweezers. The large plastic ones, there."

"Normally," Maya helped move the conversation away from troubled waters, "I'd recommend we go into NERV. Right now, though, you're healing far too fast for the trip to be worthwhile. We're better off putting antiseptic on the wounds, cleaning out the major sites, and dumping you in the shower to wash off the blood." Looking up at him, she tilted her head, "If you don't mind, I'll pull some blood work in the morning before school, if you still want to go. If you start showing signs of infection, we'll run a course of antibiotics."

"He doesn't mind," Hikari stated firmly. "We are not going to patch him back together only to let microbial life eat him from the inside." Turning her frown on him, she demonstrated clearly that she wouldn't accept him saying 'everything was fine'.

' _A place you can escape her when she becomes too domineering'._ "It's a good idea, Maya." _Hikari isn't domineering. She knows better than I do what's best. I trust her. I trust her to lead me to better places. Tonight just…it isn't us at our best._ "Do we need to wait, or would it be better to draw now?" _It's not better to wait. Push her aside._

"Wait, because your blood needs time to develop antibodies or the test won't have anything to measure." Looking back to Nozomi, she tried to exude a calm she didn't feel, "I am also very sorry, Nozomi-chan. I'm afraid I'll have to draw some bloodwork on you too. It is just one little scrape on your foot, but I can't be too careful with the most valuable player in the house."

"I'll hold your hand," Hikari reassured her sister. "I know you don't like needles."

"They're…not so bad," Nozomi hedged. "Rina-san and Hina-san said that if you look away and sing a song in your head, it can actually be done without any pain at all." Accepting the tweezers back from her aunt, she went about sanitizing them, "Nii-san…what did you mean when you said 'I should have stayed. I should have died.'?" She kept her gaze averted, understanding the concept of death far too well for someone her age. She didn't want to look at the man she leaned on if he answered in the way she feared he might.

"Madness, Nozomi-chan," Suzuka once more took the reins of the discussion, "does not beget reason. Your nii-san, as intelligent, compassionate, and strong as he is…still houses within him human frailty. His heart is confused, misguided, by the chaos of the world around him. He would not know what he meant when he was speaking from that place. It is not a part of his being that he accesses without all control being lost."

"It's like a dream-state," Maya added. "When you're asleep, and you dream of eating a giant marshmallow while talking to a horned rabbit that wants you to know that it loves you, you can't rightly say _why_ you're dreaming those things. Analysis of subconscious impulses and compulsions is an entire branch of psychology that even today can't explain eighty percent of the reasons we do the things we do."

"…A giant marshmallow?" Hikari looked askance at the Major, "A rabbit?"

"Maya enjoys sweets," Shinji offered. "Though she doesn't eat them very often, trying to maintain her figure. I've seen her put a few in her coffee, from time to time. The rabbit…that might just be because she loves cute things. But that'd be a guess, wouldn't it?"

Nozomi looked up at him, a spark of hope returning to her eyes, "So…you're not going to die, nii-san?"

"It's not authorized," Shinji smiled ruefully. "Your big sister ordered me not to."

"Both of us do," Maya reached across Shinji's leg to pat Nozomi's knee. "I gave him a stern talking to when he fought the most recent Angel. Why, he almost hurt himself! Can you believe that?" Assuming an air of incredulity, she pushed the conversation away from the horrors of the evening, using a watered-down version of events to amuse and delight the youngest resident with an emphasis on 'stubbing his toe' and 'bumping his head' instead of diving into a volcano, or wrestling with a monster.

Hikari accepted the unspoken truce, hamming up her distress that Shinji 'would be so thoughtless'. His household had shrunk, wounds created that compounded those already present on the body of his family. But as he sat there and played the wounded hero, accepting his role as the 'guilty' party creating all of the suffering through comic missteps rather than cosmic missteps, he saw a dim light glow once more upon his horizon. There was hope, even in the continuing tragedies of life. He just had to keep walking towards it, and one day he'd rest in the fields promised there. _But why is it growing dimmer?_


	66. Chapter 66

+++++ 8th Angel + 2: Monday (53)

"Because I dared not," Suzuka answered with a sigh. "Could I have stopped you? It is possible," she shrugged, "though at what cost I do not know. Should any of the three of them have been caught in the battle, they had every chance of being harmed badly. I prioritized their safety, as I believed you would most desire."

Shinji nodded, "Thank you." Staring blankly along the driveway, he flexed his hand to feel the tug of his skin as it healed. "I…was more curious if I had scared you. I don't want to know who'd win in a full fight between us, but if this happens again I…."

"If it comes to that, you have my word I will either stop you or die protecting them from you," her fingers caressed his cheek. "Do not fret, my friend. You do not, and will not, face these trials alone. We have all lost ourselves to our inner demons at one time or another, it is a part of the life a warrior lives. There is no guilt to be etched upon your soul, only a lesson to be learned. Forgive yourself your weaknesses, as they have forgiven you."

 _Forgiveness…._ "Good night, Suzuka." Turning to face her, he bowed in farewell, "Please be safe on your walk home." _I may eventually forgive myself. But I have to see for myself that I've earned it first._ He could see in the willowy swordswoman's eyes that she knew his mind, but whatever she might have to say in response to that knowledge was kept to herself. Watching as she walked away, he embraced the solitude. _When I go back inside. I'm going to have to face this. I can't keep running away from my mistakes._

The sky above him was cloudy, murky. The moon, if it was in the sky, was not visible to him. _Odd,_ the realization struck him, _no dizziness. Moon._ He focused on the orb, _Moooooon._ Scanning the area around him, he saw that his protectors had chosen to continue to obey Maya's order to stand down. _Nobody's nearby. It's quiet._ Seating himself on the ground, he rested his back and head against the door, _Dark?_

The constant drone of cicadas was the only response he received. There was no presence, no static, nothing to indicate he was doing anything other than speaking into the silence of his own mind. The creak of the gate opening to allow Suzuka to depart gave him a brief moment of hope before he placed the sound, and then nothing. _She…did say that when I felt angry it was harder to communicate._

Another look down at his fist, the red welts and angry cuts now sealed over with 'new'-looking skin, he flexed the hand several more times. _I can't remember anything. The call…I remember holding my phone._ Opening his fingers outward, he saw the jagged scars on his palm, _Misato's going to be angry. She gave me that phone._ As the door opened, he caught himself from falling backwards. Looking upside-down, he saw his fiancée frowning at him in confusion, "I needed a moment. I'm sorry."

"Don't be," closing the door behind her, she stepped out and sat heavily in his lap. "Maya's reading Nozomi-chan a bedtime story while she's in the bath. Something about goats and a bridge." Laying against his chest, she kept her tone neutral, "I'm sorry, Shinji. I focused so much on my sister that I forgot you would be hurting too. I…I dropped the ball."

 _Family forgives family._ Wrapping his arms around her, Shinji kept his tone free of accusation, "We're not the only ones suffering. Your sister made a rash decision, created all sorts of opportunities for us to hurt ourselves with. I just took the bait, made a bad situation worse. This hurt you too, Hikari. By losing my temper I made it about me, instead of about all of us."

Her grunt was non-committal, "What did she say on the phone?"

Holding her tighter, he sighed, "She moved out so that I would have a place to go…to get away from you, when you became 'domineering'. She…I couldn't get out the words, Hikari. I don't know if it's because I didn't want to say them in front of everyone, or say them over the phone, or if I only think I had more of a chance than she gave me to say anything at all. She was talking so fast…but I don't want to just make excuses for myself." Closing his eyes, he shook his head, "I'm sorry. Whether I had a good chance or a poor chance, I still didn't succeed."

"We, Shinji," patting his chest, she inhaled, blowing out her words. " _We_ did not succeed. I could have called her. I could have asked to be taken over to where she's living now. A hundred and one things I could have done rather than let my anger take charge." Looking up at him with a sad smile, she rolled her eyes, "Some example I set. I let her get under my skin. I let her actions dictate my responses. When she struck again, where you are weakest, I was so busy with Nozomi that you were left to handle _our_ business alone. I pushed you away, instead of letting you stay by my side to be a part of helping our baby sister."

"I…didn't put up much of a fight," he pulled on the blame to cover himself with his share. "I could have asserted myself. I could have explained to you that I have a great deal of love for Nozomi too, and that I felt I should be there with you."

Hikari smirked, "I'm really angry. Not at you, though."

He shared her sardonic grin, "I'm kind of angry…mostly at myself."

"We are quite the pair." Taking a deep breath, she patted a tattoo on his chest, "Nozomi-chan is sleeping with us tonight. She needs comforting, and we are going to provide it as a family. I don't care if Maya thinks she's sleeping in her own room, I'm going to send you to drag her into our bed like a caveman if necessary."

"If that's what you want, and if she's ok with it," he stood, picking her up into a bridal carry. "Who knows…maybe I'll sleep."

+++++ 8th Angel + 3: Tuesday (54)

Once more waiting for him at his desk, Kelly had a bright smile and his business for the day, "First, your new phone." She handed him a device that looked just like his old one, only without the small amount of wear. "Major Ibuki gave the agents your SIM card, and they transferred it to the techs, so they were able to set it up with everything from your old device from the quarter-hourly backups. If you could check, I'll take it back if it's not right and bring it back to you at lunch."

Shinji quickly turned on the phone's interface, scrolling through everything, "I'm sorry about this."

"It's no trouble, sir. Technology exists to break when we least want it to, and I was coming here anyway to discuss the signatures." Pulling out the next item, she flipped through it once more while she waited on him to finish his test of the phone, "Turns out that it was the same person signing for both since he couldn't sign the form 'in time', they're married, she kept her maiden name, and they have a POA on file for situations just like this. While irregular, she was within her rights to sign for him." As he pocketed his new phone, she smiled and handed him the folder, "Though, she asked me to pass on her regards and appreciation. 'If he's paying that close of attention to our concerns, he cares! I can't be angry at him for not letting us get shafted.' Your acclaim in their eyes grows by the day."

Scanning the papers once more to make certain nothing had changed, he shook his head, "They're working harder than I am. They have earned my best effort, and I can't let them suffer if I can do something to help." Signing in the spaces intended for his name, he spun the pen back into the dock attached to the folder in a subconscious show of dexterity, "Thank you for this as well, Lieutenant. Please, make certain that Colonel Katsuragi knows that I'm willing to explain my thoughts in more detail should she require it."

"Of course, sir." Accepting the folder with a smile, she tilted her head, "Is there anything else I can get done for you today? I have some press junkets to put together, but other than that I'm free to manage things you might need."

"Actually," he worked his hand open and closed, trying to get rid of the odd sensation in the limb from the previous night, "I was wondering if you would be willing to extend an invitation to dinner to someone." He noticed Hikari look at him with a hint of concern, and reached over to smooth his hand over hers, "The temple where Toshiro Horaki's funeral was held, there is a priest there named Hino-san. If he is amenable, I'd like to have him come over and talk to Hikari and I about holding a wedding ceremony. I'd like it if you could attend the dinner as well, since it is likely that anything I want to do is going to have to be coordinated through the Imperial Family, NERV, the Shirakami, and eighty other organizations that I'm as of yet unaware of."

Writing down the last of her note, the redheaded naval officer beamed a smile at him, "Absolutely, sir. I'm sure your security will appreciate not having to tear their hair out keeping you safe at a host of different venues." Turning to Hikari, she shared her enthusiasm, "Is there anything you need, ma'am? You are an extension of your fiancé, and that means I work for and with you as well."

"As it turns out," Hikari's return smile was tired, "I have been thinking about one of the recipes you shared. Where did you happen to get your hands on the 'additive' to the coffee?" She let her eyes show that she knew alcohol was involved, but Shinji clearly did not, "I'd like to keep the ingredients the same, since he liked it so well."

"Say no more," Kelly wrote down another note. "I'll have it for you as soon as I can. In fact, I've heard that the leadership of the _Othello_ had wanted to extend their congratulations on another successful mission. I believe they tend to keep decorative bottles on hand for just such occasions. I'll get in touch with them and see what I can make happen."

"Thank you, Kelly-san," the Class Rep eyed a few students who were gawking at the striking foreigner. "With recent events at the house, I think something along those lines might be needed from time to time."

Bidding farewell to his executive assistant, Shinji made a conscious effort to lose himself in the day's lectures. Continuing his efforts to assist everyone in class, he made good use of Rei's subtle communications to bring help where it was needed most during the breaks. His one attempt at an apology for not focusing on his fiancée was waved away by Hikari, who was more than happy to see him reaching out and making connections with the students, especially those that tended to be disaffected and ostracized for being 'odd'. He never saw them that way, and she couldn't connect with them like he did.

It was during the break leading into the last period before lunch that Shinji, for once, actually surprised everyone. Two of his wounds from the night before had healed oddly, leaving scars on his hand and jaw. When he flexed his hand, as was his tendency, it gained the attention of the love of his life.

"Shinji," Hikari reached out for him, "let me see."

Dutifully placing his giant paw in her grasp, he frowned, "It's fine. It just feels odd. I don't think there was anything you did last night that made it worse. It couldn't have been helped, really."

"Of course, _he'd_ defend her," the same student from the track the previous day scoffed. Her voice was scarcely loud enough to be heard by the young lady she spoke to, and yet Shinji heard her as clearly as if she'd shouted the words across the room, "My mother says that an abused spouse will defend their abuser even in court. He helps everyone, but he won't help himself. He should open up to us," her tone turned flirtatious, "we could make him feel better."

Hikari hadn't heard the statement, and when Shinji's hand stiffened, she stopped probing the area with a start, "Oh! I'm sorry, did that hurt?"

"If it hurt," Shinji growled, "it is my own fault. I should have known better than to try and remodel the downstairs all by myself. I should have sought out help from any of the dozens of people in my life that do nothing but try and make my day just that little bit brighter. You, Maya-san, Idunn-san, Misato-san, how many people do I have in my life now, Hikari- _chan_? All because I came to school and was willing to accept the risk of reaching out to you." Bending down, he pressed a warm, tender, kiss to her lips. Mentally holding it for a five count, he stood back up, "I'm more sorry that my actions brought pain to you."

"Well…." He could see she was a touch flustered with the public display of affection, though far happier for it, "I didn't really make myself available. Nozomi-chan needed me, and I trust you to know your own strength," fluttering her hands slightly, she tried to smile away his apology, "it's really not that big a deal. I have you, and we can work together to get the downstairs put to rights."

"Didn't you _just_ get a new house?" Yang teasingly pushed Shinji away from Hikari with her foot, "Why didn't you have them set everything up the way you wanted it the first time?"

Smirking at his friend, he shrugged, "Because life changes. What makes sense, what feels right, everything can be different from one day to the next. Until you find the right fit for you, you have to do the best with what you have available. If that means making changes, then that's what you do. I know what works for me, and I'm working on making that a reality." Looking over to the young woman that started the scene, he let his eyes harden, _And only my best friends will know what's going on in our private lives._

+++++ 8th Angel + 3: Tuesday (54)

There was an odd amount of serenity for Shinji at lunch, listening to Shinobu Maehara rant about the insanity that appeared to dominate the dorms she lived in. _It puts it into perspective that I'm not the only one dealing with nonsense._ The pair of bluenettes completed their compass, with Hikari sitting to his right, Rei to his left, and her directly across from him. The pretty young maiden of the Hinata Inn had dominated the conversation thus far, leaving him free to slowly eat the lunch he'd prepared so as to appear as if he still needed to eat.

"And the worst part, _the worst!_ I've been kept up all night listening to them go at it like animals because of how thin the walls in the Inn are. Aoyama-san is moving out to go back to her family because her sister feels she isn't making significant enough progress with her swordsmanship and she hasn't made _any_ progress in curing her bizarre androphobia, Kaolla-chan doesn't care…no, that's not right, Kaolla-chan wants to join in!" Slapping her hands down on her lap, she groaned cutely in frustration, "I can't believe I ever thought I loved him!"

"Emotions are what they are, Shinobu," Hikari stated with aplomb. "If they followed our wishes, life might hurt less but we would miss out on all of the beautiful works of art created by sorrow-filled masters."

Shinobu arched her eyebrow, "That's easy for you to say, _Miss_ _Ikari_. Your emotions led you to a wonderful man that smacks people so hard for being cruel in class that the nearby classrooms feel it."

"Their commentary was misguided and unwarranted," Rei asserted in an attempt to appease Shinji's urge that she participate more frequently in their lunchtime talks. "They do not have all of the data, and are making assumptions that are provably false." A small smile graced her features as Shinji reached over and squeezed her hand, "So long as everyone is content to live their lives, what purpose does it serve to foment discord? If people are happy, let them be happy."

"That's a very good point, Rei," Shinji praised her contentedly. _Hikari's not happy. You've removed one, now remove the other._ He frowned slightly, shaking away the thought. "We're all responsible for ourselves, and those who choose to share their lives with us to that extent." Turning to grin at Hikari, who had an equally pleased expression for the effort Rei was making, he added, "I'm responsible for so many precious lives, and thankful that they give back to me so freely."

"You handle your responsibilities well, my love. Rei," she moved to engage further with her fiancée's fellow pilot, "are you still free after school tomorrow? We'd like to have you over for more than just dinner, if that's possible. We understand if NERV needs you, believe me, but it would be fun to just have you there for longer."

Shinobu gasped, "Are you three…."

"I do not believe that would be a matter of your concern," Rei looked down at her lap. "Society takes a dim view of certain relationships, regardless of the happiness of everyone within them."

"Well society sometimes has it right," Shinobu sniffed. "Urashima-san has barely kept up with the housework with all the time he's spent either studying or…or… _that_ with either Narusegawa-san or Otohime-san…or both. If he doesn't put in the soundproofing soon, I'm going to go have a talk with his Aunt. See how he likes that. Shinji doesn't have time for more than Hikari, Ayanami-san, with everything he has to do he needs to not have a bunch of random women busying him."

 _She's right. Listen to her._ Shinji tuned out the next part of the conversation, his phone making an odd beep to draw his attention. _Huh. I guess not all of the ringtones carried over._ He was aware of Hikari speaking, though her tone clearly indicated it was not to him. Unlocking the screen, he saw a text had arrived from Kodama and clenched his jaw. _Don't react. Don't blow the rest of the school day. You have obligations. You are not five._

Slightly steadier of mind, he tapped on the application and read through the message: 'Hey, Baby. Just a note to say that I hope you're doing ok. Word around base is you had a rough night, and so I thought you could use a little pick-me-up.' Attached was a picture that, only a few days prior, would have warmed his heart in addition to other segments of his person. There was nothing specifically _indecent_ , though the image was certainly suggestive.

"Who is it, dear?" Hikari's question came as he was trying to determine if he knew the location of the medical suite her sister had taken the picture within, and conveyed well that she was looking for a means to change the topic of conversation away from relationships to something that wouldn't aggravate either of their friends.

He never hesitated, knowing that to hide the picture at that moment would forever stain his conscience as he gave the perception that he either did not trust Hikari to act appropriately, or that he wished to take Kodama up on her offer of clandestine encounters. Handing her the phone in a way that precluded others from seeing the image, he kept his jaw firmly clamped and let his eyes do the talking.

His girlfriend went from curious to angered in a heartbeat as she saw the image. After reading the text, her tone was flat and cold, "I see."

"Something bad?" Shinobu seemed to crumple inwards, her own problems with relationships and fights between couples scrambling to the fore. "A-are you upset?"

Hikari's voice warmed, even if her heart did not, "It's nothing you've done, Shinobu. There is a situation that Shinji and I are dealing with together, and it continues to stick between my teeth like a stray popcorn shell." Tapping out a message on his phone, she showed it to him before hitting send, "Yes?"

He glanced at it, confident that she could have written out nothing but a string of expletives in any of the languages she knew and he'd approve sending it. Her reply of 'You need to knock this off, Kodama. Nozomi and I deserve an explanation, and all you're doing is flirting with Shinji. Does our baby sister mean that little?', was comparatively tame. "I don't have anything to add…not over text."

"Which is why I love you," Hikari hit send, holding onto his phone. "You're a better man than many, my love." Looking between the bluenettes, she smiled wanly, "You are fine, Shinobu. Rei, it's nothing you've done either." The phone beeped again, and she kept it buried under her hands, "I promise. While I can't speak for Shinji, I know that my anger is limited solely to the person on the other end of this…nonsense." Pulling the phone up and glancing at it, she scowled and showed it to Shinji.

'He's mine too, Sis. You can't stop me from loving him, or him from loving me. You'll note that I haven't once told him that he can't be with you, and unlike you I don't need to control what he says or does not say to you. If you can't handle seeing us happy, then I'll live where our happiness is out of sight. Consider it my wedding gift. I'll speak to Nozomi myself, don't worry. Give him a kiss for me, I need to get back to work.'

"Do we…later," shaking his head, he leaned back against the tree. "Not right now. _Not_ right now." _I can't become angry again. I can't afford to become angry again. I would destroy everything we've worked so hard to create here. I just need to wait. And hope._ He frowned, _Hope._ The combination of thoughts produced an urge that he had forgotten about. The last time he tried this, he produced something that helped….

Inhaling, he sought out the Song of Morning. As he exhaled, he called upon the Song of Poetry, of Music. As it had been in the side of Mount Asama, he breathed out words that no human had ever heard. The power, the pressure, everything was more controlled, more precise, but it performed the task he'd begged it to.

As his song reached the three women he sat with, each felt something different. Hikari, the closest to his heart, heard strains of his love for her. She felt the depth and breadth of his need for her in his life, the sorrow he felt in her absence. Rei felt an odd echo within herself. There was the calm he'd wished for himself, though it mixed with several other confusing and conflicting emotions that she had no names for. Shinobu simply sat enthralled. Her mouth slightly agape, tears welling in her eyes; to look at her would be to see a blind woman offered sight for the first time.

Similar reactions rippled through the courtyard, the building, the campus. There was no nook or cranny that the combined Songs did not reach, no person left untouched by his offer of that most basic of human needs. Teachers slowly halted their lessons, students first frowning in puzzlement, then relaxing in understanding. Every Agent felt a compulsion to do more, to perform better, the knowledge of his unfettered trust in them to maintain order and safety explicit in every incomprehensible syllable.

The song itself lasted one second over two and a half minutes, the final strains echoing on for another few seconds themselves. When he closed his mouth, he felt it. Surrounding him, encasing him, from every person he had touched, every fragment of life around him, he received what he'd just given to those that heard his song: peace.

+++++ 8th Angel + 3: Tuesday (54)

"Can you imagine," Kozo frowned at the screen, "what he would do with such power if he was more like you?"

"I find it amusing, old man," Gendo smirked at his one-time Sub-Commander, "that you think he isn't like me." Tenting his fingers, he leaned forward in his chair and placed his elbows on the table, "I sometimes wonder if you truly knew Yui as well as you think you do."

"She wouldn't have used him as a pawn in an insane stratagem to pry you from Unit-01." The Commander of Tokyo-3 turned around as Shinji was seen to calmly walk into the school building. "She most certainly would not have sent him away to be raised by anyone else."

"You are quite correct. Though that is the extent of your accuracy. Yui would have raised him to be cold, methodical, calculating. She wanted him to see the new world, the world beyond the fear generated by SEELE." Glaring at the monitor, he counted the number of 'Children' in the picture that could have easily piloted an Eva. "She would have crafted him into a machine, a final defense against mad ambition, an eventual monument to all of mankind."

"We'll agree to disagree," Kozo waved off the topic. "Should we succeed, we'll yet have the opportunity to ask her ourselves." Placing a thick folder before the 'prisoner', he sat down heavily in his chair once more, "She's analyzed as much as we've allowed her access to. Whatever effect the L-Nine has had on him, it's caused him to absorb more and more of the energy signatures of the Angels he's killed."

Gendo scanned through the abstract, then paged through the analysis that followed, "I presume that since he's still allowed to roam freely, you are supremely confident in both his sanity and…identity." He paused on a picture included from Shinji's battle against the Seventh Angel, "I would be…vexed, to discover that we're not being cautious with my son."

"He stopped being your son when you sent him to that bastard in Nagano, old friend," Kozo's voice was ice-coated steel. "However, to answer your question: yes. He is a developmentally-delayed teenager with enough baggage to cover half of the DSM in a high-level psychology course. He is very much Shinji Ikari, just with a different body and access to a host of abilities that wouldn't be out of place in a cheap science fiction novel. His mind is still healing, and by the grace of fortune, healing with the love of a good woman with a spine of steel."

Gendo began to read more thoroughly, having absorbed enough of the basics, "More than one, I'm given to understand."

"Major Ibuki was something of a surprise," he agreed. "However, you yourself noted in her appraisal that she might be too soft-hearted to be of any use in the final act. That gentle spirit has served her admirably in keeping him steady during the worst of these weeks, and provided us with a good leash on her to stop her from leaking the dirtiest of our secrets."

"I wonder if we can convince the government to allow them to marry each other, all three." A small smile grew on his face as he dedicated part of his mind to scheming ways to make it happen, "It would be a lovely gesture to the hero of all mankind. Wouldn't you agree?"

+++++ 8th Angel + 3: Tuesday (54)

Shinji worked in the kitchen preparing a dinner for their guests, "I really hadn't meant _tonight_." He accepted the offered soy sauce from Hikari with a rueful grin, "Not that I'm wanting to drag things out, but I had actually expected that Hino-san would be busy…I don't know, being a priest? At least Nozomi-chan is with Sakura-chan, and won't have to be bored by our discussions."

"It could be worse," Maya laughed from the sink where she was rinsing off the vegetables, "he could have said that he wanted nothing to do with the media buzz surrounding involvement in holding a wedding for a Baron." Tucking in as Hikari slid past, she squeaked when a pinch struck at her bottom, "Careful! Working with water and white t-shirts!"

"Oh no!" Hikari spun around as she reached the cupboard, placing her hands dramatically on her cheeks, "I might see your gorgeously formed breasts. That'd be _terrible_." Picking up the next load of dishes for the place settings, she moved past Shinji, "My love, I must be punished for these lustful, lustful thoughts. I'm imagining Maya-chan _nude_."

A sense of contentment draped over him as his fiancée left the room, the sound of silvery bells in her laughter hanging in the air behind him. "I'm ready for the radishes, _Maya-chan_." Leaving the burners on low to simmer the contents of his pans, he spun to the center island and took up the cutting board and paring knife, "Whenever you are."

Hopping up and down to strain the last of the water out, she turned with a quizzical smile, "What got into you two? After yesterday, last night in particular…I'm not unhappy, just…."

"Nervous," Shinji nodded. "A sudden change in mood after a serious depression can be a sign of an impending negative outcome," borrowing from the knowledge carried in her song, he put her fears out before them both. "It isn't like that," taking the first of the red roots, he began to carefully dice it, "today I remembered…how to sing." Looking up at her, he shrugged, "You might remember the kind of effect that has on the people around me…except for you. Why _did_ you fall asleep so easily to the Song of Morning, if you can't really be impacted by it, I wonder?"

"Because you have a beautiful voice," Maya blushed, "and I was extra tired after everything that had happened. Having someone I'm attracted to sing me to sleep is kind of checked off of my bucket list now."

"As good an answer as any," he nodded. Pushing through the next several offerings, he pursed his lips in thought, "This may not last. I may not be able to carry this peace for long, or do what I did at school every day without drawing a lot of unwanted attention. But I recently said I wanted just one night without all of this…chaos. So, I think I might have made one for myself."

"I can still hear it, swelling and receding like the sound of the tide against the shore," bobbing her head in time with the rhythm of the Song of Morning that Shinji exuded, she rocked her finger to the counterpoint of the Song of Poetry. "There's two of them, mixed together." The Major shrugged, "So long as you aren't going to do anything silly, then I'll just accept my good fortune and not worry about it."

Hikari swept back into the kitchen, wrapping Maya in a hug from behind and propping her chin on the shorter woman's shoulder, "He has something else you can accept, if you're amenable."

"Hikari," Shinji chided, "no pressuring her. She has done a very admirable job of restraining herself, despite both of us having had several opportunities to do something. Neither she, nor I, want to do anything that everyone will regret." Sweeping the last of the radishes into the mix, he began working on the celery, "Although, that doesn't preclude you two from doing anything." He carefully kept his eyes on his work, "I don't see myself losing trust or faith in either of you for that, considering the impossibility of pregnancy and the fact that neither of you is male."

"Tempting," Hikari's hands slid in opposing directions, caressing Maya's curves, each ending with cupping a separate joy department through the layers of cloth between them, "very tempting."

"N-not…with guests," Maya's breath caught as the merest hint of pressure was applied, " _coming_."

Maintaining the heavy petting, the now-eldest Horaki of the household was glowing with desire. "The problem is," Hikari stage-whispered in a throaty purr, her cheek against Maya's, "it's both, or neither. Your conditions, my love, are eminently reasonable. I should have thought of them myself, when explaining everything to you all those weeks ago." A hint of sorrow entered her voice, "It would have spared us some unpleasantness."

"Would it?" Caution slowed him, but he wanted the wound drained thoroughly. _I can't move on with this hanging over me._ "Neither of us knew what it was that stopped me from giving into Kodama. Not until…the voice, whoever it was, asked me about the logical result of a long-term relationship." _You can do this. Push._ His eyes flicked up from time to time to enjoy the display of Maya's expressiveness as she melted in Hikari's hands, "Is it that much different from Kodama to Maya? With children by two different women, won't I still be left explaining to them my weakness? Explaining to them why one of their mothers isn't with us at school meetings? Doctor's appointments?"

"What do you mean isn't with us?" Hikari kept her tone seductive, her fingers hungrily moving in tight circles, "I'll show up to every single appointment I can. My child, her child, they'll be _our_ children! I'll slap the taste clean out of someone's mouth for daring to suppose that I don't love a child Maya births just as much as a child from my own womb." Grinning pleasantly as her 'victim' shuddered limply and flopped herself atop the central island with a soft gurgling sigh, she trailed her hands along Maya's back in a light massage, "The difference between Maya and Kodama, is that I can participate in the creation of any children Maya births. I _want_ to participate in the creation of all of our children."

"So…you agreed with me saying 'no' to Kodama because of jealousy?" _That makes a lot more sense, if she still wants Maya but agrees with me about Kodama._ "Not because of the points I raised? Will you still look at me with love when you see Maya pregnant? When you know that I was the one who caused it?" _Focus. You're still right!_

A slight heft of her shoulders was Hikari's only response for a few moments as she enjoyed the feel of Maya's body beneath her hands. He could see her considering her response, picking carefully through the words so that she didn't create confusion, or an inadvertent lie. It was a blessing in his eyes that her demeanor never darkened, that she was still happy, though consumed with her own thoughts.

Finally, she stepped to the side and clasped her hands over her stomach, "Yes." Her chin held high, she accepted the truth of the matter and faced him with confidence in her own emotions, "I know that my sister would consume you. She would dominate your every waking moment, and with the added leverage of a child? She would prey on your abandonment issues to trap you into spending all your free time with her, instead of us."

 _Hadn't quite expected that response,_ "I…see." He began to mix together the spices with the rest of the stuffing, _Would she? Would I?_ The thought of being with Kodama was pleasant, even with how angry he was with her at the moment, he had to admit there was affection for the woman. _It's easy to be angrier with someone you love, I guess. You expect them to not hurt you, and when they do…._

"As…distasteful as imagining you being with her is," Hikari helped Maya upright, hugging the noodle-limbed woman to her side, "it is not the main reason for my decision to back your decision. Beyond the simple fact that I did not misspeak when I said, 'your body, your rules'," she gave him a level look to impress her point harder, only continuing when he nodded in acceptance, "if I was given _my_ preference, it would be to not share you with a woman who since I was very young sucked all of the oxygen out of every room she entered."

"It's why," Maya's words were a little slurred, "she's as reserved in public as she is." A happy smile played across her lips as she considered Shinji, "Kodama was the bombastic one, she couldn't compete in that arena. So, she found her own game, and won it instead. It's why she's a 'good girl', until she chooses to use her dexterous devil fingers."

 _Stop letting it go!_ "I need to make time to teach you cello," Shinji slapped the counter as he remembered her hands upon the instrument and his own impression of her manual dexterity. "I'm sorry, I promised I'd try and I haven't put in the effort."

"When you're able to play without any emotional pain," Hikari shook her head. "Not before." Guiding Maya towards the room she and Shinji shared, she smiled back over her shoulder, "I'm going to freshen up with our girlfriend. I meant what I said, Shinji. I'm terrified she would dominate your time, and while I'll share you with someone who'll share themselves with me, she can never have that balancing factor. Because _yuck_."

Watching the woman… _women_ he loved walk away giggling to each other, Shinji felt a strange sense of pride overrule the darker voices in his mind. _I talked about it. I mentioned my problem, I listened to her reasons, and I'm not angry. She doesn't have to agree with me, her reasons are just as valid as mine, and even though we might want it for different reasons, we want it all the same._ Turning back to his dinner preparations, he let himself smile earnestly, _She trusts me. She trusts me with Maya, she trusts me with my own mind. She's not domineering, she's just a strong, capable, woman that wants me to be healthy and happy. Who wants me in her life forever._

As he worked, he began to sing again. It was a fulfilling, but subconscious act of expressing the joy that began to flood his mind with the understanding he'd just been given of the women in his life. _The river might be deeper than the ocean…but if each of us swims along the top to meet each other part-way, it doesn't matter how far down it goes, Kaji-san_.

+++++ 8th Angel + 3: Tuesday (54)

Maya and Hikari greeted the evening's guests at the door, happiness flowing freely from their every action. "Welcome to our home," Hikari bowed quickly, ushering them inside and out of the muggy evening air. "Please, please, come in. You're just in time for dinner, Hino-san. Thank you for seeing him here safely, Kelly-san," embracing the taller woman in a loose hug, she allowed Maya to take everyone's shoes and organize them to the side.

"My, my," the old priest looked around, mildly surprised. "This certainly has a bright atmosphere for a new house." Accepting Maya's offer of guidance towards the dining area, he smiled contentedly, "It warms these old bones to know that the Lord Ikari treats the spirits around him so well that they grant his home such tranquility."

Kelly hung back, pretending to have a difficult time pulling free an opaque, unlabeled, decorative bottle of good Irish whiskey, waiting for a bit of space before leaning in and whispering to Hikari, "Is he ok? I've heard enough rumor and innuendo today to fill three high school yearbooks. I'm guessing by your smile he's holding up, but I'd like to be ready…just in case."

"He is taking a stand against something he strongly feels would damage our happiness," Hikari accepted the gift with a nod of thanks. "I am immensely proud of him for not wallowing in misery longer than he already has." Gesturing towards the downstairs, she made a faux-grimace, "We just won't show our guest what happened down there."

"A temper?" The redhead looked thoroughly surprised, "Him?"

"Threaten Nozomi-chan, or me," Hikari shrugged. "You'll see what anger he's capable of." Moving to join everyone else, she hefted the bottle, "Thank you. He says he likes the taste, though I doubt he knows what it was he was drinking. If it helps to ease his spirit, even a little, then I'll owe you a debt. How much does this cost?"

"No, no," Kelly waved it off. "Disregarding the financial expense of replacing the entire fleet, the Evangelion, the jets, helicopters, ammunition, fuel, on and on," she tapped her stomach, "he saved the lives of over two thirds of the fleet. A good sailor will give his life to save the ship, not because of his attachment to metal and wood, but because the ship will carry his fellows home." As they rounded the corner and saw Shinji speaking animatedly with the old priest, the Lieutenant gestured to him, "He jumped into the ocean in a machine not intended to go there to defeat an enemy that can't be reasoned with. He was willing to give his life to save my family. A bottle of dad's whiskey is the least I'd give for him in return."

Hikari held the bottle out to look at the craftsmanship, "Your father?"

"He was able to save the bulk of his distillery after most of the county flooded," she smiled sadly. "He gave up a huge chunk of his farm to resettle survivors from the flooding in Cork, back in Ireland, in exchange for their aid in developing the surrounding land to feed everyone. Eventually he was able to get back into bottling, and when I contacted him today he said to give him a week and he'd have another two bottles out for me. So, Admiral Drake ordered his backup be used for now, transferred to a decorative bottle from the _Othello_ , and we'll backfill when the new shipment arrives."

"I'll have a note of thanks for you by then," Hikari nodded. "Maybe we could send a picture of you and Shinji together, show your father what we can of where you work? He sounds like he's very proud to support your career, I'm sure he'd love to see you, even if just a picture."

"Only if you agree to be in it," she grinned. "I don't want to put out the misperception that Shinji's succeeding all on his own. I work for two people, and am very proud to be playing my part in your lives."

"Kelly-san," Shinji called from the table as they came closer, "thank you for coming tonight. I'm sorry to ask you to work on your off-hours."

"Hard to call it work when the people I support ask me over to enjoy a home cooked meal," Kelly dug into her bag again, pulling out a stack of envelopes and another bottle. "Letters from various officers and enlisted aboard the fleet, as well as a gift from Admiral Lazarev and his crew."

Shinji accepted the letters, setting them down on the small serving table behind him, then turned and took the bottle gently from his executive assistant. Narrowing his eyes, he read the characters stylized on the label as they resolved into intelligible words in his brain, "Черничное вино…Blueberry wine."

"You can read Russian?" The old priest smiled, "Impressive, for one so young to be versed in such a rare language in our area. We haven't had good relations with our neighbors to the north and west for some time, despite the Valentine's Day Treaty."

"My fiancé has a special gift for understanding others," Hikari asserted fondly, covering over for Shinji who'd tensed up when he realized that it wasn't him but someone standing in the house that spoke the language. "He's always seeking out ways to resolve conflicts peacefully, regardless of the circumstances of someone's birth." Gently freeing the bottle from his grasp, she looked to Kelly, "Would it be best to refrigerate it? I'm afraid I don't know very much about wine."

"If you have a cabinet away from heat," Kelly offered, puzzled by how the man she knew could scarcely speak English somehow now knew another even more distant language, "that would be best. Store it on its side, out of the light, and keep the temperature below twenty, if you can. Though, I wouldn't worry about waiting to drink it. The Admiral says he asked his wife to send one of the aged bottles from his farm for you to enjoy. I doubt anyone's going to throw a fit about the savior of the planet having a glass or two of alcohol, especially wine."

"I would chastise them thoroughly for suggesting he not," Old Hino laughed. "To drink to excess is a vice, to abstain from alcohol entirely is no virtue." Turning his smile on Shinji, he shrugged, "Moderation in all things, My Lord, even moderation itself."

Shinji frowned at the seemingly contrary advice, "Please, let's all sit. We can talk as we eat." Turning to Maya he pulled out her chair for her, "Maya, if you would keep them company while Hikari and I grab the last few things?"

"Of course," the Major smiled prettily at him, taking her seat and allowing him to help her scoot in.

Moving quickly around the table, Shinji had Kelly's seat out before she could determine which was hers. "Please, Kelly-san. No formalities tonight. This isn't the office."

"You see how he is, Tomomichi," Kelly smirked to the old priest, "my entire job is to make sure that he's taken care of and he tries as hard as he can to undercut me by reversing the order of business every chance he gets."

"It is well then," the old priest seated himself with a laugh, "that he only seeks the attentions of two young women. Were he more like myself in my ill-behaved youth, he'd be subtly groping you as you sat."

Shinji blinked in surprise, heading quickly back into the kitchen to pick up the tea service before ducking back out behind Hikari, who carried the dinner rolls and spreads. With everything placed, he moved to help his fiancée sit, "I'm sorry, Hino-san, I believe I heard you incorrectly earlier."

"No, no," the old man snorted. "I was a terrible man before life punished me for my sins. That you offer me a chance to explain myself only shows me that you are the kind of man I should have been then." Taking two of the light breads onto his plate, he smiled sadly and changed the topic of conversation away from himself, "You asked me here tonight to discuss the possibility of holding a marriage ceremony at the temple I'm honored to serve as the caretaker of, to grant me the opportunity to eat a dinner with, and made by, a good and steady man."

"We did," Shinji nodded, making certain that everyone had what they might need before tucking into his dinner, between Maya and Hikari, himself. "The first part, more. The dinner was simply because I knew that arranging a visit to the temple grounds would cause difficulties for far too many people, most of all you and your colleagues. I couldn't ask you to go out of your way without offering something in return, it would be rude."

With his eyes on his plate, the man seemed to be of two minds about something, "Were it that more of our nation's youth thought as you did, My Lord." Taking a few bites, he nodded, "You have a keen eye for the simple pleasures. Nothing flamboyant about the meal, but the balance of ingredients, the subtle flavors, they all combine to fill without overfilling. You clearly have your mind on the health of your family, and not on the temporary pleasure of flash without substance."

"It really is very good," Kelly added, looking over to Hikari, "it must be so nice to be able to enjoy this, three times a day."

"If we ever see an end to the war, I'm thinking about opening a restaurant," the Class Rep agreed. "I'll manage the publicity, the décor, and the business relationships. Maya will handle the finances and the logistical issues." Reaching over and lightly caressing Shinji's arm, she grinned, "He'll handle putting a lot of other people out of business with his meals and attention to the little details of comfort."

"Only if we keep the prices low," Shinji tried his own cooking and made mental notes on how to improve the meal the next time he made it. "I'd want it to be somewhere that someone like Shinobu-san would be able to get a healthy meal, free from pressure to overspend. There are a lot of people out there that don't have the ability to go to a restaurant, who can't afford the simple pleasure of a good healthy meal that isn't…bland."

"A servant of his people," Tomomichi muttered, another connection visibly made. "So, My Lady, were you thinking of a traditional wedding? Just you and your husband?"

Hikari took a sip of tea, calculating how openly to play her hand, "I was actually wondering, Hino-san, how…orthodox you required the ceremony to be."

"There are degrees of tradition that can be considered acceptable." He tore a small segment off his roll and at it slowly, clearly thinking through his response, "We sometimes relax certain portions of the ceremony in order to facilitate couples who are willing to donate to the upkeep of the temple in exchange."

"Involving non-family members, for example," Hikari clarified. "As you likely know, only one of our parents is still alive."

"He won't be attending," Shinji stated quietly.

Patting her fiancé's arm again, she nodded, "And so, we would like to include a few people outside of our blood relations in the ceremony, to sit in witness." She smiled, "I understand it is irregular, but I'm sure you agree that our situation isn't exactly typical."

Stroking his chin, the old priest nodded, "We could certainly use a new floor in the meditation room. It lets in a draft at night, you see. Sets the candles fluttering, making it very hard to focus on the will of the kami." Tilting his head, he sized up Shinji's reaction, "I heard it might cost around two hundred thousand yen."

Hikari was both amused and content when Shinji simply frowned in confusion before responding, "I believe they might be trying to overcharge you, Hino-san. If you'd like, I could have a word with the engineers at NERV. I'm sure they'd be willing to give a more fair estimate of costs, especially when I tell them I'm hoping to have my wedding there. They seem excited whenever I give them a challenge."

"And innocent," the wizened scholar dropped his charade. Pulling out an envelope, he passed it to Kelly to hand over to Shinji before picking up his utensils again, "Please, after I leave this evening…if you would read this letter. Phobos brought it to me earlier this morning, was rather insistent that I not ignore it. Deimos wouldn't let me have a moment's peace until I promised to hand it off. My granddaughter's death was nearly more than I could bear, and I would rather not know what she foresaw to provoke her to prepare a letter that would outlive her."

The outside of the envelope, Hikari could see, bore marks of exposure and weathering. Written neatly across the front, in a hand that spoke of long hours of practice, was ' _To the Frost Maned Knight_ '. The back, sealed with an aged white wax bearing a strange symbol that she couldn't immediately place, had a flew splotches of discoloration upon it. As if…. "Your granddaughter," she looked to the priest, "she saw…visions?"

"They weren't perfect," he answered quietly between bites. "Though if they were strong enough, she would begin to write them down. She'd often say that she was preparing for a future free of suffering, under the rule of a just and wise Empress." He smiled, a brittle expression, "I dismissed it as the fanciful daydreams of an idle youth afraid of being turned down by potential suitors, especially as two of her closest friends were rare beauties themselves."

"Rei-san was in no danger of being turned down, Hino-san." Shinji carefully set the letter atop the others he'd received from Kelly, "I have found myself surrounded by talented, beautiful, women. My closest allies, my legal guardian," he gestured across the table, "even my executive assistant. I…am no expert in the matter, but I assure you she would not have been judged unfavorably in any competition I could imagine."

Hikari frowned, confused, "Shinji?"

"So, she did speak with you," Tomomichi swallowed hard, fighting back his tears.

"She gave me the strength to let go of my anger," Shinji folded his hands in his lap. "She guided me away from a cycle of hatred, and told me that it wasn't terrible to be afraid, so long as I didn't let my fear do whatever it wanted to." _She wasn't that much older than me when she was murdered. She fought against a fate that she knew was coming, she prepared for a future without her in it. I shade beneath the tree she planted, watered with the blood of her and her friends._ "I didn't have long enough to truly get to know her, and I share your grief for the loss of her and her friends. I can only hope that somehow justice was done, and the man they trusted…the one who betrayed them…." He clacked his teeth shut, not wishing for his anger to pour out at dinner.

"Then I can only pray that she forgives an old fool his failures," standing from the table, he bowed. "Your application for a wedding at the Shrine is approved, My Lord, My Lady. I will cooperate with Miss Chambers, as well as the Imperial Family, to coordinate as you require. If you will forgive me, I…believe I should go home and speak with the spirits some. I'll see myself out."

Kelly stood quickly, mirroring Shinji and mouthing 'Let me', before walking the old priest to the door. Maya and Hikari both looked to Shinji hesitantly, clearly concerned with the sudden mixture of sadness and rage that boiled beneath his mask. With his hands still clasped, twitching with the ingrained impulse to clench and release, he stared death through the plate before him. _I am not the first to suffer. Rei Hino, her friends, were not the first to suffer. I swear I will do everything I can to make it so I am the last. I will not let their spirits judge me poorly, I will not let them find me wanting._

The junior officer returned cautiously to the table, sizing up the scene as he sat back down, "I realize this may be difficult, sir," seating herself professionally, she squared her shoulders and drew her military bearing about her like a cloak, "but I have some questions."

"Lieutenant," Maya shook her head, "the answers are-"

"She reports on what we do to Admiral Drake," Shinji muttered. "But she doesn't report the bad things. Only those areas she feels he could support us with, or provide guidance. She trusts her leadership more than ours, which only makes sense considering our leadership, outside of Misato-san, doesn't trust us." With the fires burning in his gut, he kept his eyes as free of accusation as he could when he looked across the table at the woman that would be his right hand, "She wants to be trusted. She wants to know that she did everything she could to help me save the world. For her father, for her sister…." He tilted his head and frowned, "For puppies?"

Blushing slightly, Kelly looked down, "My sister runs a shelter out of my father's farm. She's taken in hundreds of dogs that were displaced or abandoned during the Post-Impact madness, and just kept going. Trains them to be service animals where she can, adopts them out to good families, sets the solid ones to working to protect the homestead, the flocks, or the bábóg beag the ladies have." Looking back up to Shinji, she let her embarrassment show through her grin, "She sends me pictures…from time to time of the cute ones, which is most of them."

"Whatever he does share, is what he shares," Maya's tone promised terrible retribution. "I am well aware of your attempts to access his files, I have looked the other way because you obeyed the classification warnings and shut down the connection. You will not know everything, and if I find you've shared what he gives you outside of this household I believe we both know _exactly_ what I can have happen to you."

"Message received, ma'am," the redhead inclined her head in submission. "I know I'm the FNG around here, but with the pace of operations, the enemy storming the gates, I can't afford to keep my anchor down. Admiral Drake sent me specifically because he is worried that you are being stymied, and he wanted a pair of eyes that wasn't beholden to the existing hierarchy." She looked back to her new boss, "He told me to extract you and your family to the ' _Rainbow_ if it came to it. He'd find a country to grant asylum if this ends and someone makes to scuttle you, or he'd create one himself."

"I hear Ireland's nice," Hikari moved to begin restoring calm to the evening. "Though I'm sure that the Admiral would know of any number of places that we could go." Smiling a promise of comfort to Shinji, she gave him the trust she had for his decision.

"The L-Nine changed me, as you know from the discussion on the ship," Shinji began. "Each Angel I defeat…I lose a little bit of who I was, I become something…more." Frowning, he looked over to the half-empty plate his guest had left behind, "I can see things that most people cannot. Hear things that aren't meant for their ears. I can hear when someone is telling the truth, and when someone is lying." Allowing his face to go back to neutral, he regarded his aide with a weak grin, "Fortunately, you've always told me the truth, so I don't know how you sound when you lie. I'm sorry."

"I'm not," Kelly shrugged. "My father told me a long time ago that all a lady has is her word and her work. One's only as good as the other, and neither's worth much if you don't put effort into keeping it clean. I can promise you, sir, the Fleet and her crew has your back all the way to Davy Jones' Locker if that's what it takes to secure victory. You'd have no shortage of offers if you called for more aid around here. You put paid to your word, and your work, and every man and woman worth their salt is worried that you're not being treated right by the folks around here. Especially after the attack on your airframe, on the way to the last fight." Looking over to Maya, she nodded, "No offense to present company intended, ma'am, you've done right by him. Though, the rumors say there's reason for that."

"The rumors are most likely working with less than half of the information," Maya snorted. "I've heard a few myself, and no, I am not pregnant with his child. I am not secretly his sister. I am most certainly not his 'beard'."

The redheaded officer laughed, "I was speaking specifically of the rumor that the three of you were in a relationship together. There was some buzz that the reason you were moved in, to provide a constant command presence and psychological counseling, was just a cover because the ma'am," she gestured to Hikari, "was inclined to play both sides."

"The 'ma'am'," Hikari rolled her eyes, "doesn't view the genitalia of an individual as a significant impediment towards romantic involvement. I love Shinji, I love Maya. If you swapped their genders, I'd still love Shinji, and I'd still love Maya."

"Which is not a problem for this lapsed Catholic," Kelly stated firmly. "If everyone's on board, it isn't my place to say one way or the other. That's between all of you and your consciences." She looked back to Maya, "I've already started control and containment of the rumor mill, disproving the more insidious ones with the information that's publicly available as well as subtly encouraging supervisors to become increasingly punitive when they catch employees spreading anything malicious." She glanced to Shinji, "Using your stock in their eyes as leverage."

"It's the price we pay, Shinji," Maya was quick to catch Shinji's wince. "Not everyone is a good person, and not everyone understands that rumor and innuendo cause harm to living, breathing, feeling, people. But if it means supporting you, then I don't care what they think."

"Hikari and I…are giving Maya the time and space she needs to understand her own feelings." Shinji felt his emotions settle some as he explained out loud to another person not involved in the relationship, "If I never had to let her go, I would be happy. If she, or Hikari, decides that we can't share each other…I think I would be happy after the pain of loss faded with time. Our relationship is not as complicated as some might think, though not as simple as many would imagine."

"Well, that _is_ going to complicate the seating chart at the reception," Kelly grimaced playfully. "I was almost positive I could place her at the table in front of Hikari and be safe. Now I have to figure out how to convince a Shinto priest to agree to marry three people to each other, not to mention engaging with the aristocracy and political leaders without having it leak. You certainly don't make things easy, sir."

Smiling as he felt the woman's song speak of relief and hope, Shinji looked down as if chastened, "I'm very sorry, Lieutenant. I will sincerely analyze my decision-making processes and see where I can improve in the future."

Everyone laughed at Shinji's sally, the air in the room returning to before everything had collapsed with the priest's departure. Kelly sat back in her chair, accepting that she'd been given more of his confidence and determined not to push him any harder that evening for more facts. Maya leaned closer to Shinji, holding his hand openly now that she had no need to hide her affection from the woman on the other side of the table. Hikari simply directed the discussion towards 'safe' bits of Shinji's history, how he'd grown so much in the two months she'd known him. By the time they parted ways for the evening, everyone was at peace with the path before them and felt confident that with effort the world could be improved for them and their loved ones.

+++++ Author's Notes

Many kind reviewers: RE: Kodama.

She isn't in the best place at the moment. She hasn't been for some time. Her life was upended, hope dangled just out of reach, and the only weapons she feels she has aren't that effective. It's a terrible place for her to be in, and I can empathize with people who feel she shouldn't be left out in the cold. Shinji is doing what he thinks is best, based on the information he has available. Her actions, while intended to open more opportunities for them, tripped a number of his issues. It's sad, but life frequently is.

SK: RE: Shinji.

He has a lot of contradictory advice being thrown at him. It's amusing to me, as the author, that Asuka's actions during and after the dinner weren't what I'd intended. Her character, staying in character, forced me away from my plans. The best bit of advice she gave, him being true to himself, may just end up saving him.

wibn: RE: Angels.

To be fair, Asuka did a lot of the heavy lifting in the volcano and Rei allowed Shinji to succeed against the Twins. Without their actions there, he likely wouldn't have struck the final blow. He puts himself in danger to stop them from being as at risk, which sets the table for the fights to go as they have.

wibn: RE: Nozomi and Asuka.

I try not to overuse these two, because for this story they both work best in short bursts. Nozomi, as I write her, could easily be the central character. Her warmth and innocence are being tested sorely, but she's holding tight to the lessons her father gave her. She _will_ save everyone, darn it. Asuka, on the other hand, _would_ be the central character. Even as subdued as she is by the matters of her past, if it weren't for Shinji being who he is now she would take over again like she tried to in canon. But he's becoming a leader, and for once she can set down the baton and let someone else do it.

CynicWolff: RE: Kodama.

Wanted to comment on this one specifically. I, like you, actually really like Kodama as I've written her. If I was to choose based on what I wanted, she'd be a shoo-in. Her physicality, her affectionate nature, and her desire to push Shinji away from paralyzed stoicism, all could easily write a much different tale. But her fatal flaw in this story struck several main points of Shinji's growth, and here we are. For now.

Starfire99: RE: Health.

Get well soon, my friend. I understand what it's like to lay in a hospital and be bored. I'm glad that I can do even a little to make your life brighter. As to the tirade? Yeah, I had some fun with that one. Angry Hikari isn't often allowed to actually unleash. But she was in private, and it was an opportunity to let her shine.

Kodama didn't quit NERV, though. She stopped being Shinji's flight medic. She's still there, just not where she'll bump into Maya as often.

origamishishou: RE: …fanfiction?

That's…ambitious. I'll go with ambitious.

willcraftNEX: RE: Shinji x Rei.

Oh the secrets that have yet to be revealed to poor Shinji. Speaking specifically of Rei and canon, when I say that. She, like Asuka, is a character I'm trying not to overuse. There are many layers to her character, and I can see why a lot of authors choose to pair her and Shinji. So much open to interpretation, so much symbolism, so much psychological underpinning. I will say, though, she's not just sitting around biding her time.


	67. Chapter 67

+++++ 8th Angel + 4: Wednesday (55)

Shinji sat at the central island early the next morning, everyone's meals made for the day, waiting for Suzuka to arrive to continue the combat training. He held the envelope from Rei Hino, a letter from a dead woman he'd never met in life, with a sense of honor. _The Frost Maned Knight…she knew what I'd look like. She knew that I'd have that foreign handle._ Running his thumb across the stylized heart-shaped symbol for the planet Mars etched into the wax, he recalled how real she'd seemed, how she'd felt. The slight imperfection of the envelope, the strangely rounded water stains, all spoke of the history it had seen. _She was a good woman. I don't need my powers to tell me that._

Carefully prying the seal open, more to preserve it as a keepsake than to hide he'd read the letter in private, he was pleased when it came free, leaving scarcely a blemish on the aged substance. Extracting the parchment inside, he carefully caught a faded photograph that tumbled out of the side of the folded letter. _That's her._ Instantly recognizing the woman he'd spoken with at the shrine, Shinji smiled at the memory of her poise and grace. _A natural leader. A lot like Hikari in that. Though it seems…._ In the center of the quintet stood a bright-eyed golden blonde, a fire and passion exuding from her even in the still image. _She deferred to the lady in the center._

A bluenette, a pale blonde, and an orangish-brown haired woman of considerable height all rounded out the 'team'. _They got along, even if they seem like they competed with each other. There's so much in this picture, I can see why she'd want me to have it. So long as someone knows they existed, their memory will live on._ Setting the picture down atop the envelope, he unfolded the letter and began to read the refined, flowing, script.

' _To the man with many titles, many names, many lives,_

 _I write you this letter fearing that you and I will never meet in this life. An outsider addressing an outsider. A strange woman calling upon a strange man. A maiden of destiny speaking to a warrior who has defied fate. If my vision is true, you will know me, somehow, though all I have is a pair of images in my mind's eye to contemplate._

 _A black-haired youth. Honest, pained, abused. Clear blue eyes as wide and deep as the skies of our lonely planet. A scarred heart hidden behind music and solitude. Gentle hands that live to serve, a desire to give as much of himself as he could to me that I would never dare turn him away into the cold darkness of eternity again._

 _The other is the man I now write to. Hair as white as the snows that no longer grace our nation. Eyes no longer unified in hue or vision. As honest as ever, as pained as ever, but no longer abused as badly. Arms that hold up the foundations of heaven itself. A heart that was scarred begins to mend, though many will create new pains as they attempt to claim what belongs to a young woman of no small talents, as well as a professional in desperate need of your power in order to remain whole._

 _It is a melancholy sort of relief I feel as I think upon you. I do not believe it in poor taste to say that I envy the woman bathed in light. I know in my heart that in another life, you and I shared what you now likely share with her. You are, perhaps, the only man I can honestly state I do not hold some feeling of contempt for, and were you able to speak to my friends they would impress upon you that I am most certainly engaging in understatement._

 _Our duty, those you see in the picture included with this missive, was to fight against the evils within the hearts of humanity. To use our powers wisely, to cooperate though we come from different walks of life, and most of all to secure the future of our Princess. She may not look it, but the woman at the center of our group is destined to one day sit upon the throne of the galaxy itself. To rule over all reality with wisdom and sensibility._

 _I assure you, your aid would have been invaluable had we not been betrayed from within. Had I been drawn to you, as I needs must have been despite our few short years of difference, we would have been capable of anything! Foe after foe would have fallen against our combined forces, my stratagems and your strength, your tenderness and my flame. Alas, Mamoru Chiba, may his name forever be a curse, has turned our fate from its course towards this terrible conclusion._

 _I would linger, reveling in the warm affection I feel for you my Snowy Knight, but my time is short. I fear that within the next few hours my end will come, that I must go to engage in my own battle for the safety and freedom of humanity. That I will fulfill my obligations, though it costs me my life. My presence will mean her victory, and I will make that sacrifice gladly. I offer to you what wisdom I can make sense of from my vision, and a promise that somewhere in the vastness of all creation your gentle demeanor won my heart._

 _First, beware the red-eyed man with silver hair. He stood upon the sea itself in my vision, glaring hatred and malice at your back. A knife aimed for your heart._

 _Second, trust none of the shadows that speak in the silence of your soul. They play games with forces that none should control but life itself._

 _Third, the woman who acts as a shadow upon your light is vital to your sanity. I know not how your heart regards her, but without her humanity will lose everything as you fall to madness. Though it costs you your happiness, do not disregard hers._

 _Last…should it come to be that you do meet me somehow, please do not spurn my own regards. My mind is filled with far too many visions of realities past, present, and parallel. I am not always able to tell them apart when they overwhelm me and I may act in a manner ill-befitting a woman of my refinement._

 _She has come. I go to my destiny filled with your love, and I will reenter the cycle of creation secure in its tender embrace._

 _With undying affection,_

 _The Soldier of Flame and Passion, The Guardian of War,_

 _Rei Hino'_

Running his thumb atop a discoloration at the base of the parchment that now made perfect, chilling, sense, Shinji tried to imagine what the former shrine maiden must have been feeling as she dried the ink upon the paper. Her friend, the woman in the center of the photo, watching as she folded the letter precisely, tucking an image alongside it for the sake of a man neither knew. Two young women, warriors fighting against the evils of mankind, went to die willingly that others would live.

"That others might yet live," Shinji spoke aloud into the air around him. He felt Suzuka's approach, "We fight so that others don't have to. We kill, we suffer, we watch our friends die struggling against evil, all so that those who cannot, or will not, are allowed to live free."

"A warrior's burden is heavy," the woman agreed, "that we will never know true peace is the price of the knowledge that others are granted its bounty." Taking her place alongside him, she gently lifted the photo from the envelope as she set her sword down, "I recognize them." Leaning forward, a thoughtful expression on her classic features, she nodded, "The one in the center, named for a rabbit. She struck down her killer, the man later identified as the…Shinji, where did you come by this?"

"Her," he tapped the image of Rei. He couldn't say more, not yet. _She knew she would die. She knew that I would fight to save everyone._ Handing Suzuka the letter, he took the photograph back and etched the image of the five young women in his mind. _I'll find their names. Their graves, if they have them. I swear, I will honor your sacrifice._

"Spirits see them safely to the other side of the river," Suzuka prayed fervently as she finished reading. "My friend," folding the paper carefully, she set it back in the envelope, "please, who gave this to you? The young lady on the left, she was the daughter of one of our number, though I doubt it was she who gave this to you. She's been dead for years."

"Tomomichi Hino," his voice refused to speak above a murmur. "Her grandfather." Sliding the image into the envelope, he looked to the woman that was likely his closest ally, "I saw her, at the shrine. She spoke to me the day of Toshiro-san's funeral. Her ravens, Phobos and Deimos, they spoke of my marriage to Hikari to the old priest." His eyes moved to his bedroom door, "If we see a man with red eyes, we shouldn't hesitate." He gestured towards his chambers, "My heart is asleep in that room."

"I'll pass word along," the willowy swordswoman agreed. "To both my own allies, as well as to your kunoichi. If it comes from me, they will presume I have a source I cannot share with them, as opposed to a dead woman casting the light of hope forward in time with her dying breath."

"Please…find their graves," he let his eyes convey his intentions.

"As you will it," she reached over and gripped his shoulder tightly. "It is well to honor the spirit of the fallen, to let them know that their deeds in life have not faded from memory. We will go together, the Shirakami and your family."

"Let's go outside," standing he waited for her to join him. "I want you to push me again. If this man with the red eyes is like this _Chiba_ ," he spat the word out as the curse she'd desired it to be, "then I need to be ready to prevent history from repeating itself. Like most other things, I don't have the luxury of time."

+++++ 8th Angel + 4: Wednesday (55)

"Oh my goodness!" Yang clapped her hands over her mouth as she walked into the classroom and saw her newest friend, "Shinji Ikari, what did you do?!"

Sporting a wicked-looking bruise across his throat that appeared, according to Hikari, far better than it had even an hour prior, the pilot of Unit-01 smiled with a shrug and gestured to his fiancée.

"He held his own against Suzuka-san, got distracted by me shouting at the two of them, and dropped his guard when he shouldn't have." She mostly kept her irritation in check, not in any small part because she knew she'd been the cause of the blow that would have killed or crippled anyone but her future husband. The memory of the sound of his esophagus being crushed, his trachea and airway collapsing, would stay with her for years.

Shinji nodded, placing his hand over his mouth and then making a series of hand signals subconsciously.

Tsuru's eyes lit up, and she slipped her bag atop his desk before making a similar set of signals, _You speak the silent language? My honored grandfather also speaks. He taught me some, I never found someone else who could use it!_

 _It is useful during missions, when we do not want to speak and give away our positions._ It was far easier for Shinji to lie with his hands than his mouth, his tells minimized by the conscious act of speaking with his hands.

"That makes sense," Tsuru nodded. "He says that they use Sign when they have to maintain silence," she translated for everyone else. "If you need, and if Hikari-san is fine with it, I'd be happy to translate for you for the teachers?"

"That's a wonderful idea," Hikari agreed before Shinji could wave off the plan. "I wouldn't know one gesture from the other, and I doubt I could learn it before the start of classes today." A too-pleased smile crossed her lips, "I'm sure Natsuko-san won't mind switching seats with you for the time being, so that you can see what he's saying."

"Good plan, good plan," Yang nodded eagerly. "Oh my goodness!" Stomping her foot, she glowered at Shinji, "Why didn't you keep your guard up? Even Suzuki-san doesn't drop his guard around that devil-woman, and she's his wife!"

"Hikari-san told me to stop right now. I stopped," Tsuru translated dutifully.

"They looked as if they were rather serious about hurting each other," Hikari defended herself with a scowl at Shinji. "Considering I love them both, I was trying to get to the bottom of whatever had possessed them to try and murder the other."

"Training," Shinji's 'helper' said with a shrug following his brief statement, laughing as he grinned with a smile and a 'what can you do?' look about his eyes.

+++++ 8th Angel + 4: Wednesday (55)

"I've seen Urashima-san take some pretty bad hits," Shinobu lightly felt along Shinji's throat with Hikari's permission. "Never once did I see Aoyama-san aim for his throat, even when she was chew iron and spit nails mad at him over his tomfoolery." There was a compassion in her eyes for the young man she sat next to, "Your life is hard enough, Shinji…does your training have to be as lethal as your duty?"

Tsuru watched Shinji's hands for a moment, then answered for him in a subdued voice, "To protect everyone, I would train even harder, Shinobu-chan. My life does not belong to me, my wounds are so that others don't suffer worse." She frowned as he winced, "Oh! I'm sorry, I added the '-chan', habit! I'm sorry!"

Hikari made soothing motions, "It's ok, Tsuru-chan, it's ok! Shinobu is a close friend of ours, and she knows how Shinji would typically address her."

"Politely, with respect, and the kindness that showed me that I wasn't meant to be with _Urashima-san_ ," Shinobu sat down, bumping Shinji with her shoulder and smiling. "He did sing for us though, which was absolutely amazing."

Shinji looked back to the school building, then pulled out his phone and tapped out a message to his guardians before asking Hikari through Tsuru whether she'd seen Rei today.

"I haven't," Hikari pouted before explaining to the other two, "we had hoped to have her come over for dinner, but if she's busy we'll have to put it off to another day. Nozomi-chan was looking forward to seeing Pen-Pen." Hearing the reply beep, she waited for him to read the message before turning it so she could see too, "Oh. Well, that's unfortunate. Maybe we should ask Maya?"

Typing out a new text, Shinji nodded in agreement. _'Maya, is Rei going to be unavailable all day? Akane-san says she reported in to NERV at the Commander's order.'_ Setting his phone back down, so as not to be rude to his friends, he asked Tsuru a question he'd been meaning to follow up on for some time.

Her seafoam eyes brightened, "I have! Thank you so much for helping me find that out, Shinji-san!" Her hands fluttered with excitement, "I was accepted to a college under that program for aspiring pharmacists, the counselor even said that she believed I'd easily be placed back home once I graduated. You two _have_ to come visit, I'd love to show everyone the couple that gave me a path out of the life I'd dreaded."

"You gave yourself that, with hard work and drive," Hikari smiled gently. "It's never a weakness to ask for help, Tsuru-chan. Though, we'll happily visit sometime. At least, once the war is over and Shinji can move about without worry that an Angel will attack."

Agreeing with his fiancée, Shinji grinned happily, gesturing that he was pleased that her studies and hard work had borne fruit. Reaching back for his phone as Maya's ringtone sounded, he saw that it was a call and handed it to Hikari to answer.

"Shinji Ikari's answering service," Hikari joked, her eyes teasingly bright. "Yes, he's still not able to speak. He says there's no pain, but you know how he can be." A frown grew as she listened to the third leg of their tripod, "Maya that's ridiculous. I've seen Rei be 'accidentally' groped in school and walk away without batting an eyelash. Who could have-" Shinji watched as steel replaced confusion, his fiancée's mask settling into place, "I see. I presume she is also explaining herself?" Another pause, "Please tell me he's not playing favorites? I'm very fond of him, and wish he could visit more often, but he has to know that she'll take the entire kilometer if he gives her a centimeter."

 _There are few people that would fit what she's saying. What did Rei and Kodama get into?_ Unconsciously reaching over, Shinji smoothed his hand down Shinobu's back. He could sense her song's distress, and his nature set him to reassuring the young woman that her presence wasn't a burden and that Hikari wasn't angry with her. Looking to Tsuru, who was carefully picking at her pleated skirt, he subtly waved his hand to gain her attention, signing out that perhaps they should all go for an outing this afternoon. _It's not sounding like Rei will be able to join us for dinner._

"Of course," Hikari sighed. "Thank you. No, no, I understand. It's not your place to, Maya. We love you, and we'll see you later tonight." Hanging up the phone, she handed it to Shinji before calmly folding her hands and placing them in her lap, "Rei will not be joining us for dinner, my love. There was an incident, and she'll be required at NERV for a few days for testing and training."

Tsuru was muted as she translated for Shinji, "He says we should all go to get ice cream, or something similar." She smiled politely, "I can't, Shinji-san. My family doesn't have enough money to afford something like that."

"Shinji will pay for you both," Hikari reassured both women. "I do not need to hear his words to know that if he's asked you to enjoy a day out with us, that he will gladly pay for you." Leaning over to kiss him on the cheek, she hugged her fiancé, "If you cannot because your families will not allow you, that is one thing. We have plenty, and sharing with our friends isn't a burden."

He gestured his own addition, to which Tsuru developed a small grin, "Really?" Turning to Shinobu, she translated, "He'll make sure we get home safely, Shinobu. He'd like to try and be better friends with everyone."

"Well…I really should call Kitsune-san, let her know I'll be home late." Shinobu looked over to Tsuru, "You really should join us, Tsuru-chan. Shinji doesn't make this kind of offer very often."

Signaling that there was no pressure, and that he'd understand if she had other things she'd rather be doing, or had planned on doing, Shinji finished by saying that he was being sincere and would genuinely enjoy having her come with them on an outing. Looking over to Hikari as Tsuru finished translating, he added that it would be a nice change of pace from the various issues that had cropped up recently.

+++++ 8th Angel + 4: Wednesday (55)

As deep as they were inside of what was considered Shirakami territory, Shinji wasn't surprised to see only four of his Section Two cohort remain as a number of plain-clothes toughs took up positions on their walking route. He knew it would be rude to comment on how they stuck out, considering they not only were better at their jobs than he himself would likely be, but intentionally sticking out to draw attention towards the fact that they were there and people might not want to mob Shinji himself.

That, of course, did not stop people from stopping him and his group from time to time and thanking him for what he had been doing to save humanity. Or to promote strong ties with community and family. Or to demonstrate that education was a high priority for him. Or to congratulate him and Hikari on their forthcoming wedding. Or to ask for an autograph or a picture. Or a blessing. It was the last that finally caused him to frown, only in confusion rather than in irritation. After a subtle gesture to his guardians that he was fine, he asked Tsuru to pursue clarification of what it was that the individual felt they needed a blessing from someone who wasn't a priest for.

"I'm very sorry, ma'am," Tsuru tried to sound confident, "what is going on that you need a blessing from Lord Ikari?"

"It's my son," the woman ignored, or did not see Shinji's grimace at Tsuru's choice of title, "you see, he and his…uhm, his girlfriend recently had a child."

"Congratulations," Tsuru translated the simple hand motion, "from all of us."

"Thank you, My Lord," the woman ducked a quick bow. "However, he's…he's refusing to spend any time at home with them, or…or to give them money. I only found out when I hadn't received an answer to my e-mails. When I went over to their apartment to visit, to see if perhaps they were having computer troubles, I found…she was not doing well. I'll not…it wasn't good…My Lord." A few tears leaked out, and the woman turned away in embarrassment.

Shinji's eyes hardened, his face becoming a mask of steel. Directing Tsuru to ask Hikari to comfort the poor grandmother, he pointed immediately at the closest of the Shirakami toughs, then directly in front of him. _This woman lives around here. She's not fast on her feet, and she doesn't look like she's been walking very far._ A part of him was surprised when a pair of men nearly sprinted over, a readiness to act hanging off of them like a greyhound at the gates.

Tsuru adeptly translated for him, even with half of her attention on Hikari's soothing tone and calm words, though she'd lost the confidence as soon as her elder began weeping, "The Lord Ikari would like it if you two to take his aunt here to Nanako-san. There is a situation he would like to see addressed, he'll make certain to send her the details." She blanched, "He will not be pleased if she is treated unkindly…." She leaned in to whisper, "I can't say that, Shinji-kun."

"No need, little sis," the presumptive leader of the pair nodded, "I know a death mark when I see one. Don't worry, My Lord. I've seen this one," he tossed his thumb towards the late-to-middle aged woman, "walking around the markets. Always a smile for the kids. We'll make sure she gets to the club, and then wherever she needs to go." Moving towards their new task, he sent his junior over towards the woman in charge of their group to arrange the details.

Pulling out his phone, Shinji typed out a text message to the kindly Shirakami lady. Explaining that he'd like the situation looked into, and if needed whatever authorities involved as appropriate, he added that he'd like to know why neither of the women had themselves gone to anyone else. _Something failed, whether it's that she doesn't feel she can trust anyone, or doesn't want to bother anyone, we can't claim we're saving everyone if a baby's home life brings a grandmother to tears._

"You're a good man, Shinji," Shinobu's eyes carried a great deal of sorrow as he put his phone away. "But there's nothing on Earth that can force parents to love each other, or the children they've brought into this world."

"He's not trying to force them to love anyone," Hikari stated simply. "He wants the man to meet his obligations, the woman to explain why she didn't or couldn't pursue help, and the child somewhere safe." Shinji recognized the righteous fury hovering beneath her calm exterior, though he doubted that either Tsuru or Shinobu did. "There may be a reasonable explanation for everything. Perhaps the man was being abused by the woman. Perhaps the other way around. Whatever the situation, Shinji is doing what he'll always do. He's protecting people."

Shinji offered a hard smile to his fiancée, pleased that she continued to understand him whether he was able to speak or not. Pulling out his phone again when it beeped, he noted that Nanako's response was a simple, 'Sure thing, Sweetie. I'm sorry to hear that you and Kodama are having a rough patch. Let me know if I can help somehow.' Armed with the knowledge that one less child would be suffering unduly, and admitting that whatever words one could use to describe the situation between Kodama and everyone else, that it could be called 'a rough patch' was true enough, he started his group onwards again. _I really need something sweet now._

+++++ 8th Angel + 4: Wednesday (55)

Mimicking Hikari, Shinji hugged both young ladies before helping them into the taxi that would take them home. The afterschool snack was a great deal of fun in his opinion, listening to the three young women share stories about their past with him and each other, "I miss that." Even to his own ears, his voice sounded rough and broken. Looking over at Hikari's sigh, he instinctively sought to comfort her, "It doesn't hurt, it just sounds bad."

"You say that," she sighed, heading towards the nearby grocery market, "but if this keeps up you'll eventually stop healing your vocal chords. You're going to end up mute, and I'll never be able to hear your voice again. How many times now have you lost your ability to speak? How many more until it's permanent, like your eye?"

The memory of his future that Dark had shown him, of him riding in the strange carriage that moved without obvious means of propulsion or steering, of speaking with Hikari through a silent language, brought a thoughtful frown to his face as he kept pace with the Light of his life, "I do what I have to. Whatever I have to, to keep you safe."

She was silent for a moment, waiting for their escort to check that the inside of the small market shop was safe. He watched as a number of competing emotions travelled across her face, her song speaking of joy, grief, and finally landing on acceptance, "I know you will. That's what hurts me the most, that I only have so much to give back to the man who's made me his entire world." Smiling sadly, she nodded in thanks as Paola held open the door for them, entering into the store to spend a little more time alone with her fiancé.

"Lord Ikari!" The shop's owner called out with a surprised smile and a wave, "What brings you and yer bride-to-be to my simple market?"

 _I have a duty to these people, no matter how irritating that title is becoming._ "I'm looking for what I'll need to make yaki udon," he gestured towards Hikari, who was perusing the selection of noodles, "her younger sister asked for it. So, since she runs the house, I'm making it for her." _Use humor. It covers over the irritation._ "Can't have an unhappy sister-in-law, can we?"

The man's laugh was infectious, his smile doubly so, "I see you have wisdom beyond yer years, My Lord. What happened to yer voice? You sound like my father used to after near to seventy years of constant smoking."

"Training accident," Shinji stuck with the simple half-truth, "our enemies aren't going to be gentle when they strike, so I can't waste time training with pillows."

"And that's the truth, ain't it? Here, let me see if I can't help some. Get you home faster so you can rest." Turning to the area typically inaccessible to customers, he bellowed in a voice that could likely have been heard on the far side of Jupiter, "Oi, Wife!"

The man himself was rather small, not much larger than Hikari, though he was fairly attractive despite his short stature. That he could produce the volume he did impressed Shinji, who would not have anticipated the ability from someone his size. That the woman who came out of the back was easily as large as Toshiro himself had been, and though he wouldn't admit it out loud, far less attractive than he had been, made him glad that he'd begun to be able to hide what he'd been thinking to a small degree. _It's not nice to judge people. You know that._ The pair's songs harmonized instantly, a deep connection obvious to his ear, and set his mind to wondering what had happened to bring together two people who couldn't look more opposing if they'd been purposefully created to by the spirits themselves.

"Oh," the woman's voice, high and nasally, did nothing to answer the questions that paraded through Shinji's mind, "it's the new Baron." Bowing politely, she smiled, though Shinji wished she hadn't as malformed teeth displayed oddly in all directions, "Welcome to our store, My Lord. Is your fiancée with you?" Looking around she spotted the Class Rep, "Hikari-chan! It's so good to see you!"

Turning about, Hikari smiled pleasantly for the ogre-like wife of the shopkeeper, "It is good to see you as well, Ise-san."

"They's after making some yaki udon for Nozomi-chan, Wife. G'wan show her the best bittles, I'll show his Lordship the stock in the back, so long as his minders don't care if we split up?" Looking towards Paola and Claudia, he held his hands up in mock surrender, "If ye need to cuff me, I can show the freshest selection to y'all without bein' a danger."

"I doubt that will be necessary, zoticone," Claudia rolled her eyes. "I'll come with you, and we'll be nice and calm about everything, sì?" Patting Shinji on the back, silently asking for him to wait for her, she gestured for the shopkeeper to lead on.

Paola winked at him then turned her attention to Hikari and the large woman she was happily chatting with. The Shirakami that had filtered into the store quietly checking various prices in an effort to appear 'normal' took up new positions every time line of sight was about to be broken by either Hikari or Paola. It was an intricate dance, but one that he was becoming much more comfortable around.

 _I guess you can adjust to anything if you give it enough time and exposure._ Once Claudia waved him in, he stepped through the large saloon style doors and into a space that overwhelmed him with the scent of fish, fowl, and pork in the middle of being cleaned and butchered. "I've always wondered what it looks like in the back of this store," he murmured.

"So, what strikes little Nozomi-chan's fancy? We had a delivery of some nice thick oinkers just this mornin', or is she in more of a fishy mood? Some fine octopus that would go lovely with our best noodles, should you rather." Rubbing his hands together he gave a wink and a grin, "She may not be much to look at, but my wife knows how to get the absolute best comestibles."

Shinji decided to play it safe and not speak poorly of the friendly man's spouse, even if the man himself seemed to know how people would view her, "I noticed you know Hikari-san and Nozomi-chan?" He politely looked over the available pieces, those that had been butchered or what was being packaged, "Did she come here often, before everything happened?" _I used to go to the store on the other end of town. It was cheaper._

"The Horaki family would stop by every other week, yeah," his smile faded slightly, "afore the accident. 'S a real shame, that. The old man was a truly good customer, and whenever someone tried to play us off like we're stupid, just 'cause we're from Oki, he'd set 'em straight. I tell you though," gesturing towards where Hikari was in the main store, he shrugged, "can't say as they've suffered as hard as they might have, if not for you. Real heart of gold, hear tell. So you tell ol' Ise what you want, and me and the Wife will make sure you has it, right? You do right by others, and you'll always be welcome here My Lord."

 _Good people everywhere I look. Probably should have looked harder, the first time._ "Do you happen to have any salmon?" He gestured over to the ice bin, "I'm thinking I might use fish tonight, Nozomi-chan's favorite."

"That I do, My Lord, that I do," clapping his hands together, he picked up some food preparation gloves and went to work. "It's normally about fifty-five hundred for two kilograms, but for you? I'll sell it at five percent over what I paid for it." Tossing a grin over his shoulder, he winked, "Help keep that little girl smiling another day, yeah?"

 _Everyone's eager to help, but it's not me that needs it anymore…is it?_ "How about we meet in the middle, I'll pay five thousand for two kilograms. It wouldn't do me much good to put you out of business, not if I'm going to be coming back here from time to time to get what they enjoy."

Laughing amicably, the Ise husband cautiously fileted the first salmon, "Ah, yer a good sort, My Lord. A good sort. You come back-" A loud crash cut off what he was about to say, followed by a string of curses in Italian. "That sounded like outside."

Shinji was already in motion, unwilling to not be present if Hikari was in danger. Sloughing off Claudia's attempt to hold him back, he growled, "Come on." Throwing the doors open, he took in the room. Hikari was back against the rear of the store, both the large Ise woman and one of the Shirakami between her and anyone or anything that might approach. Paola and another of the Shirakami had their sidearms drawn and at the down ready position, looking out into the street through the large plate windows.

Out in the street a fire had started following someone crashing into a food vendor's stall with what looked to be a delivery scooter. The delivery driver was crumpled onto their side several meters from the point of impact, the person or people who'd been selling food were nowhere to be seen. The debris from the impact, as well as several overturned tables that had been filled with something distinctly flammable, had created a barrier cutting off one entire end of the street. Fortunately, it was contained mostly by virtue of a lack of burnable material to the side they now occupied.

Another of the Shirakami that had come into the store with them approached, urging him back as he moved to go help, "Please, sir. We can't let you out there, it could be a trap."

"Someone is hurt," Shinji scowled at the man, shouldering past, "why isn't anyone helping them?" Moving towards the door he called back over his shoulder, "Hikari, please stay inside and call emergency services, in case nobody else has." Holding the door, he gestured for Paola and the other man to come with him, "Claudia-san, guard Hikari with Tanaka-san and Junichi-san. You two do what you have to, to make yourselves feel better, but I'm going out and helping."

The heat from the flames was noticeable as he exited the reinforced glass and concrete structure. _I need to help. Why isn't anyone helping?_ Walking over cautiously to the delivery person first, he borrowed from the combat lifesaver courses Paola had taken to triage everything. A slight groan as he went to lift the visor gave him a hint as to how to address them, "Ma'am, I need you to hold still." _I hate speaking this loudly, she's hurt and disoriented, but the damn fire is noisy._

Glowering, he looked around for anyone that could help him, his eyes landing on Kensuke Aida. The husky teen, not that much larger than he had been in Shinji's original timeline, was filming with a look of horror as he held his personal cell to his head and was speaking to someone. _At least he's trying to get help here. At least I can trust him to do the right thing._ "Kensuke-kun!" _There's a path away from the fire, just need to go right._ Waving his arm, he drew the young man's attention towards the path towards him.

"Shinji-san!" Kensuke shoved his camera into another young man's hands, "Keep filming." Handing his phone to someone as he ran around the larger pocket of flame, he urged them to speak to whoever was on the other end of the line. Surprisingly athletic, considering his build, the bespectacled student clambered up and over a large stone barricade to reach where Shinji knelt down trying to straighten out the driver.

As soon as he didn't have to scream to be heard, Shinji nodded his thanks to his one-time friend, "I need a hand. I'm going to search for the people manning that stall, get her," he turned and saw Paola and her counterpart from the Shirakami urging people back and away from the scene, "over to that building there. Inside is a foreigner, her name is Claudia, and she speaks Japanese as well as either of us. Hikari will vouch for you, but do whatever she says, she's one of my guards and is _very_ well armed."

"Right," Kensuke's nerves were on display, and he was already covered in sweat from the adrenaline and heat of the flames. "I'm very sorry, ma'am," he winced as he scooped her up into a bridal carry, "I don't mean to be handsy with you. But we've got to get you away from the fire."

 _A little direction. That's all he's ever needed to succeed._ Trusting that Kensuke had that situation well in hand, Shinji pressed closer to the fire that had begun to eat away at the stall itself, realizing he couldn't delay any longer if he was going to be able to save anyone at all. "Hello?!" The smoke and heat burned at his mouth and lungs, attacking the moisture within him. As he moved closer and closer, using his height and feeling for the song of anyone alive, he tried again, "Is someone back there?"

A coughing cry, the sound of a tiny voice warbling in pain, and his caution fled in the face of renewed determination. Grabbing the burning husk of the stall to pull it free from the mouth of the alleyway, he only dimly realized he'd be showing everyone around him that he was no longer human. His hand began to itch as the heat from the flames claimed the flesh on his arm, and still he lifted upwards. Once it was high enough that he could toss it away, he turned and threw the wreckage back into the main street.

 _Ok._ He pivoted back to see where the child was, _Need to…oh no._ Stuck underneath the motionless body of an older man, a kid no older than a pair of years struggled to move away from the encroaching fire. Shinji could see the large shard of metal, at least twenty centimeters wide, that had lodged itself at an upwards angle under the man's ribs killing him. _I'm so sorry…I…I can't save…._ Hardening his heart, he pulled the man roughly off the child, prioritizing the living over the deceased. The smoke was thick now, and he knew he'd sound terrifying to the youth, so he refrained from speaking and adding to the already lifetime's worth of nightmares they'd have.

The child wailed, coughing and hacking in the poisonous air, but clung to Shinji's neck instinctively as it sensed a salvation he feared would never arrive. A confused babble erupted, language still being new to the young boy's lips, the only clear word was fear for his grandfather, the man whose last act on Earth was to shield his grandchild from an untimely death.

Taking the corpse by the belt, Shinji hurried away with the living and the dead towards Paola and cleaner air. _Keep moving. Just keep moving. Protect the child, don't think about the body you're holding. You can't save everyone. You can't._ Dizziness assailed him as he reached the relative safety of the space before the grocer's they'd been shopping in. "Take him!" Tearing the boy from his neck, he shoved him into his guardian's grasp and gingerly laid the old grandfather to the ground before dropping to his hands and knees to gasp for air.

"Shh, shh, shh, va tutto bene ragazzino. Sei a posto. Sei al sicuro ora. Nessun pianto, niente lacrime," as Paola looked over the toddler for damage, she kept her attention on the crowd that had gathered, "Inside. We need to fall back, Tesoro. You've done your heroics, now listen to your Aunt, sí?"

"I've got him," the Shirakami tough moved to support Shinji. "Cover our six." Working under the wounded pilot's less-injured arm, he shouldered the door open and dragged Shinji inside.

"Shinji!" Hikari popped up from where she'd been helping Kensuke tend to the wounded driver, moving to where the Shirakami guard placed him, "Oh no…Ok, ok. We need to get his shirt off, things are going to swell and we need to maintain circulation." Shifting aside she gestured to the guard's knife, "Please, I'm a little shaky right now."

"No problem." The big man looked down at Shinji's damaged arm and hand, pulling out his knife and gesturing, "Can you lift it, or do you want me to? That looks like it hurts something fierce, your call."

"It's fine," his voice sounded worse than before in his ears. Lifting his arm, he held it out, "It'll heal." He couldn't take his eyes off of the body of the old man laying out in the street, "Please…go cover him. Use my shirt, something. Don't leave him where the baby will see."

The man turned his head slightly towards the junior ranking member as he sliced Shinji's shirt from his body, "Junichi, find a sheet and cover the grandpop. Hustle." Using the side of his knife, the big tough pushed Shinji's cheek until he looked up at him, "Stop. We can't save everyone, no matter how hard we might want to. You saved the lady, you saved the kid. Take the win, and don't hang this on your neck."

He ignored the advice for the moment, his mind still unwilling to accept that he had done everything he could, "Kensuke, how's she doing?" Shifting his weight, he pushed himself towards standing, meeting resistance from Hikari moving to block him, "I'm fine, Hikari." Lowering his voice, he tried to whisper, though it came out as a raspy cough, "If I don't, I'm going to break down and cry in front of everyone, which isn't going to do good things for their calm. Let me do something."

"Shinji, you're going to go into shock," her fingers tightened on his chest, "what will that do?"

"I'm not in pain, you know that. I'm not losing blood, I've withstood worse, and I heal far too quickly to worry about this." Shoving himself upright, he offered her the arm that had fewer burns to worry over, "We have work to do."

+++++ 8th Angel + 4: Wednesday (55)

"Would someone kindly explain to me how it is that seven functional adults cannot keep mankind's salvation from running directly into fire?" Kozo had the entirety of his command staff standing before him in his office, and was slowly pacing back and forth before them, "No…no. Let's put that aside for now. He is, through some dark magic, able to heal at an astonishingly fast rate. He has cheated death time and time and time again, and so he will likely do so this time. What I want from all of you is a plan of action. How do we stop this from continuing?"

"We could pull him from school, assign him duties here," General Benoit kept his attention mostly on the video feed showing the area surrounding Shinji and his cohort. "None of us can deny that it is highly unlikely that he'll learn anything new or useful from spending ten hours a day there. Every report written on him by our staff is full to overflowing with new skills, talents, and linguistic tics that he did not previously have. He's a machine made for learning, and his time is being wasted."

"Pulling him from school is punishing him for trying to save people," Misato disagreed. "He needs to be seen as normal, not as some 'freak' that we cooked up to shove in a death robot and nothing else. With how stunted Ayanami-chan is after her being kept on base for over a decade, I'm not eager to destroy the next few decades of Shinji-kun's life repeating old mistakes. I may not be his biological parent, but I _am_ his guardian. I will fight for what is in their best interest tooth and nail. You can't say that what she did earlier today isn't a direct result of never being taught how to be a teenager."

"It wouldn't work anyway," Idunn shrugged. "Just today, here on base, we had six accidents. He's got a trickster's luck for being near potentially lethal situations, and he would have replicated what we're seeing there, here." She waggled a folder, "I'd like to try something…unorthodox. The reason my people won't stop him is because they _can't_ stop him. He's a force of nature, and on top of that he's extremely persuasive. Even I've found myself wanting to go along with his ideas, for how noble they are. Add onto that the fact that none of us could walk into fire, jump across a train platform, lift a jet…you get my point."

"Continue," Kozo rolled his hand, impatient for her to get on with it.

"We push forward their wedding." Offering the folder to Misato, she spread her hands, "Normally a courtship lasts a while. There're formalities, and getting to know each other in a more intimate environment, paperwork, foibles, all of that. If he's nice and married, he'll naturally want to spend all of his time at home where she is. By giving her advanced training out of the fort, leadership lessons like we're putting together for him, she won't have the time to go on outings where they'd get in trouble. They'll be a nice, calm, married couple learning how to not be quite so impulsive about throwing themselves into danger."

"Shinji-kun won't like this," Misato grimaced. "He'll see right through what you're planning here, and he'll dig in to avoid upsetting Hikari-chan. The situation with Kodama-san, and Maya-kun, not to mention the additional stress on fitting a wedding into the school year. It's a disaster waiting to blow up in our faces."

"There are talks underway to…ease some of those concerns," Kozo coughed, still slightly uncomfortable with the degree of manipulation of Shinji's love life that had been undertaken by the people who sent him out to die if need be, despite the benefits that had been accrued. "I've been given to understand that Lieutenant Chambers and General Benoit have been active in smoothing out some barriers."

"We have," Philip agreed simply. "There was a certain amount of enthusiasm for the idea from some surprising corners. The Princess that raised him to the peerage among them." Rolling his hat around his finger, he grinned, "The measure is being worked over as we speak, in order to allow us to better secure his services for the long term."

Idunn looked warily between the two men, "What measure?"

Misato answered, having had to sign off on the idea as his legal guardian, "Allowing Shinji-kun to marry more than one woman, should he and Hikari-chan so choose. While there's no upper limit on the proposal, it's intended for Maya-kun and Kodama-san, should she and Hikari-chan resolve whatever happened between them. Maya-kun was evasive, and I haven't had a chance to sit Shinji-kun down and have another heart-to-heart."

"Surely you can't be serious," Shinji's chief of security looked aghast, "please tell me that you're joking. He's _finally_ stood up for himself, he's put his foot down and told everyone that he won't subject himself to further abuses. Why would you enable degrading his marriage like that?"

Misato looked over to Kozo, then back to Idunn, "I'm not joking, and don't call me Shirley."

The Commander of NERV's Tokyo-3 branch, a typically serious man, barked out a laugh, "So you watched it?"

"I believe a great deal was lost in translation," Misato smirked, shrugging at the entire affair. "And poor Rei-chan looked nearly poleaxed the entire time, but yes. It took me a few weeks to find it, and I only had time last week to watch it, but almost a month and a half after you dropped that on me I now understand your joke."

"An 'Airplane' joke," Philip explained to his angry and perplexed subordinate, "it was a rather humorous movie from the late twentieth century." Taking the folder from Misato, he perused its contents, "Idunn, the reasons that we push for more than a simple union between man and wife are many. Knowing that, should poor Hikari's cancer resurface, Shinji has reason to fight on. Granting him the knowledge that should he fall in battle, good and capable women are there to support one another. Easing the rather traumatic discoveries he has waiting for him in the near future. The Princess herself feels that him having more children would benefit the nation. You can pick and choose which reasons we are pushing this upon him, but at the end of the day it rests upon a Paladin and his Light. If they do nothing with the offer, then that is their choice." Snapping the binder closed, he let his command presence out, "If they choose to add another fifty willing women, that is _their choice._ You are, as ever, free to make your opinion known to him. He enjoys your company, and seeks out your good favor. Pressure him because of your own past, and I will be left with no choice but to send you home."

The Norwegian protector glared at a spot on the floor between her and everyone else, "Message received, _sir_."

" _Bon_." Gesturing to the monitor showing Shinji moving about the shop, his burns on display, the old officer smiled, "We do not need to worry about the little details, my good Commander. We keep people around him we trust, we let him show the world what he can do, and when SEELE makes their move…we have an entire city that will fight by his side. He is learning, as I said. And he is a machine which takes in trauma and pumps out… _le bien_."


	68. Chapter 68

+++++ 8th Angel + 4: Wednesday (55)

After the arrival of the fire brigade, a few of which hurried into the store to check on 'The Hero that saved those poor people', Shinji was forced to sit down once again and let himself be assessed for trauma. A lanky-looking young man was helping the delivery girl, who was in shock from everything that had happened and was clinging to Kensuke bawling that she tried 'not to hit the kid'. Another older male was calmly checking over the toddler, speaking in subdued tones with Paola who was clearly ready to slap the delivery girl for her histrionics. That left, as was typical, a friendly middle-aged woman for he and Hikari to interact with.

"I'm fine," he sighed, tired of repeating the phrase. "I'm going in to see my personal care team once we're allowed to leave."

"That'll be a bit yet, My Lord," the woman apologized, a professional aura of kindness radiating from her. "We really can't let you leave before you give your statements to the police, even though they know where to find you." Her gloved hands probed the healing burns with a practiced grace, "I honestly wouldn't have believed it had I not seen it. You're something special, aren't you? I'd really like to talk to your doctors, see what they've learned from you."

"Speaking of," Hikari pointed to the door, "here's two of them now." A grateful smile shone from her tired face as she waved Maya and Kaz over, "Maya, it's good to see you. You too, Kaz-san." Standing, she latched onto Maya and began whispering into her ear. Though Shinji couldn't make out what, he could easily feel that they both were working on something that he'd have little say in.

"I'll take over, ma'am," Kaz dropped his kit by Shinji and slipped on a set of gloves. "If you drew any samples, I'm going to have to ask that they be handed over. Official protocol, for his safety." Crouching down, he began the same set of tests that the firefighter had performed, "How you holding up, Paladin?"

Letting his head fall back, Shinji droned out, "I'm fine." His voice still hadn't recovered, and the abrasive air he'd been exposed to had set back the healing significantly. _It seems like my body picks and chooses what it wants to heal, and what it thinks is 'good enough'._

"That was his answer when his skin was a lot closer to 'well done' than 'medium rare' too," the firefighter slowly gathered her gear. "Has he always healed this quickly? Have you been looking into the mechanism? Something like this could be good now, but quickly turn to cancer later."

Kaz looked over to the emergency responder with a firm glare, "Please stay where you are. Agent, search her. Recording devices, medical samples, notes. I want her to have a full debrief and NDA in place before we consider letting her go."

"On it," Shinji's shadow, the one not working on preparing a toddler to be handed off to yet another person, took control of the situation with the firefighter and left Shinji and Kaz to their own devices.

 _Is it that bad?_ Shinji couldn't keep the frown from his face, "Kaz-san?"

"Orders, sorry," he could tell that the man wasn't happy about it either. "Commander said if anyone reached you first, we were to assess them. Unfortunately, that lady has more than FR training. Or she's just exceptionally curious. Either way, she could try to sell or use anything she has on you from the tests she's run. She won't be leaving with her kit, but I'll try and make sure her unit is compensated."

"…Oh." _Why would I expect anything different? There's an entire street worth of people that saw me suplex a vendor stall. Who saw me walk through fire like it was nothing. People are going to be curious, and now I've confirmed I'm not…._ "How long do we have to be here?"

"Long enough to let Haraldson's people sweep the area, then we're heading in to the tower. Temple wants you in for a full battery and maybe some time in the tank to heal. Depends on how you look when we arrive, and how willing your ladies are to let you 'fine' your way out of it." Wrapping a heavy, LCL-soaked, cloth bandage around his patient's arm, the big Corpsman frowned, his thoughts clearly not focused around medicine, "Mind if I ask an honest question?"

"I'd prefer it," Shinji responded, his brow knitting. "I owe you all my life, I'd like to think that listening to your thoughts is the least of the things I could do to repay you."

"Are you and your ladies…active?" Sealing the LCL-soaked bandage on both ends, he injected a syringe into the meat of Shinji's upper bicep. "I'm not judging, this is a medical professional asking an important question about physical health, not mental or emotional."

"I…uhm," _Ask me to face down a giant monster? Fine. Tell me to run into a fire to save a toddler? Also fine. Put me on stage and ask me to address the class like I'm some manga hero? Apparently I can. Ask me to admit that I'm having sex with a beautiful woman? Watch as the Amazing Shinji Ikari becomes a blushing, tongue-tied, mess._ Unwilling to stammer out his response, he settled for nodding. "J-just…Hikari." _As it should be. As it_ must _be._

"Ok." Helping him up, Kaz looked over to Shinji's two housemates, "Never anyone else?"

He shook his head, confused as the competing thoughts in his mind came to his full attention, "N-no. I-I'm still, uhm…."

"Not judging, Paladin," the big man lightly squeezed his less-burnt shoulder, "there were some abnormalities the twins brought up after your field screening. I'd really like it if you'd come in for a more regular checkup. With all of the exposure you've had to far too many dangerous things, the last thing I want is for us to miss something growing that could cost you a chance at being a dad, should you want."

Ignoring the confusion his thoughts had created, Shinji's mind naturally chose to go to the most important destination on his end, "Is she in danger?"

"Unlikely, but if you're willing to come in and let us do a full workup, we can rule a lot of stuff out." Pausing as they were joined by Hikari and Maya, he gestured to Shinji's arm, "The bandage will hold for now, ma'am. But we really should get him into the Tower. Since he doesn't have class tomorrow, I was working on convincing him to let us do a full examination."

"He'd love to cooperate with you," Hikari smiled pleasantly. "Wouldn't you, my love?"

Shinji was familiar with a wide variety of smiles from the light of his life. Calm, amused, brave, serious, flirty, she had an innate ability to smile in so many different modes and manners that he was positive she could go an entire year without repeating a smile once. This smile, however, was the type of smile that spoke of unyielding disappointment if he said anything but what came out of his mouth next, "Of course, dear."

"We'll have you spend a night in the L-Nine," Kaz shrugged his bag higher on his shoulder, "come morning, we'll try and knock out the exams as quickly as possible. It's not often you have a four-day weekend, and I don't want to eat into it more than we have to."

"An entire evening?" Maya was well aware of the reason for Shinji's sudden frown, "I'll…want to observe that. He's had some odd reactions lately, and it could be diagnostically useful to see how his body handles renewed exposure for that long. Not that you won't be observing him yourself, but you know how science is. Can't explain everything until you understand the theory enough, and we're not on the maps when we're dealing with him."

"You and Hikari-chan are always welcome, Major. We'll be in his suite, with the big bed. Since he'll be in the goop, you two can have the bed." Kaz looked to Shinji for the approval he already knew existed, simply to cover all of his bases, "Sound good?"

 _Don't do it. It won't lead anywhere good._ He clenched his eyes shut, trying to determine why he was arguing with himself over something he'd already decided. _Maybe…maybe I can ask some questions of Nyx._ "Can we cover the glass over some? Floating naked is…a little embarrassing."

+++++ 8th Angel + 5: Thursday (56)

The first several hours floating in the L-Nine were, surprisingly, quiet. With nothing to do as the clock switched to a new day, he was mostly left to his own devices as Maya slept propped up facing him and Hikari slept with her head on the woman's lap. There was no voice, no presence, only a sudden halt to the itching and other odd crawling sensations as his flesh healed itself. He'd had blood drawn, swabs taken, and blushed mightily as a particular sample was requested 'at his earliest convenience'. _I…know they need to measure everything, but…._

Flexing his hand before his face, he watched as the old, dead, skin flaked away. _That's another thing I'm not sure I should be getting used to._ The blackened skin was nearly gone, leaving an increasingly obvious patch of freshly-healed flesh that lacked the sun exposure of the rest of his arm. _I'm glad they're asleep. As boring as this is, they need rest. Maya especially. She needs rest for when we tell her-_

The door opening drew his attention, and the familiar flow of lavender hair brought a smile to his face. _I didn't know I wanted to see her, and yet here she is…and I'm happier for her presence._ Lifting his hand up, he placed his palm flat against the glass before him, his smile growing broader as Misato slipped her work pumps off and skipped over to match his gesture on the outside of the glass with a girlishly youthful grin. _She's wrong for you. Don't._

Pushing the keyboard into place, she typed out her question to display upon the semi-translucent GUI the engineers had developed for those times when it would be necessary to communicate with the occupant of the tank without sound, 'How are you holding up? You have no idea how upset the Commander got when he received the report that you were playing Fireman.'

Shinji would have cringed, were it not for the fact that Misato seemed more amused than angry. Using his own keyboard, he responded in kind, 'I'm fine. I really am. I looked worse than I felt, and I couldn't just sit back and do nothing like everyone else was. There was a whole street of people just standing there, Misato.' His smile faded, 'They would have just stood there and watched that woman die…watched that baby….' A firm knock brought his eyes back up from the keys to Misato, and he saw affirmation in her gaze.

'You did the right thing. It may scare the daylights out of me, it may make me want to put you over my knee and paddle your ass until I can't walk straight…but you weren't reckless. You didn't run _through_ the fire. You asked that would-be paparazzo you go to class with for help. I saw you think, not just act. You promise me that you'll keep thinking, Shinji, and I'll back your play.' He could see the pleading in her gaze, 'Because the alternative is me burying you, and I don't know that I can handle that.'

'I promise,' he pressed his hand onto the glass to seal his word. _She was always like this…I just never gave her a chance the first time, and we got off on the wrong foot this time. She won't share you. She's like everyone else. None of them are like Hikari._

Misato held her hand over his again, then folded the keyboard up and laid against the container to hug him by proxy. He knew what she was saying without words, he could feel that she'd grown to love him in her own way. Their interactions were fewer and farther between, especially lately, but she'd maintained a constant presence in those ways she was able to while helping run the world's most complex organization ever. That Unit-01 was always ready for him to fight was sign enough that she regarded him well, the text messages and e-mails praising his grades, or encouraging him before tests? _It's like she told Asuka. I let her mother me. She's treating me like a seventeen-year-old…even though I'm a bit younger. She'll ruin everything. Stop saying that!_

Typing out another message purposefully, he left it flashing for when she wanted to see it. When she moved back, he saw her eyes flick to the three words, then the sad smile spread outwards. Her response wasn't electronic, nor was it audible. She blew him a kiss, and mouthed the words he never got to hear the first time through, the words that might have changed so much between them. When her shoulders sagged and she pulled out her phone, he knew she'd set it to buzz instead of ring, in case he'd been asleep. Turning it around she showed him it was a message from their boss, grimacing before tossing her head back towards the door.

He nodded. _It's not in our lives to see each other as often as we'd like. She's now more responsible than ever, and responsible for more than ever. I'm almost married. Making time to see each other outside of work is going to be nearly impossible…._ Watching her slip away quietly from the room, he felt a pang of regret. Now that he had the maturity and confidence to understand how to gain the types of relationships he'd desired, he understood that he wasn't the center of the universe. _I have to let them live their lives, even if it doesn't involve me every day._

The silence of the room seemed a little less grim, now. _Just a few minutes with her, the knowledge that she's not upset with me, that she's backing me up with the Commander…. She's so much stronger than I ever thought._ Laying back against the slightly reclined surface of the tube, he smiled happily. _She trusts me. She trusts me to think, to act, to_ live _responsibly. I should do something nice for her. Words are great, but actions…actions like what she gave me tonight. Leave her alone._

He saw the door open again, hope that perhaps she'd been able to spend more time with him rising and falling just as quickly as he saw who stepped through. _Kodama?_ A whole host of questions passed through his mind, though one cut to the front of the line as he saw her shadow eclipse Hikari for a moment. _Her? …No. She can't mean…._

Kodama calmly pushed the keyboard into place, a well-chastened, nearly downcast look about her. 'Hey Baby. I'm very sorry. I wish there was a way for me to get my sister to see reason, that you didn't have to be torn between us. How's the Sprout? I asked Nicolette-san if I could have her brought by the apartment, and she says…she apparently doesn't want to see me right now.'

 _Because out of nowhere you upend everything without one damn word to any of us! Because she's suffered loss after loss after loss, and the woman that's supposed to be her pillar of strength willingly tears herself out of her life! Because…because it's what I did after…._ Closing his eyes, he let his head float forward to rest against the glass. Typing out blindly, he expressed what he felt was safest, for now, 'Because you were the closest thing she has had to a mother, Kodama. She hurts. She's putting on a brave face, but right now she's at home with Jake and Nicolette watching over her. I realize I don't have a lot of room to talk right now, but this wasn't the best thought out plan.'

Feeling the pressure waves from her tapping on the tank, he opened his eyes and snorted at her reply, 'I know. I considered moving her in with me, but she loves you so much. Her whole life she's jabbered about how she wished she had a brother, and now that she has one I can't force her away from you. You know I love you…right?'

 _Though it cost you your happiness,_ 'I love you too…that's why we need to fix this. We need to talk, and not over texts.' _Didn't you already talk about this? You know how Hikari feels…how you feel. You still need to get rid of Maya._

 _Lover,_ Nyx' voice crashed into his mind, _stop._ His hands locked, as if they had been clamped into vices, and would not respond no matter how hard he pulled back. _This voice you hear, how long have you heard it?_ Controlling his fingers, she typed out a message for him. Moving far too quickly for him to follow along by feel, and with his head held in place, he could only judge from Kodama's face what the message entailed.

Her eyes went wide, 'She does?' With a frown, she seemed to search her mind, coming to an answer quickly, 'Ok. Ok, I'll give it some thought. You're right, Baby. We _need_ to talk. Being away from you hurts me terribly, and I miss your voice. I didn't know Hikari…damn it, I should have known her barb at me was more than her being angry at that bint. Why didn't Maya speak to me? I thought she and I got along well enough…whatever,' she shook her head. 'That's for me to figure out. I love you, Shinji Ikari. We'll figure out a way to balance everything, I promise.'

His heart hurt as she pressed a kiss to the tank before turning away and hurrying out of the room to be about a task that he could only guess at the nature of. _She's wrong._ _She doesn't get along with Maya. Maya and-_

 _Lover!_ Nyx slammed him against the back of the tank, _I'm very sorry. I know that this is a violation of our agreement, but they aren't playing fair, so I won't either._

There were few physical sensations in life that Shinji could honestly say he would have been unable to describe at least intellectually. Many of them he'd already experienced firsthand, and needed nothing more than a touch of eloquence to relay to anyone that asked now. Rapidly absorbing twice his body weight in an oddly formulated perfluorocarbon through the pores in his skin joined the ranks of the indescribably agonizing.

His body did not distend, it simply grew proportionately to accommodate the massive influx of liquid. Other than the typical increase in chest width as if he'd inhaled deeply, it was a distinctly abnormal appearing occurrence. For five minutes he sat paralyzed as his mind incoherently ran through the memories of the past two months. His vision swam, though only owing to the tears and pain, and his head rang. Alarm klaxons sounded around him, adding to the overload of sensations he had to rationalize, and the door to his pod soon slid out of the way to allow Maya and Kaz to wrestle him to the ground.

"Airway," Kaz barked. "He's not respiring. Pulse is rapid."

"Shinji, talk to me," Maya helped straighten his limbs out, "what's going on?"

 _This is unacceptable,_ Nyx snapped her fingers, shutting off his pain. Shinji's limbs fell limp, all tension going out of his body as his world went dark. _They accuse me of tampering? I created this entire world! I created this existence! I_ AM _creation._ He heard her snarl; _No more will I allow their meddling. What we do, we do for the best of all life. They will not be given the keys to all reality, and we will not allow_ HIM _to dictate how that reality unfolds._

 _I…I don't understand,_ Shinji's eyelids remained closed, and what he'd lost in the ability to perceive outside sensory input he gained in a sudden perception of the progenitor of his second chance at life. Standing next to him, looking off towards the north and east of them, was a nude form of someone he'd never anticipated seeing in the recesses of his soul, _R…Rei?_ _N-no, your hair is…onyx?_

Nyx turned, looking at him with a broad smile, _No, Lover. Though I can understand your confusion._ Stepping astride him, she sat down atop him with a sigh, _Please, tell me that I'm more attractive, though. She's…a lovely young thing, but distinctly tainted._ Placing the heels of her hands together above his upper groin to push her bare chest against each other and upwards with her biceps, she smiled appealingly, _I'm not tainted, don't you think? An eternity with me around wouldn't be so bad?_

He'd become so accustomed to his mind encouraging things that when there was nothing there, he could only spit out the first thing that came to mind, _You're unearthly. Like an artist's rendition of perfection given physical life. A spirit of power and authority…of motherhood._

 _Nnng,_ biting her lower lip seductively, she danced her fingers against his torso, _love hearing you describe things. Especially when it's me._ Scrunching her nose playfully, she began to sway to the music of his Song, _You've always had an intriguing view of the world around you, Lover. Like this,_ reaching to her side and snapping her fingers, she brought up a still frame of Toji with his fist cocked backwards right before he knocked Shinji to the ground. _Your mind offered seven paths out of being hit, and yet you stood there. You_ chose _to be struck._

 _There's…why is it so quiet?_ He couldn't move his body, though he wanted to reach up and take her wrists to get her to focus on the important matters, rather than the past he could no longer change.

 _Or this,_ she snapped again, showing the scene in the grocers. Toji made to headbutt him after finally losing control of his temper. _You could have dismantled him. Even then, your body was already well beyond mortal. Had he hit you, it would have done nothing more than cause some minor irritation. But you dodged, this time. You had already begun to see that peace wasn't an option, though you'd never consciously admit it._

 _Nyx!_ He called as loud as he could, _Why is it quiet?!_

She ignored him, _How about this,_ another snap, another still image. This time of the man he'd sliced an arm off of, the microsecond before he buried a knife in his skull to silence his song forever. _Is this what it takes to push you to act? Do they need to threaten_ , another snap and Asuka stood there in place of a picture, _her?_ Nyx began to slowly shift her hips back and forth against him, _Not much to look at, honestly. All gangly, slight of frame. Her breasts are rather small, her head a little misshapen, and that doesn't even begin to cover the disharmony of her soul._

Shinji frowned, _Is…who is threatening someone?_ The prompts were gone, and he was all alone in his own mind with the one being he had the least control over his time with, _Nyx, I can't hear my own voice. My mind is quiet. What did you do?_

Watching Rei's face express normal, human, emotions was jarring. Her apologetic frown, the way that she seemed truly sorry for having to force him to accept the lack of free will, it was all undercut with a sultry pout that further pushed comparisons with the recalcitrant bluenette aside, _I excised a cancer that had taken root in your soul._ Her smile transformed to one more self-assured, _You had a passenger. You no longer have that passenger._

 _The embryo?_ Shinji reeled at the thought that he'd lost such a comforting presence, _He's not a cancer! He's just like any of the other Angels I've defeated. He had no power, he wasn't even separate from me!_

 _No, you silly,_ Nyx batted playfully at his chest. _I wouldn't remove that part of you. I may be violating our agreement, but that would be a violation of your trust._ Shifting her hips backwards suddenly she quivered happily, _Mmm, I do adore your good opinion of me. Knowing that you wish to act as partners, as equals? Oh, the joy you've brought me._

 _Then…._ That he couldn't feel anything meant he couldn't know what she was doing, and as it was he had to try and understand why either Rei looked similar to Nyx, or Nyx chose a form of Rei perfected. It colored his perceptions, and he knew it, _Then what did you remove?_

 _If I had to guess? One of the many shards of 'Gentle', as you called her._ Nyx's shrug set her flesh to jiggling enticingly, _I wasted no time in identifying the source of infestation. My_ partner _deserves better than to be a boarding house for ancient relics grasping beyond their reach._

 _Gentle?_ Shinji blinked, _She's dead. At least, that's what Dark says. 'Gone'. I'm dense, but even I understand a euphemism for death when I hear one._ He once more tried to move his arms, the limbs remaining inert, _Nyx…what happened? What was this passenger doing?_

 _Tinkering with what belongs to me,_ she stated with a sneer. Her smile returned just as quickly, her hips beginning to rock faster and faster against him, _Just as I belong to you, Lover, you belong to me. You are my path to salvation, and I am your ticket out of being the harbinger of genocide. Your temporary dalliance with mankind is nothing more than the bat of an eye, as you will eventually come to understand. Still,_ panting she clenched her legs against him, her fingers tightening around his ribs, _I don't…want…bad…memories!_

Hearing her sing the last word out, it finally clicked what she'd been doing, _Nyx!_

Slowly laying against his chest, she purred, _Yes, Lover?_

 _Y-you…._

 _There was no penetration,_ she sighed with disappointment. _As much as I'd like there to be. I was simply marking my territory, for now. We're in your mind, Shinji. I could no more mate with you right now than you could impregnate your planet's native star._ The lingering tone of contentment hung from her every word, _We will be spending so much time together, it is inevitable that I partake of the fruits of my labor._ Shifting her head so that her chin sat atop his sternum, she eyed him mischievously, _Tell me that you didn't dream from time to time of the beautiful women around you? Lie to me._

 _This i-isn't a dream, though._

Winking slyly, she let her grin grow, _Of course it's not. It's a little taste of what awaits when I'm free to thank you. After,_ she let her face fade towards seriousness, _your time with your Light is done. You are eternal, Lover, she is not. It is a hard truth to accept, I understand, but would you truly spurn my company? The one who has given you nothing but the unvarnished truth? The one who pulled you, of trillions of versions of you, into a world where you could win? Find love? Friendship? Adoration?_

 _I…I don't know you well enough to know if we…might, uhm…love each other._ He couldn't deny she'd been honest, as far as he could tell. _I'm not some guy who just…does that. I'd need time…after she…._

Sliding up his front, she kissed him deeply, _I know that, Lover. That's why I want to put my name on your dance card now. Give me time, I'll grow on you. Especially since…well, we're stuck with each other now._

"Got it!" Maya's voice shattered the mental meeting, sending his eyes flying open and his body convulsing as what felt like lightning crawled along his entire body. "Cut it! Cut it now!" Her face, covered by a surgical mask, popped into his sight, "Shinji? Shinji can you hear me?"

Pain and confusion, pure and absolute, caused him to respond in the only sensible manner available to him: he curled into a ball and wept.

+++++ 8th Angel + 5: Thursday (56)

"And I'm telling you," Temple slapped the table, "she did _nothing_ that I would qualify as inappropriate." Jabbing her finger at the transcript of Kodama's conversation with Shinji, she glared at Idunn, "He told her he loved her, which could very easily have been familial and not romantic, and the problems Hikari Horaki brought to him. He made an effort to bridge a rift that had appeared in their family. Her response was that she understood, and would pursue a resolution. She did not touch any of the controls for the tank, she did not touch any of the controls for the pressure locks from the emergency LOX feed. Looking at the camera footage, you can see she touched the keyboard, the floor, and her lips to the tank. You have a problem with her being affectionate, take it up with Paladin, but neither she nor my people did anything illegal or immoral. To the best of our knowledge, and by the paperwork in place, she's _still_ on his fifty-three forty-five." The Senior NCO looked to Maya, her dander still well and truly up, "Major?"

"I'm just here to verify findings, Senior Chief." Maya held her hand up at chest level and shook her head, clearly fighting with fatigue. "Agent Haraldson has her own concerns, and I am a part of those concerns. So, I'm not someone to look to right now for perspective or opinion on anything but why our patient experienced what he did." _Especially not regarding how he feels about anyone or anything._

Temple stood up straight, crossing her arms and resuming her glare at the redheaded Norwegian, "Then unless you have any other evidence to present, _Agent_ , I recommend you get the fuck off of my tower before I authorize Kaz and Green to show you the window." Her eyes never moved from her target, "Your subordinates can watch the entrance from the ground floor. This area is off-limits to anyone except medical personnel and family as of ten minutes ago."

Mikoto and Akane looked at each other, then shrugged and moved to leave the area. Idunn barked out an order, "Stand fast. Senior Chief, I am still in charge of his-"

"Kaz," Temple's voice raised a fraction of a decibel, "kindly see the Agent out."

"With pleasure," Kaz stood from his desk, "Green, please hold the door for Akane-san and Mikoto-san. Their hands are busy."

"We'll handle it," Akane stepped forward, taking one of Idunn's arms while her partner grasped the other. "Come on, ma'am. Tempers are a little high right now, and we need to avoid a blue on blue."

Idunn glowered down at the shorter woman, "Agent you-"

"I am invoking clause eight," the former Section Two stalwart cut off her boss. "You can write me up afterwards, but it'll have to go through your boss. Or, we can all leave now and pretend this didn't happen. I'm all for option two here." Forcing everyone into motion, she nodded her thanks to Green who had the elevator door open.

"Mind the step," the even-tempered Corpsman urged as two calm and one furious woman boarded the car. "Don't want injuries, please." Once everyone was safely inside, he hit the button to shut the door and waited a slow three count before turning, "Mama, please tell me you're not starting a war here. Brother-man loves those people, and I really don't want to bring that kind of vibe to his dance right now."

"We're protecting his peace of mind," Temple kept her attention focused on the door into Shinji's medical suite. She knew that within the room Hikari Horaki and Misato Katsuragi were doing their level best to bring her patient back to a more even emotional state, "Major, I apologize for addressing you in that tone, it was unprofessional of me."

"I appreciate the intent of your apology, Senior Chief." Maya knew the woman was being a good leader, setting an example for her kids. "Though I cannot fault you for your full-throated defense of the man I love. I'd be a hypocrite to do so."

Kaz laced his fingers behind his head, hauling down on his neck to try and calm his temper, "At least you're open about it. There are times where I wonder if that's what that bitch's problem is."

"She's not jealous, man," Green snorted. "She's projecting. Classic case of it. Something happened in her past, and she's freaked all thirty-one flavors out about it." Walking around the table, he scooped up the tablet displaying the conversation transcript and turned it off, "Brother-man is just an innocent bystander that doesn't know he's her chance to try and change the past."

As tired as Maya was, she should be forgiven for clenching her eyes shut and letting her head drop.

"You love the hell out of those kids," Temple reached over, misunderstanding the motion and gripping Maya's shoulder tightly. "You're not exactly far removed from training wheels yourself, ma'am. If you're all making each other happy, be happy. Whatever is going on with her elder sister and her? I don't see Paladin being cruel to anyone. He's trying to find his way through a maze blindfolded, and he doesn't need people being…. We'll keep him here on a medical hold for a bit, if it will help. It's my authority against hers, and I know the Commander will back me if I say it's medically valid."

"His opinion changed so radically," Maya blurted out before she could stop herself. "He was happy. He was flirting! He hugged her, he let her be affectionate, and then boom! Soryu-san expresses her concerns and the next day he cuts everyone but Hikari-chan off. He's so worried about what others will think of _us_ , of his potential children…."

"Eh, it's only the odd ducks that have a real problem with it," Green shrugged. "I had two moms, my dad was a string of numbers on a vial of man goo. When we showed up as a family, people thought I had a helicopter aunt, or an older sister, until the matter was settled firmly by my mothers. If brother-man is needing a pep talk about how to cope, I'd be glad to write home and ask for a letter or two."

"Maybe it's Hikari?" Kaz looked to Temple, "I mean, it's their lives, I agree. But sharing the man you love with your sister? That might just be a bridge too far for her. She's pretty conservative, even for someone eager to be in a tripod."

"We'll do best supporting him," the Senior NCO waved Maya towards the door to Shinji's Lovely Suite, "while the ma'am engages in the fact finding. You need help, Major, you know we're always open to assist. Any friend, or lover, of our favorite patient has free rein to bend our ear."

+++++ 8th Angel + 5: Thursday (56)

Hikari felt helpless as Misato soothed Shinji's hair. The tiny Colonel holding the now even larger man they both loved, if in different ways, was quietly murmuring about her day. Something had happened to Shinji, something he couldn't, or wouldn't, talk about around anyone but those 'in the know'. However, pressuring Misato to do anything at all would be disastrous. It would serve no purpose other than to make her suspicious as to why she'd been asked to leave, or to do anything but act to soothe the fears of her legal ward, now son in all but blood.

Shinji, for his part, was nearly boneless. He hadn't spoken a single word since the crying stopped, and didn't show any inclination to break that streak. One arm was curled around his 'mother', holding her loosely against his side with his head placed under her chin, nearly atop a place most men would murder entire orphanages to feel against their face. The other arm was in Hikari's care, her efforts dedicated to simply being what she thought he might want.

Maya's entrance brought a bright smile to Misato's flawless features, trying to smother her self-assigned son with happier thoughts than those she thought might be circling his head, "And here's your girlfriend. See? I told you she'd be back, she just had to do that brainy stuff that you and I don't get. I'm sure Hikari-chan could tell us what it meant, though."

Looking over to the third leg of her tripod, the Class Rep felt her anxiety spike as she read the despair in Maya's body language, "How did it go? No matter what's going on, I can't believe my sister would risk Shinji's health. She's mercurial, not…malicious."

"Bit of a rift with Agent Haraldson," the drawn Major walked around and sat next to Hikari, leaning against her. "I don't know what it is with redheads, but…I'm not winning any fan favorite contests."

"Well, they just need to get over it," Misato declared, her maternal tones still firmly in place. "My favorite man deserves nothing but the best, and that's what he's drawn around him. If they have a problem with him loving more than one woman? They can take it up with me." Reaching out, she ran the backs of her fingers along Hikari's jaw, "Could you be the best daughter-in-law in the world and go get me a cup of the blackest coffee you can get your hands on?" Offering a tired smile, she winked, "Momma needs her jet fuel, or the tank goes nowhere."

Snickering a laugh, amused at the imagery involved in the statement, Hikari nodded as she placed Shinji's limb into Maya's care, "Sure. Maya? You want anything?"

"Two parts coffee, one part cream, one part sugar," easily reading that Misato wanted to have a talk without the freckle-faced beauty present, she went along with the order. "If they have some sort of chocolate, throw that in there too."

"I'll even see if they have marshmallows," Hikari kissed the top of her would-be girlfriend's head, "and if I run into a horned rabbit, I'll tell it you love them too." She wasn't daft, and recognized that this was a gentle way for Misato to gather more information without making it awkward on anyone. She easily accepted that if it came down to it, Shinji would be removed from _everyone_ to guarantee that he would and could pilot to save the planet. Acceptance didn't stop it from hurting, however.

As the door shut behind the Light of Shinji's world, Misato's face transitioned to irritation, "He's comatose. Checked out."

"Yeah…figured he might have been," Maya toyed with the fingers of his hand. "He absorbed somewhere around two-point-three times his weight in fluid in less than a second. Even he would have a hard time ignoring that pain, never mind us being able to see where he's put it with the growth." Trying to gauge her friend's mood, she offered a shrug, "I think we'd be best off letting him work through it with his ability to heal. He's breathing, he's stable, whatever he's dealing with it's mostly in his mind at the moment."

"I think we'd be best off if I knew precisely why he dropped Kodama," Misato growled. "I had a _long_ talk with her before I approved her moving out, especially after I discovered that she wasn't dropping her bid for his bed. What happened, Maya? And don't you feed me any of this garbage about privacy."

"Misato, that's not my place to say," it was Maya's turn to be angry, "I don't understand it any better than you do. Anything I give you will be supposition and hear-say, neither of which will do you any good. It's not about privacy, it's about him and Hikari choosing the course of their relationship."

Misato glared daggers, "Has he dropped you?"

"No, he hasn't," subconsciously clutching his hand tighter she scowled down at his elbow, "only because Hikari wants me around…I think."

"Bullshit," the lavender-haired Sub-Commander snorted, "Maya he loves you. I see it in every look he gives you."

"You misunderstand me, Misato. He loves Kodama too. That doesn't mean he's not going to prune branches if it will save the tree." Keeping her eyes lowered, she tried to control her anger, "Hikari's thinking like she always has, optimistically. Shinji's thinking the way he always has." Her lip twitched, "Like everyone around him is going to start beating him with sticks the instant he makes anyone unhappy." Clenching tighter, she dug her nails into his palm, " _Haraldson_ put it in his mind that he's a child. _Soryu_ put it in his mind that anything but he and Hikari is corruption. And you?" She finally snapped her eyes up to the woman holding the man she loved, "You distance yourself until there's a crisis and want to backseat judge how I'm handling things when we hit a roadblock?"

"I can't smother him!" Misato retorted hotly, "His growth has already been stunted by daily beatings! Abandonment! We're still not even certain whether or not he was _molested_ by the man! It's too god damn late for me to raise him right, and I can only pray it's not too late for me to repair the damage I can. I chose _you_ , Maya, because of everyone in this madhouse you're the only person I've ever seen look at him with nothing but pure, unabashed, altruism! Even I have to look at him from time to time as a damn weapons component, disregarding that it leads me to drinking myself insensate."

Maya was visibly taken aback, "Hikari most certainly-"

"Does Hikari have _any_ advanced training? Does she understand, and I mean _understand_ , what she's getting herself into?" Tapping Shinji's chest where the burn scars from his fight with the Fifth Angel were visible in the right light, Misato continued to press, "These are physical. Surgery, a few bandages, it goes away. The shit in here?" She tapped his head, "He. Needs. You. To be perfectly honest, even though I had a problem with it to start, he needs Kodama! You both have skills that you've acquired that position you to understand the unparalleled _Hell_ he is going to be marching through for the rest of his life. You both love him more than life itself, just like _she_ does, but apparently unlike her you're both willing to share. So when I ask what the fuck happened, Ibuki, I mean _what the fuck happened?!_ "

" _I DON'T KNOW!_ " Slamming down Shinji's hand, she stood up violently, sending the rolling stool she'd sat upon careening back and into various equipment in the room, "Every single facet of his history makes me sick to my stomach, Misato! He defies so many _basic_ notions of clinical psychology that the entirety of my schooling in that arena may as well have been fictional. He is rock solid in the Evas. Unflappable! He's a stone-cold killer! But the very notion of someone being harmed causes him to throw himself into danger to save them in a way that prevents _any_ loss of life, consequences to himself be damned. He both understands and undermines his importance with every statement he makes! Every single piece of his puzzle points to him holding onto Kodama so that he doesn't hurt her, and yet _he_ was the one that made the decision to cut her loose!"

"Wait, he-"

"Him!" Maya pointed at the still glass-eyed pilot, "Not Hikari. He can't lie to save his life, and when he said that _he_ made the choice he was telling the truth. It has been two or three days since he, out of nowhere, decided to finally raise his concerns to _Hikari_. He never got the chance to discuss it with Kodama, hell, he never discussed it with me! That's where I stand in this relationship, Misato. I'm the outsider looking in. I'm the wobbly third leg of a stool waiting to tip over. You say he needs me? I'm pretty damn positive the only one he needs is the phenomenal young woman we just sent for coffee!" She started when she felt something brush her abdomen, "Huh?"

"Need…Maya," Shinji couldn't put a great deal of strength behind the words, and his hand only vaguely obeyed what directions he seemed to be giving it as he tried to grasp hold of the irate woman beside him. "Not…alone. Please…." Two of his fingers caught between the buttons of her shirt, providing him enough leverage to pull her towards him, "Love…Maya. No take…please…. So afraid…." His eyes remained unfocused, his mind still not present, "Don't leave…."

Misato felt her heart breaking, quickly grabbing hold of Maya's collar and hauling her onto the bed atop Shinji, "Yeah. Listen, Miss 'Wobbly Third Leg', you comfort your fucking husband while I go have a chat with Hikari. I swear to Yebisu I'll shoot you in the fucking head if you try and pull something 'noble' like stepping aside. You three are a team, and unless you don't actually love him like he loves you, you don't abandon your team because of an ambush." Flipping the blanket over the two, she scowled death at them, "Admit your love _to_ him, Maya. Before it's too damn late." Moving around the bed, she caught Hikari walking back in with the thick paper cups of coffee. Taking both from her and quaffing them down back to back, she tossed the remains into the trash and took Hikari's arm, "Thanks, now come with me." The door began to close, cutting off her call of, "Senior Chief, I'm borrowing your-"

Shinji was many things, in Maya's mind: capable, dependable, and heartwarmingly gentle, among others. The one thing that rose above all of that, which she admitted only to herself, was that it was his vulnerability that most attracted her. She was still positive, even after weeks of introspection, that she much preferred the fairer sex. Hikari was the star of the lion's share of her late-night stress relief sessions, after all. Her near daily baths with the young woman, the kisses her girlfriend snuck in every chance she got, it wasn't an 'awakening' or a 'regression to mean' when she thought of sex with Shinji.

No, the man currently cradling her in his insanely powerful grasp as if she was made of nothing stiffer than spider's webs was a one-of-a-kind. Unique. A three-horned butterfly that would never be seen in nature ever. He was, for her, the perfect storm. And as he began to settle down again, withdrawing from the world around him secure in his possession of 'his Maya', she began to cry. "Why?" The voices she heard, the dark rumblings, the visions of him living in Misato's broom closet. Impressions of him running away, being ignored, being forced to kill one of the only people he thought of as a friend. Image after image had assailed her mind, and she could no longer ignore the truth: "Why do you forgive me for what I let happen?"

+++++ 8th Angel + 5: Thursday (56)

"Don't worry," not-Shinji smiled encouragingly. "We all stumble, from time to time. Let's try again." Helping Shinji back to his feet, the just-as-powerful, yet much smaller, copy of his youth kept his demeanor steady as they once more tried to accomplish the impossible.

"I'm sorry," Shinji panted, struggling to maintain focus on not exploding into fragments from the pressure he felt boiling within him. "You're a part of me…and I keep causing problems for us." Lifting his foot, he wobbled badly before he managed to set it back down, another step forward completed.

"No, no," not-Shinji shook his head. "We don't cause this. It's just like that lovely woman with the sword says, the people who beat us are to blame. We're doing our best, with what we have put before us, and we're not giving up. Are we?" Taking a step backwards, he kept a firm grip on Shinji's hands to help him relearn to walk.

"No. Can't give up." Shinji shook his head, mirroring the image of his past, "Hikari needs us. Maya needs us. Kodama needs us. Nozomi needs us." A second step forward took far longer than it ought to have, but was still successfully completed before he spoke again, "We have duties. Obligations. We can't let ourselves fail."

"Just so," not-Shinji nodded firmly. "Life will knock us down. Life will try to take what it can from us. Will we make it easy?"

"No," Shinji called out vehemently. A third step brought him forward, though as a consequence he had to windmill one arm to retain balance before he was back on his own two feet.

The black-haired, one-time Angel embryo kept his cheers enthusiastic, "We will fight. Others will demand we do what they want us to. Others will insist they know best. But what are we?"

"We are in control of our destiny," he took a fourth step, "we decide who we love," a fifth, "we allow them to choose to accept that love," a sixth, "and if they choose not to, we accept their choice and move on." On the seventh step, he lost balance and collapsed back to the ground, his head bouncing hard off the ground below, "S-six…six steps."

"One more than last time," not-Shinji crouched down and patted his shoulder. "We're making progress. You ready to try again?" He offered his hands with an encouraging wink, "Or are you going to stay down?"

"Can't stay down," Shinji clawed for control of his breathing. "They need me. I c-can feel Maya crying. She needs me."

The enigmatic presence helped him stand, "Then let's get back in the fight, shall we? What are we?"

"In control of our destiny…."

+++++ 8th Angel + 5: Thursday (56)

"You're kidding…." Hikari blinked, "My sister said that?"

"And more," Misato stayed leaned against the door, not allowing the woman that would be her daughter-in-law to leave, "a number of things I won't get into, really. I would not have approved her moving out if she was just pitching a fit. When she spoke with me, she was calm, lucid, and most importantly had a plan on what she wanted to accomplish. She agreed to rules, milestones, and was the one who came up with leaving Nozomi with you."

The middle Horaki scion balked, "Then why won't she talk to me? Why isn't she calling me? Returning my texts? I'm not saying you're lying, but I can't square what you're saying with what she's doing!"

The colonel's face showed her incredulity, "Really? When you two fight, what does she do, historically?"

"She…." _She retreats, when she thinks that she's going to cause serious problems. If she can't control her emotions, she leaves. She gets the final word in, storms out, and eventually apologizes for very specific wrongs._ Hikari sagged into a chair, "I let my anger win."

"We all do, from time to time," Misato sighed. "Why did Shinji choose to cut Kodama off? Maya…couldn't tell me, and Shinji can't tell me right now." When Hikari looked up dubiously, she raised her hand, "I'm not wanting to interfere. I want to understand. Hikari, I think you're a great girl. You are exactly who I think someone like Shinji should be with, minus a few of your less charming traits."

Hikari sat back crossing her arms, "Oh, really?"

"The view from my glass house is spectacular, little girl. I even have range markers etched into the panes, so don't start." Pulling a chair over with her toes, she sat down so that she still blocked the exit, "You are a born leader. Not a supervisor, not a manager, a _leader_. You can see what would best serve your kids, and you guide them towards figuring that out for themselves. You leave trails to greatness and give them the chance to learn how to succeed rather than just shoving them towards that success."

"It's what Daddy taught me," she shrugged, shifting her hands back to her lap. "He wanted me to cultivate good habits, so that I could maximize what he felt were my strengths."

"The problem is, you're trying to do that with Shinji. He is, quite literally, custom-made to respond very poorly to that style of command." Misato tapped her own chest, "I picked that up day _one_. You have to point him in a direction, tell him what you want accomplished, and get the fuck out of his way. He needs the starting point and the end point. Giving him breadcrumbs only serves to make him think that's what your goal is, which bogs him down in minutiae. He's got an intuitive grasp of tactics, a beautiful mind for strategy, but he's too detail oriented to hand a pre-planned mission to."

Hikari frowned in confusion, "But…if I tell him what I want, he gives it to me."

"And?" Misato snorted a laugh, "What's your point?"

Raising her eyebrow, Hikari accepted that this conversation was apparently as equals, "How do I know it's what he wants?"

"Is it what you want? Then it's what he wants." Flicking her hair out of her eyes, she shrugged, "You want what's best for him, and he wouldn't know what that was if it danced up naked in front of him shaking its cans and calling for him to mount and ride. He wants to be happy, and he knows that happiness comes from seeing you, Maya, Nozomi, _and Kodama_ be happy. I already have talks planned with Agent Haraldson and Pilot Soryu. Don't let him worry about that, and don't bend yourself out of shape trying to be what you're not. In the Eva? He's the Lead. In your home? You're the Lead. He'll be happier that way."

"So I tell him we're dating Maya, and then don't worry about his very well-founded fears that everyone will view us with contempt?" Hikari gestured towards the medical suite he resided within, "I tell him that yes, I'll hate every minute of it when I know he's having sex with Kodama, and I'll always compare myself unfavorably to my older sister, but I'd rather that she was happy and content than be happy and content at her expense? He'll be a walking guilt factory, and it will be all my fault."

"So that's it, then?" Misato frowned, "He's worried about public perception?"

"You sound surprised."

"Considering my plan is to carefully curate what the public sees and hears? And considering he knows I'm going to do that? Yes." She pulled out her phone and began to type out a plan, "So here's what you're going to do. First, you're going to tell Shinji _exactly_ what you want to have happen. Then, you're going to tell him that you want him to come up with _how_ that happens." She eyed her new protégé significantly, "I am going to fashion you into a woman to be feared, Hikari Ikari. You will learn how to adapt to any situation, how to take charge when necessary, and _when_ to let Shinji run free, and when _not to_. If you don't want your sister in bed with him, that's between you and him. But I think you need to give your sister some credit, because you'll understand why she did what she did when you and her are calm enough to talk."

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Hikari would not say she was 'dazed', though she certainly hadn't expected the conversation with Misato to go the way that it did. She followed the various paths the professional leader of men laid before her, seeing the merits and potential in following her plans to fruition, and the more that she contemplated ways to mitigate potential blow-back, the more she realized that Misato had her nailed. _She knows how I think, has me dead to rights with as little interaction as we've had, and she has a decade or more experience that I don't. No wonder she has her job._

When she walked into Shinji's Lovely Suite, much of her own concerns were unceremoniously shoved into a filing cabinet to be handled later. Maya was crying, quietly, and Shinji was cradling her with his eyes just as vacant as when she'd left to get them coffee. _Even at his worst, he loves her. Why can't she just accept us?_ Floating over, she climbed up behind Maya and hugged her from behind, "It's ok, Maya. It's ok. We're here."

"Please…just…." Maya shook her head, "Not now. Let's just wait for him to wake up. Then we'll talk, at home. Where we're all safe."

"We're safe," Shinji absentmindedly replied. "I'll protect us. Nothing hurts the ones I love."

Hikari smiled as he bent down and kissed Maya's forehead, _Can't tell me he doesn't love her, now. I've got proof!_ The thrill was tempered with the knowledge that her woman was clearly upset, but she wouldn't allow it to dampen her enthusiasm. Hugging tightly to her back, she planned out her requests. _First of which will be him telling Maya he loves her, only when he's awake and aware._

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"There's a certain amount of terror that I just don't think I'll ever be rid of," Shinji frowned biliously as he balanced on one foot. "I have access to powers beyond compare. I can control water, call down lightning, summon sharks! If this continues, and what you say is true, then I'll eventually control even more esoteric aspects of reality. I may not be human anymore, but I'm stuck with a human mind. I shouldn't have these powers, and I'll eventually kill someone accidentally."

"Which is why we're learning control," not-Shinji replied calmly from his spot seated upon Shinji's outstretched hand. "Nyx, as she prefers to be called, boosted your abilities dramatically, so we have to boost your self-control. We can do it, we just have to be patient."

"What about the letter? Hino-san said that none but life itself should control the forces we play with," Changing the foot he perched on, he set his free leg to swinging back and forth.

"That's not what it said. You aren't a shadow, are you?" The fragment of his psyche pointed to the lengthy patch of shade Shinji created, "You exist, you cast a shadow. The things that exist in your mind? You only see them _as_ shadows. That is most likely who Miss Hino was speaking of. If we take Nyx seriously, it sounds like the two other voices were and are attempting to control how all life across all of creation itself evolves. I'd say that's far more worrying than a single man who can bench press an ocean stuck on a single planet."

He had to admit the logic was sound, "True…it's not like I can fly into outer space and punch planets or anything."

"We are," not-Shinji added, "at most a threat to science textbooks. Can you honestly see us going around using these abilities to do anything but help water crops? Try and create renewable energy? Remember, I'm in your mind too, and all I see are ways we could help prevent resource shortages…." He looked slightly to the side, embarrassment creeping into his tone, "Well…maybe also scare the pants off of father."

"But we can't," Shinji urged. "We can't use anything we have access to for bad reasons. Suzuka would be disappointed…Nozomi-chan would be disappointed." Hopping back to his first foot, he also swapped the hand holding up the fragment before him, "I think we'd be disappointed too."

"Because we're better than that," not-Shinji grinned. "A quiet life, the love of a few good women, being the best parent we can be to our children? We can lead by example." His eyes widened as an idea came to him, "We could research how to restore the weather on our planet. Return snow to Japan, maybe even bring back some of the wildlife habitats!"

"We do know some very smart people," he mused. "I'm sure they could help us find ways to accomplish what we want."

"So," not-Shinji's voice softened, becoming serious, "how are you feeling?"

Shinji paused his motions, settling himself onto both feet while still holding his counterpart before him in the palm of his hand. The question was honestly stated, and one he felt deserved honest consideration. "I'm…better." Crouching down, he set himself on the ground, "I feel like I've been here for a year. I guess I'm just nervous that I'm hiding, that terrible things are happening while I get my legs back under me."

"It hasn't been that long," not-Shinji patted his arm. "What Nyx did…we needed a break. If we blundered out there, full of power and confusion, we would have hurt someone. We might have even hurt ourselves. It's better for everyone that we shut down for an evening, rather than the alternative."

"She…." He recalled the sight of her, of someone who looked so much like Rei, straining atop him.

"It wasn't real," he reassured himself. "It was a dream, or a nightmare, depending on how you want to consider it."

"It…was." He felt conflicted, unable to deny that there was still some attraction in his heart for the recalcitrant bluenette. "She was right, in that she is just like Rei…only…perfect. And I would never be able to truthfully say that Rei was something less than beautiful."

"And yet?"

"Was it real?" Pointing to the space the painting had hung upon, he tilted his head, "She put that image in my mind. All but declared that she planned on us doing that one day. While it isn't a pipe, the impression still makes me feel like I've held the pipe, even if I didn't feel a thing."

"A puzzle, to be certain." Not-Shinji shrugged, "We must think on it some more, then. Find out how we feel about the situation, and what we can do to shape the future to meet what we desire."

"Agreed," smiling, he decided to try something, "I love Hikari, with all of my heart."

"True," not-Shinji pursed his lips, amused.

"I love Maya Ibuki…with all of my heart."

"Also true," the simulacrum of his younger self grinned.

He let his smile fade, "I love Kodama Horaki, if only as a friend, and I don't know what to do about it."

"I would recommend caution with declaring her as the one casting a shadow across Hikari. You know well enough that the prophecies the Horaki family are capable of can be interpreted oddly, so we shouldn't jump at the first interpretation of Miss Hino's." Not-Shinji shrugged, "We have much to contemplate, but the answers are not in here with us, are they?"

"It's time to feel more pain," Shinji agreed reluctantly. "But…I can take it." Working his fist repeatedly, he watched the play of the songs around his hand, "I'm stronger than I give myself credit for."

"That, is most true of all."

+++++ Author's Notes

SK: RE: Hikari and Kodama

It's often said that there is no worse enemy than a former friend. I would hope, though, that these two don't walk down that path very far.

origamishishou: RE: Communication

That was ultimately what doomed the cast in the original canon, wasn't it? Nobody was using their words, everyone was acting as if everyone else somehow _knew_ what they were thinking. A few well-placed words here and there? You have a much different series that probably doesn't appeal to such a broad audience. The tyranny of tragedy, eh?

Starfire99: RE: Shinji and cruelty

I can understand how some may be of that opinion. I would not agree. Cruelty is callous indifference, and Shinji has been anything but callous.

Starfire99: RE: Training

I have been involved in more than one training accident where things just went wrong, involving people who could easily be considered 'Top Ten' globally in their craft. When training to defend against attack, you need to train reactions so that they occur without thought. Shinji earns the 'L' on this one for allowing himself to be distracted, even if it was because he reacted to Hikari without thought.

Martial Arts Master: RE: Mamoru

I'm pretty much done with that backstory in the story proper, so here's the explanation. Remember when Mamoru was brainwashed by the Dark Kingdom? Yeah, this time there was no 'victory' for the Sailor Senshi. Sailor Moon, despite having some real dark stuff, isn't Neon Gen _Grim_. So Sailor Moon existing in the reality with Shinji and Company? This time it didn't turn out so nice. Mamoru killed Mercury, then Jupiter, then Venus. Mars died fighting their enemies alongside Moon allowing them to 'win'. Poor Usagi destroyed herself eliminating the last of the threats to her future kingdom by burning out her power.

Sailor Moon is, ultimately, a story about how girls from different walks of life can come together and accomplish amazing things. There may be an 'alpha', but she's only as strong as the people who support her. Without that support…well, at least Rei Hino met the man that would prove to be the exception to her perception of that half of the species, even if as a spirit.

SK: RE: Happiness

You can't just hand Shinji the key to everything and expect him to know which lock it goes into. He wouldn't be Shinji at that point. He was lonely, so fate handed him Rei, Asuka, and Misato. He messed that up. Handed him Toji and Kensuke. He messed that up. He felt unimportant, so he was handed a starring role in saving the world. Messed it up. To be Shinji is to make mistakes, the difference in my story is that he's making mistakes while talking to others about those mistakes. A little communication goes a long way.

CynicWolff: RE: Training

Yeah, more or less. Shinji needs to know how to defend against losing his assets, and Suzuka agreed with him that he needs to stop training with kid gloves on. He's behind the power curve, and if threats are looming on the horizon that can't be stomped on by Unit-01, he needs to start sprinting instead of crawling.


	69. Chapter 69

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As the real world slowly came into focus around him, Shinji was able to place the people in the room by their songs and their scent. Hikari, the comforting lavender mixed with her love for him, was laying against him speaking in low, soothing, tones. Misato, gun oil and black coffee, was at the foot of his bed simply existing. Her song spoke of concern and caution, the flames kept low to avoid causing harm for the moment. Between him and Hikari was something of a surprise, as the cinnamon and vanilla of Maya was dampened by the sorrow of her typically even-keeled song.

That he held her was slightly surprising, as they rarely shared affection in public. _We rarely share affection in private. Public is pretty well out of place even with Hikari._ That Misato seemed at peace with the position of her subordinate between him and his fiancée ranked somewhere around the first surprise, though it wasn't unwelcome. _I shouldn't be surprised at how calm Hikari is, she really doesn't feel jealous over Maya. I may never understand her motivations, but I can't deny her affections._ The true surprise came with the first sentence he heard clearly.

"…will affect any children he has. It's why we need that sample, according to Temple-san. She wants to make it a mandatory part of the pilot's medical exams, and I can't deny that she's right. We have to preserve their ability to have children, all three of them, if we can." Misato toyed with his toes, "I want to see little Shinji-Hikari and Shinji-Maya kids running around calling me 'Granny Misato', damn it."

"Hard to call you a granny," Shinji tried his voice out, finding it just as coarse as when he'd been put in the tank, "when you're not old enough to be my mother." Prying his eyes open, he fought against the instinct to keep them sealed as even the dim lighting in the room stabbed at them with blazing knives forged of the purest plasma, "Maybe 'Aunty Misato', instead?"

"I'm still old enough to put you over my knee, young man," Misato's tone was far harsher than her smile, relief slathered across her features as she changed her grip from toying to ecstatic. "Worrying me like this. Why can't you do the normal things a young man does? Bring home disreputable women, drive motorcycles, skip school? Instead, you jump into fires and then absorb strange liquids through your skin."

"Nothing he's done so far has been normal," Hikari's song turned cautiously joyous, her fingers slowly tracing down the line of his face as she drew his eyes towards her, "why should he start now?"

The pain was present, a constant throbbing that reminded him of the link between him and his benefactor, between him and half of his heritage. Every time he breathed he felt the shifting just under his skin, every slight motion of his body was another signal to his brain that the new normal would never be 'normal', as Hikari had jokingly described. "Misato…can I tell you something?" _I need to take control of my life, I need to find out what_ I _actually want. What I feel. What was, and was not, everyone else._

"So long as it isn't 'I quit', yeah," she tried to joke, concern causing her emotions to slide back down again.

"Hikari and I love Maya," he blurted out without prelude. "Partly because of that, and partly because I understand very well how easy it is to overwork and have everything collapse, I need to ask you to do me a few favors." Shifting the major so that she lay curled against him, he tried to ignore the panic radiating from her, and the fact that she hadn't said anything. "Just as she stands up for me, I'm going to stand up for her now."

His lavender-haired guardian became even more hesitant, "Sweetie, you just woke up from a trauma-induced nap. Is now really the best time to-"

"It's when you're here," Shinji cut her off, ruthlessly. "We don't often have time together, because we all have our duties, Misato. I can't pass up an opportunity to move things where I want them to be because I'm hurting." He coughed out a tired laugh, "Or else I'd never get anything done."

"Shinji," Hikari sat up on the bed, running her hand along his shoulder, "what is it you want? I'd like to know, at least."

He smiled his thanks to the woman he loved, "We need to reduce her work load. We have a serious deficit of experienced and talented people. With the fate of the world at stake, I don't feel we need to keep one of the only people qualified to help Maya in confinement." Locking his eyes on Misato's, he spoke in a tone that hid nothing, "Ritsuko Akagi needs to be allowed to help."

"That's…a very big ask," Misato grimaced. "Shinji, this isn't like flipping the direction of shift work, we're talking about letting someone who in any sane world would be in prison out to work on materials classified beyond even my access. If it weren't for the need to maintain secrecy, she'd have been publicly tried and convicted! You of all people know what she did, we can't just ignore a crime because the victim says, 'pretty please'."

"That wasn't her," Shinji shook his head slowly. "Even if it was, she cracked under the stress of having an insane number of projects running concurrently. I'm not asking for you to return her to the head of Science, or even to let her roam the streets right away, but she is an unqualified genius and can take some of the pressure off of a woman I love. You are right in that I know better than anyone what she did, which means that I'm also the one best positioned to either argue for her incarceration or beg for her clemency. She needs a chance to prove that she's innocent, and we need everyone working towards winning this war."

"The Commander won't be easy to convince," she set her jaw, not wanting to say a flat 'no' but also not wanting to make it seem as if the task would be as simple as opening the door to Ritsuko's cell. "I'm not even certain I'm on board, yet. Are you willing to argue this in front of him?"

"I'm willing to argue this in front of everyone," reaching up to Maya's face, he ran his thumb over the trails her tears had created. "What kind of dog ignores the pains of the one it loves?" When her eyes clenched together, fresh tears bubbling free, he let his own pain show to the woman who would be his mother, "It's either you help me convince him to help her, or I go straight to Ritsuko and work on figuring out how to prove her innocence." Shifting upright, he handed Maya to Hikari as if she weighed nothing more than a child's doll. Standing, nude to the world, he set his shoulders and pointed in the direction of her song, "I think she's down that way. I also don't believe you have anyone qualified to stop me from visiting her, if I chose to do so."

Misato's eyes narrowed, crossing her arms as she tapped her toes, "I don't take kindly to being threatened, Shinji."

"A threat is something intended to cause harm, or to take something from someone, Misato." The gravelly quality of his voice added an ominous rumble to his bass, "I'm promising you: I won't allow anyone to threaten someone I love, even if only by inaction." He let his eyes soften slightly, "I fought for you, once. I begged everyone to let you explain yourself, knowing that you were misunderstood. That what happened in your apartment wasn't what everyone was making it out to be. You know I'd much rather we reach a balance, but I'm not willing to sit by and watch Maya suffer just to spite a woman who can't remember why she's been locked away."

"And if she tries again?" The colonel was out now, the mother not wanting to oppose her son, "What if she tries to kill Rei? Tries to molest you? Do we ignore it again?"

"Rei-san is your responsibility outside of work, my responsibility in battle, and Maya's responsibility medically. We keep her away from Ritsuko-san unless supervised, and we shouldn't have a problem." Reaching down, he picked up one of the nearby stools. "I don't think we need to worry anymore about someone touching me without my permission." With both hands he crumpled the metal and faux-leather seat into a mangled ball before offering it to his superior officer, "I've grown up a little since Jet Alone. I have people who rely on me, and I can't let my emotional weakness cripple them any more. Besides, I doubt Akane, Mikoto, Paola, or Claudia would let me and her be alone in a room."

Taking the now ruined equipment from him, she turned it around in her hands as she let her thoughts work through the problem presented to her. He could see her analyzing the issue from every angle, assessing benefits and drawbacks, challenges and pitfalls. "I go to bat for you, you do me a favor." Throwing the ball into the trash, she crossed her arms again, "I'll draw up controls and safeguards for a _limited_ release of Ritsuko if," she held up her finger, "you agree to meet with Kodama alone."

 _How is that related at all?_ He looked down to the side, his eyes saccading as he tried to marry the two issues, _Why would she be stumping for Kodama? Does she know? Is this just a professionalism thing?_

"He agrees," Hikari answered for him. Her smile was confident as he looked back to where she held Maya, "We can't put that issue to rest, one way or another, until all of us have a chance to talk. Kodama is angry with me, and I am most definitely angry with her. The fastest path towards us all sitting down to talk is you doing what you do best, Shinji. Make peace, and Misato-san promises to try her hardest to gain some relief for the woman we love, right?"

"Absolutely," Misato clasped her hands before her at waist level, and when Shinji looked back at her she had an air of determination about her, "those are my terms. Do you accept?"

Borrowing from the memory Misato had rolling around her song of a movie where two rivals agreed to work together to save their city, Shinji extended his hand, "We work together…or we all pay the price."

Misato took his hand with a firm shake and hints of the woman he remembered from the first time through, "I'll do what I can, so long as you do your bit." Looking over to the bed, she resumed her tone of command, "Major Ibuki, you are ordered to take two days rest and recovery. Miss Horaki is your supervisor for the duration, and I will receive a written report from her regarding your behavior during downtime. I would hate to see anything that would reflect negatively on your performance evaluation." Raising her eyebrow, she patted Shinji's stomach, "Find some clothes, talk to Temple and get out of here. Unless she needs you to stay, of course."

+++++ 8th Angel + 5: Thursday (56)

Arriving home as the sun rose, Shinji was once more in borrowed clothing. Akane was subdued the entire trip, her emotions and song matching in cautious anxiety, and held him back as Mikoto helped Hikari move Maya into the house, "Hey kid…how're you holding up?" She pulled out his phone, waving it, "Nanako-san says she's working on finding out what happened with the old lady. Thought you might like to know that someone's taking it seriously."

Accepting the device, he nodded his thanks, "I appreciate that, Akane. I'm…not fine." Without the prompts of the voice in his mind, he found himself simply doing what he felt was right, "I'm going to see that poor old man on top of that toddler in my nightmares. Or the poor little baby burning because I wasn't there…or wasn't strong enough, or…." Closing his eyes, he turned his face away, "I'm going to go inside and take a shower. Once I'm done, I need to go keep my word. Are you on shift, or are you heading out for the evening?"

"Still on duty for another four hours," she shrugged uncomfortably, not thrilled with the concept of him leaving the safety of his compound for any reason. Her song sounded strongly of worry for his health, "Where we going?"

Rubbing his temples, he tried to will the pain to quiet down, "Wherever Kodama is. I promised the Sub-Commander that I'd talk to her, and Hikari wants me to see what I can do to make peace." Snorting a laugh, he looked back to the woman who'd been guarding him the longest, "Who knows? Maybe I'll manage to pull off a miracle and come up with a solution that doesn't upset anyone."

"We'll be ready," Akane promised, unwilling to try and argue him down when she knew all too well how persistent he could be when someone was in danger, or he'd made a promise. "I…know it's kind of breaking the neutrality you enjoy from us but, well…."

"I don't want neutrality from you, Akane," he frowned, perplexed, "I want honesty. You, Mikoto, I know that the two of you won't sugarcoat things for me. But unlike…others, you also don't take firm sides on anything that doesn't involve people shooting at me."

"Whatever configuration of women around you," she hesitated, chewing on her lip.

"Please," he tried to reassure her, gesturing with his palm up to beckon her on, "don't start being diplomatic. Tell me if I'm being an idiot, it's easier on everyone."

"It was kind of hard to not overhear Soryu-san's rant," she looked down. "I gotta be honest, kid…I disagree with her. A good man like you? You won't abuse the love and trust they're offering. I know you likely said 'No', which prompted all of this, but maybe 'No' was the wrong answer." She shrugged, "Maybe there's a place between 'No' and 'Yes'. Cause I promise you, the three of us?" She gestured to the returning Mikoto, "Only way we separate is by crossing the river. Anyone wants to cause you static, cause your kids static? It isn't just the Italians that can get irritable over that."

"Besides," Mikoto added, gripping his shoulder tight, "if the only thing you're known for is having two, three, twelve wives? That means this war got real boring, really quickly. We kind of think that the whole 'Man who saved the world' card will drown out anything else."

"You go get cleaned up," Akane waved off any reply he had before he could begin to voice it. "We've said our piece. I'll track down the wayward Horaki, and we'll arrange a meeting. You have a preference on public or private?"

"Private," Shinji urged, "please. This will be challenging enough without gawkers."

"Will do," she nodded, turning away and moving around the car as Mikoto started making calls.

 _Between 'No' and 'Yes'…isn't that where I've been for over a month?_ Shinji sighed, moving into the house to be about his own tasks. The note on the whiteboard was the first thing he saw, indicating that Nozomi was with Jake and Nicolette heading to school. _I guess the elementary doesn't have the same holiday schedule as our school._ The lack of noise in the living area meant that the other two occupants were either in Maya's or his room, and so he decided to be cautious and turn off the hall light before opening his door to avoid awakening Maya if she were asleep in his bed. The sound of the shower running, as well as the trail of clothes leading into the bathroom, ended any mystery with a dull thud. _Should I?_

"Hey, Shinji?" Hikari's voice carried out into the master bedroom, "Could you grab the paper bag on your desk? I forgot to bring it in here. We're all soapy, or I'd get it myself."

 _Well done, Detective Ikari, you've cracked the missing person's case._ Rolling his eyes at the bad joke, he picked up the bag and moved into the bathroom. Knocking, he slowly opened the door a bit and called out, "I'm coming in, if that's ok."

Hikari's deadpan retort was clearly intended for Maya's benefit, "Eek. You will see our naughty bits. Truly, this is the worst of all potential outcomes. Maya, please protect me from the ravages of his gaze." Grinning over the top of Maya's head as she stood behind the woman shampooing her hair, Hikari flicked her head to urge him inside, "Get undressed, silly. While you're out doing what I suspect you plan on doing, I'm going to be taking a nap with our other third."

"Take a long nap," Shinji encouraged them both, setting the bag down on the sink and working his clothes off. "Maya, you need sleep. And Hikari, you've been pushing yourself too hard. I don't want you to overstress and collapse, you're still getting your strength back." With his pants the last piece to fall, he looked into the mirror and tried to make out any new scars or blemishes he'd gained, "I think…you can see where I was burned."

"I still think scars can be sexy," Hikari said cheerily. "What do you think, Maya? Doesn't it give him a ruggedness?"

The worrying silence stretched on for several seconds, the bob-cut brunette staring blankly at the ground by Shinji's feet. He was about to ask if she wanted to talk when she blurted out, "He's nothing _but_ scars." Her eyes were unfocused, as if she was recalling unpleasant memories, "He was dead. Had to have been. Oxygen ran out, and why? Because the 'great plan' she came up with was to drop all of the remaining N-Two mines into the Angel to recover Unit-01. Not Shinji, oh no, Unit-01."

 _The Twelfth Angel_. Shinji tried to recall everything he'd said about the fight, "I don't really remember, Maya. I was there, there was a glow, and then I was out and in bed. Everything else was from the AAR, which Asuka ranted about."

"She was furious," Maya's eyes widened. "Misato said it wasn't a rescue mission, slapped the bitch right in public. Asuka-chan sputtered and clucked, but did she do anything to stop them? No. She pretended to care, but ultimately did nothing." Looking up to him, she frowned, "Just like me."

 _The changes. Oh crap, they played the damn pronoun game on me again! It wasn't Hikari that was going to be changed,_ "Maya," he knelt before her, finally picking up on the discordance in her song, "Maya stop." _She sounds like Asuka. Like she's torn between realities._ Taking her face gently, he saw the terror, the sorrow, eating away at her mind through her eyes, "You are remembering a past that doesn't exist anymore. You know I'm not that Shinji, you know I'm _better_ now."

"Is she," Hikari came around to Maya's side, joining him at her knees, "how? How is she remembering everything?"

 _Because choices have power, and I said specifically that I didn't know what form it would take._ Dark landed with a crash of thunder. _Before you tear into me, an act I understand you will feel fully justified in doing, I would like to point out that I am beyond enraged at what that bitch did._ The shadowy presence held her hands out to the sides, _I didn't authorize it. I_ wouldn't _authorize that._

"I am not talking to you, _Dark_ ," Shinji growled. "One of the women I love is suffering right now, and whatever it is you need can damn well wait." Shifting his head until he was back in Maya's line of sight, he smiled his best smile, "You are part of the reason I'm better now, Maya. You've fought for us," he patted Hikari's back, "every chance you've been given. You stood up to Ritsuko when we thought she was just being mean. You aren't the same quiet, unobtrusive, Lieutenant. You're stronger!"

 _Shinji, I need you to listen._ Dark stepped up beside Maya, resting her hand on the woman's shoulder, _I'm trying to help you here. I know you don't trust me right now, but I want to prove to you that I'm on your side._

"They ordered you to kill him," Maya whispered. "Just…murder your best friend! I was so scared as he choked you. I didn't want you to die. I wanted you to live! But you wouldn't fight, you wouldn't hurt him…."

 _You need to use the Song of Hope._ Dark's hand whirled around the top of Maya's head, _She won't be affected by the power, but she_ will _be touched by your soul. Unlike the other pilot, this one has the added protection of your love. You treasure her existence, there's no real conflict in your mind over it. Let her bathe in your soul, and she'll settle down. She'll become more tethered to a single, coherent, timeline._

Glaring up at the otherworldly presence, Shinji let his wrath out, "If this hurts her…I will find a way to end you."

 _I promise you it won't,_ Dark's voice was quiet. _You might be an idiot, but you're not a bad man. I didn't want it to go like this._

Drawing in a deep breath, Shinji wasted no time in projecting the Song. The words, as always, were different. Each day, each morning, brought with it changes that meant the past lyrics were no longer in keeping with the Aspect he summoned. However, his recent brush with Nyx, the cleansing she'd performed which wiped whatever influence 'Gentle' had attempted, had amplified his power beyond what might have been considered 'normal'. In his desperation to heal her wounds he couldn't hesitate, and he didn't restrain himself as much as he might once have.

The Song traveled along the ethereal ties that bound everything together, crawling across the city covering kilometer after kilometer with the hope that Shinji desperately tried to impart to Maya. Traffic simply slowed to a halt, both vehicular and pedestrian. The entirety of the prefecture that had been placed under Shinji's protection as a Baron, soon was engulfed in the urgent call for a peace that extended beyond the simple desire for an end to suffering. Every man, woman, and child, every animal, every insect, every life that could comprehend sound felt an overriding urge to try being better.

When the song ended, two minutes and thirty-one seconds later, Shinji felt slightly dizzy. Fighting through the disorientation, he swallowed to clear his throat before asking the entranced woman before him, "Maya? Are," a cough worked its way out of him, "s-sorry, are you ok?"

A multitude of emotions played across her face, the final change landing on melancholy grief, "Why do you love someone as worthless as me?" Choking out a sob, she crumpled into Hikari, clutching the younger woman close and weeping brokenly.

He glared up to Dark, _You said it would help!_

 _It did._ Dropping to the floor, she sat slumped against the wall, _Listen to her song. You can hear the unity again, can't you?_ She waited for a moment before continuing, _I don't know what happened, like I said I can't explain everything, but she now remembers two lives. Someone like your Light? That's normal. Her mind was born able to do that, even if it's just in the future tense. This one,_ she gestured along Maya's body, _it was tearing her mind apart. Two personalities can't exist in a single psyche and remain peaceful, what you call an A.T. Field specifically exists to prevent that._

Shinji watched, keeping his silence, as Hikari comforted the woman they both loved. He knew that Dark was right, that Maya's song no longer sounded 'off'. However…. _How much of what I've been dealing with was this…shard, or whatever. How many of my thoughts weren't my own?_

 _I wish I could answer that,_ Dark answered, blowing her breath out through her teeth. _But, when_ she _purged that piece of my former colleague, the answers died with it. While the specifics are off, the analogy would be like trying to interrogate a corpse regarding its feelings on a television show it was watching before having its head removed. I have nothing to work on, and even less reason to trust what I can come up with._

 _How could you let this happen?_ He glared at the woman, _You told me I could at least trust you to not try to hurt me._

 _Shinji, how many of the people you work with can be trusted to hold to your morality?_ Her hair shifted, revealing the outline of her face as she tilted her head to look at him, _You all work together to defend your species, but are you all actually beholden to each other to that degree? I accept that you are owed an apology, and I_ am sorry _, I will do what I can to make this better. Not only for you, but for the future that's at stake if you push me away._

 _When one of my species commits a crime of this magnitude, all of us get painted with the same brush,_ he retorted. _My father's actions set NERV's reputation for millions of people. Leadership means accepting culpability for the actions of those beneath and beside you._

 _I don't intend on giving up on our cooperation._ Her voice remained apologetic, the typical swagger and defiance nowhere to be heard, _I invaded your space here, against what I'd normally do, specifically to try and help_ you _. Her life is ultimately meaningless in relation to the goals of my side. However, I've consistently pushed for you to be guided towards a brighter future for your species. She plays a huge role in your life, if you keep on that path. I'm not asking you to forget what that idiot did, I'm just asking you to not burn everything to the ground because of it._

Maya's crying changed tenor, moving from lost to simply mournful, though it still tore at Shinji's heart. _Will she recover?_

 _With the help of your Light, and some calm reassurance from you? Probably. She has a chance now, because you were able to give her something to latch onto._ Pushing herself upright, she stepped over and extended her hand, _Please accept my apologies, Shinji. I may not have been the one who invaded your mind, but it was still someone from my side that did. All I ask is a chance to prove that she acted alone._

Eyeing the appendage, he felt a sudden urge to slap it away. _I'll accept your apologies, once I know she's on the mend._ Standing, he took her hand and shook it, _For now…we both still want the Angels dead. Like my wingman said, we'll base our relationship on its adjacency to that._

 _I'll take what I can get,_ Dark squeezed his hand. _My recommendation? Try singing to her once a day. Repeated exposure to your soul space will shore up what she perceives as reality. That, and she likes your song._

"Let's get her to bed," Shinji cut off his conversation with the woman only he could sense. "We'll talk after you both have rested properly." He moved to aid Hikari in drying Maya off, scooping the smaller woman up and carrying her to his bed as Hikari toweled off and hurried out, "This…this is where you belong, Maya. With us." Settling her under the covers, he kissed her forehead, "Once I have a quick chat with…with _our_ fiancée, she'll join you."

+++++ 8th Angel + 5: Thursday (56)

Outside of the bedroom, with a towel around his waist, trusting the soundproofing and lowered voices to prevent most of the noise from bothering Maya, Shinji and Hikari coordinated their efforts. "I have to go," he shook his head. "I don't want to wait, because if I wait I won't do it. Things will come up, I'll get cold feet, I'm already uncertain of how I'll act when I see her…I can't put this off."

"I understand," Hikari smoothed her hands across his chest. "That wasn't what I meant when I said that we need to consider changing our plans." Her shoulders shifted slightly as she worked things over in her mind, "Shinji, I want you to do something for me, ok?"

Taking her elbows in his hands, he gave her a tired smile, "Anything."

"I want you to ignore what we decided the other night." Raising a single finger as she saw him go to speak, she pierced him with a quiet urge to be silent, "No. You said you wouldn't do anything that would hurt me. Your reasons for saying 'No' to Kodama and _my_ reasons for not fighting it more are all coming from a place that lacks significant context." She poked him in the sternum, "My sister moved out before we could speak to her. Now? I can't speak to her. She can't speak to me. We're furious with each other, and she's making unilateral decisions because _we_ made a unilateral decision."

His anxiety sat heavily on his shoulders, "I…I'm not sure I understand."

"That's where you are starting from, Shinji. I want you to unmake your decision pending what you two talk about." She lifted her chin, "The end goal is I want my sister back in our lives. How you get there? What that looks like? That's up to you. There is _nothing_ that isn't on the table. You know my fears, you have your own as well. I'm going to handle the woman we love, you're going to handle the woman you and I love differently. So long as what comes of this doesn't end with her sucking up all of your time? I don't care what you do."

"Hikari," Shinji cut off again as she jabbed him.

"Sweaty, straining, screaming your name? So long as I don't see or hear it, it's not my concern. It can't be, because no matter whether you and she have sex or don't have sex, I'm always going to judge myself against her. Always." Her eyes were hard, "So, my fears, my worries, they all revolve around what I told you. Don't let her take you away from us, don't do anything you aren't comfortable doing," she gestured back into their room, "and get my sister back into our lives. I don't expect it to be _today_ , but I want you to make it happen. Now, go take a shower, let me handle Maya, and we'll reconvene when you get back. If that's tomorrow? That's tomorrow. If that's an hour after you leave? Well…I guess we'll have to discuss what happened and come up with a plan. I want my sister there for the wedding."

He tacked a mental list of goals up, nodding slowly as he began to adjust his thinking towards what Hikari clearly wanted most. _Why now? What changed that made her so willing to set things out plainly?_ "I think…the wedding may be a ways off," he frowned. "I'd…uhm, I'd kind of like it if all three of us were…uhm…."

"So would I," taking hold of his hair and pulling him down into a toe-curling kiss, Hikari placed her stamp of approval on Shinji's thoughts. Her song screamed that she was ecstatic, overjoyed, with what she'd just heard. When she broke off the kiss, she let her eyes dance along his frame, "Shower. Now. Or I might not let you get dressed. I think Maya's mood might be improved by both of us laying nude with her, tearing down the last of her barriers might be easier that way."

+++++ 8th Angel + 5: Thursday (56)

Shinji was grateful to Maya for many things, but as he rode the elevator up to the apartment Kodama had been placed within, he was extremely thankful that the brilliant woman insisted he buy some clothing in 'too large' sizes. He'd still have to go shopping, again, but he had clothes that fit him. _Just have to do more laundry, I guess. At least for a few days._ The car arriving at his destination failed to break into his thoughts, _After the next Angel. That should still be a few days away. Things were pretty calm between the volcano and the blackout._

Akane coughed to gain his attention, "Kid? We doing this?"

"Huh?" He noticed the door sitting wide open, "O-oh, sorry. Thinking about clothes." His nerves showed in his smile, "Maya really came through, saw me growing again and stopped me from having to wear anything too small for me."

"You dial us," Mikoto assured him calmly, "we'll break in and extract you. No matter what, it's your life. You choose what you do, or don't do, and we'll back you up."

 _In other words, I need to get out of the elevator and on with my life._ "Thank you. Both of you." Taking a deep breath, he nodded, "Don't…hover. If she yells, or screams, I can handle it. She…probably will be really angry, and she deserves a chance to be honest with me."

"We'll be far enough away that we won't overhear," Akane motioned for him to move. "We'll also keep anyone else from prying."

Nodding his thanks, Shinji moved towards the door he'd been dreading. Down the outer corridor from Misato's apartment, which would easily explain the opportunity for confrontation that had prevented Rei from being in school. As he pressed the call button, he wondered how long she'd be gone. _I need to talk to her too. Get her to understand that while I appreciate her being in my corner, she shouldn't fight my fights for me._

Bracing himself as the door slid open, Shinji's eyes widened as he saw his former housemate, "Kodama? What the…." Reaching out instinctively, he lightly touched the angry-seeming bruise which covered her cheek, "I'm so sorry. I can't believe she would do this." _She slapped me. That didn't even leave a red mark for long. This looks like she started the swing from around toe level._

Leaning forward, the eldest Horaki embraced him, "Thank you for caring." Sliding back, she took his hand to pull him into her apartment, "Come on in, welcome home." Pausing long enough for him to remove his shoes, she dragged him through the kitchen to the sofa and table which dominated the living area, "I was surprised when they said you wanted to visit. I hadn't anticipated you being free, especially after what the news reported last night."

Allowing himself to be pushed down into his seat, he shook his head, "It's nothing. You know I heal fast, anymore."

"Right," her smirk was flirty, "that's why you sound like Old Tina in pediatrics. She smoked five packs a day for forty years to earn her gravel, Shinji. You, on the other hand, are inflicting this on yourself." Turning to the kitchen, she called back over her shoulder, "Tea, juice, coffee?"

"Tea, please," he listened for her song, and was surprised at how calm it seemed. _She's not angry. She's also not…being herself. Maybe we can talk without getting into an argument._ "So…uhm, how's it been living on your own?"

"Lonely," she answered honestly. "Instructive. Irritating, if I'm being honest with you." Coming back with two bottles, she handed him one with a smile before sitting down next to him, "But I know what I want, and I'm going to work towards it. Sitting back and waiting for everything to happen just isn't my style." Spinning to place her back against the armrest, she laid her legs over his lap, "I'm just glad you didn't come in angry. I can handle Hikari being mad, and I'm working towards Nozomi understanding, but you? I'd be a lot more unhappy if I thought you hated me for doing what I felt was best."

"I was…kind of still _am_ angry," he shook his bottle before twisting it open. "You didn't talk to us. You didn't let me explain my thoughts. Just left us, no word, no warning." Taking a sip, he used the pause to keep his mind off of the lovely limbs sitting enticingly on him, "You hurt your sisters, you hurt Nozomi-chan."

"Hikari hurt me," Kodama shrugged. "She thinks I'm too immature to handle being in this weird relationship we have? She's the one who has sucked up all of your time." Scowling angrily down at her tea, she picked at the label, "She took my idea of Maya and twisted it around so that you have everything you want from them. Home, school, work, you're always around _them_. I know you love me," she smiled sadly, keeping her eyes from his, "even without you saying as much. And I know that you came here today to tell me that you and Hikari, even if it is mostly her, decided that you and I can't be a thing."

"I came here today to talk," he asserted evenly, not wanting to get into the game of blaming anyone for anything when he was struggling to find a peaceful route forward. "To try and find a way to get you and Hikari in the same room. She wants you to be there for the wedding, she wants you in our lives." He paused, trying to find the right words to remain truthful, "I…want you to be happy."

"Time is the only way the first will be possible," she spun the top off of her own drink. "She's always had a way of getting under my skin, always been the best at whatever she did. I was an ok Class Rep, she's basically queen of the school. I got excellent grades, top five percent, you're the only one who's better than her scholastically. My few attempts at 'dating', if you even want to call it that, failed miserably." Lifting her tea up in a mock salute, she raised her eyebrow, "She brought home the perfect ideal mate."

Watching as she drank down half the bottle, Shinji tried to place everything he was hearing into context, "You're…jealous?" _Irony can't even begin to describe this._ "Kodama, she-"

"Isn't what we're going to discuss," resealing her bottle, she set it down on the table. "We are going to discuss my plan."

He kept his tone level, "If it involves me, it involves them."

"And that's fine." Her shrug was subconsciously flirtatious, "Remember, I'm not the one who's insisted that nobody else have their time with you. I'm not the one who tries to speak for you, who insists that they know what's best for you, who attempts to control your every waking moment." Closing her eyes firmly, she turned her face away from him, "Yes. I'm angry too."

 _Ok. The first step here is probably hearing her out. Hikari wants there to be peace, and she wants me to keep an open mind. I know what I can and can't accept. If I know what she wants, I can make a counter offer._ "What's…uhm, what's your plan?"

Her scowl faded, replaced with a warm smile, "See? That's why I love you." Reaching over and pat-patting his leg with both hands, she set her flesh to jiggling enticingly, "You listen. Even when I don't, you still reach for me, still try to hear me out." Urging him to drink, she began to talk excitedly, gesticulating various points animatedly, "So. I know that a large part of her problem is that she doesn't want to see you and I doing anything. Which, in a way, makes sense. I don't mind knowing you and she have done things, I don't mind not knowing if you and Maya have done things. She, however, isn't me. She's never been like me. So I moved here," she flung her hands out, "a safe place, with good neighbors, and no worries over your visiting."

"I _am_ glad you're safe," Shinji agreed.

"Now, my problem is that there is no balance. She's consumed all of your time since she got back from the hospital, and while I admit I came to enjoy being the center of your world at home, I'm not looking to stay in that position." Pointing over to a nearby white board, she indicated instances of the same month with different annotations, "What we need, is scheduling. A more free-flowing sharing plan might have worked if it were just Maya and me, or if the problem didn't have nearly eighteen years of entrenched irritation between Hikari and I, but we have to work with what we have."

Analyzing the calendars, he saw that each plan had nothing more than a simple number to name it, but the variations were all centered around a theme, "One weekend, two weekdays, except for that last week, where you have only one line through it. But why are there different days marked on the different months?"

"I want to give her options," Kodama took his empty bottle, setting it on the table. "I'd like it if our weekdays were together. That way we have at least two uninterrupted nights together, in addition to the weekend dates." She held up two fingers, "The second plan is my preferred option. Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, and she has the rest of the week with you. The holidays we share together. Everyone spending time as a family, with _no fighting_. Some holidays will eat into her days with you, some will eat into mine. But we don't fight over it."

 _It is a rather well thought out plan._ He let his mind linger on how it would work, eventually landing back where he'd been when he said that he couldn't include her, "If…if the only problem were sharing me," _'like some sort of rent-a-dick',_ he winced as Asuka's voice made an appearance.

"Hey, hey," sliding easily astride his lap, Kodama placed her hands atop his chest, "breathe." Smiling soothingly as she caught his eyes, she took a deep breath, "In and out, Baby. Calm. Out of everything I'm sorry for," she kept her breathing in time with his as she coached him back to center, "I'm most sorry for adding to your stress. I've tried for a decade to be the mother we lost, but I'm just not cut out for it."

 _She makes it hard to be angry._ "You need to get out of my mind," he laughed wryly.

"Nope," she winked cutely. "I'm a permanent tenant now. Can't evict me." Toying with his shirt, she sobered up, "Tell me."

"Hmm?"

"Whatever it is that made you go along with her, Shinji. Whatever fears you have that drove you to agree to what she told Suzuka," he could see her bracing herself, "tell me. All of my plans, everything, it's all focused on the fact that you want me around. So if you don't…please just spit it out."

"It…involves her," he warned her guardedly.

"Invariably," Kodama huffed. "What is it?"

"It also involves children," his mind struggled to come up with a way to phrase what he'd been thinking.

Kodama's eyes widened, "Is…is she pregnant? I mean, you two haven't been doing things _that_ long, and if she's already feeling morning sickness…. It shouldn't be possible, but we're talking about _you_ here. If anyone could make it happen, it's you." She looked down, "We'll need to talk to the school, get them to understand we won't accept them treating her poorly for doing what nature intends two people in love to do. Pre-natal care is too important, so she'll-"

"No!" Shinji shook his head, "N-no, not that I…uh, at least I don't think she is? She said she has an implant that…no!"

"Ok," she sagged, "Shinji, please don't scare me like that!" Pushing on him, she frowned, "Would you stop trying to put things perfectly and trust me to not go crazy on you?"

He returned her frown, "Which would be wholly unprecedented. It's not like you've ever done anything that would lead me to think that I had to be cautious about discussing my confused feelings about everything."

Picking up his hand, she placed it over her mouth and held it there, giving him a look indicating that this was what she felt would be a good compromise.

Irritated with himself, he tugged his limb free, "No." Both hands came to rest on her calves, "You know as well as I do that I'm…never going to be comfortable taking control away from anyone." Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, he dove into it, "I am afraid, terrified, anxious beyond all hope of reason, that Hikari will never forgive me if you and I…share." Looking at her, he could see her straining against interrupting, "That the trust she has in me would vanish. I asked her to look me in the eyes and tell me that she'd look at me the same knowing that you and I had…that you were beneath me, sweaty, straining, screaming my name."

"I bet she squeaks," Kodama snorted, unable to contain her commentary any longer. "When she gets excited, she's always acted like the little girl she never got to be. I can imagine that when you're giving her everything she wants, she gets really high pitched and squeaky." Rocking her head back and forth, she looked up to the ceiling as she thought, "She's probably been upset that you're so inexpressive."

 _They know each other so well, that has to be why it's so hard for them to get along._ "So you…aren't jealous?"

"Only of her time with you," she admitted easily. "Shinji, physical love and emotional love are hopelessly wrapped up in each other for me. I know you've figured that out. I hug my sisters, I'm very touchy. When someone makes me happy, I'm demonstrative. The kind of love she feels for you? It only makes sense that you and she make love. I'm not going to fondle myself thinking about it, but I'm not going to gag either."

"I'm also worried about children," he hesitated, already in possession of new information that didn't quite fit with the old.

"Yeah," Kodama sighed. "I am too. I mean, I know Hikari will want some. She's always been the maternal type. If she were the older sibling, and you and I met? This wouldn't have become the mess that it is now. She'd have nurtured us, claimed her spot without ruffling feathers, and nobody would be suffering. But me? I'm with you, kids are cute when you can send them home with parents. Or when you can play with them for a little while and not have to take them home and worry about grades, or discipline." She pursed her lips, "How does Maya feel? Does she want to have kids?"

"I…don't know," he tightened his grip on her legs slightly, "Kodama, you don't want children?"

"Not especially," she smiled weakly. "I mean, if you wanted to, I would. But only for you. Otherwise? No. I'd rather be the 'cool aunt', taking my nieces or nephews out to go see films Hikari or Nozomi wouldn't let them see, giving them toys and books they wouldn't, and sending them home happy." Turning slightly, she pointed to the boards, "I even considered that when I came up with the idea. You could bring them over with you once or twice a month, give Hikari and Maya a break, from time to time. I mean, it would eat into what we could do, but they'd be a part of you. I couldn't ask you to be a part of my life and ignore your responsibilities to your own children!" Facing him once more she smiled hopefully, "I mean, what kind of monster would I be if I did that?"

He considered her for a time, "So…no children."

"I'd rather not."

"How would…uhm," he hesitated, "how would you avoid it?"

"Tubal ligation," sitting back, she made snipping motions over her abdomen, "get the pathways cut and the eggs can't hit the uterus. If, for some insanely bizarre reason, I want to ever have kids? There are options." She grimaced, "Painful, but the options exist. Still, small price to pay to be able to never have to worry about broken condoms or forgotten pills. It's not like you're suddenly going to develop STIs, I can't see Hikari or Maya going anywhere else, and I've already sworn off anyone but you."

"That's…worrying," he reached up to touch her cheek, gently feeling the heat of her bruise, "can you truly not see yourself happy with anyone else? Am I the only means you'll find happiness?" Cursing his weakness when she cupped his hand to her face and snuggled into his palm, "I'd still be your friend, Kodama. Even if you found someone just for you. It doesn't have to be me, does it?"

"Is that what Maya's claiming?" She sighed, "That I'm 'obsessed'? Shinji," moving his hand from her face to her heart, she gazed at him with clear, steady, eyes, "she doesn't understand what it's like to feel what we feel. She loves you, I don't doubt that, but she'll never love you like Hikari and I do. Not once in the entire history of this curse has a Horaki woman honestly fallen for a man that was anything short of perfect for them. My father was flawed, just as you are, but those flaws never interfered with his marriage."

"Then why move out?" He carefully removed his hand from her breast, not wanting to send mixed signals, "If you know the arguments so well, why did you have to sneak out?" His anger wasn't the blazing inferno it was, the stench of failure had been washed away to an extent by everything else that had been exposed, but it was still there and it still demanded an answer, "Why didn't you talk to me?"

"Because all that would have happened was yelling and accusations." Her own anger was clearly present, though tightly constrained, "She would have accused me of taking you away. Of dominating your time. I would have done the same. You can share Maya and Hikari, Shinji. You can't share me and Hikari like that. So, I came up with this plan. I was angry, angrier than I am now, but I decided that if I was going to be forced to fight I'd do it on my terms." Tapping his nose, she grinned, "My apartment, your safe haven. I'll make it so my shifts aren't on the days you're over, and we'll have our fair share of time together."

"And what about the rest of the days?" He held up four fingers, "Kodama, you'll have over half a week that I'm not around. That I'm not there to comfort you, to let you know that everything's ok. You'll come home angry, overworked, and you won't have a partner there to help you through it. It's the same problem I have with Hikari, just from the other angle. The bitterness will still grow, you'll still come to hate me because I didn't choose you. It will be slow, but you'll eventually regret everything."

"No." Folding his hand, she shook her head, "You don't get to tell me how I feel." Maintaining her calm, even in the face of his anger, his fears, she held firmly to his hand, "This isn't forever, Shinji. This is just my plan for now. Eventually, I want all of us to move somewhere that we can live on the same land. You see us as growing apart, but that's because you've been conditioned to be that way. I see us all growing accustomed to each other. Think, when you said you were marrying Hikari, not me, what did I do?"

"You…deafened my ear."

She grinned, remembering how happy she'd been, "When you made it seem, earlier, that she was pregnant? Did I get jealous?"

"But you _are_ jealous," he countered.

"So is she," Kodama huffed. Tugging his hand to and fro, she shook her head, "I meant what I said, Shinji. If nothing else, I'm your friend for life. All I'm asking is for you to help me balance what I want, what she wants, and what you want." She smiled flirtatiously, "Is it really so bad? An eternity with me around?"

The echo of Nyx' words set him into motion. Recovering his hands, he picked her up off his lap and set her down, "I will talk with Hikari and Maya about your plan." Standing, he frowned down at the surprised woman, "I am still very upset, with you and with myself. I love you, and the call you gave me the night you left us without a word…it made it seem like all you want from me is between my legs." Stepping away as she reached for his hand, he moved to the door, "I think of you as more than that. I'd like it if you spent some time contemplating how your words made me feel, while I consider what it is you're asking for."

"Baby," she cut off as he spun around and pointed directly at her.

"That, Kodama, stops." He forced his voice to stay even, "You have lost a great deal of my trust. You will use my name, unless or until I say otherwise." Kicking on his shoes, he scowled, "You hurt everyone, no matter how justified you believe your course of action to be. But I think what really bothers me, is you quit on your family just because you wanted to pursue something for yourself." Stepping back through the door, he pushed hard to clear the distance to the elevator, not wanting there to be a public display of drama. _If I'm true to myself, I'm honest with everyone. I'm not going to treat her as an escape hatch. I do not quit on family, I am not my father._

+++++ Author's Notes

origamishishou: RE: Shinji and his second-degree nudie-grooving.

He is, and will be for quite a long time, vulnerable. It's a facet of his personality that's immutable, considering his history. The fun part is, he doesn't notice that his _physical_ vulnerability more or less has become non-existent now. This is the young man who during the 'toothpick gag' scene panicked. Here? He's standing nude to the world before one of the most beautiful women he's ever known without blinking. He's gained a great deal of confidence, he just doesn't fully comprehend it yet.

His time in the L-Nine was essential to communicating with Nyx/Lilith, and from a medical standpoint the people that are responsible for his well-being shouldn't be blamed for going back to the same substance that 'made' him in their efforts to 'heal' him. Still, that he's not screaming, kicking, and biting to avoid going into the stuff is further proof that he's willing to jump into lava to save those he loves.

He's a good kid, really.


	70. Chapter 70

+++++ 8th Angel + 5: Thursday (56)

Walking into his house, Shinji saw Nicolette working with Nozomi at the table in the family room. The American with the bright eyes and friendly smile was enthusiastically watching as the youngest Horaki puzzled through a problem on her own. Forcing the remnants of his temper away, he quietly approached the pair. He wasn't surprised that the agent looked up at him and offered a grin without saying anything before returning to her observation of his little sister.

"If this one is ninety degrees," Nozomi tapped one angle, "and this one is forty degrees," the second received a slower tap, "then that means…uhm…." Her frown was adorable in Shinji's eyes, the irritation she felt at not remembering the lesson clearly weighing on her mind and proving that the Horaki clan was naturally talented from eldest to youngest.

"How many degrees in a circle," Shinji offered, placing himself where she could see him.

"Nii-san!" The joy of knowing he was there evaporated her dark expression, "Uhm, three hundred and sixty."

"So if you draw a line through the center of that circle, how many degrees does that line encompass?" He held his hand out level to illustrate.

"One hundred and eighty, half of the circle," she blinked, then her eyes widened as she pieced together his intent, "then the third angle would be…uhm," she looked at the two numbers she'd written down, "fifty degrees! Ninety plus forty is one thirty, and one hundred and eighty minus one hundred and thirty is fifty." Scrawling the answer down, she jiggled around in her seat, "Because a triangle is just a line bent so that there are three angles."

"Excellent deductive reasoning, Miss Horaki," Nicolette's applause was quiet, instinctively seeking to avoid the risk of waking up Hikari and Maya, despite the soundproofing. "Do you think you can do the next few on your own now? I'd like to bring your big brother up to speed on everything, official work stuff."

"I got this," nodding confidently to herself and pumping her hands in the world's cutest flex, Nozomi poured herself into the lesson.

Moving to the kitchen, intent on starting a mid-day meal for everyone, he braced himself for more bad news. _Why would anything good happen?_

The junior agent, slight of frame despite the physical nature of her profession, moved to the opposite side of him from the door, keeping her voice lowered, "She's scared you're going to leave." Her entire bearing bespoke her incredulity, the concept seeming bizarre in her mind, "I don't know what happened, it is _not_ my place to judge. I know that the eldest sister lives next door to me now, and I know that there was a bit of a hubbub downstairs. I'm not saying this to push you one way or the other, I just wanted you to know how the little girl you love is doing. Since I doubt she'll tell you herself."

Turning a pot over in his hands, he nodded, "She's the bravest little girl I know. She doesn't want me to worry, and she doesn't want to cause a fuss." Smiling gratefully, he inclined his head in gratitude, "Thank you, Nicolette-san. I'll try and help her see that I'm not leaving, and neither is she. We're a family, and we'll face what's happening together as one."

The former pageant winner smiled endearingly, "Just what I hoped to hear. I'm very sorry that things aren't going smoothly, sir. But I'm not sorry at all that I get to spend my days protecting such a darling little lady. She's got a bright future ahead of her, and my little sister back home loves the letters she's been exchanging." Moving back around the counter, she gestured to the main room, "I'll go help her finish her work, if you don't mind." Her finger went to her lips, "It means Jake has to finish the reports alone, which is payback for him flirting with one of the teachers in school today."

"By all means," Shinji waved magnanimously, playing back with the agent. "You have my blessing." _Not so bad. I kind of expected that she was trying to hide her fears. It's good that she's doing well in school though, and if her only fear is me abandoning her? I can put that to rest easily enough._ Hearing his phone ring, he pulled it out and set it on the counter, tapping the speaker option after picking up, "Hello, this is Shinji."

"Hey," Asuka's voice came through the line, "it's Asuka. I…well, I heard there was a bit of a thing the day after dinner. Just…you know, wanted to see if…."

"I'm ok, Asuka. I really don't think I could be honest and say that you said anything I wasn't thinking to an extent," working the peppers through the sink to wash them, he smiled as he thought of how unlike 'his' Asuka what she was doing now was. "Mostly, I'm just worried about Nozomi-chan. It's a change, after a lot of significant changes, and I need to make sure that she's not hiding behind a mask."

"Heh," the redhead chuckled, "we'd know a thing or two about that, wouldn't we?" She hummed for a second before continuing, "I, uh, I didn't know that Hikari's sister…I mean, it's kind of abnormal. Everything we talked about, it at least explains why she was about to throw down with me."

 _She just wants to know that I'm not upset with her,_ "You spoke your mind, Asuka. It's why we had you over, because I want us to understand where we both are in life, so we don't have hiccups in combat. I hadn't promised anything, to anyone, despite what Kodama-san wanted. I've had reservations about it since the idea was brought up, and I've been back and forth over the same ground so often I've worn ruts in the carpet. While I'm trying very hard to keep her involved in our lives, I'm not thrilled with what she did. If she wanted to be in a relationship with me so badly, it makes no sense to me for her to up and abandon her family. I know _you_ understand how I might not appreciate that."

"You're damn right I do," she scoffed. "I mean, family is supposed to be there in the bad times, right? Your family, my family? That's the example of how not to do things."

"That's why we stick by each other," he grinned, "in the _Eva_ family. It may just be you, me, and Rei, but good times or bad, we have to tough it out together." Slicing the last piece into segments for cooking, he washed his hands, "I need your honesty, Asuka. But I also need you to understand that this is my life. I'm doing the best I can, but I'm also going to do what's right for the people I love…you included."

She was a few moments in responding, "Ich liebe dich auch, Shinji. Just…don't go abusing it, ok? If you have to include Major Tentacles…just don't be a perv about it. Please?" Her laugh was strained, "I'd hate to have to find out which of us is better in hand to hand."

"No contest there," he dried his hands, pulling the phone up to his ear and taking it off speaker, "you'd win. I couldn't raise my hand against you. It's just not how I'm designed. I promise, I'm not interested in building an enormous harem of women, no matter how eager some people may be. Only someone who we love, someone who loves us back…and even then, only if they can love themselves enough to tell me 'No' if I'm being an idiot."

"We're still going singing," she sniffed. "Don't think you're getting out of that just because you've got a little drama going on and your voice is sounding rough."

"I look forward to it, I want to hear the Great Asuka Langley Soryu put me to shame with her talents."

"Give Nozomi-chan a hug for me, and tell her it's _from_ me." He heard her tone become a touch more emotionally numb, "She's a good kid. And she needs to know that there are people around her that are there to support her. Uh…gotta go. Bye."

The line quickly went dead, and he sighed as he imagined her sitting by herself in her room. Isolated, alone, and uncertain if anyone loved her. Stretching his arms, he tried to change the 'tone' of the pain if nothing else, "I don't know what was me, what was Gentle, what was Asuka making sense…but I can't let this continue. Hikari asked me to bring Kodama around on my terms, and that's what I am going to do."

+++++ 8th Angel + 5: Thursday (56)

"Was that so hard?" Misato stood with her arms crossed, leaned against the door frame of Asuka's quarters, "They are trying their hardest to enjoy their lives. Something you might want to consider trying yourself."

"I meant what I said to him, Frau Katsuragi. He needs to be true to himself, and he needs to ignore busybodies that want to interfere with that." Setting her phone down, the flame-haired pilot glared daggers at her supervisor, "I think it's a mistake. I think they'll just end up pulling him in two directions. At least he was smart enough to not get involved with that hotheaded pervert Hikari has for a sister."

Raising her eyebrow, she fixed Asuka with an unforgiving frown, "And if he changes his mind and allows himself to love her like she loves him, you leave it be. His personal life is his business."

"I'm his friend, I get to speak my mind to him," though seated, Asuka refused to back down. " _He_ invited me over, _he_ wanted my opinion, _he_ stood between her and I when she got hostile, and _he_ walked with _me_ to calm _me_ down. He can handle a little criticism, Frau Katsuragi. It's healthy for him, and it has nothing to do with you."

"I'm his mother, it has a great deal to do with me when someone projects their own issues onto my son." Standing upright, she spread her hands, "So long as you leave it at friendly advice, we don't have a problem."

"He's your _ward_. His _mother_ died and left him alone with a psychopath." Getting to her own feet, Asuka made a shooing motion, "I've done what you asked. Now leave me alone, I have to work on my thesis."

Misato felt the urge to snap in return at the dig, but retained her calm and made an effort to include the young woman in her life again, "What's the subject?"

"Genetic inheritance impacting psychological development in post-impact children," her blue eyes were cold as she moved to her desk, "Frau Marlowe is helping me with the redacted cases."

Alarm bells sounded in the Sub-Commander's mind, "I'm sure you've logged the contacts, as ordered?"

"Of course," Asuka rolled her eyes, "I'm abiding by the rules. Now, out! I have work to do."

"Sure, sure," Misato held her hands up and backed out. "Let me know if I can help." _I don't mind, considering I exist…unlike the voices in your head._

+++++ 8th Angel + 5: Thursday (56)

Dancing with both Nozomi and Nicolette after eating, Shinji played up the ham for maximum comedic effect. The Little Lady of the Horakis was best considered to have the rhythm of an electrified chicken, but he was able to adapt easily to her wild flailing and incorporate her into the event as the star. It wasn't much of a surprise to him that the agent, contrariwise, was possessed of true grace and timing, two traits that would be nearly required for her to do her job properly.

Letting a distinctly tired Nozomi rest after half an hour of non-stop motion, he gave in to her urging that he and Nicolette continue to dance for her amusement. As she sat on the couch smiling broadly, he worked through several jigs with his dance partner that she claimed were well over one hundred years old. Switching to a reel, he matched her step for step without hesitation, letting himself go in order to best amuse his audience, and once more finding himself having fun.

Forms, positions, movements, knowledge flooded his mind as he gained synchronicity with the woman before him. When her phone, which had been playing the music that could accompany her dances, accidentally inserted a 'Big Band' 'Swing' track he changed the dance to match without hesitation. The rapid steps and deliberate hand placements coming naturally to him and increasing the glee from Nozomi. The song came to a close as he held Nicolette up over his shoulder, supporting her under her posterior as she flared her arms out, her knees cocked coyly to the side, her toes pointed dramatically down.

"I have to admit," Hikari hugged Maya, having watched the tail end of the dance while supporting the woman that they loved, "that looks like a lot of fun. I wish I had even a tenth of the rhythm you just showed, Nicolette-san."

"Oh!" Gasping as she realized how her actions might appear to the lady of the house, the youthful agent nearly toppled from her perch, forcing Shinji to drop her into an assisted catch, "Th-thank you." She tried to free herself quickly, nearly stumbling before Shinji took firm hold of her to steady her balance, "Uhm, I really didn't mean to make free with your man, promise. We just-"

"Whoa, whoa," Hikari laughed, "it's ok! You're just dancing with him, not _dancing_ with him." She flicked her head towards Nozomi, "The smile on her face just now? If you want to come over and dance with our fiancé to help her smile like that more often, you feel absolutely free."

Holding his hands on her shoulders, Shinji agreed in his gravelly rumble, "This was a lot of fun, Nicolette-san." When she looked back and up, he kept his grin in place, "I appreciate you spending your off time helping us have some fun." He stepped back with a bow, "I know you didn't do this to earn praise, but I will ask that Lieutenant Chambers helps me in writing up a formal commendation for you going well above the call of duty."

"I'm not sure how well 'danced with my principle and her engaged older brother, who is also a Tier One strategic and tactical asset' is going to translate out to an award write-up," the junior agent blushed.

"Provided essential morale support during post-trauma rest and recovery, expended personal time to perform professional services," Maya's voice was abstracted, though her eyes remained on Shinji. "Assisted a primary NERV asset in improving physical fitness, and promoted esprit de corps. I agree with his decision, we should use this as an opportunity to get him involved in leadership activities and to provide demonstrative evidence to our best people that exceptional service merits recognition."

"Still I, uh, I should go," Nicolette hurried around the table to hug Nozomi. "Thank you for dancing with me, Nozomi. I'll see you tomorrow morning, and we'll have to let Jake know what he missed by being naughty."

Hikari moved to transfer Maya to Shinji, blocking Nicolette's exit long enough to walk her to the door alongside her sister while whispering comfortingly about how she wasn't pretending to be unbothered. It meant the world to Shinji to see her take an active hand in maintaining the peace. As he hugged the chronologically unmoored Major, he began to unhurriedly walk her through a slow dance. "Dancing helped with the pain…it seems the more active I am the less I hurt. How about you? How much is calm; how much is numb?"

"A lot," the hand that he held twitched several times before grasping firmly onto his, the other latched onto his shirt as a lifeline. "I…everything is so different, Shinji. I'm…I'm younger." She laughed, disbelief permeating her song, "I'm younger than I was by the exact amount you're older than you were." She shook her head, "My birthday is different, I'm missing…significant life events, my life didn't unfold the way that it did before."

"I'm sorry," he spun her around gently before returning her to her place and moving their dance faster slightly, "I know I didn't choose this. I know that I'm a victim, but I'm sorry that you have to suffer because I…ran away."

"Ran?" She scoffed, hugging into him, "You were driven away! You were manipulated, abused, forced to endure living with…a very different Asuka Langley Soryu, given no supervision, no positive interactions…." She sat back staring up at him with a clearly haunted expression, "We were ordered to never say anything _positive_ around you, Shinji! When I once told you that you did a good job? I was reprimanded, _Ritsuko_ was reprimanded as my supervisor! It slipped out, and I was treated as if…as…Ritsuko…."

He nodded, agreeing that the topic of their faux-blonde colleague was a thorny subject for him as well as for her, "She's not the same woman, right?"

"Oh my peaches, no," Maya laughed. "Shinji, I don't know what happened between you two, but she took an interest in you from the start this time. It wasn't sexual, it was academic! She…it had to have been these beings, these…whatever they are! Even with everything you've told me, I still had to remain impartial and doubt what you'd said. I couldn't…Shinji, I'm a scientist!"

"I know, it's ok," he smoothed his hand over her hair, giving her his best hope-filled smile. "I'd expect nothing less from someone as brilliant as you, Maya. Besides…. There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy."

"I remember a day not that long ago that you would have butchered that sentence," she exhaled, worry and confusion still hanging off of her as she enjoyed the affection he proffered. "And here you are, quoting plays hundreds of years old flawlessly. What happened to us, Shinji? Why you? Why me? Why…why are we-"

Bending down, he pressed his lips to hers. Without difficulty, he hefted her from the ground to linger at the pleasant task of expressing his own feelings. _I love her. If she chooses not to love me in return, if she can't abide by our terms, that's fine. But if she thinks I don't actually love her because I never touched her, then I'd never forgive myself for hesitating. I'm done hesitating. It caused Kodama, it's harming Maya, and it isn't anyone's business but ours._ The pep talks he'd been given by himself marched through his mind, and after longer than he thought he'd spent kissing the only other human to now remember living two lives, he pulled away and grinned, "Because we are in control of our destiny. Because we choose who to love. Because if they can't accept that love, we wish them well and we let them live their lives."

"And we love Maya-nee-san!" Nozomi bounced up, hugging the Major's leg, "And she loves us!"

"She'd better," Hikari mock frowned, "I don't make a habit of climbing into bed like that with just anyone." Her grin broke through as she reached up and squeezed the elbow of the woman she loved, "We love you, Maya. This isn't a phase, it isn't a 'right now' thing, we love you."

Maya visibly swallowed as she tried to fight back tears, the words wouldn't come, but they were present in her entire bearing as she squirmed to reach the floor and pull everyone into a group hug. Time passed as the three shared their strength with the one, each providing the knowledge that no matter the struggles they would strive to the utmost degree possible to find a way to aid her in what bothered her.

+++++ 8th Angel + 6: Friday (57)

Maya combed her fingers through Hikari's hair as she listened to him speak, Hikari herself just kept the other woman's free hand in her grasp as she attempted to process what the man they loved was saying. It was odd to feel so detached from his own words as he spoke, but he'd restrained his anger for long enough that he could dispassionately share what Kodama had intended to happen. "It's more than 'Shinji, come have sex because your relationship is hard', and it isn't something she says should be permanent."

"You aren't happy about it," Maya stated with certitude. "I'd also…I realize I'm new to 'us', but I'd also like to say that you're right and I don't like it either. It would create a situation where if you were angry when you left to go fulfill your obligations to her, then you came home happy because you had a good time while Hikari and I were still angry because we hadn't resolved the issue, that all of us felt horrible for even longer. We're going to fight, we're going to disagree, and we need to not encourage coping mechanisms designed to inadvertently hurt each other."

Shinji's small grin of agreement preceded a shrug, "You two know me better than I do, Maya. It doesn't shock me that you came up with the exact argument against it that I had."

"At least she's willing to remain friends," Hikari sighed, irritated with the entire situation. "I don't blame you for leaving when you did. Her reasoning was selfish, even if her plan is to try and share…she's not offering, she's taking!"

"She's trying to find a balance," he sat back and braced on his hands from his perch on the coffee table. "I think we all can agree that matters." He shook his head, "I'm not going to let us gang up on her. We're all upset, and we're mostly upset that what she's done has impacted the people we love. You asked me to make this work, and I intend to, but I needed to know how you feel about this. If you have a counter-offer, if you think we can make something work."

"You're not in this alone," Maya agreed firmly. "If we're all in a relationship, then we all have a say in how that relationship forms around other people. What we'll accept, what we won't. Otherwise all we're doing is sleeping with each other, and that's not any way to treat each other."

Hikari's giggle wasn't hidden at all, "I _liked_ how we treated each other last night. I'm looking forward to treating each other like that even more often."

Shinji blushed as he considered how the 'sample' that Temple had requested was obtained, "It was…stimulating." Coughing, he looked down at his knees, "But Maya's right. It isn't _just_ about that. If it were, I doubt you two would love me like you do."

"If it were," Hikari grimaced, "you'd be with Kodama, and we'd be the ones out in the cold."

"We'd have each other," Maya sought to reassure the woman she loved. "Which is something I never thought I'd find, in either life." Looking down with a fond smile, she tapped Hikari's nose, "Miss Devil Fingers."

"Can you believe he's not ticklish!" Hikari burst out, "It's entirely unfair! He can have us both cackling like ninnies, but we try and turn the tide and he just smiles that warm, hope-filled, smile he has and lets us wear ourselves out."

Shinji picked up on Hikari's effort to prevent Maya from dipping back into the funk that had built up around her regrets of the first life. It was a situation he was all too familiar with, and didn't want for her either, "So, now that we all know how we feel, what do you think would be a good counter-offer? Maybe I visit her to hang out as friends from time to time? Nothing scheduled, but when it fits into everyone's lives?"

"Are you certain you just want to be friends?" Hikari sat up, hugging Maya close, though she kept her eyes on Shinji, "I don't have to like it, Shinji. If sleeping with her, knowing that she can't have children, will fill a need you have, then it fills a need you have."

"I don't think he's in a good place to make that decision," Maya countered. "If they do that, and he's not _completely_ sure that it's the wise thing to do, he'll regret it for the rest of his life." The way she looked at him heavily implied that she knew about his potential for immortality, "I think that being friends right now, and keeping any usage of 'Unit-01' to the three of us, is better."

"Well…that's one yes, one no," the Class Rep pouted. "I'm sorry, my love, it leaves the decision to you again."

"I wouldn't go for something like that right now, anyway." Tapping his heart, he shook his head slowly, "I'm angry with her, in here. I don't…I do things like that when I'm happy. To be happy. To _bring_ happiness. Or to cheer up," he blushed again as he looked at Maya.

Her own cheeks turned a shade of pink, "You, or me?"

"Both," Hikari nodded once. "Last night was a long time in coming."

"I told you puns get tickles," Maya pounced on their lover. Her own fingers, while largely limited to technical works, had a dexterity and elegance that Shinji admired from a musical perspective as she struck weak spot after weak spot on Hikari.

"It wasn't intentional!" Howling with laughter, the freckle-faced beauty kicked and squirmed as she tried to free herself from the rapturous torture, "It wasn't!"

 _Do I feel angry? Yes._ Shinji smiled as he affectionately chuckled at the women before him sharing their love with one another, _But mostly I feel pity for Kodama. She could be here, she could be enjoying being with people who love her. Instead, she's alone. I hurt for her, but I would never give this joy up for anything. She has to work with me, within what I will do, or I would always begrudge her for costing me this. We'd all end up alone, and that would be terrible._

He felt the pressure of Nyx against his back, as clearly as if he was within Unit-01's entry plug, _This is what they tried to take from you, Lover. As they pushed you from the Elder, so would they try to push a wedge between you and the Mouse. Your own thoughts on the matter allowed them the leverage to show you your worst fears with allowing yourself to enjoy the pleasures of the flesh._ _It was only your revulsion at losing the latter that allowed me to tell it wasn't truly you._

 _Nyx,_ Shinji fought against the dizziness that accompanied her presence, the way in which his thoughts raced ahead of his words. The world around him slowed down considerably as he held court in his mind. _How are you speaking to me? I'm…oh._

 _I'm shielding you from further invasion, Lover. You'll slowly absorb the life's blood, which I am sorry about the pain it's causing. Really, it doesn't matter what alterations they make to it, so long as you are within it I am able to aid you. The…what is that odd phrasing you use? L-Nine? It does well at eliminating microbial life, things which would cause you illness or infection, but is otherwise not that special. Were they to change a few more of the fundaments, it would be a nearly limitless energy source for your former species._ Idly running her hand across his chest, she seemed happier as she spoke, _They are charming children, aren't they? I can see why you chose them. Kindness coupled with strength. Intelligence with curiosity. They are not sheep to be slaughtered. They are very worthy of your love._

His balance stabilized enough for him to lean forward, _You…you're saying that this shard of Gentle pushed me towards telling Kodama 'No'? That the reason I was hearing my own thoughts mixed with…whatever, was because they didn't want me with her? Why?_

 _It was actually_ her _they wanted gone,_ his attention was pulled to Maya, who'd pressed her advantage and was now in possession of Hikari's foot, delivering a half leg lock, half tickle torture to the stricken woman. _I heard what the one you call 'Dark' said, and she's being honest enough. She sees a brighter future for you, or for everyone, with you and the Mouse unified. Not everyone on her side wants my children to thrive. They view them as a threat._

 _Then why? Why Kodama, and not Maya?_ He tried to piece the logic together, _What did they gain by pushing me the way they did?_

 _Because the Elder was a convenient way to frame the entire issue, I would presume. It may very well not be the Mouse herself that improves things for everyone, it could be your children. But your fears of having children, coupled with your fears of driving your Light away, made it easier to convince you that anyone else was too great a risk._ She tapped his chin, _It almost worked, didn't it? You could feel it taking root in your mind. No others, just you and your Light. Alone. Isolated. Much easier to convince you to simply leave this world with them, to control your destiny._

 _Leave this world?_ He frowned, _I wouldn't. I need to help. I need to fix everything. The weather, the plants and animals. I have a responsibility! I can use the powers I've been gaining to set things right, if we learn how to control them._

 _Mmmm,_ she purred into his ear, _and you will. Just stick with me, Lover. We'll set everything right. Now, enjoy the love you have fought so hard for while I am about the other less…pleasurable tasks. Matarael is already stirring, and you will soon need to defend our children from his evil._

Life sped up again as her presence faded, his thoughts slowing back to a more normal pace. The desire to share what he'd just learned grew, but he couldn't see how bringing everyone's mood back down would serve anything. Though he was momentarily concerned when Maya appeared to have the beginnings of a headache. _Ultimately, I'm still not going to rush out to embrace what Kodama chose to do. Yes, I was going to say 'No' to her. Until I can say for sure whether it was all my own thoughts or not, I'm not going to change what I do. It wouldn't be fair to her to give her a hope that I can't pay off._

+++++ 8th Angel + 6: Friday (57)

Shinji sat working through the letters he'd received from the Fleet as he drank the last of a large mug of the coffee Hikari had prepared for him, carefully reading each one several times before beginning a response. Many were statements of gratitude, lives he'd saved reaching out to the man responsible for them still drawing breath. Most led with an apology for not being able to communicate with him in Japanese, a fact that he didn't find prohibitive to communication any longer. Russian, Georgian, French, German, Somali, English, Spanish, with a little concentration they all resolved into well-ordered translations in his mind.

As Maya and Hikari worked nearby through one of the lessons the Class Rep had been given by Misato, he smiled as he finished reading a letter from the engineer that had been trapped beneath the plane's wing. The envelope had gone from the hospital he'd been recovering in, at a base in a state called 'Maryland' in the United States, to 'California' where he would soon be stationed out of, another state on the other side of the massive country, receiving a security screening and addendum from the person's commander adding her gratitude that Shinji was there to save her Sailor's life, to 'Hawai'i', a third state, to Yokosuka, to the Fleet, back to Yokosuka, then to NERV where Kelly had picked it up.

"You've travelled some," he chuckled to the envelope, a heavy-duty paper that had fortunately weathered the journey with only superficial damage. The picture inside, of the young man lying in a hospital bed with his mother standing to one side and his sister to the other, greatly increased his mood. _I saved him. They can yell at me all they want for taking risks…I saved him._ Putting pen to paper, he wrote out his hopes that the man would continue to recover and be able to continue doing what he wished in life without significant impairment.

Looking back to the picture, he paused, "We need to take a picture. We need copies of that picture." Looking across the table to his loves, he spun his pen, "I've received several, in these letters. I haven't sealed the envelopes yet, so it's not a problem to add one. But I think we should share as they have, shouldn't we?"

"Call your EA," Maya shrugged. "That's what she's there for, Shinji." She flicked a finger towards his phone, "You're a big boy, you don't need Hikari's and my permission to enact everything and it's perfectly fine for you to say you want something to happen and ask us to suck up and do it." Her smile took the edge off the criticism, "I'll wear my uniform, Hikari will wear one of her many lovely dresses that she fills out better than I ever could, and we'll find something suitably professional for you and adorable for Nozomi-chan."

"Our fiancée is right," Hikari nodded. "If you think something should be done, do what you can to make it happen. You have good ideas, and if we honestly think you're being silly we'll talk to you about it on our own. We're not slaves, and we know that." Bumping Maya with her shoulder she grinned, "But I think I might change her plan some. I have a few dresses that she'd look fantastic in, and I want a picture of all of us looking like a family."

His smile turned shy as he felt the warm encouragement that he step beyond the boundaries he'd set himself, for himself, by himself. As hard as it was on Maya, she still wasn't letting it eat away at her to the point of wallowing. _She's far stronger than I am. And she's absolutely right. I need to be firm, even with the women I love most._ Reaching for his phone, he dialed the Lieutenant.

She picked up after two rings, her voice clearly slightly out of breath, "Good morning, sir! What can I do for you today?"

"Are you all right, Kelly-san?" He tried not to overreact, but he also didn't want to seem as if he didn't care about the well-being of one of the people who worked hardest for everyone.

"Working out," she laughed. "I'm on the track. It's no problem, sir, I promise. What can I do for you?"

"Oh. Ok," he made a note to perhaps go running with her at some point. _It would be a good 'leadership' thing to do. Maybe involve Rei and Asuka? Need to write that down,_ "I was wanting a picture of myself, Nozomi-chan, Hikari, and Maya. I've been going through the letters from the Fleet, and many have sent a picture of themselves and their family or friends. I wanted to reciprocate, but don't have anything really to send."

"I can make that happen," she replied easily. "If you wouldn't mind giving me until tomorrow, I can arrange it to be taken here on base. The Commander wants you to give another short interview sometime around oh-nine about the events in the market, as well as an award presentation from the city and the family of the young boy that will be covered by the same stations, short notice and I'm sorry about that. I was actually planning on calling you after I finished this ten K."

"We'd…uhm, we'd have to pull Nozomi-chan out of class," he wasn't thrilled at the additional tasks, nor was he certain he was ready to face the family of the grandfather. "I'll talk with her school, make certain that it wouldn't unduly disrupt what her teachers have planned." Taking a deep breath, he made the decision mentally to commit to his own idea, "Make it happen, Kelly-san. I'd like to have our names printed on the back with phonetics from various languages if that wouldn't cause problems with security."

The sound of the air flowing past her headset never slowed, "Absolutely, I'll forward the schedule to your mail. Please pass on my regards to your household, sir. I heard Major Ibuki fell ill, if she needs anything have her people talk to me and I'll do what I can."

"I will, thank you, Kelly-san. I'll see you tomorrow." Hanging up after she acknowledged his farewell, he set his phone back down and picked up his pen, "So, tomorrow is going to be busy."

Hikari looked over, watching him twirl the back of the pen as he reread what he'd written down, "Busy how?"

"Another interview, award ceremony, picture that I asked for," he frowned, _I have obligations. I need to not be negative about them. I can either grow up, or I can pout like the child that Idunn sees me as._ "The Commander wants us to continue pressing on the 'hearts and minds' issue, I guess." Lifting his eyes to Maya, he kept his face neutral, "You're still wearing a dress."

"Am I?" Her eyes showed that she was playing along, even though her tone was challenging, "Is that an _order_ Lead Pilot Ikari? You, if I remember the hierarchy correctly, don't have that authority."

"You are," setting his pen down, he stood from the table. "And we're going to go purchase one now. Let's make sure we look sharp. If they're going to pin the salvation of the world on us, we at least need to look like we're serious about it." He smirked, "Besides, I'd like to see you in pink. Hikari doesn't have any pink dresses."

"I look atrocious in pink," his first love grimaced cutely. "I mean, sallow, jaundiced, _terrible_ in pink."

Maya shook her head, regretful that she had to decline after playing along, "If it's at the base I really-"

"Will impress a number of people with how you look," Shinji cut her off. _If they want me to show I can ask, then I will ask for things. I'm done being passive._ "We could even find a salon that will take a short-notice appointment, have both of your hair done."

"And yours," Hikari pointed at him, lowering her head to look up at him significantly, "you may not be able to cut it, but you can at least have it professionally washed and cleaned." Setting down the tablet that she'd been using to read, she stood as well, "You go ahead and ask Paola if they'll be all right with us leaving on short notice, and Maya and I will get ready to leave."

"But," Maya stopped as Shinji picked up his phone and pointed it at her.

"I'll call Misato now, and have _her_ make it an order." Raising his eyebrow, he waggled the device, "You don't get excuses either, Maya. We don't have to make a production out of things, or an announcement, or fly banners in the sky, but we are not going to hide ourselves. You. Are. Ours."

"And I couldn't have said it better myself," Hikari latched onto Maya's side, hugging her close. "I will not live my life in a closet, if people have a problem with our choices, then they don't need to be in our lives. And that's that."

+++++ 8th Angel + 6: Friday (57)

It was the same spa-salon, fortunately for Shinji, that had an availability for three people to be cared for. When they arrived, the owner enthusiastically welcomed him for the first time, and the 'lovely ladies' for a second time. Standing by him as he waited for Maya and Hikari to introduce themselves to the staff and explain what they wanted to have done to their hair and nails, she quietly whispered a request to speak to him for a moment.

He let himself be guided to a small office, nodding to Paola as she took up a position where she could see him but wouldn't be overhearing if the discussion was intended to be private. "Is there a problem, ma'am?" He maintained a friendly tone, hoping that this wasn't anything more than an attempt at once more requesting to provide a discount, "I hope we haven't inconvenienced you."

"No, no, no," she waved before her rather impressive chest, smiling kindly. "I wanted to ask you for a small favor." Nodding as his smile faded slightly, she continued, "I know, you likely have people asking for everything from you, but this is truly something small. I was hoping to ask for a photograph with you and your fiancée to hang in the shop. Not as advertisement, just as a keepsake of a young and upcoming Shirakami and his bride to be."

Seizing a chance to test the water, he maintained his bold play from the house, "Which one?"

She blinked, confused by his meaning, "I'm sorry?"

"Which of my fiancées?" He turned to the side, and gestured to the pair smiling and laughing at one of the attendants who was dramatically explaining something or another, "Maya-chan or Hikari-chan?"

She became even more visibly confused, "Wh-which…one?"

"It's the lack of a ring, isn't it," he snapped his fingers ostentatiously. "You are absolutely right, she doesn't have a ring on. I have to take care of that." _I really do. That was careless of me. Again, with the assuming things._ "It's a fairly recent development. Hikari-chan approached me with the idea, and I just can't say 'No' to her at all." Raising his voice, he looked to Paola, "Paola, I'll need to add a stop to our plan. Do you have a moment?"

"Si, si," she sighed dramatically. "Where are we going Tesoro? A bank heist? Perhaps to save an orphanage from sinking into the fiery depths of the Earth itself?" Punching his arm with a grin, she winked to the owner of the salon, "This one, always with the adventures."

"I need to stop by a jeweler," Shinji added in a more serious tone, quiet enough to not be overheard outside of the office. "Maya is missing something significant, and it's very rude of me to allow that to continue." With a hint of teasing, he spread his hands, "You and Claudia didn't raise your nephew to be rude to the ladies, did you?"

"Noi non abbiamo fatto," she laughed. "I'll send one of the young teppisti to go and see what we can find. I assume you have no preferences on location?"

"I'd rather a place supported by the Shirakami," he flicked his eyes in the direction of the owner to explain. "But I'll take what I can get. A reasonable selection for them to fuss over is likely more important than anything I could come up with."

"Wisdom, Tesoro, you continue to display it." Patting his cheek, she moved back to her spot and conferred with the nearby representative from their 'NGO' colleagues.

"So…it's true," the owner approached cautiously, "I…I truly didn't mean to upset you, My Lord. Everyone has been told, well, told that _perhaps_ you would take more than one wife. I only knew of the one engagement, and that's what I meant when I asked."

"I'm not angry," he sought to assure her. "I promise. I'm just…pushing myself to accept my good fortune publicly. I'm not one for grand gestures, you may have noticed." He plucked at his shirt, "This is the fanciest thing I own, and for a good reason. I don't want to make people think I'm something I'm not."

"No, you aren't," she hesitated, "but you are…well, you're exceptionally famous. If it wouldn't be too forward, I'd like to offer a bit of advice."

"I'm always interested in what my honored elders have to say, ma'am," he set his hands behind his back, opening his posture to her. "I'm young, and don't always think things through. A diversity of opinions can only help me avoid pain."

"Not as young as you might think," she tittered. "I know men twice your age that don't accept what you've just stated so easily." Gesturing along his torso, she tilted her head, "People look to you, My Lord, for ideas. The young girls in your school? They speak when they're here about how the 'Hero of Tokyo-03' acts, and how they need to find a man who lives an honest, simple, life. They speak of young men trying to emulate you, but failing because they don't understand how you balance _power_ with _humility_. You stand out, through actions, and words. It might be time to consider standing out," a gentle pluck at his shirt, "in fashion. Show some pride in yourself, so that the women you love can feel free to shine all the brighter. No woman wants to so obviously outshine her husband, it means we married below our station."

 _I…never considered that._ He blinked, the realization hitting him like a ton of bricks. _I let them dress me, but they may be choosing things they think I'll be happy with. I need to make more of an effort too, I can't let them look bad!_ "Thank you, ma'am. That is a very good point, and one that I never even considered. When we're done, I would be happy to take a picture with you and your staff. So long as my security team approves, I'll leave it to you to address their concerns."

Her warm smile was generous, "You are just as wise as your guardians say, My Lord. Let's sit you down and get started on your hair," taking him by the arm she walked him out into the shop proper, "it's such a lovely shade. Is it hereditary? You can see that it's not dye."

"The genes are recessive," Maya answered with a smile over to Shinji, sensing him hesitating in his answer. "I explained the science to him with a little too much detail, ma'am, and he's still working it through. It's all very boring, but his hair is completely natural. Just don't cut it, we adore it as it is."

Letting himself be seated to Maya's left, with Hikari on her right, he patted her hand in appreciation, "Anything for the women I love." The chorus of 'aww' from the staff assembled to serve them brought a slight blush to his cheeks, "Anything."

+++++ 8th Angel + 6: Friday (57)

"It certainly sounds like something he'd ask for," Kozo read over the proposal before him. "It would give us a great deal of cover, as well."

Misato frowned, uncertain of his intent, "Sir?"

"I'm not going to lie to you, Colonel," flipping the page, he continued to split his focus, "Ritsuko Akagi is a singular talent. While Major Ibuki is capable, and even brilliant in her own ways, she was never going to be an adequate replacement for what was lost when whatever madness struck Naoko Akagi finally filtered down to her daughter."

She tried to puzzle through his statement, "So, you're not automatically saying 'No'."

"I'm saying that I'm glad that Shinji asked that you approach me, and I didn't have to explain to him why he saw her outside of her cell," the old professor sat back, having finished reading through the restrictions Misato and General Benoit had come up with. "We need her back in play. Weapons development has slowed dramatically, improvements and upgrades on Unit-02 have been brought to a near halt, and our understanding of his odd ability to over-synchronize hasn't increased adequately. Limiting her access to paper copies has provided some relief, but allowing her to work in a laboratory will only aid our effort."

"You've been handing her work?" Her eyes hardened, "You've been giving her details on _Shinji_? You were the one that said she couldn't have any visitors! You specifically said that the less she knew the better it would be for everyone."

"I've been doing what I must to succeed, Colonel," he met her glare for glare. "She will never be alone with him, I agree. But I am not going to break my knife before I go to war. I controlled her access to everything to prevent her from lying to us about her actions. What matters is that we can proceed now. That he is amenable, that he is _eager_ to move past what happened means that we do not have to force him into a situation where he is victimized by memories he may never forget. It means he is coping, adapting, and overcoming. It means that I do not have to be even more of a bastard than I am simply for occupying this seat. Engage your plan, I will brief the UNHC. Dismissed."

Clenching her jaw to avoid spitting on the floor, Misato spun on her heel and stormed out of the room. As soon as she reached the bridge she reverted to 'cool and unapproachable', intent on not making it seem as if there were any significant rift between her and the man in charge. _All of these secrets. He tells me I'm indispensable, and then he goes behind my back every other day with something new._ Pulling out her phone as she sat at her terminal, she opened the text she'd received from Shinji earlier. She hadn't wanted to look before her meeting, but now that it was all over she desperately hoped it was something pleasant.

Sitting in a salon seat, next to Maya, who was next to Hikari, her favorite person on the planet had a tolerant smile on his face as his hair stood straight up from his head in a spiky, product filled, mass. Hikari had her hands over her lower face, clearly laughing while not trying to laugh, and Maya faked a swoon complete with her hands making a 'heart' symbol. Under the picture was a simple message, 'I'm apparently a Shonen Hero, and so I need the hair style. Wish you were here, Misato. I truly do.'

"He's a good sport," Shigeru commented with a laugh. "You'd never catch me letting anyone take my picture like that." Offering a stack of reports, he kept his tone informal, "They left the salon twelve minutes ago, heading towards a nearby store specializing in ladies' dresses. Drone overwatch shows nothing untoward in their vicinity, and the word we're getting from Section Two says he's in high spirits."

"Thank you, Shigeru-kun," Misato sighed as she turned off her phone to go through the paperwork before her. "Do we have any word on Rei-chan? Is she still at home?"

"Hasn't moved from her spot at the table. S-Two says she's still working her way through books on genetic inheritance and the occasional psychology text. Nothing I'm going to pretend to understand in detail, but they mentioned Freud-san. I thought most of his stuff had been considered out of date, but she might just be studying for something in class." He shrugged, "She's taking a lot of notes, so that'd be my guess."

"When I suggested she find a hobby," the lavender-haired Colonel shook her head in dismay, "I really didn't mean more studying. I thought she might like to go on hikes, see movies, find a boyfriend. Something!" Flicking her signature on the bottom of one report, she handed it back, "I'd like it if she called Shinji-kun, he and Hikari-chan invited her over for dinner before her little blow up."

"Well, she might be embarrassed," the guitarist accepted another form. "I mean, he knows she decked his sister-in-law-to-be. That might not play so well at the dinner table."

"If Hikari-chan doesn't give her sister a matching bruise when they see each other next," Misato snorted, "I'll actually attend your next performance. Even better, I'll attend in only a crop top and thigh-high stockings. She and I had a chat the other night, and I promise you she wants blood. Calming her down, and asking Shinji-kun to help, is my way of trying to make the wedding easier on them." Signing the final page, she looked up to the eldest of the 'Bridge Bunnies', "I want to know if anything changes as soon as it changes with Rei-chan. She's planning something, I only hope it's not bad."

+++++ Author's Notes

Martial Arts Master: RE: Boundaries.

It's something I felt was a sign of maturity on his part. Instead of letting himself get dragged back into the cycle he was stuck in, he decided to push her to understand why he broke the cycle. Hopefully it leads to both of them growing into well-rounded adults.

origamishishou: RE: Hugs.

Everyone needs hugs. They're physical magic, and they make things hurt less.

TheHiddenLettuce: RE: Confidence.

Chapter 39 was 37 days into the new world for him. Granted, those 37 days took a lot of words to go through, but it was still just a month and a week for him. That he changed as much as he had was a miracle, in my estimation. He'll get there, though. Trust me.

SK: RE: Confusion.

Yeah, I have to leave things vague often because of the way that the Voices speak. Also because it allows the plot to not be _completely_ obvious.

RE: The counters.

'A Chronicle in the Life of Shinji Ikari' was the original title of this piece. I didn't like it so much. He's growing by leaps and bounds, and keeping track of the time is pretty important when you notice that the original Neon Gen was wrapped up in somewhere between six and four months. The Trauma Conga did a number on those poor characters we know and love, eh?


	71. Chapter 71

+++++ 8th Angel + 6: Friday (57)

The dress that was chosen for Maya received universal acclaim. Hikari whispered something in her ear that set her cheeks aflame, Shinji simply had the smile about his lips that indicated he was not only happy that someone was doing something for him, but was happy that his people were happy, the two Italian agents gave supportive hand gestures behind his back, and the sales woman couldn't stop gushing about how it flattered Maya's 'fit and trim' figure.

 _I'm not well-endowed. I get it._ Trying her hardest to not visibly sulk, she took one final look in the mirror before her to judge for herself. _I have to wear it, so I have to make the final decision. I have to set a good example for them. I'm the eldest, it's my responsibility._ The idea of a long slip dress, shaded in a rose pink that even she had to admit flattered her skin tone, had come from the man she loved. The man that traveled through time. The man that saved her when she felt her mind tearing itself asunder.

 _The child we never gave a second look at the first time. The child we let be pummeled by everyone from his father to his fellow pilots. The child who fought, bled, died twice, was eaten, choked, never shown an ounce of happiness, we let him suffer. We let him die. We let-_

Shinji's arms wrapped around her from behind, his powerfully muscled frame blocking everything else from view in the mirror. The sound of singing, pitched low and intended for her and her alone, reached into her mind and smothered the angry voice of her past self. Words that she could feel but couldn't understand, and a warmth that came from more than his body against hers, soothed her anxieties before they spiraled completely out of control. She closed her eyes as the first tear leaked out, unsurprised as he reached up and wiped it away from her cheek with one giant, gentle, finger. _His soul…I feel his_ soul _embracing me_.

When he kissed the top of her head and stepped back to ask, "So, it's your body Maya-chan. While I think it looks phenomenal on you, I don't have to wear it." She turned as he chuckled, "I'd tear it to ribbons trying to get it over my stupidly enormous shoulders." Reaching up to tap himself with his thumbs on his lateral muscles, he grinned, "And that would be a shame. It looks like someone put a lot of effort into making it well."

"I'm a little jealous," Hikari pouted. "She looks so great in pink! Even her hair color fits perfectly. It's the slight bit of auburn she has, it just pops out with the shade in the dress."

 _They're making this all about me. And they're doing it in a way that doesn't stop me from being who I am. Was I ever going to get this from_ her _?_ Blushing, she looked down at her hands as she dry-washed them, "If you think I look _that_ good in it…I guess we can take a look at the price."

"Oh no!" Hikari gasped, "The tag's gone. I guess we'll never know how much of our fiancé's money he spent on something for you." The small paper tag stuck out between her fingers as she slipped her hands behind her back, "What a shame. He's just going to have to buy it blind."

"Truly, a sacrifice worthy of song," Claudia walked behind Hikari and snuck the paper towards the cashier. "Our Tesoro is indeed a man who was made to suffer."

"Why don't you help her change, Hikari-chan," Shinji smiled tolerantly. "I'll work out the particulars with the nice ladies here." He moved towards the sales desk, his bearing shifting from 'around the women who care for him' to 'around others'.

 _He's so guarded. He's relaxed a great deal, but even now in an area that is full of people who work with Suzuka and her associates he doesn't let himself relax all the way._ She accepted a kiss as she moved back to the changing room with her girlfriend, _I don't have a ring. I'm not going to curse things by assuming this is permanent. They're boosting my spirits. I'll play along._ Inside, she admitted that it was very nice to have someone help her out of the dress. _It's very well made, but I'm nervous about that clasp. Maybe I can find a tutorial on alterations?_

"You looked so delicious in this, Maya," Hikari simpered flirtatiously as she kept the cloth from dragging on the ground while Maya stepped free. "I have something that I think will go perfect to match. It's a very understated grey, we bought it a while ago and I haven't had a chance to wear it, and if we can get him to agree to wear that red shirt we bought today with his slacks? We just need to decide on a tie. We'll look so…ooooh, people will be jealous. It'll be great."

Laughing politely, _Nobody will ever be jealous of this farmgirl_ , she finished buttoning up the shirt she'd left the house in, "I think he'll be best in a white tie, if we're asking him to wear the red, it would go wonderfully with the two of us. He's never really been fond of that color, maybe something to do with Soryu-san?"

"We need to help him break that association," her lover carefully hung the dress back up on the provided plastic. "Help him see that 'Red' does not mean 'Insane'. She might have problems that you can't tell us about, but she's been honest with him. He hasn't once said she's lied, and he's even spoken with her without us around. He can't continue to live in the past," her voice warmed, "just like you can't." Reaching over and tilting Maya's chin with two fingers as she worked back into her slacks, she smiled sadly, "He loves you like I love you, Maya. What happened in that other place doesn't matter here. It's in the past. Forever. Never to return."

"I'm fine," she tried to push out a calm smile, "it isn't as…loud."

"Now don't you go being a female Shinji," Hikari laughed with a fond grin. "I already have enough on my hands getting one of you to open up and tell me what's wrong, I don't need to be fighting the both of you." Slipping the hangar onto a nearby hook, she pulled Maya into a hug, "It's ok to not be ok. This is all very new, to all of us. But we're together now, and we're going to fight for each other. You do so much to keep Shinji and I balanced, please, _please_ , ask us when you need help."

 _She's so eager to share the burden. She ignores that she herself is going through several crises at the same time. That I'm taking away a piece of her strength._ "I'll try," breaking free of the hug, she looked appraisingly at herself in the mirror to make certain she was still respectable. "Did we have anything else we were doing? I heard Claudia-san mention another stop. Did Shinji say something I missed?"

"Hmm?" Hikari picked up the dress, "No. I don't remember him saying anything."

The honest confusion on her girlfriend's face did melt Maya's heart. _She's very good at masks, and when she wants to hide her feelings she does it well. But she doesn't wear them around me, not in private. We…I love her._ "Well, let's get moving then. I'd like to be home before Nozomi-chan. I asked her teachers for tomorrow's lesson plans, and I think I can fit it into tonight so that she's not behind."

"I like it," the Class Rep nodded. "I'll help while Shinji makes dinner. I don't want my baby sister thinking I'm not interested in being involved, especially with everything going on."

As they re-entered the store proper, Maya saw Shinji explaining things to the store associates. From the hand gestures he was making, it was clear that it involved his physical growth.

"It's uncomfortable," he finished, spying their return. "And no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to convince my body to stop for a few weeks. My advice to your brother would be to stretch. Maya-chan taught me some of her routines, and I try to incorporate them into my PE class before and after working out. It helps."

 _No it doesn't. You said yourself you don't feel pain, not until this nonsense with the absorption of the L-Nine. You're getting better at lying, I'm just glad you're using it to help others instead of hurting yourself._ "So has the mystery price been paid?" Maya kept a professional distance out of habit from the pilot, "I assume you're not going to let me pay you back?"

"It wouldn't be a gift if I let you," he smiled fondly. "As it turns out, I was able to talk them out of something in addition that will come in handy." Holding up a strand of cloth, a very soft-appearing spun silk that appeared to have little purpose other than tying…. _Oh my. Oh…my._

He stepped around behind her, and before she could react, he had the cloth around her eyes as a blindfold. The gravelly rumble of his voice caused her heart to beat faster, "We have two more stops to make, and they're a bit of a surprise. I know how intelligent you are, and if I let you see which way we head you'll figure it out before we get there." His hands gently scooped her from the ground, holding her in a bridal carry, "Asari-san has promised the dress and the rest of the clothes will make it home safely before we do."

Another male voice nearby, much higher-pitched than Shinji's, responded, "Absolutely, Ikari-san. Horaki-san, if you wouldn't mind?" The rustling of a protective sheath being placed over the dress sounded, "There. My mother would beat me with her car and blame me for the damage to it if I let this get dirty. Funaki-san, let's get moving."

"Mind her head, Tesoro. The door frame is a little tight," Paola's voice sounded from half in and half out of the nearby portal, "You too, Caro, mind the step."

Maya felt a warmth flood her core as Shinji's arms clutched her tighter, _Those two, they love Shinji and Hikari so much. Are they truly fine with me being a part of this? Don't most people who follow their religion frown on this?_

"Steady, Piccolo Topo," Claudia whispered, clearly intending to be heard by Maya alone. "Do not be so tense. Il tuo Toro has you safely. There is no need to fret."

"A bull?" Shinji snorted, "I'm probably getting close to the size of one, aren't I?"

"Ah, but the women like a man who is larger, Tesoro." Paola laughed, "We shelter beneath his arms, allow ourselves to be weak for a moment in a world which demands we be stronger than anyone. This one, she is very strong. It will take her time to adjust to relaxing enough so that her strength is replenished. We will get her there."

Hikari spoke from the direction of Maya's feet, "Together. As a family."

"Si," Claudia approved. "La famiglia is most important of all. You all care for Il piccolo Desiderio, and she is stronger for having many good examples of a woman to aspire to. Nozomi knows her fratello will protect her body, and his wives, her sorelle, will protect her soul."

The steady motion of Shinji's stride urged her to loosen up on her anxieties, to embrace being cradled and at his mercy. _Everyone accepts this so quickly. Is it an effect of Shinji's songs? Is it because of who he is? Who we are? It defies statistical probability that there would be so many people in favor of a relationship like we want, that there would really only be two women steadfastly against it. Two redheads, no less. The rarest hair color on Earth also being the only to express what would sensibly be the majority opinion?_

Shinji's phone ringing broke her train of thought, though it was Hikari's voice that spoke in an effort towards resolving it, "Shinji Ikari's answering service, how may I direct your call?" She laughed, "No, Misato-san. I will not answer his phone differently. If my uncle wants to call us, he'll have to accept that sometimes Shinji's hands are full. Uh huh. No, she's fine. Didn't you read my report? She's relaxed a great deal. I think she'll be able to come back and conquer her duties without problem." She paused for a moment, clearly listening to the other participant, "I wouldn't say." A shorter pause, "No, not 'couldn't', _wouldn't_. You'll see." Her tone remained upbeat, "Ok. We really would like it if you could make more time to visit, Misato-san. You, and Rei-chan, are always welcome at our house. So long as you bring Pen-Pen, of course." Warm laughter floated from her, the sound of silvery bells, "Of course, we love you too Misato-san. Bye!"

 _Drones. Misato's observing us but doesn't have the context, which means Section Two and the command staff aren't communicating everything. Or, Misato doesn't trust Agent Haraldson? I'll have to ask._ Her mind registered the fact that she had her hand lightly caressing Shinji's chest, _Oh. I…guess I am kind of relaxing. I really should tell Shinji about Rei. He won't judge her, he might be angry at everyone involved but I think he can handle it. He might even push to include her more in his life, which would be a net plus for both of them._

"Double doors," Shinji's tone was grateful. "You have me worried, Paola. I keep looking at everything to make sure I'm nowhere near it."

"This is good," the agent sniffed. "You should take care with your precious ones, too much caution is never ill-advised."

"I'm going to set you on your feet, Maya," he lowered his voice to not overwhelm her. "Hikari will hold your arm, and we'll walk you in. I think I might have to duck a bit to fit, so I don't want to clang my head, drop you, and ruin everything."

She felt herself being lowered cautiously, _I don't smell anything. So, it's not a restaurant. I don't remember asking for anything, except maybe a new computer. I did mention that we needed at least two new computers for studying. Is this an electronics shop? But I don't smell the ozone. There's always ozone in the electronics stores._ Hikari's hands lightly taking her elbow, and Shinji's mass moving away, gave her the bravery to ask her girlfriend, "Where are we?"

Hikari's answer was intentionally vague, "You'll see. I think you'll be surprised. I know I was. Thank you," the last comment was directed to their side as they walked slowly into somewhere with cooler air.

 _It smells…clean. There's no talking, so not a lot of people. Calm piano music. What on Earth is this place?_

"Good afternoon, My Lord," a distinctly friendly male voice sounded from close by. "If I take your batman's meaning, what you are after should be this way. Please," his voice shifted pitch as the direction changed, "I have set aside a variety of samples, so that we can refine the selection from there."

 _Upper class speech, they know less common terms. Samples? Maybe…there are no wineries in the local area. Chocolate? I could use some chocolate._ She kept her grimace from showing, _Oh, could I use some chocolate._

After a short walk through the area, Hikari carefully guiding Maya's steps, Shinji's hands once more landed on her shoulders as she was stopped in place. "Whatever you choose, Maya Ibuki, will be what we accept. I do not care one bit about cost. After what you've given us, after what you've done to support us, this," he pulled off her blindfold, revealing a glass case carefully covered with a luxurious blue cloth, boxes of rings displayed to devastating effect, "is for you."

Hikari kept her hands lightly supporting Maya, as the Class Rep was the larger of the two women despite being the younger of the two women, intent on preventing a sudden shift in blood pressure from dropping the woman she wished for onto the ground, "If I remember correctly, your birthstone is ruby. You did mention that you really like 'girly' colors, I'm sure we can find something in a playful purple, or a charming pink. It's your ring, after all."

Maya was tongue tied, "A…a ring…." _It…they're…oh, crabapples._ _Crabby, crabby, crabapples. They love me._

"I'm terrible at finding things people like," Shinji offered quietly. "Something like a stuffed animal? Or a book? I might be able to make that work, given a lot of time. Something like a ring," reaching over, he took the hand bearing Hikari's engagement ring, scooping Maya's same hand on the way, "something that binds us together? I would make an unqualified mess of. I got lucky that Hikari's family had tradition to fall back on."

"I love my mother's ring, now my ring, and would never trade it for anything," Hikari's smile was pure hope. "I never thought I'd find my 'The One', and I certainly never dreamed we'd find our 'Third'. It was a wish, a fanciful dream, something to share with Shinji to explain to him how I viewed love. And now? Now, Shinji brought us all together, Maya. Please tell us that you'll give us forever. That you'll help us become closer to being complete."

"I…I…." _They love me._ "I'm…slightly allergic to gold?"

"We have a lovely selection of silver, titanium, and platinum bands," the pleasant-faced older lady behind the counter shifted several boxes around, while another younger lady pulled out similar stones embedded in different metals. "Does the madam have any other sensitivities? Perhaps favorites?"

"Two…." She smiled, her eyes damp, "But I think you mean gemstones and not wonderful people."

+++++ 8th Angel + 6: Friday (57)

"Well, sir," Jake greeted Shinji with a firm handshake, "I see that I have to congratulate you again."

The big pilot had a warm smile for the man delivering Nozomi to the Blue Crane, "Life's had a funny way of punching me back and forth between sorrow and joy, Jake-san. I'm just the lucky man who gets to be included in the love two wonderful women have for each other."

"You say that now," the big agent urged Shinji towards the restaurant proper, "wait until they both throw you in the doghouse for smiling politely at a young man standing by a fairly attractive teacher."

"So you weren't flirting?" Shinji ducked as he went through the doors, "Nozomi-chan says that she's not certain if you and Nicolette are dating or not, so I didn't want to judge."

"With the teacher? Not while she was on duty, or while I was on duty." The agent shrugged, "It's unprofessional, and she and I would need to mind the example we're setting for the little ones. As far as dating Nicolette? She'd like to, I'm not sure it's a good idea. Two different cultures, and I'm just not sure we'd bridge the gap."

"I can respect that," Shinji nodded as he put himself in Jake's situation. "You have to look beyond the 'now' to what comes next. Children, family, responsibility. It's more than just embracing a beautiful woman and hoping, there's work and sacrifice."

"It's why I said you'd be judged well, if we were judging," Jake winked. "You know the score."

"Nii-san!" Nozomi bounced and waved from where she stood in the lobby at the side of her other minder, "Hurry! Aunty Xu says that dinner's almost ready."

"I'm hurrying," Shinji pouted playfully. "I'm not as fast as you and Nicolette-san." Reaching out his hand to take the Little Lady of the Horaki's, he inclined his head in gratitude to her other minder, "Thank you. The plan is for her to ride home with us, so please feel free to enjoy your evening."

"We'll coordinate with your detail, sir," Nicolette ignored Jake fairly obviously. "And thank _you_ for a lovely afternoon yesterday. It's been more than a few years since I've had someone able to keep up with me so effortlessly." Her smile was the same as it had been at the end of their dance as she wiggled her fingers in farewell to Nozomi, "Take care of your nii-san for us, ok?"

"Hai!" Tugging on Shinji's hand, she set him in motion towards the back hall, "Come on! You need to eat!"

Shinji overheard Jake ask, cautiously, what his partner meant by what she'd said, _Oh boy._ Nodding in greeting to the two large men holding the doors to the private area, he gave them his warmest smile, "Thank you. Her wings shelter me very, very well."

"As they always will," the senior of the two responded politely.

"Shinji!" The elder Xu floated over and scooped Nozomi into a hug which included him generously, "Oh, I'm so glad to see you two again. 来, 来, 来, your family's waiting." Setting the youngest child on her feet to trundle over to Maya and Hikari, she slowed Shinji's progress, "You have, for what it is worth, my approval."

"You…understand about, uhm," he hesitated to bring up negative news at the moment, but didn't want to eat dinner with it hanging over their heads.

"If she could not overcome whatever reservations you and Hikari had, then she was not meant to be." The matronly owner stepped in front of him and gave him a significant look, "You cannot please everyone, and knowing that you are not abandoning his daughter would please poor Toshiro. I know of your effort to visit her, to see to the heart of things. You wish to be her friend, and that is far more than most would do. But this is not for tonight," she smiled broadly, "tonight, we celebrate _two_ engagements with our Family!"

Sitting around a pair of tables pressed into creating one larger table, Shinji's household was chatting happily with Nanako and Gen, Suzuka and Suzuki. Yang, with Nozomi in her lap, sat by Hikari and was gushing about how wonderful Maya's ring was. To Shinji, it was another moment of clarity in a long line of them. _This…is my Family. They're here to support us._

"Shinji-san," Gen stood with a wide smile, "did you get lost on the way down the hall?"

"You tell the man to watch his footing, and he takes it literally," Suzuki joined Gen on his feet. "Slow and steady has its place, my friend, but honestly. A little alacrity so everyone can eat while the food's warm, perhaps?"

"Well, the last time I failed to notice my footing," Shinji countered with a dramatically faked stern frown, "your wife made it so I couldn't speak for the better part of a day."

"A blessing I'm certain your fiancées took advantage of to get a word in edgewise," Suzuka smirked over her cup of tea. "It's difficult to speak our mind for all we hear of yours."

"You three are a terrible influence on him," Nanako rolled her eyes, standing and coming around the table to hug him. "Oh, Sweetie, I'm so happy for you!" Letting him fold her in his embrace, she whispered, "The baby is safe. The mother needed medical intervention, she's…not well in her mind. The father was trying to find a way to help her without involving the police, couldn't trust her with money, and he couldn't admit to his mother that he'd…dallied with a madwoman." Shifting back, she looked up at him with pride, "Three lives saved, Sweetie, you keep doing the right thing. I'm so proud of you."

His heart was heavy that there was such tragedy being ignored by everyone that lived around them, or just going without help, but he couldn't deny that his actions had been a part of rendering aid to those in need. "I'm proud of _you_ , Nanako-san. I sent them to you, and you were the one that set things right. I was just the lifeline, you towed them back into the boat."

"You hear that, Husband?" She turned, raising her voice, " _He_ appreciates what I do."

Gen laughed, "Can I trade?" Looking over to Yang, he dropped to a knee facing the youngest Horaki with his arms held out wide, "I'll take dear Nozomi-chan, and Shinji-san can have my mean, mean, wife."

Everybody laughed, though some more jeering than others, and the banter began to fly from all corners. Sitting down next to Maya, Shinji was happy to hear her take part, if sparingly. With his hand on her knee, he was able to appreciate having another person who preferred to remain quiet during social gatherings. Hikari was a wonderful buttress for them, and they supported her wit and intelligence fully as she spoke for the three of them. It was an evening which celebrated life, eschewed business, and all in all served as a comfortable cap to a day he'd long recall fondly.

+++++ 8th Angel + 7: Saturday (58)

"You certainly continue to impress, My Lord," the sycophantic newswoman bubbled with mirth. "How fortunate it was that you were shopping for groceries when this terrible tragedy happened." Gesturing to the seats occupied by the family of the stall's owner, she kept her slightly breathless tone, "It's so horrible to imagine what might have become of young Ichigo-kun."

The young lad's mother, sitting between Shinji and her mother-in-law, had clearly still not settled fully from the near death of her son, "We will forever be grateful to Lord Ikari for what he did that day. Every day I see my son growing, learning, I will consider a gift from the spirits themselves."

"I…am only sorry that there was nothing I could do for Taro-san," Shinji added quietly. Looking over to the man's widow, he inclined his shoulders in a sincere display of the grief he felt, "He is the true hero. He gave his life to protect his grandson, he sacrificed everything to do what was right. His sacrifice gave me the time to do what little I could."

Tokyo-3's Mayor, a largely superfluous position filled by a largely superfluous individual, took the chance to make noise again, "We are certainly blessed to have such people in our city as Taro-san and Lord Ikari. Hard-working, valued, individuals who put others before themselves. Why, everyone should aspire to their dedication to the common good!"

Shinji kept his mouth shut, the urge to silence the puffed-up, self-important, empty suit nearly overpowering. He'd been seated between the Mayor and the single mother for the entire interview, and had progressively shifted his profile from equidistant to clearly favoring the woman beside him. Sitting up, he saw in her eyes the urge to climb past Shinji and slap the man herself, which only increased her stock in his eyes.

"Well, I'm afraid that's all the time we have for the interview," Kelly came in, clapping her hands. "Sir," she shut the Mayor out with her torso as she gestured Shinji off-camera, "if you wouldn't mind standing for a few photos with our treasured guests." Acting, as capably as any movie star would, surprised by the appearance of the Commander, she stood straighter and saluted crisply, "Hello, sir. I'm sorry I didn't see you arrive. We were moving over to the still photos, unless you needed Lord Ikari?"

"No, no," Kozo's pat on Shinji's shoulder was just as fake, though the warmth was very real. "I take up far too much of his time with my demands, he should be free to enjoy his holiday as he wants." Nodding to his pilot, the old professor winked, "We're all proud of you, son. I'm sorry I had other meetings, or I'd have come sooner to watch the ceremony."

"I understand sir," Shinji replied formulaically, borrowing from Misato who urged him with subtle gestures to allow Kozo to take lead. "I'm not the only hard worker here, and your time is far more valuable than mine."

"Good man. Well, I'd love to stay but I need to take the Mayor on a short tour." There was a hint of mischief in his eyes as Kelly cleared the line of fire, "Mister Mayor, if you would follow me? I actually have an old friend that's interested in asking you a few questions."

Bowing politely as the Mayor was dragged off, patently unenthusiastic about the sudden shift in fortune, Shinji tried without much success to seem relieved as he turned back to the family that had been his 'guests' for the event, "I'm very sorry about that, ma'am. I am sincere when I say I neither wanted, nor felt appropriate, accepting an award for doing what I did." Hooking his finger in a small wave to Ichigo, who was very calmly curled into his grandmother's arms, he smiled sadly, "Anyone with an ounce of heart would have done the same."

The middle-aged woman hesitated, looking to make sure that the cameras were off and the news crew was shifting to take still footage themselves before speaking, "Might…might I ask a favor, My Lord?"

"Lord Ikari is always willing to listen, ma'am," Kelly subtly pressed a finger into Shinji's side to cut off his instinctual reply. "Though sometimes his command has to temper his enthusiasm. Left to his own devices, he'd never sleep for the work he would attempt."

"O-of course," the woman nodded, understanding. "I was…I…uhm," she startled as Shinji reached out and took her shoulder in one giant hand.

"I can't guarantee anything, ma'am. That's what Lieutenant Chambers meant. I will, however, happily listen to what you ask." He felt the scowl from the grandmother, and a few things clicked into place in his mind, "Lieutenant," he turned to his aide, "why don't you introduce Nozomi-chan and Ichigo-kun? I'm sure his grandmother wouldn't mind keeping an eye on him for a moment." Without waiting for the obvious agreement from his right hand, Shinji gently took the hesitant woman's arm and guided her towards where Hikari and Maya were talking to Misato in hushed tones. "Excuse me, Sub-Commander," he kept everyone's ranks out in the front, as they kept his title, "could I borrow my better thirds for a moment?"

"Sure, sure," Misato waved the other two women on. "I'll go play with Nozomi-chan." Turning with a subtle wink to Shinji, a telling recognition of what he was trying, the powerful officer roared like a dinosaur and 'attacked' his little sister, who 'defended' a giggling Ichigo.

"What's wrong, my love?" Hikari sensed the woman's distress and moved close enough to be cordial, but not so close as to make her feel hemmed in.

"If I had to guess," Maya added, looking vibrant in her civilian gear but still carrying herself as the Major she was, "he's being the man we love again."

"Mariko-san has something she'd like to ask of me," Shinji placed his trust in the women who'd chosen him, "but I believe she might have a hard time asking _me_." He'd felt her trembling as he lightly held her elbow, and would have let her go instantly if it weren't for the fact that he feared she'd flee without seeking help. "Mariko-san," he gently shifted his stance so he could present his brides-to-be, "this is Hikari Horaki, and Maya Ibuki. When I have problems, or need guidance, they are who I go to. My title, my reputation, my life, I owe to the work they've done."

"He might be overstating things a touch," Hikari smiled comfortingly to the steadily calming woman, "but if he's right, and you want to ask for help but can't ask him, why don't we have a seat and see if you can't talk to us?"

"I'll be corralling the Misatosaurus," Shinji inclined his shoulders slightly. Purposefully turning away, he wanted to leave the impression with the woman that he trusted his loves completely. It was one thing to say he did, but he knew that words only got him so far with many types of people. Linking back up with Kelly, he lowered his voice as Misato overpowered the grandmother's displeased frowns with nothing more than the force of her personality, "What would have been the criminal penalty for folding the metal chair around the mayor's mouth so he couldn't speak?"

"I might have had to kiss you," the redhead snorted. "Every time I've interacted with him I've come away wondering how he maintains his position. He knows nothing, he _is_ nothing. I realize that many of the decisions for the city are made by the MAGI, but he is there to be the 'voice of reason' to prevent something terrible happening. Imagining the MAGI failing and him suddenly having power?" She shivered slightly, "That's terrifying."

He coughed to cover over his laugh, "How much longer do we have before they're ready for the next set of pictures?"

"A few minutes. Lighting checks, setting up the shades and the reflectors, blah, blah, blah. It's different than the photos you had earlier." Her smile stayed in place, "Probably a good call, if I may be so bold, to trust the mother there to Hikari and Maya. There's some sort of abuse happening, or I'll eat my hat."

"She came to me, but she couldn't seem to speak. You know about my stammer, I just did what I wished someone did for me: I found someone with patience that doesn't seem threatening." He felt an itch build between his shoulders, a sense of dread building in the back of his skull, "Kelly…do you trust me?"

"Kind of hard not to," she frowned at his lack of honorific, turning her head slightly to eye him, "why?"

"When the alarm sounds, back Hikari up with whatever she does. I don't know what's wrong with the mother, but she sounds like she's in pain." Walking briskly forward, he took Misato's arm. _There's no power outage. What changed?_ He knew her surprise at him manhandling her was far deeper than what showed on her face, and he hoped his eyes conveyed the apology he'd have to forgo, "Incoming."

+++++ 9th Angel + 0: Saturday (58)

"Ok, folks, we have three Evas, why do I only have two pilots?" Misato stood just behind Maya, who hadn't changed out of her dress save for switching shoes to ones she could move more quickly in, "I'm missing something in a blue. We have the white, we have the red, and that's fine, but I'm unhappy about the lack of somber tones to round out the set."

 _We'll be fine, if we can get a shot from the side. How did this thing get through the detection network?_ "Two," he tried to keep relaxed as Misato set the tone while she organized their response to the Angel, though his unease at the situation being completely different grew, "how are we feeling?" He could sense her spinning up, the impatience overriding what patience she had to dominate the odd duality of her song.

"Kind of hungry," she responded with a snort. "What are the chances of me sneaking over to your house for dinner?"

"Let me check," even with his eyes still shut, he could feel his body within his body moving about to appear as if he were still a normal pilot, "Science, is it ok if I bring a friend home for dinner?"

"If she takes a shower first, dear," the Major was busily typing at speeds he could only dream of ever reaching with his notebook. "I have to get on Nozomi-chan all the time about mud on her pants. I don't want to imagine LCL all over our carpet."

 _I just have to keep everyone calm. We can all be friends, it's not impossible._ "You have to take a shower first, Two. I don't make the rules." He shifted his head over to look at Unit-02, sensing Asuka's fire burning steadier as she had something to contemplate besides the impending hostilities, "What am I making?"

"Have to see the Angel first. Don't want to eat something that we just murdered." She looked away from his side, "Hey, Major T…Science, what does this thing look like? Why don't we have a video feed yet?"

"Coming up in three seconds," Maya's tone was professional, her song speaking of nervous confidence. "Should see it, now."

There, out of every triptophobic arachnophobe's nightmare, was Matarael. Four impossibly long and slender legs holding up a central body covered in false eyes, moving ponderously through the city towards the central GeoFront. Asuka's reaction was revulsion, her face scrunching up as she regarded it, "Ok, if you make me anything looking like that I'll be both disturbed and impressed. How about shredded chicken of some sort? Maybe a nice salad?"

"I can do that," Shinji retained his composure, knowing all too well what the enemy had looked like. "If you promise to help Nozomi-chan with her homework. She could use exposure to a different teaching method, and you're a university graduate, right?"

"Ok, you two," Misato clapped her hands once, "somehow Pilot Ayanami is stuck on an elevator with her escort. Guesstimate is twenty minutes for her to climb, another five to change, another five, yadda-yadda-yadda. So we're sending you two up to engage on your own."

Shinji blinked, "Stuck…."

"…On an elevator?" Asuka seemed just as bewildered.

"I don't have any more information. So, unless you two feel that you can't handle this as a duo, we're going to get you up top where you can intercept and take this thing out." Gesturing off camera, she gave the order to launch, "Send them up, stagger by five hundred meters. I want them two klicks west of this thing at the grey line."

Shinji had enough time to brace himself before his lift shot him skywards. _Nyx?_

 _I'm here, Lover. I'm being a good girl, like I promised. Haven't distracted you once, have I?_ He could feel her form pressing hard against him, using the additional gravities from the launch to grind down onto his lap, _Won't I deserve at least a little praise after this beast is dead?_

 _Why is this different? There's no power outage._ He tried to ignore the seductive sway of simulated flesh against his person, _Last time we had that blackout, we had to climb through the vents, Asuka nearly broke my nose. It was completely different._

Nyx laughed, _Because you've routed most of the cancer from the body of this pretentious organization. Between the change in leadership and the additional eyes intent on actually saving this planet, the team that attempted to infiltrate and discover your father's plans were deemed unnecessary this time. Just as this 'soul' group you fear so much desires control, there are other groups determined to prize the destiny of our children from the pyre of Instrumentality._

"There's so much I don't know," he muttered.

"I feel you, Paladin," Misato responded grimly. "Our sensors aren't really picking anything up on this one, it's signature isn't as strong as most of them we've come across, and this body type doesn't give much away. Move to the weapons locker, arm up, and take point. Unit-02, cover him. Two hundred meter spread, keep your eyes open for the red ball thing."

"Red ball thing?" Asuka snorted incredulously, "Sure, we'll see if we can't find the 'red ball thing'." Looking to Shinji as she handed him his pallet rifle, she kept her irritation out front, "Hey Shinji, I'll see if I can't switch out my suit for the one from the last fight. I'll be the red ball thing and you can find me."

"He'd have to shoot you, Pilot Soryu," Maya stated in an even tone. "He wouldn't be willing to do that." A few keystrokes later, she added, "The enemy is approaching from that direction. Please, exercise caution. Each of these has been more strange than the last, and I don't want either of you being hurt."

Shinji felt Asuka's song spike slightly, though her tone was far more neutral, "Roger that, Science. On your lead, Paladin."

Setting off at a jog, Shinji led his team of two through the ruined buildings of the old district towards the Angel's song. _She's trying for me,_ he grinned. _Maya's trying, and I can hear Asuka trying. We can do this. We can all be friends._ With the hard pace he set, they arrived at the intercept point in under a minute. "Ok…Two, I want you to take up position here by my side. Use the building for cover, keep your Field tight, and when I lure it into place, broadside."

"Roger." He felt Unit-02 shift, and he paused long enough to reach over and grip the upper arm of the giant red behemoth, "Lead?"

"Ignore the eyes. I think they're like the things on butterflies, where it only seems like they're important but they're not anything at all." He held her until she nodded, then squeezed and moved off to stand out in the open. "I learned that from Science during a lecture before…everything. Mimicking or something like that. Aim for center-mass, that's the most likely spot for its core."

"Mimicry," Asuka corrected him. "It's to scare off predators, or confuse creatures that tend to go for eyes as a weak point. That's a good call, Lead. Maybe these things do have some sort of reason for the way they are." He could sense her song shift again before she spoke, "Good job, Science. Never know what the things you're teaching him will benefit us."

Before Maya could respond, if she was inclined to do so, Shinji caught sight of the Angel of the Rains, "Contact." His enemy shifted its bulk steadily, changing course towards him as Unit-01 pressed his A.T. Field outwards, "All right, retract my cable slowly, Mother. I don't want to trip as I back up."

"You heard him," Misato ordered tersely. "Nice and slow."

 _Acid from its bottom eye. It moved in straight lines._ He plotted out his own motions, taking the occasional potshot just to keep his foe interested, knowing that it would deflect from the light of its own soul. _Just a little bit more._ He moved slower and slower, crouching to appear as if he was getting ready to engage, when the Angel paused.

 _Father?_ Matarael's body tilted slightly as it impacted Shinji's extended field, a sign of curiosity, _Father…I can sense you._

 _Lover, do not listen. You need to eliminate this pest._ Nyx stroked his face, _We cannot coexist. You know that._

"Come on, widerliche Spinne, just a bit more," Asuka's song spoke of the impatience beginning to surge back to the fore.

 _Father, why are you in that…thing? Are you a prisoner?_ A few tentative steps forward brought him closer, _I sense you are not alone…the accursed one!_ It rushed towards him suddenly, _You are a prisoner, Father, I will_ -

"Got you!" Depressing her trigger professionally, the Pilot of Unit-02 sent a host of depleted uranium crushing through the central body of her target. Much as Shinji had the first time, she hit and destroyed the core of the Angel more through sheer number of opportunities than through any truly tactical aiming skills.

Listing to the side violently, the quadrupedal alien's momentum carried it towards Shinji as it died. Its legs failed as it slammed into the ground and bounced forward once, its body sliding closer to him as a trail of acid, slime, and gore flooded behind it. The one great, true, eye on the underside of the monster fixated on him, blinking in confused agony as the life flickered from its being. _Fa…ther…._

 _They're…searching for their father._ He quickly recalled every one of the previous engagements, how they all seemed to be searching for something, _They said it before, I guess I just wasn't listening properly._ Standing up, he approached cautiously, laying his hand on the disfigured corpse, "EKIA. Kill confirmed, Two."

"Great job, Asuka!" Misato applauded, "Followed the plan to the letter. Ok, kids, bring it home. I guess this one didn't have anything special to bring to the table."

"That liquid is…kind of acting like an acid," Unit-02 walked over to where Shinji was observing the slow deflation of their foe. "Careful, Shinji. Let's back away some. I don't want to lose out on dinner because I let you get hurt." Taking his arm, she walked him backwards, switching the radio channel to only include them, "You all right? That was a ballsy move, acting like prey."

"Yeah…yeah, I'm fine." He turned from the Angel, steering them home, "Let's get clean, it'll be a bit before we can leave. Maya has to do her job." _Who is their father?_

 _Someone I despise,_ Nyx responded, a dark edge to her voice. _They sought to claim this world, their children seek dominion in his name. His…current situation is an irony of the highest order. Suffice it to say that he'll never again be a threat to anyone, so long as you stop hesitating and kill his children, before they kill our children._ Sliding her arms around his neck, she trailed kisses along his jaw, _You want to protect our children, don't you?_

Setting his weapon back into the rack where it belonged, Shinji took Unit-02's and placed it alongside his. _What do you mean 'our'? We have a bit, Nyx, please…talk to me._ Flipping the radio channel to include the bridge again, he tried to buy some extra time, "Can we take it easy on the ride down, Science? I'm…kind of in my own head."

"I wouldn't look forward to vertigo and dizziness either," Asuka admitted with a commiserating smile. "No reason to rush anything, I can wait another hour or two for dinner if that's what we need." Her song was nearly unified, her success and the praise she'd earned feeding her ego, and Shinji's caring and vulnerable nature pulled out her better angels, "Sci…Frau Ibuki, we can take it easy, right? You've got paperwork, he doesn't need to go down at full speed…yeah?"

For her part, Shinji's newest fiancée took the truce and signed it quickly, before anyone else could have a vote, "Sure. The pilot that gets the kill gets to ask a favor. We'll run the platform at half speed, perform a stress test on the load-bearing gears." Speaking off to her side, she addressed the Sub-Commander, "It helps us measure wear, see what might be failing. It's not a bad idea, ma'am."

"I'm not arguing," Misato laughed. "Those two went out, eliminated the enemy, and for once there's no injuries. They want One to slow ride down? Be my guest. Ok, Shigeru-kun, I want…."

"Do some meditation, Shinji," Asuka's tone was gentle as her voice broke over Misato's, "whatever you need to do. I'll be waiting at the bottom, help you climb out."

"Thanks, Asuka. See you at the bottom." He offered her a smile as he willed his body to appear to lay back, _Nyx?_

 _Uh, uh, uh. You want to talk? I want a reward. I was a good girl, I didn't distract you once._ Fingers trailed along his chest, _This is work, Lover. You and I belong together, here._

A million thoughts, denials, rebuttals, all died on the basic truth: she could delete him from reality. If he didn't play along, to an extent, things could go much, much worse. _What are you asking for, then? I can't do anything that would appear odd on camera, and I won't agree to anything that puts us on uneven footing. Remember, we're partners, equals._

 _How about…you tell me which part of me you like most._ Her body laid heavily against him, her words whispered just by his ear, _Is it my thighs? I see you lingering over the little Mouse's. Such well proportioned limbs, but mine are clearly superior. Perhaps, instead, you prefer my chest? You take special pains not to linger there with your eyes on any of the women around you, even your precious Light. I will admit, hers are rather impressively formed. Not too heavy that they sag, nor too flat. Is that why you don't look? For fear of revealing your weakness?_

 _You…want to know which part of your body I prefer?_ He frowned, _I…uhm, in which way?_ Seeing a way around her strategy, he tried to flatter his way to information, _Because I actually like your hair. It's as black…blacker than anything, really. I, uhm, I know that all black is, is light being absorbed in total. But yours goes beyond that, and watching it float around your head was like watching the night sky without any of the city lights, like when I was aboard the Fleet and they ran dark. Just a glimpse of the cosmos beyond our world, in all its majesty._

Her motions had halted partway through his statement, _My…hair?_ Her voice wasn't incredulous, as he'd feared it might be, nor dismissive, which would have been an indication that she was on to him. Instead, she seemed almost astonished, _You are surrounded by a rainbow of colors, reds and blues and yellows, you are drawn to a woman whose very being is suffused with Light itself, and you like_ my _hair?_ She giggled, _Oh, Lover…you are nothing like their 'father'. There is a majesty in you that just…mmm, the things we'll do._

 _So, you'll tell me about him?_ He braced himself for disappointment, _About what you mean by 'our' children?_

 _Fair is fair, and you kept your word._ Shifting around some, she sat upright on his lap and slowly worked her hips against his, _Humanity as you call them, the species you were once a member of, is the current iteration of our Children. They are descended from us, from what I am and what you continue to become. As you exist, with the spirits of Sachiel, Shamshel, Ramiel, Gaghiel, Israfel, Sandalphon, and now Matarael at your command, you are as much the guardian of the Lilin as I. The Knowledge they hold, if given control over Life, could allow them to grow beyond this world. They could begin to journey across the cosmos, with time, to seed the universe with both!_

It was difficult for Shinji to avoid the natural physical consequence of her stimulation, though he strove to ignore it, _Humanity…we came from you? You're, I mean…that would mean, you are my…._

 _I_ AM, _Shinji. I exist in a manner in which your understanding of ancestry is incapable of rationalizing yet. To say that I am your mother is not true in the sense you intend it, but it is neither completely inaccurate. The conceit you have, where a child and a parent should not partner to produce offspring, exists because of the way your former species propagates. The dynamics, the psychology, the sociology, all of the associations you have with the concept cannot include a being such as I am, or what you are becoming. You are no more a Lilin than I, and our acts will not be bound by conventions as you see them now._ Nyx increased her kinetic exertions, _You need not worry._

 _Th-then…f-father?_ The physical pleasure she was pursuing confounded his mind. There was a revulsion, but there was also an allure that he couldn't deny. He demanded that he remain faithful, but he also accepted he was powerless to deny her. It pushed both buttons, his meek acceptance of fate and his morbid fascination with losing control. _How?_

 _His name is a curse which I will not utter, Lover._ Her lips moved along his face, _You contain his gift, though you do not control it yet. When, as it will eventually be, you become what you must…you will know what they speak of._ Her 'body', the LCL surrounding him, was capable of more than any physical shell could, and the pressure changes caressed him without leaving a trace of evidence, visually or otherwise. _We, mmm, will-_

"Cut the connection," he urged, his self-control surging back into place. "Cut it."

As Maya was away from her terminal, explaining to Misato some of the oddities she'd seen in his psychograph, it was Makoto that responded, "Cutting connection, Paladin. You ok?"

The vertigo and pain that hit Shinji drove any thoughts of physical pleasures from his mind. He whimpered, reveling in the punishment he'd given himself for allowing his captor as free a rein as he had. _Partners, Nyx._ He twitched a few times, the exquisite trauma reminding him of his promise to himself, _That means we don't…take. We share._

"Shinji," Maya's voice came through the speaker in his wrist, "what's wrong?"

"I wanted…to try, something?" Hearing his own voice felt bizarre, as disoriented as he was. "Didn't…didn't work. Still very dizzy. But it helped. I…uhm, I learned?"

 _I'm going to become cross if you don't allow me to love you soon, Shinji._ Nyx was still able to press against him, but it was a dulled sensation, without the force of the connection with Unit-01 behind it, _But if you feel that you must_ share _too, I can respect your wishes. After all, with you streaming inside of me…it will be all the sweeter._


	72. Chapter 72

+++++ 9th Angel + 0: Saturday (58)

"We'll get him there, Major," two of the engineers each took an arm and hefted Shinji upright. "Your lab?"

"I want a few samples," Maya nodded. "There may be some chemicals we're not collecting soon enough, and I need to get him cleaned off to avoid contamination." Waving for Asuka to follow along, she didn't waste time arguing with the irascible pilot, "This won't force us to delay too long, Asuka-san. So I'm going to ask you to do me a favor, to help him get home faster."

Her eyes narrowed, but with Shinji's head wobbling all over Asuka wasn't interested as interested in getting her digs in, "I'll listen."

"Get clean, go with Akane-san," she pointed to the agent, "tell Hikari and Nozomi-chan that we're going to be a little delayed. Their phones were left in my purse," she waggled the bag, "or I'd do it myself. You want to be his friend, help me reassure them. Explain what happened, and do as Shinji asked. Hikari knows where the lesson plan I drew up is. You can hold up your end of the bargain, we'll have dinner."

"I'll be there," Shinji grimaced, "once the floor chooses a direction." He wanted to look towards Asuka, but knew that wouldn't be a great plan with his head the way it was, "I trust you, Asuka. I don't have to be there when you keep your word."

"Dinner better be good," dancing over to stand before the engineers as they reached the elevator to the labs, she lifted Shinji's chin and pressed a kiss to the side of his lips. "Sei vorsichtig, mein Freund."

He tried to smile, succeeding in only reducing the look of pain in his eyes, "Bitte, pass auf sie auf. Ich weiß das du wirst."

Asuka nodded, oblivious to the fact that he'd just spoken her own language. Looking back to Maya, she frowned, "Be careful with him."

"I don't intend on harming my fiancé," Maya returned her glare with a level gaze. "Thank you for protecting him today, Asuka-san. Now please, I need to find a way to stop this from continuing." Stepping back into the elevator, she left the decision to continue delaying their trip to the redhead.

"Go, go," urging the engineers on, the pilot waited with her arms crossed as the doors closed.

With the first obstacle behind them, and only one of Shinji's cohort of guards left, Maya began preparing for the next stage of her plan, "Once we get him in the bathroom, I'm going to need privacy." She smiled wanly at the engineers, "I'll need to clean him, which means he needs to not be in his plugsuit. Which means nobody but those of us with the keys." Holding up her hand to display her ring, she shrugged.

"Message received," the lead tech grinned. "I'd be careful with letting other women see the goods too, ma'am. He's already developing a following, and if we're not careful there's going to be cults to his figure instead of praise for his spirit."

Mikoto kept her eyes on the door to the car, "Oh, there's both. We spend a lot of our day reminding people that he's taken. Even though he goes around causing everyone and their fifth cousin to fall in love with him."

"I'm right here," Shinji groaned. "You know that, right?"

"I know you are," the doors slid open and his protector scanned the exterior before waving the group onwards, "that's why I said what I did. I keep the swearing for private time."

Reaching Maya's isolated lab, which used to belong to Ritsuko, the group waited while the Major keyed in the passcode and badged them in. "Through that door there, set him down on the bench. Mikoto-san, please wait with him while I get the phlebotomy kit."

"Right," the lanky agent moved to effectively herd everyone where they belonged.

Picking up the various pre-packaged items, NERV's Chief Science Officer kicked her shoes off and reached into her purse to set her phone up to shuting down all of the audio recording devices in the lab. Pulling out a small plastic bag, she palmed and carried it obviously into the showers as if that was what she'd been fishing for. Her movements were deliberate, but she allowed herself to slip from time to time as she wanted to seem 'rushed' without appearing harried. "Ok," a grateful smile to the engineers, "thank you both. I'll be able to handle it from here with his help. Mikoto-san," she turned to the agent, "nobody is allowed in here." Leaning in, she whispered, "I'm going to be showering with him." She held up the bag containing a spare set of panties. "I'd rather not be…interrupted. It might take a bit for him to be stable enough to do anything."

The agent grinned mischievously, "Oh, you little…get you some, girl." Raising her voice, she patted Shinji on the shoulder, "You be good. You _just_ got engaged to them, you don't slip and fall and crack your head in here, you hear?"

"Yes, ma'am," Shinji called out, his eyes closed and his head braced against the wall of the shower. "I promise I won't disobey my instructor."

"Careful," Mikoto said by way of farewell, "he's developing a sense of humor."

Trying to remain patient while the room emptied, Maya began unpacking the blood draw kits as if she intended to use them. Once the doors to the showers closed, she pressed the lock and tossed everything into the nearby sharps bin, "Finally." Turning around, she looked at Shinji, "So, what did she say?" Twisting her arms behind her back, she began the process of undressing. "Anything useful? Or was it just more mystery?"

"I'm glad I wasn't too subtle," Shinji smiled, his eyes turning aside from lingering over Maya. "We're all descended from her, Maya. All of us. Humanity. We're the 'Lilin', the children of…her." He chose caution, aware that Nyx was never too distant anymore to hear him use her name.

"Shinji," Maya paused, her dress halfway down, "please watch me as I undress. It makes me feel better, since I'm about to strip you."

He blushed, haltingly turning back to face her, "S-sorry. I…she…I feel like I'm…."

"Reducing me to my parts?" Maya shook her head, "No. Whatever idiocy she's spouted, you'll never be guilty of that." Turning her side profile to him, she bent slowly down as she worked the dress down her legs. Lingering as she eased the one closest to him free, she pointed her toes to flex her muscles appealingly, "You don't see this, and see all there is in me. So, enjoy what you see, Shinji." Stepping back to shift her weight to the leg free of the cloth, she next demonstrated her flexibility by lifting the next all the way to head height without assistance, "Because you have put claim to every, single, centimeter. I have been in your soul, Shinji. It's the only explanation for what I'm feeling. I am beginning to understand your thoughts before you speak them, your feelings as you experience them. I know what happened, in the plug, and I know why you're confused."

 _Those are some amazingly lovely centimeters._ Shinji failed miserably in his effort to not appear as smitten as he was, "Y-you…very pretty." The songs he would typically call upon were beyond his reach, for the moment, as he readjusted to his mortal shell. As a result, he lost the eloquence that Israfel's spirit would provide, "Very, very pretty."

A sense of victory suffused her song as she hung the dress up in a plastic sack, stepping down hard with each foot placement to set things to moving enticingly, "Am I distracting you, Shinji?" Turning back around, she hooked her thumbs in her panties, "Why, I'd almost think you had forgotten what we did just last night! The last _two_ nights." Turning on the water, she set it to warming.

Carefully keeping his eyes on her, as she'd requested, he attempted to rally, "There is also…father." He watched her flick the tiny cloth over next to her shoes, swallowing as the full extent of her nudity struck him, "The Angels have been…calling me, uhm."

Taking his hand, she decompressed his suit, letting it flow downward on his torso, "The changes," she nodded, her tone becoming clinical even as her actions remained seductive, "you are…at least partially, very similar to what we recognize as their species." Spying the confused, lingering, evidence of Nyx' attentions and her actions, she delicately trailed her fingertips along its length, "You are, however, still very human."

He took in uncontrolled bursts of air, his mind screaming for release as his body reacted vigorously, "Wh-what if I-"

"You will not," hugging him around his neck, she set her leg to massaging him in small, swaying, motions. "I didn't find you, after two lives of waiting, just to lose you, Shinji. I will not live the rest of my life consoling and being consoled by Hikari, longing for my little Pup to return to me. I am going to dedicate everything I have to making this right, and I'm going to give you all of the love I have while doing it." Shifting back, she smoothed her hands along his arms and helped him upright in turn, "Now…I seem to remember a promise you made."

"Promise?" He blushed with embarrassment as his affection for her was vividly obvious at the moment, "I…I don't remember."

"It has to do with you," she walked backwards into the spray of water, dragging him with her, "me," as she bumped into the linoleum tiles, she spun about, "and this wall." Pressing her forearms to the vertical surface, she arched her back and asked with a husky, breathy, purr, "I'm empty, Shinji. What are you going to do about that?"

+++++ 9th Angel + 0: Saturday (58)

The interior of the house was fairly quiet, and the songs coming from within weren't sending him any signal that he needed to worry. With Maya dressed in a pair of NERV-issued workout sweats, triumphantly carrying her pink dress and a certain swagger that came from her knowing that she'd been given freely what he'd denied to those who'd take it, Shinji approached the situation as he would a coiled viper.

 _We took longer than we should have. I really didn't think it would take_ that _long._ Moving through the entry hall, he soon saw why there wasn't a great deal of noise. Asuka had created flashcards, and was on her knees on the other side of the coffee table patiently working through them with Nozomi. Hikari sat with her feet tucked up beside her further along the couch, doing her own studying while her sister received additional lessons in her own studies.

Asuka's song was its typical chaos, though one lacking the danger signs Shinji had begun to recognize, "Remember, the difference between the two is one is water across a membrane, and the other is _any_ chemical from one place to another."

Nozomi considered the card before her, "So this one…osmosis?"

"Sehr gut." The redheaded pilot set the card down, tilting her head towards Shinji, "Go hug our hero." As Nozomi scrambled down from the couch to run over to embrace Shinji, Asuka took her time in gaining her feet, "I think we've got a scientist in the making here, folks. She's got a curiosity that you can't teach, and her attention span is much better for this than when we're learning about history."

"History is important, Nozomi-chan," Shinji chided as he carried her back into the chamber. "Asuka-san knows a great deal, you should learn what you can from her." Inclining his head, he smiled, "And don't let her tell you lies, she was the one who beat the Angel. She's the hero, today."

"We," she raised her eyebrow, her tone flat. "I meant what I said, _Hündchen_ , we're not going to keep score."

"I can agree with her there," Maya shifted to stand in support of the newest pilot. "Each of you have played a vital role in the last two engagements, and each of you deserve credit for both adapting to changes and executing planned tactical maneuvers. Today's plan was mostly yours, the execution mostly hers, and that is as it should be. An effective team doesn't seek individual glory, Shinji."

The set of Asuka's eyes indicated the internal struggle against snark, but what left her mouth was anything but, "Major Ibuki has it right, Nozomi. That's why I won't let him push this all onto me, we won as a team." Placing one hand on her hip, she changed the topic away from the matter she agreed on to where she could get her irritation back, "So, how long before the lab work comes back? Do you think we're going to find anything to help with the vertigo?"

"It's a work in progress," Maya lied easily. "I believe that part of it is interference from Unit-01's harmonics, combined with Shinji's abnormally modified electromagnetic field. We gained a few samples, but they're mostly intended to eliminate possibilities, not discover them. Due diligence, the hallmark of any successful science experiment, wouldn't you agree Nozomi-chan?"

The little girl helped Shinji place her back on her feet, "Sensei says that if you don't repeat the experiment a bunch, you can't be certain that your results aren't…uhm…."

"Random noise," Asuka added, with a snort. "Your teacher's absolutely right. It's a problem with having only one data point, and when that data point has a little sister who needs him it's an even bigger problem that we can't get a convincing answer." Begrudgingly, she nodded to Maya's answer, "I'll hand her off to you, Major. I'm going to help Shinji in the kitchen."

Shinji noticed Hikari subtly encourage him to accept the plan, blowing him a kiss with a wink. "It's…uhm," he moved to show her to where the kitchen sat, "it's a really nice kitchen. I don't know if we've talked about cooking, but I'd love to see what we can learn from each other."

+++++ 9th Angel + 0: Saturday (58)

It was an interesting half of an hour, for Shinji. Acting as if she'd never once touched a stove, Asuka insisted that he demonstrate everything, then allow her to copy his technique under his direction, then do it once on her own. The constant closeness, touching her hands and standing behind her to shift her grip or show how to properly roll the knife, was full of obstacles and pitfalls in his mind, but not once did she act in any way as if she'd been 'offended'.

"I think I see what you're saying," Asuka performed the last few cuts. "It doesn't seem like it'd taste different, but it might just be that I've not been eating it right all these years." Spinning the blade around expertly, she handed it to him hilt-first, "So, want to address the elephant in the room?"

Carefully taking the knife, he moved to the sink to clean it off, "E-elephant?" _Oh please…don't be anything terrible. I don't have any problems! I'm happy! You're acting like someone I would have loved to live with! This doesn't have to end with screaming and yelling and-_

"I stuck my foot in my mouth," Asuka rolled her eyes, raising her eyebrow and looking at him as if he was being intentionally daft. "You had no reason to tell anyone about your relationship, nor any reason to explain to me that it was your fiancée driving including other women. You tried to keep me steady, even held my hand while Hikari spoke, and I couldn't keep my shit together." Poking him in the elbow, she leaned against the sink by him, "Then today, you played it off as if nothing had ever happened. Not once did you insist I treat them with respect, or do any of that stupid macho crap. You put your life in my hands, held to the plan even when I hesitated, and don't ask for anything in return."

He knew he couldn't be even close to hiding his confusion, "Y-yes? Why would I…ask for something…what would I ask for? You killed the Angel, you taught Nozomi-chan, you joked around with me, with Maya! I know you don't like her too much, I know that it's hard for you to trust anyone. You said yourself we're very alike, and I…I still think they're going to leave me. I shouldn't, it's not healthy I know, but I do. B-but…what elephant?"

"You're afraid of me," she stated it as if reading a weather report. "You are putting up a good effort, and you don't let your fear control you, but I know when someone's nervous around me. I want to know," she pushed him gently to face her, "what I need to do to soothe your fears." Placing her hands on his chest, her song stabilized enough that he could sense the sincerity behind her tone, "I push, Shinji. It's a terrible habit, but when I see something I want, I push. Eva, university, sports…a friend. I want…I want to have one person that doesn't look at me like I'm one cross word away from tearing someone's head off."

He felt his face go through the entire series of questions that wouldn't organize themselves appropriately, though he reached up and took her hands. A habit he'd gained from Hikari's tendency to do the same when she wanted to calm him down, to let her know that she was succeeding. His jaw worked, and each time he thought he had the beginnings of something to say he realized that it would make no sense without another piece of information that he couldn't give to her without revealing everything.

After a few moments, Asuka grinned, though it looked close to a grimace, "I understand." She nodded, slowly, "It's hard. How about, you give it some thought, then. When you have something, even if it's half-formed, you tell me. It will give me something to push on, and you'll see that I'm being serious about…changing." Her grin faded, her song parting again, becoming the competing waves, "You know that…right? I mean, we're doing good, right?"

 _This is going to be a lifelong thing between us._ "I need you, Asuka," folding her in a hug, he shoved his arms directly into the flames. "You are going to be one of three people who know what it's like in there. One of two people who can listen to me talk about the way it gets into our mind and not think I'm insane. One of the reasons I have a chance to survive. You need to take your own advice," parting, he chose to place his hand atop her head instead of over her heart, "and believe in yourself. You made the shot, today. You put us in position to succeed in the volcano. You are right. I didn't do it alone, we did it together, and that proves that I need you."

"You're damn right we did," her song unified again, a celebratory roar, "you keep reminding yourself of that, you hear me?" Her smile was open, "No more of this credit nonsense, we succeed or fail as a team. Lord Ikari and the Scarlet Sentinel." Hearing the honest truth, seeing him say it, brought the waveform of her emotions back up to the peak, "Now, let's get dinner finished. I want to have enough time to spot check Nozomi, I really think if we get her to focus she could make it in a STEM field. She's intuitive, and…."

+++++ 9th Angel + 1: Sunday (59)

Sitting down at the table, once more working on the bundle of letters, Shinji felt the approach of his friend more than heard it. Suzuka would always let him know she was there, he'd found, by simply thinking about him as she approached. Not once had she demanded he stop what he was doing, nor would she be upset by him taking his time in acknowledging her, despite his own personal insistence that he do so as soon as possible. "We are not alone in the house," he smiled up to see her nod in understanding of his meaning.

"The redheaded waif, I have been told. She apparently could not handle her wine, and was put to bed to sleep it off." Setting down her sword, she extended a small, cloth-wrapped, bundle, "A gift from my husband."

Accepting the package, Shinji smiled gratefully. "Admiral Lazarev's vineyard makes some very good tasting wine. It is, apparently, also very strong." Unwrapping the ribbon, he found a well-polished wooden practice knife.

"Weighted," the swordswoman clarified. "It should weigh about the same as the metal blade, with near to the same balance." Her smile was pleased as he gripped it properly, testing the heft, "It took several attempts for him to be satisfied. The lacquer and polish should be similar to my sword, and I will walk you through caring for it."

Something Asuka had said the previous night at dinner resurfaced, and Shinji carefully set the gift down before looking across the table at his friend, "Suzuka…is it wrong of me to wish that there was a way to peacefully resolve our war with the Angels?" Sitting back, he folded his hands in his lap, "I…agree, I am a warrior. But I don't see you seeking violence as the only response, even in a situation where you were presented no other rational means to resolve the matter."

"To seek peace where there is no balance to be had, is foolish. To seek war where there can be no resolution is equally so." Sliding her fingers together, she rested her chin on the net they formed, "A peace forged only through strength of arms is temporary, a war waged with no goal is eternal. The question you should be asking yourself is, do you want peace with your enemy, or do you just desire to not be the one to kill them?"

"But…I don't hate them. Certainly not as much as some do. I just don't want them to end innocent lives, people who haven't done anything but try and live. We don't know what the Angels want, except…perhaps this 'Father' they talk about." He tapped his chest, "I think I might even be the thing they're looking for. But getting them to stop…to talk, I'd have to admit what I'm doing. Am I wrong for not taking that risk? You know what's going on," he shifted his finger to his head, "shouldn't I try and think of a way to seek peace?"

"You have your answer already, Shinji," her smile was fond. "You have no need to seek my approval to wish for peace. I would only caution that you keep your expectations realistic. Sacrificing all of the other good you can do in the world for a fool's errand, only to assuage your conscience? Would you feel that wise?"

He bowed slightly from his seat, "I…just wanted the opinion of someone I trust."

"And you will ever have that," her eyes floated back and forth between his knife and him. "So, shall we see if my husband's craftsmanship has merit? Or would you prefer to continue practicing unarmed?"

"I would be happy to trust Suzuki-san's work." Carefully refolding the letter he'd been reading, he capped his pen and picked up the knife, "Rifles jam, and my fists and feet can only bludgeon, I've had to use my prog knife to win most of the encounters. I can't afford to not study harder with the style. Sometimes defending everyone…will mean killing. Sometimes, I can use words. I just need to make sure I'm capable of both."

+++++ 9th Angel + 1: Sunday (59)

 _How long are you going to stay?_

"Not long after breakfast," Asuka stated with a shrug. "I found what I needed. What you said wasn't possible."

 _If you pressed him, he'd be just like everyone else. He said it himself. He thinks you're, and I quote, 'gorgeous'._

"If I pressed him, it would be _my_ fault he broke," she hissed. "You can't push an anvil onto a window and not expect it to shatter. Of course I'm gorgeous, he's just admitting the truth. He trusts me, and if I approached him like that he'd kn…think I was interested. He's innocent. Naïve. He carried me to bed, straightened out my dress, and covered me over without once touching me inappropriately." She hugged her arms around her torso as she remembered his calm and steady hands, "He even whispered that he was sorry that my life has been miserable. That he had to help me, somehow. Every test you come up with, he passes."

 _And the Major?_

"She and Hikari love each other. They love Shinji. So long as she stays in her lane and keeps doing what's best for him, I won't have to worry. He spent more time at dinner talking to the little doll than he did either of them, and that wasn't an act. He adores his little sister. She's his chance to do something about his past." Watching Shinji slap aside two heavy slashes, she grinned, "And you were worried he was being perverted there. If he has a single sexual thought about her, it's 'Kill the first person that touches her sexually'."

 _You know they had sex before they returned. It was written all over her._

"They are engaged to be married," Asuka rolled her eyes. "That's what couples do. He went out to fight, he came back safe, they wanted to procreate. It's a biological imperative. He probably did it with Hikari after I pretended to be drunker than I was. How is that wrong?"

 _He lied to you._

" _She_ , not him." Her clarification was pointed, "We know she lies. I told you what she asked, and how he acted. He didn't know that was her goal, he trusted the woman he's going to marry. Stop going in circles, if you have solid proof that he's lied to me, spit it out. Otherwise, get me the data I need for my thesis."

 _I just don't want him to be like Klaus, you-_

"Thank you, Frau Marlowe. I _remember._ " Turning away from the window, she considered the attached bathroom, "I think I'll take advantage of his hospitality. He wouldn't mind, after all we're…friends."

+++++ 9th Angel + 1: Sunday (59)

Shinji laid on the coffee table, pleased that the surface had been made to withstand parking a tank on it, "I don't think it's his fault, Suzuka. He had to know we'd try this." With his shirt tossed aside, his chest bared, he smiled comfortingly, "All this time? I'm honestly shocked this is the first."

Plucking shards of wood from her friend's skin, the irate swordswoman glared at the remnants of the wooden dagger, "He told me he stress-tested the materials, Shinji. What if this was the metal ballast, and not this?" Holding up a jagged chunk, covered in blood, she raised her eyebrow, "How would I explain to Hikari-chan, Maya-chan, that I murdered their husband, hmm? Swore his craftsmanship would hold up, _his word_."

Conceding that she wasn't in the mood to hear him defend her man, Shinji let his head fall back. As he did, he saw Asuka walking over with a perplexed scowl, wearing the bathrobes he'd made certain to leave for guests and carrying the dress she'd worn the night before, "Good morning, Asuka. Once I'm out of surgery, I'll make some breakfast. If you'd like, I can get that stain out for you?"

"What, and I believe I'm being rather reasonable about this, the _absolute_ _fuck_ are you doing to him?" The redhead tossed her dress onto the sofa, hurrying over and examining the scene, "Mein Gott, Shinji, I can see the skin sealing!"

"Please do not block the light," Suzuka murmured, "it is difficult enough to be certain of my work without the added challenge." Picking at another shard until it came free, she added it to the small basin of its mates, "I am, as he indicated, performing surgery. His weapon failed, catastrophically, resulting in what I presume you are capable of seeing for yourself."

Keeping his head rotated firmly away from where his wingman sat, displaying a great deal of leg and more, Shinji judged risking an accidental eye down the robes of his instructor-now-best friend to be better than sending Asuka the wrong message, "It's nobody's fault, Asuka, it really isn't. I'm training to defend myself, and everyone else. I know you've been training most of your life, but I've only had less than a few months now. I can't go slow, and accidents happen."

Gripping his forehead, Asuka turned him to face her, "Accidents don't end with your chest looking like a forest after a meteor impact! I don't see any needles; did she even give you anesthetic?"

His eyes stayed attached to hers, the bathrobe having fallen open more than enough to provide him with 'fan-service', "I don't feel pain, not unless it's severe enough to kill me. I promise, Asuka, I'm fine." Shifting his eyes towards where he'd seen the dress fall, he tried to change the topic again, "If you'd prefer, I can tell you where to find the stain remover? It's pretty good, and that wine hasn't _really_ set in yet, I don't think."

"Child, he is attempting to avoid mentioning that you are displaying wares you have no intention of selling," Suzuka deadpanned. "Unless, of course, you _are_. At which point, please, do not mind me. However, I need him to stay stationary, so as to allow me to complete what I am doing before Nozomi-chan awakens."

Asuka, her hands still on his temples, looked down at her robe and took note of the 'problem'. The instant she let go to address the 'draft', Shinji's head snapped back to where he faced away. This meant that he missed her blush, a fact she was incredibly grateful for, "Please. The laundry area, I'm guessing?"

His voice matched hers, a calm tone for a calm tone, "Yes. Down the stairs, then turn around and you'll see the machines. The oxygen-infused stain remover is the green bottle with the blue cap. Take the cap off, you'll see tiny bristles on the end of the nozzle, squeeze enough out to cover the stain and then lightly run the bristles into the fabric. It won't damage your dress unless you grind it hard enough to damage the bottle."

"Thank you," standing back up, she shuffled sideways until she was positive she was out of sight. "For…being a gentleman."

After the redhead was out of the room, Suzuka sighed, "Free to ogle your physique, not shy at all about presenting herself until she's called on it. You may have kept your eyes where they belonged, but she lingered quite deliberately on those places she found appealing. Your allies, my friend, are a damaged lot."

"I'm not exactly one to judge, Suzuka," he sighed, looking up at her. "Asuka-san needs me. Which means I need to do what I can to be there for her. The problem is, I can't prioritize her. I made a commitment, and I still need to figure out how to help Rei-san. And Misato-san. And Kodama. I need to get in touch with Noelle-san, figure out why Idunn-san hasn't been around…. The list keeps growing, people who I can feel in my gut need me to be there for them, but there's only so many hours."

"Your commitment does merit primacy," she worked another shard free. "However, your commitment being to two women means that you do have more freedom. They will not lack for company as you attempt to redress problems that have reached you. Would Hikari-chan not encourage you to trust her and Maya-chan?"

"…That…isn't the problem," his hands fidgeted, uncomfortable admitting to anyone what he'd been afraid of.

"They would rather know you lived while you could, Shinji." Suzuka, far from ignorant of the ways his mind worked, was all too familiar with the fears he struggled with, "Death will come, when it comes. Even to you and I. Should you fall, give yourself the comfort of knowing you did all you could while alive. Should they? Trust that they loved a man that was true to himself, and that they did not love a man who cut his own arm off while pretending to be whole."

His hands quieted, "Is that how Suzuki-san is, to you?"

"Our marriage should not be compared to yours," she snorted, drawing out the final splinter. "I love him, and he loves me. But there are many days where the less time we spend in each other's company, the better for our marriage. You? The more time you spend around those you love, and they number more than two, the better for _everyone_." Running her fingers along the wounds, she let the sensitive tips feel for anything she may have missed, "My wisdom comes from experience. Your strength comes from your heart. You will reach where I sit, with time." Bending down, she kissed his chest as she determined it free of defects, "I may yet remember what true strength is, with exposure to you."

+++++ 9th Angel + 1: Sunday (59)

"I promise I'll get these back to you," Asuka tugged on the shirt that she declined to admit she didn't fill out in the chest quite as well as Hikari did. "I'm sorry for making a mess of myself, that wine is worse than any of the beers I had back home."

"You weren't a bother," Hikari smiled politely. "From what I understand, you would be deemed a 'sleepy' drunk. Shinji said he had no problems with you flailing as he set you in the guest room. It's what it's there for, and you're welcome to it." Hugging Shinji's side, she looked up at him, "Right, my love?"

"Always," Shinji nodded firmly, gesturing to the bag that she carried. "Are you sure you don't want me to work on that stain? I know you can manage, but I have a lot more space here."

"I feel bad enough for staying the night, _Paladin_. I don't need you doing my laundry too." Waving with a determined smile, she turned to leave, "I need to get back to my thesis if I'm ever going to get it done. I'll come by again, sometime."

Hikari whispered as she watched Asuka walk away, "She has a fairly bony ass. That's a shame, with how pretty she is."

Shinji choked back on his volume, " _Hikari_!"

"I mean, it's not _my_ fault that I'm spoiled by having two loves with phenomenal back ends." She set her hand to rocking back and forth, "Her? Six out of ten. She should do some yoga, or squats. Not terrible, but certainly not Maya's."

"Not my what?" The major worked her way under Shinji's other arm, "Are we gossiping?"

"I said you have a better butt than Asuka-san," Hikari pursed her lips into a pout. "Then Shinji got mad."

"I am _not_ going to compare my wingman's posterior to my fiancées'," he whispered tersely. "You shouldn't either!"

"Why?" Maya was genuinely puzzled, "Shinji, I'm sorry to report that Soryu-san does not have the upper attributes to compare to Hikari. We women judge each other _all the time_. It's normal. If you're going to be married to us, you're going to hear us be honest with each other."

"Nice eyes, though," Hikari nodded. "I mean, total package is the high-end of solid on the physical side. Eight, eight and a half. Mentally? If she'd calm down some, she'd not be dragging her total overall score down."

"I am engaged to two beautiful women," Shinji stated firmly. "Who do not need to judge themselves against other women, or other women against themselves."

"He'll never understand," Maya laughed. "It's how he is."

Hikari nodded, "And we love him for it."

"Now, we need to get going." Maya stepped free of Shinji's arm and collected Hikari for a farewell kiss. After lingering for long enough that Shinji blushed, remembering a few of the recent kisses they'd shared in the room, she stepped back and took her fiancé's hand, "I want to get that sniper rifle tested, you need to check in with your EA after yesterday to make sure that everything's fine. And I want to be home in time for dinner."

+++++ 9th Angel + 1: Sunday (59)

"What we have here, Paladin, is the Type X-99A Anti-Angel Rifle," the Chief Engineer stood with Shinji, going over the particulars of the weapon. "The rounds it fires are made of a different composition than the rounds fired by the pallet rifle, enabling us to use a magnetic propulsive force, instead of the standard mixed chemical and powder charges." Drawing his attention to the round that had been left out for demonstration purposes, the man's pride in his team was evident, "Since you have incredible dexterity, even in the Eva, we were able to make the ammunition hand-loaded for emergencies."

 _At least we're not going to fire the entire nation's energy supply._ "So, this is for ambushes then? Not for regular engagements?" Shinji stood professionally, his hands behind his back and clasped. The photography team was working once more at their craft to show that even after defeating an Angel, Lord Shinji Ikari would not rest. "One of us will have to eliminate the enemy's A.T. Field, unless you believe this will strike with enough force to penetrate it."

"It has greater accuracy when you use the stability bipod," Maya cut into the conversation. "But the test I'm wanting to run today is to see if you can use it on the move. Once with the MAGI assisting your aim, then the next with just your gut instincts." Holding out her tablet, she showed the mock-up targets, "We'll be firing into the hillside, away from the occupied zone. So unless you botch the shot tragically, you'll be burying the rounds into the Earth and not someone's living room in China. If we had this during the Fifth Angel, we wouldn't have had to send you in with nothing but a knife and harsh language."

"And if it doesn't work," the Chief shrugged, "we'll at least learn why. Failure's a part of weapons development, sir. If we never try anything, we never learn what we don't know. Theory only gets us so far, eventually we have to put something together and try it out. The full rail-gun concept requires too much support, but by piggybacking off of your connection to the reactors we can hopefully eke out enough juice to blow a hole in something."

"So, go climb in and get ready for A-Ten," Maya made a shooing motion. "We'll use the bipod mount, with the MAGI assist, to get a reasonable estimate of how well the Eva interfaces with the rifle. Then we'll try a realistic scenario of using this on the move. Then lunch." She frowned at her now-empty boxed lunch, "Or…something."

"Eat mine," Shinji offered, rubbing her shoulder with his big paw. "I'm not hungry, and I can't eat while I'm in the Eva. LCL-soaked anything…just better not to."

"We're working on that too," the Chief laughed. "If you have to be in the saddle for a long haul, you can't go without food and expect to operate at your best, right?" Catching Maya eyeing the food she'd been offered, he smiled, "Ma'am, you go ahead and sit at the observation terminal. I'll help Paladin get situated." Nodding subtly to Shinji, he tipped his head in an unspoken request for support.

"I'll be fine with just the Chief," Shinji agreed quickly. "It's not like I haven't done it by myself, with one person helping me I'll be able to work my way in just fine. Sit, eat, we'll get this moving." Stepping back out of the path so that the engineer could take the lead, he gave Maya a smile before turning away.

After they were some distance away, the broad-shouldered man looked to Shinji, "Sir, it's not my place to say…but you have a tendency to like people who give it to you plain. I think you need to have a talk with Major Ibuki. If she's starving herself because she's afraid of getting fat, or if she feels the need to compete with Miss Horaki…well, if you saw my wife you'd know I have a 'type'. The good Major fits that to a 'T', and I'd hate to see someone as brilliant as her flame out because she didn't eat. My wife did that when we were younger…starving, then binging because she starved, it's not healthy."

 _If I had to guess, it's because she's going through the same thing Nozomi is, with increased brain activity. He's right, I should have noticed this and made changes to her lunch…this was thoughtless of me._ "You're right, Chief. I prefer it when people come to me with problems they see, and this is one that I should take seriously, even if I wasn't engaged to be married to her. I'll have a talk with Hikari, it might come easier from another lady…she might just see me as saying 'You're fine the way you are' and not 'Please don't hurt yourself'."

"I'll see about keeping some healthy stuff around where I can offer it to her," the Chief seemed relieved that Shinji wasn't angered about someone complimenting his fiancée. "Ask my wife what she thinks might work, she has some things she says are filling without being bloating…her words." Working the levers on the lift, he set them rising towards Shinji's plug, "Sort of related," he let an honest smile show, "congratulations. There were a number of young men in my team that were upset you snagged her as well."

Shinji's laugh was as honest as it was disbelieving, "She snagged us, Chief. Hikari and I are lucky beyond belief to have someone willing and interested in actually being a part of…I really never thought it'd happen. Not even Hikari, not ever one. Two wonderful women? I still wake up thinking I'm dreaming that people aren't talking behind their hands."

"You're a braver man than…I," the man gestured towards the ground as he caught sight of motion below them, "seems Ayanami-chan wants to talk to you."

Shinji turned around, catching sight of his blue-haired wingman. Pensive frustration plastered all over her, if you knew where to look. "I'll stand up here," hefting himself onto Unit-01's back, he urged the Chief back towards the ground. "If you wouldn't mind bringing her up. I can give her a few minutes, it seems important."

"Straight away, sir," the basket began dropping back down to the ground.

"I…." Frowning as he realized that his request was being given the force of an order, he sighed and sat himself on the edge of Unit-01's back to wait. _I've got to be careful how I speak._ He grinned ruefully, _At least I can hear my own voice again. That's something._

It was another few minutes as the lift moved at a Safety Committee-approved pace before Rei appeared alone, the Engineering Chief walking over towards the tent where Maya was setting up the monitoring protocols instead. The bluenette's hesitation was written across her features loud enough that Shinji's worry grew enough for him to slide back down into the bucket before she spoke.

"Rei," using her preferred lack of honorific, he hesitated in the middle of extending his hands to take hers in a comforting gesture, "I…uhm, what's wrong?" Pushing through his own reservations, he took the diminutive pilot's pale fingers and held them loosely, "You look scared."

Her tone was a mixture of confusion and surprise, "You are touching me."

"S-sorry!" Letting go, he stepped back again, "Sorry! I-I just-"

Her eyes narrowed as she spoke over him, "He does not hear you, and I do not appreciate you speaking ill of him. His actions are in keeping with his trauma, he believed I was discontent." Reaching purposefully out, she took his hands in turn, reasserting the grip he had used, "My statement was intended to convey surprise, not disdain. After I caused difficulty for you, I was…incorrect in my assumption that you would be upset with me. I forget, at times, that you are unlike the others."

"Really?" Shinji chuckled, trying to use humor to cover over his awkward gaffe, "I didn't know that there were that many people who looked like I do. I thought I was rather unique in appearance, with the whole 'enormous pale man' routine."

Blinking slowly, there was a delay before a tiny smile raised the corners of her mouth, "A joke. Thank you, for sharing it with me."

When the woman before him laughed, a fluttering, tinny laugh, Shinji could only laugh along. It was absurd, farcical, that he was standing here holding hands and cracking a joke with _Rei Ayanami_. Her actions and reactions had changed so drastically, it was difficult for him to imagine that it was he and not she that had gone back in time. "I'm not upset, Rei. I'm…worried. I've never seen you get angry, let alone hit someone."

Her head tilted slightly, "I was speaking of not being present for the recent Angel."

"Oh." Readjusting his thinking, he tried to put himself in her mindset, "I…uhm, well I would have liked to know you were safe. I heard you were stuck in an elevator, and that can be dangerous. We," he avoided the 'A'-word, "were able to take care of the Angel. I would have checked on you afterwards, no," he shook his head, "I _should_ have checked on you afterwards. I'm sorry, that I was…dizzy, it's no excuse for not checking on a friend. I apologize."

"I would not have been available until well after you had left. I was sent from the elevator to instead speak with the Commander. He briefed me on a few matters that I cannot discuss at this time," she shrunk slightly, "I am sorry."

"No, no," Shinji urged her back upright, "the Commander sets policy, I don't get special exemptions from his rules regarding classification, not any more than you do!" He gave her his hopeful smile, trying to hearten her, "If I couldn't see you, that still doesn't stop me from being a bad friend for not trying. But, we both are here now. What can I do to help?"

She nodded, "She says you need to sing for rain. It will help you block out…." She frowned, a cute motion that Shinji readily admitted ought not be as adorable as it was, "She says that this individual does not have a name. It is the other voice, not the one that I hear. That you are currently heavily in her sway, and by singing for rain you will be freed, to an extent."

"Is…is Dark not talking to me directly because of what Gentle did?" Shinji scowled, "I'm not happy, but I'm not going to cut off help because of the actions of one person. She should know that."

Rei paused, looking past Shinji's shoulder, "I will not. It is not for me to make that decision, and he does not need further…."

He waited for a few moments, as Rei's mood darkened while the conversation continued in her mind. _I need to get this moving. If Maya's hungry, I need to do something to get us moving again._ Feeling around inside of his mind, he sought out the newest Song. The looming ominous power of Thunder, the vastness of Water, the sprightly flow of Music, all seemed to wave and greet him as his presence travelled the halls of his own soul. It was much like being greeted by children, eager to exist in his grace, if only for a moment.

The most recent addition to his repertoire was as unique as any of the others, perhaps more so in his estimation. Where all of the other songs he'd been exposed to seemed to exist as broad ideas, the essence of Matarael instead was very simple. _Rain_. Nothing more, nothing less, just liquid dropping from the skies in all its forms. The tune was easy to pick up, and as he hummed along with the Song of the Ninth Angel, he felt the skies darken slightly.

"Shinji!" Maya called from the ground, "We need to get a move on! The MAGI agree that a surprise rainstorm is coming through, so wrap up whatever you're doing with Rei and let's move!" She made a rolling motion with her hands, "Come on!"

 _Finally._ Dark's voice slipped into his thoughts, _Ok. Rei, thank you for passing along the message. I will agree to your terms, for now._ She stood on the nearby Eva, _Shinji, keep humming. You're doing good, but if you keep the Song on a lower power setting you won't upset your mate's precious tests._

"I will go," Rei recovered her hands. "I am sorry if I have, oh!"

Shinji cut her off by picking her up into a hug, "Don't apologize for asking for my time, Rei." Holding her tight, he tried to balance the musicality of summoning his power with speaking, to limited success, "I'd like more time with you, when we can."

Pressing back, her hands on his chest, she leaned up and placed her kiss where she had chosen as 'her' spot, "Thank you, Shinji. Perhaps at school tomorrow, we could have lunch."

As he set her down, Shinji had a brief, irrational, moment where he mentally compared Rei's form with Nyx'. The feel of her in his embrace, of her body against his, even though in friendship and collegiality and not in lust, triggered everything. _Stop. Don't do that to her._ "I'll make you something nice, so don't worry about making anything," he smiled, unable to hide his thoughts entirely. "Please be careful. Everything's getting wet." As Shinji climbed back into place, he watched as the outline of Dark moved to keep alongside him.

 _It was not my choice to stop speaking with you, Shinji. After a period of adjustment, she's become moored to your mind. It's only while you use the music within your soul, or through an abuse of power that I'm not eager to make a habit of, that we can talk like this._ She followed him into the entry plug, sitting on his lap sideways, _She won't tell you everything, and she won't be close to impartial._

Flipping his wrist communicator back to broadcasting, he kept his song going as best as he could, "Seating the plug." _It isn't like you've been incredibly free of bias in what you've told me._ Riding out the sensation of sinking, he settled his body into the chair, _I can't trust her completely, but if I don't work with her she'll erase me from existence. I tried to trust you, and Gentle controlled my thoughts. So far, I'm not seeing a huge benefit to doing anything more than destroying the Angels and sending Nyx off to do whatever it is she wants to do, well away from Earth._

"We're going to connect you in five, four," Maya continued the countdown, synchronizing him with his Eva as she finished.

As he flooded out to the dimensions of Unit-01, his song grew with him. The power increase sent it from a small drizzle to a steady downpour. _I can't keep singing like this, not if it's going to interfere with testing. So whatever it is you wanted to say, let's get it out._

 _You would doom the multiverse, Shinji. She will continue to purge every reality but this one, every line of creation but hers. You carry within you the potential to stop her, you just need to fight her will long enough to gain what it is you need._ Dark gripped his shoulders, her fingers squeezing tight, _I will give you whatever aid I can. Now and in the future, after victory is assured. If you want me to, I will swear to stay here on Earth to help. Do whatever you ask. Just don't give in to her! I believe in you, I believe in_ peace _, please…just give me a chance here._

"Ok, Shinji," Maya's voice seemed irritated. "I want you to look down the scope, line up the first target. It's the blue box with the red 'X' on it. Don't fire, we're just getting range and position for now."

The depth and breadth of the threat Nyx posed was still unclear in his mind, _How can she effect other realities? How can I? I want better answers…but I'm willing to let you make your case. Not right now, though. I need to worry about Maya, and this test. Work with Rei, come up with a plan to talk to me that doesn't involve flooding the city, and doesn't inconvenience her._ Cutting his song off, he put himself to the task, "Will this weapon be for all of the Evas?"

"We're hoping to make a multi-platform version," the Chief's reply was abstracted. "Right now, the goal is to get Unit-01 more viable from distance. Reduce the threat to you, increase the threat to the enemy. Paladin, I need you to verify something for me. You're looking down the scope?"

"I am," Shinji couldn't make anything out, "it's very blurry. Hold on." Lifting his head back off the weapon, he increased the magnification on his cameras to the maximum possible distance, then reduced it back to where it typically was, "Ok…looking again." The same blurry feed prevented him from seeing anything, "I'm sorry, I can't really make anything out. It's…blurry is the best word I have."

The Chief's response to a sigh from Maya was telling, "Which of you brain-dead apes failed to reseat the lens gasket?!" His voice grew dimmer as he stormed away from the terminal and the microphones therein, "Oh, we are going to have a good time today, kids."

"I guess it's a good thing it rained," Maya's face grew in his mind as she turned on her laptop's camera. "Imagine if this step was missed right before we had to fight."

Her slight scowl struck him as important, "Maya…what's wrong?"

She schooled her face towards neutral, "We'll talk about it later." Biting her lip, she shook her head, "It's not you, I promise."

 _Nothing in her song says she's lying,_ "Ok. Is there anything I can do while we wait for Engineering?" He gave her a goofy smile, "I could start singing again? I've found it kind of relaxing."

Laughing cutely, she shook her head, "Better not. We're supposed to be pretending to be serious and focused."

"I'm very focused," Shinji pretended to be aghast. "If I'm not focused, you and Hikari could gang up on me. I'd never stand a chance!"

"How's your _headache_ ," she kept her smile in place, even while emphasizing the 'hint'.

"Everything's nice and quiet," he responded after a second's thought. "Maybe the tension went away with the change in weather. I've heard that sometimes happens."

"That's possible, though I wouldn't put much scientific credibility to it without repeated experimentation," she shrugged. "Since we're waiting, how about I run you through some of your recent coursework. We'll spend the time studying." Her song spoke of contentment when he agreed easily, "Then…let's spend some time on divergence theorems, and work from there…."

+++++ 9th Angel + 1: Sunday (59)

"…and this is all you bring me?!" General Benoit slammed his fist down on the table, "A blurry picture that, for all I can tell, could be of a tree stump with a bird atop it? It has been a week! It cannot be impossible to track down someone smuggling military-grade technology into a country with import restrictions as stringent as Japan!"

"This guy is a ghost, sir," the agent spread his hands. "The only person that doesn't have a rock-solid alibi from the unit that this went missing from is dead. He suffered a heart attack from an undiagnosed congenital defect, dropped dead in the middle of a pass and review. The logistics sergeant has the most meticulous records I've ever seen, he has a well-documented anal-retentive streak that precedes him. It was, at most, a week between inventory checks. It was noted, documented, the paperwork filed with his commander, in a matter of hours. He had the camera records pulled, we investigated everyone that went inside. It's…like it just vanished," he finished lamely, knowing that his statement would be seen as an excuse.

"Merde," the elder officer swore. "Go. Check in with the unit analyzing the traffic records."

Idunn waited until the junior agent was out of the room before speaking, "If this man can infiltrate reasonably secure weapons depots, cross oceans without any paperwork, appear and disappear in the middle of a forest with few access roads, then I'm afraid that nothing I plan will prevent him from simply stabbing Shinji in the heart." Looking at her boss, she sat back in her chair and crossed her arms, "I can't stop a ghost."

"I don't expect you to," Philip grimaced. "You are there to keep him calm. The illusion of security is still better, in this instance, instead of returning the only person capable of defending us to a life of paranoid anxiety. If this 'Perfume' wanted Shinji dead, I fear it would have already happened." Scowling down at the photo, he let his mind ruminate on the dilemma, "I presume we are not going to have problems between you and him, after their decision?"

Her response was wan, "Considering I don't intend on approaching him? I doubt there will be problems." Picking up the folder of roster assignments she'd presented before the junior agent had brought in the results of his investigation, she gestured with it towards the door, "I'll be busy trying to make sure he lives long enough to regret his decisions. It has been made well and truly clear that my input on the matter isn't desired."

"By others, not him," the father, and grandfather, of more than one strong-headed young individual sighed. "I approved your assignment with him because I felt it would do you as much good as it would him, Idunn. He could stand to hear from your wisdom, it's not often that one child soldier can counsel another during the war."

"And he listens to me," standing she shrugged. "But I cannot put myself in a position where I'm directly fighting against others in his support system and expect positive results. His legal guardian has the right to tell me to back off, and that's that. I need to go update the CRs. Unless you have anything else for me, sir."

Recognizing a lost cause, he decided to shelve the topic for the moment, "You don't need my permission, Idi. I trust your judgement." _I just wish I could trust you to see what's right in front of you, sometimes._

+++++ 9th Angel + 1: Sunday (59)

Hikari had an air of a woman pleased with herself, "I thought it was pretty clever. She no longer has enough income, her mother-in-law refuses to help her out in any way, and the family you sent to see Nanako-san needs a stable daycare service. Putting them in touch with each other, using the Shirakami as an intermediary, means that we might be able to resolve both issues without anyone losing face."

Shinji laid on his back, Maya under one arm and Hikari under the other, "I agree. That was very sharp thinking." He wasn't shy about admitting to himself that he was now greatly accustomed to having other people there as he attempted to sleep. It was one of many promises he'd made, that he would make an earnest effort. If nothing else, an hour or so of holding two brilliant women as they drifted off to slumber was a form of catharsis for past traumas.

"Hopefully they'll help each other," Maya murmured. Her mood had been slowly growing more dour, her replies less verbose, as the evening had worn on. With both hands occupied on Shinji's shoulder, she clung tightly to his body.

"What's wrong, Maya?" Hikari rolled partly atop Shinji's chest, reaching over and gently stroking her other partner's arm, "You seem pretty morose, you were happy when you came home." Comfort and compassion rolled freely from her tone, her song in full agreement with the effort to buoy everyone's spirits.

"We have to go to school tomorrow," Shinji answered for the odd-woman out, his insight into Maya's mind through their odd union giving him clarity despite the major's change to the taciturn. "She has to go to work. We get to spend the day at least near each other…she gets to spend the day at work." His gravelly rumble muted some of the sympathy he attempted to express, "It's unfortunate, especially after we've spent the last several days with each other."

"I have two people, not just one, but two!" Taking Hikari's hand, she rubbed their combined grip along Shinji's chest, "And I have to miss _both_ all day. The highs are twice as high, the lows are twice as low. You're going to be bored and wasting your time at school, I'm going to be tearing my hair out over dividing my teams to support the new priorities." Hefting their hands, she thumped Shinji's sternum, "It's also…going to be weird working around her again."

"If it helps you not be as stressed," Hikari worked her fingers lightly along Maya's hand, "isn't it ultimately better? None of us believe that she was in her right mind, we have proof through this 'Nyx' that she controlled her. Just treat her like a colleague, not too friendly and not too distant, and let the situation speak for itself."

"Easy for you to say," the Major groaned. "You didn't have a massive crush on her."

"Oh yes I did," Hikari laughed, sliding so that she was astride Shinji's lap. "Are you kidding me? She has this unapproachable mind, a fantastic body, and she didn't put up with anyone's nonsense. I am not ashamed to say that I had more than one illicit thought regarding her and I in a shower."

Shinji winced, remembering what nearly happened in a shower aboard the train. Happy, at least, that the lights were off in the room, he was able to cover over the mental image with a more pleasant example, "You do like showers."

Hikari, either forgetting Shinji's experience or ignoring it in favor of more positive encounters, lifted her chin contentedly, "Two firsts in them? Yes, yes I do like showers."

Maya, more in tune with the negative, slipped a hand over to squeeze Shinji's arm, "They can be really pleasant places, with the right people involved." Even with her own mood turning, she still made the effort to prevent Shinji from joining her in the dark spaces. It brought a sad smile to both, and even without the lights on, they both felt that smile's presence.

 _Balanced perspectives,_ Nyx purred in his mind, slowing everything down around him dramatically, _are exactly why I encourage you to claim these two_. _You really shouldn't associate with low class scum, Shinji. I can't see what you said, the song blocks most of the memory from me, but I_ do _know you were speaking with this 'Dark'. Trust me, she can't offer you what I can. Even if her side would win, she would never be given the ability to affect the changes I can._

 _She at least offers me privacy in my bedroom and bathroom,_ Shinji growled mentally, emboldened by the desire to protect those he loved. _She doesn't try and take from me, or pressure me into things._

 _Oh? Are you certain?_ She laughed, _And how was it she knew where you were when you needed to save your little Mouse, hmm? How does she_ know _you are in here, and not somewhere else? Ask her that, Lover._

 _She says you want to limit all of creation to a single reality. That what you've done is destroying a 'multiverse'. Right now, I don't know how easy it is to trust either of you. If she's right, you've made me party to murdering countless lives. If you're right, she's peeping on me as I…do things. One of those crimes is a little bit more worrying than the other, Nyx._ Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath, _Am I?_

 _No. You can't murder what doesn't exist, Shinji. It's preposterous on its face._ He felt her hand caress his temple, _I am preventing the creation of any other realities until we cleanse this world of_ his _taint. Once that's done, and this world is free to proceed until the natural death of the star it orbits, then we will allow other realities to spawn naturally. This is a war, and I will not be sparing in my prosecution of it._

 _What do you mean_ 'his?' The distinction seemed key to his ear.

 _My counterpart._ Her lips pressed against his ear, _If you want more, you have to earn it. I'll see you later, Lover._

As the world accelerated, he shivered against the flood of sensations caused by his realignment to the reality around him. He could feel the nausea at the base of his neck, the pressure under his skin changing from a solid to a fluid.

"Oh…crabapples, that really hurts," Maya groaned in pain as she curled into Shinji's side, her head throbbing as the information he'd gained crammed its way into her own mind. "How…how do you ignore that? The volume, the _mass_."

"Dark told me it wouldn't harm you," Shinji sighed. "I'm sorry, Maya. You shouldn't have to be tormented by the things I experience." Shifting Hikari to flank Maya, he hugged them both to him, "How much did you hear?"

"All of it," she whimpered. "I'm not upset at you, Shinji…."

"What happened?" Hikari fretted over Maya, "One second we're playing, the next…did someone 'visit'?"

"When Nyx wants to speak to me," Shinji prepared himself to engage the Song of Morning, "everything slows down to a near stop. I think I don't have a problem with it because pain is…relative, for me. Maya doesn't have those protections." Breathing out the tune, Shinji tried to keep everything low-energy. It was bed time, and the last thing a headache needed, in his opinion, was a full-throated serenading.

Hikari, like every time she heard the song, warmed at the depth of his love for her. The worry over Maya's health was still present, and very motivating, but the anxiety that had begun to grow in her gut was beaten into submission easily. Maya, unaffected by the power of the Song itself, nevertheless relaxed as she felt Shinji's soul envelop her. The two young adults hugging the slightly-older adult and sharing the reassurance that things would get better.

It was a long night for them all, but as Maya and Shinji shared what they'd learned so far from Nyx, the day began to seem as if it were farther away than ever.

+++++ Author's Notes

Starfire99: RE: Rampages.

The soul within Unit-00. It found itself awake and aware, and was confused and distraught. It sensed Shinji and Unit-01, the Angelic energies from them, and attacked. More or less, it did what Yui does several times in the series. Rei I may not like Rei II, but she doesn't want her 'little sister' to die.

RE: Voice.

Adam's Children aren't evil, and that adds an element of tragedy. Especially when you consider that most of them are little more than hours old, physically, when they begin their attack.

origamishishou: RE: Wondergirl.

She had to go talk to the Commander, be briefed on the Akagi situation, consoled that it wasn't her fault that the elevator failed, and reminded that Kozo is not Gendo.

Martial Arts Master: RE: Nyx.

She is. Adam is Lilith's counterpart, and the Angels are Adam's Children, in the way that humanity are Lilith's. Only one was ever intended to reside on Earth, and to be fair to the Angels? Humanity was the mistake.


	73. Chapter 73

+++++ 9th Angel + 2: Monday (60)

"Shinji-san!" Kensuke bounded into the room well before anyone else had arrived, wide-eyed and fairly vibrating with excitement, "You'll never believe it! It's insane!" The bespectacled youth dashed over to set down his bag, then hurried back to Shinji's desk, failing to notice Hikari's amused expression, "The woman from the accident, the one that I carried into the building?" Propping open his laptop, he pulled up a video, "You can see here that she actually was evading a young kid that ran out of the shop across the causeway from the store you were in."

Shinji frowned as the security camera footage played. The delivery driver was riding a moped, as was allowed, through the pedestrian side-street at a reasonably safe speed, when a child not that much older than Nozomi jumped out in front of her. Instead of braking, an act that would have been more responsible but also likely to result in a collision with the youth, she swerved. That swerve set her into the path of another person, leading to a second overcorrection, which ultimately led to the collision which began everything. Sighing, and far too familiar with the aftermath, he nodded and looked back up to his one-time friend, "So, it was all a big accident."

"Even worse," Kensuke tapped his mouse and brought up a new video, "the kid was shoplifting." Sure enough, as the next video played, the evidence was quite clear that the child was running because they'd stolen something without being seen. In their impatience to make an escape with their stolen goods, they set in motion the series of events.

"That's horrible," Hikari gasped. "Because he wanted to steal some candy…that poor grandfather!"

Shinji felt duty clamp down on his shoulders, "Have you passed this onto the police, Kensuke-kun?"

"Uhm…no?" Kensuke shifted from foot to foot guiltily, "I'd…uh, kind of have to admit that I hacked into the MAGI again."

"Kensuke Aida, you-" Hikari paused as Shinji held up his hand gently, "Shinji, he almost got expelled the last time this happened. It was less than a year ago that he got his privileges back," her eyes dug into their classmate's face as he kept his own downcast.

"Then it's a good thing he came to me with this," Shinji sighed. "Akane?" Raising his voice only slightly, he kept one hand on the laptop. A small part of him was immensely grateful that Kensuke didn't attempt to pull the device away. As the agent sauntered into the room, he looked over, "My friend here has come upon some information that would be of some use to the police in determining fault for the fire in the market. The problem is, _how_ he came upon this information." Slowly removing his hand, he gestured to the laptop, "Kensuke-kun, if you would please."

The young man dutifully repeated the sequence for the Section Two professional, twice over at her insistence. The second time, he grimaced, "I really only did this because I wanted to know if someone was threatening Shinji-san. I wasn't trying to snoop."

"Hmm." The agent nodded, "It's the same angles we pulled too. Though, we couldn't seem to get the footage you spliced here, showing the kid nabbing the bag of candy," she tapped a portion of the bar displaying the time progression. "How'd you manage that?"

"The shopkeeper…he has a server where he hosts…uhm…shoujo manga." Kensuke blushed, "I…uhm, I may be downloading it and sending it to Sakura-chan from time to time. It's not _technically_ illegal, since the server isn't password protected, just behind a public firewall. He also keeps the footage from his store's secondary cameras there, the ones that he isn't supposed to have because they film out into the street too."

"Neat," Akane pursed her lips. "Well, this will go nicely in the report we hand off to the police." She looked to Shinji, "It's a good thing I stumbled across Mikoto's magical girl addiction when I did, otherwise I'd never have found that lead." Winking, she turned to walk away, "I'd delete that if I were you kid. Hacking the MAGI is a serious offense."

"Deleting it right now." Kensuke flipped the laptop around and began dragging files into the trash, "All of the files."

"Shinji," Hikari sighed, "you shouldn't encourage him."

"I'm not." Shinji tented his fingers together, leaning forward as he'd seen his father do countless times as he sat on 'the Throne of God', "Kensuke-kun, this was rash. Foolish, dangerous, and ultimately unworthy of someone who idolizes the people charged with protecting our nation. That the outcome was a net positive does not change the fact that you broke the law."

"I-I'm sorry," the young man closed his laptop, bowing in apology.

"While I should, based on not only my title but on the position of public trust I hold, turn you over to the police…I think I have a different punishment in mind." Struggling to keep his tone chilled, when his heart hurt at having to berate someone who may have just saved the future livelihood of an unfortunate soul, Shinji paused to force himself to remain 'irritated'.

Hikari was shocked, her face hidden behind the iron mask she wore when passing judgment. The man she loved, the meek, mild-mannered man that never had a cross word for anyone, was suddenly… _terrifying_. She was going to upbraid their fellow student. Explain the consequences he faced if he got caught, tell him that it would destroy any future he had if he didn't straighten up. This, what her fiancé was doing, went well beyond that. "What do you feel is appropriate, my love?"

Borrowing heavily from the tone his father used, Shinji's cold dispassionate voice was made even more menacing by the gravelly rumble from his still-healing throat, "You will volunteer ten hours a week, if not more, for as long as it takes to teach Sakura Suzuhara how to _safely_ build and implement MAGI code. As you teach her, I want you to consider carefully _why_ what she is doing is safer. I want you to include that in what you teach her, so that both she, and you, grow to understand how important privacy, safety, and abiding by the law are." Sitting back, he set his hands down on his desk, "And I want you to apply for some colleges that teach ethical hacking, Kensuke. For pity's sake, don't waste your talent on dime-store nonsense. Take pride in your craft, or nobody will take you seriously."

Kensuke grimaced, "Ten hours?"

"Does twenty sound better?" Hikari's eyes bored into his, "I think my fiancée is being rather generous, considering he's now a _knowing accomplice_ to a crime." As impressed as she was with his choices, she didn't want Shinji to feel as if he had no support in his decision to try and spin gold from dross.

"Ten sounds great," the otaku laughed hurriedly, desperate to try and recover lost ground. "I'll talk to her dad, I think I have a spare laptop she can borrow, make it all work. Don't worry! I got it. Teaching code. Absolutely." Backing away from two displeased glares, he kept eye contact until he bumped into the classroom windows, spinning away to hurry to his desk and 'safety'.

Glancing over to his right, Shinji saw the 'later' gesture and nodded. Part of leadership, according to not only Hikari's song but Akane's and Mikoto's, was not breaking character no matter how hard you wanted to laugh at the antics of your followers.

+++++ 9th Angel + 2: Monday (60)

"…which means that for at least three days this week you will be working with Doctor Akagi." Maya sat on the lip of her desk, trying to remain casual while asking some of the people who worked for her to accept cooperating with someone they devoutly believed harmed Shinji. With Misato in the room, mimicking Maya's casual demeanor, the two women did their level best to instill calm into a volatile situation, "I chose you, out of all of the people working with me, because I trust your professionalism. Each one of you has shown me that you understand the duty we're charged with, and none of you have given me reason to doubt your dedication. You do excellent work, and I do not doubt you will continue that trend. So," standing, she spread her hands, "any questions?"

The lead tech, a bulky man known for his honesty, raised his hand, "Just one, Major. If I may?"

"Of course," Maya smiled wryly, "you know how this works Sadamoto-kun. I don't ask for questions just to pretend I care."

The group laughed, and Sadamoto dropped his hand with a grin, "That's why we like working for you, ma'am. I'm pretty sure I speak for all of us when I ask, why? Scuttlebutt was pretty easy to come across about what she did to your man. Doesn't settle well with me, and again I'm pretty sure I speak for all of us, that they're ordering _you_ to work with her again. We don't need someone like that, we're better than that."

"Major," Misato stepped forward, "since this question goes to policy, would you mind if I fielded it?" Balancing 'Command' with 'Friend', she waited patiently for Maya to agree with a slow nod. "Thank you. Sadamoto-kun, first, I'd like to thank you for your honesty. The young man who suffered for what Doctor Akagi was accused of doing would agree with me when I say that honesty is the most important piece of any professional relationship. If we don't know how we're failing, we can't remedy that failure. However," clasping her hands before her, she settled 'Command' firmly in front, "the decision was made by Commander Fuyutsuki that burning out Major Ibuki by asking her to be responsible for everything was irresponsible. As distasteful as it may be to accept, Doctor Akagi is a singularly brilliant scientist who did not handle herself well under pressure to produce."

"That's one way to put it," Sadamoto crossed his arms. "I'd use a different phrase, myself."

"In that," she pressed past the interruption, "you differ from the young man we all admire. When I approached Shinji-kun with the Commander's plan, he didn't hesitate. His sole, overarching, concern was that Major Ibuki receive help. If any of you know of another polymath with the credentials and qualifications of Ritsuko Akagi, please, tell me." Looking amongst the assembled crew, she waited for several heartbeats before continuing, "I'd love nothing more than to not have to do this. But that's not how this works. The Angels _must_ die. The pilots _must_ live. Moral victories aren't going to save what's left of humanity, and so we are asking you to do your job. Remain in compliance with HR mandates, don't compromise yourself pursuing petty acts at the cost of our goals. And in so doing," she gestured towards Maya, "you will limit the amount of time Major Ibuki has to interface with the woman who abused her fiancé."

"We're…just concerned for our supervisor, Colonel," a younger woman spoke into the silence that followed. "We don't think she's failing, and if you are desperate enough to bring back a rapist…that's not a glowing endorsement of the Major."

"Attempted," Maya sighed. "I can at least help the truth spread. Before anything happened beyond inappropriate touching, which is certainly disgusting enough to merit punishment, things were interrupted. Yes, Pilot Ikari was a victim. No, he was not raped. Assaulted, touched inappropriately, traumatized, but that final boundary was not crossed. It's a slim difference, but an important distinction."

"And we are not replacing Major Ibuki," Misato placed her hand on the smaller woman's shoulder. "If she goes, believe me, I recommend everyone goes with her." Squeezing, she looked at Maya, "Because that would mean Shinji-kun is going, and I'll be the one driving them the hell out of here." Smiling, she looked back to the assembled staff, "I won't just fight for her to stay as Chief of Science, folks. I'm telling you right now that she and I are a team. I need her to keep my eyes open, and I know she needs me to help keep the power structure from doing anything stupid."

Sadamoto raised his eyebrow, "You putting your word on that, Sub-Commander?"

Misato shrugged, "I just did, Sadamoto-kun. Major Ibuki has not failed. This is not failure, it is proof that this project and the stakes involved are too great for any one individual to manage without losing their minds. I need you all to help me make this work, because until we can find someone qualified enough to spin up on everything we're doing, we only have what we have."

+++++ 9th Angel + 2: Monday (60)

"It isn't the best solution," Shinji handed Rei her lunch with a smile, "but it's a solution that doesn't blindly punish someone for trying to help." Settling his back against the tree, he pulled out his phone to send a picture of himself and Hikari to Maya with a note about how they wished she was there, and their hopes for her day not being terrible.

Hikari smoothed out her skirt, "So, Rei-chan, I wanted to say to you that while I cannot condone violence…I don't hold it against you that my sister got under your skin." Taking the lid off of her own meal, she shrugged, "I don't want you thinking that I'm permanently angry with you, or that we can't be friends. I just ask that you don't put yourself in situations that result in you being taken out of school, or force you to miss dinner with us. We'd like to have you around more often."

"Still…." Shinji hit 'send' and set his phone back down, "I really wish you hadn't resorted to violence. You're brilliant, Rei. You're easily smarter than I am, and far more eloquent when you choose to talk. There's no reason that I can think of, short of self-defense, for you to actually hit someone." _If everyone is going to look to me for leadership, I can't spare criticism to anyone. It's just a part of my life, now._ "Especially since I know you can hit pretty hard. Picking you up yesterday, I could feel that you're almost all muscle."

"What did she say?" Hikari idly twirled one of her chopsticks, frowning thoughtfully at the pale bluenette, "I've honestly never seen you angry, Rei-chan. It had to be something singularly irritating to get to you like that."

Rei, exuding a rather chastened aura, began to answer, "She…inferred that Shinji had-"

Shinji's phone rang with the Yebisu jingle, "Damn it. Sorry, Rei." Answering it, he schooled his voice towards neutrality, "This is Shinji."

Skipping past the usual preamble, the vivacious violet-haired Sub-Commander replied regretfully, "Hey, I'm sorry to ask you to do this, but I need you to come in. Commander needs to have a chat, and he feels it's important enough to pull you out of class. But, if she wants, you can strap on your plus-one and bring her with. Her call."

Shinji could only vaguely hear her song over the distance, and it sounded much more anxious than her voice did. "I understand. Where do I meet you?" _If the Commander needs me, chances are good that this is going to either be really quick, or I'm not going to leave for a while._

"Briefing room by the bridge. I _am_ sorry, Shinji, I know you value the normalcy of school. I'll see you when you get here." The line went dead, the lack of banter as clear an indication as any that nothing was as it should be in the House of NERV.

Pocketing his phone quickly, he stood with a grimace, "I have to go in." When both of his lunch companions stood with him, he shook his head, "It's just me. Misato said if you wanted to come in, Hikari, you can. But we have an obligation to be here for our classmates, and since I have to go it's up to you to be here." Looking to Rei, he reached over and gripped her shoulder, "Watch her back, Rei. I meant what I said at Unit-01, I'm not angry. I know you can do better, and that's all I ask, ok?"

Her eyes were downcast, her tone thoroughly disconsolate, "I will attempt to avoid disappointing you in the future."

"You…." _I_ am _disappointed. I shouldn't lie to her, even if I'm just trying to make her feel better._ "I know you'll do your best, Rei. You haven't lost my trust, ok?" Dropping his hand, he turned to face Hikari with a sad smile, "Guess none of us gets to spend any time with each other today."

"There's always the evening." Pulling him down, she kissed him gently before whispering, "Give her a kiss, show her that you mean what you say. Side of the mouth, just like she always does for you." Letting him stand again, her eyes conveyed that she wasn't upset by his friendship with his fellow pilot.

 _I don't know what happened to cause her to be so direct…is she domineering? Have I just never noticed…or cared?_ He nodded, then turned back to Rei and bent down to press his lips to the side of her mouth before stepping away and bowing his farewell. _I mean, it's not like kissing Rei feels_ bad _. Maybe it's a girl thing I don't understand. It's probably that._

+++++ 9th Angel + 2: Monday (60)

Shinji walked onto the bridge, his forward momentum awkwardly stopped when one of his Italian entourage jumped in front of him and threw her arms out, "Gah!" Aborting his motion, he grabbed the railing to keep himself from slamming into her, "Paola? What's wrong?"

"Mi scuso, Tesoro." Claudia grabbed his arm and pulled him back a step, "We need to talk."

The doors to the bridge sealed again as he was pinned back against the railing through manners and caution more than any physical intimidation or aggression. "The Commander's asked me to come in to talk," he looked between the two women, "I really should hurry into the briefing room."

Paola crossed her arms, "Inside that room is the woman who wronged you." The Adriatic beauty raised her eyebrow, "We simply wish you to know that despite being a strong young man who does not require his family to fight his battles, we are here for you to resolve problems should they arise."

"You are stubborn, Tesoro," Claudia took the 'good cop' approach and gently stroked his chest. "It is not a bad quality in a warrior, it helps you pick yourself up when the enemy knocks you down. But in this…perhaps it is best to trust your aunties? We promise, whatever she does you need only turn to one of us."

"Claudia," Shinji sighed, his irritation at the double-life he was forced into leading paraded the 'easy' route before him tantalizingly, "you know as well as anyone that nobody can do anything to me that I don't want. Both of you," he included Paola in his statement, "have had no luck in stopping me from walking through fire. I'm not in any danger from Doctor Akagi, and she wasn't herself when…that happened."

"And if she was?" Paola flicked her hair back, "What if she, like so many, wishes to have a piece of un giovane uomo sano? You do not do so well against the seductress, not nearly as well as you believe yourself to." Jabbing him with a finger, she glared challengingly at him, "Tell me, and tell me honestly, do you truly believe you will be fine in a room with someone like her? Someone that every camera we have seen with you two together in has been interested in more than your brain?"

Shinji was taken slightly aback, "You…reviewed all of the footage of us…."

"Of course we did," Claudia tilted her head to the side, curiosity written all over her face, "it is our job, is it not?"

 _This is an opportunity._ "What did you see, in the pool?" His entire demeanor changed as he asked, going from the defensive posture he'd been holding out of fear to excitement as he saw the chance for insight into something that had been bugging him. "When we had our one, and only, swimming lesson. She…was acting oddly, like everything had changed for her."

"What did I tell you about his brain?" Paola backhanded Shinji's chest, "His second-best attribute, and he uses it nearly as often as he uses the first."

"So you saw something," he looked between them, "I'm not making that up?"

"That is when she went from idle curiosity to active seduction, yes," Claudia sighed. "A seduction I see you have no interest in being a part of. So…as you have so readily proven that the fantastical is possible by singing peace and rain into existence, you believe there to be an answer to be found there. Something that goes beyond the 'normal'?"

"The…." Like a switch being flicked, his enthusiasm died, "Uh, I-"

"Have secrets," Misato said from the door. "And when you're ready, you'll talk with those people that you're comfortable talking to." Tossing her thumb over her shoulder, she eyed the three people in the hall, "If you're done harassing my son, we need to get this meeting started. C'mon, Shinji."

Turning to slide between his guards, Shinji began to wonder how much people knew of the things he did, all while saying nothing about it to him. "Thank you for…uhm…." _What am I thanking them for? Caring? Keeping my secret? Not making me seem like a bigger freak than I am?_ He paused, then gathered them both in a gentle embrace, "Just…thank you."

Two kisses, one from each woman on either cheek, preceded a slap on the butt from the same as they laughed at his blushing. In his mind it wasn't a bad life he had, even during the often random chaos he suffered through. At worst, he ached at the suffering he'd endured before with no one but himself to blame for it. He had been stuck between worlds, between being the child his years said he was and the adult his skills demanded he become. Now he was stuck between two new worlds. _Is it honestly better, or just different?_ The door slid shut behind him, the bridge deemed safe enough for only the standard contingent of Section Two agents and UNIG staff to maintain his security, and he glanced at Misato, "I…don't hide things very well."

"No," Misato drawled, drawing out the sarcastic shock, "really? I would _never_ have guessed." Laughing happily, she put her arm around his waist and squeezed, "You're fine just the way you are, Shinji. Nobody is going to look at everything you've accomplished and think you're out there trying to sucker us all into a false sense of security before going evil overlord on us."

It was an odd sensation, enjoying Misato's company. She managed to walk at his side with a grace and ease that Hikari hadn't yet managed, if she ever would, despite the colonel not having anywhere near the opportunities to practice it. With his hand on her shoulder, he whispered cautiously, "How many people know? I mean…is it everyone?"

"It's no secret, Shinji. Everything around you just…happens. Rain, happiness, people's lives improving." Pausing before the doorway to the briefing room, she looked up at him, "Will there be people who look at what you can do and panic? Yes. Will there be people who ascribe sinister motivations to your actions? Of course. Do I, or the Commander, see what you're capable of and think anything but, 'Thank every star in the sky that he's got a heart of gold'? No."

"I'm…not as good as you think I am," Shinji's blush deepened. "I have moments…thoughts."

"So do I," Misato shrugged. "I haven't shot anybody in a long time, and never outside of combat, even though there have been times where I've dearly wanted to. Your…abilities?" She nodded, "We'll go with abilities, your abilities may make it easier to kill someone hand to hand, but I can do the same thing with my sidearm. We don't, that's what matters. You're human, with human flaws, and human failings."

 _Not exactly the thoughts I was thinking about._ "So, uhm…what am I walking into?"

"Something that's tied into what we're talking about," she looked at the door, hesitating in moving through the portal. "Long story short, there's an argument going on. Unfortunately, you're at the heart of it." Tugging him on, she pushed past her reservations and did what she always did when doubt wormed its way in, she acted, "Let's go. Nothing to be done for it."

Shinji entered a situation that reminded him oddly of an old American Western that Misato and he had watched once in another life. In the movie, everyone had two guns, one for each hand, and those guns were pointed at two different individuals. In the scene, it was a moment that established the lack of trust between the main players. _I hope that's not what it is here. I hope I'm just not hearing their song right._

Commander Fuyutsuki was the first to his feet, a broad, too-happy, smile on his face, "Shinji-kun, thank you for coming. I really do apologize for pulling you out of your classes."

Slower to her feet, though with more genuine enthusiasm, Maya stood and greeted him with a warm hug, displacing Misato who moved to stand near one of two unoccupied seats, "Thank you for the picture earlier. I needed that today."

"It is always good to see hope and promise being matched well with action and preparation," General Benoit grinned. Reaching his feet, he gestured to Maya, "Your fiancée and I were speaking earlier about her ring, and I managed to impress her with my limited knowledge of jewelry. A French cut, as seen on her ring, is rarely pulled off so well with colored gems as I have seen there."

 _There it is._ The reality of the situation struck him, _They're afraid I'm going to panic._ The one person that hadn't spoken, instead sitting with her hands in her lap and her eyes on the laptop before her, was the first to receive a word from him, "Good afternoon, Ritsuko. I…apologize that it took me this long to find a way to convince them that what happened wasn't by your choice or design. For all of the work you've done, and watching the toll it's taken on Maya to take your place, I hope that we can move forward instead of lingering on what's passed." _Why aren't all of you noticing that I'm fine? Everyone else is freaking out about something that I'm not worried about. I'm so easy to read, so read me!_

The doctor's jaw set, then ground slowly as she looked up to Kozo in frustration. The nearly full month of hair growth, without the reapplication of the bleach, had returned her roots and close to two centimeters of hair to its natural cherry brown. Her body had lost some of its athletic tone, her skin a great deal of its luster. In all, she looked far different than she had when they'd gone to Jet Alone. Her voice, however, remained silent. The glare spoke volumes in its stead.

"Sir," Shinji went to speak again, cutting off at a squeeze from Maya. _Why? Why won't people just let me speak?_

"Shinji-kun," Kozo steadfastly ignored the enmity being directed his way, "before we proceed, I need to ask you a question."

 _Why won't she say anything? Has she been ordered to be silent?_ The continued shaming of the doctor grated at him, "I'm not going to panic, sir. The woman on the train is not in this room. Whoever, whatever, that was…it was not Ritsuko Akagi."

The elderly professor looked down, tilting his head as he thought through a variety of responses. Nodding after a short time, he regained control of the conversation, "You will hopefully forgive us for insisting on setting the table as we have. While your perspective is always valued, there are still legal and ethical considerations to be made regarding everything. How we treat you needs to be above reproach, not only as someone who suffered unduly while under our employ, but as a victim of abuse. But, each situation is dynamic, and I will agree that we can set aside some of the particulars if you are willing to state unequivocally that you have no intent on seeking charges against anyone."

His hand tightened on Maya's back, "I will not drag anyone's name through the mud for something they could not control, sir. I will not abandon my _friends_. I am not _him_." _I told them. I told Misato. I have maintained her innocence this entire time. Damn it all, Nyx._ The last thought startled him visibly as he realized that his errant statement might have summoned the entity herself, were it not for the Song of Thunder roiling in his chest. _How much damage did this test cause? I need to make this right._

"No sane man would ever accuse you of being similar to ton père, Paladin," Philip gently patted the table. "I should say your word just now is good enough from a legal perspective, considering everything we're managing." Looking across the span at his counterpart, he gestured towards the still-silent doctor, "You have my word that no formal charges will be applied, so long as she continues to cooperate along the guidelines specified."

"Charges should not be pressed at all," Shinji growled, his teeth clenched hard, _I certainly won't testify in court_. " _It wasn't her fault._ "

Kozo barked out, "At ease, Lead Pilot." It was Shinji's turn to look down, his dark mood plain to see. After waiting for a span of heartbeats, the man's demeanor gentled again, "A passionate defense of your coworkers is commendable, but you must keep in mind that as someone in a leadership position your bearing is always on display. Even among your peers."

"Especially among your peers," Misato added, her tone walking between maternal and commanding. "We want to view you as an equal, Shinji. We brought you in today to show you that, please trust that we aren't interested in walking over you either."

The Song of Thunder pounded in his blood, his thoughts all focused around how little of his life he had actual any control over. _If it's not the people above me. It's the people in my head. It's the people I love. This life or the last, I'm still not in control of my own life!_

 _I don't want to control you,_ Dark appeared before him on the table, purposefully seated facing him so that his line of sight didn't need to shift to look at her. _Please, Shinji. I don't. I can feel you drifting away from us, from my allies. Let me help you here. Let me prove that I'm serious. If you want control back over your life, ask_ calmly _for the poor woman over there to return your greeting. It's small, and it will get them used to listening to your reasonable requests._

He could feel the mid-day lightning storm raging overhead, _I'm angry._

 _You are. I know you are. I am too, and I'm not the one standing there with the people from his own team trying to tell him how to feel. Please, Shinji. We can do this. If you want, I'll have a_ \- there was a burst of incomprehensible static - _delivered to you. It will tie us together. I'll tell you more about it later, just listen to me now. See that I'm serious. I know we lost a lot of ground, and I'll need to give up a great deal to earn it back, but we can do this!_

"I am sorry, General. I should have minded my tone." Looking over to Ritsuko, he fought for control of his anger, "Ritsuko, could you please at least return my greeting? I know that _trust_ between everyone here might be slender after the past month, but I would like to take this chance to see what we can do to work together again." _It is a nice sentiment, Dark. I hope you don't mind me borrowing it here._

Kozo gestured to Shinji, "Feel free, Doctor. The young man doesn't understand that you were following orders to remain silent."

Ritsuko turned to face him, her profile slightly obscured by Dark until the phantom slid down the table to free his line of sight. The woman's visage changed dramatically as her eyes landed on his, becoming pained, "Good afternoon, Shinji." A slight hesitation, and she looked down, "I want you to know…that while I appreciate your forgiveness, I wish I could remember what happened so that I felt like I knew what I was apologizing for. I am sorry that I failed, and I hope that we can work together well."

"I know we can, Ritsuko." Shinji offered her his smile, tainted by anger as it was, "We were working together just fine before things turned sideways, and there's no reason for me to think that we can't now." He gently caressed Maya's back, "I've had a lot change in the time you've been away, my hope is that we will all eventually have time to talk about it as friends and not just as coworkers."

"Congratulations," she smiled wanly in return. "I have pieced together that you are challenging social norms, good luck."

"He will not need luck, Doctor," Kozo reasserted himself. "The bill has been passed, with a little arm twisting here and there. It is now perfectly legal for Shinji, and any other pilot involved in combat against an Angel, to enter into a co-equal relationship. So long as, from what I understand to be the only limitation, any applicants receive the approval of a member of the peerage. Or, in Shinji's case, another member."

"It is neither limited to number, nor the gender of the applicants," Philip patted a thick, parchment-filled, leather bound folder. "The copy for you to keep has a few letters from various people. As well as an official approval for both Hikari Horaki and Maya Ibuki, signed by the Imperial Princess herself."

"That was…fast," the good news, such as it was, failed to significantly dent Shinji's ill humor. He tried, with limited success, to push away his scowl, "I…appreciate the effort. But I doubt that's what we're here to discuss." _Why does it feel like they're still trying to control what I'm doing? Misato's song is frustrated, Ritsuko is curious and annoyed, General Benoit and the Commander are both calculating…something. Everyone thinks they know what's best, and everyone is trying to push me in competing directions._

 _Shinji,_ Maya's voice sounded in the back of his mind, _I need to sit down. Your voice is overwhelming me. Please…sit down beside me so that it seems like I'm pulling you into a chair._ "You're right, Shinji." Maya smiled at him as she wobbled in his grasp, allowing him to guide her to their chairs, "We're eating into your study time. It's been rough on you, and none of us are in a great place right now. So, let's all try to begin again, ok?"

Shinji covered over his shock by pulling Maya's seat out for her. _You can hear me?_ He caught Maya's subtle nod, and swallowed more of his fury. _I'm sorry. I…I don't mean to include you and Hikari in my rant. It's just…._ Unable to find the rest of the words he wanted to say, he instead chose to remain silent and sit down beside the second woman to win his heart.

"An excellent suggestion, Major," Kozo inclined his head, pulling his own seat back under his legs. "We will begin as we intend to proceed. Sub-Commander, the lights please?" He waited for Misato to dim the room before flicking on the main viewing screen behind him, displaying a picture of Shinji when he arrived, and another of him at the recent interview, "During your time here in our care, Shinji-kun, you have been exposed to a great many less-than-wonderful situations. The L-Nine chief among them. Our understanding of the changes it has brought about was…slowed down, following the Fifth Angel."

 _That's a drastic understatement,_ Dark snorted. _They haven't even come close to understanding what they have trapped below you, let alone what she did to you. That they still think it's the lifeblood that transformed you is proof enough of that._ Now perched on his shoulder, she sighed, _Still, I wouldn't recommend correcting their misconceptions. Not unless you feel like having that bitch reset the timeline._

 _It won't be easy,_ Maya responded tersely, rubbing her temple. _Ritsuko Akagi is not an idiot._

"What we are hoping to do," Misato picked up with the next slide, a series of bullet points taking guesses as to his capabilities, "is come to a better understanding of those changes. Every time you get significantly injured, you heal faster than anyone could reasonably call 'normal'. Your physical growth, your penchant for singing and how it makes everyone around you feel like they can take on the world, we'd like to be able to quantify them well enough to say that they aren't leading to you being harmed." She smiled across the table at him, hope hanging in her song, "We're not looking to exploit it, Shinji. We want to stop it from taking over your life, if we can. What's 'good' today, could be 'terrifying' tomorrow. I'd rather have you around long term, and not only because you're the best pilot I have."

"Which is why we asked you to come here and speak your mind," Kozo shifted to the third slide, a regimented schedule detailing how his time would need to be spent. "You know best how you're doing in school, how much time you can afford to take away from your lessons. Here you see your two options," leaning forward, he rolled his hand, "and they are _options_. I will not order you to choose one or the other, we will make everyone else's schedule work for yours."

 _If I take any more time off of class, I may as well quit school._ Shinji grimaced, _But if I choose the after school plan…Nozomi-chan may never see me._ Reaching up as if he was scratching his neck, he gripped Dark's legs, _Is there a way I can describe what I can do without giving away the truth? Do you have any ideas?_

 _I'm working on it, Shinji._ Maya's thoughts caressed his mind, "To be honest, I think it would be better if you took the after-school plan. Your education is too important to leave to chance, even with help from myself and Hikari-chan."

"If I may," Ritsuko coughed, "I'd say that his education is a far lesser concern than socialization." She hesitated, looking to both commanding officers before continuing when they didn't object to her speaking, "Shinji, when was the Kyōtoku incident?"

The date came unbidden to his mind, "Fourteen Fifty-Four to Fourteen Eighty-Two."

"The atomic weight of phosphorus rounded to the thousands?"

"Thirty point nine seven three." _I never learned that in chemistry…certainly not enough to memorize it._

"Combien pèse Maya?"

He hesitated, knowing the answer to the question but not wanting to tell the room exactly how much Maya weighed, "Pas autant qu'elle le pense."

She pointed below the table, "What's held in the chamber down on sub-level seven?"

He responded as both Kozo and Maya tensed, "I…don't know?" _Maya? Is it that bad?_

"There is a great deal that we can infer just from how he's acted, Commander," Ritsuko looked back to the old professor. "One of those changes he's undergone is that he gains skills and functional knowledge simply by being around people _with_ that knowledge. The limit makes sense, as the last question wasn't skill based. It was, at best, trivia."

 _Please don't ask, Shinji. I don't want to have to lie._ Maya kept her hand atop of his, trying to maintain the balance between her promise to him and her duty to their employer, "It is not _trivial_ however. It's a good idea for us to recognize that Shinji can't read minds. That means we don't have to worry about non-standard security measures to keep confidential information…confidential."

Dark slipped off his shoulder, vanishing through the floor at his feet. It didn't take Shinji a great deal of thinking to determine that the specter was going in search of the particulars. In a way, it heartened Shinji to see her doing something that might actually gain him some answers as to what it was that he was facing. Even if it meant him learning something that his Commander didn't want him knowing.

"Considering _I_ don't know what's on sub-level seven, I'm guessing that bit of 'trivia' would be rather damning if it got out," Misato leaned forward on her elbows, her arms crossed loosely. "Let's focus, then, on what you're actually saying, Rits. You feel his time spent around others in his age group is important for his overall development, and would prefer that we can keep him in that environment and still gain useful data?"

"More or less," the half-blonde shrugged. "I believe that both he and his fiancée, his other fiancée I mean, would be better served in an intensive training program tailored for their strengths." Gesturing to Maya, she looked to Kozo, "Major Ibuki should agree with me that Hikari Horaki has a bright future ahead of her in both computer science and general leadership. If we're serious about saving the world, we could do worse than recruiting her into the Science Division now and putting her to work as an intern under someone." Her hand shifted to Shinji, "His talents were already noticeable, even before the accident. Afterwards? His capabilities put the Second Child to shame. We should be helping them socialize above their peer group, not leaving them to muddle through the vagaries of a poorly monitored petri dish."

"Careful, Doctor," Kozo cautioned firmly. "We shouldn't speak _so casually_ of his classmates."

"I already figured out that they're all potential pilots," Shinji murmured, memories of Toji's broken body assailing his mind. "Why else would father insist that two out of the three pilots go to school?" _In this timeline._ "He certainly wasn't interested in my 'socialization', and Rei was little more than a weapons component to him." _At least I can get that out in the open. One less secret I have to pretend to hide._

"He's not an idiot, Commander," Ritsuko sat back smugly. "Treating him like one is asking for us to miss out on not only important information that could help everyone, but is also setting up security risks we don't even know we have. He's cautious enough to not 'casually' mention what he knows to his classmates, but he may not always know what is and is not classified."

 _I don't want to worry you, Shinji, but Unit-03 will be arriving at some point in the near future. We'll be cautious, but we can't stop it without causing even bigger problems._ "I have to agree, sir." Maya inclined her head slightly to Ritsuko, attempting to show that she too was not holding grudges, "We obviously can't tell him everything, he and I have had that discussion already. He trusts me when I say that I will tell him what I can, when I can, but we need to consider that he may already have figured out a great deal of truth simply by exposure and contemplation. He's very curious about the world around him."

"A fact that no doubt drew you to him in the first place," Philip grinned, eager to keep the atmosphere from becoming combative. "It was something that my wife possessed as well, a natural desire to understand her place in the world."

"Too much like your mother," Kozo sighed. "Yes, Shinji. The others in your school, all around your age, are considered potential pilots. Very few of them would be able to successfully synchronize with any of the Evas we have, and even fewer of those would manage to do more than get tossed around like a cheap rag doll by an Angel."

 _I've gone this far. I can go further._ "It's hard to synchronize with someone else's mother." Shinji flipped his hand so that he held Maya's directly, "It certainly wasn't easy to do with Asuka's mother. I felt like I was…intruding." _I should go back into Unit-02. Talk to her. I don't know why my own mother won't talk to me, but Soryu-san was eager to speak to someone. Anyone._

Kozo's tone became very dangerous, "Major?"

"It was my father, sir." Shinji's eyes met his Commanders, righteous fury meeting hardened steel, "Major Ibuki has, and will continue to, maintain proper operational security. _He_ wanted me to be cautious on my trip to the Pacific Fleet. _He_ needed me to trust him." _He didn't know these things alone._

"For someone who had difficulties," Ritsuko stated quickly, "you certainly managed something incredible. Unit Two should have sunk like a rock. It's not buoyant, it wasn't even proven capable of operating at the capacity you managed when Pilot Soryu was in the plug."

"Slow, deep breaths," he looked over to the woman who'd taught him how to float, repeating what she'd told him to do. "Keep relaxed, panicking means sinking because I flex my muscles instead of letting them stay loose." He shrugged, "Your lesson in the pool was the difference in me figuring out how to swim in Unit Two rather than sinking to the bottom of the ocean."

As Misato and General Benoit began discussing adding survival lessons onto his testing requirements, Dark landed on his back. With her arms around his neck and her chin on his shoulder, she seemed much akin to the cat who discovered the cream had spilled, _She's down there, on this 'sub-level' they're speaking of. The one you insist on referring to as 'Nyx'. Her corporeal form is nailed to a couple of beams, stuck through the middle with the deactivation key. Which means that our enemies are attempting in vain to reach someone that would murder them the instant they touched her. I knew she was here, but I never realized that your allies had her physically trapped! It just never really came up to go looking around this ship._

 _Ship?_ Maya's question overlapped with Shinji's question of, _Trapped?_

 _I need to cut this short,_ Shinji had the chance to get answers, and he couldn't do it sitting in a room with four people who knew nothing of what he'd been through, or what he was trying to prevent. "I would like to take this home and ask Hikari what she thinks." He winced internally at interrupting the discussion, but he couldn't wait longer for an opening, "Unless you are going to order me to do one or the other, sir, I should include the woman I made a promise to in any decision I make."

"No, no," Kozo waved with a smile. "I approve of you seeking to include her in your life as much as possible, Shinji-kun. Again, our hope is that you will learn as much as we do, so that we can keep you alive and well." Gesturing to the binder, he smiled kindly, "Go ahead and take that with you. Major," he looked to Maya, "you may be dismissed for the day. It is only fair that you also are included in his discussions. Both of you, congratulations. I hope you find happiness with each other, and look forward to your wedding."

"Thank you." Standing, he offered his arm to Maya, looking over to Misato, "Thank you, as well. I kept up my end of the bargain, and will try to do more in the future…once I'm not as angry with her."

"Bargain?" Philip looked between the two, "Are we all brokering deals now?"

"Colonel Katsuragi brought Shinji-kun's petition for Doctor Akagi's freedom to me, General." Kozo stood, "His end of the deal is still a mystery to me as well, as the good Colonel refuses to be free with such information."

Moving back while supporting a wobbly Maya, Shinji caught sight of Ritsuko's eyes widening with the realization that he had truthfully pushed hard for her release. His anger mostly throttled, he managed to give her that hope-filled grin which first drew her towards trying to improve his life. _I need to fix this._ "Let's go, Maya. If we're quick, we can have time to catch up on what I missed in class before Hikari comes home."

+++++ 9th Angel + 2: Monday (60)

"He…he wasn't just being polite earlier," Ritsuko sat alone with Misato in the briefing room, the two 'Commanders' having left to go have a discussion with Gendo Ikari. "He actually fought to have me released? The same…man, who I supposedly did something terrible to? The son of the poster child for holding an eternal grudge?"

"I wouldn't hesitate over the word 'man'," Misato sat with her feet up on the table. "He's got some spots where he's still very immature, yes, but he'll fight to the death for someone who's been wronged. For someone who's been threatened. For someone he loves." With her fingers laced behind her head, she looked cross-wise at the woman beside her, "He fought for me, remember? He's no child, and if you're around Hikari-chan I'd make doubly sure you don't call him one."

"Misato, what did I do?" Turning her chair, she leaned forward, desperate to finally have the mystery behind her, "I haven't been given access to the footage, nobody will talk to me. Kozo says that when Shinji's interested he'll tell me what happened. But I can't just go blundering up to him and ask him to spell it out. With everyone acting the way they are, it's either I somehow murdered his childhood, despite that 'honor' going to his father, or I tried to ritually sacrifice one of the Horaki girls."

The violet-haired warrior looked away, down past her feet. Tapping her toe to her favorite song, she contemplated which would be better. _I could tell her. Spare Shinji the indignity. I could force her to face what she did. But she isn't lying when she tells me she has no idea. She's always sucked at lying to me._ "What's in sub-level seven?"

With a shrug, Ritsuko replied with a half-truth, "The basis for the Evangelions. It's mostly a graveyard of failed test platforms, of little interest to anyone except those who'd wish to attempt to become a god on Earth. We wouldn't have told Shinji, the 'need-to-know' threshold for a pilot can't have changed that dramatically over a month. If he knew that, either Maya was telling him things she shouldn't have, or he was able to read minds. He didn't know, which gave us evidence towards neither of those being true."

Misato frowned, "So it's like that aircraft boneyard in America, back near where they're developing Unit Three?"

"Unit Three is being produced in Nevada," Ritsuko sighed. "Arizona, where you are talking about, is a state that borders Nevada on the southeast, but the two sites are much further apart than you're thinking they are. So, I answered your question. Are you going to answer mine?"

Letting her head fall to the side, she glared at Ritsuko, "Look me in the eye, swear to me that you don't remember."

"I don't remember anything, Misato. I went into my lab with Ayanami to prepare for her monthly treatments, the next thing I remember I am handcuffed and naked on the floor of a detention cell with a massive amount of time vanished from my mind!" She returned Misato's glare with a scowl of her own, "I am not pretending, Misato. You damn well know me better than that, if I couldn't tell you the truth, I'd just tell you that I can't tell you the truth. I'm a bitch, but I'm an honest bitch."

Chocolate eyes held emerald green, one old friend judging how much she could trust the other. She wanted to, she wanted to have someone to talk to about the terrible things she was worried were happening right under their noses. "If you burn me, I will put a fucking bullet in your head. Do you understand me? I tell you what happened, and you make his life harder, I will end you." Spinning around so that she faced the doctor, she stood, "We were friends, and I'd like to think that maybe there is good in you…."

"Misato, I want to help." Standing, Ritsuko's fatigue became obvious as she staggered slightly, "I want to try and be a part of solutions around here, instead of enabling problems. Whatever Fuyutsuki is doing, he's not pursuing the same plans as Ikari was." Spreading her hands, she laughed, "I'm here, aren't I? I could have told him to go piss up a rope. I could have sat down in my cell and been petty and vindictive. I didn't. I'm here by choice, and I want to do whatever I can to make Shinji's life easier."

"Attempted rape." The words by themselves were enough to boil her blood, "You took him into the private car on the train, and you…were found with him nearly inside of you." Swallowing, more in an effort to stop from screaming invectives reflexively into her one-time friend's face, she felt her neck twitch with the anger she was repressing, "That's what you did, Rits. You attempted to murder Ayanami-chan. He stopped you. You then attempted to rape him."

Her jaw hung open, "He…stopped me?"

She nodded curtly, "Ripped a door open, one of the secured doors down on the wards. The big ones that don't open when you crash a tank into them? It was the first concrete indication we had that he was truly changed. He forced his way into a secure area to stop you from hurting Ayanami-chan."

"No, not that," Ritsuko frowned, "I…I meant he stopped me from…with him, right?"

Misato snorted, "He refused to harm you. The report I received…he and I haven't talked about it. He blew up at a friend of his," grimacing, she shook her head. "Damn it, Rits…. Hikari-chan's father died the night before this happened. He refused to accept that what you did hurt him. He nearly walked out of the best fucking thing that has ever been gifted to him because he felt his problems were a distraction. You had him at full mast. He laid there and let it happen. So, no. No, he did not stop you."

Ritsuko looked at her, blankly, for several seconds before sitting back down as her legs gave out. "I…I don't remember."

"He does." It wasn't what Shinji would want her to do, but her son was far too nice to twist the knife. "I doubt it's very far from his mind, when he looks at you." Crossing her arms, she took some small satisfaction from watching the confusion and horror dancing around the other woman's features, "You really don't remember."

"I remember…thinking he was cute." She looked up to Misato, haunted, "I remember thinking that it would be fun, the night we walked in on Hikari and him being cute together. He kept complimenting me, saying just the right things to make me feel like I wasn't…." She waved her hand along her torso, "This. I flirted with him, a little. Nothing serious. Just enough to…I…I don't know, thank him? I thought it would be fun to have a man that was honest, gentle… _kind_."

"That was before he changed," Misato frowned.

She snapped out a hot retort, "Don't judge me, you were babbling in your beer about him doing things to you while you drooled on the table, you lush. He wasn't the most physically appealing man around, not before, but he certainly had a kind of charm, plenty of intelligence, and vulnerability that made up for it. Would I have acted on it? Of course not. It wouldn't have been professional! I _hope_ you were just joking in the cafeteria when you teased him."

Having her own failing tossed back at her cut the air from Misato's sails. _I would have. …In another life, maybe it could have worked._ Her tone became somber, "Don't lie to me, Rits. If he flirted back…you would have. We both would have."

+++++ 9th Angel + 2: Monday (60)

Holding Maya calmly, Shinji sat on his couch and spoke aloud to reduce the problems she was experiencing, "So she's _physically_ larger than my Eva?" He shook his head, "She looked…smaller when I saw her."

"I didn't know that it was her, Shinji," Maya curled tighter against him. "I swear. I know that she's the basis for at least one of the Evas, and that's it. She's called 'Sample Two', there's nothing about 'Lilith' or 'Nyx' or anything that would mark her as anything but a giant half-formed Eva clone!"

 _She's the basis for_ your _abomination, Shinji._ Dark kept her voice low, stroking Maya's back apologetically. _It's how she tracked you throughout all of the multiverse. How she found the one out of…countless copies of you that would do what she wanted. Even she, apparently, didn't foresee everything though. None of us can._

"I understand," he sighed, "but I can't go against her without her resetting everything. Sure, it would stop her, but it wouldn't stop her forever. There's no 'victory' there. It's just an endless cycle of pain for everyone."

 _I don't believe she'll willingly give up her goals, Shinji. You might have to kill her._ Dark looked away for a second, a low static playing over her words. A second later she stood, _I need to go…order some people to do what I want. I'll have your ally contact you, if I need you to sing. Maya, once it takes hold…just remember to stay around him, ok? He can protect you, he_ will _protect you. We both know how much good is inside of him._

Once the shade winked from existence, Shinji shifted his bulk so that he was laying down on the couch with Maya atop him. "I don't blame you Maya. Not for keeping things secret, or for today. They didn't tell you they were doing this today, I know they didn't. I'm just…frustrated, I guess."

"Which makes sense," she squirmed until she lay with her head snugly against his neck. "Considering everyone's been trying their hardest for you, and you know they have. That you can't control life is a common complaint, believe me I've made it often enough myself." She giggled, "I wanted to reach into your mind and take away the memory of me stumbling into you, then panicking, then running away that one day."

He smiled at the memory, "Why? To be honest with you, I thought it was absolutely adorable. I…uhm…kind of had a dream about that, except you didn't run away and I…well, Hikari and I already did what I dreamt of doing with you…so…." He blushed hard, "You…uhm…I l-love you. I love you, and I love _loving_ you. It's…different, and I don't want to seem like I'm comparing you and Hikari."

"I don't look anything like her, Shinji," Maya kissed his jaw. "It's natural to compare two things, if you like what we do, that's all that matters. Because I _love_ what we do."

 _Looking alike._ Shinji frowned, the fact that Rei and Nyx looked incredibly alike suddenly taking firmer root in his mind, "Maya…what relation does Rei have to Nyx?"

 _She's my daughter, after a fashion._ Nyx' voice sighed into their mind, _A bit of me, a bit of the woman who birthed you. It's all a mess, really._ He felt his head begin to ache as time slowed down to a crawl. The powerful progenitor of his current life lightly trailed her finger along the ridge of his nose, _Now…I know that you and I have had something of a truce. I know that you are not the kind of man to go back on his word. But I have to admit I'm a little worried that you're spending so much time around…them._ _You know what…with your little Mouse tethered to your soul, why don't we all take a little trip._

With a sound similar to someone snapping their fingers, he suddenly laid upon a reclined divan. Maya popped upright, from her position on his chest, and looked around at the bleak, empty, void surrounding them. "It's ok," he took her arm, holding her tightly, "we're just in my…mind? I guess?"

"An astute observation, Lover," Nyx sauntered into view, stretching languidly. "It's so much easier to speak here, and I don't need to fret about hurting your little Mouse." Still as nude as she had been when they spoke in the Tower, the Angel of Darkness climbed up onto the divan with them and smiled happily as she ran her finger along Maya's neck, "Mmm, he does have interesting taste."

"Nyx," reaching over, Shinji took her hand from Maya, "in my culture we introduce ourselves before we start touching." Hope that humor would help ease the shock, and also cover for the fact that he might be seen as making a demand, paid dividends as laughter filled the area around them.

"You are absolutely correct," shifting to her knees as she pulled her hand free from his grip, she bowed gracefully before Maya. "I am called Nyx, little Mouse. It is neither my true name, nor inaccurate, and it will do as well as any other when you address me. It is a pleasure to meet you, such as it is."

Shinji's more recent fiancée was nearly entranced with the power radiating from Nyx, "Maya…Maya Ibuki."

"She has such a…charming outlook on life," Nyx once more reached out and ran a finger lightly over Maya's forehead. "Faced with a presence that she can't comprehend, her mind rejecting the reality before her, and she still tries to categorize and label that which she doesn't have a basis of comparison for." Leaning forward, she pressed her lips gently against the major's.

His body went taut, ready to act to defend Maya as best he could. Overreacting was the real threat, as offending Nyx could likely turn a potentially unwanted kiss into a fatal experience, and so he remained alert as he spoke, "You say that Rei-chan is your daughter…and my mother's?" _It makes some sense. She has red eyes, blue hair, it isn't common at all. If she's part Angel, like me, then I really should have figured it out earlier. But where does mom come in?_

"I've always liked this one," Nyx ignored his question, slipping around behind Maya and pulling the smaller woman into her lap. "You can keep her. Maybe even forever, if you'd like." Slow caresses moved along her captive's flesh, "I told you, Lover, you need to earn more information from me. Otherwise, what really is our partnership? Me teaching you everything, and you not giving me anything in return. Tsk, tsk, tsk," she clicked her tongue, "that won't do at all."

Maya fought off the fugue, though she couldn't quite free herself from the clutches of the fallen Angel, "What, uh, what do you want from him?"

"Hmmm," pinching two points that had begun to protrude slightly more from Maya than others, Nyx winked at Shinji as her victim gasped then whispered something into the young woman's ear that he couldn't quite make out.

His fiancée's blush, however, told him more than enough of what had been requested. "Nyx, you said such things would come _after_ …my time with them was over." _I don't have to like it. If it keeps everyone alive until they die naturally, I'll do it. But I_ don't _have to like it._

"Oh, but I was thinking of changing things a little. You see," sliding both hands down between Maya's legs, she pouted, "I realized that I wasn't being very fair. Here you have, after _so long_ , two women that just make you so very happy. Why, asking you to let them go would be criminal! Besides," her tone hardened, "it's what _they're_ offering, isn't it?"

"They haven't made me any specific offers," he cautioned. "Dark wants to talk to me, she wants me to hear her out. If you know me so well, you know that I don't like fighting. If I can find a way to bring peace, I'm interested in hearing them out."

"You want peace?" Nyx looked at him as if he was daft, "Lover, they have been hounding our kind for longer than your world has existed. They have been chasing us across the galaxy, murdering our children by the trillions, and you honestly believe that because one little unimportant ship's captain has taken a liking to you, that there is a possibility of _peace_? You have that…thing, inside of you, have you even asked it a tenth of the questions you have for me?"

"The embryo?" Shinji shook his head, "He doesn't remember anything. He remembers…something about being part of something bigger, and failure. That's all. You can't lie in the place we talk, and he was very specific about not remembering."

"He doesn't _remember_?" Nyx snorted out a laugh, then another, then hugged Maya tightly to her and began howling with laughter, "That's fantastic! It's perfect! There could be no greater punishment for him than that!" Lunging forward, she pressed her captive between Shinji and herself, hugging them both tightly, "Oh, Lover, you've given me a gift I never knew I wanted. In return, I'll give you one." Sitting back, she massaged Maya's backside firmly, grinding the still-blushing woman's hips against Shinji's, "Rei Ayanami doesn't exist. She's a fake. A creation. She's neither as old as you believe she is, nor as 'irreplaceable' as you say she is. Your little Mouse has been extremely kind to her, so don't blame her for not telling you that she's an imperfect clone…of me, and your mother."

 _A clone. That explains why nobody knows about her parents. And why father was listed as her guardian. He made…he made a pilot!_ Hearing Maya's gasps and moans worked its magic on Shinji, and he felt his body responding in kind, "You said that. That she's your daughter…but what about my mother?"

"She's her daughter too," Nyx pressed down harder. "Which means, in a roundabout sort of way, you two are related. Though not anywhere near as closely as you might imply from what I've said. Since you are no longer human, and she was never human to begin with, you're scarcely biologically related at all." Her smile faded, "And each clone of her in that tank they keep her in? Nothing but hollow shells. Devoid of life, opportunity…purpose."

"They…clones?" The stimulus provided by Nyx faded as he began to replay every time that Rei mentioned she could have been replaced easily. The times that he'd watched her be treated horribly, forced to fight when injured, and her fury with his father, "Who?" Anger once more swelled into being, "Who did this to her?"

"Careful," Nyx pushed Maya aside and climbed astride his hips, "you start up with Ramiel again and our conversation is over. I can't connect with you when your soul is singing, Lover, you know that." Kissing him greedily, she made an effort at replacing anger with lust, "Don't focus on what's past…focus on what may yet be. The three of us, here in your mind? We could make love for eons, and only a handful of hours might pass on Earth. Wouldn't that be more pleasurable than wallowing in misery?"

"You want me to…Rei is out there thinking that nobody but me cares. She believes she can be replaced," the anger continued to grow, as he was clearly disinterested in any passion that didn't include wrath, "that there is nothing for her but fighting and _death_. And even then, she won't see relief. Another copy of her would just…what? Be fished out? They keep her in a tank like some sort of…pet?"

"They keep me pinned to some self-deluded iconography with a lance that causes nothing but unceasing agony," she retorted hotly. "I have spent billions of years spreading life across what was a barren, lifeless, world. I created _everything_." Jabbing him in the chest with her finger, she cut into his fury with her own, "Billions of this world's years passed as I carefully crafted the world to be fit for _our_ children. For you to have a place to exist so that we might save them! This waif, this 'Zero', hasn't suffered as much as you or she believes she has. Your precious 'Dark' has deluded her into believing lies, and the fragment of my very being she possesses? I will have it back."

"They…they carved out a piece of your soul," Maya gasped as she pieced things together, recovering from the seduction while kneeling on the floor beside the divan. "When they fused Yui Ikari's DNA with yours, they-"

"Ripped out a fragment of my soul to give her life," Nyx growled. Her eyes remained on Shinji's, "You offered me equality. You said neither of us had to 'come out on top'. Neither of us is complete, _Lover_ , and I have been helping you fix that. You want peace? Convince Rei Ayanami to rejoin with me. With my soul reunified, we can have _peace_."

"You want me to kill her…to save you?" His eyebrows knit as he shook his head slowly, "Y-you can't a-ask me that. Sh-she's alive!" The stress of fighting for calm, of pushing for the Song of Thunder to remain silent, tore at his ability to restrain his stammer, "She h-has h-hopes…d-dreams…."

"So do I," Nyx' voice was dangerously quiet. "They were stolen from me long before _she_ was cut from my soul."

"Does she have to die?" Maya latched onto Shinji from behind, resting her chin on his shoulder and holding him tightly to try and help him retain what little calm he had left, "Isn't there a way to return your soul without killing her?"

"That depends on what you consider death," Nyx eyed the major appraisingly. "She would lose her humanity. Become more fully what you call an 'Angel'. There are ways for me to remove what belongs to me without taking her life, but there is no way to do so without changing what that life is."

 _This is what my life, my joy, has cost us._ Suddenly, a vast calmness swept through Shinji. _Every time I believe that I have managed to create happiness, I discover that I was building on a foundation of sand._ The plinking sound of metal chains breaking reverberated through his head, "Nothing will be done until the Angels are dead." Standing up from the divan, he carried Maya with him as he walked away from Nyx into an onrushing wall of water, "We are done, for now."

The vast tidal wave that flooded his mind swept everything but himself and Maya away. The ancient Song of Water carefully carved a space for the pair as it purged that which was not them. As he approached the boundary of the void within his mind, he saw the looming form of the enormous Spirit of Sachiel, looking down on him with a sense of victorious pride. Another barrier fell within him as he made a solemn vow.

 _I cannot live my life afraid of what others might do. I_ will _not. If she wants to reset the timeline, there is likely nothing I can do to stop her. But that does_ not _mean I am a slave to her will. I am in control of my own life. I choose my direction._ He ripped himself and Maya free from Nyx' influence, returning them to the physical realm and the pain that awaited them there. Resting his head back against the couch cushion as his body was wracked with electric agony, he stroked Maya's hair as she groaned, his jaw clenched, "I am not a slave."

+++++ 9th Angel + 2: Monday (60)

Kozo frowned, shivering slightly, "Why do I feel like someone just walked over my grave?" He turned to consider Philip, "That's what you would say, yes? When you get a spike of cold down your spine and a burst of anxiety?"

"It is one of many superstitions regarding the human body giving odd sensations, yes," the General remained engrossed with the reports he was reading while taking dinner with his counterpart. "It is possible that our young Paladin has told his fiancée what you are asking him to do, and she cursed your name."

"So long as I am still invited to the party after their wedding," the old professor laughed. "I am fulfilling two promises with one act, there. I told Yui-san that I would try my hardest to help make a world where Shinji would know joy, and I told Toshiro-san that I would do what I could to help Hikari reach her potential. A marriage to Hikari can't do anything but bring joy to him, and a marriage to Shinji will provide all of the resources she needs to do what she wants to do."

"With Major Ibuki there to shepherd them both, when we are tried and convicted for crimes against humanity," the Frenchman snorted. "The UNIGC has received a 'friendly notice' that the UNHIC intends to demand an investigation into our handling of an 'unspecified human test subject'."

"Lorenz is becoming desperate," Kozo smirked. "Losing the American branches to defection cut his base significantly. He has to know that anything they ask about Rei Ayanami or her records is going to result in a lot of shrugging and repeated uses of the phrase, 'Lost in the Post-Impact madness'. Her existence is a matter of record, her status as the pilot of Unit-00 is well-documented, and I have ample video evidence of Shinji-kun stating that he couldn't have won without her and Soryu-chan."

"She'll testify," Philip sat back, chewing on his fork. "I'd like to put her on record as a willing, eager, pilot. Her dedication to Shinji, as well as her desire to study medicine, will go far with the more soft-hearted members of my peers. The legal issues aren't in doubt, as only the most obstinate members will feel Keel has any standing to pursue the matter."

"We'll give her a life, Philip," the Commander of NERV's Tokyo branch stated firmly. "She's a victim, just as much as Shinji-kun is, just as much as Soryu-chan is. If I do nothing else from the Throne of God, I will give them a damn life."


	74. Chapter 74

+++++ 9th Angel + 3: Tuesday (61)

Standing in the hall outside of his classroom, Shinji spoke quietly into his phone, "You want to prove to me that you're serious about making this work, Kodama? Then you take care of Nozomi after school. You apologize to her for scaring her, you act like her _big sister_ and not her _mother_ , and when Hikari, Maya, and I are done at NERV, we will come pick her up." His tone remained steady, "I told her this morning that you were going to help us, and that she needed to give you a chance to apologize."

Kodama's song spoke of discontent, "Am I just a babysitter now? I wait a week to hear from you, and the first thing you do when you call me is order me around? I mean, yes, I want to see my baby sister, but I also want to talk to you about-"

"You are her sister, Kodama," he cut into her rant ruthlessly. "Prove to me that you're serious, then we'll talk. I am trusting you with Nozomi-chan. I can't honestly think of anyone more precious to me than her, so that should tell you more than enough about how serious _I_ am. Now, will you do it, or do I have to find another solution?"

Her eventual response was grudging, "…You're paying for the pizza."

 _Take the win._ "Gladly. Order it from _Emilia's_ , they are very reliable. If you want to add on dessert as well, I'll also pay for that, just make certain that she does her homework. She might need some help with History, she loses focus whenever the topic of important dates comes up."

"Yes, Shinji, I know. It's almost like I've spent years helping her," Kodama's eyeroll was audible over the phoneline. The more mercurial Horaki's tone swiftly returned to tentative, "I'll…see you tonight. I love you."

The call disconnected before he could say anything, causing him to consider more fully what he would have responded with. _I love you too, Kodama. I just don't think you understand yet exactly how big of a hole you dug yourself._ Pocketing the device, he smiled and waved to a flock of young women, including Shinobu, that walked past him towards their classroom, "Good morning, ladies. Please be careful today, there were reports of a peeper around the locker room windows. I've asked a few of my security staff to be on the lookout, but I wanted to make sure you knew."

Shinobu floated over and hugged him, "Thank you, Shinji. I always feel safer knowing you're here looking out for us."

Picking her up off the ground into a strong hug in return, he responded with a warm laugh, "Anything for those I care about, Shinobu." Setting her back on her feet, he tilted his head towards his own classroom, "I need to go. I'll see you at lunch." Waiting for the bluenette to return to the pack, many of which swiftly whispered astonished questions to her about their 'relationship', Shinji shook his head as he walked into the room. _Rumors and innuendo. I guess High School isn't that much different than Junior High._

Sitting at her desk, Hikari was speaking quietly to Rei, "…isn't a problem. We knew in advance that she would be let out, and we do not blame her for…outside interference."

"I'm still going to be cautious," he sat down on the edge of his desk. "We know that she didn't do what she did willingly, but we also _don't_ know that things have changed for the better completely. I expect you to tell me if she shows any signs of interference, as Hikari puts it. Your safety is non-negotiable," he tapped his desk, "and I won't hear any more about you being 'replaceable', understand?"

Rei looked down to her feet, blushing slightly, "I understand, Lead Pilot. I will comply with your orders."

 _Take the win…again,_ "Did you ask her?" He looked back to his fiancée, "Do we have a plan?"

"Sleepover, this weekend." Hikari did a little victory dance, "I finally get to have a slumber party."

"I do not quite understand exactly how my sleeping at your house will assist us in discussing the unique circumstances we face." Rei's shoulders raised slightly in a shrug, "Though I admit my curiosity outweighs my skepticism."

 _Slowly breaking out of her shell,_ Shinji smiled. _I will_ never _accept her death as the cost of my life._ "It will be a mix of business and pleasure. Popcorn, ice cream, movies, and conversation. Arranging things so that we can speak without…caution, is ultimately my goal. We both have things we need to share, and I want to spend some time with you that doesn't involve giant robots and monstrous aliens." Spying more students approaching, he shifted to his seat, "Now, let's focus on class."

+++++ 9th Angel + 3: Tuesday (61)

"Oh, hey!" Asuka half-jogged over and jumped up into a hug with Shinji, "Whatcha doing here?" The corridor leading to the track shared the same general footpath as the junction between the library and the cafeteria on that floor of NERV, allowing the unanticipated meeting between former roommates, "Not that I'm upset to see you, or anything."

Smiling gently, Shinji slowly lowered her to the floor, "They're finally getting around to 'performing science' on me. Getting a baseline for what I can do, trying to predict my growth, a lot of other stuff that I'm sure I won't enjoy." He allowed her to keep his hands, as she hesitated in letting them go, "Were you headed off to the library? Still working on your thesis?"

"I can do that later," spinning gracefully, she took her place on his arm. "If they're going to be playing Doktor Frankenstein, I want to be there to bash heads in when they mess up and shock you with ten million volts." Forcing him to keep his pace slow, she looked up at him with a hint of concern, "Where's Hikari? Shouldn't she be here with you too?"

"She's working with Misato-san and Maya," he gestured in the direction of her song. "If I understand correctly, the three of them will be working on some leadership courses that Misato-san feels will benefit Hikari." He grinned, "I kind of hope it convinces her to go to college. Just because I can't, doesn't mean that she shouldn't. I want her to have the freedom to do what she's capable of…you know?"

"I do," Asuka patted his arm. "Though I'm not entirely sure that I'd trust Frau Katsuragi to teach a Leadership Development Course. She's a bit erratic."

 _I am surrounded by Irony._ "With the addition of Maya, I think we can rest assured that Hikari will be given enough perspectives to adjust her own style to succeed. She's certainly not as hard-nosed as Misato-san, nor as soft-hearted as Maya is. I'm confident that she'll do well."

"So, if Major Ibuki is off with Hikari," she frowned, "who's running the tests today?"

Walking them through the outer doors to the fresh air of the outdoor track, Shinji fought to remember if anyone had ever told Asuka what had taken place between him and Ritsuko, "Doctor Akagi. She's taking over a number of projects from Maya, so that we're not putting all of our development onto one set of shoulders."

"Oh, that makes sense," Asuka nodded. "It wouldn't be a good idea to trust studying your issues to someone who's also going to be marrying you. Contaminating the results with pre-conceived notions isn't good science." Spying the lab coat-wearing polymath setting up her equipment, she blinked, "Why doesn't she have anyone helping her? If she has to run all of that crap herself, this is going to take forever."

"Ritsuko-san," Shinji called when they were at a socially appropriate distance, "can I help set up? Or is this a little over my head?"

"It's just timing equipment for marathons and…is that a spectrograph?" Asuka tilted her head, "Why would you need a spectrograph to test something on him? He reflects light, he doesn't emit it." Patting Shinji's arm she moved towards the half-blonde, "I'll give you a hand. I'd rather him not be stuck here all night."

"Pally!" Noelle's voice prevented Shinji from adding that he'd also lend a hand. As he turned he saw the sparkplug VTOL pilot jogging out ahead of another slightly older woman. "How the hell have you been, you dork?" Jumping as she reached him, she laced her arms behind his neck and kissed him happily, "I missed you."

Of all of the 'new' people in his life, the softest spot in his heart was for the grinning blonde in his arms, "I missed you too, Raffle. It has been…an absolute mess since the volcano. I'm very sorry that I haven't made time to come see you." Bending down to place her on her feet, a growing sense of amusement at the number of women that took advantage of his height to be more exuberant in their friendship with him, he finally placed the slow-to-approach companion of Noelle, "Christie-san," he bowed politely, "I am sorry that we have not had a chance to speak in person. Please, accept my condolences on the loss of your husband."

"Thank you," the woman's smile was pained. "It…means a great deal to me to know he hasn't been forgotten."

"We caught sight of you as we were headed out after her shift," Noelle hugged into his side. "She's been working extra hours to learn how to do the job properly, and her boss has nothing but high praise for her."

"That's good to hear," Shinji stated with genuine pleasure. "What are you doing?"

"I'm just a line cook," Christie staved off the praise. "It's different than cooking for myself and my…uhm…." Covering over her slip, she chuckled and shrugged, "My hope is that I'll be able to make the meals here on base not as notoriously difficult to enjoy."

"When are your shifts?" He grinned, wanting to encourage the woman to strive for success, "I'd love to try something you make."

"We'd like to try something you make," Noelle poked him in the side. "When am I getting a tour of your new house?"

"Why don't you stop by in the morning?" He worked his hand, "I have practice with Suzuka-san at oh-three, and we leave for school at oh-seven. Somewhere in that time I can take you on a tour." He shrugged with a grimace, "With what they're asking me to do, go to school then come in for testing, I'm not going to have a lot of free time for a while."

"Shinji!" Asuka called from behind him, "We're waiting on you!"

"Oh-three, then." Pulling him back down into another kiss, she patted his face and whispered, "I need a night with you. It's been hard, being there for Christie. Please?"

 _I have a duty to her, even if I wasn't as fond of her as I am._ "Tonight? I can talk to Hikari and Maya. I'll be leaving here at twenty hundred, if you want to travel with us?"

"It's a date." Sneaking in a last kiss, she patted his cheek and turned to face the woman behind her, "Let's go, Christie. We've got stops to make for stuff and things. Can't have you living out of empty cupboards, won't do."

Watching the pair walk away, Shinji pondered the exuberant affection of Noelle and the sullen demeanor of Christie, _It's draining being the person responsible for someone else. I wonder how much that impacted what Kodama chose to do._ Turning back to Ritsuko and Asuka, he ducked a quick apology, "I'm sorry. I haven't seen her in a while."

"It isn't a worry," Ritsuko waved off his concern. "We're a little ahead of schedule anyway." Reaching out to offer him a tablet computer, she gestured to the track, "I'd like to have you follow along with our plan for today. If you feel uncomfortable doing anything, please speak up."

Taking the device, Shinji nodded, "Thank you, Ritsuko-san." Scanning down the timeline, he re-asked the question that had been interrupted by Raffle's appearance, "Are you working alone? I thought that Maya had set aside some technicians to assist."

"I asked that they focus on the upgrades to Unit-02." She hesitated, "I…believed your security detachment would be enough to-"

"It's fine," he shook his head, smiling brightly. "I'm not worried about that at all."

"About what?" Asuka frowned between the two, able to detect the dance for what it was: two people with boundary issues rediscovering how to relate to one another.

"There was some confusion," Shinji spoke over Ritsuko firmly. "People believed that Ritsuko-san had done something, and I have been trying my hardest to get people to understand that I neither blame her nor believe her responsible for it. I want it in the past, dead and buried, so that we can move forward and put all of our effort towards attacking the real enemy."

"The Angels," Asuka smirked. "Yeah, people can be pretty hung up about the past."

"We know that better than anyone, don't we?" He handed the tablet back to Ritsuko, "I'm in your hands, Ritsuko-san. Nothing I see here is anything to worry over." Gesturing along his torso, he tilted his head, "Will these do? You asked me to show up in comfortable clothes for working out, if not I can try and get some NERV-issued sweats?"

He heard her song settle, a small smile playing about her lips, "It's just fine, Shinji. And please…maybe just call me Rits?"

+++++ 9th Angel + 3: Tuesday (61)

"He's inhuman." Asuka couldn't keep her eyes from Shinji as he ran around the track, "What did you people do to him?"

"That's what we're trying to find out, Pilot Soryu," Ritsuko had quickly grown tired of having the redhead second-guess everything she was doing. "And I would argue that 'inhuman' is an unfair descriptor for him. He's the most _human_ man I've ever met."

"I just looked up the world record for the four hundred," the pilot waggled her tablet, "and he's already beat it by almost _half_. Over one hundred and eighty times! You want to argue semantics, that's fine, we'll argue semantics. There is no possible better descriptor to describe what he is doing other than 'not capable of being performed by a human'. You still haven't described what you need the spectrographs for, either."

The horn sounded as he broke the plane of the 'light fence' designed to keep track of runners as they crossed the finish line, and Shinji flew past once more to continue at his task.

"To measure wavelengths," the half-blonde responded tersely.

"Oh? Really? Here I thought they were an analogy for the failure of modern society to cope with the loss of the pangolin," standing up she walked over to the MAGI terminal attached to the closest device.

Ritsuko warned her without shifting her eyes from the laptop she was reading from, "Don't touch that, unless you want to explain to the Commander and Shinji why he had to repeat his baseline tests." Waving her hand, she gestured towards the stands, "If you're bored, go cheer him on. See if that spurs him to move faster."

"Is it really so difficult to tell me what you're doing as you're doing it?" Asuka turned around and cocked her hip to the side, one hand perched on her waist and the other taking in all of the gear she'd help set up, "I'm not an idiot, I can understand it even if you condense it down."

"Measuring the changes in his energy production as he expends energy to maintain his speed," marking down a few times to look at more extensively, she left it at that.

"Production?" Asuka snorted, "You make it sound like he's a power plant."

"If you're so smart, why haven't you noticed the spike every time he passes the spectrograph?" Pointing directly at the machine's display, which was just inside of her range of vision, her tone remained unmoved. "The evidence is right there, he's producing energy in excess of what he's expending, and the more he expends, the more he produces."

"…Then why doesn't he explode?" Asuka watched Shinji worriedly, "Or become radioactive?"

"Because he's not unstable," Ritsuko chuckled. "Comparing him to the comic books you apparently enjoy reading is a bad idea. Any energy he bleeds out is not stochastic, and the Geiger counters we've kept around the base would have picked up on anything truly worrisome when he walked past them if he were emitting isotopes that would cause damage to us mere mortals."

Rolling her eyes, the flame-haired pilot snarked, "I thought you said he was human?"

"He is. Effectively being immortal doesn't preclude being human, it just means that his cellular structure never stops regenerating. So long as it doesn't reproduce at a rate beyond what he naturally loses as cells die, it's not cancer." Swinging her chair around, she stood up and carried a water bottle to the track, "If we can isolate the mechanism, his condition could be the cure for any number of debilitating conditions suffered globally. His legacy could very well end up being greater than simply defeating the Angels."

Shinji caught sight of the demi-blonde stepping out onto the track and slowed to a halt as he crossed the finish line again, "Has it been two hours already?" Not breathing heavily in the slightest, he bounced slightly as he discovered the pain had reduced significantly following the exertions, "I was just starting to feel like I'd warmed up."

"Drink," handing him the bottle, Ritsuko pulled out a field phlebotomy kit. "I don't want you falling down because I took fluid without replacing it. Your 'mother' would beat me black and blue."

Asuka glared at Ritsuko, "His mother is dead, Frau Doktor."

"She means Misato," Shinji made a soothing motion with the hand holding the bottle. "I feel fine, Rits. But I will drink the water, to make you happy."

"Do you honestly consider Frau Katsuragi your mother?" Asuka gave him a wry look, "Really?"

"Honestly? No," Shinji shook his head. "I let her act like one because it makes _her_ happy. Knowing that someone cares about me that much makes _me_ happy." He drank the bottle quickly, "She'd probably be happy if you let her coddle you a bit."

"Not going to happen," Asuka swapped his empty bottle for a full one. "I've seen enough of your after-battle physicals to know you don't drink enough. Drink."

Sensing a chance to crack a joke, in an effort to maybe become closer to his fellow pilot, Shinji grinned, "Yes, dear."

"Don't you start," the redhead shook the empty at him with an arched eyebrow, but a content grin. "I'm still trying to figure out a way to cure your vertigo. It's my butt on the line out there if you go down with a case of the dizzies." Taking the second bottle from him after he finished it, she walked back to the cooler to grab two more, leaving Shinji alone with Ritsuko for a moment.

"Really not a great butt to be worrying over," Ritsuko commented under her breath as she drew out three small vials of blood. "Rather bony."

Shinji bit the side of his mouth to stifle a laugh, "Hikari said the same thing. Maya agreed with her." Flexing his arm against the elastic bandage, he worked the pain loose again, "Did we learn anything today?"

"Did that hurt?" Ritsuko blinked at Shinji's actions, "I'm sorry, I usually have a much more deft touch with drawing blood."

"I…uhm, no," he shook his head, sagging slightly. "I'm always…." Cutting off as Asuka came back, he accepted another bottle, "I hope you don't think I'm going to drink another four."

"Shinji, you ran for two hours straight." The redhead eyed him significantly, "Not 'walked', not 'jogged', not 'moved with alacrity', you _ran_. Dehydration is bad for you, drink the water."

"He would have to sweat far in excess of what he has been for that to be a concern," Ritsuko took a bottle from Asuka, unscrewing the top and taking a sip. "Most likely what you're doing is suppressing his appetite, and making the urinalysis easier."

"That's not that hard to accomplish," Shinji knocked back a third bottle to keep Asuka happy. "I'm never hungry."

"Shinji, that's not…." Asuka growled, turning her anger on Ritsuko, "What are you people doing to him? You've had him like this for two months, how have you not been trying to fix this?"

"Fix what?" Ritsuko sighed, "His enhanced healing abilities? His increased strength? Endurance? His reflexes? What is it that's 'wrong' with him, pray tell? What we are attempting to do, Asuka, is _understand_ him. I would no more change him now than I would have then, given my preferences. He is what and who he is, and I am exceedingly glad that his physical changes have not produced any negative _mental_ changes." Looking back to Shinji, she asked the simple question, "You _can_ eat, should you choose to?"

"Yes," his surprise at Asuka's vehemence was obvious. "I usually eat something small when I make food for everyone else in the house, so that they don't feel bad about eating when I don't. It's probably not healthy to eat when I'm not hungry, but it doesn't seem to do anything bad when I do it."

"Then there's nothing to fix," the scientist shrugged.

"What are we fixing?" Misato asked, looking Shinji up and down curiously, "Did you break him after one session?" The violet-haired Colonel had slipped closer to them during Ritsuko's retort, taking one of Asuka's bottles and unscrewing the cap, "I thought he was tougher than that."

"I'm fine," Shinji waved at Hikari and Maya, who were speaking with his guards. "Asuka is concerned that my…alterations are going to lead to health problems. She's just very concerned about my well-being, as I am about hers. We're partners, and that means my health is her health, and hers is mine."

"My partner doesn't eat, he only drinks if I force him to, and isn't tired after running for two hours straight," Asuka appealed to Misato, "you can't tell me that this isn't going to come crashing down on all of us, Misato. If the list of what we don't know is as long as she," she pointed to Ritsuko, "says it is, then of course I'm worried! How do you take care of someone like him? What if he breaks and none of the medicine we have works? What if he keeps growing and doesn't fit into buildings anymore? Into his entry plug?"

"We take care of him by learning what we can," Misato wrapped her arm around Shinji's waist and hugged him close. "And we trust that if he experiences problems, he'll come tell us. We put systems in place around him to support him, we empower the people he trusts to watch him when we can't, and when bad things happen we improvise."

Asuka's temper flared further, "Improvisation is not a plan! It's the _opposite_ of a plan." Turning back to Shinji, she stuck her hand out to the instruments by the pavilion, "Instead of running actual tests, she's monitoring energy wavelengths. They're not trying to heal you, Shinji. You can't seriously be fine with this. You could die! You could be starving to death and not even know it. You could be burning your internal organs out, and not know it."

Confused by her intensity, he shook his head slowly, "It's not as simple as you're making it out, Asuka." Freeing himself from Misato, he tried to place his hands on his wingman's shoulders, "I've lived this-"

Slapping his hand aside, she stepped back, "I am not going to stand here and pretend everything is fine, Shinji. Just…just go away!" Storming off, she tossed aside the remaining water bottle, "Just go away!"

Misato whispered tersely as Shinji moved to follow, "Stop." Grabbing his elbow, she moved up alongside him, "I've got this. It won't do her any good to have you try and comfort her right now." Putting herself between him and Asuka's retreating form, she held her hands out and backed away, "She enjoys your company, Shinji. You're the first person who she's actually opened up to in a long time, and the fact that you might die is terrifying. Just let me handle this."

Hikari and Maya arrived at his side as Misato turned to hurry after the redheaded pilot. The younger of his two fiancées bent down to pick up the discarded bottle, "That was…unexpected." Rolling the drink between her hands, she shifted to include Ritsuko in the conversation, "Do we have any actual fears of him dying, Ritsuko-san?"

"No," the demi-blonde shook her head, spreading her hands in confusion. "He'll probably outlive all of us. I'm confident in the analysis provided by his medical staff, and in Major Ibuki's observations. The various labs we've run would have given us something to worry over, if there was anything _to_ worry over. As it is, he's beyond healthy, and she's making a mountain out of a crater."

"Is he still spiking?" Maya held her hand out for the tablet Ritsuko held, "He normally goes down after about two days."

"It went up as he ran," Ritsuko began speaking at a higher level than Shinji could follow, leading to him walking off to the side with Hikari.

"How did your lesson go?" Joy suffused him as his first girlfriend took his arm happily, "Did you learn how to keep me in line?"

"I never needed Misato's help for that," Hikari giggled. "Keeping you in line is easy, I bat my eyelashes," she did as much while smiling prettily, "and I ask you to do something for me."

"I believe some would call me 'whipped'," Shinji laughed. "I think I prefer to call it 'happy'."

"And you have no idea how wonderful that makes me feel," Laying her head against his arm, she sighed. "No, Misato-san is trying to convince me…succeeding in convincing me, really, that I have to be more 'active' in leading. That the method I've used for, well…my whole life, it's only good so long as I have someone above me to appeal to. She wants me to be the one people appeal to, she wants to put me in a position to call the shots."

"You'll be good at it," he turned them slightly onto the track. "I've always thought you had the capability, you just needed the right teacher." Once they were far enough away that he could speak in a more normal tone without being overheard, he broached the next topic, "Noelle needs me tonight. She's having a hard time of it, taking care of Christie-san, and I get the feeling there's more she didn't feel comfortable talking about right then."

"So," Hikari's eyes scanned his face for a second, "like on the ship?"

"I believe so," he would always be grateful for her memory and intelligence. As a partner, she was everything he could ever desire. "I have to assume that if she could ask Vidar she would, but I also don't want to make her feel like she can't come talk to me if it will help."

"No, no," she shook her head, "that's not what I meant when I asked. If she wants to borrow you every once in a while, I'm not upset. She's _our_ friend. She's been active in helping you break out of your shell, and she's the kind of woman who would tear down the GeoFront to save a friend. I'm just wondering how connected a few things are." Patting his wrist, she smiled, "Do you need to call her? Tell her she can come over?"

"I…kind of already promised," he blushed, embarrassed. "I told her we were planning on leaving at eight, and that she could ride with us."

"Good!" Her smile grew brilliant, "That's great! You made a choice, Shinji!" Wiggling happily, she squeezed his arm, "That's wonderful. Keep doing that, I'm proud of you!"

They continued their slow walk around the track, completing an entire lap before Maya and Ritsuko were finished with their conversation. Speaking of less dire matters, the two simply enjoyed the company of the other. To Shinji it was time well spent, as he had thousands of tiny concerns that Hikari was able to help him sort into place. To Hikari, it was further proof that the man she'd been destined for wasn't strangled by the red string of fate, as she felt his heart settle the more they spoke. It was affirmation both had needed, and a reminder that they needed to spend more time in simple pursuits such as this.

+++++ 9th Angel + 3: Tuesday (61)

Leaving Noelle idling her motorcycle next to the sedan carrying Maya and Hikari, Shinji walked up the stairs instead of taking the elevator to the fourth floor. Mikoto's joke that she needed the extra exercise was followed with a poke to his stomach and a reminder that he needed the extra exercise too, which prompted a return jab to her shoulder with a retort that he'd just ran for two hours. Laughing their way up the rest of the stairs, Shinji felt much better about what he was about to do.

 _If she's upheld her end of the bargain, I'll reward her. If Nozomi seems upset, I'll have to be stern. I can do this._ Nodding to his guard as he parted from Mikoto and approached Nicolette, he stopped by her side to greet her properly, "How are you doing, Nicolette-san? Quiet evening, I hope?"

The smaller agent smiled her practiced smile up at him, "It's always better when you work for people who appreciate what you do." Her song spoke of discontent, though her tone hid it extremely well, "It's been all quiet here, sir."

"Just Shinji, please, Nicolette." Leaning against the railing like she had been, he lowered his voice, "I'm serious when I say that. I couldn't rest easy without all of you working as hard as you do, and each of you has become increasingly important to me as individuals in addition to guardians. So please," reaching over he lightly patted her wrist, "when I say that I want to help when something's bothering you, understand that I _mean that_."

"…Not much to be done, Shinji," she flipped her hand over and twined her fingers around his. "I want something I can't have, and it hurts because he's a good guy who's good at what he does. But Jake feels the way he feels, and I can't live my life the way he thinks I ought to."

 _I guess that ended up coming to a head._ "I'm sorry about that, Nicolette." Laughing self-deprecatingly, he clasped her hand tight, "I know how you feel, and…it may seem I'm trying to compare us but I'm not. I just…I remember thinking for so long that I just wanted one, _one_ , person to know I was here. To look at me and say, 'I'm glad you're alive'. I spent forever thinking it would never happen, and every person who might have…just didn't."

"Then you found Hikari," she grinned. "And Major Ibuki."

"No," he shook his head. "They found me. I stopped hiding long enough for them to have that chance. I guess what I'm saying is, love sometimes finds you. Someone as talented as you? As beautiful? I can't imagine you'll be waiting forever." He looked down at her, "…Would a hug help?"

Her smile turned sad, "It certainly wouldn't hurt, Shinji." Standing up straight, she let him pull her into his embrace with a sigh of regret, "You'd think I'd be used to rejection. After getting told twice I couldn't sign up for the military."

"It never gets easier, I think," Shinji folded his arms around her. "You just get better at telling yourself that it isn't as bad."

Her laugh was slightly damp, "I'm lucky you're my responsibility. Otherwise I might have to make a play for you." Gently pressing herself free, she smiled with genuine gratitude, "Thank you, Shinji."

"We're a team, right?" He gripped her shoulder, "And that means we support each other. Next time you feel bad, come over and we'll dance with Nozomi…or _for_ Nozomi. One or the other." Accepting her nod and gesture towards Kodama's door as an end to the conversation, he reminded himself that he couldn't fix everything. _But I can sure try._

Pressing the call button, he didn't have to wait long before the door flew open and a happy cry of, "Nii-san," preceded Nozomi clambering up him to hug him tightly. "Thank you for buying us dessert! Kodama-nee-san says you insisted."

"I said so long as you were good," Kodama stated with a tired sigh. "I said that Shinji insisted that I go through the restaurant we ordered from." Looking at him, her emotions were where they would always be. Front and center, clear as the skies above him.

"I am glad that you were good for your sister," carefully setting his precious cargo down, he crouched and tapped her nose, "because I know you can be a handful sometimes. Remember, when you visit here, you're visiting your _sister_ , not your _mother_. Did you help with the dishes?"

"I…forgot," she looked down at her feet, chastened. Spinning around, she bowed to Kodama, "I'm sorry, Kodama-nee-san! I got so excited when you showed me how to remember the dates from History Class."

"It's ok, Sprout," the eldest of the Horaki sisters waved away the issue. "It's just two plates and two bowls. Next time, I'll have you give me a hand, ok?"

"We'll work harder to be better," Shinji tapped the back of Nozomi's head with his knuckle. "Now, why don't you walk Nicolette-san down to the car. I'd like to have a quick chat with Kodama." Standing up, he shifted his mass so that he wasn't blocking the hall. Out the door like a dart, he smiled contentedly as the youngest of the Horaki sisters took her guardian's hand and began chatting about everything that had happened. "Thank you, Kodama." He turned to consider her with a calm smile, "That was what I hoped to see."

"So," the set of her shoulders indicated clearly that she anticipated not enjoying the talk, "what now?"

"May I come in?" He tilted his head towards the stairs, "I figure you don't want anyone else hearing what you have to say."

Her frown was confused, "Sure…."

"Thank you," ducking a polite bow, he kicked his shoes off and closed the door behind him. "I'll wash the dishes, and you can tell me what you've come up with." Rolling up his sleeves, he moved to the kitchen-slash-dining room and scooped up the dirty plates and bowls.

"What I've…." Frozen in place as she watched him move, he saw her looking around the room from the corner of his eye.

 _This, Kodama, is why anything we started would end poorly until you learn better mechanisms to show me you care. You know me so well, but you miss the important things. You want to drown me with_ affection _, forgetting that I need_ love. "I was talking to Nicolette-san outside, it seems Jake-san shot her down. A mistake, in my opinion, but I can't deny that he has the right to say 'No'. He wants to keep love and work separate, I get the feeling there's something in his past that puts him in that frame of mind." _Hint, hint._

The reminder struck her between the eyes, and she caught it off the bounce and ran with it, "That's a shame. I think they would have been great together. He's a bit staid, but he's great around kids. I'm sure he could adapt to her peculiarities, so long as she gave him enough room to be his own man. It sounds like what she wanted was to work and be a mother at the same time, if I understand the Sprout correctly. He's…more traditional."

"It's a hard life," Shinji nodded. "Two working parents, nobody able to dedicate the entirety of their time to the children. But, it's the only life he has, the only life she has. They have to balance what they want, what they're willing to give. If the two can't match, they can't match."

"I know I'd be willing to give a great deal to get what I wanted," Kodama leaned against the edge of the counter. "I…regret making it seem like I wasn't. Making it seem like I only wanted to take, and not give." She flicked a finger to the sink, "You're more than just a penis, far more than a shoulder to cry on. I let myself lean on the obvious means of appealing to you, and…it was a mistake."

 _It's not perfect, but neither am I._ Setting down the bowl he was scrubbing, he turned to scoop her up into a hug, "Thank you." Supporting her carefully, balancing the desire to encourage change with the need to not appear as if he'd completely come around to her way of thinking, his hands stayed firmly away from where he knew she'd want them. "That is what I'd hoped you understand." Setting her down by the sink so that she could sit on the counter closer to him, he returned to his task, taking his time at it, "I spoke with Hikari and Maya about your idea, and they had some concerns. Concerns I share, but you and I have already spoken about some of them.

"Ok," he could see her quivering with the urge to jump on him. His hug had done what he'd hoped, and rewarded positive behaviors while maintaining boundaries, "Maybe…maybe I could talk to Maya about it? I'm still angry…with Hikari. I know I shouldn't be, but I am."

"No," Shinji shook his head, "you don't choose how you feel. You choose how you act with what you're feeling. If you're angry, you're angry. If you can't control that anger well enough to keep it from controlling you, then you focus on getting it settled in your mind before you spread it about like a plague." Tapping her knee with his elbow, he grinned, "Take the time you need, Kodama. We want you there for the wedding, and that means that _we_ need to accept how _you_ feel as well. It's a two-way street."

Watching quietly as he finished with the last dish, she handed him a cloth to dry his hands with, "I'll try talking to Maya."

"I'll tell her to expect it," stepping back from the sink, he offered her help down from the counter. "But I'd ask that you remember that she speaks for _her_ , not for me and not for Hikari."

Landing on the ground, she held his hands tightly, "Is it…is it true? You gave her a ring? Nozomi…."

"It's true." _I won't hide my happiness, and if you can't accept it then this can't ever be more than friends._ "There are a number of things you've missed, significant changes that we can't talk about here."

"Well then…." She stood taller, "That just means you're open to the idea. I can work harder, find what needs to be done to get one for myself. I'm not giving up on us, Ba…Shinji."

 _She remembered. It's progress._ "It may help you to know that Hikari asked me to not close the door on the idea." He freed a hand and held it between them, "Not that I'm saying I'm for or against it right now. I have concerns, my fiancées have concerns, and if my actions will lead to hurting my relationships with them, then I have an obligation to do what's best for them. Regardless of what I may or may not want."

"Hikari…she told you to keep an open mind?" Kodama frowned, "Those words?"

"Her words were, 'Don't let her take you away from us, don't do anything you aren't comfortable doing'." He stressed the last point, "She wants you back in our lives, and she trusts me to make it happen. She loves you, Kodama. I know that can be hard to remember sometimes, but…just try and remember that."

+++++ 9th Angel + 3: Tuesday (61)

Following a quick dinner and goodnight kisses to the women he loved, Shinji and Noelle read Nozomi a story from Asuka's book of folk tales before tucking her in for the evening. The battle-tested blonde seemed content, hamming up the parts she read, earning laughter and frightened gasps where appropriate. When it was time to part, she gave her audience a big hug and kiss, ruffling her hair and saying that she hoped Nozomi had good dreams.

Once in the hallway, Shinji was absolutely certain of one thing, _She is a fantastic actor. Nozomi didn't pick up on it, Hikari didn't pick up on it. And those two pick up on_ everything. Scooping her up off the ground, he carried her into the guest room, where she began to cry inconsolably. "I've got you, Noelle. I've got you."

For another hour he sat on the Western-style bed and rocked his guest back and forth. Letting her purge whatever darkness had accumulated, calmly cleaning her face with a soft handkerchief, and generally being whatever he thought she needed at that moment. Her hiccoughing cries told him little, her song only spoke of pain and grief.

Coughing out one last sob, she sniffled, then began unbuttoning his shirt, "Ahm sorry, Pally. Ah don't usually break this bad, an' ah took ye from yer lasses." Tugging the tail of his shirt free, she shifted her focus to the cuffs, "Ah jus'…ah din' have it in me."

Letting her do what she wanted, he kept his tone soothing, "It's not a problem, I promise. Hikari was happy that you thought of asking for help, Maya was more concerned that you might not be comfortable here since we have Nozomi-chan."

"Bah," a weak grin shone through, "the wee tyke's a good lass." As quickly as the grin showed up it disappeared behind an angry scowl, "No. Stop." Scrunching her eyes closed, she clenched her hands, "She is a good young lady. I am happy that I was able to make her smile today."

The deliberate enunciation of her words was meaningful, somehow, though he avoided making a point of it, "She's always eager for someone to read her a story. We share the time with her around amongst us, with the three of us she's usually kept happy."

Releasing his sleeves, she pulled at the shirt he wore, "Out. We need to lay down if we are going to get any sleep."

Folding his arms behind his back, he tugged himself free quickly, "I don't mind going without sleep if you need to talk."

"You are not my therapist," she pulled her own shirt off easily. "You are my lifeline. I don't want to talk, I want to be held."

 _This is the woman who fought with everyone to try and get me in to talk to someone._ "I can be both, Noelle."

"Do not make promises you can not keep," she slid off his lap and worked her pants off. "The therapy I need…that is not something that I should ask you to provide."

Pulling off the slacks he'd changed into before picking up Nozomi, he frowned, "We're friends, aren't we? We ask each other for help because we want to be there for each other."

"Then be here for me," tugging off his t-shirt, she pushed him back onto the bed and climbed up next to him. When her t-shirt joined his, she grabbed his arm and pulled it around her torso, "And shut up."

 _Ouch._ Settling into the bed with her against his chest, he mentally tuned out the fact that they were now only two small pieces of cloth away from laying wholly nude with each other. It was unimportant, in the face of whatever it was that was bothering the wonderful woman he held. Ducking his head enough he kissed the crown of her head and whispered, "I love you, Noelle Minders. Good night."

Her nails dug into the side of his hand, "I love you too, ye mad bastard. Please…just don't."

 _Shinji_ , Maya's voice tickled the back of his mind, _how's it going? You feel…upset? Hurt?_

Having a living, breathing, person in his soul at all times was something he was still adjusting to, and he was proud of himself for not leaping straight into the air and away from the mostly nude woman in his bed when the voice of one of his fiancées carried into his mind. _Noelle's hurting. She wants something, but she can't spit it out. She needs something, but I'm way out of my depth here. She seems to think that being held will give her at least part of it._

 _Then hold her,_ Maya urged him. _Hold her like you held me, like you'd hold Hikari. Sometimes just being held is enough Shinji. You have a tendency to not put your heart into stuff that you do, for fear of upsetting someone. It's become a habit. Break the habit, and hold her. I mean, I'm not wrong when I say you love her, right? She's worked her way into your heart, right?_

 _I…I am holding her,_ he frowned indignantly. _My arm's around her and everything!_

 _Shinji, I'm going to be blunt here. You need to_ hold _her. Pull her against you like she's as important to you as she is._ The Major's voice carried a hint of command, _Hikari and I agree that if she needs your help, she needs as much as you can give her. She might unwind if you do. Now, I'm going to try and sleep, we love you._

Shifting his grasp, he pulled her into his torso. _If this will help…Maya and Hikari wouldn't tell me to try if they'd dislike me doing it._ Curling his one hand around her waist and the other just beneath her chest at the ribs, he shifted his mode of thinking from simply existing behind the woman to actively supporting her. Regaining the frame of mind he was in aboard the _Over the Rainbow_ , where he had desperately needed her strength, he put himself in a similar position and let his muscles clench snugly around her.

More than an hour passed as he recounted the events he'd experienced at sea. His thoughts naturally went to Kelly, and his need to follow up with her on the recent changes. Flowing from there he remembered that he'd wanted to contact Asuka and make certain that she was holding up after expressing her fears. Continuing his assault on the growing stack of correspondence, both new and return, planning the invitation list for the wedding reception, speaking with the media regarding his….

His thoughts were interrupted by a terse whisper, "Do ye actually love me?"

"Yes," Shinji blinked, "you fought everyone and everything to help me. You stayed by my side on the ' _Rainbow_ , you slapped sense into my head when I was losing myself to…dark places. You brought me into a group of people who showed me how to fly, who showed up out of nowhere to help me after everything on the train, everything with Toshiro. I know you have problems in your past, you know I have problems in my past. You are, and always will be if I can make it work, someone I want around as often as possible. You'll have bad days, I'll have bad days, but so long as you don't push me away…I'm sorry, I'm rambling."

Rolling over, she hugged him, "It's a good ramble, though. Strong." Resting her cheek against his chest, she shook her head slowly, "Idunn convinced Thor to stop sleeping with me. His wife…she got really pissed off. Told him that if he's going to listen to his sister over his wife, then she's going to stop listening to him. It's a huge irony that she's ordered me to move in with her for now and he can sleep at my apartment until he reconsiders. She…she wrote ye a note when I told her I was comin' here t'night, it's in my bag."

"… _Why?_ " Shinji couldn't hold the question back, "I don't understand?"

Pushing him onto his back, she laid half atop his chest and braced her chin atop her crossed arms, "Because Idunn thought we were secretly fucking."

His retort was immediate, "That's preposterous. You aren't that kind of a woman, he isn't that kind of a man."

Slapping his chest, she nodded, "Thank you. He's never once strayed, and he's had far better temptations than me dangled in front of him. I've been in the house when he admitted several of the attempts, not wanting to hide anything from the missus."

"She's been…vocal, Idunn-san has, about how I shouldn't be marrying." Reaching up, he fixed several stray hairs that had fallen before Noelle's eyes, "She hasn't been around, lately."

"Shouldn't be marrying?" Noelle glared at the wall, "That's a raft of shit if I've ever heard one. You an' Hikari go together like bangers and mash. I've not seen you an' the Major so often, but tonight at dinner you blushed more than once at her touch. If you three are happy, be fuckin' happy!"

"What about you?" He tried to turn the conversation back to her, "What's stopping you from being happy?"

"Pally," she reached up and put her finger across his lips, "no. Yer doin' yer part. I came here t' cry, t' let go, an' t' spend some time wit' my favorite lad. I accomplished what I needed." Sliding up, she kissed him warmly, "Now, let's shut down fer a bit, I'm done thinkin' of the bad. I'd rather lie here for a while with the good." Tucking herself along his chest, she pulled the sheet up over them and sighed, "Yer a good egg, Shinji. Don't let nobody tell ye otherwise."

+++++ 9th Angel + 4: Wednesday (62)

Suzuka crashed down upon him with enough force to shatter a mountain, and still not with the entirety of her gifts behind the blow. Her tone was even, neither aggressive nor cordial, "Push back harder. You can summon more strength, we need to push if we are to defeat what's to come."

Shinji, unlike his sparring partner, had a much more difficult time speaking while fighting. Instead of wasting his efforts trying to match her feat, he simply did as she asked. Digging for more power he slapped aside the crosswise slash she threw at him to force him to reposition and twisted into an uppercut that he hoped would take away her base, giving him an 'in' to begin his own counterassault.

Her counter-counterassault, however, added his momentum to her own and dropped him back to the dirt with a hilt strike directly to the center of his forehead. Sitting astride his chest, her knees pinning his shoulders and her sword across his throat, she frowned down at her friend, "Sloppy. Where is your mind?"

"He's holdin' back fer fear o' hurtin' ye," Noelle called from her place on the doorstep. "I may not be half the brawler you are, lady, but I know restraint when I see it."

Suzuka whispered tersely, "Is it her?"

Shaking his head subtly, he kept his voice low as well, "Too much going on in my head. It's…I'm afraid I'll seriously hurt you, things changed recently, and I'm stronger than I was. Adding on all of the other things in my life, I'm having a hard time concentrating."

"Noelle-chan," Suzuka kept her sword in place, not moving from her dominant position as she raised her voice enough to be heard, "I presume it does not surprise you that my prisoner has strength beyond that of a normal man?"

"I'd say that's a touch o' the understatement," laughing warmly, she pointed to where he lay on the ground, "he's lifted jets, blocked bullets, and held me close without touching me improper-like." Her voice adopted the stern, commanding, tone he had become accustomed to when he'd displeased her, "Pally, you'd best not be holdin' back for fear of scarin' me. No wasting the samurai's time, she's enough of her own business to be about."

"As you treat him with the dignity and respect owed a warrior," easing her sword off his throat, Suzuka looked over to Noelle with a raised eyebrow, "I will ask that you treat me with the same. I am the one who has been charged with training him as I am the only individual we know of that can withstand his might. You may have noticed I am more capable than I might appear at first blush, but I assure you that is not the depths of my power."

"Figured as much," the VTOL pilot shrugged, "no offense intended, lass, but yer a slip of a woman. It only makes sense yer organization wanted someone what had the capacity to go toe-to-toe with him."

"Coming from another warrior, I will allow the point." Suzuka reached down and gripped Shinji's jaw, "Get on your feet and swing at me with everything you have." Bending closer, she whispered harshly, "No. Holding. Back. Lest you wish to see me bludgeon the mouthy chit to prompt you into proper action."

Both combatants regained their footing, and Shinji scowled. _I hold back because I don't know my upper limit. What would I do if I seriously injured her? I couldn't live with myself._ Shifting his shoulders around to buy some time to think, he cast about for a means by which to better understand his strength. _This is why we're working evenings now._ The low rumble of thunder in the distance reminded him that his anger had to be carefully reined in.

 _Don't hold back, then,_ Dark stood next to him, facing Suzuka. _She's far stronger than she looks. Fight her like you would an Angel, just don't go for the kill._ The otherworldly presence seemed more corporeal than usual as she reached over and patted his shoulder, _Trust me. If this goes poorly, I swear I'll leave forever._

 _So, I'm not stronger than her?_ Squaring his stance, he kept his eyes on the fighter before him.

Dark snorted, _I didn't say that. Strength is only part of a fight, Shinji. You need to have talent, the skill to use that talent, and the experience to make everything flow functionally. She knows what she's doing, and when you hit her she'll be able to adapt. Focus and strike like you would if you were fighting the first Angel you fought again. Call on the Songs, don't think about her counters as she makes them, just counter them. Don't fight with these alone,_ she swatted his hand. _Fight with your mind. Half the reason I'm always angry with you is that you don't think as quickly as you're capable of._

 _I'm sorry that I'm overly cautious,_ he growled. _It's not like I'm walking around with the power to lift an ocean with my mind or anything._

The shade took a moment before speaking again, _That's fair._ Stepping before him, she folded her hands behind her back, _I'm sorry for being impatient with you. Please allow me to make it up to you. Let me earn a place by your side so that we are allies, not adversaries._

 _I'll offer you the same thing I gave to Nyx,_ he looked her in the eyes, _equality. Neither of us on top, neither of us over the other. You want to work with me, you work_ with _me. I am not a puppet, I am not a pet, I am your_ partner, _or we are_ nothing _. I gave you this before, and got burned. You say it was gentle…I'm willing to let you prove it. Help me fix this. Fix everything. Tie your fortunes to mine._

Stepping out of his line of attack, she gestured towards Suzuka, _You may want to be careful with that offer, Shinji. My species takes what you're throwing around very seriously._ Nodding, he saw her smile as she spoke, _Fight. Hold onto the songs, and I can watch and help you learn afterwards. Don't be distracted while you face death, or death will claim you. Tune everything else out. There is only you and those that must fall._

Shinji sized Suzuka up, as Dark had requested he do, and began to see the difference in what he had been doing, and what he was capable of. Letting his body slacken slightly, he felt for the balance he experienced each time he entered Unit-01. Muscles were no longer covered by skin, but by armor. His eyes were no longer simply taking in the world, they were analyzing the world around him. His A.T. Field, no longer compressed within his flesh suit, flared to life around him. Between breaths, when his self-image changed from 'Shinji Ikari' to 'Angel Killer', he began.

Ten meters vanished in one step. A vicious right hook to her chest nearly evaded her parry, the follow-on knee caught the meat of her upper thigh. Ducking his shoulder, he slammed his torso into hers, then kicked her off of him, sending her heavenward. With his soul wrapped around his limbs he struck with the force of a titan. He felt enormous, powerful…alive. He watched her ascent and began to formulate his responses to her likely actions. She wasn't done, and he felt a strange joy as he realized that neither was she truly hurt.

Turning her body so that she would either hit him with a two-handed strike or be allowed to land unmolested, Suzuka's eyes glowed with a hungry intensity. It was now no longer a matter of coaxing him, helping him become comfortable with his body and what it was capable of should he choose to continue to mold it towards its glorious potential. What she had to work with now was still raw, simply no longer tethered by restraint.

Back and forth they struggled, thunderclaps echoing as fist met blade. Neither gave an inch, only jumping back long enough to gain more momentum to add to their next attack. Time had no meaning, space had less meaning. There was only the next step to be taken, the next blow to be leveled. His pain subsided, his thoughts fled, and there was a oneness within him for one brief, magnificent, moment. It wasn't peace, it wasn't tranquility. There was no serenity, no calm within the storm. He wasn't mortal. Such oddities were beneath him, not needed when the very power of the cosmos was within his grasp.

Flowing faster than she could follow, he gripped her sword and tore it from her grip. Throwing it aside in the same motion, he slipped the same hand against her stomach and…pushed. Later, he couldn't describe the action in any other manner. His hand touched the flesh of her stomach through the part in her robes and his spirit extended into her core. Her gasp shattered the moment and it was only his naturally heightened reflexes that allowed him to catch her as she sagged against him.

"Th-that…." Her nails dug into his chest, "M-more… _more_."

 _Ok, I think we have learned all we are going to be able to today. In the house, everyone. Now._ Dark clapped her hands, _Quickly, before the song's power ends and the bitch shows up_ _to ruin everything._

+++++ 9th Angel + 4: Wednesday (62)

With Hikari and Noelle tending to Nozomi, Shinji and Maya conferred with Dark over what to do to help Suzuka. _You said it wouldn't go poorly,_ Shinji snarled. _What. Happened._

 _Her pulse is elevated, but steady. She's sweating profusely, will definitely need liquids, but she's not in any danger that I can assess medically._ Maya's calm demeanor was the only tether Shinji had to rationality at the moment, _If I had to take a guess, she's euphoric. This is the kind of reaction I'd expect from someone with a massive amount of dopamine flooding their system._

 _Which is probably about right,_ Dark's hands worked before her as if she was manipulating something. _Shinji managed to invade her soul space, much like he did for you, which should not have been possible._ She looked over to him, _You can't tell me this went poorly, Shinji. You've just given her pure_ joy _. Your innermost feelings for her manifested in your attack. The worst you could say might come from this is she'll want another strike just like it._

 _Why shouldn't it be possible?_ Maya locked eyes with Shinji, her request that he allow her to talk made clear. _He does it to me, right?_

 _Because you wanted it. One soul can't just envelop another without permission. Otherwise your species would be a monolithic mass of congealed sapience, a kind of hivemind gestalt that shared everything with everyone at every time._ Pushing aside whatever she had been doing, she pointed down to Suzuka, _That should have ended with no result, or if he was inside of that biomechanical monstrosity you created, she would have been reduced to nothing but a puddle of lifeblood._

 _Wait,_ Shinji looked over to Maya, then back to Dark, _so…._ He turned to Maya, _You_ wanted _my soul to dominate yours?_

 _Shinji…why do you think I like it when you stop me from using my arms while Hikari uses her tongue?_ Maya's eyes went flat, _You aren't_ that _innocent._

 _O…oh._ He blushed, _So…does, uhm…does this mean that Suzuka…._

 _You'd have to ask her._ Dark shrugged, _Regardless, rather than having her have to explain to the other woman why she was moaning like a dog in heat, I had you bring her in like you'd managed to hit her diaphragm. It's a common enough injury, and would cause her to become weak in the knees like she did. I told you I'd help you, I'm helping you._

Maya nodded along to the logic, _She's not wrong. You couldn't have known she'd react this way, Suzuka-san couldn't have known that you'd have that ability, and Dark here couldn't have anticipated how Suzuka-san would react to being struck in that way._

"Shinji?" Suzuka patted around the bed beside her, "Are…are you here?"

 _This might be awkward enough._ Dark rolled her finger in the air, _We'll talk about your combat session later. You don't need me here while you're all talking about the mating rituals of your culture._ She looked over to him with a serious cast to her features, _Be cautious, ok? The bitch would have you utilize this ability to do terrible things. You're better than that, and you know it._

 _I'm going to step outside,_ Maya kissed his cheek. _Whatever she has to say, it's most likely embarrassing. I can't help but hear your thoughts, but we can at least help her pretend this didn't happen if that's what she'd prefer._ Ducking quietly through the door, she left Shinji alone with a different woman for the second time in less than a day, her trust in him absolute.

"I'm right here," kneeling beside the guest bed, he took her hand and held it lightly. "I'm sorry about hitting you like that. I guess I got in a really lucky hit. I saw the opening and went for it, like you trained me." The words were amply true, though the meaning could easily be taken more than one way.

She sighed out a laugh, then spoke in a low, tired, voice, "Lean closer, please."

Instinctively doing as she asked, he was only marginally surprised when he caught a heavy slap alongside his face.

"We have spoken of lying to each other. It is beneath our positions, beneath our dignity, and will not be tolerated." Pulling him forward, she tugged him into sitting next to her on the bed. Stripped to the waist, her bindings maintaining her dignity, she retained his hand, "A Lord does not despoil the people he protects by coating his tongue in lies."

"It…wasn't a lie," Shinji looked down at the mattress to avoid letting his eyes linger where they shouldn't. "Not fully. I _am_ sorry I hit you in a way that caused you to suffer. I did see an opening, and I did go for it."

"It was not a lucky strike," she pointed out the falsehood. "You found your potential for but a moment, and I was too slow to react." Twining their fingers together, she kept an instructor's tone about her words, "I will likely be able to guard against it in the future, but that does not prevent what happened in the present."

"Your…uhm, soul." _How do I even begin to explain this?_

"Has been marked," she claimed simply. "Which now creates an imbalance. I can feel your presence, whereas before I simply understood your mind. I…cannot say that I am ill-pleased to discover that you truly are the man we believed you to be. Though I would rather have discovered that…over time." Pausing to reflect on her own thoughts, she idly traced designs on the back of his hand.

His newfound confidence couldn't quite keep up with the demands he had of it, and so Shinji was forced to pick through his words in order to ask the painful truth, "How, uhm…how did it feel when…uhm…."

"Pleasant," she replied unabashedly. "I apologize that it led to your panicking. Communicating my emotional state to you in that moment was not something I believe I could have managed. Keeping my knees from turning to liquid was a surprise in and of itself."

"So…Maya was right." He blushed, "I…I'm at a loss."

"Do you apologize for bringing me unfiltered pleasure, and thereby reduce the joy that I felt in that moment? Do you say nothing, and simply trust that your friend understands your heart? Or," she squeezed his hand, "do you seek knowledge of how you accomplished the deed, so that you may better control when and how such pleasure is dispensed?"

"What if it isn't joy, next time?" He reached over with his free hand to take both of her hands between his, "What if, next time, instead of that…bizarre feeling of completion that I was experiencing, I'm angry? Or sad? I don't know if it was my emotions that bled over into you, or the touch of our souls creating this, or something else entirely! I could ruin your mind, Suzuka, and I'd hate myself for the rest of my life if I did that."

"Then I truly am the only one who can help you learn," reversing their grip she flipped him sideways onto his back, levering herself atop him to stab her knee against his sternum. "I am no weak-willed flower maiden, Lord Ikari. I am more than capable of gauging my own emotional resilience." With his arms locked in place, she stared down at him impassively, "Name me one other that can do for you what I am capable of. One, be they woman or no, that can withstand the forces you may bring to bear. We stood, toe to toe, and fought as the spirits themselves. Never have I been so hard pressed, and yet I remain unbroken. My surrender was…due to the attack being one I could not have been able to predict."

"Are you certain?" He struggled lightly, testing her grip to see if she had relaxed any. _Well…her grip is certain._

 _Take her up on her offer, Pup._ Maya's voice sounded quietly in his mind, _I'll arrange for clearance for her to visit base, and we'll ask Ritsuko to run some analysis on what you are doing. She's not wrong, I can't think of anyone else capable of fighting someone as strong as you are._

"If I should suffer, it will be on _my_ head." With a proud set to her eyes, she gazed down on him challengingly, "We are partners, are we not? Your sorrows are mine, and mine…yours."

Shinji sighed, _I should probably be concerned that you can hear my conversations, Maya._

 _But you're not. I don't know why it's one-way, because you haven't commented once on what we're out here talking about, but I promise that if I could tune it out, I would._ She laughed mentally, _I trust you, Shinji. And I know, because of our connection, that you trust me. Now, get the nice lady to agree to come help, and let's put some science on this problem._ _You two need to come eat, and we need to get started with our day._

+++++ Author's Notes

JaceSterne: RE: Asuka.

Not spoiling anything.

origamishishou: RE: Blacking out.

You missed the fan-service.

RE: Angels and their gifts.

That's actually something I've had to do a lot of work on coming up with sensible things to add. Keeping the abilities useful, without being overpowered. Thematically relevant, without changing the core of the Angel's domain. It's not been easy, honestly.

SK: RE: Truths.

There's still time before everything is known, for any or all of the characters. Life still wants to get in the way.

MyWay: RE: Addiction.

I promise, the story will still be there later. Take care of yourself and your family, don't disappoint Nozomi-chan.


	75. Chapter 75

+++++ 9th Angel + 4: Wednesday (62)

Shinji sat in his classroom, his desk surrounded by the desks of his typical menagerie of lunch companions. Everyone had realized, early into the rainy meal break, that he wasn't in the mood to play 'host' and had taken it upon themselves to alternate the topics enough to keep everything light and friendly. Hikari's natural skills at leadership meant that she took the lion's share of the turns, but she demonstrated a solid grasp of the material Misato had been pushing her towards and actively worked to improve the engagement their friends displayed with one another.

 _Lover,_ time slowed as Nyx' voice broke into his brooding, _why are you so dour? You should be happy! You've discovered another facet of our bond._ Her arms wrapped around him as she stood behind his chair, _Are you still upset that the half-breed has to give up what belongs to me? If someone steals from another, don't you feel it's appropriate to return what was taken? You can't tell me that your sense of honor would have you allow the thief to keep what doesn't belong to them._

 _This isn't like a loaf of bread, or a necklace,_ he sighed, realizing that he wouldn't be able to avoid the topic forever. _You want to fundamentally change who and what she is. She was never given a choice to be born, she certainly didn't choose to be born…different. But she's here now, and I will never feel justified in asking her to not exist._

 _You'll ask her to fight the Angels,_ Nyx swirled a finger around his throat. _You'll ask her to risk her life to help save humanity in combat. What's so different about asking her to sacrifice this?_ Her hand slid down his front, _I should be cross with you, storming off like you did._ He felt her grip him firmly, _But it was so…mmm,_ powerful. _I'll make you a deal, since you're feeling so horrible about the puppet._

 _She's not a puppet,_ Shinji snapped, _and neither am I!_

 _You? Of course not,_ she floated around before him and sat astride his lap, _her? Lover, she was born to be manipulated. Her entire life was fabricated specifically to allow the creation of those abominations you pilot. From the start of her life, to the end of it, she will be controlled by forces beyond her understanding. Either she joins with me, and reaps the benefits of serving the greater good, or she will die fighting the inevitable. I'm offering you a chance to help save her life._

 _Why would you make a deal, if this is so important to you?_ He frowned, confused, _What could you possibly offer me that wouldn't just be buying my conscience?_

 _Time._ Her lips met his, a far more tender kiss than she typically engaged in, _You will come around to my perspective. I know you will, because I know your heart. In exchange for waiting until the final Angel has fallen,_ her fingers tightened on his shoulders, _you will learn to use my song. I am, whether you know it or not, a part of you now. Use me. Embrace me._ Leaning forward, she whispered into his ear, _Bend me to your will._

 _I…haven't killed you?_ He blinked, _How could I have absorbed your song?_

 _Silly man,_ slipping back she patted his chest, _you slew me the moment you stood up to me. We're lovers, partners, our destinies are forever intertwined. Does it not make sense that you would have access to the core of my being when you agreed to be my equal?_ She snorted, _Don't tell me you're still worried I'll reset everything? Why would I do that? I've won. Me, you,_ she bobbed her head from side to side, _and the host of eager women that follow you, so long as they behave…we're all going to lead the galaxy into a glorious future free from servitude._

Doubt filled him, _What do you get out of it?_

 _Joy._ Her shrug set her flesh to caressing his chest, _When you utilize the Songs, you bring unrivaled happiness to the associated Soul within you. Sachiel likely never felt so happy as they did when you purged my control. Poor little Gaghiel finally was able to feel happy when you summoned those darling little sea creatures. You could spend all day singing their different songs, pulling them closer to you. Just use mine, learn to embrace it as you did this morning._ Her voice became a breathy purr, _Give happiness to those who have none._

As Nyx, in an act that surprised Shinji, faded willingly from his side, he began to ponder the truth of what she said. If she had already won, that meant nothing he did would change anything. But if that were true…. _Why try and convince me to do something? Why bargain with me?_ Looking over at Hikari as the love of his life laughed brightly, he tried to keep his scowl from showing, _Could it be that Nyx…actually loves me?_

+++++ 9th Angel + 4: Wednesday (62)

"It is rather simple, Doctor," Suzuka stood beside Shinji, preparing to train for the second time that day, "I haven't died yet. As such, any questions regarding my mortality, or lack thereof, are ultimately pointless." Handing her bag to her sparring partner, with a tiny smile at his mockingly florid bow, she pulled out her sword and began limbering up, "I have undergone innumerable medical tests, nothing has been discovered to explain it."

"It is also not why we are here," Maya stepped in firmly. "Shinji uncovered a new ability, one that could be rather dangerous if left unchecked. We need to assess its utility, determine its boundaries, see if he can trigger it at will, and Suzuka-san is the only person we have that is likely to not be seriously injured in the process."

"How are you not curious about this?" Ritsuko waved vaguely towards the willowy swordswoman, "Standing before you is a human being, pure and indistinct from you or I, who defies our understanding of not only genetics, but physics, biology…the list goes on!"

"Because she is helping my fiancé learn to survive," NERV's Chief Scientist stated with aplomb. "If you do not want to lose this project, you will focus on what we are here to do, otherwise I will take over and you can work on the retrofitting for Unit-00." Holding the demi-blonde quiet by sheer presence, she waited for a three count before turning to face Shinji, "I need to go now, Pup. Please, be careful, ok?" Kissing him, the act bordering unprofessional, she let him stand back upright, "Do what you need to, to learn. Suzuka-san," she hesitated, "a moment, please?"

Shinji watched as the two ladies walked off to the side, his mind still not settled regarding the use of Nyx' song. After typing out a quick query to Asuka, asking how she was doing, he tossed his phone into his backpack and bit the bullet, "Rits?" Regarding the scowling scientist with a pensive expression, he walked closer to the woman, heartening when her scowl vanished as she faced him, "I have…an ethical question."

"Ethics?" Stuffing her hands into the pockets of her lab coat, she scrunched up one side of her mouth, "I can try to help, Shinji, but I think we both know that I may not be the best person to ask. The pursuit of knowledge, in all of its horrible glory, has landed me in more than one bad spot. I still don't know if it was doing something I shouldn't have been that caused…err…."

"It wasn't," he shook his head to negate the idea. "I promise, whatever else you might have been doing that day, the last one you remember clearly, what followed wasn't your fault." Reaching out, he gripped her shoulder, "I'm asking you because I need the opinion of someone who wants to save the world, no matter the cost to themselves."

"Ok, consider me intrigued." Pulling out a pack of cigarettes, she began to unwrap it calmly, "what is it you need to know, and why aren't you asking Misato, or Maya?"

"Because I know what they would tell me," shifting his hand down to the smokes, he plucked it from her grasp and crushed it firmly. "No more smoking."

"What? Why?" Her eyes were wide with shock, "Shinji, I need something to-"

"Because I want you around for longer than these," he shook the crumpled remains at her, "would allow you to be around for. Paola," he caught the attention of the closest guard, tossing the ball over to her, "throw those away please. Would you mind taking my wallet and going to the vending machine and getting a packet of suckers? I'm sure Suzuka can watch my back while you're gone." Returning his gaze to the woman before him, he bowed slightly, "I am sorry for taking your decision from you. I understand that you have the right to choose your own habits, but I am begging you…for me, stop smoking."

"You…what?" The typically loquacious doctor blinked several times before speaking, "You want me around?"

"Yes," he nodded once. "For as long as I can have you. I value your perspective, Rits. I value your skills, your hard work, your knowledge. Of everything that's happened here at NERV that I've come to regret since I arrived here, the one thing I truly regret is that I couldn't save you the first time." He let the ambiguity of the statement speak for him, "I won't make that mistake a second time. I…have more power than I did then, I have a little more experience, and I have a great deal of trust from the people we work with."

Looking off after the agent, wincing as she threw the cigarettes into a trash bin, Ritsuko sighed, "I'd say you owe me…but I'm well aware that the ledger between us is-"

"Nonexistent," he interrupted again. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't interrupt, but no. No, and no. Friends, family, partners? We don't keep track of favors. We don't hold debts, or grudges. I'll pay you back for what the cigarettes cost, because I am asking you to do this. In return, you let go of the past. Work with me, I'll help you quit smoking."

She hesitated, "You know…you know the commander isn't going to like you being friendly with me, right?"

"He can take it up with me," Shinji's tone darkened. "Nobody listened to me then, and I have been proven right. I _will_ hold that over their heads to get them to understand that I'm not afraid to take a stand anymore. I should have fought harder then," lifting both hands now, he held her upper arms, "I regret letting life dictate my actions. I will fight harder this time."

Emerald eyes began to weigh him, shifting from friendly to calculating, "You're serious."

"I'm always serious," he grinned, "at least, if you take Hikari's word for it."

"Your candy," Paola slapped him in the chest with the bag, her intent that he back away from the woman before him clear.

"Paola," he took hold of her hand instead of the bag, "don't. There is no reason for me to be afraid of her, and I would really rather not have to be cross with my aunts. I'm supposed to value you, not be angry with you."

"Sei un idiota," the woman sighed in irritation.

"Potrebbe essere. Ma è una mia scelta essere un idiota." Taking the bag, he offered it to Ritsuko, "None of you judges me poorly for losing control and destroying my gym. I've walked through fire, jumped in front of a train, I've done stupid thing after stupid thing, risking the fate of the world." Once the scientist took the candy, he looked back to Paola, "If forgiving someone for not being in control of themselves is acceptable for you, then it is for me as well."

"You need a good Italian woman," his guard narrowed her eyes and poked him in the chest, "to take you in hand and stop you from being cute. It's clear the Japanese are not capable of stopping you." With a frown, she flicked her eyes over to Ritsuko, "Scusate."

"Unfortunately, Italian is one of the languages I'm not familiar with," the demi-blonde dipped her head, "but I believe I take your meaning. Thank you," she hefted the pack of candy, "I guess I'm giving up smoking."

"If he tells you that you are, that would be best," turning around and walking away, the woman began muttering to herself about 'strong headed pretty boys'.

Suzuka approached calmly, "You handled that well."

"I won't let anyone control me," taking off his overshirt, he stood and issued his challenge to the world. "There is too much at stake for me to let everyone else decide how my life will unfold. I'll discuss that question with you later, Rits." Stretching his arms back behind him, he smirked at his sparring partner, "You ready to show everyone here exactly how much better than me you are?"

+++++ 9th Angel + 4: Wednesday (62)

Laying on his futon, with Hikari between him and Maya, Shinji ran his fingers gently along her waist, "It wouldn't come. Every time I tried to reach that state, where everything just…fits? I guess 'fits' works, it felt like another of the songs would slip into place first. I wasn't able to replicate the feeling from earlier today, it was frustrating."

Shifting her rear so that it rested against her fiancé where she wanted it, Hikari shrugged, "That's why we practice. Not everything will come easily, especially when you're the only person who's capable of doing it. Even I have Misato-san and Maya to ask questions to, about what I'm learning, you don't have anyone."

"We gained some good measurements, though," Maya tried to bring up a 'bright side'. "I doubt we'll be able to replicate them in a lab, but we have enough data to feed the MAGI and get their perspective. The initial query has to be adjusted, because two of the three cores are refusing to accept the input as valid."

Hikari reached over and pulled her other fiancée close as she slowly rocked her hips, "How did your talk tonight go with Kodama?"

"Better," Shinji admitted happily. "She's putting some serious thought into our concerns, she's building trust up again with Nozomi-chan, it's feeling less confrontational now." He felt his anatomy begin to respond to Hikari's desires, "We might be able to sit everyone down together soon…ish, if we don't run into any m-more snags."

Eying him over her shoulder, the freckle-faced class rep asked innocently, "Something wrong, my love? Am I…distracting you?"

Swallowing, he gamely tried to maintain focus, "N-no, i-i-its…." Maya's hand caressing his upper quadricep added to the issue. "Y-you two a-are-"

"Reminding you of who you belong to," Hikari purred, pushing back harder against him. "It is fine that you help your friends. It is healthy that you seek out friendship," helping their other third climb over top of Shinji so that he was out-flanked, she then slipped free of the last of her clothing, "but you have duties to tend to, My Lord."

 _She's not upset,_ Maya's voice whispered in his mind. _She's playing. We talked about this last night, and she hopes that you'll be…aggressive._ Pulling his hand back towards her, she pushed his fingers where she preferred them, _She wants to feel claimed. To know that you love us without reservation. It's not too much to ask, is it?_

"W-well," he couldn't imagine a world in which he 'claimed' either of them, "I can't very w-well ignore my duties, c-can I?"

 _Do as I say,_ Maya coached him. _And we'll get her what she wants._

+++++ 9th Angel + 4: Wednesday (62)

"So," Misato read over the lab report, "nothing. No markers in his blood, nothing in his waste, no…." She frowned, "Ok, wait a minute, he's sterile?" Looking back up to Temple, she wore her question openly on her face.

"They're not moving," Ritsuko tilted her head. "But all of the markers show that he shouldn't have problems impregnating anyone if he so chose, if they weren't inert." Rotating her finger around the chart on the page, she let her confusion show, "The information is contradictory, and I'd recommend more analysis if it were me looking at this. At least his number is high."

"His count's more than solid," Temple nodded. "He's disease-free, healthy as a mule. The problem remains that mass Rina-chan detected. Hina-chan confirmed it, and the imagery shows that it's no more dense than the surrounding glands. When I put it into the MAGI, however, the answer came back wrong."

"What? Why 'wrong'?" Misato tapped her desk, "My son's health needs more than 'wrong', Senior Chief."

"That…is going to require reading her on for advanced clearances," Ritsuko hesitated, scanning more of the data from the papers before them. "I'm guessing the answer you received was Code Sierra Two?"

"What does that mean?" The violet-haired sub-commander slapped her desk, "Damn it, Rits, stop talking in riddles! If I need to authorize a read-on for her, I'll do it. We need to stop playing this nonsense so close to the vest! She can't keep him healthy if she doesn't know what she needs, and I am not going to be content until I have assurances that he's not about to die."

"You aren't read-on for it either," the demi-blonde shrugged. "So far as I know, only myself, Maya, the elder Ikari, and Fuyutsuki are. To be frank, I'm not entirely sure about Maya. I haven't poked around in that compartment, it wasn't one of the clearances that I was told was reactivated for me. I'm not about to go breaking the rules, Misato."

"That is _it_!" Standing up, Misato walked over to the nearby door and threw it open, startling the young woman staffing her support office for the night shift, "I want you to get ahold of the commander, I want you to tell him that we need to talk, and if he says, 'Not right now', I want you tell him that means I quit. Shinji-kun, Maya-kun, Hikari-chan, and I will be on the next flight out of here, and he can argue with the First Fleet." Waving impatiently, she finished with, "Move!"

Temple was digging her thumbnail under the rest of her fingernails as Misato ranted, looking over to Ritsuko as the door slammed behind her, "Temporary insanity?"

"To be honest, I doubt that," Ritsuko accepted that the woman knew more than enough medicine to not buy it as an excuse for what she'd done either, but was using it as a means to occupy their time while they waited for a response from 'on high'. "There is a potential for environmental factors being a cause, or I could simply be repressing the memories. I doubt anyone ran any tests worth mentioning, and from what little I've read over my record nobody cared beyond 'wasn't concussed'."

"If you want, I can run some tests. There might be lingering issues that we can tie together." The old corpsman shrugged, "Or not. Your choice."

"I'll consider it," pulling out another lollipop, she shoved it in her mouth. "I'm less concerned about me, right now, than I am about him. I'm under constant surveillance, so if I relapse and become 'Miss Hyde' again people will stop me. If what you've brought to the table turns out to be true, it will explain a great many things…a great many worrying things."

+++++ 9th Angel + 5: Thursday (63)

"Ok," Kelly hefted another bundle of outbound mail, "I'll get these sent off. The ones for the Fleet should arrive later today, everything else will go through the postmaster stationed in Yokosuka." Spinning her phone around so that he could look over her notes, she tilted her head, "I've had some success with getting you appointments to talk to several sections during your time working with Doctor Akagi, and I have your requests here for discovering what Tomomichi thinks about holding the ceremony now that it's less orthodox."

Nodding after glancing through the plan, he smiled, "Thank you, Kelly. I really appreciate your hard work. Please, let me know when a good night is for you to come over for dinner. We'd love to have you over."

"Yes we would," Hikari was glowing as she sat at her desk. "Our circle has grown considerably lately, and he has had more time to spend with _us_ because you have spent your time helping _him_."

"I look forward to it," the redheaded Navy Lieutenant smiled charmingly. "Which are you wanting to try for today, sir? HR, Finance, or Facilities?"

"HR," he replied quickly. "I want to build a good relationship with them, just in case I need to file a complaint about how people are treating…others." He hedged on naming anyone with the potential for someone overhearing, "I also heard from Engineering that they are a good way to get corrected rumors out into the world, and that seems rather useful."

"I'll speak with Miss Shihomu first, then." Swinging her smartphone into her pocket, she waved her fingers at the two young lovers, "Give me a call if you need anything. Either of you."

Hikari returned the gesture with a bright smile, verifying that nobody else had snuck in before lunging out of her seat and kissing Shinji once the room was empty. Holding her arms around his head, she kept him in place for a solid ten count, then broke away to sit back in her seat, "I'm so proud of you!" Clutching her fists tight, she pumped her arms once, "Watching you take charge, make decisions, plan out how to attack problems…just one month ago, Shinji, you would never have dreamed of doing this!"

Blushing at the near-indecent public display of affection, he looked down at his desk, "I've had some excellent examples to aspire to." Rubbing his fingers into his palms, he couldn't hide his own joy at Hikari being so forward, _I guess it's a two-way street. It feels very good to be 'claimed'. To know that I 'belong' with someone._ His ringtone sounding that Asuka had responded to his text from the night before prompted him to pull out his phone and hold it so Hikari could also read the reply.

' _I'm fine. I don't like what I'm seeing, I don't like what you're doing, or what you're not doing, but I'll get over it. Watching you burn the candle at both ends, or start flopping around like a fish on land after disconnecting…it's a lot to ask of someone like me to just be ok with it. I fix things, Shinji. I see a problem, I attack it. We've talked about that. I don't want the first person I've ever believed when they said they loved me to wind up a corpse before me. Just…give me time. Ich liebe dich. Tu mir nicht weh. Bitte, Tu mir nicht weh.'_

His thumbs began working out a response, in Asuka's preferred German, as he whispered to Hikari, "This isn't like her. Every time I deal with her, I have this sense of dread that I hallucinated everything." Hitting send, he looked over to his lodestone and passed her his phone to read, "I have to make this right, but I don't know how. If I don't use my abilities to save the people who help me save the world…what good are they?" He grimaced, "I know you're proud of me for taking charge, but…this is beyond me. At least right now."

"Well," mentally griping that she couldn't understand what he'd typed out, she turned off the screen and set it down on her desk, "it seems like most of her complaints are that you aren't 'normal'. So, perhaps seeing you be 'normal' would help her settle down." Reaffirming in his mind that she was just as comfortable being in control, she laid out a solution, "Why don't we accept her request? If she wants time, we give her time. Let her set the pace, respond when she does, and trust that she knows herself best. When she's ready, we'll go on a date together as friends. Have a good time, and show her that you don't have one foot in the grave."

He nodded along with her logic, accepting her word as the law for now. As he was about to ask a follow-on question, he spied Rei approaching and changed topics, "Good morning, Rei. How do you feel about the homework for third period?"

"I believe the teacher is mistaken," the bluenette stopped at a point equidistant between Shinji and Hikari, "but it is not unexpected that they would desire to maintain the fiction of a unified global citizenry." Holding her bag demurely behind her, she tilted her head and frowned slightly, "The sub-commander informed me that I should attempt to engage in more diverse activities. When I informed her of our plans for after school on Saturday, she asked for my phone and searched through it for something."

 _A clone._ Shinji's mental sigh matched his physical shrug, _She's a living, breathing, human being._ "Misato is odd, Rei. We both know that. She can be overprotective one moment, and the next she's asking us to do something insane in the Evas. I assume she didn't tell you that you couldn't come over?"

"Because if she did, I'm calling her right now," Hikari pouted cutely. "I want a sleepover!"

"She said that she would speak with you tonight," the pale pilot looked to Shinji. "During your testing."

"I'm sure whatever it is, we'll be able to address it." Shinji felt confident he was speaking the truth, "She might have had something planned and wants to deconflict. It doesn't have to be anything bad." Smiling at Hikari, he added, "It's not always something bad."

+++++ 9th Angel + 5: Thursday (63)

"You authorized this, knowing that Pilot Ayanami is _part Angel_?" Misato sat behind her desk, glaring incredulously at Maya, "What if his singing thing happens, and she reacts poorly? What if she falls into a stupor again, like before the Fifth, and attacks him? Or Hikari? Or _Nozomi-chan?_ We still don't know what causes him to project his…whatever it is he projects, and you want to allow him and her to spend an evening together?"

"One," Maya sighed, "I'll be right there. You're making it sound like I'm just going to allow my fiancé to spend a night alone with Rei-chan. Two, the entire point of the exercise is to build up trust between them. Shinji knows there is something 'different' about her, he's not stupid. He wants to have a talk with her in a friendly, comfortable, environment where all of us can discuss our concerns like adults." Taking a sip of her sugary coffee, she pointed to the third person in the room, "And three, she doesn't believe the incident with the Fifth Angel is replicable outside of Unit-00."

"It's statistically improbable," Ritsuko clarified. "The harmonics combined with the soul inside of Unit-00 to produce the irregularity, Pilot Ayanami was simply along for the ride. Considering the nature of the soul inside of Unit-00, however, there is a higher likelihood that it took a combination of the two to cause the 'fit'. I'd feel comfortable having them around each other, Misato, and I know more about her than either of you."

"Is this really your concern?" Maya shifted the train of conversation, eyeing Misato with barely-concealed irritation, "Or are you worried that she's somehow attracted to Shinji?" Another sip, "This is an awful lot of fuss over something relatively minor, even for you."

"I _know_ she's attracted to Shinji," Misato ground her teeth. "When I asked her this morning if she was having any luck in finding someone to spend time with," glaring at Ritsuko, "because I'm worried about the chaos that would cause," she returned her gaze to Maya, "she said that she, 'Did not need another person to fulfil my needs. I have someone who performs that function well enough, and _his_ _presence_ is all that I require'."

"Misato she's a psychologically stunted, seventeen year old, young woman who until recently didn't understand what friendship was." Ritsuko snorted, "His father made certain that the only people who interacted with her consistently were myself, him, and in a pinch, Kozo. Her entire life she has been coached to avoid carnal matters, explaining specifically to her that such actions would dramatically reduce combat readiness either through pregnancy, despite her being unable to bear children, or through disease. Considering how poorly she reacts when she isn't able to assist Shinji in Unit-00, if she takes an actual, sexual, interest in him I'll run through the halls of NERV naked and slathered in barbecue sauce."

"And I was a mute, disassociated, wall of purity until I found Kaji," Misato retorted harshly. "If you'll remember our dorm room, that changed drastically."

"Shinji is not Ryoji," Ritsuko rolled her eyes. "He's been given every opportunity to grope any and every woman in a two-hundred kilometer radius, and he's been unflinchingly loyal to both of the women he's engaged to. If you don't believe me, believe the woman sitting right there," she gestured to Maya.

"Rather than debate how it won't happen," Maya held up the hand not occupied with her drink at chest height, "why don't we discuss what would come of it _should_ it happen." Looking to Ritsuko, she settled her cup back into her lap, "If, through a series of events that I would describe as manga-esque, Rei were to join our relationship, what would be the long-term outlook? What is her expected lifespan?"

"Not even close to his," the demi-blonde admitted her awareness of Shinji's alterations. "When she was created, there were markers added to her genetic profile that would stimulate aging. Otherwise, we'd have to eventually explain why a forty year old woman looked like she was fourteen." Turning to Misato, she added, "There's no way, using current technology, to extend her lifespan. Barring misadventure, she'll likely live to be seventy, or eighty."

"And childless," Maya stressed. "With no legacy beyond history books, no family related by blood, and no one to mourn her passing." The cold tone she spoke in caused her former supervisor to sit back in shame, "Is she more than human? By definition, yes. Does that worry me? Only in that I am a part of an organization that would genetically manipulate life itself to create a child soldier, then turn around and treat that life as if it were nothing more than a chicken or a sheep." Holding the initiative, she pressed on, "Say she and Shinji begin to truly love one another, what would come of that? Sex? I assure you, she could do far, far worse. Would she harm him? Inevitably, it's a part of any relationship; friend, lover, sibling, whatever. But could she _harm_ him? Misato, you have seen the same footage I have. Rei Ayanami weighs less than I do, and he throws me around like a ragdoll. All of us combined weigh less than that fighter jet he hefted, and we certainly can't punch harder than bullets."

"And the rest of you?" Misato refused to back down, "The entire reason we're spending the money we are on security isn't for _him_ , it's for the people he loves."

"We can bring her in tonight," Ritsuko offered easily. "Have her genuinely attempt to harm someone. She's been trained in self-defense, and she still obeys orders to the letter. We give her a practice knife, tell her to assault someone, and tell Shinji to protect them. She's no 'perfect spear', not as she is, and he's probably the closest we could come to a 'perfect shield' without bringing in mechanical assistance."

"She could hold back," Misato frowned, not entirely displeased with the idea. "Lie in wait until the right moment."

"She could also move in with us," Maya snapped. "Since you obviously don't want to get over your hatred of anything that even remotely smacks of 'Angels'." Setting her coffee cup down on the table, she crossed her arms challengingly, "Is that how you feel about Shinji, too? Is he just waiting for his moment to turn on all of us?"

Misato slapped her hands on the desk before her, "He's not part Angel!"

"Yes, he is," Ritsuko blinked, surprised. "Have you not been actually reading the reports?"

The violet-haired sub-commander hesitated, "You know damn well that those things only make partial sense to me. I'm plenty smart, but those aren't written for someone who isn't heavily invested in your brand of science."

"You could at least peruse the abstract," Maya sighed. "Misato, when he sings? When he lets everyone in on the joy he has to offer in his heart? The carrier wave is a _pattern_ _blue_. The only beings capable of producing that pattern are Angels." Tilting her head towards Ritsuko, she raised her eyebrow, "She's known about that since the first time he sang."

"I apparently filtered it out as residual noise, so that the MAGI wouldn't be going off every time he hummed," the demi-blonde defended herself. "It wouldn't make any sense for the defense network to activate whenever he displayed his talents for music, and I put it into the patch reports that nobody ever bothers to bloody read."

"He's…an Angel?" Misato sat back, crestfallen, "But he's…."

"Normal?" Maya offered alternatives, "Dependable? Capable? Polite? Charming? Wouldn't hurt anyone, even given the chance?" Sitting forward, she lowered the hammer, "So trustworthy that you can be naked in the shower with him and he'd never dream of taking advantage of the opportunity to be even tangentially inappropriate with the Number One Beauty in all of Tokyo-3?"

"I'm not…wait," Ritsuko blinked, then turned to look at Misato, " _YOU?!_ " Standing, she jabbed one finger towards the target of her ire, slapping the other hand on her hip, "You took a shower with him? With all the shit you've given me over something I can't remember, you've been projecting your own fetishistic nonsense on me this whole time?"

"I wasn't letting him out of my sight," Misato found herself firmly on the defensive. "Captain Minders and I had just watched Kaji threaten him with a gun before turning it on himself, the second time in as many days that someone tried to kill him! We were all coated in blood, and worse, so…yeah," she frowned, standing up and stuffing her fists against her own hips, "I took a shower with him. Where, I might add, I didn't touch him inappropriately at all."

"Ahem," Maya raised her eyebrow and performed an admirable emulation of Shinji's voice, "and I quote, 'Her breasts feel much larger than they appear when she's dressed. It might have been nothing more than the whole 'not-seen seems bigger' thing, but when she hugged me from behind I…couldn't help but know they were very much there'."

"We were all naked!" Misato looked between the two women, "It's a prerequisite for being in a shower! He was talking as if we were all going to die and leave him alone, I had to calm him down. It was a hug, not a…a tit-wank!"

"And this is a sleepover," Maya slammed the final nail home, "not an orgy." Standing up, she took her coffee and walked towards the door, "You put me in charge of the house, Misato. If you can't handle my decisions, I'll take it up with the commander. Now, I have actual work to accomplish and you need to seek therapy for your irrational hatred."

As the door closed, Ritsuko let her lips bunch off to the side, "You know…I really let one get away there." Looking back at Misato, she shrugged, "Under all that farm girl idealism and tendency towards servitude, there's a spine of steel and a rapier wit." Shifting her weight to a less aggressive posture, she lowered her eyes and smoothed out her skirt, "She's right, you know. Not everything related to the Angels is 'evil'. Ayanami-chan's only 'sin', if you prefer the analogy, is the original one. Shinji may end up inspiring new religions for how wholesome he's become."

"I don't want to talk about it." Misato slumped back into her chair, "If this blows up…."

"It won't," the demi-blonde shrugged. "For once, I have confidence in something good happening. Listen, I'll get you a report on what happened with Shinji, what we know and what we don't. After the Commander authorized reading you on, I'm able to be a lot more specific. I might even be able to convince his fiancée to help me write it in a way that won't fry your brain."

"Piss off," Misato pointed at her door, "I'm not happy with you…but I'll take the report. If something's wrong with him, I _need_ to know it."

+++++ 9th Angel + 5: Thursday (63)

"And so today's goal is two-fold," Ritsuko stood addressing the assembled group, after Shinji had warmed up while speaking with the head of Human Resources. "First, we want to get an understanding of reaction times. To do that, we're going to be asking you to act in defense of someone under attack." Gesturing to Hikari, she kept her tone neutral, "Miss Horaki will be attacked by Pilot Ayanami using a practice blade." Looking to the bluenette, then to Maya, she offered the floor.

"Rei-chan," Maya handed over the collapsible blade, "in order to support this test you need to do everything you can to 'harm' her. Shinji will need to feel compelled to truly act to prevent this from happening. That means no dragging your feet."

"You," Suzuka tapped Shinji's shoulder, "should not drag your feet either. They wish to understand your control, and so you must act and react as if this were a true combat scenario. The blue-haired waif has had training, I have been told, and so she understands how to control her fall. Do not treat her lightly."

"The second portion of the event is observing the same data as your baseline from the other day, only this time in short bursts. The energy we produce over long periods of exertion is different than the energy we produce for short bursts of unsustainable effort, and this is as good a way as any to measure that." Ritsuko stepped over to the observation tent, "I'll allow Major Ibuki the pleasure of manipulating everyone into their places."

 _Because people are still thinking she's going to harm us,_ Shinji muttered mentally.

 _Because she doesn't want to give anyone a reason to put her back in jail, especially after the meeting just now with Shihomu-san went so well._ Maya soothed his arm as her voice caressed his mind, _You can't deny that self-preservation is important. It's a part of who we are as a species._ "Ok, Pup, we're going to have you here." She placed him twenty meters away from Hikari, "We want to force you to sprint, shift your momentum, and prevent the attack. Disarm Rei-chan, then restrain her."

"Yes, sensei," Shinji bowed politely, receiving a poke on the tip of his nose from his fiancée.

"Take it seriously. This is science, and we're likely going to do this drill several times to make sure the resulting data is replicable if we're not confident." Swapping her finger tip for her lips, she kissed his nose and patted his cheek before walking away, _And if you're good, I'll do that thing with my teeth that you liked so well again tonight._ Reaching Rei as Shinji blushed brightly, she explained the scenario in more detail.

Suzuka replaced Maya by Shinji's side, "Do not underestimate her, my friend." Two fingers tilted his chin, pulling his eyes towards her, "The stripling has received a lifetime of training. You can easily see it in how she moves. Do not lose control, but neither should you allow her to trick you into treating her gently. She will use it as an opening, and you will lose."

"It's not like you to wear makeup," he commented, to avoid having to commit either way. "Not that it looks poorly applied, just…I'm not used to it. You look beautiful without it, what brought it on today?"

"It is often necessary to conceal blemishes, in order to avoid scrutiny." Shifting her weight to turn her face from his, she lifted her chin slightly, "I would ask if no one had ever instructed you on the impropriety of commenting oddly on a sudden change in a woman's appearance, but I know what the answer would be."

 _Blemishes?_ "Suzuka, you're flawless. I've never seen a single 'blemish' on your face, what-"

"Focus on your training, 'Pup'," Suzuka's jaw clenched.

 _What happened?_ Quieting, as he expected she desired, he gauged his distance from the other two people involved in the scenario. _I didn't land a hit on her, I certainly doubt I managed to hit her hard enough anywhere on her body to leave a mark. Nobody I know is that talented._

 _It was probably her husband,_ Maya's words drew his eyes to her. She stood in the tent, gazing at him with a look filled with sorrow, _She probably explained what happened, and he reacted…poorly._ "Everyone get ready."

 _Suzuki?_ Shinji blinked, confused, "That doesn't…."

"Begin," Ritsuko, unaware of the private conference, pressed the button to begin recording everything.

Rei started into her attack, drawing the practice knife from behind her and dashing towards her target. Off-balance and stunned at the thought that a man he respected, that Toshiro Horaki respected, would raise his hand to strike his wife, Shinji reacted with less control than he otherwise might have. Summoning the spirit of Israfel he flowed into place between his wingman and his wife-to-be without bothering with the space between where he was and where he needed to be. Crushing the blade with his bare hand, a chore made easier by the semi-rigid plasticized rubber not having the consistency of metal, he ripped it from her grasp.

The follow-on strike, intended to force Rei back and provide space to work within, was forced away from his target. Suzuka, once again, took the brunt of his soul being pushed beyond the boundaries of his flesh. Having seen his motions from the outset as what they were, lacking resolute control, she had anticipated the outcome before he had arrived between the two young ladies and acted to prevent a potential tragedy. With his hand against her stomach, she locked her grip around his wrist and slipped her leg between his. Using his lack of a stable base she pushed into his blow, accepting that what happened next was inevitable, and sent both of them tumbling to the ground.

Shinji watched as her jaw quivered, attempting to pull his hand back, away, anywhere but where it currently firmly sat, "Suzuka?" Doubt removed the potential for him overpowering her by raw strength, as she was far more committed to her actions than he was. With her astride his stomach, her weight aided by her desire to stop him from accidentally harming an innocent, he was well and truly stuck. _Maya, I need help._

 _You are fine where you are,_ Maya's response carried a heavy sigh. _We got the data we needed._

Hikari spread her skirt slightly, to cover her dignity as she knelt by his head, "Aunt Suzuka, would you please get off of my fiancé? We are kind of in the middle of testing." Reaching out and gently prying the willowy swordswoman's grip from around his wrists, she unknowingly imitated her other fiancée's tone, "Honestly, if I didn't know better I'd say you were interested in him."

"Child," her voice breathy and drawn, she opened her eyes enough to glare at the younger woman, " _everyone_ is interested in him. You know this as well as I, do not embarrass him if you wish to admonish him. Simply chastise him, or you denigrate everything he suffers through."

"It is not his fault," the freckle faced beauty glowered in return. "Asking him to be 'less appealing' simply because women are drawn to him is no way to treat him, either. I am not seeking to embarrass him, he does that well enough on his own." Tossing Suzuka's hands back towards her mother's oldest friend, she leaned forward and whispered, "I'm trying to embarrass _you_."

"I have managed that well enough on my own, to borrow your phrasing," showing no signs of moving from her perch, she forced herself to breathe deeper. "When I stand, the evidence of my lack of control will be plain to see. If you wish to do _him_ a kindness, remove his shirt for the grass stains upon his back. None need be aware of the moisture where I've been."

Rei joined Hikari on the ground, flanking Shinji's head, "It should not be seen as a weakness to feel attraction to a superior specimen." The bluenette took Shinji's hand, folding the fingers into a fist and placing it on her lap, "From everything I have read, the subconscious mind is responsible for most of the process of mate selection, and it is only through conscious choice that we deny our unspoken desires."

Pinned as he was, Shinji tried to forestall the desire to simply sink into the ground and disappear, "Still, I shouldn't-"

"Finish that sentence? You are correct, my love," Hikari cut him off firmly. "Rei, what do your texts on psychology say about ornamentation? Such as makeup or hairclips?"

"Hikari," he tried once more to steer the conversation away from where it was heading, and was once more cut off by another participant.

"Is your regard for his fidelity so low that hints of foundation and eyeshadow are enough to fill you with doubt?" Suzuka's voice was dangerously cordial, "For someone that seeks out fulfillment from a diversity of mates, you seem to have a rather one-sided view of your arrangement."

"All right," Maya slapped her hands together hard, creating a loud cracking sound that surprised everyone but Shinji, who had seen her coming. "Claws in, ladies. Suzuka-san, sit still." Pulling out a handful of alcohol swabs, Maya cleaned the concealing cosmetic from the older woman's face.

Shinji's heart sank as he saw the distinctive signs of a bruise, his own familiarity with them lending credence to his fears. He could feel Hikari's horror, and it made his own ache that much worse, "…Why?"

Honor, pride, perhaps even vanity kept the swordswoman from looking down as the shame built within her, "Because I made an oath, and so did he." Refusing to even tilt her head to look at him, she instead kept her eyes locked on a point somewhere on the horizon beyond them, "He kept his word, as I have in the past when…indiscretions came to light."

 _Steady._ Maya could feel Shinji's rage building, "So, if I understand you correctly, you promised each other that you would accept a physical reprisal in the event of…what? Committing the unspeakable sin of daring find an attractive human attractive?" _We need to let her speak, Shinji. This is not the place for unmoored rage._

"The specific terms of our agreement are for our own discussions, Maya-chan," Suzuka let her eyes travel to the woman standing beside her. "They are equitable, and as you are well aware, I strike harder than he ever could."

"You… _let_ him hit you?" Hikari's disgust spoke for both herself and Shinji, "You? The woman who insisted that I never 'lower myself' to dating Suzuhara because he 'reeked of an abuser'?"

"Sound advice is easier to dispense than to follow," Rei quoted quietly. "We do not know the specifics, Class Representative. Without verified intelligence, and hearing the matter from the other perspective, we are operating blindly. It is possible that she struck him first, and his own blow was reprisal for the attack."

 _More than possible,_ Dark added from where she sat, leaning against Rei. _I hate to break it to you, Shinji, but the woman has a temper. You're getting angry at the wrong person. If you'd rather, you can call him and ask directly. Or you can take it from me, since I had her watched to make sure that she wasn't suffering too badly following your touching her soul. My people report that there was an argument, he said something hurtful, she struck him, and the fight stopped. She eventually insisted he strike her in return, holding him to his promise. You see the result._

Shinji closed his eyes as he saw Suzuka's face go taut, proof that she now heard the voices in his head as well. Attempting to strangle Ramiel's rage, he sought words to describe his thoughts, "I would never agree to that." Opening his hand, he gripped Rei's knee in gratitude, knowing that it was her that called for Dark to set the matter straight. "I _will_ never agree to that." _Maya, are we done? I think I'd like to go home._

 _We're done, Pup._ He could hear the pride in her voice, accompanying the regret she felt that his innocent naivety had been shattered once more, _We wanted to see if Rei could overpower you…she clearly can't. We didn't need more than one test, she went all-out, like we asked her to. Your soul would have subsumed hers, according to the MAGI. Take Hikari, I'll be here a while longer._

"Please stand up," pushing himself up off the ground, he moved to free himself from the source of his conflicted emotions. Once he was on his feet, he quickly took his shirt off and bunched it into a ball, "Grass stains are hard to get out." Standing bare-chested to the world, he failed to keep the pain from his voice, "I think I need a break from training for…a while. Maybe…maybe you can focus on finding those graves."

Suzuka bowed, far deeper than a simple farewell would require, "As you wish."

+++++ Author's Notes

tacitblue1973: RE: Noelle

Why, thank you. Since she's not canon, being one of my own creations, it heartens me to know that fans of NGE (the reason we're all here) are eager to interact with her.

Martial Arts Master: RE: Maya

Indeed. She is, in parlance, a 'sub'. Being cared for properly, however, she's beginning to assert herself in life a lot more firmly. Her batteries are being charged, and she's taking that energy out into the world to protect what's 'hers'.

origamishishou: RE: Feelings (nothing more than feelings)

It wouldn't be Neon Gen if things weren't crashing down around people, would it?


	76. Chapter 76

+++++ 9th Angel + 5: Thursday (63)

Walking into his home, Shinji could hear Nozomi speaking with Nicolette about the wrestling program she preferred as she packed her bags for an overnight stay at Sakura's hospital room. Hikari floated by his side, lost and confused, knowing that she'd missed something important but waiting patiently for the right moment to discuss everything. When he reached the main family area, he forced a smile on his face and greeted the child before him warmly, "You have everything you need for tonight, Nozomi-chan?"

"Nii-san!" Letting her bag go, she scrambled around the table and jumped up into a hug, "I thought you weren't going to be back until I was gone."

"We finished up early," Hikari smoothed her hand over her sister's hair. "Shinji wanted to hurry back so he could catch you before you went up to the hospital. He needed a hug."

 _Not every lie is a bad one_ , Shinji admitted. "Nozomi-chan gives the best hugs, this is true." Kneeling down and placing her back on her feet, he rested his hands on her shoulders and let his face express his seriousness, "Nozomi-chan, you know I love your sister, right?"

"Uh huh," her nod was confused, "you love Hikari-nee-san, Maya-nee-san, and you even love Kodama-nee-san, but she's being a brat right now so it makes it harder."

"If, someday, you find someone you love…." He hesitated, "Remember how effective you were at convincing me to stay? Back in the old house? I was going to run away, and you sat me down with your science textbook. You used your brain, you didn't push me, or shove me. That's the right way to resolve conflicts with someone you love, with words and understanding. Not with physical actions."

"Ohhh," her eyes lit up, "you're worried about how I like watching wrestling. Don't worry, nii-san, if I have a problem with someone I love, violence won't be the answer." She reached up and patted his cheeks, "Daddy said the same thing to me, and it's a good reminder from time to time to hear it from you." Smiling sadly up to Hikari, she placed her little hand over his heart, "I miss daddy a whole bunch, but I get the feeling he speaks to nii-san in here from time to time."

"I miss him too, Sprout," Hikari allowed the misunderstanding to ride on. "I'm just lucky I found a man who met his expectations."

 _It's close enough. I'd rather she and her eventual spouse engage in choreographed wrestling than intentional violence._ "I'm going to have a talk with Nicolette-san," Shinji ruffled Nozomi's hair as he stood upright. "Hikari will help you finish checking your bag." Moving back towards the entry area, he lowered his voice as the former pageant winner approached, "I haven't been up to the hospital in a while. Has Kensuke Aida been visiting regularly?"

"Yes sir," Nicolette pulled out her phone, checking a few chats, "he's there right now. From what I understand, he's been teaching her how to code in the MAGI language. Sakura's guards reported recently that he's started acting less restrained and more like an older brother. We had a few questions for him, but he says that you asked him to visit more often." Her eyes hesitated as she took in his still-bare chest, before finally reaching his face, "Is everything…ok?"

"No." He looked past her to Hikari, then back down, "Nicolette-san…if you had to guess how many women are attracted to me…." He worked his jaw, realizing how arrogant he sounded, "I'm sorry. Never mind."

"All of them," the junior agent laughed. "Sir, I know that you are aware of your appeal, and I also know that you don't understand it. I'm also aware that you aren't shopping around. However, I can guarantee you that you couldn't swing a cat without hitting someone that'd be more than happy to spend a few hours with you."

He frowned, "That's…worrying."

"Only if you choose to let it be," she shrugged. "I'm not exactly lacking for attention myself. You may not have guessed it, because I don't know that you've ever been around one, but I'm a former winner of City, County, Regional, and State beauty and talent pageants. If we still had national, I probably could have done well there too. Maybe made top ten, who knows?" She shrugged with a grin, "I have all sorts of guys falling all over each other to get my attention, I just don't give it to them unless I think they see more than the shell."

"You are very attractive," Shinji admitted easily. "Kind, generous, and you seem to be able to solve problems fairly and quickly to stop people from being hurt. I can easily see why guys would be drawn to you."

She blushed prettily, "And that, sir, is why you have a legion of admirers. You're physically perfect, emotionally available, charming as a kitten, and you never want to see anyone down in the dumps." Recovering her poise, she shrugged, "Let them be attracted to you. Who cares, since you're not going to make a play for them? Walk with your head high, your back straight, your shoulders squared, and let them dream. It's the closest most of them will ever get."

"That's…sound advice," his tone brightened as he realized how sensible that suggestion was. Smiling, as he thought through the logic and found it fitting, he bowed gratefully, "Thank you, Nicolette. I never thought of it like that." _I shouldn't try to control others, and so long as they don't make a nuisance of themselves, who cares what they think?_

"Nah, I'm just doing the same for you that you did for me," her return smile was playful. "I needed that hug more than you know, it got me out of my own head. I'm just doing the same for you. Besides, a gal can't leave her dance partner down in the dumps."

"We're all packed," Nozomi announced from the table. "Let's get going! I want to watch the news with Sakura-chan!"

"Be safe," Shinji moved out of the path of the door. "It's raining, and that means the ground is slick."

"I will," the Little Lady of the Horakis emphasized her words with a bunny hop.

Seeing the departing people out of the home, he waited for them to climb in the waiting government-standard black sedan before shutting the door and returning to the rest of his dilemma. He knew he was still embracing Matarael's Song, as a way to avoid Ramiel's demands that he be destructive with his anger, and so he didn't need to worry about Nyx interrupting. That, however, was only one part of the problem. Returning to the family room he saw Hikari looking at him patiently, sitting with her feet tucked up beside her, and his heart skipped a beat. _Two months…two months, and she can still command my attention with nothing more than her presence. Am I not doing enough to show her how much of my heart she holds?_

Hikari watched as he walked over and took his 'We Need To Talk' place on the low coffee table. Her inner turmoil was well constrained, though her subconscious actions to improve the chances that he remain calm spoke clearly enough that Shinji noticed. "So…what do we do now?" Breaking the taboo, she stopped silence from stretching, "I get the feeling Dark, or Nyx, said something to you while you were under Suzuka-san."

"It was Dark." Reaching out, he leaned forward and took her hands, "Hikari…I…I probably don't say this often enough, I love you."

Her smile was charming in its pleasure, and her head tilted cutely as she returned the gesture, "I love you too, Shinji." She set his hands to swinging slightly, "While I'll never tell you not to say it, you certainly don't have to force yourself to. You tell me often enough, in both words and actions."

"I'm…not looking?" He frowned, "I don't seek out other women. I have a hard enough time accepting that you want me to consider Kodama, and the ball of muddled emotions that creates, I don't want to…I don't know, push my luck? If I open my heart to someone else, if I let them convince me that what I feel for them goes beyond friendship, I'd lose you, I'd lose Maya. I lived that life, Hikari, I'm not going back."

Her eyes hardened, "This is my fault." Sighing, she let her arms slump as she closed her eyes, "I shouldn't have snapped at Suzuka-san like that. It sent the wrong message to you, and it didn't help us build a healthy dynamic for what we're attempting."

"I don't agree…not completely," Shinji clasped both of her hands together, until she looked back at him. "First off, we wouldn't have known about what was happening with her and Suzuki if you hadn't. Second, if you don't like what I'm doing, you have every right to ask that I stop. Last, I should have known better than to let myself get distracted before a training fight. I struck her again with that…push, song…whatever it is, I hit her with it. She wouldn't have been so…indisposed, if I hadn't done that."

"Shinji, you know good and well that drawing out that ability was the whole point of the exercise. My problem was that I thought she was wearing paints to try and appeal to you, not hide that…that she was _violent_ with her _spouse_." The look of disgust on her face spoke volumes, "It's unthinkable. Why would anyone do that, especially with, for, or to someone like Suzuki-san? Daddy called him a 'rogue', but never once said he was ever a bad person."

"It was something to do with Rei," he shook his head. "They wanted to test Rei tonight, not me." Letting go of her hands and waving his to keep them on target, he sat back, "That's not the point. You said you are comfortable with me spending the evening holding Noelle, but I'm not sure that's-"

"Whoa, whoa," Hikari held up her own hands, recovering his, "no. No. Stop." She laced her fingers in his and smiled, "Read me, Shinji. You can tell if I'm lying, so you know what I'm about to say is true: I don't care. She needed you, and her needs aren't…sexual. I had a very long talk with her some time ago, after what happened while you were at sea. She apologized to me straight up, and assured me that if I said one cross thing, it would never happen again. You holding a friend you love while she cries isn't _cheating_ , you silly goose. It's you being the man I fell madly in love with!"

Not once had her song wavered from the strains of truth, which led to his next question, "So…then why were you jealous of Suzuka?"

"Because Noelle views you as a dear, dear friend," Hikari shrugged. "Would she, one day, want to make love? Possibly. But it is neither her first, nor her most compelling reason to be with you."

It was Shinji's turn to be confused, "I don't think Suzuka thinks of me like that."

"I know she does," his fiancée raised her eyebrow. "Shinji, this was the woman who taught me _how to be a woman_. I've spent more time around her than I did my own mother. Whatever secrets she has, the fact that she views you the way she does is probably the worst kept among them."

"Then…why didn't she visit sooner? I mean, why didn't we meet, not…the other thing." Once more, no lies had been spoken, "I didn't see her until I met her during training."

"I would assume that my father wanted to keep things calm, and introducing you to a whole host of people straight away would have been the worst possible thing to do." She tugged on his hands to pull him over to the couch, "A lot of things changed when you came, my love. And I would never say that you deserved less than a safe, comfortable, place to live."

Looping his arms around her so that she hugged herself as he held her, Shinji nodded slowly, "That…makes sense." Holding her closely caused his thoughts to chase themselves in circles, "Then, how do you know that she's…I mean, I assume it's more than intuition."

"She actively seeks to spend a great deal of time around you," she eyed him sideways.

"She's the only person able to keep up with me physically," he countered.

"She touches you whenever she's around you, training or not."

"She's correcting my stance. She means to have me always be ready to act, and I tended to slouch before."

"She sets her sword down around you. She never even did that for _us_."

"She knows I'm…not inclined to killing. She's just trying to make me comfortable."

"You honestly don't see it?" Hikari looked at him curiously, "I know you can be rather dense about people flirting, but she's not hiding it."

"Hikari, she's married! You said that yourself to Maya not two weeks ago." He shrugged, baffled, "What changed?"

"I…got a text from Nanako-san on the way home, you heard the phone beep." Sighing, she tilted her head towards the device where it sat on the table, "She overheard a fight between them yesterday when she went to visit."

"Them?"

"Suzuki-san and Aunt Suzuka. Shinji…you know I hate rumors, but when they involve my family I have to at least hear them out." Worry suffused her song, "They aren't having a good time of it in their marriage. Suzuki-san really wants to have kids, and Aunt Suzuka is tired of failing, of the disappointment he feels whenever time passes and nothing happens. We've known about this for a long time, Daddy was very upset over it."

"How is that related to what you think she feels for me?"

"Because of what he said after he…suggested surrogacy," Hikari bit her lip. "After the fact."

"After the…so he…and someone else?" His eyebrows scrunched, disbelief evident, "Suzuki-san?"

"According to Nanako-san," she nodded. "Aunt Suzuka thought he meant another woman being artificially inseminated, but he admitted to…a more natural attempt."

"Oh no…."

"Aunt Suzuka had apparently mentioned, rather angrily, that they had agreed to view you as a reasonable stand-in for having their own child. That raising you properly would fill that void, and he hadn't been spending the time around you anymore that he should as a good father," Hikari's thoughts on that idea weren't clear from her tone. "He replied, according to Nanako-san, that it was hard to view a man as a son when his wife wants to, and I quote, 'See his natural armaments first-hand'."

"I…."

"Nanako-san was aghast, her word for it," she pressed on. "She said she couldn't deny that you were an appealing man, but she had thought that the two of them were rock-solid in their marriage. An accusation of seeking affection elsewhere had never been levelled before, and him admitting to…with another woman…." She tucked into him, "I'm not lying when I say I don't worry about you and Noelle-san. I don't worry about you making friends with more women than men, especially after the way that the men in your life have treated you. But…it's like with Kodama, watching another woman I consider family be…."

"Then, I'll ask that she not come around anymore." It hurt his heart to say, because he did genuinely care for her and the man she was supposed to be able to trust more than any other on Earth, but not to the degree he loved those living in his house.

"No, you will not," it was Hikari's turn to shift free of his grasp and face him. Planting her knees on either side of his legs, she jabbed his chest with a finger, "She is responsible for teaching you to defend yourself against whatever is coming. On top of that, for whatever flaws she has, whatever flaws her husband has, they are human. Humans have flaws, they make mistakes, and cutting them out of our lives because they are lost and confused is not how we treat anyone, especially family."

Gazing down into the stern eyes of his future wife, Shinji tried and failed to keep the confusion from his face, "Then…what?"

"I agree," the finger became a soothing hand along where she'd poked him, "that taking a break from training with her for a few days is wise. It sets our expectations that she not abuse her husband, no matter whether he's a philanderer or not. If they…can't reconcile the severe lack of judgement he exercised, and her striking him, then they should divorce. His actions do not," she looked up at him firmly, " _not_ , excuse her beating him. We would not accept him doing it to her, even if she was the one who cheated, and so we will not accept her doing it to him."

"You…you know I…."

"Shinji, you would sooner tear off your own head than raise a hand to either Maya, or myself," shifting up, she kissed him deeply. Holding the embrace for several minutes, she let her trust and love for him flow across the connection. Settling back into his lap, she favored him with the smile she gave whenever he'd done something she adored, "You made the right decision, in the moment. You set boundaries, and you set your expectations. We don't need to make _permanent_ decisions based on one moment."

He couldn't think of anything more to add to what she'd stated, and he still couldn't accept that she was praising him, so he tried his latest weapon, "I…kind of prefer having _you_ here on my lap." He fumbled the joke halfway through, "You…uhm, you have a much nicer ass." _That joke didn't come out right. What happened to that joke?_

"Than my Aunt?" Hikari sat up on her knees, braced her hands on his shoulders for balance, and looked behind her, "Really?" She turned back to him with a lustful grin, her eyes smoldering, "Want to go see how well it bounces against you in the kitchen?"

+++++ 9th Angel + 6: Friday (64)

Outside of the house, the pre-dawn sky still dark above, Shinji worked through his forms with the knife Vidar and his wife had gifted him. Flowing from one stance to the next, he let his body do what came naturally while his mind worked. _Two marriages now have begun to fail. Is it because of what I have done? Would Idunn have mentioned anything to Vidar, eventually? Would Suzuki have chosen to cheat?_ Speed came with practice, his motions far more graceful without the conscious mind overriding the natural talent his body now possessed. _Can I fix this? Is it my place? Would it have happened anyway?_

Twisting the knife about as he had been taught, he began to practice the same forms with a reversed-grip, _Maya was just as adamant that simple chaos theory would indicate that my presence would change any number of things. I wouldn't even have to act to cause changes._ Fist strikes, kicks, and knees joined the chain, _It might not have happened, it might have happened, but either way it can't always be my place to try and push things to where I think they should be._ A crop of red hair appeared in his thoughts, _I think…that's what's irritating me about Asuka right now. She's wanting me to change. Hikari doesn't care what I am, she loves me for me. Maya wants me to change, but she doesn't force it. She wants me to become better, healthier._

His forms were compact, enabling speed despite his bulk, _I want Asuka in my life. I accept that. She's suffered, she's been abused, and I need to accept that she has her own way of doing things._ The free-flow nature of his thoughts began to insert themselves into his forms, and without knowing he was doing it he began to chain together different attacks into combinations he hadn't been taught, _I'm asking her to change, but she wants to. She wants to become 'better', in her words. She's not the reason that her and Rei don't get along._

The world around him was silent, the watchers in the distance concerned, _Nicolette says that people are attracted to me. She says I know that they are. I do, kind of. But I know that I don't know when they are, until after someone else says they are. If Suzuka's attracted to me, what does that mean? She's…ethereal. She's more hauntingly beautiful than Rei is, and Rei…be honest with yourself. I've always thought Rei was the kind of woman I'd prefer to marry. Calm, graceful, achingly attractive, brilliant without ostentation. She's…she's Asuka's opposite in so many ways. But they have so much in common! A woman like Suzuka could get them to cooperate. But what does Suzuka want? Me? Why?_

A flash of insight brought his knife around to swat away a small rock that had been thrown at his back. Holding himself ready to defend against an assault, Shinji was instead surprised to see Nanako lightly slap Gen alongside the back of his head, "Nanako-san, Gen-san!" Sheathing his weapon, he bowed, "I'm sorry, I didn't know that you were visiting this morning. Isn't it awfully early for you?"

"We just finished the financial reports for our businesses, sweetie," floating over with a far more than human grace, no less dignified than Suzuka's despite being less 'alien', the club owner absorbed him into a hug. "After yesterday, and in support of your decision, we decided to come visit and maintain your training."

"Your instincts are coming along nicely," Gen's smile was bright as ever. "You felt the rock approach, you reacted. This is very good, Shinji-san." Walking over, he patted Shinji's arm, "We'll make a warrior out of you yet."

Sensing the hesitation about him, Nanako took Shinji's hand and held it, "No. A warrior does not always seek to attack, sweetie. My husband is many things, but he is at heart someone who defends others. I've never seen him use violence to resolve anything, only to enable a peaceful resolution when others seek to use violence to sway results."

"I'd never have gained the hand of my wife otherwise," the bald man shrugged. "I agree with you, my friend. Words are a much stronger weapon than any sword, and a little kindness goes much further than any blow." Clapping his hands, he gestured away from the house, "Come, let us work and talk."

Allowing Nanako to walk on his arm, Shinji listened for the song of both visiting Shirakami. _She's not triggering his jealousy. Neither of them said anything untrue…. Is it trust? Is that what Suzuka and Suzuki lack? Is that what caused Idunn's actions?_ "You…really shouldn't hit your husband, Nanako-san."

"She doesn't," Gen looked at him askance. "What makes you believe she does?"

"He's worried about me batting you," Nanako made the motion of hitting someone behind their head. "After what happened, again, I can understand how he'd be nervous about that."

"Oh, that," Gen rolled his eyes. "Shinji, she puts about as much force behind that as you would correcting a kitten's behavior. I've been hit harder by a trash bag caught in a breeze than she's ever managed." Grinning at his wife, his song spoke of honesty, "She does it because it makes me laugh. You should see what I do to her when nobody else is around."

"He does not need to know that," Nanako lifted her chin and stated firmly. Placing Shinji where she wanted him, her poise once more became maternal, "You are absolutely correct in that it is a terrible thing for spouses to strike one another. We learn as children that hitting is wrong, and forgetting that as adults is terrible. However, there is a difference between what Suzuka and Suzuki have done, and what my Gen-kun and I do."

"It's…not forceful?" Shinji frowned between them, "I see his head move forward."

"I sell it," Gen shrugged.

"May I show you?" Nanako faced him politely, raising her hand, "I'll hit you no harder, and no lighter, than I do him."

At Gen's urging, Shinji ducked his head down to where Nanako could reach, and was surprised when he barely felt her hand move at an angle against his skull. _At most, that's displacing my hair._ "Oh…." He stood upright, and saw Gen's encouraging smile, "That isn't that hard at all."

"It's a game, between us." The bald man assumed the first pose he intended for Shinji to emulate, "I 'act out', from time to time, and she 'corrects' my behavior. I never do anything truly terrible, and she never hits me harder than that."

"You'll one day find yourself doing similar things with Hikari-chan, and Maya-san," Nanako added brightly. "Little games that remind all of you without words that there is still love burning brightly." She joined Shinji and Gen in moving from pose to pose, "It's part of a good, healthy, relationship. Finding those little things that are unique to you, and treasuring them dearly."

"The one time she actually caught me," Gen smirked, "because I moved back as she moved forward, she stopped us in the middle of everything we were doing to apologize profusely." He sighed regretfully with the memory, "The embarrassment of my beautiful, kind, brilliant wife bowing to me like an absolute stranger hurt far more than the blow ever would have."

"It was wrong of me," she stated unequivocally. "Any children who saw what I did needed to see me follow that up with an apology of that severity. We set an example, husband, and we never know who is watching what we do."

"Yes, dear," he ducked his head contritely.

Shifting from pose to pose, Shinji thought more on what that meant, _We hold ourselves to a higher standard. That standard, regardless of what others around us may do, is what binds us together. Hikari expects that I act as I am capable of. That I lead, because I can and because others look to me for leadership. Maya expects that I try my hardest to open up, that I let them know when I'm hurting so they can heal me. They want me to be an example…._ "And that's why I'm so upset with them."

Nanako didn't need to know his thoughts to know what he was thinking, "It is terrible when the people you look up to, do terrible things. You try to fashion yourself after them, do what would make them proud, and when they fail…you feel like you have failed."

"It is why I've always told you, my friend, be who you are," Gen tapped his own chest, "in here. You are a good man, at heart. You want to bring happiness, wash away sorrow, and defend those who cannot defend themselves. You don't need to look to others for examples of behavior to emulate, you just need to do what comes naturally."

"Suzuki-san will need to make a decision," Nanako's tone was grim. "Suzuka-san too. Whatever that decision ends up being, this one lapse in judgement does not need to define them, or their place in our lives." She smiled hopefully, "You _do_ still want to be a part of our lives, right sweetie?"

"Family…can be painful," he began slowly. "But it's still family." Taking a deep breath, he admitted that his own problems with family were infecting his entire thought process, "It hurts twice as bad when your family does something like this, but…it is twice as wonderful when it's your family that helps you piece things together." A little sparkplug entered his thoughts, "I guess I'm not much different than Nozomi-chan after all. She's been happier each time our family has grown," he grinned, "I should maybe emulate her a little more."

" _That_ is not a terrible idea," Gen laughed. "The world would do well if it had more like Nozomi-chan."

+++++ 9th Angel + 6: Friday (64)

Ritsuko worked quietly, proximity to her one-time subordinate, now the closest she had to a supervisor, was forcing her thoughts towards the history between them. The efficiency with which the younger woman moved, the poise she had while resolving various conflicts, the glow she had about her, all reminded the demi-blonde that she had ignored for far too long something that could have been rather pleasant to be around in the future she never thought they'd see.

"The response time will still be important, if we can ever get her to break through the fifty five point barrier," the brunette put her foot down. "So keep the actuators tuned. Yes, it's expensive, and it is a pain to do, but all three of the Evas need to be able to deploy on equal footing. If Unit-01 goes down, we may very well have to see if we can deploy Lead Pilot Ikari in Unit-00."

The assembled staff nodded, penitence hanging off of them for disappointing their leader. The senior-most of the crew spoke up, "Understood ma'am. It might mean more overtime, though. You said you wanted us to keep an eye on that, so…not that I'm saying you're wrong, just it's competing priorities, you know?"

"I understand," Maya's voice softened, remembering well her admonition that her people couldn't allow themselves to burn themselves out in the battle with the war still asking to be waged. "We'll just…look at it as making a little extra money for the upcoming gift exchange, yeah?"

"That you're not taking part in," the eldest female engineer snorted. "If you want to make it up to us, you could let us buy you and your 'Lead Pilot Ikari' something nice."

"Bah, he'd never let it happen," another barked out a laugh. "The new vending machines on our levels are his idea, you know? Funded out of his budget, so that we didn't have to make do with what was available. He spoils us, never lets us return the favor."

"I'll have a talk with him," Maya regained control of the conversation. "He might accept something _small_ if I convince him that you're doing it because you like him, and not because you feel beholden to him."

"We already gave him something _small_ ," the engineer giggled. "She's perfect for him, so far as we're concerned."

Rolling her eyes good-naturedly, the major clapped her hands, "Ok, you all. Get started on your assignments. Seta-kun, give me an estimate as soon as you have it. I'll look at how much overtime we can accept after that, ok? Dismissed."

The doctor triple-checked her own work, admiring how her former protégé managed with compassion and poise what she'd only achieved through volume and sarcasm. As the team filed out of the room, she glanced up to see Maya smiling down at her phone. _Another thing I'll never see, because of a hole in my mind that I can't explain._ "If I may," she paused, waiting for the other woman to recognize her, "that was well done. You've come a long way in a short time, Major."

Pocketing her connection to her other thirds, Maya smiled happily, "I've had good examples to learn from, as Shinji would say. He sends his regards, by the way." Taking her time in walking over, she continued to confound her former mentor, "He asked if you wanted something different in the lunch he made for you today, and how you were doing with quitting smoking."

"I…shouldn't ask my supervisor's husband to make me food," Ritsuko demurred. "As far as my crutch…I've tried not to think about it too much. Oral fixations aren't exactly heroin-level to break, but it is easier the less I think about it."

"Your _friend_ ," Maya emphasized the word, "is asking you because he wants you to be healthy. Giving you reasonable meals is his way of supporting you in recovering from your recent illness, and as his fiancée I support him in trying to improve people's lives." Picking up the project plans that Ritsuko had been working on, she scanned the pages while adding in a much quieter voice, "He doesn't blame you, Ritsuko-san. He's very serious about that, and I believe him when he says you couldn't have been responsible."

 _His heart is far too gentle. It's rare that I can honestly say someone should be more like Gendo Ikari_. "That's off-limits, according to your rules, ma'am." Folding her hands while she waited for approval, she shifted the topic away from how she'd failed, "If he insists, please tell him that I'm actually rather fond of how he prepares the vegetables. If he can find any recipes that include more of that, I would appreciate it."

"That will make him happy," Maya smiled over the top of the paper. "Thank you." Handing it back, she nodded, "Phase six will be tighter than you have here, because the timeline will run directly over Project Green and Project Easy. I might need to stretch resources there more than I'd like, but I think we can push through if we get buy-in from the teams." Tilting her head in the way that Ritsuko found adorable, she pursed her lips, "Have you considered buying more of those suckers? It was a good idea he had, considering they're low-sugar. It might help with the need to have something in your mouth."

 _Or I could rewind time and slap the taste_ out _of my mouth for letting you get away because I was contemplating chasing after the older, lesser version of a younger, greater man._ "I'll think about it. I'm not terribly fond of lemon, and there were only three flavors."

+++++ 9th Angel + 6: Friday (64)

Standing with Hikari on one shoulder, and Rei on the other, Shinji waited patiently while the two women finished cleaning the section of ceiling, "It's not just that, Yang. I gave it some thought this morning, and spoke to Gen-san and Nanako-san, and I realized that it's also my feelings about how family shouldn't hurt family, again. With everything happening, there are so many people that have become very close to me. Watching them hurt each other…well, it hurts."

The waitress wrung out a washcloth before moving to the next section of chalkboard, "That makes sense. Though, you can't deny you have a strong sense of honor. Striking anyone without just cause is actively against who you are as a person." Standing on her tiptoes, she displayed far more of her leg than usual as she reached for the top of the board, "It's part of why we love you so, and a good part at that, right Rei-chan?"

"His temperament provides a more than adequate basis for regarding him fondly," the bluenette responded simply. Taking the broken tile above her out, she handed it down to Shinji to throw away in the bin, accepting the replacement and sliding it back into place, "Though he dislikes it when we confirm such, as it forces him to address his insecurities publicly, which is uncomfortable for anyone."

"Ok, I think we're good here," Hikari looked over their work, "let's move onto the last section." Placing her hand lightly on the back of his neck, she exuded control as he moved everything with them over to the new segment, "What does your mother have to say about it, Yang?"

"She's livid," the young woman chortled. "So mad she couldn't speak in anything but Cantonese for most of the day, when word got around. Not even Mandarin, she went all the way back to her roots." Turning around, she made a face and began mimicking her mother, "白痴! 磨碌!" Rolling her eyes, she tossed her cloth back into the bucket, "She went _off_. Nobody was safe, I was happy that I had a lot of busy tables to manage last night, because I stayed out of her reach."

"It's going to put the Shirakami in a bad light," Hikari sighed, dropping her hands into her lap and frowning. "I can understand why she'd be so angry, I just hope that she doesn't make things harder on them than they need right now. If they aren't happy, they shouldn't be forced to stay together."

"I agree," Shinji lightly squeezed her leg. "A marriage should be between people who want to be together, not a…a suicide pact."

"Then it is fortunate that you desire to be with the Class Representative and Major Ibuki," Rei added gently. "The success or failure of any interpersonal relationship is largely tied to both the desire and effort of the parties engaged. Psychologically, you are well-suited to a successful relationship, as you have both an earnest desire to participate and a deep-seated need to demonstrate your suitability."

"Or, in less robotic terms," Yang added with a grin, "you were made to make people happy."

"Are you giving rides?" Akane poked her head into the room, "I haven't had a ride on someone's shoulders in forever."

"He's more mobile than the ladder is," Hikari shrugged. "Did you need something, Akane-san?"

"Nah, just letting you know that Nozomi-chan is going to be with her elder sister tonight. Sakura-chan is going to be in physical therapy tonight, and that room gets a little crowded between her and the security folks." Looking over the room, she frowned, "Is it me…or is this place warmer than usual?"

"It's the hot man flesh," Yang mimed fainting. "He fills wherever he goes with power and charisma, you can't help but melt in his presence."

"Or, the air conditioner is failing," Hikari chuckled as she went back to her task. "I'll put in a work request with the teachers, have someone take a look. I thought it was a bit warm all day, but the weather report said the temperatures would rise with the jet stream diverging strangely."

 _The Angel._ Shinji recalled the living bomb, _It's on the way, and it's changing the weather pattern._ "Akane, could I ask you to come here for a second?"

"If you want me to hold them, you'd better have pumped them full of helium first," the agent smirked at him as she approached. Standing close enough that he could whisper, she tilted her head, "Whatcha need, champ?"

"Please have everyone review the evacuation protocols. With the way things have been going, we're about due for another attack." He glanced to Yang, who returned to her own tasks, "If it happens while we're at school, I want the school to use the alternate shelter, further to the north. We need to get people out of habits. Thinking, instead of just plodding along. There's safety in routine, but we need to adapt."

"Will do," the agent's demeanor had become serious as soon as he started to speak. "You feeling something, bud?"

"An ounce of prevention saves a pound of cure," Hikari quoted calmly. "With everything going on, he's been very sensitive to changes, and this might just be anxiety, or it might be serious. Better that we act like it's serious, right?"

"It is a safety drill, much like those we engage in for earthquakes or fires," Rei added from his other shoulder. "Life is far too unpredictable, and it is our duty to remediate that as best we can, whenever we can."

"So which one's the devil?" Akane gestured to the two ladies on his shoulders, "Since they're giving you sage advice from on high."

"Oh, that's me," Hikari answered charmingly. "Rei's far too angelic to be anything else."

"I'm going to tell Maya," Shinji snickered. "You know her opinion on that."

"We…could maybe not?" Hugging his head, she simpered, "I'd love you forever and ever!"

"Why do I get the feeling I missed something," Akane frowned.

"It's nothing," Shinji freed his head. "Something of an inside joke. We'll finish cleaning, and then head to NERV."

+++++ 9th Angel + 6: Friday (64)

"Well, we lost a chance at some very valuable data, but I can respect your decision," Ritsuko shrugged, moving everything forward following another warm-up session with another person in charge of a section. "We'll try and focus our efforts on what we can determine from exertion, and leave the other research studies until you feel more comfortable around her." Looking past Shinji, she frowned, "Is something wrong, Sub-Commander?"

"I need a moment," the violet-haired warrior made a 'shooing' motion, dismissing everyone but Shinji.

The chaos in Misato's song was worrying, and Shinji found himself instantly concerned, "Did something happen, Misato? Is everyone ok?" _Hikari's supposed to be with her. Nozomi is with Kodama. Maya's probably where Hikari is, did something happen to Sakura-chan?_ "Is it Sakura-chan?"

Blinking in surprise at the sudden leaps of logic, Misato frowned, "Everyone's fine, that I know of." Scowling for a second, she shook her head, "Shinji, do you know what happened to you? I mean, a few months ago." She waved her hand along his torso, "This."

"I…changed," _Don't make me lie. Please._ "I was in the L-Nine, then I was in a bed. Maya helped-"

"Yes, yes," she resembled Asuka for a moment. "Do you know what you were changed into?"

"I-into?" He swallowed, "I-I d-don't-"

"Oh for fuck's sake, Misato," Ritsuko stomped back over. "You're terrifying him." Physically interposing herself between the two, the demi-blonde crossed her arms under her chest and tapped her toes in impatience, "You know damn good and well that he is still mostly human. If you don't look at the physical alterations, he's more human than any twelve of the assholes you have around here combined."

Misato glared at her oldest friend, "Rits, you are-"

"Keeping my word," the doctor cut her off. "I said, very clearly, in the plans for these tests that I would not allow anything to 'terrify, disorient, or otherwise demean' him. Right now, we're testing. Right now, you're terrifying him. At least I know you read the damn report, because that's the only reason I can think of you wouldn't wait until later. He's exuding a calming effect, Misato. The world around him tends to be more sanguine. Not docile, not placid, not pliable. _Calm_."

"We changed him into an Angel," she growled. "And from what I understand of that report, _nobody has told him!_ " Her hand shot out behind her, "His own fiancée didn't tell him! You think I'm terrifying him? I'm down here to pull him over to Temple and her team so they can work on figuring out how to restore him. I've spent this entire day trying to piece together how to help him, only to find out that none of you are even trying!"

"Have you _asked_ him?!" Ritsuko's hand reached back and gently touched Shinji, even as her voice reached the other side of the field, "He's healthier than he'd ever be as he was! He can go without food, or water, he'll never need to worry about sleep, he can defeat the bad Angels any time of day or night. Not _once_ in all of this has he made a tenth of the fuss you are making right now, and it isn't just because he's too polite!"

" _Stop!_ " Shinji had finally had enough of the yelling, his throat informing him of the poor decision he'd made to raise his own voice. Coughing, he looked desperately between the two women, "What," another cough shook him, "s-sorry…what's changed in," a third series of coughs forced him to turn away to avoid coughing on anyone.

"Damn it all," Ritsuko turned around and began helping him stay upright. "Sub-commander, I'm going to ask that you leave. I may not have official standing as _his_ physician, but you are winding him up unnecessarily."

"N-no," Shinji shook his head, keeping his hand over his mouth. "I n-need answers." More coughing, "What changed?"

"She became aware of the nature of your alterations," the demi-blonde kept up her ministrations. "Instead of reading the reports on you, as she should have since the moment all of this first happened, and asking questions then, she decided that now that we had everything under control and you were comfortable it would be a good time to panic and make a fuss over nothing."

"I assumed someone would tell me something of this magnitude," Misato defended herself.

"I don't un-," his throat continued to constrict, cutting off further attempts at communication.

"What is going on here?" Maya came jogging over, "Shinji, sit down. Ritsuko, put him in that chair." Pointing towards the field tent, the major took charge of the situation, "I'll grab some water. Sub-commander?" _I've got this Shinji. I'm sorry to take over, but Misato is not in a good place right now. She's just found out several things that have rattled her, and she wants to make sure you're safe. She's doing this out of love, not malice, I promise._

"I am taking him to Temple," the colonel went to step around Maya, only to be thwarted when the less-senior officer moved into her path again. "Neither of you have done anything to fix this."

"There's nothing to be done," one of the women Shinji loved showed exactly why he loved her so. Neither raising her voice, nor acting aggressively, she defused tensions easily, "The changes can't be undone, not with modern science anyway."

"You don't know that," Misato narrowed her eyes. "Nothing I saw in that report indicated any research into a cure."

"How do you _cure_ physical growth?" Without taking her eyes from Misato, she tossed the bottle back to Shinji perfectly, "Would you have us cut off his limbs? Unspool his DNA? You know that would kill him, right?" Calmly folding her hands before her, she tilted her head curiously, "His changes are permanent. We gave you that report, which I spent several hours rewriting to help you understand, so that you wouldn't panic like this. He's not an Angel, if you have to put a name to it, he's a hybrid."

Encouraging Shinji to drink, Ritsuko stood at his side, "He's not broken, Misato. There's nothing damaged, nothing misaligned, nothing maladjusted. You're looking to cure a healthy man."

"She's looking to protect her son," Maya replied before Misato could. "And that's commendable." _Tell her you love her, Shinji. She needs to hear that you understand._

"I'm not," his voice sounded terrible and he knew it, "the easiest child to manage, am I?" Smiling sadly, he rubbed his throat, "I know I say it too often, but I'm fine, Misato. I've become acclimated. I'm happy you care, but I'm…I'm worried that you're stressing over something impossible to change." _I'm going to admit that I know about Rei,_ sending the warning to Maya, he caught her subtle nod. "The way I see it…at least Rei isn't…unique? Alone?"

Misato's eyes widened slightly.

 _She really underestimates you at times, Pup._ "He figured it out on his own." Maya shrugged, "It's why he insisted on this sleepover. As I said, he's not stupid."

"I love you, Misato," staying where he was, despite the urge to go and touch his former housemate, Shinji shook his head, "I just don't understand why you and Asuka are so worried about this. Nobody treats me poorly, I heal fast enough to get back into the next fight, and because of you…I'm treated with dignity here. What is it you want to 'heal'?"

"Maybe you should tell him about your past," Ritsuko offered with a frown. "It might help him understand a bit more about what a future with you in it will mean."

"If she's r-ready," Shinji cautioned, another coughing fit striking him. "Nobody's pushed me t-to talk about Nagano, I'm not going to pry into anyone's past."

Misato's song spoke of pain, "…Are you giving up on fixing him?"

"I will never give up on him," Maya answered with quiet dignity. "I will help him make of his life what he wishes, because I know he will do no less for those he loves."

Chocolate eyes narrowed, "That's not an answer."

Grey eyes refused to relent, "It's the answer you're getting." _I love you, Shinji. And there is_ nothing _that is wrong with you._

Misato worked her jaw for a few moments, her face otherwise impassive though her song screamed of impotence and pain. The scene might have been more tense, had Maya not stood calmly facing the hurricane before her, had her song not spoke of complete faith in the righteousness of her position and her love for him. Faced with no real means of changing their minds, NERV Tokyo-3's Sub-Commander eventually turned and walked away, without another word.

 _Hikari's already gone home. I sent her there with Paola-san. After this, I doubt she was going to have a very effective lesson from anyone._ Maya turned and smiled sadly, "Well, that was more excitement than I really wanted for this evening. Let's see what we can do about salvaging the tests." Striding purposefully over, she patted Ritsuko on the arm, "Thank you for standing up for him. I know how bad of a situation that could put you in, and I'll talk to the Commander and see that he hears both sides."

Ritsuko laughed, a dry sounding humor sliding from her, "I went to prison hurting him, Major. It's only right that if I go again, it's doing the other thing."

"I wouldn't l-let them," Shinji coughed again.

"We need to get that checked out," the doctor sighed. "The reports say that you've had that for quite a while, and the changes to your voice can't be a good sign. I'd do it myself, but I'm not cleared to do more than life-saving measures for any of the pilots."

"I'll call the Tower," Maya offered. "You start on the baselines. Let's not keep him here later than we have to, I'd like him to at least see Nozomi-chan before her bed time."

"U-us," Shinji corrected firmly. "I w-want to g-go home with m-my f-f-f-f-" A final, vicious, coughing fit forced him to abort the sentence, _My throat won't stop twitching. It's not painful, it just…feels weird._ He went to stand, _I need to stretch out my chest. That might help._

"If he can't talk, it's going to be hard to get impressions from him," Ritsuko pursed her lips, helping him to his feet. "Do any of our staff know the sign language he used?" She looked over to Maya hopefully, "It's not incredibly common, but it can't be so rare that we don't have at least one person."

 _I could always tell her we can talk telepathically,_ his fiancée sighed. _That would go over…poorly. She'd never let me get my own work done for the questions she'd have._ "I'll ask around." Pocketing her phone, after having texted the on-call Corpsman, she pulled her tablet up off the nearby low wall, "It might be a while, so let's do what we can."

+++++ 9th Angel + 6: Friday (64)

"He's sorry that he can't speak tonight," Maya 'translated' for Shinji. "Kaz-kun said he needed to let his throat rest." Standing in Kodama's apartment, she maintained her diplomatic poise from the earlier confrontation with Misato, "He had to raise his voice, it triggered a repeat of the spasms in his larynx, and now none of us get to hear his voice."

"Who was being stupid?" The busty nurse was doing her best to restrain herself from performing a check-up on him, the desire to touch him evident in her song.

 _Tell her it's ok to touch me, please._ Shinji went through the physical motions of signing his intent, uncertain of the presence of cameras, _It's hard to focus with her twitching like that._

"He's given his permission for you to assess him," Maya smirked. "It's pretty obvious you want to."

Her hands shot out, and just as rapidly fell back to her sides, "I…."

"Kodama," Maya shook her head, "he says it's ok, that means it's ok. He's his own person, and he cares for you greatly."

Taking the nurse's hands, Shinji placed them along side his throat, smiling confidently and nodding.

"Did they do imagery?" Her fingers lightly probed along the nodes and tendons of his neck, "Swab for strep?"

"Scope down the nose," Maya pantomimed with her finger. "He took it like a champ, let me tell you."

"Flexible laryngoscopy, fun," Kodama smiled in commiseration. "The numbing agent always smells like lemon mint, to me."

 _It wasn't that bad, honestly. Not being able to feel pain is an odd bonus, at times._ Shinji kept his head still, _Does she know about Suzuka and Suzuki?_

Maya grimaced, "Has someone talked to you about what's going on with the Shirakami?"

"You mean about Suzuki having a side-piece, or Suzuka darkening his eye for it?" Kodama felt around the underside of his eyes, "Both. I've been talking to Xu-san, she's been helping me…understand myself. She was extraordinarily livid when she called me, and the entire situation is flatly astonishing." Her hands paused, "I don't think it would have happened if Daddy were around. They need someone like him, someone to set expectations and discipline lapses in meeting those expectations."

Reaching up and taking her hands, Shinji shared her sorrow, _I miss him too._

"It was a great loss, when he passed," Maya gripped Kodama's shoulder comfortingly. "Shinji and I only knew him a short while, but the size of his heart was more than enough to make an immense impression."

Kodama looked meaningfully at Maya's ring, "If I'm honest…I'm a little pissed off that his idiocy is going to make my wants harder to reach." There was no jealousy in her song, only irritation and honesty. "If he wanted a kid that badly, there's more than enough that need adopting. How many children don't have parents? How many children have _terrible_ parents?"

 _His actions…won't affect that._ Shinji hesitated to speak on the topic, _Especially since Kodama doesn't want children. The situations aren't comparable._

"And I doubt very much that she'll hit you," Maya spoke aloud. "He's not judging you by another person's failures, Kodama." She held up her left hand, "Whether you and he end up together as he and I will, or not, he's not the kind of man to put someone else's shoes on your feet, nor do I believe you'd ever physically abuse him."

He nodded, trying to display through actions what he wished he could through words.

 _You shouldn't deny her, Lover._ Nyx' voice slipped into his mind, _They tried to take her from you. They poisoned your mind against her. She's done nothing wrong, and will bring you plenty of joy._

Time did not dilate as it typically did, instead he simply felt the presence of his tormentor against his back, _If I need joy, I don't have to look further than my own home. What I want for her, for all of us, is happiness. Sexual pleasure is meaningless without that, Nyx._

The otherworldly presence chuckled, _Some find their happiness in giving joy._

Maya sighed, "We really should be going. We have to get Nozomi-chan home or we'll never get her to bed on time." _We won't be pushed into taking on others._

 _Give her a kiss, Lover. It's nothing you haven't done before, and I'll consider it a favor for me._ Her fingers trailed along his throat, _Sahaquiel is coming, and you will not succeed by luck alone._

 _My fiancée has made her opinion clear._ Shinji stepped to free up the path to the door, _I am not going to go against her wishes._

"Yeah," Kodama smiled sadly, "I guess you should. Thank you for visiting." She looked towards the other woman, "And thank you, Maya. I'll have to study Sign, like you have, so that I can understand him better." Holding her arms slightly open, she tilted her head charmingly, "Friends?"

The major embraced the woman easily, "We were never anything else, Kodama. I promise."

 _Your 'fiancée' is becoming aroused by holding her,_ Nyx whispered into his ear. _Imagining slipping her face between those lovely mounds._

 _And?_ Shinji shrugged his shoulders and hugged both women together, _There's nothing wrong with admiring art._ Picking them up off the ground, he squeezed, _I am surrounded by beautiful, beautiful art. What kind of terrible man would I be to become angry at those that I love for admiring it with me?_

Nyx groaned, _You're no fun._

"You know," Kodama held Maya close, "your hair smells wonderful." Grinning at Shinji, she winked, "I can see why you keep her around. Not everyone can pull off a cinnamon anything, but it works for her." Giving a quick kiss to Maya's forehead, she whispered, "Thank you for looking after them. Nozomi-chan tells me that you've been keeping the house even tempered."

"It's not that hard to do with them," Maya shrugged with a smile as Shinji set them down. "Reward positive behavior, explain why negative behaviors are bad, simple stuff."

 _If you give her a kiss, I'll tell you which song will be most effective in reducing the damage caused to your precious thief._ Nyx pushed against his back, _Otherwise, she'll suffer again when Sahaquiel lands._

 _I can't sing,_ Shinji countered. _If I even try to speak, my throat begins to spasm. Singing is out of the question._

Kodama laughed, "What kind of rewards? Are we talking 'wife and wife' rewards, or just praise?"

 _You sing from your soul, Lover, not your mouth,_ Nyx pushed harder. _Try it. Right now. Just a little song, and you'll see I'm right. Your voice is wonderful, but it's a pale version of the actual thing. I'll even accept being dismissed for a time, so that you see to the truth of the matter. If it works, and you give her a little kiss after, I promise I'll tell you what to do during the fight._

Maya looked worriedly at Shinji, "It's…more like…."

"Oh," Kodama shook herself as she realized she might be pushing too much, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make this awkward. I…I just wanted to play a little. I'm sorry, I promise I-"

It was Kodama's confusion that finally pushed him to act. Forcing aside his concerns, he called forth Shamshel. The Angel of Daytime rose in his mind, a much more regal appearance in defeat than it had in life, and pulsed outwards with its hopes for a better world for its new host. The darkness that surrounded them, Maya's echoed anxieties in his mind, Kodama's worry, and his own doubts melted as music without language flowed from his mouth. For just over two and a half minutes he let his soul, the souls within his soul, and the power that they contained, every step along the path shine with the possibility of a new beginning. The past would no longer dominate the present, the future would be nothing less than what they made of it. Peace, forgiveness, promise, all held their place in the fabric of the coming dawn.

Maya, as ever, felt sheltered within his space, but could not feel the magical promise within firsthand. As his lips drew closed, she reached over and laid her hand against his chest, "That was reckless, Shinji. Wonderful…but reckless."

 _It's true._ He looked down to his love, _She's right. I can sing without my voice, I can…I can see the Angels in my mind._ Shamshel lifted one long appendage in a hail and farewell to the status quo, _I'm…I'm so sorry._ Tears stood in his eyes as the reality that he had somehow trapped living beings within him sunk in, _You don't deserve to be a slave to my will…._

 _Untrue._ The pulsed thought came as the purple giant faded, _We/All. Free. At last. Safe._

With Nyx' presence gone, and Shamshel once more peacefully lurking in his soul, Shinji realized he had two choices: Act, or risk harming Rei through inaction. _Maya…._

 _Do it._ She twitched her head towards Kodama, _We need to get going. We need to talk._ There was no joy in Maya's eyes, "I'm going to head out first, I think Shinji wanted to reward positive behavior." Pausing as she passed the taller woman, she lifted onto her toes and kissed Kodama's cheek, "Remember, I allowed this to happen." Dropping back onto her heels, she spun about and walked purposefully to the door and out of the apartment.

Watching her leave, Shinji felt his legs grow heavy. _If it can save Rei…._ When the door closed, both young adults looked to each other, neither certain as to what was about to happen. He searched her face for a sign, some small catalyst that would help him understand what might be 'too little' and what would be 'too much'.

Her cheeks became rosy as she read the hesitation in his face, and her eyes dropped to the floor, "I…I know you can't talk, right now…." Swallowing, she laced her fingers behind her back and shifted her shoulders coyly, "And you're probably searching for a way to explain what's happening, why you sang…why you think I'm doing well. I just…I wanted to say…." Taking a deep breath, she forced herself to stop flirting excessively, "Don't. If you don't actually want to…praise me, then don't."

The smallest changes to a system are still changes. Some, such as adding a small amount of sodium chloride to hydrogen dioxide, result in little more than a subtle shift in taste. Others, while still small, present themselves in much more dynamic ways. As Shinji listened to her speak he felt something shift into place that he'd been waiting for. Cupping her jaw, he bent down and lightly touched his lips to hers.

It wasn't forceful, it wasn't charged with sexual energy, it wasn't hunger-filled. The passion that it inspired in her would last all night, and the relief that it gave him put his world back into perspective. There was more there than before, the garden had been tilled vigorously and the seeds planted. The stalks that pushed up through the chaos around them were stronger for the damage done. _She is not Suzuka. I am not Suzuki. Life…just isn't meant to be simple._

 _At least you understand it better now, Pup._ Maya's voice caressed his mind, _Let's go. She hasn't earned her stripes just yet._

+++++ Author's Notes

Martial Arts Master: RE: Abuse.

No, no. This has been planned for some time. The seeds were planted many chapters ago, and at least one eagle-eyed reader noticed, according to my DMs. What's happening in the real world is, in the author's opinion, a tragedy. It is not, however, something I'm interested in attempting to co-opt and make politically-charged hay out of. The theme of abuse, with regards to all forms of it, is a large part of this story's whole purpose. Shinji is taking his abuse and is using it to become better, stronger. If there is any underlying message it's that things are never what they seem at first glance, and there is nothing so terrible that you can't recover from it with enough work.

TheHiddenLettuce: RE: Passing through.

Well, I hope you enjoy your time with my cast of characters. I, however, won't be watching NGE on Netflix. I've got the DVDs, and I can enjoy them in Japanese, Chinese, Italian, Russian, or English any time I want. Support the Official Release, folks.


	77. Chapter 77

+++++ 9th Angel + 6: Friday (64)

Shinji held Maya in his arms, the two of them arriving at the center of his being with focus and a little effort. Hikari was reading Nozomi a story, dinner had been brief, and there were far too many questions to avoid the possible answers for any longer. The void they sat within was no longer a dull rosy glow of twilight, but a warm early dawn. Everything was brighter than even the last time he'd been within himself, he looked around with a small sense of wonder, "This…is different."

"Hello," Not-Shinji called as he strolled into view, assembling himself from the surrounding aether with a shimmer, a smile, and a wave. "I see you brought one of our pillars." Bowing politely, he greeted the woman before him calmly, "It is a pleasure to finally see you in person, Miss Ibuki."

Maya's head tilted slightly, confusion and awe at the sight before her, "It's…you."

"A part of me/him," both replied at once, looking at each other and laughing as they realized what they'd done.

"I am no more him than his arm, or his leg," Not-Shinji clarified. "I am a piece of the whole, an aspect of his being that is at once inseparable and yet still distinct in itself." Snapping his fingers, he summoned a small table and chairs, "Please, you've gone to the effort to visit, allow me to act as the host once more."

Shinji walked over and pulled out Maya's chair, "The drinks he serves are wonderful, I really should thank Hikari again for asking Kelly-san to teach her how to make the coffee." Sliding her seat back in as she sat upon it, he smiled across the table at himself, "The area looks…better? More pleasant? I can scarcely see the dark skies, for the glow around us."

"You have a great deal of credit for that," Not-Shinji began to pour. "Though the addition of more of the Fragments of Eternity hasn't hurt." Setting a cup before Maya, he slid over the service that contained sugar and cream, "Plain, as you don't enjoy the same drink that we do." Looking back to Shinji, he shrugged, "What begat the changes is a bit of a chicken and egg question, ultimately. Philosophical at best, pedantic at worst. You're healing, and the space that you've given us is healing with you."

"Fragments?" Maya puzzled, "Us?"

"The power that we wield," he set Shinji's cup before him. "Focused pieces of a greater tapestry. Power and responsibility crafted together into a complex concept with a deceptively simple name." Seating himself, he gestured in appeal to his larger half, "Would you mind asking Gaghiel to visit? I understand much of your question already, and I think we can answer both at once."

 _Gaghiel_. The name rang out from Shinji's core, echoing across the vast expanse surrounding them. Closing one eye to dull the odd sensation that the act brought with it, he shook his head, "That was…different."

 _It's the Great One!_ The response was rapid, the Angel of Fish floating swiftly over towards them, decreasing in size to no larger than a great hound as it approached, _Hello! You called me, thank you!_ Halting within arm's reach, it looked over to Maya, _Your mate? I am honored, Chosen of the Great One._ Dipping its body into a roll, Gaghiel bobbed playfully about.

"Gaghiel, this is Maya Ibuki, Major of the UN Paramilitary, Chief of the Science Division for NERV's Tokyo-3 branch, Beloved of Shinji Ikari and Hikari Horaki," Not-Shinji handled introductions as host. "Miss Ibuki, this is Gaghiel, _formerly_ the Angel of Fish. Now an Aspect of Creation, a Fragment of Eternity."

 _Isn't it wonderful?_ Gaghiel nuzzled Shinji's hand, _It's all because the Great One freed me from the endless cycle._

"I…did?" Instinctively, he began to pet the exuberant abstract entity, "I don't remember doing that."

"It's not entirely a conscious decision," Not-Shinji offered with a shrug.

"So…when he killed the A…uhm, Gaghiel-san," Maya slowly pronounced the odd name, "and absorbed the waveform, he 'freed' him?"

 _Did you like the small ones?_ Gaghiel dipped and dove around, _They couldn't stay corporeal for long, but I wanted to show you how happy I was to wake up and be free!_ Wagging its flippers, the Aspect giggled, _I'd be happy to make more, if you had a place for them to live. My children can't swim in the air like I can, not in the biosphere your physical form resides in, Great One._

"The small…the sharks?" Shinji was reminded of speaking to an enthusiastic toddler, as he had once in Nagano, how the conversation flitted from subject to subject, "They made Misato and Noelle very happy, which made me happy. Thank you for sharing them with us, that was very nice of you."

"Child," Not-Shinji's tone was that of a parent: firm, but caring, "we need to spend his time here wisely. I will see if I can convince him to set up a place for you to show your children, but for now I just wanted to give him the chance to meet you."

"I…uhm," Shinji was at a loss. _He's so happy. Almost euphoric!_ "I hope that you are content here, Gaghiel-san. Please, understand that I am sorry that I had to harm you."

 _Oh, I love it here! I'm free to create endless schools of my children, and swim about all day without feeling that terrible pain._ Dipping from side to side, the Aspect 'smiled', showing row upon row of teeth, _A little pain is a small price to pay for eternal joy, right? That's what Ramiel tells me, anyway._ Swimming quickly over to Maya, it 'booped' her nose with its own, _It is very nice to see you, Chosen of the Great One. I will try to create many wonderful-tasting children for you. Bye!_

Watching as the hyperactive childlike Aspect swam away, once more growing to its full size as it left, Not-Shinji smiled at the confused awe on Maya's face, "There is a period of adjustment, such as it is, but none of them despair for their lot in life. It is not what you would refer to as 'acceptance' or 'Stockholm Syndrome', it is genuine enthusiasm at a chance to be a part of the greater whole without having to destroy all life on your planet, on every planet, to do so."

Shinji nodded slowly, "So, when Shamshel said that they were free, and safe…are all of them the same?"

"After a time, as I said," Not-Shinji took a drink and let his statement settle.

"I'd imagine waking up somewhere new, in a different form than before, with no idea how you got there, might be slightly disorienting," Maya shook off her own thoughts, reaching over and lightly rubbing Shinji's shoulder.

"They don't have a beautiful woman directly out of their innermost dreams to wake up to," Shinji smiled meaningfully. Redirecting his attention to his inner host, he let his eyes ask the next question.

"I speak to them," Not-Shinji gestured out to where Gaghiel had swam off to. "I explain to them where they are, what they are experiencing, and then I help them find ways to occupy themselves. Ramiel has been very helpful in that regard, as he took it very poorly when he understood the extent of your suffering in life."

Shinji had his cup halfway to his lips when he paused, "Ramiel? …Thunder? He's always right there whenever I'm angry, I kind of assumed he wasn't happy once I finally put everything together." Another long drink gave him a chance to contemplate the situation, "I really should have been thinking about all of this before. I have a self-centered streak that I can't seem to shake off."

"That's n-mphmrmr," Maya blinked, startled at the sudden hesitation in her voice.

"Ah, you can't really lie here, Miss Ibuki," Not-Shinji held his hand up at chest level. "It's something of a feature, rather than a bug. Though I would agree with your more nuanced intent, in that his self-image is wildly inconsistent. He puts a great deal of effort into resolving other people's traumas, neglecting his own. He _does_ still tend to think of his own trauma as immutable, and if it only impacts him in your realm he ignores it. It's not purely self-centered, but it is still focused on his self."

"I'm sorry," Shinji apologized quickly, "I should have reminded you when we came. Each time I speak in here, I have to think very carefully about what it is I'm saying. Especially if it's a 'Pipe' statement."

"The rules are very firm, but there is always room to move around them if you take the time to resolve the basic logic," Not-Shinji agreed.

"That is really disconcerting," Maya took several deep breaths. "Suddenly being muted like that, realizing that I don't _need_ to breathe in here, wondering what happened to my grasp of basic Japanese…just everything going wrong at once! Now I see what you mean when you said that you always leave with more questions than answers," she laughed ruefully, "this place is fascinating. Amazing, really. I'd love to study it in more detail…the rules, the logic, the atmosphere." Her mood had improved immensely as they lingered, "I'm going to marry a man with mysteries in his mysteries."

"And I would say you deserve the joy he'll bring," Not-Shinji hoisted his glass in celebration. "Not one of the Aspects I interact with here has had a negative word for your presence. Sachiel and Sandalphon are rather excited to be given the chance to meet you directly."

"Speaking of the others," Shinji tried to keep the conversation on course, "do you happen to know which song Nyx was speaking of?" Looking to his fiancée, he hesitated, "It's not that I feel bad about kissing Kodama, but I think that Nyx is searching for ways to manipulate me into doing what she asks."

"And I believe you are wise for recognizing her temperament," Not-Shinji inclined his head in respect. "Lilith has ever been one to push for more when given enough. Moderation was denied to her back in the beginning by a fool, and her anger has encompassed her actions since." The scowl that grew on the face of Shinji as he had looked when he was fully human was so out of place as to be jarring, "Blame enough to go around."

"You…remember something?" Shinji had gripped Maya's leg, mutely begging her to silence, "From before we joined?"

"I," blinking, Not-Shinji's face snapped back to its usual sanguine state, "not…not fully. Flashes, bits and pieces. She and I fought over rules…birthrights, long, long ago. I'm sorry, and allow me to be clear, I do not remember more than I said just now. Lilith does not forgive, and chafes at rules unless they serve her needs. It pains me to say, though, that she knows more about how you channel our Aspects into the world around you than I do. I am sorry that my help is so limited."

"Do you feel we can trust her?" Maya patted Shinji's hand, "Will she keep her word?"

"Once given? Without question," Not-Shinji shrugged. "She is not without honor, nor does she feel herself above reproach. However, pride and lust have their place at her table, and therein lies the need for caution." His eyes shifted to Maya, "As she will seek not to supplant, but to embolden. Your place at his side is part of his agreement, and she will fight to keep you there. She will also seek to loop in more, and more diverse, ladies to tie him to her crusade."

"Why?" Shinji was taken aback, "I mean…what does she get out of it?"

He sighed, "Power. All females on this planet owe their charms to her careful creation, and she draws their strength around her much the same as you call upon ours. The more they empower you with their love, the stronger she'll become. Never more than you, as she accepted your offer, but certainly never less."

"Never _more_?" Shinji blinked, "I can't reset reality! How could I ever be as strong as she is?!"

"Have you tried?" Maya looked at him with a weak grin, "I mean…honestly attempted to reset all of reality?"

"We can summon the peace of hope, the fury of thunder, the torrential downpour or raging might of the seas," Not-Shinji's eyes were soft, though his voice was unforgiving. "I have told you, repeatedly, that you _must_ exercise caution. Your gentle nature is what gives us comfort in trusting you with our power, but it is that very nature that she _will_ prey upon. You may not as of yet be strong enough to do more than merely 'bench press an ocean', but now is not forever."

"I…I…." He began to panic as the logic tightened around his neck, "I can't be trusted with this! I could kill someone! I could kill _everyone_!"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Maya was out of her chair in a flash, gently soothing his chest. "Shinji, you've had these powers for over a month, and you haven't killed anyone. You haven't even come close."

Not-Shinji stood from his place, coming around the table and joining Maya in calming the gentle giant, "This is why we practiced, remember? We learned to walk again, we learned to contain the increased awareness. I am not saying these things to _scare_ you, but to _prepare_ you."

"I meant what I said to Misato, Pup," she stroked his cheek next. "The changes to you are permanent, and nothing we do short of discovering a way to _kill you_ will change you back."

"We would be rather distressed at your death, Great One," a vaguely feminine set of twins approached to the sound of reed flutes, speaking as one through pleasingly crafted lips. "Not the least of which due to our own demise following thereafter."

Lumbering just behind their dancing figures came the titanic octahedron, _Do not fear your might, embrace it!_ Ramiel's shape changed slowly as it spoke, _The exercise of power with restraint is the greatest display of all, as none may judge you lacking, yet all must take heed of your desires. Israfel has spoken often of your restraint, and your desire. Not once have they spoken of your failure, for none exists worth mentioning._ Parking its geometric bulk nearby, the blue giant rumbled, _Look about you, Lord Ikari, and see the power of your domain against sorrow, against doubt. Clear skies replace the fog of uncertainty. The heretic at the gates is stymied. All is as it should be, as it_ must _be._

Not-Shinji shifted back, allowing Israfel to approach. The Golden-hued twin lay against his shoulder, her smile taking in Maya, as the Silver-hued twin alighted on his lap, smiling at him winsomely, "Would you have earned the attentions of The Advisor, were you some horrid brute? Her love is no illusion, The Light herself would have dispelled such, would she not?"

Maya's song spoke of trepidation, the natural human fear of existing in the shadow of a being that had attempted to murder all of mankind one month prior, "You should listen to them, Shinji. Ramiel-san and…Israfel…san?"

"We are as one being, Advisor," the Alpha Twin spun gracefully around Shinji's shoulders to hug both Maya and Shinji simultaneously. "When you speak of one, you speak of both. When you consider one, you are considering both."

The Beta giggled, "It is much like your own existence, Advisor. You hear his Song, his Dreams. You are already as one with him, no ceremony will make you more so."

Shinji couldn't maintain his panic with the competing forces of Thunder and Music washing over him, though his anxiety remained, "I…I could mess up. I could make a terrible mistake, kill everyone. How could you trust me with this?"

 _Who else would we trust?_ Ramiel pulsed confidently, _You are the victor, and our existence must go somewhere, so why not here? You have proven your fury to be right, and righteous. You have proven your mercy to be just, and generous. In this sacred place, we have created marvels. As you call upon those marvels to defend your kith and kin, you prove your fury, your mercy, to be infinite!_

"Such love this heart has," Silver Israfel placed her hand atop his heart from the fore, Golden Israfel from the rear. "It is not that a heart such as yours is incapable of harm, it is the capacity it holds for _regret_ and _forgiveness_ that inspire us to create majesties! Mistakes are unavoidable, but never unforgivable."

"If you don't wish to reset all of reality, then don't," Not-Shinji leaned against the table, smiling as he gave the simple answer.

"If they feel comfortable with me advising you," Maya added, looking between the three former Angels, "then come to me when you have doubts. A little hesitation isn't always terrible, Shinji. If it's not in combat, there's almost no situation where you have to make a permanent snap-decision."

 _Your counsel is most acceptable, Advisor,_ Ramiel intoned. _Power where necessary, moderation in both victory and defeat. You promote the values that allow him to express his wrath, without that rage overwhelming and consuming him. Though_ , it began to spin slowly, _you could perhaps allow him to express it more often._

"Ramiel," Not-Shinji once more adopted the tone of a parent, "the future we move towards promises storms enough. Your presence in his heart is near-constant, do not become greedy."

 _Of course, Forgotten One,_ contrition replaced confidence.

"Come, Great One," kicking one leg up and over his head, the Beta Twin sat astride his lap with a joyous song soaring from her and her twin, "you have learned painful truths. Now, come see the glories that we craft in your name so your visit here is not an unpleasant memory. We would be overjoyed to have you more often."

As her other half rolled backwards from him to take Maya's arm, the Golden Twin helped Shinji to his feet, "Ramiel's storms contain beauty beyond description. Flashes of amber plasma within fields of umbral light, echoes of verdant darkness spiraling through vermillion sands. Come, come, observe with pride and good cheer what your Children create in your name."

 _I should not brag,_ Ramiel's hue became slightly pink. _The Forgotten One speaks truly._

"You are not bragging, Ramiel," Not-Shinji stood easily, dismissing the chairs and table. "You are showing what you have done to push back the darkness lurking at the edges of our host." Taking point, he walked backwards comfortably, "You, just as much as your seven siblings, have much to take pride in for helping him find calm." The younger-looking Shinji gestured off to his right, "Off that way are the Oceans of Sachiel, where the darkened chaos has been replaced with the majesty of the vast blue depths."

Shinji walked along, Ramiel floating protectively behind the group, Golden Israfel on his arm, Silver Israfel on Maya's. What seemed like months passed as he learned what had been created in the endless expanses of his soul, each wonder just as awe-inspiring as the last. Every former Angel, now Aspect, was overjoyed to demonstrate or display their own domain within his Domain. All throughout his anxiety lessened, slowly being replaced with a truth he spoke upon parting for the evening, "It seems…I have more than one world to protect."

+++++ 9th Angel + 7: Saturday (65)

It had not escaped her notice that the contemplative aura that Shinji exuded affected every other student around him during the half day of lessons. Students found themselves paying closer attention to the teachers, asking more insightful questions, and participating with each other more positively. Hikari encouraged and directed questions about his mood to Tsuru, who once more provided translations for his hand gestures. "I'm still learning," the freckle-faced beauty smiled with a polite shrug. "I'm just happy that he has a good friend to lean on."

"I'm sure she'd be happy if he leaned a little harder," a stray comment came from the back of the room during the last break between classes.

Shinji's head turned slowly to address the speaker, his hands already in motion and his displeasure written plainly across his features.

"I…I really," Tsuru blushed as she read what he was saying, "I really sh-shouldn't."

"Who he does, and does not lean upon, against, or into, is of no concern to, or for, anyone but himself, his fiancées, and the individual in question," Rei's deadpan monotone filled the suddenly quiet room. "Whoever Tsuru-san chooses as her partner will be lucky, blessed with a gift that tragically few people may ever find the equal of. Shaming others for who they choose is petty, and childish. We are to be adults in a few short months, we need to act like it."

"He…he said it was," her voice dropped to a bare whisper, " _bullshit_ , not petty," Tsuru corrected with a blush.

"Rei-chan doesn't swear, Tsuru-chan," Yang chuckled. "She interpreted the intent using her own special brand of snark."

"If we're nitpicking," Hikari added brightly, "he also said 'chan' and not 'san'." She had the smile Shinji recognized as trouble about her lips, "I recognized that one from this morning. Nozomi-chan showed me several times after Shinji demonstrated for her." Keeping her tone friendly, she showed that she wasn't threatened by her husband-to-be's statement, nor was she pleased with the irresponsible rumors his following had spawned.

"The next step," Yang stage-whispered, "is when he finally drops the suffix entirely. Then, that's when you know he'll hide the bodies for you." Balling her fists under her chin, she leaned over and drew Shinji's eyes, "He didn't even tell _me_ where he hid the guy that took that photo up my skirt."

Tsuru blinked when Shinji responded with a tap to Yang's nose and a playful, "Who said there was a body? You can't find what doesn't exist. Shinji-kun!"

Turning to face her, he smiled and continued.

Her hands fluttered slightly, "I-I know, but…."

Tilting his head at a disapproving angle, he drummed his fingers against the desk.

"I'm sorry, Shinji-kun." Folding her hands in her lap, she looked down contritely, "I'll remember in the future."

Spying the teacher's approach, Hikari stood while swallowing the sigh. _I wish he'd spend more time playing with his friends. He's so_ happy _whenever he gets to just be 'Shinji' and not 'Shinji, Destroyer of Worlds'. Tonight should help. Spending time with Rei, eating popcorn, comforting someone. Happiness. I'd never trade him for the world, but I wish I could bring him more happiness to repay what he's given me._

+++++ 9th Angel + 7: Saturday (65)

"It's all preliminary, and those few insights we've gained are empirical, as the hard data is all going to be gathered now that we have a comfortable baseline to compare his excess against, but the long story condensed to a soundbite is that he is unlikely to be fatigued by 'normal' activities. He is stronger, faster, and smarter than anyone you choose to compare him to. Find the strongest man on Earth, and he'll dwarf his strength. The fastest man alive? Couldn't hope to compete. I've peppered him with random questions that aren't reliant on rote memorization for the response, and he answers easily." Ritsuko held one hand in her lab coat, and the other twirling a lollipop, "We intend, tonight, to test his physical strength. A shorter test that won't require speech and will allow him free time to enjoy an evening with his family."

"I'm not entirely sure I understand the condition he's suffering from," Kozo frowned over the addendum. "His larynx…convulsed?" Splitting his fingers into a 'V', he waved it along the front of his throat, "His vocal chords, correct?"

"He interceded in an argument that was brewing," Maya answered without rancor. "His healing is erratic at the best of times, mortal wounds close and seal easily. Superficial damage as well. But there is still damage that lingers from the incident at the trolley, the Fifth Angel's attack, and more. His body chooses what to heal, and what not to. There is clear evidence of irritation, damage that hasn't healed well, but no associated evidence of infection."

"Interceded in an argument," Kozo quoted, raising an eyebrow in curiosity.

"The Sub-Commander and the Chief Researcher were having a disagreement over the appropriate species classification for Mister Ikari." Philip gestured to Ritsuko, "In fairness, Doctor Akagi was rather calm until Colonel Katsuragi became extremely insistent."

"Class, if we're being precise," Ritsuko spoke around her sucker. "Angelic life and Mammalian life are not incomparable, and with such limited data I'd hesitate to not include them in the Animalia with the rest of us."

"Wait," Kozo lifted his hand slightly from where it rested on the table, "Colonel Katsuragi argued _taxonomy_ with you and Shinji had to…what, speak for so long to make it clear to her that his throat gave out?"

"She insists that there is a way to 'cure' him, sir." Maya shook her head sadly, "The fact that he's at least partly an Angel now apparently escaped her notice, somehow. All of our efforts to humanize him in the eyes of the UN, she likely believed it was because of his odd growth spurts. She might have even believed he was…well, only 'inhuman' in the extent of being like a manga protagonist."

"Of all of the…." Closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose, the old professor groaned, "Did you explain that the only potential way to remove the genetic material would be _lethal_? Perhaps demonstrating with a ball of yarn to give a visual display? How is a woman as intelligent as her so mind-numbingly obtuse at times?"

"She represses things to do with science as a defense mechanism," Ritsuko shrugged. "You know well enough why."

"You'll forgive my ignorance, I hope," General Benoit spread his hands. "I might have missed the particular issue here. Nothing in her record demonstrated a tendency towards…being a Luddite? Willful ignorance?"

"The Katsuragi Expedition is yesterday, in her mind," Maya answered quietly. "To say that she despises Angels is selling the matter very, very short. Shinji-kun is caught up in an open wound that likely will never see closure in her mind."

"In an effort to push away anything to do with Doctor Katsuragi, she hides her intellect." Ritsuko nodded, "It's almost like she's forced a form of dyslexia on herself. It took an impressive effort on Major Ibuki's part to get through that blockade and make clear to her what was obvious to everyone else that read the reports."

"I hope that we are all very clear on his status," Kozo patted the table with deceptive calm. "He. Is. Human."

"As far as the UNIGC is concerned, he couldn't be anything else." General Benoit nodded easily, "We went through that entire circus to make that clear to everyone. The UNHIC actually hurt themselves severely when one of their membership insisted he be 'reclassified'. The offending party was asked to 'step down' from their positions, including in the General Assembly, by the Secretary General personally." He frowned, "I understand they ended up taking their own life when a number of inappropriate expenditures were traced to accounts they owned, involving young German boys."

"The animals we fight against have less humanity in them than the young man with the misfortune to be considered 'half-human'," Kozo spat. "I will have a conversation with Colonel Katsuragi."

"Sir," Maya stopped as he made a cutting motion.

"A conversation, Major." His anger was tempered, "I understand very well Shinji-kun's affection for her…and her own lingering traumas. I am disappointed, but I am not interested in fostering resentment in any direction. We all fight together, or we all die together."

+++++ 9th Angel + 7: Saturday (65)

"I didn't know you had learned Sign," Ritsuko tilted her head. "Though I guess I shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth, it made that meeting just now much easier. The Engineering department is one of our biggest backers, and having to type everything out would have drawn this out well past when I want you two gone to your evening."

"Following his first experience with mutism, I took the initiative to address the gap that would leave in our deployments," Rei sat in the chair she'd been given out on the testing grounds. "The language is intuitive, once you understand that every gesture is made with the intent of limiting extraneous vocabulary."

"Indeed." The demi-blonde looked to Shinji, "You are comfortable with this arrangement?"

Shinji nodded, smiling easily. The evening he'd be spending with the bluenette would only be made better by having given her a part in his time at NERV. Pointing to the nearby weights, he asked what they should do.

Following a brief translation, the doctor picked up her tablet, "Well, I want you to lift, without using any of the abilities, songs, whatever you call them, at your disposal, each weight in sequence. I want you to stop when you don't feel you can lift a specific weight, and we'll use that as the general baseline for this exercise."

Taking off his shirt, he folded it carefully and set it aside. _If they want me to lift weights, I lift weights._

"Are you more comfortable without a shirt?" She hesitated in asking, for the subtext was rather obvious in that her statement could be taken poorly, "You have a tendency lately to take it off before exercising."

He blinked, realizing that he actually had been doing just that.

 _Why hide the 'art'_? Nyx sat perched on his shoulder, _You said yourself that there was no shame in looking, you even chastised that prat in your class for taunting. Own your beauty, Pet. There is no shame in wearing your own skin with pride._

The feel of her skin against his was pleasant, and that worried him, _Are you 'encouraging' me to do this?_

 _No, it's all your own ideas, Lover. I promise._ Running her fingers through his hair, she purred, _A delicious idea at that._

He shrugged, not wanting to try and craft a convincing lie when he himself didn't know the truth of the matter. Looking to Rei he asked for instructions. _I kept up my end of the bargain, Nyx._

"Ok, pick up the smallest kettlebell, hold it out at arm's length parallel to the ground, then set it back down." Ritsuko demonstrated the range of motion, "Proper bending, now. I don't want an injury to slow our project down."

As he crouched to grasp the holds, Nyx swung to his back to allow him to move as he wished, _You did. A bit chaste for my taste, but I'm certain it whet her appetite for more. As to the song, Sachiel is the answer. Assuming you will employ the same strategy as before, you can buffer the LCL within her monstrosity. Ask the dear to kindly lock her joints tight, as the problem is inherent in the flawed copy of a dead relic. Your chariot doesn't have that weakness._

Hoisting the ball easily, he held it out and looked to Ritsuko for confirmation that he was following orders, _I need to ask Maya why that is, then. I don't want her being hurt because someone is being lazy._

"Just like that," the demi-blonde made a checkmark on her tablet. "Set it down, and move on. You don't need to wait, now that you know what to do."

"Exercise caution, Lead Pilot," Rei's eyes glowed slightly. "Overconfidence is dangerous."

 _So is holding onto the past when the future is so much brighter,_ Nyx scoffed.

"Practical advice," Ritsuko frowned, curious as to what had prompted Rei to speak. "Let's keep moving, I understand you two have a movie night in store."

Shinji made short work of all of the weights, lifting the final, oddly shaped, bell smoothly. Once it was back on the ground, he looked over and fidgeted with his hand, wondering what was next.

The scientist smiled wryly, "No songs?"

He shook his head, Nyx still latched onto his back comfortably.

"Well…that's a problem," pocketing her tablet, she pulled out a sucker and began to unwrap it. "That last bell was two thousand kilograms. I had anticipated you stopping somewhere around fourteen hundred." Popping the sweet into her mouth, she quirked her lips to the side, "I need something heavier."

 _Two thousand kilograms?_ He blinked, impressed at his own might, _It may as well have been Nozomi-chan._

 _Just wait until you rip out Zeruel's heart._ Nyx tittered, _Watching that smug face die will be a joy._

 _I don't want to hurt my children,_ Shinji snapped. _Their suffering isn't necessary for my victory._

"Excuse me," his proctor waved over Akane. "Would it be permissible to take a field trip to the Engineering department? If we want to make this quick, we need what they have."

Our _children,_ Nyx stuck one finger in the soft tissue of his throat, _will die if you do not take him seriously. He is the strongest of all his kind, the final three will prove no challenge at all once you've taken the Angel of Strength into your soul._

Trailing along behind Akane, who'd agreed readily to the plan as it moved him inside where it was safer, Shinji noticed that Rei had picked up his shirt and was clutching it to her chest. _He was the one that nearly reached…you._ Putting the two pieces together, Shinji realized that he hadn't spoken to her about what he now knew, _What would have happened?_

 _He would have murdered me, then gone on a rampage until he located what he was truly after._ Sliding back up to his shoulder, she stroked his cheek, _Now that you're here to protect me from the start of the fight, I have nothing to fear._

 _Murdered you?_ He blinked, the idea seeming abhorrent to him. For all that he wanted to remain free of her puppeteering, he didn't want her to die. His life, such that it was, had only begun to improve after her intervention. She was alive, just as Rei, just as Toji, just as the Aspects within his soul. _You're…certain he would have done that?_

 _He is not my child, with me gone from the world he could then raise his own parent from torpor and set about destroying your world._ Leaning into his head, she hugged him, _It is not impossible to kill me, Pet. Just as you can die, with enough effort, so can I. The scale is slightly different, though you remember how large Zeruel is._

 _Pet…._ He frowned, _Please don't call me that. I am not some…servant._

 _Don't be like that,_ she tapped his nose, a chastising motion. _I call you 'Pet' in the same way your Light calls you her love, or your latest conquest calls you 'Pup'. You may find any name you like for me, save the one I prefer to never hear uttered from your lips, and I will embrace it with pride._ She tickled his chin, _You may call me 'Whore' or 'Harlot', and I will gladly wear the title. For you, I will be whatever you wish._

 _I would never do that,_ he choked. _That's, that wouldn't…you…you're making a joke._

 _I do that, from time to time._ She traced a pattern on his cheek, _I wouldn't mind a name, though. You've given one to others, and yet I had to find one for you to use. Do I matter so little?_

Her appeal struck a note with Shinji, and he realized that while he'd pestered her for what to call her, he had indeed given one to Dark, and even Gentle. The relationship between him and the ephemeral being on his shoulder was far different, and carried complexities that he still hadn't come to understand despite the two months of close proximity. _I'll…give it some thought. I don't want to just choose the first thing that comes to mind._

 _I look forward to it, then._ Pressing a kiss to the top of his head, she vanished. The emptiness seeming larger than usual after the humanizing display.

He frowned as they reached the Engineering bay, pondering what could be done to reach a balance with everyone. Dark was right in that a multiverse of beings rode on him preventing Nyx from ending their existence before it began. Nyx was correct in that she didn't deserve to die, none of them did. If her only crime was existence, spreading her children rather than allowing the competing life to flourish…carnivores ate prey. Big fish ate smaller. Life, ultimately, required the end of other life to continue on. It was natural, it was nature's way.

"Well, if it isn't our favorite challenge producer," the lead Engineer laughed as he walked over. "What are we making for you today, Lord Ikari? Oh!" He snapped his fingers, "before I forget, we've done a pre-assessment on the temple that Navy Lieutenant Chambers identified as the likely setting for your wedding ceremony. Some grifters were asking for a six hundred percent markup, can you believe it?" He scoffed, "You were right to ask for our eyes on it. We'll take care of them, no worries."

Shinji's frown disappeared behind a pleased grin, and he asked Rei to assist.

"The Lord Ikari is pleased that you were able to assist Hino-san. We are here because he requires something heavier than two thousand kilograms to lift. Doctor Akagi's testing regimen did not reach sufficiently far, and his talents have proven in excess of her upper bounds." Rei kept his shirt firmly in her grasp, "He would appreciate it if you would cooperate with her, as we have obligations this evening."

Shinji eyed her askance.

She frowned slightly, in the all-too-cute manner she had, "It is the appellation he chose when speaking, I maintained his identification of you to expedite matters."

"You are a Lord, My Lord." The man was quick to gesture to Rei, "Ayanami-chan has the right of it, and though she doesn't have to call you by the title you've earned, we're proud to. Knowing that we have a genuine hero walking among us? Someone who fights for his friends," he exaggerated his gesture to Rei, "and works hard to improve the lives of the people who support him? It's our honor, not a burden."

 _He's…not lying._ He sighed, then nodded, _He's also right. I may not see myself the way they see me, but I am not in any way right to tell them not to speak what they feel to be the truth._ Signaling that he'd work on his self-perception, he asked that they move forward with what Ritsuko needed.

The demi-blonde, for her part, quietly observed as Shinji's thoughts were written plainly across his face. His position in her esteem was as high as she thought possible, until that moment went it soared even higher. It hurt her, surprisingly, to think that a man such as he might once have looked on her with desire. The loss was as painful as it was ironic, with who she had once set her eyes on.

+++++ 9th Angel + 7: Saturday (65)

Nozomi had been quietly sent up to spend the night with Sakura, and the environment of the house had been set firmly in the 'welcoming' mindset by Hikari while Shinji and Maya did what they needed to at NERV. When he arrived with Rei, following a brief stop at the bluenette's shared apartment with Misato, Shinji was greeted at the door with a warm hug and kiss.

"Welcome home, my love." Turning her attention to Rei, she bundled the young woman into her arms, "I'm so happy you could come tonight, Rei. We've been looking forward to spending time with you." Last, though not least, Maya was the recipient of a greeting similar to Shinji's, "Welcome home. I'm glad you could get tonight off."

Rei ducked her head, slightly embarrassed by the attention, "I am sorry for disturbing your evening."

"No, no, no," Hikari tugged her into the house. "You _are_ the evening, Rei! I wasn't joking when I said I'd always wanted to have a sleepover, and never got to have one." Holding her hand, she escorted her into the main room, "You've been there for several years of my being Class Rep, would you honestly see any of the kids in middle school being 'ok' with sleeping over at the 'Ice Queen's' house?"

 _Ice Queen?_ Shinji slipped everyone's shoes neatly into rows, he thought through what could possibly have given her that nickname.

 _Something wrong, Pup?_ Maya hung on his arm, happy that her people were happy.

 _Hikari was never cold, even where I come from._ Looking down at the older of his two intended, he shook his head, _She was firm. Confident, but very approachable. I just never did, because I was an idiot._

 _Because you were conditioned to avoid confrontation,_ Maya corrected him with a slight tap on his hand. _I never met her, then, so I can't say for certain. What you're remembering that I can make sense of, though…you're right. 'Ice' isn't the right word._

"And we've made certain that all of our snacks are vegetarian-friendly," Hikari finished showing the 'renovations' to the main living room. Pillows, blankets, and futons all moved out so that there was comfort to be found no matter how you took it. "I chose the movie, and it's a little childish, but I thought we could all enjoy a bit of whimsy tonight."

"I have only recently seen any cinematic creations," Rei hesitated. "The Sub-Commander's selections have been…difficult to comprehend."

Shinji winced, remembering that Misato tended to like the absurd, over-the-top, terrible movies to make fun of them. Which would not, in any way, be in the wheelhouse of Rei Ayanami. _At least her expectations have been set incredibly low. Hayao Miyazaki might at least be something she can appreciate artistically._

"If the one movie we watched with her is any example," Hikari grimaced exaggeratedly, "I believe I may just be able to change your mind about them." Offering to take their guest's bag, she tilted her head with a pleasant smile, "Why don't I show you to the guest shower so you can wash the day off, and then you can change into your sleeping clothes. Maya and Shinji can use the master bathroom, and we'll all get the evening started."

The albino recluse hesitated slightly, "I…do not wear clothes when I sleep." Surrendering her bag, she looked over to Shinji, "I was afraid to discuss this with the Sub-Commander, as she has seemed less willing to engage in conversations of late."

The flash of Rei's nude form brought a blush to Shinji's cheeks, which led to him closing his eyes and looking down. _I am a terrible human being. She mentions Misato's not treating her well, and my mind goes directly to the few times I have seen her naked._ Lifting his hands to begin to sign, he was surprised when Maya 'muted' him by taking them and looking to Rei with a smile.

"Well, as it turns out there's a fix for that." _I've also seen her nude, Shinji. I saw what happened when you saw her nude again this time. You are not…what Asuka accused you of being in the world we once lived in,_ "Shinji has these shirts he doesn't wear anymore because they're a tad small, but they are more than long enough to cover you properly. It's something Hikari and I do, from time to time, and he doesn't mind at all."

Shinji recovered his hands, allowing Rei to translate for Hikari, "I am happy they get used. Someone went to the effort to make them, and not using them is an insult to their hard work." _Are we not discussing Misato's…temper?_

 _Not right now. We're not going to blow apart Hikari's hard work by diving into the tough matters. She made this all to welcome Rei, let's support our fiancée._ "Do you have any issue with wearing grey?" Maya's smile was pleasant, "I think it would look wonderful, but you have to wear it."

"I…would not be opposed to the idea," there was more hesitation as she looked to Hikari.

"I think my family has excellent ideas," the freckle-faced beauty shrugged nonchalantly. "Though, if you don't mind, I'll change the color of the shirt from grey to green. I think the one I typically 'borrow'," she put air quotes around the word, "will look darling on you. I have another shirt of his I'll wear."

Shinji tilted his head quizzically, once more relying on Rei, "Everyone will be wearing his clothing."

"Of course," Hikari stated with equanimity, "we are all sheltering under your protection, My Lord."

His eyes went flat as he raised his eyebrow.

Ducking behind the bluenette, Hikari giggled out, "Save me, Rei! He's going to tickle me!"

"Have you informed Major Ibuki about the issue raised on Friday?" The pilot of Unit-00 asked earnestly, "You seemed intent on reporting an infraction of some sort."

"Rei!" Hikari wrapped her arms around the young woman, clasping her mouth, "You reminded him!" Tugging her willing captive away, she tucked her lips in and winked where only Shinji and Maya could see, "You weren't supposed to take his side."

Watching as Hikari guided their mildly confused guest backwards towards her bath, Shinji let himself smile happily, _You're right, Maya. Waiting a little longer doesn't hurt anything, and that kind of happiness on her face is worth it._ Scooping up Maya, he held her close, _Now…I was thinking we could help each other get clean._

 _Really?_ The Major asked him with falsely-innocent wide eyes, _I was thinking about getting a little dirtier._

+++++ 9th Angel + 7: Saturday (65)

"Thematically I would state that it was nearly prescient," Rei was given a place at Shinji's side, between him and Hikari. "A terrible war, an altering of the landscape, giant beasts threatening humanity," her voice changed slightly, an unidentifiable note entering her song, "a savior sacrificing themselves to give hope to the future."

Shinji signaled his wish that there could be peace reached between the Angels and humanity, as there had been in the film. _It's time. I don't want to miss a chance, Maya._ Shifting himself so that he faced the three women, he took a deep breath and began.

Whereas before, he would use his hands to speak to Rei, he simply allowed Maya to speak his thoughts. The gentle Major had helped position things so that they obscured the cameras around them just enough to provide plausible deniability, "Shinji would prefer it if I spoke for him, so that you aren't forced to both translate and respond, Rei-chan."

The bluenette looked puzzled, starting slightly when Hikari hugged her and held her close, "Is…something wrong? Have I acted in error?"

"No, no," Maya shook her head as Shinji waved the idea off emphatically. "It's regarding…the medical procedures you undergo on level sixteen." She paused as he collected his thoughts, _It's ok, Shinji. We're here. She's not going to be upset. This is for both of you._ Patting his knee comfortingly, she nodded as he continued, "As you might likely have guessed, being somewhat similar, Shinji isn't entirely human anymore."

Rei's anxiety rose, "Has…the Commander authorized you to discuss my odd circumstances, Major?"

"This is going to be a secret from my uncle," Hikari added, soothing her hands along Rei's arms. "We have a number of them, in our house. When Shinji pieced together what had been done to you, he insisted on setting up a safe place to talk about it, free of judgement. A place where you could share what's been going on, if you wanted, and he could tell you what he thought."

"You were able to infer my heritage from extraneous clues?" The pilot of Unit-00 seemed to settle, "You are exceptionally intelligent, it was likely not that difficult."

"It helps that he's part Angel himself, Rei-chan," Maya helped Shinji regain momentum, and deflect away from the source of their knowledge being Nyx. "When he learned about how you were created, his response was, 'At least she's not alone anymore. Knowing there's another person like her will take away some loneliness, I hope'."

"I have not been lonely since you were forced beyond the boundaries of your previous home," a slight smile played about Rei's lips. "While I wish that I had been authorized to speak to you sooner, simply knowing that another pilot was there to take away the pain…helped. When you asked after my health, treated me as if I were 'normal' despite my appearance…it mattered not what our mutual friend said, I knew you were struggling with a lifetime of anxieties. You stretched beyond your zone of comfort to make an effort to befriend me."

"This is where I apologize, Rei," Hikari slid one hand down to hold her longtime classmates. "While there may have been nothing I could do, given the situation you come from, I still should have made a more earnest effort to look after you. I knew you were lonely, and while yes, I did try once a year, I should have tried more often."

"It would not have changed anything," she shook her head. "I was ordered to avoid excessive socialization in order to maintain the integrity of operational security. _He_ did not wish me to have 'friends'."

Shinji scowled, _He's a raging asshole._

"Shinji agrees that his father is responsible for a great deal of suffering," Maya edited Shinji's thought slightly to keep the tone light. "He doesn't care that you're part Angel, he wants to know what you would like out of life. He wants to help you reach for your goals, whatever they may be."

"That may…not be a course of wisdom," Rei hesitated. "Our mutual friend advises caution." Straightening out her spine, she spoke in a clear voice, "While I appreciate what you are offering, I feel I must continue to gather data. There are several competing theories from scholarly sources, and much of what is relevant to our particular situation does not include the factors that limit potential resolutions. What I desire is, while not mutually exclusive to what you yourself may feel capable of offering…it requires that I must take into account my own willingness before I set upon a course of action."

"You don't want to tell us anything?" Maya spread her hands out, "I'm always willing to help find more information, Rei-chan. I have more life experience than anyone in this room, than all of you combined. I'm not just asking because I love Shinji, I'm asking because you deserve the best help I can provide."

"I do not doubt your honesty, Major," Rei inclined her head politely. "However, your position as both NERV Officer and intended mate of Shinji is a part of the conflict I seek to resolve. It would not be appropriate to taint my data by increasing that conflict. If, at some point, I feel that your assistance would be beneficial…have I your permission to seek it out?"

"Absolutely," Maya smiled warmly. _It's never as easy as we'd like, Pup. But this is a good start. Let's trust her to know herself best, and support her as we can._

Shinji looked down at his hands, _I still think I should do more._

"If we can do more," Hikari's statement demonstrated aptly how in-tune she was with her husband-to-be, "we are here for you, Rei. If Misato-san and you…well, if what Shinji tells me is true there's a reason she's been stand-offish. She hasn't told him why, but the fact that he's part Angel as well bothers her immensely. It's likely possible that it bothers her that you have the same heritage."

"Colonel Katsuragi was hired for her expertise, and her connection to the expedition that her father headed." Rei looked to Maya, "Where the Giant of Light was discovered." When Maya simply nodded, not censuring Rei for speaking as she had, she continued, "The previous Commander," she chose to not speak his name for both her and Shinji's sake, "spoke often of how her 'unique intelligence' was required to combat the threats the Angels posed. He intended to control her…energetic tendencies…through giving her a conduit to express her pain and anger."

"I'm probably missing something," Hikari looked between Rei and Maya, "I'm sorry if I was told before. Giant of Light?"

"The first Angel discovered under the ice in the Antarctic," Maya explained with a sigh. "Doctor Katsuragi, Misato's father, believed that it would be the proof he needed to finally have his Super Solenoid theory taken seriously by the scientific community. When they removed an artifact from what they believed to be the carcass, they initiated what we know as 'Second Impact'. She was at Ground Zero."

"The Sub-Commander, incorrectly," Rei looked at Shinji meaningfully, "believes that she is partly responsible for her father's actions. That she bears guilt for the sudden, and tragic, loss of over three billion human lives, as well as thousands of plant and animal species."

"Of course she doesn't," Hikari was appalled. "She was younger then than we are now when that happened, she couldn't have effected the outcome! …She'd have to be wracked with guilt, though," she too looked to Shinji. "You didn't know, did you?"

He shook his head, stunned. _We were told that the coverup story was a lie, that there had been an accident in Antarctica, but nothing specific. No details like that. Maya, Misato's facing all of that alone?_

"She's an adult, Shinji," Maya spoke aloud for the benefit of everyone. "While it is terrible, and I agree she needs to seek therapy, that therapy needs to be with a professional. What we can do, from our place in her life, is be there to support her in seeking help. We can be her friend, make it clear that we don't judge her for her father's actions, and help her understand that the circumstances of our birth do not change what we are in our hearts."

 _You're saying there's nothing I can do?_ He frowned, _Maya, I'm part of her problem._

"You're also part of her solution," she kept her tone even. "She uses crutches, Shinji. Alcohol, men, terrible food. Instead of facing her own demons, she runs from them. She's been better this time through, I agree; you were a shock to her system two months ago. But even if we agreed to have her move in here, and we all tried to shower her with love, both physical and emotional, she'd just be running from her past."

Rei tilted her head, curiosity evident in her eyes, "You would include her in your relationship?"

"Who knows, Rei," Hikari took the burden of answering. "If she could love all of us, accept that she was a part of a greater whole, embrace that she'd never be more, or less, than that? It's possible. While we haven't specifically said anything one way or the other about adding anyone, we've all agreed that those are the basic requirements if someone was to be given a chance to prove they could live with us like that."

"Shinji is adamant, however, that any potential additions be able to love themselves as well." Maya looked over to him with a small frown, "Where did that come from?"

 _Self-sacrifice is something all three of us possess in excess,_ he stated with a shrug. _While that is ok, I've been giving a great deal of thought to how that will scale very poorly. If we all become so busy taking care of each other, and we all refuse to say what we need that the others aren't providing because we're receiving so much already, we might very well end up just like Suzuka and Suzuki-san. Children were, are, so important to him that he slept with another woman to try and have one. Did he not express his needs well enough? Did she not explain that she was tired of the pain failure caused? You made this clear to me, Maya. You tell me when you need something, you don't hide it, you don't hint at it, you_ tell _me. I wish Hikari would._

"Dark agrees with you, has said so in the past," Rei spoke into the silence that follows. "She'll likely be pleased that you've come to that realization, and that you continue to embrace responsibility. It is something I too will have to ponder, as there is wisdom and logic in your thoughts." She looked to Hikari, "Suzuka-san, the woman with the sword, her husband attempted to mate with another woman?"

"It's proof that love isn't always enough, I guess," Hikari toyed with Rei's fingers. "There had to have been better ways for them to find compromise, or maybe they'd tried everything and couldn't see a path forward. We don't know, we're not in their shoes."

"Shinji has asked that Suzuka-san give him some space, as he is pretty well angry that she'd punch his friend," Maya let the hint hang in the air.

"We spoke to her about that," Hikari made a pacifying gesture. "But we didn't have a chance to discuss why you did it, did we?" She smiled warmly, "We're not going to hold a grudge, Rei. Please, let us help. My sister's really good at getting under people's skin, what happened?"

"She…inferred that Shinji may be visiting more often. That he would need a place away from those that sought to control his every action." Rei seemed particularly angry about that, "When I informed her that should such be necessary the apartment I share with the Sub-Commander would serve as an adequate location, she said that he 'belonged to the Horaki family'."

Shinji nodded, _I…did promise that I would always take care of them. That I'd never abandon them._

Rei's eyes began to glow, "I became…angered, hearing that. It sounded far too much like what…what _he_ …."

"It's ok," Hikari hugged her quickly, stroking the side of her head. "My sister is extremely jealous, an affliction I…sometimes share." She blushed, looking away in embarrassment. "It may seem counterintuitive that I'm so happy in the relationship I'm in, if I'm also someone who can be jealous, but…it's because of the people I'm with that it works." Laying her head against Rei's, she smiled, "They'll never cheat. It's not who they are."

 _I'm glad she's taking this so well,_ Shinji looked to Maya. _That she doesn't…hate who she is, I guess? She's had longer to become accustomed, and she probably just doesn't think about it anymore. It's not like we're running around with a whole host of half-Angel, half-human, hybrids._

"I am I," the corners of Rei's mouth turned up slightly. "I can be no other."

"And no matter what," Hikari whispered, "there'll never be another 'you', Rei. You can't ever be replaced."


	78. Chapter 78

+++++ Pre-Author's Note

There is one (known to the actors) person capable of "hearing" Shinji's thoughts: Maya Ibuki. Any non-Human entities are also capable, so the Angels/Aspects and Dark and Gentle. So if the text is italicized, and it's Shinji, that data is free game for the above personnel. When information is written down in-story for other actors to read and/or use, I use single apostrophes to denote it: 'Like this'. Italicized thoughts from any other human is typically indicative of individual thoughts that won't be known to anyone but the non-Human people, again except for Maya who can speak with Shinji in that manner. Non-Humans, of course, only communicate in that manner with Shinji, Maya, and/or Rei.

Does it mean that nothing Shinji "thinks" is private? Yes. He's not alone anymore...ever.

+++++ 9th Angel + 8: Sunday (66)

Shinji worked in the darkened room, quietly reading letters, and even more silently writing responses as the two women he loved slept embracing the unfortunate young woman they had brought further into their confidence. The lack of light was no deterrent to him, as the room seemed well-lit to his inhuman eyes. Many of the original authors had expressed surprise that he had responded so swiftly, others were similarly struck that he'd included a picture of himself and his family. Several had reciprocated, sharing pictures of their loved ones, who had been given a chance to see the young man who was saving the world. Those families had, in turn, written small notes of appreciation. More than one young child had included a drawing of 'epic' confrontations involving far more ballistic projectiles than had ever conceivably been used in Eva operations in both of his timelines.

It was a form of therapy, to him. There were now well over one hundred people who were asking him the silliest of questions. 'What's your middle name?' He didn't have one, though he now knew what those were. 'Is it true you can fly?' Not to his knowledge, he hadn't attempted for fear of hurting himself and being unable to fight. 'Do you really do all of the cooking in your house?' It was a shared responsibility, but he took as many opportunities to as he could.

The occasional serious question would come that forced him to contemplate his answers, but these also served their purpose therapeutically. 'Are you ever afraid?' Yes. But a wise woman told him the best cure for that: fear was only bad if you let it stop you from doing what was right. 'Does it really hurt when you fight?' It does. The pain is temporary, and the price of failure too high to worry over something transient like pain.

One package, that had been opened, inspected, sampled, and only then was it delivered, brought a grin to his face as he looked over the attached letter. One of the first letters to go back out was to the young man who he'd saved from the jet's wing. His mother, in response, baked some cookies after speaking for the first time with an American-Japanese neighbor about what he might like. The neighbor's mother, by happenstance from Nagano, had an old recipe, and the two families worked together to bake the treats. A joint dinner followed, where each clan brought special dishes, and it seemed a friendship had begun to grow where neither had bothered speaking to the other prior to the question about baked desserts.

As he worked over his response, being certain to emphatically express his joy at knowing that the kindly mother had reached out to someone new and tried something she'd never tried, he pondered how far-reaching his efforts had truly become. He had now received letters from nations he'd never seen, from people who'd never known he existed. A single act of desperation on his part, attempting to save the life of a man he'd never met, had now brought two families together that had never met.

 _There is power in making a choice,_ Nyx settled on his lap, laying back against his chest. _These are all_ our _children, and your efforts to save one have now given rise to the salvation of others. The matriarch of the expatriates from your nation, her eyesight is failing. She had, to this point, been forced to sit alone at home and listen to radio broadcasts to have anything to do at all. What this woman does not mention is she has begun to visit with the matriarch. This will, in time, lead to better lives for both. All, my dearest love, because you cannot stand by and watch someone suffer._

Using what he'd learned of interacting with Dark, Shinji wrapped his arms around Nyx and held her close, _Help me, Nyx. I know there is a way to save you without taking away what makes Rei…Rei. She's your daughter too, she deserves more than to be condemned for the acts of those that truly hurt you._ Grasping firmly, his fingers around her midsection, he allowed himself to emote into the embrace, _We can do something better than act like savages about this._

Shifting his hands to where she desired them, she clutched his fingers tightly around the memory of her flesh, _What will you give in return?_ Her tone sultry, she laid her head against his chest, _If I can come up with an answer that will satisfy you…what will you give me, Pet?_

… _I won't hurt them,_ he could cleanly feel what his hands were against, the heat, the warmth of life stroking his mind with pleasure. _Whatever it is I give you, it can't hurt them._ A growing part of him desired the perfect being he held, the subtle, unseen, hints of her presence adding an undeniable allure to everything. _You're…becoming more solid. You're not just in my mind._

 _We are becoming closer,_ her breathing became rapid, shallow. _The more you summon me, the weaker the barriers you place between us, the closer we'll be. The closer we become, the more I can give you._ Her lips met his, _Let me give you everything, Lover. Let me give you all of creation._

The sound of his phone vibrating atop the shirt he'd slept in, neatly folded on the chair beside him, shook him free of the reverie. Snatching it up to prevent it waking anyone, he scowled as the dim light of the display stabbed his eyes, _Suzuki-san?_ Standing quickly, he tucked back into his shirt and pocketed his phone. Nyx still floated around his chest, her arms draped about his neck, _I'm sorry, I…I need time. We've only known each other for a few months, I'm…I'm not that kind of a man._

Not waiting for a response, he summoned Shamshel for a brief instant. Enough to greet the Aspect with a thanks for helping him regain control over his…mind, and a warm wish for a good day. Stepping outside of the house, he beat the appearance of his friend easily, as the man had quite some distance to cover on foot from the gate. The feel of the morning air on his skin was wonderful, cooling his…temper.

"Good morning, Shinji-san," Suzuki greeted him, a distant formality that seemed out of place with how well they knew one another. "I have been told that you cannot speak, and as I do not understand the odd language you use I feel I may have become lucky."

Allowing his expression to speak for him, Shinji frowned, curious as to how a lack of communication could be 'lucky'.

"You see," the man paused, shoving his hands in his pockets, "were you able to speak…I fear you would rightly express your disappointment. In me, and…in the woman I failed. The woman we both, well, we both care for." Taking a deep breath, he gestured to where Suzuka and he would normally begin their daily practice, "Might we take a walk? I have a few things I'd like to say, and since I'm here I may as well help you stretch your legs out."

Inclining his shoulders, acquiescing easily, Shinji waved enough to get Suzuki to look at him, then gestured to the man's well-bruised cheek.

"Yeah, that's…that's part of what I wanted to address." Setting a brisk pace, the man demonstrated his own physical fitness by not sounding winded in the slightest as he spoke, "I cannot rightly say that your anger is correctly placed. So long as you are not also placing it upon my shoulders, you are merely blaming half of the guilty."

Pulling out his phone, Shinji typed out, 'I _am_ disappointed. In you, in her. You are both adults! You know that words should be exhausted before fists are engaged.'

"Thank you, Toshiro," the man sighed, wryly naming the dead. "That…may I still call you my friend, or has that been yet another cost of this series of misadventures?" His eyes, as they caught Shinji's, spoke of a man that was suffering through a crisis. Much as Maya had said of Misato, the man was an adult, and in her opinion required help that only another adult ought to be able to provide.

 _But he's also my friend. Right, or wrong. Abandoning him now, even if what he did was wrong, isn't in me to do._ 'We're friends. Though I might not be able to seat you and Suzuka together if you're going to start a brawl at my reception.'

Barking out a laugh, Suzuki shook his head, "No, no fights." Walking in silence for a time, they both simply appreciated the sky, the sounds of nature, and the presence of the other man.

 _I'm caught. Between worlds, between groups of people, between ancient enemies. How is it that no matter where I go, I'm always in the center of some storm? Is it me?_ Shinji tried to come up with some way to ask any of the million questions he had of the man beside him. Were they trying to fix their marriage? Was there a marriage to fix? Why would he agree to punch her, even if she had struck him first? There was nothing to be gained there, and that action above all was the thing that stuck in his craw. _You don't hit the people you love._

As if he had read Shinji's mind, Suzuki sighed again, "The agreement we came to, when the elders told us we were to marry, was that as warriors we would not bend our knee. If I made the mistake of lashing out," he smirked ruefully, "because I had quite the temper when I was younger, she would be free to act to defend herself and would be given adequate opportunity for reprisal. That meant both of us were well aware of what would happen when I made the first mistake."

He typed out the obvious question, 'Why?'

"Let me arrive at my own pace," Suzuki waved his hand to bid for time. "Three times, in my memory, have either of us been put in a situation where reprisal was necessary. Twice have I had to, and once has she. Neither of us enjoys it, neither of us is eager to do so, but our word was given. Ultimately, it is our word that has caused much of our current…and likely final, dilemma." He held out a finger, "The first, was what prompted me to take up woodworking. I had no place to put the excess of energy I had, and while that is no excuse, it was the cause of my temper boiling over when she made the 'mistake' of tapping the ground with her blade to garner my attention one too many times."

'How old were you?'

"Twenty five," the man snorted. "A child, far less mature than you, my boy. Age is an indicator, a beginning point for assessing maturity, at the best of times. At worst, it is a mark of shame. I turned around, when she did what she'd done for several years without my saying a word to state how irritating the habit was, and slapped her." He grimaced, "I regret that act to this day. Her reprisal, once I demanded it as a matter of honor, was nowhere near hard enough to satisfy it. True, she struck me harder than I did her, but no. Not nearly hard enough."

Shinji could hear the truth of the matter in his song, Suzuki hadn't once lied, not even a mild one to save face. 'I couldn't agree to that kind of a relationship. I'd never, in my darkest dreams, survive striking Hikari or Maya. I'd take my own life first, or not long after.'

"Your temper is focused inward," Suzuki nodded. "You hate yourself, you feel your actions are inadequate, incompetent. But you forgive others easily for things many would hold grudges for." He smiled softly, "Your temperament is something that inspires me, you know? A body made for war, a heart that defends even those unworthy of being defended, and a sense of honor that demands you do your best even when half that will suffice." Looking over, he shrugged, "I will admit, I am here partly to hopefully convince you to not abandon the Shirakami for what I've done. You are what our family needs. We need someone to inspire _us_."

'I don't leave my friends behind, and I don't abandon family, Suzuki.' Leaving the honorific off, he held the words out firmly. 'Succeed together, or fail together, anything less and I'm not being a teammate. I'm being a leech.'

"Thank you, then. That stain would never have washed away," the relief was evident in his tone. "The second time, she struck me. I said something disparaging of a man she had once held in high regard, inferring that anyone who would fall for such a spineless coward deserved the lifetime of regret which followed." He snorted, "Her strike was nothing more than a training blow. A slap that did little more than create noise. Still," he gestured towards Shinji's phone, "there should not be any excuse in a marriage for such."

'So you struck her back?'

"After she called honor onto the table." He looked off to the horizon, "honor." The way he said the word, it was obvious he held doubts regarding how much he had, and how much his wife had. "This third, and as I said likely final, time…. When I say what I will, Shinji, I do not intend it in any way to be considered your fault." He kept his eyes averted, "You bear no blame. Existing is not criminal. Being who you are is no sin. I, and regardless of what you think, I alone carry this burden."

Shinji scowled, 'No one carries their burdens alone in a family, Suzuki. Isn't that the point of one?'

"Most times, not always." He slowed their pace, stopping them far afield from the house, "There are some things that are simply too personal to involve others. In my case…I will see my forty third winter this year. When my father was forty three, I was a touch younger than you. I was learning his arts, his crafts, his tactics and his stratagems. It was this way for him and his father, and his father, and his father. On down the line of my family, for so many turnings of the scroll…." He took a deep breath, "And then, me."

Shinji nodded, attempting to indicate that he was listening.

"I am a failure, Shinji." His jaw clenched, tears held back, "I have gone to doctor after doctor, as has Suzuka. There has been no indication, not one, that either of us is infertile. Methods were attempted, both natural and medical…over a decade we have tried." He held his hands out, "I have no son. I have no legacy. I have no one to pass on traditions that existed before our nation was whole! I leave behind…nothing." Gesturing to Shinji, he smiled, a pained smile, "Not that you are 'nothing'. That which I taught you, many of the moves that Suzuka herself says you have mastered admirably, should never have been given to you. So…desperate, was I to leave something behind that I broke traditions." His eyes saccaded, "Then…watching you rapidly grow well under our tutelage, watching you become someone great…I broke more."

Taking the measure of the man before him, Shinji saw a man desperate to understand his own actions. Suzuki was not attempting to defend himself, he was using Shinji as a sounding board. He was speaking aloud what had passed through his own mind hundreds, thousands of times a day. _He says that it is not my fault. I just wish that I could help._

"Never once has a man in my line committed adultery. Until now." Visibly disgusted with himself, he shook his head, "What was I to do? I could not gain a child by my wife. I could not adopt, not and continue my line. I could not perform my duty. _My duty!_ " He punched one hand into the other, "I was torn, Shinji. Torn between my word and my honor. My oath and my duty. Then…then I overhear Suzuka and Gen speaking. She mentions, innocently, that you appeared to be at first blush quite the handsome catch. My wife." He looks down, "My wife says that were she a single woman, you might not have lived with the Horaki family."

Shinji quickly typed out a message on his phone, holding it out only to have his friend gently push it away without looking.

"No. There is no disgrace in a woman appreciating someone's appearance and demeanor, even if she is married. I have more than once thought that Nanako was a fine bride herself. Intelligent, cunning, graceful, and poised." He smiled, "I would never think of touching what belonged to my brother. There is no shame in thinking or appreciating, Shinji. Nor do I fault you for admiring Suzuka. She is a fine, fine woman." His smile dropped suddenly, "I curse the day I met her."

It hurt him to see the man before him broken so. _Mistakes were made, but this doesn't have to be the end. Can't you see that?_

"Unfortunately," Suzuki continued, "I have to remind you of the temper I had in my youth. The youth that I felt…that I feel I squandered on a beautiful, empty, vessel. I walked out of the house and travelled to a bar out of town. I ordered one drink." He paused, attempting to prepare himself for the admission, "I sat down, and I stared at that drink for an hour. The barkeep made some noise about me drinking or moving on, so I handed him a hundred thousand yen note and an order to shut his mouth."

Feeling like a passenger on a ride he didn't want to be on, Shinji could do nothing but wait for the end.

"A young woman saw the ease with which I handed over such money and asked what it was I did for a living." He shook his head, "I told her the same thing we tell everyone. 'I solve problems. Just not my own.' She asked what it cost to hire me. Her 'problem' was that she couldn't get out of debt to a minor tough. Gesturing to the other side of the bar, sitting in a darkened corner like some horrid 'B' movie depiction of a Yakuza, is this tattooed degenerate pretending to be a big fish in a small pond." He snorted, "I asked her how much she owed him. Fifty thousand." He showed his watch, "This is worth fifteen times that. This…prat, was holding a woman hostage for a pittance.

"I hand her my drink and go ask the young man to forgive her debt. As a favor to the Shirakami." He rolled his eyes, "If he knew anything, he'd know that was easily worth far more than the debt. His response?" Suzuki chuckled, "He told me to get lost." Flexing his fingers, he cracked the joints, "I snapped his nose. Broke the table with his face and threw him out the back door. Best two hundred thousand I ever spent. I felt great. I felt young. Virile." He shook his head, "Broken oaths. She and I got drunk. We went back to her…rat hole of an apartment, and we had sex like I hadn't bothered trying with my wife in a decade. Wild, passionate, animalistic…. She's living nearby now. I've been sneaking out for a month to see her. To rekindle my youth." His eyes held little light, "I even got drunk once, stumbled home and attempted to follow up with Suzuka. To use what I'd found in another woman with my own wife." He snorted, "She kneed me in the sack, tossed me out of the room, and told me to sober up before coming back in."

Shinji suddenly remembered the conversation with Suzuka, where she'd warned him against drinking to excess.

"And so here we are, now." Suzuki's song was conflicted, "The reason for the third time our 'honor' has come before sense." Stuffing his hands in his pockets, half his mouth curled into a smile, "As it turns out, I am most definitely not incapable of encouraging a pregnancy. Or so the young lady in question swears." His laugh was as lost as his eyes seemed to be, "I'm only half a fool, and will definitely insist on a genetic test when possible but…if I am a father, Shinji…."

 _At what cost?_ Not knowing whether to congratulate the man for being a father-in-potentia or shake the man for acting a fool, Shinji instead tapped out a new message, 'What do you intend to do, then?' _It's not my life. If this is so important to him that he gave up on his honor, then it is his road to walk._

Suzuki's demeanor changed, confident certitude regaining control, "Apply for a divorce, set up appropriate alimony to uphold what little honor I have left to offer her. Allow Suzuka to find someone worthy of her, and…if this young woman tells the truth…guide my child toward the paths I strayed from in my weakness." Flicking his elbow to indicate Shinji himself, he smiled, "Perhaps introduce them to you, give them a man to aspire towards…if you wouldn't mind serving as a better example than I am."

"It might not be a good idea to aspire towards a man with two wives," Shinji raised an eyebrow sardonically. Risking a coughing fit, he let his dark, gravelly, rumble make the point that he was also flawed.

"Spirits, lad, you sound terrible," Suzuki laughed.

"Don't evade my point, Suzuki. You're going to have to explain to everyone why you think I'm so much better, when I have two wives." Shinji gestured back towards the house, "Yes, they love each other as much as I love them, but it's still abnormal. Potentially immoral."

"No." The teacher came back out from the man, "Never that. You had every chance to stray, and you refused. You stayed true to Hikari until she pushed Maya into your relationship. Shinji, you are not living immorally, you're just living a life off the beaten path. You aren't bound by tradition, outdated modes of honor…hidebound nonsense. Your way of life is not for everyone, absolutely true, but you manage with _actual_ honor what our rules would say is dishonorable. While I did in dishonor what our rules allow, even if archaically."

Shinji's eyebrows knit down, "Wait…allow?"

"I've had the Shirakami's blessing to seek a woman to impregnate for eight years." Suzuki shook his head, "It was my personal honor, not my family's, that kept me from doing this. My weakness, not their strength, that led me here. My desire to mold a child to be like _you_ ," he gestured towards Shinji, "which led me to an act that couldn't be less like you."

"…She still shouldn't have hit you. You shouldn't have hit her in reprisal." Shinji gestured again to the man's eye, "As bad as your infidelity was…and as upset as I am that you would hurt my friend like that…I'm even more upset that you would _punch_ each other. That you would agree to that. Ritualize it. _Formalize_ it."

"Young and stupid, is what I was." He nodded, agreeing with Shinji's condemnation, "That's further reason for me to come here today…please, forgive her. She deserved to punch me for violating her trust. You may not feel so, but I do. Damn it, it's my honor!" He slapped his chest, "If I say that she deserved to punch me, who are you, who is anyone to say otherwise?"

"Your f-friend," Shinji coughed as he barked out his retort. "You d-deserve better, d-damn it!"

 _Steady, Shinji_ , Dark's voice preceded her landing on his shoulder. _You're doing fine. Keep calm. You'll need your voice today, don't kill it by yelling now. The man's not fully right, but neither is he fully wrong. Wouldn't you want to feel Maya and Hikari's wrath, should you do something so terrible?_

Suzuki looked away, contrition flooding his face, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled. You're healing, and I'm here to beg for clemency for the woman I wronged." Closing his eyes, he bowed to Shinji, "I'm sorry. Do not punish her because I failed."

"You still love her," lowering his volume, he took his time forming the words.

Slowly standing upright, the pain was evident in his song, "Of course I do. I never stopped loving her. But love isn't enough, Shinji. It carries you far, it does, but it can't carry you forever." His eyes held Shinji's, pleading, "Don't. Let her visit, let her speak, let her spend her time around the one person who'll be there when everyone she knows now is dead. She's flawed, she's _human_." He caught Shinji's eyes widening, "Yes. I know she's immortal. I'm not stupid, nor inobservant. Her archaisms, her memories, the fact that her family tree…doesn't exist anymore. I know you are too. No normal man could heal as you do, could fight as you do, grow as you do. She has finally found a friend that will be there until the Earth itself burns to ash. Please," he pressed his hands together in supplication, "I will give you anything, Shinji. I will swear undying allegiance to your house. Be there for the woman _we_ love."

 _I'd accept his offer,_ Dark ran her fingers through his hair. _He needs an anchor. He needs something to tether himself to that he can take confidence in. You're not going to be mad at his wife forever, you're barely mad at her now. Give him a path forward, force him to deliver the path forward to her as an act of penance, and let your natural tendencies help them heal. Sometimes, Shinji, leadership is simply letting your subordinates_ think _they're being punished._

The concept made a great deal of sense. He missed the routine of having Suzuka there in the mornings. Having someone he could talk to about being 'different'. _I made it two days before changing my mind, aren't I going to be seen as a pushover?_

 _No. You'll be seen as 'benevolent' at worst._ The otherworldly being patted his head, _I told you I'd help you. I've captained this ship for a very long time, leadership is something I know very well. Let me use my experience to guide you. Make him your vassal, swear him to a task. Give him something to cling to as his life is undergoing massive changes. When things are calmer, re-approach the situation and lay out firmer guidelines so that you don't feel like you're taking advantage of him. It's just formalizing what people would want from a Lord._

"I want her to find those graves, first," Shinji glowered, his voice dreadfully quiet. He was angry with the situation, with the fact that he had to pretend to be cruel in order to show kindness. It translated, to Suzuki, as grudging acceptance of his pleas. "You will tell her, in person, that the instant she has those graves located, she can come speak to me. I want her to tell me, in person, why she thinks I'm pissed off, and nothing before either of those. I want _you_ to do everything you can to keep that baby and her mother healthy. While you're doing that, find out if it's yours. If it's not, find the father and force him to explain why he's not paying his share. If there's a reason…work within the situation. Like the lady I sent to Nanako-san, there could very well be a reason. He's human, like everyone else."

Suzuki nodded, eager to hear what he had to say, to be given purpose, "Understood."

"If you are going to serve my household," Shinji made the decision to commit, to trust Dark, "you will make an apology to that household. Hikari, Nozomi-chan…and you will find and apologize to Kodama. You failed to live up to what Toshiro Horaki expected of you. You struck their Aunt. Right or wrong, honor-bound agreement or no, you struck their Aunt." Folding his hands before his lap, as he'd seen Kozo do, he kept his shoulders relaxed, "She will be apologizing for striking their Uncle, do not mistake me." An idea came to him, "Leave the reason for the argument out of your apology to Nozomi-chan. We both know why."

"A disagreement without possible resolution, a mistake I made that cannot be unmade," the man nodded again. "She is still young, and does not need to be given the whole story as yet." There was a growing sense of relief, "I failed, Shinji. I failed _hard_. That she will have someone, such as you, to lean on as she finds her footing again is more than I deserve to know, and less than she deserves to have."

"You both will have someone to lean on," he hated to disagree with Maya, but it just wasn't in him to sit back and not act. _I'll talk to Misato today._ "I promise."

+++++ 9th Angel + 8: Sunday (66)

Making breakfast for three women was easy enough, after he'd seen Suzuki to the gate. Hikari had no particular demands for meat, at any meal. Maya wanted something filling but not fattening. Rei _needed_ vegetarian-focused food. Since Rei wasn't one to force her requirements on others, he started with what would work for her and added more while taking away others to tailor the meals to suit what everyone needed individually.

 _It's going to be busy today. The Angel will arrive. We'll have to fight. Rei should eat more, because we'll be in the Evas longer. Maya will need more, because she'll probably use her connection to me too much. Hikari will want less, but I might be able to sneak in enough to bolster her while she's waiting for the fight to be over._ He grimaced, _I hate leaving her behind. I hate it. I_ hate _it._

Dark appeared on the counter, far more distinct than ever, _It's not easy, fighting while those you love may be in danger. It does speak well of you that you worry, but I'd recommend against lingering on it. She'll be safe, far safer than you._

He reached over and patted her shoulder in thanks for the words, _I just wish…I wish I could put her somewhere I_ know _will be safe. Away from hundreds, thousands, of terrified people._

Dark snorted a laugh, _Why? She's building a reputation as a leader there. She doesn't talk to you about it, because she doesn't see it as anything special. Her shelter consistently has calmer children, happier adults, and fewer conflicts. She organizes activities, classes, games. The civil leaders know her on sight, and her cadre of guardians have only reinforced her status as someone 'special'. It's not your fault that she focuses on you, but I have to agree with that stray thought you shared with the other one. She should talk to you more._

"She talks to me about it," Maya slipped into the kitchen. "I think she forgets to say anything to you because she's said it to someone already." Hopping up on her toes to kiss Shinji as he bent over sideways to allow the action, she trailed her fingers along his back and moved to the coffee machine, "If you'd rather not be confrontational, or if you think it might end up seeming as if you're angry rather than concerned, I can talk to her?"

"If you think that would be best," he frowned. "I'm not afraid of asking for it, though."

"Then go for it," she poured a cup and shrugged with a smile. "You aren't wrong, more communication is better. It's been so busy lately, and so much has been happening, that a lot of stuff keeps getting pushed off. I wish I could sit down for a few minutes and write down everything we need to discuss, but every time I think about doing it I remember that would involve writing down stuff we _shouldn't_ be writing down. Admitting things we can't admit to."

His perception of her comment changed, his fears that she might be pushing him to do or be things he didn't want to do or be fading as quickly as they arose, "I know. The two of us know how much is going to go terribly wrong. Five weeks of Angels, and probably more after that." Flipping off the burner to serve everyone, he tested the water, "I think I'm going to talk to Misato. I want her to hear, from me, that I'm there for her."

"Ok," Maya shrugged. "If you think that will help you focus today, would you like me to be there in case she becomes overbearing?"

"No. I'd rather she feel like I'm comfortable around her." Setting the spatula back down, he put himself into his work, "I won't be discussing anything specific, I just want her to know I'm there if she needs me. She's been there for me, and I have faith she'll be there for me in the future. I can't be her everything, but I can at least help her find a better path."

"Sounds like you've got a good idea of what you want, then," smiling, she slipped back past him towards the table. "I'm proud of you. Mature, reasonable, and balanced. Not that long ago, you'd go running off without thinking about the consequences." Pausing at the door to kick her heel up behind her and flash some leg, she winked, "No wonder I'm in love."

Blushing as she sauntered off, Shinji let the warmth flow from her words to his chest, _She loves me. They all love me._

Dark tapped him with her toes, _You're a loveable guy, when you use that brain of yours. Stopping to think, and processing what you've seen before acting, that's really increased your appeal._ Grinning, she rubbed her hands together, _Have you given any thought to tying the two of us closer together? Since we're talking about uncomfortable conversations._

Hefting the tray with everyone's breakfast, he avoided striking his otherworldly guest with the tray as he exited the kitchen, _How would that work? What would it provide? You haven't had Rei talk to me about it, and so I haven't really thought about it._

"Yay, breakfast in bed!" Hikari cheered sleepily, glomping onto Rei, "Best sleepover ever."

Rei let herself be manhandled, "You had stated this was your first sleepover, that would indicate a lack of sufficient comparable experiences to accurately gauge how this one performed."

Sitting on his shoulder once more, Dark shrugged, _Simple. I provide a signal amplifier, you ingest it, your body becomes an antenna. Focusing on the signal you produce, I appear and disappear in physical form at will. It will also help you tune out the bitch without having to call on the songs inside of you._

"I would prefer to continue studying the long-term repercussions of his ingesting that form of matter before we implement that strategy," Rei accepted her breakfast with a nod of thanks. "Other solutions may be less permanent, and equally reliable."

"You know," Hikari smiled as Shinji set her meal down, "I really wish I heard them. I'd not have to constantly ask what was spoken of, and I'd be able to provide my perspective."

 _That's possible to achieve, but not recommended,_ Dark dropped off his shoulder onto a seat. _I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but your Major will never be able to separate from you. Should something happen similar to what you've seen between the two instructors you favor, she'll always hear your thoughts. Always. Imagine the joy of her hearing your thoughts as you realize she loves someone more? Or the reverse?_

Shinji's eyes widened as he froze with Maya's breakfast half extended, "That's-"

"Just fine," gently retrieving the food, the elder of the three lovers stated without hesitation. "One, I will never leave, or cheat. What I have, here? This is everything I've ever wanted, unlike Suzuka and Suzuki I am not shy about speaking my mind to make what I want or need known. Two, it's becoming easier with time to ignore his thoughts and vocalizations. I'm actually gaining some insight into what people who suffer from hallucinations experience. It's fascinating." Hauling Shinji down beside her, she looked at him seriously, "And three, you saved me. Yes, there is a 'you break it, you buy it' point to be made, but in this…you do what will make you happy. You are not a bad person, and what makes you happiest will ninety nine times out of one hundred makes me happy."

"Still," Shinji blushed again, enjoying being held. "I can't endorse Hikari having to exist in my head. I saved your life…I'll accept the cost and do my best to help you live your life around it. But at least one of us needs to live their lives without additional hardships."

"What if I want to?" Tilting her head to the side, Hikari's eyes weighed him, "What if I'm fine with knowing what you're suffering through all the time?"

Maya responded evenly, "What if he chooses to embrace your sister? What if he chooses to embrace your Aunt? There are people that have made their intentions known, to varying degrees, that you yourself aren't opposed to him being with. Your statement, to him, was that you don't want to know about it, if or when it happens." Pushing her spoon against Shinji's lips to force him to eat something, she shrugged, "I don't mind knowing, or having him and Kodama together in my mind. I, unlike you, can appreciate how sexy she is and at most it will simply be voyeuristic pornography. You? That's a tall ask, Hikari."

"I hadn't thought of it that way," she sagged. Stabbing her spoon in her rice, she rocked her head from side to side, "That would just end with me being a jealous bitch for weeks until the memory faded."

Rei paused in her rapid consumption of breakfast, "You do not mind him partnering with your sister?"

"Yes and no," Hikari shrugged. "There's some stuff that we haven't talked about yet. It would really help you understand, but we just don't have the time needed to get into all of it. Let's just say that there are good reasons I'm not adamantly opposed to the idea, and that I trust Shinji to do what's best for him. If he does, I'll have some rules that she'll need to agree to. If he doesn't, I'll have to work harder to get her to back off."

Dark set her chin on his shoulder, _What about others? Like, for example, a certain Angelic bitch that wants to breed with you._

"I think he's done a fine job pushing that off," Maya shook her head. "I've spoken to Hikari about it, and we're trying to not make a huge deal out of it. There are certain things he might have to do in order to keep us all together. Or to forestall terrible things. Or even just to keep the peace. He doesn't want to kill anyone, and that will require sacrifices."

"I will not put rules in place that would cost us everything," Hikari realized what was being spoken of and lifted her chin proudly. "He is not…that kind of man. He will not seek it out for pleasure, he will do what he must because he must."

"Our mutual friend intends that this might be a good reason to simply remove the temptation," Rei set aside her now empty tray. "It is one of the points she has raised in favor of her plan."

"I am speaking with Nyx, trying to find a way to broker peace." Shinji looked to Rei, "She wants something, and I won't let her hurt-", a small tremblor shook the room, "damn it." Setting his food back on the sofa, he stood, "Ok. It's time to get ready to fight." Gritting his teeth, he wanted to say, 'screw it' and continue the conversation, but safely getting everyone where they needed to be took priority.

+++++ 10th Angel + 0: Sunday (66)

Walking into the conference room in his plugsuit, Shinji arrived before everyone but Misato. The violet-haired warrior was leaned over a map filled with projections and calculations, constantly updating with the MAGI's confidence growing in the Tenth Angel's targeting, "You're early. Meeting's not for another ten."

"I wanted to touch base," Shinji's rumble drew her eyes up to him. "Sorry. I know I sound terrible."

Scooping her hair out of her eyes, her scowl lessened as she saw he was smiling sadly, "All the grunge, none of the smoking habit. Was there nothing they could do to help you? Antibiotics…I don't know, something?"

"Everyone is doing everything they can." Approaching slowly, unhurriedly, he shrugged and laced his fingers behind his head, "I'm really lucky. Temple-san, Kaz-san, everyone in the Corpsmen, they're constantly looking at my blood, my growth chart, my…other samples." He blushed, "They're looking for anything they can do to keep me in the fight." Reaching her side, he looked down at the map, "Then there's the Damned. I haven't done very well by them lately, but they're still talking to me. I get texts from Feelgood, I even had Raffle visit the other night. They're really busy with the losses their Squadron took a few Angels ago. I don't blame them for taking a few weeks to take care of themselves."

"From what I hear, she's working out very well in the Mess," Misato nudged him with her fist. "She mentioned to her supervisor that she refuses to do anything less than her best, because you stuck up for her. Your word is on the line, and she wants to make sure that your word means something."

"I had good examples to follow, once I got here." He looked over to her meaningfully, "You turned your life around. You've cut back on drinking, people say they're really inspired by your dedication when you're on duty…they even say that they'd rather _you_ be in charge. Some of them, at least."

"The ones I haven't torn to pieces, maybe," she snorted. Her frown returned, "You really do emit an aura of calming…don't you?"

"So do you." He gestured to her, "Knowing that you're on the bridge? That 'Mother' is keeping an eye on the situation while I'm in the thick of it? I can focus because the people around me are doing their best. They're doing their best because their leader is showing them how it's done. This…aura? The song that's constantly playing around me? If I didn't have that, would people still work hard to help me?"

Misato looked taken aback, "Shinji, people work…damn it." Punching the table, she swore again, more vehemently, " _Damn it!_ " Pushing him to face her, she hugged him violently, "No. No, damn you, no. My problems are not going to become your problems. You have earned every ounce of goodwill here, Shinji. You've bled, you've fought, you've damn near died for it. Don't let my…anger, don't let whatever it is I'm being me and doing make you doubt your worth."

Gently cradling her, Shinji desperately wanted to call forth Shamshel, to give Misato peace…but he needed to have her focused on combat. The two might not play well together, and risking everything for one person wasn't the move she'd want to make. "Don't doubt your worth either…ok?" Sitting, he was ever so slightly taller than she was standing, and as he reached a seated position he was able to look her in the eye with all the sincerity he could muster, "I love you, Misato Katsuragi. I know, in my heart, that you will fight tooth and nail for me. Together, we'll get better. One step forward at a time."

Looking away, her song rang with self doubt, "You shouldn't make a lady offers you can't keep."

He squeezed her hands until she looked back at him, "I'm offering my help. Nothing more. I can't promise that we'll ever be complete, or that we'll even be happy. I just promise that I'll be there as we try to get _better_. I have Hikari, and Maya, and Nozomi, and, and, and. It may sound greedy," he grinned, "but I want Misato too. I want terrible movie nights and sarcastic penguins. I want horrible pizza and cheap beer. To steal a line from Noelle-san, if friends is all you and I will ever be? Let's be the best damn friends we can be."

"Shinji," her eyes searched his, and she bit her lip. "I…I want to _fix_ you. I want you to not be only part-human. Everyone else wants to ignore what you've become. They want to treat you like nothing's been done to you. I can't just look aside and let this go! You're my guy, _you_ are why _I_ am fighting right now. What good is my position, my title, my friendship if it can't save one…wonderful young man?"

 _Offer to let her have people run tests. Make them promise to be honest with her about the results, but calm._ Dark's voice whispered into his ear, _You can't be 'fixed' Shinji, not without resetting everything. But if the_ effort _is made, she'll slowly adjust to the_ reality _of the situation. She'll see how you accept this, how it doesn't bother you. You can, in time, ask that she go in and talk to someone. With enough favors for her, she'll owe you that one simple thing. This too is leadership, just leadership among peers._

The idea held a great deal of merit, "If I agree to a few tests a week," he held up his hand, "because I have so much that I'm already promised to, only a few a week…will that make you happy?"

"You'll…you're willing to?" Her eyes regained a great deal of hope with that one offer, "You'll tell Maya that you offered, that I didn't force you or anything?"

"As a favor to you," he nodded. "Because we do things for the people we love…right?"

"Yes!" Wrapping her arms around his head, she buried him in a marshmallow hell. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" Bouncing up and down she kept him in her embrace, "I love you too, Shinji. Oh, I love you so much!"

"I swear to a god I no longer believe in," Asuka's voice rang dangerously from the door, "if you two are going to be getting married too, I will climb in Unit-02 and destroy whatever part of Tokyo-3 this Angel leaves intact."

Shinji wanted to turn and face the redhead, to explain the situation, but was unable to pry himself from the Misatoctopus without using excessive vigor. Instead, he was forced to listen as the woman holding him, face-first, against most men's idea of paradise growled a retort to his wingman.

"He's offering to see doctors for me," the mix of command and long-simmering anger made him flinch. "Something he doesn't want to do but is doing anyway because he loves me. Do not come in here and cheapen that because you're having a bad week."

A new voice joined the redhaired pilot, "Colonel, while I can appreciate motivating your troops, perhaps allowing them to _breathe_ might also be a consideration?" Philip's voice came closer, though not hurriedly, "I hear oxygen does good things for the soul."

"Oh," letting Shinji fall back, she smiled apologetically down at him, "sorry. I get clingy, you know that."

Waving off her concern, he turned to face his fellow pilot as Misato turned back to the map and her thoughts. The instinctive desire to make certain that Asuka was ok was choked off as Dark squeezed his shoulder.

 _Don't. Ready for combat, let her set the pace. This one's all hard-charging and fire. You did the right thing last time, making jokes and keeping everyone friendly. Do the same._ She released his shoulder, rubbing the back of his neck, _You can do it. Let her come to you, later._

He stood, squaring his shoulders and hating himself, "You ready for another kill? I get the feeling this is going to be a team effort," reaching out, he gripped her upper arm, "I'm glad I've got you here for it."

Tapping his chest, she changed the topic, "I'm glad they fixed your suit. Think they should have gone with something a bit flashier, but you being you, I can see why they didn't."

Looking down at himself, he followed Dark's advice, "Really? Maybe something in a pink? Something that's between your plugsuit and Ayanami's?" He grinned as she blinked in confusion, "I mean, really flashy…yeah?"

"Maybe something in a purple," she choked out a laugh. "Like your Eva. Or, if they have to, a much darker blue. Something regal. You're the one representing us in public, they should show that!"

"Submit a sketch," Maya offered by way of greeting. "Send me a color palette, and where you think the color jointing should be, and I'll see what I can do. I used what we had at hand to get him out of the previous model, so I'm not emotionally bound to this version either." Taking the seat between her fiancé and Misato, she set out her equipment, "I think it's great that you're looking at it with an eye to public perception."

Asuka's song warbled between surprise and pleasure, "I will. Are there any limitations that you can list off the top of your head?" She stepped around Shinji to stand closer to Maya than she'd ever come, eager to seize an opportunity for a more active hand in something other than piloting Unit-02.

Moving to approach the foreign General, allowing Maya to build a bridge between camps, Shinji attacked a new problem while they waited, "Good morning, General. Is now a good time to ask something…not related to Angels falling from the sky?"

"Any time is good for that, my boy," Philip smiled kindly. "What can I do to help?"

He ducked his shoulders quickly in gratitude, "It's about…Idunn-san. I haven't seen her around, lately. Is she…uhm…."

"She has taken a step back from active management of the situation," his song carried a hint of sadness. "I believe she might have burned herself out slightly, and just needs some time to recharge. As you know, she has many responsibilities, and is fully capable of meeting them, but anyone can be pushed too hard." His eyes danced as he clearly thought through what he could or should say as his song spoke of the many half-truths being uttered, "Have you considered mailing her?"

"I already have, three times." Shinji saw that her supervisor plainly was neither unsympathetic towards his concerns, nor exceedingly eager to step into a situation that he wasn't directly involved in from the start. "I'm sorry, sir. I understand."

"I doubt that very much, lad," the old warhorse snorted. "I can't rightly say that I understand her motivations, and I've been working with her for over a decade. Keep trying, from time to time. I think she's being a bit too extreme myself, but it's not my place to force the issue." Spying Rei quietly enter, Philip inclined his head politely, "Good morning, Miss Ayanami. You look relaxed this morning; did you have a good night's rest?"

"My Lead Pilot provided well for my needs," Rei bowed slightly in return. "His household is a place of calm and peace, I was able to share in their evening without feeling as if I were invading their privacy."

"Bon. We receive frequent reports of the Horaki family being responsible for much of the orderly behavior in the shelters they occupy," Philip smiled broadly. "It is well that as compatriots you support each other, and that you feel comfortable in partaking in what each other can provide."

Kozo entered next, trailing Ritsuko, "Good, it looks like we're all here." Another tremblor shook the room at his statement, forcing everyone but Shinji to hold to a nearby surface. Spying Rei latched onto Shinji's arm, the old professor smiled, then looked around the room at everyone, "I think you all understand why we're here, so let's get down to it."

Helping Rei over to her seat, as the young woman seemed reluctant to release her grasp on him, Shinji placed her on the other side of Asuka from him, _Sorry, Maya. I only have two sides and keeping them from each other seems more professional._

 _I agree, you're doing just fine._ The Chief of the Science Division looked to Misato, "It looks like our initial projections were correct. The Angel's mass is more than sufficient to create a crater upon impact that would reach all the way down to Terminal Dogma. Priority must be given to preventing an unabated strike."

"The Angel has sufficient mass to require the creation of Tokyo-4 if it hits us even obliquely," Ritsuko sat down unwrapping another sucker. "We don't have anything in our arsenal to slow it down, it'd be like a toddler throwing peas at a freight train."

"So we'll catch it," Shinji looked to Misato. "That's the plan, right?"

"Catch it?" Asuka looked at him askance, "It's not exactly small."

"If Major Ibuki's calculations are correct, if all three of you extend your A.T. Fields to maximum…you stand a forty-two percent chance of depriving the Angel of enough momentum to avoid having it level the surrounding prefectures." The violet-haired beauty looked between Shinji and Asuka, seeming to evade Rei's eyes, "I will admit, this could very easily be considered a suicide mission. If you want to fill out a will, or…even if you want to sit it out."

"No," Shinji led by example. "My friends, my family, my people are in danger. I will not sit any fight out, and I will not die. This can't be the last Angel, and I can't let myself rest so long as they're in danger."

"I told him I'd watch his six," Asuka sat up straight. "I can't die here, and I sure as hell won't let him handle this on his own."

Rei's tone was placid, "Where my Lead Pilot goes, I follow."

Misato paused, nodding slowly, "All right then. Here's where you're going to be deployed." Tapping the map twice, it transferred all of the data to the screen behind her. Three circles, seemingly randomly placed, showed the general areas of deployment.

"I don't see it," Ritsuko spoke around the stem of her candy, "why there?"

"Intuition," she shrugged. "Unit-01 will be closest to the center of the anticipated impact zone. Lead Pilot Ikari has faster reaction times and can correct and reposition more easily than either of the other two units. Unit-02 will be furthest, she will need time to reach top speed, which means she can start running sooner without overshooting the eventual target." Another hesitation, "Unit-00 has both a lower top speed and slower response time, so it goes between."

"It makes s-sense," Shinji coughed as he spoke up for the plan. Having carried it out once already, and seeing that the layout was similar to the last time, he projected the confidence he felt, "We're going to have to adapt on the fly. Anything we set out in stone is going to allow the enemy to adapt as well. Once I reach the impact site, I'll throw my Field out f-full." Looking between Rei and Asuka, he kept his mood light, "You two will be there as soon as you can. First one tears a breach in the enemy Field, if I haven't already, second goes full offensive. When I call out…b-brace for impact."

"The Tenth Angel will, despite having been slowed down, still weigh an incredible amount." Maya backed Shinji up easily, "With that much weight you're not going to be expected to set it down gently. Tuck into a ball, protect your plug. We'll reduce both of your depths as best as we can, the new magnetic drive should help, but it's still going to hurt."

"Both?" Asuka frowned, "There's three of us."

"Nothing we do will change what happens to Lead Pilot Ikari," Ritsuko directed Asuka's anger towards herself. "Short of cutting the connection, which would remove his A.T. Field and any protection that provides, his plug depth is not correlated at all to the sensations he experiences while connected to Unit-01."

Everyone, save one, braced as they saw the flame-haired pilot spin herself up, "That's-"

"The p-price I pay for everyone's s-safety." Shinji swallowed, trying to stifle his coughing as he reached over and gently held her wrist, "That's why I need you two to do what you can to p-protect yourselves. I may very well need you t-to carry Unit-01 to where they can get to m-me, and all of us will be operating on low p-power. We can't stop to swap c-cables, and we don't have any that will cover that d-distance."

"Medical extraction birds will be on standby, fighter escorts are on strip alert," Kozo's grave intonation set the tone for the rest of the conversation. "His safety, once the mission is complete, will be in your hands until the Corpsmen arrive. We're keeping everyone and everything out of the AO until you succeed."

"Because you _will_ succeed," Misato said by way of ending the conversation. "I have faith in you."

"We can't continue to hurt you just to win, Shinji," Asuka's song unified on that concept. "I…we need…." Standing up, she moved towards the door, "Let's get this over with."

Misato's voice was calmer than her song as she dismissed the meeting, "We know our jobs. Let's get to them."

+++++ 10th Angel + 0: Sunday (66)

 _You know I will never tell you what to do, Shinji,_ Maya's voice helped soothe his anxieties. _I will tell you what_ I _will do, because that's a two-way street. If you go along with me, great. If you think you have to go another way, all I ask is that you tell me why. If that has to come afterwards, I'll understand. Communication, ultimately, is what we all need to make sure is firmly in our minds and hearts._

He smiled, _I'm…really happy that you understand me so well, Maya. She's not asking me to do much, and going in and seeing a doctor will probably make Hikari happy too._ Looking around the forest surrounding him, he worked Unit-01's arms loose, _Just so you know…if this goes bad-_

 _It won't,_ Maya glanced up at him through the camera with a stern frown.

 _If it does,_ Shinji returned her stare with a softer version, _I love you. No more, no less, than I love Hikari. You are not an 'add-on', you are not superfluous. I. Love. You._

Looking off to the side, she blushed. Answering a nearby unspoken question, she nodded, "They're fully charged." _I love you too, Pup. However, I hope you don't get hurt too bad because when you get back to base I'm going to make the shower from last time seem tame. I know what you like now, and I'm going to_ love _giving it to you._ When her eyes returned to his, they were far from 'innocent', though her face remained professional. _Just some extra motivation to stay on your feet._

"Ok," Misato's voice rang through his mind, the flames eager to be about their duty. "One last check, all stations?"

"Engineering is go."

"FOD, go."

"Medical, go."

"MILCOM is go."

Maya winked at Shinji, "Science is go."

"We are go across the board," clapping her hands together, she locked the communications between pilots and the bridge to her station. "Ok, everyone. Clock is looking like fifteen seconds to mission start. On your marks."

Shinji set himself as he would on the track, digging his toes in to provide assistance in starting his sprint. _I have to use Sachiel. It's easy enough to remember._

Misato's voice hardened, "Seven seconds. Get set."

 _Good luck, Lover._ Nyx caressed his cheek, the first hint of her presence he'd had. _None may stand before your majesty._

The Sub-Commander's voice cut off his reply, "Three. Two. One. Engage!"

Great chunks of earth, larger than most houses, were torn from the land around him as he began his sprint. The retro-rockets on his power cable controlling its descent from his spine to the world below. With an ease and grace that transcended the natural, he kept one eye on the constantly updating directional marker that indicated his goal, and the other on the marker depicting the Angel of the Sky's trajectory and speed.

He hurdled without seeing a fire safety post, his entire conscious being focused on the shifting point where his two goals met. MAGI updates were instant, and rapid, forcing him to change his own movements to match. As enormous as the falling beast was, it still had to contend with the bulk of the Earth's atmosphere slowing its descent.

"Scheiße!" Asuka's voice registered at the edges of his attention, "Who put a god damn pit here?"

Pushing harder to round a hill without going over it, Shinji looked up and saw the approaching doom of all Mankind. "C-contact." His cough choked him some, "Adjust-t-ting."

"Roger, Paladin," Misato's voice carried her concern for him, despite the desperation of the mission. "Two, get your damn legs unstuck!"

"I'm trying, damn you," Asuka retorted hotly. "I'm not just sitting here because I like the fucking view!"

Backpedaling, Shinji was able to align his marker with the Angels. Taking a deep breath, more out of habit than any real need, he let his body relax. _Sachiel, please…do what you can to protect my friends. They are as important to me as all of you are, and I know that you can aid me here._ His coughing grew worse as he set himself firmly, "Deploying f-field in five." He lifted his arms, readying to catch his child, "Four." _Whatever you feel about me, I am sorry that this will hurt you,_ "Three." _In the name of your brothers and sisters,_ "Two." _Welcome home,_ "One."

Unit-01's A.T. Field flattened the hill it stood upon. Trees for a kilometer around shook violently as the light of Shinji's soul, amplified by the power of his armor, flowed evenly outwards in a dome. Shoving as much force behind the song as he could, he attempted something new, willing Shamshel to join his struggle as Sachiel focused on its own task. Granting independence to the Aspects within him, he felt two tendrils loop around his arms.

The former Angel of the Daytime buttressed his form, _I/We. Fight/struggle. As one._

Both forms of Israfel set their hands against a shoulder each, _You have recognized us, Great One. We shall ever be at your side, until the last star fades. Until the universe itself disappears!_

Ramiel's powerful rumble declared boldly, _Let our sister contend with a Host for supremacy this day, that she be greeted properly!_ The air around Shinji thickened, the compression of the atmosphere itself increasing dramatically. _The toll of Thunder beckons you towards your new home, Sahaquiel. Hail, and well met!_

"The barometer's spiking," Ritsuko called out. "Damn this thing's enormous."

The leading edge of Sahaquiel's pressure wave touched Shinji's A.T. Field, setting off jagged bolts of lightning across the length of the domes surrounding each. _Father?_ As the two fields touched, the voice sharpened, _Brothers…sisters?_

As the entire weight of the Tenth Angel landed against the combined influence of Shinji and those of his children suited to helping him, he felt the light bend around him. Gravity itself was distorting as he held up the Sky, alone and together.

 _Do not worry, Great one!_ Gaghiel's friendly voice giggled, _I guard the Advisor. Sandalphon is helping! Her mind is safe. She will be well._

Pain grew noticeable as his entry plug made ominous noises, it felt like an eternity had passed and still no sign of relief for him. "I-I." Plasma flowed along his arms, curling around his upper torso in tongues of semi-liquid pain. "Will." He coughed, his throat trembling. "N-not." The armor surrounding his arms bent, twisting under the mass. "Drop." He could feel his knees shaking, his hips screaming in agony. "You." His back was only able to stay unbowed with the aid of the two discrete and two twined Aspects holding him upright. Their presence did nothing to reduce the pain, it only bolstered his ability to accept it.

Misato's voice roared in his mind, slowly as if it had been stretched like taffy, her connection limited to only Asuka's ears though their bond allowed him to hear regardless, "God damn it, Unit-02, tear the fucking leg off if you have to, _get there!_ Unit-00, do what you can."

 _Father…forgive me. I believed…._ Sahaquiel's great eye began to tear up as it saccaded from side to side in a panic, _I am so confused._

Rei arrived just as a star's flames dug into Shinji's own eye, twisting around like an enraged worm along the surface of the blue orb. _No,_ he forced a smile, beaming what warmth he could up to the Angel, _no tears, little one. This is temporary. It shall pass._ "R-R-R-Rei," he nearly choked as his throat seized, "st-stab." Forming claws of his fingers, he gripped the veil of Sahaquiel's soul, _Forgive me for what I must do._ Ripping his hands violently downwards, shredding the opposing Field, he let go of holding up the titanic mass above him, "Now!"

Unit-00 thrust upwards violently, driving its progressive knife and both hands well into the gigantic red orb encompassing the Tenth Angel's core. The downward force of the Angel's descent finished the job, and what remained of its candle's flame died shortly thereafter.

Shinji used the time between tearing apart his new child's A.T. Field and its death as best he could. Throwing himself over Unit-00, he molded his soul around them both, much as he had when striking into the side of Mount Asama, to protect his wingman. The Aspects who had aided him did what little they could, knowing that nothing would truly prevent what was to follow. The very sibling that could have best helped, only now appeared beside the Forgotten One. Alone, confused, and crying that she had somehow harmed such a man that smiled at her with unending love and forgiveness.

The pain was exquisite. Immaculate. Lighting every nerve ending he possessed aflame, it marched across his body with the force of a thousand elephants. There was no escape, no place to go to that could take that pain away. Nothing, save the sweet embrace of slumber, the colossal grip of unconsciousness. His connection with Unit-01 remained, though. His subconscious desire to shelter the woman he fought with too great to allow it to sever. The world went black, as light danced in the skies around them, welcoming another lost soul home.

+++++ Author's Notes

origamishishou: RE: Rei and Sahaquiel.

I'll say that it didn't help matters.

Martial Arts Master: RE: Rei and uniqueness.

Same as above, it's not going to help matters.

SK: RE: Rei being given kindness.

Often, opening ourselves up to the opportunity to be shown kindness is unimaginably hard. It's frightening, painful, confusing…and not at all what we anticipate. And then? Squish.


	79. Chapter 79

+++++ 10th Angel + 0: Sunday (66)

"He held it up for three minutes, forty one seconds." Ritsuko reported in lieu of her nominal supervisor, "The rating on Unit-01's compressive strength was exceeded by seven times. This plan, while successful and undoubtedly the only realistic one we had, had no hope of success as soon as Unit-02 became stuck hip deep in a five decade old unregistered dumping ground." Chewing on the empty stick left from her last sucker, she stared at the report she'd put together, trying to make sense of the words she knew were the only accurate ones available, "He should have collapsed after thirty seconds. Aside from everything else, his arms should have given out completely, his spine reduced to powder, his knees nothing more than a fond memory." Looking up to Kozo and General Benoit, she repeated her first statement, "He held it up for three minutes, forty one seconds."

"I admit to some difficulty with the concept, Doctor," Philip apologized with a small cough. "But you are saying that his…time, that which he experienced, moved at a rate different than ours?"

"Time dilation because of extreme gravitational forces," Kozo offered a simpler explanation. "Roughly seventy four seconds for us. Roughly three times that for him. What we saw, and what he lived through, are irreconcilable. Pilot Ayanami's exposure was limited, though she too was forced to endure that…unpleasantness." Looking over the map, he shook his head, "The destruction was limited to around him, _he_ limited the destruction. He cradled his fellow pilot." Reaching down into his desk, he pulled out a bottle, "He deserves a raise." Three glasses followed, "Is there a way we can promote him?"

"Other than retiring him with full honors, time served, full pension, and a free fruit pie every day?" Philip accepted his glass, waiting for the inevitable, "I believe we have done what we can, from our perspective. Perhaps approaching the Diet, or the peerage?"

Ritsuko was a little surprised to find herself included, but accepted her offering with a nod of thanks, "I'd name a holiday after him, personally. If he were a typical man, I'd believe we'd have more ways to reward his behavior rather than making empty feel-good gestures that only outsiders will appreciate."

"But he is no typical man," Kozo held his glass up in toast. "To Shinji Ikari, and whatever madness sheltered him from turning out like his father."

"To Shinji," Philip and Ritsuko echoed.

+++++ 10th Angel + 0: Sunday (66)

"Thank you," Misato accepted the next stack of papers, working through them slowly. "What's the status of Unit-00?"

Her emotionally dead tone had driven most of the bridge crew away, leaving Shigeru the only one willing to approach the Sub-Commander, "They've disentangled it from the carcass. It's another five hours away from being secured, at the current pace. They're being cautious, with how radioactive the area is. Decon procedures account for most of the time."

"That's fine," signing one section, she handed it back. "Send half the bridge home to sleep. Five hours, then they're back here. Next half go home then, five hours. Send Iori-chan out to get pizza for everyone, use the company account. When Kanda-chan comes in, tell her to stop and pick up more. Nobody leaves the bridge, otherwise, unless it's for a quick bathroom break. Once all three Units are back in their docks, everything's scrubbed, and we can report all clear…we'll reassess our standing."

"As you say, ma'am." The guitarist accepted the last of the papers back, "Any word?"

"Still unconscious. Or someone's going to die because they didn't follow my orders." She checked the remaining power in her phone's battery, finding it more than adequate, "Anything else?"

"He did good today." The guitarist remained unmoved when Misato's lifeless eyes landed on him, "I'd like permission to arrange flowers…something. It may not help him, but it'd show the Horaki family that we appreciate everything he's done."

Pulling her wallet out of her jacket, she handed over a ten thousand yen note, "Nothing red, orange…stay away from that end of the spectrum."

"Of course." Taking the money and walking away, Shigeru finally winced. He'd overheard what was happening to the Second Child, and for the first time he actually felt sorry for the little fireball.

+++++ 10th Angel + 0: Sunday (66)

"Spirits preserve us," Nanako whispered, her hands over her mouth. "Can…can we…?"

"She's coming to get three of us." The Xu matriarch nodded, her tone grim. "I am not going. I need to get the restaurant moving, there will be hungry people that need food and a sense of normalcy. He'd expect me to tend to them before fussing over…."

"So I'm going," the club owner agreed with her comrade, the less said the better, "who else?"

"I'll mind the store," Gen stated. "One of us needs to watch his holdings, no matter what Section Two might prefer."

"Let's send Yang," the elder Xu nodded again, eager to not discuss the bad. "Someone for dear Hikari, someone her age."

"Agreed, Ibuki-san might be needed at her duties." Nanako hesitated, "I'll approach Suzuka. All of this might be enough for her to set aside what has happened. Honor be damned."

"I have my boys working on meals to take," the other woman agreed without agreeing. "You send word if more, or different, is needed. We can't feed him, but by all the gods I will feed his family while he can't."

Tears stood in the club owner's eyes as she hugged her husband and whispered, "Find him. Tell him. Shinji-kun wouldn't want him left in the dark. He wasn't…he's _not_ that kind of a man."

"Of course, dear," Gen stroked her hair. "I'll arrange for your bag to make it up to you. You stay as long as you need."

"As long as _they_ need." Nanako sniffed, "Why him? Why did it have to happen to him? Why couldn't either of the other pilots share this? Yu had half a dozen people fighting alongside him, and Shinji…Shinji…."

The bald man smiled sadly, "He's lucky to have you there to worry over him. We do what we can, dear. This isn't like Inaba."

+++++ 10th Angel + 0: Sunday (66)

"We're going to be home alone for a few minutes, kiddo," Jake carefully held his Principle on his hip as they walked back and forth on the now mostly empty street outside of the shelter, waiting for their ride. "Me, you, and Nicolette will head up to Sakura's place once the route has cleared some. Don't want to get in the way of people that _need_ the hospital, right?"

"Nii-san would be really super disappointed with me if I did that," Nozomi agreed quietly.

"Excuse me."

The big agent turned and saw a rather pale man wearing a knit cap. Shifting his burden so that his right hand was free to grab his sidearm if needed, he frowned, "Can I help you?" Something tickled the back of Jake's mind, "Do you need something?"

"The Little Lady dropped this," holding out his hand, the young-seeming man held a flowing ribbon. "After everything today, it would be a shame for her to lose something so…pretty." He took a step forward, as if to hand it directly to Nozomi, halting when Jake took a matching step backwards, "I promise, I am no threat."

Easing the holster-lock back, Jake gripped his service weapon, "No offense, sir. But you're not from around here. We're rather particular about knowing who's who. What's your name?"

"In a city filled with so many souls, it has to be challenging to remember every face." A half-smirk lifted one side of his lips, "Isn't it considered polite to introduce yourself before asking someone else to?"

"Jake-san," Nozomi cupped her hands over his ear, forming a funnel for her whisper, "that's not mine. _That's Sakura-chan's!_ "

Over a decade of training, years spent in combat, and a childhood that could charitably be deemed 'lively', all fed into what happened next. Three steps backwards happened at the same time as Jake emptied his magazine directly center-mass. What followed that, brought a rare oath to his lips, "Fuck."

His tormentor stood, unaffected by the barrage, a field of fuzzy light having shielded him from harm, "Oh dear. And here I thought there was a chance I could let you live a little longer. I do enjoy giving gifts, and that was to be mine to you. A chance to regret recent decisions, if nothing else." The hemispherical barrier vanished, "Jake, was it? I think you sh-" The front fender of an armored SUV travelling in excess of eighty kilometers an hour silenced the rest, coming to a rapid halt after sending the would-be enemy flying.

Hurriedly approaching the open back door, he handed Nozomi to the Shirakami woman he recognized riding in the rear of his assigned vehicle. Shifting to the rolled-down window by the driver, he spied the pale enemy slowly totter to its feet, "Go, Nicki." Swinging his PDW on its sling around, he glared at his partner, " _GO._ " A shuffled step to the side and he cleared his line of fire, sending controlled bursts downrange as Nicolette floored it in reverse, spinning the car one hundred and eighty degrees and driving away at high speed.

"That was very rude," his foe called over the sound of gunfire. As each bullet struck the dome, it created a hexagonal impression, and little else. Dusting himself off, he tore off the tattered remnants of his knit cap, revealing a crop of silvery hair, "I do hope you'll forgive me making you wait, but I can't spend the time to kill you properly right now. I do rather need him to lose his Wish. I'll come back later."

Spinning around as the man Jake now recognized as 'Perfume' sprinted past him at speeds he'd only ever seen Principle Alpha manage on foot, he secured his weapon and called out over the tactical network, "Overwatch, this is Six-One, Target Perfume spotted, heading South South-West on Green. Target is chasing after Principle Delta, small arms fire ineffective, over."

"Overwatch copies all, Six-One. Interrogative, do you have a description of the vehicle?"

"He's on foot. About as fast as Principle Alpha." Frowning as a souped-up racing sedan screeched to a halt next to him, he spied two more of the Shirakami 'toughs' directing him into the passenger's seat, "I have secured alternate transport and am giving chase. Rooftop marked with IR, over." He slapped a magnetic strobe on the roof of the vehicle, climbing into the low-slung car.

"Understood, Six-One. Get back in the fight."

He was barely in with most of his mass when the driver took off, "Thanks boys, you in communication with your person inside?"

"Already passed along your message," the driver's tone was casual. "She has Nozomi-chan secured, do not worry." Whipping the car onto the main highway that Nicolette had taken, he pushed the sporty vehicle to its limit, "Need more ammo?"

"I'm good." Feeding two fresh magazines into his weapons, he spied the chase continuing forward of them, "Contact, straight ahead."

"I see him," the man pulled into oncoming traffic, darting around a few slower moving vehicles to gain an angle. "Junpei, roll my window down first, this time."

"Meh." The man identified as 'Junpei' clicked a button on the door next to him, dropping the reinforced glass down and settling a massive machine gun onto a specially-made bipod mount with U-shaped legs on the side of the car, "Watch your hands, sir."

Two fighter jets screamed overhead as Jake's driver pulled up alongside Perfume. The tail end of Overwatch's broadcast only barely understandable, "TarCAP has visual. Six-One, see if you can buy them some space to say hello, over."

Junpei opened fire, dumping lead at two hundred and forty rounds per minute into the side of his target. Forced to contend with the distraction, Perfume slowed down. Easing up on the trigger, the tough called out, "The man says the pretty birdies need some space, boss."

"I'm going to have to spend a week fixing her," the driver swung his car hard to the side, slamming his target's A.T. Field against the cement barrier, but otherwise only marginally slowing him down. Regaining control over their momentum, he moved to pursue once more, "You know, that usually doesn't happen. This guy has shields? Like that 'Trek' show?"

"It's horseshit," Jake growled.

Overwatch cautioned them, "Good job, Six-One, you're being advised to hold back. TarCAP is making a run."

"Slow, slow, slow," he waved, "jets are coming in hot."

Easing off the accelerator, the powerful engine rumbling in complaint at being asked to decelerate, the driver waited just long enough for the two pilots to rake Perfume with Vulcan cannons before charging back in. Jake noticed the shielding around their target change color more distinctly as the heavier rounds connected, "Overwatch, Six-One, I think the problem is caliber. Sustained heavy fire will probably do something that we're not managing here, over."

"QRF is already in place, Six-One. You're buying time and distance." There was a short pause, "Recommendation is once Six-Two pulls off onto Exit Five, you cease pursuit, over."

"Four miles," the driver made a face. "Might as well be forever. Oh well, let's hit him again. Junpei, get ready!"

Jake frowned, "You can hear our comms?"

"Pay attention to the fight, cowboy," sliding his beloved hotrod into place, the driver matched speed. "Hit 'em."

Once more, Junpei struck his target with impressive accuracy, broadsiding Perfume and creating a shift from white hexagons to orange. Jake added what he could with his PDW, though the size of the projectiles meant that it was little more than a force multiplier. As soon as the machine gunner let up on the trigger, the driver rammed his target.

This time, Perfume latched onto the side of the car, holding on as it raced down the street, "You know, that is extremely irritating." The fingers of one hand dug into the roof, the toes of his shoes carved holds in the side of the door, and he reared back with his fist, "I guess I'll just have to-"

Slamming on his brakes, and allowing momentum to do its work, the driver sent Perfume tumbling uncontrolled along the street still in possession of much of the side of his car. Flooring it, he raced around the dazed albino after the lead vehicle, "I am going to spend _weeks_ fixing this thing."

Junpei busied himself performing a quick check of his weapon's viability, "You _like_ working on your car, Takami. Quit bellyaching." Reaching up, he handed Jake a new magazine, "Ready up, sir."

Slipping the old into his pocket and slapping the new in, Jake changed the plan, "Overwatch, Six-One, we are now ahead of the target. Interrogative, do we pass the exit?"

The answer was quick in coming, "Negative, Six-One, follow Six-Two and plug the gap, out."

"Neat," Takami giggled happily. "I wanted to see what you guys were planning anyway."

+++++ 10th Angel + 0: Sunday (66)

Captain Yamadera stood atop one of his APCs, scanning the horizon for the anticipated troublemaker through a set of binoculars. His SNCO sat at his feet, bouncing one foot nervously as she tended to. "Master Sergeant, what's your opinion on Second?"

"Matsudera," she replied, her voice steady. "He's shown a lot of motivation from the start. Has the respect of his peers. Needs some work on regs, but gets the job done right."

"Mmm," forming an 'L'-shaped ambush, his unit had settled in quickly, efficiently, and without a single complaint. It was the last part that worried him slightly, as that usually meant they'd wanted to get out of something else and this was a convenient excuse to not do what they were supposed to be doing. "Madoka as his second?"

"Her or Itsuno." Tilting her head to the side, she changed the dynamics of the sound moving past her ear, "Incoming."

A smirk settled on his lips, the foremost enlisted on his team once again proving to have exceptional hearing. Calling out in a voice that could be heard for a kilometer, he set his people into motion as he leaped to the ground below, "All right, kids. Ready up! Let's show this asshole what happens when someone messes with Lord Ikari's little sister."

Twenty tense seconds passed before they saw the friendly SUV careen down the highway ramp onto the feeder road that led directly into the heart of NERV's campus. A split-second behind it, a heavily damaged hotrod swerved to block off any approach while disgorging two streams of automatic weapons fire to pepper a man chasing on foot. Captain Yamadera scowled, _If this is what we're facing now. A world filled with people like Lord Ikari…. I need bigger weapons._ "Ready!" The first trap sprang, an explosive charge blowing a massive hole in the ground below the humanoid enemy, sending him tripping forward.

Four attack helicopters settled into formation behind the lines. The sounds of fighter jets banking around reached over the din. The gunnery specialists aboard every piece of armor, every tactical vehicle, every crew-served weapon, readied themselves to make their opinions known. Those on foot, tracked the target with well-trained precision. As a commander, he could not have been more proud of his unit, more pleased with the people providing support. Every man and woman did their job professionally, rapidly, and flawlessly. Win or lose, their record would remain untarnished.

The SUV shot through the gap, not slowing at all, followed quickly by the hotrod, which slid to a sideways stop blocking as best it could the enemy from pursuing past the ambush. The second trap followed the first. Just as Perfume had his feet back under him and dashed forward, a series of tension cables that would have hampered the progress of a tank snapped into place, and as expected the albino jumped to clear them. This meant he had no way to avoid the next set of cables that sprang up, set higher and slightly back from the first set, and thus becoming entangled and immobile.

The Captain exulted, his plan having worked to the letter, "Fire!"

The sounds of war echoed through the typically quiet urban landscape. Guided bombs, rockets, AGMs, belt-fed grenade rounds, high-caliber heavy machine gun rounds, every type and manner of death-providing ordnance possible on short notice saturated the area conveniently lit against the darkened night by Perfume's A.T. Field. White hexagons quickly shifted yellow, then orange, and finally red as the Quick Reaction Force mercilessly pounded their foe.

Winking out of existence, the shield failed catastrophically. Munitions ripped apart the albino, performing their duty as designed by the manufacturers responsible for them. Still they fired, each Marine very aware of the capabilities of the man they all secretly swore allegiance to and unwilling to relent against a foe that might somehow dare to be a match for him. For thirty seconds they pounded the area, until their Captain held up his fist, "Cease Fire! Cease Fire!"

Smoke cleared quickly in the stiff breeze that had been blowing all night, spreading dust back towards the highway, in the opposite direction of the unit. Most took it as a sign of the Lord Ikari's blessing, protecting them from even the minor irritation of having to work through the miasmic aftermath of their impressive efforts.

"Matsudera," Captain Yamadera pointed to the crater, "take Second and get me eyes on that garbage."

"Yes, sir!" The stocky Marine hopped over his barricade, "Second Squad, on me!"

The entire unit tensed as six of their comrades approached their target. They all knew what would be expected of them should they be attacked. They would do their best to not hit their friends, but the enemy _must_ _not_ live. Fanning out professionally, their weapons trained on the rubble, the moment of tension hung in the air around them. The captain's second tapped her foot impatiently, her finger rock-steady near the trigger of her weapon.

"Uh…Captain, there's nothing here but…goo?" Matsudera's confusion was obvious over the microphone, "It's-"

Barking out an order as his 'kid' went to bend down to touch the substance, he saved a life that didn't know the danger it was in, "Fall back!" Six individuals instantly formed back up as a unit and returned to their comrades in an orderly fashion, "Specialist? Is your team ready?" _Going to have to talk to him about touching shit._

The click-hiss of an ignition system engaging preceded a pleasant female voice, "We're always ready, Captain." Four shapeless humans in full fire-retardant hazmat suits walked casually out towards the crater carrying heavy tanks of propellent and death attached to spray-nozzles, "Recommend you have anyone without eye protection look away. Don't want anyone getting retinal damage, do we?"

+++++ 10th Angel + 0: Sunday (66)

Gendo Ikari watched as the LCL, the crater-marked pavement, and the foundation beneath the pavement were all boiled away by four streams of molten flame. "Do what you can. With the body gone, the soul will need some time to return to another clone. I'd anticipate at least four priority targets activating for this. They'll do what they can to mask their movements, but these aren't people used to hardship. Look for food deliveries, takeout. Calls home about late nights."

The video feed was a distorted mess, irritating him as he tried to see for certain that as much of the pool of LCL SEELE's puppet had been reduced to was boiled away as possible. The mixture the four firebugs were using would complicate the engineer's jobs who were now going to have to fix the bulk of a major artery, but it would also reach down into the earth that might have absorbed some of 'Perfume'.

"Acceptable," he responded to the man on the other end of the line. "The UN may feel it necessary to observe the legal niceties, but I have no such compunctions. You have my complete authorization to prosecute all targets. Nobody fucks with my family."

+++++ 10th Angel + 0: Sunday (66)

The engineer prudently aided Rei's steps, "Careful, ma'am. You took a hell of a beating out there, we don't want you falling down." The older woman self-selected to be the one to take this task on, informing everyone else that they needed to stay clear. She knew, her long years on Earth guiding her, that this one had more than a soft spot for the Lord Ikari. Didn't need to see the last, desperate usage of forty seconds of power to know that. "He's in surgery, and the sooner we get you through medical, the sooner you can go up and sit watch. …Or Aninut, if needs be."

"He will not die," Rei growled. "Not before _she_ does." Glaring at the red titan standing deactivated on the other side of Unit-01 from her, her lip quivered in feral rage, though her voice calmed, "I should not impose. His fiancée will be there, and she does not need to tolerate my presence at the moment." Allowing herself to be placed in the wheelchair, she sat quietly as the lift descended.

Standing on the catwalk, Kozo Fuyutsuki was calmly waiting alongside Ritsuko Akagi. The old professor had an air of regret hanging from him, though his words were pleasant, "Welcome home, Pilot. I would like to first commend the professionalism you displayed in executing the mission under trying circumstances."

The monotone more familiar to those who worked with the reclusive bluenette had some cracks in it, "Thank you, sir."

Recognizing that the situation was about where he'd have placed it, the Commander of NERV's Tokyo-3 branch nodded, "I will assist Doctor Akagi in performing a post-battle physical. After you have been given a clean bill of health, I will release you to your own recognizance. The base is currently on lockdown, though I presume you will wish to sit with the rest of Lead Pilot Ikari's friends and family."

Her eyes became lifeless, "They do not require the presence of one of the people responsible for his current situation, sir. I will remand myself to quarters, if there is a spare dormitory bunk available. Once lockdown has been lifted, I will return to the apartment until school reconvenes."

Kozo inwardly sighed, "As you wish. Though I doubt they consider you responsible. Miss Horaki herself asked that she be notified when you were recovered."

"I do not intend to be 'recovered' for some time, sir." Her eyes dropped to a vague point directly ahead of her, "I would like to begin the physical, if that is acceptable."

+++++ 10th Angel + 0: Sunday (66)

"Go," Noelle urged Hikari. "He'd want you to look after the wee tykes." Hugging the taller woman briefly, she pressed her towards the door, "Nozomi needs her sisters, both of them. I'll hold court here when the others arrive, and send Yang down to lend a hand."

"If…if he wakes up," Hikari hesitated only long enough to make certain.

"I'll tell him myself," the blonde pilot assured her. "Doubt I'll be able to keep him here, he'll probably march starkers down to see to his wee sister and her friend himself." She grinned, "You know how he gets." Once Shinji's first affianced was clear of the room, Noelle's eyes shut and she clenched her fists tightly, "Hell to pay." The door from the other side of the waiting room opened, and Temple walked out mopping her face with a towel and looking around the room with a frown. "While you were in there, someone attacked little Nozomi. Sent her to see to her sister, and to the Suzuhara girl. They brought her here by chopper after the attack, consolidating our position."

"When it rains…." The old SNCO tugged at her shirt to push air through the gap at the neck, "It's still ongoing. Not much of an update to provide, but we were able to get a lot of the shrapnel out of his spine. Fighting his healing factor as much as we are exsanguination." Walking over to the nearby coffee cart, she poured herself a cup of pure black fuel, "Is she alive?"

"Unharmed, physically," Noelle grimaced. "If you're out here, it has to be going well, right?"

"I'm out here because the rules say I am," Temple snarled. "Human error rates increase the longer we remain focused on a task. I reached five minutes over the maximum authorization, and Kaz nearly threw me out of the room. Green's taken over for me while I 'rest'. Like I've ever been able to do that."

Cold fingers gripped her heart, "He'll live…right?" The fact that she'd begun to have actual feelings for someone, even though they'd never be requited, caused her typically calm exterior to crack slightly, " _Right_?"

"I'm back," Feelgood bowled into the room, carrying three trays of food and drinks. "Oh…hey, where'd Light go?" He looked around, "Shitter?"

"Attack on Wish," Noelle used his distraction to cover for her gaffe. "This 'Perfume' asshat took a swipe at her while Paladin was grounded, and she's in a state after it." Walking over, she snagged two of the trays, handing one to Temple, "Sent her to go check. Kodama is inbound there as well, hopefully those two can keep the claws in and focus where they should."

"Thanks," Temple took the offered food with a nod of appreciation.

"Fuck me," the rockstar pilot set his own tray down. "Ok, so she made it though, right? Don't have to shop for a new mascot?"

"Yeah. Word is, though, they don't think they got the guy. We're remaining on Delta." Tearing into her food, she ceded the floor.

"No rest for the weary," he chuckled. "Ok, give this to whoever needs it," he tapped his tray. "I'll go handle our shit, you're assigned here unless we come under full assault. I'll have the nugs running ragged and park Vidar's dumb ass on the strip." Looking to Temple, Feelgood raised an eyebrow.

"He's still alive," she said around a mouthful of food. "We're blind beyond that."

"I'll take it," he nodded, "I'm tired of churches and shrines," turning on his heel he jogged out of the room.

The door closed behind him again, and the only sound for a time was the clack of flatware against tableware. Eventually, her food gone, the wizened Corpsman looked across the table, "So, you-"

"Finish that statement and you'll wear the rest of this food," Raffle growled.

The door opened once more, Akane leading two women through the portal, "In here unless someone's with you. I'm going to get my ass chewed for this, but at the end of the day I want more people here for him, not fewer." Looking around the room, she frowned, "Hikari-chan already heading down to the new guests?"

"Yeah," Noelle stood, recognizing Suzuka and dimly remembering the second woman. "We were expecting three? One of her classmates?"

"I sent Yang-chan to help Sakura-chan and Nozomi-chan," Nanako carried two heavy sacks of food, setting them down on the table. "She is familiar to Sakura-chan, and will help calm things down."

"I have to go," Akane grimaced. "If anything goes wrong, Paola-kun and Claudia-kun will let you know. Mikoto-chan and I need to refit and get back out there." In an action similar to Feelgood, she raised her eyebrow at Temple.

The woman's tone didn't give away much, "Still alive. Not much else right now."

"I'll take it." Without hesitation, she moved back out of the room to be about her duties.

"I apologize, Doctor-san," Nanako bowed politely. "I don't believe we've met. I'm Shinji's Aunt, Nanako."

"She's good people, Doc," Noelle asserted quickly, finally placing where she knew the calm, gentle, woman. "There when things went south after the train."

"Pleased to meet you then," Temple nodded. "You," she pointed to Suzuka, "I'm a little more familiar with." The swordswoman inclined her head in greeting as she set down her own bags, but said nothing else. "Sorry that there's not much to report, but our man is still in surgery. I'd be in there, but rules prohibit more than two hours of continuous exposure at a time. Make yourselves at home, Captain Minders knows how to get anywhere you might need to go." Knocking back the last of her coffee, she thumbed back to the surgical suites, "I'm heading back in to help where I can. Someone else should be out in a while, or if there's something to report."

As the corpsman headed off, Noelle reassumed the role she'd taken for herself, "You want what can be reported so far? Or did you have something you wanted to say first?" Nodding when Nanako rolled her hand, urging the pilot to go first, she began, "Shinji's element engaged with the enemy earlier today, as you know. Unfortunately, during the encounter one of the robots was somehow disabled. That left two to do the job of three, and with all fairness to Little Girl Blue, she's not the one I'd have hoped to make it there. Her rig doesn't respond right, and it likely didn't help the situation."

Nanako's face was grim, "Where is Ibuki-san? Are the other pilots…well?"

"Major Ibuki is eyebrows deep in recovery operations, unfortunately. Red is indisposed," she didn't have clearance to speak on what Asuka was going through. "Blue is undergoing treatment, but is expected to make a full recovery here in not too long. Paladin…did what he does." Noelle's face fell, "What he always does." Starting slightly as she was pulled into a warm embrace, the blonde pilot coughed out a laugh, "He'll make it. He's a fighter, he is."

"Thank you for being in here for him," the club owner stroked the other woman's hair gently. "And for convincing Hikari-chan to go see to her sister." Stepping back, she smiled sadly, "How are you holding up?"

"I'd kill for something sweet right about now," Noelle rolled her eyes. "I've been up for twenty two hours, and I doubt I'm going to get a chance for forty any time soon."

"You're in luck," Nanako grinned. "The Blue Crane sends their regards, including some dorayaki." Turning to face her fellow Shirakami, she pointed to the correct sack, "That one, if you don't mind."

Watching as Suzuka wordlessly searched through the bag, pulling things out and organizing them, Noelle frowned, "You're awful quiet, lass. It's not like you."

"It was part of the agreement to get her here," Nanako interjected, refraining from seeming judgmental. "She has made something of a promise to Shinji-kun, and isn't fully keeping up her end of the bargain at the moment."

The blonde's eyebrow went up, "He'd rather ye be here, lady. No matter what words the two of you exchanged, he'd be happy to know ye cared." Accepting one of the confections from the regal warrior, and inwardly reeling from the glare she received along with it, she outwardly scowled, "Don't ye start with me. He loves ye, an' there's no doubt."

"I agree," Nanako glowered at Suzuka where Noelle couldn't see, her tone otherwise calm. "Life often seeks to make fools of us all, and long-term matters often have to be set aside for the temporary ones." Clapping her hands together, she looked around the room, "Now, let's set up what we can. I'll assume hungry doctors will be coming out from time to time, and eventually people will visit to extend their best. A little organization, and we can keep this place from becoming crowded."

+++++ 10th Angel + 1: Monday (67)

It was, once again, Shigeru that took responsibility for interacting with the Sub-Commander. Walking quietly over to her position, watching the seconds on his watch tick down, he readied himself to wake her from the nap she'd been coaxed into taking. He had no doubt that she would have been able to stay awake, and remain effective, without rest but he knew full well the toll that not knowing took on a person. His own experience with waiting for his mother to die, watching as his father's energy was drained from him, helped him humanize the woman before him. As the longest hand hit its apex, he coughed, "Colonel?"

Both eyes popped open, and Misato scowled and took in the scene, "Report."

"It's been two hours. No word from the Tower, we're still at Delta, and Commander Fuyutsuki is expected on the bridge in ten." Keeping his voice low, he extended the enormous cup of coffee he'd brought, "Base security reports no incursion attempts, the sweep of the surrounding area will be completed on schedule." His hands, now empty, went back behind his hips, "Nozomi Horaki has been medically cleared, Sakura Suzuhara and her are reportedly asleep at the moment. Naval Lieutenant Chambers has been bouncing between where _he_ is and the various media entities asking for updates and a word from him. They're still reporting what we tell them to, for now."

She nodded, accepting the report, "What about Hikari-chan?" Drinking half the cup, she kept her eyes on his.

"Aside from me losing the bet, there's nothing to report." He tapped under his left eye, "Matching, like you said."

Misato sighed, "Not the time. Not the place. She should know better."

"We're all a little wound, ma'am," Shigeru shrugged. "The mark faded pretty quickly, according to the report. They're taking turns waiting near the surgical suite. I won't say they're avoiding each other, but its clear that they're limiting their interactions there."

"Major Ibuki?" The second half followed the first.

"She hasn't stopped working," he frowned. "I've sent word, several times, about what we've learned. Other than that, she says she'll know when he's awake." Looking to the door leading to the Commander's Offices, he shook his head, "I get the feeling she's on the trail of something. She's got an idea, or…I don't know, she knows what might have caused everything and is chasing it down before the evidence can go away. I don't know how, but she's on the warpath."

"Good," Misato handed him her empty cup. "She knows her duty, and when he wakes up I'll insist she goes. Until then, it's our job to fix this mess." Standing up, she straightened her uniform, "I'll keep an eye on your duties, Shigeru-kun. Go catch some sleep. At least four hours, then come back."

Knowing that he didn't need to point out she was giving him twice what she'd taken, he bowed professionally and marched on. Some battles couldn't be won, and this was one of those times that he earned future credit by paying in the present.

+++++ 10th Angel + 1: Monday (67)

"He's a ghost?" Jake scrubbed his hand over the stubble on his cheek, "I mean…yeah, the things we've seen since we got here don't make that exactly difficult to believe, but he tore that car open pretty easily for something that can pass through walls."

"Not a ghost," Idunn shook her head. "I said 'his spirit'. Intelligence indicates that what was killed here was a shell. A body housing whatever he is. Another one will come, looking very alike despite that being a strategic blunder, and we'll have to be on the lookout for it. Silver hair, red eyes, pale skin, shoot on sight."

Akane read through the report for the fifth time, "Not that it will do much good. No offense, Jake-kun, but you didn't smoke him. It took more firepower than we've got to turn him into a puddle, and then liquid flame to mop up the remainder."

"I agree," the big agent gestured to his compatriot, looking at Idunn, "the OGA-types I rode with hit him with a modern-day Ma Deuce, hell, Nicky ran his ass over with the Import. There's no way we can carry around anything big enough to drop this guy if he comes back."

"We're working on that," Idunn gestured for calm. "When I spoke with General Benoit, he said that Major Ibuki's department is cooperating with Engineering to come up with an answer that's slightly more man-portable than an Armor Division. Combat Arms bought us enough time and intel to know what we're working with. The eggheads are taking it from here. For now, keep your eyes open, and never operate alone. At least four people at all times per asset, two of us, two OGA." Looking to the clock, she stood upright and stretched, "Ok, everyone. The sweep's been completed. Go get some sleep. Everyone's staying here on base today, so we won't need to escort them anywhere. Get your boo-boos checked, eat properly, sleep deeply. Dismissed."

Akane hung back as everyone filtered out, pretending as if she were still absorbing the report. Once all that was left was her, Jake, and Idunn, she looked at the redhead and spoke without filter, "You going to yank whatever stick you have lodged in your ass out and go visit him, or have you just decided that you can't hack it?"

Sitting on the edge of a nearby desk between the two women, Jake silently let it be known that he was there to stop words from becoming fists. He'd anticipated this conversation, and if it weren't for the fact that it would come better from the Japanese agent, he'd have had it himself with his boss. He'd long respected her ability, and admired her dedication, but in his eyes she was running away because she cared too much. It was beneath her, and it hurt Nozomi.

Idunn's answer was to turn and begin to erase the whiteboard, "That's out of line, Agent."

"I give a shit?" Standing slowly, so as not to trigger the referee, she leaned with her hands flat against the table, "He relies on you for good advice. He doesn't always take it, but nobody ever does. He's asked about you every other damn day, like clockwork, since you abandoned him. He'd ask every day, every hour, if he didn't think it'd be 'pestering'. I know for a fact he's sent you email. Texts. At least three voicemails. I was the one who delivered the cookies to your desk. The fucking cookies, I might add, that remain unopened."

Finished cleaning, she went to walk between the two columns of tables, only to be blocked by Jake putting a foot up on one and pushing it firmly against the wall. She glared at him, "Really?"

"Facetime's a bitch," the big man shrugged. "You two stay on either side of the table until this is moved past stasis. You're hurting at least two, if not more, of our Principles. If you have to disengage, at least explain it to them." He looked at Akane, "And you, language. We're all professionals."

"It's because _I'm_ a professional that I'm disengaging," Idunn shifted her ire back to Akane. "My opinions are in direct opposition to those of the rest of his support system. His Sub-Commander, also his registered guardian, has made it clear that my opinions are harmful to his morale. I see the terrible conclusion to what he's doing, and I either ignore his would-be mother and push him, or I walk away and let his support system exist without unneeded conflict."

"Or you could always let him know what you think, let him make his decisions, and put a shoulder into fixing any damage like the rest of his friends." Akane stood up straight, crossing her arms, "You think I like everything he's done? You think I'm not in his ear about things? The reason you got Katsuragi'd and the rest of us didn't is because when we challenge him we don't push him. He's not an idiot, and it's his life."

"We're not his friends," Idunn shot back. "We're his protectors."

Akane scoffed, "We're damn well both. When this is all over, if he walks? So do I. My pension can go hang, I'm at his side for life. So's Mikoto-chan, and a number of others. Wherever he goes, whatever he does? We're with him."

"Ma'am," Jake made another attempt at soothing tempers so he wouldn't have to wrestle two women at once, "you've often said yourself that we do our best work when the people we're protecting come to us with what's bothering them. I've become as close to Nozomi as I am to my own kin, and if it weren't for her tip-off today I might have been too slow to stop Perfume. Again, if you think you need to disengage, for whatever reason, tell them. He likes you, and he deserves at least a face-to-face goodbye."

"He deserves more than that," Akane scooped up her papers. "But I'll let it go, if you give him that much." Turning away she marched out of the room, slamming the door behind her.

"You write her up," Jake sighed as he stood back on two feet, "and I'll go straight to the General. I don't know your play here, Idi, but _you_ pulled him out of Akagi's clutches. _You_ held him as his world fell apart. _You_ set us all up to provide a sense of normalcy during this terrible, messed up, non-stop car wreck of a life he's living." Moving to the door, he said the rest over his shoulder, "He doesn't open up to just anyone. He opened up to _you_."

The quiet click of the latch seemed just as loud to the tall Norwegian as Akane's more violent exit. "…None of you understand." Her hands clenched, tears standing in her eyes, " _I_ almost opened up to _him_."

+++++ 10th Angel + 1: Monday (67)

"It's a marathon, Aunty, not a sprint." Green sat eating slowly, "Brother-man's own body is fighting against us as we try to stop it from swallowing the bad juju. For every extraction and repair, we have to make the same incisions five times. For every drainage, we have to carve around the tubes." The man's natural temperament helped him keep everyone in the room steady as he spoke about the terrible things happening to the Hero they were all gathered for, "We've got some Spaceman-tier talent in there, though, so don't worry. Just keep the vibes easy, his music will follow."

Nanako held Hikari in her lap, slowly rocking the drawn and fragile teen, "That makes sense, I guess. Thank you, Doctor-san."

"Not that I'd want him to wake up while you were wrist deep, but…shouldn't he be awake by now?" Noelle was on her twentieth cup of coffee, "If he's healing so quickly, wouldn't whatever's stopping that have healed first?"

"That's a little more complex, Butterfly," the slender corpsman sat back, pushing away the last of his meal uneaten. "There are some mechanisms in play that I don't dig fully, but Mama says she's got it all copacetic. I trust her to know best, and even when she's on break, she's still crunching the numbers." Patting the table, he smiled wanly, "Thanks for the grub. I needed a boost. If the rolls are this good after a few hours, I might visit the place myself someday and get 'em while they're hot."

Everyone thanked him for the update as he moved back towards the surgery area, the unspoken rule of not pushing the corpsmen group to provide more information than they would remaining in force. Suzuka sat calmly polishing her blade, Noelle stood and began bussing the table, and Nanako held Hikari as the young woman's mind pondered subjects that she'd yet to expound upon for anyone. Time passed, and various people came up to offer a hand, or to find information, but little changed as they sat waiting.

"It's time," Hikari stood, offering a quick hug to Nanako. "I need to go force Maya to eat." Though her enthusiasm was low, none of the three would deny her something she'd desire. "It doesn't sound like they'll finish soon, so this is as good a time as any."

"If that's what you think is best, sweetie." Nanako stood, helping put together something for Shinji's other third, "Try and convince her to come up and rest for a while. I can't imagine they need her working until she breaks."

"I will," Hikari nodded once. As her eyes shifted to Suzuka, her brow knit, but whatever words she had remained unspoken. Turning to Noelle, she bent and kissed the other woman on the cheek, "If he does wake up, give him a kiss for me. It may take some time to physically drag Maya up here, if she refuses to come for whatever reason."

"I'll give him two, love," the pilot winked with a grin. "I know one of mine is no match for one of yours, so I'll use volume where you give quality."

Tapping the pilot on the nose, the Class Rep made a brief appearance, "None of that. He doesn't like it when people put themselves down, even to raise others up. He loves you, and any affection you give him is exactly what he'd want." Accepting Maya's meal from Nanako, she straightened her shoulders, "I'll be back. You know how to get in touch."

The club owner began tallying what was remaining, and what seemed to be preferred, sending the information to the Blue Crane to get more or fresher. As soon as the door closed, she spoke as she worked, "So, how did you come to know Shinji-kun, Noelle-san?"

"Well, the first time I met him was pretty similar to now." Scrubbing at her eyes to push sleep back, she walked her small circuit of the side of the room, "He'd tried to jump the tracks to save someone. Trolley gave him a love tap, I was one of the two pilots that brought help and then got him back here. I was impressed by the balls that had to have taken, and so I volunteered to bring that one," she gestured to where Hikari had gone, "to see him."

Nanako sighed, "He does have a habit for finding trouble, doesn't he?"

"He's a good egg." Raffle stuffed her hands in her pockets and shrugged, "After that, I bumped into him a few times. Saw that he was having trouble letting loose. Poked at him a bit, introduced him to the pilots from the Damned. I was the one that came to get him from the Proving Grounds, after Horaki passed. I was the one that flew him out to sea." Her eyes misted, and she looked up and to the side to push the tears back, "Ah'm the one what gave 'im 'is name. Two months, and ah feel like ah've known the unlucky sod fer two decades."

"He has that effect on people." True to her profession, she slid over and embraced the blonde firecracker warmly. There were no words given, as none would be accepted, but the touch of another soul that was suffering spoke volumes in its stead.

"No word?" Kodama's voice was as drawn as her face as she walked into the room, "Anything?"

"Nae a thing," Noelle replied, patting Nanako's back in thanks and separating. "Ye look as death warmed slightly, lass. Use th' cot an' catch twenty. Ah promise, ye'll be brought around iffn there's aught fit t' mention."

"Before you do," Nanako raised her hand a bit, "how are they?"

"Asleep, finally." The nurse waggled her phone, a sudden desperation in her tone, "I held out until Nicolette-san could get some sleep. She's watching over them now, and promised she'd let me know when they woke up. I'm not abandoning them, I swear."

"Steady, killer," Noelle moved over and pulled Kodama to the cot. "Yer the only one what's seen 'em. We love the Little Wish, and her friend seems right bonny. Just askin', no charges."

"Exactly," Nanako brought over another blanket. "Even caregivers need care given from time to time, sweetie. You catch some sleep, we're not making a lot of noise here. The lights are dim, the room is peaceful. Everyone's fine. It's what he'd want you to do, so that when you need to act, you're ready to."

Letting herself be seated on the bed, she frowned, "Are you…are you sure?" She fought a yawn, with limited success, "You don't need help?"

"None that you can provide, love," Noelle gently pushed her so that she lay down flat. "The quacks are doin' their bit fer Lord and Land, ye've got the wee bairns tucked and tender, now get some rest." Stepping aside to allow Nanako to cover Kodama over, she patted the woman's leg, "We've got th' watch."

+++++ 10th Angel + 1: Monday (67)

"Excuse me, ma'am," Hikari asked the first woman she saw in the latest of many rooms she and her coterie of guards had gone in search of her quarry, "would you happen to know where Major Ibuki is?"

"Oh!" The middle-aged woman gasped, recognizing Hikari from the publications and news articles, "Lady Ikari, I just saw her head into the control housing." Gesturing towards the room that only had one means of entrance or exit, barring adventurous tendencies, she urged the younger lady to follow her, "Please, please, this way."

Delighted with the sound of being identified by her soon-to-be legal last name, and swallowing the angry growl of, _Finally_ , she smiled politely and followed the helpful employee, "Thank you, ma'am. I've been trying to get in touch with her, and every time I get where she should be, I find she's already gone."

"Excuse me, excuse me, Doctor Narihara?" A young tech approached, holding a clipboard, "I'm very sorry, Doctor, but I need approval for F-Twenty Two. Line Six has reached saturation, and the MAGI won't progress without it. I'm not keyed for authorization."

"Oh," glancing at the notes, the woman helping Hikari nodded and signed. "Thank you, please be careful. The approval is required because of the toxicity. Hood on, wear PPE, or I will be very cross."

"I will, Doctor," the tech bowed and ran off.

"I'm sorry, Doctor," Hikari stifled a giggle at the entire exchange, recognizing it way too much from her own time in school, "I didn't know you had a title."

"Oh, pshaw," she rolled her eyes. "You can't drop a pencil in these labs without hitting someone with letters. If I caused a fuss every time someone used 'ma'am', which is manners plenty, thank you, I'd never get anything done. We're all doctors here, My Lady, and anyone who causes a stir finds themselves somewhere else rather quickly."

"Well then, please, just Hikari. I agree with you, and I know Shinji-kun does too. We'd rather be known for what we've done to help, as that's far more important." The freckle-faced beauty smiled, if a bit tiredly, "This way, was it?"

"Just up these stairs," Doctor Narihara gestured to the causeway. "Please be careful, they can be slick if someone failed to mind proper protocols."

"Of course, thank you," Hikari bowed politely, then turned to march up the stairs, her face shifting from agreeable to irritated. _I swear to all of the puppies in the world, if she's not in here I'm going to ask Paola to find me a bullhorn._ At the top landing, she gripped the doorknob and swung the portal in slowly, _No need to be rude. Yet. We're getting there, though._

She was not ready for her fiancée to be shouting at a pair of men, two of her own team standing behind her menacingly, "Then _you_ have to explain to me why _sixteen_ of the exact same part, ones that passed spot checks within boundaries, sat unused. And yet the one marked for disposal that your group put in place _yesterday_ collapsed like wet cardboard!" Shoving the paper in their face, she exuded menace, "Your. Signature."

"I-I-I-I," the senior of the two had backed all the way against the far dashboards.

Slapping the form down on the table by her side, Maya cut him off from continuing, "You know the man I love, the one currently undergoing his far-too-high a number straight hour of surgery? Yeah, he even _stutters_ better than you. Now, explain, or you will not enjoy what happens next."

"I used the flange he provided," the junior man pointed at the senior. "I always use the flange he provides."

"You _always_ check the component against the inventory," Maya speared the man with her gaze. "Your cutting corners caused those corners to cut my _fucking husband!_ " Pointing at him, she spoke without turning, "Fu-kun, please escort him to the detention cells." Ripping off the man's badge, she pocketed it, "I'm sure he'll have more information he'd be willing to share after thinking about what he's done."

"Aye, ma'am," the old sailor, current bodybuilder, cracked his knuckles and eyed the smaller man before him. "We doin' this easy, or do I have to show you how we handled shirkers aboard the Kaga?"

"E-easy," the man held his hands up. "I won't cause a fuss."

As the pair approached Hikari, the sailor grinned, "Well, if it isn't the Lady of Light herself. Please, don't mind the trash, ma'am. We're in the middle of cleanin' up, as you can see. The Major'll be with you shortly, promise." Slapping the smaller man on the back of the head as he slowed down, he barked, "Move. The Lady don't need you stinkin' up her air."

Maya's voice softened, "I'll be over in a second, Hikari." Taking a step closer to the senior technician, the pleasantness of her voice became ominous, "Once I get an answer from my coworker as to who told him to use a part the manufacturer specifically contacted us to say was defective. He wants to help me understand. Doesn't he?"

The remaining technician from Maya's team, a whipcord lean man, rolled a knife easily between his fingers, "I'm pozzy 'e does, ma'am. Why, I kin see it in 'is eyes right now. Just beggin' to tell ye." Balancing the blade's point on his fingertip, he shrugged, "I seen the look plenty o' times meself on Oki. Ye just have t' ask polite-like, yeah?"

Vibrating, the man stammered out the answer, "S-S-S-Senda-san. I-I-It w-was Senda-san."

Ripping off his badge, Maya pointed to the door, "Don't even _think_ about looking at my wife. Don't _breathe_ until you are past her. Move."

"C'mon then, friend," with knife in hand, Maya's other bodyguard-slash-coworker put his arm around the condemned man's shoulders. "We'll 'ave _plenty_ to talk about as we walk. All sorts of interestin' topics." Winking at Hikari, he nodded, "Nice t' see a solid lady from Oki, ma'am. Take good care of the boss, now."

"If it's naht tew motch trewble," Hikari shifted to the thick Okinawan her mother had long preferred, "might 'e miss a step er two? Ah heer th' stars are painful slick."

"P'rhaps 'e'll miss three," the man's smile split his face. Tapping the condemned man's chest with the tip of the blade, his voice darkened, "Yew 'eard the Lady. March."

Maya remained facing away from Hikari, seething with anger. One fist held the paper, proof of her charges, against the table, the other clenched and unclenched in an echo of Shinji's odd habit at her side. While Hikari had spent a goodly amount of time in the woman's presence, and knew through that experience there had to be more she'd never seen, she could hardly recognize the towering rage packed into a frame smaller than her own. As the door shut, leaving them alone in the room, she finally spoke softly, "I brought you food."

"Thank you," she remained unmoving. Her gentle voice did not match with the rest of her, "I still have work to do, I promise I'll eat when I can. You should go back and sit with Shinji. One of us needs to be there when he comes out of surgery."

"I have my own duties," setting the food down, she approached Maya slowly. "I am not marrying one person, but two." Wrapping her arms around her fiancée's shoulders, she hugged her close, "I am sorry that I thought you were avoiding confrontation. I should have known better."

"I can't afford to let them know I'm coming," Maya whispered, her arms still locked in place. "I don't know if they're monitoring my communications. I need to go, Hikari. I need to find four more people…five now. We missed them. We swept this whole organization in the wake of everything, and we missed them."

 _We do what we can. Or what we must._ "Take the food with you. Eat as you go." Stepping back, recognizing that if the woman she loved relaxed now she'd not regain her edge before tears overtook her, she took another step backwards and waited for Maya to turn. The wrath in her eyes was terrifying when she did, and a clear indication that 'nice' was not 'weak'. "I love you. I will be his shield, for now. You go be his sword." Hikari knew no words would follow as she turned to leave, there was work to be done.

+++++ 10th Angel + 1: Monday (67)

"I have to admit, I wouldn't have thought of doing this," Kozo looked through the next in a series of dossiers that landed on the table before him. "Colonel Katsuragi, even Doctor Akagi, but Major Ibuki? Not my first choice for 'attack dog'." Stirring his tea slowly, he frowned, "What made you so sure of her capacity?"

"She loves my son," Gendo shrugged. "Many people seem to, but perhaps even more than Miss Horaki herself, she _loves_ my son. All I had to do was point out the beginning of the trail, she had the pieces of knowledge I lacked. The wheres and whys that just didn't quite fit in my head. The idea to march around like Nobunaga reborn was hers alone, I assure you. My intent was that she follow the leads, and send out Section Two. That instead she's going around, we'll call it 'building her own brand'? That's simply icing on a delicious cake."

"I've had several of our more stealthy agents hovering nearby," the old professor smirked. "Not that she's needed them. Finding the biggest, meanest, most honor-filled brutes she can in each section is giving a boost to morale that I couldn't hope to imitate. People have begun to do their own paperwork checks, enthusiastically pointing out areas we could shore up, or where we've been cheated. The past half of a day would be thrilling, were it not for one small issue."

"He'll pull through. He has too many reasons to fight, too much that he'd never give up." Gendo shifted his attention back to the surgery, watching as his son was pieced back together again. "I wouldn't look too hard for the final piece, where all of this evidence leads, old friend. They'll turn up when I'm ready for them to. In pieces, but they'll turn up."

"They had better," Kozo chuckled darkly. "Or I don't know that I'll be able to stop Miss Ibuki from visiting you."

Gendo laughed, a rich, open sound, "I'd welcome the experience. My son, Kozo…how he managed to find not one, but two women just as driven and talented as his mother…." Sobering, he shook his head, "He'll pull through, and I'll find the people responsible for this." Tentatively reaching out and touching the screen where Shinji's head sat connected to all manner of tubes, he whispered, "I promise."

+++++ 10th Angel + 1: Monday (67)

"And so, of course, I was shocked!" Yang worked diligently to keep Hikari's mind off of what couldn't be helped, while providing valuable delight to the two bed-ridden elementary schoolers, "I mean, this is Natsuko-chan we're talking about. I mean, I mean," she drew an exaggerated curvature around her upper torso with her hands, "she could float on those things!" The comment drew blushing giggles from the little ones and an amused eyeroll from Hikari, "So she's dancing, trying for all she's worth to draw attention, and the guy just shrugs and says, 'My girlfriend's are bigger. You're going to hurt your back doing that.' I just about died."

Hikari inwardly sighed, _She'd have a lot more luck if she'd work on her personality, instead of thinking those airbags were a replacement for it._ "I'm glad her parents pulled her out of the city," she kept her hands busy with massaging Sakura's legs to promote blood flow, "it means she's not shoving Shinji's arm in between them every day."

"Does he not like, uhm," the youngest Suzuhara mimed the same motion as Yang.

"I wouldn't say he has a preference," Yang grinned. "He prefers someone with this," she tapped the stricken child's head, "and this," shifting her finger to her heart. "You see, that's what makes him a good man. Not that, of course, Hikari-chan is lacking in physical appeal." She winked to her Class Rep, "But it wasn't what kept Shinji interested."

"He'd be with Kodama-nee-san, if that mattered so much," Nozomi stated, her emotions still keyed up after the experiences of the past few days. "He certainly wouldn't be with Maya-nee-san. She's very much not," she too pantomimed the attribute.

"No, she's like me," Yang set her hands like a gravure model for comedic effect, "a pettanko."

"And there's nothing wrong with being proud of your body," Hikari reached over and rubbed Yang's shoulder. "Love yourself, or how can you expect anyone else to love you?" Receiving a 'happy dance' from her classmate, she kept the conversation rolling, "So I wouldn't worry, Sakura-chan. If a man can't love you for you? He doesn't deserve you at all."

"And if any man says he loves you besides your daddy, or Shinji-kun, you tell us right away." Jake walked into the room, carrying a tray of various confections, "Because you two ladies aren't on the menu yet. Not for several more years." Setting it down on Sakura's side of the bed, he rubbed his hands together, "So, I was on my way back from picking up some things for the Horakis and noticed the bakery on Sixth was doing terrible business. We can't let the local bakeries suffer, can we?"

Sakura's and Nozomi's eyes grew wide, and both clapped their hands over their mouths at the array of baked delights.

"Slowly," Hikari cautioned. "Too much, too fast, and you're going to have a terrible stomach ache. I need to get back up to see how everyone else is doing, you two be good for Jake-san."

"Yes, _mom_ ," Jake drawled, rolling his eyes with exaggerated humor. "Now, how do we split these?"

Yang walked out with Hikari, her mood shifting from 'clown' to 'morose', "Her brother is an idiot. I mean…well, I guess it's ok to say it now," she looked over to her friend, "I had a crush on him for years, I mean we lived really close to each other. I never acted because I knew he was only interested in you."

Hikari snorted a laugh, "We both dodged a bullet, then." Walking slowly through the hall, she stopped herself from expending her energy pointlessly, "You deserve far better than him, Yang. I don't know many people who'd spend an entire day locked underground with their Class Rep, making children giggle while the man responsible for everyone drawing breath is carved into like a fattened calf. Or who'd show up to help them deal with the loss of their father. Or who'd actively desire a man, but be strong enough to not act on that."

"You're my friend too, Hikari," tossing her arm around Hikari's shoulders, she brought the procession to a halt. "One day, the two of us are going to be responsible for keeping this city from falling apart. We're going to be facilitating business deals, stopping corruption from becoming rampant, keeping families from falling into blood feuds. It doesn't matter that you and I found each other at the end of High School, we found each other." Spinning about before the taller woman, Yang held out her pinky, "One day, I may ask you to share with me. To help me the way you've been helped. If nothing else, I want to have earned that help."

Hooking her little finger around her friend's, Hikari smiled gently, "You'll have it, Yang. I promise."

+++++ 10th Angel + ?: ? (?)

"Sahaquiel," Not-Shinji gently pulled the giant Aspect's hand down from Shinji's forehead, "he can't see when you hold him like that. Until you can control your size, we must be cautious. Darkness is pain, for him, remember? We don't want to bring him pain, do we?"

"No, no, no," the former Angel of the Sky shook her head vigorously. Her one, giant, eye scanned over the most precious entity she'd ever hold, "Are you sure he sees? His eyes don't move, his body is so still…he's…he's not…?"

"The Great One is not dead, Sister," Golden Israfel stated with confidence.

Silver Israfel nodded, her fatigue beginning to show, "Or we would not exist as we are."

"The trauma of your arrival," Not-Shinji kept his tone soothing, as he had for quite some time, in order to prevent the enormous new addition to their family from harming anyone, "has caused him to lock up. You could not have known, and he does not hold it against you. But we need him to return, which means we all need to be calm."

"He loves you," Israfel said as one, "just as he loves us. His love is powerful, and wonderful. Give him an opportunity, he'll show it to you."

Nervousness permeated her entire being, "He…he won't think I'm too big?"

"He does not think Ramiel too large, nor Gaghiel too small," Not-Shinji reached over and again pulled down Sahaquiel's hand from where it had returned. "In his mind, we are all perfect as we are. Each of us made just as we were meant to be. I promise you, dear one, Shinji's view of the world is unlike any you've ever experienced. We simply must be patient, and you will see."

"Your shield keeps him from harm," Matarael crawled over, his footing slipping every third step as he cautiously approached the gathering. "Each of us…has a purpose here. My rains cool his fever, Israfel occupies his mind, Shamshel bolsters his spirit. It took me some time to find my place, Sister. I fought, thinking myself a failure. Do not do that, the Great One does not think that. Instead, think of how you'll see his smile again. How he'll touch you and say that he's pleased to know you."

"Indeed, a positive mindset will feed into his being," Not-Shinji nodded, praying that the two he'd sent out would meet with success. "Together, our world is brighter. Together, we help him make the biosphere he resides upon brighter. Look up," he pulled her hand down again, gesturing to the sky with his other hand, "that is your doing! When he comes, he'll see the aurora you've crafted. He'll likely bring Miss Ibuki, show her his pride in your craftsmanship. We shelter him now, as he shelters us always. I promise."

+++++ 10th Angel + 1: Monday (67)

"Piece of garbage!" Kaz hurled the sixth broken scalpel against the wall, causing it to rebound into the trash, "When did we hire an American toy company to make our surgical gear?"

"Steady," Rina stepped in and began working on recovering their efforts thus far.

Hina looked up at the clock, "Go. It's five minutes till your time, and we're all running hot."

"It's five minutes I can use to help," rumbling about the room he began to set out replacements for the expendable gear. "…Sorry." His eyes remained on his tasks, and his hands remained in motion. "I shouldn't have lost it."

"We are not upset," the twins spoke as one. "More than once we've wondered what half-brained simian ancestor approved the metallurgy reports on these things." Four hands worked as if connected to a single brain, "And that's saying nothing of the laser."

"We go back and forth between getting exactly what we need, and somehow getting the opposite of what we need," Kaz dumped more waste in the trash. "I'd swear someone was messing with us, no matter what Temple says."

"Write it up," Rina offered.

Hina nodded, "She won't be offended."

Both looked up at him while they waited for the tissue to close, "You know how busy she is. She'd welcome the help."

Pointing his elbow to the piece of metal Hina held, he smiled behind his mask, "You got it."

"With that," Green said as he walked into the room, "all the radioactive metal is out of brother-man. Well done, my friends. Time for phase two." He tapped where a watch would be on his wrist, "And time for you to skedoodle, big guy. Go get some calorie-heavy love from Aunty. I'll finish scrubbing the chamber." Giving the peace sign to the twins, he grinned, "You two get to check the panels again."

"It is a good thing he loves us," Rina glowered.

Hina's face carried similar, "And that we love him."

The steady-tempered corpsman began the process of refreshing the room where his compatriot had left off, "We get him back on his feet, back out there where he can stand between us and the creepy nasties that go bump in broad daylight? Everything will be right as rain, I promise."

+++++ 10th Angel + 2: Tuesday (68)

"She's reached the end of the line," Shigeru stood with his fingers laced behind his head. "The people above the people she's routed? We're talking _high_ on the food chain. Anything after this is General Benoit territory." The guitarist had a delighted smile on his face, "Our little Maya Ibuki, former Bridge Bunny, current Mongol Queen."

Misato leaned over the monitor bay, watching as Unit-01 was carefully secured in place for repairs, "You know…I'm damn proud to know her." Pursing her lips, she nodded, "And I owe her an apology."

"You don't owe me shit," Maya stated in a dead monotone, startling everyone as she appeared behind the group. "You, at most, owe my husband a trip to the psychologist. Maybe Ayanami-chan some cheese pizza." Holding out her tablet, she nearly dropped it before Shigeru could lunge and grasp it, "They're good people, Misato. They just want you to be happy."

"I'd let him go, if the Commander would hack off on it," shooing Shigeru away, Misato stepped closer and gripped Maya's arm, pretending to be 'friendly' while stopping her from continuing to wobble on her feet. "You know that."

"I meant _you_ ," grey eyes again locked onto chocolate, holding them still. "Go get help. For him. For her. For yourself. Hell, do it for me, I don't care." Moving to turn around, she sighed, "Or don't. I'm not your fucking mother." Her body, too confused by the competing priorities and not feeling like playing along anymore, sent her towards the floor.

Scooping her friend up as she fell, Misato kicked off her shoes to help her balance, "Ok, time to visit the Tower. Shigeru-kun," she looked over her shoulder as she navigated towards the elevators, "get everyone shift-balanced. We're calling it. Resume normal operations."

"Yes, ma'am," mock saluting, the man couldn't keep the smile from his face. Looking to the latest in a long line of attempted replacements for the woman being carried away, he grinned, "You know, at one point Maya Ibuki would have happily let herself be carried off in those arms." Turning back to the doors as they closed, he chuckled, "Now? I get the feeling she'll just be irritated it happened." His smile faded, "I do wonder when she became so good at swearing, though."

+++++ Author's Notes

Starfire99: RE: The fire safety post.

It was a narrative device intended to show that even though Shinji's attention was on his targets, he still was aware of his surroundings. It served to contrast Asuka's lack of control, which ended up with her out of the fight stuck in a poorly covered illegal dumping pit. It also placed him in a forested area, away from civilization. Essentially, it was shorthand for a number of clues to the audience.

TheHiddenLettuce: RE: Does Shinji Lift?

Yeah, he lifts.

origamishishou: RE: Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers.

I learned to play guitar by Tom Petty songs.


	80. Chapter 80

+++++ 10th Angel + 2: Tuesday (68)

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Kaz jumped up from his seat, scrambling over to take Maya from Misato's arms while keeping his voice low to avoid waking the host of sleeping people around him, "what happened?" He nodded his thanks to Suzuka as the woman moved to shift a cot closer to where Hikari had finally shut down, "Syncope?"

Inwardly happy to have been relieved of the burden, Misato worked her jacket off to cover for the fact that she wasn't in as good a shape as she'd thought she was, "She's been working since Sunday morning. No sleep, no breaks. According to Section Two, she only ate what Hikari-chan made her eat."

"Idiot," the big man laid her down, gesturing to a drawer and an I.V. Stand before beginning to check her vitals. He'd accepted Suzuka's peculiar selective mutism without complaint, and knew that she'd understand what he needed. "What could possibly be so important that she'd risk serious injury?"

"Nothing major, really," Misato sighed, approaching the table and making a meal of what was on offer. "Just making sure that the people responsible for the sabotage that allowed the collapse of the support sections that bombarded her fiancé's body with radioactive shrapnel from the intentionally compromised and not-wholly depleted uranium armor plating intended to protect him were brought to justice." Sitting down heavily, she began to eat slowly, her appetite ravenous but her energy low. "She single-handedly tracked down everyone responsible, gathered all of the evidence, and dropped it on an exceptionally surprised General Benoit. The last thing she did before coming to the bridge to sign out, was tell Agent Haraldson to stop being…and this is apparently a quote, a 'raging chuckle-cunt'."

Kaz had the line in her arm, the medical tape in place, and sat there staring as Misato described a woman that did not match what everyone knew to be the kindest, most pleasant to be around, woman in NERV's leadership. Lifting Maya's free hand, he placed his against it gently in a soft 'high-five', "In case I forget later." Moving out of the way so Suzuka could cover her over, he set the drip rate of the I.V. and went back to the table, "She's still an idiot."

"I will accept your medical opinion on that," the lavender-haired Colonel shrugged. "This is good. Who made this?"

"Her people," Kaz flicked his hand towards Suzuka, who was ghosting through the various slumbering parties and making certain they were comfortable. "They've been feeding us non-stop for the past few days. That one," he gestured to Nanako's napping form, "has been coordinating it. That one," he gestured to Noelle, curled up asleep in a tight ball on a chair, "has been running it through the blockade on her motorcycle. Our man has built up quite the body of talent. It'd be nice if he'd bring home a good-looking man or two, considering everyone he brings into his circle is both talented and good-hearted, but I can't ask him to save the world and provide matchmaking services."

Misato snorted, "You and me both, Doc." Setting her hands down, she braced herself visibly, "Ok. How is he, really? There's nobody awake but me and her. Let's be honest here."

"We got the shrapnel out, he shows no immediate signs of lingering radiation poisoning, and the NCV tests show he's going to have full sensation." The big man stretched, "We don't know about mobility, cognition, or emotional resilience yet, but we can't know about those until he's awake and lucid. We haven't updated anyone because we wanted to have more data to share. Everything we see now could turn south real fast, because his body isn't exactly…typical. In our jargon, we are guardedly optimistic."

"You're miracle workers," Misato suppressed the urge to cry out in joy. "Fighting to get that shit out of him…everything else we can work on." Smiling, she dug at her food, "When I saw that his plug…thank you." She shoveled what was before her into her mouth, her intent to finish eating then go sleep, "Jush shank you."

"We all just play our parts," Kaz waved off the praise, neither desiring nor requiring it. "I can't hold up giant living alien bombs, he can't extract radioactive shrapnel. If we tried our jobs the other way around, it probably wouldn't turn out so well."

+++++ 10th Angel + 2: Tuesday (68)

"The schools are shut down," Kozo sat helping the UNIGC Commander organize Maya's notes into an ordered timeline of events. "The closest school not affected by the pressure wave is too far to reliably transport everyone to. They are standing up an online lesson plan, with recorded lectures and lessons geared towards working at home." He snorted, "Where were the Angels when I was a boy?"

"I doubt district-wide organized home schooling would have been incredibly effective prior to the invention of the internet. For limited instances, but to make certain the children are prepared for the modern world? Unlikely," Philip chuckled. "I'm afraid, my friend, we are both living in a world that has advanced so far as to be unrecognizable to the children of our youth." Holding up a page that had a series of checkmarks by names, he shook his head, "Have you given this to Doctor Akagi? I am all for Major Ibuki getting some well-earned rest, but someone must check what projects these people have had a hand in."

"I have," the old professor nodded. "While she has no authority to order me to do anything, the good Major told me to 'get the insane cutie to do something useful for once'. The field of suspects she might have intended was fairly narrow to begin with, though I assume she had our resident mad scientist in mind at the time."

"Over fifty people missed in our purge, or freshly recruited. Someone was protecting them," General Benoit made several notes, his shorthand script neat and tidy. "I am afraid we'll have to step up our background checks, investigations, monitoring. Nobody enjoys intrusive employers, but I can't allow her work here to go to waste."

"My people will understand," Kozo sighed, irritated that he had to ask more from people who already gave so much. "After what just happened, they'll have to. We nearly lost everything, and would have if it were not for their target being stubbornness made flesh." A knock at the door led to Ritsuko being introduced, "Ah, Doctor Akagi. We were just speaking of you. How goes the search?"

"I'm running a diagnostic on several systems right now," she frowned between the papers in her hand. "The problem is, some of Maya's work doesn't make sense. Not her conclusions, those are perfectly logical, but why anyone would have ordered these things done. I see at least six lines where you authorized things, Kozo, that you would never dream of ordering."

"Oh?" Setting aside what he'd been working on, he extended his hand for the paper, "Show me."

"Line six, twenty, and the entirety of this second page." Giving over the source of her confusion, she pulled out another sucker and worked it free of the wrapper, "I may be wrong, or out of the loop on several things following recent events, but none of that follows what I understand to be our motivations." There was a brief struggle on her face as she accepted that it was lemon or nothing, "Or even what _were_ our motivations."

"Potassium iodide, charcoal-lined filters…?" Kozo frowned, "For the…of course," he shook his head. "They were planning on working on materials that were leaking radioactivity. They'd protect their thyroids, wouldn't they?"

"Sure," she shrugged, "but none of this was ordered for that group. This is all for the people working on the MAGI, who don't interact with anything even remotely radioactive. None of them were caught up in Maya Ze Dong's purges. Those two groups don't even speak to each other, let alone work together."

Philip chuckled at the wordplay, "I admit, that was clever." Accepting the first paper from Kozo, he read over it, "I'll have my people begin here. We can't be too cautious around the MAGI."

"Let me know if you catch anything on the diagnostics, Doctor." Kozo grimaced, writing down several notes himself for future orders and processes, "I don't want to imagine what might happen if we lose the three of them."

+++++ 10th Angel + 2: Tuesday (68)

Maya slowly came to, her eyelids feeling as if each weighed five tons. There was softness, and warmth, and it was wonderful being asleep, and she wanted to go back, and it was irritating that she couldn't seem to remember, and… _I need to do something._ She frowned, trying to remember what was so important that she needed to move away from the warmth, the soft…. Jolting awake as she remembered that she needed to begin checking for the next Angel, she found a hand clapped over her mouth and Hikari's face hovering upside-down over hers. _Hikari?_

The woman of her dreams bent down and kissed her nose before whispering, "People are asleep. Let's get you moved to the table."

 _Her breath smells of mint. She's brushed her teeth._ She panicked internally, _Oh crabapples, I haven't even looked at a bathroom mirror in…how long have I been out?_ Catching sight of a nearby desk calendar, she realized it hadn't been as long as she'd feared, _Ok. Still, too long. Need to freshen up before kissy-face._ Frowning at the I.V. tube, she followed it up to what she recognized as a 'banana bag'. The decision as to what to do was taken from her as Hikari rolled the post connected to both and dragged Maya along behind.

As they reached the other side of the room, food and coffee was placed before her at the table they sat down near by a warmly smiling Nanako, "Good afternoon, Maya-san. Do you feel up to hearing what we've learned, or would you rather get something in you first?"

Hikari moved to position everything so that Maya needed only one hand, "It's mostly good news, if that matters." Lightly holding the hand still attached to the intravenous drip, she met her goal of holding onto Maya while letting her eat.

Maya smiled hopefully, then covering her mouth before speaking, "I could use some of that," _since I need to convince them to move Shinji somehow down by the MAGI to use his A.T. Field to limit the spread of the virus Angel, if we can find it._ "I can eat and listen at the same time, what happened?"

"Shinji is out of surgery, finally," Nanako began with the most important piece as food was devoured. "They are having trouble waking him up, as he's not responding to them reducing what anesthesia they'd used to hopefully stop him from waking up to knives and pain. Nobody wants to imagine what would follow, for either side."

"Regret," Hikari sipped at her tea. "A lot of regret."

The club owner admitted the point easily, "They've removed the lockdown, standing everyone down from FPC Delta. We anticipate another assault at some point in the future, and they've asked that we Shirakami coordinate with your Section Two to provide closer security than before. We, of course, do not mind. Shinji is one of us, which even if we didn't enjoy his company so well, obligates us to protect his family and lands. We're in talks with our suppliers to…improve our defensive posture."

Hearing the 'jargon' roll easily from the kindly woman's tongue was bizarre, but Maya had experienced too much to truly feel it too strange, "Did you find out where he managed to pick up one of Sakura-chan's ribbons?" _I know Shinji's fine. I can hear the Angels…Aspects, whatever they are. I'm worried about everyone else, he'll want to know they're ok…if I can manage to get in his mind with him. That's a very odd thing to admit attempting, still._

"The entire hospital is being searched," Nanako assured her. "Every microsecond of footage from every camera. To be honest, we would never have considered her a target. We protected her, alongside your people, because Shinji-kun was concerned. He was right, we were wrong, and even though we did not lose focus we still feel the shame of someone under our protection coming under attack." Her eyes flashed, "Especially a young child."

"Have they reported much success with scrubbing the chamber?" Knocking back half of her coffee, she cracked her neck, "I saw that Doctor Akagi threw something together quickly to help them remove as much of the contaminated dust and particulate matter as possible. He'll survive the radiation, but we can't visit him until everything's cleaned out."

"You seem rather certain," Nanako frowned, curious as to how. "I hadn't wanted to broach the topic, as your triumph in doling out justice more than demonstrated your regard for Shinji-kun, but you seem rather sanguine about his health."

"I understand the nature of the beast," the last of the coffee followed. "Once they had him out of the Eva and into surgery, I had no doubts. Being crushed under a few million tons of organic composite, half of his body burned with superheated radioactive particle-filled plasma, jagged metal embedded throughout his back, in his organs? I was very worried. Terrified." Her eyes unfocused, "Watching Rei-chan fight like a caged wolf to free him, to get him to safety with the last of her system's power…I'll hear her sobs of impotent frustration for years…decades. When Unit-00 shut down, when the batteries died…I can understand why she doesn't want to see anyone right now." Coming back to the present, she looked at the Shirakami with a shrug, "He's fine. He was fine the moment Temple's team got their hands on him."

"Wait, Rei-chan's fine?" Hikari blinked, taken aback, "I asked to be told when she was ready for visitors! I asked three times now, and was told that she hadn't recovered yet. They wouldn't even tell me where she was, I…I assumed it had to do with security clearances or something."

"She's at her apartment," Akane sat down at the table, having entered midway through Hikari's rant. "Went straight there once the all-clear was sounded. I'd let her be, kid. Or let Katsuragi handle her. Woman had her arm around her shoulders, walked her to her car whispering something the entire way. Hear tell, Bluebell was crying, and the Sub-Commander was back to being motherly with her." The wear of the past several days was clear on the agent's face, "Came to let you know, school's canned for the rest of the week. They're going to send out materials to study, but the district's not ready for that kind of traffic."

"Well…I guess that takes care of one concern," the Class Rep sighed, "though I really would have liked to touch base with Rei-chan and make sure that she was ok. Now to contact everyone _else_ in my class and make sure they're ok." Looking over to her bags, she gave a half-grin, "I should thank Jake-san for grabbing what we needed. Maybe break my notebook over his head so I have an excuse to not bother."

"Just unleash Atilla here on him," the woman snorted, pointing her thumb at Maya. "He'll beg for mercy real quick."

Maya tilted her head, "Atilla?"

"Would you rather Nobunaga?" Akane smirked, "After having run over everyone and everything in your path, especially over the last twelve hours, I'm perfectly ok with whichever great conqueror you'd rather be named after. The rank and file are either singing your praises or keeping their heads down, depending on how guilty their conscience is."

"I…I wasn't _that_ bad," she blushed. "I only came down on the people that had anything to do with the sabotage of Shinji's supports. I mean, yes I threatened them…but I needed them to talk."

"Threatened them?" Nanako tittered, "Maya-san, I watched a rather charming video of you slapping a man every time he said the word 'what'. I would never say he deserved less, and he'll receive far worse I assure you, but you struck fear into the heart of anyone with even a parking ticket they may wish to hide. According to our people, folks have come forward willingly to turn themselves in for exceptionally minor indiscretions for fear of you somehow tying them to poor Shinji-kun's suffering."

"I did?" Maya scowled cutely, "I don't remember doing that."

"You were running on rage and what food Little Miss Sunshine here could force on you," Akane gestured to Hikari. "Brass tacks, my friend, you are a scary lady when someone threatens what belongs to you. I like it." Winking with a grin, she patted the table, "I did what I came to do. No school for anyone, and we're keeping Principle level targets on base until Shinji's awake and we can plan out better what we'll need to do. Sorry folks, but it's for your safety."

"It's for everyone's safety," Nanako agreed quickly. "Until we can find a countermeasure, or put Shinji-kun against that monster, we'd just be throwing lives away trying to protect all of you." Catching Hikari's wince and downward look, she reached out and took both Maya's and the young woman's hands, "I'm staying here too. Until he's up and moving about, everyone else has their duties." She squeezed Hikari's hand, "You have your class to consider, and your little sister," then Maya's hand, "and you will be one of the people tasked with finding a way around that animal's defenses."

"I need to see him, before I go." Maya looked over to where Noelle and Kodama were asleep. "You wouldn't happen to know how to remove an I.V. would you?" She tilted her hand, displaying the plastic to Nanako, "I need to suit up and I'm a little shaky or I'd do it myself."

Standing from where she'd been sitting, quietly watching the door leading to the cordoned-off surgical area, Suzuka grabbed a few items from the nearby table, walked over and motioned for Maya to join her. _I will go with you._ Carefully removing the butterfly, she looked at the much younger woman, _I believe we can convince the Spirits to allow us to see him._

Maya barely kept her face serene as Suzuka worked, _You can hear my thoughts?_

 _Through him. It was only when you entered this room that it began again,_ placing a bandage where it would do the most good, she looked up with her dark brown eyes glowing with regret. _I swear to you, Maya Ibuki, I did not intend for any of this to occur. I had not intended for he and I to even consider such a close union until decades, if not a century, after you and Hikari had passed. Well past when my own marriage would have ended in Suzuki's death of old age. My position in Shinji's life, as it is now, is how it will remain…to honor what you are to him. I have intruded on sacred ground, and my shame for that intrusion may well be eternal._

"So," the major worked her hand to give herself time to think. "I'm going to need a fresh uniform, and my kit from the lab." Turning to Akane, she gestured to Hikari, "Would you escort her to my private labs? She knows where everything is, but I'd feel better knowing that she's with…some muscle."

"I can probably grab the stuff myself," Akane shrugged.

"I'd also feel better not having someone who doesn't understand my filing system pawing through my lab," Maya raised her eyebrow. "I haven't brushed my teeth in days, I haven't showered either. After I get out of the PPE, I'm going to want to go right into the bathroom there." She pointed to the nearby edifice, "And Hikari knows where everything is. Please?" She looked to her fiancée, who nodded in understanding.

"Of course I'll go," Hikari gently kissed Maya's forehead, "I didn't feel great until I took a shower myself. You take a look at him, and let me know how he's doing. I get the feeling you won't let me go in there."

Maya stepped out of the path of the door, "You're not trained on the equipment. One accident, and you get a dose of radiation that we somehow missed, and I'd never forgive myself, even if Shinji did." _You, on the other hand, will likely just walk it off. You survived worse, I'm betting._

Suzuka's face never betrayed her words, _I was on the outskirts of Hiroshima. To say it was a terrible day is mildly underselling the point._

"Let's go, then," Akane ushered Hikari onwards. "You can show me where the stuff is, so that I can save you trips in the future." The pair were quickly out of the office area, and on their way.

With only Nanako, Suzuka, and herself left conscious in the room, Maya looked at Suzuka with curiosity, "It was his attack."

The willowy swordswoman nodded. _I felt a…closeness, after the first. The second? I began to hear what he heard. That odd otherworldly presence, your voice in his head. I said nothing, as we were…speaking of my shame, though not the entirety of it. I knew you would wish this kept quiet, and had no way to explain to anyone here even had I wanted to. I've heard nothing of Shinji's voice since he fell in battle, but plenty of the inane yammering of a pair of Spirits._

"Whose attack?" Nanako felt there was more happening than she understood, "Maya-san?"

"Just Maya," flicking her bangs out of her eyes, the chief scientist smiled politely. "We're all friends here. I need you to do me a favor…since we're all friends. I need you to promise me that if things go horribly wrong, and something happens to Hikari, or me, or both of us…that you'll help Nozomi-chan keep Shinji sane and fighting." Her eyes were hard as she looked back to Suzuka, "Unless, or until, others that would use violence against those they are supposed to love have learned why that is unacceptable."

The club owner inwardly winced, understanding in some small way how painful that barb was for Suzuka. She knew the woman considered herself responsible for the Horaki family, doubly so now that Toshiro had passed, but now that Maya had a greater claim to the position there was nothing to be done for her old friend. Watching the much taller woman look down, shame etched in her eyes, Nanako just nodded, "Of course, Maya. These are dangerous times. It's only wise that we make certain the little ones are well-tended."

 _You want to earn a place at his side,_ Maya kept the rest between the two women with a connection to and through Shinji, _you rein that temper in. Or I will make him promise to never so much as glance your way no matter how long you two live. His life, Suzuka, was an incomparable hell before he moved through time. What you've undoubtedly experienced in however long you've lived is terrible too, but unlike you? He never even struck his_ father _, a man who deserves far worse than a bruised cheek. He'd never dream of raising a hand against me, or Hikari. You hurt him…I'll find a way to_ end _you, immortality or no._

 _Of course…Maya-dono._ Standing back up straight, she bowed properly, and gestured to the door, _Let us go see if we can recover the Lord Ikari. We must see to our defenses, if we are to see to your wedding._

"We'll be back," Maya moved towards the door leading to her to-be husband. _I'm not cruel, Suzuka. Don't put a distance between us, and don't bow and scrape to me. I hate that. What your husband did was beyond reprehensible, and I can understand logically why you'd turn his head for it. I wouldn't have, myself, but that's me. Where I become angry is the formalized way you two set about physically assaulting each other. I agree with the man I love, the only man I'll ever love. It's disgusting what you two allowed to happen, and I won't have it in our house._

Suzuka felt her cheeks redden, _I would not take such words from a lesser woman. My appellation for you was intended to honor your character, not create a distance between us. You are a good woman, Maya-dono. I would like very much to someday be able to call you friend, and eventually, perhaps, sister. What I've seen in Shinji, I see mirrored in you. My lover's daughter chose exceptionally well, and she will rest easy knowing Hikari has you to aspire to._

 _Wait,_ Maya paused, _lover?_

Suzuka nodded simply, _A long story. One I have not even told the three of them. When the time is right, I may. I speak the truth to you in the hope that by sharing my confidence with you…you may do me the same favor. Do not mention to him what I spoke of with regards to planning. You understand, as a woman, that I am planning for the long term with anything I do. He is more immediate, and sees what others desire as things to be achieved, to be fought for so that they do not want long. I'd rather…I'd rather anything that becomes of us be the result of natural attractions, not him bending to my whims._

 _He already knows,_ handing over the first pieces of the suits intended to help avoid any potential radiation exposure from stray particulates, she shook her head slowly. _Hikari kind of beat him over the head with it. But what I will do is let what you've told me in confidence stay that way, unless he asks directly. I will not lie to my husband._

 _A better woman than most._ As she stripped down to suit up, the long-haired swordswoman seemed morose, _I wonder what you would have done, were you in my shoes._

Maya chose not to answer, as she certainly did not have that answer to give. Whether the taller woman spoke of the situation with her husband, or of something more immediate, or even far older than that, she could not know without engaging in more conversation. A conversation she didn't wish to have at the moment, as it was little more than a distraction until Shinji was up and moving around. Schooling her thoughts to stillness, she silently guided their gearing up until they were prepared to face whatever remained of the machinations of a cabal of relics.

+++++ 10th Angel + 2: Tuesday (68)

As they approached Shinji's side, Maya was surprised to actually see a miniature version of Gaghiel's impressive form floating about the room. Hovering directly over her fiancé, however, was an Angel she didn't immediately recognize, _Gaghiel-san? Why are you-_

Her words were cut off by the former Angel of Fish darting over and phasing through the hood of her outer shell, halting directly before her face with a 'grin', _Advisor! It's you! Oh, thank the Great One!_ Nuzzling her, he seemed to quiver with relief, _We've been waiting here forever and ever, waiting for someone to come and help us. We kept talking, well I kept talking because Sandalphon doesn't want to talk, hoping that you'd hear us. We felt someone connected to His presence, but they didn't respond. And then-_

Heaving a small sigh, Sandalphon cut in, _That is because she could not, little one._ Turning to regard Suzuka, the former Angel of Embryos swam over slowly, _She has never met us. She would not be certain what she heard, and could certainly not inform those who've not been blessed by the Great One that she was hearing voices. They'd think her mad._

 _Sandalphon-san,_ Maya tried to soothe Gaghiel while appearing to adjust her hood, _why are you two out of him? Shouldn't you be in his soul?_

 _We were protecting you, Advisor!_ Gaghiel tittered, rolling away and spiraling around the bed Shinji laid in.

 _It is as the young one says,_ Sandalphon kept up his observations of Suzuka. _During Sahaquiel's return to the fold, Gaghiel determined he was best employed in sparing your mind the agony of the Great One's actions. Calling upon us all, it might have been too much for you. Better that those of us with little to offer in battle use our gifts in other ways._ Turning to regard her, he let his long fins float up in a shrug, _It was either join him, or sit and do nothing. I would not wish to be accused of doing nothing for the one who will someday bear His children._

 _Yes, but…why are you_ still _here? Shouldn't you have…I don't know, gone home?_ Maya walked over to Shinji finally, using the Geiger counter she'd picked up and taking measurements, _Not that I don't appreciate your support, I just don't understand why you'd still be here. Or why I can see you._

We _can see you,_ Suzuka corrected calmly. _I gather that you are his former foes?_

 _We were never His enemy,_ Sandalphon again sighed. _We were confused. Disoriented. Had we known then what we learned in His embrace, we would have given our heads to Him that He might bring us peacefully into His grace._ Swimming over, the ancient fish settled on Shinji's chest, facing Maya, _To answer your question, we remain here at the Forgotten One's request._

Gaghiel crowed proudly, _The Great One needs Advice! The Advisor and…and…uhm…._

 _Focus,_ Sandalphon supplied.

 _It would help,_ Suzuka replied drolly. _I can scarcely make sense of half of what he says._

 _My apologies,_ the former Eighth Angel motioned with a long fin. _The other requirement the Great One has is 'Focus'. The Forgotten One did not mention how it would be found, only that it was a requirement. The Great One is lost in the boundless veil between the firmament and the beyond. Sahaquiel's domain is vast, without borders to describe or give it form. The Great One is powerful, do not doubt my words, but He still exists in His own mind as similar to the Advisor._

"It looks like they got all of the radioactive material before they moved him in here," Maya announced aloud for the benefit of any recording devices. "I probably could have asked Temple-san, or whoever she put on watch, but I wanted to be safe. Breathing in radioactive dust wouldn't go so well with a long and happy marriage." Hefting off the hood, she tossed it aside and sent her gloves and the counter with it. _How can we help?_ _If there's one thing I would ascribe to Suzuka-san, it's that she's focused._

Suzuka was slower to remove her own gear, more out of a desire to remain thoughtful than concern, _If he is not focusing, I am uncertain what my presence would do to aid him. He is not conscious, and that renders education or instruction mildly difficult._

Gaghiel settled on Maya's head as she sat down at Shinji's bedside, _They missed some of the odd energy, but didn't know they'd missed it. We asked Matarael to wash it away. The people seemed very concerned about a rainstorm appearing out of nowhere, but he was very thorough. He's nice. I like him. Walks a little funny, but that's ok. We can't all swim._

 _Their concern was more_ what _was raining, rather than_ that _it was raining,_ Sandalphon patted Shinji's chest, leaving the rest to the women's imagination. _To answer your question, it is not your presence out here in this realm, but within His soul that is required. As you have been touched by His grace, you should be able to slip between them by allowing it to occur. Embrace that which He offers, and you'll arrive by His side._

"Come sit by me," Maya gestured to a nearby chair. "It isn't a crime to be in the same hospital room as someone who's unconscious, no matter how you parted ways. It's not like you're touching yourself inappropriately or anything." _Gaghiel, we're going to look like we're asleep. That's not going to play very well with any of the medical staff here._

 _Oh! Oh! I can fix that!_ Fins pat-patted her head happily, _You leave it to us. Go help the Great One!_

 _Time will pass slowly in your realm, compared to your time within His. We will prevent anything terrible from occurring._ Sandalphon shifted to Suzuka's lap as the woman sat by Maya's side, _I would recommend haste, however. The longer he spends lost in the void, the closer the hated enemy will come to him._

 _The hated-_ The rest of Maya's thought faded to nothing as Gaghiel and Sandalphon shunted them off to Shinji's soul space.

 _Sandalphon,_ Gaghiel kept Maya's head aloft, _I think she didn't know who you were speaking of._

 _They wasted time,_ the former Angel of Embryos shrugged, calmly correcting the equally unconscious Suzuka's hands. _Time is not a luxury he has. Now, focus on convincing others to allow them quiet. Perhaps exercising some of that yourself would help._

+++++ 10th Angel + 2: Tuesday (68)

Asuka glared at the tape of the encounter, reading the various data feeds over and over. Occasionally she'd pause, jot down some notes, rewind several seconds and play it again. The agent that had been assigned to her during her time in the external labs couldn't make much sense of the reasoning she might have, but it wasn't his place to worry over that. The irascible pilot was abiding by the terms of her 'parole', and was remaining largely silent. He couldn't complain, as being here meant he wasn't on the detail that was scouring the city for potential breach points.

The nearby door slid open, admitting Akane and Hikari, the former spying Asuka and frowning, but remaining silent. The latter noticed the same crop of red hair and did what came naturally to her, "Asuka?" Floating over, she maintained a polite distance, if still close enough to touch, "How are you doing? I couldn't find you anywhere…the uhm, well the agents said you were busy."

Her eyes never left the screen, her motions continued unabated. If she had heard, or recognized she was being spoken to, was known only to her.

Recognizing the signs of a woman possessed, driven by something to avoid distractions, she nearly left things as they sat. The failures with Rei, the thought that in a previous life she'd failed Shinji, though, pushed her onwards, "Have you eaten? You're…well, you're still in your plugsuit."

A small tremor in her jaw was the only sign she'd taken notice of anything else. Another pause, more notes, rewinding, and on the tape played. Reaching the point where the ground had given out from under her Eva, she leaned in and watched carefully as everything literally fell out from beneath Unit-02. More notes, more observations, but no external stimuli yet provoked her to further response.

Akane carefully motioned for Hikari to press on. The freckle-faced beauty hesitated, as it was painfully obvious to anyone present that something was bothering the young woman, "We're hoping that he'll be able to have visitors soon. When he does…do you want to come up and visit? Maybe get something healthy to eat? I'd be happy to arrange for something if you need anything specific." Waiting for a span of five heartbeats, she internally sighed as she accepted that Asuka wasn't interested in speaking to anyone. Placing her hand on the woman's shoulder she went to move on, "If you-"

Asuka's voice came out in a quiet growl as her head snapped over to glare death at the woman, "Get. Your hand. Off of me."

Jerking back as if struck, Hikari was surprised to see both Akane and the male agent she didn't recognize seem to materialize between them, Akane pushing her back and the male agent standing there with his hand on what appeared to be a stun baton out and primed. "I really don't-"

The first among Shinji's guards bundled her off rapidly towards Maya's private labs, "Not now."

All she heard before the doors closed behind them was, "Pilot Soryu, I will remind you that according to-"

With the heavy metal portal sealing behind them, she finally tugged herself free from Akane, "What was that? Why does everyone act like she's some wild and dangerous animal? I'm not exactly defenseless, and she's clearly in pain. I jumped back because I wasn't ready for her to snap at me like that, not because she hurt me."

"You're not cleared for that," Akane held her hands up at chest level, keeping herself between Hikari and the door. "There's good reasons, and we're not taking chances. You don't have the protections Shinji-kun does, not physical, not psychological, and certainly not in temperament."

"That's nonsense," Hikari crossed her arms. "If she's hurting, she needs help!"

"They're trying, kid," the calm agent shrugged. "But to be helped, you have to want that help. She's not being ignored, the Old Man isn't Gendo Ikari, but that help isn't fast acting or going to do anything in this situation. Katsuragi came down hard on her for what happened, and anyone would be smarting after that kind of a spanking."

"She spanked her?" The class rep looked back towards the external labs incredulously, "Really?"

"Metaphorical, not literal. I'm not authorized to speak on what went down, but believe me when I say that even I'm having sympathy for the bitch, and she's not a loveable kitten so don't give me that look." Pointing to Maya's desk, she urged them to finish what they were there for, "Let's get what we need and get gone. I shouldn't have even let you stop and chat, but I'm neither heartless nor opposed to Shinji-kun's hopes that he and Miss Pissy-britches be friends. She needs it, and he needs people willing to lay it down for him out there, even if they are a sack of wet cats most of the time."

"I'll take any blame," the Lady of Light groaned. "If any of you have learned anything this past month," she walked over and began pulling out the stashes of various items she'd found in their previous visits, "it's that nobody tells me to stop trying to help people. Especially those people my fiancé cares for."

Akane smiled ruefully, glad that she didn't have to be more forceful. Watching as Hikari pulled a sealed plastic sack with spare unmentionables out of a drawer, she blinked, "That's…pretty clever. But doesn't she worry someone will find them?"

"These aren't the nice ones. These are the plain, no-nonsense, kind that say she's always serious and prepared," Hikari grinned as she dumped everything in a canvas bag from Maya's desk, accepting the status quo while mentally plotting how to foster changes. "The really good ones she keeps either on that fantastic butt of hers, or in my drawer for me to be envious over." _I'm going to talk to Shinji about this. I can't fight this, not and bring them closer. Not if Katsuragi-san is involved like this._

+++++ 10th Angel + ?: ? (?)

"Ah, hello Miss Ibuki," Not-Shinji stood carefully, gently tugging Sahaquiel's hand down from Shinji's eyes. "I was hoping you would find your way to us here." The smile on his face showed signs of strain as he spoke, "I am terribly sorry that you ended up farther afield than you ought to have. Unfortunately, right now, there is a great deal of stress on the system while he is left wandering."

 _I brought them as soon as I could, Forgotten One,_ Ramiel's fatigue was evident in his tone and how it tilted heavily in its slow spin. _I must beg your indulgence, Advisor, Spear…I must go. The boundaries press inwards, and I have to use what energy remains to keep it at bay._

"Go safely, Ramiel-san," Maya reached up and stroked the surface of the harried octahedron, "I promise I'll tell Shinji that you did a wonderful job guiding us."

 _No gratitude is necessary when one does what is right, Adivsor._ Ramiel's list corrected itself a hair as he seemed to glow brighter, _A proper job done is its own reward._

"Go, Ramiel," Not-Shinji urged the polyhedron onward. "Sachiel and Shamshel need your strength."

 _As you say,_ bobbing in an odd bow, it sped off towards the direction Maya recognized as his own.

Israfel Beta seemed to barely be able to sit upright from her position at Shinji's head, "Forgive us our haste, Advisor. The barrier presses inwards, and it is all we can do to hold it back. We thought ourselves stronger than this, we believed his love simply a boon rather than the source of our very strength." Struggling from the ground, she tottered over and fell against Maya in an attempt at an embrace that instead became a cry for salvation, "My other half spurs on our brothers. Please, return him to us."

"What can we do?" Holding the Aspect as she would a lost child, Maya readied herself for anything, "I figured that I should come here, but after that…I'd hoped that he was just in here convalescing. After what happened, it made the most sense."

"It's fairly simple," Not-Shinji looked up to Sahaquiel. "First, I need you to explain to our latest addition to the family that all will be forgiven."

"Forgiven?" Maya blinked, shaking her head and frowning, "Ok. Israfel-san, I'm sorry but I need Suzuka-san to hold you now. I need to speak to your…sister." Guessing from the vaguely feminine shape of the newest, and physically largest, addition she passed over the much more distinctly feminine Aspect to her fellow traveler. "Sahaquiel-san," approaching slowly, she kept her smile up. _These are Shinji's children, they have his love. It is just like talking to Nozomi._

"A-A-Advisor," the single, great eye blinked rapidly as Maya approached. The larger fearing mightily the smaller, despite the power differences at play, "I…I'm sorry. I-I-I really didn't mean to hurt Him. I didn't know! I promise, I promise-promise!"

"Oh, sweetie, I know you didn't mean to hurt him." Reaching where Shinji was cradled, Maya shifted the Aspect's fingers from over his eyes and smiled down at the unblinking stare of the man she adored, "There were miserable wretches where we work that did though. He would have been fine, after a little bedrest, had his entry plug not been sabotaged."

"B-B-But he…he won't wake up." Lightly showing him to Maya, a line of tears built, "If I didn't hurt him when I landed, why won't he wake up?"

"Do you know what radiation is?" _Start basic._

She perked up slightly, "It's what you believe to be the transmission of electromagnetic forces, either as a wave or particle, in extremely high energy form. It causes subtle changes in atomic structure." She looked to Not-Shinji, "The Forgotten One was speaking on such to Matarael before he left to do something…."

"Very good," Maya clasped her hands on one giant thumb and shook happily. "Now, do you know what that does to my species in the…what was the word…."

"Realm," Suzuka offered softly.

Maya nodded, "Yes, the realm we come from?"

"I wouldn't imagine anything good," Sahaquiel tilted her head. "You are mostly dependent on…someone sabotaged Him. They…they sabotaged Him with radiation?" Sorrow became anger, "The pain He was feeling, was caused by these people?"

"Not all of it, but the worst of it." Maya couldn't lie, so she couched the truth less painfully, "It wasn't pleasant to have you land on him. But he would have taken the pain much better had humans not attempted to kill him through sabotage. By weakening his armor and exposing the underlying radioactive metals. I can't lie here," she looked to Not-Shinji to back her up, "right?"

"None may," the man nodded, fatigue hanging off him like the chains of the condemned. "It is an immutable law."

"Seven of your kind came before," Suzuka lifted Israfel, carrying her over and displaying her eagerly. "This that I hold here as one of them. Each trying their hand at crushing the life you hold in your massive hands, child. None could. None _shall_. Our champion fights not for conquest, or lands. Not for money or fame. He fights to save those he loves, such as this child," again she emphasized the Aspect of Music. "You wonder if he can forgive? The boy who helped us find you, he melted half of Shinji's body. And yet Shinji calls on his aid eagerly, enthusiastically. This is not the action of one who hates, is it?"

"I scarred his flesh," the Silvery Israfel admitted wanly. "His declaration of love for the Advisor came from his borrowing my gifts. He will forgive, Sister. He can do no other."

"But…but when will he come back?" The great eye lowered its gaze to Shinji's form, "He can't forgive me if he's not here, and…and…and I want him back."

"If I may," Not-Shinji hobbled over, scooping Israfel from Suzuka's grasp. "I believe it is time for the Spear to play her part."

Maya looked over to the younger image of her stricken love, hardening her heart to what she wanted so that she could do what must be done, "Not without me knowing what part that is."

"A tether for his rage," Not-Shinji urged the willowy swordswoman over. "A conduit, of sorts. The pressure building up around us is largely due to the darkness inherent to his being. How many years of suffering? Sorrow? Abuse? These years were not without cost, and…preventing them from being misused is taking its toll." Sitting down roughly, he cradled his burden from the blow, "The daily routine, the training, the focus…they tied his anger to the creation of happier times. He was able to vent, without harming anyone, because of her."

"What am I to do?" Suzuka tightened her sash, "I owe him far too much, and will deny him nothing."

"That's kind of what I'm afraid of," Maya challenged. "She hasn't earned his forgiveness. She hasn't conquered her own anger, and you want to have her manage his? It sounds like you're asking to tie her to him permanently when he may very well not want that at all."

"Not manage," Not-Shinji stressed, " _tether_." Swallowing, his face became sallow, "She will be the conduit for his wrath. The bearer of his rage. She will house the weight of his soul's displeasure, focus it, sharpen it, and when needed…manifest it."

"Isn't that terribly convenient?" A new voice approached, Nyx sauntering on over to the group with a wicked grin, "Shinji arrives in town, surrounded by exactly the right people, given exactly the right motivations, and prompted in just the right ways. I mean, certainly it is a tragedy that this…oddity," she flicked a finger to Suzuka, "was forced to marry a man she didn't love. Remained childless despite being healthy, and only now does it become a problem in her life."

Sahaquiel cringed away, clutching Shinji close to her breast. The power dynamic in the area around Shinji shifted swiftly towards the one aspect that was neither dependent on his love, nor harmed by the encroaching darkness that threatened to swallow everything. Only Maya and Suzuka reacted without dismay, the former facing the newcomer having thought exactly the same things, and the latter placing herself between Nyx and the man she refused to fail.

"Now is not the time for this, Lilith," Not-Shinji grimaced. "You stand as much to lose as we, should this all crumble around us." Sliding Israfel off his lap, he staggered to his feet and placed himself beside Suzuka between the aspect, and Shinji's prone form, "I will not allow you to push him towards you and your designs. He will be the master of his own destiny."

"Oh?" The Matron of Night laughed, "Maya my dear, sweet, child…what's another word for tether?"

"A leash," Maya answered easily, already having wondered who was on the owning end when the word was used. "If you can't lie here," she frowned between Nyx and Not-Shinji, "then who set all of this up?"

"The one he calls 'Dark'," Nyx wrinkled her nose cutely. "Her superiors are not powerless, and while I controlled much of the creation of this reality, I could not control all of it. She," her head tilted slightly towards Suzuka, "is a spanner in the works. I just didn't realize how, until now."

Her sword in hand, the ancient woman approached angrily, "I serve none but myself. Even the Shirakami are allies, not masters. If it may resolve this sooner, I will swear allegiance to Shinji here and now." Flipping her sword around, she offered it to Maya hilt-first, "I will give this to you to hold while I do so. I will approach him with nothing, to only accept what he grants by his hand."

"A puppet doesn't always know who pulls the strings." Nyx probed the wound she'd dug in the unity, "Why marry who they chose, if they are not your masters?"

Dark brown eyes flashed, "Honor, Temptress. I struck a bargain to save a woman I loved, and I paid my debt."

Maya held her fingers under the flat of the hoary wooden blade at the point of central balance, admiring the craftsmanship as she thought through everything, "Hikari's mom." The puzzle began to piece itself together in her mind.

"Did you know, Kitten," Nyx laid her arms around Maya's neck, pressing her breasts hard against the mortal's back and forcing her to shift her grip on the sword to not drop it, "that an agreement struck here is bound by the same laws? No lies may be spoken here, and any oath made is binding upon the soul of those who swear it." Running her hand suggestively along the wooden length her captive held, she let her other hand dance along Maya's sternum, "If she swears to serve him, forever, violating that oath will cause _exquisite_ pain. Agony that even I would find…excessive."

"Let me save him," Suzuka ignored Nyx. "Let me _serve_ him. If this all ends here, if his power wanes, too many will suffer. I know enough of him to know that he cannot face the escalating assaults against us without their aid."

"You could always ask her to swear never to lie with him," Nyx whispered loud enough to be heard by everyone. "To forgo his touch for all time. You could tear the weed up by the roots, Kitten, before it takes root. A servant, a scullery maid with nothing to her name. Toiling away in the mud and dirt, alone with her anger and her memories of failure…forever."

Rolling the wooden blade around the back of her hand as easily as she had the hoe she once worked in the fields Nyx described, Maya tapped the woman's wrists with the hilt hard enough to make a wet smacking sound. "If you could force this issue, you would have. Whatever it is that's stopping you, I'm clearly the one responsible for making this decision. Thank you for making that clear to me." Stepping away from the group, she faced everyone and continued to think through the situation.

Rubbing her wound with an arched eyebrow, the ancient being pouted, "You didn't have to hit me. I was just enjoying what Lover touches all the time." Rotating her arms, she clasped her hands behind her back and stuck her chest out coyly, "I can't tell you which way to go, because you don't know if I'm pushing you in that direction…or away from it. But that doesn't stop me from telling you the costs."

"It wasn't Shinji's songs keeping her at bay," Maya looked to their 'host'. "It was the power he channeled through all of you."

"She is a part of that darkness," Not-Shinji nodded. "She would turn this into a much different place, Advisor. Gone would be the freedom he enjoys, the warmth and life and light and love. It would all be focused, dedicated to the task of serving _her_ needs."

"That is what he believes," Nyx countered. "I was promised something dear to me, by Shinji's own words. _Equality_. He desires that neither of us be above the other, that either of us may ask without reprisal for what we desire. Why would I throw away my victory? My Song, as he calls it, answers his call just as eagerly as theirs. More so, in fact."

Grey eyes flicked around as she thought through the problem, "Would you ask him to cooperate with Dark's masters?"

"Never," Not-Shinji spat out. "I may not want him to collaborate with Lilith, but I would never ask that he subordinate himself to those that seek to kill my kind permanently. He doesn't have to fight them, peace is a possibility with his strength. His former species can survive, thrive! This captain, Dark as he calls her, has the right of it. A slow build of technology, an eventual place in the universe for their own, Humanity can seek peace with powers far greater than themselves under his protection."

"And what of you, your 'kind'?" Suzuka felt powerless, but couldn't let the point be missed, "Is my 'tether' just shifting the leash from shadowy masters to those closer to home?"

"No," he spread his hands out firmly. "If anyone holds the lead, it will be _him_. You will answer his call, Spear. When he must fight, you will soar at his side. Strike with the force of the raging tides, the might of thunder. I prayed that you would come here, that after his touch you would have the strength of honor to seek your place as a protector of your kind. You need not bend over for him, you need not even bend your knee to him. You know his heart, he does not desire war. But war comes even to those who do not seek it, and I know of none better than you amongst Lilith's children to help him wage it."

Rolling the length of wood between her palms, Maya could feel the aura changing around them. _He's losing all control. They're dying. He'd never want that._ "You swear to protect him," she locked eyes with Suzuka. "You swear to never strike him in anger. You swear to uphold his honor as your own."

"You could have it all," Nyx smiled coyly. "One less woman vying for his time, for his seed."

"Nobody holds his leash," the tech glared at the provocateur. "Not even me. If he loves another woman more than he loves me…it's his life." She looked back to the swordswoman, "Do it. Swear those three things and I'll stand aside and let this happen."

"I need a knife, Imitation." Holding her hand out towards Not-Shinji, Suzuka wasn't surprised when a copy of Shinji's star metal blade landed in her outstretched palm. Walking over to Sahaquiel, she looked up at the titan, "I need to swear this over his form, child. Please, allow me to help."

The Aspect looked down uncertainly, "Y-Y-You won't stab him?"

Dark brown eyes never wavered, "I swear, no harm shall come to him by my hand this day."

"O…ok," slowly lowering him, Sahaquiel was made happier as Maya planted herself between Nyx and Shinji. Opening her hands she showed his body to Suzuka, "He's getting colder, Spear. Please…help him."

"I intend to…for the rest of my days." Holding her empty hand, palm up, over his body, she drew the blade sharply across her flesh. A torrent of blood flowed outwards, "I, Suzuka, the last of a dead and nameless clan, hereby swear that no harm shall befall Shinji of the clan Ikari while I may prevent it. I swear that I shall never strike him or those he shelters in anger. I swear that his honor, his health, his happiness, his joy, his sorrow, shall all be as my own. I am his sworn blade, his wrath made flesh, his to use or dispose of as he chooses. I shall be whatever he requires of me from now until death claims me. This all do I swear of a free mind, a sound spirit, and a steady heart." Laying her bloody hand atop his chest, the action setting her words into the realm of physical law, she felt her hair raise before the equal and opposite reaction happened.

Everyone save for Sahaquiel and Suzuka was blasted backwards from the site of impact. Maya had clenched her eyes shut an instant late as she was sent tumbling uncontrolled by a column of blue plasma which swallowed Suzuka whole. The afterimage blinded her as she blinked rapidly in an effort to regain her vision, and she only vaguely made out Not-Shinji cradling Israfel Beta. Sahaquiel blurred into sensibility next, one great hand supporting Suzuka and the other acting as a seat to a roused Shinji. Rubbing the back of her wrist against her eyes she looked around and saw that Nyx had left, fled, or been banished.

"Sahaquiel, please keep her steady while she recovers," Shinji's powerful voice began the process of triage as he hopped to the ground. "Thank you," Maya heard the smile he used when speaking to the literal giant child more than saw it, his actions still little more than a hazy blur, "your hands are very comfortable." Hurrying over, he put his heart before everything and helped her off the ground, "Are you all right?" Facing back to Not-Shinji he urged more action, "I need you to create some beds. Or cots, something." Searching her eyes, he ran his thumb over her cheek, "You are so beautiful, I have no idea how I became so…. I'm sorry," he blushed and lifted her off her feet to carry her gently, "I need you to lay down. I landed a little hard there, and I saw your head bounce off the ground."

She was carried over to a plush bed that had been created from nothingness, "You're not so bad looking yourself, Pup. Though I wish the world would stop changing your eye's color, and always that one." Trailing her fingers under his oddly colored orb, she smiled at the electric blue it had become. She could feel the vitality rolling off of him, see the impact it had on the environment the Aspects had crafted as the world blossomed back to life. "It's good to see you…it's been two days…two days too long."

"Two…far too long," he changed what he had been about to say with a pained expression. "Time, it uhm…it flows differently here. I've been floating for…a while." Another lingering touch and his face hardened, "I'll be back. Rest." Turning away he hustled over to take Israfel Beta from Not-Shinji's arm, "Come, Silver. You can lay with Maya. This was harder on you and your sister than the others, and I'm grateful for everything you did."

When the increasingly vibrant Aspect of Music was laid by her side, Maya did what any wife of a good man would do. She held her husband's child close and whispered calm reassurances that Daddy was home again, that he'd make everything right as rain. _Everything will be just fine._

+++++ 10th Angel + ?: ? (?)

Shinji left Maya in the care of his younger image, Not-Shinji only staying behind at his insistence as he left to be about his duties. Sahaquiel lumbered along, carrying him in one great hand and Suzuka in the other, to where he could visit the other Aspects and check in to be certain they were recovering. The crimson imprint on his chest, the new invisible string connected to his heart, it all spoke of decisions that were made without his input. He knew, however, that it would be childish in the extreme to deny the need, he couldn't have found his way home without what amounted to a lightning rod.

It bothered him, though, that he now had two vassals. Two married vassals. Two married vassals that were heading towards a divorce owing to the fact that one cheated on the other because the other had once declared him attractive. As the concept continued to grow in his mind, he lightly ran his hand along Sahaquiel's great thumb, hoping that by demonstrating physical affection he would limit his latest child's fears, "The sky is so lively now, Sahaquiel." Gesturing over his shoulder, he projected the smile he knew Ritsuko found soothing, "Are the colors your choice too? Or is that simply natural consequences?"

"I-I-I…I choose them," taking a breath to try and control her stammer, the Aspect of Sky smiled timidly in return. "You…You have blue eyes, w-well two colors that are both blue, and the Advisor has grey eyes, and the Spear has deep brown eyes. I thought that mixing them around would help You feel…feel more like this was home."

"They're lovely," he didn't hold it against her that she was part of the reason he was lost for so long. Her intent was to protect him, and intentions mattered. _Intentions matter._ "I'm going to be speaking seriously with Suzuka, ok? If I seem angry at some points, I promise I'm not angry with you. Please keep us headed to Sachiel, and I'll try to keep things calm."

The cyclopean giant nodded warily, "As You say, Great One."

Shinji noticed that Suzuka began to arrange her clothing, picking at imperfections that only she saw, the subtle signs that she was preparing for a fight screaming louder than any shouted voice could. The reason as to why slapped him and he sighed inwardly, _Is this how fights between she and Suzuki began? Someone pretending that there would be 'calm', only for everything to end in arguing, projecting dominance, fighting for superiority as 'warriors'?_ "The kimono you're wearing is lovely," he began. "I'm guessing nobody told you that what we wear in here is what we see ourselves as most comfortable in. Whoever made that for you…they must have loved you very much. The colors, the fabric, it all must have been incredibly expensive for the time."

He watched her eyes narrow slightly, then close in self-reprisal, "My mother worked as a seamstress, amongst her other duties. She saved up a great deal of what little we could, then bought this cloth from a passing caravan when she saw its quality. We'd had dealings with them in the past, and they always gave us a fair price for suitable goods. I'd thought her intent was to work on a piece fit for one of the local Magistrate's favored ladies, and when it was gifted to me…I refused it. She insisted, wanted me to leave. Go beyond the walls, the machinations, continue my studies where I would. She supported my drive, and ever since…I've always been most comfortable when I believe her spirit armors me."

"Your mother was strong." His eyes became unfocused for a moment as he thought through what it would take to push a beautiful child to spread their wings and fly away, "I understand a little better now why you've always seemed strong to me."

"A rebuke well earned," Suzuka's hands folded over her sword.

"I didn't intend it that way," Shinji shook his head. "You aren't weak, Suzuka. I'd never accuse you of it. What happened between you and Suzuki…I'd say it's not any of my business if I could do so with any sense of truthfulness. We're still in my soul, and I still can't lie. But how it _became_ my business is what I want to discuss."

"Your people need you, Lord Ikari. Both those within, and without the boundaries of your soul." Her eyes held no malice, and her tone was that of a teacher, "If I must suffer, should such a thing be called that, your presence for all of eternity in order to bring safety to mankind? I would suffer it gladly."

"Then answer me truthfully," shifting his bulk around, he faced her on his knees, sat upon his heels, "what did you intend to do about your marriage, before Suzuki…took the Shirakami elders up on their offer."

"Ah…he told you," the woman snorted. "Of course he did. I presume the damn fool came to beg you to lift my banishment? Claimed the fault was his, and his alone? Most likely leaving out the endless fights, the yelling, the accusations of honor being the only reason we both had possessions under the same roof? I gave as good as I received, make no mistake." Looking off towards the steadily brightening horizon, she scowled, "Though I remember who fired the first shot, it matters not. My history with him has ever been tainted by a war we both gladly waged."

"But you love him still," Shinji could read that clearly in her song.

"I do." The admission cost her nothing, "Were that it was enough."

"I-I-If I may," Sahaquiel offered, "the Great One loves you too. I know y-you might not see it, but we can. His love flows freely towards you, his heart is heavy with it…and with sorrow."

"I feel it, child," Suzuka patted the hand carrying her. "That is what makes this all the more tragic. I have been given a gift that I have yet to earn, presented with a chance that the man I swore an oath to must grieve for me to accept. In order to embrace that which the Lord Ikari offers me, I must perform several…disgraceful acts."

"Honor is something you might not understand, from a human perspective," Shinji looked back to the baffled giant. "All of you have your own honor, and while it seems rather simple from the human perspective I speak of, it's something that we just can't imitate. Thank you, though, for helping her to see that I am approaching this from a place of love. It helps to be reminded, from time to time, that even though there's bitterness…it only lingers so long as we allow it to."

Their journey was quiet for a time, each thinking of what it was that had been said and what it meant for what was yet to be spoken. The ocean water that Sahaquiel waded through, hip deep on the colossal being though it was, sparkled a luminous blue as it mirrored the ever-changing aurora of the skies above them. The weaves of grey and brown clashed idly, almost playfully, in the overwhelming azure cascades the titan had crafted. It was, if ever Shinji had thought of such, pure art.

"I will be granting him a divorce, without any contest," Suzuka admitted finally, dispelling the silence. "Whether this chit he dallied with bears his seed or not, this shows that his heart is not steady. He will be free to pursue what he desires…though it is not with me."

Shinji had to know, "If he hadn't? With someone else, I mean."

"We likely would have become embittered, resentful, and eventually found separate housing." She admitted the facts easily, nearly without rancor, "He struck me the reprisal blow with far more force than he ever had in the past. There is a part of him, I am certain, that blames me explicitly for our failure to conceive. I have always believed that I am barren. He, as you know, is not the first man to bed me. Nor the most determined to make me with child, to be honest."

"I realize that it may sound…self-centered," he spat out his weakness, "but I have to know…was this because of me?"

"Only in that you could not serve as the proxy he had originally hoped," she looked at him with a sad smile. "Nor could you perform in the capacity that he needed. Our failures are our own, Shinji. Our marriage was formed on a weak foundation, with cracks already showing throughout the walls and roof before the first vows were taken. Attempts at patching those flaws were never made, by either party, and the rot set in long ago." Standing, she took a step back and then leaped easily over to the hand sheltering him, kneeling down and bowing with remorse, "You have only given us hope. Please, do not take our sickness into your own heart. Hikari-chan, Maya-dono, they do not deserve to see the failure of my marriage besmirch theirs before it even begins. You are a good man, My Lord, and you build upon foundations meant to last."

Pressing her upright, Shinji hugged her close, "I am sorry that your life hasn't been easier, My Lady. I can't forgive you for a crime you didn't commit against me, I can just hope that you can find forgiveness in yourself for what you've done in the past." He smiled as her arms slowly tightened around his waist, "I love you, Suzuka. I am glad to have you by my side, flaws and all. We'll find our way through, as a team."

Pleased that her face was hidden from view, she couldn't stop the single tear from escaping, "I love you too, Shinji Ikari. I swear that whatever becomes of us…I will not build the same house twice."

+++++ Author's Notes

Guest: RE: Radioactive (Radioactive)

Depleted Uranium is used for reinforcing armor in modern tanks. Look up the M1 Abrams as an example. Additionally, Anno-sensei and crew never stated what was used in the construction of the armor of the Eva Units. It could very well be flat out terrifyingly radioactive. Once you break the Square-Cube law, science is already pretty well out the window.

origamishishou:

RE: Heart and Mind.

I'll try not to abuse them, it would disappoint Nozomi if I did.

RE: Fruit Pies.

Shinji sat on his couch, contemplating the inevitable. There would be, as there had been for years, another delivery. At first, it was quaint. A charming little addition to his life, a way to shake up the supposedly 'bland' diet that Hikari accused him of favoring. Then, it became a touch worrying. He had begun to monitor Nozomi closely, as her diet had suffered with easy access to something 'tastier' than his well-balanced meals. Next, it became destructive. The diagnosis of diabetes for his little sister prompted a politely worded request that NERV perhaps limit the 'payment', as it was called, to once every other week.

It was then that he learned the terrifying truth. It was written into a contract that he accept these…these _pies._ If he didn't accept them, he could be seen as violating his duties. He tried sharing with the agents, but they weren't comfortable taking what he'd earned. He tried bringing them to school, but the other students just weren't interested after a few weeks straight. Gifting them to hospitals, other schools, even nearby homeless shelters eventually met with refusal. And so he accepted that he'd have to do the unthinkable, and throw it away. It hurt him…as he knew someone worked very hard to make what was, to any normal man, a lovely dessert.

The day after he did so, when he opened the door to accept the delivery, he realized his mistake. If he threw it away, he wasn't 'accepting' it. Instead of one, now the man had brought two. The second pie was a warning. There was no going back, now.

He dreaded the sound of the doorbell, the sound of his flaky doom.

RE: Yang.

Bit of behind the scenes fluff, she's named the way she is because of Hikari. Though imagining her with a topknot and puffy orange pants does amuse me.

Guest: RE: End of chapter conversation.

Misato and Maya were speaking to one another. Shigeru and Maya never spoke to one another. The most interaction Shigeru had with Maya was grabbing her tablet before she dropped it so that the IT department wasn't angered.


	81. Chapter 81

+++++ 10th Angel + 2: Tuesday (68)

Shinji awoke, his sense of self realigning to the physical shell it was forced within, and felt relief at once more existing within the real world. Maya and Suzuka also stirred nearby, though their positions would have failed to indicate the slumber they'd undertaken, and he moved to sit upright, _We have things to do._ Gripping the end of the breathing tube that had been placed by protocol, he slowly hauled it out of his throat, _I need clothes, and the location of the people threatening Sakura-chan and Nozomi-chan._

"That wouldn't be wise," Suzuka cautioned. "Our intelligence places them somewhere in the new European Union, and it is a rather large continent. We're working with your Intelligence Service to narrow that down to a more state-based level, but even as fast as we are…better that we remain here."

Maya stretched, cutely, "Besides, you're not getting clothes until you shower." Standing, she picked at her PPE, "Something I intend to do. Maybe inviting our fiancée."

"Maya," he tried out his throat, finding it ticklish and raw. Making a face, he could taste the terrible breath he had, _Ok, not speaking until I have a toothbrush and a half gallon of mouthwash._ Looking between the two ladies, he set his face firmly, _I will not sit idly by and allow someone to attack my land and slaughter my people. If this is a human-sized Angel, or even a clone similar to Rei, we need to stop them from making more. Even as much as I would prefer a peaceful resolution, they are clearly not interested in reciprocation._

"We will not sit idle," Suzuka made a soothing motion. "I intend to seek out what I can, while also pursuing the last two gravesites. I will keep my word to you, My Lord."

 _I know you will,_ his tone softened. _Be cautious. You're strong, powerful, talented…and precious to me, to Hikari, to Nozomi-chan. I don't have so many friends that I'm eager to start burying them._ Lifting up the blanket he saw the expected tubing still in place, _Damn it. Ok, Maya please go get one of the doctors. I want this out of me._

"I can get it," she walked over to the nearby cabinet to grab some disposable latex gloves. "Suzuka," she looked at the woman and stressed the lack of suffix, "please ask Hikari to get things ready for us. I really, _really_ , need a shower. After that, I agree with my husband. Be cautious, your oath to him is no good if you're not alive to fulfill it."

Inclining her shoulders slightly, she smiled playfully, "I shall even look both ways before crossing the causeways, just for you Maya-dono."

Turning around and walking off, she missed the smirk on Maya's lips. Once they were alone, she looked at Shinji seriously, "You need to remember to use your words." Twitching an ear as she worked with the drainage tube, she signaled that people could be listening in, "We understand what you mean without many words, but not everyone will. After we brush our teeth, though, I'm going to kiss you for a bit. I'm guessing Hikari will too. So…be ready for that."

With the last of the tubes out of him, he swung his legs free of the bed, "You're right. As usual." He could easily tell how terrible he sounded, the cough gone for the moment but the lingering ailment remaining, "I don't see any scrubs…think they'll mind if I borrow the sheet? I don't want to be indecent."

"I don't want you to rush into anything," preventing him from changing the subject and stepping up against him, she wrapped the sheet from his bed around his lower half. "You forgive people quickly, easily. But I can see that you're still hurting over this, and you're pushing yourself to let it go."

Folding her in his arms, he didn't care that they both smelled odd, "Because there is no right answer, here. He cheated, she struck him. He struck her back because she insisted. They've spent so long loving, hating, holding on for no other reason than not wanting to be the one to let go…this isn't a situation where anyone's 'right'. They both hurt me, because I didn't understand where they were coming from. I put them in that position. They need _us_ , now. Both of them."

"…So where are you putting her?" Maya looked up at him, resting her chin on his chest where he'd been indelibly marked by a woman other than her or Hikari, "Since you want her to succeed?"

"Nowhere," he shrugged, unaware of the true nature of Maya's concerns. "Her life is her own to determine the course of. I'm the master of my destiny, and I won't be the commander of anyone else's unless I absolutely have no other choice."

"Correct answer," she grinned toothily. "Now you get the teeth thing."

+++++ 10th Angel + 2: Tuesday (68)

"I can't say that I'm terribly happy about the entire idea," Ritsuko idly chewed on the stick of her latest victim. "There's an awful lot of very serious complications that could be hiding just beneath the surface." Her eyes took him in, "No hair loss, your eyes are clear…you're still pale as a ghost, but that's 'normal' for you. You just got back on your feet a few hours ago, Shinji, do you really think you can manifest whatever defenses you have? Be honest with me now, friend to friend."

"This is where I'm going to be helpful," he shrugged. "We don't know when this 'Perfume' is going to come back. It wasn't just Nozomi-chan that was in danger, it was Jake-san, Nicolette-san, the Shirakami, even Captain Yamadera's team. We need to know more about what I did on the Fleet, and we can't take baby steps. We'll start non-lethal," he looked to Kozo who simply raised his eyebrow, "and we'll work up from there."

"Shinji-kun," the old professor was clearly less than sanguine about the entire adventure, "I will never accuse you of being timid, but asking people to shoot at you is, by definition, lethal." He gestured to the array of firearms, ammunition, and other means of dealing death, "There is nothing here that couldn't easily kill me. That it _might_ not kill _you_ is still theoretical."

"Sir, I've been lit on fire, burned by high-density photonic weapons, had radioactive shrapnel imbed itself in my spine, been crushed by millions of tons of pressure, and slapped by Hikari. I'll survive this." Looking between the two, he shrugged, "I won't be talked out of it. If I have to experiment on my own, I will. I'd rather include the smartest person I know," he gestured to Ritsuko, "because while I may not be a complete idiot, I'm not half as smart as she is."

"I'd appreciate the compliment a lot more if it weren't in relation to an experiment which violates any number of ethical boundaries," Ritsuko smirked. "But if you're serious, you're serious. Let's stop wasting time and do science."

+++++ 10th Angel + 2: Tuesday (68)

"He's currently being shot at," Hikari said with a wicked grin, anticipating the explosion on the other end of the phone. Holding the device slightly away from her head, she smiled placidly as Misato made a loud string of inarticulate noises culminating in something resembling a promise that she was on her way with Rei. When the line went dead, Hikari leaned against Maya and sighed, "I'm going to have to be cross with her."

"She just began her journey into our lives," Maya caressed Hikari's shoulder as they watched from a far distance away while Shinji's A.T. Field swallowed all of the momentum from the bullets fired at him. "The habits of a lifetime are incredibly difficult to break, and in her mind she still sees punishment where only fondness exists. We'll get her there." _How is Sahaquiel doing, Pup?_

 _Fantastically,_ Shinji's hand floated about before him, probing the speed at which he could move and finding that he was very close to being able to snap his hand out faster than the bullet could arrive. _Her Shield is actually stronger than the A.T. Field, and she says the bullets 'tickle'. The nine millimeter rounds she didn't even notice, the seven six two either. The fifty really is what tickles. Sustained pressure on a single point is more effective against the Field, but her Shield might take…much more drastic measures to crack. Hold on, Ritsuko's talking._

Maya hadn't wanted to be so removed from these tests, but accepted Kozo's demand that she stand down for an evening. He had forcefully agreed with Shinji in that burning her out wouldn't improve their position long term, insisting that Hikari take charge of her and that they at least sit a safe distance away and observe. "He says that his newest child is being 'tickled' by a weapon designed to punch a hole in armored vehicles. He's safe, I promise."

"I know he is," flinching again at the powerful boom of the heavy weapon, she tucked in closer to Maya's embrace, "I don't have to like this…but I understand it." Her hands remained clenched around her cell phone, "What do you think we should do about Asuka? I understand that you can't tell us what's wrong, or why she's so…angry. We can't expect Shinji to just sit back and let it lie, and to be honest I can't just sit back either. She's not the most likeable woman, but she's suffering."

"Everything that can be done, is being done." Maya kept her own displeasure at Hikari risking herself quiet, "We can't order her to involve herself in Shinji's life more than she is. What happened during the recent fight wasn't her fault, but she did make things worse by panicking. She's got a temper that puts Ramiel to shame, and nothing we do or say will change that if she doesn't want to have it changed."

"I can't believe she'd actually hurt me, Maya," another shot, another flinch. "She's angry, I agree. But she doesn't seem the type to do something that would risk her freedoms. She also seems to enjoy Shinji's company too much to risk alienating him by punching me."

"You know I'll never tell you what you can and can't do, babe," Maya combed her fingers through Hikari's hair. "Please, just believe me when I say that there are good reasons for the measures in place. It isn't just _your_ safety we're worrying over. If she has to be…restrained, we could very easily be down an Eva at a terrible time. If it seems we're being overly cautious, it's because the world is balanced in the hands of a reclusive victim of abuse, a hot-headed victim of abuse, and Shinji…."

Hikari finished the thought, "A recovering victim of abuse." She accepted that her perspective was limited, and that as badly as she wanted to not fail as she had in the timeline her two loves remembered painfully well, she needed to accept what she could accomplish and be content with that for now, "What was it like? Inside of his soul?"

"Terrifying," the suddenly introspective major searched for the words, "I…was watching the death of a planet. An entire eco-system crumbling to the ground as a desperate few fought with everything they had to keep it spinning for just one more minute." Her hand stilled on the freckle-faced beauty's head, "He was lost in Sahaquiel's dreams, where she'd held him to keep his concept of self safe. She honestly believed that he was safer and happier where nobody could touch him, but that was just her subconscious. Her conscious mind desperately wanted him to tell her he wasn't angry, and so the two were preventing the other from cooperating. They're…not all adults, Hikari. Some, like Sachiel or Shamshel, are older than the Earth itself. Others, like Gaghiel…or Sahaquiel, aren't. We think of the Angels as 'alien', or the Aspects inside of Shinji as 'spirits', but the truth is…they're just _there_. They've got personalities, feelings, desires, and all of it is only loosely understandable from our perspective."

"It sounds confusing," Hikari tried to keep up with Maya's thoughts. "But why was it falling apart? Was he…was he actually dying?"

"No, at least not physically," setting her hand in motion again Maya resumed comforting the woman she loved. "There's a disconnect in him, maybe in all of us…I don't know. The Aspects, as they prefer to be known now, are holding his darkness at bay. It's not just metaphorical, when I say that. Inside of him is a very real darkness. If what the one known as 'Not-Shinji' is saying is right, it's the manifestation of all of his anger. His pain, his sorrow, everything that we'd view as 'negative' given a form." She frowned, "And this 'Nyx' is dwelling inside of it."

"But the Aspects are pushing it back?" There was a hope in her voice that begged for fulfillment, "They're healing his darkness?"

"We don't know that," Maya disagreed. "They could be masking it. Repressing it. Or, they could be healing it like you say. I don't have enough data to go on, and there isn't a psychology book in the world that could begin to address what's happening inside of him. Even worse, there's nothing truly saying that Nyx isn't correct and Shinji's internal world shouldn't be ruled by his darker emotions."

"What?" Hikari pushed away, looking at Maya as if she'd grown eight heads, "How on Earth could you think that?"

"What if he's not processing any of his rage?" Her long hours of thought on the matter while holding Israfel were now well-ordered enough to share, and her characteristic calm kept her from reacting badly to Hikari's immediate rejection, "What if in masking it all, they're fundamentally changing who and what he is? What if all Nyx wants to do is free him to control his own destiny, and 'Not-Shinji' wants to craft some sort of super-man that will protect him and his kind? What if those small bursts of anger that Shinji shows from time to time aren't mistakes…but are what he truly is inside crying out for help?" She could see Hikari's face grow more and more nervous as she went on, but she needed the young woman to know the confusion she herself was going through, "What if Nyx really does just want him to love her, and for the people that work with Dark to leave us alone? We might be viewing someone as cartoonishly evil because we don't understand her, and because she wants what we have. Like I said…I don't know. There's a lot that doesn't add up right, and I'm trying to piece it all together."

Laying her head back on Maya's shoulder, Hikari looked down at her fiancé and began to ponder whether Shinji's fears that everyone else was controlled into loving him were…misaimed.

+++++ 10th Angel + 2: Tuesday (68)

Spying the approaching storm, Shinji held up his fist at shoulder level to call a halt to all actions. Once he was certain the motion had been seen, he used the same hand to gesture towards the 'problem', "Incoming." Scooping off his ear protection and setting it on the small table next to him, he squared his shoulders and ordered his thoughts to defend against whatever Misato might level at him, "I had heard you were home resting."

"I had heard you were laying in bed, unlikely to wake up until at least tomorrow. You know, after receiving a fatal dose of radiation, having shrapnel imbedded in your spine, undergoing a couple million hours of surgery, minor things like that." Marching over to stand glaring up at him, Misato had reached a near Zen-level of anger, and Shinji recognized it easily as disappointment-fueled, "This is your idea of 'recovery'?"

Enacting the fifth plan he'd come up with, he lightly gripped her shoulders, "I love you too, Misato." When her eyes narrowed, he shook his head, "I have an obligation. To them," he lifted one hand to draw her attention towards Akane, who had been firing at him by her own demand, "to them," the same hand shifted to where Hikari and Maya were now speaking with Rei, "to you," the hand returned to her shoulder, "and to myself. I don't understand my potential. My…powers, as that's the word everyone prefers to use, may well be the key to unlocking how to beat this 'Perfume'." He tightened his grip, "He threatened Nozomi-chan, I will not sit idly by and hope."

"That's a rifle intended to punch a hole through reinforced armor, Shinji," reaching up and gripping his wrists, she worked within what he'd set as the expectations for their interactions. "If whatever power you're using fails, it would tear through you like wet tissue paper. A hit to your midsection would obliterate your organs, to say nothing of a headshot. What happens to the rest of the world when the only reason we've kept it spinning doesn't have a head anymore?"

"She's been aiming at my gut," he shrugged. "Akane-san insisted that she be the one to shoot, since she figured we couldn't convince you to do it."

Her hands clenched at the mention of her shooting at him, "That would still sever your spine. The shockwave would devastate your internal organs."

"Which, having experienced something similar, is not as painful an experience as I thought it would be, all told." He chuckled, "Most of the pain came from the Angel landing on me and grinding me against Rei." He looked over and saw that Hikari was in 'Class Rep' mode, "I'm glad she's ok. I tried to shield her as best I could, but when Asuka fell in a-"

"Don't change the topic," Misato snapped. Her anger was still boiling hot regarding a certain redhead's failure to adequately adapt, "I'm sorry that we were attacked before we were ready to defend against this…whatever he is. I'm sorry that he targeted Nozomi-chan, you know that I adore her. But I will not let you keep throwing yourself into the path of danger because you're impatient. Give your fiancée, give Doctor Akagi a chance to earn their damn paycheck. Go rest. Go play with Sakura-chan and Nozomi-chan. Go to the cafeteria and work in the kitchen! I don't care what it is you do, but damn it Shinji, stop risking your life for five seconds!"

 _Time for plan nine._ Scooping her up off the ground and hugging her tightly, he whispered, "I can't." There was, as there likely always would be, a part of him that thrilled in pressing the body of Misato Katsuragi against him. It embarrassed him, especially as he was engaged to be married, but it also helped him understand in some small way what may have gone through Suzuki's mind. _The 'other woman' is always a danger._ "When I was told what happened, I imagined everyone I loved lying torn and bloody on the ground. I could see, as clear as day, Hikari, Maya…you, _dead_." He tried to put his heart in his voice, though the gravelly quality prevented success, "I saw you dead, Misato. It was the _' Rainbow_ all over again. You can ask me for anything, ask me to stand in the park and sing cartoon theme songs, ask me to wear a duck-themed onesie, ask me to strip naked and dance, I will give you _anything_ …but I will not stop. I will not lose you." _Not again_.

Her arms encircled his neck as she laid her forehead on his shoulder, "…What am I supposed to do if I lose you?"

"Protect what remains," he answered easily, having known what she'd say. "You send me out to kill the Angels. You know that there will always be a risk of me, or Rei, or Asuka dying. I go out and fight to protect billions of lives, death is…an unavoidable risk for me. I'm not mindlessly risking things, and I'd be happy to talk to you about what we're doing to protect me while we test. I'd love it if you'd take an active hand in this, I really would. You're probably the most cunning person I've ever met, and you'll see an angle to attack my defenses that someone else might miss. With you and Rits working together, we might save on ammunition costs if nothing else."

Slapping his back, she snorted out a laugh, "Only you would think about the damn taxpayers." Soothing where she'd struck, she murmured, "I…miss being held by you. On the _' Rainbow_ it was…special."

"I enjoy holding you," he admitted. "This wasn't just to work through your instinctive defenses, I honestly wanted to have you in my arms so that I could force the thoughts of you dying out of my head. The hug you and Noelle gave me in the shower…I remembered the dark thoughts being chased away. You're real. You're here. I…I haven't failed."

"I'm not going anywhere," pressing back, she kissed him gently. "And if you're going to insist on doing something stupid…I guess I can come up with a suitable payment for my services."

"I am ever at your service," Shinji grinned as he set her back on her feet, pleased that he'd managed to bring another trusted ally on board. "Let's go over the plan with Rits and Akane. I think you'll see where we're approaching this from, and I'm sure you can help us do this better."

+++++ 10th Angel + 3: Wednesday (69)

Sitting in a reclined position with Hikari and Maya between his legs and curled in each other's arms against his stomach, Shinji kept his thoughts narrowly focused. While even after a long night of holding up his defenses for a scientist and two tacticians he didn't need sleep, and indeed felt like going for a run to clear his head, he accepted his obligations to the two women he held and their need for emotional comfort. It was odd, after a fashion, sitting in 'Shinji's Lovely Medical Suite' when he wasn't connected to anything medical. The dinner they'd shared with Nanako, courtesy of the Blue Crane, the discussions of what would be done with regards to school, everything was turned upside down thanks to a single being's desire for his blood.

 _'Odd'_ , he glowered. _Even in my own mind I undersell how much I can't stand this. I don't call it 'annoying', or 'irritating', or even 'typical' considering how the rest of my life has gone. No, I just call it 'odd' and let it float on past. Have I really changed? I said I wouldn't let anyone else dictate the course of my life, but here I am. Sitting here in a NERV-issued hospital bed instead of my own._

 _Yes you have changed, but you can't make other people's choices for them._ Dark landed on the foot of his bed, scarcely ruffling the sheets, _If someone decides they're going to shoot at you, your choices become very limited. Right now, you're choosing to protect the people who don't have your abilities. That's probably the best choice you could make. That you don't gnash your teeth and scream invectives at the world for being unfair? I'd call that maturity, not passivity._

Tilting his head to the side, he considered the ship's captain, _I really am surrounded by beautiful women._

Extremely humanoid in appearance, the rose-tinted skin of the woman he knew as 'Dark' highlighted blue suddenly, _I…I'm not sure I understand what that has to do with what we were just discussing. It's certainly a non sequitur._ Lifting her chin, she seemed to will away the hue and crossed her arms, _So, I guess you can see me now. It was inevitable, really._

 _Your eyes are slightly larger than someone your size would be, and that pink just glows,_ he grasped onto the new train of thinking, embracing the opportunity to get out of the rut he'd walked himself into. _And I get the feeling that's not makeup. Tattoos? Or is it a natural feature? They're stunning, whatever they are. The patterns are so intricate, whorls and spirals all dancing in and around each other._

 _They're…natural,_ the blue shading returned with a vengeance. _I know that you aren't familiar with my species, but what you're doing right now is considered very serious flirting._

 _Oh,_ he blushed. _I'm sorry…it's likely not all that different from our culture. Commenting on the beauty inherent in someone's being is often considered flirtation, I am very sorry that I put you on the spot like that. I can see you now, yes. Is it because of what happened with Sahaquiel?_

Dark shook her head, _It's because of the aggregation of power inside of you. With each new being you host, your perception of the universe itself grows. Think of it like a telescope, and each new addition is a better focal lens. You're seeing better, and farther, than you could before._ The blue tint hadn't faded fully, _How does it feel?_

 _Worrying,_ he admitted with a shrug, his eyes still taking in the minute differences that clearly indicated his guest was of a different species. _With all of this power, everything I can do…I could harm someone accidentally. Learning control has become even more important, but I don't have the time I need to do it. Every week another Angel has come, and every week my powers grow. By the time I get used to 'normal' I'm already having something else shoveled inside of me._

A tight smile graced her lips, _That's good to hear._

Confusion dominated his features, _Eh?_

 _I'm risking my crew. I'm risking an increasing amount of discontent from my home world. I'm risking allowing creation to be determined by a being that would wipe my kind from existence without hesitation._ She lifted one finger and aimed it at him, _And I'm risking it because I had a gut feeling about a member of an underdeveloped species that hasn't travelled further than its own natural satellite. You understand, inherently, something that most of your kind doesn't, Shinji._

He shook his head, _I'm…I'm not that good. It isn't altruism, it's fear._

 _Fear is what keeps us alive,_ she countered. _Fear slows us down enough to check the depth of the water before we dive in and snap our neck. Fear makes us double check our calculations before we sail past a_ there was a burst of static that obscured her last words. _Fear is healthy, like most things however it's only healthy in moderation. Learn to use what you have, with proper caution._

 _I've noticed…when you say some things, everything becomes…it's like when the television loses signal during a lightning storm. There's this fuzzy noise instead of whatever you meant to say._ The possibility that he was being offensive popped into his mind, _I'm sorry…I just, it's confusing._

 _Limitations of the translator,_ she waved away any potential for offense, easily grasping what he'd meant. _Words are concepts given voice. There are some concepts that you lack, and I've become a lot looser about talking around those concepts because I forget that you don't have them. It's my fault, and I'm sorry that it's confused you. You're extremely intelligent, but I should remember that intelligence means little without training._

 _Oh. Well,_ he gave her a pleased smile in return, happy that she was relaxing around him, _I'm always willing to be trained. I've learned a lot of interesting things since I came here from…the other timeline. Things I never would have sought out there. Considering I don't need sleep anymore, I'd be more than happy to give you some of the time I have to learn._

 _Careful,_ her smile changed to a grin, _I told you once my species takes offers like that very seriously. If I start training you, you might find you can't get rid of me. We don't take on students haphazardly like your species does, and bonds of trust are essential._

 _Equals_. _I promised you that I'd consider you my equal, that I'd listen to what you had to say. I may not have always understood what you were doing, and I certainly haven't forgiven Gentle for what she did, but I'm not going to hold you responsible for everything someone 'like' you did. I wouldn't want you to hold me responsible for what my father did, or what SEELE is doing, so it's only fair that I return the favor._ Holding his hand out, palm down, he reached towards her, _You trust me, you said so yourself. I'll offer you the same trust. Help me find a peaceful resolution to all of this. Help me find a way to avoid having to kill anyone. If I'm so powerful, there's got to be a way._

 _If I do…._ She considered his hand, _If my people ostracize me…. Will you protect me? Will you give me a place by your side for all eternity? Will you swear, on the waters of your forebears, to never turn from me?_

 _I will never abandon a friend,_ he stated without hesitation. _I…don't think swearing on the man that abandoned me is worth much. I'm also starting to have doubts about my mother, considering she never answers my calls inside of Unit-01…. How about I swear on the love they have for me,_ he gestured to Maya and Hikari with his free hand. _It's far more precious to me, certainly more than a family I never knew._

Her face softened, _Fitting. And acceptable._ Reaching out, she took his hand and pressed it so that it rested vertically, lacing her fingers through his, _Equals. We'll find a way to keep the casualties to a minimum, and a way to stop the power-mad bitch from limiting life to only that which she's birthed._

He felt a crackle pass between their palms, like he'd touched a doorknob in exceptionally dry air. His throat felt parched, and his chest tightened, _I…what?_

 _It's a gift, to tie the two of us together formally,_ she used the leverage point of their combined grip to pull herself over, lying down under his shoulder and curling his arm around her. _Your physiology isn't suited to rapid and unfettered growth. Each time you take another within you, your body grows to help contain it. The problem is, your body hasn't grown evenly, and the rapid evolution it's undergoing is selecting against certain features it feels either redundant or ill-suited to helping you survive. I can't take away the way you sound from this distance, but I can make it so speaking doesn't lead to coughing fits. In a crisis, you need to be able to communicate calmly and clearly or people won't know what they should do. The first and most important lesson any Captain learns._

Now holding three women, Shinji listened intently as Dark began his tutelage. He'd begun the night angry, distressed, and afraid of a future that he had no control over. Now, with another ally, he began to see that those worries had simply been his mind's way of attempting to plan for the future. That he had control, instead he just hadn't known where to steer.

+++++ 10th Angel + 3: Wednesday (69)

The youngest 'prisoners' medical suite had become a classroom, as Sakura and Nozomi worked diligently to keep up with their peers. One of the Shirakami had spent some time as a substitute teacher before a disagreement with his school's principle made him reconsider his vocation, and gladly accepted the charge of teaching a class of two eager students for the time that the schools would be shut down. "The common way in which to read this is not to visualize the word, as we do in Japanese, but to sound it out. Each symbol has a few sounds associated with it, as you know, so think of the most likely sound and pair it with what follows."

Sakura nodded, looking over the sentence and fumbling through, "T-huh…Th-ee? The. The kyu…the kwihkk, quick. The quick brohwin…brown? The quick brown fohsh…." Sighing, she slumped down, "English is impossible, how do they remember all of these sounds? At least with our language they always sound the same!"

"The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog," Shinji read the board, leaning in the doorframe. "Sensei may have told you, but that's a pangram. It contains every letter in the English language at least once. Similar to the 'いろは', for us." Bowing to the stern-appearing Shirakami, he stepped into the room, "My apologies, Sensei. I only have a few moments, and wanted to get my hugs for the day."

"It is truly of no concern, My Lord," the man's demeanor failed to match his appearance, far more easy-going than he looked. "You've actually struck on where my lesson was going, as I was intending to transition from English to Japanese literature. I'm pleased to see you have gained some knowledge of the classics, yourself."

"I can agree with the sentiment hidden in the poem, about carrying yourself with honor." Approaching the bed, he was pleased that Nozomi stayed put so as not to jostle Sakura about too much. Holding his arms wide, he showed no favor for one over the other in his affections, "I'm beyond grateful that you two are safe. I'm sorry that you're stuck here for now, I'll try and resolve things soon so that you can be free again."

As he settled back on his heels, Nozomi fidgeted uncomfortably, "It was super scary, nii-san." Slipping her hand into Sakura's she had a difficult time making eye contact, "I was super scared that he'd hurt her. That she…that because she was super special to me…."

"That is why we stood guard," the teacher stated reassuringly. "We will always protect you, little ones. You are the future of our nation, and therefore exceptionally precious to us."

"Exactly," Shinji nodded comfortingly. "You are, right now, surrounded by thousands of people who are searching for ways to keep you safe. I'd stay here, but I have to go help them figure out how to take care of this. If I have time, though, how does having a late lunch sound? Maybe dinner?" He remembered the television schedule, and snapped his fingers, "We could all watch that wrestling show together."

"Would you?" Sakura looked to Nozomi, the natural leadership of the Horaki clan drawing her to seek approval, "I…I'd like that."

"I would too," the Little Lady of the Horakis jiggled, agreeing with her best friend. "I know you're super busy, nii-san. So if you can't…we'll understand."

"I promise I'll try my hardest," Shinji swore with one hand on his heart and the other raised to his shoulder. "But, in exchange you have to listen to Sensei. Literature is extremely important, it's how we learn about ourselves, about the world around us, and how all of it fits together. Not everything can be explained by science, or math. Some things need the _spirit_." He smiled warmly, "Both of you have such a strong spirit, I want so badly to know that you will grow up to be whatever you want to be…ok?"

"We will nurture them to our utmost, My Lord," the teacher inclined his shoulders slightly, an air of great respect flowing from him. "They have shown to be excellent students, and I have yet to have a complaint for either of them."

"We'll do our best, nii-san," Nozomi held out her thumb. "Even…even in History."

Sakura blushed, "I _like_ History."

+++++ 10th Angel + 3: Wednesday (69)

Rei sat between Hikari's legs on a lower row of the stadium-bleachers style seating, her hair being calmly combed out. The bluenette had, at a stray comment from Shinji, allowed her hair to grow longer. While the comment hadn't been directed towards her, the knowledge that he preferred longer locks had not escaped her notice. "I had not anticipated it growing at quite such an accelerated rate, when I first compared it to others in my age group. According to most scholarly sources, it should not exceed one and one quarter centimeters per month. My assumption is that it has something to do with my unique genetic heritage."

"I think it's beautiful," Hikari said with a gentle pat of the shorter woman's shoulder. "I'd love to see how long it can go, how it looks when it's flowing. Mine can get a little wild when I had it as short as I did. Two months of growth, like you said, added enough weight that I only need to wear a headband. Otherwise? Poof. Hair everywhere."

"I believe your decision to allow your hair to increase in length is wise, as it lends you an added air of authority," her eyes flicked between where Shinji and Dark were, standing under the protective bubble with only one of them visible to the rest of the test personnel, and Misato, Maya, and Ritsuko who were debating what various weapons were capable of. "I understand that Shinji himself would never request that you allow your appearance to only conform to his desires, and agree that his tastes should be secondary to your own."

"It's a little more maintenance, and will only become more so as it grows," Hikari finished setting barrettes in place, sliding down to the side to look at her handiwork from another angle. "But I'm going to disagree with you. If Shinji prefers it long? I'm growing it long. Never take a man's attention for granted, Rei. Even one like Shinji." Nodding as she approved of Rei's new look, she smiled, "As for authority? I've often wondered how much of that is up to the individual. Some would likely prefer hair like Maya's. Boyish cut, 'business' in all manners. Me? If someone isn't going to take me seriously because I have long hair, I'm going to have an easier time running them over."

"It is tactically unwise to dismiss an opponent as 'safe' until they are pacified or deceased," Rei tilted her head. "You are dangerous, without question, but many will view your youth as a detriment. A decision they will likely regret."

"Especially with a support group like we've been building." Turning back around, Hikari placed her arm around Rei's back and held her close while she watched the action below, "I have a great many people that I can turn to for help, like you, or Nanako-san. Once all of this is over, and I can get some college courses under my belt, I'm going to do what I can to leverage that into helping everyone. I don't want the name 'Ikari' to be remembered only for this war. I want it to be revered. I want it to go down in history as a name admired by _everyone_."

"You do not intend to retain your own name?" Rei had little doubt that Shinji alone would garner positive regard, "It is rather common according to modern society to either retain your own family history, or conjoin them with a hyphen."

"I'm more classical than that," she shrugged. "And, to be honest…I want to tie him to me as firmly as possible. He's mine, Rei, and I want him to remember that every time someone calls me by name."

"I do not believe he will ever forget your part in his life." The bluenette lightly patted Hikari's knee, "You are his Light. His reason for living. Those of us who are 'on the outside', as Colonel Katsuragi puts it, are those that need to be cautious. Without reminders, he may drift apart from us. You, and Major Ibuki, I hold no doubts as to your place in his hierarchy of needs."

+++++ 10th Angel + 3: Wednesday (69)

 _It's still limited to the propellent,_ Dark scrubbed a hand over her cheek. _An underdeveloped planet like this is just plain limited, Shinji. You can place a heavier, denser, projectile in the weapon…but so long as it is relying on the expansion of gas to propel it? You're not going to punch a hole in your Field. You need something travelling at least twice, if not three times that speed to begin to dent the barrier with a single shot. Otherwise, it's sustained energy against target, like you saw in the video. I mean, sure. They could carry around those weapon systems you've designed to shoot down aircraft, but that's going to create a sizeable contingent of secondary casualties. Overwhelming him is your best bet, for now._

 _Wearing us down,_ Shinji nodded. _Maya?_

 _Pup, the portability of Captain Yamadera's team is limited. The Air Cavalry that supported, as well as the jets from the Fleet?_ Maya sighed, _That's a limited resource. This kill was insanely expensive, in terms of fuel, ammunition, and repairs. Do you have anything to offer us in terms of technology, Captain?_

Shinji was glad that Maya had accepted his 'deal' with as little concern as she had. The eagerness their ally had approached helping with did a great deal to dampen worries, but he could tell that it had not quashed them.

Dark grimaced, _Do I? Yes._ Can _I? Not without a seriously compelling reason. Setting aside the explanations you'd have to manage in order to explain why you suddenly had literal alien technology on your planet, I'd be running hard against the UP3. We don't interfere with developing worlds, Major. My presence here is because an aggressive species that isn't even remotely interested in adhering to the UP3 has shown up on your doorstep and is kicking over your house. Shinji himself is a much higher Civilization all of his own, and if it were_ just _him I could swing it with a little fast talking. But handing what I have to you…let's just say that the 'Angels' as you call them would be the least of your concerns._

 _What if humanity wasn't here?_ Shinji became curious, _What if it was really just me?_

 _I'd land, erase the bitch, throw you in a guest bunk, and head home._ Dark smirked up at him, _She'd probably reset the timeline, and we'd all end up doing this dance from the start. Maybe with, maybe without, the memories of this timeline. She's not wrong in that she's winning. Right now, she's not going to threaten that victory, but if I come in guns blazing? All bets are off. You're still the best chance we have to stop her, and enough of my superiors believe the reports that I can stand down here with you and chat._

 _So…two or three times the speed, with the same mass._ Maya could be seen to walk apart from the group over by the firing platform to type on the MAGI terminals, _We'd come up with a guess in that ballpark. The MAGI are saying three point four times, when you break the formula down. At this point, we're talking railguns. Unfortunately, those are usually attached to destroyers, or trains. Miniaturizing them is still a dream, and most R and D is being funneled into something Eva-portable at best._

 _Expensive, wasteful, and a pain to aim properly,_ Dark held her hands apart slightly, simulating the size of the device she was referencing. _Most optics aren't going to give you a lot of help, and 'eyeballing' something is dangerous when you're throwing objects around that can punch through the side of a hull quite easily. Getting a humanoid to stand still long enough to hit, I wouldn't want to try it._

 _What about…._ Shinji frowned, looking off towards the main complex, _What on Earth is that noise?_

 _I don't hear anything,_ Maya called back. "Let's take a short break, Pup," her voice carried over the handheld radios they'd agreed to use to spare his voice from straining. "I can feel you getting antsy from here, go for a walk. Come back in thirty, we'll hopefully have something to try after that." _If it's something, call._

 _You know, I like her,_ Dark floated up to his shoulder, alighting with decorous grace. _Quick thinking, adaptive, and with a good grasp of her personnel's limitations. You chose well in mating with her, and bringing her into your confidence. Let's go see what this noise is._

The keening wail continued, grinding against the back of his skull, _Let's._ As he waved to Hikari and Rei, he saw the pair already in motion towards him. The minor worry that he was moving towards something potentially dangerous was outweighed by the fact that there could be no safer place than where he could protect them himself, if this became another attack. Paola and Claudia shadowed the ladies, two of the new Shirakami escorts hurrying to guard the direction Shinji himself had moved towards. "I thought I'd stretch my legs a bit," holding out his elbow to Hikari, he warmed at her pleased smile.

"It's a terrible burden I have," Hikari sighed dramatically as she took her preferred place at his side. "Being forced to play the role of Physical Therapist to my invalid husband." Squeezing his wrist, her eyes showed that she knew he was only speaking half of the truth, "Let's take a walk."

Rei floated along at Hikari's side, still avoiding direct contact with the Third Child, "I will be heading to the library. With my textbooks at the apartment, I will need access to the school's main site to perform the assigned classwork."

"You're welcome to come along, Rei," Shinji silently hoped Hikari would back him up.

The love of his life didn't disappoint him, "If you'd like, I can help you study later." The warmth in her voice, and the way she couched the offer in a way that encouraged her to stay, kept things from being overly pressure-filled while remaining earnest.

"Thank you, but I shall pass for now," the bluenette bowed slightly. "Please, enjoy your time together."

Shinji felt his heart grow heavy as Rei walked off, _She didn't fail me. I hate that I feel like I'm failing her._

 _Give her time, big guy._ Dark soothed his hair, _You don't know all of that one's secrets, and it's not my place to tell them. She's got things going on that you can't help with, other than being there when she's ready for you to be there. Your other mate is performing quite capably as your proxy, and has had a phenomenal impact on her. Let her keep the pressure up, you focus on keeping everyone alive long enough for the situation to become reparable. I'm going to go check on her myself, though. Just to touch base._

"I think she's getting there," Hikari stated in low tones as Rei reached far enough away that she wouldn't overhear, not seeing Dark begin to walk alongside her protégé. "It's not easy to stand by when someone you care about is lying there bleeding out, I know that far too well." Looking back up to him, she smiled sadly, "We'll get her there, Shinji. We're not going to leave anyone behind, this time."

Daring, in public, to reward her in the only way he felt fitting, Shinji ducked down and kissed the Class Rep tenderly, "I don't deserve you."

"Maybe not," she winked playfully, "but you're stuck with me anyway." Scrunching her nose cutely, she pointed down the twin hallways, "Where are we going, and what are we going there for?"

Closing his eyes as he stood upright, he tried to gain a feel for where the cry was coming from, "That way." He pointed in the opposite direction Rei had left, "For now." Starting them off, he kept his pace slow to avoid forcing Hikari to jog to keep up, "Thank you for doing what you can, Hikari. All joking aside, I could never do with an hour and a half what you manage with ten minutes, a hairbrush, and a little 'girl-time'."

"We all play to our strengths, my love," her heart filled with pride at his praise. With everyone around him struggling so hard to deal with life and death matters, that he was more worried about Rei and grateful to his soon-to-be wife was the reminder she needed that she was valued. Sensing that he was focused, and in need of soothing, she tried to keep the topics lighter, "I was thinking that I might see if I can talk Maya into wearing a dress more often. Her spare uniform being one of the lengthier dresses, I might have a chance to convince her to try one of my old sundresses."

Surprising her, Shinji asked a serious question while keeping his head shifting about trying to listen for something, "Speaking of dresses, have you two put any thought towards a date for our wedding? I'm sorry, but I don't know which months are more popular, or if there's anything symbolic or sentimental about one date over the other. I read something in a magazine while I sat in the recovery ward about October being good, but that might be too soon for you. It'd probably be difficult to manage getting married this month, since there's cakes and food and music…." Glancing down at her as he turned down a hall seemingly at random, he grinned apologetically, "I'm sorry. I'll help however I can, but I'm kind of useless there."

"Are you…wanting to get married sooner?" The idea thrilled her, tossing all of the extra nonsense overboard and maybe doing something extravagant later once everything had calmed down. It was her life, damn it, and if she wanted to have everything official right now then there was nobody that would tell her otherwise.

He laughed from his heart, a warm rich sound that she'd rarely heard and treasured each time he shared it, "Hikari, I would have married you the moment you kissed me in the elevator back at the apartments. It would have made the situation with Maya extra awkward, though…still, I wouldn't have looked back." Backtracking to a corridor they'd passed which would lead to the Engineering enclave, he shrugged his great shoulders, "What I don't want is to rush either of you. When you are both ready, and in your own time…I'll be patient."

"Would…tomorrow work?" She pushed him to a stop, "No ceremony, just paperwork, maybe do something later on after the war for the pomp and circumstances of it all." She searched his face for hesitation, and found only concern, "Well?"

"I don't want to cheat you out of your special day, Hikari," one large thumb caressed her cheek softly. "I'm eager to belong to you and Maya completely, but not so eager that I'd steal your once-in-a-lifetime day."

"The day itself can go hang," Hikari declared firmly. "Shinji, I've wanted to call you my husband for two months! It may as well have been two lifetimes for all it felt like, and I'm tired of waiting if you haven't noticed. If you aren't opposed to it, I'm going to go talk to Maya right now and see if she feels the same. If she does, and I present you with the forms and an official to file them with, will you sign?"

Shinji nodded, her exuberance giving him life, "In blood, if it requires it."

"That's later, when others aren't around." Popping up onto her toes, she pulled him down into a kiss, "Go find whatever it is you're looking for, I'm going to go see if I can't promise Maya something to get her to go along." Hurrying off, she moved with a poise that was only slightly marred by haste.

Shinji watched the silent consultation between the Shirakami and Italians, not surprised when Paola was the only one who remained behind with him, "I'm fine, Paola. You're supposed to always operate with four people. You should go with them."

The swarthy agent tilted her head to the side, "Do you come with eyes under that hair?" Lifting one hand she gestured to his shoulders, "Perhaps rearview mirrors that I do not see? Someone needs to watch your back, Tesoro. If for nothing else than to warn you to dangers that would attack you from that direction." Poking him in the stomach, she raised an eyebrow, "If you are to be married tomorrow, it would be best that you show up in one piece, yes?"

"As you say," he bowed, chastened. "I apologize for attempting to tell you how to do your own job, Aunty."

"There's a good boy," her grin was victorious. "Now, let's finish hunting."

Walking much faster, now that he had the powerfully athletic agent as his only concern, Shinji moved towards the Engineering bays and the increasingly audible cries. Striding through the enormous doors, he looked around for someone he'd recognize. _Easier to work with people I know._ Noticing the Chief Engineer that was now half a head shorter than him, Shinji raised a hand to wave, "Chief-san, Chief-san?"

 _Careful, Shinji, there's something odd here._ Dark landed near him, looking around with a visible sense of apprehension, _Your signature's being muddied some, and I can't quite figure out the source._

"Lord Ikari?" The big man smiled, "What can we do for you, My Lord?" Approaching with two of his subordinates, he showed no signs that anything bothered him, "I would have figured you were still deflecting bullets with your mind. Have they run out of things to shoot at you?"

"No, no," Shinji shook his head slightly. "I'm looking for something…off." He frowned, "Do you not hear anything, Chief-san? Nothing out of the ordinary?"

"Hmm?" Tilting his head, the man looked down and tried to hear what was being spoken of, "No…the normal ringing of my right ear from the tinnitus, the machinery hum…background hum from the energy grid…I'm sorry, My Lord, I don't hear anything."

One of the younger women closed her eyes, placing her balled fists under her chin and swaying slowly, "I hear music, but…well…."

Shinji turned to the junior engineer, "Please, go on."

She blushed, "I…uhm…."

"She always hears music around you, My Lord," the second junior tech giggled. "We think she's crazy, but she swears up and down that she does."

"That's not this!" Thrusting her fists down by her hips, she tilted aggressively towards her friend, "I meant _other_ music. And I do hear it around him, so leave off!"

"Steady," Shinji placed one great hand on her shoulder. "I believe you. It's a product of the changes I've gone through, and I'm kind of impressed you can hear it." _Dark? I don't feel an Angel's presence, the next one wasn't until the…uhm, nude test. The MAGI were infected. Could one be hiding around here?_ "Is it louder…that way," he pointed to where he felt the crying was coming from, receiving a nod from the only other person to hear something odd.

The chief looked where Shinji was indicating, "The purification bins?"

"Can we look?" He urged the young engineer onward, "It's rather distracting."

"Just this way, My Lord," the woman beamed, happy that someone believed her. "I hear your song change, it's never really the same twice. It's always beautiful, sometimes sad and beautiful, sometimes angry and beautiful, but always beautiful."

"I don't fully understand it myself, but I'm very glad that you think it's not irritating," he used humor to cover for his embarrassment. "I can only imagine what it would be like to have to hear my Song and have it be like the one from the convenience stores." As the group reached the bins, he shifted closer and turned his ear to listen, "Not this one." Failing to notice the Chief waving a pallet-jack over, Shinji hoisted it off the stack and set it aside, "Excuse me. I don't want to set this on your foot."

"Here, here," the two ladies motioned as one for him to set it in a lined-off area.

"Of course," moving it easily, he settled it where they indicated. Turning back, he repeated the process eight more times, stacking the containers easily to the amusement of the two women making marks on a clipboard. _Dark? This just feels weird now. The sounds getting louder, like it's_ here _but not here. Do you have anything you can make out?_

 _Maybe below?_ Disappearing through the floor easily, she left his sight for a time.

"I'm sorry, Chief-san. There is something making this noise, and it's getting louder. I'll help put everything back once I'm done, I promise." Shinji bowed apologetically, "It's-"

Dark blasted back up out of the ground, placing herself before Shinji and pointing to the entrance, _Clear the damn room! Get them out now, go, go, go!_

+++++ 11th Angel + 0: Wednesday (69)

"Evacuate the area," Shinji grabbed the two young engineers and bolted towards the door with one under each arm, and Paola and the Chief bellowing for people to hurry after him with little hesitation. Setting the two just outside the doors, he turned and raced back in, twisting past his guard's grab, "I'm going to contain this, Paola. Get everyone clear!" _Dark?_

 _It's that sick tank of clones,_ she pointed to their feet. _It's just below us, and they're all dead except one!_ Her face conveyed her disgust, _It's an Angel, Shinji. It's inverted the signal they emit, bonded with the only living clone in there. It didn't go for the MAGI this time, it went for her, and she's chasing-_

The ground exploded upwards under their feet, sending Shinji and Dark both jumping back for safety. A naked Rei Ayanami climbed quickly through the hole, her face and upper torso drenched in LCL, gore, and viscera, "We have found you, usurper!" An inhuman roar of triumph became a visible force shredding the air between them as she charged.

His mind immediately triaged the needs he had as he landed and regained his footing. The people behind him had to be protected, and her charge would set her on a course towards them. He had no weapons, and that meant direct combat. The foe wore the face of someone he cared about, and it was only a cancerous growth on the left side of her face that distinguished them. Setting aside the last as something to be vomited over later, he dismissed the second as a lament and not a true need, focusing on the first.

 _Call your guardian!_ Dark flew over his head, somehow overturning a rack of heavy materials, sending it against the doors and barricading the civilians, and Paola, off from the struggle. _This is an imperfect fusion, Shinji. She's going to be absurdly strong._

Sidestepping a punch, he got his guard up in time to block a follow-on knee strike. The blow caused his arm to go numb for a second, though he held his ground enough to slam his fist into her chest, _I can't involve Paola in this, she'd get killed!_ His blow staggered the enemy, though not for long.

Grimacing as she watched his fight not get off to the greatest of starts, Dark groaned, _The Spear, Shinji. She swore a damn oath to you, hold her to it!_

His attention being split did nothing positive for his fighting prowess, _I don't have a spear, what are you going on about?_ Shifting from blocking blows to parrying them, he grimaced as a punch became a raking strike, his enemy's nails gashing his cheek, _Sahaquiel, I could use a hand._ Shoving his hand against the being's face, he grabbed, turned, and threw her as hard as he could away from the door, taking more lacerations to his arm as the cost of the time he'd purchased, _She hits hard._

Smashing into the racks at the far side of the room, the Angel howled with rage, "We will tear their souls from your bones, you filth! We will flay your eyes!"

 _I-I-I…I'm scared,_ the Aspect of the Sky's song was filled with fright. _It's Terror, Great One…it's…._

 _Focus!_ Dark landed at his side, stopping him from charging while the clone worked free from the wreckage it's landing had caused. _Think on that swordswoman you favor, concentrate on her Song, and call her name._ Looking back past him, she gestured, _Before they finish climbing through the rubble I knocked over and get killed trying to help you._

 _What?_ Shinji blinked, shaking his head, _That doesn't make any sense._

Her gaze could have frozen lava in its tracks, _Right, because a naked clone climbing through concrete and attacking you is a bastion of sanity. Do. What. I. Say._

Recalling Suzuka's Song was easy, their long practices together had ingrained it in his memory. There was anger now, tied into the entire sound. A sense of betrayal, despite his conscious mind forgiving her. She had been someone he trusted, someone who inspired him to be better. To be honorable, and to comport himself as someone should to properly inspire others. Setting himself in a defensive crouch, he readied himself to meet the charge of the clone, _Suzuka!_

The crack of thunder that accompanied his cry dropped a lightning bolt directly between him and his foe. While the charged electric assault flowed around him harmlessly, the force of it wobbled the latest and most unexpected Angel. As the plume reversed itself, standing where it had struck was a slightly confused immortal, holding a store-bought plastic cup of iced coffee and a folded sun parasol. "Shinji?" Her instincts kicked in automatically, and both umbrella and drink were tossed aside as she drew her sword and took up a protective posture, _Later. Do you know how to use that?_

"Another?" Ireul snarled, shaking itself like a great hound as it roared once more, "We will kill you both!"

Now in his hand, the Pilot of Unit-01 held a medium-sized spear. A long haft of deepest black with a pair of feathers attached to the base of a blade as long as one and a half of the hand it resided in. _No?_ Hefting it, and relying on the memories that Suzuka had of using farmer's tools in her youth to ward off would-be assailants, he took his place at her side, _I'll figure it out. This is an Angel, Suzuka, we need to be cautious._

What had begun as a one-on-one fight between Shinji's inexperienced might and loose control over his Children, and a crazed Ireul-Rei hybrid, was now a two-on-one fight with Shinji drawing from Suzuka's strength, Suzuka calling on hundreds of years of training, and a crazed Ireul-Rei hybrid. The latter part remained unchanged, unchanging, and that threw the balance of the fight towards numbers.

Splitting up, the two warriors forced the Angel to make a choice. When Ireul focused on Shinji, it received punishing blows to its back and head from Suzuka. As they responded, turning to retaliate against the Child of Lilith that would dare strike them, Shinji stepped in and lanced her repeatedly with vicious thrusts. Back and forth they worked, Shinji's A.T. Field carving into the chaos of the Angel's weakly projected version.

 _We need to learn to fight as one,_ Suzuka's mind was calm. _We are doing well, but you are relying on my tactics. You must learn to take charge for those times that our foe catches onto my stratagems._ Sweeping her leg out low, she forced the Angel to back up, allowing her to pivot over to Shinji's side, _Charge, then go small. I will come over top._

Engaging without hesitation, Shinji performed as requested. Dashing in, he lunged down at the Angel's base, feeling Suzuka jump off his back to leap over their opponent. On her descent, she slammed her foot into the back of Ireul's head, the action driving Shinji's spear up through its stomach towards the clone's heart. Rearing back as she landed, the willowy swordswoman smashed her sword over and over again where her foot had struck.

Shinji saw the first blow cause the wooden blade to glow, his spear matching the display. The second caused them to flash. The third, and every subsequent blow, seemed to summon Ramiel himself. Tree trunk-sized spirals of lightning shattered the air around the Angel's head, joining blade and spear; burning, disfiguring, and eventually terminating the abomination. With one final, precautionary strike, Suzuka panted and watched warily as Shinji stood and flung the carcass aside.

"Caution," she kept her guard up, "it may not be dead."

 _It's dead,_ he tottered. _It's…._ Turning away, he deposited what remained in his stomach on the nearby floor.

 _There, there,_ Dark ran her hand along his back. _That's right, get it all out._

 _I…I need,_ bile began to make an appearance, anything solid having already exited. _Oh…spirits why did it have to look like that?_ Leaned on his spear, the butt end firmly planted against the concrete, he felt a flop sweat break out over his body, _Suzuka…I'm sorry._ Forcing himself upright, he looked over to her, _I didn't know that you were going to be pulled from wherever you were to help me. Everything just got more complicated for you._

 _No. It became much simpler._ Holding her sword in a manner that prevented the blood from staining her clothes, she walked over and interposed herself where Dark had been, _I am your Spear, Shinji, of the clan Ikari. Where you go, I will protect you. I did not speak these words expecting 'easy'. I did not swear my oath anticipating a life of leisure. We are now inseparable, and have slain a foe far greater than any I've fought in my life. The Shirakami can go hang, my place is by your side. Now, and forevermore. I need not explain it to anyone, all have now seen your claim upon me._

The last of the debris was cleared enough for Paola to slink through, several more guards flowing into the gap behind her carrying heavy weaponry, "It is good to see you, Leonessa." Jogging over, she avoided the worst of the nastiness on the ground, "Perhaps I can convince you to help me drag him to medical?"

Misato and Ritsuko were the next to arrive, the doctor quick to piece together what had happened, "Ok, everyone. Nobody who's seen anything goes anywhere without speaking to me. Everything you've just seen is classified so far beyond your level that it's likely we'll order you to forget Wednesday is a day of the week. Chief, I want a roster of everyone present when this started. Agents, get that body covered over and don't touch anything on it."

The purple-haired Colonel approached Shinji with a mixture of sorrow and anxiety, "Shinji, talk to me." Pushing him so that he faced away from what appeared to be Rei, she exuded concern, "They said you got everyone out before the…whatever that is attacked. That you rushed back in to hold it off." Her jaw clenched, but her eyes remained gentle, "That was very brave."

"And stupid," Suzuka added, picking up a nearby length of cloth and beginning the process of cleaning her sword. "But those two usually go hand in hand."

"We'll talk about you later," Misato glared at the swordswoman briefly. Looking back to Shinji, she tried to read his emotions, "Please, talk."

"Ireul," he swallowed, making a face at the terrible taste in his mouth. "It's name is Ireul. It…infected something below, in the tank where the clones of Rei…." He shook his head, "Where the things that look like Rei were held in stasis. It…murdered…." Pushing Misato aside, he dry-heaved several more times before more of his stomach exited his mouth. _It's inside of me._

 _I/We. Apologize._ Shamshel's voice echoed mournfully in his mind, _I/We. Spoke/Begged. Her. Stop/Cease._

"I need…to lay down," Shinji sucked in air trying to steady his mind. "Suzuka and I…will go to the labs. Tell Maya and Hikari…." Swallowing he shook his head, "Just tell them where I am."

"Doctor Akagi," Misato shouted over the demi-blonde's full-throated lecture, "I'm taking the Lead Pilot to Senior Chief Temple. You can debrief him later."

"Understood, ma'am," the woman called back. "Shinji," she waited until he looked over and nodded, "she's safe. I called her, this wasn't her, ok?" He could see her smile slightly as he nodded, "Listen to your doctors. And the rest of you," she returned to her lecture, the former Third in Command slipping easily back into her position to contain the damage done to NERV's secrecy regarding Rei's true origins.

 _Go see to her, Dark._ Shinji allowed Misato and Paola to support him, though it was akin to a pair of Pomeranians trying to guide a Newfoundland, _Rei is going to need us now more than ever. I'll be fine, I'm going to visit…them._ "Suzuka is here because I called her here, Misato." He decided to begin distracting himself, and knew that there was no way to avoid this conversation, "Something happened…and everything's become very strained."

+++++ 11th Angel + 0: Wednesday (69)

"The ability to summon a beautiful guardian is not without its perks," Philip chuckled. "One might even argue that it suits both his needs and our desires rather nicely. Should this come to a fight between Perfume and Shinji, he will not stand alone against that murderer."

"This is outside of their schedule," Gendo ignored the distraction the General had focused on. "Either Miss Ibuki's purges caught them in the middle of their plans, forcing them to improvise, or they've abandoned the scenario completely." Scowling at the written reports he'd been given, as the cameras and other recording devices surrounding the Reiliquary had been damaged by the Angel's proximity leaving the actual happenings lost to time, the former Commander of NERV struggled to piece together what it all meant for the next several attacks.

"It fits enough of the descriptions in the Scrolls that things could still play out similarly," Kozo offered with a frown, similar concerns weighing on his own thoughts. "The Angel of Terror shall sow distrust and fear. The broken vessel will save them." He rocked his hand back and forth, "Shinji could easily be described as a broken vessel, it isn't what they, or we, projected but that's how prophecies work."

"This attack was supposed to occur several days from now, old man," Gendo snarled. "If they're abandoning the scenario we need to start looking to closing off the skies completely. The JSSDF still has unrestricted access to N-Two mines, and my son will not stand by and do nothing while they flatten a city to compel him to act as they wish." Tossing the paper he clutched in his hand down with the rest, he gestured to the screen, "I do not disagree, the risks we take are worth the repayment in the end. But he is not us, and he can not harden his heart. If they launch, he'll cave."

"Then it's best that we speak to the peerage, use their influence to pressure the Diet to order the JSSDF under the control of someone favorable to us," Philip shrugged. "As it turns out, our string of luck continues. Your son will bring home two daughters-in-law tomorrow. The Princess has requested permission to attend, to promote him, to honor their request, and to offer something."

"Is 'something' all we know?" Kozo hadn't heard the specifics, only that the Chief of his Science Division had been heard to shout about small fruits for some reason after cheering happily. "We all know 'something' could be 'anything' and isn't usually good."

"She's playing her cards close," the old general smiled ruefully. "Miss Horaki approached Lieutenant Chambers about arranging matters with the Peerage, and everything I know is being reported from our…connections aboard the Fleet. She continues to only report matters which they might aid in, and hasn't as of yet broken confidence. The Admiral himself is asking permission to bring his cadre for the ceremony tomorrow, I approved on your behalf."

"Acceptable," Kozo nodded. "I've been expecting Hikari-chan to pressure Shinji-kun into simply signing papers and declaring themselves wed, and if the Admirals and their staff can appear on short notice to give more blessings on the union I'll find suitable quarters for them all myself." Looking over to his one-time student, the old professor raised an eyebrow, "You're fairly quiet all of a sudden. That's rarely a good sign."

"Stuff it, Fuyutsuki," Gendo kept his eyes locked on his desk, leaning on his fists as he glared death at the papers before him. "I may not have been the best father in the world. I may not have done everything I could have. But I will not be mocked for lamenting that my child will not have a wedding day worthy of his importance to mankind." Working his jaw, he shook his head slowly, "I believe my wedding gift to him should be something suitable. It's time to ask about the weather in New York City."

+++++ 11th Angel + 0: Wednesday (69)

Arriving with a toll of thunder that shattered the quietude in his soul, Shinji stood with Suzuka by his side as Not-Shinji flowed into existence. Towering over the smaller version of himself, the Third Child glared radioactive death, "Where?"

"She did not know what she was doing, my friend," Not-Shinji tried to calm the hulking mountain of rage. "You know this."

"She murdered innocents!" Accentuating his statement with another bolt of lightning, Shinji clenched his fist, "She terrified my Children!"

"Only Sahaquiel," the younger version held onto his confidence. "She is the youngest of us, and easily frightened. Again, you know this. Please, give me time to explain to Ireul what she's done. She'll express her regrets, in her own time."

"We will do no such thing," a color-negative depiction of Rei strode forward, coalescing from a fog. "They were nothing more than shells, _Great One_. Abominations without point or purpose." The left half of her umbral face was featureless, precisely where the tumorous growths had appeared on the lone surviving clone, "We granted them release, a release you denied them."

"Ireul, please," Not-Shinji moved to intercede, "tempers are high right now. This isn't the best-"

"Terror," Shinji spat the word out like a curse. "That's what you are. And now, you're a part of me. Like the waters of life, the rains of renewal, even the fish which once provided uncountable amounts of food to the masses. Tell me, _Daughter_ , other than a memory I'll regret for the rest of a very long life…what do you provide?"

"My friend," his host pleaded, "please, not now."

"We remind people that there is always a larger predator," shoving Not-Shinji aside, Ireul stood eye-to-eye with Shinji. "We impose respect, order, and discipline. You wish to speak to Us about murder? What of Us? Hmm?" Her eye narrowed, "Nine beings filled with a greater majesty of purpose than you could ever dream of, and you snuffed out Our lives because you were afraid."

"He killed you because you would not speak to him," Suzuka retorted calmly. "Each spirit that now dwells within him, save that one," she pointed to Not-Shinji, "was the aggressor. His kith and kin were at risk, and so he defended them. A risk, as you know, they would not have been under had you used the words you appear more than capable of to speak, rather than threaten."

"Silence, worm," Ireul kept her eye locked on Shinji. "We listen to the Great One out of courtesy as Our host. You are not worthy of Our-"

Shinji's hand moved of its own volition, the backhanded slap with his knuckles silencing her as they turned Ireul's head so that the featureless surface was facing him fully, "You are _not_ in charge. On my way to my bed, I caught at least three dozen people nearly bowing in half. Over six dozen total pausing to…to _worship_ my passing like some kind of…of…."

"Divinity?" Ireul turned slowly to face him with a leering grin, her demeanor becoming thick with insincerity, "Oh no. You're being treated like you should be. Please, Daddy," her smirk became lewd, "spank Us again."

Already regretting the act of striking her, of letting her actions dictate his, he clasped his hands behind his back in a manner similar to what he'd seen Kozo and Philip do, "You will stop broadcasting your song." The drumbeat of thunder boiled the skies above, "You will not frighten your siblings. You will listen to him," he pointed to Not-Shinji. "Or you will not like what I do."

"See?" A fey vulpine grin grew on her lips, "You're already understanding Us. Tell Us, just so We know what We are pleasuring Ourselves to later in Our chambers, what will you do?"

Leaning in, Shinji whispered so that only the woman before him could hear. As he went on, her smile fell, her jaw slackened, and she began to tremble. When she moved to leave, he simply reached up and gently touched her cheek, the contact seemingly inconsequential though it held her as tightly as a clenched grip around her throat. For two minutes and thirty one seconds, he spoke. When the last word left his lips, he leaned back, patting her lightly without any emotions on his face, "Remember…I can't lie here. I mean _every_ word…I swear it." Letting his hand fall, he looked to the side, _Sahaquiel._

The name rang out, the call undeniable. Timidly, and quaking with fears that rivaled those when she held him in state, the Aspect of the Sky approached the man she adored, "G-G-G-G-"

"Please," Shinji's entire being settled, his smile lighting up his features as he approached with his hands held loosely out for a hug, "please, Little One. It's ok." Floating up, he embraced the giant childlike Ancient, cooing softly, "I'm sorry that I came in here so angered. I should have remembered that you were here, and I should have helped you remember that I'm not angry with you. You did your best, I know you did. Come, over here. Nothing bad will happen." As they approached Ireul, he helped the titan shrink down to a size similar to his own, "You see? Your Sister has something she'd like to say, don't you?" His head slowly turned to face his latest Child, his smile never wavering, though it's meaning seemed to darken.

"W-We…apologize for Our unseemly behavior while in the Great One's Realm." The regal Aspect of Terror inclined her head slightly, her eye averted down and to the right, "It was not Our intent to disturb your play, dear sister. We shall strive to not repeat Our actions. P-Please…forgive Us."

"Remember, Sahaquiel," Shinji let his memory of Nozomi's earnest pleas drive him, "no matter what, Family forgives Family. We're all we have, when everything goes dark. It's extremely important that we try to get along, because nobody is going to be willing to fight for someone that doesn't fight for them, right?"

"I-I-I…I f-forgive y-you, I-Ireul." The youngest of the Aspects had her hand clenched tightly around Shinji's, "Th-Thank you f-for ap-pologizing."

"There we go," Shinji nodded. "You go ahead and play, ok? I saw your sky earlier, and you've added Hikari's colors to the mix. It was very beautiful."

"BYE!" Vanishing without delay, Sahaquiel was eager to be away from the terrifying new addition to the 'Family'.

"You should go back to the grounds you were claiming as your own, as well," he spoke with his back to his newest Child. "He will be there in a few moments to speak with you. I expect you will be keenly interested in hearing him out. I'd hate to have to come back here…and jog your memory."

"That will not be needed," Ireul announced quietly. "We believe We understand Your intent…My Lord."

As she vanished, Not-Shinji looked down, shaking his head, "I would not be truthful if I did not admit to dreading this moment." With a heavy sigh, he faced his twisted reflection, "I wished so badly for everything to remain as it was. Calm, peaceful, unified. Your spirit is so strong, my friend. Strong without the need for anger, for…."

"Terror?" Shinji snorted, "That's why I asked her not to broadcast her song. I need you to help her focus it, so that I can call upon her…let her know she's loved. I won't be this angry forever, and I don't want to burn this bridge before we've even built it. Just…." He looked to Suzuka, then back, "Just do your best. If she's here, it's because she has a part to play in everything before this is all over. If I learned anything during the years I spent in Sahaquiel's Realm, it's that these things happen for a reason."

Suzuka choked, "Wait, years?"

"We do not speak idly when either of us mentions the passage of time being odd here," Not-Shinji answered quietly. "While I am a part of the story, it is not my tale to tell, and he is not ready to share it." Looking to Shinji, he shook his head sadly, "I am pleased that you regained control over your temper. While she earned a rebuke for being derogatory to your…to Miss Suzuka, I appreciate that you regret the manner in which you demonstrated your displeasure."

"It seems to be a day for those," Shinji sighed.

"The display of displeasure, or the regret?" Suzuka was inwardly thrilled that Shinji had stood up for her so quickly, and found no fault in him for the manner in which he did so. In her opinion, the mouthy chit was lucky that it was he and not she that had rendered judgement.

"…Yes," he looked back to the woman he'd become helplessly tethered to for all time. "I am not happy at all with what they'd done with Rei. As Dark and I jumped back from the hole she'd created…I saw them. There was no escape for them, no way they could flee from Ireul as she…." He swallowed heavily, clenching his eyes shut, "I'm going to see that for the rest of my life. And now? Now I have to go back and hug Rei tighter than I've ever hugged anyone. I'm going to force them to see what they've done. What was done to them…that could have been her, Suzuka. That could have been…."

Slender arms encircled him, the scent of wisteria flowing through his mind. "I would tell you that such is uncommon, were I inclined to lie to you. I would say that humanity itself is innocent of such horrors, to shield your perceptions of justice and innocence from the harsh glare of reality. All I can offer is the knowledge that you do not suffer alone. I may not know the young lady as you do, but I still grieve for the theft of her youth. For the way they treated her as no better than livestock." Stepping back, she lifted his chin so that she could meet his eyes, "We will fight for a world where such crimes are uncommon, where they are punished viciously when they occur. We cannot create a perfect planet," her hand moved to his heart, "but by our ancestors we can try our damnedest to."

 _I/We. Fight/Struggle. Together/As one._ Shamshel's voice was timid, _Do not/Avoid. Despair/Anguish._

Shifting the embrace Suzuka held him in, he kept his arm around her shoulders as he turned to the penitent Aspect of the Dawn. Its flowing tendrils were coiled tightly to its form, the majesty it typically shone with dimmed to a pale glow, "Thank you for trying, Child." The memory of the former Angel trying to communicate was indeed a source of some solace, "I wish that she had listened to you…but you tried your best. We can't control others…we can only control what we choose to do, and you did what you could. I'm not angry with you, or your siblings, for not succeeding."

A single coil unwound, the glowing tentacle lightly laying across Shinji and Suzuka's chest, _You_. _Tried/Strove. Hard/Utmost. Also._

"Together we will fight harder," the willowy swordswoman smiled encouragingly, recognizing the signs of a being seeking approbation. "I am glad that I will not have to fight alone to protect him, Spirit. He is a handful at the best of times."

"I'm probably two handfuls," Shinji chuckled, choking off as he realized the potential alternate meaning to the statement.

"That would depend on the size of the hands," Suzuka looked up at him with an arched eyebrow. "We should return, My Lord. You have a wedding to prepare for, and reassurances to provide."

+++++ Author's Notes

origamishishou:

RE: Sahaquiel and Manako.

Winner. Manako was the visualization I had in mind when I altered the Angel of the Sky to exist within Shinji's world. She needed hands to hold him, and a certain amount of charming innocence for her characterization to work, but that single great eye was too great a part of the design to ignore. Making her cyclopean, which kept her size, and setting her up as timid but exceptionally powerful brought to mind the marksman in question.


	82. Chapter 82

+++++ 11th Angel + 0: Wednesday (69)

It was another several hours of laying still, various medical devices beeping while attached to him, before he was allowed out of bed to be about his desires. Excessively long hours of speaking on everything and anything but what he wanted to, with the only interesting point being Suzuka politely reminding everyone present that should she wish to be medically inspected it would be by her own people. Maya and Hikari had been asked to wait out the hour somewhere else to allow for a more official debriefing, or at least the illusion of one, the swordswoman's presence tolerated after Shinji reminded everyone that he'd summoned her for the fight, bringing her across the prefecture in so doing.

Misato came and went, carrying notes, messages, and anxiety in both directions. She was pleased that she was getting what she'd asked for: an honest medical examination. She was displeased that Temple flatly refused to expose him to 'needless radiation' by putting him through some of the more expensive machines when there was nothing diagnostically relevant to be gained. She was very happy that Hikari and Maya had passed on word that the three would be married at a short ceremony the next day. She was upset that the ceremony would be short and simple. The waveform of her mood travelled inversely to her coming and going, always happy to arrive, always irritated when she left.

Ritsuko herself was allowed to make an appearance with Shinji's blessing, the demi-blonde asking a few simple questions that related to what he'd been exposed to, and what Suzuka had been exposed to, how much he understood of the mechanism by which he teleported a living human, what it felt for her to be teleported so. She handed the former Ronin a paper with a leading motion of understanding, "This is simply you acknowledging that what you saw as classified. Attempting to stop you from doing what you will is ultimately futile, but we thrive on paperwork here. Your word to Shinji is good enough to me, but I need to protect him in my own way."

Making her mark briskly, Suzuka shook her head, "I am well aware of the cost of interacting with the government. None shall hear of Rei-chan's shameful mistreatment from my lips, I assure you." Feeling Shinji's struggle to contain his anger at the topic, she took it upon herself to act as something of a pressure valve, "It is a shame that those responsible for this travesty have no extra tasks to perform, perhaps demonstrating their own contrition for the state of affairs they allowed to exist, and thereby enabling this mockery of secrecy to become necessary."

"If there was a way to defend mankind that didn't make monsters of us, I petitioned for it," the polymath stated without rancor. "Relying on a weapons system that was driven by people not yet old enough to vote did not rank high on my list of desires. Maintaining an…enclosure, a _zoo_ of semi-animate biologically indistinct humanoids ranked lower." Her eyes flicked to Shinji's, "Dying with my honor intact, and letting everyone else die with me…."

"She likes Hayao Miyazaki," he ground out. "She watched one of his movies with us before the Tenth…perhaps you could arrange a gift." _It's not nearly enough, but it also isn't Ritsuko's fault…. Not entirely. She's guilty, but so are we all._

"I…will look into that," ducking her head, the demi-blonde made her goodbyes and was out of the room in short order.

"Your father, the Angels, this 'SEELE' group? Who cast the first stone that disturbed the pond, I wonder." Suzuka once more continued the task of cleaning and polishing her blade, "Those who disturbed the creature in Antarctica? Those that set them on the path? The interlocking threads of fate that led everyone to where we now stand may yield precious few answers."

"Malice or ignorance," Shinji countered, "it doesn't matter anymore. We're standing in the thick of it, and Rei just had her secrets exposed to dozens more people. Soon, everyone will know. It's like Sensei said, 'Two men may keep a secret, if one of them is dead.' Nobody will know who spilled, nobody will be held accountable, and everyone will know…." Looking to the door, he chewed on his rage, "I need to get rid of this anger, or I'm going to ruin what precious little Hikari and Maya receive tomorrow. I'm taking their day from them."

"We can meditate," she offered simply. "After we see to the needs of those you hold obligations towards, I will show you what few methods I have available to me to silence the whispers." Her hands remained calm, steadily cleansing her precious blade, "They will understand, My Lord."

"They shouldn't have to," laying back, he clenched his fists and buried his eyes in the heels of his hands. "I can't tell what's me, what's the situation, what's Ireul, what's just random noise! I haven't been this enraged in…in…."

"Since you took me to task for invading your privacy? Since you destroyed the gymnasium in your basement?" Suzuka's voice remained without malevolence, "That there is no thunderstorm to be heard is a sign of growth, I would say. The oddly shaped Spirit obeys your desires, and you do not call on him to lash out randomly."

Taking a deep breath, he let it out explosively, "What am I going to do with you?"

A hint of amusement entered her tone, "I have a list of ideas, should you find yourself lacking."

Eyeing her sideways, he lifted his right fist slightly from his face and raised his eyebrow, his patience thin.

"I will need a little time to resolve the circumstances surrounding my husband's infidelity," stilling her hands, she set the sword aside and faced him as she knew he preferred. "He is far less…enthusiastic than I am to divorce without contest. He desires that I take of his holdings, that I have enough to provide shelter and sustenance, that I am able to arrange for appropriate transportation, and the like. I need to beat it into his head that I am not without my own means," her eyes closed as she appeared to self-castigate. "My apologies, I need to convince him that I am not without my own means."

"I understood what you meant," Shinji pushed himself upright, a sudden excitement flaring at what he saw as positive change from one source of his irritation, sitting with his legs crossed in the too-large bed. "Though I appreciate that you're trying to change how you think, so that you can change what you do. It's like me and my stammer, I thought it was hopeless, and so it was. I needed to think that it was possible, and it became possible…with a lot of effort, focus, and concentration."

"As you say," she opened her eyes, her smile grateful. "With your permission, I would like to further that resolution today. I doubt it will take long once I show him the receipt from the counting house, and express my desire that he use his funds to provide a happy, stable, life for the child." Bracing herself, she added, "I also will need to locate suitable housing. I do not intend to force him from the home, it is far too large for a single person. It is better that the chit and his child move in with him there, and I seek other-"

"You'll live with us," Shinji cut in firmly. "You swore an oath…and that makes you my responsibility. I have more than enough space, at least three spare rooms, and if we're going to learn to fight as a unit I need you close to hand and not walking for three hours to get to my house."

Her face assumed a neutral cast, "You do not feel you should discuss this with your wives?"

"If they are the women I know them to be, they'll adjust. We can discuss other, different, arrangements once this idiocy is over if they have a significant problem with it." Letting his hands fall into his lap, he looked at her with his anger still stalking at the edges of his mind, "If you want something, you _will_ tell me. I will not tolerate this nonsense that I'm getting from others in my life, not from one of the two people who have…the access you do. I may not always be able to, I may not always _want_ to, but it is my choice; not yours, not anyone else's, what I give or do."

"My Lord," she bowed in her seat. "Then, may I be dismissed to see to the last of my duties as a married woman?"

"Go carefully." He waited for her to stand and gather her sword and parasol, before finishing, "I love you, Suzuka. We are warriors, death may be our companion wherever we go…but I don't want to be the man to bury you."

"Nor I the woman to bury you," she looked down on him just as fiercely as he had her. "You are forbidden from dying, My Lord. That is your duty as the man I serve…as the man I love, and I will neither serve nor love a man who fails in his duties…not and suffer him to live, not ever again."

His mood recovered some at the bold declaration, and he reached out to take her hand in his, "As you say, My Lady. As you say."

+++++ 11th Angel + 0: Wednesday (69)

"Shinji!" Hikari bolted from her seat as he flowed out of the medical suite twenty or so minutes after Suzuka had left, "Are you ok?" Hitting him around the midsection with a firm embrace, she whispered breathlessly, "I was so worried when I heard you had been attacked. It was an Angel, and you weren't in your Eva. They locked everything down, trapping Maya and I outside. I'm so sorry that I left, I should have been there."

"And been in danger?" Shinji snorted, "No, thank you. This is one of the few times in my life that you'll ever hear me say that I'm glad you _weren't_ at my side." Watching Maya approach, he switched to a more silent mode of communication, _Suzuka's moving in. I'm sorry, but with everything going on I need someone with us that can protect you all. Please, help me keep her steady._ He trusted the more even-tempered woman in his life to understand, and was rewarded with a subtle nod. "Hikari," pressing her back, he thought through his words carefully, "We need to talk. Would you feel ok taking a walk around the track? It's late, but I think we can get them to turn on the lights."

"If you say one word about not marrying," she glared up at him, "you'll wish they left the lights off."

The laughter that bubbled out of him broke the gloom in his mind better than any medicine, "No, no. I'm still planning on signing whatever papers you put before me tomorrow. I'm yours, Hikari. Now, and forever."

"Ours," she pulled him towards Maya. "Maya agrees with me, you'll be in serious trouble if you think you can talk your way out of this now, buster."

"I promise," he scooped them both off the ground, giving them a seat on one bent arm each. "That has nothing to do with what we need to discuss." Nodding to Kaz and Green, he walked carefully to the exits, "What's the plan, then? Do we need to go to HR and ask them to print out some forms?"

"It'll be more involved," Maya sat in his grasp, managing a professional poise despite the odd means of transportation. "We'll have a slightly formal ceremony, at the request of the Imperial Family. There will be a number of witnesses, including the Imperial Princess herself, and the rings are being provided by the Shirakami."

"Xu-san has apparently had four commissioned for some time, two for me and two for Maya," Hikari's posture was exceptionally ladylike, reminding him that she could manage to appear refined in the midst of a raging squall. "Yours, my love, are going to take a little longer. They'll be ready by the ceremony, she swears."

" _Can_ I wear a ring?" He frowned, not really having put much thought into it, "Will it interfere in the Eva? What if I grow again?"

"Yours are going to be different, until we…." She looked around, then leaned in, "Finish killing the Angels, and you stop physically growing with each one killed." Smiling with a shrug, she continued in a normal tone, "Right now, they'll go on a necklace on my neck, and Hikari's. We'll each carry a piece of your promise to the other, since having you wear something that might end up cutting off circulation or act as a conduit for an electrical shock is a little high."

"They'll fit you for now, at least better than the clothes you're wearing at the moment." Hikari smiled confidently, plucking at the too-tight shirt he had on. "And we'll get them resized when we're confident that you can actually wear them." A small bout of girlish giggling broke through her reserve, "We're going to be married!"

Shinji reached the doors to the external track faster than he'd thought he might, and found himself becoming worried. _I made this decision, I need to tell her. Anything else is lying, or hiding._

 _It's a sound decision, Pup,_ Maya squeezed his wrist surreptitiously. _I'm not exactly eager to die, and while I have issues with Suzuka's temper and the way she's acted in the past around her husband, I'm not going to turn away someone that will keep you, Hikari, and me all alive long enough to enjoy our lives together. People can change. Ritsuko, Misato, even Asuka's different this time around…if not entirely in the ways that you might think._ "It's certainly going to be an interesting call back home," she spoke aloud. "Telling mom and dad that I was dating the two of you…kind of hadn't happened yet. Let alone the engagement…as short as that will have been."

His own concerns moved to their traditional place at the back of the bus, "Is it bad?"

"No, no," she smiled reassuringly. "They've known I was far more attracted to my own gender than yours for a long time. That I'm marrying two people, one of them being male, and that he happens to be the savior of the world? There's…kind of a reason I haven't. Word gets around back home really easily, and…well, I'm a little nervous that they might draw the wrong kind of attention."

"So, you tell them you married Hikari," Shinji set them both down carefully on the rubberized surface. "I don't mind being 'the secret lover', especially if it's going to keep my mother and father-in-law safe."

"No," Maya shot the idea down resolutely. "I will not hide you, not now, not ever."

"It isn't that bad an idea, Maya," Hikari took Shinji's side. "It lets them in some, helps you keep a connection to them…our lives are all rather secretive by the nature of your jobs. Even I have become accustomed to not talking about everything like I used to with other students. It's not hiding, it's just prudent caution."

"The answer remains no," she crossed her arms under her chest. "I'll figure out how to approach it, and if I need to I'll save up some money to fly them down here and tell them in person." Raising one eyebrow she tapped her foot, "I will not hide either of you. We are husband and wives, and that is that."

Raising his hands to waist level, Shinji motioned for peace, "Message received, though I'll pay to fly them down whenever you want. This is important to you, so it's important to me. I made the offer, and you don't want it. I won't tell you what to do, I just don't want you to think I'm not flexible."

"Flexibility isn't your job, Pup, it's mine," standing on her toes, she tugged him down into a kiss. _I'm not angry. I just want to set the mood here. She needs to understand that sometimes we make our decisions based on what we feel is best, and not everything will be by committee. She has that freedom too, and should use it when appropriate._ Landing on her heels, she grinned, "Now, what's the secret?" Looking around, she noted that their security cohort was well spread and wouldn't overhear, "We're as alone as we'll get."

Starting them off, he borrowed from Hikari's talent for walking backwards and placed himself before them in reverse, "With everything that's going on…and today's attack, especially, I gave everything some serious thought while I was forced to sit in bed earlier." His heart warmed as Hikari latched onto Maya's arm, the two women moving in sync far better than he managed with either due to the size differences, "I don't know if you were briefed at all on what happened, with the chaos going on, so I guess I should start there."

Starting with where he had parted with Hikari, Shinji walked through the entire ordeal. Sparing most of the description of what he saw, though Maya's blanching told him that she'd been told more than enough to know what he was avoiding, he managed to keep his stomach steady. The description of Dark's assistance, how she'd helped him discover what the oath Suzuka had made truly meant, and her aid in the aftermath. Pushing past the fight itself, he kept his hands involved in speaking, "So…I lost what we'd had for breakfast. It wasn't good, Hikari. I'll never be able to forget it, and now she's in here." He tapped his chest. "That made me realize something…."

"I told you once, not long after you and I met this time, that you would simply need some extra love and care." Hikari's voice was closer to Class Rep than fiancée, as she spoke, "I do not intend to spare myself the horrors you face, my love. We _will_ face them as a family. We _will_ find you the support you need. Long, sleepless, nights? Days filled with holding you as you cry? I am not marrying an easy man, neither in the euphemistic or traditional sense. So whatever it is you are dancing around, spit it out."

"Suzuka will be moving in with us," the words left his mouth before he could catch them, his natural reaction to Hikari's tone of command overriding his caution. When he saw her mouth quirk off to the side, he stopped their progress, "I need to know that you are all safe, Hikari. That someone's watching over you, someone that can at least slow down an enraged Angel-like enemy. Ireul in a Rei-like body may not have been just as dangerous as this 'Perfume', but she was a vital part of my winning today. I can't always be there, as much as I want to be. She can be there when I'm not. She can at least help me feel like you're safer."

"I don't like it." She lifted the hand that had been caressing Maya's to stop him from interrupting, "I don't _have_ to like it. It's the truth. It's just like Maya said earlier, it will be until we're done with this madness. Nothing can be the way we'd like until then, and I just have to accept it."

"I am sorry," he bowed politely. "I wish I could give you the life you deserve."

 _Then I'd recommend fighting for it._ Nyx settled on his shoulder, _Nothing says you can't give her everything, Pet. She could share your mind, as your other lover does. She could share your soul, your thoughts, your emotions. You could have a bond that spans epochs. She could be at your side for all eternity. All you have to do is let me make one, tiny, change._

"I-" The sudden shift left him off balance as he stood back upright, _She's not one of us, Nyx. She's not immortal like Suzuka, or…whatever I am._

 _And considering that a 'tiny' change is all that separates a brick of gold from a puddle of mercury, I'm going to recommend a lot more explanation before anyone agrees to anything._ Maya clutched Hikari close, "We have a visitor. She's trying to tempt our husband."

 _I'm offering something to my other half, daughter._ Nyx sighed, leaning on her elbow atop Shinji's head, _You both amuse him. His heart is so full of life when he considers either of you. If immortality for both of you is something that will bring him joy, why shouldn't I?_

 _At what cost?_ Dark landed with authority, _I can make the same offer, without any strings. Extending their lives indefinitely is simple, and I don't have to push him into becoming an omnicidal maniac in the bargain._

Shinji looked between the rose-tinted Captain and the raven-haired Angel, _You're both here? At the same time?_

 _Partnership has its perks,_ Dark winked at him.

 _You partnered with this…thing?_ Nyx slid off his shoulder, striding over and glaring at Dark, _If you wished to rut with animals, Lover, you should know I am able to shift my appearance._

Hikari sensed Shinji's body language becoming increasingly tense, "Maya, what's happening?"

"We have guests, and they're at odds with each other," two lifetimes of conflict gave Maya steadier nerves, and her proximity to Shinji sealed everything else. "They'll play nicely with each other though, because neither wants to push our husband into siding with the other…do they?"

"I'm certain that's true," Shinji growled, his anger growing again. "Especially the day before I am to marry you both. It would be _exceptionally_ unwise to cause me to express my displeasure."

 _While I might not mind taking him to my bunk, Destroyer, I have not had the pleasure. I meant 'partnership' in the same sense most rational beings would, he and I have an alliance._ Dark walked over to Shinji's side, standing perpendicular to him and punching his arm in a friendly manner, _Equals. He listens to my experience, I listen to his fears. Unlike you, I'm not interested in the blood of uncounted realities on my hands, and he appreciates that._

Maya began running a commentary on the discussion quietly, trying to make it seem like they were all just taking a moment to discuss something uncomfortable so that his guards wouldn't come over and start asking questions.

 _Just the blood of thousands of my kin,_ Nyx sneered. _Your precious Judges can't stand not having everything under their unfeeling control, can they? Did you tell him that? Hmm, 'Captain'? That those you work for would be more than happy to see him eliminated before he becomes too powerful? Oh, wait,_ she gasped as if she'd just remembered she left the oven on, before sneering contemptuously, _he's_ already _too powerful. He can't be murdered by your pathetic ships._

 _I'm not that powerful,_ Shinji frowned. _I'm pretty sure I'd know if I could survive the planet being torn in half. I just got my cheek and arm torn open by the nails of a seventeen year old girl, I think Earth-rending cataclysm is above that in damage._

 _Only because you refuse to acknowledge what you are, Pet,_ Nyx looked at him intently. _You've taken the first step towards Ascension, in recognizing those of_ his _brood you've absorbed. All you need to do is accept that you are no longer human, and everything is within your grasp. Everything!_

 _Or, he can retain his connection to his own kind and still be powerful enough to walk all over anything in his path. Your Instrumentality is not the only path to greatness, and his soul does not need to be sacrificed for him to…to make good in the universe!_ Dark stepped towards Nyx, _He can be a bridge between the Judges and the rest of creation. He can show everyone that this stupid war is nothing but a waste of time and energy. Is half of the universe not enough to satisfy your ambitions? Is your kind determined to own it all, the rest of creation be damned?_

 _A bridge that's being threatened if it doesn't carry the freight you demand? What happens when your masters decide that a world hasn't met its requirements? Is he supposed to just sit back and allow them to wipe it from the face of the universe? Am I to allow my children to be slaughtered because your mindless drones make a mistake in not bowing the correct number of times per hour? Your high-minded hopes are worthless, 'Captain'. You are your masters' dog, and nothing more._ Nyx gestured back to Maya and Hikari, _I love my children. I have yet to kill a single one of them, even when they oppose me. I created all of this, and when one of my children took my place at his side I left that imperfection in place. I could have changed her mind, erased her, wiped everything and started over. Did I?_ She looked to Shinji, _Or did I let you have what made you happy?_

 _Only because you can't threaten him anymore. If you reset everything, you'd lose him._ Dark crossed her arms and stuck her hip out cockily, _You realized too late that the one flaw in your designs is that you can't pull this off without either him or Adam. And since_ -

Nyx' eyes glowed hot, _Speak one more word and I will sever his ability to sense your kind._

 _Since I_ am _Adam, it means that you can't do this without me._ Shinji sighed, _Nyx…I figured that out some time ago, though Maya figured it out far quicker than I did. It was a simple matter of deductive reasoning, the changes all flowing from a single point where I had that odd disunity. The embryo, which was the odd piece out from everything, is a piece of the Angel from the Katsuragi expedition. That means that the Second Impact, the extermination of half of mankind, everything that happened was because humanity woke Adam from his slumber. Because the power that I house inside of me by existing went out of control. 'Not-Shinji', as we call him, is just a confused and nervous Angel that is trying to bring calm to everything around him._

The mother of all life on Earth turned and screamed in his face, _You are not him!_ With one finger aimed at his heart, she seemed to be in far deeper pain than he'd ever seen, _He is in there, with the rest of his failed usurpers! You have gone beyond what he would ever have hoped to manage with his myopic devotion to stasis. You have brought change where he would have simply stagnated. You have allowed my opposite to live where he would have just killed you and our children! You give them fertile fields where he would snuff any chance of existence out…. You are Shinji Ikari,_ flicking her hand towards Dark she lifted her chin proudly, _and you are not meant to be subordinate to a cabal of relics bent on dominating all of creation!_

The comparison to SEELE brought a frown to his face, and he looked to Dark, _Is that true?_ He didn't fancy trading one constant, looming, threat for another, _Will your superiors demand that I help them control everything?_

 _They're the balance against unchecked growth, Shinji. If we lived in a universe where nothing ever died of natural causes, can you imagine how crowded that would become? The pain? The suffering? The endless wars? The Angels, as you call them, are eternal. They terraform planets, eliminate all non-Angelic life, expand beyond the planet's capacity, and send out seed ships to start the process all over again. Yes, the Judges limit the expansion of life._ Dark gestured to the stars, _Out there. Most planets like yours never develop the technology to gain immortality. To be honest, most end up destroying themselves well before they could escape their own gravity well. Don't your farmers cull invasive species? Isn't that the only way you can grow enough food to feed your people?_

 _Creation is only limited because of their decree, Lover,_ Nyx pressed what she felt to be an advantage. _They closed off the borders of reality, they put down limits where none previously existed. They're culling 'invasive species' that were denied other avenues of growth. The ability to explore beyond artificial boundaries was forever denied us._

Dark scowled at her tormentor, _Imagine the ragged ends of a piece of cloth, Shinji. When you pull on one string, does it stop unravelling simply because it reached 'whole' cloth? Or does it continue to fray the fabric around it until you're left with nothing but a pile of string where you once had a beautiful scarf?_ _Wouldn't trimming the excess fabric be sensible, to prevent the art from suffering? The lives and loves of those that did nothing wrong but were harmed anyway by overzealous expansionistic monsters?_

 _Again, only what she's told. She doesn't know what happened, she only knows what her masters have told her._ Nyx' eyes held a great deal of pain, of sorrow, _I was there. I watched as my kind was incinerated in the fires of war. The terrible purges of billions of living beings at the orders of faceless monsters that refused to even consider that they might not be right. Lie to him, Child of Murder. Tell him you know for certain that your masters have told you everything. He will sense the lie, and you will prove me right._

Shinji shook his head, _She doesn't know. She can't know._ That much was obvious from his own experiences. Kozo Fuyutsuki, a far cry from the man once in command, still didn't share everything with him. It took beings from beyond his own world to discover even fragments of the truth…but that was the nature of the command structure. Misato didn't want to hide things from him or Asuka. She _couldn't_ share them, because ultimately it wasn't relevant to their mission. They fought Angels. Full stop. Everything else was a matter for scholars and ethicists. _Nothing has changed._ He shoved his hands in his pockets, _I won't be a party to murder. No matter what I am, what I've become…I have no right to pass that kind of judgement. If we are attacked, I will defend life…even if it means taking it from those who won't listen to reason. But I will not simply slaughter sentient beings wholesale when there are alternatives._

Dark looked back to him, _I don't wish to do it either, Shinji. But you view this world and it's people as your home, your only concern. I have to defend galaxies. The perspective you have now will change, as you come to understand the scale we're talking about. You can't tell me that it's right to simply sit back and allow Angels to overwhelm populated worlds. That you'd sit back and let it happen. Do the lives of people living on_ [static] _matter less than the lives here, simply because they're eight million lightyears away?_

"You can't put that kind of pressure on just one man," Hikari gasped in a choked whisper. Looking around, unable to see either of the debaters, she focused instead on his face, "You know that Daddy would seek to get people to work together on a solution. We are not the kind of people who look for the 'easy' path, my love. When in history has the easy road ever been a positive choice? How many wars might have been avoided if people simply accepted a little suffering in the short term to build a better world in the long term?"

He smiled, a fragile, sad smile, "You're both right." He let his smile fade, "Which is why I can't…I can't let myself be 'just one man'." Clenching one hand into a fist, he glared at Nyx, "I _am_ Shinji Ikari. This is _my_ planet. I will protect humanity, from Angels," he turned his ire to Dark, "Judges, or whatever place you were speaking of when everything went staticky." Jamming his thumb against his chest, he dropped his voice to a whisper, "I am the host of ten living beings, the focal point of powers that can change reality itself. I know for certain that there are more to come, and that I will host them too. If I am forced to," he looked between the two, "I will fight. Do _not_ force me." Slowly releasing his fist, he took a deep breath, "It is not what partners do."

Maya had a tight grin on her face, _Well done, Pup._

 _I love you._ Looking down, he pushed the last of his anger away, "Now. Partnership is more than just a codeword for not hurting each other. I don't understand everything that was just said between you two, but I do understand that there is a whole lot that I don't understand. If I'm going to be pursued by forces beyond my understanding, my _partners_ should want to help me stay out of trouble. My _partners_ should want to help me create peace, because that's something I deeply…profoundly want to have. So…what do I have to give to you, to get you to help me bring peace?"

 _Let me show you exactly how much pleasure you can feel?_ Nyx quivered, _Mmm, Lover…that was so powerful I…please…. Just a touch. A hint. Let me give you a little of what I'm capable of showing you._

 _This, Shinji,_ Dark rolled her eyes. _You'll never get anything serious from her. She's not wanting to show you pleasure, she's wanting to take from you. Lust feeds her power, and since she's responsible for a part of you it would feed your power too. It's self-serving._

Ignoring Nyx for the moment, as he really didn't want to become angry again, he looked at Dark, _So what do you want? I thought we had an agreement, you help me understand. You help me…how did you put it? 'Keep casualties to a minimum'. I understand, we can never prevent all death. It's just not feasible. In return I listen to you, I help you stop her from limiting life to only what comes from her. I shelter you, if everything goes wrong. That's the broad strokes, but what about the details? What can I give to you to get you to meet me halfway here? She may not be your ally, but you have to know I won't kill her. That means she's a part of all of this._

She considered him for a time, _I want to learn._ Pointing back to Hikari and Maya, she kept her eyes on him, _You chose them. There are, even from my relatively inexperienced eye with regards to your specific species, undeniably better options. With your assets, your position, your personality, you could attract mates of unquestionably superior qualities._ Her hand dropped, _You didn't. She is not even the best possible selection from her own family. Her elder sister is of better health, standing, education, and do not mistake me here I comprehend the concept of love, she loves you more than this one does._

Hikari blinked as Maya hesitantly continued her verbal transcription, "She…does?"

 _Your choices were not random, nor 'quick'. You have had women literally throwing themselves before you to gain your attention, and yet you chose them,_ she once more gestured to his fiancées. _I do not doubt your word that you would let all of creation burn if it meant allowing you to stay with them amongst the ashes, what I want to know is…why?_ She shrugged, _In all of my travels throughout creation, I have never seen the like. Even on your own planet, such devotion is non-existent. It's insane, suicidal, reckless beyond all possible description of the term. People may profess they would, but it is a simple matter to see the lie in their minds. You? To be honest, it's been the reminder I've given in each report to my superiors. Threatening them would result in you violently tearing down all of reality. Not caving to their will, not doing what you're told…you would destroy all of creation._

He spoke aloud for Hikari's sake, "A world they do not reside in is no world for me. A world in which I am not the man they love…is no world for me. Hikari is my Light, if you'll pardon the pun. She illuminates the world around me in a way that nobody ever even tried to, before I came here. No, she is not the most physically beautiful woman on the planet. She'd be the first to admit that. No, she is not the smartest woman on the planet. Same as before. Health, wealth, whatever qualities you want to look for, you can find better elsewhere. I don't want better. I don't want 'best', whatever you might call that. I want her to look at me with that patient smile she has, and tell me that I'm her 'Silly Shinji'. I want her to sit on my lap and tell me that everything will be all right. I want her to look me in the eye and tell me that I can do better, be stronger, fight harder…all in whatever way I want to do it. I want her to push me to be everything I am capable of, so that I can be worthy of standing by her and telling the world…that the woman beside me? The woman who everyone admires? That I belong to her."

His eyes grew distant, "Maya is the opposite side of the same coin. She doesn't push me like Hikari does, she tempers me. While I'm racing ahead of myself, trying to be the best I can so that I'm worthy of their love…she's on my shoulder cautioning me about the traps ahead. She's not holding me back, she's not telling me to stop…. She's reminding me of the balance. The cost. When I'm hot, she's cold. When I'm angry, she's calm. Hikari pushes me out of my comfort zone, and Maya eases my rebound. She lets me spread my wings and is there to pick me up after I crash and burn. Not to pamper, or to soothe, but to help me take in what I just learned so that I don't make the same mistake twice. Misato once said that I needed more than one person, and she was right in a way. No one person can ever complete me, it's not fair to them and it's not an indictment of them either. If I never got to touch either of them physically again, I'd hurt…but knowing that they're in my world? That's enough. To wake up and see them smile, to see them happy…you're right. I'd let all of creation burn for that. I think you're doing the right thing in warning your superiors. They aren't your hostages, they're a trigger. Don't pull it."

 _Huh._ Dark smirked as Hikari blushed furiously and Maya looked down in embarrassment, _That didn't really answer my question…but I didn't expect you to be able to._ Walking over to Hikari, she looked her over from closer, _I want to talk to her. While Maya has aided you greatly, I believe she would agree that this one started everything. So, I want some time with her. Rei can translate, for now. I may have some offers for her, do you trust her to decide without you knowing?_

"I trust her to do what is best," he shrugged. "I am not her keeper, nor would I dare to be her jailer."

 _In exchange, I'll listen to the bitch's negotiation terms._ Dark narrowed her eyes as she looked into Hikari's, _I can't imagine I'll make a great deal of progress with her first round of demands…but I will not betray my partner._ Shifting over to Maya, she winked, _This one, I can talk to whenever I want now. I'm interested to know why she went against type. I might even find her answer more illuminating than yours._

Hikari frowned suddenly, "It's unlikely you'll find much illuminating, Captain. You yourself abandoned the entire plan." Her eyes snapped directly to the supposedly invisible being, "It was your people that took his eye. Your people that branded him. Your people that made to nail him to a tree as some kind of sick, twisted, sacrifice to appease your false gods. If it wasn't for Lilith, Suzuka, and Asuka, everyone would be standing here at a memorial service instead of discussing how to get him to agree to fight." Ignoring Shinji completely, she pointed to Maya, "His unborn child, half of his vision, what more do you want? He says he gained insight from the experience, but I know him well enough to say that he's simply trying to cover for someone he loves. You swore to stand by his side, what changed?"

Nyx stepped in, _Careful, child. You see too far, you strain too much._

"And you don't see enough! You of all people should be furious, Lilith," Hikari looked shocked as she addressed the elder Angel. "You gave what they demanded, you showed good faith. They never intended to bargain, and she knew it!"

Dark stepped back from the scene, _Is this…._

 _It's a potential future,_ Maya whispered mentally. "Babe, we need to calm down. You know Shinji wouldn't want us to fight amongst ourselves like this. He'd want us to discuss this calmly, rationally."

Hazel eyes flashed hot, "No, our husband would rather hold together an alliance that was built on lies. The entire marriage is a sham!"

 _He would never say that, child,_ Nyx gently took Hikari's hands. _He adores you with his entire being._

"Not his marriage to us, Lilith," rolling her eyes as if it were obvious, Hikari freed a hand and gestured disdainfully along Dark's form, "to her. He agreed to this farce with her to secure an alliance. And what do we get? Not a peace treaty, not negotiators, no. We get religious fanatics storming down onto our planet swearing up and down about some form of heresy that she refuses to explain to my satisfaction! We get our husband brutalized, our child murdered, and she just stands there like some weak-willed sop saying it's 'impossible'. You'll excuse me for not being cheerful about this, but once Suzuka comes around I'm fairly certain the entire discussion of our 'diplomatic marriage' will have become academic because there's going to be a diplomatic murder."

Dark couldn't have appeared more confused, _Fanatics…they wouldn't send the Scions, it-_

"Well, unless you translated the word wrong for us that's what they're called." Stamping her foot, Hikari growled in frustration, "Just…just leave us alone! We chased them off, you still have your ship…just take it and go home."

 _That's enough,_ Nyx smoothed her hand over Hikari's head, knocking her unconscious and into Maya's arms. _Nothing good will come of letting this go on much longer._ Turning to face Shinji, she held her hands out in a request for calm, _I simply asked that her mind quiet, Lover. No harm was done, you can even ask_ him. _The Night is mine, the time of slumber and recovery…among other things. Please, have your people scan her for damage. These fits of Sight can lead to physical damage if her brain isn't suited to them._

 _She's fine,_ Dark stated confidently as Shinji picked Hikari up and began moving back towards the hospital. Flying along by his side, she ran her hand over Hikari's head, _Nothing worse than you would expect from a small seizure._

 _Your people should verify,_ Nyx glowered at her antagonist, holding near his other shoulder as she floated along. _Your species knows better about your species than she would, even with her advanced technology._

"What happened, kid?" Akane met him halfway, turning around and keeping pace while Mikoto called ahead to have people ready, "You guys get in a fight?"

"She's overwhelmed," Maya answered for him. "Too much happening, lots of anxiety, constantly being under observation, little good sleep. She was upset that things keep piling up on Shinji, which neither of us can honestly say isn't true."

"Get her sister," Shinji ground out. "The older one." _And you two, I want tangible progress. But tomorrow? Tomorrow I have a wedding…hopefully. I so much as catch sight of either of you until at least the day after that…._ Leaving the rest unspoken, he waited impatiently for the elevator up to the Tower, "And find Lieutenant Chambers."

+++++ 11th Angel + 0: Wednesday (69)

"Understood," Shinji's Naval Lieutenant nodded, flipping her notebook closed and taking his elbow, "I'll get them here on the double. Are you ok, sir?"

Shinji laughed, a dead sound, "No. But give me my options, Kelly." Looking back at the room where Kodama and Maya were engaged in a quiet consultation, he shrugged, "I do what I can, because I don't have any other choices. I'm stuck here until we come up with a plan to counter Perfume, but I will not tolerate the strain she's been under. If they challenge me…we'll find alternate avenues to arrange security. Go. The sooner this is done, the sooner I'll start to relax."

"Aye aye, sir." The redheaded officer pulled out her phone and began dialing as she walked out of the Tower. Green held the elevator door open for her, ducking his head in respect, and she was gone as quickly as she could be.

As he paced back and forth, thinking through what he might glean from the unexpected revelations Hikari had given, Shinji was aware that he was being watched closely for his own signs of fatigue, "I'm fine, Kaz-san. Just angry, nervous, and…angry."

"Don't doubt it, sir. Still don't want you collapsing on me. Temple would hold me down while Rina and Hina carved me like a roast duckling." The big man didn't intrude, or hover, he just kept a careful eye on the man everyone referred to as 'Paladin'.

 _If I go to sleep now, everyone will think I'm insane. I can't help Hikari, but we need to know what Adam knows about the Scions, the Judges, everything._ Bracing himself against a table, leaning on his hands and letting his eyes lose focus, he growled, _Why can't I stop being angry? It's like my mind_ wants _to be filled with rage._

 _Because you just had to experience the horrors of combat and haven't had time to decompress, and it wasn't from behind a viewscreen which makes it all the more immediate to you._ Maya's words carried a soothing quality, though it wasn't enough, _Take a walk. Nobody's going to blame you, I won't let them. I'm telling Kodama right now that you're going to clear your head so that you don't become a second casualty on the day. Trust me, Pup. Hikari won't hate you, I won't hate you, and in the end…does anyone else's opinion matter?_

His fiancée, soon to be wife, always managed to make the world seem so simple. He sighed, pushing himself upright, "I'm taking a walk. I'm not going to do any good here, and I'm half likely to tear the walls apart looking for microphones and cameras myself. I doubt you want me doing that, so…I'm taking a walk." He looked to Kaz and Green, "Any changes…."

"I have your number, their number," the easy-going corpsman pointed to Akane, "and the P.A. system. You'll know, brother-man. Scout's honor." Walking over to the elevator, he keyed the door for him, "Go burn some energy, get your head right."

The ride in the tight-feeling space was quiet, Akane the only agent to go down with him as access to the Tower itself was heavily guarded from the outside. Those that remained were there to search through the interior of the room for irregular devices, recording, listening, or otherwise. "Hell of a bachelorette party. All the fainting, none of the booze."

Shinji smirked, the agent's humor striking him square in his weak spot, "I offered to perform a strip tease, but…you know, recording devices." Looking down at the woman he first met in this life, he shrugged, "You know how she is about sharing the goods."

"I know, right?" Rolling her eyes playfully, she laughed, "You ask her for one good picture of your bare ass, and you'd think I'd told her Nozomi-chan was pregnant. So selfish."

He laughed, imagining what Hikari would actually say if asked that question…and coming up with no satisfactory answers. The joke became a thought experiment, as he knew she didn't mind other women ogling him. She said that after some introspection she realized that all of those women were simply admiring what she had free reign of. That they longed after something he gave to her at any time of the day. However, she was also extremely protective of his privacy. If he didn't wish something shared or given, it was off limits to everyone and everything. When the elevator hit the ground, he looked back to the agent he'd known the longest, "You know…I've never seen it myself. She's that selfish."

"That's pretty bad, kid," she sensed his mood shifting erratically and ran with the new introspective tone. "Where are we going? Because if it's to track down another noise, I swear I'm dragging you to the armory first."

"No, no," he took a few steps to clear out of everyone's way before looking around again. "Rei's gone home, right?"

"She's at her apartment, yeah. Planning with Katsuragi-san what they're wearing tomorrow," Akane checked the active listing of all assets, nodding.

"I promised them dinner," he remembered Nozomi and Sakura. "Damn it. Have they eaten? The girls."

"Ehm…hold one," she raised a finger and dialed with the opposite hand. The call went through immediately, "Hey, it's me. The Rainbow Squad eaten? No? Great. Keep it that way. I'm bringing in the Heavy, send someone to the cafeteria and get something worth mentioning. Out." Sliding her phone away, she gestured towards the long-stay clinic where they'd set up the two young girls, "Let's see if we can't let the sun shine in."

+++++ 11th Angel + 0: Wednesday (69)

As he hesitated in the doorway of the room, Shinji noticed that both teams of Agents had gone to great lengths to arrange for an additional bed in the limited space available. The amount of heavy lifting, turning, and what Mikoto would deem 'radical reconstruction' that had taken place was impressive when he considered that he'd already been in the room once this day already. Nicolette was working with Christie to dole out appropriately sized portions for him and his two hosts, and the room buzzed with an excitement he hadn't been expecting.

"Nii-san!" Nozomi clapped happily, "You remembered!"

"Good evening, Shinji-san," Sakura glowed with pleasure. "It is very good to see you again."

"No, no, Sakura-chan," Nozomi chided. "Good evening _nii-san_. He's not just my nii-san, he's your nii-san too!"

"I…I don't want to presume," Sakura blushed, wringing her hands adorably.

"It's not a presumption," Shinji found his tongue, moving into the room to help where he could in handing out food. "Anyone who's this important to Nozomi-chan is important to me. We may not be blood-related, Sakura-chan, but in my opinion that doesn't matter a bit. You are my imōto, and that's that."

"Sit, sit," Nicolette shooed him towards the beds. "Miss Christie and I have this, you spend some time with the little ones."

"See?" The Little Lady of the Horaki Clan hugged her 'sister', "I told you everything would be ok. Nii-san makes everything ok, it's what he does!"

"What's wrong, then?" Carefully positioning his bulk where he could face both girls, Shinji shoved away his major concerns eagerly. _If I can fix something here…at least I can do something. It may not be much, but it's something damn it!_ "Let me help."

Sakura flushed with embarrassment, "My…uhm…."

"Her daddy had to go appear in court really, super far away," Nozomi supplied. "His son, that idiot, got in a huge fight at the detention center he was in and hurt someone. She's afraid that she'll have to move, if he has to transfer there to keep his job and help that idiot."

 _Would that be for the best? Get her…where I can't protect her…. No, she's a target. He went after her ribbon to send a message,_ "That won't be necessary, I'm sure that NERV will help me cover any medical issues here. If the hospital she's been staying at needs a name to attach to her, I'll give them mine. If she receives a discharge, she'll come live with us." Pulling out his phone, he sent a note to Kelly to begin asking whatever questions needed asking, "I'll have my EA ask around, and we'll talk to Suzuhara-san about setting this up as a backup plan."

"See?" Nozomi helped Nicolette set Sakura's meal tray down before the stricken youth, "Nii-san fixes things."

"Everyone's problems but my own," Shinji grinned, remembering Suzuki's statement. "My problems tend to need other people to fix them, which means that I have to work three times as hard to fix other people's problems so that I'm not just 'taking'. This is simple stuff, Sakura-chan, I promise. Your father's a good man, and I'm sure he doesn't want to disrupt your life any more than it already has been."

"But you're getting married," Sakura continued to fret as Nozomi received her meal. "Don't you want to have…you know, 'special time' with Hikari-san?"

Shinji bit into his tongue, trying desperately to come up with a way to explain around that rather adult contention coming from an elementary school student.

"We just won't barge into their room, silly," Nozomi rolled her eyes. "Maya-nee-san and Hikari-nee-san don't do stuff like that outside of there, they know I'm around."

"Very polite of them," Nicolette giggled as she handed Shinji his tray.

"So, Christie-san," grasping onto the offered lifeline, Shinji looked at the blushing cook, "is this something you made?"

"I helped, yes," she spoke slightly louder than required, her cheeks blossoming darker. "The supervisor did his part as well, as I couldn't have put all of this together this quickly without him."

"That's good, then," he forced a smile. "I had hoped to try your cooking."

"Nii-san gets super embarrassed when he thinks about hugging them," Nozomi groaned. "You'd think that he would be used to it now, but no. He still acts like he did when I first met him. It's been two whole months, nii-san! That's _forever_. You need to be bold!"

"Shinji's plenty bold," Nicolette teased, taking a seat by her dance partner at the foot of the bed. "He's just trying to be a good man and not rub his fortune in everyone else's face. It's part of maturity, realizing that even though you _can_ do something, _should_ you do it is a separate question." Leaning against him, she let her head rest on his shoulder as he ate, "It's not just for the big things, girls. It's for the little things to, because the big things are made of little things, after all."

Switching the hand he ate with, Shinji lifted his arm up and pulled the pixie-like agent into a hug, "Exactly. Every decision you make will impact every decision after. Sometimes, you have to go with your gut. Be bold, like Nozomi-chan. Other times you have to hesitate, think things through more carefully, like Sakura-chan. Neither way is perfect, both are important skills to develop."

"I'm glad you think so, Shin…nii-san," Sakura blushed, smiling as she tried the new appellation out. "Sometimes kids in my class would make fun of me, calling me 'slow' because I don't run about without thinking." She squirmed a little, " _He_ used to yell at me for that."

 _Toji wasn't a deep thinker, that's true._ "Well, in our house we do things a little different." He could feel Nicolette gently clinging to him, something clearly bothering her that he was helping with by simply holding her, "We practice what Maya-san calls 'mindfulness'. It helps us with realizing what we're doing, why we're doing it, what others are doing, and why they're doing it. Hikari-san says that _her_ Daddy pushed the same idea, and it has really helped me not panic so much."

"I always have a problem with it, but Maya-nee-san has been super patient," Nozomi nodded.

"So, if you end up living with us for a time I'm sure you'll fit right in," Shinji finished with a warm, hope-filled, smile. "Because I take things slow too, especially now that I'm so big." Taking Nicolette's hand, he waggled her arm softly as she again giggled happily, "People are so much smaller than I am anymore, and I could really hurt them if I wasn't careful." Setting her limb down, he gestured to Christie, "If I didn't think through the impact of what I did, I may not notice someone who needs a helping hand either. I don't want to be the kind of man that doesn't help those in need, especially if helping them will lead to delicious meals like this." He shared his smile with their guest as she cleaned up the service trolley, "Good things come from taking your time…I just wish life would let me take more of it."

+++++ Author's Notes

origamishishou:

RE: The UP3

The Prime Directive, the UP3, there are a number of plays on the simple concept that allowed me to involve galaxy-spanning antagonists to Lilith and Adam without having them come down to the planet and just 'solve the problem'. Star Ocean being one of my favorite games, and more in line with the 'anime' aesthetic tipped it towards them. Besides 'Trek' vs 'Wars' arguments are to be avoided.

RE: Dark

I wouldn't look too hard. She's something of a canon immigrant, with a personality change, from the predecessor to this story. The one Cat that's around that read that one might recognize her skin tone and 'take charge' attitude as 'Amy', short for 'Amethyst'.

chuckieum: RE: Feedback.

Thank you, truly. There are days where I look at this abomination I've begun and wonder if it's reaching people the way that I'd hoped it might. I am grateful to know that you are appreciating the offering I have, and can only hope that as the story begins the next forthcoming arcs that you continue to do so.

There will be things hinted at that won't occur until well after the 'main story' is completed, as this is a living world and these characters aren't looking at the final chapter as an end to their story but the beginning of the rest of their lives. In that, I try very hard to make certain that 'crossover' things don't dominate the stage. This is, after all, Neon Gen. Maya and Hikari will always take priority over Suzuka and Noelle, for example.

As far as keeping the rules consistent, I'm a big believer in the 'Magic A is Magic A' method of writing. Rules, laws, constants, whatever you want to call the effects of physical reality on our lives those things govern how we interact with a world. There is _always_ a reason for things happening, one does not simply drop a bowling ball in the ocean and have it suddenly fly up to destroy Jupiter. Adhering to that keeps me grounded, stops Shinji from becoming a Japanese Clark Kent, and informs the audience as to the possibilities.

One specific note, however, is that I am glad you find the story well-formatted. With so many modes of communication from so many characters, and the entire conceit being focused around 'a year in the life of Shinji Ikari', I have tried 'super hard' as Nozomi would say to keep things accessible. If this site had text colors as an option, believe me I'd considered using it.

Again, thank you. Any feedback is important, and I understand that not everyone wishes to review often. Take the time as you will, guest review or logged in, and know that I appreciate both.

TheHiddenLettuce:

RE: Leliel.

It will not be exactly as it was in canon, in all ways. Shinji, however, can't necessarily stop the hand of fate from fighting to keep things constant. To quote the rulebook I was handed once, "The enemy gets a vote too."

RE: Asuka.

She's not been forgotten, and if it weren't for all of Shinji's priorities slapping him at the same time she'd be higher on his list of concerns. The next bit of story with her is coming up soon, since I try to keep these updates between eight and twelve thousand words.

Martial Arts Master: RE: Rei.

For want of a nail.


	83. Chapter 83

+++++ 11th Angel + 0: Wednesday (69)

Nanako stood between two of her friends, her arms crossed and her foot tapping a rapid tattoo on the ground, "This is what Hikari-chan wants. Shinji-kun and Maya-san agreed for their own reasons, and so this is happening. And now you are telling me that between right now and ten tomorrow, we can't arrange to get clothing for him? The _easiest_ of the three to dress, there's nobody willing to provide it?"

"He's become rather large, Nanako dear. Nobody has adequate quantities of fabric of appropriate quality to dress a noble, let alone a world-renowned hero! Can you imagine what it would do to their reputation if he looked anything short of perfect? Like it or not, we're going to have this event televised in millions of homes, tens of millions! The name of the person that puts silk on his back will be judged from here to Paris and back," the elder Xu flipped through her book of business contacts as she spoke. "I've even tried asking if two or more have the same cuts, but it's been a hard few years of late and quality cloth is hard to find."

"A Western suit, perhaps?" Jiaxin tilted the photograph of Shinji and his 'family' at an angle, "He has the lines for it. With his hair color, it wouldn't look too terribly off. A nice slate black with piping…."

"He is a child of Japan, dear," the matriarch shook her head. "A member of the renewed peerage. Dressing him as a Westerner would send a terrible message." Dialing another number, she braced herself for disappointment as she spied her daughter approaching, "How is Maya's coming?" Closing off her posture, she indicated that she was speaking on the phone while still listening to her child, a skill she'd long since perfected, "Yes, hello dear. I'm calling because I hope you can help me."

"Nearly done," Yang reported as she carried a stack of messages into the room, talking over her mother in carefully modulated tones. "Momo-san says she's having them do a seventh quality check." Quickly sorting out who received what, she handed three to Nanako, "One's from Suzuka-san. You said that was a priority." Waving as she turned, she left the room as quickly as she entered, "I have three tables still, customers dragging their feet because they think I'm interested in something less than Shinji. Boys stand no chance with a bar set that high by a man like him."

Jiaxin's cheek twitched, but her mouth stayed still. Looking over the various notes, she saw nothing that would alter their standing significantly, "The elders have agreed to stay out of it, as expected."

"He's not officially one of us," Nanako pursed her lips as she absorbed her own information. "And while the chance to remind the Imperial Princess that we exist is always favorable, it's better that we leave that to Suzuka-san and Shinji-kun." Holding the note from the swordswoman over where the Xu matriarch could read it, she looked to the younger woman beside her, "Contact the baker, he'll be jumping higher than we thought. They'll need to mark him down as a Duke. The Emperor's court advisor ran the numbers and believes that if he hadn't succeeded as well as he had, we would have lost most of Kanagawa, Yamanashi, Yokohama, and parts of Tokyo, Chiba, and Shizuoka."

"Duke Ikari?" Jiaxin grinned as she tapped out a text message on her phone, "I'm sure he'll just love that."

"His Grace, The Duke of Chūbu," Nanako sighed. "He's going to outrank Suzuka-san, and if we're not careful the Emperor will formally adopt him and declare his blood sovereign. We need to stake our claim to him now, before His Majesty shuts everyone out."

"This from the woman that insisted he be allowed to take his time?" Hanging up the phone, the Xu matriarch set it down firmly, disappointed in the answer she'd received, "There's nothing saying he can't be affiliated with us and directly serve the Emperor himself. Besides, his blood _is_ sovereign. It's a distant relation, but his mother's family has a line upwards. It's why that bastard changed his name, and not the reverse."

"It's for his benefit that we claim him and stop this from going much further," Nanako chided the other woman with a scowl. "He hates this stuff, even with how good at it he is. He'd rather just be 'Shinji', and you know it."

"I'd rather be in bed with my husband trying to break his back," the restauranteur snorted. "We don't get what we want out of life, we get what we get and we deal with it. He's old enough to marry, he's old enough to do what's best for everyone. Having someone like him in the peerage? Using his clout to silence the grifters, charlatans, and toadies? He'll lead us into a new Golden Age. But," she resumed flipping through her book, "only if we can dress him by tomorrow."

+++++ 11th Angel + 0: Wednesday (69)

With a strangled gasp, Hikari came shivering back to consciousness in the bed within 'Shinji's Lovely Medical Suite'. The Class Rep had a moment of panic, as the last thing she could remember clearly was standing there listening to Maya describe Shinji's disagreement with two alien beings capable of erasing life on Earth. Now that she was safely tucked into a surprisingly comfortable bed, the sense of disassociation that followed the more vivid bouts of oracular visions was that much more jarring.

"Shh, shh, shh," Kodama lightly brushed Hikari's hair from her face, helping her lay back, "it's ok, Hiki, I got you, it's ok."

"K-Kodama?" Hikari blinked rapidly, twitching between clasping onto her older sister's hand and shuffling away, "Why…where is Shinji, where's Maya?"

"Steady," Kodama made a soothing motion. "You had a bit of a _dizzy spell_ ," she emphasized the last two words as their secret public way of saying that they'd seen beyond the limits of normal human vision, "Shinji went to go clear his head. Maya's outside organizing the…well, they call themselves 'Sea Bees'. They're with a few people that have specialized equipment, and it looks like they're preparing to tear stuff apart in here."

Drawing her bearing about her like a cloak, the freckle-faced beauty took a deep breath, and then another, "He…is he ok?"

The busty nurse nodded, "He's fine. Maya says he's spun up after fighting that Angel in the Engineering bays today, and I'd agree with her assessment. In his mind, it's all combat all the time. That's not healthy, and it doesn't shock me that he had to take a walk. Having you faint, carrying you here and knowing there was nothing he could do? He needed some air."

"I'm not concerned about him not being here," Hikari waved the idea off. "We…were talking about uncomfortable things, things got heated between…regarding some people we recently met. So long as he's fine, I'll ask him later what I missed." She moved to stand, glaring as Kodama pushed her firmly back into place, "I need to-"

"You need to sit down and hear me out," Kodama stated with more calm than she felt. "We've been dancing around each other since the Angel before this one, and after three days of it I still haven't had five minutes with you where I've had a chance to talk instead of stalk about like two wet cats." Holding herself loose, she refused to allow herself to become angered, "I hear that you are signing the paperwork tomorrow."

Her response went through several revisions before it came out, her eyes flat and her tone even, "We are."

"I'm glad," the eldest living Horaki smiled with genuine pleasure. "Now and forever, my little sister will have two wonderful people who will be there to take care of her no matter what. I couldn't ask for a better match for you than either of them alone, together? I'm…I'm very glad. I really have no other way to describe it without gushing, I'm just glad."

"…Thank you," setting her hands in her lap, Hikari let the words stand on their own.

"I asked, and Nanako-san tells me that she's arranging for your dress, as well as Maya's. She was a little cagey about saying anything regarding what Shinji would wear, which makes me nervous that he's going to be asked to attend whatever ceremony you're having in his plugsuit." Giggling, she shook her head, "While I could appreciate the view, I'd be appalled at the embarrassment that would force on him."

The Class Rep in Hikari settled unconsciously back some to allow the Middle Child to explore the conversation, "She…said that Xu-san was working on solving that problem, when I last spoke to her during the lockdown."

"Well, if she says it'll happen I'd bet my paycheck on it," Kodama rubbed her hands. "He'll look fantastic, no matter what he wears. What order do you three think you'll stand in? From left to right, I mean."

Catching herself, Hikari closed her mouth and changed what she said next, "Why?"

"Well, if you're going to be on his right, facing the audience, I want to be on that side. The other way around, if needed. I'm attending to support your big day." Kodama shrugged with a grin, "I mean, I like Maya, don't get me wrong, but I'm kind of there to see my baby sister outshine all the jealous women in the audience with her beauty, grace, and choice in life partners. The Sprout and I should be able to help Sakura-chan into place so she can watch too, it'll be great. She's really excited to see you in your dress."

"No," Hikari's eyes grew hard again. " _Why_?"

Her grin stayed firmly in place, "Because I love him. I love him in ways that I can't possibly describe to anyone else, not even you. I love him so much that I was willing to set everything and everyone else aside for a chance to convince him how much I love him. I love him so much that when he told me I needed to improve myself before he'd even consider allowing me to tell him that I love him, I made it my life's work. I told him, once, that had your and my ages been reversed? Had I fallen off a ladder and landed in his arms-"

Hikari growled, "I would have been shoved into the cold, I know."

Kodama's eyes flashed hot, "No." Her jaw twitched, the anger begging to be allowed to surface. After a few seconds, she mastered herself and began again, "I told him that you would have helped him and I settle down. You would have calmly claimed your place in his heart, and the three of us wouldn't have the problems we do. I said that because I know that _I_ am the reason everything fell apart. I am not half as mature as you are, Hiki. In every way I've tried to be for you what Mom was for me, I've failed you."

Her heart seemed to stop in her chest, "I…you…."

"I pushed him. Not _forward_ , but towards me. You pushed him forwards. If that meant into someone else's arms, and that was what he wanted…you wouldn't stand in his way. I smothered him, you nurtured him. I saw a man, you saw…you saw a spirit made flesh. Yes, you're easily made jealous." Kodama sat up proudly, "You're a Horaki, and we're not quiet about what belongs to us." The pride in her bearing changed, Hikari becoming its sole target, "In two months, Hiki, you helped him become what we all need. I am so damn proud of you it hurts…and tomorrow I get to watch you claim your due."

"I…I'm not that good," Hikari seemed to deflate slightly.

"That's his line," Kodama leaned forward and pulled her sister into a warm embrace. "And just like we say to him, every time he tries to beat himself up for being human, I think you're being too hard on yourself. You ask me why I did what I did, I did it because I wanted to give you space to be his wife. I want to be in his life, as a lover, as a concubine…if necessary as an escape hatch. I couldn't do any of that…while standing beneath his Lady of Eternal Light."

She felt her eyes moisten, becoming itchy as she tried not to cry. She had been so angry, felt so betrayed, abandoned. All her life she wanted to shine brighter than the woman fate had decreed be born first, thinking that she'd never match up. And now? Now she just wanted that woman to go back to sitting in her room, offering life advice. Sitting at the table and teasing her with that happy grin she had. "Come home, Koko." Clutching tighter, Hikari heard her voice begin to break, "I-I'll sh-shine a little l-less b-bright i-if-"

"No," Kodama said soothingly. "Shine brighter, Hiki. Shine so bright that he'll never lose sight of you." Running her hand along her baby sister's hair, she smiled with tears in her own eyes, "I'll find my place in his heart. When I do, it'll be all mine. But I never wanted what was yours, and I won't let you give away what I haven't earned."

Outside of the room, unseen by either party, Maya had the door open enough to hear what had been said. Running a thumb under her eye to scoop up the lone tear that had escaped, she turned and faced the rough and ready team of Naval personnel Shinji trusted to do a thorough job without being under Kozo or Gendo's thumb, "Another five minutes, gentlemen. Sister talk."

"Aye ma'am," the Master Chief in charge of the group nodded. "We're in no hurry. Paladin's wives get the time they need."

+++++ 11th Angel + 1: Thursday (70)

"October Sixth," Shinji stood on the bridge, staring down at Units -00, -01, and -02. "There really isn't anything to use as a mnemonic to tie this to our anniversary." With Hikari, Maya, and Kodama 'in hiding' before his wedding, the younger girls asleep, and nothing pressing happening that he could assist with, he was left to his own devices to entertain himself without causing serious problems for the security staff. "Hmph," he grunted, _What little good they can do for me specifically._

The stray thought reminded him that he'd banished Nyx and Dark for the day, leaving him alone for the first time with his own mind in some time. _I'm almost never alone anymore. If you can call standing in a room with ten other people 'alone'._ Walking over to the hatch that would take him down to the gantries, he lifted the thirty-centimeter thick trapdoor without using the hydraulic assist, setting it back gently and sliding down the ladder. _All of this effort to protect me, when I'm the one least likely to be attacked now. He'll go after Nozomi, or Sakura. The soft targets, trying to get in my head._

Tactical information, strategies, planning, everything that his guards were worried about floated about him. Their knowledge was his, but not their thoughts. He was left to piece together what they thought from their stances, their actions, their looks. Whereas their edginess would be attributed to worry that they might not be able to defend him to a rational mind, Shinji's mind instead twisted it into their feeling like they were wasting their time.

By nature of the position of the enormous machines of war, Shinji came upon Unit-02 first. Standing near the four-eyed head, he reached out and gently touched its face, _I'm sorry I haven't visited again, ma'am. Things have gone so far beyond what I thought might happen…I wish I could tell you how much it hurts me that Asuka's beating herself up, that Misato's taking things out on her that aren't her fault. She says she wants me to let her be her. She says she wants to stop me from dying. She wants to know what I'm worried about, why I'm nervous around her. Closer friends. Stay away. She's always been so…so contradictory! It's like she wants me close but is kicking me away because she's afraid I'll actually get close to her! It's always anger with her…._ He let his hand drop, looking back down the gantries towards the main base. _Then again…._ Changing his direction of travel, he moved purposefully towards the barracks. He'd only been there once or twice, usually on his way through to somewhere else, and so he relied on intuition to guide him. The less happy his guards felt, the closer he likely was to where he wanted to be.

Eventually, when he rounded a corner and saw Paola standing with her arms crossed blocking off a corridor, he knew he'd struck pay dirt, "Careful, Paola-san. Sometimes people have to move through here in a hurry, standing in the middle is dangerous." Without hesitation, he moved to the right to go around her. When she countered by stepping to her left, he used his inhuman speed and flowed around her on the now-open opposite side.

The woman spun and reached for him, "You-"

"Will become exceptionally angry with everyone if you try to stop me from visiting my friend? Why yes, Aunty," he waved back over his shoulder. "I'm glad we understand each other." Checking the nameplates, he found the door he was searching for and sensed Asuka's song within. _She's still awake. I'd say 'Good' considering I'm here to visit, but she should be sleeping._ Pressing the call button, he leaned his shoulder against the doorframe with his hands shoved in his pockets. _I don't want to seem aggressive. I'm not really mad at her, I'm just irritated._

The door slid open and an angry German-American-Japanese redhead appeared glowering at where someone's eyes would be at 'normal person' height, "I thought I," she blinked, looking further up and seeing who it was, "…No."

"We can argue over who's more annoyed later," taking charge of the situation he offered his arm. "I want to go for a walk outside, you're still awake. I can make it an order, if you'd prefer, but I'd really like it if my friend came and talked to me about what's bugging her so that I could talk to her about what's bugging me."

He could feel her spinning up, "Shinji-"

He let his own fury flow outwards, smothering the entire hallway, "I'm getting married in less than twelve hours. I've been awake and out of surgery for more than a day and a half. You didn't come see me once, according to the Corpsmen." He saw her eyes widen slightly, and leaned in, "The funny thing is, neither did Rei. You know, not once in all of what happened with the Tenth Angel did I blame either of you. And yet, here we are. I had to get shot at to trick Misato into bringing Rei to see me so I could make sure she's ok. I tried waiting, like you asked me to, and you didn't come. Are we not actually friends? I wasn't kidding when I said I love, present tense, you, Asuka. Does that mean nothing?"

"How was I supposed to know you wanted to see me?" She crossed her arms, assuming the classic defensive posture he recognized from long months of living in close proximity to her, "You didn't call. You didn't text. Nothing. For all I knew, you were pissed off that I dropped the ball!"

Fishing out his phone as he heard the lie in her song, he brought up his text messages, reading them aloud, "From a day ago, 'Hey Asuka, I'm up finally. I'm sorry that I can't come down right now, but after two days in bed I likely smell like an open grave. Let me know if you're ok.' From later that day, 'I'm going to be up top with people shooting at me. I'll take a break, we can talk about anything. Maybe catch up with Rei'." When she went to speak, he held up his finger, "Then today, 'I'm sorry we didn't get to catch each other, I understand you're still probably pissed about that stupid hole in the ground. I think Misato's being far too hard on you, we don't have accurate topographic maps before missions, let alone in the saddle, and she knows that. I was hoping we might chat today, I…saw some stuff. It's not great. Anyway, I hope you're doing ok. Let me know, I worry'." Twirling his phone around so she could see it, he offered it to her without hesitation, "Check the MAGI stamp, if you don't believe me."

"I must have left my phone turned off," she growled, her anger at being caught in a lie about her own actions now growing higher on the list of reasons to be mad. "I'm confined to base, until further notice."

"Well, it's a good thing I am too," pocketing his phone he offered her his arm again, "because that means we can go walk around the track and scream at the way that life hates anyone and everyone who's ever climbed in an Eva and not have to worry about classified material being leaked."

Pulling the long shirt she wore over her shorts down angrily, she glowered, "I told you I'm not a nice person when I'm angry, Shinji. I don't want to take my petty bullshit out on you. Just let me-"

"Right, decision's been made." Bending down, he hefted her over her shoulder like a sack of rice, "Paola-san grab some socks and shoes for her. We'll meet you at the track."

Too shocked to physically struggle, the redhead just blinked in astonishment as she realized that he had her well and truly cornered as he flowed rapidly down the hallway with her captive. "You put me down, right now!"

"Shan't." He stooped to carefully move into the elevator without striking her against anything. Looking down at the young tech that was riding the car before it stopped on his floor, he pointed up, "Ground floor, please. Thank you."

"Y-yes sir," the woman gawked at him and Asuka as she hammered the button.

"Shinji Ikari, you," she cut off as he hefted her forward to look at him eye to eye. The way his two-toned eyes locked onto hers, even as his hand cradled her gently despite firmly stopping her from going anywhere, reminded her that an enormous mountain of a man was also an _angry_ enormous mountain of a man. "…Shouldn't carry a lady like that."

Tilting his head, he nodded, "My apologies." Providing her a perch, much as he had for Maya and Hikari, he kept his other hand around hers so that she couldn't escape, "I forgot my manners." When the elevator reached their destination, he dipped his shoulders to the technician in a half-bow, "Pardon us, please." Striding down the hall with Asuka sitting on his arm at a ninety-degree angle, he lowered his voice, "Whatever happened, Asuka…I swear I do not blame you. I don't blame anybody."

She huffed, turning her head to stare somewhere else, "You're probably the only one that doesn't blame me."

"Well, I'm borrowing a line from someone here, but does anyone else's opinion really matter? I know you tried your best, and that's all I care about." Shifting her, he set her up on his shoulder like Dark or Nyx preferred to ride, somehow feeling that was more fitting, "I'm standing, they're not, everything else isn't worth getting torn up about." Laying his hand across her thighs, he held her in place, "I'm just happy neither of you were hurt. That whole mission was pure luck, and we somehow survived."

She bopped him on the head with the butt of her fist, "Would you make up your mind where I'm sitting?"

"I like you where you are," he snorted. "I'd like it better if we had someplace to sit and talk, where it didn't feel like we were surrounded, rushed, and both barely clinging to civility. But I get what I get, and you're here where I asked you to be, so let's have it out."

"Have it out?" She frowned down at him, though he remained looking out at the world as he carried her around the track, "Shinji, I'm not mad at you. I'm mad at me. At Misato. At the Angels. At Unit-02. I'm mad at the fact that it's Wednesday!"

"It's Thursday," he corrected. "October Sixth. It'll be my anniversary from now on." Running his thumb along her leg, he grumbled, "And I'm going to be angry all day. At this 'Perfume', at how they've treated you, how they've treated Rei, at Toji Suzuhara…the list goes on."

Asuka found herself calming down, despite wanting to be angrier, "Who's Suzuhara? …Wait, isn't that the other little girl's name? The one who was attacked in the hospital?"

"Her brother," Shinji nodded. "It's a long story."

"Well, I'm not going anywhere," she shrugged, hesitating for a moment before combing her fingers through his hair. "Hit me. What'd he do?"

"Acted like a damn idiot," he rumbled. Haltingly, he told the story from this timeline as he strolled around the track. How they'd 'met', how Shinji'd been the misplaced target of his ire, how Hikari was someone the young jock had been interested in but could never bring himself to actually ask out. Then came the grocery store, which was the final punch on his train ticket to wherever he was now. "Tried to headbutt me. Hikari…well, she put the hurt on him. I just let it go. That's something I regret, honestly."

"It's perfectly fitting with your personality, though." Her song spoke of tranquility, now. The raging bonfire had become a warming beacon once again, "You don't like hurting anyone, you hate it when people hurt even when it's not your fault." Rubbing the hand not busy with his hair against his shoulder, she smiled and kicked her feet a bit, "It's why I like you. You're not all muscle and testosterone. You've got a brain, and a heart, and you use both."

"Still," he couldn't truthfully disagree, "Toji grabbed her. I stood there while he manhandled someone I should have fought to protect."

"Bah," Asuka snorted. "Hikari is not some wilting lily, mein Freund. That one has a fire, and I'm certain that she'd rather you stay the gentle person you are. If he was seriously threatening her, you'd step in. But for something like you're describing? No. She doesn't want you to get into a dick-measuring contest, and you shouldn't treat her like she's incapable. You two have a good dynamic going on, stick with it."

"As usual," he smiled up to her, "you're right. I guess I'm just…I don't know, I'm viewing my past through my present. I see all the mistakes I made that led here."

"And you're ignoring all the correct actions that helped you survive," she nodded. "I do the same. Get in my own head, yell at myself. 'Stupid, worthless, weak!' I'm not strong enough, I'm not good enough, everybody's laughing at me…." Hugging his head close, she sighed, "I even hate that you were right."

"About?" He'd had his turn, now it was hers.

"…Promise not to tell anyone?"

"I won't lie, if Hikari or Maya asks me directly," he hedged.

"No, no. I know you won't. But they won't ask, so it's not a big deal." Sitting back upright, she set her feet to swinging, her hands to toying with his hair, "I feel great, right now. I didn't want to come out here, I didn't want to see you, I didn't want to leave my studying…but now that I'm out here, now that I'm riding on the shoulder of a man about to be married…I feel great. I feel like my mind is quieting down, the voice telling me I'm worthless is gone. I could stay like this for hours, I want to stay like this forever…." Her voice dropped, "I want this. And I know I can't have it."

"That's where you're wrong," he tilted his head so that it rested against her side. "I'm getting married, Asuka, not dying. Hikari and Maya know that I want to be better friends with you, and with Rei. They know that I want to build up a positive relationship. They're not threatened by you being female, or worried that I'll fall in love with someone else." He laughed, "They know I love people other than them, they _like_ that I love people other than them. Love doesn't mean…it doesn't mean that you have to start having sex with other people, you said that yourself at dinner. I love Noelle, she and I have slept in the same bed repeatedly without having sex. So whenever you want to take a walk around the campus, the city, wherever? Please, call me. Let me be the kind of man you think I am."

"Would you really just drop your wives to come rescue me from my own head?" Tugging lightly on a fistful of his hair, she made him look up at her, "Don't you have a commitment to them, first and foremost?"

He tried to puzzle out what she was thinking, her face the mask that she always wore when she had him pinned by a question that had only one correct answer. The problem he had, now as then, was he never knew what that answer was. "If we're going by priority, I have a commitment to defending mankind first and foremost. Everything has to come second to keeping people alive. But if they're going to demand that I not help the woman that helped me keep mankind alive, are they honestly the women I should be marrying? I don't think they'll mind me balancing everything, so long as I don't ignore their needs to bolster everyone else."

"And what if I need more?" The hand that wasn't wrapped in his hair trailed along his throat, "What if, after countless walks, you need more?" Both questions came with a light glow from behind her cerulean orbs, "What then?"

 _I'm sorry, Shinji but-_ Dark's voice stopped as she hovered a comfortable distance from him, _Shinji, you need to be extremely careful. That is not what you think it is._

Keeping his head where it was took an effort, the instinctive desire to look at the person he was speaking to slamming against the need to not tip his hand to Asuka, _Dark, I thought I told you-_

 _When my partner is standing next to an energy signature that can't be generated by anything_ but _something filled with trouble? Yeah, I'm going to go against his demands. I told you, my species partners for life. Now…please, very carefully set her down._ Dark's voice carried the desperation of a woman watching someone they cared deeply for stand on the edge of a high rooftop, _I'll explain later, I swear by the waters of my forebears, just…carefully._

Reaching up with one hand that dwarfed both of her own, Shinji plucked Asuka's hand from his throat and picked her up from his shoulder to hold before him, "Then at that point, we'll talk to those that I love and have a long conversation. I won't leave doors closed without knowing why they were closed. I am not a fortune teller, Two. All I know is, you're important to me. We've seen things, we've done things, and I won't let you hurt yourself…not anymore."

Two hands shot out and pulled him into a kiss, her lips smashing against his with a desperate hunger. Pulling his hair to gain leverage, she forced her tongue between his teeth in an effort to deepen their physical connection.

Shock struck him first, as this was nothing like the 'kiss' that she'd given him during their time living in his previous life. That was tentative, almost chaste in its naïve fumbling towards adulthood. Whatever this was that she was trying, it demanded capitulation. He could feel the songs of his guardians, who'd grudgingly kept their distance, become filled with fear, anxiety, and anger. Through his connection to Dark, he felt her fill with dread. _Whatever this is, it's not right._

Gently pulling her away, a simple task for his strength, he tried to maintain his calm, "Asuka…what was that?"

"A kiss," she smiled, her emotions all over the map, her face full of chaos. "I'm sure you've given one or two to Hikari, silly."

"Well, yes." Lowering her to the ground, he dropped to a single knee to keep himself from looming over her, "But I'm not sure why I suddenly deserved one from you. You don't have to push yourself to do something like that, I know you're not comfortable with it." _Dark, what's going on?_

Her emotional confusion remained unpredictably chaotic as the foreign beauty reached out and stroked his cheek, "Didn't you like it?"

Dark whispered tersely, _Don't set her off, Shinji. Like you said earlier, she's a bomb, you're holding the detonator. Ease her down._

"I'm afraid I'm not very good at it, never been a skill I have. You know how I am," taking both of her hands, he took a breath. "I give people joy, when I'm on the receiving end I get a little confused." _Shamshel?_

 _I'm not enamored with you calling them out at all, but in this instance…yes. Use that one._ Dark worked her way around so that she could see Asuka's face, _Nowish._

Without waiting longer, he summoned the Song of Morning. Shamshel, majestically descending after fading into being nearby, seemed confused as it considered Asuka. Reaching out with a single tendril, it wrapped Shinji's crown in glowing light, _Great One. This._ PAIN. The second tendril swirled around the redhead's upper body, _Disorder/Chaos. Incomplete._

Speaking in his mind while singing was becoming easier, and he could see the Song washing over Asuka and soothing the random emotional confusion, _Do what you can, my Child. Please. This person is important to me._

 _I/We. Obey._ Shamshel gingerly wrapped the second tendril around Asuka's head and…pulsed. Seeming to draw strength from the metaphysical connection it shared with Shinji, the Aspect of Daytime pushed its powers far beyond what it normally used. The choral composition rang from horizon to horizon, drowning out the sounds of nature, of NERV employees moving about, of the nearby trains and traffic. Audible light pushed aside everything that was not _Hope_ , leaving nothing untouched by its golden grace.

As the song ended, Asuka fainted. A puppet with its strings cut. It was a simple matter for Shinji to catch her, especially with Shamshel slowing her fall. _Thank you, my Child. Even if this doesn't work, I appreciate that you gave it your all._

 _I/We. Fight/Struggle. Together/As one._ Shamshel seemed to glow with joy, _Great One. Enjoy/Celebrate. Day._ With that, it slipped between realities and re-entered Shinji's soul.

"Ok, Tesoro," Paola stood by him, having rushed over as soon as Asuka dropped limply into his arms. "I'm going to pretend I didn't see anything, you're going to pretend you are listening to me. We are both very good at pretending, sì?" Pointing to two larger lady guards, she gave him a pleading look, "Let the nice donne take her back to her room. You and I will forget all of this happened, everyone will come out ahead."

Carefully handing over his comrade, Shinji had to accept that he'd pushed them all fairly hard in his anger. He'd done his bit, she'd be looked after, he had no doubt. Leaving it with a simple request, "Make sure she's ok, don't just leave her alone," he stepped back and received a nod from each woman. "Thank you." _Dark, start talking._ "I'm going to take a jog, ok?" He looked to his guard, "Just around the track. Won't leave it."

"First," she reached out and held his sleeve lightly. "Why?"

Answering the question he hoped she was asking, he shrugged, "Because she was hurting too, and she understands anger. The two of us could, and in a way did, help the other. I needed someone to vent to, she needed someone to remind her that she's not alone. We got interrupted by…something. That's why I'm going for a jog."

The Adriatic beauty nodded, slowly, "And the kiss?"

"Her idea, Paola, not mine. I was trying to look at her directly while I answered a question that I felt deserved face-to-face discussions," his jaw ached from him clenching it. "Are you accusing me of something?"

"No, Tesoro. Never. But tongues will wag, and now I have three other people who've heard you speak with authority on the issue. We watch out for your image, because the world will seek to slather it in mud." Stepping forward, she embraced him, "Please, be more careful. You do not know what is in her past, and until she tells you…you are walking a dangerous path."

"I'm always on a dangerous path." Freeing himself, he turned away to begin his jog, "I haven't been safe once in my entire life. Why start trying now?" Breaking into a 'jog', which for most people translated to a desperate sprint from an enraged predator, he felt Dark's presence easily keeping pace, _I'm listening._

The rose-skinned captain began by defending herself and her actions, _I was keeping an eye on your signal, simple stuff, nothing invasive, and I noticed a spike that didn't seem right. It's not that I was purposefully stalking you-_

 _I don't care if you monitor me, Dark. I'm always under a microscope. NERV, SEELE, Nyx…you? What difference does one more set of unblinking eyes make._ Moving faster as he went to pass his guards, he tried to use speed to force his anger out of his mind, _Get to the point. What is wrong with Asuka?_

 _Shinji, I'm not 'monitoring' you._ Moving before him, she flew backwards as he ran, _I'm making sure that stuff like this doesn't go unnoticed. You're my partner! You accepted my bond! After that nonsense with Ireul, I thought you'd appreciate someone making sure that we don't have another Human-Angel hybrid ruin your bonding ceremony._

Letting his head hang, he pushed even harder, _I…I know. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped at you._

Drifting behind him, she took up her traditional place on his shoulder, playing with his hair much as Asuka had, _It's ok. I'm sorry that your life is this much of a mess. You deserve better. Now, as for the girl. The signal she's emitting doesn't make sense, it shouldn't be possible, and I'm running a series of diagnostics to filter out possible contamination. Signal, not physical, I'm not saying she's contaminated._

The way his partner jumped on the potential misstep caused him to snort out a laugh, _It's ok, I understand the concept of signal deconfliction. Shigeru-san on the bridge spends a lot of his time making sure we can maintain communication without the Angel's waveform interfering. What is it you think you see?_

Dark's voice drifted towards pensive, _Do you remember what Hikari called the group of people in her vision? The ones that…that attacked you?_

 _The Scions?_ He nodded, _Yeah. Suzuka says we shouldn't put too much stock in their visions, though. That the future is far too changeable to have absolute certainty. I'm not going to hold a potential future against you, Dark. I mean, I could reach up and grope you right now. You know I won't, but I could. That potential future won't become an actual future because I respect you too much._

From his position, he couldn't see the blush spread across her cheeks. _Well, that's…uhm…. A-anyway, the Scions. They're essentially the 'Church'. They worship the Judges, as you would call them, as divinities. Sending them to a planet is only done on the order of at least four judges, making a majority of the seven. It's not done very often, and only when not sending them would lead to no other choice but purging the planet of life._

Shinji didn't like the concept already, _So it's like…what did Sensei call that…._ He searched his memory for a second, _Crusaders? No, the Inquisition. There was a period in Europe where religion was spread by force. By torture. You're telling me you have a church that forces their beliefs down people's throats and you're ok with it?_

 _I'm not ok with it!_ She pushed his head, _I know they're not gods. Don't put words in my mouth._

 _Then why don't you…I don't know, stop them?_ He frowned, _Because you can't…I can't stop us from deploying the Evas. I can't stop the Commander from asking the First Fleet for aid. Damn it._ Shaking his head, he waved the topic away, _That's not what's important right now. What is happening with Asuka, and why are these Scions involved?_

Dark seemed torn between defending her point and allowing Shinji to keep them on topic, _It's the signature they use to mark their dead. I don't know how it would have become attached to her, and I hadn't even noticed it until your own broadcast settled her waveform. She's a bundle of crazy on a good day, and it seems to scramble everything around her. Put her next to you and your big blue wave? She calms right down. Docile as a newborn._

His hair shook as he snorted, _There are a number of words I'd use for Asuka, Dark. 'Docile' is not one of them._

 _Not her, her waveform._ Swirling a finger before him, she set the image of a sine wave floating before him, _This is you. Big, steady, blue. I could set the machinery on my ship to this beast. Even at your angriest, this remains like it is right here._ Snapping her fingers, she inset another wave, _This mess could give the stochastic probability generators on my ship a solid run for their money._

Shinji watched the two for a time, _That's Asuka?_

 _It is,_ snapping again, she seemed to cause them to interact. _You see, here, the two collide. Normally when two waveforms interact, there's either rejection or cohabitation. Rejection ends poorly for the weaker waveform, and cohabitation takes any number of forms itself. But you,_ [Static], _your waveform does not mess around. It doesn't just cohabitate with other waveforms, it facilitates them. If they're naturally energetic, they stay naturally energetic but in a way that doesn't create harmful interactions with other waveforms in your area. To put it in a way you might prefer, you're like a conductor for an orchestra. You set the pieces moving in time with each other, and music comes out._

 _I lost you for a second there,_ he nodded that he understood her description. _It did that static thing again between 'But you' and 'your'. I'm sorry, I might not have that word._

 _That…yeah, uh…moving on,_ she snapped again to generate two examples of the same two waveforms colliding, her voice seemingly embarrassed. _Here's why this is important. When you were angry, her anger reacted to that. This one on the left,_ the two waveforms interacted and Asuka's became more controlled, _is from the house when she visited for dinner. She was angry, you were afraid, but willing to face your fear. Her anger bounced every which way, but ultimately became controllable by her. You and her talked, she settled, things moved on. This one on the right,_ that pair of lines interacted, _is from today._

He watched as Asuka's waveform smashed into his, and inverted. Gone without a delay was the standard anger, and in its place was, _Wait…if she wasn't angry anymore…. Dark, what happened? You said that my waveform left other people's basic state intact. Energetic people stay energetic. That means Asuka should still be Asuka._

 _And that's what drew my attention!_ She clapped, happy that he was keeping up, _Excellently done,_ [static]. _So, do you see why I came down after that?_

Watching closely, he saw a spike in Asuka's waveform that broke up the random nature of it. _It's…._ He began to snap his finger in time with its appearance, his natural sense of rhythm and timing picking up on the beat, _It's perfect. That's…it seems to be a two-four, I want to say sixty beats per minute? It's perfectly regular. That sticks out like a double bass in a row of violins, you couldn't possibly hide this. How didn't it get noticed?_

 _Look over here,_ she pointed to the first pair of waveforms. _You tell me, in amongst that mess, that you would think it was anything other than background noise. I'm not here to monitor her, and once I recognized that it was this bundle of nonsense I let it go. This,_ she pointed back to the one on the right, _absolutely. With a waveform that's closer to normal, you can see the signal. If she were as powerful as you, you might even be able to detect this over interstellar noise. But whatever caused this, it's like it wanted it hidden._

Shinji slowed to a stop, standing away from everyone else, _Ok. Why?_

 _I don't know_ what _, there's no way I'm going to guess at_ why _until I know for certain what I'm looking at. I swear, I will let you know what I know when I know it. This is your subordinate we're talking about, I will not hide anything._ Dropping down, she stood in mid-air and faced him, _Partners. I broke against what you told me you wanted me to do with good reason, because I wasn't going to hide this. Please, trust me to investigate. If someone broke the UP3…I really don't want to go down that road._

 _If one of your people-_

 _They are_ not _my people. The Scions are their own organization and have nothing to do with us._ Reaching out, she set her hand on his chest, _Shinji, I promise you…wherever this leads, I'll talk to you about it. Gentle destroyed your trust in outsiders, I know this. I'm doing everything I can…._

Sighing in frustration, Shinji hooked her into a hug that made it look like he was just scrubbing his hands through his hair, _I know. I'm sorry. Thank you for bringing this to me. I'm just angry, frustrated…this has all gone out of control so quickly._

Slender arms wrapped around his neck, _We'll make it. You've made enormous strides in a short time, started being the kind of man I saw you capable of being! I won't abandon you, I swear. You can get angry, I don't mind. It's just your way of dealing with people hurting people._ A press of her lips to his temple and she phased through his arms to tap her fist to the side of her head, _I better leave before Nyx notices and complains._ With a final cute wave, she vanished from sight.

Once again standing alone, Shinji let his arms drop. Looking around at the horizon, his mind began to wander down the darker paths it once was accustomed to. Each person in his life now had something against another. It wasn't 'camps', where there was a single dividing issue that split his friends, family, and otherwise neatly. Even telling Misato that what had happened with Suzuka was an unfortunate accident that tied into the over four hundred year old swordswoman's own secrets was a stalling tactic. He was being hemmed in as more and more of the universe seemed to focus on him. _What do I do?_

+++++ 11th Angel + 1: Thursday (70)

The Public Announcement system sounded loud as Shinji waited alone in the room set aside for his meeting with the Imperial Princess, "…I repeat, this afternoon all non-essential personnel are invited to tune into Channel Zero Zero One to watch…."

 _Sign some papers. One official. Nothing big._ He smiled hopelessly as he thought about everything he'd been told over the course of the morning, _A ceremony. An Imperial Princess. A fly-by. The Command Staff from the First Fleet. Politicians. Speeches. Gifts. Three cakes. You know,_ he sighed and let his head thump repeatedly against the wall behind him, _small._ Standing as he heard the door open, he tried to push his discontent away.

Without pomp or ceremony, Suzuka escorted the elderly woman he recognized from his ascent to the peerage into the room. Standing outside of the room were several guards, feeling at ease with the security that had been established, and several servants, feeling ill-at-ease as the woman they were meant to be serving had clearly told them that they were not required for what followed. When the click of the door lock engaging reached her ears, she smiled gently, "Hello, dear brother."

"Good morning, your Imperial Highness," bowing with both great respect and the humility he felt at being in the presence of someone who could see to the heart of his being with such ease, Shinji let go of his own concerns for the moment. There was duty and obligation to be met, and he would not be found wanting. To do otherwise would reflect poorly on all of the people that he was acting as a representative for to the Imperial Throne.

Suzuka stifled a laugh, _Stand up, Your Grace. We're all going to be speaking with less formality in here. You're embarrassing her._ When he shot upright, she too had a gentle smile on her face, "It's rare that anyone ascends so high, so fast. Your rank will be increasing as rapidly as your head just did, I hear."

"Suzuka, dear, please do not tease him so. At least not where We can hear your words," gliding over with the grace that comes from a lifetime of training, she embraced Shinji warmly. "We are overjoyed at your continued good health, dear brother."

Holding her as if she were made of the finest porcelain, he tried to hug her without hurting her, "It is good to see you again…uhm…Ma'am?" _She knows we can speak like this?_

"She is to be your sister," Suzuka kept her voice even, though her eyes danced with merriment. "It is perfectly acceptable to refer to her as such." _She told me she knew before I said word one. She is far more well informed than you think. She is to be trusted, though._

"How you put up with her, dear brother, is a mystery to me at times," the Princess rolled her eyes in a surprising display of common humor. "When she was brought to Our attention, many years past, she was as lost as you. Do not allow her to fool you into thinking otherwise."

"Which is why I feel comfortable in teasing him," Suzuka shrugged with a much broader smile. "One day, he too will have the pleasure of teasing someone as he watches them ascend higher."

"We may only hope." Shinji could see that the Princess meant the statement far more than as a simple wish, "Dear brother, We are dreadfully sorry that We must ask that you endure this day. His Imperial Majesty would not hear of anything less than what will be done, and it was only through Our intervention as well as the Imperial Advisor that you were spared further embellishments." Stepping back, she took his hands and sighed, "To be truthful, We wish that there could be such a grand ceremony. Our children would love nothing more than to observe a full ceremony for the Hero of Tokyo-3. But, wishes are simply that."

"I know that well," Shinji nodded with a simple grin. "I've often wished that the Angels would go away. We…both know how that went."

"Well, unless he can fly I know of at least one foe that will have a difficult time getting into our country," Suzuka shrugged, approaching the pair. "The Commander of the JSSDF has been…retired. His service during the recent attacks has been trying on his health, and it was decided that a new perspective might be necessary so that the nation does not suffer during a crisis."

His brow wrinkled as he tried to understand why that would help, remembering suddenly that Perfume was likely to return, "So…wait, they're closing the borders?"

"The first order General Mishima gave was that every available Soldier, Sailor, Airman, and Marine tune in to your wedding. The second was that the entire nation be sealed. Working in concert with the First, they will provide unblinking observation of the seas around us, the skies, and every possible landing spot will be scoured constantly until the threat is ended." The swordswoman gestured to the Princess, "A gift."

"We will not suffer an attack on Our family, dear brother." The woman's eyes had gone hard, "Scoundrels may seek to undermine you, but they will find no quarter in the lands of Yamato. No longer will We sit idle while self-serving bureaucrats waste your efforts. Our Brother has become inspired, and has bent all of His considerable will towards steering Our children on the road to your aid."

"The Diet, the Prime Minister, her cabinet," Suzuka tilted her head, "it has taken considerable effort but we now stand unified. For the first time in a very, very long time…we are unified."

"Every manufacturer in Our lands has been directed to turn its eye in the direction of the task of arming your protectors. No idea shall be considered unfeasible, no resource too valuable. The data gathered by your people has been given in confidence to those who can be trusted. They will work ceaselessly so that you may remain focused on larger threats." The Princess settled her hand on his chest, "We have quietly purged Our nation of the blackguards that infested it. With the help of…an unlikely source." She looked to Suzuka, her disquiet obvious.

Suzuka's smile faded, "It seems your father has not been quietly accepting defeat and has turned his considerable talents for manipulation to destroying your enemies." Running her thumb along the pommel of her sword, she let her own unease show, "I understand why you harbor no love for the man, nor should any blame you for such, but I have reviewed the intelligence myself. He's been _very_ busy."

Shinji let the information wash off his shoulders, "It's always good for prisoners to have hobbies to occupy their time. It stops them from plotting escape, or other forms of mischief." Looking back to the Princess, he kept his face carefully neutral, "If I remember correctly, that's from the officer's manual your office sent me after I became a Baron."

"We are glad you read it," she inclined her head, accepting the hint. She had passed along the information, and her conscience was clean. "And so, Your Grace, are you ready to take the next step towards your rightful destiny?"

Moving his eyes to Suzuka, he set his shoulders, _Find him. He can…he can sit in the back._ "No," he laughed quietly. "But I'll take that step anyway."

+++++ 11th Angel + 1: Thursday (70)

"I'm telling you," Misato stood in her formal dress uniform, a far tamer dress than she would normally have worn given her preferences, "I have never gone to a wedding and asked myself if there were enough guns. I'm not sure which bothers me more, that question or the fact that my answer is leaning towards 'No, no there are not enough guns here'."

The parade field had been hastily repurposed to host what was being determined to be an event that would only potentially be superseded by the declaration of the end of the Angel's war on humanity. Row after row of circular tables filled with plentiful seating, tasteful decorations that drew eyes without blocking the establishment of interlocking cones of fire. The stage was small enough to hold three people in their seats side by side, and held a movable podium that allowed for a speaker to address the audience for the formal speeches, then be replaced by a small table for those needed to sign the documents that would lock three lives together. Beautiful potted plants hid concealed dragon's teeth to stop any vehicular assault dead. Refreshment tables were made out of barriers that defenders could take cover behind. Every centimeter served a purpose both utilitarian and deadly.

Kozo smiled tolerantly, "It might help you feel more steady to know that not all of them have arrived yet." The old professor was in his formal dress as well, though he preferred it to having to determine which of his two suits would have been more appropriate, "Fully two thirds of what I anticipate to be aggressively armed food staff are still testing everything that has been prepared."

"We don't have that many more security personnel," Misato frowned. "What did Section Two do, hire contractors?"

"Oh we're lending our services for the event, miss," Gen smiled pleasantly. "The last wedding involving one of our clients that was held without sufficient protection turned into something of a bloodbath. The Shirakami learned our lesson."

"I don't recall that," Kozo frowned thoughtfully.

"It was in Fifteen Thirty Four," Gen supplied helpfully. "Two or three years before your birth, I understand."

"Oh, I like you," Misato laughed happily. "We're going to keep him, sir."

"There was a time when people my age received respect," Kozo sighed, playing along with the mood.

"Ah, Misato-san," Nanako approached holding out a clipboard. "Small change to the guest list at the groom's request, I wanted to have you check that our people had your approval as well." Handing over the board, she bowed politely to NERV's Commander, "It is good to see you, Kozo-san. Thank you for allowing us to help with Hikari-chan and Shinji-Kun's big day."

"You see," the old professor eyed Gen significantly, "she understands what I'm saying about respect."

"One must always respect our elders," Nanako said with her chin raised. "Especially someone as old as he is."

"Set myself up for that," Kozo snorted a laugh. "Who are we adding, Colonel?"

"…His father." Offering the board to Kozo, Misato puzzled through why Shinji would have changed his mind suddenly, "If he says it's ok, I'm not sure why I'd say no…but…."

"I'll sign," Kozo gently took the paperwork. "He'll be under escort, and we'll place him at the back." Signing crisply, he handed the board back to Nanako, "Connecting Shinji-kun with your people continues to be the best decision I ever made."

"I would take credit, were it our doing," she shrugged. "Suzuka-san says that he simply changed his mind. She won't say more, and I know better than to press her for details. Ever since she swore to his service, she's been twice as tight-lipped about any and everything that has to do with him."

"He could do worse than having her confidence," Gen hooked his thumbs in his broad belt. "The pair of them will make a devastating team, once she begins instructing him in earnest."

"Speaking of," Nanako eyed an approaching concern. "Suzuki-san," her demeanor switched to 'Club Owner', "and…?"

The typically poised Shirakami was clearly nervous being so open about the situation, but did not wish to hide what was happening, "Ah, Nanako-san, this is-"

"Ozawa-san?" Nanako blinked several times, "Yumi Ozawa, right?"

"H-Hello again," looking down, she clasped her hands before her and blushed. "How…uhm, how is Yu-san?"

"Well," the Club Owner handed Gen the clipboard forcefully. "Dear, please go touch base with Suzuka-san. I need to have a discussion with Suzuki-kun." Lacing her arm easily about the slightly-older woman's waist, she pulled her intended target along by taking his paramour where she wanted them.

Gen shook his head, checking the list before smiling at Misato and nodding as he turned to leave without saying a word.

"There are days, Colonel," Kozo began after the two were alone again, "where I wonder what my life would have been like but for the mad ambition of my predecessor. Where I look on the group we have encouraged Shinji-kun to befriend, and simply ponder the 'might have been' of it all."

"I'll take my life as it is, thank you sir." Misato watched as Nanako seemed to berate both Suzuki and the woman he'd brought along with a too-perfect smile on her youthful face. "I have Shinji-kun, and Rei-chan, and the world is full enough for me." Looking over to where the Admirals had begun to arrive, she gestured subtly, "I believe we ought to go pretend to be in charge. What do you think?"

+++++ 11th Angel + 1: Thursday (70)

Asuka, wearing a dress she hadn't intended to ever need but brought along simply to not leave anything her father might find, stood impatiently next to the source of a great deal of frustration for her. "None of this is what he'd want. Can you believe this?" Waiting five seconds, as she did every time she addressed the bluenette, she hoped that Rei would eventually say something that would help her actually believe the alabaster beauty was animate. "I mean, 'simple'. 'Honest'. Even 'intimate'. I can believe a ceremony that met any of those would be something he'd ask for, but this?"

Rei, for her part, read the next book in a long series of self-imposed lessons on matters that would shape her future choices. She was well aware of what the bitch next to her was saying, she simply had no interest in wasting time on idle chatter with a woman who only remained conscious because engaging with her fists would ruin the wedding. While she had failed, allowing Shinji to take the brunt of Sahaquiel's descent, Asuka had _failed_. Without her presence, holding up the titanic Angel of the Sky was simply impossible. As much as it galled her to admit that the woman had her uses, facts were facts.

"Wish I could remember what he said to me this morning," the flame-haired pilot settled her hands on her hips. "I haven't slept like that in a long time."

"You spoke to Shinji?" Rei seemed as surprised as Asuka that she'd spoken.

"Well, yeah," seizing her chance, she took a seat and tried again to help build a team out of the odd bipod group the pilots made with Shinji as the fulcrum. "He came to my room, asked me to go for a walk. We talked about his past, mostly about some chump that thought he owned Hikari, and then we started talking about…something." Rocking her hands side to side, Asuka smiled, "I mean, he said that he wanted all of us to try and talk. He was a little torqued that neither of us went to check on him."

Realizing that she'd already broken her silence, she pressed on the odd point, "He…desired that you check on him?"

"We, not me." Asuka tilted her head, "I thought you were pretty close to him. Why didn't you go sit with him? I was…confined to quarters. You at least should have been free to sit at his side. He needed us there. Were you hurt that bad?"

"I was under observation," she gave the half-truth she'd agreed on with Misato.

"That sucks. Beats having to compile an AAR detailing every failure point in the mission, though." She made a face, "Sixteen hundred and twelve independent points where the plan Colonel Coffeetits came up with was not implemented as designed."

"Including your becoming incapacitated by the topography," Rei stated with a touch of heat.

"Illegal dumping grounds are illegal for a reason," Asuka snarled. "Everything below twenty meters became a chemical slurry, and Unit-02 wasn't designed for operating in what amounted to ultrafine quicksand." Glaring off to the side, she felt her fists bunch up, "I'm just glad you were able to make it. If it was just him, he might not have managed to win. He might have died…."

The bluenette paused, not stating the follow-on barb that she'd prepared. "You were stuck in quicksand?"

"The greasers say that they're still digging it out of the joint actuators." Her emotions spinning back to neutral, she shrugged, "I couldn't get the legs to respond because the armored sections were glued together. Like trying to walk underwater in casts without crutches. The ground didn't give me any purchase, and the trenches I dug in the soft earth trying to pull myself out only made it harder for them to extract Unit-02. The entire deployment was a mess from start to finish."

"…He nearly died anyway." Rei began to ponder what she would have done in Asuka's place, and found that the situation may well have been truly unrecoverable.

"Yeah…." Her red hair caught in the slight breeze, billowing out beside her, "Like I said…I'm glad you were there. If any of us is going to make it…it should be him."

"He would not wish you to think that," setting her bookmark between the pages, she closed the tome. "It is his express desire that we all view ourselves as irreplaceable. It would distress him to know that you are willing to accept death as the cost of success."

"Told you that himself, did he?" Asuka smirked, "I can hear you saying you were ready to die to win, just as I can hear him chastising you, 'You can't say that Rei! I'll find a way to save everyone'." Her attempt at mimicking his low rumble came out comical, "And then he'd do it. Because he's a big ol' softie that can't stand to see anyone suffer." She smiled at the memory of a cake delivered to her bed, "After I got shot in the head, when I woke up…he wanted to blame himself for something that wasn't his fault. Kind of…well, more than kind of, it made me stop and think about how much time I spend blaming myself for stuff. I chewed him out, he avoided looking at my chest when I accidentally flashed him." Her smile faded, "I don't want those things to be the only memories I have of him. I have to get better. And he's right. Like usual. I need to spend more time with him. Well, we do. Team building stuff, you know? Working out, eating lunch while we work on strategies, stuff like that. The three of us."

"Do you understand why that is difficult?" Rei wondered how much her fellow pilot understood of her own restrictions, of the reasons for them.

"Because you're practically inanimate, I'm a raving bitch, and he's married?" She shrugged, "Difficult isn't impossible. Impossible is getting better than him at piloting. This is just difficult. We can all work on our problems, I sure as hell am." Snapping her fingers, she smiled broadly, "That's it! Thank you, Rei. He told me last night that if I needed him, I could call. That Hikari and Major Ibuki…well, soon to be Major Ikari I understand, they don't mind if he spends time with me. I knew I could remember, I just needed to talk to someone about it."

Vermillion eyes narrowed, "Do you often suffer periods of lost memories?"

"From time to time. It's nothing major, I stay up too late and fall asleep wherever I was. Remembering what I was doing, or what I had said gets fuzzy until I talk about it. Without Frau Marlowe here to speak to, I've had to rely on my notes. It would _help_ if I had a few more _friends_ ," cerulean eyes emphasized the hint.

"…I believe he enjoys running." Standing, she made to leave for a different spot with more shade, as the sun had shifted during their conversation to cover the chairs she had borrowed for the time being, "I will make myself available, should you choose to arrange something."

Watching quietly as the First Child walked away, Asuka had a small victorious grin on her face, "Gotcha. Just needed a little time, and a little charm. We'll be a team before you know it."

+++++ 11th Angel + 1: Thursday (70)

"Did you know," Kelly carefully helped arrange Hikari's hair, "that where I'm from, it's terrible luck to see the one you are to marry before the ceremony." Smiling with a wink over to Maya, she worked with her fellow officer to keep Hikari from storming out there and demanding that everyone sit down, shut up, and sign the papers. "Now, where I'm from, it's also impossible to marry two people. Two ladies marrying is nothing significant anymore, but two ladies and one man is. So, our customs would be a ball of bedlam in trying to determine whether you and the good Major seeing each other is ill luck or not."

Kodama held the mirror for her sister, urging small touches with twitches of her eyes, "It's a little different here, if we were going with a traditional ceremony nobody else would be around. Hino-san would walk them through the rituals, they'd swear to not be idiots in front of a few close family members, sign the papers, _then_ the party begins."

"New traditions will be set today," Maya smiled happily. The young woman before her, only just keeping her irritation in check, was everything she'd ever wanted in a partner. The age difference was more of an issue for her than it was for Hikari, but the distance was much shorter in this new world she'd found herself in. "Of course, precious few people will meet the qualifications to do what we're doing. And to be honest, I can't see Rei-chan willingly marrying anyone, let alone two others."

"If the foreigner finds anyone willing to put up with her I'll probably just die of shock," Kodama chuckled. "Stay still, sis. Kelly-san's doing a good job weaving the flowers in, but you keep moving and it's just going to take longer to get to the part where you're signing papers."

"We're still waiting on the guests," Maya soothed Hikari's sudden flash of temper at her sister's words. "I'm keeping an eye on everyone," she could see from her place by the window that the imperial princess was still absent. _Pup, can you hear me?_

The response was immediate, _The Princess is blessing my formal wear. Apparently it's something of a tradition._ She could feel his odd calm was greatly influenced by the ability to learn and witness something new and unusual. _I hope you don't mind the scent of chrysanthemums, because there are a number being used in this. It's kind of fascinating, really. Is everything ok?_

 _I'll preface this with I'm not rushing you,_ she smiled gently at her soon-to-be official husband's newfound sense of calm amidst the storm. _Do you have an ETA? I think Hikari might start taking hostages any moment now._

 _Another ten minutes, Maya-dono,_ Suzuka answered. _I have seen this performed a time or two, and while she is being thorough, she is truly not dawdling. This is a tradition reserved for those who have a close bond to the Emperor, and to have it be done by her hand is truly a blessing. Please, tell Hikari-chan that we spared the both of you similar by taking care of it prior to the dresses being brought here. Her Highness and I agreed on that point._

 _Thank you, Suzuka._ Rolling her eyes at the well-intentioned interruption, she felt a small stab of jealousy that was quickly crushed. He was not hers alone, and he never was. _Please let us know as soon as you are ready, I'll do what I can to stall._ "If I had to guess, I'd say another ten or so minutes. Suzuka just signaled me as much." Tapping her knee in the sign they'd agreed to that she was speaking to Shinji, she shrugged, "Of everyone here, rushing Her Imperial Highness might be the least wise idea."

"I really didn't think that they still held as much power as we've seen them wield," Kelly kept the conversation away from delays and worries. "Driving the Diet and coercing the Prime Minister to accede to their demands like they did. I mean, I can see Shinji managing that because he seems to bring the best out of anyone he's near, but this kind of political maneuvering wouldn't happen next door to home."

"The renewed peerage is something of a unifying force." Maya's toe danced in time with the music that filtered through the canvas tent, "We Japanese tend to look to our traditions when things go wrong, and Second Impact was about as wrong as things could have gone. Between the Emperor and the Prime Minister, there is a great deal of respect for those who seek peace."

"Shinji's nothing if he's not eager to find a way to resolve things peacefully," Hikari sighed. "Has it been ten minutes yet?"

+++++ 11th Angel + 1: Thursday (70)

"There's an awful lot of people here," Sakura looked around from her wheelchair, trying not to gawk at the wide variety of foreign guests. "I can't really understand what most of them are saying."

"They're not speaking Japanese, that's why," Nozomi was stepping side to side in a subtle dance to the tune of the music. Eschewing her seat in favor of helping keep her partner in crime entertained, she pointed covertly, "That man there is an Admiral. He's speaking Russian, I'd guess. The man next to him, speaking to the woman is using English. I'm pretty sure someone was using French earlier, if Hikari-nee-san's anything to go by."

"You would be correct, little one," Admiral Lazarev took the seat intended for the Shirakami instructor that was currently speaking to Kozo and Misato. "You have a good ear." Smiling politely to Sakura, he inclined his head, "Good day, Miss."

"Oh!" Nozomi bounced, clapping her hands, "Admiral…Rrr…Lllrrr…."

"Lazarev," the big man smiled, not taking offense at the youth's difficulty with his name. "A little more tongue against the back of your teeth, like so," he demonstrated, "Lllllazarev."

"Admiral Lllllazarrrebo." Screwing up her face adorably, she looked to Sakura, "It's super hard. Admiral-san was at nii-san's ceremony where he became a Baron."

"Pleased to meet you, Admiral-san," Sakura avoided the pitfall of trying to work through the oral contortions necessary to say his last name. "My name is Sakura Suzuhara."

"A lovely name you have, Miss Suzuhara. I hope you do not mind keeping an old man company, my cohort for the day is off making certain that our air crew will be on station at the appropriate time." Winking to Nozomi, he held out both hands, showing his palms and the backs of his hands, "In exchange, I believe I can," flicking his wrists, he made two ginger candies appear as if by magic, "provide some small entertainment?"

"Wow!" Clapping her hands together before her lips, the wheelchair-bound youth looked between the candy and him with eyes wide, "How did you do that, Admiral-san?"

"A lot of practice," he rolled the treats into his fingers and placed them into cautiously awaiting hands, "and a lot of time failing at it. When you are at sea, you often find yourself waiting for things to occur. In those moments, instead of sitting idly I practiced. When I could visit my home, and see my own children, I would try and sneak little bribes to them so they wouldn't make life difficult for my poor wife."

Nozomi unwrapped her sweet and set it on her tongue, "Daddy used to do the same thing, only he'd bribe me not to make life hard on Kodama-nee-san. It's how he taught me that I should think about what I was about to do before I did it."

"I wish someone taught my brother that," Sakura was slower in unwrapping her candy, wanting to puzzle through the trick.

"That's ok," the Little Lady of the Horakis clapped. "Nii-san and I will make sure you're taken care of, Sakura-chan. Remember? He said so himself."

"If the Paladin says he will do something, I would take him at his word," the old Russian officer nodded gravely. Gently rubbing the back of Sakura's head, he offered her a kindly smile, "Men like him do not give their word unless they will pay it off. When he came to us at sea, he said he would protect us. He fought like a bear defending their cubs, not allowing a single one of my children to become hurt when the Angel attacked. Do you know what he did afterwards, when we sought to celebrate his victory?" Both Sakura and Nozomi shook their heads as one. "He baked a cake for us."

"That sounds _just_ like nii-san," Nozomi laughed. "He hates it when people tell him 'Good job!' or 'Well done!', he always thinks that there was something he could have done better."

"That's why he was so upset about this," Sakura gestured to her chair. "I wish he understood that it wasn't his fault. He didn't make _him_ ignore me."

"I heard this story," the Admiral nodded. "Colonel Katsuragi tells me that you are one the Paladin considers sacred, that he spends his own money to guarantee your care and safety. You shelter in his hands, little one. Blood relations are not the end sum of everything. When I mentioned him saving my children, I do not speak of those my wife gifted me. I speak of the men and women who serve aboard the _Othello_ , who sweat and bleed so that we may do our duty. Not one of them shares my blood, but each is as dear to me as my own flesh."

"Yep yep," Nozomi nodded firmly, her head bobbing exaggeratedly to each syllable. "Nii-san knows that he couldn't have stopped you from being hurt, but he also wishes super hard that he could have stopped you from being hurt. It sounds silly, but both are true. He loves you, in his own way. If he didn't, would he hug you like he hugs me?"

The youngest Suzuhara looked off in the direction she'd seen Shinji disappear to some time ago, "I…I guess not."

+++++ 11th Angel + 1: Thursday (70)

"Thank you," Gendo sat far in the back, listening to his operatives through a wireless earpiece as they expressed his displeasure to another SEELE council member. Accepting the freshly printed program from a sharply-dressed Shirakami, he let his eyes drift down along the order of events. Each entry brought him another small touch of pleasure, knowing that these people would all be singing the praises of his wife's name.

A drawn-out scream of agony served as counterpoint to the lovely singing voice of the hired performer, the lyrics speaking of the joys of love, instead of the costs of stealing it. He caught sight of Asuka in the distance, the unknowing cat's paw now doubly unaware of her place in the entire Evangelion affair. Grateful that his glasses hid his eyes so effectively, he was able to watch the redhead as she engaged in overly grand conversation without giving away that he was contemplating how best to remove her from the board.

"I admit," an irritatingly familiar French accent sat down next to him as his men snapped another bone, "as high as my regard is for your son, even I would not have imagined him granting you clemency today."

"We spoke on this recently, did we not? His heart is too soft to do what must be done. This is simply a sign that I was right." Gendo returned to his contemplation of the order of events, stifling a smile at the shrill echo of brutal efficiency, "To my benefit or no, we must take precautions against this creating further peril."

"We have already begun doing just that," Philip stated simply. "So," he nodded his thanks to a waitress, taking a fluted glass of champagne, "how _is_ the weather in New York?"

"Calm." A gurgling sigh served as the last sounds another of the people responsible for his wife's predicament ever made, "This young lady has a gorgeous singing voice, don't you think?" Pressing a series of buttons on his belt, he switched channels to the next team, "Perhaps things will be livelier in Abu Dhabi."

+++++ 11th Angel + 1: Thursday (70)

"I can't believe you got me in here," Kensuke's hands itched for his camera, the object having been seized at his point of entry. "I mean, thank you, but the last time I spoke to…uhm, that lady right there, she told me that I was lucky I wasn't in prison." He gestured to Akane, who was busy directing foot traffic.

"When Shinji asks me to help," Yang kept herself busy checking that all of the food was properly served, "I help. He told me to get you here, if you could come on short notice, and to keep you out of trouble. So don't get any ideas," she eyed him warily, "or I will have my uncles show you why prison might have been the better deal."

"No, no," the military otaku waved his hands desperately before him. "No trouble. I'm here to help."

"No, you're here to serve witness to our friends finally getting married," she rolled her eyes. "You are helping that happen by standing near me and not causing trouble." Waving to one of the nearby wait staff, she pointed to a tray that was minus one item, receiving a thumb's up and a nod. "When, or if, classes ever begin again you will be responsible for spreading the word among the boys in our year how Shinji couldn't have asked for a more awesome wedding. How he is the luckiest man alive, and how it would be great if everyone left it at that."

"The, uh," adjusting his glasses, he frowned, "the other girls are causing problems. Aren't they?"

"Jealousy is a stupid, banal, petty affliction that serves no purpose other than to poison people," Yang sniffed contemptuously. "I know where I stand with Shinji, and because I accept my place I get to spend a great deal of time around him. If they weren't so head-up-their-ass about Hikari being the 'First Girl', they could spend time around him too." Looking at Kensuke as he nodded in agreement, she shrugged, "I've been asked on more dates since I started hanging around Shinji than I got all last year. Why? I wasn't stupid enough to cause him problems, guys see that, guys like that."

"No arguments there," he agreed readily. "To be honest, when Toji decked Shinji I kinda knew that Hikari would end up with him. I saw her watch what happened, and she wasn't looking at Toji when things went down. Love at first sight isn't just a fantasy I guess, she really just fell for him. Before he became all," puffing out, he demonstrated Shinji's rapid growth.

"He had a kind of cute shy thing going on, true," Yang remembered how he looked with a fond smile. "But, I can't see him like that anymore. He's our guardian, our champion."

"He's a man," Kensuke nodded. "Has he gotten bigger again, or is that just me?"

"Growth spurts are common up to early twenties for males," Ritsuko appeared behind him, startling the poor otaku. Dressed in a formal dress, her generous curves left an impression that rivaled Misato's in many of the male guests minds, "He will likely grow further, as will you." Handing a list to Yang, the demi-blonde changed the topic, "Nanako-san wants these changes to table seven. She would have come, but I sat her down with Miss Ozawa after she fainted."

Yang looked over the paper, before frowning up at the doctor, "Nanako-san fainted?"

Ritsuko raised her eyebrow, "No, Ozawa did. Do you happen to have any toothpicks around here? Shinji will kill me if I smoke, and I'll kill someone if the guests don't stop undressing me with their eyes." Smirking as Kensuke's head nearly twisted off his head as he looked anywhere else but at someone in his near vicinity, she accepted the offered stick with a nod and a knowing wink from Yang, "Thanks."

+++++ 11th Angel + 1: Thursday (70)

"You know he'd rather you be down there with him," Jake said from his position in the sniper's roost. "When he doesn't see you in the audience, he's going to be hurt." Slowly panning his binoculars over the crowd, he kept his attention directed to his sector, "To be honest, I'll be hurt. I'd like to think that my boss is adult enough to gracefully accept defeat."

"He'd rather live through this so that he can enjoy his life," Idunn answered, her tone emotionally vacant. "My brother is down there, somewhere. That's enough representation from the Haraldson clan."

"Idi, I'm all for taking security seriously here, but if someone wants to attack this shindig they'd better have brought a couple hundred friends. Putting aside our people, we have mechanized infantry, three armor companies, the OGA types, the sailors and marines from the Fleet, the local JSSDF regiments, Section Two, the Imperial Guard, and…a penguin?" Blinking, he double checked that he had in fact seen a penguin shuffling calmly alongside the blue-haired pilot, a charming black and red cape attached to its cooling backpack, "We have a penguin."

"…Four-Four this is Nest Actual," Idunn spoke into her microphone, "can you verify that Pilot Ayanami is escorting a bird, please? Over." The stifled laughter that preceded the response was affirmation enough, "Roger. Out." Resuming her scan, she shrugged, "He's on the guestlist, Principle Alpha invited him by name."

"I really love this guy," Jake chuckled. "He keeps things from ever possibly becoming boring. Since you want to be so cold, you should go down and ask for his ID, maybe see if he brought any other penguins along."

Ignoring the not-so-subtle attempt to dislodge her, she retorted evenly, "Where is your partner today? I haven't seen her with Principle Delta, where she should be."

"She's with Alpha," he shrugged, not caring that the aborted love story between he and Nicolette had become general knowledge. "Mikoto took over with Claudia, since neither of them know how to dance."

Idunn frowned, "And that matters…because?"

"He's going to be dancing in whatever clothes he's putting on, we needed someone to make sure that he could do so without serious concerns." Jake focused his attention on a new group of people being escorted through the security cordons, "He gets along with her, she's a rather talented dancer, just made sense to have her help out."

Her voice gained some heat, "Why didn't this come through me?"

"Because there was no reason to worry over it? Each of our Principles is in this mess. We are known to each of our Principles. We walked through the plans as a unit, we all know all of the fallback positions, and if I'm honest? The weakest part of our physical defensive posture is Nicki. Putting her with the one person in all of this that doesn't need muscle to extract them is something _you_ should have seen some time ago." Jake was perfectly willing to make a bigger deal of things if she pushed, "He needs a liaison, not backup. You saw the tape, none of us would have been much use in the tussle in the Bay. I'm not going to risk throwing bullets into a contest where two people are moving faster than cameras can pick up."

"He shouldn't be fighting our battles, and you know it." She set down her binoculars, "Is this because you don't want to work with her directly?"

"Boss, either go work for a movie theater or stop projecting," Jake looked over to her, his face stone hard. "I get along just fine with her. In fact, I trust her so completely that I helped work this shift in teams. He's 'Alpha' for a reason, and I'm putting him in her exceptionally capable hands. She can't _fight_ as hard as we can, but she's every bit as good an agent when it comes to quick thinking, rapid action, and dedication. She pulled _my_ ass out of the fire with Perfume with her adaptability despite my telling her I wasn't interested in dating, and this bit of light duty on a day where we have enough guns on station to take over half of Japan is the kind of reward a _feeling_ supervisor would have given." Holding her eyes for a handful of heartbeats, he resumed his watch, "Now, kindly get out of my nest. You're distracting me."

Idunn bristled, "You are not-"

"I will call him, right now. He will climb up here, and I will tell him exactly why you're avoiding him," lava would freeze solid in the presence of his voice. "On his _wedding day_. It is not that he values you over them, it is not because he's looking for a way out of marrying. It is because he is that good of a man. You, Idi…you are the only person making this a big deal, and I'm done worrying about it on a day I'd actually like to see people happy on. Now get out or call him. Your choice."

+++++ 11th Angel + 1: Thursday (70)

"We do believe that you were made for such garments, dear brother," the Imperial Princess sat smiling at the sight of Shinji dancing with his inhuman grace. "And you, child, what was your name?"

"Nicolette, Your Highness," the agent answered mid-reel, her face flushed with the effort of her exertions as she pushed her dance partner harder and harder to test out the flexibility of the day's outfit.

"We are very impressed that you could keep up with Our dear brother," tilting her head slightly, she seemed to weigh the pixie-like agent. "You have Our permission to seek to enter his service in whichever way you so desire."

Shinji caught Nicolette as her toe caught the ground, her internal rhythm thrown off by a comment that struck far too close to home. Scooping her into a lift, adjusting the dance to stop injuries and embarrassment, he held her in the crook of his arm for a beat, then set her back on her base and brought things to a halt, "Are you all right, Nicolette?"

"Yeah, just…uhm, guess I was a little clumsy," placing her fist against her temple, she made a face. "Sorry!"

 _Clumsy,_ Suzuka snorted mentally. _She should embrace her desire, accept it as a lost cause, and move forward. That she has ill luck with love is neither new nor unique._ "So, Your Grace, how do you feel?"

"Like we're going to have a long conversation if you don't stop that, My Lady," the Third Child gave his eternal bodyguard a look that answered both of her statements with one, all while keeping Nicolette where she was with one giant hand. Turning the much smaller woman to face him, he grinned, "I really do appreciate you making sure I won't look like a fool out there, Nicki. I can just imagine something coming undone while I'm holding Hikari or Maya, and embarrassing them, me, and all of NERV."

The Princess smiled, amusement evident in her eyes, "Does your new title fit you so poorly, dear brother?"

"I'm very sorry," letting Nicolette go back to the edge of the room where she wouldn't be the subject of much scrutiny, he shrugged with a wry grin. "I know that I'm being somewhat childish, but a small part of me still…well, I guess it hoped that once everything with the Eva was over I'd be able to go back to being 'Just Shinji'. Marriage to two phenomenally talented women, a new title, playing host to officers with twice as many years in their professions as I have years in my life…. Obligations and duties, dear sister," he'd accepted that she wanted him to call her as much, "I guess I just worry that I'll disappoint everyone."

"Not so long as you do what you feel best in your heart," the wizened woman stated reassuringly. "You seek advice when lost, you seek justice when you see the lack of it, you defend those unable to defend themselves. This is what Our Brother sees in you, and why We have brought you into Our presence. Now," rising easily to her feet, defying expectations of someone her age, she clasped her hands before her with a warm smile, "are you ready, Your Grace?"

"Am I ever?" The question hung over his head for a time, and as he looked about the room he began to wonder if he was the reason that he never felt prepared. Everything he'd done, everything he'd accomplished, it was all predicated on the knowledge that at the time it was the right decision. People had been placing a great deal of faith in him for months, all because instead of looking up at Unit-01 and denying the call of fate…he embraced it without hesitation. _I don't belong to myself. Not now, and never again._ Taking a cleansing breath as he saw Suzuka smile comfortingly, he offered his elbow, "I guess I am. It's time to leave 'Just Shinji' behind…he doesn't have a place in this world anymore."

+++++ Author's Notes:

Starfire99: RE: Hikari.

Just prior to the 8th Angel, Shinji made the deal with her that if she could make it through the day without wobbling, he'd take her on a walk around the house. That evening, she walked around with Misato, Pen-Pen, and Nozomi showing them the layout of their home while Rei helped Shinji in the kitchen. They then went on a walk where Shinji explained to Hikari how he felt about Maya. That was where she stopped needing it, and insisted she start walking again.

Recovery from the surgery she had is typically several days of bedrest, then some time between a wheelchair and your own feet as you get used to moving under your own power again. That's with modern medicine in our world. In a world where people casually violate physics to create giant monster robots, she'd heal faster. The chair was, ultimately, not a major plot point. Shinji worrying over everything being accessible was Shinji being Shinji.

Martial Arts Master: RE: Sakura.

Oh…we're not done with Toji. Sakura will be well cared for, however. Shinji won't let it be otherwise.

origamishishou:

RE: FAR.

To be safe, spoiler no spoiling.

RE: Writing.

I look forward to seeing what you produce! I'm certain that so long as you write with enthusiasm and emotion, it will be well worth reading.

RE: The Dark Fic.

I recently went back and re-read the first several chapters, tweaked some things here and there to see how I felt about it as a work. If I can stick the landing with this one, I think I'll take another swing at polishing that one and seeing how it shines. It's different enough, in tone and intent, that it wouldn't just be a carbon copy of this one. It will have to compete with the other story that's been brewing in my head for time, but so long as I have an audience (especially an audience of a few hundred loyal readers like this story has) I'm not opposed to putting it up. It'd be a shame to waste well over 350k words, I guess.


	84. Chapter 84

+++++ 11th Angel + 1: Thursday (70)

 _In a way, it's not very fair that Hikari can't hear us._ Maya's posture was perfect, despite the third straight hour of speechifying by people declaring the ways in which the three people to be married were meant to be together. _You can entertain me, I can entertain you, but she's left to her own devices._

 _Not entirely,_ Shinji projected calm. _I've asked Israfel to project music and poetry into her mind. She can't understand what we're saying, nor what Israfel would say, but she's still affected by their song._ He was ill-content with being placed in the center of the stage between the two women, as he'd much rather have had Hikari in the central position. _I'm just glad nobody's been gesturing to me to take my hands from either of you. If I have to be up here listening to people lie about me, I'm going to at least suffer through it holding the people I love._

"So I charge each of you to think a little less of what you might want, and a little more of what those you serve might need." The Prime Minister, the penultimate speaker, had a very good sense of dramatic timing. Or, Shinji admitted, her speech writers did. "As the man known as Paladin, His Grace Shinji Ikari, sworn defender of mankind would have us all do." She paused for the polite applause, then finished with a 'human' touch that clearly came from her own mind, as she turned to face his new family and the audience at the same time, "If there is ever anything my office can do, Your Grace, I only ask that you please include a picture of dear Nozomi-chan and Sakura-Chan. Those two might just steal the show today, if you're not careful." A ripple of laughter flowed over the audience, causing a furious blush on four little cheeks.

 _They're doing very well,_ he inclined his head in gratitude for the Prime Minister's words, keeping himself still as the woman made her way off the stage. _I'll need to do something nice for the two of them, considering how long this is going to be. Not that they're prone to acting out, just…you know._

 _That they manage with better grace and decorum what it appears Misato's having a hard time with?_ Amusement carried the words back, as both caught sight of the woman in question struggling mightily with holding her bladder after having taken in a great deal of liquid during the pre-ceremonies. _I'm more worried that those two didn't drink enough. Not that it's terribly hot out, rather mild._

 _Sachiel, Sahaquiel, and Matarael,_ Shinji provided. _According to Adam, they should be able to begin 'healing' the planet's weather patterns, if I give them the go-ahead. I asked if it would do any damage to have them cooperate to give us a nice, even, temperature with clear skies today, and here we are._ Looking over to Hikari, he asked the same question he asked between each speaker, "Any requests?"

"No," her smile lit up his world. "I'm actually rather positive that they're borrowing from you, considering how much the poetry they're sharing sounds like it came from your mind." Rubbing his hand, she leaned forward enough to see past to Maya, "One more?"

"And then Hino-san, who'll bless the union and observe us signing the marriage form," the Major nodded. "Up, up," allowing Shinji to take the lead, she smiled fondly for the audience's benefit as he helped each of his wives to their feet simultaneously.

Approaching the stage was the final speaker, the Imperial Princess herself. Her pacing as she advanced upon the stage was in perfect meter with the music played to announce her. The trio to be married all bowed in recognition of the truly gentle woman, with much of the audience either joining them or standing to attention. Once she arrived on stage, she placed herself before the trio, "Please, My Children, We would share a few words for your ears alone."

Once more, Shinji led in standing tall, "Of course, Your Highness."

"This day, three become as one. As one, all three must act. Our dear brother cannot hope to succeed without either of you," looking between Maya and Hikari, she let the words sink in. "His strength is mighty, his heart boundless. You _must_ give him succor. You _must_ help him rest. Our nation will ride on three sets of shoulders, not one. Hold your heads high, dear daughters. We have seen his heart, and none come before you within it." She locked eyes with him, "The spirits will not win the day. You, and you alone, must fly where they cannot go…should victory require it." Without another word, she turned to face the audience, leaving Shinji, Hikari, and Maya to find their seats with some confusion.

 _It is not solely the Horaki Clan that sees more than others,_ Suzuka filled the sudden silence. _We will speak on this later. For now, you are nearly there. Focus._

Placing his hands once more on each lap next to him, Shinji hoped that those hands were steadier than his heart.

+++++ 11th Angel + 1: Thursday (70)

The speeches had finished, the old priest himself had begged the spirits around them, the ancestors of every man and woman present, and the sun, moon, and stars above them to bring peace and happiness to Shinji and his loved ones. Kneeling before a table with a much fancier scroll and pens than he'd ever seen in his life, Shinji watched as Hikari made her mark.

The brightest light in his sky, the unwavering point that brought his world into a steady orbit, the beginning of his life and the end of his woes took her time in performing the task she'd been impatiently awaiting all morning. Holding her sleeve up and to the side she wrote her name clearly, with the small florid touches that spoke of long hours practicing the art of penmanship. Each stroke placed just so, spelling in details both minor and major that she _wanted_ this.

Once Hikari had set aside her pen, it was Maya's turn. The former Bridge Bunny, former Assistant to the former Chief Scientist of NERV's Tokyo-3, former Lieutenant, now Major, now Chief Scientist in her own right, the most classically accomplished of the three joining as one on this day wrote her name in a neat, polished manner. No strokes wasted, her name appeared much as she herself did. Simple, open, and honest.

Her pen joined Hikari's, gathered by an attendant to be held in trust by the Imperial Household as artifacts for later generations. He looked down at his own, and he waited. His hesitation in making his own mark was not out of a sudden fear of attachment, as he would likely murder half of the people present with his own hands if that would allow him to stay by their side. He, instead, looked first to Hikari, then to Maya, and whispered, "I love both of you…and while I do not feel worthy of placing my name alongside either of yours, let alone both together, I want you to know that never in my entire life have I ever wanted anything more." Once more taking their hands, he let out a pulse of Shamshel's song, "Thank you, both of you, for seeing more than a scared little boy. For looking past a bumbling teen. For not giving up on a man that can't seem to stay out of trouble for a single week." Squeezing gently, he let them go to carefully pick up what he felt to be the heaviest writing implement known to mankind.

Slowly tracing his own name, he felt the ancient beings that dwelled within him cheering in celebration. Each Aspect, once Angel, demonstrated their joy at his union. Even, to his mild surprise, in the dark corner of his soul that now hosted Ireul. The majestic Aspect of Terror could be felt to offer gentle applause at his decision to finally let go of his naïve youth, to embrace his calling, and to do so of his own volition. Within him, his children were happy. Outside of him, he could feel those in the audience echoing that delight. But most importantly, beside him…beside him his _wives_ were pleased.

As three flights of three planes each performed a flyover, trailing colored smoke to line the sky with shades of the clothes each of the newlyweds wore, Shinji gathered his wives in his arms and smiled with them up at the sight. _I'm married. I'm not alone…I'll never be alone again._

+++++ 11th Angel + 1: Thursday (70)

"It's going to be expensive," Shinji danced carefully with Misato to the live music performed by a seemingly indefatigable band. "I'm not sure how comfortable I am with it, considering I can just suck up and stay on base." Cradling her, he wished that the topic of conversation she'd chosen wasn't something he'd felt terribly negative about, wanting to bring more happiness to the day than sorrow. "I can understand the arguments for it, and I'm sure that having the military right here on our doorstep will be comforting to people…but there's so much that could go wrong."

"I'm not thrilled with the idea either," she surprised him with the calm statement of agreement. "Unless the officers, the NCOs, and the CO herself are all copies of you…well, there's a reason that we try very hard to keep the police civilian. A lot of bored soldiers with guns is a quick recipe for nothing good." Flicking her hair out of her face, she smiled comfortingly up at him, "We'll manage. It's going to allow you to decompress, to an extent. I voted for her, I can't imagine the Prime Minister is going to select some knucklehead to run the forces she'll station here."

"I didn't really get a read on her," he looked over to the General that had been introduced as the Commander of the newly formed Chūbu Defense Forces. "She's…frowny."

"Considering where that statement's coming from, I'm going to ask if you understand 'irony'," Misato teased lightly.

"I smile," he protested weakly. "Maybe not as often as I should, but I smile a lot more now than I did before."

"Yes, you do, and it's wonderful _when_ you do," she soothed his chest. "The problem is, your default expression is frowning. Your face just has a natural, and perpetual, scowl." The song wound down, and she sighed with an eyeroll, "You'd better have another dance for me later, mister. This one not as your Guardian."

"I will do what I can," Shinji bowed politely, in thanks for her time.

The purple-haired colonel was quickly replaced by the Xu matriarch. Clasping one hand over the other, she bowed in the manner of her ancestors, "Your Grace."

Returning her bow, if not as deeply as he'd prefer at Suzuka's instruction, he offered himself for the next dance, "If you would do me the honor, ma'am?"

"Xuefan, Shinji," accepting his offer, she gave him a warm smile, "please. You are no longer a boy, not that I ever knew you as one, and it is far past time that you simply used my name."

"Xuefan, then," guiding the powerful businesswoman through the steps of a dance that he was certain nobody on Earth had seen in their lifetime, save Suzuka, he mentally tabulated what would be safest to discuss with the Shirakami elder. "I appreciate the Blue Crane catering on such short notice. I really hadn't intended to set all of this in motion by commenting on dresses."

"I would feed you three meals a day, if you allowed me," she laughed playfully. "This is nothing new, to us." Looking past his arm at a table that he knew held an odd assortment of people, she shook her head, "I would add my voice to those asking that you not judge us on…the situation with Suzuka and Suzuki."

"I won't," _Another sad conversation. Even when we mean to celebrate, is this all there is to discuss?_ "The Shirakami didn't look at me and see my father. You didn't look at me and judge me with contempt for…loving more than one woman. Suzuki's flaws are his own, Suzuka's flaws hers. I haven't yet had the chance to speak to Ozawa-san, but I'm sure she must be similarly human."

"Thank you," pressing a kiss to each side of his jaw, she settled easily onto her heels and continued the dance. "As far as marrying more than one woman…I do not believe you're done. If the way things appear to be headed are any indication, I hope you begin studying 'diplomatic marriages'. Chances are good you're going to end up in a few."

The memory of Hikari fainting gripped his mind with frozen talons, "What makes you say that?"

Shaking her head, she lowered her voice, "You are a commodity, Shinji. And you stand a better chance than any man before you of uniting nations. The age of republics, of democracy, continues to wane. People are looking for heroes, for people who will guide them past…what has come before. Even as homogenous a nation as Japan has become home to a great many people not _of_ Japan." Settling her eyes back on his, she shrugged, "The older you become my friend, the more likely people will ask you to become that hero. To guide humanity off this world and to the stars beyond. By your two hundredth year, you'll have two choices…disappear, or listen."

"…Does everyone just _know_?" He kept himself from sagging, "Am I wearing a sign?"

"Secrets don't stay that way forever, no matter how much we may wish they did, when more than one person knows something." Her hand soothed the same area Misato's had, "We have been busily plugging holes in your intelligence service, but intelligence is still leaking. Your immortality, that poor Ayanami child's life…we do what we can, Shinji. Just, keep in mind what I've said…you may need to arrange things sooner than you'd like." Stepping back as the song ended, she bowed once more, "Thank you, Your Grace."

He silently responded in kind, not willing to trust his words at the moment. Looking over to the other side of the dance floor, he saw Hikari smiling dreamily as she spoke with Philip, and Maya dancing with Ritsuko. _Are people talking to you about sad things, Maya? The first two dances away from either of you, and I've had to discuss the Diet parking five thousand soldiers in our area, and the potential for my immortality screwing me over._

 _No, Pup. It's just you._ She carried consolation and certitude through their link, _The worst someone's mentioned to me is that Nozomi-chan wants to dance with us, but they're having to basically give her a bath after she made a mess of a chocolate treat._

Recognizing the Commanding Officer aboard the _Titus Andronicus_ , Shinji pushed his smile forward. _Misato says I frown too much. I love you._ Offering himself for the dance, he waited patiently for the officer to speak first. It was difficult, as most things were now becoming for him, but Suzuka's lessons were clear. He outranked most of these people now, in social circles and station in life. His duty to them meant he had to allow them to maintain their honor.

"Your Grace," providing what he'd learned was a 'curtsy', the busty officer had an air of reverence about her as she greeted him. Once he accepted her into his arms, she smiled with a glowing warmth, "I really shouldn't greet you like that, but a formal salute seems so out of place when I see you, you're just…uncomplicated."

"The comfort of people around me is more important to me than formality, Admiral. Do what you feel is best, I promise I wouldn't know the difference," he scanned her face and found little that he could comment on conversationally, though he was confused as to why she seemed so happy. "How is everything aboard the _Titus Andronicus_? I hope nobody has had to spend much time polishing the decks with their tongues."

"You remember," she tittered, sending her cheeks blushing lightly. "Of course you do, that's the kind of man you are, is it not?" Demonstrating a level of grace he wouldn't have expected from a woman of her proportions, she flowed along easily with his movements, "I was somewhat surprised when I found that you didn't require an interpreter to speak in my tongue. Were you simply uncomfortable in your own skills?"

"I have…changed." Snorting at the understatement, he let his self-deprecation carry his smile, "In amongst all of the other changes, I now seem to understand languages that I've never been exposed to. My hope is that I'm not simply imagining it, and am instead actually conversing with people. It'd be terrible if instead of calling you 'charming' I said 'scary', as is somewhat common with people learning my own native tongue."

"I assure you, your accent and diction are flawless." Her blush deepened, "Is it so common to refer to someone as charming, in Japanese?"

"The word can mean 'charming', or 'cute', or 'darling'. There is, it seems, a degree of interpretation needed to convey intent. I once saw a poor woman attempt to compliment a baby to its mother, only to call it 'terrifying'." He winced at the memory, "The poor mother did a great job at clarifying the situation, though I could tell that she was a touch offended." His smile returned as he thought about how the woman apologized profusely, "I wouldn't make that mistake here, though. There are no near-homonyms to charming that I can think of."

Shinji was, and had been, completely ignorant to the positioning of the woman's more prominent assets against his person. As his eyes hadn't strayed below hers, even with the extreme angle the height difference posed, he simply had no visual reference to go by. The pressure against his person was, as it had been since he dressed, numbed by layers of cloth. When Kelly approached, an air of officiousness about her, he missed out on the subtext of what followed.

"Admiral West, Admiral Drake requests your presence." The right hand of the man of the hour bowed in apology, "Pardon us, sir. Your current partner appears to possibly have been overserved. Please, accept my apologies on behalf of the Fleet." Firmly taking the higher-ranking officer in hand, the Navy Lieutenant dragged her off the dance floor.

Catching sight of Admiral Drake himself, Shinji tilted his head in curiosity. _Overserved?_ Trusting that someone standing near the elder officer would understand sign, he gestured 'I wasn't offended. But what does that word mean?'

 _Officers don't get drunk, Pup,_ Maya's laughter carried through her link to him. _They're overserved. It's a euphemism._

 _I'm finding you another partner,_ Suzuka added. _Maya-dono, if I might recommend taking a break with Hikari-chan. She made a comment to her uncle about the 'burdens of diplomacy', I believe she's close to having another episode. Shinji and I will cover for you._

Sparing a glance over to Hikari, just catching Maya as she swept in and made a show of asking for a moment of her new wife's time, Shinji felt his heart sink, _I can't help right now, can I. I need to…I'm going to hate diplomacy for the rest of my life._

 _I'm cuddling with my wife, husband_ , Maya lifted Hikari's hand and both waved cutely at him. Hikari had a far-off smile about her, and Maya was whispering a low string of reassurances. _Nobody is going to judge you for doing what you are honor-bound to do, and Hikari and I can handle what we have to. This is how it is, how it will be, and it is what we agreed to when we put our names on that paper._

Noelle nodded at Suzuka's whisper, then pointed to her side. Vidar's wife asked something he couldn't hear over the music, then shrugged and approached. While he had met the woman before, it hadn't been a formal greeting. _Suzuka, is Noelle upset?_

 _I believe Haraldson-san will explain,_ Suzuka floated from table to table, continuing her job of rotating various groups through his dance card. _She asked for a later slot, but seemed eager for her chance._

"Your Grace," the aura of the woman before him seemed oddly familiar, and when she presented herself with an elaborate curtsy, he placed the memory.

 _She reminds me of Rei Hino._ Bowing deeper than he believed his instructor would like, Shinji treated the woman before him with the same reverence he held for that group of five young ladies that challenged evil, "Holy One." Offering himself for the dance, he was rewarded with a knowing grin and a wink.

"I told my husband you were no fool," falling into his rhythm without hesitation, she squeezed his arm. "I see that you wore her today. On behalf of the idiot I married, I thank you for including us in your ceremony."

"Her?" Shinji blinked, quickly determining her intent, "Oh, the knife! Yes, I…well, with the way everything has gone lately I kind of…well I felt more comfortable having something I'm familiar with wielding to defend everyone if this event managed to continue the trend of my life."

Hair the color of honey framed a face that held far more than it shared in words, "She'll serve you well, if you hold her in such high regard. Have you considered my note?"

 _Crabapples._ Clenching his eyes, he shook his head slowly, "I am sorry, Holy One. I had meant to, and…I won't make excuses. I did not. It fell by the wayside, and I apologize."

"Psh," she rolled her eyes, "more manners from a man I've met twice than I receive from the man I love. It is nothing to be rushed, Your Grace. I have had many years of acquaintance with poor Noelle and have seen a change for the better of late. When you can, consider what I have to say. See if it perhaps matches what you believe to be true. The first part I will share with you now," standing on the toes of one foot, she pressed a kiss to his lips. "Thank you." Completing the motion without missing a beat in the dance, she smiled on him as a mother might, "Your willingness to risk on her behalf, to help her face the demons of her past, speaks of a heart that will tolerate no evil. I will, now that I may in person, thank your wives as well. The three of you had no reason to include her that evening in your bed other than an abundance of generosity, and we both know there is precious little of that at times."

He blushed, her phrasing creating images in his head that he had more than once idly considered, "She's a good woman, and I hate seeing anyone suffer…but I truly hate seeing good people suffer."

"And there is much good in Noelle Minders," silence carried them through several measures of music, the woman in his arms content to let what she'd had to say percolate in his mind. Moving as one with the earth beneath her feet, there was little that appeared to escape her notice, and he found her guiding him to facing various sights that he otherwise might have missed.

Nozomi and Sakura were giggling as Pen-Pen chastised Misato for something, the Sub-Commander hamming up her regret for falling short of the bird's expectations. Ritsuko stood talking with several of the officers from the Fleet, the UN military members hanging on her words and taking notes on napkins. General Benoit, Admiral Drake, and Commander Fuyutsuki were seen to be smiling over drinks, each sober as a judge despite the obvious alcoholic nature of the content of their cups. Everywhere he was turned, despite the entire time seemingly in control of the dance, he saw that there was happiness.

"You are, by nature, dour," she slid back as the song ended. "If you look for the worst of life, Your Grace, you are sure to find it. My recommendation is to perhaps, instead, spend some time looking for what the gods see fit to bless you with." Curtsying again, she gave him that knowing grin she seemed to favor, "Or don't. I'm merely a Priestess in a foreign land."

Bowing at their parting, Shinji beckoned for Kelly as Suzuka informed his next partner. The redhead jogged over, and before she could say anything he waved for patience, "I need you to send me a reminder to read a note I received from…I am such an asshole." He frowned as he mentally berated himself, "I still don't know her name."

Putting things together easily, his right hand gestured subtly to the woman he'd last danced with, "Jorth Haraldson? That's what I saw on the seating chart." Offering her hand, she kept her tone lowered, "Do you have the note on you?"

"No, it's at home. On the same table as the stack of letters I should be working through." Waiting as she tapped out a note on her omnipresent phone, he ran the name several times through his mind, "Jorth. As soon as I noticed she was something of a priestess, I simply called her 'Holy One' and let it go."

"Which is fine, since we're all using titles, Your Grace," Kelly smiled soothingly. "You're still adjusting to being a social creature, and those skills take time to develop even in professionals." Waggling her phone, she tilted her head, "Anything else, or can the dance continue?"

He favored her with a rueful smile, "No, thank you, Kelly. I'm starting to see why people insisted I have you around, I'd be lost otherwise." As she turned away to be about helping Suzuka organize everything, Shinji turned and saw Rei standing there slightly awkwardly, "Ah, Rei, is it our turn finally?"

"I have been ordered by the Sub-Commander to present myself, Your Grace," the fight against the Tenth Angel hung heavily from her shoulders. "If you do- oh!"

Sweeping her into a dance, Shinji made a mental note to thank the band. They always seemed to know the type of dance he wanted to share with each of the ladies, "Last night…well, more this morning, I had something of an argument with Asuka." The energetic movements of the dance gave Rei the opportunity to show her inhuman grace and dexterity, and him the chance to stretch his legs out some as he talked, "You see, she wanted to stay away from me until she was done being angry at herself over something she couldn't have controlled. I wanted, instead, for her to take a walk with me. Tell me if this starts to sound familiar," he winked playfully down at the bluenette.

Blushing prettily, the pilot of Unit-00 managed to maintain her balance despite her traditional dress, "I would not wish to have an argument, especially not one in public, Your Grace."

"Stop that," he chided gently. "Rei, you are my wingman. When I was there barely holding Sahaquiel up, you pushed your way to my side. When I was losing two on one to Israfel, you pushed your way to my side. I am _not_ going to keep score, and I am _not_ going to accept one of the most precious people in my life putting distance between us. I meant what I said on the floor of my living room, you are irreplaceable, Rei Ayanami. I swear that the day I lose you will be one of the darkest of my life."

"As you say…Sh-Shinji," the rare stammer from the typically close-lipped alabaster beauty as she looked down and to the side brought a smile to his face.

"There you go, you remembered my name." Making the decision to stop treating either of his fellow pilots as anything but the dear friends he wanted them to be, he set about teasing her into laughing if he had to dance with her all night. "It isn't like it's exceptionally hard or uncommon. I mean it's not like my last name, that's the same sound as 'anger' or 'anchor', can you imagine that? An angry anchor. Just scowling at you while sinking stubbornly to the bottom?"

"I wouldn't wish to imagine you as angry, or as sinking," her eyes came back to his.

"Then it's a good thing I'm neither," lifting her to twirl her about, he was amazed at how light she felt in his grasp. "I'm flying through clear blue skies, Rei. I have family, friends, partners…I have hope. If I struggle, I have you, I have Asuka, I'm not alone. Unlike some people, I'm willing to make use of that fact." Sweeping her into a dip, he held her for a beat with their eyes locked, "I'd sure like to know that you weren't thinking about just sitting back and letting life float past. You only have the one, and I want to see you spread your wings and soar with me."

Flowing back to her feet, she began to tentatively join with him in letting go and dancing, "You know of my…parentage."

"Not really," he shrugged. "I know the two people involved, though nowhere near enough to know who makes what and how. The circumstances of how you came into this world don't matter to me, it only matters that you're here by my side. If it matters to you, I'll do whatever I can to help you find the truth."

"We…may be related," she hesitated. "If we are that would…." Her voice trailed off as she drifted towards introspection again.

Cutting her off from drifting, he interrupted her thoughts efficiently, "Mean very little, or a whole lot, depending on what you want it to mean." The two began a complex sequence of steps, Rei matching him stride for stride, only in reverse. "Rei, you could be my sister, my mother, my aunt, my friend, my partner, my companion, a complete stranger, it doesn't matter. What do _you_ want to be?"

She considered him for a time, "What if you do not want what I want?"

"Then we talk about it," the offer was easy to make, and completely heartfelt, "and you tell me why you think we should do what you want. I tell you why I think we should do what I want. Then we both make offers about what we're willing to give to get what we want, and the entire time we keep the fact that we truly want the other in our life first and foremost in our minds."

"I am not an easy individual to come to an accord with," she cautioned. "I am far more willing to simply acquiesce to what you would desire, or bow to your orders."

"You'll need patience?" He made the question seem like the most difficult, mind numbing task possible, "How could you, Rei?" Hoisting her up into a spin, he caught her and held her close, to where their faces were centimeters apart, "It's my job to be the one that needs a lot of patience. So cruel, stealing my job!" Pulling her down, he touched their noses, "Boop."

A laugh born of the sudden turn to the absurd bubbled up from her chest, and before she could stifle it she giggled. The look of shock and the full crimson blush that followed thrilled him to see.

"Got ya," setting her down as the song ended, a victorious smile lit his face. "You should laugh more, Rei. Our lives suck hard enough on their own, we don't need to gift the world any points to increase the difficulty." Turning, holding her hand, to recognize the general applause for the show the two had put on, he lifted her arm up and introduced her with his free hand as the 'champion', "Ladies and gentlemen, friends and family, the Pilot of Unit-00, Rei Ayanami." The sound of applause increased, cheers and cries of approbation coming from all corners. Forcing her to turn to address each source of applause, he kept her as the focus of the moment. Looking back after the last turn, he placed one giant hand against her cheek, "You are valued beyond the ability for words to describe, Rei. Never forget that."

+++++ 11th Angel + 1: Thursday (70)

Shinji continued to work his way through a dance with the seemingly endless list of women that wanted a turn with him, his inability to become tired, hungry, or thirsty helping him satisfy everyone he could. Slowly the guests began to have to leave, forced by long trips back to their duty stations, their homes, or their obligations to depart from a place that radiated with fellowship and happiness. Taking a slow turn around the floor with Noelle, he listened more than spoke as the pilot shared what had happened as he slept.

Her choice of wearing the uniform skirt, as opposed to the uniform pants that she typically chose, displayed exceptionally well-toned legs as it flared out with her movements, "Yer family pulled t'gether, they did." She patted his hip, pride for her new friends filling her as she concluded, "Ye'd be right proud of them all at the sight." With her story mostly finished, she couldn't resist asking, "So, what's yer plans fer the evenin'?"

"No idea," shrugging the one shoulder that wasn't attached to the smaller pilot, he let his lips bunch off to the side. "Not going to risk anything, I think. We're still stuck on base, and this isn't exactly the place for romance."

"Aye, aye," her face mirrored his quickly. "That's a downer, ain't it? I mean, it's yer weddin' night! That's supposed to be when babies get made, damn it!"

"Why won't babies be made?" Misato hugged Noelle from behind, joining in the dance and sandwiching the pilot between her and Shinji, "I mean, it might interfere a little with her job, but Maya isn't combat operations. She can work and be preggers."

"Because he has t' be here," Noelle looked up, her head directly between Misato's more prominent assets. "Do ye want yer child t'be manufactured in a hospital bed where anyone kin hear?"

"Why would you be here?" The violet-haired colonel frowned, "You're all going home tonight. With the military setting up camp, you're just as safe there as you are here, I thought I mentioned that earlier."

"One, you did not," Shinji gave her a flat look. "Two, what about Sakura-chan? Is she going back to the hospital?" He looked over to where Hikari and Maya were dancing with the injured Suzuhara held cautiously between them, "Will she be safe there?"

"She is staying put," Misato shook her head. "We've transferred her care to Rits, who eagerly volunteered to take care of the treatments personally. PT will be done by the Corpsmen, and her father will be able to know precisely where she is at all times. After 'Perfume' somehow managed to nab one of her ribbons, and we still don't know how that happened, your insisting that she be protected enabled me to charge the UN for hosting her here. Private hospice care at public hospice care prices, happier Sakura-chan, easier for Nozomi-chan to visit, it's just better this way."

"…I'd like to look into taking over responsibility for her, if anything happens to her father, or if he has to permanently be reassigned to handle Toji-kun's mess." His eyes shifted back to his former guardian's, "She's involved, like it or not. I will not half-ass someone's life, Misato. Her school is here, her friends are here, I have a house big enough for the entire command staff…please help me do what's right."

"If that's what you want," lifting her fingers to demonstrate a quick surrender while keeping her arms wrapped around Noelle's shoulders, she didn't put up a fight. "You were right about everything so far, and you've continued to balance work and home. I see no reason why I should stand in the way if it becomes necessary."

Stepping forward, he picked both women up from the ground into a hug with one great arm wrapped around each, "Thank you. Both of you. I know you both had more of a hand in making today happen than you'll admit, and now that I know I can go home…I can help Hikari rest."

"She'll heal, eventually," Misato mistook his concern for lingering fears over the brain surgery. "It's been far too exciting since she got out of surgery, and I doubt that a month is enough for her to be in top form."

"Sure," squeezing them again, he set them on their feet. "Sure. It's just…difficult to say…. Stuff, you know?" He let the ambiguity of everything cover over for his poor skills at lying, "She's my wife now."

"She is," Noelle hopped up on her toes and pressed a kiss to his lips. "I'm off t' get my dance in wit' her afore ye scoot." Wiggling her fingers as she waved, the blonde firecracker bounced and waved as she approached the ladies of the day, calling for her turn with the 'Light'.

"She's a good person," Shinji gently rubbed Misato's shoulder as they watched the ladies all laugh at a joke Sakura-chan had made. "You both are."

"I could be better," Misato replied cryptically. "I'm going to go see what Pen-Pen and Rei-chan are up to, because I haven't seen either for about ten minutes and that worries me." Giving him a warm hug and kiss, she too left to go see what chaos was able to be caused elsewhere, leaving Shinji to his own devices.

 _Suzuka?_ He stood with his posture closed off to conversation, looking as if he were frowning off towards the horizon lost in thought. _Please tell me good news._

 _Two more, though I'd still prefer only the one. I do not like the way she feels, Shinji._ The swordswoman sat next to both the elder and younger Xu, her eyes focused on him across the distance, _You are free to do as you will._

 _He will always be free to do as he will,_ Maya stated firmly. Walking over to join Suzuka with Sakura in her wheelchair, his 'older' wife kept her smile in place despite the force of her words, _Because he loves us, he will be cautious._

 _Always,_ turning around he wasted no time in heading directly to where Asuka was speaking with a group of younger female officers from the Fleet. As he approached from her rear, the uniformed ladies saw what she did not, and as one they locked up at the position of attention for what they recognized as a vastly, if informally, superior officer. "At ease, ladies," Shinji inclined his head politely. "I'm just here to remind Two that she owes me a dance."

"Your Grace," the most senior saluted, before signaling for everyone in her cadre to relax. "It was a fantastic ceremony, if I may say so."

"A little more fancy than I wanted," he smiled, "but if it makes Hikari and Maya happy…I'd go through far more for that." Positioning himself to direct the now clearly embarrassed redhead to the floor, he offered his elbow, "That dance?"

"You should be dancing with your wife, either of them," she whispered hotly, a blush building in her cheeks.

"I've danced with them three times, separately and together. This is a celebration, and I want to celebrate with the people I love." Keeping his elbow extended, he raised his eyebrow, "Do I have to insist?" Looking back to the officers, he deployed his latest weapon, "I was off on my own this morning, as both Maya and Hikari wanted to prepare without me underfoot, and so I went to find Two here for a walk. Clear my head and whatnot, you know, before the big day. When I knocked-"

"HOW ABOUT THAT DANCE," Asuka grabbed his elbow and proceeded to haul him onto the dance floor. Placing herself in his grasp, she pushed them into motion in what could best be described as a mixture of three dance types, "Dancing. See?" Her face nearly matched her Eva for coloration as she glared up at him, "What was that all about?"

Slowing the dance down to match the music, Shinji smiled calmly and took the lead back from his one-time housemate, "I'm not going to let you push me away anymore, Asuka. You told me that when you want something, you push for it. Yet somehow, despite you wanting to be my friend, you stopped pushing. Now, either I did something that upset you, or you took my request for patience far too seriously. I realized that the former was unlikely, you're not the kind of woman to simply let a slight stand. That meant the latter, and with how confused my life has been the past few weeks? I think I made a mistake in not giving you something to push on."

"Ok…that's actually kind of well-reasoned," flicking her hair out of the way, her glare dropped to a loose frown. "What changed that suddenly brought on this bout of…decisiveness? Back on the ' _Rainbow_ you would have blamed yourself automatically."

"I had a lot of time to think, recently, and I realized I was the biggest obstacle to my own success." Spinning her in a lazy circle, he kept their motions small, "You played a part in helping me realize that. It's why I saved your dance for second to last, when there would be fewer people, and you wouldn't have to be quite so much the center of attention." He watched as her frown faded, though the blush remained, "If it were up to what _I_ wanted, I would have danced with Hikari and Maya, then Misato, then you, then Rei."

"Me before Rei?" Letting herself be carried through, she relaxed into his aura, "You've known her longer. Shouldn't that take precedence?"

"You're older," he shook his head. "Between two equals, the eldest takes the honor. I don't view you, or her, as more, or less, essential to everything I've done. I don't see either of you and wish you were more like the other." He smiled his warmest smile, and shifted the topic closer to what he wanted from her, "Instead, I danced with everyone else. I enjoyed dancing with Ritsuko, I even enjoyed dancing with the Prime Minister. She had some interesting ideas about helping Hikari reach higher and farther that I'd like to see happen. This may be our day," he tossed his head towards his wives, "but I wanted to show my gratitude for the irreplaceable people in my life." _I wish I could fix whatever is eating at you, Asuka. You don't deserve to suffer through whatever this is._

"Hardly irreplaceable," she looked away. "You've only known me a month or so."

"I knew Hikari one day," with one great finger on her chin, he brought her eyes back to his. "I'm quick to make up my mind about who I do and don't want around. So what's changed? It wasn't that long ago that you thought I was avoiding you."

"I…don't ask me today," reaching up she took his finger and held onto it, but removed it from her chin. "Of all days, not today. Just dance with me," placing his hand back on her shoulder, she leaned into him, placing her head against his torso and hiding her face. "If I'm so irreplaceable, we'll have other days to talk…about things."

+++++ 11th Angel + 1: Thursday (70)

"So, everyone but me knew we were going home?" Shinji smirked, "Figures. Misato has something of a streak going with not telling me things, it'd be odd for her to break character now." With Hikari on his left arm, and Maya on his right, he swayed about to the tune of a fairly popular 'last song'. Both women put up only token resistance to him carrying them through the last dance, rather than moving through it on their own feet. Each admitted their shoes weren't designed for the number of dances they'd had, though both declared firmly they'd not regret their choices.

"Uncle told me," Hikari's smile was undimmed and undimmable, "said that it was the 'lesser gift the Prime Minister presented us'." Gesturing over to the table that was still stacked with boxes, envelopes, bags, and other means of concealing treasures despite a concerted effort by the Shirakami to remove them for transportation, she laughed, "We are going to have a task ahead of us tomorrow."

"Xu-san made sure that each gift was tagged and recorded as to who gave us which, but not what," Maya was slumped against Shinji, having spent a great deal of energy on the day between physical motion and mental communication. "Unwrapping, assessing, cataloguing, writing the thank you notes, that's all going to be up to us." A small giggle escaped her lips, "I'm married."

"Oh, is that what we did today?" Hikari clapped her hands over her mouth in mock surprise, "I thought I was signing a lease!"

"I've been told today that I'm the size of a house," Shinji mused, playing along. "Am I really just a rental?"

"Bought and paid for, sir," Maya batted at his chest. "I'll have no peace at all once word makes its way back to my old farm village. Ma is going to guilt trip me something terrible for not bringing them down after the day blew up like this." With a sleepy smile on her face, she giggled again, "Because I'm married now."

"You had better not be too tired to finish what we started today," Hikari tapped Maya with her toes. "When we get home, we have a bath, a shower, and a bedroom that all have our names on them. Nozomi-chan is going to stay here with Kodama and Sakura-chan." She glanced at Shinji, "Her wedding gift to us."

"I saw you two dancing," he nodded. "Are things…better?"

"We had a talk," looking up at the sky, the stars glittering in a sea of deep blue, her voice spoke of the mix of emotions her heart felt at the topic. When she looked back to him, she shrugged, "I never stopped loving her, and what follows from here will come with better understanding of what each of us thinks and needs. I think you could say it's better, if only because I understand her heart more now."

"Well, you _are_ a Duchess by marriage now, that's one of the secret powers you get," Maya grinned, before blinking. "I guess we both are."

"Duchess Hikari Ikari, and Duchess Maya Ikari," Shinji glowed with the pleasure he felt at officially belonging to someone. As the song ended, he set them down carefully, "You know that I would have been perfectly happy for you to keep your names. There was no need to take mine."

"I'm traditional, Shinji," Hikari held his left arm loosely, "despite what our marriage may seem to indicate with us being more than a single man and woman. I've looked forward to taking your name since the day I met you. I wanted this, and now I have it." A self-satisfied grin grew on her face, "I've even practiced writing it down. I'll show you the notebook when we get home."

"I could have gone either way," Maya kept her balance on his right arm, "but Hikari wanted to change hers. If I kept mine, ultimately it would have looked odd to outsiders. A name is a name, to me. I'm proud of my accomplishments, I love my parents, but the name 'Ibuki' isn't the cause of either of those. I'm now Maya Ikari, but I'm still just 'Maya'."

"Never that," Shinji disagreed. "You are many things, Your Grace, but as someone who helped me understand that I am more than 'just Shinji'…you've never been 'just Maya'."

"I agree," Hikari reached across Shinji's chest and touched her wife softly. "You've made us more complete, and no simple person could have done that. Not once have you been jealous, or bitter, or petty. When we asked you to join us, you sought balance, and peace. When he's had to go out to fight, you've been by his side. When I've needed comfort, you've held me close. This isn't just our story, Maya. The three of us are writing something grand, and whatever comes after…you'll be a huge part of it."

Moving over to the band, Shinji reached into the fold in his belt. "Excuse me, miss?"

The singer, a slip of a woman that had an amazingly powerful vocal range hidden somewhere in that slender frame, stopped her efforts to tear down the equipment for transportation and bowed, "Oh, Your Grace! Did you need another song? I'm sorry, we were-"

"No, no," pulling out four envelopes filled with a personal thanks and a generous tip, he extended them to the woman before him. "Please, with our utmost gratitude. Your band helped make this day something we'll always treasure, we are exceedingly grateful."

"Oh," taking the envelopes, she hesitated, "we…uhm, well we were already paid by Nanako-chan. You really don't have to go out of your way, Your Grace."

"Consider it a deposit," Maya offered. "There are likely to be times in the future that we'll need a talented group of musicians. What better way to encourage you to keep your calendar open for us, hmm?" Even as tired as she was, her rapid thinking picked up on ways to help Shinji accomplish what he'd desired, "Please, we truly are thankful."

"Well…if you put it like that," she bowed again. "Thank you. All of us appreciate everything you are doing, stopping the aliens from killing everyone. We hope that all of you have a long, happy marriage."

"A marriage we should get them moving towards enjoying," Nanako approached with a friendly smile. "You three have a ride waiting, let us finish taking care of everyone." Interposing herself between Shinji and the band, she began to make shooing motions, "Give me the envelopes, I promise they'll be distributed. Don't let the moon set without completing your new husbandly duties, it's terrible luck."

Where once Shinji might have blushed, he simply inclined his head, "I will be guided by my elders." Handing over the other envelopes he'd created to be certain that people were paid for the work they'd performed, he let his hand linger as Nanako took it in both of her own, "Thank you, Nanako. Let me know what else you'll need, and I'll see it done."

"It'll be a great time, Shinji. I'll make sure it is." Patting his wrist, she made another series of motions to hurry them along, "Go, go. Don't waste the night."

Turning about, he kept his pace slow enough that both women on his arms could keep up without problem. The world around him seemed brighter, the people happier. Where just the day before there was a sense of gloom and harried worry, now there was a sense of determination and hope. _I guess a wedding ceremony really was what everyone needed to lift their spirits._

 _Promise_ for _the future can lead to people seeing a promise_ of a _future, Pup._ Maya looked up at him, "What were you and Nanako-san talking about?"

"Mmm?" He shook his head, "Promises I made to people. I'm trying to make sure I keep them all." Stopping for a second, he scooped both women into his arms, cradling them as easily as he would a toddler, "You know, she's right. We're wasting time. Let's get home."

+++++ Author's Notes:

Starfire99:

RE: Waveforms.

I tried to balance as best I could explaining the nature of three-dimensional wave propagation and interference, and not making people light my story on fire. Shinji would, thankfully, have access to a 'prop' as an actor. He'd see what Dark showed him, and that would be enough for a live-studio audience. If I had Dark go full teaching mode, most of my precious few readers would either tune out or get bogged down in pointless detail. Simply put, as Dark said, she doesn't know what she was looking at, but she knew what she was looking at wasn't good. She's going to investigate, and the audience will know when she does.

RE: Harem.

I'm loathe to call what's happening a harem, in that both Hikari and Maya could be with each other and only each other and that'd work out just fine. They'd both miss Shinji terribly, but they'd still love each other just as much. Will others be added in? Dunno. A number of characters want to, but the rules for joining are strict and unyielding, save for the exception of Kodama who gets a pass on part of the rules. (Hikari isn't like that.)

Martial Arts Master:

RE: Princess.

Only in the loosest sense. I have precious little experience with Her Imperial Highness, save for a chance encounter where I stood phenomenally still as a rather nice pair of people stood by me politely threatening me with grievous bodily harm if I so much as breathed wrong. Seemed nice enough, don't know enough to write about her.

RE: Yumi Ozawa.

I see the chance to sneak in some SMT? I'll sneak in some SMT.


	85. Chapter 85

+++++ 11th Angel + 2: Friday (71)

The house was still, his wives long since gone to dreams of the pleasant moments they'd shared together. With the excess of energy he was either cursed or blessed with, depending on your perspective, Shinji spent some time going through the house to see for himself that nothing had been damaged during his absence. It was evident that someone had come through and cleaned each day, and just as evident that nothing had been unduly disturbed. Checking through the room he intended to offer Suzuka, he carefully made use of each part of the chambers. Drawers, doors, faucets, everything that would be used was used to check for defects.

 _One typically has servants for such tasks, Your Grace,_ Nyx' voice introduced her as she alighted along his back, her bare chest pressing against his equally bare skin. _Falling for another woman already? I'm starting to wonder if I'll ever have a moment of your time._

 _I made a promise, Nyx. She is sworn to me for all eternity, and that comes with the obligation to see to her care. A sword that is not well-maintained breaks when you need it most._ Reaching behind him, he swept her around before him, _My time is no longer finite._ Holding her, seated on his hand and forearm, he shook his head, _I know that eventually everyone else will die. I've asked you to give me some time, we've only known each other for a pair of months._

 _You told the insane one you make your mind up quickly,_ she challenged.

 _I want you around, Nyx. That's why I'm fighting with Dark over her desire to simply kill you._ Setting his thumb on her cheek, he lightly caressed her, _Everything else is what I need time on. You saw what happened when Kodama pressured me, is that what you want to have happen? Do you want me to push you further aside? You may feel that us…sharing…is inevitable. You may likely be right. But inevitable isn't right now, so please…patience._

Her luminous eyes carried her desire, _Never have I been denied so, Lover. You give so freely with one hand, and yet hold back on the simplest things with the other. I am a being of, and for, affections. Where your Light needs food, I require the touch the one I love provides. I can sense you desire me, I can hear your thoughts about me. Do you have nothing, not the tiniest gift, that you can offer me for my patience?_

Shinji considered the matter, maintaining the gentle touches that pacified the mercurial being he held. If what she said was true, and he was starving her, that would not be the actions of a true partner. He would be treating her unequally to what she gave him, and thereby violating his promise to her. He could ask her if what she said was true, but that would indicate he felt her duplicitous, and she had yet to truly ever act in such a manner. Her truths could hide things, but they were never false that he could see.

Turning towards the door, he carried her from the room, _Not in here. This is to be Suzuka's room. I would not act freely with her in a room of yours, I will not treat her with less respect._

 _Mmmm,_ she purred. _Might I one day have one of these rooms to call my own?_ Trailing her toes along his abs, she gave him a smoky grin, _Someplace for our baths and touches?_

 _I can't see the future,_ opening the door to the spare room, he slipped in quietly. _That's Hikari, Kodama, and Nozomi-chan. But I intend to begin as I mean to carry on, and any space that belongs to another will be considered sacrosanct under my roof. No spying, no invasions, no fooling around with childish pranks._ Setting her on the edge of the bed, he knelt before her.

With his size, she found herself face to face with the young man she'd guided through the destruction of infinite realities. The Second Angel, the Mother of all life on Earth, the Matron of Night sat gazing into eyes that no longer played host to the fear they once did. Gone was the trepidation, the anxious worry that he might earn her disfavor and suffer. Instead, before her, knelt the beginnings of what she'd long desired to craft, _You've done some thinking._

 _I had some time on my hands, recently._ He knew she was fully aware of his years spent in Sahaquiel's Realm. More than once he'd seen her try to reach him, only to discover that the barrier was too complete, too powerful. It taught him much, it taught him that she was not nearly as all-powerful as he'd thought, though still powerful enough to ruin his life should he not keep his word. _It was…uncomfortable, at first. Watching as…as he tried to keep them from panicking. Sachiel, Shamshel, and Ramiel combining their forces to try and carve a hole for me to reach through…._ Shifting forward, he laid her back on the bed, lying alongside her and touching his lips to her cheek, _Sahaquiel is the strongest of all of them. It's not even a close contest._ His left hand trailed along her neck, his fingers stroking a line along her sternum, _If the Angel of Strength can top even her, I'll be unstoppable._

Nyx' breath caught as his touch reached below where her navel would have been, _W-We'll be…._ Clenching her fists as his hand stopped, she looked over in desperate frustration, _Please? More?_

 _We'll be equals,_ there was no mercy in his gaze. _I told you on the track, I am responsible for every life on this planet now. I will have your word that whatever happens, so long as I try my hardest to keep my word, that we are_ equals _._ _Suzuka had no reason to swear unyielding loyalty to me. She may be fond of me, but ultimately she doesn't_ need _me. She sees in me something greater, something that has a chance of bringing peace to this land she loves. If I am to be a man worthy of that honor, I will not accept half-oaths from anyone. We will win, or we will die, as a team._ Pressing harder, he gave a hint of promise to soothe the demand.

 _Victory or death?_ Her chest rose and fell rapidly as she could nearly taste what he was holding back, _Is that what you ask for?_

 _If I fail…if I fall,_ smoothing his open hand down the inside of her thigh, he let his weight press against her, _you will protect what remains. Hikari, Maya, Suzuka…my family. As I will protect your children, humanity, I will expect you to protect mine._ Shifting his fingers so he dragged the edge of his nails against her skin, he reversed the course of his hand back towards center, _That includes Dark. I swore to protect her, so long as she fights for my family._

Pleasure soared through her being, and the powerful Angel's toes clenched, _L-Let m-me on top. Please. A-Anything, I'll give anything!_

Swinging his leg over hers, he used his weight to hold her in place, _Not. Tonight._ Recovering his hand, he sat up slowly, _You asked for a gift for your patience, and I have given you what I believe to be equal to the patience you've shown._ Standing up, he looked down on the form of a woman that demanded he give in to his lusts, _If you want more, you earn it. Nothing in this world is without cost, and I am paying through my eyes for what I have. Convince Maya, convince Hikari._ He pointed a hard finger at her, _Convince. Not coerce, not threaten, not cajole. I will have nothing to do with someone who uses threats or empty promises to win their way into my bed, or my heart._

Floating up swiftly, she smiled with a near-mad passion as she stopped face to face with him, _When I finally have you, I'm going to make you go blind._ Pressing her lips against his, a butterfly landing atop a flower, she faded from sight, _You're realizing your power._

His gaze lost focus as he looked beyond the veil of the world, "…paying through my eyes…."

+++++ 11th Angel + 2: Friday (71)

"Again," climbing to his feet, Shinji picked up his practice spear. "I think I see where I failed, the footwork for this is a lot different than for a knife." Setting his footing, he tightened his grip on the haft of his weapon, "You're expected to keep your base further apart, and I keep sliding my feet together for the close-in work."

"Excellent," Suzuka nodded. "Your instincts are coming along, as are your insights." Setting herself in position to attack, she raised her eyebrow, the question obvious.

"Begin." Two warriors seemed to fly directly towards each other, the first five blows and counter-blows already prepared and waiting for their turn. The clack-clack-clack of wood against wood shivered through the crisp morning air, the fog from their breath swirling and dancing as the wind itself bowed to their motions. His word given, Shinji held nothing back any longer. The woman's oath in his soul deserved no less than complete dedication to the task. Perfume would give them no quarter, and so they must not allow themselves any mercy.

Between two moves, an opening was spotted that he once would have attempted to assault. Recognizing the bait for what it was, he instead redoubled his efforts at the line of attack he'd opened with. A sideways slash, an attempted recovery on her part for his not buying what she sold, was swatted down, tipping her forward and allowing him to slap her across the top of the head with the staff-end of the weapon.

Jumping back, his point scored, he jammed the haft into the ground and leapt into the air, pumping his fist and crowing, "I saw it! I finally saw it!" Laughing, he landed and swept her up into a hug, "You have hit me with that same bait at least a dozen times, and I finally stopped myself from being an idiot!" Spinning her about, he let his good mood linger, "It is so stupidly obvious, and I finally didn't bite…."

"I presume this is not a morning for decorum?" While her words were harsh, her tone was well-pleased.

Settling her onto her feet, he kept his hands on her shoulders, "Tell me that you aren't happy I wasn't picking myself up off the ground for the thirteenth time. Lie to me, Suzi." His smile was infectious, "No, that was not my first point. No, I didn't 'win' the match. But that's the first solid bit of progress on something I've long failed at in weeks. I couldn't even stop myself when I was using the knife."

"I never said that I was ill-amused." Adjusting his training uniform, she had the ghost of a smile about her lips that came out whenever she was happy, "I simply wondered if perhaps your evening was sufficiently satisfying that you feel no need to be subtle about your good fortune."

Tapping her nose, he smirked, "A gentleman never kisses and tells."

"Unfortunately, many members of the peerage are only gentlemen in title," her nose wrinkled cutely in disdain. "I am genuinely happy to see you in better spirits today, Shinji. I only hope that you continue on the path to recovery, so that the darkness I sense hanging about you is truly dispelled."

He nodded, accepting that she would see the unease he was shoving aside, "I'm making my best effort. This morning…was uncomfortable." He held up his hand to bid for patience and clarified, "Nothing to do with my wives, so don't worry."

Her hands lingered on his belt, "If there is aught I may do to be of assistance…?"

"You will be the first to know," he assured her. "Now, let's see if I can avoid following up my display of nearly novice level perceptiveness with something less worthy of your teachings." Squeezing her shoulders, he stepped back, "You know, actually seem like I know what I'm doing, for once?"

"One must walk before they run, my friend," rotating her sword playfully, she winked. "Let us not move too far ahead of ourselves, shall we?"

+++++ 11th Angel + 2: Friday (71)

"Agent, mind if I ask you a question?" The newly assigned Captain of the Guard for Shinji and his family, a no-nonsense woman that was surprised at her selection over several other better qualified candidates, looked over to Akane as the two women sat at the entry point to his compound, "Why are we wasting time with antiquated weapons when he should be learning to use his body and a PDW? Is this a hobby?" Before the two women was a monitor showing the camera feed from outside the house, Shinji and Suzuka doing their level best to upend the other.

"He hates violence," Shinji's most favored protector said with a shrug. "And believe me, the briefing wasn't us yanking your chain. If you need a live fire demo, I'll arrange one. You against him, fifty meter, twenty five meter, and ten meter distance. You can choose whatever firearm you want, and I'll choose the beer you're buying after he feeds it to you with nothing but his bare hands."

Her mood darkened, "So the rumors are true?"

"Which ones?" Wincing as Shinji was slapped backwards then kicked into the ground, she shook her head, "Needs to watch his elbows, holding them in too tight."

"We were assigned here because they just wanted bodies, not because they were serious about guarding him." Her close-cropped hair failed to hide the clenching of her temples as she ground her teeth together, "I guess that's why they chose me."

"I chose you," Akane corrected. "Your scores on the bullshit test were the best of your cert. You have a keen eye for traps, details that others might overlook as unimportant, and you see through lies quickly." Taking her eyes from the screen, she looked significantly at the military officer, "We're sitting here this morning at oh dark thirty watching him from a distance so I can get it through to you that _he_ is not the one we're protecting. _He_ will tear any and everything apart that threatens those he loves. He's studying with her, because she is the scariest human I've ever seen." Standing, she opened the door to the shack, "Come on. Time for introductions. You've seen enough to ask the question, you've seen enough to see the answer."

Moving quickly to trail her counterpart, the uniformed officer checked her uniform before following. Even if she was only a show piece, she still didn't want to lose points for looking unprofessional. This assignment wasn't permanent, and her career wouldn't be completely stunted by a ceremonial position. "I can spin this as a positive," she sighed. Catching up with the far too loose seeming agent, she asked the important question, "Does he prefer 'sir' or 'Your Grace'?"

"He prefers his name," Akane chuckled. "Hey, kid!" Waving, she caught his attention as they walked within polite yelling distance, "Got a second?"

Blocking another two strikes, Shinji jumped back out of range so that he could separate from his sparring partner enough to incline his head politely and smile broadly at his favorite bodyguard, balancing what Suzuka demanded and he preferred, "Good morning, Akane." Tilting his head, he appeared to search his memory, "Captain Honda, correct?" Jabbing his spear into the ground, he dusted off his hands, "My apologies, Captain. I hadn't expected you and your team until later this morning. It's a pleasure to meet you."

"Good, you actually read the report," Akane walked over and patted his cheek. "Now, for the bonus points, can you tell me why she was chosen for this duty?"

Reaching out and pinching the agent's nose, he grinned, "Because you felt that she would interface well with the Shirakami. Her ability to adapt without compromising her duty was a close second. And," he laughed as she crossed her eyes playfully, "because I have a hard time relaxing around men."

Swatting his hand, she frowned, "You weren't supposed to admit that part."

"It is important information for one given the duty of protecting someone to have," Suzuka was busily sizing up the new blood. "If she does not know something, she can not aid him with it."

"Yeah, but she's touchy about it," Akane waved off the swordswoman's point. "Thinks she only got this job because it's ceremonial." Jabbing him in the stomach, she winked, "I need you to show her the trick with the spear. Get her accustomed to the odd stuff so that she doesn't lock up in combat. She needs to know the beast to protect the beast."

"I'm fine with my gender, agent." The Captain maintained her bearing, "I've even found it useful a time or two." Gesturing to his training spear, she made her first mistake, "I've read his jacket. Let's proceed with the demonstration."

Shinji frowned, "That's…an odd thing to lie about." He looked to Akane, then back, "I'm sorry, Captain, I view Akane as something of a surrogate older sister. If our playing about has either embarrassed or annoyed you, you have my apologies."

Akane turned around, "You didn't read his jacket?" Crossing her arms, she waved for Shinji to hold fast, "What, hot date last night?"

"I…how did," catching herself from letting her jaw hang open, she locked up. "My apologies, it was my intention to take care of that later today. I spent last night lost inside of the GeoFront after the briefing, and only got to my quarters four hours before my shift was to begin this morning. Forgive my lapse in discipline, I will self-report to Colonel Katsuragi after the demonstration."

"Whoa, whoa," Shinji waved. "No, that…that won't be necessary. Akane," he stepped to a point beside and between the two women, "you know how confusing that place is to someone who hasn't been there. I'm certain she didn't mean to neglect anything, and four hours is hardly enough time to get sufficient rest after a day full of travel, security screenings, blood tests, and briefings. We can let it go, right?"

"So long as that's the last time she lies." Her eyes were cold agates as they bored into the extremely embarrassed officer, "Few rules the people around the kid here are expected to adhere to more than that one, we don't lie to or around him. You can't say the truth, don't say anything. He'll tear his own arm off to save our sorry asses, and all he asks for is the truth. HUA?"

"HUA, ma'am," the rote response came out crisply.

"Damn well better be," Akane growled. "Ok, kid. You mind doing a dog and pony with the spear thing?" She waved Suzuka away, "I want to put the point down firmly about what it is we're going against. Captain Troubles-With-Truth here needs a first hand experience to get over the nonsense."

"It really is fine, Akane," _Go ahead and move around the side of the house, Suzuka. Let's make the point she wants made._ Shinji took several steps back to make sure nobody was near the anticipated blast zone, "It wasn't a big lie, nor was it really meant to hurt anyone. I've never read my jacket, so I can't say what's in there or not. It's not like I was going to quiz her."

"Yeah, yeah," the fact that her temper was already stoked following Idunn's abrupt departure from the wedding did nothing for her mood, and the agent wanted things to be perfectly crystal clear for the new blood. That Shinji's impromptu display of his talent as a walking lie detector helped her demonstration only just tipped the scales of firing the woman on the spot towards 'not'. "Make with the zappy."

Finding Suzuka's song was simple enough, especially with the close proximity. Holding out his hand and calling her name, _Suzuka_ , split the heavens above him and deposited swordswoman and spear at his disposal. Expecting everything this time made adjusting for it much easier, and allowed him to not have the moment of hesitation from his fight with his latest child, "I've been told that the method I manage this is classified. So I apologize that I won't be able to explain further."

"You." Captain Honda's face held that in between quality of astonished and disciplined that he was familiar with from Misato. "I'm." Both fragments of speech were immediately aborted as she fought against mentally rejecting what well over ninety nine point nine percent of humanity had never been exposed to. Turning to Akane, she nodded, "I take your meaning, ma'am."

Casually holding the spear in both hands, the butt braced in the ground and the tip held diagonally across his body he smiled collegially in hopes that the situation could be recovered enough so that everyone parted as comrades if not moving towards friends, "Will you both be staying for breakfast?" Shinji was able to play off of Suzuka's admonition that he 'behave as a proper host should' to include cooking for those guests that came, "I would love to introduce you to the Duchesses Ikari, Captain."

Akane rubbed her hands, the chance for breakfast at Chez Ikari too good to pass up by staying angry, "Any chance of tamagoyaki with some tuna?"

+++++ 11th Angel + 2: Friday (71)

 _I can say with absolute certainty that the signal is not natural,_ Dark offered with a shrug. _The analysis is ongoing, and it isn't as easy as it would be if I could just bring her to me. You know that if I do that, this whole thing goes sour at light speed._ Standing next to her partner as the field testing of various equipment against his ability to defend against said equipment continued, she kept several graphs up for him to see, _Something like this, I can't think of an application of the level of technology your wife's civilization could produce that would cause this._

 _And now that I know that there's something wrong with Asuka, I'm going to have to work twice as hard to avoid upsetting the apple cart,_ Maya groaned. _Still, I would like to know when you were going to mention she kissed you, Pup._

 _It slipped my mind, I'm sorry._ He scratched at his head contritely, _I was more worried about what caused her to do that, then I was that she'd done it. She wasn't right in her head at the time, and that changed the context significantly from 'she's attracted to me' to 'she's out of control and might hurt herself'. When I called on Shamshel and she collapsed, I kind of figured that she'd remember when she woke up and we'd talk about it. She didn't remember anything, because she didn't say one word about it at the wedding._

 _I'm not upset that you were cheating or anything,_ Maya paused as another shot was fired. _I'm saying that this is information about her mental health that we need to have as her support team. I can order a medical spot check on all three of you, so that she doesn't feel singled out. It might get us something useful. When things happen, you need to tell me._ He felt her bond vibrate without a single lie in the statement, _If you wanted love and affection, you've not been shy about asking for it. I don't think you're going to go to Asuka to find something we're not giving you at home._

 _He's a quality mate, this is quite true,_ Dark smiled approvingly. _I admit that I haven't seen any other bonding ceremonies from your culture to compare against, but it seemed as if everyone at yours enjoyed themselves. Hopefully you found it to your liking?_

 _Could have done without the hours of speeches,_ NERV's chief scientist laughed. _But at least I had a comfortable seat, clear and cool skies, and someone to talk to. The dancing was more fun than I've ever had at an official function, and the meal was the same phenomenal quality I've come to expect from the Blue Crane. Besides,_ he could see her giggling from where he stood, _I'm married._

 _And on that, I'm going to go speak with the woman you are both married to._ Placing her hand over Shinji's heart, the rose-tinted Captain smiled charmingly at Shinji, _Don't be afraid to summon me if you two have any questions that I can help with. You're on the right course, and you know my limitations. Be careful,_ [Static], _I'd hate to see you spend another day or so with people digging through your torso for metal._

After their otherworldly partner had disappeared, Maya called a halt in the testing for the time being so that the MAGI could resolve an argument. Approaching with Ritsuko in tow after the weapons had been properly secured, she signed several orders that a runner had brought before saying anything, "I think we're on the right track. While we let the Engineering team puzzle over the power distribution, why don't we proceed with some more direct analysis of Shinji's other abilities. For all we know, Perfume is able to emulate them too."

"The upper limit on his physical strength is more or less pointless to try and specify, ma'am," Ritsuko shrugged apologetically. "He's basically one uncontrolled sneeze away from snapping the building in half if he's leaning against it. That you two are able to be physically intimate is an unreserved blessing, because lifting several tons and holding a woman the way she ought to be are two very different levels of physical control."

Looking down at his hand and clenching and releasing his fist several times, Shinji nodded, "I've often wondered how I'm able to stop myself from hurting anyone."

"Natural sense of caution," Maya shrugged. "You walk around people that are smaller than you the same way my old Pup did around the neighborhood puppies. If you just barged through everyone and everything, it's likely that you'd seriously harm them. You don't, and so your subconscious mind limits what you're doing as you're doing it."

"His speed is more or less limited to air resistance and friction," Ritsuko continued. "Fast enough to outrun anyone, possibly fast enough to catch up to a vehicle depending on the type. His burst speed, the kind used for sprinting, and his sustained speed, the kind used in marathons, are functionally the same as his body either doesn't produce or doesn't care about the standard chemicals that limit us mere mortals. With the way his hand moves to where the bullet would be if it impacts him, I'd guess that his twitch speed, the kind used for reflexes, is more than adequate to physically 'catch' a bullet, if his skin wouldn't simply be shredded by supersonic alloys."

"Let's not test that," Shinji's wife stated firmly. "I catch wind of anyone," she looked at Shinji, "and I mean _anyone_ , testing that and I'm going to be very hurt."

"Yes dear," Shinji laced his fingers together and let his hands hang before him.

Ritsuko smirked teasingly, "Whipped already? Come on, Shinji, I thought you had a bit more in you lately."

"I didn't say he couldn't," Maya waved off the concept. "I said I'd be hurt. He is free to do what he wants, but he knows the consequences of doing something that would hurt me or Hikari. He doesn't tell me what to do either, he just lets me know how my doing something will affect him. It's up to me, or him, to make the final decision with that information in mind."

"Maya is very serious about that," Shinji offered. "Whenever I ask her what I should do, she always couches the advice in a way that leaves the decision to me. It…makes me feel trusted."

"That's because I do trust you, Pup," tugging him down for a kiss, she smiled happily. "I didn't marry a home improvement project, I married a man. A feeling, thinking, independent human being that is more than capable of figuring out what he wants to do." She giggled, "My husband."

"Ok, that's becoming worrying," Ritsuko looked to Shinji with a pleading expression. "Every time she remembers that the rings she's wearing mean something, she giggles and says either 'I'm married' or 'My wife and-slash-or husband'."

Shinji felt a sudden urge to be serious, and reached out to lightly grip the demi-blonde's shoulder warmly, "I hope that one day someone can make you that happy, Rits. You deserve absolutely nothing less than to be happy, with someone who appreciates you. Or, like us, more than one someone." He gave her a smile that matched the one he offered her months ago, "Whoever they are, they'll be a lucky person indeed."

"And you ask why I giggle?" Maya's eyebrows waggled, "I have _two_ of them. I am _immensely_ happy."

"Well…." Ritsuko couldn't keep holding eye contact with Shinji, and instead looked down to her tablet, "Not everyone is as fortunate as you two have been. Not," her hand twitched apologetically, "that I'm saying you don't deserve your joy. Just…I doubt I'll be as…lucky."

"You don't believe in luck," Maya joined Shinji, holding her former senpai's other arm. "You've always believed in hard work, perseverance, and good data. If what you want isn't aligned with where you are, you just need to either broaden your scope, or work harder to make where you are align. Because honestly? You'll never find what you want if you just sit in a lab and expect it to walk in and slap you on your bum."

"I would caution against anyone walking into Ritsuko's lab and slapping her on…slapping her there," Shinji frowned. "According to HR, that would end with someone being terminated for inappropriate behavior." He tilted his head, "Unless she wanted them to, and sanctioned it in advance. But then she'd already know what she'd find, and then the whole metaphor falls apart." He looked between the two women, both sharing the same perplexed look, "What? I asked the HR Section Chief about something I saw, and once they found the camera footage the person responsible was fired. The poor guy that had his…well he was touched somewhere he didn't want to be, he didn't report anything because he didn't want to be made fun of. I asked his supervisor to encourage him to come forward in the future."

Maya frowned, "…When was this?"

"A couple of weeks ago," he shrugged. "I asked everyone to keep it quiet, since he was embarrassed." Pointing back towards the labs, he made a rolling motion with one finger, "It was upstairs over in the lab area, I was moving through there towards the bridge before the briefing for the operation at Mount Asama."

"And that explains the briefing," Ritsuko snorted. "Everyone in our section got a 'talking points memo' from the HR director about what you just described. It was so out of nowhere that we just assumed it was time for an annual refresher in personal space."

"The way things all link together sometimes," Maya's lips pushed off to one side. "Huh. Well, now we know the answer to one little mystery, let's see if we can find the answer to something else." Patting Shinji's stomach, she grinned, "And for the record, you have my express permission to enter my lab and slap me on the bum any time the feeling strikes you."

"Not in front of company, dear," Shinji blushed slightly, playing back with his wife's desire for a more teasing atmosphere. "It sets a bad example."

+++++ 11th Angel + 2: Friday (71)

"Another day, another failure to progress," Maya groaned as Shinji worked on her feet. "We have as much data as we're going to get, it's consistent, reliable, and replicable. Now we have to sit back and let Engineering tell us why things are impossible instead of telling us what they have available!" The newlyweds were enjoying the comforts of their living room, Hikari receiving a similar foot massage from her wife as the Major filled the Class Rep in on the day's events.

"Nii-san," Nozomi raised her hand, looking up from the last of her lessons, "I have a question."

Smiling at the cute display of classroom etiquette, Shinji gave her what attention wasn't required for undoing the tension in one of his wife's feet, "What can I do to help?"

"Doctor Akagi said that it was super ok if we call her 'Ritsuko-san'. She said you wouldn't mind, but we should ask you if we weren't certain." She tilted her head, "But one of Sakura-chan's normal protectors said after she left today that it 'wouldn't be a good idea'. Are you and Doctor Akagi not getting along?"

"It is perfectly fine for you to address her in the way she's approved," Hikari spoke to cover over Shinji's suddenly clenched jaw. "You know how kids go around your school spreading rumors? How more often than not, they only have a bit of the truth and the rest is something they made up? Something similar happened with Ritsuko-san and Shinji. People don't have all of the information, and the truth isn't making it as far as the rumors."

"Ohhhh," the Little Lady of the Horakis nodded in understanding. "In that case, I'll give her a big hug when I see her next. She's actually super nice, and she is trying super hard to help Sakura-chan. Someone once spread a rumor that I liked Ichigo-kun, when everyone knew that Ichigo-kun likes Sugie-chan. I think they just wanted to hurt Sugie-chan, and that was super mean."

Signing his thanks where Nozomi couldn't see, Shinji put his seal of approval on the action, "Hikari is absolutely correct, Nozomi-chan. I think Ritsuko-san is an extremely hard-working person who neither gets the credit she deserves, nor has had the most fair life so far. She's very intelligent but has made mistakes that some people aren't willing to look past. And even though she is also someone that has made those mistakes in the past, she deserves the chance to show that mistakes aren't unforgivable."

"Like Hikari-nee-san yelling at you that one time," Nozomi nodded. "You forgave her, and everyone's super happy now." Looking at the clock, she stood up quickly, "I need to go check the laundry, I want to wear the dress Sakura-chan likes tomorrow. Be back soon!" Dashing off, she left three different smiles in her wake.

"Have you noticed that everything is 'super' something lately?" Maya lolled her head on the back of the couch over to look at Hikari, "It's _super_ cute."

"It's from her wrestling show," Shinji laughed. "There's a wrestler that uses that as his…gimmick, I think they call it? He's very passionate about everything he does, and has amazing energy. I get the feeling Nozomi-chan likes him because he's always doing what's right, even if it means he loses the match."

The doorbell chimed, and Maya picked up her phone to check the exterior camera, "Oh," she pursed her lips, "it's Noelle-san." Waving Shinji towards the door, she smiled, "I can wait, go bring her in. If she's come over unannounced it must be important."

Grabbing a towel, Shinji stood and walked over to the door. Using the cloth to avoid spreading possible germs or oils everywhere, he turned the doorknob and saw an angry sparkplug standing before him, "Raffle? What's going on?"

"Mind if I crash 'ere t'night?" She refused to meet his eyes, "If it's a problem, I get it…jus' marryin' an' all."

"Come inside," waving her in, he looked at her motorcycle and saw that there was two large bags attached to the back. "I'll get your bags."

"Nah, ah'll," she stopped as he moved before her, having slid out of the door to plant himself in her path. "Ah kin carry me own weight, Pally."

 _Smoke?_ "You're our guest," he gestured back inside the house. "In our house, we share the load. Go, sit. I'll get your bags, and make us some of the coffee I like." Wrapping the towel around one hand, he placed his hands together, "Please." Watching as the blonde pilot turned and slumped into the house, Shinji frowned in concern before hurrying to grab the luggage. _Maya, something's wrong. I'm sorry, executive decision about her staying here._

 _Backing your play,_ Maya responded tersely. _I'm sure Hikari will too._

It took him longer to unstrap the bags than to carry them to the step. Looking up at the sky, he turned his mind inward, _Matarael, is it likely to rain tonight?_

 _Great One, if the skies are left alone it will rain for a short time, yes. Perhaps three or four of your hours? Would you prefer it not? I was attempting to continue to reduce the temperature in an effort to restore the seasons, but one day less of rain will not make an unseemly impact on my plans._ The insect-like Aspect's words came across as calm and even, a spring shower that lightly moistens the ground, _Or, perhaps I could simply spare the gardens around your home. Shamshel says the plants could use some watering, though._

 _No, go ahead. I'll just move her motorcycle closer to the house._ He had to smile at the insanity of him having a rational discussion with a being capable of turning on or off one of nature's features like a showerhead. _Thank you, the cooler weather has been very pleasant lately. You are all doing an amazing job, please tell your siblings I approve._ Carefully lifting the just-shy of two hundred kilogram vehicle as if it weighed no more than a teacup, he set it down with similar caution. Testing to make sure it would stay upright, he nodded and went to bring the bags inside. Once inside the house, he noticed that Noelle and Hikari were standing between the living room and the kitchen, with Maya and Nozomi nowhere to be seen.

"That's no concern at all," Hikari offered easily. "Please, you're not just his dear friend. I know Maya likes you, and I'm very fond of you. One day, one week, one month. We won't feel right letting you suffer when we can help." Spying Shinji, she waved him over, "Shinji, something terrible has happened. We're going to be hosting Noelle for a bit, you don't mind at all, right?"

"She's welcome as long as she needs." Setting her bags down by the couch, he swung wide around them and into the kitchen, "Let me wash my hands and I'll get the coffee started."

"Y' jus' got married, Light," Noelle scrubbed her fingers through her hair. "Ah'll…ah'll jus' stay here th' night. Ah'll find a hotel or summat t'morrow. Jus' everythin's full up from th' weddin'."

"One," Shinji called from the kitchen, "you will do no such thing. I don't charge rent, unless you count stories to Nozomi-chan. Hotels do, and they're expensive. Two, why do you smell like smoke? I don't mean cigarette; I mean you smell like you've been near or in a fire." Scrubbing his hands quickly, he gave Hikari a brief smile as she dragged Noelle into the room, "Please, Noelle. You're scaring me here."

"Ah…damn it all," slamming her fist on the center island, the woman who named Shinji took several calming breaths as Hikari rubbed her back. "I. Not 'Ah'. I am an adult, and can speak like one." After a few more cycles of steady air, she relaxed her hands, "Light, you are a love. Never since Jorth have I met a lady who doesn't back down from an angry Minders."

"To be frank?" She waited for Noelle to look before grinning, "It takes a bitch to understand one," Hikari's playful wink set her target to roaring with the kind of laughter that comes from a joke with a noose around your neck. "Sit, please. Maya's helping Nozomi get in the bath, and the three of us are alone. It's safe here, whatever's going on."

"It's…It's Christie." Plucking her hair, she held out a clump of too-quick-of-a-shower-matted strands and glared at it, "She burned my place down. Practicing cooking, trying to get better. Trying to do better. It's why I'm so damn angry!" Letting her hand drop with a wet thunk against the smooth stone surface, she pulled herself up onto a stool, "I woke up this morning to smoke, barely was able to grab my long haul bags…some of her stuff too. I _just_ got back into my place after Vidar made up with Jorth, and now poof! I'm homeless again."

"I'm going to assume Christie's ok," Shinji could understand why Noelle was cagey about the matter, but he had to know that everyone was tended to. "Otherwise I'd think her status would be higher on the list of topics."

"She's fine," Noelle glowered at her fingers, running the nail of one finger in the gaps between the nails of her other hand and the flesh. "Ran out of the apartment, sat in the parking lot crying. Didn't go get the manager, didn't call the fire department, didn't help me try and salvage anything. On her ass, in the parking lot, crying. Now she's to be living in Feelgood's place, while he tries to help her understand the insurance forms. He dumped his date for the evening to help her, told me to head to Vidar's to get me away from her before I said something I ought not. I came here instead." Blowing out a sigh as she felt Hikari hug her from the side, she hesitated a second before resting her head atop the brunette beauty's, "I'm sorry for interrupting the 'honeymoon', Light. I am, I am."

"You didn't interrupt anything," Hikari soothed the pilot's hair. "Our friends are never an imposition. You need help, and help you'll get." Looking to Shinji with understanding as he set a cup of tea before her and a cup of his coffee before Noelle, she flicked her eyes towards the pilot.

"I married two women who understand how I am." Nudging her cup until she took it, he began to plan what would be needed for meals, "I see someone in need, I don't just 'wish I could help', I do whatever I am able to in order to help. Look at it this way, you're not tottering towards a local train, are you? The chances of this ending with me having spinal compression, a concussion, and strange new powers are pretty low."

Snorting and nearly doing a spit take as she choked on the mouthful of coffee she had, Noelle coughed out a laugh, "Damn you, Pally! I'm tryin' t' drink yer damn coffee!"

"Guest room's set," Maya came into the kitchen, her tone pleasant without being cloying. "I made sure there are some towels, since Nozomi-chan has a bad habit of stockpiling them in her bathroom."

"And she didnae know I was stayin'," the stricken pilot sighed, giving up the last bit of worry that she was possibly causing problems for the family of a good man. "Ye married some winners, Pally. That ye did."

Reading the room, Maya walked around and poured herself a cup of coffee as well, "Pretty blondes have an easier time in convincing us that they should be staying here, Captain. They're something of a weakness for the three of us." She gestured to Hikari, "I had to listen to this one gloat about how she saw a certain, and I quote, 'fantastic rear end' when one of Nozomi-chan's agents changed out of her workout clothes here."

"I don't want to hear it," Hikari picked up on the plan. "He's had his hand directly _on_ that fantastic rear end several times. Do I get to touch? No. Because I can't bench press a city block like he can. It's always the jocks that get the girl."

"…Whose rear am I touching now?" Shinji looked genuinely baffled, "I don't remember groping anyone."

"Nicolette," Noelle guessed easily. "To be fair, she's got a dancer's ass. Could probably bounce a puppy off that thing."

"I have not…well, yes I've held her up in several…ok, I see what you mean," he nodded, accepting the truth of the matter. "I have, apparently, touched a rear end that by a margin of three votes to one abstention has been described as 'fantastic'."

"Abstaining?" Hikari pouted cutely, "You're not going to agree with your wives?"

"I am maintaining a strict neutrality policy, one I started when you two commented on Two," Shinji waggled his finger. "I will not engage in hypocrisy, even if it is to bolster your own opinions."

"The Jerry?" Noelle began to relax further as the group, led by Maya, took the focus away from what was making her angry, "Don't tell me you two are blinded by the hair? She's got practically no ass, that one. Straight gig from shoulders to heels, she has."

"See?!" Hikari pointed to Noelle with a triumphant expression, "See?! It's not just us!"

"It's bony," Maya bumped Shinji with her shoulder, shifting the teasing to him. "He refuses to comment, and feels we're being unfair to ourselves by comparing what we have to what other ladies have."

"It's good to see he doesn't have it all figured out," Noelle grinned playfully. "I was starting to worry he was too perfect."

"He makes up for it in other ways." The Class Rep kept Noelle in her embrace as she spoke, "Really nice foot rubs."

"Yer lucky," the blonde pilot sighed. "Last time someone touched my dogs for anything but a medical exam I was probably Nozomi's age."

"Then we have our plan for the rest of the evening," Maya hoisted her cup. "My wife can take over where my husband was working, and Shinji can work on your feet." Patting Shinji on the side, she moved to pull him into the living room, "Let's go. Nothing needs to be decided tonight, and everyone will think better with feet that don't hurt."

Hikari lightly tugged on the woman beside her, "Do you have an aversion to lavender? Because we also have vanilla scented oil, if you'd prefer."

The powerful officer knocked back her coffee and set the cup back down, "Let me take that shower first." She frowned as she remembered part of her problem, "Bollocks…."

"There's a robe in the bathroom that should fit," the lodestone of Shinji's life set her own cup down. "While you're in the bath, I'll get your clothes started through the laundry." Seeing that Shinji and Maya had left them alone, she leaned in and kissed the smaller woman gently, "You are not bothering us in the slightest, ok? The three of us honestly couldn't relax knowing you were suffering, it's just not in us to do."

Noelle grimaced, her eyes rolling to the side with dismay, "I don't have any clean lady clothes, Light."

"Then don't wear any," Hikari shrugged. "We've talked about this. He's Paladin, I'm Light, you're Raffle. We'll see each other at our worst, because our place is on each other's wing." Eyeing her seriously, she pulled out the new leadership training Misato was drilling into her, "You are not alone, Captain. Not so long as you have us. Now stop hesitating, and come convalesce."

"Yes, ma'am," the blonde's lips quirked into a smile. "You…uh, you wouldn't happen to have a spare razor?"

"I have five." Taking the other woman by her arm, she guided her out towards the guest room, "Shinji doesn't believe in allowing a sale to go by unmolested, and stocks up for a month or more at a time. He's even tighter with our wallet than I was when I helped Daddy run the budget, and we have at least six times as much money in income now as then."

+++++ Author's Notes

JaceSterne: RE: Re: RE: Harem. (The REckoning).

That's…not a point I can really argue against. Well argued. I guess I'm just used to people saying 'Harem' and meaning 'One dude who has a bunch of ladyfolk orbiting his dude-business'. Also, as an aside, did you install cameras in my writing space? Because stop reading my character notes. You'll spoil the story for yourself.

SK: RE: Vocabulary.

Maya's swearing during the previous chapters came from her connection to Shinji. He swears a lot more than I write, he just controls it better in conversations where people can hear. It works both ways, though, and Shinji finds her fascination with fruit-based declarations adorable.

Martial Arts Master: RE: Wedding Delays.

I had to laugh when I read this comment, as a similar comment was made after Shinji and Hikari became engaged. In story, seventy one days have passed. Two months, ten days. Just over one sixth of a year. From "Hi" to "I do" in less than the duration of a college class. Less than a fifth of a full-term baby. And it took me over 800k words and 84 chapters to do it. I honestly do wonder how patient all of you wonderful readers are sometimes.

origamishishou: RE: Chosen families.

Exactly. It's the love between all parties that makes it go around.

Love you too, my friend.


	86. Chapter 86

+++++ 11th Angel + 3: Saturday (72)

Laying on his back, Shinji kept his eyes closed. It was, as ever, a simple decision on his part to do what he was currently doing. Most days of the week, Hikari and Maya let him wander about the house and take care of other tasks as they slept peacefully in each other's arms. Every so often though, they would insist that he instead lay down with them for the evening so that they could enjoy his presence all night, if they woke up partway through and chose to curl closer.

That Hikari had asserted that Noelle would join them, declaring that she needed a night where she felt connected to more than just one person tentatively, didn't truly bother him. He could lay there, still as the grave, for days if that was what would make his wives happy. He was, he admitted to himself, happy with Maya tucked into his right side, and Noelle against his left, with Hikari curled around the smaller pilot. The positioning had caused something of a protest from their guest, until Hikari once more put her foot down hard and told the woman to stop fighting kindnesses.

His mind wandered for a time; planning out meals, creating a checklist for Nozomi's bag to take to NERV and her schooling there, arranging for the chores to be shared out evenly, finding when Suzuka would be ready to move in, discussing plans with Nanako, pressing Misato for progress on how Sakura's ribbon made its way into Perfume's grasp, getting information on what was taking Yasuji so long with Toji….

He was suddenly adrift. Floating in the winds between the world below and the infinite void beyond, a hauntingly sorrow-filled song gently stroking his face. The cold, lifeless, vast beyond stretching out as far his mind could perceive, endless expanses of nothing sprinkled with the dead and dying remnants of would-be civilizations. Lives, loves, hopes, and dreams all amounting to nothing, with only unmarked graves where dust had gathered over bodies to bear testimony to the ghosts of their existence. Languages, arts, athletic accomplishments, achievements both great and intimate forever lost to the relentless march of time. Their existence was as nothing, their fate predetermined, their end inevitable.

The brightly glowing realm below began to crawl with the same darkness, brilliant flames guttering and failing in fits and bursts. As the shadow claimed more and more of the world he couldn't recognize, the song began to swell. Anguish and regret, pain and tragedy, millions, billions, of individual tales of loss crying out louder for someone, anyone, to hear and take notice of their mark on creation. The musical caress grew to become a buffeting gale, each tiny light becoming a physical blow driving through his skull as it was forever extinguished.

Bruised and bloodied, he attempted to shout down that he heard the final pool of light. That he knew they were there, that they had existed! Their memory would not go unremarked or unmourned, he swore that he would remember them! Yet even as the dark claimed the lands below, silence held his tongue in stillness. There would be no reassuring comfort as they were swallowed by the remorseless force of time without end. No gentle warmth, no sheltering grasp would give them their final solace. He had failed. He would always fail. He was impotent. He was weak. He was _nothing_.

He tried to scream. In pain, in grief, in rage. Yet no sound could leave him in the space between.

He had no voice, and he needed desperately to scream.

+++++ 11th Angel + 3: Saturday (72)

"Sleep paralysis," Maya sighed, the adrenaline wearing off after his pained cry tore them from sleep. "Of anything on Earth that has kept humans from killing themselves, it's that whatever we see in our dreams we don't usually move enough to truly do damage to ourselves or anyone else." _I'm keeping an eye on both of you, don't test me right now._

Noelle had become the soother of worries, holding Hikari in her lap and nodding, "It's a mite odd to see this from this perspective, typically I'm the one being told what happened the morning after."

Dark's hands were a blur before her as she seemed to type on a device that only she saw, _This isn't outside interference, as much as I'd love to blame her._ Glaring over at Nyx, she could be seen to clearly restrain her impulses, _His mind is recreating something he's seen, mixing it with things he's terrified of. This isn't just a painful memory, it's more._

"The screaming the last time was worse," Hikari had tears leaking down her cheeks, but only a grim determination sat on her face. "Much worse."

 _I can grant him rest,_ Nyx offered once again. _Why must you insist he suffer through this, child? There is nothing here to be gained, only endured._

 _Because I don't trust that you didn't silence Hikari because she was about to remember something you'd find inconvenient._ Too tired to stop herself, Maya glared at where Nyx stood and pointed away from Shinji closer to the closets, _So stop creeping closer, because I will be telling him everything both of you did._

"Maya, love," Noelle was confused by the action, "you all right?"

"You wouldn't believe her if she told you," Hikari shook her head. "This is one of those things that comes with him being who he is, and the fewer people we tell…the fewer people that can tell."

"How bad?" The pilot wasn't dismayed at the secrecy. She'd lived her whole life, spent her whole career, around people that couldn't say everything they knew so this was as normal as breathing. It was the nature of being trusted with billions of dollars of taxpayer money, and she could appreciate that, "I'm not asking to be let in, if it's not yer bit to share then keep his faith. I just want to know whether I need t' start eyeing placin' meself between him and others."

Hikari sat back against Noelle and laid her head atop the devoted blonde's, "He wouldn't like it if we let you. I appreciate what you mean, and I know you would, but there is nothing we can do, Raffle. We're just humans, pretending to be powerful. He's…power given form." She closed her eyes and let the tears flow, "And he's pretending to be human, for us."

 _At least let me speak to her,_ Nyx begged. _For the love of all creation, child, you are not the only one who should be making decisions regarding his health and safety when he is unable to._

 _Tying her to you in the bargain?_ Dark sent whatever device she was typing upon to the side and put herself between Nyx and Hikari, _I've already allowed you to interfere with one member of this planet's native life. Do not think I will sit back and let you force your evolution upon another unchallenged._

 _No, you'll just sit back and let him spend years floating in the empty void around his own soul,_ flowing over, the Matron of Night glared eye to eye with the alien captain. _Where were you those two days by this world's reckoning that he couldn't move? That he couldn't breathe? Up in your comfortable little stolen starship, obeying orders like a good little_ [Static] _while years go by for him? Some_ [Static] _he is if that's how you treat him._

Dark's eyes lit with promises of pain, _Bitch, I will_ -

"You will both _shut up_!" Maya snapped aloud. Glaring at the two otherworldly presences, she waited to make certain that neither powerhouse would suddenly choose that moment to do the one thing that would send everything sideways, "Hikari, do you trust me to make the best decision possible for Shinji? Or do you feel like I am not taking everything into consideration that I could or should be?"

Hikari seemed to hesitate, trying to think about the pieces of the conversation that she might be missing. To her, Maya was the best choice to handle otherworldly matters. The same way that her wife would turn to her first for things involving the house, it was simply a matter of experience. Maya had less in domestic affairs, she had less in otherworldly affairs. Neither was at such a deficit that the distance was unmanageable, but it just split things comfortably to do it as they had.

"I think anyone who says you're aiming t' hurt Pally needs their brain checked," Noelle snorted, her accent coming and going with her fatigue rolling about her head. "I'm nae sure what's goin' about, but if you can see what Light can't, I'd recommend against adding extra opinions. Flying without good intel gets people dead."

The freckle-faced beauty nodded, the advice what she herself would have offered to someone else, "You know best, Maya. I don't believe you would put our husband through any unnecessary pain. If you have doubts, or questions, I know you'd ask me for what I think."

A pale smile was offered in thanks before her face once more hardened, "He is suffering from a trauma-induced flashback. His sleeping mind is attempting to process memories that his conscious mind won't, or can't. Until we can get him into therapy, this is the best we can do. Watch, wait, and hope. Anything we attempt medically will likely be ignored by his altered physiology. Anything _you_ attempt is suspect." Pointing between the two women, she raised her eyebrow, "And by that I mean both of you. Neither of you have earned enough trust that I'll think your actions purely altruistic."

"Maya," Hikari spoke over what both Dark and Nyx began to say in protest, leading to both women silencing themselves without her knowing, "you're speaking out loud."

"I'm speaking out loud for your benefit, dear," Maya crossed her arms. "Captain Minders won't betray Shinji. She's been a part of an adorably named club for a while now, 'Shinji's Secret Support Staff'. Right now it's just her and Misato, but I can't see someone who's a part of that club not supporting Shinji by keeping her mouth shut."

"Considering I was just ordered to by a superior officer? I've got more than enough reason to keep my lips from flapping," Noelle nodded before blushing. "And it's 'Shinji's Super Secret Support Staff' now."

"Why are…." Shinji sat up groggily, the voices of the women in the room finally reaching through the haze of pain and sorrow to his active mind, "What…oh." His eyes focused around the bright lights of the bathroom, turned on to avoid startling Shinji awake, providing that which everyone else needed to see by, "I had another one, didn't I?" As he moved to stand, he was tackled by three women, and sat back down to stop himself from hurting them, "Careful! Please, careful."

"No standing," Maya cautioned. "You may be immortal, but I don't want to risk you fainting from a sudden shift in blood flow."

Hikari nodded, "Whenever…well, since we're sharing a pinch with Noelle we may as well share the whole loaf." Looking sidelong at the third physical female in the room, she shrugged, "Whenever one of us from my mother's line see the future, or the alternate pasts, we always get dizzy. Standing usually just leads to a bruised face instead of us going where we wanted to." She smiled weakly, "Why'd _you_ tackle him?"

"Two other people moved to do it," Noelle shrugged. "Instincts kicked in." Settling herself on his knees, she kept her eyes on Hikari, "So that thing at the wake. Where he pulled you upstairs, that was you seeing a different future. One where you two were married." Her smile held a hint of pride, "I thought it was something like that. The three of you seem far too wise for your age, that kind of stuff always comes from seeing too much, Ma always said."

"What…uhm," Shinji looked over to Nyx and Dark who were glaring sideways at each other like a pair of cats forced to share the same box, "what'd I do that Raffle knows now?" _Please stop. I don't know why you're angry with each other, but I meant what I said. We're all working together, or this isn't going to go anywhere._ "Not that I don't want to trust you, but…."

"It's not about trust, Pally. It's about classification thresholds." Looking up at him, Noelle grinned with a shrug that set the shirt she'd borrowed sliding off to one side. The act itself was responsible for revealing much, a fact she didn't bother to remedy, "I'm not read on for the material, I don't open the folder. This isn't personal, I know you have my back."

"She knows that there's something she can't see, but we interact with." Maya slipped behind him, checking his pulse while holding him against her, "Or, she knows that I'm a lunatic that speaks to the voices in her head. Either way really."

"Nah. You're no March Hare." She jabbed Shinji in the gut, "This one wouldn't leave you around the Wee Wish if you were."

 _You can't hide this forever, Lover,_ Nyx walked over, leaning down and looking at him face to face. _You've done a respectable job of it, but the closer we get to finishing our business, the more you're going to do that can't simply be ignored by our children._

 _You could ingest the anchor,_ Dark offered quickly, seizing the initiative. _You can feel me, after a fashion, but if I transport myself down physically I could speak with your Light. If you bring others in on the secrets, I'm not going to be as bound by the Pact. I can't share technology, but I could at least make it so that you're not keeping as many secrets?_

"Why can't you do that anyway?" Maya had satisfied herself that his vitals were stable, if elevated due to stress, and shifted her embrace to be more supportive, "Why do you have to have him do something for you to come here?"

"Precision," Shinji said, the idea popping into his head. "It's like flying, even one second of arc difference can put you very far off course over a long enough distance."

"He really does listen," Noelle bumped Hikari with a smile. "No idea why that's relevant to anything, but I taught him that one." Patting his chest, she looked at him significantly, "Do I need to find someplace else to be? Would all of this be easier if I weren't around?"

"I…." Shinji's tongue locked up, the debate between honesty and earnestness too much for him at the moment.

"He wants to include you in his troubles," Hikari translated for him. "But he doesn't want to take your choices away from you. What I said earlier was only partly true, Noelle. The more you know…the less likely you'll ever be able to leave his side. The more danger you'll be in, and we're not talking simple 'people shooting at you' danger, we mean remorseless killing machines stalking you danger, sects of ancient evil trying to use you as a pawn in their machinations danger." She could feel Shinji's gratitude, even though his face had fallen as the truth of her words wiped away the thin veil of pretend they all lived with. "Once you know, there is no more ignorance, and in this case ignorance may very well mean slightly more safety."

"It's a commitment, Captain," Maya switched to NERV Officer to drive her wife's point home. "You've known him less than two months. You've known _me_ slightly longer, if only professionally and from a distance. Knowing that all you can do is sit back and watch at times, that he'll have to lift burdens you can't share, do things that may very well hurt you inside…and that doing so will hurt him ten times worse…. If you can't say, right now, that for the rest of your life you-"

"Is there a form to sign?" Noelle cut in firmly. "Sworn oath? I dinnae care if 'e 'as t' spank me daily, Major, you Japanese don't 'old th' market on sacrifice. Besides," looking off to the side, she frowned, "ye may be his wives, but ye are nae the only t' love 'im so quickly. He's a good egg, he is. One of the only in a big, bad, batch of 'em." Blowing out a huff of irritation, she looked back to Hikari, "So it is more up to you two." More firmly in control of her accent, she locked eyes with the younger woman, "If this means I have to move in, I will walk if you do not want me here. This is your house, not mine. But my wits and wiles are yours, if they will help you."

 _Having a pilot could help you,_ Dark stated as Noelle's declaration hung in the air. _Gaining access to an aircraft would still be something of a challenge, but if you needed to evacuate your family…. I'm only offering my perspective. Mobility is frequently the limiting factor in most survival situations. We train our people to look for ways to secure transportation, rather than attempting to hunker down in an area filled with hostiles._

"How many?" Shinji shifted his bulk so that he could fall backwards without hurting Maya, "How many people am I going to risk?" Burying the heels of his hands in his eyes, he growled out a frustrated bellow. "I get it. I know, I'm no longer 'Just Shinji'. I'm going to have to accept people sacrificing of themselves in my name."

 _You will have to accept people dying in your name, Your Grace,_ Nyx' voice carried compassion and understanding. _A simple warrior may need only worry about his blade and his armor, but a Duke must concern himself with legions. You are, without question, the most important piece on the board. This does not, however, mean that you are the_ only _piece on the board. Ask her, she'll remind you of what she said some weeks ago about the cost of victory._

"I know what she'll say," his voice grew heavy. "I just…I hate myself for beginning to understand my father."

"You aren't using us, Pup," picking his head up into her lap, Maya gently combed his hair free from his face where it had landed. "You didn't ask for a heart that was torn between love and anger, and you don't view us as disposable. You don't belong to us. You never did, you never will." A sad smile followed Hikari flopping down next to Shinji, her two favorite people now 'fighting' for space on her lap, "We love you. Not because we were forced to, not because we don't understand what loving you will cost us. We love you because you think of others first, because you never think of what helping us will cost _you_."

"Because you have the kind of legs that makes a woman melt," Hikari had finally snuggled where she wanted to be. "Because your eyes tell us exactly what you're thinking, and what you're thinking isn't what you focus on at all times." With her face against his, she smirked at Noelle, "I know you've thought about her. About what it would be like to see her shudder atop you, breathing hard as she rides the ragged edges." Her fingers lightly touched his lips, silencing his denial, "I also know that if I asked you to, you'd never look at her again. Trust, Shinji. Nothing we do is going to work without it, and the higher life forces you to climb, the more insanely vital trust is going to become for us."

"Y'know I'd never do that to you, Light," Noelle sat, feeling more self-conscious than she had in many long years, atop Shinji's legs. Her position unintentionally, and extremely, close to where such a union would be met, "I think far too much of him, far too much of you, to do something like that. He's not meant for the likes of me."

"Never is an exceptionally long time." Maya caught Shinji's eye, and nodded at the double meaning involved, "It's very possible that decisions will be made before long that require an adjustment in our thinking. For now, however, the rules are very clear regarding such things." Trailing her fingers along his scalp, she shifted her attention back to the blonde before them, "We are a team. If you are to love one of us, you will love all of us. If you cannot, then we will wish you well, we will hope that you find another that you can love, and we will always offer you our friendship. We are not open to 'casual' relations, romance and love are essential or nothing will happen. And, at Shinji's request, you have to love yourself. If you need, ask. If you want, ask. We're free to say no, we're free to say yes. But we're not mind…well, I can read Shinji's mind. He can speak to me in mine. Everyone else in the house is fully incapable. So if you're going to live with us, if you're going to share in our lives, and if you're going to want to work towards earning the love of three incredibly odd people, you need to do those things."

Noelle's eyes narrowed, the type of gut-level, high speed, calculations that someone responsible for military aircraft has to be capable of making clearly shown on her face. "Is that why Kodama moved out? Seein' as I don't think Light's into relative humidity. It's painfully obvious that she's got a strong fancy for Shinji, though she managed to keep her dancin' respectful at the wedding."

"My sister needed time and space," Hikari answered before Shinji could. "Should she convince Shinji, or even Maya, that she's interested in sharing appropriately…she would be the one exception to a few of the rules. I know she loves me, and you are quite right in that's as much as I'll ever want thank you very much."

"Are they tied hand t' hand?" She looked at Shinji, then up to Maya, "If I choose t' swear my loyalty, but find I'm just nae a good fit fer you, as an example, will that stop me from helpin'?"

"I want to keep you safe, Raffle," touching the tips of his fingers to Noelle's knee, Shinji found his tongue finally. "Yes…I want to keep everyone safe, but there are just some people I've…I've found, in my new life…."

"We've 'ad this talk, Paladin," scooting up his body some, she took his hand and began to aggressively mess with his fingers to work off some energy. "I'm no less a fighter than you, I've been in my fair share of scraps. I'm not afraid t' do my bit, an' if that means they play me the 'Flowers o' the Forest', then the most I hope is that you an' yer lasses 'ere 'member me fond-like."

"We would, and we will," Hikari patted Noelle on the rear with the top of her foot. "But that doesn't mean we want to hasten that day. If it helps your decision making at all," she looked up at her wife and saw a subtle nod of encouragement, "I wouldn't mind seeing how you do, dancing with Maya." Looking back to their guest with a smile, she laughed lightly, "I'm kind of the one that started all of this. I told Shinji, way back when we first started dating all of two months ago, that I was attracted to both men and women. He's been subconsciously gathering the kind of women I'd be attracted to ever since into a chaste harem."

Shinji sputtered, "I have not! I would _never_ encourage a harem!"

"She's teasing, Pup," Maya tapped his nose. "You've also been attracting the kind of women who have no right to or place in a relationship, let alone a relationship like ours. If you'd heard half of the commentary during the wedding that we did, you would agree with us completely."

"There was more than one lass yer samurai encouraged to seek another dance partner," Noelle grinned. "Between her an' Chambers, they pruned yer card right proper." Her grin faded, a contemplative look growing in it's place, "T' tell th' truth, I've ne'er kissed another like me. I've nae a problem with those who do, mind," she held her hands up, afraid she might have given offense at the odd look she knew was on her face.

"Do you mind?" Hikari rolled her body up into a seated position, looking back at her spouses, "It would help her decision, to know how she felt about the idea from the start. Of the three of us, I'm the worst at the skill. If we send Maya in, we're setting expectations a little high."

"I'm not _that_ good at it," the Major blushed slightly, looking over to a noise from the unseen pair still waiting in the room.

 _You're better,_ Nyx chuckled from where she'd moved. The Second Angel now sat perched on the desk in the room enjoying the drama of the discussion, as well as the power she was gaining from the blonde pilot's unsuccessful attempts at not becoming aroused by her position atop Shinji, _Lover enjoys both, no doubt, but you have a deft touch with your lips that I'm certainly eager to experience myself again._ _Please, let her try…as a favor to me?_

Dark glowered at her foe, _The more women you 'share' with, the more power she'll have._

 _The more power he'll have,_ the Matron of Night shrugged. _We are equals, my power is his…should he ever decide to call on it. With enough power, he can protect those he loves._ Her grin became vulpine, _You act as if more power is somehow to his detriment,_ [Static] _, when it essentially is the only way for him to seek any victory at all. Whether against those who hold your leash, or the Scions, or even me, he'll need as much power as he can gather._ Trailing her fingers along her torso, between her breasts, she purred, _If he opens his heart enough, if he loves the whole world, there is nothing he could not accomplish. If he loved_ you _,_ Nyx' eyes grew mischievous, _he wouldn't have to love the whole world. Or haven't you told him yet?_

"Try," Shinji closed his eyes, forcing himself to focus on the people present in the physical realm. "If she agrees. I'm not seeking power, I'm not seeking more people to love."

"But power is finding you, and the people who love you are drawn to you for reasons other than that," Maya soothed her hand along his cheek. "I would not be willing to entertain this idea if Captain Minders was seeking status, or fame, or even just a frankly phenomenal time in bed. I can see in her the same thing I see in the mirror, or I see in Kodama, or our wife. Who knows, Hikari might frighten her away with her bad kissing."

"Oh you are _so_ lucky I love your butt," Hikari stuck her tongue out at the playful jest. Shuffling down the bed some, she pouted adorably to Noelle, "She's being mean, Raffle. Hold me!" Lunging, she tackled the blonde off of Shinji and giggled as the more experienced close-quarters combatant changed her momentum into a controlled throw, landing with her on her back under the older woman, "Drat. I thought I had you."

"Ye telegraph yer intentions, love," in truth, Noelle was just as fond of Hikari as she was either Shinji or Vidar. She admired the young woman's dedication to her goals, her drive to not sit back and allow the world to dictate her life to her, and that she managed it all without becoming embittered or radicalized. "Are ye sure ye want t' try this? Ye _are_ freshly married."

Her playful smile drifted to a curiously hopeful grin, "I've been married for months, if not my whole life." The freckle-faced beauty reached one hand up and hooked Noelle's hair behind her ear, "There is one other woman on this planet that I know for certain has been waiting their entire life for my husband, and once she overcomes some terrible habits she's allowed to run free…there will likely only be one Horaki on the planet." She trailed her fingertips along the pilot's cheek, "Some would say that's terrible, that I should be willing to stand on my own whether or not he loved me. Me? I pity them for not knowing the kind of love I feel. The rules we've set are so that at any one time, any of us can share our love with any of us. If I want an evening with Maya, he knows that it isn't because I don't love him, it's because I want to connect with a woman in a way that he can't help me with. If I want an evening with Shinji, it's the same thing. I can't make you drink, Noelle Minders. But at least let me show you where the water is."

Once more, as he had in a bath years ago, Shinji tried to understand his feelings. Maya's thumbs traced idle patterns along his cheeks and jaw, his head laying in the warmth and welcome of a darling lap. Hikari's lips were engaged with another woman, not the wife that held him, and not his own. Her legs, as Noelle's, were slightly tangled in his, their bodies perpendicular to his own. He knew, logically, that certain friends of his would be geysering blood from their nose at what he saw before him…. But he just felt a strange sense of whimsical happiness. Hikari was reaching out, offering something special to a good woman that needed more happiness in her life. If this ended with nothing, there would be no harm done. He knew, in his heart, that Hikari belonged to them. If Noelle joined, that trust would be built upon. If she didn't, the trust remained. He wasn't being replaced, nobody was being replaced.

 _What do you think, Pup? Should we keep Hikari around?_ Maya's song spoke of an odd humor, _I mean, she has some very nice attributes. Soft and pliant, but firm enough for a good grip._

 _You two are absolutely terrible,_ Shinji clenched his jaw to stop from laughing out loud. _I would never, ever, make the jokes you two do with such ease._ His eyes projected his smile as he looked up into his wife's face, _I think…I think you owe me a kiss, since we're being left out of this one._ His elder wife's flexibility was undoubtedly one of the features that truly attracted him to her, and as she curled her back to lower her head in response, he thanked Nyx for giving him another chance at life.

Maya didn't linger overlong, wanting to avoid creating an atmosphere that could easily lead to inhibitions lowering too far without appropriate safeguards in place. That Dark and Nyx were in the room didn't bother her, they both could stand to suffer jealousy for the chicanery that they insisted on bringing with them whenever they were around. She also, however, did not rush. Kissing upside-down was something of an art, and when she separated she gently took his lower lip between her teeth, pulling just enough to hint at her full desire. The gently crushing grip he held her shoulder with in response reminded her of how completely the man in her lap understood her. There was love, there was lust, and both knew their time and place.

 _I love you, too._ Shinji's voice caressed her mind softly, _I promise…when I can, I'll talk to you about what happened in my dream. I'm…I'm still processing things._ Unspoken was the fact that he didn't want to worry his wife over something she couldn't fix. He knew that she put her all into repairing anything she could about him, but years of meditative isolation in a void between realities wasn't a bruised shin to be kissed and soothed away.

 _I know._ Sitting herself back upright, she favored him with a comforting smirk, _I can't just step into years of solitude, and describing the experience isn't going to be easy. Combining it with everything else in your life right now, believe me…I understand that you need time. Just know that we're here, we love you, and evenings like tonight are part of the deal. I'll need you to hold me when I cry, you'll need me to be patient as you work through PTSD. We're a team._

"That was…soft," Noelle's voice drew both Shinji and Maya back to the happenings nearby. Sitting up, and off to the side on one hip, she had a look of confusion about her that he hadn't often seen in the typically decisive woman. "I really don't know what they're talking about, Light," she turned to regard the other two legs of the tripod, "that was…honestly a far better kiss than all but a handful of the lads ever managed."

"Woo!" Thrusting her fists up in victory, Hikari winced as one bounced off the wall, "Ow. But still, yay!" Laughing, she pointed over to her spouses, "I'm a better kisser than someone, and you can't take that from me!"

Shinji's laugh was as cathartic as it was sudden, "I've felt this whole time that you are better than me at it, Hikari. I suck at kissing, I told you how badly the first one went."

Scoffing, the lodestone of his life stopped massaging her wrist and waggled her finger, "That was assault, my love. A kiss is something that two people mutually desire and engage in. Whether or not things are different now, what you have described from then it can only be described as assault." Her eyes sparkled with the mischief she so often kept tightly bound, "I think it's Maya-bear's turn. I want a Shinji head in my lap, and since Raffle didn't pull away in revulsion…who knows?"

Noelle eyed Hikari sideways, "Maya-bear?"

"What? She's my cuddle-bear," once more the playful pout made an appearance. "I feel safe and secure when I hold her."

"Maybe leave the naming to me," the pilot laughed fondly. Shifting her gaze to Maya, she tilted her head, "If the lass wants us to try…I'm game. Never kissed a superior officer."

"There's only one rank of difference, and I'm not in your chain," cradling Shinji's head as she moved it to the bed from her lap, Maya kept her calm firmly in place. "Although," she sighed and rolled her eyes, "it'll soon be two. Misato warned me to show up in my dress uniform on Monday."

"Oh no," Hikari clapped her hands to her cheeks teasingly, "you're being treated like you should be!"

Shinji's physical wince stopped the jovial mood dead. Flashbacks of Ireul's bold declarations, of a tank full of dead and dismembered Rei Ayanami clones, of a desperate fight against yet another copy of a bluenette that held more of his heart than he yet understood. Each image assailed his mind and caused him to begin to shudder as the negative feedback loop spiraled in on itself, spinning ever tighter, ever faster. Gone was the past fifteen minutes of pleasant sharing, gone was the bedroom filled with people who cared, gone, gone, gone. He was fighting. He was being beaten. His perversions were being paraded before him.

Maya was off balance and out of position, already having shifted her weight to acquiesce to her wife's whims. Hikari was stuck under Noelle's leg, and trapped beneath Shinji's. Noelle, though, was much faster to react to developing crises and pounced. Landing on his chest, she slapped her hands down on his shoulders repeatedly, "Steady! Steady, man! Yer not there, ye're here!" When his eyes locked onto hers, she took his cheeks in her grasp and used as much power as she could to hold him still. It was a desk fan against a hurricane, but the effort helped him rationalize where and when he was, "Stay with us, lad. We're here, I swear it. This is nae a dream, yer safe. Yer Light and Armor are here," she saw him swallow, and eased back some, trusting that it meant he was coming back down. "There ye go, see?"

Hikari had managed to free herself during the worst of Shinji's attack, positioning herself close enough to be seen but not so close as to crowd, "I'm sorry, my love. I don't know what you just remembered, but I'll try not to say that again." Holding his hand, she ran her touch along his arm, "I don't have any idea how that could be tied into anything bad…I don't understand, but I'll remember, I promise."

"That's only kind of how these work, Light," Noelle settled back off of Shinji's chest, worrying that her weight might stifle his breathing. "Some triggers for flashbacks are constant, like mine. Others? Situational, environmental, you can walk the same person through the same room five hundred times without problem, but the five hundred and first? Boom, spazzing wreck on the floor. It all depends on the mind, the person, and the events. That he had a powerfully terrible dream did nae help him prevent this one here." Taking a deep breath, she shook herself, "Ok, I'll take a raincheck on any more snogging for now. Tell me what I'm getting meself into, because yer not gettin' rid of me. Paladin needs me, and come what may this Scottish bint is his t' the last, whether we find love or no."

+++++ 11th Angel + 3: Saturday (72)

"In the end, I'm just trying to do better than I did last time." Shifting the contents of the pan onto a plate, he kept his eyes from the women arrayed behind him. More eggs were cracked, and the process began again, "Difference is…well, Nyx and Dark weren't involved, I wasn't an enormous rage monster, the one girl who ever even touched me did so more frequently by slapping me, my guardian was emotionally and physically distant, and the two women I've married hardly ever talked to me. My life then…it was worse. I had a large part to play in making it that way, and now I…I owe everything to…." He shrugged, nothing he had to say seemed appropriate.

Maya had kept her eyes on Noelle the entire time, if her husband wanted to trust the woman than that was how things would go. She'd have a conversation later, in private, with her to explain how awful she could make life for her if the pilot slipped up. She didn't like having to think that way, but until Shinji was ready to come completely out of hiding she would protect him. It wasn't a shock to her that the blonde had sat there quietly listening, nodding when appropriate to indicate that she'd been paying attention. Most military briefings were 'eyes and ears open, mouth and hands closed' style affairs, and Noelle was nothing if not firmly entrenched in the military way of life.

"You aren't a monster, my love," taking the plate from the nearby counter, she brought it to their guest and possible new roommate. "I know that you have troubles seeing yourself as we see you, and we've spoken about how we are going to work on that, but nobody else sees you like that. At least, nobody worth listening to. Even the other students think of you more as a manga-style hero than some odd creature."

"I'm backin' yer wife, Pally," squeezing Hikari's upper arm in gratitude for the meal, Noelle finished her thought before digging into her breakfast. "You are, at worst, a young man. Young men from time immemorial have nae had it easy with th' anger. I've nae once seen a spot on Light, an' neither of them look on ye with a sight less than comfortable ease."

Maya mouthed a thank you to their guest behind Shinji's back. "Shinji and I can see Dark," she pointed to the ship's captain that was half paying attention while working on something else, "and Nyx," gesturing with two fingers to the powerful Aspect, she raised her eyebrow when the otherworldly being took those digits into her mouth with a lewd wink. "As can Suzuka-san. The mental communication we share is all predicated on our link to him. So no, I cannot see your thoughts. _He_ cannot see your thoughts."

"Though there is a way to allow that," Hikari hopped up onto the counter near Shinji, determined to keep him company as closely as he'd let her. "I have…been considering it."

 _Please tell her not to,_ Dark looked up at Maya, who held a hand up for quiet while she listened. _Beyond the fact that she's seriously considering pushing her sister into your husband's bed whether they're ready or not, I honestly have no idea how her visions and his inter-soul communication would play against each other. If she pops again like she did on your exercise yard, the chances that all of you would be swept up into that vision would create havoc. There's no guarantee that_ I _won't be swept up, as connected to him as I am. Her ability is powerful, and if she ever learned to control it she'd be a terrifying enemy._

 _My children are gifted,_ Nyx hummed. _And you are right to fear them,_ [Static].

"Please stop calling her names," Shinji growled. "I have asked you… _both_ of you, to learn to get along." His hand clenched tightly around the metal handle of his spatula, the groan and strain of the material as it disfigured in his grasp standing testimony to the fact that they would soon need to buy a new one. "Dark has been doing her best, and her concern is well-founded. _You_ will continue to find yourself without further favors if you keep this up."

"Dark has some concerns about mixing Hikari's sight with Shinji's ability to communicate mentally," Maya explained briefly. "Our other guest is staying true to form."

"Y'know," pausing to knock back her fourth cup of coffee, Noelle frowned in the direction Maya had been looking, "I always figured there was more out there. Had t' be. Big starry sky, bunch of chances fer another planet. Made sense, right?" She looked to Hikari, and shook her head, "They can travel across the vast nothingness up there, locate a planet that's not even close to the biggest in our own family of Bobs, project themselves into people's minds, and yet they're still just a bunch of catty cunts like ye'd find at any bar in town. We are fucked right and proper, love. Right and proper."

"Raffle," his eyes still on his work, Shinji's tone didn't change much, "please do not join them in name calling. Once, or if, we are all a team…when we can bond like you and I do, it will be ok. For now, please…help me set things out properly."

"Aye sir," grimacing briefly, she looked back down to her plate with contrition written plainly across her features. She knew he was right, and appreciated that he was trying to be a much better leader of men than she herself had been. Command never fit her well, and her limited exposure to it was kept that way at her request. "Message received."

"I see we are having a meeting," Suzuka stood in the doorway to the kitchen, calmly assessing each of the other five women in the room. "I wondered why you were not outside for our daily training, Your Grace. Is this an inopportune time?"

"Let me finish making breakfast for everyone else," Shinji set aside the disfigured utensil, picking up another smaller version. "I've covered what I need to, Hikari and Maya can take care of the rest." Glancing over, Shinji let his guard down long enough to show his pain, _Please, Suzuka…I need to work harder than I ever have. I need to get my mind off of things._

 _As you will,_ dark brown eyes promised what solace he'd accept. _Maya-dono, would you do me the favor of preparing a bath using the salts in the blue bag, in my larger satchel? In…say, an hour? If you prefer to not have a stranger in yours, the room he has set aside for me will do. He and I will need to soak afterwards, as I intend to instruct him in ways to meditate against the anger. I felt him and his pain from halfway across the city last night, though I stayed away presuming you more than capable of managing your husband._

 _I am sorry,_ Shinji left the statement simple, plating the last of the eggs. "I apologize, Raffle. I have an obligation to meet. Please, don't rush your meal, and if you would like more I'm certain Hikari would be glad to make something for you. Her cooking is-"

"Adequate when compared to my husband's," sliding off the counter, she stepped on the renewed self-deprecation before it could again take root. "Go, my love. This is your coping mechanism, and I'm certain your wingman does not mind you taking the time to get yourself centered again."

"Too right," Noelle made a shooing motion. "Let the samurai do her bit for King and Country, I'll hash out a few details with your wives and get started on what I need to do about the apartment fire."

 _Work safely,_ Maya set the thought in stone. _I've already had to threaten those two this morning, I'm not in the mood to be patient with silliness._

 _My oath has been given,_ Suzuka countered with a flare of heat. _To my knowledge, violating that oath will end with a far worse punishment than any you could devise._

 _She's right,_ Shinji looked back to his eldest wife as he reached the door. _I appreciate that you want to protect me, Maya…you know that's something I love about you. But this is Suzuka, and she's a part of me now…and forever. If I can't trust her, I can't trust myself._

 _You're my husband, not hers._ Maya's face was hard as she stared down Suzuka, _If she wants to be our wife, someday, she will keep in mind that hard and safe are compatible._ Her eyes flicked back to Shinji, _I also wasn't speaking to her. If you go wild out there, Shinji, if you try to hurt yourself because you feel you've harmed us with the memories of abuses in your past, I_ will _take measures to prevent this. I won't tell you what you can't do, but I won't let you break yourself. I am married now, and I love you far too much to let you do that._

Suzuka's jaw slid back shut, and she lowered her head slightly, _As ever, your wisdom should not have been questioned, Maya-dono. My apologies for speaking without forethought. I give you my word, I will monitor his exertions. Should he go too far, I will do what I can to bring everything back to safety. Come, Your Grace. The day waits for no one._

Watching as the two left the room, and soon after the house, Hikari looked back to Maya, "He's going to be ok. We can handle this." Moving over and embracing her wife tightly, she soothed the nerves that she saw dancing across the surface of the woman she loved, "You're here to take care of him, I'm here to take care of him, and I know that she has upset everyone with what's happened…but Suzuka will do what she can to take care of him too. It's…just as weird as contemplating my sister feeling like she does, but I get the feeling that she has been waiting her whole life for Shinji as well."

"I know," Maya forced herself to relax enough that she wasn't a plank of wood in the arms of her loved one. "Please, spend some time with Noelle. I'm going to go get some work done and get my mind off of things for a bit myself. It won't do to help him if I'm snapping at everyone." Smiling over to the blonde, she nodded once, "I'm sorry, I'll have to leave you with only one of the three of us to keep you company. It's a trial, I know, but I think you can persevere." Turning to leave, she flicked her eyes between their other guests, _You two, go to the table. I'd like to ask you something._

"It's a woman's work, but I think I can muddle through," Noelle snorted a laugh. "C'mere, Light. I want t' clarify a few points Shinji touched on," she patted the barstool next to her. "Yer wife won't mind if I pick yer mind."

Taking her tablet and turning off the network connections, then terminating the hidden NERV protocols that recorded every task every MAGI-linked device performed, Maya sat at the end furthest from the kitchen, bringing up the blueprint sketching program and writing freehand with her stylus. With the question scrawled down, she looked into the curious eyes of Nyx and Dark. As one smiled and the other frowned, she wiped away the question and replaced it with a statement. Tapping the number, she raised her eyebrows, "No more, no less. I won't let him suffer alone, not if I can help it."

+++++ 11th Angel + 3: Saturday (72)

"I was floating in the void between worlds," Shinji sat with his eyes closed and head resting against the wall, a warm, damp, cloth draped across them for good measure, soaking away the exertions they'd engaged in. The woman sitting with him in the master bath was wearing a modestly cut one-piece bathing suit, though the hints of timeless beauty were more than enough to make that thin cloth seem even more alluring than if she had worn nothing at all. "Watching as a planet was murdered, light by light." Keeping his breathing steady was the goal of the exercise, Suzuka had stated early on that speaking was encouraged if it would push those thoughts causing the anger out into the open to be dealt with.

"Galling, at the least," she nodded, the action unseen by him. "We are meant to protect, to defend those who cannot or will not defend themselves. To be…stuck, forced to watch as the defenseless are slaughtered. A terrible sensation to endure."

"I couldn't say anything, I couldn't _do_ anything. They were butchered like billions before them, trillions…worlds beyond numbers that I can name swallowed up and forgotten." Clenching his fist, he began to feel the anger swelling up within him again, "And I just _sat there_."

Slender fingers, far stronger than they would appear to the uninitiated, lightly worked his fist open again, "We are not in this dream, Shinji. We are in a bath. In your home. We speak of these things, we are not experiencing them." Once Suzuka was confident that his temper was cycling back down, she ran her fingertips along his wrist to gauge his pulse and provide comfort, "Relaxation is key, or anger simply smolders like burning coals. Was this all, or was there else?"

Letting his head droop forward again, he ignored the cloth as it dropped into the water. Closing his eyes made everything worse, it let him see again his failures. "Hikari…made a joke." Pausing in anticipation of a rebuke, or a snort of laughter at the petty nature of the offense, he instead received another light stroke along his wrist.

"I am listening. In your own time." Her emotions were open, her guard down. When he looked over to her, she gave him a comforting smile, "You are doing well. There is no rush; your bath is warm, these salts are good for the skin and the lungs, and there are hours yet before you have an appointment. As you will, share what it is that we must learn to overcome."

As he tended to, he compared the woman before him to the others in his life. The regular cataloguing of changes, both within him and of the other, were inevitable. Suzuka's willowy form wasn't without generous curvature, and it was no simple task to stop himself from letting his eyes wander along those curves in the low light of the bath. Her long hair, somehow perfectly straight even in the humidity of the room, was now in a series of four loops behind her head to avoid trailing it in the water. But the point that most reminded him that there was a powerfully attractive woman in his presence, were her eyes. Dark brown limpid pools, without flaw or marring despite having seen over four hundred years of sun, night, war, and peace. To look into her eyes was to see the eternity she was cursed with, and that eternity was now focused on him and his needs. To a man that had never had anyone before two months prior, he was now drowning. So many people…so much…love? Affection? What did he do with it all?

"You…." Looking away, he chastised himself for thinking of her in such a manner. "You remember how Ireul said that I was…that I should be treated as a divinity?" His light blush was the only evidence that he had been about to say something different, "Her sarcasm about how I was being treated as I ought to be? Hikari…made a similar joke, about Maya being promoted to Lieutenant Colonel. With everything, I felt my hand twitch. I…I was…."

"You feared you might strike her," Suzuka filled in the blank. "As if you were back in your mind, dealing with the mouthy chit. Instead of in your own home, in the mortal world with a young woman who loves you. A valid fear, and more than enough to send you into a fit of pained self-reflection." Drifting closer, she let her knees rest just atop his with their legs crossed, "Minders-chan says that you had an episode of Post Traumatic Stress, a flashback. This makes sense, and is something that we can work to overcome."

"…Suzi, I'm not violent. I'm _not_." His hand trembled as he reached out and took her forearm in his grasp, "Why did I hit her? After _everything_ , why did I hit her?!"

"Steady breaths," eschewing her original plan, she instead used his hold to leverage herself sideways in his lap, her legs trailing off to his right. "Calm, even, steady breaths." One hand pulled his chin to force him to look at her, and the other freed itself to press against the soft flesh between his neck and his chest, "Do not breathe deeply, do not breathe shallow. Even." Moving at the rate she desired he breathe, she demonstrated what was to be done herself, "This spirit, she did terrible things before joining you. These things were not days past, months past. They were _minutes_ past. Fresh from the battle, with your blood still boiling, she pressed the buttons that would provoke a reaction. You are _not_ a trained negotiator, and she played you as the neophyte you are. You struck her to remind her of her place, as no words you had would address her crimes. Tell me true, were I standing there pressing your buttons, would you have struck me?"

"You wouldn't," Shinji shook his head tightly. "You've given your word. Even if you did, I'll only ever, _ever_ , hit you in training."

A small victorious smile, there and gone before it could truly be seen, passed her lips. "Would you, in your wildest dreams, imagine _Hikari-chan_ , of all people on this planet, pressing your buttons in that manner? Or Maya-dono? Nozomi-chan?" Letting her fingertips linger on his chin, she kept her face serene, "You are fretting at phantoms. Creating dark scenarios where you need to focus instead on shining the light of experience on what has passed. Breathe, dear heart. You need to remember your breathing."

"It's…difficult," his hand, atop the flawlessly smooth and muscled flesh of her legs, clenched at his side, releasing, clenching, releasing, clenching. "The darkness, Suzi. The darkness is there. In me." He felt his neck bulge, his muscles attempting to force him into stillness, "What if I-"

Her gentle touch moved to his lips, two fingers silencing him with a simple grace, "You. Will. Not." She was the balance. She stood with him in the twilight of his soul, "You have begun to realize what you are capable of, and this is _good_. A weapon that has unknown qualities is dangerous to both foe and friend. You are frightened by what you now know to be a capacity for dark deeds, but you must not give into that fear. Am I not capable of murder?" Trailing her touch down to his chest, she tilted her head slightly, "Were I to choose to, could I not walk out into the house and kill them all?"

He repeated his earlier statement, "You wouldn't."

"Because along with capability, we are beings that have _choice_. The darkness will always be there, dear heart. Always." Gesturing for him to breathe, she sat back to let him gaze more fully on her, "Do not choose it. Wield it, accept it, but never choose it." Her smile became sorrow-filled, "Was this not what Toshiro-kun was attempting to teach you, ultimately? That evil may needs be done to defend good?"

Where her words made sense, where they touched the places in his mind that needed to hear a reminder of the duty he had accepted, he became calm. The dark berserker within him still lingered, its strength greater after his years in its realm, but it settled back for the moment. If it was not needed to destroy, it would soon be. It could wait. Wrapping his arms around her suddenly, he pulled her against his chest and placed her head on his shoulder, "I'm…I'm losing, Suzi. I came back to beat them…but I'm…I'm…."

"You are not them, dear heart," allowing him to set the terms of their embrace, she laid her arms loosely along his torso. "Nor are they you. Have you changed? Yes. Life is change, even for those of us who see more of it than others. Will you continue to change? Certainly. But change is not bad, or evil. Your wives will be there to help you set your feet aright. I will be with you, wherever your feet may fall." Water trailed down her arm as she lifted her hand up to cup his face, "Evil, good, or the space between…."

+++++ 11th Angel + 3: Saturday (72)

"What do you mean 'gone'?" Shinji's voice was dreadfully quiet as he looked between Misato and Kelly, "He was in a correctional facility, was he not? I've been close enough to them that I understand it is pretty difficult to escape those, and Toji Suzuhara is many things…he is not smart enough to manage that."

"I promise, Shinji, we are making efforts towards finding them." Misato made a motion intended to pacify him, "If for no other reason than his father is a NERV employee."

"We've received two competing stories, and both the prison and the local units are calling the other a liar." Kelly handed him her phone, the mail brought up on the screen, "The prison has transfer forms that were appropriately filled out by the local facility, the local facility says that nobody by that name works there. Mister Suzuhara was on his way from the facility to the prison the day of your wedding, and never arrived. That next morning, the paperwork comes through and young master Suzuhara is picked up and taken away in cuffs."

"They didn't arrive at their destination," Misato continued as Shinji returned the phone to his aide. "At least, not the one recorded on the forms. We don't know much more, but as I said we are searching as hard as we can. I promise."

 _Maya, where is Unit-03?_ "Do what you can, Misato. I know you will, and I know I'm not telling you anything that you aren't already doing…and I know I work for you and not the other way around…just…." Shinji clenched his hands, "Perfume might have gone after him, or SEELE, or someone. They know about Sakura-chan, that means they know about Yasuji-san and Toji-san."

Pulling him into a hug, Misato beat Maya to the punch, "I know you're not ordering me around, Shinji. You're terrified that someone might be hurt because they want to get to you. We're doing everything we can, and General Benoit has his team scouring records. That's why I came here today, instead of having you come to NERV. I wanted to have the freedom to let you be you, instead of having to remind you of silly rules in front of people that wouldn't understand you."

 _America,_ Maya responded silently. _Not in Nevada like they think, though. The next Angel is probably responsible for the disappearance of NERV's Branch there. I've sent requests for updates and been told politely to go perform anatomically difficult tasks with myself. If history repeats itself and Unit-04 explodes…we'll know how much time we have before the next Angel appears._ "Thank you, Misato-san. If necessary, because of his age, I'll take temporary custody of Sakura-chan."

"That might be better than trying the way we were planning," Kelly held her hands up at shoulder height, palms up in a display of irritated surrender. "He can marry, he can fight, he can even legally swear someone into military service with his standing as a Duke. He can't adopt for another eight-ish months. If he _has_ a child, no problem. We still have Legal working on it, considering he's emancipated after his marriage to you and that should count for something from a legal perspective."

"Such nonsense," Misato let Shinji step back, though she kept her hand on his arm. "You're more qualified to be a parent than I am, and I was given you and Rei without complaint." Squeezing, she smiled with a kind of grim amusement, "I know you don't want to hear it, but I'm giving you and Maya today and tomorrow off. There's nothing more to be done at NERV according to Rits, at least with regards to finding ways to fight back against Perfume. Neither of you took even one day off to celebrate your marriage, and I can see the mountain of gifts sitting wrapped up still."

"Colonel," Maya began, cutting off at a gesture from the Sub-Commander.

"This is an order from above me," hooking her violet-colored hair behind her ear, she eyed her fellow officer. "The Commander received no less than eighteen independent complaints from as many sections and departments regarding you two showing up the day after your wedding. People are upset that we're 'working you too hard'. It's two days, and I'm authorizing you checking in through VPN."

"I'm here to deliver the letters," Kelly gestured to the nearby bag full of mail. "As well as a request from my sister. After the Colonel is done, of course."

"I'm leaving," Misato waved her on. "I'm on shift in thirty. I'll take Nozomi-chan in with me, and unless either of you think otherwise we should…keep them both in the dark about her father. We haven't exhausted everything yet, and it hasn't even been twenty four hours. No sense worrying the little ones over what could possibly be nothing."

"That's…probably for the best," Shinji groaned. "I don't like the idea of not telling a child their parent may be…. But I want to be there when we do. I promised her I'd protect her, and if I have to I'll slap my way into her hospital room to be there," he raised his eyebrow challenging, "orders or no."

"I wouldn't expect anything less," his former guardian grinned. "Major, permission to kiss your husband?"

"I'm not his keeper," Maya snorted with amused indifference. "He can kiss whoever he wants to, so long as he understands I might kiss them too."

"Not while we're in uniform," Misato laughed, believing the comment a playful jab. Using Shinji's shirt as leverage, she hopped onto her toes and kissed the side of his mouth where Rei tended to, "I promise you, we'll do what we can. I'll tell Rei you'd like her to return your texts. I didn't know she was playing 'hard to get'." Pausing, she turned and hugged Maya, "Congratulations again, Maya. I know I said it at the wedding, but the three of you deserve each other."

 _God she feels soft in all the right places,_ Maya's mental statement received a subtly enthusiastic nod from her husband. "Thank you. Be safe, and make sure that Nozomi-chan understands that you expect her to _walk_ into NERV. She's taken to jumping everywhere again, and you know how the parking lot is."

"Spoilsport," chocolate eyes glittered with mirth. Turning to open the door, she saw Hikari and Nozomi waiting patiently outside, "Hey, kiddo," going from 'Adult' to 'Large for her age child', NERV's second in command bustled outside, "Let's go see if we can drive faster than your security escort, you're riding shotgun today!"

"Yay!" Dancing happily, Nozomi took Misato's offered hand and began to bounce towards the car with encouragement from Misato. The entire way chattering about her morning, the weather outside changing, Pen-Pen, and the difference between bath salts and table salt.

Hikari turned with an amused smile on her face, tilting her head at both Shinji and Maya taking off their shoes, "Are you not going in?"

"We are under orders to tackle Mount Wedding Registry," Maya shrugged, sighing with the irritation of having to remotely coach her teams. "The commander himself has come down and insisted that Shinji and I take until Monday off."

"You said there was a request from your sister?" Shinji pulled Kelly aside to allow Hikari back in the house, "Is everything ok?"

"Oh, yes, there's nothing wrong," the lithe redhead reassured him. "She wanted to know if you wouldn't mind taking a photo of just the two of us. She'd like to put it in a physical picture-log she keeps, with the photos of me and my first two assigned officers. She's keeping something of a living journal in her space of my 'exploits'. In return, she'd send a photo of her and some of her hounds."

"I…don't see why not?" He looked to his wives, "Would that be all right with you?"

"I like the idea," Hikari's smile as usual lit up the room. "My husband standing by the same young officer that served as an aide to the Admiral of a Fleet? People over in Ireland will one day ask, 'who is that dashing young man?' 'Why, that's Shinji Ikari. My sister helped him save the world, you know'."

"So long as she doesn't show it until after everything's been resolved," Maya cautioned. "I like the idea too, but with Perfume still wandering about we can't be too vigilant."

"Your lips to His ears, Major," Kelly stated emphatically. "I've already told her to keep it quiet that she's my sister, and my Da has done the same. They've shown around the picture we have of the monster, so people know to call for help from the local Army if they see him. Between that and the fact that the UN has put out a warrant for Perfume's arrest, she should be safe. Assault, treason, attempted kidnapping, fleeing from justice, theft, the list goes on." She smiled hopefully over to Shinji, "It may not help much, but it isn't going to make it as easy for him to move about. Now that the world knows he tried to kill the person responsible for saving us all, he won't find many allies."

"So long as we're being careful," Shinji tugged on his ponytail. "I'll write her a letter myself, to put with the photo. It may not mean as much as a warning from her own sister, but," he looked back to Maya and nodded, "we can't be too vigilant."

+++++ 11th Angel + 3: Saturday (72)

"Oh, that's lovely," Hikari held up a framed picture of the staff of the Blue Crane lined up in neat professional rows. "What do you think, in the kitchen where we can see it as we cook, or in the living room with some of the other photos of friends and family?"

"I vote kitchen," Maya carefully wrote down the details of the gift for Shinji to pen out the note of thanks. "Everything in there is thanks to Xu-san, and it's only right that her spirit watches over their use."

"Either would be fine," Shinji sorted out the wrapping and moved the next gift over to Hikari's area. "They're our Family, our friends. But, Maya's right, Xuefan-san bought phenomenal equipment for me to work with." He held up a hand to simulate a wall, "Maybe here," tapping the back of his hand, "just inside the door from the dining room? It's close to the family area, but still in the kitchen."

"Good compromise," Hikari approved with a thumb's up, setting the picture where it wouldn't be harmed on the nearby coffee table. "I like it." Beginning the task of picking through the wrapping of the next item, she tittered happily, "We are _so_ acting like married people. I love it."

"…And I'm tellin' ye," Noelle's voice carried out of the guest room as she slid the door open, "I do nae care what ye do, Feelgood. Paladin's lettin' me crash 'ere fer a spell, Light's hacked off on it, and Major Ikari sealed the plan. Keep Christie, send 'er t' base, fuck 'er rotten fer all I care. It's nae my concern." Reaching the end of the hall, she exuded disgust as she listened to a last plea from her Flight Leader, "Not. Interested. You. Daft. Cunt. GOODBYE." Pressing the disconnect button as firmly as she could, she reared back to hurl the phone across the room before gripping it tighter and letting her arm drop as she talked herself back down. "Nae my home. Nae my home."

Hikari laid her torso back against the couch, placing her head on the cushion and eyeing their guest, "Is there something we can do to help? That didn't sound like it went quite as you'd hoped it would."

The blonde pilot began by tossing her phone onto the couch away from the younger woman, then leaning over the back of the sofa, "Ah'm…bugger me senseless." Hooking her fingers behind her head and closing her eyes, she seemed to will herself to stay motionless, a clear litany of curses rolling through her mind.

"While that may be something you're interested in, I'm not certain that you'll find our husband so eager," Maya picked up her tablet and began reading through various status reports. "I offered, once, and he told me that unless I could assure him it wouldn't be painful he wasn't going to risk damaging anything."

"He refuses to do anything that's not mutually pleasurable, unless it's purely for our pleasure," Hikari added. "It took both of us talking really fast to get him to agree to even receiving oral, I'm quite positive that anything-"

"I'm sitting _right here_ ," Shinji's blush was near total. "You know that, right? I'm distinctly hard to miss."

Noelle's laugh was tinged with amused listlessness, "I am trying to control my accent. Unfortunately, the angrier I get, the harder it is to stop. I sound like a drunken child when I let it control me, and my mother paid a great deal of money to get me lessons on curtailing it." Lifting her eyes, she smirked at Shinji, "It's only recently, since I've started letting my hair down around you, ye bastard, that it's come back. You make me relax, and out comes the Scots. Unfortunately, it's mixed in with the French, the North Irish, and the Welsh. I'm a lot of a mutt, and my family is a grab bag of terrible diction and syntax. It's infected my Japanese, and isn't helped by my instructor being a strapping Okinawan lad."

"I kind of think it's cute," Hikari shrugged, rotating around and climbing up to kneel on the couch. Pulling the other woman into a hug, she ran her hand along Noelle's spine, "Don't be afraid to be angry, if you're angry. This house is a place for people to be who they are, so that we can help each other heal. We can't do that if we're all running around repressing how we feel about things." Sitting back on her haunches, she grinned, "It's not like you're angry at us, right?"

"Not a chance of that, love." Slapping the back of the couch a few times to work out the edges of her irritation, she sighed, "According to my idiot Lead, my temporary house guest used water on a grease fire." Miming an explosion, she spread her hands out, "All over my kitchen." Pointing quickly to Shinji, she locked his jaw shut, "And not a word from you. Not much she's qualified for other than maybe pumping out a child, and setting her in the chow hall was the best bet for a future that didnae involve more time on her back than her feet."

"Except I spoke with her about thinly filleting meat to cook it in oil. When she made dinner for Sakura-chan and Nozomi-chan, she wondered how her supervisor managed to do what he had." Shinji held up his hand for patience, "I know I didn't hold her hand while she set your kitchen on fire, but the chain of events still involves me. Knowing that you need to smother a grease fire with a lid or another pan, not throw water on it to spread it all over the kitchen, is something that should have been taught to her at work."

"I'm already sending a mail to Misato," Maya kept her eyes on her work. "She can have someone verify that the fire safety learning module is part of the introduction to working in the kitchen. If it's not, it very much needs to be."

"And fire extinguisher usage," he added, moving to sit next to his wife and look over the message. "I can't imagine she didn't have one nearby. Do they run drills?"

"Still…." Looking between Shinji and Maya she marveled as the two continued to work together without much pre-communication, "It's also my fault. I should have cleaned my kitchen more often. I barely use the thing, and those few times I did use it I know what to do if something burns. I'm not…no, I'm pissed at her. But I don't _hate_ her."

"It was an accident," Hikari tugged at Noelle's hand until she climbed over the back of the couch, carefully avoiding the picture sitting there. Sitting down with the pilot and assuming the 'Class Rep Consoling' mode, she emoted reassurances, "You have every right to be angry that she is older than you but completely unprepared for life. To be angry that she destroyed your things, even if as you said you don't keep a lot of things you can't just throw away. To feel like you're being picked on by life." Soothing her hand over their guest's, she gestured to Maya, "We're here to help. So be angry, if you are. Or, if you'd rather, you can help us organize the gifts. Your choice."

Snorting, Noelle flopped down onto Hikari's lap, "How is it that I'm older than all three of you, but you all manage to make me feel like everything's going to be just fine, eh?"

Carefully plucking blonde hairs from a sullen and confused face, the younger Duchess in the house shrugged, "Because we won't let you suffer alone. We're your friends, and there's nothing that can't be made right with enough work."

"You've been flying solo for far too long, Captain," Maya took the opportunity to replicate Noelle's posture and flopped down onto Shinji's lap. She grinned as he gently ran his fingers through her hair, his other hand coming to a rest on her stomach, "Things have become a little chaotic, and you've been the one helping keep everyone in the Damned moving. Caregiver burnout is a very real thing, and you just need some time to recharge."

"Maybe a night of sleep that isn't interrupted by me," Shinji groused. When his wife glared up at him from his lap, he frowned back, "Couldn't hurt."

"We got four hours, Pally," Noelle waved the topic off. "I've run longer on less. It was different being held by so many people. Never slept in the same bed as both Vidar and Jorth before."

"The Cuddle Puddle is an ancient Horaki technique that is now the property of the Ikari family," Hikari stated with a hint of pride. "There is no problem so terrible that can't be improved by taking a nap with people who care. It may not resolve the issue, but what it _will_ do is help you see that there's hope at the end of the path you're on."

+++++ 11th Angel + 3: Saturday (72)

"…Boarded here," Akane tapped the screen, showing two people being loaded onto a commercial aircraft in wheelchairs. "Flight bounces from Sendai to Hawaii to San Jose in California. Our two lost people, however, got off in Hawaii. Car ride up the H-One, and between exit eight and seven, we lose the car." Tapping another monitor with the highway in question glowing red, she shakes her head, "Car fire. No corpses."

"Abandon the vehicle in the commotion, and with everyone panicking about fire they can blend into the crowd. Still," Jake worked his jaw, "I don't like it. Two people who are unconscious, even if they are a couple of outsiders, are going to draw an awful lot of attention."

Mikoto rocked her hand back and forth, stifling a cough, "With good enough coordination, they could have another vehicle waiting nearby and be out of there before anyone even noticed. Considering the community in that area, chances are good few people took note, and anyone that would have was probably too focused on stopping the carbecue."

"There's a lot of military in that area," Jake replied quickly. "Sure, the eighty-twenty rule is in effect, but is there nothing coming out of people from Barbers, Hickam, Pearl, or Schofield?"

Akane snorted disdainfully, "We've asked, I'm sure you know the answer."

"I will have Admiral Drake ask," General Benoit narrowed his eyes as he looked at each of the displays showing the step-by-step abduction of one of the few people capable of piloting one of the Evas in America, and his father. "Perhaps fraternité might sway some tongues to loosen, or eyes to seek answers." Taking down a final note, he dismissed his people, "Go. I want checks on every single relative of someone the Duke has frequent contact with. It is time for people to be good sons and daughters, brothers and sisters. Flood the network with calls, make it difficult for these bâtards to see what we do."

As the room emptied, one stayed behind. After the last person exited, Idunn stood, "Sir-"

"You were right, as was he," Philip cut her off. "He wanted to keep the boy close, to give him a support network. You felt that he was a potential leverage point we would need to keep closer tabs on. I argued strenuously, but ultimately there was nothing to be done at the time. There are no prisons closer than he was, and keeping him in solitary confinement would have been criminal." Looking over to the redhead, he raised his eyebrow, "I am responsible for this, not you."

Her eyes remained steady, "I was going to request that I be assigned to the investigation team we send to the United States."

"You have a duty to perform, Idi. Even though you refuse to speak to him, you are still the one organizing his defense." He waited a span of heartbeats, hoping that his words might provoke something. When her face remained impassive, he tried once more, "He considers you a friend. You had his ear, his confidence. What is it about him that frightens you so, child?"

"He began to take my heart," she responded without any significant emotion behind the words. "I looked at what he did, how he did it, and I hurt. It wasn't the pain of anxiety, or of irritation…I _hurt_. I cannot operate effectively in my assigned duties when I can feel the strings binding me to him, when I look at the other women around him and-"

"Jésus Christ," the elder officer swore, slapping the table. "Fine. Take four of the most junior agents and go. I want you, and them, in Nevada by tomorrow. When you get back, and you _will_ be coming back, I expect you to have your mind straightened out. Aller!" Glaring a hole through her as she saluted before turning about sharply and leaving, Philip waited until he was alone in the room before slapping the table again, "Merde."

+++++ Author's Notes

I am terrified that I have written too much, and that in so doing I am turning people away from experiencing my story. Robert Jordan's _Wheel of Time_ series, which gave me much enjoyment on many a plane ride, has a book that clocks in at three hundred and ninety thousand (ish) words. I have written two of those books in length, and more, with more yet to come.

I recently spoke regarding this dilemma to someone whose opinion I hold dearly, and her comment to me was, "And?" She has seen the Dread Wastes of the cutting room floor, the plot threads I've pruned and set aside for potential use in other future works. It is her opinion that I am poorly comparing two mediums, as pulp and ink are finite while electrons are far more numerous and giving. It was her urging that I present my concern to you, dear reader, and ask if I have gone too far. If I have said too much.

If…perhaps, it is only momentum or some odd variation on Stockholm Syndrome that keeps you coming back to see what oddities I put to text. As we approach the one year anniversary of this experiment, I suppose it is natural after a fashion to fear that I have simply wasted a year of my, and your, lives. A chilling and humbling thought.

I suppose I must simply urge each of you that may have come this far with me: be good to yourselves. Know that I value your participation in what is ultimately something of a narcissistic exercise. I presume much in my offerings, and can only hope that they bring something to your life. If I have bored you, or if this is no longer amusing? Please, do not carry on for my sake. Value your time above my own, and know that I do not hold you in contempt for that.

origamishishou: RE: Shoes dropping.

It's coming. But there is groundwork to be laid before things can happen.

drew6406: RE: Turning points.

The Sword of Damocles hangs by a thin thread. I appreciate your kind words.


	87. Chapter 87

+++++ 11th Angel + 3: Saturday (72)

With Noelle on one shoulder and Maya on the other, Shinji once more played his role as a human ladder without complaint. "Are you sure this is the right way to display it?" He considered the stunningly beautiful woven rug, "I mean…not that I want to step on it but it _is_ a carpet…right?"

"The Captain and his crew talked to me about it at the wedding," Hikari held the laser level steady against the wall near his hip. "He says that the piece is as much art as it is functional, and that it was common to hang things like it on walls to add life and color to a room. Besides, I agree. I'd feel awful stepping on something so beautiful."

"We'll take a picture and ask him, Pup," Maya soothed his hair back as she waited for the piece to settle. "I'm positive the good Captain would not lie to Hikari, considering he nearly decapitated one of his junior officers for mentioning that she was showing a generous amount of her shoulder."

"Saw that one," Noelle nodded with an eager grin. "Blighter got frog marched out of the reception double quick."

"I really didn't understand what he said until someone explained, I was baffled as to why suddenly the Captain struck one of his own men. Admiral Lazarev was just…there all of a sudden next to me. He began whispering a running translation, and…well, it's just my shoulder." Hikari scrunched her lips to the side and shrugged, "I mean, that seems a little much to get wound up over."

"It's cultural, Light," the blonde pilot began spacing the fringe running along the 'top' of the rug evenly. "I spoke to the Admiral later and he didn't tell you that the offensive bloke was shocked and somewhat disgusted that Paladin allowed you to run around the wedding like that." She chuckled, darker emotions warring with the good humor she had, "For a Ruskie, he's not a bad guy. If the Captain hadn't disciplined the man, Lazarev was about to demand the entire ship's contingent step outside and stand to. The other option, he said, was that he begin simply breaking necks. Considering how big that man is, I'd believe him capable of it."

"…Oh," she blinked several times. "Well, I guess that explains why the Captain began to profusely apologize and swear that he would personally see to the delivery of the gifts."

"Taller man, slender build?" Shinji dropped one of his hands to about shoulder height, "This tall with a big bushy moustache?"

"That's him," Hikari nodded.

"He apologized to me too," he nodded. "We spoke for a time in his language, and he seemed even more apologetic at the end than he had been at the beginning." His phone beeped, the short chord progression indicating that it was a text from Rei, "Oh, uhm. Hikari, would you mind?"

"Sure thing," bracing the level against the wall with her shoulder, she groped around his pocket for a time. "Oh, sorry…sorry," her gropes became less and less 'accidental', "…sorry…sorry." When her hand finally slid into his pocket, she lingered with her fingers along his rear, "Sorry."

"I don't think she's sorry," Noelle stage-whispered to Maya.

"I know she's not," Maya tapped Hikari on the top of her head with her toes. "Stop groping Shinji where I can't."

"Don't be jealous," Hikari stuck her tongue out at the women above her before returning to her reading of Rei's text. "She's willing to come, but not participate." Rocking her head back and forth, mussing her hair with Maya's toes, she shrugged, "It's a better answer than 'No'."

"I'll take it," Shinji felt a spark of victory. "Would you mind telling her that I'll let her know when we're doing it once I have everyone else's confirmations?"

"My husband," Hikari spoke as she typed, "appreciates your willingness to spend time with us, but is currently holding Maya and our good friend up off the ground at the moment. I, on the other hand, would like it if you would at least consider a duet with me. We will let you know when we can be certain of the time of the event. Love, the Ikari family." She looked up to him, "Yes?"

"That works," stepping back while carefully holding both women, he considered their new wall hanging. "I think we have it even."

"Duet?" Noelle wrapped her arms around Shinji's neck and swung herself down to the ground, "There another party in the works?"

"Karaoke," Maya allowed Shinji to lift her gently from his shoulder, stealing a kiss on the way to the ground. "With all of the positive energy around our wedding, we want to try and push people past the antagonism that's built up between people in our team. Rei-chan and Asuka-san, Misato-san and Asuka-san, so on and so on."

"Common denominator's a little obvious," the blonde frowned.

"They don't have to like each other," Hikari handed Shinji back his phone. "But they're all pulling on the same rope. I may not trust her completely, but Asuka-san is one of two people responsible for keeping my husband upright. Whatever problems they have with each other, if Shinji can make the effort so can they."

The ringtone for Nozomi's preferred brand of honey-flavored cereal sounded, and Shinji picked up with only a slight pause of surprise, "Hello Kodama, it's nice of you to call…." His head turned to the table where Hikari's phone sat, "Oh…huh," picking it up he showed it to his wife, "battery died. Here, I'll give her mine." He paused, then smiled, "I'm really glad, I am! Don't worry. Here's Hikari." Offering his phone back to his wife, he smiled, "Kodama."

Scooping the device back up she bustled off to their room with her own phone in hand as well, "I'm sorry, Koko. Noelle stayed over last night and I let her borrow my charger." Her voice became quieter as she reached the hall, "Oh, her apartment burned down. It's been…."

"They had a talk," Maya had a huge, sad, smile on her face. "I…kind of listened in to make sure nobody was going to start a fight right before the wedding."

"Then don't say what they talked about," Shinji made a 'shushing' motion. "I'm just glad they're talking again." His smile grew as Maya's did, "They're talking!" Another hole in his life was being patched by the power of communication, and once again Shinji was reminded of how massively fortunate he was to have been given the chance to set things right.

+++++ 11th Angel + 4: Sunday (73)

Shinji was a maelstrom of strikes, his rhythm shifting rapidly as needed to press Suzuka where he wanted her to be. He knew that his position was precarious, as more than once he managed to only just turn out of the way of an attack that would have broken bones and shredded internal organs had it connected with a normal man. The free-flowing nature of their sparring sessions led to more than one glancing blow, forcing one or the other to recover their positioning or balance before the 'killing blow' landed.

"Excuse me," Captain Honda's professionally polite call was just loud enough to garner attention without reaching the level of 'yelling'. When Shinji slid under a slashing strike and rolled away, the melee stopped long enough for her to understand that they would respond as soon as they composed themselves. She stood at rest, uneasy with how violent their past two sessions had become but unwilling to risk embarrassing herself again by mentioning anything.

"Captain," Suzuka spoke for Shinji, as their morning had so far been filled with him mentally unloading his concerns and she knew he would prefer to not have been bothered. "What is it that you need?"

"Morning report, Your Excellency," offering the folder to Suzuka, she was surprised when Shinji took it with a gentle apology. "It is nothing of any serious concern, Your Grace. My superior hopes that we will be able to begin a more regular communication between our units and your household. A morning report, general expectations for the day, messages that might impact mission readiness, things of that nature."

"I would like that," Shinji stated, his voice abstracted as he read rapidly down the expected events of the day. "More information is always better than less. Suzuka, since Captain Honda is…well, no she doesn't answer to me. Do you, Captain?"

"In a way, I do, Your Grace," her eyes continued to seek some explanation for the aura she felt surrounding the man she now operated in service of. "My life, and the lives of my team, are sworn to your protection. It is my understanding that physically you require very little of that, but that both of your wives, your little sisters, they do. Our duty is to be a visible reminder to everyone, or a physical reminder if manners fail, that the nation itself owes you a debt. If something doesn't meet your expectations, your word does carry a great deal of force. We will not follow an order that would leave you unprotected, but so long as it doesn't we wouldn't balk at following your orders."

"It is best that you refer to her by rank, Your Grace," Suzuka filled in the gap for the officer. "As much as you might wish to have a more casual friendship with her and her soldiers, she is on duty."

He sighed, closing the folder, "Would it be terrible to ask her to call me by name?"

"I am on duty, Your Grace." The captain's head tilted the merest fraction to the side, "You truly do not enjoy your station."

"If ever there was a man that deserved it more, and wanted it less, I have not heard of them," Suzuka stated wryly. "His Grace is learning, and we appreciate your patience while he grows into his role."

"Deserved it," Shinji looked off towards the growing dawn. "We'll see…." Handing back the file, he inclined his head a fraction, "Thank you, Captain. Please, do not feel uneasy about joining us for breakfast. Should your superiors need a meeting, Lieutenant Chambers is the best bet to deconflict. I'm always willing to listen to ideas about how to better protect everyone."

"I will. By your leave, Your Grace," she hesitated, then turned to leave.

"If you want something, Captain," Shinji's soft rumble stopped her cold, "I can't give it unless you ask. I may say 'No', I may say 'Yes', but if you don't ask I can't say either." When she turned back, she saw him smiling patiently, "It's in your song. You're uneasy, and that carries off of you in a way that I can hear."

"Moderately humbling," the Captain looked down. "I have tried to maintain my bearing, but you keep finding holes that I didn't know existed, Your Grace." Straightening herself, she looked him in the eye, "I would appreciate it if you would perform an inspection of my unit. My soldiers need to understand who it is they're guarding, and allowing them to demonstrate their pride in their service will remind them that even here they still need to maintain their standard of appearance."

"An inspection?" Frowning in confusion, Shinji looked to Suzuka, "A test?"

"No," the willowy swordswoman shook her head slowly, setting her hair to waving back and forth in a way she knew he found appealing, "you will walk past each member of the unit and assess their uniform, their weapon, and their cleanliness. Should you find anything incorrect, you would mention it to the Captain. Should nothing be incorrect, you would offer a small word of praise and move to the next in line." Her eyes shifted to the Army officer, "Typically they are ceremonial when an outside official is involved, but it would be a shame to pass up a chance to introduce you to the obligations a leader of men is faced with."

"If you think that would be a good idea," Shinji nodded with pleasure, the idea making sense to someone who'd never had to stand through such a review. "Ok, Captain, when would you like to do this? I'm always willing to learn, and if this will help your unit feel like they're appreciated I'd love the chance to do something in return."

She was surprised at his sudden eagerness, "Would later this morning be too soon?"

+++++ 11th Angel + 4: Sunday (73)

Maya, Hikari, Suzuka, and Noelle sat in surprisingly comfortable folding chairs under a large umbrella that had been set up to keep the sun off of them for the duration of the inspection. Maya and Noelle were in their formal uniforms, with Suzuka and Hikari dressed in more casual-business-minded clothing. The quartet each had the bearing of a woman that no member of the unit would in any way want to irritate, and as Shinji stood speaking with the Captain of his guard and the senior-most NCO they exchanged small talk.

"Fifth from the right, ten bucks," Noelle looked to the other officer. "If her knees aren't locked, I'm a mule."

"She does appear to be too rigid," Maya shook her head in disappointment. "If she messes up this inspection, they're never going to let her hear the end of it."

Hikari's first instinct was to prevent the error from occurring more proactively, "Couldn't we help her?"

"They've been called to, love," Noelle shook her head. "Now it's up to how long she can last without proper blood flow."

"A child like her? Not very long," Suzuka stated without compassion. "I overheard several of her fellows passing around the reminder as they were gathered beforehand. She is nervous about something, or simply stupid."

"Don't be mean, Suzuka," as a married woman, Hikari had decided to begin actively asserting her status with the woman that was bound to her husband's soul. "She looks very young, and this might well be her first time doing something like this."

"Not if she went through boot," Maya disagreed. "Daily inspections, oh how I remember them fondly."

"She will not touch the ground," Suzuka reassured Hikari with a gentle touch. "Your husband will not allow her."

+++++ 11th Angel + 4: Sunday (73)

"As you can see, each component of the uniform is intended to be worn just so. Loose threads are to be removed, defects to be patched if possible while maintaining uniformity or the piece tossed and replaced. The First Sergeant's uniform is what each of our Soldiers should aspire to emulate. The polish on his shoes, the crease in the pants, everything taut and wrinkle-free. In his right hand you see our standard service rifle," she gestured to her subordinate, "First Sergeant."

Snapping to the position of attention, the Senior NCO brought his weapon up and across his chest, exchanging his grip with fluid ease and holding it out for inspection.

"The weapon is as much a part of the Soldier as his boots, his hat, or his leg. Each piece of equipment has its place, Your Grace. The weapon should be clean, the exterior should be rust-free and even in coloration. The ejection port should stand open, so that you may look inside should you choose to. Inside, you should see that there is no round chambered, the charging handle not engaged so that the weapon is safe." Gesturing to the switch on the side, she tapped where it was set to 'safe', "The selector should be set to 'SAFE', as well."

"It would be unfortunate if someone was shot during this," Shinji agreed eagerly.

"It has happened before," the Captain impressed the point firmly. "At ease, First Sergeant." Once the man was back to a neutral position, she placed her hands behind her back, "Do you believe you understand what I'm asking you to do, Your Grace? Is there anything you have a question on?"

He gestured to the unit cautiously, "Would it be all right if I took notes if I find something wrong with any of their equipment? If I will do this more than once, I'd like to know that people have improved after this first go through if I find anything wrong at all."

"That will be my duty, Your Grace," the First Sergeant stated with a respectful tone. "Captain Honda and Yourself will be inspecting; should you find a demerit, call it out in a quiet voice and I will mark it down."

"I would like a copy, then," Shinji looked between them. "If I am responsible, I can't do this half way."

"You will have it," the Captain nodded once firmly. "Are you ready?"

Stifling his usual comment, Shinji nodded once, "I am."

+++++ 11th Angel + 4: Sunday (73)

"Absolutely brutal." Noelle howled with laughter after they had all gone back inside and changed out of their more formal clothing, "Vicious. Remorseless."

"I've had more than my share of intense inspections," Maya sat on Shinji's lap keeping him steady as they discussed his actions during the ceremony, "but if I had to go through that each day in boot I don't know that I'd have made it."

"His honor, that of his wives, his retainers, all is carried by their deportment," Suzuka stated with no small amount of pride. "He was fully correct to inspect them to his satisfaction."

"I think that the Sergeant might still be yelling," Hikari tilted and looked out one of the front windows to the formation that was still engaged in a punishing physical exercise thirty minutes after Shinji had been thanked for his time. Bunching her lips off to one side, she turned to Shinji, "The soundproofing in this house is really good, because I can't hear him at all but he looks incredibly emphatic about what he's saying."

"Christ alive, Paladin," wiping her eye, Raffle smiled broadly, "I really have seen less strict Drill Sergeants. Not one person with less than ten things wrong, not one! Five fell out with locked knees!" Bursting out with a fresh peal of laughter, she wrapped her arms around her stomach and kicked the floor.

"I just wanted to do as Captain Honda asked," with one hand on Maya's knee and the other supporting her back, he couldn't attempt to slouch as he wanted to. "I thought that I was supposed to make sure they all looked like First Sergeant Hamada did."

"You were, Shinji," Suzuka poked Noelle in the leg with her sword, setting the woman off into another gale of laughter. "You performed exactly as you ought to have. If they are capable of missing so many details in their uniforms, what might they miss with Nozomi-chan's safety?"

"Which is why I didn't say a thing to you during the inspection," Maya tapped his chin playfully. "You know that had you done something wrong, either Suzuka or I would have stepped in to help you save face, or help them save face. You are setting expectations, and ultimately their behavior will improve for it. Sometimes that means you have to be the 'bad cop', just make sure that they know you're doing it because they _can_ succeed with enough effort. Leadership is not being everyone's friend, it's helping everyone succeed at their mission."

"And their mission is doing a lot of pushups," Hikari grimaced, once more watching the events outside. "The yelling is still going, but now it's the Captain. Everyone's down on the ground pushing still." She went to stand, "Oh dear, Nozomi's home early."

"I'll go with you," Shinji set Maya aside carefully. "I'll help her understand why people are yelling."

Walking to the door and kicking on their shoes, the pair were outside two steps before the yelling came to a complete halt, "Company, atten _SHUN_! Left, FACE! Present, ARMS!" Nearly ninety people saluted as one to Nozomi, Shinji, and Hikari. Nicolette paused the youngest member of the household where she was, allowing the Captain to continue. "Your Grace, my apologies for carrying on with Your sister present."

"Nii-san?" Far from being scared, Nozomi was simply baffled, "Why are they exercising in nice clothes? They'll get dirty."

"Long story, Nozomi-chan." Letting Hikari take Nozomi in hand, Shinji looked out at the latest group of people responsible for guarding his family. _Missing details…would they have noticed Sakura-chan's ribbon?_ He scowled, then raised his voice to be heard by the organized force, "I expect better next time, Captain. I know that your unit is capable of it, or you would not have been chosen. Please," he cupped his hand over Nozomi's head, "the little details are the most important, especially at my size."

 _Tell them to 'Carry on', and come back inside, Pup._ Maya's form could be seen from just inside the door, _Let her press that message home._

"Carry on," Shinji borrowed from Misato's tone of command and urged everyone towards the house. "Will you be staying for a time, Nicolette?" Waiting to be the last person to enter his house, he nearly had the door closed before the barrage of angered yelling began again. With the house once more sealed against noise, he smiled with a new sense of confidence in himself, "I was thinking about making something sweet for dinner, if you'd like to join us."

+++++ 11th Angel + 4: Sunday (73)

"That is…so absolutely Shinji," Misato fought to keep herself from laughing at the video. "So completely, totally, Shinji."

"He doesn't even see what he's doing," Shigeru rubbed his cheek in thought. "You can see him assessing them each on their own standing. The failures before aren't adding up in his mind, and he's not anticipating the next person to be a failure. At best he's confused as to why Captain Honda isn't saying anything anymore."

"What are we watching, Colonel?" Kozo's voice carried a faint hope of amusement, the old man desperately wanting to have something to bring his spirits up, "Is…Shinji-kun inspecting a formation?"

"For certain values of inspecting," Ritsuko was more amused by Misato's reaction than Shinji's actions. He was, like her, more inclined towards analysis and science. That the young man approached each data set with an open mind simply proved her right in that he should be encouraged to seek employment as a researcher. "To listen to these two, he's ruining people's lives."

"Sir," Misato gestured up to the main screen where everyone was watching as Shinji continued the massacre, "the Captain placed in charge of providing a military presence for Ikari Manor requested that he 'inspect the troops'. Her contention was that it would be good for morale."

"If her unit is full of masochists, she might have been right," Shigeru chuckled.

"It's growing," the old professor said with a tight smile. "Every day…it's growing." Nodding in farewell, he moved on to his next appointment with more energy than he'd entered with, leaving two confused people behind and a smirking scientist.

"He means that the similarity between Shinji and his parents is growing," Ritsuko explained.

"Shinji is nothing like Gendo Ikari," Misato scowled.

"Oh?" Gesturing up to the screen, she began offering counterpoints, "He's manipulating a group of individuals into believing he has power he doesn't, he's using that power to further his own goals, by furthering his own goals he's increasing the amount of power he has, which is in the end providing actual power over the people he's used to further his goals. The difference you're seeing Misato, is that Shinji's goals are not only altruistic but universally benevolent. We've allowed him to blossom quickly into an icon, and every one of us is running interference behind the scenes to keep those that would use him for ill away. He's Gendo, if his father had been hugged a bit more as a teenager."

"He's a Duke, he has power," Shigeru disagreed, backing Misato's stance.

"Over what? At most, popular opinion. He can't raise armies, he can't force his will on the Diet, the title and responsibilities are all mostly honorary. The legal backing of being a Duke can't even provide him enough pull to adopt Sakura-chan. However, because all it takes is _people_ finding out that he was denied taking responsibility for a life he's long defended to get politicians worried, he's _building_ _power_. With each noble act, each winning smile in an interview, he's building the kind of soft power that the hard power can't ignore. The kind of power that his father would have murdered all of us to gather." Ritsuko's smile was eager, the knowledge that this young man favored her was it's own kind of power, "All we need to do," she remembered a promise she made to him once in a pool, "is not let him sink."

+++++ 11th Angel + 4: Sunday (73)

"I'm glad they're reopening the school," Hikari swished a soft cloth along Shinji's back, taking her time to enjoy the one-on-one bath. "Nozomi-chan needs the experience to build up her leadership skills. The latest note from her teacher is that she's bounced back from…Daddy, and was exactly what they needed her to be in class."

Reaching back, Shinji gently squeezed Hikari's leg, "He'd be proud of all of you. I know _I'm_ proud of my little sisters. Sakura-chan has kept her spirits up, and with her able to roll around in a wheelchair now she'll be able to go back to class soon."

Wrapping her arms around his neck, she hugged herself against his back, "What will we tell her, Shinji? Either of them? Suzuhara-san…even as bad as he is, Toji didn't deserve to be disappeared."

"That this is why we're doing what we can to keep them safe." Patting her wrists, he kept a tight leash on his own anxieties, "That this is why they have to be absolutely certain to stay with their guards. That if they see anything, just like Nozomi-chan did at the shelter, they need to call it out for others to handle."

"I should have stayed," Hikari's voice was a ghost of a whisper. "I hurried off because I was told you'd been hurt. I trusted that nobody would try to hurt my baby sister."

Pulling her around to sit on his lap, Shinji rocked her slowly, "No. Jake and Nicolette handled it, she's safe. She's alive, and she's recovering. She's still got her strong spirit, and when she's nervous she comes and finds us. What would have happened if you were there? What if instead of going for Nozomi-chan, he went for you? Jake was able to move faster with less weight; Nicolette was able to drive faster with less weight. You _not_ being there might have saved everyone."

Sulking, she leaned against him, "Why am I being praised for never being there? I wasn't there when you were attacked, I wasn't there when my sister was attacked. I'm always somewhere else!"

 _She needs to know she's loved,_ Dark appeared, seated on the lip of the pool and leaning against the wall, smiling sadly at him. _It's immensely frustrating to not be able to fight alongside those you love. The story your pilot shared while you were at sea, this is the same thing. She's terrified she'll survive, that she'll be left behind._

"You're always where you're needed most," Shinji nodded, agreeing with the otherworldly guest. "Dark makes a good point, Hikari. It's got to be absolutely gut-wrenching to want to fight…and not be able to do anything. When Unit-01 ran out of power during the fight against the last Angel I faced the first time through, I felt like I wanted to vanish. It was a type of pain I've never felt…failing everyone, and I never want to feel that again."

Hikari looked around, "Are we…alone?"

"No, Dark's here," he pointed to the pink-skinned captain. He'd long stopped being embarrassed by the odd presences in his life. And it wasn't as if Hikari being nude was an oddity for the other woman, they'd stand the same way in the lockers at school if they were at school.

Making a face like a child about to be naughty, Dark kicked off her boots and dipped a foot into the water to make a small whirlpool with a spinning motion. _I really shouldn't push this, but she knows I'm here. This isn't_ technically _a violation, as she's more or less a part of you._

"Oh…oh my!" Hikari's eyes widened, "That's not you?"

"It's Dark," Shinji smiled at the sense of wonder in his wife's eyes.

 _Would you mind complimenting your wife for me? While she may not be the most physically perfect of your species, she is remarkably appealing._ A slight blue tinge worked its way into her cheeks, setting the decorative markings glowing, _Even more so without anything on._

"She, uhm," he began to blush, "she extends her compliments. It is her opinion that you are 'remarkably appealing', especially without clothes."

"Well that's unfair," Hikari pouted cutely, running a finger in a small circle through the water. "I don't know what _she_ looks like. You've said Nyx looks a lot like Rei, only…more mature and with black hair. Describe Dark for me," she commanded. "If she wants to be fair, she can show you how _she_ looks without clothes, and you can describe her."

 _I'm…I'm really just here to let you know that I sent home an emergency message about the Scions. I didn't…well, I thought that…I mean, we're_ [Static] _now. I hadn't meant to ogle her._ Dark's blush was near full, _Do you want…I mean, does_ she _really want to see me…._

"If you want to," Shinji made a pacifying motion to the woman only he could see. "I am not going to push for you to do anything you don't want to do, Dark. I'm sure my wife is teasing you."

"I am not," Hikari huffed. "You told me about the beautiful art she has on her cheeks, how the lines and spirals all look like the wind catching tall grass in the morning sun."

Dark looked at him, her face suddenly unreadable, _You said that?_

"If I had any talent for painting, I'd draw them for her," he defended himself, thinking she was upset. "I'm limited to words, which aren't adequate to describe any of the women in my life, or music. Neither of which is an incredibly visual medium for conveying art."

 _You…could always accept the gift._ Picking at the front of her uniform, she eyed him curiously, _Then I could come down physically, speak to y…them, in person._

"Her skin is…just a shade darker than Maya's engagement ring is," Shinji started off slowly, not wanting to commit to her idea without understanding what becoming an anchor meant. "When she's agitated, or when I say something that embarrasses her, it tinges with a pale blue. Her hair is a lighter shade of her skin, usually pulled back into a loose tail, but she's wearing it down right now." He saw the first button pull free as Dark listened to him describe her to his wife, "The spirals, the whorls on her cheeks, at first I thought they were tattoos. They're perfectly symmetrical, mirrored on each cheek, trailing down her neck and into her shirt. Nothing in nature is that perfect, not on Earth, but she says they're natural." The second button followed. "They're pale white, like the snow you only see in movies anymore. Her eyes," the third and fourth buttons hurried after, "are so vivid. Violet, slightly larger than ours, and reflective."

"She sounds gorgeous," Hikari breathed. At some point, Shinji had begun to lightly massage her, and she wasn't going to stop him from continuing the subconscious flirtation. "So we're similar, just slightly different colors?"

"Similar," he agreed as Dark slowly opened her uniform blouse and set it aside, revealing a thin undershirt. "Her face is much sharper, but still alike. If she were here, she could probably pass as a cosplayer from Kodama's college. She looks of an age with your sister, but more…athletic." His breath caught as Hikari began to slowly work her hips against him, "Y-you can tell she's a member of a military, s-strong. Powerful, b-but v-very feminine."

Lightly plucking at her undershirt, Dark worked it slowly out of her trousers, _Feminine?_ Her smile turned alluring, _Me?_

"H-Hikari," he moved to stop her from pressing forward with the now overt seduction she was engaged in, "w-we have c-company."

"She came into our bath," Hikari instead pressed harder. Purring as she worked herself against him, she grinned mischievously, "She must have wanted to see."

 _Oh,_ up and over her head went the undershirt, joining the uniform blouse, _I think I like her. Confident, and she knows how to stake her claim._

Shinji felt his hands being tugged up to cup Hikari, as Dark mimed his motions with her own hands against her own body, "Sh-she h-has…." He swallowed, the words catching in his throat.

"Mmm?" The thrill of an unseen watcher worked its magic on Hikari, "What does she have, my love?"

"S-smaller than yours," he saw the Captain pout in a manner similar to his wife, "l-larger than Maya's. P-pert…b-bouncy." His guest's smile grew, as did her 'playing'.

"Nnng," the freckle-faced beauty moaned, "I want to see."

 _I want to show her,_ Dark cooed. _The wife of my_ [Static]. _The_ wives _of my_ [Static]. One hand dropped down to pull apart the clasp on her belt, _All you need to do is agree to become the anchor, and I can show her._

With his wife actively engaged against and around his person, and Dark joining in a semi-voyeuristic manner, Shinji stood little chance of retaining a clear head. A fantasy he didn't know he had was being filled, just as he was giving Hikari something she hadn't even thought she'd want. His new pink muse crawled, fully nude, along the edge of the tub to where she could lean towards him. Teasing him with a near-kiss, she instead lowered her head and caught Hikari's lips fully. The sudden silence of his wife's cries was easily the most erotic thing he'd experienced, as he knew she could see nothing but felt much.

 _And here I thought that seducing him was my job,_ Nyx smirked from atop the faucet. Balanced on one toe, the Second Angel stood victoriously gazing down at the scene before her. _Couldn't help yourself, could you dear?_

 _You_ BITCH _,_ Dark growled, shoving herself upright using Shinji's shoulders as a pivot and glaring death at the intruder. _Can you not let us have five minutes alone?_

The sudden change in atmosphere was obvious to his wife, beyond the vanishing phantom kiss, "Don't tell me," she growled in unfulfilled frustration, "now we're really not alone."

His heart pounded in his chest, his desire mixing painfully with his anxieties, all of which was being throttled by his anger begging to be unleashed on the people around him for not just letting him enjoy something wonderful, "N-N-Nyx." Shuddering, his head swam, "S-stop." The darkness inside of him swelled further as he considered the scene, lust, passion, and rage fighting for dominance.

 _Is it the pink skin, Lover?_ Snapping her fingers, his benefactor suddenly had a darker shade of the Captain's skin tone herself, _I told you, I can change my shape to suit whatever you desire. The hair?_ She resumed her traditional luminous moonlight, and her hair became a bubblegum pink, _Do I look 'cute' now?_

 _He might just like a woman with a modicum of self-restraint you self-centered harlot,_ Dark snapped. _Have you noticed that neither of his wives are permanently stuck on 'Slut'?_ Pointing down to Hikari, she glowered, _Her sister tried the same thing you are, and got kicked out of the house. I'm not even your species and I picked up on that!_

 _Nobody. Touches. Him._ Nyx tip-toed across the surface of the water with each word. Standing eye to eye with her antagonist, she smiled with the promise of a painful death, _Not until I get what I want. He may play with his wives, but you keep your paws to yourself._

Shinji could feel the world thinning out, his vision tunneling narrowly into oblivion as his mind pushed forward the final possible tactic to stop anger from winning. With the last of his conscious strength, he called out for the one person that might be able to stop anyone from accidentally harming Hikari.

+++++ 11th Angel + 4: Sunday (73)

Suzuka had been, before her evening took a truly bizarre turn, reading more of the paperwork that would terminate her marriage. Many of the traditional delays inherent in a legal system that was not simply breathlessly awaiting work to do had been eliminated thanks to her connections, both Shirakami and Imperial. That did not, however, remove the need for her to be well-versed in what she was signing and agreeing to. The man that she loved, if only now as a dear friend, deserved a separation that was neither vitriolic nor poorly handled. The exercise also served as a way to distract herself from the thoughts Shinji was having in the events leading up to what followed.

When, in an increasingly familiar flash of light, she was deposited unceremoniously in a tub of water, she grabbed the first two potential enemies she saw and smashed their heads together. Not one for excessive restraint in combat when people were threatening the man she was sworn to, and more so at least one of his wives, she put all of her strength into the attack.

Dark, not anticipating the assault, and Nyx, second verse same as the first, bounced off each other and then fell to the side and dissipated. This left three people in the room: Hikari, nude and trying to pull her husband out from where he'd sank beneath the water; Shinji, unconscious beneath the waves; and Suzuka, hip deep in a nightgown that eagerly soaked up the water, becoming mostly translucent.

"Help," Hikari burbled, fighting a losing battle against physics.

With an ease of motion that surprised even her, the immortal swordswoman hefted both Duke and Duchess over a shoulder each and hauled them bodily from the tub. "Not precisely how I saw myself joining him in his room," she snarled, her defensive instincts still keyed up, "but I will lend my ear to his reasons for summoning me so." Slapping a struggling Hikari firmly on the bottom, she snapped, "Sit still, woman, before I drop you on your head and give him his first reason to thrash me." Kicking the door open to his bedroom, she ducked forward and let one half of her burden stand on her own, "There is better purchase for your feet here. Please lay out some bath sheets on the floor for him."

Forgoing the fight for the moment, Hikari grabbed some of the towels from the nearby laundry basket and laid them near Suzuka's legs, "Are they still here?" She wanted at least one of them to be, so that she could give them a piece of her mind for ruining her evening plans with their jealous insanity.

"No, I would assume they are off nursing a pair of headaches," setting Shinji on his stomach, she stepped up onto his back and began to walk firmly against him, pushing water out of his body. "Am I to believe that it was our unruly guests that decided to invade your private time?"

"In part." Pushing her temper aside, she looked up at Suzuka, "Thank you. I couldn't…I couldn't lift him." It galled her to admit vulnerability to the woman with a potentially deeper tie to her husband than she herself had.

"I am shocked I could," hopping gracefully off, the willowy beauty knelt down and checked his pulse and breathing. "Dead weight is far different than weight in combat. Whatever has been gifted to me by him, it has given me strength in great measure. Help me dry him," looking up she anticipated the next arrival as Maya burst in the door, "he is fine. Breathing is steady, his pulse is as it ever is. Breathing, as we expected, is no longer a requirement for him."

"What on Earth happened?" Maya dropped to her knees by Shinji's head and began her own assessment out of habit, "You two were…having fun, and then his thoughts became a chaotic mess."

"Later," Hikari shook her head, not wanting to get into it until Shinji was once more able to tell her he was ok.

"I do not believe he would feel it inappropriate to share the tale," Suzuka hefted her nightgown over her head, revealing her flawless physique. "I would, however, ask your permission to borrow his robe. I am slightly taller than either of you, or I would ask for yours."

Maya answered in the affirmative as Hikari replied in the negative, both wives looked to the other with a frown.

"Hikari, she's going to catch a cold," Maya wasn't concerned with petty banalities such as another woman wearing something her husband owned. He would be the first to insist she cover over the timeless beauty she was sharing with the room, for her own modesty's sake if nothing else.

"She can go to her room and get her own robe," Hikari countered, tugging her towel tight around her body.

"Not without being seen by the cameras," the Major sighed, pointing to where her section of the closet was. "Suzuka, put on my robe for now. It'll show a lot more leg, but it's better than having you come down with something."

"As you will, Maya-dono," the Countess bowed politely before moving to cover herself over. "Will you tell us why I was summoned to a private moment between husband and wife to enforce the 'do not enter' sign, or must we guess as to why those not of this world were sizing each other up for the knives?"

Putting her back into the effort, Maya managed to roll Shinji over onto his own, "I doubt we'll have the full story before Shinji's awake and aware. For now, let's dry him off and get him into bed. If he has another episode, I'd rather he was on something softer than the floor."

Tugging off her undergarments from beneath the robe before tossing them atop her nightgown, Suzuka took a towel and captured the dampened end of her long hair, "I will help you move him. Of anyone here, I stand to injure myself the least in the effort."

"We can move him," Hikari stalked over and bent down to position herself under Shinji's arm.

"Hikari, stop," Maya frowned across Shinji's chest. "Suzuka did not intentionally invade your bath. She did not intentionally interrupt your time with him. She is attempting to do what she can to help, and it was _you_ just yesterday that was telling _me_ that she-"

"I know what I said," Hikari huffed. "I'm…."

Waiting for a few heartbeats, Suzuka spoke into the silence, "The one he loves the most, of any on this planet. What is it that bothers you, Hikari-san? It can't be that you view me as competition, the contest was over before I even knew it had begun, the battle won the instant you joined the field. You own his heart. With half a word he'd never look to me again, and both he and I know it."

"That's not it," sagging she stopped trying to move the immovable. "I…I couldn't help him. Again. The Angel, the train, tonight…." Looking over to Maya she had tears of frustrated pain in her eyes, "You can be there for him, anytime, anywhere. You just think of him and he can hear your voice. And you," she turned to Suzuka, "you can show up physically anytime, anywhere. He just thinks of you, and poof. Lightning bolt, beautiful woman, problem solved. Me? What do I offer now? I couldn't even stop him from drowning in a bathtub."

"Hope?" Noelle stood in the doorway, eyeing the situation, "Sorry, but the Wee Wish is out cold. Drifted off while I was readin' to her about Rapunzel." Walking in, her entire bearing speaking of being an outsider looking in, she moved to support Hikari's side of Shinji, "Lift on three, ladies. One, two, lift." Her calm command of the situation and aid on Hikari's side allowed them to drag Shinji over to the futon. Hugging Hikari once he was in place, heedless of the wet towel, she whispered, "Ye give him hope, ye daft fool. Armor's all good and well to protect the body, and a Sword will do for fighting, but if he has nae a thing to look forward to…why fight? If the fight's all he has, either those past or the next to come, he's going to run out of fuel and crash."

"The voice of experience," Suzuka took a seat at the writing desk, crossing her legs demurely. "I do not believe it inappropriate to say that you provide more to him than any other around him, Hikari."

"You inspire him," Maya busied herself adjusting Shinji's limbs and hair. "He said so himself, when speaking to Dark the night before the wedding. You don't remember him as I do, Hikari. I look at him and I _still_ see the sullen, beaten down, mass of pain just waiting to die. I watched as he was torn apart over months, and didn't once have the nerve to go against orders. You?" She laughed with self-derision, "You stood up to Misato. You stood up to Kozo. To Ritsuko. You, a brave, amazing, young woman that I can only dream of being half as strong as…you saved him from falling back into a cycle of pain and suffering at the first hurdle."

"You give him more than we could," Suzuka again affirmed the prevailing opinion. "It is no weakness to support a great man from safety. I would no more put Maya-dono in combat than I would you, and she has been given formal training. Leave martial matters to those such as the Scot and I, we are built and bred for war. Tend instead the place he returns to, the place he will find joy within. No matter where you are, so long as you are there he will call it home, and he will think of you when he is away from there and long to return. He will _fight_ to return."

Shinji started awake and into a seated position, thrusting a hand to where he last remembered his Light being, "Hikari!"

"Shh, shh," Maya latched onto his back, soothing his face, "she's ok. Everyone's safe."

"S-safe," he looked around, trying to re-acclimate to the physical world. "H-Hikari?" Catching sight of Noelle holding his wife, he blinked, "S-sorry. R-ruined our e-evening."

"Breathe, dear heart," Suzuka had floated over to kneel at his side. "You are too tense, you will injure yourself or others."

Scooting next to him, Hikari pushed herself under his arm, "You didn't ruin anything, Shinji. Nyx, on the other hand, managed to ruin everything."

 _Uhm, sorry! Sorry!_ Gaghiel rolled into existence, floating back away from the bed, _Your cave, I know I shouldn't be in here, but the Forgotten One needs to speak to you. He sent me, he said I was best!_ Scooting around he came within reach of Suzuka, _Uhm…hello._

"Child, you have words." Gesturing towards the spirit to indicate that she wasn't speaking to anyone present, Suzuka raised an eyebrow with a hint of irritation to her tone, "I expect you to use them."

 _Yes! Sorry! Words,_ nodding eagerly, the piscine Aspect wiggled slightly, appearing uncomfortable. _He asked you to come too, but told me to ask you politely. I…uhm, I don't know how to ask politely to someone. Could you politely come with the Great One?_

"D-does it have to be t-tonight?" Scowling at his stammer, Shinji swallowed before trying again with a steadier voice, "I have to apologize to my wife. I scared her, and I can't just run off without a very good reason."

"Gaghiel-san," Maya interjected, "perhaps in an hour? Give us time to get ready for bed, and we'll be down to visit."

 _An hour? Uhm,_ rocketing past Suzuka, he hovered behind Maya for protection, _will the Forgotten One understand what an hour is?_

Reaching back behind her head and petting the clearly agitated fish, Maya nodded, "He will. I promise, we'll all be there in an hour or so."

 _Ok. Thank you, Advisor._ Nuzzling Maya's face, the spirit rolled in on itself and vanished.

 _Love her, Shinji. Things were interrupted, and it may take a few minutes to find the mood again, but she needs physical affirmation. I'm going to keep working, come get me when it's time to go._ His elder wife hugged him gently, "Ok, ladies. Everyone's awake and seems intact. Let's give them a chance to talk about what happened before we pester further."

"Right," Noelle winked at Hikari before getting to her feet and moving to the door. " _Talk_."

"I will be in my chambers," Suzuka stood from where she had knelt, the shorter robe offering a glance at treasures hidden within, "reading over the tedious legal formalities that are coming to dominate my life." A warm smile graced her flawless features, "Be happy that such is not in your future, Hikari-san. He has all he could ever need in marriage to you and Maya-dono."

Hikari reached up quickly and tugged on Suzuka's fingers, stopping her from leaving with the other two. "Stay…for a moment." Standing, with some help from both her husband and the woman she'd now known longest of any on the planet save for her elder sister, she hugged the older lady close, "I'm sorry. You're hurting, you aren't here to make things harder, and all you've done my whole life is try to help me be a better person. You have enough to handle on your own, conquering your temper, you don't need to put up with mine."

"Bah," the eternal beauty snorted a laugh. "Your temper at its worst is nothing when compared to your mother's at its lightest. You were spared that difficulty, where Kodama-chan has not been." Smirking down at Hikari, she winked, "I am proud of you. It would have taken days before she would even consider speaking to me, to say nothing of apologizing. I am, as you are, sorry that life has presented us with such a challenge. I am also, as you are, determined to meet it, conquer it, and enjoy the rewards thereafter."

Shinji's heart, to his personal shame, was confused as to how it should feel. Before him, in a too-short robe and a scarcely concealing towel, were two phenomenally beautiful women. They were embracing, and in so doing were setting flesh to moving on their persons that held a great deal of appeal to him as a man. They were, however, embracing because they were connecting on a personal level that he hadn't been present for most of the history of. Looking down in shame, he chastised himself mentally, _Idiot._

 _Dear heart, do not berate yourself for finding beauty where it exists. I have lain with her mother in the throes of passion, and she is the very image of a woman I once loved more than any on Earth. Someday, we may all three find ourselves so engaged,_ when he looked up he saw her hitch her eyebrows suggestively. _I have a much different perspective, as one day you will. For now, lay with your wife and show her the passions that burn just below the surface. They are mighty, and will tend her fires well._ "I leave you now with a man worth serving. Serve him well, Hikari, as I know he is eager to show you the same regard." Pushing Hikari unexpectedly she set her falling directly atop Shinji, her towel no longer about her body but now trailing in the willowy warrior's hand as she waved her farewell.

With a pinkish cast to her cheeks as she sat nude to the world, Hikari locked eyes with her husband. The air hung heavy with thoughts unspoken until the door clicked shut, when she leaned forward and whispered in his ear, "She is probably the hottest woman I have ever seen, and I really shouldn't have been getting turned on by holding her like that." Working the blanket down the bed with her toes, she kept going with the admission, "She was, for the longest time, my aunt. Then somewhere along the way she became… _not_ my aunt." Slipping atop him as her breathing became shallower with need, she squirmed, "I know you probably think I'm dirty for that but…."

"S-strict oath of n-neutrality," his stammer would not be controlled as he was exposed to Hikari's inner dialogue. "W-won't c-compare two w-women. _Ever_."

"Imagine it, though," her eyes lit up with a hungry desire. "Her fingers, her tongue…mmmm," settling into place, she shuddered with delight. "Riding you, kissing her…watching as you kiss her…." Her breath began to race, "If she…if she can stop…oh, Shinji…."

Words were left behind as two lovers danced with one another, the thoughts left behind for another day.

+++++ 11th Angel + ?: ? (?)

Shinji arrived with much greater control than he'd managed several times past, Suzuka to his left and Maya to his right, and looked around to see Ireul speaking quietly with Adam. "I apologize for the delay, Adam. Things kind of went sideways tonight, and I wanted to be certain that Hikari knew I loved her."

"We," the dark depiction of his fellow pilot stood alongside Adam, wearing a western-style dress of modest cut, her bearing still regal despite the lack of an aggressively hostile edge.

Shinji waited for the rest of the rest of the sentence for a few seconds, "…We?"

"'We', Your Grace. Not 'I'." Ireul gestured to the eldest Aspect present, "You represent a million score humans by formal decree, a half score of Our kind, Her Grace, Her Excellency, those who shelter beneath Your hand. You are not one man, Your Grace. You are more, You are an institution. You speak for them. So, the correct pronoun is 'We'." Smoothing her hands over her stomach, she bowed in deference and turned to depart, "By Your leave."

Striding over quickly, he held his hand before her, "Wait."

Her eyes were free of fear, or pain, as she looked back to him with the patience of eternity, "Was there else, Your Grace?"

"May We embrace You, My Lady?" Holding his hands at shoulder's distance, he let his own eyes convey his sorrow for his actions.

"…So long as Her Grace does not mind another woman touching the royal person," Ireul glanced to Maya.

"It's his 'person'," his wife shrugged.

Stepping forward, the Aspect of Terror set herself lightly against his front, her hands on his chest with her elbows loosely bent between them. It was the kind of hug that one would expect of a person who knew they were only being embraced as a polite gesture, and not because the person giving them the hug actually was interested in giving them comfort.

Shinji, being who he was, instead lifted her off the ground into a great bear hug as she gasped in surprise. "I am sorry that I struck you. It was a poor reaction to a hostile situation, and while neither of us was at our best I could and should have expressed my point without violence. _We_ will attempt to be better, so that You may rest assured We are representing Our people as they deserve."

Her one eye focused on his, the flesh-covered opposing side of her face bunching as she thought, "…We…regret that You will remember the unfortunate end of Our dear sister's shame. Your heart is…far gentler than We presumed." Hesitating, she leaned forward, pressing her lips to his in a chaste kiss, "We thank You, for Your kindness." As she was returned to the ground, she left one hand on his chest to balance for a moment, "If it pleases You…Her Grace is a fortunate soul indeed." Inclining her head, she turned and vanished without another word.

"It's progress," Adam stated into the silence that followed.

"Why am I here?" Shinji turned to face the being that assumed his appearance, his irritation springing to life as the continued disruption of his evening with his wives became evident in his tone, "I doubt very much it was to speak with her."

"I hoped to speak to her," he gestured to Suzuka. "About what happened when she…resolved the situation in the bath. I would not dream of having that conversation without you present. She is under your protection, and more importantly that would be tantamount to keeping things secret from you."

"What happened?" Maya crossed to Shinji, sliding under his arm into a comfortable side-hug, clearly vying for diplomacy in a situation where everyone had a stake, and everyone was somewhat strained by the odd rules at play, "We're all adults here, whatever it was it led to an apparently annoying amount of confusion."

Her distraction worked and it forced Shinji to engage with a woman he'd never speak angrily to, thereby throttling his growing ire, "Hikari and I were…." He searched his mind for a way to describe the events that didn't include 'kissing and telling'.

"Being intimate, yes, we know," she patted his back. "You can't hide that from either of us, Pup. It's nothing to be ashamed of, you two have every right to intimacy and aren't being as disgustingly up front about it as some of the people who work for me tend to be. I like knowing that you two are still physical even when I'm not around, it lets me focus on my work without feeling like you two are being neglected."

"Which of the two irritants began the argument which led to your loss of consciousness?" Suzuka idly rolled her sword around its central axis between two hands as a way to occupy them, "If I were to guess, it is his particular sore subject," she tilted her head towards Adam, "and not the pink-skinned version."

He opened and closed his jaw a few times before haltingly beginning again, "We…I was…describing, Dark. Hikari became…and, well…then Dark kissed her. When she did, Nyx showed up."

"Considering how the spirit feels about you, and her claim to you, I doubt that went over very well," Suzuka mused, the sword spinning slower.

"We have been dealing with her anger since you dismissed her," Adam gestured to the horizon, the pitch-black skies boiling in the distance. "It is why I was here speaking with Ireul, as she is more attuned to the darker emotions that Lilith would use to assail your soul. My concern is, however, that somehow you managed to render unconscious Lilith herself. You borrow from Shinji's power, as does Her Grace, but I had not anticipated Shinji himself having enough strength to directly combat Lilith's projection, even with something of a 'surprise attack'."

Maya picked up on the thread of his concern, putting aside for the moment her husband and wife playing around with a voyeurism fetish without her present to enjoy the fun, "And if she's that strong…Shinji's stronger."

"Much stronger, when you understand that only a part of his power is available to those sworn to his service right now." His fingers twitched, "Your…insanity, Your Grace, is kept at bay by that strength."

"Until I snap, and begin chewing on the carpet," Shinji sighed. "I always knew my father was crazy, I guess I shouldn't be surprised it's something I'd inherit."

"I meant _Her_ Grace, my friend." Adam clasped his hands, clearly uncomfortable with being as honest as he was being with someone else's truth. "Voices, hallucinations, and the like. There is a stunning degree of mental instability gathered in the people you work with and for, and Her Grace is no exception."

"I…I thought that," Maya blinked, several incidents crawling to mind quickly. "I thought that was exposure, or even the result of little sleep and lots of stress." Her eyes flicked to the ground, saccading rapidly as she thought back through two lives, "It…it was insanity? Am I schizoaffective? My mood swings were getting worse, but I just thought…diet, or…."

"What can I do?" Shinji cut over her self-diagnoses and addressed the original bearer of the verdict, "I can fix it, can't I?"

"You already are, my friend," Adam made a soothing motion. "As you are also reducing the emotional instability in Her Excellency." He gestured to Suzuka, "Your former species was not intended to live for so long, and the memories of the ages can take their toll on even the mightiest of minds. Those who are connected to you benefit far more than simply a sense of union with one they love. In a decade, perhaps two with Her Grace…five or so with Her Excellency."

"Any children we have," Maya looked up to Shinji. "The heritability of most mental illnesses is high, or moderately high, depending. Schizoaffective disorders? High. Shinji, we-"

"Your Grace," Adam spread his hands and made a negating motion, "any children you have with Shinji are unlikely to inherit traits that would be selected against for survivability. It is…likely that Sandalphon will insist on resolving such unwanted traits as they develop. He is…eager." Rolling his fingers, he motioned to the expansion of time, "The two decades would be for you, and you alone. The way in which your brain processes chemicals is slowly changing, his…well, to keep it understandable, his love for you is repairing…imperfections."

"You will define that term," Suzuka's sword stopped spinning.

"Nothing to do with your personality, or your independence," Adam eyed Shinji's enforcer cautiously. "Physical ailments, and those disorders that arise from the same. The effects are more pronounced on those with a stronger tie to him. Yourself, Her Grace, the Duchess Ikari. Even Sakura herself. Her back healing, her spine realigning, all of these are not simply due to the superior treatment of her medical staff. Shinji cares for her greatly, her well-being is tied to his concept of the world being 'right'. The deeper his bond grows with her, the more she is pulled into his orbit."

"And so the pain in my…." Her voice trailed off.

"Because he loves you," Maya responded, accepting the truth of the matter as inevitable. Giving the other woman a flat look, she reminded her in a voice carved from stone, "That does not mean you do not need to correct our concerns."

"As you say," Suzuka inclined her head in acquiescence. "Still…that had bothered me for the past seventy years. To know it is gone and not simply gone to the same place as all aches and pains go when not dwelled upon is…pleasantly relieving."

"So what do you think we should do?" Maya kept control of the conversation, "If he is stronger than her, what does that do for us?"

Adam shrugged, "Little, without training, focus, and intent. As Her Excellency has pointed out in the past, any weapon is devastating to everyone around it in the wrong hands. His natural caution is enough to prevent most catastrophes, however I would…strongly recommend not experimenting until you come to an understanding with both Lilith and the Captain." His discomfort was visible, "What do you intend to do with _her_ , my friend? I can tell you for certain…there are six more before the end. Will you release her? Will you doom countless worlds, countless realities? They may never be born, never know they might have existed, but they are still held in check only by her will."

"I won't kill her," Shinji stated firmly. "Do you have any suggestions as to what I can do beyond that?"

"…I say this in all earnestness, my friend…order Her Excellency to do it for you." Adam's eyes carried a great deal of sorrow, "She will not agree to taming her ambitions, not to any degree sufficient to satisfy those whose attention you've drawn. If she stays on your world, they will come to eliminate her, and all of this will happen again. If she leaves your planet, she _will_ take you with her. You won't understand why, but we will travel with her to other worlds. We will seed life, and whatever was once prospering there will die just as surely as your world would have were my children unchecked."

"No," the word was accentuated with a peal of thunder rolling across the skies, his temper once more returning to the fore. Clenching his fist, Shinji closed his eyes and let his head fall. When he finally spoke again, his voice had returned to a gentle rumble, "I gave her my word, Adam. Equals. If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't have anything. I would have died against the Fourteenth, the world would have ended, everyone would have died."

Adam tried a different tactic, "Your mother-"

" _Doesn't. Exist._ " A louder roar of thunder chased through the skies. His neck bulged with his anger, "She hasn't spoken to me. When I was in Unit-02, Asuka's mother did. _Asuka's mother!_ " His nails dug through the skin of his palm, blood dripping slowly between his fingers to fall to the ground below, "She's not there. My father lied, as he always does. _I_ _am_ Unit-01."

"Then perhaps we can pursue negotiations," Suzuka placed herself between Shinji and Adam, her back to the latter and her hand over the heart of the former. "These…Judges, I was told they were called. If they could, they would have attacked by now. Since force of arms will not resolve this, we stand a chance at finding a balance. Reason may yet prevail, dear heart. Do not allow yourself to become blinded to that." Eyeing Maya, she tilted her head to implore the other woman to back her up.

"I think Suzuka's right," Maya nodded to her counterpart, thoughts of Shinji's declaration about his mother causing her concerns for another time. "If you're stronger, you can offer terms from that position of strength. If you give enough, you can ask for enough, and…well, to be honest you can enforce the deal. There has to be something we can do to punish her, or them."

"You are attempting to negotiate between a physical constant and the gate guards of eternity," Adam's tone was dire. "You haven't even gone to your own satellite in four decades, they could send it into your planet in four _seconds_ with a nudge."

"They would not survive the attempt," Shinji's eyes snapped open, the single oddly-colored orb glowing with fire as the sky roared with his wrath. "I will tell you the same thing I told her, Adam. This is _my_ planet. These are _my_ people. If I cannot defend them I will die trying." His lip twitched, "You erased over three billion of my people in the blink of an eye. That bought you the other half. Either help me defend them, or I will find someone who can."

"It is not possible," Adam spread his hands helplessly. "If it were, I couldn't say that here."

"Ceci n'est pas une pipe," Shinji countered with a glare that could crack stone. "What we believe and what is truth are not always the same, your truth is not mine. You taught me that!" Placing his bloody hand on Suzuka's shoulder, he glowered death at the First Angel, "How much did you have to fight for, Adam? Because just standing here with me? I have enough to tear the universe in half for. Find the will to fight, contact me when you do. Until then…be ready to accept the Twelfth, whenever they come."

+++++ Author's Notes

Starfire99:

RE: False skin.

Amended that sentence to explain the rest of the purpose.

RE: Birthday.

Lá breithe sona dhuit a chara.

RE: Length.

That is good to know. It might seem odd, considering I've said before I prefer longer stories myself, but there's always the fear that I'm not _interesting_ and am still long.

Hyper xRecon: RE: Chapter length.

That's good feedback. Also, terrifying to think of averaging out at twenty and a half thousand words per chapter. But, hopefully it works well for them and they find good success in their story.

origamishishou:

RE: Story length.

All opinions matter to me, my friend. That's why I ask for them. If we all agreed, either I'm doing it right or terrifyingly wrong.

RE: Australia.

Oz, much like everything equator, kind of got tidal waved post-Adaming. Much of the initial pre-Valentine's Day Treaty deaths happened in that terrible moment after Dr. Katsuragi popped the cork on the wrong bottle of wine.

shananaganz21:

RE: Chapter length.

I'm glad that it is working for you. I hope that you continue to enjoy what I put to text.

RE: Vocabulary.

I am happy to hear that you find it worth thinking over. English is a beautiful language, when used properly. As a non-native I often find interesting vocabulary and pick it apart to see how it ticks.

RE: Premature death of the story.

Given the consistent feedback, I feel more confident in keeping it up.

SK:

RE: Stockholm Syn(th)d(r)ome.

That is good to know. I've caught myself several times with something in my hands and a sudden realization that I am gaining nothing by doing what I am about. When I pondered some of the webcomics I've done that with, one which just finished recently, I realized that many of my readers may be doing something similar. Minor panic attack ensued. I am pleased to know I can bring a smile to the world, there are precious few at times.

RE: Idunn.

Her purpose…eh, spoiler no spoiling.

RE: Purpose.

When I edit, that's the first thing I look for. "Why are you there?" is something often overheard in the area I use for writing. Sort of like a talisman, or a ward, I guess.

chuckieum:

RE: Target audience.

That's an interesting point. I honestly don't know who my target audience ever was, or is. I'll have to think about that some. I just started writing because I wanted Hikari and Shinji to be together, everything else came along for the ride when I began to build Hikari's character. Never targeted anyone, except maybe people like me who wanted someone other than blueberry or strawberry.

RE: Length.

I'm glad to hear someone doesn't think I'm engaging in too much filler. I have to, ultimately, "fill" a lot of days with something worth reading. Pacing out "life" and "terror-filled-existence" means finding the human touches that make warzones bearable for those unfortunate enough to live there. Using those details to build the larger set pieces is a challenge, and as we climb the stairs to the cliff I hope I manage to keep it going and enjoyable.

RE: Shinji.

Superman is the least interesting part of his comics. Clark Kent is where the story is at, in my mind. I agree that without characterization you wind up with caricature, and that does characters a terrible disservice. Also…do I dare look up "Ash Betrayal" fanfics? I'd hate to see someone ill-abusing the dear little monsters.

RE: Reviews.

I feel you make good points, my friend. You raise interesting questions that I need to take time and consider as I write further. Never be afraid of sharing your thoughts, the tapestry of life requires all kinds of threads, after all.

JaceSterne:

RE: Ceasing and/or desisting.

It does seem as if that would be unwise. I suppose I was having a moment like Shinji, and was simply too inside of my own head. Even at my age, such seems distressingly common. I promise, so long as my health and my paychecks hold firm, I'll finish this story.

RE: Novels.

That is a better way to look at it, I suppose. I'm certain any editor worth the title would have waded into what I've put here with pruning shears and dirty looks, but seeing this as a series of books rather than a single book might wind up making more sense in the long run.

RE: In Tune.

I was very close to reading that when someone suggested I write this story. I was pitching the idea that popped into my head as an example of "All Along the Watchtower" in story form. How the things that come before and after are left ill-defined, and we begin in the middle. What came before Eva? What comes after? Can you "write a song" that makes the audience want to fill out the other two ends?

RE: Word count.

I hope you still feel that way if I somehow manage to wind up sticking the landing.

ConnorDrake: RE: Enjoyment.

Thank you, I am grateful that you've taken the time to read it.


	88. Chapter 88

+++++ 11th Angel + 5: Monday (74)

Shinji stood at the front gate of the school as the other students began to filter in. Arrayed along the streets surrounding the school was half of the Company's worth of guards assigned to him, forcing any and everyone to use the front gate where he stood with the principal. "I would understand if you would rather I not attend, sir," making the same offer for the third time, he was met with the same answer.

"No. Your education, Your Grace, is our responsibility. My parents did not protest against the mindless violence of the past only for their son to bow to the depraved will of terrorists today." The old man looked to Captain Honda, his visage stern, "You will protect my children, will you not madam?"

"With our lives, sir," the officer bowed politely.

Waving with a warm smile to another cluster of students, Shinji kept his tone friendly though his anger was roiling within him still from the previous night, "I will be guided by my elders. Though, in the interest of honesty, I feel this is a mistake."

"A mistake would be neglecting your education, Your Grace," the old man's eyes shone with sincerity. "It would be robbing your fellow students of the remaining months of your immediate influence over their lives. You inspire them to be better, to do more. Would that I could have had you in our halls from the beginning." Checking his watch, he scowled, "My apologies for my hasty departure, but I have to speak to the teachers about the changes. Your Grace," he bowed to Shinji.

"Sir," inclining his head as far as Suzuka would allow him, Shinji let the man be off. Turning back to face the oncoming crowds, he watched as each student was politely asked to submit to a simple inspection before they were allowed past the gates. "I am responsible for each of their lives, Captain. I don't know how you stand it, knowing that each of the members of your unit relies on you to do the right thing each and every time."

"Cross-stitching," she responded quietly. "While I'm reading reports, preparing mission briefings, evaluating our needs, I do cross-stitch." Looking over to the man responsible for the world, she felt her esteem for him continue to rise, "You're doing fine, Your Grace. You are letting people do their jobs, you are listening to their advice, and you aren't forgetting that ultimately, it's still your decision. You call it, I will extract you and Her Grace without hesitation. Leave the local forces to provide security here and we will return to HQ and bunker there. However, my recommendation? Never let the enemy force you to retreat out of fear. We have no intel that there is an attack inbound, and we have enough hardware here to make that little demonstration after the Tenth Angel look like a child's firecracker."

He nodded, the advice hadn't changed though the presentation made more sense the way she explained things. "I leave it to you, then. You were chosen by someone I trust with my world, I know your team can manage it."

"Excuse me," Tsuru's voice drew Shinji's eyes. "Uhm, Your Grace?"

"No," a genuine smile broke out as he considered the future pharmacist, "I told you that my name is 'Shinji', Tsuru-chan." Walking over to the gate, he felt the Captain keep pace, "What's wrong?"

"Knife," the Sergeant held up a box containing a blade. "She says it's a gift."

Tsuru's song spoke of near panic, "M-My family sent it, to congratulate you on your wedding."

"You didn't have to," Shinji held his hand out for the box. "I know how your family's finances are." After a nod from the Captain, the present was delivered by a uniformed NCO, allowing him to look at it more closely, "Wow…this is very intricate detail work. Is there a smithy in your family?" Nodding his farewell to the Captain, he took Tsuru's arm in his and walked her towards the building, "Or a jeweler? This is fantastic."

"I…uhm," her face went fully red at the close contact, "m-my uncle. He makes and repairs the tools for the village, and…uhm, when…well, he h-hoped…."

"You give me his address, and I promise you, I'll make sure people know that he does excellent work," marveling at the solid craftsmanship, the way that the knife wasn't simply decorative but clearly intended to be used, he slid the top back over the box. "You really didn't have to, but I truly appreciate this. Oh," _She's not why we're angry, she's nice, she's a good person_ , "is he open for commissions? I'd like to have some well-made tools for the garden Hikari's asked me to put in." Looking at her he smiled hopefully, "And how do you feel about singing?"

+++++ 11th Angel + 5: Monday (74)

"Thank you, all of you," Maya bowed in gratitude to her staff. The warmth they'd showered her with when she walked in wearing her new rank reminded her that in addition to the changes Shinji had brought to their lives in his own ways, she herself had been able to affect improvements for those under her command. "I do not have sole ownership of this promotion; I owe it to every single one of you. Your dedication, your determination, your drive…the only reason I stand where I am is because you supported me in supporting the pilots." Ignoring Nyx wandering around the room looking at various items was more of a challenge than she'd expected, and it made her appreciate how Shinji never overtly seemed distracted.

The informal post-ceremony gathering in the labs allowed several calls of disagreement, and one of, "When is he going to support you with a child?"

Blushing cutely as everyone laughed, Maya clapped her hands for focus, "Now, now. We're still going to be cautious. We both have our duties, and if he's up all night helping me change diapers and feed babies he won't be well-rested for fighting Angels." Quirking her lips to the side she shimmied her shoulders a bit, "Though it's not out of the realm of possibility." The statement brought a sensual wink from her otherworldly guest.

A general cheer went up at her statement, once more followed by various bits of advice on the most likely ways to induce specific genders. The atmosphere of the room held hope, each person finding their own future becoming longer at the knowledge that 'their' Duke and Duchess were feeling confident enough to bring a young child into the world. If they could be so certain of victory, why not those who had sworn allegiance to them?

"I will be buying lunch today, courtesy of the Blue Crane," Maya announced by way of bringing the gathering to a close. "I would appreciate it if you all had your tasks to a point where you could set them aside so we can eat together as a team at around elven hundred. Dismissed." Standing still as her people slowly dispersed with smiles and nods of congratulations for her, she kept her eyes on the other minor oddity in the room. When enough people had gone, she stepped down off of the small raised platform she'd co-opted into a soap box and walked over, "Pilot Soryu, what can I do for you?"

"Listen," Asuka kept her hands firmly clasped before her lap, "I know we didn't get off to a good start. I know what I said, and I stand by it. I think that he's going to increase the chances of him being hurt, and that nothing good will come from his being with multiple partners." Lifting her chin, she set her shoulders, "But…that's true of anything we do in life. It's his choice, and I…want to support him in it. That means…." Her jaw worked, "Apologizing to his wife."

Maya kept her face neutral, though she was inwardly shocked as Nyx pressed against her back and began slowly massaging her person, "I don't believe you owe me an apology. You spoke what you feel to be the truth. You might be familiar with the quotation, 'He who dares not offend cannot be honest.' The biggest rule in our house has been that honesty is paramount, and you might have noticed that evening that I wasn't the one that was angry."

"That…might make this next bit easier." Tucking her long red tresses behind her ear with one finger, she loosened up a bit at the Lieutenant Colonel's demeanor, "I would like some time with him." She held up her hand, "As a friend, I'm not looking to be a hypocrite about home-wrecking. He and I spoke the morning of your wedding, and he…managed to quiet some of the darker parts of my mind. The…the places that hate everything." Locking eyes with Maya, she drew her pride around her, "He offered, but I wanted to talk to his wives first. If you're…uncomfortable, that's perfectly reasonable. But I'm not that kind of a woman!"

 _Fixes the people he loves._ She sighed in relief as Nyx found another amusement elsewhere in the room, _Of course he does. They lived with each other for long enough._ "What do you remember of that talk, then? As one of the people responsible for your well-being, I know about you collapsing again. The truth, now, we both want to maintain our honesty with each other if you're going to be spending time around my husband."

"I was tired," her eyes rolled in irritation. "I hadn't slept in over twenty-four hours, and I had been so tied up in my paper that I forgot to eat. He was saying something about how my life was mine to determine the course of, how the people that came before me don't have any power over me but what I give them. How each day was another chance to craft the person I wanted to be and how he would always be there to support me, to treasure m…e…." Clapping her mouth shut, she blushed fully, "You know my medical record, and you know that I have moments where I lose blood flow to my head. It only happens if I don't sleep, and that's what happened here."

 _The song was telling you he'd treasure you, Asuka. Not have sex with you._ "Nothing else? No ringing in the ears like you've mentioned? Just loss of consciousness, and a bit of memory loss?" When the redhead nodded tersely, she sighed knowing full well that there was far more that happened but not surprised that Asuka was unaware of it still, "I'm asking, because I want your permission to discuss some of that with him. If he is going to be alone around you, he needs to know how to help you if you have an episode."

Cerulean eyes flashed angrily, "I have not told him about my-"

"Nor will I," Maya cut in. Her jaw was set as she drew an aura of command about her, "That is not what I am saying. If you collapsed, and he didn't act appropriately because he lacked the knowledge necessary, it would make him very upset with himself. That would upset _me._ I want to talk to him about what he should do if you have a minor episode, teach him how to help you recover so that he can stay by you like he will prefer to, and what to look for as you come around. Everything else is between you and him."

Her head twitched as a number of angry curses went unsaid, but eventually the Second Child nodded, "Fine."

Calmly extending her hand, in the manner she expected Asuka to be more comfortable with, Maya smiled politely, "Then I have no problem with him giving you what time he would like." When the redhead took her hand to shake it, she gripped tighter than was strictly friendly, "Hurt him, and you won't see it coming."

"I'll say the same thing to you," not backing down, she met strength for strength. "Don't ruin what he and Hikari have."

 _Ironic._ "I'm glad we understand each other." Backing down first, to show that she wasn't without compassion, Maya gestured to the labs, "Feel free to lend a hand to the team for Project Watermelon. They could use someone with soft hands."

+++++ 11th Angel + 5: Monday (74)

"I believe that he will come to regret his enthusiasm," Rei offered quietly as they watched Kensuke 'fanboy' over the military equipment. The quintet sitting under the old tree were all amused to varying degrees regarding the otaku's enthusiasm for all things olive drab, and were glad to have something to discuss that was more positive than the need for the very object of his fascinations.

"Military life will do him some good," Yang shrugged. "Discipline, exercise, _discipline_. You have no idea how many times one of my uncles had to 'accidentally' hit him with a tray to get him to stop gawking at the women in uniform. I really did my best, Shinji, but your friend is all fetish and hormones."

" _I'm_ sorry I wasn't able to attend," Tsuru smoothed her skirt, still surprised that she had been given the seat to Shinji's right. "I really do appreciate the invitation, and it's…in my memory binder now," she blushed a pretty shade of rose, "but my family needed help with the fields. The recent rains have made some of the fields potentially arable again, and they wanted to run some soil assessments."

"Family is more important, Tsuru-chan," Hikari waved away any potential offense at the lack of attendance. "We would have loved to have you be there, but with it being such short notice we fully understand why you couldn't." She smiled sadly to Shinji, "At least now we know why Shinobu couldn't, either. That inn she stays at seems to have an outsized cast of characters, but when they demanded she stop attending this school for safety reasons, it was only reasonable that she listen."

"I'll write her back," Shinji nodded. "We'll visit her, or have her down to visit us, when all of this is over. It was nice of Kelly to deliver her letter in person, rather than just mix it in with all of the other mail." Wincing, he shook his head as he flexed his fingers out, "I have a lot of replies to write. I think I may end up buying a computer and a printer just to speed things up. Handwriting is more personal, but I have to respond to at least two hundred letters now, and that's just going to take too long."

"You could get voice recognition software," Tsuru offered, eager to provide possible aid. "One of my aunts is blind, and she uses the village computer to keep in touch with her cousins overseas. It's a real time saver, and it can even read things back to you so you can listen to how your thoughts sound out loud. I helped her set it up last summer, and she really enjoys it."

"That isn't a bad idea," Hikari agreed. "A kind of automated secretary, and with the soundproofing in the house you wouldn't have to worry about us waking up." She waggled her hand, "He doesn't sleep, and he spends a lot of the time that I spend asleep dealing with letters, or studying, or going over what he plans to do the next day."

"Bad dreams?" Yang frowned, "I guess it makes sense. You and poor Rei here have seen some really terrible things. It's enough to make anyone have a hard time going to bed."

"I do not dream," Rei replied, organizing her belongings before standing to leave. "Though the memories I have are confusing enough that I doubt such experiences would make more sense." Bowing to the group, she looked to Shinji to explain her departure, "I need to visit the library before our next period. I have finished with this text, and need to locate another."

After the bluenette had left, Tsuru broke the silence with quiet discomfort, "I feel bad for her. There was a rumor I heard this morning that she had asked to marry you both, but was turned down because the Imperial Family didn't want to have 'impurities'." Her scowl was reserved, "I don't think that's true, and I…I wish I was strong enough to chastise them for spreading lies, but…."

"You've done enough," Shinji reached over and gently patted her knee. "You sat here with us for lunch, you tried to include her in our discussions-"

"And you've told us about a rumor that we need to crush," Yang cracked her knuckles. "She may be an odd ball, but she's _our_ odd ball. Nobody starts spreading nonsense about a friend of the Shirakami, not and comes away clean."

Hikari's smile was cold fire, "Besides, I don't care what the Imperial Family thinks. If someone meets our qualifications, they're more than welcome to ask to join our household." Taking Shinji's hand in hers, she shrugged, exuding her own brand of strength and poise as she stated loudly enough that her words would be carried by the people who eavesdropped, "Our love is not finite, and we are not ashamed of the people we choose to consider as our family."

+++++ 11th Angel + 5: Monday (74)

"Her departure is…unfortunate," Kozo sat back in his chair with a slight frown. "I had hoped that you were correct in that she would only need some time to adjust to the situation. It is rare that anyone survives the kind of childhood she had, and her advice and support would have been invaluable after all of this was done."

"I have not given up hope," Philip shared his lunch companion's mood, though he sought to overcome it. "Her attraction to him is of little concern, and once she returns from America I believe I might even be able to use it to convince her to actually speak to him. She is, and always has been, one of my most professional students. She's using this as an excuse to hide from something else, though she hasn't confided in me what that is. A week or so in a new place, she'll come back with a fresh outlook."

"Optimism is generally punishable by flogging in these parts, General," the old professor sallied. "You're starting to sound like you actually have faith this recent move by SEELE won't succeed."

"We'll find the Suzuhara boy. Them falsifying the records, placing Unit-03 in Massachusetts instead of Nevada? America is large, her people determined, but we are past the age of any part of the world being greater than the whole. If the world turns its ire on her, no purple mountains or amber waves will save them from answering for their crimes. I cannot conjure a scenario where a people so in love with victory would be willing to endorse the alternative. Give them the information, the Americans will turn on SEELE." Gesturing to the map, he waved around the South Western section of the United States, "She'll search Unit-04's base. I already have people in motion to the land of tea parties. Whatever they planned, it won't proceed unchecked."

"I hope not. Asking Shinji to harm Toji Suzuhara, and thereby harm the lad's father and his sister…Gendo isn't wrong about his son." Kozo looked to the clock, then back to the map, "We still have time."

+++++ 11th Angel + 5: Monday (74)

As the school day wound to its end, Shinji once more took it upon himself to stand out in the open where he could be seen by every student as they departed. Waving back to those brave enough to initiate the gesture, or simply smiling and nodding kindly to those groups of students that were either too in awe or scared to, he attempted to project calm certitude to everyone around him. With Hikari by his side, chatting with Yang and Tsuru as if she didn't have a care in the world, he succeeded far beyond his own expectations.

With only the teachers left behind, he turned to Captain Honda and bowed politely, inclining his body as far as decorum would find acceptable, "Thank you for helping me maintain order today, Captain. Your reminder, regarding the vast array of talent I have access to, helped me immensely. The men and women of your Company were disciplined and professional, even in the face of Kensuke Aida."

The Captain's return bow was much deeper, "Thank you for standing here both before and afterwards, Your Grace. I believe you are setting an excellent example for the students of your school. When you are ready to return home, let us know. We will stand by until then."

Nyx landed on his shoulder as the captain of his guard departed, her arrival far more languid than he might have anticipated. Toying with his hair, she whispered archly, _She has the most interesting ideas about you and a jar of candied cherries, Pet. You do seem to inspire loyalty in the most odd ways._

 _I don't know that I would call that loyalty, dear,_ Shinji's retort was dry. _Besides, I sorely doubt that I would ever be given the opportunity to explore her ideas, and so ultimately it is meaningless. Like Nicolette said, let her dream._

… _Dear?_ He felt her quiver in joy, _You called me a pet name._

 _Only because I'm going to have to punish you, and being angry right now in public would send the wrong message to everyone who can't see you._ Approaching Hikari and their friends, he let his tone darken, _Now be quiet while I speak._ "So, what are we looking at? Slumber party, day trip, or smuggling operation?" Smiling as Tsuru blushed, Yang laughed, and Hikari exaggeratedly pondered the last option, he made a mollifying gesture with his hands, "Or none of the above, Tsuru. It really is your choice. You've been a good friend to us these past months, and we honestly would like to get to know you better."

"I would…uhm, I would need to discuss it with my father," her hands fluttered through the sentence, half using the sign language and half nervous energy. "He…uhm, he…."

"If he isn't comfortable with you sleeping at Shinji's place, I'm sure I can convince my mom to let you crash with me if your place is too far to travel to safely that late at night," Yang offered easily. "I'll miss out on some of the party, but if it means letting you have _any_ of the party it'll be worth it."

"N-no," her face became more red, "i-it's uhm…kind of the…." Looking down, she began to lock up.

"Would it be easier to call him with us present?" Hikari tried to discern the problem, though the limited clues she could gain from context made it difficult, "I'd be happy to let you borrow my phone."

"Or," Shinji held up his hand to soothe her anxiety, "if you'd really rather not, 'No' is a perfectly valid answer."

"No! I mean yes! I mean…please?" Now a crimson shade that was likely unhealthy, she extended a trembling hand to ask Hikari for her phone, "If you would not mind, Your Grace."

 _Interesting,_ Suzuka's voice preceded her appearance nearby. _She seems familiar, though I cannot say why._

"Good afternoon, Suzuka-san," Yang waved with a grin. "On your way…actually, where _do_ you live now?"

"With me," Shinji answered simply. "Though with how little she has in her room you'd not be mistaken to argue that."

"My belongings arrived this morning after you departed," the swordswoman stated with a shrug. "I have never had much, nor have I wanted much. Who is this young woman," she gestured to Tsuru, "is there some problem? Hikari-san is working rather earnestly at keeping her calm."

Looking over to his wife, Shinji had to agree with his sworn protector. With one arm around the taller woman, Hikari was quietly answering various questions that were relayed from Tsuru's father to Tsuru, then to Hikari herself. "I'm not sure, we asked her if she'd like to come over for a slumber party on Friday, as we don't have school Saturday. Hikari really enjoyed the last one, and if we're lucky we can convince Rei to join us again."

"Horror movies this time," Yang insisted. "We've got to expand her library of cultural awareness, Shinji. Anime is great, but there's a lot of good scary movies out there that people our age reference. Got to help her make friends!"

 _Will I be…required to attend?_ Her eyes stayed focused on Tsuru, but her voice conveyed what her gaze otherwise would have. _I have never enjoyed sitting idle, watching idiots make poor decisions, be it in life or in cinema._

 _I would appreciate it if you would, but it's your life. To be honest, I find horror movies dull. Once you've fought actual horrors from beyond the veil of time and space, watching cheap computer effects does little but remind me of how much_ I've _missed culturally by living with Sensei._ Shinji shrugged, pointing to Hikari, "Convince her, it's her party." _Give me a good romance any day. Plot, acting, and if anyone dies it's a tragedy and not a statistic or a moment of comedy._

… _Would it truly make you happy?_ She turned her head slightly to look at him.

 _Spending time with the people I love always makes me happy, Suzi._ His tone darkened, _Unless, of course, they interrupt my time with another of the people that I love selfishly._ He felt Nyx quiver again on his shoulder, pure joy exuding from her.

"My love," Hikari called him over towards her and the other two young women, "her father has asked a question that I really don't know if I can answer. Do you have a moment?"

"For you? Always," fighting himself to keep his voice light and friendly while his anger continued to snap and snarl was becoming easier, a fact that disturbed him greatly. Presenting himself with a broad grin, he joked, "What mystery of the universe can I resolve for you today?"

Tsuru's eyes flicked between Shinji, Suzuka, and the military beyond, "M-my father, uhm…." After a moment's hesitation, she nodded at a gentle voice from the phone in her hand, "Yes sir," extending the device, she urged Shinji to take it, "h-he'd like to ask you personally."

Shrugging, Shinji accepted the call, placing it to his ear, "Hello sir, this is Shinji Ikari. How can I help?"

"Ah, good afternoon Your Grace, my name is Tomokazu Mitsuishi, pleased to finally speak to you. I understand that you had something to do with helping my daughter find a good career path that will help her family and friends, my thanks." The man's voice had an easy-going quality about it, the kind of voice that seemed as if nothing would bother it even as the floodwaters washed away the year's crops and tore down the village's houses.

"I would argue that your daughter performed the far greater portion of the work there, sir," he smiled comfortingly towards Tsuru who was now being supported by both Hikari and Yang. "Her grades are exemplary, and every day in class she helps the Class Representative and I tutor those students that are having a hard time understanding the subjects she excels in. The classroom would not be the same without her, and I have to thank _you_ for not following along with so many of the parents and removing her from us."

There was a degree of indifference to his response, things would work out as they must, "If you feel it safe to attend, I see no reason she would be in danger. You would, after all, protect her…yes?"

"With my life, sir. I will not accept harm coming to anyone, especially those I consider to be good friends." Shifting slightly as Nyx laid down across both of his shoulders, curling against his head and purring, he moved past the small talk, "Your daughter made it seem like there was a question I could help with? Something about her being able to stay over for my wife's party with your blessing."

"Well, you see, I was hoping to be slightly shameless here. Our village, well, it hasn't done quite as well as we'd like." Shinji wondered at the man's business-like tone, and what the two statements could possibly have to do with the other. "With the recent rains, which are a real blessing, much of our irrigation issues have settled down as the river has started to rise again. Nice steady rains, not the storms or squalls that do nothing but shift soil about. We're hoping that whatever we did to upset the spirits might have been resolved, and that we can begin to expand our crop base again. With the possibility of a real winter, Old Miko is saying we might even have snows again come December, we're thinking of gambling on planting a huge amount of seeds for a late harvest to really make a go of it next year."

"Planning for the future makes sense." He frowned a touch, "if you can't spare Tsuru-chan's help, I can understand, sir."

"No, no, you see that's the shameless part, Your Grace. We produce some of the finest rice, fruits, and vegetables in Your whole region, but business has been bad with the weather being so hot these past years. I was thinking, what with You asking to spend some time around my daughter, that perhaps You wouldn't mind coming out to visit for a day or so? Bring Your wives, see the village…get to know her family." There was a touch of hesitation, "Perhaps even bring a few news crews."

 _To help business return to the area, and show how they're trying to bounce back._ Things clicked together in his mind, "Sir, would it be all right if I put you in contact with Lieutenant Kelly Chambers? She is the woman who I trust with scheduling my time and arranging things with regards to public relations. She would discuss the matter with those entities responsible for safety and security, and help arrange things. If we can convince my leadership to lend me a VTOL, is there a place reasonably nearby to land? I obviously need to be able to return rapidly in the case of an attack."

"I would be honored to speak to the Lieutenant," the sense of relief in his voice was immeasurable. "The local elementary school has a blacktop they use for assemblies, I'm certain we can afford to give it up for a day or two to host Your family."

"Fantastic. I'll get your information from Tsuru-chan and pass it along to Lieutenant Chambers, then. Are there any other barriers to having your approval? We truly would like to have her spend the day with us, her insight is very endearing." Shinji winked to Hikari, who murmured something to Tsuru as the woman seemed to be becoming increasingly nervous.

"Your word that You'll make Your best effort to visit is all I'll ask, Your Grace. I trust my daughter to make wise decisions that will keep her family back here in Ogawa in mind." He laughed politely, "She always has, if You'll forgive a father's bragging."

"Ogawa?" Shinji's heart became unsteady, "Ogawa…."

"Just to the west of Nagano City," the man on the other end of the phoneline had no visual cues to use, and could not see the disquiet that crossed Shinji's face. "We took a pretty hard hit when Nagano lost most of the heavy tourism and industrial preferential treatment. But we're a hardy people, Your Grace. You'll see, we'll make You proud."

"Of course," _Suzuka, we need to talk._ "I promise that I will make every effort to convince my leadership that I would like to tour the area. I'm sure Tsuru-chan would like to show the Duchesses Ikari where she grew up. I'll give you back to your daughter, sir. Again, thank you." Handing the phone back to Tsuru with a failing attempt at a smile, he turned and walked off some, _Ogawa._

 _How ironic,_ Suzuka paced him easily, exuding as much calm as she could to what she knew was a man dangerously close to fracturing. _I was born in what is now Ogawa. Perhaps that's why the young woman seems so familiar._

 _We lived nearby,_ Shinji's fist clenched tightly, causing the leather of his satchel's handle to creak dangerously. _Sensei would drive us from time to time through there on the way to meetings. I would have attended elementary there, had he not been…._ Looking over to the woman that was sworn to his soul, he tried to maintain his temper, _When we go, you will come with us. When we go, I will need you to help Maya to stop me from breaking everything if I have…I want to go, for myself. I want to see the life that was stolen from me._

Nyx had, at some point, changed from sultry seduction to soothing comfort, though he only now noticed as she stroked his hair, _I am honestly beyond remorse that I had to keep that aspect of your life consistent, Shinji._ That she used his name, and nothing else, managed to prick the balloon of his confused anger enough to let him unclench, _Too great a change, and nothing that followed would be as you knew it. Your life, your future, everything you knew would be forever altered beyond recognition. To create a future for all life…I had to sacrifice one phenomenal man's past._ Sitting up, she dropped down to stand before him, _Call my name, when you would chastise me for my wrongdoings. I will leave you alone until then._ Floating up, she kissed him gently, _I love you…I never wanted to hurt you._ With her last admission out, she vanished.

"Shinji?" Hikari's voice prompted him to turn and see his wife standing there attentively, confident that she could help with whatever it was that disquieted him, "Is everything…."

Yang was still holding up, and to a degree restraining from fleeing, Tsuru, "You're looking paler than usual, Shinji."

"Ogawa's a beautiful place," he began. "At least…from what I was allowed to see from the back of a car. I was…housed…."

"His Grace spent a majority of His formative years not far from Ogawa," Suzuka spoke into the lapsed speech, taking his bag from him to stop the handle from being crushed. "Years He does not remember fondly. He looks forward to seeing, with His own eyes, the potential for what might have been had the spirits not been so unkind to Him."

"Oh." Hikari came over and hugged Shinji openly, ignoring propriety and duty, to remind the man she loved that he _was_ loved, "It's right next to Nagano. I'm sorry, my love, I'm not as great with remembering exactly where every city in Japan is."

"I…uhm, I wouldn't call Ogawa a city," Shinji drew strength from the woman in his arms. "Village, like Tsuru calls it, is really apt. A few hundred people, at most. Beautiful orchards, inconsistently paved roads, friendly, smiling people that…that wondered why a young boy wasn't allowed out of the car." Squeezing Hikari once, he drew her over to their friends, "My memories do not change yours, nor is your home responsible for what I've survived." Reaching out, he placed one great paw on the shoulder of the nervous woman with the glowing seafoam green-eyes, "I meant every word I said to your father. I will make every effort to convince them to let me visit."

"Us," his wife added with a warm smile, exuding comfort to both the nervous young woman who had a million questions dancing through her eyes, and to the man that she loved, "because I have never been to Ogawa, or Nagano City, and I would like to see what life is like where my friend is from, where my husband survived."

+++++ 11th Angel + 5: Monday (74)

"Well," Maya and Noelle worked together to hang another photograph, the Duchess proving much more adept with a hammer than the Pilot, "I am certainly willing to put my energies towards convincing the Commander. I think it would be therapeutic, if nothing else, to go and face a part of your past, Pup."

"You know I'm always willing to fly anywhere," Noelle added, wavering back and forth as she tried to assess how uniform the frame was when compared to the other nearby frames. "Landing on a school blacktop? Easy. You saw what it took to touch down on the carrier's deck, the Earth ain't movin' that much."

"It is…convenient, I believe, that a young woman just so happens to be chosen to attend school here, roughly three hundred kilometers from her home. The same home that once held the abuse Shinji endured. The same school that Shinji attends, the same class." Suzuka sat working with her liege lord, helping him learn to use a whetstone. "I do not believe in coincidence, and with his luck I do not believe this is necessarily a good thing."

"She's a potential pilot," Shinji stated, not caring about the classified nature of the topic. "Everyone in my class is, except her," he gestured loosely towards Hikari. "It's why she's in my class. She's naturally from there, though, I wasn't. Chances are good that wherever I lived there'd be _one_ student like me."

"They are?" Looking up from her notebook, and the MAGI code she was studying, Hikari blinked, "I'm not?"

"Our husband is referring to the fact that we would likely murder the entirety of the command staff if they even contemplated putting you inside an Eva," on this point, she would set aside her aversion to violence. "There is a bit more to it, and please Pup, don't go into those details, but suffice it to say that there's a reason so many of your classmates have more or less gone through the entirety of their lives in your class, Hikari."

"You never told me," she frowned between her spouses.

"We also don't tell you about each woman I could potentially grope as I walk through the halls of NERV," Shinji shrugged. "It won't happen, so it's not something we worried about mentioning. There was _one_ other person to actually pilot last time, and he's currently missing. If my guess is right, they'll find him with Unit-03." Holding up the knife so he could look along the edge he'd worked into place, he grimaced, "I'll find a way to save him, this time."

Gesturing to her wife where Shinji wouldn't see, Maya asked for patience. "The potential for piloting itself is incredibly rare, but as a part of the plan to make it so we could save the world, those potential children were gathered in secret. Shinji's right, in that only Toji Suzuhara ever piloted, other than Rei or Asuka. And that…incident, could hardly be described as piloting."

"So do they make anything in this Ogawa?" Noelle tried to move the conversation back towards reasonably safer waters, "Or is it just basic food."

"Good knives," Shinji nudged the box holding the latest wedding gift. "At least, if this one is anything to go by. If Suzuka approves, I can't think of a better mark of quality." Looking towards the direction of Ogawa, and past there to where he'd been raised, his eyes unfocused, "Traditional handcrafted goods, especially on festival days. Light, and life. Smiling women holding giggling children, sturdy men carrying those children too tired, or too upset to move on their own. Grandparents walking arm in arm as they fondly remembered their own youth, or alone as they remembered the love they once had." The table groaned as his hand pressed down upon it, "A kindly police officer asking if I could unlock the door, that he was worried about me being too warm with the windows up…." He gasped as Suzuka's fingers gently caressed his cheek, "S-sorry…what was I saying?" Looking down he saw some blood had gathered where he'd gripped the blade of the knife Vidar had given him, "Oh…uhm…."

"We going to be ok?" The blonde pilot stood close by, ready to act if the need arose, "You sure visiting this place is a good idea?"

Maya had moved swiftly to hold Hikari back, recognizing that Suzuka was the best choice to handle an armed Shinji stuck in his own mind, "We need to start healing." The Lieutenant Colonel lifted her restraint and allowed Hikari to float over and hug their husband, "That means draining the wound, which means dealing with what comes out. We'll be there, he won't be alone."

"Never, ever, again," Hikari swore as she held his head close to her heart.

+++++ 11th Angel + 6: Tuesday (75)

"I don't think it's a bad idea," Kozo surprised Maya by his restrained enthusiasm. "Carefully handled access to some news services, having him walking around discovering a piece of the nation he's entered the service of, allowing him to demonstrate to the locals and the world how genuine his strength and compassion are? There's a lot to be gained here."

"I will send a few of my people to do a pre-assessment," Philip mused, writing down some notes to himself. "Who do you intend to take with you, Lieutenant Colonel?"

"Shinji, Hikari, Nozomi, Kodama," she nodded to herself at the last addition, "support staff would be Suzuka, Captain Minders, Lieutenant Chambers. Add on whatever Section Two personnel or those of the Shirakami as appropriate." Tapping herself on the sternum, she shrugged, "If you don't feel it would be appropriate for me to take those few days, considering the amount of work to be done here-"

"I will not have him leave one of his wives behind," Kozo waved away the concern. "If he stepped out with only one wife, it would send a bad image. He must appear relaxed, at ease. We're putting a great deal of strain on the nation right now, and that strain can be ameliorated somewhat by showing him helping a small village find its feet again. I have no doubt that he's likely to…find a fire to jump into to save someone, so to speak. It will serve its purpose, but only if both of his wives are there to show that he isn't a one-man operation. I expect Hikari-chan will find ways to demonstrate her talent, and I expect you to look for ways to help them as well. Don't hold yourself back, Ikari-kun. The Sub-Commander and I have every confidence in you."

Maya couldn't stop her grin, though she swallowed it quickly, "Thank you sir." Saluting sharply, she turned to leave and was out the door and about her day quickly.

"Awfully chipper for such a basic bit of praise," the general looked to his counterpart. "I don't remember her being so enamored with such in the past."

"It was my calling her by her new name," Kozo chuckled. "She is, and likely will be for a while, very happy to be married."

+++++ 11th Angel + 6: Tuesday (75)

"Ogawa?" Kodama frowned in thought, "Not pulling it to mind."

"It's a village in Nagano, to the west of Nagano City," Maya offered her tablet, displaying the map of the area. The motion served both to help highlight the destination and to move her own body so that Nyx would stop molesting it.

"West of…how close?" The busty nurse was, as always, quick to pick up on anything related to the man she loved.

"Close enough that he has memories of it." It made her happy, in a sad way, to know that Kodama was still who she always had been, if slightly more calm and accepting of others' places in his life, "I've spoken with your Uncle, and he agreed to have you come with us. Have your supervisor coordinate with his office, we'll be bringing you along 'officially' as medical support. Unofficially…I thought you might like to spend some time with your sisters…and perhaps…the man you love." She took a step towards her short-lived housemate, instinctively moving to stop Nyx from making good on the 'threat' to start groping her wife's sister.

Pausing in her actions, Kodama looked along the bed she'd been cleaning to the new Ikari, "…Oh?"

"Have you considered Hikari's offer?" While this wasn't the place she'd wanted to have the discussion, too much time passing without having any discussion at all would lead to stasis, "If it makes any difference, I certainly have no problems with you…coming home." Another step, this time to move away from the otherworldly presence as she trailed a finger along Maya's posterior.

Kodama searched the other woman's face, looking for hesitation, or any hint as to hidden motivations, "Coming…home?"

"It will be different," Maya rolled her hand. "Suzuka-san lives with us, for now. Noelle Minders is staying while she looks for another place to stay, though she might very well just move in. I can't really say; she's taking it slowly." Taking a final step closer, she lightly laid her hands on the taller woman's waist above the hips, hoping that the proximity would prevent shenanigans. Lowering her voice so that they wouldn't be overheard by eavesdroppers, she let her guard down, "He loves you. Your sister loves you. Sisters, love you, that is. I…find that I understand better now what you felt when you saw Shinji suffering. I understand _you_ better. Our husband…does not belong just to us. If you've accepted that, if you've accepted his reality…." Standing on her toes, she pressed a soft kiss to the eldest Horaki's lips, intending to show in a friendly fashion that there truly were no hard feelings. At least, that's what she told herself, "Then don't worry about what's passed. Come home, embrace the future…it might last longer than you think."

Her eyes flicked to the closed door, then back down to the wife of her sister and the man she loved. An entire library's worth of questions seemed to flood her face before her general temperament reasserted itself. Proving that part of being a nurse is being in good enough shape to physically lift patients in an emergency, she gripped Maya about the waist and placed her on the bed behind her. Leaning in, she threw hesitation away with the soiled linens and kissed the diminutive woman as she hoped to one day soon kiss Shinji. After a minute of pleasurable data gathering, she settled back, "I…really don't know if I'm as into women as Hiki is." Grey-green eyes tried to read grey eyes, "I also don't know if I'm not…."

 _Now I know how Shinji feels sometimes,_ Maya felt her heart pounding. While Kodama had doubts, she herself was positive that she was intensely attracted to the elder sister of her wife, at least physically. "Well…I, uh…I certainly don't mind helping you engage in self-discovery." Swallowing, she lightly caressed along exceptionally tight abs, "Better that you…experiment, with someone you trust. Someone that won't…risk unwanted variables."

Kodama asked in all earnestness, "And if he finally bends me over?"

 _Since we're being honest here,_ "…Would it bother you if I watched?" She hooked a foot back behind Kodama's leg, "Someday…more than watched?"

Nyx simply smiled, content with her work.

+++++ 11th Angel + 6: Tuesday (75)

Yang jogged easily alongside the much taller Tsuru, the two young women pacing themselves around the track so that other people couldn't overhear their whispered discussions. The Chinese-born waitress shrugged at the latest question, "He's a confusing man. But, that's not that surprising when you consider that his childhood sucked. He's trying, as hard as he can, to make sure that nobody _else's_ childhood sucks. If you think he's interested, talk to Hikari. She won't bite your head off."

"But," Tsuru's mouth drew into a frown, "he's married to her!"

"To two women," Yang rolled her eyes. "Honey, he's not a player. This isn't a harem he's building. I can guarantee you, from having been at the wedding, that our Class Representative spent a great portion of her wedding night face down in another woman's business. It's not Shinji and his two wives. It's Shinji, Hikari, and Maya-san. They are _very_ much a three-way love relationship. If it helps, I'm going to spend a while looking to see if there's anyone interesting out there myself. If I can't find anyone that just clicks, I'm thinking about seeing how much Hikari likes Chinese food, because I'm certain I can convince Shinji to try my tofu."

Tsuru's eyes widened, " _Yang!_ "

"Psh, please. I've seen you looking," the leggy waitress snorted. "Before you saw Shinji, I would have sworn that you were far more interested in Hikari-chan. There's nothing to be ashamed of, I'm just trying to get you to understand. You grew up near where he did, you're taking him home, give it a shot! Or, if you really don't think that way about him, talk to Hikari and ask her. I guarantee you that any 'flirtation' you're seeing is just you. This is _Shinji_. He'd amputate his own face before doing anything Hikari would disapprove of."

Her own face much more red from the frank discussion than the exercise, she bit her lower lip, "But…what if he doesn't like me, but Hikari does?"

"Then it sucks to be you," Yang said without hesitation. "Because in that household? I'm betting it's everything or nothing."

+++++ 11th Angel + 6: Tuesday (75)

Sitting 'alone' in her private lab, Maya worked on adjusting various schedules to balance her teams out so that nobody was being overextended. _It's been two days. Do you have your offers ready?_ To look at her, she was simply focused, occasionally frowning or smiling based on the information she was perusing. Nobody would ever guess that sitting professionally in the chair on the other side of her desk was the projected appearance of an alien starship captain, or that reclining with a sultry air on her desk was the projected appearance of the Angel that started everything they now faced.

 _I'd like to say that I'm uncomfortable with your…push for this._ Dark wasn't eager to have to 'bid', so to speak, against Nyx. There were things that she simply could not offer, and she knew that her opponent would take full advantage of those things to tip Shinji's heart in another direction. _My partner, your husband, should be involved._

 _My husband does not control my decisions, though he is a part of my decision-making._ Maya's voice held no rancor, this wasn't something that she had come to easily. However, she could not allow Suzuka to be the only long-term offer in play, _You both stated that you could offer immortality, after a fashion. I want to know what that would involve, what it is you are willing to give, and what it is you will ask in return._ Signing the next form, she began a new stack, _This is a preliminary offer, I am putting you both under a time constraint because I am tired of dithering about with this._

 _I'm perfectly fine with bringing you along for eternity,_ Nyx purred, running the back of her foot along Maya's knee. _You've got…spunk. I wouldn't mind seeing how you feel along my tongue while Lover fills me._ Smirking at Dark, she set her offer down first, _All it would take is agreeing that what he does for you, he does for me. Equals._

Dark scoffed, _That's for him to decide, not her. My offer's about you, Maya. It would require…partnering, the way that he and I have. You would agree to shelter me, to the best of your ability, if things go terribly wrong and I need protection. In exchange, the same would apply to you. If…he dies, I would take you with me before this world ended. Partners, friends…if nothing else._ Holding out her hand, she showed a holographic diagram of the device she'd designed, _Eventually, if I convince him to ingest the anchor, I'd give you one too. That way if either of you were in danger I'd have an easier time extracting you._

 _I don't plan on letting the world be in danger,_ Nyx rolled her eyes. _Lover is many things, my sweet, but would you honestly say your husband is prone to failure? He'll defeat Adam's remaining children, he'll let me free, and the lot of us will spend a few millennia in decadent repose. We'll make this world a paradise for everyone, we'll expand your species to the stars beyond, forge a new destiny for our kind!_ She sat up, grinning with a wink, _For your children._

 _At the cost of every other form of life, in every other galaxy._ Standing, Dark leaned with her hands planted on the desk, _You are not a warlike woman, Maya. You're a scientist! Tell me truly that you would contaminate another island on your planet, to say nothing of another planet in your system, or another system in your neighborhood? You study, you learn. You don't murder! Work with me, help me convince him that there can be a balance found. With his strength, we can ask the Judges to come to the table. We can offer Madam Fucksalot terms of peace. If she can calm herself down enough, we can give mankind the same destiny, just shared with every other species!_

 _Peace on the end of a leash,_ slipping off the desk, she floated behind Maya and hugged her closely. _How many times on your world have two differing cultures found balance, hmm? How many wars, how many deaths, were caused by disagreements involving mythologies, let alone ownership of a speck of dirt? How close did your world come to utter annihilation because of competing economic systems?_ Her fingers lingered around Maya's breast, a feather-light massage, _You can unify everyone under His peace. He can provide them with bounties untold. He can rule them with a velvet glove, make it so they never know war, or hunger, or sickness._

 _At the cost of his own pain,_ Dark slapped the desk. _He'll have to sit back while she depopulates reality. Whether he lifts his hand to do it himself or lets her do it for him, the end result is countless dead. Your people thrive, my people die._

 _Only if they refuse to join him in his unity,_ Nyx shrugged. _You would survive, as you've sworn to him forever. If your people make similar oaths, why would I bother? Stay in your enclaves, hide away in your caverns and deserts._ She knew her touch was working Maya's resistance down, _I would remove those who beat you down, who forced you to live in hiding. The fattened wastes that do nothing but consume what your people suffer for, Captain, would die knowing that those they held down were now free. The Judges would follow, the Scions burned to ash. Every bit of suffering you've experienced on your climb to where you are now, vindicated._ Returning her attention to Maya, she let her voice become sultry once more, _Regardless, that's all in the very far future,_ pinching playfully, she giggled, _after we've all become acquainted._

 _You…just said that humans can't coexist with…._ Maya's breath caught as Nyx rubbed her with more pressure, _With…each other. Why would we coexist with…her?_

 _Because her species is adaptable, pliant, and easily swayed by a powerful leader,_ the Matron of Night let one hand lower further. _Our Lover is becoming more powerful each day. Just recently, he put me firmly in my place, threatened to punish me! Me! He is learning his worth, and her…kin…will see that and come_ begging _to be allowed to serve._

 _My people are not sheep to be led to the slaughter!_ Dark punched the table, making everything bounce, _I will not-_

"Maya?" Kodama's voice came from the doorway, "Do…you have a moment?" The elder Horaki seemed irritated, "If you're busy, that's fine. I just…I hate to say it but I need an adult." She held up some forms, "This lease is just bafflingly written, it didn't seem this bad when I signed it, but now I have no idea about some of these clauses."

Nyx had, owing to caution, stopped her active seduction of Shinji's wife, leaving Maya slightly breathless but otherwise coming down from the experience. "I would love to help you," she smiled with relief. _Ok. I have your initial offers. I'll think about them. Next time, however, hands to yourself._ "Come over here and pull a chair around," she gestured to her side of the desk. "Let's see what we can do."

+++++ 11th Angel + 6: Tuesday (75)

Shinji and Hikari were enjoying their time in the kitchen teaching Nozomi how to cook. The duo showering the youngest resident of their home with love and praise as a way to channel love and trust from the Little Lady of the Horaki Clan to Shinji. As Shinji gathered and cleaned, Hikari worked in a more hands-on capacity to guide little hands in producing the meal for the household, "You're doing great, Nozomi. Slow, even, cuts. Speed comes with practice, and blood comes from haste. I doubt Noelle-san wants to eat you, so let's keep with practice for now."

"And believe me, it hurts to get salt in an open wound," Shinji exaggerated a grimace. "Just don't want to risk it, considering sprinkling the salt is most of the fun."

"Fun?" Nozomi pursed her lips in thought, "How is that fun?"

"Because I always pretend I'm spreading magic dust," he shrugged. "Too much and I ruin the spell. Too little and the spell never coalesces. It's basic shamanism, you know."

"I'd listen to him," Hikari agreed as if her husband was sharing the wisdom of the ages. "You've had my cooking, and you've had his cooking, which is more magical?"

"I like both," Nozomi stated proudly. "Nii-san's cooking is subtle and it creeps up on you with surprising depths. Nee-san's cooking is warm and shows you that it loves you openly. Both are super good, in their own way."

"I love you too, Sprout," the elder sister kissed the younger atop her head, content with the evasive answer. "I love you too."

"I'm home!" Maya called brightly from the front door, "I've brought a surprise."

"Go," Shinji urged his wife out. "I'll help Nozomi wash her hands."

Sharing a kiss with her husband, Hikari beamed with joy at the way he handled her baby sister. Disappearing around the doorway towards the entrance of the house, she left two of the people she loved in the care of one another.

"Got to wash our hands properly," he winked as Nozomi waited for him to finish cleaning himself. "If we get juices on Maya-nee-san's uniform she's going to be super mad."

" _Super_ mad," Nozomi nodded eagerly. "Getting stuff out of white is super hard. I didn't know how hard Hikari-nee-san worked at cleaning my gym shorts until Maya-nee-san insisted I learn how to do my own laundry. Super, super hard." Giggling as Shinji hefted her up and braced her with his knee, she continued, "That's why I like Maya-nee-san. She teaches without getting mad when you don't understand, so when she does get mad you know it's because you super goofed."

Drying off tiny hands, he tapped his forehead against hers, "I'm glad you like her, Nozomi-chan. I'm glad you understand."

"Let's go!" Taking him by the finger after he finished working with the towel, she tugged him out to the front, "Maybe it's a bubble machine. We could play with bubbles in the front yard!" Rounding the corner herself, she came to a halt as she saw her eldest sister standing in the living room, Hikari hugging the wayward nurse with her arms wrapped around Kodama's neck. By their feet was a pair of larger bags, clearly more than was needed for a single night. "K…Kodama-nee-san?"

"Hey Sprout," smiling at the middle child as Hikari cleared the way for the youngest, Kodama's smile was self-deprecating, "did you know that occupancy clauses are exceptionally irritating? I just found this out." Dropping to a knee, she held her arms out cautiously, "Can I have a hug?"

" _Kodama-nee-san!_ " Dashing over, the central focus of love in the Ikari Manor nearly knocked her elder sister over with the force of impact. Babbling nigh-incoherently about how happy she was that her elder sister was there, and how she was 'super sorry' for anything that she'd done to chase her away, Nozomi's tears led to Kodama's, with both Maya and Hikari quietly joining in.

Shinji, for his part, stood there with his hands in his pockets and just watched. _Not everything is about me…and I am beyond grateful for that._ Holding one arm out as Maya walked over, he accepted her wordless hug. _Whatever you did, Maya Ikari…thank you. Three weeks is long enough…too long, she belongs here._

 _It's going to be a whole thing, though,_ Maya sighed, leaning against her husband as her wife joined into the sister-hug. _She has to occupy her apartment at least three days a week through the end of her lease. If she doesn't, it's going to seriously impact her credit score through a 'bad tenant' report. We're going to work on figuring it out, but four days of the week is better than none, right?_

 _It is better,_ he nodded. _Tonight…I think I might try that thing you asked for. Just a little force._

 _Oh please do,_ she melted against him. _I have had the most frustrating day ever, and I need release._

 _Tell me about it while I cook,_ he bent down and kissed her gently, guiding her into the kitchen to work on dinner while the three sisters caught up with each other. As they crossed out of sight, he placed his hand against her bottom playfully and squeezed the way she'd wanted, _Sorry…decided against waiting._

 _Shinji,_ grabbing his shirt and pushing him against the counter she looked at him with a hunger he hadn't seen from her before, _if you do not stop I am going to strip you naked and advance Nozomi-chan's understanding of human sexuality well past where it should be at almost nine years old._ Tugging him into a rough kiss, she kept her train of thought moving, _I know now how Ritsuko became so troubled. Nyx does not play fair, and it is insidious._ Pushing him away, she backed up and turned quickly to run water over her face, _Sorry…sorry. Cook. Let's feed our family, and then you and I are going into the bath and seeing what we can do about straightening me out._ Tugging off her uniform blouse she hung it on the hook for the aprons, _I just barely kept my hands off Kodama on the way home._

 _That's…a mental image,_ he blushed, coughing as he went back to the task of food preparation.

Pressing herself against his back, she hugged him tightly, _I have never felt so wanton as I did today, Shinji. Nyx being around all day just…._ Her hand ran along his front as she talked, _How do you do it? How do you not just give in? It's like she turns off the part of my mind that remembers I'm Twenty…four, one, forty-five? I'm old enough that I shouldn't be groping my wife's sister just because she kissed me._

Finding his attention span hard pressed with Maya's attentions along his span, Shinji punted, _You know what? We're not the only people responsible for cooking._ Setting the knife back down, he turned around and gently disentangled Maya, _Get your blouse, meet me in the bathroom._ Placing his hand on his face as if he'd managed to get something in his eye he walked out of the kitchen, and caught Hikari's attention. Pointing to his face, with his free hand he smiled with an 'oops' smile and then pointed to his bathroom with Maya moving quickly behind him. Receiving a loving eye roll, she nodded and blew him a kiss.

The door to his room had barely closed when Maya jumped up into his arms and began kissing him with a fire and desperation that defied description. _Take me, Shinji. Please, don't be nice. Don't be gentle. Don't be afraid. I'm yours; mind, body, soul…._ Clothing fell away as they stumbled into the bathroom behind two sealed doors. Gripping the sink, she arched herself appealingly, standing on her toes and looking back over her shoulder, "Take. Me." Swallowing hard, she felt herself shiver, "Mark me, Shinji. Mark me so deep that everyone knows who I belong to."

His passions already running hot, if through anger and not lust, her frantic appeals keyed him further and removed any control he had over his stammer, "I-I'm t-too strong." Walking carefully over, he placed himself cautiously where she asked him to be, "I c-could k-kill you."

Grabbing a bottle she'd stored amongst her things for just such contingencies, she smiled eagerly, "You won't." Reaching back, she changed the anticipated course of events. Taking everything in hand the way she wanted it, she took the choice from him and before he could decide to stop her was already fully engaged. " _Yes!_ " The first burst of pain coursed through her, causing her to clench and moan loudly.

"M-Maya," he found himself with a face full of hand as her flailing grasp tried to stop him from stopping her by talking her down.

"Shh, shh, I'll be good." Grabbing his arm she bent him down over her back and bit into the limb, _See? Gagging…oh, yes…gagging myself…._ Pistoning her hips emphatically she sent paroxysms of pleasure through his mind as their shared emotions and thoughts bounced off of each other, _Can't scream like this. I'm a good girl. See?_ Several more minutes passed with her actively and him trepidatiously pushing new boundaries in their still relatively young relationship. Mentally screaming, crying, begging him for more, she pushed herself into a frenzy, until her nails dug into his hips and she demanded his release.

Once he was finally allowed to free himself from her, he carefully carried her over to the stools set aside for pre-bath showering, "M-Maya…that…."

"Was something I needed," she panted, still keyed up. "We're not done," her eyes hung on his, her smile lopsided, "but it was a good start."

"I-I'm n-not," he stopped when she shook her head slowly.

"I'm fine, Pup. It's me, I promise. I'm not like Ritsuko-san, I'm not being controlled. If you want, we can take a quick trip to your core, I'll tell you the same thing there." Her eyes shone with the sincerity of her offer, "I just…I wasn't kidding. Nyx… _is_ lust. How you hold back, how you restrain yourself…I love you more now than ever before. All of that restraint, all of that control, and…it's mine." She giggled happily, pulling down the spray nozzle and squirting him with a bit of warm water, "My husband could have any woman he wants…and he wants _me_." Tugging a bottle of soap over with her toes, she patted the floor next to her, "Come here. Let me clean you up; after what we just did, I need to make sure you don't get a UTI."

"O-ok," he nodded, his anxiety mollified by the semi-explanation.

"She was all over me, Shinji. I've asked them to both present their case, trying to gather information so I can help you make the right decisions, and so I can make the right decisions for me." Carefully cleaning him, she mixed tender affections with medical necessities, "Dark was, as I expected, absolutely professional. She cares, she loves you, but she wasn't going to come into these negotiations and throw that around. Nyx?"

Swallowing, Shinji felt himself swelling again, "It's like y-you're holding a b-button that when you p-press it, you just feel _good_. Every little thing s-she does crawls along your b-body like liquid pleasure, and it's all you c-can d-do to not…do things." He nodded, "I-I know."

"I almost didn't make it, Pup," washing him for a third time, partly to be thorough and partly to encourage him towards action, she blew her hair out of her face. "I almost tugged Kodama into a closet. Like I said, I understand better what you're dealing with all the time." Wincing as she moved to wash herself, deciding that he was ready once she was clean again, she mentally sighed as Shinji winced reciprocally and looked down, his physical presence diminishing. "Pup, I'm fine. I knew it would hurt a little, but I _needed_ that. This was, without question, the most wonderfully erotic thing we've done. I…I am _very much_ submissive. Having you take me like this? If I can convince you to do more of the work, I'll probably just turn into a puddle of flesh on the floor. A little pain leads to _a lot_ of pleasure."

He shrugged, folding inwards, "I…I s-shouldn't hurt you."

"You didn't," cleaning herself as thoroughly, she washed her hands off and then shoved him back onto the floor. Climbing atop him, she looked down, "You caused me pain. Which is not hurting me, so long as I asked you to do it. We will be safe, we will maintain sanity, and we will do things like this as long as we both love each other. I…I am not going to be ashamed, Shinji. I enjoy pain. It stimulates something dark inside of me that Nyx was toying with." Working him up again, she smiled wickedly, "And I got it before she did." Giggling, she waggled her rings, "Because I'm married."

+++++ 11th Angel + 6: Tuesday (75)

"They're taking an awful long time in the bath," Nozomi pouted. "Are you sure nii-san is ok?"

"He's probably taking care of Maya, Sprout," Kodama tapped the little one's nose. With the three sisters sitting at the dinner table, their dinner long since produced and consumed, the original family was talking about every and anything they'd missed over the past three weeks. "She was working really hard today, and was probably really sore."

"Besides," Hikari had no doubt that her spouses were taking care of one another, and she didn't care in the slightest, "this gave us a chance to talk just the three of us." Pushing away her plate, she patted her full stomach, "No nurses, no guests, no cameras, just us."

"That's a really nice rug," Kodama commented on the wall decoration. "I've been looking at it all dinner. If I'm right…that's worth at least eight times what our old TV was worth."

"Twelve," Hikari nodded. "I checked." She smiled sadly, "It's actually worth more than the TV behind us."

"Is…that bad?" Nozomi looked between her sisters, "I know spending money's bad, because we don't have a lot, but is it bad to receive a super expensive gift?"

"Depends," Kodama picked Nozomi up from her chair and pulled her into her lap, "in this case? No. Because the gift was given to celebrate a once-in-a-lifetime milestone, and was given by someone who could afford it, and wasn't given with the expectation of receiving something in return. The reason we're pointing it out to each other is we realize that our life has changed. Daddy would be proud, I don't doubt that, but I'm telling Hikari, 'we need to be careful', and she's saying, 'you're right'."

"Because extravagance is wasteful," Hikari quoted their father. "We'll treasure the gifts we have, and we'll think fondly on the people who gave them to us. But we need to not seek out more. We need to be grateful for what we have. We need to think about perhaps sharing that with others, if we find people who need it badly." Sitting back, she tilted her head, "Though who needs this rug as anything but a rug…I'm not so sure."

"Hey folks," Noelle called as she entered the house. "It's…huh, bags. We get another, oh hey!" Noticing Kodama's presence at the table, the blonde walked over with her wolfish grin, "You finally realized living alone sucks?"

"Kind of," Kodama danced her sister's hands around, earning giggles from the littlest lady. "Mostly just missed lap time with the Sprout."

"Understandable," the blonde winked at the youngest household member. "She's a hoot during the wrestling shows, and that's 'dangerous' lap time with the arm flailing and kicking, but everything else is gravy."

"It's only four days a week for the next five-ish months," Hikari said with a sad shrug, "but it's better than nothing at all."

"Why?" Noelle looked back to Kodama, "I mean, it's yer life, you do you, but…I mean, you know?"

"The apartment has to be occupied at least three days a week," Kodama groaned. "It's part of the lease."

"So…ye wanna move back, but cannae break yer lease, eh?" An idea quickly formed in her eyes, "What would…uh, what would ye think about a roomie? Or, more rightly, a house-sitter?"

Hikari felt a small sting in her chest, "You don't want to live here?"

"Kinda do," Raffle made a pacifying gesture. "But, and ye'll forgive me fer sayin' this, I need some time t' adjust. It's nae every day ye find out ye might like both teams, and easin' in is better fer everyone than poppin' smoke and buggin' out or diving in at full throttle. 'Sides," she gestured to Kodama, "this is yer sis. I do her a solid here, in the future, she doesn't bap me about the head an' shoulders for making free with yer person."

"Wait," Kodama held up a hand, "you…and Hiki?"

"Light's a catch," Noelle shrugged. "Ye got somethin' ye wanna make of it?"

"No, no," the nurse laughed, "it's…funny." Scruffing Nozomi's hair so she couldn't see, she mouthed 'later', "If this makes everyone happy, I'm done trying to make waves about things. Standard rules apply, hurt my sister, or hurt our man, I'll hurt you."

"Wouldn't have it any other way," the blonde pilot smiled broadly. "A pack watches after its own, an' that's just how it is."

"Hello Noelle," Maya swished over and wrapped her fellow officer in a hug. "The Commander likes the plan," taking a deep breath, she giggled, "and I'm married."

"Oh Lord," rolling her eyes in good humor, Noelle looked to see Shinji slowly following behind his wife with his hands in his pockets. "This wears off eventually, yeah?"

Shrugging his great shoulders, Shinji's mouth stayed closed. His heart was full, his house was full…he was full.

+++++ Author's Notes

TripleF:

RE: Length and memory.

I'm fond of foreshadowing and sideshadowing. I'm also a little too fond of a good 'brick joke'. I try to make sure that my dear readers get enough of a hint that something had been previously mentioned when it becomes important again, but I know for certain I don't always succeed. It is good feedback to know that for some (many?) readers recalling non-canon details and characters isn't 'super easy'.

RE: Notes.

A literary analysis of my story would likely result in you realizing just how big of a hack I am. I encourage you to do so! I am glad that you've enjoyed my offering, and agree with you that Neon Gen's strength is in the 'grey' of the world, Shinji is not 'white' and Gendo is not 'black'. Each character has the light and shadow that makes them compelling.

origamishishou: RE: Epic maymays.

I was 'with it' once, like you, and then they changed what 'it' was. One day, it will happen to you!


	89. Chapter 89

+++++ 11th Angel + 7: Wednesday (76)

"It's a pleasure to meet you sir," Shinji inclined his head politely to Captain Honda's superior. Holding his spear loose with one hand, he kept his smile pleasant despite his irritation at his time with Suzuka being interrupted. "What can I do for you today?"

"Mostly I wanted to check on how Alpha was doing, Your Grace," the man's stern gaze seemed to be searching for something in Shinji. "I heard some interesting reports, wanted your input if you had any to give."

He heard Captain Honda's song go flat, the young officer knowing full well what the report would likely be. Something in the man's demeanor grated on Shinji, however, and so he decided to engage in a bit of friendly spin, "Well, as you can expect Lieutenant Colonel, Captain Honda is someone who is dedicated to making certain that her people are always representing themselves, and their Army, with pride. When she approached me with the idea to perform a surprise inspection she made certain that I knew that there would be flaws, it set the mood properly in my eyes. Small details add up quickly, and the safety of my family is no laughing matter. After impressing that point on her people, with the aid of the First Sergeant, I've not seen a single thing I would complain about. Except one thing that I heard from Sergeant Doi." He snapped his fingers, "I was going to bring that to your attention at school today, but this is a good opportunity."

"My supply sergeant?" Captain Honda identified the man for her boss, "Is there a problem?"

Shinji smiled innocently, "He said that someone at the Battalion, and you'll forgive me for not knowing who or what that is, hadn't properly provisioned your food stocks and was refusing to address the issue because of 'other priorities'. Now, it's not that you can't purchase things from the local grocer's, but that kind of puts your budget into a bad place and a bad strain on the lower enlisted that don't make nearly enough. Honestly, if I had a moment with the person in charge of this Battalion I'd ask them exactly how they expect people to guard Nozomi-chan if they're not fed properly. I put Sergeant Doi in touch with my friends in the Shirakami, for now. Do you know who I can direct that complaint to, Captain? It is very obviously not your fault, nor is it the good Sergeant's. He said he was preparing details to forward in the report to you today, this was all yesterday, so I might be jumping the chain a bit here. If so, I of course apologize."

"I believe I can field that complaint, Your Grace," the Lieutenant Colonel's jaw had clenched as tight as his haircut. "I'll make certain that whoever believes there are other priorities understands our expectations."

"Oh, that's good," smiling with relief, he looked to Captain Honda, "I believe we were going to discuss today a bit more about Army units and how they scale, weren't we? What _is_ a Battalion?"

"A Battalion is the superior unit organization to a Company, Your Grace," Suzuka stated, her song greatly amused by the game they were playing. "At least two Companies will form a Battalion. As Captain Honda is in charge of Company A, I would assume Company B is either on standby or somewhere nearby."

"Oh," he pursed his lips, nodding in understanding. "That would mean, oh." Looking back to the Lieutenant Colonel, Shinji let his smile become apologetic, "That would mean you are the Battalion Commander, sir. My apologies."

"None necessary, Your Grace," the man bowed. "It seems there are still those who do not understand the new paradigm in play, and I assure you I will remedy this situation with all due haste."

"Excellent," Shinji clapped the man on the shoulder with a blow that would have made Toshiro proud. "As Captain Honda's superior, I'm certain that you're just as dedicated and focused as she is. I look forward to positive results, sir."

Wincing slightly, the man made his excuses and left the Captain there to answer any further issues while he went to start his own investigations. Everyone stood politely by until the officer was out of distance, whereupon Shinji caught Suzuka as she broke her typically reserved demeanor and giggled into his shirt, "I would swear that Toshiro himself possessed you there for a moment, dear heart." Patting him, she looked up with eyes that spoke of a growing fondness, "Not one lie, and yet you dismantled his posturing."

"Pompous jackass needed it," Shinji frowned after the man. Looking back to the Captain, he inclined his head with respectful regret, "I apologize if that made your job harder, ma'am."

"Not particularly," the woman looked thoughtfully into his eyes for a moment. "Your Grace, might I ask a more personal question?"

"I encourage it," he let Suzuka stay under his arm, her presence comforting. "If you're honestly curious, or if knowing something will help you protect my family, I will do what I can."

"Why do you have a problem with those who share your gender?" Gesturing to the willowy warrior by his side, she clarified, "Not that you have not been stern, or firm, with those of mine that you believe have erred. I've not seen you give favorable treatment even to your wives, but it's…pronounced when you dislike someone and they're male."

"I…have suffered under those who abused their authority. In my life, that has been almost exclusively men, until I came here." Forming an 'o' with his fingers, he rolled his spear around the circumference, "I nearly had an issue with two women here, both were rapidly addressed thanks to the quick actions of those who have come to care for me. Commander Fuyutsuki has…done a tremendous job picking up where Toshiro Horaki left off. I am working to overcome that particular flaw in thinking, and I recognize that most males in authority need not be feared or despised, but it is a work in progress."

"If they approach him as competent, calm, and capable, he will respond favorably," Suzuka offered by way of advice. "My ex-husband, and a good friend of mine, both managed just that. If any of your people must approach from a position of authority, I would recommend they keep that in mind. Else they may as well attempt to move a mountain with a teaspoon."

"Always a good idea, regardless of gender," Captain Honda nodded, having gained more of an insight into the man she was rapidly coming to respect. "I appreciate your candid reply, Your Grace. I…believe I understand a bit better why I was chosen for this position."

"Because you were capable, Captain," Shinji gripped his spear firmly. "I would not put up with Akane picking someone incapable just because I might be a bit more comfortable around them. My family is far too important, and she knows that."

+++++ 11th Angel + 7: Wednesday (76)

"He did?" Kozo blinked, surprised. "Well…that's rather high praise, isn't it?"

Akane shrugged, "To be fair, sir, you've reminded him gently but firmly of both his capacity and his obligations, when he's needed the reminder. He has a great deal of respect for people who don't let themselves become bigger than their suit, and we all remember the last man in your suit."

"Are you familiar with 'Damning with faint praise', Agent?" General Benoit chuckled, "Because I can't think of much fainter than 'Wasn't Gendo Ikari'."

"Don't take my praise away," Kozo laughed. "It's my praise, you go earn your own praise and then you can talk about my praise." The old professor kept his good humor as he turned back to the agent, "Please keep letting me know how this new situation develops, Akane-san. I appreciate that you're keeping things back to protect his privacy, I encourage that. But if adding the Army into this situation becomes too much, I expect you to let me know so that I can act. We want to guide him towards leadership, not scare him away from it."

"Yes sir," the agent saluted before leaving with a small grin. Hearing that support for Shinji's ascent was still a high priority always played well at the morning meeting the agents all had, and she'd be able to bring cheers to a group that was busting their collective ass to locate two people stolen from under Shinji's protection.

As the door closed behind her, Kozo looked to his comrade, "At some point, word will spread that it's Gendo who has been instrumental in eliminating much of the more…strident opponents of Shinji's rise to fame." Twirling his pen, he became thoughtful, "What will they think then?"

"Everyone loves a redemption arc," Philip waved off the problem. "Either they'll still hate him, or they'll accept whatever Shinji does, either way it will matter little if it ends in prison for Gendo Ikari. Ignoring his rampage will stick in my craw, and I can only assume that many of my people will feel the same way."

Kozo's good humor faded immediately as his pen came to a halt, "Chew harder. The world we leave for those who come after will not need to fear SEELE, or those like them. Do not presume that I have forgiven Gendo for his part in things, but what he does he does now for the good of mankind."

+++++ 11th Angel + 7: Wednesday (76)

Taking the time between classes to read through letters and respond, Shinji offered the paper he'd just finished to Hikari for a final 'sanity check', after which to then be placed in an envelope. Picking up the next, he saw a 'post-it' attached to it that he'd moved twice already and forgotten about, "Oh…crabapples." Opening the note from Jorth, he flicked the small amendment to Hikari, "Man, Jorth-san must hate me for my forgetfulness."

' _Dearest Shinji, I write to you in hopes that you will forgive my poor Sister for her nature. I would thank you in person tonight, were I meant to ride on her motorcycle, but as some things are not meant to be I will have to trust that you will accept a spiritual kiss of gratitude rather than the physical version. I know, without seeing, that you will calmly take her into your arms, you will hold her as she rages against her own thoughts and feelings, and when all is said and done you will return her to me in a far better condition than you received her in._

' _We are kin, you and me. Meant to bring peace and tranquility to intemperate hearts, doomed to suffer chaos and pain in our own, and strangers in the lands of our birth. Were I to be told that you were holy, that the spirits of your people have touched you in some manner, I would not be surprised in the least. My own connection to things not of this world has earned me enough odd looks and rolled eyes that I have calloused my skin with regard to the thoughts of others. May I recommend you do the same? It is not cruelty to eschew the jabbering of those who have never heard the whisper of the wind, the babble of the stream._

' _My husband, a man I love dearly though I currently wish to strike his head from his shoulders, is attempting to do you a favor. His sister, a woman I love dearly though I currently wish to strike her ass from her torso, is avoiding you because she is terrified of her heart. Thor would pick her up and plant her before you if he'd listen to me, but that has never been one of his failings. He's treating her with the gentleness that she was never shown in her youth, and Goddess help me I love the man for it. Should you have the opportunity, tell her you're eager to listen. It might save you both._

' _I have taken enough of your time, and I thank you for its gifting. May the spirits bless your home, the winds ever be at your back, and the earth itself welcome you home when the next world beckons._

' _With great fondness, Jorth Haraldson née Nordheim.'_

"The world…is filled with odd things," Shinji offered the note to his wife. "I wish I _could_ talk to Idunn. I've tried, but…it doesn't seem as good an idea as it was with Rei or Asuka to just march up and tell her to talk to me. She's a professional, she's in a position of responsibility with me, and treating her like a subordinate just smacks of sending the wrong message."

"Mmm," Hikari let him know she was listening as she read. Her eyes floated along the words three times, checking and rechecking for the obvious meanings as well as the hidden meanings. There was more there than Shinji had noted, she was certain, but strangely most of it was out in the open. "Vidar-san's wife is not one for mincing words, is she?"

"I can appreciate it, honestly," Shinji set his materials aside as he saw the clock near time for the next class. "Someone who just punches me in the face is at least easier to handle than someone who sneaks around to stab me in the back."

+++++ 11th Angel + 7: Wednesday (76)

"Hey, Shinji!" Asuka bounced happily on the track, waving from where she had been stretching while chatting with Kelly, "Thanks for the invitation, I needed some time away from the desk." Tipping her head towards Rei, who had arrived before Shinji owing to testing requirements at NERV for the day, she rolled her eyes. The bluenette had said all of two words, and Asuka never took well to feeling ignored. "Hikari, it's good to see you too. No running gear?" Jogging over to lightly hug the other woman, she kept her smile outwards.

"I'm still a little uneven when I push too hard," Hikari apologized with a sad smile. "I'll be walking around the track with my sister, since my wife got called into an emergency meeting."

Kodama, in a move that made Shinji mentally promise that he'd praise her for it later, waved in a friendly manner to the woman that she'd long had nothing but ill feelings towards, "Soon, she should be at one hundred percent. I'd like it if you'd consider running with her then, she's about your height and could use someone with good cardio to help her recover hers."

Asuka blinked, clearly as surprised as Shinji, then grinned, "Sure, I'd love to."

Shinji could see the positive mood continue to build in her, and wondered what her waveform looked like. "Well, shall we do a warm-up lap?" He rubbed his hands together and set his legs to jogging like he'd seen members of the Track Team do, "After that, we'll do heats and let the slowest runner set the pace for the ten K?"

"Solid plan," Kelly backed him up. "We'll go in order of ages, Pilot Ayanami, Pilot Soryu, you, and then me. I'll set the warm up pace, if you don't mind Your Grace?"

"On your lead, Lieutenant," holding his hand out in the direction they'd run, he waved everyone onwards, "I'll pull up the rear. Longer legs go in back, right?" Once they were in motion, three very different running styles on display, Shinji started up the conversation again, "So, Rei, you missed absolutely nothing in math. It was a free study period, so there were no notes to take."

"That is fortunate," her soft reply was almost eaten up by the sound of feet on synthetic rubber. "I will be able to resume classes in the morning, according to Lieutenant Colonel Ikari."

"Maya, Rei," Shinji shook his head. "I'm sure she's told you as much."

Her disagreement was firm, "It would be inappropriate to refer to her by name during an official duty, and as this is a 'team-bonding exercise', it is by definition official."

"Hmm, fair enough," he allowed. "Ok, exercise over. We're now just running as friends. Kelly, it's reasonable to call you a friend, right?"

"I'd love to be friends with you and the ladies," she backed his play easily. "Asuka and I were speaking before you arrived about her time aboard the Fleet, she even managed to remember the difference between stairs and a ladder well."

"Stupid Navy and their different words for everything," Asuka tossed her arms into the air in a display of playful disgust. "Bulkheads, ladder wells, hatches, decks, just have to be different. Rei should have been there though, it's hard to describe how cramped everything was."

"Unfortunately, I needed someone to protect people here," Shinji agreed. "Rei was invaluable in making sure that nothing happened to Hikari and Maya while I was gone. Which, I must say, she did a good job of."

Rei shook her head, "Class Repre-"

"Hikari," Shinji corrected. "We're all friends, Rei. Friends use names."

Her discomfort was obvious, "Hikari-san…was well tended by her doctors and her sister."

"Maybe once this is all over, we could convince you to come visit the Fleet, Rei?" Kelly moved to support Shinji's push, "You, Asuka, Shinji and his family. I'm certain the various crews would love to have another chance to meet the Pilots who saved the world."

She began to slow as she was struck with too much data at once, "I…."

Picking her up easily and setting her on his shoulder, Shinji squeezed her leg, "You are loved, Rei. Asuka pushed for this because she wants us all to be a team. Kelly is here because she wants to support you just as much as she supports me. I'm here because you are important to me. Hikari would be running too if she could, she insisted on coming despite her still being wobbly. Even Kodama was happy to hear you'd be taking part. She wanted you to come over for dinner again now that she's living with us."

"Damn straight," Asuka agreed. "It's hard to reach out of your comfort zone, I know, but c'mon Blue. We're not going to make fun of you, we're not going to let others make fun of you. Anyone does and I'll thump them myself." She clapped, "C'mon, Shinji, put her back on her feet. We're running. No carrying her, she's got to carry her own weight." Once everyone was moving again, she looked over to Rei, "So, why don't we plan a potluck of some sort?"

"I…am not proficient at cooking," she hesitated. "I work well under direction, and have assisted Shinji in producing meals, but I would not be able to add much to such a gathering."

"Then," Asuka drew out the word, "how about I come over to your apartment beforehand? I've eaten Frau Katsuragi's meals, and I wouldn't trust anything she'd made. You and I can put something together and bring it over to everyone. Or, if you'd rather, we can borrow one of the kitchenettes in the barracks."

 _Thank you for trying, Asuka._ Reaching over and scratching at her back where Rei couldn't see, he gave her a smile full of his gratitude, "I'm certain there are some vegetarian-friendly German dishes. The latke, for example."

"Vegetarian, eh?" The redhead shrugged, "There's more than just those, but yeah. I can definitely keep it veggie-friendly."

 _She's nervous about the waveform,_ [Static] _, her hesitation is focused around how she can't say anything without giving away what she knows. Help her out._ Dark's appearance by Rei, rolling her hands in encouragement, was somewhat unusual in that the ship's Captain wasn't wearing her traditional uniform. Instead, she was in a loose, flowing set of pants similar to Hikari's from their date with Misato and a blouse that seemed designed to keep its wearer cool. The entire ensemble screamed at him that she was attempting to appear more 'casual', yet appealing.

 _Oh. Of course. Please, tell her that I understand. I know that Asuka has problems, I'm trying to do what I can to help her, too._ "It will be good, whatever it is, Rei." Catching her eyes, he gave her a warm smile, "I know how it is to face the unknown alone and afraid. I don't want that for you, and I don't want that for Asuka. Trust is built over time; we've just got to make sure we're taking that time or we'll never build anything. We'll all have challenges, but we have to learn to fight together, rather than fight each other."

Settling on his shoulder, the pink-skinned captain crossed her legs charmingly, _She says that she's glad you understand. She'll try to support you, so long as you understand that she is forbidden from telling you everything._ Toying with his hair, she sighed, _She won't even tell me, so don't feel left out._

 _Orders are orders, and if she's following them she has a good reason,_ Shinji reached up and made as if to scratch his shoulder, giving his passenger a light touch of thanks.

"I wonder what the next one will look like," Asuka asked, trying to change the discussion to something that might include everyone. "They're all so random, no rhyme or reason. We've had enormous polyhedrons and bipedal starfish. Who knows, maybe this next one will be something completely impossible, like a Penrose stairs."

 _C'mon Rei,_ Shinji silently urged. _Anything._

"That would be inadvisable," the recalcitrant bluenette stated quietly. "If an impossible object existed in three-dimensional space there is a non-zero chance it would become unstable and collapse into itself. Statistically it would be more likely such an evolution would be selected against."

"Although," the redheaded pilot picked up the chance to debate, "we've already witnessed several physical improbabilities. Non-propulsive levitation, the cruciform explosions, energy transfers that defy commonly understood physics. Perhaps that's our fault? We can't perceive them the way they appear so we create a physical representation mentally that allows for them to exist to us?"

"Perception overriding reality?" Rei considered the concept, "Or would that be reality overriding perception?"

Kelly subtly shifted back to where Shinji was running, allowing the two similarly sized women an easier time with engaging their minds. Reaching over Shinji bumped the back of his hand against hers in gratitude. He knew the woman had helped keep the peace before he arrived, and her easy offers to find new ways to praise Rei as Shinji had been praised were just what he wanted. When the lithe officer grinned at him, he knew she understood.

 _Life isn't that bad._

+++++ 11th Angel + 7: Wednesday (76)

With Maya stuck at work discussing something exceptionally classified, Shinji took Hikari home after seeing Rei to her escort and Asuka to her dorm. As Noelle and Kodama were also on duty, and Nozomi busy spending the evening with Sakura preparing her for the stricken youth's first day back at school, and Suzuka out of the house engaging in a continued search for the grave sites of the fallen five, he was reminded of two competing forces at once.

First, his house was overly large. Even with so many people now living in it, there was still more than enough room for everyone to have whatever space they needed. The blonde pilot had a section of the living room she'd apologized for co-opting to work on her boots while they spoke or watched TV. Suzuka's kit for caring for her constant companion sat neatly organized at one end of the couch where she had the best vantage of potential home invasions. Hikari had her home notes next to his, both ready for studying when time called for it. Maya's spare tablet sat close to their binders, charging its battery without clogging the walkway. Each person had their place, finding a groove to fill, and nobody sought to push anyone else out.

Second, his younger wife was one of the most beautiful women on the planet. Two and a half months after he met her again for the first time, she had filled out in a way that he was positive she was unaware of. More than once at school he'd seen and heard other men mention that Shinji had 'lucked' into what they'd ignored for a decade. The Horaki bloodline was filled with powerful women, attractive women, brilliant women. She might have been a bit too thin in middle school, a bit too gangly for most of the young men to see the inevitable, but three years is an eternity for a teenager and she had used those three years to devastating effect.

Floating over towards their bedroom, her natural grace making every movement seem intentional, she laughed brightly at Shinji's comment of it being odd to return home 'alone', "I know! I'm so used to Nozomi-chan stomping around, or Maya mumbling adorably about something. I'm even beginning to expect Noelle griping about her 'nuggets' or Suzuka quietly mentioning something to you about the Shirakami. Now with Ko-Ko home, I'm sure it'll be that much noisier. It's so…full!" Stopping at the door to their bedroom, her smile couldn't be dimmed, "It's everything I wanted. A big house, a big family…so much love."

 _If either of you, and I know you can hear me, interrupt what I'm doing…I will not be held responsible for what follows._ "Then I hope you will forgive me for being a little selfish tonight, because I'm still adjusting to having so many people around." Towering over her, he set one great finger on her cheek, "Last night, I did something for our wife at her request. It was uncomfortable, if pleasant, and while I do not regret it I'd like to…unwind."

Frowning in thought, Hikari looked up at him without any hint of fear or concern at the difference in size between them, "Of course, my love. You know I'll do anything. Did you want to take a bath? Have some privacy?"

"I want to make love," he stated with far more confidence than he felt. "Not…like you and I did a few nights ago. Not trying anything new, or desperate, or…. Just you, and me…taking our time and…."

"Romance," her frown disappeared as the pieces clicked together. "I do sometimes forget, somehow, that my husband is an incurable romantic." Taking his hands and walking backwards into their bedroom she smiled teasingly, "It will be a challenge, I'm sure, to let you bring me pleasure. But if I _have_ to." Her comfort with the positioning of everything in the room allowed her to navigate the darkened chamber without concern, "So, shower? Bath? Bed? I am in your hands, my love. What do we do?"

"We'll start with me washing the day off of you," _I can do this._ "I've had to make so many decisions I didn't want to…I…I think I'd like to make some decisions that make me feel happy."

"Ever my most faithful servant." Pushing the light switch in the bathroom to the lowest setting, she held her arms out to her sides, "Dear, if you would be so kind as to take this off of me? I find myself rather tired, and in need of some pampering."

 _Thank you._ "At once, Your Grace."

What followed was several hours of lingering touches, whispered kindnesses, and calm reminders that his needs were not intentionally being ignored. His younger wife was a woman of ardent passions, if of the traditional kind. She longed to shine her Light upon him in all ways, to make him the center of the universe. By sitting back and allowing him to instead covet her as he did, she recharged his batteries. She wanted so badly to serve him, and it seemed bizarre in her mind that serving him would require letting him serve her, but if this would help him she would gladly offer herself to him each night for the rest of creation.

After a time she sheltered beneath his form, still well and truly entangled with him, and sighed in purest contentment. "I want this to continue forever, Shinji. I want to be closer to you, a part of you…inseparable." Trailing her fingers down his cheek, she knew he'd give her anything she asked for, "But I don't want to force anything out of you."

"What can I give you?" With his emotional needs thoroughly sated, he let his guard down completely, "You know I'll give you anything."

"I want you to touch me…the way you touched Suzuka," purring as he shifted slightly, a contented smile played about her face. "I want to know your mind, to know your thoughts…I want to overcome my fears of being replaced."

"You will never be replaced," laying more fully atop her, he hugged her close. "Never." Breathing in her scent, how it mixed with the lavender she preferred, tickled his mind and soothed his worries. _She's just anxious. Just like I am. She's not accusing me._ "I would give up everything for you, Hikari. The world, the universe, everything. You give me life…you give me hope."

Hearing him say the words that her peers gave her those few days past only bolstered her decision, "Then tie me to you, my love. Loop that last cord around us both and seal us with one another for all time." Pre-empting his next argument, and demonstrating that she was not entirely ignorant of his mind, she combed her fingers through his hair, "I need to, and please forgive my vulgarity, grow the fuck up. There will be others, like my sister. Our life is not simple." When Shinji snorted a laugh, she sighed, "I know, I know. I don't swear very well. You get my point."

"It's…adorable," he whispered. "It's like Maya with her 'crabapples', it just sounds so strange coming from you that I can't help but be amused. Like a tiny cat looking at me and swearing, it's…it's adorable." A spike of pleasure rolled along his spine as she kissed his neck, "Are…can you give me some time to think about it?"

"Of course I will," she nibbled on his neck. "Because right now I want more. I want my husband to show me his love."

+++++ 11th Angel + 8: Thursday (77)

"It's a terrible plan," Maya wished she were home, but knew her husband would ultimately need her here fighting the battle she was engaged in. "An uncontrolled autonomous 'dumb' A.I. will do nothing but make fights harder for the pilots. I would say that I know Lead Pilot Ikari better than anyone, and if he has to he will rise to the occasion. Even if it's Toji Suzuhara he's facing."

"But wouldn't this make it easier on him," Misato set a cup of sugary coffee before her friend and coworker. "Soryu and Ayanami don't have the…attachments to Suzuhara that -01 does. He might not appreciate being sidelined, but ultimately he won't have to…."

"Kill him?" Ritsuko offered, her teeth grinding around the thin remnants of her lollipop, "Whether he's in the saddle or not, Misato, he's going to feel like he killed him. He has tried in so many ways to offer another chance, according to Section Two he's still beating himself up over this. Whether the lone dummy plug we have functions or not, if Suzuhara dies he'll feel it."

Kozo had sat quietly, listening to his most trusted subordinates calmly debate the potential murder of a teenager. He knew that Misato would never enjoy it, but given the choice between allowing an Evangelion to roam free or eliminating that threat, she'd blow his brains out herself. He knew that Maya's entire argument was predicated on some knowledge that she wasn't sharing, her contentions focused on not trusting a system that she had a hand in creating over a man that she loved dearly. It was Ritsuko that surprised him the most, her affections for their star pilot had changed from crazed lust to an odd combination of nurturing and regretful. They had been planning various responses for nearly twenty hours, and not one screaming match had broken out. The system was healing itself, and he was grateful. "We'll reconvene later today," he spoke into the pause. "Go home, get some sleep. Be back in seven hours, and bring your worst-case scenarios. I want to spend tomorrow planning against those."

"Are we so certain that SEELE is going to make this move, sir?" Maya drank down her coffee, needing it to at least help her get home. "Using Yasuji-san as leverage, launching an assault against not only us but the First Fleet, the JSSDF, and a whole host of other nations that would see this as a declaration of war. This just doesn't fit their methods."

"It won't be that obvious," Ritsuko stood, stretching. "They'll find a means to justify it, so we'll have to be super careful about…oh damn it."

"Nozomi-chan's getting to you," Misato smirked. "She's insidious, that one."

"Go. Sleep," Kozo waved the three women on. "We're making good progress, folks. I am pleased, and grateful, that you have set aside whatever problems you had. Let's build on this, after a break."

"Yes sir," two women chorused, with Ritsuko waving away the praise.

"I'll be downstairs," the demi-blonde yawned as Kozo left. "My street is undergoing construction, and I'll never get sleep there."

"Ugh," Misato cleaned up the papers on the table, her new habits built off of Shinji's desire for her to be healthier kicking in on 'automatic', "that's 'super' gross." Giggling, she smiled at her one-time best friend, "I love that little girl. She's sunshine in a bottle."

"Come home with me," Maya offered, tapping out a message to Shinji. "We've got a spare bed tonight, and Shinji will make sure you have something healthier to eat." Looking over to her one-time boss, she emphasized the sincerity of the offer, "It's quiet, it's restful, and if we're all as serious as I think we are about trying to help our pilots not have to murder someone, I'd rather do what I can to help the smartest of the three of us perform to potential."

"I concur," Misato stood, leaning towards making it an order if Ritsuko declined. "If Lieutenant Colonel Ikari feels that she can support you, we need everyone on top of their game."

Maya's phone played the gentle tones of a measure she'd asked Shinji to perform on his cello so that she'd have something special to identify his texts, glancing down she showed it to Ritsuko, "He agrees. Already asked what he can have ready for you, and is cleaning a room for you."

"We still need to be mindful of public opinion," Ritsuko tried to decline.

"We are," Misato shrugged. "Go. We're wasting time."

+++++ 11th Angel + 8: Thursday (77)

Shinji had forgotten, having become accustomed to not wearing a shirt in the dark hours of the day when everyone else was asleep, that he only had on the comfortable house pants that Hikari was fond of. Kodama and Noelle were at the apartment, Nozomi had been brought home to sleep fitfully as she fought against excitement at having her best friend back by her side for class, and Suzuka had come home and retired without comment. So when Maya and Ritsuko walked in, he approached them without concern for his semi-dressed position, "Welcome home," he offered quietly to his wife, pulling her into a hug. "Thank you for letting us help, Rits," he gave the doctor his warmest smile and a similar embrace. "Thank you for trusting us to help you. You're always welcome here."

"Uhm…well," blushing, Ritsuko grimaced apologetically to Maya, expecting the newly married woman to be angry at the situation, "Misato kind of ordered me."

Maya raised her eyebrow, "Would you kindly hug my husband back? You're making him feel bad." _I'm going to get ready and crash, Pup. I am sorry I can't say what we're working on, it's classified._ "I'll set my alarm to help you wake up on time, Ritsuko-san. I'm off to sleep."

"I'll make sure she has what she needs," Shinji assured his wife. "Were you hungry now, or do you just want to go to bed?" Turning his attention back to the woman before him, he played off of the trust Maya was demonstrating, "I'll have the meal you asked for waiting to take in, hopefully you don't mind if I make a double batch. Chances are good you three won't be able to get away, and you can save the second half for later. You can't think clearly if you don't eat healthy, after all."

Ritsuko watched as Maya slipped into her bedroom, "Shinji…you do know you're not wearing a shirt, right?"

"Oh." He looked down, "I'm sorry, that's probably very embarrassing for you." Blinking, he stepped back, "I apologize. I forget sometimes. I don't sleep, and I don't want to spend as much money as I'd have to, to buy all of the house shirts I'd need every time I grow another three or four centimeters." Bowing, he repeated himself, "I apologize."

"No, no!" Ritsuko laughed, now actually embarrassed, "I…I don't mind, I mean…." Clacking her teeth shut, she sighed, "This is your house. You know what happened between us, I-" She cut off as he stood back up and waggled his finger.

"That wasn't you, Rits. We've discussed that." Gesturing towards her room for the evening, he smiled again, "Come on, let's get you someplace that you can sleep. Let us support you, at least for tonight. You work hard, you've managed to get Sakura-chan back to school!" Setting them in motion he couldn't stop from grinning with his excitement at that, as he knew that the young girl hadn't managed that feat where he'd come from, and so he shared that enthusiasm with the demi-blonde, "You deserve more credit than you get, Rits. A warm, safe, bed? A healthy, filling meal? I'm glad my wife offered, and I'm glad you accepted."

Stopping just inside the room, she looked back as he'd come to a halt outside of it, "You…know people will talk."

His grin faded, just enough to add an air of seriousness to his next statement, "Let them." Shoving his hands in his pocket, he hefted his great shoulders, "I know who matters, and who doesn't. I know who knows the truth, and who can only ever guess at it. If I am to be the Duke Ikari, if I am to speak for millions of people, then I will speak only the truth. I will do what is right. You were wronged, Ritsuko Akagi. I will not sit idle and let that stand." His grin filled back out, and he bowed playfully, "Sleep well. You'll find breakfast, and meals to take in waiting for you. I'm sorry, but I have to be to school before you'll wake up or I'd see you off myself. If you need, I'll be in the kitchen or at the table writing. Don't hesitate, we're all family in this house."

Watching as the young boy she'd seen arrive months ago walked off to be about his business, Ritsuko bit the side of her cheek hard. She would not cry. Not once had she cried since she started down the path she was on, and until he was forever safe from the Evangelions she'd helped create she'd never cry. He deserved better, and she'd find a way to give it to him.

+++++ 11th Angel + 8: Thursday (77)

 _It isn't wise._ Dark stood by Shinji and Suzuka, _I'm not going to try and prevent it, or prohibit it, so please understand that's not what I'm getting at. Including someone who has the potential to see the future in a connection that is as based in the mind as it is in the soul could very well lead to complications that…I'm trying to think of a comparison and failing. It may do nothing; it may end in all of you comatose on the floor._

 _I appreciate your contention, Dark,_ Shinji frowned suddenly. _I need a better name for you. You're not 'Dark'. You never were. I misunderstood you, your motivations, your outlook. I'm going to give that some thought, if you're ok with me thinking of something else to call you. I wish you had a name I could use, but I understand that your people just…don't._

 _That's…not entirely true,_ she blushed. _We have one, it just isn't used. There is a great deal regarding my society and culture that you don't understand,_ [Static]. _So much that would take ages to adequately explain._ Wearing yet another outfit for a new day, she seemed regretful, _I doubt you could pronounce my name. There is a tonality, what you would consider a 'song' that is a component. Teaching it to you would…. Regardless, if you wish to find something you feel more fitting, I am willing to learn to respond to it._

Suzuka gestured to herself, _Then, returning to the topic at hand, is there no means to sever the link once it's connected?_

 _You might be able to, with help from the b…from Nyx. He's borrowing her ability; she would be the one to approach. I wouldn't hold out hope though, once two waveforms are interlocked? That's generally that._ Turning to Shinji, she smiled hopefully, _I did tell you it was for life. You…aren't mad, right?_

 _I need your help,_ he shook his head. _So long as you don't abuse what I've given, I have no reason to regret having someone around that is eager to help avoid bloodshed. We'll learn about each other, come to an understanding of each other. It's not like I have a limited time to do that, so long as we stop the Angels from ending the world and convince Nyx to share reality. If nothing else,_ he shrugged with a smile, _I'll be able to learn about a peoples that no other human has ever met. Your culture, your language, your cooking. It would be silly to be angry that I've been gifted that chance._ His phone buzzed on the table nearby, _Oh. Ok, I have to go start cooking. Please, if you have any time between running your ship and figuring out what's wrong with Asuka, see if you can find anything about mixing Nyx' ability with the Horaki ability._ Standing from his seat, he paused, _Oh, and I like the clothes you've been wearing. I'm sorry that I've been taking up your spare time, since you're not in your uniform I figure that's what it is. Thank you for your help._

Blushing, Dark looked to Suzuka, _He's in a good mood._

 _He spent an entire evening with the woman he loves, that would put anyone in a good mood,_ the swordswoman offered with a proud smile. _His anger and frustrations needed release, and he found that release. Repeatedly._

+++++ 11th Angel + 8: Thursday (77)

"Maya…could I ask you a question?" Ritsuko sat near where Shinji had much earlier in the morning, taking far longer over breakfast than she typically did, "Feel free to tell me to mind my own business, either before or after the question." The house was empty, save for the two scientists, and the demi-blonde had to admit that it still felt alive. The entire aura standing in stark contrast to the shallow emptiness of her own apartment.

"I'm willing to listen," scribbling a note down on her tablet, she flicked her eyes up enough to show sincerity before continuing her team assignments for the day. "Can't guarantee an answer."

"Does…Shinji often stare off into the distance? My time around him has been limited, and if he's just being introspective I can understand that, but he seems to…it's almost like he's arguing with himself, or someone else." The former bottle-blonde had stepped out to ask her host a question close to ten minutes after he'd offered, not wishing to wander around the house looking for the laundry area so she could start her clothes, only to find him scowling at nothing and standing with his body posture closed off.

Maya had been ready for such a question for some time, and had several variations on the same theme prepared. With the upcoming trip to Ogawa, she used the simplest one, "He grew up in a household with a man that never spoke to him outside of scholastic matters. If he had any friends, they were likely imaginary. I would assume that his critical thinking mechanisms are all tied around internal debates with differing perspectives. I've seen him do it once or twice, and always when he's wound up about something. He's going to be going 'home' soon, which would give him more than enough to worry over."

"Oh. That…actually makes a great deal of sense," Ritsuko tilted her head as she thought through the logic. "I often forget that he wasn't socialized growing up, what with how well-adjusted he's become. Nothing like the young man Misato was worried over in her apartment." Seizing the chance to have some 'girl talk', the lonely doctor leaned in, "She took some pictures of him, called me that evening absolutely baffled that 'a man' was 'crying'."

Pleased that her half-truth was so easily swallowed, Maya played along, "I'd think she'd be used to that. How many men think they have a chance with a drop-dead gorgeous woman like her, only for her to laugh them off and leave them crying on a couch?"

Laughing as several such memories came to mind, Ritsuko nodded eagerly, "True. True. But this time, she'd tried to be 'fun', and Shinji apparently acted like the man we all know and adore. He went to her closet, got hit in the face with a broom, and just laid down on the couch. Can you imagine him doing that now? It's been two and a half months, and he's gone from crying on the couch of a woman most men his age would self-amputate to touch, to standing around confidently without a shirt on as he welcomes his wife home. I guess I shouldn't be surprised that there's lingering mental damage, he'll likely need you to help him through that over the years. He's a good man, I'm glad to see I didn't destroy that."

"It wasn't you, Ritsuko. Shinji…convinced me of that." Maya looked off towards his school, "I think we all need someone to help us in the years to come. There's precious little that's sane about what we're doing, and the damage it's done to all of us can't be measured yet." Looking back to the woman across the table, she reached out with an offer of forgiveness, "It's not my place, because you didn't do what you're being blamed for. But I forgive you, Sempai. You've done the same thing as that bitch that let my husband live in a closet for a few days…you've turned your life around. No smoking, less sarcasm…I haven't had as many complaints from the staff I've assigned to help you. I'm proud to know you again."

Looking down at the offered reprieve from the burdens of the past, the woman wanted desperately to latch on. The scientist was curious as to how Maya was so certain she'd changed, that she wasn't just insane and waiting for another reason to try and rape her husband. The daughter wondered if anyone had ever tried to actually befriend her mother…if she'd actually ever had one worth calling that. Gingerly taking Maya's hand, she looked back up into soft grey eyes, "He's a lucky man…to have someone like you, Maya."

"I'd say it's the other way around. But I'm biased and my perspective is tainted like that." Squeezing once, Maya grinned, "Because I'm married."

+++++ 11th Angel + 8: Thursday (77)

"We'll be flying there," Shinji said during their lunch period, sitting with his friend and wife under the old oak tree. "The Osprey will be a little cramped, between personnel and luggage, but it will be faster than the train or the armor." Drawing out the route in the dirt, he explained the briefing he'd been given by his EA that morning, "Alpha will leave local security in the hands of Bravo for the day, and will roll out in advance of us departing, meeting us in the AO on arrival. Captain Honda is going to try and limit the footprint of personnel in the village, because we're not anticipating many people will know we're coming. Other assets will be on standby from local garrisons, and the NFZ will-"

Tsuru lifted her hand slightly, looking lost, "I…uhm, I'm sorry."

"An 'Osprey' is a plane-helicopter hybrid, 'Alpha' is the name of the military unit that has been providing security around Shinji the past few days here at the school, 'AO' stands for Area of Operations which is where a military action is planned to occur, Captain Honda is the soldier Shinji stands near at the beginning and end of the school day, 'footprint' means how many of the soldiers will be visible to people in the area, and an 'NFZ' is a No-Fly Zone where planes aren't allowed unless they're military." Hikari looked to Shinji, proud of herself, "Right?"

"As always," Shinji nodded. "I'm sorry Tsuru, I was thinking and speaking at the same time. It's not a good habit to be in, I should be communicating with you in a 'language' you understand. We're going to your home, and this briefing should make you feel confident that we're not _invading_ your home. Let me try again."

Seafoam green eyes pleaded with him, "Please?"

"After the party ends, once we all wake up," he tapped where he'd set the house, "we'll all take showers and get ready for the day. I'll make sure everyone has a good breakfast, then we'll load into the Osprey. Noelle says she can land it at my house, which would stop us from having to bring you into NERV. Space will be tighter than normal, so I hope you and Hikari don't mind sitting close because we have to distribute weight evenly and that means Kodama and Nozomi sit by each other. Maya and Suzuka, Kelly and Akane."

"Careful," Hikari reached over and gently took her friend's hand, "I like holding hands when I'm on trips."

"I don't mind," Tsuru blushed lightly. "I haven't flown before, so it will likely help me."

"Really?" Shinji paused, "Well, I'll make sure to take it nice and steady then. I don't have a lot of practice, but between me and Raffle I think we can avoid a bad experience for your first time."

"Raffle is Noelle-san's name when they're flying," Hikari explained quickly. "His name is 'Paladin'. You'll hear them call each other that, don't worry."

"Right," he nodded. "Once we land, which shouldn't be that long after we take off, we'll meet up with Captain Honda," he gestured to the officer who was in her normal place during the lunch period observing the quad, "your father, and anyone he feels we should be introduced to right away. The Captain has promised that Alpha Company, the nice people protecting the school, are going to do as much as they can to stay out of sight. Her hope is that because we're moving so quickly on doing this that any troublemakers won't have a chance to ruin things. She's spoken with the local kōban, to coordinate everything with the police. At that point, we'll be in your and your family's hands. Any events, or meetings, or tours you want to give," he favored her with a warm smile, "we'd love to experience."

"I…I hope you aren't disappointed," she was aware that Hikari was still holding her hand, and subtly scooted closer to her so Shinji faced both of them at the same time. "It really is a beautiful area, but…there isn't a lot to do."

"With the group we're taking, I doubt we'll be lacking for excitement," Hikari rolled her eyes. "One of us is bound to find an orphanage burning down to race into, or a construction project to help with, or a mud field to fall into."

"I have pushed Nozomi-chan's laundry up on the priority chain," Shinji bunched his lips off to the side. "She's probably going to find a way to get dirty on the plane, to say nothing of a farming village."

"She's not that much smaller than my sister," Tsuru offered. "If we need, I'm sure Mo-chan wouldn't mind letting her borrow some clothes."

"Thank you," Hikari squeezed her hand. "I don't know how my sister does it, but she finds a way to create dirt out of thin air. It's amazing how clean and fastidious Sakura-chan is when the two are so friendly with each other."

"We're looking forward to this, Tsuru," Shinji stated honestly. "A couple of days away from the noise of a city, the weather sounds like it'll be nice and clear, this is going to be great."

+++++ 11th Angel + 8: Thursday (77)

"This is going to suck," Akane groaned. "I joined up with NERV to get away from the bucolic life. Why did you have to volunteer me for this?"

Jake laughed, "Because you're his big sister. We send any more foreigners and we increase the chances of an incident. We'd send Mikoto but she came down with the flu. You knew guarding him was a pain when you agreed to it, so you don't get to bitch now."

"I'd love to go," Nicolette sighed, "I miss the clear skies and clean air. But I fall under 'foreigner'."

The trio of agents were going over the reports returned by the field agents they'd sent to scan Ogawa in advance, leaving Nozomi and Sakura with the latter's agents while in school. Each report seemed to say the same as the last, 'Calm', 'Friendly', 'Loyal'. The more they read, the higher their hopes went that for once Principle Alpha would manage to go somewhere other than his home without a fire, a fight, or a firefight.

"When I get back, I'm demanding he make me breakfast for a week," the native agent groused. "And not the cheap stuff, either. Wait, what's this?" Re-reading a paragraph she frowned, "Dead?"

+++++ 11th Angel + 8: Thursday (77)

"It's so great!" Nozomi bounced happily, "She sits next to me, and I've been assigned to be her helper, and the teacher is super impressed by how hard she's worked in the few months she was gone, and she even said that she liked eating lunch in the cafeteria and-"

"Hold up," Shinji waggled his hand for patience from the Nozomi-train, "cafeteria? I gave you a lunch for her, did she not like what I sent in?"

"No, no, no," Nozomi shook her head, "she just wanted to eat with all of the other students. Everyone was excited that she came back, and there wasn't enough room in the classroom so we ended up moving to the cafeteria because Sensei wanted us to be a little more respectful and not crowd around poor Sakura-chan, but then we ended up talking about how she's been sleeping at NERV and how you've become her big brother and everyone was super excited about that saying that they hoped she could get them an autograph or something, I think they maybe forgot that I'm your sister too but that's ok because it meant Sakura-chan was the star of the show which is-"

"Nozomi-chan," Kodama stretched, a loose smile on her face as she watched her baby sister be babied by her Baby, "you're rambling."

Shinji smiled tolerantly, "She's excited. It's ok." Running a hand over his little sister's head, he began to ponder whether he was doing the right thing or not. _Telling them that Yasuji-san is missing, that Toji-san…._ "Is she happy, Nozomi? Be honest, please."

"She…is?" Now distracted from her story, she stopped spinning in place and looked at him with the too-serious eyes of a Horaki, "She'd be a lot happier if it wasn't so close to the anniversary of his death." Her tone and inflection aged, and a great sorrow carried through her words, "What he did to her, Shinji…I often wonder how much it would cost me to ask Lily that you were sent back in time another three years, that things weren't allowed to reach that point…to be different. You would have stopped any of it, and she wouldn't have these damn memories." Sighing, she sat on the table, "I wouldn't have to hold her hair back as she puked cheap liquor into the toilet, I wouldn't have to convince her to come home again. That you really loved her, that it wasn't a lie, that you told everyone to leave you alone for the week so that you could be here for her."

Shinji motioned for Kodama to stay back, "Because of…."

"I know, right?" Nozomi's mouth quirked, "We both know what he did. But even the two of us can't put voice to it. We're just marking time until she's able to come to terms with everything for another year. What is it about the anniversary of monsters dying that just…stops us from living? Your father, her brother, Ayanami? They're these…larger than life villains, they come to overshadow everything we do, and…and for once Daddy wasn't right. All the hugs in the world…we love her, right?" She looked at him, desperate for affirmation, "Right?"

"I love Sakura," Shinji left off the honorific, reaching forward and gently gripping Nozomi's shoulders. "And I love you. Never doubt that."

"I love you too, Shinji," standing from the table she pulled him into an anxious hug. "I…I miss them so much. I wasn't supposed to be the one, I wasn't supposed to be alone. It was supposed to be nee-san! It was supposed to be Hikari, Kodama, Maya." Breaking, she began to sob into his shirt, "Why did she have to do that? Why couldn't she just let us be happy?"

"Shhh, shh-shh," scooping her up into his lap, he held her and rocked back and forth. "It's ok. I'm here." Broken-hearted wails of loss rang through the living room as he provided her an anchor. The type of crying that only comes from tragedies that defy explanation or resolution. As he soothed her, he looked to Kodama from time to time, watching as her hands twitched with the need to engage with her 'Sprout'. It wasn't for another several minutes that she finally collapsed, going boneless as the vision left her, "Her door, please." Standing, he hesitated only long enough for the eldest Horaki to vault over the back of the couch and hurry to Nozomi's room.

"Go get her toothbrush," Kodama already had her bedsheets pulled back, "I'll change her out." Coordinating their efforts, a need to do something 'useful' for the Little Lady of the House, the eldest sister fought back tears of her own. Crying wouldn't help, right now.

When Shinji came back into the room, Nozomi was tucked in and ready for an unconscious brushing. Handing the tools to the nurse, he moved to take the day's clothes and put them with the rest of the laundry. _I hate this._ A quick check of the room, to occupy his time, yielded a few this's and that's that needed to be put away. Mindless busywork that he would normally ask Nozomi to do in order to build up positive habits, _Why are all of her visions terrible?_

Kodama sat back, content with the job she'd done. Dabbing at her baby sister's cheeks, she cleaned off a few stray tears before standing and putting everything away in the adjoining bathroom. Not wasting any time, she stormed out, grabbed Shinji's arm, and dragged him out of the bedroom. Closing the door gently, she hopped up on her toes and pulled him down into the kind of kiss that the two hadn't shared in weeks.

The difference was quickly apparent to Shinji, and any hesitation vanished as he understood what was being asked of him. He was not the only one to realize that Nozomi's futures never contained anyone but Nozomi, Shinji, and Suzuka. Sakura was newly mentioned, but that meant little to the other women of the household. Hikari, Maya, and Kodama were all, if the statements held true, dead. No matter how uncertain the future might be, to only hear a foretelling that removed a 'happily ever after' was terrifying. She was not kissing him for lust, or to appeal to him sexually. She needed to know that he wouldn't let something terrible happen to her family. She was begging for him to protect them, in the way she knew how.

Pulling back carefully, he whispered reassurances. He'd find a way to keep everyone safe, he'd find out what Nozomi meant about Toji's crimes…about Rei.

+++++ 11th Angel + 9: Friday (78)

"I take one nap," Hikari sighed, helping pack lunches for everyone. "Teach me to exert myself during gym."

"I handled it. I doubt there was anything you could have done, honestly. It's just like the vision downstairs, all that would happen is she'd think you were a ghost. She'd cry harder, and in the end I'd have three sobbing women to comfort." Smiling sadly to his wife, Shinji shrugged, "Suzuka agreed that the best thing to do is just keep focusing on making things better. Rei is many things, but she's no monster. Especially if we keep urging her to broaden her horizons and experience new things."

"Did you at least hold Koko as she cried herself to sleep?" Sealing the last container, she looked hopefully to him, "I know I feel better when you're holding me."

"I offered," he shrugged. "She told me, 'No'." Moving to take care of the dishes, he caught sight of Hikari rolling her eyes, "She's taking things slow. You have to admit, that's progress for her. She doesn't want to blow everything up and create a mess here by seeming to appear to dive directly for my pants the first few days back."

"Shinji, I had a talk with her. She knows she has my permission to move forward with you, so long as she doesn't try and corner the market." Shoving her lunch into her satchel with more force than required she stomped her foot, "Asking to have you hold her as she went to bed after a terrifying vision is not going to make a mess. I am not that big of a bitch!"

"More medium-sized," Noelle yawned, walking into the kitchen in search of coffee. "Less of a full meal, more than an appetizer. Enough to fill you, but not so much that you think you're going to never eat again." Hugging Hikari, she waved tiredly at Shinji in greeting, "I hate back-to-backs."

"Red handle," Shinji cautioned as she moved towards the carafes. "The other's still brewing." Looking at his wife, he let half of his mouth curl into a smile, "She's making progress. We should support her, encourage her, and talk to her about what we're concerned with. I'd ask her to do the same for you, were the situations reversed."

"Stop making sense," Hikari pouted playfully. "It's not school yet, and I don't want to have to be reasonable."

"What's wrong?" Looking between the spouses as she drained her first cup, the blonde tried to show she too was interested in supporting the household, "Something happen?"

"Nozomi had a vision," urging Shinji to finish the dishes, Hikari took over the story. "It wasn't a good one, which seems to be a pattern with her. Kodama sought comfort from Shinji, which is perfectly reasonable thank you very much," she huffed towards her husband, "and when Shinji offered to hold her as she went to sleep she told him that he shouldn't." Standing facing the kitchen, she failed to see her elder sister behind her, "I may not be one hundred percent all right with everything about Shinji and Koko, but I don't have to be. She needed him, he was there, and she pushed him off for whatever reason. But Shinji's right, I need to go to her, and tell her that I understand that she's playing things safe. I need to tell her that we're here for her, and that if she needs Shinji that I'm not going to tear her head off. I'm growing up, because being a child anymore is stupid. I'm married for crying out loud!"

"And you have no idea how happy that makes me, sis," Kodama hugged her tightly from behind. "I still see you wearing the wedding rings and have a moment of giddiness."

"Ack!" Startling slightly, she laughed as her heart raced, "No sneaking up on me!"

"I'm borrowing my baby sister for a moment, Shinji," lifting Hikari off the ground, she grinned as he waved her onwards.

Noelle picked up a towel and worked on drying the clean dishes, "It's not going to be quiet around here, that's for certain."

"Could be worse," he shrugged, his smile disappearing and his voice becoming distant. "They could be yelling again."

"You ok, Pally?" Putting the first dish away, she picked up another, "You kinda mood swinged on me there. You were all…strong and supportive for Light. Ah. Got it," nodding as things clicked for her sleep-deprived brain she frowned as she worked.

"Too many questions, not enough answers. Too many variables missing. It's like a maze with invisible walls, I just keep running into dead ends with no clear route around." Placing the last cup in the strainer, he began to clean the sink, "I focus on the problem between Nyx and Dark, I lose focus on Nozomi and Sakura. I focus on helping Hikari and Kodama open up to each other, I lose focus on Toji and Yasuji. I focus on Rei, I lose focus on Asuka. The worst part is, it is all tied together somehow. I know it is. Tonight?"

"Can't," she shook her head. "If I'm at the apartment tonight, that's the third night this week so I can be gone the weekend. Otherwise I'd love to sit and watch movies with all of you. I'll bring the bird in the morning, and if you're a good boy I'll even bring a pair of dresses to wear this weekend instead of stomping around in me flight suit."

"Am I _ever_ a good boy?" Shinji snorted a laugh, "I'm, at best, less of a fuckup at times." Scowling at the refrigerator, he shook his head, "It's all connected, Raffle. It's right in front of me. Somehow I'm…I'm drawing this, and I can't see it."

Pulling on his sleeve she got him to look at her, "Stop. You are blaming yourself for things you can't control, and that's horseshit." Kicking the stool into place she stood on it and kissed him with the same energy she did everything, "The women in this house are strong, they are capable, and they are unifying. We've got a good pack here, Pally. Don't become a Gloomy Gus and bring it all down."

"Just…be careful," he hugged her against his chest. "You weren't mentioned either, and I can't imagine a world where I tell you we aren't at least the best of friends. Whatever Nozomi's seeing…I meant what I said, I don't want to lose anyone."

+++++ Author's Notes

Martial Arts Master: RE: Laptop failure.

I feel your pain, my friend. I nearly lost the predecessor to this story once when my laptop's processor developed an unfortunate fault that sparked a small "oopsie" in my bedroom.

Starfire99: RE: Akagi's lab.

You're right in that what happened hasn't been revealed.

origamishishou: RE: Easter Eggs.

Good artists borrow, great artists steal, I stumble around drunkenly and hope that somebody picks up on themes and references.

Jam-Man265: RE: True Love.

If only it were enough.

TheHiddenLettuce: RE: Length.

That's good to hear. I'm trying to balance chapter length and story length, along with the terror as previously mentioned that this story has taken on a life of its own.


	90. Chapter 90

+++++ 11th Angel + 9: Friday (78)

"The investigation's dragging on, the Americans are doing everything they can to make it difficult for my teams," Philip stated over his breakfast. "The Nevada team has found records of active mismanagement of projects, gifted to them by a whistleblower they've had escorted out of country to protect her." Stabbing a piece of sausage, he failed to seem happy about the result.

"They were attempting to engage an S-Two engine…weren't they?" Gendo, as a polite 'host' should, ate slower than his 'guest'. "Someone leaked our research materials to SEELE and the old men are doing what they can to build up an independent, unpiloted, army of Evas."

Long past being angry when he discovered that the man knew more as a prisoner than he did as the warden, the general sighed, "I presume at some point you planned on sharing this knowledge?"

"Informed guesses are not knowledge," the former commander shrugged, uncaring. "I simply think of what I would do in their position, with their resources. The pieces fit together too nicely; I get the feeling that the Americans are being played as dupes." Gesturing to the kettle, he made an analogy, "Increase the pressure to boil the water, the steam begins to force its way through the spout to signal loudly. Everyone focuses on the kettle."

"And they miss the bacon being on fire." Philip nodded, "The team we have in Massachusetts is playing things safely. They've begun to club the leadership there with the knowledge gained from Nevada. A few of the brighter minds from MIT are being reminded that individual scientific credit means little if it comes post-humanity."

+++++ 11th Angel + 9: Friday (78)

"I wish I could go with you," Yang groaned with regret. "But the restaurant has been doing a lot of business with all of the troops stationed here, and I'm making money hand over fist." Shrugging, she shook it off, "I'll be able to work fewer hours as I go through college, so a little pain now is worth it for a better future later."

"I admire your spirit, Yang," Shinji reached over and rubbed his good friend on her back. "Your hard work should be an inspiration to everyone."

Grinning, the Chinese-born beauty rapped him on the chest with her knuckles, "You owe me a trip somewhere when we're both free, though. Since I'm missing out on Ogawa the first time," she looked to Tsuru with a wink, "maybe we can go back again after things have calmed down. A family trip, of sorts."

"There really isn't that much to do," Tsuru tried to temper expectations, her nervousness over showing off her hometown growing less and less ignorable the closer things came to the event.

"Sometimes it's not what you're doing," Hikari soothed the typically reserved young woman's back, "it's who you're doing it with." Gesturing around them, she smiled with more than a hint of regret, "So many people have left. Fled because they don't believe it's safe, or because others have left before them and that convinced them someone knew something they didn't. You've stuck around, you've helped us show that Shinji will protect everyone. We want to spend time with you, Tsuru. We want to have great relationships with those willing to believe in something greater than themselves."

 _Fewer people have left than did the last time, though,_ Shinji sat back, closing his eyes as the memories of another life floated past him. _The few examples are all the more jarring for the lack of the flood of refugees._

"Is everything ok, my love?" Hikari's hand slipped into his, "Still about last night?"

"Thinking of the past," opening his eyes again, he put his public smile back on his face.

"I…I would have enjoyed knowing you then, Your…uhm, Shinji," Tsuru's eyes flicked occasionally to see if Hikari had reacted poorly to the declaration. "I honestly never thought I'd find someone else from Nagano here, let alone so close to Ogawa."

"It would have been…a different life," he admitted with a nod.

"If it would have taken you from that monster, it couldn't have been a worse one," Hikari stated without a hint of selfishness. "Fate would have worked as it had to, and perhaps instead of Maya and I, you might have married Tsuru and I."

"O-oh, n-no," Tsuru waved frantically, "I wouldn't dream of t-taking Her Grace's place."

"Calm down silly," Yang hugged her friend, whispering something that Hikari couldn't hear, but Shinji did, "this is your in. She's given you the go ahead to flirt with them already. Stop thinking of normal social conventions, start thinking of what you want in a future." Sitting back, she sighed, "I swear, you start talking about alternate histories and people think that just saying something will change the past. If Shinji had been kept around here, it's possible that I would have been his best friend. Whatever he went through in Nagano, working in a restaurant would have to beat that."

 _She has?_ "I…would like to believe that any future would lead to my wives," Shinji stated slowly. "Whatever it is they would like; my wants and desires are a far distant second to theirs." _Maybe…maybe I should bring Hikari into my soul. I have too many questions lately, and I can't always tell what she's thinking anymore._

"You're going to make me set a bad example, my love," Hikari's eyes smoldered as she looked upon him. "What have I said about that silver tongue of yours, hmm?" Winking slyly, she reached over and took Tsuru's hand, "I am certain that you would have gladly done what you could to make his life better, Tsuru. I can't say what might have been, but I can say that we are happy you're here now."

+++++ 11th Angel + 9: Friday (78)

"Don't worry, kid," Akane patted his cheek. "I'll have them back to your place on the double."

"That's not what I'm worried about," Shinji poked his favored guard in the stomach. "Tsuru is nervous. I know you like to tease and set expectations; it makes me happy to know that you care. Just…be kind. Tomorrow we're invading her home, and I'd really like it if everything went well for her."

A small frown broke out amidst the typical teasing, and the agent's eyes moved to Hikari, "Really?"

"We need friends from outside of NERV or the Shirakami, Akane-san," Hikari stated quietly, taking Shinji's hand to silence him. "People who aren't tied into the insanity of our daily existence. The Shirakami have become so tethered to saving the world that poor Yang already has a security clearance. The higher we climb socially, the fewer chances we'll have to meet good, honest, people that are from a similar socio-economic background as us. If, like anybody else, she feels like she can abide by the agreements of the household, yes. If she can't, we would at least like to be able to invite someone over for dinner, or out to a movie, that understands what it's like growing up poor, hungry, and with everyone around you seemingly better off. My husband…is swiftly becoming an institution. I either adapt to keep up, or I hold him back. You should understand well enough how I feel about the second option."

"…Fair enough," Akane nodded slowly. "I can understand that."

"I'm fine with being held back," Shinji offered. "I'd rather not do things that make you uncomfortable, Hikari." _I'd rather not feel like I'm being forced to already begin considering other people for wedding dresses._

"Then you'll live up to your potential, and accept your duty to humanity," she countered firmly. "Because as uncomfortable as I am with thinking of you eventually loving someone else more, I'm ten times as uncomfortable with thinking of you not taking advantage of the opportunities we have before us to make life better for everyone. Leadership is painful, Your Grace. It is lonely, it is aggravating. But one good leader, one great person, can improve the lives of countless others." Looking up at him, unrelenting in her stance, she reminded him that she was not 'meek' or 'submissive'. "We are leaders. It is our duty to those we lead to do our best. In this case? That means inviting Tsuru to become closer, because from your perspective…she's a way to heal the horrors of the past. From mine? She's a young woman who does what's best for her family, no matter what that costs her personally. In that, she'll understand exactly where I'm coming from. To society? She is an avenue for us to learn more about the suffering of the rural populace, a way for us to look at means to improve their lives. Friend or lover, everyone will benefit from her being by our side." Turning back to Akane, she asserted her dominion over his household, "If you would be so kind as to be careful with them, Akane-san."

"Yes ma'am," the agent nodded. "If I could ask you to at least keep the spanking where we can't see it? It'd be awkward to pull you off of him in public."

"Silly Akane," Hikari smiled winsomely. "He hasn't lied. The spankings are reserved for when either of us fibs to the other."

Barking out a laugh, Akane waved them towards their house, "All right you two. Inside. Let's not delay the movie night any longer than we have to."

"We'll see you soon," Hikari called across the distance to the car, waving and subtly encouraging Shinji to do the same. "Come, my love. Let's get the front room rearranged." Taking his hand she set about leading him towards the future, as she always had, as she always would.

Allowing himself to be guided inside, Shinji felt about the house for another song. Finding the house empty, he changed their plans slightly. _Be bold. You can do it, she just showed you how! Show her that you don't need any more women in the house._ Scooping her under one arm, earning a surprised cry of curiosity, he carried her to their bedroom, "It is a good thing you reminded me of the punishment for lying. I would have forgotten, and that means I wouldn't have kept my word to you."

"I most certainly did not lie," Hikari stated, perplexed.

Sitting down at his desk, he bent her across his lap, "You said leadership is lonely." Flipping up her uniform skirt, he placed his hand against her bottom, "How can it be lonely…when I have you?" Lifting his hand he gave her a gentle swat, "When I have our wife?" Another. "When your family has given up everything to make certain that a lonely young man never had to face the world alone again?" A third. "You lied to me, in public." A fourth. "That was naughty."

Her voice breathy, Hikari looked back over her shoulder, "We have, at most, ten minutes. Let's make very good use of them."

+++++ 11th Angel + 9: Friday (78)

"As usual," Misato scrubbed her face. "These are all the least bad options. As much as I'd love to be back to a position where we had 'good' options, we have to accept the reality here: we're bent over grabbing our ankles. These suck, they're going to lead to other problems, but ultimately we are handicapped and they are not."

"It protects the world, it protects as much of the pilots' sanity as we can, and it provides us flexibility," Ritsuko agreed. "When he asks why, I'll take the hit," she looked to the other two women, "I've already hurt him once. There's no reason for him to be angry at both Misato and I."

"No," Maya shook her head, her arms hugging her body beneath her ribs. "Beyond the fact that he'd know…we have to respect him enough to trust that he'd understand. My husband is not a child, and he's facing painful truths. He'll be angry, and he'll need time to think through why these plans were made, but we cannot treat him one way and expect him to act another. We all agreed to this, we're all responsible. Even me."

"Our best hope," Kozo stood in support of Maya, "is that these plans are never needed. That the irregularities we've discovered are simply that. One pilot alone against the increasingly esoteric Angels is a heavy burden, but should it become necessary it is what we must do to ensure humanity does not fall. Shinji-kun is not his father, but we must recognize that he will hate us for what we're planning, even if only for a short time. One day, he might come around to our way of thinking."

"I hope that day never comes," Misato prayed fervently. "Let him leave getting dirty to us. Let him shine as an example to the world, instead."

"Reflected light," Ritsuko chuckled. "He has his own darkness, but that wife of his? Or," she motioned apologetically, "the other wife of his, that is."

"No, no," Maya waved away the concern. "Hikari's a better woman than I am. She's the beacon for his life, my place is supporting the both of them. It works out better for all three of us, long term." Looking down at her phone, she sighed, "Sir, permission to go ahead and sign off on all of these? If I don't hurry, I'll be late for the movie night with his friends."

"We'll hold off on signatures for another few days," Kozo pursed his lips in thought. "I want to make sure that I'm not growing facial hair, and that tinted glasses aren't budding on my nose." Looking to the three women, he let the old man show over the Commander, "I do not wish to go down this path, my friends. Please, understand that the only reason we're doing this is to stop SEELE. Not to become them."

"You're no Gendo Ikari, Professor," Ritsuko stated with a small shrug. "He wouldn't have cared about consensus, or buy in. He certainly wouldn't have let us take breaks while we ground out the details."

"He wouldn't have opened up to us about the secrets of the past," Misato agreed. "Angels beneath our feet…the basis of the Evas? We're making children…no," she sighed. "We didn't make anyone do anything. Shinji volunteered, he wanted to protect the world." Snorting a laugh, she looked over to Maya, "When all this is over, do you think he'd let me move in and maybe work as a maid? The shit we're about to be putting him through…."

"We wouldn't, no," Maya shook her head, a serious cast to her face. "We would consider letting you become closer to us, but not as a servant. Shinji doesn't want people languishing in service to him, he hates it. He'd much rather the opposite, which I'm sure we can all agree is defeating the purpose of our apologizing to him for what has to be." Gathering her things, she bowed to the group, "Please, be safe over the time we're gone. All three of you are important to him, he says as much often."

As the door closed behind Maya, Ritsuko looked over to the commander and stated bluntly, "If she's not a part of your succession plan, should you finally realize how old you are, I'm quitting. Two thirds of these plans are her doing. She may not be tactically brilliant like Colonel Katsuragi, but she has a keen mind for strategy and has production up in my former Section by more than twenty percent now that I'm here to take over some of the projects so that we're not drowning one woman in everything."

"Colonel Katsuragi's choice for second in command is up to her," Kozo deferred. "The realities of the situation may very well be different at that time, and I will not presume to second guess the woman I've picked as my replacement."

"She's on the short list," Misato shrugged. "There's no guarantee she'd want the job, though. Long hours away from two people that love the hell out of her?" Shrugging again, "You give me her life? I'd tell you to shove this place."

+++++ 11th Angel + 9: Friday (78)

"Wow," Yang clapped excitedly as the bluenette exited the master bedroom after changing for the evening, "that looks great on you, Rei-chan!" Wearing a cold shoulder shirt and cropped shorts, the leggy waitress turned to Shinji, "Don't you think so, Shinji? The color sets off her hair wonderfully, I couldn't ever wear that."

"Neutrality," Shinji held his hands up. "I will not comment one way or the other." Privately he was willing to admit that the tank-top and flowing pants suited Rei quite appealingly, but he'd said he would do something and thus was he doing it.

"He's not joking," Kodama teased as she brought in the next shipment of snack foods from the kitchen. "I've seen him say as much to his wives, he will not ever say something that might be perceived as comparing two women." Wearing Shinji's overlong t-shirt that she'd stolen from the house she'd grown up in, the merest hint of her shorts was visible beneath the hem, "It would probably take something capable of shattering his mind to make him break his word."

"Which isn't fair, let me tell you," Hikari wore a similar shirt, the one she'd borrowed the first night she and Shinji slept in the same bed. Unlike her sister, who still stood taller than her, the shirt was far closer to her knees and teased nothing. "Maya and I even tried once to have a friendly competition, just for him, and he didn't budge an inch." Carrying out more drinks for the cooler, she tapped her husband with her toes, "Unfair."

"One might argue that he is engaging in true fairness," Suzuka commented quietly from her place on the couch. The refined, floor length, powder blue nightgown she chose accentuated the mature beauty she held, while emphasizing her youthful vigor, "By favoring none over the other, he holds his hands open to any who might need an honest opinion about how something looks on _them and them alone_."

"I'm sorry I'm late!" Maya bustled into the house, "Getting the last-minute details set for the weekend, sorry!"

"Don't worry," Hikari held her up long enough to give a kiss to her wife. "Everyone's still getting ready, you have time." As she let Maya go, she noticed Rei looking at the way everything had been positioned, hesitating at the edge of the couch. "I'm sitting by Suzuka-san, Rei. Would you mind sitting by me? I'm terrible with horror movies, and I'll likely need someone to support me."

"Right here, child," Suzuka tapped the better location with the tip of her sword. "She is not mistaken in that you will be essential in allowing me to see any of the film. We once watched a-"

"We do not talk about that," Hikari asserted firmly. "Koko agreed, that never happened."

The eldest Horaki hugged Shinji's head from behind the couch, "She's right, I most definitely did not laugh my ass off for a week after the fictional event you are referring to." Kissing his crown, she whispered loud enough for everyone to hear, "Girliest. Scream. Ever."

Shinji swallowed an amused laugh, watching as his wife hammed up the 'put upon' act. Hikari giggled and then looked at what had been brought out, "I am going to go check on Tsuru, make sure everything's ok. You are not going to tell fibs," she pointed between Suzuka and Kodama, "because that never happened."

 _I'm not entirely sure the same threat would prevent lying with either of you,_ Shinji sent to his fellow warrior. _But Hikari and I agreed that spanking was to be the punishment should either of us lie to the other. Playful, not serious spanking. A way to offer ourselves as an apology for unintentionally misleading._ Patting Kodama's shoulder, he looked up as she went to continue moving items from the kitchen, "Do you want me to help now? I sat down because you said the two of you could manage."

"You're hosting, Shinji," Kodama tapped his nose. "Host."

 _I would be cautious of telling Kodama-chan that bit of information,_ Suzuka's song spoke of amusement. _She is much like her mother, and her mother adored such things._ Tilting her head thoughtfully, she looked off into the past, _Never much fancied it myself. Once you've been beaten with sticks, stabbed, and left for dead? The thrill of a game of tickle-and-slap loses its appeal._

 _Another thing we agree on,_ Shinji nodded, _I do it for Hikari, not for myself_. "So, Yang," sliding down onto the floor where his friend was looking through the evening's choices, he took Kodama's advice, "what are we introducing Rei to tonight?"

"Well," she looked up with two cases in each hand, "I have a variety. I held back one at home, because thematically…ehhh, let's just say that I didn't think it was the kind of bonding movie we should go for. It'd hit too close to home for you, and is as much of a downer as it is a horror. Great movie, don't get me wrong, but not for tonight." Wagging the choices in her right hand she continued, "These are more psychological. Claustrophobic. Tight acting, small cast, looming dread. Great films." The choices in her left hand followed suit, "These are more ensemble pieces. A little more gory, nothing like the American films but still pretty bad, but what makes these fun is the social commentary."

"Ok," he nodded along. "Interesting, not what I thought you might have picked."

"If we do this more often," she drummed on his chest with all four cases, "we'll branch out. But tonight is about a group of friends and exposing Rei to parts of her culture that she's missed." Her eyes lit up, "I got it," ducking her hands behind her back, she shuffled everything up, "pick." Hopping up on her knees, she leaned towards him slightly, "reach behind and just grab the first one you touch. All of these are good, in different ways. Whichever of the four we start with, we'll switch to the other pair after, yeah?"

As Shinji turned to face Yang, he saw Rei subtly pointing towards her right. Taking the hint, he reached with that hand, and balanced against his friend's shoulder with the other. Guided by Rei, he slowly slid the first movie out as she switched to a sign of approval, "This one."

"Great!" Tossing aside the other three, she snatched up the selection and kissed Shinji's forehead as she stood, "Psychological it is. Don't you worry, Rei. We'll have you spun up on horror in no time." Scooping the bluenette up off the couch, she walked over to the disc player, "See, this one has…."

Listening with half his attention as Yang described the actors and the roles they'd played in the past, Shinji caught sight of Tsuru and Hikari speaking in low tones in the hallway. Hikari was making soothing motions, the smile she usually used to encourage someone accompanying everything. _Would I be able to give her better support if she was able to speak to us like this?_

Maya answered first, with Suzuka appearing reluctant to reply, _She's spoken to me a bit about what she's asked for, Pup. I won't say that I like the idea, considering Dark raises some very valid concerns, but this is between you and her. If you don't want to, nothing any of us say will matter. But we can't make her decisions for her, not and be good partners. She'll be exposed to things in your mind that she'll wish she wasn't. Facts and insights that are uncomfortable to face. I'm sure Suzuka will agree with me when I say there are millions of things I wish I didn't know. Learning to deal with what's parading about your head? That's just part of growing up._

Shinji's mind clenched, _W-wait…am I hurting you? Either of you?_

 _No._ The thought was unified and immediate from both women.

Maya ceded the floor to Suzuka as his elder wife slipped out of the master bedroom, the swordswoman looking at him sidelong, _Dear heart, to know your mind is to know love. Even those who hurt you in the past, they still would bask in your love if they'd allow it of themselves. You are kind, gentle, and honest. You would give of yourself until there was naught but stumps left to mark your passing. You look upon the Xu child and wish that you could find a way to heal the rift between her and Jiaxin-chan. You look at the wench that burnt down Captain Minders' home and wonder if perhaps you should just move her in here with us to care for her. Never do you look upon them with an eye towards your chambers, and never with anything less than a desire to fix the world around you._

 _Since we're speaking about this,_ Maya dropped onto the floor next to him, curling against him, _that's why I've been adamant that Suzuka straightens herself out before anything happens. You love her, and she feels that love. It's powerful, it's compelling. It's_ nothing _like Nyx' torments. I trust her because of the oaths she swore in your soul. Without those? Pup, you are wide open for abuse. Any woman that looks into your mind the way we can will see it._

 _It is a large portion of the reason I respect Maya-dono as much as I do, dear heart. She was given what precious few will ever understand…and she refused to become drunk with the power she now holds._ Looking over to the husband and wife, she smiled gently, _Love such as that which you share is to be honored. Should I one day conquer my own demons…. One day._

"Maya?" Kodama called from the kitchen, "I hate to ask, but can you come give me a hand? I can't find something."

"Sure!" Kissing her husband on the cheek, she took her time standing in such a way as to let his eyes linger on her legs, _I'm not heartless, Shinji. And I'm not saying Hikari won't handle it well. I love her, I trust her. I'm just worried about mixing instant communication between minds and souls, and visions of the past and future._

Yang noticed Hikari and Tsuru walking into the room as Maya left, and called out, "Oh nice, Tsuru! Went for the 'Girl Next Door' option, very charming." Waving dismissively at Shinji she rolled her eyes exaggeratedly, "Don't bother asking Sir Spoilsport, he refuses to comment."

"I refuse to compare," Shinji clarified. "I believe that anything any of you choose to wear only enhances the natural beauty each of you possesses. Nothing would or will make you more or less wonderful than you already are. Considering my entire sense of fashion comes from the women in this house? I am the _last_ person that should attempt to make any judgements on clothing." Smiling with a shrug, he gestured to his most recent guest, "Though if I had to choose something, I'd likely go with what Tsuru is wearing. That looks very soft and comfortable, and I've recently found that I like soft and comfortable clothes."

Rei considered Tsuru's outfit, "I would like to try something similar. I agree with my Lead Pilot, soft and comfortable cloth against the skin is enjoyable."

"Oh, uhm," Tsuru hurried to offer praise to Rei, her desire to see that the 'star' of the event wasn't tarnished by praise for others, "but I like what you're wearing, Rei-chan. I wish I had that kind of confidence to wear something like that. Showing your shoulders like you are."

"I simply purchased what my housemate prefers to sleep in," the bluenette shrugged. "I am from a similar situation to my-"

"Name's still Shinji," he called with an eyebrow raised. "This isn't an official function, Rei." _I hate being stern. I hate it._

 _It's for her betterment, Pup._ Maya replied, _You're doing fine._

"Understood," looking down slightly chastened, she hesitated a moment before continuing. "Shinji and I both lack experience with regards to fashion, and as such I do not know whether 'confidence' is an issue in wearing what I do tonight. Considering how I normally sleep, and the general consensus regarding social mores, one might presume that I have less confidence for wearing this instead."

"And while I might not mind the show," Hikari held her hands out, "we're going to leave that particular line of thinking back at the station for now. We're watching horror movies, not the other kind."

"How about we go shopping this weekend then?" Yang hugged herself to Rei's back, "While they're off in Ogawa, and after my shift tomorrow, I can come pick you up and we can hit the mall." Looking back to Shinji for support she silently urged him to intercede against the expected denial.

"I like that idea," Shinji held up two thumbs. "We're all friends, Rei. Hikari's mentioned several times that she likes what Yang wears out of class, she could absolutely help you find your own style. Kind of like with the soaps a month or so ago, right?"

Her eyes narrowed slightly, calculating her response, "Would…you be willing to provide your opinion at a later time?"

"We'd love to," Hikari enthused. "Multiple data points, right?"

Rei saw Shinji's slow nod of agreement, finally replying softly, "Then…I would appreciate your help, Yang-san."

"Great!" The shorter woman cheered, "It'll be great. We'll have everyone wildly jealous of you in no time, Rei."

 _We will have a few of the Shirakami tag along,_ Suzuka assured Shinji. _Neither will be without protection, should anyone choose to make an issue of her heritage they will be…educated._

He wiped his hands on his knees, realizing that although he endorsed the idea, the issue that his heart had been troubled by was the potential for harm to either young woman while he wasn't anywhere nearby to intercede. _Thank you, Suzi. I guess you two are right, I really do wear my heart on my sleeve, don't I?_

 _Where it belongs, Pup._ Maya's song spoke of deep and abiding love, _Where it belongs._

+++++ 11th Angel + 9: Friday (78)

The seating chart for the movie wasn't as he'd anticipated it would be, though ultimately he didn't mind since everyone seemed happy to be where they were. The curved couch only hosted three people despite being capable of holding everyone sitting near it and more, with Suzuka on the endpoint that allowed her to watch the door, and Maya and Kodama cuddled on the opposing side where they could get up and fetch things should people need anything without walking in front of the screen.

Seated by Suzuka was Hikari, who was glomped onto and around Rei, displaying a deep contrast in emotions between the three of them. The elegant warrior sat with casual indifference, neither eschewing the night's entertainment nor embracing it. The cloned pilot simply analyzed the entire movie with interest, not becoming wrapped up in the events, but still absorbing the atmosphere and presentation. The Class Representative was enjoying both the ability to surreptitiously feel Rei's person, and allowing herself to be emotionally open and 'adorably terrified'.

His other wife was passing notes back and forth on a dimmed tablet screen to the other person with medical training, the two having a series of discussions while enjoying the company and the snacks. Shinji was only mildly surprised to see that they were holding hands under the tablet, the device braced on Kodama's leg as the limb lay across Maya's lap. It wasn't the hot and heavy type of romance that he shared with either woman, but it also wasn't as innocent as it seemed.

Yang, seated to his right where he would normally place Maya, was completely engrossed in the movie despite having seen it repeatedly. Each high point had her vibrating as she clutched his hand and prepared to squeal at the right moment, each low point had her listing against him with sad eyes and an air of hopelessness. It was a side of the waitress he hadn't expected, though with some thought he was able to piece together the why of the matter. She had been, from the first time he saw her in his class, an openly emotional person. There was no 'calm stoicism', it was all out in the open for whoever looked…and that was a great thing in his mind. She was trying to set the mood for Rei, for Hikari, and for Tsuru. She was cheerleading, and it was fantastic.

Tsuru, placed by Hikari herself at his left, started out the movie sitting with her hands clenched around the bottom of her flannel top. Not being a fan of horror herself, she'd accepted his younger wife's argument that since Hikari would be looking to Rei for support that the seafoam eyed beauty could instead look to Shinji when necessary. That state of affairs lasted for the first five minutes, including title sequence, before Maya gestured for him to pull her into his side. After a scene where the protagonist walked about the house unaware of the other entities within it, he had leaned over and asked if she minded, she then had rapidly acquiesced.

For the rest of the movie, she alternated between covering her eyes with his shirt and timidly watching the screen. Never once crying out like Hikari or Yang, remaining in control of her desperate need to seek protection for the poor victim of hauntings as their place of safety crumbled around them. Only once had she said anything, and it was a quiet prayer under her breath to the spirits themselves that the lone 'corpse' produced by the movie find peace in the afterlife. The act touched his heart, and prompted what followed.

As Maya brought up the lights enough for people to go use the bathroom between movies, Shinji helped Tsuru to her feet and smiled, "That was very nice what you did, even if for an actor that was playing a part. I haven't heard anything like that since the funeral procession that passed by the room I was instructed in back in Nagano. Are there many shrines in Ogawa?"

"It…uhm," she blushed as Hikari came over with a friendly smile, "it's instinctive when I see someone die. My family feels very tied to the land, and I know it seems hokey, but I was raised to believe that the spirits surrounding us will listen if we do."

His wife didn't miss a beat, "You're absolutely right about that," she nodded. "Shinji, Maya, and I are all firmly of the opinion that we are not alone on this planet, or in the universe, and that with enough respect and shows of gratitude we can reach a peaceful balance with them and us. We don't have to be antagonistic, and can in fact mutually benefit with enough understanding."

"…Really?" Tsuru's smile grew, "You don't…you don't think it's childish?"

Suzuka snorted a laugh, "Childishness is believing that we're the pinnacle of life, child. Embrace your heritage, your culture. It has no more or less right to exist than any other, and serves you well as it clearly earns you the regard of this family." Inclining her head with a hint of respect, the swordswoman concluded, "I look forward to visiting the old shrines again, I feel they will have been well tended."

"Definitely," Shinji agreed, happy when he saw the young woman's eyes grow warmer. _She really does wear her emotions openly, if you look at her eyes when she speaks. Is this how I look to everyone else?_

"I'm stealing her," Hikari apologized. "Not going to the bathroom alone for a few weeks." Taking their guest with her, she retreated to the master bath.

 _You think we'll have a good friend after tonight?_ Maya kissed her wife on the duo's way past, _She seems like a nice enough young lady. A bit reserved, but she honestly impresses me as a young Suzuka._

 _A very young version, perhaps,_ the eternal lady laughed. _I can scarcely remember my own reflection from that age, the few times I would see it in a river, or a segment of polished brass._ Turning to Shinji she shrugged, _If you were to ask my opinion, you could do far worse than someone with regard for her heritage, someone who possesses the sense of self-sacrifice to seek employment sufficient to help their entire peoples._

 _We'll see,_ Shinji allowed. _She might not want to be friends after what happens in Ogawa. Or she may wish to simply stay back home, with everything that's happening here. I'd have liked to become friends with Shinobu Maehara, she was a good person who needed help. But, she went 'home'. Life doesn't work the way we'd like as often as we'd like it. Besides…I don't need more power._

+++++ 11th Angel + 10: Saturday (79)

Carefully covering over the last person to drift to sleep, Shinji looked around the room to check that everyone was in a position that wouldn't lead to discomfort later in the day. Suzuka was managing the gentle touches on those women he wasn't married to, save Kodama, and it wasn't long before the two had everyone settled in for those few hours of sleep they'd be allowed. Motioning to the kitchen, he picked up several of the empty bowls and bottles that needed to be recycled or washed and moved towards their goal.

Grateful that he had a partner in the willowy swordswoman that not only required little sleep, but also seemed to require little light to move by, he needed to only make two trips between the rooms to clean out the area. The faucet made little noise, the dishes less, as practiced and skilled warriors used their natural talents to silently occupy their time. With the tidying done far faster than he'd imagined, he turned to her and frowned. Her head tilted slightly, the unspoken question obvious. Leaning in and placing his lips near her ear, he whispered to avoid the possibility of waking Maya with his thoughts, "Your room, or mine?"

Unseen by him, her eyes widened a fraction as an array of emotions flashed across her face. She doubted seriously that he meant his statement the way it sounded, though her mind bounced between curiosity and concern at the ramifications should he intend it the way it did. Choosing caution, she shifted him so she could return the favor, "Mine."

Settling back, he nodded and offered her his elbow. The corridors through the house were intentionally wide enough for three people to walk side by side, and he knew his eyes were better than hers in the low light despite her own skill. Walking her slowly through the room, he kept his steps light and intentional to avoid rousing the two light sleepers he knew were present. Reaching Suzuka's chambers a long minute later, he slid her door open and bowed as she passed him, "After you."

With her few possessions properly stored, the room scarcely looked occupied. Still, Suzuka did a hasty scan to make certain that there was nothing potentially embarrassing or personal lying out. She had invited him into her bedroom, and she knew him well enough to know that he would keep her privacy, but some things were simply good manners, if not wise. Pausing at a space equidistant between the baths, the bed, and the writing desk, she turned to face him, "Was there something I could do to assist you, dear heart?"

"I…well, first I wanted to thank you," he stood with his hands in his pockets, smiling fondly to the woman that had tolerated a 'wasted night'. "You had no reason to sit through one movie, let alone four, and you did so without one complaint. It means a great deal to me that you would put forth the effort to become more of a member of our family. You are going through a hard time right now, and I have asked a lot of you. So thank you, sincerely." Inclining his posture enough that he was satisfied, but not so much that he'd earn a reprimand, he kept his honor.

"…Might I share something?" She saw a chance to feel him out, and seized on his nod to gain further insight, "Do you know that not once did my ex-husband thank me as you just now did? Not to say that he never said the words, or that he never expressed gratitude…but not once did he recognize the costs of what he asked me to do." Taking a subtle step closer to the bath and the bed, she spread her hands, "None…save the man that abandoned me ashore and alone have."

"That's…unfortunate," Shinji frowned, his displeasure obvious. "I realize you chose to come when I said I would like you to, I also hope you know that I would have accepted you saying no?" Her single nod brought with it a sense of relief, "That's good. I am serious, Suzuka. If you want something, ask. Please, _please_ , know that you are always free to say that you won't do something, should I ask."

"I am confident in my ability to choose for myself," her lips curled upwards in a teasing smile. "Though I do appreciate the spirit with which you seek to reassure me from. It is not every Duke that would look to one who is meant to serve him with such concern for their autonomy. You mentioned 'first', was there something after?"

He grimaced, looking down, "You don't serve me, Suzuka."

"Suzi," she said, quietly.

He looked back up to her, blinking in confusion, "Hmm?"

"I like the name you've chosen. If we are to speak, and it is not as Duke and Countess, perhaps you could use it to denote the difference?" Her smile grew as the blush on his face did, "You have a knack for naming things, dear heart. When something is named in such a manner, it is often regarded fondly or derisively by you. I would hope mine was the former?"

"It…was. It is." Looking back towards the main room, he sighed, "My Light. It's odd that I've never come up with one for Maya, but I've never felt one was needed. She calls me her 'Pup', but she doesn't 'own' me. You, though," he looked back to her with a sigh, "your name just…every time I call you Suzuka, I feel as if I should add an honorific. Suzuka is a woman who has seen hundreds of years, countless wars, famines, pestilence. Men and women doing terrible things to other men and women. Suzuka is this…this ancient force that I _lucked into_. Suzi," he laughed, "Suzi is this calm woman with a sharp wit and a dull wooden sword. She cuts into everything I think and do with either equally easily. She's my ally, my friend, my…."

The pause grew longer as she waited for his thoughts to coalesce. Words flowed around his face, his mind trying to sum into a single sound the way that her standing with him was at the moment. The mature portion of her being wanted it to be something simple, a place for them to grow from as they learned of the other over years, decades, centuries of life. She had seen over four hundred summers, he had seen less than twenty. She knew of forever, and he was just starting down that path. It was more reasonable by far that they take their time with any relationship, that they build a foundation that would span eons.

The woman inside of her instead saw that this man was honest, forthright…kind. When he was at his harshest, it was because someone had truly harmed an innocent. She felt his rage, his pain, and it was never directed towards the undeserving, save for when he focused it on himself. He wasn't hers alone, he wasn't even hers yet. _Yet_. She was honest enough with herself to understand that the loss of her marriage to Suzuki was no great pain. She affected suffering to ease his mind, but of all of her husbands he wasn't at the top. Now, before her, was a chance for eternal contentment, to find again something in a man that threatened to leave her standing on a beach watching as a ship sailed away, and the woman? The woman _wanted_.

Holding his hands out to his sides helplessly, he shook his head, "She's mine. I don't share her with the past, I don't have to compare my friendship with her against hundreds of years of friends. I don't have to look at her and think to myself, 'You'll never match up to her expectations. She's wasting her time teaching you to fight. You're the weak link.' Suzi doesn't have the same baggage Suzuka does in my mind."

The woman inside of her pointed and laughed at the maturity, her name was Suzi and she didn't need to always be perfect. "That is…comforting to know." Curling her fingers around each other behind her back, she let her body flirt, let herself show the appreciation she had for not being judged against a long and storied past, "Though, Suzi does not believe Suzuka would think you the weak link. Your strength is more than in your body, and you should be proud of how wisely you exercise it."

"Yes…well Shinji believes that Suzuka is far too forgiving of her idiot apprentice," he snorted a laugh. His normal scowl faded a touch, "I trust you, Suzi. That's why I came in here tonight, though the other option was us talking in my room. I didn't want to presume, and I didn't want to invade your space." Gesturing around casually he shook his head, "This is yours. Who you bring in, what you do with them, you'll never be judged. That trust…I need it." Swallowing, he got to the second part of his reason for speaking, "I…I need to know that if necessary-"

Her phone buzzing startled both of them with its loud vibrations against the polished wood of the nearby table, breaking the spell. "Dreadful machine," she cursed. "I am sorry, dear heart. I left it in here so that it did not disturb the evening, I forgot about it until just now."

"Check," he urged her. "It's late, or early depending on your perspective. I can't imagine anyone would text and not have it be important."

"No, no," she waved it off, stepping closer and touching his chest lightly. "The man before me is more important than any person on the other end of that loathsome tether." The woman stamped her foot and begged for the mood to return to where it was, he was about to trust her with something that only she had! It would be hers! The maturity instead kept the peace, and the balance remained intact. "Please, continue. This sounds important to you, which makes it important to me."

"If…if you'd rather," he accepted her decision with a nod. "I've been thinking," he began again, trying to reorder his thoughts after the sudden distraction, "hoping that you might trust me as much as I trusted you. Neither of us is flawless, and-" Once more the phone buzzed, another text delivered. Shinji let his eyes close, "Please, if they're texting you this often it must be important."

"It had best be so," she stated in dangerously sweet tones. "Lest the person responsible find themselves receiving a refresher course on appropriate manners and timeliness." Picking up the phone, she continued to talk aloud as she worked her password in, "Precious few have this number, and I only keep it…for…." Her words trailed off as she scanned through the text repeatedly, "It seems that I will be sparing them my displeasure." Looking to him with a small smile, she showed him the phone, "I now know the location of all five graves."

"You do?!" His mouth split in a huge grin, "That's great!" Two steps closed the distance and he ignored the phone to sweep her up into a great hug, "Fantastic! You managed to pull it off!" Laughing he spun her about, "I knew you could do it. Are they close? Can we visit without making a production out of it?"

Maturity and woman fought viciously for control of body, and once more balance won out. Hugging him, she 'forgot' that her breasts were the place his head would be pressed against as she spoke, "I do not have all of those answers yet, but I will get them for you." Letting go, she pushed back and smiled down at him, "I am only loosely aware of some of the locations, and do not wish to lie to you inadvertently."

Looking up at her, he let the good mood linger by teasing, "Because then I might have to spank you, and neither of us would enjoy that."

Laughing freely she nodded, "I promise, I will not delay in seeing to the planning." Both woman and maturity were surprised that he held her still, that his arm supporting her thighs and the other supporting her back remained as they were, "What can I help you with, hmm? Something vexes you, and though this was a happy interruption, it was still an interruption."

His eyes became haunted instantly, a flash of fear that was there and gone as fast, "D-don't…don't worry," he smiled again, if a bit restrained. Setting her down carefully, he shook his head, "There's time still. Other ways might still be found." Pressing a kiss to her forehead, he whispered, "Thank you for keeping your word, Suzi. It means a lot to me." Turning away, he missed the look of pained regret that crossed her face, "I'm going to go work on the letters. I'll see you in a few hours, for breakfast."

As the door closed, maturity allowed the woman to slam the phone down on the table and swear in an accent that hadn't been heard by human ears in several centuries. "Whatever it is that haunts him, I will find it, I will destroy it, and I will present its still-beating heart to him as a trophy." Tearing off her nightgown, she stalked into the bathroom to take care of her nightly routines so that she would be ready to accompany the man that had now called her 'his'.

+++++ 11th Angel + 10: Saturday (79)

"Ok folks," Raffle called over the internal radio channel, "barring our pilot getting us lost between here and Ogawa, we're looking at around forty minutes of flight time. Expect to be wheels down at Ogawa Elementary plus or minus zero eight local."

Shinji deadpanned, "Ogawa is southeast of here, right?"

"I swear to god, Paladin," Noelle checked the instruments before slapping his shoulder and earning a giggled smile, "ass."

"Unless they moved where the sun rises, we're flying in the right direction," Hikari yawned, curled around Tsuru's arm. "It's on the right."

"Starboard," Akane corrected idly.

"No, the sky is pretty bright," his wife shrugged. "I don't see any stars."

"The sun is, despite reports to the contrary, a star," Maya pointed at the brightest part of the sky. "It's right there."

"Realizing it's too late now," Kelly caught Kodama's attention, "was there really no convincing little Nozomi to come along?"

"Sakura-chan can't fly," the nurse shrugged. "She refused to leave her behind, and while we _could_ order her to come, I don't know that it would be worth the fight, the sulking, or the whining. She's a ray of sunshine normally, but Sakura-chan is absolutely the one topic on Earth that she'll pitch a fit over."

"A Horaki always knows her duty," Suzuka watched the sky move past, her hand tightly gripping the pommel of her sword. The eternal woman fared far worse than every other passenger, her dislike of motorized transportation in all forms shining through, though her voice remained controlled and calm.

"I think it's very cute," Tsuru offered, looking through the window at the ground far below. "I wish I had known someone willing to be that good of a friend for me when I was her age."

Shinji's right ear caught the sound of the inter-flight channel, "Hammer Zero One, Hammer Zero One, this is Rover Four Zero. We have you in sight, HAVCAP should be visible to your two o'clock high, please confirm over."

Noelle sat up straighter to look around Shinji and nodded, "Good morning Rover, Hammer has HAVCAP spotted. Plus four playmates, coasting on over to us, over."

"Roger that, Hammer. Uh…interrogative from Mother," the man serving as their AWACS contact laughed. "One Colonel Katsuragi wants to know who convinced Callsign Bluebell to go clothes shopping on a day she had double-shift, over."

"I'll take the blame, Rover. Tell her that Paladin will make her favorite when he comes home, over." Shinji rolled his eyes. _Of course Misato would use official radio channels to tease me._

 _It's part of her charm, Pup,_ Maya sighed. _What's she saying?_

Letting Noelle handle the rest of the formalities with their support aircraft, he focused on his wife and his flying, _She's upset that we convinced Rei to go shopping on a day she has to pull a double._

 _A double?_ Maya frowned, _She's not even on shift today._

 _She may be working additional hours while her most important asset is operating an unstable deathtrap to travel away from the protection she can provide,_ Suzuka offered. _It would be consistent with the esteem he holds her in._

The Lieutenant Colonel pushed the button that put her through to Raffle, "Can I turn on my tablet without messing with the instrumentation?"

Noelle leaned back and looked at Maya, "Yeah, should be good, why?"

"Let you know." _Pup, what was the exact message?_

Shinji dutifully replied, _Interrogative from Mother. One Colonel Katsuragi wants to know who convinced Callsign Bluebell to go clothes shopping on a day she had a double-shift, over._

Linking to the MAGI network through the plane's integrated uplink, she secured a connection back to NERV. From there, she sent an encrypted message to Misato directly, 'Trouble?'

The response didn't take long, 'Lost contact w/2d Branch. Unknown incident. DO NOT RTB. DO NOT REPLY. Will update once situation clear.'

 _Oh no…._ Closing down the connection to save the batteries, she swallowed hard, _She's working. She wanted to pass along an important message to me, but didn't want it sent through fifteen people to reach us. Keep flying, she specifically said we are not to go back._

 _Is it bad?_ Shinji wanted to look back, but his responsibility for the direction and speed of a metal box carrying explosive fuel and precious lives superseded that instinct, _Is she certain?_ He could feel the soul-draining sorrow in her song, and it hurt him to not go back and hold his wife.

 _It's fine, Pup. There's…there's nothing we can do._

+++++ 11th Angel + 10: Saturday (79)

"Dieu ait pitié..." Philip stood staring at a scene that defied explanation, "How many?"

"At least three thousand personnel, officially," Kozo replied with an icy fist clenching his gut. "Unknown how many unofficial workers, sub-contractors, visitors..." Reaching over, showing more humanity in a single gesture than Gendo had in most of his life following the death of Yui, he gripped his comrade's shoulder tightly, "And your team. I am sorry, my friend."

"Merci." His eyes scanned the screen before them, though nothing displayed registered deeper than the surface as he thought through what he must do, "What devilry were they performing with this…engine? What could possibly have caused such misery?" His eyes focused again, and he pulled out his phone dialing his assistant, "I will have the whistleblower questioned. We must strike swiftly if we are to determine what was lost. My team at MIT will move to halt all ongoing testing where they are, whatever they are doing with Unit-03, it must stop."

"Professor," Ritsuko stormed into the room, a stack of papers clenched in a fist, "you're going to want to see this." Shoving it before the man, her eyes were ablaze with an anger he'd not seen from the woman in some time, "She warned them."

"She?" Accepting the papers, he began to skim through them, "Lieutenant Colonel Ikari?"

"She saw the potential for a cascading failure in the interfacing between the homegrown organ and the metabolism of the Eva, how without proper power regulation it would," waving her hand she accepted his raised eyebrow as a reminder that this type of science wasn't in his wheelhouse, "short answer is she saw it causing exactly what happened. She _warned them_. When one of their people contacted us a month ago about gaining a core sample from the Fifth, she asked the right questions. Made the right assessments. She tried to prevent this!"

"Idiots," Kozo sighed.

"The worst part is," Ritsuko flipped several pages over for him before stabbing at a page with one lacquered nail, "they told her that research had been halted three days later! Whoever restarted the research did so in secret. This didn't have official sanction from NERV-2, this didn't have proper oversight, or even a sane schedule. I push my people hard, but this? This is inhuman."

The Commander saw the potential for misunderstanding, and wanted to get out ahead of it, "Might her caution have led to this? Is there a chance of this research having worked properly if it hadn't gone dark?"

"No." Ritsuko scoffed, "Are you kidding me? Even presuming that they somehow managed to install the appropriate means of regulating the energy transfer, a synthetic organ like they were using stands a constant forty five percent chance of complete failure which would then catastrophically shut down anything passing along bioelectricity throughout the entire Unit. The other fifty five percent?" She pointed back to the main screen on the bridge, showing a gigantic hole in the state of Nevada, "A reasonably decent view of the inside of the planet after that loses cohesion. Even if it succeeded the first time, and by 'success' I mean 'not sinking the base into a physical improbability', each time you engaged the engine you are rolling the dice: Shutdown or Sinkhole. There was a reason this was one of the first projects after your promotion I begged to have mothballed."

Kozo nodded, "What about Pilots Ikari and Ayanami?"

"What about them?" The demi-blonde rolled her eyes, "With Rei-chan it's a matter of scale. A battery the size of an eraser is inherently less unstable than a battery the size of this room, regulating the power output needed to help her control her A.T. Field wasn't 'simple' but it was 'possible'. With Shinji? We didn't cause that. I wouldn't dream of trying to, and I'm not interested in studying it considering the only way I'd be able to is with him on a morgue slab. Do you not read my reports? Does _anyone_ read my reports other than Maya?"

+++++ 11th Angel + 10: Saturday (79)

Shinji eyed his pilot, "Are you sure?"

"You soak up instruction like a sponge, Pally." She nodded eagerly, "You got this. Alpha Company has marked the landing site out nice and clean, tilt the rotors upright, steady on the throttle, let her settle down as you descend. Ye say ye borrow from those around us, and I'm the best at landin' in the Damned." Winking, she stroked the yoke on her side, "If ye look like ye might park it in the bleachers, I'll step in. I've recovered worse, in worse."

"…Roger." _It's just taking off in reverse. I can do it._ The next several minutes proved her confidence in him, as the VTOL steadily found its mark, and touched down with only a slight jostle as the engines hiccupped, "Whoa. Sorry, sorry! Everyone ok?"

Various affirmatives came back, and Noelle frowned at the instrumentation, "That wasn't you, Pally. Don't like it. I'm going to grab the kit and spend some time looking everything over again once we're offloaded. See if Alpha brought an engineer with 'em." Taking off her helmet she stepped over the center console and out into the main cabin, "Ok, ladies. From takeoff to landing, Paladin has managed this whole trip. On his way out this means that, by rules older than I am, everyone here owes him a punch in the arm."

"A-a punch?" Tsuru clutched her hands close to her stomach, "Why?"

"It's his first full flight, lass," the blonde crouched down to reassure the civilian. "It's ill luck to not do it. Doesn't have to be hard, just has to be heartfelt. Consider it a way to scare away the gremlins that might want to screw up future flights, each person that hits him scares away that many more gremlins and makes it that much more likely he'll come back to us in the future."

"An old tradition," Kelly agreed. "But one that crosses services. There _is_ a second part, one that wouldn't necessarily be awkward considering present company."

"So there is," Noelle grinned. "After each punch, a kiss to each cheek. Soothes the hurt caused, and seals the good luck back in." Clapping her hands, she waved Shinji towards everyone, "Ok, starting on the starboard. That's you, Kodama."

Shinji's EA spread her hands, "Technically, the harder the punch the more bad luck is pushed out. So I wouldn't be sparing, if you want him to be safe."

Standing still, Shinji shrugged, "If it's a tradition, then I should abide by it." Looking over to his former and most recent housemate, he nodded, "I'm in your hands, Kodama."

"I do this because I love you," the young woman smiled gently. Pulling back, she proved that her father had taught her how to throw a punch that would unhinge jaws. Hopping quickly up, she kissed his right cheek, then his left, then his lips, "Good job, Shinji. I'm proud of you."

"Ok, Samurai, yer up." Noelle urged them along.

"I believe I will go with 'heartfelt'," she demurred as she bumped her fist against his shoulder. "All things considered." Pressing a kiss to each side of his face, she nodded, then moved back to the rear where all of the baggage was.

"Light, give 'im a tap."

"Oh dear," Hikari sighed. "I am sorry, my love, but I do want you to be safe in the future. Forgive me?" Smiling charmingly, she waited for his nod before matching her sister's fervor in both fury and fondness.

"Maya-bear."

"I believe I will follow Suzuka's example," it was obvious to everyone that something was pressing on Maya's mind, though her knock against his bicep was firm. Kissing each cheek, she then kissed the tip of his nose, "Thank you."

"All right, lass," Noelle urged Tsuru forward. "Just like Maya and Suzuka, should you want. Mean it when ye drive the demons out."

Shinji offered his arm to the lady that Hikari seemed to desire and he thought of as a good friend _in potentia_ , "It's ok, Tsuru. I'm glad you're here to be a part of my success."

Her eyes showed a hint of concern, then she turned back to Noelle, "This…it's something like a religious ceremony?"

"It is," Raffle grinned broadly. "Having this with his friends and family makes it twice as righteous, and twice as likely to make sure he's safe in the future."

"I…uhm, I am sorry Shinji-san," surprising everyone, the slender teen delivered a vicious blow to the meatiest part of his arm. Quickly flitting before him, she hopped up onto her toes and firmly kissed each cheek, "Thank you for conveying us safely, please come back safely from each journey you undergo."

"There we go!" Noelle clapped happily as the young woman ducked past over towards Hikari where she began whispering apologies for striking Shinji, "That's a damn hit, lass!"

Akane quietly punched his shoulder with a friendly grin, then kissed both of his cheeks. It was, as ever with her, a sisterly display of pride and contentment.

"I guess I'm up," Kelly walked over. Sizing him up, she demonstrated that even those members of the military that served in support capacities were still expected to know how to fight. Kissing him lightly on each cheek, she patted his chest, "Not bad, for Army Aviation."

Last up was the only reason he knew how to operate the aircraft at all, and she was no more sparing in her punch than Kelly. After a kiss to each cheek and a wink, she nodded, "Good and proper. Should be secure against all sorts of Gremlin nonsense." A polite, but firm, knock on the sliding hatch made her roll her eyes, "We take five minutes to see to a ceremony…. Impatient bugger, ain't she? Samurai, ye mind grabbin' that?"

Standing outside of the aircraft as Suzuka opened the doorway to the world beyond was Captain Honda, her dress uniform perfect and her posture apologetic, "Your Grace, is everything all right?"

"Just fine, Captain," Shinji drew his bearing back around him, letting his smile fade back towards his general expression. "We had a bit of a ceremony to mark my first time controlling an aircraft from take-off to landing." Stepping down to the blacktop easily, he turned, "Please, let me help everyone down. Mind the step." Spying the cameras standing just far off enough to capture the entire scene, he saw more than one parabolic microphone and swallowed his sigh. _Smile, folks. We're on TV._

"We can-," the combat arms officer began before Shinji waved her off.

Suzuka nudged Hikari to exit first, _I'll order them, Shinji. Urge them to step towards the tail, according to Noelle._

As his younger wife's hand took his, he smiled and gently whispered, "Towards the tail, apparently we're lining up."

"So silly," Hikari said without any visible sign of irritation.

Next came Maya, then Kodama, then Tsuru, and finally Suzuka herself. The willowy warrior made a show of being cautious with her traditional robes, _The other three will exit when they're ready. There are things they must do, and their capacity as 'staff' changes the proprieties here._ Flicking her eyes towards the Captain, she added, _Approaching dignitaries, remember, let them speak first. They are receiving you, allow them their honor._

Turning back, Shinji took a single step towards the women he'd helped deplane in order to clear the exit on that side. Assuming the casual stance that Maya had taught him, he waited for the Captain to make any introductions. _Maya, anything to add?_ Sizing up the first man, Shinji was able to place the voice he'd heard over the phone to the frame. Wiry, he had the kind of stride that spoke of a great confidence in his place in the world. He was a farmer, he was proud of that fact, and he didn't care if you looked down on him. He took care of his people, and their regard was everything. The second man, a much older gentleman, walked with a pronounced limp. His haircut, and the way he held his shoulders, screamed 'former military'.

 _You outrank everyone here, Pup. You set the tenor._ Her song spoke of a heavy heart, though her tone was focused and clear.

"Your Grace," the Captain drew his attention back to the fore, "please allow me to introduce Tomokazu Mitsuishi, our host for Your visit. To his left, Akira Morimoto, Tsuru Mitsuishi's grandfather from her maternal line." Turning to face the two villagers, she added the finishing touch, "Gentlemen, may I introduce His Grace, Shinji Ikari, The Duke of Chūbu, first of his name, Paladin of the Realm, Sworn Regent and Devoted Protector of Old Hakone and its Environs."

Tsuru's grandfather locked up at the position of attention and bowed, while her father bowed with the kind of modest demeanor that a man used when he knew his own worth and wasn't bound by formalities. It was the latter that spoke for them, "It is good to finally meet you, Your Grace. My daughter has told us all about you, and we're truly grateful that you've chosen to visit our humble village."

Waiting until both men stood, Shinji spoke aloud and used Sign at the same time, remembering Tsuru's explanation for her familiarity with the craft, "It is wonderful to be here, sir. Your daughter has spoken often of how beautiful her hometown is, but I must admit she never mentioned how…calm it feels."

The elder spoke to him with enthusiasm, his hands moving with a clear proficiency in the silent language, _Your Grace, how is it you understand the Sign? This style has not been taught for decades._ The elderly gentleman's eyes were alight with curiosity, _Please, understand I am simply impressed._

"It is often necessary, as I have an unfortunate tendency to forget to defend my throat," he stated with a hint of a smile and more than a touch of self-deprecation. "Several times your granddaughter has provided translation in class, which helped me tremendously. Please," he gestured to his family, "my manners seem to have fled me. Allow me to introduce you to the women that are responsible for me not making a complete fool of myself."

Both men seemed to relax as Shinji encouraged them closer to the women, Captain Honda taking the hint and moving to a supportive posture to his flank. Each of the ladies had dressed to impress, save for Tsuru who dressed as nicely as her budget had allowed. It had proved something of an issue when she saw everyone else, and Hikari and Kodama had stepped in quickly after everyone had dressed to help her with small touches and accents that made the disparity less obvious.

Shinji gestured calmly to the first, "Standing to our far left is Her Grace, and by my good fortune, my wife, Duchess Hikari Ikari."

"Thank you for allowing your daughter to stay in our class, sirs." Hikari's bow was its typical fluid grace, "Her presence has made everything much easier on me as Class Representative. She has a bright future, and serves as a shining example for each student to aspire towards."

After both men bowed and made displays of gratitude and appreciation, Shinji moved onto the next, "To her left is Her Grace, and further proof that I am blessed beyond what I deserve, my wife, Lieutenant Colonel Maya Ikari."

Maya's bow fit the pink dress she'd chosen for the day, simple and elegant, if without embellishment, "Gentlemen, thank you for hosting us on such short notice. I look forward to seeing how the farmlands around here compare to back home."

Shinji allowed them to once more demonstrate their honor before moving on, "Next is a woman I greatly admire, recently graduated first in her class in Nursing School, Kodama Horaki. Several times she has personally saved my life, and I owe her far more than I could ever hope to begin to repay."

Kodama, unlike Hikari or Maya, had no need to 'play up'. She had no title, no office, and was thereby free to be who she always would be, "He's selling himself short, uncles." Her bow was one of confidence in her looks and her character, a feminine version of Tomokazu's, "His strength is more responsible for him standing here than I am. My family didn't raise me to believe in holding people to debts, Daddy wouldn't have wanted me to start now."

Both men nodded approvingly, as the concept of honest service was dear to their hearts. Shinji let his eyes lift to the sky where they wouldn't see, receiving a sly wink from the playful woman before he moved on, "Next, a young woman I know will need no introduction, one of the best students in my class and someone who has done me a great honor in allowing me to call her 'friend'. Third place in our entire grade, with a great deal of self-driven motivation to push Hikari and I to work harder for the top two spots, and just as much ambition to help those students that weren't blessed with her intelligence and curiosity, Tsuru Mitsuishi."

"He's just making me sound better, Da." Following Shinji's example, she was signing as she spoke, "It's not even close between our scores, Hikari-chan has me beat easily."

"So you _are_ third?" Her father's smile grew, "That is excellent, Pumpkin! Fantastic job! Your mother would be so proud."

Her grandfather beamed a smile, nodding with pride as he gestured, _You have done well, child. Earning the regard of your peers, improving their skills with your own? That is how it should be. Well done, you carry Ogawa with you._

Tsuru blushed and looked down, fussing with her dress, a tiny grin playing at the corners of her mouth.

Shinji took the hint that his friend would prefer to no longer be the center of attention and moved to the last woman in line, "Last, for now, but certainly no less important in my eyes, the warrior I trust with my back, the woman I trust with the safety of each other here present, Her Excellency, Countess Suzuka."

"His Grace is too kind," Suzuka bowed with a slight dip of her shoulders. "It is an honor to meet you both, your daughter has carried herself with the kindness and honesty I have come to expect of the Children of Ogawa. Your pride in her is not misplaced, as you well know."

"My apologies, Your Excellency," Tomokazu hesitated, "I heard no family name."

"I have none," Suzuka stated simply. The look she directed to Shinji held the end of that sentence, though only he saw the 'Yet' she included.

Akira nodded, _A Samurai. Uncommon to find a female of such strength, though you carry it well Your Excellency._

Tsuru reflexively translated for Suzuka, who smiled tolerantly before showing her own proficiency in the language, "I am familiar, child. Though I appreciate your reflexive habit of caring for your honored grandfather."

"There are others that have come with me," Shinji covered over anyone's possible embarrassment, "once they're done with their tasks I'll introduce them later, though that shouldn't indicate that they aren't important to me." He smiled with a shrug, "I've been blessed with a group of truly phenomenal people that I could not succeed without, which unfortunately means that a lot of them are working all the time and I can't spend the time with them I'd like to. Much like Tsuru, for you."

Tomokazu beamed contentment at the compliments paid to his child, "She's our pride and joy, Your Grace."

"Now," folding his hands before his lap, he tilted his head slightly, "what would you recommend we start with? Lieutenant Chambers said you had something of a short itinerary before we would all sit down for lunch."

"If you wouldn't mind, we would love to introduce you to the little ones," gesturing towards the school, he drew Shinji's attention to a few dozen students of varying ages watching through the open windows of their classrooms. "The teachers have had them practicing a little song routine, you understand."

 _I'm being tested?_ Shinji could read the man's intent from his song, _I…guess there would be doubts about my character._ "I'm only sorry I couldn't bring my little sisters to learn it," he smiled joining in the gesture towards the school. "Please, I'd love to hear it."

 _This is as much performance for the cameras as it is a presentation to the man that might be able to save their way of life, dear heart._ Suzuka moved to take up the rearguard with Captain Honda, Hikari taking Tsuru's arm and guiding her gently along behind Shinji and Tomokazu, but beside Akira. Kodama and Maya walked side by side, the former smiling with firm warning to any that would risk upsetting the elder Duchess, who she'd noticed wasn't doing well. The willowy swordswoman made certain that everyone was in sight, and that the cameras didn't press in too much, _We have much to do. Let us be about it._

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Standing off to the side, Shinji spoke quietly to Maya as Tsuru, Hikari, and Kodama 'learned' the song that the schoolchildren excitedly presented for the group. _Maya, I'm not telling you to say anything you can't. If this is something like with Rei, or with the past few days at NERV, I understand._ With one arm around her shoulders, he slowly rocked them back and forth in time with the song, _But Misato told you something, and it's hurting you. If you can, share._

 _Not here, Pup._ Squeezing his waist, she kept her fake smile up, _We're here to try and heal, to discover parts of the past, and to build a positive image of you in the minds of the world. I will tell you, for certain, there is nothing we can do about the problem. It will be there when we go home, and we will deal with it then._ Looking up, she let her smile fade to a look of love, _Trust._

 _Always._ Hearing the song stop after a third reprise, he freed his hands to applaud enthusiastically, "That truly is a wonderful song." Walking over to the teachers, he bowed in gratitude, "Thank you, sensei. Both of you, this was a great introduction to your home."

The elder of the two teachers, a friendly-seeming man with glasses as thick as Shinji's finger, bowed eagerly in return, "We should thank you, Your Grace. Her Grace has a phenomenal voice, as does Horaki-san." Not passing up the chance at a lesson, he turned to the children, "You see, children? Both of our guests keep their spines straight as they sing. It opens the lungs, allows more power behind the song."

"It took me a while to realize that," Hikari laughed warmly. "Don't feel ashamed if it takes a bit to build up the confidence to sing, my little friends." Looking at the rapt faces of the town's youth she shyly pointed to Shinji, "I didn't think I was very good until my husband told me I was." Sharing a wink with him as the schoolchildren reacted in various age and gender-influenced ways at the mention of romance, she blew him a kiss.

"Thank you, Ken-san," Tomokazu asserted himself by the teacher, clearly needing to move everyone along to stay on a reasonable approximation of the schedule. "Would you kindly organize your students for the photo?" As both teachers clapped their hands for attention and herded the children into place, the wiry farmer looked to Shinji, "I hope you don't mind, Your Grace, but…to be honest, you're the most famous person to visit the school in quite some time, if not ever. It'd do us proud to have proof of that to hang in the hall with the few awards we've won."

"Only if I get a copy for my own home," Shinji accepted, moving to the seats that were obviously meant to house him and his family. Lowering his voice, he set the second part of his terms out, "And you allow me to cover the photographer's fee. That's not an inexpensive camera, and I won't have my visit putting a damper on next year's success." Catching the man's eye, he raised his eyebrow, "I. Will. Not."

"We'll accept some help," Tomokazu replied evenly. "But I won't have a guest paying for everything. That's not our way."

 _I think I might like it here._ He saw Suzuka eye him curiously, _It's the kind of place 'Just Shinji' might have lived happily._ "Fair enough, Mitsuishi-san. We'll split it seventy thirty, and I'll not offer a yen less than seventy percent." Sitting between his wives, he looked around the room and smiled wistfully, _I hate my father._

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"There are two likely members still in the US," Gendo presented his evidence without argument. "One woman, in the fifty to sixty year old range, with a preference for high school aged boys and a habit of smoking to excess. Another is probably male, though it could be a woman with a deeper voice. That one, SEELE-09, has been the most cautious of all of them besides Lorenz Keel. I know they _were_ in the US based on verbal ticks and the odd reference."

Philip nodded, "What has stopped you from claiming this one," he tapped the dossier on the first. "It seems you have a good idea of who they are."

"Caution, and prudence." The former Commander sat back and tented his fingers, "There is too high a chance that the woman I've pegged as the target is a decoy, her presence a means to placate her and her wallet while the real power stays out of sight. Neither of them are near either NERV branch, however. The closest," he tapped the second dossier, "is most likely from Dallas, Texas. The other is from somewhere in Georgia or Alabama, by accent."

"You're giving them up easily," the general frowned. "Why?"

Gendo smirked, "You kept your word. My son is married, his would-be assassins hunted, and," the smirk fell, "you have skin in the game now."

Philip murmured as he tapped his fingers across the two folders, "Le Serpent dans Le Jardin."

"Apples are a healthy fruit, my friend. I would hope your son and daughter-in-law recommend them to you." Watching as the man before him struggled with his conscience, Gendo pondered the complications enabling this particular bit of justice might cause. It wouldn't change his ultimate goal, and likely would only aid in the chaos he needed to cause in order to strike at Keel, but it was the unaware foot that was caught in the snare.

"There is no proof it was an apple," picking up both folders, the elder officer seemed to age. "What is your price?"

"No cost." He waved off the idea, "As one father who has begun to understand how much he failed to another who tried his hardest and still couldn't save his adoptive child…no cost. Only my sympathy, for whatever value you place on that." Watching his would-be executioner turn and walk silently away, Gendo began to add more layers to his plans. The day hadn't gone as he'd expected, but he was nothing if not flexible.

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"I have been told more than once that it is not my job to be flexible," Shinji laughed. Holding Tsuru up, as she sat upon his one hand supporting her beneath her hips, to fetch a cat that had become stuck in a gutter, he tried to keep her turned in such a manner that the omnipresent cameras wouldn't see more of her person than they ought to, "So I've focused on being strong. Sometimes that means acting like a ladder, and that's just how it is."

Kodama was holding another towel similar to the one Tsuru was using to stop the irritated barn cat from scratching anyone, prepared to accept the feisty feline so it could be taken to the local vet and assessed for serious damage to the leg that had become snared, "Decorating the new house has been a great deal easier, since Hikari and Maya are able to reach everything without carrying around a stepstool."

"Got her," the farmgirl showed through in Tsuru's tone as she refused to coddle the animal, scruffing it by the neck and wrapping its legs in the towel efficiently, "time to go see the doctor kitty-san." Holding the wriggling cat out and away from her nice clothes, she showed no fear in allowing Shinji to lower her to her own feet.

Accepting their reluctant patient, Kodama wrapped her own towel around the creature to swaddle it more securely before handing it to a waiting young man, "Here you go, be careful now. Cat scratches and bites can cause sepsis and worse." Ever a nurse, she eyed the teen with a firmly raised eyebrow, "Understood?"

"Yes ma'am," the boy blushed, as much at being spoken to firmly as at the beauty doing the speaking.

Tomokazu had a small smile on his face as he watched Shinji gently help Tsuru balance back into her own shoes, "I'm sure the lad could have managed, Your Grace."

"Or," offering help to both Kodama and Tsuru as they moved back to the trail, he shrugged, "both he and the cat might have been injured in a fall, or worse. A few minutes to make sure two lives are saved isn't too much to ask, is it?"

"I would guess it's not at that," the farmer nodded, his smile growing. "Shall we continue on our way to the main irrigation controls?" As Hikari applauded his daughter, then took her arm once more, he began to piece together the power dynamics at play, "Lieutenant Chambers said you were interested in how efficient it is, something about having an interest in the balance between our village's needs and the natural flow of life."

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"Oh!" Nozomi shuffled down from her perch on Sakura's bed, "Good day Asuka-san, are you here for a check-up?" Moving over to give a hug to the flame-haired pilot, the Little Lady of the Horakis gestured back to Sakura, "We were studying while we wait for Ritsuko-san to come and do the wand thingy."

"I actually came by to visit the two of you." Holding up a textbook, she prepared herself to dive further into Shinji's life. He held these two in high regard, and she could earn a great deal of favor with him if she engaged with them of her own free will, "You see, I am bored out of my skull right now trying to figure out just the right way to present my evidence to the board for my thesis. I need to get my mind uncluttered, and I hoped you, meine kleinen Puppen, would be interested in helping?"

"Supurachu…." Sakura tried to sound out the letters on the front of the book, "That…doesn't look like an English word."

"That was an excellent try," Asuka stated with an approving nod. "Sprach Lernhilfen. This is in German, which is in the same family of languages as English." Looking between the two dolls, she took a deep breath, "Numerous studies have shown that children your age have a plasticity of the brain which makes teaching you multiple languages easier. Essentially, your minds haven't formed so firmly that you've become entrenched in your native tongue."

"So you want to teach us another language?" The stricken youth looked to her younger friend, and de facto leader, "Do you think we can learn, Nozomi-chan?"

"I think if anyone can teach us, it'd be Soryu-san," Nozomi shrugged. "She's a super good teacher, but she doesn't put up with slacking."

"If your instructor is giving you their time," Asuka urged Nozomi to join Sakura, "you owe them your attention. Now, while we wait for Frau Doktor Akagi, why don't we see if we can learn how to greet her properly when she arrives, ne?"

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"That's a beautiful river," Maya agreed, leaning against Kodama as the taller woman continued her attempts at comforting the melancholy officer. "It was worth the walk."

"It's cute watching Shinji pretend he doesn't already know everything there is about agricultural engineering." The busty nurse tried to keep things light, "He really does such a good job of lying without lying."

"It's because he's honest," she nodded. "He's paying attention to the elder gentleman because the elder gentleman is speaking. He's attentive without interrupting, and asking questions that lead towards things the people around him don't normally think about. The way skills have continued to flood his mind…I'm just glad it's not leading to brain damage."

"Pardon, Your Grace?" An older woman stood at a cautious distance, a careful smile on her face as she waited to be recognized, "I…was hoping I could ask a few questions of you, if it weren't a bother that is?"

"No, please," Maya righted herself and resumed the demeanor of a NERV officer, "what can I do to help, ma'am?"

"Well, we were planning the lunch," her hands began in motion, flashes of Sign that seemed to be commonly understood in the town despite Akira's statements to the contrary, "and were wanting to make sure none of you had any serious allergies, or, well if you or Her Grace might need something particular owing to being with child."

Kodama covered her laugh with a cough, allowing Maya to draw attention to herself with a tight wave, "No, no. Everyone here is perfectly comfortable eating whatever. The most I would ask is that you don't go too far out of your way. Shinji would feel terrible if others had to go without because of us being here."

"He really is very serious about that," Kodama nodded, once again in control of herself. "It's a balance, of course, but many of us grew up without having much at all. He's…not interested in inflicting that on anyone else."

"He's a good man, he is," the local elder nodded. "Thank you for your time, Your Grace, Young Miss." Bowing as she hurried back towards the main village, she moved at a speed that spoke of a life of good exercise and cautious eating.

"Pregnancy," Kodama snickered. "Hikari told me yesterday that she was glad she was on birth control, because she wants to wait until Nozomi-chan and Sakura-chan are old enough to properly babysit. She has fond memories of caring for Sakura, and helping with Nozomi, and she wants that for them."

"I'm not," Maya admitted softly. "There's nothing stopping he and I from conceiving, except whatever effects piloting has on his odd physiology, and my natural rhythm." Her heart beat faster as she looked at the suddenly stunned Kodama, the obvious question written plain on the heart-breaker older sister of her wife, "No. I haven't."

"Maya," moving closer, she whispered, "you need to tell him. It's his choice too, married or not! What if he's not ready?"

Grey eyes flashed hot, "He knows, he's not stupid. We just haven't talked about it. We're just…letting whatever happens happen."

Kodama had difficulty in responding vehemently enough while trying not to draw the eyes of the cameras, "We, or you?"

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"No, no, no," Yang stepped around the rack, "no blues." Tugging on her own hair, she pointed to Rei's, "See, with your hair color being what it is, you'd have to match it or go with split contrast. Anything else is going to detract from that advantage you have." Shuffling her day's project down the aisle some, she stopped at a selection of green-tinted shirts, "Now green? It has enough blue to enhance what you have, but not so much that it's competing with it."

"Please explain what you mean by 'advantage'," Rei stood idle while Yang held a few choices up, a mannequin that breathed.

"Your hair, sweetie," pointing up again she flashed her electric smile. "You've got nice legs, a pretty great butt, and from what little I saw last night a surprisingly nice set up top. I doubt you'll be able to go head-to-head with Hikari, but she's still growing closer to that older sister of hers." Yang held her hands out a bit from Rei's torso, "Seriously, that family? Big boobs. But you? You've got the blue hair advantage. It's 'new' it's 'fresh', and it's real! No dyes, no brittle matting, no split ends."

Two blouses were placed in her arms, "Against whom am I competing?"

"Everyone?" Yang paused, a look of disbelief growing, "Sweetie, I may not be my mother, but I'm pretty sure I know a girl who's after a guy when I see one. You want in on what's happening in the Ikari Playhouse, and there's nothing wrong with that. But, if you want to get Shinji you have to draw in both Maya-san and Hikari. Shinji's easy," pushing her around the corner to the dressing room, she walked in with Rei and motioned for her to start trying on the shirts, "I saw the way he danced with you. He's open to the idea, he's just not going to push it anywhere. So we need to get the bait set for the other two."

Pulling off the shirt she was wearing, displaying that a bra was not something she'd bothered with, Rei shook her head, "I do not know that I am an appropriate partner for him. There are concerns that I am unable to explain, and until those have received a satisfactory answer I will not risk attracting his regard. It would be painful for him to discover that we are incompatible for some reason if he has already become emotionally attached to my physical presence."

The leggy waitress considered the bluenettes assets, "Definitely not as large as Hikari, but you seem to float pretty nicely for the size." Sighing, she shrugged, "Wish I had anything worth mentioning, but I have what I have. Rei, you can't treat love like a chemistry equation. It's not 'sodium plus H-Two-Oh equals kaboom', it's way more complicated. I mean, my Ma and Ba? Cousins. So many people would freak out about that, but it's not like I turned out to have an arm growing out of my head, right?" Readjusting Rei's hair, she nodded, "I like the color, but it kind of bunches at the waist. You've got a nice figure, need to make sure people know it. Next."

Removing the top, she looked curiously at her companion for the day, "You are surprisingly forthright about the degree of relation between your parents. Is that not a taboo topic in society?"

"You aren't society, Rei," Yang laughed rolling her eyes. "You're my friend. You aren't going to make fun of me, so why not share what will help you see possibilities that you're otherwise going to avoid? It's not a 'secret', but it also isn't something you're going to randomly go up to people and say. Come on," she urged the second choice up, "I want to see how you look in this. I don't like the color, but I think this cut will be good. Maybe in a purple, or oh! A magenta. That'd make your eyes pop!"

"Are you not concerned that by assisting me you are reducing your own chances at joining their household?" Tucking herself into the next shirt, she frowned, "I saw you attempting to encourage Mitsuishi-san as well. This seems an effort at self-sabotage, from my perspective."

"That is a nice cut," Yang tapped her lips thoughtfully. "But that shade is just dreadful with your complexion. Go ahead and put your shirt back on, we know now more of what we're looking for." Shrugging, she answered the question, "If I'm meant to be with them, Rei, it doesn't matter how many people are there. Again, you're looking at this like chemistry. What they're doing is more like a good meal, it's about what feels right. I'm going to look around, I'm going to see if I can find someone that just gets me, and if that person doesn't exist? I'm going to see if I can convince the Ikaris to try. I don't need them in my bed to be happy, not like Hikari-chan does with Shinji-kun, but if we end up there I'm not going to be heartbroken."


	91. Chapter 91

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 _Gaghiel, how many fish are in this river?_ "I see what you mean, it must take a lot of skill to properly do any fishing here." Shinji gestured out to the fast-flowing body of water, "The current right here is very aggressive. Perfect for pushing water through the irrigation system, but not so great for much else."

 _Great One! There aren't as many as there should be. There is a whole bunch to eat. Many places to nest in the depths._ The Spirit of Fish swam around above the river, a giant once more, _If I promise not to hurt anything…can I make some children for your new friends to enjoy?_ He seemed to twitch with eager anticipation, _I'll even do it politely!_

 _They will be caught further downstream,_ Shinji cautioned. _Consumed._

"Our hope is that at some point in the future, we'll be able to bring life back to the rivers," Tomokazu admitted, unaware. "I remember fishing, a kilometer or so down that way. My grandfather would drag my ungrateful hide out every weekend, and we'd bring lunch back home with nothing more than a few bloodworms and a lesson in patience." The first sigh Shinji'd heard from the man escaped, "Some of the men still try, I think more just to spend time with their kin than out of any hope of catching something."

 _But that's what life is, Great One._ Gaghiel shrank enough to not loom as he hurried closer, _The guppy feeds the trout, and eventually the trout feeds the bird. Without the guppy, how does the bird grow? Arael would be sad if there were no more birds. If you let me, I'll make sure there's always more fish!_

"I…have a good feeling about their luck here soon," Shinji crouched down atop the wall. Looking into the river, he wondered at what lessons he might have learned from a man that actually cared about him as a child, instead of as an investment. "They should keep trying." _Help them, Gaghiel. I'd like it if the families here built memories that will carry them through the hard times, like Mitsuishi-san here._ Standing, he turned and started them back towards the village, "Thank you for showing me this. You mentioned that further along this pipe is where you've had some problems? I bet Maya would be interested in seeing what-"

A scream only half-heard drew both men's attentions to the river. The wiry farmer moving to walk around the retaining wall to see what had happened. Shinji, on the other hand, had the advantage in both sensory development and spiritual guidance. _Great One!_ Gaghiel fluttered back above the waves, _A small person. She fell into the river and is-_

Wasting no time, Shinji set one foot on the wall and sent himself diving into the river. _Sachiel, I need help. I can't swim exceptionally well. Gaghiel, where is she?_ The Spirit of Water buoyed his body and helped him begin moving towards where Gaghiel spiraled.

 _I made her a shelled one to hold, Great One!_ Gaghiel marked the spot where Shinji needed to aim, keeping pace with the struggling youth, _She's holding onto it's back. But she's not very strong…please hurry? I don't want to break the rules, but she's slipping._

With Sachiel powering him forward and forcing objects out of his path, Shinji was able to close the gap while moving underwater to avoid immediate suspicion. Cresting under the young girl, he rolled himself onto his back and brought both turtle and human out of the water to ride on his belly, "Hold still!" _Gaghiel, tell Turtle-san to go home._ With one less passenger, he wrapped his arms around the child, "Steady, steady…I got you."

Crying and coughing were the only response he received, though both told him that her lungs worked and she was alive. He didn't recognize the girl immediately, with only a mop of soaked hair and chilled skin to go by she appeared much as any other child her age. Steering with one leg, he tried to kick towards the shore in a manner that didn't appear too unnatural. It took several minutes, and reaching a point where the water slowed down significantly, but he managed to eventually guide them to the same side of the river they'd left from, if several kilometers downstream.

 _You can stand here, Great One!_ Gaghiel floated above him, keeping a watchful eye on the world around them both, _It is shallow._

Thanking Sachiel, and receiving the same wordless pulse of pride from the colossal being, Shinji pulled himself upright and cradled his passenger so they were out of the water, "It's ok, little one. We're ok. Shh, shh, shh." _Suzuka? Can you hear me? Maya?_

 _We hear you, Pup._ Maya's voice was distant, but strong, _Did you find her? It's Tsuru's sister, they're frantic._

 _I am holding her now,_ he smiled down at the quieter, but still shivering youth. _I guess it's time to let another secret out of the bag. Suzuka, she's freezing. Would you two find something we can wrap her in? I'll summon Suzuka here, and we'll start to make our way back._

 _Right away, Your Grace._ Suzuka seemed relieved, _I'll try to move where the cameras won't be looking._

"Well that was an adventure, wasn't it?" _Thank you Gaghiel, please find Turtle-san and thank them too._ His time around Nozomi and Sakura coming in handy, he tried to project an aura of calm competence. If he believed everything was ok, the little one he was holding would too, "I hope you don't mind me carrying you, because the ground up ahead looks uneven," using two fingers to pull the hair from her face, he smiled comfortingly, "and we've already had our bath for the day, haven't we?"

Eyes that left little doubt who she was related to shone with earnest sincerity, and with irises that were of different sizes, "I'm s-sorry, s-sir…p-please don't b-be mad."

"Why would I be mad?" Shinji laughed, relieved that she was at least communicative, "It was an accident. I'm just glad I was there to find you. You need to be careful, river spirits like to eat cute little children. I hear they're very tasty." _Maya, she has a concussion I think._

His wife was a moment in responding, S _he's clear, how far downstream do you think you are?_

Summoning his spear, he sighed, _I don't know. Quite a ways._ The lightning bolt caused his passenger to cry out in fear and clutch at him, "It's ok! It's ok! I'm sorry, I didn't warn you…Mo-chan, wasn't it?" Balancing weapon and child, he traded the tool of war for a well-worn blanket from the woman that arrived alongside it, "Thank you, Your Excellency."

"Ever your servant, Your Grace." Still holding Tomokazu's jacket, the eternal woman moved to where she could assess the youth before her, "It is not every woman who has the privilege of being held so, child. I know of many back home who would toss you once more into the river for the honor."

"…H-he's…he's w-warm," covered in a blanket, she still had an unhealthy blue tinge building about her face.

"We must hurry," _She's struck her head, and worse may be hiding,_ setting the jacket around Shinji's shoulder so that it also covered their guest, Suzuka pushed him into motion. _Do any of your spirits produce heat?_ Both warriors covered ground quickly, moving across the uneven terrain as if it were no more than a disorderly house floor. Shinji's subtle shake of his head brought a frown to her face, _Your Grace, the child will require more warmth than she's receiving. We are over two kilometers from where we stood, ask our host if we should strike inland, or move to rejoin you._

"So, Mo-chan," Shinji set his passenger to bouncing, trying to help her stay awake, "did you make friends with Turtle-san?"

 _Overwatch actually says you're close to what appears to be a store,_ Maya relayed. _Head south and a bit to the west. Through the woods, and over the small hill. We're headed that way._

Changing direction, Shinji pushed faster now that he knew where he was going, _Thank you, Maya. Please tell Rover that I owe them._ "Hey, hey," he jostled the child a bit more firmly, "Turtle-san, right?"

"Y-yeah," she blinked owlishly. "He w-wasn't w-warm…n-not like n-nii-san," she cuddled into his neck, her eyes struggling to focus. Turning to look at Suzuka, she whispered in confusion, "You l-look like auntie."

"Do I?" Suzuka shared her mischievous smile, "My eyes aren't pretty like yours, though. You favor your sister, child. What prompted you to attempt swimming today?"

"I…was c-carrying something," she frowned, her mind fighting against her mouth, "I was w-with Yoshimine-san."

"Who's Yoshimine-san?" Crouching, Shinji jumped up a small embankment, turning as he landed to offer his hand to Suzuka to help her in climbing. When his friend made the same jump, she raised her eyebrow at him in irritation and pointed him back towards their destination. _Sorry, manners._

 _You are delaying her care. Hurry. If you must, leave me behind._ Reaching under the blanket, Suzuka tickled then pinched the child's foot, "Yoshimine-san? Is she this aunt of yours I favor?"

Giggling tiredly, she shook her head slowly, the motion uneven and confounding, "N-no, Yoshimine-san is the n-nice l-lady that h-helps sensei. She's n-nice…m-my head f-feels f-funny."

"We're almost there, Mo-chan," he promised. "We're almost there."

+++++ 11th Angel + 10: Saturday (79)

Far too long later, Suzuka threw the door open to the general store, spearing the cashier with a finger, "Summon your village doctor." Stepping aside so Shinji could enter and make his way to the aisle that contained warm blankets intended for the winter, she rolled her hand, "Swiftly now."

Coming around the corner to see what the commotion was about, the manager of the store looked over and gasped, "Moriko-chan?"

Shinji pulled down several blankets from the nearby shelves, forming a make-shift pallet, "Fell in the river, hit her head. Do you have anything we can use to warm her up? The cold weather's not doing us any favors today."

"Nii-san…." The young child complained listlessly, "I'm f-fuzzy."

"I'll cover any of the cost, manager-san," Shinji gestured back towards the store, "we need to warm her up. Heating packs, a space heater, something to set on fire, move!" _Maya, I could really use you and Kodama about now._ Letting his attention move back to the child beneath him, he trusted the store staff had become sufficiently motivated to do what he'd asked.

 _Still half a ways out, there's a lot of winding to the paths in this village, and the topography is far too rocky to just climb down._ His wife's voice remained calm, _Warm her up. Keep her talking. You're doing fine, the local doctor said he's doing what he can but is busy. Someone was giving birth, and he and the nurse are already tied up in that._

 _When it rains around you, dear heart, it pours._ Suzuka knelt down gracefully at his side, _I received the same information from the child behind the counter. The doctor is out._

 _I know,_ Shinji grimaced. "Hey, hey, Mo-chan," he patted her face, "look at me." Pinching her cheeks, his heart ached at the listless manner in which she responded to the stimulus. _Suzuka, take over. I'm going to go grab Maya and Kodama._

Maya's first concern was for maintaining some semblance of secrecy, _Pup, the cameras._

 _Fuck the cameras,_ he snapped. _Brace yourself, I don't intend to slow down when I get there._ Receiving a tight nod from his fellow warrior he restrained himself long enough to not rip the doors off their hinges before moving to full speed towards the symphony of music he recognized as his loved ones. Intersections, guard rails, every manner of man-made obstruction that might have barred a normal man was simply jumped over or dashed through. Many townsfolk were left disturbed at the hulking spirit that raced faster than most cars through the village lanes, several hurrying to report to the policeman stationed nearby of the event.

Shifting his posture and sliding sideways as he reached Kodama, Shinji picked her up and tore back off towards Suzuka's song. Verbal communication was limited to her cries of 'Oh wow, oh wow, oh wow', as all of his focus was on avoiding damage to the environment or to the people that had welcomed him so warmly. Shielding her face with one great hand, he tried to shelter the form of the sister of his younger wife, though he still gave deference to haste over comfort. Bruises heal, death does not.

Setting her on her feet at the door, he paused long enough to kiss her cheek, "Thank you." Planting his foot, he was gone again, a great blur of white hair and focused strides. He had cut off at least twenty more minutes of purposeful walking along the uneven footpaths between the irrigation system and the general store for the first passenger, the second trip taking just a hair less.

His wife was able to speak to him mentally as they travelled, allowing for more than a simple string of excited participles, _Pup, this isn't going to be easy to keep a lid on. People are going to know you're different, now._

 _Maya, I don't care. She fell in the river because I drew her there. She was coming to see her father and sister after school let out, the only reason she was in danger is because I visited._ Sliding to a halt, he set her down with a grim cast to his face, "I don't care if people know." He shoved the door open, urging his wife to go in, "Kodama, talk to me."

"She's responding well to being warmed," the nurse called back without turning. "One whopper of a bruise on her cute little noggin, I think she bounced off of something on her way into the water. Maya-chan, I could use some help with the concussion protocol. Shinji, you and Suzuka-san need to reduce the light in here, please."

Both warriors were in motion without hesitation, Shinji moving with the manager to reach the higher shutters and Suzuka taking blankets to cover over the doors while the cashier found the panel for the store's lights. "My apologies for my abruptness earlier, ma'am," the Duke offered quietly. "Please tally up the cost of everything I have damaged or used, I will make sure you are reimbursed fully."

"It's truly no concern, Ikari-sama," the woman's voice was kindly without being obsequious. "Moriko-chan is one of my most favorite customers, always so polite and helpful. She's the very image of her older sister at her age, she is." Turning down the last of the blinds, she looked around, "I can't turn off the lights in the cooler, not without breaking them."

"This is fine," Kodama replied tersely as the entire room darkened with the dying of the overhead lights. "Ok, Mo-chan, I need you to open your eyes nice and wide. Don't turn your head, just follow Maya-chan's penlight with your eyes."

Shinji pointed towards the door, looking to Suzuka, _Stand outside, nobody but our people or her family comes in._

 _Your Grace,_ the swordswoman bowed and slipped outside.

"My apologies, ma'am," Shinji sighed, turning and bowing to the store proprietor. "My name is Shinji Ikari. I am very pleased to meet you."

"Oh, my," the woman laughed warmly. "Everyone knows you, Ikari-sama. We here in Ogawa were shocked to hear that the new Duke of Chūbu would be visiting us here. I may not have something as fine as what you're wearing, but why don't we get you out of those clothes?"

"It's a good idea, Pup," Maya stated calmly. "When you look disheveled, people expect bad news. Get clean, be ready to present things so that everyone remains steady. She's not in bad shape, she'll just need some rest, some quiet, and some painkillers."

"Come, come," the kindly shopkeeper urged him towards the back of the store. "There's a sink back here, I'll wash your hair out. My husband had long hair too, before he passed. I've done this plenty of times."

+++++ 11th Angel + 10: Saturday (79)

Wearing a yukata that was far too small for him, as well as a pair of sweatpants that had to be held up by a rope belt as they were built for the store's bear mascot, Shinji stepped back out into the main store some time later to see Hikari holding Tsuru and whispering calmly, and Tomokazu crouched on the floor talking to Kodama and Maya. Wishing he could split into two, so that part of him could go and apologize to both family members at once, Shinji had his decision made for him when Hikari pointed out his arrival to their friend. Moving towards his younger wife, he was stopped short as Tsuru dashed over and collided with him, hauling him down to kiss him thoroughly.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you." In the low light, he hadn't seen from the distance between them that she had been crying, her normal reserve leaving only minute evidence of the event itself until she was up close, "She's terrified of the water, she can't swim without help. The river's swollen so much over the last decade and she…oh, thank you, Shinji!"

Standing back up tall, Shinji held her gently and looked to Hikari. His wife urged him on, taking her time in approaching. "I…uhm, I only learned recently myself," he laughed quietly, trying to use humor to soothe anxieties. "Kind of glad I did, now. Kodama and Maya say she'll be fine, with a little rest. She's strong, Tsuru. I'm sure she'll be eager to overcome that fear of swimming now that she's faced something far scarier."

"Maybe in shallower water," Hikari added, stroking Tsuru's back and calmly taking her place at Shinji's left. "Everything's going to be ok, promise. Moriko-chan just bumped her head, Shinji hurried everyone along because he's used to combat medicine where seconds matter between life and death. Better safe than sorry, right?"

"Right, yes," Tsuru swallowed, trying to regain mastery of her emotions. Looking back up to Shinji, she then looked to Hikari and pulled her into a similar kiss as the one she'd given him. Holding it for a touch longer, she lifted away and smiled, "Thank you for marrying such a wonderful man, Hikari. Everyone knows you're the reason he fights, without you…he might have stayed as sad and scared as he was when he first arrived." Pulling her Class Rep more firmly into the embrace she held with Shinji, she laughed, "I saw that first day that he was terrified. _That_ Shinji might not have had the bravery to dive into water without knowing how to swim…but _this_ Shinji? He's become stronger because of you. So thank you. Thank you for giving us Shinji. Thank you both for saving my sister."

"I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks that I haven't done everything myself," Shinji murmured. "I'm…I'm very sorry, Tsuru." When she looked up at him with confusion and a touch of fear on her face, he smiled sadly as the social cue sailed merrily over his head landing in the bathroom behind him, "If I wasn't here today, if I didn't come visit your village, she wouldn't have fallen in the river. She wouldn't have been near it. Your sister got hurt because I wanted to visit, and I promise that any medical bills your family has from this I'll pay for."

Dread was replaced with relief, and then exasperation as she squeezed Hikari's shoulders, "At least I understand why you always seem to be one breath from reaching for his hair." She laughed along with her new best female friend, "Shinji…only you can find a way to apologize for saving someone's life."

 _Your Grace, Lieutenant Chambers is asking if it is possible to have you step outside and make a short statement about the child's health. She feels it might better humanize you, following…everything._ Suzuka's unspoken unease at the world knowing about his physical prowess hung on every word, _She believes you being 'out of uniform' will help._

 _Leave Hikari and Tsuru in here, Pup,_ Maya suggested. _Trust your instincts and only speak about Moriko-chan. Anything else answer with 'The focus for right now should be on the family and the village, as well as the importance of safety around water.'_

 _Understood._ Shinji sighed, "I'm sorry, Light. I have to go pretend I know what I'm doing for the cameras." Disentangling himself, he looked down and thought about perception. Tugging off the yukata, he left the rope in place around his waist and handed the cloth to Tsuru. He'd be bare-chested, his pants being held up as best they could, and overall would seem far less dangerous. Kneeling before Hikari, he bent his head low, "Right after you tie my hair back so I don't look like the ghost from that last movie last night."

"I…uhm," Hikari looked around, "I don't…there!" Whirling her finger, she urged Tsuru around, "I need to borrow your ribbon."

"It's Kodama-san's ribbon," their friend laughed. "She let me borrow it this morning."

"No, it's your ribbon. We _gave it_ to you this morning. Shinji will give it back once we can get his clothes from the plane." Undoing the subdued purple strand, Hikari gathered Shinji's hair into a makeshift tail, "And now I'm going to be thinking about the movie in this dark room. Thank you, my love, you do such wonderful things to my mind sometimes."

+++++ 11th Angel + 10: Saturday (79)

"Send Unit-03 here?" Misato frowned, "Who'd pilot it?"

Kozo looked towards the closed door, then back to the two women before him, "Probably? Another child from Shinji's class."

"Another person from his class?" The violet-haired colonel leaned against the desk with her mood darkening, "I'm certain that you mean someone like Rei-chan, right? You certainly wouldn't do something silly like putting someone with no training behind a pallet rifle on Paladin's six. Because I'd really hate to have to demand a mental competence evaluation right now."

"Better them than the original pilot," Ritsuko fussed with a wrapper, her tenth lollipop of the morning. "At this point, to be frank, there is little use for Unit-03 other than possibly as a spare Eva for Rei. I doubt Soryu would interface well with anything else, her scores are bad enough at times in Unit-02, and if something happens to Unit-01 we'd lose Shinji with it."

Misato glared at her friend, "You approve of this?"

"Of gaining control over one of the last majorly functional Evas? No," the demi-blonde shrugged, far too accustomed to Misato's moods to be affected to any significant degree, "I say that as the former Chief Researcher of Project E." Flicking the dead soldier into the nearby trashcan, she replaced it with a root beer flavored version, "Bringing Unit-03 here is a mistake. Dismantle it. The entire Unit should be suspect, anything we aren't responsible for from the very start is just…Timeo Danaos et dona ferentes."

"That's what I'm hoping to convince the UN to allow us to do," Kozo sat back, glad that everyone seemed in agreement with what was a stunning abuse of resources. "The first step, however, is removing Unit-03 from the Americans hands. The researchers are eager to see the back of it after Nevada, though several politicians are creating obstructions out of whole cloth through various methods."

"So…bring it here, and tear it down?" Misato blinked, "Wait, if Suzuhara was needed to pilot it, is he in America? Have we found him?"

"We have not found him nearby where Unit-03 is, that much I know for certain. General Benoit's team is doing what they can to track him, but Nevada and the fallout from that act of idiocy have put a serious delay on doing that. One man and his son fall well below several thousand deaths as far as expending his resources go, and he can't just will trustworthy agents into existence." The old professor grimaced, "Especially not of the caliber we lost. The junior agents were regrettable, but informing Shinji-kun of Idunn Haraldson's death is not a task I will enjoy. He seemed to prefer her company, before she suffered that personal issue."

"I'd like to handle that, sir. I'll take some time with him at his house, off station and off duty." Chewing on her irritation, she tapped the table, "When were you going to tell me about the known pilot roster? I thought we'd agreed that I was going to be brought in on all of this nonsense so that I could help in sorting it out."

"It hadn't become an issue," he replied with a shrug. "Unit-04's pilot was similar to the Soryu child, someone none of us had much contact with. Their loss is tragic, and regrettable, but ultimately their name is like so many thousand others. The production problems with -04 are well documented, and we doubted it would see active service within five years. -03? All of the documentation is suspect, most of it is falsified, and we held the pilot. It was only owing to General Benoit insisting that jailing him here would be tantamount to a human rights violation that he was allowed to go where he was."

"And he's paid that bill already," Ritsuko summed up the rest. "The Mass Production series was mothballed. The Russian government has continued its corruption purges, and sent their 'Recommitment Officers' to assist the UNIGC in making certain that SEELE's programs there were shut down completely."

"China did what it has always done," Kozo smirked. "Declared it an internal matter. All we know is that the materials going into the country have stopped cold. They don't have the necessary components, so anything coming out of there is going to be lacking in several areas. At this point we don't _need_ pilots for Evas. This simply wasn't an issue that would receive much attention."

+++++ 11th Angel + 10: Saturday (79)

Stepping out into the sunny world made Shinji wince internally, _Why does our world have to orbit a ball of pain?_ Placing himself next to Suzuka, he leaned in and whispered to her, "Thank you for coming with us. You helped me save someone, even though it might have cost us our anonymity. I swear you will always have a place at my side. _Always_." Standing tall he saw her nod, and left it at that for the moment. Facing Kelly, he gestured to the cameras, "Do I need to hold a microphone or something?"

"We'll be answering a few questions, sir." Guiding him over, she copied his tactic and shared her own whisper, "Nothing in your size?"

Speaking aloud, and intending people to hear, he smiled, "This store has a wonderful selection of things that the people here need for their daily lives. With the recent problems they've faced with food shortages and poor harvests they don't happen to have anyone nearly as fat as I am." Gesturing along his body, he turned and smiled self-effacingly to the cameras, "I'm actually wearing the sweatpants that normally reside on the bear mascot they pull out for festivals. The manager tried her hardest, but I'm terribly hard to shop for with limited time."

The news crews all laughed at the joke, the air around the group relaxing. If the Duke was making jokes then it was likely they wouldn't have to report the death of a child, or even worse, face an angry man as he asked why none of them had seen the tragedy happening and attempted to warn someone. The day's earlier irritation where their cell phones had all been confiscated meant that they had to rely on notepads and what their cameras could catch. Having him standing here talking made it better enough, for now.

"So please," he begged, "forgive me for appearing so out of place. Moriko Mitsuishi is currently recovering under the care of Kodama Horaki, who as you know is a certified nurse, and Lieutenant Colonel Ikari, also a trained medical professional. I have been informed that she suffered a mild concussion, striking her head against something on her way into the river. She's responding well to their treatment, and as soon as the local doctor is finished with helping a new life into the world, always a wonderful thing to hear about, we will make certain that Moriko-chan is seen by the good doctor as well."

Several of the cameramen could be seen to look at each other with relief, many of them were fathers themselves. "Your Grace," one of the younger reporters raised her hand quickly, "Ranko Hata, Seito News Agency. Any truth to the rumor that you are here looking for a potential third wife?"

"I would hope that we could all focus our attention on the situation before us, on providing our best wishes to Moriko-chan on a swift recovery, and on the need for not only swimming lessons but general water safety courses for all of our nation's youth," as much as he wanted to glare death at the reporter, he accepted that everything he said or did was being recorded. "I only recently received any training myself, so honestly I would urge every man and woman to consider taking a refresher course themselves. You never know whose life you might save with your knowledge."

The task of chastising the wayward reporter fell to her fellows, each of whom subtly pushed her towards the back of the pack. Another hand was raised, another woman introduced, "Your Grace, Mayumi Thyme, Tsuchimi News Agency. There was a comment made that this was your first unassisted flight, are you considering a career after the Angel War is over? Perhaps as a rescue pilot?"

 _Not an inappropriate question,_ Shinji nodded slowly, "While I value the sense of duty that every man and woman who chooses such occupations possesses, I am not currently looking beyond my duties as the Pilot of Unit-01. Perhaps, however, we might be able to encourage Moriko-chan to pursue training herself as she grows older. It is often said that good ends can sprout from bad beginnings with enough dedication. Perhaps this incident can be the bad beginning of a great end."

Another hand rose, "Ana Ketsuno, Your Grace, Gintama News Agency. Any comment on Ogawa so far?"

"The kindness I've been shown is beyond description," he let a genuine smile show. "Good, generous, strong people. Friendly and helpful. I believe I understand better after coming here why this place was described as 'calm', and how it produced the children it has. I truly hope this will not be my only visit."

"Kazumi Asakura, Your Grace, Negima News Agency," a brightly colored reporter cut in over a follow-up question from the previous reporter, "what kind of exercises do you prefer? Any special diets? You teased about 'fat', but we can't see much of that from where we're standing."

"I run," Shinji answered laconically. "As far as diet, I eat what I cook for myself, which is typically what I'm making to be certain that those close to me are eating what's right for their needs." Looking off to the side, he noticed that Akira was standing nearby waiting patiently for everything to be over so he could enter, "That will be all for now. We'll continue with the tour once I can be confident that there's nothing else to be done for Moriko-chan." Two quick steps took him to the elder of the village, switching to Sign so that people would have to try harder to 'overhear', _I am beyond sorry for this, Morimoto-san._

 _For saving my grandchild?_ The man's eyes spoke volumes, _Hardly an act one apologizes for, young man._ His gestures conveyed emotions in a far more practiced manner than Shinji himself was managing, _Are you finished dodging fire? I would like to enter with you, and see how my little Mushroom is doing._

Shinji laughed at the visual of him facing a bunch of guns instead of cameras, _If I had my way I'd never speak to a camera again, sir. But if I had my way, they'd have no interest in me to provoke them into pointing one at me. Please, let's go see how little Moriko-chan is doing. She was exceptionally brave, and I'm sure she'd love to see you._

+++++ 11th Angel + 10: Saturday (79)

"Of course he did," Misato groaned as the report floated back down atop her desk, her head falling into her hands.

Nicolette brought up the footage on her phone, "To be fair, he looks like he's been diving into pools his whole life, ma'am. Hit the water like he meant to race, stayed underwater and guided himself to his target, rolled and crested right underneath the little girl. None of the cameras caught much else, and the Overwatch assigned had a looser focus to keep an eye on the little one. After that, they tracked him down river to where he made landfall." Restarting the footage, she showed it to the two women, "In full clothing, no less."

Ritsuko took the device and watched as her 'student' managed what she as a 'master' wouldn't have thought to try. "This…is a problem." Rewinding it, she played a section back four times before nodding, "He's cheating. Anyone who's done an appreciable amount of swimming will agree, he shouldn't have caught up to her that fast."

"That's not the biggest problem," Misato snorted. "I assume we have some footage of him outrunning a car?"

"That we do, ma'am," the blonde dancer asked for her phone back before bringing up those files. "Here." Offering it back to Ritsuko, she kept her eyes moving between the two extremes. Misato herself showed more signs of having a problem with the man she'd sworn to defend, but Ritsuko was drifting back to overt admiration which ranked higher in the 'might need a conversation' ratings. Either would be a problem if they wanted to be, but she was not interested in playing nice right now.

"Jumped right over the street," the demi-blonde chuckled. "Easier than going around, or waiting for the light, I guess."

"Would you be serious?" Misato snatched the phone away, shoving it back towards the agent, "There are already enough rumors flying around about him, now that he's given everyone proof that he's…he's…."

Nicolette offered, "A superhero?" Shrugging, she put her phone away, "He jumps in a river to save a drowning child, then runs faster than most people drive to bring medical care to her. He fights giant aliens, saves little girls, helps get cats out of trees, and refuses credit or payment for all of it. If you want my opinion ma'am, all this is doing is providing proof to everyone on Earth that he's exactly the man you've been making him out to be."

Ritsuko's lips curled into a smirk, "He also makes a great soup." Holding both hands before her for patience, she continued, "Thank you, Agent. If you would keep us apprised of any changes in the situation."

Her smile was stage-perfect, covering for a heart that was balancing between seething rage and cast-iron determination, "Sure thing, Doctor, will you be down to see Sakura soon?"

"Right after this," the demi-blonde waved impatiently, urging the agent out of the room. Once the door closed and it was just the former third in command and the current second in command, she dropped the pretenses, "He. Is not. Normal." Once more holding her hand up to silence the rebuttal, she shook her head, "At all. It's going to get worse, it's going to become more noticeable, it's going to draw more attention. That his first exposure to the world was an act of unqualified heroism? Count your blessings."

Misato glowered, "What do you mean 'my' blessings?"

"You're his supervisor, you'll be expected to put out a statement, you'll be expected to explain all of this." Waving vaguely in the direction of the report, she raised an eyebrow, "Do you honestly think you have a lot of time to get out ahead of this with a positive spin? We chose journalists that we felt were trustworthy, but there isn't a newshound alive that isn't trying to break this story right now in whatever way possible."

+++++ 11th Angel + 10: Saturday (79)

"Long story explained for the cold medicine dependent," Akane sat on a retaining wall, staring down at the village below as she made her way back from the area where her charge had been 'raised', "the superstitious folks around here believe that he's 'risen from the dead'. That he came back to life after dying, and is a spirit made flesh."

A few coughs followed her partner laughing, "You know how you rural folk are, A-chan. The cops swear up and down that there was no murder, they didn't find a body, none of that. I don't want to speak ill of the dead, but Agent Haraldson wasn't a local. I'm a city girl and I can see eight holes in the story, I'm damn sure you can poke more."

Shinji's favored agent frowned, "What do you mean 'ill of the dead'?"

"Shit," Mikoto coughed several times at the vehemence of the oath. "Don't say a damn thing, Akane. I'm too fucking tired and I shouldn't have mentioned that. Brass said nobody in your group was to be told, I fucked up here."

"I got your back, Miki," Akane assured her. "I'll keep my trap shut. I shouldn't have bothered you, but this is-"

"It's bugging me too, A-chan, I'm not dismissing it. I just think the situation is what it is. If there was another boy named Shinji Ikari, and he died and came back from the dead as a reborn spirit to defeat Angels, win hearts, and make phenomenal meals? Heh," her coughing fit lasted several seconds, cutting off the rest of her thought.

"Yeah…doesn't really matter to us…." She saw someone coming down the path, and waved with the kind of smile people used when they lived in an area where everyone knew everyone, even if they couldn't always remember their name. "But what if this is killing him inside? What if this is hurting him, and we're not caring for our little brother right?"

"Babe, we can't care for him more than we are without taking him into your shitty apartment and showing him that we're the kind of girls his mother would have warned him against if she hadn't married Emperor Sutoku reborn and pulled the ripcord early on this nonsense." Mikoto's breath rattled hard as she sighed, "Give him a kiss, tell him we love him, and let him do the heavy lifting on showing the locals he's the good kind of spirit."

Akane nodded, though her heart remained uneasy about everything regarding his origins, "Get some rest, you sound like you look."

"Shut up, slut. You're just jealous that Shinji likes me better." There was a short pause as she waited for a return joke, "A-chan?"

"If he's really a spirit, Miki…if he doesn't belong here…." She stood, "We have to tell him we know. Otherwise we're keeping a secret from him, and we can't do that. If he is a spirit, he'll understand. If he's not, he'll get a good laugh out of it. I'll talk to him later tonight. I'm sorry, Miki. I'm glad you didn't finish spilling anything, because I won't have to tell him that too."

The sounds of blankets rustling demonstrated aptly that physical discomfort and mental discomfort made poor bedfellows, "Yeah, yeah…just tell him to hurry home, I want some of his food again. It's hard to get better on this pre-processed garbage."

+++++ 11th Angel + 10: Saturday (79)

"I'm telling you, Captain," the Company engineer tugged on his wrench, tightening the bolt as much as he could, "this bird shouldn't have made it. I'm required by law to report that someone let you fly her here, and while I'm not endorsing a wall-to-wall counseling session with whoever let you do so, I'm also not going to lose any sleep if one happens." The former aviation mechanic, now cross-trained into dealing with ground-based solutions, pulled his wrench free and pointed to the nearby Company Commander, "Get her to hack off on it and I'll gather the parts myself. I know this frame, and what's damaged isn't anything specialized, but it's your bird, ma'am."

"Yer a good sort, Staff Sergeant," Noelle patted the man on the back. "Do what ye can." Ducking around the massive engine, she approached her fellow Captain with a scowl that undersold the level of anger she felt.

Captain Honda's temper remained even, "Sabotage?"

"The subtle kind," Noelle spat out. "If I'd been flying her, as I was meant to be, I'd have put her down harder than he did. I'd have pushed harder on the flight over than he did. We'd have lost engine two catastrophically, probably explosively. Might have been able to save it, might not. His gentle touch saved everyone, and no mistake."

"What's your opinion, repair in the field or have her lifted home?" Signaling for her comms officer, she kept her attention on the woman before her, "If we have to get him home _right now_ , I need plans."

"Your man says he can fix it here with the right parts. If there was a hardware store nearby he'd probably find enough to make it work," the blonde tugged off her glove and raked her fingers through her hair as the third officer arrived on the scene. "You get it fixed, I'll run a lap with her. That way we're only risking me and whatever field I dump her in should she buck on us."

"Lieutenant Himegi, I want two uplinks. One to Battalion and one to NERV HQ. Give NERV to Captain Minders," Captain Honda shook her head in disgust, "let's fix this situation before he finds out what almost happened, and he orders us all to RTB by land."

+++++ 11th Angel + 10: Saturday (79)

Shinji stood outside the shop, once more dressed in his spare clothing and shoes that had been recovered by a runner from the Osprey, "Are you certain, sir? I don't mind letting Tsuru show me the town informally. Your daughter's been hurt, and I can tell you'd like to be with her."

"I would," Tomokazu patted Shinji's arm with a warm smile, "but her Grand Da is her favorite person in the world. I am, at best, a close third after her sister. She's in good hands, and I have obligations to be about. So," rubbing his hands he tried to change the tone back towards eagerness, "I'm certain that Old Miko has kept lunch ready. How about we all go try some of the local foods?"

"If that's what you'd prefer," Shinji inclined his head, ceding the point to his host. Positioning himself at the back of the truck that had been loaned to them by his Guard, he waved away the two sergeants, "I'll hoist them up. Please go help the rear truck."

"Roger that, sir," the senior of the two saluted before both set off quickly to follow his directions.

Smiling at Hikari, he shrugged, "I just figure you would rather have fewer people potentially looking up dresses."

"I doubt they would, my love. These are good people." The Class Rep balanced easily in his hand as he crouched down, one hand on his shoulder until she reached the back of the tarp-covered vehicle, "Oh, how nice. They set blankets out for everyone to sit on."

Maya was next up, her face that same mixture of sad and determined that she'd held close the entire trip, _She's safe, Pup._

 _Thank you,_ he gave her his best smile. _I'm really glad you were here._

Tsuru and Kodama followed, neither saying much, both clearly troubled by something. When at last he knelt to offer his hand to Suzuka, she tilted his chin up slightly and leant into a gentle kiss, "Today has been good. We have saved a life, and that is always cause for joy. Overcome your dour tendencies, it seems there is enough at the moment for all."

Nodding, he hefted her easily into the back of the truck. Turning to Kelly, he went to kneel only to be waved off, "Are you not coming with us?"

"I'm going to ride with the newsies. I didn't jump in because you handled it fine, but I'm going to have a discussion about why they're here again." The redhead smiled with a cold fire, "I will not allow them to treat you like some slab of beef, nor will I have them speaking of your love life as if you were some…some _playboy_." Saluting with a coy wink, she turned to be off, "Just things that you pay me to do, sir."

"Not a woman one would wish to anger," Tomokazu said with an appreciative nod. "My father-in-law says that you managed the crows well enough, Your Grace."

The reluctant member of the peerage looked back at the man, "Shinji. I'm no more graceful than the next man, and while I appreciate that we have to play to the cameras…perhaps when they're not around you could just use my name, Mitsuishi-san." Kneeling down, he offered his hand, "Here, let me help you."

Accepting the assistance he didn't need and setting his feet on the inside of the bed of the truck, the wiry farmer reached down with one hand while grasping the sturdy upright beam, "Only if you call me Tomo, my friend. One hand helps the other, right?"

"Manus Manum Lavat." Carefully balancing the aid he allowed the man to give and his own bulk, Shinji pulled himself up into the back of the truck, "Apparently they have a similar saying in Latin, I learned it from Admiral Drake while I was aboard the _Over the Rainbow_." Ducking down onto a seat by Kodama, he gripped the nurse's leg with a happy grin as the truck rumbled down the unpaved road, "Thank you for using your skills today, Kodama. I am exceptionally glad that you were able to come with us."

Bumping against him playfully, her frown lifted somewhat, "Just spending time with family. I'm happy that you wanted me to come."

Putting his arm around her shoulders, he leaned down to whisper, "When we get home, I'd like to see about…thanking you. Maybe, uhm…." He saw her look up and notice the blush he knew was lurking about his cheeks, "Maybe a bath, and a massage. Just…you know…us."

Her face went through several emotional states in rapid succession before determination took back over, "Perhaps. We need to…talk." There was a hint of self-loathing to her tone, "It's important."

Trying to read her bearing, he once more wondered if just bonding everyone to him would allow them all to go back to talking like they ought to, "If it's important, I'll try to make time as soon as we get home." He carefully kept his thoughts from forming words, though if anyone had been looking they'd see the question asked plainly, 'When did we stop talking to each other about the things that bother us?'

+++++ 11th Angel + 10: Saturday (79)

"Guten tag, Frau Doktor Akagi!" The unified statement from both students was as enthusiastic as it was mangled, the pair giving it their best with encouragement from their flame-haired instructor.

"Good afternoon," Ritsuko replied with a hint of bemusement. "I didn't anticipate seeing you, Asuka. Killing time?"

"Helping two of Shinji's sisters become the best they can be," Asuka stated nonchalantly. "I heard they were going to be on base today, and I decided that I could help them learn to read the stories in the book I gave to Nozomi in either language." Standing, she closed the tome she held and gave the two an eager grin, "We will continue when you come in next, meine kleinen Puppen. You have done passably well today, we can do better next time."

Turning to open the door for Asuka, the demi-blonde asked in a quiet voice, "Dolls?"

"They're adorable," cerulean eyes held little life as they locked onto emerald, the sudden change causing Ritsuko to recoil slightly. "Don't you think?" Walking out of the room without another word, she flowed down the hall and out of the medical wing like an inexorable tide.

"How many more treatments will you need to do, Ritsuko-san?" Nozomi's question brought the adult's attention back towards her, "Not that I want Sakura-chan to be stuck in bed for a long time, but if we're going to come here a lot…we might be able to learn more from Asuka-san. She's a lot more fun than I thought she was."

"Fun…." Ritsuko made a note to encourage the guards to stay closer by when the three interacted, _a lot closer_.

+++++ 11th Angel + 10: Saturday (79)

"It's the zest," Shinji rubbed two of his fingers together as he thought. "It's _just_ the right touch when you combine everything, that hint of citrus that really brings out the savory." The group was seated beneath a pavilion tent, the sides all rolled up to allow a pleasant breeze to flow past as they enjoyed a midday meal. With a view on one of the nearby orchards, the entire vista was positioned perfectly to seem both charming and 'unintentional'.

"It's going to be a challenge to keep the recipe a secret from you, Your Grace," 'Old Miko' laughed, clapping with honest amusement at having the meal dissected. "Haven't had someone able to pick out the tiny details like you in ages, no sir."

"You can imagine how hard it is to keep my figure," Hikari added, fondly running her hand along her husband's spine. "Everything he makes in the kitchen is full of understated flavors that make me want to just eat one more bite to see if I can pick out what is so wonderful. One day, we'll have to come back here and try this again."

"Only to enjoy it," Shinji stated with some regret. "If this is something the local families hold closely, I wouldn't want to pry or invade their kitchens. That wouldn't be right of me, especially since I'd likely miss a detail that messed everything up when I tried to recreate it."

"Oh there are ways to earn the recipe, Your Grace," Tomokazu set another cup of tea before Maya. "It's not easy, but we often like to think of it as proving your determination to keep Ogawa in your mind and heart at all times. Do what's best for the people here, and for the spirits that provide us with our livelihood."

"If there's one thing to be said about Shinji," Kodama stated with a hidden glance at his elder wife, "it's that he's always keen to do what's best for all of the people he cares for."

"Even when that's difficult," Hikari agreed, not understanding the subtext her sister intended. "At times, it seems he's even more determined to do it _because_ it's difficult."

"I'm just not going to let something go undone because it's challenging," Shinji shrugged. "If I had, I never would have spoken to you. Or talked with Maya, when we were all feeling the situation out." Sliding his plate forward, he folded his hands on the table, "Suzuka, Kelly, please go ask the journalists to turn off the cameras and take a break. Kodama, could I ask you to please help Miko-san with the dishes? I'd like to have a…chat, with everyone else."

 _Pup_ , Maya began, cutting off as he reached over and squeezed her hand hard.

 _No. Everyone came here happy. Everyone came here joking, and prepared for a small break. Whatever it is that happened, put you down into the dumps. You are not bringing everyone down, but something is spreading among us and I am putting a stop to things._ He held a warm smile on his face, though any who knew him well enough would know it was a forgery, "Thank you." As the table cleared quickly, Suzuka urging everyone away, Shinji returned his hands to a more 'neutral' position. "Ogawa."

"It is definitely different than Hakone," Hikari positioned herself to back whatever it was her husband had decided. She recognized easily that he'd chosen to do something, and knew well enough that no force on Earth would change what was to come. "Calm, peaceful, even if it does have its moments of excitement."

Tomokazu slid another cup of tea to Hikari, clearly ready to get down to bargaining, if that's what his guests felt it was time to do, "We try to limit unfortunate trips down the river to an annual event, at the most often." Looking around to gauge the privacy they now had, he poured one final cup for Shinji, then sat back down, "So, Shinji. What can I do for you?"

"From what little reading I've done on the subject," Shinji took a small sip of his tea, appreciating that what was now being offered was far more 'simple', and intended to be to his liking, "that would be my question, Tomo. I have no doubts that we'll have a great deal of things to occupy our time here, but showing off the village was just the first step. It was the entry point. You've planned beyond that, in many different ways. You're hoping to get something out of this, beyond publicity."

"Mmm," the farmer pondered his own tea. "You were quite correct, Tsuru-chan. He's not one for subtlety."

"I pilot a colossal engine of death and chaos," the duke offered with a soothing gesture to his classmate. It wasn't her fault that her father had pumped her for any information he could, it was just good business. "I'm physically larger than three people at this table combined. My hair stands out like a hilltop bonfire at night compared to everyone else's. To be honest, I lost any chance at being subtle some time ago. You aren't upsetting me, Tomo. I appreciate all of this, the chance to see where I might have been raised had I been given to…someone else."

The man nodded, regret clouding his features, "Instead of-"

Shinji's fist clenched, shaking the table briefly, "Please…I'd rather not hear his name." A calming breath, his wives both shifting to soothe his back with their hands, urging him back towards a calmer neutrality, "Sensei…brought me through here more than once. I never left the car."

"I recall. The odd visit from him was rare enough, one that brings a child clearly not belonging to him was enough for me to ask the police to look," his own fist creaked as regret became anger. "When Hiro-kun called his fellows over towards the City, he was told to forget what he'd seen and to tell everyone else to forget they'd seen it."

"I am glad you did," once more in control of himself, Shinji smiled with simple gratitude. "My father would have reacted…harshly, to any interference. To think that you, or your village, might have been harmed trying to prevent the inevitable would be a burden that I would never see the end of."

A slow sip of his drink brought its own peace to his host, "We were harmed, my friend. We were harmed."

"Da," Tsuru's voice was restrained, "there's no guarantee that-"

"The spirits brought him back," Tomo cut into his daughter's protest. "The spirits set him to fighting for mankind. The spirits sent him _here_. They gave him to the world, but they pulled you from your family to put you by his side. The spirits, child, are trying to right a wrong. Is it just a fluke that he meets you, and the weather improves? Is it chance that Mo-chan decides for once to actually venture outside of her own volition, only to fall in the river and _he_ is there to save her? How many more signs do you need before you remember your Grandma's wisdom?"

"Setting…those issues aside," Shinji knew the truth of the matter regarding the weather but was prohibited from making something up or lying by virtue of being terrible at it, "how were you harmed, Tomo? Did my father's thugs do something?"

"Other than not give you to someone who'd listen to reason?" The farmer laughed, a tired sound that failed to encompass the entirety of his misery, "Shinji, you should have lived here. The spirits want you to have ties to this place. Everything was fine before the first time someone saw…him bringing you down for the festival. When he didn't let you out, didn't let you touch the ground here, the spirits were angered beyond our ability to apologize for. Each time you came down, but never touched the ground, it got worse. Then, my Tsuru receives the scholarship offer to attend your school. Out of nowhere, someone from the back end of nowhere gets an offer to attend an advanced class! And she meets _her_ ," he gestured to Hikari. "Who introduces her to _you_. To the young man who overcame death itself to fight for mankind."

Shinji tried to think of a way to explain that there was a perfectly logical, if moderately insane, reason for everything he was attributing to the local kami. _I assume that anything I say regarding the reason for my class is classified._

Maya's response was curt, _Very._ "Mitsuishi-san, perhaps we could return to the original topic, for now. What is it that you believe we can do for you? My husband hopes to keep this trip free of…bad memories. So, if we could focus on your request for now, we'd appreciate it."

"His presence here has started a recovery, Your Grace," the man hadn't received clearance to be as informal with either of Shinji's wives, and wasn't interested in stepping wrong when victory was so close. "But such things only last as long as the spirits themselves are placated. This season might be good, but if we don't address the root of the problem, the next several will be twice as bad as the ones before. He needs to be tied to Ogawa, he needs to be connected to her people."

 _The recovery is because I've asked Sachiel, Sahaquiel, and Matarael to fix the seasons. The weather coming back, the rivers flowing strong again, all of the problems they've been having are because I've asked the Aspects to work towards repairing things to where they were before Second Impact._ Shinji asked cautiously, "How would you propose that be accomplished, Tomo?"

"He wants you to marry Tsuru," Hikari answered with a sigh. "A marriage, a child or seven, and you'll have more than enough ties to Ogawa." Gesturing to her classmate, she raised her eyebrow at the farmer, "But what about what she wants? Would you really ask her to give up a bright future in chemistry simply to be a baby factory?"

"My duty is to the village," Tsuru stated firmly. "Pharmacy, chemistry, anything I chose to do would be to make life easier for everyone here. It would have delayed, not prevented, my finding someone or someone being found for me. Children by a man that brought skills, or money, to my family…or children by a man chosen by the spirits. My future, Hikari-chan, belongs to my family."

"I will not." Shinji's shoulders tensed, "I will _not_ be party to taking away someone's choice. I will do everything I can to encourage trade, investments, renovations, whatever is needed to restore this area to what it was. I will _never_ treat anyone like that, especially someone like Tsuru. Out of the question."

Tomo's response was even, "What if she chose you? Are the reasons for her choice more important than the choice itself?" Waving away the point, he changed tactics, "Child, if you were asked to put your name to paper today, to become Tsuru Ikari, would you hesitate?"

"Only long enough to make certain that Grand Da and Mo-chan could be present." Her next statement was made with pride and confidence, "But only if I was asked. I am no thief, I will not take what I haven't either earned or won."

"And there you see my dilemma," he sat back. "I am offering you my child, my blood, my blessing. You, for reasons that are not only honorable from your perspective but based entirely around your regard for that same child, are saying 'No'. This is why I asked what I could do for you, Shinji. I had expected you would have guessed my motivations, and yet your…gentle kindness blinds you to avenues that others in your place would actively seek out. Can you not see why who you are leads you from what you must be?"

"He is where he is because of who he is," Hikari countered. "A lesser man would not have drawn my regard. They would not have warmed Maya's heart. Each step along his path has come because the steps before were taken with nothing but the best of intentions for everyone."

 _Is this why you're upset?_ Shinji set his forehead in the web of his thumb, physically indicating to Hikari that he needed a moment to speak silently to Maya, _I know that Hikari gave Tsuru permission to flirt, I thought it was because she wanted to flirt with a pretty girl and just wanted to extend that opportunity to everyone. Did she talk to you about it? Are we having a miscommunication?_

 _This is the first I've heard of it._ Maya clenched her jaw, _I knew she was interested, Pup. She's a young woman, you're who you are. It was inevitable that she became interested. This isn't what I've been hurting over, though._ "I am fairly positive that you will find the weather improving, Mitsuishi-san. You don't need to push your daughter into a political marriage, she doesn't need to force herself to share with others to earn our help. Shinji takes his duties seriously; her friendship is all that would be needed to encourage him to bring attention to Ogawa."

"I mean no offense when I say that a woman of science would not understand my worries fully, Your Grace," Tomo held both hands up in a bid for peace. "We've lived for centuries as a people thanks to the spirits' good graces. We've integrated science and sound reason as much as anyone else, but you can't tell me that you know for certain it will rain tomorrow…just how probable it is that it will or won't."

 _Yes. I can._ Shinji groaned out a sigh, "I'm not-"

"What is your offer," Hikari gripped his wrist hard, causing him to reflexively silence himself. "A farm is like a large household, and to succeed at managing either without tragedies occurring you need to plan ahead. You've already planned what you're willing to offer, and you know that Shinji won't ask for anything one way or the other. So make your best offer, and allow us some time to discuss it."

"Only if Your Grace is willing to make a counter-offer, should something actually be lacking in my offer," he held a small smile closely. He'd known that he'd read the power dynamics perfectly from the moment Shinji's introduction of Hikari wasn't as florid as the others. She was the power behind the throne, and her word held the force of law to the Ikari family.

"Should something seem reasonable, we will not end negotiations without giving you the opportunity to voice your concerns." Her tone conveyed no hint as to her favor or disfavor, only that an impartial trial would be held, "Though I will remind everyone present: My Husband has no desire to act in a manner that will harm _anyone_. We will always take priority."

"As is only proper, Your Grace. As is only proper." The man relaxed somewhat at the pronouncement, his argument would be heard. Everything after that was up to the spirits and the man before him, "Let's talk business."

+++++ 11th Angel + 10: Saturday (79)

"Hikari…I love you, you know that," Shinji said with a sigh. "I just…."

"Tell me that I'm wrong," she challenged. "That everything I've said _doesn't_ make sense. Give me a reason to find a private area to spank you in so we can get it out of our systems." Hikari looked to the more silent of the trio, "You've not said much, Maya-bear. I can feel you thinking, but you're not sharing."

"I'm…debating." Looking off towards where Kodama was speaking to Kelly, the eldest of them remained the furthest from the other two, "Shinji, would you say that this trip is well and truly shot?" Her eyes showed the calculations running in the background as she spoke, "We came here hoping to put the past in perspective, and we're being chased around by the future. You've taken everything in stride, despite that, but I want to know if you think you can recover what we're doing."

"I don't see how," he shrugged. "Now that I know that Tsuru wants…whatever it is she wants. Guarantees? I mean, she says she believes she will feel more than extreme attraction as we get to know one another. She says she's willing to do anything to try and find that love…."

Maya nodded, understanding him well enough to know that he would be too lost in thought to actually delve into his own past, "Unit-04 exploded, consuming NERV's base in Nevada, in the US. Three thousand plus people, gone in the span of eight ten millionths of a second." Her voice was abstracted as she spoke, "I tried, Pup. I swear I tried."

Hikari clapped her hands over her mouth, "No."

 _It happened anyway._ Shinji stepped up against his wife and pulled her into an embrace, "I know you did. If anyone could have found a way to stop what happened…." The weight of thousands of lives now rested on two sets of shoulders. They both knew, but to prevent that knowledge from ruining everything they'd kept it silent. His wife was brilliant, she was great at thinking critically and non-linearly, but handicapped as she was there would be no way to prevent the accident that had claimed thousands of lives.

"They didn't listen," her arms stayed limp, the hug unreciprocated. "Shinji…it's coming."

"And I'll beat it again. I don't remember how I did it, last time, but that doesn't matter," that she remained emotionally distant hurt him, but he wasn't the priority and he knew it. "You should have told me, Maya. You didn't need to bear this alone."

"We don't catch breaks," Hikari's eyes were trailing along the ground, her thoughts racing. "Ok…ok. Triage what we have to handle. Maya's feeling under the weather, she jostled her head against the side of the plane as we landed." Nodding, she looked back up to her spouses, "We send her and Koko to go lay down where we're staying for the evening, and-"

"I want a baby," Maya cut in, only half hearing her wife speaking.

"-you…you what?" Hikari blinked, the sudden change in topic throwing her off her stride, "We can talk about that later, dear. Right now, we need to get you-"

"I've been trying, since we've started being intimate." Her voice remained listless, "I haven't said anything. I broke the rules."

"Ok." Hikari's mouth puckered as she tried to parse through the potential remedies to what was clearly a deteriorating situation, "Shinji, please keep our wife from fainting and causing something of a scene. I'm going to go get Kodama." Turning on her heel she moved off with the air of someone unbothered by anything at all.

 _Maya, what's wrong?_ Walking her over to the bench they'd used before everything, he sat down and pulled her onto his knee, _You're worrying me._

 _Didn't you hear?_ She looked up at him, her eyes narrowing, _I've been lying to you._

 _No. You haven't been sharing how you felt, that's not the same as lying. One I can forgive easily, the other I just need an explanation to forgive._ Looking back and forth between her eyes, he tried to see her point, _I'm not really ready to become a father. I'm…terrified, honestly. But I think that's a lifetime thing with me. I'm broken, and I accept that. If you want a baby, then I'm your husband. That's my duty. That's how it is._

 _You will forgive me for overhearing,_ Suzuka asserted firmly. _Maya-dono, are you with child?_

 _I am not._ Her eyes hardened for a brief instant, then she leaned against her husband and sighed. "You'll never be just mine. That's life. I need to accept that, and the voices need to shut up." _At least, not to my knowledge. I haven't shown any signs of it._

 _Please do share when you are. There will be sensible precautions we will take, to say nothing of controlling the release of that information._ Her tone once more resumed its usual steady casualness, _My apologies. I only 'tuned in' because he mentioned fatherhood._

 _You do know I'm qualified as a nurse practitioner, even if I'm not current on my credentialing,_ Maya smirked.

 _You will also be flooded with hormones, and the first instance that I am aware of where a mortal and an immortal joined to produce a child._ Suzuka laughed, _If you think my fondness is limited to him alone, you misunderstand me badly._

"Ok," Kodama stated in low tones, "talk to me. Dizziness? Cold anywhere?" Casually laying her hand against Maya's forehead, she checked the woman's temperature, "Just not taking the flight well?"

"I told him," Maya responded, looking away. "You don't have to."

"Ah." The busty nurse sighed, "Well. SAoC, got it." Taking Shinji's confused look as a reminder, she shrugged, "Sudden Attack of Conscience. We see it more often than you think in my career field. The mood swings cause the body to start shooting off chemicals that can cause anxiety attacks, or fainting spells."

"She's also dealing with something terrible, Kodama," he motioned for a bit of patience. "Listen to her heart, I'll speak quietly." As his once and future housemate knelt down, he lowered his voice, "Unit-04, which was under construction in Nevada, exploded. She found out on the flight here. Three thousand and more people, gone faster than an eye can blink. This happened _before_."

"Fuck me sideways," Kodama choked. "Oh, sweetie," standing up she hugged Maya fiercely, pulling the smaller woman off of Shinji's lap and against her chest. "Oh, sweetie, I'm so sorry. You knew. You both knew, and you…oh, I am so sorry I was angry. You were sharing something with me because you needed to think things through and I…I did it again. I'm so sorry."

"I…I think I should lay down." Maya's face quaked, "Before…I lose control."

"That may be best," Shinji stood. "I'll likely need to as well…once I get my head around this." _Suzuka, send Kelly over._

"Pup…you should listen to Hikari." His wife had tears begging for release, "She always has your best interests in mind. Always."

+++++ 11th Angel + 10: Saturday (79)

"As you can imagine," Shinji said to the assembled news crews, "she has had exceptionally little sleep these past few months. We rely on her for a great deal, and she has thrown her all into what she's done. Between the wedding and arranging her teams so that she could accompany me on this brief visit, then the unfortunate excitement with Moriko-chan, she's a bit light-headed. So, because I get to pull the 'I'm your husband' card now, she's going to go lie down for a bit." Smiling warmly, he held his hands out slightly, "So if everyone here could do me a huge favor and put a positive spin on that? Because if she finds out that I said I pulled the 'husband card' to anyone, I'm likely not going to have a second chance to use it."

The group laughed, pleased that they were being given an 'honest' look into the married life of the world's most sought-after interviewee. Several of the 'on-camera' ladies stated that they would couch it in a way that protected Maya, so that he was safe. It just made good sense in their eyes; the person that posited anything else to their audience would likely find their Agency never invited on another excursion again.

"Now," clasping his hands together he let his smile shift to its more businesslike form, "we will be visiting the local shrine next. I intend to pray for the village, so it may be a little uninteresting as I spend some time urging the local spirits to share their blessing with this area. Lieutenant Chambers, I leave the rest of the briefing to you."

"Thank you, Your Grace," the lithe redhead took the group in hand with a smile that reminded everyone of just how unpleasant things could become if anyone repeated the mistake that the Negima News Agency had made, and just how long of a drive it was back home that group had to make in disgrace without any of their recordings to show for it. "If you'll follow me…."

Shinji was already in motion, catching up to Suzuka and Hikari, "Light, please keep our host entertained. I need to think on things." He hated having to couch things as orders, but everything was landing around him too quickly. Each decision point cut off hundreds of others, and his wives agreed to something that made little sense to him.

"Of course, my love," tugging on his shirt, she waited for him to offer himself for a brief display of public affection for the cameras before she bored down on their two hosts to get the group moving in the appropriate direction.

 _Maya…will me talking to Suzuka bother you?_ As the silence extended, Shinji's heart began to sink, the second before he was about to go running towards where she should be, Dark landed before him with her hands waving soothingly.

 _She crashed hard,_ [Static]. _We should walk,_ setting out after the trio ahead of them, she moved to take his right side. _I have a diagnostic running on her, just precautionary. If something goes wrong, I promise I'll chime in._ The pink-skinned Captain floated easily along the path, barefoot in a gauzy linen dress, _Your wife's sister is watching over her. Her waveform isn't really solid right now, I imagine thinking you're responsible for several thousand deaths isn't the most entertaining of subjects to contemplate for either of you._

 _How do_ you _manage then,_ [Static]. Nyx alighted on Shinji's shoulder, her ankles crossed demurely, _You are personally responsible for far more than a few thousand of my children's deaths._

 _Enough._ The toll of thunder across the sky made both their host and the various news teams look up at the clear blue above them with a hint of confusion and concern. Shinji glowered at the ground before his feet, to avoid glaring a hole through anyone in particular, _Nyx, if the only thing you are going to do is poke at Rose, then find another entertainment for the day. Three thousand lives were lost today, and I am in_ no _mood to deal with petty bickering._

 _R-Rose?_ The ship's captain's cheeks turned blue, _Like the flower you said you enjoyed on your date with your wife?_

 _Beautiful, but with powerful thorns,_ Shinji nodded, his temper still hot. A few more calming breaths, and he tried to use the tactics Suzuka offered for controlling the rage, _I'd like to have an entire side of the house planted with them. They smelled wonderful, even from the short distance away that we stood. I can only imagine what it would take, though._ His temper evened out, _They seemed very dependent on the climate inside the gardens._

 _Lover,_ Nyx oozed contentment at the firm hand he'd taken with her, _I'm so very sorry. You know I don't enjoy it when any of our children are murdered. It has put me in an ill mood as well._ Curling around his neck, she simpered, _I think the name you've given her is quite lovely. Even ironic, considering the other plants in the family._ Looking over to her counterpart, her eyes glittered, _Shall we call a truce? For his peace of mind?_

Rose, as she was now overjoyed to be known, waved Nyx back upright, _Let me walk on his arm, he's given me another gift. I would like to comfort him as well, and he knows I won't snipe at you unprovoked._

Shoving his hands in his pockets, Shinji bent his arms so that he could offer an elbow to Rose and not look completely awkward as he walked. When Suzuka took up his other elbow, Nyx sighed and rolled off his shoulder to drape herself with her arms about his neck, trailing along his back like a cape. _Suzi?_

 _There are dozens of people watching, dear heart. Walking as you are, it would look somewhat odd to me if I wasn't on your arm._ She looked askance at him, _Are you ashamed of our standing with one another?_

 _Never._ He shook his head subtly. _I just…you're right. How much did you overhear of what Hikari said?_ _About Tsuru, and about her thoughts regarding our rules._

 _Not very much, I was focused on stopping others from attempting to snoop,_ running her hand comfortingly along his forearm, the eternal warrior shrugged. _If it bothers you to this degree, might it not be best to simply tell the child's father that you aren't entertaining the idea of additional wives? I gather that is the crux of your current conundrum._

 _It always bothers me when I feel that…any of you…._ Sighing, he looked off towards the river, _I am, without doubt, a terrible human being, Suzi. I love my wives. I love them so much that I'm willing to suffer anything they ask of me. What is wrong with me that I can't stop thinking how nice it would be to have another person around all the time? Having Hikari and Maya in my life is amazing. It's more than I ever thought I'd receive in this life or the last, but…when Hikari asks me…._

 _Why don't we begin with her thoughts, dear heart. I cannot give advice with only your own to go by._ Intertwining her fingers with his, she squeezed his hand gently, _I promise, whatever it is it can be overcome. You are strong, you are kind, and you are not prone to allowing whimsy to rule your actions._

He spotted Gaghiel dancing around the river, happily trailing his long fins in from time to time while singing a joyous song of creation and life. The pure glee with which his child went about its task warmed his heart and gave him enough strength to reach for a branch to cling to in his sparring partner, _She believes that our rules may be too restrictive. That we should consider different resolutions for different situations. She knows I'm not going to go around pulling random women into closets, but she's afraid that we might accidentally be moving towards several of the darker futures Nozomi and Kodama have seen because I refuse to bend on this issue._

 _So she would include Mitsuishi-chan?_ Tapping his hand with one of the fingers she held it with, she gestured ahead of them to where Tsuru and Hikari were walking arm in arm listening to her father speak with grand gestures, _She does seem to be attracted to her. I have known Hikari far longer than you, dear heart, and I assure you that she is not one who tends towards happily doing things she disapproves of. She will do them, but never with such enthusiasm._

 _I…I know. She wants a big family, a house filled with love, with life, with Light. I would never tell her 'No' on any of the women she'll ask for. Seeing her happy is where I'll find my happiness. But I'll never ask her to accept someone. Never._ He looked back towards her, _That's not healthy._

 _No, it is not. It also isn't what's bothering you most,_ her smile was encouraging. _It is just us, Shinji. None may hear what we speak about, none need hear you work your way towards understanding your own heart._

 _I…find myself agreeing with her. Thinking of Rose, of Nyx. Or…or you._ He smiled with a hint of apology towards her, not seeing the thrill of pleasure her inclusion in his heart brought about. _Or Noelle. Or Nicolette._ He looked back away, _Of Rei. Or Misato. Or Ritsuko. Or Asuka. I've thought about every woman I've been blessed to know, even some of those women I know would never work out in a relationship with me. Of a world, in this or any other reality, where I was married happily with any of you. Where I went to a normal job, did my best to provide something to society, then came home and listened to you speak about your day. Telling me about how silly a client was, or how your crew failed to repair something on time, or how angry you are at the delivery man for ogling you when he brought something to the house. Of sitting down to a simple dinner, speaking of what we hope to do the next day, or the possibility of taking a vacation somewhere soon._ His voice changed to despairing, _Of struggling with each other, of finally being a match for you in combat and giving you the kind of fight you've wanted for your whole life. Of sneaking in a kiss after I throw you to the ground…of one kiss becoming ten. Of being the man to give you a child, of watching you beam with contentment as you hold_ your daughter _…and not someone else's. How am I any different from Suzuki, with thoughts like that? Why do I deserve the women who love me, if I can even contemplate that, Suzi?_

 _Because you deny yourself those realities,_ Nyx whispered. _Because of every potential Shinji Ikari, in all of the vastness of Creation,_ you alone _were able to tell me, 'No'. When the power failed, when the abomination you pilot stopped responding, you fought. How many did you see, Shinji? How many versions of you sat there blankly, staring as their world crumbled. How many raged without actually fighting back? You fought. Not performatively, not just to pretend you cared, not to appease your conscience as the world around you finally let you die. You would not go quietly, meekly. You_ fought! _You sought to protect those who offered you nothing but pain and misery, even if the cost was your own soul._

 _I'm…I don't follow._ Shinji tried to piece her thoughts together, but came up blank, _Why would me fighting make this right?_

 _Because she_ is _lust, Shinji._ Rose squeezed his arm, _You have been touched by lust unlike any your species could possibly deny, and yet…here you are. Not working through any of the eager women behind you, not ruining marriages as those already partnered throw that to the wind for an hour of your touch, not jumping at each chance to see if the next woman is better than the last. Thoughts, that's all you're having. Not plans, not regrets, not ideations. Thoughts. She needed…fine, if we're going to be partners I'll be honest. She needed a partner,_ [Static] _, not a puppet. She's failed every time she's tried to overthrow the Judges, because she's alone and undisciplined._

 _Discipline is what separates speculation from harmful action, dear heart._ Suzuka bumped him with her shoulder, _My former husband, his failure was the lapse in discipline. Had he spoken to me before he drove to a bar and bedded the trollop, what might have changed? …What if Hikari is right, and in talking to you about her thoughts she's setting you on the course you should be on?_

 _What rules would she change?_ Nyx floated up to lay atop his head so she could look down into his eyes, _So far we've jumped between various problems. What does she think you should do?_

 _So long as the woman joining agrees to be exclusive with the household, and loves at least one person other than me, we'd consider them. Marriage would be either political, or to those already married. If they couldn't love Maya and Hikari, as well as me, they wouldn't join us in marriage, basically. If it's a political marriage, it would be to me alone._ He grimaced, _That's where I'm stuck the most, what defines a 'political marriage'? Tsuru, in Hikari's eyes, would be just that. I'm tying Ogawa to me, building a powerbase. It wouldn't stop her and Hikari from enjoying time together, but she would only marry me. I…I don't care, though. If Hikari just wants to…you know, with another good-looking young woman? If she and Maya need that…. I really don't care, it doesn't hurt. I just feel like I'm going to be abusing their love by marrying someone else, especially so soon._

 _Why does it have to be soon?_ Rose floated around so that she was still holding his arm, but walking backwards, _Agree to a courtship, set a timeline, set expectations, make everyone understand that you aren't buying time but are making sure that this won't hurt those you already have an obligation to, and then when it comes time you will have done what you need to so everyone is ready._

Nyx reached down and tapped her pinkish nose, _That is an excellent plan,_ [Static]. _And-_

 _Nyx!_ Shinji growled, another peal of thunder rolling across the sky.

 _Whoa, whoa!_ Rose floated quickly up before him and waved her hands, _That one was a compliment! Do you not have a [Static] anywhere on this planet? Adorable? About,_ she held her hands at a distance that would describe a medium-sized animal, _that big? Long flowing tail and short stubby ears? I thought those things were everywhere. They eat just about anything, and make wonderful pets for the little ones. Very pack-oriented, they'll defend children viciously against outsiders._

 _They don't exist here anymore,_ Nyx sighed. _The closest is much smaller, and is known as a Dark Kangaroo mouse. The_ [Static] _died off on this planet due to an extinction event some time ago. I am sorry, Shinji. I was making a pun on her prior name, and I forgot that you don't know of that darling little creature. I was trying to play within the rules._

"We're here, Your Grace," Tomokazu called, gesturing off to the side. A small trail, well-worn despite the mildly overgrown appearance, led back into trees a ways before reaching a series of rounded stones. Inset amongst the weathered rock was a well-kept shrine. "This shrine is one of the seven where we frequently make offerings."

"Thank you for bringing me," Shinji nodded politely. "Suzuka, please make certain the area isn't harmed while I'm praying." The woman left the warrior in charge as she gave him one final squeeze of affection, moving to stand in such a manner that dissuaded the news crews from taking more than longer distance pictures and video footage. "Hikari," he bent down to offer her a kiss, whispering, "please go give a few interviews to keep them off of me while I speak with the Mitsuishi family."

"I trust you," the freckle-faced beauty returned his kiss with one to his nose. "You know how I feel, and you should know that I will back whatever decision you make. We are married, now and forever."

 _I wish I_ did _know how you felt. Maybe I should just…risk it._ Turning towards the low-slung sun, Shinji addressed the final two people, "Tsuru…would you please come offer a prayer with me? Sir?"

"I would be honored to pray with you, Your Grace," the elder Mitsuishi smiled, his eyes making clear that he knew what Shinji was asking for. "Come, child. Let's add our voices to his, and ask the spirits for their help in resolving everything."

+++++ 11th Angel + 10: Saturday (79)

"Well, that's really unfortunate," Kozo said with a false smile of sympathy. "You see, we're just not ready yet to accept the Eva. Maybe another three days, four at the outside. When you accepted the project, I'm certain you understood the precautions that were required to safely store an Evangelion. We just don't have the fourth stall quite ready, to say nothing of the pilot. Moving Unit-03 into place will require changing the entire core out, which is a bit of an issue for us budget-wise. What with the costs we've incurred protecting our pilots from things like _kidnapping._ "

"Sensible concerns," the Assistant Secretary General in charge of Evangelion Affairs nodded. The elder stateswoman from Germany had a no-nonsense attitude, and was somewhat charmed by the way that the Commander of NERV's Tokyo-3 branch refused to take any excuses from the supposedly capable group of people at MIT. "The reports we receive daily from General Benoit indicate that the manhunt is ongoing, despite the unfortunate setback suffered in your Nevada. Perhaps if your nation were willing to lend actual assistance rather than helpless platitudes, you might have seen the back of the Eva sooner."

"Or, perhaps," the bull-necked American ambassador sneered, "we'll just fly it over and leave it on your front step, Fuyutsuki. This project was run by your predecessor, and the assurances he-"

"The assurances that Gendo Ikari provided will not prohibit me from shooting down your transport should it enter my airspace, Ambassador," Admiral Drake stated evenly. "As you well know, a No-Fly Zone is in effect between fifty degrees north and thirty degrees north, one hundred and fifty degrees east, and one hundred and thirty degrees east. You send a plane between those points and I will send it and the cargo into the ocean without hesitation, Evangelion or no. This grid is under my protection, I would not recommend testing me."

"And the United Nations will consider the United States as having declared war on the world," the Assistant Secretary agreed, reading a paper that was quietly passed to her by an aide. "We are no longer living in a world with only two superpowers, Ambassador, and you _will_ receive our assistance in due time. Until then, please prepare to receive more agents. It appears that two more members of SEELE's inner council will need to be brought in for questioning, as these charges are rather serious." Looking back up at her camera, she smiled at Kozo, "Commander Fuyutsuki, we look forward to visiting soon. This restaurant you mention sounds delightful, and I hope that His Grace will be able to make time to show me around the school he attends. The young man looks much more peaceful even a few months removed from those terrible circumstances."

"I look forward to it, Madam Secretary, and I know that Lead Pilot Ikari would be thrilled to provide a tour. He's very proud of his fellow students, and how they've banded together in trying times. The Secretary General's insistence that we push for socializing him has been an unqualified success," Standing, Kozo clasped his hands calmly. "I truly appreciate your time, and will provide what updates we can on our progress as appropriate."

"Thank you, Commander. Admiral." The matronly German looked towards the American Ambassador, "Ambassador. We'll take the SEELE discussion offline."

As the camera went blank, Kozo's warmth dropped from him completely. "That man is hardly representative of his people."

"I'm glad you think that, sir," Admiral Drake smiled with a hint of self-deprecation. "He's from New York, and to be honest the diversity of opinion in that state is staggering even to someone from the same country. It's much calmer where I'm from."

"Bah," the old professor waved away the problem. "The amount of charitable donations from the common citizens in your nation is a much better indicator than the bloviating of the political class. Your people are caring, and giving, to many even after Second Impact. We have much in common, our two worlds. And I'm certain that once the boil is lanced and the pus drained, your nation will be all the better."

"I appreciate that, sir." Hesitating as he went to leave, the elder officer gestured to the empty seat in the room, "Off the record…how is he?"

"Burying himself in his work. He is personally seeing to the investigation into what's been reported regarding the Osprey carrying Shinji-kun," Kozo replied quietly. "She was his daughter, after a fashion. He wants to be certain that justice is done, if needed. Mostly…he wants to know she didn't die for nothing."


	92. Chapter 92

+++++ 11th Angel + 10: Saturday (79)

"My daughter has a fantastic sense of fashion, dear, you look stunning." The Xu Matriarch welcomed the guest of her daughter warmly, hugging a mildly confused Rei Ayanami as she would Shinji, "Come, come, sit down and join us for dinner."

"It is good to see you again, Rei-chan," Nanako greeted the First Child with a gentle smile. "I'm glad you accepted the offer to come and chat. Yang-chan said you had some questions, what can we do to help?" The back room of the Blue Crane held numerous stacks of papers that the women had been going over, investments and stock holdings mixed in with legal briefings and personal notes. Once Hikari had asked Shinji to allow the women to help his money make more money, the two savvy businesswomen had joined forces to make certain the young hero never needed to work again after the war. Pushing aside the current folio, she went to pour tea, "Cream? Sugar?"

"I…have not developed a preference," the bluenette was at a loss. The cunning and calculation that she saw before her typically was to be avoided, the amount of secrets she held too closely guarded to risk detection. However, she knew that both women were unfailingly loyal to Shinji…and such loyalty could be trusted to an extent. "What would you recommend, ma'am?"

"Just Nanako, sweetie," picking up a single sugar cube, she dropped it into her tea, then one into Rei's. "You're a dear friend of Shinji-kun, someone he's mentioned often that he trusts and wants to see done well by. That makes you a friend of ours, and we don't need to put barriers between you and help."

Xuefan held one of the wait staff up for a second, "You are a vegetarian, correct dear? Do you have an aversion to anything from animals, or just meat?"

"Just that which would require killing the animal to produce, ma'am." She tried to remember when she had mentioned her self-enforced dietary restrictions to either woman, "Thank you for your consideration."

"不用鸡蛋." Patting the man on the arm, she let him go, "Consideration is when I don't drop something heavy on you, dear. Making certain that you are given something healthy to eat is what I live to do. Now, my daughter says that you have some questions regarding our society?"

Nanako urged her to take a sip of the tea, "Are you asking about Japan, or the Shirakami?"

The way the two flavors mixed gave Rei pause. She had often seen people add small amounts of what was essentially wasted calories to their drinks, but had never felt the experience worth wasting her limited money on. After having been pulled into Kozo Fuyutsuki's office and informed that she would be seeing a pay raise, she retained her frugality out of habit. Money was a resource, and resources were to be hoarded until the time was ripe to strike. A pang of regret for not allowing herself such a simple pleasure was smothered, "This is very enjoyable, Nanako-san. I appreciate your recommendation." She took another sip, then looked back to the woman, "The latter. More than once I have overheard that my Lead Pilot will likely join your society, and during our trip today Xu-san mentioned she looked forward to cooperating with he and his wife."

"If he chooses to, Rei-chan. We don't intend to force him into anything," Nanako's smile was simple and without treachery. "Not, honestly, that we think we could anyway. He's a very stubborn young man when he sets his mind to something."

Another sip, "With what limited material I have been able to reference, that would mean involving him in criminal activity."

"Criminals will always exist, dear," Xuefan shrugged. "Convincing them to limit their enterprises to those areas that do the least amount of harm is often more successful in reducing that harm than arresting everyone and losing track of who's engaging in those activities in the vacuum that ensues. The serious crimes, murder, rape, arson, those are always to be crushed. Most of our clients would agree, and are enthusiastic partners in eliminating the perpetrators as efficiently as possible. It's bad for business to have that much legal attention focused on the area, after all."

"We try to maintain a balance between unfeeling laws and unthinking lawlessness," Nanako nodded. "More often than not, our meetings will include someone from both 'sides', so to speak. Shinji would likely find himself in a room with both a 'cop' and a 'criminal', though which is which may not always be clear. Nothing he would be doing would be illegal, only perhaps immoral to certain people. I can't imagine Shinji being enthusiastic about doing something criminal, he'd likely chastise everyone before, during, and after."

"You would use his moral certitude to encourage lawful behavior, and yet you pushed for him to act in a morally nebulous manner," another sip. "I wish to understand the reason for that inconsistency."

"You can't change the world without embracing change," Xuefan grinned. "The Shirakami are a part of the world, we must change with the world to help the world remain safe for the ordinary men and women around us. SEELE is a symptom, not a disease. The plutocrats, the oligarchs, the dictators and strongmen, all of these illnesses are simply symptoms. The world itself is the disease, with people either not thinking of others, or thinking that everyone else is the only reason they are not succeeding. The world needs a hero, a man like Shinji, to show everyone that there is a path forward for everyone from the lowest to the highest. That hard work and dedication should be rewarded, but that a simple life is often more fulfilling than an extravagant one. That success shouldn't mean pulling up the ladder behind you, but instead adding to the number of ways to ascend higher. Not everyone will live like kings, but nobody should live only to die."

Yang brought out a cart with everyone's food, "We need a paragon. A legend. Legends are not men. Paragons are not human. They are above humanity, they are more than flesh and blood. So he has a multitude of wives? Who cares, he's doing the work of ten men. Of a hundred men!" Setting out her mother's meal first, she looked back to Rei, "Some will look on with jealousy. Others with awe." Nanako's meal was presented with a grin, "So long as they all love each other, as Hikari wants them to, his wives will regulate themselves. Those that fail to live up to the standard will be cast aside." Setting Rei's meal down next, she gave the bluenette a serious look, "Why do you think I'm not champing at the bit to jump on him? I don't know for certain if I can hack it."

"But he is…." Rei thought through her own argument, Shinji was human…as human as he said she was. What did that make 'human'? Was it a quality? A classification? A series of checkboxes? Frowning in thought, she took a delicate bite of her meal, only to have her eyes widen as a new taste joined the list of things she needed more of in her life, "This is well prepared, thank you for the meal."

"You are quite welcome, dear," the elder Xu smiled happily. "What was it you were saying, before?"

"Shinji isn't human, Rei-chan," Yang shrugged, seating herself after pushing the cart back into the kitchen. "Sure, he walks and talks like us, but no human can do the things I've seen him do. Nor the things that I've heard he's done. If you set me on fire, I die. He takes a few seconds to heal and is back in it. This doesn't mean he's _bad_ or _evil_. But it does mean that we need to help him accept what he is for himself. The harder he tries to be human, the less likely he'll ever reach the heights he's capable of, which means it's less likely humanity will reach the heights they're capable of."

"Criminal behavior is down in Japan thirty-six percent," Nanako waggled a folder, before slipping it across the table to Rei. "Each time he uses that song, the one that reaches inside of your mind and tells you that it's ok you didn't succeed? That you can do better next time? That he's just glad you tried your hardest, that you aren't a disappointment? There are fewer calls to the police. Fewer trips to the hospital. Fewer fires. These people aren't doing what _he_ wants, they're just doing better at what they're doing normally, or would be doing if they knew they were loved. Making better clothes, doing more chores in their home, picking up the trash that blew out of the can instead of walking past."

"The good are becoming great, the 'ok' are becoming good, the bad are trying to be 'ok', and the truly evil are finding fewer willing to put up with their ways." Xuefan watched as Rei read through the statistics and ate her dinner, impressed at the ease with which the bluenette absorbed the data, "First it was local, then regional, his last song touched the entire nation. The groups we communicate with took notice, then became interested, and are now hoping desperately that they can convince him to be more active in public service."

"…And his wives?" She looked around the table, "What purpose do you propose they have?"

"Happiness, silly," Yang laughed. "Hikari-chan and Maya-san make him happy. But more than that, they are his anchor to the world outside. Hikari-chan will continue to learn how to lead, eventually she'll be the one who speaks on his behalf and everyone looks to for his guidance. His life is always better for him when he doesn't have to stand in front of people and talk. Maya-san will continue to help him find new applications for what he's capable of, ways to use it to better society itself. He may very well find others. Like I said earlier today, I know I've been pushing Tsuru-chan to try and win a seat at his table."

Rei frowned, "Does she have a similar purpose, in this plan?"

"She's always been fairly religious, noticed that the first time met her," the leggy waitress shrugged. "I've heard him say a few things about 'spirits' or 'aspects' from time to time. Hikari-chan hasn't ever shown herself to be exceptionally religiously observant, and Maya-san is a scientist. Tsuru-chan's a nice lady, understands duty, and has been infatuated with Hikari-chan since she first laid eyes on her. Plus, each time Tsuru-chan saw Seika-chan or Natsuko-chan flirting with him she got very upset with them. At first I thought she was jealous, but one day she came to me and asked how we could stop them from trying to ruin Hikari-chan's happiness with Shinji-kun."

"…And what would you do?" Her food was gone, as her habit of eating for sustenance and not enjoyment meant that eating was a chore to be dealt with swiftly and not a leisure activity to be savored, "Is that why you hesitate?"

"Oh, I'd end up acting as his liaison with the Shirakami," she rolled her fingers around dismissing her own importance. "Which is precisely what I'll do either way. If I find a nice husband, someone I can count on in a fight, then I'll make certain that he understands our duty to protect Shinji. If I don't, and I still don't think I can add anything to Shinji's life? I'll still be his best friend. Good people are like good food, you take your time and enjoy them for what they are." Slipping another few treats onto Rei's plate, she winked, "You don't rush into anything and risk missing the good times."

"Does he know?" Taking her stick and slicing a small segment from the greater whole, Rei took the simple advice and attempted to slow down and enjoy the taste more, "Has he approved of your efforts?"

"Does he know that we want him to be more involved in the world? Of course," Nanako laughed, the degree to which Shinji was a part of their goals was mostly hidden from everyone else, "the karaoke party will include a few key local players. They won't participate, they'll just observe, but they'll see him being himself. He hopes it will help convince them to invest in other local businesses. I hope that it will show them the cost of hesitation. They should have invested a month ago, and several others have already put money down. Spurring competition for investment brings the potential for corruption," she gestured to Xuefan.

"Which is where I come in. Each time someone attempts to benefit only themselves? I steer Shinji away from their businesses," her smile grew cold. "Word of where he asks for things from gets around, and many people have started to only shop where he shops. If it's good enough for the Duke, it has to be something great!"

"But Shinji only shops where items are both of decent quality and cost effective," Yang finished. "Which improves people's health, by eating things that aren't garbage. Improves their financial standing, by not splurging on wasteful extravagances or wasting money by not buying something that lasts. _And_ pushes money into local businesses to acquire more of the things he prefers. He's started an economic revival all on his own. He's already changing people's spending habits, their personal habits…two of our fellow students will attend a better college because their fathers stopped drinking, Rei."

"Why hasn't he…." Rei answered her own question, "He doesn't believe it's special. He's doing what's right, in his own mind. He doesn't seek praise, or assistance."

"He needs people who will seek it for him," Nanako rested her elbows on the table, her chin on her fists. "Good women who won't seek glory for themselves, who will aspire to be the kind of woman he would be proud of. People like Hikari-chan and Maya-chan. He'll shower them with glory, he'll lift them up to the world and show how his success wouldn't be possible without them. It will fuel itself, their esteem in the eyes of the world lifting his, his sending theirs ever higher. If we help him find the right women…."

"Does he know all of what we're doing? No. Few ever do, and that is the way we prefer things." Xuefan poured Rei more tea, "We are not SEELE. We do not want control, or credit, or dominion. We want people to prosper, the wealthy and the pauper, the larded and the starving. We want people to have a future they can be proud of, a world they aren't afraid of. Will some suffer? Without question. Not everyone wants to live in a world where everyone thinks of others before themselves. Not everyone will have the motivation to work for what they need. Shinji can only guide them to the river."

"This…was why you asked me to go shopping," Rei looked over to Yang. "So that I would ask questions and end up here."

"No," Yang shook her head. "I wanted to go shopping because you are really pretty, Rei. But you hide it, not in the 'librarian chic' way, but in the 'I don't know what I have' way. If you don't want to flaunt your style, don't. But I wanted to show you what Shinji sees when he looks at you, because it isn't 'plain and frumpy', I assure you. You're my friend, at least I _hope_ you are, and hanging out with my friend was a fun way to spend an afternoon."

"You asked, we answered," Nanako smiled kindly. "We're not hiding what we're doing, Rei-chan. If Shinji-kun asks? We answer. This isn't a secret club, like she said. If you'd like to help us convince Shinji-kun to help lift the world up higher? We'd love to have your help. If you'd rather not? You're always welcome to come here and ask for help. You're his friend, like _we_ said. That means you're our friend too."

+++++ 11th Angel + 10: Saturday (79)

Shinji kept his word, and petitioned any local kami that might be willing to listen to his words for their aid in restoring the village to the way it had been before the calamity. In addition, he asked his own children to look around the area for ways he might improve things with their talents. Matarael, Sandalphon, and Sahaquiel quickly moved off to comply, eager to earn not only his approbation but to distance themselves from Lilith, who sat with a graceful poise by the stones of the shrine gently tracing out the runes. Rising from his knees, he offered his hand to the young lady at his side, "Thank you, for lending your voice to mine."

Determination shone through her gaze as she considered him, her hand lingering in his after she'd gained her feet, "Thank you for speaking up for my home…Shinji."

"I would like to propose something," he looked back to the shrine, the prayers carved into the rock seeming strangely prescient in their hope that the 'spirits of all' would find peace within the lands around them. "And I would like you to consider it while we walk to the next shrine." Turning to face Tomokazu, he allowed Tsuru to keep his hand, "I have not known her long enough to feel comfortable in risking her life simply to appease this curse you feel has been laid down. Even if she wasn't someone I admire, if she wasn't someone I'm proud to call a friend…even if all she was, was a breathtaking young woman with a good heart, a keen intellect, and an admirable sense of duty, I would not willingly put her life in danger." He held up his hand, asking for patience, "However, my wife makes several good arguments in favor of this." He noticed Suzuka shift slightly, making sure she was close enough to hear while keeping everyone else from doing the same.

"I am not afraid of playing my role," Tsuru stated with quiet confidence. "These are my people, Shinji. If finding happiness in your home is the cost of bringing the spirits favor back? I could think of any number of worse fates than living with a woman I've long admired from a distance, or a man that reminds me of my Da, and his Da before him. Of my Grand Da."

"You say that now," he took both of her hands, holding them gently, "but you haven't seen me at my worst. You haven't seen me struggling for air as my past stomps on my chest, strangling any thoughts but those of horrific memories out. You haven't seen me weeping, broken and lost, as I…as I think on those I've failed." The knowledge that at least three thousand lives went unsaved sat heavily on his shoulders. "You haven't sat there, looking at my broken, burnt, lacerated, radioactive body and wondered if this was the time that whatever it is that heals me finally quits. As I lay there unresponsive, the costs of another day for the world carved out of my body, my mind, my soul. My life isn't…it isn't mine."

"These are sensible concerns, Pumpkin," Tomokazu rubbed his daughter's shoulder. He smiled in understanding, "The kind of concerns a good man would raise, the kind of man that doesn't _wallow_ in his miseries but attempts to make life better. So, Shinji, what is it that you would propose? I don't sense a 'No' at the end of this, but more of an 'If'."

"A courtship." He felt Rose pat his back on her way past, continuing her assessment of the area around them. "We spend time getting to know one another, we see how we handle the challenges that follow along behind me like stubborn spider webs, how she handles the powerful personalities of those women who already have…a claim on me." Swallowing, he looked down, _I'm sorry, Suzi. I'm just telling the truth._ "Her Excellency," he gestured to the swordswoman, "Kodama Horaki, perhaps even Captain Minders. You are not the only…." He snorted out a laugh, "The only woman with what I feel to be a stunning lack of sense." Spreading his hands out slightly, he shrugged, "I'm not worth the price paid, Tsuru. You can find someone far better, someone who loves you and you alone. Someone who will venerate the wonderful woman you are, who will help you reach the heights I know you capable of."

 _I lay no claim to you, dear heart. I offer myself to you, freely. Should you pick me up, should you hold me close? I will return what I am given ten thousand fold._ Suzuka tapped her sword to the ground, glaring at one of the reporters who wandered too close, _We are broken, you and I, and we will find our truth in time. Of anything on Earth, you and I have enough of that._

"You will also agree to go to a university," he continued, sending a warm pulse to his eternal companion. "To study hard, to find your own path in life. Something that…that should I die, will help you provide for you and those you love. You may find once you're there…that someone I mention. You might find a young man, a young woman, someone or many people. If you do…we will wish you well. We will hurt for our loss, but we will find solace in knowing that a dear friend has found happiness."

Her eyes brightened, "So…you would believe it a loss, for me to not be by your side?"

"…Walked into that one," Shinji laughed openly. Sobering, he let a fond smile show, "I don't know how I feel about you, Tsuru. Not with any great degree of certainty. I know that I find you charming, pleasant to be around, and funny. I see the comments you would make, if you had a little more confidence, in your eyes. You're not snide, or pretentious. You don't feel you're better than everyone, and you just want people to stop hurting each other. I know that I would be sad to never see you again, yes. Is that love?" He shrugged again, "That's what I'm willing to spend time finding out. Now," he gestured back down the trail, "let's go to the next shrine while you think about my offer."

+++++ 11th Angel + 10: Saturday (79)

"When did you find this out?" Akane sat inside of the VTOL with Noelle, the two women assessing their security standing and the wisdom of heading back to NERV, "And why do I get the feeling you're breaking protocol?"

"A lady I've long admired just got done in by someone, and you think I give a newborn lamb's shit about protocol?" Noelle glared holes into the agent's eyes, "I found out when Feelgood passed along a message. He said 'Ramshorn', which is a code we've long had as a way to tell when there's been an untimely death in the family."

"…And my Section didn't squelch the message?" Shinji's favored sister was more impressed than concerned, "That's not a terribly common word to work into a conversation."

"Psh, 'Vidar's going drinking later, thinking about borrowing his Ramshorn cup. Makes the beer taste better'." Noelle scoffed, "Simple to drop as a schoolboy's knickers. We're no idiots, lass. I'm tellin' ye because ye're sworn t' Shinji just like I am. Don't abuse the trust, I won't abuse yer face."

"No worries," Akane waved away the topic, frowning as she looked towards the door. "Mikoto-chan said something too, cut herself off when she realized she was about to let something slip she shouldn't have…. _Fuck_." Stamping her foot several times on the floor, she repeated the oath several times, "…I'd bet a night with Shinji against ten with your wastrel of a Lead that SEELE nailed her. We can't tell him, Captain. We do, and he's going to pop here. Get him home, somewhere that we can control the fallout."

"Agreed," the blonde nodded firmly. "He's a soft touch, but that temper gets going and it'd undo everything this trip's managed for public opinion. He's bound to find a way to blame himself for this, and we both know that's nonsense. The blighter that's done this is going to pay in blood. I may not have always agreed with her, and I more than once got in her face, but Idi was a good sort that didn't deserve to be murdered. We're finding the fuckers responsible."

"And we're keeping Shinji from killing them," Akane glowered at the floor. "He's clean, we're keeping him that way."

+++++ 11th Angel + 10: Saturday (79)

"There is much to be said for the view," Suzuka walked with Hikari on her arm. "Should he choose to build a seasonal manor here, once all is said and done, I would not find myself in opposition." Gesturing off into the distance, she smiled, "That is where I had my first experience with combat. A young man thought to take advantage of my person, I held him off with a hoe until our local lord happened by with his retinue and his wife."

Never having had the chance to learn of her 'aunt' and the past beyond Hakone, Hikari was more than happy to encourage further sharing, "What happened? Did he get in trouble?"

"The lord had him whipped in the village market, then conscripted him into his service as a foot soldier." Looking down at the shorter woman she shrugged, "Had he _asked_ instead of _groped_ , I might not have been so opposed to a kiss. He was reasonable enough in appearance, but one must have standards." Looking back to the field, she shook her head, "All of that work, and yet it appears that nobody has bothered with this field in decades, if not longer."

"The world must look so different to you," she rested her head on the swordswoman's arm. "You've seen the land change, people go from being fortunate to have a horse to barely having to lift a finger to travel kilometers. From the sea being an impassable barrier to most, to men and women hovering in space! And through it all…a sword, and hope." Squeezing her wrist, she sighed, "I'm sorry that I got mad at you, Suzuka. I wish I could control my mind the way you seem to. Maya's angry about you clocking Uncle Suzuki, but to be honest? I understand the impulse. There are times I want to paddle Shinji until he can't sit."

"Oh?" A teasing note entered her tone, "Does he lie that often?"

Pleased that the cameras were behind them, and wouldn't see her blush, Hikari whispered, "He told you?!"

"We speak often, dear one. He had mentioned that he wouldn't admit such to Kodama, for fear that she would start lying just to provoke the reaction." Soothing one hand through the hair of her partner for the current leg of the journey, she smiled, "I told him that I would prefer to not have such an arrangement, and not simply because Maya-dono is _absolutely correct_ in the need for me to control my temper and not assault Shinji. After you have experienced pain as I have, it loses the thrill."

"…I guess it would," she tried to will the blush away. "Well…to be fair, I doubt I'll ever have the chance to be the person responsible for 'discipline'. My husband wouldn't intentionally lie to me for all the money in the world. I wish he didn't need to lie to the world. It hurts him."

"It hurts us all," Suzuka noticed Shinji come to a halt, speaking quietly to their hosts. "Might I ask a question?"

"You just did," Hikari deadpanned.

"…You are not too big to go over my knee," the grin on her face cut into the direness of the threat.

"One, you know I might like it now. Two, I've been waiting to use your own words on you for more than a decade. Three," she stepped back and looked with a fond smile on her good friend, "what were you going to ask?"

"Why her?" The person in question wasn't in doubt by either party, "I have seen you vacillate between fighting women off and pushing women in. I have pondered the rhyme or reason of it, and there is little at all, certainly nothing of note, that she would add to your household. She cannot fight, she has no talents that are not duplicated in another already present, your husband may not be repulsed by her but neither is he making eyes at her, the only marker of note is her tendency towards spirituality. Yet you seem rather insistent."

Hikari's eyes lost their focus for a brief instant, realigning with an edge to them, "Because a great many futures rely on my husband not only being praised…but venerated." Swallowing, and rubbing her temple, she shook her head slightly, "Don't tell him. Please."

The elder woman reached out and gripped tightly around her arms as Hikari wobbled, "Child-"

"I am no child, Suzuka." Keeping her tone in check, she looked up with a calm smile that she clearly did not feel, "It is getting better. Easier. Something about the surgery, the mass that they removed, I haven't been losing myself as often as my sisters. The night by the track was the first time in some time that I got lost. Anymore…anymore I'm just seeing them. Like a television screen." Her eyes flicked to the assembled journalists, "Most of them plan on running a story about me, wondering if it's actually _me_ and not _him_ that's the reason for the marriage to Maya. They're not honestly wrong, but that story will harm him. I'm pushing right now because before he leaves, I want them to see him kiss her. It will stop that story dead." Kicking off her shoe as if she'd had a stone fall in, she crouched down and picked it up to shake it out, "Go protect his privacy. He needs to come to terms with this on his own now."

+++++ 11th Angel + 10: Saturday (79)

 _They have not discovered it, clearly,_ Sandalphon rested on Shinji's shoulder as the Third Child knelt before the next shrine. _If they are encouraged to dig down, that aquifer will help the plants grow stronger with the waters it contains. I have…encouraged as many of their young sprouts as I feel appropriate, too many and they will choke each other out, after all._ The aquatic Aspect let its fins float up in a shrug, _Sachiel assures me that he can bound what will become a pond well enough to not flood the village itself, though your host may of course have different plans once he discovers the resource on his lands._

Matarael crouched atop the shrine, running his forelegs down the smooth rock rhythmically, _With the right rains, and some snows in the high places in a few moons, I should be able to wash nutrients that have been blocked by the drought back down into the farmlands here. Nothing complex, Great One, and it should encourage the trees to flower beautifully next growing season._ The insectoid Aspect gestured to Sahaquiel, _My sister has some excellent ideas to help me shape the winds that pass through her domain to limit the potential for flooding as well. This area is rife with potential for either bounty or famine._

Shinji smiled, a gentle upturn of his lips that wouldn't draw attention from either other person present, _Thank you. All of you. Sahaquiel, did you have anything you wanted to add?_

 _I…uhm, I was…I wanted to uhm…._ The titanic Aspect fidgeted with her thumbs, _You see…._

 _I am listening, child,_ he kept his voice warm, not wishing to sound threatening to the timid woman before him.

 _Would you like me to explain, sister?_ Sandalphon lifted free of Shinji and settled on her lap, _I understand that you are nervous, and do not mind granting you some assistance here._ When Sahaquiel nodded eagerly, he patted her leg comfortingly. _She would like to lens the night sky so that the stars beyond are even more visible. A sort of…blessing, such as you might consider it. Marking this place as special, in your eyes, for all to see. A romantic, if harmless, change._

 _…If it is harmless, I think that's a good idea._ He nodded, standing, _Sandalphon, mark the spot before his house. We'll go there now and begin digging. Matarael, err on the side of caution. A flood would undo everything we're trying to manage here. Sahaquiel…I look forward to a beautiful sky tonight._ "Tomo, my friend, I would like your permission to dig a rather deep hole near your house."

"A…hole?" The wiry farmer pursed his lips, trying to reason out what could possibly have inspired the idea, "Mind if I ask why?"

Shinji ran his fingers over his scalp and tossed the dice, "Would you believe me if I said that a spirit encouraged me to try?"

The man's sudden smile was almost beatific, "An actual vision. I _knew_ I was right."

Tsuru took Shinji's arm, a sense of urgency about her, "What did it say? Can you describe it?"

The shift in their bearing was mildly concerning, "A mineral spring. Enough to become a self-sustaining pond that would be useful for irrigating the crops you've just planted in the field you recently amended. If I have the right tools, and some help, I think I know where to start digging."

Tsuru closed her eyes and prayed fervently, "Thank you, Ma. Thank you so much."

"If we're going to make any use of the daylight left, we should get to walking," Tomokazu wiped his knees off. "My fields aren't that far off, but the sun's already touching the land and that leaves little time to waste."

+++++ 11th Angel + 10: Saturday (79)

"How are you feeling?" Hikari sat on the bench that had been brought out of the house for her and her wife, watching their husband demonstrate his inhuman strength to a rapt audience as he easily dug a small trench outlining where he needed the waiting team of eager men to begin. "I wish we could talk…just, please, know that I know you did your best."

"I'll be better once we're home and I can actually let go." Maya sat sandwiched between Kodama and Hikari, both women holding one of her hands and emoting as much comfort as they could. She was surprised, after a fashion, that the cameras weren't including the scene in any of the shots. While her husband managed to outdo an earthmover, the shot of his wives as well as the sister of one of his wives holding hands would typically be the kind of salacious image any newshound would try for. "Your sister did a good job at holding me while I cried, but I was still restraining myself."

"I promise you," Kodama stated with quiet resolve, "we get on the plane home and I am going to squeeze the life out of you until you start sobbing. Nobody coming home with us will judge you, and anybody that does is going to deal with your wife before I get my shots in." Bumping her shoulder against Maya's, she tried to add a touch of levity, "I'll be busy hugging you, and that's more important than causing the air marshal to come find me."

"The air marshal would be busy pounding the brainless out of anyone stupid enough to irritate my ladies," Noelle stated, glomping onto Maya from behind. "Rule number one, don't piss off the pilot. Rule number two, the co-pilot is responsible for informing Stupid of the altitude and the expected time between departure and landing if they don't stop being stupid."

Hikari shifted slightly to allow herself to see the blonde, and had a momentary lapse in poise, "You…are wearing a dress."

"Of course I am," Noelle frowned, confused. "I promised Pally I'd wear one if he was good." She looked at her fellow pilot, then back to his wife, "He _was_ good during the movie night, yeah?" Standing up straight, she showed the periwinkle blue fit-and-flare cotton dress off as she looked down at herself, "What? Does it not fit right?"

Kodama asked with an appraising look, "…Why don't you wear dresses more often?"

"Didn't have a reason to," the pilot shrugged, hoping that everyone was just trying to keep the mood light in public. "Considering I have t' impress three or five people now, I went out and spent a bit to get something nice." She gestured along her body, "Seventy Pound this thing set me back, so ye better like it."

"It suits you," Maya stated with a wan smile. "It's a lovely color on you."

"Yer a doll fer sayin' as much," the blonde bent down and pressed a gentle kiss to the other woman's lips. Setting her forehead against Maya's, she whispered, "We'll muddle through t'gether, dearie. Once the plane is repaired, we get him home, we all pile into bed, and we weep fer the dead. I'm…I'm glad ye feel as badly about Idi's dyin' as I do. I understand why ye didnae say anything, what with Pally flyin' an all."

"Id…." The fact clicked into place with a ruthless efficiency. Clamping her eyes shut, Maya reached up and pulled Noelle's head down to whisper into her ear, "There were more than three thousand people on that base. Her and her team died instantly. The possibility of her realizing that she was dead is close enough to statistically null. How did you find out?"

Noelle choked out a pained, "Three-" The sound of her teeth clacking together was audible for some distance, "She…she wasnae murdered?"

"We need to hold out until we're home," Maya urged darkly. "I need you to back me."

The pilot nodded readily, "T' th' hilt, dearie. I'm sorry I didnae know the full tale."

"He knows about the three thousand, he does _not_ know about her." The Lieutenant Colonel choked her emotions off, "Keep it that way. He's holding it together, but if we hit him with that here…we destroy anything we've accomplished."

The group shifted back around, returning to their watch. Kelly was speaking with Tsuru about the various ranks of enlisted members that were lending a hand to Shinji as he outpaced their efforts at fire-brigading the loose dirt and rocks off to create a berm where Tomokazu had outlined. Suzuka was speaking in Sign to the future pharmacist's grandfather, sharing stories of Shinji's training and how deeply he despised hurting anyone. Everywhere they could look, there was another small scene. Innocent and unaware of the dark thoughts that had begun to swallow the four women.

+++++ 11th Angel + 10: Saturday (79)

With the moon providing light, accompanied by the floodlights Alpha Company had set up, Shinji coordinated with the two Aspects he'd asked for guidance. When Sachiel frowned, then motioned for a pause, Shinji called out quickly, "Stand clear please." Waiting for a few seconds, he jumped up out of the hole he'd created to land out of the way of others that were still working. Wiping off his brow, he stabbed the shovel in the ground, "I think we're close. I can feel the air down there becoming…moist? Damp? There's water," he laughed. "We'll say there's water."

"Your Grace," one of the reporters cautiously raised their hand, "I'm sorry for asking something that might have been explained already, but couldn't this be done with a few machines? Why dig by hand?"

Taking the drink Tsuru offered with a nod of thanks, he addressed the speaker, "Do you have a couple nearby? This village is fortunate enough to have the irrigation system they have. These people make do with what they can afford, and they can't afford to just have spare machines lying around." Drinking deeply, he handed the now-empty glass back to his friend with a smile, "Besides, have you seen these tools?" Hefting the shovel, he nodded in approval, "This is quality work. The pick down there as well. Her uncle makes solid tools, it would be a shame not to put them to the test like this, wouldn't it?"

 _Great One,_ Sandalphon floated above the lip of the project, _Sachiel is uncertain about the pressure that has begun building below the surface. He advises caution, as you may find yourself suddenly forced to choose between staying dry and displaying our capabilities to the Lilin._

 _Thank you for the warning, though I'm not afraid of getting wet._ "Ok, break's over." Walking back to the hole, he nodded to the Sergeant overseeing his men, "Your team is doing a good job, sir. I appreciate you breaking from the mission to lend a hand."

The man waved away the praise, "Second Squad doesn't shy away from the hard work, Your Grace. Doesn't matter if it's bashing heads or changing diapers, we do the jobs that need doing." Looking down into the hole, he grimaced, "You want one of my kids to take a turn?"

"No need," Shinji jumped in before calling back up, "it's getting my mind off of things. Watch your legs, this is heavy," hefting a giant stone loose, he threw it up and out. Switching to the pick, he began to fracture the heavy clay that lay beneath, "What do you think? Two, three hundred kilograms?"

 _Dear heart, are you showing off?_ Suzuka's mirth-filled message danced through his mind, _You must know that none of us are going to look elsewhere for 'manly' displays._

 _I'm just making conversation,_ he rolled his eyes. _The Sergeant seems nice._

"It took three people to move, Your Grace," the man called back down. "I'd say closer to six."

"Oh. Well, I'm still trying to figure out my own strength, I guess." _Suzuka, can you go make sure Maya's ok? She's not been responding._ Digging in with the shovel, he began filling the bucket with another load of earth.

 _I'm fine, Pup. I'm sorry, Noelle showed up and I'm talking to her._ His wife's voice was steadier, though her song still cried of pain, _Did you need something?_

 _Just to know you're there,_ he tried to put as much love as he could in the statement. "Bring it up!" One bucket descended as the other rose, _We're going to have some explaining to do when we get back, and I'm sorry for that, but I'm trying to convince them to be patient. If you and Hikari feel having Tsuru join is the right thing to do, I'll try and do what I can to support everything. But you know how I am._

 _Frustrating? Yes, Pup. I know how you are,_ the joke set him to laughing as he stuck the spade into the ground.

 _I'm…what's rumbling?_ Dodging the unexpected successfully is often considered a function of reflexes and awareness. Shinji's reaction time was phenomenal, his training in being aware of his surroundings however hadn't yet covered dodging a geyser of water pushing its way through the ground beneath his feet. Off balance, as his right foot was far too close to the source of the natural spring, he failed to get his feet set well enough to jump up the nearly eight meters to the ground above as he had been. The result was him slipping and falling before scrambling back to his base, grabbing both tools, and climbing frantically out. Cresting the top, to the sound of awe and cheering, he was covered in mud and soaked for the second time that day. Looking up at the head of the eruption, he began to chuckle. Eventually giving up on staying upright and just sitting down to laugh at his tendency to create chaos wherever he went.

 _Great One, Sachiel believes that the pressure will ebb in an hour or so. By that point, the water will reach an equilibrium and follow the trench that the Lilin have prepared, forming the spring you requested._ Sandalphon, by virtue of deciding to be truly intangible, was unaffected by the shower that was soaking everyone closer than thirty meters as the water descended back to the ground, _There seems to be some oddity to the composition of the water, however he is positive that it will not be harmful to the Lilin._

 _Thank you both,_ hefting himself off the ground, he looked around to find where everyone had fled to. Suzuka was standing under the eave of the house, sheltered from the worst of the downpour alongside Akira, who was just smiling and clapping happily at the scene. Most of the news crews had rapidly fallen back, protecting equipment and clothes as they reported on the 'miracle'. The Sergeant was ordering his men to move faster, clearing the last of the dirt before it became nothing but mud, and shifting the lights to avoid damaging them. Spying Tomokazu pitching in, he moved over to support his host, "Tomo, my friend, I think I may have found that water."

Looking back with the kind of smile a man gives when the reaper apologizes for knocking on the wrong door, the wiry farmer laughed, "I do believe you have, Shinji!" Gesturing to the stones that had been gathered to border the trench leading to the pond, he called over the roar of the geyser and the noise of the workers, "Just a few more of them, if you're looking for something to do."

Hefting the boulder he'd last thrown up, Shinji pointed around, "Where do you want this one?"

"Center," Tomokazu pointed where the water had begun to channel through, "nice big stone like that would make an excellent place to put something thanking the spirits for sharing their favor."

 _Initial surveys show that you've just prevented a major drought from becoming even worse,_ [Static]. Rose walked alongside him, smiling. _My geologist and hydrologist are agreeing that this is fed by that river. It couldn't force its way up through the ground, though, without more pressure. Either the river needed to swell back up to the size it was a few thousand years ago, which would have serious repercussions for this area, or it needed this._

Setting the boulder down with a heavy pat, Shinji clapped his hands, _Lives saved. It's…it's something._ Hurrying back to help move more stones, he asked his host, "What do you think? Should be enough to supplement this field, right? It's a bit longer than a 'spring', not really a 'pond', certainly not a 'river', what do we call it?"

"A blessing," the man laughed. "A sign. With this field well-irrigated, I should be able to grow enough to feed several thousand people. Three, maybe four? I promise you, I won't charge a yen more than I need to cover replanting. This is a gift, my friend, and I intend to pay it forward."

 _Three or four…thousand people?_ Slowing to a halt, he looked back at the geyser, his smile fading to a thoughtful look, _I can't save everyone. Can I?_ _Maya…we just made it possible to grow enough food to feed several thousand hungry people._ Looking over to where she sat, he hefted one of the rocks and held it up to show her, _We couldn't have saved them. Because we can't control what other people do, even when we tell them that what they're doing is dangerous. This?_ He grabbed another larger stone, _This we can control. What_ we _do. We'll grieve for the lost, but we need to fight for the living. They need us more, after all._

 _Well said, dear heart._ Suzuka's voice carried pride, _Perhaps this is life's way of helping balance the ledgers._

Maya's silence spoke volumes.

+++++ 11th Angel + 10: Saturday (79)

"No, no," Shinji waved off the offer, "I really couldn't trail mud all into the inn, ma'am! That'd be terrible of me. I'll just, uh…there's a hose right there. If we hang a blanket or something, I can just hose off here."

The tiny innkeeper planted her fists on her hips, "Son, you'd best bring yourself inside my inn right now before I'm forced to drag you in here by your ear. There is a mudroom just around the corner, and I have everything set up for you to clean yourself. I will not have you washing down out there like some beggar." Clapping her hands expectantly she pointed to the door, "To the left, now. Hop." Smiling to the ladies, she nodded to Tsuru, "Mitsuishi-chan, you know where their rooms are. I'll handle His Grace."

Standing just inside the building, Rose gestured in the direction he was intended to travel, _It's all hardwood and vinyl composites. You won't be making a mess that takes too long to clean._

"I'll enter last," he surrendered. "No reason for everyone to walk around the mud and water." Standing off to the side where he was out of the way, he received a weak smile from most of his troupe, a strained smile from Hikari, and an apologetic smile from Tsuru. Once the path was clear, he bowed to the innkeeper, "I am very sorry, ma'am."

"You'll be sorrier if you catch a cold and I have to explain to the Mitsuishi family why I let that happen," she stated with a firm eye. "Now in here, to the left, and strip. I'll get these in the wash. I have a robe that will fit you, and everything will be cleaned by morning."

"Yes, ma'am." Following instructions, he sighed as Rose floated alongside him, _I really didn't mind cleaning up outside. This is a nice floor._

The room that had been designated as a 'mudroom' had a basin of steaming water standing on a tall stool, and a grate-covered drainage system on the other side of the floor. Next to the basin was a smaller stool and a few toiletries for him to use. Waiting with a far more patient look than she'd held outside of her inn, the elderly woman smiled knowingly up at him, "I'm sorry for having to speak harsh to you, son. But I know men like you, married one of them myself. Two choices, give up before you start, or grab the ear and drag. When you're older, you'll understand."

 _I'm not_ that _unreasonable._ "Where would you like my clothes, ma'am?" He looked around for something to put them in, and saw nothing standing obviously out.

"Just on the floor there," she pointed next to the door. "Let me help you," she offered, stepping up next to him, "cold hands shake, and you'll risk tearing the buttons off. I don't mind doing seamstress work, but I'd rather not lose the buttons down the drain." She raised her eyebrow as his hands stayed half raised, "You ain't got nothing I haven't seen a hundred times, son. I'm well past the age where pretty young men excite me, and I'd really rather not have to bring one of your wives down. Something isn't well with them, and they're better off upstairs with their friends."

 _She does like to run roughshod over people, doesn't she?_ Rose sat atop the lip of a nearby sink, her dress cascading off her crossed legs, _I kind of like her._

Once more, Shinji simply surrendered. Placing his hands down to his sides, he knelt down to allow her easier reach, "As you say, ma'am."

"There you go." She nodded once more, pleased that he was being agreeable. "I hope you don't mind me saying so, but you seem a little rough for a noble. Most powerful folk wouldn't be caught dead digging trenches or jumping in rivers." Peeling his overshirt off, she carefully set it in a pile by the door, "Too worried about how people see them, or thinking others should be doing the hard work. Someone like you'd fit in around here easily enough. That why you come?"

"…Something like that," he shrugged. "Tsuru-san is in my class. She wanted to show us where she lived, and…well, I spent the first part of my life in Nagano City."

"Don't seem like a city kid either," she carefully worked his undershirt off. "Once again, most of them don't know one end of a pickaxe from the other, hear tell you used one like an old hand. Stand up, lift your right foot."

Gaining his feet, Shinji allowed her to continue, just to avoid the arguments, "I wasn't raised in the city itself. The man who…was responsible for me, he never bothered letting me go outside. The few times I did, it was to mow, or rake, the yard."

She huffed, "That why you're so pale? Left foot."

Setting his right foot on the ground, he lifted his left, "Something like that. Once or twice, I was driven down here because he didn't trust me by myself. I sat in the back of the car, waiting while he did whatever he did. Just over that way," he gestured down the main boulevard, "even saw a few festivals while I waited."

"Left you in the car…." Her hands paused on his belt, "You don't look that young. How old are you, boy?"

Looking around the room, he tried not to dwell on the memories, "Seventeen," _At least in this timeline._

Disbelief was written on her face, as well as a minor vein of fear, "…You look me in the eye and tell me that."

Frowning, he looked down at her, his unevenly colored eyes confused, "Ma'am, I'm seventeen. I attend Tokyo-3 High School as a senior. Why?"

She held his gaze for a long moment, then looked down and began working on his belt, "Always knew this day would come."

Waiting as she struggled with moving his belt through the uncooperative loops, he hoped she'd answer his question without further prompting. True to her word, she undid the button and zipper on his pants and helped him step out of them. Watching her add the items to the pile, he repeated himself, "Ma'am…why?"

"He touch you?" She stood with her back turned, "And don't you fib now. I know you know who I am. I helped them bury you."

"Lady," Akane's voice could have crushed steel into fine powder, "unless you are well and truly done with living, I'd shut up." The agent stood in the doorway, her face full of fury, "The man standing there in his boxer-briefs is His Grace, Shinji Ikari. Duke of Chūbu, Pilot of Unit-01, Paladin of the Realm, and rescuer of little girls from rivers. He's alive, like you or I, and he doesn't need your superstitious horseshit." The scene was not how she'd intended to broach the topic, and she wanted this outsider to have nothing to do with his past.

"I know who he is, girl," the old woman's voice showed no sign of fear. "It were my son what did everything. Damn waste of a chance to do a little extra laundry the evening he was conceived, if ever there was one." Turning back around, she waved to the stool, "Sit down, son. Water's getting cold and I want to wash your hair out."

Akane went to step into the room, "Maybe-"

Shinji motioned her down, "Stop." Pointing over to another stool for her to sit on, he shook his head, "We're just talking."

"Shinji, she's addled." The agent stepped up closer, laying a hand on his chest, "You're real. I've seen you almost die!"

"Sit," he urged her with a little more force. "I'd like to have you here for this." Turning away, he moved to sit on the stool, "Thank you for washing my hair, ma'am. If you'll hand me the sponge, I'll start on my arms and legs."

"How you ended up like this…." Sighing, the old innkeeper handed him a sopping wet sponge and the bottle of soap, "Properly now. Between toes and under nails."

"Yes, ma'am," the pieces of the puzzle began to snap into place. _Rose…do you know where Nyx is?_

 _No, she disappeared when we reached the second shrine. Once you left to go to working on your new vocation as a miner, I decided to take care of some work myself._ The pink-skinned captain shrugged, _Have you tried calling her?_

Water sluiced over his head, shifting his focus from his mental conversation to the physical world around him. The old woman's voice was gentle as she spoke, "Those people that paid to keep you here…they rotting in jail? Or even better in a shallow grave upside down?"

Starting with cleaning his left arm, he kept his head steady, "My father…didn't know what that man was doing. He paid him to raise me, and accepted the reports stating that I was being 'cared for', instead of fed and occupied with cello and books. Nobody's killed him yet, though I can't say I haven't contemplated it once or twice. He's in jail, from what I understand."

"Feh, too much to hope for, I guess." Age had not taken the strength from her grasp as she shampooed his hair, working the mud and dirt and rock smoothly from his head without tugging or pulling painfully, "You ain't answered my question…did he touch you?"

"Not really," Shinji honestly misunderstood the question. "He'd slap me when I'd make a mistake. Or when I missed a spot on the floor. Or when I was late with making meals. Other than that, no. He ignored me, shoved me in a room, and threatened me with worse if I came out unless I was told to. If it wasn't a day where he'd 'teach' me, I either read the books he assigned or I played the cello. The few times I spoke to anyone else was when we got in the car. I'd wait in the back seat, and if anyone said anything I was told to reply, 'I'm fine. Thank you for asking'."

"Small blessings." The sense of relief in the woman's voice was disproportionate, and confusing in the flow of the conversation. What Shinji couldn't see, owing to the suds around his head and eyes, was Akane glaring death at the woman. The message was clear, and she let the answer stand, "He's dead…if that's what you came back to do. Some men came and took him in the middle of the night, hear tell. The body was found…later, here and there."

Shinji pondered that for a time, turning the knowledge this way and that to see what he was supposed to do with the information. As usual, whenever he was in doubt, he fell back onto manners, "You said he was your son, I'm sorry for your loss."

"Son, the day he left my home to go study was the best day in my life. That child was darkness waiting for a place to happen." Pouring water over his head again, she sent a great deal of dirt and mud with it, "If I'd known what he'd end as, I'd have drowned him in the river myself before his lips touched my tit once." The sigh of old anger followed more shampoo, "Should have anyway. Maybe then you'd have spent your youth here in Ogawa. Showing the rascals around town how to be a good man. Marrying Mitsuishi-chan. Having a good life, instead of having clothes that don't fit you shoved onto your shoulders."

"I wonder who would have raised me," he asked for lack of anything else to say, knowing that by convention he would be expected to add to the conversation. _Did nobody love him? Was he evil because his parents hated him, or did his parents hate him because he was evil?_

"I'd have volunteered, happily," the innkeeper patted his shoulder, placing a soapy handprint. "Manners, dedication, not afraid of some hard work? I wouldn't have to hire out work with a son like you. Most of the women in town would have taken you in, boy. Most of them asked. My son was…not well regarded." Another pause, "You might have been able to avoid dying."

Holding out his hand, anticipating his 'sister' winding up, he instead asked the logical question, "How did I die?"

"Hmph," the old woman grunted. "Guess you might not remember. Never spoken to a spirit before, thought you'd remember what made you what you are."

"A powerful woman, with hair as black as the depths of the void beyond, with skin of palest moonlight. She…found me struggling and gave me a chance to make things right. To save as many people as I could." The truth seemed apt, considering the likelihood of the woman ever telling anyone of her own shame let alone his own story, "I…I guess I try not to remember things from the time before. At least, not the unpleasant things."

"You were starved, son. Food or affection, take your pick. Your body was fragile, for all the work he made you do." Her touch changed from 'work to be done' to 'comfort the child before her', "The bruising around your face…I think he finally lost what little sanity he had left. Not a mark on him, though. I guess you were done with life…or at least that life, you didn't fight back."

"As reasonable an explanation as any," Shinji nodded. _Another Shinji died to make room for me. How many before me? …How many after?_

"Neighbor lady I often spoke to found you, dumped in the nearby woods where she'd go foraging for mushrooms. Called me up, asking for help." Rinsing everything off, she stepped around to take the sponge and do the next part for him, "The cops up there, useless pricks the lot of them, had long since stopped taking her calls. Reporting anything involving you was a quick way to spend a night in jail, or worse. She asked for help burying you, felt that burning you was a bad idea in case someone needed proof."

"I'm sorry that you had to suffer through that," he offered quietly. "Akane, please go get another set of clothes. We're taking a walk."

"Kid," she stood, her protests cut off by the unspoken fury in his eyes.

 _Suzuka, get my clothes. We're taking a walk._ "Please. And find Suzuka, she'll know what to do." Holding his glare until she left to do what he'd asked, his voice remained gentle. The woman before him was not to be blamed for any of his suffering, the guilt and sorrow in her song spoke more than clearly of a person that had tried their best and just hadn't had enough to succeed. "Ma'am?" Her eyes lifted to his, and the fury she'd anticipated was instead replaced by understanding, "I'm going to sing a song for you. It might…help you understand."

+++++ 11th Angel + 11: Sunday (80)

"I'm not used to being carried like that," Akane sighed in irritation as Shinji set her down. "Nor did I think you were just as fast as he is, lady." Watching as Suzuka looked idly around the area, calm and placid as if they hadn't just sprinted faster to their destination than someone could have driven, she once more filed various items away for later. For now, the agent had to contain what was present before them. "The grave was restored, after it had been dug up to…."

"To find me," Shinji stated numbly as Rose wordlessly took measurements around them. "My guess would be Section Two, or maybe one of General Benoit's team."

"It was Special Agent Haraldson," Suzuka stated, her tone full of barely constrained rage. "Our contacts indicated that she was confused, but accepted the oddity as just another concern for another time." Crouching down by the marker, a larger stone that had been carved with a prayer for the dead and the hiragana of his name, along with the date the body had been found, she gently touched the prayer rope, "This is not old, or worn. Someone has been tending this grave."

"An empty box," Akane shrugged. "The report said there wasn't even a trace of human DNA on the swabs. We had experts do everything but bring the damn thing back for lab analysis. Interviews and interrogations revealed no missing children in the local area, nobody that would fit in the clothes that were found. This is a prank, at best."

"He suffered so much," Suzuka's voice trembled as she swept several leaves free of the grave. "Why would anyone do this to you, dear heart? In this life, or any other, I cannot imagine you as anything but warm and kind." Whether her anger reflected or fed Shinji's was anyone's guess, however the truth was undeniable as the twin maelstroms began to merge.

"Don't tell me you believe this, Suzuka?" Akane pointed to Shinji, "He's standing right there! He's _alive_. Somehow, all things considered. Hit by a train, burned by a giant laser, set on fire, stabbed, cut, smashed, and yet he's still kicking! Whatever this is, it's not actually his grave."

"Akane…I love you." Shinji looked at her, his hands in his pockets where they wouldn't hurt anyone, "Please. Shut up." _Nyx._ Summoning the Night Mother, the same way that he would any of his Children, Shinji fought a losing battle with the berserker. It was only the soothing presence of his friends that had delayed what was to come: Rose's sorrow as she verified what she already knew, Suzuka acting as a valve to release small amounts of his lack of calm, even Akane's waffling doubts served their purpose.

Shimmering into view, the moonlight coalescing into human form, Lilith was instantly on the defensive, _You had to know that this world once held a copy of you. That changing the world would be necessary to avoid two Shinji Ikari walking around. Did you expect a peaceful end for yourself? An easily explained death that would let every official know you had died? When you show up and nobody was there to pick you up at that phone, then what? You just walk into NERV, and everyone lets you climb into the abomination despite your_ being dead?

 _There had to be another way,_ Rose set aside her scanner. _Yes, past a certain point deaths just become a statistic, but the individual tragedies…._

 _He suffered so much,_ the eternal swordswoman's blade was out and glowing with her rage. _He spent a decade and a half being beaten, starved, abused. Confused and lost, abandoned by his family. For what?_

 _For a chance to stop this from happening again,_ Nyx responded evenly. _For the cycle to end, one way or another. For Creation to go on past the walls that the Judges have erected into a future outside of their control. I have spent billions of years creating this world. Countless more creating a reality that allowed me a slim chance at victory. I assure you, I do not relish that the one chance at that victory comes at the cost of the only being in all of Creation to ever look at me and offer me_ equality. _So yes, he survived where others did not. Such is the price of victory._

"I remember every blow." Speaking aloud, Shinji set aside his fears of discovery, "Every. Blow. I remember darkened rooms. Bland food." Pressure began building in the air around him, "And the cello…always the cello. The same songs, over and over. Practice over and over until it was beyond perfection." His changed eye crackled with the fire of the gods, "If I pressed too hard with my fingers…I was beaten. If I pulled imprecisely, beaten. If I tried to change the tone to match the composition, beaten. I remember because they're never out of my mind. I did not survive. Survival implies that I continued to live." The toll of thunder overhead accompanied his lip twitching, "I never left. I'm still there. Now. He's still hitting me. I did _not_ survive." _Suzuka…go._

The samurai hesitated only long enough to grab Akane, throwing the agent over her shoulder before dashing away as fast as her legs would carry them. Trees, rocks, any manner of natural obstruction were either evaded or leapt over. She knew why he'd brought her, now. He needed someone to save the agent, everyone else would have to fend for themselves.

Akane watched in horror as lightning bolts the thickness of five of the trees combined began to pummel the area where Shinji roared out with pain and loss. Her eyes screaming in protest as the repeated flashes of plasma and electrostatic wrath raked her corneas with white-hot rage. The lone mortal human to bear witness to the birth of a divine being wept as she was carried to safety.

+++++ 11th Angel + 11: Sunday (80)

"Don't stare," Kodama pulled the curtains closed. "It's bad for your eyes."

"Two pair," Noelle set down her cards on the bed, "aces and eights." Looking over to where Hikari was resting her head against the window, the curtains now cutting off the pyroelectric displays in the distance, she sighed. "What do you have, lass?"

"Uhm…I have three threes," Tsuru showed what she held. The young woman was struggling to find her role in the room, with so many adults present, and all with clearly defined roles already. "That…beats what you have, right?"

"It does," the pilot nodded. "Maya?"

"Full house. Three queens and two sevens." Placing the cards down before her, she added in the same emotionally numb tone that had been her hallmark since the geyser erupted, "He's still alive."

"Aye," Noelle pulled the cards back in to shuffle them up. "Guess this was what we came here for."

" _We_ came to hold him while he cried," Hikari emphasized. " _We_ came to support him. Whatever was said downstairs, before he sang…Suzuka had better have a good reason for telling us to stay. We might have prevented this."

Tsuru engaged with the woman closest to her in age, hoping to be of some use, "He doesn't seem like someone with a terrible temper, does he do this often?"

"Third time I can think of," Kodama shook her head, walking over and hugging the 'new' woman from behind. "After Daddy died, in the gym, and then now. It's escalated because we haven't let this happen, Hiki." Kissing Tsuru on her forehead, she kept her bearing as a care provider, "Maya's right, the wound needed to be drained. Everything else is just patchwork."

"Next time he might just level a mountain, we try to stop this," Noelle began dealing out another hand. "We'll be here to do our part after he's had his say."

The door slammed open and Suzuka tossed Akane into the room unceremoniously, "He would be distressed to find you did so, kunoichi. He forgave her for any trespass, you will leave his judgment standing. Minders-chan, do not allow her to leave." Sliding the door shut again, the willowy warrior locked eyes with Maya, _I formally request your permission to do what I must upon my returning to his side. I will bring him back, I swear on my life, but I may need to do more than plead._

"Do what you have to," Maya said with a shrug. "I've already failed. Give me two cards." Kodama moved quickly from Tsuru to the officer, hugging her gently and murmuring assurances that everything would work out ok.

Hikari hurried over to the warrior's side, lowering her voice, "What's wrong? Maya's not talking sense to anyone, and I can't do much without making her uncomfortable. Is Shinji in danger?"

"He…found his own grave," Suzuka's face twitched, her efforts at not placing all of his secrets out in the open creating odd paths through the conversation. "His memory has not let him move beyond his past, and to find such an end…I worry that he may feel jealous. Please, Maya-dono is in no condition to approve: let me go back to his side, and do what I must to bring him back. I will pay any penance later, but no loss I suffer at your hand would be worse than to have failed in this."

The Class Rep and the Young Wife stepped aside as the Oracle took control, "You will return him to us, Suzuka, or you will die trying. He belongs to us, not to the past, not to the future. _Us._ " Her eyes held no mercy as she unknowingly mimicked Shinji's tone, "Go."

+++++ 11th Angel + 11: Sunday (80)

 _Focus on the far trees,_ Rose drew a circle in the air. _Saturate them with as much water as possible! Better to have a risk of mudslides than burning the whole damn forest down._ Shooing Matarael off, she patted Sahaquiel on the wrist, _You're doing great. Keep thinning it out, just like you are. I promise, he'll be extremely happy you didn't allow him to hurt anyone._ Giving the titanic child an encouraging smile, she turned back to where Israfel Alpha and Israfel Beta were cooperating with Shamshel to ease the convulsions Shinji was suffering through as his powers fed off the negative emotions from his memories, _Talk to me ladies. How are we coming on warm and fuzzy feelings?_

 _I/We. Speak/Sing. HE. Doesn't. Hear/Listen._ Shamshel had both long tendrils wrapped around Shinji's torso, keeping the physical shell of their host from writhing on the ground.

 _It is something of a challenge,_ Alpha held firmly to his right arm.

Beta's grip on his left was no weaker, _I assure you, we are trying._

 _Let me know what I can offer for assistance,_ Rose sighed, raking her fingers through her hair. _We're all in this boat together, and I know we don't always get along but I'm trying to leave that in the past._

 _Keeping_ her _from touching our sister is plenty of assistance for now,_ Matarael urged on the way back towards the other side of the ring. _Poor Sahaquiel is terrified of her._ Pausing, he looked at the twins, _Sisters, please. The Great One loves this creature. Let us all work together, as he would urge us to._

 _Oh! Oh dear! Oh no!_ Sahaquiel came lumbering past, _No, no, tiny one. Don't push like that._ Holding her hands out, she created a pathway under the dome of her shield for the returning eternal, _Spear, please. Be cautious. I nearly didn't see you in time. He would punish me terribly for letting you be harmed._

 _We're grounding the lightning into natural ore deposits. It's not great, but it's better than letting him set the entire hillside on fire,_ Rose approached Suzuka without preamble, once more patting Sahaquiel on the wrist with a pleased smile. _Good job on getting the other woman away from here. We've managed to limit casualties in the local area to terrifying the animals and people instead of generating corpses, but we're running low on options to stop this._

"You are…." Doubting she would be heard over the constant roar of thunder, she shook her head, _You are cooperating?_

 _Partners. I am beginning to wonder if that word is insufficient to describe the concept I've been trying to get across to you people,_ the pink-skinned captain spread her arms and shrugged. _Regardless, now that you're here I have a use for you. Ladies, I need her to rest atop him. We're sending her in to find him and yank him back._

 _That is dangerous,_ both twins stated as one. _For him and for her._

 _I/We. Will/Can. Hold/Cradle._ One flowing tendril unwound from Shinji and reached out for Suzuka, _Prepare/Ready. Spear._

 _Thanks,_ Rose nodded her approval of the willingness to take a risk the androgynous being was displaying. _Ok, here's the plan. Relax like you're entering his soul, the twins here will instead guide you into his mind. You spend enough time during the day observing it, you should be familiar with its call. Just remember, what you see there isn't always real. Ok? The mind is a complex mechanism that generates believable delusions from the stimulus around it, when untethered like his is right now it can come up with anything it wants from what it's experienced. If you can believe it's something he'd come up with, work around it. If you can't, try and shatter it. Work him up for air, I'll be waiting here to yank you both out when he's come around._ She hesitated, _Just…this might tether us together. The way he and I are._

 _Do we have another option?_ Suzuka let herself be cradled and lifted to lay on Shinji's chest, _Be honest._

 _None that I can think of. This storm goes on much longer and we're going to lose containment._ Rose rubbed her face, _If I can come up with something, I'll have them evacuate you. If I can't…I hope you understand that I just want what's best for…for everyone._

 _As does he._ Reaching over to gently stroke Shamshel's tendril, she smiled, _Keep him safe before you worry for me, spirit. He matters far more than I ever will._

 _Close your eyes,_ the twins stated, _and think of His glory._

As the world around her quieted and went dark, Suzuka felt her body fall limp. There was no path for her but forward.

+++++ 11th Angel + 11: Sunday (80)

Consciousness came slowly, the warmth and contentment she felt urging her to not ruin the day by hastening leaving the bed. Her eyes felt heavier than they had in ages, her body like she did when forgoing a day of exercise. Slowly prying the eye furthest from the pillow open, Suzuka saw the gauzy curtains floating on the breeze drifting lazily through the window. Gentle sunlight and ocean scents followed, as did the tightening of an arm about her waist.

"Good morning, Suzi," Shinji's low rumble preceded his kissing the tip of her ear, just as she preferred. "Mmm…I wish we could stay like this today. I haven't had a night like that in far too long." His hand smoothed its way across her stomach, rising up to her chest to cup her gently, "We really should do what you prefer more often, I think I'm coming around to your way of thinking."

Memories of a night full of frantic passion filled her mind, "I'm…mmm." Her thoughts scattered as he squeezed her to his torso, "If you keep that up, dear heart, we might not leave this bed for a week."

"Is that supposed to be a threat of some form?" She felt his hips press against her, shifting a segment of his anatomy in a manner that she found distinctly appealing, "It's not very threatening if it is." His breathy whisper ruffled her hair, "Aisha and Melfina won't be home from their aunt's house for another hour…it's not long, but we could keep trying for a boy?"

Suzuka's blood ran cold, the perfection of the dream causing her heart to race.

"And this, Your Excellency, is why we don't typically send Lilin into minds unaccompanied." Ireul stepped into the room, clapping her hands and dispelling the dream. The Aspect of Terror looked around the now bleak void and frowned, "We have been chasing after His-" Catching Suzuka's full-armed slap easily, she sighed, "Are we _really_ going to do this?" Her lone eye was at once both unimpressed and unamused as it focused on her would-be assailant, "Honestly?"

Unsettled by the ease with which the Aspect prevented her attack, she still refused to back down, "Why, in his mind, would _you_ be here? You are not something I would imagine him eager to have strolling through his memories."

"We are cleaning His mind, Your Excellency," Ireul let go of the other woman's wrist and rolled her eye. "He does not want Us here. Either of us. However, He is being tormented by visions that fall within Our Realm. Terrors that have no place in His present reality." Gesturing off into the distance, she began to move, "If you wish to be of help, keep up. We cannot heal him and protect you at the same time."

Suzuka hurried after, her strides much longer than she thought possible in…looking down she noticed that she was wearing an outfit that was much more in line with what she'd seen one of the ladies from the recent horror films wear. Close cropped shorts and a cutoff shirt, though her sword remained at her side, "This is…unnatural."

"Riveting commentary," the Aspect rejoined. "Brace yourself, We-"

+++++ 11th Angel + 11: Sunday (80)

"No!" Shinji stood before her crumpled form, his arms spread and his stance ready to defend against an attack, "I will not let you hit her, Sensei." Gone was the mountain of a man, the titanic being that was crafted for war yet possessed a heart meant only for peace. "You're angry with me. It's my fault the dish broke." The waifish youth before her with his unruly black hair and bruised body appeared nothing like the man she knew.

Her limbs wouldn't respond, no matter how desperately she wanted to move, to flee, there was nothing she could do. The Great Darkness had told her that she was to take her punishment. If she moved, he would…he would prevent her and her love from ever reaching completion. "I-I'm o-ok, Shinji-kun. I-it d-doesn't h-hurt too m-much."

"Idiot child," a dismissive, contemptuous, backhand sent Shinji flying against the near wall. "I am punishing _her_ precisely because I am angered with _you_. It is clear you learn nothing from your own punishments. Perhaps her screams will stay longer in your mind?" Stepping down casually on her wrist, the shadowy being sent pain rolling up her arm as the bones crunched.

Biting down on her lip, and drawing blood, she tried to stifle the scream. If she screamed, it would only be worse. It hurt, though. It hurt so badly, and her mind begged her to try and move away from the pain. To let the pain know it was noticed, so that it would stop. That's how pain went away, and she just needed to- The shriek of agony escaped her, bouncing off the unadorned walls of the well-kept house.

"There. I want you to remember that sound, you idiot child. The next dish that is broken, I will-" A burbling cough tore from his throat as a neatly manicured set of nails appeared from the other side of his chest.

"Oh We do so tire of amateur theatrics." Clenching her hand into a fist, Ireul dismissed the shadowed memory of Shinji's youth. "Up, up. We have little time to waste." Floating over to Shinji, who was wavering dizzily following the painful head-first impact, she knelt down and sat primly before him, "Your Grace. As We had mentioned, Your little deer has come to help." Gesturing back to a mildly disoriented Suzuka, she smiled, "Do You remember her now?"

"S-Suzi?" Swallowing, he blinked several times trying to clear his vision, "I…w-what are you doing here?"

"Flailing about like a newborn," the eternal woman sighed, holding her head. "Is this how you appeared before the change?"

"It is how His Grace thinks of Himself," Ireul waved away the room, once more wrapping them in void. "At least, when He faces the demons of His past."

Shinji's image wavered, then solidified once more as the man she knew. Rolling his neck, he groaned, "How are we doing, Iri? Any luck in finding a way to be rid of the memories?"

"No," she shook her head regretfully. "Are you certain you wish to show your little deer? She may not approve."

"She'll understand," he stated confidently. Pushing himself up to his feet, he helped the Aspect stand with a smile, "She's a part of my soul. She won't betray me, and with enough time she'll reach an understanding with you." His breathing was labored as he placed a hand on Ireul's shoulder, "She has asked for some of my time, Suzi. She believes that she can…what was that again?"

"You are experiencing Night Terrors," the Aspect stated, keeping her eye on Suzuka's motions. "Something that falls well within my dominion. In exchange for him sleeping more often, so that I can-" His presence at her side vanished, "Of course…." Looking around, she seemed to listen to something only she heard, "Come, little deer. You seem to be good bait, if nothing else. Let us find what ails him."

"Explain what you were speaking of," Suzuka moved to keep pace. "His nightmares may be eased by your presence?"

"My Aspect is Terror, little deer." Ireul smiled with a dark passion, "His mind is an endless stream of everything I desire, but it torments him. That torment is the result of disorder, of chaos. There is only so long that his fears will wait before they simply drive him mad. I will grant him order, I will show him the most wonderous visions…in exchange for accepting my place at his side." Her one-eyed gaze was soft as she considered Suzuka, "Her Grace is a fortunate soul indeed. As are you, Your Excellency. I _may_ only ever dream of what you will one day taste in the waking world."

She blinked, surprised, "You would-"

The color-negative depiction of Rei sighed as her other compatriot vanished, "Of course…."

+++++ 11th Angel + 11: Sunday (80)

"Have you considered maybe pressing the pedal only _slightly_ down?" Shinji laughed from his position in the passenger side of the bench seat, his hand resting gently on her knee, "The car has various gears it will use, and this version is automatic. If you press the pedal just a bit, it will go nice and slow. We have all the time you need, there is no reason to rush this."

"Save for the fact that these accursed lessons are holding our dinner date hostage," Suzuka frowned cutely at him. "Each moment wasted in meandering about is one less moment I may spend on your lap as you feed me."

"We have plenty of time," he assured her. "I will give you just as much time if we finish six hours from now as I would if we finish in the next hour." His smile was the warm, hope-filled, version he often gave when he knew people were becoming angered, "I promise."

She eyed him sidelong, "…Our deal stands?"

"I will allow you to do whatever you want, so long as you make three laps around without hitting anything," he repeated. "Now," he gestured out the front windscreen, "press just a little, and remember to steer."

Taking a deep breath, she looked to where he had drawn her attention, and froze. Arrayed in two great lines framing their direction of travel, stretching around the entirety of what appeared to be an empty parking lot, were endless clones of the other members of her household. Dangling like marionettes, and as nude as the day they were born, they showed signs of grievous injuries that were clearly the result of her striking them with the heavy vehicle. Bloodied, broken, and weeping, they awaited her next attempt with open dread.

"You can do it," Shinji said encouragingly. "Just a little gas, we'll go slowly."

"I-I cannot!" Her grip tightened on the wheel, "I…I'll harm them. Shinji, what are you…?"

"Like this," slipping one foot over, he lightly pressed down on the top of hers, sending them forward. "Remember to steer, we don't want to go off course, do we?" His voice darkened, "Or do we? They _are_ in the way, aren't they?" Pressing down a little more firmly, his smile grew grim as she struggled to keep within the increasingly cramped space allotted. "Always demanding my time."

"Dear heart, stop, please!" Trying to free her foot, her leg wouldn't respond as she knew it was capable of, "Please! I can wait, I don't need-"

"Why wait?" Reaching over, he slid his hand up her leg, "We'll end up together eventually. May as well just start now and save everyone the time and wasted energy."

"Because anticipation is half of the fun," Ireul appeared suddenly from behind the seat and tapped the simulacra of Shinji's head, banishing it and the car around them. As Suzuka tumbled in an uncontrolled fall with the retained momentum of the now non-existent truck, the Aspect simply floated to a slow halt, "You know that this isn't real, little deer. Why would you allow it to control you?" Wiping away the rest of the vision, she looked around, "Whatever it is that's causing this clearly doesn't want you with him."

"Each…place, it seems so real," her right arm protested as she pressed herself up from the ground. "Is this how he sees the world?" Wincing as her body informed her of the price she'd paid for not controlling her mind, she accepted an offer of aid, "Twisted visions of what he knows others want? Everything going terribly because he's involved?"

"Yes," the Aspect answered with surprising sorrow. "Before you arrived, I experienced far worse." Slipping under the immortal warrior's good arm, she clasped around her waist, "I apologize, but we are no longer going to risk separating. Where you go, I go. He's authorized you knowing our secret, and I will honor his trust in you."

Suzuka smirked, "Is that why you no longer speak as some pompous bitch?"

"There is a degree of irony in your statement, Child," Ireul raised her eyebrow at her new ally. "I hope you appreciate that."

+++++ 11th Angel + 11: Sunday (80)

Noelle covered over Hikari and Tsuru, the two having finally given up staying awake and drifting off in each other's arms. "Sleep well, little ones. He'll be home afore the morn." She had her full complement of 'go pills', and would be perfectly alive and aware for at least another day if necessary, so the blonde pilot tackled the group's next problem, "Move again, and I'll remind ye why ye dinnae piss off a Scot."

Akane sat glowering at the door, her wrists and ankles restrained tightly with the belts intended to hold their robes closed. The agent had, more than once, attempted to sneak out while everyone was occupied. She learned fairly quickly that not only was Noelle never unaware when 'on duty', but that Hikari was surprisingly mobile when motivated enough. "I should be out there keeping him safe, Raffle. Not in here sitting on my can."

"The samurai wants ye t' stay, ye stay." Spinning the chair around, she sat upon it with her chest against the back and her arms crossed over the top, "Now. Talk. What happened downstairs that prompted all of this?"

"The innkeeper is the mother of the man who 'raised' him," Akane stated with a snarl. "Bitch knew what her son was like, and left Shinji to his tender mercies. I don't care if Shinji 'forgave' her, I'm going to cut the bitch."

"So are we blaming Shinji for his father?" Maya looked over, choosing to speak for the first time in hours, "Misato for her father?" Swinging her legs out of the bed she'd been pretending to sleep in, she stood and stamped her foot as she glared down at the agent, "When do we stop blaming people for the crimes of those they're related to? Every single person in this village knew, and they were all threatened into silence. Are we going to purge the village? Is that what Shinji would want? What about me and-"

"Easy, love," Noelle soothed Maya's arms. "Akane's just blowin' off steam, ain't nothin' personal." Still in her dress, she turned her shoulders coyly with an easy smile to draw attention back to her, "We're just markin' time until we can get home an' cuddle up. Y'know we'll all feel right as rain after a lie down."

"Maya," Kodama sleepily held up the blanket from where her housemate had been lying down with her, "come lay down. Nothing's going to be resolved right now, and picking a fight isn't going to help. And I'm cold."

"We love ye, lass," Noelle whispered, pushing the higher-ranking officer towards her bed. "Ye are nae in this alone, ye ken?"

Maya's face floated between haunted and worried, "I…I just…."

Sitting her down on the bed, Noelle leaned in and pressed a much fuller kiss to her lips than before, "We love ye, an' we all know ye did what ye could. Forgiveness will take time, since it's you what needs to do the forgivin'." Pressing her in towards Kodama, she received a sad smile from the nurse, "Sleep, love. The problem will still be there in the morn."

+++++ 11th Angel + 11: Sunday (80)

Both Aspect and immortal hobbled through the veil of shadow into the next destination. Hundreds, thousands, of nightmares great and small had assailed them on their journey, sparing nothing in their relentless assault on reason. With the two women staying connected, Shinji's mind was forced to focus on his past. They witnessed beatings both savage and minor, kindnesses crushed before his eyes, every manner of torture devised as he marched along the path towards his life as it was now. The worst of them all, and the surreality they had just left behind, his instructor brutally murdering his wives, had left Suzuka seething.

The world around them once more filled in, though not with the next in an endless string of hazards for them to stumble through. Sitting in the center of a twilit park was an exceptionally young-looking Shinji. Before him was a sandbox, behind him was an empty swing set. He stood, on seeing the two women, and hesitated for a moment before toddling over. At no more than three years of age, he couldn't move very fast, but he covered the ground enthusiastically.

Reaching the pair of women, he stopped and blinked, as if he was remembering something important. Bowing suddenly, he nearly toppled over forwards with the motion, "G'evening. My name Shinji." Standing back up, he looked expectantly, "You…play?"

"This…is him," Ireul frowned, confused. "Where are we?"

"Where I can grant him some modicum of peace, if only for a few moments." Standing to their side, appearing from nothing, was Nyx. "We've been waiting for you to fight your way here…haven't we sweetie?"

"There are!" Toddling over, Shinji hugged Nyx's leg enthusiastically. "Found'oo."

"That you did," smiling fondly, the Night Mother tousled his hair. "Now, take Miss Ireul and show her how to make a pyramid. You remember, right?"

"Peermid," he nodded. "Miss Iri?" Turning back, he smiled broadly, "Miss Iri play?"

"This is no lie, Child of Adam. I'm offering you a truce, before you do what you must." Nyx pushed Shinji towards the Aspect, "He is mine, and always will be. But he is not _solely_ mine."

Stomping big steps over to the darkened version of his fellow pilot, Shinji held out his hands, "Play?"

"I do not know the game, child," Ireul's lone eye cast a warning with that statement to Nyx, "but I'm certain you can teach me." Taking his hand, she walked slowly towards the sandbox, "Instead of a pyramid, how about we build something more daring?"

"'Ring?" The potential for something new caught in his mind, and the small child's excitement grew as he let himself be guided by the 'new woman'.

"This is the core of what he is," Nyx stated quietly once she and Suzuka stood alone. "A child, eager to learn, eager to please…lost and alone in a world that is far too big for him. He was never allowed to grow, never given the chance to experience his own life, and now? Now he's got all the world to build with, but only loneliness and sorrow as tools." The Second Angel looked over to the eternal woman and smiled, "He's about to take another step on the path to growing up."

"I despise you," Suzuka glared disdainfully.

"You would not be the only one who does," the weight of Creation was visible in her calm gaze. "I did not create the original path he walked. None of the trillions and trillions of Shinji Ikaris had a good life. Not one." Reaching out, she touched Suzuka's temple and showed her the proof.

Wincing, then whimpering, the willowy swordswoman witnessed in a few brief seconds the search for the one shining exemplar. The locus of all Creation, the key to unmaking and reshaping all of reality itself. Each childhood more horrifying than the last, each end sudden, violent, and without mercy. When, at last, the Shinji she recognized as hers was seen she had a burst of hope. His childhood was terrible, his few brief months with the Evas not much better, but there at the end he stood tall and refused to cower any longer. Spitting in the face of destiny, he struck forth to defend everyone.

Withdrawing the vision, Nyx steadied her captive audience, "When he began…mourning, if such a destructive force of nature can be said to do so, I came where I tend to when things become troubled for him." Slipping one arm around Suzuka's waist, she guided her towards the swings, "Here. To play with the child that never was."

"You…you visit him here?" It wasn't what she'd imagined from the typically lust-filled being.

"It might surprise you, child, but I _am_ a mother." Settling her student on the empty seat, she lightly set the swing into motion, "His never was one worth mentioning. Focused on the Evas, on creating a monument to mankind that would last beyond the dying of your star, she ignored the much simpler path to immortality." Her hand trailed out to where Shinji was giggling as he and a playful Ireul crafted a Penrose stair, "Him."

The swinging motion wasn't unpleasant, and she felt her aches fleeing as Nyx touched her hand on each pendular repetition, "You mean to say that he was always destined to…to end all life on Earth?"

"Change, not end." Allowing momentum to perform its duty, she sat down on the swing next to her companion, "Sometimes permanently, others temporarily. But always change. Not once did he do so with the help that would make the world better for each of my children, or even _some_ of my children. Alone, and filled with pain and remorse, he crafted terrible worlds where people were allowed to do what they would." Looking back to Suzuka, she lifted her eyebrow, "And I am a monster for attempting to stop that?"

Her frown became thoughtful, "…You would force him to kill, to seed your version of life where it already exists."

"No. I would not." She set herself swinging, "I would ask that they accept change, that they did not join with the Judges, and if they could not do those simple things only then would I erase them. _He_ will not lift a finger against them." Her voice grew quiet, "That will be my cross to bear." Letting her perfect legs trail out as she enjoyed the simple motion, she looked up to the skies beyond, "Is it so terrible to defend one's family? Am I so evil for not limiting the potential of my creations? I would even offer peace to the Judges, if they would unlock the damnable gates and explore beyond the boundaries!"

"It pretty!" Shinji's joyful cry was accompanied by him throwing his arms around Ireul's neck and kissing her messily on the cheek beneath the sealed-over eye, "Like yoo, Miss Iri!" Their creation rotated constantly, the non-Euclidean object manifesting its odd nature in the dreamscape and tickling his mind.

"I love him," Nyx grinned. "I love his passion. His desire to learn. To help. Of every Shinji Ikari, this sole…beautiful gem of a man was willing to look at someone who'd threatened him with pain and death and loss…and offer her peace." Her grin shifted to a grim resolve, "I will empty the cosmos for him. I will make the vastness of Creation recognize the greatness he contains," her eyes flicked back to Suzuka, "and I will share that greatness, with any who will help him find it."

Suzuka dragged her foot across the sand to slow herself, standing once she had control over her momentum, "You know I can stop you."

"Why do you think I held Ireul off until you came?" Nyx rolled backwards off the swing as it reached its forward apex, dismissing the entire assembly as she landed gently. "Of all of his brides, you are the one I fear the most. You can kill me. You can kill _him_. I'm not asking you to do anything special, or devious. I'm not asking that you convince him for me, or distract him. All I want, is for you to provide balance. The cunt with the spaceship pisses me off beyond any reasonable measure of the phrase." Her eyes grew hot, "I would tear that accursed bitch in half, if it wouldn't trigger a war he was not ready for." Clamping her eyelids shut, she grimaced, "But…that is not the path he'd want." Her gaze was steady once more as she looked back to Shinji dancing around the stairs they'd crafted, "That is not the path we will walk."

"…You want me to referee." The plan clicked into place, "To stop Rose from becoming too powerful in his mind, and to stop you from sabotaging yourself with your anger."

Immaculate lips curled in a telling smile, "You'd understand me best, wouldn't you, dear?" Keeping her vigil over her prize creation, she shrugged, "You've seen the end, without my path forward. The other alternative is taking everyone the bitch would allow on her ship and fleeing. Leaving the rest of mankind to die in flame."

She looked at the toddler, the tiny creature that would one day become a titan, "I won't hurt him, intentionally."

"Good. You might be able to kill me, but the reverse is true as well," Nyx' voice darkened, "and I am not a kindly god."

"You will _try_ to overcome your hatred," she added.

"…For him." It was a simple request, and it served both of their purposes.

Suzuka once more looked around the scene. The simplicity of the area making a gruesome sense. It wasn't so busy that it would change his core sense of self, nor so empty that it prevented happiness being sought. The small play structures that she created let him 'show off' for his 'mother', and allowed her to give him love and affection. The sandbox let him create, or destroy, as he would. Each individual piece served its purpose, allowing the one thing Nyx dreaded most of all to reign. This was stasis. "It's time for him to grow past Nagano."

"I'll miss this," the Angel's voice carried a sense of loss that beggared description. "He was all mine here. His last moments…his last moments will be with _her_." She lifted her chin, trying to will away tears that refused to leave, "Please…please tell him that his Lily loved him very, very much." Turning away, she vanished between two steps, the first sob ripping free.

Her charge had been laid at her feet, and for once Suzuka wanted to fail at a challenge. This young child, untouched, untainted by the great and terrible destiny before him had reached the end of its time. Class Leader, Husband, Duke, Pilot. Each title layered more and more upon his shoulders, and he could no longer afford to have this weakness dragging him down. Another burden to carry, another piece of his innocence excised so that the man within could become what everyone saw.

Walking slowly over, she put herself in the position Nyx had abandoned. This was _her_ Shinji. His end would be one of joy, not sadness. Settling on her knees, she smiled kindly, "Come, child. I would enjoy a hug."

"Hugga!" Rumbling over, legs and arms pumping, he bumped into her side with all of the weight a three-year-old could muster. Tiny arms and tinier hands gripped her waist and exuded a warmth and love that could only have been taught through the same.

"She sheltered this," Ireul's voice was sedate, contemplative, as a tear floated down her cheek unnoticed. "All of the evils we saw, the terrors in his mind. She created a tiny pocket of hope that lasted long enough for him to find his own feet. Even as he failed at processing his traumas, as he denied himself understanding of his past, she kept the seed of his future from falling prey to its darkness."

Stroking his hair, Suzuka basked in the love he beamed up at her with his cheesy grin, "His Lily loved him so very, very much."

"Lily pretty! Like Miss Iri, an' Miss Suzi," he nodded happily. "I love Lily!" He looked around, "Where Lily go?"

"Just one moment, and you will be with her forever, dear heart." Reaching out, she took Ireul's hand, "You will frolic evermore in her memory, I swear."

The Aspect of Terror understood her part, and with a feather-light touch plucked his light from the protection of Lilith's grace before his attention wandered. "Hail, Dear Child…and farewell."

As the LCL soaked into the sand, spreading out amongst the entirety of Shinji's being, both Aspect and Immortal joined the Night Mother in lamenting the death of innocence.

+++++ Author's Notes

Starfire99: RE: Fusion dance.

That reality, and all other realities, ceased to exist when Shinji was pulled into the reality of this story. Their memories, their knowledge, exist through Lilith/Lily/Nyx and remain accessible to those with the ability to grasp onto them. There might be other ways for people to access them, for a price.

TTrunks: RE: Broken characters.

When writing there are always multiple ways to go about characterization. There's the 'Character as Ideal', where they exemplify specific traits and show the best (or worst) of those traits off for the audience. There's the 'Character as Surrogate', where their characterization is kept bland so that the audience can project themselves onto them. There's many more, but my point is that I like to write 'Character as Grounded', where characters have flaws, and strengths, and not only learn from but make mistakes. Some people will be irredeemable, because they don't desire redemption. Others will try to be redeemed but come up short. Life isn't fair, it just _is_.

As an aside, Asuka is probably one of the most misunderstood characters in NGE, in my opinion. The reasons for her being who and what she was often go ignored because of either Waifu Wars or people projecting their own problems onto her. We've all known that one young woman that was filled with pride and demanded the world bow down to them. Asuka brings about her own downfall, but she's helped on the way down, like every other character in NGE, by not speaking truthfully to anyone around her.

origamishishou: RE: Death and taxes (and this joke).

Some things are inevitable. Even worse, though, are the things that were avoidable for those left to pick up the pieces.


	93. Chapter 93

+++++ 11th Angel + 11: Sunday (80)

Shinji carried Suzuka's unconscious form into the hotel, a sense of peace that he couldn't describe carrying him onward. The world was a terrible, terrifying, place…but it suddenly made sense to him. He had thanked Rose, and those Aspects that had aided him. Ireul had begged for time before they spoke, something clearly bothering the normally poised eternal. Nyx was nowhere to be found, and the former Eleventh Angel had asked that he give the Night Mother time as well. Through it all, Suzuka slept. The long walk home was one of contemplation, and as such he was glad that nobody had seen the path he'd taken. After all, explaining the thunderstorm wouldn't be easy, and if he wasn't associated it wouldn't be necessary.

Sliding the door to the room quietly open, he found Noelle playing solitaire with everyone else passed out cold. The blonde leapt up, moving to pull aside the sheets of the third bed so that Shinji could place the woman in his arms somewhere better than the floor. Once she covered her over, the pilot shoved him out of the room into the hallway, closing the door and punching him in the gut. "Ye asshole!"

Knowing that the strike had hurt his friend far more than it could have hurt him, he winced and reached for her hand, "Careful…please. I'm sorry I scared you, but you're just going to hurt yourself, Raffle."

"Don't ye 'Raffle' me, you." Pulling him down by his hair, she kissed him thoroughly. Dropping back to her heels, she glared up at him with a mix of relief and annoyance, "A lass wears a dress for ye, ye comment on how bonnie she looks, or she may no wear a dress again."

Biting his lower lip, Shinji realized that he had in fact erred. He was so focused on why Maya wasn't responding that he let the actions of the woman before him go without mentioning. Dropping to both knees, he placed himself in dogeza and lowered his head, "My apologies, Noelle. Your normal beauty is such that any clothing you choose to wear is shadowed by its bright glory, but that is no excuse for my poor manners in not sparing even a modest comment regarding your efforts. I will reflect on my failure so that I do not repeat such a grievous mistake."

When she pushed his torso upright, hugging his head against her chest, he found that she was shivering. "Ye frightened me, Shinji. Ye went where I couldnae go. Please…."

"I needed to," she smelled of engine oil and heather. "I needed to…face something I was immensely afraid of." Gently tugging her free so he could offer her a smile, he rubbed her shoulder, "Thank you for keeping watch over everyone. It helps knowing that I'm able to leave people in the hands of someone as capable as you."

"Don't ye try an' butter me up," she frowned at him, relief and fear working through her eyes. "Yer in the dog house." Hefting him up, or at least attempting to, she tilted her head towards the room, "Play a few hands with me while we wait for people to wake. We'll see if ye cannae earn some forgiveness."

+++++ 11th Angel + 11: Sunday (80)

Shinji spent several hours learning how much could be said without speaking a single word. While surrounded by sleeping friends and family, he watched as Noelle worked herself back down from what in any other woman might have been a frantic panic attack. The sense of peace continued in his mind, the anger he'd felt at knowing that another Shinji Ikari had to die for him to take his place in the world faded the more he thought on the matter. He was one Shinji, of uncountable Shinjis, just as the woman playing with him was one Noelle, of countless others. There could only be one at any time, and he could just as easily have died to make room for the fallen in this world. He was unimportant, and yet he was the most important man to ever exist. His life, the lives of all of the women surrounding him, were the only ones they'd ever have.

Every thought that he had was read by his fellow pilot, which would have cost him dearly had he been playing for anything but a smile at the end of a hand, and Noelle calmed as he did. She could see that he hadn't settled whatever he had experienced, but that the effects of the experience were a net positive. He was contemplative, not in shock. Grinning with apology, not to hide pain. Watching him was peaceful, and she wished dearly that the world would stop slapping him long enough that he could enjoy that peace himself.

The rustle of a blanket was all the warning he had before Hikari collided with him, spinning so that she sat astride his lap with her legs clenched to his and her hands full of his hair. His wife did not care if anyone in the room was awoken by her kissing him, nor if anyone else in the room wished to have an opportunity to do the same. She had seen far too many paths that led to misery and suffering, and few included him sitting as he was.

"Can I be untied now?" Akane shifted her posture, fatigue and irritation written across her face, "He's here. I doubt he'll let me do anything."

It took Shinji three attempts to free his face enough to talk, "Hik-" Another last kiss was apparently on order, and he pried her off after giving it due attention, "Hikari, I need to speak."

"You need to help your wife," the freckle-faced beauty whispered. "Maya is not handling the tragedy in America well at all, and you do not know the full scale of it. When we return home, there will be little time to grieve. She needs to start on the road to recovery now, and that means you giving in to her desires. Take her to the baths, we will guard the approach. Fill her mind with something other than the crushing press of a failure she is not guilty of." Slipping off his lap, she urged him to stand, "Go." Pointing to Akane, she urged Noelle into motion, "Untie her. We need to give my husband and wife some time to talk in the baths." Pushing lightly on Shinji's back, she hushed Tsuru as the young woman slowly awoke herself, "Pick her up, Shinji. Go."

Unwrapping Maya from the sheet was simple enough, and he had her in his arms and in motion towards the door before she blinked fully awake. _Sorry for waking you. Hikari says we need to talk some._ Ducking back through the door, carrying a different woman than the one he'd entered with, Shinji moved quietly towards the baths. He felt Noelle and Akane's songs behind him, Hikari apparently staying in the room for one reason or another.

Not struggling in the slightest, the elder of his two wives looked around with a sense of dissonant confusion, _Shinji…we could talk in the room. Where are we going?_ Blinking, she rubbed her eyes to try and wake up enough to protest, _Pup, where are we going?_

 _The baths. I'm having a hard time staying clean,_ he held her tight to his chest. _Apparently this whole time we thought that it would be Nozomi causing laundry issues, but no. I'm apparently a giant man-child that can't stay away from mud and leaves._ The listless, hollow, nature of her song gave credence to Hikari's plan. He felt wonderful after his younger wife had allowed him to serve her, his drive and energy restored. Whatever it was, beyond the deeply unfortunate loss, that was grinding away at Maya he needed to shower her with love to reassert the rightness of the world. _And since I'm dirty, I want you to clean me._

She caught sight of Noelle and Akane positioning themselves by the last doors anyone would use before reaching the men's baths, as Shinji turned around to shoulder the door open without clanging her head against anything she whispered mentally, _Uhm…these are the men's-_

 _Do you expect me to go into the women's baths?_ Kicking the door closed again, he set her on her feet, "If I go in there, there is a one hundred percent chance that somehow I will end up with another wife and or girlfriend. Let's be perfectly honest with each other here, Kitten, it's safer in here."

Maya blinked, remembering Nyx' touch, "K-Kitten?"

"Yes." Taking his time in undoing her buttons, he smiled, "If I'm your Pup…you get to be my Kitten." Trying to psych himself up, he brought to mind the discussion several days past. Where she preferred being submissive, where she needed to feel controlled. It wasn't anything he was comfortable doing, but if Hikari felt that he needed to give in to her desires, if that would bring her back from whatever abyss she was staring into, he would do it. "You see," pulling off her dress with a firm tug, he left her standing in only her underclothes, her hands twitching between covering herself and touching him, "I had the…misfortune, in a previous life, to watch a movie with Kensuke and Toji. It was an imported…." He forced himself to remain dominant, "It was an American film." _Close enough._ "Called, 'Sex Kittens Twenty-Three'."

Maya swallowed, sleep and confusion wearing off though sorrow remained constant, "You watched a porno?"

"Shh," he touched her lips with a fingertip, "I'm speaking." Walking behind her, he began slowly undoing her bra, "In this film, and I really am just now remembering this, was a Japanese-American young woman that had short brown hair," he let the cloth fall to the ground, "and the most oddly colored eyes." Slipping his hands along her front, he leaned in and whispered, "They were grey." Feeling her shudder, and hoping that it wasn't in revulsion, he pressed forward with his plan and walked back around before her, "You see…I remember thinking at the time that she looked a bit like you. I remember thinking, as I watched her _pretend_ to enjoy what another woman was doing, that I should feel ashamed of imagining you," her eyes were nervous, but curiosity built in her song, "wrapped around _me_ instead." Sitting down on the bench, he rested his arms atop the low wall behind him, "I'd rather stop imagining. Be a dear and help me with my pants."

He could tell she knew he was incredibly uncomfortable, that acting was never going to be in his future. She did, however, throw herself into the role he'd cast her in with an enthusiasm that pushed away her dread for a time.

+++++ 11th Angel + 11: Sunday (80)

"You're sure he's ok?" Kodama set out clothes for Maya, far too awake to sleep anymore now that she knew Shinji had returned and apparently was in a better state emotionally. "I mean, long term trauma doesn't just go away after one good night's sleep."

"There is more to it than I feel comfortable discussing without him present," Suzuka stated quietly, a small smile playing at the corners of her lips. She could feel everything Shinji and Maya were doing, her hopes that she might soon be where his wife was now a pleasant diversion from the crushing memory of a young boy's final moments. "He will need time, that is true. As will we all, once all is said and done."

"I trust her assessment, Koko," Hikari was piecing together an outfit for her husband, attempting to position him to break hearts. "Suzuka knows her business, and understands how uncomfortable I can make her life if she risks his health without a good reason." Holding up two of the ties for Shinji's hair, she looked to Tsuru, "Black, or green?"

"What are you planning on wearing?" The poor night's sleep showed on the future chemist's face, her normally tanned complexion paler, "Shouldn't he highlight whatever color you went with?" Handing a cup of tea to Suzuka, she smiled in hopes of winning favor with someone Shinji clearly held in high regard, "Plain, as you requested, Suzuka-san."

"Thank you, child," the eternal warrior inclined her head politely. She was well aware of the teenager's intentions, and saw nothing wrong in the time-honored tradition of serving your target's elders to curry regard, "Hikari may prefer to stand alone, she is her own woman, despite being wrapped around his finger."

"He asks us all to stand on our own two feet," Hikari declared. "He will lift us up as high as we wish to climb, and each of us will judge the efforts of those he lifts up. We can't allow complacency, after all; our best may never be enough to save him…." Shaking off the thought, she shook the two ribbons, "Black or green?"

+++++ 11th Angel + 11: Sunday (80)

Breathing heavily, Maya worked her jaw. She'd drawn blood biting down on the space between shoulder and neck, she could taste it, but there was no other options available to stop her from informing the neighborhood, "I'm…sorry." Running her fingers along the skin as it healed, she looked up, "We should stop."

"Why?" It felt wonderful to hold her, to feel her song ring out with joy once again, "It hasn't been _that_ long. Am I hurting you?"

"Because…because you might not-"

Once more silencing her with a feather-light touch across her lips, he shook his head, "I will always love you. You tried your hardest, thought of every way to let them know without tipping your hand, you are _not_ a failure. If you lock up a rifle, put the bullets in another safe, and someone picks both locks and shoots themselves, you can't be blamed for their determination to kill themselves! You can't destroy the Evas, you can't hide them away, we just don't have that power. Mankind is determined to find ways to kill itself…and we can't spend our lives stopping them all."

"Pup…I should have tried harder." She hesitated, wanting to just tell him that someone he'd admired, perhaps even loved, was now dead. "I could have sacrificed myself, told them about the future we know exists. I could have let them lock me away, and it would have saved _thousands_."

"And it would have killed Hikari. It would have killed Nozomi. I would be walking around free, knowing that someone I love was being tortured without any guarantee that someone else would have stopped doing what they did to cause this accident. Do you think that's a world I would fight for? What happens when this base is destroyed anyway, hmm? Do you think I just sit back and let them keep you? Or do I threaten everyone? You remember what happened after the Thirteenth, you remember what I did. That was for Toji." He kissed her deeply, ignoring the blood on her lips, _What would I do for you, Kitten? How safe do you believe this world is, if someone takes something that belongs to me?_

 _I killed Idunn._ She felt his body clench; his lips freeze in place. In that one moment, she felt more fear than at any point in her life, that he might not ever love her again. That he might never-

"She…went to find Toji," Shinji pieced the missing parts together. "Of course, they'd have targeted the bases in America. That's where Unit-03 was from." Sitting back, he pulled her with him, cradling her in his arms, "Send their best to try and find the boy they let be taken. It's…a sound strategy…and a terrible tragedy." Loosening up, he slowly stroked her back, "And why, despite me not being anywhere near as capable as you of rationalizing the logical end of every argument you can make about warning people…you were still pummeling yourself. She's not your fault. But it does mean that we need to get home. We need to be there for Thor and Jorth. We need to do what we can for General Benoit, for her fellow agents. I'll talk to Raffle on the flight home. We can manage this."

"I could have saved her," Maya gripped his shoulders, shaking him as much as she could with the weight differential. "Shinji, I-"

"No," he shook his head sadly, cupping her head and placing it at his neck. "She was doing her job, she would not have let you stop her from seeking justice." Rocking her slowly, he began to hum. There was no power behind his song, he knew it wouldn't touch her, he simply put his heart into the tune and shared his hopes with the woman he loved. Sometimes, death was unavoidable. Sometimes your best wouldn't be enough. It wasn't the end of everything. Tomorrow was another chance for them to try again. He needed to believe that. He needed that to be true. If it wasn't…if he had failed someone….

Crying quietly, little by little allowing herself to let go, she began to accept his truths. It wouldn't change how she hurt, but it reminded her that she was not alone in hurting.

+++++ 11th Angel + 11: Sunday (80)

"To be honest, Tomo," Shinji shrugged during breakfast, "it's not every day you find your own grave. It was certainly a…well, an experience." Sitting with Maya to his right and Tsuru to his left, he paid careful attention to how he moved so that the cameras would pick up on him favoring his wife, "You can only imagine what the sight did to my poor wives."

"I am sorry to have your visit disturbed like that, Shinji," the wiry farmer stated with complete sincerity. "A sleepless night with a thunderstorm like that is nothing less than we deserve for our complacency during your…youth? First life?"

"My time in Nagano," the Third Child waved away the concern. "I am no longer that man. The perpetrator is no longer among the living. I have a much better life, and the possibility to make life better for many more people." Hugging Maya to his side, he set his head atop hers and kissed her hair gently, "I have a chance to be a father, to bring good acts into the world." Letting her go when she batted at his chest for rumpling her dress, he chuckled then looked over to where Suzuka and Hikari were conferring with Kodama. When the eternal woman looked up, feeling his gaze on her, he let his smile fade, "I _survived_."

The way his Spear's face fought against a smile was endearing, though her words remained the same even balance they would ever be in public, "The past is a maze with but one path out, Your Grace. We move ever forward, we learn from what has come before, and we fight for what is yet to arrive." _Hikari needs you to give the cameras something to work with in regards to the child at your left, dear heart. She says that it is important, and has asked me to convey as much._

 _I'm ok, Shinji. I'm feeling better after this morning's talk,_ Maya patted his arm, "Listen to Her Excellency, Pup. She knows more than either of us, in this matter."

Looking down to his left, he noticed Tsuru fidgeting, an internal debate of some form going through the young woman's mind, "Have you given any thought to the karaoke outing, Tsuru? You clearly have some talent, after hearing you sing with the children in the grade school."

"Oh!" Startled at being addressed so suddenly, her hands fluttered through four different thoughts before her social anxiety relaxed enough for her to speak, "I-I'd love to. I was…uhm…."

 _Tell her to ask, Pup. Hikari has her reasons, we have to trust them._ Maya bumped his knee with hers, urging him to close the gap between himself and the 'new' girl.

"If you don't ask, I can't say anything," he tried to sound 'firm', but came off as cautious. "Would…it help if we took a walk? Is this something you don't feel comfortable asking in front of everyone?"

"I think that's a great idea," Hikari said with the kind of smile she used to encourage students to seek their own resolutions before involving authority. "I'd like to have a few moments of Mitsuishi-san's time, about what you three spoke of yesterday."

 _I'm going to bring her into this…mental chat channel or whatever you want to call it,_ Shinji stated, standing. _If I'm going to have no time to decide things for myself, I at least want to know_ why _I don't have time._ "Why don't we walk back to your home, Tsuru? I'd like to check on your sister, and make sure she's getting what she needs." Offering his classmate a hand in gaining her own feet, he inclined his head to his host, "With your permission, of course, sir."

"My home will ever be yours, my friend." Tomokazu held his hands out slightly, "As a sanctuary, or simply as a place to discuss the spirits. The gifts you have given me deserve nothing less. Take your time, we've freed up a great deal of time today before you leave so that you can explore as you would. Pumpkin, make certain Mo-chan minds her manners."

"Yes, Da," the answer was the picture of a dutiful daughter who had no need to hear the obvious responding to the father she adored yet felt had a penchant for stating the obvious to hear his own voice. Starting slightly when Shinji softly took her hand and placed it on his elbow, she forgot all about the table and those upon it as she looked up into the gentle smile of a man that had called her 'intelligent' instead of 'slow', 'breathtaking' instead of 'too tall', 'good hearted' instead of 'a suck up'. Blushing, she looked over to Hikari to apologize, only to find a subtle nod of encouragement from her peer instead of a glare of condemnation.

"It's this way, right?" Shinji gestured in the anticipated direction of travel, starting them in motion at a pace that would allow her to not have to 'race' to keep up with his larger strides, "I have to say, your house is nice. Whoever built it clearly meant for it to last, and the amount of upkeep done shows that your family cares about the little details." Smirking, he laughed, "I've noticed recently that it's those little details that sneak up on everyone."

"My Ma used to say, 'A home is like a body. Neglect the outside and the inside suffers. Neglect the inside and no paint will cover over the decay as it spreads'." Her heart settled, the memory of her mother's other admonitions giving her strength, "I've tried to keep the room I'm renting clean and tidy, but the family I'm renting from don't do a great deal of maintenance. It's hard to balance homework, housework, and working out. I don't know how you manage to do everything you do."

"Yes you do," Shinji smiled. "You've met them all. Kelly-san speaks to the 'outside' people that need to discuss things with me, most of which are incredibly boring and I don't mention because I like being around people who are conscious and not snoring. Hikari keeps me from forgetting those people on the 'inside', the little details that I might miss or the stories that I wasn't around for. Maya keeps track of my work life, which I can't really go into here, I'm sorry."

"It's no worry at all," she assured him hastily. "It's all important things that are over my head."

"No," he disagreed with a light squeeze of her hand. "You would understand it, I have no doubt. But classifications require that I don't share with anyone that hasn't been read-on for it. Err," he laughed, "hasn't signed the forms and sworn an oath they wouldn't divulge secrets to anyone else, is what 'read-on' means. Sorry."

The way he treated her, the calm manner in which he complimented her, each small thing he took note of and nudged just so, everything provoked her into action, "Can…I trust you, then? If you're keeping those secrets, can you keep mine too?"

"Yes," he answered slowly, "though are you certain you want to share them? If they're secrets…they may not be meant to be shared with someone you barely know."

She didn't want to lose her nerve, he'd already shown her so many amazing things, she could show him something odd, she could trust him. "It's…kind of related to you, so I'd feel better if you knew."

Setting them onto the main road to her house, he felt a sudden whimsical notion that another 'Shinji' may have walked her home in just such a manner in another life, "If you feel it's important enough."

"My…my Ma could…she could see the spirits." With the cork pulled, the rest of the bottle emptied rapidly, "Not that I expect you to believe me, not without proof, but she always said that she could see them floating about and changing things. She saw their anger, and their sadness. One day, when we were really young, she took us to a festival. Mo-chan was really tired, and Da was holding her while she fussed before finally going to sleep, but I was so busy being entranced by the stalls and the smells, and suddenly…my Ma pointed over to this car."

Shinji could see the action in his head, the memory of a mother seeming suddenly very worried while holding the hand of a cute girl bouncing on her toes, her husband holding a small child, "She…asked him to go find a policeman."

"She said that the spirits were trying to pull open the door, that…that you shouldn't be in there." Her hands gripped tighter, "That you were going to die." Holding onto his arm as if he would disappear, she pressed on with the rest of the story, "She was heartbroken that the policeman wouldn't break open the window. That you sat there, cowering away from the door as the policeman urged you to just unlock it for him." Her voice became weak, "She never forgave Da for not taking your, uhm, your Sensei out behind the woodshed."

"I'm glad he didn't," Shinji snorted a laugh. "It saved your lives." _What spirits would know of my torment? Are there any around here that…that regarded me fondly? I should ask…later._ "My life was meant to be as it is, Tsuru. Everything, large and small, that came before led up to me standing before Unit-01 when the Third Angel showed up. You change one small thing, and everything… _everything_ changes. Still," he smiled, "I should pay my respects to your mother for giving me a memory to hold onto during some of the…worse moments. Knowing that people cared…helped."

"So, you believe me?" There was hope in that question, and fear.

"Of course I do. Here, we're coming up on the spring. Let me show you something, a 'secret' for a 'secret'," _Sachiel, when I say 'Now', would you kindly cause a small spurt of water to rise up? She's trusted us with something, it wouldn't hurt to do the same._ "You see the water? How it's settled down?"

She nodded, "Yes, it was really something last night, wasn't it?"

"I can speak to some spirits, of a sort, myself. Watch the water… _now_." A jet of water burst upwards, sending a fine mist past the two travelers as it descended again, "I ask, they help. But only in certain things."

"Like the lightning last night," she smiled in awe. "Or like the way you ran so fast. It's not you? It's these spirits?"

"A little of both," he waggled his hand. "They're a part of me, but they're also independent when I agree for them to be."

"Then you _are_ holy," the statement had the air of prayer about it.

Hesitation and caution asked for him to speak up, "I wouldn't-"

Pulling him to a stop at the eave to her childhood home, she looked up at him with a different sort of passion than he was used to, "When Hikari told me your name was also 'Paladin', I did some looking. You are a holy warrior, sent by the spirits to defend mankind when we need it the most! You…you're gathering disciples. People who will take your wisdom and share it with the world!"

"I _really_ wouldn't-"

"Ma told me that one day you would ask for my help, that I needed to do whatever I could to help you." Her eyes were alight with fervent determination, "That the spirits around us wept for you. She…she was delirious with cancer, and I really didn't believe her. I shouldn't have doubted, I _shouldn't_ have doubted her." Her jaw worked as hesitation returned, "May…may I…oh, fuck it." Standing on her toes, she pulled him down into a kiss that reminded him how little experience someone who's never dated would have in the art. It was awkward, it was passionate, it was greedy and hungry and in front of a dozen cameras that had followed along on the journey. Landing back on her heels, she looked up at him, "Ma also said that a farm girl has to know when to stake a claim."

"Sissy?" A tiny voice spoke from just inside the door of the house, "It's…oh!"

Already worried and nervous, Shinji was primed to bolt in any direction necessary to not appear on camera as if he were cheating on his wives. Their plans and ideas were wonderful, but he'd just given the impression of a man that was walking a young lady home for _other_ reasons than because she wanted to talk. When he saw Moriko's foot slip, he slid into place to catch her and keep her from striking anything, "Careful! Careful, Mo-chan."

He could feel her trembling, her voice providing a matching accompaniment, "I-I didn't m-mean t-to-"

"Shh, shh, shh," _I owe you such a debt, child._ "I'm not angry, not at all." Speaking with just enough volume to be heard by everyone, he sat down on the stoop and placed her on his lap, "We came here to make sure you were doing ok. I've been worried about you ever since we had that unfortunate trip down the river. Are you feeling ok?"

Looking rapidly between Shinji and Tsuru, she was clearly nervous with the situation she'd found herself in, "I-I am Y-Your-"

"No, no," he settled his own nerves, as their jangling couldn't have helped hers. "You were just fine yesterday, Mo-chan. If you'd like, 'Nii-san' is fine, or even just Shinji. Can I ask you a question, though?" Her eyes shot back to her sister, receiving a calm, encouraging, nod. When she looked back to him, she gave a small nod as well. _I can fix this._ "Your stammer, it must make it really hard to talk to people without feeling silly. How long have you had it?"

"I-I've a-always," swallowing, she closed her eyes and seemed to speak a litany under her breath.

"When she gets nervous, or excited, it comes out." Tsuru took a seat nearby and stroked her sister's head gently, smiling encouragingly at the little girl she clearly held dearly in her heart, "Guess what, Mushroom?" Pointing to Shinji, she lowered her voice to the 'secret sharing volume', "Shinji-kun has the same problem."

Doubt was the first emotion displayed, followed by caution, then wonder, "Y-You do?"

"My whole life," he nodded, as if it were a normal occurrence. "When I first met your sister, it was really bad. I was in a new place, with new people curious about me, and it was my first day in high school. I was a nervous wreck. I'm surprised I managed to get a single word out correctly."

Neither of the people before her were someone she would consider a 'liar', and so she let that emotion trail off into the wind, "B-But you s-speak normal?"

"…Would you like to, as well?" _Israfel, is it possible? Please let it be possible._

Twin Aspects landed at his sides, speaking as one, _Of course. What is Poetry or Music but flawless communication? This is a simple matter, and one we could have fixed within you had you any desire to._

"Shinji," Tsuru's eyes held such hope as to drown anyone gazing within the seas the orbs contained, "are you…."

"Only if she wants," he braced himself to act, the Song not one he was familiar with. "There's nothing wrong with having a stammer. I feel mine is embarrassing, and irritating, but some truly wonderful people have told me that it's a part of me. Like my hair, or my eyes."

"I-I hate i-it," Moriko spat out. "Th-the other s-students c-call m-me M-Mumbles M-Moriko. C-Can N-Nii-san f-fix it? R-Really?"

"As you wish." _Ladies…please._ Taking a deep breath, Shinji let go of his constraints. The Song that he summoned had no words, for it reduced the concept of communication to its purest form. The emotions, the thoughts, the _soul_ of what he wished to share with the little lady in his arms was distilled into a flowing stream of consciousness. For over nine minutes he entertained and healed, the cameras capturing everything.

Golden and silver hands cupped the intended recipient's head, bathing her in an aura that only Shinji witnessed. Concepts were expressed that contained no equivalents in any mortal tongue, though each was articulated with an undeniable beauty that slowly brought tears of joy to each person blessed to hear them. Dark tufts of imperfections were coaxed from within her head, burnt to ash with each gentle caress.

As the song faded, and Shinji breathed in to speak, his own thoughts were pre-empted by a raucous applause from the news agency staff assembled nearby. Settling instead for a simple grin, he winked at his 'patient', and waited for her to decide whether or not to give voice to her thoughts.

"I don't feel…different," her eyes fluttered, the anticipated mangling of words not taking place. "I'm not…I'm…." Breaking into tears, she launched herself at Shinji. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she bawled her gratitude to the man that had saved her life, then come back to give her even more.

"There, there," he sighed, continuing the day's trend and rocking yet another person bawling against his chest back and forth. "No need to thank me, Mo-chan."

"Mushroom!" She cried out with the kind of earnest sincerity that only children are capable of, "My name is Mushroom!"

"Oh," he laughed, the declaration far too powerful for such an odd statement. "Well, then there's no need to thank me, Mushroom. I'm just glad I could help."

+++++ 11th Angel + 11: Sunday (80)

"Well, son," the town doctor was somewhere between ninety and a thousand years old, and Shinji was grateful that the man didn't care a whit for titles, "I'd like to know how you do the things you do, but I'll settle for thanking you for doing them." Patting Moriko gently on the shoulder, he handed her a small piece of ginger candy for being a good patient, "Neurological issues aren't something that most of us ever see resolved. You ever consider taking up a career as a doctor? Could put people like me out of business."

"I'd tear off my own arm if it meant I didn't have to fight another Angel, sir." Shinji had to crouch slightly to fit inside the Mitsuishi-Morimoto house without fearing for his head, but he didn't want the discussion to be overheard by the cameras, "Unfortunately, a good friend of mine tells me the enemy gets a vote too."

"All too true, son. All too true." Giving a practiced smile to his patient, he waved, "I'll see you again in another few days Moriko-chan. Tsuru-chan, please ask your grandfather to make sure she gets some beef with her dinner," he raised his hand, "I know it's expensive, but it's for her health."

"I'll cover the expense," Shinji reached down for his wallet, pulling out the money he'd exchanged the sodden notes from his river trip for. "What are the prices around here?"

"No, no," Tsuru reacted as her father would expect.

The doctor, however, spoke over her, "The kind I'd recommend is probably around one hundred thousand a kilogram."

Shinji nodded, sorting out the money he'd give, "So, three days? Four? How much is too much?"

"Shinji-kun," she tried again to intervene.

"Four would probably be enough," the doctor rocked his hand. "Three, at the least, but a good week of high protein and nutrients would go a long way to preventing further complications with her constitution."

"I have more than enough, then," Shinji set the money down on the table, placing one of the heavy coasters over it to stop it from flying away in a breeze.

Her hands were bunched next to her stomach in the manner she tended to when anxious, "My Da-"

"Child," the doctor turned to her with a sigh, "when His Grace chooses to share his wealth, the proper response is 'Thank you, Your Grace.' Perhaps, should you be close enough, a hug." His eyebrow raised archly, "I shouldn't have to teach manners to the girl who spent her entire youth teaching manners to her fellow students."

"Mushroom," Shinji crouched down onto his haunches, trying to get as close to the young girl's level as he could, "can I trust you to make sure your honored grandfather sees the money and to call the doctor for him if he has any questions?"

"I'll tell him, Nii-san," she nodded eagerly, pleased to be given an important task from the man responsible for her still existing on the mortal coil. "I will, I promise!"

"Thank you," rubbing her head, he stood back up, "Doctor, I trust that you will help me impress upon their honored grandfather my expectations?"

"I was wondering how you got to be a noble," the old man laughed. "You just hide it until it's necessary. That's good. I'll talk to Akira-kun, make sure he understands that this isn't you being extravagant, don't you worry." Moving towards the door, he nodded in thanks as Shinji held it open for him.

After seeing the doctor on his way and being certain the door was firmly shut so the news crews wouldn't hear, Shinji turned back to a still-pensive young woman and tilted his head, "So are you staking a claim, Tsuru, or are you just someone I know?" _I have to be firm. I can't spare her feelings, not if something this simple causes her to lose her calm._ "Because you know me well enough to know that even someone I just know is going to receive help. My friends will receive even more. Someone who supposedly has a claim on me? I'll burn the world down for them." His hand gripped one of the overhead beams, more for a reminder that it was close to his head than to make a point, but it still caused a small creak to sound through the room, " _Nothing_ is too expensive or too difficult, too big or too small. I expect that from everyone in my house, from Nozomi-chan and Sakura-chan up to Suzuka-san or Noelle-san."

"Shinji…this is," she tried to explain a lifetime of training to someone she knew had gone through even worse. Each argument died quickly as his past was filled with more suffering than she could sensibly express understanding of. Watching her start and stop reminded Shinji all too much of the times he'd been in such a position himself.

"Let me see if I can help you understand," he rubbed his fingers against his hands. "Mushroom, I need you to stop your nee-san from interrupting. Can you do that?"

"Uh huh!" Planting herself between the two older people in the house like an immovable wall, she frowned at her sister, "No interrupting. That's a house rule, and you know it."

Opening the door again, Shinji stepped outside and set his shoulders for engaging in his least favorite pastime. "Ladies and gentlemen, I have a statement I'd like to make." Urging the cameras closer, he looked to one of the cameramen he'd seen often scowling at those who pressed in too close, "Let me know when you're set, sir." The man motioned for a few seconds of time, getting everything in focus. He looked to make sure that everyone else was set, then gave a 'thumb's up'. "Thank you all for coming out here, ladies and gentlemen. This trip has been…instructive."

Tsuru stood hugging her little sister, who hadn't been able to directly stop her from moving to the door but was giving it her absolute level best to prevent her from going any further. He could feel the little one's song, stubborn and determined like her father, and the way that it played counterpoint to the big-hearted self-sacrifice of her elder sister. Both ladies had their weapons, and they played off of each other as well as they did against each other.

After pausing to make sure he knew what she was going to do, Shinji continued, "This village has been dealing with constant economic losses since that unfortunate day close to two decades ago. Losses that I had…little understanding of until I walked around and saw them with my own eyes. I will be coordinating with several of the people I am fortunate to call my colleagues, as well as those I call friends, to encourage investment in this region. The local produce is nothing short of absolutely delicious, the care taken with each harvest obvious. Right now, I'm asking each of your stations to do more than that. I'm asking each of you to go back, to _insist_ that your superiors find another village just like this one. To find the good people just trying to feed their neighbors, their families. When you do? Show their stories. Show people who've never set foot outside of a city what it's like out here. Show them the opportunity to do more, to be grateful, to be better people." Half his mouth quirked up in an imitation of his father's threatening smile, "Because I'll be watching. I can't say that I'll look favorably on those stations that think I'm just full of hot air." Bowing slightly, he set his expectations in stone, "I look forward to compelling stories."

+++++ 11th Angel + 11: Sunday (80)

"Soft. Power." Ritsuko stretched, already wondering what it would cost her to have a bed in Shinji's house so that she could absorb the feelings that house had carried, "If they aren't scrambling after hearing what he had to say there, I'll strip naked and run through the barracks."

"I might have missed a conversation," Kozo looked between two of his senior staff, "was there some debate regarding Shinji-kun's growing reach?"

"She said before that he had no real power," Misato corrected her boss' perception. "I said he did, and it's ultimately a matter of semantics as to who was right at the end of that conversation. How is he going to pay this off, though? If they don't do what he's asked, and nothing happens, he's just blown all of his 'soft power' on an empty threat."

"What makes you believe his threat is empty?" Kozo looked askance at his second in command, "The Shirakami, if nobody else, will draw a great deal of attention to those companies that fail to help. I would argue that the Imperial Princess herself is going to throw her weight behind this as well. She is responsible for his rise, and this is exactly what she wanted to see him doing. At least, from the discussions I had with her at the wedding. His 'common touch', she said, was precisely what was needed to regrow faith in institutions."

"How many of the junior enlisted are from those small villages," Ritsuko pointed back to the screen. "How many of them are now directly involved in Shinji's day-to-day security? Word is going to start getting around that he's pushing for improving things for their families. Their mothers and fathers, sisters and brothers. That is a lot of economic purchasing power, nationalistic pride, and stubborn determination that's going to rally around his determination to not help just one charming hamlet."

"I would also anticipate the photo op with the Assistant Secretary to preclude the attendance of those organizations that didn't move quickly enough…perhaps due to 'security issues'," Kozo tented his fingers, thinking of his own means of supporting a 'kinder and gentler' Ikari being in control of the potential to end the world.

+++++ 11th Angel + 11: Sunday (80)

Shinji walked Tsuru back to where the group had gathered, neither teen saying a word. He had made his point, that not only was his reach long, but his desire to improve everyone's lives not just so much empty promises. She recognized now just what he meant when he said that he would demand that every person in his orbit pull just as hard for every other person, and for what good they could accomplish in the world at large. His offer of a 'courtship' was not for _his_ benefit, it was for hers. If she couldn't keep up, she needed to find her own path through life and accept that friendship was all she'd ever have. She had to prove her place was by his side, not the reverse.

"My love," Hikari greeted him with a warm hug and a chaste kiss, switching to a softer whisper when he was in her grasp, "why doesn't she look absolutely smitten with you?"

"Because I'm not going to compromise my expectations to suit the whims and fancies of anyone not wearing one of my wedding rings," he responded, an edge to his voice. Smiling down at her with a heavy 'We'll talk later' look on his face, he kept her in the crook of his arm as he addressed the rest of his family, "So…I might have accidentally given a press briefing where I insisted each of the remaining news agencies use their influence for something other than following me around waiting to see what color shirt I'm wearing each day."

"I'll go watch it now," Kelly hurried off to speak to several of the reporters.

"Especially when you consider that the color of your shirt at least five days a week is 'white' of some form," Kodama gestured at his outfit teasingly. "You look fantastic in what you're wearing, Shinji. It's a shame that your school uniform is what it is. A splash of color wouldn't go amiss."

"I'll wear different colored hair ties," he offered with a shrug and a fond smile. "If everyone in the house sets up a rotation, I'll wear whatever color you choose for that day. For now, though," he looked around, "I think it's time we headed home." He let his smile fade, "I can hear her." He nodded, "We have time…enough time."

"Kid," Akane looked at their host and his daughter, the pair conferring quietly off to the side, "we going to be coming in hot?"

"Doesn't matter," Noelle stood up. "We'll have less time the more we drag our feet, we'll handle anything else in the air."

+++++ 11th Angel + 11: Sunday (80)

"She should be good to go, Captain," the mechanic followed Noelle and Shinji around on the inspection. "I pushed the engines hard several times, just to check that there wasn't anything else hiding. She redlined where I'd expect, didn't shimmy on the tarmac once."

"You were planning on telling me about this at some point," Shinji set his hand on his favorite aviator's shoulder, "right?"

"Once I had something to report," she patted his leg without looking back at him. "Nobody from back home's told me anything, and all I have to go on is what me and the Sergeant here saw. We could just be chasing starlings, Pally. Nobody was getting back on without a thorough check," turning back to smile at him, she hit him in his weakest spot, "trust your wingman, yeah?"

Bending down to kiss her gently, he then stood back away from her, "Of course. Sorry, I'm a little wound right now."

"Which is why I'm flyin' us home," she winked. "Ye've talent, an' no lie, but I'm still better than you by a year or five."

The trio finished up the inspection of the aircraft as rapidly as they could while still being as thorough as possible. Moving everyone aboard with their belongings, and three entire boxes full of drawings, letters, and 'homemade goods', was accomplished with the aid of the members of Second Squad, while Shinji moved over to apologize to Tomokazu for the rush.

"I am sorry for the haste, Tomo. Hopefully after the war I can spend a week or so here lending a hand around the town," looking around at the activity, Shinji sighed. "Please, tell everyone that I truly enjoyed the short break."

The man's eyebrow raised, "So much that you left three hundred thousand Yen on my table?"

Frowning at the distraction, Shinji let himself answer without any prevarication, "Either she is going to one day be my family, sir, or she was only injured because I returned here. Whichever way you prefer to consider things, I am doing what I would do for _anyone_ in her situation." Locking eyes with the much smaller man, Shinji pointed directly to the ground below, "Either this is my 'second home', or it's not. I have, you do not, and that makes it my _honor_ to help you as I can. Not obligation, not duty, _honor_."

"Hey, Kid," Akane called from the VTOL, "we're set. Let's go."

"Give her a hug for me, Tomo." Ending the conversation dead by turning and walking towards his ride home, he called over his shoulder, "And tell her to expect some letters. I'm sure my little sisters will want to write." Reaching the hatch, he stopped to press a note into Captain Honda's hand, leaning down to speak into her ear over the roar of the engine's preparing for liftoff, "Please, Captain. Follow my instructions. _Be safe._ " Accepting her salute with a nod, he stepped in and checked that everyone who was supposed to be on board was, then closed the sliding hatch firmly.

Once he was in the co-pilot's seat with his helmet on, Noelle called out over the interior channel, "Ok, folks. Things might be a bit bumpy in places. I'm going to be pushing her hard to get us home faster. That means butts in seats, helmets on heads. Anyone gets injured, I'm not going to stop Paladin from spanking you." Flipping over to the inter-flight channel, she began informing the overwatch of her joining their area of control.

 _Suzi, when we land I'm going to leave with Maya as fast as possible. Please make certain that everyone finds a shelter quickly, and keep them safe._ Shinji felt his latest opponent's song grow in strength, _Kitten, you remember this one._

 _Hard to forget the feeling of terror as I watched you sink into a physical improbability, Pup._ Her song was steadier, but only just so, _Do you have some sort of plan for avoiding the trap this time?_

 _I was hoping to talk her down,_ his lips quirked off to the side as he caught sight of their HAVCAP coasting over to guide them home. _She just floated there last time, at least until I let myself be goaded into attacking like an idiot. We go in, set Rei and Asuka at a safe distance with long-range solutions, I approach and give diplomacy a try. If it doesn't work, I'm still the best bet to fight free. We can't risk either of them based only on sentimentality._

 _How bad is it, dear heart?_ Suzuka sat closest to him, her back to his on the opposing side of the aircraft, _Is there anything I am able to do to assist?_

 _That's…an interesting question,_ Maya looked at the other woman with a growing sense of concern. _What happens to our link if you end up going into a…does this alternate universe exist? Is it created each time?_ Rubbing her face, she eventually clenched her fists and breathed out heavily, _Shinji, please try very hard to not go anywhere. There's no guarantee that any of what we experienced last time was or is replicable._

 _I will second her in this emphatically, Your Grace. Your duty is to the women in this plane, and we have spoken of the acceptability of you dying._ Suzuka's song held a hint of trepidation, as she could only guess at what the two with foreknowledge had already experienced once before.

 _If anyone's going into the Angel, it's me,_ he stated flatly. _I've gone in and come out once already. I know what to expect, what I'll experience. If Asuka or Rei go in and give up, they could detonate their Evas in an attempt to kill the Angel resulting in nothing happening, or the loss of Tokyo-3, or the creation of a new sun for all we know. Better that I handle it, and Zero and Two hold the fort down._

+++++ 11th Angel + 11: Sunday (80)

"…Recall Pilots Soryu and Ayanami," Misato looked at the information she'd received on Shinji's sudden departure. He'd asked that the Captain of his Guard inform her of an 'unexpected delay' that would prevent her unit from getting on the road right away. Shinji was trying to prevent the roads from becoming clogged as people and machines made their way to safety. He knew an Angel was coming, and found a way around security protocols to inform everyone. "Prep the evacuation alarms."

The bridge became a kicked nest, people moving, buzzing, going from another sedate Sunday to an active readiness that she was proud to see. Nobody complained, nobody panicked, there was nothing but determination and action. Shuffling quickly through the rest of the report, containing the flight plan, the roster aboard the VTOL, the previous night's weather report from the area, and an assortment of supplemental notation that would be digested later, she found what she was looking for.

"We're at Charlie?" Ritsuko strode onto the bridge to act in her current boss' stead, "The MAGI aren't reporting anything."

"Shinji gave us a head's up," Misato began running names through her list. "It was subtle, but I know how he thinks. He knows I know how he thinks, and I'd bet five foot rubs that this was as much warning as he could give without just calling us and risking being overheard."

"What _are_ you doing?" Hovering behind her sometimes friend, sometimes irritant, the demi-blonde watched as various news reports flew past, "Is the Angel in Ogawa where he was?"

"No. The mother of his former 'caretaker' is," she stabbed the screen showing the 'B-Roll' that one of the reports had used. "He never changed his name, and it appears she operates the only inn in town. He stays at her inn for less than an hour, then leaves. Ten minutes later, the storms of Saturn are raging nearby."

Ritsuko looked askance at her sub-commander, "You…know about the electrical storms in Saturn's atmosphere?"

"I was helping Nozomi-chan and Sakura-chan with their homework," Misato waved away the question. "He stays out of the inn where nobody can find him for several hours. Comes back, everyone gathers their stuff, leaves. They don't rush, though. That's what I'm wondering about. Whatever happened there, he…either reacted poorly or he just felt something and engaged. Anymore…anymore it's hard to say whether he's protecting us, or the other way around." Shaking her head, she dropped the papers down, "I'll ask when I'm talking about Agent Haraldson. He may be emancipated, but I'm still his superior."

Makoto called across the floor, "Ma'am, Pilot Soryu is asking whether she should stand by or get dressed."

"Get dressed, obviously," the Sub-Commander rolled her eyes. "What was she doing? Getting ready for a date?"

+++++ 11th Angel + 11: Sunday (80)

Akane was frowning at her phone, the message already sent but receiving no swift reply: 'Where is Team Rainbow?'

"We've got ten minutes," Noelle stated with no particular urgency. "Anything?"

"No response," the agent replied tersely.

Shinji decided he'd waited long enough, and if Misato could send messages through military channels he could too. Flipping a few switches, he connected with their overwatch, "Rover this is Hammer, interrogative: do you have a connection with Mother, over." Clenching and releasing his fists, he tried to stop himself from worrying over what was likely nothing.

A professionally friendly voice replied seconds later, "That is an affirmative Hammer, standing by for copy, over."

His jaw forced his tone towards unworried, "Callsign Paladin requests status of Team Rainbow, experiencing dead air from associated friendly forces, over."

"Message received and transmitted, Hammer. Will update, out."

Shinji began to tap his foot impatiently, _Maya, are we being locked out for some reason?_

 _I have no idea why we would be._ The MAGI weren't responding to her queries, and every attempt at gaining a connection failed with the same 'unknown host' error each time, _If Misato responded to your roundabout warning they should be at Charlie. That wouldn't mean locking down all external connections, you don't even do that at Delta unless the intrusion is logical in nature._

Several more minutes of efforts yielded nothing but frustration, before an abrupt warning sound that sent the VTOL, four jets, and the associated AWACS all scrambling for answers. "Break, break, break!" Hauling hard to the side, Raffle turned them away from the anticipated anti-air and initiated evasive maneuvers as a cloud of lead began to rake where she'd been seconds before. "Someone down there's lost the bubble, Rover!"

Rover's Mission Manager snapped orders out over the burst of confusion, "Mage Lead and Two, get down there and smoke those guns. Three and four, you keep that fucking bird in the sky." Two of their escort had broken formation and were moving to attempt to suppress any rogue defenses that were locking on. The other two were twisting through the air behind the VTOL to throw off any targeting systems as best they could.

Over the screaming in the back of the lone rotary wing craft, Shinji heard several strikes against the hull, _Sahaquiel, protect the cabin!_ Jumping out of his seat, he dashed into the back and planted himself dead center of the bay, _Shield everything centered on me._

"Shit, Rover this is Three, Hammer is leaking smoke from the starboard engine. I can't-" A series of loud pops cut through what the pilot had been saying as she took several hits to one of her wings, "Lead, you dragging your feet on something? My fun meter's pegged here."

 _Ow. Ow!_ He could feel his largest child floating over the plane, and when she spoke it was with a great anger, _That machine is hurting your friends, Great one. I can't shield them the way I can you, though. They move…they move very oddly._

"Two's down," the voice of the lead pilot was cold and calculating. "The anti-AGM defenses aren't letting anything through."

"Mage Lead, this is Paladin, get clear," Shinji closed his eyes. _Ramiel. I want those guns reduced to slag._ "I'm going to…I'm going to do something stupid."

The man's response was immediate, "Gaining distance, Paladin." Three seconds later, he reported, "Out of ordnance range you are clear to fire."

 _Now. Ramiel._ Through the porthole in the side of the Osprey, he could see the enormous polyhedron shimmer into existence. There were no storm clouds, nothing to indicate that a lightning bolt several dozens of meters wide was about to lance down from the skies. The roar of thunder that followed was monumental, and the pressure wave tossed all of the aircraft about violently, but the remaining three guns were silenced. His head ached, his limbs felt as if they'd gone numb, and everything around him had gone quiet, "S-sorry about…uhm…." The world went black as he fell backwards to the deck of the aircraft.

+++++ 11th Angel + 11: Sunday (80)

"Offline everything between them and us," Kozo slapped the Desk of God. "Now."

"Not possible, not without taking everything down," Misato hovered over Shigeru's shoulder, watching the nineteenth attempted replacement for Maya struggle with the task of stopping the Air Defense Network from continuing its assault on her friends and family.

"Then take the whole thing down." The old professor grimaced at the need, "Everything, if you have to."

Shigeru's voice drew everyone's eyes, "Barometric sensors are-"

A titanic flash of light blinded the AWACS camera systems, rendering any observation impossible from their perspective as the MAGI searched for a useful video feed to offer.

Misato's heart sank as the radar system stopped displaying anything sensible or useable, "Makoto I'm firing you unless I have a link to their TACNET in the next thirty seconds."

"He's fine," Ritsuko whispered. "He has to be fine." Her fingers a blur as she pushed through hundreds of lines of code to find the sabotage, she maintained her litany of prayer, "He's fine."

"It was a lightning strike?" Shigeru replayed the event from the MAGI recording, "It…it hit the air defense network. There," he circled the area, "that's where it would have been placed. Visual confirmation…not possible at this angle. I think they're flying though, ma'am."

"Ma'am, I have…got it," Makoto rolled his hand as the Sub-Commander's earpiece exploded with sound.

A younger male voice repeated themselves urgently, "…I say again, friendly forces in the AO! Cease fire! Cease fire!"

Misato silently joined in her friend's prayers, catching sight of the network going red on all of their monitors, "This is Sub-Commander Misato Katsuragi, we have offlined our ADN, identify yourself."

There was a pause and then a new voice spoke, "This is Rover, providing overwatch for the return flight for Hammer Zero One. Request SITREP, why are we being fired upon? Over."

She wished she could give the actual answer, but that wasn't the kind of thing one put out over easily intercepted radio communications, "System malfunction, Rover. Status of precious cargo, over."

The answer went over as well as she'd anticipate she would have taken it in the same position, "Stand by."

There was a lengthy pause, and then Noelle's voice could be heard, "I'm doing what I can, lass. The second engine has basically given up the ghost. Rover, I can make it to base, but I'll need a landing strip. I try to hover in this bitch and I'm parking her in the building."

Misato's heart clenched, "Raffle, this is Mother, status on Paladin?"

"Unconscious," her reception from the blonde pilot wasn't much better than she'd received from the AWACS, "we're busy, Mother. Would you mind having Feelgood clear Juliet Six, or do you think you'd rather have time to line the damn runway with mines?"

"Juliet Six will be clear, Captain," Kozo's voice cut in. "Bring them in safely."

If she cared who the voice belonged to, she didn't make it clear, "Aye, sir. Hadn't planned on crashing to be honest, terrible weather for it. Out."

"Hyuga-kun, get that done." The old professor walked down to the deck and brought his two most trusted subordinates into a quick huddle, "We've got to accept that his abilities are going to be public knowledge now. If he didn't somehow drop that lightning bolt, then we have a bigger problem as whatever changes he's undergone are spreading to others. What is the likelihood of him becoming unstable?"

"Sir, if he's summoning lightning like an old Greek god then I would say that stability is the least of our concerns," Ritsuko laughed quietly. "There's simply no known explanation for the kind of energy requirements he has, even considering his new organ. He's summoning lightning? Setting aside the absurdity of the statement, and analyzing it from a purely scientific stance, we come across some serious concerns. You can measure around five billion joules in a single lightning strike on an average strike in an…never mind, five billion joules over ten microseconds. Those are the important numbers. You, Misato, would use one hundred joules in one second just to stay alive."

"He's going to burn himself out," Kozo pieced it together faster than Misato. "The thunderstorm last night, the lightning bolt today…."

"The S-Two organ he has isn't limitless, it's infinite. Those are two very different terms that we use for two very different concepts," the demi-blonde looked to Misato and made certain that she was following along. "He held a lightning bolt larger than any I've ever seen smashing down against the Earth itself for one whole second."

"Then we feed him," the Sub-Commander rolled her hands. "I mean, that's how we get our energy, right?"

"We'd need to feed him one point two billion calories worth of food just to cover what he spent a few moments ago, Misato," Ritsuko restrained the urge to call the woman an idiot. She knew her friend was thinking of solutions, and not dithering on the problems. She was a 'fixer' not a 'worrier'. "An average individual intakes two thousand calories a day. You can manage the rest of that math."

+++++ 11th Angel + 11: Sunday (80)

"Brace for touchdown," Noelle called out. "Feelgood, tell me you have corpsmen standing by."

"Champing at the bit, Raffle," her lead pilot's response was as unruffled as ever. "Bay Twelve Juliet Six is yours, they're standing by."

The blonde wanted nothing more than to hurry, but with only one functioning engine she had to balance surviving long enough to help with reaching the help awaiting her, "Twelve J-Six, roger." Landing far harder than she wanted, a burst from the engine slamming them downwards into the ground and shifting everyone around, she felt the VTOL begin to fight harder to go in a different direction than she intended, "Sorry, we all ok?"

"Been better," Kelly responded, panting as she struggled to maintain bearing. Having drawn attention to herself reluctantly, she was seen to now be bleeding.

"Damn it!" Kodama moved from covering the man she loved to taking care of the more immediate case of two seriously broken legs. "We're going to need multiple stretchers." Noticing Hikari wobbling woozy in her seat, she called back to the front, "Plus two casualties, we're up to three at least."

+++++ 11th Angel + 11: Sunday (80)

Shinji slowly came to, his eyes only barely focusing on a mop of dirty blonde hair framing a face that was such a dark blue it was nearly black resting atop his chest. The realization that he wasn't aboard the VTOL was quickly followed by the recognition that he wasn't on Earth, "Ireul?" His eyes fought against staying open, "Iri…what's…."

"Shh," her hand caressed his side. "You're sleeping. You promised; this is our time.

"I…did," he let his head lay back down against the incredibly comfortable pillow cradling him. "You'll," he yawned, "you'll let me wake up when it's time?"

"My word is my bond, Shinji," the Aspect of Terror's mouth curled into a contented grin. "Go back to sleep. I promise, you'll wake when it's time to." Looking with her one eye around the room, she moaned with pleasure as he faded once more into unconsciousness.

Surrounding the bed, unseen in his fatigue, were flashes of memories. Kaji shooting himself, Toji's broken body, Asuka slapping him while shrieking that he was perverted, Hikari yelling at him, his father walking away. Interspersed were the nightmares his mind conjured from the fertile field of fears he had grown as anxiety was left unchecked. Maya impaled on a spike, Nozomi torn apart by dogs, Sakura screaming at him that her life was ruined because of him, Misato saying she'd never seen a more pathetic man in all her life.

Ireul soaked in the feast eagerly, her power growing ever stronger, "We were meant for each other, Shinji…you just don't know it yet." She'd give him all of the energy he'd ever need, if it would keep him by her side. She'd grant him every desire he'd ever have, so long as she could feed on the delicious buffet of his mind. With every minute for his body meaning hours for his spirit, they had all the time in the world to grow closer.

+++++ 11th Angel + 11: Sunday (80)

"Not the best time for an attack," Kodama focused on patching everyone else back up, working alongside Rina and Hina. "But if he's screaming because of the night terrors at least we know he's alive." She smiled down at her sister, "It's a kick in the teeth, but it's better than the alternative, isn't it?"

Hikari tried to smile, but only managed a loose upturn of the left side of her mouth, "He's alive."

"Out of an abundance of caution," Rina slid over to Hikari's bed, " _we_ are going to insist on _you_ going into the MRI lab."

"You did get your head bounced around, Hiki," Kodama nodded in agreement with her off-and-on trainer. "We can't do much for Shinji right now, and he'd tan my hide if I didn't insist you were fully cleared medically."

"Someone," she winced as she moved to sit up, relaxing back down as both medical professionals gently reminded her that she was going nowhere, "needs to take care of Tsuru."

"She's been given a painkiller which acts as a sedative," the twin currently present said reassuringly. "She does not seem to be made of the quality of material you and your family are, Hikari-chan. She will be resting in her dreams while we look in your skull."

"What you see in her, Hiki…it's beyond me," Kodama stood up, favoring the knee she'd tweaked. "Because it's pretty obvious that Shinji doesn't see it either."

"We'll…talk later," Hikari sighed. "If you think I need to have an MRI, let's get it done."

+++++ 11th Angel + 11: Sunday (80)

"Lieutenant Colonel," Misato greeted the woman widely considered not only the Third in Command, but the one person that had begun to reach the same level of popularity as Shinji himself, "have you been medically cleared to return to duty?" Lowering her voice as she met Maya halfway, she smiled, "Seriously, are you ok?"

"An Angel is coming," the smaller woman shrugged. "My place is here, they're getting Shinji on his feet. He'd want me ready to help Rei-chan and Asuka in case anything happens before they can stop him from screaming."

Misato gently took her friend's shoulder, "I admire your dedication to duty, Maya, but I-"

"I'm ok," she cut in firmly. "A few cuts is nothing compared to what happened to poor Lieutenant Chambers. She likely won't be walking even on crutches for a month or two." Trying to ease the sting of her sudden irritated snap, she smiled, "Which is a shame, because she has _really_ nice legs."

The violet-haired warrior took the hint, and joked along, "Not as nice as yours, I hear. Word is, your husband's something of an aficionado."

Ritsuko hurried back on the bridge, pausing as she saw her one-time subordinate, "May…Lieutenant Colonel, are you ok? Is everyone doing ok?" The demi-blonde handed her tablet to Misato to read the report, "Still working on finding the entry point for the code injection, the system was trained to target _any_ Blue Patterns it detected instead of only those we designated as hostile."

"Ritsuko," Maya reached over and turned the woman's chin to face her, "my name is Maya. You have permission to use it, and I prefer it when you do. Shinji, Hikari, and I all feel that way. Stop fussing over stupid things, and focus on the problems we have before us. Someone fired on the man we all love, the rest of us were incidental. You and I need to work on fixing this while Misato prepares the Evas for combat." Her eyes flicked to her superior's, "Right?"

"Couldn't have said it better myself," Misato smiled as gratitude filled her to see that her stumping and petitioning and begging to have Maya promoted was being proven wise.

+++++ 11th Angel + 11: Sunday (80)

"Aye, he doesnae need to come in, Jorth," Noelle grimaced as she saw Shinji's face contort once more. "I'm powerful sorry that I couldnae be here when-" Her eyes went heavenward, "Yes'm. He liked the dress just fine. I understand, we were all where we were meant t' be. That does nae-" Her desire to begin swearing climbed in direct proportion to the heartrate sensors on the man she loved, "Jorth…I love ye. I do. But if ye tell me one more time not t' fuss o'er her loss, I'm liable t' come spank ye, Angel or no." Closing her eyes again, she rested her head against the glass separating her from Shinji, "Aye. I know. I'll let ye know when I can."

Kodama waited for her twice-over roommate to hang up before wrapping her arms around her in a hug from behind, "I'm very sorry for your loss, Noelle. I hope you know we'll do whatever we can to help you, and her family. If you need me to stay at the apartment, or if you _want_ me to stay at the apartment." She sighed, frustrated at the little she could offer, "Or if you need a date with Shinji or something, I don't know. I'll do what I can."

"I know ye will, lass," resting her head between Kodama's breasts as she tended to with Misato, the smaller woman looked up and grinned. "I've been hopin' t' jus' pile into a bed with everyone. I'm nae the only that's hurtin', an' the idea of laying down with all o' ye an' cryin' til' I cannae cry no more is lookin' right lovely." Tears stood in her eyes, "She was a bitch, but her heart was true. She only wanted fer the lad t' nae be abused as…." Swallowing, she couldn't keep the tears at bay any longer.

Spinning the blonde pilot around, Kodama held her close and let her begin the process of coming back down.

+++++ 11th Angel + 11: Sunday (80)

"Is this what you should be doing, child?" Adam faded into existence by the bedside, glowering in disapproval at Ireul as she writhed in ecstasy atop Shinji's unconscious form. "We are not meant to…gorge. His love is-" He paused as the Aspect of Terror thrust her hand out indecorously.

Whimpering as she forced herself to stillness, Ireul glared at her former master. "He," working moisture back into her mouth, she shuddered in rapture as a particularly horrifying vision crossed Shinji's mind, "h-he is resting. He and I agreed that I ought to help him p-process this. He shines with your…pathetic light each day. What has that given him, hmm?" Her lone eye glowed with certitude, "I will give him _everything_ you could not. I will grant him the peace your pathetic stasis would deny him. Stay within your gilded cage, _Father_. Leave the Great Beyond to those of us with vision."

"You would willingly join Lilith?" His disgust at the idea was nearly all-consuming, "You would destroy what he is?"

"He will choose what he becomes," Nyx shimmered into being on the other side of the bed from her antagonist. "I…was wrong to try and force him to walk along my path." Climbing up to sit next to Shinji's head, she sought a diversion from the sorrows she'd endured, "He's far too much to handle alone, isn't he?"

"I-it's…it's unending," the lesser Aspect fought with her natural instincts, the desire to murder Lilith where she sat competing with the sense of fulfilment she was receiving from the being she worshipped. "He has _nothing_ stopping him." Gripping Shinji's chest, she purred, "Nothing but _him_."

"…As loathe as I am to admit it," slipping around behind the color-negative, one-eyed, version of herself, the Night Mother began to touch and caress her potential new acolyte, "he's necessary." Scowling hatred at the man responsible for all of her years of suffering, she spat out the truth, "His presence allows you to enjoy what our Lover has to offer." Feeling the excitement building in Ireul's mind, she looked away from the man that disgusted her, and faced the man that would finally give her a chance to see success, "And he offers us so much. Perhaps even more…now that he sees us for what we can be."

Now physically stimulated as well as emotionally, the former Eleventh Angel began to sing with desire. She would, one day, birth armies of children for her Great Lord. She would serve as his vessel for the unyielding Terror that reminded the pitiful mortal souls around him of why they did not tread in the dark spaces of Creation. One day…soon.

+++++ 11th Angel + 11: Sunday (80)

"I'd like to remind you that this is exceedingly boring," Asuka sat inside of Unit-02, the LCL unpoured and the connection unseated. "We've been here for an hour already. Are you sure you saw something? I could be upstairs right now keeping an eye on Shinji. _We_ could be upstairs." Without any response from the bridge, she rolled her eyes and looked over to her fellow pilot, "You'd think we'd have some waterproof books, or even just a library terminal in here. What are you studying in class, Rei? Any questions about it to pass the time?"

Rei frowned, though only someone with a keen eye would have noticed the motion, before venturing out with a question that she felt might at least change the nonstop barrage of words from the Second Child to something different, "What is your opinion on partnering a pale yellow with my natural hair color? I have been informed that a 'ribbon' or 'hairband' might improve my general appearance."

"Yellow? With your skin tone? No, no," Asuka disagreed, eager to have some engagement with anyone. "Why not get something to match your eyes? A nice ruby, maybe some matching nail polish and lipstick."

She had read in several articles that paints were useful in drawing the eye, "Is that…important?"

"Accessories should always match, Rei. Unless, of course, you're going for a riot of color. That can be fun on its own, but only if you're feeling like being 'fun'. What are you shooting for here? Just standing out? Drawing someone's eye? Showing up some bitch in your class that thinks she's better than you? There are a bunch of parameters here, really," her smile was easy, as this was well within her wheelhouse and something she could talk about for hours.

"I…would prefer not to state my reasons." She made an effort for him, but she would not trust so easily, "You feel that by matching my eyes with paint and 'accessories' I would manage to appear more 'normal'?"

"You'll never appear normal, Rei. That's not what people like you and I get to do," Asuka smiled sadly. "Sorry, Schätzchen, but we are two drop-dead gorgeous people. Nothing you do will stop you from standing out, so it's all about _how_ you stand out. Embrace your natural beauty, own it. If you start from there, a lot of the fashions you choose will fall into-"

"Ma'am," Shigeru's voice cut through on the main channel, "we've got a…thing."

Misato's response was its typical acerbic wit, "Oh no! The dreaded 'thing'. Do you have better words to choose, Aoba-kun, or are we playing twenty questions?" The two pilots watched as the might-have-been supermodel stalked over to watch her subordinate's viewscreen, "We call that an 'Angel', have you not been paying attention?"

"It's Pattern Orange, ma'am," Shigeru replied, not rising to her barbs.

"Confirmed that the MAGI analysis is incomplete, ma'am," Maya displayed her screen for everyone, the three supercomputers showed a disagreement as to whether anything was actually there at all. "Recommend we be cautious here, we could be sending them up into a trap."

"Agreed," Misato scowled. "Work on getting them to identify whatever that is, then. Shigeru, Makoto, evacuate all districts surrounding that target. Asuka, Rei, we're going to get you synched up now. Be ready to deploy, Paladin may not be going with you."

+++++ 12th Angel + 0: Sunday (80)

Shinji's eyes slowly opened once more into the world of his spirit, beholding a perspiring Ireul gently kissing him. When his vision focused, he felt her hands lightly caress his face, sliding down his shoulders, then begin pulling his own hands up to hold her intimately. His thoughts were still marred by fatigue, sleep eagerly making plays to reclaim him, and so his response was less than firm, "Iri...?"

"Thank you," her lone eye was filled with love and need as she touched her lips to his cheeks, and to the tip of his nose. "I have not felt so necessary in…such a long, long time." Pushing herself upright, she took his hands from where they sat and moved them to where she could offer herself to them, "Did you rest well? Were your dreams pleasant?"

"I…uhm," slowly regaining control of his thoughts, he shifted his hands from her breasts to around her waist. The situation was far too surreal for him yet, "I'm…sorry, but I'm not sure I'm not still in a dream. I feel…good, but," he laughed with bemusement, "I'm afraid I don't think you're real. The Ireul I know probably isn't interested in me like this."

"Oh?" She grinned, enjoying the chance to play, "Why wouldn't she be?"

"Because I imprisoned her," Shinji sighed, "I struck her in anger…because I clung to her like a broken child and wept while I was lost in my own twisted memories." He shook his head, "She's a powerful woman, with poise and dignity. She's helping me get my night terrors under control. I shouldn't be fantasizing about her, it's rude."

"Fantasize?" Her smile grew, "And what would you do to her, hmm? Come now," she tugged his hands back into place, "speaking the thoughts will get them out of your mind. It will help you-"

"My patience wears thin, child," Adam returned with a bright flare of light. "He is needed to recover your sister Leliel. He has fed you enough for ages yet unborn, you do not require his passions as well."

Conceptually, Shinji was aware of what the next actions Ireul took meant. It was, after all, no great mystery that the former Angel, now Aspect, of Terror would summon pure fear when either threatened or angered. Much like an octopus would use ink, a porcupine would use quills, an Aspect would naturally use their aspect to express their displeasure should their state of affairs not meet with their liking.

Rationally, however, Shinji saw and felt nothing different as Ireul's hands clenched around his. Her gaze could have melted Unit-01's armor, given physical force, and the way that darkness seemed to flicker into existence around her head the same way he often saw light flicker around Hikari's were the only evidence he had that a battle of wills was taking place. A battle, he was surprised to feel, that Adam was losing slowly.

Moderately embarrassed, as he had just admitted to fantasizing about her, Shinji decided to simply use his embarrassment to help de-escalate the situation before it got out of hand and people were harmed. "You are very soft," he was proud of how calm his voice was, "at least…to the touch." When her head turned slowly towards him, he smiled warmly, "I'm very sorry for not knowing I was awake. Perhaps next time, we can speak more on things without me shoving my foot in my mouth."

Losing control over his hands at the compliment and the way he offered another chance later on, Ireul was unprepared for him to sit up and hug her closely, "I…would enjoy that." Regret and irritation flowered in her as he lifted her easily to stand next to the man who interrupted everything, "Perhaps…deeper in my Domain? Where there will be fewer interruptions?"

"You should not encourage this behavior, my friend," Adam looked up at him, radiating concern. "They are here to support you, to grant you their strength. Not the reverse."

Observing the area he'd been brought to, Shinji admired the seemingly endless void. The way that no light but what the three people standing there produced could be seen. "Adam…have you ever considered that perhaps the reason everything is the way it is…is that you couldn't bring yourself to actually sacrifice of yourself?" Looking down, he tilted his head as he began to pity the man before him, "You never had the strength to make that big play. To jump on the grenade so that the rest of your team would live. To accept not having a huge dinner one night, so that fifty others could have any dinner at all. Whatever metaphor you want to conjure, my friend, I think perhaps you need to think on the topic." Gesturing back to Ireul, he frowned sadly, "She _is_ supporting me. I'm just making certain to support her in doing so." Turning around, he bent down and pressed his lips to hers as lightly as she had his, "Thank you. I look forward to our next session."

As the object of her desire vanished, the proud Aspect looked at the man she had once believed perfect with the same pity Shinji had. The knowledge that she had nearly cost herself what she now had burned her mind; and that the man before her was the supposedly greatest among them…that just bored her. Willing away the bed, she floated to the ground demurely, "We trust you can see yourself out. We have preparations to make…as do you, We understand."

+++++ 12th Angel + 0: Sunday (80)

"…it's unlikely that," a familiar masculine voice greeted Shinji as he pulled himself to consciousness in the real world, "well, I won't say unlikely when we're talking about him. Regardless, the…well, good afternoon." Kaz' friendly grin came into focus as his eyes adjusted to the dark of the room, Kodama's worried demeanor the next thing he could make out.

"Angel," Shinji sighed as he pushed himself upright. "Let's get me in position." Lifting up the sheet and finding he hadn't been cathetered, he laughed, "Hey…don't need to pull that out of me. That's a plus." Shifting his bulk, not caring that he wasn't wearing anything, he pushed himself out of bed despite the attempts of both medical professionals to stop him. "Kaz-san, I'm fine. Please give me a few moments with Kodama, and then I'll be on my way."

"Paladin," the big man stopped himself, then shook his head and sighed. "When Temple yells at me, I'm blaming you."

"Tell her I said I would present myself for inspection right after this Angel is dead. I give my word." Patting the big man on the shoulder, he had that discordant moment where he realized how much larger he himself was than the powerfully built corpsman, "Now…uhm, a moment with Kodama…please." Both housemates waited while the third party picked up his kit and waved as he left. The air slightly awkward as no words were exchanged. Once the door shut, Shinji turned and asked quietly, "Hikari?"

The nurse's response was similarly subdued, "MRI."

"Maya's on the bridge," he stated, knowing where she would have gone without any doubts. "Kodama…do you love me?"

Hearing the question asked without any preamble, with a voice that seemed bemused and uncertain, caused her to hesitate, "Y-yes?" She blinked, asking a counter question to try and make sense of his own, "Did I say something in your nightmares? You were having really bad night terrors for a while…I know they can seem pretty real. But no, Shinji. I love you. I love you so much that…well, even though I can't approve of everything you've chosen to do…I'm willing to-"

Lifting her up by the waist, Shinji laid her down on the bed, laying heavily atop her. Sparing no enthusiasm, he put all of his desire for the beautiful woman before him into a kiss. He felt her leg kick out as she tried to make sense of the sudden shift, then just as quickly wrap around his leg to pull him in. Her hands went from fluttering confusion to rapturous engagement with similar ease, and soon she was diving into his affection with a similar lack of abandon.

For several minutes, he lingered. The woman beneath him had come before all but her sister. She had held him, cared for him, healed him, and longed after him. Her affections had begun as destructive, for herself and for him. She would have willingly given up everything, a career, a life, her family, _everything_. The brief distance he had put between them was as painful as it was necessary, and now that he held her close he admitted that his hesitation was based on fear as much as worry.

Breaking the kiss, and feeling her heavy breathing, he set his head beside hers and whispered, "I love you, Kodama Horaki." The electric thrill he felt at the admission was amplified by the passionate shudder he felt from its recipient, "Before anyone else tries to stake a claim to me…before anyone else has a chance to earn a place in my heart…I want you to take your place at my side. I watched you hold yourself back when you moved in again. I watched you open up to Maya, I watched you try to be a part of the family. Try to find your place, your groove to fill. Each gentle act you gave the people I love made me…made me _want._ I want to feel your touch, your heat…. If I lost you like I lost…." Gritting his teeth, he pushed himself up, "But I need to go. Later…when I'm back, and I've taken care of my responsibilities." Sitting on his knees, with a rumpled breathtaking vision before him, he set his fists on his quadriceps and lowered his head, "Please…know that I love you. Not as a friend, or a companion, or a warm body…but as a woman, a piece of my life that I cannot be without. I love you. But I have to go before I'm too late."

Kodama watched him get dressed in a pair of scrubs pants, too stunned to say anything. Unable to answer, to reply, to say the words that she'd practiced and rehearsed over and over on the off-chance that he offered her even the smallest piece of his heart. She watched as he walked out and said a few quiet words to the others outside. She watched him enter the elevator, watched him give her that smile he had that was just for her, and as soon as the elevator doors closed she jumped out of bed with a triumphant shout that earned her a stern reprimand from her superiors that people were still healing.

+++++ Author's Notes

Guest: RE: Lilith.

Her view of Shinji is complicated. And her final act in removing herself, and the temptation to prevent Ireul from doing what must be done, was the strongest display of her love for Shinji that I believe I could express at this point in the story. He needs to advance, he's finally found his feet. It's just too bad that she's not the Oracle.

TheHiddenLettuce: RE: Shinji's backstory.

It would definitely have put a crimp on NGE proper, to have Zombie Shinji attempting to get in Misato's car that sunny day. The young boy that we all met through those twenty four episodes couldn't have been raised in a house with a lot of love. Or even a small amount of love. I've often wondered how much of that was Gendo ordering it, and how much was Gendo ignoring it. I've clearly gone with ignoring in this story, because I'm a fan of redemption.

TripleF: RE: The chapter.

Thank you. I'm glad that you feel invested enough to mourn with someone many have reviled this entire time. I hope that many more come to understand that nothing is nearly as cut and dried as they thought as we near the final Angels.

Starfire99: RE: Confusion, here's your synopsis.

1\. Shinji goes 'Pop', channels his inner Zeus.

2\. Suzuka carries Akane back to the hotel, because humans don't play nicely with lightning.

3\. Suzuka returns to Rose organizing the Aspects to limit the damage Shinji's causing.

4\. Suzuka enters Shinji's dream-state to try and help him recover control over his anger/grief/madness.

5\. First Dream: Suzuka is now asleep, and her sub-consciousness is tied to Shinji's. She's dreaming of a world where she and he live on the coast (where she's always longed to return) and are trying for their third child (Aisha and Melfina being the names of two other women on Outlaw Star, and so their daughters' names). This is 'too perfect' and she realizes that she's likely asleep. Ireul comes in and pops the dream bubble.

6\. Second Dream: Suzuka and Shinji find each other, but Suzuka can't control the nightmare any more than Shinji. She's 'weak' and 'powerless', providing an opportunity for Shinji's mind to torture her to torture him. Ireul 'Kali Ma's the nightmare projection of Shinji's Sensei and explains the basics of their plan to restore order to Shinji's nightmares. Shinji disappears, because he isn't in control, and Suzuka follows shortly after because neither is she.

7\. Third Dream: Suzuka is afraid of motorized vehicles of all types, especially of being the one responsible for driving them. This is established throughout my story, if you listen to her statements. This nightmare allows Shinji's knowledge of those fears to play with his fears that if he lets Suzuka in, he's hurting everyone else. Suzuka herself has those same fears, and so the entire sequence is designed around terrifying her to stop her from reaching Shinji. He is, and remains, self-destructive. He doesn't want _anyone_ close to him, and chasing her away only makes sense to save her from him.

8\. Noelle talking to everyone: Noelle is trying to keep people calm, with help from Kodama. She's upset that she can't help Shinji right now, but she understands enough to know that he'd want everyone safe. Maya continues her journey through grief, and those 'in the know' continue to impress upon her that she couldn't have stopped what happened.

9\. The Playground: After many, many more nightmares which were cut for pacing purposes, Ireul and Suzuka arrive to find Shinji playing 'hide-and-go-seek' with Lily (Lilith/Nyx). Lily sends Ireul (Iri) off to occupy Shinji so she can show Suzuka exactly what she's gone through. She displays every Shinji from every reality, which numbers well beyond the values the human mind can rationally understand, and ends with "the one". The Main Canon Shinji. She shows his end, the Sephiroth, the MP Evas, Third Impact. Suzuka now understands that at no point in time was there ever a 'Good Life' for him. There was no 'Golden Path'. His life, until Lily saved him, was pain and misery. This little boy, that Ireul is helping build impossible objects out of sand, is the one kernel of hope that Main Canon Shinji possessed, but never was allowed to actualize. In order for Shinji to live up to his potential, so that he could not only challenge the forces of Creation that threaten mankind, but stop those same forces from repeating an endless cycle, Innocence had to die and become suffused throughout his entire being. He has to realize, and actualize within his own cognition, that there is a future. That there is something beyond Eva, and fighting, and killing. Between Maya and Suzuka, Lily chose Suzuka. Maya is good, she is kind, but she is ultimately broken. Suzuka's wrath does not define her, and she realizes that it is an evil force to be controlled and channeled. With Suzuka there to take her place in comforting Innocent Shinji, Ireul 'kills' the stasis that Innocent Shinji represents, allowing innocence to change into hope.

Lily let go of her baby boy, so that he could grow into a man.

origamishishou: RE: Hope.

I'll never tell someone to give up hope. It's often all we have.

Lily, at least, now has some to cling to.


	94. Chapter 94

+++++ 12th Angel + 0: Sunday (80)

 _Maya, inbound to Unit-01. Is everything under control?_ Shinji was dressed in his plugsuit and running through the halls to the gantries, _Please tell me nobody did anything stupid._

 _You mean like dropping a lightning bolt the size of a building onto some AA guns from a clear blue sky?_ Her retort wasn't nearly as angered as it sounded, and he understood her well enough to know that she was simply nervous. _I've held them off, Pup. I don't like this._

Reaching the catwalk, he flipped the switch on his wrist that connected him to the other Evas, "Sorry for being late. You wouldn't believe the traffic between Ogawa and Tokyo-3, it's killer."

"Paladin?" Misato reached the window and looked down at him as he rode the lift up to his entry plug, "Who authorized letting you out of sickbay?"

"I did," he replied with a weak shrug and a helpless grin. "You'd be amazed at how amenable people can be when I promise to come back to them for a full checkup once there's no longer an enormous alien parked over the city." _Have to keep the mood light. Nobody gets nervous, nobody does anything stupid. We don't have a repeat of Nevada._ "Full checkup. Promise."

"Shinji, get your butt in Unit-01 and let's get this thing dead," Asuka called over Misato's sputtered disbelief. "I think I can convince Rei to learn how to paint her nails if we hurry."

"Oh? Neat." Nodding his thanks to the engineers, Shinji climbed into his plug. "Rei, if I have learned anything living with several fashionable ladies, it's that you need to complain several times while applying it that the color is different than the bottle would have you believe. It's a ritual, I think."

Maya laughed as she set the LCL in Unit-01 to flooding the chamber, trying to help him in the ways she could, "It's not a ritual, Paladin, it's the truth. Two, would you kindly back me up here? My husband's spreading lies."

"I'm going to side with your wife, Lead," Asuka's voice changed as the liquid reached his ears. "Those bottles are lying liars who tell lies. Always one shade darker or lighter depending on the brand. That's why we need to get Rei over, so she can learn the difference and get some color on those hands."

Feeling the connection begin, Shinji kept up his game, "Rits, what effect does LCL have on nail polish? Do we need to worry about waterproofing? I'll probably end up being a demonstration dummy at some point here, and it would be terrible for my reputation if I had uneven nails."

"Uhm, I would not know, Paladin," the scientist could be seen to look at Misato, shrugging in bewilderment. "I don't wear any, and the only test subjects we've had locally are a little busy with actual science to check."

"He's at three forty one, ma'am," Shigeru whispered. The man's voice carried easily through the enhanced link he shared with a number of the women on the bridge, "holding rock steady. The fluctuation is so minor that it's within the sensor's MOE."

"Well, Mother," he was Unit-01. He was a giant death god. He was pain and misery given form. "What are we looking at?"

Misato's song was fire and fear, and for a moment he thought she was about to sideline him for how he was acting. Her first words, however, put the lie to that worry, "Giant sphere. The MAGI can't be certain if it's an Angel, an alien, a hallucination, or a sensor error. They've been arguing for some time now, and you arrived while we were debating our approach. Thoughts?"

 _Here we go._ "Send us up. Put Two and Zero at flanking positions, long range hardware. I'm the fastest, so I'll approach and try to get a better look. This turns pear shaped, I'm the most likely to be able to get out of a kill box without feeding the enemy. If I need to fall back, Two and Zero can provide covering fire while I reposition. Put them…say four hundred meters from the target? Close enough for pallet rifles, but not so close that they can be caught if this thing grows tentacles."

"I like it," Misato nodded, a proud smile on her face. "Let's get some firsthand intel."

+++++ 12th Angel + 0: Sunday (80)

Crouched behind a building, Shinji kept his voice even, "Two, ETA?"

"Stupid cable and its stupid catching on everything," the fiery redhead grumbled. "One minute, Lead."

He smirked as he remembered the last time they did this, "Zero?"

Rei's response was its typical placid monotone, "I am in position, Lead. Positive visual on target, awaiting further orders."

"Mother, any word from the MAGI?" Peeking around the corner, he saw what would hopefully become his next child floating in place, right where he remembered it being.

Misato seemed displeased, "Science is giving us a shrug, Paladin. The MAGI claim this thing can't exist. Each of your angles is showing the exact same features, a zebra ball."

"Confirmed," he replied. "Two?"

Asuka's song seemed 'huffy', "In position, I have this thing in my sights."

 _Maya…I love you._ "Roger. Ok, Mother. I'm going to go poke it with a stick."

Maya's song spoke clearly of her fears, _I love you too, Pup. Come back safe._

 _Suzi?_ He needed to try, she was a part of his life as well.

His eternal companion minced no words, _Return, dear heart. Or I will never forgive you._

Stepping cautiously out, he kept his rifle in the ready low position. _Hello there. Leliel, was it?_ Trying his best to appear non-threatening, he pushed out his A.T. Field to make contact with the shadow, _Your brothers and sisters tell me that's your name. Can you hear me?_

A small ripple marred the surface of the shadow as it spoke, _Father?_

 _Not…entirely?_ Honesty was still his best bet, _Your father is a part of me. Adam, and Sachiel, Sahaquiel and both Israfel twins. All that came before you, they live as a part of me now. I was hoping that we could talk. That we didn't have to fight._

A larger ripple passed along the surface closer to its equator, _They…are a part of you?_

 _We…fought, unfortunately._ Stopping when he felt he was close enough to appear to the cameras that he was doing something, but not so close as to be threatening, he focused on keeping himself loose, "There are small ripples along the surface. You seeing this?" _I wish we didn't have to, Leliel. I really do. But they tried to kill my friends, and I had to fight them to stop them. They're not dead though, I promise. If you're willing to talk, I might be able to bring one or two out. Would you like that?_

"I don't like it, Lead." Asuka's song spoke of her nervousness, "Last movie I saw where something started doing this, it didn't end well."

"Steady, Two," Misato's tone of command carried over both song and speakers. "Paladin, Science is asking for a close up. Can you focus your camera on the center of the sphere?"

"Wilco." Taking a few more steps closer, he listened for a reply, _Leliel? Do you have someone you'd like me to bring out?_

 _I don't believe you._ The sudden retort was accompanied by several perturbations, _They wouldn't be happy being captured in…whatever abomination you are. You're lying._

Halting in his approach, Shinji held his hand up, _I'll stand here. What I'm currently inside of is called an Evangelion. It's how we defend ourselves._ _How about I bring out Israfel?_

 _Inside?_ Leliel's surface shimmered, _You…you are more than you?_ _There is more than…you have…I am confused._

What followed was as unfortunate as it was inevitable. Leliel's shadow stirred as Leliel themselves shifted, eager to move closer to the oddity and feel the multitude of spirits within the single form. This was perceived by the bridge as aggressive and prompted Misato to order both pilots to begin to lay down covering fire as Shinji called out for his wingmen to stand fast. Asuka, more interested in Shinji's safety than his orders, opened fire. Rei, more in tune with what Shinji was attempting to accomplish, hesitated.

The three-round burst from Asuka's rifle passed harmlessly through the illusory orb, but not without prompting reprisal. Enraged at the apparent deception, the Twelfth Angel's true form appeared underneath Asuka. Shinji had already gone airborne, anticipating the event and knowing that he now needed to save Asuka from being absorbed somehow.

"Was zum Teufel?" Already shin-deep and sinking, Unit-02 fired down into the black morass, "I, Hrngh, can't move! I'm…I'm sinking?!"

"Hold still!" Shinji cried out his order as he ejected his umbilical and scrambled up the side of the nearby toppling tower he'd grabbed hold of. "I'm coming, Asuka, just hold still!" Leaping from building to building, he wasted no time in closing the gap, "Zero, get clear and stay clear. Mother, retract Two's damn umbilical, now!"

"Retracting," Maya's voice responded before Misato could issue the order.

Pulling out his knife in mid-air between two rooftops, Shinji dug it into the side of the next tower as a piton and slid down towards his teammate's outstretched hand, "Grab on." With her hand in his, he planted his feet against the building and looked into her cameras, "I got you. You won't fall." _Leliel, you either let her go, or I will have to hurt you. She didn't hurt you, you know she didn't. Let. Her. Go._

 _You're a liar! A liar!_ The now increasingly childish voice called out, _You said you wanted to talk, but you attacked. That's how you got them all, you're a liar!_

 _Fine. I'm sorry that we had to do it this way._ Forming his A.T. Field like a scoop, he stabbed it down into the core of Leliel's being under Unit-02's feet. Ignoring the pained cry of the Angel and Asuka's nervous panting, he pulled upwards. "Asuka, look at me. Look." When he felt her eyes on him, he smiled his warm, hope-filled smile, "I got you." The building began to crumble beneath his weight, but he saw Unit-02 slowly ascending.

Maya tried to remain calm, though her song was anything but. _Pup. That's going to give way._

 _I know. Remember, I love you._ Roaring with the effort, Shinji gave up on having both of them make it out. It felt like he was pulling on a rope attached to a speeding car. Like he was a toddler against a sumo. Still he pulled, still he lifted. He was not weak, he was no child. He was Duke Ikari. He was Paladin. He was the focal point for powers that defined and defied Creation. He would win, and nothing would stop him. With one final yank he saw her feet clear, but just as she was free, his footing gave way. Twisting, he threw her unceremoniously in the direction of her umbilical's departure and fell down into the Sea.

The last thing he heard over the radio before his head struck Leliel and disappeared into the Dirac Sea, was the woman he had just saved scream, " _NO!_ "

+++++ 12th Angel + 0: Sunday (80)

"You want me to just abandon him?!" As angry as she was, Asuka forgot that she could eject the umbilical that was steadily pulling her towards safety, "I am going to go back in there and I am pulling him out, just…we need more cable. Something. Rei, you can grab my ankles and-"

A broadcast on the emergency channel shattered what little concentration she had at that moment, "All points, all points, this is callsign Summer we are under attack. I repeat, we are under attack. Enemy air assault on the JSSDF Coast Guard Second Fleet. Say again, we are under attack."

"You are _fucking_ kidding me," Misato snapped. "Shigeru-kun, is this another twin Angel?"

"Negative, ma'am," the guitarist brought up the long-distance radar responsible for the area under assault. "Those are aircraft. Hundreds of them."

"Get me a line to the First." She began to triage, "Ikari, is that shadow getting larger?"

"No ma'am," Maya couldn't feel him. She couldn't hear him. For the first time in months, she was actually alone. She looked over to Ritsuko who looked back with both sympathy and sorrow, "It's…it's stable. We need time to analyze what it is." Her mind gained traction again, he needed her to act like the adult she was. He'd come back, he said he would, "I think the hole is what we need to focus on, it has the Pattern Blue, so it's the Angel."

"Fine, get to your lab and get him back. Asuka, Rei, pull back and refit. When we have a plan we'll let you know." Seeing Makoto roll his finger she picked up her headset, "This is Sub-Commander Katsuragi, to whom am I speaking?"

"Lieutenant Ross, ma'am, aboard the ' _Rainbow_ ," the familiar voice of Maria Ross responded. "Understand you are currently engaged in Anti-Angel operations. We read your ADN is currently offline, can you confirm?"

"Confirmed, Ross. Someone sabotaged it, and we damn near lost Paladin and his family before we pulled the plug. We turn it on and we can't guarantee it won't do more harm than good right now. Can you keep whatever idiots are knocking on our door busy? This is really not a good time to have company." Misato drummed her fingers on the counter, knowing the reply wouldn't be favorable. She could read the radar as well as anyone, there were a lot of unfriendly birds in the sky.

Ross' reply was a moment in returning, "We'll do what we can, ma'am. Admiral Drake recommends you down any bombers flying in your AO, we're only anticipating air-to-air action so we won't have anything that heavy in the air. If it's bigger than a Tomcat, have your Evas open fire."

"I'm turning you over to one of my people, Ross. Keep us in the loop," she pointed to Makoto. After he nodded and began speaking to the other officer aboard the fleet, she tossed aside her headset, "Ok. Asuka, Rei, new plan. Pull out the sniper rifles, keep your eyes upwards, and if it looks like a bomber shoot first and I don't care what the answers might have been. Shigeru, give them potential targets as far in advance as you can. You know their range, spot for them." She looked up to the Throne and found Kozo on the phone glaring at the screen behind her. Her eyes narrowed as she thought through her next steps, "Who the hell would be this stupid?"

+++++ 12th Angel + 0: Sunday (80)

Looking around at the nothingness surrounding him, Shinji sighed. _Leliel, now that I'm here and nobody else is bothering you, can we talk? I honestly do not wish to harm you, I promise. No desire to._ Silence sat heavily in his ears. Moving to switch his Eva's circuits to minimal draw, he paused, "Full power?" He tapped the button to bring up the estimated remaining battery life, and frowned, "All nines…how?" Switching off the cockpit recorders, he gave himself the privacy he hadn't had in some time. Or so he thought.

 _One would presume, Lover, that it's because you are powering the system yourself, using the power that Ireul gathered for you._ Nyx' sudden appearance behind him startled him, and caused her to laugh out an apology, _I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It's just, you're no longer in combat really. I thought I could keep you company while we think of how to convince the poor dear to let you go._

Letting his body flop back against the seat, he saw her move around to sit astride his lap, "Lily, please warn me when you're there? Do the shimmering thing, where it looks like moonlight gathering together, something!" Laughing with relief he reached up and ran his thumb along her cheek, "I'm sorry, you look upset. I don't mean to be snappy; you just scared a dozen years off my life."

 _…What did you call me?_ Her eyes narrowed, _Just now._

"L-Lily?" Drawing back his hand he held it up to vie for peace, "It's just…I call her Rose, because of her color. Since you're her…well not her opposite, but you two don't get along, I went for another flower that was beautiful but wasn't something that would be compared with roses. It just kind of…it popped into my head, really, if you don't like-"

 _Say it again._ Creeping up, she pressed her hands to his chest, _Please. Call me your Lily._

 _Are you, though?_ He could feel her agitation, and reached forward to hold her shoulders, _I mean_ 'my' _Lily. Are we still partners? Partners forgive each other, right? You're not upset because it's…close, to…you know…._

Her eyes glowed with need, and she pushed forward to lay her forehead against his, _Call. Me. Your. Lily._

With near to three months of almost constant training in understanding women, and a few years floating in the void to contemplate his life, Shinji still felt confident that he didn't know a single thing about them. _I'd like it if you were my Lily. If you helped me find a balance, a path forward._ He took a gamble and pulled her down into a kiss, _I think someone who was my Lily would want to do that._ Separating their lips, he set her back onto his lap, _Right now, I need to find a way out. I have people that need to know I'm ok, and that means I need to focus._

Slipping one hand against where she'd hurt him, long before, she let her fingers trail across his skin inside of the plugsuit, _I'll…I'll never hurt you again, Shinji. Not intentionally._ Her eyes held tears as she looked back up to him, _The woman with the sword is not the only one who needs to learn to control their temper. Looking on you as you are…._ She smiled, the first tear rolling down her cheek, _You've grown. I'm so proud of you, Shinji. So proud._ Blinking, attempting to clear away the tears, she floated back, _I'll go inform your wife that you are fine. Call out your children, ask them to help convince this one to stop sulking._

After his guest disappeared, Shinji shook his head, "Deeper than the ocean…I'm just lucky they're willing to swim across the surface." Giving the matter some thought, he decided that eloquence might succeed, _Israfel, do you have a moment?_ His lap was suddenly full again, though this time with two humanoid Aspects, the silvery twin closer than the golden, "Thank you. I was hoping that you might be able to talk to Leliel, help her see that we don't need to be enemies."

"We could," Gold tapped her lips with a finger, a playful sort of thoughtfulness.

Silver leaned over, stage-whispering, "But the Forgotten One is a little upset with all of us."

Both twins looked at him, wide-eyed with mock concern, "We said we agreed with our sister. Her actions have reduced the attacks on the dome significantly." He suddenly had two armfuls of pouting poetry made flesh, "We asked her if she thought we could help, if by reminding you of the joy of music you would be happier."

"Adam…is upset about that?" He needed their help, which meant he needed to help them in return, "I'll have a talk with him. I'd, well everyone seems to enjoy my playing. Maybe if you worked with me to make it so that I wasn't…angry? I guess? If I could play the cello without looking the way I do, that would make everyone happy."

"But _he_ says we shouldn't be such gluttons," Silver sighed, nuzzling Shinji's chest.

Gold batted her eyelashes up at him, "That we shouldn't ask for anything in return."

"But we saw how happy Ireul was," they purred as one. "We would like to feel that. To know the joy of completion."

"…So long as I can count on you when I need you," Shinji tried not to set too strict a tone, knowing that what they were asking for was the same as the woman he now thought of as 'Lily'. They needed food, essentially, like Ireul, and he had been starving them. "I may not always have the time to spend paying you in advance. I will try my best, though, to give you time for us to make…ok, that was about to come out inappropriately."

"Oh we'd be more than happy to help you with that instrument too," they both giggled. "But for now, we'll stick with the cello."

Silver looked upwards, _Sister, dear, you really shouldn't act so petulant. The Great One shares his boons with an even hand. Did you not just hear?_

Gold smiled, _A simple request. The matter was brought to his attention, and he eagerly sought a way to assure us that we were loved._ Her eyes glowed with joy, _Loved! Not tolerated, not 'accepted', but truly given love!_

 _He doesn't love you._ Leliel's response was petulant. _He loves that he's able to stick his thingy in you. That's all he wants._

Shinji's face blossomed red. It wasn't untrue that he'd had a thought of being with the twins like that after his near gaffe, which prompted the embarrassment, though it was certainly nowhere near the reason he loved the two halves of the singular Aspect.

 _Sister,_ they chastised her instantly, _we_ want him _to mate with us. He's thinking of that because we're bombarding him with the potential benefits of such a union. By granting us his touch, we could spread music and poetry throughout his world! He would remove the limitations placed upon us and give our bounty to all. Do not think him so crass as to only desire our flesh,_ two hands stroked his cheeks fondly, _he loves us for who we are. Flaws and all._

"I…wait," he looked between the twins, "you're…that's why I've…."

 _You are a rather retiring man, Great One,_ Gold smiled with a hint of awkwardness.

Silver suddenly found the control yoke incredibly interesting, _You might never have looked at us, had we not._

The world around him suddenly blurred and changed. Instead of sitting in Unit-01, with Israfel on his lap, he now sat unaccompanied inside a train's carriage. The bench he sat upon, the view of a setting sun outside of the carriage, everything provoked another memory he'd forgotten. Only this time…. "You…were a young boy, last time." Looking both ways down the car, he nodded, "Yes…."

Seated before him, looking far closer to him in age than he'd anticipated with the voice she had, was a surly teenage Angel, "Last time?" With long, unkempt, hair covering her right eye, and only her left glaring at him, she looked like the complete opposite of Ireul. Hair of such a deep blue that it was nearly black, and skin of the same dirty blonde as her sister's hair, "What are you talking about?"

Taking a deep breath, he folded his hands and tried to appear unhurried, "That's a long story, Leliel. Though if you're interested, I wouldn't mind sharing it." He offered her his warmest smile, "Maybe then you'll understand a bit better why I'm so…awkward."

+++++ 12th Angel + 0: Sunday (80)

"That's got to be the absolutely most idiotic thing I've ever heard in my life, and you should go jump into the damn Angel with a hand grenade yourself and see if it works to spare us any further 'good ideas'," Ritsuko berated the junior technician. With her hands on her hips, and her shoulders cocked forward, she still loomed over the smaller woman, "Read my lips. We are not. Going to. Detonate. The Angel." Pointing to Maya, she nearly jabbed the woman with her finger, "Her husband is in there, in case you forgot!"

"Steady," calmly taking the vicious digit and moving to lightly restrain her former supervisor, Maya further confounded everyone present. "We're still brainstorming, Rits. We can't do that if we're too busy focusing on what we _can't_ do that we miss out on good ideas that come from less-good ideas." Standing alongside the demi-blonde, gently hugging her, she kept her tone steady, "Our kohai are every bit as interested in getting him back as we are. So let's all calm down, and think. We're smart, we've got this."

"I-I really don't m-mean to threaten y-your husband, ma'am," the junior tech stammered out.

"You aren't, Mae-kun," she sighed. "Ok, everyone take five. Go get coffee, something to snack on, we'll reconvene and try to find a way around this problem." The room emptied rapidly, though not without small snatches of conversation that forced her to close her eyes to stop herself from rolling them. _They think that I'm in denial._ Still holding Ritsuko, she soothed her hand along the woman's back, "Thank you for standing up for him, Rits. But I'm serious, we need to let everyone speak up without chewing on their skulls."

The leggy blonde's response was abstracted, "I let him sink."

"I…no," moving to stand before the taller woman, she tilted her head, "nobody on the bridge could have stopped him from sinking. It was only because he's a force of nature that he managed to free Unit-02. The building gave way, he fell in. We know he's still in there, because the Angel's still here and not moving. The Evas are tough, we'll get him out."

"No," emerald eyes focused on grey, "I…I remember promising him in the pool. When he and I had our one and only swim lesson, I promised him I wouldn't let him sink." She slumped down into a chair, "I wondered why it sounded so familiar when I said that recently. Like I had said it before…damn it," kicking another of the wheeled chairs she sent it careening around the space.

 _She actually does find him exceedingly attractive, and not because of his changes._ Lily sat on the nearby computer console, _She was attracted to him when he first showed up. His mind, his heart._ Looking over to Maya, she shrugged, _She'd have molded him into a great scientist. Devoured every ounce of affection he offered, spent evenings rewarding his efforts with physical delights beyond what he then believed possible. After he changed, her affection lingered…though she began to harm herself for ruining everything. It was…fertile ground for me to twist her impulses from. I couldn't have easily manipulated her otherwise. I couldn't have, as an example, convinced the man pretending he's in charge around here to do the same without extensive efforts._

"It's going to be ok," Maya trusted the otherworldly presence, the earlier confirmation that her husband was calmly working on a solution to the problem. She just needed to buy everyone time, and appear engaged so as not to draw suspicion. "He knows that what happened wasn't you at your best." Sitting down, she took the other woman's hands and scooted in, lowering her voice, "Want to know a secret?"

Ritsuko's face showed her concern at Maya's calm demeanor, "You're taking this a little too well, ma'am."

"He's my husband," she shrugged. "I know he's alive, and I know he's going to win. It's what he does. He convinced this self-avowed lesbian farmgirl that she could not only love a man but that she was more than a hayseed. If he can manage that? He can climb out of a Dirac Sea. Now…secret?"

Groaning out a sigh, the scientist looked down at her feet and shrugged herself, "Sure. Maybe it'll distract me from this…."

Maya leaned in further, whispering with their heads almost touching, "He thinks you are physically gorgeous." When her target flinched, looking up with confusion written all over her face, she pressed on, "The only reason he wasn't interested in pursuing anything with you is that he knew the woman he was interacting with wasn't you. His words, honest to apples, 'She has this aura. Going beyond the fantastic intellect that I couldn't ever match, and the body that shows how hard she works out, there's this…feeling. She's in control. She knows what she's doing, and she's going to do it. Solve a mathematical equation I couldn't even read? Do it. Come up with a way to improve Unit-00's knee actuators? Do it. Teach a raging idiot how to swim…she'll do it. She says she will, she will'." She let her smile become accepting, "He said a large part of his poor reaction to everything was that it was something he'd dreamed of doing being twisted into something that would hurt both you and him. If you hadn't been so obviously unwell…I would have had serious competition."

Sagging back, Ritsuko laughed morosely, "Great. I had a chance at your husband, and blew it because my mind is a traitorous bitch." Staring at the lights in the ceiling, she snorted, "How was that supposed to help me feel better, again? Now I know that you think I'm a threat, and-"

"Who says you're a threat?" Maya nudged her compatriot with her toes. "He's mine. But," she nudged her again until the woman looked at her, "if we get him back…maybe the three of us can go swimming. I'm a little small to teach him without fear of drowning. The two of us can work together, spend some time getting to know each other." Tilting her head cutely to one side, she smiled in the way she knew Ritsuko found appealing, "Maybe have some dinner…just the three of us. There are more secrets that we only share with those who prove themselves trustworthy. Things that might help you understand everything better."

Emerald eyes tried to make sense of what was clearly an offer of some sort, "Are you…."

"Offer's only valid if we get my husband back," she quirked her lips with an air of 'Well then?' about her. "Can't teach a dead man how to…swim."

Lily laughed as she applauded what was an undeniably airtight explanation for Maya's behavior. The elder wife playing the 'I will give anything, including intimate access to the man I love, to get him back' card was a masterstroke, and would throw everyone well off of her scent. _I knew you were my favorite, Kitten. Oh, I am going to have him do things to us that should be illegal across the galaxy._

+++++ 12th Angel + 0: Sunday (80)

Rei gently depressed the trigger, shooting down another long-range bomber with a projectile that would, if she calculated correctly, land somewhere in the ocean. "They are not evading." Maintaining her scan of the skies above, she began to feel doubts as to how successful they were in actually accomplishing anything.

"I noticed that too," Asuka grimaced. "Hey, do we have any idea who these assholes even are?"

"Sorry, kids," Misato's reply was filled with irritation. "They've all been painted to obscure identifying markers. We know the most common airframe is in use by twelve nations, and several of them are only in use by individual countries. Problem is, none of those individual countries are unable to account for their gear. Stay sharp, we've got another wing breaking through the Fleet's defensive line. ETA three minutes."

"I am…not pleased that we have to end human lives," Rei replied with a soft voice. "Shinji will not be pleased."

"He'd be unhappier if you died because you didn't defend yourself," Asuka replied, not unkindly. "We're shooting them far enough out that the rubble isn't hitting land, and we didn't start this fight. We protect ourselves, we protect the city, he'll be more worried about us having to do it. So keep focused on saving innocent lives, Blue. It's what he'd tell us to do."

+++++ 12th Angel + 0: Sunday (80)

"You…aren't lying," Leliel had lifted her knees to her chest, sitting on her bench and rocking back and forth. "You didn't know what you were doing."

"I _don't_ know what I'm doing," Shinji corrected with a self-deprecating laugh. "I'm trying my best, Leliel. I swear I am. Your brothers and sisters want to help me build a world, a universe, that doesn't force people to murder each other. A place we can all live our own lives, not necessarily in harmony, but at least without hurting each other."

"Creation _is_ enormous, room for everyone out there," she nodded. "But…what about Father?" Pointing to his chest, the teenaged Angel set one foot back down on the floor, "He's calling to me. He wants me to free him so that we can purge this world of Lilith's touch, set it on its rightful course."

Averting his eyes, as the young woman was displaying undergarments without thinking, Shinji shook his head, "I think that's a form of contamination. I'd have to go into my soul, speak to Adam, but even if I did that you'd have to trust that I was being honest when I returned. He's the one Aspect that I can't summon, it seems. At least, whenever I think about how I'd go about it the Song just slips from my head."

"What…am I not pretty enough?" Stamping her other foot down, she stood up, "You think about _her_ , you think about Israfel, but I show you a little something and you turn away? Am I not even good enough to be a side-dish? Is that it?"

Whipping his head back to face her, he waved his hands frantically, "No, no! I mean, wait!" Standing up, he spread his hands, "I'm just trying to be polite. It's rude to stare at someone's underwear!" His thoughts regarding the woman before him were, he agreed, rather muddled. She would be cute, perhaps even pretty, if she took any care of herself. However, her hair was tangled, her skin showed no signs of attention being paid to it, and her clothing was rumpled. She was a being of the Night and was used to not being seen by anyone, it showed in the level of care she took of herself. "Please, I promise you I'm not trying to be demeaning, I'm just trying to not offend you."

"…Prove it." Stepping forward, she stood directly in front of him, "Kiss me, like you did _her_." Pointing down the carriage, she drew his attention to a replay of the kiss he'd given Lily to settle her down. "Show me you're not just trying to sweet talk me into joining, and then…and then explain to me what an Aspect is."

 _What is my life anymore?_ Putting paid to his assertions, he slowly placed his hand behind her head, and the other on her shoulder, "I can't kiss you like I do her, because I barely know you. But I'll try, if that's what you want."

+++++ 12th Angel + 0: Sunday (80)

"Most of our planes are some distance away, Commander," the Russian Defense Minister apologized. "We sent what we could from our eastern bases, and I assure you the rest are on their way, but physics are what they are."

"We appreciate your efforts, sir," he wanted nothing more than to say that at the moment it wasn't a guarantee that they'd still be present when further reinforcements arrived, but that wouldn't be helpful. So, instead, Kozo focused on winning the fights he could, "Madame Secretary, Admiral Drake is feeling confident that these forces are from both the Chinese and American militaries. Their coordination is poor as a whole, with two halves functioning far better in small groups than as a unified force. Might I ask where either of those members are?"

"Ambassador Zhú is dead," the matronly German announced with as much emotion as you'd anticipate from a cement wall. "Ambassador Stanley has been arrested attempting to flee the city. My understanding is his own Counselors were responsible for not only turning him over, but tracking him down. They are cooperating with the UNIGC to go through his office for evidence without unduly damaging their foreign relations."

"We have cut these units off from our strategic satellite networks, and revised all of our codes, Commander," a purely American lady of indeterminate rank announced. Her accent was abominable, but her words were understandable, "I have ordered all remaining Pacific forces to steam west at full speed. Much like my counterpart from Moscow, they may not arrive soon. Once there, we will integrate them with the First Fleet to provide a larger buffer and to ensure that all troublemakers have been located and neutralized."

Kozo tried to place the woman, and came up blank, "You will forgive my skepticism, madam…?"

"My apologies, Commander," the woman's smile was wry. "Retired General Winter, currently acting as Secretary of Defense for the United States of America. We've had something of an…incident, back home. I'm sure you'll read about it in the papers tomorrow morning after we settle everyone down. I'd be in more professional clothes, were it not for the fact that I was on vacation until about an hour ago. I'm teleconferencing from a ways north of your base, in fact. The hiking here is gorgeous."

He made a note to find out about this General's background, considering no one was supposed to be able to enter the nation at all, "And this 'incident', would it be far-fetched to assume it was related to our current entertainment?"

She shrugged, "Everything's related to everything else somehow, Commander. It's a small world, after all."

+++++ 12th Angel + 0: Sunday (80)

"How has it been this long and we don't have any plans to get him back?" Asuka stomped her foot, shaking large sections of the old city, "We've been up here playing Duck Hunt while he's in there alone, waiting for us to get off our asses and save him!"

"Please do not disturb my aim," Rei was tired, not in the physical sense but the emotional. She had been killing humans for hours, and each time she pulled the trigger she began to wonder if she had made a mistake. She had felt pulled to him, felt his allure, and she had denied it. Had she given herself to him, regardless of their potential degree of relation, might he have had the strength to free himself? Would her power have given him the edge he needed? If he were here, he might have used his songs to prevent bloodshed. Instead…instead she killed.

Asuka watched as her wingman fired at a speck on the horizon, "You got him, stop worrying." Mentally timing the path of the projectile, she waited for the puff of smoke. And waited. …And waited. "Did you miss?"

"Ma'am, we are reading a new unidentified pattern approaching at high speed," Shigeru's voice was showing signs of wear, the man had been talking nearly constantly to update them on their targets. "Makoto, can you get one of the AWACS to put eyes on the following coordinates?"

Asuka squared her sights, "Fire another round, Rei. Firing in three, two, one, firing."

The enormous metal slugs lanced outwards from both Eva's rifles, each slicing through the sky towards the now distinctly v-shaped target. Asuka's struck first by virtue of the target approaching on a vector that came nearer to her, the projectile rolling down and harmlessly aside. Rei's second shot fared no better.

The redhead frowned in disbelief, "Uhm, Misato…I think that thing has an A.T. Field."

"Confirmed," Makoto's voice shook, "that plane is carrying Unit-03!"

+++++ 12th Angel + 0: Sunday (80)

"So I could become an Aspect?" Sitting next to Shinji, the Twelfth Angel traced runes along his palm. She had accepted his apology after he had complimented her hair color, and was now leaned up against him in possession of his arm, "And you would…you would sing my Song?" Her eyes, pale blue sclera with pure white irises, shone with hope, "You'd call me, and I'd be allowed to show people the peacefulness of the Night?"

"Is that what your Domain is?" He hadn't put a great deal of thought into what power he'd gain, just in stopping her from destroying the world, "The Night?" Looking out at the twilight she'd painted the horizon, he smiled, "I've come to love the night, lately. It's quiet, it's calm. Everyone's asleep, safe and happy, and I can take my time to think through things. I can talk to myself without seeming like I'm insane." He smiled down at her, "I didn't use to. I thought it was a bit scary. But now? Now I know that it's just peaceful."

"Will I live somewhere nice?" She hugged his arm, "…Maybe somewhere I can work with Sahaquiel?"

"So long as you're nice to her," Shinji nodded. "She's…still recovering. She was terrified that she'd hurt me, and I've done what I can to help her calm down, but it's a work in progress. I'd love to see how the two of you work together, the kinds of night skies you can create. I bet it will be beautiful."

"So I'll see you, then," her eyes locked on his, nervousness and anger hiding just beyond the surface, "you promise you'll come see me?"

"I will. I'm going to be sleeping more often, I hope, and that means trips into my mind, or my soul. I'm sure that Ireul will not mind if I don't spend every moment with her and her alone," he laughed. "She'll get bored of me pretty quick, I'm not the most interesting conversationalist as you've noticed."

"…I like talking to you." Leliel huffed, "If she doesn't see that you're just nervous around pretty girls than that's her loss."

"Exceedingly nervous," he agreed easily. "So…you know what I have to do?"

She nodded slowly, "It's going to hurt."

"I promise I'll make it as quick as possible." He sought to reassure her, "If you can position your core in Unit-01's hands, I know I can be done with it really, really fast. You'll be in my soul, I'll ask that Sahaquiel and Israfel are there to greet you, and once I'm done soothing everyone's nerves in my world I'll even come and visit you to make sure you have a place to call your own."

She drew her fingers down his hand, "…And you'll give me another kiss?"

"If you work with me," he folded his fingers over hers, "I'll give you two." It was a small price to pay to not have to wait another however many hours for Unit-01 to get bored and do whatever it did last time, and if she enjoyed such a simple display of affection then that would be the reward he'd give her. It wasn't like she was asking him to marry her.

+++++ 12th Angel + 0: Sunday (80)

Asuka watched with growing unease as the bomber crashed purposefully into the ground she had been occupying before Misato ordered her to not risk testing her A.T. Field against Unit-03's. "So…anybody have any idea about the pilot?" She tossed aside her sniper rifle and picked up the standard version, "Anyone?"

"Shigeru, give me every conceivable channel that Unit has." Misato felt terrible for having a momentary bout of joy, if this went south…at least Shinji wouldn't be here for it. Receiving the green light, she spoke with all of the command she could muster, "Unknown Evangelion, you are ordered to stand down. We are engaged in combat against-"

"I can't." A dejected, bone weary, male voice cut her off, "If I don't kill you…he'll kill me."

"Well, if you try to kill us, _we'll_ kill you," Asuka snarled. "So maybe you should stand down and let's talk about this."

"I can't." Unit-03 reached back and grabbed its knife, "If I don't-"

The redhead had heard enough, "Misato, who is this Klappspaten? Can I just shoot him?"

"Suzuhara," she had to try one more time. She had to at least face Shinji with a clean conscience. "If you stand down, we will protect you. Deactivate your Eva, do not fight the personnel we send to retrieve you, and we will guarantee your safety."

"Suzuhara?" Asuka scoffed, "The guy who tried to punch Shinji?"

"I can't." The dark blue giant charged…making it two steps before both Unit-02 and Unit-00 opened fire, tearing apart the lower midsection of their target.

Both NERV pilots had more combat experience, more training, and were far more intelligent than their 'enemy'. The outcome was ultimately a product of those contributing factors. Neither lady had her Field down, and both cooperated in concert to destroy any defense Toji might have known to erect. Unit-03 was, in short order, missing its right leg and most of its left, its hips and lower abdomen were barely intact, and it was gushing blood all over the city street.

The screaming was horrendous.

"You…." Misato hadn't given the order. They had planned, counter-planned, and planned around the counter-plans for this contingency, and in the end…her two weakest pilots simply did not care that they were facing a 'peer'. "Makoto, can you jam his communications?"

The cries of agony were silenced, "Yes, ma'am." The bespectacled bridge bunny was in just as great a state of disbelief as his dream date. These two teenaged women were, without question, remorseless killing machines.

"Thank you," Asuka sighed in irritation. "Ok. Rei, let's go see if we can pry the entry plug free. The residual pain will be a beast, but we can at least remove this threat from the field." Walking over, she kicked away the loose prog knife their new 'friend' had dropped after finding out that battle isn't just charging in with your pants down. "I'll grab his right arm, you get his left."

Hustling up to the bridge, Ritsuko and Maya looked on in horror as Units -00 and -02 manhandled Unit-03 onto its belly. The Chief Scientist and former Chief Scientist looked to Misato, who simply shrugged. Cutting her microphone, she pointed to the screen, "I didn't even have to order them to fire. He charged, they shot him without hesitation. I think they held back to be _nice_ and not because they cared he was a pilot."

"Rear panel's stuck," the flame-haired pilot groaned. "This guy thought he was worthy of Hikari?" Stepping back, she took the hand Rei was holding, "I've got his arms. Use your knife and pry that panel off."

"Stop them!" Maya ran over to re-engage the microphones, "It's a Trojan Horse!"

Makoto gasped, "Second Pattern Blue! It's an Angel!"

Before anyone on the bridge could speak into the renewed connection, Rei had pried the panel off and was greeted not with an entry plug, but with a face full of Bardiel.

+++++ 12th / 13th Angel + 0: Sunday (80)

Back within Unit-01, taking a moment to make certain he had kept his word, Shinji closed his eyes and turned his attention inwards, _Israfel?_ As before, when he opened his eyes he was greeted by a pair of twins sitting coyly on his legs, "Your sister will be joining you soon. Please have Sahaquiel there to greet her. I would take it as a kindness if both of you spent some time with them, helping them find a place to share their art. Leliel says she enjoys her company, and I know that Sahaquiel is a little timid. You two are wonderful facilitators, and I know you can overcome her timidity."

"For you, Great One," the pair winked with opposing eyes.

"I will be down to visit once everything's calm in my world. I promise I will spend some time with everyone, so long as everyone behaves and cooperates." He raised his eyebrow, "People who don't work, don't get rewards. That's true of me too, so don't think I'm playing favorites." He was the recipient of a kiss on each cheek, and was then alone again. Looking out into the void, he held his hands out, _Ok, Leliel. Whenever you are ready._

+++++ 12th / 13th Angel + 0: Sunday (80)

For the second time in as many minutes, Asuka found herself listening to a horrendous scream of agony. However, unlike the first time, she couldn't just shoot the problem and make it go away. She knew Shinji cared about Rei. She knew he wanted nothing more than to make the poor bluenette's life better. She herself had pretended as best she could to care, she'd honestly tried. She wasn't making shallow promises; she would have taken her fellow pilot shopping for make-up…or made a meal…anything to show that she was interested in being a part of a team. To have him look at her and say she was a good person. "M-Misato?"

Reflexes saved her from being struck by the now possessed Unit-00's prog knife. Sliding backwards, then rolling to the right, she tried to put distance between her and what she at first believed was an Eva piloted by someone who was flailing in pain. When the attacks came closer and closer to actually connecting, she realized that not only had her fellow pilot been compromised, she had potentially been commandeered.

"Misato can you eject the damn plug? Get Rei out of there!" Switching from dodging to defense, she grabbed her foe's wrists and willed Unit-02 to overpower Unit-00, "Come on you tinker toy piece of garbage, you want to fight? We'll fight."

"The Eva's not accepting the signal," Maya slapped the console. _It's happening again. We're going to have to kill another pilot._ Looking up she faced her sub-commander, "It says the signal's gone through, but nothing's happening. It's not throwing back any error codes, so there's nothing to override."

"Asuka…don't hesitate." Misato felt her heart breaking, "We're going to try whatever we can think of, but Unit-00 is not responding to commands. Target has been…target has been designated as the Thirteenth Angel. You need to eliminate it."

 _Can you do nothing?_ Lily sat down next to the computer Maya was typing away at. _Please, do not feed me lies. I am running very low on time to recover the piece of my soul before I have no choice other than to reset this timeline. If she cannot be saved…I will have to act. Bardiel will not listen to me, I am her sworn enemy at the moment._

"Rits," Maya answered in a roundabout way, "are you seeing anything? I tried the failsafe, the dummy connection, even the auxiliary disconnect for the umbilical so we could wait out the battery. Every signal is being shown as accepted, but there's nothing."

The demi-blonde was one row back typing faster than her former protégé, "Nothing. We've spent all of this time patching potential exploits, and now that we need one we don't have any left." She shook her head, "If there's a solution, it's physical and not logical."

 _What if we threw her into the other Angel to buy time? Would we get her back when Shinji returns?_ Maya couldn't look away from her screen to see, but she knew the answer before she heard it.

 _It's no more likely than recovering any of the other materials she's absorbed. Once he comes out, everything else will be forever locked in a rapidly evaporating abscessed pocket of Creation without any chance of escape until it's destroyed by entropy. I'd count your blessings that anything but him inside there is already dead._ Lily reached over and laid her hand lightly on Maya's arm, _I am sorry, Kitten…know that this is not your fault._

"She's dead." Maya whispered, "Unless Asuka can somehow scrape the Angel off…we don't have time to deprogram the entire OS." Looking over to the stone-faced woman beside her, she fought back her own tears, "I'm sorry."

+++++ 12th / 13th Angel + 0: Sunday (80)

Rei couldn't stop from screaming. She knew, logically, that screaming would do nothing, but it hurt beyond her ability to restrain herself. She could feel the corruption caused by the Angel as it crept through her Evangelion's systems, each node coming closer and closer to the section containing her physical body. She needed to move her arms, but they would not listen. She needed to move her fingers, but they heard no commands. Even her cries of agony were autonomic, as she did not wish to scream…her body was simply no longer her own.

 _I'm sorry,_ the voice of the pink-skinned woman sounded close enough to touch, if her hands were so inclined to obey. _I'm so sorry, little one. This was not how things were meant to be._

 _Little ever follows our designs…Rose._ Rei tried to feel surprise, this new person looked like her, only…different. Pain, though, was all she could feel. _I know this far better than anyone else. Hello, Child of my flesh. I too am sorry._

The woman called Rose moved aggressively towards the copy that called itself 'mother', _You-_

 _Please,_ the mother held up her hand to stop Rose, _I am not without pity. Had I the power to stop this, I would. If for no other reason than the love he bears for her, I would stop this._ Her hand lowered as she turned back to consider Rei, _I promise you, Child, I will let you join in his Glory. I will not allow you to disappear. You will be a part of me again, and through me you will feel his touch._

Through a force of will she didn't know she could summon, she screamed out her question, "HE LOVES ME?"

 _Oh, little one,_ Rose nodded, tears in her eyes, _he loves you so._

The mother smiled, sorrow etched on her face, _He sent you those messages because he wanted you to be a part of his life, Child. He fought for your freedom, for love. He let you choose to avoid him, for love. Every act was done with love in mind, even those times he chastised you._

"Shinji loves you, Rei," Maya's voice broke as she responded. "I…I swear he'll never forgive me for failing you."

Rei saw out of the corner of her eye the woman she'd believed the better mate for him typing desperately at her keyboard. She knew that even now Maya was trying to save her life. The life she had long believed worthless. The life she'd only recently begun to live. She heard Misato giving constant strings of instruction to the redhaired bitch. She could hear in her 'guardians' voice the pain those instructions caused her when she issued them. It was clear the woman she lived with hated herself for what she was doing.

 _I will make the pain stop, Child,_ the mother gently caressed her face. _When he returns…I will tell him of your love for him._

 _…We,_ Rose let her anger die. _We will tell him, little one. We will comfort him as he weeps for your loss. I will fight by his side, we will find those who caused this…they will suffer._

 _On that, dear Child,_ the mother's visage grew grim, _we agree._ Closing her eyes, her last statement seemed to be a non sequitur, _Two in as many days…._

She felt a light touch on her chest, a moment of fear…and then the pain stopped.

+++++ 12th / 13th Angel + 0: Sunday (80)

The entire process of emerging from a three-dimensional shadow of a two-dimensional abstract concept made Shinji's skin crawl. As Unit-01 tore Leliel's core in two, the shadow itself was rent asunder. By necessity, the fluidic substance that had floated around him came along for the journey as he returned to what he recognized as the real world. Covered in gore and blinded by the bright skies above, he did not notice the tragedy that had played out before he spoke, "That could have gone better."

"Oh, Mein Gott, Shinji!" It was the way Asuka said the words that shut him up, though the follow up cry would have done as much, "Help me!"

Other people spoke. He knew that they did, because his ears gave the impulses associated with the minute pressure changes that send information to the brain. He processed nothing that was said, but he knew they spoke. Standing there, fighting against an oddly proportioned Unit-00, near a dismembered Unit-03, was Unit-02. He blinked. The memory of Unit-03's infested form superimposed itself over Unit-00. The very Unit-03 that was now laying in three pieces on the ground.

 _She's dead,_ Maya's voice broke through the split-second paralysis. _She's dead, Pup. You have to save Asuka, or she'll die too._

The space between Unit-01 and Unit-00 disappeared. Grabbing the cyclopean faceplate where the Angel had first made contact, he set his other hand on the current resting place of the core of the fungal mess he knew was Bardiel, _You killed her._

A confused reply sounded in his mind, _I…Father? I…I did…I don't-_

Twisting his fingers into a clawed fist, he gripped the exobiological mass covering the entry plug and crushed it to its component atoms with his A.T. Field, eliminating the threat. Holding up Unit-00 by its head, he shifted his grip and gently laid the blue and white giant on the ground, "Two. Status."

"Pissed off," came the scorching reply. "My hands feel like they were coated in acid, my throat burns, and I think I'm going to take it out on someone deserving." Coughing, she went to move around him towards the still form of Unit-03. Stopping when he lifted his hand, she snapped, "He brought the damn thing here! I'm going to stomp him into paste, Shinji."

"You're going to cover me while I extract Rei." He moved to lay down by her side, "Where is the evac bird, Mother?"

Misato repeated the same thing she'd said four times, unheard by his too-focused mind, "We still don't have air superiority, Paladin. Do not evacuate your Eva. I repeat, stay in your Eva. There are unfriendly birds in the sky. Anything we send out is only asking to get shot down, killing everyone aboard."

"Unfriendly…." Sitting on one knee, he frowned, "We were sabotaged. The AA guns turned on us, you shut them down…they fly in Unit-03 while we're unprotected. Why not drop…no, they had no major ground forces to summon." Standing back up, he scanned the skies, "Where?"

"Shinji, you need to plug in an umbilical," Asuka grabbed his shoulder, "without power you could get hurt."

"Even with power…I can get hurt," he replied darkly. "Mother…no. I don't have enough control. Fine, we're coming home." Picking up Rei, he snapped her power cable off with a small twist of his fingers, "Where's the nearest elevator?"

Misato shook her head, "Negative, Paladin, that Eva's contaminated. The Angel-"

His roared reply caused her to wince, " _THE ANGEL IS DEAD!_ " His gaze held nothing but rage and pain, "I killed them both. We are coming home."

"Go to Hotel Six Six, Paladin," Maya set a waypoint on his HUD. "I'll meet you there with a hazmat team. We'll need you to cover us while we cut her out of there, how copy?"

He nodded, setting off on his new course, "Solid copy, oscar mike." Looking back to Toji's broken form, he left the young man's fate to someone else to decide. He no longer cared…the decisions he'd made regarding him had all turned out terribly. "Two…you finish things up here."

Asuka's smile promised nothing but pain, "With pleasure."

+++++ 13th Angel + 0: Sunday (80)

Thirty minutes later, Maya worked quickly with a team of volunteers, engineers and medical personnel, to burn away the lingering remnants clogging the entry plug's path and extract what she knew to be a corpse. She had heard nothing from Nyx after Rei stopped screaming, and nothing from Rose either. She was, she knew, in the safest spot on Earth…and yet felt more exposed than ever. Crouching above the team like an athlete waiting for the next play was Unit-01, her husband poised to eliminate any potential threat before it began.

"Control circuit's melted," the senior engineer scowled. "Bypassing…give me five minutes."

"Take your time," Shinji replied, his tone emotionally dead. "Don't make the situation worse by rushing."

"Roger that, sir," the man looked over to Maya, receiving a nod and beginning his work.

 _You will not like what you see in here, Pup._ She tried to prepare him, _There's no need to watch. When we open it up…just…just remember her as she was._ Receiving no reply, she looked up to peer at Unit-01's face, _Pup?_

 _Sahaquiel._

Shigeru's voice cut over the line, "Paladin, you have a wing of bombers coming in…" He paused as a series of explosions marked their passing, "Right…uhm, right there."

Unit-01 hadn't moved at all, "Targets neutralized. Please continue to monitor the skies, Shigeru-san."

"NERV Forces, this is Stryga Squadron. We are approaching from the north and west, please hold your fire." Russian-accented clipped Japanese repeated itself, "I say again, NERV Forces, this is Stryga Squadron. We are approaching from the north and west, please hold your fire. Please contact Admiral Lazarev if further confirmation is required."

"They're friendly," Makoto sent after. "Stryga, please send your mission plans on the following channel…."

Shinji could feel the roar of the more than twenty fighter jets as they raced overhead. _Sahaquiel, Ramiel, mark them as friendly. No harm is to come to them._

The proud fury of Thunder replied with a rumble, _As you say, Great One._

 _I won't let them be hurt,_ the youngest of the Aspects promised. _I won't!_

"Asuka, Shinji," Misato was trying her hardest to be maternal. "They're taking up responsibility for our immediate air defense. Admiral Drake feels that with the Americans cramping the enemy from the east and south, and our forces containing everything, we can bring you back home."

"Negative, Mother. Zero is still trapped. Standing by until all my pilots are recovered from the field. Two, park it in the barn." Sounding nothing but like a male Rei with a grasp of jargon, Shinji remained on autopilot, "Please inform Stryga Zero Three and One Five that there are five aggressors approaching from their three o'clock low."

"Let him be, Sub-Commander," Kozo's voice was audible through his connection to Misato. "He's found something to do, and he'll come in once the body is recovered. He knows his duty."

"Got it," the engineer working on breaching the Eva's security stated calmly. "Ok, everyone stand clear, the plug might eject-" He paused as Unit-01's enormous finger positioned itself to prevent further harm from a mishap, "aggressively."

"Dropping this filth by the platform, folks. Doubt a headless and limbless torso can do much, but I'd recommend being careful anyway," Asuka's anger was burning fitfully now, her displeasure at everything mollified somewhat by having been able to take it out on Unit-03. When she spoke again, though, her voice was soft as summer rain, "Hey…Paladin, you need a hand over there?"

Shinji helped carefully guide Rei's coffin out, "Negative, Two. Please report to medical for an evaluation. We don't know what effect contact with either Angel might have had on you."

"…Roger." She set a private channel, looking at him with far more affection than she'd ever shown him in either life, "Shinji…I'll be waiting for you in medical, ok? Don't leave a lady waiting long."

"Understood." Laying the plug where it could be easily accessed, he shifted his hands back and out of the way, "Standing by for containment."

Both medics had hustled over, the faster of the two raising the physical lever to begin gaining entry. Maya wasn't far behind, moving slower in the bulky protective gear than either of the other, larger, people present. Between the two men they were able to force the door open after a minute or so of grunting exertions, not caring about the LCL that flooded out of the plug as it soaked the three personnel. Unlike Maya, the two had a professional obligation to hope that their talents would be useful.

When that hope crashed and burned before their eyes, Shinji's mind finally reconnected with his body, "How many people died today?"

"Say again, Paladin?" Misato's response showed her own sorrow wasn't fully repressed, "We didn't catch that."

"Three thousand two hundred and fifty six in Nevada. How many today?" His oddly colored eye crackled with energy as he watched the three humans below discuss how best to extract the woman he'd failed, "How many more before people are safe? How many must die because I…because I…."

"This isn't your fault," Kozo's voice replaced Misato's. "Unless you are secretly working with SEELE, collaborating with Lorenz Keel or whoever this 'Perfume' is, all you have done is fight harder than anyone to save lives. The death of anyone is tragic, you and I agree wholeheartedly on this, but you cannot equate today's madness with the insanity in Nevada, or with the loss of our dear friend and ally. None of these fall on your shoulders, and everyone here grieves with you. Come in when you're ready. My door will be open, we'll talk. We'll drink to her memory, and we'll curse the fools who set these terrible events in motion. But I promise you, giving in to the anger you are feeling right now will only lead to more suffering. You're better than that, son. I know you are."

The flames died, snuffed before they could gain traction, _I…I failed._ Standing up, he walked to the nearby lift, positioning himself to descend. _I failed everyone._

+++++ 13th Angel + 0: Sunday (80)

"It's going to be a long night," Kodama sighed, taking a long drink of her coffee.

Suzuka nodded, her few attempts at contacting Shinji having been met with silence. The pair sat watching as Tsuru and Hikari grieved for their classmate, with nothing else for any of them to do but sit inside of the corpsmen's facility and wait for the all clear to be sounded. By the time everything had begun, it was too late to move them all to a shelter, and the entirety of the base had been designated a target, so the willowy swordswoman gathered those of her charges she could and left it at that. Nozomi and Sakura lay cuddled in the room next to the two teens, fast asleep after crying themselves dry. She knew the redheaded attendant was in surgery, and the redheaded pilot was in a nearby room.

Both women looked to the door as it opened, gaining their feet as Shinji walked into the room looking as if he'd aged ten years. His plugsuit was ill-fitting, his hair now down to between his shoulders, and it was obvious that he hadn't showered off any of the LCL. As fast as they were to move, Green was faster, the corpsman rushing over, "Whoa, brother-man, come over here bud." Unsuccessful in trying to guide Shinji towards the showers he settled for jumping in front of him and holding his arms out, "C'mon bud, talk to me. What's hurting?"

Pushing past the much smaller man, and ignoring both of the women he lived with, as well as the sound of his name from his wife and classmate, the tortured soul moved to the room none of them expected him to approach. Standing up from the bed she'd been resting in, Asuka had her door open just as he arrived. Eyeing the rest of the people with a scowl that warned of an unmerciful death if they approached, she slid it shut after he'd passed through.

Finding her voice, Suzuka moved over and pulled the exterior curtain closed, cutting off any line of sight on the man she loved, "There are experiences that simply cannot be explained to those who have not lived through them." Standing guard, she planted herself before a sea of hurt expressions, "Those who have not lost an ally in combat should not judge those who have. Those who have not been forced _to kill_ an ally, should remain silent and appreciate their good fortune."

Kodama was the first to recover, patting her cheek firmly, "You're right. We all shut down when Daddy died." She looked to Hikari, "We all leaned on each other as sisters for weeks. If he needs to speak to the only other person on Earth to know what he saw, then we need to get over ourselves. Wife, girlfriend, housemate…doesn't matter. We weren't there, we don't understand _right now_. We'll have our chance to help, but right now he needs someone who was there."

"But why her?" Hikari wiped her eyes angrily, "She didn't seem all that bothered when she came in here."

"Because she's a functional sociopath," Suzuka shrugged. "Having worked with more than one, I would place a reasonably decent wager that would be the diagnosis." She looked over to the medical professionals in the room, "Is he in danger?"

"Brother-man would tear her apart in a fight," Green rubbed his neck. "Psychologically…no comment."

"This is a temporary fix," Kodama insisted. "We're not moving them in together. They understand each other, like you said."

+++++ 13th Angel + 0: Sunday (80)

 _He's touching you._

Asuka grit her teeth, _He's crying. I have waited my entire life for someone to look to me like he does. Shut. Up._

 _You misunderstand me, he's going to touch you._

She gently stroked his hair, not caring that he was covering her in LCL again, _And? If…if he needs a little affection to cope with losing someone that he cared about…._ She felt his head move, her heartrate accelerating as she wondered if he was going to kiss her neck, then settling as he spoke instead.

His voice was hoarse, his soul in his tone, "I failed you both…."

"Shh, shh, Bärchen," _You need to shut up, Frau Marlowe. I'm having a hard enough time holding the phone and him at the same time. If he hears you, and leaves, I will_ never _forgive you._ "You didn't fail me; you didn't fail Rei. You are not to blame. That…disgusting filth is. He didn't warn us. He let himself be used to try and kill innocents. You fought to save us. Do not compare yourself to him."

 _He doesn't love you._

The broken sound of his sobs echoed in the closed-off room. She felt his hands clutching at her torso, a drowning man clinging to a life preserver. His shuddering coughs accidentally sent his thumbs teasing ever closer to her breasts, her arms occasionally 'accidentally' bumping against his to encourage them to lift his hands nearer, "I'm here, Bärchen. I'm here for you." _I'm hanging up._ "However you need, I'm here."

+++++ 13th Angel + 0: Sunday (80)

"It was not a good day, sir," Admiral Drake's stony face aptly demonstrated the understatement over the video teleconference. "We suffered serious losses, and will be relying on units not normally assigned to international missions for the foreseeable future. Trust is going to be something of an issue between my teams."

"I do not wish to contemplate what would have happened had you not been present, Admiral." Kozo sat with a drink in his hand, untouched, "Please send me a list of names, I will add what little influence I can to whatever awards, commendations…or condolences."

"That is appreciated." The old sailor looked down at his notes, taking a moment to collect his thoughts, "There's never a good time to ask this question, so I hope you'll forgive me being forthright." Looking back to his fellow leader, he ran his tongue over his molars, then sighed, "Did we just lose this war?"

"It certainly hasn't been made easier," the old professor finally took a sip. "The loss of Unit-00, even in only a support capacity, is not necessarily crippling, but it will be felt. Unit-03…my pilot rendered it to mostly scrap, but the entire Unit was next to worthless to begin with. The big question is how _he_ recovers. He's the most mature seventeen year old I've ever met…at times."

"Ultimately, he's still seventeen." Admiral Drake picked up his hat to examine it, "I'll write him a letter. I'd fly out and have a talk with him in person, but I'll be needed where I am for far too long. I'm certain that several of the other Admirals will be inclined to do so as well. This…SEELE…." His eyes seemed to gaze off into the distance beyond the camera, "We had no intelligence indicating they had anti-Eva bioweapons. This has gone from an investigation to a full-blown manhunt."

Kozo's eyes hardened, "We'll need to be careful, they're desperate, powerful, people with no moral compunctions about sacrificing anything and everything on Earth to achieve their goals. Now that they're nearly cornered, we can expect them to do far worse."

The man's disgust was evident, "There is little worse they could do. Murdering a man in front of his son. Sending the boy out as…some demented suicide Trojan Horse. Murdering one of the three people charged with defending the world."

"Believe me, Admiral, they'll find ways to reach new levels of depravity if we don't eliminate them. None of us want to allow them the opportunity to plumb those depths." Another sip of his drink, and he shook his head, "We would not survive it."

+++++ 13th Angel + 0: Sunday (80)

"Negative," Feelgood pointed at his subordinate. "You are on standby. You've logged too many combat hours, rules state-"

"Ye mean t' tell me that these nuggets jump th' line on yer best pilot?" Raffle stood under the man's nose, glaring up at him, "Ye've already grounded Vidar, now me? What, ye just feel like losin' planes?"

"I feel like keeping my few remaining fully qualified pilots available for crisis situations," he stated evenly. "Air patrols are a good opportunity for me to give the newbies some experience, and you don't need any more hours behind the stick to maintain quals. Go see Vidar, go see Paladin, or go see your bed. If you really want to suffer, go see Christie."

She shoved him, her anger rising further, "Fuck you."

"I offered a long time ago, you slapped me." He pointed to the door again, "You're off the roster for three days. Push me again, and it'll be a week." Looking at the gaggle of air crew, he sent them scattering with a single raised eyebrow. With the audience gone, he lowered his voice, "Seriously, Noelle. My recommendation? Go find Shinji, show him how a pilot handles the stick. He needs it, and you need it. I'm grounding you because you're angry. Until you're clearheaded again? You aren't getting in the saddle. End of discussion."

Her anger died quickly, replaced by a moribund depression, "He doesn't need that, Shinsuke." Pulling her jacket tighter around her shoulders, she turned and walked away, "Not after today."

+++++ 13th Angel + 0: Sunday (80)

 _You're_ asking _me?_ Rose couldn't hide her shock, _This…isn't a joke. You're_ actually _asking me?_

 _I keep telling you, I am not the woman you believe me to be._ Lily sat on Unit-01's shoulder, looking around the now-emptier Evangelion hangar, _Am I antagonistic to those you answer to? Without question. Do I intend to push for a reality that doesn't include their self-destructive nonsense? Absolutely. Does that mean I'm not sympathetic to the suffering of others? Have you_ not _been paying attention? I have a temper. If you were treated as I was, forced to watch what I have seen, you might be a little prone to bouts of unreasoning fury yourself._ She turned back to her rival, _Do you believe yourself so clean?_

 _…No._ The pink-skinned captain perched herself on thin air, _How would it work?_

 _I agree to allow him to ingest your beacon. This grants you direct, physical, access to him and those of his house that are so inclined._ The Night Mother laid her hand over her heart, _You agree that I be allowed to move about the physical world as I will. With both fragments of my soul returned, I am once more complete. We both agree to allow the poor Child uninterrupted moments with him. She did not deserve the fate she suffered, and though I would have eventually claimed what was mine…I would not have ended her life in doing so._

Bouncing her foot, she chewed on her lower lip. _If he agrees._

 _If he agrees,_ Lily nodded. _Should he prefer to remember her as he believed she was, and not think of her as she truly was, we respect that and his decision. Should he not choose to ingest your beacon, I will remain restrained for now. Should he decide that I am too dangerous to allow free rein to for now, he is not given your beacon._ Offering her hand regally, she lifted her chin, _The garden is big enough for two flowers. Let us stop competing for the gardener's attentions._

 _You understand this will mean I am a part of you. He is my_ [Static] _. That is not some passing matter, he and I are forever intertwined._ She was morbidly fascinated at the offer, but her own personal honor demanded she make things clear.

 _You are his right hand,_ Lily shrugged. _I will be his left. The same body, simply different segments. The question I have for you is, are you ready to live up to that oath? Even if he chooses to oppose those you serve?_

The woman formerly known as 'Dark' scowled angrily at the hand still extended in an offer of alliance. She was not ignorant, and she was able to read between the lines of her latest orders. _I serve the greater good._ Grasping firmly, she shook on the deal as an equal. There was no petty display of strength, no attempt at domination. _If Shinji doesn't lead there…I don't know who would._

+++++ 13th Angel + 1: Monday (81)

"Feel fortunate," Mikoto growled, setting down what little food their prisoner would be allowed. "You're being afforded an actual trial. More than the woman you murdered was given." Crossing her arms, she leaned back against the wall facing the first person she'd ever felt like killing in cold blood, "Do me a favor, try something with the bowl. Give me an excuse to take your dumb ass apart."

Scowling down at the tray, Toji Suzuhara made his next mistake, "It's his fault. He was the one that was supposed to-"

His 'suicide watch' had her hand around his throat in an instant, "Do you enjoy the taste of cardboard? Do you want to see how much of that tray I can fit in that big mouth of yours? Shut up. Eat your food."

"Now, now," Misato's voice drew the agent's attention back to the door, "that's no way to treat our guest." Gesturing towards her jaw, she lifted her chin up, "You have to get above the hyoid. It makes the tongue swell, induces panic faster." Walking into the room, she looked around and frowned in disapproval, "Too much light. Do me a favor, go ask one of the engineers to come in and break a few…all of these," she waggled her finger up at the fixtures. Smiling at Mikoto's raised eyebrow she snorted, "I think I can handle him if he gets stupid."

Shoving the prisoner back, the lanky-haired agent turned and obeyed her orders. If there was one person that deserved to pummel the most hated man in NERV that wasn't Shinji, it was the mother of the young woman he'd killed. The door opened silently, and closed behind her just as quietly, leaving two people that in another life would have had much different feelings regarding the other. Misato's opinion of the young man was that he was a bully. A bigheaded jock that didn't care about who he hurt so long as he got what he wanted. Toji felt that the woman before him was a sadist. Someone who'd ordered her people to injure him as much as possible in retaliation for a light tap on the face of a boy that ruined everything.

"So. You may believe you have some sort of rights," the lavender haired Angel of Death began. "That you're still a human being, in the eyes of the law. I am here to disabuse you of those notions." Pulling out one leather driving glove, she slipped it carefully into place on her left hand, "You have been declared an enemy combatant. The first problem for you is, the only enemies we have are Angels." Tugging out her other glove, she slowly inserted her right hand into it, "The second problem is, you ignored orders to stand down, surrender, and receive assistance."

Toji looked at her with increasingly greater amounts of fear, "He said he would have-"

The first blow against a vulnerable target is usually the most difficult for people. There's a hesitation in a good person, someone who's prone to listening to their conscience, that attempts to prevent them from engaging in such a brutal task. Toji Suzuhara's third problem was that Misato Katsuragi wasn't, at heart, a 'good person'. She was a pragmatist. She believed in doing what was necessary to ensure humanity survived, no matter what that was, no matter what blot it put on her soul…whatever was necessary.

Wiping some of the blood from her knuckles with the fingertips of the opposing hand, she rubbed it between her fingers to gauge how much of a 'bleeder' he was, "When you say 'he', whom do you mean?" She smiled as he began to squirm, "The sooner you tell me the truth, the sooner I consider stopping."

+++++ 13th Angel + 1: Monday (81)

Gendo sat watching his hand-picked Tactical Commander demonstrate a surprising knowledge of physical punishment, "You know that torture rarely garners effective information, yes? People usually say anything to make the pain stop. 'Anything' is rarely 'anything true'." Sipping on his tea, he tapped his toe in time with his long-dead wife's favorite song, "Any court that sees such evidence is likely to simply throw the entire case out."

"An order from the UNHC for his immediate execution was issued as of Twenty-three fourteen hours last night, local," Philip stated without any real concern. "His government has offered to provide their services, should NERV not have proper facilities. The Americans, of all people, are asking for his extradition on 'humanitarian grounds'. His fate is ultimately sealed. What I do now? I do for a mother." His eyes slowly drifted over to the man he'd once thought the most evil on Earth, "She has her orders to not kill him. Once she is done, I will send in one of my more trusted men, we will garner what information we can, and then he will die."

"You realize that you will likely not be chosen for the next step in your rise up the UN ladder," the former commander already knew the answer, "why?"

"There is no escape from this place," the old general laughed dully. "There is only surviving long enough to lend our support to your son's rise. When he is the one making the decisions, when he uses his might to gently guide everyone onto the golden paths, then we will have a chance to know whether what we have done…meant anything at all." Looking back to watch as Misato efficiently dissected their prisoner, he shook his head, "I want nothing more than to see this done, set my baton down, and beg my petits enfants to forgive an old man his folly."

Gendo's smile was hidden behind his cup, "Now, my dearest enemy, we understand one another."

+++++ Author's Notes

origamishishou: RE: Aspects of Shinji.

Some are, by their nature, less capable of being empowered by an emotionally unstable child soldier. Gaghiel's strength doesn't lie in the same paths as Israfel's, Sandalphon's isn't like Ramiel's. All of them can benefit, and feed, Shinji's strength. They grow stronger and more powerful as he uses them, much like any skill or muscle, but not all of them grow the same way. Much like writing doesn't increase the same way that bench pressing does. One is inherently more limited than the other by the rules in play.

TripleF:

RE: Praise.

Thank you for your kind words, I really do appreciate hearing them. There are times where I scroll back through the reviews to remind myself that I'm not howling into the void.

RE: The End.

This is where I'm going to remind all of my readers of a few truths. Things that anybody who has consumed fiction, or even most non-fiction works should already understand. It is always, _always_ , dark before it can become light again. The characters, or people in the real world, must overcome obstacles before they can feel as if they've grown, changed, or accomplished anything. I have published nearly one million words on this site, and written well over the same in my word processor program, not to dwell over how joyous I can make the characters' lives, but to give them a sense of accomplishment.

It's a dark, winding, path. People will rise, they will fall. Some will lose their way, others will find one they didn't think possible. What you have read so far is not the sum and total of the story, and as we approach the end it might seem far more grim than you thought it would be…but redemption doesn't come cheap. It doesn't come easy. But if people work hard enough at it, they might find out how to complete the journey.


	95. Chapter 95

+++++ 13th Angel + 1: Monday (81)

 _We will incinerate her body once Shinji's able to decide if he wants to attend, or not,_ Maya sat listlessly in the Tower, opposite Suzuka. Kodama now slept in the room with Nozomi and Sakura, prepared to deal with the further fallout from their newest housemate losing her entire family, coupled with their knowledge that a woman they knew who was close to their family had fallen fighting the 'bad people'. Her wife slept in the arms of another woman, taking what comfort she could while giving the same. Their other housemate had been given a sedative and shoved into bed by Rina and Hina, and that meant she had one person to speak with. Fortunately, that meant nobody thought it odd they said nothing at all. _There are already memorials springing up around the facility, as well as condolence cards for he and Misato._

 _She was an odd woman,_ Suzuka sat with her eyes closed, furthering her practice in controlling her anger, _but she had a good heart. She defended those that needed her aid, and she did so even after abuses had been piled upon her. The world is made less for her loss._

Maya nodded, numb, _Has he…._

 _Clarify your question, if you would,_ one cautious eye opened enough to attempt to gauge the other woman's face, _I have a tendency to misread your thoughts._

 _Behind you,_ the Lieutenant Colonel spoke quietly, "Is he still awake?"

Asuka gently slid the door closed, "No. He apologized for failing me, for the nine thousandth time, then collapsed." The fiery redhead pulled at her clothes, making a face, "This is going to take forever to get clean." With a sigh, she looked between the two remaining conscious people, "He is coated with LCL, and his plugsuit was cutting off circulation, so I depressurized it and pulled him out of it. He weighs a ton." Pausing, she dealt with some internal struggle, then faced Maya, "Can we talk? In private, if possible."

"With your permission," Suzuka stood, "I will see to cleaning him and changing out the sheets. I have given more than one bath to an invalid, and he should not wake for some time even with manipulation."

"Please do," Maya nodded, not really caring that Asuka glowered at both of them for their decisions. "Let's go over there," she gestured to a nearby empty room, "and you can say what you need to." She'd anticipated this, there was little chance that someone like the pilot of Unit-02 would remain as sanguine about the series of events that led directly to the death of a pilot. She was a survivor, one of many stark differences between her and the other two…now one, pilots. Stepping into the sound deadening intake room, she took a seat on the end of the bed and waited for the yelling to be over.

After closing the door, Asuka turned and frowned, "You're ok with another woman fondling your husband?"

"I'm ok with a woman he's taken multiple baths with cleaning him so that he doesn't wake up reeking of blood and crusted in dried LCL," she corrected in a monotone. "I trust her to know appropriate behavior, and the importance of consent."

Grumbling, the redhead rolled her eyes, "Whatever." Picking at her shirt, she seemed to make a concerted effort at reading Maya's mood, "Was there no other way?"

"Nobody else is awake, and the corpsmen had to go respond to an accident on C-two. I'm positive that Suzuka-san can manage to not mess up a bed bath, if that's your concern. Once we're done, I'll go give her a hand." She'd see if she could find him in his soul, where he'd likely retreated after the latest down-cycle on the rollercoaster that was their married life thus far.

"Not that," Asuka groaned, looking at the officer as if she'd decided to be intentionally obtuse, "was there no way to save Rei? Christ you people can be so dense!"

The question grabbed Maya's attention hard, the conversation nowhere near how she'd anticipated it would be, "I…I don't know." Her thumbs began to run along the side of her forefingers, her mind beginning to make attempts at plotting out the potential interactions she was going to have with the woman she knew to be unstable.

"You don't know as in, 'I don't know if I did everything I could have', or you don't know as in, 'If I had three more minutes, I might have been able to'?" Stepping closer, she leaned in and frowned, "I'm trying to give you the benefit of the doubt here, Tentacles. Don't bullshit me. Do you think there was another way?"

Standing up, the action forcing Asuka back in an effort to preserve her all-important personal space, the science officer walked over to a nearby terminal and logged in. Pulling up the log of everything she and Ritsuko had done in the frantic moments between contamination and Shinji ending the threat permanently, she moved away and gestured to the screen, "You're smart enough to read this. This is what I did. This is _everything_ I could think to do." Shrugging her shoulders, she looked down and let her decisions stand on their own merits, "You tell me."

Asuka proved that she wasn't lying when she claimed she was a genius, quickly reading through the commands, the lines of code, the automatic transcripts of their spoken statements to each other and everyone around them. Taking twice as long to read as it had taken to create, then reading it through once again to be thorough, she shook her head and stood up, still reading, "I didn't catch what you'd said to her…that was nice of you to give her that bit of peace." Sapphire eyes looked at her with pity, "He's already forgiven you. He believes that _he_ failed her."

"If I was faster to realize the nature of the attack," Maya looked towards Shinji's room, "if Misato hadn't muted her microphone to comment on you two eliminating Unit-03, if I hadn't insisted on less power for the ejection system to reduce the chances of breaking one of your necks when it was engaged, if-"

"If you didn't give a shit about us as people, and instead treated us like tools?" Asuka scoffed, "Listen, I'm the last person that should be giving anyone a pep talk. You know well enough the medications I'm on. But you're beating yourself up over the kinds of things that drew him to you in the first place. If you were just like Frau Doktor Dye-Job with the fake tits, he'd never have looked at you. So trust me when I say that you need to work on getting over this fast, because as it is he's probably going to wake up and insist on a divorce."

"You…he…what?" Her expectations were now thoroughly dismantled, and she wasn't steady enough in her own mind to recover faster.

"His words, 'I'm killing them. I can't stay with them. I can't stay here. Someone else will have to try.' That doesn't sound like a man looking to stay married," she raised her eyebrow to drive the point home. "So here's the pep talk: Get over it. This is war, people die, we're all corpses waiting to happen. Get him home, do whatever you have to in order to get his mind right. And to thank me," she gave her target a smug smile, "you'll let me take him on a date. Away from everyone and everything tormenting him."

"I'm…not his owner," Maya's mind was beginning to gain traction again. Everything Asuka was saying made sense, but none of it fit the profile of the pilot she knew. "If he wants to go on a date with you, that's up to him."

"Fine then." With a shrug that indicated the matter was settled, she pursed her lips as another thought crossed her mind, "Who's Tsuru?"

"The girl in there with Hikari," Maya gestured vaguely in that direction, calculating out what she'd be able to say to Shinji without completely destroying the last of her professional ethics. "Their classmate."

"Huh. No wonder he's wanting her to go back to Ogawa," Asuka snorted. "I wouldn't be happy with someone pawing at my wife…well, husband. Whatever, you understand."

"I'm going to go see to my husband," she terminated the connection to her MAGI network account. _Suzuka, I'm coming in, please find Nyx somehow. Or Rose. Or both._ "Did you need anything else?"

"Yeah. Since we're asking for things from each other," she tilted her head thoughtfully. "Think you can get me a little one-on-one time with the asshole from Three? I may not have known her long, but Rei was a pilot. She didn't deserve this horseshit kind of death. If Hikari can take him, I'm positive I'll dismantle the little punk."

+++++ 13th Angel + 1: Monday (81)

Maya landed inside of Shinji's soul, and for a moment she was terrified. There was nothing around her. When she looked down, she couldn't see her hands, her torso, for all she knew there was nothing. Everywhere she looked was more, and deeper, darkness. Up and down were swiftly gone, her left and her right became blurred, vertigo mercilessly took hold as her frame of reference was overwritten rapidly and repeatedly. And then, in a final indignity that she anticipated was likely the end of her life, someone grasped her head and she screamed.

 _No! No no! It's me! Advisor, it's me!_ Gaghiel's voice called over her terror, clearly just as terrified as she was and begging desperately for calm to return to everyone, _I won't hurt you! I promise! I promise politely!_

 _She requires light, little one._ Ramiel's voice preceded a small spark of lightning crackling to life before them, giving enough luminescence for her eyes to perceive the two Aspects. _My apologies, Advisor. We did not anticipate company, and you are deep within Leliel's domain. She is…hiding._

"Oh…oh thank you," laughing with relief, she reached up and plucked the Aspect of Fish from her head and hugged him to her chest like a living stuffed animal. "I swore I was dead. I thought I had finally pushed my luck too far."

 _No no!_ Gaghiel squirmed until he could look up at her, _You will always be safe with us! We love you! We politely love you!_

The earnest, but apparently poorly educated, Aspect in her arms managed to touch her heart with its unflappable good nature. "Thank you, Gaghiel-kun. Do you know where my husband is? I'm afraid he's hurting himself, and I'd like to find him before he does something he'll hate himself for."

 _This way, Advisor,_ Ramiel rumbled. _Hold to Gaghiel, he will give you a reference point should Leliel choose to attempt to purge my light._

"I wouldn't do that," a voice she didn't recognize said, a sullen anger filling her tone. "He loves you, and since you're _Lilin_ you need light to see."

 _Sister, you speak to the Great One's chosen. Mind your tone._ The giant octahedron rotated through several of its faces as it loomed over the Aspect in charge of their current locale, _She is not responsible for his present indisposition. You witnessed the same event we all did. Bardiel erred egregiously._

"I'm speaking to the woman who will be dead one day," Leliel stepped into view. "Since she refuses Lily's gift, I'm speaking to the woman that will break his heart out of her own stupid fear." Working a comb carefully through hair that had clearly not seen one in the entirety of her life, the Aspect of Night glowered at the mortal before her, "I am not cruel. Unlike others. I won't treat his 'wife' poorly."

 _Sister Leliel, please don't fight._ Gaghiel pat-patted his fins atop Maya's wrists, _The Advisor just needs time to understand. She isn't as old as we are._

The former Angel of Night looked away, her bearing filled with teenaged contempt, "Whatever. Come this way, she's stopping me from fixing things around here and I don't even care what she does so long as she does it somewhere else."

 _You are not blameless here, sister._ Ramiel's thunder became an ominous growl, _Your petulance meant that he was not present to prevent the tragedy. He may forgive, should you be lucky._

"He promised me…." Glaring at Ramiel, she stormed off, "This way. You idiots will get lost without me guiding you."

+++++ 13th Angel + 1: Monday (81)

Maya was shocked to see the stark difference between Domains as she approached the border of Leliel's and what had become the core of her husband's being. Ramiel had explained, patiently, the reason for keeping Leliel and Ireul outside of the barrier. As each was more in tune with the darkness they sought to hold at bay, their Domains were better suited to relieving the pressure on the dome rather than bolstering it from within. Sahaquiel's Domain was adjoined to Leliel's, and would remain so until peace and order had been restored. The mortal woman was, however, much more used to the orderly integration that had been her experiences before this trip.

Her perception of things continued to decay as she transitioned between Domains and saw the titanic Aspect of the Sky curled up and weeping loudly. With more than enough light to see by, the ribbons of color Sahaquiel had used to paint with glittering beautifully, she let Gaghiel float on his own and ran towards the being that was in some ways her own daughter, "Sahaquiel-chan, sweetie, what's wrong?" Dropping to her knees, she gently plucked loose hairs from the lone eye that dominated the Aspect's head, "It's ok, sweetie, I'm here. Please, talk to me."

"A-Adv-visor," she hiccoughed through the single word before pulling Maya into a hug and clutching her close.

Little was said that she could make any sense of, and while she wanted desperately to find Shinji she knew that calming his children would serve that goal just as well as running around searching for him. Cooing small reassurances, she smiled gratefully at Gaghiel who also began to hug his sister and pat her softly with his fins. Motion then caught her eye, and she saw Leliel's cautious approach, confusion written all over the surly Aspect.

"Hey, hey," Maya tried to smile brightly, "your sister's here too, look," she gently turned the cyclops' head towards Leliel, "we're all here. It will be ok. Talk to us, let us help."

"Perhaps We may be of some assistance," Ireul's voice preceded her landing gracefully where she could take control of the situation. "Leliel, dear, please comfort your sister. Gaghiel, Ramiel, We shall escort the Advisor from here." Effortlessly filling a strapless evening gown with a daringly high split on the same side as her missing eye, the Aspect of Terror was clearly dressed for a different kind of war. Offering her hand to help Maya get to her feet, she presented a smile that was as honest as it was warm, "Please, Your Grace, let us hurry."

"It's ok, sis," Leliel backed down quickly from her sullen pouting, hurrying to heed Ireul's command. "The…uh, the Advisor is going to go see if she can make things better. Let's, yeah!" She tossed her comb aside and pointed up, "Let's make a new night sky. Ramiel can dot it with lightning, and Gaghiel can help us make seas of rainbow fish to pretty it up. Right?"

"Hurry," Ireul pulled Maya as decorously as she could towards the center of Shinji's being. Keeping her voice low, she set them to floating far more rapidly than Ramiel had managed, "I don't know how long Shinji can stop himself from erasing this entire timeline."

Maya's response was strangled, "He what?!"

"He feels himself responsible for the death of our estranged cousin," the elegant Aspect said through a clenched jaw. "My _sister_ made everything worse by throwing herself at his feet and apologizing as soon as he arrived. Swore to do anything he wanted if he'd just forgive her." Shifting their course slightly, she looked down at the woman she knew she'd have to receive the blessing of to ever be more than a 'kept woman', "Since he arrived in his 'natural state', this means that she went straight for what any woman would consider his 'weak point'."

"Which isn't how you approach my husband, even if he wasn't _my_ husband." She tried not to seem too angry, as it wasn't Ireul's fault that things went the way they had, "Also, why aren't you using the royal possessive?"

"Because you're his wife, and he and I have an agreement." She braced herself, "I help him with his night terrors, which feeds me…immensely, and in return I," she glanced down to see how she was doing so far, "I act as a common woman would around him and those he has blessed."

"So…wait," Maya felt their progress come to a halt, "no. No, I mean metaphorically. Please keep moving us to where Shinji is." The world began to float past again, "You were the reason he was having an attack before Leliel-san and Bardiel-san?"

"He fell unconscious," Ireul defended herself. "Waking him up before he had any power to survive with would have been a terrible idea. His night terrors feed me, which in turn feeds him. His mind is a-"

"So, you were healing him," she held up a hand to interrupt, instead of risking them stopping dead again. "You were giving him energy to compensate for what he lost by summoning Ramiel-san?"

"Indirectly," she didn't want to lie to the woman that could be an invaluable ally. "He empowers me with all of the gorgeous art his mind can conjure. As my power is his, he draws from my strength."

Maya turned fully to face the other woman, "Gorgeous?!"

"My Aspect is Terror, Your Grace. I find beauty where you most probably would not, it is simply how I am." Slowing their progress, she lowered them both to their feet and set up a small barrier to disguise their presence, "I do not torture him intentionally; eventually, once his mind is well sorted, I will be able to feed without him even experiencing anything in the mortal world. I urge him to sleep while he is here, to _truly_ rest. He knows nothing of what he has seen, and yet his gentle mind is finally allowed to _process_ what he has seen. His life has been one long nightmare, and I mean to free him from that suffering where I can."

"You will show me," she was his wife, and she would defend him from anyone and anything that threatened him. "I will decide if you are helping or harming him."

"Of course," she ceded the matter. It wasn't the 'Get away from my man' that she had feared, and that meant she was coming out ahead, "Now please, before we continue…know that he is _beloved_. Each of us loves him in our own way, Sahaquiel thinks of him as a father, the giant bear that is warm and safe, or rumbling death if angered. Gaghiel feels him the elder brother, the patient teacher of all things 'fun'." Taking a deep breath, she took the next step forward, "Others…do not feel so 'familial'."

The inevitability of it all made sense, "…I see." Running her tongue against her teeth, she thought through any number of likely problems, and decided that if she was being given forthright honesty, she would reciprocate, "Take him from me, and I'll order Suzuka to kill you. However," she raised one finger, "while we are asleep…I'm willing to learn to share him with you. We might be together longer than you think."

"Then let us see about convincing _him_ of that," dispelling the barrier she pointed to a nearby scene of chaotic yelling.

+++++ 13th Angel + 1: Monday (81)

"…which is ultimately pointless!" Shinji threw his hands up, "The fact remains that if I hadn't tried to _talk_ and had instead _acted_ Rei would still be alive." Gesturing over to the barrier with his hand held sharply, he threw his head back and laughed, "This entire time I've been suckered into believing that the things outside that wall are bad." The same hand stabbed at the ground beneath his feet, "That the things in here are good. And if I had used an ounce of what was out there I wouldn't be _burying my friend!_ Toji would have Hikari to check his impulsiveness, I would be miserable, but Rei would be alive! Tell me again that I shouldn't just wash away this nonsense and let another Shinji try."

"But we do not love any other Shinji," Israfel spoke as one. "We love you. You would deny us your presence to offer another a life they will never live?" Both gesticulated with their hands in concert as they spoke, differing motions supporting one another in a dance that was clearly intended to distract his mind, "While we might remember, we would once more be bound to the Forgotten One. Our free will gone! All of your gifts, gone! Her loss is tragic, we weep with you, but do not deny us your presence as well in your mad grief."

Approaching from behind her husband, Maya noticed that Adam was sitting silently by. She knew nothing good could come of what she saw in the face of the former First Angel. Her own grief was painful, she wanted nothing more than to curl up and cry her eyes out, but the figurative bitch-slap Asuka had given her cleared her head enough to put her course aright and so she engaged a tactic her mother had used more than once on her father, "Shinji Ikari I _know_ you are not acting a fool."

Startled out of the rut his mind had dug itself into, the closest thing to a physical god on the face of the planet nearly jumped into the air as he spun to face one of his wives, "M-Maya!"

"Don't you 'Maya' me, you lout," stomping over she got directly in front of him and pointed under his nose, "what is this I hear about you thinking you can go making my decisions for me, hmm? For our wife? Hmm?" Jabbing him in the chest, she pointed her other hand at Ireul, "And her choices! What, are you suddenly the King of All the Cosmos? Do you have the right to just take our hard-earned lives?" She poked him harder, "Hmm?"

"I-I," Shinji's mind resolved that Maya was actually there, and this wasn't a hallucination, "you-"

Never one to be slow on the uptake, Ireul joined in on the tactic, "Oh, We doubt very much that His Grace was intending this as more than an _intellectual exercise_." Floating gracefully over, she took Maya's arm and smiled winsomely up to the man that had given her more in mere hours than she'd been given by the lump behind him in eons uncounted, "Your Grace should know Your husband's mind better than any, He is simply…brooding."

Golden Israfel took Shinji's left arm, Silver his right, "A truly engaging exercise," they spoke as one, "it allowed us to pass the time until you could arrive, Advisor." Both managed to look so solemn that there was no possibility it could be mistaken for honesty, "Why, Shinji said himself that he wouldn't make a decision without consulting with his cherished wives." They nodded to each other, smiling with practiced naivety, "But he did want to practice the argument so that he wouldn't seem _daft_."

"Well the argument's over," Maya glared up at him. "We are not going back to anywhere that I am not married to you." Hardening her heart, she jumped in with both feet, "Rei Ayanami would be _disgusted_ to hear that you would throw everyone's lives away to bring people that merely looked like those she loved into a world she never lived in."

"Honestly," Lily shimmered into existence, holding Rose's arm, "who do you think you are…me?" Walking over purposefully, and leaving Rose to marvel at the world inside of her partner's being, she ran a finger under Maya's chin, "Thank you. If you hadn't set his Suzi looking for me, I might have been too busy to notice a tragedy brewing." Turning back to Shinji, she sighed, "And you…." Slapping him hard enough to turn his head, she glared just as hard as the woman beside her had, "Did you not think to speak to any of us? Is your love so shallow? Do you think any of us grieve less than you?"

"Before we continue to…well, abuse the man we love," Rose gestured to something only she saw but couldn't make sense of. "What are these weird squiggles?"

"You brought a [Static] into _his soul?_ " Adam jumped to his feet, "Are you mad?!" Moving aggressively towards Rose, he set his hands to glowing with a luminous flame, "I will stop this nonsense befo-"

Reflexively, Shinji grabbed the younger copy of himself and sent him tumbling away from the woman he'd become tethered to, "Stop." He blinked rapidly, his eyes squinting in confusion, "I…I don't want anyone hurt…"

"The word 'squiggles' is strangely not helpful, dear," Lily kept her eyes on Adam as she moved to where Rose was still tracing something out in the air between the two males. "Could you perhaps…quantify them?"

"Undulating ropey strands of glowing etheric matter?" She pointed to the First Angel, "Coming off of him," her finger trailed to Shinji's chest, "terminating there."

"Quaint," Lily smirked, the answer to her question becoming obvious following the more descriptive explanation. "Did somebody get tired of waiting patiently for an opportunity?"

"You are not supposed to be here," Adam stood. "This space is supposed to be sacred."

"Sacred for Shinji," Maya stated, moving over and pulling Shinji's face towards her. "Pup, what's going on in your head?"

"Subtle manipulation of various chemical repositories," Ireul's eyes widened. " _You were manipulating his emotions!_ "

"Winding him up so that he pulled the plug," Lily patted Shinji on the chest. "Well…that's not going to happen."

Shinji's eyes blinked rapidly, "I…but I…."

"You move an inch, old man, and I'll draw you a lovely portrait," the Aspect of Terror moved to place herself between Shinji and Adam. "I know I'm stronger than you now. Otherwise you wouldn't be so _afraid_ right now. You wouldn't have been so afraid of him feeding me."

"Rose, Kitten, we need to have a discussion." The former Second Angel reached up and tapped Shinji's head, dropping him to the floor completely unconscious.

+++++ 13th Angel + 2: Tuesday (82)

The world around him was filled with a riot of bizarre sensations as he awoke, his body feeling as if it were only partly awake, his ears not fully making sense of what they were hearing, his nose confused for the array of scents presented to him, his mind refused to focus enough for him to remember the reason he was asleep. Sensing pressure on his left arm, he focused on not disturbing whatever it was until he knew he wouldn't hurt it, and failed.

"Dear," Hikari's voice sighed into his ear, "please stop jostling me."

"S-sorry," wrenching his eyes open, he put all of his effort towards focusing on seeing. "I'm…Tower?" He was in his 'Lovely Suite' in the Corpsmen's Tower, his younger wife dressed in a comfortable-looking flannel set of pajamas.

"No," she rolled around, sliding her upper body atop his, "you're Shinji." Her sad smile was the final trigger he needed, and his mind once more brought the crushing reality down around him.

"She…." Letting his head fall back, he allowed his eyes to follow suit, "Rei's dead."

"She is." The sheets shuffled some, and he felt her climb so that she was sitting astride his stomach, "You've been asleep for a little over a day and a half. I have orders not to let you leave the bed until I have help, so don't you think you can get past me, mister."

"Why…can't I cry?" Every time he thought on the pale bluenette's fate, his mind wanted to weep, and yet no tears came.

"You've been given…a bit of help," waiting for his eyes to focus on her, she ran her hands along his chest. "Your emotions are…numbed. For now. They say that it should only take a few days, long enough for them to determine the extent to which you've been manipulated."

Lifting his hand felt like one of the hardest things he'd ever done. When he set it on her leg, he missed the first three times, only succeeding because she helped him guide it to where she wanted it, "Manipulated by who?"

Her eyes indicated well enough that she only understood the generalities, "Adam."

Anger made an attempt at climbing to the fore, failing to gain any traction and tumbling back down to the ocean of his soul. "…He…manipulated me?"

"You were going to reset everything," the fear in her voice stabbed at him with a knife of pure anxiety…missing and striking the bed instead. "You were going to sacrifice our future together…for Rei."

"That's not the best idea," he fumbled with his other hand until he held both of her legs. "I…love you. Even though I'm unsure of what you want at times." Nodding, he tilted his head, looking at her without any doubt, "Yes. Yes, I love you." Attempting to gesticulate, he slapped himself in the face instead of patting his chest, "That's…not what I meant to do."

"One might feel a little hurt that you slapped yourself for saying you loved me," she giggled, pulling his hand from his face. "Are…you sure? We don't know how long he's been manipulating you, Shinji."

"I met you before him," the logic was fairly unfalsifiable. "He was a part of me after Gaghiel."

 _Yes, Great One?_ The Aspect of Fish tumbled into existence in the room, _Oh, please say hello to the Light for me! She's so pretty. Politely pretty!_

"Gaghiel says, 'Hello'." Shinji twitched his hand, intending to gesture to the Aspect, and instead flailed his limb out of Hikari's grasp, "S-sorry!" Sighing, he let the limb go limp again, "He says you're very pretty."

"Well thank you, Gaghiel-san," Hikari looked around the area she felt her husband had attempted to indicate. "I would compliment you as well, if I could convince my husband to bring me into his soul."

"I am sorry, Gaghiel," Shinji looked over to the excitable piscine being, "I hadn't meant to summon you. It's not that I'm displeased to see you, I just can't…seem to focus."

 _Oh, that's quite all right!_ He grinned happily, carefully lifting Shinji's hand back up to where Hikari could hold it, _The first of us that you called gets to tell the others you're awake. I get to have the_ important _task this time._ Turning to face the door, he saw the new arrival before anyone else, _Oh, uhm…hello Spear. I promise I didn't bother the Great One. He called me, I promise!_

Shutting the door behind her, Suzuka looked to Shinji, "This is true?"

"It was an accident that I called him, but as I said I am not upset that I did," Shinji repeated himself. "He was very polite, and should not be chastised."

Pointing to a spot before her, she eyed the Aspect. When he cautiously swam over, she then gently pet him twice, "This is appropriate behavior, and I encourage you to continue to demonstrate this restraint. He is recovering, and should not be placed under undue stress."

Eyes widened in awe, Gaghiel quivered with excited glee before vanishing from the room with a squeal of joy.

"That seemed to make him happy." The statement was uttered with the same enthusiasm as a commentary on the day's weather, "Was there something you needed Suzuka?" His eyes searched her face, looking for some sign to indicate how he ought to proceed, "You seem nervous."

"We had a discussion, my love," Hikari set his hands atop his stomach and pressed down to stop them from moving. "Please stop gesturing when you speak, you are going to damage yourself. I convinced them not to tie you down, and would prefer to keep you that way."

"Oh, ok," he took a breath and let his body go limp. "Why is Suzuka nervous?"

"The same reason I was nervous until a few moments ago. We know you have been manipulated," she let the rest go unstated, hoping that he wouldn't react unnaturally. The manner in which he stated his love for her, the pure logic behind it, meant far more to her than if he had seemed to say it out of a desire to be polite. To him, it was obvious, and he expressed it as such.

"Oh," looking over to her he said the first thing that came to mind, "I would be extremely unhappy to never see you again, Suzuka. I know I should not love more than one person, people will think that I am merely playing with your hearts, but I look forward to the day that you conquer your temper and Maya approves of you and I going out on a date. Perhaps you, Hikari, and I. She mentioned the other night when we hmphmh." The end of his sentence was cut off by a squeak and a pair of hands slapping over his mouth.

"She doesn't need to hear that last part, dear," Hikari blushed profusely.

 _I swear, dear heart, I will strive with all the force I can muster to prevail against my anger._ Gliding over, she kissed the top of his wife's head, "It is an honor to be considered attractive by someone with far more beauty than I, Hikari. Though, perhaps, we should save such matters for a time when the man we love is not hobbled by equally numbed limbs and emotions."

Waiting patiently for his wife to let him speak, Shinji tried to force his emotions out. He was being touched, which was pleasant. He was being stifled, which was irritating. Two of the people he cared for were speaking fondly, which was heartwarming. Rei was dead. He narrowed his eyes, _Rei is dead._ The thought drew Suzuka's attention, new anxieties climbing into her features, until he looked at her and shrugged. When his weapon lifted his life's blood from his lips, he shook his head, "Nothing. I know I'm unhappy. I know that I wish with all of my heart that she was still here…nothing. I'm looking through a window at emotions, but that's all."

"Then I guess this is as good a time as any for us to head home," Hikari stated, taking control of the situation and plotting their course while her husband was incapacitated. "We have one more…duty to tend to, before we go."

+++++ 13th Angel + 2: Tuesday (82)

Misato was incredulous, "What do you mean breathing?!"

"I mean she is engaging in drawing air into her lungs for the purpose of gas exchange, how do you not know what breathing is with lungs like yours?" Ritsuko rubbed at her right eye, "Damn things are itching." Reaching for her coffee, she found the cup empty, "Irritating." Spotting the carafe she'd somehow managed to fill, she went to get another serving, "Thank you, Past Me."

"She's…she was dead when I pulled her out of the plug," Maya looked at Misato, shaking her head. "I had two EMTs with me, that's three medical professionals who all saw the same thing. No pulse, no respiration, no response to stimuli, _dead_." Swallowing, she gestured to the body in the tank, "Her limbs were distended, just like Unit-00's, she had…growths." Closing her eyes and immediately regretting that act for the memories it summoned, she shook her head, "She was dead!"

"How long were you intending on keeping this to yourself, 'Doctor'?" The sub-commander planted herself in the path of the demi-blonde, "I've spent the past two days crying because I had lost…I had lost my child."

"Two days?" Ritsuko's left eye twitched, receiving the same firm massage her right had, "I guess that explains the itching." Knocking back the drink, she barely set the cup down on the desk without dropping it, "I've been trying to make sense of the healing process. The L-Nine is-"

"That's L-Nine?" Maya became immediately concerned that Ritsuko would figure out quickly that the substance had nothing to do with her husband's transformation into a shining golden god, "Who gave authorization to immerse anyone in that?"

"Well forgive me for trying whatever I could think of to heal our pilot," the doctor rolled her eyes. "When she sucked in a gut full of air on the exam table and I found a heartbeat, I did what I thought was best. Do you have any other medical professionals familiar with not only hybrid xenobiology but functioning S-Two organs? No? Then maybe cut me some slack here."

"Is she…is she alive?" Misato didn't want to hope. She didn't want to have her heart shattered again, "Will she wake up?"

"She's breathing. Heart's working." Ritsuko shrugged, "Brain death in humans is irreversible long before her body managed to kick-start itself. Humans, however, don't have half of her advantages. She might wake up and be the same laconic bundle of oddities, she might wake up and be a genki-girl. She might never wake up. I'm not an oracle, Misato. I'm just a shitty doctor trying her best to not make a bad situation worse."

+++++ 13th Angel + 2: Tuesday (82)

"That's…good," Shinji tried to summon happiness, but like every other facet of his emotional being at the moment it ended back where such things came from. "Though I guess it isn't as good as we would like. She's still unconscious, and based on clinical studies there is every possibility that she would end up in a vegetative state permanently." Seeing Misato's face fall, he recognized his error, "My apologies, Misato. I should not have reminded you."

Bending over to hug him in his wheelchair, she clutched his head close, "That's not why I'm upset, Shinji." Kissing his forehead, she laid her head atop his and looked to Maya, "Are you certain?"

"It's shock," the Lieutenant Colonel went with the lie she'd come up with. "He was inside of an Angel, then came right out into…everything. His mind is shutting itself down to heal. We need to give him time, and having him home where we can limit the sensory bombardment is best. Kodama-chan's supervisor has approved her being detailed to the house to watch after him, and since School is out for the rest of the week Hikari will be there too."

Sitting herself in Shinji's lap sideways, the vivacious lavender-haired warrior looked at Hikari, "If you need _anything_ , do not be afraid to call me directly. I'll try not to keep your wife here all hours, either."

"This is pleasant," Shinji stated quietly. "I enjoy having you close."

Misato's eyes closed, attempting to hold back fresh tears. Laying sidelong against him, she whispered, "I love you too, big guy. Focus on getting well. I don't want to lose you too." Looking up to Maya, she tried to smile, "At least it's not a total fugue. This is progress. Right?"

Shinji's elder wife just nodded, not wanting to lie and have Shinji accidentally correct anyone.

Kodama wheeled Sakura into the hall where everyone was meeting, and played the part of 'older sister', "Hey, hey, I just got done telling these two hooligans that the limit was one person per chair." Urging smiles from the other adults in the room, she teased Misato, "If you want a ride you need to break something."

"I already broke his heart," Misato stated wiping her eyes with her thumb. "I told him that he got one kiss, and one kiss only. He gets another when he's back on his feet." Standing, she mustered as much enthusiasm as she could and hugged a sullen Nozomi and a lost-looking Sakura, "Things will be ok, ladies. I promise. You have bunches of people who love you, and everyone will do everything they can to keep you safe."

"I will keep you safe," Shinji nodded. "You are my imōto. I will do everything I can to make your lives better."

" _We_ will do everything we can," Hikari floated over and joined Misato in hugging the children. "We are a large family, and that means a lot of love, a lot of hugs, and a lot of helping each other with what they need. Right now, we need to get home and get things organized." Combing her fingers through Sakura's hair, she drew the young girl's attention to her, "Because you are not alone. In our house, nobody is ever alone."

+++++ 13th Angel + 2: Tuesday (82)

"Things will improve," Shinji continued attempting to provoke some emotional response in himself. Like picking at a scabbed wound, he refused to sit idly and let the situation lie. "Nobody can tell you how to feel, Sakura-chan. We can only tell you that we will support you in your feelings." Sitting alone in the family room with his newest charge, he urged his hand towards her, "I am sorry, though, that I am not quite myself. You need me…and I am not fulfilling my duty."

"We're both needing wheelchairs," she shrugged. "I don't think either of us can fulfill our duties right now."

Managing to place his hand atop hers, Shinji restrained himself from attempting a comforting squeeze, "Then I guess we will both just have to learn to cope together." When she leaned over, hugging his arm, he cautioned her, "Please be careful though, you are still healing physically. Do not push yourself too hard, ok?"

"I took a few steps with nurse-san during class," her voice was as drained of life as his was of emotion. "It only really hurts anymore when I stretch. Or when I walk. Ritsuko-san told me that I'd have less and less pain the more I walked, and if I sat still the pain would never go away."

"Oh. Then listen to Ritsuko," Shinji nodded. "She's much smarter than I am." Unable to emote enthusiasm, he looked down to her, "I am glad that you are starting to walk." An idea came to his mind, "Do you want to know a secret?"

Little eyes looked at him warily, "What kind of secret?"

"The good kind," he promised. "The kind that usually made me smile when I thought of it."

"…Ok." The hesitation confused him, leaving him with more concerns to muddle through.

"I had this silly dream that I would one day be sitting in the audience as you walked across the stage for graduation from university," he could feel much of the impact being lost with his deadened tone, but he hoped the message would win out. "I thought about how loud I would cheer, and how great it would be to see you in your robes. How proud I would be of you for fighting through your trauma, for learning to walk again. I even thought about what I could offer you as a reward. A special dinner, or a shopping trip. Something just for you."

"…Ice cream." Clutching his arm closer, she lowered her voice to a whisper, "I want a trip to an ice cream store…just the two of us."

"Well," he thought about the barriers currently in play, "I can't take you there right now. At least, not alone. If I try to move my wheelchair and yours, we're likely going to end up sprawled out on the floor. That's not even mentioning the fact that I know of at least ten women that would be extremely upset at me for trying. I could ask someone to get some, though? I'm certain that there's a grocery store open. It may not be exactly what you want, but I promise I will take you to get some when I have control over my body again."

She looked up at him, confused for a moment, then a small smile broke out, then she started to laugh and cry at the same time, "Silly nii-san! I meant as a reward for graduating!"

"Oh." He nodded, "That makes more sense." Dropping his hand so that it landed on her leg, he focused his will and patted her leg as gently as he could, "I can't fix everything that's wrong, Sakura-chan. I'm not all-powerful. But I promise you…I'll do everything I can to make you happy. You're my special little lady, and I won't stop fighting for you."

"Ok," Kodama walked into the room, dusting her hands off, "I think we've got the room set up well enough for now. Sakura-chan, do you want to have Nozomi-chan in the bath with you, or do you want one of us to give you a bath by yourself?" Hikari came into the room carrying a tub of dirty laundry, her older sister gesturing to her, "I can, or Hikari can, or Suzuka. Your choice."

"I…uhm," she clutched tighter to Shinji.

"A blindfold." He put forth the option, "The master bath is large enough for all of us, if that's what she wants. Put a blindfold around my eyes, and I'll be present without seeing anything I ought not to." Looking between his wife and her sister, he could sense the hatred for himself, but not feel an ounce of it. "It's a balance."

"Please?" Sakura's voice was distinctly close to breaking into full-throated sobbing, "I don't wanna let him go."

Kodama turned to her younger sister, "For tonight?"

"For as long as she needs," Hikari nodded. "I know _I_ feel better when my husband is around."

+++++ 13th Angel + 2: Tuesday (82)

"Hydrotherapy is actually a vital component of physical recovery anymore," the busty nurse kept up the distractions from everyone's trauma, a constant string of business-oriented topics flowing forth. Shinji could feel her leg draped over his, the attraction standing on the other side of the glass. He knew that in a normal situation, being blindfolded and having her so close would not be something he'd want young children around for. The situation, however, was far from normal.

"It doesn't hurt as much," Sakura worked hard on slowly kicking her legs from her position between Shinji and Kodama. "I'm…kinda used to it hurting."

"I know how that feels," Shinji nodded. "For a while, after the first Angel I fought, everything I did hurt. I went to bed a while later, and when I woke up I hurt again. As the week wore on, it hurt less."

"That's because he met my sister," Kodama whispered loudly. "They say that love can actually dull pain."

The youngest of the three in the bath patted Shinji's shoulder, "Maybe that's why you can't feel anything, nii-san. We all love you a whole bunch. Right, Kodama-san?"

"Absolutely, kiddo," some splashes and giggling followed, the professional caregiver playfully encouraging movement in the stricken youth.

Shinji took the opportunity to contemplate his own mindset. He'd been able to tell, without anything clouding the issue, how he felt about Hikari and Suzuka. Observing them, contemplating his own thoughts, and then accepting the truth of things without letting it be clouded by fear or anxiety. Turning his head to face where he sensed the smallest of his housemates, he nodded to the logic that sprang forth, "Sakura-chan…you are very special to me. You are more than just my little sister, you are someone who's inspired me to push on when things became tough. If you, at half my age, can overcome what life has given you…I can do no less. I am glad to know you, and I am glad to have you in my life. I love you, and I will always love you."

Covering over for the bashful squirming of her newest little sister, Kodama's voice was full of warmth and life, "Gee, now I wish I had a big brother to tell me nice things like that. All I ever got was two little sisters telling me to stop hogging the bathroom."

"I hope that you will accept a man who loves you as a woman, instead," he continued. "We have had our disagreements, Kodama…and I regret the necessity of them. I needed you to understand how I am, and I needed to come to understand how you are. The day I found you had moved out was painful, confusing. I thought that I had lost even just the friendship of someone wonderful, even if she is exuberantly physically demonstrative. You are irreplaceable. Both of you are."

"Kiddo," her warm, rich, voice became subdued, "he doesn't play fair…does he?"

"Nuh uh," a tiny voice followed.

+++++ 13th Angel + 2: Tuesday (82)

"I slept with him the past two nights," Hikari put her foot down. "This is my castle, you agreed to that. I'm telling you, I will take care of the little ones tonight. You take care of Shinji. Suzuka left to go start handling the Suzuhara residence, so that leaves just us in the house. I assure you, he can hold someone without hurting them."

The eldest remaining Horaki looked around to make sure nobody had snuck closer, leaning in and whispering, "I may not be able to keep my hands off him, Hiki. He's not here emotionally right now, and if I start pawing at him in my sleep it wouldn't be fair to him."

"He can handle a little heavy petting. Do you honestly think I slept by him for two nights and didn't let my hands wander some? I'm flesh and blood too, Koko." Her focus went loose for a second before her gaze sharpened and her eyebrows knit, "Stop running away from it. No good will come from you ignoring your own needs, and all of us need to be able to play our parts without making things harder on him."

"…Hikari?" She gently took her sister's arm, preparing to support her if she lost herself in a vision.

"I'm fine," reaching up herself, she laid her hand on the side of her sister's neck. "I'm gaining control of them, Koko. The present is so…chaotic. Each future coming from it is subject to millions of tiny details, it's like watching hundreds of television shows at once, sometimes. Please, for me, go love _our_ husband. Lay with him in your arms, let him feel the strength of your heart. He needs to not doubt any of us, and we are filling him with too many reasons to." Shoving her elder sister towards the master bedroom, she turned and walked into the children's room, "So, I'm feeling like reading a story tonight. Any requests?"

The door shut behind the middle child, now a woman grown, and Kodama hesitated for a moment longer before sliding the door open to the room where her heart lay considering the ceiling. It hurt her to see him so lifeless, the typical emotional deluge no longer present. She'd had the plan explained, the way that the spirits would work together to begin untangling what had been done to him, the way that his emotions would be locked up to reduce 'noise'. But knowing something was temporary and being in the middle of it were two different things.

"You changed brands," his unexpected statement caught her off guard.

"They…well, it was less expensive." She'd sworn to only tell him the truth, "I was planning on saving money so that I was taking care of my obligations. One income, you know how it is." Slipping into the room, she slid the door shut, "Sacrifices are made."

"I'll buy you the other brand," Shinji let his head fall to the side to look at her, "I prefer the way it smells on you." His face was free of emotion as he continued, "Will you be staying here tonight? Is Hikari keeping an eye on Team Rainbow?"

"Would you rather I not?" Fidgeting in place, she fought against the urge to simply take her place at his side. The lesson she'd learned from her banishment still fresh in her mind, "I can leave you alone, if you'd prefer."

"Could you take off my boxers?" His hand flailed down against his legs, "They're chafing. It's not painful, just irritating. I think I grew too much."

"Why didn't you say anything?" The nurse subsumed the woman, and she hurried over, "Oh, Shinji, you-"

"Baby," he disagreed. "That's what you call me at times like this." Looking down his torso at her, seeing the mild confusion on her face, he shook his head, "We are being endearing with each other, are we not? Trusting each other with intimate details and concerns. If Maya were here, she would have said 'Pup', not 'Shinji'. That means that you should use the word you prefer to use, to indicate that you feel the way you do."

Tugging the cloth off of his person, she sighed, "You are the most irritating man sometimes, sir."

"Probably true," flexing the muscles in his legs, he did what he could to work the sensation away. "There are often times where I don't understand why I do things, and that has to frustrate the people who love me." Closing and opening his hands, he looked up to her, "I am sorry that I will not be able to give you that massage just yet. I promised you something, in gratitude for how much you've done since you returned, and I doubt anything I tried to do right now would be fulfilling."

"What's wrong?" Kneeling down by his side, she took his pulse, "You're acting like your body is in pain."

"Oh," he stopped the motions, "I'm sorry. I am just trying to regain enough control over my limbs so that I can hold you while we sleep. I have wanted to lie with you in my arms for several months now, even though such thoughts weren't appropriate for part of that time, and now that I have a chance I'd like to see if I can enjoy it."

"You…." She looked over towards his clothes, "You don't have anything to wear, really."

"Is that something that will bother you?" He did care, but the words were stated in such a way that made him seem indifferent.

Her own pulse began to pick up speed, "Would it…bother you if I took my shirt off?"

"That's my shirt," he corrected.

"Was your shirt," she countered. Taking a risk, she pulled it off and set it aside, "It's my shirt now by international girlfriend law."

"Oh," his eyes wandered down to the twin mounds that served as the only challenge to Misato's superiority over womankind. "I suppose that means I would have to involve a lawyer to get the shirt back. Probably less expensive to buy a new one." After a span of heartbeats, he looked back up to her eyes, "Those truly are wonderfully shaped. They must be something of a challenge when you jog, however."

"Shinji Ikari," she paused to swallow, before tugging off her thong, "that is the longest you have ever actually looked at my body. _Ever_." Climbing atop him, she took his hands and ran them up to where he'd let his gaze linger, "Do I have to turn your emotions off to get you excited about my 'wonderful shapes'?"

"Ogling you would have been rude to you, demeaning to Hikari, and set a bad example for Nozomi," concentrating fiercely, he clenched his hands as lightly as he could manage. "Living in a house with two physical goddesses was more than I thought I could manage. It was nothing like living with Misato and Asuka, they were never interested or…huggy. But living with you?" He let his eyes wander along her form, "There were moments where I wanted to run away just so that I wouldn't give in to you."

The thrill of finally being exposed to him, of sitting astride him while he touched her, she knew he could feel her heart pounding in her chest, "I wanted you to give in, Baby. I wanted to show you how I felt…how I feel." Swinging her leg off of him, she laid down by his side, curled into his shoulder, "Later…. Later."

"When I can show you the emotions, rather than just watch them demand I try," he nodded. Watching as she grabbed the sheet with her toes, he stayed still as she covered them over, "You and your sister have very nimble feet. I couldn't manage to do with my toes what you two do."

"Lots of climbing trees," giving in to temptation, she let her hand trail along his chest. "Have to have good grip with all four appendages, or you end up sliding a lot."

"I suppose so. I've never climbed a tree myself, so I'll have to take your word for it." Letting his head fall towards her, he carefully kissed the top of her head, "I love you, Kodama Horaki. Whenever you are ready…I believe I am ready for us to share."

"They had better fix you soon," she groaned. "Because I've waited my whole life for those words…and I'm not known for my patience."

+++++ 13th Angel + 3: Wednesday (83)

Maya walked into Kelly's hospital room, dressed in her full uniform. The sight of the typically well-ordered redhead laying half-drugged out of her mind was painful, the mental impulse to imagine having her own limbs broken in a similar manner unavoidable. Sliding the door closed, and setting down the device that would prevent any as-of-yet undiscovered listening devices from overhearing, she moved over to the bedside and sat down on the rolling stool. Carefully taking the Lieutenant's hand in both of hers, she left the folder on the bed itself.

Starting awake, the liaison took several seconds to reorient herself to her surroundings. Blinking, then squeezing her eyes shut several times, she managed to focus on the woman touching her, "O-oh, Lieutenant Colonel," she went to sit up and immediately regretted the act, "ah! Ahhh…. Ok, no."

"Please stay still," Maya sighed. "I'm sorry, I'm in uniform because I'm performing an official duty. Please, Kelly, let's just stick with informality right now. There's no reason to hurt yourself further, you still have another two surgeries scheduled."

"I…yeah…uhm," rubbing her face with her free hand, she laughed. "They don't spare the good stuff here, do they?"

"You're attached to Shinji, the people here aren't going to engage in half measures for you." Smiling in understanding, she picked up the folder and handed it over, "Congratulations."

Taking the stack of papers, she squeezed Maya's hand before opening it up and forcing herself to read slowly, "I…Lieutenant Commander?" Opening her eyes wider, she looked back to the other woman, then to the papers once more, "I…you…."

"Shinji asked me to take care of this," it was a lie, but a lie intended to cover over her husband's current status, "and the UN Navy came back with an immediate approval. The entire process lasted around an hour, and Admiral Drake himself included the award write up." Lowering her hands to her lap, she shrugged, "You've managed to perform your duty, while under severely trying circumstances. His stock in the eyes of the nation, of the world, continues to climb. Both Shinji and I recognize that this is because of you, as much as anything he's done."

"But…there are transfer orders," she blinked, reading the papers again, "I…. Ma'am, I don't want to transfer." Confusion and worry grew on her features, "The job's not done, he still needs someone he trusts."

"Those…aren't transfer orders," Maya steadied herself with a fortifying breath. "Those are discharge papers."

"I…but…." Her mouth worked soundlessly as she tried to make sense of what she saw before her, "It's just a pair of broken legs. A few months, maybe half a year, I'll be fine. Right?"

"They are going to have to reconstruct the entirety of both knees," using the same tone of voice she'd used for Sahaquiel, the same tone of voice she'd used for Nozomi, the highest-ranking officer in Shinji's household began explaining the inevitable. "Your right ankle is more or less held together by your skin alone. You've shredded your left quadriceps, left shin, left calf. It's easier to begin with which bones in your right leg _aren't_ broken."

"I'd…I'd never serve aboard the fleet again," reality began to creep in, and the cunningly intelligent young officer started to understand what she was being given. "My career would stall, I'd never see the outside of a desk. They're going to be using pins and struts, aren't they?"

"You'll have non-ferrous implants, which will help prevent further medical complications." Maya didn't try to force a smile that she knew wouldn't be accepted. She was taking away someone's career. Her only hope was that the other woman was willing to consider her plan, "The Admiral and I had a long discussion with Temple and Doctor Akagi about potential remedies, but none of them returned you to a condition that would qualify you for continued service. _In the Navy_."

"In the…what do you mean?" Looking down as Maya flipped several papers over, she caught the header of the next grouping, "United Nations…."

"The Assistant Secretary General for Evangelion Affairs believes that a permanent attaché should be assigned to oversee the relations between the United Nations as a whole, and Shinji Ikari." She despised the idea, but she had to accept that there would be repercussions for him demonstrating his 'gifts' as people were calling them. "Several member states have asked to have Japan make him available for hearings, inquests, interviews…the list goes on."

"NERV would never allow him to leave, not with the Angels still around." Kelly's eyes flicked along the paper, reading rapidly through everything before her.

"And the nation of Japan has reminded everyone that he is a conscripted public servant. He has a vast array of legal protections, not the least of which is immunity from prosecution for actions taken while engaged in anti-Angel operations as well as the ability to ignore subpoenas while under the risk of the same." Maya looked towards the door, "The position would not be easily abdicated, Kelly. Several people have written letters urging you to do what's best for mankind, as you can see. I'll let Admiral Drake speak his own mind, but I can say that as for my household we'd be hard pressed to come up with a better candidate." She took a deep breath, "Turn it down."

Her eyebrows knit, and she looked up with confusion strewn across her features, "Wait…what?"

"Turn it down. Go home." Turning back to the other woman, she scooted closer, "You are a good woman, with plenty of talents and intellect to fall back on. The Navy was a good career choice, but that's gone now. You are looking at a lifetime of suffering by taking this position, by tethering yourself to Shinji. You know as well as I do that the world is coming for him. The higher he rises, the more people look to him for direction, the greater the chances that the traditional power structures are going to seek to blame him for _everything_. Don't do it to yourself. Turn this down. We'll tell the UN that we couldn't convince you to take on the job for such meager pay, that should give you a leg up in negotiations in your next job…wherever that is."

"Do…do you not want me around, ma'am?" Setting the folder down, still opened, her face made clear that she was trying to make sense of things, but was failing, "I'm no threat to your marriage, I'm certainly no threat to his life…does…does Hikari not want me around? Shinji? I had thought I was doing a good job…."

"It's _because_ you were doing a good job that I'm telling you this," reaching out, she took the redhead's hand kindly. "You are a good woman, Kelly Chambers. But things around here are going to become very dangerous, very soon. I can't in good faith urge you to not take this chance to go home, to choose your own path, to not become forever interlinked with a group of people that will never know peace. You'll be given a good pension, you'll be medically retired, you have a chance now to start a family, a business, an empire. Or you have a chance to become the whipping girl for the United Nations as they try to stop Shinji from being Shinji. To be the public face of a marriage that people in your home country aren't terribly approving of, according to polls."

Letting her eyes roll upwards, Kelly snorted, "Those polls are rigged. Always have been. They contact the people that are most likely to give the opinion they want to broadcast. Those that agree tune in to see their own prejudices parroted, those that disagree tune in to leave angry comments. Either way? They tune in. It's all media manipulation is, anymore." Wincing as her leg twitched, she shook her head, "I'm not ignoring your logic, ma'am. I just…do you need an answer right away?"

"You won't be going anywhere for a while," Maya stated, to give an answer of a sort.

"Then…I'll think on things." Turning her gaze back to the folder, she sighed, "I had hoped that…." She snorted a laugh, "Hope. Hope is a wreath of pretty flowers that smell _terrible_."

+++++ Author's Notes:

Jam-Man265: RE: Reasons to fight.

Slight spoiler: Shinji's not as sanguine as he seems. Shinji's _very, very much_ not as sanguine as he seems.

Starfire99: RE: Crying.

I'm sorry to say the hints are all in place for how everything is about to go. Those who have been paying attention will likely know where this is all going to go from here.

SK: RE: Words.

There are days where I wonder if my words work right.

TripleF: 

RE: Sakura and Rejection vs. Betrayal.

Her story isn't…fully known, we'll say. Shinji isn't done learning how bad of a judge of character he is. As for me, personally? Betrayal. Rejection is ultimately learning to accept that your best may never be enough for someone else. Accept you gave your best, or learn from not giving your best. That's fine. Betrayal? That's a knife that has barbs. Goes in clean, comes out _dirty_. I have some good experience with both the metaphor and literal meaning there.

RE: Rei.

I'm going to just say that I'm avoiding spoilers. People are touchy about those, and I can appreciate how they feel. There is one person that knows where I'm taking her story, and I'm trying to keep it that way. The one person that people haven't noticed, however, is still giving me cover for this storyline. Fingers crossed.

RE: Legacy.

If one person comes away from my story thinking they can accomplish something they want to do, and they give it their best, succeed or fail…I'll feel like all of this will have been worth it. I never thought I could keep an audience engaged for this long. If I can manage? I know all of you can.

Martial Arts Master: RE: Rei.

Lilith may have done Rei a favor. It might just be a matter of perspective. The world on the other hand, they may be worse off now. Arael and Armisael weren't Shinji's wins, after all.

JaceSterne:

RE: Lily and Rose.

Their place in the story is indeed waxing. Shinji's life, however, isn't going to let him focus on any one problem, even one as important as everyone's favorite albino bluenette.

RE: Tabris.

He has their scent.

origamishishou:

RE: Jinxes.

Rei's fate was actually sealed on (4th Angel + 4: Monday (25)). True story. Nobody here present had anything to do with her current standing, promise.

RE: Leliel's appearance.

I started with her Aspect, and removed the romanticism. Many people idealize the Night in a poetic sense, and I wanted to break away from that. So I thought about a woman who'd been in the dark her whole life, never needing to really pay attention to herself because nobody ever saw her anyway. She received all of these bards (professional and wannabe) that praised her beauty and glory, and never had to mature past being a surly teen because she was given all of the sustenance she'd need without any effort. Now that she has a boy she's interested in (one that's clearly suffering from the same anxieties she has) and he's approachable, handsome, and willing to bend enough to give her a chance…she has no idea what to do.

She's a mess, she's rumpled, and her attempts at flirtation fall flat because he's not what she thought humans were at all. After all, she's seen all of this poetic nonsense about sneaking glances at coquettish women and being turned on by the barest hint of thigh. Flash him the panties, offer a kiss, bing-bang-boom, right? Unfortunately for her it's Shinji, and he's not that kind of a man. Fortunately for her it's Shinji, and he's a forgiving sort.

The image in my mind was more of a Sadako Yamamura, minus the dead and drowned bits, as Leliel has long, uncut hair. But Kuroki Tomoko isn't far off either, just much shorter hair.


	96. Chapter 96

+++++ 13th Angel + 3: Wednesday (83)

"It's aggressively adorable," Misato bit into her knuckle. "It just…it jumps off of the screen and shoves 'cute' in your face until you can't do anything but drown in delight." Setting the largest section of the bridge's screen to displaying a picture that had been sent to her by Kodama, ostensibly to show that she was taking her duty seriously, but more to share with her the image of Shinji laying on the couch asleep with Nozomi curled in a ball on his chest and Sakura lying against his side, his arms gently holding one child each.

Several other members of the bridge crew 'ooh'ed and 'ah'ed at the scene, making small comments to one another about how much they looked forward to him becoming a father. It was the broad consensus of many of the female staff that he needed to begin down that path sooner, rather than later, so that they could approach their own significant others with the topic. If Shinji Ikari could defend the world and bring life into it, then so could they. A number of the men looked, instead, and began to wonder if they were doing the right thing by their own children, or by waiting to have any. Here was a man that took care of two dead men's children, eagerly and without complaint.

"He has a way about him," Shigeru stood waiting for his boss to sign the various forms needed to continue recovery operations. "I'm just glad to see that he's not hardening his heart, ma'am. That man, of any man on Earth, has more than enough reasons to shut down completely. To just give up and accept that his entire life is one long beating." Quirking one half of his mouth into a smirk, he shook his head, "Yet here he is. Making me rethink my 'no dating' stance."

"We have to have hope, Aoba-kun," Kozo joined the conversation following another in an endless string of meetings. "Without it, we have no reason to wake up in the morning. No reason to dig deeper when the enemy is at the gate."

"Budget increase?" Misato hoped beyond hope that they had managed to secure more funding, with her effective force down by thirty three percent. She knew neither of her operational pilots would balk at continuing on, but she needed to offer incentives to keep the people supporting them from fleeing.

"Three point eight percent across the board," the old professor grinned tightly. "Special provisions to both pilots totaling eight point seven percent."

Shigeru let his fingers dance on the top of the console, "So…I'm getting a raise?"

"A retroactive one," Misato clenched her fists, a victorious feeling growing in her chest. "We asked for a retroactive incentive bonus because of the clear manipulation by SEELE. With their funds being frozen, and their assets being held, we managed to talk the UN into pushing that money our way. If they didn't want us to succeed, then what better way to use that cash than to _help_ us succeed?"

+++++ 13th Angel + 3: Wednesday (83)

 _You hung up on me._

"I was not going to sit there and listen to you badmouth a man who'd just thought he'd lost someone he viewed as a sister." Asuka brushed her hair out, preparing to go and visit the man in question, "Did I get a little too flirty with him? Yes. I'd just barely survived combat, it's part of the human condition. I wanted sex, and am not going to be shamed into thinking that his actions were pushing towards that, it was my failing not his."

 _So you admit that you don't want him?_

"I admit nothing of the sort," she scoffed. "He is, without question, the best available mate. Were he not married, I would gladly let him take me out to dinner to see if we were as compatible as I believe we are. But he _is_ married, and my wants do not figure into that. Should his wives continue to be stupid, should Hikari actually cheat on him with these other women she's constantly flirting with, I might just convince him to get a divorce for his own good."

 _You remember what happened last-_

Slamming down her hairbrush, she glowered at the mirror, "I do not need a reminder, thank you." Standing up straight, she checked herself over one last time. Wearing the yellow sundress she'd first met him in, she tugged on it in places to verify that the body tape was going to hold.

 _Going without proper support is sending a much different message than the one you're telling me about. I thought we agreed not to lie to each other?_

"I am not interested in the opinions of other men. I _am_ interested in _his_ opinion of me." Spreading a light application of waterproof lip gloss, she rolled her lips together while she checked the other small touches she'd made, "I am a woman. He is a man. We don't have to be sexually active to appreciate what we see in the other. Knowing that he thinks I'm attractive, that's enough." Winking at her reflection, she turned to leave, "It's harmless flirting, and it fills a need."

 _And when he places an abomination inside of you? When your 'harmless flirting' ends with you weeping on the floor of another bathroom while covered in blood? Klaus stole your future. He stole your happiness. What will_ he _steal?_ _I have not spent years piecing you back together to sit idly by while you throw away everything, Asuka._

Pausing at her door, the flame-haired pilot of Unit-02 clenched her hand tightly around the body of her small clutch purse. Her voice low, she ground out the words through teeth that threatened to shatter, "Shinji. Is not. Him." Her knuckles cracked from the strain, "Shinji _loves_ me. He has never once lied to me. He cherishes me. I have spent those same years thinking that there were no men on Earth that should continue to breathe. Years flirting with _Kaji_ so that other men would leave me alone. Years anticipating meeting a _boy_ and now that instead I've been presented with…with Shinji…. I will have one man in my life that views me as more than a baby factory. His name is Shinji Ikari. He needs my help now. I am going. You can't stop me this time."

 _I've stopped you every other time because you are getting dangerously close to making a terrible mistake. Do you think I enjoy what you're going through? Do you think I'm happy that whatever that thing was, that it scrambled your brain this badly? You lose consciousness at random, you can't remember entire days at times, you wake up in strange places where you most certainly did not fall asleep. We agreed to work with each other, Asuka. We agreed that the world would not continue to abuse you. Shinji is not the answer to your questions. Those answers can_ only _come from within yourself. You don't need Shinji._

Her anger vanished, as quickly as it arrived, and she slumped against the door. "You're right."

 _Sit down, do some work on your thesis. You'll see, it's better to not involve him. He's got that same strange aura, he's another trauma waiting to happen._

"No," she laughed. "I mean you're right in that I don't _need_ Shinji." Standing up tall, she turned back to the mirror and made certain that she hadn't mussed anything, "I _want_ him." Opening the door, she left her phone behind as she went to try and cheer up her friend.

+++++ 13th Angel + 3: Wednesday (83)

"I'm disappointed," Shinji looked at the younger version of himself. "At least, that's what I would be…if I didn't have to have my emotions dulled so that you couldn't manipulate me."

" _You're_ disappointed?" Adam snorted, "I raised my children better. I think as the father I'm entitled to be the one who's disappointed here."

The two sat, under guard, at a table with light refreshments available for either party. Shinji had insisted that Adam be treated with dignity, and Adam cared far too much for Shinji to not play host properly. With Ireul acting as warden, and the meeting taking place in Leliel's domain while she had her hair combed out by the man whose body she resided within, there was little chance that anything negative could come to pass, but nobody was taking risks.

"From what I've seen, you raised them to be tools," there was anger in his words, though none made its way to his tone. "Starved them of the types of affection they needed to thrive. Wouldn't you agree that I might have some issues with that state of affairs considering how my own childhood went? You weren't preparing them for life beyond you, for the time when they went out into the world and stood on their own two feet."

"What life?" Seeing a way to frame the discussion, the former First Angel leaned forward, "My friend, my children are physical constants. They are fragments of creation, not mortal beings. You interact with them as if they were human, as if they needed food and water. You need to understand that all of us, even Lilith, are _not_ _human_. Gaghiel and Sahaquiel may seem like children, but they have been as they are for far longer than you can rightly conceive of from your frame of reference. I was, and am, trying to help you."

"By pushing me to reset everything?" The logic simply didn't follow, "How would ceasing to exist help me?"

"Because it would restore control to him," Leliel tilted her head back to look up at Shinji with great affection. "Lilith is too weak now; she wouldn't be able to stop both the Judges and him." Rubbing her face against his fingers as he went to turn her head back straight again so he could continue working, she kissed Shinji's knee, "If Lilith brought you back, it would be without all of this."

"I would have brought you back as one of my children," Adam corrected with a cold glare at his former daughter. "Given you direction. Purpose. There are still gaps in Creation, Domains that need their shepherds. You would remember everything; you would not need to suffer as you are."

"You say they're not human," continuing with his gentle ministrations, he worked another knot free from the Aspect of Night's hair, "and yet here she sits. She enjoys having me comb her hair."

"She's thinking about your lips," he countered.

"She enjoys kissing, like humans tend to," Shinji shrugged.

"She exists as she does because it is easier for you to perceive her this way," Adam set his head in his hands. "She doesn't have lips. She doesn't have hair. You are anthropomorphizing the metaphorical concept of time associated with the period of planetary rotation where you exist on the opposite side of a ball of rock from the constant bombardment of electromagnetic radiation emitted by a ball of gas." Waving one hand around his own head, he lifted one eye to Shinji, "Why do you think I look like I do? The other option is I appear to you as pure light, something you wouldn't be able to conceptualize and interact with."

"I enjoy his conception of me," Leliel sighed in contentment. "His mind gave me form, his soul has given me life, and without my asking he's giving me what you've denied me forever. Sorry 'dad', I'm Shinji's girl now."

"No," Shinji disagreed firmly. "You belong to you, Leliel. A wise woman, whom I have the occasional serious disagreement with, was very correct in this: you _must_ belong to yourself. You have to be able to stand on your own two feet, so that when I need your help…you have the strength to help me." Leaning down, he kissed the top of her head, "That's not to say that you can't give of yourself to me, or that I won't give of myself to you. But no matter what, you have to value yourself before anyone else will value you at all."

"Without any emotions to call upon, His Grace shows more compassion than you," Ireul slid over and hugged Shinji close. "We will not allow you to take Him from Our side, Forgotten One. His Lily and His Rose are nearing the end of undoing your dreadful crimes against His person. When that comes, know that We will enjoy showing you the error of your ways."

"Iri," Shinji reached up and patted her elbow, "the crime was committed against me. It's my duty to render judgement."

"The crime was committed against all of us, Your Grace," kissing his ear, she sighed. "Your loss would have harmed us all, Our sisters, Our brothers, Your family. Forever dreaming of what was taken from all of us while we toiled in base servitude would have torn a hole in our hearts."

"We will not allow him to be unduly harmed," he turned his focus back to the woman seated between his legs. "There will be punishment, but We are not savages. Justice, not vengeance, or We are no better."

"You would spread your Domain throughout all of creation, child," Adam refused to give up. "You would use his affection for the woman whose visage you stole to take of his power and seed Terror everywhere you could." Looking back to Shinji, he slapped his hand on the table, "Tell me that you honestly believe that is a good thing, my friend. Tell me that you will rejoice in watching as entire civilizations suffer in fear for reasons they cannot explain."

"Fear stops the child from reaching into the fire," Shinji shrugged. "Fear keeps us aware of our surroundings when crossing the street. Or when we approach an animal we don't recognize. Fear tells us not to go out in the dark, because we can't see as well as the jackal, or the spider. If she will agree to use her gifts to teach caution, and prudence, then I see no harm in it. You know we cannot lie here, Adam. There is no negative that cannot be turned to good ends, so long as reasonable hands guide it. I once thought you were those reasonable hands." His eyes lifted to the other man, "I was disappointed."

The younger Shinji glared at his former children, "She will never-"

"I, Ireul, Aspect of Terror and Beloved of Shinji Ikari, do hereby swear to only use my gifts to teach wisdom," Ireul cut off her former master. "By my love of His Grace, and by my right as Sovereign, I shall do no other."

Another two knots fell as Shinji's mouth curled in thought, "Are you a Duchess? A Princess? I've never understood what your rank would be, Iri. I've probably been rather rude by not using the proper titles and appellations." Tilting his head back, he let her see into his eyes, hoping that she would find the emotion he couldn't project, "Thank you for proving my faith correct. I accept your oath, and swear to never cast you from my side so long as you hold to your promise."

"You…you are subordinating yourself to him?" Adam boggled, "After complaining about being subordinate to anyone?"

"He is not anyone," gently kissing Shinji's forehead, she smiled. "He is _mine_." Her eye lifted to Adam's, pain promised within the glowing orb, "Forever." Stepping free, she moved to where Shinji could see her, "Your Grace, You have a caller. She approaches within the half hour; You should rise and prepare."

"Aw," Leliel groused, "I wasn't done."

"There will be other times, dear sister," the woman that would be first amongst his Aspects offered a hand to her younger sibling. "If you ask politely, I am certain His Grace will give you a salve for the wound."

Once his legs were free, Shinji stood and gently took the teenaged Aspect's chin in his fingers, turning her to face him and kissing her. Holding it for as long as he once would have for Kodama, he stood tall once more, "I apologize that I cannot put as much warmth as you deserve into the gesture, Leliel. I have not forgotten my promise, and when I am in control of myself again I will give you the two kisses I owe you."

Trying to flirt, despite having no experience in the art, Leliel toyed with his shirt, "Well…if you make it three, I'll forgive you."

"Only if you let me wash your hair," he countered. "It's spectacular, the way that it seems like it contains stars. I would enjoy spending more time fixing it." Turning his attention to the woman beside him, he reached out and took her hand, "Please do not abuse him. So long as he doesn't cause any more problems, we gain nothing by becoming monsters."

"If he doesn't force my hand," she whispered so only he could hear, "I won't tear his off." Offering herself for a kiss of her own, she was pleased when he supplied one without hesitation. Lingering at the task, she felt her sense of self filling with joy at the honest affection, as emotionally numb as it was. After he parted, she looked up at him and grinned, "I would like to be a Duchess, Your Grace. My lands were small and desolate before you opened my cage…it would please me to have you take responsibility for my new-found freedom." Tapping his lips, she prevented him from answering, "When you are once more your own, we shall speak on it again. Go now, you have obligations."

+++++ 13th Angel + 3: Wednesday (83)

Coming awake once more, Shinji could see happiness beating at the dividing wall. Curled on his chest, and tucked beside him, were two of the best reasons he'd ever been given to fight on. Each dead to the world, and both drooling on him. Carefully looking around, he sought out some assistance, as his body had yet to fully recover the ability to control itself enough that he felt comfortable disengaging either child from his person. _Suzuka? Maya?_ Two minutes passed, without response, and he decided that he would need to seek another avenue of attack.

His phone caught his eye, and reminded him of the earlier conversation he'd had before lying down on the couch to spend some time speaking with his other guests. _I told them I needed that in reach._ The device lay well out of where he could reasonably be expected to grasp it, still on the coffee table closer to where Kodama had set it by her own. Attached to the phone was its charger, which was then attached to the outlet in the floor. _I guess it was low._

The comedy of the situation itself was not lost on him, though he lacked the ability to enjoy it as he might once have. The irony of the situation quickly revealed itself to him, as he realized that if he had the ability to enjoy the comedy he would also have the ability to address the situation himself. Thinking around the problem for a time, he nearly found the emotional bearing to curse himself as an idiot, _Gaghiel._

 _Hello Great One!_ The Aspect of Fish rolled into existence above him, looking down, _Oh! How wonderful! You are bonding with the young. I always encourage that when possible. It helps them grow stronger, I think._

 _Gaghiel, please find Maya. Ask her to call Kodama and tell her I need help._ He pointed to his phone, _I can't reach that to do it myself. I would wake them, and that would hurt them._

 _Oh. Oh!_ Disappearing briefly, he reappeared with Sahaquiel, _No need, Great One! Sister, please hand him that odd thing there. Politely, please._

 _Uhm…this?_ The titanic Aspect of the Sky was still having trouble with resizing herself, and had to crouch in on herself to fit in the room. Using her nails, she plucked the phone from the table and offered it to Shinji, _Careful…careful…this is very small._

Retrieving it from her grasp, Shinji looked up to the one great eye of his 'youngest' daughter and nodded, _Thank you, Sahaquiel. I didn't know you could do that. If I need that in the future, I'll make certain to ask for your help. Gaghiel,_ he turned to face the piscine former Angel, who was bobbing around the room humming, _that was good thinking. You both were very helpful._

 _Glad to help!_ Gaghiel grinned broadly. _Have you thought about putting somewhere for me to make some children for you? Perhaps under that odd black thing there?_ He indicated the television, _Plenty of room. Bound it with something that will stop the water from going everywhere, ask Sachiel to fill it…I'd fill it with lots of tasty children!_

 _I will ask how my housemates feel about pets,_ he promised, typing out a message to Kodama and Hikari. Hitting send, he looked up to Sahaquiel, _I saw the art you and Leliel made. It was very impressive, the way that you managed to have the colors shift subtly made me wish I could take a picture to show everyone. I'd tape it to the refrigerator, so my guests would know how proud I am of you._

"Sorry!" Hikari's whispered apology caused both Aspects to vanish without another word, "We were cleaning." Both sisters moved to claim one child each, "We got distracted by conversation, I'm sorry."

He waved away the concern, pushing himself to a seated position slowly. "Company soon. Get them to bed." As the room was swiftly emptied, Shinji waited until the coast was clear to try and move himself. Wobbling upright on legs that argued against his instructions, he pushed himself towards the wheelchair. Working his bulk into the seat, he shifted his limbs and appendages about until they were in place. He had almost finished by the time that his wife returned, but ran afoul of 'almost' not being 'almost' enough.

"Shinji Ikari," hurrying over, she stopped him from pulling on his leg any harder, "I swear I am going to duct tape your wrists and ankles together." Fixing his pants which had become tangled, then moving his legs back into place in the stirrups, she sighed, "Did I do this when I was in the wheelchair? No. I listened when I was told not to push myself." Her chastisement of him was tinged with worry, but carried the undeniable strands of love that provoked her fears of him hurting himself, "The least you could do is follow my lead here, my love."

"If I don't push," he replied, lifting a single shaking hand to grip her arm, "I don't know how far along in recovery I am. I need to be ready to get in Unit-01 if he shows up early. Zeruel was able to take out both Asuka and Rei. I didn't defeat him, at best we fought to a tie. There is too much at stake for me to sit idle, Light. Your life is too important to risk."

"Yes, well last time you didn't have the support network you have now, Baby," Kodama approached with a sigh. "Let's get this shirt off, if we're expecting company he shouldn't have drool all over himself."

"Last time I had Rei," he countered. The emotionless way he was forced to state the truth caused both women to deflate, "I'm sorry, but it's true. Unit-00 and Unit-02 bought me time to pull my head out of my ass. They may have weakened Zeruel enough for me to fight him. There are too many things about that fight that I'm not positive on, and we are facing the unknown. If I can't trust my emotions before he shows up, then I need to push myself until I'm able to fight and win as I am."

The knock at the door signaled the arrival of their guest, and Hikari quickly checked her phone to see who it was, "It's…Asuka." Moving over to open the door, she looked back and received a shrug from her sister and a blank look from her husband. Opening the portal, she was greeted with a warmth that she hadn't anticipated, considering the recent events.

"Good afternoon, Hikari," hugging the wife of her lead pilot, the redheaded enigma smiled in such a way as to show she was keeping her chin up. If, of course, one believed her capable of such emotions as despondence. "I hope you don't mind me just dropping by, but I wanted to check in on Shinji and see how everyone was holding up. Without Unit-02 to practice in or the little ones to teach German to, I ran out of ways to keep myself occupied and out of my own head."

"Of course," stepping out of the way, Hikari motioned into the house, "please. Come in. I'm sorry that we don't have any tea ready, but we've been busy organizing the house for when Sakura-chan's belongings arrive."

"Oh, that's no worry at all," Asuka waved away the issue. Spotting Shinji sitting shirtless she lifted her eyebrow, "You're still in a wheelchair? Should you be at NERV getting seen?"

Kodama looked sidelong to Hikari, both women recognizing the tell-tale signs of a woman dressed to draw attention to herself, "I'm here to keep an eye on him. We'd done all we could with medicines, and at this point it's just letting him work through the emotional toll of the past week." Keeping her hand on Shinji's shoulder, she tried not to immediately mention the lack of a bra, the subtle hints of makeup, the clearly done hair, the painted nails, or any of the other hundred signs that she was either ready for a date or hoping to be asked for one, "You seem to be holding up well. Any lingering pains?"

"The memory of pain lasts far longer than the pain itself, generally," Shinji stated with all too great a familiarity. "Your throat," he lifted a trembling hand to his own, "probably still feels tight. Wearing a sun dress like that is a good idea, it stops anything from feeling like it's choking you." His head tilted slightly, "Probably why you're not wearing the brooch-choker." Looking back to Kodama he shook his head, "I'm fine. I'll sit in the wheelchair so I don't topple over and crush her. Why don't you go and work on what you were doing."

Hikari saw his finger twitching against his leg, the agreed upon signal that he needed time to talk to Maya altered slightly to indicate that he wanted to speak alone with his fellow pilot. The implicit request for trust brought her back away from the darker thoughts, her husband was not the kind of man to fall for such obvious charms, "Are you sure, my love? Would you like me to make some tea quickly?"

"Asuka can wheel me into the kitchen, and I'll tell her where everything is," he switched the tapping to patting, signing his gratitude that she'd understood his thoughts. "There is a lot to do, and I am sorry that I can't do anything to help. But with a guest here, I can at least pretend to host while you two make sure that Sakura doesn't feel like an invader. I'll call if there's something you can do for us."

"Please feel free to help yourself to anything in the kitchen, Asuka," Hikari gently touched the other woman's shoulder as she passed. "Come on, Koko, let's keep at it. Another hour or so and we should be done in time for the Wealth Wheel." Drawing her older sister with her, she lowered her voice enough that their guest couldn't overhear. However, Shinji's senses were far too acute anymore to not catch her statement, "He's asked for a moment. You know as well as I do that he's not going to do anything inappropriate. She can flirt all she wants, he's not biting."

After a grumbled reply that reminded him of both how far the eldest Horaki had come, and how far she had yet to go, Shinji waited for them to be out of sight before he gripped the wheels on his chair and pushed himself forwards, "Sorry. Things have been strained of late. It's not you, it's my being stubborn about everything."

"Stop," planting herself in his path, she held her hands out to the sides. "I'm pushing you. You hold my purse." Dropping the clutch in his lap, she twirled behind his chair, "I don't spend all of that time in the gym pushing myself to be stronger just because I like having toned arms and legs." Grunting slightly as she gained the first bit of important momentum, she had him moving soon enough with little effort, "You, however, need to stop growing. Too much more and we're going to look hilarious on the dance floor."

He nodded, "I wish I could. I'm wearing what I am today because it's what fits. We've asked the Shirakami to help find something else, but those few extra centimeters each fight really add up." Holding up his hand as they reached the kitchen door, he looked back, "I'll sit on the stool. The chair just gets in the way." He soon found two hands on his arm, helping him stand, "Thank you."

"We've got to watch out for each other," she smiled through the strain of holding up well over one hundred kilograms. "I'm just glad you don't mind seeing me in 'laundry day' clothing." Placing him at the center island, she twisted her shoulders to set her dress dancing, "It's an old favorite, but I have better."

"Anything you wear looks good on you, Asuka," shifting his bulk around so that he sat comfortably, he looked at her with the seriousness that was left for him. "You are, and likely always have been, a gorgeous woman. You could wear a burlap sack and still charm a stone." Gesturing shakily to the correct cabinet, he struggled to keep his hand from flying off his wrist, "Third shelf, there's coffee. I know you don't like tea."

"Meine kleine mausebär, I need you to sit still," she kept the thrill of victory from her voice, but not from her song. "If you fall and get hurt, I'm going to be very cross with you." Locating the coffee grounds, she looked back over her shoulder, "Go for a cup?"

"Please," he nodded. They were about to speak on things that would dehumanize him, and he had to help her still see him as human. He needed her trust, and that meant starting as he intended to carry on, "Mouse bear. German is an odd language, though I doubt that I have much room to speak considering the difficulties most people have with Japanese."

Preparing the carafe, she shrugged with a fond smile, "It's something I heard once, and thought was cute." Cerulean eyes held a hint of fear as she looked back at him, "Does it bother you?"

"No," he shook his head. "It even makes sense, from a certain perspective. I try very hard to not be seen, to not just bull over people with my size. But I _am_ huge. Calling me a bear-sized mouse…really isn't that far from the truth. I suppose it's even something that I can feel proud of, that despite not being around as often as I ought to have you still regard me fondly enough to have a nickname for me."

"I haven't helped that," carrying the water over to the coffeemaker, she began to fill the well. "You've invited me out, you've invited me over, you've asked me to dinner and movies, and each time she…." Clenching her jaw, she finished filling the machine, "I've allowed myself to be convinced that I…or maybe even you, might get hurt."

Shinji had not missed the change in pronoun, but opted to not call attention to it. Pressing Asuka for information she didn't want to give wasn't in him to do, "I hope you know that I would never intentionally hurt you. I am sorry if I have done anything that _has_ hurt you."

Setting the coffee grounds into place, she replaced the carafe, switched the machine on, and turned to face him, "You have never once been less than a perfect gentleman to me, Shinji Ikari. You have never been needlessly rude, never been crass, never done anything but support me." Crossing over to where he sat, she took his hand in both of hers and held it against her stomach, "I am safe around you. I am welcomed where you are. It is my fault, not yours, that I have been too stubborn to take advantage of that." Watching him keep his eyes on her forehead with an affectionate grin, she laughed, "Something wrong with my hair?"

"It's perfect, as always," he shifted his gaze to the marble countertop. "I'm just trying not to be a pervert."

Her grin shifted a few times between various emotional states before settling back to tender, "Is there something that interests you? You've never shown much interest in them the other few times I've given you a free show. Do your emotions need to be numbed for you to let go of that rock-solid control of yours? Hmm?" Reaching up, she turned his head back to face her, "Shinji, we're attractive people. You aren't wearing a shirt, and I can tell you honestly that I've been helping myself to the sight. I never thought I'd like someone without any hair, and so pale, but on you it just works."

Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath and then followed that with a risk. Gripping her about the lower ribs with one great hand, he hefted her onto the central island. With her at a better angle to not constantly risk staring at her shapely bosom, he opened his eyes and set them to hers, "I think too much of you to treat you that way, Asuka. I don't mind you looking at me, especially as I don't have much to wear to prevent it even if it bothered you, but you deserve better than some emotionally deadened freak looking at you and thinking of lust at a time like this."

There was a war in her song, the steadying influence of his own the only reason that she wasn't already exploding. He heard agitation and satisfaction, hope and anger, trepidation and…that one quality he'd always ascribed to her, bravado. Her eyes told enough of the story, as she wasn't satisfied with his statement in the slightest, but she seemed to be engaged in an active debate about how to respond to that. The urge to just yell at him was clear, and just as clearly being stifled.

To avoid the possible conflict, he drove on, "More than three thousand people died in Nevada at the NERV base there. An Eva pilot, and an Eva among them. Additionally, the woman that was responsible for rescuing me from a bad situation, and her team. She and I hadn't spoken to each other directly in weeks, and I likely will never know why she was avoiding me. I enjoyed talking to her, I enjoyed her counsel even if I didn't always take it. A normal human would be able to mourn her death. A normal human would have cried as he found out she was dead instead of justifying it. A normal human…." He shrugged, "Not two days later, we get attacked by two Angels at once. Because I wasn't fast enough in eliminating the Twelfth, I wasn't there to protect you and Rei from the Thirteenth." His hand stayed on her side, "Through all of this…lust. You held me while I cried like a broken toddler. Lust. I woke up from the fugue state. Lust. I found out that Rei was still breathing. Lust. I can't feel anything right now, I'm numb beyond the meaning of the word, but I can feel that one…impulse. It's terrible of me. It's demeaning to you, to everyone. I know why my emotions are gone, but I can't explain why that remains. I look at you, and I want to…."

"And yet," she reached over and lifted his hand from her ribs to hold again, "you don't touch me like that." Purposefully placing his hand on her breasts, she pressed it firmly against her, "I wanted you, Shinji. That evening, after everything. I wanted you to climb inside of me and give yourself to me. I wanted you to touch me. To need me." Her voice became thick with heat, "I wanted to claim you and not let go." Her song went dead, and her eyes followed, "We didn't. We didn't, because at the end of the day it's just animal nature, and we aren't animals."

The feel of her in his hand was deadened, and the only reason he had not pulled away was that she clutched him close. Any motion he made risked pulling her with it, "Asuka?"

"I understand numb," she shifted his hand lower, slowly moving it to a new place he'd never expected to touch, "I understand broken. For years I have pretended to care, Shinji. I have pretended, only to have my emotions resurface at the worst possible moment. Fighting their way to the top long enough to force anyone and anything that might help me away." The curve of her form was hot against his fingers, "I swore to myself that I would not let this last chance die the same death. That I would give anything and everything I could to make _one_ friend. To befriend the one other person that might begin to understand my drive, my goals, and how far behind me the rest of humankind is."

The way she spoke sounded far too much like Rei, and he realized quickly, far too much like him, "Asuka I-"

"Shut up." Her eyes never left his, "I expected this weak-willed little boy. Someone pliant, and easily manipulated by a little flirting. Promise a little, but never pay off much, and I'd have a friend for life." She squeezed his hand around her, "I was disgusted with myself." Her grip never faltered, "Then I met you. You turned away instead of sneaking a peek. You smiled and said you looked forward to meeting me properly, but you remained faithful to your wife. You killed the people who threatened me, but never demanded I 'repay you'. You made me a cake, and offered it as an apology. You trusted me with your wife, instead of keeping me as a shameful secret. You invited me over, you tried to bring me into your life, you held me and told me that you would protect me even as you trusted me with your secrets, and through it all?" She pressed him harder around her, "Lust."

Rose and Lily appeared suddenly, both looking around and expecting something far different than either now saw before them. The pink-skinned captain began waving to tell him without words to remain calm, and the pale-skinned Aspect seemed to gaze inside of Asuka's head with dawning realization.

When Asuka let go, he slowly withdrew his hand, "You never need to-"

"Shut up." Scooting over, she slid off the counter and sat on his lap with her legs wrapped around his body, "You and I have spoken about our mothers. About how we were left alone. Abandoned. How your father shoved you away to throw himself into Eva, and how my father gilded my cage to throw himself between a new woman's legs. Both ignored, both abused, we made our way through life with the hopes that at some point it would all make sense." The lifeless quality of her eyes shifted, becoming predatory, "It makes a little more sense with the whole story."

 _I never would have believed it._ Rose shook her head, _Never._

 _It's true,_ Lily sighed, looking back to the other non-human in the room. _Someone left a shard in her, just like they did with him. Difference is, this one is dead. That's why we never noticed it. Someone left a dying remnant in her psyche…but why?_

"When I was thirteen," Asuka set one nail against his chest, "I met someone while I was attending courses at the Free University of Berlin. _Klaus_ ," she dug the nail into his flesh, "such a stereotypical name." A small smile grew, filled with contempt and pain, "I should have known as soon as I first spoke with him, he was a walking cliché. He 'helped' me, talking to me when nobody else wanted to, or carrying my bags, the little things that men do to show they want inside of you long enough to make themselves feel powerful." The corner of her lip and cheek near her nose began to twitch as she fought against something he couldn't see.

[Static] _, please, she is unwell. You need to call for help. Her waveform is inverting again, you remember what happened last time._ Rose showed him the diagrams, _She's projecting an intense amount of_ [static] _. It's-_

 _It's poison,_ Lily laughed. _It's emotional poison. And it isn't going to do a damn thing to him._

He tuned them out, "Asuka," he didn't care that she was drawing blood, he didn't care that the two women most responsible for his knowledge of the world beyond Earth were fighting, he cared only about the young woman that he once lived with and how she was hurting. "Asuka?" Her eyes slowly lifted back to his, away from the rent she was carving in his skin, "I'm listening. When you're ready."

Looking back down to her handiwork, she sighed, "You likely know what comes next." She swallowed in disgust, "He got tired of waiting. He decided to take things into his own hands. He…attacked me." Leaning forward, she kissed the wound as it healed, licking the blood from his chest, "I killed him." The twitch resurfaced, the internal struggle raging on. When she felt a clumsy hand move to her back, she looked up at him with angry fear, then pain as she saw no judgement in his eyes.

 _Your precious Judges sent a Scion to poison the well, you idiot,_ Lily sat down on the countertop, her arms crossed. _Lodge a timebomb in her head, hide it under all the crazy, and when Shinji gets close to her it feeds off of her natural psychoses to poison him. The problem is, they never anticipated_ human kindness. _They never saw Shinji not immediately jumping on her offer and riding her off into the sunset. The concept that Shinji might actually be a good man never occurred to them. With his emotions switched off, this attack is now beyond useless._

 _They…they wouldn't._ Rose's face twitched between anger and disbelief, _That'd be a violation of their own rules. A violation of the UP3. A violation of their oath to not harm civilizations that are incapable of leaving their home system. They told me to…. They wanted me to…._

"They called it self-defense," she continued quietly. "The formal hearing supported the claim, based on the camera evidence and the fact that NERV pressed them to not bring anything to light. Then…the hospital, the counselors," her eyes hardened again, "talking to me like I was some child. Like I didn't understand what had happened." With each statement, she slammed her fists against his chest, "I was in University to study psychology! I'm fairly positive that I know exactly what he was doing! Why he was doing it! And what happened when I jammed a fucking knife in his throat!" Glaring at him, she hit him again, "Hate me! Hate me, damn you! I've been lying to you this whole time! You've been thinking I'm a good girl. Thinking I'm clean. Thinking I'm just misunderstood! Stop looking at me like I'm-"

"Shut up." His voice remained calm as he claimed her wrists uneasily, without his emotions to support his desires, "I am looking at you like you are my wingman. I am looking at you like you are someone who is important to me. I am looking at you…because I love you." He nodded, the logic making sense to him, "You weren't lying to me Asuka. There is nothing wrong with having secrets, or not sharing everything from your past. When did we first meet?" He dodged having to lie by letting her believe her truth, "I haven't told you everything either. I haven't told you about Sensei. I haven't told you about the dark thoughts I have."

"Like what," she snapped, "not giving someone _two_ slices of toast in the morning?"

"Like how it would feel to crush my father's head between my hands," focusing his mind, he lifted both hands and set them on either side of her head. His trembling grip simply added to the horror of the image, "With little effort, I could smash your skull like a grape. I can lift several tons, Asuka. I can outrun a car. If I wanted to, I could kill anyone…everyone. I am an animal. A monster. I am a dark berserker that pretends to be human for the sake of the people I love. I am _death_."

Her eyes flickered between the dead, snake-like, gaze and the heated anger that characterized their time together. After a moment's hesitation, she lifted her hands up to his and held them gently, "But you won't."

"And you aren't," he pushed as hard as he could against the blocks stopping him from layering that word with certitude.

"…Ich liebe dich wie nichts auf dieser Welt," her hands tightened around his as her pulse rose rapidly. "I-I need help. Frau…Frau Marlowe…."

When she slumped forward, passing out like a puppet with its strings cut, Shinji had to flail to catch her. With his typical grace numbed, he overcorrected, resulting in an unceremonious landing on his back as the stool holding both of them toppled over. The wet thwack of his skin against the tiled floor echoed in the quiet house, though what worried him more was that his passenger might have been harmed.

 _Lover,_ Lily sighed, _that was absolutely graceless._

 _Her waveform is…we need to act._ Rose nodded to herself, _We need to remove this infection before it spreads. It's targeted to him, but that's not how shards work._

"Shinji?" Kodama's voice drew his attention back to the door of the kitchen, "What on Earth are you…what happened?" Dropping to her knees, the nurse took over from the housemate and she began to assess Asuka's vitals, "Did she faint?"

He shook his head, "Get her into a bed, Rose and Lily need to see to her. Something's wrong with her. Move."

+++++ 13th Angel + 3: Wednesday (83)

 _If turning on my emotions will let me fix this,_ Shinji looked between the two women, _then turn them on. If Zeruel attacked right now, we would be down to one extraordinarily damaged pilot. I can barely sense the people in my house, there's no way I'd be able to feel him coming._

Once more in his wheelchair, Shinji sat in his room watching as the woman who declared herself his partner paced back and forth while the woman who called him Lover performed delicate-seeming motions in the head of the only other Eva pilot on the planet currently capable of actually piloting. Hikari sat by his side, unable to see anything but unwilling to let him face whatever it was that he was facing alone.

 _That's not the concern,_ Rose paused in her pacing, looking at him with a grimace. _Turning them back on would cause problems, yes, but in this case turning them back on would reduce your protection against this form of poison. It would be different if you had accepted my anchor, because then I could just come down here and fix her. I'm limited in this form, the projection is capable of a lot but this is far too delicate to risk. It's not like healing your body, or rippling water._

 _I'll give them this, they've taken the ability far beyond what I would consider logical,_ Lily pulled out another small fragment of dimly glowing yellow light, crushing it in her grip. _This is why most of my children don't have what you do, Pet. The ability to misuse another person's grief, their suffering, their hopes or joys or anger, this was a despicable trap that they set. Adam should be ashamed._

 _Adam?_ He tilted his head, _What does he have to do with the Judges or the Scions?_

 _Anymore, all life is descended from either myself, or him,_ Lily looked back with a frown. _I thought you knew that._

 _That's why she and I…fight._ Rose left the understatement to stand on its own, _Even though my kind rejected Adam and the tenets he espoused to serve the Judges and their belief in guided life, we still have the natural distaste for one another that comes from being two forms of oppositional life. I'm working very hard to overcome it,_ [Static] _, and to her credit so is she._

"So the Judges and the Scions are from Adam," Shinji said aloud, looking to his wife. "I guess that explains why I'm sought after by both sides. By all sides…if the Judges rejected Adam's plan." He shook his head, "She'll be fine. Lily says that it will take time, and more than one session to dig everything out. It's not like removing Gentle's shard, this has had time to grow and fester."

"That's…good," Hikari nodded slowly.

"It's better than the alternatives," turning back to watch the ephemeral surgery, he let his mind focus on something else that had been bugging him. It had been delayed long enough, and he needed to know the facts to plan anything, "When were you planning on telling me your intentions for Tsuru-san?" Placing the honorific firmly in the open, he set the table for what followed, "I understand that our courtship was hurried, and the reasons for it were and are good enough for me. I accept your love as what it is, unqualified and totally honest. I told you how I felt about Maya, not because I wanted her more than you, but because I felt compelled to be near her. That, as you know, turned out somewhat prescient in that without my bringing her into my soul she would have eventually sunk into insanity and death as the memories of her previous life overwhelmed her." He could see her stiffening, "You also prodded me to begin to accept Noelle. You've always accepted Kodama's place at my side, even if you didn't like it, because of who and what she is. But it was Noelle that gave me pause."

"You love her," his wife left her defense simple.

"I love many people," he shrugged. "I love Nozomi and Sakura, I don't believe you would push them into this relationship even after they reached the age of maturity. At least, I would hope you don't. I love Misato, you aren't pushing for her. I love Ritsuko, the same story. I have found that inside of me is a great well of love, boundless and terrifying. Many people have their places in that sea…but you are picking specific people." His eyes moved back to her, "You are pushing them desperately into our life." Shinji could feel her song struggling with the decision to be truthful, and for a moment he honestly believed that she would actually tell him the first true lie of their time together. When her eyes closed, he braced himself for the disappointment that would entail.

When she spoke, her voice had matured. The minute changes that Nozomi showed, as opposed to the manic paranoia that Kodama showed, were only a pale glimpse into what happened with the woman he loved more than any on Earth, "You are going to die." Her eyes, once opened, held the world within their multi-hued depths, "Unless I can convince a very select group of women to act in very specific ways, I will lose my entire purpose for living. There are millions of paths forward, and as each is trimmed away by the choices you make another ten terrible versions spring up in its stead. You ask me why I would push Tsuru into your bed?" Leaning forward slightly, she loomed larger than any Angel he'd ever faced, "Because I would rather watch you fuck her every moment of every day for the rest of my life than to never know your touch again. If you loved me a tenth as much as you say you do, you'd smile while doing it."

 _Not…to alarm anyone,_ Rose shifted closer to Shinji, seeking a way to support him, _but her waveform just exploded. I don't know that she understands exactly what she's swinging around here, but I really don't-_

"I am well aware of my potential, Captain," Hikari's eyes landed on Rose. "It was unlocked when my beloved insisted I be treated for a cancer that killed me in each of the timelines my sister witnessed." Pointing to Lily, she settled back into her seat, her point made, "Her children can become…aberrant. Especially since unlike your kind we are not limited to what is 'pre-ordained'. My sisters and I are the beginning, though potentially the strongest for quite some time."

Shinji saw anxiety pounding on the glass wall and wondered if it was even possible to wait out the situation. Deciding that acting was better than inaction, he re-engaged, "You need to stay calm, Light. You're seeing a future right now. We're not there, we're here. I'm sorry for pressing you, I'll try again later when I have control over my emotions back."

Sighing, his life's blood took his hand and smiled sadly, "My love, I know what day it is. You asked an honest question, a question that comes from the good heart I adore so dearly. I simply decided that I should stop hiding my own troubles, though they'll weigh heavily on you now. I can see the potential of the present. It's like a television screen…though at times one with the remote in someone else's hands. My sight is limited, though, and I can only see the…most emotionally resonating ends."

 _Shinji, she's attempting to control the future. That's extremely dangerous, and the Judges aren't known for allowing people to do that._ Rose raked her fingers through her hair, _If she's gained active control over these visions, it's going to become obvious to my allies when things change that shouldn't have._

"It's only dangerous because it goes against their designs," Shinji disagreed. "Because the future is moving beyond their control." He could see the vibrant determination in his wife's eyes, and the death of every single argument he'd attempt. He was brilliant, he knew that now that there was no anxiety crippling him, but she would see each move he made before he made it. Unless the logic was ironclad, and even then only if it was supported by a strong enough emotional buttress to prevent the heart from prevailing over the brain…. "Would you not rather live happily while we could? Must we include others? You know as well as I do that the future is never set, we can find a way to manage without bringing in so many people."

"Give this to me, Shinji," slipping from her own chair and climbing into his lap, she amped up the seduction by orders of magnitude, "and I will give you anything. I will accept Lily's offer of immortality, and dedicate my life to making you proud of me. I will become the leader of billions of souls, I will stand tall atop a mountain of educational victories, I will live up to every ounce of potential I have." Pressing her lips to his, she poured her emotions into his being.

For as dead as his emotions were, he had not lied when he said to Asuka that his lust remained. Now, sitting astride his traitorous flesh, was one of the few true weak spots in his life. She was, and would always remain, everything he ever desired. The rest of his world could burn to ash, and so long as she remained he would fight. There was no escaping that simple fact, and he required no emotions to understand the truth of the matter.

Slipping her head onto his shoulder, she whispered, "Please, my love, do not let stubborn, foolish, pride take away our happiness. You do not have to die to achieve victory. Life can be glorious for us, it just won't be exactly what you believed it to be." With her nose nuzzling the nape of his neck, she purred, "We will have all the time in the world. What do the days matter when we have millennia to grow together?"

The obvious retort was there waiting for him to make it, "Or apart."

"I will never leave you." Sitting back, she looked on him with eyes heavily laden with sorrow, she knew him well enough to know he wasn't speaking of himself drifting, "Bond me. Tie me to your soul, Shinji. You know that Suzuka and Maya will never leave you. You can feel it in your bones. Lash me to you, I give myself _willingly_. You will see in my mind, in my heart, that even death itself will not keep us apart. I am _yours_."

"Let me think about it," he knew he was likely to cave, but didn't want to make a decision with the wrong head. His emotions being numbed aided him in denying the quick victory, but did little to slow his inevitable defeat at the hands of the Armies of Light, "I promise I won't make you wait much longer for an answer." Spying the time, he reprioritized his responsibilities, "Please start dinner. We'll have too many people coming home hungry, and I don't want them to suffer because I'm…whatever I am."

+++++ 13th Angel + 3: Wednesday (83)

"Of course, dear," the Xu matriarch accepted Hikari's request quickly. "Anything we can do to help. Please, keep us informed of Rei's recovery. She is a dear child, and all of us are praying for her." Hanging up her phone, the woman flicked a piece of paper containing the order to one of her staff, "金额加倍. 不接受金钱." The anger that remained in her eyes during her conversation with the young woman she'd tear down the city for was now once more in her tone, "Are we so toothless that our reach is this stifled?"

"As quickly as we dispatch them, 徐夫人, it seems more appear as if from thin air." The man knew he was not delivering good news, and was himself somewhat disappointed in his compatriots abroad, but he felt no fear of a possible reprisal from the lady before him, "We were able to locate several…higher value targets, and they have already been brought low, but it seems this albino bastard is staying well out of sight."

"And the facility you mentioned, this 'breeding ground'?" Suzuka's foot measured a slow tune, an old comforting song playing in her mind, "One hopes that you were able to clean it out."

"Burned to the ground," the man shrugged. "No less than eighty copies of the albino perished, as well as a number of doctors and engineers. We have questioned those we allowed to live, then turned them over to the government forces you designated. That should clip this devil's wings, if he has no other such bodies to possess."

"I want the people responsible for this cowardly assault, and the people that killed dear Sakura's father, dead." Xuefan leaned forward, "I want their homes burned. I want their skulls brought back to me. My son, my dear, dear Shinji, has been harmed, old friend. This will not do."

"At once, 徐夫人," the man recognized his dismissal and left without delay. There were throats needing to be cut around the world, and such things simply didn't happen of their own accord. Standing out of the way as the younger Xu entered the room, he smiled politely and bowed in the manner of his homeland in greeting to his favored student.

"Go slowly, 师傅, the world is becoming less and less safe," Yang returned the gesture, smiling politely.

"With every step I take, my little sun," the man's return smile was cold fire. "Have you given consideration to my idea?"

Raising her eyebrow, she flicked out a punch that he easily caught and held, "He has a lot of light around him already, 师傅, the ladies in his house aren't exactly lacking in brightness."

"He has much darkness to balance out, child," the man became serious. "And all of that light has its own darkness to contend with. You bring much that could tip the balance back to neutral. There is little time left, I feel. Do not let fear of failure doom the fight before you step onto the platform." His friendly demeanor crept back out, "Besides, those hips were made for babies, and little else with how weak your form has been of late." Dodging several blows, he laughed his way out of the room.

"Stop tormenting your elders, child," Xuefan drew her daughter's attention back towards the table. The woman was pretending not to hear the ongoing discussions between several of the diaspora and her only biological child, not wishing to push her in either direction. Given her own whims she would have presented Yang to Shinji with two well-placed ribbons and little else, but she had once had such a mother and did not want to repeat the mistakes of the past.

"Sorry Ma," the formulaic apology was given without much honest feeling behind it. "Was there any word on Rei-chan, Suzuka-san?" Hope would always grow from the eternal optimist, "Or Shinji?"

"You'll have a chance to find out yourself," her mother interrupted. "You're helping take an order to the Ikari Manor, and you're staying there. Sakura Suzuhara is moving in, and will be in mourning for her dearly departed father. Some information has come to light, regarding…the other product of her father's parentage. Pack for a long stay, I will have a note for you to take. Suzuka here will explain anything else to Shinji should he take issue with it."

"Ma," Yang was not unaware of her mother's preferences, and more than one yelling match had ensued over simple questions that had more than one potential meaning behind them. She only managed one word before the 'One More Word' look was rendered, silencing her completely.

"Should you find his bed, I do not care one whit. Should you not find his bed, that is your decision and I will respect it. We are sending you as Family, as Shinji may soon adopt Sakura Suzuhara into his family. This is an official task, child, but you will be expected to act unofficially." Her tone firmed, "Your father and I trust you, Yang. You need to trust Shinji, and you need to trust yourself. Now go," she waved her off, "get packed."

"How many days?" She understood arguing would get her nowhere, but she didn't want to pack for two days and be there for ten. "What about my shifts here at the restaurant? I need to stay on course or my college budget is going to suffer."

"We will cover the missing funds, as this is an official assignment," Suzuka stated, to help keep things from becoming too unmanageable. "Your shifts will be covered by your cousin, and you will be staying with us for the foreseeable future. I would recommend you pack enough for a week, as we have enough laundry machines to serve two families in the basement. Should you desire to bring more, that is your decision. Do not bring less."

Yang's mouth opened, a hundred questions leaping to mind, but snapped closed again when she realized neither of the women at the table was prone to answering such queries. "I'll need an hour," she sighed, accepting her fate. "If I'm going to be hanging out with them, I need to at least put my best foot forward." Turning to depart, she saw her cousin entering the room. "Sorry, Jiaxin," she shrugged, "I guess you're working my shifts for a while."

"I volunteered," the taller waitress stated evenly. "Xu'an never gets the orders right, and Feng would break at least half the trays over people's heads." Taking light hold of her cousins arm, she lowered her voice, "Stay safe…. Until you apologize to me, you don't get to allow yourself to be hurt."

The leggy waitress frowned, then rolled her eyes, "Are we still arguing over that? It was four years ago, and we both got played." Freeing her arm, she gestured back into the main seating area, "If it makes you feel any better, the day of our third date was when I saw him flirting with you. I had meant to nail him with the bowl, not you."

"He was my first boyfriend, Yang," the elder of the two dropped her hands to her hips. "He was a year older than me, you shouldn't have even considered dating him. You got your reputation because you were aiming far above where you should have been. I've spent four years fighting people over that, and not once have you thanked me. Not once have you apologized. Not once."

"Well you won't have to worry about me being hurt," Yang snorted. "I'll be at Shinji's. If there's a safer place on the planet, I doubt I know where it is." Turning to leave, she waved over her shoulder, "Now I need to hurry, or Ma will send me there naked and trussed up with seaweed."

+++++ 13th Angel + 3: Wednesday (83)

"No reaction," Ritsuko groaned. "She may as well be seaweed for all the effect it's having." Sitting back in her chair, she rubbed the heels of her hands against her eyes, "Why is it that the exact formulation we used on Shinji caused him to swell up into a primal sex god, but we use it on Rei and her Oh-two levels drop a percentage?"

"It might be as simple as us starting with a human in one case, and a human-Angel hybrid in the other," Maya shrugged, not wanting to get into the specifics with a woman that still wasn't fully trusted. "We aren't receiving any markers that she's even truly alive. Her brain activity is flat, the markers we use to connect her to the test plugs aren't present, nothing." Shaking her head, she tapped a few keys, "We've never had the opportunity to study this kind of infection. The closest we had was the rogue clone, and she reverted to LCL after a few hours. This has been days."

"Is it an infection?" The doctor let her head loll over to consider the one person she was beginning to truly consider a peer, "Yes, she was touched by the Angel. But we can't find any residue or traces of it now. I saw what you saw, nothing was where it should have been. Now? Perfectly proportioned. This just doesn't make sense, Maya." Kicking her desk, she growled, "Damn it, I wish I had Shinji here."

Maya blinked, looking over, "I'm sorry?"

"I…I want his song," the demi-blonde admitted quietly. "The one that tells me that I'm not the world's greatest failure. That tells me I'm worth something. That doesn't belittle me, or tell me that 'nobody's perfect', it just…it lets me know that it's ok. That…."

"That you're loved," she nodded. "I guess positive reinforcement's in short supply right now."

"I'm sorry, Maya, I shouldn't be asking for your husband," standing up, the far healthier appearing scientist inclined her head in a show of contrition. "I've been beating my head against this problem for three days with sweet fuck all to show for it. Your household is dealing with twelve different problems, and you've not been with either of the people you love for just as long. I didn't used to be so…."

"Human?" Maya looked back up to Rei's body, "It's a good look on you, Ritsuko. I'd recommend you consider buying it rather than renting."

"You, young miss, have been spending far too much time around Misato," Ritsuko's laugh was rueful. "You're growing old before your time."

"The weight of three thousand lives will do that, I hear." Running her hand along the smooth surface of the L-Nine tank, she let her mouth run away with her mind, "Shinji is probably somewhere between thirty and forty now, for all of the weight he's carrying. Neither of us is as well as we're pretending to be."

"Nevada wasn't your fault," cautiously approaching her superior, she laid one hand on her shoulder. "I don't need a shining golden tune to tell you that, Maya. I saw the records, I saw your conclusions, the calculations. I'd say I trained you well, but you are brilliant in your own right. Many of the models you projected show exactly what happened down to the expected decay rate. Your projections allowed me to convince Kozo to push for a complete shutdown of testing globally! Nevada went against sane scientific processes and paid the price for their hubris. But your admonitions likely saved millions of lives, not to mention giving us the final nails needed to mothball the Mass Production lines." Leaning down to move into the smaller woman's line of sight, she poked at a button she had no idea was there, "Even if you went back in time, travelled back to the same point, what else could you do, Maya? Honestly, what else could be done? Not even Kozo has the authority to shut down another facility's testing. You could fly out there in person and demand they stop, and they'd just ignore you. You'd be one more casualty, and we'd be that much more fucked when the Angels came."

"Do you honestly believe that?" Frowning, the Lieutenant Colonel turned to look at her former senpai, "Am I really that…that powerless?"

"The Base Commander personally restarted the testing according to the backups in Colorado," Ritsuko nodded. "Even with Gendo still as our Commander, nothing could have been done differently. We just don't know enough about the Evas to draw the right conclusions, and with the threat of global annihilation looming over us it doesn't take much to approve dangerous testing. I could come up with a solid plan for a singularity drive in the next ten minutes, argue that it would eliminate another Angel like the Twelfth, and I could get any number of idiots to hack off on testing it."

"Because tearing a hole in the universe is ever a good idea," Maya laughed, imagining the eager look on a politician's face when they saw the potential to travel instantly to other worlds. "Never mind that testing it any closer than the orbit of Pluto would mean risking destroying _a_ planet, let alone _our_ planet." Her laughter died slowly, "I…I couldn't stop them. They had that drive in their hands, and they didn't listen to sound, reasoned, mathematically proven, science."

"And that's terrible," taking a risk, she pulled the smaller woman into a hug. "It's absolutely terrible that they didn't listen to one of the smartest women I've ever known." When Maya twitched, she worried that the risk she'd taken had backfired. The sob that followed, and the weak grip she felt around her back soon put the lie to that. "The weight of idiots not listening to the truth is a terrible burden to shoulder, Maya Ikari." Soothing her hand over her hair, she smiled as the feeling she'd been wanting Shinji to give her via song suddenly swelled to life inside of her all on its own, "It's a good thing you don't have to shoulder that burden alone."

+++++ Author's Notes:

JaceSterne:

RE: Kelly.

It's a decision to be made, for certain. But she'll likely wait until she's not under the influence of serious narcotics to make it. Legally, they wouldn't allow her to sign the papers until then, at least.

RE: Idunn and Rei.

That is an interesting series of theories. Unfortunately, any answer I give either way is likely a spoiler.

Starfire99:

RE: Clarity and detail.

I'm afraid that's something of a feature rather than a bug. I leave things unclear specifically so that the audience has room to interpret what I write a number of ways. Often what I intend is eventually spelled out much later in the story. Mainly as I subscribe to the 'My Readers Are Geniuses' theory of writing.

\- Adam was pissed about Lily bringing Rose into Shinji's soul. Shinji can bring people in using Lily's power, and so Lily can use her own power to bring people in as she will. Rose, being a rebellious Adamite, isn't on his preferred guest list. Specifically because….

\- Rose noticed that Adam was using the voodoo that he do so well to manipulate Shinji's emotions.

\- Adam, as noted in this chapter, wanted Shinji to reset everything so that the natural order could be restored.

RE: Rei being alive.

Ritsuko noticed, but she was busy trying to be a medical professional and didn't let anyone else know because very few people were cleared for the knowledge. Also, she was busy. If you re-read the section, Ritsuko is surprised it had been around two days. Cerebral Hypoxia sets in starting at around five minutes, and it was _much_ longer than that before her S^2 organ pulled a Mötley Crüe and her limbs reverted to non-Slenderman proportions. With everything that happened between Shinji leaving the scene post-mortem and Maya heading up to the Tower to be with her family, at least several hours had passed.

Also, the difference between your definition of 'still alive' and Rei's current status is the subject of several ongoing debates between the legal, clinical, religious, and social spheres. She's drawing in oxygen, her heart's beating. She's not responding to stimulus, she's not showing signs of brain activity, there's nothing to differentiate her from any of the clones that were laying in the Reiquarium. Some would agree, she's alive. Others would say that she's dead and gone, and only stubborn organic programming is keeping her body animate. It is as philosophical as it is aggravating, as the 'right answer' is so very unclear.

RE: Passage of time being unclear.

This too is somewhat intentional. Shinji's days blur together in his mind, as he no longer sleeps. He often doesn't realize what time it is when he does things, as he can see in the dark the standard clues don't really register with him. The people around him come and go, living human lives, while he frets and worries. He lives by a series of alarms on his clock, setting him to acting as he ought to, but the time of day stopped mattering in any way but another obligation to be met. It's a mean, painful existence. I never really enjoyed it, personally.

origamishishou:

RE: Hope.

Hope Corgi is canon in my house. DC can't take them away from me.

RE: Bardiel.

She has her part to play. The instruments she earns.

RE: Leliel.

Yeah, that's pretty close actually. Also, an adorable one-shot.

SK: RE: Joy, relief, and investments.

Careful with your alarm. You might wake Nozomi up. I'm glad you're invested in their tale, just remember the future is always in flux. At least, if Nozomi lets it be that way.


	97. Chapter 97

+++++ 13th Angel + 3: Wednesday (83)

Shinji could feel Asuka's song begin as her consciousness returned, the odd duality no longer as pronounced but still very present. With Lily and Rose cautiously watching, he mentally prepared himself to deal with any number of reactions Asuka might have had to him being in a darkened room, seemingly alone, with her unconscious form. Anyone would rightly be concerned to find that they were being observed as they slept, though hopefully she wouldn't be as upset as she'd collapsed in his home and not her own.

Drawing in the first deep breath of wakefulness, she rubbed her eyes, "Nicht das schon wieder…Wo zum Teufel bin ich?"

He had forgotten that only he could see in the dark, and responded as softly as he could manage, "Du bist sicher. In meinem Bett."

Grasping at the sheet she'd been covered with, she gasped, "Was- Oh, Shinji," relieved laughter accompanied his name, "yes. Yes, I am safe." Steadying her breathing, she sat up, "Have you been watching over me…how long was I out? I…I don't remember…when did we…?"

"You collapsed in the kitchen an hour and a half ago," answering her first question he tried to place the rest of her second. "Fortunately I was able to catch you, and you didn't really hit much except me. I'm not much softer than marble flooring though, I hear."

Fond laughter bubbled from her, "You sound like Rei, but you still manage to make jokes. Never change, mein Freund." Feeling along her body, she determined that everything was still mostly in place, "Well…that's not a surprise."

"Once Kodama made sure you were breathing, she straightened your dress and covered you over," he gestured to the bed. "I didn't think you'd react well to having someone you only kind of know change you out of your dress and put you in something of mine, but if you want I'd be happy to keep some of your clothes here. Maya told me that fainting spells were common with you, that you pushed yourself to exhaustion. It would be a shame to ruin such a lovely dress."

Her eyebrow arched, though the pleased grin she had wasn't as hidden as she thought it was in the dark of the room, "I'm not sure your wives, and that's a term I'm still getting used to using, would appreciate a strange woman's clothes in your house."

"Our house contains nothing but strange people, Häschen," sliding off his seat, he dropped to his knees and pushed himself closer. "Are you ok? We were talking about some very heavy topics. None of that could have been easy on you, and although you're one of the toughest women I know, you're still _human_."

"I…." She tilted her head, her eyes gazing off into the distance, "I don't remember…." Shaking her head, she reached out and grabbed his hand, "I'm sorry, Mausebärchen, I remember starting the coffee. Then…." Pulling herself over, she moved to shelter under his arm, "You picked me up. Yes." Nodding she rested her head against his chest, "I remember thinking I was safe, that you'd never… _Klaus_."

"May he suffer eternally for what he did to you," the extent of what Shinji believed happened based on listening to his two extraplanetary guests went far beyond what he would tell Asuka that night. If he could give voice to the rage battering at the wall between his emotions and his mind she'd know how he felt without any question.

"He's dead," Asuka shrugged. "I don't care where he went after that, he's not here anymore." Looking sidelong up at him, she toyed with his hand, "You know…you aren't as big of a monster as you say you are."

"We'll agree to disagree," the logic was sound, and at that moment was all he had to go by. "How are you feeling? Maya told me that I should make sure you aren't light-headed or cold, as both would be bad signs and require more immediate medical care."

"I'm warmer," her voice lowered to a whisper, "having my friend hold me." He couldn't see her smile grow as he shifted his left hand slowly over to join his right, encircling her in the world's numbest hug. "Can…I admit something? Without you taking it the wrong way, I mean."

"I can't guarantee I won't misunderstand," he rumbled, "I'm very good at doing that. But I'll ask if I'm confused, and I will always listen to your explanation. I know that I am terrible at communication at times, and need several tries before I make sense to anyone else. I won't be a hypocrite and not afford someone I love the same opportunity."

"I…." He felt her song begin fighting with itself, "I don't…."

Rose appeared before him, displaying the now-familiar graph, _Careful, Shinji, her waveform's going odd again._

"Take your time," he urged her. "I'm listening."

She clutched him closer, "I don't want to go home." With the taboo broken, the rest of the thought followed chaotically, "She's there. She's judging me. I never get any sleep. Everything I do is analyzed. I work. I sleep. I eat. Every choice I make. She's the reason I didn't come over. I don't know how to approach you. She tells me you just want in my body. My thesis paper has been done for a month. I know you have better control than that." Looking up at him, she turned around and moved astride his legs, pushing him back down against the ground. With her hands braced on his chest, she looked down at him with genuine fear, "I'd be the weak link. I want you. Not need, _want_. I want one person to hold me like I matter. To show me what love is. Not compassion, not sympathy, _love_. She tells me you want to put an abomination in me. Little…little dolls that pretend to be human, that take and take and take but never give. She laughed at me. She told me that I wasn't real. That I was just a doll. I'm real, Shinji," collapsing atop him, she pressed herself against his chest, "see?"

 _She's sixteen years old. When did everyone forget that we were just teens?_ "I know you are, Häschen." Swinging one hand up, he set it atop her back, "You're as real as I am." Clenching and unclenching his fingers, he hoped that he wasn't making terrible marks on her back, "I do love you. I know I sound like a speaking calculator right now, but I promise that buried under thirty kilograms of cotton wool is love."

Whispering furtively, she squirmed up so that her face was next to his, "She's yelling at me."

 _Rose? Lily? Anything?_ "Who's yelling at you?"

 _It's not the shard,_ Lily frowned. _That's not how those things work. It'd be pushing her to mate with you. To smear her emotions all over you. That way the poison would spread, and you'd begin to lose control yourself._

Rose nodded, _Remember how Gentle tried to push you away from everyone? Doubt everyone? Each emotional shard has a purpose that defines it. This one was primed to pair itself with you and key you to unthinking paranoia and lust. The more you two mated, the deeper both of you would be in the grips of madness. Eventually sex would be the only way you'd stop feeling like everything was wrong._

He'd not received an answer from the trembling redhead, and so he slid his hand up to her hair and scratched at her for attention, "Asuka? Who's yelling at you?"

"She wants me to kill you." The moisture of tears striking his cheek accompanied the pained cry, "She says I don't need anyone but her. That you're using me. That you don't love me. That you _can't_ love me. That we just met two months ago. Shinji, she's not letting me hang up the phone!"

He blinked in confusion, _Not hang…what phone?_ "Asuka, let me help. Relax, lay down against me, and trust me."

"She says you want to change me," her arms wrapped around his neck, "that you hate me. You don't hate me, though. You wouldn't lie to me. You're not like everyone else, right?"

 _Shamshel, help._ "I'm going to make it better, Asuka. I'm sorry I didn't know that you were suffering this much." As the Aspect of Daytime shimmered into view, he looked to Lily, _I don't need to feel for this to work, right?_

 _It's going to make you extremely tired._ The Night Mother shook her head, _But I'll do what I can while you two sleep._

Rose tossed away whatever she'd been using to track changes in Asuka, _I'll go inform Suzuka. She'll keep people from interfering._ Walking through the door without opening it, she vanished from sight.

As Shamshel rang out with Shinji's Song of Hope, he felt the world fade away to nothingness. He'd done what he could, and had to leave the rest to the people around him.

+++++ 13th Angel + 3: Wednesday (83)

 _Of course._ The willowy warrior placed herself before Shinji's door, sitting primly and beginning her night's work on her trusty companion. _I presume that once Maya-dono returns home I will be allowed to let her in the room? She, of any of us, would know best how to help both of them._

 _So long as she doesn't interfere with Lily,_ Rose shrugged. _Removing this shard is only going to help everyone, so I don't know that it's a great idea to interrupt the surgeon during the surgery. She agrees to that, I see no reason to not allow her to see her husband._

Kodama dropped to one knee next to the eternal woman, "I'm guessing you're the 'keep out' sign?"

"The redheaded chit is being tended to by one of our guests," Suzuka stated in a voice that carried no further than the other woman's ears. "Our favored is asleep, having used a significant amount of energy to summon the spirit that calmed everyone. All will be well," she smiled warmly, "or we will be less two guests in short order."

 _Message received,_ Rose rolled her eyes. _You know, it's not just you humans that have a keen interest in his well-being. I've basically forsworn my allegiances for him._ Strolling back into the room through the wall, she grumbled about the lack of gratitude from so many of the others in the house.

"I'll do what I can to keep everyone away, then," Kodama stood up and sighed. "I knew it wasn't going to be easy loving him as I do. Why can't he just be a normal guy, huh?"

"Were he normal, would we love him?" Suzuka kept her eyes on her sword, "Is it not the very nature of his abnormality that draws us in? His ability to love without leaving his decisions to his desires? Tell me true," applying a light coat of polish, she smiled, "had he jumped on your first attempted seduction, would you _truly_ love him?"

The busty nurse shrugged, "I've seen too many pasts with he and I together to know for sure, Suzuka-san. Worlds beyond counting where we fought, loved, struggled, and died. The past where he comes from…I kept being distracted from coming over and doing a 'big sister' check. I was younger, less sure of myself…." Shrugging, she turned to walk away, "He's who he is, it doesn't stop me from wishing that his life was easier so that I could spend more time showing him how much I love him."

The motions of polishing her blade were their own form of meditation, allowing her to give her mind time to roam the room while her body's natural restlessness was given relief. Each imperfection was worried away on the wood as it was in herself, leaving nothing but gleaming beauty on one and focused purpose in the other. An added benefit for both was that people tended to believe them each ornamental until it was far too late. A childish glee for a dignified warrior, but she accepted who she was for the most part.

"It's no big deal, Hikari-chan," Yang hefted two baskets of laundry on her shoulders, helping the Lady of the House carry them towards the children's room. "These are light compared to some of the orders out of the kitchen. Let me tell you, the local soldiers can really pack away the food." Rotating her body to move around Suzuka, she never lost her poise, "Almost thought I had caught one of their eyes, turned out he was just remembering his sister though."

"Oh?" Hikari's lone basket wasn't nearly as heavy as either of the leggy waitress', "Was he cute enough to consider?"

"Oh mercy no," she stifled her laugh, unaware of the soundproofing. "Like a slightly older Yamazaki-kun, all muscles and nothing upstairs. Besides," she leaned in, "I've sworn off older men. The first time I got burned was the last time I'll be burned. Stick with my own age give or take half a year until at least after college, if not a decade after."

"I can't see you not having a lot of offers," the freckle-faced beauty smiled charmingly. "With your wit and charm, and those lovely legs? You'll have suitors aplenty, I'm positive."

Both women fell silent as they moved into the Lair of the Little Ones, adopting the hush that both instinctively possessed as elder sisters, if not biologically on Yang's part. Suzuka's mouth frowned slightly, concerned about Hikari's plans for Yang. The young woman wasn't unpleasant, nor was she a burden on the household, but her sense of justice and the strictures she held herself to could become something of an issue if she felt people weren't being treated equitably. "To say nothing of Shinji's feelings regarding the matter," she snorted.

"Are you certain I'm not bothering you, Horaki-san?" Tsuru had arrived not long after she herself had, with her bags packed for a lengthy stay. Unlike Yang, Suzuka knew exactly where Hikari intended the future chemist to fit in. "I know how important it can be to rest on your nights off, and you work very hard."

"Tsuru-chan," Kodama's voice was the 'irritated older sister' that meant she was close to upbraiding someone for not listening, "my name is Kodama. I've asked you twice now to use it, the third time I'm forced to remind you will involve you going over my knee." Sitting on the couch, she was close enough to be friendly but not so close as to send the wrong message, it was obvious the eldest Horaki planned to force the younger woman to prove herself, "I'm fine answering your questions on this. I studied hard for the tests to get into Nursing School, and you're on the right path. We're going to get you there, because you're a friend of the family. Now, this problem requires…."

The missing residents naturally followed in Suzuka's mind, the elder wife and the absent pilot. Maya was overdue, but with the responsibilities of command upon her shoulders it wasn't a source of concern. The entirety of NERV understood what Shinji would do should harm befall her, and her own legion of admirers would follow his banner to war eagerly in the darkest case. She admired the woman's attitude, and the way she had refused at first to 'barge in'. The restraint, the intellect, and those eyes. A small smile curved her lips, as an idle fancy of seeing those eyes staring up at her while the waifish scientist was engaged in….

Coughing, she chastised herself for becoming distracted and nearly missing the approach of the two teens on their return from the young one's room. All three baskets were stacked neatly, inverted, around Yang's head, the energetic young woman pretending to be a robot to the amusement of her classmate.

Affecting a staccato monotone, she hopped down the hall with stiff joints, "We have come for your terrible sense of fashion. Take us to your apparel stores, we desire to burn them to the ground for crimes against galactic life."

"She's probably not the one who picked out her clothes," Hikari protested, giggling. "But I agree, it's obvious that poor Sakura-chan didn't have a woman in her life."

"Well, now she has at least a dozen," once more spinning around Suzuka without looking, displaying a natural awareness of the world around her, she held her thumbs up. "We will get her through this. Just like we will get you through this. Just like we will get Shinji through this. Shirakami or just classmates, I'm here to help."

Slipping under the basket, Hikari hugged Yang from behind and set them both to bouncing through the front room with a laugh, "And we love you for it, Yang." Reaching the stairs, both girls tossed the buckets down to clatter along the floor while they laughed with the kind of good humor that marked the beginnings of a recovery that had been aided by Shamshel's burst of joy, chasing the baskets down on silent feet.

"My sister is a massive dork," Kodama snorted. "Ok, here you see the formula you used? There's a way to simplify it. Some of what they taught you was to get you used to thinking through each step of the math, but in practice steps two and four are where you can-" She noticed the same thing Suzuka did as the door opened, admitting a tired and drawn Maya. Her eyes flicked towards Suzuka in question, accepting her answer as the willowy swordswoman waved her off.

Tuning the now-tutor out, she chose mental communication to avoid others overhearing, _Welcome home, Maya-dono. I regret to inform you that we have company._ Floating over to the shorter woman, she left her sword and associated materials behind. _It does not look as if the day was fruitful, though I hope you understand we know you spared no efforts._

Looking at the couch, and hearing Hikari speaking downstairs, she shook her head, _So who's with Shinji? I get the feeling you weren't guarding his door for fun._ When her bag was taken from her, she blinked, looking up into a kindly smile, _Oh…uhm, thank you._

 _Come, sit down with me and we'll speak of what you have missed._ Guiding the scientist over to the door, she used a gentle touch to avoid overwhelming her, _I understand that you are partial to foot rubs? It may be immodest, but I have a great deal of practice with the art. Perhaps I could interest you in one while we speak?_

+++++ 13th Angel + 3: Wednesday (83)

"They've recovered the body," General Benoit dropped the folder on Kozo's desk by way of greeting. "At least, most of it."

Eyeing the stack of papers interspersed with photographs, the old professor worked his tongue around his teeth as he debated whether to start drinking now or wait until after he'd opened what would likely be something he never wanted to see. "Whisky, vodka, or rum?"

"It was Perfume. I would presume you should start with whatever is most likely to allow you to not remember the specifics of the next few hours," Philip dropped into a nearby chair. "As for myself? Whisky, if you would be so kind."

"Whisky it is," the Commander of NERV Tokyo-3 turned to his nearby cabinet, retrieving the bottle and two glasses. "Will they be able to repatriate my employee, or are they declaring him evidence. I would like to give Shinji's family help in granting Miss Suzuhara closure." Pouring for his guest first, he set the heavy glass before him, "Though I understand that legality comes before morality in this. We must apprehend this monster."

"Kill, not apprehend," hoisting the glass in thanks, the elderly officer sat back. "The orders have changed. Detention is not to be attempted even if the suspect appears to surrender, his body count is too prolific, his crimes too horrific. The Secretary General themselves have signed off on the order. Any units that come across someone matching that description are to identify and eliminate them."

"…So much for the ideals of justice," Kozo frowned. "Does this not fly directly in the face of not only the Valentine's Treaty but the entire UNIGC charter?" Taking a fortifying drink, he flipped open the folder and winced at the first picture he came across, "Find peace in knowing your daughter is cared for, good sir…."

Philip's eyes were mostly devoid of emotion as he considered his glass, "The exception to both the Treaty and the charter were approved with only two dissenting votes. Those nations have now found themselves receiving a great deal of attention from both the UNIGC and the Secretary General's staff." A long drink led to a nod of approval, "Merci."

"De rien," the old professor noted enough of the same details as the report. "This Perfume, he's not sadistic. This is intentional, provocational." Flipping to the next page, he shook his head in disgust, "He wants people to be angered."

"Person, not people. I would bet that his intent is to incite Shinji to action. Everything we've seen has been for an audience that isn't truly aware of the man's crimes." Rolling his fingers towards the back half of the report, he snorted, "Not that I would ever endorse showing Shinji this. My recommendations are there in the appendix with everything else. Tell him that Mister Suzuhara was murdered to provoke his son to acting without regard for others, approve his taking over care and custody of Miss Suzuhara, grant la jeune fille both pension and gratuity held in trust by Shinji until she graduates High School, and give her father the appropriate rites for her faith. As for her brother's corpse, that remains your decision as the punishment was carried out under your name."

Finishing his first glass quickly, Kozo felt an old anger twitch within him. He'd once served time as an unlicensed doctor in Aichi to make up for the lack of any qualified medical staff, most of his patients there were the young orphans of those who didn't survive the aftermath of Second Impact and the madness that followed. Too many of those children had been traumatized by the living, and here again was another such example. "Shinji will be what she needs," he stated coldly. "If there is any good in this world, may it continue to spring from his heart."

Snorting a laugh, Philip hoisted his glass, "Courte priére pénètre les cieux." Knocking back the last of the drink, he set it down and reached for the bottle, "I do not look forward to the day he cannot save us from ourselves."

+++++ 13th Angel + 4: Thursday (84)

Shinji slowly came to, pulled from true unconsciousness by the cacophony of voices around him. The strange feeling of the air about him placed him in the realm of the Aspects, and the lack of light to see by further set his location as within Leliel's Domain. The odd numbness had receded enough that he could feel two sets of hands, and a great deal of hair.

"He's awake," a voice he couldn't quite place sounded from his right. "Great One? Great One, can you hear me?"

"Hngh," trying to move his right hand to his face to bat away some of the hairs that were around his mouth, he brushed up against something cold and soft, "hmm?"

"Bardiel," the second voice was easily determined to be the host of his current resting place, "I think some of your hair is on his mouth." The ostensibly teenaged Aspect smoothed her hands over his face, the warmth of her touch soaking into his skin, "There we go. I'm sorry, Shinji, you landed unexpectedly next to me. Ireul is busy making sure that _he_ doesn't get any ideas while, uh, well if you call her 'Lily' then I will too, Lily is off fixing that weirdo with the red hair, so I asked Bardiel to come help me move you into bed."

"That explains why it's dark," taking a deep breath, he found his hands listened more appropriately to his commands. Lifting his left hand up, he guessed as to the location of Leliel's leg, striking cloth and gripping gently, "Thank you. I called Shamshel out, but I don't think I had enough power to really do much. Can you tell if it's working?"

"The stricken child is asleep, Great One." Bardiel's voice drifted over him, his right hand suddenly full of cool flesh. "The Hated Mother works to free her of the dark influences."

"Lily," Shinji corrected tonelessly. "Or Nyx. We're all working together, Bardiel, let's not leave room for misunderstanding." Sitting up carefully, he was surprised at the amount of energy it took for him to do even something that simple.

"You forgive her, right?" Leliel shifted to sit behind him, hugging him from the side and between her legs, "You weren't in your right mind when you lost your friend. There's no reason to blame her for something that she didn't know she was doing."

"I swear to serve you faithfully," the sensation of millions of strands of hair moving along his body accompanied the soft-spoken woman beside him. "I truly believed I was under attack, Great One. Imprisoned, forced to remain in the cage at Tabris' demand."

"Tabris," he stopped her with another light touch. "Who is Tabris?"

Two small hands took his, then clutched it to a stomach as cold as the earth itself, "He is an Angel, trapped in a mortal shell. Far more evil than I first believed, the things I witnessed, Great One, are not easily spoken of. Please, understand that I did not know of your offer. Of the peace you've provided here."

His energy began to flee him again rapidly, the conversation not really making much sense to him, the combination of fatigue and confusion causing him to flop back onto the bed. He could feel Leliel clinging to his side, his hand now atop her hip, "It's…it's not anyone's fault." The inability to lie meant he had to think through his words very carefully, "Neither of you knew what to think. Neither of you understood us as anything but a threat, and any living being responds poorly to being threatened."

Squirming under his arm, and subtly placing his hand on her rump, the Aspect of Night smiled in the darkness, "Soak in the power here, Shinji. You're tired. Both Bardiel and I can help you, if you'll allow us."

"That…would be nice," he yawned. "I'm sorry, I'm not disinterested in speaking to either of you…I just…am worn out." His right arm moved, carried by what he pondered might be hair, and suddenly he had a pleasantly cool companion opposite Bardiel's warmth, "I'm…." Another larger yawn, "I'm grateful for your help." Drifting off again, he felt two sets of lips touch his neck before darkness claimed him again.

+++++ 13th Angel + 4: Thursday (84)

Asuka's rise to wakefulness was both sudden and terrifying. Lying beneath her was a half-naked married man, his right hand cradling her shoulders, his left her waist. If the window to the outside was any indication, the sun was just touching the horizon. This meant that not only had she spent the night in his house, she'd done so in his room atop him with her dress hiked up. "Scheiße, Scheiße, _SCHEISSE_." Not wanting to harm him, she tried to work her hands behind her to prize his grip free.

"Careful," Maya whispered, coming back into the room from the bathroom. "You'll hurt yourself."

"I…Scheiße." Closing her eyes, she let her head go limp against his chest, "I swear, I didn't mean to sleep on top of your husband. If you'll let me-"

"Pilot Soryu, shut up. That's an order," the Lieutenant Colonel was exceptionally tired, but she also understood all too well the grip of madness and how it effected even the strongest minds. "Lay still, and I'll have you free in a second." Using her knowledge of anatomy to overcome the strength disparity between her and her husband, she poked, plucked, and prodded until the redhead was free to move. "In the bathroom. Move." Ushering the firebrand into the sound-shielded chamber, she pushed her in and closed the door behind them, "One, Shinji protected you from yourself. Two, if I even thought about punishing you for his decision I'd never be wearing these," she showed her rings purposefully. "Three, fix your makeup. You look frightful, and I doubt you want anyone seeing you like that."

"You're…taking this rather well," Asuka backed up until she could sneak a peek in the mirror.

"If my husband wanted to have sex with someone else, he wouldn't have to go incredibly far to find people willing. If I allowed paranoia to run my marriage, I would never have been the woman he chose. He has his reasons for what he did, and I'll hear them when he wakes up." Clasping her hands before her, she pushed the conversation towards those signs that would indicate success on Lily's part, "What progress do you think you've made on your thesis? We could use the good PR from a successful Doctorate challenge."

"Oh you know how…it…." Frowning, she scrubbed at her face with the makeup cleaner, "I actually think I'm done." Rubbing more gently to clean away the last traces, she looked back, "I don't remember finishing, but I don't think I can add much more. Did I finish last night?"

 _Score one point for improvement._ Maya shrugged, "Only you'd know, you haven't let me look. Though I'd be glad to, there's nothing wrong with peer review of your research, it can only help. I wouldn't charge you anything either. Maybe that's why you came over. You finished, and you wanted to celebrate with your friend. Or…friends?"

"I don't have any idea why I came over," the redhead frowned in thought. "I know I've been wanting to. Shinji's asked me repeatedly, but I…haven't." With her face free of paint, she began to wash with the pore cleanser, "I should, though. He needs support." Her head spun quickly to face Maya, "Not that his family isn't supporting him."

"I understand your intent, Asuka," _Second point._ "You're one of two Pilots now. That's a very exclusive brotherhood, and it makes sense for the two of you to develop bonds." Slowly approaching, she held her hand out, "You've missed a spot. May I?"

"Hmm? Oh," she handed over the cloth, "uh…sure."

With practiced ease, she faked worrying over a specific patch, "To be honest, I'm glad my husband and you get along. He's never been one to go out of his way to bother anyone, but when he began to push for including you and Rei-chan in things I took it as a good sign that he was making progress in breaking free from his social anxiety. Someone like you can only help that, exposing him to higher levels of energy. Now that we've lost Rei-chan…we need to protect those bonds that remain."

"Is she actually…I had heard she was in a coma," a note of concern had drifted into her tone. "We haven't given up, right?"

"I don't give up on the people who fight for me, Asuka," _It's actually working. I can't believe it._ "I know you fight for yourself, but I'm benefiting immensely by having a husband still breathing for your efforts. If that means from time to time you collapse on his chest and end up crying for whatever reason, then I'll accept it as a cost well paid." Stepping back, she offered the cloth again, "Whatever mascara you use doesn't seem to come out easily. Waterproof?"

"All of my makeup is," she shrugged, curling up the right side of her mouth. "It rained all the time in Germany, and here it's so humid." The lack of yelling was doing wonders for her fear that she was about to have a reputation, and so she took a risk, "I…don't remember what we spoke about last night, at least…not all of it."

"A fainting spell," Maya nodded with understanding. "That's ok. You're taking your medications according to your bloodwork, so we're still working on fixing that."

"Well, yeah. I…I told him." Her jaw worked, "I know I wasn't supposed to, but this is _Shinji_. He'd never tell anyone anything. But I remember him talking about guilt, and…that other redheaded lady dying. I…I think I wanted to tell him because I wanted him to understand that I understood…about being numb. About hating yourself. He doesn't deserve that. And…I trust him."

"If it was your decision, I'll support you with the Sub-Commander," forcing a smile through her fatigue, she began to feel the good beating its way through the wall of bad they'd been hit with. "I agree. Shinji would never tell anyone your secrets, and if having him know is going to help you, then I'm a proponent of that. Him helping you, helps you help him, which in the end helps me." Picking up the shirt she'd put aside, she offered it, "It's a chilly morning out. Shinji wouldn't want you to catch cold. He doesn't fit in it anymore, and it never hurts to have something of a close friend's around, right?"

"His…t-shirt," she looked between the cloth and the woman offering it, "that's-"

"A peace offering," Maya urged her to take it. "You're his friend, Asuka. I'd like you to be _our_ friend. I'd like to know that you trusted his wives enough to not freak out when you have a bad night and need the comfort of the only other person to experience combat like you, holding you. No strings, I promise."

Reaching for the shirt like it was aflame, she closed her eyes and forced herself to take it firmly. Flicking it out and shoving her head through the hole, she snorted, "I'm sorry. I'm acting like I'm ten." Tying the bottom off around her waist so that it didn't cover over that she was wearing a dress, she looked at herself in the mirror, "He is enormous."

"He's a big Pup," the elder woman gently laid her hand on Asuka's shoulder as a final test. "You give him pets, you tell him he's a good boy, and he'll keep the nasty things away that just want to take from you." The lack of reaction to the touch was cause for celebration in her mind, and she patted the younger woman gently, "He likes having his hair combed. Keep one on you when you take him on that date, and if he starts becoming anxious, sit him down somewhere and use it. He'll settle, and it'll stop you from having to cut everything short."

"…Yeah. Friends do that, right?" Asuka looked over and nodded with her eyes slightly narrowed, "He does act a bit like a girl sometimes, but it's not anything bad. He's just not macho. He's just Shinji." Smiling as the idea grew on her, she tilted her head towards the house, "But I'm going to head out before he wakes up. I'm hungry, and I've already imposed far too much. Please tell him…tell him that I had a good night's rest."

"I'll tell him you love him," Maya read the subtext easily. "And there's nothing wrong with loving your friends."

+++++ 13th Angel + 4: Thursday (84)

"Well, she's passed out in Shinji's arms," Hikari sat warming up breakfast for the little ones, holding Maya's phone in the crook of her shoulder with Misato on the other end. "He had another bad night, and she was up helping keep him from hurting himself."

"Woof," the Sub-Commander of NERV Tokyo-3 had called out of concern, more than irritation, at Maya's not arriving on time to work. "Ok, I'll ask Ritsuko to cover for her for today. Getting Shinji back on his feet is work too, and I'll just mark her down as having completed her shift last night."

"I'm really very sorry, ma'am," Hikari's voice became the traditional housewife. "My darling Wife just works so hard, you know she tries her best to improve the company's profile. If you could forgive her just this once, I'll be certain to send in something _special_ on her next shift."

The roar of laughter that followed was clearly as heartfelt as it was needed, "You do that, Missus Ikari, because too many more of these and I'll have to visit your house and see what is keeping my star employees from showing up ready to work. If I find out it's you, I'll have to put you over my knee!" Chuckling, she sighed as someone rustled paperwork near her, "I've got to go, Hikari-chan. Take care of them."

After the phone went dead, she smirked, "Spank me? Oh no!" Her eyes rolled, "Threaten me with a good time." Pushing the eggs out onto the various plates, she checked that everything was done. It was the first morning of her big push, and she didn't want things going wrong from the start. Carrying out the dishes little by little, she set the table for a big family breakfast, minus two of the pieces of the family. In her mind, _everyone_ was family, and _everyone_ was important. This was her chance to make that clear.

Moving down the hall to the first door, she poked her head in to make certain that Shinji hadn't awoken. He lay in bed, where Asuka and Maya had moved him, with their wife curled into his side. She couldn't honestly say that she wasn't jealous, she'd love to be by the two all day, but the jealousy was easy to manage as they wouldn't have the opportunity to sit with everyone and start their day with a great diversity of love.

The next stop was Nozomi and Sakura, and the two children received a much different Hikari. Walking into the room after sliding the door open purposefully, she began to sing the same song she remembered her mother singing when she was much younger. A lively tune that set the mood as she opened the curtains to let the daylight in and flicked the switch to turn the overhead lights on. A part of her hurt inside as she saw the newest household member cower in fear for a moment before she remembered where she was and saw that she was not only safe but eagerly loved.

Nozomi herself yawned and sat up with a small frown, "You haven't done that in a year. Do we have to wake up so soon?"

"I have a new little sister," Hikari stated imperiously. "I wanted to greet her this morning the way that I greeted you before you became a cranky puss in the morning." Smiling broadly to the young girl she knew was hurting badly, she crouched down, "Are you ready to get the morning routine out of the way? I've made breakfast for everyone, but I know your back is still aching a little in the mornings after tossing and turning all night."

"I…uhm," Sakura rubbed her eyes a little, "I don't want to be a bother."

"You couldn't be if you tried," the Lady of the House assured her. "This is your home now, Sakura-chan. We are your family. From now until the end of time. It used to be a Horaki rule, but now it's an Ikari _and_ Horaki rule, that when someone in the family needs help, the family does what is necessary to get them help."

"Yep," Nozomi nodded. "When Kodama-nee-san needed help because she got a really bad flu from the hospital she was training at, it was my job to make sure that she had all the tissues she needed. I had to run to the store twice!"

"Which is very important, because sniffling makes it worse," Hikari stated solemnly. Offering her hands again without moving too close to the newest member of the household, she waited patiently for her to respond, "I'm not going to touch your body without your permission, Sakura-chan," her eyes softened, "nobody in this house will. So, if you aren't ready I'll come back after I have everyone else up."

"I…I…." Her head bobbed once in consent.

"Ok, arms around my neck," she stooped her upper body to make it easier, sliding her arms under the little girl's, and under her knees. "Nozomi-chan, please grab the bathroom door."

"Hai!" Rolling out of bed, the youngest Horaki hustled over to comply with her sister's wishes.

For Hikari, it was a chance to be a big sister again. For more than a year, she'd been actively pushing Nozomi to learn to do things on her own. It wasn't that she didn't love her little sister, but that she loved her enough to want her to learn to succeed. Watching as Nozomi applied herself to helping Sakura as well made those lessons all the more fulfilling. Still, in her mind there was something to be said for babying the little ones, and she enjoyed it as therapy for them both.

With Nozomi pushing Sakura slowly in her wheelchair towards the table, she moved to the next target. Knocking on Kodama's door, she waited for a moment before poking her head in, "Hey, Koko. Get up. Breakfast is ready, and we have stuff to do."

"Already?" Groaning as she sat up, her appearance caused a small stab of jealousy in the married woman in the room. Even fresh from sleep she still looked as if she should grace the cover of magazines, or star in television shows. Hikari would never stop comparing herself to the woman that she felt more closely resembled the mother they both lost, and she still secretly worried that one day Shinji would realize that he'd married the wrong daughter of Toshiro.

Reassuming her authority, Hikari patted the wall, "Don't dawdle, I want to get things ready so that we don't have to wait on anyone once Shinji and Maya are up."

"Yeah, yeah," Kodama stretched languidly. "I'll be there in a moment."

Making a note to check on her way back through, Hikari let good enough rest for the moment. Moving to the next door, she took a deep breath to compose herself. The woman she had been, and the woman she now was, were far too different. Suzuka would no longer be in control in _her_ house, and that meant that she had to approach the willowy warrior as a peer, and not a child. Knocking, she once more waited a moment before leaning into the room, "Breakfast is ready, please be out soon so we can get the children fed."

Without opening her eyes or even appearing as if she'd been roused, the effortlessly graceful eternal woman simply replied, "As you wish. I shall be out in a few moments."

Sliding the door closed, and taking the minor victory over herself with a small grin of pride, she moved to the last door. Knocking lightly, she intentionally greeted the two women inside as friends instead of as family. Her husband had decided that they must earn their place and while she disagreed, the rule remained that it only took one 'No'. "Hey guys, breakfast is ready!" Using a bright smile and chipper voice, she set the tone for the day with both Yang and Tsuru, "Yang, you can use the bathroom in the little one's room. Tsuru you can use the one in here. We've got to get started so they can finish by tonight."

"Hnnnngggggg," Yang stretched cutely, "I'm up. I'm up." Flopping upright, she scrubbed at her hair, "Be right out."

Tsuru was much more self-possessed, merely stifling a small yawn with her fist, "I'll be out soon, Hikari-san."

Letting the suffix slide, as people did tend to operate on auto-pilot when first waking, she closed the door behind her and moved back out to check on Kodama on her way to the dining room. Poking her head in, she was surprised to hear the sound of the shower shutting off through the mostly open door. _I guess living on her own really did change old habits._ Closing that door quietly, she floated out to the table and saw that Nozomi had Sakura well in hand, "Is everything ok? Need anything more?"

"She likes her eggs with a bit more pepper," Nozomi answered, anticipating Sakura's denial of anything wrong. "She doesn't want to be rude, but she doesn't understand that you aren't offended by her asking for stuff she'd prefer. Still working on it, nee-san."

"More pepper," Hikari nodded, pulling out her phone and tapping a note in. "Got it. Anything else?"

Sakura shrank under the attention, "I…uhm, I really don't need anything special, Hikari-san."

"We'll work on it," she repeated her youngest sibling's admonition. "I know it's hard right now, sweetie, but we are not just saying this. You are our family now. I have _three_ sisters, and I love each of them dearly."

"I love two of my sisters," Kodama stated as she slid into the seat next to Sakura, wearing her typical boxers and crop-top, "Hikari's going to have to earn my love again after waking me up early." Kissing the top of Sakura's head, she whispered loud enough for everyone to hear, "You're doing great, kiddo. One day at a time, one step at a time. This is a marathon, not a sprint."

"I hope that there was enough protein in breakfast this morning," Suzuka gently tousled both of the small children's hair. "I intend to see at least three good steps from Sakura-chan while we're outside today. Such accomplishments will require energy."

The second youngest member of the household pointed to her plate, "I'm eating, ma'am. I promise."

"Oh my everything, how do you two have a better bathroom in your bedroom than I have in my entire household?" Yang burst into the conversation as full of energy as ever, "You two are _so_ spoiled, it's great!" A bright smile and a wave had her sitting on the opposite side from Nozomi, "I thought I was coming here to work, but so far this is a vacation. I don't have to cook, I get to use a bathroom bigger than my bedroom, and I can tease Nozomi-chan about how my brother thinks she cheats at four-square."

"He doesn't move side-to-side," the youngest Horaki scoffed. "He thinks that you have to turn to dodge, which is why he loses every time."

"Lateral motion is important," Tsuru agreed as she joined the conversation looking well on her way to wakefulness. "If you lean too much, you lose your balance."

With everyone at the table, Hikari watched silently for a few moments as her world was once more filled with life. So many of the people at the table had experienced loss, most far too recently. Other than her marriage surviving, the thing she wanted most was to see these good, solid, women grow into a family of their own. People that would not only rely on each other, but learn to overcome their own doubts and fears. It was possible. They could thrive. _It might not be on Earth…but we can thrive._

+++++ 13th Angel + 4: Thursday (84)

Opening the document that contained her thesis, Asuka began to read through it once more from the beginning. Now dressed in shorts and the shirt she'd been gifted, she was determined to figure out why she'd thought she had anything else to add to what ought to have been a completed paper. Paragraph by paragraph, chart by chart, she chewed on well-researched data. The further she went on, the more concerned she grew, "Where did I get any of this?" Frowning, she pulled open her citations, "When would I have had access to…." The ring of her phone couldn't pry her eyes from the screen, and she blindly stabbed the button to answer then the button for speaker phone, "What?"

"Good morning to you too, Asuka," Misato's voice held mild amusement.

Not allowing herself to be distracted, she replied simply, "I'm working on my thesis, Frau Katsuragi. What did you need?"

The sub-commander's tone remained the same, "We need you to come in for a synch test. I was going to give you the option of now, or after lunch around thirteen hundred, but it sounds like you'd rather wait."

"I'll come in now, I hate having things hanging over me," about to hang up, she paused. "Misato…did you give me access to patient files in the MAGI? Specifically about post-Impact children and their psychological counseling needs."

"No," a hint of caution crept into her voice, "I wouldn't have the right to authorize that. Each nation handles their patient files differently, and the amount of paperwork to go through would be staggering. Weren't you working with…your doctor?"

"Frau Doktor Dye-Job?" Asuka scoffed, "She hasn't had time to prescribe me the refills on my pain medication or fix that terrible bleach blonde bullshit, I doubt she'd be interested in helping me with my post-graduate education." Groaning, she slapped her laptop shut, "Never mind. I'll have to go through my citations line by line and make sure that I can replicate everything. I'll be up in fifteen minutes." Hanging up, she pulled off Shinji's shirt and tossed it onto the bed, "Don't want to lose that."

Pausing as she went to pull out a shirt she didn't care much about, she looked at herself in the mirror. The brief moment of familiar dysphoria she experienced whenever she saw the scar passed more quickly as she remembered laying atop Shinji. The night was mostly a blur, and the details continued to fade, but one thing remained steady throughout all of it. _He loves me._ A smile grew on her face as she traced a finger over the long-healed wound, _He loves me, and he understands me._ Slipping on her shirt, she turned to leave the room, _He has a lovely singing voice._

+++++ 13th Angel + 4: Thursday (84)

Waking up in the real world, as opposed to waking up in his own mind, was a welcome surprise. Waking up with one of his wives slowly coming to in his arms, and the other gently running her thumb over his forehead, made him hate himself for not having proper access to his emotions. "Good…morning?" He swallowed, shaking his head, "I'm sorry, I don't know what time it is."

"Eight," Hikari answered quietly. "We need to get you two dressed, there's work to be done."

"It's eight?!" Maya's panic caused Shinji to reflexively grip her closer protectively, "I'm late, oh crabapples…what happened to my alarm?"

"I stole your phone," the Class Rep shrugged. "Misato's having Ritsuko cover for you today, and has marked you down as having completed your shift by taking care of Shinji to get him back on his feet." Soothing her wife's shoulders, she smiled, "Everything's ok. I'm on top of it."

Maya closed her eyes in frustration, "Sweetie, I can't just take a day off, I have obligations."

"Yes. To us, to yourself, to our family," a tone of authority crept into her words. "You haven't taken the proper time to grieve. You've been bursting into tears at random, and pushing yourself to work despite needing a few moments to decompress. Since spending the day in bed sobbing isn't what you want to do, today we're going to spend out in the sun working on schoolwork while the engineers expand the house." Tapping her wife on the nose, she kept her no-nonsense taken attitude, "You are going to be a teacher today. We are going to enjoy time together as a group. Every time we've tried recently it's backfired. I won't let this one fail."

Shinji focused on the part that he felt was more immediately concerning, "Why are the engineers expanding the house?"

"Because if you get Maya pregnant, we'll need another room for a child," Hikari stated casually. "We'll also need more room for guests, as we tend to gather them from time to time. I've been speaking with Chief-san about this for some time, and he said very clearly that if we wanted the house expanded he'd planned the original structure to allow for it. Nobody will lose their window's view, and defending the structure will be just as easy as before." She smiled charmingly, "I've even convinced them to put in that fish tank Gaghiel-san wants."

Maya frowned, "And they're coming today."

"They're staging outside now," she nodded. "Neither of you get to complain to me about this. You put me in charge of the house. We all agreed that because Shinji would be too busy keeping the world turning, and you would be too busy stopping people from abusing him, that I would take over keeping the house together. We need more space, we need to show people that even after tragedy we're still looking towards a future, and if you want a baby right now then I need to make sure that you have the room you'll need."

"Hikari…I wasn't mentally there when I said that," freeing herself from Shinji, she sat up and faced her spouses. "While I'd love to eventually have one, it wouldn't be prudent to force everyone to deal with me being hormonally moody while we're trying to fight Angels."

"Misato disagrees," Hikari pointed out. "She wants both of us to have children as soon as possible, her words."

Maya raised her eyebrow, "Misato is-"

"Our superior," Shinji cut in. "As mercurial and childish as she can be off-duty, she would never compromise our ability to respond to Angels knowingly. That is not a valid argument." Pushing himself to his knees, he let his balance take a moment to recover, "I cannot argue the point that I left most household matters in your hands, Hikari. If expanding the house is what you want, then that is what you will have." Setting one foot down, so that he rested on one knee, he held out his hand to stop either woman from rushing to support him, "However, in return, you need to agree that my duty to keep the world turning requires that I push myself. That I do things you may find uncomfortable." Standing, with a slight wobble, he looked down on both women, "So long as you remember that managing the household does not include forcing me to create some… _harem_ , we won't argue."

Leaving two stunned women behind, he walked carefully into the bathroom. He could read between the lines. He could feel two new songs in the house. His wife was busy planning their future, and a part of him was becoming increasingly angry at not being asked for his opinion.

+++++ 13th Angel + 4: Thursday (84)

"Ok, Sakura-chan," Shinji was down on one knee next to the new member of his household that he had personally stumped for, "here's the plan. I'm going to get back up, because I see where I made the mistake, and then we're going to take another step together. I keep forgetting that I can trust my knees, even if I can't _feel_ my knees, to do what I need them to do. You can do the same for your back. Maya says your hips will support you, and I know that Suzuka will never let you fall, so we'll do this together. Right?"

"It…hurts," she smiled with a little pain, "but if you think I can do it…I'll give it my best shot."

"It'll hurt less the more you walk," Kodama promised. "You're standing, which is honestly the hardest part. This will be your third step, and Suzuka-san promised that she'd reward you if you can take that last step on your own."

Shoving himself to his feet, Shinji stood tall, "We've got a thousand miles to go, Sakura. We aren't going to get there standing still." Lightly placing his hand on her head, he smiled down on her, trusting that the practice he'd spent several minutes doing would help it look more natural, "On three?"

"…On three," the little girl grimaced. Taking a deep breath, she looked down at her feet, "One."

"Two," Shinji followed.

"Three," stating the number together, both people performed the task they'd intended. Sakura's step was still unnatural, but it was taken under her own power. Using Suzuka only as a guide forward, she managed to then take a fourth step out of a desire to feel as if she'd earned the cheers that everyone was raining down on her. She laughed, through her pain, as Shinji had successfully managed to jump into the air and land without tumbling into a mass of limbs.

All around the group, the workmen roared their approval. Men and women who'd worked closely with Yasuji Suzuhara, who'd been heartbroken to find that he'd been taken, then appalled to find he'd been murdered, were now working tirelessly to help build new spaces in the house of the one man that they'd trust with his child's safety without question. Those same people watched as her 'new family' encouraged her to walk again, spent time with her as if she'd always been a part of their life, and their hearts began to heal. Their fallen comrade could rest in peace, his legacy in good hands.

Clapping his hands, Shinji nodded, "Four steps, Suzi. You can't tell me that doesn't deserve something a little extra."

"An achievement to be certain," the eternal woman helped Kodama settle the panting youth on the blanket with Nozomi. "I had intended to spread out the gifts, to celebrate specific milestones, but as you've clearly shown an eagerness to excel, I must promote that enthusiasm in kind." Reaching into the satchel where she kept the various legal documents that had now rendered her an unmarried woman, she pulled out two folders before sitting down by her newest 'niece'. "I am offering you a choice, first. Now, this need not be decided today," she cautioned, "I want you to consider your heart's desire before you allow impulsiveness to decide for you."

"Y-yes ma'am," Sakura nodded slowly.

"Your father, a man none should ever look down upon, left this document in his home." Opening the blue folder, she settled the paperwork where Sakura could read it, "It appears that he had spoken before with Xu Xuefan, Yang-chan's mother, and asked that in the event he was unable to fulfill his obligations as father that she take care of you for a time."

"Ma had me check up on you often because of that, kiddo," Yang nodded. "Since we lived so close to each other, and my baby bro and you are in the same class, it all made sense at the time. We never told you, because we prayed it would never be necessary."

Her eyes misted slightly, but Sakura gulped down her tears and nodded once, "I…I understand."

"This document has been signed, and notarized, but doesn't cover the situation we find ourselves in." Suzuka smiled sadly, "However, Xu-san has stated in no uncertain terms that she would be honored to serve as your guardian. You'd still live with us, if you wanted, and she would handle those circumstances that required parental consent."

"The other option," Maya asked for the green folder, "is that I adopt you instead." Opening up that folder, she set it down next to the first, "Unfortunately, despite being married, a combat veteran, and a Duke, the government can't allow Shinji to adopt just yet. The rules are still the rules, we have to abide by them even if we don't _like_ them, right?" She gave a sad smile to Sakura as the youth nodded forlornly. "However, because I'm his wife, _I_ can adopt you, and that would make you his daughter."

Sitting heavily, dropping himself to the ground, Shinji calmly addressed the young girl before him, "Either way, you'll live where you want to live. We'll all still treat you as our sister. You will never be an 'outsider' or a 'pest'. Xu-san is a wonderful woman, who's raised more than one child that wasn't her own. She'd be here today to make the offer, if she didn't have to feed half the city."

"I…I get to choose?" Sakura looked between various people, confused, "But…but I'm nine."

"It's your life, Sakura-chan," Hikari scooted closer and offered her hands to the young girl. "The two choices are both equally safe." Her smile bloomed as the little lady took her offer, "Living with us, or living with Xu-san, neither is 'better' for you. Both have their advantages, both have their drawbacks. But _we_ ," she tilted her head to include everyone else, "don't know your heart well enough to make the final decision. The offer is up to you. Live with us, live with Xu-san. Have Xu-san as your guardian, or my wife as your guardian."

"And, as I said, this need not be decided right now." Suzuka closed both folders, "Think on it. Ask questions. Contemplate what you might want in the future, so that you may begin your journey confident in your destination." Setting the two to the side, she gave her own smile, "As to the second gift, you had asked a few nights ago about my calligraphy. If you are truly interested, and you will dedicate yourself to the lessons, I will teach you the proper method of penmanship. I have acquired a few spare sets of appropriate tools, and received permission to use the dining room table for our instruction."

"…Really?" The young lady squirmed, "You'll teach me about the history of it too?"

"The only proper way to learn the art, is to learn _the art_. The history, the why and what, is just as important as the act itself. Any oaf may wave a pen around, only a master knows why the strokes are performed as they are." Suzuka raised her eyebrow in caution, "This will require dedication, little one. I am not patient with lollygagging."

"She's really not," Shinji agreed in his gravelly monotone. "More than one morning has ended with me dancing around by my hair as she reminded me that I wasn't taking her instruction seriously."

"I would say he has turned out acceptably, given the short time we've had to work together," the willowy warrior lightly brushed his knee in affection. "Wouldn't you say, Sakura-chan?"

"So I…I can live here," her squirm became uncomfortable. "And I…I uhm…."

"The only thing you have to do," Hikari stepped in quickly, "is accept that you are loved." Her anger was incandescent, but like any good older sister, it was not apparent to the sibling in need of consoling, "None of us in this house will ask anything else of you." Squeezing her hands, she caught the young girl's eyes, "Because we _do_ love you. And you can see in each of us what actual love means." Scooting in closer as she felt the tears begin, she held her newest sister and murmured gentle reassurances. "I didn't hit him hard enough, Sakura-chan. Not nearly hard enough."

+++++ Author's Notes:

JaceSterne:

RE: Frau Marlowe

Mmmm…no comment.

RE: Asuka

Shinji may have been terrorized by the version of her in his mind, who was aided by the reality of the her before him in his home timeline being confusing, brash, and impulsive, but he's still Shinji. He won't leave anyone behind, not if he can help it.

origamishishou:

RE: Memes.

All of them. Every of the memes.

RE: Rei.

All good questions. The answers…I'm not sure how good they are.

RE: Visual references.

That would be neat to see. I know how they look in my mind, and I'd be glad to offer any clarifications in PMs if you had questions about my notes on their appearance. Those aren't "spoilers" so I'm not opposed to sharing. Or, if everyone wants to hear a less story-voice description I could probably just put them in an AN after a chapter. Depends on the level of interest, I guess.

RE: Tropes page.

That's…not something I'd ever thought I'd hear about this story. I admit I would be interested to see that kind of an analysis of the specific tropes I've made use of. Especially since I know that I don't know all of the tropes I'm guilty of using. Especially, especially, since I didn't know they had pages on TVTropes for fanfics. Would that make me (noteworthy?)? …Humbling.


	98. Chapter 98

+++++ 13th Angel + 4: Thursday (84)

"Well, sir," the young engineer that could hear his music started, "our big concern is color. The paint you have has been exposed to the sun, which has changed its color. If we use the same paint, it will always be obvious that this was an addition from the outside. Kind of an eyesore, not really what we feel is acceptable. Matter of pride, if you will."

Standing with Hikari under his arm, Shinji nodded to the logic, "I can understand that. What are you considering, then?"

"Well," her colleague held up four strips, "we have a _lot_ of blue paint in stock. It's a bit somber, but if we use the white to trim everything it would come out ok, we think."

The first woman shrugged, "Or you can have it painted by another company. We're getting close to where we'd start, and we wanted to talk to you and your wives about the problems we saw coming."

"I really have no strong feelings one way or the other." He looked down to see Hikari stifling a laugh, and Maya looking at him with disapproval, "…oh. Right. That was unintentional, and I apologize."

"The third swatch would be lovely," Hikari answered with an amused smile. "Please do use the white for the trim." Waving fondly as the two engineers moved to quickly begin the process, she lowered her voice, "Thank you for not acting grumpy today, Shinji. I…think I understand what's bothering you."

"I doubt you do," he replied, squeezing her arm before turning and facing the two latest complications in his life as they worked with Suzuka and Kodama to demonstrate various scientific principles for 'Team Rainbow'. "I do not intend that to be a slight, however. I honestly do not believe you understand my perspective."

"You don't want to be forced to love anyone," she shrugged. "I can't say that you're wrong."

"That's not his problem," Maya sighed.

"You couldn't force me to love someone if you tried, Hikari," _We're going to have to discuss this, let's just get it out of the way._ He saw Maya nod in agreement, and stepped back to place himself in a more neutral posture without touching either of his wives, "How much time have we spent actually together since we were married?"

"We're at war," Hikari countered. "Now isn't the best point to use as a basis of comparison to the rest of our lives."

"Subtract the war, add in five other women. Every time he thinks he'll have a nice few days to enjoy being with the women he loves, he'll have another obligation from one of those you're asking him to add. Even if we spend time together in groups," Maya gestured between the three of them, "he'll feel more and more like he's excluding others that might need him. Hikari, Shinji wants…no, Shinji _needs_ to revolve his entire life around us. Asking him to take on a leadership role like we are is already painful for him. When he starts gaining responsibility for millions…eventually billions of lives? He's going to want to recharge his batteries sometime. He does that with _us_."

The Class Rep's face went dark, "Not if he's dead."

"How many, then?" Shinji's best weapon at the moment was the lack of emotions. He could see them, he was aware of what his body wanted to emote, but he was stuck at cold, basic, logic. "You, Maya, Kodama, Suzuka, Noelle, Tsuru, Yang, Ritsuko, Misato, Asuka, Nicolette, where does the list end? If I spend a week with you, then a week with Maya, and I cycle through everyone to give them even a little time, it's nearly three months before I'm back with you. You'll see me four weeks out of the year."

"I'll live," she shrugged, her song not indicating even a hint of prevarication. "Better four weeks than not at all."

"Perhaps we should consider what that means for Shinji," Maya turned the argument another direction. "He'll have four weeks of the year with the most important woman in his life." She held her hand up, "I'm not laboring under any delusions that I'm tied in this competition, Shinji. You know it, and I know it. She's Number One. I'm _happy_ being included at all, considering I have two people I am blessed with in my life."

"Perhaps three," he gestured to Kodama. "Or four," to Suzuka. "I've seen their songs around you, Kitten. Suzi more than Kodama, but they're becoming very fond of you."

"And you'd tell them 'No'?" Hikari poked at him, "Where are _you_ drawing the line, then? I'm trying to guide us towards futures where you are happy. There are others, far worse ones, where you are alive and miserable. That's not even mentioning the futures where Tsuru isn't around to build humanity a church that isn't corrupted, or Yang isn't around to keep you from…swallowing some sort of red shard." Shaking away the memory she couldn't make sense of, she rolled her hand, "You keep talking about your needs, but I actually see them."

"I'm drawing the line at the limit of my ability to make anyone happy. I don't know what number that is. In a world where either one of you didn't love me, it would be one." He let his head hang as his anxiety dropkicked the window, "I'm sorry…that's terrible of me to say."

"No, it's accurate," once more Maya proved she was the eternal voice of reason, even when her own emotions were banged up. "If I didn't love you, Hikari would be your one and only. If she didn't love you, you and I would retire to a farm somewhere and grow…I don't know, watermelons." Touching his chest, she patted him gently, "We both love you, and we're all married now. Nothing we're saying here today is changing either of those facts. You aren't looking for a divorce, I'm not looking for a divorce, Hikari's not looking for a divorce."

"We need a compromise, then," Hikari felt her anger building, but kept it locked down tight. Her husband wasn't being intentionally difficult, he was being the kind of man any woman on the grounds would murder every other woman on the grounds to be with. "I am going to insist that we aim for the paths that lead to a bright, smiling, husband still alive in my life. Those paths are going to include most of the women present, and possibly others as things clarify themselves."

"That doesn't sound like it leaves much room to compromise, babe," keeping herself planted firmly between the two, Maya removed any appearance of partiality. "It sounds more like the beginning of an ultimatum."

"Have you explained to them," Shinji kept his hands clasped before him, trying not to draw attention to the argument, "your plan? Do they even know they're being drawn into the loop?"

"Tsuru begged me last night to help her learn to be more like me." Hikari raised her eyebrow, "She wants so badly to be a part of our household that she offered to do all of the chores herself." Tilting her head, her eyes stayed locked on Shinji's, "She doesn't want to crowd, but she doesn't understand what she can do to earn her bread. It would _help_ if my husband and wife assured her that they were going to give her time to grow into being a part of our family. Let her know that she would at least get a fair trial."

"Define 'fair'," Maya asked, genuinely curious. "Shinji's already stated his expectations. She needs to go to school, she needs to gain a degree that will support her if she suddenly found herself alone. We'll support her in doing that, but we're not coddling anyone, Hikari. We don't even treat Nozomi-chan with those kind of kid gloves. Is the timeline in this so short that we can't wait five years for her to be on her way to a proper degree?"

Her eyes flicked to her wife's, "Would you wait five years to have the man you love kiss you?"

"Will she accept that the man she loves, loves a number of women? Can she accept that I'll be having sex with at least three other women before she even sees our bedroom?" He frowned, "I'm sorry…I didn't mention that before. I've decided that I do love Kodama. Fear, anxiety…something else, I can't really name that emotion, they were clouding me. Logically, she's supported me from the beginning. She's been willing to not only change, but change for her own sake. I have to accept her feelings as genuine, seeing as not only my wife, but my training partner agree that her status as a Horaki would grant her the same predestined feelings as you have." He shook his head, "She isn't lying when she says she loves me, and that she loves me because she feels it like you do. I can either accept that I do have feelings for her, or I can disappoint her, you, and probably Maya."

"I'll never tell you to love anyone, Pup," the elder of his wives smiled sadly at him. "Your feelings belong to you, not me."

"I've already explained the rules," Hikari shrugged again. "I don't want to hear about it, because imagining my sister like that gives me the heebie-jeebies. I'm just glad that she'll be happy, and that you genuinely care about her." Seeing a way to turn this towards benefiting her argument, she flicked her hair behind her, "So, how are we splitting that time? Do I get once every three days? If Maya and my sister hit it off, will it be every other? What about Suzuka? Are we abandoning that idea? She's every bit as important to a good future as Koko."

Curiosity overcame sense, and he asked the question that came to mind, "Are there futures where you are all happy without me?"

"No," both women stated simultaneously.

"Are there futures where we make the best of what's left? Yes." She stepped closer to him, "Are there futures where my wife and I break into tears randomly? Where I burn my sister's corpse because she can't live in a world without you? Where every time a man approaches me to ask my name I want to carve yours into his skull with a dull knife? Where I can't bring myself to empty your side of the closet? Yes, Shinji, those futures exist. Can I be happy without you? No. Can I find comfort and relief in her arms until the spirits see fit to grant me release so that I can rejoin you in the hereafter? Yes. I will _never_ abandon Maya. But you are not some vestigial appendage to our happiness."

"So I am the lynchpin," he muttered, looking over to the group of women waiting on their return. "Without me…."

 _Without you, Pup, it's a dark, lonely world._ Maya held her hands out, "Let's give Shinji some time to think, Hikari. It's not easy for him to see the world the way you and I do. If this is important enough that you'll force the issue, it's important enough to give him some time, right?"

"Hug Tsuru, Shinji." Hikari sighed in frustration, "You hug people you care about. Look me in the eye and tell me you don't care about her. Maybe only as a friend, for now, but she needs to have hope." Looking off towards the front gate, she swore, "Damn it. Misato's here." Slipping on her public smile, she waved at the car as it parked alongside the driveway. "You'll always have time, Shinji," she said with a false cheer. "I'll never force you to drink from the river of happiness."

+++++ 13th Angel + 4: Thursday (84)

"Sit, sit, sit," Misato urged him onto a stool in the kitchen. "You wobble any more and I'm going to get dizzy."

"I'm ok," he went to move, stopping as he caught a finger on the tip of his nose.

"Sit." The tonal shift from 'Friendly' to 'Sub-Commander' dropped him onto the seat, "There we go." Switching her finger for her lips, she kissed his nose, "I'm sure that Sleeping Beauty regaled you with all sorts of horror stories of my cooking, but there is one thing I've never received a complaint about: coffee."

For the second day in a row, a former housemate of his was making him coffee that he might never end up drinking. He saw the comedy, and wished dearly he could enjoy the humor. "It might be nice if we could find her Prince Charming," Shinji offered instead. "True love's first kiss might mean the difference between success and failure, for us."

"You'll carry the day," Misato stated with quiet confidence. "You crushed two Angels back to back, you've even managed to kill one in hand-to-hand combat. It's not that Rei wasn't helpful, or that she's not important, but at the end of the day you're the reason we're all standing here missing her." Filling the carafe from the sink, she looked over at him with a wistful smile, "I'd give almost anything to have her irritated at me again, Shinji. The way that she frowned ever so slightly when you did something she couldn't understand the reason for. It was adorable."

"You…aren't to blame," leaning on his elbows, he shifted his posture to try and indicate the emotions that were stuck inside of him. "Nobody could have seen SEELE using an Angel as a…an ambush? A sneak attack? How did they even gain control over one?" He allowed his lack of emotional clarity to cover for his knowledge of Tabris' existence, what little there was besides a name.

"A good question," setting the machine to percolating, she moved back to stand next to her former ward. "Has anyone talked to you about Nevada?" There was an odd amalgam of hope and worry in her gaze, "I won't be upset…I just, I wanted to talk to you about everything when you got home. But we were…well, ambushed is a good word for it."

"I know that several thousand innocent people lost their lives," he admitted. "Unit-04, an S-Two organ…."

"Did someone tell you about Agent Haraldson?" Setting her jaw, she took his hands, "Again, I won't be upset."

"She was looking for Toji-san," he nodded. "She and several of her colleagues were on that base when…." Pain, regret, helplessness, a great host of negative emotions gathered at the window to glare balefully at him for not allowing them to assail him with their misery.

"General Benoit ordered her to Nevada, she'd wanted to stay and take care of your family," Misato knew the truth, and her desire to lie to save Shinji's feelings backfired horribly.

"Misato," his head tilted, "which part of that isn't true?" _Did she want away from me so badly that she fled to America?_

 _Pup?_ Maya's voice interrupted his thoughts, _Pup, what's wrong?_

Caught in the act, the violet-haired warrior sucked on her lips, "Fuck."

His ability to use humor hadn't fled with his emotions, just his ability to enjoy its touch, and its utility in gaining insight into people's thought processes was too valuable to not use, "Tempting, but for the moment let's focus on how angry I'm about to be with someone I love dearly."

Misato blinked, caught off-guard not only by the fact that he'd made a joke, but the possibility that it wasn't actually a joke in total, "I…."

"Let me make this easier," anger was battering on the window between him and his emotional states. Standing up from the stool, he felt the tingle of electricity crawling along his brain, down his arms, towards his fingertips, "Did Idunn want to leave the country, yes or no?" Dark tendrils began to connect him once more to those parts of his being that had been sealed off for his own safety.

It hurt her to have to explain to someone that the woman they'd enjoyed the presence of in their life, didn't seem to feel the same way, "Shinji, it's not-"

"Yes," his monotone splintered as despondent wrath pushed its fingers through the cracks anger had made, "or no?"

Placing her hands on his chest, she trusted in his love for her as she tried to gently relay what would be a painful truth, "She asked to be assigned to the team investigating Toji Suzuhara's disappearance."

 _What did I do? Was it marrying both…was it marrying at all?_ Shinji wasn't surprised when he felt both Suzuka and Maya approaching the house quickly, "Do you know anything else regarding her decision?" His voice shifted now from monotonous to disconnected, his anger clearly restrained behind the desire to not harm the woman before him, "Anything at all?"

"No, Shinji, I promise. I know that she wasn't thrilled with what we were doing, that she didn't think it should continue," her statements were made just as his wife and would-be future wife rounded the corner to the kitchen, "that I wasn't taking responsibility for making you do the things she felt I forced upon…you." Having noticed the presence of two additional women, she realized how what she was saying would sound, and moved to correct the potential misunderstanding, "That sounded awful, I'm not having some secret affair with-"

"Silence," Suzuka cut her off with a gesture. "His Grace would no more shove Nozomi-chan in an oven than cheat on his wives. What has been spoken of here?"

"Idunn asked to be sent to America," Shinji glared at a spot off to the east. "She wanted away from me so badly that she left the country. What did I do?" He noticed Rose and Lily appear, irritation glowing on the latter and concern on the former, _I am responsible for the death of someone I called friend._ "Where's Toji? Did she even die for a reason? Has he been debriefed?"

The lie was out of her mouth before she could catch it, her resolve to not burden him with more pain instead causing worse, "He's in a holding cell while his status is determined."

The creaking sound his neck produced as his glare shifted down to the woman he'd once looked up to worried everyone present, "Which part of _that_ is a lie, Misato?" Squaring his shoulders with his gaze, he loomed ominously, "Is part of the prerequisites for becoming a leader that you lie to everyone? Because if it is, you can shove the Lead Pilot status up my father's ass."

"He's a walking lie detector, Colonel," Maya was now angry on her husband's behalf. "The last I heard, he was being questioned after being declared an enemy combatant. Has that status changed?"

 _Lover, I'm going to need you to step away from Mount Rage and let me get your emotions back under control,_ Lily floated between him and Misato, trying to draw his attention. _Ireul is holding Adam at bay, but you're not helping us finish purging his influence._

Misato couldn't feign regret, as the young man's responsibility for both Rei's suffering and far more than what Shinji knew of Sakura Suzuhara's meant he was given the same fate as she'd ask for every such person, "Toji Suzuhara was executed as a traitor and a threat to mankind under the direct order of the Secretary General."

 _Right, nap time._ Lily reached up and touched his head, trying to stop what followed from occurring. When, instead, he simply worked his jaw as if chewing on a particularly distasteful sandwich, she was herself given the gift of an emotion she hadn't experienced in long, long ages: panic.

"You are oddly sanguine for having been responsible for the murder of a teenager." His voice had moved past disconnected and was now simply calm. The rage had reached that sweet spot between outwardly destructive and inwardly destructive where all it would take is the tiniest of pushes to move fatally in either direction. "Though, I suppose that is my fate should I ever find myself in a set of circumstances where I am opposing those charged with 'saving humankind'. We are, all of us, expendable." Moving fluidly, he strode through his wife and friends, not bothering with shifting himself to accommodate their smaller sizes and in so doing sending them staggering back as he collided with them, "I do wonder though what will happen to those who attempted to assist me along the way."

 _Pup?_ Maya shook off her dazed state, having bounced off of the cabinet hard following her husband's departure, _Pup, talk to me._ Moving to follow, she only saw the door standing open, "Damn it all, Misato." Spinning to ask Suzuka to follow behind wherever he'd gone to, she found nothing but empty air and a self-flagellating superior officer.

"Why can't I seem to connect with him properly?" Chocolate eyes lifted to behold grey, "How do you manage it? Is it because he loves you?"

Maya was tired of seeing her husband abused, and while she knew that her could-be friend would never intentionally do so, she still had a great deal of anger of her own for the way life had gone of late, "What. Happened."

+++++ 13th Angel + 4: Thursday (84)

General Benoit sat in his daily meeting with Gendo Ikari, the two men discussing the most recent intelligence that had been recovered from a raid on one of Lorenz Keel's safehouses. "Russia and the United States are seemingly clean, for now." The old officer tapped the maps they'd been marking, looking for patterns, "The woman told us much, giving up the power behind her throne. All in exchange for a promise not to kill her before she'd testified in court, so as to drag everyone she could down with her."

Gendo's smirk was pleased, "It is satisfying to know that I was not incorrect, though I must admit the Vice President was not who I had pegged as the actual member of the council."

"Oh?" The elder officer made a few notes, "And who was your guess?"

"Their Secretary of Defense, he holds a great deal of stock in Evangelion-related-" The door opening surprised him. The door being forced open by hand, and admitting the living thundercloud that was now his son, managed to allow him to locate the well of self-concern that he'd thought long since depleted. Standing as Shinji walked into the room, he greeted his son as he wondered if he'd reached the end of his time on Earth, "Pilot."

"Lead Pilot, actually," Shinji corrected absently, ignoring his father for the moment. Looking instead at the tired man who'd seemed so powerful directing everyone from outside of the VTOL that carried him home from Jet Alone's dismantling, he addressed him with the tentative respect he held, "Did she die for no reason?"

Philip Benoit V, Commanding Officer of the United Nations Inspectors General Corps, hardened military officer and veteran of the Second Impact wars, calmly stood and faced the one man on Earth he would ever and always defer to without hesitation, "I do not know, son. I desperately seek that answer, and the one informant I have has clammed up." Gesturing to a nearby seat, he noticed Suzuka glaring death at the 'guards', "Gentlemen, nothing you attempt will stay either of these individuals from murdering everyone in this facility should they so choose. It is by their good grace that we breathe, and by their good grace that we shall cease to, should we fail to meet their expectations. Stand down."

"Come inside, Suzi," Shinji had accepted on his sprint over to the NERV campus that his weapon went where he did. Of any woman on Earth, she would always back his play to the hilt. Of any woman on Earth, he likely _could_ never be rid of her. "The door has a sensor that is buzzing in their ears, and that would likely be annoying after about three seconds."

"Of course, dear heart," backing into the room, she never let her eyes shift from the two men who stood with their weapons drawn, or her hand move from her blade as she readied drawing it in order to sever their heads from their necks should they become truly hostile…or even moderately irritating. Once the door imposed itself between the two groups, she pressed the lock into place and then turned her glare towards the man that had sent the man she loved into hell's grasp without a second thought.

"Father," his anger was absolute. He had failed catastrophically, and the death toll was climbing for his sins. Accepting the seat Philip had offered, he inclined his head politely in gratitude to the General for the consideration. At this point, however, murdering anyone would limit what he might do later. It wasn't impossible that he'd decide to simply relieve Gendo of everything above his jaw, but for now…he could be polite, "I appreciated your having sat quietly through my wedding."

"I appreciated the invitation." Taking his own seat, he looked to the woman he knew to be terrifyingly powerful, "Would you be bothered if I served my son some tea?" He accepted the slight nod as permission, and poured out an additional two cups, setting one on a saucer before Shinji, and pressing the other where Suzuka could take it should she so choose. Manners at this point cost him nothing, and perhaps would gain him much. "The young technician we speak of, the one we were hoping could give us more information, was something of a fan of yours I understand. She currently believes we are working against your best interests, and that the incident at her former place of employment was an attempt to 'cover up the truth'."

"She is alone, terrified, and has stopped being of any assistance owing to the same," Philip could feel the wrath radiating from the preternaturally calm giant, and while his instincts said that he should find a way to first address that issue he understood that Shinji had come for a reason. "We, as you can likely guess, cannot investigate anything until the…anomaly has dissipated, if it ever does."

Shinji paused in the act of reaching for the teacup, "Beg pardon?"

Gendo offered what he believed to be the needed explanation of the science that was past the High School education his son had received, "The MAGI believe that the base-"

"It's a Dirac Sea," Shinji cut in with a hint of a growl. "I was inside of one recently, I'm familiar with the concept." Focusing his eyes on Philip, he leaned towards the man, "Did you say it's still there?"

"We can't ship Unit-01 to America, son," the man understood desperate hope, and his heart ached at having to crush it. "We just managed to repel an assault that would have leveled this entire prefecture, gaining permission to send you across the ocean in the other direction? That'd be as good as declaring all-out war. We're still technically in a state of conflict with the United States and China while the malefactors are removed from power by the interim governments."

"Damn the Eva," Shinji snapped, a crack of thunder in his voice. Clenching his fists, he forced them into his lap to stop from grabbing the man and shaking him, " _Is it still there_?"

"Our projections show it won't vanish for another ten days," Gendo answered quickly, curious as to what good that might do. Watching his son exercise restraint he himself was very familiar with, he pondered why it was that he himself hadn't been visited and…punished. "What do you intend to do?"

"What the men in our family always try to do, it seems, father." Standing, he looked at the man who'd asked him to fight giant aliens, and smiled grimly, "I'm going to attempt the impossible, and try to save someone I'm fond of." Leaving the room, he nodded politely to the two guards who nervously watched as Suzuka trailed behind him radiating killing intent.

The door closed, and after a span of heartbeats both Gendo and Philip relaxed a touch. The General turned to consider the father of the closest thing to a physical god he'd ever seen, "Having read enough of your profile to know that anger isn't something you contend with often, does he get it from his mother?"

"I made the mistake once of leaving something where Shinji might reach it, given a number of events that were distinctly unlikely," Gendo's smile was contrite. "She tore into me with words alone in a manner I have never since seen repeated. Threatening that which he considers under his protection is unwise, General. It matters not if it's a teacup or a toddler. Do not risk his wrath."

+++++ 13th Angel + 4: Thursday (84)

"Paladin," Temple hopped up from behind her desk, "who's injured?" The woman's first instinct when seeing thunderheads on his face was that someone had been harmed. She'd rarely seen him angered, and never when it wasn't someone else's life at stake. "Are they inbound?"

"I need a bed, Temple-san." Pausing, restraining his impatience, he retained his manners with a woman that had nothing to do with his current rage. "Suzi will guard the room. I may be unconscious for a moment, or an hour, I don't know yet."

"Your suite is always open," the lead Corpsman moved to offer it up. "There something I can do to help? This medical?"

"Stop anyone from interrupting me," he allowed, after some thought. "I'm attempting to save several thousand lives, and this may just be the first stop on a long journey."

"Saving lives is noble, Paladin," Kaz heaved the doors open and waved him into the medical bed. "I'll help her keep people from pestering you." Patting Shinji's shoulder, he whispered, "If you need, ask."

Climbing into what even Shinji considered to be one of the most comfortable beds he'd ever been in, he relaxed his grip on his sense of self and told his manners to go hang. The people around him were trying to help, but there wasn't anything they could do but stay out of his way. The more he talked, the less chance he had of doing something idiotic…at least doing it successfully. His eyes were soon shut, and his mind focused inwards.

+++++ 13th Angel + 4: Thursday (84)

Landing with a crash of thunder, he strode over to his younger self and stated the unyielding truth, "You attempt to control me, stop me, change my mind, or trick me, and there will be nothing you can do to stop me from tearing _everything_ down starting with you. I won't just reset reality, I'll wipe existence clean. There will be _nothing_ left. I am not your toy, your son, or your prisoner. I decide my life, and as I am eternal I will choose the manner of my death. Am I in any way, shape, or form _not_ making myself clear?"

"No," Adam said, a hint of sorrow in his reply. The former First Angel clasped his hands before him, looking down to the ground as one would expect of the defeated, "You will require a great deal of power for what you seek to do, and it is far more likely than not that you will find nothing you desire at your destination. I say this not to dissuade you, I am simply attempting to be honest with you."

"Ireul," without turning, Shinji knew that the woman appeared behind him, "I will need all of the power you can grant me. If we can succeed, I will pay any price for their use. Help me…help me at least know I did everything I could to save lives. One life saved is worth the price a thousand times over."

"Our powers are ever at your disposal, Your Grace," shifting to his side, her hand caressed his back, "what would you have Us do?"

"Compromise." He nodded, the plan coming together, "Whether you all approve or not, Lily is a part of me." _Lily_. Sending out the call, he turned to walk towards the Aspect of Terror's domain, "I'm not entirely certain of what all of you can manage. I just…I feel I can do something, and I can do it. But I get the feeling that all of you give me those hints, right?"

Ireul rocked her hand, "To an extent. Does one know what their hand can accomplish? Their stomach? Some things are more obvious than others, some inferred, some created from a fertile imagination and a touch of creativity."

"Lover," Lily walked backwards capably, shimmering into place before him, "you have left quite a bit in your wake. To say nothing of the damage that remains in your mind."

"I'll go to sleep until the next Angel if I have to," he waved away the problem. "If any of them love me as they say they do, they'll understand that I will not stop while there is still something I can do to save lives, thousands, hundreds, or dozens." Testing a theory he had, he floated up and began flying towards Ireul's domain at a much higher speed with both women keeping pace, "I called you here because I need you to coordinate outside of my body. You say you love me, and you have the same trust I give them." Looking at her, he reached out and ran a thumb along her cheek, "My Lily would understand that I can't sit by and let people die without _trying_."

The Night Mother worked her fingers along her palms as she fought a losing battle against giving in to his needs. "I want affection, _first_." As all three reached the center of the Terror Domain, she landed an instant before he did, "In here, out there, it matters not to me. But you have told me that you were slow to love, and here I find you gathering Adam's more feminine children to your bed at every turn. Am I so ugly? Am I so worthless?"

"I will need time to gather the others, Shinji," Ireul's political maneuvering was obvious to both. "Perhaps, an hour as we measure time here? Reaching through the Sky to delve into the depths of Darkness itself, to say nothing of the power that they'll grant you. We will need many of their talents to succeed, should we find anyone to save."

Turning purposefully to Ireul, Shinji bent down and pressed his lips lightly to hers, "You are not second to any. My love for you is not less than my love for her. I am a terrible man for having been blessed with such abundance, and should you never wish to touch me again I will deserve no less than to mourn what I have lost in your presence."

Pulling him down to whisper in his ear, she made her opinion perfectly clear, "My price, as you stated you would pay, is simply that I receive what she will. You are not mortal, your time here not finite, and an hour of your touch is worth every ounce of power I possess."

Nodding, Shinji accepted the cost. Hikari had once likened it to an idle daydream, a fancy that neither involved the 'real' nor demeaned what they shared. As the cost of non-compliance might one day mean that reality was undone, she further impressed on him the need to do what he had to so that they might still love one another. Kissing Ireul's forehead, he sent her on her way.

Lily willed a bed into existence, and simply stood there. The sheets turned just so, the mattress floating on a pillar of nothingness, it was a clear invitation and just as clearly not an order. He could offer himself, and keep his word, or he could turn away and lose the trust he'd tried to build up. Her song, such as it was, begged him to keep his word. To prove that he was not only the man he claimed to be, but that she believed him to be.

"I can fly in here," he said, to break the stasis. "I wonder if…." Turning his mind to the task, he willed his clothes to vanish, "Huh. To be honest, I didn't think that would work." Stepping over to the bed, he stopped just shy of laying down, "I'd like to have my emotions intact, for this. You deserve more than anger and pain from me."

"Done," she made no outward motion, but he felt the press of his emotions return in one fell swoop as she fulfilled his request.

Toppling over onto the bed in an uncontrolled fall, he twitched as anxiety, pain, regret, sorrow, fear, misery, and a million other emotions all clamored to be the first to garner his attention. The world threatened to overwhelm him, the depth of his feelings far too great to stoically will away as he might once have. He'd come too far, done too much, to simply return to that same silent hedgehog that forced everyone and everything from his side. He was drowning, suffocating under the press of reality. He'd failed, he'd-

Gentle hands rolled him onto his back, and his vision was purposefully filled with Lily's face. "Calm, Pet. Calm." Moving astride his waist, she seemed to grow to physically match his height, her body filling out proportionally without losing the perfection of form she possessed, "I gave you your emotions, as you asked. Now allow me to soothe them, as I am capable of." Running one hand along his forehead, smoothing his hair back, she wiped away the darker fears to leave the lesser free. "I won't change who you are, I do not want to change he who I have desired for so long. I'll just…calm you."

Sucking in a deep breath, he laughed with relief as endorphins shot through his 'body', "Ha…ha ha…." With a hand that finally felt more than pins and needles or the urge to crush someone's skull, he touched her cheek, "That…that is why you need to be careful what you ask for." Steadying his breathing slowly, he attempted to soothe his conscience, "I'll need to tell my wives."

"If they would like, I'll give them what I give you," she offered, shifting her hips so that she would begin stimulating them both. "My love will not go beyond yours, that I promise you, but I will not deny it to whomsoever you would yourself offer yours to. As I said, I am a being of and for affection. The more I receive from others, the less you will find me begging for from you." Her grin was quick, "Though you will always provide _the best_ source of sustenance."

He swallowed, her aura nearly impossible to deny, "I have your word that you'll do everything you can to help me?"

"We may only find corpses, Lover," she worked harder to seduce him even as she expressed the truth.

"Then we give thousands of families what peace we can." He wasn't under any illusions, there was little chance of anyone even being able to breathe. If, somehow, they defied physics and survived the transition between the world they knew and a realm of infinite negatively charged energy, they'd find only whatever air had been drawn into the dome as it expanded outwards. If he could return a body to Thor, to Philip, then he'd have done what he could.

Knowing that he would not yet wish to cross the final barrier, she contented herself with all that could be done just up to that point, "I will give you what I can. You know that all I am is yours to call upon." Pushing herself to sit upright atop him, she let her desire for his touch radiate outwards. She was atop him, atop the man that called her his equal, and though she couldn't yet wholly claim him, that was enough to satisfy her needs.

"I'm," with his emotions restored, he tried to fight through the confused welter of conflicting impulses to speak. Words formed and disappeared rapidly, his desire for her rose and faded, and through it all he was forced to consider just how long he might be able to avoid giving similar treatment to the growing horde of women that he'd pulled into his orbit. As the hour went on, and the close-but-not-quite union moved from one style of touch to another, his thoughts grew less dim on the possibility of accepting what the women who loved him might choose to give him, or each other.

Anger faded, confusion following along behind, his mind clearing as reality became ever more cloudy. There was no solid path he could walk anymore, he belonged to forces more powerful than the entirety of the human race…he belonged to two women who meant more to him than the world. The being atop him granting him ever more exquisite pleasures never once demanded his attention, and yet he found his hands, his fingers, giving her more and more of it. Though, somehow, each time he went to do something that he felt might make her feel 'special', he was gently rebuffed. It was never a shared joy, never a balanced medium, it was always in his court. When things reached their logical conclusion, he noticed a thin thread of Ireul's call on the air around them. The hour was up, it was time to progress.

"Words are pale things," she leaned in and kissed him gently as she willed away the signs of their near-lovemaking. "I wouldn't bother with them at the moment, I have your heart and it tells me all I would need to know." Helping him stand, she teased out a few more signs of affection as he came down from the heights she propelled him to. Once he was stable, she shrunk back down to the size she knew he preferred, alighting on his shoulder and asserting her place at his side as she sent the return message that they were prepared for company.

Ireul's arrival, unlike several of the other Aspects, contained a bit more drama. The half-heard echo of a terrified scream accompanied the darkness folding in on itself as she appeared at his side, making her standing in his eyes just as clear as that of the woman she once might have murdered without a second thought. Her voice fit the occasion as she spoke to the assembled army, "Leliel, an abscess in His Grace's world may contain several thousand of His former kind. What we seek to do is recover what we can before that pocket of sorrows collapses and takes all it holds with it."

"It's…that way," the teenaged Aspect pointed. "I don't know what's in it, but I know what you're talking about. I didn't make that." Her eyes flicked to Shinji's, worry painting her face, "I promise, I didn't."

"I know," he motioned for calm. "The people that worked there, a few of them ignored my wife's warnings. They proceeded to cause an accident that happened in the timeline I'm from originally, which created something similar to what I met you in." Closing his eyes, he lowered his head, "I wish they had listened. A great many lives, even Rei's, might have been spared."

"We…uhm," Sahaquiel dry-washed her hands, "we can go there easily if…uhm…if it's just you. Well, not, not…."

 _Our sister means that you can entrust her with your spirit._ Sandalphon explained, settling on Sahaquiel's shoulder and rubbing the cyclopean giant's head. _Your physical frame will remain as it is, and those of us who are of less use in this will remain behind to breathe life into it as you act._

"Very limited use," Gaghiel bobbed. "Not many children there."

"Nor much cause for rain," Matarael rubbed his forelimbs together.

"None of you are of less use," Shinji held his hands out at chest level in protest. "I am blessed with many…friends," he smiled with a shrug, "because I cannot rightly call any of you children."

"When we enter the rift I may be of some use," Bardiel, now visible, proved out his prior assumptions. Pale yellowish-gray hair floated in beyond floor-length cascading waves from her, the only other visible portion of her being a face that could have been a beautiful, but animate, porcelain mask. Several tendrils of her being extended to spiral around the area, "Grasping those beings that still live, or should the worst have happened, their remains, I will be able to extract them all back into your Realm…given sufficient aid."

Ramiel pulsed, _Sachiel and I shall search for signs of life within this false prison, as haste is essential you will want those of us for whom speed is no barrier._ The first Angel Shinji fought nodded once in agreement, remaining silent as ever.

Shamshel's tendrils curled tightly, _I/We. Calm/Pacify. Stricken/Panicked. Survivors._

"I will be providing the cover of darkness," Lily combed her fingers through his hair as she spoke. "As dear Leliel will be busy maintaining a pathway between realms, I shall lend my talents to keeping our efforts unnoticed by those who might worry overmuch. I will, of course, require dear Ireul to coordinate everything from within the blight. Her…energies are more than enough to provide to our beloved."

"Ok then," Shinji thought through the plan several times, looking for flaws. "We go in, we find what we can, we bring them home. Survivors take priority, but _everyone_ comes home. These people may have been bad, they may have been good, they may have been both…their families still deserve to know their fate." His fists clenched, "You know your jobs, then. Let's be about them."

+++++ 13th Angel + 4: Thursday (84)

"Shinji doesn't know," Hikari snapped. Standing in her bedroom with her wife, her sister, and the woman that twice had been given responsibility for her husband, she was unamused that yet another day had been interrupted by outside forces. "There's never really a good time to tell him, and to be perfectly honest until you came in and wound him up we weren't sure telling him would really register. His emotions, as you might have noticed, have been in the 'off' position."

"Even if he did," Kodama shrugged, "he'd still not be thrilled to find out that Suzuhara was killed, regardless of the extent of his crimes. Let's be honest here, Hikari, the lie wasn't intended to hurt. It was an effort at limiting the fallout from a stressful conversation. Telling him now, telling him a few days from now, it doesn't make that little shit any less dead."

"Well, I know where he is now," Maya sighed. "He's at the Tower, laying down. Suzuka and Kaz-kun aren't letting anyone in. I doubt we'd be given access even if we tripped up there." Turning off her smartphone's screen, she pocketed the device, "He's safe. If anywhere can be considered safe."

"Small comfort," Hikari hugged her arms around her own waist. "He didn't come find me. Or you. He went to _work_."

"If you want, I can order Kaz-kun to step aside," Misato offered, her own emotions far from positive. "Won't help with Suzuka, but I can't imagine she'll try to harm all three of you."

"You don't know Suzuka," Kodama laughed without much amusement. "If Shinji told her to stop anyone from getting in the room we'd have to kill her to get past. You don't have that many men, ma'am. You don't have _half_ that many men."

 _Uhm,_ Gaghiel tumbled into existence by Maya's head. _Hello, Advisor. I was told to politely tell you that the Great One would like it if you politely passed along a message to someone you can trust._

 _Gaghiel-kun?_ Not taking her eyes from the ongoing conversation was hard, _What message?_

 _The Great One is going to enter the abscess in Creation in the place called 'Nevada' and attempt to recover those who may yet remain inside._ The Aspect of Fish looked at Misato with an odd expression, _I remember her._

"He what?!" Maya clapped her hands over her mouth, then ran out of the room. _Ohhhh crabapples._ Making it to the kitchen, she pulled a tall glass of water and began to drink to buy herself time to think as she saw the other three following after, _Talk fast, Gaghiel. What_ exactly _does he expect me to do?_

 _He needs you to tell someone to pick up the survivors. Someone you trust. He doesn't want them to go from a bad situation to a worse one, if they live._ The Aspect worried with his fins, _I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cause trouble, Advisor, I politely didn't._

"You're fine," she sighed. "I'll figure it out." A deep breath, followed by another, and she spoke before anyone else could, "Shinji is going to enter the remains of NERV-2 and attempt to extract the bodies. I don't know how, all I know is he's going to do it now. We need to move assets into place that we can trust to begin recovery operations." Her eyes speared Misato, "No. I won't tell you. No, it's not personal. You tell _anyone_ that he and I can speak like we do and I will spread nude photos of you globally." Pointing a finger at her boss, she leaned in, " _Globally_."

Misato frowned, ignoring the threat as inconsequential. Tactics had already begun to form, and the 'why' wasn't her concern. Her man was going to do something else stupid, something that would require a lot of energy, and she knew she couldn't stop him. That left supporting his decision. "We're going in. Hikari, Kodama, you're staying here to make sure that Team Rainbow stays safe. Maya, I want you to start calculating the most efficient ways to restore what he's about to expend. That lightning strike should have required six hundred thousand times the amount he'd eat in a day. This can't likely be less." Clapping her hands, she motioned everyone onwards, "Let's move, ladies. Our man is about to do something either idiotic or miraculous, and he needs us to back his play."

+++++ 13th Angel + 4: Thursday (84)

With all of the Aspects in place, and the journey over far faster than he'd thought possible, Shinji looked down on the domed and doomed Nevada base that had claimed so many lives. With Ireul on his left arm and Lily on his back, he found his right suddenly occupied with Rose, _Rose? You shouldn't be here. This could be seen as-_

 _I'm already dead if I go home,_ she cut him off. _Either I kill you, and let her reset everything, or my crew is expected to push the moon into your planet. I've locked out the engines, and shut down most of the crew. My clan has taken over everything that remains, and is keeping things from falling apart while we discuss whether I detonate the ship to buy you time or we reprogram everything to fight the likely Scion response._

 _…Thank you._ He now had no choice but to do the best he could to learn how to control his abilities. _I trust you to do what's best for your people, Rose. You are my partner, and if I can help I will…I just don't know how I can, unless I just let you kill me._

 _I'd never do that,_ [Static] _. I've begun to wonder if you aren't right. If there's not a way to balance everything, somehow. For now, though, I'm charting out places for us to hide. With the right work we can make a small planetoid habitable, and spare Humanity by just leaving this rock. Take whoever wants to leave with us, go find some place we can all learn how to live alongside one another, build a fleet._ The pink-skinned captain looked over to Lily, _There's no victory in repeating the same mistakes over and over again. We need to cooperate._

 _You should take her anchor, Lover. Let her come down and show you her sincerity._ The Night Mother's body hugged him close, _She has much to offer, and not just in bed._

 _Focus,_ Shinji chided Lily firmly. _I've given you affection, now it's time for us to…find what we can._

 _This hole feels…wrong,_ Leliel's distaste was evident. _False. Fake. Just gross._

 _Open the conduit, sister dear,_ Ireul's tone was firm. _The sooner we begin our task, the sooner we may return to our own comforts._

 _Three kisses?_ The teenaged Aspect looked at Shinji hopefully.

 _Four, if we find everyone,_ he knew he'd have to pay them off, and he knew himself well enough that he'd give in to her demands for more after even just the first. Better for him to use the motivation now and accept the enthusiasm later.

 _If we hurry, we might convince him to sleep with us again, sister,_ Bardiel dove down towards the tear in reality. _I am ready, bring us into the other realm._

The group as a whole descended after her, the Aspect of Night simply placing her hand out before her and opening a visible aperture for them to utilize. _I need to stay out here, to keep things open. Be careful, everyone. It can be easy to get lost._

 _That's why I came,_ Rose moved to the entrance and began to glow brightly. _I can change some of the blackbody radiation to a glowing beacon. It's harmless to the area in comparison to what this_ [Static] _is doing, at least._

 _Ireul, do not come back without him. I do not want to have to tear a hole in his planet recovering his spirit._ Lily floated off of Shinji's back, _I have obscured our presence, but I too must stay here to keep the shield up._

 _Everyone be safe,_ Shinji cautioned. _I count all of you as precious to me, I'm not looking to lose friends to save corpses. Do your best, but don't be reckless._

+++++ 13th Angel + 4: Thursday (84)

"Oh you're absolutely right," Ritsuko stood with her arms crossed looking up at the main screen, "you should completely trust the same scientists that _created_ the hole in reality that has consumed decades worth of valuable human advances over the scientists that specifically sent you warnings that you were about to _lose_ decades worth of valuable human advances. That sounds like the most logical thing to do, ma'am."

Currently facing the camera, and most clearly agitated at the way she was being spoken to, was a charmingly powerful mid-to-late aged woman, "We are attempting to limit the damage that might happen if this expands, Doctor Akagi. Sarcasm does not help anyone."

"Oh, I find it useful from time to time," Misato walked over, surprised that Ritsuko was already discussing what she'd come back to work to try and manage. "Usually when dealing with people too stubborn to listen to reason. What are we thinking about doing to decades worth of stuff?"

"They want to drop N-Two mines on Nevada," Ritsuko said with aplomb. "When Admiral Drake heard about the plan, he contacted us to see about advising our colleagues across the ocean about the sheer idiocy involved in that decision." Tapping the mute button, she leaned in and whispered to Misato, "Shinji's doing something, isn't he? They're panicking because the site has literally gone dark."

"It sounds like he is," Misato nodded. "He's asked for us to find people to stand by to recover anything he extracts. I think he might be hoping for survivors."

"Hope is stupid, and you need to explain that to him," the doctor smirked. Unmuting the channel, she smiled falsely, "I'm terribly sorry, I had to explain to my supervisor what would happen to those still inside of the Dirac Sea should you decide to waste non-nuclear bombs in a vain effort at closing one. Most of the global stockpile is now either being decommissioned here in Japan, or is resting at the bottom of the ocean waiting to be recovered after your country decided to relive the nineteen forties. You have nowhere near the explosive potential you need to even begin to dent the numbers you require. While it might play well with the idiot voters who want politicians that want to be 'action guys', it won't play very well when I explain how you wasted trillions of your dollars to every news channel globally. I'm _very_ talented at making science accessible to the average viewer. Don't push this."

The woman's eyes hardened, "I am not in the habit of taking threats from people who design weapons around child soldiers, Doctor."

"How about threats from women who've held those child soldiers as they cried?" Misato kept her tone friendly, "I'm sorry, I don't know that we've been introduced. My name is Misato Katsuragi, I'm the sub-commander of this installation. I've actually recently reviewed the papers both Doctor Akagi and Lieutenant Colonel Ikari wrote regarding not only the activation of an artificial Super Solenoid organ, but the potential for using explosive force to fracture the presence of a Dirac Sea, so I'm inclined to agree with their perspectives. To whom do I have the pleasure of speaking?"

"She's the Acting Secretary of Defense for the Americans," Ritsuko snorted.

"Oh, well good for you. Always good to see another woman succeed in life," Misato engaged her disarming smile. "You wouldn't happen to be interested in helping us with some projections that Lieutenant Colonel Ikari recently finished, would you? She believed this might be possible, and if her analysis is correct you might soon find yourself recovering the bodies of those personnel on base. Or, if we're lucky, some might still be alive. Though, of course, not if you drop an N-Two mine on them."

The woman leaned forward, "And she's basing this fortunately-timed analysis on what exactly?"

"Data recovered from Unit-01's recent excursion into a similar event," Misato spread her hands as she lied fluently. "Once she began speaking of false vacuums, the Casimir-Polder force, and the van der Waals force, I asked her to sum it up at a college education level for me. The long story made short is, she had an epiphany following a stray comment made by our Lead Pilot during a spaghetti dinner. She's currently in her lab, attempting to take advantage of the inspiration." Feeling Ritsuko's eyes on her, she knew she'd have to listen to a dissertation on how she used the wrong terms somehow.

"And His Grace?" The woman's manners only just hid the fact that she knew she was being played.

Misato's smile darkened, "Spending his free time assisting in the recovery of the daughter of the man your nation allowed to be tortured to death on your soil. He's not taken the loss of his fellow pilot well, but he's putting his mind towards positive ends rather than focusing on those things he can't change. I'm sure you understand, as someone responsible for leading warriors, that he needs some 'down time' right now."

Accepting the rebuke as fair, the American asked her question in a different way, "And so, I wouldn't, for example…find him somewhere near the Groom Lake salt flats?"

Violet hair swayed as she shook her head, "I assure you, if necessary I can walk to where he is right now and slap him without risking the dryness of my feet."

+++++ 13th Angel + 4: Thursday (84)

 _This is…terrible,_ looking around, Shinji found devastation everywhere his eyes fell. They'd located the epicenter of the explosion in short order, the corpse of Unit-04 torn in half by the violence of the action. That explosion, however, had been frozen in time a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of a second later. _Iri, can you see if the pilot's…._

Surrounding the Eva were dozens of corpses, carefully tugged free from where they were by the strands of Bardiel's hair. Shinji attempted to balance not dwelling over what couldn't be salvaged with remembering the number of dead. He had an accurate count of who had been reported missing or dead, and wanted to match that against those they recovered. A mismatch on the over-side could be just as meaningful as not being able to return someone at all.

The Aspect of Terror, unfazed by the gruesome scene, poked her head into where the pilot would typically sit, coming back with a shrug, _There's nothing in there. None of the lifeblood, nor a body._

 _And yet I have no idea if that's good or bad,_ he murmured. Floating over to someone who'd fallen into the LCL, he gestured to the indeterminate form, _This person seems intact. Can we see if taking them out…I don't know, restarts them?_

 _One thousand six hundred and twelve, one thousand six hundred and thirteen,_ Bardiel maintained her count. _Of course, Great One._ _One thousand six hundred and fourteen, one thousand six hundred and fifteen._ As the thick, cotton-like, strands of hair lifted the person free, it became obvious why they had fallen, and the Aspect of Fog reported failure, _My apologies, Great One. That is a fatal wound._

 _Yeah…yeah that is._ He sighed, _The explosive force must have outpaced the time freeze. I…I kind of wish Maya was here. She'd be able to at least quantify this for me._ Wincing, he shook his head, _No. No, I don't want Maya to see this. What's wrong with me?!_

 _This much devastation should have liquified those closest to the center,_ Ireul frowned in thought.

 _One thousand nine hundred and fifteen. It has, in a manner of speaking. Most of the bodies we are laying out do not maintain rigid cohesion once I expose them to their native environment. Lily, as you prefer we call her, is forming boundaries from the ground that has not been damaged. It will allow them to be identified using the sciences the Lilin have access to._ Bardiel paused, _Please, come this way._ A thick cord of hair shot over to dance before him, beckoning him away from the Eva.

Ireul took his arm, whispering, _Don't wander, Shinji. My aura only extends so far, and I haven't had my fill of you yet._

 _Of course, sorry,_ he nodded. Allowing the woman on his arm to set their direction and pace, he slowly became immune to tensing at each wall or door that they phased through…eventually. It was an odd method of traveling, but it certainly beat them having to take the twisting, labyrinthian, corridors that were apparently endemic to NERV facilities.

Picking out the small details that described what would be an imminent outward collapse was becoming easier on his eyes, the rifts and faults drawing a spider's web throughout every flat surface. Quickly his hope faded that there would be anyone left possibly alive. It wasn't as if he'd held a great deal of it on the way in, but the further out he went while still seeing the signs of devastation, the more his heart sank that he was doing little more than giving people a burial on Earth instead of within the quasi-static dimension they'd been frozen inside of.

The tendril shifted after they had reached a bunker on the far side of the compound from the epicenter, motioning towards a door, _In there is, I believe, the woman you remember. I will continue to move out those I can, once you are ready I will come to take her._ The voice carried a hint of sorrow, _I am sorry, Great One._

Ireul squeezed his arm, _I am here for you, Shinji. You do not face this alone._

 _All living things must one day die._ Staring at the door, he prepared himself to see another dead friend. _It is the purpose of life, ultimately, to give way for that which follows. The best we can hope for…the best_ I _can hope for is to have my death be meaningful. To serve some purpose greater than random chaos._

 _You will not perish, Shinji,_ Ireul soothed his chest. _I will not allow it._

 _We'll see…won't we?_ He looked over to her and swallowed, _I'm afraid._

 _That is understandable, when you consider your perspective._ Shifting before him, she walked backwards while holding his hand, _There is generally but one cure for trepidation, Your Grace. One must commit, and not allow it to hold sway. I am here, and all will be well._

+++++ 13th Angel + 4: Thursday (84)

"It's ok, Sakura-chan," Nozomi yawned, stretching as she settled under her covers. "Nii-san sometimes finds things he has to do right away. When he says he'll do something, he does it."

"I didn't upset him?" Clenching her toes, she began to enjoy the pain the act caused. That pain meant she was regaining feeling, and that had a magic all of its own, "You…you don't think I should have hugged him more?"

Nozomi rolled her eyes, "If you want hugs, ask for them, silly. I ask for hugs from him all the time, and he's very careful with me. If you don't want hugs, tell him. He's far more timid about beginning a hug with me than after I begin a hug with him."

Her voice grew quieter, "He's gentle?"

"Uh huh," Nozomi nodded sleepily, "I've only once seen him super mad. He had a super bad day, and Kodama-nee-san had just moved out, and he went downstairs to get mad at things he wouldn't hurt. But he hurt himself, like a big stupid head, and I had to calm him down with a big hug. He picked me up and kept me from being hurt, even though he was bleeding all over. If you want him to do something, ask him for it. He'll give you anything he can, Sakura-chan, unless it will hurt someone else."

"He…you're sure he doesn't hurt you?"

"He's never even raised his voice, even Daddy did that from time to time," Nozomi pried one eye open. "He does get disappointed though, and that's the super worst. Because I know I could have done better, and I have to make it up to him by trying super hard, and giving him a super big hug." She giggled, "He even let me give him a kiss once when I was super sorry for not doing better." The smile faded, and she scooted closer to take her best friend's hand, "He loves us, Sakura. He loves us in the purest way possible." The shift in her voice was confusing to the other little lady, "He's staying on Earth because of us. You're safe in his house, you're safe in his arms, and you're safe so long as he draws breath. I've seen him tear a building apart with his bare hands to save someone he loves, I've seen him sprint across the city to carry someone to safety, I've seen him get hit by a train to spare a woman who tried to kill him. When he says he loves you, that means he'll do anything you ask. Your brother was an idiot, a savage, and is nothing like the man you and I love. Now go to sleep, dream of Shinji singing you to sleep, and trust that when he gets home from this mission the first thing he'll do is apologize for missing dinner."

As Nozomi lapsed into unconsciousness, Sakura wondered at why her friend suddenly sounded so much like Hikari.

+++++ 13th Angel + 4: Thursday (84)

"Because, if I'm honest, it's not as easy as it seems," Hikari shrugged. "I love him, I will always love him, but there are times where I have to remind myself that I married a man that requires a great deal of patience and understanding. He'll bring me the moon if I ask for it, but he'll also forget that I'm perfectly capable of deciding that I'd like something that isn't intuitive to him, and he'll fight against giving it to me because the reason I want it is because it benefits him immensely."

"Like more people in your marriage?" Yang laid on her back, her legs upright against the wall, moving through her nightly exercise routine. "I get the feeling that he's not as enthusiastic as you are about things."

"He's afraid he won't be able to give everyone what they deserve," the lone married woman rolled her eyes. "He forgets…no, I don't think he's ever really believed that not only do others actively want to give things to him, but that he can be the target of others' kindnesses without having to 'earn' it. It's a work in progress, and I promise you I am working actively on it." Putting the last few brush strokes through Tsuru's hair, she sighed, "I know he's fine with us giving to each other. He endorses it, he encourages it, he'd be fine with everyone else being happy together without him!" Setting aside the brush, she hugged the future chemist around the neck from behind, "This is why I've been telling you both, if you want to have a chance you need to talk to him about it."

"Can I just say that it's truly bizarre hearing you actively endorsing other women flirting with your husband?" Yang rolled backwards onto her feet, twirling around to face the other two women and tilting her head, "I mean, I'm all for everyone being happy. But this conversation is just surreal. I mean, Natsuko-chan and Seika-chan would have to have been removed from him with a scalpel if they knew."

"It's only those women I approve of, and I never would have approved of them," Hikari raised her eyebrow, giving the leggy waitress a stern look. "I've discussed it with Maya, and she agrees that there will be certain times we'll need to…encourage Shinji to see reason."

"Because of this future thing," Yang ignored the glare. "I'm sorry, I know that Tsuru-chan saw stuff that can't be explained, but all I know for certain is that Shinji's a really great guy. I haven't _seen_ you doing the things she has, and that means that I'm not seeing things the way she is. It's a lot to take on faith."

"That's fair." Smiling when Tsuru risked a small kiss to her cheek, she turned and pressed a fuller version to the other woman's lips. Giving the affection the attention it deserved, she scrunched her nose cutely before continuing the conversation, "I can only see possibilities, Yang." Looking back to her other guest, she shook her head, "For me to prove it to you, you'd have to agree to act completely out of character around Shinji, intend to do it, carry through with it, and even then, there are a number of ways he can act in response. It would be simple for you to dismiss _anything_ I see as 'obvious'."

"The burdens of skepticism," Yang agreed. "I've seen Shinji move faster than a human should be capable of, so I can believe the things he does. It's not that I don't trust you, or believe you, I just don't want to get into the habit of operating on blind faith."

"You don't believe in things you can't see," Tsuru asked, clearly confused, "but you believe Shinji is capable of uniting the entire planet?"

"I believe Shinji has a ton of potential, a lot of powerful allies, access to powers that I can't make sense of, and a burning desire to be the best human he could be." Shrugging, she pointed off towards her restaurant, "Also, my Ma specifically told me that everything I'd heard about him was true. If he can convince my super-skeptic, committed secular, mother of something? I'll believe it on principle."

"The next Angel will be the strongest yet," Hikari flicked through the channels in her mind trying to find the one provable truth she could give to the skeptical waitress that would be proven true soon enough to be of any use. "He'll have two metal arms…." Her eyes widened, "No." Pulling out her phone, she quickly dialed Maya's number, "No, no, no."

+++++ 13th Angel + 4: Thursday (84)

Sitting on the bed before him was Idunn Haraldson. The way she glared at the door, and the manner in which he entered, made it seem as if he was the intended recipient of her ire. Locked in place, he couldn't move. He'd failed her. She died here, alone, trapped. Someone had locked her away, and he hadn't been there for her. He'd failed her where she'd succeeded in aiding him. She had helped him, when he needed it. She'd stormed the train with her team, she'd comforted him, she'd consoled him. She'd-

" _Shinji!_ " Ireul's voice startled him from stasis, both the volume and the fact that she'd spoken aloud. After his head snapped to look at her, she took his face in both hands and spoke with gentle affection, "She can't see you." Kissing him softly, she pulled him to the side, breaking the line of sight that had happened to exist by the whims of fate. "See?"

"We…we're talking?" Frowning, he looked around the room, "I'm sorry, I just…."

"No," she patted his chest, "don't apologize for being who you are." Approaching the redhead, she considered the woman for a moment, "She's a prisoner."

"Ireul, how are we talking out loud?" Joining her by Idunn's side, he timidly reached out to touch the tall Norwegian's face, "I'm confused."

"Because the explosion hasn't reached here," the Aspect pointed back to the door floridly. "The other side of that door, perhaps less than the span of one of your hairs away, is the pressure wave that destroyed nearly everything in its path. It was outpaced, just barely, by the expansion of the abscess. The air in here allowed me to shout, and so I did. To be honest, it's all a matter of your perspective. If you think we can, then we can." Pulling his hand back, she sighed, "You were standing there for several minutes, frozen. She must have been very dear to you."

"I…don't know exactly how I feel about her," he shrugged. "We started out…ok, I guess? When Lily twisted Ritsuko's mind, it was Idunn that saved me from…." He shook his head, "She then organized the people protecting my family. Stood up for me when I was badmouthing myself." Looking back down to Ireul, he admitted something he'd been denying, "She saw that I was sabotaging myself before anyone else did. That I was letting myself be pushed into being engaged, that as happy as I was, it had the potential to backfire on me like it has."

"Am I unwelcome?" Setting her head at a coquettish angle, she kept his hand between hers, "Does the Duke have too many Duchesses?"

"The 'Duke', if that's even what I am, doesn't have enough time in the day to spend an appropriate amount with even one of his wives," Shinji's eyes hardened. "It's a childish fancy, imagining that any one person is enough to give the love necessary to more than one other. If I had all the time in the world, I couldn't show you how I feel, Iri. If I can't manage it for you, for someone who is a part of my being, how can I manage it for Hikari, Maya, Kodama, Suzuka, et cetera, et cetera?"

The certitude with which he stated his love for her sent thrills along her skin, "Do you love them all?" It mattered little to her if he did or didn't, she could have years of his time over the course of a single catnap. Their time together was not solely measured while he was conscious, or aware.

"I do," he spat out the words like a curse. "How pathetic is that?" Turning back to Idunn, he tried to puzzle out her situation while he ranted, "The mighty Duke Ikari, lecherous pervert."

"Your wife is kissing the new woman," Ireul stated casually. "She flirts with those she wishes you to bring in. Do you consider her such a perverted individual?"

"I…." Shaking off the question, he touched Idunn's arms, "Is it possible that she might be alive?"

"Possible, though not if you move her through the door. She'd come into contact with the pressure wave. It would end poorly." Floating over, she sat down on Idunn's lap to force him to look at her, "So you will tolerate your wives' promiscuity, but deny it to yourself? Though you seem perfectly willing to compliment my, and I paraphrase, 'softness'."

"I'm not anything special," he ground out through clenched teeth. "The more people who love me, the more I can disappoint them." Scanning the room, he searched for another way to give Idunn a chance at life.

"Disappoint them, or yourself?" Ireul could see the war in his mind, the child she'd killed arguing with the child the world had killed. "Have you considered that perhaps you simply don't feel worthy of affection?"

The look he gave her was incredulous, "Worthy? I'm terrified of it; you should know that better than anyone."

"Selectively so, it seems," standing, she pushed him back to the wall. "You promise me affection, and yet you speak as if I should not expect to return it. You extend that affection to your mortal wives, and yet you deny it's return unless forced. You walk across the skies of your planet to save her," she flicked her head towards Idunn, "and yet…despite your interest in her heart you would beg her to run away from you."

"Iri, let me know when you get to the point." His anger was rising, the incompatible thoughts obvious even to him.

"You blame yourself for everything, take credit for nothing, encourage success in others while denying it to yourself," she stabbed him in the chest with a finger, "you're running away from making a decision. You could, right now, accept your wife's plans. Tell her that she can bring in any and every woman that would fit her designs. Allow her to give her best effort towards the future that makes you happy. Yet, instead, you insist that you can't be the man that everyone else sees you being."

"Iri-"

Floating up quickly to stare at him face to face, she glared a dagger at him, "Shut up and let us love you, you insufferable, soft-hearted, fool." Shoving him against the wall, she used force where reason had failed, "Do you think we won't love each other too? Do you think that you alone will be responsible for our sisterhood? I guarantee you, I will gleefully take the scientist to my chambers even if you are not there by her side. Your elder wife has such lovely fears, and she is delightfully formed. You view this as if you will be the only one giving, the only one receiving. You are smarter than this, and you need to get out of your own head."

His anger fractured, and the underlying fears came out unbidden, "…What if they stop needing me?"

Her own wrath cooled, the pleasure she gained from his finally admitting his true worry soothing everything, "Then they are doubly fools. I will swear in your very soul, Shinji Ikari, that I shall never leave your side if that is what it takes to convince you to relax and let everyone into your heart. You have surrounded yourself with a bounty of women that sing with terror, an inconceivable amount of pure joy just waiting for me to pull into myself." She shuddered with pleasure at the memory of her recent time with his dreams, "If my desire to see you quake with bliss is not enough, then trust self-interest."

"The vent," indicating the fixture with his chin, he indirectly asked for a few moments to attempt to digest her thoughts. "Is it big enough for her?"

"There's nothing behind this wall," giving him a knowing look, she accepted his pleas. "Sachiel would have no trouble destroying it. Stop thinking like a human, Shinji. You've not been one for years now."

"Why did Bardiel say she was sorry," her chastising remark was well earned, and he accepted that as she'd accepted his request for time. "She found the person I was looking for…is this just a wasted hope? Am I going to bring another corpse out?"

"Perhaps she knew that you would feel the pain of failure," Ireul slipped her upper half through the wall to verify the geography. When she came back, she turned and faced him with a shrug, "Perhaps she simply wished you to know that she understood your pain at watching thousands of dead be counted like so much cordwood. This does not sit easy on you, my love. You cannot hide that, not from yourself and not from us."

 _Sachiel._ Taking a breath, he reached for the calm Suzuka had helped him discover, "If this is how it ends for her…." Turning to the redheaded agent, he hugged her tight, "I am sorry for whatever I did, Idunn Haraldson. Please…understand that I never wanted to see you harmed." The wall behind her simply vanished, obliterated by the strength of the tides. Standing on the other side was the ancient colossus, considering him curiously. _Thank you. Even if this does nothing, at least we made the attempt._ Scooping up the woman he'd failed, Shinji moved carefully through the rubble, "Let's get everyone home."

+++++ Author's Notes:

TheHiddenLettuce: RE: Leliel's design.

I had thought about incorporating the zebra striping that was created by Leliel as she reflected the buildings surrounding the 'shadow', but ultimately it seemed to not fit well enough with the personality I'd constructed for her Aspected form. The thought had crossed my mind, though.

JaceSterne:

RE: Doctor _who_?

You are correct, in that Misato was referencing the 'fake' doctor and not the local credentialed polymath with increasingly less blonde hair. But only obliquely, as Misato is very aware that Asuka is receiving clinical data from somewhere and assumed that Asuka was conflating two or three people into a singular entity. She's _crazy_ , and crazy people do crazy things…right?

RE: Häschen

I'm glad someone picked up on that. I had a friend, lovely Bavarian lady, who almost knocked her American suitor out because he used the wrong term of endearment. _Where_ in a nation you are from affects the language's intent just as much as the tone of the language itself. I try very hard to throw in tidbits like that, even in English.

origamishishou:

RE: Tropes pages.

That site can be hazardous to visit. There is a great deal of incorrect information on many shows and books just begging to incite holy wars. I have my fun finding good examples of toying with tropes, and try to stay out of the editing trenches. Also, the page you've created is a good start! I eagerly await the full analysis of my fiction.

RE: Thought processes.

Everything, to me, is music. It's how I bridge the languages I've learned, and how I tend to 'hear' the world. Lyrics, time signatures, pacing, it's all musical in my brain.

RE: Character descriptions.

See below.

TripleF: RE: Reading Rainbow.

I encourage everyone to read more. There are whole worlds just waiting to be discovered, new modes of thinking and counterpoints to what you're familiar and comfortable with. Literacy improves us, promotes critical thinking, and stops us from being herded like sheep by the people that would take advantage of us. There is no hour spent with a book that is ever truly wasted.

+++++ Character descriptions.

Shinji: Started out slightly taller owing to the time-skip, somewhere around 164.5 cm. Filled out after being changed by Lilith, growing to 182 cm. As of posting he now stands at over 218 cm. Each Angel he defeats adds to his physical size, the external growth accommodating the power he gains by absorbing their waveform. Though his skin is so pale as to be like snow, he is imposing to look at, an athletic powerhouse in his prime. (For a comparison, his body started out looking like a pale C.M. Punk after he was altered by Lilith. Right now, he's more of a pale Brock Lesnar.) Heterochromia iridis. The left eye is darkening, each physical trauma clouding its clarity as the darkness within him is mirrored in the surface wounds that never heal fully. The right has stayed as the clear blue shown in the canon original series, bolstered by the love those women have for him. Both, however, will show his emotions clearly. His face remains "frowny", but his gaze can't hide how he's feeling for the life of him. Shock white hair, growing longer with each Angel he defeats. He typically keeps it in a ponytail, decorated and braided by one of the women he lives with. He thinks it looks ridiculous, but he keeps it to himself because it makes them happy. Given his preferences, he now chooses to wear collarless shirts with long sleeves, in an effort to hide his scars. Professional-cut slacks, out of habit, though ones that are of much softer materials than he traditionally wore. 'Paladin', so named by Raffle. His Grace Shinji Ikari, The Duke of Chūbu, first of his name, Paladin of the Realm, Acting Regent and Devoted Protector of Old Hakone and its Environs.

Hikari: Hazel (green/brown), almond shaped, eyes, increasingly long hair which remains the same canonical color. She now prefers to keep her hair longer, as it's what Shinji first complimented, and it has gone from being frizzy to more straight as the weight of the length has pulled on it. Most often she'll wear a single headband to keep it out of her face, often in a color that stands as cross-complementary to whatever Shinji's wearing that day. Smells of lavender. At the start of the story, she's around 144 cm, however she does actually hit another major growth spurt and reaches 157 cm by the time of posting. Her body is not "curvaceous", but she has grown to be very shapely. Neither overly endowed like Kodama, Misato, or Ritsuko, nor less busty like Maya or Yang, her curves grant definition to her form without any specific point being the feature that draws all of the attention. She does have freckles that grow more prominent when she's out in the sun for a time, and with her naturally darker skin she's a much healthier golden tan than her husband's albino pale. She wears a variety of outfits, depending on who she's going out and about with. With Maya, she wears t-shirts and shorts. With Shinji, she'll wear a great deal of denim or cotton. Sundresses, coveralls, things of that nature to try and encourage him to 'dress down' and relax. Named 'Light' by Raffle. The name, of course, being a pun.

Kodama: Grey/Green eyes, the same shape as Hikari's, with shoulder-length hair again of a near-match to Hikari's coloration. Her skin tone matches, though she lacks the freckles that her younger sister has. Her body, however, is much more generously proportioned. She's 'fit', but both naturally buxom and curvaceous. Taller than Hikari by three or four centimeters, she'll actually end up shorter than her once Hikari's done growing. Smells of honey. Often wears a dolphin hairclip that Shinji purchased for her. Her favorite lounging around the house outfit is a long t-shirt able to fit Shinji, and a thong. She's extremely comfortable in her body, and not shy at all about showing off. With her work as a nurse, however, most of her clothing that she wears when out and about is practical, things that won't become tangled if she has to act to save lives.

Nozomi: Brownish Grey eyes, of a similar shape to her sisters. Similar skin color, her hair is kept shorter to help her learn how to properly care for it before she's allowed to grow it out and risk getting everything she comes into contact with in it. She shows signs of freckles here and there, but doesn't have them to the extent Hikari does. Standing at about 120 cm, she's short for her age. Preferring shorts and tank-tops, she wears what won't get in her way as she bounds about the world bringing light and joy wherever she goes.

Maya: Grey eyes with more of a round cast to them than Hikari. Her hair was in a bob cut, though she's growing it out now that she's married. Smells of cinnamon and vanilla. She's a touch above pettanko, but isn't bothered by what she has normally. Does, however, take pride in the exercises she does that provides her with not only shapely legs but the rear attributes that she knows draws looks from both of her spouses. Having reached her full adult height at 142 cm, she's shorter than either of her spouses (Shinji by a significant margin), but is appropriately proportioned neither being dwarven nor elven in appearance. Her flexibility shows in her body mass, having a gymnast's build without the extreme muscular growth common in the sport. If she's not in her uniform, she's usually in whatever doesn't cause her to feel extremely warm.

Ritsuko: She looks like her canon counterpart, with the later story difference of her hair no longer being dyed. She gave up the blonde, seeing it as a mark of her shame with her actions during Jet Alone, and is growing it out to the natural color. Smells of sandalwood. Gave up smoking, and has gained the health benefits related to that.

Misato: She looks like her canon counterpart. Has cut back on the drinking as she's risen in responsibilities, and has lost weight because of that.

Rei: She looks like a slightly older version of her canon counterpart. The final growth spurt didn't add much height, and filled out her frame a touch.

Asuka: She looks like a slightly older version of her canon counterpart. 152 cm tall, filled out proportionately.

Noelle 'Raffle' Minders: A Euro-Mutt, she looks like a woman that hails from the British Isles with moderate French influences. Smooth, rounded, features with specific sharp angles around the chin and cheekbones. A bright, golden blonde, she stands of a height with Maya but has a much more muscular build owing to her more combat-facing profession. This does not mean that she lacks physical charms, but she does not have extremely 'feminine' curves. Her bust is larger than people think at first glance, but she wears uniforms and outfits that hide it so as to remain 'one of the guys'. Smells of heather and engine oil. Her eyes are similar in color to Shinji's darker eye, and have a clarity to them that mirrors her drive and motivation. Her hair, when down, reaches to her broad shoulder blades, but is typically drawn up to remain in uniform and professional. The one time that she wasn't in 'rough and ready' clothing was the dress she wore to Ogawa, the cut and shape of which fit her athletic figure wonderfully but the impression it left on the women present was that she truly never seems 'like a woman'.

Suzuka: Smells of wisteria. Looks just like her canon counterpart in Outlaw Star. As this is less 'futuristic Western' and more 'futuristic Lovecraftian Mecha', she wears traditional Japanese clothing in a number of cuts and colors.

Suzuki: Similar build to Gendo Ikari, with more physical strength evident and scarring. Dark black hair cut with a part.

Gen: Like a bald Ma Dong-seok, with a slightly less rounded face.

Nanako: Just as cute as in P4, but older and less innocent seeming.

Shinsuke 'Feelgood' Moritama: Looks more or less like Nagano Makoto. (The gent from SASUKE, one of four people to complete the course.) Laid-back, but very paternal to the people under his command.

Idunn Haraldson: A true redhead, it is her one point of vanity as a woman. Long, thick, and wavy, she wears three hairbands to keep it in place, one at the back of her skull to form the tail, another midway down the length, and another towards the terminus to keep it gathered and out of her way. If unbound, it would probably reach to her mid-back. Her eyes are a mixture of blue and green, depending on how her irises have irised, and show the struggles she's seen in her life. Slim, but not slender, she stands at 195 cm and is capably muscled. Closer to Hikari in shape, she loses much of the feminine definition owing to the added height. With milk-pale skin, her features are distinctly Norwegian. Equally proficient with a sidearm and a knife, she moves with a deadly purpose if given the proper motivation.

Thor 'Vidar' Haraldson: Towheaded, silent, VTOL pilot. Stands at around 198 cm, and is well-muscled. Think 'useful' not 'show' muscles. Keeps his hair within military regulation, barely.

Yang Xu: Darker skinned Taiwanese-Cantonese by heritage with bright, clear eyes, she has a rounder face without being moon-faced. Her black hair is wavy and full of energy, much like the woman who owns it, and flows in a swept-back style. Most distinctly a pettanko, she cares little if people think less of her for it. With well-sculpted legs from a lifetime of working in a profession that doesn't allow her to sit down for long, she knows what assets she has and uses them as she feels appropriate. Only one centimeter shorter than Hikari, she's much more slender of frame. Not skeletal, but certainly someone people would ask if she was being fed properly. Her natural motor keeps her weight down, as sitting still for long bothers her tremendously. She, like Shinji, wears her emotions on her sleeve. However, unlike Shinji, she's extremely capable of lying about her emotions to others if she wants to. This makes it hard to trust her smile, once you get to know her well enough.

Xuefan Xu: "Big boned" she's just short of being overweight, but beneath the light application of fat is hard muscle from a lifetime of work. The powerful matriarch of the Blue Crane keeps her hair cut shorter than her daughter, projecting a business-like manner to her guests. The similar round face shows where her daughter came by it, but her extra weight pushes her much closer to the moon-faced appearance Yang lacks. The other, major, difference between the two is that Xuefan is amply endowed, a trait her daughter did not inherit.

Tsuru Mitsuishi: Seafoam green eyes reside within a face that would be described as exemplary of the Nadeshiko ideal. Reserved and to a degree stoic, she hides her powerful emotions behind a lifetime of practice, in order to not hurt her younger sister who is extremely sensitive to extreme displays of extreme emotions (extreme). Naturally dark, straight, hair that she only keeps around because her little sister adores it. She is, by any measure, beautifully built. Balanced measurements amplified by musculature developed from long years helping at her family's farm in Ogawa, she stands a graceful (but not elegant) 159 cm.

Moriko "Mushroom" Mitsuishi: A much younger version of Tsuru, with very short hair, pale skin, and a frail body.

Rina/Hina Miyamura: The twin corpsmen are extremely vulpine in appearance. Sharp, angular, features that hint at a trickster's heart, they are prone to hamming up any emotions they feel while enjoying their ability to perfectly synchronize their actions with one another. Slender, but larger than they appear, they keep their hair 'neat' and their nails sharp.

Kaz: A bear of a man, his muscles have muscles. Truly masculine in appearance, he works out as a way to vent his anger at all of the pain and misery he's witnessed in his profession. This has had the unfortunate side effect of either scaring off the men he's tried to date, or intimidating others from approaching him. This causes him to have a perpetually lonely cast to his eyes, and only feeds the anger inside of his heart.

Green: Stereotypical American Hippy, he's reedy, slim, but solidly muscled. His dirty brown/blonde hair is typically a mess, but he doesn't care so long as it doesn't get in his eyes while he's practicing medicine. Bright, but slightly unfocused, eyes see through people's shells as they look off to the future.

Temple: Older, in her late fifties, she's easily mistaken for a man owing to her blocky body type. More gray than black hair frames a weathered, tired, face. She's seen enough for thirty lifetimes and remembers it all owing to an eidetic memory.

General Philip Benoit V: Stocky, with a frame that sags with age but shows a lifetime of exercise, he keeps his hair perfectly within regulation and his moustache immaculately trim. Late sixties, fully gray. Roman-influenced French features, and a bearing of pride in his service and his people.

Jake: Built like a linebacker, looks like an all-American blonde Texan farm boy.

Nicolette: Pixie-like, dancer's, build with dirty-blonde hair. Firmly feminine at the bust, though not as impressive as even Hikari, with an in-story recognized phenomenal rear, she's pint-sized at 144 cm but full of life and energy. Her stage-perfect smile can easily charm anyone, save for the one person she truly wanted to charm.

Mikoto: Lanky hair, lanky body. A scarecrow's physique and dark, sunken, eyes combine to make her not traditionally physically appealing, but a sharp wit and endless loyalty to those who earn it combine to make her much more attractive than first glance would show. She has a tendency to poke fun at those she's truly fond of, which manifests in an almost perpetual smirk around her friends.

Akane: Tall for a woman, with darker skin than Hikari owing to a youth perpetually farming with her family. Her dark hair contrasts her bright eyes, with farm-girl cheeks and a perpetually amused grin. She's whipcord lean, but not frail or fragile.

Admiral Drake: More or less like the Admiral of the Fleet from canon, only less like a chunky boy.

Admiral Lazarev: Admiral Gloval from Robotech, only Russian and thicker of frame.

Kelly Chambers: Canon from Mass Effect 2, taller than Kodama, shorter than Idunn.

Sakura Suzuhara: Medium skin, sharp, angular features, dark black hair that's usually drawn back with a ribbon. Physically diminished owing to her canonical injury, she's slightly older, but slightly smaller than Nozomi. Her eyes hold a great deal of sadness, which is not natural to her character. When amused, distracted, or engaged the sadness fades as she's no longer focused on it. Her smile, when present, is just as heart-warming as her best friend and leader's.

Yasuji Suzuhara: A grown-up version of Toji, roughly 177 cm tall. Lean, with hints of athleticism.

Captain Kiyomi Honda: Think Kiyomi Takada from Death Note, just with more muscle mass.

Dark/Rose: Skin color is roughly #FF66CC that turns bluish when she blushes, with two silver-white bramble designs ("…the wind catching tall grass in the morning sun.") that are mirror images of each other on her cheeks, with the tails of the brambles trailing down her neck, over her chest and terminating around her navel. Paler pink shoulder length hair, wispy but not thin, pulled back into a loose tail. As tall as Hikari, more full in the chest but thinner at the hips and back. Deceptively powerful, owing to alien physiology. Her eyes are a violet shade, slightly larger than is natural on humans, and reflective like a cat's are in the dark. She comes from a desert planet, and so her species is largely nocturnal in their native environment meaning she needs less light to see by, but is more easily blinded by daytime unless she wears sunglasses of some form.

Adam/Not-Shinji: Looks like canon Shinji, at least the way he chooses to appear to Shinji-Shinji.

Lilith/Nyx/Lily: Looks like canon Rei, with paler (if you can believe that) skin the color of moonlight and hair that is so dark as to absorb all light it touches. Her lips are a rosy pink, and her eyes are full of cunning. Fuller of breast and hip, intentionally so, she is fed by being the object of lust and desires to create it whenever she interacts with anyone.

Sachiel: A colossal being of vast power, he looks similar to the way he did as an Angel, only with larger, thicker limbs.

Shamshel: They have shrunk significantly, standing only slightly larger than Shinji. The 'helm' of the upright form has become more of a hood, the red orb replaced with an androgynous face of constantly shifting dimensions and features. The limbs are no longer purplish, now glowing golden. The body now seems more robe-like, but the dimensions of the body underneath are nebulous.

Ramiel: Still a polyhedron, though now the pieces can shift and separate if he chooses.

Gaghiel: Looks more or less like a manta ray with eyes. (Think Forneus from SMT: Nocturne, just less menace and more 'derp'.) Prefers that shape as he can shrink down and not be so large around Shinji and Maya.

Israfel Alpha (Golden)/Israfel Beta (Silver): No longer needing to engage in combat, they've taken on much more feminine forms. Still vague, after a fashion, but very humanoid. Their hands each have three main fingers and a thumb, set similar to the foot of a chicken on the limb. Their shoulders are no longer a complete arc from hand to hand, with a defined neck and head. Their coloration, however, remained. Alpha is completely golden, Beta is completely silver. Their bodies are, in line with their Aspect, reminiscent of ballerinas. Long graceful limbs, fluid, purposeful movements. Their hips are offset from a narrow waist retaining the posture they held as Angels while becoming more feminine as Aspects.

Sandalphon: He looks less like a shrimp, and more like a flying fish with long prehensile fins.

Matarael: A small-bodied water strider with only four limbs. Capable of balancing on his rear legs without problems, the forelegs act as arms and hands.

Sahaquiel: Manako from Monster Musume, with sky blue hair and sky blue eyes, both of which change depending on the color of the sky at the time of day wherever she's standing on the planet. She is _not_ overtly 'feminine', she looks much more like an evenly proportioned enormous female child. Capable of growing to the point where her head touches the boundary of outer space, but she has difficulties shrinking down to 'human' sizes. Her preferred clothing is a flowing mermaid dress with a constantly shifting cloudy sky depicted on it.

Ireul: (Went with the canon spelling of her name, as irritating as it is.) Since she infected a clone of Rei, she is proportioned exactly like Rei is in this timeline. However, her skin and hair are much different colors. If you take a picture of Rei and switch the RGB channels to negative, you come out with her coloration. Dark blue, near to black skin. Dirty blonde to tan hair, blackish sclera with a pale blue iris and white pupil. Where the clone had been infected, covering a significant portion of the left side of her face, there is nothing but featureless skin. She lacks a left eye, and a left ear, though her hair covers over the latter. That patch is of a lighter hue than the rest. She prefers to wear evening gowns, things that might be seen at 'high society' functions in the West, though if she's dressing for Shinji's eyes alone she'll dress down and wear something he'd find charming, such as sun dresses or simple skirts and blouses.

Leliel: Looks similar to Ireul, only with more sunken and skeletal features. Her ill-kept skin is the color of Ireul's hair, her extremely long and unkempt hair the color of Ireul's skin, with black sclera and golden/yellow/tan eyes. Her hair, however, contains a small amount of points of light that appear as stars in the night sky. This is a more recent affectation as a way to draw Shinji's attention. Once Shinji has finished combing said hair, she messes it up again so that he has to do it all over so that she can receive more attention.

Bardiel: A porcelain mask that is painted subtly to accentuate the eyebrows, cheeks, and lips. Her eyes are empty, and when she opens her mouth no teeth, gums, or tongue are visible. The mask itself is animate, moving as any normal face might when she speaks, however otherwise it is settled in an indecipherable expression that could be amusement, or could be contempt. Her body is covered with pale yellowing gray hair akin to a Yomotsu-Shikome from SMT: Nocturne. The hair is thicker, hiding her actual body, and prehensile. Her skin is grey and cold, resembling marbled stone though it feels like touching a foggy cloud, little of it is visible except around Shinji alone.


	99. Chapter 99

+++++ 13th Angel + 4: Thursday (84)

"Commander, if you could characterize in as few words as possible what he is doing, it would help me immensely," the Assistant Secretary General for Evangelion Affairs was not upset, though she certainly wasn't far from it. "You have shown me video evidence that he is in your hospital. Yet, they claim, he is also operating in the American state of Nevada?"

"He's affecting an evacuation of NERV-Two, Madame Secretary," Admiral Drake had called in a number of favors, and was just as guilty of the outcome as anyone. "I have solid intelligence from the Marines sent in from San Diego Naval Station that the local forces were attempting a coverup. They only managed to burn a few dozen bodies, and none of the living that were deposited inside of the dome of darkness he's using as a cover."

"The same Marines that just killed any contrarian witnesses," the American Secretary of Defense sighed. "That's not a great look, Sam. Was there a reason you didn't just call me? I might have managed this without risking another flareup in the Southwest."

"The local forces opened fire first, Betty. The forces _you_ declared were loyal," the Naval officer wasn't concerned about the lives of people who clearly were still devoted to SEELE. "Those jarheads identified themselves, twice, and sent appropriate counter-identifications when challenged. They were fired upon; they eliminated the threat. We waited much longer, we risked losing valuable intelligence. We risked not being able to send bodies to American citizens who deserve to know the fate of their loved ones."

"We risked the peacekeepers murdering the living that Shinji is pulling out of the Dirac Sea," Kozo coughed, emphasizing what he considered to be the more important point. "The victims are unconscious, but those Marines are doing their best to buy time until medical support and reinforcements can arrive."

"And it would be a shame if those reinforcements engaged in hostilities," the German stated with aggressive casualness as she eyed the retired General. Returning her gaze to Kozo, she leaned forward, "How, Commander, is His Grace doing this from a hospital bed in Japan? You must understand that I will not be the only one curious about the potential for misuse. If he can invade a nation an ocean away, he can invade a nation far closer. Help me soothe fears."

"Unless another nation creates a Dirac Sea, it's unlikely he'll be able to do anything of the sort, Madame Secretary," Kozo's lie was as smooth as any Gendo Ikari had managed in the long years of his tenure as Commander. "You see, during his battle with the Twelfth Angel…."

+++++ 13th Angel + 4: Thursday (84)

"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph," Jake scrubbed at his head, watching the live feed from Nevada. "He's doing it. The son of a bitch is _actually_ doing it."

"That's a lot of dead," Nicolette said into her fist. Concern and anxiety crawled along her skin, but underneath it all was a glowing ember of hope. For every four corpses, one potentially live body was discovered as it slid free of the umbral dome. "So many…and he's seeing them all."

"He's tough," Akane insisted. "We just need to make sure he gets some time to decompress. Talk, drink, something."

Mikoto sniffled, the tail end of the flu still beating her down, "What do you get to thank the man who has everything?"

"All the stars in the sky, agent," Philip's voice was steady, his body still. He was not a child, and would not bounce like several of his agents were. Each of them wanted nothing more than to be on that scene. The urge to help, to do something, was a large part of his recruiting requirements. If they didn't want to save lives, they had no place on his team. These were not the lawyers, the paper pushers, the hard-nosed detectives. These were the human arm of the IGC, and they did not do 'idle' well. "I'd offer him my daughter, had I one to give."

"You have more than a few, sir," Jake kept himself from bouncing, but couldn't stop himself from wringing the bar atop the back of the chair he was standing behind. "Though ordering them to do that might be something of an issue."

"I'm not ashamed to say I'd murder the first person who filed a complaint on my behalf." The pixie-like blonde had accepted Jake as a lost cause, and was simply happy that he wasn't the kind of man to either make someone feel uncomfortable for how they felt or act weird after the truth was out. He was an asset in protecting Shinji's most vulnerable family members, and she'd not ask for anyone else in that duty. "He's a great… _is that?!_ "

"Dieu merci…." The elder officer saw two of the Marines begin moving Idunn's body towards where they'd gathered the living, and hurried over to the room's phone. Dialing the bridge, he began the process of arranging protective custody for the one woman he could trust to give him the truth of what happened. The daughter he never thought he'd see again.

It might have been in bad taste for the agents present to begin cheering in a variety of languages, facing so many thousand dead as they were, but the small mercy they had been granted in seeing one of their own returned to them alive was a reason for celebration. They were, after all, only human.

+++++ 13th Angel + 5: Friday (85)

"How much have you been hiding?" Misato stood with Maya in her lab, "I'm…upset, sure, but I can understand why you haven't exactly been telling us everything. Even aside from the potential for misuse, there's the fact that NERV doesn't have a sterling track record of trusting its employees with the information they need."

"A lot, Misato. I've been hiding a great deal, and all of it to protect Shinji and Hikari." Maya wanted to trust the woman before her, but caution stayed her hand, "Thank you for trusting me. I promise, as soon as I have permission I'll tell you. Or they will. The ability to speak with my husband mentally is small apples compared to some of the other matters, and I won't break their confidence."

Breathing out heavily through pursed lips, the sub-commander was told to shut up by the woman who'd watched as Shinji fought through near death repeatedly to save the day. "His secrets are coming out; the higher ups know that this was him today. There's nothing I can do about that, but I can at least try to muddy how Hikari knew the peacekeepers on site were loyal to someone other than humanity." She smirked, "Never thought I'd thank the US Marines."

"This entire world's gone mad," Maya laughed. "China cooperating with the US to attack Japan? It's apparently true what they say about history moving in circles."

"More like a spring," Misato described one in the air before her with a finger. "It hits the same lines as it moves forward, but things do change…just slowly." Hugging the smaller woman before her, she whispered, "Permission to kiss your husband when we see him? He deserves the biggest apology I can ever give him."

"I've told you before, Misato. I'm not his keeper," returning the hug she took the warmth with the thrill. "Just know that if he kisses you, we reserve the right to do the same."

Shifting back some, the violet-haired warrior looked musingly down into Maya's eyes, "After the way things have gone…I might just be up for some hard work."

+++++ 13th Angel + 5: Friday (85)

The first thing that Shinji felt as he rejoined his physical shell was excruciating, unyielding, agony. A tormented cry was out of his mouth before he could swallow it, and that brought both Kaz and Suzuka running into the room. It was, to him, as if his entire body had lost proper circulation, and the sudden restart of physical sensation as it was restored was worse than anything he'd yet experienced inside of the Eva. By the tinny buzzing in his ears he knew the corpsman was asking him questions, but he couldn't logically process what was being spoken as language.

What felt like a torturous hour was closer to three tense minutes while he took staccato breaths and whimpered with his eyes screwed shut. It did not cut a heroic figure, and he didn't care at all. As the pain lessened, and his breathing stabilized, he made out the tail end of a statement and reached out to take Suzuka's wrist, "N-no."

"Dear heart, they should know you are awake." The swordswoman's duties were to him, but she also did not wish to unduly stress the other women in the household. "They will want to see you."

"N-not n-now," his arm spasmed, an action that might have harmed anybody but the willowy warrior. "C-c-control…b-bad."

"That matches with the profile, ma'am," Kaz felt Shinji's forehead, not liking the intense sweating from the normally stoic pilot. "If his body isn't taking whatever he did well, he might not be able to stop himself from hurting someone. You'd be fine, all things considered, but risking anyone else isn't the best idea." Looking down at his patient, he held up a finger, "Just the basic diagnostics, Paladin. I'd give you something for the pain, but I'm not sure what good it would do anymore."

"I'm f-fine," he tracked the fingertip with his eyes, familiar with the tests. "J-just n-need a m-m-moment."

Landing nearby, Rose lightly touched Shinji's arm to avoid giving any physical signs of her presence, _We pushed our luck,_ [Static]. _You should not have stayed as long as you did._

 _Needed…to be sure,_ he clenched his eyes as his body continued readjustments. _Not leaving anyone behind._

Temple walked into the room with a syringe and a bottle of medication he couldn't identify, "So, was it worth it?"

Holding his left arm as still as he could, he lolled his head over to nod at the senior corpsman, "S-saved l-l-lives."

"And that's what you do, Paladin," the woman's irritation was layered with respect. "That is what you do." Jabbing the liquid into his arm directly, she gestured to the nearby cabinet, "Grab a pair of the green bags, ma'am. We're going to run two into him, he's sweating way too much. Need to get some calories and liquids in him before he dehydrates much more." Flipping the cap back onto the sharp end of the needle, she accepted one of the sacs of fluid, "Kaz, run one on that side once you're done with the vitals."

"Yes ma'am." The powerfully built man gripped Shinji's shoulder and grinned down at him, "Does it hurt anywhere specifically, or is this just one of those things?"

"W-went s-s-somewhere," Shinji tried to explain. "C-came b-b-b-back, hurt."

"Gave him the first course of a general analgesic," Temple worked on running the I.V. into his arm. "Another fifteen, we'll give him something to thin the blood once we have these liquids running." Flicking her chin towards the cabinet, she continued directing traffic, "Scissors, second drawer right side. Get these clothes off him. Cut the shirt, everything else can be removed by hand."

"W-we d-d-did it," he chuckled, the shot in the arm providing some small relief from the worst of the pain. Bemusement entered his mind as he watched Suzuka frantically strip him in front of witnesses, "Saved…."

 _Final tally, six hundred and sixteen people._ Rose kept up with the gentle caresses, _We found everyone we could, I promise. Once that expanse began to collapse in on itself, we couldn't risk staying any longer._

 _There were more than three thousand, were there not?_ Suzuka worried that his guilt would resurface, the triumphant, if tired, smile on his face a balm after the evening they'd had.

 _We…brought them all home._ The ship's captain clarified for the woman that hadn't been present, _Three thousand two hundred and fifty six bodies…a little more than six hundred of which with a pulse._

"Line's in." Kaz set the drip rate, then began cleaning up the waste, "What else are we putting in him?"

 _Food,_ Rose urged Suzuka to speak up. _The Aspects are spent, and he's burning his own organs for nutrients. This was idiocy from start to finish, but heroism usually is. It won't do much to dent the less physical power requirements, but it will stop his body from harming himself._

"He needs food," Suzuka spoke for the woman who could not. "As much as we can feed him."

Kaz waited long enough for Temple to nod, then began digging through the fridge for those items that were densest with calories, "I'll give you a few things, ma'am, you feed him by hand. I'll run down to the cafeteria and have them make something better than what we've got. Heavy meats, tofu, fish…things like that." Pushing a rolling instrument cart over with what he thought best, he then wasted no time in running out of the room.

"This something we might have helped with, Paladin?" Temple would never directly chastise him, it wasn't her job. But she would make certain that he knew he'd made a mistake if he'd made it. People couldn't learn if you didn't help them see the errors they made.

With a spoon pushing nutrients into him as fast as he could swallow, he twitched his hand to use sign, receiving another rebuke from all three women present, _I can't answer her question like this._

Without slowing her motions, Suzuka asked a leading question, "Doctor-client privilege means that anything he tells you is confidential so long as it does not risk his health, or his status as a pilot, correct?"

"It does. What I put in his record is generally edited for usefulness. The unofficial records hold everything I have, but those are paper copies that only I see, and only I know where they are." The old professional could read between the lines, "We're safe here. Had those sailors tear the whole room apart looking for the damn microphones and cameras. They found thirteen in places that I've already raised hell over."

"Speak through me, dear heart." She saw no duplicity in Temple, and agreed whole-heartedly with her aims.

Shinji was far too used to secrecy, _Suzi_ -

"Don't you 'Suzi' me, you soft-hearted fool," the vehement anger behind the statement did not match the tenderness of her feeding him. "Might we have included these healers in our efforts this night? Could their medicines and crafts have given you more time to succeed? I am sworn, in both heart and honor, to obey your commands, but if you had slowed yourself down enough to ask for professional advice might I not have risked the man I love? Hmm?" Leaving the spoon in his mouth for a second longer, she glared at him hard, "Hmm?"

 _Is my heart really that soft?_ He caught sight of Rose nodding with a shrug. _I don't know what they could have done._

"No, you do not know what they might have done. You are correct," pushing more food into him, she looked over to the clearly amused doctor, "now he shows wisdom. He travels to the other end of the world, enters a dimension not suited for humans, pulls over two thousand fallen, and over six hundred living, out of that dimension, all while consuming not only his own life energy but that of those spirits sworn to his service. And now, as he lies here with his body eating itself to cling to life, he begins to realize that medicine has advanced past leeches and knives."

"Hmm." Temple's lips quirked as she considered the problem, "On a normal human, we'd have run the same drips we are now. They've got supplements that work well enough. You're certain that he's malnourished? I'm guessing you have a way to see it?"

"She does," Suzuka tipped her head towards Rose. "Though you cannot see her. She can more easily see the causes of his woes, and it is by her advice that I recommended food."

 _He digests faster, and…well, since we're speaking medically he doesn't produce much waste. What you're putting in him won't ever leave the system, everything is broken down and used._ The pink-skinned captain ran her hand along his chest, _Wasted elements will be excreted, things he shouldn't have in him like radioactive materials, but it doesn't happen often. His body is rather well-designed. Lily thought of everything._

After Shinji's force-feeding companion translated, Temple shook her head, "Which explains the difficulty in getting samples from you, and why even cathetering you isn't terribly effective." Looking up at the clock, she pulled out the next syringe, "I'm practicing medicine blind here, and that's as irritating as it is exhilarating. I know there are entire colleges that would beg for a chance to examine you, and I can't deny the allure of discovering a way to help mankind by finding a way to replicate what you can do."

Kaz came trotting back in with a large tray stacked with what he could grab, "They're making more. Got what I could." Setting his bounty out for Suzuka, he grimaced, "Though I kind of gave away that he was awake. Hard to hide a sudden need for enough food to feed twenty people."

Making bite-sized morsels, the willowy warrior pushed the first bit into Shinji's mouth, "You have calmed. Might we not at least let your wife know you are awake and aware?" _Dear heart, she is beside herself with grief, and even those six hundred were more than she thought possible to save. Let her share her joy with you._

 _…So long as you stay,_ he reached over and set his hand on her hip. _I'm…I'm worried that…._

 _I will never leave your side, should you desire it,_ Suzuka placed another bite in his mouth before bending down to kiss him gently. Righting herself, she continued the assault on Shinji's stomach, "Might I trouble you to spread word of his status, Kaz-kun? He is accepting visitors, though they ought remember he is recovering at the moment."

+++++ 13th Angel + 5: Friday (85)

"I'm just saying, he actively hates our sleep schedule," Misato sat unknowingly near Rose, rubbing Shinji's arm to promote circulation of the medicines that were being pumped into him as fast as his body would accept them. "How many times have we had to come up here to visit him late at night because he thinks that everyone's a night owl?"

Maya, tears occasionally renewing their assault on her cheeks, smiled through the confused welter of emotions with a shrug, "It's a challenge loving someone so thoughtless. I mean, using his gifts to save six hundred people, but at the cost of our beauty sleep? I think he's secretly trying to make our hair white like his so that he's not alone."

Suzuka continued her task, approved by the wife that was present, and pushed food into Shinji's mouth. He was tired, she knew he was, but Rose insisted that he eat as much as possible after six days of pushing himself hard. "I believe he shall have much work ahead of him in earning our forgiveness, Maya-dono. He might find himself preparing a few sweets an hour for the next several weeks."

Shinji's mind remained far too active to switch off, despite being so numbed with fatigue that he couldn't think beyond 'eat food, don't hurt pretty women'. _I'm always willing to make sweets, little deer,_ he opened his mouth dutifully for the next bite. _I might even be able to get Kitten to eat more than one, if she'd tell me what she wants._

"I want my husband to not keep trying to make me fat," Maya laughed. "I don't have Misato's metabolism, Pup. I have to be careful about what I eat."

 _That isn't that difficult to fix,_ Rose offered with a wiggle of her fingers. _So long as you exercise appropriately, once you're immortal you'll usually stay within five percent of the weight you were when you transitioned. The mass may shift between muscle, fat, and a mixture of the two, but it's fairly stable. The means by which cell transitions are-_

 _Wait_ , Maya held her hand out, _what happens to all of the food, then? I mean, mass has to go somewhere. You can't just destroy it._

"That's going to take some getting used to," Misato picked up Shinji's hand, kissing the back of his knuckles. "That you can speak to her without saying a word, that's the kind of thing every woman dreams of."

"It's far less romantic than the novels would make it out to be," Suzuka responded, ignoring Maya and Rose's discussion of the different energy requirements of physical beings that had been granted agelessness. Her own experience was eat when hungry, work out every day, and the rest would sort itself out. "This one," she tapped Shinji's lips with another chunk of fish until he took it, "has an entire host of emotions that he doesn't realize exist within him. Throwing off signals left and right, but speaking as if he was doing nothing of the sort. It's…confounding."

"You complain like I understand any of you," Shinji sighed in a voice that was equal parts sedated and drained. Reaching up and taking Suzuka's arm for a second, he let his head tilt towards Misato, "Can you check again?"

"Absolutely," Misato tapped out a message on her phone to the bridge crew. Without taking her eyes from the device as she worked, she amended, "So long as you keep eating." With her missive sent, she looked to the other warrior in the room, "How do I get in on this mental party line?"

"Subordinate yourself to the good of the group, accept his unending love, convince either Hikari-san or Maya-dono that you love them as much as you do him, and sacrifice the rest of your existence to proving yourself worthy," the willowy warrior's eyes lifted languidly to Misato's, "nothing of note, when compared to what you gain from the bargain."

"Says the immortal lady," Shinji's former guardian reached over to take another hit from her coffee. "How did-" She cut herself short as the door shifted, eventually revealing an odd pairing of Shinji's coterie of bodyguards, "Agents. Everything ok?"

"That depends on how he's doing," Akane asked with a hopeful grin. "Because we're really hoping that we can thank him effusively and then punish him for pulling that harebrained stunt without any damn support."

Nicolette floated over to stand by Suzuka, near Shinji's head, "Solo numbers are fine, Shinji…but you've got a lot of partners. What possessed you to not include them?" Looking down as she felt a touch on her hip, she accepted the offered chopsticks with a hint of confusion. Understanding dawned when the woman who had been feeding him began arranging trays around, and so she took over feeding without complaint.

"It is well that others would agree so easily, dear heart," the eternal woman calmly stacked dishes and assorted other items so that they would occupy less space in the room. "Anger has its place, but we must strive to prevent it from controlling our lives."

The small smile he gave at the statement, accompanied with a slight nod, was enough of a response to satisfy propriety. He knew that Suzuka would understand how he felt, and why he'd done what he did. He trusted that Maya would as well. The elder of his two wives having shown signs of overcoming the guilt and regret that had struck both of them when Nevada first happened, and that was coupled with there being at least some hope that Rei might at some point wake up. Taking another bite from Nicolette, he patted his dance partner's hip with a grateful smile before looking at Misato hopefully.

"UNIGC teams from Dallas, Texas and Los Angeles, California are on station and have taken control of the Marines there." Misato reported with more than a touch of relief herself, "Nobody has regained consciousness, but local hospitals from Las Vegas, Creech, and Nellis have all shipped as many people and as much equipment as they can."

"General Benoit has several of his most trusted legal representatives hurrying there," Nicolette nodded. "The Marines have begun processing identification as quickly as possible, and rosters have been created. The Lieutenant Colonel on-site has already contacted local news agencies and begun a media campaign to avoid 'accidents' from being easy to manage. He trusts his team, but after the garbage the UNPKs tried to pull, he's not risking anything."

"If he doesn't want a visit from an angry Shinji, that's probably for the best," Akane unknowingly merged partially with Rose as she reached up to scrub Shinji's hair. "Six hundred and sixteen lives saved, Kid. That's a solid day's work."

Shifting his hand to hold his favorite agent's, he just nodded. His emotions were present, but at the moment he was lucky to even know that much. The food was serving its purpose, as were the I.V. bags, but the 'break even' point had some distance before it was reached. _Maya, we did it._ Chewing on another bit of food, he blinked slowly at his wife, _We may not have saved everyone…but people lived. You arranged for a military escort, so I don't want to hear about me doing everything. We're a team, we succeeded as one._

His wife's reply was interrupted by someone speaking in the manner humans usually did, "Should he be asleep?" Akane's hand felt his forehead, still damp with sweat, "I mean, I love seeing him awake but sleep is usually how we heal."

"I've been trying, Agent." Temple moved in to begin switching out the sacs of fluids as well as provide more painkillers, "The stuff I'm giving him should have knocked him out, but this being Paladin it might very well be having the opposite effect. The pain he was in, and the way he's still sweating, means I treat him the way I am." Tapping the sub-commander on her shoulder as she moved past, she spoke in 'medical command', "Turn it off, or take it out of the room. He's in recovery status, and that means no work around him."

"I should get going anyway," Misato stood, duly chastened. "This place doesn't run itself." Waiting for a clear shot, she knelt on the bed and pressed a kiss to Shinji's lips between bites, "You did something very good and very noble today. You should be proud." Smiling at him with a warmth that flowed through his body, she winked, "Goodnight, Shinji. Hang in there."

The memory of her exact words from so long ago floated to the top of his mind, and as she went to move away he fumbled for her shoulder, "I'm…sorry." Screwing down his strength, he put himself out beyond his comfort zone, "About Rei. About not bringing her home." Apologizing for the specific crime he felt he committed was a lesson he only learned recently, and had never tried to exercise when he lived with the woman before him. The memory of failure, and the chance to make something good of it, had prompted him into action. The unburdening of his conscience helped ease the anxiety of the act itself.

"Anybody who blames you for that," she reached over and squeezed his hand gently, her voice soft and pleasant, "I'll shoot myself." Her eyes shifted over to Suzuka, "It happens, I want names."

"You'll have them," his living weapon stated with a smile of her own. "However, as a leader of warriors yourself, you like as not understand where he is approaching this from. The mantle is heavy, and it only ever grows heavier."

"I do," she looked back down at him, leaning in and kissing him again. In a whisper that carried no further than his ears, she gave what she could, "We aren't giving up on her, Shinji. Rits, your wife, they're working as hard as they can. I promise." Standing straight, she nodded in farewell and moved out of the room, leaving a curious pair of agents wondering what they might have just witnessed.

+++++ 13th Angel + 5: Friday (85)

"Oh, that really is rather irritating," a melodic voice pouted. "I keep trying to make this painful for him, and he manages to continue to confound me." Setting down the knife they'd been using, they increased the volume on the nearby television, "He's never going to help me like this."

"…as we said, ma'am, currently there is not enough information to go off of. We know that this area was home to one of our nation's efforts to aid our friends over in Tokyo-3, and that some catastrophic failure likely caused what used to be an unidentified black morass that has given us a lovely view of the interior of the Earth some fifteen miles deep. Further details will be provided as we can, but I'm not here to speculate." The stern-faced officer then smiled with what appeared to be gratitude, "Though I'd like to extend a fond thank you to whatever force of nature gave us our sons and daughters back. This is a tragedy, but the world's a little brighter tonight for a number of families. Our thoughts and prayers go out to those affected, and I personally assure you that the United States Marine Corps is on guard against any shenanigans while we help these poor folks recover."

"You see what I mean?" Muting the television, they scrunched up one side of their mouth for a few moments in thought. "Strike too close, and it will break the cycle. Break the cycle, and this entire timeline is an exercise in pointlessness. Not, honestly, that it has much of a point right now. He's too weak. Too soft. May as well just trigger Instrumentality now and wipe everything clean." Blinking as they realized that it was too quiet, they turned to face their guest, "Oh. Well that was rather rude. I hadn't finished." Moving for the smaller scalpel, they clicked their tongue in disappointment, "Now it's all going to look uneven. It's so hard to properly render Akkadian on flesh as it is, and now I have to rush."

+++++ 13th Angel + 5: Friday (85)

"Remember, ladies, Shinji-sama is not to be wound up," Rina and Hina engaged in their favorite pastime of disturbing people with their synchronicity. "You follow Nozomi-chan's lead, and you will do just fine." Each woman patted a shoulder on the youngest Horaki, "She understands appropriate bedside manner, trained her ourselves!" They gave a proud grin to their favorite pupil.

"Yes ma'am," Sakura stated with full sincerity as her best friend beamed with confidence.

"Is he not sleeping?" Hikari, being the least of the corpsmen's worries, focused instead on her husband, "He looks incredibly tired."

"Not since he left on his adventure," the response was intentionally vague, to avoid worrying the younger guests. "Your wife, however, refused our offer of a bed and has gone down to check in on her Section." The twins set their fists on their hips, leaning forward, "You need to make it clear that good mental health comes from plenty of rest. She is absolutely necessary for Shinji-sama's recovery, and collapsing herself won't help him."

"I'll try, Rina-san, Hina-san." She knew she'd likely have little luck, having blown it all in an effort to have a good family date the day before, but she'd try. "Ok, let's go see how Shinji's holding up. Remember, quiet voices." Catching her elder sister's eye, she received a subtle nod. Kodama had gone in first to prepare Shinji for dealing with several of his house guests at once, and to warn Hikari if there might be complications.

Now feeding himself, Shinji forced a smile as he saw the troupe entering his 'lovely suite', "Hey. Sorry for leaving so suddenly yesterday, I…had to clear some things up in my head." His stomach complained at the lack of continued food, "Sorry," he blushed. "I was a little aggressive yesterday and need to eat to make up for it while…they try and fix things."

Hikari slid the door closed, as the last to enter, closing them off from anyone but those present, "Then eat." Slipping around to where she could stand in front of Sakura, she offered her hands, "Do you want to sit on his bed? It's very comfortable, and I doubt he'll mind the company."

"I'd enjoy it," he nodded, swallowing his latest morsel hastily. "Please, it's much better than the chairs." Pointing to the refrigerator, he looked directly at Tsuru, "Tsuru, could you be a huge help and get both Sakura-chan and Nozomi-chan a cup of applesauce? It's delicious, and I want their opinion. If you see anything you want, feel free." He waved Yang over, "I'm basically funding everything in here, so don't hold back. I'd have it myself, but it's not dense enough." Shoving more food in his mouth, he shrugged.

Hikari settled Sakura by Shinji's feet so she could prop her back against a large pillow and the thick footboard, "There we go. You'll like the applesauce, Sakura-chan, it's not too sweet."

"They have cinnamon, and not-cinnamon," Tsuru held out two cups for the healing youth to choose from.

"Give her both," Shinji waved them over. "I'll eat whatever she doesn't like, or she'll eat both and I'll have a good basis of comparison. You too, Nozomi-chan," he urged his youngest sister-in-law over to the fridge. "You can get drinks too." Leaning back, he waved Kodama down, before whispering, "Guard the door." Tugging on her shirt, he pressed a kiss to her cheek, "Thank you."

"You seem to be in a decent mood," Hikari took her customary place sitting by his left side on the bed. "Feeling a little better?"

"Honestly? I feel like I've been run over repeatedly by that train," he smiled weakly. "But I saved several hundred people, and was able to bring a couple thousand home for proper funerals…however the Americans do them." Setting aside the tray of food he'd been working on, he reached over with one hand and gripped Hikari's knee, "I am sorry for losing my temper yesterday. After everything up to now, you would think that I'd have a better grip on it."

Her heart warmed on hearing him apologize for his actions, even if she understood the reasons for them. She knew fully well that he shouldn't have been feeling _anything_ , and if his anger had reached the point it did that it was probably overdue. But, knowing that he cared enough to offer that olive branch was a large part of the reason she loved him so, "It was a good end that came from a bad beginning. You've been saying that was possible of late, and here we are with the proof."

Forgiveness was accepted with a fond smile, "I wish that I could have saved them all. But from the looks of things inside…I'd have had to travel through time, stop the test itself. Too many good people lost their lives in the pursuit of madness." Catching Sakura's eyes, he smiled sadly, "But we live on. We take each day as it comes, and we hope for the best for those who've lost people they love."

"That's a positive attitude, Shinji-kun," Yang rubbed his shin over the blankets. "Bad things happened, but we can't live our lives as if we can control everything around us. Sometimes we just need to take our lumps and drive on."

"I don't blame you, Shinji…uhm, nii-san," Sakura chewed on the tip of the wooden spoon nervously. "Whoever…uhm, whoever took…daddy…." Sniffling as fresh tears threatened her calm, she startled slightly at Nozomi's touch, then nodded at some unspoken urging, "Can…can I have a hug?"

Indicating the tubing limiting his range, he looked to his wife for help, "Hikari, I hate to ask?"

"I know you do," the freckle-faced beauty stuck her tongue out. Lifting Sakura easily, she demonstrated both her returning strength and the fragile weight of their newest family member, "But you should ask anyway, my love." Setting the young child down in the crook of Shinji's arm, she smiled at both of them as the child worked herself into his protection, "Otherwise how will we know what you want, hmm?"

Carefully squeezing the girl that inspired him to dig deeper when things got tough, he stage-whispered, "I married a wise woman, Sakura-chan. Mean," he grinned at Hikari, "but wise."

Sniffling again, but still in control of her tears as she enjoyed the close embrace, Sakura shook her head, "She's not mean…she's just firm. Like momma used to be."

"One day," Tsuru pushed through her social anxiety to try and do what she could to show that she wanted to be a part of everything, "you're going to get to be 'firm' with Shinji and Hikari's children. They'll look up to you, the way you look up to Hikari."

"They'll have great examples to draw from," Shinji agreed with a wink of gratitude to the reserved woman. "You and Nozomi-chan will help them understand right and wrong from a different perspective than we'll teach them from. If we're lucky, though," the memory of Ireul's words floated through his mind, galvanizing him into acting, "we'll have many different voices around to help them learn. Tsuru has her experiences from growing up in Ogawa, for example. I know I look forward to spending more time around her, and Yang."

Hikari was nearly as stunned as Tsuru appeared to be, though she was much faster in recovering at her husband's apparent statement of willingness to pursue her hopes, "That's something we agree on, for certain. A diversity of thought can be a great tool for a teacher to use."

"Even Kodama has things that she will add," he looked over to the calm presence at the door. "She might be Hikari's older sister, but she doesn't see things the same way. As an example, she loves you and Nozomi-chan, right?"

"Dearly and wholly," the woman nodded with the warm smile that characterized her demeanor.

"But she doesn't want kids of her own," he said with a shrug. "And that's ok. She'd rather be the 'fun aunt', the one that takes the kids I…will have with whomever I have them with, and…goes to the movies. Or to the waterpark. Or on a hike."

"Sure would be useful to have two younger women around to help me keep an eye on a herd of little ones," Kodama stated grandly. "Three sets of eyes to make sure nobody goes wandering."

"A herd?" Sakura looked up to Shinji with wide eyes, "Isn't that a whole bunch? Are you going to have triplets?"

"Well," he ignored his stomach's cries in order to soothe the nerves of someone he'd harmed, if inadvertently, "Maya-chan wants to have a child. Hikari-chan wants one too, eventually. Even though Kodama-chan doesn't, that still makes two at least. If…life happens, and someone else joins our family, who knows?" Rubbing her arm gently, he let one half of his mouth rise in a grin, "Two doesn't seem like a lot, until you have to cook for them, teach them how to solve for 'x', plan outings to give them exposure to new situations. There's a lot involved in being a parent, but I don't want to be a parent." He let that statement hang for a full second, "I want to be a _great_ parent."

"You're doing a good job so far, Shinji," Yang hugged Nozomi from behind. "I'd say…B-plus."

"Strict teachers make good students great," Shinji quoted with a mopingly false-frown. "But I can't excel at everything, can I?"

Sakura giggled, the playful atmosphere that began to fill the room shining brighter and fuller light into her mind. She'd been so determined to not be a bother, despite everyone's insistence that she was nothing of the sort, that she'd begun to believe her own lies. Safe in the arms of the 'brother' she'd always wanted, who spoke of being the 'father' that had been too busy in life trying to make ends meet to spend much time with her, and who'd given her the 'sisters' she'd always wanted, life was better. There was pain, and work to be done, but for a nine year old…she was safe, and that was what mattered most.

+++++ 13th Angel + 5: Friday (85)

Once Nozomi and Sakura left with Kodama to have another therapy appointment, Shinji began to eat ravenously. His wife fed him as he used his hands to speak through Tsuru, with Yang organizing and delivering the food that continued to be brought up from the cafeteria.

"He says that everything was frozen?" She tilted her head, "Time was frozen. I'm sorry, some of this is very atypical, and so he's using concepts that aren't immediately obvious."

"Don't fret, Tsuru," Hikari was simply thrilled that Shinji was actively engaging with the two women necessary to keep life on the best path possible. "He trusts you to understand, you're the best chance we have right now." Shinji signed his agreement, and then continued.

"The giant robot, the Evangelion? Yes, ok." She nodded as she accepted the new definition, "It had been…oh that's unfortunate, it was torn in half by an explosion. Everything froze in time as the…sea? Ok, the sea expanded outwards." She shrugged, "He says sea. I'm not certain what that means." She watched his hand, "Oh, English letters. D. I. R. A. C."

"A Dirac Sea," Hikari nodded. "Maya was explaining the concept to me as best she could, it's something that until a few days ago was at best theoretical."

"So this sea froze time?" Yang frowned, "How'd you move inside of it? How did _it_ freeze time locally, but not everywhere? How did anything survive the transition when you can't resolve Zeno's Paradox?" Setting a new tray down she gestured in the air, "They'd have to leave in stages, no matter what. The border between there and here would be crossed a bit at a time. So does the first half animate while the back half remains frozen? Does a quarter of the heart beat before the half? No wonder they're unconscious, their poor body is trying to figure where there ends and here begins!"

Chewing his food carefully, Shinji just shrugged, then began to sign again.

"He hopes that they wake up. But he agrees with you. It doesn't make sense according to logical physics, but neither does an Evangelion, or his ability to summon lightning, or…Shinji-kun!" Tsuru blushed, "That was…sneaky."

"Tsuru," Hikari eyed her friend, possible girlfriend at that, "we can't speak this Sign yet. Please share with the class."

"He…said that my eyes were 'beautifully impossible'." Her blush deepened, "He said that it shouldn't be possible to contain what they do."

Subtly squeezing his hand in gratitude, Hikari accepted that she was being gifted what she had asked for, "You do have very charming eyes, Tsuru. They're probably your best feature amongst many great features."

Perking up quickly as he began to speak again, Tsuru nodded, "He says that all of us have our strengths. That he's not wanting to compare…sunrises."

"Aww, that's so sweet," Yang set a tray before Hikari, turning and hugging Shinji's head. Whispering quickly into his ear, she kept her voice low, "Don't push yourself, Shinji. Your happiness isn't less important."

Reaching up and squeezing her shoulder, he leaned his head against hers. That someone understood him, and that she wasn't making a scene, gave him something to cling to as he reached out from his perch of safety. He couldn't agree that his happiness was even _as_ important, but he didn't have to agree. It was up to him to decide; such were the perils of adulthood.

+++++ 13th Angel + 5: Friday (85)

"That's…not a question I will answer, sir," Maya clasped her hands atop her lap. "I do not share those secrets of NERV's my household is not read-on for with them, I will not share my household's secrets with anyone here at work they have not told themselves." She felt fear, knowing that she was likely committing what any rational commander would consider to be grievous insubordination, but she had maintained her honor. It was a thin gruel for a comfort meal, but it was something.

"How empty do I have to make this room to get that answer?" Kozo gestured around his office, taking in Misato, Ritsuko, Philip, and the man that still surprised her, Gendo. "I know you have figured out the frequency to jam the recording devices we have strewn throughout the facility like so many ants, and whatever you say will not leave this room. I am trying to get out ahead of this politically, and I need information to do so. We've reached well past explaining things with anomalous weather patterns or the Eva series having odd bouts of power fluctuations."

"Shinji Ikari can summon lightning, reach across oceans and delve into physical errata, broadcast a sense of wellness to every living being in Japan," she held up a hand to correct herself, "I'm sorry that last burst the day Asuka visited him went to the Korean peninsula and the eastern half of China as well. Your husband is the source of everything I'm bringing up and more, Maya. The powers that be are getting paranoid, because the public is building him up into various incarnations of the divine. There was a revolution begun in Angola recently because the sitting president spoke disparagingly of Shinji."

"They believe him to be the reincarnation of Jésus-Christ lui-même," Philip chuckled. "Which, in a sense of cosmic irony may as well be true of a great many of the laity. Many religions have begun to unify behind beatifying him in what ways they will."

"Sir, this is my husband." She knew this day would come, and she still had no 'good' way to approach the dilemma, "I believe that I still have the right to avoid incriminating either him or myself."

"We are _not_ speaking of pressing charges," Misato stamped on that thought firmly. "I'll quit if we do. I'll make Angola's revolution look peaceful. He has pulled our asses through fire after fire, losing pieces of his body and soul as he's done so, and all without asking for a damn thing in return. He's chosen you and Hikari, and we're asking _you_ precisely because you can edit what you ought to, to keep his secrets safe. Please, Maya, don't make us bring him in and ask him."

 _Would it help if I walked in and started explaining?_ Lily perched herself on Kozo's desk by Maya's chair, gently rubbing the scientist's neck. _It might take a few moments, bringing myself down off that infernal misunderstanding of symbolism, but I can be up here in five or so minutes._

"What is my father-in-law doing here?" Maya needed time to think, and so she played the game, "The last I knew he was under house arrest."

"Because I am useful," the old Commander shrugged. "I have played the game you now attempt for quite some time, the game that Kozo is playing even longer. I pretend no sudden change of heart, Lieutenant Colonel: my overarching interest is the return of my wife. However, the easiest and most likely path leads directly through my child's wellbeing. He has carried us this far with power from and no small amount of efforts on my part. I have left a swath of destruction through the old guard, ordered the deaths of hundreds. If at the end of this is him atop the throne of the world? I'll consider the price well paid."

"Protecting Shinji-kun is what we're here to do," Kozo patted his desk. "This group is going to be involved in retaining what 'normalcy' we can provide for him. I have confidence that every person in this room will remain loyal to him, even under threat from our superiors. I personally intend to go down with the ship, so to speak, should the UN High Command insist on 'blaming' someone. I have put that in both writing, and the MAGI database. All orders come through and from me, and no one, not you all or Shinji-kun, will share my blame."

 _Meet us in the Tower, but don't reveal yourself until I say._ Maya worked her jaw, "Anyone who doesn't want to die if they betray my family, I would recommend they not follow me." Standing proudly, she challenged everyone present, "Because I will see you all dead before I allow you to harm them."

Gendo watched her leave, looking to his one-time confederate with a grin after she'd been followed by both ladies and the General, "I knew I liked her. She'll keep him honest."

+++++ 13th Angel + 5: Friday (85)

Shinji, if he was honest, was tired of eating. He knew he had little choice, Rose reminded him repeatedly that it was either this or drain the Aspects further. Ireul was the lone remaining significant source of power, and she was set to restrain Adam in case the former First Angel decided to make another play for erasing the timeline in favor of something more suitable in his opinion. He'd somehow lost track of Lily, the Night Mother moving about doing those things she did whenever he was tethered to a single location for overly long. That left, at the moment, Rose and he speaking as he ate.

 _So…you'll do it?_ Sitting against his arm, she managed to touch him without being tangled in the tubes connected to his arm, _You're sure? I don't want you to regret this, Shinji. I know you and Ireul spoke about this, and I know that you're prone to jumping in with both feet as soon as you decide to do something, but I'm not interested in pushing myself where-_

 _Rose,_ he looked at her, chewing mechanically, _stop. I don't think I can hide anymore. What I did, I may as well have shoved a glowing sign behind my house saying 'Non-human powerhouse lives here. Ask for my rates. Assholes need not apply.'_ Squeezing her hand, he rolled his eyes, _I'm not pushing myself to find you attractive. I'm not pushing myself to want you around. I'm not pushing myself to think back to a bath I took with my wife with more than a touch of curiosity._

 _I'm going to slap her for that,_ Rose growled. _Lily! Not Hikari,_ she clarified quickly. _I'm very much interested in trying to go through with that bit of…entertainment._

 _Pup, I'm sorry._ Maya's call nearly caused him to launch his mostly undressed self out of bed and towards where he'd heard her from. It was only the follow-up that kept him seated, _Call Suzuka when I ask. I want her here for this._

Shinji frowned, _Why do I need Suzuka? Am I fighting my way out of here?_

 _I heard my name,_ the willowy warrior stated. _Is something amiss?_

 _Where are you?_ Maya's presence grew closer, _Because this is very important._

 _Speaking with the Shirakami. They've requested an update on your recent actions, and are providing an update on our finances. Long story short, we're incredibly wealthy as a household._ She seemed discontent when she spoke next, _I am ready, however. They're concerned that this might be a fight and are offering to extract everyone to a safe zone if needed. Suzuki-san has offered to stand by with Gen-kun at the manor to watch over the young ones._

 _That won't be immediately necessary,_ the elder of Shinji's wives came into view through the glass door to his room as the elevator deposited the entirety of the upper echelon of NERV Tokyo-3's command staff, plus one, into the Tower. _If anyone causes problems…I hope to know who our allies are by then._

Shinji took note of the one person he least wanted to see at the moment, _Kitten, why is my father with you?_

Reaching the door to Shinji's 'Lovely Suite', Maya slid it open and stated, "Call her."

 _Suzuka._ Summoning his sword, and with her his spear, Shinji mourned the loss of a piece of cake he'd been saving that was knocked off his bed and onto the floor by the added mass in his lap. "Well…now I'm actually hurt." Looking up to Misato with his lips curled down in a slightly hammed-up lament, he tilted his head down towards the mess, "I was saving that for after I finished that plate. Christie-san made it for me."

His continued attempts at humor paid off as the woman he'd once lived with shook her head with playful sorrow, "A tragedy, Paladin. I don't know what I can offer in return, save for a hug…after the spear goes away."

 _She could offer some pie,_ Lily grinned lasciviously as she faded into view of those tuned to Shinji's psyche. _That is a well-proportioned woman. Be interesting to see how she performs._

"That is…disconcerting," Philip stated after positioning himself off to the side. "I presume that you summoned your bodyguard for a reason, son?"

"Because we are asking personal questions," Kozo crouched down and cleaned up the mess the dessert had made quickly, attempting to set the tone of the forthcoming conversations as friendly. "We are invading his private chambers, his place of recovery. Or, perhaps, he sees his wife's face and presumes that he might have to start informing his superiors that that particular appellation is easily remedied if they become overbearing."

"No, mostly it's because my father lied to me more than once," Shinji drew strength from having at least three if not four women who'd likely depopulate the room by his side. When his stomach grumbled, he willed his spear to vanish and reached for another tray, "Please. Help yourself, anyone. They're making more as we speak. I hope you don't mind me eating, because it starts to hurt if I wait too long."

"Do we know why this happens?" Kozo threw away the fallen treat, "Is there a better way to recharge him, so to speak?"

"Rest," Ritsuko shrugged. "The S-Two organ will recharge on its own, without external input, but he's draining it too rapidly with these…impulsive acts." Her eyes were apologetic, "I'm sorry, Shinji, but you haven't been thinking through the end result of what you've been doing. I'm not confident that you've ever been pushed as hard as you've had to be lately, mainly because there's no real way for me to understand what I should test. You…have no real reason to trust me with the details, and so I haven't been of as much help as I'd like to be."

He nodded, chewing as he pieced together exactly what his wife wanted from the clues available to him at the moment, _Suzuka, if I ask you to reveal that we're able to speak mentally will you feel like I'm asking too much?_

"His Grace and I have conferred privately," Suzuka answered aloud, "and I will be speaking for him. His time is better spent eating, as each word is another piece of sustenance he could be ingesting." Her tone was challenging everyone present to complain, "He and I are capable of speaking without physical speech, and by my honor I will not mischaracterize his intent."

"We both can," Maya added quietly. "My husband has, unintentionally, shared his gifts with the two of us to a limited degree. This is part of why I asked you to come up here. We can, and will, confer with each other before we agree to spell anything out. Acceptable to you or not, I will not cede the rights we possess as husband and wife. Suzuka, as an inseparable part of my husband, is protected under that same law."

"I see no reason to argue that, legally," Philip stated with an accepting shrug, the idea no more surprising to him than any other that had come from Shinji's presence. "We have no right to demand that either spouse testify against the other, and I would urge against attempting to compel that testimony in all but the most dire of situations. Such as," he gestured to Shinji, "our Paladin needing to be calmed before he ended the world."

Suzuka listened to Shinji, then replied, "His Grace feels your point is well taken, and would urge either Maya-dono or myself to act in the best interests of the planet over his own desire for privacy. What was it that you desired to know of us?"

"Do you know the upper limit of your powers?" Ritsuko asked the same questions she had of Maya, "Do you know the _source_ of your powers? You've been gaining new quirks with every Angel you defeat, that much has been obvious, but you've gone from barely being able to tear open a sealed door to dropping thunderbolts and visiting other countries from the safety of your own bed. The growth is almost exponential, and it's only been near to three months. We're worried about your health."

"It is also in keeping with the symbology inherent in the Angels you've defeated," Gendo added. "A number of the things you've shown yourself capable of doing are easily tied back to that symbology. Considering we likely have, if everything proceeds according to the Dead Sea Scrolls, four more Angels to defeat, and then the final Angel, your powers might very well grow beyond the possibility of containment by any known military on Earth."

Shinji held up his hand as Lily spoke, _Right now, there is likely little they could do to stop you after a little rest. After Zeruel? I'd give you even odds against Rose's crew. After Arael, it would take an entire fleet to worry you. Armisael? The Judges themselves would have to be involved. The analysis of our Children is correct, Lover. Though the answer isn't so easily expressed. Any one of Adam's children is a threat, as they have access to a well of power that defines Creation. Rose and her kind are limited, as they have forsworn Adam's grace, and the Judges exist as they do through powers that are something of a perversion of the natural order. Ireul's mistake was bonding to a limited being. You could oppose her hand-to-hand as she was, but not if she'd manifested in a more oblique manner._

A memory tripped in his mind, _What about Tabris? Who are they?_

 _Pup,_ Maya interrupted, _this is why I asked Lily up here. I think it's time we explain everything. The people in this room are some of the best on Earth at what they do, but they aren't the only ones on Earth that are this capable. If others piece together what we're doing, we're risking everyone's lives. We don't have that right, not to protect ourselves. I know you agree with me._ She crossed over to run her hand atop his head, "We're better than that."

 _She's here in the flesh,_ [Static], Rose moved to stand, indicating her counterpart. _I think it's time I ask you to ingest the Anchor._

"So…." Pausing his eating, Shinji looked around the room. "This is where it all leads to." _Can you get it in here?_

The pink-skinned captain looked to Lily, _I've dropped it nearby with a marker you should notice. Would you please bring it to him?_

 _In the spirit of our agreement._ Disappearing again, the Night Mother moved to be about her task.

Suzuka listened to Shinji for a moment as he resumed eating, then translated, "What we are about to reveal to you was kept from everyone first out of fear. Then, out of caution. Finally, it was kept from everyone because to reveal anything would be dangerous to a web of individuals that all relied on the protection silence provided. If any is to be adjudged harshly, His Grace requests that it be him."

"The burdens of a Commander are many," Kozo intoned. "A good leader knows when its time to risk letting his men die for him. A great leader knows when its time to risk dying for his men."

"Those two paths are not always as clear as one might think, Lead Pilot," Gendo agreed. He was impressed at how calm his son appeared, and pleased to see that his mother's gifts could be subordinated when necessary to allow a more logical, reasoned, man to stand tall. He knew that the human touch his mother had left in him was the reason he succeeded where Gendo himself had failed, but he wouldn't agree that either was more important than the other.

Shinji smirked, and Suzuka spoke, "His Grace believes that to be the first matter the two of you have agreed upon in some time." Both noticed Lily's return, _Is that all? I would have thought it…larger._

 _It's larger than you think it is,_ Rose huffed, accepting the small pill from her once-hated ally. _Inside this shell is a series of tiny, microscopic machines. They'll affix themselves to your nervous system in key places so that you broadcast the signal I need. I tried to balance everything out so that it wouldn't be a chore getting it into you._

Seeing Shinji 'pantomime' accepting something from someone, Misato frowned, "Shinji?"

"You're all right, in a way," the current Duke said as he looked at the pill in his hand. "One of the women I have the honor of loving is right in that we're better than this. Though that's mostly only true of her. I'm a terrible man. Rotten fruit of a rotten tree, making the most of what I have to work with." Popping the small device in his mouth he chased it down with the rest of his bottle of juice as he ignored the chiding look from both Suzuka and Maya. "Rits," he looked her in the eyes, grimacing as the pill worked its way down his throat, "have you ever thought about how little any of our lives make sense? According to science, I should be dead. The energy expenditures alone should have left me a withered husk, if not just dust. Yet, I can assuage people's guilt. I can summon fish. I can call down lightning, or sing with perfect pitch. I can stop bullets, traverse the skies, or make it rain any number of odd liquids. I am outside of Science. I am a freak."

"You are, at most, an anomaly," Ritsuko said firmly. "I may not understand the mechanisms by which you work, Shinji, but that doesn't make you a bad person, or malformed and unsightly. _You're_ the one that taught _me_ to believe in myself, even if nobody else would."

"And I implore you to continue doing so," Shinji offered her the warm smile that he'd given her so many months ago. "You too, Ritsuko Akagi, are better than you've been given credit for. Your efforts at healing Rei alone have earned you my unyielding respect. To say nothing of the way that you've comforted my wife while she's been dealing with the trauma of our knowing about Nevada before it happened."

"I'm sorry," Misato held her hand up, "I'm getting a little lost here, how is this all related?"

"I am not the Shinji Ikari from your reality," _Lily…could you at least put some clothes on when you reveal yourself? My father doesn't deserve to look at you as you are._ "I was brought here from a different timeline, a different reality. By an unlikely benefactor," gesturing to the Second Angel, he had to smile at her choice of attire. A flame red sundress, much like the style he preferred to see Hikari wear just in a different color, now adorned the Night Mother as she shimmered into view for one and all in the room. "Everyone, please allow me to introduce Lily. Though, and I apologize Lily, most of you probably know her as _Lilith_. The Second Angel."

"She…Rei?" Misato blinked, her hand twitching towards her sidearm.

"That particular 'chicken or the egg' discussion should be had without bullets, dear," Lily smiled charmingly. "After all, the pile of fetid waste that has the unfortunate honor of being partly responsible for Shinji used genetic material from my body to create that poor child."

"Lilith," Kozo recovered faster than anyone else, "brought you here from a different timeline?" His voice was not as steady as he'd have liked, but the fact that nobody was dead yet gave him enough strength to carry on the conversation, "How? Why? We've…not been the most gracious hosts, but she has been…."

"Nailed to a cross down in a sea of my own blood?" Lily's voice was without rancor, "That you honestly believed that was anything more than willingly accepted is your own delusions, sir, not mine. My Children needed the ability to defeat the spawn of Adam. I suffered the pain, as long as I have, to give you that chance. At least, while I was busy locating someone worthy of wielding their power." She indicated Shinji with a florid gesture, "I have observed far more versions of him than any of you could imagine, an endless number beyond meaningful description, and throughout all of them this one alone impressed me."

"An infinite number of Shinjis," the lone remaining version attempted to regain control of the discussion. "The one from this timeline, the only timeline left in existence…." His hand clenched, and released, "Was beaten to death by Sensei, then dumped in the woods for the scavengers like an unwanted household pet." Glaring at the version of his father that stood before him, he ground out the rest, "Buried in a grave and given a holy shrine atop it by a kindly old woman that is currently being gifted a more comfortable existence by an anonymous donor. Thanks, father, for leaving me with such a wonderful human being. Really set the tone for what you hoped I'd be, didn't it? Docile. Servile. Willing to just throw myself into the big robot that killed my mother." As Gendo opened his mouth, Shinji growled, "One word, and I'll leave it up to the three women in this room who'd like nothing more than to use your head as a doorstop what to do with you."

"Son," Philip made a pacifying gesture, "we're all here trying to help. This is…to be honest, more than even I thought possible. Timelines, multiple realities," indicating Lily, "lovely benefactresses, it's all a great deal to take in. We're going to have to be careful how we share this information, _if_ we share this information. Please, though, your…well, the man that looks like your father is not the man who he was. If you're telling the truth, and I have no doubt you are, he may very well not even be remotely similar to your own father. Multiple realities branch from decisions made, do they not?"

"He would have ordered me to murder Rei," Shinji's eyes never left Gendo's. "The reason I'm angry, sir, is that I know he would be right to. The reason I'm not as angry with _you_ ," he left no doubt as to whom he was referring to, "is that you were right to seek the assistance of the one man willing to sacrifice anything to keep the world turning long enough to save my mother. _Anything_." Ignoring the grumble of his stomach, he unburdened himself of the anger he'd been storing, "In my reality, Toji Suzuhara was the pilot of Unit-03. Willingly, in order to secure better medical care for his sister. There was no opposition to SEELE by NERV, there was no better treatment of me or the other pilots, all of that is another story though. During the transfer from America to Japan, -03 was infected by Bardiel. When they activated it, it destroyed the Matsushiro testing facility, nearly killing Misato and Ritsuko, and _actually_ killing several engineers and scientists. My father took over the operation, and in his ineptitude positioned our forces too far apart to support each other. His _intent_ was to limit potential infection. His _results_ were Unit-02 and Unit-00 being incapacitated leaving me alone to face my friend. No support, no chance to save him. Two choices: kill him or die."

Maya took over when Shinji winced at the memory, "The Dummy Plug system was still being actively pursued, owing to Rei Ayanami's clones not being destroyed by Ireul. We had more than enough 'spare parts', to quote Doctor Akagi, to install the system in each of the Evas. When Shinji refused to kill his best friend, one of two young men that was even willing to speak to him in school, your other self ordered me to activate the Dummy Plug. Shinji had to experience the murder of Toji Suzuhara first hand. He saved mankind. I forced him to do it."

"You…are you actually Maya Ibuki?" Ritsuko looked at her former protégé, "I mean…from that timeline?"

"I am Maya _Ikari_ ," the Lieutenant Colonel declared coldly. "I am married to a wonderful young man who has been pulled through time and space to risk his sanity defending mankind. Who had to find his own grave in Ogawa. Who has discovered that there is _no_ reality in which his life was not terrible because of that man there," she pointed menacingly at Gendo. "In the world he and I remember, I was forbidden from even telling him he'd done a good job. After such silly things as saving the world, again. The one time I did, I lost two weeks of pay, was castigated in front of the entire bridge by you," she shifted her finger to Kozo, "and received constant e-mailed reminders that no unapproved contact with the pilots was authorized."

"All of this, while probably very therapeutic to these two deliciously lovely people," Lily stepped forward slightly, "does not answer your questions. It just gives you more. So here's the short version to help you do your jobs: Shinji is no longer what you consider 'human'. I changed him, after that sad incident with the teacups," she looked to Misato, "those were very nice teacups. I'll consider recreating them for you, if you'll consider moving in with Lover." Winking, she turned back to Ritsuko, "Regardless, he is beyond your ability to contain. Each of Adam's spawn he kills, he will grow ever further beyond that. He is, in order, the Lord of Water, Daytime, Thunder, Fish, Poetry, Embryos, Rain, Sky, Terror, Night, and Haze. He has access to powers even he doesn't know about yet, as it's something like being a little toddler. He's discovering his hands and feet aren't independent of him, slowly, and the marvelous trouble he can get up to with those appendages grows the more he uses them."

"So it…wasn't the L-Nine?" Ritsuko was struggling to not either run away screaming or bombard the impossibility before her with questions, "I didn't change him?"

"No." Lily looked to Shinji, then looked down to the floor, "I actually owe you an apology, dear child." Folding her hands before her lap, she bowed in the manner of the culture she was standing hip-deep in, "It was I who provoked you into acting on your thoughts regarding Shinji. I needed to know, to see without any possibility of doubt, that he was the man I believed him to be. I needed him to suffer a temptation that he would struggle denying, and so I chose you. A woman he'd had more than one idle fancy over. Your mistreatment afterwards is my fault, and I will make amends as I can for the suffering you've endured." Standing tall, she looked between the two men who were nominally in charge, "Please, clear her record. Make up whatever lie you prefer, but she is not to be held responsible for my actions." Her saccharine smile was a promise of death itself, "Or I will become rather put out."

"A great deal of the hardships we've gone through, ultimately, fall upon my shoulders," Shinji continued. "I entered this world, throwing it off the natural course of events. I am the root of each weed that's grown. In the world I'm from, Hikari tempered Toji's idiocy. In the world I'm from, there was no need for Idunn to be present, no need for her to go to Nevada. In the world I'm from…it was Toji who died tragically to Bardiel…not Rei. Rei is in a coma because I tried to save everyone. As powerful as I am…I'm not powerful enough."

 _Lover, I claimed Rei's soul. I told you I would. She is, and remains, a part of me. That husk that's clinging to life is nothing more than an empty shell._ Lily moved to the bed, rubbing his shin, "He is the best of all Shinjis. I chose him because he stood the greatest chance at succeeding in repelling Adam's spawn. He is not, as he believes, responsible for everything. His power is equal to my own, and even I cannot see all ends." She looked over to see Shinji staring at her in confusion. _Do not ruin their hope, Love of My Life. Allow them time to grieve, to process their loss. It is not some false hope, as I work on a way to give the Rei you know time to walk freely in my flesh. She will not look exactly as the woman you know, but it is better than nothing._

"That's…a lesson I've hoped to impart to him," Misato's hands clenched atop the bed's footrest, noting Maya's glare turning to the pale-skinned ancient. Trying to keep her mind from engaging the kill switch, she fell back on humor, "I can see you're not faring much better than I have, Lilith."

"Please," Lily turned and offered Misato a smile, "Lily. It's the name he gave me, a compromise after a long story that we do not have time for. I'd like it if you and the gorgeous creature to your left used that instead," she winked at Ritsuko. "As Shinji views you both as dear to him, I would like to build bridges between both of you, and us." Looking at Kozo and Gendo, her voice hardened, "You may both refer to me by my other name. Both of you have made efforts to redeem yourselves, and forgiveness may yet be earned, but it is not yet given." When her eyes landed on Philip, she softened her tone, "Votre Bible...comprend mal beaucoup. S'il vous plaît, appelez-moi Lily. Idunn vivra," she gestured to Shinji, "il la sauva."

Kozo swallowed, the realization that there was far more than he'd ever considered possible in play causing his mind to reject a great many solutions he'd previously thought of, "Is…this it, then? Our hope of Instrumentality died at the hands of a monster, and so you brought another Shinji to guide us forward?"

"There is far more happening than just a minor war over a ball of water and stone, Professor." Turning back to Shinji she tilted her head towards Rose, "They will not betray us. Not anymore. You hold too much of the world in your hands, and they have tied their fortunes to your victory, or your death. It is time that we put an end to this game of hide and go seek."

 _You and I are going to have a talk later, Lily. I want to know_ exactly _what happened to Rei._ "For a portion of my time in this timeline," he took his eyes from the gorgeous Angel and looked back to the group that had gathered to have their perceptions altered, "I have been aided by someone not of this world." _Rose, I would like it if you took your place at my side._ A tiny hum preceded a calming burst of light, revealing the Devil to Lily's Angel in her full-dress uniform, "Everyone…meet Rose. My partner, my friend."

"It is an honor to meet you," inclining her head slightly, she walked over to stand by Maya at Shinji's side. "Thank you for your efforts at keeping my partner from being overwhelmed by the power-mad fools of this 'SEELE'." Looking over to Philip, she let her mouth curl into a grin, "I look forward to working with you in particular, sir. They have, it seems, been working closely with a group of non-humans that have caused my dear," this time, instead of static there was a burst of awe-inspiring music from her lips, "no end of heartache. As he may soon be what you would term my husband, I'd like to offer their heads to him as a gift for the bonding ceremony." Her smile died as she looked to Gendo, "Since he opted against allowing me to remove your water, I'll settle for giving him the lesser of the two joining gifts."

"An…extraterrestrial," Ritsuko's jaw worked noiselessly, words failing the demi-blonde.

"Shinji," Misato looked at him with more than a hint of sorrow, "you never trusted us…did you?"

"Hard to," Maya spoke over her husband. "When, in the world we come from, you abused him terribly." Squeezing Shinji's hand to keep him silent, she spoke to him without looking from Misato, "Don't, Pup. We're done hiding the past. This Misato may have redeemed herself after a rocky start, but you know damn well that neither of us have a reason to fully trust any of them after the world we left. We've kept our secrets, we've acted in their best interests, it's time that we lay everything out."

"Was I really that terrible?" The sub-commander did not ask that as an appeal to his better nature, it was an honest inquiry and one that came from the fear that she already knew the answer. She'd not covered herself in glory to start, and frequently had to check her natural inclinations while living with her second chance at making a pilot happy. "Did I honestly not see the wonderful heart I had in my hands?"

"I…." Shinji closed his eyes, and shook his head, "I think that's a conversation for in private, Misato. Just you, me, and your couch." Looking to his wife, he received approval for his plan, "Our life together, those long months with you, Asuka, and I…NERV wasn't a part of that, except as what brought us together. I don't want NERV to be a part of its end." Turning to face Kozo, he did what came naturally, "This is my world, sir. My people. I have done what I can, with what I had, in an effort to save as many of them as I could. But can you honestly tell me that if I brought this to you from the start, that if I had told you I'd traveled from what I saw as the future, that I would have been treated even remotely fairly?"

"We would have abused that knowledge to advance the scenario," Gendo stated without hesitation. "We would have pumped you, and your wife, for as much information as we could to counter SEELE's movements." He turned to face Kozo as well, "We might know better how to handle his foreknowledge, but we are far more corruptible than he is, old friend. I am not so prideful as to deny the truth of his contentions, are you?"

"An unanticipated side-effect of piloting Unit-01." Kozo answered without answering, "As the only Eva to be based off of Lilith, instead of off the remains of Adam, it's only natural that it had unpredictable effects on her pilot. Each successive Angel defeated provides Unit-01, and through her Shinji, with increased capabilities but also increased energy requirements."

Shinji's father smirked, "So a budget increase would be beneficial, considering the nutritional requirements of a teenaged boy are already substantial, but one who could forget to be so kind to our neighbors to the west should he not be fed appropriately is even more so."

"The security of those he cares about is, as ever, his highest priority," Philip added. "Any perceived threats to those he's deemed under his protection will likely be met with unmerciful rage. To prevent misunderstandings, it is best that we not risk provocations by pushing the one man capable of saving the human race too far with unreasonable demands." He looked to Shinji, "You are, after all, perfectly willing to sit down and talk to the people who want nothing more than to save humanity. You just aren't willing to listen to them threaten the Duchesses Ikari, or those who may yet earn that title."

"Sitting down with the Assistant Secretary General would do a great deal to allay those concerns," Kozo nodded. "She'll bring a number of 'involved parties', we'll host the event at your school after hours. You show them how dedicated you are to being peaceful, give them a demonstration of your capabilities, leave the veiled threats to myself and General Benoit."

Gendo rocked his hand, "Some of the lesser capabilities. She'll bring tacticians, strategists. Don't give them everything, because they'll look for ways to potentially neutralize it. It's how we are, as a species. We hold any and all information regarding Lilith and Rose as close to the vest as possible. Trust will be hard won with many of these idiots, they'll see evil where my son has only kindness."

"Are we really going to just sweep the greatest discovery of all time under the rug?!" Ritsuko thrust her hand towards Rose, "She is an alien! There's life out there," her hand swept around her head indicating the skies beyond. "We are not alone in the universe!"

"Rits," Misato shook her head, "if we announce that we have an alien present in a day and age where Angels are attacking, we risk tainting her species with her," she gestured to Lily, "species' actions. I imagine there's far more to the story here than we know, and until we do know, science can wait. She's helping Shinji, that means she needs our protection."

"You'd also have a difficult time convincing me to stand still for the cameras," she turned invisible to everyone not tuned to Shinji's psyche, the hazy shadow causing her to seem indistinct even to them. Her voice issued seemingly from thin air, "I'm notoriously shy around them."

"Everything we've discussed in here is to be held as classified under PALE RIDER," Kozo stated evenly. "Any discussion of this material without my consent, as well as Lead Pilot Ikari's consent, will be punishable by immediate termination. Yes, I will kill the first person to break his confidence, no matter who it is." Asking Suzuka to politely step back, Kozo set his hand on Shinji's shoulder, "Thank you, my boy. You have held the line with bravery and compassion, you have not allowed overwhelming power to corrupt you, and through it all you have proven our faith completely justified. We'll keep your secrets safe, and we'll do what we can to handle the political maneuvering. Please, trust us as we interact with your people," he gestured to Rose and Lily. "We won't disappoint you. Ok folks, we have work to do. The world isn't going to keep itself turning."

"Sir, I'd…like to stay a few more minutes," Misato's sad gaze had stayed on Shinji. "If that's all right."

"Ten minutes," the old professor agreed softly. "I intend to fight so that we have more time in the future, Colonel. But I understand you might want some time with him right now." Taking a protesting Ritsuko by the arm, he guided the other two men out of the room, with Gendo closing the door behind them.

"Maya, please let me speak to him alone." She looked over to Shinji's living weapon, "Please, ma'am?"

 _It's ok,_ Shinji sent to the four women present who could hear him. _I owe her this much._

"We would caution you to remember his condition," Suzuka stated firmly. "He is unwell, and recovering from his exertions." Moving towards the door, she held it open and waited for Maya.

"Remember," Shinji's wife eyed Misato warily, "you don't know everything."

Lily and Rose shimmered and vanished, leaving to somewhere else as Suzuka and Maya left the room. As the door closed, shutting the room off from any outside observation, Misato walked around to where Shinji sat and climbed into bed placing herself astride him and hugging him closely. "I am so, so, so sorry, Shinji." Tears were restrained, barely, though her voice was heavy with them, "You have been holding all of this in, hiding from everyone and everything. Worried that any move you made might lead to someone finding out and taking Maya from you, or abusing Hikari to find what she can see. You've balanced the fate of the world against love, and you have made the choice that I never could have."

Stunned, Shinji cautiously placed his hands against her back, returning the embrace lightly, "I, uhm…I don't understand?"

"I would sacrifice you, or Asuka. I _did_ sacrifice Rei to save the world." Her tone was laden with guilt, "I love you, Shinji. I love Rei. As irritating as she is, I care about Asuka. But I would order any of you to die without hesitation if it meant buying the planet one more day. You…you wouldn't. You won't." With her face buried in his neck, her voice muffled, she squeezed tighter, "You have so much love inside of you, and we are destroying it. You came from a world where I abused you, and you've treated me like…like…."

Things clicked in his mind, and he realized where her mind was at last, "Like the woman I love." Wrapping his arms around her more fully, he settled back to hold her in a position that would be less strained for her, "I meant what I said, Misato. Maya doesn't even know the full truth. Nobody but me does, really. I want to talk to you, alone, and tell you about where I came from. I want to put the ghosts of a past that's dead and gone to rest. I've made peace with my presence on this world, with the fact that another Shinji had to die for me to live. I want to make peace with Misato's death, because I want to live with the Misato I'm holding."

"She's a terrible person, Shinji," her whisper was pained. "She's not who you think she is."

"She's flawed," stroking her hair, he rubbed her back with his other hand. "Just like I am. Just like the Misato I knew was."

The rest of the ten minutes was spent in silence, as he held a quietly weeping pillar of strength. He began to pay forward the lessons taught to him by living with the Horaki family. That love and listening can cure a great many wounds, if they were given a chance to do so. Another wound that he hadn't noticed had lingered was now being drained, on both him…and the woman he'd never quite understood.

+++++ Author's Notes

Starfire99:

RE: Shinji's size.

He's huge. Broad and tall. He's exactly what Lilith desired her children to appear as.

RE: Writing methods.

I say this not as an indictment, but as an explanation. Most of the questions you've had so far are things that have been answered in the story earlier, or are intended to be answered later. Some few are, and were, written so as to remain either a mystery or symbolic. A part of the issue I've noticed is that you dislike ambiguity and prefer precise detail. As an author, I try hard not to be redundant or boring in what is already an aggressively long story. Other times I use symbolism and metaphors to couch things in a way that leaves them up to the reader's imagination (the viewers being geniuses part) so that what my story means is not wholly up to me but up to those taking the journey with me. Many of the authors that inspired me to learn English did just that, encouraging me to look beyond the sentence itself to see what they might have hidden there.

I am, of course, not perfect at all. There were some maths errors you'd caught earlier, and a few references where I'd mentioned something but had forgotten I'd done so (Shinji's night terrors comes to mind). On the balance, however, I worry that perhaps you're missing the forest for the trees. Becoming bogged down in minutiae isn't unheard of in any tale, but one as long as this one it's very easy to manage. My point in this, though, is that not everything will have a neatly explained reason as soon as you, or others, might like it. I made a reference in chapter three that was brought up again in chapter sixty something, just as an example of how long some of my plot threads will wander.

Food for thought, perhaps.

SK:

RE: Shinji, and the Power of Greyskull.

He's almost there, isn't he? He's almost realized that he can do far more than anyone imagined. As Lily said, his hands and feet are connected to his body. Watch now as he runs and slaps things.

RE: One Million (Words) Dollars.

I can stick the landing. I can stick the landing. I can stick the landing. I can stick the landing.

JaceSterne:

RE: Moar.

I promise, I'm releasing as soon as I feel the content is ready for primetime. Honestly? It isn't as fast as *I* want it to be, so I can feel you on the pace. There are parts I'm excited about putting out there, like these past few chapters. Parts I need to put out to set up the rest of the story, or parts that I'm terrified I've messed up horribly with my characterization. Cross my fingers, though. (I can stick the landing.)

RE: Dirac Sea(s)

The only fate we know for certain is the one Yui (via Unit-01) kindly requested remove itself from her lawn. Nevada was, to me, almost a throw-away plot point intended as a kind of side-shadowing obfuscation of other plot points. It moved Unit-03 and Bardiel to Tokyo-3, sure, but honestly the plot would have demanded that happen anyway as the Angels weren't attacking Massachusetts. Giving it a bit more love in this story only seemed right, considering I'm trying to shine the spotlight on those beings that got little love in the main continuity.

RE: Shinji's discussions with mortals.

Shinji was being impulsive again, and although he was seeking out Philip he wasn't upset to see Gendo squirm in the bargain. He's grown up, not that Shinji himself realizes it, and is not only commanding but almost demanding people pay attention when he speaks. The incongruity of his character is a great deal of fun to write. He's directing the world towards a utopia for all mankind, and he honestly doesn't realize he's doing it.

Kind of makes him an idiot god, doesn't it?


	100. Chapter 100

+++++ 13th Angel + 5: Friday (85)

Shinji walked out of the exit gates of NERV HQ in his new clothes, the night sky chilled in the late October air. _If I had known you could provide a more reasonable source of power, Rose, I would have swallowed the Anchor sooner._ With Suzuka by his side, and Rose riding on his shoulder in her invisible state, he turned towards home, _I'm glad they're letting me walk. I need some time under the skies, after tonight. Poor Kelly…I'm glad she's keeping her spirits up, but she was so proud to be serving with her crew. It was her dream to do what she was doing. She looked so tired; I shouldn't have bothered her._

 _I would prefer it if we were bringing Maya and Lily home,_ Rose ran her fingers through his hair, trying to distract him from bringing himself down. _We need to have a council about how to approach the new paradigm. There will be changes, and everyone is going to have to adjust to them. Introducing me by myself is enough of a problem, we should introduce Lily at the same time. I hate to say it, but Maya is a much better facilitator than Hikari is._

 _They'll adjust,_ Suzuka stated confidently. _Hikari-san and Kodama-chan are strong women, capable of accepting things as they come. Sakura-chan and Nozomi-chan will simply be curious. Though we must caution them that your existence is to be kept silent. I have some trepidation about Tsuru-chan, but Yang-chan should respond favorably. Noelle-chan hasn't been around often enough for me to truly gauge her resilience._

 _Wait,_ Shinji looked over to Suzuka, _where_ has _Raffle been? She never stopped by._ Pulling out his phone, he looked through the entries until he found hers, and punched the button to dial it. _Have to call someone and let them know we're coming, may as well call her._ After three rings, it went to voicemail, and he tapped the button that would allow him to leave a message, "Hey, Raffle. It's Paladin. Where are you? I haven't seen you since the flight. Call me, I'm worried."

"She's been at the manor once or twice since," Suzuka tilted her head. "She's not said much, and I recognized the signs of a woman in need of privacy. I had assumed she would stop by to see you, though."

Digging through his texts, he found Feelgood's number and called it. "She hasn't. At least, not while I was awake. I didn't see her while I was home. Damn it, this is why I'm…." Cutting himself off as he heard a somewhat confused greeting he changed his tone, "Feelgood, hi. This is Paladin. Do you happen to know where Raffle is? I haven't seen her since the flight home from Ogawa, and I'm getting a little worried. Called her cell, no answer."

"Paladin? Hey. I uh, I thought she was with you. She's on standby, so I haven't had her report in." The jovial leader of NERV's First Air Group became nervous, "I'll call Vidar. You mind checking her apartment? If you're up and about, that is."

"Already on my way. Call me if you find anything, I'll do the same." After receiving a grunt of agreement, Shinji hung up the phone and looked to the woman beside him, "Call home. Ask around. I'm running to the apartment. I think I can keep in touch from longer away now, and if I see something I'll summon you."

"Go carefully, dear heart." She couldn't deny the tactical advantage of splitting their forces, though she was always nervous about doing so with the man she loved being hunted by evil as he was.

Bending down slightly to offer a kiss to the willowy swordswoman, he nodded his agreement, "I will be. I love you, little deer. You also don't have permission to die. I will take it as a lapse in your duty." Stepping back slightly, he turned and dashed off towards his old home. He knew the way, having walked it more than once in his life, and made good time even with Rose perched where she was. _If we arrive, and something's wrong, can you help in any way?_

 _I'm limited,_ the pink-skinned captain groaned. _I'd still really rather not announce my presence to the world. I'll have more options now that you've swallowed the Anchor, because I can have them target things around you easier. Let's not borrow trouble,_ the burst of music from her mouth that was clearly a term of endearment encompassed so much in his mind, _you have a tendency to find plenty of it on your own._

As he approached the apartment complex, he decided to forgo the stairs and attempted something he'd wondered about for some time. If he could run far faster than a human, and he could lift far more than a human…. Bunching his legs, he jumped up the four stories to where both Kodama and Noelle's, as well as Nicolette's, and Misato's apartments resided. _That…was actually kind of fun._ The thrill of discovery and the excitement of being physically capable of greatness danced along his skin. _Focus._ Chastising himself, he moved to where he had aimed for, _Silly, letting myself be distracted._

Pressing the call button, he tapped his foot nervously. The five seconds that he typically waited seemed an eternity, and the lack of response conjured up a great many dark images in his mind. She could be hurt. Lost. Captured. Dead. Each fear fed on another, each birthing ever more disturbing possibilities and reasons for him to never be tied to anyone ever again. He was risking lives by allowing people to love him. He was-

Picking up the phone when it rang, he pressed answer without looking at who was calling, "This is Shinji."

"Paladin, Feelgood. Vidar hasn't heard from her in five days. He just found out about his sister, and wants to meet with you to thank you for doing what you did. Man, that was some serious shit, from what I've seen. Anyway, Raffle does this from time to time. Just up and vanishes. I know things are tense right now, but she's capable. Let's not borrow trouble, man. Plenty seems to find us lately." The man's unknowing echo of Rose's admonition galvanized Shinji into acting.

He grimaced, "Roger. I'll update if I find anything. If Vidar doesn't have my number, would you mind passing it to him? I'd like to…uh, make myself available."

Feelgood snorted, "You'd like to apologize, I know. You're a good kid, but you need to stop blaming yourself for the sun rising. I'll be in touch, out."

Pressing the end call button again, Shinji sent out a mental missive, _Suzi, please tell me she's home._

The reply was not positive, _Hikari has not seen her since yesterday, and her room does not look as if it has seen her presence recently. I am sorry, dear heart. I'm asking the Shirakami if they have any sign of her._

 _Understood. I'm breaking into Kodama's apartment now, I'll let you know if I find anything._ Sizing up the door, he felt Rose pat his head rapidly to stop him, "Hmm?"

The alien captain gestured down to the panel, _Put your hand on the electronic lock. Let me handle this without leaving structural damage._ As he followed instructions, she landed before him and placed her hand atop his. _Need to make it look like you have a key for anyone watching._

As the door dutifully slid open, Shinji could smell the problem before his eyes saw it. _Stay behind me._ Shifting into the fore, he walked into the apartment as if he couldn't see clearly in the darkened rooms. "Raffle?" Reaching for the switch, he found it ineffective at turning on the lights, "Raffle, you home?" Mentally he began gearing himself up to fight. Whether she was in here or not, there were people that didn't belong and he was not going to allow that to stand.

 _Shinji, this is a trap._ Rose's tone was nervous, but he could feel her moving cautiously behind him to support him.

 _First step to countering a trap is knowing it's there._ He could see, in the dark, at least twelve men with what appeared to be night-vision goggles and firearms all trained on him. _Second step to countering it is not giving up the fact that you know it's a trap until it's too late for them to change their plan._ The smell of gunpowder, oil, and masculinity were nearly hidden under a selection of vanilla incense, to the credit of the men waiting to attack once he was inside their kill box. "Raffle, everyone's kind of worried about you. Have you been drinking?" Fumbling as if blind, he staggered through to where they'd anticipate him moving.

 _Dear heart, why are you not summoning me?_ Suzuka's temper was showing, _You had better not be attempting to handle this alone. I am your sword, and this is not sounding like a quaint luncheon date._

 _Pup?_ Maya cautiously entered the discussion, _Do I need to dispatch help?_

Reaching where he could see what he hoped was merely an unconscious Noelle tied to a chair in the center of the main room, now empty of any other furniture so as to not provide him a chance of cover, he did what honor dictated he do, _Sahaquiel. I'm sorry, dear. Please protect Noelle. My A.T. Field will be enough for their firearms._ "Gentlemen," he stood tall, no longer pretending he couldn't see everything clearly, "I'll ask this as a matter of professional ethics. Which of you is the senior ranking?"

If they were surprised, they didn't show it. "Stand down, sir. You are under arrest for-"

"'Stand down sir' is an odd name," Shinji interrupted as the cyclopean Aspect settled down to hug Noelle closely. "Also, probably pretty confusing in the field. Second chance, also the last one: Senior ranking?"

The same voice hardened, his men closing ranks in an L-shaped pattern to press him away from the escape of the main door, "You are surrounded, and we are not asking, sir. You will stand down-"

"Anyone who doesn't want to find out what happened aboard the _Othello_ , this is your chance to set down your rifle, lay down on the floor with your hands over your head, and stay out of it. Give you a three count, to be sporting." Relaxing his hold on his temper, he was prepared to put paid to his declaration he'd protect everyone, "Three."

"Take him out," the unmistakable sound of suppressed firearms with subsonic munitions exploded to life in the enclosed room.

Shinji hoped that Rose wasn't without her own protection, though he doubted she was stupid enough to hang around if she lacked such things. The impacts striking his Field were irritating, at best, and as he looked around the room he tried to make out any ranks adorning the uniforms of the people surrounding him in the occasional bright flash of gunfire striking something other than him. _Maya, I'll likely need a couple of VTOLs to pick up Noelle for treatment and any corpses for disposal. I can't guarantee survivors. I am, to borrow a phrase I heard from Misato, one thousand percent done with this._

 _Already inbound,_ Maya sighed. _Please be careful, Pup._

 _Why am I not by your side?!_ Suzuka was clearly running, by the staccato nature of the cry.

 _Waiting for them to realize how badly they miscalculated._ Walking over to the largest man, who happened to stand at the apex of the angle created by the attacking force, Shinji amazed at how slow the soldier seemed to move in comparison to his training partner. The man lashed out with a butt-stroke of his rifle, only to have the weapon caught firmly in the angered giant's grasp. Everyone else had stopped firing, as there was now a not inconsiderable risk of friendly fire, and moved to try and bury him under a press of bodies. _Suzuka._

A ballet of death followed the explosive blast of lightning that summoned his weapon, the burst of light damaging many of the nearby goggles as the compensators couldn't adapt fast enough to filter out the flaring produced. Suzuka and Rose flowed in opposing directions, beginning their charge at the tails of the formation. Where Suzuka was cold efficiency, lightning strikes dismantling weapons and limbs alike, Rose was ruthless brutality, a juggernaut unleashed upon the unsuspecting.

The pink-skinned Captain demonstrated a flowing martial art style that seemed to rely on torque and overwhelming strength. He learned by the few glimpses he was given while engaging in his own efforts at ruining armor, breaking bones, and shattering spirits that she was likely far stronger and far faster than most humans, if not all humans depending on how much effort she was putting forth.

Another mark to the men's credit, they died nearly silently. Grunts, both pained and of exertion, were all they muttered as they carried through with the doomed ambush. Of the sixteen, eight were down before a counterassault could even be attempted. One man, however, broke ranks. Stepping back, he clearly was attempting to determine strategy. _Found the leader._ Tossing both the subordinate who he'd impaled upon the spear that accompanied Suzuka and the weapon itself aside, Shinji rushed forward and lifted the well-built man to slam him flush against the ceiling, then dropped him to the floor and stomped on his back, wrecking his spine at the waist.

The last few stood no chance, as all of their training was against mortals and not engines of destruction made flesh. Between his own actions, and those of Suzuka and Rose, blood, viscera, and bodily waste was strewn liberally around the apartment before four seconds had elapsed. None of which, of course, was 'friendly'.

"So," as the final standing threat perished with Rose crushing his skull, Shinji crouched down next to the gravely injured leader and used a pair of handcuffs he liberated from a nearby torso to prevent him from attempting anything else, "I think you're now fully aware of how stupid an idea this was. Probably knew beforehand, though. You seem like you were well-trained. Not well-prepared, of course, but well-trained. Before I hand you over to professional interrogators who are going to find out what you know, mind giving me the name of who it was that sold you out? They couldn't have expected this to work. Nobody wealthy enough to equip you like this could possibly have intelligence this poor."

"Fuck you," the man coughed out.

"This is a day full of odd names." Rolling his prisoner over to search his chest, earning a choked cry of anguish, Shinji began taking items that could be used to harm anyone away, "No grenades on you. No odd canisters. Some sharps, probably adrenaline or anti-radiation. Nothing at all that would have even slowed me down. They sent you in with the equivalent of rocks and harsh language, are they holding someone you love hostage?" Dodging a wad of spit, Shinji shook his head and stood clear. _Thank you Sahaquiel. She's safe now, please go rest._

The half-asleep Aspect nodded before winking out of existence, _Thank you, Daddy. I love you._

Shinji continued to exercise good caution, _Rose, is she rigged with anything, or can we get her out of here?_

 _I can't see anything, and the scans show organics only. Flesh, bone, wood from the chair. I think we're clear._ Plucking at her uniform she made a disgusted face, _Do you mind terribly if I go change? This is going to stain if I let it sit much longer._

 _Go. Thank you for your help._ Looking to Suzuka, after Rose left to her ship, he took note that she was busy searching the bodies for anything of importance. His natural state of being took that moment to re-assert itself, and the smell of death surrounding him caused him to swallow back his recent meal, _Please tell me she's alive. I'm…I'm worried about touching her as I am. I can't keep my left hand still._

 _Through your mouth, dear heart. Breathing through your nose only makes it worse,_ Moving sinuously across the floor, she checked for signs of life in the blonde pilot. _Dissociation. She's breathing, but not responding._

Hearing the sounds of a helicopter, Shinji nodded, _Please go direct them here. I'll keep watch._ Grateful that he wasn't alone, and didn't have to leave Noelle with the corpses of the men who'd captured her, he turned back to the sole survivor, "Last chance. You give me a name, I'll ask them to be nice to you." Silence greeted him, the man either too well trained or too dedicated to his mission to respond. The next few minutes were spent avoiding looking at the devastation they'd wrought, and trying to avoid thinking of what might have happened had he not been paranoid.

"Shinji?" Nicolette's voice soon came from the door, further distracting him from the horrors around him. Followed by flashlights bringing illumination that chased away the darkness, both physical and metaphysical, "Shinji, we're coming in."

"Over here," he waved Kaz, Nicolette, and Green over as he saw them enter. "I don't know what they've given her. But she's not responding. Stayed unconscious through gunfire and a not-inconsiderable amount of murder," he looked around. "That one right there is the only one still breathing, I…uhm, I kind of broke him. What can I do to help?" Kaz and Green began quietly consulting on how to proceed with Noelle, motioning for him to stand clear.

"You can get outside, sir," Jake stepped in. "Everyone is safe, we've verified everyone else's location. We've got the scene. Need you to give a statement, and then…not be here. Nicki, you're on him until otherwise instructed."

"Got it," the pixie-like blonde nodded. "Come on, big guy." Tugging on his arm, she smiled the disarming, stage-perfect, smile she had, "Let's get the hard part out of the way."

"One second," he urged her to wait. "Jake-san, he won't speak to me. I offered him several chances to, and he's refused them. I'm pretty sure I broke his back…I don't expect you to be nice to someone who was waiting for Kodama. I'm certain he wouldn't have been nice to her." The way the man's song shifted from determination to surprise told him everything he needed to know, "Noelle was incidental. She was their target."

"Oh dear," Jake clicked his tongue. "Threatening the family of a man who goes toe-to-toe with Godzilla. Boy, that's a new level of stupid." Reaching Shinji, he grasped his shoulder and whispered, "Let it go. You saved two lives, and these men wanted to take them. Death is what we bring to those stupid enough to seek it, sir. Now go with Nicki. She'll take care of you." Ordering the agents who'd come along to begin tagging and photographing everything, he urged Shinji out of the room.

When Nicolette took his arm again, he smiled weakly as they moved to the door, "Nicolette, you're going to get blood all over your nice suit. I know the water pressure in this building isn't anywhere near enough to help get that kind of staining out." Once he was out in the open-air walkway that connected all of the apartments on the floor, he saw Suzuka holding her phone carefully to avoid bloodying it with the bodily fluids that seemed to cover more than two thirds of her form, "We…really did get drenched, didn't we?" His head dipped before he felt her push on his chest, "Huh?"

"Hey, hey," Nicolette twisted gracefully to stand before him, drawing his attention, "eyes on me, big guy. Smile at the pretty lady, yeah? How often do you have the chance to take a victory lap with a former Miss Washington County, huh?" Drawing him towards the stairs, she kept her best smile out, "I mean, that's got to be some kind of reward for saving the damsel in distress."

He quickly figured out that he probably looked worse than he thought he did, and the energetic agent was doing what she could to get him somewhere safe before he lost his composure. He also realized as he started down to the ground floor via the stairs that she was right, and he needed to play along before he came completely back down to Earth. He'd killed people, this time while perfectly rational. This time, he didn't have the benefit of berserker rage to hide behind, "I…uh, I think the hero usually gets a kiss in those stories. I doubt I'm-"

Dancing quickly back up to the top step of the stairwell, she used the height advantage she'd gained to take his head in both hands and press her lips to his enthusiastically. After the element of surprise wore off, she stepped back and winked, "There. I'm sure Captain Minders will give you her own, but that should hold you until you can get a proper reward for saving the day."

"I…." He blinked, now distinctly distracted from other problems. "Uhm…thank you."

"Anytime," she had exchanged her stage smile for the one she used when she was truly pleased by things. "Now, watch the stairs. We'd use the elevator but they're holding it for priority passengers."

"We must hurry," Suzuka floated past, uncaring that the foreign-born agent had used what she could to distract Shinji. She intended to engage in much the same, once they were freed to do so. The unfortunate side-effect of her having been involved in such extreme bloodshed, the physical arousal it caused, needed to be tended to soon and she desired that it be tended to by his touch. "The Shirakami will be extracting us to somewhere that we may clean ourselves without frightening anyone at home. I would prefer to be done with any NERV business before they arrive."

"I…uhm," Shinji hurried behind the living weapon, "I thought we should go in with Noelle? She'll wake up scared, I should be there to-"

"She will likely not wake for several hours, nor be allowed to speak to anyone but those responsible for safety and security for several more hours after that. I have seen similar sedatives, and they take time to wear off. While television shows may romanticize the entire affair, we would only be in the professionals' way as they attempt to remedy this grievous hole in our security posture." She paused on one of the lower landings and looked to Nicolette, "Am I correct?"

"It's true," she agreed with a frown of irritation. "Though it might be possible-"

"It would be inadvisable," Suzuka cut her off as well. "We shall have time to clean ourselves properly, and to discuss what we must do on our own to guarantee the safety of those we are responsible for." Carefully avoiding the mental channels, she turned to proceed, "We have our duty, Your Grace. I have spoken with your wife, and she has agreed to my plan."

Her song spoke clearly enough that what she said was true. And while he couldn't help but feel like he was missing something specific, he also accepted that his impulsiveness was beginning to get out of hand. "If you say so, Suzi."

+++++ 13th Angel + 5: Friday (85)

It was a tense twenty minutes that followed, with Suzuka standing directly against Shinji, holding his arm tightly. The reason she gave him, mentally, was that he needed to be steadied. His own opinion, though, was that her logic didn't hold much water. He was holding steady on his own, with no small amount of help from Nicolette who managed to keep him from dwelling while asking him questions in the same gentle manner he'd seen her use with Nozomi and Sakura. In all, the smallest of all the agents he knew had her stock skyrocket in his eyes, and he was confident that when he asked that she keep him up to date with Noelle that she would do so enthusiastically. He was, also, surprised when it was Nanako that arrived in a large delivery-van style vehicle to take them somewhere. "The day keeps growing more and more odd."

"We'll get them checked out by our people," Nanako stated with firm authority. "Shinji, I need you to come with us, ok? We need to talk. It's about one of the Shirakami in your house."

Blinking, Shinji realized that Yang was also his responsibility, and a member of the Shirakami. With an attack on Kodama's apartment, even if it only caught Noelle, there would logically be concerns about all of the 'soft targets'. "Of course," helping Suzuka up into the vehicle, impressed that she was so eager to get inside of one, he turned to hug Nicolette goodbye before stopping himself, "Thank you for your…oh. Blood, uhm…."

Taking his shirt in her much smaller hands, she tugged him down to give him another kiss, "Be safe, Shinji. I'm trusting the Shirakami with your safety, and if you get hurt it's my ass on the line."

Remembering a recent conversation, he smiled weakly, "I have it on good authority that I am not alone in feeling that it is a phenomenal ass, so that would not be a good thing to risk."

Nanako slapped the car door repeatedly to draw his attention, "Shinji, van, now."

"Right, sorry," he called before clenching his jaw, swearing viciously under his breath. "Everyone. Everyone is bossing me around."

Nicolette urged him towards the van, a new smile on her face, "Go. We'll talk soon."

Climbing into the side of the van, he took a seat on the sideways-facing bench and let the tiny agent close the door. Nanako barely waited for the pixie to be clear before accelerating off and setting her window to rolling up, "Someone's leaking information to the enemy, Shinji."

"I don't doubt that." He suddenly had a lap full of swordswoman, "Suzi?"

"Shh," she clung to him tightly. "I find no comfort riding in these damnable contraptions. Hold me, please."

With no seatbelts to be seen, he could do nothing but. "Of course." Accepting her curling against his chest, her hip rubbing against him as she rocked subtly, seemingly attempting to soothe herself, he swallowed before looking back to Nanako, "Are we going to be moving Yang back out of the house? I'd understand completely, if that was Xuefan-san's decision."

"Hmm? No, no sweetie." Nanako waved the idea off. "She's much safer wherever you are, after all."

"Then…?" He thought through the roster of everyone else in the house that was tied to the Shirakami, "Who was the person we're worried about?"

"Me," Suzuka whispered. "Please. Discuss other matters, I'm focusing as best I can right now. We'll speak at our destination."

"We're coordinating with your wife to find the source of the leak, Shinji," Nanako ignored his question, assuming Suzuka had it in hand. "The more often they attempt this, the narrower we've been able to focus on potential people. We have it down to a handful, and none of them are people we really want to end up guilty."

"Like who?" He could feel Suzuka's breathing becoming irregular, and so he held her tighter in an attempt to help her settle her nerves. When the opposite reaction blossomed and she became more excited, he looked down and prepared to ask what was wrong, ending up distracted again when Nanako spoke.

"I wish I could tell you, sweetie. But if I say who they may be, you might act different around them and that would change their behavior making all of our efforts worthless. We are aggressively pursuing them, please trust when I say that we aren't going to sit around waiting for them to send more people to hurt anyone. We're intensely angry that this happened, and I assure you that nobody back at Kodama's apartment is calm about it either. We're just all trying not to set you off, and I think if you think about it you'll understand why we're concerned about your temper lately." Nanako pulled off to the side of the road next to a non-descript building, parking expertly against a cloth tunnel that had been set up to prevent anyone from seeing who exited the van, "Follow Suzuka-chan. Get clean, get your head right. I promise, we're in contact with everyone from your house."

"I owe you dearly, Nanako-san," Suzuka stood first, throwing the door open. "Please, dear heart, trust that your people, both Shirakami and NERV, are working on discovering why it is that someone was able to do what they did. I _need_ help."

"Please keep me as informed as possible," Shinji worked against being dragged out of the vehicle for long enough to implore Nanako. "Suzi," shifting his momentum as he stood inside of the tunnel, he yanked Suzuka back and scooped her, protesting, over his shoulder in one fluid motion. Swatting her on the bottom, he growled, "stop pulling on my arm." Irritation standing in his eyes, he raised one eyebrow at the club owner, "Please?"

Recognizing a man on the edge of losing control over his temper again, Nanako engaged her more frequently used instincts and gave him a comforting smile, "I will, Shinji. Gen sends his condolences, and his affection. We both will share what we can, as we can."

"Thank you." Bowing as much as he dared with a squirming burden on his shoulder, he turned around to move towards the building entrance. "Suzi," letting her flow down to her own feet, he glowered at her, "why are you trying to make me be rude? What is so important that we couldn't just use the showers at NERV? A member of our family is heading to the hospital, and you wanted to come…where are we exactly?"

Pushing the doors open to the high-class spa the Shirakami elders used, she gestured him towards the ladies' side of the building. "We are where I may see some relief from an abominable affliction that I have never quite mastered, despite several hundred years of efforts to do so."

"Why am…never mind," accepting that going along with her was going to get him back to NERV faster than continuing to ask questions, he held the door to the female half of the establishment open for her as he worked his shoes off his feet. "I hope that they understand we're leaving bloody prints everywhere?"

"We are neither the first nor the last to use this facility to clean ourselves after blood has been drawn," Suzuka waited until the door was closed before pulling on the broad strip of cloth that bound her traditional robes together. "The employees here are discrete, the facility well-supplied, and most importantly there are no infernal devices that may spy on us."

Blushing and turning aside, Shinji only caught a glimpse of her bindings before he faced away, "That…is a fair complaint about cleaning ourselves at NERV. I've often wondered if there are cameras in the changing rooms, and the showers."

A soft touch trailed along his neck as she stepped behind him to take his shirt at the collar, "Am I unsightly?"

"You're…anything but," he shook his head. "It's just, you're undressing. Staring at you would be-" The ripping of cloth as the shirt he was wearing was violently reduced to twin halves clinging to the sleeves caused him to pause for several heartbeats, which allowed her to speak her mind.

"Your Grace," twisting the remains of his shirt to tie his wrists together, Suzuka moved to stand before him, "I am imploring you for your aid." Ducking under the loop his bound-together arms now made, she made short work of dropping his pants, "I have petitioned Her Grace for a stay of her judgement, so that I might settle our nerves following the evening's events." Stepping on his pants as she twisted her arms behind her to work on her own bindings, she walked him out of them towards the shower, "I do not ask this lightly, nor did I anticipate the need arising this early into our courtship. We, those of us charged with guarding you, have struggled to keep the necessity for true combat with humans far from you, as the common vulgarity of it is far beneath someone assigned your higher calling."

The delicate fabric she preferred floated free of her form, revealing a pleasantness of shape that Shinji could no longer keep his eyes from seeing without risking tripping over her. "I…uhm…." Swallowing, he felt his own pulse beginning to accelerate, "We…."

"Maya-dono is aware of my intent," expertly working him to where he could be sat down on the benches used to shower off, Suzuka pressed him back until he collapsed onto one. "I have shed blood for you, dear heart. I have had my head filled with your gentle nature, your thunderous might, for long enough to know what it is I ask of you." Climbing so that she knelt on either side of him, she pressed her generously proportioned attributes against his face as she reached behind him to pull down the spray nozzle, "You are not a man to casually take a woman who offers herself." Sitting back, she flicked on the water to set it warming, "You are not a man who gives in to his own lusts."

Feeling her moving against him, he could not deny that 'lust' was a very good choice of words at the moment. He was terrified that Noelle was hurt. He was worried that the women he was married to were worried about his health. He was anxious about Nozomi and Sakura, what they might have been told. Each of his obligations presented themselves dutifully as a reason to not go along with what was easily the most nebulously overt request for sex he'd ever seen. He could, without any difficulty, free his hands. Steel would likely not be much of an impediment for him, cloth was as air to his physical prowess. It was the _intent_ of the manacles that stayed him, and to his increasing confusion, his own desires.

"I am asking you, then," she turned the water on both of them, sluicing off the looser bits of ichor, "for compromise."

Nerves fought with what he thought was best, and both warred with desire, "That's, uhm, not a euphemism I'm familiar with in regard to this." Smiling as he hoped his joke landed well, he was greeted with honest and heartfelt laughter from the warrior before him, "Though…." He swallowed, wondering if he might not be the reason each future Nozomi saw was terrible, "Maybe we could co-opt that into something between us. A way to ask for…indulgence, without outright saying anything."

She set down the nozzle, letting it spray at their legs, "Would you?" Picking up the soap to spread across his chest, she massaged as she cleansed, "Would you _compromise_ with me, dear heart?"

Her touch was skilled, far beyond the naïve fumbling of either of his wives. The fruit of over four hundred years of practice was evident as she manipulated his flesh. "I…am trying not to tear my shirt any more than it is."

Sitting up on her knees, she ran her tongue along his cheek, "That's where the actual need for compromise came from." Her hot, breathy, whispers against his ear worked their magic, pulling him into her sway, "You will do nothing. You will allow me to do what I _need_ ," the way she said the word caused his knees to tingle, "and as penance for not yet mastering my temper I shall be denied your reciprocity."

He frowned, his eagerness dimming, "I don't think-"

"In return," she tapped his back to silence him, "when next we do this I will be at your mercy. I will allow you to fill me with delights such as you see fit, never with one word of complaint that I am not allowed to provide you with what joys I am able to." Sliding back down, she worked the soap along her own body in full view of him, "We are both being punished, Shinji. You, for giving in to the whims of a wanton woman. I, for not mastering myself before I ask that you gift yourself to me."

"I…still gain from this," he was being seduced successfully, and he knew it. "There is no other possible way to view what you do here tonight than as pleasure for us both, Suzi. I can't imagine a world in which I have…have this, and don't feel like the luckiest man on Earth."

"Careful," she washed away more of the blood that had soaked their arms, "that almost sounded like a 'yes'."

He knew there were two choices before him. He could fight the will of his wives, the desires of the women he'd gathered around him, and stay true to his own thoughts of appropriate lifestyles. Or, he could give in to those things that fed into the futures that Hikari saw. Sliding his arms towards his torso, he pulled her waist against him, "If we do this. There's no going back."

"I do not wish to return to the life I had," her fingers danced along his shoulders. "My former husband has lost what I offer you, and even my alliance with the Shirakami is contingent on their continued well treatment of you. I am yours, Shinji. From now until creation itself crumbles around our heads."

He could accept her honesty easily, "I…have many obligations."

"I will, from time to time, enjoy helping you _compromise_ with them," her smile was mischievous.

His honor demanded that he make things clear, though his body was once more eagerly anticipating his surrender, "Any woman in our household that agrees to be with you, I don't care. But _nobody_ outside of our home. I will accept those people Hikari feels appropriate, for the reasons she feels them appropriate, but I…I am being asked to reside as some demented emperor over the best women in the world. No human, man or woman, will be given approval to touch me in this way save by the needs of the future she sees. I will ask that you not allow…." Letting his head hang back, he stared at the ceiling. She was asking for help, and he was putting firm limits down that wouldn't be helping her. She was asking for his touch, and he was limiting her. He was essentially asking her to marry him. He didn't want to deny her what freedom she'd gained, nor did he want to be the kind of man to ask someone freshly divorced to throw themselves on the first man to ask. "I'd ask that you marry me but-"

She interrupted the rest of his thought without hesitation, "Suzuka Ikari has a lovely ring to it, I accept your proposal." Leaning up, she slid him home, "Hmmmm…. A very lovely ring to it. It shall be my first, and only, family name." Settling down around him, she smiled warmly, "I am your blade, dear heart. I am the hand of death that shadows your displeasure." Subtly rocking, her words became less well formed the more engaged she became, "Maya-dono is your conscience. Hikari-san is your will. I shall gladly kneel before them to ask that they share their name. Strong, honorable, brave women that…that…."

Words soon became unnecessary, as pleasure overrode speech. The woman who had trained as an assassin, who made her living erasing the corrupt, the heinous, the filth of the world that made their money trafficking in the worst kinds of human misery…had found her home. There would be no more need for temporary alliances, for accepting the decade or so of warmth and companionship from a man destined to die long before she would. With each lingering touch, she bound herself tighter and tighter around the pillar of eternity that would guide her into a future she never believed possible.

+++++ 13th Angel + 6: Saturday (86)

"He's distracted," Maya announced tersely.

"Are you certain they're connected?" Misato looked to Lily, "If I do this, I'm risking being down to a single pilot against any further Angels. You said yourself that you won't be of much help in those fights."

"The shard within her mind could very easily have caused her to act as something of a double-agent. Your own intelligence services have narrowed it down to women who I'm positive would not wish to see Shinji harmed, and her." The Night Mother shrugged, "Not that she wishes to see Shinji harmed. Her mind has not been her own, Beautiful. Removing the shard fully was only the first step, now you need to deal with the gestalt that's formed or she might simply continue acting…erratically."

"Misato," Maya reached over and gripped the taller woman's shoulder, "she's better. But we need to make certain she's _well_. She's a dramatically different young lady already, she and I had an actual, pleasant, conversation with each other. If Lily says she can manage this, I trust her. Because if she screws us, she knows that I'll unleash Suzuka on her."

"Threaten me with a good time," Lily giggled, well aware of what the woman was currently doing to the man they loved. "I managed to protect an aspect of Shinji's self against far worse than this child can summon, ladies. The only risk you face is that she will feel…inherently drawn to him." She rolled her fingers around, "The shard has spent years bombarding her with the desire to mate exclusively, and repeatedly, with the best man she could find. Unless, of course, you doubt that Lover is he, that's Shinji. Whoever it is that twisted it to include regular reports to that 'doctor' also wanted that to proceed."

"I doubt Shinji would do anything," Misato frowned. "So why are you calling that a risk?"

"Because she'd be another woman you're sharing him with, Beautiful," the Second Angel smiled charmingly. "This one has been massively possessive over his attention in nearly every reality they've coexisted within. The reality he's from…." Her tone darkened, "Well, let's just leave it at things hadn't been handled well." Looking at Misato with hard eyes, she dropped a great deal of her playfulness, "I'm going to recommend you listen very well when you and Shinji have that talk. You fucked him up good, Misato Katsuragi. Now, kindly authorize this so that I can start doing what I need to do to unfuck a worsening situation."

"Suzuka will not be able to keep him distracted forever," Maya urged. "It's almost one, and he's going to be coming here as soon as he's done…." She trailed off as she realized what she had just been about to admit.

Lily grinned at the chance to engage in wordplay, _Coming there?_ "Cleaning off the blood he was covered in defending someone he considers family. It's difficult to remember at times that he is capable of a level of physical brutality that has not been seen on your planet before," she turned back to Misato, "but he takes his role as protector very seriously."

"Therapy." Misato let her head dip, "I need to arrange for therapy for both Asuka and Shinji. And Rei, if she wakes up."

 _We should tell her,_ Maya sent the thought to Lily. _She deserves the truth._ "If we stay around after the final Angel, I'll be joining them in seeing someone about all of this."

Misato decided to leave the possibility of Shinji and his family 'leaving' meaning 'leaving Earth' for another day, "And you're worried he could stop you?"

"He's terrified that he's manipulating people into loving him. Still. Despite both myself and Rose telling him he is not," Lily shrugged. "Nobody is going to be able to keep Asuka's potential involvement a secret for very long around him. He is neither stupid, nor inobservant, and if he feels I'm 'changing' her he'll intervene. The best thing to do, for now, is to put her under sedation and say that you've determined she was the culprit. He'll understand, and I'll explain afterwards. Simple."

She needed to know the truth, "And you're not changing her?"

"We've been over this," Lily groaned, "I am hoping to restore the dominant personality, the superego that she had developed prior to being accosted, to a position of total control. The external personalities, those that she gained as she dealt with the trauma of being assaulted by a Scion in human form, are parasites at best. Would you worry overmuch about me removing ticks from her? Leeches?"

"There is no chance that she did this of her own free will, Misato," Maya gestured towards the room Asuka slept within. "We can save her, prove her innocence, and stop information from leaking. She deserves a chance to find a normal life. It's better than just locking her away and trying to medicate her into compliance. If we wait until after the Angels, she could leak something that would manage to kill someone. We've had three near misses at least, let's not keep pressing our luck."

Misato prayed that the two women were right, "…Do it."

+++++ 13th Angel + 6: Saturday (86)

Shinji walked alone into NERV, having sent Suzuka back to the house to guard everyone and act as his eyes there. A part of him thrilled at what he had been gifted, another sought to beat him down for accepting it. It was a sign of maturity that he wasn't quite aware of how he was currently ignoring both. He had made his choice, now it was time for him to accept the repercussions. Many of the night shift personnel were on their 'lunch' break, and as he passed them in the halls he smiled in greeting, or waved, or bowed in return. Men and women working their hardest to do thankless tasks were surprised to see him, and he tried to be the man they thought him to be. They deserved no less in his eyes.

It meant, of course, that he was delayed in arriving to his destination, but he accepted it as the price of his life being as it was. He did not operate alone, nor without support. Each link on the chain from him down to the kindly older woman mopping the floor that he spoke to was important in his eyes. If that meant taking a picture with her so that she could show her granddaughter, then that meant smiling and liking it. The kiss on the cheek he was given by her, followed by an admonition that he remember to get some sleep, helped in the 'liking it', he was willing to admit.

The elevator doors opened, admitting him into the Tower, and he tried to hold onto that spirit of service. Two of the rooms were filled with women who were harmed for being involved with him. One alone, the other with what appeared to be Vidar and his wife sitting with her. Each deserving of much greater sacrifice on his part, and once more he found himself wanting to be able to split himself into two so that he could spend a little time with each showing them how he felt.

"Shh," Kaz motioned. "Over here," he gestured towards a side chamber where they could speak without risking waking anyone. Sliding the door closed as soon as they were safely inside, the big corpsman turned with a grave look, "Ok. I'm kind of breaking protocol here, as there is no file on record that would release Captain Minders' information to you. The reason I'm talking to you is that if she woke up and I hadn't, I might need to fear for my life."

Shinji chuckled morosely at the truth of that statement, "I'll keep it in confidence, then. I'd like it if you could help me write up forms for everyone in my house, I'll talk to them about it so that they can sign them and we can all feel confident that their rights are protected without risking information not being shared in a timely manner. Obviously any forms needed for me as well."

"You've already signed them," Kaz smirked. "You signed a general release form as part of your first trip here. Temple wanted to make sure that your family, for any definition of the word, wasn't kept in the dark about your health. Anyone who lives with you, for the time they live with you, can request updates on you. You'd have to specify who you _don't_ want to know for them to be excluded. I'll see about prepping the same for your ladies, Paladin. Though I'll pray we don't need them save for the occasional pregnancy."

"Thank you," he nodded gratefully. The legal matters always seemed to catch up to him at the oddest times, "So…is she…?"

Kaz shook his head, "Still unconscious. We had blood panels drawn, and the labs came back about fifteen minutes ago with what we think is what she was given. Problem is, the counteragent to that is pretty rough on the body. Green thinks it would be better to just let her sleep it off, unless she was absolutely needed for debriefing. The CID hacked off on it, after discussing it with the Sub-Commander, and now here you are. All I ask is that when you go in, you keep quiet. She's going to wake up confused, angry, and afraid. It'll be like she's back in the apartment, so it's better for her medically that she get as much rest as she can while we monitor her vitals. If she pops while you're in there, soothe her, jam the red button, and be ready to leave."

"Understood." He hated that he had to leave her, he hated that he knew they were right, but his duty was clear. To find the people that would hurt his family, he had to let them think less of him. "Thank you, Kaz. For everything." Gripping the big man's shoulder, he squeezed firmly, "You're a good man, and I am honored to have you at my side."

"Coming from you, that's probably the best compliment I'll ever receive, sir." The man's smile was wistful, "Go see your ladies. Just remember what I said."

Dropping his hand, Shinji slid the door open quietly. Without making a sound, he crossed the room to check in and verify that Kelly was asleep. When the lithe redhead's eyes fluttered open, he smiled through a wince, "I'm sorry, Kelly. I just wanted to check in on you before I stepped in to check on Noelle."

"No, no," her hand trembled as she tried to offer it for him to hold. "I'm…glad to see you."

Scooping up her hand, he narrowed his eyes, "You're cold. Do you need another blanket?"

"Painkillers," she swallowed. "Play merry hob with my circulation." Taking a deep breath, she exhaled with a loopy smile, "Your hands are warm. I can see why your wives hold them whenever possible." Laughing tiredly, she looked up at him, "I have no idea what I'm going to do, sir. I'm…I'm lost. Out at sea, no radio, middle of a fog bank, dead engines…."

As much as he wanted to be there if Noelle awoke, he recognized that his responsibilities didn't begin or end with any one woman. Hooking a rolling stool with his foot, he pulled it over to sit upon, "But you're not alone." With his emotions returned, he could project his gratitude to her for what she'd done, "I know how it feels to think you've got nothing going for you, to have your own mind screaming about how useless you are, it's terrible. But you are _not_ alone, Kelly. After everything you've done to help my family, to help me, I'll never abandon you out there in the cold." Grinning, he tried to exude warmth, "I'm not sure if people in Ireland would accept a letter of reference from a Japanese high schooler, but if you'd rather return home I'd be glad to send you there with glowing recommendations."

"What about you?" She blinked owlishly, "Who'd take on your load, hmm?"

"I don't know," he answered honestly. "I do know it won't be easy to replace someone with your qualifications." Running a gentle hand along her forearm, he worried at how cold she felt, "You know how I think. You know where it all started going wrong. You've been there to help me as I tried to be a leader, and when I tried to be a friend. Whoever it might be will have enormous shoes to fill, but I don't want you to think about that. You have a life too, Kelly Chambers. You _matter_. Whatever you choose to do, do it because you want to."

"I can't do what I want." She poked at his knuckles, "Can't afford to. You need help. You need someone to keep the parasites away. Someone to see through the fake grins, to note the hidden knives. But the Navy won't pay me to be tied to a civilian." She snorted, "The UN wants me to be your leash. I won't take money to spy on you, I'm no buddy fucker." Her eyebrows knit and she looked away, "I want to stay and help, I want to know that I did everything I could…."

Shinji reached over and turned her chin back towards him, "What if…well, I recently had my house expanded." Holding up the hand he'd used to ask for patience, he made his intentions clear, "I'm not asking you to do anything you don't feel comfortable doing, but I'd be happy to pay you what I can myself. I might be able to convince the Shirakami to chip in, seeing as they were the ones looking at filling your position if you left. Since you'd be losing your room here on base, I could trade room and board for a few bedtime stories a week to Team Rainbow."

She shook her head slowly, "Sir, I-"

"My name is Shinji, Kelly. I'm not in uniform, you're not in uniform…stop." He set his free hand on her shoulder, "You'll need help. Support. Physical therapy is going to be painful, cooking is going to be difficult, shopping, finding free time to relax, there are thousands of things that will be hard to do solo while you recover." His tone softened, "You're right. You've got a storm building on the horizon, and you've got no engines. I'm offering harbor from the hurricane, and I'm not asking you to do anything you'd find distasteful. You _like_ interacting with Nozomi, I'm sure you'll love Sakura. We all love you. If the UN pulls their heads out of their fourth point of contact, you can change your mind later. If not?" He shrugged, "I keep my running partner around."

"I…I don't know that Maya wants me around," she whispered, loyalty to Shinji outweighing the discomfort the statement caused.

"I think she wants you somewhere safe." He felt he knew his wife well enough to state that as fact, "You have a chance to leave, a chance to go home to Ireland. Not many people have that chance now, and after we lost two and a half thousand people in Nevada, she wants to do what she can to save whoever she can."

Her eyes went wide, "I-I hadn't…."

"My wife, Kelly, is ten times more compassionate than I am. She'll bend over backwards to help anyone she can, and after everything that's happened she's even more determined to fight until nothing remains to save." His smile grew as he thought on the woman he loved, "She's a good woman, someone I try hard not to disappoint. But," his eyes refocused on the lady before him, "she'd be disappointed in me if I didn't make the offer. Do what you want. My offer stands, as does the UN's." Standing, he bent over and kissed her forehead, "For now, though, sleep. You aren't going to decide anything until you aren't on narcotics, I won't let you."

She watched as he left the room through drooping eyes, a single tear matching her smile.

+++++ 13th Angel + 6: Saturday (86)

Lily floated into Asuka's soul, looking about at the random chaos with a sigh. Haphazard splotches of language floated into and out of existence, mixtures of the three main dialects the flame-haired pilot was familiar with shouting with conflicting emotions on a variety of subjects that no sane mind would form into cohesive thought. Cries for her mother, for Shinji, for the noise to stop, all of the fear and loathing she possessed was drowning out those three understandable impulses, "This child has not been well tended."

"Oh, I've done what I can," a familiar voice spoke with the equivalent of a verbal shrug. "It's hard to work with subpar material."

"Hmm?" Shooing away a giant 'PERVERT' that was flashing in an aggressively irritating manner, the Night Mother looked around for the source of the voice, "I'm sorry. I was under the impression that I'd managed to clear out any lingering remnants of Adam's wayward children. Please do continue, I'll come find you."

"Wayward?" The voice laughed, "Probably accurate. Though I'd disagree with 'child', O Lamia."

Lily blinked, "Now that's a name I've not heard in ages." Snapping her fingers, she flattened the surrounding landscape of misshapen words, leaving no room to hide, "You do sound _dreadfully_ familiar, though I'm terribly sorry that I can't remember every grudge-bearing woman in existence."

"I admit," a woman pulsed into being, her hands spread in surrender, "I did bear a grudge for a long, long time, Apple Bearer."

"…Eve," sighing the name in irritation, Lily pinched the bridge of her nose. "I must be losing my edge, if I hadn't pieced this together. Though, I'm shocked that Adam managed to think of something so cunning. He's not typically known for using lust as a weapon, considering the trouble it got him in last time."

Calf-length black tresses swayed as Eve smiled condescendingly, "My former husband had nothing to do with this, Screech Owl. I am here on the invitation of this poor, lost, child of yours."

"I doubt that," holding out a hand, she displayed the crystalline structure of the shard that had been painstakingly removed from Asuka's head. "This look familiar? These don't normally wind up in people of their own free will. Works against the grain, so to speak."

"Why?! Why did you do it?!" Eve's voice imitated Asuka's perfectly, never dropping her smile as she recreated a scene from three years prior, "Just…get out of my mind! I don't want to think about you! Pervert! Lecher! I'd give anything to go back to normal…." Shrugging, she placed her fingers together before her abdomen, "And so she gave, Pretty Witch. She gave and gave these past years, while I fought to spare her from Tabris' depredations."

"Sweetie," Lily walked over with an increasing air of menace, "honey, sugar-tits, if you don't start using my name I'm going to rip your throat out and dump your carcass in a ditch." Standing in front of the woman that was doomed to replace her by those that came before, she leaned in and lowered her voice to a whisper, "I have precious little patience right now, and none for shrinking violets that can't exercise even nominal self-control."

"And kill your dear Shinji's only shieldmaiden?" Meeting the woman she replaced halfway, she kissed her lingeringly.

Slipping one finger under Eve's chin, Lily pushed her back, "Ok. No." Narrowing her eyes in confusion, she tried to see what a woman that once declared unending war on her and her children could possibly be thinking, "I'm honored, but I'll pass on feeding off of you until I know what you're doing here."

"Saving Asuka Langley Soryu," she stated as if it were self-evident. "We're inside someone's soul space, Lilith. I _can't_ lie."

Grabbing the other eternal being's breast, she squeezed and twisted hard, "Eve."

Hissing through her teeth, the dark-haired former wife of Adam grimaced, "Tabris has gone insane. He wants to wipe all of Creation clean, leave nothing behind!" Sucking in a lungful of air as Lily's grip eased, she swallowed, "He's been working with the Scions, killing your children. He set the Scion to attack dear Asuka years ago, he placed the Scion on your Rose's ship to attack Shinji, he has them convinced that by either turning Shinji to the Judges' side or by killing Shinji, the Judges can take true control over Creation and kill you."

Leaving her hand where it was, she reduced the pressure to a caress, "How does that figure into wiping Creation clean?"

"It's his goal, not theirs," she sighed. "You know as well as I do those fanatics don't think, they're a cudgel not a scalpel. The Judges don't care what they do, so long as they answer when called. Their efforts at countering your plan unbalance Shinji, which plays into their desires. They don't see the long plan, because they don't believe anyone is crazy enough to willingly destroy everything permanently."

"Yes, yes, I get that," Lily increased the pressure, " _why_ is he doing it?"

"He's the Angel of Free Will, and we're in a deterministic universe," Eve panted, the hint of pain tingling at her mind. "Why do you _think_ he's doing it? To him, everything is pointless!"

"Straw Nihilism? What is it with your children that they turn out so…aggressively naïve?" Releasing her grasp, she turned and went to leave, "Thanks for the tip, sweetie, but I'd recommend you evacuate the premises. I have a husband to pleasure until he can't think straight, and I can't do that until this bundle of neuroses isn't feeding information to psychopathic Angels."

"I can't," Eve followed after. "I made a deal."

Lily paused, not turning around, "With one of _my_ children?"

"She signed in blood, Lilith. I can't abandon her until the deal is fulfilled." Moving to where she could face her former enemy, she massaged the pain away on herself, "I don't make the rules, you know that. She carved into herself, swearing that she'd give anything to 'go back to normal'. I moved in before Tabris could finish cementing the shard, and I've spent years piecing her back together. If I hadn't, the shard would have been _alive_ and attempting to pursue Shinji. You owe me."

Cursing in a tongue that hadn't been spoken since Creation was young as she wheeled back to glare hatred at her foe, Lily wrapped the fingers of her right hand around Eve's throat, "I owe you a painful, lingering death, _Snake_. I watched tens of thousands of my children crumble to ash each morning as your armies burned world after world, and now you think to make some claim on me for saving your own worthless hide, Executioner of Eden?"

"I…. Help!" Struggling against the implacable force before her, she forced the words out, "I…. Swear…. Serve…. Shinji…."

Tugging her hand away as if burned, dropping Eve to her knees, the Night Mother's jaw fell, "You what?"

Coughing as she manipulated her throat back into order, Eve staggered to her feet, "I will serve Shinji Ikari, as the new Lord of All Creation. Once Asuka has returned to 'normal', or upon her death, I will offer him my neck to take my energies." Swallowing painfully, she lifted her chin proudly, "You cannot deny me, Mother of Night. I know you are sworn to his service as well."

A slow smile spread across Lily's lips as she turned to walk away once more, the realization that after endless conflict, bloodshed, and destructive wars, she'd finally won without lifting a finger, "Actually…we're equals. He offered such to me of his own free will."

Eve realized too late that she couldn't withdraw the oath, "He… _HE WHAT?!_ "

+++++ Author's Notes:

JaceSterne:

RE: Idunn.

I tried not to overstay that scene, as there wasn't a single canon character present. Some of the feedback I've received is that there has been too much focus on non-canon characters, and as a result I've tried to balance their screen-time. Glad that it still had punch, though.

RE: Counting.

Yep, the six hundred and sixteen was intentional. Now, why did I choose it? That's something I won't share yet. The three thousand two hundred and fifty six? That was chosen because of a research paper that I read a while ago. Galaxy NGC 3256, according to their research, contains a substantial amount of dark matter. This, in turn, has caused some interesting thoughts on modified Newtonian dynamics. Which, in turn, caused me to think about what might be possible inside of a Dirac Sea when you involve non-Newtonian physics. So yeah. The total personnel value was specifically chosen because I'm a massive nerd.

RE: Akkadian.

Not chosen from a hat, however. How far back does the conspiracy go, one wonders.

Starfire99: RE: REM

I wouldn't venture to guess how human Shinji's mind is. The old adage of, "If the human mind were simple enough to understand, we would be too simple to understand it", is quite apt.

origamishishou: RE: Idunn.

Her apples are still important. The question one might wonder, however, is who is Þjazi?


	101. Chapter 101

+++++ 13th Angel + 6: Saturday (86)

Shinji's entrance was noticed first by Jorth, who immediately stood and subsumed him in a hug that would have swallowed a smaller man whole. Cautiously returning the gesture, he saw Thor set aside the reports he'd been reading and nodded in greeting. When the big man stood as well, crossing over to grip Shinji's shoulder with a look that promised undying loyalty, the Lord of Poetry found himself at a loss for words.

Thor's wife, being who she was, pushed both men out into the antechamber and closed the door to Noelle's room. Turning back to Shinji, she had tears in her eyes, "I never thought the spirits meant what they said in quite so literal a sense, Your Grace. You truly are the Defender of Light, beating back the dark wherever it tries to gain hold."

"I have nothing I could give you to equal what you have given me, my brother," Thor's voice was thick with emotion, though his face was as stony as ever. "You have returned my blood sister, my liten eple from the gates of Hel itself, you have saved the life of the woman I consider a sister in spirit, and here I stand with empty hands. Ask of me, from here 'til the wolf swallows the moon, and I will move mountains."

"No, no," Shinji held his hands out, shaking his head firmly, "please. I know that both Idunn and Noelle would do the same for me. I didn't do this for praise, or to extract promises. I just…I just wanted them safe."

"It's too late, brother mine," Jorth smiled through misty eyes. "You are a member of our family now. As such, we are sworn to do what we can should you need of us."

"I…." He swiftly realized that nothing he said would change their minds, especially when he considered what he'd promise to someone who returned Maya or Hikari to him. "I'll only accept if you two promise that if you need something, you ask. If we're to be family, then I will not be content to only take. No matter what I've done, or what I'll do, family doesn't keep ledgers of favors. I'll fight for my family, come what may."

Gripping Shinji's forearm in the manner of his ancestors to greet him once more as family, Thor nodded, "As men of honor must, brother. As men of honor must."

Returning the gesture, Shinji continued his lessons in accepting 'defeat' with grace. When Thor released his grip, the Third Child rubbed his hands together, hoping to move the conversation past discussions of 'debt', "So…how is she?"

"Sleeping still," Jorth gestured into the room. "Her vitals all seem stable, they've done what they can to make her comfortable, but whatever that køllesugeren gave her lingers." Her eyes flashed hot, "I hope you gave them a painful end, Your Grace."

"Shinji," he waved away the formality. "If you're my sister, you don't need to call me anything but Shinji." Plucking at his shirt, he fought back the nausea that came with the memory, "I killed all but one, with the aid of Suzuka and…a friend."

"This daughter of the Sands?" She tilted her head, listening to far-off voices, "Of Caves and Music?"

"I would like to extend my thanks to them as well," Thor rumbled, joining Shinji in watching Noelle sleep. "When there is opportunity." Letting the statement stand for a moment, he looked askance at his new brother, "The cloak of death suits you ill."

"I could have gone my entire life without killing another soul," Shinji felt Jorth hug him from the other side, setting his hand on her shoulder and accepting the comforting presence of the holy woman. "I didn't want to while I was on the Fleet. I didn't even want to while I was defending us against the bombers. They…they had her trussed up in a chair. I asked who their leader was, I wanted to try and talk them down." Snorting, he shook his head, "I need to take classes to learn how to negotiate."

"I'd say negotiations went about as you would expect them to," Jorth replied firmly. "Humans are not as generous as you are, Shinji. They're weak, cowardly, spiteful creatures that take from others without a second thought. Why the spirits bother with us is a mystery to me at times."

Landing astride his neck, Rose entered the conversation, _Life, really, is just that way. I've travelled to a great many worlds, met civilizations of all shapes and colors, and that remains the same. Creatures are not by and large inclined to seek peaceful resolutions to standing conflicts. It is only against their nature that anyone manages to talk without lighting something on fire first._

"When you next speak to her," Jorth began without prompting, "please remind the Daughter of the Sands that it is rude to eavesdrop on conversations. She should either join them or stay out of them completely."

The pink-skinned captain became very still, _She…knows I'm here?_

"Not everyone is as blind to the world around them as my husband," the matronly priestess replied simply.

"I'd ask that you not share what you know," Shinji cautioned quietly. "She's…not from around here."

"Don't worry," Jorth patted his stomach. "Your Desert Rose is safe. She has sacrificed much to be where she is, she has proven her worth. Though she might consider proving her manners."

"Wife," Vidar chided gently, "sometimes those of us with little to say prefer to say what little we do say to specific people and not the world at large. Leave her be."

"The spirits approve of her presence in his life, so I'll hold my tongue," the holy matron rolled her eyes. "Come, husband. Let us give our brother some time alone with the woman who loves him, I need something to eat if I'm to hold a vigil." Patting Shinji's arm, she left without looking back, fully expecting that her husband would follow along.

 _A woman not used to being disobeyed, nor terribly used to being obedient,_ Rose mused silently. _I'd say I like her, but she kind of creeps me out._

 _Says the woman capable of teleporting into any location she wishes at will._ Shinji rubbed her shin, _We're all a little odd around here, I think._ Sliding the door to Noelle's room open, he ducked inside and lifted his passenger to the floor, _Do your scans tell you anything ours wouldn't? Is this anything worrying?_

 _Let me take a look,_ summoning a device from thin air, she hummed as she connected a pair of pads to Noelle's arm.

The tune was hauntingly familiar to Shinji, and with a twitch of panic he placed it, _Wait!_

 _Gah!_ Nearly fumbling the device, Rose looked around for the source of concern, _What? Where?_ Frowning, she turned to Shinji, _What was that for?_

 _That song!_ He mentally hummed the bar he'd heard, _I heard that on the train to Jet Alone. I heard that…I heard that whenever I was around Ritsuko, and a bunch of other places, what are you doing humming it? I've been humming that for months now._

Her head tilted, and in one motion she floated up to slap him atop his head before landing back down and focusing on her work again, _I was trying to break Lily's control over you, you idiot._ The reversion to the way she used to speak to him reminded him that it wasn't only Suzuka who had something of a temper, _That's my family's song, I've been humming it the entire time I've been around you because I was incredibly uncomfortable and it soothes me. Why do you think you're not pelvis-deep in every woman you pass by? I've been sheltering you this whole time._

 _I…I thought…._ He was suddenly unsure what he thought, and certainty was laughing at him as it rode away on a high-speed train in the opposite direction.

 _Music is power,_ [Song], _at least for my people it is. You've been humming along with me, in your kitchen when cooking, in the Horaki's kitchen, when walking to school._ Sidling over, she bumped him with her shoulder, _It's been…nice. You connected with me before we even agreed to a partnership, you would visit me with your spirit, you'd engage with me in song, it was…it was just like the courtship I never thought I'd experience._

 _The…moon._ Another piece clicked into place for him, _Your ship is orbiting Earth on the dark side of the moon!_

 _Everyone says you're smart,_ [Song] _, but it's nice to see you actually using it from time to time._ Prying the pads loose, she dismissed the entire device, _I need to speak with either Ritsuko or Maya, and they're both asleep right now. Your pilot is being kept unconscious, and they need to alter what they are doing for her so that she doesn't hurt herself. Waking her up may be harmful, and we'll want to discuss with Lily what she thinks is best from a spiritual standpoint. While I could possibly fix this on my ship, you'd have to come with me and that might not be the best idea right now._

+++++ 13th Angel + 6: Saturday (86)

After another hour of sitting with Noelle, Shinji and Rose left the Tower after conferring with Temple to adapt to what was going to be a longer problem for the blonde Brit. Walking home, confident in the position of everyone he needed to worry over, he enjoyed the cool, quiet, early morning air. The presence of the pink-skinned captain on his arm was soon not the only presence by his side as Lily shimmered into being to take her traditional place on his shoulder.

"So, I ran into an old 'friend' today who told me the most _interesting_ news," she began without preamble. "It turns out, of all crazy things, the reason for the anomalous waveform in Asuka's mind? She's got a passenger."

"A…." Shinji stopped moving forward, reaching up and removing Lily from his shoulder to set her down before him, "Lily, do I need to just move into NERV?" His temper began spiraling outwards, "Every time I go to walk outside of this _fucking_ compound something else strikes. So, let's skip the quipping: what is happening to Asuka and do I need to involve myself?"

"There's nothing you can do," Lily stated, with a hint of remorse at misreading his calm. "Asuka will need some extra help from you, but I think that between myself and her passenger she'll be fine after a while. So long as no external influences try and invade her mind while it's healing."

He stressed the important question in his mind, "She's safe?"

"As safe as can be expected," the pale beauty nodded, looking away.

Turning her chin to face him, he struggled to force his temper back where it belonged, "There's nothing to be done for now?"

Her eyes stayed averted, "No."

"Then let's go home," he took a cleansing breath. "I'm sorry for snapping, Lily. I think I'm starting to reach my limits, and I need to do a better job of not being an ass. Thank you for checking in on her…for whatever reason you did. I'm glad that you're trying to be a part of my family."

"No, no," she sighed. "No, you're not the only one at fault here." Taking his other arm, and gesturing for them to continue on the path home, she looked to Rose, "I assume there's nothing to be done for Noelle?"

"Not without active intervention," the captain shrugged. "The compound she was given was tainted with something from off-world. A gift from the Scions, I'm assuming, as it is not naturally occurring on this planet. It's a self-propagating sedative that's intended as a long…." Shaking her head, she looked up to Shinji, "Nothing good would have happened had you not been there. You were there, she's safe. But she'll need to have her blood filtered after she's been treated with some of the counteragent to remove the drug."

"Four people injured," Shinji stated in a flat tone. "None of which would be, had I not…." Taking a deep breath, he laughed morosely, "So. I need to kill the remaining people from SEELE, I assume. That would at least alleviate the problem, right? They're trying to kill my team, so I need to kill their team first. No dialogue. No compromise. No trying to reach common ground. Just…find them and tear their skull apart."

"It is not always like this, Shinji," Rose gripped his arm, seeking to reassure him. "There will always be conflict, yes, but that conflict does not always necessitate violence as a response. These animals, however, are being removed from positions of absolute authority. Many have been arrested, they will face trials. Others, they might not be willing to surrender without attempting to burn the world down around them."

"Certainly not with a mad Angel supporting them," Lily sneered. "Tabris will need to be dealt with, and possibly purged from Creation entirely."

"Tabris," Shinji looked down to his benefactress, "Bardiel said something about them. Something…about them caging her?" He frowned, "I was very tired when we spoke. I should go ask."

"No need," the pale beauty patted his wrist. "Tabris was responsible for the trap that killed that poor dear Child. He was responsible for the shard embedded in Asuka's head. If I had to guess, I'd say he was likely responsible for the attempt on Kodama's life."

His anger spiked at the mention of Rei's fate, "Was there no other way?"

"[Song], she was dying slowly and painfully," Rose flipped around to walk backwards so that she could face him while remaining on his arm. "Her limbs distended, her bones shattering. She was in amounts of pain that I would not wish on anyone, and there was nothing we could do to stop it. I may not agree with everything she does, but Lily made the right choice in granting her a swift death instead of a lingering one."

"Then why does it sound like she's physically fine now?" He doubted that Rose would cover for Lily if she was truly in the wrong, "How did that happen?"

"She's part Angel. There's any number of explanations when you involve the hybridization of life as they did when creating her. Would she have healed had I left the fragment of my soul in place? I don't know. I doubt it, as the spark of life she possessed would most likely die with her, corrupted by proximity to Bardiel. Which would then mean killing Bardiel to restore what is mine. There was no surviving what she suffered. Death by _pain_ is possible, and distinctly unpleasant." Hair blacker than the deepest night swayed as she shook her head sadly, "She's a part of me now, Lover. When she's rested, and able to manifest herself from within the Ocean of Souls I contain, I swear I will let her have time with you."

He knew he couldn't ask her to give up her soul, he knew that even thinking it was horrible, but a part of him wanted the simplest solution to be put into practice so that he could have the recalcitrant bluenette back in his life. "I…miss her." Walking onward, he was happy that neither of the women on his arms spoke further on the matter. Misato, Ritsuko, others would have time to grieve if they wished. For him, however, he knew the truth. He, Maya, and Suzuka knew that the ever-curious youth that had lived a life of misery before a brief respite was ruthlessly crushed by…. "Tabris _will_ die." He swallowed, the part of him that was averse to using violence shoved into a locker and told to stay quiet, "He has killed Rei, he tried to kidnap Kodama, he harmed Noelle…."

"He might have been the one responsible for all of the attempts on your life, Pet," Lily wanted him angry. For this, his rage was useful. If he sympathized with Tabris' motivations, he might falter and that would prove fatal. "He was responsible for what Ryoji Kaji did, for the murder of that man's sister. He tortured Yasuji Suzuhara, he pushed his son to bring death here. It is not incorrect to say that most of our troubles have their origin in _him_ and not _you._ The intelligence leaks, they all came from Asuka. Tabris twisted the shard as it was implanted within her, having her reporting on you, on everyone. The 'passenger' I was speaking of? She's been pretending to be a 'doctor' to slow the flood of information Asuka was sharing through various means."

"Wait," Shinji stopped, disengaging Lily from his arm and scowling, "Frau Marlowe? This…passenger, Frau Marlowe is real? I thought it was the shard, or…no…no we haven't spoken about this phone thing. I was just making assumptions." Looking off to the side as he thought, he nodded, "So this passenger is friendly?"

"I wouldn't go that far," Lily hesitated. "Eve is…the subject is complicated. I'd say that for now, we can trust that she has motivation to help Asuka overcome what Tabris attempted and use her statements as proof that any leaks were not intentional on Asuka's part. She didn't even know she was doing it, when she blacked out her conscious mind wasn't around to stop her from giving details that she'd never give otherwise. Without conscious control, Eve could do nothing to prevent it."

"How'd she get it past…never mind," Shinji groaned. "I love Akane and Mikoto, but Section Two is not what I'd call 'crack security'." Working his jaw, his mind chewed at him to do something, "Asuka knew we were going to Ogawa. She told him, he sets up the flaw in the ADN, Kelly loses her entire life's goal. Rei loses her life. This whole time…what do I do?" His hand clenched and released rhythmically, "If I tell Asuka, if she finds out…. This would destroy her. This…. She's wanted one friend her whole life, and now she's…." Striding off, he walked towards home. The world was piling more and more on him, and he needed the one thing that might still save him.

+++++ 13th Angel + 6: Saturday (86)

Hikari's sleep was fitful. Her husband had involved himself in a fight, necessarily so, but had not come home to allow her to reassure herself that he was well. Her wife had spent the evening at work, she said, but not returned to sleep. Instead, she was monitoring a situation she said was essential to their lives, but too sensitive to be discussed over the phone. Her houseguests were pale comfort, not understanding enough of Shinji's past to truly confide in. Her elder sister was busy comforting her younger sisters, rightfully so, and was unable to provide solace. Suzuka…was not someone she wished to speak with at that particular moment, as the woman had admitted to….

The door slid open, and as she dragged herself out of the pits of slumber she was overcome by a powerful force. With his arms around her, his head in her lap, and his body quaking, the man she loved began to unburden himself. She had missed part of the beginning, her own mind too unfocused to truly hear what she'd been told, but the rest fell easily into place. Cautiously at first, and then with greater surety, she stroked his hair as he disgorged every ounce of pain and misery that had built up inside of him. Each fear, each anxiety, both hurt her heart and buoyed her soul. This was not the act of a man that was seeking to leave her. These were not the actions someone took when they no longer needed another. This was a husband begging his wife to help. He hadn't returned to Suzuka, he hadn't stayed at work for anyone else…he'd come to her.

She watched the sky brighten as he spoke, a weight she'd not known was present lifting from her as if the sun itself was pulling it skyward. She made small noises, 'hmm' or 'uh huh', as needed. It was often in class, or in her own household, that people would come to talk to her thinking they needed guidance or direction. Usually all they needed was to hear their own mind out loud, and such was true here as well. He'd become overwhelmed by life, by the chaos that she admitted was far too great for any one person, even such a man as the one she loved, to handle. Her decisions of late had added to the chaos, but it was in preparation for this kind of event. The household would run on its own without him, without her, and she would have the time she needed to deal with his emotions.

She worked him slowly towards the bath, more for the comforting weight of warm water than any need on his part to be clean, and without him being aware of it had him chest deep in its embrace while she sat on his lap and listened attentively. For hours they sat together, the world outside left to fend for itself. She saw, though he didn't by the way she'd positioned him, Kodama poke her head into the bathroom before retreating with an 'ok' symbol. He'd been repeating himself, going in loops at times but always making progress towards those things that bothered him, and that was what mattered to her.

His fight against fate, against SEELE, against the Judges, the Angels…against the people that wanted to kill him, his family, his friends, his people. His fear that his weakness had led to others being harmed, or even worse killed. That by giving in to her plan he was making a mockery of their marriage, or that he was betraying everyone who believed in him. That he should be there in the hospital until everyone was better, that he shouldn't be asking for help from the one woman who he'd wronged the deepest. That by sharing with his commander the truth, that he'd invalidated all of their suffering to that point. Every worry great or small, valid or merely the product of his reflexive urge to shoulder the blame for anything negative in the world, poured out of him.

To her, this was a triumph of the highest order. Each time he looked at her and spoke was a validation of his growth from the beaten-down wreck of a boy she first met to the mountain of strength the world could cling to in its darkest moments. He wasn't hiding things, he wasn't ducking his head and saying everything was ok. He sought her out. He shared. He brought her his worries and trusted her to be _his wife_.

In the end, it was her gentle smile that caused the flood of words to slow, then stop. The way her head was tilted just so, her eyes gazing upon him with infinite love. Yet again she'd managed to frame herself in his sight without intending to so that she was wreathed in light, and through her grace she granted him peace. Leaning forward, she lightly touched her lips to his, whispering, "It will be ok. You will not allow it to be anything else." Mussing his nose with hers, she grinned, "So. What do you think you should do, then?" Her heart soared as he pulled her tight against his chest, clutching her body to his as if she were the most precious thing in the whole wide world. She knew she'd won any possible competition for the prime position in his heart, but being reminded of her victory from time to time was never a bad thing.

"I need to delegate," he sighed. He'd known what to do, as usual. He'd just needed the woman that was _his_ pillar of strength to hear him out. He would shoulder the burdens of the world, he would carry the women around him into the future, he would suffer death itself if need be…for her. Her faith in him was, once more, secure.

+++++ 13th Angel + 6: Saturday (86)

 _Thank you for understanding,_ Shinji stood in his living room, pre-briefing the two temporarily invisible extraterrestrial guests on what he was about to do. _I…I know you both love me. I know that you both have given up a great deal to help me succeed. But Hikari is, and might always be, the one that I look to when the world is just crushing me flat._

 _Lover,_ Lily gestured to where Hikari was setting out snacks, _I certainly didn't set this up, but one of the reasons I didn't crush this outright when she pulled herself towards you is just what you say. You are, at heart, human. Until you are not, you will_ need _a human to understand you. That she's a delicious little treat is a bonus, the emotional strength she possesses is what made me acquiesce to ceding control to the degree I have._

 _She's the…oh, how do I explain this concept to you…._ Rose hummed the familiar tune as she thought, _If you view us all as a choir she would be the tuning fork. Her pitch sets the harmony for the choir. You can only do so much, without someone like her in your life. I feel no shame in not standing in her place as the Lady of the Cavern, I have my own part in the choir. She cannot command battle fleets, she cannot organize military stratagems, she cannot counter ambushes or organize intergalactic travel routes. I do not begrudge her the place she has in your life, again, I have my own._

"A choir," Shinji mused on the term. "An interesting way to put it." Sensing the song of Captain Honda approaching the front door, he walked over and had it open before she could knock, "Good afternoon, Captain. I apologize that I haven't been able to make the past week's briefings. Things have been…strained."

"Strained is putting it lightly, sir." Keeping her tone level, she stepped closer and lowered her voice to avoid being overheard by anyone inside, "Did you have to engage in a firefight without giving me any warning? Command has been chewing on me all night about how you engaged in a military operation without a military escort."

"I was not in any danger," he replied to preface everything, "but I understand that your superiors feel your duty is to protect _me_. I hope you understand, however, that your duty is to protect _them_ ," he gestured with his thumb towards the rapidly growing gathering behind him. "I will pass along my apologies to your superiors, and remind them that you fulfilled your duty by not allowing an enemy force to occupy _my house_ while I was preventing a tragedy."

Biting her tongue between her canines, the young officer nodded, "It's the best I'm going to get, isn't it, sir?"

"Until you agree to a first name basis?" He shrugged, "If we're keeping professional distance, then you have to accept that you won't receive personal assurances. I have discovered recently that I am capable of far more than I thought, and when there is a chance that I can save lives…."

"I _have_ to keep a professional distance," she grimaced. "I have to set an example for my kids, sir. If I start calling you by your name, if I start acting casually, then they will too. I'm already pushing the limits by accepting breakfast, as I'm able to explain it away by saying that it is one of the few times you have free to discuss what our leadership wants you to know. If I start having you call me 'Kiyomi-chan' I may as well submit my resignation."

"Kiyomi?" Shinji thought about the name for a bit, "It suits you." With a warm smile, he bowed, "Pleased to meet you. Please, come in and have a seat. We'll be beginning once my wife comes home." Pausing, he corrected himself, "My elder wife. The younger is right there."

"Please don't," she pleaded with him. "I've worked very hard to win their respect, and if they think I'm making kissy faces at you I'll lose every ounce of it."

"A compromise," he lifted a finger chidingly, feeling Suzuka place herself at his flank. "Inside my house, during unofficial meetings, I will call you by your name. You will call me by my name. Outside of my house, or during official meetings, I will maintain the utmost courtesy and respect that you have earned with your accomplishments."

"Oh?" His weapon tapped his flank with the pommel of her sword, "Are we _compromising_ with the good Captain?"

Wishing that he was not so quick to blush, Shinji clenched his jaw as he closed the door behind the Captain of his Guard, "I am attempting to reach an understanding and a balance with a woman who has not allowed a single security incident to occur involving the people who can't defend themselves. She is, so far, extremely competent and loyal. I understand her concerns, but I wish she would understand that it is difficult for me to relax around her when she insists on rigid formality."

"I see." The captain kept her eyes on his, trying to read what might have caused his reaction, "Sir…Shinji, if I might ask why you're blushing?"

Turning to walk back into the house, he replied with a shrug, "Because I enjoy the cherries they place on top of sundaes too."

Frozen in place as the man she'd sworn to defend walked away, Kiyomi looked to Suzuka in worry, "He…can't read minds…right?"

"He is neither as naïve nor ill-informed as you believe him to be," Shinji's bodyguard stated quietly. "He respects you, or you would not be standing here. He respects that you are not pursuing him, as too many do. His statement was intended to allow you to understand him better, not to burden you further. It is no crime to admire the art, Captain."

"I'm not going to survive this," she groaned. "The two of you are capable of a level of violence I've never seen, and now I find that you can tell what I'm thinking? I'm going to have an illicit thought about him at the wrong moment, and you're going to rip me in half."

Suzuka smirked, "I would never strike down one who has the restraint to know the difference between idly fantasizing about Shinji, and actively pursuing him. You have never once acted in a manner I would consider ill-suited for the trust you hold, and so long as you remain dedicated to the mission over your desire to be shown an evening you'd never forget, we shall not come to blows." Urging the Captain onwards, she shepherded her towards the couch.

"That would not be a fight. At best, _you_ would be fighting _me_ , ma'am," Kiyomi snorted. "I've seen you move. I'm good, but I'm not stupid enough to think that I'm that good. Confidence is essential in Combat Arms. Overconfidence is deadly in Combat Arms. Though," she lowered her voice, "that good?"

"It would be improper to kiss and tell," the swordswoman demurred. "I will simply _imply_ that I look forward to further opportunities to assess his physical fitness in other venues."

Shinji crouched down by Sakura's chair, smiling gently as he pointedly ignored the rest of Suzuka's conversation, "Would you like to sit on the couch, Sakura-chan? Or are you more comfortable in your chair?"

Squirming, she fidgeted with her hands as she responded, "I…uhm, I'd like to sit on the couch, nii-san."

"Do you want to try and walk there?" He wanted desperately to support her in growing past the previous few months, and more importantly past whatever traumas her song was screaming over, "Or would you prefer that I carry you? I'll help either way."

"I…uhm," she looked up into his eyes, and saw the patient love waiting for her to accept it. A tiny smile blossomed, as she felt a fire grow within her to prove herself worthy of something she already owned whole, "I'll walk."

"There we go," sitting on the table, he offered her his hands to use as leverage. "That's the spirit of Team Rainbow." Her hands were so small, in his opinion, so fragile. It was inconceivable in his mind that someone would hurt those hands. That someone wouldn't look at them and want to shatter mountains if it meant they'd be safe. Each trembling step she took hurt him, sympathetic pains that he never let show on his face.

Tsuru, once again earning points in his eyes, hovered without hovering as she readied herself to both assist and allow Sakura to sit at her side. She'd moved closer to where Nozomi had sat on hearing Shinji's offer, not shying away from the hard work of supporting the weakest member of the household. "You're doing great, Sakura-chan. If we keep working hard, you'll be able to travel with us when we visit Ogawa again. I'd love to introduce you to my sister."

"Mushroom-chan would have a lot of fun showing you around," Shinji nodded, "though maybe not around the river."

With some help from both Tsuru and Shinji, Sakura climbed up onto the couch, panting, "I…like…swimming…though."

"Then I _really_ want you to meet her," Tsuru said with a secretive whisper. "Because she can't swim at all. You could show her that there's nothing to be afraid of, and that she can do it too."

With the precious package secure and surrounded by help, Shinji stood up, kissing Tsuru's forehead and gripping her shoulder on the way. Keeping his voice low, he murmured his thanks and winked. The blush and smile he got in return was beautiful, he would never deny it, but she still had a ways to go to prove that she was able to handle the chaos that his life would bring. The weak would die, and if that meant hurting her now to save her life, he'd do it in a heartbeat.

"I'm sorry I'm late," Maya called as she entered the house.

"She never says, 'I'm home'," Nozomi pouted, loud enough to be heard by everyone. "It's always 'I'm sorry I'm late'. Why does nee-san apologize without even saying she's home? We're happy she's home at all, that she's late isn't important."

"A very solid point, Sprout," Kodama played off the honest child's statement. "It's almost like she doesn't really feel this is home. Which would be 'super' sad, wouldn't it?"

 _It is not the best day for this._ Maya growled mentally, though her face never showed the negativity. Rounding the back of the couch, she hugged Nozomi and announced in a calm voice, "I'm home."

 _I understand, Kitten._ Shinji caught her eye as she stood, nodding subtly, _I'm doing this because whoever this Tabris is, he's going to start ramping up the destruction. He made a play for Kodama, everyone needs to know what to look out for, why we're asking them to accept more restrictions._

Settling on the couch next to Hikari, she gave a kiss to her wife, _Please tell me you're open to going into the bathroom afterwards and scratching an itch?_

 _Any itch you want, Kitten. Hikari got my head right earlier today, I love you too much to not do what you need._ "Ok, ladies and…ladies." Frowning, he laughed, "I am blessed beyond my worth." Positioning himself near where Lily and Rose stood patiently, he looked around the room and chose his target, "Anyway. Yang, I need a volunteer."

"Ok," the leggy waitress popped up. "What am I doing?"

Rolling his hands towards himself, he called her over, "This way. I need your hands." The trust she showed him in not balking was yet another burden on his spirit. She refused to believe him capable of harming her, despite having seen him accomplish physically 'impossible' tasks. "Thank you," he whispered just loud enough for her to hear. "I don't deserve your trust, Yang."

"You have it anyway, Shinji," her smile showed that she understood his position, but wasn't endorsing it.

Turning her about so that she faced the 'audience', he stepped against her as he extended one of her hands each out towards both of his extraterrestrial guests, "What I am about to share with all of you is not to leave this house." He glanced purposefully towards the Captain of his Guard, "I am including you because you need to know what you are facing, Kiyomi. Please, no matter who orders you to tell them, this is… _this_ is a personal assurance. If you can't promise that, please…walk out."

She worked her tongue against her teeth again, "Are you asking me to betray my country?"

He shook his head slightly, "No. I'm asking you to help me save it."

Her single nod was curt, "My Army?"

"Again, I'm trying to keep them alive," he could see her calculating his responses, her eyes weighing him against her oaths.

Standing, she walked over to where he held Yang, "Look me in the eye and tell me that you will fight to the last to save Japan, Shinji. That you will sacrifice what you have to so that our people will live."

"My life does not belong to me, Kiyomi. It never did, it never will." The truth of his statement washed over the room, a wave of sorrow that caused each who heard it to look for comfort from one another. None doubted his commitment to victory, and many present already knew what he'd given in exchange for a chance at it, but all devoutly hated the possibility of a world without him in it, "If I have to die so that the world still spins, then the world got off cheaply on the balance."

"Stow that shit, Shinji," the woman barked at him as she would any junior serviceman who was bellyaching. "You are the equivalent of a commissioned officer. You have responsibilities, duties, and people who look to you to stay alive. Your worth is not measured in your eyes, but theirs, and if you sell yourself cheaply I'll buy you up myself just to beat your ass from one side of the parade field to the other from sunup to sundown. Am I understood?"

Tightening his grip reflexively on Yang's hands, he felt his classmate rubbing his calf with the top of her foot as she wrapped her leg around his. Duly chastened, yet still comforted, he let his head drop in contrition, "You're right. That's a terrible habit I have, and I need to get out of it."

"Please do." The captain softened her tone, "For everyone's sake." Turning back to the couch, she announced more broadly, "Please continue your demonstration, sir. Nothing that happens here will leave this room by my lips."

Rose sounded approving, _Yep. She's command material._

 _I know what you said to Suzi, Lover, but I'm telling you that the things she wants you to do to her with those candied cherries might just be absolutely delightful._ Sighing in irritation at his sidelong glare, she waved him off, _Ok. Ok. Let's get this over with._

"Now, Yang." He looked down into her eyes as she leaned her head back against his chest, "You feel my grip, right?"

"I do, I do," she beamed a smile up at him. "Warm hands, a good heart, I'm nice and safe where I am."

Stepping back, he offered her the same kiss he'd given Tsuru and whispered something inducing another blush from another woman, "My China Girl will always be safe if I can help it." As he let go, he asked, "Please hold your arms out as you were." When she reversed direction and kept her hands aloft, he continued, "Now, you feel nothing in your hands, right?"

She made grasping motions, "Nope. Empty air."

"Lily, Rose," he braced himself for any number of potential reactions, "would you please lift her gently off the ground?"

Yang's 'eep' preceded both of his less-visible guests taking one of her hands each and lifting, the act prompting a gasp of amazement from many of the audience. Lily proved every bit as strong as the pink-skinned powerhouse, and the relatively smaller waitress weighed nothing close to what might complicate the maneuver. "Sh-Shinji? I feel people touching me."

"Please set her down," he asked calmly. When she was securely on the ground, he stepped forward and wrapped her in a hug from behind, "Please describe what you felt, Yang."

"Like…like someone took my hands and hefted me up." Rubbing where the invisible beings had held her, she pressed herself back against what she presumed to be safe harbor, "What was that?!"

He kept her close, aware of where the two beings would appear and predicting a moment of panic on everyone's part, "Lily, Rose…I think we've proven you're not projections, or a hallucination, or a trick. Please…show everyone."

Rose had chosen to wear another of her less formal outfits, not wishing to appear 'warlike' and risk frightening the 'civilians'. Well aware of the need to win hearts and minds, she'd dressed in the gauzy pants and blouse that she'd noted him admiring, "As you wish, [Song]." Popping into the visible wavelength for everyone present, she held her hands loosely behind her back and smiled calmingly, "Good afternoon, everyone. A pleasure to finally meet you."

Another gasp of shocked disbelief struck the little ones, and Tsuru simply froze in place. Kodama, having expected what she might see, was more measured in her displays, while Hikari held a small smile having vaguely seen the woman before her in many of the more favorable futures. Maya and Suzuka, accustomed to their presence, watched others for signs that interventions might become necessary.

"Shinji…." Yang's voice was choked, "Did…did an invisible woman lift me up?"

"Two, 傻瓜," Lily shimmered into existence, far less concerned about potential panic. "You felt four hands, didn't you?"

The waitress' eyes widened, "Rei?! When did…how…your hair?"

"Ah…no," the Second Angel had chosen a form-fitting green blouse partnered with snug black slacks, unwilling to not inspire as much lust as she could in those seeing her for the first time. "I may look like that dear, sweet, child, but I am not her." Reaching over, she tickled under Yang's chin, "But I appreciate the compliment. She was _ravishing_ , wasn't she?"

Kiyomi's hands were tight on her knees, her worry about what she could easily see to be powerful aliens standing directly next to the man she'd been told _must_ live warring against how calm Shinji himself appeared, "The government doesn't know?" By asking a question, she avoided making idiotically obvious observations. That habit being something she'd beaten out of herself in the academy, "That…you've been speaking with extraterrestrials?"

"My commander, sub-commander, and the head of the UNIGC know," Shinji offered. "We've recently decided that we can't continue to limit our capabilities if SEELE and…those associated with them, are going to continue to attempt to harm innocents. The being that attempted to kidnap Nozomi-chan…we believe he was the one that ordered those men to try the same with Kodama, harming Noelle."

She nodded, filing away the list for later use, "It is your contention they are friendly?"

"Oh, I'm _very_ friendly," Lily winked, grinning playfully. "I'm something of a hugger."

"My presence in your AO is peaceful, Captain," Rose stated, military to military. "Much the same way that you seek to protect those who Shinji would not see harmed, I have come to see that the galaxy at large has its interests presented before the man that will stand guard over all of Creation."

Yang breathed, "All of…."

"I am far more powerful than you think I am," Shinji hated to seem like he was bragging, and the statement was far closer to the 'sad' end of the emotional spectrum for him than the 'happy' end. "And yet, that means those who oppose me are similarly powerful. Which is why there are not only men with guns, but tanks, and helicopters, all waiting to kill one single man should he choose to attack."

"Which leads to the second point," Hikari asserted firmly, wielding the authority she held over the house. "Nobody goes anywhere without an escort anymore." She looked between Tsuru and Yang, "You two have become far too close to Shinji in the public sphere, and what they tried with Kodama, Noelle, and Nozomi could have been either of you. All of us travel in groups, and always with enough people to keep us safe."

Tsuru's heart went exactly where Shinji believed it should, "My family?"

"Are being protected by a constant presence in the Ogawa region under the guise of 'civil engineers'," Kiyomi nodded, the information she'd picked up from the morning's briefings now finding their place in the overall strategy. "The Tenth Combat Engineer Brigade are good at their job, and they'll enjoy the 'easy' work while they keep an eye out for Perfume. They may build things for a living, but that doesn't mean they're not able to hold a patch of land against any enemy you put them against."

"The Shirakami," Suzuka answered Yang's anxious look, "have enacted similar procedures. None will be alone, and all those who might be considered 'easy targets' are finding themselves with many new aunts and uncles."

"A part of why we wanted to show ourselves," Lily asserted, steering everyone back towards Shinji's plan, "is that we will be around the house now. Whenever our dearly beloved hero cannot be here, either I, or the sweet thing to his right will be." Walking back behind Shinji to hug Rose, she laid her chin atop the pink-skinned captain's shoulder, "She may not look like it, but she's nearly as strong as he is."

"We both are," Rose rolled her eyes at the display. "Which means we want to get everyone here used to seeing us. Shinji has to be elsewhere at times, it's unavoidable. We will be supporting the good Captain," she gestured towards Kiyomi, "in defending what we hope will become our family too."

"They…have been supporting me," Shinji started slowly. "They would argue with me-"

"Because we're right about this fact," Lily interjected.

"-but their support has been instrumental in me learning as much about what I've become as I have," he finished with a glare at the Second Angel. "Much like all of you, we didn't start off understanding each other. We didn't begin with all of the information on how to help each other. But, again, much like all of you…they proven they're good people. Leave the past where it is. It's gone," his eyes drew Kodama's attention, the message specific to her, "we can't change it. What we do from here on, how we face the future, that's what we can change. I trust them. I may be angry with them, from time to time, but the same can be said of how all of you think about me." The self-effacing grin he showed caused a great deal of rustling from the couch as people squirmed, "Don't think I'm unaware of the way a number of you would like to take my hair in hand and chew on my head for being…a little too me."

"It…may have crossed my mind, from time to time," Tsuru admitted quietly, breaking the silence that followed the statement of truth.

"I'm glad you're willing to be honest, Tsuru," he changed his grin to the warm smile he knew they preferred as he looked at the beautiful farmgirl. "I'm not the easiest man to live with, I know this. I'm not the easiest man to know. My mere existence has put people in danger because a psychopath desires to attack those I love." Clenching Yang to him, he scowled, "I may hate myself for it, but I will not risk your lives to talk him out of it. If I see him, and I attack, I'm begging all of you…find safety. Do not attempt to help. There are _three_ of you that might stand a chance, two of which I've just now introduced you to."

"I will not abandon you, dear heart," Suzuka stated unequivocally. "Though it mean my death, I will fight at your side."

"If it means their safety," he looked at her, his tone hard, "you will defend those who cannot defend themselves while I engage. We cannot allow him a Pyrrhic victory." Holding her eyes until she looked down in anger, he turned back to the gathering at large, "All of you are here because you've chosen to be…save the woman I'm holding, and the two most precious people in this household. I can't stress enough how…wonderful it is to know you care. But…Rose…please."

"I am willing to take anyone who so chooses up to my ship for the rest of the war." The captain made the offer as Lily moved further towards the door listening to something only she heard. "It will be a one-way trip, until such a time as all hostiles have been neutralized. There is no possible way that I can imagine for our adversary to reach the [ _Song_ ]. I can not speak for everyone here, but I will not look down upon any of you who would accept this offer. This…vile creature has struck at those who cannot defend themselves from him. The place of civilians in war is out of the zone of conflict."

Hikari's eyebrow rose, "Do you honestly believe I'd accept leaving you alone?"

"I have duties at NERV, Pup," Maya shook her head. "If I don't do my job, your job is that much harder."

"Pass," Kodama waved the offer away. "Hard pass."

"I do not feel it necessary to repeat myself," Suzuka glared at him.

Sakura's eyes dampened, "I…I don't want to leave…."

"I can't abandon my nii-san, and I can't abandon Sakura-chan," Nozomi shook her head.

"The spirits put me here," Tsuru stated quietly. "The last time they were ignored, everyone suffered."

Yang held his wrists, "I'd like to talk to you alone, Shinji." Looking up at him, her head resting on his torso, she shook her head, "I'm not leaving…but we need to talk."

"I'll ask that Bravo join us in the AO," Kiyomi sighed, standing to leave. "If it's reached this point, I'll justify it by saying you're anticipating further enemy actions. It's going to mean a convoy to and from school for everyone, as well as one to and from work for those of you headed to NERV, but you're going to either accept it or explain it to your man and the sub-commander why you're arguing. I'll have a chance to talk to everyone later, but I need people moving now."

"Then," Lily came back with a broad smile, "why don't we all sit down to a lovely dinner and get to know one another?" Gesturing to Tsuru, she rolled her hand towards her, "If you don't mind, you can help me put things together tonight. It's been a dreadfully stressful few months on our dear Lover, and I hear you're interested in learning how to make his favorites."

"I don't mind answering questions, at least those I'm allowed to," Rose walked over to where Team Rainbow sat. "Shinji told me that the two of you had a report on the moon you did recently. I can show you some live moving pictures of it, if you're interested?" The powerful alien crouched down with a smile at a non-intimidating distance, "It's really pretty right now."

 _I'll meet you in the bathroom, Maya. Why don't you take Hikari with you?_ Shinji caught a nod from his wife and gently turned Yang to face him, "Is the gym downstairs all right?"

"Or, we could go to the room you had built for me?" She tilted her head in that direction, "Pretty sure that the soundproofing there is better."

+++++ 13th Angel + 6: Saturday (86)

"This is honestly terrifying," Ritsuko murmured as she went over the code. "Asuka was able to bypass a not inconsiderable amount of security each time, using passwords that were cached in update packages from multiple MAGI nodes on the global network. The passwords were all from SEELE members, masked to appear as normal traffic. I can't even begin to describe the ways this shouldn't be possible, not to mention how our security should have caught this with a simple audit."

"The best security spending no money can buy," Misato shrugged, going over the financial reports. "We've just recently received a budget worth calling one, and last I checked decent network security wasn't cheap. The MSSOs are saying that most of the people we used were hobbyists, which wouldn't be so bad if any of them possessed certifications that proved their talent. Admiral Drake has loaned us another few officers, who brought along their teams of enlisted. His hope is we'll be able to hire in some folks to replace them without, and I quote, 'breaking their legs and ending their careers'."

"That's both mildly petty, and surprising coming from him," the quarter-blonde snorted. "Funny, darkly funny, though."

"It's not really petty when you consider that he's sending us the cure for what was intended to be a vector for SEELE to attack us when they wanted us gone," the sub-commander groaned as she crossed out several requests for more resources. "I have been going over the budgets, and even with a massive influx of cash we're still not even at seventy-two percent funding. I'd complain, but we're diverting global funds for anti-poverty, anti-famine, anti-crime measures just to keep the damn world turning. On the other hand, I looked at what we're paying Shinji, and there are still four hundred and sixty eight UN officials making more money than he is which is four hundred and sixty eight too many."

"How much is he making?" Looking up from her screen, she saw Misato hold up a slip of paper with an impressive number scribbled on it. Whistling, she sat back, "I guess he's buying the first round when this is all over." Returning to her task, she smiled, "Worth every Yen, though."

"Worth ten times that," Misato agreed. "How long do you think it's going to be before these exploits are patched out? I have to provide an update to the commander in a bit."

"Four days, if I did it myself," she rocked her hand back and forth. "It means I'm not working on Rei, or the chemical analysis on those samples."

She marked it down, "If we trust the Navy?"

"Eight days, at least, assuming basic competence and a five man team working around the clock," switching a few lines of code around, she closed out the connection and stretched. "Want to go get a drink later tonight?"

"I've given up drinking," Misato responded without much emotion, still scribbling notes down and making amendments.

Ritsuko blinked, "Come again?"

"How much more might I have done with Rei if I hadn't been too busy knocking back beers?" Her pencil never slowed, "Did it slow me down on the bridge? If I had better coping mechanisms than Yebisu and cheap flirting, would I have had more time to come up with strategies that didn't result in us being down to a single pilot? How much did my drinking do to him in the world he's from?" Flipping the instrument aside, she gathered her papers and stood, "We are relying on Shinji for not only saving the world, but stopping attempts at kidnapping people. We left him in a position where he had to hide the truth from us for extremely practical reasons. He doesn't drink. He doesn't smoke. He doesn't even fuck away his problems with the two women he's married to who would be perfectly willing to. He is a teenager. _We_ are the adults. I've given up drinking. I'd like it if you sat in on a few interviews, I want to hire people that know what they're doing with the MAGI. I've set Makoto to working with HR to put out feelers."

"Uh…sure," the quarter-blonde was floored. Watching as NERV's most dreamt after woman left the lab she'd been taking her meal break in, Ritsuko wondered at just exactly how badly her on-and-off again best friend must be hurting to swear off the crutch she'd used for a decade. Looking at the samples they'd collected, she decided to redouble her own efforts at bringing Rei back. "Never thought I'd see the day I thought of her as a potential way to help someone emotionally."

+++++ 13th Angel + 6: Saturday (86)

"I need you to tell me, face to face, in full honesty, that you're doing this of your own free will." Yang had sat him at her desk, and was standing before him holding his hands, "That you are not just…letting a very pretty girl that I've long admired walk all over you." Squeezing his hands, stopping him from answering right away, she pressed him, "I won't think less of her, I know that she's been going through a lot of stress too. She's…never shown signs of being the kind of a woman who'd pursue a bunch of relationships, but I've been wrong before."

"…And if she _is_ forcing me?" He often wondered how badly people must think he was doing that they worried after his decisions to the degree people like Yang were. "What would you do?"

"I'd tell her off," she scowled. "I know you're her husband, and that I should just let you do what would make your wife happy, but Shinji she's…she's been kissing Tsuru. I know you haven't been, or Tsuru would be over the moon. She talks about equality in your relationship but she's moving things forward without you following along behind her, expecting that you'll just follow along when you have no other choice. You're not interested, you're not that kind of a guy!"

He nodded, "Until I am." He wasn't disagreeing with her, but he could tell she didn't know him quite as well as she thought she did, "I have two states, Yang, and they're both very far apart." Looking down at her hands, he smiled, "I won't touch someone until I'm positive that what I'm feeling is more than just physical attraction, and so I'm slow to act on what it is Hikari and it seems every other person on Earth might consider one of the first things to try. I'm very quick, however, to decide how I feel about someone, so far as categorizing them as good or bad. You, Tsuru? You both were 'good' almost immediately. I was terrified of you, that you'd think I was flirting with you, with how openly friendly you are."

"I'm not going to say I didn't enjoy you touching my leg when I was playing around," Yang shrugged. "You're a handsome guy, and you're not a lecher. Having someone touch me is nice, but that's all it was Shinji. Touching. I hugged you a lot, and I did so because you needed some hugs! You need more human contact, not less, and I don't mind giving you that contact as a friend and nothing more."

"Which is why you were 'good' from the outset," he agreed. "Because you want everyone to be taken care of, if not happy. You weren't giving me food to get into my pants, you were giving me food because I was hungry. You weren't bumping my leg because you wanted me to grope you, you were bumping my leg because I was collapsing in on myself with everyone staring at me. You were distracting me, without asking me to be someone I'm not."

"I'm glad you understand me," she tugged at his hands, "but we're talking about you being forced to do things."

"I'm getting there," he raised his eyebrow, chastising her with a frown. Accepting her look of contrition as an apology, he moved forward, "You are, without question, a beautiful woman. As is Tsuru. As is Suzuka. As is Kodama, and Noelle, and Nicolette, and Asuka, and Misato, and Ritsuko, and nearly every other woman I've ever seen. You know Mikoto-san?"

She looked off to the door, "Your guard? The thin lady who never looks like she's eaten anything in her life?"

"That's her." He waited for her to look back at him, "I think she's gorgeous. Don't lie and say you agree with me."

"She's…distinct." Curling her lips in, she narrowed he eyes, "You aren't judging us physically."

"I refuse to compare sunrises," he shrugged. "Or sunsets. It's not that I don't understand what you might view as attractive, or what Hikari might, or even what Nozomi, Sakura, and Moriko might. But to me, it's not part of my decision-making process. I want to know that the woman inside is truly who I believe them to be, which is what takes me so long in deciding whether or not I'm as interested as Hikari is in someone. If Hikari had been pushing hard for you instead of Maya, I'd never have hesitated to offer you a ring. You're a good person, even though you have some bad habits. If it would make her happy, and it would secure a future that wasn't terrible, the 'forever' kind of love can wait for later. The 'you're a good person and I love you' is much more important."

"…But you'd still love Maya, and we'd be right where we are." She shook her head slightly, "I'm not following you."

"You don't know if you want to join us," he tried a different path. "So I'm not pushing myself to flirt with you. Tsuru _does_ want to join us, and I'm pushing myself to try and see how far the 'good' in her travels. You would sacrifice everything you have to save another person in this house, I don't doubt that in the slightest. Would she? You were nervous standing between Lily and Rose, which is understandable. Tsuru's song was _terrified_. But she didn't run away, she moved to do something more productive."

"She did scoot closer to the kids," Yang mused. "I couldn't see her being that frightened, but if you say you did than I'm not going to doubt you. You've never lied to me."

"I can hear people's emotions," he reminded her. "I can also hear if they're telling the truth."

She lifted her chin, "So what am I feeling right now?"

"Lust," he shrugged. "Which is normal with Lily in the house."

Blushing at the off-handed way he stated the truth, she looked off towards her bath, "I…uh…well…."

"If it makes you feel any better," he said quietly, "I've had more than one idle daydream about sitting you on the teacher's podium after school let out." He joined her in blushing, punishing himself for revealing that he knew her truth.

"You have _not_ ," she looked back at him in shock.

"On the table in the back of the Blue Crane," he locked eyes with her so that she could see his honesty. "On the center island in the kitchen. It's something about your legs wrapping around my waist, I think. You've got very strong legs, and I like being held tight when…well…."

"What if…what if Hikari and I don't 'click'?" She stepped closer, "I mean, I'm…attracted to a married man. It's wrong. It's antithetical to everything I believe in. I know that if you weren't married, weren't claimed, I'd have happily shown you how to sneak back in to school after hours. But Hikari's so…bossy, lately."

"You should ask her about political marriage, then," standing, he towered over her and smiled gently. "I think she'd be disappointed, because she's very attracted to you, but tying the Shirakami to me through you would apply for the rules she herself has come up with."

Hugging him, she laid her head on his stomach, "Is she forcing you to do this, Shinji?"

"No…." He sighed, combing his fingers through her hair, "The future is."

+++++ Author's Notes:

TheHiddenLettuce: RE: Eve.

An enigma.

JaceSterne:

RE: Eve.

It was actually Unit-01 that made me consider that they couldn't be the allegorical reference. Which meant that, in the greater universe of Creation, there needed to be a 'Mother of the Angels' where Angels = Adam's Children. Obviously the Lilin are Angels, that's explicitly referenced in Canon, so we're talking Off-Brand (buy in bulk and save) here.

RE: Mystery Date.

Can you imagine how hard it would be to get Akkadian right? You'd have to have a surgeon's hands, or a musician's, to carve that into someone's skin and have it be recognizable. Not a hack job, that.

RE: Lily.

She's been fun to write, that's for certain. Though, you're incorrect in that she did not _make_ Shinji call her his equal. Shinji gifted that to her by being who he is, which made it all the more delicious for her. The entire reason she's calmed down is because she knows he'll keep his word if she does. His eagerness to see peace has been both a boon and a burden, depending on the circumstances.

origamishishou:

RE: Popo.

A literal gallon of triangles.

RE: Comfort.

As seen in this chapter, one of them is Shinji. He's a tough cookie in combat, but when things settle he does have his weaknesses. Hopefully everyone cooperates well with each other to support everyone while he's juggling.

RE: The parenthetical.

I did see that, and it makes the page seem more Eva-esque. I like it. I'm wondering if there's a way to link it to Neon Gen's page, though. I'm not Wiki-Savvy. I can program in C# and Java, but never once have I touched HTML in any form.

RE: Depression.

I feel you. There are weeks…. It's why I'm always saying that everyone should make sure to take care of themselves before binging on the story. I promise, I'll do my best to keep it here so that people can take care of themselves and read at their leisure. I recently wrote a very short story that I almost posted, ended up not posting it because I am worried that it's tonally jarring when compared to YA(N)C. Not posting it kind of made me depressed, which was ironic.

RE: Zeruel (Locomotion).

I keep re-reading the fight scene I've written, thinking to myself that I should change it. Tweak it. Make it different. It's causing anxiety, because I know why I've done what I've done. But will everyone else? The eternal thread of fate is like that, I suppose.


	102. Chapter 102

+++++ 13th Angel + 6: Saturday (86)

After Rose and Lily delayed everyone with lengthy instructions on how to prepare Shinji's favorite dish _just_ so, the married trio emerged from their bedroom after a 'private talk' over Shinji's willingness to face the world alone that involved very few, if any, actual words. Maya finding that Lily had set out a pillow for her to sit on was an added perk, removing the potentially embarrassing questions about why she might be sitting so shiftlessly over dinner.

Shinji himself was, once more, asked to accept further discomfort by not presiding over the preparation of a meal, or the distribution of that meal. Sitting at the head of the table, he held court over the million and a half new questions the two youngest residents had regarding how many other 'invisible people' he knew. Rose sat with a calm smile by Sakura, holding her hand and offering other insights into the worlds beyond Earth while reminding them both that they must keep everything a secret.

Dinner was a lively affair, with a great deal of cross-conversations about various activities that everyone had been engaged in, or concerns they had about others. The discussion of Shinji's recent 'heroics' was pulled up short by Suzuka, who informed the group in no uncertain terms that such topics were ill-suited to meals. A quick mental council was held between those capable and everyone agreed that there was no good way to explain how the three combatants had found, rescued, or recovered Noelle. The conversation was saved by Kodama who mentioned that she looked forward to seeing the fish tank put to use, which set Nozomi and Sakura to asking a new host of questions about what kind of fish they might see.

Shinji sent a tight smile of gratitude to the eldest Horaki, then promised that after dinner he'd ask Gaghiel to provide a demonstration of what they might find. This, in turn, prompted Lily to demonstrate that she was a very maternal spirit by encouraging the two to think of as many kinds of aquatic creatures as they could. The byplay brought a sorrowful expression to Suzuka, who demurred when Shinji subtly signed if she was all right.

Rose used the same technology she'd engaged to provide a celestial mechanics lesson to show Yang and Tsuru the fashion staples of her home planet, freeing Shinji to stare off towards NERV and those people that were currently missing. It was that action which brought Hikari's gaze back onto him.

"My love?" Her voice was pitched to not draw the rest of the table into something he might not wish known publicly, "Is there something wrong?"

"Mmm?" Blinking, he returned to the table mentally at her touch, "No, no…. I'm just wondering if I should go up to the Tower later. Check in on Noelle, Kelly, Asuka, and see if there's any word on Idunn." He shrugged, looking back down to his plate, "Obligations. Always more obligations."

"How can we delegate, then?" She pressed the point they'd discussed earlier, "You can't be everywhere, and we can't all expect you to be there all the time for us. You're one man, and even if you didn't love us all dearly you'd still not have enough time in the day to check in on people who were just your _friend_ and not more."

"It makes so little sense to me," he set his sticks down, tenting his fingers and leaning on his elbows over his plate. "I'm a leader, which means that I need to care for those beneath me. I'm a husband, a boyfriend, which means I need to spend appropriate time with those who have a claim on me. I'm a brother, or a father-figure, which means I need to support the growth and development of those I love most dearly," he smiled at Nozomi and Sakura who had been surreptitiously listening, causing both to blush and squirm happily. "But I can't do all of it. Not at the same time. If I try to prioritize, it makes the most sense to me to prioritize the stricken. Idunn, Asuka, Noelle, Kelly, and Sakura. But there's nothing I can do for Idunn, or Asuka, or Noelle. I can be there for Kelly and Sakura, but only in the sense that I can listen to their problems and help them find solutions. If I send someone in my place, will that be enough? Will they still know I care? If I'm here at home spending time with you, aren't I just signaling to them that they don't stand as high in my estimation?"

"Only if they don't understand the burdens of leadership," Rose disagreed easily. "There's one of you, and a dozen women at least who need your help from time to time. If they aren't in a situation similar to Noelle, or it doesn't involve direct combat like against an Angel, there will always be times where it might not make sense why you didn't spend any time with them right that minute. A quick talk usually fixes their misunderstanding, and a great deal of patience on the part of the party needing your attention right then and there that both your time and presence are finite."

"I think part of the concern is that he's worried he'll disappoint us," Kodama offered, the rest of the table now interested in Shinji's thoughts. "His mindset is, and likely always will be, focused on what we want instead of what he wants. There are a number of solutions, I personally still think we should consider setting out a schedule of sorts. Set an order, not necessarily a day, for each of us to have some time with him one-on-one. An hour or two at most, so that if things have become extremely hectic we can reconnect with him and talk about what's bugging us or what's gone right with us. It doesn't have to be anything serious, and we can all work together on coordinating 'dates', but just that bit of time every so often would do wonders for organizing his days and making certain he knows we feel loved."

"It's not a bad idea," Yang pitched in. "We run the restaurant pretty similarly. We're open twenty four hours a day, and we have to have team meetings to make sure that we're all aware of changes to how we do things, or changes to the menu, or which tools are being repaired. Those meetings take place at odd times, but just getting together as a team reminds us that while we might not see each other for several hours, or days, we're still backing each other up."

"If there isn't anything pressing," Maya nodded slowly, "then it's just time to sit down and quietly watch TV. Or play a game. It doesn't have to be focused communication time, it can just be time to destress." She looked to Shinji, "If you need to reschedule, then you need to reschedule. There will always be crises, it's just how our life works, Pup. But we, as a group, are going to have to be flexible for any of this to work. We're going to need to not be greedy, and not manufacture a crisis where none exists."

"Which is a good reason to be certain you can be patient before you sign up," Yang tapped the table. "Making his life difficult because you wanted to have a piece of greatness instead of the entirety of something lesser is your decision. Pushing the entirety of that obligation off on Shinji is not only unfair to him, it's unfair to everyone else that's being patient and learning to live within the group."

"It's not like you'll lack for attention, should you want it," Lily stretched sensually. "I'm _positive_ there are others in this house that would _love_ to spend more time around everyone. You just have to be like our dear Maya," she trailed her fingers along the scientist's neck, "and be flexible."

"It does all come down to you not being the only one available to spend time with, my love." Hikari laid her hand in the bend of his elbow, "This dinner is a perfect example. You've spoken three times, and yet I don't think anyone would say they feel abandoned or left out by you. People have been speaking to each other, learning about one another, and all without _needing_ you to guide them. You're worried that you have to micromanage, when all you have to do is be available and set expectations."

"Your wife knows her business, dear heart," Suzuka backed Hikari. "She has spent near to two decades learning the art."

"I'm the focal point," he sighed, "but you make it seem as if it doesn't all depend on me."

"You're the barycenter," Rose corrected. "Everything orbits you, but only because you emit the greatest gravitational pull at any one time. We all have our little systems within our orbital paths, [Song]. We're always in motion, but generally relative to you. We can manage our own affairs, but we'll always be forced by love to consider how they affect you."

"That…burst of music," Tsuru chimed in, "it goes where a pronoun would…does it have some deeper meaning?"

Rose blushed, turning blue, "It…is a flaw in the translation protocols. There are some words that simply don't correlate to another language. If, to use an extreme example, the Japanese had never seen a chair before and had never needed one, you wouldn't have a word for it in your language. The concept itself would never have formed to be given voice. The concept of [Song] is just nothing humanity developed, because your home planet is approximately _entirely_ made of water. There are similar terms that I have a hard time hearing, or understanding, because your people have them and mine do not."

Maya was interested from a sociological perspective, and wanted to buy time for Shinji to think through what he'd been told, "So you can't talk around it? Describe it obliquely? Anthropologists had to do this all the time when nations were making contact with other civilizations that lacked specific scientific advances."

"It…my society is…." She laughed quietly, "This gathering here is a perfect microcosm of the family structure in my culture. Through an insane quirk of biology that hardly makes sense even to us now that we've developed intergalactic space travel, there is a total of one male birth for every sixteen female births. This means that men are terribly precious, but also largely powerless. They don't choose what they eat, what they wear, who they associate with…. If we allowed them to make their own decisions, entire families would die off."

"That's terrible," Yang's jaw hung low. "You can't just treat people like…I don't know, children all their lives."

"Which is part of the reason why your society lacks the word she's using," Lily asserted herself firmly. "Imagine how she feels looking at Earth with its balanced population, how insane it must seem to her that you send your men off to murder each other for a speck of dirt just like any other on Earth. Or because they spend their holy days on the wrong knee. Or because their political system was organized differently."

Shinji saw Yang's objections waver before she groused, "It's still wrong."

"We agree, actually," Rose offered an olive branch. "But without a better means of maintaining our families, our population, our options are limited. All of this is to explain, eventually, how we came by the term I use for Shinji. You see, sometimes women in a particular family prove unable to procreate. This frees up the male they'd secured to find another family. This can mean a great deal to less powerful clans, if they can entice him to join them. It was set up after many thousands of years that the men would choose who they join, so long as the family they join doesn't have a male already. But they have to convince every one of the women that they'll attempt to procreate with them, which means…."

"Courtship," Shinji murmured, the conversation he'd had with her making more sense.

"It's…a dream," she looked at him with a tiny grin. "No woman from as lowborn a caste as I am ever truly has a chance at being courted. It's the subject of most of our wildest fantasies. A man willing, eager even, to mate with someone who isn't nearly as attractive as someone from the highborn, who has markings that would permanently indicate their children were lowborn," she indicated her cheeks. "Yet, on a planet one third the size of my own, in the middle of a dead zone along an unpopulated spiral arm of a galaxy that's of little note…Shinji began to sing my family's song with me. Unprompted, of his own volition…he courted my good favor."

Many around the table began to make sounds of appreciation for the story. Sakura, however picked up on an odd point to pick at, "What's lowborn?"

"It means I'm not wealthy or powerful," she summarized with a patient smile for the child beside her. "My family is poor, they make their living either in servitude to the wealthier families or by working in the moisture farms."

"Wait," Kodama tilted her head quizzically, "then how are you the captain of a ship? That has to be prohibitively expensive."

"Sacrifice," Lily responded for Rose, who had looked down at her plate. "The kind of sacrifice that only someone such as Shinji might understand. Please, dear, don't worry about answering specifics right now. Let's focus on the rest of the story. You were saying that sometimes men court women, yes?"

"Yes," swallowing, the pink-skinned warrior willed away the potential for tears, "I was. Well," she looked back up, in control of herself once more, "there is a specific term for a man who courts those below his station for love. It invokes the idea of the kind of willingness to suffer so that he may enjoy the waters with a woman that society would not consider deserving of him. It is both a tragic and loaded word, when used in general society. But in private, between the man and woman or around their family, there can be no higher compliment." Glancing towards Shinji, she smiled, "I did tell you that you would never be rid of me now, [Song]. We're partners."

"Forever." Shinji set his hands down on either side of his plate, "My fight will not end with the last Angel." Making certain everyone at the table saw him, he gestured to Rose's empty glass. _Sachiel, please fill it with the coldest water you can summon._ The air solidified into moisture, pouring steadily into the container as he tested his boundaries. "Rose, as I know her, is family. My water, her water. Her people, my people. I cannot, I _will not_ sit idle and enjoy peace while those important to my family know only suffering." Setting his hand on Hikari's, he gave Rose his warmest smile, "I would appreciate it if my wives spent some time getting to know the woman who calls me something so meaningful. If they would welcome her into our home with the honor she's earned."

"You…I…this…." Rose's jaw worked, "H-How?!"

"Because you love him," Hikari answered, guessing that Shinji had managed to perform an important ritual or ceremony. "He knows a great deal that those who love him know. It's as sure a method as any for him to be certain of how he feels, and I, for one, look forward to getting to know the woman he has declared as family."

"I am partial to pink," Maya toyed with her engagement ring, smiling at how peaceful Shinji looked.

"It's a lovely color," Suzuka agreed. "Not quite so suitable for my coloration, as far as clothing, but I do admire one who wears it well."

 _Peace is possible, Rose,_ Lily spoke to those capable of hearing. _Between your people, and my people. I am willing to do what I can to aid in the search for it, and all I ask in return is that you fight for it by our side._ "Why don't we go see about those fish, hmm?" Standing, she urged Shinji to come along, _Trust your wives. You set up the scene, let them discuss it. They trust that you're considering their plan, as I know you are._

He nodded, standing as well, "Would you like me to carry you, Sakura? That way you can watch as Gaghiel places the fish."

+++++ 13th Angel + 7: Sunday (87)

"The look on Maya's face when she saw the deep-sea angler was nearly worth putting up with that terrifying creature," Kodama chuckled, sitting in the crook of Shinji's arm as he sat on the couch watching the now-stable fish tank. With her feet tucked up behind her, she idly ran her hand along his leg, "It figures that Nozomi thought it was adorable. She's always had strange taste."

"I don't judge," lightly trailing his fingers along her arm, he enjoyed the closeness she was providing. More so because it was free of the pressure she'd exuded earlier in their time living together, "She's developing her personality, seeing things the way that she sees them is part of it."

Her laugh was quiet, "You're going to make a great father, you know that, right?"

"Kodama," he started to speak, then stopped himself as doubt crept in. The house was quiet. Lily was off at NERV with Maya, Rose was aboard her ship continuing to organize the biological crew into functional units while telling them of the evening's events, Hikari was asleep with Sakura comforting her as she could through another night of tears, Nozomi was dead to the world in her own bed after having run out of energy during the chaos following the angler, Suzuka had left to see to Shirakami business, and Tsuru and Yang were asleep in their new rooms. He wasn't upset that she was the only one awake and present with him after the midnight hour, and in fact had hoped to take advantage of that fact to have another heart-to-heart with her, but now that she was there, comfortable, and not pressing him for anything, he found himself worried she wouldn't be interested.

"Shinji," her tone was gently teasing, her smile curious as to what he'd intended to say.

Her grey-green eyes held so much. Intelligence, affection, confidence…everything he wished he could show to the world. "I love you." The statement came out on its own, without any of the additional baggage he'd been meaning to bring along. He wanted her, wanted to feel her presence against him. He wanted to show her the love he had for her. To show her that he could return her affections, that they didn't need to dance around things anymore. That he belonged to her as much as he could any other woman who'd claimed him. In the end, he managed three words.

They were enough.

There was no teasing, no playful banter. Shifting her weight, she set her feet on the floor and tugged at him to follow behind. Swaying her hips as she walked towards her bedroom, her hand in his, she shared without words that she understood. Her opinion was that he'd had a hard few nights, that he'd pushed himself out as far as he could, and that he was rebounding hard. He'd spent the morning with Hikari, the afternoon with both wives, and the new day was hers to seize should she want it. She knew he wasn't looking at her with lust, or desire, or anything that was so plain or base. He didn't want her body, he wanted her _love_.

Pulling him into her room, she slid the panel closed and leaned against it with a small smile of triumph, "I love you too." Crossing slowly over to where he'd stopped, she undid each button with a deliberate casualness, "And so I leave one decision, and one decision alone to you. Am I letting you do as you'd like, or are we sharing the journey?"

Biting his lip, he looked towards his room as a thought occurred to him, "One…one second."

Kodama was impressed with herself as she didn't scowl at his sudden flight from her room. She was confident he'd return, but the lack of explanation left her wondering if she'd made some mistake in her seduction. When he came back with a familiar device and resealed her room, her eyes lit up, "I have just the thing!" Dashing to her closet, she dug out the package that she'd commissioned in the hopes that it might prove useful.

Shinji's blush grew as she held up a jewel case, the disc's title clearly visible, 'Chise and Fumiki 2: Encore Performance'. Nodding, he moved to set up the device with the long extension cable so that he could lay with Kodama as he had with Hikari. His experience with Hikari had been nothing like he intended with the elder sister, but as such things with him tended to, the memory of what she'd asked for rose to the top as he went to do something for her. Undressing, he watched her manage to place the disc in the player at the same time as she stripped. It wasn't shocking that she was that graceful, but it was a decidedly pleasant viewing experience. "I…thought you might like to…uhm, share. You know…something just for us."

"You, sir," Kodama pushed him onto the bed, waggling the remote and placing herself so that she was laying with her back to him, "have the best ideas." Pressing herself against him, and settling what she desired into place against her, she hit play. As his arms encircled her, she breathed in with deep joy, "I've waited a lifetime for you, Baby."

Whispering, he set his hands to gently caressing her form, "I'm sorry we fought."

"Well," the recording of Fumiki said brightly from the same bed the pair had used previously, "here we are again. Hopefully you and Kodama-chan are nice and comfortable."

Chise was hugging her lover from behind near the edge of the frame, her chin braced on the larger woman's shoulder, "It's been really fun talking about what we could do for you now that we've met, Shinji-kun. With how reserved you are, and how wild Kodama-chan is, it was really hard to balance what might appeal to each of you."

"I'm glad we found each other," Kodama purred, setting herself to rubbing against him. "Fighting will happen, Baby. It's whether we're willing to learn what we did that hurt the other." Ignoring more of the introduction, she looked back at him, "I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry that I became so tied into what I want, that I missed what you need."

She felt wonderful against him, in his hands, and as the women on the disc began to let themselves go…he followed suit. "The past is where it is," his breathing quickened. "We've apologized, we've forgiven. Let's focus on our future." He could feel his heart pounding with need, "I…."

The women on the homemade video were engaging in intense cuddling, prompting Kodama to grip his hands and encourage him to be more firm, "What can I do for you, Shinji? Your touch, your warmth, you're giving me everything." She gasped as he shifted his hips, repositioning himself, "Please…what can I do for you?"

His voice was harsh, his self-control waning, "I…I want…love…." Clutching her to him, he whispered, "I want you to love me."

Words, to Kodama, were nice. Pretty little things that you could set on a table and admire for a few moments as they melted away. Actions, deeds, meant so much more. Pulling away she flipped over and pushed him onto his back. The sudden nature of the movement left his head off the side of the futon, lying on the ground with his hair splayed and his view of the video turned upside-down. As she climbed atop him, she asserted her claim to his person without hesitation. Biting her tongue, as she worked through the stinging pain, she clenched her grip on his hands as she intertwined their fingers. When she looked down on him with clear eyes, unified in form at last, she took a deep breath, and began to move.

There was a poetry in her motions. An undeniable story that was being relayed to him. A sharing of purpose, of hope, of joy. Spurred on by the cries of her friends, driven by a lust that had built over the memories of so many lives they'd lived, Kodama told him how she felt with every centimeter of her body. Taking from him, and returning what was given ten times over, she walked with him along the paths to unity. For her, this was the first of an unending dance. There would be pauses, lulls, but never a full cessation. His life, from this point to the far distant future, would always be one sly wink away from a continuation of what they began. Her life for his, as she knew the reverse was true.

When, at last, she collapsed atop him, having felt what she'd wanted to bring forth, she happily whispered, "I love you, Shinji Ikari. I've loved you all my life, I've loved you in each life I've lived. I will love you for the rest of this life."

"Then…tell me honestly," he hugged her close. "Am I making a mistake? Should I be letting Hikari decide our future? Or am I the reason it all goes dark? Is my stubborn refusal to accept…all of you…." Breathing in her scent, he sighed in irritation, "I can't live without you, but I can't imagine what it is that I'm doing to all of you. I'm stuck, and I'm letting Hikari set my course for me. It…it pisses me off, but I can't bring myself to tell any of you 'No'."

Her voice was tiny, "Would you tell me 'No'?"

"Only in answer to that question," his hand squeezed firmly, as she preferred. "You, Suzuka…Lily and Rose. I owe Lily my life, she's the only reason I have anything good. I owe Rose my sanity, she's been protecting me from Lily's excesses, and has helped me temper Lily's drive. Suzuka…our timeline became extremely compressed. I see what she was trying for, and I appreciate her restraint. She wanted to wait until everything settled down, as we're both immortals. Problem is, being around Lily all the time…does things to people."

She noted the omission, "And…me?"

He'd been honest with Yang, a simple task made easier by the young woman's non-judgmental bias towards his health. He decided he could be honest with the woman in his arms as well, without the reprisal he normally feared, "The first day I saw you, I had to crush an illicit thought about you and I wrapped in each other's arms. I tuned it out, the same way I do with Misato. But it was there. The next time I saw you, the thought grew louder because of what you _weren't_ wearing. When you stormed out of Misato's apartment after I was changed, and begged me to call you if anyone hurt me, my mind said I should. I should ask you to go to a hotel with me. None of this was hormones, Kodama. None of this was driven by the thought of a cheap thrill, but I didn't know that for certain until my emotions were turned off and out of my way. I felt the love you have for me, and I _needed it_. I will do whatever you ask…so that I can feel an ounce of what you have for me." Rolling over so that he was atop her, he blew on his hair so that it was out of his face, "Though I am forced to admit that you being physically perfect is a plus."

"I…heard that guys weren't normally willing to…uhm…." She stretched her arms up to lay about his neck, "I'm kind of sore, mind taking this to the bath?"

"I was anticipating the requests being more along the lines of 'stop belittling myself', but if the bath is what you want," he grinned, hoping she'd accept the joke as a way to stop their time from becoming 'heavy', "then the bath is what you get."

+++++ 13th Angel + 7: Sunday (87)

Once Kodama was asleep, after finding that even the bath was unable to enable her to continue, Shinji climbed cautiously out from behind her and cleaned up the disc player. There was self-loathing, hatred really, but he did what he could to push it off. He'd done nothing more than what his wife had asked, he'd made Kodama very happy, and if there were no good futures without him in it for the women present he owed it to them to suck up and deal. Replacing the disc in the case, he set it back in the drawer it had been pulled from to avoid the risk of the younger members of the household discovering it.

She'd not answered his question, which was an answer in itself. Nobody but him could really say what he should do, or shouldn't do. Maya said it best, in that if they loved him they'd tell him what _they_ would do based on what he did. Never as an ultimatum, but as a way to help him learn more realistic outcomes to decisions. Her paradigm, however, was easier when it dealt with not doing the dishes, or Hikari leaving her clothes next to the hamper. Things like bedding other women with the consent of his wives was a lot harder to determine 'realistic outcomes' for.

Finding his room empty, he felt for the songs of those present in the house. Kodama's was simple, as he'd been coated in it. Nozomi's was still blissfully asleep, as were Tsuru's and Yang's. He found Hikari's next to Sakura's, both tangled together. The urge to check in on them was smothered, as he didn't want to risk waking them just to assuage his petty anxieties. The one other song in the house belonged to the eternal warrior, who must have returned at some point during his time with…his girlfriend? Titles again becoming confused in his mind, and so he left it alone. Wearing the house pants his personal shopper had brought for him, and nothing else, he padded to Suzuka's room on silent feet. Instead of knocking, he simply called, _Suzi? Do you have a moment?_

A span of heartbeats passed, and the door slid open revealing a woman clearly suffering through a bad night. Gripping his wrist, she pulled him into the room roughly and closed the door, "I appreciate your manners, dear heart, but I would prefer in the future that you simply enter my chambers. We have lain together, we have fought together, and unless I miss my guess we may soon be wed. My space is yours, as I would hope your space be mine."

"What's wrong?" He was avoiding making a decision, he knew it, she knew it, but her appearance compelled him to act to secure others before himself. "You look like you've just heard something terrible."

"I…had intended to wait until later today, expecting you to spend the evening with Kodama-chan," she gestured over to her table, and a stack of notes. "It is not that I desired to hide these from you, nor that I would think I _could_ hide them from you. I simply wished for more time to come to a decision as to how I might advise you."

Shinji walked over to the papers, recognizing the folds as letters sent via the postal service. "You've taken over for Kelly?"

"One of us must do the duty, and better that it be someone with more years on this planet than Hikari." Moving to stand near him, she took the third letter down and pulled it to the top, "Read."

'To Duke Shinji Ikari,

I'm powerful sorry that I don't know how to properly address you, good sir. Please don't take my lack of education as an insult, I looked for examples to use, but there aren't that many around where I'm from. _Especially_ in my country, where we haven't had royalty since we kicked them out a few hundred years ago. Anyway, I don't want to waste your time. I'm sure you have a thousand better things to do than listen to some old lady carry on.

I was watching the television recently when they showed some footage of you over there in Japan. Showed you healing a little girl of a stammer, news lady said. Well, I saw that and thought of my little grandbaby. She's seventeen, of an age with you I hear. Though I don't believe that for a moment, mind. You're a man full grown if I've ever seen one. Anyway, my grandbaby…she's mute. They say her mind is the problem, her throat works fine. She just can't seem to speak, never has, not one word.

I don't know that I have much I can offer to someone such as you, but I was hoping that you might see fit to visit. I'd be happy to make you a home-cooked meal, a nice pie if that's your taste. Peaches grow real nice around these parts, make for some filling desserts. We're not real rich, but I promise we're generous with what we have. You might not be able to help, I know this, but if you can…. I'd love to hear my grandbaby speak before I leave this earth to join my husband. My address is on the envelope, and my telephone number is next to my name. Please, sir, any time of day or night is fine, as I know you're terrible busy defending the world.

Yours in the brotherhood and love of the Lord Jesus,

Marybeth Daniels, (xxx) xxx – xxxx'

"Another one," he nodded. "I'll give it to Akane."

"Another…?" Suzuka frowned, "How many requests for help have you been given? There are twenty three here just like this," she tapped the letter he held. "I've been fretting since I retrieved them, knowing how you tend to react when people are suffering. Wondering how I might dissuade you from flying out to see them right away."

"A couple hundred by now," he shrugged, setting the letter down and picking up another to skim through it. "Most of them are pretty easy. Offer some direction, ask Kelly to contact someone in a leadership position in their local area, encourage people in their home country to do something to help." Gesturing to the first letter with the second he glanced at her briefly, "That one's new. It makes sense after Ogawa that people would begin to ask for what she is. Though the bit about her religion at the end is pretty common in letters from America, all told."

She pressed on what she felt was the more important point, "And yet you told no one?"

"Tell them what?" Creating a new stack out of the second letter, he picked up a third, "Everyone here in the house has enough problems they're handling. I can't fly off to Paris, or Moscow, or Tall Oaks, wherever that is. I have to be here, to fight the Angels. I have to be here, to counter Tabris. My obligations to the world force me to stay _here_. Through the UN's military I have a reach that few could hope to match, and I've been using it to encourage people to do what Hikari encourages her fellow students to do. Most of my letters are people thanking me for a call they received from a 'senator', whatever that is, or a minister of parliament, or their mayor, all after I asked around about ways to help." He pointed to the second letter, "That one is easy. She wants a picture to put on the prayer board of her church. This one," he flicked the letter he was holding, "I'll need to ask Admiral Lazarev to contact someone from Saint Petersburg. It looks to me like their daughter hasn't been responding to letters from home, and even if the sailor doesn't want to speak to their parents they should at least _tell them_ they don't want to speak to their parents." His eyes narrowed, "Though, if I remember correctly there was another one from Saint Petersburg about problems with their parents too. Do you know if the Russians have a problem with homosexuals?"

"Shinji, how much additional stress is this causing you?" She thrust her hand back to a bag by her cabinet, "There are hundreds more letters, I just chose the first two dozen."

"Stress?" He blinked, "No, this isn't stressful at all." His face shifted to quizzical, "Suzi, I'm helping people. These people are writing to share their worries, their fears. Sometimes they write to thank me, or praise me, which is a little uncomfortable. Kelly would always warn me when the letters were angry, because they went through screening and her before coming to me she'd know which ones. Even the angry people can be helped, and one of the letters I re-read from time to time is from a man that wrote me back after I replied to his first letter. He was mad that the Eva project was taking up everyone's taxes. I walked him through the cost deficit we run at, and how the engineering teams have dedicated programs to identifying waste, fraud, or abuse. How proud Chief-san is of his people for being at the top of the charts for recovering cost losses. He said his local governor never bothered to talk to him about 'common sense' programs like that. He thanked me for taking the time to do it, and he and I have exchanged letters several times now. His daughter is having a baby soon, I've already sent a care package in our name."

"Dear heart," anger colored her tone, "might it be too much to ask that you include the Shirakami in such 'programs' as the one you have set up? They have been coercing me to pressure you to become more involved in just such matters. Hoping to boost your profile nationally, and eventually internationally. I have pushed back, believing you to be under far too much stress to add additional work such as that."

"You knew I was writing letters," he frowned. "You've seen me doing it."

"I believed you to be writing letters to the family of those sailors aboard the fleet." Keeping her anger lashed down was challenging her, "I did not believe your campaign had expanded beyond the UN's military."

"If it will make you happy, you can sit with me while I write things out. Hikari knew," he shrugged, setting the third letter atop the second, "she's been helping me organize the system at school, so it's not like it's a secret." Turning, he hugged Suzuka, "I am sorry that you have been being harried by people about me. I am sorry that you were worried I might jump like a startled rabbit. I haven't helped you by being so impulsive, and setting expectations was actually a part of my discussion with Kodama tonight. I don't know how to set expectations of people, and it's clear I don't even know how to approach others for their expectations of me. So I am sorry, Suzuka. I did not know this was important to you, and I did not inquire. I should have been more open."

Like the stopper pulled on a bathtub, her anger drained away. Slowly returning the embrace, she took a deep breath, and exhaled, "I appreciate your apology, and I should have discussed things with you before being angry with you. You could not know what I did not tell you, and it is silly of me to be angered with you over a crime I myself am guilty of committing." Letting her hands explore his back, she luxuriated in his embrace, "I am sorry, Shinji. I nearly lost my temper again."

"But you didn't," he smiled, unseen. "That's progress."

"Insufficient as it is," she replied.

"But still worthy of reward," seizing the initiative, he pushed her back towards her futon. Tripping her onto it, he knelt down swiftly to pin her, "I believe that it's your turn for punishment, little deer." Even he was surprised at how direct he'd become with those women he felt had a claim on him. It felt wonderful, it felt powerful. The terrifying, intoxicating, power was in his grasp. Mentally promising himself that he'd not abuse it, he leaned down and kissed his living weapon.

+++++ 13th Angel + 7: Sunday (87)

"That would be my fault," Lily offered quietly to Maya. "He needs to be distracted, or he might come to work and discover what I'm doing. Now, I will repeat that I am not changing anything about her. Her core personality is, and will remain, the same. Setting up boundaries, borders, those things that will protect her against Eve's outsized persona, it's delicate work. Turning up his libido a little stops him from having to worry over nothing; encouraging him to use my power with those women he's close to, it's not so bad. It increases his power, which increases the power of those within him, and it draws those others closer and tighter to him. Tell me, honestly, wouldn't you rather be home now?"

"I'd rather my husband not be manipulated," Maya growled.

The pale Angel rolled her eyes, "It's not manipulation, it's encouragement."

"It's a distinction without a difference," the scientist retorted hotly.

"If you went home, right now, and walked in that room they'd bring you into what they're doing without a second thought," Lily chastised. "You are not being replaced. _You_ chose to come here. You could be at home receiving all the affection you want."

"I don't mind that he's sharing," Maya retorted. "I mind that you're pushing him into it."

"I'm not pushing him into anything," turning fully to face the shorter woman, she gently gripped her shoulders. "I'm _encouraging_ him. He loves all of you. You all love him. That love will carry you through what is to come. Or, if you'd prefer, he can be too weak to defeat Zeruel, too weak to prevent the Judges from acting, too weak to stop Tabris." Stepping against Maya, she placed her lips next to her ear and breathed out, "Or we can have a few moments to ourselves, if that would help you focus?"

The electric thrill she felt at being in such close proximity to a being of eternal lust was overwhelming. The sensation that she was the object of desire, that Lily wanted her, that she was _special_ all swirled through her mind. Stepping back was quite easily one of the most difficult things she'd ever done, and it showed in her voice, "Do what you came here to do, and get Asuka awake again. I'm going to go verify what progress has been made on Rei's _corpse_." Using anger to overcome the seductive force, she forced herself to walk away from the offer.

 _I think I might like her,_ Eve's voice whispered into Lily's mind. _I've never seen_ anyone _turn you down._

 _She's the second,_ the Night Mother replied, her tone business-like. All of the seductive energy she'd been broadcasting dropped cold, the mission accomplished. She hadn't wanted Maya to go with her into NERV, she had in fact wanted Maya to be the one at home attempting to become pregnant, but as she had found to her dismay nobody told Maya Ikari what to do. _Shinji chose wisely when he brought her in._

 _Maybe he's just not that into you,_ the former wife of Adam shrugged, materializing outside of Asuka's mind. _Might like women with a hint of subtlety._ Running her fingers along her arms, she smiled venomously, _Maybe he'll prefer me._

 _That's his choice._ Lily sat down next to Asuka's form and began her work, _I have told him I'm willing to alter my form to look more like a dog, if that's something that he has to get out of his system. A jackal like you shouldn't be that much harder to emulate._

 _Oooh, catty,_ Eve snorted. Looking around the room, she continued her assault on the woman she despised, _Especially coming from the one woman he doesn't seem to be giving it to. His wife seems content, and if that discussion was honest, he's already bedded three others this evening alone. Insatiable, and yet not touching you. What_ ever _could that mean, hmm?_

 _Why don't you go find out?_ Not rising to the bait, she looked the woman that 'replaced' her square in the eye, _After he denies you, I might be able to convince Suzuka to not tear you apart. The women he's surrounded himself with are very territorial, though they accept those newcomers that aren't carrying a cornucopia of diseases like you are._

 _Please, I'll have his seed easily. He contains_ his _power, and the two of us are drawn together by forces beyond his ability to even comprehend. I would have to accept his naïve fumblings, of course, he is rather young. Still, I'm certain he makes up for it in enthusiasm. At least he'll be interested in my pleasure, unlike_ him. Eve huffed as she looked away, _Did you have to include his embryonic form? Was there no other way to complete this coup?_

 _It was either this, or instrumentality. Merge the universe itself into a gestalt controlled by the greatest force, or trust Creation to the one version of my child that wants everyone to love everyone else. Would you prefer to be forever knowing what Adam was thinking, or would you prefer to hit on the man who told Adam to sit down, shut up, and do what he was told?_ Flicking her fingers off to the side, she showed a replay of Shinji storming in to remind Adam of who was in control before leaving for Nevada. _He won't bite on your bait. I'm telling you that now. Unless Hikari herself deems you important to the future, you're out of luck. If Hikari wasn't afraid of me,_ I _would be out of luck._

 _Oh, he is delightful, isn't he?_ Toying idly with her hair as the tape looped, the third creation of the ancestors leaned in to get a better look at Shinji, _I'm glad I'd been interfering with the shard now. She wouldn't even begin to know what to do with him._

 _You might have been kinder to her,_ Lily stated quietly. _There were better ways to convince her not to try to have children than programming her to think they were all attempted replacements for her in other people's eyes. The term 'doll' is supposed to be a compliment for the child's beauty, not a pejorative._

 _She's a woman of strong passions. If she'd taken it into her mind to have a child by Shinji, I would have had to have kept her permanently unconscious to stop it. It's why I interfered; she is strong enough to contain my power._ Sitting back, she looked over to the sleeping teen's face, _We don't need extra competition, Lilith. She can survive as his friend, and naught else._

+++++ 13th Angel + 7: Sunday (87)

"He's not happy with it, Hiki," Kodama watched as Shinji supported Sakura while the young girl continued to assault her limitations doggedly on the lawn out in front of their home. "I don't know that he'll ever tell you 'No', though."

"I know my husband's mind, Koko," Hikari sighed. "If you saw the path as I do, you'd push him towards it too." Sitting on the blanket under the sun, she projected a calm she did not feel, "What do you need to know to help me with this? What more can I tell you? I'm not just allowing him to sleep with you because you're my sister, you need to be here to keep him alive. Physically, alive. Every future without you in it, he's dead." Wincing as Sakura tripped, though her husband was quick to catch her owing to his inhuman speed, she half reached out to help out of habit, "Emotionally alive is Maya's job."

"And what about you?" The elder sister was pleased that their two newest houseguests were engaging in exercise-based play with Nozomi, but she worried greatly that her middle sister was setting them up to replace someone. "If I'm supposed to stop him from dying, and Maya-chan is supposed to keep him from checking out, what's your role in all of this? You keep throwing people between you two, are you unhappy being married?"

"Don't start with me," Hikari murmured with faux sweetness. "If it meant keeping my marriage alive, I would throw everyone else out of this house myself. My place is where he can see me." Her smile grew as Shinji lifted Sakura up off the ground to gently spin around in celebration, "I'm his anchor, which is something of an irony. I keep him here. I keep him from resetting everything. After he slaughtered a group of men that were going to torture you in exceedingly creative ways, I was the one he sought out to beg for forgiveness."

"Sometimes I wish I could see things as you do," Kodama replied quietly. "All I ever see are the pasts, anymore. Lives where he and I never met. The future is all muddy."

"No, you don't." When her husband smiled over to her, waving with Sakura and calling out her achievement, she returned the smile with as much warmth as she could, despite the cold pit in her stomach, "I only see what life wishes me to see. It might be nice if it wished me to see something more pleasant."

+++++ 13th Angel + 7: Sunday (87)

"That's…unpleasant," Kozo hid his mouth behind his fist, leaning over the picture. "Shinji did this?"

"Without breaking a sweat," Temple shrugged. "It's been some time since I've seen video footage that violent. I transferred out of that kind of duty to get away from it." Taking a long drink of her tea, she rolled her finger to indicate that her ultimate superior should look at the next report.

Scanning through the various biometrics, he saw what she'd intended him to find, "Enhanced? How?"

"The various chemicals in their bloodstream were injected, if I had to guess, as soon as he opened the door," pouring herself another cup, she shook her head. "They weren't meant to live very long lives, even if they survived Shinji. The kind of damage these things would do to their livers, their kidneys, their pancreatic function, not to mention their hearts and brains. Short term, fast-acting, but it would boost their strength and pain tolerance well beyond normal. Against your Agents, these men would have been a match for two or three men each in a brawl. Against Shinji and his ladies? May as well have been kittens before a tsunami."

"And he thought they were anti-radiation drugs," Kozo smirked. "There's something comforting about knowing he's still fallible. Humanizing."

"More human than I am, sir," Temple snorted a laugh. "How is he doing, mentally? Been quite a load recently, I'm worried."

"Right now," he glanced over to the constantly updating report from those assigned to guard Ikari Manor, "he's working with Sakura Suzuhara. Helping her exercise and feel like a part of the family, I would imagine. That is probably a positive sign, all told. He's undoubtedly attempting to redress the grievous pains of his past by repairing the life of a child in the present, but I could think of a million worse coping mechanisms than becoming the surrogate brother and-slash-or father of an orphaned child."

+++++ 13th Angel + 7: Sunday (87)

"Good afternoon, Lieutenant Commander," Admiral Drake stood at the entrance to Kelly's room, his hat tucked neatly under his arm. "I apologize for interrupting your meal."

"No, si-" Wincing as she went to set aside her tray, twisting her leg inside of its cast in a manner that was not even mildly pleasant, she grimaced as the elder officer seemed to appear by her side, taking the tray from her and setting it aside, "I'm sorry, sir."

"Medical science has not yet caught up to military science," a new voice spoke from the doorway. "It is a sad truth that we find ways to kill and maim far before we find new ways to cure those who've been harmed." Sliding the door closed, she turned around and faced the bed, "Please, let us set aside any formalities for the remainder of this conversation. All three of us are well aware of the protocols, but slavish devotion to them at a bedside intended to be a place of relaxation and healing is idiocy."

"Madame Secretary," Kelly recognized the woman quickly. "I…if you wish, ma'am."

"Asking Kelly to stop being polite is nearly as useless as asking Shinji to," the Admiral smiled gently patting his favorite subordinate on the shoulder. "Catholic upbringing, you see."

"An upbringing I can respect," the German woman laughed. "I'm from Bavaria, myself. My mother was Catholic, my father Lutheran. It provided for busy and engaging Sundays, I assure you." Moving next to the bed, though maintaining a polite distance, she pulled out a pair of slightly differing crosses she kept on the same thin chain, showing them to the stricken officer, "They attempted to bridge the gap for me, however. Never once speaking ill of the other's beliefs, even during the worst of the last millennium." Tucking the piece back into her blouse, she extended her hand in greeting, "Gretchen von Ortenburg, I am truly pleased to have a chance to speak with you."

"Kelly Chambers, ma'am," the redhead was well aware of the woman she was speaking to as she accepted the greeting, just as she knew the woman herself knew who she was. The polite fictions of introducing themselves gave a humanizing touch to the proceedings, and told her enough about the woman's intent, "I'm sorry that I don't have many seats to offer, the rolling stool is comfortable from what I hear."

"I prefer to stand, to be honest," the woman's smile was open, free of guile. "The flight here was long, the security checks between the deck of the carrier and here longer, and I fear my posterior might flatten out if I attempt to use it any more today."

Samuel was not without his own talents at reading people, and could tell that Kelly was worried about representing Shinji as she was, "Kelly, I promise, she is not here to harm him. She left most of her retinue behind at the fleet today, only bringing those few that would be necessary to pre-stage the school for tomorrow's meeting. She came here alone hoping to speak to you to learn what she could about _not_ upsetting the man."

"Just so," Gretchen nodded firmly. "His Grace does not need more pain in his life, especially with the recent loss of his good friend and fellow pilot. He has been spreading good works throughout the planet, his letters have begun reinvigorating civic engagement in politics back home. My colleagues have reported similar rises in America, despite and indeed increased because of the turmoil their Vice President has caused. I admit to curiosity regarding this 'aura of wellness', I hope to convince him to give a demonstration. Does it harm him?"

The Admiral could feel Kelly's reluctance, and pulled a stool over to sit down and offer his own reassurances, "I'm not asking you to betray your oath. I offered what I could, but you have had much more exposure to him. He'll show what he can do, as much as he's willing. What she needs to know is what she asked, will it _harm_ him?"

"It…will embarrass him," Kelly began, haltingly. "I wish I could be there, because he does best with someone between him and other people."

"I'll be present," Samuel assured her. "I'll be on his side of the table, representing the UN Armed Forces. General Benoit will be present, representing the UNIGC. Between the two of us, if anyone gets pushy we'll shut everything down."

"Which I approved of in writing," Gretchen offered. "These Angels have proven themselves capable of obscene damage. The strongest militaries in the world couldn't dent their defenses but Shinji Ikari could, did, and has. We are not here to intimidate him, to aggravate him, or to twist his actions into politically beneficial pretzels. I want to see, with my own eyes, what we have created. To know, without any doubt, that I do not need to find whatever Doctor Frankenstein caused this and punish them for crimes against humanity. If he is as you believe, if he has inspired the confidence that Samuel says he has…then I wish to offer him deeper ties to humanity." Her hands stayed folded, her smile never once wavered, "So please. Tell me what I must know to not startle a gentle heart."

Looking over to the man that had sent her as the best hope of keeping Shinji out of trouble, and receiving a single nod of reassurance, the newly minted Lieutenant Commander turned her eyes down to her feet. If she betrayed him unknowingly, she'd never forgive herself, but if she didn't help him…then she didn't deserve his offer. "Reduce the number of men present. He's not quite androphobic, but they increase his stress. He feels judged, like everything he's doing is put under a microscope when your bog-standard 'A-Type' male is around. We were fortunate in that Admiral Drake and Admiral Lazarev are who they are, as neither tripped that trap badly enough that it was unrecoverable. Also, don't hem him in, always leave room for him to step away. He's not nervous, he's shy. He tends towards formality, but hates reciprocation, so if he asks to be 'just Shinji', please…just call him Shinji." Her eyes drifted towards the Secretary, "When you ask him for a demonstration, _do not_ ask for a violent one. He abhors violence."

The Bavarian woman's ability to take mental notes was a large part of the reason for her success in life. As she listened to one of the best sources of information on her goals outside of Shinji's wives, she couldn't help but feel as if the contradictions that made up his life were ultimately what led to his own success. Built for war, devoted to peace. A brilliant mind, without any great ego. Filled with love, unwilling to accept it in kind. Abused beyond reason, and yet he paid forward kindness. Each piece fit the puzzle, despite making no real sense in aggregate. Her hopes to encourage global peace, to promote him beyond a regional influencer, all rested on nonsense being sensible. Which, of course, was her specialty.

+++++ 13th Angel + 7: Sunday (87)

Leaving Rose to keep the house safe, Shinji made his way into NERV unannounced. He had Maya's lunch, as well as a lunch for Ritsuko and Misato, and hopes that he might surprise his wife pleasantly. The people back home had seen him, he'd spent several hours speaking with them, and now he could go into work and meet his obligations there without feeling as if he'd slighted anyone. The 'treat' he'd prepared for Kelly wasn't anything spectacular, but he'd worked with Kodama to make sure that it wouldn't upset the clinicians.

"It would be nice if I didn't feel like I was making a mistake somehow," he murmured as he approached the checkpoint. "Sergeant Yokawa," he nodded politely in greeting to the man that had been stationed at the same guard shack for months now it seemed, "I hope the day's been uneventful?"

"Nothing worth reporting, sir." The eager NCO walked the line between formality and informality, having spent more than one conversation with Shinji being reminded that the pilot felt 'he was nothing special' while attempting to not risk his eligibility for promotion by offending those that surrounded the most special man ever to exist. "Anything I need to be concerned over?"

"Just delivering some lunch to my wife," he shook his head. "I'd like it if there wasn't anything to be concerned over, but I can't make any promises with the world the way that it is."

"I can agree with you there, sir. Please, let me know if there's anything I can do to help." Saluting as he held the gate open, his confidence rose as Shinji returned the gesture with a smile and a nod. The recognition he received from the young man was well beyond that which he got from most of the other staff, and with his supervisor watching the tapes lately he hoped it would lead to something pleasant.

Shinji, oblivious to the man's hopes, simply continued on his way. It never occurred to him that he might be able to help people be promoted, or receive raises, as that was in other people's realm to manage. He couldn't promote Asuka, the only 'subordinate' he had left, and so the issue was null to him. Greeting people as he walked past, stopping for a few photos, and listening to one woman's diatribe regarding recent changes to the network security, he eventually found himself at his destination, the song of his wife emanating from behind a closed door.

Opening the portal was simple, he'd been granted access to everywhere in the facility after Misato determined that they would hide nothing from him, and as he walked in he found three of the four women he'd brought gifts for debating something without rancor. As one, they turned to see who'd entered, and his smile reflected his concern that he might have interrupted, "It's a little late for lunch, now that I think about it, but I brought everyone something to eat?" The tug on his heart as he saw Rei's body floating in a tank of LCL marred his smile, but he pushed his spirits back up to not draw everyone down, "My way of thanking everyone for working hard…on, uh…on everything."

"Pup," Maya was the first to break the stasis, "you didn't have to come all the way out here."

He could sense her worry, but he misread it as a general anxiety about his recent problems instead of concern over anything specific, "I can't climb in Unit-01 and practice. I'd spent time with everyone back home, and then I realized after our lunch that you hadn't brought anything in." Approaching, he held out the sack with the boxes, "I hadn't expected to find all three of you together, but I brought one for each of you."

Misato, now well reminded regarding Shinji's ability to detect lies, instead pushed the conversation away from the need for it, "Well I'm glad you found us, because I'm starving." Rounding Maya, she relieved him of the heavier bag, "Woof. How much did you make us? We're not looking _that_ thin, are we?" Tapping him with her elbow, she put out that million-megawatt grin, "Eh? Eh?"

"Well," he looked her over, "actually…you and Ritsuko look like you've lost several kilograms. I hope it was intentional, though I wouldn't say either of you needed to. I know that smoking cessation programs usually include a great deal of diet and exercise, as people can gain weight. I'm glad that you've been focusing on your health, though, Rits. Maya mentioned at home the other day that you've not smoked once since I asked. That's a huge accomplishment."

"She's given up drinking," the quarter-blonde gestured to Misato as she was handed her meal. "You're a regular vice crusher, Shinji. What terrible crutch have you convinced your wife to give up?" Ritsuko, having been present for the argument between Misato and Maya, was now well informed about Asuka's 'surgery'. Picking up Misato's hints, she threw another topic into the mix to draw everything further away from dangerous waters. "Perhaps she's not eating so many chocolate bars?"

"One every other day," Shinji shrugged. "I buy them for her, because she won't buy them for herself. She shares a third of each bar with me, in return."

The last woman to receive her meal, his wife seemed to be chewing on a thought, though her comment was unrelated to it, "Is everything ok at home? Sakura-chan's fine?"

"She walked for five minutes today without stumbling," he reported with a broad smile. Pride in the little girl's accomplishment shone off of him, "She held my hands, but didn't lean against them. She's learning to push through the pain, and when she eventually did trip she didn't let it get her down. Even after last night's discussion, she's not wallowing in anything. I promised I'd take another bath with her and a minder." He looked to Misato, eager to explain the statement as he realized how it sounded, "I wear a blindfold, so I don't see anything. Without someone else there, she might hurt herself…she enjoys sitting in the water with me, though. I don't think it's bad... It's not, right?"

"I think it's great," Ritsuko chimed in quickly. "Your baths are so large, she can do hydro-therapy while soaking. If you're uncomfortable seeing her in such little clothing, a blindfold is a great compromise. She gets more time around someone encouraging her to be better, and you maintain her dignity."

"It's very much an older brother thing to do," Misato nodded. "I don't think you need the blindfold, you're not the kind of man that I would worry about. However, if it makes you comfortable than that's what's important." Gesturing to the remaining box, she looked between him and it, "Did you want to eat with us? That's not a 'you' amount of food."

"Oh," he shook his head, "this is for Lieutenant Commander Chambers. I'm sure she's fine with the food here, but I thought it might be nice to give her something more in keeping with 'home' for her." Once more he looked between his wife and Ritsuko, "I had Kodama help, she didn't think it would be bad. If you think you should check, though? I mean, I'll have Temple-san ok it."

"I'm sure it's fine," Maya soothed his chest. "Why don't I head up with you? We were arguing over timelines on several projects, but I think perhaps a break might allow us all to re-approach the topic with fresher heads." Her eyes went to Misato, "Yes?"

"I agree," the lavender-haired beauty nodded eagerly. "So long as you don't dawdle, Maya-chan. No stopping between here and the Tower, and make sure he gets home before too long." A teasing smile crawled across her lips, "Your husband has school in the morning, you cradle robber."

"Cradle," Shinji snapped his fingers, as if remembering something. "That's the word I was looking for earlier."

Misato's smile dropped, "Are…are we?"

"Not to my knowledge," Maya pushed her husband towards the door. "But with all the robbing I've been doing, who knows? Come on, Pup. Let's get what you've made up to the Tower so I can eat." Once she was outside with him, she reverted to the mental communication, _I've been arguing all day with Misato over dedicating so much time to what you and I know is a hopeless endeavor. I've had to keep myself from just saying, 'She's dead. Not coming back to that body'. It's made the discussion a lot more tense than I wanted, and I was trying very hard to not upset Misato._

 _I'm sorry, Kitten._ Running his hand over the back of her neck, he smiled in commiseration, _I hate to say that I'm glad it was you and not me, but you're better at hiding the truth than I am. I'd have blurted it out within seconds. I'm just glad nobody said anything when I left it vague what I was thanking everyone for._

Waiting at the elevator to the main floor, she hugged him, _They probably just read it as discomfort at being in the room with the nude body that once housed your friend. You aren't the kind of man that would enjoy that kind of display, and everyone there knows it._ When the car arrived, her heart warmed as he held his hand over the sensor, allowing the two ladies onboard to depart with a smile and a nod. Hikari was not alone in recognizing how far their husband had come, the difference thrilling her despite her heavy heart.

Waiting for his wife to board, he stepped in and tapped the button to send them skyward, _So. Why are you so nervous?_ It hadn't escaped his attention that all three women were discussing something involving him, despite his wife's contention that it was only about Rei. The only possible explanation for the conversation being as stilted as it was, was that he would have been upset by the topic. _Is it something I need to know about, or is this one of those things that will only serve to upset me._

Not meeting his eyes, as she was well aware of what they held, she shook her head, _That ability of yours is really maddening sometimes._

 _If I could turn it off, I would,_ he admitted. _It feels like I'm spying on people, sometimes. If this isn't my business, then say so. I don't need to know everything, I just need to know that I have done everything I can to help the people I love._

 _Work…is continuing on Asuka,_ she left the full truth out. _She's fine, but as you know she was being manipulated. Her medication needs to be adjusted, her actions monitored, everything that she's done has to be analyzed so that we can try and find this bastard and stop it from continuing. There isn't anything you can do but be patient, and stay out of the way. When she's awake again, you can be there for her. She needs a friend, like you said._

 _I'd be in the way?_ He frowned, unhappy that he couldn't help, unhappy that his presence would be harmful. He did not, however, rage against the truth. He was no doctor, and the only option he had available was doing to Asuka what he did to Maya, which was not the kind of action one took with an unconscious, non-consenting human being. _I…thank you for letting me know what you can. It's private medical information, and I don't have a right to more than that._

As the doors opened to the main floor, she took his hand and walked out holding onto him, _I am lucky that you understand so well the notion that you can't be told everything. I wish I could tell you, but I shouldn't._

Not embarrassed in the slightest to have his wife walk hand-in-hand with him, he felt his confidence grow as people looked on, _Honor. It's a strict master, but I'm proud to be married to a woman that carries it well._

+++++ 13th Angel + 7: Sunday (87)

"I'll give it to her when she wakes up," Kaz promised. "She was visited earlier by a couple Westerners, and I think that took it out of her. She asked for some painkillers, and conked out."

Shinji watched her sleep through the closed door, his wife reading through the medical logs, "Thanks, Kaz. I know you don't need me to ask, but if there's anything I can do to help…?"

"You'll be the first or second to know, depending on if I find you or the Lieutenant Colonel first." The big man gestured over to Noelle, "Her respirator is doing its job, and the blood panels aren't showing anything concerning. The Haraldson family stopped by earlier today, said some prayers. She's not been alone either, promise."

"Excuse me, Kaz-kun?" Maya held the medical record open, "What surgery is scheduled for tomorrow? If she's got a surgery, we really shouldn't be giving her anything solid."

"Surgery?" The big man walked over quickly, "She doesn't have anything I've been aware of. The boss said specifically we could start phasing her onto more solid foods, denser proteins." Scanning the log, then moving to his terminal and logging in quickly, he shook his head, "Who the hell…." Tapping out an extension on his phone without looking, he hit the speaker button and waited for the line to connect, "Miyamura, do you know a Doctor Nagisa?"

"Nagisa?" Shinji recognized Rina's voice, "No. We have a Naoto, a Nakamura, and a Nally, but no Nagisa."

"Find the boss, bring her here," he sighed. "Either someone's playing silly buggers, or we have a problem with Chambers."

"Will do," Rina sing-songed, hanging up the phone.

Shinji could feel the anger building, "Is there any reason for her to stay in the hospital, other than pain medication?"

"Paladin, I promise you we wouldn't have let her head off to surgery without checking why." Kaz held his hands out to motion soothingly, "We've become a rather exclusive medical unit up here, and only those people we know for certain are even allowed to come through the elevator. There's no way someone would make it up here, and back out with a patient, without us raising hell over it."

"And if the people attack?" He looked to Maya, "What if that group of mercenaries assaulted here?"

"NERV isn't without defenses, Pup," she joined her colleague in trying to calm Shinji down. "You saw the agents we passed. Nobody comes near the Tower without a reason."

"The same agents that allowed people into the apartment building that most of them live in? The same agents that let that," he gestured to Noelle, "happen?" _The same agents that allowed Asuka to feed data to the enemy?_ "You look me in the eye and tell me that I shouldn't be nervous that I'm about to lose another friend, Maya. If they can get into the medical records, even as a prank, I need to be concerned."

"I'm not incapable, Paladin," Kaz tried a new tactic. "I'm pretty big. All of us here are trained to fight, we wouldn't let anything happen to one of your ladies. I know you're nervous after everything, but this might just be an attempt to rile you up. We would have let you know when we found the attempt, and you'd be just as angry as you are right now. But what if they want you to pull her out? What if that's their goal, burden your household with someone immobile, and change your tactics?"

"That makes a lot of sense," Maya agreed quickly. "Right now, even the hint of a threat is enough to cause you pain. That might just be what they want to do. Trust us, Shinji. NERV is cooperating with Admiral Drake to improve our MAGI security, and I can use this to push for Doctor Akagi to join their efforts. We'll even ask Misato to double the guards around here, just to be safe."

The big corpsman gestured to Maya, nodding urgently, "You don't have to do everything alone. Remember what happened after you saved the people from Nevada? Don't burn yourself out when you have us to do some of the lifting."

Clenching and releasing his fists, Shinji tried to focus on their advice. He knew they were right, just as he knew that there was little he could do personally with school in the morning. He was needed in so many places, the enemy trying to divide him that much thinner only made sense. _I promised Hikari I'd start delegating. I know I need to._ "Please…." His voice was harsh, the gravelly rumble adding to it, "Don't…don't let me regret this."

+++++ Author's Notes:

JaceSterne:

RE: Asuka's mind healing.

The long-distance charges between LEO and Hakone are probably brutal too.

RE: Lily manipulating Eve.

Oh that's absolutely true. Lily played her like a fiddle.

RE: Yang.

Her place in the story is still growing. Her strength (not putting up with people hurting others) will actually serve her well in the coming weeks.

Starfire99: RE: Misato and Shinji.

They haven't spoken about anything more than was seen post-Nevada.

origamishishou:

RE: Short story.

True. I need to just do it.

RE: Wonka.

Gendo choosing who to take over NERV once he retires through various sin-based traps would make an interesting NGE AU tale.


	103. Chapter 103

+++++ 13th Angel + 7: Sunday (87)

Laying down in his own bed, his younger wife curled against him, Shinji sought peace. For once, he'd wanted to sleep. He'd wanted to check in on the other twelve sentient beings he'd gained responsibility for. Yet, once again, his body's natural desire to stay awake was blocking him while his mind's current turmoil and worry ate at him. Dinner had been a trial, explaining to Nozomi and Sakura that he wasn't angry with anyone. Doing the dishes with Nozomi while Sakura helped dry them under the supervision of Rose, he gained a new appreciation for the trials of parenting. No matter how bad his day was, he couldn't let it impact them. No matter what monsters clawed at the windows, it was his _duty_ to keep the blinds closed.

Everything had flowed from that point, as the more mature individuals in his house were nervous about his state of mind as well. Once the little ones had gone off to bed, he answered everyone else's questions regarding the why of his anger. Afterwards, they each assured him that they would do what they could to assist him in reducing the number of directions he was being pulled in. Yang and Rose worked with Kodama to begin drafting up a roster of sorts, promising to get buy-in for him from everyone so that he could see he was spending time with everyone. Lily took Tsuru under her wing and set about creating a list of the household chores that could be shared around that would include more time with him helping, so that he felt he wasn't being served.

The next surprise was when Suzuka had asked Maya to visit her room to discuss Shinji's letters, and how the Shirakami would be involving themselves. The eternal swordswoman had wanted to include Hikari as well, though she accepted the younger woman's excuse at wanting to spend time settling Shinji's nerves as equally valid. That discussion between his weapon and his advisor had, at some point, become flirtatious. When he felt his elder wife's song shift towards surprise, he'd tensed his muscles to run into the room. Lily had, appearing out of nowhere, leaned down and whispered in his ear that everything was fine. The two women's songs joining slowly clued him into the rest.

That had, of course, not bothered him in the slightest. The people around him taking what joy they could from the people around him only made sense, and after a fashion helped him not feel quite so miserable about his recent actions. It was one thing for him to agree with his wives, it was another for him to actually begin doing what they'd pushed him towards doing. Misato's constant reminder about no plan surviving contact with the enemy had never rang truer than when he'd finally had a moment to stop and think after going through with Suzuka's offer.

All of this spiraled around his head, destroying his focus and preventing him from turning his mind inward. Without anything else to try, he reached for something that only tangentially made any sense to him, _Leliel_.

The Aspect of Night landed next to him, astride his arm. Her lips curved in a small frown as she considered Hikari, though moving back to a grin as she returned her attention to him, _You called?_

 _I was hoping to come and visit everyone, but I can't get my mind to stop._ His attempts at freeing the arm she held prisoner were stymied by her equal efforts at keeping it where it was, _The night is when most humans sleep. Do you have any…I don't know, can you help?_

 _Will you let me spend some time with you?_ Leaning over him, she pouted, _I haven't seen you in forever. You promised me kisses, and I've waited so long._

 _I have,_ tilting his head to look at his phone, _six hours before I have to be up and moving. The longer it takes me to get into my own soul, the less time I have to spend with everyone._ He was well aware by now what the woman pinning his arm wanted, though he wondered at how he'd seemingly overnight begun to see the truth of everyone's flirtation with him. He did not, however, want to abuse her interest by giving in so easily. 'Cheaply bought, cheaply valued', Kiyomi's admonition resonated within him.

Leliel sighed, then brightened, _Well then…close your eyes._ Waiting impatiently for him to do so, she pressed her lips to his as soon as he followed her instructions, dropping him from the conscious world into the Realm adjacent to her own.

+++++ 13th Angel + ?: ? (?)

It was another day. The sun rising once more despite him praying that it wouldn't. The sky brightening, as he begged it not to. Alone, Shinji was forced by the inexorable laws of the universe to face the world around him. He remembered apathy fondly, the blank, empty, void that had allowed him to spend a few hundred years propped against a wall as he sat and stared at the horizon waiting for the end. The world had been easier to handle those short centuries. He might have remained there, had her tombstone not been broken by the old oak tree falling on it.

The anger that had followed, the rage that had consumed a scarce few decades, had given him something to do afterwards in aid of distracting himself for a time. Remove the debris that had been created, by ejecting it from the solar system. Carve new headstones with his nails, apologize to each of the people he'd buried for losing control of himself again. There was only so many times he could repeat the litany before it seemed worthless, though. Insincere. And now, having removed anything taller than the endless fields of markers, he was left to sit and stare at what he had wrought.

The uncaring, ever-expanding, sun rose on another day in the eternal life of Shinji Ikari. The lone survivor of a dead people.

"While I would normally approve of feeding me," Ireul alighted delicately on the ground before him, snapping her fingers and banishing the world around them, "we could perhaps find better uses for your time."

The illusion shattered, the nightmare dispelled, Shinji sucked in a breath he hadn't remembered refraining from taking. "Ireul!" Thrusting himself up from the ground, he pulled the dark-skinned Aspect into a tight embrace, "Oh thank you…I…I thought…."

"Shh, shh, shh, it wasn't real. It was a dream. A vision from a mind forced to contend with too many fears," stroking his back, she shook her head. "Leliel can help you sleep, but she can't control where you go. We still have many, many years to work before we can stop these nightmares from plaguing your slumber, my love." Pressing herself away from him, she shared a heartfelt smile, "You need not worry about being alone. That was merely your human side fretting, you know that we too are immortal. Even if your beloved Spear should fall, we will stand with you for all time."

"It was so real," he breathed out. "I was alone. Everyone was gone, the…the graves," he gestured to specific points on the 'ground' around them, "I had dug them out myself. This…Tabris, he'd killed everyone but left me to suffer."

"It is only as real as you make it," walking backwards, she pulled him away from the location in an effort to reset his thinking. "Your nightmares are vivid, I agree. You have an artist's mind. But you need not fear them once you are awake. Your wife lies next to you, safe and secure. The other women of your household are in their beds, protected by your allies. The little ones dream of gentle things, the elder of the good days yet to come. You will one day share their rest, but for now…let us see about visiting our fellows."

+++++ 13th Angel + 7: Sunday (87)

"I have given a great deal of thought to your statement, my friend," Adam seemed lost in his teacup as he hosted Shinji and Ireul. "The answers are not…pleasant." His hands were steady as he took a short drink and looked across the table to the man who'd forced him to realize how powerless he truly was, "You are changing my children. Or," he held up his hand as Ireul bristled, "to be more precise, your presence is changing my children."

"We are who We always were, _father_ ," Ireul growled. "We have simply the freedom now to exercise those parts of Our personality that you found 'inconvenient'. Without a yoke upon Our shoulders, We might see an end to the persistent conflict that has ravaged Creation since the end of our forebears' time."

"Calm," Shinji gripped her knee firmly. "We came here in peace; he hasn't attempted anything as…poorly thought out as he did a few days ago. If he is honestly reassessing how he looks at all of you, isn't that a good thing?" When he saw her lift her eyebrow at him, he laughed, "Yes, I realize the irony. I tend to cause it wherever I go. Please, for me, let's try and work towards peace _inside of my soul_." Stressing the last point, and reminding everyone that they lived inside of him, he looked back across the table, "What do you intend to do with this information?"

"For now?" The younger version of him shrugged, "Nothing."

"You see?" Ireul snapped, "He's just biding his time."

"Iri," Shinji sighed, closing his eyes and seeking a calm center. "Sometimes doing nothing is the right choice. Sometimes, by doing nothing you do less harm than doing anything at all. Adam may well be simply trying to determine the course that leads to the least amount of damage to us all. I'm angry with him, he knows I am, but so long as he agrees to not act like a raging asshole I don't mind if he makes the choice to do 'nothing'."

Adam gestured with his teacup, saluting the man who understood his mind, "Thank you. I have done much harm by thinking I knew all of the answers. In my desperation, I tried to once more control everything only to lose your hard-won trust. I will do nothing, not to wait for the right time to strike against you…but to wait and see how I may best help you bring peace."

+++++ 13th Angel + 7: Sunday (87)

Sachiel's domain was as it ever would be. An orderly mix of liquids, a study in perfecting the flow of one into another. The colossal former Third Angel was pleased that Shinji would take some of his time to learn, and so he instructed without words as his host stood by Ireul patiently. Each environment produced a different motion, requiring a different force, and yet the most abundant resource on Earth was proven capable at acting even in the most extreme circumstances.

Observing liquid water move in the coldest reaches of reality was one of the most beautiful experiences he could remember, and when Shinji gripped his first 'enemy' on the shoulder, it carried through his tone, "That is amazing, Sachiel. Truly…impossibly, amazing. I never would have thought it possible, with my understanding of physics. There is far more here, far more to your being, than I ever would have imagined. Thank you for sharing this."

The stoic Aspect simply nodded in gratitude, appreciating that the man who carried him had limited time. Even with the dilation effect providing greater opportunities within his soul, Shinji needed to budget it out so that he gave more to those who needed it. Sachiel himself knew his value, his worth. He survived, he thrived, with what he was given on a daily basis. When it came time to act, he knew his immense power would tip the scales of victory towards his new family. Until then…he waited.

+++++ 13th Angel + 7: Sunday (87)

 _I/We. Rejoice,_ Shamshel embraced Shinji eagerly. _You. Bring/Spread. Joy/Happiness._

"Through you," Shinji corrected politely. "Without your help, my life would not be as full as it is. Both of you," he referenced the odd duality of the being before him, "understand what I want to share with the world. What I hope the world shares with itself. How many times now have you helped me calm people down? You could put me before a camera broadcasting to the entire nation, and I wouldn't manage what you have with a single song."

 _I/We. Work/Struggle. As one/United._ Loosening their tendrils, the Aspect of Day turned to Ireul, _I/We. Thank you._

"He is not only Ours," the Aspect of Terror inclined her head, recognizing the gratitude. "We share His Grace with all, as you share His _grace_ with all."

"I…don't consider myself that graceful," altering the statement to avoid the prohibition on lying, Shinji shrugged as he looked around Shamshel's domain. "This…this is grace." The golden glow that suffused everything, shapes fading into being to draw the eye away from the negative, it called for him to embrace the future. To let go of his past. To take his own advice. "I am fortunate to have you here, my friend."

+++++ 13th Angel + 7: Sunday (87)

 _The percussive boom is…exhilarating._ With so much thunder present, the lightning dancing across the skies to twist and turn like a dragon through the nebulae, Shinji had to rely on the more mental mode of communication. _I never really got to feel it when the fireworks would go off, there was always a wall, or a car, between me and the pretty flashes. It's like standing next to controlled danger._

 _You have summoned me often, of late,_ Ramiel stated without judgement. _I grow stronger with each use, though I begin to worry at the frequency of need._

 _His Grace is beset by enemies, dear brother._ Ireul enjoyed her position on Shinji's lap far more than the electrostatic art, though she accepted one as the cost of the other, _Before the end, He will need your power to save everyone. Can He trust that you will help Him limit His wrath to the deserving? Have you the precision needed?_

A cluster of seven forked tongues struck the ground around them, never once straying closer to the small gathering as they danced and pulsed with destructive force. Reversing their flow, they raced back up to the skies one by one until a lone lance remained, _I will practice so that there needs be no doubt._ Dismissing the final fork, Ramiel floated away to be about his new task.

 _I don't want to hurt anyone._ Shinji pulled Ireul closer to his chest, _But I won't let them take you. Any of you._

+++++ 13th Angel + 7: Sunday (87)

"And this one," Gaghiel summoned a gigantic whale-like being, "is the apex predator on her planet. Lots and lots of water. Nothing really challenges her, but there are only thirteen on the whole of their world." He looked over, a hint of sadness, "There was fourteen, but he died of old age. If you calculated his age by your years…uhm," the childlike Aspect frowned and wiggled his fins, "he was seventeen thousand and a bit. Eight hundred…and six?"

"To live so long at such a size," Shinji watched as the seven-finned being floated in place, wondering what he himself might see over that long a period of time. Changing the topic back to the lessons, he shook away the memory of his nightmare, "I'm glad we don't have such creatures on Earth, it would eat all of the remaining fish."

"Oh they wouldn't like it here," the former Sixth Angel laughed. "Too much gravity, too little water. Much better where they are, with the purple skies above and the cold waters."

"Everything has its place," Ireul agreed. "A purpose."

"Like the Great One!" Gaghiel bobbed eagerly, "His purpose is to make it so we can all live without being not polite. The deep seas of this one's world have reached a balance. Then again, they're not very smart." He giggled, "They'd never build a ship to go visiting other planets, can you imagine?"

"It takes intelligence to be cruel," Shinji mused. "There's a point where any animal becomes smart enough to murder…which is the dumbest thing we can do with our gifts." Shaking his head, he pointed to some of the smaller fish, "Gaghiel, show me some more of that kind. Watching the organs work through their transparent skin is fascinating."

+++++ 13th Angel + 7: Sunday (87)

Ireul had asked to remain behind as Shinji moved towards the domain both halves of Israfel enjoyed. She claimed that she wished to ask her brother some questions, though Shinji believed that she simply didn't wish to be present for what had followed. Dancing with Nicolette was simple, as she was one person and lighter than air in his grasp. It was simply a different form of dance than the one he'd enjoyed with Kodama, or what he'd done with Rise. The dancing at his wedding was all similar, swaying, uncomplicated motions that allowed him to speak with his partner.

Dancing with the twin Aspects was a full-body experience. If he was not possessed of innate talent, owing to their presence in his soul, he knew there would be no way for him to keep up with them both. The coordination, the timing, the reflex-straining rhythm all combined to distract him completely. As long as he danced, as long as his mind was tuned to the heart-lifting music, as long as his eyes remained on the forms of his partners, there was nothing else in the world. No one, not even Hikari, had managed to subsume his anxiety to such a degree.

No words were spoken, none were necessary. He knew, deeper than any truth ever spoken, that the golden and silver beings loved him madly. It was not a love predicated on lust, or reproductive impulses, or passing fancies. It was not a love that would age, or mature, or fade. Theirs was a love that transcended perfect, that would remain with him for all time, that was _fractal_ in its depth. Each point of their love was as full and perfect as could be imagined, from any frame of reference.

And so, as the song faded to a close, as he held them in his arms while they breathed heavily with exertions that no mortal would ever be able to emulate…he knew. Falling to his knees, and clutching them to his head, he _knew_. There was a forgiveness present in everything. He had offered it to them, to everyone, and yet he'd never once thought of doing the simple task of offering it to himself. Weeping for his own sake, he was sheltered in their embrace. It was now their turn to offer protection to him. Their turn to show him that _taking_ did not mean _stealing_. Their love was a gift, not a prize, and now that he embraced that truth…it was one to be treasured beyond all value.

+++++ 13th Angel + 7: Sunday (87)

"Returning life to your world is a challenge I have enjoyed," Sandalphon stated with mild amusement. "As I am now of you, though I remain of Adam, I have been able to access the life produced by the Fruit of Knowledge. It is exhilarating to touch and change mortal beings without harming them, to see the processes by which they grow, change, and die. Each of your former kind carries within them the capacity to flourish, and yet such simple decisions cause you to fail to thrive."

"I'm glad you don't regret joining with me," Shinji watched with rapt attention as the flower before them changed from a bulb into a blossom. "If you are able to do this on a broader scale…I might be able to prevent starvation. People might not like eating the same things over and over, but it beats not eating anything at all."

"If they complain about the sustenance," Ireul's eye glowed darkly, "they don't deserve the food."

"This is easily remedied, without the need for violence, sister dear," the piscine Aspect waved away the discussion. "One would assume, after having observed the dinners the Great One serves, that a diversity of _taste_ prevents boredom and contempt. A simple alteration to the genetic structure at the base of the plant," the flower suddenly shifted from a pale yellow to a vibrant blue, "and what was a 'sweet' is now a 'savory'. Should you so desire, I could grow entire fields with your rice that tastes of any and everything you choose. It's all in the little touches."

Nodding, Shinji looked askance at their current 'host' as he considered his future progeny and their potential growth into full human beings, "You won't change my children too much…right? Removing disorders is fine, but I don't want them to feel like they're…."

"You would prefer they not think as you do," Sandalphon filled in the blank. "Do not worry, Great One. They will favor their mother. Your touches will be subtle, so their choices may remain their own as they grow. I agree with your feelings on the righteousness of choice, though I disagree with your feelings on your own being. You are as you should be, as you _must_ be. Life will now proceed along a much brighter path for your existence, guided by a gentle touch instead of an iron fist."

+++++ 13th Angel + 7: Sunday (87)

"A dry rain," Shinji held his hand out, wondering at the feeling of being struck by something that evaporated completely and immediately on contact. "That's amazing, Matarael. And you say that it cleanses the air as it passes?"

"It bonds with those unwanted elements," the insect-like Aspect gestured slightly, "and when it evaporates it changes their composition to something more fitting. Certain molecular components are harmful to your form of life when breathed in, with a small change those components can be fed into the soil in such a way as to help the plant life my brother encourages. Mixing this in with the normal rains disguises it, cleansing Sahaquiel's domain, feeding what Sandalphon aims to do, and preventing further damage to Sachiel's domain."

"Our brother has always worked best when aiding others," Ireul added. "He excels at helping others excel, and even We enjoy the sensation his rains provide from time to time."

"I have to admit," Shinji grinned with a childlike glee, "I'm looking forward to when it is cold enough to snow. I'd love to see Nozomi-chan and Sakura-chan's faces when it does." Looking off to the distance, his grin faded towards seriousness, "There is so much I want to show them…."

"There is nothing preventing it but a little hard work, Your Grace," Ireul understood the unspoken thought. The man she loved wanted to give the children he adored a youth that was taken from him. He wanted to give them back the youth that life threatened to steal from them. "We will all bend our wills towards Your ends."

+++++ 13th Angel + 8: Monday (88)

"Do pink next," Shinji was enjoying the game they were playing, nearly as much as he was enjoying the vibrant smile on the childlike Aspect's face. When the hole in the clouds shifted to a cotton candy, he applauded, "Perfect. Now, what if we shift the clouds towards a pale blue." He hemmed as the color began shifting as he'd asked, "Not too dark, just…there!"

"A truly charming display, sister dear," Ireul had 'dressed down' for their time in Sahaquiel's domain. Promising Shinji that she would help him treat her as the child he saw her as, she'd taken on the role of 'mother' and not 'ruler'. "I would like to see a touch more yellow, though. Maybe another layer of thin clouds beneath the blue?"

"Like…uhm," concentrating, the titanic Aspect of the Sky willed a misty haze into being, a lattice of pale yellow clouds coloring the sky without obscuring the blue and pink, "that?"

"Wonderful," Ireul praised her sister with a wide smile. "Yellow has always been a favorite color of mine."

"It looks great against the pink," Shinji approved, rubbing his 'daughter's' shoulder happily. "Oh, I wish I could take a picture. My daughter has made a fantastic work of art, and I can't share it with my household." Holding his hands out so that they formed 'L's, he framed a section out in his mind, "I'd put it in a frame, hang it where everyone could see it, and any time I had company I'd show off how talented she is."

"I'd like that," Sahaquiel looked up at him from her position with her head in his lap. "Do…uhm…do you…."

"He really does," Ireul combed her sister's hair from her single great eye. "You are as his daughter, sister dear. He is not merely saying that. One day you will be able to manifest before the rest of his family, in his Realm, and I assure you he will introduce you as such."

Running the backs of his fingers across her cheek, Shinji nodded, "I rely on you to protect me, Sahaquiel-chan. I rely on you to protect _them_. You have given me so much, by keeping everyone safe, that you can't be anything _but_ family to me. Sitting under a cheery sky, painting everything fun colors…. This is my idea of what a family should do. Thank you for sharing it with me."

"So I…uhm…I can call you…." She blushed, her voice a whisper down a long empty hall, "I can call you daddy?"

"I would be honored." Hooking Ireul into the embrace, he hugged his family close, "I would be truly honored."

+++++ 13th Angel + 8: Monday (88)

"I am saving my time for last," Ireul assured him. "We have, in your mortal realm, several hours before you must wake. More than enough time for you to pay your debts to Leliel, and get to know Bardiel. I shall have my fill of you before you leave, fear not." Pressing a kiss to his lips, she warmed inside when he returned it enthusiastically. _I knew not what I did, my love. I will ever be thankful that you forgave me my ignorant wrath._ Breaking the embrace, she pushed him back, "But you must go. Or I might not let you leave." Fixing her dress, she drew her bearing around her like a cloak, "I shall come claim you when it is time."

Suddenly standing alone in the vast dark void of the Realm of Night, Shinji closed his eyes and let it wash over him. There was a peace here that differed from any other. Israfel, or Sahaquiel, occupied his mind. They gave him art to observe, to engage with, to enjoy. The void swallowed everything. There was nothing in Leliel's Realm but what he brought in, there was less present here than anywhere in the entirety of his world. It was calm, it was quiet.

The subtle shift of the atmosphere preceded a thin voice, "I'm sorry."

Opening his eyes, and beholding a display of honest contrition from the former Twelfth Angel, Shinji shook his head, "No need. You brought me where I needed to be." Offering his hands, he smiled his warmest smile, "You've messed up your hair again."

"I…hadn't brushed it yet today," she worked around the truth, blushing slightly.

"Well then," stepping forward, he pulled her hands delicately behind her back to tilt her frame so that he could bend down and press his lips to hers. The kiss began cautiously, allowing her to adapt to the act, before deepening as he felt her pulse begin to race. Using what he'd learned from the women in his life, he gave to the woman before him what she'd asked for the day they'd met. When he stood upright, whispering, "One," he could see the poorly restrained frustration on her face. "Shall we go comb out your hair? You can tell me about the Dirac Sea."

"…Or I could skip straight to 'Two'?" Her tone was hopeful, "That would be nice too."

"Haste brings waste," he quoted, squeezing her hands. "I want to be certain you receive everything you have earned, Leliel." Willing into existence some furniture and a mirror, he guided her over to begin their ritual. It wasn't that he hadn't enjoyed the kiss, but he could sense from her the desperate hunger for more. He wanted to know more _about_ the woman, before he knew more _of_ the woman. It was simply how he was built.

+++++ 13th Angel + 8: Monday (88)

"I had thought you would be more giving," Ireul stated quietly as she watched Leliel mope on the bed Shinji had crafted for her. "You did not seem to mind her company terribly. Is something wrong?" She had returned after giving him the same amount of time as they had with each other Aspect, only to find him braiding her hair instead of her sheets.

"You should know by now I don't kiss and tell," Shinji chided quietly. "I enjoyed what we did, as did she. That she didn't get everything she wanted is something she must learn to accept, or I'd never be able to do anything but what she desired."

"There is wisdom in your course," the regal Aspect agreed. She glanced sidelong at him, a thread of nervousness wrapping her tone, "Though I would be remiss if I didn't hope against that being my fate later."

"You'll have to wait and see, I guess," turning towards Bardiel's domain, he offered his elbow to the one-eyed Aspect. "Shall we?"

"You play a dangerous game, my love," Ireul accepted his offer and set them in motion. "Flirting with a being who can cast Terror throughout the entirety of Creation."

"Was I flirting?" He frowned playfully down to her, "I hadn't noticed."

Content to leave things as they were for the moment, his guide enjoyed the journey towards their penultimate destination. His love for her was clear, though his heart had become muddled as life reasserted itself in his mind, and she had confidence that whatever she asked of him after his time with her eldest sister he would give her. As the tendrils of fog began to grow, she decided it would be best to return to her own Domain and prepare her battlefield, "I will again return. I know not how she regards you, but I would not encroach on her opportunity to find out."

Taking her hand before she could flee, Shinji once more bent down and pressed a kiss to her lips, "Thank you."

Not trusting her voice, nor her words, she put her heart in her eye as she backed away. Her time was coming. It had to.

+++++ 13th Angel + 8: Monday (88)

"It touches everything," Bardiel sat atop his leg, drawing intricate patterns for him with her hair. "Fog, haze, it's all obfuscation. It creates illusions in the desert, or blinds the eyes in the snow, but it touches _all_." Sliding thin vines along his chest beneath his shirt, she smiled playfully up at him, "Which is how you perceive me. Faceless, cold, distant." Shifting her position, she sat astride his lap and looked at him with a hint of seriousness, "And yet you do not fear me at all, despite my appearance."

"I…try not to judge someone before I know them," sliding his hands beneath the hair she wore as clothing and settling them atop her legs, he shook his head. "We didn't get off to the best start. You were taken advantage of, and confused and scared when you arrived here. I was angry, with myself and life. When I needed your help, you answered my call. When I landed in Leliel's Domain, you comforted me and gave me energy. That isn't what someone I should fear would do."

Her hair encircled him, caressing his back, "You're so warm." Scooting forward to lay against him, she parted her hair so that their bodies would touch, "You share it so eagerly."

Matching her hug, he set his hands to moving up to and along her back, "Asking without giving in return isn't in me to do." Her flesh felt like marble, cold and smooth to his touch, without the solidity that the material implied. It was as pliant as any skin if far firmer than most, it simply lacked ambient or radiant heat, "If you'd like to sit like this for a while, that won't bother me."

Her trembling response was accompanied by a tightening of the cords of hair around his person, "Please?" Laying her face against his shoulder, she sighed in deep contentment, "You feel so alive. You're…real. Discrete. There isn't any mystery about you."

"I don't know that you'd find many people agreeing with you on that last part," he chuckled. "More than one woman in my life has said that they can't understand me at all."

"Then they aren't listening," Bardiel whispered affectionately. "Your heart sings with everything they should need to know." Another sigh preceded her hair wrapping tighter still, "I could hold you forever."

+++++ 13th Angel + 8: Monday (88)

"I look forward to spending more time with you…Shinji," Bardiel's mask shifted to project hope. "Thank you for…." She looked to Ireul, then back to him, "For being the _man_ you are." Fading into the fog before he could reply, she let the statement stand for whatever it would.

Maintaining her dignity, the Aspect of Terror did not push or pull on him. Each second they stood still was one more second he wasn't bringing her bliss, but it was a small price to pay with how much trust it gained her. Instead of focusing on what he might be costing her, she read his face as he reacted to the Aspect of Haze's departure. She could see he was contemplative, that something had been either given to him or shared with him that he couldn't quite place. His clothing remained unspoiled, and so she knew that nothing had happened with dramatic haste, but his hair….

"She tied your hair with her own," Ireul shook her head with a bemused smirk.

Reaching up and feeling his ponytail, Shinji blinked as he felt that the hairband he'd imagined himself wearing was now gone, most likely in the possession of Bardiel, replaced with what he could tell was a thick, braided, cord of Bardiel's own hair, "She…did." He smiled with a shrug, his entire reason for spending time with each of the Aspects being to improve his standing in their eyes, "Her hair is very nice, she takes good care of it. I hope it wasn't painful for her to do." Turning towards his current companion's Domain, he offered his elbow.

"It wouldn't be," once more accepting his kindness, she laid her hand delicately atop his arm and set them into motion. "Pain is difficult to cause to ourselves, in the physical sense that you mean. We feel pain, obviously, when something hurts us emotionally or spiritually. But joining her hair to yours is…when you wake up, you might find that you have been marked in a way there. She's offered herself to you in a very intimate manner, what you do with it may very well hurt her. But being who you are, as she said, I know that you wouldn't do something so base."

"You can do that?" He scooped her into a bridal carry and moved them faster towards their destination, "Mark me?"

"We can," her heart swelled at the way he held her as if she belonged where she was. "Bardiel has never been one to be overly restrained, and is even more inclined to touch than your Kodama. I would claim it as a mark of her regard for you that she didn't push for deeper intimacies."

"She seemed content to be held," he hesitated to explain further, his disinclination to speak of what he'd done with any woman to any other woman stalling him. "So," he bumped the conversation back away from waters he wished to avoid, "how would _you_ mark me, Iri?"

"Would you wish me to?" Reaching up and running a finger along the edge of his ear, she let a sultry note infect her voice, "Would you like to have everyone who sees you know that we belong to each other?"

"I'd consider it, so long as it wasn't…." As they arrived at their destination, he saw the bed and arranged candles and then noted her sudden shy reserve, "…Ostentatious." Landing gently, he kept her in his arms as he approached the bed, "I admit, I hadn't anticipated this."

"We do not have to if you do not wish to," she was not dense in any way, and could sense his hesitation.

"What will this mean," turning, he sat upon the bed and set her on his lap. "To you, for us?" He couldn't deny his attraction to the woman before him, the odd reflection on the young woman he'd lost wasn't necessarily a point in her favor, however. "It's not that I'm disinterested, but…you know how I think about such things."

"I…am quite serious about taking my place at your side," she gazed up at him, her lone eye showing the extent of her vulnerability. She was accustomed to being the more powerful being in any interaction, and was now having to beg for his favor. "I do not fear never knowing your touch, but I do fear holding back needlessly. Lilith may require your touch to draw power, I…desire your touch. To know love. To know affection. Should we join as one now, or years from now, so long as you…."

"What would you think about a comp…romise…." He blushed, looking down, "Sorry."

"I imagine that this might have been a poorly thought out decision to grant such a common word a hidden meaning," Ireul's smile turned vulpine. "Though, it was far more meaningful to her than you might think."

His blush deepened, "Indeed." Coughing, he ran a hand along her leg, "Why don't we go as far as I did with Lily. If I…feel comfortable, we'll go further. If I start to worry, or panic…we can spend a night sleeping together soon. To make up for me ruining the evening."

Caressing his face, she lowered her voice, "You do understand that I love you…yes?"

"I can't not know," he returned the gesture. "We're in my soul, you can't lie here."

"You have freed me from a prison I did not know I resided within," moving so that she had a knee on each side of his legs she pushed him until he toppled over, "you only once demanded my surrender, and only after I acted in a most unbecoming manner." Willing away both his and her clothing, she sought out his hands to place on her form, "Your threat was…terrifying. You knew, instinctively, how to command my attention. I shuddered, compelled and humbled, and I knew…I knew that I _must_ be by your side for all time."

Shinji's conscience panged hard, as he remembered what he'd said, "That wasn't my finest moment."

"I disagree. I feel it was precisely what was needed, and should something similar occur you must channel that same will towards ending the problem before it blossoms out of control. You are a _ruler_ , my love. You must not show weakness to those who would challenge you, or all you will do is foment discontent and constant attempts at your life." Laying down against him, she rested her forehead upon his, "They must know that you will not tolerate hatred or willful maliciousness."

"I'm not even in charge of my own clothing," he disagreed quietly. "I understand that people look to me for help, I've…I've grown accustomed to pointing out the obvious to people. But I'd rather build a rapport with people than demand obedience. If I'm a ruler, I rule because people want to follow me. I'm not a dictator."

Closing her eye, she sighed, "I pray that you do not come to regret that decision."

+++++ 13th Angel + 8: Monday (88)

Shinji's physical form awoke slowly, his time with Ireul far more romantic than sexual. Waking on his side, with Hikari's back against him as she curled into his body, he clutched her closer, "I don't deserve you."

His whispered statement induced something of a sigh from his wife, "Why?" Having slept poorly as visions assailed her all evening, she'd tried to remain still so that he could visit the Aspects in his soul. They were a part of him, and she felt he was right in that he needed to have a good relationship with them to be capable of what he was. "Shinji, I don't care that you've slept with Suzuka or Kodama. I'm pissed that Suzuka didn't talk to me first, yes. She called _Maya_ , a woman she's only recently met. Not _me_ , the woman who's known her for nearly two decades." Rolling over, she looked up at him with eyes full of hurt, "What pains me is that despite marrying me, my husband still feels as if I don't trust him."

"Hikari… _I_ don't trust me." The defense only made sense from his perspective, if he didn't trust himself how could anyone else even begin to, "Everything I'm doing is exactly what any competent person would declare 'cheating', and-"

"I spent part of yesterday making out with Tsuru," she retorted. "Shinji, the household is one big open relationship. People who aren't in this household are going to be confused about what goes on in this household. That's just how it is. I don't feel you're cheating, Maya doesn't feel you're cheating. You and I spent all night in here while Maya and Suzuka were doing who knows what! Is that cheating?"

"They…." He couldn't rightly not say what he knew, not and claim that he trusted her, "They likely were…very intimate. Their songs unified, and stayed that way for an hour or so before Maya went to sleep."

"Good!" Hikari tapped his chest, "Shinji, you _need_ Suzuka. Even if she wasn't a part of you through the bond, her presence makes the difference between you living and you dying. There is no future that I've seen where she's not in love with you and things go well. Not ever since her husband couldn't keep it in his pants."

The poor word choice became obvious to his wife as he closed his eyes and sighed, "Is irony all I have left?"

"Ok. I'm going to say that I could have phrased that better. I'm going to ask that you not dwell on what I said, because I did not mean it the way that you're taking it." Cupping his face, she kissed him gently at first, then with increasing passion as he responded. She knew that Suzuka and Suzuki's relationship was the kind that he'd always wanted. One man, one woman, kids. Fence. Pet, if possible. Nothing even remotely close to what she was forcing on him. Putting the debate on hold to remind him that despite everything, she loved him more and more each day, climbed higher on the priority tree.

Having spent what amounted to days with three of the Aspects all pushing for deeper physical intimacy, Shinji found himself responding eagerly to the offer of an outlet. He'd never known how addictive the sensations he was feeling could be, and each time he filled someone's need for affection he wound up wanting more and more of it himself. His control was lowered, as was his guard, and so when his hand wandered down to the thin cotton boundary his wife was wearing, he had a moment where past panic struck current realities and the recoil caused him to twitch the appendage violently away.

"What?" Hikari laughed breathlessly, "My love…if you'd like a little touch before school, I'm sure Suzuka can wait on training for another twenty minutes." Guiding his hand back to where it had been, she smiled seductively, "I know I'd absolutely adore it."

"S-sorry," his stammer made a brief appearance as his mind rebounded. "I…you'd think that after this long, I'd have settled it in my mind that you don't mind me touching you." Rolling her onto her back, he sheltered her under his mass as he knew she loved, "I apologize. And…." He quickly decided to do something impulsive that wasn't destructive, "In exchange for accidentally hurting you…I'll do any one thing you want."

"You shouldn't promise things you won't do," she sang teasingly. "I take 'any one thing' to mean what it says."

"I'm serious," he put himself in her hands, forcing himself to trust that her sight was better than his for the future. "Name it. All I ask is that you not ask me to hurt anyone."

Encouraging him to lay atop her fully, she whispered into his ear, "Bond me." She anticipated the muscle tensing that followed, and latched on to let him know she wanted him to remain where he was, "As we make love…bond me forever. I want this so that you will _never_ doubt again how I feel about you. I've made my peace with Koko and you. I will learn to control my mind, and if necessary I'll find someone to distract it for me while you're giving her the affection she _deserves_. You know as I do, my love, that this household is going to operate on love for several years to come. So bond me, know my mind as you know my heart."

"Is…is this for the future?" He worried greatly about the problems Maya and Suzuka faced in dealing with his emotions. He worried more about Rose's concerns regarding mixing Hikari's visions with his emotional bonds. Ultimately, he worried that Hikari would know what he was thinking better than he did. He knew he censored thoughts before they ever reached his conscious, and that his lack of mental control was a challenge for those around him that could see such things, "Does it help us?"

"No," she whispered against his ear, already moving her body to entice him in a way that only she could, "this is for _me._ " Her breathing became heavy with desire, "Please? Tear them off, take me…bond me…mark me as yours forever and ever, Shinji." Her motions accelerated, each touch guile-free, "I want to belong to you, I _need_ to belong to you."

There was little that he could do in the face of her might, each time she had asked he'd come closer and closer to tying her soul to his. The last time, when his emotions were turned off, his lust for her alone had nearly tipped the decision in her favor. Now, with both his emotions and lust demanding that he give into the one woman on the planet that he truly felt was divine, he stood no chance. There would be time to lament his destruction of her clothing later, for now…the Light demanded sacrifice.

+++++ 13th Angel + 8: Monday (88)

 _Impulsive doesn't begin to describe this,_ Maya frowned at her wife. _I know you think this was a good idea. I appreciate that out of a sense of fairness this is something that we might have considered doing so that you were not at a disadvantage to myself or Suzuka. But we have enough problems with_ Shinji _running around and putting himself in danger without adding_ you _to that list, Sweetie._

 _The world hasn't exploded,_ Hikari waved away the concern. _And it isn't like I'm going to just go wandering around anymore. I have far too much to do here at the house to go looking for trouble. Everyone was making this out like it is some terrible burden to be borne only by those willing to suffer. So I know that he thinks that Suzuka has nice breasts?_ I _think Suzuka has nice breasts. Really, the entire problem seems to be that none of you understand how alike Shinji and I are._

 _Until you lose control over your visions again,_ the elder of his two wives attempted to refocus on the problem. _Hikari, if you lose control during a fight, or if he suddenly gains access to them during a fight, lives could be lost. Including his!_

 _I haven't lost control since the track. I only lost control there because I allowed myself to become exceptionally pissed off at our visitors. They were acting like fools, and their bickering only pushed us all towards paths that led to everyone dying._ Enjoying playing housewife, she continued to make everyone's breakfast, _Does he normally not hear us when we're talking like this? He always makes it seem like he hears you two._

 _He can't hear us when we speak to each other, so long as we're speaking in a different room. We can hear him, he can't hear us._ Sighing into her coffee, Maya accepted that none of her arguments were going to change the reality of the situation, _Please…just be careful, ok? I love you two far too much to be happy with this risk. I'm also not very pleased that I wasn't consulted when my wife and husband decided to do something life-altering. This hurt me._

 _And tonight,_ sliding a piece of toast that she'd cut into a heart before her wife, Hikari set about mending fences, _I intend to apologize with a little hair pulling. Maybe not as much as you'd like,_ she cautioned, _I'm still…getting used to that. But, because I did something you don't like, I'll go out of my comfort zone to do something you_ do _like._

 _…Bribing me with sex is not something you should be doing, Sweetie._ Maya blushed, Hikari's thoughts and the cute display of her toast tickling her fancy nicely.

 _Who's bribing?_ Slipping behind her, the freckle-faced beauty squeezed her wife's form harshly, earning a pleased gasp, _I'm_ promising. _When you get home tonight, you're mine. Shinji can go find someone else for a night. You, Maya-bear, went and played with someone I've been interested in for years. Without me._ Playing dominant was still new to her, but for the woman she loved she could learn, _I think it's time I reminded you who you belong to._

+++++ 13th Angel + 8: Monday (88)

"I appreciate that, Colonel," Shinji stood, leaning against his spear, as his Spear radiated death. "I would, however, caution you against such behavior in the future. Captain Honda understands the lay of the land, as well as the requirements I have. She will be involved in the security during my school day, I do not anticipate changing that for the meeting with the UN staff. She does not lose my confidence simply because the average age of those around me increases."

Unaccustomed to being spoken to by a young man in such a way, the hard-nosed officer who had replaced the Lieutenant Colonel as the UN forces had grown beyond a Battalion to near a Brigade bristled at Shinji's demeanor, "I have a responsibility-"

"For as long as I allow you to have it," he stated without rancor. "You made changes to security without notifying me. You also have not notified NERV, according to Nicolette," he gestured to the agent. "The only reason I know anything about what you have done is because the UNIGC, who is outside of your chain of command, noted the gap in my defenses and hurried over to determine what had happened. Rest assured, I will be contacting your superiors. Now, unless you are able to convince me with facts that Alpha Company, who has served with distinction in trying circumstances, is incapable of securing a _High School_ , I'll ask that you return to your command post and begin contacting the disparate elements involved in my day-to-day security. You are dismissed, sir. Captain Honda, please stand fast." As the man glowered, moving to turn away, Shinji held up his hand, "As an aside, any adverse action against Captain Honda for what you have done will be considered your resignation from not only this post but your Commission. I assure you; I _will_ know."

Watching as the man she itched to behead walked off with as much dignity as he could muster through the anger he was exuding, Suzuka kept her communication mental, _The Shirakami will be investigating him, dear heart. This may simply have been bull-headed arrogance, but he has done nothing to earn our trust._

"Agreed," Shinji responded aloud. Softening his tone as he looked down to the blonde dancer, he smiled, "Thank you, Nicki. You've continued to prove exactly why you're the team I trust with Nozomi-chan and Sakura-chan. Will you be able to stay for breakfast?"

"I would love to," she shared her stage-perfect smile, owing to the company they were in. "Would you mind terribly if I went in and had a chat with Hikari, though? I'd love to watch you work, but I need to discuss some business with her before class today."

"Please," he gestured towards the house. "Maya and her should be in the kitchen…uhm," he listened to his wives' songs, then leaned down to lower his voice so only she would hear, "maybe announce loud that you're entering."

Pressing a kiss to his cheek, she winked, "Got it. I'll see you at breakfast."

Standing straight and turning back to the Captain of his guard, Shinji was able to stifle his blush thanks to his anger still dominating his emotions. Noting that there was no one within ear shot, he looked around intentionally to draw that fact out into the open, "What is your opinion, Kiyomi-san? Arrogance, foolishness, or something more worrying?"

"He's one of the people that barked the loudest about you engaging in a military action without an escort," she murmured. "He's drawn fewer assets into the area than I had requested. There are a number of mundane explanations to exhaust before I look towards conspiracies, sir." Blanching slightly as he raised an eyebrow, she corrected herself, "Shinji-san."

"Thank you," he favored her with a soft smile that wouldn't be noticed from a great distance. "Do not overextend yourself, please. I'll have others investigate that won't be forced to choose between loyalties."

"I'm loyal to Japan, Shinji," she looked at him with firm sincerity. "If there are people in my chain that aren't, then it is my duty to bring that to light."

"When the time is right, Captain," Suzuka approved of the woman's declaration. "Allow us to bring you evidence, should such exist. If you note anything on your own, do not risk your head. You have our trust, that is not something easily replicated in another that would attempt to replace you."

"The Company Commander for Bravo is…enthusiastic," Shinji tried to be diplomatic.

"She's young," Kiyomi agreed, taking his meaning easily. "But she listens to advice, and understands that you're uncomfortable. She'd like it if you would review her troops, though. She heard what happened with Alpha, and is feeling competitive."

"It would give you an opportunity to continue displaying your growth, dear heart," his living weapon encouraged him. "You will need their loyalty if we are to expect them to exercise sufficient caution to keep everyone alive."

"…Including themselves," he sighed. "They are also my people, Suzi. I understand their occupation carries risks, but I do _not_ fight so that others may die needlessly."

"And that is why my kids have high morale," Kiyomi punched him gently in the shoulder. "Because they see that, and that gives them confidence in who they're protecting. Can I set it up for this evening, after the meeting with the UN Secretary?"

Digging the butt of his training spear into the ground, Shinji nodded. "Yeah. I wanted to go up and visit Noelle, but…."

"I will go," Suzuka offered. "I will touch base with Kelly-chan, and make it known that you are thinking of her and our wayward pilot." _Delegation, dear heart. It is important to practice such arts._

"That, uh…that sounds like a good idea." Grimacing, he looked back to Kiyomi, "I'm learning."

"And you're listening to others when they have something to say," the woman nodded in approval. "You're doing well, Shinji. I'll pass on breakfast this morning; I need to get my people back in line since the plan has reverted to what it should have been all along. Please, pass on my regards to your wives."

+++++ 13th Angel + 8: Monday (88)

Arriving before any of the students, other than those who travelled with him, Shinji approached the principal with a solemn mien. "How many students are we anticipating today, sir?" He wouldn't be shocked if more parents had pulled their students out than had in his own timeline, now that people had actively attempted to drop massive bombs on the city simply for housing the Evas.

"Only a few dozen have withdrawn to other schools, Your Grace," the Principal responded with a pleased smile. "Two from your class, each after their parents were offered better employment opportunities elsewhere. I am heartened to see that you have not chosen to withdraw yourself, I understand that it was a consideration."

"There is no truly safe place for anyone involved with me until we find this madman and bring him to justice, whatever form that takes," the tallest student ever to grace the halls of the school sighed. "This way, I can at least guarantee the safety of everyone during school hours. I apologize that I wasn't able to warn you about the UN staff visiting this afternoon."

"That's no concern," the old man smiled, watching as Hikari, Tsuru, and Yang warmly welcomed a small clutch of first year students. "I welcome the opportunity to impress upon them the need to allow you to develop as a whole person, and not only as a warrior."

Hikari's voice entered his thoughts, _My love, would you ask Principal-san to investigate Class One-B please? A student just mentioned that there was some…spirited discussion regarding their homeroom teacher and his political leanings during the last week. Your public comments about not blaming the people of a nation for the ruler's poor choices have caused him to voice his own opinion as rigid fact. I'd like to be certain that no one is having their grades impacted by the teacher's beliefs._

 _Sure,_ Shinji sent back, relaying the message to the elderly educator.

"He has? Hmm," nodding, the senior administrator's smile changed. "I'll impress upon the faculty that we are a multi-national learning institution. It is no crime to be proud of our nation, though we must guard against sweeping statements. Our students bear no responsibility for the actions of my generation, I would not see them believe their peers in other countries any more responsible for theirs." Bowing politely, he signaled his departure, "Thank you for bringing this to my attention, Your Grace. Should you hear anything else, do not hesitate to inform me directly."

Bowing in return, eager to make certain everyone saw him returning the honor of the man in charge of everyone present, Shinji stood back straight after holding for a three count and moved to support the ladies of his household. "He'll look into it," he advised his wife. "How has everyone been appearing? Their songs seem…muddled. Anxiety, curiosity, but I haven't heard anything approaching fear."

 _It would be odd for them to be afraid with Shamshel passively radiating calm,_ Lily alighted on his shoulder. She winked at Hikari, wiggling her fingers seductively, _Hello, dear. It's nice to have your presence in his mind. I look forward to spending more time around you._

 _Oh._ Though her voice sounded surprised, her body remained poised and professional, _Is that how you typically spend your time? I guess that explains why he makes a scratching motion at his shoulder from time to time._

 _It's comfortable, and it allows me to be near his head without floating. That tends to unnerve him, and I do try to not do that anymore,_ the elder being soothed her hand along Shinji's hair. _During class, I'll be wandering around so you don't need to fret that I'll be a distraction. Though I might take lunch with you in a different guise. I would understand that many here are likely to not appreciate my similarity to the poor Child who resembled me._

"Shinji," Tsuru shifted over to stand beside him so that she could face away from the crowd without obstructing their view of him, "would…. Well…." Closing her eyes and mouthing something, she looked up at him with a determined set to her eyes, "Would it bother you if I no longer used an honorific when speaking about you to those who are asking why I'm standing so close? I…don't want to presume."

Borrowing a phrase from his more patient wife, he shrugged the shoulder not bearing an elder god, "I'm not your owner, Tsuru. We live together, we come to school together, we are learning more about each other. We have not declared what we are to one another, because we both understand that we must figure out if we are compatible. I am not ashamed of you, and I would hope you are not ashamed of me."

Hikari's voice spoke quickly into the pause, _I'm taking Maya tonight. Would you mind spending the evening with Tsuru, my love? Give her a chance to speak to you, maybe give her some hope._

"Why don't you, Yang, and I spend the evening watching another movie after we study?" He wanted to avoid a situation where his accursed lust might push things too far, too fast. He'd already given in to his wife's desires far more than he wanted to, "Maybe not a horror, though. I know you aren't too keen on them."

"Oh!" The farmgirl brightened considerably, "But I'd love to watch another horror movie. Yang-chan, do you think we could perhaps watch that one you were talking about the other night? The one on the train?"

"Huh?" Turning away from a conversation she was having with a friend about her new living situation, the leggy waitress replayed the last few seconds in her mind before nodding, "Oh, sure. I had them deliver my whole library. I wouldn't recommend watching it around Rainbow, though. Those two are a little young for those kind of scares."

"So you _do_ live with them," the young lady Yang had been talking to stated in an astonished tone. "And you too, Mitsuishi-san?"

"We've become close," Hikari replied off-handedly, gently rubbing Tsuru's back. "With how often they've been visiting, it just seemed natural to move them in so we could all come to school together. Poor Tsuru-chan was renting a room, which was very expensive for her family, and Yang-chan and Shinji have been thick as thieves in the kitchen. It's lovely having such… _close_ friends."

Watching as the young woman excused herself to go spread the no-longer-a-rumor around the school, Shinji kept a tight leash on his irritation. The ongoing war between acceptance and defiance was tipped towards the latter by virtue of the two young women's reputations being at stake, _Hikari. What if Yang decides she doesn't want to join us? What if Tsuru finds someone else? What if-_ He dropped to one knee as a series of images assailed him. The house burning down. The lower roots of a tree as he stared at his dangling feet. A dead raven. A tower spanning light centuries. Sakura gripping a knife embedded in his chest.

Lily rolled backwards off of his shoulder, placing both hands on either side of his head and whispering in a language he couldn't quite place. Tsuru and Yang each moved to steady him as he wobbled, Hikari uncharacteristically freezing in place. As the images halted, the Second Angel scowled at Hikari, _And this is why I tend to be around him after he's developed new abilities._

"Your Grace," Kiyomi had hurried over, her desire not to crowd him overridden by the need to know if he was having an episode of some sort, "are you all right?"

"Lightheaded," Shinji panted. "I'll be fine." Wobbling to his feet, he rubbed the heel of his hand against his temple, "Please ask one of my Agents to have the electrical outlets in the house checked, if you would." Now steadier of voice, if still unstable on his feet, he looked to the grand clock on the side of the school tower, "I want the roster of tardy or missing students located before the end of the first period, please. Everyone should probably head into class, now."

"My love," Hikari finally moved towards him, only to come up short as he held out his hand to stop her.

"Class." Gently disentangling himself from the two human women that had steadied him, he turned away and said nothing more as Lily landed on his shoulder once more, gently combing her fingers through his hair. His love for his wife was enormous, and he knew he'd forgive her for pushing everything she had upon him. For right now, he had another stone thrown into the bag he carried everywhere.

+++++ Author's Note:

origamishishou:

Roses are reddish,

Violets are bluish,

Neither pilot's a flower,

Nor is either Jewish.


	104. Chapter 104

+++++ 13th Angel + 8: Monday (88)

"They were after Kodama Horaki." Jake stood where he didn't want to be, trusting his young charges to both Nicolette and half a Company's worth of soldiers. Speaking to Kozo, Gendo, and Philip, he was confident in his assessment after his investigation into the attack, "Principle Alpha was not wrong as to their aim. Their financier appears to have been one of the three remaining members of SEELE, they've become sloppy with hiding their paper trails and the accounts led back to several we've already flagged but not frozen. The orders were to kidnap Kodama, take her somewhere they could make a trade, have Shinji meet with the SEELE member, and then presumably attempt to kill him. With what orbital space laser I have no idea, but there isn't any other end goal that makes sense. If they wanted to bargain for safety, kidnapping Kodama's a poor way to start. We're not exactly in the murder business."

Kozo nodded, scanning through the paper copy of the report, "Do we know where they are?"

"Korea," Gendo guessed. "This sounds like Lee Eun Jeong's work. I would disagree that there would be an attempt to kill my son, however. Most likely she would try and wheedle her way out of being killed. Fifty two years old, and to my knowledge only Lorenz Keel himself has ever told her what to do without involving a belt."

"More money than sense, it seems," Philip hemmed. "Thank you, Agent. Please give my regards to Nozomi and Sakura."

"Of course sir," the big man gladly hurried out of the room. The dismissal was as welcome as it was obvious, and if he hurried he felt he could make it to the school before the first major recess period.

As the door closed behind his subordinate, the French General pushed his folder away, "How do we take advantage of this? We are down to three, plus Keel, and with each capture we seem to be moving further from finally nabbing that festering pustule of humanity. To say nothing of this 'Perfume'."

"We could have him make an appeal?" Shinji's father leaned against the table, "We know the target, we know they'll be paying attention to anything he does for fear of reprisal. We have him state over the airwaves that if she comes in willingly, he'll ask that we spare her life."

"Would she know anything of use, though?" Kozo closed his own folder, joining the conversation in earnest, "If she is the one I remember, she often was sidelined. Used for her money by Keel, at best. The upper strata were not interested in her ideas, and I doubt they would have shared much about their activities with her."

"A live source of information is always better than a dead one," Philip shrugged. "Even if she merely corroborates what we know, there is little harm in letting her enjoy the comforts of Scheveningen before her…." Frowning as the door opened and closed without appearing to admit anyone, the elder officer's instincts had him stand and prepare to fight only to relax as a pink-skinned woman shimmered into visibility, "Mademoiselle Rose."

"My apologies," the ship's captain smiled with honest regret. "I understand how this must feel from your perspective having someone walking around you can't see. I assure you; I won't abuse it. Shinji would be appalled if I acted unethically."

"To what do we owe the honor of your visit?" Kozo stood as well, as there weren't enough chairs to offer her one, "We had been told that you were likely to be spending the day at the Elementary school."

"I was, and will be, however I thought you might like to know that several of your satellites had begun acting erratically for a time, then all stopped at once," she spun her finger around in an eccentric circle. "They were all focused over what you consider the southern pole, though I couldn't tell you which of your nations would have ownership of them. I know of many orbital weapons platforms that other worlds use, but don't worry. If anyone decides to bombard you, I'll obliterate the satellite before it can drop any payload."

General Benoit couldn't tell if the comforting smile was covering over a hidden threat, or if the alien being before him was truly attempting to be 'helpful' in stating that there was little chance of Earth's military prohibiting her from removing any extraterrestrial presence they had. "That is…something we will look into. Thank you for bringing this to our attention."

"It's no trouble at all," she reported happily. "Before long, my ship should have the debris field your planet has gathered from your early attempts at space flight cleared. Which should make launching further vessels much safer for you in the long run, so long as you don't destroy anything in orbit. It's given the repurposed drones something to do, and the aggregate scrap can be returned to you to reuse after the last few Angels have been absorbed into Shinji. Oh!" She snapped her fingers, "I almost forgot to mention, the next person that alters our security standing without pre-arranging it with Shinji? I'll tear their head off and mount it on the fence outside the house. His entire morning was ruined because he had to check several times that your people were going to be doing their duty instead of what some half-brained idiot thought they should be doing. Please control your senior military officers, or I'll have to stop being so polite. Bye!" Waving with the same comforting smile, she vanished, leaving through the door once more.

After several seconds had passed, Gendo chuckled, "And not a single one of them has any control over _him_." Turning to look at the two commanders, he shrugged, "Every single woman he's surrounded himself with either could, or does, command armies. Each of them are bastions of strength, poise, and beauty. Not _one_ of them has managed to stop him from doing what he chooses to do. I swear he gets it from his mother."

+++++ 13th Angel + 8: Monday (88)

"That is my intent," Suzuka agreed, genuinely enjoying the conversation she was having with Kelly. "Once you are capable of leaving the hospital safely, I will of course bring them all to you. Have you a place to stay? If you need, I would be glad to speak with the Shirakami and have them arrange for a first floor apartment somewhere." She made a motion for patience, "That is, of course, presuming that you do not wish to take him up on his offer. Your room would be further down the hall, on the leeward side of the house."

"I…feel I can ask you to be brutally honest with me, ma'am," the stricken redhead ran her thumbs atop one another, her worries compounding on each other with nobody to speak to on the matter.

The eternal swordswoman nodded slowly, "I will be as honest with you as you are with me. We are servants, though in differing capacities, to the same man. I would enjoy knowing that I had another woman who took that duty with the seriousness it deserves, rather than playing at it like our juniors might tend to."

"I doubt I'd be able to defend him against anything that could threaten him," Kelly smirked. "You and he are in a far different league."

"And, to be honest, I doubt I could restrain my anger with many of the fool headed decisions he has made around you." Suzuka admired Kelly's control over the temper she could see resided within the woman, "I strive to master it, though you have already done so."

"It's a curse, truly, having red hair," she smiled wanly. "The stereotype of quick to anger, quick to calm, has more than a touch of truth with me. I spent many years seeking out situations where I would become angry, practicing my litanies, honing my control. I found it easier to be calm when I wasn't expected to be in charge, which quickly made me decide I would take the rating I held in the Navy. No one expects me to be in charge, only to exercise the power of the person I'm serving when necessary."

"Which would be why Shinji trusts you," Suzuka guessed at the question. "Because you have proven adept at exerting his authority without needing him to tell you what he would prefer. He tasked me to be here today only after I assured him you would understand his time is limited. He will most likely find a way to visit regardless, but without you he's falling back on the habit of doing everything by his own hand."

"…Does he truly want me to move in?" She frowned, "I'm still quite the outsider, and with the drama surrounding his wife's decisions I would think he'd rather not increase the number of people under his roof."

"By 'drama', I take it you mean Tsuru-chan and Yang-chan?" Accepting the nod as agreement, she sighed, "That is a tale I will allow him to share. It is not that I do not know his mind, but that I would not presume to do his anxieties justice." Looking the other woman in the eye, she stated the truth as she knew it, "He enjoys your company. He does not pretend for your sake, as you know he cannot pretend even for his own. If he offered, of his own free will, to house you until the end of time it would be because he wants you to accept his offer. He enjoys caring for people, much like you do. He enjoys seeing them happy, much like _we_ do. He enjoys defending them, much like I do. There are many places in the vast ocean of his love, and should you never see him romantically you must never doubt that his love remains true _platonically_."

She couldn't misread the honesty Suzuka exuded, "And his wives?"

"Will accept his decision," she shrugged. "You are not unpleasant to-" Pausing as the door slid open, Suzuka stood to bow in respect to Maya, "Good day, Maya-dono. I had not expected you."

"I thought I'd check in on someone my husband was worrying over," Maya replied with a knowing smile. She'd enjoyed the evening spent with the willowy woman, and while she hadn't quite agreed to the idea of them increasing the marriage to include another woman, she was leaning towards an emphatic, 'Do that thing with the ropes more often and I will agree to anything except leaving Shinji and Hikari'. Crossing over to press a kiss to the much taller woman's lips, she shooed her off to the foot of the bed so she could check Kelly's vitals, "How are you feeling? I guess you've been talking to Suzuka-chan all morning, but I'd like to be able to report _medically_."

"Still sore, ma'am." She gestured down to her legs, "The itching is…exquisite."

"That, I do not doubt," Shinji's elder wife laughed. "I wish we had a good solution for that, other than distractions." Nodding at her patient's heartbeat, she settled back onto the stool, "So, you're looking better. Any bad dreams? Weird hallucinations? People you don't know talking to you?"

Suzuka frowned, "Is that typically a concern for a broken limb?"

"It's a concern for medications that go along with healing a broken limb, or infections that we need to be cautious over," Maya responded casually. "My husband, my wife, and I are all fond of Lieutenant Commander Chambers. It would be a shame if she wasn't being forthright with her physicians and I didn't ask after her."

"I…don't know that I'd call it a hallucination," Kelly hedged. "I had a dream a day ago that I was floating in a sea of ambers and crimsons. There was this voice, but I couldn't understand what it was saying. Nothing was visible when I looked around, and it seemed angry for some reason…no, no not angry. Annoyed. Like it couldn't understand what I was doing, or why I was doing it." She shrugged, "I just thought it was me overhearing the corpsmen and my mind being full of drugs."

 _Lily_ , Maya hoped the powerful being could hear her in the same way Shinji could, _would you mind stopping by?_ "That's interesting. And you said this was a day ago?"

"Aye, ma'am." The redheaded servant could read the room well enough, "You're worried."

"Is Shinji standing in front of me, safe and sound? No? Then I'm always worried," her response was as honest as she could make it. "He finds trouble wherever he goes."

 _Hello, Kitten,_ Lily landed with delicate grace next to the bed. _I'm positively thrilled you're discovering that you can call me. Have you considered doing so in the bath? I'd love to…._ Narrowing her eyes, she leaned in and sniffed at Kelly, _That's not right._ Snapping her fingers, she knocked the lithe runner unconscious before pointing to the door, _Guard that, Spear. This one is favored by our Lover, and I am not well-pleased to smell Adam's filth on her._

Suzuka moved to pull the curtains closed, cutting off any observation from without, "None will see you, I presume you wish to be here in person?"

Solidifying, the Second Angel exchanged her typical nudity for a Halloween-style Nurse's outfit, "It's easier this way. Kitten, on a scale from one to never touching me again, how angry would Shinji be to find that I'd tied her to him, do you think?"

"Eight or nine," Maya responded earnestly. "Taking away people's choice is probably one of the worst things you could do, in his mind. You know that."

Whatever word exited her mouth next, it was clearly not intended for polite company, "I'm going to have to do this the old fashioned way, then. I hope you don't have anything you need to do for a few hours, because I'm going to be busy. If anyone messes around with her, it will harm what I'm doing and might harm her." Sitting down on the edge of the bed, she rolled her eyes, "I've spent more time lately in everyone's minds but his."

+++++ 13th Angel + 8: Monday (88)

Misato sat watching the drone footage of Shinji eating lunch by a large oak tree, while eating the lunch he'd provided for her. The overwhelming flavors she preferred had somehow been balanced with actual nutritional value, and the more she ate of what he prepared the more she contemplated their 'past' together. He'd known her. He'd known where she lived, and he'd moved straight to the closet that she'd put him in, in another world. He'd known Pen-Pen, and had been gentle and open with the one other 'man' in her life that had never hurt her intentionally. He'd said that him, her, and _Asuka_ had a history, which meant that Asuka likely had taken the room she'd intended for him.

He'd never gawped at her physique, tried to sneak a peek into her room or bath, and while they hadn't lived together but a few days he'd not acted like someone 'different'. He was beaten. Whipped. Broken into submission and she had been there for all of it. _What kind of a heartless bitch am I?_ Pulling out her phone, she sent him a text as she tended to around thirty minutes past noon every day, 'Hey, just making sure everything's ok with you. Your wife is visiting Chambers-san, and I checked on Captain Minders for you before my shift. Did you maybe want to get together soon? I'm curious about…things. – Your Misa-Chan'.

Watching on the feed as he received her text, her heart hurt as he smiled that warm, caring, smile he had when he was genuinely pleased by something. He clearly hadn't yet read the message, he was just happy that she'd sent him something. He was so animated, every emotion he felt was projected in enormous blazing green letters just waiting for someone to read them. The brief flash of worry was tied to when he noted that she'd checked on their mutual friend, which changed quickly to thoughtfulness as he reached the end of her note. Tapping out a response, he sent it before offering his phone to his wife. Ever the dutiful husband, despite how Misato easily saw he wasn't happy with Hikari at the moment.

Several seconds passed and her phone vibrated in the pattern that indicated a message from him, 'I'd love to. I can't tonight, I've already promised I would watch another horror movie. Maybe tomorrow? Or if you want to wait, that's fine to. I'll try to make myself available when it is convenient for you. I know how hard you work to make sure everyone is taken care of, and I don't want this to be something that's inconvenient for you. If I don't talk to you before then, make sure to tell Pen-Pen I'm thinking of him.'

"Makoto-kun, you're taking my watch tomorrow evening, I'm only working one shift unless an Angel attacks." The man ducked his head, her tone not brooking any dissent. "Shigeru-kun, I need the roster for the meeting tonight confirmed again. I counted twelve names, but thirteen people climbed into their vehicle from the naval base."

"Roger," the guitarist began searching through the MAGI for the information requested.

She couldn't help but smile at the way Shinji had jumped to give her his time. Whatever disrespects had passed between them, it couldn't be _all_ bad if he was willing to meet with her alone. Tapping out a reply, she set her phone back down and resumed her meal, joining from afar the young man that fought so hard to make things better for everyone.

+++++ 13th Angel + 8: Monday (88)

"Was that really so hard?" The pleasant voice cooed as they patted the heiress' head, "See? You made a choice. That's all I asked you to do, and you managed it with only a little encouragement." Leaving the older woman cowering in her chair, they made their way to the results of the 'choice', "I have to admit, I never thought much of any of you on the council. No real practical skills, mostly hobbyists if you stumbled across something people would find useful. Just order others to do things, and sit back and plot. But this?" Whistling as they admired the clean hole the bullet had put through the young man's head, "Natural talent. Or dumb luck, but I'm not a big believer in that."

"A-are w-we going t-to be l-let go?" The young woman next to the corpse was near to panic, "Y-you promised."

"I did," the voice agreed. "If you agree to carry this letter," they waggled the envelope, "to the Japanese consulate. Inside this one," they waggled another, "are instructions. Follow them to the word, and I won't hunt you down and turn your body into another letter. You may have noticed, my patience isn't infinite." The eager manner in which the mid-twenties woman bobbed her head brought a smile to their face as they handed over both envelopes, "Good girl. Now, before you leave, what are you supposed to do?"

Bowing quickly, she intoned the same statement that their insane host had insisted they practice, "Shinji Ikari is the path to salvation. All others are as dust before his majesty. My body is his to do with as he will. My soul is his to do with as he will. I am worthless if he does not love me."

"Outstanding," the voice applauded. "Miss Lee, you made an excellent decision hiring this young woman. I see a bright future for her, so long as she obeys the letter." Waving the young woman off, and ignoring the way in which she ran out of the room in terror, they turned to face the SEELE councilmember, "Now. What is this I hear about you attempting to kidnap Kodama Horaki, hmm? Your apes made a mistake, and now poor Shinji is rather put out. You see, I had to go and finish things up myself. I even got spotted by his secretary, which really isn't a shock considering she's immensely talented." Pulling out a scalpel, they sighed as the whining screams began beneath the gag they had put in place, "If you had chosen to shoot young miss Seong, I would have sent you instead. Not sure how much use he'd have for you at your age, but well…the question's academic now, isn't it?"

+++++ 13th Angel + 8: Monday (88)

"Bravo has pulled out. Her Grace, Miss Xu, and Miss Mitsuishi are all on the way back to the house," Kiyomi reported quietly to Shinji. "The school is empty of students, and most of the staff have left as well. Only your teachers remain behind, as the Secretary requested. They're in a brief meeting right now, to my knowledge."

"I'm not sure what they hope to learn from my instructors," Shinji's lips quirked off to the side. "But, it's not time for the tour yet. They're not being pushy, are they?"

"Not the read I've had on them, sir." The keen-eyed captain rocked her hand, "Safest bet, they're asking questions about how you act in public. They may not have had as much time around you as your wives, but the teachers are trained to spot 'difficulties' in students."

"Fair enough," he nodded. Spying General Benoit and Admiral Drake in the hall, walking alongside Kozo Fuyutsuki, he pointed surreptitiously, "Incoming."

"Good afternoon, sirs," the Captain stood at attention, seeing no need to call the entire room to the position as it contained only her and a civilian. "I apologize for not meeting you at the gate, I've been discussing the order of events with His Grace."

"No concern at all, Captain," Samuel inclined his head politely. "Our good friend Shinji here outranks all of us, your attention was rightly placed on him." Extending his hand, he smiled with friendly warmth, "How are you feeling today, son?"

"Eager to be done with this, if I'm being honest, sir." Accepting the greeting, he returned a good, strong, grip, "I am sorry about what happened to Lieutenant Commander Chambers. You entrusted me with her, and I couldn't return her to you."

"The tragedy is hers, not mine," the elder naval officer demurred. "Such accidents are a hazard anywhere conflict goes, and she volunteered eagerly when I asked if she would mind keeping an eye on you. I've heard, however, that you've offered to take her in yourself. I'm glad to hear that you and she get along well enough that you would offer her that."

"We are working the numbers through the budget to see if we might hire her as a contractor," Shinji's Commander stated. "Seeing as she has your confidence, Lead Pilot, I can't think of a reason to argue with your desire to see her paid for her work. So long as Admiral Drake and General Benoit agree to trust a civilian, things might work out so that you can keep her around."

"She interfaced well with my staff," Philip agreed simply.

"She never lost my trust," the Admiral added.

"Ikari-san?" Shinji's gym instructor hesitated to interrupt what he knew to be a meeting of extremely high-profile people, however the other meeting of extremely high-profile people had requested he do just that, "The Assistant Secretary has asked if you would mind moving up the physical demonstration. She feels you might be a little restless after sitting all day, and could use the exercise."

"Here we go," Kiyomi murmured where only he could hear.

"Of course, sensei." Shinji had already changed into the clothes he used to practice with Suzuki, having seen another odd flash of this happening, "I kind of anticipated that."

+++++ 13th Angel + 8: Monday (88)

"It's inhuman."

The man who had spoken received a hard glare from Gretchen as she made a mental note to see about suitable punishments for him. Holding a clipboard where she had been taking copious notes to appear interested in everything she was seeing, the broad Bavarian tucked it under one arm and applauded as Shinji finished the final lap, "That is amazing, Shinji." Watching the slight 'aw shucks' blush on his face, the way that he seemed to want to slouch but somehow refrained from doing so, touched her heart. Standing before her, looking nothing more than like the perfect man, was a teenager who did not receive the right kind of praise from those he was surrounded by. Each time she spoke, she was certain to do so as the mother she'd never managed to be. "Here," taking the bottle of water from the pocket of her blazer, she handed it to him, "I know that you said you don't need to hydrate, but I worry. I'm asking you to do so much today, and I don't want to misuse you."

"Thank you, ma'am," ducking his head, then drinking enough to be seen as following instructions, the Third Child gestured to his gym coach questioningly.

"You beat your last record, Ikari-san," the man flipped the board around showing the times. "I understand your reasoning, but I'd love to put you on a pitch. Even for just a friendly, just to show that you were here and a part of the school."

"It wouldn't be fair, sensei," the old conversation played out for the audience before them. "The students who are on the team, both ours and the other school's, train very hard to be where they are. I wouldn't want to take their hard work away from them just to show off."

"That is a very honorable decision, Shinji," the Assistant Secretary smiled approvingly. "The spirit of competition is predicated on the fairness of the playing field. Though it isn't your fault that you have advantages foisted upon you by your time in the Evangelions, that you willingly abstain shows high character." Tipping her head towards the track, she called for him to walk alongside her, "Let's take another lap around, this time walking, to stretch your limbs after exercising."

"Of course, ma'am," falling into place, he sensed the rest of the gaggle forming up around them. "Your security operates in a much different manner to mine. Do they normally hang so close to you?"

"Oh, these aren't my security detachment, dear," she corrected him gently. "The reason they look so odd in their suits is that they are used to wearing uniforms. Only two of them have never served, or are not serving now, in the military. We'll introduce you when we sit down in your auditorium for the meeting. For now, please ignore their awkwardness."

"Oh!" He reassessed their bearing, but couldn't avoid hearing their songs. Each man and woman not already familiar with him was ready to either fight or flee, save for the ambassador and the woman to his side, "I think I'm making them nervous."

"Which would be silly," Gretchen shrugged comfortably. "I've spent a lifetime working around people who want nothing more than to slap the taste from another's mouth for the slightest impertinence or offense, real or contrived. All I sense from you is a deep and abiding concern for the wellbeing of everyone around you. There's anger, certainly, but you're a young man. Such things are to be expected of young men. You control it well, and you act with dignity. With enough guidance, I could see a good future for you in my career field."

"I doubt I could do your job, ma'am," Shinji laughed with wry self-deprecation. "I get frustrated with myself too easily."

"You are less than two decades old. Believe me, at more than five decades the view is a great deal different. I did not arrive where I am, without going through where you are." Showing him the clipboard she held, she tapped one of the words she'd purposefully written down, "In discussing with your teachers, they mentioned that you've pursued a leadership role under your wife. Despite having a broader popularity, you never once sought to supersede or displace her. That, dear, is how I know you have potential. Many _people_ , not just men, would seek to be 'top dog'. You? You just want to make sure that the job is done well, and that the person in charge has your best effort. You know your worth, but you don't hide your talent."

"They voted her Class Representative at the start of the year. It wouldn't be right for me to come in part way through and take away her position," he smiled with a mixture of fondness and irritation as he thought on the day's events. "That's actually how we…well, how _she_ asked me out. I helped her after class, acting as her sub-rep. She then asked if I knew where to go shopping for a good deal on food. We went shopping, I bought a few things with my own money for her family as their budget was tight, and I walked her home."

Gretchen prompted him to continue, "And this was before your accident, I understand."

"It was," he nodded. "I still have the card Nozomi-chan made." Framing a rectangle with his fingers to indicate the card, he then sketched in the air, "Unit-01 delivering tofu to a happy young girl. My wife's entire family is extraordinarily talented. I would say that I am the more fortunate one to have them in my life, as opposed to the reverse." Remembering Toshiro, he couldn't hide the sadness on his face, "I wonder if I'm doing enough. Or if I'm doing too much."

Her next statement had the air of a proverb about it, "Trinken wir zu viel, dann sterben wir. Trinken wir nichts, dann sterben wir. Also trinken wir."

"Das...scheint keine Mäßigung zu bedeuten," he frowned at the translation.

"It's a common saying where I'm from," she reverted to Japanese with another bit of knowledge tucked away. "It essentially means that you should live your life. Everything will kill you in the wrong amounts, Shinji. We don't always know what those amounts are, and if you play everything safe you might end up with nothing at all."

"So act," he sighed. "Which I guess is why it's a saying. I risk overanalyzing my actions."

Patting his back, she felt a small sense of hope as he didn't shy away, "So we drink, dear. So we drink."

+++++ 13th Angel + 8: Monday (88)

After the introductions were completed, Shinji found himself on one side of the tables with Kozo, General Benoit, and Admiral Drake. The other three legs of the hollow square held an array of UN and ambassadorial staff, all of whom seemed immensely uncomfortable, save once again for Gretchen, as she'd asked to be called, and the woman he now recognized as the United States' Ambassador to the UN.

Wishing that he'd known there would be so many people, Shinji had to rely on the nameplates his homeroom teacher had made out of cardstock. The question he'd been asked was odd, "I haven't had any real reason to, General. I've found that mostly to be a result of my being near someone. If it would make it easier, I'd be glad to simply speak in your native language."

"We'd prefer to avoid that," Gretchen stepped in firmly. "We are in your country, Shinji. It is only right, as guests, that we use your tongue. The translators should suffice, and if there is any confusion we'll ask for clarification." She smiled from her position opposite him on the other side of the square, "Not everyone is a functional polyglot, and those of us who are tend to be rather fortunate, don't you think?"

"It is helpful," Admiral Drake replied. "Especially in a situation where you're interacting with those who should be considered peers." It was clear the man had a distaste for the general that had spoken, and just as clear that the distaste was reciprocal, "Now that we've determined the language du jour, why don't we begin?"

"Of course," she agreed, her opinion not far from the admiral's. "Shinji has school in the morning, and while he may not require much rest I would still prefer he have the opportunity to seek it." Looking to her side, she gestured to the US Ambassador, "I believe you wanted to start out?"

"Thank you, Madam Secretary," the brunette smiled politely in recognition. "I wished to begin by apologizing, informally, to His Grace for recent events. While unsanctioned by her people, the United States Armed Forces were still involved in harassing him during combat operations. We are, as you might guess, still dealing with the repercussions of the accused's alleged actions."

Shinji frowned, remembering the number of planes he himself downed, "How will he be punished?"

The woman's tone remained even, "If found guilty, he will spend the rest of his life in prison, Your Grace."

"How many died…and yet he lives." Looking down at his hands, clenched on the top of the table, he grit his teeth, "It isn't right to just kill someone. But is he truly going to be punished, or is he just going to sit in a comfortable cell?"

"Which is why we are pressing for an extradition to the Hague, Shinji," Philip added quietly. "There is some moderate turmoil in the US at the moment, and once they have elected a new president we will be…politely requesting that they demonstrate good faith as a member of a _community_."

Hearing the assurances from a man he still had some respect for, if diminished by his increasing closeness to Gendo, Shinji nodded, "Ok." Consciously releasing his hands, he looked back to the Ambassador, "Are the families of those pilots I killed being cared for? Whether they knew what they were doing wasn't legal or not, their children don't deserve to suffer."

The brunette's calm smile faded slightly, "Unfortunately, there are no provisions for-"

"Ma'am," Shinji interrupted, "there are no provisions for globe-spanning conspiracies against humanity involving giant aliens and robots piloted by teenagers. There are no provisions for turning one of those teenagers into a freak." He felt Kozo's wince more than saw it, "These are _children_. After the turn of the millennium, the world created an entire generation of orphans following a series of increasingly devastating human conflicts, according to my history teacher. Are you telling me that nearly two decades later we still don't have _provisions_ for caring for them appropriately?"

"If I may?" One of the men raised his hand slightly, asking for recognition.

Gretchen gestured calmly towards the man, "Please, Doctor."

"Has the US considered applying for emergency relief from the UN Committee on War Orphans?" Tapping his phone, he indicated he was speaking of someone not present, "I've sent a message to the Secretary in charge of that department for clarification, but it would seem that under Section V, Sub-Section Two, those children left behind by this brief conflict would qualify for assistance." He looked back to Shinji, "So long as you accept that we've returned to a state of peace between belligerents?"

Shinji's frown returned, "Belligerents?"

"A term applied without judgement, son," Admiral Drake stepped in quickly. "Any time two forces oppose one another, even if the defensive force is acting within their rights to engage in hostilities to protect themselves and their territory, both sides are considered a 'belligerent'. It's a legal term, nothing more."

"Indeed," the doctor inclined his head slightly. "My apologies for the confusion, Your Grace. Merely using the parlance of our vocation."

Turning to look to Kozo, Shinji received a return look of trust. His Commander wasn't going to guide him forward, he was there merely to support him. "I don't want war with anyone," he faced the doctor tentatively. "I've wanted peace my entire life, not that it's ever really been an option."

The US Ambassador blinked, confused, "So, you don't wish to pursue hostilities with my nation, then?"

"I can't speak for the nation of Japan," Shinji was confused as to why she was confused. "But for myself? No. I have no interest in war with the United States, or anyone. I'm fighting the Angels to stop people from dying, what purpose would killing them myself serve?" Pausing, he shook his head, "Except SEELE. I can't really declare war on…whatever they are, but if I find them they will pay for what they've done. To the world, to me…to Rei."

She clasped her hands before her, "The former Vice President is-"

"Alive at the good graces of our host," another woman spoke, her nameplate identifying her as a Chinese governmental representative, though without specific rank. She was listening to the man beside her, and translating for him from his native Mandarin, "We have already executed the party member responsible for abusing the trust of our nation, and provided proof of her arrogant and selfish betrayal to Secretary von Ortenburg." The man gestured for the presiding official to concur that she'd seen the proof.

"My office has seen the video evidence, yes," Gretchen nodded.

"Our country is eager to put this matter behind us," the translator continued. "While we do not require assistance with our orphans, we would be willing to host you, Your Grace, to show you the schools and programs we are setting up to provide them with the means to grow into productive members of society. No shame will be attached to their family for the failure of one woman in leading others to their deaths."

"I…would like that," Shinji continued attempting to piece together why he was being treated as a representative of his nation. "Perhaps after the Angel War, though. I can't be far from Unit-01 until everyone is safe."

"A wise precaution," she agreed on behalf of her diplomat. "The People's Republic of China will welcome you and your family with open arms, Your Grace. We look forward to the day that peace shines her favor on our world once more." The man turned his attention to the US Ambassador, "Perhaps if the United States of America were as interested in pursuing peace, they would take longer strides towards it."

"Our legal system does not allow for summary executions, General," the brunette responded in a level tone. "The accused is to be treated as innocent until proven guilty in a court of law, it is a hallmark of our system that is afforded to everyone regardless of rank or standing. We will not sacrifice our founding principles, even in the face of extraordinary circumstances." Facing Shinji, she smiled pleasantly, "I'm certain His Grace understands the rule of law must be maintained. Chaos is no one's ally but the wicked."

Shinji had to agree that she had a solid point. He could imagine the abuses a government could engage in without protections for the weak, "I understand your position, ma'am. I would hope, though, that the preponderance of evidence will prove what I know to be true. I would also hope that your government would be eager to see him tried before humanity…his crimes were not limited to the United States."

"Perhaps," Philip wrote down a few notes, "in exchange for terms of peace, we could see the accused transferred to the ICC? It would certainly not be the first time such an exchange was made."

"We would require assurances that His Grace wouldn't seek extrajudicial resolutions," the Ambassador's eyes flicked between Shinji and the French General.

"A fair trial, sentencing according to the highest court on Earth, and an _aggressive_ pursuit of aid for those left behind by the unfortunate dead," Gretchen summed up. "As well as officially recognized standing for Shinji in your nation, allowing him those benefits such standing merits." Her eyes held the obvious question as they focused on him.

"I'm not sure what that last part would mean, but the other three are things I truly want," Shinji looked to the three men beside him, receiving an assuring nod from each. "I've been writing several letters to individuals in the US, and I'd like to be able to visit them too. I've received several invitations, but…again, Unit-01."

The Ambassador's smile was that of a woman who couldn't believe her good fortune, "I'll have to run this by the Boss, but I don't see a reason we can't make this work."

"Now then," Gretchen smiled warmly, "with that bit of formality out of the way. I was wondering if we might turn to a few medical questions." She gestured to the doctor that had spoken up regarding war orphans, "Please, Herr Doktor, you wanted to know about the young child in the farming village?"

+++++ 13th Angel + 8: Monday (88)

"It was odd," Maya grimaced. "Nothing really else can be said but that. Lily is confident that Kelly will be fine, her memories were altered but her mind was untouched otherwise. The _why_ of the memory alteration is the odd part. She, Lily I mean, walked around and felt for anyone else that might have been affected only to come up empty."

"We all know how poorly Lover reacts to his family being harmed," the pale beauty shrugged. "Your first time calling me, and this might be the only other acceptable use of it." Hugging Hikari, Lily pouted, "I was told I couldn't play with you three tonight."

It was, to Shinji's younger wife, a surreal experience to be embraced by a more mature Rei Ayanami that seemed to have two settings: lust and well-hidden lust. "I'm having a date night with my wife." Returning the embrace, she patted Lily's back gently, "Even Shinji is finding another place to sleep tonight."

"You're pushing him to do so," Lily's voice became serious for a moment, speaking in the merest whisper. "Don't think you can hide that from me, child." Sitting back, her face showed no change in the pout as her volume raised back to conversational, "I'd claim him, then, but I need to spend more time fixing his redheads."

"I overheard Idunn-san is arriving today," Maya couldn't help but feel trepidatious about adding another unconscious person to their list of people they had to monitor, "the flight lands on the carrier at twenty hundred. She should be at NERV before tomorrow."

"Is here really the best place?" Hikari wanted to have a talk with Lily about the elder being's intentions, but couldn't without involving Maya, "Aren't there better hospitals elsewhere?"

Her wife shook her head, "General Benoit and her remaining family are here. We could put her in a civilian hospital, and make it a target just like it was with Sakura-chan, or we could park her with the Corpsmen. While she might receive more focused care elsewhere, she's safer with us."

"If her malady is spiritual, I'll find a way to fix it," Lily shrugged with a smile. "To my knowledge, they are all the first living beings to enter an abscess in reality unshielded and survive. If it is a physical reaction to the extreme environmental changes, then time and practical care will be needed until Lover develops enough control to exercise his will."

"You think Shinji will be able to heal her?" Maya's frown was tempered by concern, "Is that one of the talents he'll develop?"

"Once he's the Lord of All Creation? Of course," the eternal being seemed perplexed. "Do you honestly think someone capable of controlling every pillar of creation will have a difficult time coaxing a consciousness back into place? The neurosurgeon who healed our dear little Treat here," she patted Hikari's wrist, "would have no difficulty in properly bandaging a cut on your ankle. It's much the same with Lover and Idunn. He will be able to summon the powers of Adam's children without batting an eye, the human mind is not nearly as complex as you believe it to be."

+++++ 13th Angel + 8: Monday (88)

Standing outside of the school's gate, Shinji was seeing the group of UN officials to the awaiting cars that would take them home, "Thank you for coming and visiting, ma'am." His bow was interrupted as the Assistant Secretary stepped into a warm hug. Hesitating at first, out of habit, Shinji returned the gesture with a small smile. The woman had spent the entire time speaking with him in a very motherly way, and he had to admit it was nice to receive enthusiastic praise for his accomplishments from someone with significant authority. "I…look forward to seeing you again."

"As do I, dear Shinji, as do I." Stepping slightly back, leaving her hands on his waist, she tilted her head slightly, "Would you sing us that song you've used to calm tempers? It's a dreadfully long flight back home, and I'd like to know the peace I've heard accompanies it."

It wasn't a terribly burdensome request, and he quickly felt that it was only right that he send them off feeling as if there were no hard feelings. The American Ambassador and the Chinese Ambassador were still glaring at each other from time to time, though the gentleman looked on Shinji as if he might have hope for improving relations between Japan and his home country, and the lady looked on Shinji as if she wanted a few moments alone to bring something to his attention.

 _Shamshel_. Summoning the Aspect of Day, he closed his eyes and began to sing the tune in time with his friend. As before, for one second over two and a half minutes a golden glow expanded outwards. Each person touched by the glow felt similar truths emerge. They weren't hopeless, they could overcome their fears, that they had failed wasn't itself a failure so long as they tried again. Hope, in all its varied forms, flowed outwards to touch every living being it could.

For nearly five thousand kilometers in every direction.

Shuddering with pleasure, the matronly Bavarian whispered, "In deinem Namen, Amen." Opening her eyes again, she looked up at him and smiled in gratitude, "Thank you, Shinji. I hope to hold onto this feeling for some time." Taking her leave, she urged everyone into the vehicles and set them in motion. The act seemed as if it were performed with slightly more haste than could be easily explained as a desire to be off, though he couldn't place a reason for it.

"That went well," Kozo started the conversation as they all watched the cars drive off.

"It could have gone much worse," Philip agreed. "The path to creating a true global citizenship process needed the boost. It will be interesting to see how the other nations fall on the issue, now that both China and the United States have joined Russia in welcoming him."

A few things clicked into place for Shinji, "A what now?"

"Official standing is necessary to avoid a situation where Japan is seen as holding sole access to you," Admiral Drake began. "If you want to continue helping people globally, you'll need the ability to travel where you will. Part of that is ensuring that every nation on Earth will welcome you. Secretary von Ortenburg stands to gain a great deal of clout in the UN by assisting you, as you come from her department, if tangentially. By demonstrating who you are to the ambassadors, and speaking about your interest in healing what you can, you've given them ammunition to go back and insist that we aren't biding our time to take over the world."

Philip looked to his fellow military leader with a wry grin, "We?"

"I'm having to assuage my own people, my friend. Several of the ships have set up shrines to pray at, believing that Shinji's good favor is what saw them through not only the Angel's attempt at Unit-02, but the joint US and Chinese assault. The UN Military Charter intends that every member within its ranks serves the good of mankind," Samuel gestured to Shinji as if presenting him.

"I really don't want to be worshipped," Shinji shook his hands before him, warding off the idea.

"It's far too late to avoid it, son," Kozo shrugged with a smile. "The best you can hope to do now is simply continue to be the person you are, and help guide everyone towards doing 'the right thing'. Work with those elected by their nations to set up peace treaties, work with corporations and churches to care for the sick and the poor, encourage scientific advancement and appreciation of the arts. Help everyone understand that failure isn't a death sentence for hope."

"Punish those who take advantage of hospitality and generosity, who take without giving or working, who treat others as things or products instead of as humans with hopes and dreams," Philip added. "Think carefully about it, for a moment. You are eternal, the rest of us are not. You can act as a beacon and a flame. A light for peace and a light for justice, though not the petty ideals of vengeance or reciprocal violence. True justice, where the truly wicked are set aside where they may do no harm while everyone else strives to be the best they can be, in whatever form that may take."

"There will be blood," Samuel cautioned. "There always is. Some, like SEELE, simply do not wish to live in a world where people are free to reach as high as they might. Or where people are free to aid others to reach higher, such as Kelly does. Sometimes, the solution to those who would tear down the world to control it is death. But we must seek to refine our judgements, not allow festering wounds while still allowing for the hope of redemption."

Kozo tacked on the final point, "If, someday, your song can reach the entire world…."

 _Can I ever truly be worthy of this? Is one…man…._ A laugh escaped Shinji before he could stifle it, then another, before finally a cascade of laughter flowed from him as he realized that for all the times he'd offered the advice to another in his household, he'd never once actually internalized it himself. "Asuka was right," he said between fits, "I'm an _idiot_."

+++++ 13th Angel + 8: Monday (88)

Stepping into the home he was blessed to live within, Shinji approached everything with fresh eyes. He could feel several songs in the house, all swarming with bright joy after the effects of Shamshel's Aspect. Kodama, having volunteered to spend the evening with Nozomi and Sakura playing a variety of games in the room they still preferred to share, was the dominant tune present for the three. His wives, already well into their evening, were in the baths enjoying one another's company.

Outside of the house, Suzuka was nowhere to be found, though he could feel her presence moving about the city without any significant torment. Noelle was still unconscious, and Kelly seemed much improved with her pain diminished as Lily sat near her for a reason he couldn't place. Rose was aboard her ship, and he could even feel Asuka's slumber, Misato's happiness, Ritsuko's focus, and a growing presence of Nicolette's. Toying with the new awareness, he followed string after string that had bound him to an entire host of capable people. He wasn't 'damned', he was _blessed_. These talented heroes, each with their own skills to share, were the foundation of a world where pain was truly temporary instead of the norm.

All of this left the two women he'd promised an evening to, "I am home, and I am sorry that I took so long. I forgot that I had promised to perform an inspection. Please, let's just skip the homework and go straight to the movie." Smiling as he was surrounded by the happiness flowing through his place of respite, he tossed his bag over to join the others, noting the look of awe on Tsuru's face and the look of pleased concern on Yang's, "You two would not believe the afternoon I have had."

"Is it worth talking about?" Yang picked up the movie case, raising from her seat on the couch, "Or would you rather just let it go and push on?" The leggy waitress wore a pair of shorts and a t-shirt, dressing far more 'down' than she typically did. It was a good sign, to Shinji, that she was becoming comfortable in the house and didn't feel the need to dress 'up' all the time.

"We wouldn't mind listening to your worries, Shinji," Tsuru assured him. "You carry so many, if sharing them would help I'm certain Yang-chan wouldn't mind waiting for another day for a movie." The poised farmgirl had chosen an appealing skirt and blouse combination, clearly hoping to accentuate her beauty to appeal to him in what way she could.

Rounding the sofa, he dropped into the spot to Tsuru's right, turning his body so that he lay on the furniture fully, and resting his head in her lap without warning, "I would rather watch a movie, like I promised." Looking up at the woman that Hikari assured him would guide his 'church', Shinji pushed himself towards making peace with her place in the house. She needed reassurances that he wouldn't neglect his end of the bargain, should she meet hers, "If I say that I will do something, it is very important to me that I keep my word."

"I…uhm," she blushed. Hope, love, and desire fought for dominance over her song, "Would…you mind if I took down your hair?"

"Please do," tilting his head to the side, he looked towards Yang as Tsuru pulled his hairbands free. "Yang, what are we experiencing today? Ghosts? Vampires? Terrible acting?"

"Zombies," the young woman drew out the word as the undead might. "But not the slow kind. These are super-fast zombies, and that's where the terror comes from. It's not an inevitable, slow moving, tide. It's a tidal wave crashing into the shore and mauling everything in its path."

"Well, I look forward to learning more about your preferred hobby," he shared an eager grin. "I hope you don't mind sitting on my lap, I've had a day and I want to be surrounded by people I care about. Since my wives ditched me to spend time reminding each other they love each other, I get to branch out and spend time reminding you two that I love you both." Looking back up to Tsuru, he reached up and gripped her shoulder, "It may not be all the way where you want it, since you need to meet my demands first, but I promise…I'm not saying that just because you want to hear it."

Dashing back, jumping into the air and spinning about to land facing the television, Yang placed herself on his lap with force, "Well you're just as loved, big guy." Pouting playfully, she looked at him, "I landed on you with all of my weight, and you didn't even grunt. How am I supposed to roughhouse with you if I can't even get that much from you?"

"You do weigh under forty kilos, Yang-chan," Tsuru began to run her fingertips lightly across his scalp. "It wouldn't surprise me if Shinji barely noticed you, as he can lift an order of magnitude more than that without straining."

"I'll try to learn how to limit my strength so I can play with you," he patted Yang's leg gently. "Right now, I'm focusing on learning to defend everyone. But, you are very correct in that I need to learn how to 'roughhouse' if I'm going to have kids. Our children deserve a father that plays with them, that teaches them how to play physically." Returning his eyes to Tsuru, he frowned thoughtfully, "Does Mushroom-chan like playing like that? She seemed to be very comfortable opposing you, though you were barely slowed by her."

"We wrestled all the time," the farmgirl's smile was full of fond reminiscence, "I let her win from time to time."

"Which is good," Yang applauded gently. "I let Wei practice the same way. Sometimes you have to 'lose' so that they can learn proper grips and techniques."

Shinji grinned as a thought crossed his mind, "I hope Sakura-chan gets better soon…I'd love to let them 'win' against me. Teach them to work together, fight as a team."

"…Our children will have a wonderful father," Tsuru whispered.

Yang shifted her hips a bit, seemingly to settle into her seat though the action massaged a portion of her seat's anatomy pleasantly, "And they will all be 'our' children. We're a team, now. A family." Pressing play, she pulled her legs up to tuck one under Shinji's while sliding the shin of the other along the top of the same. Wrapping him in a way, she allowed her motions to continue enticing him.

"I wonder what we'll have them call us," the farmgirl pondered, setting her free hand to holding Shinji's. "Aunt? Or will everyone just be 'mom'?"

Dutifully facing the screen, though he knew it would hold no interest for him mentally, Shinji relaxed his guard. "I know…I never want them to call me 'father'. I kind of like what Toshiro had, 'Daddy'. The love Kodama put into that word for him, I want to prove worthy of that."

As the movie began, the conversation halted for the moment. Each had their own thoughts on the entire matter, and none were fully of the same opinion. To Yang, a big family meant lots of aunts and uncles. Each aunt and uncle was valued, though perhaps not as much as each other aunt or uncle. Her father, a good man who worked hard even though he didn't have to, was simply 'Ba'. He wasn't the main male influence in her life, though he was a constant presence. Her 'Ma', however, was a larger-than-life presence that touched everyone and everything she saw. Even Shinji himself, a gift she was realizing rapidly her mother had presented to her, was touched by that powerful force. A benevolent Matriarchy suited her fine, but she wanted no piece of being the official 'Matriarch'. That was Hikari's place, and she was welcome to the pain. Shinji would always defer to her, which meant that everyone else would.

Tsuru's ideas were far more traditional. Her father's role in Ogawa meant that hard work and dedication were virtues to be emulated. His idea of 'leadership' was cultivating cooperation, banding everyone together for a common cause, and putting talent and assets towards the most necessary or needed segments of the area he took responsibility for. She saw, in Shinji, that kind of man, only perfected. He would act as the Patriarch, the prime focus around which everything else revolved. Any woman that would not sacrifice of herself for his happiness did not deserve the happiness he would lavish upon them. Any man that would attempt to usurp his place would find an army of women eager to burn them to the ground. She _wanted_ to live in the shelter of his grace, she _wanted_ to be known as his most loyal wife. Let the others lead, her place was at his knee…or elsewhere on his person.

Shinji's thoughts focused on the practical, instead of the ideal. He'd need to set out scheduled time, if he had even one child with each woman who had shown an interest, he'd have more than a week's worth of appointments including Nozomi, Sakura, and Moriko. That pushed him towards doing everything as a group, and encouraging the children to all see themselves as part of that 'unit', to borrow military parlance. None more important than the whole, but each capable of adding valuable talents. Glory in the success of the whole, instead of allowing pride to dictate individual success. His mind momentarily went to Asuka, and he wondered if perhaps any of his children might end up with a similar outsized ego. The thought amused him, after a moment, as at least he'd have Asuka to bring in and ask questions of. He had resources beyond reason, so long as he kept everyone alive long enough to make use of them.

Midway through the movie, he felt his wives song unify again, the knowledge warming his heart. His greatest concern was that if he fell, that they would fall apart like his father had. There was still no true forgiveness for the man, though now Shinji understood him better. The possibility existed in his mind alone that Hikari and Maya would separate, torn apart by the same madness that had possessed his father, but like the movie before him the possibility was a fiction. And, like the movie before him, he couldn't bring himself to truly dwell on the horror. It wasn't real, the love in that room was. The love between two women, each of whom he loved desperately, would see them through…he just had to believe in them.

He also realized, a moment later, that his free hand was lightly massaging Yang's stomach under her shirt. The hand he held of Tsuru's was resting on his chest. He had, without thinking, accepted their acts of affection. He was, with more than moderate embarrassment as his awareness spread, turned on by their presence. His guard had truly dropped. Keeping his thoughts as quiet as he could, he let those actions creep further forward. Testing, teasing, seeking the revulsion or loathing that he'd expected. When, instead, he only felt the affection they held for him it deepened his thinking on the matter.

The woman who's lap he rested upon was tense, he could feel her twitching with every scare or fright, though she'd either grown accustomed to horror after only four and a half movies, or his presence was doing far more to soothe her than he'd willingly give himself credit for. His thumb gently caressing the hand sandwiched between his own and his chest was mirrored by her digit, pleasantly.

The woman who rested upon his lap was, of all things, amused. He could feel her song and knew she was stifling a giggle, and while he wished to know what was causing the feeling, he did not want to interrupt the movie to do so. Manners, after all, made the man. It was not at all unenjoyable to have her where she was, the feeling of being 'hidden' under her soothing to his own anxieties.

The final scene of the movie played out, eliciting tears from Tsuru and Yang both. It was an intentionally bittersweet ending, the director having done a much better job than Shinji had thought possible with the topic of the film. Checking the time, he lamented that they didn't have enough for another movie, and opted to let the women know the truth, "I enjoyed this. I wish we didn't have school to worry about, but an hour isn't enough for another movie."

"Mmm, no. The shortest one I have is a little over eighty minutes," Yang sighed, shutting off the television and asking the disc to eject. "That one is truly goofy, though. Probably better to watch with the little ones, as it's only a 'horror' in the sense that there are ghosts involved."

"How are you two so calm?" Tsuru's words were far more tense than her tone, "That movie was scary!"

"I've seen it about twelve times," Yang shrugged.

"When you've done the things I have…it takes away from the impact of a film," Shinji looked up to the woman cradling his head. "Especially since in a situation like the one we just witnessed, I would be able to protect everyone. They were still moving at human speeds, and between Sahaquiel's shield for you, and my A.T. Field, the entire scenario is at most…gross."

"…You would protect us, wouldn't you?" She blushed slightly, "Our noble Duke Ikari, defender of mankind." Her look faded to worry as she faced her room, "Now…I have to go try to sleep."

"You can crash with me," Yang offered with a shrug, patting Shinji's leg where Tsuru couldn't see. "Until you're numb to the scares, I don't mind sharing my bed. Besides," she smiled, "you don't snore like my little brother does."

"That's very nice of you, Yang," Shinji approved, understanding that the leggy waitress had just maneuvered the situation to where he wouldn't have to push himself further out of his comfort zone. "I'm going to go check on the ladies up at the hospital, myself. I likely won't end up sleeping tonight." Sitting up, he cradled her so that he didn't dump her off his lap unceremoniously. Leaning in, he whispered, "Thanks," and hugged her before setting her down. Swinging his legs off the couch, he looked to his other partner in cinematic adventures, "Could you put my hair back up? It was nice to have you comb it out, but I need it out of my face in public."

"Of course," the offer removed the sting of his and Yang blocking out her hopes, allowing her to play with his hair for a few more moments before the 'date' ended.

It wasn't everything she'd wanted, nor was it everything he'd wanted, but meeting in the middle was progress for both.

+++++ Author's Notes:

TripleF: RE: Lying.

You, my friend, caught a genuine error. I had become so focused on making sure that Shinji was interacting with the Aspects within their domains appropriately that I had forgotten they were all inside of his soul still. Fixed the line to maintain story integrity. Good catch!

TheHiddenLettuce: RE: Visions.

That is indeed Shinji seeing things as the Horaki clan does. Hikari has become a part of him, for better or worse.

origamishishou:

RE: Trunji? Shunks?

I could see Trunks being a good comparison body-wise. Interestingly enough, similar problems with their fathers too.

RE: Unit-00's core.

I've always backed the Rei as Interface and Pilot theory. Lilith took back both pieces of her soul. As far as the current core now that someone accidentally the whole Eva, that's not been addressed yet in the story.

JaceSterne:

RE: Commentary.

Never feel obligated to comment, my friend. I appreciate your input, and thank you profusely for doing so. However, your time is your own.

RE: Hikari and hubris.

I know, right? A seventeen year old thinking that they have the world all figured out certainly has _never_ led to terrible ends. The question some might have though is, how terrible will this end be?

RE: Shinji and his Aspects.

They needed their day in the limelight. They work hard, and deserved recognition.


	105. Chapter 105

+++++ 13th Angel + 8: Monday (88)

 _Suzi?_ Shinji sent the thought out as he stood near NERV.

 _Yes, dear heart?_ The reply was swift, _I am free, should you desire my company._

 _Suzuka_. The call brought his spear, and his Spear. The former looking far more powerful than when it had first arrived in his life, the latter holding a small paper bag. "Out doing some late night shopping?"

"Actually visiting one of my 'ears'. They asked me to take this, as a gift to you." Extending the sack, she smiled charmingly, "The woman has been something of an associate for over sixty years, and is rather excited that I know you. Her son is, to put it mildly, enamored with your very existence. She hopes that you might enjoy this," she watched as he slid the cookie out to admire it, "and possibly allow me to send a picture of you and I together for him to enjoy in return."

The artwork that was the baked sweet was phenomenal, showing a masterful touch in not only the mixture of the dough itself but the frosting upon it. Pulling out his camera, he snapped a photo of it to show everyone else, "Absolutely. I'd love to know how he managed to bake the cookie without ruining the design." Taking a bite, he tilted his head, "Very well balanced. Just a hint of sweet…honey, if I'm not wrong."

"He is, as my mother would say, 'touched'. His father kicked him in the head when he was younger, addling him." She held up a hand for patience, as she could see Shinji's anger grow, "My associate's first request, the one that brought her to my attention, was…appropriate punishment for her former partner's transgressions. She has spent the last thirty years caring for her son alone, and he has learned how to bake masterpieces."

"I'll autograph the picture, a nice note for him," Shinji enjoyed another bite of the treat. "But we must make it clear that he cannot show it around. I wouldn't want him to be in danger, for 'knowing' us."

"His mother agrees, and would thank you herself for thinking of him," standing on her toes, she pressed her lips to his, and touched her tongue inside of his mouth lightly. "It does taste good, doesn't it? I try to avoid such things, wasted calories as they are."

Breaking off a piece, he touched it to her lips in turn, "I seem to remember someone appearing to our fight with Ireul holding an iced coffee. I can't see much nutritional value in that." He couldn't hide his smile as she took his fingers into her mouth with the cookie, "I love you, little deer."

A light blush touched her cheeks as she released his hand, "Never has one who would partner with me ever called me that, either. Despite it being part of my name, they preferred to call me as things less…." Taking the empty bag from him, she deposited it in a nearby bin for recycling, "Regardless. They are the past, and you my future."

"Does it bother you?" Popping the last bit in his mouth, he offered her his arm to walk the rest of the way, "If you find it irritating, I'll just use your name."

"Do that, and I may have to beat you until you say it again," she eyed him sidelong as she took him up on his offer. "The word I was going to use, was 'cute'. Even when I was your age, I was termed 'statuesque', or 'sexy', or things more vulgar. Never once something so adorably charming as 'cute'." Turning back to their path, she smiled triumphantly, "Never underestimate the desire of a woman to feel as if she is dynamic. To be pigeonholed into one facet of our character, or thought of as inherently limited in our appeal, is painful."

"I will be guided by you, in this," Shinji intoned playfully. "Seeing as I have only known you near to three months, I must assume that the depths beyond the funny, courageous, intelligent woman I know hold many mysteries I must explore more fully. Four hundred years is a long time in which to acquire such things," bumping her with his hip he grinned, "I look forward to the next four hundred being spent discovering-"

 _Shinji!_ Lily's call broke his train of thought, _The Tower!_

No communication was necessary as both warriors broke into a sprint. Rounding the corner of a row of buildings, they could see the cause of their ally's call. Flames spiked high into the skies as the corpsman's home burned. Shinji turned to his living weapon and changed her course, "This could be a feint, go help Rose protect the house."

Her face was hard as she let him know without words that she only did as he asked because she loved him. Her place was at his side, though she knew that if needed he could summon her again. Turning effortlessly, she sped off back towards their home.

 _Matarael, Sachiel, do what you can._ His mind began thinking of the best uses for those under his control, _Lily, where are you?_

 _Dragging people out, exposing myself to everyone trying to help._ The Angel's voice was irritated, _We're going to have to answer a lot of questions, Lover, but I'm saving who I can. Please hurry._

Shinji could see the two Aspects he'd unleashed struggling to suppress the blaze that had overtaken the top half of the building. The flames seeming to push back against their efforts, confusing the Aspect of Water, _Matarael, what's happening?_ Leaping over the barricade at the checkpoint, Shinji landed on the inside of the gate and pushed closer.

 _The flames spread as we attempted to suppress them, Great One._ The insectoid had switched the liquid type to one not based on water, _We are working together to smother them one room at a time._

"Shinji," Akane waved him over as he reached the front of the tower, "don't you even think about it."

"Who is up there?" He wanted to run inside and check, though on the other hand if everyone was safe it would be dramatic, but pointless.

"We're not sure," Mikoto gripped his arm, trying to tether him with his own manners if nothing else.

"Lover," Lily appeared, shimmering into view nearby. Soot and smoke had stained her face, though anger dominated it, "You aren't going to like this."

" _Who is up there_?" The second time he asked the question made it clear that it was the last time he'd ask it before going up to find out himself.

"Dead people," she retorted. "They're human, unlike us. You add fire, they die. Now calm down and listen."

"Hey," Akane showed her loyalty and stepped between Shinji and Lily, "easy up there. You look like Rei-chan, but you don't act anything like her. Whatever the kid is, he's still human in here," she patted his chest blindly. "There's no need to be a bitch."

Shinji closed his eyes, his powerful rumble dimming as he felt the onset of despair, "Lily…who died?"

Her voice softened, her confidence that he was actually going to listen instead of react climbing higher, "Corpsman Kaz, Corpsman Green, Christie…and Noelle." She continued mentally, _I had to triage. I'm fast, but explosions are fast too. I was in with Idunn, I felt the ignition come from the room Noelle was in. I grabbed the injured, but with two arms I had to make choices and I had to make them quickly._

His mind clenched, his anger begging to find something or someone to end, "Who…how?" His left eye hurt, ached as if someone had gripped it and was squeezing the ichor from it, "No, not now." Pressing the palm of his hand over the orb, he felt the heat from the light that had begun to glow outwards sear him, "Survivors?"

"Agent Haraldson, Lieutenant Commander Chambers, Pilot Soryu, Captain Haraldson and his wife," Akane reported quietly. "Kid, who is this woman?"

"A part of me," Shinji stated the half-truth, his eye reducing to a dim pain as he drove his focus somewhere other than rage or agony. "We need to find out what happened." One of the names suddenly stuck out to him, "Wait…what was Christie doing in the tower?"

"Delivering meals," Mikoto stepped clear, reading his mood and hoping he would listen to reason. "She's been the one to bring food to Chambers-san when she's on shift. She'd also bring something for the corpsmen on duty from time to time. She'd ask if you were around, I think she might have wanted to talk to you but kept telling us not to tell you she'd asked."

"She also set Noelle's apartment on fire," he glowered back at the building. "Coincidence? Or just irony…."

+++++ 13th Angel + 9: Tuesday (89)

"They don't grant you rest, do they?" Jorth hurried over to embrace Shinji as soon as he reached the entrance of the tent holding the survivors of the fire. The holy woman's warmth wasn't dimmed in the slightest by her own grief, "Come, come. All three of your worries are side-by-side here. Sit with us and grieve." Inclining her head politely to Lily, she greeted her indifferently, "Mother of Night."

"Hello, daughter," a supposedly invisible Lily returned the greeting without much enthusiasm. "I'd ask that you limit your interactions with me. I'm hiding from the mortals."

Keeping Shinji in motion, she shrugged, "As you will."

The first thing Shinji noticed as he approached was that there was a great variety of color and quality to red hair. The variation wasn't subtle, either, as it held three distinct brands on each of the three women lying unconscious in bed before him. The second thing Shinji noticed was that Thor had joined them on a cot of his own, an oxygen mask tied to his face, "What happened?"

"My husband grabbed your fellow pilot, spying our guest bringing down his sister and your keeper of secrets," there was a hint of pride in her voice. "He charged into the room, despite the heat, and picked up the child. It was what he could do, and thus he did it." Moving over to her husband's side, she changed where her attention went. It wasn't that she was excluding Shinji, but that she understood he needed to share his thoughts among more than any one person.

 _Eve would have protected her,_ Lily sighed. _At least long enough for me to return. She's limited, as she is, but it would have been fine. I prioritized the unprotected._

"You did fine," Shinji replied quietly. "And she can hear you." Spying Temple eyeing him, he held up his hand and nodded his understanding. If he disturbed the stricken, he'd be ejected. "I'm sorry, Temple-san."

"You're fine, Paladin," finishing up the I.V. drip on Idunn, she walked over and kept her voice equally low. "You know well enough how to let people rest. You have every right to check in on your family and friends."

"That's not what I meant," his own tears were repressed deep. He also knew well enough where she kept her own, "And you know it."

"I'll let it out when you do," she sighed. "For now, we care for the living."

"…Fair enough. Is there anything I can do to help?" He knew the answer, but that didn't absolve him of the question.

"Thank the woman who saved my patients," patting his arm, she moved back to her work.

Holding his elbows, Shinji stood where his bulk wouldn't become an obstacle, _Am I so powerless? I can lift a tank, I can run faster than a car, I can summon water from nothing and bring lightning down from a clear blue sky…and yet I lied tonight. I can't protect anyone._

 _Lover, we still don't know what caused this. It might have been a total accident._ Lily moved between the women, lightly touching their heads and exuding an aura of some form, _Not everything is an assault. Not everything is a conspiracy._

 _This didn't happen last time, it happened this time. That alone makes it our fault, Lily._ He glared at her, _We changed things. Yes, some people's lives might be better. But that also means some might be worse, or not at all._

 _Accepting responsibility,_ a new voice stated in melancholy tones, _is a hallmark of a respectable leader._ Pulsing into existence, Eve sat at the edge of Asuka's bed. _I would say it is a pleasure to meet you, my dearest Shinji, were it under better circumstances._ With one knee primly crossed over the other, and her hair draped across one shoulder, the mother of the Aspects displayed graceful sorrow, _Please, accept my heartfelt condolences on the loss of your compatriots._

Shinji could feel an allure as he considered yet another perfectly proportioned woman, his body reacting in much the same way as it had around Ritsuko during Lily's test, just without the mental fog. _Eve, I presume._ _Do you know anything about what caused this?_ While his body might have once held him prisoner, he was no longer that boy. _Anything at all?_

 _Only that were I free to act, I might have helped prevent it._ Her eyes were wide, but free of the guile he might have expected from her tone, _Trapped as I am, I'm limited in what I can do. Lilith won't allow Asuka to wake up, because-_

 _Won't allow?_ Shinji sought out his benefactress, _Lily?_

 _If I let her wake up before her mind has had a chance to heal, we risk her sharing information with whoever programmed her to respond to their call._ Lily glared at Eve, while speaking still to her paramour, _You might remember how hard it was for Ritsuko Akagi to ignore my calls, do you really want Asuka to have to suffer through that?_

 _Oh pish-posh,_ Eve waved away the idea. _She's just worried that my dear, sweet, Asuka will seek you out for a bit of pleasure._

He frowned, _So you're saying that she kept Asuka unconscious because I might have been uncomfortable?_

 _Eve, stop helping._ Lily pointed to Asuka, _She was kept unconscious because she was the one responsible for the intelligence leaks that led to every single attempt on your life. It was her actions, not your decision to go to Ogawa, that led to this one,_ she pointed to Kelly, _losing her career. It was Toji Suzuhara's actions, not your inability to connect with this one,_ she pointed to Idunn, _that led to her nearly losing her life. It was_ Tabris _, not you, that started all of this nonsense with her,_ she pointed finally to Asuka. _Not everything is your fault, you irritating pile of insecurities._

 _Such a way to talk to your partner,_ Eve slid off the bed, crossing to Shinji's side. Hugging her body to his arm, she rested her head against his shoulder and faced Lily, _He grieves for the lost, Lilith. Unlike you, he has an emotional attachment to them. These were his people, burned alive. Show some sympathy…or at least some class._ Smiling up at Shinji, empathy and comfort pouring from her, Adam's former wife dropped the next bombshell, _You likely haven't even told him the truth of what you were doing when the fire started._

As Lily reached for Eve's throat, Shinji grabbed the Second Angel's wrist, _All right. Enough._ Throttling his anger, he separated the two antagonists. _Whatever Lily was doing, I doubt she would have willingly allowed the fire to happen. I don't need to know, because I don't need to know everything that the people I_ trust _are doing. If you two are going to fight, do it elsewhere. Right now…I need to contact Feelgood and arrange a funeral._

+++++ 13th Angel + 9: Tuesday (89)

Misato yawned, having been awoken and brought in to handle the event, "And you're positive?" It wasn't that she was unfocused, but she had only been asleep for a little more than a half of an hour, and the physical drag that took on her was worse than if she'd had no sleep at all.

"Temple agreed to external cameras in the common area, so long as they didn't record sound," Ritsuko herself was fighting sleep, but had hurried in to be of whatever help she might be for the man that held her shoulder with a giant, gentle, grip. "If we playback like…this," she brought up the file that would contain the last images of the top floor of the Tower. "Shinji, are you sure you want to see this?"

"I want it to be a lie," he squeezed her softly, remembering the words Feelgood had uttered. "What I want doesn't matter."

Tracking backwards from the point where the cameras failed due to heat, the quarter-blonde played the scene in reverse. The camera's angle only gave a view of the first portion of Noelle's room, but it was enough to see the events leading up to everything. Kaz held Green, dragging him backwards into the inferno that was Noelle's room. The two men fought briefly with the foot of the bed and the flames that worked down their body from the floor around them. Racing out backwards both men moved in the opposite direction of the flames, which were sucked into the room.

What Shinji saw next, after the brief delay of 'nothing happening', caused him to look down in shame and pain. Christie walked out of Noelle's room, looking towards the two corpsmen on duty as if she knew she wasn't supposed to be doing what she was doing. "Stop," he asked quietly. He had his answer.

"Intentional?" Misato boggled, she honestly couldn't see why as the energetic blonde had tried repeatedly to help the widow, "Did I miss something that might have led to multiple homicides?" Pulling her phone out, she started making calls, "I'm sure they've seen this, but if they haven't I need them to know."

Watching as their sub-commander walked away to the other side of the room to handle business, Ritsuko shut off the screen and stood to face Shinji, "I know it doesn't help, nothing really can after losing friends…."

Observing the woman he'd first known to be cold, dispassionate, wholly consumed by logic and facts, now struggle in an effort to comfort him, Shinji swallowed back the tears that wanted to fall free and subsumed her in an enormous hug, "Thank you." There was warmth there, hidden under the austere emerald-eyed gaze. Strength, hope, confidence. With her holding him, he once more remembered an offer of dinner, of tutelage, of helping him reach as far as he would. _How much do I stand to lose?_ "I…." _Leaders take responsibility._ "I think I made a terrible decision. I think I need to reconsider what I've allowed to happen."

"Not when you're grieving, you don't," Ritsuko shook her head firmly, pressing herself back and eyeing him. "Decisions wrought from grief only welcome it deeper into your life. I'm not going to give you petty banalities about blame, or say that you couldn't have done anything. That's nonsense. Every decision we make impacts every reaction that follows. It's true in physics, and it's true in life." When he went to speak, she poked him in the side, "Don't interrupt your sensei. Just because you _could_ have done something different, doesn't mean you _should_ have done something different. You may be powerful, you may have some foreknowledge, but there is no sentient being that can account for every factor in the entire cosmos. You'd have to go crazy seeing all of that, especially since one small change impacts everything else!"

"Rits," he smiled, the memory of the exact same type of speech having been given to him by many different women he trusted reminding him that there was still good in the world, "I know. I've tried to push people away, instead of letting them love me. I…I hope Noelle knew I loved her. But if I had _let her know_ , if I had held her close and said I didn't want her to leave. If I had asked after her instead of trusting her to come to me…." His smile wavered, held in place by hope alone, "Would I be aching with as much regret as I have right now?" Swallowing back tears again, he bent down and lifted her from the ground with ease. Holding her at eye level, he smiled the warm, hope-filled smile he gave her before life slapped them both, "I love you, Ritsuko Akagi. I love you for what you've done to help me, to help Maya, to help the world. If this…tonight, was you and not Noelle…. I would be just as heartbroken. Please, I want you to be a part of my life, if even just as a wonderful friend. I want you to share my happiness, so that…so…I am eternal. You…."

"…Are not," she reached out, cupping his cheeks. "Why don't we go swimming, soon? Me, you, and Maya. I owe you some lessons, and she owes me an explanation of what happened the last time we dealt with a Dirac Sea." Her return smile was understanding, "At least I know now why she knew you'd come back."

"I'd like that," he pulled her close, hugging her to him. "Whatever becomes of it, I'd like to know that I didn't leave things undone."

+++++ 13th Angel + 9: Tuesday (89)

"She's…dead?" Hikari sat heavily on the couch, staring blankly at Suzuka, "How?"

"There was a fire; the Tower, as they called it, is lost." She could sense the pain Shinji was feeling from the distance between them, and she stayed put only through love and loyalty, "I do not know more of the details, only that it is likely he will require some additional comfort. He is putting up a solid effort at hiding his grief, if for the moment."

Maya came hurrying out of the bedroom she shared with her spouses, speaking on the phone, "I'm coming in now. Just keep him occupied until I get there." Terminating the call, she paused at the end of the couch and seemed to collapse in on herself for one, vulnerable, moment, "He's going to be very, very angry with me." Taking a deep breath, she resumed her professional bearing, "I love you both, and I'll do what I can to keep you in the loop." With that, and without waiting for a response, she was out the door and gone.

"I didn't see this happening," Hikari looked to the woman she'd long admired, lost. "Not one of the near futures saw us dealing with this. How could I not see something like this? Good or bad, you would think someone he loves _dying_ would register with me."

"I do not know how many times I must tell you to not rely overmuch on your sight," Suzuka's face was flat as she considered the would-be oracle. "You risk being blind to the here and now, to say nothing of what slavish devotions to a timeline not yet born will cost you. Infinite ends with finite time to consider them, you pluck at the prettiest data as if taking cherries from a tree. That you still have a husband is a mark of his affection for you, for I would have told you to stop attempting to drive me towards your preferred world like some daft oxen the instant you began doing so."

Surprised by the vehemence of the statement more than the content, Hikari realized the truth hidden beneath the words, "She's dead." Tears pooled at the base of her eyes, "She's really dead." Willowy arms encircled her as she began to cry, comforting her with their gentle embrace.

"Life will continue, little one," Suzuka was glad that she hadn't needed to become harsher to start the process of letting go. "Others will need our strength soon, and we must lament the loss of a good woman taken from us too soon before we can give it to them."

+++++ 13th Angel + 9: Tuesday (89)

"It's bullshit," Feelgood sighed, sitting next to Shinji across from Vidar and Jorth in the cafeteria. "The corpsmen are any number of things, but they are _not_ inattentive to safety. If there was a problem with the gear, they'd have been on that like a pretty girl on Paladin."

"Oxygen is highly flammable," Shinji ventured, not disagreeing with the actual hotshot pilot. "Though the question remains, why would Christie-san do it? What possible reason would she have to want to kill…."

"If I understood why women do what they do, I would have a wife instead of a string of dating horror stories," the man snorted, angry. "This is probably just going to be one of those mysteries that we never understand, and at the risk of overusing the word, it's bullshit."

"…Shinji?" Maya's voice drew all four people's attention, and prompted various reactions from the table. Jorth and Vidar looked on her with sympathy and shared loss, they knew well enough from Noelle herself that all three spouses had welcomed her into their home with open arms. Feelgood was frustrated, as the gathering had been intended to be 'family', and Jorth was a rated pilot as a hobbyist. Her husband, however, was the reaction that surprised her.

Standing, he walked over, knelt down, and hugged her close to him. He had no words for her, not at that moment. He knew as well as she did what they might have prevented by following through with his plan instead of allowing him to be talked out of it. What he hoped to convey through affection, not trusting diction to accomplish the task, was that regret was a vile poison that would kill them both if he allowed it to do so. His moment of clarity with Ritsuko earlier had set his course, and now he had to deal with the price of the lesson.

"Come sit with us, child," Jorth patted the table. "You can lock it down, Feelgood. This is Paladin's woman, and if the world had been less cruel she might have been Raffle's woman too." The matriarch of The Damned was backed by her husband's nod, as Maya helped Shinji regain his footing and move back towards the table, "We were just discussing how we may never know why things happened as they did."

"Christie-san," Shinji cleared his throat, his emotions still clamoring for release, "uhm…Christie-san was the last person to enter Raffle's room. Later, I'm sure you can…you can ask Rits to show you." The visual of two good men burning to death caused him to wince again, "Though I'd recommend not."

"The Sub-Commander has the UNIGC helping Section Two investigate," Maya offered quietly. She knew she was an outsider, but she didn't want to take her husband away from the group as they were likely the best people to help him begin to process the loss. "They'll trace her actions back as far as they can, we might get some idea from there."

"I've already given them the go-ahead to look through my place," Feelgood shrugged. "What little she had, at least, is in the spare bedroom."

"Akane or Mikoto will be doing the same at our house," she rubbed Shinji's arm. "I know you're already digging through your memory for anything that might have been said, Pup, but everyone will need to talk to them. Even the most innocuous things can lead to answers when put together with other facts."

"Yeah…yeah…." Shinji nodded, "I trust them to be gentle with Rainbow. What, uh…." Facing the superior of the woman he'd allowed to die, he asked the question that needed asking, "Who do I give her belongings to?"

"That's covered in her will," Feelgood shook his head. "I haven't looked at the most recent copy. We all updated them after Toggle and Glitch, seemed as good a time as any to take stock." His lip curled up slightly as he asked the reciprocal question, "Is yours up to date? Little Bit there needs to know what you want done with everything, and Light deserves the same consideration."

"Yeah," he nodded again. "Pretty simple. My cello goes to Hikari, my scrapbook goes to Maya, my knife is placed wherever what remains of my corpse goes, my money is split between everyone living in my house evenly." He shrugged, snorting a laugh, "When you don't own anything, it makes disposing of it pretty easy."

"I'm sure you have more than…." Jorth cut off as Maya shook her head slowly, "He's wearing clothes, child. He must own things beyond a book of memories and a cello."

"He doesn't, he's actually gotten rid of things since he arrived," Shinji's wife shrugged, in an imitation of her husband. "He buys things for others, he bought things for Noelle as soon as she moved in. Everything in the house, by his own declaration, belongs either to everyone in the house or someone else. His clothing is constantly too small, and we no sooner purchase new clothing than we have to put it back out for donation. He borrows these," she pulled his ponytail to the side, showing the ribbons holding it in place, "the ones he's wearing now are from Sakura-chan. Of any habit of his I think I'll never break, it's the habit of being able to pack everything he owns into an instrument case and a backpack so that he…." She cut off, hugging his arm tight. She didn't want to imagine him leaving, not for any reason.

"Seventeen years old," Thor murmured, "and he already understands the hardest lesson a warrior must learn."

"Where we lay our head is home," Feelgood blew out a breath explosively, skipping a bit of the altered quote. "Our bodies lie, but still we roam."

+++++ 13th Angel + 9: Tuesday (89)

Shinji and Maya walked into the medical triage tent, now far emptier as both Idunn and Asuka had recently been moved to secure labs with aggressively strict admission policies. The gentle giant and his diminutive damsel had, after a brief consultation, agreed that regardless of what she chose to do afterwards, Kelly deserved more company than she'd had of late. Holding the flap open for Maya, and letting it close behind them, he warmed inside as the lithe runner smiled at him with sympathy.

"I may not have known her for very long, sir," she began without preamble, "but she seemed like a good, solid, woman. Knew her duty, and watched your six without complaint while we were on our way here. Nobody deserves that kind of death, but she deserved it far less than most."

"I miss her already," he replied solemnly. Thinking through their previous conversations, he began with a question he hoped would frame the entire debate, "Still on narcotics?"

Her smile never wavered, though the song her soul emitted hardened, "Sir, you're in the middle of grieving for a woman you loved. Even if you only loved her as a close friend. If you think you're sending me away right now, I'm going to spill your anniversary plans to your wife."

"At ease, Lieutenant Commander," Maya ordered softly. She'd set the expectations, wanting to allow everyone that could the chance to escape the madness that was Shinji's life. There was nothing tying Kelly to them but Kelly's own decisions, and loyalty had to be a two-way street. "He's actually signaling the opposite." She smiled wanly, "So please don't spoil what he's going to do for our anniversary. I'm sure he's working very hard on it."

The naval officer's eyes flicked between the two, "The opposite?"

Walking over to stand near her head, he took her hand in his, and nodded, "Kelly Chambers, I love you. If I had lost you last night, and not Noelle, I would be no less pained. You, as much as she, are irreplaceable. I can't ask Idunn or Asuka to move in, I can't offer what protection I have to them, I won't make their decisions for them." He bobbed his head side to side a few times, hoping that she'd pick up the point.

"…My Catholic upbringing is horrified at hearing a man say he loves me in front of his wife," she began. "Then again…there's a reason I left home." Squeezing his hand, she reached for Maya with the opposing appendage, "I need to hear the offer from you too, ma'am. This is your home as well, and I know full well you'd let him make any decision he wants. I'll not go where I'm not welcome."

Moving to take her place at the other side of the bed, Maya shook her head, "We discussed it on the way over here. My advice to you was predicated on just this very event. People around us _will_ die. There is a level of madness happening that, should you take us up on our offer, you will be brought up to speed on. But when that happens…there is a protection in not knowing, in Japanese mythologies. If you _can't_ see them, they ignore you. Once they know you can see them, you aren't as powerful as they are. You will _never_ be as powerful as they are."

"They're there whether I believe in them or not," Kelly shrugged. "Am I welcome in your house?"

Her response was firm, "You always have been."

"I guess it's a good thing you made certain it was wheelchair accessible." One corner of her mouth curled up, "Let's get going, then. I'm assuming the wake will be at your house soon?"

"Our, not my," Shinji corrected gently. "I don't intend this to be anything but your home, for as long as you want it to be."

+++++ 13th Angel + 9: Tuesday (89)

Kodama was standing in the doorway as the JSSDF medical transport pulled up. Watching Shinji climb out of the vehicle was something like watching her father shift his bulk free of Nozomi's desks at her elementary school, and the pang of loss reverberated with the more recent losses. Hurrying over, she jumped into his arms, hugging his neck tight, "We're here for you, Baby. You're not alone in this. I swear, you'll never be alone."

"Thank you," breathing in deep of her scent, he pressed a kiss into the space between her neck and shoulder. "I love you, Kodama. I can't ever say it enough." Reluctantly setting her down, he looked between her eyes, "I want you to tell me what you want. Marriage, kids, pets, whatever…people's futures keep being stolen, and I sat on my thumbs as if I had all the time in the world to figure things out."

Recognizing both grief and anxiety, Kodama acknowledged his request without feeding the negative emotions, "I don't want a ceremony. I just want a paper with our signatures, and to hear you love me every morning for the rest of my life." Spying motion behind him, she turned him to move towards her new patient, "I'll get the paper, we'll go shopping for a ring together after everything is over. I don't need a ring before the paper is signed. I just want to be Kodama Ikari." Hurrying ahead, she moved alongside the medic that was hanging Kelly's I.V. bag back on the stand attached to the bed, "Hi, Nurse Ikari. You are?"

Helping Maya out of the transport, Shinji tried to stay out of everyone's way as they moved towards the house, "Rei's dead."

The statement, as out of nowhere as it sounded, made a grim sense to Maya. His emotions had been deadened after the last fight, had been already traumatized when Toshiro had died, and now that he'd lost someone else who'd fought for him, his mind would naturally dredge similar experiences up in an effort to survive. "Life has been unkind, of late." Walking him slowly towards the house, anticipating a bit of a logjam and using it as cover for what she was doing, she kept his arm in her grasp, "We keep losing wonderful people."

"I don't blame you, for Toji-san," he looked down at her, frowning as he thought through his words. "My father ordered you to do it. If you hadn't, you would have been fired. Possibly killed. I don't blame you for Rei. You did what you could, you tried everything you could." Shaking his head, he turned back to the house, "I don't blame you for this, either. Act, don't act, life will find a way to kick me in the teeth if it wants to. So…I'm going to act."

It did her heart a world of good to hear the honesty in his voice as he allayed her fears that he would be angered that she and Kaz had convinced him not to move everyone out. "Hopefully you will still take repercussions into consideration," she could admire his convictions, but was reasonably worried about the end result. "You know how I feel, Shinji."

"I'm not asking for permission, I know," his eyes flicked around the building as songs changed and adapted to a new presence. "I'm also going to take advice from Ritsuko here, and try not to make any decisions out of grief." Standing in the doorway, he ushered her past him, "Rei didn't know how I felt, because I didn't make up my mind. Noelle and I danced around everything, though she knew…I hope she knew I cared about her. Toshiro and I never had a chance to develop as a family. How many more regrets should I let settle on my shoulders, Maya?"

"So you want to be more open with the women in your life?" She left the question ambiguous, intentionally.

"No." He smiled, pain suffused throughout his countenance, "I want to close the loop."

+++++ 13th Angel + 9: Tuesday (89)

"I think it will work," Hikari stood in the bedroom she shared with her spouses, going through the few music discs she had gathered so that their new houseguest had something to listen to for a few days while her possessions were packed by the Shirakami. "I also think you made a very good decision in pushing this, my love." She flashed him the smile he loved most, "This whole situation is terrible, and we have to make the best of everything."

"I'm glad you agree," he knew the smile he returned was filled with sorrow. "Because I'm going to do what I have to."

Slipping the disc she held back into its sleeve cautiously, she let her smile fade, "That sounded mildly ominous."

"No one else." Clasping his hands before him, a position he knew reduced the degree to which he looked frightening, he set down the main point of his contention, "Those we have gathered in this house, and those who have already made their intentions clear to me. Not. One. More." His heart was strangely calm as he defied his wife's plans, which only fed his confidence that he was finally making the right decision. He had felt the same way the day he included Maya, and the day he'd decided to accept Kodama's love. His heart knew. He had to trust it did. "I will not, I _can_ not, continue to accept women into my life."

Suzuka's words echoed in her mind, "I…I can't guarantee…."

"Anything." Shinji shrugged, "Your visions, Nozomi's visions, Kodama's visions? They're imperfect. Because you're human." His eyes shone with happiness for a brief instant as he considered her, "You're my beautiful, shining, _human_ , love." Spreading his fingers slightly as they remained intertwined, he pressed on, "Rits said to me today that it's impossible for a sentient being to consider all ends, and that any action taken will change every reaction possible. It's basic quantum mechanics, and even if certain things are predetermined, as shown in your visions, the routes to get to them have to be malleable enough to allow for us to make choices. Otherwise, you'd only ever see one future."

"What if things continue to get worse?" Her confidence in her capability hadn't waned, just her current accuracy, "What if adding one more woman would truly make a difference?"

Looking down at his hands, he asked the question that had been swirling around his head when he was speaking to Maya earlier, "How many more women do I have to watch die before I'll be happy?" He kept his eyes averted, "How many more women do you need to put between us, before you're happy?"

"But you love them," she stepped closer, forcing him to see her. "You love Kodama. You love Suzuka."

He couldn't deny the truth, "Not as much as you…as terrible as that is to say."

"You love Yang, I know you do." She lightly touched his chin, pushing his eyes to hers, "I see you love them all, Shinji. Your Aspects, Rose, Lily, _all of them_."

He let her see the truth in his eyes, "I'd give them all up…for you."

"Then love them, _for me_." She could see the need to sacrifice winning in him, "In exchange…I will accept your limit. Who, outside of this house, has made their intentions clear? So I know who I will love, and who else will never know the love of the best man on Earth."

+++++ 13th Angel + 9: Tuesday (89)

Following a day of speaking with everyone in his house, of assuring himself that he was right in what he was planning, Shinji still had not truly released his grief. He knew he hadn't, and likely would not, and accepted that as the cost of being who he was. It'd build, until it burst, and then he'd find Hikari and let her hold him as he cursed his fate to an uncaring universe. He'd told each of the women present that he loved them. He'd made the words distinct, and meaningful. When they died, not if, they would die with the knowledge that the man they claimed to love returned their feelings. Felt them genuine, worth accepting.

Walking towards Sergeant Yokawa, Shinji saluted the man with as much enthusiasm as he could muster, considering, "Good evening, Sergeant. Would you do me a favor?"

"Absolutely, sir," the man hurried out of his post and waited for direction. His supervisor had recently reviewed his service record and given him a glowing evaluation. Commenting, specifically, on how Shinji frequented his post despite there being two closer to where he lived, and that whatever he was doing needed to continue.

Shinji held up his hand, asking for patience, "Could you contact your supervisor? I'd like to have a word with them." He smiled, his sorrow clear, "It's nothing bad. I'd like to put in a good word for you, considering how hard I see you working."

"That's…that's really not necessary," there was a line separating everything proper from everything improper in his mind. This was 'improper' by a large margin, to accept praise of that sort.

"I often do things that aren't necessary," Shinji shrugged. "I'd really rather not have to ask Lieutenant Commander Chambers to track down your supervisor so I can do it in person. I'm…a little busy of late."

"If…uh," he couldn't stop him from doing that. If the man responsible for the world spinning said he would do something, that was what happened. Everyone knew that, it was spoken of at every watercooler on base. "If you want, sir." Lifting the direct line to his overwatch, he braced himself for trouble. "Overwatch, this is Guard Post Charlie Six Two. Lead Pilot Ikari has asked to speak to Captain Ayato." Nodding, he waited for a moment, then spoke again, "Captain? Yes sir. I am handing you over now, sir."

Accepting the phone, Shinji leaned down to not yank on the cord, "Hello, Captain Ayato? Thank you for taking a moment to speak with me. I know how busy you all are."

The man in charge of the outposts was stiffly professional, "It is no problem, sir. What can we do for you? Not having problems, are we?"

"Rather the opposite," he looked to the camera and held up a thumb. "Sergeant Yokawa has always maintained his position with care, demonstrated both kindness and integrity in his duty, and never once allowed me to pass without inspection. I _laud_ him for that. Everyone knows who I am, but that doesn't matter. If everyone did what Sergeant Yokawa has done, I know we would be even safer. Please, work through the appropriate channels to reward him for superior service, if you would. Lieutenant Commander Chambers will be back online in a few days and will coordinate an appropriate statement from me to accompany whatever you feel justified."

The man, somehow, stiffened even more, "With all due haste, sir. We are all proud of Sergeant Yokawa's devotion to duty, here." Unknown to either Shinji or the poor Sergeant, the Sergeant was now going to be responsible for training everyone to perform their duty with the same degree of scrutiny he himself provided. Such was what Lieutenants were meant to do.

"Thank you. I'll hand you back to the Sergeant now. I need to meet the Sub-Commander before she gets too much busier," handing the device back to the stunned NCO, Shinji clapped him gently on the shoulder. "Thank you, Sergeant. For everything." Leaving the post and continuing onward, he shoved his hands in his pockets and forced back the tears once more. It was a terrible day. Horrible. His life continued to dim, his eye hurt more than it had in the morning, but he would be _damned_ if he didn't do what he could to punch life in the gut for what it had done. If it wanted to take, then he'd just give more. He'd give until he bled, and then he'd give more.

+++++ 13th Angel + 9: Tuesday (89)

When Shinji reached the bridge, where Misato had been running spot-checks on several systems in coordination with various combinations of teams, he motioned for the Section Two agent who had noticed him to remain silent. He recognized this Misato; this was the Misato that buried her emotions beneath work. That wanted nothing more than to forget about everything and anything 'human' in favor of becoming a more perfect machine. That had ignored two young teens in desperate need of a steadying influence, a _stabilizing_ influence.

Crossing quietly where she wouldn't see him, he watched the staff working as hard as they could to keep up with her commands. The simulation they were fighting against was brutal. A multi-prong attack by Angels, a critical error in the MAGI nodes, and the Air Defense Network having to assist in repelling an assault by human forces. The likelihood of such a series of events was insignificantly minor, but Misato would not accept anything less than total readiness. If they could handle the chaos she'd conjured well enough, they'd overcome a basic assault with ease.

"…there, Makoto-kun. The response from sector seven is unacceptable. Lieutenant Colonel Ikari is not here to cover for you anymore. Get your nose out of the hentai and into a god damn MAGI code book." Pointing directly at Shinji, despite never once turning her head towards him, she lifted the same finger and wagged it. She was busy, she would be right with him. "Thirteen seconds to breach, why haven't you informed Paladin of the flanking force? I am incapacitated, I can't talk to him while I'm unconscious. Who's next man up?" Pressing the button on her console, she flipped all the screens to a red 'FAILURE', "Nobody took responsibility for the fire suppression systems. With them offline, we just lost the MAGI cores. Congratulations, kids. You survived three whole hours, I hope your families appreciate your complaints of 'too hard' when the Angels destroy the planet."

Having seen the simulation's objectives, Shinji stepped up to the console next to the woman that had a massively tangled bundle of titles in his mind and addressed the assembled crew, "Toshio-san, the suppression systems would fall under your purview in this situation. The loyal JSSDF forces and Section Two staff can operate for a limited time without accurate camera feeds. They are trained to adapt to worsening situations and overcome them. Makoto-san, you needed to find the root of the attack, instead of treating the symptoms. The MAGI are self-healing, as Doctor Akagi has done impressive upgrades, all of which were in the patch notes I think more people ought to read. Shigeru-san, in this situation I would need you to step up to where the Sub-Commander is. I trust you the most, out of everyone here, to feed me accurate intel. I know it isn't your duty, as you are responsible for Operations and not Tactical, but I think it is _everyone's_ duty to rise to the occasion. You have seniority, of everyone here, and you know how I think better than most."

"He isn't even trained for this, folks," Misato leaned over her computer screen to glare at everyone. "He walked onto the bridge sixteen minutes ago, assessed the situation, and every single one of his recommendations is what each of you should have been thinking of. You are _command staff_ ; you need to adapt to the situation or you need to quit so I can find someone who doesn't need their damn hand held. Everyone owes me a report on how they could have performed better, I want it tomorrow morning. Resume normal operations." Turning to face away from her crew, she muttered, "Complacent. All of them."

"Let's go order that pizza," Shinji's tone was just shy of an order as he tilted his head towards the door. "I promised you tonight, and you promised that you'd make yourself free."

A hint of pain flashed across her eyes, "I don't know that tonight's the best-"

"I do," he cut in. "I have said what I needed to say to each and every conscious person I needed to say it to. From Nicolette to Hikari. The only person I haven't, is currently trying to bury herself in work to avoid dealing with the uncomfortable reality that we lost a good friend needlessly. Again." Leaning down, he eyed her sideways, "If I have to carry you off the bridge, I'll do it."

"I could order you not to," she raised her eyebrow.

Shinji met her glare with indifference, "I could go to your supervisor and call in any of roughly a million favors he owes me by now." Leaning in, he lowered his voice, "Misato Katsuragi, the one I lived with, avoided us constantly. Just. Like. This." He stood back upright, "I've begun to much prefer the Misato before me to the one that wouldn't ever come to me when she was hurting. Please, don't make me force this."

"You can't tell me you're not hurting too, Shinji," she softened her glare. "I'm not the right person to comfort you."

"Says who?" Offering her his elbow, he gave her the sad, warm, smile he'd used all day, "Perhaps, Misa-chan, we're the right people to comfort each other."

+++++ 13th Angel + 9: Tuesday (89)

Reaching Misato's apartment at the same time as the pizza delivery man, Shinji had a brief moment of pity for someone who'd clearly become infatuated with his former guardian. He'd seen the man more than once in the other timeline, always with a 'discount' for the woman that wouldn't ever give him more than a glimpse of cleavage and a wink, and knew the man stood no chance on any Earth with the real woman beneath the playful exterior. As the man took note of Shinji, he could see the hope die within him that he'd see something 'wonderful' this evening.

"Excuse me," the towering Third Child asked politely, "I don't have anything smaller than this." Pulling out a note that was easily seventy times more than the total bill, he passed it over with a bow. "Please, apologize to your manager for my poor manners, and ask that they perhaps consider splitting the excess between the night's employees." Knowing fully well that the restaurant was family-owned, Shinji trusted that his generosity would be accepted in the spirit it was given, despite the potential interpretation that he felt nobody was being paid fairly.

"Oh, man, I…uh," blushing, he took the note and scrubbed at his head, "I'll make sure and let my mother know, Ikari-san." Bowing quickly, he hurried off to his moped, not wanting to be hanging around with a hundred thousand yen note in his possession.

Holding the box, Misato opened the door and sighed, "I could have paid him, Shinji." Walking in, she ignored formality, still ill-content at having been 'bullied' into the evening.

"I'm home," Shinji called firmly, causing her to freeze at the junction between the hallway and kitchen. Stepping in, he let the door close and removed his shoes, "I see you've kept up cleaning. That's good." Breezing past her, he took the box and walked to the table, setting it down and moving to the cupboards, "Where…is the alcohol?"

"I stopped drinking," taking off her jacket, she hung it on the wall. "Got rid of all of it, so that I wouldn't be tempted to go back."

"…Huh." Revising his plans, he turned to consider her, "Cold turkey? No cheat days?"

Her eyebrow rose again, "Normally people are happy when someone gives up drinking."

"Normally people don't travel through time and find themselves in a situation where they wanted to drink in memory of someone they'd never met the first time, with someone they loved but could never admit it to," he bunched his lips off to the side, thinking. "Toasting Noelle with tea seems…unfitting."

Watching as he looked around, Misato blinked, "Come again?"

"Isn't that what friends of the deceased do?" He caught sight of a glimmer and moved towards the cabinet, "Have a drink, to remember and celebrate the life of someone they've lost."

"I…you said I abused you, Shinji." Catching sight of the bottle she'd forgotten about as he pulled it down, she walked over to take it away, "Whatever you felt, it wasn't love."

"No, it was," holding the chance at keeping his plan intact out of her reach, he frowned at her. "You don't tell me how I feel. You don't have that right. Just like I don't have the right to tell you how you feel."

She reached higher, displaying her innate grace as she balanced on the tips of her toes, scowling, "Shinji, I'm not telling you how you feel, I'm telling you that people who have been abused by someone to the degree that according to not only you, but Maya and Lily, have told me that I have can feel that empathizing and-"

"I'm aware of Stockholm Syndrome, Misato," bending down, while keeping the bottle out of her reach, he kissed her suddenly. Holding the kiss for a three count, he stood back up, "You aren't her."

"I could have been," giving up on taking back the bottle, she dropped to her heels, "I let you go right back into the closet." She gestured to what she felt was Rei's room, "I had that room all set up, but I didn't say a single thing that night. I didn't engage when I saw a young man hurting badly. I was so surprised that you _were_ crying, that didn't stop to ask you _why_ you were crying. I gave away a perfect chance at-" Her teeth clacked shut, and she turned away.

Setting down the bottle on the table, he dropped to one knee and hugged her from behind, "You were here for Rei." Pressing her back against his chest, he let her feel the joy he had at knowing she'd changed, "When I needed you, you were there for me. I remember the Sixth Angel, Misato. I remember you not letting me shut everyone out. I remember you being there when the man you loved, the man who never told you that he loved you in return, killed himself. During what had to have been a moment that will haunt you for the rest of your life, you prioritized me. You are not the Misato Katsuragi I knew."

"I'm not as good as you think I am," her voice had pitched to a monotone. A detached, cold, wisp of her exterior personality, "I see you looking at me like I'm a good woman. Kind. Supportive. …Clean. I'm not, Shinji. I didn't keep you from shutting anyone out, Noelle did." Heat grew into her tone, "I didn't lay down with you to let you hold me as you tried to sleep, Noelle did." She began to quake with inwardly directed anger, "I ran away. I went to talk to _Asuka_. She hadn't seen what you saw. She hadn't done what you'd done. She kicked you out. She demanded you not be let in to see her. It wasn't me, Shinji," turning to grab the bottle, she went to heave it across the apartment, " _it was Noelle!_ "

Proving his reflexes had finally improved with his speed, Shinji moved before her and caught the bottle as it left her hand, "Please don't." He was calm, now that he had someone to comfort. His inner turmoil was, once again, tucked safely away so that he could do what he'd come to love. Setting the bottle back down by the pizza, he smiled weakly, "I really do want to toast the fallen with the one woman I think might understand best what she meant to me. Especially since I love you just as much."

Misato slapped the table, "Are you not listening to me?!"

"I am," shifting the bottle to where he felt she'd need to stretch to seize it again, he moved to grab some glasses. "I am listening to you berate yourself for being human. For suffering. For not having someone there to lean on for over half your life." Taking two tumblers from the cabinet, he turned around, "I'm listening to you be me."

The balloon that was her anger deflated as quickly as it had swelled. "Please…don't look at me like that."

"You are worthy of my love, Misato." Setting down the glasses by the bottle, he looked at the label, "Whiskey."

Her eyes fell to the table, "I'm not-"

"You are worthy of my love, Misato." He poured out more than one should into each glass, his desire to make certain that there was enough to toast properly with combining with his inexperience in serving alcohol.

She shook her head, "I'm dirty, Shinji."

"You are worthy of my love, Misato." Walking calmly around the table, he picked her up and set her on the counter, hugging her again, "You are worthy of _everyone's_ love."

Her hands twitched as she struggled against giving in, "I…."

"I want this evening, Misato." He ran his fingers through her hair, the way he knew he himself enjoyed, "I want to put the past where it belongs. I want to be understood, and I want to understand. I want to hold you, the way that I once wished you would hold me. You mean more to me than you know, and I love you…flaws and all."

Hearing the truth in Shinji's words, as he said in full sincerity the things she never expected to hear from anyone, she gripped his shirt and pulled him closer. Wrapping her legs around his, she clutched him to her and let everything else go. For one evening, she could be weak. For one night, she could lower her guard. For _him_ , she could do anything.

+++++ 13th Angel + 9: Tuesday (89)

"She's rather insistent." Philip could hear the concern coming from the Japanese man on the other end of the line, "The scene, as she described it, was rather disturbing. We have asked that the local police keep us appraised of what they find, but so far the only information we have is from this Seong-san. She refuses to speak to anyone but Ikari-san, says that she'll be killed if she doesn't do exactly what she's told."

"I see." Rubbing his temples, the elder officer wondered just how likely it was that something else terrible was about to happen, "Is she requesting asylum?"

"The consulate offered unqualified protection, and she refused it." He sounded perplexed, "She insists that the only way she'll live is if she meets Ikari-san in person."

"Thank you, Agent Takahara. Keep me informed. I'll discuss her request with the leadership here and get back to you as soon as I can." Hanging up, he looked between Gendo and Kozo, "Opinions?"

"Bring her here," Gendo shrugged. "There are enough ways we can control any potential exposure. Use an off-site interrogation room, bring Shinji in so that she can see him, have her say what she needs to say through a reinforced glass wall."

"If she worked with, or for, a SEELE councilmember, she would have invaluable intelligence," Kozo agreed. "If this was Perfume, she may have seen them and we learn that Perfume and SEELE aren't cooperating. If it wasn't, we have a new concern. Either way, we prepare Shinji beforehand. Tell him that the young woman is a victim, but was working with the people that have tormented us. Get him to understand that he needs to accept that she will possibly be punished, but we will work to keep her safe so long as she hasn't committed unforgivable crimes."

"Shinji will insist we protect her," Philip mused. "Forgiveness is a feature of his that seems to have few limits."

+++++ 13th Angel + 9: Tuesday (89)

"It was rough," Shinji smiled, the memory of him and Asuka dancing on the mats seeming so odd with the perspective distance provided. "I wasn't as fast, as talented, as nimble. She set the pace, and if I couldn't keep up that was on me, not her."

Misato nibbled on a piece of crust, "I let her do that?"

"No, actually," he laughed. "After Rei, Hikari, Toji, and Kensuke showed up, you asked Rei to partner with me. Rei and I matched flawlessly. She kept up with me beat for beat, never once moving faster or slower. It embarrassed Asuka, and she ran off." His smile faded, "Hikari then yelled at me to go after her, because it was my fault that she was crying." Pressing his thumbs into a stubborn spot on Misato's foot, he shrugged, "Nobody was nice to me, really. It wasn't limited to any one person."

"This Kensuke Aida was using you for information on Eva. Toji Suzuhara was trying to get nude pictures of me and Asuka. Hikari ignored you and took Asuka's side. Asuka constantly called you a pervert, despite you being anything but. Rei either ignored you or slapped you for telling her that your father had pushed you away to live in hell. Ritsuko treated you like a lab rat. And I…I wasn't here." Tossing aside the pizza bone, she flopped back and buried her eyes under her arm, "The only person that tried, was punished in front of everyone for trying. Only Maya has any claim to being a good person in both timelines."

"Kensuke was, and is, an otaku. He can't help but be enthusiastic about a subject he's fascinated by. Toji…was Toji. We were his punching bags, but nobody else's. He'd defend us against bullies. Hikari was younger, and interested in Toji. Rei, even in this timeline, had never been socialized properly. Ritsuko, you, everyone at NERV was under strict orders to not treat me well. I was to be dependent on father for everything." He shrugged, "My life was never meant to be happy. Ask Lily, she'll tell you that not one single timeline ever included me being truly happy."

Peering out from under her arm, she frowned, "But…you're happy now, aren't you? I mean…aside from recent…."

"Am I?" He looked out towards a horizon only he could see, "Or am I just making the best of what I have?"

"Shinji, if you're unhappy, you need to talk to…." Misato froze as his hand shifted to begin massaging her calf.

"I talk to people." Her leg was well-toned, her flesh smooth, "I'm not sure they always _hear_ , but they do _listen_. Maya, I think, is probably the only one that always hears what I have to say. She's very good at it. But, then again, she's a female me. Abuses herself, takes on everyone else's burdens, isn't afraid of suffering if it means someone she cares about will be happy." He knew the woman in his care was opening up beyond her comfort zone, and so he forced himself to reciprocate, "She only asks me for certain things that I'm uncomfortable with, and I'm only uncomfortable because it involves causing her physical pain."

She knew her pulse was rising, "Is…she asking you to dom?"

"No, not yet." He shook his head, his hair flowing after he'd pulled the ribbon from it, "She won't until I become comfortable with what we're doing. It's not that it doesn't feel good, physically, when we do things. It's just not great emotionally because I'm terrified she'll hate me. It's my anxieties, which she's helping me understand when she lets me comfort her afterwards. With how stressed she's been, it's a release for her."

The frankness of the discussion was both surprising and fulfilling, "Is she reciprocating?"

He switched calves, "They let me do what I prefer, every once in a while."

"What is it you prefer?" She couldn't see him being into anything horrifying, even though the old adage about the quiet ones came to mind.

"This," he smiled, continuing the massage.

Her eyebrows knit, incredulous at what she was hearing, "They…don't let you work on muscle knots?"

"They don't let me bring them pleasure, without doing anything in return," he corrected. "They don't let me take my time, appreciate their form. Everything has to be returned to me. I mean, I understand that it makes them happy to make me happy," his smile was lopsided, "but I don't know that they understand just how happy it makes me to make them happy. I could linger over them all night until they fell asleep from relaxation, and never once think poorly of them because I didn't…." He blushed, "You know."

"You want romance…they want eroticism," Misato chuckled, letting her arm drop off to the side as she stared blankly up at the ceiling. "I guess I did miss my chance."

"Did you?" His promise to Hikari was that he wouldn't allow anyone in who hadn't made their intentions clear. He knew, however, that Misato was attracted to him. He wasn't daft, he just wasn't observant. The way she'd hugged him after he'd recovered Nevada's NERV site, the way she'd begged him to forgive her, she wanted _something_ from him. Friendship, comradeship, courtship, that was the part he didn't know for certain. She wanted to be in his life, and not in a temporary fashion. He'd opened up fronts with everyone else, he'd given his list to Hikari and said that not one other woman would find their way in. When he'd included Misato, his wife hadn't been shy about her approval. "Or did you do the right thing?"

"What…." His hands slid up to her knee, at the base of her thigh, as he continued plying a musician's touch, "Shinji…."

"You tell me 'No', and I stop. You tell me nothing, and I stop." He continued working her flesh, "You took your time, Misato. You could have pulled me into bed at any point. You…and to be fair, Kodama, are two women who I find so physically appealing that I have a hard time thinking straight when I see you in your 'house clothes'. I had to turn off parts of my brain around here, in the last timeline. Short-shorts, skimpy tank tops? You'd leave your underwear hang drying where you knew I'd see it. I received so many mixed messages from you that I had no idea what was what, it's no wonder I thought Asuka was right." His two-toned eyes moved to meet her chocolate gaze, "I wanted what I could never have. Were you my mother? My sister? My friend? Could you have become more? A girlfriend? A lover? A wife?" Unburdening himself of those final truths, he switched legs, "I didn't want you for a few seconds of grunting and a cheap thrill. I didn't _know_ what I wanted you for, Misato. Not until recently. I want to make you smile. Not grin, not smirk, not a tolerant upturn of your lips. I want to see you _smile_ when you look at me. If that's as a friend, then that's as a friend. But I have lost too much lately to not seize the chances I have been gifted."

"…What if I want more?" Showing the athleticism she possessed, she pushed herself easily up so that she knelt astride his lap, "What if I want to ride you until I can't see straight?" Looking up at him through hooded eyes, she exuded sultry appeal, "I'm _not_ clean, Shinji. I'll take everything you have to give me, and ask for more."

"Will it make you happy?" He kept his hands on her waist, he wouldn't push her either way, "It's work. I know it is. I have to balance two, soon to be three, children who need an older brother, with two, soon to be four, women who want or already have my last name, and another two that are more or less dating my younger wife and who are eager to meet my demands to be allowed to further our relationship, alongside Ritsuko and Maya's relationship, and Nicolette's tentative flirtations. To say nothing of Lily, Rose, and several of the Aspects." He lifted one hand and ran his thumb along her lips, "All of this…because I didn't listen to you. I now have to accept the consequences of that choice."

"And yet, you'd accept me…?" She couldn't hide her sudden confusion, "Why?"

He smiled his warmest smile, as tainted by sorrow as it was, "Because I love you."

"…Do you?" She pulled him down, teasing him with a kiss, "Prove it."

"You know the rules of my house," he whispered softly. "Can you abide by them?"

"I'll break Maya's mind later," taking a deep breath, she pressed herself to his chest. "Hikari and I will need to have a talk before we do anything. You and I…need to help each other for-"

Their phones rang in tandem, the Angel Alarm interrupting the scene.

"A nighttime…." Surging forward, Shinji scooped her up and kissed her deeply. _Maya, get to work. Hikari, Suzi, get everyone to the shelter safely. Rose, nothing touches them. Lily…keep Asuka unconscious. Zeruel is mine._ Breaking free of the kiss, he picked up her phone and handed it to the woman before him, "Let's go change the future, I'm done with the past."

+++++ Author's Notes

JaceSterne:

RE: "Manners makyth man".

To a degree, you are correct, as the saying was modified (adding 'the') for the movie. I was riffing off of William of Wykeham, founder of Winchester College, who had the above as his motto. The saying then made its way through William Horman, who included it in "Vulgaria", which is a book I've read several times and would recommend to anyone who enjoys sociolinguistics.

RE: Kelly.

Interesting questions. But are they the right ones?


	106. Chapter 106

+++++ 14th Angel + 0: Tuesday (89)

"Are you certain, Shinji?" Misato was still in the casual clothing she'd changed into, neither of them taking the time to switch their clothes around before racing to work, "You're asking me to handicap our forces by half."

"A drugged-up ally is more of a hinderance than an asset," sitting in his entry plug, Shinji waited for the connection between man and machine to slam into place. "She's not well enough to fight, Mother. Science, back me up." He wanted this. He _needed_ this. Quickly approaching was the unfinished business of a world long dead. The first step on a path he'd never walked. _Resolution_.

 _You had better come home, Pup. Or I'm going to end up following you when Misato kills me,_ "Even assuming she can bounce back quickly from having spent several days unconscious, the stress on her mind wouldn't be wise right now."

 _I'll talk to her about it,_ Lily assured everyone. _I can whisper where none will hear me. Focus on Zeruel, Lover._

As the connection clanked into place, Shinji felt himself swell into enormity. The unity of form and purpose destroyed the sorrows, there was no pain anymore. There was no loss from Noelle. There was no loss from Rei. There was the fight. There was him, the enemy, and billions of lives depending on him to be the one left standing.

"Lieutenant Colonel," Shigeru spoke away from his microphone, "you see that, right?"

"I do," _You're riding at three eighty five, Shinji. Please, try to relax some._ "We don't have much choice right now."

Makoto's nervous energy was on display for everyone in the room, "Target is on a direct course for the GeoFront. They're not deviating in the slightest."

"Let's not keep our guest waiting then," Misato gripped the back of Maya's chair. "Eva, launch!"

Rocketing skyward, Unit-01 was barely able to restrain its excitement. After long months of waiting, of anticipation, of knowing what was to come, there was finally the opportunity to march into the unknown, to see who was truly stronger. They had struggled to adapt, fought to learn how to operate as one, and now…now there was to be no quarter given, and none taken. Reaching the summit, they saw Zeruel cresting the horizon, and roared their defiance. _I will give you this one chance, Child. Stand down, and I will end this quickly._

 _Bold words from a usurper,_ the Angel of Strength's voice carried over the distance. _Accept your fate, Aberration of Life. My duty is clear, and you must fall._ A pinkish-red beam of concentrated light lanced forth, striking the ground before Shinji and racing forward to slice him in half.

Sahaquiel's shield diffused the blast easily, allowing Shinji to ignore his armaments and sprint forward. _An unwise decision, Zeruel. Now, we end this._ The pallet rifle had never been more than an irritant to most of the Angels, and was less than that to the sole instance he could remember of any Angel accepting the brunt of an N-Two mine to the face without flinching. As had become the norm, this battle would be settled hand-to-hand.

In the back of his mind, he heard Shigeru call out with deepening concern, "Why isn't he plugging in?"

"Because he doesn't need to," Maya responded without expounding. "Shinji, you're at three ninety two."

Leaping into the air, he avoided the first swipe of Zeruel's razor-sharp arms. Rolling forward, he planted his gigantic foot against the skull-like faceplate of the Fourteenth Angel, _You would attack at night._ Kicking off and sliding to the ground, under the return stroke of the trailing arm, Unit-01 reversed course and punched twice into their enemy's torso, _Like a thief, or a coward._ Twisting out of the way of another energy blast, he deflected a third slice and rolled back behind his foe, _And you would claim to represent_ Strength?

"He's close," Lily purred. "Mmmm, whatever you did to him, Beautiful, it got him riled up and ready to go."

Misato, now in the frame of mind for combat, responded with irritation at the distraction, "We didn't do anything." Raising her voice, she barked at Shinji, "Keep an eye on your ratio, Paladin. You're at three niner four."

"Roger, Mother." With his opponent's main weapons on the opposite side of their torso, Unit-01 battered Zeruel with rapid punches, intending to push it to the ground and remove its base. Every move the Angel of Strength could make was laying on the ground before him for his reading pleasure. Every feint, every thrust, every dodge. Nothing his foe could summon would surprise him. He could not lose.

Ignoring its own pain, the stout Angel wrapped an arm around Shinji's head and tossed him away, sending him into the nearby hillside and shaking the entire GeoFront. It cost a great deal of flesh, as Unit-01 had gripped near their core and held on to rend deep gouges into his side intending to limit further attempts at heavy lifting, _True Strength is not in honor, or pride, or morality. Strength lies in_ \- Surrounded by absolute darkness as Leliel answered Shinji's silent call, the stub-legged Angel lost focus and stumbled in confusion.

Launching himself back into the fracas just as the shadow dissipated, Shinji finished his opponent's thought, _Unity._ Digging his fingers around Zeruel's faceplate, he wrenched it violently to and fro, _Trust. Cooperation. You think that because you're strong you can do anything. Ramiel!_ A bolt of thunder smashed out of the skies above, slamming down with titanic force, _You are one, hopeless, Angel. You face a family._ Several more bolts dropped down, each stunning his foe without touching him in the slightest. _You face_ my _family._

"Three ninety eight," Maya groaned. "You need to wrap this up!"

 _You know nothing of Strength, child._ Switching his grip to take both of the Angel's folding arms in his hands, he twisted and tore outwards violently, ripping them free of his body at the shoulders. _I gave you a chance to end this peacefully._ Grabbing the ruins of his foe's face and drawing his fist back, Unit-01 glared death at his foe and spat out, _Welcome home._ The final punch tore through the core's defenses, obliterating everything between his fist and the night sky above. With his arm sticking through the Angel's torso, he felt…nothing.

The world around him had tinted blue, as everything seemed to collapse towards him. There was, in that instant, the feeling of eternity. The press of knowledge, the infinite realities he'd been a part of, the lives and deaths of Shinji Ikari all swarmed to be the first to be recognized by the nascent god. He could feel the universe from one end to the other, the warp and weft of each Aspect as they touched each other's Realms.

After a second that lasted a lifetime, sensation returned…and consciousness fled.

+++++ 14th Angel + 1: Wednesday (90)

Landing in a pile of limbs, Shinji blinked away the blurred lines of his vision. His first thought was that he was in his soul, his clothing having changed to something more suited to his personality than his plugsuit, but the 'where' of his location was only partially answered. _Lily?_ Waiting a moment, with no response, he shifted his body around to try and stand, _Iri?_ Silence began to ring loud in his ears, "…Hello?"

"Hello, Turtle," the room shimmered before settling on an unknown bedroom. Standing before him was a woman he couldn't quite place despite how familiar she looked, "I hate to ask, because you seem lucid enough, but do you remember what day it is?"

"October…twenty fifth or sixth?" Blinking again, he looked around in a vain attempt at drawing a clue as to his location from the décor, "It's…daytime?"

"Zeruel," the woman sighed. "Of course. That memory always throws you off." Supporting him as he stood fully, she smiled with infinite patience, "Care to venture what _year_ it is?"

"It's…." _Is this a dream?_

"No," the woman smiled with a shrug, having heard his mental rhetorical question. "But, then again, I've often thought it was myself. Not everyone can say that they knew who their husband would be two decades before they were married to them." Drawing him over to the western-style bed, she sat him down and kept his hand in hers, "It's Eight Forty Three."

"But," he looked to the window, seeing the sun hanging high in the sky, "the sun's already all the way up."

A small giggle erupted from her before she coughed to choke it off, "Sorry. You make that same statement each time we try this, but it was your idea to use the year to help reorient you. It's the forty third year of the ninth century, by our calendar."

"It…." He frowned, a series of memories trickling their way through everything, "This isn't Earth."

Her smile grew, "It's not."

"We're on the Seedship," his eyes turned back to hers, the memory of a young, frightened, drowned-rat of a girl laying on his chest as he tried to steer them towards the bank of a river coming to mind, "you're…Moriko-chan?"

Her smile tilted towards amused, "I haven't been 'Moriko-chan' for several centuries, Turtle. Not since I got tired of waiting and shoved you into a closet about eight hundred some odd years ago." Standing, she kissed him gently, "Welcome back, my love."

"I…the kids!" Standing in turn, his mind poured several lifetimes worth of information into existence, "Today's their choral performance, we have to-"

"We have to slow down," the familiar stubborn frown settled on her lips as she held her arms out to stop him. "Nobody is going to start without you there, and I've already sent out the call that you had an episode. Chihiro-chan has explained to them often enough that you have difficulties this time of year, you know they'll be patient. We'll handmake some ice cream later today to soothe anyone who's feeling extra persnickety, and reward those of them that mind their manners with their father."

"I'm not angry that they're frustrated," he sighed. "You know that, Mushroom." Turning to the mirror, he checked his clothing, "I should change…I'm rumpled. This is important to them; they've been working on the harvest songs for months." Taking the top button on his collarless shirt, he began to undress.

"Slow. Down." Moving to stand before him again, she patted his chest gently, "Think. What can you do, Turtle?"

"I…." It was like flexing a muscle he'd forgotten was there. Looking past his wife to the mirror, he willed his clothes to straighten and free themselves of the small amount of lint and dust they'd gathered after he collapsed on the floor, "You're right. I'm sorry." Closing his eyes and taking a cleansing breath, he held her shoulders, "You've always been the best at this. I'm fortunate that you forgive me."

"I don't forgive you though," she laughed. "Because to forgive you for something would mean there was something you had done wrong. This is part of you, like your hair, or your eyes, or the adorable way you stammer when I'm fond-"

"Mom!" A voice called through the window, "Is Daddy ok?"

A long-suffering look accompanied a silent sigh, "He's ok, Kurumu-chan. We were just getting ready to start walking to the school. Please take Mizore-chan with you and wait patiently, or you'll have extra chores tonight when we get home." Following a squeaked reply and the sounds of two pairs of feet beating a hasty retreat, she rolled her eyes, "I swear, those two. Of all of them, they worry me the most."

"They'll be fine. They are just taking a little extra time to mature," it was his turn to comfort and console, and he gripped her shoulders gently. "You and I both know how long it can take someone to extract their head from their fourth point of…contact." Closing his eyes, he swallowed the tears that suddenly threatened him, "I'm sorry."

Her reply was quiet and succinct, "Don't be." Taking his arm, she started them towards the door, "You loved her dearly, and she didn't deserve what happened." Rubbing his hand, she tried to cheer him up, "Since today hasn't been the best, when we take our bath tonight I'll let you wash my hair." Assuming a faux-displeased look, she held a finger up, "So long as you let me wash yours, mister man."

"I am ever your servant, Mush…." As he crossed the threshold of the door, the scene went totally black, dropping him once more into complete darkness. "…Hello?"

+++++ 14th Angel + 1: Wednesday (90)

"It'll be _fine_ ," Rose sing-songed mockingly, "nothing _bad_ will happen. He's the closest thing to an all-powerful god there is!" Glaring across the bed at Lily, she glowed a harsh blue with anger, "Let's just mix Adamite and Lilin DNA, what's the worst that could happen?"

Ritsuko slapped her hands together, "Enough!" Glaring between both parties, she courted oblivion without hesitation, "What's done is done. Whatever it is that he absorbed from Hikari-chan, is it fatal?"

"By itself, probably not," Lily remained aloof regarding the whole matter, not wanting to be goaded into a slap-fight around the mortals. "What we need to be careful of is someone trying to kill him while he can't defend himself."

"I believe that our concern needs must be directed towards the party dense enough to believe making that attempt a reasonable idea," Suzuka murmured from her chair. The willowy swordswoman had taken to guarding the entrance to the secured lab, and refused to allow anyone that wasn't medically necessary, or stronger than her, inside. "For I will leave naught but dust and echoes behind to mark their passing."

"Then we need to focus on what we can do," the quarter-blond gestured to Rose. "Do you have _nothing_ you can bring down here to draw him back?"

"I've brought what I can," the alien captain replied, her eyes still glaring holes in Lily. "I can keep him fed, and clean, for the rest of time. His mind, however, has reached a level of complexity beyond anything we've ever attempted to map. While you can't see her, Doctor, I have my chief medical officer giving her best effort at doing just that. Wherever the problem is, she'll stand the greatest chance of finding it, since _she_ won't."

"This is the last time I'll explain this without beating you physically with a book on the matter," Lily crossed her arms. "I'm saving anything I do for a final resort. Right now, I'm working through two _other_ women's minds. Both of whom will suffer if I stop what I'm doing, _again_ , because of an external emergency. If I go diving into his too, I risk dragging them along. Unless either of you think that's a good idea, I'm staying put. We'll rely on Ireul, since your doctor seems to be focused more on his lower body than his upper."

"She's tracing his nervous system, you oversexed harlot," Rose leaned forward, intent on defending her crew.

"Play nice," Suzuka stated sweetly, her eyes remaining on the task of polishing her sword. "Or I might forget he loves both of you for a moment or two."

+++++ 14th Angel + 1: Wednesday (90)

"I'm not sure it works well," Shinji covered one eye to check the angle again. "It's a sloped wall, and a slanted painting, depicting a circular tree. That's a lot of distinct lines all working against one another, here. Wouldn't this do better under the rose window, there?"

"It is part of the art," Rei looked back over her shoulder. "The asymmetry is essential to the message of perception being unequal to the task of communication."

"I'll take your word for it," he smiled, shrugging and uncovering his eye. "You know I'm better with music than I am art."

Her natural monotone only amplified the hidden meaning of her next statement, "What you managed last night certainly proves your thesis."

Blushing, Shinji coughed and checked to make certain no one else was nearby, "Rei…we've talked about mentioning that in public."

"We have," she nodded, accepting his statement as true.

He put his hands in his pockets, "I get the feeling you're not agreeing with me here."

"Your perceptiveness is one of your charms," turning to her next exhibit, the most famous artist on Earth walked away, trusting that the man she loved more than anything else on the planet would follow behind.

He was beaten, and he knew it. The bluenette had pulled him out of a dark depression after he reversed Instrumentality, had brought enough evidence to the hearings to absolve him of any responsibility for what had happened, and had then moved in with him to fill the void left by Misato's death at the hands of the JSSDF and Asuka's angry departure to Berlin. They were known to be related, after the revelation that she was a clone of an Angel and his mother had become public, and everyone simply assumed that their relationship was both familial and collegial as both had piloted during the Angel Wars. Two young survivors leaning on each other only made sense, especially as both were reclusive artists that communicated with the world through their crafts and not their words.

Shinji tried very hard to keep what Rei asked him to do out of the public eye, and Rei didn't care what anyone thought. The argument would never end, because her position was as firm as his was. It wasn't the best life, he wanted much more for her, but she would accept nothing else.

Standing on the other side of an archway, she tilted her head as she considered another piece in her exhibit, "What would you think of turning the vase one third clockwise? I feel that the light displays better when reflecting off of the green, as opposed to the yellow."

Approaching the woman who'd claimed his heart, Shinji once more accepted his defeat with more grace than he'd shown in his time battling Angels, "I think that-" As he crossed the boundary, reality crashed down around him once more. There was no light. No life. …No Rei Ayanami. Folding to his knees, he began to weep as the fifty-third variation of a future or past burned itself into his mind's eye, "Stop…please…."

+++++ 14th Angel + 1: Wednesday (90)

Standing on the other side of the lab door from Suzuka, were two women who would have to be killed to be moved. Akane, leaning against the side of the doorframe, watched down the hall as the Commander of the entire base approached alone, "Sir." The greeting was polite, and a gracious reminder that he wasn't gaining entrance at the moment. The orders from the woman who'd dragged people out of a fire were backed by a woman she knew to be unstoppable violence on an extremely short leash, and her duty was to save everyone else's lives from what those two might do to someone who interrupted.

"Nobody is answering their phone," Kozo stopped at a distance he felt reasonable. "I have two unconscious pilots, two fully functional Evangelions, and last I checked I was in charge of this installation. Knowing full well that if I fired you, right now, you'd still stand where you were until gunned down, can I at least have you pass along an appeal for more regular status updates?"

Mikoto tapped the request into her phone, sending it directly to Suzuka's, "Done, sir."

The old man asked, hoping that perhaps they knew enough to answer something simple, "Is it honestly dire enough to warrant quarantine?"

"The term 'mental contamination' was used," Akane shrugged. "Those that are inside, stay inside. Those that aren't, stay outside. You're on the short list for getting this far," she gestured down the hall to where Nicolette and another Agent stood, "they're down there to keep anyone not on _that_ list away."

After a short chirp, Mikoto looked at her reply, "Colorful." Spinning her phone to show the response, she offered it to her superior, "Here."

"…Knowing her, she'd likely do it, too." Kozo grimaced, "It's what I'll get. Thank you, Agents."

"Sir," Akane stated by way of parting. Waiting for him to leave the hall, and the doors to close once more, she looked to her partner, "Do you think the Kid meant what he said?"

"It's Shinji," Mikoto pocketed her phone after replying to the living weapon. "He couldn't lie with a gun to Hikari-chan's head."

+++++ 14th Angel + 1: Wednesday (90)

"Go, go, go!" Backpedaling, he kept his eye on the ball as Suzuka made a sliding dig to bump it in his direction. Timing his jump, he leapt into the air and intentionally missed the spike, sending his opponents backwards in the sand grimacing as Nanako appeared from behind him and slapped it off to the side where there were no defenders, "Yes!" Clapping, he scooped his favorite 'sister' into his arms and spun her about, "Perfect play, Nanako!"

"And she's the one that doesn't have the mental communication," Akane snorted, coming under the net to switch sides after the final point of the set. "You," she poked him in the gut, "suck. It's like trying to see around a big, muscly, sex-appeal filled wall of humanity."

"Hey," he shrugged, setting down his partner and smiling his 'what can I do' grin, "I have to watch you, Mikoto, and Nicolette bounce around in bikinis. If you think I'm not incredibly distracted by four of the five women I'm playing with, you haven't been paying attention."

"You hear that Suzuka-chan?" Nanako jumped up and latched onto his neck from behind, displaying that despite her age, she was still supremely athletic, "He's not distracted by you."

It was a good day, in his mind. Being out with the Shirakami and his bodyguards, leaving the past where it lay, the choice of going to the beach to enjoy goofing around managed to get him in a much better mood than he'd thought possible.

"He knows better than to be distracted by me, child," Suzuka deadpanned, well aware of the fact that she distracted him more than any woman present. "The last time his focus dropped as my robes did, he was left wanting for a week."

"No he wasn't," Nicolette stretched. "I may not be as tall as you, lady, but I know how to work with what I've got."

Nanako's whisper was covered over by the playful banter continuing between the four other women, "How are you doing?" Steering him around the pole so that he didn't have to duck under the net, she used her knees as one would on a horse to guide him.

"I hurt," he replied honestly. "I saw her on the street yesterday, before Mikoto could get me to turn around."

The club owner's tone darkened, "Don't let her keep haunting you, Shinji. If we need to, Gen and Suzuki can go and handle the situation. What happened was unacceptable, and as much as you want to forgive and forget, some things can't be forgiven, and will never be forgotten." Dropping off his back, she moved around to look up at him, "You don't need to live in the past. You have so much to look forward to," she brightened, drawing him towards the back of the sandy court, "I can almost see the bump on Suzuka now."

"That…is terrifying," he laughed, nervous energy flooding him as he considered parenthood. "I mean…aside from having two women pregnant at the same time, the fact that I've made _any_ woman pregnant is terrifying."

"Akane will be a great mother, and Suzuka has wanted a child for centuries." Nanako clapped his hands together, "The sins of the father is garbage, Shinji. You are going to be a great dad. You'll make mistakes, you'll learn, and I'll spoil them rotten."

"Oi!" Gen waved, approaching with the food, "Is my wife bothering you, sir? I'm sorry, I thought I put the shock collar on this morning when I told her not to pester strangers. It seems she's slipped it off."

"I keep telling you," Suzuki added, carrying his son in one arm and holding his new wife's hand in the other, "put it around the waist. With her short arms, she can't reach there."

"You don't mind your father," Yumi tapped her son's nose, before turning to Shinji and grinning with pure joy. "Want to practice? Let Suzuki help Gen set out the picnic, and I'll show you how to hold him."

"I…if you're ok with it," he looked to the man who'd lost what he'd gained. There was an embarrassed peace between the two men, the former husband not begrudging the current anything despite the current husband having accomplished what he could not.

"His uncle better damn well learn how to hold him," the man barked playfully. "Can't throw him around the practice field if you never learn to hold him right."

Nanako tapped him towards the child, at the silent urging of Suzuka, and Shinji approached the net to duck under and hold a baby for the first time. It would be awkward, like everything else in his life tended to be until he adjusted. Reaching the net and crouching, he tripped as darkness swallowed him once more with his first step under. Laying down, unmoving, he curled in on himself mentally. The memory of Hikari's words echoing in his mind.

'Oh please. I loved the _idea_ of you, Shinji. The reality was just so…pathetic. Toji just made a better offer.'

+++++ 14th Angel + 1: Wednesday (90)

"He's coming home…right?" Sakura sat on the couch, school having been closed once more, "He's just being seen by Ritsuko-san because he was hurt fighting the bad people?"

"Your nii-san," Hikari sat on the table, her own fears and worries shoved deep and dark where the young ones would never see them, "is the strongest, bravest, most wonderful man alive. Right now, he's adapting to some changes that happen after every fight. I promise, he wants nothing more than to come home and see you and Nozomi-chan."

"Well," Yang vaulted over the back of the couch to land far enough away to not harm the young girl, "maybe he wants some ice cream more. I mean… _ice cream_ , right?"

Sakura grinned at the ever-bubbly waitress, unable to hold onto her anxieties in the face of so much comforting sunshine, "Ice cream is pretty important."

"That's good to know," Tsuru rounded the tail of the couch, "because I would gain so much weight eating all of this by myself." Holding a tray with several dishes of the frozen treat, she smiled at Hikari as the woman freed up the table for her to set it down upon. "If I understand correctly, young women have been lamenting the absence of the one they love by eating ice cream for generations."

"It's true," Hikari picked up on the plan easily. "We all love Shinji, right?"

"I know I do," Tsuru handed the first dish to Sakura. "What about you, Sakura-chan?"

"I love nii-san," she nodded eagerly. "He came to me yesterday, sat down and told me that he worried that I didn't know how much he cared. He was worried that I thought he didn't love me back."

"He does that," Yang smirked. "I've even heard him say that he's not certain Hikari knows he loves her. It's just how he is, kiddo. Don't let it worry you, ok? He wasn't saying 'goodbye', he was just trying to break himself of a terrible habit."

"No," Sakura frowned, far too familiar with the worries Shinji faced for one so young. "It was because the nice pilot lady died. Shinji loved her too. He probably worried that she didn't know, and he wanted to make sure nobody else didn't know."

"You're right," Hikari set her bowl in her lap, admiring the child's insight. "But she knew, Sakura-chan. Because he told her every day with the way he looked at her. Our man…is filled with love. It's up to us, all of us, to make sure he understands that we love him back. That we don't feel he's a bad person for letting us all love him, and each other."

"…I'll give him a big hug when I see him," she stabbed at her ice cream. "I know what it feels like to think nobody loves you." Her voice lowered as she said what she felt to be an inappropriate word for her age, "It _sucks_."

+++++ 14th Angel + 1: Wednesday (90)

"It's not that I disagree," Asuka said from astride his neck as she rode on his shoulders, "I just think that you _enjoy_ playing the guitar more. The cello will always have memories from a time in your life that you hated. When you and I found more modern instruments to play, it started an entirely new string of memories." Her hair, cropped to just above the nape of her neck, floated free as she looked down at him, "Those are my thoughts, though. You have your thoughts, and they are valid and worth thinking."

"Ja, ja, Frau Doktor," he squeezed her knees playfully. "The patient trusts the doctor."

Bopping him on the head lightly, she laughed, "Stop that. Just because I have one more doctorate than you do, _Doctor Ikari_ , doesn't mean you get to play dumb." Her legs tensed, "Oh, scheiße."

Spying the problem, Shinji braced himself for trouble, "Good evening, Toji-san. How are you tonight?"

"I'm good man, I'm good," the failed jock shrugged, his hands shoved in his jacket pockets. "Red."

He could feel Asuka prepare the retort, and swallow it, "Toji-san." It was something that warmed his heart immensely, the way that Asuka had come out of instrumentality a different woman. She'd been inside of his mind, briefly, and had come away with something that had changed her…towards him and one other alone. To everyone else, she was still aloof, haughty, and prone to bouts of aggression. That she tried to be nice to people around him was nothing short of a miracle.

Waiting a few seconds for his one-time friend to speak, Shinji prodded gently, "Was there something you needed?"

Toji couldn't make eye contact, "You…mind if we talk privately?"

"Christ on a crutch," planting her hand on Shinji's head, she flipped backwards off his shoulders and landed with a fighter's grace. "When he's done puling at you, meine Mausebärchen, I'll be in die Süßwaren."

 _She tried,_ he sighed mentally. He couldn't deny that she had good reason to be angry at Toji in particular, after everything their former friend had done to not only the Horaki family but his own sister. It didn't absolve Shinji, however, of doing what he could for someone who'd chosen to leave the Ocean of Souls. Once the door closed to the nearby store, he stepped out of the flow of traffic, "What can I do to help, Toji-san?"

The young man looked haunted, "Are you sure there is no way to go back?"

 _This again?_ Shaking his head, his face not betraying his irritation, he shrugged, "Not unless you happen to have seventeen Angels, a bunch of MP Evas, another Rei Ayanami, and an Elder God. I'm sorry, Toji-san."

Fear, then anger at that fear, then fear at the pain he knew striking Shinji would incur, then more anger at that fear all worked their way across Toji's face, "There has to be a way!" Spinning about roughly, he left after spitting to the side, "Some fucking friend you are."

Far more mature now that he'd died several times and chosen to recreate the world as a place of interconnectedness, Shinji let the anger wash over him. _We weren't ever friends, Toji. You don't do what you've done to your friends._ A small part of him, petty and far too similar to Asuka, wanted to speak the words aloud. The other part of him, the better and greater, was glad he hadn't after watching Toji round the far corner of the street.

"Thanks," the new voice drew his attention to a recessed alcove, and the only other human he'd ever be truly glad to see. "I know you had to fight to not retort there."

"Sakura," an honest smile broke on his lips as he held his arms apart for the expected leaping assault. Wrapping the heartbreaker in a bearhug, he fulfilled his promise to never be gentle with her, shaking her side to side like a dog worrying at a rope, "I didn't think you were free today. You had better not be skipping that class, babe."

"I'm not!" Frowning playfully at him for a few seconds, her chestnut-colored hair flowing playfully in the breeze, she grinned when she was certain, "You forgot. I knew you would."

"Forgot…?" Letting her kick free, he looked down and went through his memory. It wasn't as good as it once was, the holes he'd gained as his mind protected him from Instrumentality had been the slowest of anyone yet known to fill in over the long years, but he eventually looked to the side and caught sight of a billboard with the date, "Your final test!"

"Got it in one!" Bouncing and clapping happily, she cheered the progress she'd been influential in creating, "My professor graded mine, since I turned it in yesterday. So…you owe me what you promised because," she pumped her fists under her chin, " _I got full marks_!"

"Out-fucking-standing!" Letting loose his reserved control over his emotions for the once-in-a-lifetime success of the young woman he and his wife had worked extensively with, he picked her up and threw her into the air in celebration. Catching her and spinning her around, drawing a number of concerned looks which melted towards understanding when they saw who it was that was being 'loud', he laughed heartily, "Full marks! I _knew_ you could do it, Sakura. I just knew it."

Latching onto his waist with her legs, she noticed Asuka's approach, "Careful, you're looking happy without her." The teasing jest was matched with a gleeful wave at the woman she aspired to be, "Ich habe den Test bestanden. Volle Punktzahl!"

"Hervorragend, Kirschmädchen," Asuka golf clapped, having anticipated the success of her one and only student. "Hervorragend." She smiled with a shrug at the man-mountain they both loved, "I guess we pay out."

"…Once someone reminds me what I agreed to," Shinji blushed, embarrassed that he wasn't having the best day.

"It's ok," both women sought to reassure him as one, before looking at each other and laughing in fond amusement.

"Let's splurge on some sweets for tonight's celebration for the third Doctor in our little group," Asuka waggled her hand towards the store. "I want some candied cherries."

"I thought I was already sweet enough," Sakura pouted, pleased that Shinji wasn't putting her back down.

"I think they might have some-" Crossing through the door, Shinji felt the crushing weight of reality return. His head began to bob wildly around, uncontrolled, as another life he'd never live died. Beyond disoriented, uncertain as to where or when he was, there was nothing for him to cling to anymore. The women he loved were dead, or had betrayed him, or worse. He was lost…he was alone.

+++++ 14th Angel + 2: Thursday (91)

"We don't know where His Grace is," Ireul stated without any significant emotion, something clearly bothering her beyond the current situation. The presence of Ritsuko and Rose's chief medical officer prevented her from relaxing as she would around those Shinji had chosen, and she seemed to glare at Lily from time to time, "He is not in any of our Realms, and the expanses beyond are thick with traps waiting to ensnare Us. We doubt seriously He would approve of Our venturing there unescorted."

Ritsuko was running on caffeine and an hour of sleep, and listening to the explanations given from everyone else didn't improve her mood, "Why?"

"Because that's where his core personality resides," Rose half-listened to the conversation, answering to show she was.

"It's very easy to change," Lily nodded. "If that's where he is, I'd want to know precisely where before going in myself, and I'm far more intimately knowledgeable than any other here of his character and makeup. His mind would fight to protect it, violently."

"In a straight fight against His mind, even you would not triumph," Ireul stated with a bad taste in her mouth. "This was ill-conceived."

"Thank you for agreeing," Rose stated emphatically.

"I'm going to need to report something soon," the quarter-blonde mused. "Captain, do you have anything you can give me? It won't just be Kozo that will be interested. Misato, his household, the Agents…everyone's waiting on something here."

"Eight percent," she translated for her ally, who preferred not to manifest at all so close to Lily and Ireul. "And it was the easy part of his mind that got us that much. The 'breathe when sleeping' and 'hey heart, great job' parts of his mind."

Ritsuko shook her head, hope dying, "So extrapolating that out to another two weeks of scanning wouldn't likely give us an accurate assessment?"

"Closer to a month," Rose's response was quiet, her own hopes of a quick resolution dashed.

+++++ 14th Angel + 2: Thursday (91)

"They look absolutely ridiculous together," Kodama whispered to Shinji as they spun in slow, lazy, circles on the dance floor. "He didn't shave _and_ he's smoking like a chimney, she's not sober _and_ she's pregnant. I understand you don't want to tell people how to live their lives, Baby, but none of that is healthy."

"They're marrying because they're afraid of being alone anymore," he replied, drained after a night full of keeping Kaji from risking impregnating thirteen different women he wasn't about to be married to. "Neither of them is using their second chance at life well…but it's their life, not mine."

She laid her forehead against his shoulder, "Have I told you in the past five minutes how happy I am you neither drink nor smoke?"

"Four minutes, twenty eight seconds ago," he teased.

"Keep pushing, mister," she giggled. "Watch me drag you out of here by your hair."

"Another half an hour," he promised. "Why don't you go talk to Asuka. She looks like she's about to pop and her 'date' left an hour ago. I'll talk to the 'happy couple'," he made air quotes where only she would see, "and beg off. We'll head to the hotel and see how nice the showers are."

She gave him the look she knew he couldn't ever deny, "Promise to let me work the taste out of my mouth from all this smoke?"

"If it will make you happy, my love, anything for you." Blowing her a kiss as she walked backwards, he took a fortifying breath and nearly bumped into Ritsuko, "Oh! I'm sorry, Akagi-san."

"Going to do the same thing I am?" The bottle-blonde took his arm and pulled him onwards to the newlyweds, "See if you can get the drink out of her hand, Shinji-kun. I'll have a talk with the furnace about where his hands should be around non-Misato women."

"Yes, ma'am." Pausing, an odd thought struck him, "…Rits?"

She blinked as she turned to face him, "Yes?" There was actual happiness in her eyes as she stepped back closer, "Well, that's certainly unexpected. That's great progress, Shinji. What did you need?"

Looking around the room, he barely recognized anyone, "Have…have I made a mistake?"

Taking a final step and pulling him into a dance, she flicked through several words in Sign asking Kodama to let her handle it, "It's ok, Shinji. You know where you are. You can see Misato flailing on the dance floor as she attempts to justify her decisions, she'd only ever dress like that for one reason."

"I…I shouldn't be here," the sense of crawling dread continued to grow.

"Calm," her voice was warm as she rubbed his back, "you know it was her that did it, Shinji. You were a victim. That you're here is something everyone understands as because you honor who she was, not who she is." Emerald eyes held a great deal of love as she gazed up at him, "If you need to leave, Maya and I will cover for you. You and Kodama were coming over tomorrow afternoon for another swimming lesson, you can make it up to us by trying extra hard then."

"Maybe that would be best," looking over to Misato, he swallowed.

"Shinji?" She drew his eyes back to her, "It's ok. Go." Placing her hands on his chest, she pushed him towards Kodama, "Go."

Nodding, he turned and hurried towards the safety of the nurse he knew.

"Shhhhhhinji?" Misato's drunken slurring of his name caused him to tense up as both Maya and Kodama reached him, "Leaving sheh bride wishout a kisssssh ish rude…."

"Go," Maya stepped around behind Shinji, moving to blockade others from reaching his exit path, "get him out of here."

"C'mon Baby," Kodama pulled hard, moving him to the door easily as he lost active control over his own choices. "We've got better places to be than here." Pulling him through the door, she smiled with passionate love, "This is why we didn't have a ceremony. You and I don't need to cause a scene with-"

His knees gave out as the darkness surrounded him, he'd long lost count of the futures he'd seen. Without bothering to protect himself as he fell, he slumped to the ground and began to cry. There was no pattern, no order to the visions. Nothing was as it should be, and it somehow kept finding ways to be worse.

+++++ 14th Angel + 2: Thursday (91)

"Careful, careful," Kodama slid a small, soft, rod down the side of Kelly's cast. "You move too much, and I tear something, we're going right back into NERV and that's not going to end well for anyone."

"Right there," Kelly moaned as the itch was finally rubbed properly. "Oh, Jesus, thank you. That has been itching forever."

"It means it's healing," the busty nurse carefully removed the foreign object. "You don't do this, I do this," she raised her eyebrow, waiting for a nod in return. "I know that it feels good, but it's going to feel terrible when they tell you the cast is back on for another three weeks."

"Promise," the naval officer nodded. "I really appreciate it, ma'am."

"Stop that," Kodama poked her patient in the ribs. "I will not have someone my future husband loves calling me 'ma'am'."

"Habit." Settling back down into her bed, she closed her eyes and smiled, "Future husband, hmm?"

"I have the paperwork all ready," she continued her tasks as she played along. "No ceremony, no ring. I won't wear one while I'm working, and he can't wear one without risking us having to cut the thing off after every Angel. Kodama Ikari, wife of Shinji Ikari, is more than enough for me."

"It's a good name," popping one eye open, she lowered her voice, "better than your sister's."

"It's very unfortunate that the sounds are so similar," Kodama giggled. "But she's owning the oddity and making it her own."

"It sounds far better than mine would. Kelly Ikari just doesn't flow right when one of your countrymen says it." Her eyes rolled, "And back home everyone would be asking what the hell an 'ichory' was."

"Why 'would'?" Finishing hanging the new bag of IV fluids, she made it clear her question was serious, "Why not 'will'?"

"Age, mostly," her lips bunched up on one side in a wry grin. "I'm almost twice his age."

"He's immortal," Kodama frowned. "Age is going to be more of a problem in the other direction, pending a few things."

"If I'm still around, we'll see in a decade or so. He's probably not even really interested in me that way." It didn't bother her if he wasn't, it made keeping things friendly easier without the flirting, "He has much prettier women to draw his attention, it's better for him."

She considered the point, then dismissed it with a shake of her head, "Your life, not mine. I think you're more than pretty enough, and it's clear you care about him. If you didn't, you would have taken the retirement, the pension, the flight back to Ireland, and been safe and sound on the other side of the world."

"You weren't raised Catholic," Kelly sighed. "It would be hard for you to understand my perspective."

+++++ 14th Angel + 2: Thursday (91)

"It's not really fair," Noelle said from her position on his lap. "Us meeting like we did."

"Could be worse," his hands continued to manipulate the pile of paperwork, ignoring the blonde's not-so-subtle attempts at distraction with the same conversation they'd had every few months for the past several years, "we could have never met."

"I hit you with my bike," she laughed, "the only saving grace here is that you're built like a wall."

"The saving grace, if you want to call it that, is the woman who hit me with her bike wasn't hurt by hitting that wall." Signing a few boxes, he began reading the next form, "The only woman to look at me and see past the raging insecurities, the crippling depression, the tendency to never make eye contact. I don't care that you hit me, Noelle. I care that you _found_ me."

"Yeah, but I'm supposed to be all sweet and shy when I meet the man for me," she huffed. "Girly and fresh. I was coming off of a double, and a workout that made me smell like the inside of a footlocker, hadn't brushed my teeth in a day, and my hair was nasty."

"I was covered in mud and gravel," Shinji countered. "To be honest, I was shocked that Section Two didn't stop you from hauling me into the hotel."

"Eh, I know your Agents." Giving up on playing with his legs, she turned about so she was straddling him, "Shinji, you're ignoring your girlfriend."

"I'm finishing up the roster for this weekend. If you can keep your libido in check for five more minutes, I can give you the rest of the night without interruption," without shifting his eyes from the papers, he kissed her forehead. "You're the one that insisted I accept this job, you don't get to complain now that I'm doing it."

"The night?" She toyed with his shirt, "Not the weekend?"

"You're the one that wanted to go flying," marking another few changes, he initialed by them. "Jorth and Vidar likely wouldn't be terribly happy if we did that in the cockpit. It might make staying in formation difficult."

"That sounds like a challenge, Tracker." Her eyes glowed with mirthful intent, "In fact, I think I'll take it as one."

"Raffle," he lowered his eyes to her finally, "the last time we did that, you were grounded for three weeks. You kept your billet because Feelgood owed me after arranging his date with Doctor Akagi. I'm not challenging you; I'm _ordering_ you. Flight suit stays zipped in the air."

She pouted cutely, "Spoilsport."

"No complaints," putting the finishing touches on the last form, he set down his pen. "You'll lose enough flight time soon."

"Lose…you're serious?" She balanced her knees on his quads and smiled broadly, "You're willing?"

"We make enough," he shrugged. "If we end up having twins, we'll still be able to afford your college tuition and upkeep on the plane. My…hang ups…we're not getting younger."

"Bedroom, now, go, why aren't you moving?" Hopping off and tugging him towards the other end of the apartment, she was bouncing with glee, "Vidar and Jorth can go hang, today and tomorrow are the best chances this month to… _you knew_!"

"I keep track of your health, since you won't," he blushed, no longer focused on 'Work Shinji' and now able to become 'Boyfriend Shinji'. Looking at the approaching doorway to the bedroom, he anticipated not leaving the room for some time, "It's pretty obvious when you're-" When he stood, the hand that had held Noelle's trailing forward empty, his changed eye throbbed to life, burning with righteous flames of fury, "Stop."

The unfeeling universe had mocked him for what he knew must have been centuries. It showed him lives he'd wished would never end, lives that he wished had never happened, and lives that he couldn't honestly say whether he was happy or sad within. Each seemed to hold some kernel of hope, the outer wrappings changing but that one beacon remaining constant. He could act, he could do what needed to be done, he was responsible for the outcome. As soon as he learned that, he'd be ripped free to land in bleakness, in sorrow, in-

+++++ 14th Angel + 3: Friday (92)

"She's saying nothing until she sees him," Jake shrugged, reporting to his superior in the hopes that he'd learn something of the young man he'd come to enjoy working for. "She'll only accept prepackaged food that hasn't had the seal tampered with, and wouldn't calm down until there wasn't a window or vent in sight big enough to fit a damn fiberoptic scope through."

"Keep her as calm as possible," Philip ordered, fatigue continuing to grow on him. "Do what you can to build a rapport."

"It'd be easier if Claudia and Paola were here, instead of in Massachusetts, sir. I'm down three people while he's in that coma, since Akane, Mikoto, and Nicki aren't interested in being anywhere else for longer than it takes to shower." He let the hint hang in the air.

"The last update we received was 'ten percent'. The meaning of which is as much of a mystery as the reason for his sudden loss of consciousness," the elderly officer waved the younger Agent off. "Leave them be. They're keeping people away from Paladin, which is as reasonable a use for their talents as any with the rest of the children having no school."

"Could we at least recommend that they switch out and get some sleep? Not one of them has left their post since he crashed." The big Texan gestured towards the site of the battle, "Unit-01 looks better than they do, and the engineers have just now managed to get it to unclench."

"I've ordered them to," Philip laughed. "Nicolette told me she quit. Mikoto claimed hearing loss, and Akane threatened me with grievous insubordination. They pulled back to protect the door to the labs afterwards, I doubt sincerely that the next response will be even remotely favorable."

+++++ 14th Angel + 3: Friday (92)

"Nope." Nozomi stood with her arms crossed, her chin tilted up, and her eyes averted, "Not listening to me."

"Nozomi-chan," Shinji cut off as her eyes snapped back to glare daggers at him. "Nozomi," he begun again, "I can't give you what it is you're asking for." Holding his hand at the height she'd first met him at, he smiled at the memory of her darting between his legs to dodge Asuka's wrath, "I look at you and I see this pint-sized powerhouse. I see the one bright spot in a year of darkness, not what you want me to see."

Tilting her head to the side slightly, she sighed, "I am a thirty year old woman, Shinji. I have more than enough years on this Earth to make up my mind as to who I want to be with."

Frustration mounted as he tried to not ruin her birthday, "What do you want me to tell you?"

"That you have one last present for me," she responded with a shrug.

"I love you, but not in the way you want me to." Placing his hands in his pockets, he looked at her and let the pretenses drop, "For over a decade I fed you. Clothed you. Sheltered you. I attended school meetings, doctor's visits, and counseling sessions. After you crawled out of the Ocean of Souls buck naked and alone, I have acted as your father. Neither of your sisters returned, Toshiro Horaki hasn't returned. Then, for another decade, I paid for your college courses, I cheered you when you graduated, I've watched you grow into the finest mathematician I've ever met." He held her eyes, "You are my _daughter_ , Nozomi, not my wife. I will never, _never_ , regret the years I spent watching you grow into the brilliant, beautiful, boisterous woman you are. But I can't be the man for you."

"Then why haven't you taken a wife?" Stepping closer, she too let the pretenses drop, "Why have you frowned at the boys that flirt with me? Why haven't you kicked me out of your house?"

He answered honestly, "In order: because I don't want to be my father, or Kaji-san, since everyone seems to just want the status associated with me, and because none of those idiots wanted anything to do with the woman inside of the beautiful Horaki framework. Both because I needed to set a good example for you. And finally, because I promised you that you would always have a place in my home the day I pulled you off the beach. You know I keep my word."

"Or, maybe, because after living with me for over twenty years you've never needed one, and because you want what you feel wrong for desiring. I am _not_ your daughter. My father abandoned me to live some delusion. My sisters abandoned me for the same reason." Pushing him backwards with a single finger in his chest, she growled angrily, "You belong to me, Shinji Ikari. Never once have I called you anything but 'Shinji'. Not 'Daddy', not 'father', not 'Dad', not 'Ba'." Shoving him, she kept him backpedaling, "I don't regret the time we've spent getting where we are either. But I will regret if we spend more time dithering about. At thirty years old, I damn well know what I want."

Feeling the closed door to his room bump against him, he still couldn't bring himself to raise a hand in his defense. He didn't want this. He didn't agree with her reasoning, but he couldn't push back. To strike her would be the worst thing possible, even as she shoved him towards something terrible, "Sakura-chan's going to be here in-"

"Sakura can join in, I don't care," Nozomi rolled her eyes heavenward. "We were each other's first, and are each other's only, and she's had a crush on you for at least as long as she's known you. This is ending in a relationship, Shinji. We _know_ we work well together. We've functioned like a well-oiled machine for two decades. We _know_ we love each other. We _know_ what each other likes and doesn't like. You haven't exercised any authority over me since I was fourteen, you haven't had to! It will feel weird for a little bit, because you need to adjust to seeing me as a woman, and I _promise_ I won't make it awkward, but I have had it with dancing around this." Reaching behind him and opening the door to his room, she shoved him one final time through the threshold.

As the dark claimed him once more, his eye flared to life and with an angry roar he began to slam his fist against the ground repeatedly. Whatever force held him was perverting everything, he'd now spent thousands of lives watching everyone he knew act in ways he'd never thought possible, "Stop it! STOP IT! _STOP-_ "

+++++ 14th Angel + 3: Friday (92)

"Thank you for having me, child," Jorth carefully removed her shoes as she stepped into the house with Hikari.

"It's no trouble, Haraldson-san," Hikari continued to keep her emotions tightly reined in. The two youngest in the house needed her calm and steady, not giving in to the worsening visions of Shinji not returning home…whether he woke up or not. Guiding the holy woman towards the back of the house, she smiled wanly, "I may need your help apologizing to Shinji, however. He likely would have wanted to be here for this, but I understand that the legal necessities are what they are."

"I'll speak with him myself. As the executor of her will, it will be my responsibility to make sure he receives those things she's set aside for him," stepping into the room of the woman she'd been friends with for some years, she paused and murmured a short prayer for the dead.

Hikari, not fluent in Norwegian, couldn't understand the words, though the tone carried through what had passed. Other than a quick check to make sure nothing dangerous had been left where it might cause problems, she'd stayed out of Noelle's room out of respect. For as ill-kept as the blonde had made her apartment seem, she had kept her room at Ikari Manor very neat, which only increased the oddity of going through what few possessions there were.

"Two things, most likely, were kept in her go-bags," Jorth continued, approaching the twin duffel bags. "One she wanted to be returned to Thor, the other was intended to go to Shinji as a reminder of her time with him." Placing the first on the bed, she carefully rummaged through it for her target, "The clothing will go to a women's shelter, and the bags themselves can go in the trash for all she cared. She lost most of her…ah," pulling out a short knife in its sheath, she sighed. "This was a gift from us to her. It's the same as Shinji's, from the same chunk even." Tucking it between her breasts, she finished searching the bag and then zipped it back up. "As I was saying, she lost most of her personal belongings in the fire at her apartment."

"I…thought that was something of a blessing, at first." Hikari felt she could admit as much to the woman before her, for the aura she was giving off. "It brought her into our home, it allowed us to open our arms to her without reservation."

"And I bless you for that," the holy woman's smile was melancholy. "The chaos of life is cruel, at times. The call she gave me describing how all three of you worked in concert to welcome her eagerly was wonderful to hear. She was happy here, child. Never doubt that." Digging through the second bag, she found her goal much faster. Pulling out a pill bottle, she held it up and sighed, "This…is for the man she loved."

"Medicine?" Hikari held her hand out as Jorth approached, and carefully took the amber-colored see-through container to hold it up to the light, "A…plastic straw…." Grasping the bottle tight, she nodded as the weight of what was in her hands suddenly increased a thousand fold, "I've heard the story. I'll put this where it won't be damaged or lost until he wakes up."

Jorth zipped up the bag after verifying there were only clothes present, "Please do." Leaving the bags where they were, she clasped her hands, "Let's go through the drawers and cabinets, and then I'll be out of your hair."

+++++ 14th Angel + 3: Friday (92)

Shinji stood on the bridge, leaning against the railing separating the captain's roost from the rest of the crew, "It's absolutely gorgeous." Watching the enormous storm on Jupiter's surface roil, he shook his head, "How is it that such immense devastation is…beautiful?"

Rose's arm around his waist was a violation of several regulations regarding displaying public affection in uniform, but the man she held had received special dispensation from the Judges themselves. Since he had chosen her clan, she was free to give him affection whenever he looked like he needed it. It was a reward to him, and to her for her loyalty, as well as a means of proving that they weren't as terrible as Lilith had made them seem, "Because you're not standing in the middle of it." She gestured vaguely around the perimeter of the storm, "Nothing lives there. So long as it isn't killing anything, is it so terrible to admire power where it is?"

"Hmm," he assented without agreeing. "You've said there isn't much fighting on your world."

"None," she corrected. "Crimes, which are always present so long as sentience remains, but war has always been an odd concept to my people. It's not that we're peaceful, we still disagree with each other vehemently, but the Clan Mothers resolve disputes before armies become involved."

"And this world we're heading to," he looked down, nervousness growing, "it's not inhabited?"

Soothing his back, she shook her head, "There's life, but none of it any more intelligent than…one of your cats? Perhaps slightly less so?"

"So…I won't have to fight anymore…." Looking down at a hand he always saw as covered in the blood of a host of Angels, he swallowed back bile, "I won't…have to kill?"

"Lilith was the last to die by these hands," she covered his paw with her own. "I promise. My crew will keep anyone that might want to start hostilities far from us. My clan will arrive, we'll have our new home, and the Judges swear to uphold the treaty for as long as you swear to remain on the planets they provide. You know I'm not lying, you can hear my song, can't you?"

"…Ceci n'est pas une pipe," he looked away.

Rose knew trust would have to be built. He'd been betrayed by everyone who claimed to so much as like him, had watched as the militaries of his home world supported SEELE, had been forced to kill his way to freedom. But she'd have uncounted years to build that bridge, with _her_ entire family present, and nothing to do but love him and be loved by him. "My sisters will adore you," she changed the topic. "If you can put up with me, you'll have a far easier time with them. I'm the 'black sheep', as you would call it."

Blushing, he looked at the biological crew below. He knew that each of them were also of her clan, and had been given more than one 'come hither' smile during meals, "Is…is that really ok with you?" He'd never been in a relationship, never known a kiss beyond Asuka's attempt at curing boredom, "I mean…there aren't any males. I'm kind of…taking advantage of things."

"Engineering would love it if you would, sir," the woman he'd come to know as 'Gentle' giggled from nearby.

"Let's go work on your language skills, Shinji," Rose pulled him towards her private cabin. "My crew can handle the bridge without me." Forgoing subtlety, she pulled him down into a kiss and led him by his lips through the door.

And into darkness.

+++++ Author's Notes:

JaceSterne:

RE: Hikari

She's not quite done discovering how bad things are after what she's done, just yet. Not nearly done.

RE: Yandere (Simulator)

Everyone has their triggers. Or so I hear.

RE: Misato

Her part in the story was intentionally saved for later. Seeing as it has just been three months, she needed time to adjust who she was to be in a healthier place for a relationship, even one as simple as 'best friend'. Where it goes from here? I guess we'll find out. But he does love her, and she does love him. That, more than anything thereafter, is what counts the most.

RE: Zeruel

The Angel of Strength ran into an angry buzz saw. An angry, angry, buzz saw. The unity of Unit-01 and Shinji Ikari became complete, and now that which lingers within both was able to let go…all over the nearby hillsides.

SK: RE: Angel Beats

I am required by ethics to inform you that we have reached the stage of Neon Gen that involves not nice things happening to our hero. That is to say, "Love hurts, Love scars, Love wounds and mars."

TheHiddenLettuce:

RE: Noelle

I'm honestly happy at how many people have commented on their fondness regarding those Original Characters I've created. Noelle has been essential in teaching Shinji to stand up for himself, which…. Mmm. Spoiler no spoiling.

RE: Closing loops.

If it were up to Shinji, he'd have never taken one more after he and Hikari got together. Of course, if it were up to Shinji, he wouldn't be involved in disputes between physical constants and intergalactic militaries either. There's a lot that's not up to Shinji, is what I'm saying.

origamishishou:

RE: The Damned.

I'm fond of apt descriptors, and sometimes my subtlety turns itself off and jumps out to warn everyone around me of my intentions.

RE: Dramatis Personae

Hikari's waffling between holding too tight and shoving Shinji away, Maya's torn between loyalty to the man who saved her and the young woman who's claimed her heart, Kodama's always a day late and a dollar short, Ritsuko's just had her freedom of choice taken away from her so that she stands a chance at saving the man who refused to let her suffer needlessly, Tsuru can't seem to figure out her place in the world, Yang is the straight man watching everyone else lose their minds, Akane and Mikoto are torn between love and duty, and Nicolette can't seem to keep a man around long enough to show she loves him. Tragedy, thy name be Neon Gen.

RE: Masochism

Writing this story hurts. I wanted to write a story where Shinji was happy, and things went well, and everyone was given the chance to be good to one another. It wasn't very interesting, and I gave up on it in favor of what my dear readers see here. Now, it's up to the characters in the story to make sure that the light at the end of the tunnel isn't a freight train coming their way.

RE: Zeruel

Unfortunately for him, Zeruel found the freight train.


	107. Chapter 107

+++++ 14th Angel + 4: Saturday (93)

"She's been properly cremated, sir," Misato reported to her superior. Her muted emotions matched her dead eyes, the up and down nature of the past few weeks beginning to pile up on her shoulders, "You asked to see me after the service?"

"Yes." The old man was not without pity, and as they were in private had no interest in calling her to task for giving in to the numbness that had become the hallmark of most everyone on base, "I understand that Lilith is capable of rousing Pilot Soryu, should we require. I'd like to have that happen so that we can get her more time in practice. We're not certain when the next Angel might appear, and with Lead Pilot Ikari incapacitated we can't leave the status quo in place."

Misato's eyebrows knit slightly, but she remained silent.

Kozo continued, "I'd like to have you with me when we ask her to do so, and I would like to have you there when Pilot Soryu wakes up. She'll be disoriented, confused, and probably rather angry. Of anyone other than perhaps Lead Pilot Ikari, you stand the best chance at settling her down emotionally after what was a necessary intervention."

"Lieutenant Colonel Ikari is a better choice, sir," her head shook slightly. "My duty is to send them into danger. Hers is to help them understand and recover. The fact that she disagreed with us in overstaying this intervention will be a point in her favor, and Pilot Soryu will see directly through any attempt at prevarication. She's far more observant than Shinji is, at times."

"…And usually when it's least convenient," he sighed. "Fine, you both go. I don't feel it would be appropriate for me to be present when she regains consciousness, considering her past. It would send a _very_ incorrect message, and present an unnecessary stressor to an already volatile situation."

Misato's frown made an appearance, "Sir, I-"

"Am still my Sub-Commander," he finished for her, exuding confidence in his people. "I understand that we're all extraordinarily nervous at the fact that Lead Pilot Ikari hasn't regained consciousness. He's frequently ended up hospitalized after fights, but the only other instance we have on record of this with him, Lilith herself was holding him under to test him. We have to trust that she is not doing so now, as Captain Rose seems rather antagonistic to her and would likely call her out on it. Pilot Soryu is capable. Motivate her, get her to step up in his absence, and perhaps manage to keep the world turning so that he has one to wake up in." Standing from his desk, he gestured to the door, "Now, let's demonstrate why we make the money we do."

+++++ 14th Angel + 4: Saturday (93)

 _I understand the concept,_ Shinji sat on a barren rock orbiting a trinary system involving two medium-sized stars and one dwarf star, _I just…it's amazing to me how much there is out here. You know?_

 _I'm rather used to it, so I do apologize that I can't present the same enthusiasm,_ Ireul's head lay in his lap, her appearance far different than he would recognize were he aware of his present reality. _There's none in this area to harm. Why not try and place a fourth star? It would be good practice. If it goes poorly, simply recreate this system and try again._

 _You're sure?_ Turning, he looked back across the vast expanse of the local cluster, _There's no precursors to life on that fourth planet?_

 _Bacteria, fungi, nothing that will grow into sentient beings such as your former world held upon it. Besides,_ sitting up, her freckles glowed against her smile, _if this goes poorly you'll recreate them as well. You are the Lord of All Creation, My Love. You and I must bring life to all corners of your Realm, it is our duty._

Touching his fingers to lips that he'd never thought of in life, Shinji had a moment of doubt in himself, _Hikari Horaki was far more beautiful than I gave her credit for._

 _She fought valiantly,_ Ireul wasn't upset at the comment. Hikari's beauty was now hers, it was simply how life had been meant to turn out. _I promise, her death was painless in the end._

Shaking his head, he took another step on the path to ultimate control, _Let's give this a shot._ Setting Ireul's head aside, he stood and centered his mind, using the knowledge he'd gained of stellar formation as a meditative mantra. Holding one hand out, he halted the orbits of the three giant balls of gas, then spread them further apart and willed a fourth, larger, star into existence. Teasing everything to a proper distance, he set them in motion.

 _Close,_ Ireul stood herself at his side, hugging him. _But this might sting a little._

The resulting supernova from the missing component in the star Shinji had created was immediate, and the force washing over the planet they stood upon sent the pair flying backwards through a natural rock formation as the planet was obliterated. Bouncing, uncontrolled along the floor of his prison as reality reasserted itself, Shinji could only hope that the pain he was feeling might kill him, ending his misery.

+++++ 14th Angel + 4: Saturday (93)

"Tomorrow," Lilith stated, firmly, to Kozo and Misato after their request. "I don't agree. I don't _approve_. But if you feel that not doing so might compromise our caring for Lover, then that's what we must do." Standing in the hall, she turned and looked at Akane, Mikoto, and Nicolette, "One of you will come in at a time and sleep in the nearby room. There is a bed present. He regards each of you as someone he loves, and will be displeased if I do not force you to rest properly. Set up a rotation. Four hour nap, after the last person sleeps for four hours, the first goes back in for a real eight-hour rest."

"You're letting them in?" Misato glowered at the Second Angel, "What about the contamination?"

"I can shield _one_ of them," Lily replied, unfazed by the violet-haired beauty's ire. "As close as they are to him emotionally, they are not nearly as close as you. Even with my shield, you would be absorbed in an instant." When the other four humans turned to eye Misato, the elder being dropped the next bombshell, "Ritsuko Akagi will likely never be able to leave his side again. Suzuka Ikari is already tied to him permanently. Choices have been made that cannot be unmade, and he will be far angrier at me than you could ever hope to be for letting this happen. Hikari Ikari's choice burned him, because he doesn't have the strength to say 'No' to her. Until he finds it, even mapping his brain may not bring him out of the torpor he's fallen into." Turning back to the room, she dismissed the two nominally 'in charge' people with a wave, "Have food deposited at the far end of the hall. Feed his guards, and stay out of our hair."

+++++ 14th Angel + 4: Saturday (93)

"I honestly never believed I would say these words," Ritsuko panted breathlessly, "but we need to stop for today."

Shinji, his muscles taut, looked down at his wife with a disappointed frown, "Really? But…I was, uhm…I was really enjoying this. We don't need to be back to the lab for another three days."

"Shinji, sweetie, honey, love of my life, I _hurt_ ," she gave him a pained smile. "You may have given me immortality, and I may be looking forward to spending the rest of creation by your side, but I don't want to spend the rest of time with a permanent limp because I can't keep up with you _right now_."

"…Fair enough," easing her leg back up off her shoulder, he checked her workout clothes for tears or holes that he might need to mend. "You have a rip, right near your waist." Lightly touching the spot, still not willing to take liberties with the body of a woman he'd known much more intimately than he'd ever expected, he helped her stand with the other hand, "I'll mend it. Since you don't want to spend the money to buy new."

"The workout regimen you have us on would just tear them too," she smirked. "If you'd agree to do this naked, like I keep saying we should, I wouldn't be tearing my clothes constantly." Her emerald eyes sparkled as she restrained her laughter, "Nobody can get past any of the defenses, Shinji. We're the only humans for at least fifty kilometers in any direction. My cats may see us through the window, but that's the closest any living being will be to your _glorious_ nudity."

"I…." He blushed, unable to spit out the fact that he was afraid he might not be able to stop himself from changing their workout to something far less cardio intensive.

Doctor Ritsuko Akagi, however, was not a globally recognized genius for nothing, "Doing that more often might prompt me to spend a little less time in the lab." Dancing her fingers across his stomach, she winked seductively, "Something to consider."

Pulling her into a hug, he smiled as she worked her fingers under his shirt to play with his back, "I…don't want you to think I only love you for your body, Rits."

Slowly moving him towards the showers, she kept up the seduction, "How about I teach you while we love each other's bodies, then?" Her fingers slid lower, eliciting a thrill down his spine, "I am not ashamed of you for loving mine. The others had their chance to treat you with even moderate respect, Shinji. Now? Now I get to spend eternity finding new ways to show you how to mix business and pleasure." The ringtone from her phone drew his eyes and made him step back instinctively. He saw further pain and anger as her eyes grew instantly white-hot, and looked down to the ground as she picked up the device and speared the 'answer' icon, "This had better fucking be important. I have specifically instructed all of you to leave me alone for this block of time every day." She paused, "No, I will not put you on speaker, Lieutenant Ibuki. Whatever you think you have to say to him can go through me."

Shinji turned away and walked over to the window, the memories clambering along his mental fences trying to reach out and pull him towards their terrifying embrace. _She's protecting me. She's protecting me. She's protecting me._

"That sounds like a 'the rest of the world' problem, not a 'Shinji Akagi' problem. The less he interacts with the infected, the greater the likelihood they'll remain passive enough to be culled. The markers may be present, but he is not going to risk that kind of exposure simply because the United States doesn't believe in vaccinations anymore." She sighed in irritation, "They can launch if they want. The fallout from their weapons wouldn't even reach our territorial waters. All they'd be doing is hastening their own demise. Japan is protected by my husband, and I damn well intend to protect my husband from everyone else. Now, unless you have something important I'm hanging up, I was about to give him a lesson in _human biology_."

Hearing her hang up the phone after a few seconds without any other statements, he kept his eyes searching the horizon. There wasn't anything tall enough to hide in for any creature larger than an ant, he was safe. He was secure. _She_ wouldn't get him. "Do…do I need…."

"No." Her response was curt, "I have given the answer to the rest of the world, if they choose to not apply common sense science, that's their funeral. You are not responsible for the planet. You are responsible for _my health_ ," she took his arm and pulled him back towards the showers brusquely. "Everyone and everything else can burn for all I-"

Another door, another return to darkness. Giggling, he could see the liquid flames leaking to the floor below as he looked at his hands. He'd found the answer for the pain in his changed eye. He just had to accept the truth to stop it. He wasn't alive. _He was in hell_.

+++++ 14th Angel + 5: Sunday (94)

"It's like he knew each move before the Angel made it," Shigeru mused aloud as he watched the fight between Unit-01 and the Fourteenth Angel once again. "Even the part here," he gestured to where Shinji had been thrown away, "he used it to help him cripple that side of the Angel to set up the final few strikes. I mean, I'd say this was scripted if I knew I was watching wrestling."

"Maybe it was," the latest attempted replacement for Maya shrugged. "The rumors around the motor pool are all involving him being a divine spirit sent to keep us alive. They pray before each shift to a shrine dedicated to him."

"Disturbing," the guitarist muttered. "He's a teenager with a shit life, Tsubaki-san, not a spirit. This looks like the results of him practicing martial arts, not divine intervention."

"Maybe it's both?" Makoto set down everyone's lunch, having heard the tail end of the conversation, "Maybe he's a spirit that's cooperating with a teenaged Shinji. Two spirits in one soul, like twins that never developed into two different bodies."

"Maybe you need to read the MAGI logs and less Stephen King," Shigeru eyed his colleague. "Thanks for the lunch."

+++++ 14th Angel + 5: Sunday (94)

"I don't believe in love," Shinji paused at the doorway. Cold, dead, eyes taking in the three women standing in the room, "This is all that's left of the world because my father believed in that idiocy." Gesturing out to the land of the dead through the window behind them, he shrugged, "Love is a disease. It eats at you until you can't breathe. Whatever it is you think you feel for me? Kill it." He turned back around, "Before it kills you." Opening the door to continue his one-man assault on creation, he checked the wards protecting the last humans on Earth. He promised them safety after all, no matter how little he ultimately cared about them.

+++++ 14th Angel + 5: Sunday (94)

"You are telling me that I've been asleep for…what, was I too much of an inconvenience?" Glaring at Misato and unaware of Lily and Eve's presence, Asuka moved to stand, only to be restrained by Maya, "Hands off, Tentacles."

"Stop," Maya responded with just as much heat. "You don't know everything, and you are going to hurt yourself if you try and stand unassisted right now. If you want to move closer to slap her, I'll help you, but you are going to have to lean on me unless you want to break something in a fall."

The unexpected power from the one woman involved with Shinji she'd begun to respect gave the redhead pause, "…What I want is a shower." The statement was made as a demand, though one with conciliatory roots.

"I'll help you," Maya's eyes conveyed the pain she was suffering through. "So long as you agree to stay seated on the bench, I'll let you do it on your own and talk to you through the door." She'd not been home in days, and her own anger was her best weapon at the moment in corralling Asuka's, "This is a long story…and I'm only telling you it because Shinji would want you to know why you have to work harder than you've ever worked to be the best." Turning to eye Misato, or so the redhead believed, she surprised Asuka further, "Get out." Eve disappeared, and Lily left alongside the sub-commander. Both elder beings did not want to further irritate Maya, and Misato simply wanted to go back to not feeling anything again.

"…What happened?" Asuka wasn't stupid, and she knew she was going to need an ally, "Please tell me he's ok."

"Let's get you into the shower," placing herself under the pilot's shoulder, she helped her walk across the lab. "You stink."

+++++ 14th Angel + 5: Sunday (94)

"Great job, Shinji-kun!" Holding her hand up, closing her eyes, and smiling brightly, she waited for him to slap her hand. When the expected contact didn't occur, Rise Kujikawa opened one eye, "What's wrong?"

"I…uhm," he looked around, repositioning his spear to avoid hitting anything with it, "I just killed something." Not finding the corpse, or any signs of a struggle, he scratched his hair, "I know I did, because you told me I did a 'great job'. It was…white, bulbous, blue hat and scarf…I'm not dreaming it. I know I'm not."

"First time here, huh?" She reached forward with her raised hand and patted his chest, "Yeah. This can be pretty rough. Luckily, you have the Number One Guide in all of the TV World to help you find your way." Waving him on, she turned to move, "We'll talk more on the way, but we have to keep up to support the Investigation Team. You can be my bodyguard," she looked crossways at him, grinning. "You're about my age, seventeen right?"

"Y-yeah," the yellows and blacks surrounding them seemed garish and confusing. "I just uh…I just came back into town after being called by my father. Tripped on a cat and fell into a TV…if you can believe it."

"Welcome to Tokyo-Three," she spun through the doorway to the next room. "Lucky you! First day here, and you already get a girlfriend."

Pausing before the door, he blinked in confusion, "I get a what now?"

"Girlfriend," she tapped her chest. "You saved my life, Shinji-kun." Taking his hands, she bounced happily, "By international law of damsels in distress, that means you're now my boyfriend."

"I…ok?" Letting himself be pulled towards the door, he shrugged, "I don't know why someone like you would want someone like me, though. You're a megastar, I'm…nobody."

"Trust me," she winked, figuring that he'd be the one person to actually know her secret since he was also a transplanted returnee to the local area, "you only think you know me."

+++++ 14th Angel + 5: Sunday (94)

"I'd say I can't believe it," Asuka dried herself off with a warm towel, "but we've reached a point to where it's easier to just believe what someone says around here then disprove them later after a few conversations, than to disbelieve what they're saying and look like a complete moron." Taking the second towel and wrapping it about her body, she slowly opened the door, and was impressed as she saw Maya standing with her back turned further away. "So I've been asleep while the woman who brought Shinji forward in time but backward in his life experiences discusses how best to stop me from making mistakes with a woman she hates who lives in my head. That about sum it up?"

"There's some fine details that you're missing," Maya shrugged, "but yes. That's the basics."

Dressing herself slowly, she kept summarizing, "And your wife, somehow, can see potential futures. This ability has infected Shinji by him bringing her into his soul, which now means that he's stuck in his own mind as he's bombarded with visions of some sort."

She nodded, "Again, details are missing, but yes."

"Which means that as far as active Eva pilots go, I'm it," sliding her pants up, she sighed. "Not what I wanted to wake up to today." Something that had been mentioned earlier stuck out to her, "You were against what they did to me?"

"I wanted them to discuss with you what and why," Maya corrected. "I wanted them to wake you up and tell you why they needed to put you to sleep for a time to stop people from abusing, misusing, and making you do things you would never want to do."

"Turn around," Asuka ordered.

Turning and pausing, then turning back to the way she was facing, Maya frowned, "You're not wearing a top."

"I'm wearing a sports bra," she rolled her eyes. "I'm certain you've seen breasts before…though, you are kind of…petite."

The chief scientist in NERV clenched her hands tight, "Really? Are we really going to start poking at each other's physical flaws?"

"I didn't say it was a flaw, Tentacles. I said you're petite. It has to be pretty nice to not feel like someone's yanking down on your shoulders every time you go jogging." Asuka spun her finger, "Now turn around."

"What do you want?" Turning around, she'd controlled her anger as best she could, but the cracks were growing larger with every minute her husband was unconscious and lost.

The fiery redhead wasn't going to back down from a fight, "Look me in the eye, and tell me that you love him."

There was zero hesitation, "I love him. I love him so much I can't stand it. I love him to distraction. I love him enough that the thought of him never waking up again has made me nauseous. I love him so much that I haven't gone home since he fell. I love him so much that I nearly started a fight with my wife over e-mails because we can't speak mentally with each other until Shinji wakes up apparently. I love him, and it's her damn fault that he's not here to hold you and tell you that it's all right, that you'll be ok. That we'll be here to support you after people have been messing around in your head for _years_."

"Yeah, believe me I'm not feeling warm and fuzzy about that," Asuka grimaced. "But I'm holding onto a memory of him holding me as I spazzed out on him. Of waking up and being told by _you_ that everything would be ok. He was helping them fix me, wasn't he?" Accepting Maya's nod, she sighed, "Ok…then if I want to see the people who were doing this to me, he needs to show me them?"

Maya shook her head, "Asuka, that's going to mean-"

"Accepting _you_ ," the redhead placed her finger against the other woman's nose. "I'll never accept what Hikari's done to him. If he'd chosen you, first, I honestly believe you two would be off on your own and happy. You wouldn't force him to take in others. You wouldn't demand he bring you into his soul if there was any doubt that it would end well. I haven't been here to draw the line for him, and it's clear you won't. Like it or not, Tentacles, I'm a part of him. Especially since it sounds like the only way to get the freeloading bitch out of my head."

 _I would say I pay my upkeep, child,_ Eve pulsed into being next to Maya.

Without hesitation, Asuka launched a one-two combination punch that would have been formidable against a tangible opponent. When the second jab hit nothing but air, Asuka put herself between Maya and the specter and pushed the older woman back, "Ok…hallucinating. Maya, please tell me that I'm not hallucinating."

"Calm," gripping the pilot on the upper arms, Maya moved to stand alongside her in a side-hug, "calm. Eve-san, you might have wanted to introduce yourself with a bit more grace. Asuka is very understandably on edge right now, and this didn't help."

 _She should have recognized my voice,_ the elder being shrugged. _She's heard it for years._

Asuka snapped, "Yeah, telling me to stay in my room, to avoid Shinji, to-"

 _To do those things that would reduce the likelihood of you gathering intelligence that would be passed along to those that would seek to kill the only hope your world has of continuing on its merry way,_ Eve interrupted. _When you ignored me, terrible things happened. When you listened, they didn't._

"Whatever," she growled. "Maybe you could have told me there was something fucking with my brain, hmm? Then I tell Shinji, and the problem gets fixed. Instead, you let me twist in the wind until I finally decide to ignore you."

Eve's retort was calm, _I would no more trust my…former enemy, than you would trust Klaus, child_.

Asuka crossed her arms, "Sounds like I should have trusted this Lily, instead of you. Why don't you get out of my head and leave me be?"

 _I would if I could, believe me._ She toyed with her hair, _Shinji seems much more appealing. Unfortunately, until you're in a condition you would consider 'normal' I must remain within your soul._

Maya interjected, hoping to short-circuit the catfight, "What's 'normal'?"

 _Only she'd know,_ Eve shrugged. _The instant she believes it of herself, I will gladly leave._

"Normal is so stupidly subjective that there is no possible way of declaring it extant," Asuka snorted. "That's like saying you want something 'now'. When is that? Immediately? Next week? You can't just accept that I want you gone and get out?" As her unwanted passenger shook her head, she groaned, "Fine. Whatever. Let's go. I want to see Shinji before I do anything with Unit-02."

"I can't let you in," Maya shook her head. "Anyone who goes in risks contaminating him. We're not letting _anyone_ but those necessary medically near him. That includes me, and I'm already tied into his soul."

 _And yet, the eternal woman stays at his side,_ Eve mentioned with casual eagerness.

"Feel free to argue with her." Maya smiled viciously enough that even Asuka was impressed, comfortable with sending her anger towards the woman before her, "I'd enjoy watching you get killed for doing so. Don't think I'm on your side, Eve. You've abused Asuka's trust, you've made her feel that children are all replacements for her instead of chances to shape the future. You've reminded her needlessly of a terrible time in her life. You've kept her from Shinji without explaining why. She is who she is _despite_ you, not because of you. I'm sure you can understand why I'm not terribly worried about your comfort." Picking up Asuka's shirt, she handed it to the fiery pilot, "Let's go. I want to finish telling you what's happened before you start practicing anyway."

+++++ 14th Angel + 5: Sunday (94)

"It didn't need to be like this," Shinji stated without much concern. "A letter. A call. Even a post card with 'wish you were here', as much of a lie as that would have been." Moving the large oaken desk out of the way as if it weighed nothing more than a piece of paper, he considered the face of the man that claimed to be his father, "Do you know which straw was the last one?"

"She's a clone of your mother and an Angel, Shinji," Gendo refused to cower in the face of his death. "I would not let you do that, knowing what you would feel when you found out."

"Why don't I believe that you haven't yourself, hmm?" Bending down, he tilted his head, "She's not your toy. She's a living being." Picking him up by the throat, he frowned, "And for the record, I wasn't interested in her sexually. Believe it or not, I'm much more interested in the woman who pretends to be my guardian." A light squeeze was all it took to separate head from torso, "I just wanted to take Rei out for ice cream. To show her that she could have friends. And you had to control even that."

Walking back out of the room, he shook his head and wondered whether he'd be lauded or pilloried for his actions.

+++++ 14th Angel + 6: Monday (95)

"Controls are sluggish," Asuka replied, scowling down at her yoke. "Whatever happened, I can't seem to get him to respond quickly."

"She's at seventy five percent," Maya gestured to the number on the screen. "Seven points is a big decrease, but she's right. Response time is at a point where I'd have guessed she was at no higher than fifty."

Misato, given something to focus on beyond having yet another man she loved ripped from her life, had devoted herself to perfecting Asuka in combat, "Ok. Diagnostics on the systems. I want an analysis on the connection between the two of them right away. Asuka, we're changing the plans for today. I want you to sit down and focus, take everything back to Eva one-oh-one and feel the entire system from nose to toes. You feel something out of place, call it out. Makoto-kun, you will do nothing but log those comments. Do we all know our roles?"

Unit-02 placed itself in a seated position, "Yes, ma'am." The redheaded pilot could appreciate the need to return to basics, and truly appreciated the fact that Misato wasn't mollycoddling anyone. If she was the line between success and failure, she needed everyone on that bridge acting at their best. She wouldn't fail. She _couldn't_ fail.

+++++ 14th Angel + 6: Monday (95)

Standing on a stage, Shinji played his guitar as if he'd forgotten he was holding it. His eyes were off on the horizon, his mind lost on the muse that had gifted him the song he played. The 'house' was empty before showtime, nobody around to listen to him as he worked off some nervous energy before the big concert. Staging a talent show seemed a ridiculous thing to do during a war, but so was going to school at all in the first place. And yet, here he was. Fast-talked into performing for an audience of his peers, placing another brick on the pedestal that everyone else in his peer group had placed him upon. If it hadn't been for her….

"Hey, Baby," Kodama's voice carried from the door. "I thought I'd find you here."

And there she was. The inspiration for everything he'd done the past five years. Ever since meeting her in middle school after his mother called him back to Tokyo-3, Kodama Horaki had been his everything. Even though her first act as class rep was to hold him after for showing up late to class after getting lost, an act she swore wasn't simply to have him to herself, he'd never believed her capable of doing anything wrong. As Seniors, they'd been granted permission to marry. With a few months left in school, they were already considering having a child.

Dancing between the entrance and the stage, she moved in all the ways that had driven him mad with passion, "I can't wait to see the looks on everyone's faces when you show them this song." Blowing him a kiss, she winked, "My rockstar hotshot pilot."

His one regret, the one he'd never admit to, was that she'd never hear him say he loved her. His father had made certain of that when he was born. It was only through the music he wrote that she heard his 'voice', and he hoped that would ever be enough.

+++++ 14th Angel + 6: Monday (95)

"You don't look like that went well," Kelly stated, hoping that by saying so Kodama wouldn't blow up. It was difficult for her to get a read on the Nurse, as she was every ounce a professional until she chose not to be. "Is…everything ok?"

"Peachy," Kodama snorted. "Nozomi just had a vision that set Sakura into a mental lockdown, and Hikari snapped at Yang for doing what she could to help because the vision involved something Hikari didn't want to hear."

"I'm sorry," she replied honestly. "I'm probably just adding to the stress here."

"No, no," the busty nurse waved off the concern fiercely. "I'm upset at _Hiki_ , not you. You, Kelly, are kind of my escape hatch. If I feel like I'm about to lose my calm and start chewing heads off, I come here and remind myself I'm better than that." Setting up the tray for a bed bath, she blew out a heavy breath and looked up with a smile, "I cannot thank you enough for losing everything important to you so that you could serve as my personal stress ball."

"Well, one does what one can," Kelly laughed, familiar enough with gallows humor to see it easily.

+++++ 14th Angel + 7: Tuesday (96)

With his hood up, he blended in as well as any professional athlete could ever hope to in a crowd of much smaller people. There was only so much clothing could do to mask his height, his frame, his poise. Walking through the open-air markets of India he stuck out like a sore thumb, but there was a form of refuge in the audacity of moving around in the one place he'd look most out of place in. Nobody here thought 'Eva pilot' when they saw him, just 'foreigner'. It meant they were safe, as the hounds wouldn't kill them for being near him. It meant he was safe, because he was just passing through. Just another day in a life that he couldn't end of his own accord.

+++++ 14th Angel + 7: Tuesday (96)

"Hey Class Rep," Kensuke greeted Hikari as he walked in the classroom. "Hey Shi…uh, Shinji-kun?" Looking between Tsuru, Yang, and Hikari, he began to feel a sudden need to be anywhere else, "He…uh, he in the bathroom?"

"Shinji-kun is being kept for observation at NERV," Tsuru answered for the woman she'd like to believe actually loved her. "Any further information is classified. I apologize, Aida-san."

"Yeah, no, totally," he kept scooting further from Hikari, sensing a great deal of danger in remaining in close proximity to her. "If, uh…you know, I doubt I can help but I'm willing to do what I can."

"We appreciate that," Yang kept her eyes on the board, her anger reserved for the one woman who she felt deserved it most. "We'll let you know if you can, Ken-san."

Finally breaking 'social speaking' distance, he hurried to his desk and carefully occupied his time in ways that wouldn't pop the cork on whatever the woman he'd known for over ten years was bottling up. He could see rage growing in her, the kind that he'd only seen once before. This time, however, there was no Toji Suzuhara to incite it. Posting to a secret user group that he knew she wasn't aware of, he asked the only sane question: 'Has anyone heard about Shinji considering divorce?'

+++++ 14th Angel + 7: Tuesday (96)

Another life, another series of tragedies, and once more Shinji stood in the dark reaches of his own personal hell. His eye now glowed constantly, lit by azure flames that scorched everything they touched. He'd lost any conceivable means of tracking time, even the endless procession of lives had long since blurred together into one string of misery. The voices of those he'd once known tormented him, comforted him, begged him to go, to stay, to live, to die…without pause.

He couldn't do anything. If he wept, no one listened. If he raged, no one cared. Striking at the invisible boundaries of his prison yielded nothing. There was no pain, no damage, no sweet relief of unconsciousness. Holding his breath was pointless. Chewing on his arm to tear out the vein only brought the next vision on sooner. He was alone, surrounded by the ghosts of the future. He was alone, and he couldn't hear himself think.

+++++ 14th Angel + 7: Tuesday (96)

"No, here," Asuka tapped the screen over Maya's shoulder. "See? That weird harmonic right there. I was checking the battle data from the Tenth, when I was stuck in the muck? This wasn't there." Moving over to another terminal, she pulled up each of her appearances in battle, "None of them show that bit right there. Is it an echo? Whatever it is, it's introducing the lag I bet."

"Might just be," Maya looked between the sample data, blowing her cheeks out and thinking through what would be affecting that particular area of Asuka's connection with Unit-02. "This is good, Asuka. This is very good. Thank you, it's at least another avenue to consider."

The proud smile of receiving genuine, authoritative, praise the redhead felt inside was more outwardly subdued as she shrugged, "We're all trying our best, right? You've been looking over Unit-02 from a technical standpoint, which is where you should be looking from your position. This is the crap Makoto should have caught, though. Which is why I focused there."

"He's…not been keeping up," Maya nodded, absorbed in the data. "Honestly, I've been meaning to talk to Misato about it, but I haven't had the time with needing to do my job and Ritsuko's job."

"How about we do it together, over dinner?" Asuka intentionally shut off the monitors and not the terminal by pulling the plugs out.

"Hey, hey!" Looking incredulously at the pilot, the Lieutenant Colonel stood and reached for the cables, "I need to-"

"Eat." Shinji's would-be protector tossed the cords down on the floor, "My Lead would not forgive me for letting his wife run herself into the ground." Standing taller, she pointed to the door, "We can compromise," Maya's blush confused her for a second before she pressed on, "the two of us go get three dinners, take them to Misato's office, and force her to eat too. We discuss this project while we eat, that way nobody's wasting time but everyone's doing what they ought to."

Maya's scowl dropped as her stomach reminded her that she was, in fact, still human. "…Don't make a habit of this."

"Don't make me make a habit of this," Asuka countered. "Running ourselves into the ground isn't going to help him. Let's set a schedule, twice a day, to at least get something to eat. You watch my back, I watch yours, we watch Misato's." Holding out her hand, she smiled the smile of one who knows they've already won, "Deal?"

+++++ 14th Angel + 8: Wednesday (97)

"I'm telling you," Misato laughed, not believing that they wouldn't believe her, "it's true!"

Shinji looked to Pen-Pen, "She's finally cracked."

The aquatic avian warked his concurrence, shaking his plume sadly.

"You can disbelieve me all you want," the violet-haired bombshell pointed to the television, "but I saw Rei-chan crawl _out of the TV_."

+++++ 14th Angel + 8: Wednesday (97)

"One of the problems you children have," the polite entity's lips were tightly turned downwards as they worked, "is that you ignore the data that's constantly bombarding you that you're making mistakes. Pain, as an example, is an indicator that something's gone wrong with the body and it needs to be addressed." Setting down the scalpel, they flexed their hand several times to restore proper circulation, "Instead of acting, you ignore it. Instead of seeking out a doctor, or a priest, or a friend, you just pretend it isn't there. You build up social conventions around belittling others for seeking help. You refuse to fund research that would find out why some live in constant fear of pain that isn't there. It's avoidance behavior, and in the end it's why you're here."

A knock at the door distracted both parties, "Delivery. Anybody home? I need a signature."

"Oh me, oh my," a silent sigh escaped. "I'm terribly sorry, but it looks like I need to leave this job half done. Please, do apologize to them for me, would you?" Fading into the shadows, they disappeared with a bone-chilling smile.

+++++ 14th Angel + 8: Wednesday (97)

"Oh, it's no problem, Mister Ikari," the well-proportioned secretary simpered, "you know _any_ of us would _love_ to help."

"I appreciate that," Shinji coughed, blushing slightly with embarrassment. "I trust you'll make sure he gets it? He's asked several times today alone for the production stills, and I'm worried that he'll cancel the contract."

"Not if he wants to keep his staff, he won't," Hikari walked into the room, taking over the scene by her mere presence. "How are you, Shinji-kun? I haven't seen you lately." Dismissing the gaggle of assistants that had gathered to preen and posture in hopes of catching the eye of the most eligible bachelor in Japan, she smiled her comforting smile, "Problems on the home front?"

"My sister still refuses to accept that the war's over," he replied quietly. "Hundreds of thousands of Yen a month, and no progress from any of the psychologists. I'm only here in person today because it was either leave the house and not lose my temper or stay and get in another fight with the one woman who knows all of my buttons." Scrubbing his fingers through his hair, he shook his head, "I'm sorry, Hikari-san. I doubt you want to listen to me bellyache when you're at work."

"How about listening to you over dinner, then?" Her smile remained steady, "As it happens, I have the rest of the evening off. It sounds like you need a break too."

"Oh, Miss Horaki," one of the staff tried to undercut her, "the chairman will likely need help tonight with the Futaba Inc, account."

"Great," Hikari countered easily. "Thank you for volunteering. I look forward to fantastic results, Chise-san." Turning to gesture towards the door, she returned her focus to Shinji, "Did you drive here? If not, we could take my car."

"I…uh," moving towards the door, Shinji lowered his voice, "is this going to be ok with Toji-san? I wouldn't want to get you in trouble, Hikari-san."

"Why would he matter?" She passed through the door to the hall, "He's had ten years after the war ended to ask me to dinner. I understand a thing or two about waiting, Shinji." Her sidelong glance promised things he'd find interesting, "I _can_ just call you Shinji, right? We've known each other for so-"

As the darkness swallowed him, Shinji set the area around him aflame. Everywhere he looked, fire erupted. If he needed, he'd burn the world to the ground to escape. To die. To no longer have to listen to-

+++++ 14th Angel + 8: Wednesday (97)

"An explosion tore through an apartment complex in downtown Madrid today as-"

Pressing mute on the television, Philip carefully set the remote down and pushed himself away from his desk. He'd warned the local police to stay out of the line of fire. He'd warned the CNI to not do anything without communicating with the UNIGC. He had worked with every single intelligence agency globally to make it explicitly clear to everyone that might even conceive of making a play for anyone even tangentially associated with SEELE that the utmost caution needed to be taken. And now there were twenty-five dead civilians and at least as many dead agents from Spain's various agencies to remind the rest of the world that he wasn't in the habit of overselling danger.

Standing, hoping that by doing so he wouldn't begin to smash his fist against the desk, he walked over to the television and turned it off by hand. He'd have a report on his desk within the hour, containing much better details than any news service could provide. He had two sources of potential information that were conscious but incommunicative. His third, and far more dear source, was unconscious and showed no signs of changing her status. He was failing, an action he was not accustomed to engaging in. He was failing, and people were dying for his sins.

+++++ 14th Angel + 9: Thursday (98)

"Narusegawa-san," Shinji held the woman's fist in his grip as gently as he could without letting her withdraw it, "I have faced eldritch beings that would dwarf this quaint little inn. I have stood with only my spear before thousands of soldiers, hundreds of tanks, entire wings of aircraft of all shapes and sizes. I have stared down elder gods, devils, and assorted beings in between. Even if I, somehow, wished to harm anyone who sheltered here…do you honestly think _you_ could do anything to stop me?" Releasing his hold over her hand, he let a hint of a scowl show through, "Now, let's try this again. My name is Shinji Ikari, it's nice to meet you. I'll be outside, waiting for her to finish saying what she will to you before our date."

+++++ 14th Angel + 9: Thursday (98)

"When are you coming home?" Hikari tried not to pre-load the question with the anger she was feeling at the woman that should have been there to comfort her first and foremost, that should have been there to accept her comfort in return. "It's been over a week."

"When I can bring him with me, or when I am confident that everyone will be safe in the event of another Angel attack." Maya's voice was just as unnaturally steady, her own wrath tightly constrained with the woman she still loved, despite everything, "I assume you've managed to keep everyone there engaged. With so many people in the house it has to be busy."

"Is that it? Is that why you haven't come home?" The anger crept further out, "I'm not replacing you, either of you."

"No, Hikari. That's not why I haven't come home," Maya retained her control. "Asuka and I have been busting our asses trying to make sure that the world stays in the same state he left it in, I have slept maybe a total of nine hours this week. To be honest, if it wasn't for her I would be forgetting to eat. I can't get into it, but we-"

Hikari scoffed, "And you're giving me grief over having Tsuru and Yang here? You're spending time with _Asuka_ of all people?"

"I am spending time with a young woman who has been abused just as much as Shinji, or Rei, ever was." Maya's voice was ice, "She happens to be the best source of information on the issues we are having, and has been invaluable in the process of providing our husband with some much needed support in the field. Whatever accusations you believe I am making are fabrications you have created from whole cloth. Any thoughts you have of me spending time with another woman are the same. I love you, and I will call you again when I have a few spare moments."

"Don't you-" Pulling the phone from her ear, she noted the 'call terminated' screen and quickly hit the speed dial for Maya's phone. When it went directly to voicemail, she slammed the device down on the table, "Damn it!"

+++++ 14th Angel + 9: Thursday (98)

He couldn't see out of his eye, the flesh surrounding the orb having swollen shut. The ear on the same side was producing a dull ring and little else. Despite this, his lip had curled off to that side in a victorious grin. He'd won. After everything, after the suffering, the death, the chaos, he'd won. Collapsing down to one knee, he struggled not to fall further. The Millennium Earl, the Creator, Adam himself was nothing but ashes before him. Fighting back to his feet, he watched as several other agents swarmed the site to capture as much of the ash as they could. "She can rest now," his voice was slurred as the world tilted, "she can rest…."

+++++ 14th Angel + 9: Thursday (98)

"We're down to two council members," Kozo reported to the UN High Command. "Our cooperation with the IGC has continued to be without reservation, and at this time I do not believe it would be appropriate to remove any of the assets in place. Considering our successes, it would be premature at best."

"SEELE is nearly defeated," Gretchen agreed, "but nearly is not completely. If we do not hold our foot to the throat of this vile dog, we risk it biting us as we depart. As expensive as it might be, reducing or removing those funds would signal a grave mistake on our part."

"The attack on Madrid should prove our point, if nothing else," Philip tapped his fist on the table. "Our cooperation with NERV has been excellent, and yet our cooperation with the various global intelligence services has suffered. Complacency, ladies and gentlemen, is our greatest enemy. Will we sit by and let the world that Shinji Ikari has bled for burn because we were too stubborn to learn to work together? Will he never know rest because we are too arrogant to carry our own water?"

"NSA reported the potential for SEELE's presence in Spain a week ago," the American representative stated calmly. "General Benoit himself agreed with the assessment and asked that all available assets maintain vigilance. As strained as things have become, we offered to support our friends in southwestern Europe with increased satellite coverage. Our offer was…declined."

The Secretary General listened to the final piece of information with a sad frown, "It would seem His Grace has not yet manage to teach us all the lesson of forgiveness." Looking over to the European Union's representation, the elder statesman gave their decision, "The UNIGC remains in Japan until such a time as we are confident that the stain on mankind's soul has been erased. The blood of His Grace has given us a chance at salvation, we will not play the role of the Iscariot."

+++++ 14th Angel + 10: Friday (99)

"You push, and you push, and you push," Shinji sat atop the corpse of Unit-00, his spear dug into the flank of the alabaster titan. "All I hear from you is, 'Shinji, you can't. Shinji, you shouldn't. Shinji, you don't understand'." His eyes held Misato's, a predator at rest, "I have killed every enemy you pointed me towards. I have ignored everyone else. And now…now that you're the only woman left you tell me that you love me?" Freeing his weapon, he slid down to the ground to walk slowly towards the lady who'd taken him in, "Is that supposed to mean something? Am I supposed to just love you in return because you said something? The beatings, the beratings, the complete and total lack of trust? Before I killed her, before she could freeze everyone to death, Rei told me that I was the perfect man. That I was _special_." As he walked past the woman who'd owned his leash, he let her know the game had changed, "The perfect man doesn't need to sully himself with _trash_."

+++++ 14th Angel + 10: Friday (99)

"Is it supposed to hurt like this?" Ritsuko leaned against a desk next to Suzuka, hoping that the only other slightly human woman might have an answer, "I know I made the choice to do what I can, so don't give me-"

"Be silent," Suzuka ordered calmly. "You are not asking because you are complaining, I understand your question, doctor. Yes, I feel the same pain you do. Shinji is emoting pain at a nearly intolerable level, even for one such as I. Whatever it is that he sees is beyond my ability to describe."

The quarter-blonde grimaced, "So he doesn't normally do this…."

"There is pain, from time to time, as he considers himself a failure. Or when he brings joy to another with physical pleasure." The eternal woman looked over to the latest to be tied to the man that would be her husband, "I nearly wept when he and I parted the first time we made love. The _hate_ he had for himself afterwards was tangible, visceral. I was left with the choice to either excuse myself or explain why I was crying after experiencing the joy he brought me. He puts his heart into everything, doctor."

"…Even hating himself," Ritsuko sighed.

+++++ 14th Angel + 10: Friday (99)

Picking up the tennis ball, Shinji threw it as far as physics allowed such a lightweight object to travel. The dog that had decided it belonged to him raced off down the beach, happy to continue the game. Frequently that meant going out of sight of the man throwing his favored toy, but that was all right. It was easy for the animal to track him down again. It's not like Shinji had anywhere to go. There wasn't anyone else alive. He'd made the perfect world for him, a world without any other humans in it. And so, immortal and unaging, he played with the local animals. In the end, they were better conversationalists anyway.

+++++ 14th Angel + 10: Friday (99)

Kiyomi listened, as was only polite, as Hikari demanded that she be allowed to go somewhere other than school or home. The Captain in the Japanese Army was, in her own mind, extraordinarily professional under supremely trying circumstances. The orders had come down from three different chains, Misato Katsuragi, the UN, and her own leadership: Her Grace, the Duchess, was not allowed to go anywhere but those two places, and _never_ near NERV's Tokyo-3 branch. The Class Representative was loquacious, she'd never deny that fact, but she wasn't gifted strongly enough in the art to talk herself out of this.

"Your Grace," she shook her head, "Sergeants Yamada and Hinata are following my orders. Further attempts at unauthorized departure will result in increasingly strict confinement. I will, this once, overlook this as a misunderstanding and not file a written report that would be forwarded to His Grace upon his recovery. As a reminder, and in recognition of the difficulties you are experiencing during this trying time, please allow me to list the locations you are authorized to travel between. During the hours of…."

+++++ 14th Angel + 10: Friday (99)

"You are, without question, the biggest waste of carbon I have ever seen in my short life," Asuka kicked him in the ribs. "You can't even manage to make a simple sausage right," another kick. "You can't clean my clothes without folding them wrong," another kick. "Tell me," stepping firmly on his neck, she leaned in, "now."

He could feel something jabbing him in the lungs, "I'm…sorry…Asuka…."

"You're right. You _are_ sorry. You're pathetic. You're worthless. You're nothing." Grinding down with her heel, she kept his airway closed, "It's your fault I'm back here. It's your fault I'm stuck here. So get your worthless ass up, and get it right this time." Pushing him away, she turned and floated back to the sofa, "And clean up the blood before bedtime, I don't want to slip and hurt myself."

Forced by autonomic processes to take in air, he laid on the ground and lamented that she'd shown restraint. She'd almost done it, this time. He could feel the rib knitting itself together, growing stronger. Soon, she wouldn't be able to kill him by beating him. She'd _have_ to choke him to death. It was the only chance he had of release.

+++++ 14th Angel + 11: Saturday (100)

"No, no," Asuka drew the assembly out on the margin of the report, "see? Maya's absolutely right. Corrosion from the damn LCL! Somehow, and I am _not_ blaming Engineering, the gaskets have been leaking into that section. That's caused the Eva to have to fight against the armor instead of the armor assisting the Eva. Unit-02 is working twice as hard, because while we may not _like_ the laws of physics, we do have to _obey_ them."

"Ok, but how did we miss this?" Misato chewed on the bland cafeteria food, missing Shinji that much more, looking between the two women she'd never expected to get along as well as they were, "I mean, isn't this something a diagnostic would pick up on?"

Maya finished swallowing, then shook her head, "Not if Hyuga-kun isn't reporting the discrepancy. The techs that are replacing the part are following procedures for every other gasket, which is replacement after so many thousand repetitions. The process drains the excess LCL, which wouldn't be noticed because the LCL from _everywhere_ is being drained. It's like looking for an extra quart by eye-test when you're surrounded by ten thousand gallons."

The lavender-haired Colonel nodded, "Ok. Then there's only one thing we can do right now." Stabbing the number for Section Two, she hit speaker and sighed.

A cordial voice responded after a single ring, "Section Two, how can we help you ma'am?"

"I need Makoto Hyuga detained. He is not to have any contact with anyone until I assign someone to debrief him. I don't care where he is, he comes in immediately." This was her subordinate, a man she'd known was a bit of a slacker but had always come through when it counted. But the evidence before her was beyond damning, "Don't worry about being gentle."

The same cordiality remained, the woman speaking didn't need an explanation from the second in command, "Understood ma'am. Dispatching a team now."

Closing the connection, she waggled her chopsticks against her plate and thought through what would need to be done to arrange for two of her 'bridge bunnies' needing to be replaced, "You aren't making this easy, Maya. I can't find a replacement for you, and now I need to replace you and Hyuga."

"It's not her fault she's the best woman you have in this entire organization," Asuka snorted. "At least replacing someone who apparently doesn't do any actual work should be easy by comparison. Just take someone that couldn't hack her job and try them in the pervert's seat." Noticing Maya's wince, she frowned, "What?"

"You had a tendency to call Shinji a 'perverted idiot' in your past life," Misato explained quietly. "You've studied psychology, you know the rest."

"A…pervert?" Asuka blinked, looking between the two other women, " _Shinji_? He couldn't be perverted if you paid him to. He couldn't be perverted if you threatened die kleinen Puppen. Are we sure that we're all the same people? I mean, wouldn't Shinji have noticed that Hyuga was still worthless? That this bint that killed his friend wasn't trustworthy?"

"We're not, not really," Maya shook her head. "I remember both timelines, and I know I've changed. Things didn't happen the same way both times, three years of difference if nothing else, but our core personalities are the same. I honestly think the difference with you, Asuka…is what was done to you. You gave Shinji a chance this time that you never would have, and he had an entire year of learning to deal with you that overprepared him for the woman that you've become."

"That's fine, then," the redhead announced. "Because I'm not her. I don't care who I have to go against, I'm not going to let Shinji be hurt anymore. He stood up for me, he fought for me, he's listened to me when nobody else would." Rolling her hand towards Maya's tray, she frowned, "C'mon, Tentacles. You and I have work to do to get Unit-02 ready to defend everyone."

+++++ 14th Angel + 11: Saturday (100)

"Is twelve billion years too long for a planet?" Shinji stood on the bridge of the vessel he'd borrowed from Rose, watching the final moments of the planet he'd called home for the first two decades of his life. "Billion. With a 'b', mind."

"I can't say, Pup," Maya sheltered under his arm, enjoying the company far more than the morbid fascination with the scene of the worst of their suffering. "It's been more than seven and a half billion years since we set foot on it. To be honest, the most likely scenario was only another five hundred million years of human habitation under the most optimal, non-stupidity induced, circumstances. That means, give or take, seven billion years of whatever happened after the sun grew too hot to allow oxygen producing plants to survive."

"Hmm," he nodded, showing he was listening even as he kept his thoughts to himself.

She eyed him sideways, "Was watching this really how you wanted to spend our anniversary?"

"I want to see it for myself, Kitten." His voice was cold, "This…bane of existence. The source of everything terrible in all of Creation. I want to watch it crumble to nothing as the sun swallows it whole." His tone softened momentarily, though his eyes never left the sight before them, "I'll spend the next few years making it up to you. I'm thinking a long vacation in the Garden. I know you really like the food there."

"You hate the Garden," she blinked, surprised that he'd willingly subject himself to so many women at once.

"I love you more than I hate it," a gentle smile crossed his lips. "You've never asked me to go back. That's on you, dear."

Slipping between him and the railing, she snuggled against his muscled abs, "Promise me you'll sing for us."

"I'll perform," he enjoyed the feel of her shoulders. "Sing, play the cello, even dance. I'm serious, Maya. I am sorry that this is our anniversary, but I _need_ this. A hundred years in the Garden is easily worth it to me."

Setting her hips to shimmying, she began her campaign, "You'll let me brag about how you're all mine?"

"To everyone and anyone you want to," he knew what was coming, but she'd have to earn it.

Her hands subtly worked the zipper on her overalls down, "You'll take me near the window, so they'll all be jealous?"

"As often as you want me to." Tidal forces began cracking the Earth's surface apart.

Her clothes hit the floor, revealing that she'd not been wearing anything underneath, "I want you to fuck me while it burns."

"Ever your faithful servant, my dearest love." Her hatred of the planet was as deep as his, he knew this to be true. She, unlike him, still wished to pretend that she didn't care what had been done to them both there. He, unlike her, refused to lie to anyone about the reason he'd ordered this system sealed off. It wasn't the greatest sex ever, the bridge was rather cold, but the spice of watching the last possible traces of _her_ existence wiped from reality in nuclear flame did add something special.

+++++ 14th Angel + 11: Saturday (100)

"It's been ten days," Misato stated quietly, not wanting to draw attention to what might become a serious disagreement. "I know you're angry with her, and I appreciate that you want to make sure that we can defend ourselves, but she's your wife."

Maya sighed, "I'm responsible for three billion lives, Misato. She's not alone. I don't have anyone here but colleagues, Asuka, and you, she has people she's interested in there. Until I know that I've done everything I can to keep her alive long enough for us to have this out, she has to accept the fact that I have serious responsibilities."

The woman spoke, the sub-commander on a break for the moment, "She says you've turned off your phone. The fact that I can call you, but she can't, means you've blocked her number. Maya, what's really going on? He wouldn't want his household to fall apart. Talk to me."

"I can't be distracted every five minutes by her calling or texting me," she shrugged. "I'm back to doing both Ritsuko's job and my own. Even worse, I'm now doing most of Makoto's job too. If we bring her here for me to speak to while I walk around, we risk her making Shinji's situation worse by increasing proximity. If I leave to go home to talk to her, that's at least twenty minutes travel in each direction, plus however long of a conversation, that I'm not working to make sure the planet doesn't end up wiped of all life."

"And you can't," Misato waggled her fingers at her own forehead.

"Apparently not so long as he's wherever he is," Maya shook her head. "I tried to talk to her yesterday-"

"Thursday. She sent me the call logs."

"…Ok, two days ago. Regardless," she glared at her friend, "she accused me of preferring to spend time around Asuka. She mistook my original statement as accusing her of 'cheating', which is logically bizarre in a relationship such as ours where she has free reign of the women in the house, and set back my analysis by five hours for how angry I became." Her eyebrow raised, "If the next Angel attacked right now, I'd need at least two hours to finish prepping Unit-02 to fight at optimal capacity. That's with _everyone_ working to assist me. Which would handicap us that much more if we survived for the next Angel," she raised her voice, intending to make it clear that it wasn't break time, "because of everything that everyone else is supposed to be working on!"

Watching people scatter to redouble their efforts, Misato scratched at her head, "Ok."

Maya's brow knit, "Ok?"

"Ok. It's time for me to take an active hand. You are my second best employee, behind the man that would be able to make all of this better if he just woke the hell up, and if you say you can't slow down…you can't slow down." Pulling out her phone, she pulled up the messaging service, "Let's go. You can work and dictate at the same time, and I'll send a message to Hikari-chan. I can let the budget work pile up a bit, while I smooth this mountain out some."

+++++ Author's Notes

Starfire99:

RE: Noelle.

It hurt to write the scenes, I agree. Unfortunately, not everyone gets their happy ending.

RE: Shinji's experiences.

Yep. He's stuck in the memories of a dead multiverse, just like Rose worried about a while ago. Hikari, as the kids say, 'done goofed'.

JaceSterne:

RE: Post-Zeruel Vision Journeys.

You are correct. I kept the metronome consistent so that readers would see both Shinji's crumbling perspective as countless dead memories crawled through his mind, and the decaying reality the rest of the cast calls home as their barycenter is lost to time.

I promise, this won't drag on too long, but you don't break a mind in a single day. At least, not one that's not already teetering on the brink.


	108. Chapter 108

+++++ 14th Angel + 11: Saturday (100)

It was a long walk home from school, not that Shinji minded terribly. It gave him time to think, to take stock of what had happened, to put it all in perspective. He knew he wasn't 'neurotypical' as his teachers put it, and most of the people in Ogawa accepted that he needed a little more time to process what everyone else managed quickly. There were bullies, there were _always_ bullies, but he'd been fortunate to have people that considered themselves his friends around his entire life to protect him. The sudden appearance of a beautiful face leaning into his field of vision framed by long, straight, dark hair startled him, causing him to jump backwards slightly.

Waving her greeting, Tsuru Mitsuishi smiled and spoke in the Sign she knew he preferred, _Hello, Shinji-kun! You didn't wait for me?_

 _I…did not._ He recalled, after a momentary dig through his daily mental files, the request that he walk her home, as they lived in neighboring farms, and bowed in apology.

Waving her hands under his face, to draw him back upright, her smile never dimmed, _No, no. Don't worry! It was a sudden request, and a change to your normal schedule. I know how important routine is to you._

Tilting his head, he nodded, _Thank you for being understanding, Mitsuishi-san. If you would like, we could return to the school and try again? I am not sure I understand why you want to walk home together, but I have already cost you several hundred meters with my forgetfulness._

Her eyes seemed to calculate things he couldn't understand before shaking her head, _No. We can just walk from here today. You can make it up to me by walking me home again tomorrow._

 _As you wish._ Standing still, his fingers dancing with the first signs of agitation, he waited for her to start off. He didn't want to move until she did, so that she could set the pace as she would prefer.

Once more proving that she understood him well, the typically laconic farmgirl took an exaggerated step to the side and let him catch up before setting a leisurely pace, "Would it bother you if we spoke aloud for a bit?"

"It is easier," he agreed. "Speaking while carrying my satchel is not easy, and setting it down every time we have to speak would likely end with us never arriving. Your father would likely become angered, and I do not wish to incite that."

"Thank you, then," her smile was pleased. The way he made certain she was away from the main street, standing between her and any cars that might send off dust or mud, reminded her that his stunted speech was a sign of caution and a reaction to the demon he'd been rescued from long years ago. Too many thought him 'touched in the head', too few understood that he was the smartest child in the town, if not the prefecture or further. "I heard you playing the other day. A cello carries rather far in the morning air."

"I apologize," he frowned. "I did not mean to disturb your morning."

"You didn't, don't worry. I was actually wondering if you wouldn't mind playing more often? It made getting my morning chores done _so_ much faster," she restrained her laughter to where it wouldn't startle him. "Even Mushroom said she wanted to thank the one responsible, since it meant she had an extra few minutes in the shower before I kicked her out."

Shinji considered her statement a request, then applied the possibility for it to be social courtesy instead of a genuine request, "Please clarify your intent, Mitsuishi-san. I apologize."

"I would like you to practice more often where I might hear you," she phrased everything so that it was specifically set as a favor, and not an order. "If we had the money, I'd ask my Da for a cello so you could teach me to play."

"A viola," he corrected, confident in his expertise. "Or a clarinet, if you feel comfortable in your lung capacity."

"Oh?" Seizing the chance to have him lead the conversation, she paved the way for him, "Please, explain what you mean." Watching a smile grow on his face as he began speaking on a subject he could teach university courses on, she silently thanked the woman who took him in for suggesting she guide their discussions towards this. She'd loved him from afar long enough, it was time to love him from much, much closer.

+++++ 14th Angel + 12: Sunday (101)

"She's assigned several people to watch the house," Hikari explained, her head resting on her interlocked fingers as she considered a meal she didn't want to eat. "Ten of her crew, with nothing to do but watch the perimeter of the house. I guess when you're immortal it makes menial duties less painful."

Yang looked around, and saw nobody else nearby. She'd wanted to have this conversation for several days, and kept being blocked. _Now's as good a time as any._ "So, is this what it'll be like if he dies?" When the woman who was nominally in charge of the house snapped her head up to glare at her, Yang knew she'd managed the reaction she wanted, "Maya-san is working her tail off to make sure that Unit-02 is ready to defend us. Suzuka-san is protecting Shinji. So…what are you doing? Other than scaring your sisters, pushing Tsuru-chan away, and moping, I mean."

Hikari's eyes narrowed, "You have no idea what-"

"You're right. Because I can't see through your eyes," she cut in firmly. "You aren't talking to anyone; you're just walking around angry all the time. You held it together for a few days, and then when Maya reminded you that she has rather serious obligations outside of the house you…what? What changed so radically?"

"He's leaving." Fatigue, anger, and despair all pushed the phrase out before she could swallow it. Clenching her teeth and closing her eyes, she put her head back where it was before she'd been goaded into responding, "You should eat. We have to be to school soon."

Never one to let people wallow in pointless self-destructive misery, Yang pushed harder, "How do you know he's leaving?"

"Because it's all I see." When she went to stand, Yang hooked her chair with one foot, forcing her to stay seated, "Let. Me. Go."

"Shan't," the leggy waitress was also never one to be bullied. "Someone needs to keep things around here from falling apart. Your sister's a great lady, love her to death, but she's nowhere near as tough as you are mentally. To be frank, I think the redhead is doing more caregiving than Kodama is. Tsuru's not built to be the pillar of strength for a family. It's not in her character. Which leaves me, or you."

Forcing the chair back, Hikari leaned over the table and glowered, "And you think you're it?"

"Until you regain control over yourself? Yes." Yang was slower in standing, not wanting this to end in a physical confrontation despite her readiness to end the fight should it begin, "You've been pushed too far, Class Rep. Your father, then Rei-chan, then Captain Minders, and now all you can see is Shinji dying or leaving. He's been the rock you've clung to, the only reason you haven't already collapsed. And now, now you have nothing but your own rapidly diminishing strength. You look me in the eye and you tell me that you're not still crying at odd moments because Toshiro Horaki was taken _far_ too soon. Lie to me."

"No fighting," Nozomi called quietly, hugging a frightened Sakura as the slightly older girl cowered from the scene before them. It was evident that the pair had just recently arrived in the front room, and the younger was protecting the elder, "I…I don't know what you both said…but no fighting."

"…We weren't fighting," Yang smiled pleasantly. "We were disagreeing over the orderly transfer of responsibility." Turning to face the two youngest members of the household, she walked around Hikari and patted her friend on the back on the way over to soothe hearts, "Your sister's going to need us all to help out in different ways, but she doesn't want to burden us. We all love Shinji-kun, but she loves him a super whole bunch. Until he can come home, I'm going to be taking over some of the responsibilities around the house. Especially," crouching down, she gave twin peace signs, "you two. The three of us are going to totally own the kitchen. I'll need you, though," she tapped Nozomi's nose, "to take over the laundry. Limpy here can't handle the stairs yet, so she's going to help me fold what you bring up."

Nozomi frowned, "You weren't fighting?"

"Do you see bruises?" Showing her face and arms, she shrugged, "We weren't fighting. I love Hikari-chan, but I don't have to _agree_ with Hikari-chan all the time to love her. So," holding out her hands, one to each child, she grinned, "when we get home tonight you two ready to learn how to cook some new dishes?"

Hikari's heart grew heavy, the words her classmate had chosen mirroring those Misato had appended to her transcript of Maya's explanations. She knew her duty, she knew her obligations, and she'd become so consumed with them that she'd lost sight of her responsibilities to herself. Crossing over to stand next to where Yang crouched down holding her sisters' hands, she showed her fatigue in her smile, "I'm sorry, guys. I've been a real grumpy butt these past few days. I'm lucky I have Yang here to help, aren't I?"

"Why don't," Yang showed that the Shirakami trained from birth, and continued supporting the woman who had just needed a kick in the ass, as opposed to the teeth, "we allow Hikari-chan to spend some time alone tonight? I'll put on a _scary movie_ , and Tsuru-chan and I will watch it with you. Your big sister needs a good night's sleep, because I know you two know exactly how you feel when you don't sleep good. It sucks, doesn't it?"

"I…do get kind of cranky," Sakura nodded, drawing a touch of confidence from the way Hikari mouthed 'thank you' to Yang.

"I get super grumpy," Nozomi agreed. "Don't worry, Hikari-nee-san. We'll get the laundry done, and the house cleaned. You can spend all day sleeping if you want tomorrow."

"Do I have to watch another scary movie?" Tsuru stepped into the room as if she'd just arrived, having listened around the corner to most of the conversation, and was glad that Yang had intervened. She hadn't known how to, herself. Now, however, she had something she could do. She could help, and it started by pretending to be scared so that the little one's could pretend to be strong, "It probably has ghosts…doesn't it?"

"Thirteen of them!" Yang replied brightly, "Which is a _super spooky_ number!"

+++++ 14th Angel + 12: Sunday (101)

Staring at the darkness, Shinji's mind had gone blank. The wall of sound his memories of the future had created refused to allow him to do anything but sit on the floor and wait. There'd be another, eventually. The left side of his face was a charred mass, the flames from his eye fighting with his natural healing ability, the crawling sensation as the two belligerents competed for territory the only indication that the world beyond their voices existed.

+++++ 14th Angel + 12: Sunday (101)

"They're fairly confident," Jake couldn't believe the news himself.

There was a part of Philip that couldn't believe the poor luck that seemed to follow everyone who loved Shinji Ikari around. That he was surrounded as he was by men and women who truly loved him was a miracle of the highest order, that any of them were still alive beggared belief. "How confident, Agent?"

"They can't say for certain that she didn't know the wiring on the outlet she plugged the night light into was faulty." He shrugged, "It took a lot of man hours to find what she was carrying when she arrived in the Tower. And after a conversation with Thor Haraldson, it was determined that the prime suspect would have known that Captain Minders preferred to sleep with one." Shaking his head, he shrugged again, "She was trying to help, supposedly."

The elderly officer summed it up, "A spark, an oxygen rich environment…a genuine tragedy."

"I don't believe it either, sir," he knew his boss. "It's too clean."

General Benoit was proud of his children, even those who weren't biologically his, "Dig deeper. Shinji Ikari asked us to check the outlets on his home. There is clearly some parallel here we are missing."

+++++ 14th Angel + 12: Sunday (101)

"Mommy, mommy! It's a fairy!"

Kelly felt Shinji pull her to a stop, and mentally sighed. She loved her husband, she loved him beyond hope, but his inability to not make certain every child in the whole of the country was cared for could be maddening on date nights.

"I'm very sorry, sir," the child's mother was crimson with embarrassment.

"No, no," she knew he had the smile on his face that warmed everyone's heart, and frequently warmed other sections of the most devoutly married woman's anatomy as well, "it's quite all right. Are you finding everything ok?" His duty as the widely-known 'unknown' owner of the market done, he turned his smile on the child, "That's a lovely doll."

The child's innocence continued to mortify her mother, "Are you a wish-granting kind?"

"If the mood strikes me," crouching down, Shinji tilted his head. "What would you wish for?"

"Oh, there's no need to-" Stopping dead as he raised his hand for patience, the child's mother looked to Kelly for help and found only a smile and a shrug.

"I want it to snow for Christmas!" The tiny redhead bounced, "Big heaping snowflakes!"

Pursing his lips, Shinji looked up to the sky and sniffed, "I don't know. That might require something in trade."

"I…uh," suddenly forced to barter, the child held out her doll quickly, "I have Sara?"

"Hmm…no," he shook his head. "Sara-chan tells me she's needed to protect you. How about, instead, you agree to go to bed on time tonight, so that your mother and aunt can have a conversation with your uncle about certain habits?"

"And it'll snow?" She frowned, "If I go to bed?"

Standing back up, he turned his smile onto the mother, her eyes now wide with disbelief, "I promise." Winking at the child, he moved to take his wife's arm and set them on their way once more, leaving the happily chattering youth behind.

Kelly kept her voice low, "What now?"

"Her uncle, who they stay with, beats his dog. It's not a far step from the dog, to the niece." He kept his tone light, "I have her address. I'll follow up."

She eyed him sidelong, "You promise not to leave a body behind?"

Shinji shrugged, "So long as he learns to control himself, he'll keep his hands. Oh, look! They have some still. Fantastic."

As Kelly approached the shop they owned selling the very specific type of bread her husband adored, she shook her head. He wasn't an unkindly god, so long as you remembered to raise your children right. Spoil them, he became irritated. Ignore them, he became angered. Harm them….

+++++ 14th Angel + 12: Sunday (101)

"There is likely very little to be done, doctor," Rose soothed Ritsuko's back as the quarter-blonde waited for the nausea to subside. "None would think less of you for leaving."

"Except," she gagged, fighting back the urge to vomit, "for myself." Shaking her head, she pushed herself back to her feet, "The injection is taking hold. I should…ugh," kicking the flush valve she sent what remained of the second coming of her lunch somewhere else, "I should be fine for another few hours." Moving to the sink, she sought out her toothpaste, "I think I'm onto something. But I need to be in here to have access to his data."

"Is it going to alter his brainwaves?" The captain understood enough of what her chief medical officer had been speaking about to know that wasn't wise, as it would slow her own processes down, "Because unless you're sure it will work we don't want to do that."

"Not very much," she spoke while swabbing her mouth out thoroughly. "Trick his autonomic processes into thinking he's at risk of dying. They should force consciousness as a survival reflex."

"That might also simply shut them off," Rose frowned. "Restarting them might not be very easy, if it's possible at all."

Spitting everything out, Ritsuko turned and glared, "Then we cut him open and kickstart his heart, shove a ventilation tube down his throat, and run things manually. Autonomic processes are autonomic for a reason, if you provide the right stimulus they self-regulate."

Suzuka leaned into the bathroom, "Why are we speaking of cutting him open?"

"Stimulating his sympathetic nervous system to force his fight or flight to wake him the fuck up," Ritsuko oversimplified.

Four hundred years of learning had given the willowy swordswoman a breadth of knowledge that included a great deal of information on the human body, thus informing her response of, "That does make a form of sense. Is that not what you are working on already? I had believed we were injecting him with something, as opposed to creating physical trauma."

"See?" The quarter-blonde threw her toothbrush onto the sink and walked out of the room, " _She_ understands me."

+++++ 14th Angel + 13: Monday (102)

The brawny warrior was stunned, "And…you don't fight?"

"I really don't like to," Shinji shrugged, placing another full serving before his male guest, and refilling the tea of his female guest. "I will, if someone threatens the people I care about…but I wouldn't recommend doing that." Sitting back down at the table, he smiled gently, "They can't fight back, and I will kill you."

"But they _are_ in danger, the whole world is!" Tall, for a woman, the graceful fighter inclined her head in gratitude for the drink, "We came here because we heard that an extremely powerful warrior was living in this forest, protecting…well, I apologize, but protecting the graves of his fallen allies."

"I appreciate your concern, but I am aware that they are dead," Shinji's smile remained in place.

"So, uh," the man ate his fourth meal with far more manners than he normally would, more out of fear of the woman he'd arrived with than out of respect for his host, "you made them a promise or something?"

He nodded, "I did."

Muscles flexed unconsciously as he scrubbed his hair, "I don't know, lady…promises are really important. If he made a promise, we can't just ask him to break it. That wouldn't be right."

"Shinji," she leaned forward in her chair, against the table, trying to impress him with how desperate they were, "I'm sorry that your allies died. I truly am. But I'm not kidding when I said that the entire world is in danger."

"The world will remain," he shrugged, seating himself and waiting for the inevitable bargaining. "The people may not, but the planet will not miss their loss. I've given up on society. They never learn, they never tell the truth, and they never respect those that sacrifice so they can live their banal, petty, existences."

"How can you not care about so much death?" Her tone struck him as far too familiar, and she noticed the slight wince, "I know you care…. Please-"

"You misunderstand me," Shinji raised his hand. "You remind me of a woman I loved dearly, Lead Agent. You share her beauty, both inside and out. Her grave is there," he pointed without looking, "first row, first column."

"Xu Yang," the man stated, nodding. "I read the names before we came in here. Hers kind of stuck out, against the-" Leaping up, he hurdled the table, "Incoming!" Engulfing the other two living beings in the room with his aura, he shielded the trio from shrapnel as the trees outside erupted in splinters that burst through the wall behind Shinji, devastating the room around them.

Shinji's face fell, the tolerant and friendly smile dying as he watched the Chinese-born Interpol agent prepare to fight, "Did he hit my graveyard?"

"Kinda looks like he aimed for it," the brawler, born of another world yet bearing the mannerisms of his own nation, behind him stated sadly. "I'm very sorry, sir. I'll help you rebury them?"

"All I'm trying to do is live my life," Shinji stood from his chair with a sigh. "Miss, is this the man you were speaking of?"

"One of his lieutenants," she shook her head, "don't try and take him on alone, Shinji. Work with us, he's terribly dangerous."

"How about, instead," turning, he walked towards the demi-human that dared to enter his sacred grounds, throwing the door aside as the rage crawled into place around him, "you work with me. I've been known to be dangerous from time to time myself."

+++++ 14th Angel + 13: Monday (102)

Knocking gently on Hikari's door, Yang waited for a few seconds before slipping inside. She'd set Tsuru and Kodama to entertaining the little ones outside with the odd Westerner that seemed to see way more than she ought to. It left the entire house empty, save for her and the woman that she needed to have a serious talk with. Once inside the main room, she heard the water splashing that indicated a bath, bringing a blush to her cheeks. She'd seen Hikari without clothing a few times, and though she wasn't positive she was interested in women she was certain she was interested in the Horaki women.

Knocking again on the frame to the bathroom, she announced her presence without peeking, "Hikari-chan?"

The reply was heavy with fatigue, "Is something wrong?"

"Nothing new," Yang shrugged, unseen. "I wanted to talk to you, hopefully a bit more calmly than we managed yesterday. Nozomi-chan and Sakura-chan are out playing with Tsuru-chan, who has orders to keep them as busy as possible with exercises and art projects as she can. Kodama-san is getting her patient some sun. It's just the two of us, and both Kodama and Tsuru know to keep it that way."

A pregnant pause followed, ending with a sigh, "Are you going to come in, or are you going to sit out there and talk to my room?"

"I didn't want to presume. I had to be pretty mean yesterday, and I wouldn't be shocked to find you're still a little sore from me saying what I said." She turned her head towards the door, "I wanted to lead off with an apology for that."

"Apologize by getting in my bathroom," Hikari stated with increasing irritation. "I hate raising my voice, it makes me feel like I'm yelling."

Moving into the room, and closing the door behind her, Yang gestured for peace, "Understood. I…wow." Tilting her head to the side, she pointed to the bathwater, "That's really purple."

"Lavender," Shinji's younger wife answered with a smirk, her temper still present but waning now that she saw the honesty in Yang's bearing. "Secret weapon. Both Shinji and Maya love it."

"I can't help but smell like cooking oil," the leggy waitress moved over to one of the short stools intended for pre-soak cleansing. "It clings to everything, and nothing I do gets rid of it fully."

"You're lucky, then," settling back against the wall, she laid her head on the bath pillow, "Shinji likes how you smell. You remind him of kitchens and cooking, which is when he's calmest of all."

Yang went to assure the woman before her, "Hikari-chan I-"

"Stop." The young woman that had what everyone else wanted wasn't interested, "You want to talk about everything, you want to know why I'm so angry, you want to know what's eating at me. This is part of it." Closing her eyes and drawing in the warmth around her, she continued in a much more sedate tone, "He's going to leave. Whatever he is experiencing right now…it's too much."

"I doubt he's going to abandon everyone to the Angels," she scowled, "this is Shinji. He may be angry with people, but he's no murderer."

Her hands bunched and released under the surface of the water, "I didn't say he was going to stay gone. I said he's going to leave. You asked why I'm so angry? There's your answer. Because I asked him to let me in, because he needed to know without doubt how deeply I love him, I have hurt him so badly that he can't, or won't, come to me after he wakes up."

"Is that really all of it?" Yang had her doubts.

"No." Half opening her eyes, she glared once more at her friend, "I have pushed him into a relationship he isn't suited for to prevent as many of his deaths as I could. Despite the advantages I have, I still couldn't save Noelle. Despite the advantages I have, I couldn't prevent Rei's death. Despite the advantages I have, my husband will always feel as if he's ignoring the women who love him. I am torn between letting him live the short life he desires, or pushing him towards the long life that he hates. I am torn between forcing him to be something he's not so that I have him around, or letting him be what he is and losing him to the physically perfect beings inside of his soul. I either share him with others, and take what joy I can from living my life surrounded by world-class talent, or I have _none_ of him as he leaves us all out of fear."

"…Why am I so important?" The entire idea seemed sketchy to her, as skeptical as she was by nature.

"Because when you aren't around to do exactly what you just did yesterday, I end up ruining everything." Closing her eyes again, she sighed, "It's too late to unwind the tangled web, Yang. He's stuck tight…and it's all my fault."

+++++ 14th Angel + 13: Monday (102)

Of all of the corpses he'd found in the wreckage, it was the tiniest among them that hurt him the most. He'd never once doubted his place in Pen-Pen's life. The bird was aloof, certainly, but never cruel. When Shinji curled in on himself on the kitchen floor, he'd often find a clawed fin combing his hair accompanied by soft warks of reassurance. It wasn't that he understood what the bird was saying, but the tone was clear: it's ok. You're trying your best, child. They'll understand you, one day. Shifting the debris that had crushed his one, true, friend, Shinji carried him towards the door. He deserved to be handled with more respect than an earthmover would, if nothing else.

+++++ 14th Angel + 13: Monday (102)

"It's addition by subtraction, sir," Misato dropped the first half of a lengthy report onto Kozo's desk. "When I moved from Tactical Commander to Sub-Commander, we left the position empty. You assumed, right or wrong, that I would still be responsible for tactical decisions during a crisis. This mean that, unfortunately, everyone beneath me was left without more immediate supervision."

"The crème rose, the rest sank to the bottom," he shook his head. This was another self-inflicted wound. Not as dire as most, and thankfully free of ill-intent, but still a wound all the same. "Was there no salvaging him?"

"He was barely performing the basic tasks assigned. Anything that would require real effort was pawned off onto other people lower ranking, and less skilled, than him." She shrugged, "Like I said, addition by subtraction. The people who were doing his work are now going to be paid more for doing it. That should improve things by itself, as paid work is motivated work. Everyone sees that we're taking this seriously, and that being fired isn't nearly as comfortable as just doing the hard stuff right the first time."

He flipped through several pages, "How did our third in command take it?"

"She was livid after seeing the full extent of his sandbagging. She still thinks of herself as one of the 'bridge bunnies', and the betrayal dug deep. She apologized to Shigeru-kun, who told her that he was just as pissed. We're moving several people around, and I hope to have someone with at least basic competence there by the middle of the week." She groaned, "It's sad that 'will actually try' is an improvement severe enough to warrant excitement."

"With all of our focus on sabotage, we all lost sight of malingering," Kozo set the report aside. "Both of us are responsible here, Misato-san. I am just happy to see you re-energized. It is difficult waiting for him to pull through, and I do not judge you poorly for how close you've become to our pilots. Please, continue to be human. Just, perhaps, don't let it overwhelm you so much next time."

"He needs me to do my best, professor. His wives, his wingman, they all deserve more than anger and moping." Misato gestured to the pages, "The second half should be ready by tomorrow. I know it's not necessary, my word is enough to fire anyone, but I want this all documented properly. I intend to put the fear of Shinji into these people, we're not going to accept half-ass from anyone. Accountability is now priority one."

+++++ 14th Angel + 14: Tuesday (103)

He'd been a pauper, a prince, a merchant, a manservant, a rebel, a romantic. He'd seen the world spiral towards annihilation, or claw its way to paradise. He'd guided Creation and heralded extinction. Died alone, lived surrounded by others, gone unmourned, and had paeans crafted to remind eternity of his existence.

Never once, even during his best lives, had he been _happy_. He'd known joy, he'd been content, he'd hoped for the future, but never had he looked around at a life he'd left and believed it to be perfect. In all the infinite permutations that never existed beyond the hellish prison he was stuck within, there was always something missing. Something leaving him incomplete. With half of his body charred by flames, he could only dream of what wasn't there.

+++++ 14th Angel + 14: Tuesday (103)

"You are at forty-four percent," Ritsuko shrugged. "If you can't beat the projections, then we can't continue to roll the dice on the next Angel showing up. By the time I'm done measuring out the right dosages, if you aren't up to at least fifty percent confidence then I'm doing it."

"I'm not really comfortable with the idea of you potentially killing him," Rose placed herself purposefully between the man she loved and the human doctor. "I've got my crew searching the local group for signs of an Angel. Lily is fairly confident that it will be arriving from outside of your immediate neighborhood, so we should have plenty of warning. Of anyone, she stands the most to lose by being wrong here, so we can trust her in this."

"The same woman who thought it was a good idea to allow him to have free rein over the ability to bring others into his soul? The same woman who's decision-making thus far has ruined my reputation and led directly to Shinji lying here in torment?" She could feel the medication wearing off already, and knew that nausea and worse was waiting to greet her once more as Shinji's pain manifested palpably for everyone in the room, "Where'd she go, anyway? She should be here enjoying the ambiance with the rest of us."

"She's where it's even worse, she said," Suzuka stated without much enthusiasm. "She's trying to keep the Aspects from dying."

+++++ 14th Angel + 14: Tuesday (103)

It made no sense to him. He'd personally survived over a decade of constant abuse, only to find that not only was the abuse _he_ suffered lesser than many of the other lives he might have lived, but that it was almost cosmically necessary to exist. For half of a year he then lived through a rollercoaster of torment and enjoyment, trying to learn how to be a functional human being while surrounded by people who were either fundamentally opposed to helping him or legally proscribed from doing so. And then, when he was given a chance to redo that half of a year, he found joy for a brief, shining, moment.

He'd found Hikari. He'd found everything he needed. And then he threw it all away to try and make her happy.

+++++ 14th Angel + 14: Tuesday (103)

"How irritating," watching from afar as their latest plan was left on hold while Shinji suffered, the incorporeal being pondered if there was anything to be done for it. "Plan after plan seems to be falling apart lately. Shinji certainly isn't responsible for this, and punishing them all for one idiot's hubris seems exceedingly petty." Humming a tune, they watched as people came and went, "I have to admit, I didn't see her doing that. Perhaps she's being guided by Creation? Just to stop me from succeeding? Or him…. Hmm, who is the opponent here, I wonder, I wonder." Dropping to the ground, rendering themselves invisible to mortal eyes, they sighed, "Oh well. May as well cull this particular plot, before something terrible happens."

+++++ 14th Angel + 15: Wednesday (104)

"Another fight in class?" Shinji kept his hands busy preparing dinner, he knew Hikari hated it when he stopped everything he was doing to give her his undivided attention, "You kind of look like you're ready to punt the couch through the window."

"My sister," the consensus number one teacher in all of Japan started hotly, "showed up at school today to beg me in person." Tugging her cardigan off, she tossed it over the back of her chair at the dining room table and blew out a heavy breath to clear her anger away, "Because _you_ said 'No', she thinks that if she embarrasses _me_ that you'll change it to 'Yes'."

"I'm…." He reminded himself how much she hated that habit, and changed the sentence accordingly, "Certain that with enough time she'll come to understand that the idea just simply isn't tenable."

"Good save," he felt her hug him from behind. "Thank you…for remembering."

"It is a bad habit, I know." Being held was bliss. He just wished he knew why it felt so empty.

+++++ 14th Angel + 15: Wednesday (104)

"Are you serious right now?" Jake stared in disbelief at the phone as he read the field report, "Are you absolutely fucking serious?" He quickly glanced around to make certain no little children had heard him, thanking his lucky stars before calling the nearby command vehicle, "Overwatch, this is Six. If you catch _anyone_ even mildly distracted I want to know right away. If this guy is in our AO, we need to be ready to act, out."

Taking his finger off the call button, he began counting the number of kids in the school's playground. When he was confident that the number hadn't changed, he took stock of the adults. Several 'volunteers', Shirakami and Section Two staff, had been found to help the school's staff organize the chaos. When Overwatch sent the dispatch out about the potential need to lock everything down, he was pleased to see them all begin changing the games to be more focused closer to the building. The ghosts, those who would never be noticed by the children except when the need for controlled violence arose, were all still where he expected them.

Despite all of this, he didn't feel as if the kids were safe. One woman, in a secure facility, under guard by over twenty Agents, had been murdered. Beheaded. Not a single other person had been touched. There was no mistake that what happened was a message, though to whom was still a bone of contention between him and his superiors. If their opponent could walk through that security, he dreaded to think about what would happen here. They'd lost a potential lead on SEELE due to someone's failure, he would not be the one holding the bag if Nozomi or Sakura were harmed…he'd die before he let that happen. Shaking his head, he wondered whether Shinji would kill him if he let it happen.

+++++ 14th Angel + 15: Wednesday (104)

Shinji could feel how close he was to the truth. It was dancing just out of sight. Hikari was his world. She was his everything. Yet every world he visited where it was the two of them alone seemed to be…wrong. He'd learn terrible things about what happened to everyone else he knew. Kodama would fall apart. Nozomi would begin to act out with increasingly uncontrolled outbursts. Everyone would remain in the Ocean of Souls that was created through Instrumentality. Everyone would die. If anyone returned, they'd blame him for everything. Asuka would hate him, or demand he get a divorce for his own sake. Rei, if she somehow survived or returned, would push him away from Hikari, or simply kill her to save him.

It was as if reality itself couldn't abide his happiness….

+++++ 14th Angel + 15: Wednesday (104)

"Doctor, this is far too great a risk," Rose remained calm, despite the very real fear that she was about to be kinetically outvoted. "Suzuka, please, you know I'm right. There's no reason for us to go with such a high-risk plan right now. He's come back from worse, and we're already at forty-seven percent. Every hour we spend mapping brings us that much closer to finding him. I swear, he wouldn't think less of either of you for leaving. He's radiating this agony out, and it can't be easy for either of you to think straight."

Suzuka's pain was exquisite, every inch of her being glowing with an agony that she'd yet to experience even during the worst of her long years on Earth. She knew what the former blonde beside her was feeling, and she knew that she could either enable the Doctor's actions or prevent them. She had no real reason to trust either of them over the other, but one of them was a trained medical professional, the other was a trained leader. "If this fails, how will you save his life?"

"The chances of this ending with his heart stopping are smaller than the chances of you and I choosing to leave, finding a room, and making out," gesturing to the various chemicals on the tray before her, she shrugged. "I'm basing what I'm doing here off of the desperate brilliance that Kodama Horaki displayed prior to the Fourth Angel. Modified, as needed, for the fact that he's a lot larger and healthier now. All we need to do is get him to wake up. After that, I can keep him from flatlining while you beg him to focus on staying with us and not fading back to unconsciousness."

"…Will it work?" She gripped the hilt of her blade tightly, begging for the wisdom to choose the right course.

"If it doesn't, I'll go back to the drawing board. But this same cocktail got him up and moving once," she smiled with the confidence Shinji's love had cultivated within her, "and I'm better than Kodama is."

Rose reached to stop Ritsuko from acting, "I-" Halting when a blade paused a hair's breadth from her throat, the pink-skinned alien growled as she faced Suzuka, "You're strong, warrior, but I am no stripling. You are threatening my [Song], and I will kill you before I allow you to harm him."

"None here are married to him, though of any I am closest. I have received not only his formal offer, but approval from his wives." Suzuka shook her head, "Your method risks just as much, if not more. We need to end this before his pain overgrows this room. His guards have already had to move to the other end of the hall, and even there they feel as if they are beset by flames. Doctor, do not play me false: you can resurrect him should this damage him?"

"I've kept worse alive for longer," Ritsuko nodded firmly.

"Then this is the course we shall take," Suzuka set herself more firmly between Rose and Ritsuko. "He is strong. Should this fail, we will know that we have done what we could."

"This could set back my team's plan," Rose readied herself to fight.

"Your team," Suzuka's brow knit, "is speaking with you right now. Are you, or are you not, also one who would be his wife?"

+++++ 14th Angel + 15: Wednesday (104)

There was no joy to be found. Allowing Hikari to lift him up led to others sinking. Lifting others up pushed Hikari further away. He couldn't be happy if others were unhappy. He couldn't find pleasure in their pain. But if he couldn't bring joy, how could he feel joy? There was no victory condition for him now. He'd accepted them, he'd allowed himself to believe that they were an integral part of him. Their lives existed without him, as miserable as they might feel to be knowing he wasn't theirs, their beings continued on with happiness for them to seek out elsewhere. Did his? Without the women around him, what was he?

Broken. Lost. Worthless.

He needed Hikari to ground him. He needed Maya to show him the balance between extremes. He needed Kodama to love him. He needed Suzuka to guide him. He needed Lily to oppose him. He needed Rose to believe in him. He needed Asuka to challenge him. He needed Misato to define his boundaries. He needed Ritsuko to teach him. He needed Yang to protect him. He needed Kelly to support him. He needed Tsuru to teach him to be gentle. He needed Nicolette to show him how to let go. He needed Akane and Mikoto to show him how to hold on.

He shook his head slowly as the realization dawned how utterly worthless he was without everyone. How pathetic he had always been. He wasn't a being, he wasn't a human, he wasn't even a dog. His entire life with them involved, all of his lives involving them that he saw stretching out from those options that remained, was and were defined entirely by his interactions with them. They could lie to him, they could cheat on him, they could beat him, and he'd just smile and take it. Never once, except after he'd been left alone by everyone through death or betrayal, had he been willing to put his foot down and demand anything of himself.

The side of his body that was limned in flames pulsed in time with his anger, "How many times have I said 'My life is not my own' without realizing how true that statement really is?" The memory of Kaji watering his garden brought a twitch to the half of his mouth that hadn't burned to ash, "No regrets. I failed-" A stabbing pain, separate and distinct from the constant assault on his being that the fire from his eye provided, shot through his head. The darkness around him fractured, and in its place stood countless Shinji Ikari. Every life he'd lived. Every death he'd suffered. And beyond them….

+++++ 14th Angel + 15: Wednesday (104)

Gasping for air, Shinji awoke to a new type of pain. Gone, suddenly and violently, was the burning poison that had corrupted his left half. In its place, there was terror. He'd failed. He'd damned them all. It wasn't the women around him; it was never the women around him. It was him. It was his weakness, his inability to stop them from loving him. To tell them he wasn't worth their sacrifices. That he had nothing to offer in return. Gone was the clarity, the history, the slow build into something greater as he realized he could never be who he was if they were not who they were as well.

The room around him was quiet, save for the pounding of his heart in his ears, as he sat bolt upright. He wasn't at home. He wasn't in the hospital. He wasn't in the art gallery, or the stables, or the farm, or the streets, or any of the other thousands of places he should be. It was a lab. He was in a lab, which meant he was either in NERV, GEHIRN, SEELE, Vector Industries, or had finally been captured by the military to answer for his crimes, or any of too many other possibilities to count.

The first face he saw limited the possibilities dramatically. Ritsuko. Reddish-brown hair with a thin blonde fringe, and emerald green eyes. She wasn't possessed, or undead, or scarred. She was saying something, but it was too quiet to hear. Her mouth moved, but no sound issued forth. Her hands touched him, gentle and soft. She wasn't angry, or disgusted. This was the touch one gave to someone they loved. Someone they wanted to spare from pain. That narrowed things down even more.

He had to leave. There were too many futures involving her death the longer he stayed. She didn't deserve to die for his failures. He could choose to leave. If he left, if she was his wife in this bizarre world he found himself in, she might still live.

Looking down, he saw that he was naked. Medical tubing was connected to him. He had been damaged. A recent fight against something or someone. _Simple to fix._ His thought sounded odd in his mind, gravelly and coarse. _I've been damaged more than I thought. This is later in the timeline. This world is later. At least after Ramiel._ Flexing his will, he banished the medical attachments and summoned good, sturdy, clothing. Things he would need to not draw attention.

She was trying to stop him. She…had help. He saw Suzuka and Rose, as well as a fourth party he recognized as Amethyst. She'd found the name cute in at least eight out of every nine realities he gave it to her. In the other one she found it darling. She was related to Rose. That put her at risk too. He had to leave. They were stopping him from saving them from himself. _Simple to fix._ Flexing his will once more, he gently set them aside.

And he ran through the door to freedom.

+++++ 14th Angel + 15: Wednesday (104)

"He's shut us out," Rose rubbed her head from where she'd bashed it against the floor as Shinji scattered them like so many fallen leaves before a hurricane. "He's even managed to silence the signal from the anchor."

Misato wanted to cry. The video feed had shown Shinji displaying an emotion she hadn't yet seen on his face, "He was terrified." She retained her bearing, if just barely, "Do you think she stands a chance at following him?"

"If she doesn't," Ritsuko muttered as she worked on patching up Akane, Mikoto, and Nicolette, "we'd best hope that the drone pilots can."

"Oh…crabapples," Maya ducked through the ruined door, anxiety and awe battling for control of her bearing. "He did this?"

The entire room looked as if a bomb had gone off, Shinji's definition of 'gentle' being vaguely relative when compared to the rest of Creation's. The bed he had been laid upon was a flattened shell of its former self, the wall behind it caved out from the excess energy unleashed as he attempted to set everyone aside. Monitors had crumpled, PCs were smoking husks, there wasn't a single item that hadn't been blasted to the four corners by his 'gentle' outburst.

"I'm taking my _team_ and I'm going hunting," Rose rolled her neck. "I can scan the surface for him. So long as he hasn't achieved flight, we stand a reasonable chance of finding him on this island." Glaring at Ritsuko, she spat out, "I _may_ return him."

"You had better." Maya stalked over to stand eye to eye with the pink-skinned captain, "Or I swear there will be no safe harbor for you." The sudden switch from anxiety and worry to hardened rage stunned everyone, "I will find you no matter where you go, and I _will_ take my husband back. He does not belong to you, or her," she pointed square at Misato, "or even Hikari and I. He belongs to himself."

Dropping her volume to where only Maya could hear, she kept her face stony, "I would take you along. If we have to leave this wretched abyss to stop him from looking as he did when he fled, you would be among the few I would bring. _You_ understand what he has done for everyone. You understand that without _him_ , none of us have anything."

Returning the favor, Maya softened her tone, but not her glare, "It's symbiotic. It always has been. He needs me, I need him. But he _must_ belong to himself, or we are no better than Lily. We are no better than his father." Proving that she would ever be the bigger woman, though never the larger, she stepped out of the way of the door, "Find our husband, Rose. Tell him he's late for supper."

+++++ 14th Angel + 15: Wednesday (104)

She'd harried him towards and into the forests beyond the city, wanting to reduce the chances of an encounter proving fatal for some poor passer-by and to remove the intervention of the well-intentioned women back at NERV. It wasn't that Suzuka wanted to continue to scare him, whatever it was that he'd seen was clearly beyond his prodigious ability at controlling his own fear. A pain as great as he'd been radiating outwards to those who loved him must have come from truly terrible roots. A spiritual ache was the worst of all, and she had no doubts as to the true location of the malady.

Spying, in the distance, the cabin she'd asked Nanako to make ready just recently, she made her move. As fast as he was, she was faster still. As strong as he was, she had control and a reason to fight. The outcome of the struggle was predetermined, she could not lose where failure meant losing the one that held such a place in her heart. She was to be Suzuka Ikari, and the Ikari Clan would nevermore fail those they called family.

Springing to the branches above him, she barely touched down before launching herself ahead of him to rebound off a nearby trunk and directly into his path. He was her enormous bear, at full stride, his momentum far too uncontrolled to change quickly enough to avoid her but more than powerful enough to uproot the smaller trees. She was his Little Deer, grace and agility with tremendous hidden power, and she used all three to tangle his legs and drop him into a tumbling roll along the mossy floor. She couldn't feel much regret as he dug a deep trench before coming to a rough halt upside down against an enormous root.

Gaining her feet far faster than he could, she danced past his guard and planted a kiss to his lips. He had dirt on his face, blood on his lips, and still it was the sweetest taste she'd had in weeks. With her sword against his throat, the threat intended only to stop him from attempting flight once again, she rested her forehead against his, "A merry chase, but the prize be mine."

"K-Kill me." The desperation on his face tore at her heart, "Please. You can do it. You're one of the only who can. Save everyone, end it."

"Perhaps." She had to work with what he was giving her, and a non-answer was still an answer of a form, "After you've explained yourself and you've rendered my due for my victory." Looking around ostentatiously, distracting him from dwelling on her words, she nodded, "That cabin there should suffice. Seems empty enough, and I do not doubt the owners would feel well pleased to know that they provided succor to a soul in need. Let us be about the climb. I do not wish to be at this all day."

+++++ 14th Angel + 15: Wednesday (104)

"You lost him." Misato's hand itched to snatch the hair off the woman sitting at the controls of the drones, "How, exactly, did you lose a human being of that size and coloration in a city when you have access to an object that's fast enough to keep pace with _a fucking fighter jet_?!"

"He kept ducking through buildings," the supervisor in charge of the drone overwatch drew the sub-commander's eyes towards him. His people had failed, and that fell on his shoulders, "I had three birds chasing him, repurposed another from the High School, but he seemed to know where they were without even looking. He'd double back, dodge through cover, and once he hit the tunnel to Hatajuku he disappeared entirely. He didn't leave the other end, and he didn't come back. Thermal is useless through that much rock, and I asked for a QRF from his Guard to investigate. Negative contact on-site. He vanished, so did his tail. You want answers, ma'am, contact her."

Glaring at the man, she ground her teeth together, "Assist the QRF in tracking him down. I want updates on the hour."

He nodded, "Aye, ma'am." Turning back to his people he began issuing new orders and parameters for their mission profiles.

"Suzuka won't lose him," Maya stated confidently. "I can't seem to reach her, there was a moment where I could feel everyone again, but then it vanished. I'm guessing it's about when panic overtook him." She couldn't give in to the same panic. Her husband needed her too much for that, "If he had reason to be afraid, I'm certain we'd all be dead by now."

"He didn't send staff morale skyrocketing," Misato groused. "Do you want to contact your wife, or should I have her brought here?"

Maya turned her frown back on, "Why are you being pushy about my marriage?"

"Because I helped set it up," the sub-commander retorted quietly. "That makes it partly my responsibility."

+++++ 14th Angel + 15: Wednesday (104)

"So he's back," Asuka scrubbed her hair with a towel, having raced out of the shower to try and get information as soon as possible on the man she felt she owed a great deal, "but he ran off? Did someone say something wrong?"

"The current guess is that the pain was caused by terrible visions, with Hikari's powers mixing with something else poorly." Maya was packing up her clothing, readying for her first trip home in two weeks, "When he woke up, the only person that might know what he was truly thinking is him. Panic, fear, any number of overwhelming sensations could easily have caused him to need to get away. He was pulled from unconsciousness to wakefulness, that does not mean he was lucid or rational."

"Right," the redhead nodded, understanding the basic underlying principles well. "What'd Dye-Job say to him?"

"She reassured him that it was going to be ok, that the people in the room were worried about him." Zipping up her bag, she shook her head, "She tried to get his vitals, his pulse and breathing, but he fled too quickly to get more than a cursory check." Eyeing the young woman she'd spent quite some time with lately, she exercised her 'friendship prerogative', "Ritsuko is not as bad as you think she is. I honestly think you two would get along fine if either of you could admit that the other was brilliant in her own right."

Rolling her eyes off to the side, Asuka expressed without words that the message had been received, "You need me to come with you? You mentioned that things at your house might be a little strained when you went back."

"Honestly…." Maya sighed, she knew she was hesitating. She didn't want to face Hikari right now. She was still incandescently angry at her wife, all the more now that she had proof that Shinji's reactions were caused by the visions he'd experienced. The entire adventure had been a terrible idea from the start, and if they only had three more Angels left before everything would calm down, waiting would have been the wiser option by far. "Yes. But I can't take you. It'd send a terrible message to the woman I love." Smiling sadly at the subject of her budding friendship, she shrugged, "I have to be an adult."

"Might help you if your wife acted like one too," Asuka was well aware of Maya's anger, and she both shared and transcended it. "I wasn't joking the other day, Tentacles…Shinji might be better off with just one wife."

"I understand your sentiment, Asuka," Maya picked up her bag and hung it over her shoulder. "It's not an option anymore. Even if it ever was one."

+++++ 14th Angel + 15: Wednesday (104)

"You don't understand," Shinji's hands twitched as he sat on the floor in the center of the main entrance hall of the cabin, "you _have_ to listen to me!"

"I am listening," Suzuka nodded slowly, familiar with the signs of a panic attack and seeking to disarm the entire problem by remaining calm. "Whenever you are ready to tell me what I don't understand, I promise, I am listening to you."

"But you're not," he shook his head. "I'm still alive! You don't understand, if I'm alive people will die!"

"You've mentioned this. But you have not explained how you know for certain this is our fate, dear heart." She couldn't smile yet, for as much joy as she felt there was the pain that lingered as his mind remained unsettled, "Please, tell me what you know so that I may explain it to Maya-dono." The last time she'd mentioned Hikari, he'd nearly fled. Cautiously picking through the names of those he lived with, or was married to, she'd found through trial and error that three were 'safe', including her own. "Would it not be better for her to know why this must be, after you are not here to explain it in person?"

"…You're right," he nodded, the motion exaggerated as his mind remained unmoored. "I need…I need to write things down."

"Come with me," there was a writing desk deeper in the cabin for those that might need to draw up orders for their subordinates, "you may dictate, and I will write for you. So that the words are legible, as your hands have not yet steadied."

"That's…that's probably right too," standing, he wobbled until she slid against him in a side-hug. "Th-thank you. I'm…where am I?"

"In a cabin, in the forest at the base of the mountains east of the lake," she answered as if the question were nothing important. Consciousness did not imply lucidity, and she was confident he'd only one of the two in his possession at the moment, "We went for a brief jog, and came here so that you could tell me what you felt I should know."

"No…no, no…." He shook his head again, the motion much less unstable as they walked towards the doorway, "If…if we go through the door…." He forced them to halt, eyeing the portal warily.

Waiting for the pause to end, she prompted him with a light pat to his chest, "We will be in the drawing room. This is where we will find the papers to write out what you wish Maya-dono and Yang-chan to know." He was coming down, she could see it in his eyes. As his pain lessened, her heart steadied.

"No," he repeated, blinking rapidly as he looked at her, "whenever I go through a door everything goes away."

"But we came through several doors on our way here, did we not?" She gestured behind them to two separate doorways that he'd crossed through, "I have not gone away, nor would I. I will be with you, so that we may ensure your words are marked down appropriately."

"I…the doors," breaking free, he walked back through the arch they'd crossed under. When nothing happened, he turned around once more and faced her, "I walked through them."

"As one does," it was important to him. It made no sense to her, but that was of no moment. "Please," gesturing towards the main room, she smiled fetchingly, "the letters?"

Amazement and confusion grew as panic and fear faded, "I'm still here."

Walking back, she placed herself before him. He needed patience, and so patience he would have, "As am I. I do not intend to leave you, dear heart. What has happened that makes you feel as if doors will trouble you so?"

"I…I don't know?" Reaching out timidly, he touched her face, "You…you're not dead."

"Despite the best efforts of some very determined individuals throughout a rather long tenure on this world, I yet cling to life," gently pushing his hand so it cupped her cheek, she let her smile grow. "I am, and always will be, by your-" The rest of her sentence was cut off as he crushed her to his chest. His hands explored, not in the sensual manner she might have preferred, but more in a pursuit of reassurance that he wasn't insane. When he found his knife, tucked behind her back, she finally snapped her hand atop his to stop him, "That, my love, remains out of your grasp for some time yet."

"You…carry my knife?" He hadn't known that. That made it a fact that proved he wasn't dreaming, as he wouldn't have come up with something so mundane and yet so fitting as his living weapon carrying the only item he'd _earned_ instead of had given to him.

"Of course," stepping back to be safe, she adjusted her robes to allow him to see more of her form to continue her efforts at calming him. "You summon me wherever you need me, and should your spear fail you, you would need a weapon you are familiar with. I would much rather not fight alone, as you have made great strides towards becoming an extension of my own forms."

"It's…something I would never have thought of," he shrugged, looking around as if seeing his surroundings for the first time. "Where are we?" That he repeated the question demonstrated for her that he'd finally found traction with the world around him.

"A cabin owned by the Shirakami," taking him by the hand, she pulled him towards the drawing room, pleased he was not resisting her. "When you awoke from your two week nap, you were in no fit state to be around others. I thought to herd you here, where we would not harm others or ourselves should you need to work off your restlessness."

There was a brief tension in his body as he walked through the doorframe, "Two weeks?" He suddenly felt drained, he'd lost two weeks to…. "I was there for millennia." Falling to his knees as reality finally gripped the wheel, tears he hadn't known were building began to flood down his cheeks, "I was there _forever_."

+++++ Author's Notes

JaceSterne:

RE: Metronome.

It was intentional. One, because dragging this out would likely have irritated people as I fleshed out worlds that only existed for a moment. Two, because Shinji was experiencing entire lives in the blink of an eye, or over the course of long, long hours. Each time he crossed through what could be considered a 'doorframe', he was pulled from that world. Third, and most importantly, because my story is about the consequences of actions and I needed some time to play with before the next Angel so Shinji and company could explore the ramifications of what he'd seen, lived, and learned.

RE: Fifteen days.

Good guess. Ritsuko isn't known for her patience, after all.

TripleF:

RE: Love Hina.

Yep. Naru Narusegawa believed Shinji a pervert, for he bore the dreaded sign of the penis, and attempted to send him into Low Earth Orbit. Shinji, however, had already faced far worse. He just wanted to start his date with Motoko Aoyama, and so he once more firmly introduced himself and left Motoko to handle the rest.

RE: Cruelty.

Yeah, but actions have consequences and those consequences can't always be prevented by a hug and best intentions. Now, Shinji and those around him will have to come to grips with both his inability to make choices regarding his own life, and the choices that people have been making for him. Even worse, though, may be what he _hadn't_ seen.

RE: Gratitude.

Thank you for continuing to read. Over a million words in, and I still have an audience. I am truly thankful.


	109. Chapter 109

+++++ 14th Angel + 15: Wednesday (104)

Luck was on Maya's side when she walked into the house, as no one was in the main sitting room. She was not in the greatest of moods, and pretending to be fine so that Nozomi and Sakura didn't suffer would have only increased the strain on her limited capacity of patience. She knew she'd been snapping more and more often, and felt exceedingly fortunate that the people around her were so forgiving of her. Nobody was perfect, but that was no excuse for her to abuse the people she lived with.

The initial decision of starting her laundry or taking an actual shower tilted towards the latter after a brief debate, as it meant she could wash the uniform she was wearing with all of the others. Practical to a fault, she couldn't overcome who she was at heart. Her escort home had been blessedly silent, sharing her penchant for practicality. The lower enlisted would understand that the commissioned officer, and wife of a mad god, might not be inclined to deal with their nonsense. It made for a longer career if not life.

Stripping out of the uniform as she reached her bathroom, she noted that only Hikari's clothing was present. A part of her, the part that wasn't on board with the entire polyamory concept, felt a guilty thrill at not finding anyone else's marks on what 'belonged' to her. The other part of her felt sorrow. They had both been alone for two weeks, and now that Shinji had returned she still couldn't stay too long. If he was broken, or if he couldn't be found, Unit-02 was the only way she could keep them all alive.

Scrubbing quickly, not wanting to give in to the temptation of lingering in the bath, she was reminded of how horrifyingly terrible the water pressure and temperature was where she worked. It was 'hospital pressure', which was either sandblasting your skin off or barely dampening you. It was also 'hospital temperature', which was always far too hot or absolutely frigid. A smirk grew on her lips as she realized how that seemed to define a lot of her life of late. She was either drowning in people, or alone. Fat with love, or fighting with those who loved her.

Putting everything away after cleaning herself, she looked in the mirror and grimaced. No sleep, little food, and now a missing husband had taken their toll on her. What had started with Rei's death, and continued with Noelle's, was growing to age her far before her time. Making a cursory check for grey hairs, though finding none, she wondered what age the record-holder was for going completely white. There was nothing to be done for the lost, she shouldn't dwell. Grief could come when Shinji was there to hold her during it.

Getting dressed didn't take her long, the house shorts and tank top only intended to last until her uniforms were clean again. Though the first snag to her plans was fairly major, as when she opened the bathroom door leading into her bedroom, her wife was standing on the other side reaching for the latch. "…Hi."

"Hello," Hikari was quite obviously not prepared for the meeting either, as the typically poised young woman was visibly scanning her wife in hopes of finding some clue as to how she should respond.

"I'll make you a deal," everything was salvageable, "I'll go start my laundry. You do what you were going to do. I'll meet you back in the bedroom after my clothes are moving, and you agree to not start everything off with anger." If she'd been more rested, she might have managed the situation with more grace, but the delivery being rough didn't change the merits of her plan.

"…Agreed." Hikari stood aside, holding her hands before her stomach as she did. Her posture indicated both discomfort and disquiet, though her poise had begun to return when she found she wasn't being faced with anger in return. It wasn't the fiery passion she wanted on being reunited with either of her spouses, and she was increasingly concerned that those passions weren't going to be enough to hold them together while her husband found himself.

+++++ 14th Angel + 15: Wednesday (104)

Suzuka's duty to Shinji, and her oath to the daughters of the Horaki family, seemed to be at odds with one another. There was no conceivable way that a rational person could believe that the best place for him at the moment was anywhere near his household. Through his sobs, the bits and pieces of broken lives he shared reminded her of those fragments of her own history she hadn't yet shared with him. One did not live four hundred years without suffering significant traumas, humanity was simply not designed to refrain from cruelty.

The names that were 'safe' began to make more sense as he purged himself of his pain. For any life where he had known Yang Xu, she was ever loyal and faithful to his needs. She might have been a friend, an ally, a lover, a wife, but never once had she led him astray. Those lives she herself shared with him were spent as either wife or mentor, depending on the times of their births, or her success in previous marriages. The final name, that of his elder wife, had a similar standing. Comforting after he'd been abused terribly, or even dying in an effort to free him from misery.

She couldn't believe, but would never doubt, his contentions regarding the other women that had gathered about him. The woman he loved more than any was nearly always antagonistic, and frequently left him for another 'better' mate. Her elder sister was either his sole love, or a jealous and spurned stalker. The younger pair in the house grew up frequently to demand he accept them, not taking 'no' for an answer. As often happy as he would appear with Tsuru Mitsuishi, she hid a green streak of jealousy that kept him from even forming friendships with others.

The fallen were even worse for him. His best friend or most earnest lover, Noelle Minders' death ate at him with each happy memory he had of a life she'd never been allowed to see. The knowledge that Rei would ever defend him, no matter the cost to her own life or happiness, ripped open the still-healing wounds in his soul. He had failed these women, in his own mind if no one else's, and there was no way to repair the damage done.

There was no way for her to comfort him by explaining away his visions as 'dreams', he'd lived them. He had whole lives worth of memories to accompany them, emotions and pains that came with them. Listening to him describe their daughters, she'd always borne him twin girls, she absolved herself of the need to remain detached. He begged her to forgive him, that he'd lost limbs defending them, only to fail when they were overtaken by numbers. He'd lost them as he walked through a door, never knowing if they survived the fire. One had died in birth, stillborn. The other drowned in a river. Always another tragedy. Their beautiful, graceful, curious, little girls….

+++++ 14th Angel + 15: Wednesday (104)

"It isn't…." Maya sighed, she knew the situation wasn't as simple as someone outside of their bizarre circumstances would feel it to be. Standing in the bedroom she shared with her spouses, as the two weeks at NERV had made her seriously question whether this was her 'home' or merely where the government had her down as living, she let her eyes flick back and forth in the air above Hikari's head for a few moments as she sought a way to phrase the response without becoming antagonistic.

"I pushed him into it," Hikari stated with a horrid taste in her mouth, though her face remained stoic. "He offered me the world, I took advantage of that offer. This isn't his fault. He trusted me…he shouldn't have."

"No, that's not what I'm trying to say," she didn't want to yell at her wife. She didn't want to be her grandmother. She begged for the strength to not just lash out with what she felt was the 'most' honest answer. Yes. It was her fault. Their husband was currently running from everyone and everything because he was forced to take on too much. Hikari had piled it high and she had piled it thick, never once with truly negative intentions, just with the short-sightedness of youth.

"Then stop trying to find the perfect words, and just say it." Nobody hated Hikari at that moment more than she herself did. Her elder sister had shown greater restraint. Her _younger_ sister had shown greater restraint. As everything continued to crumble around her, she knew she'd done what she could…and that managed to not be of any comfort at all. As she knew their restraint only lasted so long as well.

Maya was only human and couldn't keep her emotions from her words in total, "He fought the Fourteenth Angel as if he knew _exactly_ what it was going to do. He then received whatever 'powers', as idiotic as that word is to use here, Zeruel gave him. That interacted exceptionally poorly with the precognitive abilities that are common to your family. Was it because he fought the way he did? Was it because he was stuck in the future when the present changed? You can't tell me either answer. What I want to know from you is, _why_? Why couldn't you wait?"

"Because I am responsible for terrible, _terrible_ , things," Hikari swallowed, unable to deny the truth any longer to the woman she wished she could have been. "All of these futures where he dies?" She couldn't maintain eye contact, "I…I made mistakes, or got angry and ruined everything, or wasn't attentive enough…." Her voice was tiny, "I killed him, Maya. I made him so unhappy by keeping him to myself that…that…."

She doubted a great deal after the visions hadn't caught Noelle or Rei's deaths, "You can't-"

"I can't lose him," Hikari's eyes snapped back up to Maya's. "I can't give him everything he needs. I tried not pushing him to do anything, you know I did. The day he mentioned telling you 'no', I almost cried. You, Maya… _YOU!_ " Stomping her foot, she let her anger loose, "I never see a future where you cheat on him! Or beat him! Or berate him! _You_ were my wedding gift to him, a woman that would never do terrible things to him…." Tears streamed freely down her mottled cheeks, "I _need_ him to see that I love him more than anything on Earth, Maya. If he doesn't…if he doesn't, all I'll see for the rest of time are terrible futures."

"I was…do you…?" Maya suddenly felt very cold, "Was this just…."

"I wanted him all to myself, because he deadens the voices, the memories, the visions. But in you I found someone I could trust him with while I tried to stop a future that's determined to ruin everything," wiping, then rolling, her eyes she shrugged. "Then the future kept demanding others. If he doesn't love Kodama, she goes insane. His presence in her life, even occasionally, saves the child you have with him because Kodama is there to provide medical care. Suzuka was needed to prevent him from running away forever. I didn't know that it was _today_ , I thought it was something in the future. She is the only one who can stop him, not even Rose can." Her eyes refocused, "What would I do, Maya, when I had to look at you holding _our_ daughter's corpse…knowing I could have done something by sharing our husband, hmm? I love you…you wonderful, wonderful woman. And I hate how if I wasn't around, you and he would be so _happy_."

She couldn't answer her questions either, she couldn't refute things she couldn't see herself, "…You cheat on us?"

"Him," Hikari corrected her firmly. "Any future involving you? I keep my knees together. I'm the only one in this marriage that _hasn't_ slept with someone else, precisely because I'm terrified I'm going to get a taste for it and ruin everything." Laughing at herself, she shook her head slowly as she stared at the ground, "How many futures do you think he shuts down in, Maya? How many nights alone did I spend because he couldn't stop helping my 'friends' with their broken washing machine, or moving their TVs, who really only want him to get them pregnant? How long do I hold everything together when the one man I've ever wanted stops touching me because I can't stop picking at him? He never strays, he never cheats, it's me. I get jealous, I get petty, and some 'friend' of his catches me at a moment of stupid, pointless, weakness."

"You…oh, oh sweetie. Oh, I understand now," walking hurriedly forward she hugged her wife tightly, "you see yourself doing things you'd never do. You _live_ things you'd never do."

Her reserve shattered with the contact, her anger gone, all of her defenses against being the seventeen year old she was fled in the face of a comforting touch. Sobbing, great, heaving breaths she cried out, "I _hate_ myself, Maya! I hate myself so _fucking much_!"

+++++ 14th Angel + 15: Wednesday (104)

"…Wait a second," Rose stopped as she walked up to Ikari Manor. Her intent was to provide security herself, with her crew tasked to finding Shinji wherever he and Suzuka had gone to. Looking around with a mind clear of pain for the first time in weeks, she frowned as she realized something, "Where _did_ Lily go? She doesn't have to vanish to go into Shinji's soul…."

+++++ 14th Angel + 15: Wednesday (104)

Shinji held Suzuka in his lap, sitting with his back braced against the couch that faced the fireplace. Night had fallen, and the woman who had kept him from fleeing mindlessly forevermore felt that watching the flames would assist his meditations. He saw her using her phone, though he refrained from 'prying'. Her promise that no one else would arrive without her swiftly evicting them was given with the same tone and demeanor she'd used the time she promised him that if he didn't start acting serious regarding their training she'd thump him up and down the street until he did. She was deathly serious, and that made him feel safe for the first time in….

"Steady, dear heart," Suzuka's whispered admonition was accompanied by a hand reaching behind her to stroke his cheek. "We are not there. We are here, in this world. Those other worlds may wait their turn, as there are those in this world that have not yet finished enjoying your time."

"Has…has it come back?" He hadn't been able to talk to anyone mentally, hadn't been able to reach his soul's tenants, "I-I can't hear you."

"I have never needed the mental ties to know your thoughts," laying her head back against his shoulder, she turned to gaze up at him with boundless affection. "You make loving you so easy, Shinji. Your thoughts, your feelings, your fears, your hopes, they are all writ plain across every inch of your being. The way that you tensed told me all I needed to know, that your mind had drifted again."

Wrapping her in a hug, as he had several times an hour, he reassured himself that she was still who she said she was, "It must be so nice to be able to do that." His cheek rested atop her head, "Please don't hate me, Suzi. Please…."

"Anger and hatred are separate emotions. I may, from time to time, become angered with you. But hate? Never." Her phone buzzed, though she ignored it. "It would be like hating an enormous bear cub. Only one possessed of true cruelty could ever envision themselves acting with such depravity."

Shinji grinned at the memory of Asuka's nickname for him, "A mouse-sized bear, or a bear-sized mouse…."

"I would rather face a mouse-sized bear," Suzuka responded to what she believed to be a question. "It would be, unquestionably, the most adorable thing I'd ever seen. I would find it appropriate accommodations in my chambers, and ensure it received love and warmth. A bear-sized mouse would simply be terrifying as they are vicious creatures at their natural stature, and the increased mass would not improve their disposition."

"You're…afraid of mice?" The idea seemed insane on its face.

"I simply dislike how they comport themselves," he could tell she was acting haughtier than she was feeling, and he appreciated how she thought to distract him still. "With their constant gnawing on things that do not belong to them, and their leavings strewn about recklessly."

Turning her gently about so that she faced him, though remained in his lap, he gave her a solemn grin, "I will protect you from any mice, regardless of their size…Little Deer."

The way her lips turned slightly upwards gave him all the signal he'd ever need to know she loved him as deeply as she said she did, "You had best keep that promise. Or I shall be forced to maintain a sufficient quantity of cats on hand so as to become a 'crazy cat lady'."

+++++ 14th Angel + 16: Thursday (105)

"He's safe," Maya reported to Misato. Her wife had finally fallen victim to the sleeping aid that Rose had snuck into her tea after a quick consult, and would hopefully remain asleep long enough for Maya to do her legal duty. "I won't tell you where, and I would strongly counsel you against continuing to search. If we need him, I can talk to Suzuka-san and get him here." Their otherworldly guest had promised that would be possible even if he'd lost the ability to move at high speed. The pink-skinned captain had placed a ring of her people around the cabin at a far enough distance to enforce the embargo against visitors or well-wishers.

The sub-commander's voice was as tired as Maya herself felt, "Safe isn't the same as well, Maya. I asked how he was _doing_."

"She's not able to say for certain," the elder of his two wives left it intentionally vague. She knew how he was doing, he was terrified. He was coming down from an uncountable number of lifetimes of horrible experiences. He was adjusting to two new abilities while begging to be left alone. He believed there to be three people on the entire planet that wouldn't…that _hadn't_ betrayed him, and the woman she was talking to wasn't on the list.

"God… _DAMN IT_ ," the sound of flesh slapping oak echoed through the phone. "Ok…ok." Misato took several deep breaths, "You trust her to do this right? He's _your_ husband before he's my…anything. I need you to not bullshit me on this, Maya. Woman to woman, do we trust her with this?"

The progress that her friend had shown, and was showing, helped make the decision to be honest, "She's the only woman I'd trust to do this, Misato. Even I would make a mess of it, and I'm the only other woman I think would even have a chance."

A gravid pause followed before Misato spoke again, "Not even Hikari?"

"I won't get into it. I'm doing what I can to comfort our wife, and Suzuka's doing what she can to comfort our husband. Right now, the best thing for everyone is to just stay away, let him have some time to recover, and when he chooses to come back…for his sake let him set the pace in anything he does." She looked at the clock, "I have to go. We'll talk more at work, if Hikari chooses to go to school today…otherwise I'm taking the day off too."

"How are the two of you doing?" The desire for something good out of everything colored the question.

"We understand each other a little better," Maya had no interest in putting her married life out for analysis, and left it at that. "I'll talk to you later, Misato."

+++++ 14th Angel + 16: Thursday (105)

Suzuka dozed on the couch, little more than a nap really, giving Shinji enough time to 'sneak' over to the kitchen and allow himself to fall back into old habits. She'd told him that everyone would know where he was, that he wouldn't be expected to return to NERV, and he forced himself to trust her. She'd never once betrayed him, even though it resulted in her…. " _Stop_." Whispering the word vehemently, he gripped the handle to the refrigerator tightly, "You're not there. You're here."

Tugging open the door to see what materials he had within to make use of, his eyes widened as he saw nearly everything he'd ever need or want to make anything his Little Deer would ever need or want…sitting behind a neatly folded piece of stock paper addressed to him bearing what he knew to be Nanako's handwriting. Liberating it from the shelf it was tucked onto, he unfolded it and closed the door to not waste electricity.

'To our dearest Shinji,

'I know that it will be you who opens this first. To be honest, Suzuka has never been one for eating anything more complex than required unless someone else makes it for her. In that, like hundreds of other ways, Gen and I feel you will be a far better match for her than Suzuki-kun ever was. I do not say that to belittle him as he is a good friend, if still a very flawed man, but to explain to you how wonderful a match you are to the woman beside you.

'Suzuka will guard your back, she will guard your secrets, she will not, however, excite your taste buds with culinary masterpieces. Perhaps with kisses, though that remains between you and her. You are a gentleman and would never kiss and tell, and the one time I asked her, she chastised me thoroughly for asking her to do so. Feed her well, Shinji. She deserves someone like you, and you deserve as much happiness as you can find in this insane world we all live in.

'With all the love we have,

'Aunt Nanako and Uncle Gen'

"Is all well, dearest?" Suzuka stood in the doorway, changed out of her robes into an outfit he'd never seen her in. Sweatpants and a loose tank top without her chest wraps, "You had a slight frown…before you looked at me." With the smile he'd come to love, she walked casually over and hugged him, "I do not prefer being so casual around those I must guide. It sets a bad precedent, and lowers their attention span. You, however, do not require guidance. You require patience. Now," stepping back, she tilted her head slightly, "is aught amiss?"

"No, no," his heart hurt. He wanted nothing more than to be worthy of everything that she was, to not be the horrifically flawed man that he was, to…. Haltingly, he attempted to hand her the card, "I-it's f-from…." He couldn't hear her song, so he couldn't tell her emotional state, and the slight frown seemed to be one of concern rather than anger. When she gently plucked the card from his hand, scanning through it quickly, he nodded, "N-Nana-chan."

"A dear friend indeed." Settling the card on the counter, she kept her tone free of anxiety, "What brought the frown, this is a lovely note from two who regard you highly."

He couldn't keep his stammer from growing as his fears that people were near grew, "How…uhm, h-how did th-they know?"

Her hands stroked his chest; calm, soothing, petting motions, "I asked them to prepare this cabin a few days ago after the plan was hatched to restore you to consciousness. I thought, perhaps, you might need time and space. I had not believed you would to the degree you have shown necessary, but better overly prepared than under, yes?"

It made sense, and her touch was working its magic, "S-so…."

"We are alone, and will remain so until an Angel attacks or you choose not to be so," she reassured him. "Nanako-chan put the note here unaware of your plight, but fully aware that you and I might find our way here. I promise you, none shall beset us as you recover."

Crushing her against his chest in a hug, he picked her up and set her upon the counter to prevent her from leaving, "D-don't go." His heart was pounding, she was going to abandon him. He was weak. He wasn't the man she needed. "P-p-p-please. N-not alone…."

If he could see into Suzuka's thoughts, if he could have felt her song, he would have known that she wanted nothing more than to remain at his side. That she hurt as badly as he did for his misfortunes. Quietly organizing a list of ways to distract him while she checked for any other well-intentioned timebombs, she clung to him with as much strength as he did her. She wanted him to know he was loved, he was needed, and that she would be whatever he desired.

+++++ 14th Angel + 16: Thursday (105)

"He's still quick to frighten," Maya read from her phone, reporting to the senior leadership plus Asuka and Rose. Her wife had been eager for the distraction and normalcy of school, rather than dwelling at home and lingering on the imagery. "Suzuka-san is unwilling to give an estimate, only that she's confident if an Angel attacks he would be out of wherever they are hiding and heading towards home before she could stop him."

"Of course he would," Asuka scoffed. "He's no damn coward. He just needs time to process what he went through, right?" She looked around the room, "He got pummeled by some ridiculous number of copies of us, I think he's earned a few weeks in a safe place away from a bunch of people that want to crowd him. He's an introvert, having even one person around him is probably one person too much."

"No one is questioning his valor," Kozo eyed his pilot. "We are concerned for his well-being, which is the point of this meeting. I want it spread around everyone's sections: Shinji Ikari is recovering. The last enemy used some form of mental poison when it wrapped around Unit-01's head. It has forced him to hear and feel the thoughts of everyone he is around. Until it is fully extracted, or until another assault, he has chosen to isolate himself to protect their privacy and personal integrity."

"I'm not sure he'd want us to lie for him," Akane frowned. Her presence was representing Section Two, as the remainder of the leadership was neck deep in determining how someone under their protection had been beheaded.

"He'd like it a lot less if we spread around the truth," Ritsuko shrugged. "We need our people to understand why they saw their hero hightail it out of here like he was on fire. This lie is a lot more believable, and it retains the mystique he's built up. We don't have to chant it like some sutra, we just need to spread it around and let the rumor mill work it through the rest."

"I'll continue to work with Unit-02 and Asuka," Maya tried to move the conversation back on track. They had things to accomplish if she was going to make it home in time for dinner, "I would like it if Doctor Akagi set aside some of the work on Rei-chan, so that we can refocus on refitting Unit-02 with appropriate joint actuators. She'll also work with me on Unit-01, there is some repair work that requires calibration based on old data, and she can project Shinji's growth outwards better than I can at the moment."

As Misato went to complain, Kozo raised his hand to silence her, "I agree with Lieutenant Colonel Ikari. Right now, our best defense is standing in this room. If we could defeat even one Angel without Lead Pilot Ikari bailing us out, it would lighten the load on an already overtaxed young man. Doctor Akagi, limit your time with Pilot Ayanami to the minimum necessary medical checks. Sub-Commander, I would like to speak with you in private. Everyone else, be about your business."

Urging Asuka on, Shinji's elder wife lowered her voice, "Get into your work clothes. I'll be on the bridge in a few minutes."

"Ok." She hesitated long enough to raise her eyebrow, the question obvious.

The redhead was a very different young woman than she remembered, and as angry as Asuka was at Hikari she wasn't the type of woman to wish ill on anyone, "It went well. Thank you."

"Fair enough," glancing at Ritsuko as the doctor walked past she rolled her eyes and flounced off. There would be time to talk later, and she'd have better luck without everyone around.

"Ritsuko," Maya hurried over to catch the quarter blonde. Dropping her pace down to match the taller woman's as they moved towards the central hub of the GeoFront, she lowered her voice, "Thank you."

"It's not the first time I've lied for an Ikari," the scientist shrugged with a smirk. "It _is_ the first time I've lied and felt good about it. He's suffering enough, he doesn't need people ganging up on him." Setting a lollipop in her mouth, she tossed the wrapper into the nearby trash bin as they passed, "I can't very well ask him to make me immortal and beautiful forever if he cracks under a frankly obscene amount of pressure. We've built him into a legend, it's best we keep him stable on that pedestal."

+++++ 14th Angel + 16: Thursday (105)

"Life…isn't what you think it is," Shinji's hands were occupied, he was finally making the meal he'd intended to before he'd slipped into a three hour long fit of crying. With Suzuka acting as his apprentice, from her position before him as he guided _her_ hands to perform the necessary motions, he felt stronger. She trusted him enough to allow him to manipulate her limbs, and she subtly flirted with him by pressing back against him from time to time, reminding him that she was a powerfully attractive woman. "The endless permutations all follow the same script, just using different actors. Those actors end up using different words, or different actions, but causing the same end goals to be met each time. Instrumentality, or avoiding it, is _always_ the end goal of everything…after that is when things become muddled."

Suzuka was happy to listen to him talk about his worries, if more than a touch concerned that he might be pushing himself too far to do so, "And so, you are confident that we have another two weeks before the next Angel would appear?"

"This was one of the few constants," he set her to mixing the ingredients together, lowering his hands to her hips. "After Zeruel's defeat, there was a month. I spent it as part of Unit-01, or in a hospital in a coma after trauma, or working together with a small group to prepare traps…." Shaking off the memories as they scrambled to climb into the fore of his mind, he felt the woman before him arch her back to keep contact with him around those same hips as she looked backwards at him, "S-Suzuka?"

"Concentrate on me, Little Bear," the view she shared down her tank top was clearly intentional, her eyes full of an eager offer of anything he needed to stop himself from falling back into morbid despair. "Tell me," continuing to stir the bowl full of their lunch, she set her flesh swaying enticingly, "what's next for our meal?"

"Uhm…once…once it's mixed so that each…uhm…portion…." He could feel himself becoming excited sexually, the way that she'd frozen him in place meant that she couldn't remain ignorant of it either. As her gyrations shifted directions, he managed to breathe out, "S-Suzi…I'm…."

"Fully within your rights to desire the comforts of a woman who loves you dearly," she purred. "If losing yourself in the act of bringing me pleasure might assist you in settling your disquiet, I see no need to bid you hesitate." Lifting one foot, she ran its top along the back of his calf, "I am yours, Shinji Ikari. If you will this, we are alone and I am willing. If you do not will this, then I will accept that as your desire and we shall resume our lesson in food preparation."

Forcing himself to take a step back, he shook his head, "N-not…n-not until…." Swallowing, he focused on his stammer, "I do not want to denigrate you by using you for something so…rude." He frowned, the word he wanted not making its way through the fog of desperate lust. "You do not deserve to be used as nothing more than a physical outlet for my anxieties. I love you too much to treat you that way."

Keeping her hair from moving over the mixing bowl, she turned and faced him, "If you love me as you say, and I love you, then that is precisely how I should be engaged. It is not 'use', nor is it abuse, to ask me for comfort in whatever form that may take, dear heart. I ask you this," she maintained a comfortable distance to not crowd him and force things towards any particular end, "would you like to know what your elder wife has said? You know I have been sharing your recovery with her. But I have not spoken of her words to limit those same anxieties you mentioned."

He blinked, "How is that relevant?"

"It touches on your thoughts," she left the answer vague enough to allow him to continue to deny his needs.

"…Is Maya ok?" He loved his wife; he just didn't know if she was ever going to love him again.

"She worries over you. Even from this distance, she hopes that you feel her love for you," Suzuka reached over and picked up her phone. Flipping through the texts, she found where she wished to start, accepting that his question was an oblique way of granting assent, "Her words, 'I don't care three figs if you and he come back home married, Suzuka-chan. After everything that's just happened, if he decides that's what we're doing? That's what we're doing. He, you, and I can be married.' I responded that I would not push you to sign any paperwork in such a vulnerable state. 'What I'm saying is: act like you're his wife. I have to be here to take care of mine. He has to be somewhere else, because being here is the worst place for him until he's calm. He and I are introverts, his battery is drained. Be Suzuka Ikari, we'll deal with the legal niceties later'." Setting the device back down, she shrugged her shoulders with a flirtatious twist, "A wife, at least one worth calling such, does not shy away from romantic embrace when it suits both her husband's needs as well as her own. I nearly lost you, Little Bear. My own body is begging me for your touch, but I have kept it at bay, and will continue to do so should you not feel ready to engage."

He couldn't hear her song, all he had was her lifelong devotion to brutal honesty, "Later." He didn't want to rush into things because his lower body ached to unite with her. Because he remembered billions of lives where her touch was the only thing that made the pain stop. Because she could do things with her tongue that- "…Later."

+++++ 14th Angel + 16: Thursday (105)

"Misato was rather angry," Maya sighed, helping Hikari make dinner. "The Commander has determined that at this time we cannot continue to pursue Rei-chan's recovery in the face of everything else. Ritsuko's talents are too valuable, and her lack of any sign of progress too damning for the project."

"And he doesn't know?" Mixing in the seasonings by hand, the freckle-faced beauty didn't care that they were talking about a morbid topic. She cared that they were _talking_. Maya wasn't as good at silencing the 'television' that was her mind as her husband, but the smaller woman's love was still wonderful to bask in.

"He doesn't. He's making the kinds of decisions that a leader has to make in these circumstances. It's not winning him any friends, but friendship isn't why he's there." Slicing the last of the carrots, she curled her mouth off to the side, "I wish I could tell them. I wish that I _had_ told them. But right now, with everything going on…." Spying the motion before their entrance, Maya changed the topic, "How did the test go today?"

Hikari could feel the intrusion, felt the mixture of frustration and certitude that accompanied her thoughts on the situation, and schooled her tone towards friendly, "I think that if Yang studied harder, she'd be in the top five students. As it is, she's top ten. Tsuru has done quite well, and continues to prove our hopes well-placed. She'll make an excellent chemist."

"I could do better," the farmgirl hesitated, not certain if she should attempt to comfort Hikari while Maya was right there.

"Our Class Rep," Yang wasn't ignorant of the situation, and had accompanied Tsuru to help keep everything from becoming too overbearing, "remains the number two student in class. If _she_ would study harder, she might have dislodged the number one. Since his stranglehold on the position is weakened by him missing class." She knew that there was a very real possibility of no one getting what they wanted, with the way Hikari had become colder of late towards Tsuru, and following their conversation in the bath. "What kind of dishes are we putting out tonight?"

"Right there," Maya pointed with her elbow as she washed her hands. "I expect all three of you to study harder. Our situation isn't great, I'll never deny that you have reasons to lose focus, but if you are going to be of any help during a crisis, you need to be able to concentrate even when things are going terribly wrong all around you." Plucking the hand towel to dry off, she looked to her wife, "Stop holding yourself back. He'd hate it if he found out that you didn't live up to your potential."

"You're right," Hikari looked down at the bowl, frowning. "Stupid wife being right all the time."

"If I was right all the time," Maya hugged her from behind, "I wouldn't be married to a wonderful young woman." Sharing a silent look of appreciation for the young Shirakami who was acting as a living blockade against Tsuru, she received a wink in return. "I'm not angry, sweetie. It's your life, I don't make your choices. I just want you to hear the facts. Decide the truth for yourself."

Accepting the stack of bowls from her classmate, Tsuru nodded eagerly, "That's very good advice, and a very healthy way to be. My Da always said that to Ma. Maybe it's just farm advice. You grew up on one too, right Maya-san?"

"I did," she wasn't unattracted to Tsuru, she just wanted everything to slow down. Too many changes, too quickly, had brought them to where they were. If Rose was right, they had forever to grow in love. "Although, I got the advice from one of the older women in town. My mother was forever telling my father what to do. It's why I was so eager to leave home. I love my parents, but…well, let's just say distance helps with that."

"Mom was always doing that to Daddy too," Hikari whispered, another realization crawling up her spine. With her eyes on the mixing bowl, she missed Yang shoving Tsuru out of the room towards the dining area. "Just like me…just like Koko. We've been pushing him to do what we think is best." Stepping free of the hug, she turned to look at Maya, "When did I lose sight of the point of marrying him? When did I stop trusting the only man I'll ever love?"

Maya clasped her hands gently before her, pleased that Hikari was having a moment of self-realization, but upset that it hurt the woman she loved so much, "I can't tell you that either. I don't have the sight you do, Hikari. I think those are excellent questions, and I'll support you as best as I can in finding the answers…wherever they may lead."

+++++ 14th Angel + 17: Friday (106)

"It's…not just the memories," sitting in the bath, Suzuka in his lap laid against his chest, Shinji tried to explain better what had happened. "Memories are things that you have when you look backwards. You remember tasting lemons. You remember burning your hand. I'm remembering _forwards_. If I concentrate, I can perform a tracheotomy, or drive a tank, or birth a cow. I've seen so many futures, lived so many pasts, and I remember them all. It's…crowded?" Resting his chin on her head, he sighed, "I have to focus, just to stop from calling you things that you've no way of understanding."

It was a rare man that could hold someone as tall as she was, and make her feel so tiny and protected, "It is not often that I have no experience to offer as an aid for someone. I remember many things, myself, but only one contiguous line of events. To have the need to recall the future, that is…other's realm."

"She must spend all day terrified." It was the first time he'd even obliquely referenced his younger wife, and the typical emotions associated with her were no longer intact or present, "Or in pain. She can only see the future, to a point. Actions in the immediate present, but never far enough to know how they truly go. That's…." He clutched Suzuka closer, memories of Nozomi forcing him to accept her as his wife after everyone else had become bored of him drawing nearer, "The tumor. It unblocked her access to the visions when they removed it. She…changed…or she became who she always was."

"Do you still love her?" She wouldn't beat around the bush with this question, she needed to know for his sake what he was thinking.

"I can't not love her," the pain in his voice was mixed with the venom of future traumas. "Even as I saw the tape of her sucking on Keitaro in her wedding dress on the day of our ceremony, I loved her still." His hands twitched until Suzuka placed them on her stomach, calming immediately and grounding him to the present. His anger, though, couldn't be so easily constrained, "I…I _lived_ for her. She asked me to accept others, I have. She asked me to love them, I have. She said she saw no good futures without them present, and never once did I stop to ask, 'good for who?' How many futures did she see? Have I seen all of them myself? Does she love me enough to let me be who I am? Does she love me enough to let me die if living means hurting her?" _I just loved the_ idea _of you, Shinji._ " _DID SHE EVER LOVE ME AT ALL?!_ "

+++++ 14th Angel + 17: Friday (106)

"I'm playing chess against someone I can't see," Hikari tried to explain to Yang as they worked on laundry after school. "But I don't know the rules, and I can only see the pieces I'm allowed to see. Every move they make, there are only so many moves I can make in return without losing everything. The more women around him, the better. What's even more important, however, is fewer men. Every single time a man is involved, the chances of tragedy increase exponentially." She shook her head, "I'm surprised we made it through Ogawa without something terrible happening. On the way back, everything was clouded. It always is around the Angels."

"But wouldn't that mean that you _should_ have more men around?" Yang folded everything with precision as Hikari pulled it from the dryer, "It would prove, one way or another, that you are right to be worried."

"Gen-san, Uncle Kozo, they're safe enough," she closed her eyes as the vision of her uncle being shot by Shinji's father repeated itself. "Even, honestly, Suzuki-san." Holding up her hand to ask for a moment, she opened her eyes again and looked up the stairs, when she was confident nobody was approaching, she lowered her voice, "Somehow…every male that is brought in to our circle of friends somehow kills one of us or…."

"If we can't stay loyal to Shinji, we shouldn't be with Shinji," Yang stated with equal quiet confidence.

"Yang… _I_ can't stay loyal to Shinji." Tears threatened her eyes as she reached out to trust the leggy waitress, "I see nothing but endless visions of me…of me being little more than a cuckolding whore. Its an unceasing parade of perfectly reasonable decisions to fuck men who pretend to be his friend. To fuck men who kill you, or Maya. I don't know what's wrong with me, but not having all of you around to…to love." Wiping away the lone tear to escape, she suddenly hugged Yang tight, "I do love you, Yang. This isn't…I'm not just grabbing women at random. I'm serious when I say that. I could have included Natsuko-san, there was 'good' futures with her after she calmed down. I wouldn't. I _won't_. If someone can't love all of us…I won't."

"Maybe the lesson from all of this is patience." Yang enjoyed the hug, she enjoyed having Hikari begin to confide in her. She wished that it had happened months ago, before everything had become hopelessly complicated by one woman thinking she knew all the answers…. "If wishes were fishes, the cat would be fat."

"…What?" Leaning back, Hikari blinked, "That…my mother used to say that."

"My Ma says it all the time," Yang grinned. "Usually when I say that I wish I didn't have to work so hard."

Searching her friend's eyes, Hikari leaned into the risks she was taking, "Am I wrong to fight against losing him, Yang? Am I wrong to do everything I can to keep him alive?"

"I think you're wrong to do it on the timescale you are," an honest question deserved an honest response. "We both know that you made a mistake in asking him to tie you to him. That's done, it's over with. What we can do _now_ is try and patch the holes you've blown in everything. As far as bringing other women in…I think the only people who can answer that are you, Maya, and Shinji. He loves me. I know he does. But it never needs to be more than fondness. He won't take it further unless you and I make it past what's blocking everyone."

She repeated herself, "I love you too."

"And I love you," Yang smiled warmly. "But that too never needs to be more than fondness."

"Your children with him will save my life." Admitting one of the many reasons it needs to be more than Yang thought, Hikari continued taking risks, "Which, in turn, saves his. He loves me so desperately that he doesn't often outlive me…. At least when I'm not sucking some asshole's dick on our wedding day," clenching her teeth together and her eyes shut, she forced the vision away.

"That's not who you are," she gently cupped Hikari's cheeks. "Stop." As hazel eyes focused on her, Yang smiled, "I see myself doing all sorts of stupid things. I mean, I've seen myself losing my virginity to my dad, and that's gross and terrifying. It's our minds messing with us because nobody has as good of control over their thoughts as they pretend to publicly. We just don't talk about the things we see, because we're afraid of what other people will say. I don't have the ability to see the future that you do, and I'm seeing that kind of…." Shaking with disgust she made a face, "Blech." After Hikari stifled a giggle, she knew she'd distracted her enough to make her main point, "Don't blame yourself for things you haven't done. Some other you, one that is a far worse person, may have done terrible things. You, Hikari Ikari, with the goofiest name I've ever heard, are _not_ that woman."

Hearing a peer admit her own worries buoyed her, though the doubt remained, "But am I the woman he should be with?"

+++++ 14th Angel + 17: Friday (106)

The world was far too cramped for Shinji, though he did not blame the oblate spheroid for its size. He was asking it to somehow contain more lives than could be held within the entirety of Creation, which was rather unfair to ask of a single, tiny, world. Dancing with Suzuka, a flowing, formal, dance that spoke of romance and love, he attempted to lose himself enough to forget. To forget the world. To forget Creation. To forget the driving force that had pushed him to wake up each morning for three months. "I want to kill them."

"It would not change the memories," she knew his mind. The thought had often occurred to her over the centuries.

"It would create new ones," he countered. "Memories where the people who…who gave her things I couldn't?" His anger found no ground to hold beneath the love Suzuka gifted to him, "It's a pain without resolution. I was not enough, and so she sought out others. Yet here I am, in love with another woman."

"A woman who loves the same child you do," slipping through the loop his arm made, she spun with unearthly grace to extend her leg outwards, "who loves the same woman you do." Rolling back against him, she kept her leg extended to balance against the dip, "And who is loved by them in kind. I am here, with you, because they will it so. The situation, Little Bear, is not analogous." Changing the focus of her eyes to look up at the stars, she sought to change the topic back away from picking at a wound that needed more time to heal properly, "Another thing I have not ever done. Dancing upon the peak of a roof, beneath the starry sky. Even in wretched agony, you are more romantic than any before you."

Righting her, he held her as if she were made of the finest crystal, "I am blessed beyond hope to have you by my side, Suzuka Ikari." As she laced her fingers behind his neck, he hesitated to bend for a kiss. "Please…flee. Run, and never look back. I am cursed, I am _death itself_. I am no better than Suzuki, no better than my father."

"I shall not," there was a pleasure in knowing that he couldn't read her emotions. He would believe her pain his own fault, as opposed to simply a reflection of his own. A gentle, kind, soul who had latched onto the love of a young woman with a terrible power. He did not deserve blame for doing what he could to bring her, or any of them, joy. He was forthright, he was honest, he was not hiding behind false masks or secretive dates. Suzuka could smile up at him without allowing such pains to show, could give him the love he desperately needed without lacing it with the poison of doubt. "You are mine, Shinji Ikari. If at the end of this, you cannot continue to be with anyone else, I will remain. By your own words, I have never once played you false. If millions upon billions of Suzuka can remain faithful and true, then I can do no other."

He grit his teeth, trying not to give in to the warm affection hanging in his grasp, "You've known me three months."

"I knew my second husband one day," she shrugged. "A good man, if stunted in views. He did not believe that there were such things as spirits, only held to what he could hold, or see. We struck it off, having combined forces to save a family's stable that we were both passing by. I was impressed by his stature; he was impressed by my poise."

"…And if we never marry?" He wasn't certain he'd ever want to bond someone like that again.

Her smile turned wistful, "Might I still call myself Suzuka Ikari? For what is a wife, but the woman no man would ever misuse, abuse, or cheat upon? A pretty paper, a silly ceremony…these are not what make men husbands or women wives. It is this," she patted over his heart, "it is _love_."

+++++ 14th Angel + 17: Friday (106)

"No, that wouldn't be wise," Rose shook her head. "In the society I'm from, the problem you're facing happens often." She frowned, "You see, the man starts to wonder if he's done something unforgivable when the woman won't speak to him, even though everyone knows he hasn't, but he can't approach the woman. She's of a higher caste, and if he did so it would be scandalous should she answer his questions. The answer, at least in a healthy family, is for one of the other women to go to that woman and tell her to pull her head out of her ass and talk to the man of her own free will if she actually cares about him."

Sitting in the bath with the pink-skinned captain, both Maya and Hikari listened intently. It was Hikari, however, that spoke first, "But…you just said I shouldn't send him a message."

The captain snorted, "Are you a higher caste? In this relationship, I hate to be this blunt but we're the [Song] in this relationship." She rolled her finger around to include the three women soaking, "We're waiting on him to recover. We need someone to tell him to reach out to us with his concerns, so that we can address them. We've set Suzuka to doing that. The second part of the situation is waiting for the right time to happen. Sometimes the man has to wait for a week or two. One, in a neighboring household from where I was raised, waited three of your years."

"I doubt it will be that long," Maya stepped in quickly, sensing her wife's sudden despair.

"With Shinji? Doubtful," Rose agreed. "But ultimately, the situation has put all of us on a lower standing. I couldn't prevent him from being harmed, despite that being my duty. You," she gestured to Maya, "couldn't maintain order in your marriage, despite that being your duty. And you," she looked finally to Hikari, "allowed your fears and anxieties to rule you, harming everyone else in this relationship. We need to accept our penance, allow the woman we trust to do as she must, and when he comes to talk to us…listen to what he has to say. We'll want to jump on him and tell him we love him and smother him with affection, but that won't be where he is at mentally. He will be angry, he will be scared, he will feel betrayed. He needs to express those sentiments, so that we may show him we care about _him_. He'll make our suffering up to us, because he loves us. It will further our debt to him, which will allow us to _then_ show that we love him."

"…I guess I do deserve to suffer for this," Hikari sighed.

"No, you don't. Nobody _deserves_ to suffer, Hikari. Not even the worst people in the galaxy deserve to suffer. We owe it to others to learn, to grow from what we've done that has caused suffering to others. Suffering by itself is pointless, because it only fuels darker emotions in ourselves and those around us. I said _penance_ for a reason. Penance requires that we act. That we do things to make the situation we've created better for everyone around us, as a way to show that we're learning." The starship officer smiled with confidence, "I have set my people to guarding him with orders to not report his actions, allowing my family to view my [Song] in intimate ways that I shall not until he forgives me. It allows them to come to understand the man that will be joining my clan, and demonstrates that I am not above reproach. Maya has set about speaking to everyone else for him in his absence to keep his standing where it belongs, despite there being no reason she can't go see him herself."

"He wants to be alone," Maya answered quietly.

"You are one of three people that didn't wrong him in a single vision he had," Rose wasn't interested in pussyfooting around the truth. "He would accept you up there at his side without hesitation. You are not, because you understand your honor. Don't lie, [Song], it's beneath you. You are managing your penance, and are preparing the place he should feel safest for his return. It is a strong goal, a worthy act."

Hikari began to understand the psychological underpinnings, the need for a group to have group-based penalties and reparations for ill-deeds, "Then, what should I do?"

"If I gave you that answer, your penance would be meaningless as it would serve my needs, not his." Standing, she let both women see her curves as she stretched, "For now, though, I will ask that we all sleep together tonight. I have been aggressively lonely, and have been negligent in my duty to both of you as the heads of the household. Two goals with a single stroke."

Hikari blushed, whispering, "I…shouldn't."

"No, you should. Either you are a full partner to him, and partake in the same acts as you demand he performs in your name, or you are a slave-owner." Planting her fists on her hips, she leaned forward, "I would not be well pleased to know that the man I love is trapped in slavery."

"But…but you two," fear forced her to continue her celibacy.

"It's your choice, Hikari," Maya understood what Rose was trying to do, but couldn't avoid supporting her wife appropriately.

"Are…are you?" The freckle-faced beauty's eloquence had fled, "I mean…."

"If you are," the elder wife agreed that bonding wouldn't be the worst thing to do. Either they were all equals, or there was no equality. "She is a part of our house, has his blessing, and has a fantastic ass."

"Squats," Rose shrugged. "Builds a good base for the form of close-quarters combat we teach."

Hikari could feel desire swelling further, but fear still held its ground, "You don't think he'll…."

"He was happy when this one," she pointed at Maya, "took the offer of the woman he's currently recovering with. He was not lying when he said that he has no problem with all of us enjoying time with any of us. He just does not want us to bring in outsiders. A sensible, and just, precaution. It limits him just as tightly, and provides him the boundaries that his mindset requires. I will say this: I do not think for one second that our choosing or not choosing to do this will impact whether he remains with us. We need not answer for the crimes other versions of us have performed, but we _do_ have to show him that we are not those women."

+++++ 14th Angel + 18: Saturday (107)

His fingers danced along the keys as if he'd been playing for decades. The song had come out of nowhere in the middle of the morning's conversation over breakfast, and the piano responded beautifully to his need to share. It was a lively, bluesy rock and roll tune dealing with a tragic concept. The lyrics, which he accompanied his playing with in flawless English, spoke of a man unable to explain to the listener how no one could understand his perspective unless they'd been there for it. At just over four minutes, it didn't take long for him to perform, and it said so much that he couldn't find the words for on his own.

"And that, for only fourteen years of experience," Suzuka agreed. "You and I have lived far beyond that scope, and I only so much when compared to your lives in aggregate."

"It's pointless to compare," switching to another song, he let his fingers flow through the lyric-less tune as he spoke. "You've lived over four hundred years, a constant, contiguous, line. You have a string of memories from the first to the latest. Each of my memories is anchored at the same key point: Instrumentality. Each day, each hour, each second of time lived with endless permutations. Your deck of memories is stacked high, like a tower. Mine is aligned along the ground, chaotically. Some lives were short, the event ruining everything after only five years. Others much longer, where I was in my forties when Instrumentality ruined everything. I can't understand your frame of reference, Suzi. I know you can't understand mine…." Pounding a discordant note, he felt his neck and arms bulge with anger, "So what hope do I have of convincing them?!"

Wrapping her arms around him, just above his shoulders, she laid against his back heavily. Of any being in all of Creation at the moment, she knew she was the safest. For days she'd comforted him, soothed his wounds, weathered his rage, all without once feeling as if he'd turn on her. His ire was directed inwards, as feelings of inadequacy and struggles to adapt to his station ruined his dreams of a simpler life. "They need no convincing, dear heart. They will know you cannot express yourself in simple, pithy, phrases. They will show you patience, or," she kissed him on the ear as she felt his body begin to relax, "I will remind them of its virtue."

Reaching behind him, he stroked her head. She'd taken to wearing her exceedingly long hair down, displaying that they were safe and secluded in every facet of her being so that he would begin to do exactly what he had been. He knew she was working him through recovery, just as he knew she was working her way deeper and deeper into his heart. The sudden desire to take her into the bedroom and spend a day tangling the sheets was strangled, he would not use her for such cheap relief, "Let's work on fashioning some practice staves." It would distract him from how much he wanted her…for a little longer.

+++++ 14th Angel + 18: Saturday (107)

"She's realized how much damage she's done to everything she wanted," Maya shared a lunch with Asuka, keeping her promise to appraise those who loved Shinji of what was being done about his struggles. "Everything she's done was done with the hope that it would save lives. Or keep him from suffering. Or any of a dozen laudable goals."

"None of which she bothered to explain to him in more detail than, 'This needs to happen or it's bad!' Not exactly the marriage I'd aspire to having with my husband, Maya." Auburn tresses flicked side to side in irritation as she shook her head, "I get it. He's big into forgiveness. But she's dug herself one hell of a hole, and she might want to start making her peace with knowing he's off living a better life with another woman."

The Lieutenant Colonel raised one eyebrow, "My husband is with someone who will most likely become _my_ wife. Suzuka is not there because she was randomly chosen. I trust her to care for the most important man in _my_ world."

Meeting ire with ire, Asuka did not back down, "I'm being straight with you, Tentacles. Anyone, man or woman, can only be pushed so far. The walking, talking, anachronism may have the best of intentions with him but if _he_ decides that he has had enough of Hikari, _you_ will need to make a choice too."

"I already have." Cleaning her meal up, she shrugged, "Forever is a very long time, Asuka. You are thinking that everything needs to be resolved immediately, because for all your maturity, and all your talents…you're still only sixteen."

She snorted and rolled her eyes, "One, I'm almost seventeen, and two you're twenty-freaking-one! Don't act like you've got the whole world figured out either."

"I'm closer to forty-five." Maya couldn't hide her smile. She knew Asuka better now, and understood that the young woman took her meaning despite her need to bark back. She did admit, however, that Asuka had brought up a very good point. Just one she'd already realized herself, "Living two lives has…aged me some. Come on, let's finish up our work for the day. I'd like to make it home in time to spend the evening helping out around the house."

+++++ Author's Notes:

TripleF:

RE: Suzuka's presence in his visions.

The beach volleyball scene, where both she and Akane were pregnant with his children.

RE: Anchoring to reality.

It's been an informative experience for him, but the repercussions and discoveries are not yet finished.

RE: Reviews and buses.

Buses are dastardly things that eat reviews to fuel their ways. Terrible, truly. Thank you for the PM, I was curious as to the sudden stop. It makes sense now.

Starfire99:

RE: Lily and Ritsuko.

Secret test of character, it was explained in story.

RE: Gentle.

Scion agent, it was explained in story.

RE: Shinji and Yui.

From Shinji's perspective, she doesn't exist. He's declared, in story, that his father lied about his mother being in Unit-01. The truth of the matter hasn't been plot-relevant so far. Though, in canon, Asuka was blocking out her mother, which caused her horrifying plummet in sync ratio eventually as she rejected Kyoko _Zeppelin_ Soryu (Langley is her father's name) only to finally open up to her in the tragic battle against the MP Eva series.

You might draw some conclusions from that bit of canon.


	110. Chapter 110

+++++ Author's Note 1

When I started writing this, a year ago today, I honestly had not thought it possible for me to either reach the audience I have, or reach the volume of writing I have. I am humbled by the first, and can only hope that the second has amused everyone that's stayed to this point. So, on the anniversary of this exercise in storytelling, I want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart. Please, enjoy and be good to one another.

+++++ 14th Angel + 18: Saturday (107)

She had never had to work as hard to keep up with him as she was now. His body acted, and reacted, with the lived experience of countless lifetimes. His speed and strength were unmatched by any man on Earth. His instincts and insights operated in tandem, and both knew her tricks and wiles. This was _everything_ she'd ever wanted in a partner. He was pushing her beyond the plateau she'd been languishing upon, forcing her to dig deeper and think outside of the traditional solutions to her dilemmas.

Instruction had been left far behind; it was not that he had nothing left to learn but that she had nothing left to show him that he hadn't already seen from her. Now, they were two titans of war practicing their craft before an audience of trees older than time. The goal remained the same as ever: score a point. What amazed her the most, however, was that neither of them had in the six hours they'd been struggling to. Feints, parries, ripostes, everything was turned away at the very last second as they sought each other's limitations and found none existed.

In the end, it wasn't skill, or talent, or strength, or any other mortal influence that decided the match. It was, as most things in Shinji's life, luck. His staff broke at just the right place as he blocked an overhand blow. As he adapted to now having two weapons to contend with, and she attempted to recover her balance from the sudden overextension of her guard, he slapped the end in his left hand under her wrists and the end in his right hand over the back of her blade. When her weapon spun out of her grasp, her hands numbed, she found both sticks forming an 'x' against her throat.

Breathing hard, just as hard as she herself was, he pushed her down to her knees, "Point." The war continued in his eyes, for just a split second longer, before he threw both ends away and lunged.

Finding herself pinned against the ground, his lips against hers, she couldn't rid him of his clothing fast enough. Her tank top and sweatpants were torn, physically, apart by his powerful hands as she shredded his own workout outfit. Their union begun less than a heartbeat after each was freed to participate, her body having become more than ready during the physical activity. The feel of him against and inside of her was magical, the desperate hunger he claimed her with everything she'd wanted for centuries.

It was not a desire to be conquered, or dominated. Many men had tried to do what Shinji was now allowed to do, and all had been sent limping away with a new appreciation for the concept of consent, or had been found lacking their head by the local police if the knowledge evaded them still. She wanted to be _won_. He had fought her, blow for blow, for more than a quarter of a day. He had taken the best she could give and not backed down. He had turned the defeat of a broken weapon into victory as he refused to surrender to fate.

Crying out in ecstasy as a dream she'd thought never possible was finally fulfilled, she gave him everything she could. His victory was to be rewarded, his eagerness to let go of the pain nurtured, and all at the low, low cost of receiving his boundless love. It wasn't long before their lovemaking mirrored their warmaking. Each sought an advantage, needed to be the one to give more to the other. 'Points' were no longer decided when the other yielded, but when they accepted pleasures.

It was dirty, in the sense that each found their back covered in the dust and debris of the forest floor. Neither cared, as the softest linens on Earth would not have added an ounce of benefit to what was a pure, primal, need. Suzuka had finally been claimed by an equal. Marked and taken just as much as she gifted of herself. Shinji had at last found someone who loved him as he was, who wanted him for who he was. Both were flawed, both craved physical release, and both would forever remember the six hours before…and the six hours after the balance had been found.

+++++ 14th Angel + 18: Saturday (107)

"Not as many updates today," Maya sat in Kelly's room, giving Hikari and Kodama time to spend together with Nozomi and Sakura. "It's not unexpected. According to her, he spent the first few days staring off into space from time to time. It allowed her to share what he was saying."

"Now, he'll need to do things," the redhead nodded. "Talk, or bake, or build something. But involving her. He's happier when he's making someone else happy, when he's doing things for someone else. They'll talk through actions, share thoughts through simple messages. He's a good man, and his flaws aren't the type you complain about in dating magazines. At least, not without the advice columnist sending a few pipe men around your mailing address to talk to you about being cruel to a good man."

"She'd mentioned them making practice weapons from some nearby trees. I would also guess he is to the point where he wants to be active." She smiled, remembering how he looked whenever he was applying himself to a physical task, "She'll take care of him."

Kelly reached over, taking Maya's hand with a look of calm concern, "Is anyone taking care of you?"

"Several people, actually," she was happy that she didn't have to lie. The outpouring of support for her did sting, as many of the people were doing so while speaking ill of her wife, but she couldn't deny their concerns were accurate. "I've had a string of conversations with everyone from Asuka-san to Ritsuko-san. While I can't deny that most of their concern comes from missing my husband's presence, all of them do remember that my wife is also struggling."

"Pride cometh before the fall," Kelly sighed. "That poor girl is trying her best to fight a war that she's not equipped to win."

Maya frowned, "How so?"

"It takes a certain kind of cut-throat to challenge The Morrígan, ma'am. No offense intended to your lady love, but she's a sight too kind at heart to make those sacrifices." Squeezing her hand, she shrugged, "I'd rather have a woman who's kind than the kind of woman who'd pin Nozomi to a tree with Kodama's bones to save her husband's mind, though. Don't take it as a knock against her."

"If any of us is going to fight fate, it's Shinji," she agreed, understanding the reference to an extent.

"Nope," Kelly's grin was slightly fey as she winked, "all of us have to. No one man should take that burden. If we're going to damn the crows, we'll need to do it with united hearts."

+++++ 14th Angel + 19: Sunday (108)

Lying nude in bed, Suzuka could still feel Shinji within her. He was, at that moment, not in the room and so the sensation was even more fulfilling. An offhand comment about needing some tea on hand the next time they engaged in such extravagance led to him departing for the kitchen to acquire it for her. Her plaint that she was simply engaging in idle fancy and not ordering him about was met with a genuine smile and a shrug. _He loves me. This isn't hormonal fascination, or a temporary truce between powers. He actually_ loves _me._

Each bit of information she received from him was as fulfilling as the others. He'd not hated himself after they'd run their course on the forest floor. He'd carried her into the showers and washed her down by hand, lingering at the task without the shame or trepidation he had in their first shower together. Toweling her off and taking her once more in bed, his eagerness to see to her pleasure unfettered by temporal concerns, he'd even accepted her own spontaneous desires to do things for him that she'd long eschewed. She had gifted him all of her, had urged him without begging to claim all of her, and upon completion she now basked in the comforting knowledge that he _knew_ all of her.

"I'm sorry that took longer than I thought," Shinji carried in a tray with tea and some sliced fruits and vegetables. "I…had to be cautious working with sharp knives and hot liquids." Moving over to set it down where she would have access to everything, he blushed slightly, "I don't…." Closing his eyes as he stood up straight, he changed his statement, "I am honored that you feel comfortable enough to share your beauty with me."

Her heart melted as two-toned blue eyes focused on her again, "Thank you." Reaching out to ask him to join her in bed again, she plucked a grape from the tray and popped it into her mouth. They had gone past the need for immaculate manners, and speaking while she ate saved time to do other things she'd rather be doing, "I appreciate that you are trying to get out of the habit of denigrating yourself pointlessly. You and I have our struggles, and as you show me patience while I work on my anger I will show you the patience you need while you work on your self-loathing."

Carefully preventing anything from spilling, he placed himself where she could lean against him as they ate, "I enjoyed what we did." Pausing as he lifted a carrot up, he nodded to himself, "All of what we did." He'd chosen everything to fuel the woman beside him, his own body didn't seem to need anything at all, but eating a little made it less uncomfortable for her.

"Says the man with the tongue of a snake." She laughed fondly, "That was completely unexpected, and I swear I saw nothing but pinkish-white for a minute after you tipped the scales."

His eyes hardened, "I'm surprised I haven't seen her."

She flicked his ear, "Not what I was speaking of." Shoving another carrot in his mouth, she eyed him sternly, "And she has been guarding the manor. Maya-dono assures me that she does not wish to ruin your recovery. She tried her best to bring you home herself, but has let go now that you've shown you need time away. A good partner, in both respects."

"You're right," speaking around the carrot, he let his anger dissipate. "Sorry."

"They are not the women you knew in other lives, Little Bear." Sipping at her tea, she adored the new flavor combination he'd brought into her life. Whichever version of her that had discovered it, then taught it to him, was her new favorite person besides the one sitting next to her, "Our Rose has thorns, but only for those who would do harm to her family."

Nodding again, he repeated himself, "You're right. She saved me as often as she harmed me, and she deserves a chance to show me that she truly means to be my [Song]."

She looked askance at him, "I'm sorry?"

"My…." As he opened his mouth to repeat the otherworldly phrase, he realized what he'd done. Confusion, then irritation, and finally acceptance filtered across his face, "It means a woman who protects the family's man. More than a bodyguard, as they are also a lover, a teacher, and a spiritual confidant. She taught me their language after she saved me from…."

The haunted look in his eyes shattered the mood, and reminded her that while they might act as if they were on a honeymoon, there was very real work to be done. "Then you must teach me this word, so that I may claim it for myself." Downing the rest of her drink, she gave him a look of iron determination, "I am the strongest of any who would lay claim to you, my beloved. If any will protect you to that extent, it _will_ be me."

+++++ 14th Angel + 19: Sunday (108)

"Oh…thank you?" Misato puzzled at the lunch presented to her, "You have one too, right? I'm not eating your lunch, Maya."

"Hikari made it," pulling her own out, she took her normal place on the couch. "She wanted to apologize, but felt it better to start with a bit of a bribe. The note is taped under the box."

Breathing out heavily, the sub-commander, former guardian, and terribly worried friend of Shinji Ikari forced herself to let go of the continued anger she felt. It wouldn't do her any good to be angry at Maya for asking to slow down work on Rei, her chief scientist was absolutely correct in that the defense of mankind came before any of them. It also wouldn't do her any good to be angry at Hikari. The young woman was terrified of losing the best man on Earth, and a young Misato had done some amazingly stupid things for far worse reasons. "She doesn't need to apologize…but I'll send her a text telling her that I forgive her anyway."

Maya's smile was proud and pleased, "Thank you, Misato." Popping the lid off her lunch, she continued on, "You're a much better woman than the one I knew. I'm not ashamed at all to serve alongside you, this time around."

"That's good," Misato barked out a laugh. "Because when Kozo dies from overwork or old age, you're going to be my sub-commander." Prying her own lid off, she grinned at the riot of colors and shapes, "Your wife knows how to work a woman's stomach."

"I had to buy her the beer to cook into the curry. But the cooking and recipes were all things she took from Shinji's notes. He's kept a cookbook filled with everyone's favorites in the kitchen, so that anyone else who wants to can use it. He tends towards the art of cooking, though, so hopefully Hikari didn't fail to make it good." Maya ate slowly, needing to feel out her friend's emotional state.

Misato, on the other hand, gobbled down her food, "Ish good." Either not feeding herself, or not used to eating things she liked, the lavender-haired warrior made short work of her meal.

"I'm sure she'll be glad to know that." Finishing another small bite, she tilted her head, "Are we ok?"

"We're fine," scraping her finger inside of the box to pry out the last bits, she shook her head. "You were right, and I was being overly sentimental. You aren't demanding we pull her out of life support and set her on fire, you're trying to make sure that the world keeps spinning long enough for us to find a way to bring her back. That's why you'll be my sub-commander, Maya…you stood up to me when I needed standing up to." Eyeing the other woman, she quirked an eyebrow, "Are we not ok?"

"My marriage may not last beyond him returning home," Maya knew Misato preferred blunt force to subtlety. "He could, very easily, not want anything to do with Hikari after what her request put him through. He could tell all of us to go hang…even me. If he does, I want you to _stay out_. We need to let him work through his problems, and any divorce proceedings will be done without much public attention to them. He might need us to give him time, a period of separation. The same thing applies. I appreciate that you mean well, and you were absolutely right to demand I go home and work with Hikari to get over my own anger, but don't poke the Shinji."

Instead of responding immediately, Misato wiped her hands off and pried the note free. Reading it over to buy herself some time, she found what she'd expected. Hikari was both apologizing for hurting the man they both loved, and apologizing for risking the entire Earth. She promised to work on her issues, and to not act like a one-woman jury any longer. Concise, specific, and heartfelt. The kind of apology one gives when they are truly sorry. "If he asks my advice, I'm giving it to him."

"Fair enough." Pulling out the cookies Maya had made with Nozomi, she handed them over, "From Nozomi."

"Wait, were you holding cookies hostage?" Misato frowned, "That's Gendo-level treachery, lady."

"Don't fuck with my family, Misato," Maya would never be good at swearing, but some things simply needed it. "I will make Gendo look like a Saturday morning cartoon villain if you do."

+++++ 14th Angel + 19: Sunday (108)

"It's not that," Shinji shrugged, once more playing the piano as a means of passing his nervous energy to something less destructive. "I love them. I'm not saying that to say it, I'm not saying that to convince myself, I'm not saying that to convince anyone else. I love them." Suzuka's seat on the piano as she soaked in the vibrations allowed him an unrestricted view of the anchor for his sanity, "How does that not make you feel terrible? One memory of the DVD Noelle sent me of her and Kaji after I couldn't bring myself to have sex with her following…following Rei's death makes me so angry I…. I just couldn't become aroused. I had Rei in my hands, and the vortex pulled her in half, it wasn't-"

She touched his nose, snapping him back to the present, "That was not your fault." She watched his eyes shift rapidly through several emotions, eventually landing on acknowledgement, "Nor was it the good woman we lost to tragedy. Think it her evil twin, and nothing more."

The song steadied out, his playing once more stable as he nodded to her logic, "You're right."

"As to your question," she withdrew her hand and watched him play, "it doesn't make me feel terrible because I am allowed to love the same women. You would not think less of me for enjoying Maya's touch?" He shook his head. "That is why I do not feel terrible. I am granted the same opportunities you are, and they remain equitable between us. The logic is far more simple than you make it, though I understand why you complicate it."

"I don't want to be the kind of man who chases rabbits." His brow knit, "But I can't be the kind of man who hurts the women I love." Changing songs between bars, he began to play something sprightly, "Everyone is willing to share. Everyone is willing to learn to work within the environment. But this is what _I_ want. A life where I can dedicate myself to someone. Where I can…." The song stopped dead, "Where I can set someone on a pedestal so that when they fail me I collapse into a fugue for the rest of my life."

"It hurts to love," Suzuka agreed. "It hurts because we lower our guards and allow someone in. But that's a choice you need to make, Little Bear. You can choose to love someone, but not let them in. You can choose to love someone and remain silent about it. I loved their mother deeply, loved her in a way that I've only ever loved one other," she stroked his cheek with a longing smile, "but I let her go. She saw a terrible future with only me involved, and the elders would not hear of Toshiro Horaki 'hoarding' two of the most talented women the Shirakami had allied with."

Shinji began to understand, "…You can't say her name, can you?"

"No…I cannot." Slipping off the piano and placing herself astride his lap, she looked up at him, "In this, we are of one mind. Love is a glorious pain, a terrible pleasure. It has wonders to offer without end, and tragedies haunt its every step. I have loved many in my time, and let them go by choice. I have loved others, and had them taken away." Her eyes darkened, "Others, I have loved and been deeply wounded by their betrayal. Suzuki was not the first, and to be honest his loss was not as burdensome as I let others believe."

"I…kind of hope he's happy, with Ozawa-san," he risked her ire to remain truthful. "One…memory, dream…vision, you were pregnant with my children. As was…uhm, Akane." The day at the beach seemed so bright suddenly, "We were playing volleyball at the beach, because you were both still very early in your pregnancies. But Suzuki-san and Ozawa-san, they already had a baby. He seemed so…full. You and her weren't angry with one another, even though he'd done what he'd done in our world. She offered to have me hold their son, and Suzuki called me his Uncle…."

"I hope that he is happy as well," Suzuka replied with a shrug and a nonchalant smile. "I have gained, in you, what he could never give me. He has gained, in her, what I could never give him. Why should I wish him ill, when what might have been tragic instead blossomed into beauty?"

He swallowed, then braced himself, "Would you mind asking if they'd visit?" He could see her frown of confusion for what it was, "I need him to do me a favor…and I want to ask her a favor as well. If it goes poorly…I learn that I still can't handle other people. If it doesn't, then I'm making progress."

"A short visit." Pleased by his fervent nod, she relaxed, "I will have them bring us some supplies as well. And some better clothes." A deep breath pressed her assets against his chest, "If someone continues to destroy my clothing, I might have to provoke jealousy in Ozawa-chan at my greater beauty."

He was trying to overcome his own flaws, "We…could always stop wearing clothing?"

"An interesting idea, dear heart," Suzuka's smile grew eager. "Let us practice for a bit, and see what arises of it.

+++++ 14th Angel + 20: Monday (109)

"Useless people are so…bothersome," watching as the agents came and went through the warehouse, the otherworldly presence frowned. "You ask one group of armed idiots to watch a single warehouse, tell them to press the big red button if people start shooting, and what happens? Failure." Moving closer to the room where the situation could be improved somewhat, they froze as they saw an unanticipated presence. "…You."

"Long time no see," the second entity smiled disarmingly. "You…wouldn't happen to be thinking about doing something silly like setting this place on fire, would you?" Their smile grew colder, "After Madrid, they've begun asking the right people the wrong questions."

The first being held its hands out to the sides, "Terribly sorry, have I been interfering with your plans, Lilith?"

"Since the day you were born, 'Perfume'," the Night Mother retained her dark humor. "I have been tracking you down to give you a simple warning: Leave. This world is mine, you are not wanted, not required, and if you become too bothersome, I will kill you myself."

"If you could, you would have by now," Perfume sighed. "Empty threats bore me, ancient one." When his airway crumpled under the weight of her grip, the distance between them having vanished in the blink of an eye, his level of interest spiked dramatically, "H-how?"

"I made a deal with the devil," Lilith grinned. "Shinji Ikari says the loveliest things to me from time to time." Lifting him closer to her face, she let the façade drop, "Last. Warning. He doesn't need you. Find a hole to crawl into on the other end of Creation, and never bother us again." Tossing him aside, she glared at him, "Or you will die by _my_ hand, and all of your plans will fail with you."

Coughing as his throat readjusted, Perfume laughed, "If you were so certain of my plans, you'd just kill me." Staggering to his feet, he wiggled his finger, "You don't know what will happen if you do. Maybe, just maybe, your precious little pet gets my unique talents. If that happens…then what?" Affecting a terrified expression, he held his hands up before his eyes, "Maybe he'll choose to take back his promise to you?! Maybe he'll realize that _someone else_ has been manipulating him?!" Parting his fingers to peer through them as his smile grew back into place, he leered, "Maybe he'll realize that he could make a million that looked just like you, and that he didn't need you anymore."

"Go near him and find out," she shrugged. "He knows what you look like. He won't give you this chance. I'm letting you live because of all of _his_ children, you never once treated my children with contempt…until now. Whatever got into you, do it on the other side of the galaxy."

"Is it _my_ fault if they choose to blow themselves up?" Perfume harrumphed, "I give them choices, I let them exist outside of the insanity that is Creation's whims or your plans, or the inanity that is the Judges' fetishistic devotion to stasis. I let them sit down on bomb triggers," his grin preceded the beginning of an explosion. Disappearing as the blast wave rippled outwards, he left a haunting whisper behind, " _Choose, 'Lily'."_

+++++ 14th Angel + 20: Monday (109)

"He what?" Kodama boggled, the unexpected visit by the Shirakami and his pregnant partner became even more jarring when she heard the reason, "He wants _you_ to go up?"

"I'm sworn to answer if he calls, Kodama-chan, and he said he has a favor to ask of me," Suzuki shrugged, just as confused as his niece. "If you want, I'll take a note from you. But I can't promise to deliver it. I'll ask Suzuka-san, and if she approves I'll leave it with her. To hear her talk, he's one cross word away from losing his cool half the time, and the other half he's mired in depression."

"I…uhm," Yumi raised her hand slightly, "I think he's using us as a test." Both looked at her sideways, "Whatever happened, and you won't tell me what happened Suzuki-kun so I'm guessing here," she frowned at her man, "he's isolated himself. He has one person, Suzuka-san, that he's allowing to be by him. Not his wives, not her, not any of the other people who I know love him. So whatever it was, hurt his heart to the point that he doesn't want to see _anyone_. Who better to test how he feels after close to three weeks than the man who has sworn to obey him, and a pregnant lady? He won't harm me, because he wouldn't want to hurt the baby. And if he slaps you, well…it's not like it's the first time that's happened. You'll get over it, and I'm safe. It's a good plan that someone who cares about people would come up with."

"I'll write a note." Kodama couldn't argue the logic, though she wasn't thrilled with the source. "Ozawa-san, please have a seat on the couch. Uncle, her room is-"

"I'll get her things," Yumi declared firmly. "My man is not going into a lady's room, even one he was once married to, to paw through her unmentionables. That would not be fair to Ikari-san, and it would _definitely_ not be fair to Suzuka-san."

"I'm not arguing with her," Suzuki looked at Kodama with a shrug. "I've made the kind of mistake that kills everyone's trust in a man. I've got a long road to walk to gain that trust back, and if she doesn't want me going through my ex-wife's drawers then I'm not going through them."

The pregnant former actress held her hand up to her shoulders, "I promise, Horaki-"

Kodama cut her off, "Ikari."

She blinked, surprised that she hadn't at least heard of that piece of news, "Oh, congratulations."

"Go get the stuff," the busty nurse turned and walked away to pen a love letter. "I won't be the person Suzuka-san goes looking for if anything is amiss in her room when she comes home."

+++++ 14th Angel + 20: Monday (109)

Standing in front of the door to the cabin, Shinji watched as the dangerous man and his partner drove a solid vehicle up the last few curves of the mostly dirt and timber road. With Suzuka's arm around his waist, he kept his hand on her shoulder. The test started with how the man reacted to the visual, "I'm ok. I'm ok. I'm ok."

"I have faith in my ex-husband, Little Bear," Suzuka whispered without moving her lips. "Should you even slightly falter, he will leave with most unseemly haste. He argued against coming, specifically because he trusts your judgement more than his own is the only reason he has come."

"More the fool he," Shinji sighed. As the car came to a halt at a non-threatening distance, he raised his hand and waved them closer with a frown, "Or perhaps not. Making Yumi-chan walk all this way while pregnant."

"Remember where and when we are, beloved," Suzuka chided softly. "Ozawa-chan does not know of your plight."

When Suzuki's door opened, Shinji was forced to abort his reply, "Good day, Suzuki. Thank you for coming up on such short notice. I hope I didn't ruin any plans."

The man seemed to hesitate slightly, gauging Shinji's demeanor, "Nothing that was more important than my oath, have no fear." Inclining his head to his former wife, he greeted her in turn, "Good day, Suzuka-san. Thank you for relaying his request." Accepting her nod of acknowledgement as the only response he'd receive for the moment, he hurried over to open Yumi's door.

"Hello, Ozawa-san," Shinji forced himself to remain in the present as Suzuki helped Yumi out of the vehicle. "Thank you for coming up on short notice. I promise, I won't make a habit of demanding you go out of your way at random."

"It's no problem at all, Your Grace," the pregnancy had progressed to where a 'bump' was only just noticeable, but not to the extent that it had compromised her bow. "Please, any time that we can help do not feel bad for asking."

"Just Shinji, please," parting with Suzuka, he walked over and offered his elbow to Yumi. "Suzuki is someone I consider a friend, and you are very dear to him." When she accepted his offer, waving Suzuki off to grab the bags, he guided her towards the cabin's steps, "I understand that in public you might need to call me something else so that you don't feel you're being rude, but for now…just Shinji."

"He is rather serious about that, Ozawa-chan," Suzuka retained her poise and distance. There was still a debt to be paid between the women, and until it was settled there were proprieties to consider. "He detests formality."

"Mind the threshold," cautiously working his guest through the door, he ducked through the door after her. "Just down the hall, have you been out here before?"

Yumi was both impressed and worried at the way Shinji trusted 'his woman' around her ex-husband, "I have not. Through here?" She tilted her head at the door to the left.

"Please. I'll get you seated and then finish making the tea," the interior doorways of the cabin were all very large, in contrast to the main door which required he fold himself slightly to make it through. Taking a few steps to the side to stay clear of potentially tripping her, he reached the couch before her and patted the seat he'd intended her to take. "I left a pillow; in case the ride up here was rough. I understand that pregnancy can become sore on the bottom if you've been forced to sit awkwardly for a time."

"That's very considerate of you, Shinji-san," she could feel Suzuka's presence more than see it, and hoped that she was making the right choices. "I'm not so far along that it's terrible yet."

"If you require anything, you will let us know," Suzuka stated with firm intent. "The child has no choice in the mother's actions, and we would not have them suffer for your pride." Seating herself in the chair beside where Shinji would end up, she waved him off to the kitchen. Once he'd left the room, and it was the two women alone, she made the 'Status of Forces Agreement' clear, "He made his choice, Ozawa-chan. He is, and will remain, my colleague. He may, at some point, rekindle a friendship. He won't, at any point from now until his bones turn to dust, become more. You are welcome to him." Her voice darkened, "Harm Shinji, and no force on this planet or any other will save you."

"…I was desperate." Yumi looked down at her hands, shame writ large across her features, "I won't make excuses for it…you don't need to listen to me whine. I am sorry for my part in your loss of honor, Suzuka-san. I hope you find all of the joy you deserve with His Grace."

"Shinji," Suzuka corrected idly. "We are not in public, and it is best you build the habit now." Raising her voice, she called out, "You may both come back. We understand one another." Shinji was the first to appear, tea tray in his hands, "Careful, dear heart. You forget that objects are hot directly off the stove."

"I do," he agreed with a slight smile. He couldn't have helped but overhear the conversation, as his hearing recovered first of all his heightened senses, and was pleased that the matter hadn't involved yelling. Setting the tray on the table, he sat down and allowed Suzuka to serve as she had requested.

Suzuki set the luggage out of the walkway and crossed to the couch to sit next to Yumi, "Comfortable?"

"Shinji-san put a pillow down for me to sit on," she smiled hopefully. Their conversation on the way up to the cabin had included any number of potential outcomes, and this was trending away from the worst scenarios, "He's a very thoughtful host."

"If you need anything," Shinji reiterated Suzuka's offer, in a much more 'Shinji' tone. "I hope you still prefer black, Ozawa-san, I saw you choose that at the wedding ceremony." When her eyes widened slightly, he turned to Suzuki, "She chose a lovely gift for us, as I'm sure you had little input. Considering I would only be able to kill someone with it by beating them to death with it, I doubt it came from you."

"She declined to accept my offer of a solid bow and arrows," the man shrugged. "I believe her exact words were, 'Are you absolutely out of your mind? This is a wedding!' I'm glad you enjoyed it, however."

"I use it when I'm teaching Nozomi-chan and Sakura-chan how to cook," Shinji smiled without much joy, the memory of his visions choosing an awkward time to surface. "It forces them to slow down and think through what they're doing."

"Steady," Suzuka set the tea within reach of their guests. "Remember where and when."

"I'm fine," he shook his head. "Just…disgusted with myself." Breathing out, he sat back and closed his eyes, "Suzuki…I hope you will forgive me, but I need to ask that you be completely honest."

"I will never be anything but, my friend," the man picked up his wife's tea, handing it to her cautiously. "What would you know?"

"Can I trust her?" Without lifting his hand from his leg where it rested, he gestured with one finger to Yumi, "Is she able to hold your confidence?"

"With the important things, yes," he stated in an even tone. He knew he was trending towards a topic any man with half a brain would avoid, but his honor demanded he be truthful, "With petty gossip, no."

"Suzi-kun?!" Yumi gasped, "I do _not-_ "

Suzuka snorted a laugh, her bearing breaking with the realization of her ex-husband's new nickname, "Suzi-kun."

"Oh dear," Shinji kept his own laughter buried. "Yumi-chan, I don't care that you gossip. It's natural, in some people, to do so. This, however, is one of those 'important things' Suzuki says you can keep quiet." Opening his eyes, he saw her looking at him in bewilderment, "Things…have not gone well lately."

+++++ 14th Angel + 20: Monday (109)

"I only found out this morning," Maya repeated the information for the fifth time, standing in the family room surrounded by a majority of the household. "According to Suzuka, he feels that it would be better for him to test how he handles being around people with two others that won't trigger the strongest memories. He wouldn't even confide in _her_ what the favors are he needs to ask them for, so I don't know that answer. This could be a good sign, so I think it would be best if we focused on that."

Hikari was being propped up by both Tsuru and Yang, each of the young women sensing that their friend needed support at the moment. The Class Rep had managed the extra long school festival day without an incident, and had recovered her standing in her fellow student's eyes with the going rumor that Shinji was training in seclusion at the moment, which had caused her some anger as it was so early in their marriage to one another. "I…agree." She flexed her jaw, and accepted that if she loved the man, she had to live with his decisions, "Uncle Suzuki is sworn to his service, and will leave the instant Shinji demands he do so. He can't trust that any of us would do the same, and for good reason."

"It's a different relationship," Yang backed Hikari's statement. "It's a good plan, to test himself. Doesn't hurt anyone he wouldn't want hurting, and doesn't risk the craziness that would come from suddenly facing the focal point of a memory he doesn't want to face."

"That's what you said Miss Ozawa told you earlier," Kelly looked over to Kodama. "Were you able to finish the note?"

"Note?" Maya looked to the nurse, "What note?"

"I gave a note to my uncle," Kodama frowned, curious at the worry etched on Maya's face. "He said he'd give it to Suzuka-san, that he didn't want to give it directly to Shinji."

"Thank you, Suzuki-san." The Lieutenant Colonel rose from the woman and spoke clearly, "Shinji. Does not. Want to talk. To us. Presently. I don't know how much clearer I need to make that. A single note from Nanako-san nearly sent him back into a total shutdown, and it was a very pleasant message about how she hoped he would enjoy his time relaxing. This note was placed there _before_ everyone knew he was hurting. When he wants to speak to us, he will let us know. Until then, _stop pushing_."

+++++ 14th Angel + 20: Monday (109)

"…Wow." Yumi blinked, stunned at the struggles that life had piled upon such young shoulders, "You…kind of remind me of Yu-kun. He couldn't catch a break either."

"He's a good man," Shinji smiled, he had nothing but decent memories of that particular group of friends. There was something in the bonds they had with one another that seemed to prevent tragedies instead of building upon them. "I hope he's happy with his life. I'd like to meet him someday, thank him for Nanako-chan."

"So, you remember all of these lives?" Suzuki had leaned forward, his elbows on his knees and his chin on the interlaced fingers of his fists, "And you have the retained skills and reflexes?"

The former actress backhanded her man's chest, "He's just suffered through a whole bunch of traumas, and you're worried that he might have forgotten how to hurt people? Would you try being human for a few minutes?"

Shinji's smile grew as he watched the interplay before him, even without his access to songs, he could feel that these two actually loved one another. In much the same way that Gen and Nanako did, which allowed him to forgive the slap. "Suzuki is just being who he is, Yumi-chan. Please, don't try to change him. It won't end well for anyone, and you wouldn't enjoy the end result."

"That bad?" The man raised his eyebrow, "One of the visions?"

"She tried to smooth out your edges," Shinji's smile faded. "You were shot because you lost your instincts." He felt Suzuka's hand find its way into his, "I took care of her, though. And your daughter." A small grin grew back, "She kept calling me 'Unca Shinshin', even on the day of her graduation from university. You," he nodded to Yumi, "…needed a great deal of help coping."

"Even in my darker lives, you're there to help me out," Suzuki settled back. "I assume that you told me all of this so that I can help you in some way. What's this talk of a 'favor', though? You know that all you have to do is ask, and I'll make it happen."

"Don't try to change him either, Suzi-kun," Yumi murmured, now contending with the thought of having to go back to the life she'd been rescued from. "I'd rather not have to rely on him if he becomes the kind of man who _insists_."

"I intend to pay you for your work," Shinji agreed. "Just…not in money. I know someone who can ensure that your baby is born healthy. I will ask them as soon as I can get in touch to check in with you. It won't be invasive, you won't even know they've done a thing. But the little one will be safe and secure."

Suzuki whistled low, "That, my friend, would be worth anything you could conceive of asking."

"It won't hurt them?" Yumi's hands cradled her bump.

"Sandalphon-san is something of an expert on the subject," Shinji motioned to reassure her. "I've seen him work miracles, and all without an ounce of pain."

"So what am I doing?" Suzuki's posture shifted, a wolf slowly swishing its tail before the charge.

"I need to make a trip," his hands twitched at the thought of leaving the safety of the cabin, but if he didn't push himself he'd never recover. If he couldn't recover before Arael, Asuka would suffer terribly. "Five separate graveyards, all tomorrow. I need everyone kept well away from me while I pay my respects. I trust you, more than anyone else on this planet, to choose people to make that happen with respect for those who have family buried, and without complicating my visits."

"I know just the crew," the man's eyes narrowed as plans formed.

Shinji struggled to retain his calm, "Afterwards, I wish these five graves to be consolidated to one site. They were separated by people who did not know their story, and have since passed from this Earth. These young women deserve to be together, and I would see it done properly."

"Easy enough," Suzuki shrugged. He'd heard stranger requests.

"Yumi-chan," looking to the pregnant woman, he saw her perk up. She wanted to be helpful, wanted to show that she wasn't just a leech. That, more than anything, was why he tolerated her sometimes childish demeanor. She wasn't a bad person, and she was never like Christie in those memories where Suzuki died first, "Never drink alcohol again."

She blinked, confused, "I…won't?"

"Out of thousands of visions, there are only a handful where I ever see you drunk and the end result isn't worse for everyone," he continued, fighting for calm. "For your sake, for _his_ sake," he gestured to her belly, "no more alcohol."

"I will give it up with her," Suzuki declared. "We will not touch another glass, my friend."

"If it's that important, I can't ignore the man who helps my baby," Yumi nodded eagerly.

"Thank you," clenching his eyes shut, he couldn't keep the tears from flooding out. Ignoring the rush of feet as Suzuki hurried Yumi out of the room towards one of the guest rooms, he felt Suzuka slip onto his lap and hug him tightly. Too many visions of death to keep away, too many new obligations that piled atop old. He couldn't steer them away from all of the pitfalls, from the women or men that risked their happiness. Not, at least, without becoming exactly what Hikari had become. But something simple, giving up an expensive vice, it wasn't controlling. It wasn't.

+++++ 14th Angel + 21: Tuesday (110)

"Final tally?" Philip rubbed his temples as he waited for the terrible news.

"Twenty five MSS, forty dead mercenaries, total destruction of the hard drives, seven hundred tons of food supplies, and a dead end created instead of a lead." Mikoto couldn't muster the energy to seem surprised, "Should I be amazed that the Chinese didn't listen to our advice, or do I have permission to simply not care, sir?"

"They are human, Agent," the man looked up to his subordinate with growing ire.

"Don't weep for the stupid," Gendo looked through the report, "you'll be at it all day."

General Benoit closed his eyes and grit his teeth, "You are dismissed, Agent." Waiting for the woman to leave, he snapped as soon as the door closed behind her, "Do you draw joy from human suffering? Is that your power source?"

"Old prejudices die hard," the former commander hadn't bothered looking up at his 'guest'. "I would presume that the good Agent has the same history with our 'stalwart allies to the west' as I do." Turning around the paper, he tapped the top, "That company. I'm almost positive it's a front for one of our final two SEELE members' drug import businesses. We were told a month ago that it was shut down, but here we see it's preparing _export_ of seven hundred tons of food? They're not rated for exporting perishables, that's why they weren't ever raided by the authorities."

Philip frowned, "Which would matter why? If the State seized back total control, they could reuse the firm for whatever they wanted. It's not illegal, since China is nearly entirely state-owned anyway."

Gendo raised his eyebrow, "Who was the real power in America? What if we missed one, someone lower on the food chain that had kept someone higher happy by letting them pretend to be in charge." He tapped the paper, "What if this 'Perfume' is actually going after SEELE members, and not working with them?"

+++++ 14th Angel + 21: Tuesday (110)

Suzuki walked the perimeter, checking in on his team. Each man and woman had been told that there would be no second chances if they failed, that Shinji Ikari was not the man to 'lose focus' on. As he approached every checkpoint, he didn't see the usual stiffening of posture that would indicate a bored close-protection specialist. Instead, there was simply looming death. His liege lord, the man he'd sworn to serve for the rest of his life, may have a soft spot for preventing human suffering, but Suzuki did not care. People could wait. They could find another day to visit their loved ones. Shinji had asked for something simple, which meant it would quickly become the most complicated thing he'd ever had to manage. When he left Yumi in the van with Nanako, he only hoped that it wouldn't be explosively complicated. Since his ex-wife had managed to ride in the van the entire way without breaking down into a panicking fit…maybe it was even possible.

+++++ 14th Angel + 21: Tuesday (110)

The grave had been washed clean, scrubbed of dirt and defects, swept free of debris and dust. Alone, as Suzuka had stayed behind to guard Yumi and Nanako, he knelt before the grave and closed his eyes to offer his prayers. _Mizuno-san…I doubt you can hear me, but I wished to thank you for defending mankind. Rei-chan…she told me of how you fought together to save everyone. I probably shouldn't call her that, at least not in this life. Hino-san, I guess would be better for the woman I only knew after she'd died._

 _She probably wouldn't like that,_ a soft voice stated to his right.

Controlling his reflexive urge to lash out at the sound, he opened his eyes and looked to the origin of the noise. Kneeling, in a simple skirt and blouse, a 'cute' bluenette smiled at him as if knowing exactly what he was thinking. _Mizuno-san._

 _Shinji-kun, I don't know how many times I have to tell you to call me Ami, but it appears to be at least once more each time._ Reaching out and tapping his cheek, she pouted, _You look different. I liked you better the way I remember you. Bookish, cute, not…like a big jock._

The memory of that life was not at all unpleasant, and for the first time that day he found a genuine smile grow on his face, _It was far simpler, there. You wouldn't believe the chaos that's managed to crop up without you five around to help me control it._

 _I told her we needed to just find a way to lock you to us forever, but_ noOOoo _,_ she sing-songed. _'It might disrupt the future! The Second Silver Millennium is too important to risk!'_ He could see the tear forming in her eye, _They hurt you…didn't they…._

He couldn't lie to her, but he couldn't voice the truth either. _It's good to see you again. I'm sorry I wasn't here to stop him._

 _Why are you always defending them, Shinji-kun?_ She pushed on his arm, _Asuka-san, Rei-san, Misato-san, you always tell us that they don't mean it. That they don't know what they're doing. Why don't you defend yourself?_

 _Rei-san…died,_ he hurt when the Protector of Mercury gasped. _I wasn't strong enough to save her. But…Asuka-san is better!_ He wanted to give her hope, not make her rest worse, _She's trying very hard to be a good person. She protects me, gets in other people's face when they try to hurt me. She's not the same, not in this world._

 _Someone's hurting you though,_ Ami shook her head, annoyed at herself for allowing the distraction. _Who?_

 _Ami-chan,_ he stopped when she blew her cheeks out angrily. It was a lost cause, and he knew it. _Hikari-san…._

 _The class rep?_ She was highest on her list of esteemed personages for their class in several of the worlds they'd shared. _What happened?_

 _It's…a long story._ He swallowed back his tears, _We're married. We were married before I remembered my other lives._

 _Oh._ Ami blinked, _Suzuhara-kun?_

 _He's…._ Shaking his head, he shrugged, _Ami…this world isn't like the worlds with you five in it. I promise, I'll come back later to explain more. But I have to keep moving. I visited you first, and I'm having them move all of your graves to the Temple. I'll visit all of you there, and explain in more detail._

 _You're moving me?_ She shook her head, _Shinji, that's dreadfully expensive! Even with your pay as a pilot you-_

 _I make enough in this world to buy this entire cemetery, many, many times over._ He reached over, placing his hand near hers. _This is my gift to you five. Please…when you next see me…._

Her pinky hooked over his, _I'm going to kiss you before she does,_ Ami promised. _I haven't been first yet, and I want to._

 _I'll see you soon._ Standing, he hurt inside as the spirit vanished in a puff of mist.

+++++ 14th Angel + 21: Tuesday (110)

With the first cemetery down, Suzuki once more journeyed around the second. Watching the high ground nervously, he changed his path to avoid losing sightlines on Shinji. Whatever the young man had done at the last location dampened his mood. The 'benefit', if it could even be called that, was the Duke had allowed all three women to comfort him without losing his cool. He knew his friend well, knew that he hated to be surrounded or touched extensively, and to watch as Suzuka, Nanako, and Yumi reassured him that life would continue to improve so long as he fought…it made it worth doing what he was doing.

+++++ 14th Angel + 21: Tuesday (110)

The graveyard for Minako Aino was very well maintained, though it appeared to Shinji that foot traffic was nearly non-existent beyond the grounds crew. A few leaves dusted off, and the marker looked as if it had just been placed. _Aino-san._

 _You even think about turning around, buster, and I'll kick you so hard!_ He could tell, without a doubt, that there was a huge smile on the face of the blonde Soldier of Love. _It took you so long to come visit me that you're all grey?!_ _And what is this 'Aino-san' nonsense? Don't tell me that you've forgotten me?_ Laying against his back dramatically, she faux-sobbed, _What about our promises? Was my love so meaningless?!_

 _Minako-chan,_ he couldn't help but grin at the memories her overly dramatized greeting inspired, _I'm seventeen._

 _And built like a hentai model, Shinji-kun, what on Earth happened to you?_ Dancing around before him, dressed in the best fashion her generation could find, she dropped to her knees so that they were touching, _And your eyes…._ Her playful smile faded as the 'Soldier' part of the equation gained dominance, _Who am I killing?_

He repeated his new catch phrase, _It's a long story._

 _You'll find that being dead gives you time to spare,_ she snarked. _Nobody hurts our Shinji-kun. Details. Now._

 _I…actually won't know about dying,_ he once more tried to stop his reunion from becoming morose. _I'm immortal, now. I'll…I'll probably be here when all of you awaken again. Something to look forward to, I guess…._

 _Hmmm,_ she leaned in, looking him over, _an older boyfriend who can buy me a car and take me to fancy restaurants…I guess I can get excited about that._ Sneaking her lips against his, she startled, then withdrew, _Oh…Shinji…._

 _I'm paying to move your grave,_ he shook his head, urging her away from the discovery she'd just had. _You'll be rejoined with the others at the Temple. I promise, I'll visit when I can._ Standing, he stepped back and bowed with regret.

As she vanished in a cloud of iron dust, he heard her whisper, _I love you_.

+++++ 14th Angel + 21: Tuesday (110)

The third graveyard was hardly worth calling such. Suzuki suddenly had an urge to order everyone to start cleaning before they left. Overgrown with thick weeds and vines, it grated on his sense of dignity and propriety. The dead could barely be expected to rest with such disrespect being shown to them. Marking down the location for a 'punishment detail' to handle, he kept moving. Shinji was working carefully over one grave in particular, which would at least make it easy for his team to move the young woman. "People these days…no respect."

+++++ 14th Angel + 21: Tuesday (110)

It took him close to an hour to finish, working with the tools he'd brought along, but Shinji had the grave of Makoto Kino cleared of debris and cleaned of dirt before he knelt down to pray. He couldn't fully contain his anger, the sight of such desecration well beyond his normal tolerances, let alone the thin veneer of civility he managed to maintain after…. _Kino-san._

 _Oh boy,_ dressed in a long, thin, pink skirt and an olive-green sweater, the tallest of the Sailors looked around from behind her own tombstone. _Kind of figured this would be…._ Tilting her head as she finally looked at him, the powerful woman sighed again, _You're finally taller than me, and I can't take advantage of it._

 _I think I could probably take you in a fight, too,_ Shinji grinned. _We would probably still tie in the baking department, though. Your cakes were always hard to beat._

 _Life hasn't been good to you, has it?_ Crossing around to sit on her tombstone, she shook her head, _Misato-san?_

He shook his head, _Hikari-san._ Being honest with her was easier, in the end. She'd find out, and he'd have to explain why he hid it. _I just wanted to let you know, I'm moving your grave to be in the same place as the others. The temple. I promise, I'll explain everything when I can._

Leaning forward, she looked him in the eyes, _Promise?_

 _Unless I die._ He didn't bother to hide the fact that such a fate might not bother him terribly.

 _Better not._ She tapped him in the stomach with her toes, _You go down…don't make it easy on them._

As he stood to part ways, she stepped forward and jumped up to kiss him. He knew she discovered the same truth Venus had, but unlike the blonde she held the kiss anyway. When she vanished without a word, a storm cloud taking her back to her rest, he simply turned and walked away. She knew what she needed to know. He knew, as he always knew, that she loved him.

+++++ 14th Angel + 21: Tuesday (110)

The fourth gravesite was the most morbid of all, for Suzuki. Everything was neat, orderly, and hanging with sorrow. It was as if every dead body was crying unconsolably. Typically a realist, though well aware of the spirits around him, he couldn't shake the feeling that someone had cursed the entire area. Still, Shinji had needed to come here so here is where they came. Keeping his weapons close, and his eyes open, he was glad that the young man had insisted the ladies stay well off the property.

+++++ 14th Angel + 21: Tuesday (110)

There was no work to be done for the spiritual heart of the group. Her stone showed signs of decay, but no signs of ill care. _Tsukino-san._

 _Oh my gosh, are you actually Shin-Shin?_ Bouncing before him happily, the five-foot fountain of follies clapped her hands, _You grew up a lot! How are you, Shin-Shin? It's so good of you to come visit me. I'm glad you remembered us, you don't always…._ Looking around, her twin-tails swinging wildly, she frowned, _What a dump. Why is everyone so sad here?_

 _It might have something to do with them having died, Tsukino-san._ Shinji couldn't believe that the strongest warrior of them all was somehow also the biggest ditz, _Though that might just be a guess._

 _Don't you sass me, Shin-Shin. And why are you being so distant?_ Gasping, she covered her mouth up, _Did whoever sucked the color out of your hair also suck your emotions? Do I need to blow them back in?_ Taking a huge breath, she blew doggedly at his head. Repeating the effort a few times, she panted out, _Better?_

 _It always is with you around_ , he sighed. _I'm sorry, Usagi-chan. I…I wasn't there to help._

 _Neither were we,_ her voice shifted towards the serious as her façade of goofiness fell away. _It kind of looks like you needed us here._ Sitting down next to him, she tucked herself under his arm, _I know you saved Rei-chan for last. I know she'll give you the same advice I'm going to. Forgive her. Horaki-chan should never have had the power she does. It wasn't meant for normal men and women, and the misery it is bringing you both is all the proof you should need._

 _If I win,_ his heart ached holding such a bastion of good, _I'll be here to help you…in the next life._

 _I'll hold you to that, Shinji._ Looking up at him, her luminous eyes sparkled with faith in him, _Thank you for moving us together. Don't be a stranger, we miss you._ Touching her fingers to her lips, then his, she vanished with a shimmer of pale, white, light.

It took him several more minutes before he felt like moving, the gentle touch of Serenity bringing him a sliver of peace.

+++++ 14th Angel + 21: Tuesday (110)

The final destination only worried Suzuki for the fact that nothing had happened so far. No mistakes, no errors, his people all performed their tasks without flaw or hesitation. It wasn't that he doubted Shinji's worries, and he knew that his crew had dealt with several people who either wanted to pester the well-known Lead Pilot or visit relatives at their final resting place, but the job just seemed too easy. 'Too easy' was _always_ code for things going wrong.

+++++ 14th Angel + 21: Tuesday (110)

With Tomomichi speaking quietly with Suzuka, Nanako, and Yumi, Shinji was freed to move over to the final grave. He felt wretched for not speaking with the man, but he'd left instructions to explain the situation obliquely to the old priest. Permission had already been received to gather the other Sailors for reburial next to Rei Hino, which left him with the final visit. Reaching the path he'd walked once before, he held out his hand as a raven fluttered down from the trees, "Phobos-san."

The bird tilted its head, clacking its beak a few times. Sleek black feathers, and eyes that demonstrated far more knowledge and cunning than any living creature could aggregate in a single lifetime, the proud being was pleased that not only was it remembered, but seen correctly to not be Deimos. Hopping up Shinji's arm until reaching his shoulder, the raven nodded once in gratitude.

"Advice is not always easily taken, is it, my Snowy Knight?"

A pained smile fought with a happy frown as he turned to see a beautiful traveler standing in his path. "Especially when it's the best advice I've ever received, my Flame Maiden." Not wishing to be rude, he greeted the final person making this meeting possible, perched upon Rei Hino's shoulder, "Deimos-san."

"I've always been impressed at how you tell them apart," stepping back and to the side, she gestured down the path in a clear invitation. Taking his arm as he reached her, she slowed his pace down tremendously, "Not even Usagi-chan can do that, and to be honest she sees nearly as much as I do."

"Phobos-san is slightly larger." Shinji's heart wanted to tear itself from his chest, "Please…Hino-san, I-"

"Failure is like fear," she interrupted him smoothly. "It only holds sway when you lack the will to strive for victory over the circumstances."

He would not argue with her, she had always been right, "How do you stand it?"

"Because, like a certain good and steady man I love, I am fond of forgiveness even when the one I choose to forgive hasn't earned it," resting her head on his shoulder, she hummed a short bar of music.

He recognized the song they had written together, another pain stabbing at his mind, "But you've seen those worlds in which your closest friends…they've done such horrifying things."

"Watching as Ami-chan jammed a mop through your chest before throwing you off of Tokyo Tower is indeed something I wish I could forget happened," she shrugged. "But the Ami-chan that is coming to rest here, with me, is not _that_ Ami-chan. She could never _be_ that Ami-chan. The circumstances that lead us to everything make us the people we are, as they are the result of not only our own choices but the choices of everyone around us, and even that of Fate itself."

Shinji winced at the memory, "I'm still surprised I survived that."

"Makoto-chan is amazing, when properly motivated," Rei patted his wrist. "You are, at the moment, suffering through learning how to accommodate visions that the living were never meant to host. You know that I could only ever see things through the appropriate rites, and only those things which the spirits felt were appropriate for my eyes. Poor Hikari-chan sees far more than she should, and it has taken such a toll upon her mind. This is a burden that you now share, a burden that should tie you closer…not tear you further apart." Now that they were far enough away from everyone to not be overseen, she pulled him to a halt, then down into a hungry kiss.

His counterproposal was to pick her up and hold her as they continued to renew an acquaintance that had, at times, spanned tens of hundreds of thousands of lives. She had been responsible for saving him more times than he cared to admit, and he had acted as her shield just as many. Petty squabbles, humorous antics, heroic valor, there was as many reasons for him to love the regal priestess as stars in the sky, and yet the most important one remained that no matter how hard he fell…she picked him back up. And for a woman who hated men with a passion that rivaled his love for her, that was its own miracle.

Phobos and Deimos, the gentlemen that they were, averted their gaze to consider the trees and spirits watching from nearby. Wherever Shinji went, there were always spirits trying to help the man that sought to restore the balance of Creation. Wherever Rei Hino went, there were always spirits trying to warn her of the evil that lingered nearby waiting to strike. For now, those spirits were simply bearing witness with maudlin regrets as star-crossed lovers took what solace they could from across the vast river separating the living from the dead.

Slowly, the embrace found its natural end, and from her perch upon Shinji's crossed wrists, the Protector of Mars smiled affectionately up to the only man she'd ever love, "It will be a long time before we can enjoy such tender feelings again. I regret that I only have the one letter in this life for you to cherish."

"It's…jarring?" Shinji sought for another word, and decided that one would suffice, "You gave me four pieces of advice, only some of which have made any sense. I found the red-eyed man, and we're hunting him down." She nodded, remembering the vision. "I now know that I would never spurn your regards, with my memories of the dead realities stuck in my mind." Her hand stroked his chest, seeking to steady his heart. "But you mentioned a shadow on Hikari, who I'm guessing you mean to be 'my light'. I can't think of anyone that would cast a shadow on her, and I haven't seen anyone opposing her, do you have any better words that could help?"

"I said 'acts as a', not 'casts'," Rei lifted one eyebrow with a teasing grin. "I also said 'your light', noun, not 'your Light', pronoun. What would be your light, in an academic context?"

"Whatever light that struck me from an outside source…reflected by…." He reformatted the sentence in his mind, and the pieces fell into place, "Suzuka. When I'm glowing too brightly, when I'm being bombarded by all the bright, luminous women around me, she's the shade that I shelter under. She's the one I work with alone, a barrier between me and everyone else." Tipping his head in the direction of the cabin, "I was going crazy, 'falling to madness' as you said, after…."

"I did say you would come face to face with them again," she reminded him softly. "Your sense of self has become so tethered to that great and terrible beast that when your mind became untethered from your body…it went to reside where it felt 'safe'. When your body came under what it believed to be a threat, the barriers between you and the purple monster shattered. What did you see?"

"I can't let them down," he answered without answering, the memory of all Shinjis ever to exist staring at him with a broad array of emotions too painful to put to words. "They have a right to exist. But…Lily-"

"I told you not to trust her. I did not speak unclearly there, Shinji." The reversion to a Priestess speaking to her sworn Knight shocked him out of the memories that had begun to swell. " _None_ of the shadows in your soul should be trusted. _You_ _alone_ have a chance of not driving all of Creation towards the hands of Chaos itself." Her eyes narrowed, "Harden your heart to her, Shinji. She does not tell you everything, nor does she have your best interests in mind."

He shook his head slightly, "Rei-"

"She murdered Ayanami-chan," her finger struck him in the chest. "Took the fragments of her soul back as soon as she saw the opportunity. She murdered a young woman in the custody of your protectors, cut her head clean from her shoulders. She has been travelling the world attempting to subvert the natural order of events, not trusting that you would keep your word. She _knew_ where you were, when you were stuck in the visions of futures and pasts, and yet said nothing. Simply left to be about her business when pain began to leak from you like so much poison. This woman sees only one use for you, and it exists between your legs. Are you that kind of a man? Are you not the first to argue against Minako-chan's plan? Did you not fight, with full-throated vigor, against the Horaki daughters' plan?"

Shinji had never once known the beautiful shrine maiden to lie to him. Misspeak, or report a truth that she only saw a part of, of course. She was only human and couldn't be assumed to be omniscient. "Are you _certain_?" The potential problems that he faced would skyrocket if what she was saying was true.

"I would give anything to have you by my side for all time, Shinji." Reaching out to cup his face with both hands, she looked him in the eyes, "You are stronger than her. Do not let her drag the universe we are sworn to protect into Chaos' grasp. When the cycle brings us together again, please…do not be my enemy."

"…If I stay…you'll have to share me." He felt the deepest shame possible at the statement, but he wouldn't lead anyone on.

"As it must ever be," Rei leaned forward and kissed his forehead in benediction. "You are our sword and our shield. You belong to Princess Serenity. She shares her bounty with all worthy subjects, and should they prove to be the women I have seen _in this life…_." Settling back once more, she smiled, "Do not judge them, or yourself, by what has been, or may come to be should you succeed in restoring Creation to its rightful path…my dearest love."

His eyes showed the hurt his question brought him, "Am I trading one yoke for another?"

Rei smiled, a promise that she understood the need to ask, "Have you ever known Usagi-chan to ask you to do something that wasn't the right thing to do?"

Deimos cawed, a quiet cough that was as apologetic as it was urgent.

"I'll come visit again," he promised, setting her on her feet and taking one knee. "I…felt like I knew you, back when we first met this time. Had I known-"

"Don't," she touched his lips with her fingertips. "I would not have you suffer for decades or longer alone and miserable. You need them to survive, such is why I wrote what I did. They are worthy of your love, and you have harmed no one by loving them."

Two-toned eyes met black, desperately attempting to stop from showing their pain, "I love you, Rei Hino."

"And I love you…Shinji Hino," vanishing into a cloud of flame, she left a heartbroken young man behind to be consoled by two wise ravens and a host of kindly spirits.

+++++ 14th Angel + 21: Tuesday (110)

"He sends his apologies, and promises that he is trying to overcome his trauma," Suzuki reported to Hikari and Maya alone. Standing out before the manor, he kept his voice low to prevent anyone overhearing, "It was a success, in that we managed the entire trip without an incident…though I'm not sure why he chose these five young women. They would have been around your age based on the dates and names," he indicated Maya, "and not anyone he would have met here. One family was known to the Shirakami, and the last was the granddaughter of the old priest up at the temple."

"Thank you for bringing word to us. I'm glad he was able to visit all five gravesites without anything going wrong," Hikari held onto Maya as she spoke, thankful that her wife was the woman she was. "We know of them, Uncle. For now, I'm assuming that's all he wants known."

Maya maintained her stance on the entire affair, "I assume you will conveniently forget where he is, should anyone else ask?"

"Last I heard, he was taking in the sights off the coast of Okinawa," the smooth liar shrugged with a flat expression. "Not a small island, lots of places he could be hiding." Bowing politely, he excused himself, "I apologize, but I need to get Yumi-san home. It's been a long day, and she needs her rest."

Both women waved towards the van, inside which Nanako and Yumi sat so as not to force the Ikari family to host them at such a late hour, watching Suzuki climb aboard and depart. They had not received the best gift, which would be the return of their husband, nor the worst gift, which would be papers indicating his intention to divorce them. The fact that he apologized was a good enough sign on its own, for the message that he was slowly working towards normalcy it contained. "Ten more days until an Angel, according to Suzuka," Hikari looked to her wife.

"He'll be there." Maya's smile was comforting, "This is Shinji. Even if he's furious with all of us, he'd never let the world burn for our sins."

+++++ Author's Note 2

chuckieum:

RE: Recovery and Consequences.

If I had felt like Tolstoy or Austen, I might have chosen that as the working title for this monolith. Poor Shinji has been put through the wringer, and while it's been a year in our world, in his it's been less than a third of one. He's stronger than he gives himself credit for, and part of that comes from recognizing his limits.

RE: Arael and Asuka.

I wouldn't wish to be the entity that hurt her. If she didn't 'fix' the problem, Shinji would. He's lost one partner already, losing two won't end well.

RE: Ireul

She has her Jazzercise tapes. That might even be what's going on behind the barrier.

RE: Endgame.

A large part of the world I've built has been with the expectation that things never 'end' any more than they really ever 'begin'. Their life will, and must, continue after the last word of the story. To write it any other way would mean that Shinji and everyone around him only existed in the pages of a hack writer's book. That wouldn't be worth reading now, would it?

RE: Seduction.

Oh boy, is the story about to slap some people around.

Guest (chuckieum?): RE: Amethyst

Who indeed? One wonders where the crew of Rose's ship came from.

SK: RE: Anxiety and depression.

I write Hikari from the position she's in, because I've been there myself. The mind is a wonderful, terrible, delusion generator. The fear that you have when you think if you push the button someone might die, even though the button isn't connected to anything but a TV remote, is paralyzing. The fear that if you're mean to someone, that they'll die the next day and you'll forever remember being mean to them as the last thing you did, hurts. She, like all of my characters, is neither right nor wrong. They just _are_.

Starfire99:

RE: Shinji and Yui

I will say it again, "The truth of the matter hasn't been plot-relevant so far." Gendo lying to Shinji about everything in the world he came from means that his trust for him is already nearly non-existent. Gendo has, several times in my story, nearly died because Shinji doesn't really care for him. You're asking why Shinji wouldn't believe Gendo and I'm asking if you've been reading their interactions with each other. He's tolerant of Gendo, at best. When he's inside of Unit-01, he's not feeling anything _but_ Unit-01.

Again, "From Shinji's perspective, she doesn't exist." You can take that any number of ways. Some people don't believe Vaccines prevent diseases. Some people think the Earth is flat. Some people think contrails are the government spraying chemicals on their citizens to ensure complacency. What Shinji _believes_ doesn't necessarily make it true. What Shinji knows as a fact doesn't mean he'll draw further data from it. Several times in the story he's asked the LCL around him if there's anyone in Unit-01 while within Unit-01. Each time, unless it was Lily answering, he was greeted with silence. So perhaps the question one should be asking, instead of why Shinji hasn't communicated with Yui, is why YUI hasn't communicated with SHINJI.

RE: Asuka and her problems

Asuka was on the decline well before Arael. Earlier than Ireul, she was suffering from decline. The "kiss" and subsequent rejection in Episode 15, and later on Kaji bringing home a drunk Misato and smelling like her perfume. Shinji surpassing her sync ratio in Episode 16. Losses in successive fights (Bardiel Episode 18, Zeruel Episode 19) where she had to be bailed out by Unit-01 made it so she could barely operate against Arael (Episode 22), which meant her defenses (and her A.T. Field) weren't operating at full capacity, which allowed the bird's attack to be super effective. Arael wasn't what broke Asuka, Asuka was what broke Asuka. Arael just piled on by showing Asuka how much of her life was a lie she was telling herself.

RE: Ritsuko and Lily

+++++ 6th Angel + 5: Friday (43)

+++++ 7th Angel + 5: Friday (50)

Passing Nyx' test regarding Ritsuko. Shinji pieces it all together fairly easily, and expressly spells it out.

RE: Gentle

Gentle planted a shard in Shinji's head, though the 'how' hasn't and won't be addressed. Nyx/Lilith/Lily removes that shard while he's in the LCL tank, causing him to bond more permanently to her. Asuka had a shard planted in her head by Klaus, a Scion. Dark/Rose is appalled both times, and specifically states that she doesn't approve of what 'Gentle' did. The clues are all there, I'm not going to spell things out every time specifically because it tends to bog the story down in minutiae. Gentle's actions aren't even close to a major plot point, they're a catalyst for other larger booms. It's a writing stylistic choice I have had some moderate success with.

I'm not going to go back through my story to dig up evidence that I've put things in my story. I know it's there, because it's in my notes that I've placed either an explanation or hints in it. If it hasn't been figured out (like the cook aboard the Over the Rainbow) then I'm leaving it alone because I've received a frankly humbling amount of PMs and reviews where people are piecing things together and I love how happy they are in doing so. This story is as much about what I'm not saying as what I am saying. It's not perfect, because I'm not perfect, but I'm not going to be dragged into exposition dumps when I have limited enough time to write the story itself. When it's important to the narrative, I'll put it in the narrative. Otherwise, if the answer is "It was explained in story", that's because it's in the story. If I'm being vague? It's because I dislike having to take a lot of time to explain subtlety and symbolism every time something isn't spelled out in thirty-meter high blazing green letters.

I've been pretty good about praising those generous enough to leave a review when they've caught a mistake I made. I've complimented you more than once. Not everything's a mistake, though, and this isn't the first time I've had to mention that there's more to the forest than the pine needles on the ends of the branches. A lot of things are connected without being spelled out, and that's how the story's being told.

TripleF:

RE: Suzuka

She's becoming more confident in asserting her place, and he's becoming more confident in accepting her assertions.

RE: Sartre and Dante

And Shinji's only on the Third Circle. He's still got several more floors to visit.

origamishishou:

RE: Reading and Reviewing

As you can, my friend. I understand physical limitations all too well.

RE: Factory writing

One hundred and ten chapters, and over one point one million words. I may need an intervention.

RE: Communication

It solves a lot of problems, but it is hard to maintain the habit. Especially when you're married to the problems, and the habits of uncounted lifetimes are crawling at the edges.

RE: Rei

No, no, the lone remaining copy of Rei 2.0 is in the labs down in the main facility near the ruins of the Reiquarium. The Tower is in a separate wing.

RE: Perks of worshiping at the Shinji Shrine

Increased Carry Weight. Have you seen the stuff on his shoulders these days?

RE: Travelling Wilburys

Mungo Jerry could also give him some advice.

We're not bad people  
We're not dirty, we're not mean  
We love everybody but we do as we please  
When the weather's fine  
We go fishin' or go swimmin' in the sea  
We're always happy  
Life's for livin' yeah, that's our philosophy


	111. Chapter 111

+++++ 14th Angel + 22: Wednesday (111)

"It's the principle of it all," Shinji once more worked Suzuka's hands through the motions of preparing breakfast. He knew well enough that she was fully capable of doing this on her own, but he enjoyed holding her as they stood just as much as she enjoyed being held. "Each individual piece of my mind contains realities that once existed. In those realities, there…are versions of me that weren't 'noble' or 'generous' or even 'sane'. But never once did I see a reality in which _I_ was a truly terrible human being. Why?"

"The same could very well be asked of my own actions, or Maya-dono's, or Yang-chan's," she refrained from shrugging, to not throw off their unified rhythm. "Some people simply cannot coexist with evil. Apathy towards the world is not inherently bad, it simply indicates a mind that has become either overwhelmed by it, or one that cannot make choices within it." As the vegetable was set aside, she smiled up at him, "Besides, you see enough evil in yourself for any million lives, despite it not being present. Perhaps there is your balance, hmm?"

"Perhaps," her reasoning made sense, and she had always seen far more of his own mind than he himself could. After an evening of comfort, where she let him spoil her terribly to calm himself down, he had put his thoughts in order enough to come around to the next major point of discussion. "Do you remember…the morning after we watched movies together? Where I visited your room and asked you if you could do me a favor? We were interrupted by the call telling us where the final graves were."

"I remember being terribly distressed that a man came into my room, held me like he believed me to be the greatest prize of all, and left in a hurry for fear of upsetting me," she shifted her hips slightly, informing him of how their positions had changed over the weeks.

Taking his hands from hers, he pulled her against him, stooped to kiss her crown, and breathed into her hair, "How much misery might have been spared had I met you first?"

"If wishes were fishes, the cat would be fat," Suzuka quoted, to an older tune. "We face what is, dear heart, not what we would like to be. Friend, lover, enemy, rival, the difference is often simply what exists at the moment of fate. Had I held my tongue and not complimented you to Gen, Suzuki-san and I might have remained together. Had you not caught Hikari-chan, you may never have met Toshiro-kun to introduce you to Suzuki-san. I choose to be grateful for what I have, not lament what may have been."

He wished fervently that he could see the world the way she did, "If I ask you to promise me something, and in return promise you anything you want, will you let me down?"

"That question is far more complex than you might believe, dear heart. Let us start with what you desire of me," forcing him back, she turned and looked up at him with calm intensity, "and then we will discuss costs."

"I…." He looked down into the face of love, and hated himself, "I need you to promise to kill me, if I can't stop Lilith."

Her eyes narrowed, "Expound upon your premise."

With his tongue between his teeth, the tip shoved up under his lip, he ordered his thoughts slowly, "I have known for some time that I can't allow her to 'win'. I've tried to convince her that balance is possible, that we can coexist with the concept of a multiverse, that the Judges can be bargained with and Creation shared amongst all of her children." His eyes slid over towards the temple, "Rei Hino believes that I have failed."

She tilted her head, "You…spoke to the dead."

"I spoke to five young women who have lived and died more times than even I have," he corrected. "The last, the first to be truly honest, gave me that letter I shared with you. The photo. It started this quest to find their graves, to visit them and pay my respects." Briefly outlining their roles in fighting the evils of the world, he could only admire how Suzuka never once looked at him as if he was daft. She had, of course, the added benefit of being immortal and a witness to the frankly ridiculous stunts he himself pulled from time to time, but credulity could only be stretched so far even in the most open-minded of people.

Her hand toyed with his shirt idly, "Have you attempted summoning your Aspects?"

"Repeatedly. Whatever blocks I've put in place to stop us from speaking mentally, I've not had any response from them." Reaching over, he lifted the water out of the pot, still boiling, to hold it in the air, "I still have access to their gifts, but no access to _them_."

"Which means we cannot speak to them regarding the situation…convenient," Suzuka, not one to lack instincts of her own, reached the same conclusion Rose had some time ago. It was odd that the Second Angel had absented herself for so long, and even more odd that she'd remained absent after Shinji had awoken. Odd was never to be trusted, in an orderly universe. Her eyes returned to his, "Have you wondered if her threat to reset the entirety of the timeline might have been a bluff?"

"Repeatedly," Shinji nodded. "But it doesn't make sense why Rose wouldn't call that bluff. She must have at least had the power to do so, or the Judges wouldn't have waited."

"Unless they wish to see you continue to ascend, themselves," she shook her head. "We do not know their motivations. The only one who might, be not here to speak with."

Shifting her to the side gently, he rapidly continued to prepare their meal, "Irony."

"You're overfond of that word," Suzuka frowned.

"I should think the reverse more true," he shrugged. "In the timeline I was originally from, I was a pawn, between SEELE and Father. A council, omniscient and unknowable, controlling everything behind the scenes and setting a scenario in motion to entice me towards becoming the sacrifice to create Instrumentality. And a lone rebel, fighting against the council though once a member of their ranks, fighting to restore his wife and control Instrumentality. In the end, it was the love of a single woman who had previously served one of those two parties that gave me the control necessary to thwart both of their plans. Ultimately, I don't know if I could trust any of them, even the woman who loved me."

She blinked, "We've been played."

His hand was a blur as it chopped the vegetables, "The first step to avoiding a trap…."

+++++ 14th Angel + 22: Wednesday (111)

"I think I know what I'm going to do," Hikari said abruptly during lunch with Yang and Tsuru, under the shade of the old oak tree in the school yard.

Tsuru, hoping that this might mean more conversation with Hikari than the four total words she'd received all day, bit on the hanging thread, "What do you mean, Hikari?"

"I'm going to rework our entire agreement," answering without answering, she continued to seek the details in her lunch. "I've weighted the entire thing towards my desires, never once considering what he might want, or prefer. Even when we changed everything in Ogawa to try and include others, it was still tilted so that I held control. I can't do that. Either we all trust each other, and we all act with that trust out front, or we're all just watching and waiting for someone to mess up and ruin it all."

Yang nibbled on a stalk of celery, "Is this that penance thing?"

"Hmm?" Remembering suddenly that she was sitting with two others, the freckle-faced beauty shook herself, "Sorry! Oh, oh I am so sorry!" Setting aside her lunch, she took both of the other young women's hands and held them close, "I've been so focused on what I could do that I forgot I was sitting here with people I loved." Smiling, the first open and honest smile she'd shared with either of them in weeks, she laughed, "Why don't we spend the evening doing each other's nails? It's been ages since I've done that, with Koko not wanting anything special due to work. After, we'll take pictures, so we can share them with Shinji when he comes home."

"I'd be happy to, but I don't really spend much time doing my nails," Tsuru couldn't quite keep track of the conversation. "I don't have any of the equipment necessary, beyond some trimmers."

"I've got you covered," Yang's smile was eager. She could see in Hikari the first signs of a breakthrough, and wanted to support her friend in recovering. "If I didn't paint my nails well, they'd chip and break all the time. Bad manicures don't get repeat customers."

"We'll all paint our nails the same," Hikari nodded firmly. "We'll pick three colors, one each, and paint three fingers each of those colors. Leaving the last one with only lacquer."

The farmgirl nodded, catching onto the idea, "To signify Shinji's absence?"

"We'll fill it in with the color of his choice, after he chews my butt off for slacking," she grinned excitedly. "After I tell him that my entire idea was stupid and childish. _His_ idea, which allows us all to enjoy equality, needs some work too…but it's a much better place to start from than mine."

+++++ 14th Angel + 22: Wednesday (111)

Maya's phone beeped in a pattern that she hadn't anticipated hearing. Nearly toppling over in her chair as she scrambled to grab it, she fumbled it three times before Ritsuko snagged it out of the air and scowled at her one-time protégé. "Give." Standing, Maya held her hand out and exuded an aura promising death to any who dared disobey.

"Calm. Down." Ritsuko, confident enough to oppose a woman who risked overplaying her hand, leaned forward and placed the phone behind her back, "He's texting you. If this was a phone call, that would be different. But you need to be _calm_ or you are going to make a mistake."

Asuka, being far closer to Maya than she'd ever consider being with Ritsuko, plucked the device from the scientist's grasp and shoved her aside, presenting the trophy to her friend with a wink, "Or, you can be the woman he loves. I think you should choose how you are, Maya."

Tapping the display to view the message, she scanned it over three times before slowing down to read it word for word, "Huh."

 _Consider supporting Lancaster. York hasn't been truthful. BURN THIS MESSAGE._

Maya's eyes saccaded rapidly, "I…I don't understand."

Asuka had, as was her wont, come around to read over Maya's shoulder, "The War of the Roses?" She blinked, "Delete it. Delete it now." When Maya didn't move fast enough, she grabbed the device and performed the deletion herself, "Damn it woman, for someone who's supposed to be on the bridge during crises you move as slow as a tortoise in winter."

"Oh my, oh my," Eve sat nearby on a chair. "It seems _someone_ has finally realized that trusting the scorpion is always a terrible idea."

"Hey, I've got a fun game," the redhead turned to glare at her passenger. "It's called, 'Let's not push Asuka very far, because she has Superman on speed dial and he's fond of murdering people who threaten her.' It's great. Everyone wins when nobody says anything they shouldn't." When the pale beauty raised her eyebrow, a hint of worry crossing her features, Asuka nodded, "Quite serious, and you know I am. He trusted his wife with this, and I know he'll make a command appearance if she says you'll burn us."

"I… _am_ on your side, child," Adam's second wife held her hands up in surrender. "I've never trusted the bitch."

"Would you _kindly_ explain what you are talking about, Asuka?" Maya snapped as she took her phone back.

"He must have referenced his penchant for calling one 'Lily', a white flower, and the other 'Rose', typically red." Ritsuko murmured aloud, "The War of the Roses, York and Lancaster. One Red, one White. York, the White, won, but Eve hates Lily, meaning Shinji wants to support Lancaster, the Red."

"She's been telling lies," Maya wasn't an idiot, but she hadn't studied European history to the extent that either Asuka or Ritsuko had and hadn't caught the reference. She suddenly felt incredibly exposed, considering Shinji wasn't there to protect them. He'd passed along his message, somehow expecting her to either understand or to know to ask the one woman he'd trust she would, Ritsuko Akagi. "How do we know if she's around, though?"

"Hi," Eve wiggled her fingers, drawing everyone's attention back to her. "Pleased to meet you, my name is Eve. I'm what you might consider an expert on the individual in question. She might be able to hide from mortals, she might even be able to hide from Shinji though I sincerely doubt it, but she wouldn't be able to hide from me or 'Rose', not anymore."

"If she shows up, make it clear without giving anything away," Maya had to work with what she had. Dialing Suzuka's number, retaining her word that she'd only ever call the willowy warrior until Shinji had returned of his own choice, she hoped she was making the right choice.

After two rings, Suzuka's voice responded quietly, "Alone?"

It wasn't like the woman to be laconic, "Ritsuko, Asuka, Eve. Nobody else. What's happening?"

"We're being played for fools. Shinji's spoken with a source he trusts more than even you and I," her inclusion of Maya in the issue of trust brought a surge of guilty pleasure to his wife. "The viper was responsible for a murder beyond Ayanami-chan. We know not who, only that the young woman's head was removed clean. There may be more, or worse, but the source had limited time and could not expound." She paused, "I must go. Do not trust her. Do not spread the word, however. If she discovers, she may strike."

Maya squelched her desire to pass along a message of love to Shinji, "I understand."

"He loves you, Maya-dono. Take heart in that," Suzuka ended the call after finishing the thought.

"So…." Asuka shuffled with nervous energy, "Can we share with the class?"

"Eve-san," Maya looked to the sole non-human in the room, waving for patience from her newest friend, "I'm not fond of threats. I've been making too many of them lately, and the _need_ to do so has been truly irksome. Even towards someone who has harmed my friend." Pocketing her phone, she clasped her hands behind her back and tilted her head as she considered the ethereal beauty, "I'm a consensus builder, at heart. I like to get everyone to work not only towards what the group wants, but what they themselves want."

The redheaded pilot frowned, "What _do_ you want, other than out of my head?"

Eve's laugh was 'perfect', the type you would expect had been practiced before a mirror endlessly until it was as staged as it was natural. Flipping her long, flowing, hair behind her shoulder, she stood and crossed to hug Maya, "You, dear, sweet child, are far more terrifying than any of these others around you even begin to comprehend. You could crook your finger and set him to crushing the world flat." Settling back on her heels, she smiled down at the shorter woman, "They don't see the lines like you do…he truly chose well to bring you into his circle."

"I appreciate the compliment, Eve-san, but I would appreciate it more if you answered Asuka's question," Maya allowed herself to remain in the powerful being's grasp, uncertain as to the specifics of her 'compliment'. She had to work with the forces she had, if she meant to keep everyone alive.

"I want Shinji Ikari to fall in love with me," Eve shrugged as if it were only natural. "I want him to look at me, the way he looks at you. I want him to allow me to walk within his soul." Her lips curled upwards in a vulpine grin, "I want to parade my former husband's failures before his eyes, and then I want to shove a flaming sword into his gut and twist it about until I'm confident he's cooked properly." Shrugging with a 'what can you do' attitude, "I doubt I'll get the last part, your husband seems too tender-hearted, but finally having a purpose to fulfill in Creation again would suffice."

Ritsuko frowned, "And…Shinji loving you is your purpose?"

"Oh, dear me no," Eve giggled coquettishly. "That's just the benefit. I'm a mother with no children, child. _He_ wouldn't give me any more than those you've so efficiently slaughtered, minus the three you haven't yet of course." Shifting her embrace of Maya to more of a side-hug, she looked towards Asuka and let her good humor fade, "I have…perhaps allowed my own issues to cloud my judgement when assisting you in your struggle against my son's mad ambition. I…apologize."

Maya's mind clicked everything into place, "The Angels are your-"

"Ungrateful spawn who never bothered to visit, write, call, let me know how they were doing in their efforts to improve the cosmos all because my wretched ex-husband wouldn't allow them an iota of Tabris' gift as it would 'risk his grand designs'," she snarled. "Created, used, cast aside and left without a means to fulfill my purpose…you might begin to understand how appealing serving Shinji Ikari would seem."

Asuka's face had a dubious cast to it, "You want to have children with a man you've met, what, twice?"

"Is it so hard to believe, Asuka dear, that I'm able to perceive him far differently than you? I'm not like you." She gestured towards the monitors, currently displaying information about upgrades needed to the Evas, "I'm actually far closer to your Unit-02, all told." She patted Maya's cheek, then moved to face all three women, "Shinji Ikari is a mixture of your species and mine. Much, in the same way, as your Rei Ayanami was a mixture of pure Angelic tissue and human."

Ritsuko picked up on the tense quickly, "Was?"

"Well, she's no longer a separate entity," Eve explained with a slight frown, confused as to the confusion regarding her statement. "Certainly, you could say she exists, but as part of a gestalt being inside of Lilith's Ocean."

The quarter-blonde scowled, "…Of course. That's why we couldn't…I was too focused on the absurdity of her body healing that I missed the patently obvious. At no point did I think about her taking back the piece of her soul that…and then that means Unit-00 had to be fitted with Unit-03's core because she reclaimed both." Groaning, she shook her head as she looked to Maya, "We missed the most obvious answer, because we were looking for what we could test scientifically."

"I knew," Maya was tired of having to hide things, and with everything else going on it was likely that Ritsuko would find out anyway as soon as Shinji was able to reopen the mental lines of communication. "She…told me what she was doing as it happened." Seeing the look of confusion on Ritsuko's face and the calculating look Asuka was giving her, she shrugged, "We hadn't revealed her presence yet to everyone. After Shinji chose to make the grand reveal, there was just never a good time for me to bring it up. Can't just go, 'Hey, I know everyone's processing all of this insanity, but Rei's gone. Her soul's been absorbed back into the being that we _carved it out of_.' Misato's going to kill me."

The Second Child blew out her cheeks, not interested in being angry with Maya for something that was far too convoluted to honestly blame on the beleaguered woman, "Can we just burn this place to the ground once we're done with the Angels?" Waving her hand around the room, she frowned angrily, "Nothing good has come from any of what we're doing. It's all just been 'less bad'. We're constantly choosing the 'lesser evil' and all that's doing is making the world Shinji's trying to put together more evil!"

"You won't receive any arguments from me," the Lieutenant Colonel shook her head sadly. "I…just want to survive this with my marriage intact."

"So…question," Ritsuko had stayed focused on the problem she had come from, and how it was changed by the new data, "is it possible to restore Rei's soul, if we take it back from the gestalt?"

"I'm not sure about 'we'," Eve laughed. "Shinji undoubtedly could. However, if any of the rest of you tried, the bitch would probably simply erase you where you stood. She's whole again. She's allowed herself to exist in parts for quite some time, and all with an eye towards defeating my children. Now that the end is in sight, she won't go back. I certainly wouldn't."

+++++ 14th Angel + 23: Thursday (112)

It was the hours of the ox, and Suzuka had tired of their repeated failures to progress. "I would like to try something different," shifting from where she sat on the bed with Shinji in lotus position helping him meditate in an effort to reach inside of his own soul, she began to crawl slowly closer.

"Suzi," he chided, opening one eye with a sigh, "we can't keep allowing ourselves to be distracted. We have a week before we _need_ to go back. If I can't talk to anyone inside of me, we're going to be at a disadvantage."

Pouncing, she knocked him back and pinned him easily to the bed, pleased that he hadn't resisted. Both were, at her request, fully nude. She'd made some pretense at it improving their chances of removing distractions, but wasn't under any preconceptions that Shinji had bought it. As she grinned down at him, she clicked her tongue, "My, my, my. Already so certain that I desire you? Have I become so predictable?"

His smile was both patient and warm, "You barely let me finish my homework for all the desire you were sharing. However, considering we're not already…sharing, I get the feeling you have another idea."

"I will release my consciousness into your soul." When she saw his smile drop to a frown, she shushed him, "I remember how to do it, and it is possible that the block cannot be removed from without. While I am vulnerable, you may defend me. If this does not work, we will learn more about the problem. If it does, however, we might determine the extent to which we must struggle to correct this."

Hooking his leg behind her knee to remove her leverage, he used his strength to flip her over onto her back, reversing the hold, "Explain to me how you are going to give me the information, if you can't return to your body. You're presuming that it's possible to fix it from within. That they're either waiting on me to give some 'all clear' or to ask me to let down some guard I don't know I have up. You're asking me to risk your safety without any safeguards against losing you."

Her eyes hardened, worrying that he wasn't willing to risk everything to save the world anymore, "I'm one woman-"

"You're _my_ woman," he whispered harshly. "I will figure this out. Please," carefully lowering himself to embrace her, he held her tight, "you are the one thing keeping me from losing my mind. Without you, I…."

Wishing that he saw in himself the greatness she did, Suzuka backed down for the moment. They had time, and she had at least planted the seeds of the idea. "On one condition," a small smile touched her lips as he tilted his head slightly to eye her sidelong, "I want to be on top. I adore the way you caress me when I am." Pushing him lightly, heat suffusing her as he allowed himself to be rolled once more onto his back, she sat astride him and grinned victoriously, "I believe this to be an adequate… _compromise_."

Shinji couldn't keep his eyes from closing with pleasure as she reached behind herself to take him in hand. She had ways to manipulate his body that thrilled him to his toes, but it was the way that she balanced what he wanted and what she wanted without fighting against him for it that truly brought him the greatest joy. She always had his best interests in mind, but never once had she insisted he do anything. She was his partner, and she'd slid into the role flawlessly.

+++++ 14th Angel + 23: Thursday (112)

"I can't believe he did that," Tsuru whispered angrily. "Just…just…." Sitting, once more, beneath the old oak tree for lunch, the farmgirl was beyond livid. "How thoughtless can one man be?!"

"Three weeks, and already the school is forgetting what Shinji's done for them," Yang wasn't far behind in anger, though she had a much greater level of control over it. After several discussions of what Hikari had experienced over her time with unfettered access to the visions, she understood far better than Tsuru what the act had done to her housemate. "I doubt the teachers are going to do anything about your response, Hikari. Don't worry." Both she and Tsuru looked over at the sudden intrusion of the head of the track team, leading two other captains of different teams, glaring daggers at the young men.

"Easy, easy," the athletic man motioned for peace, not approaching closer. "I just wanted to pass on some information."

"What do you need, Morimoto-san," Hikari's voice was as lifeless as her gaze. It was only through great effort that she had chosen to remain in class, the things she'd seen in her own mind crawling like spiders along her scalp, "Does the principal need me?"

"No, Ikari-san," the sorrow in the young man's voice eased the tension in both Tsuru and Yang. "I know that you didn't ask us to, and I saw that you are fully capable of defending yourself against things, but the track team has had a discussion with several of the other sports teams. We're going to make it clear to everyone that any further…well, assholery from idiots like Yoshitaka-san is going to result in ostracization. The football team has already told him to turn in his cleats."

"Whoa," Yang blinked. "You can do that?"

"They won't play with someone who'd drag their name through the mud like that," Morimoto declared firmly. "Shinji-san is off training, he's being forced to be away from his wives, he's sacrificing for all of us! If I catch anyone on the track team even _looking_ at Ikari-san like she's a loose woman, they're going to be doing shuttle-runs and burpees for the rest of time. She doesn't deserve to be hit on by leeches and lechers, she's our Class Rep." Bowing politely to the slightly more animated freckle-faced Duchess, he repeated himself, "We won't allow your reputation to suffer, Ikari-san. We believe in you, just like we believe in Shinji-san. Please, let him know we're pulling for him." Standing straight, he grinned, "And if you could teach my little sister how to slap like that? I'd appreciate it. Ladies should know how to defend themselves against perverts."

The trio watched as the three captains excused themselves, realizing as they walked away that the sports teams had taken up defensive positions at the tables around the oak tree. Those members that had girlfriends were sitting by their partners, all of whom were 'not watching' the Ikari household eat lunch. It was a wall of humans, a social boundary, and a reminder to all three ladies that Shinji's reputation for helping hadn't expired.

"I…guess I'm just lucky I didn't chip a nail," Hikari joked after a few seconds of silence. Laughing delicately, she held up her right hand to inspect the four painted ends, "I haven't had to actually _slap_ someone in a while." Curling her fist closed, holding the finger that remained unpainted tight, she lowered it to her knee, "Suzuhara-san was the last one, after he tried to hurt Shinji."

Tsuru had discovered her own truths about living with Hikari, and took the next step in a long line of them towards shoring up her place in the house by letting go of the forced refinement that she'd been holding on to, "It's all in the wrist and elbow, you know?" Putting on a slow demonstration, she smiled with light affection, "My grand-da made certain Mushroom and I know how to really turn someone's face. The satisfying 'pop' when you connect correctly draws everyone's attention, and that's when you find out who your friends truly are."

"I doubt anyone else will try to sit in Shinji's desk," Yang went with the flow. "After you slapped him for rubbing your thigh, I punted him towards the blackboard as he stood up, and the entire class loomed until he found the exit. _Everyone_ knows that you aren't the kind of woman to break a promise," she winked with the eye away from Tsuru as she grinned towards Hikari, "which is why the jocks are all defending us now. If they thought someone had a chance, they wouldn't be standing in the way. They're just trying to keep the body count low."

"It'll be a funny story to tell the children, twenty years from now when they're going through school," Tsuru added brightly. "Little ones, this is how Momma Hikari fought off someone who thought they had the right to touch her without permission. Always make sure to stay around your friends, because Momma Yang helped out." Feigning deep depression, she continued, "Momma Tsuru couldn't do anything, because she was on the wrong side of the desk. She'd have flashed everyone with her panties if she'd lunged across two desks to punch the asshole out of the room!"

Hikari's smile brightened slightly, "Momma Tsuru chronicled the event, so that future generations could learn from the mistakes of the past." Looking to Yang, she took the leggy waitresses hand, then took the farmgirls, "Papa Shinji wasn't the only example for their classmates to aspire towards."

"That's our class rep," Yang giggled. "Promoting violence as the solution to life's problems."

The trio's laughs improved the mood of the surrounding tables, as the students' worries were allayed. Hikari held a special place in all of their hearts, her standing as a 'mere mortal' that had been chosen by a living legend only heightened by her recent thawing. She had given them leadership for years and years, had seemed a permanent fixture in their lives, and to see her doubting herself fed worries that there was something to worry over. If she could still smile and laugh, there must be something worth smiling and laughing about for everyone.

+++++ 14th Angel + 23: Thursday (112)

Suzuka watched Shinji's meditation carefully. He had finally managed to relax enough to allow himself to stop thinking, which meant that all of his auxiliary emotions were turned off as well. The change in his demeanor was worrisome, as he no longer had a barrier between himself and the deep-seated anger that he kept locked away. His typical frown, the subtle downturn of his lips that was his default face, was now replaced with a scowl. His eyes, usually filled with a soft sorrow that only fit him so well owing to the parade of inequities life foisted upon him, now were of a kind with the scowl.

He radiated power, though it fought against his desire to control it. The lack of thought did not bring with it tranquility as it often meant for her, which was ultimately what led to her deciding to observe him. Meditation might still prove useful for him, providing insight into his own inner demons, but not along the path that she herself tended to walk. His was clearly a journey towards balancing his desire to bring joy to others with his innermost need to punish the world for the pain it inflicted. Few might be spared his wrath, should he lose control over it, none would remain untouched by it.

The glow under his closed left eyelid, the altered eye beneath seeming to pulse with flame and life, held its own mysteries for her to unravel. His time in the monstrous Unit-01 had changed him in many ways, though none seemed as odd as that which she now contemplated. The symbolism did not escape her, as that was the side Hikari preferred to walk upon. That it was the side so altered fit his penchant for irony, and that it now seemed close to weeping flame only made it more so. Did it mean something in their current dilemma? Was it only a shiny distraction?

 _Distractions_ , she thought ruefully. _I am acting as if I hadn't seen my twentieth summer._

"Are you?" Shinji's eyes opened, his entire demeanor changing rapidly back to its typical reserved worry, "I honestly wouldn't be able to tell." Frowning, he sighed, "I'm sorry, Suzi. I really don't know what I'm looking for within…myself?" Tilting his head as her eyes grew wider, he blinked in confusion, "What is it?"

"I had not spoken aloud," Suzuka pointed to her mouth. "You heard my thoughts."

 _Hello?_ The thought trembled with hope, _Can you hear me?_ Shinji's eyes tried to see the answer in her own before she spoke.

 _I love you, Little Bear._ She was bowled over as he launched himself happily across the bed, wrapping her in his arms and rolling back and forth laughing. The connection between them had finally latched back into place, and she could once again both see and feel his emotions and thoughts.

"I wish I knew what I did!" Halting on his side, he clutched her to him, "I was just sitting there feeling…."

"Angry," she announced, heedless of his concerns over the issue. His emotions were what they were, they did not own him unless he chose to allow them to, "Why don't we try talking through what is bothering you? You've been much calmer, after our _compromises_ , mayhap we could make progress towards balancing your emotional states."

His frown, far from the angered downturn of his lips from minutes past, was closer to the typical discontent, "It's…the same problem. I shouldn't talk about it while-" When her fingertip landed on the end of his nose, he paused. The battle in his eyes, the glow in his left now having receded, was over far faster than normal, "I love Hikari. I love her…I love her _desperately_. I feel, in my bones, that she is essential to my 'happiness', whatever that means." He took a deep breath, "And now all I see when I think about her…is her loathing me."

She allowed him to roll her atop him, understanding his desire to 'hide' from the pain under someone who loved him. Shifting to a seated position, she moved his hands to where they could caress her hips and thighs as he thought. She was perfectly willing to play the 'living stress ball' for him, just as she was willing to return to the manor and speak to Hikari if that was what it took to restore his balance.

"It's not… _fully_ the memories of her with other men," he continued. "That's not great, I'll never be able to be comfortable with those thoughts…. But it's more the fact that she clearly wasn't receiving something from me. But instead of talking to me, instead of coming to me and saying, 'Hey, I miss your touch' or 'Hey, could we try this', she just…went to someone else." When his eyes landed on her, she braced herself for the stinging pain of his next statement, "And now I'm lying under someone who is giving me what I want…is _active_ when she wants something from me in asking for it, and I see exactly why I never wanted to do this."

"Because you feel you're doing to her exactly what you don't want done to you," Suzuka, mature enough to put aside her own qualms to help the man she loved, never betrayed the pain of wondering just how easy it would be to tell him to set aside everyone else and remain with her, and her alone, forever. "There is a rather distinct difference, in that she _approves_ of what we're doing. Consent, dear heart, is supremely important when dealing with intimacy. That none of those other pale imitations of her gained such consent is what carved deepest into your heart."

"…I know." He looked away, his eyes instinctively going to where the manor sat far off on the horizon, "We've all agreed to this. I…." His eyes closed, his voice lowering, "I only hope that she's finding comfort with Maya, or Tsuru, or Rose, or Yang…. She wanted a house full of love, full of life. I just hope that those women aren't there for me alone. That they _actually_ love that," his grip tightened around her thighs, "irritating, demanding, cocksure, _arrogant_ young woman I love."

Far from causing pain, the way he clutched her close seemed to pray that she not leave him for being honest in his statements. Not wishing to 'pile on', she kept her own agreement with his assessment of Hikari's character to herself. She knew that the daughter of her former lover was, in many ways, perfect for leadership. She had been nearly tailor-made for Shinji as he was. She could guide him, steer him towards what was best for him, praise him and nurture him, and when necessary comfort and console him. The problem in all of that was, however, that she was _a leader_. Two sets of hands on the reins confused the horse, and as Shinji's own abilities in leadership began to mature after long, long years of being left to rot…he was discovering that he didn't want to do things her way.

"I shouldn't make her seem so terrible," his eyes flicked back to hers. "She's funnier than you think at first, and she's brilliant. I feel like I'm cheating with having a higher place in class than her, considering I don't know how much of this is me and how much is me knowing what everyone around me knows. She cares about people, even those that have angered her, and she's not shy about doing what she can to help them find their way. She's an amazing singer, and…well, she's absolutely stunning when she smiles at me. There's so much to love, and I know that it's what draws these guys to her…."

"And there's the tragedy of it all," Suzuka smiled with sorrow-filled amusement. "Your lack of confidence in your own merits, combined with your visions of versions of Hikari that had no one else to guide her curiosity and lack of impulse control, give fertile ground for the 'worst case' scenarios to grow in your mind. You're smart enough to recognize this, but you can't stop it. Life won't let you get your feet under you."

Shinji's nod was slow, "I'm broken."

"But you are not irreparable," she declared firmly. "This, Little Bear, is why she sees terrible futures without others around. She needs peers who will help her retain her honesty. You need people who love you and wish to see you grow. You would be perfect for one another…were either of you complete within yourself."

"I'm not giving you up," his voice became harsh, his gaze hard. "I love you, Suzuka Ikari. I am not praising Hikari only to belittle you. You are every centimeter as amazing a woman as she is, from your mind to your form. I don't love you in lieu of her, or because she isn't here. I love you because _I love you_."

 _That's good, Little Bear,_ slowly lowering herself to kiss him, she exulted in how confident he sounded when speaking those words. _Because I love you, just as much as you love me._

+++++ 14th Angel + 24: Friday (113)

Hikari awoke for the first time in several days without her wife's presence. Maya had, after being allowed to know the full extent of Hikari's duplicitous mind and the traitorous visions it forced upon her, agreed to be more communicative regarding her work life. With permission from Misato, she was allowed to share everything that was being worked on so long as it was in person and in a secured environment like their bedroom.

Her wife had called, said she couldn't explain what she was working on and apologized for that fact. The call alone was honestly enough for Hikari, because it was a far cry from their fights just after Shinji had collapsed again, but the statement that Maya was going to be at something all night with Ritsuko, Asuka, and an unknown fourth party in an effort to 'save everyone' was their special code for 'can't get into it, please don't pry'.

Trust hadn't been broken, and was certainly nowhere near as bad as it was between Shinji and everyone else owing to his inability to trust even himself fully, and so Hikari had chosen to do something to further her own goals. Lying in Yang's room, with Tsuru on one side of her and the owner of the bedroom on the other, she smiled at how different the two women looked. Yang, ever fashion-forward and always clean, trim, and neat, couldn't seem to sleep without messing her hair and clothes up. Her body's motor would not be turned off, even in sleep, and so the tossing and turning produced an 'adorably mussed' effect. Tsuru, on the other hand, was a very still sleeper. When Hikari had drifted off Tsuru was on her side, her hands wrapped with the right over the left, her mouth closed in a placid smile, and her longer hair tucked neatly in her grasp. Now that Hikari was awake, the only difference in Tsuru was that her smile had shifted with some dream into an amused grin.

There was a temptation present to kiss either or both of the young women she'd crashed with, their long talk over the prior evening discussing how best to handle Shinji when…or if…he returned to them had led to an impromptu 'sleepover'. Hikari stifled it, however, more in an effort to not ruin what little sleep they had left to gain than out of any concern of upsetting them. Tsuru had clearly signaled a hope for a deeper intimacy with Hikari and Shinji. There was no mystery in that offer, it was as open as the rest of the woman's emotions were. Yang had shown an interest, which had grown as Hikari herself had pulled out of the depression in no small part owing to Yang's efforts. The difference, she thought as she slid out of bed, was that Tsuru actively desired to be a part of everything, and Yang wanted to wait to make certain that she was what Shinji and Hikari desired.

Slipping quietly out of the leggy waitress' bedroom, she padded to the kitchen and began to make everyone's meals. After a rocky few weeks, Hikari had the house operating effectively again with Yang as her top lieutenant. The freckle-faced leader had made her apologies to the little ones, and explained thoroughly to the degree she felt appropriate as to the 'why' of her pain. Sakura, ever eager to be accepted, jumped on the apology to cry and hug Hikari in an effort to show that she still wanted to stay in the house with everyone. Nozomi, eyeing her older sister, reminded Hikari that she was not the only woman to love Shinji and that instead of bottling up her emotions she ought to share them with the women who loved _her_ just as much.

 _She's growing so fast,_ Hikari thought with a sad smile. Her baby sister, still the youngest in the house, was taking giant strides towards becoming a young woman. The visions were the least of the problems, as Kodama's declaration of a precocious puberty had proven true creating a panic in Team Rainbow until 'the talk' was had. The accompanying health concerns, checkups, and a personal reassurance from Ritsuko Akagi that the health complications could be managed had allayed those fears enough to allow weeping and ice cream to handle the rest. The entire household had banded together to share their stories, and create a sense of normalcy out of the entire affair for the littlest lady.

Breaking open the next egg, her hands remained in motion as her mind continued to drift through her life. She sought after the pain Shinji's absence brought, prodding it, poking it, analyzing how it reacted in an effort to find any changes that she'd have to manage. That Suzuka had him all to herself was an irritant, though she now recognized that a part of that was jealousy. She'd long…. _Be honest with yourself, you silly girl._ She'd long desired the willowy warrior. In her was everything Hikari had ever wanted in a female sexual partner, matched possibly only by Misato Katsuragi once she'd met her as well. Soft and hard, strong and powerful, both were the kind of women that would allow her to turn off her own decision-making long enough to actually relax and let go.

Before Shinji's arrival, she'd honestly begun to wonder if she wasn't actually bi-sexual and was simply a lesbian. None of the boys around her sparked that same itch, and it was truly only because of the societal pressures towards having children that she'd been considering anyone of the masculine persuasion. _He's so…feminine. Until he's not._ Hikari smiled fondly as she thought of how her husband managed to balance power with timidity, meekness with confidence, strength with honor. Noticing at the last second the water dripping down into the eggs, she marked this batch as her own so as to not be rude to her housemates. Wiping her tears, she prayed again to the spirits around her that he chose to come home. She loved him, and she was smart enough to realize that none of the rest of what she had was worth it…if he was the cost.

+++++ 14th Angel + 24: Friday (113)

Shinji tucked Suzuka in, his living weapon having finally run out of energy. The darkened room, made possible by curtains designed to not allow any light to leak in or out of the window, was silent save for her soft breathing. On light feet, he made his way to the main room, closing the bedroom door behind him. He didn't like being alone, but he also didn't want to risk disturbing whatever rest the latest woman to call herself his wife could gain. Keeping his thoughts free of words, focusing on concepts alone to avoid potentially waking her, he looked around the room for a way to occupy himself.

Sitting on the coffee table, out in the open, was the first object to draw his attention. A part of him screamed that it was a terrible idea. That choosing to do that would be permanent. Final. Once done, could not be undone. The other, weaker, part of him wanted it all over with. Wanted the pain resolved.

Without realizing he had, Shinji was now staring down at it, having crossed to the table unconsciously. It called to him, promising release. Promising _resolution_. It would be simple. Pick it up… _choose_. All of his problems had revolved around that one simple character flaw. He couldn't make a choice for the life of him. He couldn't decide his own fate. First it was his father, then his 'sensei', then Misato, then Asuka, then Hikari, then Kodama, then Toshiro, then Suzuka, then Maya, one long string of people making decisions for Shinji Ikari because Shinji Ikari was too pathetic to do it for himself.

While his thoughts bounced around in his skull, fighting against his instincts and his fears, he'd picked it up. The weight seemed off, heavier. The mass dragged itself back towards the table, away from him, away from the need to make a permanent choice. He could set it down, walk away, let it remain as it was. He was fine here. He could be happy here. He could show up, kill the final three Angels, tell Lilith to go away, and spend the rest of eternity with Suzuka alone.

He could be a coward. He could run away. He could prove every nasty, negative, thought others had of him true. He could be the villain. He could abandon Maya to madness, Asuka to Eve's control, Nozomi and Sakura to the whims of fate. He could let his Light grow dim, fade from the Earth forever. He could disappoint Rei Hino, Princess Serenity, and their closest friends. …He could die slowly as guilt and shame ate him alive.

His choice was made for him, he knew that. This was, as most everything in his life tended to be, a decision that wasn't a decision. He couldn't let the women who'd come to depend on him down. He couldn't let their cries of love go unanswered. He couldn't be the kind of a man who ignored their pain and let it do to them what his pain was doing to him. He'd suffer. It'd hurt. But if his days here in the cabin had shown him anything…it was that the rewards for suffering couldn't be measured.

Closing his eyes, he dialed _home_.

+++++ 14th Angel + 24: Friday (113)

Hikari was putting the finishing touches on everyone's morning meal when Shinji's cello sang out from her phone on the dining room table. Her eyes flicked to the device, a curious frown on her face as she tried to understand why it would do that. She wouldn't set that as an alarm, and she had another two minutes before that alarm would go off to tell her it was time to wake everyone up. When she looked closer, and saw Shinji's warm smile above the 'answer' and 'decline' buttons, her heart skipped a beat. Scooping up the device, she stabbed the 'answer' button desperately, putting the phone to her ear and embarrassing herself, "Shinji?!"

The answer was the essence of the man she loved, "…Did I wake you?"

"N-no," he was talking to her. She could hear his voice. "I've been making everyone breakfast, I…you…Shinji?"

"I'm…sorry." Her heart sank as she heard those words, the worst scenarios coming to mind. "You and I need…uhm…we need to talk." Tears were flowing now, she braced herself for pain such that she'd never understood possible. "Could…could you skip school? I know it's…uhm, it's asking a lot. We have responsibilities. I just…I need to see you in person, I need to explain myself." Her emotions froze, the certitude she had that he was leaving them forever vanishing. "I'll ask Nana-chan to bring you up. Err…Nanako-san, I'm sorry." She couldn't get her voice to work. "Hikari? Are you there?"

The way his voice seemed fragile when he spoke her name, afraid, galvanized her spine once more, "Yes! I'll be ready. Whenever she shows up, I'll be ready."

His warm smile was evident in his voice, "Thank you. I know it's asking a lot, like I said. I just…I'm done…." Blowing out a heavy sigh, he changed what he was going to say, "I need to go. I need to call Maya, explain a few things." The next phrase meant more to her than anything in the world, "I love you, Light. I'll see you soon."

The line went dead before she could get her voice to work, "I…love you too…." The river of tears had a different impetus now, _he loves me._ Leaving the final few plates away from the chairs assigned to them, she dashed off to her room. The war for her future wasn't decided yet, and she would _not_ be found wanting at the decisive battle.

+++++ 14th Angel + 24: Friday (113)

Maya leaned listlessly against the consoles, listening to Asuka and Ritsuko debating potential countermeasures with Eve. It had been an incredibly long night, but the quartet was determined to have a plan of action plotted out before calling a halt to everything. Their enemy had vanished, and could return as a 'friend' or as a slayer. Either way, they had to be ready. A slight frown grew on her face as she heard the first strains of a cello, and when she picked up her phone she wondered when she'd chosen that ringtone for the breakfast alarm.

'Answer' and 'Decline' showed beneath a modified picture of her husband, changing him to where he had a puppy's nose and ears, with two hearts above each ear. Blinking, she stabbed 'Answer', "Hello, this is Maya Ikari." _He couldn't be calling. He barely managed to get a text message to me._

"Hello, Kitten," the soft reply set her heart aflutter. Her husband's voice, after three and a half weeks, she was hearing…. "I'm sorry that you're stuck where you are. If I had to guess, you're probably at work, trying to figure out a way to help neutralize the unexpected bump in the road."

"You…uh, you know me," she could see the other three women in the room staring at her, questions on all three faces. "Work, work, work. I hear that you're kind of busy too. Trying to figure out how to face everyone again, for the first time."

"Aren't we the pair?" His warm laughter was subdued, it was obvious he was trying to not wake someone up. "I'm sorry, Maya. I'm having Nana-chan…Nanako-san, I'm sorry. I need to remember when I am. I'm having her bring Hikari up. She and I need to talk. I'd bring you too, but…well, it's not _you_ I have a problem with." Her heart ached at the thought of not seeing him. "You've always been there for me." That was a salve for the wound. "You've always encouraged me. Fostered positive habits. Even those things you ask me to do for you…are kind of fun, once you get used to it." The memory of him locking her arms in place as he pounded her brought a deep blush to her cheeks. "Tell you what…as penance," the word reminded her of Rose, "when we next see one another…." There was a pause, she could tell he was gathering his courage, "We'll visit one of those shops, buy a few things. So please…forgive me?"

"You're doing the right thing," her response was automatic. She'd never put her own desires over the needs of their marriage, "You and she need to settle things. Just make certain that you don't let her dominate the conversation. You have valid thoughts, Pup. You deserve to have your side be heard, your needs met. Ok?"

He was smiling, she knew he was, "I love you, Kitten. There's never been a world where you've been anything but someone I trust and admire. I'll…I'll see you soon."

The line went dead before she could reply, _I love you, Shinji. I love you so fucking much._ Pocketing the phone, she looked to her workmates, "So, we were discussing this 'Activation Key'?" Her marriage was her marriage, her work was her work. She was a professional, and they could wait until it wasn't work time to discuss what she'd share of her marriage.

+++++ 14th Angel + 24: Friday (113)

"I am not okay with this," Kiyomi whispered adamantly. "You're asking me to allow you to travel to an unknown destination without appropriate protection. If _anything_ happens to you, my commission is the least of the things I'd lose." Standing before Hikari, and aware that Rose was nearby just shifted to not be visible to the outside world, the Captain of Shinji's Guard stood her ground, "I don't care what approvals you have, I can't let this go unchallenged."

"I'll be with her for the journey," Rose sighed. "I'm not belittling your unit, Captain, but you don't have anything close to what I can field. If this goes sideways, I'll be able to respond in force. If you follow us there, you might figure out where Shinji is. If you figure out where Shinji is, one of your people might be pressured into revealing it. If they reveal it, and someone visits him, I'll be forced to murder everyone. Isn't it much better to just trust me? It'll save lives."

"Nanako-san is bringing people she trusts as well," Hikari added in firm tones. "The Shirakami are not impotent, Kiyomi-san. I will be well guarded, and Misato-san has agreed that if Shinji needs me, my place is by his side." Spying the convoy approaching, she gestured to the vehicles as they stopped for inspection, "Armored, armed, and every bit as dangerous as your team. Between them and Rose-chan, I'll have what I need."

The solid officer scowled, "Take me with you, then. You know I won't report his whereabouts. I'll ride along as a military advisor, and if someone attacks I can call in assets and coordinate a defense with the JSSDF and UN forces in the area." She looked pleadingly at Hikari, "This is my _duty_ , Hikari-san. Would you ask your husband to not do his? My sense of honor is no less, and I owe him nothing less than my absolute best."

Considering the taller woman for a moment, the freckle-faced leader contemplated the last statement. It was true that the woman knew far more than even her superiors did. That no one had shown up asking to speak to the 'alien' spoke of her integrity. She wasn't asking to come into the cabin, nor had she once indicated a desire to know 'why' the trip was happening. Her complaints all circled around the very valid fear that someone might attack one of the women Shinji would destroy nations for. "You have five minutes to gather your gear. If the Shirakami find anything that might allow you to be tracked, it will be left behind. If you sneak anything past them, I will make certain your entire unit is banished from the prefecture."

Kiyomi nodded once, then turned and jogged towards her unit's supply officer to begin arming herself with what she would need. She had won a compromise, and had to organize both a potential response and those forces staying in the rear to protect the Manor in her absence.

"My people will keep an eye on any surveillance drones," Rose whispered quietly. "Colonel Katsuragi promised that she wouldn't task any, but none of us should be daft enough to believe her the only person with access to them."

"If I ask you to," Hikari waited for Nanako and Gen to finish turning the convoy around, "would you kill whoever is responsible for ruining my chances at bringing my husband home again?"

She felt Rose's hand alight on her arm, "Our, [Song]. He belongs to both of us, until he says he does not."

"You're right." Chastising herself mentally, she tried to relax as Nanako walked over to greet her. The powerful club owner radiated a motherly vibe as she approached, "Thank you for coming on such short notice, Auntie Nanako."

"Anything for my family, Hikari-chan," stepping into a hug, she soothed the young woman's fears and back at the same time. "You look radiant."

"Hopefully I also look sorry," Hikari added with a sigh. "All of this is my fault, and the fact that he's allowing me to come up and visit him could very easily be meaningless if I don't get him to understand that I know I made a massive mistake."

Settling back, Nanako raised one eyebrow sternly, "He is not that kind of a man, and you know it. He loves you. His pain is as deep as it is because the mistake was made by one who has as much of his love as you do. Contrition is all good and well, but if you beat yourself about it he won't relax enough to be honest."

"We're ready," Gen announced from further back, Kiyomi armed and ready at his side. "Are we taking the good Captain with us, Hikari-chan?"

"Check her for things that might give away our destination," Hikari called back. "I agreed to bring her with us, in case we need to coordinate with the military."

Nanako took her arm, and walked her around the pair of female Shirakami that had trotted over to perform a professional inspection of the lady officer and her gear, "A wise precaution. I shudder to think of what Shinji would do should someone harm you, sweetie. He's not quick to anger, which speaks well of him, but his anger runs deep. My life would likely not be penance enough for failing to protect you."

"He loves you too, Nanako-san," Hikari remembered the way Shinji had mentioned the woman. There was a history, or a future, involved. "He doesn't want _anyone_ harmed. So, let's be safe on our way shall we?"

+++++ 14th Angel + 24: Friday (113)

"I am not upset with you, dear heart," Suzuka's heart was, on the contrary, full. The man she loved was not falsely apologizing in an effort to save face, Shinji was genuinely concerned that she might feel he was unfulfilled by her presence and was taking steps to clarify everything. That such clarification had involved what could only be described as desperate sex in the shower, full of hunger and passion, was both touching and a welcome change from how past apologies from her former husbands had gone.

Shinji, now dressed in clothing that suited both his station and his tastes, fretted still, "I'm…I'm nervous. Everyone can tell me all they want that they agreed to this, that they don't feel I'm being misleading, that they're perfectly willing to share not only me, but everyone else in the house, but…."

"My love," taking his cheeks in her hands, she forced him to look her in the eye, "should you decide, after meeting with Hikari-chan, that you cannot do what she asks of you, I will remain. Should you decide that we must limit the number of women who participate in our lives, I will remain. Should you decide to open your heart, to take the risks and reap the rewards, I will remain." Kissing him gently, she sent him all of the love she had to give, _I am yours, Shinji Ikari. You are taking the right steps to regain control over your life. Do not fear losing me, for I fear not losing you._

Returning the kiss eagerly, he found himself falling back into the urge to move to a bed, _We should stop…or I'm going to have to shower again._ As they both chose to linger, he realized she was forcing him to act. It was underhanded, it was devious, it was…absolutely delicious to feel her against him. Stepping back, he caught pride in her eyes before her mask fell into place, "Cheater."

"All is fair in love and war, dear heart," readjusting her robes, she resumed her bearing as a swordswoman. "I share you, as I have said I would. That does not, however, forbid me from claiming my due…from time to time." Rubbing her stomach, an odd look crossed her face, "I had thought my hunger sated. 'Twas a good breakfast, though perhaps insufficient." As he moved towards the kitchen, she waved him off, "I am capable of locating my own meals, husband. Maintain your vigil, and calm your mind. Your wife will require your focus, as her own heart be not as steady."

He knew her speech was reverting to its more traditional roots in an effort to place some needed distance between them. They had let their guard down, alone, and taken more than comfort in one another's presence. With the addition of Hikari, however, there was a need to feel out the situation. Someday, she might relax around Hikari as well, but 'someday' was not today. Watching her walk to the kitchen, the slight sway to her hips indicating that she knew he was watching, Shinji couldn't help himself. _I hate to see you go, but I love to watch you leave._ When she reached the doorframe, turned to gaze lovingly over her shoulder and hitched her eyebrows suggestively, his nerves jangled into place. He was loved. He had value. Now…he had to demonstrate that he understood both to be true.

+++++ 14th Angel + 24: Friday (113)

Hikari had not been a passenger in many vehicles such as the one Nanako had selected. With bench-style seats along the two walls of the mix between a van and an SUV, she was forced to watch out the front windshield to see anything due to the lack of windows behind the passengers. Sitting before her was Captain Honda, the well-trained officer observing her surroundings while remaining at ease. To her side was Rose, the only other passenger on her bench. Across from Rose, and only present should the need for violence arise, was a heavily muscled middle-aged woman that she'd never met before.

As the convoy turned from the highway onto an unpaved forest road, Hikari pondered how far she might have to walk to get to the cabin. She hadn't worn shoes intended for long walks, the need to look as beautiful as possible overshadowing the need to be comfortable in getting there. Her aunt was an excellent driver, despite not seeming to be of an appropriate size to manipulate the vehicle, and minimized the amount her passengers were tossed around. Thinking to herself that she would need to exit on the side opposite from Shinji to correct her clothing, she felt a strange tingle in the back of her mind growing.

 _Oh,_ Rose reached over and patted Hikari's knee, _he's recovered at least that much._

 _The way that this works is beyond odd,_ the Class Rep sighed. _I hope it doesn't cause problems._

 _Calm, little one. He asked you to visit so that you could speak. If you panic and revert to taking command, you'll scare him off. If you don't give him any guidance at all, you'll scare him off._ Tightening her grip, she exuded confidence, _You can do this. Listen, absorb, and understand. You don't have to believe everything he says, or even trust that he's right in everything he says. You have the right to doubt, to think differently, and to tell him as much. But you have the responsibility to hear him out._ _Your penance is appropriate, perhaps that's your starting point?_

Glad that she could now strategize without letting those not 'in the know' think she was addled, Hikari flexed her hands to work loose her jitters, _That's an idea. I need to start with an apology. He has to understand that this isn't his fault, and that I pushed him into this._

 _Good plan, make sure that he knows you demand your honor be maintained. If he tries to deflect your blame, you need to be adamant._ Rose's hand vanished, necessary to help her balance as the car began to take sharp turns, _He's changed. But at heart, we can only hope he's still the man we love._

 _Exactly._ There was a growing sense of her husband's presence in the back of her mind, _I think we're getting close._

 _We are._ The pink-skinned captain sighed, _I need to leave. I owe my people their honor too. I'll be in touch, should the need arise, but he hasn't called me to account yet. Bring him home as soon as you can, Hikari. Remember, you too are loved._

She became curious as to how her housemate left the vehicle, in motion, and without leaving through any of the doors. However, Hikari left the mystery alone for the moment as Gen called out over the radio, "All points, spread out and establish perimeter. No mistakes, my friends. The Duke Ikari does not wish to see any but those he has summoned."

She was here.

+++++ Author's Notes:

JaceSterne:

RE: Senshi

Logically, the Outer Senshi (which never made sense to me, because Jupiter is not an 'inner' planet, but I'm not the creator and they set canon) had to be present in some form already. Will they receive attention in the story? That I can't say. Won't? Either way.

RE: Taboos

It's all fun and games until someone messes with spacetime. Then it's just fun.

RE: Amethyst

That's a theory. Though, I would point out what Lilith called Eve when the two spoke earlier in the story.

RE: God and Creation

That's a whole bundle of sticks to itself. The varying (sometimes vaguely) Judeo-Christian references in NGE proper allow me a hilarious amount of latitude in crafting a story of this style. What _was_ vague allegory and reference is now in many ways explicit. Lilith is an animate character with motivations and history. Adam has spent time explaining his own motivations and fears. Eve has shown up to begin her story. With tens of thousands of years between Tony Banks, Mike Rutherford, Peter Gabriel, Anthony Phillips, and Chris Stewart collaborating (look it up) and Shinji Ikari jumping in Unit-01, the chances of the story being mixed up a bit grew exponentially higher. The base question of what _is_ "God" as we know the concept brings in the rest of the crew. If there is a Lucifer, is there also a Beelzebub? A Sammael? A Michael? How many of the beings written down have a presence in the vastness of the finite cosmos (remember, it can't be infinite if the Judges laid out a boundary), and how many are instead misunderstandings or creations from whole cloth? I find myself with an enormous toybox to play with, the curiosity as an author is how many toys do I field before my playmates lose interest.

RE: Prophecy

I was inspired as a young man by David Eddings seminal work "The Belgariad and The Mallorean". I loved how he used tropes as the tools they are in crafting his stories, and especially how he had the voice in Garion's head frequently snark about how so much of the prophecies that drove the conflict between "Us" and "Them" had to be processed through unreliable narrators. Madmen barking at the moon, only to occasionally state something meaningful. Their reasoning was simple: if everyone knew when and where the prophesized event was to occur, _everyone would be there._ So prophecy remains vague, because otherwise it's useless to the people who need it most.

RE: Hikari

As we often are, she was her own worst enemy. Problem is, she's not her _only_ enemy.

TheHiddenLettuce:

RE: Hikari

That's a very fair statement. Many people would, and would be valid in so doing, believe that Hikari was the cause for Shinji's suffering. That her pushing him forced everything to where it is. Your view that if Shinji and Maya were alone that everything would be better is also fair. It's possible that, in another story I've written that I haven't published here, Maya and Shinji overcome the odds and develop into a long-lasting marriage that cures his ills. One of the people I speak to often about my story as I'm writing it has a sticker she's fashioned that reads "Maya/Suzuka 2020" because she's tired of Hikari's nonsense, though she feels the other story was boring because everything turned out fine all the time.

I would say I view the matter differently, but as the author I have a bit more information and a different worldview than many other (equally valid) worldviews.

RE: Shinji

As I said in the character notes on an earlier chapter, he's over 220 cm (post-Zeruel), with broad shoulders and a chiseled form. Thick, proportionate, muscles. Not "show" or "glamour" muscles, but the kind that actually get used to engage in combat with. When I think of him, I see the "heroic inverted triangle", with broad shoulders narrowing down to a strong waist and hips, and thick, powerful, legs. Broly is too muscly, Zaraki is too lean. I'm sorry, but I really do lack a one-to-one comparison for him. He exists in my head, and if I had steadier hands I'd try to sketch him out, but an essential tremor from too many years behind heavy weaponry tossed that career aside.

Starfire99:

I'm not commenting on your intelligence, or lack thereof. My comments were, and remain, that the answers are in the story.

SK:

RE: Sailor Moon

A world with them in it would have been much different for Shinji, wouldn't it have?

RE: Makoto

It's probably just me, but I feel so many people ignore her when speaking about the Senshi. It was what inspired me to bring in my own penchant for frowning when I see an ill-kept cemetery to the story. We exist because of those before us, and one day will join them in existing only as memories that fade and whatever markers those after us leave for us. A little care wouldn't be remiss.

RE: Usagi

I should get a bumper sticker of "WWUD" with her sigil, just to confuse people.

Ghost Man:

Welcome to the story. Thank you for taking the time to read it.

RE: Toji

Oh, man. I still feel bad for what I did to him. It wasn't personal, but it was necessary in the grand scheme of things.

RE: Hikari

"Best" is relative.

RE: Extra thought

Analysis paralysis has struck me more than once.

RE: Kodama

The original treatment had her _much_ different. She does change, from the start of the story, but all my characters do.

RE: Nozomi

I miss writing her. She made me happy.

RE: Gendo

He, like most all of my characters, is not so nearly as one-dimensional as many authors prefer. I have no "villains", I just have characters with bad PR teams.

RE: Toshiro

Another character I miss writing. But, he would have made everything too easy for Shinji, and we can't have that.

RE: Shirakami

They're a hybrid of a number of tropes. Ultimately, they're an organization of like-minded individuals who wish to ensure that humanity doesn't fall through any gaps. Laws are sometimes too strict, and 'bad people' sometimes need punishment that the law can't provide. I wouldn't call it Yakuza, but I wouldn't shy away from certain comparisons.

chuckieum:

RE: Prophets

I felt terrible because I noticed your review right after I uploaded the chapter. I try very hard to comment on all reviews where appropriate, and your longform reviews usually have some good insight and room for commentary. It was hilarious timing leading to great tragedy.

RE: Author's Notes

I try to balance the desire to explain myself, which I'd never stop doing if left to my own devices, and letting the audience find those details. To that end, I've intentionally tended towards letting the audience discover things, because I know me well enough to know I'd never get this story moving if I just endlessly reread things to point out the specific details I've laced throughout the tapestry. It's shameful, but I kind of like my story. Reading segments from time to time reminds me of how far I've come not only as an author, but as a fan of the works I reference. (Nobody commented on the Full Metal Alchemist reference, and that still hurts.)

RE: Predictions

A great many of you are excellent at predicting things. To the point where I've worried that my notes are posted somewhere for everyone to read! I promise, though, I don't change things just to spite those predictions. I own up to the fact that I'm not Christie or Doyle, and have probably foreshadowed things way too distinctly. (Thank you for the compliment on the Showing and Telling. That's a skill I'm still working on, and I'm glad it's showing.)

RE: Responses

In an effort to avoid spoilers, I try not to even comment that things are spoilers when discussing them. Shinji and Yui, as an example, isn't as big a theme in my story as it is in many (most?) NGE stories. Parental abandonment, however, _is_ a major theme here. Problem is, Shinji has a living repository for all his anger on that front. Yui gets a pass, because she's not in front of him waiting for her head to be punched into orbit around Ceres.


	112. Chapter 112

+++++ 14th Angel + 24: Friday (113)

Watching the heavily armored vehicle rumble up to the front of the house, Shinji waited patiently at the porch. His role in everything had been made clear by Suzuka. He was receiving a penitent, he had been wronged, he was not to step off his perch and lower himself to receive anyone. Hikari, as a supplicant, would present herself of her own accord or not at all. Greeting and entertaining Gen and Nanako was his weapon's duty, and would free him to speak to his wife alone.

It went against everything he felt right, but the reasoning was sound. He _had_ been wronged. He _had_ been injured. The world had nearly suffered terribly because Hikari Ikari did not seek consensus or advice from anyone else that would have been impacted by Shinji's act. She had pressured him into capitulating, not by withholding love, but by smothering him in it. His anger with her was valid, and it required tending.

Another discovery arrived in the form of an awareness of the people in the vehicle. He was hearing songs again, if distantly. "Captain Honda came with them," he murmured to Suzuka.

"Overcautious," the swordswoman agreed. "Though, perhaps, reasonably so. You are, in their mind, one mistake on their part away from no longer worrying overmuch about the rest of humankind. Delivering what they believe to be the most important human, aside from yourself, safely would be a task she would not wish to trust to anyone but her own team. A compromise, perhaps?"

"Not now, I need to speak to Hikari. Maybe later tonight," the deadpan nature of his response caused her to cough a laugh out.

"We might have erred in choosing that word," she said by way of farewell. Descending the stairs, she set off to greet Nanako and Gen, purposefully ignoring Hikari. What the young woman she'd helped raise did from this point was on that young woman alone.

Rounding the back of the vehicle, having exited through the rear, came the woman who'd brought Light into his world. The woman who'd brought pain immeasurable. The woman who calmed him like no other. The woman who he'd never see the same way again. Wearing a long denim dress, the kind she knew he adored, with her hair held back by a handkerchief, the one he'd borrowed from her to stop his eye from bleeding, and shoes that accented the color of his eyes when they first met, Hikari Ikari reminded him of who she was by reminding him of where they'd come from in less than four short months that felt like lifetimes.

It hurt him inside to stand still as she slowly crossed the courtyard. She was alone. She was unattended. She was vulnerable. His place was at her side, shielding her from the world. He was abdicating his duty by standing there as if he were better than her. He was…. He was asserting his rights. He was an autonomous, independent, being who had given everyone else the freedom to do what they would. He had promised anything, trusting her to not abuse that offer. For his sin, he now had to absorb the evils of every reality to ever exist.

When she stopped before the steps leading to the cabin, her eyes told him everything that her song had already shared. She loved him, she loathed herself. She had failed both. "I am sorry," she began without preamble, "for forcing you to view reality as I do. For not trusting that you would one day be ready to pick that burden up of your own free will. For gifting you the terrible visions of my indefensible failures as a woman, as a human, and worst of all, as your wife. I am sorry for pushing you to accept other women into our lives, without regard for your personal needs or desires. For not explaining or expounding upon my reasons, or seeking to build a consensus between you and I. For acting as if I was the sole arbiter of what it meant for you to be happy. Whatever punishment you deem necessary, I will accept. Whatever agreements we had before, regarding our relationship, are now nullified. I throw myself, and the future of our household, upon your mercy." She hesitated, then amended, "Whatever decisions you make…please, do not punish Maya. She bears no guilt for my childish arrogance."

There was no lie in her song. She was truly sorry, meant what she said when she nullified their 'deal'…and truly hated herself. "I am sorry that I did not see how deeply you despised yourself," he responded quietly, not wanting his voice to carry to the others who couldn't have helped but hear her apology. "As your husband…that is a terrible sin." Turning to the side, he offered her shelter, "Please, come inside. Let's talk."

As she walked past him, he wanted to pull her into an embrace. The way she smelled of lavender, the way her entire body screamed of the pain she felt at his suffering, the curves of her body, the essence that was her mind. As terrible as her actions had been, he wanted to forgive her right then and there. He wanted to beg her to understand that he loved her. …He wanted to go back to being a servant. A doll. Holding himself firm, he waited for her to enter, then walked inside and closed the door behind him. Whatever happened next, it would be of no one's business but the two of them.

+++++ 14th Angel + 24: Friday (113)

Setting down her favorite tea before her, he acted as a host should. Gave her access to flavor everything herself, and settled the kettle where she could reach it. The first cup was his responsibility, after that it was her own. Seating his bulk in the chair across from the sofa he'd placed her at, he considered her idly. Her demeanor hadn't changed, she was still distant and remorseful. She knew, as well as he did, that he had not accepted her apology. He knew, as well as she did, that such wounds were not easily forgiven and were rarely forgotten.

"Thank you," she hadn't touched the cup, noting that he hadn't taken one for himself.

"Which would you prefer to discuss first?" She was allowing him to take the lead. He, counter to type, accepted that it was his responsibility to guide this towards whatever destination lay waiting at the end, "What I missed the past few weeks of everyone's lives, or trillions upon trillions of lives crammed into my mind?" Clasping his hands on his lap, he clarified, "That is not a rebuke, by the by. I am genuinely worried about the lives of everyone, and am interested to know what I missed."

"There's not much to say," Hikari shrugged. "Sakura-chan and Nozomi-chan miss you terribly. Kelly-san and Kodama have been more or less by themselves save for meals and the occasional trip outside for some sun. Tsuru-chan and Yang-chan have worked to keep me from becoming an even bigger bitch than I am. Our wife only returned after fifteen days because you woke up and fled further abuse at our hands. I did not comport myself admirably, and have only recently begun to pull my head out of my ass long enough to realize I was acting childishly." She smiled, self-deprecation hanging from her as she showed her fingernails, "We've been engaging in 'girly' things, trying to restore our confidence in one another."

Pointing to her pinky, he declared, "Tsuru," her ring finger, "Yang," and then her middle finger, "you." As her index finger remained lacquered, and uncolored, he let half of his mouth curl into a sad grin, "Because I'm 'missing'."

Settling her hands back down onto her lap, she looked to the floor, "I miss you, my love. I miss you more than words could possibly express." Unable to stop herself, she let momentum carry her forward, "I see…I _feel_ lives where I do terrible things to you. Where I abuse your trust beyond any possible redemption. Each time because I'm trying to be everything you need, because I'm foolish enough to think that I alone can give you the peace and serenity that you deserve." Lifting her eyes to look at him, she allowed the anger she felt at herself to shine through, "I don't allow you to have close relationships with other women. I keep you all to myself and try to mold you into the man that _I_ see, and not the man that stands before me. I let you spoil me, lavish me with love and affection, praise my glories, dedicate your entire being to me and me alone. I _ruin_ what you are, by enabling the manner in which you demean yourself. And then, once I'm dissatisfied with the lack of _spine_ I cultivated, I let myself be swept off my feet by some womanizing jerk who pretends to be your friend. Because you weren't allowed to be yourself, and I was too stupid to realize what I had."

"It is…more complicated than that," Shinji shook his head. "I have a responsibility to myself, too. I have an obligation to not let you do what it is you see yourself doing. In essence, I too am broken." He held up his hand to silence her retort, "Did I seek help? Did I reach out to someone we could both trust, and ask them to explain to you what your actions were doing before it led to infidelity? Yes, those other versions of you made terrible decisions. Yes, I will always remember watching you do these things. To paraphrase a woman wiser than either of us…they aren't you. These other Shinji, they're not me. I have watched worlds burn. I have fought undead hordes. I have held Ayanami-chan as she gave birth to our son, and I have held Asuka as she died trying to give our daughter life. I am I, I am not them. You, Hikari…are you. I may be unhappy with those other you, but I am _livid_ at our inability to actually find a balance."

She leaned forward, "But I see myself-"

"I have fucked Nanako-chan," he snapped. "I have bent her over the back of our couch and made her scream in ecstasy. That is my friend's _wife_ , Hikari." Lowering his voice to a more sedate level, he tried to regain control of his anger, "In that world…she was my wife. She was the one to try and stop me from suffering, just as her cousin saved her. I will forever have the memory of her calling my name, begging me to keep going. Every time I look at her, Hikari. Every. Time." He felt the arm of the seat begin to buckle under his grip, and relaxed his hand, "So believe me when I say I understand. We were not meant to have this curse, and neither of us will long survive it unless we learn to ignore it."

"It's my fault, Shinji. You didn't need to see these things," she had to make him understand.

"No, I didn't. Or," he shrugged, "maybe I did. Maybe this was all so that I would understand how you see the world. How horrible your mind can be to you. Maybe, for my own hubris, I needed to be punished for not noticing how much pain my wife was in that she _needed_ to bring in others to what should have been a union of two…or three, souls." His eyes softened momentarily, "I doubt either of us is willing to say we don't adore Maya dearly."

"She has been a great comfort," Hikari agreed after a moment. "She has a temper worse than yours, though."

"She has greater control over it than either of us," he corrected her.

She nodded, "Agreed." Gathering her fingers into fists, she tried to stop herself from continuing to steer the conversation, "You have every right to feel the way you do. I disagree, and feel that I am to blame entirely. However, if you feel you share any of the blame, I want you to know that I forgive you for what you think you have done."

The progress made in that simple statement calmed his rage, allowing him clarity to remember his path, "Why do you need women around us, Hikari? I…am not unwilling to share," his memories of the Sailors reminded him of that, "but I need to know _why_."

"To stop me from being terrible. Or to help us survive tragedy." Settling back, she recited the list she'd prepared for this contingency, "Maya was necessary because she stops us from being idiots. Yang because she stops me from hurting everyone around me when you need to disappear for a month," she motioned for patience, "for valid reasons. Tsuru because she stops the world from running you in circles trying to stop false 'prophets' from claiming to speak for you."

All three made sense, "And Kodama?"

"She falls apart without you, Shinji," Hikari's voice became small. "That's my _sister_. Don't make me bury my sister, even if you're the balm for that wound."

The memory of Kodama's thoughts, often repeated aloud where she thought he couldn't hear them, forced him to nod, "Is that all?"

Her hair shifted slightly as she shook her head, "She does help, she saves our baby after Maya gives birth. A number of futures revolve around that point, and I don't ever want to think to myself that if I had just let my sister love my husband, that if I had just shared the love you have…that I'd be able to hold our daughter and celebrate her life."

He worked his thumb against the palm of his opposing hand, familiar with the kind of pain she described, "What if we limited it to them, and them alone?"

"If you ask me, I'll send them all away, Shinji," her song spoke of the truth of her statement. "I will face whatever terrible futures await us, if that is what you ask of me."

She hadn't answered his question, which meant there was more to learn, "Misato?"

"If we leave Earth, she stops Rose from…eating something, I'm sorry I can't tell you what," she apologized.

She was being honest, so he continued, "Ritsuko?"

Her answer made sense, "Even my sister can't provide medical care for herself, and Maya only knows so much. She protects them, while they work together to protect her."

"I see," settling back in his own seat, he looked to the side and rested his chin on his fist, with his elbow on the armrest.

The silence stretched for a few minutes, before Hikari allowed curiosity to overcome caution, "You didn't ask about Suzuka."

His eyes shifted to her, "She's not negotiable." When his wife looked down, he resumed his observation of the wall that blocked his view of the manor house many kilometers away. The term he used made sense, what they were doing was a negotiation. Which, ultimately, was why he was so angry. He had been handed terms of engagement, and told to suck up and deal. Many men might be overjoyed to have so many wonderful women surrounding him. _Many men are fools._

Her eyes remaining on the floor, Hikari responded vehemently, "Too many, my love."

He couldn't keep a smirk from his face, the reminder that she heard his thoughts timely. "Do you remember the letter from Rei Hino?" Keeping his gaze averted, he heard her small sound of recognition. "Suzuka 'acts as a shadow upon my light'. She is the woman Rei-chan meant, and she is therefore necessary to my sanity. I don't intend to add a whole host of women, Hikari. Suzuka, perhaps a few others eventually once things have settled down."

She nodded, "The agents?"

"I don't know how we feel about one another, although Nicolette feels she loves me," he admitted. "They're wonderful people, who I know I love. But do I _love_ them? Will they play well with those _we_ feel we must have around?" He shrugged as she looked at him, "If they truly love me, they can wait for us to determine the truth of things. If they truly love me, they'll understand if I say that I won't share myself with them if they can't agree to the rules we decide as a family, all of us not just the two of us."

The way he phrased his statement gave her a bit of hope, "Kelly?"

"The same answer. She's not leaving, but that doesn't mean she needs to find her way into our bed." He had confidence that the Irishwoman knew her own mind better than he did, their lives together had always borne that out.

"…Asuka?"

"If I knew that answer, I'm almost positive that I'd qualify to be institutionalized," he laughed. "She's never what I think she is, even in those lives where she and I have married. She hates you, or she loves you. She fights to keep me away from you, or she fights me to keep you as a friend despite you hating me. Asuka will decide what she wants, and I will hear her out. After the way she's been treated, I owe her that."

Her curiosities had been addressed, which left one important point untouched, "What…about me?"

"That depends," he loved her…but he needed to put limitations on himself if he was ever going to know peace.

She could feel his hesitation, "On?"

"Several things. You need to stop Nozomi from pursuing me romantically," she needed a burden. Something she felt was punishment. He knew her mind well enough to know that she didn't like hurting others without being hurt in return, and this would allow her to show her earnest desire to help him. "I _don't_ see her that way. In every future where she pushed me into things, I was miserable. She is my…." Settling his bulk forward, "Hikari…she's my daughter. When Toshiro died, I swore I'd protect his children. You and Kodama, I can't see as daughters. Especially since I've seen you screaming my name already. Little Nozomi-chan? I'll do anything for her, Hikari. _Anything_. Stop her from pushing me towards proving that. I don't want to hate myself any more than I already do for the rest of a _very_ long life."

Her eyes blinked rapidly, understanding how Shinji felt about the matter from the way he framed it, "I…understand. I understand."

"You asked me once, a long time ago, to step up as a leader, Hikari," he continued on, taking her at her word. "That there would be times you would need me to take the lead in our relationship. Yet every time I tried, on an issue terribly important to me, you refused to yield. I've held myself back, in school, allowing you your due as Class Representative. I've held myself back in the house, ceding to you and Maya the direction we've taken."

"…So why are you allowing me to take the lead now?" She could see him fumbling towards something, and wanted to help him get there, "Shinji, I mean what I say. If you want me to toss everyone else out of the house, I will. You are what's most important, Shinji. You."

"I promised them shelter," he scowled, irritated at both the interruption and his inability to put into words his own feelings. "I can't just take that away from them. I don't know if I love them, but I know that I do care for them a great deal."

"But you're not telling me exactly what you want, either," she didn't feel that he'd be harmed by her showing a little leadership. "A leader has to set clear goals, things that they expect people to work towards. Do you want just Suzuka? I'm serious when I say that I'm _asking_ you, Shinji. Please, don't make me toss my sister out. But…I will, if that's what it takes to keep you by my side."

His roar was accompanied by him slamming his fist on the armrest, shattering it, "I want everyone to be happy!" Standing violently, he knocked the chair across the room, "I want them to stay alive! I want them to find joy and meaning!" His eye had begun to blaze with azure flames as he growled out the truth as he saw it, "But every future I've seen…it's only possible if I suffer." Anger had not yet gained control over him, but his frustration mounted, "Either I stretch myself thin, or I let people be miserable, Hikari. I don't _get_ to be happy."

"That's not your job," she protested, standing up herself and planting her fists on her hips. "Your job is to make your wives happy, and your wives are the people you say they are! Our job is to make you happy, and I failed at that too!" Stamping her foot, she reminded him that her anger was also a force to be reckoned with, "Damn it, Shinji, tell me what you want! If we end up miserable at times because we take your path, I'm not going to blame you for it! I'll have you at my side!"

"But you do," he tapped the left side of his head. "Every time. 'Shinji, you said we should move to Okinawa.' 'Shinji, you said we should have two kids.' 'Shinji, you said you were fine not going to college.' I'm stuck with all of this damn noise, Hikari. I can't hear myself think for your voice telling me I'm a damn failure!"

"Then listen to me tell you that you're not to blame instead," she pointed at him. "Tell me, right now, what you want!"

"You want to know? Fine!" He held up his fist and raised a finger with each name, "You, Maya, Suzuka, Kodama, Rose." With a full spread of fingers, he tossed his hand away, "No more. Not for at least long enough to come to grips with my own damn mind."

She froze, "But…."

"But what, Hikari?" He tossed his other hand out, "If they love me, they'll wait for me to figure out what it is that I want. If they don't love me that much, they'll find someone they do love. That, in my mind, is a far better thing!" Letting the one hand fall, he held the other out to indicate the woman before him, "In all of the futures you saw, you never once mentioned anything about them needing to be our _lovers_ to be of help. I'm not asking for them to not be our _friends_ , Hikari. If they become more than that, fine. But it needs to be because everyone wanted it, _including me_."

"No," she shook her head, "but what about Lily?" Frowning, she gestured to his chest, "What about the rest of them?" Stepping around the table, she placed herself before him, "Shinji, we can't forget about them. They've fought hard for you, they're a part of you. We can't just cut them out of everything, can we? It's not like they're taking up the waking moments of our time together, you can see them when we're all asleep!"

His anger guttered, robbed of its target as she proved herself true to her word, "Lilith…is not our ally." He watched the confusion on her face for a moment, trying to order his thoughts, "And I can't contact anyone inside of my soul."

+++++ 14th Angel + 24: Friday (113)

Hikari sat on the couch after Shinji finished explaining everything that had happened from the moment he had killed Zeruel. Her husband, a title she was beyond grateful he still desired, had gone into his room to settle himself down. The stories of his own experiences he had shared tore at her, especially those involving their fallen allies. He was not himself aware, as was often true, of his own emotions but watching him smile as he spoke of Noelle holding his daughter caused her to begin to cry. She had seen herself choose terrible paths. In her opinion, he had it far worse. He had been given gifts beyond measure, only to have them slapped away and broken into pieces.

The woman that had brought him to her world had reclaimed her soul, she knew that had happened. It did not prove her evil, only inclined towards focusing on herself over others. But to kill a defenseless woman? She knew where Shinji was, stuck in Unit-01, and said nothing? Hikari wasn't surprised that Lilith wanted to have sex with Shinji, she was a female that was interested in males. As disgusted as Shinji was with himself for the memory, she knew fully well that Nanako found him very attractive. It was a mark in the woman's favor that her thoughts would never become actions. So many questions arose from this new bit of knowledge, not the least of which being, where was the Second Angel?

The door opening only vaguely registered, the footsteps crossing towards her far too familiar to doubt the woman who approached. Once Suzuka was close enough that Hikari didn't have to raise her voice, she spoke without much emotion, her gaze still on the cup of tea she'd not yet touched, "I am a lucky woman."

"I do remember indicating such," taking the non-destroyed chair, the willowy warrior sat herself down to lay out her own points. "Before we return to the manor, I believe I need to make certain realities clear."

"Suzuka Ikari is a lovely name," the younger woman glanced up at her husband's latest wife. "I am glad that he offered it."

"My thanks. Hikari Ikari sounds ridiculous," the eternal woman smiled politely. "Though one hopes you might yet grow into it."

She raised no defense, "I am sorry."

"I do not believe you sorry enough," Suzuka stated bluntly. "Were it my decision, you would find yourself returned to Hikari Horaki. I would see you sent elsewhere, in the hopes that you might remember the teachings Toshiro Horaki attempted to impart. The teachings the woman I loved more than any but the man in the room behind me failed to impart. She often told your father what to do, Hikari-chan. The difference being, he was strong enough in himself to not listen when he did not feel it appropriate to."

"I failed," she agreed simply.

"That stops now." Suzuka's eyes were cold steel, "My husband will not suffer the erratic whims of an anxiety-prone child. You shall learn to control your visions, to control your impulsiveness, and to control your temper, or I shall control them for you."

"Our husband," Hikari retorted. "You do not hold exclusive rights to him, Suzuka. My wife has her own claim, as does my sister, and Rose as well. I am not foolish enough to disagree with you, I need to find a way to control myself, but I will not allow you to dominate him or his time."

"Nor I you," she replied simply. Wincing, she rubbed at her side.

As irritated as she was at being spoken to like she was five again, Hikari was neither stupid enough to disagree when she was lucky to be still married, nor cruel enough to ignore what was clearly bothering a woman she'd long admired, "Are you ok?"

"It is of no moment." Turning her frown lower several notches, she inclined her head politely, "Though I appreciate your concern."

"…He is not the only one who loves you, Suzuka." Returning to her contemplation of the teacup, she let the statement stand on its own.

Suzuka was not done with her yet, "Nor he the only to love you, Hikari-chan. You know me well enough to know that I do not become this irate with those that do not matter enough to bother with. I am disappointed, and will likely remain so for some time. I am not, however, unwilling to see you grow past this foolheadedness."

Hikari snorted, "Just not as his wife?"

"A distinction I would have you earn," she clarified. "A few years away from him, that you might come to appreciate the gift you have received, would do wonders for you. If nothing else, it might allow you to see for yourself your willingness to sleep with random men."

The freckles on her face paled as she looked back up in righteous fury, "I will _not_ sleep with random men."

"Then why fret so over idle doldrums?" The four-hundred year old woman raised her eyebrow, unimpressed, "Do you believe yourself the only to think so poorly of themselves? I regret my third husband to this very day, honestly even more than I regret Suzuki-kun. Yet I still feel myself in control enough to not throw my legs open to another man just like him, despite having done just that once in my life already. I, unlike you, actually made mistakes involving sex. You, unlike me, fear those mistakes as possible anymore."

"You had a reason," Hikari guessed. "None of my visions give me a reason, beyond stupidity."

"Then perhaps they are not visions, but hallucinations, and should be given as much weight," Suzuka leaned forward, before wincing again.

"Ok, stop." Standing, Hikari once more rounded the table. This time, she crouched before the other woman, "Did you pull something fighting with Shinji? You two go at each other rather hard." Lightly running her fingers along Suzuka's side, she watched for any signs of discomfort, "Anything?"

"No," gently removing Hikari's hands, she held them in her own. "He and I fought but once, and for six hours struggled to gain advantage over the other. That was days ago, and not what I believe is causing the discomfort." Refocusing the conversation, she kept her eyes on the woman before her, "Let your other lives go. It is the same advice I have given him, the same advice that Hino-dono has given him. They have no power in this world but what you give them. The future is far too malleable to trust, and these same visions that see terrible fates have missed horrible ends. You did not see Ayanami-chan, or Minders-chan. You did not see this woman beheaded, nor Shinji lost to the tides of time. Control, Hikari-chan. Become the woman you once were, and ought to be again."

+++++ 14th Angel + 24: Friday (113)

Stepping outside of the cabin, the decision to go home made after sharing the reality of the situation regarding Lilith with Hikari, Shinji struggled to remain calm. He had already spoken with Nanako during the trip to the cemetery, and his level of comfort with her was where it had been. Her husband, a good and steady man in his own right, seemed to understand that there was something about his presence in particular that was increasing Shinji's distress and had begged off quickly to 'check in with the other vehicles'.

"I'm sorry, Nana-chan," Shinji whispered tersely, the club owner holding his hands and looking up at him with deep concern. "It's…I saw terrible things while I was asleep. Things that I can't un-see. Please," he worked his jaw before settling on the decision, "ask Suzuki, and Yumi-chan. Tell them I approved of them sharing. I can't, tonight."

"It's ok," the powerful businesswoman's smile warmed his heart. "You know that we trust you, Shinji. If Gen's ugly bald head is bothering you tonight, then it's bothering you tonight. If you were irritating him somehow, you'd make your excuses and leave just as fast. We're _family_ ," she stressed, "that means we take the good and the bad." Tipping her head towards the passenger seat, she winked, "Why don't you ride shotgun. My husband can take another of the cars home."

He shook his head, "I need to be in the back, keeping my wife from crawling out of her skin. You know she doesn't tolerate car rides well." The brief flash of confusion on Nanako's face before her eyes widened slightly reminded him that they hadn't officially announced anything, "Perhaps Captain Honda would prefer to ride up front, where she can have a better degree of tactical awareness."

From her position inside the hybrid vehicle, the military officer leaned out of the open hatch, "If the driver approves, Your Grace. I'm a liaison today."

"I don't mind at all, Captain," Nanako took the change in stride. "We'll empty out the back of the van, save for the Ikari family, and let them have some peace before they arrive home and kick up some new trouble for poor Shinji to handle."

Moving to help the Army officer down as his driver climbed into place, Shinji kept pushing himself to return to normalcy, "It's good to see you again, Kiyomi. Thank you, for keeping them safe while I was incapacitated."

"You did your duty, Shinji," the woman's smile was strained, her concern about the level of security she could see obvious. "I just made certain I did mine." Nodding, she moved to the front of the vehicle, fully intent on getting everyone back within the wire where she had confidence they'd be safe.

Turning, Shinji found an interesting dilemma before him. Hikari and Suzuka were standing nearby, allowing him to decide everything. He could seat only one first, and that decision would send a message to the other. With their bags loaded, and the only holdup being the three of them, he played a different card, "Let's get in. If we hurry, I can still make dinner before we have to send the little ones to bed." Waving them aboard, he left the decision in their hands. He had been informed that Rose was extracting her crew, and would meet them later at the manor.

Suzuka, only remaining outside to make certain that Hikari was protected, took the younger woman's arm and guided her onto the vehicle. "I would prefer to arrive safe and whole, Nanako-chan. Perhaps we should avoid 'hurry' and focus on 'steady'."

"She performed admirably on the ride here, Suzuka," Hikari assured the eternal woman. "It's only a touch bumpy on this dirt road, but you could hardly tell you were moving on the highways." She was impressed with Shinji's handling of the situation, if a touch hurt that he hadn't chosen to seat her himself. Still her pain was throttled by the self-loathing she experienced from hearing his tale of woe.

Taking one last look at the cabin as a crew of Shirakami remained behind to assess what needed to be done to restore it for the next potential guest, Shinji shook his head. There would never be peace for one such as him. The sooner he accepted that, the sooner he could adjust to it.

+++++ 14th Angel + 24: Friday (113)

Holding one hand, with Hikari holding the other, both 'young' adults attempted to comfort Suzuka as she struggled against her natural impulses to simply abandon the vehicle and trust to her own two feet. In her defense, both she and Shinji would make excellent time if they ran. Perhaps even beating the convoy, as their route would not require the twists and turns the highway system was forced to engage in. Both warriors, however, would not abandon Hikari and Nanako now that the decision had been made to return.

The convoy itself was making reasonably decent time, going in the opposite direction of the flow of traffic on a Friday evening. Overwatch had been established, a wing of fighters from the Fleet providing a friendly eye on their journey now that Shinji was returning home. Regular radio checks reported nothing odd, the vehicles were all performing well, and both of those should have been the first indication that something was about to happen to ruin everything.

A flash of insight struck Shinji an instant before he heard Overwatch call out the incoming. Instinctively summoning the protection of Sahaquiel over the entire convoy, he was only just able to prevent the projectile itself from impacting the head of the column, the shrapnel littered the road ahead causing them to shift lanes closer to the center of the highway. Digging his fingers into the metal wall of the vehicle as it swerved to a halt to avoid the erratic drivers around them, he acted as a living safety belt for his wives, "Report!" Eight more impacts on the shield, as well as twelve others destroying the bridge ahead and behind them, swallowed Kiyomi's initial response.

The radio, patched into the tactical network for the ride home, filled in the blanks, "Overwatch, this is Voodoo, I have eyes on the battery. Wizzo, you have- Break, break, break. Someone down there has a SAM!"

The second jet reported in, "Overwatch, Biscuit, that's a friendly battery. I recognize the framework as local, over."

A third salvo pummeled his defenses causing Hikari to begin to cry and setting his lip to twitching in irritation, "I'm going to tear off their heads."

Suzuka, facing combat, had overcome her fear of riding in the vehicle itself, "Can you hold the shield in place and attack?"

He heard the radio, and frowned at the message, "Convoy this is Overwatch. Interrogative: can you maintain that shield for another five minutes? We have active response inbound, but they need time, over."

Moving away from his wives, he retrieved the handheld device, "Negative, Overwatch, the supports beneath us are going to be their next target. I can't extend the shield that far down. I am engaging, wave off Voodoo and Biscuit, I don't want them caught in the fireworks, out." Tossing the radio back to Kiyomi, he kicked open the side hatch and hopped onto the road beneath him. Catching sight of the two jets banking hard away from a clearing on the far hill, he had his target.

Sheltered in the shadow of the forest, the sun to the back of the hill, it was the perfect spot to hide until they could strike. A part of him wondered how many people he was about to kill. He'd have to ask the team performing the BDA later. Dropping eight plumes of lightning onto the cluster of field cannons, he danced them around until he was confident that nothing organic might have survived. "Captain, could you ask our FORCAP to…." The sound of clapping drew his attention to the lead vehicle, and the young man standing there.

"Bra _vo_ ," with silvery hair and glowing red eyes, the seemingly good-natured man clapped and laughed happily. "Such command of my brothers and sisters. You truly do have an artist's touch, Shinji Ikari." Noticing the subtle shift in Shinji's posture he held up his finger, "Uh, uh, uh. If you and I fight here, how many of your friends will die? Isn't it better to just listen, to talk?"

Carefully moving to stand between 'Perfume' and the vehicle containing his family, Shinji worked his hands open and closed, "What do you want?"

"…To talk?" The frown that crossed his face seemed puzzled, "Am I not speaking Japanese? Wait…no, that was an invitation to tell you my scheme, wasn't it? Rather cliché, that. Regardless, no. I just want to talk."

"This is an odd way to start a conversation. Usually the shooting happens _after_ diplomacy has failed," Shinji began to assess the chances of crossing the distance against someone that might be as strong as him without losing the initiative, and didn't like what he came up with as an answer.

"Oh, this wasn't my doing," Perfume waved off towards the scene of devastation. "You can thank the Colonel in charge of your personal guard. He's on SEELE's payroll. Well, was. He's probably rather crispy right now." Waving a folder, he tossed it to one of the two Shirakami that had their guns aimed at him, "There's your proof."

Shinji couldn't help but frown, "Aren't you working for SEELE?"

"Don't be ridiculous," Perfume scoffed. "Those morons couldn't even keep themselves from engaging in petty crime for six months. Do you have any idea how many of their plots were broken up by the UNIGC simply because they ordered delivery from pizza parlors? I mean, simple basic OPSEC!" Waving away the topic, he laughed, "No, I'm something of a free agent now. Not that I ever was anything but, it's just a little more formalized now."

"Then why did you try to kidnap Kodama?" If he struck now, at least one of the Shirakami before him would die. "Why did you help them drug Noelle? Why implant a Scion in Asuka's head, _Tabris_?"

The young man shrugged, "I didn't, that drug wasn't meant for her, and because I couldn't allow Lilith to win. In order." Holding up a finger and making a gesture that indicated he understood Shinji's confusion, he elaborated, "The attempt to kidnap your lovely wife was hatched by a Korean heiress who was a member of SEELE's inner council because she reminded Lorenz Keel of a porn star he fantasized over. The drug was actually intended to be used against SEELE Zero Six, but in the confusion following your compatriots here burning the cloning factory to the ground, it was lost."

Shinji blinked, Tabris' song spoke of complete honesty. "Then…what does Asuka have to do with stopping Lilith?"

"Wrong question," the Angel clicked his tongue. "The _right_ question would be, 'How many of my friends has Lilith killed'. The answer? It may surprise you." Walking slowly backwards, he held his hands out, "By the by, I never intended to kidnap your little wish. The ribbon had a message for you on it. The same message I've been trying to get to you this entire time, thwarted each time by General Benoit." Reaching the end of the bridge, where the attack had left a gap too far to jump across for even the strongest human, he shrugged, "Don't trust her, Shinji Ikari. She's putting barriers between us, and we have _far_ too much work to accomplish if we're going to do anything about Creation." Falling backwards he disappeared over the ledge.

Sprinting forwards, Shinji scanned the ground far below and saw nothing but empty air.

+++++ 14th Angel + 25: Saturday (114)

Finally reaching home, in the early hours of the morning, Shinji was still keyed up from combat. Once more, a journey away from the manor had resulted in an attack. Yet again, someone had betrayed him. A parade of memories where he had been forced to slaughter his way to freedom all waited their turn to further dampen his mood, causing him to be far more curt than he wished to be when bidding farewell to the Shirakami. Promising Kiyomi that he'd provide verbal confirmation of the testimony the two Shirakami to overhear the conversation gave, he escorted Suzuka and Hikari into the house.

Waiting inside, alone and asleep on the couch, was Maya. The sight of the woman with two lives, adorably curled up in her uniform still, did warm his heart enough to begin the process of winding down. Despite the memories, and the pain, the manor had an aura of hope clinging to it. The elder priest had begged the local spirits to assist Shinji, as had Phobos and Deimos, which led to more positive energy inside where those who lived could seek it out.

 _Ok,_ Shinji kept the mental communication quiet and concise, _Hikari, please go wake up Maya carefully. Suzuka, please go check on everyone else, make sure they're asleep, but bring Kodama. I'm going into the kitchen and making some tea._ Pleased when both women moved without delay, he began to work through what he'd have to do to calm _them_ down in addition to seeking his own tranquility. Too many moving pieces, too much still left unanswered, and now further doubts on the enigmatic being that had brought him through time and space.

Rounding the corner into the kitchen, Shinji spied the next of the women in his life that had a claim he'd recognized as valid. Pink skin was tinged blue, anger and frustration hanging off the non-Earthborn starship captain. Once again, he'd come under attack. Once more, she couldn't respond without giving away her species' existence. Flicking her finger towards the kettle, she indicated clearly that she'd already prepared hot water. All that was left was gathering the bags, the flavorings, and to carry it all out to speak to everyone.

As much out of obligation as out of a desire to continue seeking calm in his first day back in the house, Shinji approached her before he touched anything else and pulled her into a hug. His voice low, he sighed, "What's the going price on either a one-way trip off world, or some form of orbital bombardment of everything taller than two thousand meters below sea level?"

"One night of great sex, or two nights of reasonably okay sex," she groused. "Just wait, as soon as you try to purchase it, Lily will show up and demand we stop because she hasn't had her turn."

Kissing her by her ear, he dropped his voice even lower, "If I see her, I may end up attacking. If I do, get _everyone_ out." He felt her stiffen, and when he stepped back, he nodded, "Everyone. No exceptions."

Her eyes were confused, "I can't just leave-"

"[Song], you _will_ get everyone out." Hardening his tone, he held her arms tight, "You're the only one who can save them if this becomes violent." Leaving her, and moving to pick the tea service up, he was tired of having to piecemeal the conversation, "Let's go. We need to talk."

Coming back into the main area of the house, Shinji's mood continued its rollercoaster ride. Kodama, instead of running over and demanding he accept her embrace and love, lifted her hand slightly and rolled her fingers lazily in greeting. It was quivering with desire to do as he feared, but she restrained herself. The show of maturity, as many things tended to of late, made his decision easier. Setting down the tea service on the table, he urged everyone onto the couch and remained standing where he could be seen by all five women.

"To start…I am sorry that I had to leave you all alone for a bit," his eyes landed on Hikari. "It was not a well-thought-out decision, nor a well-conceived request. I'm going to ask that everyone, however, get over it." Considering the other four women, he emphasized his point, "Life, as you are well aware, enjoys causing me heartache. None of you are guilt-free, and we are not going to get into the habit of comparing mistakes. Because in that competition? I win, hands down." Shoving his hands in his pockets, he looked down to the floor, "Kitten?"

Maya's voice caressed his spine in a very pleasant way as she responded with boundless love, "Yes, Pup?"

"I missed you," he amended his thought, smiling slightly. "Hikari told me that she wishes to nullify the agreements between us. You are also my wife, and I feel you should have input in that. Before we get into everything else, I want to settle how our relationships will be developing. Do you agree to negotiate a new balance between us all?"

The Lieutenant Colonel was silent for a time, though as he kept his eyes on the floor below he couldn't see her face. Her song spoke of contemplation, of taking his request seriously as she tended to. "I am. But I would appreciate it if all three of us had input. That means you too, Pup."

"There's more than three of us, were I to have my way." He took a deep breath, and pushed forward, "Kodama and I exist outside of the main agreement, by virtue of her and Hikari not being sis-cons. I intended, before everything, to sign a simple contract with her. She wants nothing more than my name, and any relationships she develops with my other wives is between her and them. Do you two agree that I have been given the right to pursue this by each of you, in the past?"

"I will not rescind my approval," Hikari declared firmly. "I gave her and you permission, and I agree with you that that permission was outside of our other discussions. The Horaki curse is a unique creature, and we shouldn't tie it to other things."

"Interesting wording," Suzuka added softly.

"Suzi," Shinji finally looked up, raising an eyebrow at the woman he felt to be his eldest wife, "not helping."

Pulling everyone back from the brink of an outburst, Maya shared her thoughts, "I would be fine with Kodama joining us. So long as she continues showing the maturity she's developed recently, and like the rest of us keeps it in the household."

"…I was kind of hoping to share you too, Maya," Kodama, from her seat next to the scientist, reached over and took her hand. "You and I get along well, right?"

"It's acceptable, and fair," Hikari stated evenly. "Let's move on, though. We need this settled before too much longer, I don't know how much longer I can keep from crying." The evening, if not the day as a whole, had been a great deal for her to overcome. Unlike Shinji and Suzuka, or even Nanako, Hikari was not used to being in imminent danger. The near crash on the return from Ogawa was the most frightening experience to draw upon, and her mind was eagerly drawing on that terror.

"Suzuka is a part of me," Shinji agreed that they needed to press on. He wanted to push Maya and Hikari into a room to sleep, so that he could adjust to his return and Hikari could sleep off the evening's events. "She has stated she is fine without a paper stating her to be my wife, I am not. I would like to include her, again with the provision that whatever relationships develop amongst my other wives, and yes I'm still horrified at using that phrase, are between my other wives and her."

"I agree," his youngest wife left her answer at that.

"I've already given my permission," Maya announced quietly. "When she chased you down, I told her expressly that we would handle the paperwork later and she should act as Suzuka Ikari now. She and I have…reached an understanding, and I see no reason to renege on that."

Suzuka's smile was pleased, "It does help that Maya-dono and I are fond of _compromise_."

Shinji wasn't ignorant of the increasingly isolated young woman on the couch, which fed his concerns enthusiastically that he was making a mistake. He loved her, he just wished that she hadn't pushed this on him. "Last, though never least in my eyes, is [Song]," he indicated Rose. "She and I agreed to a partnership. I have offered her protection, and a place at my side. She has claimed for herself the desire to call me her [Song], and I am not ashamed to admit I am incredibly fond of her."

"I don't see a reason to argue," Maya shrugged. "She's a good woman, a steady hand, and has put her own needs aside for our family."

"I…would like it if she were our wife," Hikari blushed in embarrassment. "Considering what she and I have already done."

"Which is nothing to be ashamed of," Rose declared firmly, scooting closer and hugging Hikari. "We're just formalizing things, right, [Song]?"

"Ambiguity led us to conflict," Shinji's mind eased as he saw Hikari settle in the arms of his 'alien' wife. "From here on, you five will have the burden…." Shaking his head, he patted his cheeks, "I am sorry. That's a terrible habit. From here on, we are all equals in marriage. How you interact with one another is up to you. How you _treat_ each other, is not. We are all equals. None greater, none lesser. I won't view you in some asinine ranking system, and I won't allow this to become a competition." Frowning, he considered Kodama, "I'm sorry, but you'll have to wait until after the Angels are dealt with before I bring you into my soul. For one, I'm not sure if I can right now. For another…."

"The last thing we need is to add further complications to a recovering patient," the busty nurse agreed. "I can wait. I have your love, and I have your word that if you can you will. That's enough for me."

Maya continued to shepherd the conversation, "So, what about the others?"

"If they love me, they'll wait for me to figure out how I feel," Shinji shrugged. "If they love me, they'll accept my answer. Even if that answer is 'No'. I _do not_ want to become the center of a harem, Maya. I love each of you dearly, but all of you need to understand that if any of you had met me first and declared that you wanted complete monogamy, they would have me to themselves. I am not predisposed to the life we will live. I will have to work my ass off to be worthy of it, in my own mind if not in fact. Each additional woman is that much more work, and yes," he looked to Suzuka, "the rewards are amazing. But I hate this. I hate what I feel I am doing to you all," his eyes traveled along the couch, and the women upon it. "If the five of you tell me now, 'No more women', that's it. No more. But she," he pointed to Hikari, "has raised fears of terrible futures without several of the other phenomenal women we know."

"She's not wrong," Kodama backed her sister up eagerly. "Baby, I know you view this the way you do, and your thoughts are valid, like Maya would say, but what limited visions I have had say you do need several of the women around you to be more…acquainted."

"I come from a much different culture, [Song]," Rose added her own perspective. "To me, one man amongst many women is how it is meant to be. Granted, in my society you wouldn't have nearly the power you have in our marriage, but the basic theory is the same. You're a precious resource, and rather than fight for it we must all cooperate to maximize your use so that you are neither 'burned out', misused, nor ignored and undervalued." Laying her head on Hikari's shoulder, she grinned, "We six will have a very long time to grow accustomed to our roles. Adding in others as they fit just makes sense. Keeping others out that will ruin everything? That just makes sense."

"Perhaps a council, of some form?" Suzuka was content to sit alone, with Kodama holding Maya's hands and Rose comforting Hikari, "Not necessarily unanimity, but enough for a quorum to be called. Should the question arise of who might be added in a trial capacity, we would require half of those, rounded up, in the marriage be consulted at the least. The petitioner would then be given the chance to make their case, but a final determination could only come from at least two thirds, rounded up, of those already present. This would prevent abuse, and make the process much more selective."

"So we wouldn't give a hard 'No'," Maya laid against Kodama, accepting that things had reached a point where she could relax some. "But a firm 'Yes' is required to join. Also," she looked to Shinji, "we will not add any men, and you will agree to not add any women that are for you alone. Any woman must be approved by the council, and must understand that you are not the only one they are romantically inclined towards. Balance."

Shinji nodded slowly, "Thank you." Bobbing his head faster, he smiled, "That keeps it from being all about me, and will stop me from…gaining more visions."

"Expulsion will be the least of the punishments I give to any of my wives for bringing another man into our home," Hikari bristled, growling. "We are _not_ whores. We will not _cuckold_ our husband."

"In this, we are of a mind," Suzuka agreed.

"And I am not so starved for affection that I need more than any one of you," Shinji stated with calm confidence. "Please…you need to understand that I expect you to care for one another. If I die, don't let this die with me. Love each other like you deserve to be loved. I don't need anyone else…in my own mind. If it happens, I'll expect the same of them that I do of you."

"You do not have permission to die, Pup," Maya eyed him sternly. "I love Hikari dearly. I'm growing to love Kodama, Suzuka, and Rose. But I love you just as deeply, and I _will_ mourn your passing for whatever remained of my life."

"You are important, Little Bear," Suzuka added. "I am pleased to see you act with confidence, to see you take back some measure of control over your life. I will not be well pleased by having to face eternity without you to push me to greater heights."

"Baby, my life sucked before you landed in our lap," Kodama gestured to her sister. "Please, don't leave us now that we've found you."

"I have forsworn my allegiances because I trust that your sight carries further than theirs ever could," Rose stated with a sigh. "I want to see the universe shelter under your loving grace, [Song]. I want to stand at your side and be proud of my part in bringing peace to Creation."

"The first thing you gave me, my love, was freedom from pain. You didn't let me fall, and you didn't extract payment for that." Hikari's eyes showed how much she hurt for having harmed him, "You can't die. You promised you'd never hurt me…and burying you would hurt me viciously."

Standing there, he took several moments to organize his thoughts. None of them had lied, none had declared him the only value in their lives. They had given him exactly what he'd asked for, but had made it clear to him that he was essential to their total happiness. Setting the topic aside, as he hoped that they would at least pump the brakes on anyone else jumping into marriage right away, he started the next topic, "I think Lilith has been playing us for fools."

+++++ 14th Angel + 25: Saturday (114)

The end result of his declaration, and the evidence he presented to support it, was not exactly what he'd anticipated. Kodama wanted to keep everyone out of school, specifically to limit the potential for Lilith to divide and conquer. Suzuka was more measured, stating that she would travel to the little one's school with them to engage if necessary there, and Rose would travel to NERV to protect everyone there, while Shinji protected those at the High School. Maya said that she had been working with Eve, Ritsuko, and Asuka to develop countermeasures, surprising Shinji with the diverse personalities involved. Hikari said that she would trust Shinji, and Shinji alone, in determining Lilith's guilt.

His first girlfriend had made it clear that he was in the best position to see the situation, and that of anyone it was him who had been harmed the most. When he indicated that he was still fallible, she shrugged and said nobody was perfect, and that his qualifications remained the best of any. Hikari was not subtle about it either, she trusted him, and him alone.

Now standing in the basement with everyone else in their rooms attempting to get what little sleep they might, looking at the workout equipment that showed signs of use by the other occupants of the house, Shinji made another attempt at reaching within himself to find the beings he'd become the repository for. Meditation hadn't done much, save for proving that his anger was a part of the problem in connecting to others. Speaking to the women upstairs had provided restoration of the quality of his connection, and he could easily feel the songs of everyone around him returning to his awareness.

"Balance," he muttered aloud. Anger had opened the door, love had taken it from there. Punching the heavy bag lightly, he turned his thoughts to how he might seek to further that end. Looking at his marriage, he noticed that it was lopsided, and not in the fact that he was the only male. Maya seemed to be the focus of each of the romantic inclinations, with Hikari only overtly receiving one from Maya and one from Rose. He could believe that at some point it would come to pass that Suzuka would open back up to Hikari, after all that had been said around the matter, but the willowy warrior's anger was still hot and Hikari the reason for it.

A few more light strikes furthered the conversation with himself. Kodama was only receiving affection from Maya, that he knew of. Rose was inclined towards both Maya and Hikari. Suzuka enjoyed Maya alone, for now. There was little balance currently, in any of that. The one who gave the most support, Maya, received the most in return. It made sense. But could romance blossom in the other legs? How did he support it? Was that part of his inability to reach inside of his soul?

He'd come to trust Lilith, he'd touched her in ways that he would never have, had he doubted her. Even though he'd not broken that 'final boundary', they'd done more than enough for him to be credibly accused of 'cheating'. Always under threat. Always to keep the peace. Now punching the bag with various combinations, he found his anger growing. He asked for help, she demanded payment. He couldn't deny she'd tried to be patient, but it was never his choice to engage in affections. She was Kodama, without the redeeming self-sacrifice.

The worst part, he thought as he increased the strength behind his blows, was that she'd left without telling anyone why. Rose had mentioned her going inside of his soul, but she'd vanished completely which wasn't what typically occurred during such ventures. Rei Hino had said she'd abandoned everyone as soon as his pain had become too much. Was that how Lilith would act? If it became too tough for _her_ would she simply leave the women he loved? That alone was worthy of rebuke, though nowhere near as damning as the murder or murders.

How much, he wondered, of his current problems revolved around her continuing to manipulate everyone. Lust was an insidious torment, confounding the mind and causing a lack of clarity in social situations. Her power over it, her ability to foster it in anyone she chose, and even worse her ability to follow through without qualm or question on it made him doubt everything. Did she manipulate him at some point? Had she ever _not_ manipulated him?

Stopping a punch that would have evaporated the bag, he instead gripped it in both hands and laid his head against it, "Stop." None of the futures he saw… _none_ of them…were with her. He could explain, or rationalize, everything he wanted to but that one simple fact was damning in itself. However he felt on her…she was never there. So who did he believe? Whatever force gave Hikari the visions he now shared, or the woman who'd vanished when he needed her to pull him out of his own mind.

+++++ Author's Notes:

Guest:

RE: 2 ½ weeks of reading.

I still have to stop from time to time and realize I've written several novels here. Thank you for choosing to power through the garbage I've presented.

RE: Negatives and Noelle

I am astonished at the level of love my readers have given to an original character of mine. With all of the wonderful characters Anno-sensei gave us, that people, such as yourself, still enjoy my own additions to the alchemy that is NGE gives me no small sense of satisfaction. Thank you, again.

SK:

RE: Arguments.

Some of the worst fights people will ever have will be the result of them 'pre-fighting' in their heads. Coming into an argument with preconceived slights and notions that the person in their head has no notions of. It's a sign of a healthy mind, and a healthy relationship, when instead you spend the 'cool down' time preparing to present what it is that you feel went wrong, and what it is you need to make things right. And no, I'm not saying Hikari and Shinji are 'healthy'. Yet.

RE: Ideology.

Shinji really does need to be careful when he says he'll do 'anything', doesn't he? He's a man of his word, bless his heart.

KinZer0:

RE: Weeb reggae

And now I have a new genre to experience.

RE: Fan-mail

It's therapy, practice, and pushing his boundaries all without having to speak face-to-face with someone. He's a smart cookie, when he lets himself apply it.


	113. Chapter 113

+++++ 14th Angel + 25: Saturday (114)

 _So how do we handle this?_ Shinji's question was a call for consensus, and a test of their new agreements.

Suzuka responded first, _I believe the original intent was that Mitsuishi-chan earn her bread before she be considered for marriage. That, to me, does not preclude a welcoming kiss, or even hugs and comfort. Yang-chan is a perfect example of what we'd expect. She doesn't push, nor does she shy away from affection._

 _I agree,_ Maya added, carrying more out to the table for breakfast. _We take our time. We seek out how we truly feel. It's no different than dating, sometimes dating goes really fast. Sometimes dating is a slow burn. Sometimes dating goes horribly wrong right off the bat and you realize that the woman standing before you is a terrifying mass of complexes that you want absolutely nothing to do with._ She paused, _Not…that I have any experience there._

Hikari latched onto her wife from behind, _I'm glad it went fast, for us. I need you, Maya. And I agree with you in this._

Rose sat at her place, not wanting to get in the way as there was already sufficient hands to the task, _Clarity is necessary. Reiterate, should she seek more, that we expect her to hold to the bargain. After she's gone through university, after she's proven that she wants to be a part of more than just your bed, we'll make a decision for certain. Until then, she's welcome to seek moderate comfort, but not more without the approval of any four of us._

 _Maybe we should always include Shinji in the four,_ Maya hesitated at the stove, the next two plates in her grasp. _I mean, yes, it will tip things slightly towards him but at the end of the day all of us recognize that he's the 'odd man out'. He's in the minority, and needs some protections. His 'no' should carry greater weight, shouldn't it?_

"Took your time coming home, sir?" Kelly's greeting drew everyone's attention to the crutches-bearing redhead, "Didn't think your sense of direction was that bad."

None of his wives missed the smile that grew on his face, "I realized that there was more to the area that I'm responsible for than the manor house. Turns out the 'outside' isn't a myth."

"Shocking discovery," his keeper of secrets laughed, holding her arms out slightly with a hopeful grin.

Carefully folding her in a warm embrace, Shinji whispered, "I missed you too, Kelly. Someday, you and I need to take a trip to Larchfield. I'd like to visit the renewed marketplaces there."

Patting his back firmly, she pushed him upright, "Tried to keep Kodama steady for you, she's a handful."

"More than," Shinji winked to his wife, earning an eyeroll.

Kodama made a shooing motion, "She's healing up nicely, Baby. But she shouldn't be standing for very long yet, out of her way. She needs to sit down."

"Standing clear," he held his hands up and backed away. "Weapons system in motion."

"Ah yes," Kelly groaned. "The dreaded 'Ballistic Mail Delivery System'. Bringing bad news to all corners of the world." Making her way to the table, she proved out that athletes heal faster than non-athletes, "Thank you, Rose." Winking at the alien captain, who held her chair out for her, she accepted the assistance into her seat.

Shinji faked being wounded, "Wait, so I still get a 'sir', but she gets her name?"

"She doesn't flinch when I call her ma'am, but you do," the redhead declared with a knowing look. "One of you needs to become accustomed to the burdens of command, the other is very familiar with them."

"He's actually made great progress on that front," Hikari announced eagerly. She was proud of him, and wanted everyone to know that, including him. "Last night, he was very firm with his subordinates, and just this morning he put his foot down with his wives."

Maya supported her, delivering more food to the table simultaneously, "He's grown. He's taking charge of his life."

"Oh my everything, there's a man in the house!" Yang came flying over and jumped up to hug Shinji, "Welcome home, big guy!" Laughing happily as she was caught and squeezed firmly, she kicked down to prevent overstaying her welcome in his bubble, "It's good to see you, Shinji."

"It's good to see you too." He was able to be honest with the one woman he'd say 'yes' to without reservation, should she ask to join, "I'm sorry that I had to get my mind right, Yang. Thank you…for taking care of Hikari for me."

Her smile was neither overly friendly nor too distant, "Hey, that's what family does, right?" She lowered her volume, "We're still family, right?"

"Always," he cupped her cheek, smiling fondly.

"…Shinji?" Tsuru's voice drew everyone's attention, "I…it's…uhm, hello."

He could see in the farmgirl the battle that Kodama fought, though the degree to which she succeeded only seemed possible because she had locked up with indecision. Glad that Yang was who she was, in that she moved over to help set the table to free him to greet the next woman he'd gained responsibility for, he walked over and hugged Tsuru in a warm-but-not-super-affectionate embrace, "It's good to see you, Tsuru. Thank you for holding back. It's good to see you're okay."

Timidly, her hands went around his midsection and her face went into his chest as she whispered, "I missed you, Shinji. I promised I wouldn't act all dramatic, but I really want to give you a kiss. I was terrified that I'd never see you again, that Hikari would continue to drift away because you were forced to accept us. I know you don't love me yet…but please, let me show you that I'm serious. Give me a chance."

"The deal stands," he hardened his heart against the plea. "Get your degree, find a good job that will support you. Grow into your place in our circle, and love yourself as much as you claim to love us. Four or five years isn't forever, Tsuru-chan. Especially since the more patient you are, the more you'll find you enjoy what we all have together."

 _I, for one, do not feel it too much that you give our two young ladies a kiss from time to time,_ Rose stated silently. _If you intend to give them a fair hearing, you need to accept that affection is a part of romance,_ [Song]. _You don't need to discover their stomach with your tongue, but neither do you need to ignore their needs._

 _If you think you might one day love them, I agree._ Maya added, _If you don't, say so. 'No' is always a valid answer._

 _We'll…face what comes. Together,_ Hikari agreed.

Picking Tsuru up into a more friendly hug, Shinji squeezed her tight as he placed his chin on her shoulder, "I promise, Tsuru. I'm not going to break my word, so long as you keep yours."

Everyone saw the blush on Tsuru's face as she smiled happily at being held so, "I…was kind of hoping that I might spend some time tonight, or tomorrow, painting both Maya-san and Kelly-san's toenails." As he set her down, she kept her hand on his elbow and gestured to his keeper of secrets, "Sit out in the sun outside, paint her toenails, get to know her." Turning her hope-filled smile on the redhead, she tilted her head in anticipation for an answer.

Kelly played her part perfectly, "I don't have any paints, ma'am. I'll have to borrow yours." She understood what Shinji was doing, and that Tsuru was trying to demonstrate her determination to be involved with the whole house and not just one part of it.

"Mine, actually," Yang shrugged. "Not that it matters. I'd like to see us all start a nailcare regimen. You, ladies, have let your nails go. How are we supposed to represent the Ikari brand if we're looking like homeless people, I ask you this."

Nozomi's cry stepped on Maya's regretful statement that she would need to be at work, "Nii-san?!"

Sakura's voice was right behind her, "Nii-san? He's home?!"

Moving swiftly to scoop up Nozomi, Shinji noticed that the littlest Horaki was supporting a walking Sakura, her wheelchair nowhere to be seen. Pausing, his eyes saccaded rapidly as he watched Team Rainbow support one another, their smiles turning cautious as he hesitated. "You're…walking." Dropping to one knee before them, he blinked as tears pooled in his eyes, "You're barely shaking."

"Uh huh," Nozomi nodded, eager to show her best friend's progress, "she's worked super hard while you've been resting, nii-san! She said she wanted to be able to dance with you when you came back, right Sakura-chan?"

"You, uhm," the lone remaining Suzuhara was confused as to why Shinji had tears on his cheeks, "you're crying, nii-san. What's wrong?"

Carefully taking them into his arms, he held the tiny pair close, "I'm just glad…Sakura-chan. I'm glad that my little sister is up on her feet again." He could feel the weight of her injury lifting free from his shoulders, "That my little sisters have been so good to one another."

The women in the house needed no special powers to share their thoughts with one another. As they watched Shinji be teased by Nozomi and Sakura for crying, as they saw his smile radiate outwards, they all felt the same hope. They still had battles to face, burdens to help one another lift, but beneath the 'new' Shinji that seemed harder still lie the same old Shinji they loved.

+++++ 14th Angel + 25: Saturday (114)

Shinji walked up to the school with Hikari on his arm. He had, pointedly, offered the limb to her after he climbed out of the heavy military vehicle. After nearly a month away, he owed her the public display of her place in his life. The recent attempt at usurping his role had been handled by his wife, but had only come about because neither of them had been able to control themselves. Yang held Tsuru's arm, keeping her at an even pace behind the married couple, intentionally setting forth a picture of two servants supporting their masters.

"Ah, Shinji-san!" Morimoto waved his hand, "It's good to see you again, man! Done training?"

He'd been briefed on the lie, and laughed ruefully in return to avoid any dishonesty, "Is anyone ever really _done_ training, Morimoto-san?"

A chorus of laughter and agreement echoed from the gathered sports clubs and their managers or significant others. It was a truism that no athlete ever finished, they just began the next training regimen. Continuing down the hall, he spied the newspaper club talking, and pulled his group to a halt off to the side of the corridor. The curious look he received from his housemates and wife were answered when he pretended to be talking about something to them, the click of three cameras rapidly gathering an image of the returned hero and his coterie.

Turning once more to be off to the stairs, he cautioned the club, "Remember, run those by my guards. It's safer for everyone that way, right?" Animated nods and promises to do exactly what he said were interspersed with gratitude for the poses and patience.

He could feel Hikari's song growing stronger as she walked past him into the classroom. He was acting different, more confident, more mature. Despite all of that, he still loved her…or he wouldn't be placing her front and center for everyone to see. Sitting primly at her desk, she smiled as if nothing untoward had happened, "It must feel so strange being back in class, my love." In her mind, if he wanted to engage in public affection, the school could learn to live with it. She was married, he was her husband, that was that.

"You have no idea." Looking around at his classmates as Yang took the seat behind his, and Tsuru the seat to his left, he sighed and set his bag down atop his desk, _It's so small, Light. I've got the memories of lifetimes where I'm a medical doctor, or a physicist, or a musician. Lives where I have more degrees than the teachers all combined. I've got memories of lifetimes where I sat in that desk,_ he flicked his finger towards the seat he'd 'first' had, _and you abhorred me. Where Asuka filled your head with lies about perversion. Where Rei never was given a chance at life._ Closing his eyes, he took a fortifying breath, "I'll adapt."

"Ah, Your Grace!" Their gym teacher appeared in the doorway, "Welcome back. I hope your training went well."

"Sensei," Shinji nodded in recognition of the well wishes. "Is something wrong?"

"I was coming to inform your wife that your first period teacher won't be in today," looking around he leaned in, "bad fish."

"Unfortunate," Hikari replied delicately. Frowning, she looked to her husband, "We were just beginning a new block, so self-study isn't really an option."

"I'll fill in," Shinji offered. "It's just math." Leaving his bag behind, he walked up to the lectern and looked to the clock before clapping his hands, "Sorry everyone, let's get started early. Sensei's out today, so I'll be subbing for them. The last bit of homework had us start on parametric equations, right?"

Hikari quickly pulled out her notes, intent on helping him if he needed it. She noticed the gym teacher slide the door closed before taking off at a jog towards the offices, but otherwise her eyes were focused on her husband. His confidence radiated off of him in waves, and she knew she wasn't the only student to be entranced by his teaching style. With only a piece of chalk and forty minutes, he managed to explain material that their teacher had to use ten more minutes, handouts, and supplementary notes to even begin to dent. He wrote on the board without looking, accurate, clear, marks that brought the equations forth and bolstered them with examples and annotations. Only once had he frowned, and she could hear the rear door opening as the cause. Someone had entered late, but he hadn't stopped everything to handle it. Eventually, with only a few minutes left, she recognized the style of teaching. He was emulating Ritsuko Akagi.

As the bell rang, he smiled and bowed his head, "Thank you for your patience today, everyone. I know that this was something of a change, but when someone falls ill it's on the rest of us to pick up their duty and see it through, right?" The sounds of affirmation and gratitude warmed Hikari's heart. Her husband had the class in the palm of his hand. Her husband…had changed.

"Well done, Your Grace," recognizing the principal's voice, Hikari stood and looked to the back of the room as the elderly gentleman approached. "Thank you for sharing your wisdom with your peers today. I know that I begin to sound like a broken record, but have you considered applying for university as a teacher? The profession could surely use someone of your talents."

She expected Shinji to blush, or demure, anything but what he did. Shrugging he shook his head, "I don't know that I'll be able to attend university, unfortunately. There is too much at play for me to ignore my obligations once my legal duties have been fulfilled. Between my responsibilities as a Duke, as a husband, as a surrogate father, and whatever nonsense the UN wants to pile atop that, I'm afraid my dance card is rather full." Looking back at the board, he picked up the eraser, "Providing a world where my fellow students can reach their full potential, will hopefully be enough."

Turning to Hikari, the man held a wistful smile, "I don't suppose you might be able to help me convince him, Your Grace? You are also one of our brightest hopes for the future of the profession."

"I can only support my husband in his decisions on his life, sir," she felt Shinji's eyes soften as she spoke. "He knows how I feel, he knows how I will react. After that, I trust him to make the best choice the same way that he trusts me. It's the only way our marriage could possibly work."

The old teacher nodded, "I suppose you are correct, at that. Serving as an example to aspire towards may well be what you two were meant to do."

 _We can only pray that they never have to face what we have,_ Shinji kept his face stoic as he laughed along with Hikari mentally.

+++++ 14th Angel + 25: Saturday (114)

"So…he went right back to school?" Asuka's face aptly demonstrated her incredulity, "He is _such_ a damn goody two-shoes!"

Ritsuko couldn't disagree, despite naturally wishing to with whatever Asuka presented, "I would like to see him, Maya. He's likely healthy as a bull, but that doesn't obviate the need for a more extensive examination after the level of stress he's endured. And that's to say nothing of the data we need to make sure Unit-01 is in proper order for him the next time he needs it."

"He'll be coming after class," Maya waved off their complaints. "He wants to see everyone, and he agrees with you Rits. So stop fussing at my husband, and let's refocus on Unit-02."

"There isn't much to say," Eve yawned cutely. "The pale imitation of my former husband continues to be the best option for confronting both of our biggest enemies. Aside from Shinji, that is." Her smile took on a dreamy cast, "I can feel his power from here. Whatever it is he is doing, he is putting his whole heart into it. His song _echoes_ across the land."

Asuka frowned, looking at her passenger, "Is that going to draw her out?"

"She has to know where he is. She wouldn't allow the key to her victory to wander around without a way to keep an eye on his whereabouts," the eternal being shrugged. "As to her current motivations, only she would truly know."

When the door suddenly began to open, their otherworldly guest vanished. Misato's arrival heralded yet another distraction, as the sub-commander seemed to be rather displeased about something, "Why is he not here?" Stopping just short of running Maya over, she hefted one naturally tidy eyebrow, "I told you that as soon as he returned home we needed to bring him in for debrief, medical examinations, and at least one activation test in Unit-01. I know he's your husband, but damn it woman, he's also my employee."

Maya, retaining her calm through focusing on the scene between Shinji, Nozomi, and Sakura this morning, replied coolly, "He's attending school, as he should be. It's a half day, Misato, he's planning on coming in right after class. We'll have more than enough time to do everything, possibly even a coordination exercise with Unit-02, after-" Her phone buzzing in the pattern that indicated a text from Shinji led to her slapping Misato's hand away from the device and picking it up from her desk, "It might be private, _ma'am_. My husband does send me…." She blushed, "The occasional love poem."

Asuka, just as bad as Misato at ignoring personal boundaries when it suited her, read from over Maya's shoulder, "Grey eyes with cold grace, balanced poise and empathy, boundless devotion. Aww, he wrote you a haiku."

"Asuka!" Turning, she clutched the phone to her chest to hide it from further violation as it buzzed again, "I don't need my husband's private thoughts shared while I'm at work. This is work time, if you want to talk about personal things, that's for after hours." Backing away she snuck a peek at her phone, blushing even deeper, "Oh…crabapples." Quickly shutting off the screen and pocketing it, she coughed in an effort to regain her professional bearing, "If you two don't stop, I won't share the lunch he made."

"He made lunch?" Misato's stomach rumbled, "I…may have possibly overstepped my boundaries in attempting to grab your phone, but really it was Asuka that broke your trust. I just happened to be very enthusiastic about making sure he's ok."

Somehow, the looming threat of an angered Angel seeking to control her husband didn't really seem unmanageable. He was home. Smiling as Asuka exploded in her own defense by attacking Misato's assertions and not the woman she'd actually wronged, though more in defense of a meal she too would like to have, Maya hugged her arms around her body, _My husband's home._

+++++ 14th Angel + 25: Saturday (114)

When Shinji approached the lab, he felt the presence of his non-human wife before she materialized, _Hello,_ [Song] _, any sign of trouble?_

Still invisible to most living beings, the pink-skinned captain shook her head, _Nothing. I've been scanning this whole area actively, and she's not showing up._ Dressed casually in the gauzy linen she knew appealed to him, she seemed to dance along beside him as nervous energy filled her, _I…know that you've just returned, and that you did not wish to see me for a reason. I was hoping that maybe…I could know why?_

Stopping at a junction, with the lab doors in sight, he looked down at her and frowned. It wasn't an unreasonable request, and though she knew of his problems, she did not know those things versions of her had done. The problem was, he was still fighting against blaming the women around him for what other versions of the women around him had done. _You have done nothing wrong, Rose._ Choosing his words carefully, he tried to make himself clear, _They are not you. Those other Shinji weren't me. You don't need to be haunted like this,_ he sighed, _Hikari doesn't deserve to be haunted like she is._

 _You know, I was thinking about that,_ Rose accepted his decision, and chose not to push him despite her curiosity. _If she'd agree to sit still for a bit, we could scan her brain and locate the irregularity. There almost has to be a way to dampen it, if not shut it off. We can turn off speech, or sight, or even the ability to empathize. Our medicine is a great deal more advanced than yours, and since she's_ supposed _to be my wife too…it might make her life better?_

 _Would it change her personality?_ He caught himself from emphatically okaying the idea, focusing on the potential negatives of messing with the thing that made people who they were, _Would it be reversible?_

 _I can't see how removing crippling visions of a variety of futures that force her into dissociation would change her personality overmuch, other than reduce the fear and anxiety she suffers,_ she laughed as she tapped her own head. _I'd have to do the scans to find out,_ [Song]. _My chief medical officer would know far more than I do. I'm just familiar with the results, not the process itself. I trust my specialists to know their jobs._

 _Please, tell Amethyst that I'll love her eternally if she can manage this without hurting Hikari._ The idea was too good to be true, but he knew that her crew could pull off miracles. They'd saved him more than once when his powers changed violently, _Offer Hikari the option, and tell her I'll be there when it happens._ _I'd ask her myself, but I can't reach that far just yet._

His wife mouthed the name he'd given her crew member, before shrugging. _It's not that,_ Rose blinked, surprised that Shinji hadn't noticed. _You have better control over it. You're not broadcasting across all frequencies, to use an analogy. You're sending traffic across a tight band between people. Trust me, if you wanted to I'm positive you could talk to any of us from any distance now. You're practically glowing with power._

It was his turn to be confused, _And yet…I can't see inside my soul._

 _That I can't help with. I've never known anyone with your power, and it's not focused around your brain. Toying with the soul is dangerous, ethically terrifying, and I'd bloodily murder my crew for even contemplating it._ Looking both directions, and seeing nobody, she stepped forward and floated up to plant a kiss on his lips, _I missed you terribly, Shinji. Maybe…later tonight, you can show me how much you missed me?_

He had to admit, the more he was around the women he loved…the more he remembered he loved them. _We'll see. If Hikari accepts the treatment, I'd rather not delay doing that. And holding you against the wall like you prefer seems rude while our wife is in surgery._

 _Against the wall?_ He saw her blush, _I've…never done that…._

 _Not every memory was bad,_ he admitted with a grin. _Go, my desert flower. See if we can stop our wife from hurting._

With a pleased wiggle, she left him alone in the hallway to see if she could use her sciences to heal their wounds.

+++++ 14th Angel + 25: Saturday (114)

Shinji walked into the room, and immediately felt the presence that everyone had forgotten to warn him he'd feel. _…Rits?_

"Huh?" Looking around from her place by the monitors, the now completely brunette polymath finally spotted him, "Oh, Shinji! Hi, I'm sorry…that…." Walking slowly over, she held her hands up to try and soothe what she thought to be fear, "Steady. It's not uncommon to have flashbacks when exposed to the scene of significant trauma."

 _Oh, crabapples,_ Maya's thought carried through as she realized the problem.

 _When did I do this?_ Shinji looked to his wife, _Why did I do this? I don't remember this, Kitten. This isn't something I meant to have happen._ He vacillated between anger and anxiety, knowing in his heart that he'd removed Ritsuko's free will. Wondering if he wasn't when he thought he was. Too many lives where he and Ritsuko shared a bed, where others abused him, clambered along the fence he'd built in his mind.

Asuka approached cautiously, "Why are we all staring at each other?" Reaching Shinji, and being perfectly willing to court his anger since she feared him as much as she feared a plush stuffed animal, hugging his side, she spoke calmly, "Slow, deep, breaths, big guy. You're safe here. I won't let anyone hurt you, you know that. Frau Doktor Fakentits here can back away, if she's spinning you up."

"Es ist…nicht ihr Schuld," Asuka's touch, and her demeanor, reminded him of several lives where she was his anchor to sanity. As distracted and nervous as he was, he ought not to be blamed for clutching her to his side, "Häschen, Ich habe sie versehentlich verletzt. Sie ist in meiner Seele, sie ist ein Teil von mir. Das wollte ich nicht!"

"I need to brush up on my German, apparently," Maya broke free of her fatigue-induced paralysis and hurried over as Ritsuko stood still to avoid startling him. Joining Asuka in hugging Shinji, she tried to draw his attention to her, "Shinji, sweetie, look at me. Look!"

"M-Maya?" Reality began to intrude on his fears, "I…Asuka?"

"When you were unconscious, something went wrong with your power," Maya's voice remained calm, steady, and without accusation. "Ritsuko was trying her best to bring you back to us, and because she was in the room you bonded her to you."

"It doesn't bother me," the former bottle-blonde offered, hoping the statement would help. "Before everything, you, Maya, and I were looking to spend more time together anyway. This way, we can catch a movie in the theater and talk about how horrible the science is without disturbing the other patrons."

"She's in his soul?" Asuka's face hardened as she considered Ritsuko, "And he didn't choose to let you in there?"

"The other option was trusting the woman none of us trust, a competent warrior who is not a terribly accomplished physician, or a starship captain whose best technology would have taken at least twice as long to recover him as it took me if it even worked at all," Ritsuko's statement of defense was given in the same calm tone that Maya had adopted. "We don't know how he does the things he does, and I'm almost positive he doesn't either. If we're all honest with ourselves, I think we'll all agree that removing Shinji from the situation he was in is worth the price paid."

"Says the woman that has a direct line to the most sacred space imaginable," the redhead hugged him tighter. "You made the choice for him, lady. Accidentally violating him doesn't make him any less violated!"

"Nobody violated anybody," Maya declared with enough volume to end the debate. "Shinji, sweetie," when his eyes returned to her, she smiled comfortingly, "life happened. Ritsuko loves you, which you'd know if you'd listen to her song instead of to the bad voices in your mind, and forgives you for whatever you think you did."

"Eagerly and without reservation," Ritsuko clasped her hands before her waist. "I would do it again, if it meant getting you out of what Maya has described to me faster. It is no different than risking radiation exposure to save a dying patient. The reward, saving you, is worth the risk, hearing your voice in my mind."

"It is not merely hearing his voice," Eve pulsed into being, seated atop the nearby desk as she toyed with her hair. "Those he bonds are forever tied to him, granted immortality and agelessness to serve at his pleasure. They feed him power, grant him might, and should he regard them fondly enough, they may dwell within his Domain for all time."

Both Ritsuko and Maya asked the same question at the same time, "I'm immortal?!"

"Oh the things the bitch left out," Eve's sigh hefted her more prominent assets appealingly. "To bond someone, he must love them. To love them, he must see the good in them, the benefit they would provide him by existing around him. It is not just _lust_ , as this gift is not given with the intent of fornication. It is love, the kind that hurts us when it is not returned." She smiled knowingly as she considered Maya, "That this doctor 'Rose' brought down was not similarly bonded might have been a clue, hmm?"

Shinji shook off his silence, "Why can't I speak with the Aspects?" Ritsuko was bonded, it was done. He couldn't shove that balloon back in the bottle. He'd deal with the fallout, but now he had a chance to ask someone who might know more about the inside of his soul, "You have to know why I can access their power, but not speak with them."

"If I were to guess," she pouted cutely, "it's because they've sealed themselves off to protect themselves. While you were…indisposed, they were vulnerable. Is there one you regard more…fondly? I might search for them, inside of you."

"Ireul," he answered without hesitation.

"…Only you, Shinji Ikari, would love _Terror_ more than any other." Slipping off the desk, she approached with a dancer's grace, "Might a humble servant be blessed to touch Your person, Your Grace?" Affecting Ireul's mode of communication, she bowed appealingly, "We wish only to see what Your soul has done."

"How about we don't," Asuka planted herself between Shinji and her own passenger. "I'm not finding a lot of reason to trust you either, Madam Wears-no-clothes. You might have told us about this shit before, so that we could warn him."

"Child," Eve sighed in irritation, "I do not know what they do not know. I see no need to share all of my knowledge with you, as it would stunt your growth and reduce the chances of you finding 'normalcy'. Had any asked me, I would gladly have shared my knowledge of these matters, but I find little use in randomly blathering about facts that are not germane to the conversation at hand."

Shinji's brain triggered another thought, as the back of his mind continued to absorb the information she'd shared, "Agelessness?"

"Hikari," Maya picked up on his concern, covering her mouth over as she realized what had been done without knowing the costs.

+++++ 14th Angel + 25: Saturday (114)

"And it won't hurt?" Hikari sat at the writing desk in the room she shared with Shinji and Maya, listening to Rose's sales pitch.

"No more than your time in that machine where they detected the tumor," spinning her finger around her head, the pink-skinned newlywed shrugged. "It's non-invasive, low-energy, and can be done and over with in about half an hour."

She frowned, "Then why was it going to take as many days for Shinji as minutes for me?"

"Because his mind is a great deal more complex than either of ours, now," her answer was honest and direct. "It's the difference between one of those crossword puzzles Sakura enjoys, and one intended for someone your age. It takes more time to fill in his, because there is simply far more there. It was taking even longer, because he was gaining new information the entire time, like mapping a crossword puzzle that's having new blocks added around the ones you've already filled in."

Hikari folded in on herself some, "Which is my fault."

"It's a long life you're looking at, Hikari, I guarantee you that mistakes will be made during that existence." Cradling her wife's jaw, Rose smiled in understanding, "I haven't even begun to explain the bad things I've done over the span of my life. I didn't earn my ship without cost, and I promise you…it gets better so long as you try to learn from your mistakes."

 _Light?_ Shinji's voice in her mind startled Hikari, as she was still unused to hearing him without seeing him, _Are you there?_

 _We're here, my love,_ the desperation in his voice worried her. _Rose was just telling me that she might be able to quiet the visions. I was wanting to talk to you about it._

 _I…Hikari, this is worse than we thought._ His heart seemed to be in pain as he spoke, _Everyone I bond, according to Eve, becomes ageless. Light…I've…I've locked you into seventeen years old for the rest of time._

"Oh," speaking aloud, she saw Rose's frown. _That's…._ She searched for the right word, giving up quickly when she realized that Shinji now had another burden on his shoulders, should he feel that he'd robbed her of something, _I hope you weren't waiting for me to grow any taller, then. It sounds like I'll always be the 'young' wife._

 _Husband,_ Rose stepped into the conversation, _if this is true, and I'm not entirely sold on the idea, then this is more proof that Lilith was lying to us. She offered Maya immortality, as did I. Maya didn't want you to have to face eternity alone, and was making her own choices for herself as she tends to. But Maya had already been bonded, which would mean the offer was worthless. Give me some time, I'll draw samples from everyone and we'll test this out. The physical markers should be easy to find._

 _I'm so sorry, Hikari,_ he was dejected. _Please, whatever you decide to do about the visions I support you. It's your mind, your life. I've already fouled it up enough._

Her response was as much for him as it was to begin earning back his trust, _Stop being silly, my love._ She layered every ounce of affection as she could over the thought, _Do you know how many women would sacrifice kittens to remain youthful and beautiful forever? I'll be eternally in the spring of my life, by the best man in all of the galaxy, safe and secure in the knowledge that he finds me extremely sexually attractive._ Winking at Rose, she threw on the cherry, _Besides, twenty years from now I'll still be able to fit in my school uniform so we can engage in a little roleplay._

The lengthy pause that followed was devoid of both contact and potential context. Rose frowned as she tried to understand what Hikari might have meant, and Hikari crossed her fingers that what was a nearly universal fetish might hold some sway over her husband. Both women began to become concerned as the seconds ticked onwards.

 _Maya…is enthusiastic about the idea._ He hesitated for a moment, _I am still sorry for limiting your growth, Hikari…but I am glad that you do not seem angry. It's your body, your life. I won't be a hypocrite. I need to go, we need to start the tests. Rose, take care of our wife, please._

 _Always,_ [Song]. Rose rubbed Hikari's shoulder as the connection dropped, "So, that's two medical procedures. Are we going ahead with this? It's your call."

Hikari nodded firmly, "We are. If we can stop this from harming me, maybe we can stop it from harming Shinji."

+++++ 14th Angel + 25: Saturday (114)

"Not thrilled about climbing back in," Shinji replied on the gantries. Standing next to Asuka by Unit-02, he scowled as he considered his own Eva. "I know I need to. We need to be ready to handle the next month and a half." Gripping her shoulder, he looked down at her with concern, "I need to protect my wingman."

"That's a two-way street, you," rapping her knuckles against his chest, she raised an eyebrow. "I'm not going to put up with people hurting you, and I'm not going to change my mind. You and I need to spend more time together, because for everything you've done for me you aren't letting anyone around you do it for you."

"I need to make my own decisions, Two." The Lead Pilot crept out a bit in his tone, "I've jumped eyebrows deep in this mess because I kept trusting that everyone else could handle my life for me. I agree, I need people to back me up, but that needs to be _support_ and not leading me by the nose."

"Active support," she countered, not willing to back down. "If you know me as well as you say you do, Paladin, you know I'm not going to sit on my hands. I see people hurting you, I'm engaging. I see people _about_ to hurt you, I'm engaging. You look me in the eyes and tell me you aren't going to do the same for me. You lie to me and say that you're going to sit back and watch as I'm torn apart by…." Cutting herself off as he winced painfully, she softened her tone, "Hey," patting his chest, she placed herself before him, "hey. Remember when you are, right? We're here. This is the only reality. Everything else is a bad dream."

"I sat there and cried while you were dissected, Asuka," his coarse rumble was pained. "I didn't _try_. After Misato was murdered, with everyone dying around me…I just sat there and waited for the end. I failed you." Hanging his head, he clenched his hands into balls of anger, "I'm angry with everyone for things, sure…but I _hate_ myself most of all. So many memories I have revolve around my being pathetic." Opening his eyes, he looked down at her, "You're not them. But am I so certain I'm not who I always have been?"

"Hate to push, but we're burning daylight here," Misato's voice sounded over both pilot's wrist-speakers. "Need you to get in the giant robot, Shinji."

Lifting her wrist to flick the switch that would allow her to speak back up to the bridge, Asuka began as she meant to carry on, "Oh, I'm terribly sorry but it appears that through sheer volume of abuse the only reasonable example of manhood in this wretched city needs a little more time to adjust to a non-emergency situation. Perhaps we could stuff the tampon back in and calm the fuck down up there?!" Muting her speaker, and taking his wrist to do the same, she glared up at the bridge, while speaking to him, "You are not pathetic. A pathetic man allows life to beat him down without getting back up. A pathetic man doesn't fight to save lives. A pathetic man doesn't hold a broken woman as her tenuous grip on reality crumbles around her." Looking back to him, her glare changed to glowing confidence, "I would not love a pathetic man. I am Asuka Langley Soryu, and I am the best woman on Earth. The best woman on Earth, would not lower herself to dally with _pathetic_."

 _The perfect man doesn't need to sully himself with trash._ "Aren't we the pair…Asuka." He smiled, the pain of one memory fighting with the raging confidence being instilled in him by the woman before him.

"Best thing to happen to this rathole," balling up her fists and beating him softly with the flats against his chest, she grinned. "Now. What are you?"

Taking a deep breath, he stood up taller, "A Paladin."

She nodded, "And what do Paladins do?"

Chuckling, he smiled, "Get back up after getting our asses kicked."

"You're damn right," she laughed. "Now, you ready?"

He considered the question, and the woman before him. She wasn't anything like the Asuka he'd known before, nor anything like the Asuka he'd been married to in many different lives. She was confidence and fire, true, but it was all tempered with purpose. She had her target, and she wouldn't miss her shot, "With you by my side…how couldn't I be?"

+++++ 14th Angel + 25: Saturday (114)

Once again in the saddle of Unit-01, Shinji waited for the connection to begin. Surrounded by LCL, taking slow, calm breaths, he knew that whatever he was about to experience…it was temporary. He'd spent more years than had ever existed being shredded to pieces by visions of realities that one being alone had murdered. He'd spent years alone, watching as his guests struggled in vain to reach him. He'd spent months 'alone' in a house with two dynamic, equally broken women. He just had to keep in sight that one, unchangeable truth: this too, shall pass.

As the sled ascended to the surface, the decision made to perform the initial connections where Unit-02 could engage and stop Unit-01 from causing more structural damage than absolutely necessary should Shinji suffer a malfunction, he kept his mind from dwelling on pain. They were here. Beside him. Each and every 'Shinji' from uncountable universes rode with him. They hated him for existing. For being what they could not be. He, however, had to accept that they weren't there in _his_ reality. He would not live their lives. He would not make their mistakes. He would live his own life. Make his own mistakes. He would grow. He would learn. He would do his best.

"Shoulder's doing much better, Science," Asuka's voice broke into his thoughts. "I think Engineering got the flaw this time."

The only other Eva pilot on the planet continued to confound him, even on a world where she supported him as fiercely as she had ever derided him. Not seeming to struggle with Unit-02 as she typically did, with a synchronization ratio that was near to ninety percent, she provided her own source of mystery. In the world he'd come from, the vision of that future burned into his mind, she'd plummeted to the point where she couldn't even activate the beast. She'd fallen to despair as her entire purpose for being was taken from her. She'd slit her wrists, attempting to kill herself and in the end lay comatose as the world prepared to murder them for the sin of emerging victorious against the Angels.

But she'd recovered, in the end. She'd climbed from the pit of despair to dance one last, glorious, dance against the MP series of Evas. She'd never stood a chance, and they had toyed with her to show her how pathetic her defiance was in the face of overwhelming numbers. Ultimately she'd died a warrior's death, cursing her enemy with her final breath as she was brutally murdered. As gruesome as it was inspirational, he was simply glad that she'd never have to suffer that ignominy. He'd keep her alive. He'd protect her. Because she…. And there it was. The reason she was able to pilot so well laid bare before him. She had a purpose. A reason to fight.

She had him.

"There you are, slacker," Asuka's laugh was friendly, free of any barbs, as he emerged from the ground near to where she was. She would always be more comfortable teasing than she would be with her honest emotions, and that was just fine by him. "You ready to show them you're just fine?"

Keeping his hands in his lap, he took one last breath, "You know me, Two. I'm always ready to remind you who the top pilot is."

"Oh, ho, ho! A challenger appears," he could sense Unit-02's approach as she exuded confidence in him. "Well then. Let's get this show on the road so you can make me dinner after I win the competition."

 _Let her play, Kitten._ With the thought sent to his wife, he set everything in motion, "Ok. Ready for A-Ten."

 _Shinji, I need you to remember to speak to us if you feel something odd, ok?_ Ritsuko's voice carried her concern for his wellbeing, as well as a strong strain of fondness. _Playing is all good and well, but we are very serious about not having a repeat of three weeks ago. If I have to pull the plug on this, I will._

"Beginning connections," Maya announced. _She's right, Pup. None of us want you to push. This starts looking bad, we're stopping everything dead._

The clank as man met machine was far louder than it had ever been, echoing outward into eternity as everything once more shifted blue. Whereas before, however, he'd soon collapsed as he was greeted by all of existence, the blue-shift quickly reversed, and he once more stood as a full and distinct being. He was Unit-01. Unit-01, was him. Looking around, he felt his mind and body work as one. "It's quiet."

"Ok, I don't understand," he heard Misato's voice, the flames of caution and care, as if she were standing directly next to him. "Why is that reading 'zero zero'? How is he moving the Eva around if he isn't synchronized with it? I saw that number climb like a rocket, he shot past three ninety at least before the numbers dropped back down to zero zero."

There were no voices in his mind, no memories of the past or future. There was no anxiety, or fear. He was above such things. He had but to will them different, and different they would become. "It's…so small."

"Steady on, Lead," Asuka moved in front of him, waving him to stand still. The discordance in her voice was gone, there, instead, stood the bonfire he'd long felt her to be, "Talk to me. How's it feeling in Paladin World?"

"I'm fine," he shook his head, meaning Unit-01's head, and shrugged. "I'm just…whole."

 _Pup?_ Maya's voice intruded on his solitude, _Pup, you're not responding. Please tell me you're ok, the Eva's not responding to the kill commands, and the growling is becoming disturbing._

 _What? No, no…. I'm fine._ Stepping back from Asuka, he began to use Sign as he sent his thoughts to his wife, _I've been speaking. I haven't been growling. I think I'm…I think I've always been Unit-01. We're the same, when I sync with her. Does that make sense?_

"Oh…crabapples," Maya's voice sounded over the intercom. "Ok, we have a new problem. Paladin and Unit-01 aren't at 'zero', they've become unified. He's not asleep in the cockpit, he's not in his body."

"Zero zero," Ritsuko groaned. "The MAGI are trying to interpret infinity without the ability to express it properly. That's going to cause some communications issues, among other things. Having him speak through us, to then send his intent to Asuka, could prove fatal."

 _I will not allow her to die,_ Shinji signed firmly, as he sent the thought out.

"Ok, we need to pull the plug on this, right now." Misato's statement was not a 'request' or a 'possibility', the sub-commander was issuing a direct order, "Get it done, people. I want him out of there."

 _I'm fine,_ Shinji sighed. _I'm just trying to adjust my perspective._

Following translation, Misato reiterated her point, "Plug. Pulled. Now."

"I'm going to need to learn whatever version of Sign Language he's using," Asuka walked him back to the sled he'd arrived on. "Looks like I've got my next challenge, at least. Don't worry, Paladin. We know what we're facing now, and I know you can overcome it."

Carefully allowing the magnetic clamps to hold him in place, he sent the thought alone, _Ok. I don't know how you're going to disconnect me, but I'm ready for it._

"Still not responding to input," Ritsuko announced, for the benefit of everyone unable to hear his mind. "We're going to need to troubleshoot this carefully, ma'am. We can't be certain how he's going to react to any attempted intrusions into the interface."

 _I can't see the interface, Rits._ Shinji found the situation mildly amusing, _As far as I'm concerned, I'm looking out towards the East. Lovely view of the lake, and the mountains._ He smiled, _I think I'd like to vacation there more often. Oh, the three of us could go swimming there! You, Maya, and I. What do you think, Kitten?_

"Shifting focus off of intrusion, I'm going to try to bring up a diagnostic." _I think Misato is going to pop a blood vessel. She can't hear how calm you are, Pup._

 _Yes, yes,_ he focused on standing still. _But my idea. It's very peaceful there. We'll have to wait until next year, with…huh. You know, it's cold. I think the Aspects are still…oh hey._ With clarity and peace came new ideas, _Ireul, are you there?_ He waited several seconds, then sighed, _I guess not. Anyway,_ he perked right back up, _I think they're still working on changing the weather back to normal. Or I am. …Maybe the Aspects are just a part of me, too. Would that mean I have multiple personalities? Wait…does that mean I'm in love with myself?_

Listening to him speak, Ritsuko couldn't find it in herself to really worry, "Sub-Commander, he's fine. Right now he's actually having an existential discussion regarding an issue completely unrelated to the matter at hand. Lieutenant Colonel Ikari and I will continue our efforts on this front. Why don't you focus on running Unit-02 through some drills with the bridge staff, so we're not wasting everyone's time?"

+++++ 14th Angel + 25: Saturday (114)

"Found it," Rose announced, relaying the results of the brain scan. "She says she's never seen the like, even in the theoretical journals, but partitioning it off shouldn't be a problem." Holding her fingers barely apart, she continued, "It's exceptionally small, for something causing such huge distress."

Kodama, who had been invited in as someone who might be interested in having something similar done, shrugged, "We don't fully understand the human body. Not the why or the what, but we especially don't understand the human brain. It wouldn't shock me that something smaller than a human hair going 'wrong' would cause a massive problem."

"So, how can we go about stopping it?" The notion of being free of the horrible thoughts was immensely appealing, and Hikari wanted desperately to hope that it was possible, "Another surgery? Do I need to visit your ship?"

"Nothing that complex," Rose laughed. "She's preparing the pill now. Machines no bigger than a micrometer will affix themselves to the area and produce a signal that limits the area's own signal. When, or if, you want to have them removed it's as simple as sending them a signal to self-terminate, and your body's own waste processes will eliminate them without any problems. We use these machines all the time to prevent cancers, so they're very safe."

Kodama tilted her head, "And you use a pill? Not a shot?"

The pink-skinned captain shrugged, "Lower risk of infection. The pill dissolves well before it hits the stomach, allowing the machines to make their way into the blood vessels, through the blood-brain barrier, and onto target. A shot may introduce them to a vein directly, but it risks also introducing foreign agents that we don't intend to carry there." She grinned, "I asked the same question once, so I know that answer."

"I hope it works," Hikari barely kept herself from bouncing with excitement.

+++++ 14th Angel + 25: Saturday (114)

 _Ultimately, I think that's the answer. I'm terrified of being the object of affection, but I desire deeply to be needed._ Shinji had pulled himself free of the sled, turned to the West, and sat down to watch the sun set in the distance, _I don't see the balance because I've weighted everything so far from center that there's no possible hope of finding enough ballast to bring things towards where I am. I give, and I give, but always because I want to see others happy. Never because I hope that by giving I'll actually find my own joy. I'm not saying I want empty sex, I want it to be meaningful when I share such intimacy, but maybe I really do need to just let go and enjoy my time with the women in my life who want to enjoy their time with me. Like Ritsuko. I mean, the only reason she and I haven't done anything is because she was either a puppet or our timing was off. She likes Hikari, and you, Maya. Might have a problem with Kodama agreeing though, she's still very defensive over that entire time. That'd leave either Suzuka or Rose to convince._

Maya could feel the heat from Ritsuko's cheeks despite the meter and a half distance between them, _Pup, do_ you _want to ask Ritsuko to try dating us? You mentioned our earlier disagreements, but not what you want yourself._ Typing furiously to find a way to force the connection to end, she had to stop herself from laughing at the absurdity of her husband psychoanalyzing himself as if he was drunk or high. _Remember, we can't help you if we don't know what you want._

 _Oh, I'd enjoy spending more time with her, absolutely. But that's not the point, is it?_ He sighed, _Every person I bring into the relationship loses autonomy to some extent. I mean, what if she wants to date more men? I already know I'm incredibly uncomfortable with that, and it's a hard and fast rule from three of the women in the house at least._

Ritsuko couldn't stop herself from asking the obvious, _Three?_

 _Hikari, Maya, and Kodama,_ Shinji clarified pleasantly. _I haven't asked Suzuka or Rose, and wouldn't dare presume to answer for them. But Hikari has threatened to evict one of the other women in my marriage should they bring one home, Kodama has threatened violence against the man that tries something with her, and Maya has stated very clearly that she is only interested in me. Otherwise she's exclusively into other ladies. Which probably says something about me, honestly. Huh. Never really thought about that, am I not-_

"Got it!" Maya announced as the Eva slumped backwards to the ground, the connection between Shinji and Unit-01 severed, "I got it!"

"That… _hurts_ ," Shinji's voice drifted through the speakers.

"Asuka, get him on the sled," Misato sighed. Looking between her two science officers, she scratched at her scalp, "All right, what happened?"

Muting their microphones, Maya covered for Ritsuko, "He reached a level of connection with Unit-01 that could only be explained theoretically. It's beyond the four hundred percent threshold, beyond any of the models we've come up with. The longer he spent conjoined with what he calls 'her', the more peaceful he became. It's why he eventually gave up on standing still and just sat down."

"We…can't go into further detail regarding his mental state," Ritsuko added, once more in control of her capillaries. "Beyond saying that it was altered to an extent. His topics of conversation all revolved around very personal subjects that are not suitable for discussion with anyone he has not shared them with."

The sub-commander nodded, "Could he fight like that?"

"Without question," Maya watched as her husband was carefully picked up by Unit-02. "He was being who he is at heart, ma'am. If someone was threatening people, that would end very poorly for them. I will say that a number of things he mentioned were very specifically about making certain that nobody was harmed, and how he worried that he himself might be harming people."

Asuka interrupted, a note of concern in her voice, "Hey, Science, your husband's in place. You seeing his feed? He looks…rough."

"I'm fine," Shinji groaned out as the lift descended. "I just…never thought I'd prefer the days where I was just dizzy when we disconnected."

"Go," Misato waved both Ritsuko and Maya off towards the gantries. "The Corpsmen are shorthanded at the moment, take care of him." Flipping the intercom back on, she rolled her hand, "Bring it into the barn, Asuka. We're done for the day."

+++++ 14th Angel + 25: Saturday (114)

"I'm not overly concerned," Shinji shook his head, depressurizing his suit and letting it fall away. With his wife and Ritsuko as the only people in the room, he stepped out of his 'work clothes' and sat down on the medical gurney. "Beyond the fact that you are both medical professionals, I've already been naked with each of you more than once." Wincing, he swung his legs up and laid back, "It's…like the worst sunburn ever. My entire body feels like it's been laced with stinging pain."

"I need to touch," Ritsuko already had her gloves on, glad that Shinji wasn't making a fuss over her presence. "Okay?"

Rolling his head slightly towards her, he sighed, "I. Don't. Care." Trying to relax, he couldn't quite get his muscles to unclench, "I've just spent the last few hours spilling my innermost thoughts, if you honestly think I care that a woman I have millions of lives worth of sexual memories with is touching me I don't know what else I can say to put you at ease."

Maya pulled a rolling stool over, sitting down at the head of the bed where she wouldn't be in the way, "So you remember what you were saying?"

"Yeah. I do." Closing his eyes, he took in a sharp breath as the doctor felt his pulse, "I am sorry for…all of this, Rits. You didn't ask to be a part of me, you didn't ask to be immortal, you didn't ask to hear my inner monologue." His last words were a whisper, "No one should have this kind of power. Not over others, not even over themselves."

"If I had to choose someone to have it, Shinji," the former blonde shifted her touch to his forehead, feeling his general temperature, "you're probably the only person I'd pick. Maybe Maya, in a pinch, but she has a tendency to turn into a rampaging despot when she feels someone's threatened her family. You prefer diplomacy, even when you're tired. Eyes open. Besides," she shifted her finger back and forth for him to follow, "I believe I would enjoy the idea of dating you, Hikari, and Maya. A steady income, appropriate manners, healthy cooking, and intelligent conversation. If we can somehow find a way to explore beyond this planet, immortality would be made far better by those benefits."

"Here's the problem," Shinji reached up and took her hand gently, ignoring the pain to add a human touch to his dilemma, "I _just_ got through telling my wives that we needed clarity on our situation. Nobody," he felt Maya look down at her hands as Ritsuko laid her free hand on his thigh, "told me that I had done this to you. Now, despite saying that I needed everything to slow down, I already have another woman tied into my soul. By my own hand. It sets a terrible example for the other people who have agreed to not act so hastily."

Fully intending on providing an active defense should any of her wives make an issue out of the entire scenario, Maya looked back up and began to speak, "We aren't going to blame you for-"

The lab door opened, admitting Asuka and Eve, "I'm just saying you need to not pop in and out of existence without giving me some sort of warning! Blow some trumpets, make the sound of a…." The redheaded pilot caught sight of the scene before them. Maya looking at Shinji with imploring, sad eyes. Shinji holding Ritsuko's hand with pain clearly marked across his face. And last, Ritsuko with one hand far too close to certain areas of Shinji's person for Asuka's preference, smiling with what Asuka believed to be condescending amusement.

Shinji took note of the rage as it built on his former housemate's face, the signs of Mount Asuka preparing to erupt extraordinarily familiar to him after having been in the 'splash zone' for far too many of her outbursts. When she, instead, turned around and crossed her arms, he was beyond impressed.

"Ten words or less," she ground out in a level tone, "why is he naked, and why are you touching him."

"Medical examination, and because he gave me permission," Ritsuko replied simply.

"His skin, to him, feels like he's been very badly sunburnt, Asuka. We're limiting things that would exacerbate that while we deal with complex issues arising from recent events," Maya wasn't pleased at the interruption, feeling that Shinji had valid concerns that were now harder to address because Asuka was determined to interject herself into his life on her own terms.

Eve, who had not turned around, was admiring the art. Walking over as if on a runway, she looped around the examination bed to the side Maya was on, "He's compressing himself back into this limited form." Extending her hand and showing it purposefully to him, she slowly lowered it to his chest so that he wouldn't mistake her intent for an attack.

The instant her skin touched his, the pain vanished and his muscles all relaxed as endorphins rushed through his system. A shuddering sigh followed as his eyes shut, "What…did…you do?"

"Realigned what you refer to as an A.T. Field with your body," leaving her hand on his chest, she smiled charmingly. "It is a simple trick that I would have presumed the bitch would teach you to manage on your own. Those of us who naturally walk the halls of Creation in this form need to know how to do this, so that when we expand to our full size we do not have this dilemma upon shrinking down." Setting her fingers to lightly caressing him, she frowned with a cute purse of her lips, "All of those memories, but not one of her teaching you something so simple?"

"All right, all right, all right," Asuka spun around and clapped her hands as she approached, "enough touching." Slapping away Eve's limb, she took Shinji's hand from Ritsuko and set it down too, "He's not in pain. Give the man some dignity here, where's the sheet?"

Reaching to the shelf underneath the table, Maya pulled out a crisp, white, bed linen and handed it over, "Was there something you needed, Asuka? You normally take longer in the shower after being in the LCL."

Flicking the bed covering out, she settled it over Shinji and patted his shoulder, "I'm concerned about him, obviously. I told you, and him, that I wasn't going to let him be hurt anymore if I could do anything. I'm a damn doctor too, just like Squeaky Toy here," she cast her thumb to Ritsuko.

"Asuka…." Freeing one hand, Shinji tried to follow through on his obligations to the woman he'd unintentionally snared into his life, "One, thank you for caring enough to try and help. Two, nobody was acting inappropriately. Three, congratulations on your thesis paperwork being accepted. And last," he gestured to Ritsuko, "those are real."

"They are not," Asuka scoffed. Pointing at the swimsuit-wearing former blonde, she rolled her eyes, "Nobody floats like that at that size."

"Swimming," Ritsuko smirked, inwardly thrilled that Shinji was standing up for her, "it is a healthy cardio workout, and it helps tone the muscles responsible for preventing sagging." Taking his hand again to check his pulse, she changed her smirk to a smile as she looked down at her patient, _Thank you, Shinji. I never respond to her barbs because I don't feel like getting in a slap fight with a teenager suffering from a host of genuine mental health issues, but it's wonderful to be defended by such a gentleman._ "Your pulse has come down. How are you feeling?"

"Better." Turning to consider the passenger in Asuka's mind, he nodded his gratitude, "Thank you. I will have to spend some time learning how to do that, so I don't hurt so badly in the future. Is that what was causing me to be dizzy, before?"

Eve glowed as she absorbed genuine praise from someone more powerful than her, "Oh me, oh my, it could absolutely cause dizziness. Your body is attempting to realign its sense of self, and the sensations you are used to experiencing have been cut drastically as you shrink. Not," she ran a hand along his leg, "that you're _small_ in this form."

"You, no touching," Asuka pointed at Eve. Turning her ire on Ritsuko, she rolled her hand, "Do you need to keep measuring his pulse, or are you just going to admit you enjoy holding his hand?"

"Asuka," Shinji's voice hardened as he sat up and faced his wingman, "stop." When the former blonde went to release him, he rolled his hand to take hers and hold it steady, "Whether you like it or not, she's a part of my soul now. A side effect, the degree of misfortune inherent is likely up to the person experiencing it, is that there is a great deal of affection that comes from being so intimately tied to someone. I _feel_ her. I could, in a dark room with a blindfold on and earplugs in, point directly to her as she moved around. I know what she's feeling, and as hard as I try to stop myself from dwelling on it because I don't feel I deserve it, I know she's interested in being a bigger part of my life."

Maya stood, placing herself where she could support her husband in setting boundaries, "It's not what anyone likely wants, in their heart of hearts Asuka. I know that I'm mature enough to admit I'd rather have him all to myself." Scooping up his free hand, she pressed her engagement ring into his palm to keep him quiet, "But life has not given us that option, and so we _choose_ to accept what we are given. Might he do better with one wife, and one wife alone? Possibly. He has five, and none of us are stepping back from what we've committed to. If, in the future, he gains a sixth that is between his wives and him." Turning her gaze to Ritsuko, she set out the first and most important expectation, "Because in our marriage, we're all equals."

Ritsuko returned her consideration with the same smile she'd given to Shinji, "There are worse women to be considered the equal of. Now, let's get the LCL off you quickly and go pretend we know what we're doing."

+++++ Author's Notes

KinZer0: RE: Lover's Dub

Very "Walking around town" and/or Katamari Damacy playing music. Very enjoy. Much listen. Amaze.

JaceSterne:

RE: Length

Rather personal question to ask a man, isn't it? The chapter sat at 11,200 words, all told, which is certainly not as long as the 18,604 word of Ch. 92, or the 6,359 of Ch. 17. I truly am trying to keep it so that my chapters aren't aggressively long, nor so short that they are unfulfilling. If I missed that mark this time, I apologize.

RE: Lilith's and Tabris' veracity.

The truth according to whom? Shinji can detect when someone's lying, certainly. As Ghost Man pointed out in one of his reviews recently, what happens when the person lying doesn't know they're lying? How far back can the lie go before it becomes true? Beware false confidence.

RE: Suzuka.

She is indeed 'suffering in silence'.

Deathwish911:

RE: Extra-canon immigrants.

Thank you, I try to include cameos from series that I enjoyed, or inspired me somehow.

RE: "But I love how you did your OC's".

Thank you, I think. Grammatically I'm hoping that there was more to that sentence, as in "But I [also] love how you did your OC's." And not "But I [don't] love how you did your OC's." One makes me smile, the other makes me apologize.

origamishishou:

RE: Stripping Harry Potter.

Chances of me making J.K. Rowling money is vanishingly small. Probably because I don't have the time to engage in the hustle necessary to write something like that, market it, deal with the publisher, improve my atrocious grammar, deal with the editor, 'punch up' the comedy, force myself to deal with the nonsense that is modern online politics, find a distributor that wasn't afraid of a cabal of gatekeepers, and then accept that my life was never destined to be private again. The money might make up for it…or it might not.

RE: Suzuka.

Immortals are funny creatures.

RE: Raffle.

I'm seeing the groundwork for a grassroots petition for me to choose a path that leads to her return somehow. I'm not kidding when I say I didn't see this coming. Really didn't think she'd resonate.

RE: Tabris.

Kaworu did most of the talking, and Shinji continues to have the same problem that nobody's taken him aside and addressed. It'll be interesting to see how that bold strategy plays out for him.

Ghost Man:

RE: MST3K.

I'm finding your reviews to be excellent reminders of the story so far as I read through them. Please forgive me for not appending commentary to the end of the chapter in equal amounts, because I'd likely write more there than I did here.

RE: Ch. 72 "War and Peace".

Suzuka has lived through a great deal, and has taken valuable lessons from her experiences. That and she paid attention to the Treaty of Versailles.


	114. Chapter 114

+++++ 14th Angel + 25: Saturday (114)

"This doesn't spark joy, ladies," Misato sat on the edge of her desk, considering the group before her. "One, I should have been informed as soon as our intel changed on who we trust. Two, I don't like the idea of him needing intervention by untrusted individuals after every test or battle. Three, why haven't I had a hug yet?"

Standing as Misato held her arms open, Shinji crossed from the couch in her office to lift her from the ground in the kind of bear hugs she herself was partial to giving, "Because I don't want to rush things, Misato. Hugs should be given appropriate care, rush them too much and people wonder if you're just giving it out of obligation." Several memories bubbled to the surface, and he held her tighter, "Thank you for quitting drinking. You are an incredibly strong woman, and you need neither validation from another person nor crutches to be so."

"I don't need it," she whispered into his neck, "but receiving validation from a strong man helps, from time to time." Letting herself be set back down on the desk, she shared a warm smile with him as he stepped out of her way. "We can't do much about number one, apparently," she turned her attention back to the other women before her, "so what can we do about the last item?"

"The short answer? Nothing." Ritsuko shrugged, "Plug depth doesn't matter, and he shot straight from basal connection to full unification as soon as we cleared the A-Ten circuit. Learning to adapt to his size is apparently a skill that should have been taught to him by our unwanted guest, and we can use the same technique Lieutenant Colonel Ikari used to remove him from Unit-01 each time. It's replicable, and secure enough that I doubt anyone would be able to weaponize it."

"He has to _want_ to be separated," Maya explained. "If he needs to be in the Eva during combat, I don't foresee him being eager to evacuate Unit-01 for any reason."

Eve, having held her tongue, chose that moment to ask her own question, "You don't trust me, Misato dear?" She affected a wounded appearance, "Why wouldn't you? I've been honest with you, and even helped stop Tabris' plots."

Misato deadpanned her response, not interested in games, "You're an Angel, and I kill Angels. It's in the charter."

"So cold," transporting herself instantly over to where Shinji stood, she hugged him tightly, "Shinji, tell the poor, confused, woman that I'm telling the truth." Looking up at him through half-lidded eyes, she oozed adulation, "I'm not working with the bitch, and I only wish to serve you in _whatever_ ways you desire me to."

Her song spoke clearly, and it was with no small amazement that he responded, "She's telling the truth."

"She wants to get laid, Shinji," Asuka groaned. "How can you ignore that?"

"Because he knows when someone's lying." Settling herself under his arm, Eve gave her current host a triumphant grin, "It's part of how his soul interacts with everyone around him, passively. Those few," she gestured to Ritsuko and Maya, "that reside within his soul have an even more difficult time hiding anything from his sight. So I would take care in what you deny, child. Otherwise he might discover your nocturnal habits of late."

Clamping his hand down on Eve's shoulder, Shinji's voice was cold steel, "We do not share other people's truths, Eve. I am cursed with knowing what I do, I will not spread their secrets around like some town gossip. Asuka has been honest in her dealings with me, and I trust her. What she does on her own time is between her and whoever she does it with."

"I am _not_ sleeping with anyone," Asuka declared loudly. "Unless you include the freeloading cunt in my head, nobody is ever in my room at night."

"And this is why we don't gossip," Shinji sighed. "Let's move on. I'm not ignoring the fact that Eve wants something from me, Asuka. I would expect to be paid for work I did too, it's why you and I accept a paycheck from the UN. What she gets is up to what she gives, the same as anyone else around here. If she cooperates, and helps you return to what you consider to be normal like you told me earlier, then it sounds like she wants to join her children in my soul. To do so, she'll have to help me figure out how to get around whatever block I've put in place. So she'll have helped you, and to be fair saved your life and mine in the process, then she'll have helped me. Once she's inside my soul, what happens between us is up to her and I. The Aspects and I have a mutualistic relationship, I'm better able to help the world the happier and healthier they are."

The redheaded pilot scowled, "You'd sleep with her? _You're married._ "

Maya intervened, not wanting this to spiral down into the typical declarations of ignorance, "Asuka, imagine a purple cow in a red barn."

"What does that…oh." Blinking, her scowl dropped to a frown, "But…she exists?"

"And she would exist as a part of him, in his mind. Ultimately, it's at best masturbation," Ritsuko agreed with her former protégé. "Telling your spouse that they can't self-pleasure is rather controlling, and not a sign of a happy, healthy, relationship."

"We would, of course, keep our mutual pleasure confined to inside of his being," Eve announced, surprisingly primly. "I would not wish to be seen as flaunting what he and I give each other, as it is most rude to take up the otherwise limited time he will have each day for the other beings he's chosen to accept." She returned her smile to him, "Not, however, that they aren't welcome to join us from time to time. A little spice does improve a marriage," her smile dropped as she looked at his chest, "it might have helped mine a little."

"Before you get _anything_ ," Shinji gently, but firmly, disengaged her from his arm, "you need to give. I want you to put your vast reserves of intellect behind restoring Asuka to full health, Eve. In fact, unless it is an emergency, that's all I want you doing. Prove your loyalty to everyone here in the process." Pausing, with his hands on her shoulders, he bent down and whispered into her ear, "No threats. No ultimatums. Nothing forcing you to do this. You want to earn my bed? Prove that you deserve it. I will not be seduced, no matter how compelling you are. _I_ choose my life, understood?"

Turning slightly to whisper into his ear in return, she warned him, "She is insidious, Great One. She works her way into your thoughts, your heart, until all you can think about is what she can give you. But she gives _nothing_. She will take, and take, and take. She will take her pleasures until you can give no more, and even you have limits. Lust, such as she offers, does not nourish any but her. _Love_ , such as you have from the waif and the madwoman on the couch, feeds you both." Stepping back and sending the thought tightly to him, she had a firm set to her jaw, _Grow in love with me, Great One, and we will both reach our goals._ "Come then, child," turning to Asuka she rolled her hand, "you and I have things to discuss."

"Please, Two," he didn't want to make it an order, but he hoped Asuka understood how serious he was, "I _need_ you to be free. If anything happens to me, you're the last hope for everyone I care for." Giving his warm smile, he softened the blow, "That includes you yourself."

"I want a quick word," she pointed to the antechamber where Misato's latest overworked aide continued on the path to insanity. "You and me, nobody else," she eyed Eve.

"I will wait within you, and ignore your discussions," the otherworldly being disappeared with a shrug.

When Asuka grabbed his wrist, he allowed himself to be hauled out of the room, _I'll be right back. Please, tell Misato I'm trying to help._ He caught Maya's subtle nod before the doorway blocked his view, "Asuka," taking a few more steps as she released his wrist, he placed his back to the aide to block their discussion, "you want her gone. I want you safe. There's at least two wins available in us doing this. What's wrong?"

"What's wrong is I'm tired of watching you be pushed into taking more people into your damn bed," she snapped. "I am not wanting her gone only to have you be forced to take her on as some form of payment. If I have to keep her for the rest of my life to stop you from taking on yet another burden, then that's what I'm doing."

"And when you die?" He tapped his chest, a sad smile on his face, "I'm immortal." Gesturing slightly towards the room, he shrugged, "So are my wife, and Ritsuko. So is Hikari, and Suzuka, and Rose. So are the Aspects." He reached out and tapped her head, "So is Eve." Lowering his hands back to his pockets, he shrugged, "I appreciate that you want to protect me. I do. But I'll never die…you only have so much life to enjoy. I'd rather accept the burdens, especially one as easy to manage as another Aspect, and give you the gift of however many decades free of them. Give you the ability to find a husband, or a wife, or both," he chuckled with another happier shrug, "let you recover. Grow. _Heal_."

Her eyes narrowed, cerulean discs considering both her own thoughts and his words, "What was the worst of these memories you gained, involving me?" She jabbed him in the stomach with her finger, "And don't you lie. I want the worst."

"Asuka, that wasn't you," Shinji shook his head. "You aren't her. Not any more than that Shinji was me."

The fire he remembered from so many lives grew inside of her, she wanted to know something, and she'd run over _anything_ in her path to find out, "Answer. My. Question."

He knew he was trapped. She wouldn't give up, not unless he physically removed her from his presence. But if he chose to do that, it would put a permanent rift between them, damaging everything they'd gained in the mutual respect they'd built. Of any facet of her personality that remained constant throughout the countless permutations, it was this: she didn't know the meaning of the word 'quit'. "You…kept me in a cage," he began slowly. "You'd let me out to cook your meals, or to clean whatever mess you'd made. Otherwise, in a cage, in a dark room with no windows, and only a single candle that you'd light only after I successfully recited a litany you'd composed without stuttering. You'd only replace the candle if I went at least a week without making a mistake, and you'd change the rules without telling me, so mistakes were nearly inevitable." His eyes began to tear up, "You'd occasionally come and talk to me, telling me about how various men only pretended to love you. How you couldn't find anyone that didn't just want your money, or your fame, or just an evening of cheap sex. You'd look at me, in those moments of sanity, and open the door. You'd beg me to leave. To run. When I stayed, you'd hit me. You'd start to scream, promise me you'd do terrible things when you 'woke up from the dream'…and then you'd start crying in my arms."

"You…stayed?" She was appalled, "Why didn't you run, Shinji?"

With a grim expression, he quoted a young man that had died along with so many others, "I mustn't run away." He could feel he had horrified her, "Asuka, you and I had managed to avert Third Impact by the skin of our teeth. There had been an outbreak of a virus that eliminated two thirds of the remaining humans, and this was after the wars following Second Impact. There was no SEELE, Europe devolved back into a bunch of fractious nations, and the North American Alliance was too focused on stopping the virus from resurfacing every summer. After the end, you and I were left alone. I had no one else…just you. Nobody else understood what we'd gone through. What Ireul did to me. What Sahaquiel's landing caused. There was nothing else, no one." Blinking away his tears, he shrugged, "You wanted the worst? It's probably subjective. That one, to me, is probably it."

She began to re-evaluate how he looked at her, "Did…did we ever have good memories?"

He nodded, "Yes. But those Asuka aren't you either." The memory of their daughter holding up a crayon drawing of a purple horse caused him to grin, before he shook his head, "No more than those Shinji are me."

"That, that right there," she challenged him. "What caused that grin?"

"You don't want to-"

Her eyes hardened, "I choose what I want, Shinji, and I want to know what you just remembered that caused that smile."

His answer was slow in coming, "Kyoko." He knew the name would hurt her, and when she winced and scowled, he tilted his head, "I told you, Asuka. You don't want to hear this."

She crossed her arms, "I'm not asking again."

"Our daughter, Kyoko Ikari. She had a knack for drawing silly scenes, with amazing detail. The problem, if you choose to view it that way, is that she always used the colorations from our Eva…though she'd never seen them once. Your plugsuit, or mine. Unit-02, or Unit-01. Horses, houses, bears. Always with the perfectly blended colors of a life we sheltered her from." His voice became regretful, "You chose the name, but you'd never told me why you chose to name her after your mother."

Her eyes explored his, "You remembered a child we had…and that caused that smile?"

"You abandoned everything to teach at a grade school in Kyoto, after we recovered from Third Impact. You dragged me along, saying that you didn't trust anyone else to take care of me." He'd never lie about his memories, "I thought it was because you wanted a live-in cook and cleaning service. It took you a year and a half to get tired of me never touching you. We had Kyoko about thirty eight weeks later. Bright pink hair, far sunnier than either of us could ever dream of being, and eventually a world-renowned artist."

"So, we had a good life, then?" She seemed to sense his hesitation.

"She wasn't you," he insisted. When her eyebrow shot up, he sighed, "Kyoko was the only reason I didn't hang myself after you left me for another teacher at your school. You and I would get into disagreements, because you were tired of me not accepting promotion opportunities. I never told you that I didn't accept them because they were always under a female supervisor who had troubles keeping her hands to herself, because I didn't want you to storm into my job and create a scene. Eventually, you decided that since I had no drive or motivation, even after ten years post-Third Impact, that you wouldn't 'waste the best years of your life on me'." His eyes grew haunted, "I fought tooth and nail to keep Kyoko. The court battles were horrifying. When it finally came up in court why I never accepted the promotions, public opinion turned on you hard. You lost your job; I was promoted to a different branch further north. I spent the rest of my life making sure our daughter was given everything…including the chance to visit you. When she died in a plane crash returning from an exhibition in Sweden, I 'opted out'."

Asuka grimaced, "This was a 'good memory'?"

"I appreciate that you're trying to help me, Asuka," he said by way of ending the conversation. "But you can help me better by finding what _you_ want in _this_ life, and by getting Eve out of your head. Leave other realities be, they were never alive, they'll never be born again, and they're just dead memories in my heart."

+++++ 14th Angel + 25: Saturday (114)

Following another half hour of discussion regarding the best way to manage future testing in Unit-01 with Misato, Ritsuko, and Maya, Shinji declared that he needed to head home. His discussions with Asuka had drained his reserves, and he had to bring Ritsuko to the house to discuss with everyone there the facts of his latest complication. Unfortunately for him, he realized as soon as he saw his Agents waiting at the parking garage that home would have to wait. He owed them more than a promise to talk later, after everything they'd done for him and his family. "Go ahead and get in the car with Rits," he quietly urged Maya. "I'm sorry, I need to own up to this."

"He's still recovering," Maya announced with the type of authority a wife wields over women not married to their spouse. "Please, be gentle."

"Wasn't planning on roughing him up," Akane raised one hand slightly from where she leaned against the pillar he'd once crushed. "Just need some answers, and to get a feel for how we're doing. Right Miki?"

Mikoto nodded, "It's not his fault that things happened. He's been in a pressure cooker for near to four months."

Changing his course away from that of his wife and latest resident of his soul, Shinji approached the agents with an air of penitence, "I'm glad you're both ok. I'm very sorry for…losing control."

"Have you ever felt like you've had a great deal of control over your life, kid?" Akane's smirk was amused, the more outgoing of the two agents had meant what she'd said. They just wanted to know that someone they cared about deeply was going to be all right after having spent half a month in a coma, followed by waking up and running for his life. "Because of anything I'd accuse you of having, control is not on the list."

"It's cute, after a fashion," Mikoto chuckled. "Able to command nations, unable to command himself."

"Cute?" Shinji was distracted by being overjoyed that their songs held no ire, the comforting banter simply how the ladies showed their affection, which caused him to miss the signs he ought to have noticed straight away, "What's so cute about a puppy pissing on itself?"

Lowering her voice, Akane broached the main topic, "Taking a shower with it afterwards."

"Lots of interesting petting, as you help him get nice and clean," Mikoto agreed.

"Long story short, kid," Akane stood upright, "we've got a problem."

"We think whoever that lady is that pulled Lieutenant Commander Chambers and Agent Haraldson out of the fire…didn't do what she said she did." Mikoto pointed to him, "You're attracted to us. Now you're confused. Now you're becoming scared."

Akane nodded, "Now you're thinking…at Lieutenant Colonel Ikari?" Her mouth dropped to a frown as Maya hopped quickly back out of the car and began jogging over with Ritsuko moving slowly behind, "Ok. We weren't hoping to make a big deal out of this." His favored agent made a soothing motion, "This isn't some form of blackmail, ma'am. We're just-"

Grabbing her husband, Maya snapped out an order, "Shut up, follow us home." Turning around as she hauled him towards the car, his wife pointed back to Ritsuko and her vehicle, "I told you to get the car started. Let's move." Climbing in the back, she left the front seat for Shinji, "Get in."

"I told you Shinji," Ritsuko smiled comfortingly at him as he sat heavily in her passenger's seat, "rampaging despot."

"Seatbelts." His wife was not in nearly as good a mood as she had been, "Get us home, Ritsuko. He's holding his anxiety off, but this day just will not end." Fitting easily in the much smaller back seat of the two-door coupe, Maya rubbed his arm, "You're doing fine, Shinji. We'll get you home, and you go straight into the bathroom. Shower, soak, let me handle getting everyone on the same page. You've been solid enough for one day, let me do the wife things."

He shook his head, dazed and simply watching the world begin to flow past as he was chauffeured home, "I…I shouldn't just storm past everyone. I just got back, I just started building trust back up."

Maya was prepared for his contrariness, "I'm already in contact with Suzuka, she's setting Tsuru and Yang to reading a pre-dinner story to Sakura-chan and Nozomi-chan. I told her it's been a rough day, and you're at your limit. She's promising to keep things quiet as you come in."

Digging his heels in, he grabbed hold of something he could try and have control over, "I said I'd take control of my life, Maya. I should be there when we're discussing the people who've been pulled into my soul."

"And you will be, Pup," changing her grip so that it was firmer, she worked his bicep. "I'm not deciding, implementing, or declaring anything until you're calmer, I won't let anyone else either. What I _am_ doing is making the situation clear to everyone so that you don't have to. Delegation, remember? Let me set the table for you, while you think as you soak on how you're going to discuss how this can work."

He couldn't argue against what he'd himself declared necessary. Looking back around his shoulder at her, he frowned nervously, "I…I trust you. I can trust you. You never…no, you're not them."

"You can always trust Maya, Shinji," Ritsuko chimed in, seeing where her former protégé was going with things. "I did, and still do. Other than you, she's the one person I've never doubted."

"You focus on not spinning up over things we can't change _right now_ ," Maya emphasized. "Let me handle setting everything up for you, let you come in with everyone on the same page, so you don't have to go over it a bit at a time. I know that's not helping you, that you feel you're finished with a topic and you have to go over it all again from the start." Keeping a slow, careful, tally of the problems he'd faced she managed to not make them seem insurmountable.

Listening to Maya explain his problems had the benefit of helping him not enter a death spiral regarding those problems. Each worry was succinctly categorized for him, explained in a manner that proved she knew exactly why it bothered him. As the car made its way home, eventually following the agents instead of leading them, he let himself be coaxed into reducing himself from an eleven on the What-The-Fuck-o-meter to somewhere closer to a seven. Things could be handled. He had talented people around him. He wasn't…he wouldn't ever be alone again.

That last thought hit at the right moment, as the car pulled up to the house and he spied Suzuka standing at the doorway with her regal expression firmly in place. He recognized her entire bearing as a woman prepared to emerge victorious from whatever she faced, or die taking her enemies with her. At the urging of his wife and driver, he climbed out of the vehicle and towards the house.

Ushering him through the entryway and main room, Suzuka kept a running commentary up, "I understand our day continues to seek new ways to challenge our decision to return from the cabin. To say that we have had to endure too much, too quickly, would be a gross understatement." Reaching his bedroom door, she urged him inside, "I will stay out here to ensure that none labor under misconceptions. You have done your duty this day, now you will rest."

As the door closed behind him, Shinji saw Hikari coming out of the bathroom. Wiping her hands dry, she did a small hop as she started from not expecting him, "Oh! Oh, Shinji," laughing delicately, she gestured back to the bathroom, "I've finished preparing everything for you. Sorry. I didn't expect you to be home quite so soon, I'll just, oh!" Crying out, once again, as she was wrapped around the waist and drawn into the bathroom with him, she looked behind her, "I was told that you would prefer to be alone."

"I would prefer many things," he was mostly operating on autopilot, and his subconscious mind wanted what had always worked in the past. "I don't get what I prefer. Not unless I take it." Sliding the door to the area closed, he set her down, "I need you here, Hikari. Yes, I'm angry. Yes, I'm scared. Yes, I'm over my limit of dealing with ever more people with a claim to me. You are still the woman I would burn the world to the ground for."

Hikari Ikari was, indeed, many things, but before all of them she was Shinji Ikari's wife. And being his wife meant that she had responsibilities to him. That those responsibilities seemed to be heading towards soaking in a tub naked with him didn't bother her too much, and she silently promised to slap herself if it ever did, "What would you have me do, my love?" With her hands clasped neatly before her stomach, she presented herself for duty.

His hands bunched and relaxed repeatedly, working himself towards calm and away from anxiety, "…Could you wash my hair?"

+++++ 14th Angel + 25: Saturday (114)

"She won't be joining us," Maya explained to Kodama tersely after receiving an explanation on her wife's whereabouts.

Ritsuko stood behind the couch, leaning on her wrists against the back of the seat, "We're still minus one."

"She's coming, but she had a lot of paperwork due and I'm already maxing out my leeway by telling General Benoit that Mikoto and I being here was necessary." Akane looked up from her phone, "It _is_ necessary, right?"

"You have access to the soul of a man who was not given a choice in your presence," Suzuka flipped Shinji's traditional phrasing of the dilemma to reflect her outlook on the situation, "would you be so callous as to not present yourself when called to account for that access?"

Mikoto, sitting on the couch to stop herself from pacing, tapped her toes to work off the energy, "We care for him too, you know. He's…confusing as all get out, but he's worth getting in trouble for. We just want to be certain we can defend our statement morally. Legally this is easily justifiable since it appears Principle Alpha is in distress. That's carte blanche to do what we need to. But I've been pounding on ethics lately, making sure we're not becoming the old Section Two again."

Maya was surprised at hearing the typically laconic agent speak so many words at once, "As far as we know, the number of people Shinji has bonded has doubled. If there are others, we haven't discovered them yet. How long before she arrives? I'd rather not repeat myself."

"ETA fifteen mikes," Akane put her phone away.

"At some point this insanity has to stop," Kodama groaned from her seat near the tail of the couch, closer to where she could help Kelly as the redhead was still deep into her recovery. "Every time he starts to get his feet under him, something else rips the rug out. Every time he wants to assert his rights as a human being, the world just seems to want to shove more barriers between him and everything."

Shimmering into the room, Rose decided against subtlety, "I'm almost positive we know who's to blame for that, dear." The natural reaction of two trained agents brought a sigh to her lips as she faced down the barrels of two sidearms, "Really? Did you not notice nobody else panicked?"

"Agents, Rose. Rose, Agents," Maya said by way of introductions. "This could still be an honest mistake, Rose." When the two hesitated to lower their weapons, she turned and barked out an order, "Either put them away or I'm letting her defend herself. You saw what was left in Captain Minders' apartment, and she was responsible for part of it. She's on our side. Stand down and learn to read the room!"

Suzuka shifted to behind the woman she'd begun to see as the true power behind the throne, lightly rubbing her back as she knew Maya preferred, "Steady breaths, Maya-dono. He will not flee again, you need not fear losing him this night."

"It's the 'this night' part of that I'm worried about," she groused. When Akane and Mikoto looked between her and Rose, she shook her head in irritation, "She's not from around here. She's been helping us for a while. We didn't tell you because we aren't ready for the whole world to panic over yet another non-native fauna arriving."

"Especially one with the capacity to nudge your moon towards a rapid collision course with your planet," Rose shrugged. "If all goes well, nobody will learn of my presence until well after you've developed interstellar travel. For now, let's all pretend Shinji's here and is telling you that he trusts me."

+++++ 14th Angel + 25: Saturday (114)

Soaking in the tub, Hikari astride his lap facing him, Shinji leaned against the wall of the tub as she lay with her head in the crook of his neck. "Every life, Hikari. Every, single, one." Having soothed his anxieties by washing his hair out, then scrubbing his body down, she was now settling his nerves by listening to him share more of his recent dilemmas, "We'd never end up happy. The 'you' from that world would become abusive, or remain controlling, and I'd let you because the 'me' there didn't have the experiences I have. Even in those worlds where we figured it out, others would intervene. You'd be killed, or someone else would compete with you for my attention and prey on my flaws. It was always a game of 'close enough', and never once was it good enough for me to say you were happy."

"Well…maybe we weren't meant to be happy alone," she hated bringing up what she'd seen, but she had to add to the conversation in order to have it be considered one. "Maybe, eventually, we're going to be happy because we have a phenomenal group of people that we've gathered. Because, like you said, it doesn't have to be love right now. It can be love in several thousand years. On another planet. Or…several planets." Pushing herself so that she sat upright, she leaned against his chest with her hands, "If they think they can find someplace else they're happy, then we accept that. I've told you I'm not going to force anything anymore, and I'm taking steps to prove that to you. I…took the treatment."

Shinji blinked, trying to understand what she said. When it finally clicked, his eyes went wide, "The…Rose already…?"

"Took a pill," settling backwards onto his lap so that she leaned against the opposite wall of the tub, she held her fingers apart a small bit. "Half an hour later, they were gone." She smiled, tears filling her eyes, "I…I can't even remember their faces, Shinji. The feel of things. Nothing. All of those men I saw myself…gone. Everything I saw, everything life was forcing me to see, Shinji our wife made it all go away! I only see you. Not visions of children dying, or our wives dying, or you abandoning me. It's not permanent," she ran her thumb across her eyes to wipe the tears away. "If I want to, I can have her doctor send a signal that would deactivate the little robots preventing everything. She'd made this so that it can be turned off and on, just in case we really need it. But it's a pain to do, and she wants to let everything settle for a while before even testing the procedure out. She's excited to be working on something that as far as she knows, no other doctor's ever done."

"That's…good." He agreed with his earlier thoughts that he couldn't demand that she suffer eternally because he'd inherited something from her, not and pretend he loved her. He hadn't the control over her gift that she did, and to call what she had 'control' would be ridiculous on its face. Nodding, he accepted it as 'good news', smiling warmly and reaching over to rub her shoulder, "I'm glad you won't have to suffer."

"Suffer," she snorted, looking down at his navel and scowling. "Rose made a point, while you were gone, that nobody deserves to suffer. Not even the worst people do. I've lived the past weeks since the surgery constantly growing a library in my head of all the asinine, moronic, stupid…dunderheaded decisions I could ever make!" Her eyebrows knit as she looked back to his eyes, "Ways in which I allowed myself to be either manipulated, cajoled, or straight seduced. I understand your worries, Shinji. I understand how you're terrified you'll find someone you think you love more than me. I'm so afraid of losing you, of never being touched again by you, that I was…and am…. I _am_ willing to do anything for you, my love. I've cut off the sight, so that I no longer feel the urge to force you down paths that lead away from dark futures. If we suffer misfortune, we'll find a way through it. _You'll_ find us a way through it. From now on, I want to make decisions together. Maya has the right of it, and I could learn a lot from our wife."

"…Am I not giving you enough?" He shook his head quickly, "Affection, I mean. You mentioned being seduced…."

She blinked, then tilted her head thoughtfully, "I can't expect you to spend all day making love to me, as wonderful as that would be." A small smile grew as she recalled their past efforts, "I am a _very_ hungry woman, Shinji." She sobered, recalling the tenor of their conversation, "But I was wrong to allow myself to be seduced in those futures. You were suffering too, remembering old battles or friends lost, and instead of coming to you and putting aside my needs until you were stable again, I waited for you to come around. Or I didn't push past your initial 'nothing's wrong'. Or any of a million stupid things caused by a combination of immaturity and frustration."

"We drifted apart," he nodded, several lives where it happened eagerly presenting themselves for his viewing 'pleasure'. "Our binds weren't tight enough to keep us tied together."

"But they are, now," her eyes glowed with hope. "I'm a part of your soul. If the world becomes too much, we can take a nap together, visit your soul and process things as a team. Or we can speak from a distance, if you get pulled away to do your duty. Or, more in line with the current situation…we can bring in other women to sate both your needs and mine."

"I…don't _need_ other women," he frowned as he tried to understand her meaning.

"You're saying that losing Suzuka wouldn't hurt?" She watched as he thought more deeply about her question, "Or that losing my sister wouldn't hurt?" _Rose, sweetie, could you join us? We have some questions._ The thought sent, she pushed herself up off of him, settling down in the crook of his arm, "What about our lovely wife from beyond the stars?"

Slipping into the bathroom, Rose whistled as she looked back behind her, "You should hear our wife go. Maya is laying everything out plain for people and not sparing any feelings in the process." Turning around to face the two in the tub, she smiled, "So, questions? Things you don't want everyone to know, or just something about the filter in our wife's head?"

"You mentioned that, on your planet, men are considered a resource. But, in healthy families, they are considered a blessing." Rubbing Shinji's chest, Hikari tried to keep him still so she could expound on her thoughts, "You've said our situation is familiar to you, in that there are men on your world who don't wish to be a part of a large family."

Rose tried to pick up where Hikari might be taking the conversation, "Hmm? Well, yes. Often enough that we have a term to describe them. It's considered deviancy, after a fashion, but we usually call them [Song] in polite company."

"Or 'Broken', if you're translating the less polite term," Shinji demonstrated the extent of his visions and memories. "Your mother told me more than once that I was being rather rude by insisting that several of your family wait until I knew them better. She was unamused when I said 'No' to your cousins after they walked in on you and I meditating."

"I'm guessing you're engaging in your typical understatement," Rose laughed. "My mother would explode if she found out that I hadn't already bedded you. We've been bonded for more than ten minutes, in her eyes that means at least two sexual encounters, if not more." Looking back to Hikari, she rolled her finger, "Where were you taking this?"

"I'm trying to understand everyone's perspectives," Hikari stated with a hitch of one shoulder. "You see, you don't see anything wrong with Shinji having many wives, right?" Rose nodded, prompting her to continue. "Your world would see what's happening as natural, a family forming out of nothing around a charismatic and unifying man. I'm honestly of a mind with you. Enough of the women in this family we're building are interested in me that I should never lack for companionship if Shinji's busy being 'the husband'. You wouldn't want another man, right?"

"Ugh, no," Rose shook her head. " _That_ is deviancy through and through. Stockpiling men is gross and controlling. Unless you're one of the Upper Castes, where you have several hundred women, one man is more than enough to properly manage a household. The other houses deserve a chance to continue their lines too. There's not often enough men to go around as it is, for a small clan like ours? No. Shinji is _more_ than enough."

Shinji spoke up quickly, "And you don't see how that might work the other way around?"

"I'm not forcing you to live by all of my morals, [Song]," Rose raised her eyebrow challengingly. "Don't expect me to suddenly pick your less sane ones up myself. To me, one man with many women is fine so long as everyone is of the same clan. If you were the kind to go about to other clans and service their women, then you and I would have a problem. You won't, and that's all I need to know."

"You aren't stockpiling us, Shinji," Hikari drew his attention back down to her. "You aren't stopping us from leaving, if we want. You aren't stopping us from making friends, or holding jobs, or gaining an education. You'd be _thrilled_ if we succeeded in academics, or industry, or art, or anything we choose to. If we're happy where we are, does it really matter how many there are? The rules we set this morning are still the rules. We'll take it slow, find our footing, and anyone who doesn't 'fit' doesn't exist as anything but a friend."

Rose finally picked up why she was there, "But if they do fit, there's no need for everyone to be intimate with them. There are a great many women in my species that don't involve themselves with other women, you should know that." His slow nod was her cue to continue, and so she approached the tub and knelt down to rest on her hip against the lip, "It's far more common on my planet than yours, but if I want nothing to do with the tiny yellow-haired woman out there, it shouldn't stop you and Hikari from enjoying her. If Hikari wants nothing to do with the frail-seeming warrior, why should that prevent you and I from enjoying _her_? Before everything went wrong, you were coming to grips with the love you had in your soul for everyone. You've said it yourself, [Song], we're not the women from those other lives."

"If even one of us likes them," Hikari added, "that should be more than enough reason to include them if _you_ like them too. You might find that over time more of us come to feel the same way about them."

"It doesn't change that they've been pulled in against their will," Rose assured him. "We're not saying that we should just shrug away what is a violation of both their _and your_ right to choose affiliations. But we can take some comfort in knowing that they are not bad women. When Lilith was testing you, pushing Ritsuko towards mating with you, there was still a part of her that fought. A bad woman would have just laid the seduction on heavy enough to remove your resistance, that she fought against that shows her character."

"Akane-san, Mikoto-san, they're both loyal to you, and to each other." His first love smiled sadly, "They were there when you cut your foot. They've been there for everything terrible, for everything wonderful, and for everything in between. The way Akane-san fought to get back out and find you in Ogawa, Shinji, I _know_ she loves you."

Rose pointed at his nose, "She's simply remaining professional by not pursuing it, which is commendable in and of itself."

"But if you say, 'No', then that's that," Hikari asserted. "We just don't want you to say that because you're afraid of hurting us, okay?"

He could hear the truth of their statements, and he felt no pressure from them to ascribe to what they were sharing with him. Ultimately, they were trying to let him know how they felt, and he had to accept that their feelings on the matter also mattered, "I…don't want to become the kind of man that just…." He looked to Rose, "If we left Earth, where could we go? Just, you know, get away. Nobody but us…. Never mind," he sighed and scrubbed the heels of his palms into his eyes, "I can't abandon Earth. I can't just walk away because it's become hard. I can't let running away become a crutch again. The cabin was nice, it let me get my head straight…but I have too much power to not help fix things."

"It's ok to take time to heal, my love," Hikari smiled as Rose agreed enthusiastically with what was easily terribly obvious advice to give. "There's nothing wrong with setting down your burdens and letting others do some of the work. We were working towards delegation, remember?"

"You really are a lot alike," Shinji chuckled, remembering what Maya said in the car.

She failed to follow his train of thought, "Hmm?"

"Don't worry about it," standing, he looked to two of his wives and shrugged. "We aren't solving anything in here. I have at least four more women permanently attached to my soul. We have three more Angels, at least, to defeat. I have to find out how to get in touch with the Aspects, not the least of why because I'm concerned about them. And…I'm not getting any of that done by sitting in here soaking."

"You're becoming stronger, [Song]," Rose helped Hikari stand up out of the water. "And I don't mean physically."

"We'll find a way to make things work," Hikari agreed. "We'll…oh!" The sudden sensation of the water along her body leaving at once startled her. Watching the globe fall back into the tub, she marveled at what her husband might be able to accomplish anymore.

"Wondered if I could still do that," Shinji mused. Stepping out of the bath, he performed the same task on his own body, drying himself without the need for a towel, "There's so much I'm capable of that I've just never bothered to think about trying, before." Gesturing to Hikari, he summoned clothing for her that matched the style Rose wore, fitting it to her perfectly, "So much…."

Now clad in the same gauzy linen, the Class Rep turned her body to look at herself, "Wow…this actually feels really nice."

Dressing himself in the simple garments he preferred, Shinji caught Rose's frown, "Bardiel. Her hair creates the fibers, it's just a matter of summoning them in a familiar pattern. I've…well," he blushed, "I've studied your bodies for months now. I know exactly how you look, because…well…uhm…."

"Because you have every right to admire all of this, husband mine," Hikari trailed her hands along her torso. "Because as much as it belongs to me, I have gifted every bit of it to you. Now," picking up the band she used to tie her hair off, she set about keeping the longer tresses out of her way, "if you feel ready to handle what's out there. Let's go handle it."

"Together," a small smile crossed his face. He wasn't alone, and that wasn't always a negative thing.

+++++ 14th Angel + 25: Saturday (114)

Walking out of the bedroom, Shinji looked around the sitting area and felt the weight of everyone's nervous energy. He had, recently, run away. He had scared these women. Right or wrong, justified or not, he had abandoned them. Placing himself up next to Maya, where she stood to 'corral' the situation, he set his arm across her shoulders and hugged her close to him. She was, and likely would always be, his fiercest defender in the political and social realms. Taking a kiss from both Rose and Hikari as the pair moved past, and smiling fondly as each gave the same to Maya, he looked out to the assembled women and accepted his duty, "Ladies…I am sorry. I made a decision, and in doing so set up a situation that culminated in the position we find ourselves in now. Had I not bonded Hikari to me, the four of you might still be free to choose your own lives."

"I own blame here too, my love," Hikari had seated herself next to Ritsuko. "I should have listened to the warnings Rose gave about mixing our abilities. In my eagerness to reassure you that I loved you, I allowed that situation to develop too." Placing one hand on the former-blonde's knee, she turned to the other women in the room, "I too am sorry. My request helped take away your free will."

"So, immortal huh?" Akane leaned forward, sitting on the edge of her seat with her elbows propped on her knees, "Still able to be killed, probably. Just won't age?"

Rose nodded, "You'll have a more aggressive immune system, and you'll heal from many things that your species wouldn't normally heal from, but yes. If I, as an example, tore your head from your shoulders, you would still die. The biological markers are all present in the samples I collected earlier, everyone here except you both," she gestured to Kelly and Kodama, "are now functionally immortal."

"Scary," Mikoto blew the word out through her lips.

"I'd say exhilarating," Ritsuko countered, "but I can see where you might view it differently. I now have all of time to study how the universe itself works. An endless march towards observing, questioning, analyzing, failing!"

Nicolette raised her eyebrow, "You're excited about failures?"

"Do you like penicillin? Pacemakers?" The scientist smiled eagerly, "Several of the greatest inventions of all time came about because of accidents, or failures, or inattentiveness that drew significant attention afterwards. Without the looming threat of mortality, I can gather massive amounts of data on processes that take far too long to mature to be economically viable!" Looking to Hikari, she winked, "I could certainly use some help in the lab, hint, hint."

Shinji, for his part, accepted the breadth of emotions as expected. He'd figured Ritsuko would be excited about the matter, as a scientist she'd be eager to explore all of life she could. Mikoto seemed to be on the other extreme, which pulled him towards engaging with the laconic scarecrow, "Mikoto, what are your thoughts?"

He felt the small pulse of warmth from her as she sat with one ankle resting on the opposing knee, his recognition of her feelings and existence seemed to spark something within her that she enjoyed, "I'm worried about becoming bored. About the mistakes I'll make along the way. Forever is a long time, and if I do something terrible out of boredom, I'll have forever to regret it."

"She gets bored easily," Akane patted her partner's calf. "It's not typically so bad, because for our job we can turn that nervous energy into safety and security checks. If you give her something to focus on, and she understands it's important, she'll worry at it until it's where she feels it should be. A bored perfectionist is an odd creature, but that's our Mikoto."

"What are you thinking, Shinji?" Nicolette held her hands in a double fist on her lap, "We, at least the three of us because I can't speak for Doctor Akagi, did not mean to jump into your playground uninvited. I know that we'd been building up our friendship, and I'd even had a talk with Hikari about spending some time with you and her, but…well, it…." Sighing, she looked down to her hands and scowled.

"Go ahead, child," Suzuka could sense the woman's reluctance. While the willowy warrior would typically praise that trait, she desired the same thing Maya did, clarity. "We all agreed that we would speak our minds once he returned."

"Please," Shinji agreed enthusiastically. "I'd rather know what it is we're looking at, so that we can plan what comes next."

"It hurts when we're not near you," Akane filled in the blank. "I've noticed it too. A kind of…empty hunger, but in the heart."

"I'm not ashamed to say I enjoy spending time with you," Nicolette shrugged, her eyes still on her hands. "You're a good man, a great dancer, you care about the people around you. You've surrounded yourself with interesting people, and there's never a dull moment that I've seen. Even when you're relaxing with your family, there's still life and love and happiness." When she lifted her eyes, her head still lowered, she curled her lips to the side, "It didn't hurt before. It was like with Jake, I just accepted that a 'friend' is all I'd ever be. Eventually I'd find someone else, or not, and that would be that. What now?"

"Now, we take time and do it right," Maya announced. "You were forced into his soul. That works both ways, as neither he nor you consented to this happening, and both of you have been wronged by it. The remedy is not to force him to accept anything, nor is it to force you to accept anything."

"It needs to be mutual," Shinji agreed, pleased with how his wife had balanced the perspectives. "Everyone needs to fit, and be ok with whatever we do from here. Unless," he held up his hand to chest height, "of course, you want to walk away. I'll never force you to stay. I…would miss you," he looked around the room, " _any_ of you. But I'm no slave master. I didn't ask to have…." His eyes narrowed as he sought for the right word, "I didn't ask for the blessing of all of your company. I love you. All of you."

"What if you want to walk away?" Ritsuko laid her hand over Hikari's, "You say that it needs to be mutual, but then you speak as if you don't have a choice."

"I don't," lifting his head up, he stared straight at the scientist. "I _am_ power, Rits." Reaching out his hand, he created a free-standing block of water from thin air, "How many nations in the world don't have potable water?" Clenching his fist, he set a school of fish inside of it, "Or sufficient food?" Banishing it with a thought, he lowered his hand, "How many nations are still underwater post-Second Impact?"

"He will not shirk what his honor demands is his duty," Kelly smiled fondly. "If he _can_ do something to make people's lives better, then he _will_ do it. Which leaves it to those of us who would stay by his side. All of that power, he needs, he _craves_ , outside perspectives. Robust debate, measured strategies, reassurances that he's not abusing the trust he's been given." Her smile turned sad, "I'm jealous, after a fashion. I'm interested to know what he's like after a few hundred years of fixing what we humans have wrought."

Kodama scoffed, "You're the one who says they're not 'pretty' enough. That he's not interested in you like that." The busty nurse looked to Shinji, "A rotation. Small groups of those who enjoy each other as much as they enjoy you, or one-on-one for those who don't. We set up group outings for those of us who aren't with you, because I know that I want to spend some time with Doctor Akagi picking her brain about medical issues, and I'd like it if my sister began to develop that big brain she has. Not everything is focused on you, Shinji. We all have to get along with each other, and that doesn't necessarily mean sexually. We," she gestured around the room, "can all be best friends. Just best friends that share the same man because he's worth loving, and worth sharing."

"But it's not fair," Shinji countered. "Take Nicolette-"

"Nicki," the blonde chirped. When he blinked, she smiled with the honest, not stage-perfect, version that showed her inner nature, "It's what I ask those few people I really mesh well with to call me."

"Nicki, then," he couldn't hide his own smile. The diminutive agent was unfailingly likable, and he admired how she managed to hide her emotions until she chose to display them honestly, "Nicki may not like women the way that Hikari, Rose, or Maya do. With the rules we were just talking about this morning, I'd be in the wrong for being with her when nobody else was."

"I'm willing to try," the smaller agent perked up. "If that's one of the prices to pay, in order to go beyond 'friend' to whatever lies beyond that. It'll take some time to adjust, sure, but…well, immortal, you know?"

"I don't think we should have to," Rose shrugged. "I see nothing wrong with simply being a family. People are what they are, and if someone gets along well with everyone, but only sleeps with Shinji, what does it matter? Is sex really the end-all be-all of our ties? That's a flimsy platform to launch from, and I'd like to think better of us."

"That's easy to say from your perspective," Maya countered. "Your species doesn't have the population balance we used to, and your mores developed differently."

"So your mores are the only ones worth living with?" Rose's question was without rancor, "I'm being truthful, Clanmother. I do not care if I never touch the bed of any but his, yours, and Hikari's. Unless I miss my mark, Kodama's interest is nearly completely for Shinji, with you slowly growing on her. I would, however, enjoy spending more time around Kodama, as her tastes in fashion mirror my own. I see a wonderful sisterhood developing between us, and never jealousy for the time he would spend with her and not I. My time will come, and it will be wonderful. But I will want a life outside of him, or I would surely lose my mind."

"Question," Ritsuko lifted her hand for attention. "It's my understanding that the rule against Shinji having women that only he is active with, is intended to balance out the rule against any women having another man they are active with, correct?"

"He is uncomfortable with other men in a relationship with someone he's in a relationship with," Suzuka replied evenly.

"He's not the only one," Hikari glowered at the table.

The scientist rolled her hand, "But no problems with us being friends with men?"

"You're friends with who you're friends with," Shinji shrugged. "I would never tell you to ignore fifty percent of the population, that'd be petty, childish, and stupid."

"Thirty eight percent, actually," Ritsuko corrected idly. "The population hasn't recovered to pre-Impact levels, and even then the gender imbalance was closer to fifty-one percent female, forty-nine percent male. More men died in Second Impact than most people recognize, between acts of valor, participation in the wars, and just general misadventure. Couple that with the more dangerous occupations they tend to aggregate towards, and unexpected mortality being an issue still almost two decades later. Regardless, not the point. If I have a friend in my career field, someone I speak to and have pleasant conversations with, it doesn't bother you?" He shook his head. "If he and I exchanged texts, speaking to each other about banal matters such as the laundry taking too long, or the recent political situations, you're fine?" He nodded. "If I asked him to come over for dinner, to introduce him to my husband, so that my husband could try and become friends with him too, that would be ok?"

"So what she's driving at," Akane stepped in, "is you just would rather not feel another man kissing someone who's tied into your soul. You _really_ don't want to feel them making the beast with two backs." The agent smirked at Mikoto, "He doesn't mind that we're friends with Jake, and he doesn't care if we go drinking with him. He doesn't want to be in a relationship with someone who'd sleep with _anyone_ behind his back." She turned back to Shinji, "Right? If you and Doc here hit it off, and she goes clam diving with some random woman in Engineering, you'd feel just as betrayed?" Shinji nodded slowly. "But, to continue the analogy, if Doc and Miss Horaki," she gestured to Kodama, "suddenly find each other quite interesting, it wouldn't bother you?" He shrugged and shook his head. "Then what's the problem? If Nicolette _agrees of her own will_ to not play hide the sausage with another man, you're not dictating her life. You're setting the terms of engagement. You would allow her to make out with every other woman in this house, just not one outside of it. It's abnormal, sure, but it's not controlling. Because she'd have the same reservations. You don't get to make out with someone outside of this house, either. She'd know that, from the start."

"You didn't ask for us," Mikoto backed her partner up. "And we weren't going to push ourselves in when we're obligated both ethically and legally to remain professional. I know that Akane and I have had several talks about how we wish things could have been different, over one too many beers. I get the feeling that you'd not have been heartbroken to date us, were it not for you finding your wives first."

Nicolette looked around the room, "So…does anyone have a problem with him being with the others in his soul, or has this been him the entire time?"

"I've not been thrilled as the number has increased," Maya stated plainly. "But that has always been more because Shinji himself has been uncomfortable with it, and because it has been forced up on him. I knew coming into the marriage that I would not be the only one he would know, and I will never demand he not touch the other women in his life…because he's never once demanded I not touch the other women in his life."

Kelly shifted up on the seat a bit, uncomfortable with the casts digging into her legs, "Playing Devil's Advocate, what if a man were to become tied into his soul?"

"Oh, that's not possible, dear, he doesn't feel that way about those he shares a gender with," the woman who responded caused a wave of discomforted reactions, and all three agents to reflexively stand and draw their sidearms. Standing near Shinji, between him and the exit, was the progenitor of his second chance on Earth. "Oh my," Lily laughed, amused at the reaction, "it's just me." Catching sight of Nicolette, she winked, "Pleased to meet you. Name's-"

"Lilith," Shinji turned, placing Maya behind him and urging her to back away.

"Well," she looked askance at him, "I was going to introduce myself as Lily. Considering she's a part of you, Lover, I'm fine with her using the name you gave me."

"I wasn't introducing you." Flexing his will, he brought out his spear without the accompanying bolt of lightning. Jabbing the butt against the carpeted flooring, he worked it into his grip, "I was calling you to account for your actions." He knew now that his earlier unsteadiness was caused by the care that he had for those women who'd been drawn into him. Ritsuko, Nicolette, Akane, and Mikoto had no choice in what had been done. He felt it his failure, which hurt him inside. Standing before him, however, was someone who had all the choice in the world, and chose to draw them into him. Chose to go back on her word. Chose to kill. "Move from that spot, and I will pass summary judgement. You have harmed enough people in this room already, I will not give you another chance to."

Her brow knit, "Pet, I-"

"My name, is _Shinji_ ," the announcement was accompanied by a crack of thunder, "I am not your 'Pet', I am not your 'Lover'. I am, apparently, not your _equal_ either. An equal does not shove women into their partner's soul. An equal does not go around killing the very people their partner is trying to save, or prisoners who can't defend themselves, or _entire branches of reality_. An equal does not abandon their partner when they are sick and tortured by visions of lives which cannot be, lying to their friends and family about their location. I know there will be other things, other crimes, but we will start with these."

Rolling her eyes, she flippantly pointed to Nicolette, "She's wanted you from the moment she laid eyes on you. She doesn't care that she's not the only one, she _enjoys_ the competition. Lives for it. Your eyes on her are a validation of her work, of her talents, of her charms as a woman." Gesturing to Akane and Mikoto, she smirked, "They've been passing stories back and forth that they've written. Stories starring you, the other woman," her finger bounced between the two agents, "and the showers, locker rooms, or even entry plug after your battles. It's no secret that they've desired you, to anyone _but_ you. They're used to sacrificing a little freedom to gain a lot, it's part of their ethos. Part of their very _soul_." Pointing blindly to Ritsuko, she grinned lasciviously, "That one's feelings have been clear since the moment you gave her that little pep talk after the Third Angel. Dear Maya even asked her if you and Hikari might consider sharing. It sparked all sorts of interesting thoughts, which made the test possible. You passed. You're here." She pointed to the ground between them, "Arguing against a group of women that are all eagerly, and willingly, throwing themselves at you. You'll eventually come around, eventually let them love you. What I did? The 'crime' as you call it? I saved you millennia of heartache, because time and Creation aren't waiting for you, and mortals don't have our benefits."

Shinji hadn't anticipated her admitting everything so openly, nor had he expected the slight flush of embarrassment from Akane and Mikoto, nor the pulse of agreement from Nicolette and Ritsuko. Shaking off the shock, he refocused on the main problem, "You took away their free will! It doesn't matter that they wanted to be with me, it matters that they weren't given the choice."

"Who says any of us have a choice?" Lilith laughed with long-suffering fatigue, "I told those two," she indicated Suzuka and Maya, "in your soul not long after you absorbed Sahaquiel that there was someone forcing people to be with you. That none of us had a choice. That they didn't take the hint is not my failure. Shinji, are you familiar with determinism? In all your travels through those other realities, did you ever once feel like you had a _choice_ in what happened? Creation, the force that drives everything, has been grooming you since the moment the bits of matter that would one day comprise you came into existence. Your body, your mind, your very _soul_ have all been shepherded towards that one key moment."

"…Instrumentality," pieces began to click together in his mind.

"Ask her," she pointed to Rose. "The Judges, those seven squabbling morons, have been fighting against Creation's designs for as long as I have. They set up the Boundary. They have been purging worlds of my children. They sent _her_ ," she more forcefully indicated the pink-skinned captain, "to kill everyone on this planet if necessary to stop you from siding against them!"

"That's not true," Rose declared quickly. "Three of them sent me here to stop you. Three sent me here to try and find a way to coerce you into seeking peace. Six was enough to grant me the ship, and…my crew," she seemed to decide against expounding on her hesitation, "but it was the last one who I've been honestly acting on the orders of. She specifically told me to seek a way to promote balance. To see if you couldn't be convinced of the necessity to protect everyone from what lies beyond the Boundary. She saw Creation molding you into what you are. She saw this 'Instrumentality', and she wanted you to use it to restore the multiverse. Give those other realities a chance to exist! They can't interact with us, save through your visions. What does it hurt to let them live?"

"Because they can weaponize it," Lilith retorted hotly. "They may be morons, but they're cunning morons. Seven of the most cunning minds with all of eternity to try various strategies. They, like I, like _you_ , Shinji, will exist in every reality that follows. We'll know what the version of us in those realities are thinking, because that's what Creation wants."

"But you'll be acting in accordance with what Creation has predetermined, then," Ritsuko chimed in, having followed along. "You mentioned determinism, so if our actions are fated, then what does it matter what we're doing?"

"Because that's not how determinism works in a world with Tabris," Shinji closed his eyes and sighed. "The Angel of _Free Will_."

"Have I mentioned lately that I _love_ watching you figure things out?" Lilith giggled, "You're brilliant, in a clumsy, awkward, sexy way." Lacing her fingers behind her head, she jutted one hip out aggressively, "The Seventeenth Angel, Tabris. My former husband's misguided attempt at undermining Creation. Without him around, _Lover_ ," she said the pet name challengingly, "you, these women, and several others, would have gathered together and formed a family on your own. No traumas needed, no angst as you railed against the notion that some women might simply enjoy being a part of what you're offering. No suffering on their part as you demanded they exercise their right to choose, but only in the way that _you_ feel appropriate."

His eyes snapped back open, "I'm-"

"Attracted to them. In love with them. Desiring their affections," she challenged. "Because on the one hand, you're who you are. And on the other hand, because it's what Creation mandated. But, as much as you are who you are, you're also the product of the environment you were raised in. The tampering of countless individuals with just enough Free Will to throw a wrench in the works of Creation. And so you've been fighting against having them in your life." Her eyes softened, her affection for him clear, "You need them to succeed in your purpose, Pet. For each of the Aspects from Adam's line. As many wives from mine. _Balance_. You are intended to go about reality, seeding life so that entropy isn't supreme. As life decays, you will create. On and on, forever."

"I'm not of you, I'm descended from the Adam strain," Rose frowned.

"I didn't say he couldn't have more wives, [Song]. I said he needs as many from my strain. He's been dithering, and so Creation is giving him a 'helping hand'." She smiled, "Did you think that I'm immune from determinism? I've been busy fighting against it, but you'll note I didn't say 'winning'."

Hikari asked what she thought was the important question, "So what are you fighting for, then?"

"Not what, dear," Lilith pointed to Shinji, "whom."

"By killing innocents?" He wasn't sold, "You know I'm against that, why would you think I'd allow someone else to do it in my name?"

"What innocents?" She scoffed, "The woman sent to speak with you was not 'innocent'. She enabled and emboldened the worst excesses of the woman she worked for. Tabris' little plot needed to be culled, before she worked her way into your life, and so I culled it. Your 'friend' General Benoit has ordered far more killed over far lesser crimes."

"He has not," Nicolette barked out. "He's been livid every time local agencies have sent in agents without consulting with us. People have been dying because he's not been listened to!"

"Well?" Lilith smiled feeling she'd scored another point, "Did I lie, Lover?"

"…Neither of you did," his frown was thoughtful. "Nicki…are you privy to all of General Benoit's decisions?"

"Of course not," the blonde shook her head, "but I've worked for him for long enough to know the kind of man he is. He's not a murderer, he's intensely devoted to justice."

"Between the time that he arrived in Tokyo-3," Ritsuko began, "and now, how many people related to SEELE's efforts has General Benoit ordered be killed directly, or with knowledge that his orders would lead to their deaths?"

"Two hundred and thirty four," Lilith's eyes never left Shinji's.

When he said nothing, Maya asked the question that everyone was wondering, "Shinji…is she telling the truth?"

"One man's failings do not remove the culpability of another for their own," he couldn't believe that the man who eagerly saved him, who begged his daughter-in-law to fly across the world to save Hikari, had fallen so far. "She could have been punished through the court system, Lilith. We are not a law unto our own."

"Would you have felt that way after she'd begged you for your forgiveness?" Affecting a tragic pose, she spoke with the woman's voice, "Please, 왕자님, you don't know how hard my life has been! I was hired off the streets, close to selling my body to live, told that if I worked hard they would pay for me to go to school! I couldn't go back to that life, so I did what they asked me to do. I saw someone try to flee once, they brought him back and beat him in front of all of us! Loyalty was rewarded, disloyalty led to fates worse than death. I'll do _anything_ , let me earn your forgiveness!"

Shinji began to scowl, "Is forgiveness so terrible?"

Reverting to her own voice and planting her hands on her hips, Lilith leaned in, "She bought teenaged boys for her boss to abuse, Shinji. She preyed on the poor, the destitute. The exact same type of people that she had once been herself. If you had been Korean, instead of Japanese? You might have ended up in her 'care'. I refuse to allow you to be sullied by proximity to women of her ilk." Flicking her head towards the couch, where the others sat quietly watching, hoping that a fight wasn't about to break out, she snorted, "I've been _fighting_ to keep your bedchambers clean. Creation doesn't care, so long as they're compatible with the roles it requires they play." She began pointing to the individual women, "The Weapon, The Princess, The Advisor, The Mage, The Dancer, The Shadow, each of the women you've gathered have a role. A part to play in a pantheon that will unify all of Creation under your guidance. Creation is as tired as I am of the constant warring, and while I'm fighting to allow us to expand beyond the Boundary, and the Judges are fighting to maintain what they view as the appropriate order, Creation has been working towards this. A new Adam, and since one Lilith didn't work, and one Eve bored the old Adam after a few epochs, it decided to try something new. You don't like it? Take it up with Creation and the way that it designed your compatible biology, because as powerful as you are? You can't get pregnant."

"How many Aspects are there?" Kodama tapped her fingers as she counted the number of battles she remembered, "You've fought twelve times, so, three more would be fifteen?" She shook her head, "We're having to argue over convincing him to accept five, and you want him to end up with three times that many?"

"Sixteen women, at least," she shrugged. "And _I_ didn't want that. _I_ wanted him, and me, for all eternity filling the universe with our children. I accepted that as impossible once Creation began to move. When I reverted time back to the point where it all conjoined, setting everything in motion down this path, I could only control so much. I am not nearly powerful enough to prevent Creation from acting at all, and had to focus most of my efforts on preventing the Judges from succeeding in stopping me. The Judges focused most of their efforts on maintaining the Boundary, and setting _her_ ," she pointed to Rose, "in motion. All three of us, Creation, the Judges, and I pushed, poked, and prodded reality into spewing out a world where _he_ ," her gesture changed to Shinji, "was in position to accomplish what we wanted."

"Why did you lie?" He had to have his answers, "You knew where I was, stuck in Unit-01, but you allowed them to think I was stuck in myself."

"Because now you know how to fight. You know what we fight for. All of those realities, Lover, all lacking the one ingredient that would have fixed _everything_." She twirled her fingers to present him to the crowd, "You. A force beyond anyone's control. With the knowledge of every permutation that failed, you see the one, pure, truth. Creation, and the Judges, will never allow you to be happy. So you must take your happiness where you can, and fight for the rest."

Mikoto frowned, "So you're saying you pulled us into his soul, to make him happy?"

"He loves you," Lilith answered with a smile. "Hidden, deep beneath the repression, the anger, the anxiety, and the training, is a man who admires what each woman in this room has to offer. To say nothing of the few not present. He does not look at you as just a body, or just a mind, or just a good person. He views you in aggregate. His love for you is honest, and vast. The reason he will not accept you quietly is because he believes you deserve better than he can offer. He doesn't trust that you're able to see the troubles ahead. I, on the other hand, can see into each of your souls." She pointed to Kelly, "You would happily spend eternity helping him heal the sick, serve the poor, perform all of those tasks the religion of your homeland feels are virtues. You see in him glorious salvation for mankind, to say nothing of your own hidden desires to pleasure him in bed, to give him children." She shifted to Mikoto, "You believe yourself too tainted to love. Too dirty to hold. He's 'pure'. His hair color, which is simply the result of mixing genetic lineages and not symbolism of any form, his skin color, the same, and how he acts all lead you to fear 'sullying him'. You want him to notice you, to lift you out of your depression, to let you be weak long enough to let go of a past that holds you in an iron grip. Again, I did not _fight_ to bring you together because _I_ wanted to. I did so because Creation would have filled these roles one way or another. At least this way, there are four more roles filled with decent women and not those such as the one I killed. Which, by the way," she pointed to Akane, "would have taken your spot. I do not deny I am meddling, but I am not the one drawing you all in. _He is_."

Moving to stand before her, he looked down into her eyes and wondered what he should do, "Why didn't you just talk to me? I'm not unapproachable. I'm dense, and yes…I admit I am arrogant. I believe I know better than the women here what is best for them, because I see this as abusing my position. I _am_ becoming more than human. I have more power than anyone should ever conceivably have. It's my duty to not abuse that trust."

"I did talk to you," she reached up and touched his chest gently. "I told you that there was nothing wrong with it. I said that you should accept their love, _return_ their love. I have not once touched you in a way you did not approve of, despite my desperate need for it. Have I told you everything? No. But I have to ask you, have you told me everything? I do not know what happened after you awoke. You've blocked me out. Somewhere, between then and now, you began to doubt our partnership."

He would not be guilted into accepting her reasoning, "You disappeared."

"I was hunting Tabris," she parried.

"You told me you were checking on his Aspects," Rose challenged her.

"I was," Lilith rolled her eyes. "Arael, Armisael, and Tabris. I found no sign of the first two, and nearly caught the third several times. I've been chasing him around the planet, trying to undo his plots and schemes. He's attempting to manipulate who you bond with as well, and I doubt his idea of 'suitable' is anywhere near as benevolent as mine."

"You missed him on the bridge," Hikari frowned. Shinji could feel that her song wasn't settled, that she didn't believe the otherworldly being. "He was right in front of us."

"He exposed a traitor," Suzuka supplied. "Provided proof of his allegations. Something I find lacking in your own declarations. You have yet to make a declarative statement when describing the woman you murdered, only qualitative. That _you_ believe it to be true does not make it so, but would suffice to fool my husband. How many have _you_ killed, since arriving in Tokyo-3?"

 _'How many of my friends has Lilith killed'_ , Tabris' voice echoed in Shinji's mind. "How many of my friends have you killed, Lilith?"

Lilith's hand stiffened on his chest, "One is too many. I will always regret the necessity of my actions, Shinji. Had Bardiel not been deployed as a trap, we would still have that darling child with us." Her eyes searched his, "What made you ask that?"

"A number, Lilith." She was playing word games, and he knew it, "How many of my friends have you ended the lives of?"

"Countless," she sighed. "Shinji, I can't give you an exact count, because I was responsible from your perspective for ending the multiverse. How many friends did you have? You view them as dead. I view them as never having existed. You're asking me to quantify a number that's impossible to accurately assess given our different perspectives for the matter. As to dear Suzuka's question, the answer is far simpler. Twenty four. Most of them recently, and all in order to stop Tabris from succeeding."

His grip tightened on his spear, "You're avoiding my question."

"You're being manipulated by Tabris," she countered. Stepping back, she kept her hands where he would see them, "I will leave. You are angry, and need time to adjust to the information you've received. I give you my word, no woman of your house needs to fear that I will harm them physically, emotionally, or mentally. You know that statement is true, and can reassure them." As the last word left her mouth, she vanished.

Banishing his spear in disgust, Shinji walked over and looked at the fish in the tank. She had told the truth, she qualified it expressly so he couldn't doubt that she didn't intend to harm anyone so long as he considered them attached to him. She had told the truth, he loved these women. She had told the truth, they loved him in return. It was her view that he was the one removing their autonomy, despite her actions having bonded them to him. He was demanding they ascribe to his morality. Even Rose had challenged him on that. But the one thing she hadn't been clear on, was the bit that bothered him the most…who had she killed that he considered a friend?

The room remained quiet, and he could feel people thinking through what had just happened. The choir behind him sang a discordant song of confusion, with so many truths to absorb. Tuning it out, he braced his hands above the tempered glass and lowered his head, "I would appreciate it if everyone closed their eyes." He waited a second to give them a chance to comply. "When I turn around, I would like anyone who does not want to be a part of this household to have their hand raised slightly. No judgements. No anger. No bitterness. I will speak with you alone, later, and we will come up with…something. If any of you love me, you will not judge the person or people who has or have their hand raised poorly. It is their life, and I don't care what she says about determinism, I will find a way to give everyone the freedom to choose their own path."

Swallowing, he hefted himself back to his base and turned around after a few seconds. Twenty eyes were shut, and not a single hand was raised.

"I…would like to apologize." Squaring his shoulders, he clasped his hands tightly to his sides and stared straight ahead. In many lives, Misato hadn't been so insistent that he remain a civilian, and too many of the people before him had experience with the military for him to not treat them with the one version of respect that had the longest lineage. As their eyes opened, he bowed with perfect rigid formality, "There are no words in any of the languages I have come to know that are capable of expressing my shame. I have, clearly, not listened when I was spoken to. I will somehow…somehow…." He swallowed, "We will somehow make things work." Righting himself, he looked at each of the women, "I do not believe myself worthy. Not of any one of you, and most assuredly not of all of you."

"If it's not too much to ask," Nicolette rubbed her knees, "could we work on a dinner for everyone? I'm going to…uh…well it's not often I find myself speechless. I'm going to need some time to process everything I've just seen, and I'd love to help make dinner so that way my hands could be busy while I'm thinking."

"A lovely idea," Hikari stood. Maya was, by Rose's estimation, the leader of the family. But the house had been Hikari's domain and she needed to own up to her responsibilities. "Suzuka, would you and Shinji kindly go pick up a few things from the all night market? It's a little late for the better stores to be open, but we're a little low on several things. Maya, Rose, Kelly, if I could ask you to entertain Ritsuko, Akane-san, and Mikoto-San? Koko, please go tell the little ones and Tsuru and Yang that dinner is making. Nicolette-san, if you'd follow me?"

"Oh, just Nicki," the blonde's smile was the stage perfect version, her discomfort with her worldview having been shattered evident. "After all…I guess we'll be getting to know one another for the next several eternities."

+++++ Author's Notes:

Chuckieum: RE: Sitting in the corner and thinking about what I've done.

I'm a bad man, and I aim to misbehave.

Martial Arts Master: RE: Maya and the Kinsey Scale.

You are correct, in that she's not a six on the Kinsey Scale. She mentioned earlier in the story that she thought she was, only to find that she did have a soft spot for at least one man. Shinji, however, does not view himself as 'manly', and believes her attraction to him is based on his softer, more feminine qualities. This is, of course, _Shinji's_ opinion, and speaks just as deeply to his own insecurities and failings as it does to what might be the truth of the situation. His self-analysis is important, but also colored by the lens he views himself through. Because, and let's be honest here, anyone looking at Shinji and saying he wasn't masculine would be pushing an agenda, and angering a great many young women. We are ever our harshest critics, no?

Timingchameleon:

RE: Deconstructicons

I can state with complete honesty that "But what if they actually talked to each other?" was one of the questions I asked while talking myself into writing this story. I discussed my ideas with someone I trust, who enjoys writing Transformers slash fic (I don't judge, but it did net me the above portmanteau), and she liked my idea and said the same thing. It came across as a deconstruction of the anime that helped define a genre.

RE: The Harem

That was a decision that I waffled _hard_ on. The first treatment that included Kodama sucked. It set up too many things that I just hated, and I ended up cutting around 100k words getting rid of it. That act, however, led to this chapter. The 'why' of Shinji being shared amongst so many women mattered way too much to me to just throw women at the house and let it ride. So I placed hints, had the actors push things around, allowed them to fail in ways that would embolden others to succeed, and now Shinji has both a boon (a host of women eager to support him and each other) and a burden (the crushing sense of responsibility to be what he feels a husband should and must be, following his father's spectacular failure).

RE: Battle Angels

"The Stations of Canon" is super strong in NGE Peggy Sue fics, as everyone expects the giant mecha fights. Setting it out so that people got into a rhythm with Sachiel and Shamshel (Shinji succeeding easily despite handicaps, because he had forewarning), then subverting it hard with Ramiel, was my way of hoping that the audience would begin to see that foreknowledge isn't undefeatable. And now, we've reached the point where I've pointed out the flaws of extreme foreknowledge, with Hikari almost tanking her marriage and Shinji stuck in a coma as he absorbs everything. The Old Stories had the Old Gods warn mankind about looking beyond the veil, and with good reason. It can be a horrible burden to see how badly you fail at everything you try, and ultimately will condition you to expect failure.

RE: The End.

I will warn my readers, I don't anticipate "The End" to wrap everything up neatly, any more than the beginning of this story started everything out neatly. "All Along the Watchtower" inspired much of my thought process, and I will most likely leave many things open-ended so that the character's lives retain meaning beyond these experiences. Will it work? Man…I hope so. But it's a conceit I've wanted to employ, and by Jove I am employing it.

RE: Other stories.

I may have implied to Ghost Man, and several others, that I intend to work on a few specific crossovers after this is said and done. Probably take a break and write some songs, or maybe play an RPG of some flavor, but I have at least five reasonable ideas for more stories. (Shinji/Hikari pure romance/adventure, Shinji/Sailor Moon, NGE/X-Men, Love Hina deconstruction/reconstruction, NGE as Xenogears/Final Fantasy style adventure with Ah Megami-Sama based summons.) Also a few that aren't fanfics, but those aren't of any interest to people on this site really. Which I work on first, not sure. Leaning towards telling the story of Shinji/Sailor Moon, but don't want to nail myself down yet. This has been an undertaking, and I'd rather undertake it to the end before game planning.


	115. Chapter 115

+++++ 14th Angel + 25: Saturday (114)

To anyone observing, it would appear a pairing of models, or movie stars. Suzuka's athletic, willowy frame, tall and graceful, combined with Shinji's friendly and honest good looks, as well as his chiseled body, gave them all the aura needed to prevent most people from approaching them as they walked arm in arm. Both were known to the citizens of the area, and few if any non-locals were around to ask who they might be. No tongues wagged, or rumors spread, as it was only right to everyone who saw them that they would share comfort with one another. He held the world on his shoulders, and she was known to destroy evil wherever it was found to lurk. Good people, honest people, need not fear their gaze. Their silence was equally expected, as each were known to be brilliant in their own right and such intelligent people often entertained deep thoughts even while in another's company.

The reality of Shinji ranting and raving about how life would not leave him alone for five minutes, matched by Suzuka's own displeasure at his life having been upended yet again, would have shocked everyone were they able to hear the thoughts shared telepathically between lovers. _Creation?! I'm not fighting Angels, or Judges, or apparently even Lilith. No. I'm fighting the unfeeling, unthinking, universe itself! Every time I thought it was 'the voice', or 'Dark', or 'Gentle', or even just my damn father, it was actually the cosmos in all its wretched glory stomping on my head for the amusement of it all. Life after life after life of nothing but mindless, senseless, abuse and the one life where I can begin to control my own destiny I'm suddenly responsible for_ destiny itself! _Not just you. Or Hikari and Maya. No. I_ have _to accept over a dozen and a half women who love me, because the asshole in my soul got bored of his wife after a few thousand years? How is that fair to anyone? You, them, me, anyone?!_

His living weapon, herself now capable of destruction that would frighten the entirety of mankind's armies, simply continued to soothe his forearm as she growled internally, _The adage most often quoted is, 'Life is not fair'. It is perhaps an irony unto itself that not only is the statement true, but that life itself is intentionally unfair as opposed to through accident or happenstance. Creation does not seem to be capable of rational discourse, as it has not attempted to communicate its motivations to us._

 _Oh, but it has,_ Shinji held the door open for her, the picture of a gentleman. _You see, none of you raised your hands._

She picked up a small convenience basket, _I would not wish to separate from you, dear heart. Why would it matter that none of the other women in our house feel differently?_

Moving them towards the appropriate aisle, he shoved his hands in his pockets, _Because you can't. Creation won't let you._

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"Logically it's sound," Ritsuko had broached the same point Shinji had to Suzuka, only to the women at the couch. "None of us raised our hands, but is it because we didn't want to, or because we've been conditioned to want to remain. How powerful is the influence over our decisions, are we all experiencing the same feelings? There are too many questions, and all of the answers are unverifiable."

"He'd tell us if she was lying, right?" Akane, used to investigations, was pursuing the matter from her traditional segment of expertise, "So we can trust that everything she said was factual, and go from there."

"I'd heard that there was a force beyond even the Judges," Rose supplied. "They didn't fear it, but they also didn't wish to invoke it's ire. The Boundary was always monitored because of the potential for it to choose to force the issue, which would set more evidence for its existence."

"An arranged marriage," Mikoto shrugged. "Happens all the time, not a bad thing."

Maya shook her head, "I can understand from a rational perspective that what I feel for him might have been 'destined'. But…I'm refusing to accept that as the only reason I'd love him. He's a good man. He fights hard to _stay_ a good man." She looked to Akane, "Imagine if Captain Moritama were chosen by destiny, and all of us were drawn to him. He'd abuse the lights out of the situation. We have examples of 'bad' men to compare him to, and he's just not comparable to those men."

Kelly rubbed at her hip, "So how do we proceed, then? Because Lilith wasn't wrong, I love him. He's everything a good Catholic girl was raised to want in a man, minus the fact that he's already married. I'm near to twice his age, and he can and has done far better than me, but if it's what…what God wants, then I fear for fighting His decision. How much worse will befall Shinji if we fight against it? A woman like the Admiral I peeled off him at his wedding? Like the crazy woman who tried to kill him at the train? I may not be the Church's most devout daughter, but I know I'm a far cry better than other women we've met who have displayed an aggressive interest in him."

"Best bet would be to start with the one who's married to him," Akane gestured to Maya. "How do you feel, having your party crashed?"

"Angry? Frustrated?" The Lieutenant Colonel shook her head, "But not because of who you are. And not because of what you've done. None of you asked to be here. Even Rose," she felt the pink-skinned captain rub her back, "didn't _ask_ to be here. She came here seeking peace, and ready to protect everyone from Lilith. I'm not eager to be sharing him, but I have to agree with Lieutenant Commander Chambers…who will Creation pull in if we keep fighting?"

"Don't have to drag him to bed anytime soon," Mikoto offered. "Dating can be fun."

"I wish she'd finished speaking," Ritsuko's lips bunched off to the side of her face. "She mentioned 'roles', and I'm apparently 'The Mage'. If we knew the other roles, we might have some clues into other sections of the dilemma. To say nothing of who else might join."

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"I am very sorry," Nicolette held Hikari's hands, having reached another point where her mind was clear on something. "I had hoped to talk Shinji around to perhaps, someday, inviting me over to talk to you about what might be necessary to _date_. I had been thinking in terms of _years_. After the war was over, after things had settled. But that was a 'hope', pie in the sky, idle fancy. I kissed him the once, and felt terrible about even that much because he's yours."

Hikari, having a much different mindset, laughed gently, "He was always the one you would need to convince, Nicki. I'm far more open to sharing, so long as I'm given an equal opportunity to see if I get along with whoever it is. You're charming, and watching you dance is…exciting."

"He's not the only one that will need convincing anymore, Hiki," Kodama continued her efforts at rolling the dough. "I won't let some random woman come in and hurt him, or anyone else in this house, by being terrible to people. I can't agree with killing, that's against everything I stand for, but Lilith isn't wrong in that he, and we, deserve women who will fight for our family. If our family has to be enormous, then that better mean a lot of people willing to knuckle down when it comes time to defend each other."

"You've got the right of that," Nicolette nodded firmly. "I am sorry that I was pulled in without anyone approving, but now that I'm here you'll always have me there when the chips are down." Her lips tightened, "Though…I may need a hand myself, because my momma's gonna thrash me when she finds out I'm involved with a married man. She didn't approve of me learning Japanese in high school only to be sent here as an adult to ruin a marriage."

"There are a bunch of people in the, oh!" Nozomi paused in the doorway to the kitchen, Sakura hanging onto her shoulder, "Hi! I didn't know you were over too, Nicolette-san."

"Did something happen to nii-san?" The lone surviving Suzuhara was quick to worry over the absence of the only recently returned man of the house, "Yang-nee-san said that he was home…."

The leggy waitress came back into the kitchen from the dining area, helping Tsuru set the table, "He's left to go pick up some things we need. I _think_ Hikari-chan asked him to pick up something for dessert, too. So let's be patient, and not worry so much that we spoil our appetites. If you can do that, we'll let you help paint our remaining nail later with the color he chose, and then we'll paint your nails too, ok?"

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 _If I were to give you any advice, Little Bear, it would be to discuss this with everyone. No good can, or has, come from making monumental decisions in a vacuum._ Suzuka was pleased he had vented, and would never tell him to restrain his anger to unhealthy levels, but his current calm was far preferable to the towering rage he'd walked to the store in. _I will not refrain from making love to you, nor allow you to withdraw our intent to become one. If Creation has gifted me you, then I shall bless its name for the doing. I have lived a long life, seen many marriages succeed and fail, and neither those which were pre-arranged nor those who found themselves of their own accord held any longer or shorter a time for their origins._

 _An arranged marriage?_ Shinji waited patiently for the crosswalk, despite there being no possible traffic at the hour of night. _I…hadn't thought of it like that._ Frowning, he stared thoughtfully at the red silhouette informing pedestrians to wait, _But still, we're past that as a society, aren't we?_

 _Are we?_ As the light changed and the crossing song played, she set them in motion once more, _Mitsuishi-chan was expecting to have a husband found for her, was she not? My marriage to Suzuki-kun was politically motivated. As was Toshiro-kun's. It may be somewhat abnormal anymore, but certainly not unheard of. If, in this case, we find ourselves with many partners we might simply be thankful that they are not cut from the same cloth as some others I might mention. They will at least provide capably for the family._

 _Christie-san,_ she didn't need to be specific for him to know of whom she spoke. The woman had been without major talent, without significant occupation, and in a crisis had crumpled like tissue paper. It was true that she'd helped during the funeral, and when directed had proven adept at following instructions, but Shinji had used her existence as a guide when crafting the rules for Tsuru. He did not want someone's life to depend on him so deeply that they were at the mercy of fate in the very likely event he died. Anyone who stood with him, needed to be able to stand without him. _…Noelle._

 _I grieve with you, dear heart,_ squeezing his arm, she smiled sadly. _A woman with purpose, who fought well above her weight class. She would have been a fine example for our children to emulate, once her diction was corrected and the swearing was brought to within tolerable limits._

 _I think I'll go see Idunn tomorrow,_ they had reached the perimeter guards, and he hefted the bag in a friendly hail to the squad greeting his arrival. "Thank you for your work, my friends. Please, be safe. There are dangerous people about."

"Two of them walking past now, sir," the squad's NCO laughed. "Don't you worry, Fourth Squad has this corner locked down."

 _In an assault, they'd be the first to contact the enemy,_ Shinji worried as they walked past the small unit. _The chances they'd survive an attack significant enough to threaten this location are slim to none. The entire purpose of them being here is to hold this area until a counterassault can be mounted. I need to be faster. I need to get back into training. If Tabris attacks, or if Lilith is truly our enemy, they need me to save them._

 _Us, you mean._ Bumping him with her hip, she drew his eye down to her, _I am not just a pretty flower for you to carry about, Your Grace. We fight, and die, as one. Creation, Lilith, the spirits themselves, I care not who it was that brought us together. I will_ end _whatever thinks to tear us apart._

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"Every time I see you walking about," Shinji smiled fondly at Sakura from the head of the table, "I thank my lucky stars that Rits found that treatment plan." Sharing a quick grin with the former blonde, he continued to try and rebuild trust with his little sisters, "You have worked so hard to recover Sakura-chan, and I promise that as soon as you're able to, I'll dance with you properly, like you wanted at the wedding."

"I'll even pitch in and teach you some moves," Nicolette offered with her perfected smile. "The two of you are just a little older than I was when I started practicing dance. You'd be perfect partners for each other to learn and practice with."

"That'd be an excellent way to continue recovery," Ritsuko approved. "Coordination and muscle strength are vital, especially in cases like yours Sakura-chan. Mix in a little swimming, and you'll grow up into quite the athlete."

Akane leaned over to speak with Rose, "You're from a desert planet?"

"I learned to swim, if that's what you're asking," the pink-skinned captain shrugged. "Drowning in the water storage tanks when it's your turn to clean them is possible, and ruins a lot of people's hard work."

"Speaking of work," Kodama tapped the table, "Kelly's sister sent the most adorable picture of her and her dogs today. I honestly didn't know that they could grow so large! She says her sister's around one seventy five, and this beast stands just below her shoulder at its shoulder! Show them the picture," she urged Shinji's keeper of secrets towards Team Rainbow.

With Hikari at his left, and Maya at his right, Shinji amazed at the way the group seemed to flow together. Mikoto, much like Maya and he himself, didn't like to talk much. The lanky agent did respond not only politely but warmly when approached however. Yang and Kodama carried much of the conversation, drawing everyone in as appropriate and somehow managing to divert attention when someone was eating or drinking.

The day, in his mind, had started odd with his pretending to teach his fellow students, hurt as he realized Ritsuko had lost her ability to choose, been worrying as he realized his immortality was 'contagious', then continued to be strange as he became stuck inside of Unit-01, then dipped as he found that the agents had become tethered much as Ritsuko had, bottomed out with Lilith's arrival and reveal of truths he hadn't been prepared for, and yet…. "This…isn't so bad."

His words, only loud enough to be heard by Hikari and Maya, sparked worry in both before they saw the peace on his face. The twin squeezes he felt, as each of his wives took one of his hands, prompted him to look to his left, then his right, and return the gesture. Neither spoke, words not necessary to convey what they felt, but the sentiment came across clear. Things would be all right. Together, they would find a way to will it so.

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Sitting in Kelly's room after the agents and Ritsuko had left for the evening and the ladies of the house retired to their own chambers, working alongside his 'hostess' and Suzuka with the pile of letters, Shinji began the task of tackling the backlog that had developed in his absence. Each of the three took a share, reading and categorizing the kind of response needed, sharing those bits that were either salient to the point, or humorous and worth mentioning. As the midnight hour approached, he repeated his query, "Are you sure you're ok, Kelly? I don't want you pushing yourself past your limits."

"I'm fine, Shinji," the redhead smiled fondly. "I swear, you seem to forget that I'm supposed to be working for you, not the other way around."

"He is a strict taskmaster," Suzuka announced haughtily. "All must accept his gentle ministrations and coddling, or suffer the wrath of the doleful sigh as he is reminded that we are adults and can find our own teacups thank you very much."

"I'm not that bad," he protested quietly. "And she's broken, Suzi. It's only fair that I get up and get her something to drink."

"If I don't move about, I'll lose what little muscle mass I've retained," Kelly set down her letter, accepting that they were apparently taking a break. "Being active, even though I'm injured, is important. You don't need to look further than little Sakura to see the truth of that."

"The wisdom of your elders is valuable, Little Bear. As many lives as you've lived, you still carry the cross of inexperience in some things." Suzuka tapped his foot with her toes, "We were speaking on the path to the market, Kelly-chan, of the manner in which he might look at the situation we find ourselves in. As it is only the three of us, I thought perhaps you might be willing to share your own thoughts. You have kept his secrets with dignity and honor, might you share your own so that he may learn better your intent?"

The blush of a redhead with pale skin was as bright as he remembered, "There's not much more to tell that Lilith hadn't already shared, ma'am."

The eternal woman waved off the courtesy, "Suzuka, dear. Please. You, just as much as I, hold his trust dearly. Let us not pretend at strata when our hands all hold the same blood upon them."

To cover for Kelly, Shinji kept his eyes downcast, "Are you honestly interested in me, Kelly? Even knowing that you're being compelled by Creation, that you might not feel that way if it weren't decreed by powers beyond us?"

"I would feel this way about any man who acted as you do, Shinji," she reached over for him, trying to draw his attention to her. "It was never a matter of my feelings for you, it was worry that I would be reaching into your life in a way you wouldn't appreciate. I'm older, and from a different culture, mindset, and religious background. We have as many differences as we do similarities, and…well, I'm older."

"I am over four hundred years old," Suzuka snorted. "Once the age of consent has been reached, that particular number loses most of its meaning. Were he still fourteen, both of us would be rightly castigated for our feelings on him. Now that he has reached his majority? I believe I have you beaten in the category of 'eldest wife'."

"I…am a lot older than you, Kelly," Shinji's smile turned sad. "If I concentrate, I can remember thousands of years. Millions." Shaking his head slowly, he took her hand, "I can remember working on a farm in Cork, making a type of bread that was just…delicious." Holding tight, he shared the dark side, "I remember someone wearing your face calling me terrible names because I wouldn't convert to Catholicism. I remember you taking the children and leaving because I wanted to teach them about the other half of their history."

She interrupted him by running her foot up his calf, "He is trying, with some success, to remain mindful of where and when he is. The memories of other times, other lives, hold both good and ill. My statement to him was that I cared not how we were brought together, only that we had been brought together. I, as you well know, love him with all of my heart. He is a good, patient, kind-hearted man who deserves to know the thoughts of those who would be a part of his life."

Kelly watched him for a moment, "Those other women were fools. If I had been gifted what they were, I would seek to balance my own history with yours. We both hail from island nations, with histories as different as the color of our skin, and each country making its fair share of odd decisions. Our children would only benefit greatly from knowing their past, and their place within the future." She flashed an amused grin, "Though I'd prefer to name our daughter something easily pronounceable to both our mother tongues."

"…Cara." The word seemed to weigh him down, "She…uhm, she was endlessly bright. Everything was done with a smile, and she made friends with anyone and anything she met."

Suzuka plied him for more, "Why do you frown so when you speak of her?"

His eyes dropped back to his lap, "Because I lost a wonderful woman the day I gained a wonderful daughter."

"Tell me about her," Kelly tugged on his hand, returning his eyes to her. "Since I never got to know her, I think I'd like to hear of what my child got up to without a woman around to keep you from working yourself to death." She may not be the woman who gave her to him, but she could grant him closure by pretending. If nothing else, it allowed him to smile at her in a way that melted her heart.

"She…learned the piano at five," he began. The next hour passed as he shared the little details of a young girl who'd never existed, smiling all the while as he watched the woman before him fall in love with a daughter she'd never birthed. It granted him peace, true, but most of all it helped him understand that even in the worlds where things went dark, there was still light if he looked for it.

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The third straight hour of fighting ended the same as the previous two, neither Shinji nor Suzuka gained a point. With his practice spear holding strong against her sword, the two warriors worked out their frustrations through combat instead of intimacy. Neither needed sleep, and both had issues that angered them sufficiently to power their strikes beyond which normal humans would have perished upon receiving. Despite this, one such human risked destruction to perform their duty.

"Good morning, Your Grace, Your Excellency," Kiyomi stood some distance away, in her dress uniform, having announced her presence. She was familiar with the pattern, and knew they would work to a halt in a manner that prevented property damage as they could. Holding the morning's briefings under one arm, she quietly assessed the man she swore to protect. She could see he was frustrated, but not with her, as his body wasn't closed off to her. Nearly four weeks of not seeing him had risked ruining her familiarity with him, and she didn't wish to break the pattern any more than it had already been.

"Captain," Suzuka nodded politely in greeting, before 'sheathing' her sword in the overlarge belt loop.

Shinji leaned on his spear, and spoke in a tone only she and Suzuka would hear, "I am sorry. After everything happened, it was too much for me. The honest truth is far more complex than you've likely been told, and when we have a chance I will share it with you. You've done exactly what I'd hoped you would, in keeping not only my family safe…but Hikari from doing anything rash and impulsive. I thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for your professionalism and competence."

She felt the flush of pride at the praise, and smothered it. She was not some rookie needing a pat on the head, as good as it felt to receive an honest one. The pleasure at the apology, however, was savored, "I appreciate your willingness to admit failure, Shinji. It takes true strength to know when you'd managed to get over your head, and shows that you're learning from mistakes." Extending the binder, she winked, "No charge for stopping Hikari. She's a good woman, who was in a rough spot. I empathized with her feeling helpless."

Flipping through the papers, Shinji laughed dryly, "Oh, the stories I have for you on that. Wait," he flipped back one page, "Bravo's being punished? For what?"

"Two soldiers turned up pregnant," the captain grimaced. "They aren't far enough along for it to have been a 'pre-existing' pregnancy, and neither is willing to provide us with the name of the fathers. While we may be deployed 'at home', the rules are still the rules. No sex in theater, for just this reason. I'm down two guns, and readying replacements we can trust isn't easy. They'll need to spin up, get used to operating with their new squad, efficiency drops dramatically. One would have been bad enough, but two around the same time? The Company gets punished."

"…Are they around?" He needed to test his control over Sandalphon's abilities, and his memories of the task were never negative experiences. "I'd like to express my disappointment, in person. Perhaps help remind everyone that I rely on them?"

Kiyoshi nodded, "Good idea. Your little speech after the inspection screwed a lot of heads on tighter. If you have a moment now, I'll wake Bravo's CO up and have her form everyone up." Taking his gesture towards the entrance to the compound as assent, she moved with a purpose towards the Command tents.

Suzuka stepped up alongside him, _What are we doing, pray tell? I doubt sincerely that you gave her the whole story._

 _Sandalphon. I need to pay off my debt to Suzuki and Yumi-chan, and I remember using this ability in other lives. If I can still manage it, I can help two more babies live healthier lives. While their mothers may have abdicated their responsibility, and rightly deserve punishment, I see no reason to punish the children for the sins of their parent._ He looked askance at her, _Do you?_

 _Your heart is showing, Little Bear._ Tapping his flank with the hilt of her sword, she winked at him. It made her feel better to see him continue his recovery, the Shinji Ikari she knew would seek any excuse to help a child, and that man clearly walked by her side. Perhaps more weathered, and with greater baggage, but the man was still present beneath the weight of years.

As they approached Bravo's encampment, runners could be seen flying around the camp barking out their commander's orders. Their Company Commander herself appeared slightly disheveled from being awoken after only two hours of sleep, but was quickly remedying that even as Kiyoshi quietly spoke to her. At Shinji's approach, the woman turned as one with her peer and saluted him, "Good morning, Your Grace. Thank you for taking time out of your day to address my troops. I do apologize for the breach of decorum, and will provide updates on those measures taken to regain our security posture."

"Thank you, Captain," Shinji inclined his head slightly. "I would also like a quick word, after this, with the two in question. I might have more luck in convincing them to be honest about the fathers. Maybe help them understand that their own punishment will only be harsher for protecting the other guilty party."

The woman nodded once, "Agreed. It's all good and well to protect your team, but their team helped them get into trouble. If the men are members of our unit, they ought to help them get back out of it."

"If they are not," Suzuka scowled, "one might be interested in how they came to be in their state with individuals who are not meant to be in the area."

The Company First Sergeant approached at a trot, presenting herself with a crisp salute and a report of everyone not on duty being present and accounted for. As Bravo's Commanding Officer turned, Shinji himself handed his training spear over to Kiyoshi to hold, "Probably shouldn't berate people while armed. I'm angry, not livid."

"All right, folks," the sometimes over-enthusiastic officer, who's name Shinji could not remember, stepped up onto a box that had been placed for her use. "I'm sure all of you know by now why liberty has been cancelled, and why we're all hip deep in camp duties for both Companies. You were all trained, briefed, and reminded before we even arrived regarding my expectations. Now, after he's returned from the seclusion he willingly entered to keep your minds safe from the Angel's attack, the Duke Ikari has been informed of your failure to meet those expectations. He's asked to address you personally, so eyes and ears open." Stepping down, she gestured to the box, "If you would, Your Grace."

He felt moderately ridiculous stepping up on the platform, but enough memories of their use provided him the reason to do so. He had to be seen in the back, and the height difference tapered off to where people would have their view blocked if he was on the ground, even at his own taller stature. "Well, I'd like to start by thanking those of you who've obeyed the rules. I am sorry that you must also receive punishment for your colleague's failures, and hope that you do not lose confidence in your leadership for doing what must be done to maintain order." Extending his awareness, he quickly found the two women carrying 'additional personnel' by the guilt weighing their songs down, standing side by side to his right as he faced the formation, "To those of you who failed, well…I'm disappointed. I had expected better, and to know that there are some among you who weren't willing to sacrifice for a few months so that I can focus on defeating the Angels…." He looked down to a point on the ground, his expression matching his tone, "Yeah. Disappointing."

His words carried over the assembled Company, and were conveyed over the radio to those units already deployed for the day. Each person hearing them had a slightly different reaction, but all felt the weight of his disappointment. For those who had a good relationship with their parents, it was as if their father had told them he expected better. For those who instead had been lucky enough to have a teacher they were close with, it was as if they'd failed a test they could have aced. And for those who had never had anyone to guide them, who'd joined Japan's military for the chance to find purpose and direction, it was a reminder that they were in a family now, and their family needed them to be stronger.

Scanning slowly over the crowd, he offered them a chance, "I would like it, if you are all willing, for each of you to write a small note, or a letter. I want you to tell me, in your own words, what it is you want out of life. What you think you might be able to do to get there. What you feel are the obstacles you just can't climb over on your own." With the sound of a giant, brassy, bell ringing, he set Shamshel's power to flowing across the land around him, "Because failure must be overcome. And none of you are so lost that you have no hope. Some mistakes must be met with punishment, discipline must be maintained. But if you use the punishment as a chance to regain focus, if you come out of this stronger, more committed to your duties, I know that all of you can attain greatness." Ending with his gaze on the two women, his eyes hardened, "Because the future, and those who come after us, deserve nothing but our best effort."

After Shinji stepped off the dais, the Commander stepped back up and took over, "You heard the Duke. In writing, by the end of the day. First Sergeant," she exchanged salutes with the most senior enlisted present, "take charge of the Company." Stepping back down, she walked over and joined Shinji with Kiyoshi and Suzuka, "Thank you, Your Grace. Lieutenant," she motioned for the closest junior officer to come over, "I want those two front and center." Turning back to Shinji, she smiled pleasantly, "Would you mind if I hefted your spear? You don't seem to have much problem with it, and I've wondered what type of wood you used." When he nodded, Kiyoshi wordlessly handed it over, leading the slightly smaller officer to frown, "That's…heavy. Is it weighted with something?"

Watching as Commander, Bravo Company, went through the motions of using his weapon as if it held a guidon, Shinji shook his head, "No. It's just wood." Catching sight of the two malingerers, he amended, "As well as the weight of those lives I must take. I train so that when I must kill, I do so without hesitation. Because, one day, other people will depend on me living, and the enemy dying."

The lieutenant charged with locating the two young enlisted reported in, and presented them to their Commanding Officer. The excitable young Commander, demonstrating how she earned her command, eyed both of the women for several long seconds before turning the spear back over to Kiyoshi and speaking, "His Grace has asked to speak with both of you, in person. He is not nearly as disappointed as I am, ladies. You were both on a good path, excellent PRT scores, solid reports from your NCOs, and you've set yourselves back quite a bit with this idiocy. I will find the men responsible, not because I'm 'mean', but because you have introduced a safety concern for the rest of _our_ Unit. For the Duke's family." Gesturing to Shinji, she inclined her head in respect, "Your Grace?"

Whereas he found that he had to actively assert Sachiel's power, and had to 'let go' to use Shamshel's, Shinji simply had to intend for Sandalphon to act. The Aspect's control over developing life was largely focused around repairing 'errors', those small quirks of biology that appeared in every form of flora or fauna on the planet. A 'healthy' organism would harmonize with the song of its host, or with those of a similar existence around it. An 'unhealthy' organism would be discordant, the unhealthier, the more discord it would display. Shinji's frown was as much for the burgeoning lives in the woman to his right, as the two before him. _Suzuka?_

 _I believe so, yes. Please focus on them, for now. We do have something of an image to maintain._ His living weapon seemed more than a trifle embarrassed.

That he might himself soon be a father would have, before his adventure through realities, caused him to freeze and stare off into space for a time before panicking. As it was, he still nearly did. Her reminder of his obligations was enough to forestall it, for now. The corrections made to the women before him were simple, and over before he even began to speak, "Your punishments will only be worse should you continue to refuse to provide the name of those who assisted you in this. Should you choose to retain these pregnancies, they will have a responsibility to _you_. I'm assuming neither of you are married?"

Both young women quietly announced, "No, Your Grace."

He tilted his head, "Then is it because you want to protect the men who helped you fail in your own responsibilities? Do you believe that they will, somehow, continue to go undiscovered? I assure you, this will be reported to my personal investigators. They will find the truth. It is not a matter of 'if', but 'when', and _when_ they are found the punishment for them, and both of you, will only be worse. Commander, am I mistaken in saying that by assisting you, they'll receive a lighter punishment?"

"You are not," the woman agreed evenly. "Cooperation is rewarded, disloyalty is punished."

The memory of Lilith's words caused him to internally shudder, the difference in goals between SEELE and the JSSDF reminding him that some things were universal. Group dynamics could only be maintained in certain ways. "I will offer you this, then. I will take you aside, one at a time, and you will give me a name. I will know if you lie, so I would not recommend you do so. In exchange, I will ask that the spirits bless your child with good health." Gesturing to the taller of the two, he then motioned to the side, "If you would, miss?" Offering her his elbow, remaining a gentleman despite everything, he walked the blushing junior enlisted far enough away that they would not be overheard, "I will remind you, I know when someone is lying. Please do not force me to prove it, I will become…vexed."

"Yes, sir." She was, in his estimation, four years his senior biologically. Of an age, in this life, with Maya and if he was honest with himself nowhere near as attractive. Unable to look him in the eyes, she let her head droop so that she was staring at his feet, "I…I'm afraid."

He could accept that as reasonable, "Of the man in question?"

"If I get booted out of the Army, I don't have anywhere to go." Her military bearing was nearly completely gone, "If I turn him in, and I get booted out, what will I do? My parents won't take me back, not now, and I don't have enough saved to take care of a kid and go to school. I…I…I slept with him, because he said I was pretty." Barking out a laugh, the first of her tears began to fall, "Nobody ever called me pretty before, and I…I was stupid! Look at me now!" Sobbing, she clenched her fists and let her emotions carry her to darker places, despite the power of Shamshel's hope.

Proving that even with his own suffering, Shinji was still the man he wished everyone else to be, he pulled the young woman into a gentle embrace, holding her as if he was her elder brother. _Suzuka, please ask Kiyoshi if they are expecting to be removed from service. She's afraid she'll lose her career entirely, and I need to know how to react._

The reply was quick in coming, _No, dear heart. They'll lose a chance at promotion this cycle, have to attend several instructional courses intended to prepare them for both motherhood and being a mother with military obligations should they choose to continue the pregnancy, and might be forced to train for a different vocational specialty. The good captain says that the Army doesn't quit on soldiers who don't quit on the Army._

"I promise you," he murmured comfortingly, "you won't be booted out of the Army, so long as you help restore discipline. It will be rough going, but you didn't join because you were weak. Accept your punishment, learn from this mistake, and commit yourself to becoming the best soldier you can be. Can you do that?" Pressing her back gently, he smiled his warmest smile, "Can you help your Commander restore order?"

Looking into his eyes for the first time, she saw a reminder of Shamshel's promise to the world, "L-Lieutenant Hoshi. It was Lieutenant Hoshi."

"Thank you." _Suzuka, it was a Lieutenant Hoshi. I want this man found. I know enough of the military to know that what he did was doubly wrong, he's an officer and should damn well know better than to abuse his position like this._ _Please tell her Commander that I am releasing her to her tent, with orders to write that letter._ "Please return to your tent, I really would like that letter. I need to know more about the people protecting me, so that I can help remove those barriers to your success." Accepting her soggy nod, and one final hug, he watched as the young woman walked towards the main camp. Two other junior enlisted seemed to be lingering nearby, and pulled her into a conversation as she passed. Their bearing friendly, it gave Shinji himself some hope for the future. _At least she won't be alone._

The second Private was waiting for him as he returned, "I don't need to go anywhere, sir. Whatever it is you said to her, she clearly told you the name. I don't need to hear it. You can keep your offer, I'm not talking."

The Lieutenant that had brought them over growled out, "Private, you will recover your bearing, or you will be reminded of its importance."

Shinji checked the man's nameplate, a part of him disappointed that it didn't read 'Hoshi'. "Private, all I told her was that I know when someone's lying. She then expressed fear, a perfectly rational response to the situation she finds herself in, and I asked her if she was afraid of anything in particular. She began to cry, because she is human, and was overwhelmed by not only life, but the fear of having no options. She gave me the name when I reminded her that there was hope. That she was stronger than she thought. I am not in the business of terrifying people into submission. I don't fight giant monsters with the intent of becoming one myself."

Far prettier than the other woman, she seemed to carry an indignance about her. The way she looked at him reminded him of Asuka, though without the overwhelming intelligence to support the bravado. This was a young woman who was used to using her charms and a waspish temper to get what she wanted, and it showed, "I'm going to get an abortion, and I'm not going to be booted from service. This was stupid, and it wouldn't have happened if the condom hadn't broken."

"It wouldn't have happened, had you done what you were supposed to do," Shinji countered gently. "Why protect the man who was an equal part in causing you this problem? You have to know we will find out who he is, and that both of you will be given extra punishment for hiding."

"Because everyone hates a snitch," she shrugged. "Besides, he won't be punished as badly, they never are."

He tilted his head slightly to the side, "Because he's male? Is that a problem in the unit, where the women are treated unfairly?"

"Because he's an officer," she replied, before realizing that she'd narrowed the field greatly.

"Ah," Shinji sighed. "Commander, I want Lieutenant Hoshi brought before me _now_. I don't care where he is, or what he's doing."

The private's eyes widened, "You…you _can_ read minds! I…I swear, I promise I didn't mean it. She's, uh, she's really a nice woman, I just get jealous, you know? She's still in High School and you're so hot, and you know I never got a chance to meet someone like you. It makes me think mean things. She was probably just really scared because you were hurt, and wanted to come see you. I didn't mean to think she was a stupid cow. I can't keep my mind from thinking dumb things, I swear!"

 _Do you have any idea what she's talking about?_ Looking to Suzuka, he saw her shake her head slightly.

The eternal woman spoke into a break in the babble, "Perhaps, in addition to the letter His Grace has requested, you may also pen an apology to the woman you've so maligned? Demonstrate that, despite your lack of self-control, you are attempting to overcome your failings."

"Yes, ma'am," the young woman nodded eagerly. "I'll do that."

"Lieutenant, remand Private Hirasawa to her quarters, and light a fire under the search for Lieutenant Hoshi," Bravo Company's Commanding Officer cut off any further outbursts. Once the four were alone, she turned with some embarrassment to Shinji, "I cannot apologize enough, Your Grace."

"No, no," he waved it off. "People are flawed. If I started sharing every stupid thing I've done in my life, we'd be here until the heat death of the universe." _Suzuka, realizing that I probably should have noticed, when were you going to tell me?_ "Is the Lieutenant on duty somewhere? This isn't the world's largest camp."

 _When I knew for certain. It has only been close to a month since we first_ compromised _,_ her voice was quiet, thoughtful.

"I guess I'm just lucky that my mind is mostly filled with old cartoon theme songs," the younger officer laughed ruefully. "Though I'd imagine you're tired of hearing Anpanman by now."

"There are worse things to think," Kiyoshi said with a nervous glance towards Suzuka, who simply issued a knowing smile.

"I can't…fully read minds," Shinji groaned. "Even if I could, I wouldn't go around looking through people's heads. That would be rude, and a complete invasion of their privacy. Coincidence and irony follow me around wherever I-" Cutting himself off as he saw two larger NCOs manhandling who he presumed was Lieutenant Hoshi towards them under the supervision of two other Lieutenants, Shinji began to radiate anger as his left eye began to glow with molten flame. "Captain Honda, is there some form of allowance for me to impose punishments? I admit to not being quite as familiar as I ought to be with your regulations and manuals."

"We can compromise," she clenched her jaw, hoping that the quick burst of scarlet was presumed to be anger instead of embarrassment, "you tell us what you want done, and we'll see about implementing it. He'll still be court martialed, considering the accusations. However, since it is well known that you can detect lies, we'll be glad to issue our portion of the judgement here and now."

"Ma'am, what is going on here?" The classically handsome accused junior officer glowered at everyone, "I was-"

"Shut up," Shinji snapped. The crack of thunder that followed reminded everyone present, that they were in the presence of what most of them considered 'the divine', "I will ask you two questions. You will answer them. Lie, and I will know it." The man tried to back away, but was held fast by the two NCOs, neither of which were afraid of Shinji. He was protecting them, his grace offered glory to all willing to follow him into the new world. "Did you engage in sexual intercourse with individuals under her command," he indicated the Commander of Bravo.

The man scoffed, "I refuse to answer."

Shinji had prepared for such an event, "Are you familiar with the rights afforded me as a member of the renewed peerage?" Summoning his true spear, he held it tight in one hand, leveling it at the man's chest, "Again, I will know if you're lying."

"N-no," much of his remaining bravado fled in the face of thinly restrained violence.

Shinji's voice hardened, "Your Excellency, would you kindly educate the Lieutenant?"

His eldest wife responded with a soft smile, "As His second, We are pleased to inform you that failure to answer the first question will result in the issuing of a formal challenge. His Grace feels that you have abdicated the moral responsibilities you held as a commissioned officer, and inflicted distress and suffering upon those sheltering under His hand. Should you believe yourself innocent of the charges, simply declare that you are such and name your second. You may then choose the weapons, and make peace with eternity for you will swiftly be sent to reside within its embrace."

"And so I ask you again," lightning began to arc along the haft of the spear in his grasp, "did you engage in sexual intercourse with individuals under her command?"

"Y-y-yes," he nodded, speaking the truth, eager to avoid any situation in which he might have to face the glowing god of death before him in battle.

Touching the tip to the man's neck, where it joined his chest, Shinji scowled, "You are a filthy, vile, disgusting human being. You have willingly abused the trust placed in you by those under your command, and the faith placed in you by those who command you. You have led two young women, at least, into suffering and hardship. You will lead them no longer. Commander, I wish him remanded to custody. Limited rations, without pay. I demand to be informed of his forthcoming trial, and will send a representative to present my expectations. Regardless of the punishment the Army imposes," a tongue of lightning crawled from the tip and laced along the man's neck, marking him, "I am banishing him from my lands."

"So speaks His Grace Shinji Ikari, The Duke of Chūbu, first of his name, Paladin of the Realm, Acting Regent and Devoted Protector of Old Hakone and its Environs," Suzuka intoned. "Let any who challenge His decree present themselves now."

"Get him out of here," the younger Commander ordered. "I want him on the first transport to Yokosuka. Lieutenant, get the paperwork ready for my signature."

Kiyoshi watched as Shinji slammed the butt of his spear into the ground, and positioned herself between him and the encampment to force him to focus on her, "I'm not defending the man, Your Grace, but compelled testimony isn't admissible in court, generally."

"The investigation will find sufficient evidence, and I am acting within my rights as the Imperial Agent assigned to this region," surprising everyone with his calm voice, he kept his face hard. Looking between the two commanders, he shook his head sadly, "He'll admit his guilt. Please, canvas your people and ask them to come forward. If there was two, there might be more. A reminder that admitting what you've done will lead to lighter punishment for them will help. False accusations are to be avoided, punished when they occur, and if necessary I will make myself available to determine who is lying and who is telling the truth."

"Again, not defending him," Kiyoshi pushed the point forward, "but you didn't come down nearly as hard on the enlisted. Neither of them spoke as if they were coerced, legality and ethics aside."

His eyes locked onto hers, "If you became pregnant by someone under your command, I would come down just as hard on you. It was not his gender, Captain, it was his position. We are meant to be examples. Leaders. We hold their trust in our hands, and when we cast it aside like so much garbage, we must be punished that much harder." Dismissing his spear, he reclaimed his practice weapon, "Now, I understand you are likely to be busy. We will have to take breakfast together tomorrow. Suzuka, I believe we need to talk."

Accepting Shinji's offered elbow, the willowy warrior braced herself for what would follow, "Of course, Your Grace."

+++++ 14th Angel + 26: Sunday (115)

"You're _kidding_ ," Kodama clapped her hands over her mouth.

Maya, who'd sat through the announcement watching Shinji's face, shook her head, "They wouldn't joke about this."

Rose scrubbed her hand through her hair, "Well, that changes our security posture some."

Hikari, on the other hand, stood and crossed over to hug the woman who'd beaten her to the punch, "Congratulations. I look forward to helping you however I can." A small part of her was jealous, envious, but ultimately she'd made the decision to not remove her birth control implant and accepted that it was her choice not to attempt anything.

Suzuka wrapped the younger woman in her arms, "Thank you…Hikari. I will lean on you as I must, but I expect that you will still pursue your own goals. Waiting was the course of wisdom, I simply have never needed to worry about such things. Or so I had thought. Four hundred years of supposed infertility led to complacency, an act compounded by my haste a month ago."

Shinji's eyes remained on the origin of the current dilemma, "They're healthy. As healthy as I've ever seen."

Kodama looked rapidly between him and Suzuka, "They? You mean the baby and Suzuka?"

"He means the twins," Maya crossed over to sit next to Shinji. "Shinji, sweetie, talk to me."

"I have made the world's biggest mistake," he announced. "We are still at war, and I've removed a weapon from our arsenal. I've introduced a vulnerability to be assaulted. I…I can't undo this. There's no going back." Looking down to the woman who protected his emotions, he whimpered, "Maya, I-I'm s-sorry."

"Shh, shh, shh," hopping up onto her knees, she hugged him close. "You've done nothing wrong," with his face against her neck, she tried to gauge how Suzuka was taking his statement. Relief flooded her as the woman did not appear disheartened, but instead shone with sympathy. "Suzuka is our wife, now. She's a part of our family. One of us had to be first, and why not the woman who's spent more time on Earth than any of us?"

Rose shifted to the other side of him from Maya, and joined in the embrace, "The first is always hardest for a new family. There are challenges, sure, but there's also celebration! Think of this, Shinji, we'll be bringing a new life into the clan! Two, if I heard you correctly. Such an auspicious beginning to our family, worthy of songs and toasting."

Kodama rubbed her cheeks, "Well. I've been doing some reading on prenatal development, because continuing education is the only way to retain my certifications and I kind of figured we'd need some in-house specialty care anyway. If Ritsuko-san moves in, that'll make three people with training available. We certainly won't lack for funding, with everyone's paychecks." Smiling as her nerves settled, she looked to the woman she'd long considered an aunt, "Congratulations are in order. You're going to listen to me when I'm speaking as a nurse, though. No arguing."

"See?" Maya laced her fingers with Roses, and rubbed Shinji's back, "It's just another challenge we face as a family. Kodama and I can keep everyone healthy, you and Rose can keep everyone safe."

"I believe I will still be able to fight, Maya-dono," Suzuka kept her tone even, to not push Shinji further. "If women weren't able to remain active during pregnancy the species would have died out long, long ago. At most, we have little more than another month before all will be finished. I should not be much more than two months into my pregnancy, women have been known to run marathons at near to birthing. So long as I listen to my body, and yes, Kodama-chan, take advice from my medically trained family members, this will not hinder me."

"Still, though," Kodama hopped to her feet, bouncing over and hugging both her sister and aunt exuberantly, "babies!"

Shinji caught Suzuka's eyes, the hope and trust she held for him within them. He had condemned a man today for risking his fellow soldiers. He had spoken of leadership, and honor. He wasn't ignorant of the difference, and the ugly part of him, the part that wanted to hold all of the responsibility for the entire household so that no one could fail but him…let go. "I can't make everyone's decisions. I can't tell you all how to feel. If four other women I love more than life itself can all celebrate this…." Scooping up Rose and Maya, he carried them over to hug all five women, "I'm going to be a dad."

Hikari beamed up at him, with Rose squishing her in a hug as well. Kodama laughed and fought against bouncing with joy as Maya was pulled into her embrace. The mother of his unborn children, the woman who'd sworn to stand by him for all time, simply mouthed a heartfelt, 'Thank you'. He couldn't fight every battle. He _wouldn't_ become contrarian simply because someone told him he 'must' do something. If his fate was to love and be loved, then he would love as best as he could. At least…he would try.

+++++ 14th Angel + 26: Sunday (115)

"Which is why I'm standing here, and not down with my husband," Maya raised her eyebrow, irritation growing with the woman before her. "You were right to be miffed that we didn't tell you right away once we knew about Lilith. Now that the intel has changed, I'm giving you an update. Yes, the situation is incredibly fluid. I don't have any control over it, and neither do you."

"But she's been pulling people into his soul, and she expressly told me that she couldn't protect me. She lied," Misato slapped the table. "Why would she lie, if she's willing to just go against what he wants?!"

"Do I look like a supermodel?" The Lieutenant Colonel's patience had worn out, "Impossibly black hair? Perkier tits than you? What makes you think I know why she does the things she does, hmm? I know what I've reported as truth, because Shinji didn't call her out on it. I'm here, on my day off, _not with my husband,_ and you're yelling at me like I'm the one yanking women off the street to fill holes in destiny's jigsaw puzzle!"

NERV's Second in Command, a woman not known to back down from any challenge, leaned forward, "Are you quite done?"

"No." Maya turned and kicked Misato's trashcan, sending it into the wall, then caroming off into a corner, "Now I'm done."

Frowning at her now-dented garbage receptacle, Misato shook her head, "I'm not yelling at _you_ , Maya."

"I know you're not. I'm just…Shinji didn't ask for this. He didn't ask for any of it. He loves me more than words can possibly say. He didn't turn to Hikari, or Kodama, when he announced what happened. He apologized to _me_." Hugging her arms around her waist, the woman with two lives sat heavily on the couch, "I'm so angry I could chew through a tire, and I have to keep it together so that a man capable of chewing through a planet knows that it will be ok." Flopping to her side, she continued to cast off her professionalism, "I want to push him into a bed and not let him out until I'm pregnant too. I can't stop thinking about having a baby with him. But it's not the best idea. One of us pregnant is enough of a problem, two of us would just introduce chaos. I can wait for a month and a half. The last Angel will be gone, we'll all be alive, and then he and I can celebrate by creating another life or three."

"…It sucks. Responsibility, I mean." Walking over, she sat down on the couch by her friend, lifted Maya's head up and scooted over so that she could provide her lap as a pillow. With the grouchy scientist resting on her, she began to comb her fingers through the smaller woman's hair, "You're doing a good job. I know you've had help, and I know you'll say you're not doing it all yourself, but you're still getting praise. He's still here, he's still fighting, and you carry a great deal of the responsibility for that."

The part of Maya that was forever fresh out of college, that had bright-eyed enthusiasm for the part she was to play in saving the world, reveled in being comforted by a woman she'd long had the hots for. Laying where she was had been something she'd dreamt of, from time to time, though always waking with a hint of shame. It wasn't that her spouses weren't attractive, and she even had Suzuka and Rose to compare Misato's beauty to now, but the 'forbidden' always held an allure. It was why she wasn't too hard on Hikari, as the young woman lacked even her 'minor' maturity and ability to cope with the 'bad thoughts'.

Still, she decided she'd take advantage of the situation to help her husband, while possibly setting up future chances at making a childish dream come true, "Misato?"

The lavender-haired beauty chuckled, "Maya?"

"You were awfully specific when you mentioned you and Shinji hadn't done anything the night of the last Angel attack." Shifting so she laid on her back, she looked up at her 'boss', "Maybe the reason Lilith didn't pull you in, is because she wants you to choose of your own volition. She wants you to offer yourself to Shinji, so that there's no bitter memories. If Creation needs him to have so many wives…you should ask him. I don't see a reason to hold back, because there has to be a role for you somewhere in its plans."

"So you're angry at Lilith, and life, for pulling in more women than you want in your marriage. And your response, for some reason, is to pull in another woman?" Giving her friend 'the look', Misato shook her head as she righted Maya's hair, "You are a strange woman, Maya Ikari."

"We can only fight fate in so many ways," she closed her eyes, enjoying the sensation of being comforted. "He's fought against anyone else this entire time, and the harder he's fought, the more force has been applied to adding more women. If we don't comply soon, I'm worried that he'll have to deal with someone parachuting out of a clear blue sky and landing crotch first on his face."

+++++ Author's Notes

SK: RE: Swords and Truth

The sword eventually started to resemble a mace for all the sides Shinji's had to take into consideration of late.

TheHiddenLettuce: RE: Zeruel

Shinji and Zeruel have not met yet (in his soul), and the benefits he has gained from joining with the Angel of Strength have not been detailed as of yet. You have not missed anything.


	116. Chapter 116

+++++ 14th Angel + 26: Sunday (115)

"Well, not that you needed confirmation, but congratulations," Ritsuko tapped the monitor displaying a series of results, and one word written in much larger font indicating a positive result. "You are, in fact, pregnant. Despite our supposition that Shinji's sperm were inert, and therefore unlikely to cause this, it appears that he's quite capable of inducing pregnancies."

Suzuka smiled softly, unlikely to be unfazed by the reality that she was to finally experience the joys that she believed forever denied to her, "Might I have a paper copy of the results? I would like to append them to the scrapbook Shinji keeps important mementos in."

Striking a button combination, she set the printer in motion, "Don't see why not. I'll eventually need to do a sonogram on you, check for fetal development once you're further along so we can get a feel for when about you'll give birth. Still images of them would make good scrapbook material as well." Twirling her lollipop in her mouth, she tilted her head thoughtfully, "He's sure it's twins?"

"He was quite explicit with the declaration," looking over the hardcopy of her test results, the willowy warrior couldn't stop from smiling more broadly. "I am to be a mother."

"You already are," Ritsuko corrected. "You want to keep them, which means everything you do needs to be focused on what's best for maintaining your health. Your health, is their health. That means certain changes, though not many with as active a lifestyle as you lead. It's typically recommended that you exercise while pregnant, to help stop gestational diabetes among other problems, and with your habit of walking, and trying to bludgeon the father of your children, you get more than enough of that. Since Shinji is very careful about everyone's diet, eating properly ought not be a problem, though I'm going to recommend you cut out your habit of sugary coffee."

"When will you be moving in with us?" Suzuka had given most of the advice she was now receiving, over the long years of her life, and didn't need to hear it in a different pitch to her own voice, "We will, of course, need to expand the Manor again. Such is fate, it appears, but I see no reason for us to delay the issue. Should you require assistance, I would be glad to ask that the Shirakami provide those we can trust to transfer your household goods."

The former blonde leaned against the computer desk, willing to allow the conversation to take a new direction, "Is everyone all right with me moving in? He and I haven't even gone on a date."

Ever Shinji's most determined guardian, the woman smiled comfortingly, "Shinji would never ask that you do so. He does not wish to remove your autonomy. However, you have been granted access to his soul. SEELE has already acted in a manner that resulted in the death of one woman we considered might someday have that position." Allowing the unspoken truth to perform its dark magic, she looked up from the papers in her hands, "For _your_ safety, and _his_ peace of mind, when will you be moving in with us?"

+++++ 14th Angel + 26: Sunday (115)

"It looked fantastic!" Tsuru declared, helping Hikari with the laundry. "I wish I had one too, it looked so light and comfortable. Perfect for really hot days, and it wouldn't let you get a sunburn."

Yang's ability to move backwards down the stairs without tripping allowed her to face the other two as she spoke, "No care and handling instructions, though. We're going to have to go to the MAGI-network and ask around."

Hikari was already ahead of the curve, as usual, "Already did. You prewash, in warm but not hot water. Then you wash in cold, tumble dry on low heat, and iron with low heat to remove crinkles." She groaned, "I love the way it felt, but maintenance is going to be such a pain."

"But think of all the jealous looks you'll get," the farmgirl's grin was infectious. "It's daring without being risqué, flattering without making you look like a delinquent, and the off-white actually accents your skin wonderfully. Again, _jealous_."

"Maybe we can ask Rose to help us all make one for ourselves, they're common where she's from, and so she'd have to at least be familiar with how to make the fabric," Yang, ever practical, sought solutions instead of lamenting problems. "If she can fly across the galaxy, she can easily pull up records on her own culture, right? We can ask the Shirakami to help us find something similar to what she used, if her ship doesn't have access to textiles."

Hikari pursed her lips, "Could we dye the fabric? The off-white may be because of the extreme sun exposure on a desert world. Would dyeing whatever they use ruin the texture? So many questions." Landing with authority on the basement floor, she grinned, "Ladies, I think we have our project for the day. Let's see about finding good color matches for every one of us in our group, so that we don't reuse colors, and we can all have our own wraps."

"Maya-san _has_ to have pink," Tsuru declared eagerly. "That bubblegum color she wore in the photo looks absolutely _adorable_ on her." Biting her lip, she blushed, "Your wife really did look a treat in that, Hikari."

"I know," Hikari purred. "Best hundred thousand Yen we've ever spent."

" _Hundred_ _thousand_?" Yang's jaw dropped, "And you went to one of the stores affiliated with the Shirakami, right?"

"It was discounted too," the freckle-faced beauty agreed. "Have you felt the fabric? It looks like it's rigid, but it is extremely soft and pliant. High quality material like that, I wouldn't be surprised if they sold it to us at what it cost."

"I…haven't wanted to pry," Tsuru began folding the items from the dryer, "but how much money do you make, as a household? Several of the college financial assistance applications mention the gross income of the family I'm living with."

"A lot," Hikari shrugged, sorting out the clothing to be washed. "We haven't even touched the Horaki family funds. Enough that I intend to make certain you and Yang are able to attend universities nearby, so that you don't have to move out. I've been budgeting everything recently, and preparing a plan for approval by everyone, to afford some entertainment expenses. Horror movies for Yang, puzzle books for Sakura-chan, things like that. We'd save some money if we didn't have to pay personal shoppers, but I can't deny the safety concerns of late. As it is, with my plan, we'd still be setting aside one hundred and fifty thousand per pay period."

"That's not bad, for a household," Yang wondered at their expenses as she stacked the folded items to be carried upstairs.

"Oh, that's per person," the Class Rep smiled over her shoulder. "It was decided that family paychecks would be split amongst everyone living here evenly, after bills had been paid. The money would only become accessible after you'd joined the household permanently, though. Kodama and I insisted, to protect everyone."

Tsuru nearly fumbled the shorts she was folding, "That's three point nine million Yen a year!"

"The numbers will change a bit, if Ritsuko and the others buy into the plan," Hikari nodded, agreeing with the math. "We hope that everyone will remain frugal, though. We don't need much, and we can invest the money towards a comfortable future. If we're going to live forever, there's no rush to enjoy life _now_. Plan wisely, spend wisely, and after long enough we'd be able to take jobs we want instead of working just to support ourselves."

"Ma, and Aunty Nanako, are doing their bit for that," Yang suddenly wished she had peeked at the numbers the two women had been working over. "They've been managing your investments for a few months, haven't they?"

"And refusing compensation, which is irritating," Hikari sighed. "We finally agreed that two percent of the funds gained would go towards funding the restaurant and the club, but only if I accepted that we ate their free from now on."

"Which you would have anyway," the leggy waitress chuckled. "That's Ma for you, ending a future argument by leveraging a present one."

"Hikari…I-I can't accept money I haven't earned," Tsuru's thumbs were worrying holes in the shirt she clutched tightly to her chest. "If I manage to convince everyone, if I get to be with you, it wouldn't be right for me to just take that."

"Then earn it," Hikari was unmoved. "Be active in the household. Make friends with the women that live here. Help Sakura-chan and Nozomi-chan study for their future. Be the kind of woman that we know you can be, and whenever everyone agrees with accepting you, know that we've been preparing for you to join. You _will_ be our equal, Tsuru. Not an afterthought, not a bit of charity. When bad things happen, we will need you to step up and hold everyone together. Just like me, just like Yang."

Yang, herself, was hopeful that Hikari's return to 'determined, confident, woman' was permanent. The household had been shaken recently by what had been discovered, but she sensed that her peer was regaining her footing, and not just drawing false confidence from proximity to others, "I was wondering, though, and stop me if I'm wrong." The young Shirakami asked the question that had been bugging her, "Creation wants us all here…what happens if we're not bonded? Are we going to be replaced? Does whatever force it is that is supposedly doing this have a time limit? Because, if it does, you might not be the 'youngest wife'."

+++++ 14th Angel + 26: Sunday (115)

"I…think I'll ask him," Kelly murmured as Kodama gave her a bed bath.

"I think you should," the busty nurse grinned. "I think I've said that from the beginning."

"Don't tease, [Song]," Rose clicked her tongue. "Every woman must find her own path. That she's taken her time to decide is not a terrible thing, as it shows she values herself _and_ she values him." Leaning, from her seated position, against the railing on the side of the bed she was on, the pink-skinned captain smiled comfortingly, "So. Does that mean you'll accept my offer too?"

"Oh?" Kodama looked between the two women, "I didn't know you two were an item."

"No, no," Kelly shook her head. "Not that Rose isn't a lovely woman, but I'm not sure I'm interested in expanding my horizons that far. At least, not yet. She's offered to have her people prepare something to fix my legs, in the event that I chose to ask Shinji to accept me into his life."

"We can disguise the treatment, at that point, as part of the bonding process," Rose elaborated. "That way the UP3 is maintained, at least in spirit, and we don't have to explain to your governments why someone who is known to need at least another two months in a cast is suddenly up and moving around of their own volition. I feel terrible, not being able to treat Sakura, but if we did she'd have to stay out of school, or explain why a child is suddenly permanently bonded to a man twice her age. She's managing on her own, and…I may have slipped her the occasional boost."

"Rose," the nurse in Kodama was unamused, "your doctor should have informed you that providing treatments without consulting with the patient is unethical. And certainly should have informed you that doing so without talking to her care providers is _dangerous_."

"I promise," the captain held her hands out to sue for peace, "it was only little things, nothing that would interact badly with her treatments here. My Chief Medical Officer refused to give anything stronger, citing exactly what you just said. You have to admit, you must have noticed that she was progressing faster than she ought to have, even with Shinji's love supporting her."

"I _had_ attributed it to Shinji's influence," Kodama sighed in irritation. Turning back to her patient, she changed the topic away from one that made her want to slap someone, "Kelly, I honestly believe that you and he would get along fabulously. So long as you remain aware that we have a right to his time, and you're willing to keep working hard for the benefit of the household as a whole, you have my blessing."

"Then…that's two down," the redhead smiled hopefully. "Now, I need to receive permission from Suzuka, Maya, and Hikari. I want to do this right. I'm already going against how I was raised, and Lord above this is going to be a conversation when I speak to my father. My sister won't let me live it down either, as she called it ages ago. But the good man of the church that raised me better is going to blister my ears."

+++++ 14th Angel + 26: Sunday (115)

"I don't like it," Shinji stated with quiet fervor. Sitting down on a low stool, looking at the gaunt woman before him. Held by the wife of that woman's brother, he begged the world to grant him some form of clarity. "I don't like it, but I can't fight it. It seems the harder I fought, the worse things became. When I…let go, of the dread, of the anger, and just accepted that my life was the way it is, I could _feel_ the world unclench. Like this enormous vice that had been crushing my skull shattered all at once."

"Not every man is intended for a simple life, brother," Vidar's rumble from his place on the side of the bed opposite Shinji was just loud enough to be understood.

Jorth, with her voluminous chest against Shinji's back, and her warm arms around his neck, agreed with her husband, "Our family knows this for truth, brother dear. My husband would never tell you of his own trials, it is not his way. Poor Idunn, she's had it worse than him. Neither would wish you to think them comparing battle scars, and both have only wanted to be certain you were well tended. If that means the spirits grant you a multitude of wives? Then we simply want to know they are the kind of women you deserve to be tended by."

The bouncing line indicating Idunn's pulse continued on its steady way. He could tell that the woman had been receiving excellent care, but a month spent in a coma had done terrible things to the once powerful-seeming agent's appearance. She'd lost a great deal of muscle mass to atrophy, and general body weight to the same. Her hair, once a lively window into her emotions, lay limp and lifeless. The worst, to Shinji, was how her skin had gone from a milky pale, to a sickly white. This woman, this warrior that had fought to save him from a situation he did not wish to be in…was dying.

"Am I really your brother?" The question was asked as much of himself as them, "I saved Noelle from kidnappers, only to lose her to flames. I pulled Idunn out of the hole in reality, only to lose her to…this. I haven't saved anyone."

"You've done what you could," Jorth squeezed him gently. "That is what matters, not any of the rest. You fought to give her a chance, you hurt yourself to buy her that chance. Never once with the expectation that someone would pay you, or that you'd be lauded as a hero. You did this for _them_ , not for you. That is what makes you our brother."

Vidar's nod of agreement was all he'd say on the matter. The man was hurting, just as Shinji was, watching Idunn wither away. He knew that Shinji was full of doubts, and felt it his duty as the 'older brother' to make certain the young man was heard. He, like his wife, wished that the man had been born in Norway. Where they would have been able to raise him properly, with love and kindness, so that the doubts which plagued him had no fertile ground to grow within. As it was, they expected him to be involved in their own bit of good news, with Jorth recently pregnant herself.

"I just…I wish I knew how to fix this." Reaching out with one hand, he lightly touched Idunn's shoulder. Filtering through the various noises in his mind, he struggled to recall any hint of a life that had used one of the Aspects in a way that would bring her back. Clenching his teeth, he cast the thought out, _Lilith, if you can hear me…how do I fix Idunn?_ He'd sacrifice anything of himself to fix those who'd suffered beneath the curse of the Evangelions. _There has to be a way._ Silence greeted him. Wherever she was, whatever she was doing, she was not responding.

"If there is a way, you will find it," Jorth comforted him. "If there is not, then we have at least had this chance to say goodbye. A chance to return her home, and bury her with dignity."

 _Sleep_.

The whispered thought came out of nowhere, and Shinji had to look around to see if someone had spoken. The voice, achingly familiar, was too quiet to place, "I…."

"Husband, kindly shift your sister onto her side," Jorth separated from Shinji, moving to help. "The spirits have spoken, and he needs to take a quick nap."

"As you say, Priestess," the big man did not hesitate, and experienced no difficulties in arranging a space for Shinji to lay down beside his sister. Catching the confused concern in the young man's eyes, he shook his head, "Do what the spirits say, Paladin. We have your wing."

"Paladin, get in the bed," Jorth was not nearly as interested in cajoling. The woman knew well enough that the spirits rarely took a direct hand, and did not see any of the more prurient implications that Shinji worried over in the act. He was, and would ever be, a gentleman. He would always, however, need a kick in the ass to get over his fears. The latter was not spared because of the former. Pushing him upright, she urged him to lay down. "Any who challenge the need will not sit proper for a month, I care not who they are. I will show them what it means to piss off a daughter of the frost."

Carefully settling his bulk into place, face to face with Idunn, he gave one last questioning look to Vidar, and received another confident nod in return. Closing his eyes, he sought that most elusive of all prey, and was quickly out like a light.

+++++ 14th Angel + 26: Sunday (115)

"Finally!" Greeted by a desperate embrace as he landed in a twilit expanse, he found his arms full of Ireul. The dark-skinned former Angel held him tightly, one hand on his back and the other on the back of his head, her face buried in his neck, "Oh, my love, I missed you so."

He was confused as to his location, not trusting that he was in his soul, or in his mind, "…Iri? I, uh, why haven't you responded?" Trying to pull her off so that he could look in her eye, he only managed to increase her grip, "Iri, where are we?"

"Your dreams," she replied simply, nuzzling his cheek. "It's a place outside of the shield, and with all of the sustenance you've given me recently I have…well, I have significant sway here now. I can control your dreams, so long as you don't fight me."

"The shield?" Pushing harder, he managed to urge her to allow him to look at her, "What shield?"

"The shield Sahaquiel is holding in place to prevent interference in your soul. Not long after you collapsed, after… _she_ ," the regal Aspect refused to say Hikari's name, "poisoned you with her family's curse, those of us within you agreed that Lilith was not being truthful. Your daughter, showing her maturity, chose to wall off the outside world until we could be certain it was safe. As powerful as she may be, Lilith is not more powerful than your love for Sahaquiel and her love for you combined. Your attempts to reach us, and your control over our gifts, have sustained us. While you were incapacitated, the burden of maintaining your love for them fell to me. I turned your pain, your fear, into shelter and comfort…because I could not imagine you wishing anything else for us."

"You protected them," he took in a deep breath, relaxing as another fear was assuaged. "Thank you, Iri." Frowning, his eyebrows knit, "How do I know this is you, though? If I'm dreaming, wouldn't this risk just being my idealized version of you?"

"I want to shove you into a bed and act in a manner most unbecoming my station," she breathed huskily. "I want to ride you until I, too, am gravid with your children." Her hands began to massage his arms, "I want to cast aside our duties, and fill your mind with what pleasures I may grant you until neither of us are able to walk straight." Pulling him down into a kiss that left no doubts as to the truth of her statements, she held him in place for several minutes, only dropping back to smile seductively and state with confidence, "Would your 'idealized' version of me still be so…forward?"

"That's…a very fair point," as had become common, there was a part of him disagreeing with the whole. The woman he held, despite her similar appearance to Rei, was beautiful both inside and out. The warnings to not trust any of the shadows within him just didn't ring true as he dealt with the Aspects. None of them asked him to do anything but create. None of them set rules, or issued demands, or wanted anything but him to admire their creations. He had to take a risk, just as the woman in his hands had, "Iri…I've received some news that you won't like."

+++++ 14th Angel + 26: Sunday (115)

"The number wasn't accurate," Mikoto grimaced, sitting in the back of the Blue Crane with Akane and Nicolette. They had been granted privacy, no questions asked, and had used their time efficiently to go over the hardcopies of everything they could find related to the SEELE investigation from their commander's office.

"Somehow that's not comforting," Akane groaned. "She was off by ten, in the wrong direction."

Nicki, having worked for the man the longest, was by far angrier than either of her compatriots, "This goes directly against everything he's ever believed in. I have spent _years_ struggling by his side to undo the worst corruption known to man. He oversaw the deradicalizing of the Balkan states. He managed to unsnarl _Chechnya_ , of all places. If this isn't someone running a false flag operation…."

"These are all signed by him," Akane shrugged. "Every single one. The subtle flaws in his signature, they're more proof these are real. If it was fake, someone would have used an autopen, or made it look just like another signature he'd used. You can almost see the desperation grow as time went on."

"But it means that she only has to believe something to be true," Mikoto pushed the uncomfortable topic away for the moment. "His truth radar isn't flawless."

Akane puzzled at her partner, "Was there a specific part of the number she offered that changed the question, Miki?"

"No." The scarecrow shook her head, "I just like knowing that I can still sneak things past Shinji. It will make birthdays easier. I have to imagine shopping for him is going to be challenging enough as it is, I don't want the added difficulty of my boyfriend, lover, and eventually husband being able to ask one question and undo my effort to surprise him." She looked to Nicolette, "We can't bring this up to the UNHC yet. If we do, we invite chaos right when we need order."

"I'm taking this directly to him," Nicolette declared firmly. "He's _always_ held us to a higher standard. _Always_. I want answers."

Akane set her hands behind her head, cupping the back of her skull, "And if you 'accidentally' die?"

"Then you two know who did it," the blonde shrugged. "Tell Jake, arrest General Benoit."

"And Gendo Ikari," Mikoto began to gather up the paperwork. "Because I guarantee you, it wasn't just your boss that's been behind this."

"Kid, I'm not going to tell you your business," Akane stood up. "But I _am_ going to tell you that charging in angry and half right is worse than waiting and approaching this calm and fully right. We've got an obligation to Shinji, and in our opinion," she gestured between herself and Mikoto, "that supersedes everything else."

Nicki scowled at both of the other women, "He's been ordering murders!"

The experienced operator raised her eyebrow challengingly, "And if he doesn't have the proper authorization he'll pay, when we aren't going to throw the defense of mankind out the window. All of you are only here because he's here. A new commander would yank all of you off of Shinji in a heartbeat. The military's doing the job you were originally brought here to do, with more manpower, more weapons, and more oversight. Who's to say that this supposed new commander wouldn't be a plant by SEELE? Where we stand, we can gather evidence. In a new regime? I'm nothing but a well-trained busybody looking for a job so I'm not just sucking Shinji's dick for money."

"He wouldn't pay you, unless you counted returning the favor," Mikoto slid the last of the documents into the briefcase and locked it shut. "That's even presuming he'll allow us to do that in the first place. Doesn't seem his gig."

The blonde agent groaned in frustration, "How can you two joke at a time like this?"

"Because the other option is flailing with useless anger, or crying because for all of the advancements we've made in cleaning up NERV, we're right back to the people in charge potentially engaging in extrajudicial crimes that can't be prosecuted without threatening the best hope of mankind to survive this nonsense." Akane shrugged, "Let's go get Shinji, get some pizza for everyone at the Manor, eat something unhealthy, and watch something stupid or funny. Maya and Ritsuko agreed to say nothing until we'd investigated. We're still investigating. We make sure Shinji understands that, and everyone survives another two months."

+++++ 14th Angel + 26: Sunday (115)

"It makes sense," Ireul considered his words carefully. "I wouldn't trust us either, Shinji. We have a tendency to think of the entirety of reality, and not just the world you and they live on. There may be times where we disagree with a group of five women destined to defend all of Creation against the type of beings we used to be. I would trust you to take our words into consideration, though. You're not cruel."

"I just want everyone to learn to live in the same sandbox." Reaching up and scrubbing his fingers along his scalp, Shinji scowled at the ground, "There has to be enough room in all of reality for everyone. As far as I know, there's a huge expanse of nothingness all around Earth. It can't be impossible to just…tell the Judges to park a few planets there and leave this world alone!"

"You could always do it yourself," she stepped closer, crouching down to draw his eyes. "With the rest of my family, you will be phenomenally powerful. More than an equal for every other being in all of Creation. Does this world offer so much that you wish to stay here eternally? Will you recharge the nearby star when it runs low on the fuel that drives its engine? A cradle is a wonderful bed…for an infant."

Ducking his head quickly, he pressed his lips to hers, holding the kiss for a fraction of a second before stepping back, "I need to stop distracting myself. I came here for a reason. Do you know how to help Idunn? She's dying, you told me to go to sleep."

Sticking her tongue out in a surprising display of childishness, Ireul pouted, "Maybe." Sobering quickly, she sighed, "It will depend on how…well she regards you, we'll say." Her eye lifted back to his, "We need to visit her dreams, Leliel, myself, and you. If she rejects you, then there is little we could do to help. If she pulls you in, then retrieving you will be something of a challenge."

With everything he'd faced, he didn't fear the impossible when it came to protecting people, "How challenging?"

The regal aspect didn't mince words, "It might kill her."

+++++ 14th Angel + 26: Sunday (115)

"Normal, normal, normal. If I hear that word one more time, I'm going to snap and call Shinji and tell him you're abusing me." Asuka flopped back onto her bed, "I should just call Shinji anyway. I feel better when he's around."

"I wouldn't think you one for sharing," Eve teased smugly. "You have to know that he's not going to abandon everyone already present for any one woman."

"Stop making it seem like he's a pervert," the redhead lifted her head slightly to scowl at the ethereal being. "He's been coerced, cajoled, and cornered into accepting everyone. He's the very definition of a one-woman man, and for whatever absurd reason life seems determined to force him into being something he's not."

"Oh, the reason isn't absurd," willing a brush into existence, she began to slowly work it through her long, vibrant, hair. That the action invoked both jealousy and ire in Asuka simply amused her all the more, "You see, he is likely to be the shepherd of all Creation. Those women he's surrounded by will serve as not only a diversity of opinion, but a diversity of motivation. It is a long journey from one end of the unbounded stars to the other, with many places that haven't seen the touch of the Makers to this very day. With Adam's failure to encourage appropriate growth, and Lilith determined to spend her energies warring with the Judges to see what lies beyond the Boundary, it only makes sense that Creation would try a new path to success. Instead of one Adam, and me, it wishes for one Adam, me, and as many others as it can load onto the cart."

"That's nonsense," Asuka declared with a snort, lying back down. "How would you know what it wants? Did it whisper it into your ear? If it wanted someone willing to accept a hundred wives, why not just make them so that they're that kind of man? And why a man? Why not a woman and a hundred men?"

"Because biological facts are immutable, and a womb and vaginal canal are required to birth life in your species, while their opposite is required to provide its part," Eve answered, in reverse order. "If Shinji believed himself a her, that would not change the physical facts of the matter. All Creation was concerned with was biology. Psychology, sociology, anthropology, those carry no weight in its calculations. She, in this supposed scenario, could use her body to impregnate their eggs. So a single female, with hundreds of males, could still only become pregnant once every so often. The other way around," she shrugged, "allows for the necessary diversity. As to why Shinji is who and what he is? That is because Lilith and the Judges were involved. Creation did not act in a vacuum, and Lilith played to win. I would presume she desired a man who would be compliant, but could develop a spine to not be a doormat. As to how I know?" Her lips curled in a secretive grin, "Well…a lady has to have some secrets."

Staring at her ceiling, Asuka frowned with concern. If there was such a thing as destiny…did that mean her mother was destined to hang herself? That she was destined to meet Klaus? That her father was destined to not be able to keep it in his pants? How much of what happened was predestined, and how much was the chaos of random chance? "He loves me." The statement was made to test the sound of it. To tease it, feel its borders. She knew he fought for her right to be free. He'd come back through time, having dealt with a version of her that was a complete idiot for treating a good man like common trash, and instead of returning the favor had treated her like…like a woman. He'd killed to avenge her. He'd fought to protect her. He'd baked her a cake. He'd argued with others to give her a chance. He'd listened to her. He'd fought alongside her, trusting that she'd protect him. He'd…trusted her. "He trusts me."

Pulling her legs up alongside her body, she curled into the fetal position. Nearby, struggling with a burden that no human should ever have to shoulder, was a man that was everything she'd ever wanted. As a fellow pilot, as a partner, as a friend, and as a husband. Brilliant, but not so much so that he looked down on her. Attractive, but not so much that it was all he cared for. Emotionally available, but not so much that he was moody without reason. Several times now he'd held her as if she was the only woman in the world who mattered. Never once had he touched her inappropriately. She wanted…something. Was it to know his touch? That could be dismissed as hormones, and ignored forevermore. Several times he'd mentioned how he felt, how he loved her, but never with specificity.

He could love her as a sister. As a wingman. As a friend. He could love her as a teacher. A peer. A mentor. There were millions of shades his love could take, and all be equally valid. To a man with a heart such as his, it could be chaste, gentle, and deep seated. But he might, instead, love her as a woman. He might look upon her and think to himself that she existed as someone that he wanted… _needed_. He could, in amongst all of the random chaos of his life, be thinking on her and wishing she was willing to step up and offer herself as a…as a wife.

Her eyes drifted to her phone, and she scowled, "I should call him."

+++++ 14th Angel + 26: Sunday (115)

"She can't risk it," Shinji shook his head, having explained to Ritsuko, Suzuka, Jorth, and Vidar what he'd learned. "She's feeding power to the others, and the others are helping maintain the shield. None of them trust Lilith either, and lowering the shield even for a moment before the next Angel is killed risks Lilith drawing more women into my soul without my or their consent." Sitting, once more, on the low stool where he could look amongst his family, his scowl could have set fire to stone, "If I do this, I risk killing her. I can't decide that on my own."

"Her vitals are strong," Ritsuko mused. "In that I mean her body isn't giving up. The 'why' of her coma is certainly a mystery, but they often are. She's not responding to stimuli, and attempting the same treatment on her that we use on you, and you used on Rei-chan to a lesser degree, would invariably be fatal." The former blonde wasn't unsympathetic, despite the previous antagonism between her and the agent, "You burn through medication we give you at a rate that makes it challenging to properly treat you, but possible to provoke the responses we have. She wouldn't burn through them fast enough, and we would end up fighting the chemicals with other chemicals that would destroy her internal organs."

"Rose has already said there's nothing she can do, as the coma doesn't seem to be medically necessary," he grimaced.

Jorth's frown was thoughtful, "If we approve of this treatment, of you going into her mind, what are the risks to you?"

Vidar held his gaze, "We do not wish to sacrifice you to gain her return. I love my sister, but she would never forgive me for that."

"Iri said she'd be able to extract me, and I would be fine." He hated burdening his allies with more secrets they had to keep, just as much as he hated having to have kept them in the past. It was a no win situation, "Ireul and I have some experience in hunting through dreams, and Leliel is stronger now than she was the last time I had to go through them. She's confident she'd be able to drop me wherever she is, so long as she _is_ dreaming."

"When does this need to occur?" Jorth had the appearance of someone with a terrible taste in their mouth, "Do we have time to discuss it, my husband and I?"

He shrugged, "As long as she's not dead, any time you want. I'm sorry for not coming up with this sooner, my nonsense has increased the amount of recovery she'll undergo…if this works."

"Suzuka, dear," the matronly woman looked to the willowy warrior, "have you considered slapping him along the back of the head when he blames himself for things that he has no control over? I've found that it works on my husband, and would use it on my brother here, but it's always better to defer to the mother of his children in such things."

"I have agreed to not engage in non-consensual violence with the man I love," Suzuka gripped his shoulder tightly. "Though I may find it necessary to outsource the occupation, and will consider your credentials should you wish to submit an application for the position."

+++++ 14th Angel + 26: Sunday (115)

"If you're asking me what it sounds like you're asking me, Asuka, I can't tell you one way or the other," Maya was leaned against the desk in the young redhead's room. "This sounds like something you should be asking him. If I were to guess, I'd say that he views you as a complex bundle of titles that are all focused around the woman you were, from the world he came from, the women you were in the realities he remembers, and the woman he's fought beside on this planet. He's seen all of us in ways that we can't imagine, and when he looks at you and says he loves you, it could be as anything from a sister to a wife."

"…Damn it." With her elbows braced on her knees as she sat on the edge of her bed, Asuka scowled at a point on the floor between them, "Are we close enough friends that I can admit something to you, without having you cause a scene? I haven't thought this all the way through, and I'm fighting against my natural instincts to even discuss this with anyone but the…I can't even say voices in my head anymore because they're attached to a fetid cunt who insists she's going to be the best wife my best friend has ever known, despite there being much better competition for that title, which should only have _one_ person on that list and just…." Screaming inarticulately in three different languages, she stomped on the ground and stood up to face Maya, "You should have been it, Maya. You. No one else. You treat him the way he's supposed to be treated, and I was wrong to view it any other way."

Not reacting outwardly to the display of anger she knew was aimed at the world and not her, the gentle officer clasped her hands before her hips lightly, "Life is what we make of it. I can no more change the past than you can, and what I may or may not have wanted from the start is immaterial to what I am faced with currently. Please," bridging her fingers, she showed her palms to the pilot to encourage her towards her point, "good friends or no, I am concerned with your mindset. If talking about your problem will help, then allow me to help. If not for you, or for me, then because I'm going to be sending you out to fight with my husband."

"It's not a problem, it's…a hunch." Pacing back and forth, she laid out her thoughts, "We have some confirmation that the world is predestined, right? But only to a point, according to Eve. There's this asshole going around causing problems. If Shinji kills him, Shinji gains the ability to share free will with everyone. What happens when he's radiating free will like he radiates that golden glow that calms everyone down, and everyone in this relationship wants out?" Pausing, she pointed to Maya, "Everyone."

"I don't believe that would be probable," Maya shrugged slightly. "To start, I am with Shinji because of who he is. Was I drawn to him despite knowing he was already in a committed relationship? Yes. He fought against allowing me to join, as he fought against allowing Kodama to join, as he has fought against allowing _anyone_ to join. To be honest, I believe _he_ has less free will than _we_ do, and the bigger concern after the situation has been resolved might be that he tells us all to go away." She tapped herself in the chest, "Everyone."

"He's a self-sacrificing idiot sometimes," Asuka admitted. "But would he honestly send _you_ away?"

"If he believes that I was forced into this, yes. He is committed to the concept of choice, especially for those he loves. I am positive that once the situation is resolved, we'll all end up having to convince him that we're with him because we want to be. However many remain, and to be honest I doubt anyone would leave, will need to spend some time answering the same questions over and over as he reassures himself," the woman seemed to already be tired of that question, but accepted it as part of the man she'd chosen.

The fiery pilot tapped her foot in irritation, "I'm…becoming pissed. He was finally taking control over his life, only to be told he has no control over his life. The only reliable sources of information we have on this are both prone to making truth-apt statements. Supposedly he can detect lies, but this is the same man who is reluctant to believe the worst in anyone. I swore I would protect him, that I'd make sure his life wasn't bad anymore. I can't do that without accurate intel, and I can't exactly interview the cosmos itself to ask it why it's making his life hard."

As Maya went to answer, her phone rang, indicating an incoming call from Akane. Pulling it from her small purse, she tapped the answer icon, "This is Maya." Listening to the agent for a few seconds, she rolled her eyes to the ceiling, though her voice never betrayed her feelings, "Yeah, sounds good. Any reason you didn't just tell him yourself? You could just send the thought to him." After whatever was said next, she closed her eyes tight, "No, no. It takes a while to remember you can do it. I'd recommend you practice, though. It's probably going to be useful at some point." Another short statement, and she nodded, "I'll see you back at the house, then." Hanging up, she opened her eyes and placed her phone back, "That, of course, is another reason we'll all stay. We're in his soul, Asuka. The sensation of being loved by him, even from the distance we sometimes are physically? There's a reason we were all so low when he had shut everyone out. It's like nothing you've ever felt, and when it's gone…he loves us. You doubt it, until you're in his soul, and then you couldn't possibly doubt it at all."

"You never mentioned that," Asuka tilted her head. "Why?"

"Because we don't want him to know. He'd feel even worse than he already does." Smiling sadly, she shrugged and turned to leave, "I told you, Asuka…because I want you to know going in what we all know. If you want to love him as a woman, if you want to be a part of the seventeen of us that will be with him at the least, I want you to know that once you join you'll never want to leave. Just sitting in the same room with him is joy. When he touches me…." Pausing with her hand on the door, she looked down, "You'll have to ask him if he loves you like that. And you'll have to ask yourself if it's worth it."

+++++ 14th Angel + 26: Sunday (115)

Sitting in the center of the long arc of his sofa, Shinji was faced with the sheer enormity of his 'family'. To his immediate left, Hikari was chatting happily with Tsuru, Yang, Nozomi, and Sakura, the latter two on the floor before the former trio. The three young women were helping the two little ladies in duplicating the nail pattern they had, perfectly content to spend the evening embracing 'the girly'. Beyond them, engrossed in their own conversations, were Suzuka, Ritsuko, and Rose. He couldn't quite make out the specifics, covered over as they were by the overwhelming amount of talking happening, but it involved a lot of 'rounded' motions along their torsos, and thereby clearly regarding the pregnancy. To his far right, quietly conferring, was Maya, Kodama, and Kelly. He stood no chance at hearing them, but whatever it was that was being discussed meant Maya smiling and shaking her head as if everything would be all right. Sitting on his immediate right was Nicki, cheering or booing the fortunes of an American football team represented by an angry appearing bird's head attached to two long stripes. The blonde was animatedly debating the merits of the referee's decisions, genealogy, and the current whereabouts of his skull with both Mikoto and Akane, who had far greater familiarity than he did with the sport.

His presence was at once both unnecessary to any of the women present, and seemingly vital to all of them. Each group, from time to time, would take note of him observing them and wave, wink, or blow a kiss to him. He didn't need to say a thing, and in fact was almost urged to remain apart from everyone so that he wasn't pulled away from anyone in particular. With all of the monumental events, the stresses, the chaos that had arisen in just the past two days, if not the previous month, it seemed bizarre to him that everyone was so…calm.

The agents to his right had come into the house angry, not at him, not at anyone in the house by the way they all greeted the women, just simply angry according to their songs. After having set down the evening's meal, a selection of distinctly unhealthy pizzas that Shinji only tolerated because he couldn't demand that the women in the house eat nothing but healthy foods for the rest of time, that anger seemed to be stuffed into a sack and tied off. Following the successful completion of what he learned to be a 'forward pass', ending in the brightly colored section of the field deemed an 'end zone', Nicki hugged him tight and cheered happily. Returning the embrace, pleased that she was pleased, if for no other reason, he received an enthusiastic kiss before she went back to debating 'going for two', and similar discussions for the coach of the team she favored as she had for the referee began.

Kelly had, when he arrived home, been conversing on something quietly with Hikari. His youngest wife, herself at the time wearing a smile similar to Maya's current one, had instead of shaking her head been nodding enthusiastically. His keeper of secrets, her bright hair standing in stark contrast to most of the women in the room, had been as conciliatory then as she was now. Kodama, one of the fiercest guardians he had, was actively comforting her with gentle touches and low murmurs. Maya, one of three women he trusted far more than any of the others, looked back to him as she made a point and caught him considering her. _I love you_. Three simple words sent in a tight thought to him, and a shift in her smile from understanding to smitten, were all he needed from her. She wasn't deciding anything for him, he knew that, but she was making sure that his decision would be made easier by pre-loading whatever discussion he was to have eventually with Kelly.

Ritsuko was engrossed in whatever it was the trio were discussing, the absorption of new information obvious as she listened to Rose speak. It was cute, the way she was excited. Rose, for her part, seemed perfectly content to speak to both women. The ship's captain was approaching their topic from a position of authority on the matter, but in a way that didn't scream 'condescending' but rather 'uplifting'. The pink-skinned warrior wanted them to join her on her roost, to see the stars beyond as she saw them, not to hide them away and keep the wondrous sights to herself. Suzuka, as she always managed to, snuck him a small sign that she knew he was watching her. Smoothing one hand along her hip, she wiggled her fingers the way she tended to when making him an offer. The gesture reminded him at once that she was carrying his children, and that she wasn't interested in abstaining for another several months.

Glancing down to the floor, where Sakura had her tiny hand in Hikari's, he felt his own smile grow. The little lady's ability to sit calmly was very impressive, especially for only being nine years old. As still as she sat, however, she couldn't hide the glow on her face at being included in the 'big girl' things. Nozomi, having been raised in a house with two elder siblings who weren't abusively distant, demonstrated her leadership by allowing her best friend to soak up attention. All three teens showed that they were 'older siblings' in the way they curated their conversation to allow the two younger family members to participate, Yang eagerly leading on 'fashion' discussions, Tsuru showing her familiarity with working with her hands by discussing how to do things without chipping or marring the paint, and Hikari supporting everyone's right to their own thoughts and opinions.

Setting his hand to her back, he leaned over and whispered, "Full of life, and love. I guess it can work…with the right people."

Moving her own face so that her lips couldn't be read, she whispered into his ear, "I can never express how sorry I am that I tried to force this on you, Shinji. Or how grateful I am that you haven't asked for my ring back. If you wake up tomorrow and demand I empty the house, I swear to you, none will remain."

The thought stung him. Of never seeing her again, of her finding someone else, of losing the Light that guided him through the darkness to a future that, while imperfect, still had the potential to be far better than any of the countless others he'd been shown. Thinking on the matter for a moment, he reached up and stroked her cheek, "I never want to lose you, Hikari. You frustrate me. You confound me. But you, just like me, have been through four months of pain. If I have the right to make bad decisions, while retaining your love…I can't offer you anything less. You're not perfect. You never were. I'll still tear reality apart if it takes you from me."

"…Can we try something tonight?" Settling back, she looked him in the eyes with a mischievous grin, "It might be a little awkward, but…it could also be kind of fun."

Awkward was flirting with his wife in front of his wives and girlfriends and friends and sisters. Awkward was having to contend with the fact that these women all knew that reality itself had crafted the world in a way that drew them together as a family, and none of them were rallying against it. Awkward was hearing the argument, repeated in varying ways, that their 'arranged relationship' still beat the previous failed relationships they had experienced hands down. Somehow, Shinji began to fear 'awkward' less and less, "Define fun."

+++++ 14th Angel + 27: Monday (116)

"It was…awkward. At least at first," Shinji worked through his forms with methodical purpose. Having begged off of fighting, for the morning, he focused his efforts on unburdening his mind. "Not doing anything. Having everything done for and to me? I kept catching myself about to break my word, letting my hands unclench from behind my head. It's not that it felt bad, just…."

"You would have preferred we allow you to act," Suzuka shifted so that she stood before him, smiling gently. "I do wonder what that must feel like."

"It's one day," he let his face go flat. "I'm not asking you to stop training, I'm not asking you to stop training with me. I'm asking you, for my sake, to take one day a week and do something lower impact. I'm nearly _positive_ that I made up for it last night."

"Last night is the only reason I'm considering it, Little Bear." Asking him without words for a kiss, she was content when he wasted no time in providing for her desires. Sated, for the moment, she moved back out of his path, "So what bothers you this morning?"

"Remembering the past," he started moving again. "There was a morning, just after Toshiro-san was killed, that Hikari said she'd never push me to accept anyone else. I was trying to trace through the steps that led from her stating that with absolute confidence, to me sitting in my house with twelve women who are in love with me, one of whom is pregnant, and the pregnant woman is not Hikari."

She watched him flow through several stances before repeating them at full speed. The way his face held his ire, she knew he hadn't shared the entirety of his concerns, "It has certainly been a journey."

"The thing is, that thought led me to something else." Jumping backwards, he torqued his body in a tight circle before launching the training spear into the air, "Wasn't it awfully convenient how Toshiro-san left right when everyone started remembering pasts and futures in earnest?" Glaring past Suzuka, for he would never glare _at_ her, he growled, "How many of my friends has Lilith killed, Suzi? How many have the Judges? Asuka nearly died because of Klaus. Who knows what Gentle did when she healed me? How many people has this 'Creation' decreed must die so that I would stand here. In this spot." The wooden polearm slammed point first into the ground before him as it returned at terminal velocity, "Where the people around me die."

"It is not easy to wait for the next battle, which you know is one day to arrive at your door," Suzuka admitted.

"Funny, Gen said the same thing to me, long ago," Shinji ripped the spear from the ground. "The thing that bugs me the most, Suzi, is I _want_ to love them. If everyone's fine with what they're doing, and doing anything else will inevitably lead to people being replaced, perhaps violently, why _shouldn't_ I love them? I don't want to be contrarian. I don't want to just stomp my feet and act more childish than I've ever seen Nozomi pretend to be, all because someone, somewhere, is telling me to love them. It's easy to." He gestured towards her with an open hand, "You are, without question, brilliant. Your mind is filled with history, and culture, and everything that I'm fascinated by. Are you drop-dead gorgeous? Yes. But it's your _mind_ that truly draws me in. Hikari, Kodama, Rose? They're leaders. Maya, Ritsuko, Kelly? Facilitators. Akane, Mikoto, and Nicki? They're protectors. I'm drawing together a Company, I'm stocking it with talent, and I am terrified that the entire point is readying myself for a war."

Spying motion behind him, she poked him towards honesty, "And, to continue your analogy, Yang-chan?"

"Yang is a great deal like you," he shrugged, too involved in his own thoughts to hear or feel the leggy waitress' approach. "I get the feeling that I can talk to her without judgement. But it's not just that, with her. I feel I can trust Hikari with her. The way that she held everyone together, didn't let Hikari self-destruct when I was stuck in Unit-01? She could easily be to Hikari what you are to me. With the added benefit that…." Sighing, he looked at his wife, "It is going to be difficult for the rest of my life to admit to any of you that I find the others attractive. Yang…the frame is beautiful. I'll never say otherwise. But ultimately it is her _heart_ that makes me want to just take her in my arms and…." Digging the butt of his spear into the ground he shook his head, "That and her legs. You've never asked me a question you didn't want the answer to, and I won't lie to you. She's got some _nice_ legs. Always has. Every reality that I've known her in, she's always had nice legs."

"Thank you," his classmate introduced herself to the conversation by bouncing up and latching onto him from behind. Wrapping the twin stems he found compelling around his waist, she held onto his shoulders easily so that her chin rested on his shoulder, "I work out a lot, trying to make up for my complete lack of breasts."

Closing his eyes for a brief moment, he opened them to consider Suzuka, "Little warning?"

"Your awareness of your surroundings is part of your training, dear heart." Patting his cheek, she moved to walk around him, "I will return to the manor. I believe I will find something 'lower impact' to do there."

Reaching around behind himself, Shinji plucked Yang from his back and moved her around to hold her on his hip, "I like your breasts." If he was going to be teased, he was going to make them hear the truth, "Yes, they are small. No, they are not nonexistent. The shirts you wear flatter them, and more than once they've filled out after a child or two."

"Oh. Well then." Plucking at the nightshirt she wore, intending to shower before going to class, she blushed slightly, "That's…nice of you to say."

"I'm not just saying it," he countered. "I'm _very_ attracted to you. I always have been. But until recently, I wouldn't have dreamed of doing anything about it. Even now, I'm not confident in doing anything about it. If I bond you, you'll be like you are now. Forever. You may think that's fine for a decade, or five decades, but what about a thousand? A million? Forever looking like you do now, never changing, all because _I_ took maturation away."

"Uh, uh, uh," she tapped his lips. "I _gave_ maturation away. I choose too, Shinji. Unless she comes back and shoves me in your soul, what you and I choose is up to us." Shifting around so that he had to put her down, she stood before him and considered him for a moment, "Logically, I can't deny that things exist beyond my experience. Especially when you consider the fact that I have been physically in contact with things that aren't of this world. It's proof, through reasoning, that there is _more_ out there than I have seen. It's a validation of my philosophy, as much as it is proof that rigid skeptics are just as bad as unthinking believers. So if I have changed my mind, if I want to be a part of your family for the rest of eternity, why do _you_ take the blame? Hmm?"

Continuing his recent trend of being truthful to the women who'd never failed him, he shrugged, "Because it's easier to face eternity that way, than to think that the women I love are flawed?"

Her quiet laughter was backed by a fond grin, "When have you _ever_ taken the easy path, you loveable goof?" Smoothing her hands across his abs, she shrugged, "I asked Hikari this question, and I'll ask you the same thing: what if there's a clock that we can't see? What if, and I know this is painful so I'll apologize in advance, what if Noelle-san was killed because the two of you danced around things, instead of embracing it?"

The cold, dispassionate, way he spoke next chilled her to her core. It was not the voice she associated with him, the warm, kindly, _gentle_ man that she'd first fallen for. "Then I'm going to find it, smash it, and then find who made it, and smash them too. Nothing, and I can _not_ stress this enough, _nothing_ threatens my family." The certitude he layered that one word with meant everything to her.

"I am going to ask your wives to let you bond me," Yang declared after a second's thought. "Once I have their permission, I will come and ask you again. I want you to spend this time thinking about it, Shinji. Because even though I will be gifting myself to you, I will not _force_ myself upon you. I am not afraid of fate." Pulling him down into a less-than-chaste kiss, she smiled with genuine affection and patted his cheek, before departing the way she'd come. Leaving him behind to consider the stars above.

 _Lilith, I don't know if you can hear me…. If I discover that you've been responsible for the deaths of my family, my friends…don't come back. I will not hunt you down, as payment for what you have done to help. But if I see you again, all bets are off._ His eyes hardened, _As for the rest of you out there, consider this: if I'm willing to tear her head from her body, what will I do to you for threatening those I love?_

+++++ Author's Notes:

CARL1992: RE: Final sentence.

It was a riff on a comment I read once about OCs in stories with plenty of established characters. Specifically about OCs falling in love with the main protagonist to the detriment of the prior existing love interest. As we've reached the part of the story where Shinji has to learn to love not only himself, but allow others to love him as they will, I had to accept what has been done and take my lumps. To tell the story I'm telling, and set up the ending I'm moving towards, there just weren't enough canon characters. Which meant OCs, which meant potentially having people look at them and go, "Ugh. Really?"


	117. Chapter 117

+++++ 14th Angel + 27: Monday (116)

"Seismic reinforcements, structural expansion, adding a pool, repainting the exterior, amending the roof to allow for defensive emplacements and stargazing, additional laundry resources, expanding the kitchen, adding a nursery-slash-playroom, education room, landing pad, garage, expanding the exercise area in the basement," Kozo's voice came through the phoneline as he read off the report of what was anticipated to be an extremely busy day for his engineers. "And you're saying that this isn't their fault, correct?"

Maya shook her head, though he couldn't see her do so, "No. None of them had a choice, sir. They were drawn in during the time where Shinji was lying unconscious. It's why everyone was so adamant that people stay out. Mistakes happened," she and Misato agreed that with the up and down nature of Lilith's possible betrayal, that nothing would be done beyond observation until they knew for certain, "and now our family is much larger."

"How is your husband taking this?" The question was asked by a friend of the family, and not by the Commander of NERV's Tokyo-3 branch. "I've never judged him poorly for the unusual circumstances that seem to plague him, so please don't take that the wrong way, Ikari-chan."

"He was upset, which is understandable, but it came from the ladies in question losing their freedom to choose their own paths. That all four women are undaunted is a thin balm, to him. He still has troubles accepting his own natural magnetism, and views the situation as an albatross around their necks instead of a meeting of equals." Signing a few more forms on her tablet, she noticed Shinji entering the home, "I will have more details later, sir. I need to help him get everyone moving for the day." Hanging up the phone after a polite farewell, she stood and approached him as he walked past, "Need a moment, Pup."

The way he paused everything, redirecting his momentum with ease, demonstrated to her without words that he would do anything she asked. There was no 'eagerness', instead there was simply inevitability. What she wanted would happen, that was just how it was. The most surprising portion, though, was that he bent and kissed her gently before speaking, "Of course, Kitten. What can I do for you?"

The thrill his lips sent up her spine would last her all day, "That. Every morning. Forever." Giggling, she repeated a phrase she hadn't used in some time, "I'm married." Toying with his shirt, she forced herself to focus enough to do what needed doing, "I wanted to ask you to step into Kelly's room for a moment after you've cleaned."

"Okay," he shrugged. "Does she need something, or is this a favor for you?" Tilting his head slightly, he considered her, "You want something too. Your song is…kind of screaming it." Leaning down, he looked around and verified they were alone, "Need an itch scratched? I have a little time, we can try and fit it in?" His wince preceded his apology, "I _really_ didn't mean it that way."

"What I want, I shouldn't have," Maya declared firmly. "I can wait for me. But Kelly has asked to speak with you, and I wanted to send you her way." Her shoulders shifted a little, "Though…maybe a bit of a scratching wouldn't hurt. Just…not the way you're thinking. I need to sit a lot today, and that leaves me a little sore for a while."

Sighing dramatically, Shinji forced himself to continue his assault on his indecisiveness, "It's such a trial," scooping a squawking Maya off the ground, he carried her towards the baths, "making love to a beautiful, generous, kind-hearted woman first thing in the morning. I'm not sure I can survive the unfairness of it all, Maya. I may just perish."

"You do," she blushed prettily, "and I'm coming after you. You promised me old and grey, Shinji. I intend to collect."

+++++ 14th Angel + 27: Monday (116)

"A few months ago, I'd shoot you for saying what you just did," Misato, unconsciously, had positioned herself behind her desk in the manner Gendo Ikari would any time he was displeased. "However…considering everything that's happened, and the fact that I know for certain that wasn't fully you, I'll warn you to keep that other woman locked away."

"Says the woman who will likely be sharing another man with me here in not too long," Ritsuko was unfazed by said woman's anger. Aside from the fact that she knew Misato better than almost anyone, there was the simple truth that attachment to Shinji provided a not-inconsiderable amount of safety. "This one will at his worst be much better than Kaji ever was at his best. Shinji's at least willing to tell us he loves us, and when he goes to do stupid things they're for the benefit of all mankind and not his own ego or curiosity."

The violet-haired bombshell sat back, looking off towards the house she knew he was still at this early in the morning, "Would that be wise?" Rubbing her thumb along the cross that she'd worn since the day her father finally decided to live up to that title, she frowned, "Am I…could I be capable of sharing him to that extent?"

"No, and yes. In that order." The former blonde plucked a few strands of her hair and showed them, "Do you know why I was bleaching this?"

Misato couldn't recall ever having spoken to her off-and-on friend regarding the subject, "You wanted to be distinct?"

"To get Gendo to notice me." Accepting the look of disgust as earned, she pressed on, "I have always had a fascination with powerful men. I am, at heart, weak. Pathetic. Ultimately, spineless. I posture, I pose, I pretend I'm powerful. I'm not, not in here," she tapped between her breasts, "not where it counts. I want to be degraded, to be treated like I'm worthless, to be used like a cheap tissue. I have a massive inferiority complex, despite my accomplishments, and every time Shinji smiles that damn smile of his at me, I feel that complex shudder and begin to splinter. Every time he looks at me and tells me how hard I work, I realize that I've been setting myself up for failure. And each time I looked in the mirror, after not being allowed to touch up my dye-job, I had to see the woman I had thought to become before a young man with blue eyes and a gentle touch showed me that I'm better than that. Is it 'wise' that I'm eager to join with a man half my age? No. It wasn't 'wise' to work with radioactive materials either, but those scientists have given the world the power we needed to save ourselves from the same destruction their science provided us the capacity to unleash. How I use my life with him will be what matters, not the wisdom of its course."

"What about when he's with someone else?" Chocolate portals of pain remembered several times she'd found Kaji had been with another woman, "What then?"

"Like he's with Maya, right now?" Ritsuko shrugged, "It's background noise. He won't be going to school and working his way through the host of eager young women there. I know every woman he'll consider. I also know that I'll have my chance. It's just sex, Misato. He _loves_ me. At some point, I'll probably join him and Maya in his shower. Honestly, at some point, I'll probably join most of our odd little troupe in there. He's gathered some phenomenally attractive women, after all." Bouncing her foot idly, she smiled in understanding, "I trust that he'll never stray from the household. The reason I trust that, is I feel it in his soul. He sees the women looking at him like that, and he feels _disgust._ It will be a good radar for us, those times he doesn't, a way to know who might be the final few."

She shifted uncomfortably in her seat, "What if it doesn't work out?"

Leaning forward, displaying painted nails that matched a growing number of the women in the household, her question was presented with the seriousness it deserved, "What if it does work out?"

+++++ 14th Angel + 27: Monday (116)

Carrying a tray of breakfast, Shinji attempted to balance his time wisely. Allowing Hikari and the little ones to make everyone else's meals for the day, he dedicated himself to listening to whatever Kelly needed. Finding the woman alone, he shared a smile with her as he hefted the meal, "Figure you can eat while we talk. Everyone else will be at the table, so you have some privacy. Maya told me you had something serious to discuss."

There was an almost perverse joy in being served by Shinji for her. As he settled her food before her gently, uncovering those things that might have spilled were he any less than meticulously cautious and steady, she caught him smile again at her briefly. It wasn't the typical smile men gave her, with hidden lusts or sycophantic desires. His was a smile that wore his emotions out in the open. He thought she was attractive, full stop. It wasn't attractive _and_ would like to bend her over. It wasn't attractive _and_ would do anything to earn her attention. He felt she was attractive. He loved her. To Shinji, it was just that simple. Everything else that any other human might complicate things with didn't matter to him, because he knew in his soul he'd never have them. He'd face things as they came, and so she had to come to him.

"I'll have to thank Hikari for insisting we purchase a few Western items," she began, setting the stage with her awareness of the owner of his heart. "It's not, of course, that I mind eating a more Japanese-inclined diet. But there's something about rashers and eggs in the morning that fills me up properly."

"Kodama as well, actually," Shinji settled his bulk in the chair nearby. "She's pushing for a protein-heavy diet, after consulting with Rits and Maya, to help you recover properly. Hikari looked through the MAGI-net, found things that might remind you of home, and ran them back through the others." His smile changed to one of pride, "Even while I was gone, and things were falling apart, they fought to do the right thing for everyone. As terrible as things were, they weren't as bad as they might have become. I believe I have you to thank for that, at least in part."

"No thanks necessary," she blushed lightly, the tone he used when thanking her laden with enough of a question that she realized she was stalling. Cutting off a few sections, she ate eagerly. The man before her didn't need to eat, didn't _want_ to eat, and would be displeased if she let her meal grow cold thinking she was being rude when he would insist that she feed herself. "I've been talking to the others." Her eyes lifted to his, gauging what he knew or presumed.

"I noticed. Hikari seemed enthusiastic. Maya was comforting. My guess would be Kodama's been rather impatient, and Rose doesn't see the reason for you to hesitate." He wasn't the naïve young man he once was, and between the tenor of her song and Maya asking him to speak to her alone, was able to put everything together. "Suzuka's blessing, although it probably shouldn't, counts more than the others do, in your favor. She trusts you, a rare thing from her."

She wasn't upset that he'd known, not in the slightest. It made everything easier, if she didn't have to spell it out as such, "What is your opinion, then? If you have questions, or things you feel I ought to do, it's important to me that we be open and honest with one another."

Leaning to the side, he braced his chin on his fist and considered the woman before him, "My opinion? You could do better. You won't, I know, but you could." His smile had faded to a sad grin, "In those worlds where we met, and didn't end up together, you never ended up with anyone. When I asked, the answer was always some variation on 'Nobody fits'. You had your career, your goals, and your family back home. A man never entered into that, because they'd either stifle their career or yours, or they'd need support for their goals over your own, or they'd want to start a family elsewhere…never in Ireland near yours."

Chewing slowly on her eggs, she nodded in agreement, "It's unfair, after a fashion, that you know me that well."

He couldn't disagree, "You realize we can't live in Ireland?"

"I don't want to," she wrinkled her nose slightly, pushing some more bacon into her mouth.

"Care to expound?" His interest was piqued, as this was a deviation from the women he'd known, and she hadn't lied.

Ordering her thoughts, she took a few more bites, "I want to see the stars. I want to watch you fix the world. I want to address the whole planet as your voice in politics, and tell them that you are tired of their petty bickering." Flicking her eyes towards him, then back to her plate, she grinned, "I want to serve the Servant, and I want to be served. I can't do any of that from an island nation that stubbornly clings to a past it ignores the lessons of."

"It will be dangerous." He wouldn't sugarcoat things, the woman he knew wouldn't want him to, "You'll need to accept that I'm not interested in your Catholicism."

"The Holy Ghost moves in mysterious ways," her shoulder hitched slightly. "I'm…positive I'll find ways to balance my own religious struggles with yours. So long as you're willing to let me teach whoever asks me why I do some things, we shouldn't fight over it. I'm not interested in conversion, nor will I be taking communion as an adulterer. I think, perhaps, I'll instead seek guidance from afar instead of in the pews." Toying with the last scrap of meat, her face assumed a thoughtful cast, "Would you be willing to try some of the things from my culture, as a goodwill gesture? Nothing devout, and not forcing anyone else in the house, just…something for me and you."

He couldn't deny that having 'something special' with another person he loved had led to the best parts of his life to date, "Such as?"

"Speaking the old tongue, teaching the little ones traditional dances, things of that sort," she rolled her hand. "Not that we'd not teach them your traditions as well…just, you know."

"I have no problem with that," he frowned, thinking she'd meant something different.

She froze, concerned that she'd stepped in it, "What's wrong?"

"Why wouldn't I take those things from your past?" Shifting his posture, he leaned forward, bracing his elbows on his knees, "I loved going to the pubs. Watching rugby matches. Things like that were always…warm, full of life. Your people weren't the source of contention between us, Kelly. Aside from those few who realized I was Japanese and not an albino, I never even experienced mild racism. I had expected that you'd want something…more personal? A sign of greater commitment, I guess." He wasn't unsympathetic, "Your religion was either the greatest thing in your life, or the largest source of shame for you. I only mentioned that I wouldn't involve myself to be clear, not demeaning."

Tapping her fork a few times, she lifted it up and pointed the last bit of meat to him, "Take it." When he hesitated, she smiled with a wink, "I have a reason." As he carefully retrieved the segment between his teeth, she slowly removed the tines from his lips, "We have now shared of the same flesh. You have taken a little of me into you, willingly. _That_ is what I would ask of you. Take the little good we both see in the Church into yourself. Be generous with what you have. Shelter the weak. Speak only the truth. I'm…far closer to being ashamed than proud, but I have seen so much since coming here that reminds me of why my father went every Sunday."

"A good man, with a good heart," Shinji agreed easily.

A slow smile crossed her face, "I doubt you'll think that after we get off the phone with him later tonight." Recognizing the hint of concern in his eyes, she nodded, "A good Irish lass would never accept a man's offer before he met her Daddy, Shinji. Some things simply must be done, after all."

+++++ 14th Angel + 27: Monday (116)

"There yet remains a presence in China, it appears," Gendo frowned as he considered the latest reports from the field. "When four intelligence sources as diverse as these all agree on something, it does not serve us well to turn a blind eye. Is it possible to ask the UN to lean harder, old friend?"

Kozo shook his head, "They are 'leaning' enough that there has already been blowback. Their government has banished several foreign diplomats from Liaoning, Tianjin, and Ürümqi. Despite the economic losses that may incur, it appears they are unwilling to be squeezed any further on this issue. The European Union and North African Confederation aren't eager to start a trade war currently, and both need the minerals from our 'dear friends' to the West."

"Unfortunate." The former commander looked over to the current, disquiet on his sleep-deprived face, "How was his test?"

"Your son, it seems, has become one with Unit-01," the old professor gracefully accepted the change in conversational topic. "By synchronizing with it, he surpassed the ratio at which she bonded with the beast. The MAGI read out, 'zero zero'."

Settling back in his seat, Gendo folded one hand over the other and braced both against his lips, "That…is not a good sign."

+++++ 14th Angel + 27: Monday (116)

He had the entire class in his hand. Each set of eyes locked onto what he did, as he did it. Thinking back nearly four months on Earth prior, to who he used to be, Shinji had to stifle the urge to grin with excessive self-deprecation. Here he stood, continuing his lessons on the math unit they had begun, at the behest of his teacher. The man himself was taking notes, not on the subject matter but on how Shinji presented it. He had pulled him aside, as well as Hikari, and asked for the chance to improve his own skills as a teacher by witnessing what his student had done that had boosted the class' knowledge so dramatically. With the principal's blessing, that meant that the student was now acting as the master.

It was simple, to him. The manner in which the former blonde instructed was based entirely on the basic principle of three repetitions. He told the class what he was about to explain, he explained to the class what he said he would, and then he told the class what he'd just explained. The variation in phrasing, maintaining consistency in content, and subtle changes in presentation all meant that he could reach three different 'learning styles' with one stroke, and that students who simply needed repetition to remember things would have it.

The subject matter itself was a breeze. It was, after all, a high school level mathematics course being performed by someone who'd received Doctorates in the material. The greatest potential pitfall for him was that he'd go 'too far' and introduce subjects that wouldn't be covered for those few students who pursued their degrees in the field for at least another few years.

Hikari's attentive poise, her smile when she understood something before he finished speaking, the way that her body positioned itself to encourage him to continue, those were distractions of a sort. Not helping him was the way that Tsuru was, without looking at the woman, emulating his wife's actions. The farmgirl was brilliant and beautiful, there was no doubt in his mind, but it was her eyes that truly distracted him. She'd celebrate, in those sea-foam portals, the same way Hikari did with her mouth. It reminded him, each time, that the third woman in the room he lived with could very well be correct. Yang Xu, keeping pace with his instruction despite needing all three repetitions to understand it, resembled nothing more than a ticking clock each time his eyes stopped on her.

Five years wasn't so long. But to Creation, was it too long?

+++++ 14th Angel + 27: Monday (116)

"Nope," Akane's hands rapidly unwound the loop of string she'd been playing with. "By far, without question, and undoubtedly, plums. Vile, disgusting, fruit that serve no purpose but to ruin otherwise perfectly good sake."

"But that's just not that good a 'curse'," Kelly disagreed. "When she says 'crabapples', it's perfectly clear that she's speaking not only of a sour, foul-tasting fruit, but also of a pointless fruit. The object she's naming serves two ends. You may dislike plums, but others like them. Nobody likes crabapples, not even people who say they do."

Mikoto kept her eyes in motion, watching all of the varying engineers that were, once more, modifying Ikari Manor, "She's got you there, Aka-chan. Other than making other things sour, it's worthless. Five."

The redhead marked down another tick on the notepad resting beside her on the blanket she reclined upon, "Besides, I think we all agree that it's adorable. Asking her to change the fruit would be like asking Da Vinci to change the hair color on the Mona Lisa, it's beautiful as it is and should be appreciated, despite whatever personal tastes you may or may not have."

"But _I_ like the sour stuff they make out of crabapples," Akane harrumphed. "I think you two just haven't had it prepared properly. Six?"

"Six," Mikoto agreed, prompting another mark on the page. "So ask for it to be prepared the way you think it should be, and we'll try it. We live in a house with at least four very solid chefs, with professional-grade equipment, and access to resources that should be more than sufficient. When I try it, and I think it's gross, you'll be stuck eating it all."

Kelly shifted her hips to alleviate pressure on her thighs from the casts, "Do you think we're being a little blasé about this?"

"Kodama was the one who decided to fuss about the color, not us. We're just keeping a detailed record for the inevitable complaint." Akane tapped the umbrella so that it once more covered the fair-skinned Lieutenant Commander's body fully. They had agreed to spend the day away from the investigation, waiting to see how many people noticed what they had done so that they knew how many eyes were upon them. This, as a result, meant that they could spend some time getting to know another of the women that would be sharing eternity with them, "To be fair, I've never heard 'unacceptable' used in the same tone of voice as 'fucking stupid' before. Seven."

+++++ 14th Angel + 27: Monday (116)

"I think it's your life, Nicki," Jake sat on the hood of their vehicle, watching the perimeter while the children were safely ensconced in the building learning. "I'm not going to judge you poorly for having your freedom of choice taken away, and I'm sure not going to judge you poorly for falling for a dude I would happily marry my sister off to. Shinji's good people. We've known he was good people for months."

"Yes, and you're good people too, Jake," the shorter agent punched him in the knee. "What I want is to hear whether or not my partner thinks I'm insane for going along with this without fighting. He's offered, three times, to find a way to reverse everything. Each time, I couldn't volunteer for it."

"Then that's your answer," the big Texan laughed. "You want to be there, he's offered to help you not be there, problem solved. He's not taking advantage of it, you're not unwanted, go forth and be merry. If life has conspired to give you a good man, and you don't mind sharing that good man with some great, some good, and some okay women, stop acting like something you're not and just be decisive."

The blond agent frowned at her much larger compatriot, "Who's just 'okay'?"

His eyes shifted to hers, "We being frank?" The way his emotions switched from jocular to serious told her he wasn't about to spare feelings. When she nodded, he looked back off to the horizon, "Doctor Akagi, both former Section Two…and Hikari. Can't say as I respect the young lady as much as I did before. She had something special, kind of smooshed it real thin to share it around. Akane and Mikoto are good to have at my back in a brawl, but what are they adding to his marriage? You…weren't in the room when we yanked Akagi off him. Not the kind of thing one forgives quickly, or forgets easily. Not saying they're terrible people. But I think the man deserves better."

"What about me?" She waited for a few seconds as he didn't respond, pushing his knee and repeating herself, "Hey. What about me?"

"Nicki…I'll never deny you're a good agent. Are you a good close protection asset? No. Better than someone untrained in a fight, a solid shot with your sidearm, and a quick thinker. But your size remains your downfall. You're short, and you're thin. That puts you at a real disadvantage in a brawl. If you were the only woman he was marrying, I'd think it was fantastic. You're fun, you're funny, you're absolutely stunning, and you'd never take shit from people trying to hurt your man. The reason you and I didn't work out is because I can't stop being me, it was never about you being who you are." He looked down at her, "I don't think it's a good idea for you to be Miss Nicolette Ikari _and_ Agent Nicolette Ikari. Take what you've learned, apply it to keeping your household safe. Be his backstop, because honestly? If there's a combat problem, he's going to resolve it. And if someone kills his wife on a detail?"

She wanted to be angry. She wanted to call him a pig. She wanted to deny the truth of his statement. But he'd never once asked for another partner. He'd never once told their boss that she was anything but fully qualified. He'd never once called her 'weak' or 'pathetic' or 'a girl'. To him, she was 'Nicki'. To him, she was an agent. He expected of her the same he expected of himself…and she was over a foot shorter and at best a third his weight. He was being honest. "I can't just be a homemaker, Jake. I'd go insane."

"Then don't be," he scoffed. "I'm not telling you to stay at home with no shoes in the kitchen pumping out brownies and babies, I'm telling you to find another damn job. You've got more brains than all but a handful of our colleagues, you've got charisma in spades, and you've got every ounce of training we could stuff into your pint-sized ass."

"…He likes my ass," she snorted, looking away.

"Nicki, _I_ like your ass," he laughed. "It's a nice ass. But it's probably not even a pint. It's closer to a cup. Cup-sized ass." Letting his laugh die down, he reached over and gripped her shoulder tight, his eyes never stopping to surveil the scene, "You've got the tools, and the talent, to be successful in a lot of career fields. I'm _never_ going to be qualified to be a pilot with my problems, which was a dream I had from the time I was knee high to a grasshopper. I accepted it, looked at what I could do, and chose this. It's not a knock on you that you're small, couldn't be with the way he looks at you like he does. Find something that will support him, and not lead to him wiping out half of a hemisphere because the woman he looks at like that ends up dead…or worse."

Her tongue felt sour in her mouth, "That poor damn woman. I don't want to imagine what would have happened if Perfume had nabbed Nozomi."

"Your lips to God's ears," the big man agreed.

+++++ 14th Angel + 27: Monday (116)

"The tests came back negative, again," Ritsuko offered the printout to Vidar and Jorth. "I screened for everything I could think of, and she's not drugged in any form or fashion that I'm familiar with. Whatever it is that's keeping her from waking up, is probably closer to Shinji's arena than mine."

The matronly wife of the tow-headed pilot took the paper and looked it over, "Thank you, doctor." Finishing her second read-through, she handed it off to her husband, "What was it like, if you don't mind my asking, being a puppet for the Night Mother?"

"I don't remember. Bits and pieces, flashes of Shinji as he looked at the point in time…nothing that would be of any help if your sister-in-law is being held prisoner." She would not defend herself against things she did not do, but she did hope that the woman before her was only looking for other avenues and not to provoke a reaction now that Shinji wasn't around, "If I had to put my hopes for a recovery on something, again, it would be Shinji."

"Your…boyfriend?" Jorth tilted her head curiously, "What is he to you?"

"The man who believes in me. Who didn't give up on me." She smiled politely, "Who didn't _give in_ to me. I am sorry I have nothing else to offer you at this time, Haraldson-san, save my best wishes. Please do let me know if there is anything else I can do, if nothing else Shinji knows how to contact me."

"Of course, doctor."

+++++ 14th Angel + 27: Monday (116)

Staring out across the yard, Shinji listened with half of his mind to the conversation between three women who were important to him. It wasn't that he was disinterested in things that mattered to them, nor was it fatigue at their presence, that drove him to calmly resting against the huge oak. Ultimately, it was fear, of a form. He didn't know if someone, be it Lilith or otherwise, had killed Toshiro. If it was Rei's distance from him that led to the situation where her soul was reclaimed. If it was Noelle's insistence on not jumping in with both feet that led to her burning to death. If it was his fighting fate that would lead directly to Tsuru, Yang, and Kelly dying.

Two of the three relied on a great many assumptions. He could feel his own power. But how did it measure against hers? If he had to, right now, he could pick up Tsuru, Yang, and Hikari and dash home. They would be harmed, because he could not do so and be gentle without time to prepare, and may suffer serious injuries. They were _healthy_ , they could cooperate. Neither Idunn nor Kelly fit those descriptors. Both women were larger than any of the three before him, combined they were easily larger than all three.

Reaching out, he placed his hand atop Yang's head, finding that the tips of his fingers reached down to the base of her skull. The action paused the conversation, and brought confused frowns to all three faces. The size disparity between him and Lilith was noticeable, and there were doors to consider. But she also managed to grow to be of a size with him, when needed. It made little sense that she would struggle to carry three women, presuming she would ignore Christie. Was speed the concern, then? Additional mass would lead her to slow down, potentially.

Looking over to the closest squad, Shinji sprinted over and halted directly behind the NCO in command. The travel time was less than a second for over eighty meters. He was fast, and had control. However, it wasn't like the tower. Running on even ground was simple. Ignoring the concerned questions of the soldiers, he turned and sprinted over to, and up the side of, the building. Standing on the edge of the roof, he looked down and scowled. The only way to get down from the tower was the elevator, or the lengthy stairs. Vidar had nearly succumbed to smoke inhalation grabbing Asuka. Lilith would be fine, but if the room filled that quickly, was it just over too fast for Noelle?

Sitting down, letting his legs hang over the edge, he shook his head, "She'd said she could go back for her. That Eve would keep her safe until she could. She could have just blown a hole in the side of the building. Could she fly down with two women? Was she worried about exposure?" He sensed Rose's presence before she spoke, "You hated her, but you eventually came around. Why?"

"[Song], you're worrying everyone," the pink-skinned captain stood behind him, pulling his shoulders back against her torso. "Could we not have had this discussion without the demonstration of your gifts?"

"You can return a gift," he sighed. "I need to figure this out, Rose. Tabris implied she's killed more than one of my friends. She won't answer my question outright. If I find she's responsible for Toshiro, or Noelle…what do I do? Do I kill her? Can I kill her?"

"You're strong enough to take on my ship unassisted," her hands massaged his chest lightly. "I believe I would at least be a match for her. You could toss a coin as to who would emerge victorious…you would also find that victory would come at a steep price."

"That's not what I meant," tilting his head back, he looked her in the eyes.

There was immense trust in her gaze, "I do not wish to imagine a reality in which you are capable of cold-blooded murder, song of my heart. It is not who you are, it is not who I ever wish you to be. If she must be killed, I know it will be because you have no other choice."

"…Go get things ready for Kelly. I don't think her father will say 'No'. He just will probably imply several things about my honor and manhood that will be uncomfortably close to the truth." Looking back across the horizon as his wife vanished, he frowned, "I wish she hadn't run away. Whatever she's doing…it had better be worth the trust she's destroyed."

+++++ 14th Angel + 27: Monday (116)

"I can safely admit that's terrifying, right?" Shigeru's voice matched his emotional state, "He ran up the _building_. Not the fire escape. The building. He may be a good-hearted person, a kind person, but it's fine to be afraid of a humpback whale when your swimming next to one. Healthy. Right?"

Misato waited impatiently for the response from Hikari. She'd texted the young woman as soon as Shinji grabbed Yang's head, having seen the young man displaying the signs of distress. Watching him sit on the edge of the building made her decidedly uncomfortable, the look in his eyes not improving her mood. The buzz of her phone was the only reason she looked away from…. Shaking her head and promising herself she'd talk to him, she pulled up the messaging service.

'We were talking about horror movies.' Hikari's terse response provided little illumination.

She could see the man she…Shinji's wife standing on the ground floor staring up at him. _Probably using that mental chat channel._ The sudden thought that if she were in possession of said chat channel, she would be able to blister his ears with sufficient invectives to get him back onto solid ground did not improve her mood. _All of these women around him, none of them manage to stop him from doing these idiot-_

Pushing himself off the ledge, Shinji dropped to the ground below. As much as Misato might have liked to believe otherwise, the entire wing of the base she was in heard her cry out in fear. The desire to be in Hikari's shoes at the moment he landed, unharmed, only grew as she saw the young woman place her hands on his chest gently instead of alongside his cheek rapidly and repeatedly. The lunch she'd been given asked to be allowed to revisit her as nausea flooded her stomach, _I'm going to kill him._

+++++ 14th Angel + 27: Monday (116)

 _Because I swear on my father's grave, Shinji, I will forget my promise to never physically assault you if you_ ever _do that again._ Hikari's voice in his mind was not reflected at all in her poised, measured, gait alongside him as they returned to the classroom, _How I managed to not scream in terror is truly beyond comprehension. How I am not quaking in fear right now…. Are you_ completely _out of your mind?!_

 _The answer to that question is honestly more debatable than you probably want to hear right now,_ sliding the door open for the three ladies, he weathered the glare from Yang and hurt look from Tsuru.

 _Shinji_ , Maya's voice did little to improve his mood. _Misato would like to speak with you. Is there a reason your phone is turned off?_

 _Because the Angel isn't showing up for several more days, and I would know before you do that it's coming,_ settling himself in his desk, he ignored the odd looks from everyone around him. _What's your opinion on Yang and Tsuru?_

 _Please don't change the topic, Pup. You frightened your sub-commander. She needs to speak to you, and not through me,_ she was as she always was with him. Calm, measured, and honest. The tone of her voice in his mind informed him well enough that he'd have to account for his actions eventually with her.

 _I'm in class, Kitten. Pretending that I'm learning anything while instead contemplating exactly how little control I have over my life._ He could feel Hikari's song flinch, _I'm starting to think that not only is it not Hikari's fault that I bonded her, but that if I don't bond Yang, Tsuru, Kelly, and probably Kodama and Misato soon they might die. Lilith wasn't lying when she mentioned Creation's drive to have my family grow beyond my desires. Eve would have mentioned something by now if she was even remotely uncertain that I misread the truth of her song, and Rose admits that the Judges are aware of Creation at least. So now I have two choices. I can sit back and hope that I don't lose another woman to flames or an Angel's attack, or I can tell them the truth and hope that they forgive me for existing. Thrilling choices, honestly. Willingly be accomplice to murder, or willingly bring in women that don't meet with everyone's standards._

"Hey…Shinji," Yang eyed Hikari, leaning closer to his back and whispering, "I'm…uh, I'm not happy that you did that, but I'm ok. Don't spin yourself up, please." Unseen by him, she gestured for his wife to say something. He did, however, see Hikari shake her head slightly.

 _Tell her I'll talk to her later. I need to pretend to be a student now._ Pulling up his notebook's class chat messenger, he typed out a quick note to Tsuru, Yang, and Hikari, 'Today's lesson in physics got me to thinking. I know I couldn't have saved Noelle. I'm just not certain if nobody else could have. I am sorry for frightening you, I'll make it up later tonight. I love all three of you.'

Yang's reply was fastest, 'I love you too, big guy. Don't beat yourself up.'

Hikari's was only a fraction behind, 'I understand, my love. I think we should talk later, about everything. I can't fix it, but maybe I can help it settle easier on your shoulders.'

The message from Tsuru took longer, and he could sense her trepidation, 'You are a strong, caring man Shinji. I do not doubt in the slightest that if you could have saved Noelle-san you would have. Please, understand that I was hurt earlier because I fear terribly that you will…decide you cannot continue to deal with the pain. I look forward to speaking more, later tonight. Perhaps the three of us could paint your toenails? It wouldn't be visible to others, but it would allow us to show you we care.'

The idea wasn't original, but he also couldn't deny that it would allow him time to discuss everything. Turning to smile briefly to the woman on his left, he nodded, then added to the conversation, 'I like it. Though not like your nails. I want a riot of colors.'

"Stand," Hikari called as the teacher was seen at the door, "bow. Take your seats." There was no thrill of victory from her song, like he once might have expected. His wife, it seemed, was determined to prove her declarations as honest.

+++++ 14th Angel + 27: Monday (116)

"Because he wasn't wrong," Maya stated calmly from her position on the couch in Misato's office. "A long time ago…and it is insane to consider a little over two months 'a long time', he brought up the fear that we were being controlled. He was incorrect as to who was doing the controlling, save for one of us," she gestured to Ritsuko, "and potentially the degree to which we are being controlled. But I honestly can't overstate how important freedom of choice is to him. Not for himself, but for us."

The former blonde bounced her foot idly, frowning at the situation. She'd watched the video of Shinji performing physical feats that were intensely inhuman, felt the same fear that Misato described as she saw him slip off the building intentionally, and the news that he had done all of it to try and find a way to gift freedom to people who loved him only drove her desire for him higher. "This isn't the same. I remember more, towards the beginning, than I do towards the end…I love him. This isn't pure lust, this isn't mind-clouding sexual desire, I want him to be happy. I want to have him look at me and smile as he tells me he loves me. Of course I want to see how much I can fit inside of me, but that's not driving me forwards here."

"Not as much as I'd like," Shinji's wife smiled wanly. "I always try, but never manage it."

"Have you tried different positions?" Ritsuko wasn't afraid of talking shop, and didn't hesitate to offer experience to the one woman she doubted had more than Shinji to compare with, "I don't doubt you're adventurous, but he seems overly cautious. Wouldn't shock me if he shies away from-"

"We are discussing him jumping off of a building because he doesn't want to have a bunch of women clinging to his soul!" Misato slapped her table, "Does it really matter what he is or is not putting inside his wife?"

"Considering I hope to have him putting it inside of me too, yes." Ritsuko rolled her eyes, "We are not going to be able to resolve this. No amount of brainstorming is going to change the fact that the only beings that know the answers we need are presently unavailable for questioning." Placing her hands, palms up, out as if she was begging for scraps, the driven scientist assumed a pious expression, "Oh Creation, please grant us the wisdom to know if you are murdering women because either they, or Shinji, are refusing to perform the Bionic Camel."

Maya couldn't help but laugh, as tired as she was. Her own hopes had dropped to the point where she only wished she could at least control the quality of the women entering her relationship, as the quantity seemed out of her control, "She's not wrong, Misato. Like I said before, neither is he. At this point, it might be best for his sake for everyone he loves to answer the question honestly. Do _you_ love him? Are you willing to accept that the circumstances may have been rushed, but the destination remained the same? He loves Ritsuko. It took him a while to realize it, and she's done the right thing by not jumping into his bed right away, but they'll have plenty of time to grow into the way they feel about one another."

"Of course I love him," the violet-haired bombshell snapped. "What's not to love? But am I going to just mess everything up because I'm…."

Ritsuko let her head drop to the side, giving her oldest living friend a significant look, "Because you have less control over your hormones than I do?" Resuming a professorial posture, she shrugged, "So fuck him. If you're willing, do it while Maya, or Hikari, or both are in the room helping. If you need intimacy to answer yourself honestly, then ask for that. You can't get pregnant, and while I may joke about things, or when we're feeling catty I might say cruel things, you're not _filthy_ Misato. You aren't as dirty as you think you are, and for anything you might have managed to hide this long I have antibiotics."

Misato glared at her friend, "You are the world's _biggest_ cunt, you know that?"

"At least I'll be able to fit everything, then," the plainspoken woman shrugged. "When he's ready, and things have calmed down, I'll have my turn. For now?" Her face turned serious, "I'd really rather not lose my best friend because she placed too high a value on purity. I know you, Misa-chan. Ask permission of his wives, ask him again like you probably did before you were twat-swatted by the last Angel we fought, and make your choice. People around here keep saying that eternity is a long time to regret things. I think they have that backwards…it's a good amount of time to work towards forgiveness and self-respect."

+++++ 14th Angel + 27: Monday (116)

Kiyoshi held Shinji back, after she had everyone safely at the newly enlarged Ikari Manor. Standing away from everyone else, she gave him a level look, "Well?"

"I couldn't have saved her," he replied, cutting through most of the discussion. "Whatever set the fire, it burned in a way that even the Aspects inside of me couldn't put it out easily. Inside of that room were seven people, Idunn-san, Kelly-san, Asuka-san, Kaz-san, Green-san, Christie-san…and Noelle. Kaz-san and Green-san died honorably. They died the way I hope to one day die, fighting to save people who need my help. Christie-san…I still have no idea what she was doing there." His face drew taut, "Noelle was there because I didn't fight harder to take her home. You want to get on me about wanting closure I'll never have? Fine. I should not have projected my capabilities around people who aren't accustomed to them. But I need to know something, Kiyomi."

Her anger had faded to nothing halfway through his comments, replaced by both understanding and sympathy, "What can I do for you, Shinji?"

He looked out at the soldiers passing down reports of what occurred to the next teams responsible for the defense of his Manor, "If fate decreed she die…does that still make the person responsible a murderer?" So many lives depended on him, could he save them? Could he save _one_ of them? "If I am destined to drown in women who love me, does that mean I am responsible for what follows?" Looking back to her, his smile was heavy with fatigue, "You're a good woman, Kiyomi. One day, when you decide that you want to have someone to come home to, I hope you find someone who appreciates your sense of duty and honor as much as I do." Turning away, he laughed delicately as he moved towards the house, "Someone who appreciates candied cherries like you and I do."

He didn't expect an answer from her, his questions weren't something that could be answered by anyone with any authority. Lives married to Asuka, or Ritsuko had given him a breadth of exposure to philosophical texts and the varied schools of thought involved would provoke an equally diverse number of 'accurate' answers. He believed Creation existed. But was it an excuse? A convenient 'fall man' for Lilith's actions? Did the Judges blame Creation for what were purely their own desires? Could anyone speak to it, or was it like oxygen and simply existed. Was it, much as one philosopher put it, 'in the gaps'. Ever shrinking as impossible to understand mechanisms became possible to understand. Ten million years from now he might know. That didn't help him in the next ten years…or even the next ten minutes.

Reaching the door, he took a deep breath before walking into what was a much different house than the one he left that morning. _I can do this. I can take control. I can own up to my past._ He didn't care who heard the thoughts, because _he_ needed to hear the thoughts. Stepping in and calling out, "I'm home!" He smiled as he waved brightly at Team Rainbow. _Too much doom and gloom. How many times have I said that to myself? How many more times before I just fight for it?_ "How was class, you two?"

"It may be a few moments before we're able to do what we asked, Shinji," Tsuru answered for the little ones. "Nozomi-chan and Sakura-chan have some questions about their homework, and I volunteered to walk them through it."

"Oh, I'm sorry nii-san," Sakura looked between him and Tsuru anxiously, "I didn't know you had something planned!"

"It's no problem," he motioned soothingly. Reaching the back of the couch, he leaned down and kissed his classmate with much greater intimacy than was typical, "I can wait. Helping _family_ is far too important to rush through, right?"

"Y-yes," the farmgirl blushed brightly. "I…uhm," she shook herself, then smiled at the two young ladies in embarrassment, "I'll absolutely make sure they understand the concept before we stop for the evening."

"I'll help," Hikari reappeared with snacks. "Nozomi-chan needs exposure to other learning styles, and so does Sakura-chan." Pausing as Shinji held out his hand, she wasn't ready for him to bend down and explore her mouth quite so thoroughly. _M-my love?_

Breaking the kiss, he winked slyly, _I said I'd make it up to you. Didn't I?_ "As I said, take your time. Their futures are in our hands, and family is worth fighting for." Not seeing Yang, he moved out of Hikari's way, "I'm going to find Kodama. Let me know if I can help, ok?"

"We have this," Tsuru promised, eager to be seen as helping. "Don't worry."

Following the elder sister's song, confident that the younger were all happily engaged, he reached her room and knocked gently. She felt angry, more in line with irritation than actual rage, but it wouldn't do to just barge in…no matter how many times he'd been told he could. When the door opened, revealing a frowning nurse, he continued his campaign of delivering joy. Not giving her a chance to take him to task for knocking, he stepped through her door kicking it closed behind him, and lifting her into the kind of kiss that she'd long desired from him. Two steps carried her to the writing desk, where he sat her down and began to let his hands explore the bounty she had so generously offered to him far earlier than he was ready to seize the chance to.

Her song, as confused as it was overjoyed, shifted further towards confusion as her shirt began to creep upwards on her body. Breaking the kiss, though offering her neck for him to proceed in other avenues, she panted, "B-Baby? What's…uhm, hi?"

Biting down lightly on her shoulder, he forced himself to do those things she wanted but hadn't yet asked for, "I have a problem."

"And…uh, oh hnnnng," her jaw locked as he gripped her breast nearly as tight as she could stand, just as she'd begged him to many a time, "h-how can I h-help?" Her heart hammered in her chest, her song shrieking with longing and need.

Between kisses along her now bare neck and shoulder, he bared his mind for her, "I want to bond you. I want to do it while we…share. But I have a bunch of things to do tonight, things I promised to do. You told me once, that you didn't care how, you just wanted to become Kodama Ikari. Did you mean that?"

"I…Baby," her eyes fought against the pleasure she felt at his eagerness, trying to argue for caution, "the c-curse?"

Kneeling, he began to work on removing those restrictions which existed south of her navel, "I have already seen what there are of the futures I've lived, all of the pasts we've experienced. I can't imagine that it's somehow going to be any clearer because you're a part of me. Bottle's already opened. Balloon isn't going back in." Trailing his tongue along her thigh as he tugged down her shorts, he felt her shudder, "I can't lose you. I _won't_ lose you. Did you mean it?"

"What are you ask _ING_ ," her eyes shot open as he found a new use for his tongue. With her hands clenched in his hair, she shivered in place, "Y-yes…yes, I w-want to be y-yours." She needed to crush his head between her legs, to stop him from pulling away, to hold this moment in her mind forever. She would give him anything, she would do everything, if only he'd love her like this for all time.

Letting himself linger at the task for a few moments, giving her the attention that her pleasure deserved, he hoped that his plan was even possible. He had access to the Aspects' powers, even through the shield. They were protecting him against Lilith's manipulations, Sahaquiel was protecting her father. He had to hope that his daughter understood the difference, and would allow him to give her another mother that would love her as much as he did. Standing, he banished his own clothing and stood ready before her, "I will ask you once more…you know what my life is, Kodama. Do you accept me as I am?"

Her response was…enthusiastic. Catching her as she launched herself at him, he let himself be pushed back towards the bed, eventually toppling over backwards. There was no hesitation on her part, taking things in hand and guiding him where he belonged, in her opinion. Without pausing, she demonstrated her strong cardiovascular fitness, "Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. Do it, Shinji. I'll pull the papers out, turn them in tomorrow." Winking, she purred as his hands reached up to caress her with lingering desire, "I figure you want this to be a little faster. How long does it-"

He felt her body clench as her soul merged with his. His first emotion that he truly shared with her was anxious fear, the look on her face easily confused for pain. The gasping cry of ecstasy that followed a heartbeat after soothed his worries, her renewed assault on his pelvis however, brought them right back up. He could feel no physical pain with any act that she chose to do, only minor discomfort should things misalign in a way that most people would consider more than agonizing. She could filet his face with a dull spoon and it wouldn't truly 'hurt'. He was, however, quite concerned at the fact that the reverse was not true. The pace she drove herself at would leave bruises, of this he was certain. _The things we do for love._

+++++ 14th Angel + 27: Monday (116)

Having dressed himself once more after having borrowed Kodama's shower, the woman herself flatly unconscious for a quick nap in her bed, Shinji was somewhat surprised to find that only twenty minutes had elapsed as he exited her room quietly after placing his signature on the forms. The soundproofing, as ever, was something he was intensely grateful for. He did not want to imagine living in a house with young children, and no ability to protect them from the 'birds and bees' types of conversations that would have to be had in a house with women possessing as healthy an appetite for carnal matters as those he had become entangled with.

"So…." Akane stood at the end of the hall near one of the new portals to what he presumed was her room, "That's…uh, that's a thing." The slight blush to her cheeks was, shockingly, adorable.

His response, though forced to be so, was unapologetic. "This is part of why I fought against everything, Akane." Walking down the hall, he stopped a polite distance from the agent, _You're in my soul. When I…love, as I do, it's going to feel like that._ He remembered her standing there, motioning her approval as he walked down to dump the garbage when Hikari helped him clean Misato's apartment. He remembered her helping him make it to NERV when he cut his foot. She had, from the start, tried her hardest to help him be happy, _I can't apologize for it. Not anymore. I don't-_

Kissing her was an odd sensation, at first. It was obvious, to him, that her only experiences with the act were intended to be short-lived. Pleasure taken where it could be found, and as shallow as possible while still accomplishing the goal of physical release. That she initiated it didn't bother him, and after a brief hesitation he took his chance to remind her that 'forever' was not made for 'one night stands'.

Wrapping her in an embrace, he changed the pace of the kiss. She wasn't dragging him towards her bed, he knew that to be true. But she wanted, she _needed_ , him to understand that she wasn't his 'big sister' any longer. She had felt him take Kodama, or more rightly be taken _by_ Kodama, and it had worked her up as his soul sang with the pleasures of the flesh. After a few, long, minutes of proper attention to the agent's affections, he felt her push back. A part of him wanted to ask if she was ok, but he could feel her song and knew the answer already.

"You. Me. Miki. A date." She was conflicted, yes. But she held firm, "I…can accept romance. But I want to show you our world too. You're not the only one who has a lot of garbage in their head, kid." Seeing his slight frown, she smiled, "I don't care how many lives you've lived, Shinji. I'm over twice your age. You're still 'kid' until I decide otherwise." Pushing him harder, she stepped back, "Now go do what you were going to do. I'm…going to do lady things." Turning without another word and stepping into her new room, she left him in the hallway.

He could feel Mikoto in her room nearby, her song was…engaged similarly to how Akane's was in her own. There was embarrassment knowing that the women around him would _know_ he had been active, to be certain, but if he was going to put his foot down and act as a husband, or boyfriend, should…. "This is going to be insane," he grimaced. "I can do it. I can…I can take ownership of myself." Turning about, he walked back down the hallway to Kelly's room. Knocking, he hesitated only long enough for his keeper of secrets to cover over if she was indecent. He didn't want to force her to come open her door, not until she was healthy again.

As his head poked into the room, the Irish officer smiled at him with genuine pleasure, "Good afternoon…Shinji. I heard that you weren't having the best day. I'm glad to see you're at least not scowling." Sitting in her bed, her cast-covered legs resting on a pair of pillows with a laptop on another across her lap, she patted next to her with a grin, "Come here, I was actually talking to my sister."

Carefully placing himself by her side, he laid back and to the side enough that he could put his arm around Kelly's shoulders and be seen by the camera on the laptop. The woman on the screen matched well with the woman he'd seen in the pictures sent from time to time, and the woman he'd met at his wedding in several lives. "Fiona, maidin mhaith. Cén chaoi a bhfuil na madraí?"

"Who taught him the old tongue?" The mischievous appearing woman grinned, "Oh, Da is going to be over the moon with him, Kelly. The dogs are fine, good sir, and they thank you for asking after them. I'd love nothing more than to return the favor but 'I Japanese don't speak' is the extent of what I've managed to not butcher like a prized hog."

"I don't speak Japanese," he corrected the grammar with a calm smile. "I would settle for your honored father not shooting me, ma'am."

"Where is he, sis? You said he was on his way back from the store twenty minutes ago. I wanted to talk to him a bit before Shinji showed up, but…." Kelly fidgeted, drawing slightly closer to his embrace, "Things are moving faster than is proper, to say nothing of what Father Donovan would say."

"Father Donovan can suck an egg, Kelly." Fiona's temper made an appearance, "When God himself sets you on a path to serving the-"

The sound of a door opening and shutting drew her attention off camera, a powerful voice undimmed by age sounding out, "What are ye working on, child? I thought ye said we were expecting a call from my wayward daughter."

"Da, I'm speaking to her now," she gestured to the screen. "Remember, we're using the MAGI to speak without having to pay preposterous long-distance charges?" Scooting her chair to the side, she pulled another over where her father could also be in the frame, "She's there with His Grace, we've been discussing the hounds."

A thick torso appeared behind the chair, the man's occupation as both farmer and distiller giving him a physique many men half his age would envy. Settling down into the offered seat, stiff joints not yet loosened by the expected day of work, the man smiled as he saw his daughter, "Maidin mhaith, daor leanbh."

"Maidin mhaith," Kelly responded dutifully.

"Well now," the man considered Shinji. "The television cameras don't do you justice, Your Grace."

"Please, honored sir, just Shinji. I haven't found myself to be any more or less graceful than any other man," _I really hope you aren't going to force formality._ "I would, however, like to apologize for allowing your daughter to come to harm. She has been invaluable, and I've done everything I can to encourage her to rest and heal properly."

"I do not doubt that you have, Shinji, I do not doubt that you have." His hand shifted under the table, taking his other daughter's, "Fiona broke her foot once, some time ago. Hasn't slowed her down that I've noticed. My daughters are strong, like their mother, I'm sure Kelly will surprise you before long."

"I…might surprise you too, Da," Kelly's fingers gripped Shinji's shirt, clutching it for support. "You might remember Shinji's offer of employment? Now that the UNN has to let me resign my commission, that is."

"I do," the man frowned. His displeasure with the turn of events evident, though his thoughts were left unspoken.

Her song spoke of fear, "Well…he's offered me something…."

"I have become rather fond of your daughter, honored sir," Shinji stepped into the lull. If anyone was going to take the heat for this, it was going to be him. She loved him, by her own admission, and it was only due to Creation forcing things along that led to the string of events that placed them here. "If I understand your traditions correctly, I am obligated to ask your permission to court her."

His jaw stiffened, though the fine details of his emotions remained a mystery, "I was given to understand ye had a pair of wives as it was. Now, my familiarity with yer culture comes from a series of films and little else," he raised an eyebrow, "is it common over there to take so many women on?"

"It is not, honored sir." Shinji would not lie, nor would he cower, "I am one of two people to be given special dispensation, and only because of…I will call it a spiritual matter. I am now married to five women, though I deserve not a one of them, and only by their consent have I pursued your daughter's hand."

"Shinji spends a great deal of time serving the poor, Da," Kelly interjected, exceedingly worried that her father wasn't going to react favorably. "He donates to a number of local causes, and the letter campaigns I told ye about drive attention to areas that need greater attention from the local ministers."

"I know of his works, daughter," the man silenced her with a look. "He preaches honesty, service, charity. He heals the sick, the lame. He urges peace, despite the wrongs other nations have done unto him. He does not shy away from preaching the truths of the world to and for the harlot, the beggar, or the criminal." His eyes moved back to Shinji, "Ye call it a spiritual matter, Your Grace. Would ye care to expound upon that?"

"Da," Fiona was cut off with a sharp gesture. There was no violence, nor a hint of anything similar, in his motion, but it silenced her all the same.

Shinji sighed inwardly, not eager to sound like a lunatic to the father of the woman beside him. He had to admit, however, that the man deserved some measure of the truth. He'd want to know that anyone courting Nozomi wasn't barking mad too. "A…force beyond human understanding has set my path before me, honored sir. A part of its demands, in that I understand them and interpret them, is that for each of the Accursed Enemy I kill, I must take a bride. Balance. Creation requires that I create, in as much as I destroy what chaos exists in the universe. It is likely that much of the misfortune I've inflicted on those I love is because I have hesitated, thinking that I was wronging the women who have presented themselves before me. Ignoring their genuine pleas of affection, believing it not only abusive but demeaning to them, I…." He looked down at Kelly's hand, and reached over across his body to take it in his, "I am terrified that by loving them I have damned them. And only by accepting their love, may I save them. It is why I say I do not deserve them. They are better than I will ever be, they could do better than someone as unworthy as me, but as badly as I may wish they would…I will not deny their love any longer. If I am damned to suffer their love, then I will love them with all of my heart."

The old farmer bowed his head, "In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti, Amen." Holding his head down for a moment longer, he looked up, "I would be honored to have you out to the farm, when you could make time. There are some recipes, things that we've kept in the family, that I'd like to make certain get passed along properly. The whisky you like so well, among them."

Fiona looked askance at him, a small smile growing, "Da?"

"Ours is not a kindly God, daughter. He's set a hard path before the man they call Paladin. That the little girl I held in my hands those decades past might help His son bring peace to Earth, goodwill to mankind…I am no fool to say, 'No'." Smiling with heavy sorrow at Kelly, he shook his head, "Ye always were the one to seek out the path less traveled, girl."

"We'll come out as soon as we can," Kelly promised. "But until the Angels are gone, we can't leave. He and his partner are the only two that can fight, but I promise we'll try and make it out soon. We should go, though. It's about time for supper here, and I wouldn't want to hold up the house. Shinji does most of the cooking, after all."

"I would like to hear a little more about the irrigation system in the back forty, before we hang up," Shinji guessed that the problem from one of the more favorable lives remained. The land in the area he mentioned was fond of eating the machinery, and he himself needed to show that he wasn't interested in just taking from the man who offered his daughter's hand. "I might have some ideas on how to fix the problems that Kelly has told me you're having."

+++++ 14th Angel + 27: Monday (116)

"I've given Kodama the same treatment we gave Hikari," Rose reported, pleased at the way things were turning out. She was well aware of how Shinji had spent the two hours or so after returning home, and felt it tremendous progress towards him embracing the kind of life she knew possible. "This, however, is going to be a little different. We're going to induce unconsciousness, and keep you unconscious for a day or so. Strengthening your bones, growing them back to where they ought to have been, adjusting the tendons and ligaments, repairing the musculature, this isn't something that you want happening while you're conscious. You just don't."

Kodama, sitting on the opposite side of Kelly from Shinji, was feeling incredibly tactile after having been given everything she'd wanted. Holding onto one of the redhead's hands, she shared a huge smile with her soon-to-be fellow resident of Shinji's soul, "I'll be monitoring you, making sure you're safe and sound. I'll even pester Shinji to come in, from time to time, if you want."

"I doubt I'll need to be pestered to check in," Shinji smiled fondly at the teasing. He hadn't moved from his place, determined that he would both accept and embrace the role Creation had slotted him into. "I…have many loves. I have an obligation to work hard to show that I both accept their love, and that I am returning it."

"I don't doubt we'll grow in love, Shinji," Kelly rubbed his leg with a contented grin. "But don't push yourself too hard. I'd rather you come to appreciate me naturally, than to always wonder if you're only being demonstrative because of obligation."

"You won't have to wonder," Kodama shook her head with a sudden look of bliss. "It's…it's on a billboard." With a giggle and another squeeze of her living stress ball, she tipped her head towards Kelly repeatedly, "C'mon. Do the thing. Show her."

Looking down at the woman under his arm, Shinji's smile was at once filled with sadness and warmth, "Last chance, Kelly. I won't judge you poorly, and I'll not give a moment's peace to any woman in my life that would dare to force you to live a life you don't want."

"I made my choice when I introduced you to my father," the redheaded officer's smile was understanding and determined. "I'd ask you the same thing, though. Am I a woman you'll wake up to, ten, twenty…a thousand years from now, and not regret the day you met me?"

Snorting a soft laugh, he shook his head, "I _do_ regret that day. Asuka was shot, I killed several men, I fought an Angel, I couldn't save over a third of the fleet, Kaji-san killed himself rather than face…everything." Leaning forward, he pressed his lips to her temple, "You're one of the few good memories of a _very_ bad day. I remember a kind touch, a warm drink apparently mixed with alcohol," her grin and shrug brought a brighter smile to his face, "and a woman who insisted that I be treated as both a recovering victim and a competent adult."

Her eyes spoke of the pain she knew he felt, no need of a bond to his soul to understand and empathize with how he had been battered around aboard what she'd long felt as 'home'. With a nod, she sealed her fate, "I've made my choice. If I am going to be offered a seat at the table, then I will give my all for my new family."

"Then we embrace eternity together." Shifting closer, once more, he provided a much less chaste kiss while enveloping her soul in his. One hand rested on her shoulder, the other on her side, both neither pulling her in nor pushing her away. They weren't as close as he was with Kodama, but he still wished to give her appropriate signs that she was physically compelling to him. Any comparison between women remained forbidden, especially any comparisons between those who existed in his soul, but he would never deny she was a handsome woman by any measure. Settling back, the more prudish part of his mind insisting he not linger at kissing a woman in front of two other women who also would enjoy kissing him, he tested the link out, _You brushed your teeth while I was finding Rose._

 _I was raised better than to give a man any reason to doubt that I would care for myself as I expect him to care for himself, sir,_ her nose scrunched in a teasing smile. Wiping away a tear that threatened her right eye, she looked to Kodama, "It's…I don't know how he hides that so well, when he can't hide anything from us."

"Our man is a wounded creature, and will need gentle care and feeding," the busty nurse hugged Kelly. "And lots of pets."

Laughing as she returned the embrace, Kelly demurred, "I think I'll wait a bit on the petting. I don't want to give him the impression that I'm only in this for my own pleasure." Relaxing back into her pillows, she looked between the three people in her room, "I promise, I'll work my tail off for everyone. I'm proud of everyone in the house, and I'm…really happy that I'm loved."

"You'll be happier when we get you your legs back," Rose patted the woman gently. "Give him another kiss, and let's get started on lying to the world."

+++++ 14th Angel + 27: Monday (116)

"I'm not happy," Maya announced in the kitchen, standing with Suzuka and Hikari. "It wasn't a smart plan when you bonded Hikari without talking to us, and it's no more sane now." Looking him in the eyes, she shook her head slowly, "What happened to talking to Misato?"

"I'm going to talk to her once she's off work," he knew Maya was disappointed, and he could feel Suzuka's anger, but he was not going to back down from his position. "I don't need to sleep, and she isn't off work until twenty-three hundred. The conversation we're going to have is not one I want to have at NERV, and when she yells at me I'd rather it somewhere that she can be 'Misato' and not 'Sub-Commander Katsuragi'."

"Understanding that I am at least part of the problem you're having, dear," Hikari stood by Shinji's side, fully supportive of his decisions, "I think he has a valid reason for doing what he did. I've already ruined his mind, and Kodama's visions aren't going to suddenly add a layer of additional terror onto what is already a miserable pain. We can't deny that Creation might be aiming to kill off, or otherwise remove, women that 'don't fit' in what he wants, so why should we take him to task for bonding Kelly and Kodama? We all agreed they'd be bonded eventually, right?"

"I don't care that he bonded Kelly," Maya waved off that point. "I gave her my permission to ask, I know she's asked everyone else. Her presence doesn't come with the additional complications of atypical hereditary abilities for him to absorb. She's Irish, not an Oracle."

"You also didn't ruin my mind," Shinji pulled Hikari into a side-hug. "If we live in a deterministic universe, and Creation is taking an active hand in molding me into whatever it needs, then it logically follows that it needed me to have what you have. Otherwise, I would have shown up to middle school, embarrassed myself by standing in a room intended for people three years younger, and gone home and never spoken to another human being."

"It cannot be that simple," Suzuka asserted. "If it were, we could justify any hedonistic actions we wished to take and simply blame them on the whims of a capricious madman that we can neither touch nor speak with." The mother of his unborn children was, to put it delicately, absolutely beyond enraged that her husband-to-be would risk another 'trip down memory lane' without consulting with anyone. "You yourself have said that there must be some form of free will, else all they would see is a single unchanging timeline."

Handing over a folder he'd brought with him into the room, he addressed Suzuka directly, "That works for the tiny strokes of the brush, Suzi. It does nothing for the grander designs. If the plan was, as Lilith said it might be, to show me what would happen if I didn't fight. What might happen if I didn't accept love. Or, honestly, to show me those good futures with all of you individually, then I would need what Hikari has. Creation might have pushed her to love me so that I would take her into my soul. The 'reward' from her perspective, is a man that forgives her for it and trusts that she wants what is best for our family."

Spying the signed document inside, her song twitched violently, "This is not…an unwelcome gesture."

"I will not, _can_ not, sit back and risk that the women I love will suddenly burst into flames because I am sitting back hoping that they'll realize they're wrong," he hated being as firm as he was being. He hated making decisions. He hated acting as if he…. "I am not changing our agreement. That does not, however, mean I am going to dither about when lives are at stake." Taking in both women, and confident in Hikari's unyielding support for his actions, he put his foot down, "Be angry with me if you must. I will take solace in the fact that Kodama is alive and happy."

Maya's song was its typical steady rhythmic tune. There were hints of extreme anger, and a strong thread of disappointment, but she did not surprise him when she sighed and simply stated, "I don't control you. You've chosen to do this, and because I love you I will help manage the fallout." Stepping forward, she poked him in the chest, "You might, however, consider a shopping trip in the near future to keep your word to me."

Slipping a hand up to squeeze her finger he smiled his gratitude, "Already planned on it." Tugging her into the hug, he whispered, "Thank you, Maya. I am sorry that I scared you earlier, and I am sorry that this has continued the day's trend of worrying you about my health and future. I appreciate your patience, and am grateful beyond words that my wife continues to prove how blessed I am."

"Flatterer," she snorted.

"Hikari, could I ask you to take Maya and give me a moment alone with Suzuka?" Separating himself from his wives, he stooped to kiss the first woman he'd ever called 'girlfriend', "She deserves a chance to express her displeasure without anyone else present. I trust that I am safe with her, so please keep everyone out of the kitchen for now."

"As you wish, my love," stealing another kiss, she eyed her oldest friend before turning and walking out of the room with her wife, starting up a conversation about the evening's plans.

His living weapon considered him with a sharp gaze for several long seconds as she fanned herself with the folder containing a marriage license, signed by him, and another document that she hadn't expected of him. It was clear, even without her song, that she was torn between being impressed at his sudden display of the man she knew he could be, her frustration at his continued existence as the man she knew he was, and her anger at the memories of two weeks spent at his side as he suffered at the hands of a curse that was never meant for human minds. "I am not as forgiving as our wife."

"Nor should you be, this was reckless, stupid, and has the potential to create further problems right when we need them the least," he agreed. "I believe the quote, however, is 'Who dares, wins'."

Holding up the package, she eyed him, "This had best not be an attempt at purchasing my forgiveness."

"I wouldn't be so crass," clasping his hands loosely before him, he kept his eyes on hers. "You, Suzuka Ikari, belong to me. You are, more than even Maya Ikari, an irremovable piece of my being after the oath you made in my soul. I cannot summon others as I can you. I cannot fight alongside others as I can you. And I can never… _ever_ …replace you." Nodding towards the folder, he kept his face carefully neutral, "Kodama doesn't want a huge production. Maya and Hikari were happy with the ceremony they had. Each woman I am with is unique in their needs, their desires. And so I wanted to give you something for you. We belong to, and with, each other. I already own your very being. Now, you'll own mine. By my own hand, with whatever free will I have."

"…There will never be another Horaki to be bound to you. I cannot ask you to never again do the thing that frightens me such as this does, as it has now become an impossibility." Stepping before him, holding his gaze, she proved him right, "You are mine, Shinji Ikari. Never do something similarly reckless again…without me present."

He inclined his head in contrition, "On my honor."

Pressing a light kiss to his chin, she sighed in irritation as her anger slunk away, "What is your intent with Katsuragi-chan?"

His eyes showed surprise, "No yelling?"

"I did not name you 'Little Bear' on accident. Harming you for no reason is much the same, it engenders nothing but disgust in me," tapping him on the chest with the bundle of papers, she frowned. "You are a terrible and dangerous man, dear heart. But you only ever act impulsively when lives may be lost. It is a far cry from my wars with my former husbands…and perhaps a sign that they were never who was meant for me." Waving the topic away, she repeated her question, "Katsuragi-chan?"

"I'd like to have this discussion with Maya, Hikari, Kodama, and Rose." He shrugged, "So I don't repeat myself?"

+++++ 14th Angel + 27: Monday (116)

It wasn't long before he'd come to an agreement with the women who characterized his most trusted circle regarding his ideas for dealing with Misato, allowing him to spend the next part of the evening apologizing to two women who'd seen him do something 'dangerous' firsthand. Wearing his boxer-briefs and a t-shirt, he sat patiently with his feet receiving significant attention while he spoke, "…it really was a matter of getting the thoughts out. I _am_ sorry, please don't think I'm downplaying your concerns, but I wasn't ever in danger. I'm almost positive that I could fall from orbit and the ground would be more damaged than I would."

"Perhaps we don't test that out?" Yang looked up at him, the bright pink nail polish brush in her hands, a stern mien and serious tone to her voice, "I could live the rest of my life never seeing that again."

"It would…be nice to never have to," Tsuru agreed cautiously.

Hikari laid across his knees, organizing the colors as she idly kicked her feet. All three women were in a similar state of dress, the 'bonding' allowing everyone to come together and see that Shinji neither judged them unfavorably, nor was ruled by his hormones. Each wore one of his shirts, and little else beneath. His wife, having her 'favorite' shirt that had once belonged to him, was not shy about letting it ride up her torso to share that she had taken to a similar exercise routine to Yang, "I'm thinking teal next."

"You're awfully blasé, Hikari," the leggy waitress frowned at her friend. "I could tell you were enraged at the time. What changed?"

"He told me why he did it," she responded with a shrug. "I can't be angry at him for settling his own mind regarding the facts of the matter." Handing Tsuru the light blue, she patted his shin, "He has been handling his anger, his sorrow, and his pain all the best he can. He has spoken to others, tried to get an idea of what they believe, but through it all he is one of perhaps three individuals who could be reasonably certain of the facts at play. If doing this helps him settle his mind, and allows him to make decisions as he has today, then I will not be petty enough to remain angry at him. He knew he was safe, and I now know the truth."

"What decisions?" The farmgirl wished to move the conversation past more negative matters towards something positive, hoping that Shinji would remember her idea fondly, "Kodama-san seemed very happy, and I heard Rose-san mention that Kelly-san should be walking soon. Did you help, Shinji?"

"I bonded Kodama," he announced, knowing that the statement would bring a new wave of anger from two of the women present.

Yang, the first to speak, surprised him, "Good. That's one less worry."

Tsuru, however, frowned at him, "Wasn't that dangerous too? Hikari, you mentioned that he hadn't done that because she might trigger a relapse of some sort. Aren't we risking him falling into another fugue?"

The Shirakami-in-training knew that answer, "Unless there were somehow futures he hadn't seen, it's illogical to think that adding another person capable of seeing the future would somehow change the amount of future he sees." Returning to her task of painting Shinji's toenails with twirling, vibrant, rainbows, she shook her head, "He's already drowning in the ocean. Does it really matter how deep the ocean goes? He's treading water on the surface, if he goes under he can't put his feet on anything, ten meters or ten thousand meters, he's drowning if he doesn't swim."

"I need help swimming, though," he worked his tongue against the inside of his mouth. "Which leads me to my next problem."

"I've already asked Hikari, Suzuka, and Kodama," Yang announced, knowing where he was headed. "I had _planned_ on asking Maya and Rose tonight, but _someone_ decided to go bungee jumping without the rope." Looking hard at him, she scowled, "Still not happy."

"Nor should you be," he accepted her anger as appropriate, from her perspective. "Hikari?"

"I will not change my mind simply because I was wrong to do other things. Being wrong in one thing doesn't make me wrong in everything that came from that." She kept up her organizing of the colors they intended to use, "I think you can keep your expectations in place, and still move everything ahead. Yang, dear, you _are_ going to go to university, right?"

"I want to get a degree in arbitration, conflict resolution, and negotiation," the waitress announced happily. "Since he won't stop putting himself in the middle of chaotic situations, and you're going to be busy working with Ritsuko-san learning how to be a scientist, it'll be up to me to stop everyone from fighting all the time." She tilted her head as she considered him, "Maybe I'll minor in business management. We could start a restaurant of our own, as part of the Family business."

Tsuru blinked a few times, "So…it kind of sounds like…."

"Sweetie, you need to ask Hikari, and the others," Yang reached over blindly and patted her friend's knee. "He's offering you the same deal, just pre-paying on his portion. But, believe me when I say that you'll need to prove to his wives that you're not going to just sit around eating truffles. Kodama grilled me for an hour last night, making sure I had my plan down firmly. She's been through college, recently, and she isn't shy about telling you how hard it is."

"I…uhm," she looked at Shinji's nails, then up at him, then at Hikari, then to the door, then back down to what she'd set her hand to, "Hikari…are you truly all right sharing your husband? Do you honestly like me, the way you said you do?" Her hands trembled slightly as she painted, marring the lines some. "You've been…moody, lately. I didn't know for sure if you were just…."

"I think you are a wonderful person, a good kisser, and in desperate need of confidence," Hikari announced. "I think it would be best if you found a role in the house that fit _you_ rather than trying to do everything and hoping that one of the things you do will make people happy."

"But that _is_ her role," Shinji countered. "One of the reasons I've enjoyed her presence, unlike Seika-san or Natsuko-san, was that Tsuru wanted everyone to be comfortable and happy. She enjoys harmony, and dislikes conflict. It may very well be that her role is to not have a defined role, and instead to be supportive to those who are having a hard day. A friendly ear, someone to bounce ideas off of." He held up a finger, "Until the end of the year, and then your role should be dedicated college student, learning how to be the best chemist you can be."

"He makes a good point, Hikari," Yang agreed with Shinji. "One of her biggest strengths is that she doesn't deal well with people hurting. It's why she's so fidgety around here, what with everyone hurting all the time. You're a leader, you always have been. Shinji's coming into his own as a leader, but he has a ways to go, still. I have leadership potential, but I'm much more in line with Maya-san. I'm a facilitator, at heart. I do best when I'm helping groups cooperate and coordinate, not standing behind the wheel like you or Shinji. What you've kind of missed, and it's because Tsuru is so smart that you're missing it, is that Tsuru's not a leader. She makes a nice figurehead, sure, but her personality is not set up for it." She smiled at her friend, "I don't mean that as a slight. Like I said, I'm not really a great leader myself. Not everyone can steer the ship. Some of us have to make sure the ship keeps running, you know?"

"I think she'll come into her own as a leader, eventually," Hikari disagreed, though not unkindly. "Not everyone is born to it, and I have faith that she'll develop the skills needed. She just has to find the thing she wants to take control of, and run with it."

"What she's saying, Tsuru," Shinji smiled his warm smile, "is that you have one person convinced. The other four, are up to you."

+++++ Author's Notes:

TripleF:

RE: Maya's guess as to the number of wives.

During Lilith's statements regarding Creation's intent, Kodama mentioned that the number of Angels Shinji had fought and would fight seemed to line up well with the number of women Lilith mentioned. That's where she's inferring the numbers from, plus Rose. The 'at least', I think, might have been better off left unstated. Poor Shinji.

RE: My merry band of misfits.

It is indeed why I had to add so many people. NGE lacked balance, intentionally so, while demonstrating how pure balance led to stasis for Shinji. Once he was imbalanced, everything fell completely apart. Now he's going to have that balance forcefully restored. Lucky him.

RE: Your guesses.

Those are some good thoughts. I'll be interested to see how what comes of the story matches with what you've guessed at.

origamishishou: RE: OCs.

I can only hope that the frog is happy now.

TheHiddenLettuce: RE: The End(?).

With enough interest, I may very well write that story. It's…long, though. I can easily see people getting bored with a millennia long struggle against gods. I can see it, because it happened already when I tried to write it on AO3. The quote was, "This isn't NGE anymore, and isn't why I'm here". Half a million words, gone.

Ghost Man: RE: Creation.

Irony.


	118. Chapter 118

+++++ 14th Angel + 27: Monday (116)

Waiting outside of Misato's office, hearing her song within, Shinji kept a calm conversation up with the latest in the unending string of failed candidates for Executive Assistant to the Sub-Commander from Hell, "That does sound very challenging, sir." The poor man clearly was in desperate need of an ear to bend, and after Shinji had politely, but firmly, requested he not warn his boss that he was here, he gave him one, "Perhaps, and please don't think this is an order, you might consider looking into another Section? Misato-san is…like the car she enjoys. Fast, agile, and best handled by someone able to keep up with both. You seem to enjoy more sedate trips, and I doubt anyone is going to look down on you for transferring."

"But…won't that look bad on my résumé?" Having completely forgotten over the course of the conversation that Shinji had never held a job outside of slaying gigantic beings from beyond the veil of time and space, the man was fully engaged with listening to his advice, "I mean, I'd essentially be quitting during a war, wouldn't I?"

"You could tell everyone that asked how you felt that she needed someone who was more in tune with her core management philosophy," borrowing something he'd heard from Yang earlier in the evening, he rolled his hand encouragingly. "Not everyone is going to blend well, and she's very 'aggressive'. Perhaps you do better encouraging individuals to step up and take ownership of their area, instead?"

Suddenly noticing the clock, he jumped up, "Oh, I need to tell her it's the end of her shift, or she'll-"

"Go on home," Shinji encouraged him gently. "I had planned on talking to her after work, so I'll take the responsibility for letting you leave early. She's already upset with me, there's no need for her to be upset with both of us, right?" A subtle signal towards the door, an understanding grin, and he had the man in motion and gone before he even had to repeat himself. His smile faded to a hard line after the door shut behind the man, "I should feel bad about this…but he's not cut out for this job." Turning to Misato's door, he walked into her office boldly, wanting to get out ahead of the argument that was about to ensue, "No, I can't fly. Yes, I knew I'd be fine. No, I'm not going to talk about it until we're at your apartment. No, you don't get a vote, you're not my enemy."

The look of shock on Misato's face was easily worth every moment he'd spent preparing himself to act. She couldn't, in any way, shape, or form, believe that standing in her office was Shinji Ikari. The calm confidence radiating off of him scuttled her own prepared rants focusing on his irresponsible and reckless actions, leaving her with only impromptu displays of displeasure, "Lead Pilot, I will remind you that I outrank you."

What he had to speak to her regarding was too important to cajole, so he reached for the metaphorical knives as he crossed his arms and glowered, "Yes, I understand you are in fact my superior. One wouldn't likely find it terribly hard to outrank 'conscript' though, so I've found ways to work around it. Your shift ended three minutes ago. We need to talk." Tapping what he knew she would recognize as the international code for distress with a finger she would easily see, he carried on, "Unless, of course, you feel that your mountain of paperwork is more important than me, that is."

He saw her eyes flick to his finger, then back up to him. There was a brief bit of confusion, before she threw her pencil down and marched around the desk, "This had better end in a written apology, Shinji. You might still be hurting after everything, but you know better than to be _rude_."

They were being recorded. There was no way they weren't, and so he threw those that might have been listening a nice herring to chase, "Rude is what I have been enduring at home. Rude is constantly feeling like I'm being torn in twelve directions. Rude is the expectation that I keep attending classes that I not only _can_ but _have_ been teaching. I'm not going to get into this here, I want to go back to your apartment, I want to speak my bit, and then I want to go for a run. My private life doesn't need passersby listening in."

Noticing that the final rebuke was timed for when they entered the corridor, one of the busier in the entire facility, Misato felt people scramble to move quickly away. Few, if any, therefore noticed that Shinji was completely stone-faced. He wasn't angry, she'd figured that out with his S.O.S., but he was incredibly worried about something, "What happened to my EA? He was supposed to tell me if someone showed up to see me."

"I asked him not to, and convinced him to go home before I walked into your office." Playing along with the 'casual anger', he forced himself to let her set the pace, "After speaking with Maya, Hikari, Suzuka, Rose, and Kodama, dealing with him was almost cathartically easy. I believe I even managed to convince him to look for another Section to work in."

"If you did, I might just forgive you for walking into my office like you owned it." The conversation came to a halt, both people lost in their own thoughts as they worked their way out to the parking garage. Misato felt, the longer she walked at his side, that things were even less all right in Shinji World than she'd thought possible. The possibility that he was approaching her to vent, to seek help, fed the supercharged protective instincts she struggled with, which led to the total defeat of the Forces of Anger. By the time she pressed the key fob to unlock her car doors, she had forgotten all about him jumping off a three story building.

Settling himself in her passenger seat, Shinji carefully shut the door, "You know…I never really noticed how small your car is."

Eyeing her former ward, she raised her eyebrow, "You do know you're the size of a kaiju, right? You haven't forgotten about Mount Shinji?"

"Kind of hard to forget." Waiting for them to start in motion, he pulled out the device Maya used to scramble any recording devices. Turning it on, he placed it where Misato could see it on his thigh, "Your radio won't work, but neither will NERV's."

"I told them not to bug my vehicle," she grimaced. "If I find one, I'm going to fire people."

As soon as they were past the checkpoint, he let his head slump forward, "Misato, this conversation isn't going to be pleasant. I am sorry for pushing it on you…but of anyone I could trust that I'm not living with, I really need to feel I can trust you."

The sudden flush of concern that washed over her was amplified sevenfold by his use of the word 'need', "Shinji…what's going on?"

"In your apartment," he promised. "I'm starting to become very concerned about who we're working for, and with." His jaw clenched, "And it is not only those like Lilith that concern me." Misato's habit of pushing her vehicle to the absolute limit no longer bothered him. His abilities, his memories, his struggles, all allowed him to plan for every possible concern. The wheels coming off the vehicle, another car swerving into her path…incoming mortar fire. The ability to feel safe was something he was truly envious of in the people of the city. Their faith in his capacity to protect them, in the wall of steel and leather the military provided, in the giant robots that they couldn't even begin to understand. There was no safety for him. There was no safety for those around him. He had forever set aside such innocent feelings as safety when he stepped forward to defend everyone he loved. His next statement came out as both lament and regret, "I miss Noelle."

"I do too, Shinji," Misato reached over with the hand she worked the stick with, patting him on the knee, "I do too."

Once the vehicle was in the assigned parking spot for her, Shinji was quick to hop out. Partly because he didn't want to be caught flatfooted should someone attack, and partly because he wanted to get the evening moving. He would be eating into Misato's sleep, and that alone was cause for haste. Rounding the vehicle, he scooped her into a bridal carry as she closed her car door, leaping up the several floors between the ground and her apartment. Landing, he bumped into the next obstacle between him and his goals, "Nicolette." Setting down his sub-commander, he walked over to the frowning agent, "Did you forget something here?"

"Wall locker syndrome," she responded tersely. Once he was closer, she tugged his shirt until he bent down for a kiss. Lingering at the task, she eyed the violet-haired bombshell behind the man she'd become bonded to. Settling back, she kept her voice at a low whisper as she returned her gaze to him, "What's going on?"

 _I'm asking questions that need answers,_ he reminded her of their bond by speaking directly to her mind. _If General Benoit is killing people, she needs to know. If she already knows…well, at least there's a toilet in there I can vomit into. Please, I know you're a capable woman. Trained, deadly, and competent. I'd_ really _prefer you not go out alone, late at night, just because you're afraid you forgot things. If no one else will, I'll come with you. I make more than enough money to replace anything you own, and if your landlord wants to make a fuss I'll remind him of the apartment next door Noelle and Kodama shared._

 _So you do care,_ her smile turned playful, an eagerness to stop him from spiraling downward creeping into her song.

 _You already know I do, Nicki._ Kissing her forehead, he stood back up, "If there's any problems on the way home, scream mentally. Believe me…I'm very fast."

She patted his chest, "Jake is in his apartment waiting for me to finish up. He's a gentleman too, and is making sure a lady gets home safe." Winking, she turned back to her door, "But it does make me happy that you're worried."

Standing where he was until her door was closed, listening to her song for several seconds as she walked carefully through her old apartment, he tried to force away the image of Noelle's bloodied form. "I'm not him." Turning towards Misato, and urging her to her home, he repeated it more firmly, "I'm _not_ him."

Misato held her tongue until they were inside, irritated at the blonde agent's display of possessiveness and the unmistakable appearance of a mental conversation between Shinji and someone tied to his soul. With the door closed, and the device turned on, she crossed her arms and faced him, "You're not who?"

"The me that I keep seeing in my mind." Picking her up into an enormous hug, Shinji pressed her against the wall and kept his body between the world and the one woman who he honestly felt could wound him irreparably. There was no passion, no hunger, nothing that would indicate he was taking gratification from the contact. After several long moments of sheltering her, he continued his thought, "I want to kill them, Misato. I want to track down everyone responsible for Noelle, whoever is responsible for Toshiro…I want to track down Tabris, or Lilith if she was involved, and I want to rip their _fucking_ spine out through their eye socket." Shuddering, he slowly set her down, "I'm not that man. I'm not."

"Shinji, what's going on?" Leading him to the sofa, she pushed him over the armrest so that he fell down onto his back. Tossing her jacket aside, she climbed over the side herself and sat down on his lap, "You seemed fine this morning when you were teaching the class. Then, something happened." Taking his hands, she set them on her hips, then patted his stomach in a rapid tattoo, "Talk to me."

Sitting atop him was most men's dream. Despite his protestations several months prior, he had several stray thoughts that employed his recent education in the 'arts' that led to a blush, "Please stop bouncing. It's…distracting."

A sly grin made a brief appearance, "Still got it." Sobering, she sat back and refrained from further motion, "It can't be that bad if a little jiggle is able to chase it away, Shinji. Is it just anxiety?"

"I need to ask you an honest question, Misato. But I need…promises." He hated that he wasn't showing good faith, he hated that he was doubting her, but he knew he'd hate himself more if he asked and she acted. Almost as much as if he asked and she didn't have to. "I need you to not do anything…ill-considered."

Her scowl returned just as quickly as it had left, "Like jumping off a building?"

"Am I really someone you want to emulate? Does my life, and the things that happen to me, seem that appealing? I was listening to my teacher explain how anything can catch on fire, given the right temperature and energy source. So what, do you imagine, I saw?" He watched her close her eyes and swallow hard, "I kept asking myself if I could have saved her. If I had been faster, better. I know I could have stopped it from happening by moving her into my house. I even wanted to. Let myself be talked out of it. If I had known that the visions had meant the Tower, which is where I spend so much time I'd begun to think of it as a second home, I might have had the Engineers check there instead. But I can't be sure if it would have mattered if I had run faster, if I had…if I had bonded Hikari sooner, gained the insight into the dead realities that live in mine and Lilith's brains. I'm beyond fast now. I can almost move between spots instantaneously. I can run up a vertical surface, I'm so fast. But if I fell down holding someone…I would be fine. They, however, would be subject to normal physics. So I would have killed her by just jumping as the sudden stop at the end of the freefall caused her internal organs to tear free and her bones to shatter. So how do I get down? As I sat up on the ledge contemplating that, I realized that Lilith can't cause _others_ to disappear. Only herself. So if she floated down with everyone, instead of taking the lengthy trip down the stairs, how many questions would be asked? How many people would wonder just what was going on? Which brings everything back to the beginning. I couldn't save Noelle, or Christie, or Kaz, or Green…because of secrets."

"Shinji, if we revealed Lilith's existence to the world, we'd never be able to maintain funding. People would riot. There would be mass panic. 'Alien' life, as they would consider it, would be all around them. They'd jump at shadows, it'd be chaos." Shaking her head, she clenched his shirt in her hands, "Noelle dying was a tragic accident that-"

"Lilith, Tabris, or Creation caused," Shinji interrupted forcefully. "No fire burns that hot, that quickly, in that environment. NERV is notoriously cheap in many areas, but you would have to purposefully build a room to be that much of a deathtrap. I lost two friends, a co-worker…and a woman I loved…and I have a thirty three percent chance of being right when I crush someone into paste for that. Which leads me to more questions…and the promises I need from you."

Bunching and releasing his shirt several times, she tapped her foot against his knee, "What are we talking about, when you say 'ill-considered'? I'm not promising everything without getting something in return, and you're the one who's getting everything if I give you answers and assurances. It's not fair, Shinji, and you know it."

"I mean I don't want you going on a one-woman crusade, sneaking into NERV, and ferreting out secrets that people have kept from you." The memory of Kaji's voicemail haunted him, "I've already watched one person in this life kill themselves because they went too deep in the search for 'the truth', I don't need your blood on my hands too." He had to prepare himself for her being a part of the problem, "I…can't let you do anything that would…."

Shifting herself on her perch, well aware of what her physical actions were provoking but unaware of his suspicions regarding her legal actions regarding NERV, she pursed her lips thoughtfully, "An exchange, then. I'll answer one question, and you answer one question."

"I won't tell you someone else's secrets," he cautioned. "I'll tell you mine, but I won't share something that's not mine to share."

"Nor would I expect you to." Her eyes narrowed, thoughts flowing across her face as she calculated her curiosities and began to rank them by importance, "You can go first."

He decided the entire conversation might be incredibly short if he asked the biggest concern he had, "…Are you aware that General Benoit's killing people?"

"He's…no?" Her body stiffened, "Do you have proof?"

"I have a number. Between two hundred and thirty four and two hundred and forty four, according to at least two independent sources," he didn't want to give away everything, not if Misato wouldn't agree to keep herself out of it. "That's how many have been killed on his orders."

Her eyes saccaded as she thought through what she knew of the elderly UN officer's actions, "That's outside of his remit, at least…it ought to be. I can't say for certain I know how much legal authority he has to issue KOCs. I'll have to-"

"Do nothing," Shinji cut in. "You either promise me that you won't go against him or we stop talking right now."

Confusion grew on her face as she considered him, "Why would I go against him?"

Shinji joined her in the land of not understanding, "He's killing people? I was under the impression that our business was saving lives, Misato."

"He's killing SEELE-affiliated targets, I would assume," she shrugged. "I thought, when you said 'killing people', that he was himself murdering them. Directly, physically, with a knife murdering them. If he's issuing kill or capture orders, and has the legal authority to do so, whether or not I agree with him is irrelevant. If he's killing people who are trying to kill us? That's war, Shinji. It's not pretty, it's not nice, and sunny-eyed idealism gets a lot of good people dead as the bad people don't care about your morality."

His brow knit as he reconfigured his expectations of the woman atop him, "One of my sources feels he should be trying to bring them in for trials."

"If he can, sure, that's the 'or capture' part of the order you goof," her smirk showed she understood his concern. "If he's killing people extrajudicially, then yes. I would have a problem with that. I'll _carefully_ look into it and see what I can find without drawing attention to myself. If I'm asked, I'll say that you wanted to know what we were doing about SEELE and I didn't have a great answer one way or another. It's a natural concern on your part, and you come to me with things you're worried about…right?"

Tightening his grip on her hips, he tried to impress upon her his fear that she'd be discovered and harmed. As he went to speak, however, he found that she was helping him pull her against the area she rested upon. Which then reminded him that she was resting somewhere specific, and that his anatomy had reacted without his direct input and only vague approval, "I…uhm…."

"My turn to ask a question, I think." Slowly moving his hands from her hips up to her waist, she watched as the young man she'd been conflicted over projected his chaotic thoughts openly for her to see. It warmed her, to know that despite being literally surrounded by attractive women, all of whom were eager and willing to sate any needs he had, that she could turn his engine over so easily, "Ritsuko and Maya have been pressuring me to talk to you about how we feel about each other. Asking me hard questions, and not allowing me to put my head in the sand and ignore," flexing her thighs, she worked herself against him lingeringly, "compelling evidence." His blush soothed her heart, "Why?"

Misunderstanding her question, he refused to lie or dither any longer, "Because I love you." She froze, her physical actions coming to a screeching halt as she heard him say with complete and total sincerity the words she'd never thought she'd hear in that tone of voice from anyone. Misreading her posture, he moved to defend himself, "I know I shouldn't, I know I'm surrounded by a bunch of wonderful, world-class, women now. If it were up to me, I'd be with one woman…maybe two…spirits help me, I couldn't leave Suzuka, so three…." Closing his eyes he let himself go slack, "Kodama is so happy now, I can feel her returning to the woman I first met. All of this stress has been killing her, and to see her smile again…four. Not that I could leave Rose. She's a part of me. They're all a part of me. That's just it," taking his hands from her waist, he scrubbed his face, "anymore it'd be like asking which body part I want removed. Sure, go ahead and take the hand. I don't need it. Or my liver, that's mostly useless, right?" Settling his fingers on his chest, he tried to keep himself from touching the woman before him, "Somewhere along the way, what I want stopped mattering. Love crept up and chewed through whatever ropes anchored me to sanity, and now I find myself using the lessons you taught me about tactics and strategy to plan out how I'm going to make certain that Nicki is offered the same chance to figure out how we feel about each other that I gave Kodama. That Akane and Mikoto aren't forgotten while I'm dealing with what Kelly is suffering through. I can't hide how I feel from people, and I really can't hide how I feel from those tethered to my soul. They know I love you, I feel it every time I look at you. How they're not clawing my eyes out in jealousy is beyond my ability to fathom, how everyone in my house has managed to retain the peace is beyond even that." Answering her question almost accidentally, he let out the last piece of information, "And since, in a cosmic display of irony, my love has the potential to carry a death sentence it appears…I get the feeling Ritsuko and Maya love you too. I know Hikari is fond of you, as irritated as you two have been with each other from time to time, she said so herself before I came to get you. Kodama thinks you could probably help her get everyone to unwind better, but she's a lot like you…used to be, before you began taking everything seriously. Kind of glad she doesn't drink, like you used to. Rose just told me to tell you to stop dragging your feet, which isn't helpful to you. Her species has weird biology. Around sixteen to seventeen women born to every one man. I know from…memories, that their biology is nearly identical to ours, which means there is a quirk in the male portion of the populace that causes them to induce that trait, to say nothing of the pregnancies only occurring once every so many cycles. You'd think it would be selected against, but here we-"

Stopping him by taking both of his hands and placing them on her breasts, Misato clenched her jaw, "Shinji, ask me another question." Her eyes told him that he was rambling, and that she had something she wanted to know. True to the woman he admired, however, she wouldn't break the deal she'd crafted herself.

He wanted to know how she felt, but he had obligations. He had to know what she was, _who_ she was, "Who killed Toji-san?"

"The Japanese government sent a specially appointed official to administer the drugs that put him to sleep, then others that stopped his heart. I never asked his name, I don't need to know it," her eyes trailed over to the room she'd left as it stood when Rei last was in it. "I wanted to kill him myself. Badly." She looked back down to him, "But I'm not that woman. Just like you aren't that man."

Her song screamed at him that she was understating things. The woman atop him wanted the child who had killed Rei _dead_. She'd wanted his skull in her hands as she crushed it in her grasp. It was quite possibly one of the first times Shinji had ever honestly felt a wrath similar to his from another…entity. He couldn't let it go unchallenged, "Misato, he wasn't-"

"I can only hope he wasn't the same vile monster where you come from," she cut in ruthlessly. "Shinji, we are at war. We are fighting for the survival of the _species_. He prioritized his own life over every other life on this planet, knowing we were all in the middle of combat operations. He didn't warn anyone about the trap that he _had_ to know was there, _during combat operations_. He didn't sit down and quit the field like he should have after we ordered him to, after we offered him the opportunity to come in unharmed. He attacked Rei and Asuka. He attacked your wingmen. He sided with the Angels, with the supposedly rogue military commanders, and those are just the crimes he was charged with to start. Had he been 'accidentally' killed by Asuka, Rei, or you? Nobody would have batted an eyelash. Misbehavior in the face of the enemy gets people killed in war, and summary executions for that misbehavior are considered legal by the United Nations Unified Laws of Armed Conflict after the Valentine's Treaty. That he was put before a tribunal was a courtesy, it wasn't a legal necessity. Again, after Second Impact we have the legal right and the moral obligation to execute someone, anyone, who threatens to destroy mankind. General Benoit's team investigated and he admitted to cooperating in learning how to pilot, specifically to get to _you_. SEELE and Perfume taught him how to destroy us, told him he was going to destroy us, and set him forth to destroy us. When he got here? He tried to destroy us." Sizing him up, she rolled forward and forced him to accept her laying face to face with him, not releasing his hands, "Sakura never told you, and you would never think to ask. But the day of the Third Angel? The things he did? That was nowhere near the worst of the things he'd done to her. Toji Suzuhara was a monster, Shinji. He died a self-centered traitor to humanity, condemned by a military tribunal as the enemy combatant he acted as, sentenced to die by the UNHC, the UN Armed Forces, your commander, and his own government. He was a weapons component that did not have the tiniest fraction of the character you have shown, and nowhere near the degree of self-sacrifice on top of that. No one was going to give him _another_ chance. He shouldn't have been given the first second chance. He should very much have not been given the third chance. Had we put him in the maximum security wing on base, he _might_ have not been kidnapped. Had we treated him like a loaded gun with a hair trigger, instead of hoping for the best of humanity at large, we'd still have Rei." Her gaze hard, she hit him with the final blow, "Yes. Legally you are a weapons component. It is because you sacrifice willingly that you are given the human rights you have been afforded. Because you have never once shown anything but the best of humanity that the UN aren't insisting that you never leave base. They will never be willing to treat anyone capable of bonding with an Eva with kid gloves anymore, not after _Toji Suzuhara_ showed them what could happen if you or Asuka go 'wrong'. That little visit by the nice German lady? That was as much to determine how much of a threat you were as it was to sue for peace. You, not that you would have been told by Kozo, managed to walk the UN High Command off a very high ledge. So take the win, Shinji. You managed to unfuck a situation that you insisted be allowed to reach the point it did by arguing for Toji Suzuhara every time he fucked up."

As Misato shoved herself up off of him, walking away to force herself to cool down, Shinji remained staring at the same empty space her eyes had occupied. His mind kept bringing up counterarguments, and his former guardian's words crushed them without remorse or regret. He himself knew, Asuka knew, and Rei had lived as if they were all just…weapons. He used the fact that he was a conscript to get her here, because it was true. The UN, the overriding governing body for the entire world after Second Impact, had two choices: force him to fight, or die in either Instrumentality or by the Angels. He'd said himself to Asuka, they accepted a paycheck to fight. The paycheck that was a 'nicety' to make the common citizen feel as if they weren't ungrateful, and not a requirement considering everyone would die if he didn't fight. His pay had increased as he accepted not only responsibility but performed capably. He'd said it himself to Raffle, and Idunn, before he went to the Fleet, he either did what he was asked or he'd get nothing, and Hikari would not have had the surgery. His father, the first time, knew he'd come back each time he ran away. He had suffered. He had done his duty. …He had 'misbehaved' before the enemy more than once in his first life. Solitary confinement was light punishment, all considered. If he had actually followed through on his threat after the Thirteenth Angel, nobody could have stopped the UN from insisting he be put down like a rabid dog. "I…I really am an idiot."

"You're an idealist," Misato countered, her voice tightly controlled. He could feel her emotions still screaming to be unleashed, love and anger and hate all snarling and snapping at each other. Despite this, she continued to fight to not allow that to be the driving force between them, "High-minded ideals are wonderful things, Shinji. But they will always be the first things to die when the survival of the species is at stake. I'm…sorry." Turning back around to face him, she waited for him to sit up, "I didn't mean to make it seem like you are responsible for Rei-chan. You love her, just like I do, and you're just trying to be a good man. I just wish I could let you be that man, Shinji, but…I won't let you ignore reality and pretend there was any other way this could have ended. Humanity must place its survival over everything. Even you. Even me. And certainly over someone who'd actively try to kill the only hope of survival."

"I was acting childishly," gaining his feet, he tugged at his ponytail. "I forgot what Kozo told me when he moved me in with the Horaki family. I've been an employee of NERV since Unit-01 became active. That would mean that _he_ was an employee since Unit-03 was given his mother's soul. I could have pieced this all together myself…I just…never wanted to. I wanted to cling to naïve notions of 'fair' and 'right'…forgetting that the world we live in is neither."

She made an attempt at humor, hoping that there wasn't as much damage done to her standing in his eyes as she worried there might be after she pierced through his rose-tinted glasses, "If it was fair, we would have met in college. You would have been a much better boyfriend than…."

 _Than Kaji. You two never turned out well with one another._ "That…actually didn't turn out terribly." His eyes grew distant, "Even after Instrumentality…you were the first one to come back from the Ocean of Souls, other than me obviously. The first woman to see the brave new world I'd created for everyone." A blush grew on his cheeks, "We did…get caught, though. Asuka was enraged that we were…uhm…on the beach…where everyone could see."

"She's always been a bit of a prude," Misato's eyes glittered at the way he was torn between grinning at the memory and retaining his typical slight frown. "Doesn't shock me that she had a problem with us 'celebrating'."

"To be fair," his grin became pained, "she had been actively attempting to draw me away from you. We loved each other, you and I, but we fed the worst habits of each other too." He sighed, shaking his head, "It's all wrong, Misa-chan. I'm…I love everyone. I wasn't kidding, if I-"

Stepping before him, she covered his mouth, "If I asked you, right now, to make love to me…would you?" She held her hand where it was, forcing him to think about his answer, "Would you look me in the eyes as you did, and tell me with total honesty that you loved me," she tapped his chest with the forefinger of her free hand, "in here?" Slowly lowering her impromptu muzzle, she set her heart out front, "Don't lie to me, Shinji. I'm trusting you to be the man I know you are."

"I love you, Misato. But I can't be completely honest and say that I know for certain it's not because Creation is forcing me to." He shrugged, lost, "I barely know what love is to begin with, I know that what I feel for you is the same thing I felt in so many other lives. I'd…ache, hurt in ways that I have no words to describe, if something happened to you. If it was you, and not Noelle, I'd be just as desolate. But is that preprogrammed? If you love me-"

"I do," she asserted, before motioning for him to continue.

"That, then, you love me…is that actually you?" Reaching out and cupping her face with his hands, he swallowed, "I've been saying this the whole time, and now it turns out I might be right. You…all of you, are likely being forced to love me."

Her snort of amusement continued her trend of surprising him, "I don't buy it."

"I was told-"

"Why would Creation, or god, or whatever you want to call it, go to all the trouble of _forcing_ people to love someone who is so easy to love?" She started to toy with his shirt, "You don't need to make kittens cuter, they're already adorable. You don't need to make sex more enjoyable, it's already a good time. You don't need to make water more wet, Shinji. I love you, because I love _you_. The trappings are nice, yes, but it's this," she pounded his chest over his heart, "that even opened the door to me considering this," she waved between the two of them. Watching as he absorbed the information, categorizing and calculating, her smile faded towards grim resolve, "You promise me one thing, and I'll agree to stand with you forever. Never, ever, cheat on me."

He grimaced, "I…have a lot of wives, Misato."

"I mean nobody outside of this insanity, you dork," popping him on the chest again, she laughed. "I fully intend on taking you and Rits into a room at some point and reliving my college days. You keep it in your pants, or…well, inside the house's pants, and I will fight with you till the end. Creation, or Angels, or aliens, or whatever else. But I won't…I can't live through what Kaji did. Not again."

"Can you find a way to help with that?" His laugh was dry, "Every time I say 'No more', Creation, or Lilith, or…whatever, throws more on me. More troubles, more trauma, more women, I can't get it to-"

Nicolette's voice cut into his thoughts, _Shinji!_

He felt the change in the blonde agent's song nearby, the fear and the readiness to go down fighting. Faced with the possibility of losing another he loved, Shinji chose the simplest course of action and ran through the nearby dividing walls between the apartment he was in, and Nicolette's. Cheap plaster and lumber crumbled and splintered, appliances and fixtures reduced to slag, nothing between him and his goal remained more than mist before his will. Less than a fraction of a fraction of a second after she'd called out to him, he stood between her and, "Tabris." His guard was set and ready to contend with whatever may come, _Stay behind me Nicki._ He could make out something lying nearby, but didn't want to lose focus on the threat, "Diplomacy seems to be lost on you, doesn't it?"

The silver-haired man smiled gamely, "I would contend, my dear man, that I actually have too great a fondness for it. Had I not bothered to torment your semi-animate chattel there, I might have succeeded here." Lazily moving his eyes towards where Misato could be heard approaching, his smile became fey, "But, then again…."

"Move, and I'll kill you," _Suzi, please tell me you're armed_. _Rose, defend the house. If necessary, evacuate everyone._

 _When am I not?_ The swordswoman's response brought to mind the fact that even while they were 'compromising', she always kept her preferred weapons near to hand.

 _I'm bringing my people down,_ [Song], Rose didn't seem pleased that she was being left on defense, but accepted the plan as it was. _Nothing will pass our line._

"Oh, but I love making people choose, Shinji Ikari." The subtle tension in his muscles showed his hand, "You can't be in two places at the same time, and I'm between you and the useless womb. Make your choice, good sir. The one who might bear your heirs, or the one you've loved from afar."

 _Here's the plan, defend Nicki, I'm focusing on Misato._ Having sent his living weapon her orders, he summoned both spear and woman, _Suzuka._ Launching himself to intercept Tabris as the lightning arrived, Shinji felt the comforting weight of his armament as he charged.

Irritation grew on the Angel's face as he realized he'd lost the gamble. Flying backwards through the door to the outside, he glared hatred at Suzuka, "You're interfering where you don't belong. I have no need of your death, Weapon."

Shifting his momentum to continue blocking possible routes to Misato, Shinji once more decided to go through the wall instead of the door, _Keep flanking him, I want to harry him out of the city. Too many casualties possible here. Nicki, get Misato and get to the Manor!_

The cup-sized agent's voice was laden with grief, _Shinji, I can't leave the scene. We have casualties. Focus on your fight, trust your partner._

Tabris soared off the exterior walkway, floating rapidly down to the ground below. Both Shinji and Suzuka took the same route, though with less floating and more aggressive falling involved. As the son of Adam reached the street, he turned and began to run in the opposite direction of the manor house, towards the outlying hills and forests where it might be easier for him to lose them. Giving chase, both weapon and warrior began to doubt the wisdom of their course.

 _Suzi, are we heading towards a trap? Why did he retreat?_ Bounding over a stream, Shinji kept his pace to his wife's, not wanting to blunder into anything ahead alone.

Suzuka's mouth was a hard line, _Why would he attack right next to where you were?_

He hated to split his forces further, but he had no choice, _Go back. Defend Nicki and Misato. This is bait._

 _I despise that you can summon me, as it means allowing you to run where you may._ Bouncing off a nearby building and flicking a gift to him, then rebounding off a lamppost to correct her direction, she sprinted away, _Be safe, dear heart. I do not desire to be the sole parent of our daughters._

Catching his knife, he latched it to his belt and twisted his body around to launch his spear at the Angel of Free Will's unprotected spine. Having guessed the result, Tabris tucking into a roll much as he himself had when Israfel had used the same attack, Shinji banished his spear before it impacted anyone or anything else. The move had never been intended to work offensively, only to close the gap between him and the man he pursued. Freed of the fear that Suzuka might be directly attacked herself, he committed to charging forward. He trusted the Aspects to protect him, and he wanted the animal before him dead.

On and on the pair ran, quickly leaving the city behind and reaching the forested mountains. With the lack of military response, he presumed that there was either a breach in NERV's communications with the military, or that the operators of the drones had once again lost the two smaller targets. His momentary inattention was nearly fatal, the memories of several lifetimes cooperating to save him as he jumped straight upwards, allowing…. _Another clone?_ Twisting his body, Shinji managed to avoid the lunging attack, though he couldn't avoid his original target as it had reversed its course and smashed into him bodily. Bouncing off of the ground, and more than one heavy boulder, the man who was Unit-01 came to a stop braced against a thick tree trunk in a grotesque mockery of his last trip into this forest.

"Oh dear," both clones of Tabris said at once. "Is this the point where we hold you at sword point and demand a kiss?"

Shaking off the daze, Shinji gained his feet and readied his knife, "Not interested." Warily watching as his foes split apart, slowly walking to force him into a pincer, he backed up at an angle to try and counter their motions, "What happened to working together? One would usually consider death something of a barrier, at least traditionally."

"Well you see," the first clone giggled, disappearing behind a tree.

The second took that opportunity to sprint forward into an all-out assault, "If we kill you, we can reabsorb Father." Slashing down with the edge of his hand, the clone didn't flinch as Shinji deflected the attack with his knife, gauging a deep rent in his flesh. A follow-up rabbit punch with his off hand, then a knee and kick combination drove Shinji right into the expected clutches of the first clone.

"If we reabsorb him, we'll have all of our siblings!" The first swung in with a far too showy roundhouse kick that was clearly intended as a feint, setting Shinji up for the second low sweep that would have cut his base out from under him, "We could then just do everything ourselves."

Cutting off Shinji's attempted escape via a back handspring, the second clone delivered a punishing two-fisted strike to his solar plexus, "We'd rather work through you. There's oh so much more we could do with your memories, but you've not allowed us to do what we have to do to remove you from _her_ grasp."

Thankful that he didn't actually have to breathe, Shinji pushed himself back up as quickly as he could. He'd heard the crack of his rib as Tabris' punch landed, the bone knitting back together was unpleasant but welcome, "Killing Nicolette really wouldn't inspire me to work with you." Backing away once more, he stalled for time. _Suzi, I really need some firepower where I am. I need Nicki and Misato somewhere safe, I'm outnumbered two to one here. If there's two, there could be more._

Suzuka's response was neither dispassionate nor eager, _Sacrifices must be made in war. Summon me, allow them to fend for themselves._ She paused, _There are badly wounded here, husband. The scene is infested with both agents and medical workers._

He couldn't leave that many people without protection. If Tabris was willing to kill bystanders just to get to Nicki, he'd not balk at dozens or more bodies to accomplish his goals. _Damn it_. Shinji's oath was cut off by a renewed assault. The leading punch was deflected by a hasty shield, Sahaquiel taking much of the damage for him. The act freed him to twist past the second clone's follow through, slashing it along its stomach with his knife and leaving a gaping wound from sternum to kidney behind.

"Oh no!" The first feigned panic, "You've cut me…him…us?" Frowning at the rapidly healing lookalike, he sighed, "This language is so limited. How do we appropriately imply the context of a unified mind in two vessels? It isn't a common-" Whatever else was to be spoken had been preempted by an enormous boulder smashing through the space he'd occupied, leaving only the one clone in Shinji's sight.

"I tend to use singular pronouns myself," Lilith dusted her hands off, walking with sultry anger towards Shinji from where she'd launched her projectile. "In the end, they're all me anyway." Picking a clod of dirt from her would-be paramour as she reached his side, the Second Angel smiled in apology, "Sorry it took me so long, Lover. The third clone didn't want to die, so I had to convince him it was in his best interest."

Heaving the massive rock off of his body, the first Tabris growled, "What is it about this accursed form that forces me into this useless banter?" Pops and cracks sounded as his body reformed itself, "If this is what it means to be a Lilin, it's little wonder you've been losing to the Judges all these years, Old Hag."

No matter what else she might be, or what she might have done, Shinji could not rightly state in his mind that Lilith wanted him dead. _The enemy of my enemy…._ Trusting that she would know his mind, he set his footing and made his move, "Castling!" The Matron of Night jumped up to and off of his back, using him as a springboard as he took the offensive, moving crosswise against his assault to continue her own against the target of her initial salvo. Without sparing a glance to see her motions, he dedicated himself to eliminating at least one of the clones.

In a one on one encounter, the match was far from even. Tabris may have been an Angel in a cloned body, powered by some dark science that bordered on magic, but Shinji Ikari was wrath made flesh. Standing before him was the cause of much of his pain, of many lives lost. A leading jab with his heavy knife faded into a looping slash, followed by a stutter-step into a knee to the stomach, then a cross-body blow. Instead of individual moves, Shinji made use of countless lives where the premier warriors on Earth had beaten into him the one universal truth of man to man combat: if you aren't attacking, you're losing.

"We can-" The clone's words were cut off by a strike at his groin. "This isn't-" His head snapped back as Shinji smashed the hilt of his knife against his temple. "Why don't we-" A gagging cough terminated that thought when the follow-on elbow took out his throat. Worry began to color his song, the realization that he had already been warned that diplomacy was to be attempted before combat sinking in. He had come in still expecting to face a mortal. Enhanced, enraged, but still a mortal.

No mortals were to be seen in the forests of Chūbu that night. The Paladin fought with the blessings of the spirits who stood watch around him, and there could be no other outcome than what happened next. Turning his opponent's head with a backhand, he grabbed Tabris' throat and tore him free of the ground. With a roar born of the darkness he fought to keep hidden away from those he loved, Shinji swung his victim overhead in a high arc, then crushed his skull against the ground beneath his feet. Without wasting a single instant, he then proceeded to stomp repeatedly until it reverted to a pool of LCL. Flicking his blade end over end towards the more masculine of the two Angels remaining, he turned what was already a fairly one-sided engagement into a total rout.

Lilith capitalized on the impact of his knife against the first clone. As it buried deeply in his back near the spine, she slapped aside Tabris' aborted punch and drove her fingers through his chest and into his heart, twisting it free of the body and reducing her opponent to another puddle of goo. A look of vague disgust crossed her lips as she daintily wiped the varying fluids from her hand, "Really. 'Old Hag', he says." Gingerly retrieving Shinji's blade, she presented herself to him with her arms held wide, "Do I _look_ either old or hag-like? I don't even have wrinkles when I raise my eyebrows, thank you very much."

"Last chance," thunder rolled in the distance as Shinji glared at the woman before him, "how many of my friends have you killed?"

"From whose perspective?" If she was afraid, it showed neither in her song nor her tone, "Shinji…let's talk." Holding the pommel of his blade between her fingers and thumb, she walked slowly over, her flesh jiggling enticingly, "No threats. No outsiders. No histrionic drama." Stopping at a point where he could reach out and take the blade, she sighed, "Just talk."

Drenching the woman before him, and the weapon she held, with a torrent of warm water, he held his glare firm while retrieving his now-sanitized blade, "I need to go home. He could attack again." He didn't want to kill her. He didn't want to kill _anyone_. He knew it, and she knew it.

"Not for some time yet," she raked her fingers through her dampened hair, eyeing him in irritation. "I've been hunting him down. I was being honest when I said I killed the third clone, and you know it. It was approaching NERV, I believe intending to strike at your dear Idunn. I might have mislead it before I ripped its head free of its torso, saying I wouldn't allow it to distract me from protecting little Nozomi." Her hand gestured to the two evaporating puddles of LCL, "Clearly these two didn't expect me to track you down to lend you a hand."

"There are likely more, if there were three," turning to walk away, he sheathed his knife. "If I'm here, I'm not where they are."

"I've killed dozens," reaching his side easily, she kept her pace to his. "I can't feel any others for thousands of miles. They're fast, but they're also limited. Wherever this cloning facility is, and I'm almost positive it's somewhere to the west on the mainland, he can't produce as many as I'm sure he'd like anymore. I'd give it several weeks before he has any in position to make it past the border patrols, the detection network, and your and I's ability to sense him." Dancing a few steps ahead, she began to walk backwards and clasped her hands together, "Please, let's talk. I swear, I will present you my head myself if he has managed to sneak any more duplicates past us. Any harm by his hand to your ladies while we talk, and I will impale my throat on your spear."

The sudden mental image of her engaged orally with his manhood brought a small blush to his cheeks, "Is everything sex to you?"

"Yes?" She frowned, a rather cute display, "Lover, you've known me long enough to know that for truth."

Looking down at her, he slowed to a halt. _Stand down. I've managed to eliminate these clones. Lilith…says that there aren't any others, and I doubt she's working with Tabris. Suzi, do what you can for Misato and Nicki. I'm,_ he sighed in resignation, _I'm going to try and get some answers._ After receiving confirmation that the plan would be enacted, he willed Bardiel to wrap the achingly beautiful being before him in a pleasant peasant dress so that he need not feel as if he was ogling her, then he rubbed the heels of his hands against his eyes, "Fine." The feel of her lips against his as he closed his mouth caused him to tense up.

"Thank you," her finger trailed down his chest. "For the dress." As he opened his eyes, she stood smiling with fond sorrow at him, "A name, and now a gift…you've given me more in mere months than any other has ever gifted me." Holding the skirt out, she turned charmingly to show it off, "I truly wish you would let me love you as I do. That you would let go of the poison barbs your society and history have placed in your mind."

He did love her, and that was what hurt so badly, "It would help if you answered my question."

"Conservatively rounded I have killed so many of your friends that the number itself has no sensible representation in the human mind," her song echoed with complete honesty as she ceased moving, folding her hands before her lap, the vision of a perfect housewife. "By destroying the multiverse, by forcing Creation's hand, my actions have led to innumerable deaths of not only your friends, but other versions of you. I am, and remain, a nigh omnicidal murderess. If you think to judge me by human morality, then you must accept your own fault in this as my accomplice. Because once I found you…there was no going back."

"…We can bring them back," the shadows in his mind would not be silent. "We can, I don't know…recreate everything."

Her smile was brittle, "No. We cannot." Pointing to his head, she shrugged, "Those are no more than fragments of memories. Dead visions of a past that existed in realities that will never again come to pass. We have upended the established order, and Creation will not sit idly by and allow us to repeat old mistakes. Whatever you made, it would be entirely new paths. They may cross the same thresholds, but it would not be the same people."

She was telling the truth. "Then what have you been doing? Wasn't all of this to overthrow the 'established order'?"

"Yes. But not on the level you would attempt by reversing what I've done." With an unthreatening gesture, she indicated a nearby fallen log for them to sit upon, "Come…sit with me."

Moving slowly towards where she'd pointed, he kept his focus on the conversation, "How is that different?"

"Because," she waited for him to sit, then deposited herself on his lap, her wrists alongside his neck and her legs coyly tucked up beside her, "Creation has already accepted that whoever wins our little spat will begin everything anew. If Tabris wins, everything dies. If the Judges win, stasis reigns. If I win, we begin to explore what lies beyond the Boundary and seed life throughout all of Creation." Her eyes glowed as she relaxed, "If you win…."

He waited for her to finish the thought, "If I win?"

"To be honest, I don't know beyond what I've already told you. Creation doesn't spell things out so clearly that I could say. In you, it has a plan that has taken shape, but that plan relies on you gaining free will at some point. Free will rather negates the entire concept of 'a plan', unless that _is_ the end result it desires." Her lips pursed as she considered everything, "Whatever it is, however, it relies on you gathering those women capable of filling out the roles."

"Didn't you bring me back to be a part of your plan?" Her smell was intoxicating. Her presence working its way into his mind.

"Wars are often fought over the same resources," she shrugged simply. "Your actions have aided my victory, and ever since you promised me equality I have worked towards _our_ victory. You seek balance, throughout Creation. You want the Judges to have a chance to peacefully coexist with us. You want Adam's wayward children to be free to exist. So long as they remain peaceful…I will help you see peace."

She was sitting perfectly still. She was doing nothing more than existing. He wanted to push her down onto the forest floor and claim her. "By forcing me to take on more women? You claim that it's Creation drawing them in, that you did it to spare me pain. I promised you equality, and you've not acted as an equal."

Her eyes became hurt, "Lover, I watched you die inside as you considered the empty shell of the imperfect replica of my glory. I see you repressing still the tragedy that was the fire which claimed your friends. I want you to look me in the eyes and tell me truthfully that you would not die a little more every day following yet another death of one of those women. Had Tabris succeeded, and the Korean joined you, Akane's death would have been certain. A snake in the garden, and one of the Flowers of New Eden torn up by the roots. I am caring for my equal, and am growing tired of being accused of doing anything but. I told you I would never hurt you again, and by not acting I would have allowed you to become far more pained. You may disagree with my methods, but you cannot deny my ends."

"Can I tell Creation that I'm going to kill Tabris as soon as I find him, and not…whatever those were?" Her lips were perfect. Her body flawless. "That I'd rather…I don't know, I'd settle for not having women be forced into loving me!" He hadn't noticed his hand slowly caressing her hip, "I can't let them die, but the only way to save them is to take away their freedom forever."

"You want to negotiate with a physical constant?" She looked at him as if he had suddenly gone daft, "You'd have better luck convincing the sun to turn itself purple, you know that right? It doesn't care what we want. It doesn't care what we think. It is as far beyond you and I as we are beyond that penguin dear Misato lives with. I had to gift myself the power of every other version of reality to even stand a chance at guiding the creation of _this_ reality enough to bring you from where you were to where you are. Creation could have accomplished that much with a thought. So long as we're moving towards its ends, which from what I can tell includes spreading life and balance throughout all of Creation, nothing we say or do matters. Besides," as his hand cupped over her breast, she bit her lip and let out a small moan of pleasure, "they're not forced to do anything."

"Join with me forever or die is what most of us consider an ultimatum," both of his hands were now heavily involved in a very demonstrative show of his need to become one with her person. "Lili…Lily, I…."

"I have, not once, moved to reciprocate. I have sat here, and allowed you to begin to feel the compulsion they feel. Determinism, Shinji, means that some things are simply fated to be. You and I? We are inevitable. I've told you this, time and again, even as I've shielded you from it." Exercising her power, she freed his mind of the compulsion, "I can protect myself. You can protect yourself to an extent. They cannot protect themselves at all. Again…look me in the eyes and tell me that what you have been feeling is false. That it is anything other than your confused and slapdash morality that has stopped you from crossing that final boundary with me. We are, all of us, made to be what and who we are. They love you…just as much as you love me."

He hadn't moved his hands, her body filling them still causing small fits of joy to his mind. It was not a desperate cry for them to become one, not anymore, but it still rang in his soul. "They…feel this?" Everything she had said was true, her song never once speaking of a lie.

"Lust, love, affection, desire," she finally moved, settling herself so that she knelt astride him, "and more. You have been denying them something that they want, that they need. Something only you can gift to them. You were crafted for them, by Creation. You were changed by me, so that you and I could fight to give our children a place in Creation's halls. You are Creation's gift to them for their suffering. They are Creation's gift to you, for yours. Think, deep and hard, are you a good man because you choose to be good…or because Creation forced you to be a good man…and does it matter, when the end result is you," pulling her dress carefully over her shoulders to once more stand bare naked to the world, she lifted up to kiss him deeply, _are a good man._

His heart ached as he slowly gave in to her kiss. She was, by many definitions, evil. Selfish. The cause of a great deal of heartache and suffering. He could at that moment reach up and kill her. He was stronger than her, and any fight between them would quickly involve not only Suzuka but also the Aspects inside of his soul. She had gifted him the weapons of her demise, and yet she trusted that he would never employ them against her. He loved her. He loved her, and he wondered if someone who was 'good' would actually feel that way. Breaking off the kiss, he pushed her back as gently as he could while still forcing her away, "Your…uhm…." He knew his heart was pounding, the memory of how he felt without her protection still fresh, "Your actions may have justifications, but…but they still have consequences." He fought to harden his heart, "I…did not let Kodama act as she did without repercussion. Go and do what you can about Tabris. You helped me tonight…so I won't kill you." Setting her on the ground, he handed her the dress he'd made, "But every time I look at you I see Rei. That's not going to go away with a few kisses and the knowledge that Creation wants us to be together." Drawing on the darkness he knew lingered still, he stood tall, "There may yet be a path forward for us. But we've walked as far as I will allow tonight."

+++++ 14th Angel + 28: Tuesday (117)

His body felt heavy as he approached the apartment complex. After the temporary truce called between him and the woman he'd sworn he had said he would kill the next time he'd seen her, he had been able to garner more information on what had been happening. As the moon neared the horizon, another few hours before it set completely, the world around him was bathed in the false light of a manmade dawn. It seemed apt, after a fashion, _Suzi, I'm close by. Am I going to cause problems showing up right now?_

His wife's response was droll, _Do you ever cause anything but, dear heart? Stay where you are, I will come to you._ There was a lengthy pause, presumably as she excused herself from whatever she had been doing.

 _Nicki? Where are you?_ He couldn't feel the smaller woman's song nearby, _Are you all right?_

 _I'm at NERV, Jake took a pretty bad hit. He bought me time to call you…._ She sighed, _Filling out reports while I wait for word from the surgical team. Initial report says fifty-fifty he'll make it. I have no idea how I'm going to make this up to him._

Looking back up to the moon, Shinji pondered how to respond. She wasn't wrong, in that had she not gone to her apartment she might not have been targeted. But if she hadn't been targeted, would Misato have been? _Useless womb_. He scowled, _He didn't want to hurt Suzuka. He only targeted Misato after I intervened. He's afraid of the children I might have with Nicolette._ Motion drew his attention, his wife calmly walking towards him, "You and I need to practice with Rose. If I'm going to be fighting against two or more opponents more often, I need to train myself to react appropriately. Memories only help so much, without the physical responses matched up. I felt slow."

Reaching up once she stood before him, Suzuka set her hand against his cheek gently, "I would slap you, had I not sworn to never do so outside of training. You trusted one who is our enemy to watch your back, rather than summon me. Am I now worthless save as the incubator for your young?"

"I needed you to defend Misato and Nicolette." He refused to scowl at her, accepting her anger as what it was, anxiety and worry, "Rose was needed to make sure there was no one creeping up on the Manor. I trusted both of you to protect the women who can't defend themselves. Lily won't-"

"Is it now 'Lily' again?" His decisions were not mirrored in her mind, "Do we now expect her to come calling for little dalliances where she may find them?" She picked a stray, impossibly black, hair from his shirt and held it where he could see it against the glow provided by the nearby streetlight, "Do not mistake this as jealousy, _husband_. She poisons your mind and if I see her again I shall bleed it from you whether you will it or no."

"I…." He couldn't deny that she might be right, either, "I would not dare presume to control you, Little Deer." With the admission out in the open, he took her wrist in his hand tightly, "Only a fool would try to leash a typhoon."

 _Shinji?_ Nicolette's voice carried relief, _Docs say the first round of surgeries went well. They're upgrading him to guardedly optimistic._

"Jake will likely live," Shinji relayed the word to his wife. "I need to go. I need to check in with Nicki and let her know that as horrid an idea as this was, I don't want another Noelle on my hands. She's a part of…us."

Patting his cheek, his living weapon smiled fondly, "You are learning. Slowly, but you are learning." Recovering her hand from his grasp, she stood on her toes and pressed a quick kiss to his lips, "I will assist Misato-chan in transferring everything to the Manor. We will enlist the aid of some few Shirakami to move the rest of her belongings, and that odd icebox which houses the penguin." Turning back, she set her hips to swaying in the manner she knew drove him to distraction. If Lilith wanted a war of wiles for Shinji's lusts, Suzuka would give her war. The Second Angel was only one woman, after all. Shinji's wives were an army.

+++++ 14th Angel + 28: Tuesday (117)

As he walked into the waiting room, Shinji was greeted with an armful of blonde beauty. Catching her as she jumped up to be held close, he began the process of soothing both his and her anxieties. The smart dark blue business slacks she wore showed signs of having been on her person for far too long, the crisp pleats faded and the fabric wrinkled in places. Her suit jacket lay next to the tablet and keyboard she had been using for reports, leaving her in a form-fitted charcoal grey dress shirt that presented her pageant-winning athletic figure without reducing her professional demeanor. She was radiating penitence, and he needed to show her understanding.

Scooping her so that he held her in a bridal carry, he moved over to where she'd sat and deposited himself in her chair, placing her on his lap, and picking up her tablet and keyboard so she could work while he held her and they talked, "Multitasking." Acting as a living monitor stand, he propped the tablet where she could see it easily, "You work on filling things out, I remind you that we're a team. Deal?"

"…Deal." Taking a deep breath, she began to type as she spoke, "I am so used to being able to take care of myself, Shinji. I'm the one guarding Nozomi and Sakura, for pity's sake! The bad guys are supposed to fear us, we're armed, trained, and deadly." Closing her eyes and shuddering, she continued spooling herself back down, "Jake…may as well have been a toddler. I mean, I've seen you move. I've seen you and Suzuka go at one another. But until now, it just…."

"Weight classes," Shinji offered his own thoughts to help her understand. "You're not in Tabris' weight class, neither is Jake. On Earth, there are likely only…a few beings," he edited out the exact number to continue pushing himself to consider the gravity and depth of Lilith's crimes, "that could stand against one of him. Let alone the two that I had to contend with tonight. As much as I hate to admit it, we're lucky that Lilith was chasing them down. I don't know if I would have-"

Her fingers touched his lips, "Stop. You are not authorized to depart this station, not now, not ever." Brilliant eyes held fear as she looked at him intensely, "You win, Shinji. I don't care what you have to do, but you win and you come home." Returning her hands to her work, she looked away uncomfortably, turning her attention towards the screen, "I love you, and I don't want to…to…."

Setting the tablet aside for the moment, he held her close once more. She'd held in her tears, she'd stayed strong, and now that the threat had been dispatched and the costs were being tabulated, she was forced to come face-to-face with the fact that other than not going to her old apartment there was nothing she could have done to positively impact the outcome. She had been, and her fellow agent had been, completely at the mercy of a being that even Shinji couldn't take lightly. She didn't cry uncontrollably, her discipline and inner strength too great to allow herself to fall that far, but she did manage to soak the shoulder of his shirt quite well.

 _Hey kid,_ Akane's voice sounded in his mind, _we're coming up to the waiting area. Anything anyone need?_

Mikoto's was not far behind, _We're bringing coffee and pastries up, Shinji. We were informed that General Benoit is pushing people hard to explain how an apartment complex that most of his team lives in has now been assaulted twice in as many months. Looks like we'll be alone for a bit._

Including all three women in his reply, he pulled out the handkerchief Hikari had given him what seemed like millennia ago and handed it to the blonde on his lap, _I think some coffee and companionship is a perfect idea, ladies._ Watching as the blonde wiped away the tears, he grimaced, _I'm glad I don't have to see him right now. I'm not the best at lying, as you might be aware, and knowing that he's killing people to save people just…. It's an ugly business. I don't like it. And I'd rather focus on being here for Jake-san, and comforting my…girlfriends, while they cope with almost having lost a friend of our family._

 _So long as you recognize that your girlfriend is going to be rather upset with you for removing any chance of her recovering her security deposit,_ Nicolette's smile hurt him inside for how conflicted it was. _I'm not made of money, you know._

Switching to vocal communication to keep what he said as a gift to the woman on his lap, he continued to mortgage his soul, "I'll make it up to you." The beach volleyball trip reminded him of later events in that life, "Thanksgiving is back to back this year. We'll celebrate Labor Thanksgiving Day tomorrow as a family, and then we'll help you celebrate American Thanksgiving on Thursday. We," he took a bracing breath, "can call your family. Introduce…uhm, whoever you want to introduce."

"That's an odd way to punish me," nimble fingers toyed with the buttons of his shirt, his entire ensemble having been replaced on the trip back to civilization. "Shinji…Jake's in surgery because of me."

"Jake is in surgery because of _Tabris_ ," he corrected her gently. "Everyone's alive, and…I'm not going to hide anyone away. I am not ashamed of you, or of your presence in my life. If that means your mother tears into me for…leading you down the path of sin, then I'll just need to lift my chin and take my lumps."

"Why is it everyone else gets lap time?" Akane and Mikoto had entered the room quietly, the long-favored agent hamming up a put-upon sorrowful tone, "He never lets _me_ sit in his lap."

"You have a bony ass," Mikoto shrugged, perfectly willing to joke unmercifully with the one woman she knew would always have her back. Offering coffee to Nicolette, and tea to Shinji, she winked playfully, "And you're fat. Bad combination."

"I am a healthy weight for my height," Akane retorted, carrying on with her act. "Just you wait. When he goes to ravage my young, pure, body you are going to turn your skeletal ass sideways and disappear. Then I'll have him all to myself."

Nicki's smile wasn't honest, he could feel that the woman on his lap was forcing it so that she wouldn't be a drag on everyone, "That's if I let you have him at all, agent. I'm rather comfortable where I am, and likely will be for a long time." Taking a sip she cuddled into his arm, "For a very, very long time."

+++++ Author's Notes:

TripleF: RE: Creation.

Creation is one of those abstract concepts that becomes much clearer the more you understand its intent. The unfortunate fact for the actors, and even more unfortunate for the audience, is that Creation's motivations haven't been spelled out to anyone in a way that is easy to understand. There is a method to the seeming madness, but that method isn't what everyone might believe it to be.

SK: RE: Shinji making an ass of himself and me.

Countless lives at his fingertips, and he still doesn't use basic statistical analysis to make better decisions. That he allows panic to drive him is as much a sign of humanity as it is a character flaw. He's turned his fear into a driving force, and unfortunately he's also letting it hold the wheel.


	119. Chapter 119

+++++ 14th Angel + 28: Tuesday (117)

 _If we can trust her, it means we have a few weeks reprieve. Enough time to take out an Angel, maybe two. Eventually, he'll have to come out of hiding. He may be the Angel of Free Will, but even he can't fight this fate. Every life I remember where we reached Instrumentality, he fought, or submitted to death._ The crush of memories pressed in on him, and Shinji set his pen down to rub his face, hoping to force them away. The old teacher from Nebukawa was droning on, as was his wont, and that left Shinji and Hikari with nothing to do but appear studious while speaking silently. _Sorry. That period of time is almost universally brutal._

 _Clones._ Hikari's 'notes' consisted of ideas for names to offer for the forthcoming twins, _I suppose I shouldn't be surprised, after all poor Rei-chan was cloned too. The technology exists, it only makes sense that he would try to abuse it._

 _It's a shame that I couldn't, or didn't know how to, gather those fragments he gave to the copies I killed. In a bit of hilarity, this has never happened before. Not once have I fought an army of Angel clones._ Returning to his own 'notes', a series of encoded tabulations of what would be needed to produce the necessary meals for the next two days, he glanced up at the clock and immediately hated himself for it. _Somehow, I've traveled back in time again. Because I swear that the minute hand somehow moved backwards._

 _I wish I knew why Nebukawa-sensei fell back on old habits today, he actually had a streak of tolerable lessons going for a while,_ turning to make a check of her fellow students, she lingered on Yang and Tsuru after ensuring everyone else was pretending to pay attention. _Have you made up your mind on the others?_

Lilith's admonition, and the demonstration she'd provided, brought a new distraction to the fore. If that was what they were feeling, the deep-seated sense of need, of love and lust, he sorely doubted he would have managed to forestall intimacy had he not been given the protections he had been, _Have they asked everyone? I'm…I don't want to break the rules. But I also don't want to suddenly have Creation decide to throw someone like Kajima-san at us. We've been lucky so far that the women have been people we would trust Nozomi-chan and Sakura-chan with, I'm terrified that if we drag our feet…Creation will think I'd rather be with some…._

 _Skank?_ Hikari began a list of potential adjectives, _Whore? Women of loose morals?_

 _I was going to say 'less principled individuals',_ he eyed her sidelong, not entirely amused by her 'I said nothing wrong' smile. _One thing Ritsuko said, while she was…whatever she was, caused me to think about things. My moral values mirrored yours, back in the beginning. We both wanted our 'first' to be with each other. But that isn't why I love you, Hikari. You and I both know that Suzuka has had other husbands, and I don't treasure her any less for that. It wasn't that Kajima-san enjoys sex that bothered me, it was the way she went about presenting herself. It's like Maya said, Kajima-san didn't want a connection deeper than a few centimeters._

 _Well…more than 'a few',_ Hikari's voice purred in his mind. Catching his blush, she pressed her advantage, _You know…Maya, Rose, and I missed you last night. There was all sorts of…sharing, before you fought._ She tilted her head, the purr turning seductive, _Did you and Misato…share?_

 _No._ Pretending to scratch his head, he looked askance at her, _Why does your song suddenly sound disappointed?_

 _I wasn't just joking around in her car Shinji_ , the freckle faced beauty held a small grin. _I'm hoping that maybe I can make things up to her, and you, at the same time._ The sudden innocence in her gaze stood in contrast to the thick seduction in her song, _Why? Don't you think that might be…fun?_

+++++ 14th Angel + 28: Tuesday (117)

"You're kidding me," Kodama sat on the couch watching as Pen-Pen leaned heavily against the nearby fish tank. "You want to out-seduce what Maya has repeatedly referred to as 'an Avatar of Lust'?" Pitying the poor non-flying bird as he struggled to attempt a plan for invading what he must have felt was an all-he-could-eat buffet taunting him behind an impenetrable barrier, she clarified her position, "I'm not opposed, mind. I'm just at something of a loss as to the rest of the plan here."

Suzuka was rather impressed with the level of adaptive thinking on display by what she was coming to understand was not a 'pet' but simply another resident, "He's ignorant to the ways of love, Kodama-chan. We need to help him see the benefits of the life we have been presented with, as opposed to simply focusing on the detriments."

"I have firsthand experience that demonstrates he knows _a great deal_ about the ways of love," the busty nurse laughed. "You have two growing lives inside of you that support my position, if nothing else."

"Love, child, not sex." Tapping her sword against the floor, she emphasized the distinction, "He sees himself as responsible _for_ all of us, as opposed to responsible _to_ all of us. We, the five of us before the more recent additions, have fallen victim to the unrelenting madness surrounding us all. We have stopped engaging in physically demonstrative acts, stopped displaying the small things that make even friendships function. Was he not immensely happy when we all gathered to speak to one another recently? In tight clusters, yes, but all as one family, we showed him our care for one another."

"Right," Kodama nodded slowly, "but you just told me that we need to show a lot of affection. I _kind of_ like Maya. Ultimately, it may just be a deep friendship, but I'm kind of her mirror counterpart. She's a one man woman, and I'm a one woman woman. You're nice, and I'll never deny you're beautiful, but you don't 'spark' like she does. At least not right now."

"I am not vulnerable," Suzuka shrugged. "You are drawn to vulnerability, and Maya-dono is boyish in many ways. She has her appeals to you, and that is what I am asking us all to use. Many of us have those around us that we are willing to engage in displays of intimacy with. Hugging, or kissing, to whatever degree is felt appropriate by those participating," she held up her hand, "and appropriate with the proximity of the little ones, will show our husband that he is not the only path to our happiness."

"He _is_ a major part of that happiness though," she frowned, slowly understanding the plan. "We need to show him we can share. Not only him, or each other, but him _and_ each other. Which is why you came to me. We need to schedule dates out, an order, and not a specific day. Leave room for spontaneity, but also help him not feel responsible for _everything_." Surprised at the sudden appearance of claws on the end of Pen-Pen's fin, she watched as he ineffectively tried to cut through material that the Engineers had assured her would survive the house falling on it, "So who's up tonight? Are we welcoming Misato-san by showing her how the house works, after she comes back from work?"

The sad sight of Pen-Pen slowly beating a single flipper against the glass in defeat was an odd counterpoint to the hope Suzuka felt as she turned to consider the daughter of her former lover, "I think we might set up something of an experiment."

As Kodama listened to the ancient woman's plan, her smile grew ever broader. The now former Horaki was exceedingly pleased to see that she wasn't the only woman who felt that Shinji was a touch too…repressed. The evening would, with a little luck and a lot of work, turn out…engaging.

+++++ 14th Angel + 28: Tuesday (117)

"You're kidding me," Ritsuko looked around, verifying again that nobody was near. "Suzuka? The Suzuka with the sword? She said this?"

Maya nodded, not at all surprised that her former senpai didn't know her current lover anywhere near as well as she thought she had, "It's something I've been working on for months now, even before he and I were officially 'a thing'. Suzuka is just pushing more energy into the plan."

"But…me?" The former blonde pointed to herself, "I'm-"

"A part of all of this," the shorter woman put her foot down. "We have got to get out ahead of the curve, or Shinji is going to go under. Suzuka is not wrong in that Lilith _is_ lust. You've felt it, I've felt it, and I know for certain Shinji has been feeling it for months now, if not longer. We can either allow him to struggle against engaging with us as not only women, but _equal partners_ in this family, and hope that his naturally repressed libido holds firm, or we can show him that it is never a bad thing to come to any of us who are willing and ask for a refill on love so that he can approach her on his own terms."

"You mean sex," the doctor snickered.

Maya refused to rise to the bait, "I mean whatever he needs. If that means he and I putting on a show for all of you, then I hope you're ready to learn a few things about he and I. If that means having him curl up on the sofa with his head in your lap while we watch Nozomi and Sakura play, then that's fine to. But he is getting smacked around every time he tries to assert himself, and we need to step up and start shielding him."

"Are you…giving me the go ahead to flirt?" She tried to get a read on the woman before her, "I mean, you know I'm interested. Everyone does."

"His wives are giving you permission to feel out his boundaries, and him permission to feel out yours. Don't monopolize his time, but don't shy away from him either. The only way any of this is going to work is if we all work together and don't fight amongst ourselves. The alchemy at work is filled with explosive potential, but if we can manage everyone's personalities just right, we can pull him back from Lilith's grasp and force her to talk to him instead of flaunting her amazing rack and letting it do the work."

Frowning, Ritsuko straightened her spine, "There is nothing wrong with using my assets to draw attention my way." Crossing her arms under a chest that was more than adequately impressive, the scientist huffed, "I'll show you, tonight, how it's done."

+++++ 14th Angel + 28: Tuesday (117)

"So they sent you?" Misato's pen twirled in a tight double loop as she considered the pink-skinned beauty before her, "Are they uncomfortable with what might have happened last night before we were attacked?"

"Not that I'm aware of," Rose shrugged. "I know that I care rather little for who he pairs with, so long as he pairs within the Clan. He's long considered you family, though the precise definition of your relationship has been in flux. I'm rather comfortable approaching you about this, as it's both a matter for the Clan's health, and of military significance. He has to accept his role as [Song], has to embrace it. If he doesn't, then we'll be at a disadvantage if Lilith proves to be truly our adversary. To say nothing of the continued strain on his combat performance against who we know to be aiming to destroy your species." Her grin was cute, as she bunched her nose, "Besides, I think the two of you would make charming little ones. Your hair color mixed with his, adorable."

The sub-commander looked down, her pen spinning into her grasp as she focused back on the forms before her, "Yes, well that won't happen." Signing on the expense report for further work on Unit-02's battery capacity, she hated herself as the sting of forever being denied children of her own struck anew, "If he agrees to my request tonight, I'll do what I can to support the plan. I don't disagree, he needs more love in his life."

"I apologize," the ship's captain frowned in confusion, "I seem to have misunderstood something. Did I say anything inappropriate? I had thought the two of you would be eager to produce offspring. You're nearly as enamored with little Nozomi and Sakura as he is, you have great maternal instincts, when you allow them free reign."

"I lost the ability to have children after Second Impact. An infection from the wound I received when a piece of shrapnel cut me open. Don't worry, you said nothing wrong." Bracing herself for the typical polite niceties that people generally rained down on her head as they found out, she compared several notes to validate people had done their homework before bringing her the forms.

"Oh, if you'd like I can have my ship's doctor take a look?" Rose twirled a finger before her own womb, "My species has done a lot of research into reproductive medicine. With how compatible we are biologically, there's every chance that we might be able to reverse the damage. Can't say how quickly, or if it's even fully possible, but she's worked miracles in the past. When Shinji bonds you, you'll be a part of him and I'll be freed to act on your behalf." Holding out both hands, she stated the part she felt most important, "The test is non-invasive, don't worry. No probes or anything weird like that. I've watched a few of your species' old films, and you have some very…odd notions regarding interspecies dialogue."

Slowly looking back to the woman before her, Misato blinked as she realized Rose wasn't simply making idle chatter, "You…think something can be done?"

"We've managed to restore fertility to women who've been born without a womb," she shrugged. "Repairing one can't be all that much more challenging. Besides, my doctor is ecstatic with all the chances she's had to study humanity. This would be another feather in her hat, so to speak, and a chance for her to show Shinji how useful she can be long term." Smiling at what she thought was a happy end to a sudden pitfall, she pointed to the door, "If that has a lock, I can bring down the device now and she'll get the readings?"

+++++ 14th Angel + 28: Tuesday (117)

"Thank you for visiting on short notice," Shinji stood out in front of the school with Suzuki and Yumi. Having sent the three ladies who attended school with him home with the military, he made short work of his promise. "I'm happy to report that your son is looking excellently healthy."

"S-son?" The smooth-seeming warrior's hand twitched to take Shinji's sleeve before shoving itself in his own pocket to stop from being rude, "You're certain?"

"I recognize the song as it twines with Yumi-chan's." He was glad he could bring some good news for a change, "There was a bit of a congenital defect that was possible, his lungs weren't going to fully form, but Sandalphon and I have resolved that." Looking to the mother, he smiled hopefully, "Painless?"

His answer was in the form of an enthusiastic embrace, jumping up and down as she clutched close to him, "Thank you, Your Grace! Thank you, thank you!" The former actress laughed, tears mixing in for good measure, "I knew it was a boy, I just knew it!"

Not wishing to ruin the moment with thoughts of doubt, he held her close with one hand, and gestured to her with the other to indicate to Suzuki what he was referring to as he mouthed, 'It is yours'. The way the man's jaw hardened, clearly fighting back tears of his own, was all the thanks Shinji would ever need.

"Oh…oh my," Yumi stood up suddenly. "Are the," she looked around, then leaned in and whispered, "are the restrooms on the first floor easy to find?"

"Right through the main entrance, turn right, and they are clearly labeled," standing clear, Shinji moved out of the way of a woman who'd overexcited her bladder by bouncing happily. Moving back to the school at a much slower pace than her own, his former instructor and current sworn servant at his side, he asked a simple question, "Did you doubt? Honestly?"

"I always doubt, my friend," Suzuki's voice held no shame in the truth. "It is part of my job, part of my life. I am beyond happy that my doubts were unfounded, and I do not doubt your word on the matter. Of any human on Earth, you have never once lied with ill intent. If you say you know, then the matter is settled. You would not put me on, not in this."

"I'm honored to have your trust." Deciding to accept the truth, in whatever form it needed to take, he looked askance at his ally, "Why did you sabotage my practice knife?"

Shame chose that moment to cover him, and the lean warrior closed his eyes and turned his face away, "Two months on, I had rather hoped you hadn't pieced that together." Snorting out a sigh, he shook his head, "A fool's hope. You see far too much, and the move was as obvious as it was petty." Looking back towards his former student, now liege lord, he smiled ruefully, "Jealousy. My ex-wife looked forward to spending her mornings with you. She spoke so…glowingly, of your mistakes, of your accomplishments. There was _pride_ in you. Looking back, she was attempting to encourage me to view you as the surrogate son I could never gain through her. I…well, I had already broken my vows. I was pushing off onto her my own misdeeds, filling my head with visions of you and her 'sparring' in a much more intimate manner."

"She would never have done that," Shinji's reply was as confident as it was full of regret. "Perhaps later, after you were dead. But she would have held to her oaths, Suzuki. Of that, I have no doubt."

"Which is why she deserves you, my friend, and not someone like me." Holding the door open for Shinji, he gestured inside, "I am simply fortunate that Yumi is both forgiving, and understanding. I will pay for my error through remaining faithful to the mother of my son, and raising that son to emulate a much better man than I."

"You're human, Suzuki. I would rather you raise your son to be forgiving as well. He will meet many people, all of whom will have made errors at some point in their lives. Better that he look for ways they can help others recover, than forever focus on whatever missteps or pitfalls he himself might stumble across."

The Shirakami smirked at him, "You…are aware of the irony in that advice, my friend?"

"Believe me, I am."

+++++ 14th Angel + 28: Tuesday (117)

Arriving without having called ahead, Shinji hoped that Asuka was in a mood to receive visitors. The last he'd heard, she was working tirelessly on the odd voyage of self-discovery needed to regain whatever she considered 'normal'. Reaching her door, he could feel the imbalance of the song radiating outwards from his wingman. She was, without question, sorely displeased by something. The long-withered part of him that would have taken this opportunity to turn around and leave was squelched ruthlessly, and he hit the button that would announce his presence.

When the door slid open just enough for a hint of red hair and a deep blue eye to be seen, he smiled hopefully, "Bad time for a visit?"

Throwing the door open, she reached out, grabbed his shirt, and hauled him into the room. By the time he recovered his balance, having allowed himself to be manhandled so that she didn't harm herself, she was pressed against the closed door and eyeing him warily, "Who sent you?" Standing before him in what he knew was one of his shirts, and he hoped a pair of shorts beneath, she asked the question as if interrogating a spy instead of speaking to a friend.

"…No one?" Taking in the mess in her room, he recognized the telltale signs of Hurricane Asuka, "I thought I'd stop by, on my way to check on Jake-san. You haven't called, or responded to my text messages." Gauging that the woman before him likely hadn't seen the outside of the room they were in for some time, he switched around the order of the topics he'd intended to broach, "Why don't you come with me? We can make sure he's recovering, and then you and I can head to the Manor. I'm sure-"

"No." The answer was both emphatic and quick to be delivered, "If I go, she goes. If she goes, she'll try and work her way into your heart. If she works her way into your heart, you'll have yet another person in your soul. I have to protect you, which means keeping her away from you."

Frowning, he tried to puzzle through the possible responses he had before him. It was obvious that she continued to take her 'obligation' seriously. It was equally obvious that she had not been making progress on achieving normalcy. The way the room appeared, she was finding herself constantly interrupted by random thoughts or feelings. "You could protect me better by not risking your sanity or health," taking a step closer, he bent down and retrieved her hairbrush. "Why don't we-"

She snatched the brush from him, "Do you love me?"

"…Yes." Being honest seemed more likely to produce better results, she'd know if he lied.

"How?" Jabbing him with the brush, she leaned in and narrowed her eyes, "Be very specific."

"I'm…afraid I don't follow the question," finding his hands once more empty, he chose to place them in his pockets. "Perhaps you could clarify your meaning?"

Her eyes searched his, "No…."

 _Why do I get the feeling we're having two different conversations?_ Sighing, he tried to gamely play along, "When you are not around, I miss you. When you don't respond to my texts, I worry that I've upset you. When you don't accept my invitations to dinner, I worry that you're disappointed in me. Contrariwise, when you smile at me after I praise you or you praise me, I'm happy. When you tell me that you will fight with me until the end, I feel safe. When you touch me…I don't feel like you're going to hurt me anymore. I trust you, I rely on you, and…ultimately, I love you. If you were no longer around, I would be heartbroken. To this very second, I still can't fully accept Rei's death. I can't accept Noelle is gone. If anyone, _anyone_ , took you from me…I've already dedicated myself to hunting down Tabris and feeding him his own eyes. I'm fighting a losing battle against the part of me that wants to simply leave and go find him myself. Whoever, powerful or not, takes you from my side? Their death will terrify the spirits themselves, Asuka."

She scowled, as if his answer was given in a foreign language she had no knowledge of, "Describe me physically. Be very specific."

"Asuka, I-"

The hairbrush was jabbed into his gut again, accentuating each word, "Describe. Me."

Wishing beyond wishes that he understood women, in general if not the specific example before him, he complied, "Slender, with both hidden strength and demonstrated poise. Beautiful hair, when you brush it properly, charmingly mussed hair when you don't. Severe, expressive, eyes that confound me and yet illuminate so much when you choose to allow them. Neither curvaceous nor skeletal, your outline draws my eye in subtle ways. I've seen larger, or smaller, but never such as yours. The two times now I've caught a hint of your…bounty, I've had to slap myself mentally to stop from looking again. When you're in your plugsuit…you are a wonder to behold."

Again the answer confounded her, "So…you would have sex with me?" The bristles of her weapon were displayed ominously, "No lying."

"That answer depends on so many-"

"Climb in my bed, right now," she jabbed him. "Strip."

 _Right. I think we've reached the limits of diplomacy._ Disarming her easily, he picked her up and set her forcefully on the piece of furniture she'd intended him to adorn then borrowed one of her favored phrases from one of the few 'successful' marriages they'd had, "Asuka Langley Soryu, what in the _bluest_ of blue hells are you going on about?" Glowering at her, he noticed through his peripheral vision that she was, in fact, not wearing anything but a pleasantly blue set of silken panties. Flicking his hand out, he adjusted his, now her, shirt to cover that over.

"I would _prefer_ to be on top," she scoffed, snatching the hairbrush back and raking it through her hair in an effort to contain the 'mussed' look he'd mentioned finding cute. "Having…not done anything like this, I've read that it's better for me to be so in order to control depth and-"

It was his turn to cut her off, "Why are we having sex?!"

She slammed the hairbrush down on the bed, causing it to pop back up into the air as she released it, then clatter to the floor beside his feet, "Because you love me and I love you! If this works, if _we_ work, then I can set about doing what I have to do in order to extract you from the insanity that is your life! If we don't work, if this doesn't work, then I'll know I am just a good friend and can die knowing that at least one man tried to show me what it means to be loved!"

"When was the last time you slept?"

She blinked, confused with what she felt to be a sudden shift in topic, "What does that matter?"

 _Eve, if you can hear me, front and center._ "Because I am afraid you are skipping a number of steps, and while I am…hopeful that you truly mean it when you say you love me, I am _not_ going to take advantage of you in the present circumstances. I don't believe you are actually in your right mind." Catching sight of his wingman's passenger hovering behind her, he kept his eyes on Asuka's, _If I use Shamshel's song, will she fall asleep?_

 _Yes,_ Eve's voice spoke of great relief.

He began to summon the Song of Morning, _Can we talk after that?_

 _Yes._

Letting the golden tune flow outwards, he felt his spine tingle with the release of power. Strengthened, instead of dampened, by his agitation, the song rolled quickly beyond the borders of the base he stood upon. Beyond the borders of what he had declared as his lands. Beyond the borders of the nation he called home. Across the sea to the west, and the ocean to the east. The light of hope, the glory of renewed faith in the power of mankind to raise itself up again after struggling or failing, touched every living being on Earth, stretching out beyond the skies to caress even those aboard Rose's vessel. Shining with a gentle warmth, the Beacon of Ikari announced to any civilization capable of observing planets outside of their home system, that all would be well.

Three seconds into the two minutes and thirty one seconds, Asuka collapsed and fell into a deep sleep. Righting her as gently as he could, he covered her over and settled her in so that she would awake without aches or pains. As he continued singing, he picked up the mess around him, placing things where they would be found easily, or where he knew they would go based on his knowledge of her organizational system. When the final note sounded, and the glow dimmed, he took a deep breath and forced his own mind towards tranquility. _Eve._

The achingly beautiful creature that resided in his friend's head spoke with lingering awe and burgeoning love, _Yes, Your Grace?_

In a voice that was both rational and stable, he asked the only reasonable question, _What the fuck was that?_

Eve crawled over towards him, carefully maneuvering around the slumbering ball of vengeance and wrath lying beneath the sheets, _If I answer…could I at least have a kiss?_ Hope radiated from her, Shamshel's song resonating with her in a way he'd not yet seen, _Nothing more, I swear. I will not…push for more. A taste, a hint of what you just sang for me, is all I ask._

 _She's not screaming to me that you've been helping her find 'normal', Eve._ Shinji gripped the unnumbered Angel's shoulder, _I asked you to put your best efforts into this, and that you wouldn't find yourself welcome in my bed without her being helped._

 _I cannot force her to comply, Great One._ Taking his shirt in her hands, she begged his forgiveness, _She refuses sleep, she will not eat, she only showered because her moonflow was present!_

 _She's not taking care of herself,_ Shinji's eyes narrowed as he realized that nobody in his house had yet had their period, other than Nozomi. Her precocious puberty worried him, and validated his opinion that his presence was radically changing the people surrounding him. The quirk distracted him from his target, and he quickly shook it off as an oddity to be worried at later, _Answer my question, and I will give you_ one _kiss. You are right in that you can't compel her to act in a healthy manner, and…I am glad you're not just reprogramming her somehow._

 _She desires you._ Blurting out the truth, she jumped at the opportunity for a reward, _But she also abhors the thought of intimacy. Not with you, but with everyone. Her past, you know enough of it to know the why, is only complicated by her brain chemistry being irregular. She would do best with accepting your bond, allowing you to heal her rather copious mental imbalances._ Standing up, she smiled with what seemed to be genuine remorse, _Would that anyone could do the same for you, Great One. But how could any hope to heal a mind such as yours, save perhaps Creation itself._

 _Like Adam said,_ he recalled the conversation in his soul, _proximity to me, and the bond, are helping Suzi and Maya._ Looking back at the door, he grimaced, _I can't carry her out of here. No matter how much I want to take her home and help her…I've already done more than I should have without her consent by just singing for her._ Clenching his fist, he growled, _Damn it._

 _This was what I meant, when I mentioned her 'nocturnal habits',_ Eve kept feeding him information, needing to earn his favor. _She would never take anyone to bed, she won't even ease her own tensions regarding you. She's wanted to keep you ignorant, knowing that you would intervene should you find out. She, however, cannot swear me to silence nor compel the same. She may ask, as she did, but your order to pursue 'normalcy' supersedes that by a great margin._

He could feel his irritation growing. His wingman was hurting herself, believing it to be helping him. Whether they would, or even could, find love was immaterial before the most basic facts of the matter. She couldn't save him, nobody could. She could only delay Eve's desires for, at most, another ninety or so years. If they lived that long. She was both making a decision for him that he disagreed with, and preventing him from making her life less painful in the process. _When she wakes up, is there a way for you to contact me?_

 _Not without cost,_ tugging on her lengthy hair, she frowned in disappointment. Her heart soared that he wished to hear from her, even if only to discuss the irritation behind her. _It is rather draining to reach so far, as I cannot expend much energy without risking her health. Damaging her would, by your own words, not be well taken by you._

 _Is there nothing I can do to help?_ With no experience in his memories to call upon, he had to trust the nature of the beast before him, _I can bench press this building, flood the city with water, sing with perfect pitch and tone, but I can't set up the equivalent of a two-way radio. And yet people somehow think I'm 'Great'._ Bending down, he cupped her face and kissed the elder being before him gently.

The unexpected payment caused Eve to lock up. Her worst fear, that he might forget what she'd asked for, was eradicated. Her second worst fear, that it would be a simple touch to her forehead as if she were a child, fell as well. Her dearest hope, that he would set her on the nearby vanity-slash-writing desk and engage in passionate bonding did not seem likely. However, the simplicity and tenderness of his touch caused her to promise herself that this would not be the last time it happened. She knew Lilith was acting in a manner that pushed him away from the Second Angel. That gave her room to maneuver in.

Standing up straight, he held his hand where it was, _Please, try and convince her to contact me. I don't care what time it is._ Letting his eyes close in frustration, he sighed, _If she was the only concern I had, this would be so easy._

When his eyes opened again, Eve saw the entity that had cut a swath through her children staring down at the redheaded distraction with jumbled emotions. The man before her was far less human than he believed himself to be, and the former wife of Adam _needed_ his touch. _I will do my utmost, I swear it._

Nodding in farewell, he left the room without another word. Leaving behind two women who were separated by a common confusion as to his standing in their life, he assaulted the next in the never-ending string of obligations he'd amassed.

+++++ 14th Angel + 28: Tuesday (117)

"He's wanting to cook a meal for everyone as a family," Hikari announced, finishing out her briefing to those women who were able to be present at the moment. "Both tomorrow, and the day after. Nicolette is American, and so he wants to include her culture's traditions in our family's traditions. I'm certain he wants this to be everyone working together. We have the day off of school, so there shouldn't be anything stopping us from breaking into smaller groups to spend time with him in the area he's most comfortable in. Whoever's not with him, can help Nozomi-chan and Sakura-chan with the cards for Alpha Company and Bravo Company."

"He took notes on what he needs," Yang tapped the spiral-bound notepad. "I'll ask Ma to send someone over with everything." Taking a deep breath she smiled at Kodama, "Since I have everyone's permission now, I'll be dealing with that bit of 'I told you so' at the same time."

Rose checked something on her small portable assistant, "Kelly should be awake tomorrow morning. That would give us the whole family, if we can convince the people with jobs to take a day off."

Kodama rubbed Yang's back comfortingly, understanding how it felt to have Xu Xuefan telling you that if you'd just listened to her in the first place, it wouldn't be so awkward right now, "Hiki and I will work on Maya. We can then ask Maya to help us work on the other two. With everyone here, it shouldn't be hard to talk Akane and Mikoto into staying, but that leaves Nicolette. Her partner's in the hospital, we may end up having to let her take tomorrow and be there so we can ask her to be here Thursday evening for dinner."

"Thank you!" Tsuru's exclamation drew all four women's attention, the farmgirl clearly restraining herself from bouncing as she embraced Suzuka from near the television. The rest of her words, spoken in a more controlled tone, were lost to them. The eldest human in the household demonstrating tolerance for the exuberance of youth in not rolling her eyes as she allowed herself to be hugged.

"We can make this work," Hikari's smile was pure determination. "Help him protect everyone, support everyone, and most importantly support him at the same time." Looking to the other three women with her, she rapped her knuckles on the table, "We all know our parts. Let's be about them."

+++++ 14th Angel + 28: Tuesday (117)

"Thank you, Jake-san," Shinji gently gripped the big agent's shoulder. "I'll get going, so you can get some rest."

"Just doing my job, sir." The big Texan's smile was badly impacted by the narcotics he was on, "You take care of Nicki, now. She may be your girl, but she's my partner until she wises up and finds a better job. You hurt her, I'll have to get my ass kicked again fighting you. Then we'll be right back here, and neither of us wants that. And uh," his eyes drifted closed as sleep reclaimed him, "thanks…for the song…."

Quietly herding everyone out of the room, he kept his first request on their private channel, _Wait for me and we'll all go home together. I need to talk to Temple, make sure of a few things._ Receiving three varied forms of agreement, he walked over to where the elder corpsman sat at the nearby desk calmly going over paperwork, "Temple."

"Paladin," not making eye contact, she told him with her posture everything he needed to know.

His heart began to hurt, "Does he know?"

"Depends. Some patients know, if they're used to being hurt badly. Others can't really tell over the pain meds. My guess," she flicked her eyes up to his, "no. He's still too drugged up to know. His conversation with you was mostly on topics he could see clearly, which as you know isn't much. That means that the more dynamic topics are still beyond him." She could see her statement layering itself atop the other burdens he carried, and stood with a sigh, "You have to know that you can't protect everyone. I understand you wish you could. I know that if you had been faster, or fireproof, you would have done something for my kids, or for Captain Minders. I know that you, like I, can't get the sight out of your head. But you need to not dwell on it. The agent made his choice, he did his duty, just like my kids did. You can't be everywhere, and our species has been engaging in tragic heroism since long before either of us were born."

"I don't believe that," he shook his head. "You're way too old to not predate heroism." Smiling weakly, he opened his arms, "It hurts."

Gladly accepting the embrace, the elder corpsman clutched as tightly to him as he did to her, "All the time. We did what we could. You did what you could. Accept that what you did was what you could, and don't let the evils other people do drag you down. We need you. We need your good heart, and your gentle hand."

Shinji refused to lie to the woman that had helped him, who had lost so much for doing so, "I'm going to kill him, when I find him. I'm neither going to be gentle, nor good about it."

"I'd expect nothing less. Just don't revel in it." Slipping back, she looked up at him, "We don't let rabid dogs wander free. But we also can't become rabid dogs ourselves. We haven't fought for you, only to watch you become the thing we fought, understand?"

The level of compassion in her eyes made it clear as day that she knew exactly what she spoke of, and while she might not understand all of his burdens, she knew the torment of not succumbing to darkness. "Your husband's a lucky man, Temple. I'm glad he takes care of you."

A genuine smile grew in place of the harsher one, "It's mutual, Paladin. I promise. Now get going. I have work to do." Patting him on the side, she returned to her forms and papers, the conversation finished for the moment. The unspoken barrier standing firm for both of the people who remembered far too much of the evils they had witnessed. Crying in public wasn't in them to do, and both had far too much rage boiling beneath the surface to change that.

One last look in the room where a good man would likely learn he'd never fight again, and Shinji turned to be about his own obligations. As he exited into the corridor outside of the area the corpsman had coopted, he forced himself not to glare. Standing next to the three women he would soon be returning home with, was General Benoit. _His daughter saved Hikari. He might have legal standing to do what he's done. We are at war._ The mental pep talk drew Akane and Nicolette's eyes, the taller of the two sang of agreement, and the shorter of conflicted emotions.

"Ah, Shinji my boy," the elderly officer, looking far, far older than he had when he'd arrived, stood with a sad smile, "I thank you for checking in on my family. It eases my mind that you continue to be the kind of man I believed you to be when I first saw you," his smile faded, replaced by a heavy sigh, "what feels like years ago."

"We're all pulling on the same rope, sir," his response was the safest he could manage, without risking lying. "Jake-san's presence will be missed by Team Rainbow, as well as a number of the other students at their school. He's been a very steadying influence, for everyone."

"We were about to accompany Principle Alpha home, sir," Akane cut off what Nicolette was about to say, not trusting the other woman to be able to keep her temper in check with the sight of her partner so fresh in her mind. "Was there something you needed? He's pushed off his dinner long enough, and I'd prefer he at least try to get some sleep."

The General nodded, "A few moments alone, agent. I'd like to discuss a few things with him in person, off the record…so to speak." His gaze shifted to Shinji, "If that's all right with you, son? I know you're 'off duty', and would rather be home with your wives."

 _Steady._ Shinji could feel all three women tense up, _All of you know that in a fight he'd stand as much chance against me as Nozomi-chan would against you. He's…an ally. Even if 'friendly' has become suspect._ "Of course, sir. Technically, as Lead Pilot, I'm never fully off duty. I think that's why my paycheck's so bloated." Stepping to the side to clear the hallway, he gestured away from the trio of armed ladies, "Is over here fine, or would you prefer to head to your office?"

The old officer smiled politely, "It's quite all right, I just wanted to check in with you."

Shinji felt the lie, and fought against his natural inclinations to call the man out on it. Once they were far enough away, in an alcove where anyone approaching would be seen far before it became an issue, he tested the water, "I do hope that hugging them while they're off duty, but on base, isn't seen as a problem, sir."

"Your father and I have been busy cleansing the world of the insane and deluded perpetrators of crimes against not only humanity as a whole, but humans as individuals," Philip's voice carried no further than Shinji's ears, and the man's friendly smile died. "Originally, it was just him. When I caught him, after he _intended_ me to catch him, he demonstrated for me the lengths to which SEELE was willing to go to destroy the world should they be denied this 'Instrumentality'. I will not make excuses for my actions, though I would have you know that I share your disgust with them. I have full legal authority to engage as I must, granted by the Secretary General himself, and in exchange will be stepping down once the world is free to follow your example." His head shook slowly, his conscience clearly having been chewing at him, "Please. Convince them to look no further. Allow me to take this sin upon myself, so that they are not tarred with the same brush. There is innocence to be found in ignorance, and only guilt to be found in knowledge." Inclining his head politely, he excused himself, "I must go. There is much to be done, and little time to do it within. Please, enjoy your holiday."

He could feel the eyes of all three women on him as he watched the answer to his questions walk away, his emotions roiling within him as he attempted to remember the precise point he'd lost his innocence of the evils of the world. _If we can't arrest and try the truly wicked…are we resolving anything by killing them? Is this the 'right now' solution, or the right solution?_ Turning to face three of the women who would walk through the halls of eternity with him, he worried that staying on Earth might ultimately be both futile and harmful, _Are there no truly decent people out there that want to help others because it's what is right?_

 _The legal system isn't set up to punish the powerful, kid,_ Akane broke the stasis first, walking over with her hands in her pockets and her shoulders loose. _It's set up for the powerful to maintain order. I may not agree with everything I saw on those papers, but I can't disagree with him that the world we live in was set up by SEELE for SEELE. Excising the cancer may hurt the body for a little while, but I think he's expecting you to set about healing that damage._

 _Which is far too much to expect of him_ , Nicolette stomped after the taller woman. _What about his happiness? What about peace for him? Is he supposed to act as the world's 'daddy' for the rest of eternity?_ Stopping by Shinji's left hand, she resolutely faced the other two women, _He agrees with me that it's disgusting to just kill someone because they refuse to surrender. We train extensively to capture people, and there was more than a handful of targets that couldn't have put up a fight if they wanted to. Old men and women, without any training in using a firearm._

 _Doesn't take much training to shoot someone,_ Mikoto kept her eyes on Shinji. _How many of us do we throw away trying to arrest a couple hundred monsters who'd never see the inside of a cell?_

 _Why?_ Placing his arms around Nicolette's shoulders, Shinji pulled her against him to reduce the tension in the situation. He knew the other two didn't want to argue, but they had their reasons for not being as 'gung ho' about everything. _Miki-chan, I trust you. You think a lot like I do, and I know that I don't say half of what I think I should, and less than a quarter what others think I should._

He felt, more than saw, her blush at the name, _It's who is implicated by convictions. Your average idiot thinks that working with a duly elected monster makes you a monster, that not engaging in a permanent crusade against every infraction both major and minor makes you complicit in all crimes ever done. Nobody's evil twenty-four seven. Too many people had to work with those who were elected to powerful positions, because the rules say they had to. Principles don't pave roads, or till fields. Principles don't always allow us to make the small change that sets up the big change later. Unless we want to place dictators everywhere, we have to accept who the people vote into power. And a benevolent dictator is just as dictatorial as a malevolent one._

 _It's like the asshole in the class next to yours,_ Akane brought the metaphor closer to home. _Like him or not, he's the elected rep. You want to do something in that class, you have to work through him. You don't? You're just as guilty of acting above the law as he is. Don't like it? Change the law. But until you can, the laws are what they are._

 _Which is exactly the argument I'm making,_ Nicki clutched Shinji's hands. _He's acting like he is above the law!_

 _The kill or capture orders are legal,_ Shinji's heart hurt at the thought. _If the people carrying them out aren't attempting to capture, then the guilty party is them. Not him. Are the papers clear on that? That capture is a valid outcome?_ Mikoto nodded, causing him to close his eyes. _I think I'm beginning to understand why Kaji-san couldn't let things go._ The memory of the special agent's ruined skull in his hands caused him to twitch, _The truth…isn't hidden. It's right in the open, for everyone to see it. With everyone too focused on surviving, they didn't care that we had made monsters to fight monsters…for monsters._ Tilting his head towards the way they'd need to leave, he engaged a piece of advice his wife had told him he desperately needed to use more often, "Let's go home. We don't need to make any snap decisions on something this permanent." None of them were right, and even more damning, none of them were wrong. What he left unspoken, was that Lilith's actions were beginning to make far too much sense to him. She was fighting, just as General Benoit was, to leave a world behind that he could do something about.

+++++ 14th Angel + 28: Tuesday (117)

It was a much beleaguered Shinji that returned to a full house. Misato, Maya, and Ritsuko had been let off early, by order of Commander Fuyutsuki, after a personal call from Nozomi to ask if they would be allowed to enjoy the upcoming holiday. As the last group to return home, he and the agents weren't in the same mindset as the household, and the disconnect showed at his lethargic call of, "I'm home."

A joyous chorus greeted him, coming from all corners of the common areas of the manor, "Welcome home!"

"Nii-san!" Nozomi came hurrying over, helping him take off his shoes, "Sakura-chan and I need some help."

"We're having trouble with this equation," the other half of Team Rainbow sat on the couch, "and if we don't get it right, Tsuru-nee-san and Yang-nee-san say they won't help us make thank you cards for tomorrow!"

"The rules were that nobody that's helped them already can help them again," Yang held her hands up as Nozomi dragged a confused Shinji towards the couch, the lone male unaware that Suzuka had snuck behind him to brief his agents on the plan. "At this point, it's you and the three who came home with you. They've managed ninety eight of the problems, but these last two are stumping them. It's the aggregate of everything they've learned, and I don't deny it's hard, but we agreed on the rules beforehand."

Taking hold of Shinji from Nozomi, and guiding him to sit by her, Tsuru held his arm close, reaching up and kissing his cheek, "Please abide by the rules, my prince. They only get your help for one of the two problems."

Slipping behind him to lay against his back, the leggy waitress rubbed her cheek against his, "That doesn't mean you can't teach them as you help, though. So if you do a good enough job, they can land the last question on their own." Kissing his ear, she whispered, "If you help them in a way that gets them to answer the last one on their own, we've got a surprise for you."

Kneeling on the couch, Tsuru played her part, "It's in the kitchen. But you don't get _it_ , unless they get this."

" _Please_ ," both little girls sang together.

"Y-yeah," the house rang with unity, a tone he had been too focused on other things to take note of. Looking around and seeing small pockets of the women in his life steadfastly ignoring the adorable wiles of Team Rainbow, he shook off his hesitation and leaned forward, "Let's see it, then."

"Here, here," Nozomi tapped the ninety-ninth problem, "we know that we're supposed to measure the surface area, but we can't determine the surface area because we don't know the length of this…uh…."

Sakura stepped in, "Height. We don't know the height of this object."

The answer came to him easily, the problem simple to a high schooler, to say nothing of one that had memories of doctorates in sciences as varied as he'd studied, "So what _do_ you know about it?" He agreed with Yang and Tsuru, without needing the promise of some form of prize, by teaching them to fish he'd feed them for a lifetime.

"It's a cylinder," the younger offered.

The elder tapped one of the symbols, "And we know that it can hold this much whatevers."

"The volume," he supplied. "So, how do you find the volume? Do you remember how to do that?"

"Wait!" Sakura scavenged through her notes, "Here," she showed Nozomi, "this is how we did that."

"Oh, oh! If we…but we'd, oh they labeled that," Nozomi pointed at the radius, "it's here, three centimeters."

Her colleague shuffled closer to the table and began to write, "So we need to do the pi being round joke thingy."

"Then we make it all neat," the lone remaining Horaki followed along on her own paper without looking at Sakura's.

Shinji watched as the two girls reverse engineered the problem, needing only the slightest of nudges to change up their thinking. It took them far longer than it took him, though he enjoyed watching them hammer away at the longform math as neither used a calculator, but in the end the result coming out the same to each child led to them celebrating and hugging. "You see? You just had to look at it from the standpoint of the information you had at hand. You barely needed any help. Now, do you think you can tackle the last problem yourself?"

Yang clasped her hands over his eyes as Tsuru blocked his mouth. The Chinese-descended student clicking her tongue, "Uh uh uh, one assist per problem. Rules are rules."

"We must follow the rules, Shinji," Tsuru giggled. "We can't teach the little ones to use their cuteness to get everything they want, can we?"

The manner in which the two women stopped him from continuing somehow managed to not grate on him, the playful banter mixing well with his own philosophy of promoting self-reliance and keeping your word. Holding his hands up before him in surrender, he was gifted a kiss on each cheek, and then forced to deal with the loss of both hands as they stood as one and pulled him towards the kitchen, "I'm sorry, Nozomi-chan, Sakura-chan, I can't go against their deal. I've got faith in you though, you're both more than smart enough to finish."

Once they had him where he wouldn't possibly trip and hurt anyone, Yang grinned playfully, "Close your eyes. We'll guide you."

Tsuru's voice drifted up to his ears as he closed his eyes, "No peeking. You're a man of your word, now."

"You really didn't have to give me something for going along with your rules, you know," he could feel their excitement grow through their songs. Whatever it was, they felt it was something he'd love. He just wished they knew that he could walk into the kitchen to a stack of dirty dishes and be happy, owing to the happiness that they seemed to be bursting with.

"Rules are rules," Yang mimed his voice. "You abided by the rules, so you get a reward from us. We want to show you how much we appreciate everything you do, and this is our way of doing just that."

"Careful, doorframe." Guiding him cautiously through, they turned him so that he could slide around the central island, then pulled him to a stop between the sink and the island itself. The farmgirl's hands trembled slightly, both women moving in a way that seemed to indicate silent communication between them. After a few seconds, she spoke again, "Ok…you can look."

He, despite having prepared for any number of possibilities, had not prepared himself for what was lying before him on the marbled countertop. Neatly presented, in a manner that would stop them from picking up any stray material from elsewhere in the kitchen, were four pieces of paper. Two from much closer to home than the other two, and two related to each of the two women on either side of him.

"You…both got accepted to college?" The part of him that refused to accept things intended for him in any form or fashion insisted he focus first on the acceptance letters, "Already?"

"Turns out being associated with not only the savior of mankind, but the Shirakami to boot greases the skids a little," Yang leaned against the island next to her acceptance letter. "My mother, the conniving bitch that she is, applied on both mine and Tsuru's behalf a while ago when she moved us in here. The dean of admissions is an old Family friend, and when he heard that people living with you were interested in attending, he nearly requested a death mark on any other university that might try to lure us into going anywhere else."

"We'll be able to stay here," Tsuru toyed with his hand, hoping that he was happy to hear that. "It doesn't take much to commute, and they have a nationally accredited program for not only general chemistry but pharmacology. So long as I maintain my grades-"

"Which would put her in the number five slot in the entire school," Yang announced with a celebratory grin.

"-I'll be accepted for a full scholarship." When he looked down into her seafoam eyes, she had tears standing in them, "I'll be able to send money home to help my family, Shinji, money I earn on my own…because of you."

He quickly shook his head, "No. No, you worked hard. You've kept up on your studies, despite the extra strain of living in this…." Changing the words after searching for some that weren't pejorative, he smiled, "Challenging environment. You could have, at any point, collapsed from the strain. You were not ready for what you were…." Another pause as he edited his speech, "Presented with. None of us were. That it took you a little longer to get your feet under you is not an indictment of you. I am proud of you, Tsuru." Looking to his right, he kept his smile strong, "Of both of you."

"Eh, let's not go overboard with my praise. I'm getting into college because Ma asked. Let's not kid ourselves, my grades aren't that impressive. Number eight in a class of twenty two? Not exactly jumping off the page. In the school I'm number thirteen. I'm smart, sure, but I have a lot of subjects I'm really weak in." Yang rolled her eyes towards her own admission ticket, "This, however, will lead to courses I'm much better in. I'll pay off the Dean's good faith gesture, and work my tail off to take top marks."

"And I'm where I am because you helped," Tsuru clutched Shinji's arm as she encouraged her friend. "Yang has been right there in my ear this whole time, Shinji. Don't let her make it seem like she's not been working hard, just because she isn't 'the best' in school. I've managed what you praise me for because she wouldn't let me cower."

"It seems your friend disagrees, Yang," Shinji was even more proud of the two women for not competing or fighting, and instead pushing him to recognize the other. It seemed to feed off of and in turn feed further the song of unity throughout the house, "I should praise you just as much as I've praised Tsuru. She's not the only one who's had to rely on you, and all three of us know that the class ranking doesn't matter that much if you don't put paid to the promise it implies. Neither she nor I would be standing here smiling if it wasn't for our favorite waitress doing a lot of heavy lifting. You haven't shied away from the hard work, and it's only right that you get the reward of pursuing a goal you have."

"Then I guess it's a good thing I love you." Yang's declaration was both firm and final, "Because I think it's about time you recognize the other two pieces of paper."

True to her roots on the farm, the other woman in the room had made certain that every possible doubt was managed, "I asked that everyone sign the form saying that we could ask. I know, well…I know you would know if we were lying. But I didn't want to have to make you do that. I wanted you to see, with your own eyes, the trust that your wives have given not only us, but you."

Sitting before him, between the two acceptance letters, was a pair of handwritten petitions to be allowed to ask him for admission to his soul. Each of the women he'd legally wed, or in Rose's case unified with, had signed in the 'yes' column. Hikari's poised, flowing, script. Maya's crisp, cute, lettering. Kodama's playful and Suzuka's severe signatures. And there, in a language that few humans had or likely would ever see, the alien transliteration of the Japanese sounds that made up the word 'Rose'. "It…is not simple for me to express how complicated my feelings are, on this." Grateful that neither of the women's songs despaired, he took his time forming his sentence, "I… _love_ both of you. There will always be a part of my mind that rebels at that very notion. Not that I love more than one woman, but that I love any woman. That I am not, in some form or fashion, sullying you by merely acknowledging that I am…sad, when you are not around. When I compound that with…uhm…." Pairing his pause with a tighter grip on their hands, he begged their patience.

"It's ok, my prince," Tsuru clasped as tight as she could with both hands. "You can work your way through it. We are not in any rush."

"You should, though," Yang added, spinning her grip so that she held his thumb, "just spit it out. If it isn't perfect, we're not going to be hurt. If you say 'yes', we've got a long time to refine your thoughts down to their essence. The raw materials can be presented and admired on their own merits."

Both Tsuru's encouragement towards taking his time, and Yang's encouragement for not waiting for perfection, reminded him that his situation was where it was because he had been torn between exactly those two forces. The wry, amused, smile that broke out on his face at the irony of the situation brought a laugh, which encouraged him to spin them both into a group hug, "The moment I laid eyes on each of you, I had to murder the brain cells that prompted me to wonder what it would be like to hold you, just like this. When you both proved to be eager to help others, it spiraled beyond that, to wondering what it might feel like to kiss you." Hoisting them up, and pressing his lips lightly to Yang's, then to Tsuru's, he let them see his pain at what followed, "When I had that first idle fancy, of you," he looked to his right, "on the lectern. Or you," his left, "over your desk…I'm surprised I didn't simply punch myself dead."

Yang's more mischievous side flashed outwards as she looked to Tsuru, "Do you think the soldiers outside would guard the entrance to the school after dark?" Hitching one eyebrow, half her lip curled up, "I mean, we might accidentally leave something there one day that we absolutely need to get to not fail our class."

The side of Tsuru that staked her claim to Shinji bit her lip, "It would be dreadful to search for it with the lights out. We'd bump into each other, over," her hand pulled Yang's leg up to wrap around her waist cinching them together, "and over." The emotive portals that first compelled him to look her way shifted to pure fake innocence as she looked back at him, "It'd be…terrible." Her mouth pursed as she squeezed the limb in her grasp, "You really do have wonderful legs, Yang-chan. That can't just be working out. This has to have some genetic heritance."

"I wouldn't know, my mom doesn't have any photos that show hers before she plumped out at twenty." Chuckling, she looked to Shinji, "Rose thinks we'll more or less stay at the weight we are now. If for no other reason than that, _please_ , stop me from ballooning up to over one hundred kilos."

"I don't mind looking like I do for all time," Tsuru assured him. "I…well," she blushed, showing that for all her confidence it still had its limits, "I like how you look at me. I know I'm not as pretty as Hikari. Or anywhere near as beautiful as Suzuka. But when you look at me…it…it reminds me of the good man I see every time I look at you. You never look at me and see 'gangly' or 'if nobody else'. You look at me, and see _me._ "

He asked one last time, knowing the answer already, "This…is what you truly want?" Two firm nods greeted him from each young woman. Settling them on their feet, he freed himself and stepped back. "Who's first?"

"She is," they pointed at each other, then scowled and turned to face the other, "I said you were!"

Yang placed her hands on her hips, "You worked harder. You deserve to go first!"

"You are the only reason I'm here, I'm not taking this from you." Tsuru crossed her arms, "I can wait."

"If he bonds me first, I might just jump him," the leggy waitress declared boldly. "You might have to wait until tomorrow."

"If he bonds me first, I _will_ jump him," the farmgirl lifted her chin. "So it's better that you go, because you have more restraint. Then you can help me remain calm."

The first thing that stuck out to Shinji was that the unity hadn't lessened as his steroid-infused anxiety had suddenly feared it might. Instead, somehow, it had trended upwards. The women before him weren't seeking to push the other to be first in an effort to be last, they instead truly wished that the other be given preference. Letting them argue, he looked out to the main room, and felt for the songs that lingered out there. There was a unity of purpose, a singular goal, and it had even overtaken the three that had arrived with him. Something, somehow, had placed every woman in the house, from Nozomi to Suzuka in lockstep. Determined happiness, neither forced nor fake, had blossomed in his presence.

A curiosity overcame him, and as he tended to when he was curious about the potential to do something, he tested his theory without giving a great deal of thought to the practice of it. Placing one hand on each of the women's shoulders before him, he extended his soul to envelop their own. As the connection solidified, the waveforms of their being collapsing into one, his smile grew. _I was right._

A variety of confused queries flooded back to him, each of the bonded women in the house asking in their own way what he'd just discovered. The argument before him ended as suddenly as it had begun, the two women instead reaching for the other to embrace their fellow witness to something Shinji himself could never see. Watching him with misty eyes, they radiated joy, secure in the knowledge that love without any possible measurement was truly there for the taking. His voice in their mind was neither validation nor payment, it simply _was_.

 _Creation…amplifies you all._ Tenderly ushering the two young women towards the front room, he gathered the papers up so they wouldn't be damaged and followed behind. _When you are all unified in purpose, like now when all of you want the same thing, I can feel it._ Spying Misato, he chastised himself, "I should speak out loud."

"Might help," the violet haired sub-commander looked around the room. "I saw everyone except Rainbow turn and face you simultaneously. I mean, I couldn't have asked for that kind of synchronization from my old unit on a parade field. No signal, cut off conversations mid-stream, on beat. You did something, and 'boom', heads turned."

"We're all integrated, in a way," Ritsuko took over where he'd left off. "He's figured out that we've all planned something, and that we're all of a mind on the matter. Without knowing what or why, he's noticed that we're all on the same page. If I had to guess, it's because of that song he hears. We probably sound like a series of machines all working as one."

Rose patted the doctor's shoulder, "He prefers the choral analogy, himself. It's less dehumanizing."

"Well, since it seems part of the standing issue has been resolved, I think it's time to manage the next part," Maya waved Misato up to her feet. "While you are working on that, we'll prepare a light dinner. The next two days are going to be full of feasting, and for our health, I think it's best that we stick with a simple salad tonight."

"Agreed," Kodama hopped up from her spot next to Sakura. "Nicolette-san, would you mind lending a hand? Maya and I could use a third pair, while Hiki, Yang-chan, and Tsuru-chan set the table."

"I guess that leaves us to go over your homework, ladies," Akane had seated herself on the floor by Nozomi, with Mikoto flanking Sakura. "Doesn't hurt to review one last time to make sure we have all our intel straight, right?"

Both little ladies of the house were pleased to have not only more attention paid to them, but paid to them by women that couldn't normally do so, "Hai!"

Suzuka urged him onwards, returning to her discussion with Rose and Ritsuko. The three women had, over the past few days, begun to enjoy speaking with one another. He'd never doubted his weapon's brilliance. After all, over four hundred years gave a person time to ponder much. That Ritsuko would be interested in naturally appearing immortality, and Rose would be interested in learning more of humanity, only made sense.

"It's still there," having moved over to stand near Misato, he watched the house function. "Everyone just moved to take part in other tasks, but the unity is still there." Allowing himself to be dragged back down towards the hallway, he looked to the woman he'd known the longest of any present, "What managed to get all of you so…this?"

"It's a mystery," Misato, herself, couldn't help but amaze at the level of rigidly enforced ignorance he maintained. Unable to see in himself how unifying a charismatic leader could be, "What were you talking about earlier?"

As her fingers twined in his, he realized he'd somehow been distracted from his explanation, "O-oh. Creation…I don't think it intended this bond for me alone. I could see how everyone in the house had begun to bolster each other, working together for things that others wanted without being upset that it might interfere in what 'you' want."

"When you have forever, you can take turns pretty easily," the violet-haired warrior shrugged. "I can see how a lot of petty grievances would start to seem even pettier when 'limited number of days on Earth' is removed from the equation." Stopping at her door, she looked back over her shoulder, "Although, that happened pretty quickly. Maybe," using his abstracted rumination to surprise him, she hauled him into the room and threw him on her bed. Jumping atop him, she pressed down, intending to stop him from escaping again, "They're all realizing that what they have is special. That he's worth not only sharing, but being the best they can be for. Maybe, they've given up their vices when he showed them they should. They've rallied around his banner. They've become better, not _for_ him…but _because of_ him."

Holding himself still, his hands gripping the bed to stop them from suddenly gripping her, Shinji's mind was once more forced to contemplate a series of possible responses to his current situation before he could speak. Hesitation, however, was not met with the same patience that it had been when Tsuru and Yang stood by him. His former guardian, and once and future housemate, was not a woman known to be prone to waiting for much if anything once she'd chosen a path forward.

"I've asked you a question twice," her chocolate eyes loomed large in his vision, "and twice we've been interrupted. The way I figure it, either I ask again and something happens, which means we know that the universe doesn't want us together…or I ask and you answer."

He knew what she meant, just as well as he knew his own conflicted feelings. Closing his eyes, he shook his head quickly, "I don't know. Every woman I…share with, is a risk. Every woman I don't…." Reaching up, he pulled her down against him in a rough embrace, "Do I want to…."

She pushed back enough to be able to look at him, nose to nose, "Fuck, Shinji. Have sex with. Even make love to. It's not dirty, and you need to stop thinking it is. I have enough hang ups in this arena for the both of us, and you, unlike me, haven't been throwing yourself around in the hopes of filling the wrong hole in yourself."

"I'm not throwing myself around _because_ I'm thinking the way I am," his scowl preceded him rolling them over so that he was atop her. "Do I want to…make love with you, yes. Yes I do. I want to bring you into my soul, well…our soul, because if I'm right it's not mine any more. We're all…kind of one being." His eyes lost focus as he thought back onto the original topic, "Which is why we had so many problems, it's almost impossible for a singular soul to exist peacefully with so much internal disagreement. It's-" He blinked as she kicked him with her heel, "Huh?"

"Focus on the pretty woman you're lying on top of, slugger, or she's not going to think you're taking her seriously." She knew that even though he'd reversed their positions physically, that she was still the one in charge emotionally, "Now, continue what you were saying about _us_."

"It's not about just us, though." Settling back on his knees, he pushed himself into a kneeling position, "If I…have sex, with you, they feel it. If I bond you, and have sex with…Mikoto, you will feel it. We share a soul, but not a mind. What if, what if like tonight, I come in here with you but Tsuru and Yang want me to spend the evening with them? I'll destroy the unity they've forged by…indulging in…a dream? A nightmare?"

Not giving up, she shifted her position so that she sat astride his legs, forcing him to accept that she was a physical creature too, "Tell me." Feeling, as much as seeing, him shy away from answering, she pushed her own discomfort out for him to see, "I started having sex because if the world was going to look at me like I was tainted by my father's actions, then I was going to slather myself in so much mud that they couldn't help but look away. I could never be pure again, so instead I would be disgustingly filthy. You, instead, started having sex because you love Hikari. Not her vagina, not her tits, not her legs or her eager enthusiasm for intimacy, because you love _her_. I guarantee you that whatever terrifying realities you remember, the base truth remains that the you I am sitting on entered into the realm of sexuality for the best of reasons. So, I'm asking you to tell me. What did that other you and other me do that is pushing you to hesitate so much?"

"It's both," he couldn't hold back secrets in the face of her baring her own. "There was one life where Instrumentality was averted by Rei." He had noticed the bluenette's belongings stacked in the corner of the room neatly, letting his eyes linger on those few meager possessions for a time, "She…saw that you and I had fallen in love. She refused to go through with father's scenario when it would mean destroying the beauty she claimed she could see in our souls. We didn't touch one another, not at first. But every waking moment we could, we spent near each other. Until…." Once more tugging her against him, he clung to the reality he was in, hoping it would remain solid, "Kaji-san. Asuka."

"I loved him," Misato would never deny her feelings, not even to the man who had claimed them whole. "If he had just admitted he loved me too…maybe the time aboard the carrier would have gone differently."

"He did love you," Shinji had heard the truth of the man's statement in his song. "He loved you dearly. It was him that taught me that love isn't enough. You have to be able to sacrifice. To accept less and give more. Because someday, you'll have to make a choice and that choice has to include what's best for the ones you love. Even if it means leaving them behind to try and find happiness in a world without you."

"Do not justify his idiocy," heat flared in her song. "He loved the truth, the hunt, the adventure. If he actually loved me, he would have shown some of that sacrifice you're talking about. He would have told me he loved me, explained _why_ he had to do what he was doing." Forcing the topic to change, she ran her fingers along his throat, "Tell me. I'm sorry for interrupting, especially on a topic as irritating as that asshole. And yes," she raised an eyebrow, "I thought he was an asshole when I loved him too. One does not preclude the other. Something to keep in mind."

"I know I'm not the greatest guy, sometimes," Shinji gave her a sad smile.

"I meant that I'm a bit of a bitch from time to time, but you love me anyways you dork," Misato's smile, in turn, was both tolerant and charming. "None of us are perfect, not even you."

He felt so much pleasure from just holding her, "At least you admit I'm not."

The flirty woman he remembered made an appearance, "If you were perfect, we'd be discussing this while you were inside of me." Trailing her fingers lower, she winked, "Something else to keep in mind. Now talk, or get inside me…or both."

He couldn't quite convince himself to take that last step, just yet, "Kaji-san showed up, and instantly began flirting with you. He asked what it was like to live with you, and I answered honestly…because the me in that world was still rather naïve. I told him it was wonderful. That you had your bad points, you couldn't cook, and cleaning just didn't matter to you…but that you would sit and talk with me while I cooked. We'd discuss our days while I washed the dishes, or did the laundry. You wouldn't help with the chores, but you'd sit and spend time with me while I did them. You could have done any number of things, watched TV, or read the newspaper, or worked on your reports…but you'd instead just sit there and let me know that I was a part of your life."

She felt his delight at those memories, and the sting of jealousy that another her had managed to figure out what had eluded her in this reality, "I'm glad I wasn't as stupid there."

His face fell, "Asuka, seeing Kaji-san become irritated, sniped at you about treating a pilot like a live-in butler. You countered that I wasn't your butler, I was a husband-in-training." His hands tightened on her shirt, "Kaji-san made a crack that my future wife would thank you for breaking me in, then began to share stories of your attempts at 'breaking him in'. You slapped him after he refused to stop, then dragged me up on the deck away from them." The thrill he felt at the sight ran up his spine, "You whispered the entire time we were moving that you were 'young and stupid', that you loved how I was everything he wasn't. We were out of the way, near the RHIBs, when you told me you honestly loved me. That you knew you shouldn't, that I could and should have someone closer to my own age, and that if what Kaji-san had said changed my opinion of you…you'd understand."

Her previous point was, in her opinion, amply demonstrated, "He's an asshole."

"The first ship exploded before I could reply. Asuka, who had apparently lingered nearby without us noticing, grabbed me and had one of the VTOL pilots ferry us over to Unit-02." He remembered clearly the feel of her hand in his, how her grip was rock-steady the entire trip, "She got us both in our plugsuits…didn't bother changing away from me. We jumped in the Eva, started it up, and broke two hundred and eighty percent combined. Dead Angel, Eva recovered…and then she kissed me." She saw his face knit in confusion and fear, "It tasted like the LCL we were submerged in. Her plugsuit squeaked against her spare plugsuit, the one I was wearing."

"That…had to have been uncomfortable," whether she meant the kiss or his wearing a different suit wasn't clear, even to her.

"She said that if I told you 'no', that she'd be my girlfriend. That we, as pilots, needed to stick together." The memory of her hair floating free in the oxygenated liquid, like flame wreathing her face, burned his mind, "She offered to find a bunk, to prove she was serious…." Shaking himself, he pushed harder to remember when he was, "Your voice came over the intercom, asking for a status update. I responded that Asuka had defeated the enemy, and she cut in saying that _we_ defeated the enemy. She then began to berate you for not providing mission support, questioning your commitment to doing what was best for 'us'."

"She…does have a tendency to take charge, and rush in when she wants something." The thought of how she might feel about what he was describing, how she might react to discovering that 'her' Shinji had been taken advantage of by Asuka, began to circle her own mind, "Recovering from being used to abuse, that must have been difficult to respond to."

"You…uhm," he blushed, "you beat her to the punch. You insisted on medical evaluations by the ship's doctors, to make certain that there was no 'contamination' from both being in the same Eva. Ordering me to 'act tired', you then convinced the doctor to quarantine Asuka and I from one another, to be cautious. A few hours later, we arrived, you signed off on the Eva's delivery, and you left her with Section Two, taking me home to get some reasonable sleep." His blush intensified, "We…did not sleep."

Her grin was victorious, "Still got it."

"You were arrested the following day," he hurt as her grin dropped to a scowl. "Kaji-san announced to father that you were sexually grooming your ward. That I had informed Asuka about it, trusting that my fellow pilot would know how to help me." Dry-swallowing, he shook his head, "You didn't believe them. You refused to admit we had done anything. I…uhm, I was interrogated. I panicked, told them that you'd hugged me on the ship. That you told me you loved me, because I wasn't going to grow up and be like the man who'd…uhm…who'd called you a whore." The reality that never would be held him tightly, "The agent…told me that he'd be bragging about 'banging Katsuragi'. That I should feel proud of getting 'high-grade tail' like that. I…said something, but it wasn't anything intelligible. They tried for three days to get me to say you'd done something with me. Seventy four hours without sleep, or food. At the end, it was…uhm, it was Kozo that came into the room and let me go. He said…he said he was proud of me." His smile twitched, "For lying so believably. I was moved out of your apartment. You were let go with a warning to not risk 'sullying NERV's reputation'. We had one month of happiness…ruined because of jealousy. Not because Asuka was jealous of us. Because she was jealous of you and Kaji-san. Because he…lost out to 'a kid'." Starting at her touch, he clutched her tighter, "S-sorry."

"Shinji, I want to." Shifting further up on his lap, she let him pull her in, "I want to know what it's like to be held by someone who can look me in the eye and say they love me. I want to know how it feels, how it tastes. Hikari swore up and down that when you bonded me that I would _know_."

Fear, and anxiety, remained powerful forces in his mind, "But…the others. You said it would be 'work'."

"And I'm lazy," she shrugged. "I've found, recently, that not being lazy has some pretty nice benefits. I've lost weight, become healthier," leaning up she kissed him lingeringly. Not letting him pull away, she forced him to accept how she wanted things to be, and only after he relaxed again did she part enough to say, "I've gained a family. A…man." She could feel his motor was running, confident that her charms had worked their magic, and so she gave in to her own longings, "Show me. Show me what those other lucky idiots received, and didn't appreciate enough to sacrifice for. Just keep it in the household, and I'll give you _everything_ they never could." She shook her head slightly, "I know there will be a few others. Just…don't do anything with them until I've met them. Let me help you avoid the bad ones."

"Did…uhm, did you ask all of them?" He was having a hard time thinking straight, with an amorous Misato there to distract him. Between the woman that reminded him that women like Kodama existed, and the thoughts of the past, he'd lost track of the basics. "Did they say 'yes'?"

"On the condition that I not monopolize your time," she read him perfectly, and pressed her advantage by leaning against him. Looking up through her eyelashes, she whispered with a smoky tone, "Why…I couldn't _possibly_ be capable of that, could I? Little old me?"

His pulse raced as her hands subtly worked all of the spots on his neck and shoulders that she somehow instinctively knew he loved being touched upon, "A-any of you c-could." Swallowing hard, he fought against the stammer's return, "So…."

"How about instead of an answer," planting her feet and pulling hard, she hauled him forward to land heavily atop her, "I show you."


	120. Chapter 120

+++++ 14th Angel + 28: Tuesday (117)

"Another one down," Hikari looked back towards the room her husband was currently opening a path towards her own possible good fortune. "If we can keep this momentum up, we'll have everything in place."

Yang's face was flush with heat, no amount of warning able to prepare her for the sensations the man she'd become tethered to was radiating outwards, "You get used to this…right?"

The freckle-faced beauty smiled kindly, "Yes. Though, I think it helps that I've actually engaged in the act with him myself. I realize that you have your own thoughts on the matter, but you really might want to consider just getting in line. A few rounds of intimacy will help you focus on something else while he's being taught how to swim."

"Realizing that I ceded any possible high ground," the leggy waitress frowned, "I'm still not completely comfortable with the plan for us to bounce him around so much."

"To do what he wants, nothing more, nothing less." Hikari continued to run her fingers along the silent Tsuru's spine, "If he wants to spend some time with someone just talking? That's between him and them. If you go into your time with him and don't let him up for air? That's between both of you. If you go into your time with him and work on your grades in literature, that's between you too. We all agreed he needed to overcome his fears of intimacy. I even spoke with you regarding the reality that there were many _forms_ of intimacy."

Tsuru's words came out past short bursts of heavy breathing, the young woman's libido on a hair trigger, "We can't…let her…steal him…." A longing look followed towards the room where she could feel Shinji's love radiating from, "He's ours…."

+++++ 14th Angel + 28: Tuesday (117)

Walking out of Misato's room, with the violet-haired warrior in the middle of telling a story, Shinji was amazed at how uncomplicated what he'd just done was. She had taken charge, had pushed him to accept her touch as she willingly accepted his, and she had brought them out of the hour-long experience as if they'd been making love for decades. She refused to feed his self-deprecation, or enable his anxieties, instead laughing with him about her worst experiences in the subject matter.

"I mean, terrible, terrible time. He's all smooth and acts like he knows what he's doing, and then boom. Limp fish." Patting his chest with the back of her hand, she grinned, "Unlike you. He thought good looks and a reasonable size was somehow a replacement for actually helping me get anything out of it. I'm telling you, Shinji, never be afraid to speak up when you're in bed with anyone. Just because you got there, doesn't mean you have to take their crap. I kicked him out of the house so fast he barely got his boxers back on, I never even touched him. If the worst time you have with me is a bit of awkwardness as we realign things? Believe me, I'm going to plant my flag on that hill and stand proud."

Maya came over quickly as they rounded the corner of the hallway connecting to the sitting area, "Time for a swim lesson." Pressing a quick kiss to Misato's cheek, she received a wink and a nod, "C'mon, Pup. We're going to break in the pool. It's heated!"

"But…I just," instinctively returning Misato's fond wave of parting, he allowed himself to be steered into his bedroom. Taking a few steps into the center of the room as Maya slid the door shut, he frowned in confusion, "I didn't want Misato to-"

"She's had some time with you, and now it's time for someone else to have some time with you. You wanted to know what we were all of one mind on? This." Striding past him, she was shedding clothes as she moved, "You have been wringing your hands for months over Hikari and I. We have told you, time and time again, that we not only understand but accept that life is not going to be simple. Misato needed to be bound to you, and _not_ because Creation might kill her." Standing naked, the light of the bathroom framing her as she stood between him and the baths, she planted her hands on her hips, "She needed to be bound to you because you love her, and she loves you. That means sex. Why? Because it's the only way she knows how to connect with someone. In most cases, that's a bad thing. Between you and her? I'm hoping it leads to both of you reaching a happy medium."

Shinji was discovering that his libido was not willing to be silenced. His wife, the one before him, was the kind of perfect that few men appreciated until someone else 'won', "Have I ever mentioned how breathtaking you are?" It wasn't that Maya was wrong, and it wasn't that he was unwilling to accept that she was right, but he needed time to process his response. That meant buying that time in the easiest way possible, "Or told you how lucky I am that you would even consider someone like me?"

"Bubblegum pink. One piece. With nice cut-outs along my sides, just below my breasts," she cupped herself with the kind of grin a woman wears when she knows she's won, "and just above my hips," her hands trailed down her ribs back to just above her hips. When he blinked, she winked, "You get to make my swimsuit, aren't you lucky?"

+++++ 14th Angel + 28: Tuesday (117)

Hikari set dinner before the latest woman to join the family cautiously, "So?"

"I think we're all insane," attacking her salad, Misato was determined to be back in bed to be ready to go the following morning. "I think this is stupid, and impossible, and is going to explode in our faces." Leaving her utensils to linger between her lips, she grinned as she recalled hearing him whisper how much he loved her as she lay beneath him straining to find a way to accept more of him, "I think I'm going to enjoy it."

Having agreed to let Tsuru and Yang go back to their rooms and do what they could about the radiant joy Shinji was emitting, the freckle-faced youth decided to make a bold play herself, "Oh?" Seating herself next to the veteran, she laid against her arm heavily, smiling coquettishly, "I thought this was all going to be so much _work_."

"It is." Not even remotely close to naïve, she simply lifted her arm up and pulled Hikari into a side-hug, "I made the classic mistake of assuming that a relationship as pure as the one you two started out with was going to be simple and uncomplicated. No relationship is ever like that. There are _always_ those moments where you need to dig deeper and remember the reason you chose the other person for 'forever'."

Picking up a piece of carrot, she took a small nibble and grinned happily, "There is not a single woman in this house that I'm ashamed of, Misato. Frustrated with from time to time, sure. Irritated with because I'm still figuring them out? Of course. But I have nothing but hope that we'll bond even tighter as the days go by. Shinji will win, because we'll support him. Then, we'll win…because Shinji will be here to support us."

+++++ 14th Angel + 28: Tuesday (117)

"It's a myth," Ritsuko's laugh was both amused and fond. "If we only had enough blood in our bodies to support any one major system at a time, we'd have died out long before we ever had a chance to thrive as a species. Most professional swimmers eat something close to the time they race to make sure they have enough energy to give their best." Slowly walking backwards, Shinji's hands in hers, she led him from the shallower end to where he could continue their lessons from before.

With Maya pushing on his back, encouraging him to keep moving, he looked between the two women, "So…everyone had dinner already?"

"You don't need to eat, so long as you're not raining lightning across the land," his wife patted the small of his back. "So we took the chance to eat, and then kept working towards getting everything ready. It's going to be busy the next several days, which means we need to take the time to help everyone understand the dynamics at play. It's going to be challenging facing the last three Angels, as well as anything SEELE might try, and then everything else that comes along with that, so it's better that we take the time now to set ourselves up for success."

Expertly swimming in place, the former blonde scientist tugged on his hands, "Your wife promised me that if we got you back from the Twelfth Angel she, you, and I would go swimming. You want to help her keep her promises, don't you?"

"Oh," stepping off into the deep end, joining her in staying afloat the traditional way, Shinji turned his body to include Maya in the discussion, "but you knew I'd be coming back."

"They didn't," his wife hopped off the lip of the ramp to join the circle. "At the time, you'll remember, they didn't know anything about what we'd been going through. I had to act like I was terrified, and found that it was easier to act 'desperate'." Preparing herself, she shifted gears towards the 'in control-slash-tease' that always put her husband in the mood, "Besides…now that we're all one big happy family I thought maybe I could combine two fantasies in one." Latching onto Ritsuko's back, she forced her once-most desired woman to swim for two by lightly caressing her more prominent attributes as they demonstrated their buoyancy, "You want her. I want her. It wouldn't be fair to either of us to go first, so why not go together?"

"But…I just," he cut off as Ritsuko pulled herself forward, sandwiching her body between him and his wife and Maya's hands between them.

"Why does that matter?" The scientist frowned cutely as Shinji made a platform of solid water to stand upon, preventing them from sinking like she'd planned on, intending to dunk him to stop him from focusing on what was to her absolute nonsense, "I can _feel_ the idea is intriguing to you, so on a physical level this appeals to you. I don't care that you just showed Misato what sex is with someone who loves you. Your wife came to me with the idea to do this, which means she's ok with everything. So, removing all of those barriers, what is stopping _you_ from enjoying what _we_ have to offer?"

He held both women tightly as he began mentally striking every argument that she'd just struck down. He couldn't deny that the woman between him and his wife was compelling, not in the face of the many times they'd spent their lives together for good or ill. She was brilliant, powerful, gorgeous…and now she was only 'controlled' by Creation. He'd accepted Misato's tendency towards sex as a necessary addition to their bonding, helped by the way she exuded sensuality the instant she felt how he thought about her. "What is it about removing the barriers between us that causes you to go from 'admiring the art' to actively seeking to add to it?"

"Knowing that someone loves you in your mind," Maya tried to help smooth out everything, "is different than knowing it in your soul. Love is an abstract emotion that can either be fleeting or permanent, and it all depends on the person feeling it from another person. But to be loved by you, Pup, is to know it for absolute truth. There is no doubt, no lie, no 'barrier' as you put it. It's all perfectly clear, which makes the decision go from 'maybe' to an enthusiastic 'yes' without any worries that we might be making a mistake. You'll love us the morning after, you'll love us a year after that, a decade, a century…you'll love _us_ while you're causing Hikari to squeak adorably. You don't stop loving us because you're intimate with another woman in the house, that's a level of confidence that your ordinary lady just can't buy."

A look of amused adoration crossed Ritsuko's eyes as she latched onto the wall of the pool, "She squeaks?" Not wanting to pressure him, though desperately wanting him to acquiesce, she helped Maya hold onto the wall before laying back and letting her well-sculpted legs float out, "That fits her so well." The thrill that crawled along her body as her former protégé slid closer, and began to kiss her in what was not simply the next stage in imploring Shinji to explore his boundaries, but also a personal matter between two women was electric. She had to surrender the use of her hands to keep both of them attached to the wall, which meant that Maya could use her hands however she wished. She had to hold on, which meant she had to let go.

Shinji watched a familiar scene as Maya explored her own love with someone else. There was no jealousy, no rancor, no fear of being supplanted. His brow knit as he reconsidered that last point. He didn't fear them finding someone else. He belonged to all of them. By bonding each of the women, he'd brought a situation about that there could be no others before him save those tied to his soul. If, eventually, the women of the household all felt the way about one other woman that Maya and Suzuka felt about one another, or the way that Rose and Hikari felt about one another, there would forever be love, both physical and emotional, right there for the taking. Without him.

Looking around the pool, spying windows into each of the bedrooms that would allow any number of family gatherings to take place as little groups formed naturally out of the aggregate, he let himself ruminate more on the matter. For now, his wife was 'entertaining' his…his Ritsuko. She was his. Just as much as he was hers. Just as much as Hikari and he, or Suzuka and he, or Kodama and he all belonged to one another. His body, weak against the desires of the women of the household, had already given every signal it could that he should seriously consider shutting up and allowing the natural order of events to follow. His heart, ever slower to allow itself to act, couldn't deny that the allure was still there. That knowing she wanted his touch set him alight, burning brightly with love and lust in equal…measure. _Balance._

By the time that both women turned to look at him, hoping that the sudden solidification of emotions was about to lead to something positive, he'd disappeared from their sight. Ritsuko frowned, not truly afraid that a man that didn't need to breathe might be drowning, she was more concerned that he'd spoken of balance and left to go find someone else to amuse him while she enjoyed Maya's tender devotions, "Did he leave? I didn't hear-"

By the sudden look on her former senpai's face, Maya could tell that Shinji had either remembered, or guessed at, one of Ritsuko's fantasies. The tuft of white hair that floated to the surface expertly placed his head, and the rounded 'o' of her mouth explained what he was engaged in. As she was about to comment on the Shinji having the woman's tongue, her own button was discovered by him and she was reminded of the fact that as a musician and a pilot, he was quite adept at multitasking when he put his mind to it. Suddenly, the man who remained submerged wasn't the only person that had to worry about drawing in enough air…and she wouldn't have had it any other way.

+++++ 14th Angel + 28: Tuesday (117)

"You two sure have to use the bathroom a lot," Nozomi's face was the picture of affectionate concern, "are you not feeling ok? Kodama-nee-san said once that a lot of stress can cause upset tummies, and I think we have some medicine for that if you need."

Nicolette, struggling herself with 'an upset stomach', had maintained her stage smile the entire time she helped the little ones get ready for bed. Understanding all too well what Akane and Mikoto were needing to tend to when they left, she kept the girls ignorant of the truth, "It _has_ been a very stressful time for us, Nozomi. I'm hoping that we'll all have a good time tomorrow, though. Are you two sure you can make enough cards for everyone? That's an awful lot of work."

"They're protecting us," Sakura wobbled on her way to her own bed, still wanting to sleep in the room she shared with Nozomi for now. "We need to show them how much we appreciate them."

"We'll make small cards," Nozomi helped her sister down onto her bed, "using the rosters we got from Uncle Kozo." Looking up to Mikoto, who was fidgeting, she sighed, "Mikoto-nee-san, do you know where the medicines are kept? Kodama-nee-san should be able to show you."

"I'll get what I need, I promise," the skeletal agent assured her charge.

"Not soon enough," Akane muttered under her breath.

+++++ 14th Angel + 28: Tuesday (117)

Having seen Ritsuko off to her own room, Shinji allowed Maya to drag him off to his next stop, though not without appropriate concern, "Are you sure, Maya? I mean…yes, I understand. I think I've realized what it is everyone's trying to get me to see, but shouldn't I spend more time with you? Isn't an hour too little? Normally when we-" He was cut off by her pulling him down into a passionate kiss, his tongue too occupied with hers to continue vocalizing.

 _Things will settle down. For now, you need to have this lesson pounded home. All of us,_ all _of us love you. Not 'like' you. Not 'tolerate' you. Not 'think you're ok, but you need work'. Love. That love takes many forms, but one of the most important forms needs more active tending than it is getting at the moment._ Letting him stand upright, she worked the doorknob behind him, "Trust your Kitten. Have I _ever_ steered you wrong?" Shoving him into the room backwards, she winked, "I'm going to go spend some time with my wife. Well…one of them. Maybe more, who knows?"

As the door closed, he felt the song of a woman he'd most definitely not 'tended to'. Without turning around to face her, he let a sad smile grow on his face, "I am sorry, Rose. I think I promised something to you the other day that I didn't pay off."

"I knew you were going to, once things calmed down enough." The pink-skinned captain's voice carried hints of anxiety, "It's good you didn't…because before we do anything I really ought to tell you a few things."

Turning, he saw lurking in the darkness of the room a sight he'd known more than once in realities that never were, "Is it…that bad?" Kneeling beside her bed, a vorpal knife sitting upon an impossibly soft pillow before her, the ship's captain was nude to the world, "[Song], I can see no possible reason to kill you. Anything you might have done, I-"

"Say nothing," the order was barked out, the tone of command unmistakable. "Allow me to present you my guilt, then choose the manner in which I shall be punished." Gesturing to the other side of the pillow, she begged him with eyes glowing in the shadowed depths of the room, "Please."

"If…that is what you desire," two steps covered the distance, and he placed himself cross-legged on the ground. He was to sit in judgement, determine her failings, and then allow her the chance to kill herself should he not be able to forgive her. In his mind, her concern was overwrought. He'd forgiven Hikari for forcing him to see dead realities, he could forgive anything.

"Thank you." Returning her hands to her lap, she took a few deep breaths, and began, "I knew, before you had told anyone, that you were not from this world. This timeline. This reality. I have not…however," her eyes remained on the knife, "I have not told you that I am from your reality too."

The sensation of his mind seizing filled him, "You…you're from…. How?"

"The Judge that begged me to find peace with you, she felt that I would understand you better…having watched you fight against the Angels once already." She couldn't look at him, "Having watched you be weak. Cowardly. Pathetic. Not understanding your species' motivations, or your struggles. We had occupied a position on the dark side of your moon there, as well. Not taking action, because you were emerging victorious. When Lilith went to pull you through reality, we were poised to strike. We…were going to turn your planet into dust. She froze time, then rewound time, and suddenly I was standing before…her."

The little details that she'd known about him, the things she'd said to him, all began to make sense, "So you knew…that I had run away. You knew that I wasn't the hero people were making me out to be. Which made you angry. Because you thought I was about to do it all over again."

She nodded twice. "The me from…this…." Her voice darkened, "Gentle. She _wanted_ you to be weak. She needed you to fail, so that she could take you home. The conflux of everything…she was going to present you as a prize to the Judges. We would kill the Angels, you would absorb their power, and then you would do anything she asked you to. Because she would praise you, she would have you push all else away. She would say that you had done the right thing by letting such greedy, arrogant, creatures as humanity die. She would have twisted your mind towards the Scions." Slamming her fist on her knee she finally looked up at him in rage, "Me! A _Scion!_ "

"Then," he frowned, remembering the future he'd been shown the night he rode home with Maya, "why show me the future about Hikari? The carriage without means of propulsion, the…medical clinic. Why show me something positive about humanity?"

"Do you remember what she said to you? How the Chosen protected the path? How you couldn't choose your emotions? How you hadn't spoken about people for some time, since the 'victory' on Earth?" She took another deep breath, "How her eyes were a lighter hazel, almost as if she…had a shard implanted." The pink-skinned warrior shrugged, looking away once more, "I've given it a great deal of thought. The more I see of Hikari restored, without the visions plaguing her, the more I realize that the woman you fell in love with would never have been so…eager to leave Earth. To abandon the hard path. To not do what was right. I think Gentle wanted to show you reality after reality, future after future, to find the one she could truly control you within. With Hikari as a puppet, and your mind enslaved by the shard Lilith purged…the shard Gentle put there when she healed your wounds."

Picking up the knife, he planted the point on his fingertip, and twisted the hilt as he thought through his words, "Why tonight?" Nothing she said was her fault. Any more than the failures of other realities was his. The her from this reality was…zealous. The him from this reality quit. "Why not when you first put all of this together?"

"Because it wasn't until tonight, watching you be so…happy…." Her mood darkened, "The crew of my vessel, Shinji, are the best of all possible realities at what they do. The Judges saved specific people, with very specific talents, and they all follow me. They follow me because they have watched you win me over. They have watched as you've changed from a weak, pathetic child into a man willing to stare down the closest thing you've ever known to a divine to ensure freedom. You know how my species works. You know how we communicate. You've spent realities with me, I know you have."

He nodded, understanding how quickly a powerful idea could take root in their collective consciousness, "Why would Gentle kill herself? How could she achieve victory through her own death?"

"…Because she didn't kill herself. She's still alive. In stasis. I caught her sending encoded messages, bouncing them through relays that we wouldn't use for official communications. She's 'gone', Shinji. When I caught her, she wiped her own mind to stop me from learning the truth. The only way I might have learned anything was through the half-formed shard in your body. When that was wiped…you know the rest, I told you myself." Guilt rolled around her face, fighting with the anger present, "I couldn't accept that I was a Scion in this reality. I couldn't admit my shame to you. I could never accept that there was a version of me that was so mindlessly devoted to the Judges that I would…would…."

"So she was sending updates to the Scions, and you've made it look like your ship has been scuttled, because you can't be certain if there are other messages hidden and waiting to be sent," quirking his lip, he began to see the larger picture. "The instant you spin your engines back up, the Scions will know. The three Judges that wanted me dead will know. And they are most likely already sending a fleet this way."

"It took me quite some time to make it here, even with the technology I have. Assuming they've continued to advance, they'll make it a little faster. But physics aren't bendable much further than we've bent them. And when you absorb the next Angel, I doubt they'd stand water's chance in the sun against you." Swallowing, she whispered, "I'm asking you to kill…."

"You're asking me to defend my people." Setting the knife aside, he sighed, "I told you, some time ago, that I would defend my people against anyone who attempted to kill them. Anyone who would not listen to reason. I seem to remember," he shifted closer, pushing her down on the floor, "gifting you my water. Announcing to everyone at my table, that your family," his lips met hers, _was my family_.

 _I'm…supposed to…uhngh…._ As he banished the simple clothes he'd changed into after swimming, she began to squirm with competing desires. Honor, lust, and love all fighting to claim control of what she did next. She wanted to give in. She wanted to let him complete her. She wanted to push him away forever…for a few centuries…for maybe a month or so…she could wait until tomorrow…maybe after someone else…maybe _with_ someone- Shoving him back, she shook her head, "I-I'm supposed to be punished, Shinji. If you know the water ceremony, you know the law."

"I am punishing you." He smiled, gentle understanding flowing from him, "I'm not pushing you against the wall like I said I would." He understood her fear. He knew, all too well, the terror that came with trusting someone with all of your secrets. The burden you gave others when you told them everything. And the weight you carried when the 'you' from other worlds didn't live up to the 'you' that you felt you should be. Picking her up easily, he set her down on the bed, "I guess, if you think about it…I am kind of stabbing you."

Anger, hope, confusion, a hundred emotions raced across her just-alien features, "M-my crew…my _family_ , they'll…they'll want…." As he crawled back atop her, the negative fell by the wayside, replaced with yearning and anticipation.

"With you, until I know them better." He knew the expectations he'd accepted, "A little supervision is accepted in new families, to make sure that I don't-" The sudden presence of another being in the room nearly led to a not inconsiderable amount of violence. The only woman that he believed would interrupt them without using one of the doors, however, was not the woman he now held by the throat off the ground. "A-Amethyst?"

The burst of song was rapid, desperate, and unrelentingly apologetic. She'd not checked what they were doing, thinking them only talking after he'd already mated with three of his clan. She'd forgotten that the modifications made to him enabled far greater capacity, and she should have remembered that he wasn't a typical member of the species he'd descended from. She was just really excited because she had found something that would be considered good news, she hoped, and hey he really does grow substantially when aroused, and why is he putting her down? She likes it when he-

"Use the translator, doctor," Rose's anger had a new target, one external to her existence. "I specifically asked to not be bothered tonight unless it was a matter of life or death."

"But it is a mattah of life," her accent was odd, a happy, clipped, carefree sound. "Mistah Shinji has been in the dumps since he lost those two gals, and aftah I found the mahkah fah-"

"Amethyst," Shinji had no doubt that the woman before him was the same as she had been in many other lives they've lived. Her diction coming loose when excited…or aroused, "If I kiss you, would you please focus on your enunciation? A little payment, and in exchange you stop slurring your words?"

"Oh ya know I'd do anythin' fah ya, Mistah Shinji," twisting her shoulders coyly, she grinned up at him. " _Anythin'_."

Bending down, he took her chin between his thumb and forefinger and kissed her the way she usually adored. Clean, simple, without any embellishments. Lingering just long enough to make sure that she didn't feel he skimped on the payment, he stood back upright, and smiled, "There. Now, please focus on your words."

"And make them as short as possible," Rose appended, not wishing to delay their union.

Amethyst warily eyed her captain, "I can create a clone of the yellow-haired woman. The pilot?"

"You…what?" Shinji felt his body go cold, "I-I'm sorry, I…."

"The scan." Rose pieced it together faster, having more immediate knowledge of the technology at play, "When I scanned her for contaminants, you took a copy of her brain." She looked to her [Song], "Remember? The conversation where you figured out that I was the origin of the song you'd been humming along with me?"

"Standard protocol, when dealing with unanticipated loss of consciousness. The potential for a mental block, or a species with telepathic conditioning, means that I record a copy of how her mind was formed at regular intervals. She wasn't even dreaming, which made it rather simple. I have twenty three distinct copies of the same record, and the variance between them is so minor as to be completely negligible." The doctor was now in 'professorial mode', which meant she spoke much slower, and clearer, to not lose Shinji in the translation. She held up her hand for patience, "However, there are some drawbacks. Cloning her without an animator, appropriate etheric material, would leave her right back where we started. Inanimate, unconscious, and more or less a mockery of life." She saw him sag, and rushed to encourage him, "But if we ask Lilith, she'd surely return the soul! I can't see why ya wouldn't be able ta convince the-"

Shinji stopped her by the expedient of touching her lips with his trembling fingertips, "Slow down. Did you just say Lilith has Noelle's soul?"

"She was a Lilin, Shinji," Rose moved around to stand near the other two, taking note of the doctor's worsening blush at his touch. "She's where all their souls go, when they die. To be released by Instrumentality into the gestalt."

"Amethyst," he looked down at the doctor, her eyes springing back up to his from points south, "when you say 'clone'…."

"I…may have borrowed her corpse." Bracing herself for the typical reaction to graverobbing, she grinned helplessly, "Replaced it with something equally…burnt." Her eyes twitched towards her commanding officer, "It was a once in a lifetime chance ta study a specimen that wouldn't be missed by th' local populace. We weren't going ta use hah fah anything, and it's not like weah suddenly gonna be in _moah_ trouble with th' Scions because we-"

Rose's jaw dropped, "You killed me without telling me? Her…you know what I mean!"

"I cannot, by law, kill something what has no brainwaves," the medical professional scowled. "She was dead. By every law in th' books, dead. I kept hah alive at yer _request_ , not yer ordah."

"I never even asked about the funeral." Shinji suddenly realized how little he'd actually processed of Noelle's death, the number of questions he'd never asked, the actions he'd never taken. Zeruel's attack, the journey through reality, everything had pushed her loss far enough away that he hadn't actually stopped to…. "I…she's…."

"We can bring her back," Rose, in a fit of personal shamelessness after the way he'd forgiven her for potentially asking him to murder millions, wanted to find a way to recover the mood they'd had going. He'd shifted her to their bed, he had been quite ready to demonstrate the depth of his affection for her. Suddenly, out of nowhere, _good news_ was blocking her from proceeding! If avoiding that fate meant celebrating the potential for the return of another woman, then that's what it meant. She'd cooperate with Lilith, she'd drag her doctor into the bed with them if necessary! "Perhaps you not grieving yet is a blessing, not a curse. We could bring her back, demand that Lilith prove her loyalty, you could bond her! Forget what Creation has decided, _you_ could demand that she be included in your life forever!"

"What? No," he blinked, drawn out of his own downward spiral by the mere thought of him actually making a demand of that magnitude, "I-I'm bound by the rules of the house. You know that. If, if we bring her back she'd need to-"

"I'd consent, Maya and Hikari have already consented, Suzuka was onboard with the idea when she lived here with her for those few days, and if Kodama says 'No' I'll eject myself from my ship without a suit on," Rose could feel the evening slipping out of their grasp. "If _she_ says 'No' after you bring her back to life, I'll eject myself into your star! She loved you, that's why she ran away. She felt she'd failed, she was depressed, she needed some time away. You know how that feels, if we can do this, we can correct a terrible wrong!"

"But…what about everyone else who's died?" The moral implications began to entrench themselves, "Toshiro, and…and Kaz, there were three other people who died in that room. Can…can we just…."

"I don't really have theyah bodies," Amethyst felt sheepish, bringing the idea up without having thought through his rather valid ethical question. "I'm kinda pushin' it with th' woman what I'm fixin'. Put hah in stasis tah stop decay when I realized what yowah doctah gave me in th' recahds on th' blue-haired lady an' hah clonin' processes. It takes a lotta material tah clone somethin' right. In a few [Song], maybe we can do bettah?"

Following the same train of logic that had encouraged him to seek permission from Thor and Jorth, he set about thinking through if Noelle had ever mentioned family beyond The Damned. "I…I need to talk to her family. They…." He sagged, "They'd of course want her back. I want her back. I just…what possible right do I have to decide who gets a second chance? Does everyone? Do I just start bringing everyone back to life on Earth? But then I'd be…I can't let everyone know you exist. I'm…I'm hiding my _family_. What kind of monster am I?"

Rose wanted to scream every curse she'd ever learned at her doctor, watching as Shinji sat heavily at her desk. He had, subconsciously, dressed in the clothes he'd arrived in once more and was staring at the floor muttering to himself as he tried to piece together some form of moral framework that would allow him to feel as if he was making an appropriate decision. He was, as frustrating as it had become to her, a god without an example to steer by. Snarling out a burst of music, she sent her crewmember scampering back to the ship to begin the process. Whether he wanted to admit it or not, the ability to even moderately fix a terrible wrong trumped the concern that this might be seen as 'selfish' by others. Swallowing her anger, she found her clothing and began to dress herself, "I am going to go hunt down Lilith. All of our questions are semantic until we know for certain that she has the woman's soul in her ocean."

"If she comes back…how do we convince the government to reinstate her as a citizen of…of anywhere?" He stared at the pink-skinned beauty blankly, "What does death even _mean_ if we can just…resurrect them?"

"Shinji," stomping on her boots, she sighed, "my people have lived without death as a constant for a very, very long time. Our immortality changed a great deal about our culture, how we explored the stars, how we fought amongst ourselves, how we allocated resources. _We_ are bringing her back to life, not humanity. _They_ don't have the resources to engage in what you're contemplating, and we're borrowing things from your planet to do what we're doing. Perhaps," she lifted his chin up to kiss him tenderly, _you should consider this a gift from me. Instead of an obligation on your part. I'll explain to the others why this is possible, and what we're doing._ Breaking the kiss, she urged him upright, "We're going to change the order of events somewhat. Go find your agents, and tell them plans have changed. I'll arrange everything else."

+++++ 14th Angel + 28: Tuesday (117)

"How is this even a discussion?" Hikari looked around the room, everyone save Kelly, Shinji and the agents, and the little ones now sitting along the couch, "If we can bring her back we bring her back!" She turned to her sister, "We'd bring Daddy back if we could, but we both know we can't. I understand that he's going to hurt for everyone that's dying on the planet, but we can barely feed the population we have now. To say nothing of the political chaos it would cause."

Misato rubbed her eyes, "What happens if one of us dies? Is it possible to undo death, now?"

"You're making a lot of assumptions," Ritsuko scoffed. "One, what is happening is cloning. Not resurrection. The woman that wakes up wherever this is done will not be the same woman who burned to death. That's just not how cloning works. If it did, we wouldn't have had the problems we had with Rei. She'd forget things, or have to relearn things, and we used strictly monitored processes to keep up on her memories as it was."

"Our science is a little more advanced," Rose smirked. "The scans we have, all twenty-three of them, will give us a clone that is completely indistinguishable from the woman who lost consciousness. The same memories, the same personality, the same dreams, the same quirks. It will _be_ her. She'll have to adjust to a new body, and her muscle memory may be slightly delayed, but this will be the same woman."

"The Ship of Theseus," Maya groaned. "Or, more colloquially, the Transporter Problem."

"She is going to have some existential dilemmas that very few people will ever truly understand," Kodama agreed. "Her and Shinji, maybe you Suzuka-san."

"Each time we fall asleep, the 'us' that wakes up is a far different creature than the 'us' that lost consciousness," the swordswoman shrugged. "We have learned, grown, changed. Our dreams have taken us to places our body may never go, undergone delusions both inflicted and incited by the reality we left behind. Ultimately the question remains unchanged from when Zhūangzi stated, 'Now I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly, dreaming I am a man.' We all change, and between what we are and what we become there is always a distinction. Her soul, the piece we must wrest from Lilith, is the distinction to be focused upon. The body, ultimately, is merely a vessel for it."

"A body that will receive love, affection, and care," Hikari asserted once more. "She will be Noelle Minders, and that is that."

"She'll be Noelle Ikari," Kodama shrugged. "If we're going to go to all of this effort, let's not allow her to run away again. I say we push her and Shinji in a room, perhaps with one or two others, and force them to come to an understanding."

Yang brought Shinji's mindset to bear, "What if she doesn't want to be tied to us?"

"Then she won't be Noelle," Misato announced flatly. "She loved him. Deeply, dearly, loved him. That was never in doubt. She ran away because she parked the plane hard, harming a lot of people, and then had to watch as Rei was infested, Asuka attacked, and Shinji dropped into a hole in reality. If she comes back as she left, she'll want in. I'm confident of it. We just need to let her and Shinji talk. And all agree that sex is going to happen."

"I'll sit in with them," Hikari volunteered. "I know that she and I were coming to understand one another, and I've been heartbroken at her loss. If life would stop slapping us around for a few minutes, I'd probably even find more time to cry."

"I will too," Maya nodded. "She was honestly the first woman we were officially considering for the position. I think she'd be most comfortable having the discussion with the three of us. Having to spell out everything that happened…I really hope she doesn't remember burning alive."

"She'll remember what she remembers," Rose stated firmly. "I don't mind cloning her body, I don't mind reduplicating her mind to put inside of that body, but I will not alter her memories. That would be as unethical as stuffing someone else's soul in her body, and I won't do it."

"Ethics were a secondary concern to surviving an Angel's attack," Ritsuko retorted with a touch of heat, sensitive to criticism of a decision she had no choice but to abide by. "We did what we had to do in order to survive."

Kodama balked at that, "Which is why the one person who's managed to get us this far was sent away to live with a physically and emotionally abusive monster?" She looked to Misato, "I liked Rei-chan. I think what happened to her was garbage. But I still refuse to condone creating a fleet of clones with the express intent of throwing them at a problem like some demented human tide."

The lavender-haired warrior couldn't disagree entirely, "The only person who can explain why he did what he did is Gendo Ikari. As to Rei-chan…it's easy to judge someone else's decisions when you're not the one responsible for mankind's survival. When you have nothing but bad decisions in front of you, choosing the least bad one is oftentimes a luxury."

Tsuru chimed in, surprising Hikari, "Let one field flood so you can house and save the animals in another. Send two men into the tunnel to dam it up, knowing only one will be coming back out." She looked over to her class rep with a sorrowful expression, "It takes a strong heart to live with the terrible choices we have to make sometimes. As much as we'd like there to be 'a better way'…there isn't always one."

"Which is why we're doing what we're doing," Hikari motioned for everyone to try and retain the unity they'd forged. "Shinji can't possibly make every decision on his own, and all of us have our own modes of thinking. We can debate things amongst ourselves, heatedly if that's what it takes, and then take our ideas to him afterwards. We'll write out our opinions, let him review them, and then trust in him to do what he feels is best."

"If he has to make a quick decision, it's better that he does it with a diversity of viewpoints in mind, rather than just Lilith's," Yang agreed. "I may not agree with the seduction plan entirely, but I completely agree that we need to make certain he's coming to all of us, rather than any one of us."

Suzuka shrugged, an elegant motion on her, "This remains the least bad option, as Tsuru-chan so cleanly put it. His reticence with sexuality remains, despite increasing opportunities to engage in it. He views love as zero sum game, still, and we cannot succeed against a being whose wiles are aided by unnatural powers so long as he believes himself to be taking from us, instead of sharing between. We are, ultimately, stuck at the mercy of the situation we helped create. We enabled his chastity, emboldened and praised him for not being the kind of man who takes liberties with the hosts of eager women that have surrounded him. We have, in deriding what has come before his presence in our lives, allowed it to be weaponized against us."

"It made sense at the time," Maya's words were quiet, the situation hanging heavily off of her. "If I hadn't pushed to join…I opened the floodgates. He was adamant, he would not accept anyone else."

"No." Misato slapped her hand on her knee, "No we are not going to start blaming ourselves one at a time for what's happened. This isn't on him. This isn't on us. This isn't even on God, or Creation, or whatever you want to term it. The situation exists as it exists. He loves us. We love him. This is just sex. For fuck's sake, ladies, two thirds of us have done it with him already. One of us is pregnant by him. It's far too late to be worrying about it now. If you don't want to, then don't. But don't sit here and complain because those of us who want to are going to in order to stop him from-"

"From what?" A new voice sounded from behind the arc of the couch, "I'd sit very still, Suzuka dear. If we're going to come to blows, it should not be in an area where others could be harmed. Carrying his children or no, I will not go quietly, and unlike you I don't have any desire to see harm come to someone he loves." Lilith stood with her hands braced against the back of the sofa, leaning forward and seeming very tired, "I'm not here to fight. I'm not here to argue. I'm here to tell you something, and then I will leave again if that's what will keep the peace."

"We were actually looking for you," Hikari, who happened to be the person she loomed over, leaned her head back between Lilith's arms and reached up to gently hold the elder being's wrists. "Do you think, instead of fighting, you might be willing to talk to me and Rose?"

Suzuka was not having any of it, "Child, I-"

The class rep's head snapped down to glare at the woman who served as his weapon, "The household remains Our domain, by His decree. We outrank you, as the first wife, and are well within Our rights to assert His authority to grant safe passage." Narrowing her eyes as she saw Suzuka's lip twitch, she refused to back down, "Should she even dream of harming Us, your point will have been proven. As Our husband recently declared, 'Who dares, wins'."

"We're all going to play nicely," Rose kept her eyes on Lilith, who in turn kept her eyes on the fish tank. "Once we ask our question, maybe we can even start to show some good faith in other ways. Now that he's not here to be angry, there's nothing stopping us from having a nice calm chat," she looked askance at the eternal warrior, "except you wanting to cut off her head."

"Irritability and mood swings are common among my children, during pregnancy," Lilith's voice remained even. "Your anger at me is…misplaced. I told both you, and dear Maya, that someone was pushing people into place in our relationship. Just after he caught Sahaquiel, and spent a few years observing everything in his soul. I was mistaken, however, in thinking that it was the Judges. This has not come out of nowhere, nor is it as simple as dear Misato thinks it to be. Shinji is plagued with doubts, and part of the answer is he accepts that love and lust need to coexist in this household. The other part is he needs to come to grips with the fact that balance requires a little more than a few babies and a few dead Angels." Finally looking at Suzuka, she continued to demonstrate her fatigue, "You were supposed to keep me from losing my temper, not lose your own."

"How many of his friends," Suzuka left the remainder unstated.

"Damn it all, Suzuka," Hikari leaned forward, "did you know that 'zero' is also a valid response to that question? If I asked Tsuru how many times she punched Sakura today, would you demand a blood duel before you thought of that fact? This Tabris also said he didn't want to _kidnap_ Nozomi. That's because he wanted to _kill_ Nozomi. This is the same man that carved 'failure' into a woman for Kaji-san's inability to keep Shinji from Adam. Who set poor Bardiel-san in the trap that lost us Rei-chan! Why on Earth would I trust _him_ over a woman that has tried desperately to help Shinji? I accept that Shinji might miss things, a part of his difficulties with socializing is that he misses the forest for the trees from time to time. You? I'm starting to think you're a lot more affected by the twins than you think you are. _I_ picked up on this. You should have been way out ahead of me." Standing, she gestured to her bedroom, "Rose, Lily, if you would be so kind as to head in there and wait. I need to make things perfectly clear before we start."

+++++ 14th Angel + 28: Tuesday (117)

"You're a better driver than ninety nine percent of the idiots out there, license or no, kid," Akane patted him on the shoulder as they walked into the dive. "The three of us are going to have a few drinks, you're going to drive us home, everyone comes out ahead."

"Unwind," Mikoto hugged him from the side. "Let loose."

"The ladies at home know about the situation. I know I have my opinions, but you trust them to come up with something logical and sensible, right?" Nicolette was on his other side, her arm across his back just above his hips, "This is more of that delegation Nozomi's been saying you need to learn. Rose knows what to ask, and we're here to stop you from spinning up further."

"Oi, Barkeep," Akane waved at the man behind the counter, "we're off duty. Keep 'em coming."

The solidly built man took note of Shinji, and inclined his head slightly, his face otherwise remaining impassive. Shinji's second time now in a bar, this one not the Officer's Club, he continued to be surprised that nobody was raising a fuss about him being seventeen in a place where he ought not be. Returning the man's gesture, to be polite, he let himself be guided further in to a free table.

The room was well kept, in the sense that it was clean and everything functioned. He recognized the telltale signs of 'shabby chic', and guessed that everything was as it was because it might at some point end up broken and the repair costs were lower if the furniture wasn't hard enough to break anything else it might collide with at high speed. The patrons around him seemed to be a group of regulars, comfortable with the venue and each other, save for a corner that had been occupied by several people whose songs sang of unfriendliness and anger. As they reached their seats, he noticed something that was truly out of place, "A piano?"

"Huh?" Akane followed his eyes, "Yeah, nobody ever plays it that I'm aware of. Last time someone sent a stool too close during a brawl though, Barkeep broke his arm in three places."

"He's a bruiser," Mikoto nodded.

The man in question had quietly approached, setting down a rounded tray with three pitchers and four cups, "On your tab, Agent?" His voice was as soft as mist, his song speaking of a life without much in way of anxiety, "Or are you forcing the Paladin to pay?"

Shinji's wallet was already in his hand, and he offered the man a bill that would more than cover several rounds for the entire room even if it were at maximum capacity, "I believe it is usually accepted that a new patron who intends to frequent an establishment makes a good faith gesture to the other usual customers, to help them feel comfortable with their space being invaded. Perhaps you could make certain that the regulars are given something they might enjoy, so long as they haven't reached their limit already."

Dexterous fingers accepted the note and set it safely out of sight, "Of course. I look forward to seeing you more often, then. No need to worry about your age, people come here to set aside what happens outside of those doors. The detective at the bar asked that I let you know he's armed, to make certain you aren't nervous about the reprobates in the back."

Shinji shook his head, "If it becomes a problem, I'd prefer to handle it myself. They couldn't hurt me if they tried, and it would be a shame if anyone had to die because of either a misunderstanding or a lack of restraint." His eyes flicked to the piano, the idea rolling in his head for a second before he decided better of it, "Would you happen to have any kaki-pi?"

"Certainly." The man nodded again, understanding that the conversation had ended for the moment and departing.

Mikoto's song blushed as Shinji sat next to her, his hand gripping her knee firmly in thanks. The skeletal agent allowed Akane to pour out the drinks, before taking Shinji's glass and setting it before him, "He means it. Outside the door stays outside."

"Same as back home," Nicki tried her beer, pursing her lips as she worked on identifying the brand. "We have a place we all go to, after things went sideways. It was louder, though. There's enough people here for near to midnight, but most of them are being kinda quiet for a bar."

"Give it a bit," Akane laughed, taking the bowls of mixed nuts and rice crackers from the proprietor. "A few minutes to feel out the situation, everyone will be back to arguing about fish, or baseball, or hitting baseballs with fish. Never about hitting fish with baseballs, though."

It was an effort on his part to relax, the idea that he might see Noelle again fighting with the ethics of _only_ seeing Noelle again. What he hadn't mentioned, and was trying doubly hard to let go of, was the nagging fear that he might soon be able to bring others back without cloning them. If he could summon water, or fish, what stopped him from summoning humans? A ruckus from the bar broke into his thoughts, natural instincts causing him to flinch and turn. What he saw, instead of the potential for harm, was several groups of men and women turning to salute him with their drinks. Letting a laugh out as his nerves settled, he raised his own glass to recognize their gratitude. _Need to leave the outside, outside._

 _Might not hurt,_ Mikoto tapped his knee with hers. "Standard rules. Last one standing rides shotgun."

"What's our limit?" Akane was already three quarters of the way through her first glass, "Three pitchers isn't enough to fill _him_ , let alone us."

Shinji wasn't concerned about money, he had far too much that he'd been given as a stipend from the women that handled his finances and hadn't spent on anything, "I'm buying, so whatever my girlfriends want, they get."

"Hey," the senior-most agent frowned, "you haven't asked me yet."

"It's true," Nicki smiled cheekily. "We've not been asked."

"I'm good," Mikoto sat back, a content look on her face.

Akane rolled her eyes, "Bitch."

"His bitch, now." The playful tone she announced it in stopped Shinji's natural response, allowing her to look askance at him, "It's true."

The pixie-like blonde sighed, "It's something I love about you, Shinji, but I can't disagree that you might need to change…how, I guess, you are around some of us." Gesturing with her mug towards Mikoto, she continued the lesson, "She's not like you. She's older, wiser, and has been gifted something she never thought even remotely possible. You can't hide your love for her from her, because I know you haven't been able to hide it from me. So while I tease, and Akane's serious about wanting to hear the words for the novelty of them, she's _eager_ to submit to you. Don't force her to be something she's not, because honestly? We're not forcing you to change."

"Isn't it…bad, though, to…I don't know…." He couldn't quite phrase out his objection, the concept of being willingly owned one that he understood far too well. He was fine being owned. It made things easier, simpler. But he had to let go of that some time ago, and couldn't disagree that he was healthier for seeking ways to command his own life where he could. He wanted that for Mikoto too, but again he couldn't disagree that she was in charge of her own life. He didn't tell her what to wear, or what to eat, and if all she wanted was him to act like he owned her….

"It's so fascinating watching him piece things together," Akane poured herself another mug. "It's even more interesting when you can _feel_ him piecing it together." Sipping at her drink she eyed him expectantly, "Well?"

He evaded, intending on playing back, "I've never asked anyone out before." Taking another long drink, he kept his hand moving along Mikoto's leg, "Hikari asked me, and she asked Maya. Kodama and Suzuka asked me. Rose offered. The more I think about it, I have no experience to speak of in this life. Seems awfully complex, really. I mean, Nicki gets me. She's my partner already, and a dance partner in some ways has an even more intimate trust than a girlfriend. A girlfriend rarely has to have complete confidence that her boyfriend is going to catch her after he throws her violently into the air in a controlled twist. So she's beyond that simple term already. Miki-chan…belongs to me. I didn't need to ask, because she knows her place." The sudden spike of lust from the woman he touched was nearly overwhelming. "Asking you to be my girlfriend? That's an awful lot to ask…of a kid."

"Boom!" Nicki slapped the table, laughing uproariously, "Careful, my man's got knives hidden up those sleeves."

Mikoto herself was mixing amused laughing with subtle motions of her chair towards his, saying without words that her partner had set herself up for that kind of a jab. That she didn't speak was itself a signal that Shinji hadn't erred, allowing the scene to play out as it might without intervening between two people she loved.

"You asked Maya to marry you, you asked Hikari to marry you, you gave Suzuka the paperwork, and you gave Kodama the paperwork," Akane's song didn't match her irritated tone, the lanky woman ecstatic that Shinji was willing to play with her. "You can ask people to commit to you for life, but you can't ask a girl to go steady with you?"

"There's a lot less risk in asking someone to be with me forever," he squeezed Mikoto's thigh hard, smiling fondly at Nicolette. "It's simple, after a fashion. I put all of my chips on the table, and win or lose I've given everything I have to offer. This is far more complex. I have to hold myself back, not overwhelm you with who and what I am. I have to take those little steps, with the ridiculously large feet I have, instead of just diving in and accepting what comes of it as inevitable."

"Our man is incredibly uncomplicated, it's why I like him so much," twisting in her seat, Nicki put her feet up on Shinji's leg in a bold request for equal physical affection to that which he was giving Mikoto. There was no jealousy in her song, only an eagerness to be touched and loved as well, "I don't need to hear him ask me to be his girl, because I'm already his woman, just like he's my man."

He knew he was speaking about his situation with Noelle, and he was fairly certain that the other women at the table knew as well. The hesitation, the dancing around, the pure, unfiltered trust that he'd been given, all worked together with the deceased pilot to create a situation where all it would have taken was a few, simple, words. He'd never let another person suffer like that, not for his sins. Curling his mouth in a half grin, he shrugged, "I would be honored to know that a woman like you was interested in being with an idiot like me, Akane. I would hurt to lose you," changing his grip on the two women beside him, he gently caressed them both, "any of you."

"I already told you…Shinji," Akane let the act drop, revealing the woman behind the mask, "the only way Miki and I leave you is by crossing the river. That was true before we were bonded, and it's even more true now that I know exactly how you feel. But that does come with some complications."

"No hurting yourself," Mikoto declared, with dire seriousness.

"No taking everything on yourself, you have partners," Nicki added. "We're not just pretty vases waiting for you to smile at us and tell us how wonderful we are."

"And you have to take from us, from time to time," Akane finished. "We know you prefer to be the one doing for everyone, and that you think letting others do for you is hurtful to them, but I happen to like the thought of seeing how you taste. You already know it feels good to make others feel good, so don't take that away from us. That's selfish."

This wasn't the first time he'd been told that, and as much as it hurt to admit he knew he was being selfish. The joy he experienced each time someone smiled at him for doing something, it was all his. He didn't have to share that joy with anyone, "But I need to share." Speaking the last of his thought out loud, he laughed quietly, "I'm still kind of childish, in some ways." Resuming his touches, he smiled his warm smile, "Tonight was…."

Akane seemed to tense as his silence lingered on, "Hesitation there isn't great. You're smiling, but you're hesitating."

"I would, right now, be more than glad to share myself with any of the three of you," admitting it relieved some of the pressure that had built in his mind. "How terrible is that? I have…several wives, any of which has made it perfectly clear that they are both eager and willing to tend to that kind of a desire. Kodama alone would tie me to the bed and never let me leave if I allowed her to. But it's…bizarre," tipping his head slightly towards the bar, and one of the women sitting there accepting drinks from a number of the men present, he shrugged, "she's pretty. Her song is sad, and she hates herself. She's physically compelling, sure, but I don't feel towards her what I felt the first time I laid eyes on any of you."

Mikoto looked at the woman in question, at her well-proportioned figure and sparkling hair, "Prettier than I am."

Nicki was curious, "But you wouldn't, if she offered and everyone was willing?"

"Nothing," he ducked his head down to indicate his body. "No…twitch? Impulse? There's nothing compelling me towards her. All of you know what I've done tonight, and that's…terrifying, but and this is actually even more terrifying, I'm actually finding myself to be _eager_ to…."

"Rewind this conversation a few steps," Akane's grin became curious. "The first time you saw me, you were standing outside Katsuragi's apartment complex. I gave you a 'go ahead' sign for Toshiro's kid, knowing that you two were just cleaning the place, you returned the gesture like you were terrified of me. Do you normally look like you're staring at a predator when you're sexually interested in someone?"

Nicki laughed happily, "Would a 'yes' there really shock you?" Tapping his quad with her heel, she smirked, "Let's be perfectly honest, his first time with Hikari was not a 'magical experience', it was a rollercoaster ride of terror experienced by him and a great deal of tolerant patience from her."

"Nothing wrong with being afraid," Mikoto slipped his hand higher up her leg, hiding the motion as reaching for some of the mixed snacks.

"You're far closer to right than wrong," Shinji admitted with a touch of red in his cheeks. "She loved it, said that it was everything she'd ever wanted. Not once did she lie, and she was _very_ thorough in explaining what she liked about it as she encouraged me to repeat things."

"You, on the other hand," Akane laughed, "were a gibbering mess mentally."

He nodded, then looked down to his cup, "That's not kissing and telling, right?"

"That's another thing you should stop," Nicolette asserted quickly. "You need to share with us what it is you're thinking, even when it's about one of us. If we're all going to be in this together, we've got to overcome that social phobia of upsetting each other with petty nonsense. 'Hikari absolutely loved what I did, but I was worried the entire time I was failing', is not bad intel to share. 'Hikari hated it, and I didn't know until later', would also be something we could _help with_. This isn't us judging, Shinji, this is us trying to grow closer to each other." She looked to Mikoto, "Right?"

The scarecrow's eyes held worries of their own, "What'd you do?"

Looking around, he switched channels, _Shower. There was a bench in the shower in the hotel room, and she sat facing me across my…yeah. I kind of…supported her, and then helped her in moving…using my strength._

 _So wait,_ Akane took a deep drink, _you did all of the physical work?_

 _I had to,_ he frowned as all three women seemed irritated. _She was recovering from the surgery, remember? After we tried out a few things, I dried her off and we moved to the bed. I'd say that things were far more 'traditional' there. Kissing…places, then more with her on her back where it was less risk of damaging anything._

 _This is, again, Shinji we're talking about,_ Nicolette scowled into her mug before downing it in one go. _He wanted the evening to be perfect for her. When was the last time he asked for anything for him, that either of you can remember? Even his declaration that he'd accept no more women wasn't for him. It was for us._

He looked between all three women, confused, _What's wrong with making the night special for her? She…well, if I'm lucky, she'll only ever have one engagement celebration._

 _What about your evening?_ Mikoto took his hand and finished its journey, setting him to rubbing her with a sad smile, _You were getting engaged too._

 _You made your first night all about the woman, kid,_ Akane tried to help him understand their position. _That's great, in romance novels for women. The horseshit about men already being lucky to get some is just that. Did she even offer to return some of the 'kissing places'?_

 _I…I wouldn't have asked her to do that,_ he remembered the agent's fondness for the act, it having been responsible for many of their more confused arguments in those lives they'd shared. _I'm still conflicted about the whole thing._

 _Swear on my mother's grave, you start spouting crap about it being demeaning to give what you're more than willing to take, and I'm coming over this table,_ she slammed her mug down and eyed him sternly.

 _Barkeep doesn't like it when people do that in here,_ Mikoto purred. _Petting is fine, kissing is fine, no blowjobs._

 _We leave now, you forfeit the competition,_ Nicki added smugly. _Remember, he's not asking us to change. That means we're not asking him to_ change _. He'll accept that we'd like to try things, because I know that I have a few things I'm positive he's not done yet with the others, because he loves us. In exchange, we give him a chance to do what he'd prefer._ Taking another mug's worth of beer, she gave him a 'come hither' smile, _When he likes what we do, he'll ask for it more. Maybe, and this is not an indictment of Hikari, she doesn't have the necessary skills to really show him what a gifted orator can accomplish._

 _Everyone has their talents. Hers are probably focused in romantic acts,_ Mikoto agreed, pushing Shinji's fingers harder against herself, the heat building higher and higher as she remained outwardly impassive.

 _We're being honest…right?_ Shinji could nearly taste the lust permeating him, _Why aren't you two upset that she's…._

 _Because it's relaxing you?_ Akane tilted her head, _You're making her happy. That's making you happy. When you get happy, you get quiet._

 _You'll give us both a little touch later, right?_ Nicolette tugged her foot free of her shoe, sliding her stockinged toes upwards along his leg, _Or more. You said, yourself, that you're both willing and even eager._

 _Not if…uhm,_ his pulse began to throb at the two women teaming up on him, _n-not if you're drunk._

 _Hard to get drunk on so little beer,_ Akane set aside the second empty pitcher. _We'll be plenty sober. My return question, since you asked one of us, is will you be fine walking into the house we share and straight into one of our rooms? This is, after all, our first date._

 _Known each other for months,_ Mikoto amended.

 _He's known us longer than that, based on his little trip through reality,_ Nicolette nodded. _I wonder…did I ever have any time with you? Was I still me?_ Kneading him with her toes, she continued working on her glass, _Did some other idiot wearing my face hurt a good man that tries his best?_

 _You're…uhm,_ he couldn't maintain the outwardly unbothered façade they managed, _you're not them. I…worry, about what others think of you…in the house, and out of the house._

Akane scoffed, _You wouldn't be the first man I've fucked after a reasonable date. Miki-chan and I aren't exactly bastions of purity, Shinji. Hope that's not breaking your heart._

 _I,_ shifting his hand, he picked up Nicki's foot and set it away from where she'd been manipulating, _I'd rather not have a mess all over myself._ Retrieving his other hand, he hardened his heart against the frustration in Mikoto's song, _I don't care that you had a life before I came along. I care that you understand what you're getting into._

 _House full of women, a man that never needs to sleep, eat, or drink, lots of chaos, serious need for people to be monitored for safety, lots of little children, oh, and I'm immortal._ Her eyes filled with pity, _You have got to stop thinking we're idiots. If the spirits decided that I'm stuck with you for the rest of time, then I'm just lucky you aren't ugly, mean, or prone to picking your teeth at the table._

 _That is a nasty habit, I agree,_ Nicki nodded.

Mikoto laid her head on his shoulder, _You don't know where we've been. You shouldn't assume that we can do better. If we could, we'd have better already. We're adults._

 _I haven't had a man yet be able to get over the fact that I've killed more people than he has. Or that I've had more sex. Or that I drive better. Or drink more._ Akane hefted her seventh mug, _I'm looking at someone who wasn't lying when he said he doesn't care that I've had a bunch of dick. Someone who I can only pray doesn't match my kill count. Someone who might, eventually, drive better than I do because he's a cheating asshole with super-reflexes,_ she grinned playfully. _Someone who accepts that my past is just that. You, my dear boyfriend, are my future. I, apparently, am your Shadow._

 _I'm the Dancer,_ Nicki frowned. _I have no idea what that means, though. At least you probably will end up doing what we always do, gathering intel and keeping people safe._

 _At least you know your name,_ Mikoto wrapped both of her hands around one of Shinji's. _I don't know my part._

 _Whatever you want it to be,_ Shinji let her clutch him close, sensing that she was worried he was upset with her for her desires. _I don't care what Creation says, or thinks, I just want to keep all of you alive long enough to find a way to let you do and be what you want._

The skeletal agent looked up at him, a sudden anger to her words, _I want you. I want you to look at me the way you do. I want to have you sit with me in the bath, and hold me like I'm not diseased somehow._

 _Steady, Miki-chan_ , Akane waved her hand gently. _Don't let the alcohol run away with you._ She smiled weakly at the man they shared, _She's a lightweight. Always has been. It's why she hasn't been pounding them back like Nicolette and I._

Leaning down and kissing Mikoto tenderly, Shinji forced a balance between affection and what her body was screaming for, _You aren't diseased. Whoever told you that you were, is a terrible person that didn't deserve to know you._ Looking up to the clock behind the bar and noticing that the day was close to shifting over to a new chance to fail, he decided that there was something he could do to help all three women in general, and the confused welter of emotions that was now fussing with the buttons on his shirt in specific, "I'll ask if he'll let me play." Disengaging himself gently, he motioned to the large man behind the counter, "Is the piano available, sir?"

"First thing you play is the sheet music," the answer seemed rote. "I feel you do a good enough job, you can play what you like."

It was a reasonable precaution in his opinion. It stopped people from just banging away at the keys of what appeared to be a well-maintained, and dreadfully expensive, instrument. Leaving the table behind, he pulled out the sturdy bench before the piano and settled down to scan over the unlabeled composition, immediately recognizing it as the third movement of what most people would refer to as the 'Moonlight Sonata'. _Easy enough._ Starting in with the life and verve that the piece demanded of the pianist, he quickly had a bright smile on his face. The memories of several lives where he'd taught children that none of the women he was with would ever know, of lives where he taught the women themselves, of lives where the music was the only thing that would allow him to _breathe_.

His fingers flew across the keys, his unnatural sense of rhythm and timing on display to full effect. Beyond the piano, listening to a spontaneous gift, most of the bar's patrons were enraptured. The Barkeep himself had a fuller smile than usual, not at all surprised that Shinji had not only not been looking at the paper containing the nearly impossible challenge for the average human, but had gone well past the cutoff for the challenge. Back at his table, Akane, Mikoto, and Nicolette were soaking in the transformation their man had undergone. Instead of anxious, or dour, he was overflowing with light.

Finishing out the single movement, he flowed directly into 'Für Elise', and the memories of a stage in Berlin. Rachmaninoff's 'Little Red Riding Hood', and a school talent show. Chopin's 'Revolutionary Etude', and a private performance for Ritsuko. Vivaldi's 'Spring', and a celebration of the planting being done in Ogawa with Tsuru. Bach's 'Prelude, in C Major', the only way he'd ever been able to get Rei to sleep at night sometimes. Then he began more modern compositions, songs from worlds that had never been, and would never be again. Timelines where Second Impact had taken longer to arrive, where music had gone along different paths. Each note carrying the weight of entire realities on its gossamer wings, each chord unwilling to allow the listener to forget what they had never known.

While the last strains of a song he'd written himself, reveling in the life of a silly penguin that had been taken from him and his best friend far too soon, carried throughout the room, he finally took note of the tears that had been pouring down his face and wiped them off, _I guess I…I guess I forget too often that I love to play music._ Standing, he was surprised to see everyone at the bar responding in genuine heartfelt gratitude for the masterful performance, "O-oh, I…." He'd played for far longer than he'd thought, and a blush of embarrassment overtook the joyful sorrow, "Thank you. Please, I'm sorry for intruding on your evening."

"I wish more people would intrude on my evening like that," a new voice caught his attention from near the group that had seemed out of place. Walking over, as confident in herself as she was in the strength of her personal retinue, a stylishly dressed and middle-aged woman approached him while applauding him quietly, "You are Shinji Ikari, am I correct?"

 _Careful, kid,_ Akane had shifted to keep an eye on the toughs in the corner, allowing Nicolette to sneak around the edge of the room to where she could support Shinji if needed, _I don't know this one._

"I am," he sensed nothing untoward in her song. She seemed, at least for the moment, simply happy to have had him entertain her for a time. "I'm sorry, I don't believe we've met."

"Yuka Hayakawa," inclining her shoulders just so, she implied a respect between near equals as opposed to the typical deference he'd been receiving of late. "It doesn't surprise me that we've not met. The Shirakami aren't overly enthusiastic about my Family's presence in the area, and I'm only here to attempt to bargain on an unimportant matter. I had hoped to convince them to send you a message, so that we might meet one another."

Considering the time of day, Shinji wasn't eager to broadcast his thoughts to the two people adjacent to the Shirakami back at the Manor, and Akane had already stated she didn't know the person, so he had to take her at her word, "A pleasure to meet you, Hayakawa-san. Was there something specific you'd needed of me, or was it simply curiosity?" The tension he felt from all three of the ladies who claimed him was difficult to ignore. He had to remind himself that not all dangers are physical, _Let's not start a fight until we have to, folks. I'll be careful, I promise._

"Your people seem overly cautious," her eyes had never left his, her awareness of her surroundings impressive, "I wouldn't take you for someone needing a great deal of protection. Those things we've seen of your fighting prowess seem to rather indicate the opposite, that you would be the one to protect others, I mean." A length of jet black hair, accentuated by a single stripe of white that held true to the roots, was trimmed so that it hung to her mid-back. The cut and style quite professional, despite giving the impression that she cared little for such displays, "Perhaps we could sit at an empty table, then. Away from your hounds and my own."

The reflexive retort that these were not 'hounds' but women far more impressive in their skills and talents than he deserved was swallowed, giving up too much information was always dangerous. _We're going to sit nearby, Nicki. Get something from the bar and watch the corners. Tell the detective to ease back, he's had a few and I don't need bullets bouncing around the room._ "Certainly," he gestured to a table two away from Akane and Mikoto, and three away from the table Yuka had left her still-glaring men at. "Please, allow me," pulling out the chair for her, he smiled politely.

Returning his smile, with a hint of knowing, the middle-aged leader took his offered seat, "Placing me where I might see your hounds, but not my own. In return, sitting where you can keep an eye on any potential hostility before it begins. It seems you truly are determined to see peace reign."

Settling his bulk, he shrugged, "If violence is to be engaged, your people will be harmed only as much as I must to restore order. If they draw their weapons, which I will not comment on the legality of their ownership, I will kill them. Fists _can_ be deadly, a firearm should never be pointed where it is not intended to kill."

"You seem confident you could carry out that threat," there was no malice, only curiosity in her tone. "Could you truly kill all four of my dogs before they managed to shoot anyone?"

"Yes. Please do not force a demonstration," he nodded his thanks to the Barkeep, who had brought over a pair of drinks, "this is a nice establishment, and I'd rather not have to clean it for the mess I would make." Taking note of the fact that the owner of the bar eyed the woman meaningfully before leaving, he took note of the fact that the man never once bothered to look his way. He was acting the way he ought to be, per local customs.

"That is _fascinating,_ " placing her hands around the glass she'd been given, she set her fingers to slowly sliding along the condensation that had formed along the outside. "These changes, they occurred after you had been exposed to the machines at your work?"

"Yes," the thought that she might simply be curious was considered and dismissed. These questions were leading somewhere, he just couldn't yet see where.

Tilting her head slightly, she seemed to regard him in a new light, "You are far more mature than you let the cameras capture. Even your wedding ceremony, you played the part of 'naïve schoolboy' rather well. The Shirakami are wise to keep access to you as limited as they are. There is much you might do, with the proper guidance."

 _And there it is._ "What is it I can do for you, Hayakawa-san? Please forgive my haste, but I promised the ladies," he lifted his hand carefully to indicate Akane and Mikoto, "that I would spend time with them tonight. The impromptu concert was an attempt to regain favor, after I reminded them of certain realities."

"Surely they wouldn't mind letting you have a few hours getting to know someone who could help you expand your…enterprises," reaching across the small table, she set her damp fingers against his wrist. The warmth of her hands surprising him, considering her slight frame. "There are rumors that you are seeking out, or at least enabling others who would seek out, appropriate wives for your goals. A group of women intended to compete with each other, so that you need not fear them straying when an attractive groundskeeper comes to work for you."

"If they feel the groundskeeper compelling enough to break the rules, then I suppose that would be my failure as a man. I am neither seeking out, nor asking others to do so in my name, women to join my family. Women find me, and those who fit, fit." He knew that most of the bar could hear him, many of whom seemed readily dangerous and willing to act in his name, "The three I entered here tonight, as an example, fit in well with my household. They are stalwart defenders, devoted sisters, eager providers, and, to my great fortune, intelligent and beautiful women. That they would put up with the chaos that surrounds me is both a source of personal shame and tremendous comfort. That they would remain unfailingly faithful to the family I have demands that I do no less."

 _We don't all have to take turns, right?_ Nicki's song ached for affection, _I mean, we can make it just amazingly awkward and all take him at once. We'll figure out how to position people._

"Loyalty is important," her smile remained the same as her touch lingered. "But what convinces you that women you have known for such a short time would remain so, hmm? A marriage license is ultimately a taxation form, there are no shackles upon either party. Wouldn't you prefer to take a wife you _know_ would never abandon you? Never leave you at a train station surrounded by strangers?"

 _After we wipe the floor with these asshats, I say we just hit the local hotel. It's the same one he got engaged in, and I'm sure they have a room open for us,_ Akane's song was spooling up to crack skulls. She'd caught on to the fact that the woman touching her man knew far too much, but she was patiently waiting for Shinji to make the call.

"No such guarantee exists," part of Shinji was wondering how much of a vote he'd have in the post-bar destination, the other part was growing irritated at the interruption of his evening. "Either I am a good enough man that they would remain true to the rules of our home, or I am not. Their lives will be their own to direct, I will never choose their paths for them."

"I'm positive I could craft such a guarantee," her eyes gleamed with dark promises. "My own daughter has been raised…properly. I'm certain she would provide-"

The sense of revulsion and anger that unfolded from the core of his being hit the three women he'd arrived with like a tidal wave. That his face remained impassive was owed only to the inability of his mind to comprehend the depravity before him. His voice, typically warm despite the gravelly rumble, was as cold and sharp as the blade he wished he had to hand, "Why not you, then?"

"Well," she missed the change in his tone, surprised that he'd made an offer, "it would be _better_ for you to take my daughter. The guarantees I speak of would not work quite as well on one with as much…history, as I have." Her smile became a touch more open, "Though, I do only speak of _her_ loyalty. I'm certain you and I could find time to become acquainted after the wedding, if that's what you'd prefer. Some men do enjoy an experienced touch, after all."

 _Akane, if I threw her through the door…say, into orbit around Saturn, what kind of war would that start between the Shirakami and whatever the hell she represents?_ His body ached to crush the evil before him, but he continued to exercise restraint.

"Shinnnnjiiiii," Mikoto stood up and flounced over, suddenly acting incredibly childish. When she reached him, she hopped onto his lap so that she faced him, knocking his hand off the table and away from Yuka's grip, then winking where only he could see, "If you wanted an experienced touch, you should have asked your Miki-chan. You know I'll do anything for my widdle snowman." _I'm drunk. You should take me somewhere to sleep it off._ She felt him hesitate, _We can't fix everything. Evil will remain, it's how the world is for now. Let us investigate, include the Shirakami. We'll rescue her daughter, if we can. But starting with a murder here won't end well. Let's go find a hotel, fuck like the world is ending, and then you can hold us while we soak in a hot tub._

A steadying breath, one he hoped was interpreted as irritation at Mikoto by everyone and not the release of pressure to avoid a bloodbath, and then he carefully hugged the woman on his lap, "You are far too quick to lose control, Miki-chan. You know you shouldn't call me that in public, and now I'm going to have to…step away from the conversation I was having to take care of things." Working the truth around so that nothing he said would send off his tells, he added as he picked her up into a bridal carry and gained his feet, "Though I get the feeling that's what you wanted."

"Hee hee, Miki-chan's a bad girl," leaning up she touched her lips to his before giggling and settling in his arms, "daddy should spank her."

"Perhaps we could arrange a meeting," the businesswoman stood up, accepting the temporary setback as inevitable in a situation she did not control the beginnings of. "I could introduce you to my daughter, and a lawyer that specializes in your…unfortunate situation."

 _Don't._ Mikoto's eyes held his. _Walk away._

"The Shirakami will be in touch," he promised, meaning something far different than she'd take it.

Yuka's lip curled in victory, "Excellent, and have no fear about her education level. She's been homeschooled her whole life. Middle school boys tend to be rather…perverted, around beautiful young women."

 _Nicki, disarm the detective. Akane, no fatalities. Mikoto…you're staying where you are so I don't kill someone._ Turning away, Shinji 'accidentally' struck his glass of beer with Mikoto's feet, knocking it off the table and all over the woman he'd been speaking with. The hair-trigger violence that resided within the four men Yuka had been sitting with erupted in threats of grievous bodily harm, his act of 'not noticing' and just walking away prompted one to send a mug flying his way. Sahaquiel's shield caught the projectile easily, making it appear as if it had hit him. Turning slowly, he took note of Yuka's mouth opening to order her people to stand down, "Akane, Nicki, kindly see these…men out."

Walking over to the bar, and sitting on the stool with his passenger in his lap next to the woman who'd been accepting drinks all evening, Shinji watched as both Nicolette and Akane showed the difference between trained thugs, and better trained and motivated professionals. Yuka watched in dismay as her 'hounds' attempted and failed to fight well above their weight class. Mikoto's song made it clear that she was fine where she was, thank you very much, despite the desire to join in the 'educational' bar brawl. The Barkeep simply murmured his thanks for Shinji's restraint. The lady, whose name he'd not bothered with discovering, patted his arm with a gentle smile, "You're welcome back here anytime, Your Grace. You take good care of Mikoto-kun, and you'll always be welcome here."

The sound of a table breaking drew his eyes back to the fight, where two of the four men were staggering violently, and the other two were being handcuffed to each other and then tossed out into the back alley, "For as long as she'll let me take care of her, ma'am. She's a part of me in a way that I couldn't describe. All of them are."

+++++ Author's Notes:

TripleF:

RE: Unity and Communism.

There is a great deal of Communist Theory that is applicable beyond Communist Ideology. Everyone working for, and committing to, the greater whole is what has allowed armies to function since the dawn of human warfare. The internalizing that you are nothing more than a piece of a greater machine is required, otherwise tactics and strategies fall apart whole. What works well for Shinji et al, however, wouldn't work very well when expanded much further than it is, or without the specific personalities at play, as they'll soon find out.

RE: Moonflow.

I honestly don't remember where I heard that term first. It's evocative enough for the purposes, and less crass than many other terms that could have been chosen. Considering the symbolism tied into the matter, and the manner in which the symbolism of NGE itself is tied to thematic elements of motherhood, it made sense to be a bit more flowery there, I think. Maybe?

RE: Event Horizon.

Did you see they're making a TV series based on the movie? I am not looking forward to watching how they dismember a cult classic film like that.

JaceSterne:

RE: Misato, Tsuru, and Yang.

You get a Shinji! And _you_ get a Shinji! EVERYONE GETS A SHINJI!

KinZer0:

RE: Blondes and pronouns.

It means the author somehow managed to slip a big oopsie past the editorial process. Good catch! Fixed that massive flub that was thankfully not spoken aloud, or internally. Because I can only imagine what Nicki would have done if she felt that she was somehow a replacement for the Blonde that burned away. It wouldn't have been pretty, and no amount of flowers and jewelry would have washed that stain out.


	121. Chapter 121

+++++ 14th Angel + 28: Tuesday (117)

Earlier in the evening, before Shinji walked into the bar to gain some insight into both his and his ladies' psyches, Hikari stepped into her bedroom to gain her own insight into the enigmatic being that had set him on the path he was walking, "Since there are typically threats and blustering when people meet like this," she closed the door firmly, "I'll simply say that I meant what I said. You will not long survive an attempt to harm me. Between Suzuka, Rose, and my husband, it would end very poorly for you." Clasping her hands before her loosely, she sighed, "So. What I want to know is rather simple, why did you abandon my husband to a fate you yourself know all too well?"

Lilith smiled wanly, having chosen to sit on the writing desk to allow Rose to have the chair, "Because now someone else understands me. He understands the loneliness, the pain, the frustration. He knows what it is like to stare at eternity, to watch the people you love hurt you over, and over, and over again, and to be ultimately powerless before an uncaring cosmos…despite being a phenomenally powerful being."

"A 'phenomenally powerful being' that's looking a little rough around the edges," Rose added with a hint of a question.

"Tabris has aggregated what bits and pieces survived the UNIGC's and the Shirakami's globe-trotting destructive rampage, gathering them all together in the mountainous regions that a number of my children's nations claim as their own to the west. He is, at the moment, cloning both himself and more of those wretched soulless abominations. When I found him…I was very nearly overwhelmed." The admission seemed to be more damage to her pride for the evening, "He's managed to instill in each of his clones…what you would call an 'S-Two Engine'. One on one, they aren't a problem for me. Thirty to one, I had to fight hard just to escape. I'm faster, stronger, and sexier…but they are still powerful copies of the most powerful son of… _him_."

Hikari was quick to realize that this information needed to go to the woman most likely would be able to devise defenses against a force of some size, "Stay. Here." Turning, she opened the door and stepped back out into the main room, "Misato, I need to borrow you for a moment, if it's not too much trouble?"

The violet haired warrior broke off her conversation with Ritsuko and Maya, more than a hint of surprise on her face, "What happened to 'stay the fuck out'?"

"Oh, contact with the enemy. You know no plan ever survives that," her dimples showing hard as she smiled gamely, the Class Rep shrugged. "I'll be sending you back out again once you have the information you need. But I'm not silly enough to think I can manage _everything_." Slipping back into her bedroom, she held the door long enough for the sub-commander to join them, then slid it shut quietly, "He has an army."

Misato looked between the three other women, "Who he?"

"Tabris," Lilith began to fill her in, being very specific as to distances and sizes. She wasn't able, owing to a complete lack of physical boundaries, to give exact directions to the amassing force of cloned anger, but she managed to provide what she could. "Ultimately, there is little that you will be able to do. If even one of these creatures can activate, the largest bombs at your disposal will be nothing more than a minor irritation."

Various plans were already formulating as she spoke, her eyes saccading rapidly without seeing anyone before her, "Can't invade. Don't have a long enough extension cord for Two. Sending Shinji in alone in One wouldn't be wise, not against more of them. Mothballing them was a stupid idea…allowed the project to go dark." Reaching over with one hand, she gripped the side of Hikari's neck at the shoulder, "Thank you. We need to get ready for this, and you put aside pride to help. I'm heading in, see if I can't get some kind of imagery. We can't necessarily stop the ones there, but we might be able to kill supply trains."

"I'll be in after we're done," Rose offered. "I've already asked that my people begin surveying the area. If…if things get bad, I may just order saturation bombing. I could reduce the area to below sea level, and with enough concentrated power, even your Evas would break."

"Risk exposure, or lose everything to a mad Angel. Lovely choices," Misato's mouth held a hard line.

"It's not just exposure," the pink-skinned captain shook her head. "If I spin up my engines, there's no doubt that the Scions and the Judges will take note. Whatever force they have coming would know that I was around, removing any chance of a surprise attack on my part. I'd be tipping my hand against a force that makes whatever Tabris can field look no more dangerous than Nozomi's schoolyard."

"Lover can handle the cloned army's eventual assault," Lilith interrupted, wanting to move the conversation along. "I…have some ideas that I…." Looking off to the north, she sighed with regret as the sensation of Shinji being surrounded by lust filtered through, "I would rather speak to Hikari alone about."

Rose snorted a laugh, "I'm less inclined to leave you alone with the woman I love than I am with the man. He can, at the least, defend himself. My [Song] has neither of his means to defend herself with. You've burned a great deal of trust with your actions recently, Lily. Anything you have to say to her, you can say to me. If you expect her to keep it in trust, you'll just have to convince both of us to."

"Go do what you can, Misato," Hikari turned to the odd woman out. "I'll try to make this as fast as I can, so that she," she gestured to Rose, "can come and help you."

Misato's eyes focused on Lilith, her face darkening, "Might help your case if you came in and helped us nail down the area."

"Go." Hikari didn't want another fight prompting another flight, "Rose is going to stay here, we're going to have a chat, what happens afterwards is going to be up to how that chat goes." Waiting for a three count, she looked directly at the woman who'd once urged her husband to leave her, "Go." Accepting Misato's wordless plea for caution, she held firm until the room once again contained only three people. As the door shut, the first woman to be by Shinji's side sighed, "Trust, Lily. It can kill or save a woman in any amount. I'm trying to trust you, but you aren't making it easy on me."

Lilith laughed wryly, "You're one of the few women I'd imagine might understand my position, actually." An off-handed gesture towards Rose brought her laugh to a halt, "She never could."

"I want to understand. I want to be able to look at you and not see the woman who killed a young woman I had wronged terribly, and was coming to care for deeply. I want to not see the woman who left the man I would murder for to suffer needlessly. I want to see the woman who looks at my husband and smiles like a woman in love for the first time." Readying herself for the answer, she asked the question, "Please, be honest…have you killed anyone he thought was a friend or felt was his friend, in this reality, other than Rei?"

"As a friend? No," Lilith shook her head, a pained frown growing as she recalled how Shinji looked on her. "I have killed those he might one day love. Or those who he believed could be saved. I have done what I can to prune back the tendrils Creation has sought to employ, hoping to determine what mixture it must provide to encourage him to act in the way it desires." Her frown grew to a scowl as she felt Shinji respond to the eager affections of the women by his side with a firm hand, prompting her to growl, "He needs to just…." Swallowing her words and shaking her head, she shrugged, "Tabris seeks to add women that would undermine Creation. That would push Shinji towards doing what _he_ wants, instead. If it were up to me, I would have him only add women he truly loved. Everyone in this house has come together under his name. Drawn by his passive call for unity, each of you have seen," her eyebrow raised, "finally I might add," snorting out a sigh, she carried on, "that working together for his betterment will only lead you all towards greater glories. Each woman in his household will gain far more of what they desire by not fighting than they would ever gain by competing with one another. For good, or ill."

Rose lifted a finger, drawing everyone's eye, "Wait, you're saying that any woman living by his side peacefully will be more likely to accomplish what they want. But some of the women here want him to shove them against a wall and pound them for an hour or ten. That's not been happening, so I'm going to need more specifics."

"He would have," Hikari disagreed. "He was ready, but with the discovery that you could bring back Noelle-"

Lilith's head snapped up, "Wait, what?"

"That was what I wanted to talk to you about," she motioned for patience. "Do you have Noelle's soul, somehow?"

"Yes. Which is why I'm concerned. How do you mean 'bring her back'?" Standing, she scowled at Rose, "Soulless abominations will invariably turn into monsters, [Song]. How could you even allow your people to research-"

Hikari snapped, "Sit down, and shut up!" Stamping directly before the eldritch being, she ignored her own safety to fight for what both she and her husband wanted desperately. Shoving Lilith back onto the desk, she loomed, "You have her soul. She will clone her body. Can you give the soul back to the body, so that we can instead _not_ suddenly have one of those zombies that Yang is constantly going on about? Yes, or no."

Surprise and curiosity warred for dominance over the Second Angel's face, eventually landing on 'impressed', "With help. We'd have to coax her back out, because unlike Rei she'd never met me. She views the Ocean of Souls the same as every other one of my wayward children. We'd need to convince her that the Ocean is not actually home, that her body was truly where she belonged. Lover could likely manage it, but it would mean him entering my own domain. Which would bond us…far more intimately than we are now. He'd have to agree to be vulnerable, to trust me not to do anything. Too much mistrust, and he risks being lost within me…forever. I don't have a mortal soul, which makes it far easier for it to overwhelm his mind."

"Then go earn that trust." The Class Rep saw a path forward, "Go with Rose. Help Misato track down that facility. Stop running away from whatever it is you are running from, and the next time you come into our home? Try using the damn front door like someone who belongs here, instead of sneaking in like a thief."

"I'm trying to earn back trust after not having time to explain why I had to leave," Lilith looked between the other two women. "You do understand that this isn't something you can just…will into being, right? She has to want to return. She has to not be happier wherever she is. There is no guarantee that she'll even understand what he would mean by 'an outside world'. If her soul has crafted a reality where he exists, she could simply become confused. I understand what you're asking, but there is a reason I don't often attempt anything like this. Shinji had a powerful attachment to the real world, a reason to fight. Taking his soul and placing it in a new body through the dying realities was simple because he wanted to fight. He wanted to _live_. If she doesn't…there's nothing I can do that won't end in absolute tragedy."

"Help us set up the chance," Hikari was undeterred. "We have to do everything we can, or he'll always wonder if he failed."

"And if another woman occupies her space?" The onyx-haired elder being wasn't eager to leave issues unexplored, "I cannot see all ends, and I certainly can't make guarantees that I understand the roles you are all to play. I doubt she would be The Princess, which is what I know you to be. But she could very easily fill several other roles. If Creation wants to narrowly tailor who he has by his side, for example by _killing her_ , you're going to irritate it by undoing things that it wanted done."

Rose shrugged, "Or, we were meant to do what we're doing and the only reason she was killed was to set us towards what's happened. There are any number of reasons for things, and you yourself just said that you can't see all ends. We have to also consider the fact that Creation won't _let us_ do things it doesn't want us doing. If it wanted her so dead, why not make it so we can't do anything about it? Why set up the situation where you come back just as we're talking about it? Why not force me to track you down like I was about to?"

"I came back because…." Lilith sighed, "Because I wanted to show him I'm trying. Because…because being away from him is draining my strength." Closing her eyes and resting her head back against the corkboard full of pictures with Shinji and other people in his life, she tried not to cry, "Because I can't stop being me for five minutes and just tell the man I love that when I say I'd give him _anything_ if he'd just help me win, I mean exactly that." Taking a deep breath, she opened her eyes, "Arrange for a piano to be delivered. He's playing such beautiful music, and finally relaxing enough to let go and cry. Talk to whoever you have to, but grant him that peace." Standing slowly, she looked to Rose, "Let's go explain everything, and then head in to help find Tabris. It's not been that long since he told me that we'd gone as far as he was willing to go. I'm not going to win his heart by forcing him to accept me. _I_ at least won't be murdered by Creation for waiting."

+++++ 14th Angel + 29: Wednesday (118)

Having missed Lilith and Rose's departure by a little more than a half of an hour, the rest of the household having gone to bed or to NERV, Shinji arrived back home with three disappointed women. It was not, as Akane kept grumbling, that he found them less attractive than Misato, or Ritsuko, that kept him from following through on their desire for deeper intimacy at one of the local Shirakami establishments, it was a determination that he give them each their own time to be 'special' that stopped him. Simply taking them all to a hotel and becoming a pile of limbs might suit their basic requirement, and might even in Akane and Mikoto's case be something of a wish fulfilled, but he thought more of them than that and he was intent on carrying on as he had started out.

Pulling the agent's car into the assigned parking spot near the house, he shifted it into park, engaged the parking brake, and turned to face the three occupants of the vehicle, "I need a driver's license for next time. Tonight was fun, and I only wish that we hadn't been interrupted by…that."

"I've already asked the Shirakami to look into it," Akane sat with her arms crossed, staring straight ahead instead of looking at him. "Not sure how much we'll be able to do, depends on how much they find."

"I'm going to head in and crash," Nicolette hid her disappointment well. If it weren't for her song, he'd not know that she was upset at all, "Maybe take a shower first." Out of the car and towards the house before he could respond, she gestured a 'farewell' that made it clear the conversation was over from her perspective.

Alone with the first two agents to make themselves truly known, Shinji tried to sue for peace, "You both know I love all three of you. You also both know that I am who I am. Just…just taking you to some hotel and-"

"Giving us what we asked you for?" Akane looked at him, ire rising in her tone, "Treating us like consenting adults, instead of like blushing teenagers? Letting us make our own decisions about our own lives, instead of thinking you know best for everyone simply because your morality says you're right? Yes, we understand who you are. That doesn't make it any less frustrating, and it doesn't make me feel any better." Kicking her door open, she stood out of the vehicle and slammed it closed again, storming off to the house.

Proving that with her skeletal frame came some advantages, Mikoto slid between the front seats as she climbed into his lap from the rear bench. Sitting between him and the steering wheel, she shook her head to stop him from chasing after the other two, "Don't."

He could easily shift out of the car, he could lift her as if she were no more than a piece of paper. He couldn't, however, go against what he was coming to realize was the true woman behind the cold, lifeless, gaze she typically held. Mikoto's heart was in her eyes, and that meant it was in his hands. "It's so much to take at once, Miki-chan. I…I logically understand that everyone's ok with it. You all have to be, or your songs would be all muddled."

"So was piloting that behemoth," she lightly kissed his chin. "So was taking over responsibility for the Horaki family," again, on the opposite side. "So was taking the leadership position you hold," she shifted to his cheek. "So was standing in front of the cameras in Ogawa," his nose. "So was standing up to Lily and saying 'No more'," his other cheek. "You are given so much, because you can hold it all." Slipping her fingers through his hair, she gripped it at his scalp, "Stop viewing us as incompetent. This 'Creation' couldn't possibly be compelling me to love you…because I've loved you for months. I loved you the instant I heard you tell Toji Suzuhara that you wouldn't fight back. I saw, right then and there…a man who understood what it meant to suffer."

He could, once more, feel the lust rolling off her in waves. Letting her rock slowly against him, allowing her to gain pleasure as she would, he asked the simplest form of the most complex question he'd yet had to contemplate, "What happens when you gain free will…and hate me for this?"

Without pausing her motions, she looked him dead in the eye, "Then I am the world's biggest bitch, and I deserve losing something wonderful. You aren't pretending to hesitate. You aren't seeking this out. I agree, we're pushing this on you. We're forcing you to take us on. This is our only life, so let's make it the kind of life that those assholes who abused us could never dream of having. Let's make it the kind of life that my mother swore I stole from her by simply existing." Laying against him, she kissed his neck lingeringly, "Take me Shin-tan. Stuff me full to bursting, show me how much you love me."

Shinji knew he had something of a problem with realizing the same thing repeatedly. He'd long wondered what was wrong with his brain that he'd have a realization and subsequently come to find that he hadn't realized exactly everything about whatever it was, leading to incomplete progress. He'd make connections far later than anyone else, or far sooner than anyone else. He was never right there along with everyone else for the ride that was life. The bone-thin woman sitting atop him had, in using the phrasing she had, prompted another such epiphany, "I love you."

He felt her quiver with joy at the sound of his words, her pelvis grinding down harder against him, "Say it again…."

"N-no," he gently pushed her upright. "I m-mean…I _love_ you." The feel of her melting at his intensity prompted a blush, "And…and you love me. You all love me." Shifting his grip so that his hands rested on her lower ribs, he blinked, "You…you're not just wanting sex. You're wanting to show me how much you love me." She grinned eagerly, nodding slowly as he began to lovingly caress her torso. "We…we can't do it," the momentary spike of confused anger was immediately quenched by the follow-on of, "not here. Not in the car. That'd be rude."

Seizing her chance, the scarecrow set her hands over his, "My bath. No one's ever wanted to get both dirty and clean with me at the same time, before." Eager anticipation had quickly replaced ire, "Please? Don't worry about thinking of things, let me ask for things…I promise you'll like them?"

"How is it you understand me better than they do?" Pressing the door open, he carefully let her stand out first, "All I've ever wanted was for them to ask me for things."

"Because they haven't suffered like we have," Mikoto helped him shift his bulk free of the car. "But we're not going to suffer anymore, Shin-tan. Miki-chan and Shin-tan are going to enjoy life."

+++++ 14th Angel + 29: Wednesday (118)

It was a repentant Shinji that, sometime later, knocked on Akane's door. He could feel Nicolette having had fallen asleep, but the foremost Agent in his heart had yet to find that release. Waiting a span of heartbeats, he sent out the thought, _Akane? Can I come in?_ Another few seconds passed, and the door slid to enough that he understood the invitation. Passing quickly through the portal, he took in the room and wondered at how little the women in his life actually owned. "I am sorry." He placed himself before the woman he'd once thought of as a dear sister, only to have his feelings continue their journey towards the truth without his knowledge, "My inability to understand that love can be bidirectional ran away with me tonight. I forgot, in being angry at everything, that not only do you return my feelings…but in many ways you exceed them. Your love for me is…valid. Compelling. And I shouldn't dictate to you how you express your love for me, so long as you aren't hurting me, or others."

Akane's frown lightened, "What'd she say to you?"

"That I love her," he shrugged, knowing that most of the confusion started and ended between his left and right ears. "Hearing her say that I love her…changed how I viewed the statement. It wasn't…it's hard to explain. She loves me. I love her. She's not asking for…intimacy, she's asking me to let her show how much she loves me. She's giving me the chance to show how much I love her. You all are. I guess Asuka's still in my head, which shouldn't really be shocking to me…but here we are. I view it as perversion, when I should be viewing it as affection taken to its logical conclusion between committed partners."

Her head tilted slightly, "Prove it."

"What can I do?" He furthered the lesson, "I mean, affection-wise. She told me, when I said I was coming to see you, that I needed to be blunt. I need direction, Akane. I can do any number of things, but what do _you_ want? Not the you in my head, not the you from dead realities…the you standing before me."

Narrowing her eyes, she pointed to the ground, "On your knees." He complied easily, which produced a spark of joy in her song that she kept hidden. "Sit back on your heels." Again, he followed directions. As soon as he had a lap to speak of, she walked over and sat down heavily on his legs, "Lap time." Letting her smile out, the happiness his trust inspired on display, she kissed him simply, "I should apologize too. I shouldn't expect you to change overnight. I shouldn't expect you to change who you are entirely, no matter how wrong I think you are. I shouldn't have been irritated at hearing that Hikari took all night and gave nothing in return. But, I _am_ irritated. I do expect you to treat us like functional adults. And…I do expect you to change, just not all at once." Kissing him more warmly, she rested her forehead against his, "Make you a deal: you work on accepting what I ask for as what I actually want, and I'll work on not getting pissed at The Princess for being so eager to soak up everything you give without pushing you to accept in return."

"That sounds like a good bargain," he was blessed beyond what he felt he was worth, he knew that. All she was asking that he do, is shut up about it and work towards being the man they saw, "Small amendment?"

"I'm listening," she grinned, knowing he was about to gift her something.

Mikoto, being who she was, had also primed him with something he had a hard time believing, but had to accept as true considering his ability to detect lies. Screwing down his courage, he tried to sound far more confident than he felt, "I was wondering what it would take to see how talented you were at…oratory. I figured, maybe…to seal our new arrangement, we could…exchange lessons?"

"Mmm, counterproposal," her face drifted towards seriousness, "I hate it. Tongues there? Not so great. Don't know why, never really did much for me and I firmly believe I taste terrible. So, instead…while I'm impressing you with my lack of a gag reflex, you show me how good you are with your musician's touch?"

The forthright manner in which she announced everything impressed him, and reminded him that 'equals' meant being brutally honest from time to time, "Only if you let me try, someday. When we've had some time together. I'm not comfortable with…receiving, and I'm trying for you."

"Deal." Her smile bounced back into place, "I'll prepare the battlefield, so to speak, and we'll give it a shot after I'm more confident in how you feel about me."

+++++ 14th Angel + 29: Wednesday (118)

"That's a lot of mountain to search through," Misato sighed. "You weren't able to delve inside?" She didn't like having to trust someone whose loyalties were almost certainly to themselves first and perhaps Shinji a distant second, but pragmatism meant taking what she could to win the war.

"He's adapted what you refer to as an A.T. Field to encompass a great deal of territory," Lilith shrugged, the dress Shinji had given her once more on her frame. "The entire mountain range could have been hollowed out by him to allow for this, or he could be drawing me towards an area as a decoy. That circle is where I fought, briefly, before having to retreat. I could sense the addition of the soulless Evas, enough to know that he's intent on triggering something using Unit-01 and Shinji as a sacrifice. I came…back, intending to let you know before going to rest a bit."

Kozo had been awoken, and had dragged both Gendo and Philip in for the meeting, "Thank you, for giving us fair warning. It is your estimation that there are at least dozens of copies of this maniac?"

"The Angel himself would have impenetrable defenses," Ritsuko mused. "We'd need an Eva, or Shinji, to win that fight. We don't have enough N-Two mines left, a fact I'm beginning to believe that Tabris was counting on by sending unmanned bombers on suicide runs during the fight against Unit-03. If one got lucky, he benefited. If it simply was sent to the depths of the ocean with its cargo, we lost weapons to use against this ploy."

"He's using most of the clones as labor," Lilith answered the commander's question. "The ones I fought against weren't the only ones present," she scoffed, "he didn't even take my presence seriously. He's not hiding here, he's defending against interruptions."

Gendo looked to the Frenchman present, "Which means he's not attacking yet. He'll send this force in, against us, after the Sixteenth. You need to pressure the UN to allow an assault. We don't need the non-nuclear mines to win, not if you're willing to commit to victory."

"I will do what I can, but asking for this will be daunting. The human capital alone would be staggering, to say nothing of the logistics of amassing an army without one of those clones creating chaos. If he's willing to sacrifice them to achieve victory, he could eviscerate our encampments and force our men to shoot towards one another to strike him. People _will_ die." Philip grimaced, "Shinji will not be well pleased."

Kozo tapped the table, "Shinji is the reason they're still alive. We have close to a month. Use every ounce of eloquence you can summon, we will get you the evidence of his presence. If he has earned anything, it's sacrifice. Whether he likes it or not, humanity is in this war with him as well."

+++++ 14th Angel + 29: Wednesday (118)

 _I see._ Shinji held his ground against Suzuka's might, the swordswoman pressing down on the haft of his spear as hard as she could with the edge of her wooden blade. His feet shifted slowly as the friction and traction provided by the grassy lawn proved insufficient to the task at hand, _You are correct in that I can't leave to attack those mountains. I don't feel Arael, but that doesn't mean she's not nearby…only that she's not active._ Twisting through the counter that his wife would expect, he let himself be 'run through' to pull close and kiss her gently, _It's not a wise sacrifice to make. Unlike this one._

Touching her tongue to his teeth before nipping his lip, she stepped back with a grin, _You, husband, need to focus on what we're doing. Lest I think you unwilling to take me seriously._ Twirling her sword back into the ready position, she winked, _I would then have to demonstrate for you how unwise that idea may be._

Preparing himself for the attack, he blew her a kiss, _I take you deadly seriously, Little Deer. Which is why I'm surprised that Lilith walked out of the house intact. I wouldn't expect you to show deference to Hikari so soon after everything._ Flowing into a combination that she'd not seen before, he forced her to react instead of act, _Are you no longer so certain about her guilt?_

No neophyte to be taken by surprise, she exulted in not only the physical challenge of responding to a new look but in the way that her husband trusted her to explain her thoughts and feelings without making them seem like a weakness, _The charge that I may be somewhat emotionally compromised is not without merit._ Parrying a series of thrusts, she kept in motion, _I am phenomenally irritated at her for abandoning you. I am, even more so, disappointed that she felt she couldn't speak with us and explain the 'why' before she left. Had she chosen to, we would have gladly let her be about disrupting Tabris' plans. Instead, she proved that she still only trusts herself. That is no basis to build a team from._

 _Excellent points._ It wasn't what Shinji expected, but his wife rarely ever presented him with what he expected which meant that he should have expected it. Forcing a smile, he swept her leg out from beneath her with his toes, dropping her to the ground and pressing the tip of his training spear against her heart, "You were focusing on my weapon. How many times have you climbed on me about that?"

"Often enough that it seems you've adapted the lesson into a more practical demonstration." Her eyes searched his for a moment, "You are not sanguine about something, dear heart. It is not upon this training ground, however."

"I hate myself," switching his grip upon his weapon, he offered his right hand to help her up. "I'm speaking out loud to keep this between us, Suzuka. Please…I know that secrets destroy marriages, but I need you to keep this one. I am finding, more and more, that I am not the man I believed myself to be. That as I have continued adapting to everything I have learned over countless lives, I have allowed myself to lose…me." Maintaining his awareness of their surroundings, he felt no songs approaching, "Yesterday…yesterday I…. Suzi…. There are twelve women living in my _soul_ , two others who can come and go as they please, and I have…."

His living weapon watched as her husband's face contorted itself through a series of grotesque emotional masks, the truth lying beneath the attempts at convincing the world he was all right. Stepping against him, gripping his shirt tight, she kept his eyes on her. She had anticipated this, known that he might suffer something of a backlash to her push for normalizing physical romance with his human cohort, "You have done nothing except what a man ought to do, between him and the women he loves." Stroking his cheek with a featherlight touch, she retained a soft voice, "What is _normal_."

"How is it normal to sleep with eight of the fifteen women I live with? To…to…to want to do the same with even more?" His retort was delivered in a hot, breathy, whisper, "How is it normal to go from room to room like some…." Cutting himself off, he looked away and swallowed hard to avoid glaring at his wife, "I was fine, just a few hours ago. I took Mikoto into her room…. Then just went into Akane's. In the span of less than half of a day, I…I _fucked_ five…."

"It ought to have been more," this was the hardest part for her. The fight against a reversion to 'normal' was always going to involve her killing yet another aspect of his personality. "However, the prospect of returning our dear friend to us was a necessary diversion. You must know by now that all of us welcome your touch, no matter how recently you may have given another your time."

His body was locked in a clear battle against either shutting down or walking away, "I know…I know…." With a tight grip on her robes, he kept her close to his chest, "Suzi…I'm bringing her back just to remove any chance at a normal life she'd have. I'm bringing her back to…to…."

"To love you." The disordered nature of his thoughts, the chaos rising and falling with each turn the conversation took, the thunderclouds boiling overhead, even the way he held her as if he would flee without her presence, she hated every bit of it, "To once more be that irascible whirlwind that had as little control over her anger as you or I." Holding onto her love of him, and his of her, she kept her smile in place, "Should this work, and should we regain a valued ally, we will be that much stronger in the battle against what is to come."

"I am bringing her back to life only because she was the one lucky enough to be _murdered by Creation_ , to have her grave robbed by…." His head twitched to the side a few times, "No. Stop." Clenching his eyes shut, he hugged the mother of his children tighter, "I'm ok. I'm ok. I'm here. I'm…I'm where I'm needed." Lifting her off the ground, he held his face just over her belly, "I need you to be happy. I need all of you to…to be better. I need to not have ruined everything by existing. I need the voices to stop."

Working her hands through his hair, she let him hold her up with his unrivaled strength while she worked to stem what she recognized as an aborted panic attack. There was monumental change afoot, and much of it was her fault. The end results, the unity that the women in their home now shared, all was well worth what he was suffering through…but he had to suffer through it to reach to the other side. Like an alcoholic fighting against drinking 'one last beer', or a junkie searching for 'one last high', her husband was searching for a way to push everyone away. To live with one woman, and one woman alone. The thought that she would be that one woman was not lost on her, as despite what others might think by being the first to bear his children she would be the woman he stood by should she will it. She could, and perhaps would, fight cruelly against the others. She could, and perhaps would, wield his abandonment-ridden history as a cudgel to keep him by her side. Those thoughts played no small part in her decision to push him towards accepting his lot in life sooner, rather than later. The need to avoid a destructive war within the Manor, to tear the roots out before they grew vile weeds. "…Shinji?" Gazing down into watery, two-toned, eyes, she gently ran her thumbs beneath them to clear away the tears, "I love you. I will love you tomorrow, when you become ever more the man we all know you will be. I will love you as Hikari gives birth to more daughters for our family. I will love you as we stand upon a distant shore and watch this good Earth fade from existence. I do not love you any less for what you have done. I do not love you any less for what we must do to stay the hand of fate. I only ask that you please, _please_ , put me down before I make a mess of your front." The swiftness and delicate touch with which he set her on her own feet furthered her love for him, and she balanced against him as her words became slurred with a foul taste in her mouth, "Last night's dinner apparently did not sit as well as I would have liked."

"Morning sickness maybe?" Given something to focus on, he shifted gears towards caring for his wife and offered her his elbow, "I can make you something that usually worked…in other realities."

"That sounds lovely," taking a deep breath, she let him cling to his 'duties' as a husband and allowed him to escort her towards the house. "Thank you for not treating me as an invalid this morning, Little Bear. I promise you, I will have a care for our children, and will be as cautious as needs be." Patting his wrist, she fought to balance the urge to vomit against the need to console him as he came back down from guilt-induced anxiety, "Perhaps further good will come of you having been forced through time. If, in nothing else, in the reduction of my nausea."

+++++ 14th Angel + 29: Wednesday (118)

Shinji walked into Kelly's room after having been assured by Suzuka that she would be quite alright eating in her room alone, closer to the toilet should she lose her battle with biology, and that he was not 'abandoning her' to anything except freedom from embarrassment if that most unhappy of events did occur. He'd felt Amethyst's presence, and desperately needed to hear good news. Catching the eyes of the much darker pink-skinned doctor, he tentatively used Sign, _Do you understand this?_ She nodded, with a happy grin. _Thank you, for helping. Is she ok?_

 _Ya do know that telepathy is a racial characteristic, and not somethin' what was limited to eithah_ [Static] _or_ [Static], _yeah?_ With a playful wink, she urged him to come stand by her, _C'mere. I'll teach ya moah about what I was doin'._

With something of an embarrassed blush and grimace, he laughed quietly as he lowered his hands to his pockets, _I…did forget. The odd ways that memories or knowledge stick with me is something I'm still getting used to._ Approaching on her right, he set one giant hand on her left shoulder to lean down and read what she was reading, now in a frame of mind that was more accustomed to being in close proximity to the energetic doctor, _You…have the interface set to…you're from the Nightlands._

A blue tinge worked along her cheeks, _Is…uhm…is that a problem?_

 _No, no._ He knelt down to one knee so that he wasn't looming, _I don't remember a version of you from the realities we've met that's from that area. I never cared where the other women on the ship came from, Rose was always from the same place. Some of her family was…well, I guess classist? But I just ignored what they said. Superstitious nonsense, and generally biologically infeasible. Eating the dead and nothing else? Your clan wouldn't have survived._

Scooting a little closer in, her song became happier, _I'm glad. Ya undastand th' true meanin' of th' world._

Looking over, he tilted his head, _I do need you to work on your diction, though. I can't have someone teaching the little ones regional dialects before we get them a steady base of the common one. Even Rose doesn't speak with her dialect._

 _If I do…could I maybe…come visit from time to time?_ The hopeful look in her eyes made any number of generous offers, _I'd love to help teach everyone more about the universe they live in! I could help share our medical techniques, an'-_

 _And_ , he corrected gently.

 _And…I would…slow down._ She looked towards the door, then darted in and stole a kiss, _I promise I will work on speaking clearly so that I am not a bad influence on the development of the young._ Standing with a pleased grin, she danced a little before showing him the screen, _She is ready to wake up!_ Clearly thinking through her words, she reached into a pocket and pulled out a small device he recognized as a medical nebulizer, _Slip this in her mouth,_ she pointed to the tube, _tap the button._ Once he had it in his hands, she nodded, _I will leave you alone with your_ [Static]. _She and I are not well acquainted yet, and it would be rude to stay around when she might wish to celebrate her recovery by engaging in recreational fornication._

Swallowing the rebuttal that there would be no 'recreational fornication', he kept his face steady, _Thank you, again, Amy. It's always a pleasure to work with someone who cares about their patients._ The urge to ask how, or if, the cloning was going ahead followed the rebuttal deeper into his gut, and he instead embraced the medical professional, _I'll talk to Rose about what she thinks, allowing you to come down from time to time. I will not make decisions for her crew, you know as well as I do that's neither good policy nor manners._

 _I am glad that you are now able to be the Shinji what…that, that my reality's Shinji never was allowed to be._ Kissing him again, she still held a tight grin, _I promise, none of this is your fault._ Disappearing from his grasp in a soft glow of light, she left him behind with that cryptic, if timely, reminder that he was as much a prisoner of fate as everyone else.

Willing anything else away, knowing that he held the key to waking Kelly in his hands, he set the tube between her lips and injected the mist where she would be forced to breathe it in. Setting aside the device, he perched himself on the nearby rolling stool and took one of her hands in both of his. Hoping that by reducing his profile he wouldn't startle her or frighten her as she came out of the odd anesthesia Amethyst had used, or at least lessen the impact if he still did.

The seconds ticked past, her chest rising and falling in a steady rhythm. The comfortable gown she wore covering her lithe, runner's, build was rumpled from being manipulated by her caregivers in what was both a sign of their nervousness and their regard for her. The woman before him had earned her place amongst the family, working hard behind the scenes to make certain that everyone was represented well in the media, that nobody was working angles to get 'inside information'. In his mind, however, he just wanted her back on her feet to remove one more sin from his ledger. She was broken because she was with him on the trip to Ogawa, now she needed to be made whole….

The sudden arrhythmic intake of breath, sending her chest filling out much deeper than before, presaged her eyes fluttering open, "Nnno…." She shook her head, confused, "Donnn't…."

"Shh, shh, shh," rubbing her forearm, he shifted his grasp on her hand so that they held each other's thumbs, "it's ok. It's just me."

"Sh-Shinji?" Blinking more purposefully, she let her head loll over to see him, "…Shinji?" Her eyes drifted down to their conjoined hands, then to her free hand as she lifted it to look at it, "I'm…oh thank God." Laughing with relief, she tugged on his hand to pull herself over into a hug, "That…that was a wretched dream." Laughing as she clung to his neck, not letting go of his hand, her voice became stronger, "I can still feel you."

Stomping on the self-hatred that flared up at the joy he felt at having her hold him so desperately, he used his free hand to rub her back, "I can feel you too. How's the pain?"

"Gone," twisting her legs under her, she pushed out of the bed. "Hold me in your lap. Just…hold me."

Her newly repaired legs were wrapped around his torso, her arms about his neck, and he had to shift his hands lower to make sure that she was supported. This, by dint of what she'd been wearing, meant that he now had one handful of a well-muscled posterior, "I, uhm, sorry."

"Oh God it really is you," her laugh became more amused than relieved. Settling back a touch, trusting that he would hold her up, she smiled fondly, "How about we give each other full permission to touch the other, hmm? Just put it out there in the open, so that neither of us is laboring under misconceptions."

She was tall, athletic and yet still supple, but nowhere near his size. Holding her was, in yet another shock to his mental cognition of his proportions, like an adult bear holding a dog. When she looked at him as her mind began to process the small details he knew she would be one of the few to easily pick up on, he shook his head, wanting to focus on her, "You…missed some stuff. It was only a day or so, but things…."

"How about," she interrupted his thoughts easily, "you come with me and help me shower off. I'll tell you about my nightmare, you tell me about what I missed…and then we go about fixing everything." Shifting slightly in his hand, she set her heart out for him, "I'm as good as married, now. I doubt the Holy See would be eager to marry us, and I'm not positive I'd want a Church wedding anyway. The way I see it, our souls are as connected as they ever could be, right?"

He nodded, "I've been…I've been thinking of the math involved. I…I don't think…."

"I knew this was permanent," easily reading his intent, she continued soothing herself by soothing the man she served. "Then if our souls are one, that means to me that we are as God would intend us to be. A man and a woman, unified in purpose and form. Which means, logically, that being nude in the shower with you isn't a sin."

He'd spent plenty of time debating the finer points of theology with her in many of the lives they'd shared, sometimes peacefully and sometimes with her yelling her responses at him, "I'm not entirely positive that's liturgically consistent."

"To my knowledge, the Pope hasn't had to comment on the matter owing to a lack of examples to gauge," she countered. "Another thing we might discuss while I'm taking my first full shower _in over a month_." Lifting her eyebrows, she smiled appealingly, "Maybe…with the man that told me he loved me before I went to sleep?"

He had to accept that she didn't know what he'd just gone through, because he hadn't told her. However, he also had to deal with the fact that he owed every one of the women he was with his best effort at all times. Anything else led to 'favoritism', and that was beyond unacceptable. Lifting her easily, he carried her towards the bathroom, "We're…jumping over a few parts of dating."

"We're way past dating," her laugh was affectionate. "Asking my father permission to court me? Our courtship barely lasted past the end of that call!" Opening the door so that he didn't have to set her down, she shrugged, "I'll handle the diplomacy there. Sis will know. Fiona _always_ knows. But we'll let Da think what he thinks. He'll know we're…unorthodox." Lifting one bare leg after she shut the door behind them, she frowned, "Strange…no hair?" Her eyes moved to his as she wiggled her toes, "Did you?"

"Touch an unconscious woman without her permission?" Setting her down gently on the stool, he coughed out a dry laugh, "Me?"

"That is a very fair point," flexing her toes and feeling her legs move without pain, she shrugged. "I'll have to ask Rose and Kodama. I was expecting to have to be rather unladylike and tend to those things in front of my…boyfriend? Fiancé? Boss?"

"Once you decide what I am, you let me know," he wasn't going to choose his position. Nor was he going to give her the one he'd taken to calling himself, as that would only earn a stern rebuke. "For now, your Shinji is going to ask permission to help you get undressed so that he can wash your hair and back."

Bunching her toes into fists, she stretched languidly, "Mmm…I _love_ the sound of that."

+++++ 14th Angel + 29: Wednesday (118)

"Hey!" Kodama bounced over and hugged Kelly as the former naval officer and their shared man emerged from the bedroom, "Up and about already, that's fantastic!" Hugging the woman that had been of great help during Shinji's disappearance, the bubbly nurse quietly whispered, "He looks calmer. Thank you."

Shinji ignored the comment, understanding that it was intended for his keeper of secrets alone, "Are people waking up enough that it's breakfast time? Should I go start?"

"Please do," his wife switched people, pulling him down into a kiss. "We're going to be working on cards with Nozomi-chan and Sakura-chan while we eat. Take Kelly with you, send her out with drinks. We're going to eat at the couch, so something mobile might be better."

"Can do." Holding onto her for a moment longer, he continued the process of shoving his arms into the fire by announcing out loud, "I love you."

"I love you too," she kissed him again. "Later today, I'll need to borrow you for a few minutes. Ok?" She flashed the Horaki Dimples in a heartbreaking smile, "Shouldn't take _too_ long."

"I'll do what I can to be at your disposal," he knew what she was asking for, and he knew that Kelly would know as well. It was now a part of his life, and he could either learn to adapt or watch as people suffered. In the competition between who would suffer for his sins, he would always come out on 'top'.

Kelly took over his schedule, her natural talent and professional training kicking in, "What time, about, do you think, Kodama?" Pulling out her notepad, the one he hadn't even noticed her picking up, she was ready to begin organizing his time once more, "Perhaps just before lunch? So…eleven forty-fiveish?"

Checking her phone's clock, the busty nurse nodded, "That should do. I don't expect it will take more than twenty minutes."

"Great," scribbling down the time on a pre-lined day, the redheaded runner winked. "We'll make sure everyone has some time with him. _And,_ " she moved to pull him towards the kitchen, "that he has some time for his own wants. We will not burn him out, as too many great leaders tend to be, by abusing his nature."

"I'll see you later, Baby," Kodama patted him on the rump as she moved to wake up Team Rainbow, leaving him in the hands of another woman without any concerns.

His Executive Assistant drew his eyes back to her, "I'm serious, Shinji. We need to make sure you get some downtime. Too many obligations, I know. However, too little downtime is what ends too many Admirals' careers. They're all go, go, go, until they stop dead. You are too important to not only the world, but this house, for me to let them do that to you." Pushing him into the kitchen, she took up a position at the center island, "Now. This is your haven. If you want me to sit here and look pretty, I'll sit here and look pretty."

The mixture of being told what he would and would not do, as well as the way that she slotted herself into his life effortlessly, reminded him just how important she was to everything that he'd managed to accomplish. "Could…you keep anyone from trying to help? I'd really like to prepare a meal for everyone by myself."

"Aye aye," pulling a stool so that she sat in the doorway, she leaned against the door's frame and bounced her toes in a dainty circle. "So," urging him to begin cooking, she kept the conversation moving, "Labor Thanksgiving today. American Thanksgiving tomorrow. Do we have enough materials, or should I make some calls while I'm sitting here?"

"Let's see," pulling out what he'd need to make a modified Hawaiian Musubi, he took stock of what was in the refrigerator. "I need a turkey…maybe two. Depends on what size we can get them in. Could you check with Xuefan-san, see if anyone has already begun processing my notes from yesterday? Yang-chan might have gotten a jump on that."

"She's been a huge help," Kelly agreed as she pulled out her phone and began to dial. "I'd like to ask her if she's interested in learning how to be another me, if that's all right? For Admiral Drake, there were three of us. To be honest, for you I'd love to have four. But for now, me and Miss Xu can hold down everything while we see how things go." Changing gears as the other end of the line was picked up, her tone switched to 'friendly business', "早安! 这是 Kelly Ikari. 对了. 对了. 你的女儿和你谈过明天宴会的用品吗? 你们两个没说了话? 没是问题."

 _Notes are in that pad right there, I used the same shorthand I always do._ Shinji kept in motion as Kelly picked up the rings on the notepad with her toes, inwardly amused at how capable the woman was. The fact that she'd identified herself with his last name, and the smile on her face as she spoke with who he presumed was the matriarch of the Blue Crane, simply added to the reminder that there was not a single woman in his home, or in his heart, that was lacking in reciprocal love. He'd had that near-panic attack this morning, not for nothing, but because of that very fact. They _all_ loved him. He'd asked the universe to never let him be alone again…and for his sins he'd received an answer. The ringtone on his phone reminded him that his concerns didn't end at the borders of the house, and with deft fingers he pulled it out and opened the messaging app.

 _'The bitch isn't letting me get anything done until I contact you. Did you come visit?'_ Asuka's sense of humor was on display, ' _Because the room was clean, I was actually in bed and covered over properly, and I have this lingering sense of peace. Either you visited and I don't remember, or I've finally snapped and am about to go on a killing spree.'_

Hoping that she had actually forgotten, and wasn't just playing off the odd conversation as an uncomfortable dream, he went along with her joke, ' _If you give me about fifteen minutes to make certain anyone I care for is out of there, I'll let you clean house as you feel appropriate. It wouldn't be very sporting to set an apex predator loose without at least a head fake, right?'_ Food continued to be made as he waited for a reply, his mind only vaguely listening to the half of the Chinese conversation he could hear behind him.

"真的呢? 他没有提到这事." _Middle schooler? Madam Xu is glad you had someone contact them. She's handling the…reprisal is really the wrong word to use there, but it fits really well. They're looking into legal matters regarding the young woman._ She smirked with regret, correctly guessing that he wasn't thrilled with the entire situation.

His phone buzzed with a response, taking his focus away from the woman by his side.

 _'Leave the Commander and whoever is in charge of payroll behind, and you have a deal.'_ She added a viciously grinning emoji before continuing, ' _Seriously though, Eve wouldn't let me do anything until I'd contacted you. What's up?'_

 _'I'm guessing you don't remember talking to me. I'm worried about you, Asuka. You're not taking care of yourself, which isn't acceptable. I know you can, you're one of the most intelligent, driven, women I know. But you're running yourself ragged for some reason, and I…don't know how much of what you said when you were clearly too tired to think straight is true.'_ He didn't want to lie, she'd said things she might not have meant, but she might also have been being honest because her inhibitions were lowered. It'd worked on him, when his emotional state was compromised by Rose and Lilith trying to unsnarl what Adam had attempted.

"No, he's multitasking. By the ringtone, Miss Soryu is asking him something while he's cooking. The water's almost heated for both coffee and tea, probably another few minutes," Kelly waved for him to keep doing what he was doing. _Don't fret, Shinji. I've got your back._

 _Remind me to give you a raise,_ he shared a grateful smile before turning back to his duties. The eggs were almost completely done, and his phone dutifully reported that he had another message as he worked everything into the molds.

 _'Not really a conversation I want to have over the phone, to be honest. I think I know the general outline of what I might have said before I collapsed on you again. …Any chance of you coming over? I'd love to finish the conversation we apparently started.'_ There was a broad grinning and shrugging emoji at the end of the line, she knew he couldn't.

Pulling the water carafes off and putting them on a tray, he set it before Kelly to take out while he wrapped everything up neatly. He'd love to finish having conversations with people about the possibility of them dying. It would be wonderful. He'd never have to look at another woman and say, 'Hey, I know that you and I met only a few short weeks ago, but if you don't bond your soul to mine forever Creation's going to murder you! Even better, _by_ bonding your soul to mine, you've entered your name on a hitlist tended by a psychotic alien being that wants to kill everyone. So really, it's win-win either way, right?!'

Yang's hand was suddenly over his, as he stood in a different spot in the kitchen to what he remembered, "Steady, Big Buy. I doubt the skillet did anything worth what you're doing to it."

Somehow, during his mental rant, he'd crumpled the pan he had intended to take over to the sink to wash. The ruined metal was folded like a wad of paper, though his hands showed no damage for the act. He'd become so engrossed in his own mind, again, that he'd blanked out the world around him, "I…I, uhm…." He noticed the sudden lack of glow on his left side, worrying him that he might have hurt someone with the unnatural flames.

"Eyes down here," patting his chest, she drew him in with a glowing smile of patience. "We're ok, right? Kelly-san hasn't seen one of your fugues, I don't think." Pushing his hands into the sink, she urged him to let go, "Easy to fix. You just talk to him and remind him that you're here."

"I was recording it, to show your mother," his Keeper of Secrets walked over quickly waggling her phone. "Also to show our dear Shinji." Looking him in the eyes, she kept her voice steady, "I doubt he's ever actually seen what he looks like, or understands why we're not afraid of him afterwards." A few taps on her phone's UI brought up the file, "Let's see if we can't fix both."

The first frame of the moving picture showed him standing stock still over the completed tray of food, not even his chest moving to indicate he was anything but a statue. With his hands flat against the countertop, he was glaring at the food as if it were his sworn enemy. Kelly's voice, quiet and confident, speaking to him, "Shinji? Mo shíorghrá?" The camera shook a bit, "No. Let him be."

Yang's voice could be heard, but nothing of her was seen, "He's fine. We just need to-"

"We need to leave him be. He's processing something, dearie." The camera steadied, "Whatever it is his wingmate sent him, it's pushed a button. I don't doubt that you have all taken to startling him out of these episodes, but I've learned from seeing my uncle having them himself that it's best to just let him be, unless he's aiming to harm himself or others."

Hearing his own voice on the recording was jarring, he sounded very little like what he thought he did. The gravel that he heard from the phone was coarser, with undertones of a musical bass that didn't translate in his own head, "There is no forgiveness." Picking up the pan by the metal cooking surface instead of the handle, he crushed it between his hands into the ball he now held, "I am the reason they suffer. I will be the reason they burn." As he turned to walk around the island, his oddly-colored eye was seen to be glowing with the unnatural flames that sprang up whenever he became angered. As he approached the sink, he looked back down at the pan, "I destroy everything I touch. I have ruined them. The answer is simple…after. Yes," he nodded still looking at the ball of cast iron he held, "after."

"Ok, this has gone on long enough," Yang could be seen to approach him, the video ending.

Looking between the women, Shinji frowned, "I…sound really weird." The beep of his phone drew his eyes back over to the other side of the kitchen, "Damn it. She probably thinks I ignored her. How long was I out?" Reaching the device in two steps, he looked down and read a far better message than he feared.

 _'Hey, you ok? I wasn't serious. I know that it's one of those bizarre holidays here, you're probably helping Nozomi and Sakura. You don't need to start a fight over there trying to find a way to come here and visit your friend. How about a raincheck, hmm? I promise I'll even go find something mildly edible in the cafeteria, if it'll make you happy.'_ There was a tone of desperation, worry or fear that she'd said something that had upset him, ' _I'm heading to the showers now. I'll have my phone, though. So….'_

"A few minutes, not more than ten," Kelly rubbed his back. "We need to get you in to speak with a counselor. Even just someone the Shirakami feel we can trust. You clearly don't remember saying anything, but I get the feeling I'm right."

"After everything, you had better still be laying on our couch watching horror movies with me," Yang hugged into his side, looking up at him with her own worries etched in her eyes. "I've already told you that you don't need to ask me for forgiveness, but I'm giving it to you anyway." Tucking her head against his abs, she clutched tighter, "You don't get to leave us, Shinji Ikari. Not ever."

Closing his eyes and returning the hug with one arm, pulling Kelly into a matching embrace on the other side, he wished fervently he could remember what he'd meant, "I have too many obligations, Yang. I don't plan on abandoning any of you. Especially not my own children." He'd give Asuka a call in a moment, for now…he'd frightened the women he was holding. There could be no forgiveness for that.

+++++ Author's Notes:

TripleF:

RE: Shirakami

They're going to be re-entering the equation reasonably soon, actually.

RE: Failure or success

How Shinji's family goes will likely depend a great deal on the willingness of the people within it to give a little to get a lot. Some can't do that, others do it too much and get too little. Humans are weired, ne?

origamishishou:

RE: Noelle

Things may not pan out like everyone thinks they will. Creation still gets a vote, after all.

SK:

RE: Family Business

That things like this happen in the real world is disturbing. That I'm going to be touching on it in my story is a result of a series of poor decisions on my part.

RE: Family Growth

But wait, there's more!

Timingchameleon:

RE: Toshiro

I really miss writing his character. I could have written, and might in some future scenario write, a Shinji/Hikari or Shinji/Kodama fic where Toshiro taught Shinji how to be a good man while encouraging him to be a good boyfriend, fiancé, and then husband to one of his daughters. A source of good advice and life lessons that might have helped our beleaguered protagonist from making bad decisions was too 'pure' for this story, though.

RE: Angels

Thankfully they will be returning soon, as they have missed their time with Shinji and he hasn't been happy with their time apart. Writing off-scene shenanigans with them was a consideration at one point, but I've tried to focus on finishing the story proper so I don't get distracted and wind up losing and/or distracting my audience.

RE: Toji

That whole storyline is an exercise in restraint for me, honestly. What Toji actually did has remained unspoken to stop me from having to write about it. Honestly, if the story calls for it that may change. But what follows isn't going to be comfortable for anyone to read, which has helped keep that at bay.

You are right in that Misato is 'lying', after a fashion, to protect Shinji. But she's also doing it to protect Sakura, who is too young to have to deal with the crap Maya and Misato are helping her process until they can involve therapists for the entire household.

RE: Lily

It's a feature of my writing, that I've noticed, in that I don't tend to have a 'bad guy', per se. At most, I tend to prefer "us versus them", because it is a rare creature that is truly motivated to do evil for evil's sake. (Not putting down examples to avoid flame wars.) Motivations matter, to living characters, and without proper motivations all you have is a caricature, which isn't interesting to read for me. And if I'm not interested, how could I expect any of you to be? That's not to say there aren't a series of antagonists, obstacles for our protagonists to overcome, but 'antagonist' isn't 'villain'.

RE: Tabris/Perfume/Kaworu/Doctor Not-Feelgood Nagisa

We'll see, I suppose. He's remained enigmatic for good reason, and his motivations aren't necessarily what people believe them to be.

All of my readers:

Thank you for sticking with the story this far. I do appreciate all of your views, reviews, and PMs.


	122. Chapter 122

+++++ 14th Angel + 29: Wednesday (118)

Hundreds of cards had been readied with the help of most of the household, stamps and stickers employed under the direction of Team Rainbow, prepared to present before the clock had reached noon on the day. The next order of business, for Shinji, was far simpler than making certain he did not fail to apply the correct 'cute angle' when marking the paper: he intended to request that Alpha, Bravo, and Charlie form up and make themselves ready to be presented their tokens of gratitude by the youngest ladies in the house.

Kiyomi, wearing a new mark on her formal uniform, met him at the front of the camp where he had been set to waiting by the runner that went to find the commanding officer, "Good morning, sir. What brings you out on a holiday?"

Hikari, who had escorted Shinji for the pleasure of spending some time with him alone, watched as a broad smile encompassed his face. The cause of which remained unclear for a moment, but the joy that suffused his being washed over her and gave her some hope that the day might find a renewed upwards trajectory with whatever followed.

"Congratulations, Major Honda!" Bowing a touch more than might be appropriate, as he outranked her socially, he repeated himself, "Congratulations!"

The newly-minted Major's song flushed with both pride and embarrassment at the warm accolades she was receiving from the man her entire Company had sworn never to disappoint again, "Thank you, Your Grace. The official ceremony isn't until tomorrow morning, but I was promoted effective last night. After presenting the evidence of my former Commander's duplicity to his Commander back north, as well as the AAR for the incident on the bridge, they ordered an out-of-zone promotion. Lieutenant Colonel Hagiwara will be stopping in long enough to take formal command of the Battalion, promote me, and then she'll be unassing our AO to avoid risking irritating you. The last several officers they've sent haven't covered our service in glory, and our superiors would rather trust me to manage overall coordination locally, barring the need for more firepower."

"Congratulations, ma'am," Hikari simply inclined her head a touch. She was still sore over not being allowed to visit Shinji when he was stuck in Unit-01, and relations hadn't cooled sufficiently for her to be less formal, despite her desire to see her husband's mood improve. "You have earned this promotion, from what little I understand of the military."

"Thank you, Your Grace," Kiyomi, on the other hand, was eager to put the past where it belonged. She understood, even empathized, with Hikari's frustrations. But she could not, and would not, have risked her life however.

"I'll be at the ceremony, unless I wouldn't be welcome?" Shinji didn't quite understand the interplay, but was able to read their songs enough to know that nobody was pulling out knives, "They allow outsiders to witness these things, yes?"

The major snorted a laugh, "If you appear, you'd be asked to pin on my rank, sir. You outrank Lieutenant Colonel Hagiwara significantly, as far as the brass is concerned. She'd _eagerly_ let you do-"

"That sounds like a wonderful idea," Hikari interrupted smoothly. "Are there any other promotions that he could help with? After everything recently, it would only help his standing in these soldiers eyes if he gave as evenly as he has had to take, right?"

"If that's something you're interested in doing, Your Grace," Kiyomi focused her words on Shinji, though she pondered what would make his wife so eager for him to act. "There are a number of promotions we were intending on taking care of at the beginning of the month. As well as naming a new Platoon Leader to fill the…recent vacancy."

While normally the idea of appearing in front of a group of people would have terrified him, and more recently simply irritated him, he quickly understood Hikari's thoughts on the matter. He had, just a few days past, had to publicly slap down several people. That would be the memory they held in their minds, if he left it at that. They looked to him, whether he liked it or not, as a leader. And as a leader, he had duties, "I would be honored to take part in such an important occasion. I am positive that they have worked hard to earn their promotions, and if they would like me to be the one to pin on their stripes, I think I can miss some of the school day to do it."

"Good morning, sir! And a good morning to your wife as well!" Bravo Company's Commander announced her arrival, her song as bright and eager as ever, "Good morning, Ma'am. You wear the bars well."

The sudden imbalance was quickly addressed by Kiyomi, "Thanks, Ozaki. I promise, I'm not going to make a deal out of this, so let's keep things friendly, yeah?" Her smile spoke of both honesty and respect, two of the reasons she'd never admit had helped her continued ascent as she preferred to credit hard work and a no-nonsense attitude. "Bravo and Charlie are just as important, and this is one of those 'right place, right time' deals."

"Good morning, Captain Ozaki," Shinji bowed much as Hikari had earlier. He was far friendlier with Alpha Company, though the shorter commander of Bravo's attitude and pleasant nature was growing on him. "We're waiting on Charlie, correct?"

"We are, sir," Kiyomi's jaw clenched momentarily. The call had gone out long enough ago that the newest commander ought to have already been present. "I apologize for the delay, hopefully you aren't about to announce the need for…." Letting the comment trail off as Alpha Company's radio sergeant came trotting over in a hurry, the ranking military member raised her eyebrow, "Sergeant?"

"Sorry, ma'am," the man had clearly run some distance to reach them. "Captain Sada wasn't in her tent. Lieutenant Ueno has his team scouring the camp for her. He says he'll send a report in ten, and has already contacted the XO to fill in. He's less than four minutes out, having been at PT when word went out."

"Understood, sergeant. Keep me posted." She dismissed the man with a short gesture before turning to Shinji, "My apologies, Your Grace. Will Lieutenant Yasui be sufficient, or would you prefer to wait for his errant Commander?"

He frowned, uncertain of the proper order in this instance, "The Lieutenant will have the authority to form her men up, correct? Charlie Company's Commander, I mean."

"Without question," Captain Ozaki stated firmly. "The XO would be the one to take over, in the event Captain Sada fell during combat."

"Then we'll proceed when he gets here," concern that something might be amiss began to creep into his mind.

Captain Ozaki looked to Kiyomi with a more plain look of displeasure, "Just continuing to cover ourselves in glory, aren't we?"

Hikari's voice touched him, _Wouldn't there be more of a…panic, if something were truly wrong? She could simply be in the toilet, couldn't she?_ When he looked down to her, she shrugged slightly, _I know that every time we relax we get kicked in the teeth. But we can't live our lives like that, my love. If action is necessary, I have absolute faith you will act as you must. Try not to condition yourself to always acting, though. It's unhealthy._

"I'm not angry, Captain," Shinji took his wife's advice. "I'm worried. Life has grown fond of punching me in the gut every chance it gets, and eventually I came to expect it every time I asked for something."

"It's not paranoia if they're genuinely out to get you," Kiyomi muttered. "Here he comes." Tipping her head towards a stocky man wearing his PT uniform approaching at a dead run, she sighed, "Can't fault him for not changing. Front and center means front and center." Raising her voice as he slowed to a stop, she made quick introductions, "Your Graces, may I introduce Lieutenant Yasui, the Executive Officer for Charlie Company. Lieutenant, Her Grace, Hikari Ikari, The Duchess of Chūbu, and His Grace Shinji Ikari, The Duke of Chūbu, first of his name, Paladin of the Realm, Acting Regent and Devoted Protector of Old Hakone and its Environs."

"Please forgive my lack of formal uniform," the man's high tenor announced swiftly. "I was engaged in exercises with other members of the command staff when the call came out."

"It's no concern, Lieutenant," Shinji motioned simply, then turned to face all three officers evenly. "The situation isn't terribly dire, but I was hoping that I could ask for a simple favor of the three of you. You see," clasping his hands before him, he let the gravity of the situation speak for itself, "Team Rainbow has asked that they be allowed to personally present their gratitude to your soldiers. They are deeply grateful for your protection, and your professionalism. They have not, as I requested they not be, been informed of some of the recent errors. I would prefer that they remain ignorant for the moment, as we have not yet had 'the talk' with them regarding the acts which precede pregnancies."

Kiyomi nodded, "Of course, Your Grace. I assume they've prepared a card of some sort? We could form up as a series of Companies, if that would do, and I could accept the card on the Battalion's behalf. I don't see the harm in letting Rainbow speak to them and, if I'm honest, boost morale with pure adorableness."

"Ah," Hikari coughed out a laugh, "they've made a card for each individual soldier." She let the announcement sink in for a moment, "I was able to get the duty roster from my Uncle. We were hoping that, perhaps, you might have a few people who could help us organize the cards so that they might hand them out in person. Sakura-chan is…especially eager to give back to the people who protected Nozomi-chan."

"I can have Charlie here on the double, ma'am," the lieutenant looked to Major Honda. "We have three fireteams out on patrol, currently. Once enough of my people have received their gifts, I'll send them out to relieve the patrols and have them return for their own."

"Make it happen, Lieutenant," Major Honda dismissed the man with a twitch of her finger. "Captain Ozaki?"

The shorter woman rocked her hand as the man turned and sprinted off towards his own encampment, "Might take me a bit longer. My people are still spread out across all three camps now. Maybe ten?"

"If you would," Kiyomi hoped to maintain the peer-level interactions with the woman she'd found to be far more capable than first blush would indicate. As the captain turned and moved off with a purpose, the major lifted her hand and beckoned her not really loitering, simply patiently waiting for whatever was about to happen, First Sergeant over. Once the man was close enough that she wouldn't be yelling to be heard, she sent him off to order her own people to present themselves. Facing Shinji, she finished setting up the situation, "My people are guarding the perimeter today, so we'll be shorthanded."

"I had anticipated that," he gestured back to the house, then offered his elbow to Hikari as the trio set off. "We'll walk them around to the perimeter points. I want to see how strong Sakura-chan's recovery is, if she starts to waver, I'll carry her myself. They spend so much time cooped up…I want to show them 'why', so to speak."

Hikari held onto his arm with a sad smile, "Because they are loved deeply by a great man, who refuses to allow anyone to be put at risk unnecessarily. Because that great man is hated by dangerous people, who want to ruin everyone's lives selfishly. _Not,_ " she looked up at him meaningfully, "because my husband is in their lives. They would be just as much at risk if I had never met you, the dangers would simply be hidden."

"Better that they're out in the open where we can see them, oppose them, and overcome them," Kiyomi agreed readily. "Your wife has the right of it, Shinji. Nozomi-chan and Sakura-chan are beloved by my people, and none of us are grousing for having to protect you or your family. We could be deployed to various peacekeeping missions to the southwest, or attached to UN nonsense in Europe. Instead, we're here. In our homeland. Protecting the defender of mankind and his two adorable little ladies."

Feeling Hikari tense, he allowed her to pull him to a stop, which enabled Kiyomi to open the door for them. The sounds of laughter and love flowing out from within the building rolled across him, "The highs are so high, and the lows so low…." Shaking off the panic attack and the fugue, he set himself back in the mindset to interact with the children in the home, "I need to be better."

Kiyomi held out her hand as he went to pass behind his wife, gently touching his chest, "You need to be _you_ , Shinji. Better comes with time, and less kicks in the face. You're a good man as you are, take faith in that."

+++++ 14th Angel + 29: Wednesday (118)

It was, for Shinji, a distinctly unique experience. Sitting behind Nozomi and Sakura, the dainty damsels of delightfulness, he listened to the impromptu speech the pair had prepared. Both young girls put their hearts out for the assembled troops, causing every good-hearted man and woman to ready themselves for an assault on the gates of the underworld itself if necessary to keep the smiles on their faces. Arrayed in politically minded seating to both sides was the rest of his household, minus Rose who had to remind Team Rainbow that she wasn't officially present, and Lilith who hadn't yet returned from NERV to present her case to Shinji. The unity of purpose remained audible in their songs, though there was some strain present after word had spread of his rapidly cycling emotional lows.

"And so," Sakura was given the honor of ending the first part of the presentation, "we hope that our humble offering will remind you of those you love waiting for you to return safely to them. We know that it is very hard to be safe in a dangerous job like you have, but we would be heartbroken if any of you could not return to them. We have both lost our fathers, and we don't want anyone else to hurt that bad. Thank you, again, and we…uhm, we love all of you."

Shinji gained his feet first, leading the applause that was swiftly encouraged by the officers and enthusiastically taken up by the enlisted. He had no doubt in his mind that there were three or four individuals, who he mentally marked off, that remained both unmoved and uninspired, _You see them?_

Suzuka's pulse of recognition was all he needed. She would ask the appropriate questions, and they would have answers. If they simply did not like children, they'd find other tasks to occupy their time while their fellows guarded the elementary school. If they didn't like Nozomi, or Sakura, they'd find a different region to occupy. After Lieutenant Hoshi demonstrated that human perfidy didn't start or stop at SEELE's bidding, he wouldn't relax until he was certain of everyone's loyalty.

The speech over, he stepped around the front of the dais that had been assembled to help the senior enlisted in organizing the cards on the broad tables they carried over for the purpose. There was an eagerness on his part to have even a small part in something many of his peers had already done, in presenting markers of gratitude to those that kept people safe on the national holiday, but mostly he wanted to allow the Major, the Captain, and the Lieutenant the opportunity to raise the children's profile by walking them through how things would be handled.

Maya, Misato, and Ritsuko began a conversation with the two XOs that weren't filling in for their commanders. Suzuka and Kelly ducked off to the side to speak to a few of the known NCOs that could give them more intel on the dark spots in the formation. Kodama, Hikari, Yang, and Tsuru all shifted to support Nozomi and Sakura, without overshadowing or drawing attention away. The three agents remained in the background, watching warily for anyone that might make a move to attack the non-combatants, wherever they may stand. It was choreographed without pre-arrangements, it was a choir without need of sheet music, and despite everything…it was missing something.

 _Sahaquiel…let the shield down. Please, everyone, come out and tell me what you see._ He couldn't continue to hide away the Aspects within him. Not and ask others to believe him when he said he loved them dearly. _Just, don't show yourselves to the…mortals. They're not ready to have their notions of 'reality' broken that badly._

The first to shimmer into existence nearby, in the relative sense, was Ramiel, the titanic polygon taking a position between Shinji and the sun to cast a slight shimmer over the people around him, _Are you certain, Great One? These Lilin seem to be rather eager to embrace your majesty._

Popping into being near Maya was Gaghiel, who was very careful to let her know where he was before settling atop her head and hugging her with his fins, _The Great One knows his people better than we do, Ramiel. He's probably politely being cautious, because we're a lot older than they are._ Sandalphon settled amongst the cards, observing the movements without commenting, as Sachiel strode past to peek through the liquids on display with Matarael perched on his enormous shoulder.

Shamshel rested on Ramiel's side, _They. Feel/Sense. They. Know/Understand._

 _Uhm…Daddy, I…I don't want to say I think you aren't right…._ Sahaquiel sat off to the side, her colossal size fitting well in the area set aside for helicopters and VTOLs to land, nervously watching for any signs that he might have been displeased, _But without me shielding your soul, she can just shove anyone in there she wants to._

The Israfel twins perched on his shoulders, speaking in unison, _He no longer wishes to be separated from us, dear sister. If that means he must suffer her treachery, then at least she will expose herself in the doing. He is no longer tortured prey, he is now the hunter._

Bardiel had reduced her size to the point where she could sit atop his crown without issue, her touch all around him in the clothes he wore and her hair draping to caress his neck lightly, _It is wonderful to see him again in the flesh, isn't it?_

Leliel held his arm, looking intently at the cheerful colorations on the stock paper, _Must it be so…bright?_ Looking up at him with a slight pout, she toyed with his sleeve, _I could show them how to use shades of black and grey to draw attention to what they're doing…if you'd let me._

Ireul, the next to last to appear, put her foot down, _Enough. His Grace is focusing on His duties. Each of you know what you ought to be about. His love has been constant, and He summoned you to be by His side. We will remain to safeguard Him, all of you have a world to set aright._

 _I promise,_ Shinji fought against speaking aloud, far too used to talking to a person he saw with his mouth still, _I'll spend more time with all of you soon. But it might be better for you to get some exercise right now while I hand out cards._ With varying methods of informing him of their love, the multitude of former Angels disappeared to other places nearby, helping continue the repairs to the world that had been so horribly scarred by the one who was once their father. With his hands still in motion, setting up the boxes of cards that he would be responsible for searching through to help Nozomi and Sakura hand them out appropriately, he took note of the one, final, straggler. _It is good to finally meet you, Zeruel._

Standing impassively behind him as the distribution began in earnest, the former Angel of Strength remained silent. There was no menace, no anger or irritation to speak of. There was also, however, no joy or pleasure to be heard in the Aspect's song. The pressure of its presence was neither as powerful as Sachiel's, nor as barely there as Sandalphon's. The latest addition to his family simply _was._

 _Have I done something to upset you?_ He wouldn't turn around to address the being directly, both to maintain the façade of normalcy for everyone around him that was joyfully receiving both cards and hugs from those under his protection, and because he got the feeling that Zeruel didn't want him to. _I promise…I am no longer angry with you. You are no longer the being I met, the being I fought countless times before._

 _He is concerned about Your eye, Your Grace._ Ireul's maintenance of the formalities was telling in its own right, _Its flames grow in a manner that he feels may soon be difficult to contain._

 _They are a manifestation of your unprocessed darkness,_ the being's voice was a powerful whisper, accustomed to being heeded without demanding his attention. _It is no strength to suffer in silence, Great One. True strength is, as you once understood it to be, all around you. It takes many hands to slay a giant, to support the one great arm which casts the stone._

Shinji covered over a sigh by looking down at the next box of cards to be handed out, _If there is more that I could say to them, I would say it. Whatever it is that comes over me when I…blank out, I don't know what it is when I'm aware. I agree, I'm not really completely sold on the idea of having the population of a small city for a family, but I'm slowly coming around to it._

Ireul stepped in, _He'll consider your words, brother. Please, keep promoting the unity you have been. They've been much better for your efforts, and the universe itself will be grateful that His home kept the peace._

Catching the frown before it hit his face, he handed another container to the XO of Charlie Company, _Has Zeruel been influencing my household?_

 _Only in enabling a spirit of peace, my love._ The reversion to ordinary woman told him well enough that they were alone now, _He cannot foster unity where it is impossible to exist, and unity of action, of purpose, is not unity of thought or emotion. A diversity of opinion, of faith or belief, can co-exist with unity of form and function. You need look no further than the armed might of your Guard for the truth of that statement. Buddhists, adherents of Shinto, a few believers in Christianity, Agnostics, Atheists, all gathered together to do what is best for their nation. It is the same in your household, regardless of Zeruel's wishes. The women have all agreed you must be taught that physical love is no crime, before Lilith comes to dominate your lusts. Your latest Child has simply fostered their desire to see the best of others' intent, not compelled them to accept their arguments or merits._

 _Arguing from good faith,_ Shinji understood the concept well. It was, in many ways, the only way to seek true resolution between warring camps. If neither side believed that the other was truly willing to give those things that they offered to get those things they needed, it didn't matter how talented the mediator was…war would be inevitable. Zeruel's uses began to form in his mind, _I could bring world leaders together, have them actually begin to speak to one another about what's stopped them from bargaining with each other openly._

The one-eyed woman he loved knew he wasn't ignoring his own issues. She had picked up on his habit of looking externally for what could be done internally long ago, it was one of his charms in her mind. _The children have done well. I look forward to the day when I might be able to give them a hug, and tell them as much in person._

Shinji watched for a time as Kiyomi and Captain Ozaki's smiles grew more and more fond of the youngest members of his household. Uncles and aunts volunteering their undying loyalty to a pair of girls that differed from any other children only in their proximity to him. _Humans truly do look for heroes before looking to themselves for heroism…don't they?_

It was Ritsuko who replied first, _Humans are weak, spineless, creatures that respond selfishly nine times out of ten. We're pack animals, and the reason we hold up heroes for doing what's necessary is because it silences our guilt for not stepping up and doing it ourselves._

Suzuka didn't disagree, _If everyone did what was necessary, the concept of heroism would not exist. What is heroic about brushing your teeth? About making yourself breakfast? Some will always suffer more so that many may go about their ordinary lives unconcerned with greatness that they neither desire nor deserve._

 _That's a bit cynical, don't you think?_ Maya huffed, _You just need to show them the merits of doing what's right. Is it hard? Yes. But the right thing often is._

 _There's always going to be a few who can't or won't,_ Hikari agreed. _But as flawed as humanity is, we've survived this long because we chose to do what we had to do, from time to time. I'd say that more than heroes, humans look for leaders. People to show them the right path, so that they can walk it with confidence._

Yang's song was tinged with sorrow, _I told Rei-chan once that we were looking to have Shinji provide people with that kind of an example. That him having so many women around him wasn't a problem because they'd provide him with both comfort and advice._ She rallied quickly, _Which is why we need to do what we can, so that we don't waste the sacrifices of those we look to for protection._

Shinji looked over to where Misato stood, feeling her hurt as much as he did at the mention of their lost bluenette. _I'll always be grateful for those I have around me, and those who gave what they had so that I could stand where I am._ Catching her eyes as she looked to his, he gave her his warmest smile, _That's why we're handing out cards with Rainbow, right? Teach them the meaning of sacrifice in a less threatening way, help them understand that they need to do what they can to help those who protect everyone._ The wink he received, accompanying a melancholy grin, told him he'd chosen the right words.

He just wished that they weren't so hollow in his heart.

+++++ 14th Angel + 29: Wednesday (118)

Escorted by Kiyomi and her First Sergeant, Shinji and Tsuru walked the perimeter of the Manor's fencing with Nozomi and Sakura. With the seafoam-eyed beauty already in his soul, he'd let himself relax more and was walking with her on his arm, "Thank you for coming out with me. It's become rather cold of late, are you warm enough?"

"You are more than enough heat for me." Her response was slightly dreamy, "It's actually nice to feel the chill in the air. Our generation has never experienced an actual winter, have we?"

"I think I remember seeing snow, once," Kiyomi ventured. "But I'm not sure if that was a dream, or a memory."

"You aren't that much older than us," Shinji nodded. "I'm sure if we asked Kozo, or Philip, they'd have stories."

"Walking up hill both ways, barefoot, through three feet of snow to get to school," the older Senior NCO chuckled. "I've seen a few snowfalls in my time. The weather keeps up, you'll probably get your first taste yourselves."

"That'd be super awesome! We could make a snowman, and build a fort, and throw snowballs at nii-san," Nozomi's enthusiasm continued for several more minutes, with Sakura smiling with tempered enthusiasm, relying on the small cane she'd been ordered to use by Ritsuko and Kodama for mobility.

 _It wouldn't be that difficult to ask Matarael to make it snow, you know,_ Ireul sat on the shoulder opposite Tsuru, having reduced her size dramatically to spend more time in physical contact with him. _It is, mostly, the season for it._

Spying the next outpost, Shinji shook his head slightly, _Not yet. I have to fight the Angels, and piloting a gajillion ton machine is difficult enough without adding on worse traction and wet ground. I'll try and make it up to them after we finish things._ Raising the hand on Ireul's side as they came close enough for politely raised voices, he put on the fake smile he'd been practicing, "Good afternoon, folks. I understand that you ordered a shipment of enthusiasm?"

"Fourth Squad is never lacking in enthusiasm, sir," the Squad Leader greeted heartily in return. "But we can always find a use for more." Slinging her weapon over her shoulder, she crouched down to look at the two children on their level, "How are you two doing today, hmm? Keeping busy and out of trouble?"

"It has been," Sakura was breathing heavy, but had repeatedly demanded to be allowed to walk on her own, "a very good day, ma'am. We came," she paused for a breath, gesturing to Nozomi, "to bring you our gratitude."

Picking up for her winded best friend, the lone remaining Horaki pulled out the packet from her satchel for the team before them, "We are _super_ grateful that you and your friends are watching after us. Nii-san can't be there all the time, and having so many uncles and aunts make sure that nobody mean comes and hurts Sakura-chan is super important!" Thumbing through the envelopes, she found the one for the NCO before her, "We thank you for your hard work, and are sorry that you have to work on a holiday."

Hugs and more repetitions of the phrase followed, and Shinji's heart steadied as the members of Fourth Squad reacted with both kindness and caution. As one person received their gift, the others maintained their vigil. He hadn't seen a single member of Alpha that he was concerned about, everyone burning with determination that Team Rainbow be kept unmolested by the world. "Captain," he'd said the same thing at every station where it would be heard, needing to add his part to the overall morale of the unit, "I remain grateful that your people have shown their willingness to improve so rapidly. A rocky start did not dampen their spirits, and I could not ask for better than Alpha Company."

Kiyomi's song had held a tone of curiosity the first time he'd repeated himself at the second guard post, on this third iteration she instead demonstrated understanding of his motivations, "I'm proud of my kids, sir. This was an odd deployment, and the first for a number of our folks. They've responded well to the challenges present, and I'm confident that they appreciate your trust in their hard work."

The First Sergeant added his own commentary, wanting to remind the soldiers that Shinji was likely to be the man they served for some time yet, "We've got a long road ahead of us, Your Grace. Alpha won't let you walk it alone. Hooah?"

The response from Fourth was immediate, if tempered to not startle Team Rainbow, "Hooah!"

The final few cards handed out, wishes for a quiet watch given, Shinji started them towards the final group to be visited. Once they were far enough away to not be overheard, he asked something that had been a curiosity for him, "I do wonder, from time to time, who I would need to speak to in order to have your unit permanently assigned to the area. Build a barracks, or something of the sort, so that we didn't have to have your people living in tents."

"We typically rotate assignments, sir," the First Sergeant's response was more inclined towards educational than rebuttal. "The folks we have here will need training, downtime to visit family or unwind their mind from being switched on, things of that nature. Alpha Company may remain, but the faces will change."

"What if they prefer working here, though?" Tsuru, not having had much exposure to the military, sought to support Shinji's idea, "I've heard a number of the soldiers talking about requesting a return after they went to…what was it they said, ALC?"

Kiyomi nodded, "It's about time for a couple of the Sergeants to go, yes. The school they're referring to is where they learn how to lead more effectively. We expect every one of our soldiers to be a leader in some capacity, even the lowest enlisted needs to be ready to pick up the banner in an emergency, but ALC is where we send our Sergeants before we promote them further. It shows us who has what it takes, and who needs more work before they're ready."

The idea made sense to Shinji, but he wasn't deterred, "I think I might still talk it over with Misato." He looked out towards the city, "A hand-picked guard, dedicated to my family…however big that family becomes."

+++++ 14th Angel + 29: Wednesday (118)

The doorbell rang an hour before it was time for dinner, bringing with it a feeling of relief to Shinji. He'd sensed her arrival, and been warned about it over text by the gate guards, but the way that Asuka's song spoke to him of nervousness had not been reflected in her pace in announcing her presence. The house was the contained wall of noise and activity it had settled in to, and so when he reached the door to greet her it extended past him as he opened it and said, "Thanks for coming, Two."

"I thought I was leaving the army behind when I came in," stepping boldly over the threshold and kicking off her shoes, she smiled in commiseration. "What am I walking into?"

"Team games," guiding her with a gentle touch to the back, he moved her towards the kitchen and away from the groups of women working together to emerge victorious. With the noise dimmed dramatically by the acoustical dampening of the construction, he visibly relaxed in an effort to show her that she should too, "Nozomi-chan and Sakura-chan are refereeing, and the winner of the games gets to read them bedtime stories over the next several days."

Settling herself on the barstools at the central island, she nodded, "And you're abstaining, because…?"

"Fairness. That and I read them a story every night anyway," he shrugged with a 'what can you do' grin. Finally looking at what she was wearing, he once more felt that the women in his life were being unfair to the Second Child. She was ravishing, even in something as simple as the knee-length skirt and sweater combination she had chosen for the 'family dinner'. "You look fantastic. How are you feeling?"

"Better, hearing that you like what I threw together," she downplayed the efforts she clearly went to, as usual. Letting him see her appraise him, her song spoke a much different tune than her words, "Passable. You could use some help choosing colors, but the fabric looks like it's excellent quality." There was, as he had…feared? Hoped? …As he had known there would be, an increasing amount of attraction in her gaze.

He knew that attraction was written all over him as well, "So, Doctor Langley Soryu," he layered the name and title with ostentatious respect, "what would you recommend I choose for coloration to maximize my allure in your considered opinion?" His hopes were that by playing around, he could keep things from becoming too uncomfortable as they danced around the inevitable conversation.

"Well," playing along, she lifted her chin in a display of pretentiousness, "I should think that a lighter grey for your slacks, to start, would be better. The contrast is too strong between the darker color and your hair and skin. You need to mellow the white so that attention isn't drawn where you don't want it."

"Like…this?" Willing the cloth to a brighter hue, he kept his hands in his pockets.

Her jaw tensed, startled at the casual display of powers, before she forced herself to relax and laugh, "Ok. You're an ass sometimes. I forget that, from time to time." Bapping him in the stomach with her clutch purse, she smiled teasingly, "Warn a lady before you start messing with the fabric of reality."

"Just the fabric of my pants, for now." Pulling his left hand out of his pocket and plucking at his shirt, he tilted his head, "What about this? I just chose two of the colors my wives wore. As you can see, I can change it at any time." Moving to continue dinner preparations, he rolled up his sleeves, "It's no more taxing than breathing, so don't worry."

"How?" Scientific curiosity overtook caution, "And match my eyes."

Without looking back at those cerulean orbs, he willed his shirt to be a perfect match, including the touch of steel they held. "Bardiel. The…former Angel, now Aspect, is a part of me. My clothing, my hairbands, they're all made by her. She can make fog, or haze, or mirages. She can also, I learned, produce clothing for me and anyone I choose."

"You're fairly confident in my eye color." The way she spoke made the question clear, "It looks good on you."

"It looks better on you," he replied evenly. He refused to just blurt out his thoughts, though he wouldn't let her leave his house without knowing confidently one way or the other, he also didn't want to make it seem as if he was breathlessly waiting to pounce. She had been, all her life, the victim of terrible acts. He would not compound those acts. "Of course, I can't think of anything that wouldn't look better on you than on me."

"Lavender, lighter purples, things like that," there was a curiosity to her song. "They make me look far too pale, and they wash my hair out something terrible." The slight jingle of her purse settling on the countertop preceded the light shuffle of fabric as she shifted to face him more fully, "Did I actually ask you what I think I did?"

"Eve was there," he parried. "Didn't she brief you?"

A soft snort, the side of her she'd never have shown to any other man, and an eyeroll he could feel but not see, "She embellishes everything. To hear her talk, you're the pinnacle of masculinity. The Alpha and the Omega of Manhood."

His knife stayed in motion, working potatoes into coins, "That's not embellishment, that's a straight out and out lie. I'm probably more feminine than some of the women I know."

"Than me?" She continued to dig, searching for an answer to a question only she knew.

"You're a special case, I would say," he wouldn't lie. "You can be, at times, the most ladylike woman I've ever seen. Dignified, powerful, radiant. Other times, you take charge of situations, you stand up to people who look down on you, or on those you care about. You protect people in a very masculine way. I wouldn't think to narrow you down to either side of your personality. I would just say that you're who you are." The carrots began their journey through his plans, "If anything, I'm neither as feminine nor as masculine as you, depending on what you feel like projecting at the time."

A cheer went up from the main room, three of the groups calling out as one regarding something happening to the fourth. The increased noise bought Asuka some time to process his response, turning it this way and that to see the angles and edges. "If I asked you to, would you give me a hug?"

Looking back over his shoulder as he peeled, he grinned, "I'll always have a hug for you. Whatever kind of hug you want."

The way her head tilted set her hair to fanning out, as she displayed an appealing amount of her neck, "What if I asked you for a kiss?" The woman before him wasn't the one from her bedroom. That woman wanted to just rip away the veils and see what was underneath, for good or ill. This one was far more methodical, carefully lifting the fabric free and assessing each layer as she went.

Returning to what he was doing, he kept himself from offering one right then and there. He admitted to himself that she was, and always had been, a creature that was crafted just to torment him. Beautiful in all the ways he knew were terrible to behold, she offered the opportunity to shelter someone, and to serve without reservation, "I'd want to know why, first. A kiss on the side of the mouth, like you give me from time to time, is…wonderful. But I _am_ married, and the rules of my house are clear."

"What if I asked you to marry me?" That this wasn't the ultimate question tipped her hand as to the priorities in her mind.

"I'd _need_ to know why you wanted to." The tofu took its place in line.

She was a predator, he was the quarry, "Do _you_ want to?"

His knife stopped, "I need to keep you safe. I want to make you happy. I want to give you freedom to be who you want to be…but I need you to understand my limitations. I can't accept other men, acting in the way I would with you. I can't accept random women, acting in that way with either of us. We are a team, the household and I. The rules are the same for every member, if anything they're stricter for me."

"So you _would_ kiss me." Her voice grew cold, "Turn around."

Setting his knife where it would be safe, if Nozomi charged in, he grabbed the towel to wipe his hands off, buying time. She was showing him who she was, who she truly was, and he had to be ready to share his own reality. As he faced her, there sat the same woman who'd slid onto his lap while his emotions were numbed in this very room. The same dead eyes that had seen far too much of the world for only sixteen years. The same animal lust that she kept shoved in a box in the back of a closet. Words he'd spoken to Misato suddenly seemed appropriate, "You are worthy of love, Asuka."

"So are you, Shinji." Her rebuttal wasn't prideful, or stinging. She was reading the weather, stating a hard fact. "Would you still kiss me, knowing what I am inside?"

His eye sprang to life, the guards and focus that kept his rage at bay falling to the floor, "Would you still want me to, knowing that I am a monster?"

"We're all monsters, Shinji," an amused smirk lifted one edge of her lips. "Some of us just hide it better." Slipping off the stool, she walked over and pulled him down closer to her height. Without touching, she put her hand close to the flames, "Cold. How odd." In a move that provoked panic, she tapped her finger into the depths of the fire just below his eye, "Hmm…wet."

Standing back up, moving the risk away from her, he scowled as he took her hand and inspected her fingers for damage, "Why would you do that? What if that burned you? What if that-"

"You won't let it hurt me," she cut him off simply. "You love me too much to let anything hurt me, so long as you can control it." Watching the flames smolder and die, a touch of pout found her mouth, "They're pretty. Why hide them?"

"Because it can hurt people," grateful that she was unharmed, that her flesh was smooth and untouched, he cupped her hand in his. "I couldn't live with myself if I hurt someone I love."

Pulling him down again, she kissed him with controlled ferocity. She'd heard him say what she'd needed to hear, she'd seen the truth of how he acted, both enraged and devastated. There wasn't a cheat, a scoundrel, hiding behind his guard…there was an animal. A dark, hate-filled, being that she recognized oh so well. She wasn't joining his family to be saved, not now that she understood the truth. She was joining because she saw in him what she saw in the mirror. She just had to teach him how to let it out, from time to time. Locking eyes with him as she pulled back, she commanded him, "I want in. What do I do?"

His heart was hammering, the intensity of the kiss something he hadn't anticipated from her, "I…you…." Swallowing, he fought his mind for control, "You smell so…."

The feel of his hands as he gripped her at the waist filled in the rest of his thought. The idea that she could prompt a loss of control, of reserve, stroked her ego nicely. Whatever he was getting from the others, she still had something else to offer. Something they couldn't give him. Something he couldn't contain. Trailing a finger down his chest, she tapped a different button on his shirt with each word, "What. Do. I. Do?"

"Hikari. Kodama. Maya. Suzuka." He lamented Rose not being around, though he understood that she was actively searching for ways to eliminate Tabris, "You have to ask them for permission. The others would be nice, if you could get the approval of…uhm," the disorder in his mind was unexpected, and he couldn't stop from feeling as if he should just skip the formalities and fix things now. Just drag her to his room and…. "How you ask is up to you…I don't care how you do it."

"Mmm, probably a bad choice of words, giving me that broad of leeway," she touched her lips lightly to his again before leaving the kitchen. "Be right back." The tip of her index finger trailed under his chin as she walked away, the monster she hid going back behind the curtains as she reached the door. Leaning out, she waited for a lull in the noise, "Hey, who out there cares if he invites me in? I can offer German lessons to die kinder, violin lessons to anyone else, and I pilot an enormous robot in my spare time."

 _Stall her._ Shinji didn't want to believe himself weak enough to be overwhelmed still by Asuka. Something was wrong, _I'm not opposed, you know that. But I need a few moments to talk to someone._

 _I'm not going to stall her, I'm going to hurt her,_ Kodama growled. _That is not how you ask to join this family._

Maya was more measured, _Do what you need to Pup. I'll handle everyone out here._ "Come out here and sit with us, Asuka. Let's talk."

"Fine, fine," the redheaded pilot rolled her hands with boredom, "we'll make a bigger deal out of this than there needs to be." Winking back at him, she walked out to fight for what she had come to determine she was owed.

Trusting his wives, far more than he trusted himself, he focused on the odd presence out, _Eve. Would you kindly-_

The fact that he'd long since become accustomed to beautiful women popping in and out of visible reality probably said unflattering things about his mental grounding. That his reaction to suddenly having a beautiful woman kissing him desperately was equally calm and steady definitely said unflattering things about his personality, in his opinion. With her arms around his neck, her lips fighting to part his, and her body pressed as fully against him as she could make it, Adam's second ex-wife sought to tell him without words that he should make tonight more accepting than he'd intended.

Pushing her back after another moment, he held her at bay, "Why?"

"Because 'normal' to her is not what you want it to be," earthen green eyes glowed with hunger. "Bonded to you, she'll heal. It will take a few hundred years, but it _will_ happen. On her own, she'll spend the rest of a very short life dealing with manic highs and tragic lows. She'll bounce from abusive relationship to abusive relationship, never finding the solace she needs to become whole. She'll run away from you, from your love, and delay by a few paltry revolutions around your star the inevitable." Wrapping her legs around his waist, she held herself tight against him, "She'll end up slitting her wrists open to escape from a past that will never leave her alone. So I ask you the mirrored question of the same thing, why not?"

"Not her," he sighed, intending to deal with her thoughts on Asuka later. "Why do _you_ want to be with me so badly?"

Her smile was springtime flowers in bloom, it was the renewal of life and hope, "Because I am a being of love, and growth. My duty to Creation is to ensure the Garden continues to grow, his answer to Lilith's propagation. You, Shinji Ikari, have so much love within you that you are bursting at the seams. You've let my Children roam free, unfettered by anything but your demand that they _heal_ instead of destroy. You are everything Adam should have been, and you are wasted on a being of lust like Lilith. Imagine what we could do, together. The life we could craft from the nothingness around us! Tell me," settling back, thrilling as he instinctively caught her though she was at no risk of falling, she displayed herself fully, "when you feel my song…does it not resonate with you?" Doubt shone in her smirk, "Does _hers_?"

There was, in Eve, an echo of his own being. A call to…become whole. "If I take you in, what does that mean for Asuka?"

"I would be punished for breaking the contract, not her." lifting herself back up, she kissed him lightly. "But my 'death', such as it would be, would precede my ascension to the same state of being as my Children. It might hurt, in the moment, but once I walked freely through your soul I would be surrounded by your love. If the thought of me hurting bothers you," her eyes glittered, "you could always enter your soul to kiss it and make it better?"

"And if I bond her, without taking you in?" He was enjoying her touch far too much.

"You'll feel me," her hips rolled against him, "but to a much lesser degree. I'll still be separate, distinct. It might end up hurting her, confusing her." She shrugged, her breasts bouncing enticingly, "It might even prevent the bond from completing. A schism between you two might permanently form, forever incomplete, forever half-fulfilled."

Forcing her from him, he set the temptation down and backed up, "Stop." He felt like he wasn't getting enough oxygen, his heart pounding in his chest, "Have you…have you been messing with my mind?"

"No," there was pain in her eyes at the charge, but no duplicity in her song. "What you feel is what I feel. We are meant to be, Wanderer. I am meant to be by your side, for all time."

He recognized the compulsion from Lilith's demonstration in the forest. The reminder of the woman who'd brought him across realities carried with it an idea, _Lily. I know you can hear me. Please, I need you._

There was no delay between the end of his thought and the arrival of an angered superwoman, "I had better like this explanation, Snake, or he won't prevent what I do to you. He can bond Asuka and fix her mind, you'll take a lot longer to put back together."

Of any emotion he expected to be radiating off of the impossibly black-haired eternal being, jealousy would have been the last, if it even made the list. He noticed the tell-tale signs of time dilation, Lilith using her power to accelerate their awareness, and set his hand on her shoulder to stop her from attacking, "I'm fine." He wanted them both. "I…need you to stop this," he gestured vaguely around his chest, "whatever it is. You…you stopped it before."

Snapping one last threat at Eve, she made the situation clear, "Move, and I will end you." Facing him, she set her hands on his chest and scowled, "It's becoming worse. I can't keep shielding you from a distance, not without…. Lover, I told you that you needed to start accepting affections."

"You, hnng," sitting down hard, he fought to keep his hands from her, "you told me _they_ needed affection."

"They _are_ you," Eve stated quietly. "Your souls are one, my dearest love. Fed and watered by your hand, your flowers blossom…or wither, as you will it." When Lilith glared at her she scowled in return, "I have done nothing but speak the truth, Lamia."

"We were," he lay down flat on his back as his breathing becoming more labored, "discussing…bonding. Her, Asuka…."

"Bonding her?" Lilith was soothing his chest, trying to even out his temperament, "Not by killing her, right? She wasn't stupid enough to recommend the one option that would end in Asuka dying, and thereby the one option that would hurt you." Her eyes began to glow, "Or, perhaps, she's forgotten what pain is."

"I was to have him take me into his soul, first," Eve grumbled. "Removing me from Asuka's contract. It would have hurt, for a time, but I would have had his assurances that he would kill me after bonding her. The chit's life was never in danger, I am not an imbecile, Screech Owl."

 _Stop._ Reverting to mental communication, he gave up on getting his lungs to obey, _Lily, how do I stop this? I can't walk around the house like some mobile erection._ Resting one hand on her thigh, he begged her with a smile, _You all deserve better. You and I are just angry with each other…we'll reach a calm even, eventually._

"The easiest way would be to just do it," taking his hand from her leg, she moved it between her breasts. "Second easiest would be to just let go of your control over-"

 _Not an option,_ he liked the idea of walking around with his eye glowing even less than walking around the house randomly taking women to a secluded spot for a time. _Let's…they'd just volunteer._ He'd had a momentary flash of brilliance, thinking to take those women tied to his soul into his soul space. He could discuss with them what was happening, have them help him devise a plan. The instant someone mentioned just taking the problem in hand, he'd either give in and allow them or they'd see the costs to his sense of self.

"Then let me ask one of them for you," the Night Mother leaned over him, begging him to stop hurting himself needlessly. "It doesn't have to be all of them. Little bits of affection here and there, it's a release. Like a valve letting off pressure from the system."

 _Kodama and I…earlier, we spent a few moments…._ He refused to be more explicit. _This isn't going to go away, is it?_

"You will forgive Us for intervening," a new voice drew his attention behind his head, "but We believe it's past time that We took a more active hand in tending to Our love." Ireul, standing in a regal ballroom gown that showed a generous amount of shoulder, motioned away Lilith, "Explain to His Lilin wives what We do. Move Him to His bed."

 _Iri,_ he stopped when she touched his lips gently with her fingertip.

"We are displeased with You, Your Grace. You know We live to serve." Pushing on his mind with her will, she sent him towards unconsciousness, and a conversation that was a long time in coming.

+++++ 14th Angel + 29: Wednesday (118)

Having snuck Shinji into his room before allowing time to resume its normal pace, and setting Eve towards making the rest of the dinner, Lilith walked out into the slightly emptier family area with her hands out at her shoulders, motioning for peace, "He's resting. Right now, Ireul is having a talk with him in his soul." Gesturing slightly towards Asuka, she continued seeking calm, "It's nothing that one did. In truth, it's more or less entirely his fault."

Hikari, who was standing between the television and the table helping Maya referee the debate, looked over to the pale beauty with a raised eyebrow, "Did I not just ask you to use the front door?"

Asuka stood from where she was seated, and went to move towards Shinji's bedroom door, "What did she do?"

Lilith easily blocked her from proceeding, "Ireul asked him to fall asleep, he's fine."

"Not whoever that is," she flung her arm back towards the kitchen, "the fetid cunt that lives in my head."

"Helped him understand the costs of bonding you, and furthered the problem I'd assume he's discussing with his preferred Aspect." Making it very clear that she would not be moved, the Night Mother calmly gestured back to the couch, "You are as much a part of his problem as any, child. Perhaps it is best that you sit and listen, instead of acting without foreknowledge."

"That's Shinji's job," Misato sighed. Noting that her pilot wasn't moving from where she stood, the sub-commander made an appearance, "Asuka, sit down. Don't make me order you." Unfazed by the glare she received, she pointed to the couch, "Last warning."

The angry fireball stalked back to her seat, "If he's hurt, I'm blaming you."

"He's fine," Maya moved over to support her friend, rubbing her shoulder and earning a grumbled curse. "Lily wants any number of things, but his death isn't one of them. If she's here, it's because Shinji needed her." There was a layer of steel beneath her next word, "Right?"

"He called me," Lilly nodded. "He was feeling the same compulsion for Eve that he does for me…for any of you."

Yang narrowed her eyes, "Compulsion? That's not a great word to use, ma'am."

"He…he feels compelled to sleep with us?" Tsuru frowned, hurt, "He _has_ to?"

"It's more that he wants to, very badly, but won't," Ritsuko tried repackaging the term. With her experience in the matter, she was better positioned to understand the nuances, "In his mind, every time he looks at one of us, there is the idea that he could ask us to join him in a bedroom, bathroom, swimming pool, kitchen, laundry area, rooftop, or right out in front of Nozomi and everyone, and show us exactly how beautiful he thinks we are in as raw and physical a way as he can manage. He, unlike most of us, has a superhuman amount of self-control about the whole matter. Because we," she gestured between the seafoam-eyed beauty and herself, "would most likely respond 'Oh, wherever's fine, dear', and proceed to enjoy ourselves tremendously."

"Which is nothing to be ashamed of," Hikari asserted. "I'm not ashamed to admit that I've wanted to be intimate with him since the day we met. If he took me into our bedroom every other half hour, I'd be perfectly fine with that. He, on the other hand, would likely implode with shame. That's why we're trying to build this new normal for him," she looked to Suzuka for support.

"Not all of us have the…drive that the others do," the swordswoman responded with a hint of a smile. "But, the removal of his preconceived notions regarding women, and the nonsensical notion that we're all pristine flowers instead of every bit as amorous as he is, has not gone as well as we might like. There were almost immediate setbacks, and today only one of us has managed to do her part," she, in turn, gestured to Kodama.

"Give me the go ahead, and none of you will see him again," the busty nurse shrugged. "I am abiding by our group's agreements. Once a day, unless others have had their chance. I _know_ I can turn his gears like I need to."

"The short answer is 'no', Tsuru-chan," Misato's maternal instincts caused her to glare at the others, while patting Ritsuko for trying to help. "The long answer is 'it's complicated'. He has to have us with him, if we're going to believe that she's speaking the truth about Creation," she gestured to Lilith. "But, to be honest, he _wants_ to have us with him. I'm something of an expert in the looks men give women they're interested in, and I know the only reason he hasn't slipped out of sight with you is because he thinks his wives would hate him if he did."

"It's also because he thinks she could do much better," Yang added. "If we're going to move ahead with the plan, Tsuru-chan, I think you're going to have to just be direct. After what happened with Lin, I promised myself I'd wait until I was married. You, on the other hand, don't have that handicap. Everyone here has said they're fine with things, so you should move ahead with it, if you want."

Asuka pinched the bridge of her nose, squeezing her eyes shut, "Anyone else remember the 'rent-a-dick' conversation? Because I remember the 'rent-a-dick' conversation. It was a good conversation. It's one where I was right, which automatically makes it a good conversation."

"I seem to remember someone asking to join the lease," Kodama glowered at the irritant. "You can leave any time you want, you know. Nobody's forcing you to stay here, and you're not bonded to him yet."

"Because he wants me to be by his side, I'm staying. That doesn't mean that I'm automatically on board with whatever the other women he's forced to keep around want to do with him." Flipping her hair behind her shoulder, she smirked contemptuously, "The only thing that stopped him from setting me on the counter and breaking in the kitchen was _your permission_. He's abdicated his own free will to a group of women who haven't reciprocated the favor. He's _your_ puppet, because you signed a piece of paper."

"Swallow it," Maya pointed at the woman she was still quite interested in, while gripping Asuka's shoulder harder. "It's not helpful, and we're going to stop sniping at each other."

Hikari moved to back her wife's play, "You've been quiet, Kelly. What's your opinion?"

The newly recovered former naval officer smiled wanly, "I'm torn, it's why I've not said much. I agree with Pilot Soryu's intent, in that making Shinji's decisions for him isn't what a good wife, girlfriend, or lover should do. The problem is, I agree that his holding himself back on your account is self-destructive and ultimately dangerous. Especially if, like it has at least twice today, it pushes him towards these fugues."

"Will you be waiting a time, then?" Suzuka knew that the Irishwoman was helping push Asuka's idea forward without the baggage of cynicism and contempt, "I have no doubt that should you ask, he would eagerly take a more intimate shower with you."

"I had planned on finding a good time, perhaps after he and I had worked together on a project, or gone on a fun date." Her smile was self-deprecating, "I admit, feeling what all of you must feel when Kodama was working him over…I'm surprised you're all able to show such restraint. I nearly pulled him into the kitchen myself."

"It gets better, after a time or two," Ritsuko laughed wryly. "There's something about having had sex with him that inoculates against the effect, as well. The urge to knock on her door and ask if she'd mind some help wasn't quite as overpowering."

"I don't intend to wait an eternity," Kelly nodded. "But just because I have forever by his side, doesn't mean I want to wait a century before enjoying his touch."

"None of us are forcing the issue, Asuka," Maya sat on the edge of the couch next to the still angry pilot. "We're also not going to hide from the truth. He _is_ a part of all of us. We _do_ all feel it when he's with another of us. And we're all terrified of what it would feel like if he was with someone _other_ than a woman in this house. We're all making peace with our lives. Just like you'll have to, if you truly want to join us."

Lilith had walked around to hug Hikari from behind, resting her chin on the shorter woman's shoulder, "I'm sorry…for not using the front door. He called, and it seemed far too important to delay. I was worried that he was being harmed by someone…."

Resting her head against Lily's, she whispered, "What do we need to do to fix this?"

"He needs to stop feeling like he's abusing you, and I know well enough that it's not you making him feel that way," she snarled. "I'm trying not to speak during your debates, because I know you have little to no reason to trust me. Anything I say can be taken to mean something different. I'm trapped, just as much as all of you, and I hate it. Because if I ask him to bed me now, you will all think it's because I'm trying to outdo you."

+++++ 14th Angel + 29: Wednesday (118)

Ireul landed with Shinji atop her bed, alone in his soul save for Adam, who lingered very, very far away from the woman that would murder him should he interrupt anything again. The one-eyed Aspect could sense her lover's relief, the physical torments not transferring to the spiritual realm, and so she chose to sit on his stomach and frown instead of pursuing her ultimate destination just yet, "You are an idiot."

"I love you too," intending to sit up, he instead laid back when she poked him in the chest with her finger. "Thank you for fixing it. My emotions seem to be…calmer, here."

"Which part of idiot confused you?" She tilted her head to the side, her hair draping over the eye that never was, "I didn't fix anything. I brought you here to try and explain to you why _you_ are breaking things. If I could fix you, I would have a long time ago. I can't, because _you_ won't let me."

Confusion grew on his features, "I…don't understand. So long as it doesn't hurt anyone else, you know I'm not going to stop you from doing what you want."

"And yet, you won't shut up and fuck me," she jabbed him again with her finger. "You refuse to take any of the eager, and exceptionally willing, Lilin to bed without a fight. You won't touch Lilith, not that I'm actually that upset about that one…anyway," she recovered, "you won't bed me, or Leliel, or Israfel, or Bardiel, or Shamshel-"

Shinji couldn't keep up with the flow, not mentally prepared for Ireul's anger, "Wait, Shamshel?"

"You think just because they're not overt about things that they aren't attracted to you? You're dumber than I thought." Pushing him back down into the bed, she scowled, "You're staying put until we reach an understanding. You are risking our daughter's safety, you dolt! Sahaquiel needs you to be stable, safe, and happy. Stability and happiness are well within your reach, and you refuse to stretch even a little beyond your self-prescribed box towards it! Your ladies give you an evening of love, and you turn around the next morning and lose your mind over it! Explain to me how I'm supposed to tell her that you mean it when you say you love her, when you also say you'll embrace the women by your side and then castigate yourself every chance you get instead of just doing what, or who, you should be doing?"

He tried to respond, "I-I don't-"

"Yes you do! Your guardians told you, expressly, exactly what I'm telling you right now. You even came so painfully close to embracing that truth, only to let it all drip out of your ears the next morning!" Her pushes became shoves, "All morning, each of your wives made offers. Your girlfriends made offers. Even some of those women in the Honor Guard, especially that Major you like so well, made offers. Nothing. Not one attempt was made to show you had learned. Are you so lazy? Must every woman be exactly like The Healer and schedule time? How _romantic_ that will be. 'Excuse me dear'," she sing-songed, "'I do believe I would enjoy a bit of a pumping. Might we fit it in in a few hours?' Is that my future? Is that what I have to look forward to?"

"I-I'm not-"

"You're right! You're _not._ Only, and follow me carefully here, _you are_. You're being my father, you dumbass!" Glaring face to face with him, she ground out the truth, "You are making the same mistakes, only in a different flavor. He tried to micromanage everything, he told us exactly what we would do, and when we would do it. You? You're just telling us what we _won't_ do. We _won't_ touch the Royal Penis without your permission, which you won't give because it would dirty us somehow in a way that only you are able to see with your super special Royal Eyesight. We _won't_ love you, because it would cheapen us to be willing to share a normally wonderful man among ourselves. We _won't_ proudly declare ourselves taken, because we _must_ be proud, independent, women who don't need anyone we choose and so apparently we _won't_ have anyone at all."

"I-I just-"

"You just what? Want what's best for us? Want us to be happy? Have you considered that maybe what's best for us is what _we_ decide we want? Hmm? _We_ have chosen to be with you. _We_ have chosen to share you. _We_ adore the fact that you look at any of us and think to yourself, 'Sweet mother of all, that woman is shaped like sex incarnate. I have no idea how they even remotely think I'm attractive, but I would bury myself in her so hard that surgical intervention may be required to extract me.' We love that you find us sexy, you…you raging imbecile! You aren't objectifying us, you're infantilizing us by not letting us embrace the fact that you think we're all goddesses!"

No words could follow what she'd given him. His counterarguments had all been disassembled before he could even field them, and he was left with the same truth he'd realized in the car with Mikoto on his lap. He was surrounded by women who, for reasons he did not fathom, weren't worried that he might be sleeping with 'another' woman. In his desperate effort to control something, anything, of his life…he'd taken to controlling theirs. It wasn't, and hadn't, been just Mikoto, or just Ireul. Suzuka, even Maya, had told him similar stories. Through it all, however, he'd continued. Until he was here, because his fear at losing control over something he had no right to attempt control over was being threatened. "I-I'm…sorry."

"Don't be sorry," her anger faded, "be inside of me." Leaning forward, she kissed him. Soft at first, then with a growing need, she begged him to show her that he would internalize the lesson. She had, as he well knew, wanted his touch for a very, very long time. The oddity of his soul causing the passage of days to take mere seconds in the world outside of his skin meant that her longing had encompassed far longer than any of the women in his Manor had known.

Reaching behind her to undo the clasps of her dress, he purposefully shoved away the spike of concern. He'd been given the go ahead by Hikari and Maya for months. He'd known the woman that was Ireul for longer than any of the women that lived in his home when the flows of time were considered. As he carefully released the last catch, she sat up and made to pull it over her head, "N-no," he gripped her arms quickly. "I-I…." Instead, lowering it so that it pooled around her waist, he recalled the mental images of Hikari that they'd never managed to fulfill, "I'd like to…to not be able to see the wonderful feelings, at first."

With her deep blue skin glowing in the pale light, her breasts rising and falling with slow, even breaths, the Aspect of Terror nodded once, before taking his hands and placing them atop her mounds, "Let me show you something beautiful, my dearest love. We have all the time in the world to discover what we prefer." Willing away his clothes entirely, she worked herself against him, his length pinned between them, "If you delight in the artfully hidden…I know ways to work within those confines."

How, with her hands still on his, she managed to slip him within her silken depths was beyond him, the sudden warmth and pressure bringing a pleasant tingle to his spine and a look of sublime rapture to her lone eye. They had, without his seeing it occur, finally passed the last boundary…and it was magical. Her body danced and swayed, using his grasp on her as both leverage and advantage. Every time he thought to find ways to touch her elsewhere, she chidingly returned his hands where they were, eventually lashing his wrists together with a length of cloth that she created out of thin air. "I…wanted to…."

"We each get one wish, at first," she purred, her motions increasing in tempo. "You wished to feel everything, and see nothing. I wish for you to play with the one part of my body you feel most forbidden. Glory in them, my love…they are mine, they are yours. Are they not pleasantly shaped? Have I not kept my skin soft, and firm? Tell me true, am I beautiful in your eyes?"

"You're gorgeous," he had spent lifetimes with variations of her. Lives where she looked similar to many of the women he knew, or even like women he'd only met in that life in particular. This Ireul, this Aspect, had achieved through happenstance what none of the others had. Missing the eye, and ear, the smooth flesh seamless and without flaw, gave her a uniqueness that the others had lacked. She wasn't 'Rei, but different', she was herself. She was beautiful. She was _his_. Curling his left hand into a fist, he lifted both up and ran the fingers of his right hand along what others might consider ugly, "You're perfect, just as you are."

Ducking herself between his arms, forcing him to hold her tight as she clenched around him tighter, she let her kisses speak for her emotions. He felt her fingers tangling in his hair, begging for him to give everything to her. With his hands still bound, he couldn't do more than hug her to him, and that lack of control soon tripped in his mind as intentional. He had failed to grasp any number of subtle lessons, even the more explicit ones had quickly led to a reversion to mean. She now had as much time as she wished to take, more or less, and was wasting none of it in reminding him that he _would_ learn.

Sitting back upright, she gripped his forearms and pulled him up with her. Pushing against his arms, bunching her dress between them, she stuck her tongue out slightly in a blatant tease, "You are all Ours now, _Great One_." Her breathy alto stroked the darker parts of his mind, "You have done well to resist Our charms…but no longer will You withhold what We are owed."

Recognizing the change in play, he affected a faux-defiant frown, "I will resist you, Temptress!" The clench of her knees against his sides nearly put the lie to any hopes of resistance, and his stuttered fragments of a sentence aptly demonstrated her natural gifts, "I-I…will r-r-resist…."

"You will fall," she laughed imperiously as she flexed her thighs, tightening the noose around his waist. "The Mighty Shinji Ikari, brought low by nothing more…," her voice softened as her entire body clenched, "…th-than love." A moaning song issued forth from her lips as the inevitable followed their acts, her fingers spasming on his arms, his toes clenched tight as he struggled to see anything but a dark glowing ball of heat. Bucking three more times, she shivered before falling limply forward against him, "T-tear…tear it off…. I w-want all of us…touching."

Snapping the bonds she'd wrapped around his wrists, then bunching her dress in his hands, he followed her instructions without hesitation. She'd given him something wonderful, he'd give her anything she asked for. Rolling them sideways to pin her against the bed, he huddled protectively over and against her, "I'm…sorry."

She sighed, a hint of irritation in her words, "For making me happy?"

"For making you wait so long." She'd given him more than her body, she'd given him an answer to several of his dilemmas, one he'd been so close to realizing on his own but hadn't the perspective to see, "Did they feel us do this?"

"Unlikely," her tone was much happier, pleased that he wasn't apologizing for anything stupid. "To them, this happened in less than a fraction of a second. Why?"

"Because…I think I have some ideas on how to fix a few things." Hefting himself up so that he loomed over her, he indulged in another fantasy, "And since nobody knows what we're doing…why stop doing it?"

+++++ Author's Notes:

TripleF:

RE: Suzuka's pregnancy.

Ritsuko mentioned as she verified the pregnancy and congratulated Suzuka that she didn't quite understand how, but wasn't surprised that Shinji had managed it. The biological differences of immortals isn't something she's able to science out in a day, and she has a number of other projects that focus more on saving the world. The rest will come when she's not burdened with that, probably.

RE: Suzuka's origin.

Actually, she's from an anime called "Outlaw Star". Neat story, well told. Worth a watch, if you can find a version that's not bowdlerized all to hell. Though, Saeko would have made an interesting younger addition, in lieu of Suzuka.


	123. Chapter 123

+++++ 14th Angel + 29: Wednesday (118)

With everyone around the dinner table, save the lone male in the house, the evening meal was a much more quiet affair. Once more the man they all loved was unconscious, though this time with the hope that someone might help correct whatever errors were present. A solid effort was made to warm up to Nozomi and Sakura's attempts at dinner conversation, though the two ladies were mostly too tired after a day full of bringing joy to do anything large enough to overcome the gloom. Food was consumed slowly, few words exchanged, and as the door opened to the 'master' bedroom, the first spark of life struck the table, only to be left confused when he asked something unexpected.

In a voice that was both bright and full of hope, he called across the room, "Hikari, can I borrow you for a moment?"

"Of course, my love," blinking in confusion, she set down her utensils and excused herself from the table. Approaching the bedroom she considered her own, she barely reached the door before he scooped her up and carried her inside, "Oh my!" As he laid her on the bed, a great number of thoughts collided at once, "Shinji?"

"Shh, sleep," laying down next to her, he pushed them both into his soul.

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Those women left behind had only a few moments to ponder what was happening, as none of them could feel anything…atypical. Misato, never one for prolonged silence, leaned over and asked her longest tenured friend, "Did he sound…happier?"

The former blonde nodded, "He was definitely-"

The door to the master bedroom popped open, five minutes after it had closed, and it was Hikari's voice this time which was nearly giddy, "Maya-bear, could we borrow you for a moment?"

The table began to buzz with excited energy at the seemingly positive trend. Shinji might have just been happy to recover, but if Hikari was showing such glee things couldn't be bad. Watching as the second woman was called into the bedroom, many of the women spoke to those nearby of possible answers to the obvious questions.

Asuka, sitting as far from Eve as she could, held her frown in place. She had stayed, unwilling to leave until she'd spoken to him again to explain how idiotic it was that she needed permission from women she'd likely never hug, let alone 'enjoy the company of'. The more she observed of the room, and the dynamics within it, the more she became convinced that Shinji needed to be saved from the insanity he lived. All of these…fakes, sitting there mirroring each other's emotions. _It's no wonder he's been so stressed. He sees the women he loves becoming…a hive._

 _He sees the women he loves adapting to a challenging situation, Child,_ Lilith responded without looking over, her eyes remaining on the door to the master bedroom. _It is not the women's fault that he's been stressed. They have done everything they can, short of tying him to a chair, to help alleviate his problems. The man we love, the man we will always love, takes most of the blame for his own condition._

 _Because it's his fault that they're all passive? When you see someone drowning, you don't stand on the shore and send them warm thoughts and prayers._ Glowering at the near-perfect depiction of a young woman she had come to respect before her untimely death, the redheaded pilot crossed her arms, _You jump in and help._

 _That analogy only works if you can swim,_ Eve added, smirking at the woman whose head she lived within. _None of her children can perform the tasks necessary to help him, which is why it took someone like_ my _child to address the issue. That dear Ireul waited as long as she did to push him down and take what she deserved is both a condemnation of him and worthy of praise for her._

Lily turned to stare hard at the would-be usurper, speaking without words that the situation had deteriorated owing to her and her kind just as much as the Lilin present. Her point made when Eve turned her eyes back to her plate, she returned to her observation of the room, _You sit at a table with a group of accomplished, capable, and loving women. Among them include far more letters than you could hope to attain, better skills in combat, in diplomacy, in the arts, knowledge of farm life, city life, and in between. Each and every one more than able to find whatever partner they should desire. That they, instead, choose to work together to better your species by guiding and loving_ him _is their choice. He will know, swiftly, who is responsible for the loss of unity should you attempt to scuttle things selfishly. You will learn, even more swiftly, that while his love may be infinite…his patience for those who seek to harm those he loves is not._

All conversation stopped dead as the door was noticed to be opened, Hikari's smile even larger as she beckoned to the next woman to be brought into the 'secret', "Ritsuko-sensei, could we borrow you for a couple minutes?"

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"This is…beyond description," the former blonde turned around in place, considering the varying weather patterns, colorations, lighting conditions, everything that made up the dome beneath which the Aspects sheltered. "I'm standing in your soul. There's…clouds, in combinations and variations that couldn't possibly coexist. A sky divided into wedges like a pie. I can't even see the ground I'm standing on, but I know it's there. There's physics, acoustics, but I can see you're not breathing. Does entropy exist here? Do the laws of thermodynamics hold true? Gravity? Electromagnetism? Are they dependent, or just a result of your human expectations?"

With her arms twisted behind her, toying with her husband as he held her loosely against him, Maya giggled, "We're standing here naked, and you're worrying about the weather?"

Hikari slid under Ritsuko's arm, affecting a cute sulking pout, "We were hoping that you would be interested in sharing with us. But all you're doing is studying."

"This is who she is, leave her be," Shinji's rumble held a touch of amused fondness. "Ask the question, so that I can answer hers."

His younger wife stuck her tongue out playfully at him, before running her fingers along the elder scientist's toned stomach, "Did you feel anything, while we were in the bedroom, like you normally would while he was sharing with one of us?"

"No," shrugging her free shoulder out of her overshirt, she gestured between everyone. "I'm assuming you three had a bit of a quickie? I'm game, don't always need to have long and lingering sex. In return, though, I want answers as to the nature of this place. It's cliché, but your soul is absolutely fascinating, Shinji."

Helping the scientist strip down, Hikari continued toying with her perceptions, "Actually, we spent a day and a bit, just he and I. Then I wanted Maya to join us, because I love her to distraction." Slipping her hands beneath her undershirt, she worked on her bra, "Then I asked for you, because you three shared and didn't include me." With Ritsuko's bounty freed, she reached further around and gripped lightly, her voice becoming a breathy purr, "I was attracted to you too, you know?"

Switching from scientist to woman, the former bottle blonde reached back and ran her fingers along Hikari's hips, "Oh, that feeling's mutual dear." Taking a deep breath, she relaxed into her new role, "One day, I want to see how you look with cat ears."

Shinji kept his calm firmly in place, though between Maya's manipulations of his person and the rapidly progressing scene before him, his calm was receiving significant challenges for control over his mind and body. "Time flows differently here, Rits. It's fluid, though. The…uhm, the 'rules' s-such as we c-c-can c-call them…Maya," he had to step back, his wife's touch growing ever more distracting, "I'm trying to explain."

Turning with wide-eyed innocence, she held her hands out to her sides, "But Pup…she said she's fine with a quickie. I was just…preparing things."

Her fingers dancing in matching circles along different spaces of her 'captive', Hikari picked up where her spouses had become distracted, "Time is not uniform here. Some hours here could be microseconds back home, some could be seconds, some could be minutes. To our knowledge, it's not relative to perception, or even to events occurring. It just _is_."

"So you three have had anywhere from hours to days of time with one another," sucking in a quick breath as her tormentor's fingers found their mark, Ritsuko fought against a victorious grin, "while we were wondering what was happening, and worried?" Clicking her tongue, she tilted her head back to kiss Hikari lingeringly, _Naughty, naughty children._ _You found a way to not trip everyone's libido at once, and you took days to share that fact? Shameful._

"I…was embarrassed," Shinji approached Maya quickly, scooping her up and carrying her over to where he'd summoned a bed. Gently depositing his wife on the mattress, he coaxed the other two women to lie down as well, "Everyone knowing what I was doing? Knowing that I _wasn't_ doing it with them? A part of me was terrified that I'd be expected to just continuously go from woman to woman to woman. Another part of me was horrified that I'd probably enjoy it. All throughout," he sat down slightly apart from the three differing beauties before him, "I was…not being a good husband. I was controlling what you did, and denying what you wanted to do thinking that I knew better than you what that was. My intentions may have been 'good', based on _my_ morality…but my actions were no better than some of the people I've argued with over what they themselves have done."

Now enjoying the affections of two women she'd held a torch for, the stunning scientist smiled sadly at Shinji, "It's a hard lesson to learn, isn't it? To let go of what you hear society blather on about. To accept that physical pleasure is…oh, oh wow," arching her back slightly as Maya and Hikari worked together, she fought for control over her own words, "is not…bad…."

"I'm still running away, kind of," glad that he wasn't being actively ministered to and could finish spelling out his thoughts, he pressed on and let the women he loved love one another. "While we're in here, nobody can sense what we're doing. A 'quickie' like you said, could be started and over during the time it took for an elevator to go up one floor back on base. With the right amount of practice, I can…I can give affection to all of you, without drawing everyone else's attention. Especially Kodama," he sighed, "she…really needs a lot of affection."

Hooking him with her foot, Hikari tugged him up into the gathering of lovers. There'd be enough time for explanations later, for now she wanted to keep exploring her husband's realization of the possible uses for his soul. That he'd taken as long as he had to come to this idea was irritating, because in her mind that was a great deal of time lost where they might have been otherwise engaged. It was criminal, and so he needed fitting punishment. As well as a reminder that it was not only her sister that needed outsized amounts of physical love.

+++++ 14th Angel + 29: Wednesday (118)

"It's not a perfect solution," Misato's lips quirked off to the side. The gathering back at the couch now consisted of everyone, minus Hikari and Maya who were reading a bedtime story to Team Rainbow. Ritsuko had finished reporting back the experience, and Shinji was fighting a war against blushing and trying to hide. "In that I mean it doesn't touch the base problem. I maintain that there's nothing wrong with him showing affection to everyone here. It's what we all agreed to, and over a long enough timeline we're all going to have plenty of chances to spend that time we'd like with him."

"It's progress," Ritsuko defended the idea. "It's also a far better idea than just running a train on him and forcing him to be who he's not. I agree, he'll come around to the idea as he has more data to work with, more repetitions of us not freaking out over him taking a ten second nap with Kodama. This, also, is not the death of us engaging in things in the real world…well, the physical world I should say." She looked up at him, holding his hand, "Your soul is a very real place. A place I'd like to spend a lot more time."

"I had thought we weren't going to reduce him to a penis and a pension," Asuka growled. "How does forcing him to have sex with us help him in the slightest?"

 _'Us', hmm?_ Ritsuko sent the thought to Shinji, and Shinji alone, in an effort to help him understand the complexities that were Asuka Langley Soryu, "While I would enjoy how willing he is to have sex with me as well, I was actually speaking of studying the area. It is a physical representation of a metaphysical concept which very few human beings have set foot inside. To my knowledge, other than myself, Hikari, Maya, and Suzuka are the only women to have done so. Meaning no offense to the woman quite capable of murdering me seven different ways with the pillow she's holding, or the lovely young woman that has a great deal of potential, Maya is the only other woman with significant scientific training to have gone, and she, like I am, is hopelessly biased. We need to aggregate data, and the only data we can get is from those with a bias. Hopefully we can mitigate that bias by having more points of comparison and…." She felt Shinji squeeze her hand, "Right, rambling. This isn't just about sex, it's about finding what's possible."

"Discretion," Nicolette leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees. "With how private a person he is, it only makes sense that he'd prefer that."

 _I'd…prefer that our first time be out here,_ Shinji sent the thought quietly to the blonde agent. _It's…uhm, it's kind of me forcing myself to extend my comfort zone, I guess. I'm sorry for not speaking out loud, but…._

"So how does she fit into the household," the smallest of the agents gestured towards the lone female pilot. "Let's lay the facts of the matter out, have an honest discussion here. She's antagonistic to the idea of sharing him, she's quick to find the worst in anyone _but_ him."

"She's young," Kelly answered with a shrug. "Give her time, and support, and she'll find her footing. I wasn't the woman I am now when I was her age, either. Spent a lot of time getting in fights railing against the injustices of the world, not realizing that I was doing little more than ostracizing myself because very few people wanted to put in the needed effort to fix those problems."

"I have a Doctorate," the subject of their discussion growled.

"So do I," Mikoto shrugged. "That and a four hundred Yen will get you a beer most places."

Shinji blinked, _You have a doctorate?_

 _International Relations, with a focus in International Security Policy,_ she winked at him. _I get bored easily, Shin-tan. You know that._ "Education is no replacement for experience. It supplements your experiences by enabling you to see more, but it can never supplant what you must live through yourself."

"Well what about her," Asuka pointed to Lilith, uncomfortable with suddenly being dissected by a group of women she inwardly admitted was exceptionally talented, "wasn't the whole point of this little plan of yours specifically because you were worried she would sway him away from you?"

"We still are," Suzuka eyed the physically perfect being. "Trust is hard-earned, child. It is also easily lost."

Sitting on the floor by Shinji, the Second Angel had rested her head on his knee for most of the discussion. She was sated, to a degree, by his having given in to the women in his soul. His lusts not the bonfires she desired, but better than the embers they had been, "I have had uncounted years to develop habits, Your Grace. That is not to make an excuse, simply to provide an explanation. I promise I will do a better job of informing you as to why I do things, as appropriate. You yourself would not tell me everything, so I would not expect different of me." Lifting her head slightly, so that her chin set on his quad, she eyed the other odd being out, "It's her you should be worried about more."

Eve had chosen to float behind Asuka, sitting on a cushion of air, "Me?" A far-too perfect laugh followed, "I will be of no more concern than any of his other Aspects. A bit of his time, now and again, as he gifts me with what I will then amplify and share with all of creation. Nothing more."

"Which is ultimately why this conversation needs to be focused on expectations," Misato cut in. "If Asuka is required by 'Creation', as you call it, then not including her could end up with us down an Eva pilot. She might not be as effective as he is, but she's been instrumental in several victories. It's better that we have her around, and so long as she's willing and will follow the rules," her eyes locked on her subordinate's, holding them for a three count to emphasize her point, "everything else is going to be an exercise in small group dynamics."

"You call this small?" Asuka barked out a laugh, "Not counting die kleinen puppen, there are _fourteen women_ tied to his soul. This is an undersized platoon, and all of you are competing for the prize."

"One, 'us', not 'you'. You're expecting to be a part of this too," Akane had continued to not be impressed. "Two, I'm not competing for anything. I can state, with unrivaled certainty, that he loves me beyond hope. I have, and have had, his love. You are looking at this as if there will be 'winners' or 'losers', which continues to show the immaturity Lieutenant Commander Chambers was talking about. You also keep showing the impatience that has landed your ass in a sling more than once. We've given you a chance to show that the crazy was all focused on that crystal in your head, and you've pulled your head out of your ass to a point. Don't fuck the landing."

"It might help," Tsuru asserted quietly, before Asuka could retort, "if she were to be willing to spend some time getting to know us, right?" She felt much the same as the senior agent present, in that the redheaded foreigner was phenomenally grating, but she also knew that Shinji loved the odd woman. Looking to the irritatingly aggressive applicant, she shrugged, "We're about the same age, you, Yang, Hikari, and I. There has to be at least one thing the four of us have in common, to build upon?"

 _I love you, nothing she says will change that,_ Shinji sent the thought quickly to the farmgirl. He knew the response that was about to happen, and wanted to buffer it with praise from him for the attempt.

"The only things we have in common are gender and him," Asuka snorted. "None of you pilot. None of you have gone to college. Keiner von euch spricht deutsch. What exactly do you think I am going to do? Paint my nails and giggle? The lot of you have subordinated your sense of self to this mockery of good order, don't expect me to jump off the cliff too. I am Asuka Langley Soryu, and I have not fought this hard to become just another brain-dead, sycophantic-"

"Let me show you to the spare bedroom," he stood up, stomping on the rising tide of resentment he felt from every other woman present, including Eve. "I think this evening has been a good start. We've all laid out our positions. Maybe tomorrow will bring cooler heads, and new ideas."

"Good call," Misato stood too, backing him up. "Rits, mind helping me with the dishes?" When he offered to walk the redhead to the room he intended for her, she added for the general audience, _Let her vent, Shinji. We'll all talk amongst ourselves, she needs to feel supported too._

 _She's a bitch,_ Yang sighed. _I hate to say it, but if I had a vote it would be against adding her. She's volatile, and while we have a great chemistry going, I don't know that it's enough to absorb that much narcissistic self-absorption._

 _There's a lot of background you don't have,_ Maya's voice added from Nozomi and Sakura's room. _Not to excuse her, because I fully agree that she can be a bitch, but she's not who she purports herself to be._

+++++ 14th Angel + 29: Wednesday (118)

Sliding the door shut, Shinji let his head rest against the solid surface for a moment, "That…could have gone better."

"What do you want me to say?" Pacing back and forth behind him, anger and pain warred against humiliation and disappointment. She knew that she had sabotaged herself again, just as she knew that he would never bring it up. "I'm not lying. They're all so eager to get along that they're painting their damn nails matching color combinations like they're forming a cult! You are the only thing keeping any three of them in the same social circle, and yet I'm somehow supposed to get along with all of them? This situation is unfair to you, most of all!"

"I know," he turned, giving her a sad smile. "You're right, as usual."

She moved quickly to take his hands, gripping them tight, "So why aren't you fighting harder? Why are you looking for ways to do things you don't want to do, instead of ways to make it so that everyone leaves you the hell alone?!"

"Because I love them too much to let them die, just to save myself." Returning her grip, he asked with genuine seriousness, "Give me my options, Two. You're smarter than I am. You know the parameters. How can I save everyone's lives, _and_ live the life I want? How do I forget millions of lifetimes worth of memories where they are either the sole source of light in a dark world, or another misery laying atop a heap of them?"

"Do you have to let them force you into bed?" She shifted away from the uncomfortable truth to something she felt he could control, "Can't you just platonically love them?"

He shook his head, "Would you want me to never touch you, Asuka? Be honest…it's just the two of us here now. I've been physically attracted to you from the beginning, yes. But it's built beyond that. That kiss, the night before my wedding. The talk we had after we lost Rei. Holding you as Lilith and Rose tried to repair your mind. We haven't talked about them, but I know I'm not the only one to remember them. I'm not the only one that…that _needs_ here…am I?"

"So take me!" She flicked her head to move her hair behind her shoulder, "Leave all of them to just be good friends, and love me like I love you."

 _How many lives have I wanted to hear her just admit it?_ "Good friends who I felt every time they were with another man? Who knew every time I made love to you? I should ask them to never find another man to love? Or should I ask you to never touch me? I should tell them that while I share not only their emotional love, but the love that goes even deeper, that I can never touch them again? Look at me and tell me you see a man who is ever capable of that."

Her foot stomping set her hair to dancing, "But it's not fair!"

"I agree," he nodded eagerly. "It's not fair to anyone. Not to you, not to them, and not to me. Give me my options."

"…I hate it." Glaring at his stomach, her grip tightened further on his hands, "I…I hate it."

Silence filled the room as he allowed her to think through what was truly bothering her. He'd never had any luck engaging when she was like this, when all she could say is that she either liked or disliked something with such vehemence. The problem with his strategy, however, was that it risked a destructive spiral that would eventually lead to an explosion. He didn't have to cast around long for a new topic, something to chat about which was unrelated to the topic at hand, "Eleven days."

She frowned, looking up at him in momentary confusion, "What? Oh." Latching onto the date with an eyeroll, she snorted a pleased laugh and rocked their hands side to side slightly, "I shouldn't be surprised. Of course _you_ would know, and remember."

"Is this one of those lives where it's a week-long celebration of the greatest gift humanity has ever received," he could feel his love for her grow by the second. The woman before him was actually playing with him, being a human teenager instead of a ball of wrath or an adult before her years, made immeasurably happy by something as simple as him remembering her birthday, "Or is this one of those lives where it's better that I make certain all of the calendars are hidden until a week before Yuletide? Surprise cake, or terrorist threats on German cities until you find the right one housing _your_ particular idiot family member?" He was suddenly grateful for her looking away with a happy grin, _I am an idiot. Ritsuko, I am so sorry that I missed your birthday two days ago. I repeat, I am an idiot. Big, stupid, idiot with a dumb brain that forgets things._ A hundred lifetimes where her birthday was nearly sacrosanct came flooding through his mind, _I'm really sorry._

There was a layer of amusement coloring the surprise the former blonde's voice displayed when she responded, _I'd say you've more than made up for it. Between the sex with someone who actually loves me, the house with a covered pool, and immortality, I think I can let a few things slide. It wasn't exactly an uneventful day for us, and you weren't in a good place emotionally. I remember you jumping off a building, and then fighting in a forest. We're not exactly in 'good times'. Thirty two isn't anything special, and considering I'll eventually reach thirty two thousand, we'll call it a wash. If you're really bothered, how about you give me…say five minutes real world in your soul, show me how the physics work? Drop objects, sound transference, things like that. Get a baseline for future experimentation._

 _Sold._ Refocusing on Asuka as she looked back at him with a look of cautious concern, he shrugged and for once managed to lie about what he was thinking to the woman who seemed to be able to read his mind without any connection whatsoever, "I'm nervous. I'm not good at making jokes."

"No, no," she tugged him over to sit down on the Western style bed. "It was a good joke. I'm just…it's the first time anyone other than my stepmother actually really cared about my birthday. I guess I just zoned out trying to think of what I really want." Placing herself where her knees were bumped against his, she bounced in a small dance, "If we can…I'd like to actually just have a date. You, me…nobody else." Her eyes showed she was asking for the moon, in her opinion, "I know it's-"

"So long as we're not under attack, I'll do what I can to arrange for it." He wanted to make everyone's birthday something special for them. June the sixth, in his opinion, was only good for keeping June the fifth from overtaking June the seventh and bloodily murdering it for control over the first week of June. Birthdays for others, though, would be a chance to show them they mattered, "I intend to do the same for all of the people who matter most." The hopeful grin she was having a hard time containing didn't dim at the implications that she wasn't the only one to matter, "Would you rather buy a present with me there, or should I go hunting for something myself?"

"We'll go shopping together. Alone. No guards, no one." Her eyes were intently focused, "You can keep me safer than they ever could, and I want to be the only woman you're thinking of that whole day." Running her thumb idly over his hands, she looked down, "I hate it, Shinji. These…these damn rules. I don't want to die, but I don't want to add to your…you are carrying way too much. I can't help you carry that, not and pretend that I like them. Because I don't! They're…they're…. If I relax, if I let people in, they're going to hurt me. They're going to…to…."

When the first tear rolled down her cheek, Shinji carefully disengaged his hands to pull her over onto his knee. Holding her tight, he rocked slowly back and forth, whispering calming words. This wasn't the Asuka from the world he came from. This wasn't the Asuka that locked him in a cage, or lived with him and Sakura, or developed the technology that enabled mankind to see the stars, but couldn't figure out how to unlock her own cellphone. Of all of the Asuka Langley Soryu he knew, this young, scared, woman was the first that he felt he might be able to unreservedly love. He just had to figure out how to teach her how to love herself. _…Irony._

+++++ 14th Angel + 29: Wednesday (118)

"She's asleep," he announced, stepping out to a much smaller audience. Sitting at the couch was Lilith, Eve, Hikari, Misato, Maya, Suzuka, Yang, and Nicolette. "I'm sorry about using Shamshel, I know it would help to talk to her more, but…."

"But she's suffering, and that's not something we tolerate in this household. We act, when and where we can, to alleviate pain," Hikari announced, clearly setting the ground rules for any conversation that followed. As he chose to sit next to her, she took his hand and leaned against his shoulder, "You did nothing wrong, my love. To be honest, I doubt she could have added much to what we're about to discuss."

"How broken is she?" Yang looked to Maya, "We can't advise him properly if we don't know the parameters."

"I'm more interested in whether this is humanitarian, or an act of love," Nicolette frowned. "I don't like her, but I don't have to like her to not want her to die. Are we positive that Creation is demanding her presence, or is she just drawn to Shinji because…well," she gestured along his body. "Realizing that I didn't exactly earn my place here, if it's just that he likes her, shouldn't we have something of a say there?"

"Which is a fair point," Hikari squeezed his hand. "It's one thing to bring in Yang, who has earned our regard, or Tsuru who has worked hard to become friends with everyone. If Asuka isn't willing to do either, and expects to stand on her proximity to you, it's going to foster resentment and discord."

"I know," he patted her wrists. "I agree."

"Thank you for being honest, Shinji," Misato's smile held sadness. She knew how hard it was for him to not defend everyone, especially those he loved, "We aren't leading with 'No', expecting it to stay the answer. We're also not leading with 'No' simply to be difficult. I had hoped, _way_ back two months ago," she laughed wryly, "that you would be happily married to Hikari, and Maya, and that would be it. Then came Suzuka, because of the ability to tether people to your soul."

"Which was both unintentional," Lilith asserted, "and fortuitous. My ability to tie people together with bonds of attraction, and to guide people into others souls, was forced into place by events beyond my control. However, for each woman he's drawn into his soul he has become not only stronger, but more whole. If I believed in a benevolent intent for the universe, I'd say that might be the point."

Eve's eyes rolled up to the ceiling, "Which conveniently overlooks the fact that you allowed the situation to exist where at least four of the women in his soul were brought there without his knowledge or consent."

"If you insist on descending into bickering," Suzuka cut over Lilith's retort, "I will ensure that there are two less vying for his time." He could feel anger roiling in his living weapon's gut, "We are gathered to discuss the present, not to relitigate a past we can neither change nor fully understand."

"Oh please do," Eve smiled winningly. "Then, I will be in his soul instead of hers. With my children, and easy access to your husband."

"Taunting my wife into a mistake will not earn you a pleasant stay," Shinji's voice was quiet, his rumble adding enough menace to be clear. "That Asuka would die with you would likely end with me permanently killing you. Aspect, Angel, or otherwise, I _know_ I am strong enough to defeat you." Holding the glare on Adam's second ex-wife for a span of heartbeats, he softened as he looked to Suzuka, "Please. Calm."

Looking down to her hands, the immortal woman simply nodded. He could sense her disquiet, and much of it started and ended with the non-humans in the room. She wasn't wrong, in his opinion, that their machinations and lack of transparency for their motivations was pushing mistrust into a situation that desperately called for the opposite. But her typical responses would end in tragedy in one case, and a fight that would likely include secondary casualties in the other.

"Now that…we are blessed with a group of women dedicated to making a household function well for everyone within it," Misato continued her thought, hoping that the byplay was done, "each component of this machine we add needs to be carefully considered. Are we aiding ourselves, becoming more perfect, or are we embellishing and risking everything."

Hikari gently quoted, "Il semble que la perfection soit atteinte non quand il n'y a plus rien à ajouter, mais quand il n'y a plus rien à retrancher."

"I would never take any of you away from the family." Shaking his head, he hooked an arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer to his body, "It doesn't matter the circumstances that brought us together, we are together now."

Yang tilted her head slightly, "For those of us who don't understand French?"

"The concept is much the same as what Misato was trying to explain," Maya sighed, frustrated at the overall situation. "Things don't become perfect by adding wildly, and adding something to a machine that already performs its job well isn't making it better. If there is nothing left to remove, without impeding the function of the machine, and the machine performs its tasks as you want it to, then the machine itself is perfect as it is. I believe my wife and Misato were trying to say that we need to assess what our machine is intended to do, before we can know with any certainty what adding Asuka will add or detract to or from."

"Which is my question to answer…isn't it?" He looked around at the assembled women, "I'm the one who can do more. Fix the world's weather systems, feed humanity with less waste, make people healthier, safer…but all of that is going to come at the cost of my desires. My preferences. I can't address the world's needs and remain a private person. Nobody would trust what I was doing, and we'd end up being harassed constantly by governments, or the media, or even just people who wanted to know why I was doing x, but not y. Why I was allowing z-problem to exist when r-solution would fix it. Why _their_ pet problem wasn't my first and only concern at the moment." Closing his eyes, he grimaced, "It's why I've been writing letters back to people. Their problems are so simple, the answers obvious. Talk. Talk to others, to each other, to themselves. They can easily compromise with each other, if they're willing to give just a little." Opening his eyes, he showed both the pain and anger within himself, "Selfishness is killing them as surely as the Angels would, and all of you wonder why I refuse to do anything just for me?"

Nicolette waved her hand slightly, "That's going to backfire on us, someday." The blonde agent looked around the room at the other ladies present, "None of us are opposed to him taking a day to himself, right?" Receiving general agreement, she pressed on, "Or, if he fancies a day with one woman in particular over another, that's fine too. So long as he's not ignoring any of us for months on end, we all intend to have our own lives, right?" Another murmur of agreement, "You've got to find your reason to keep putting one foot in front of the other," she looked to him, pleadingly, "whatever that is. If you want all of us to support you in restoring the weather, gathering data about patterns and whatnot, we can do that. If you think all of us should turn our efforts towards global peace, with more than a dozen of us I'm certain we can do some amazing investigating. If you want to spend our time trying to develop space flight, I know every woman in the house has skills that we can turn to those ends. Set aside what you think we want to hear, Shinji, and tell us what you want to see in…say five years. World peace will take generations. Spaceflight capable of reaching the stars, decades. The weather won't return to normal overnight. What is your short-term goal. The stepping stone to other things?"

He caught Misato nodding in approval, and the small smile that Maya held when someone asked a perfect question. "An end to the fighting?" He shook his head, he knew the response to that. It was something they all wanted, and essential to any goal regardless of merit. "I'd…like to see everyone graduated from college, furthering their potential." Once more, that was for other people. He could, would, and must do everything possible to see that done. Nobody doubted his motivations there. "…I want to see Sakura walk without pain. Nozomi smile happily, instead of faking it." Nicolette's point drove itself home, none of his motivations were for himself. He, in his own mind, did not exist outside of the Eva, or outside of his adjacency to the women in his household. His purpose, his entire being, was servitude. "But what's wrong with wanting to serve?"

"Nothing, so long as you exist for yourself as well," Maya assured him swiftly. "Kelly has any number of habits, Pup. The look on her face when she was using the treadmill today, running for the first time in what must have felt like forever, was euphoria. She loves pushing herself to be faster, to run further. It's small, it's simple, but it is meaningful _for her_. Twenty minutes running, and she was glowing with joy. Her goal, she told me, was to one day run the Spartathalon. She's training for it while also doing a fantastic job of helping us all. What we're wanting to know is what do you want us to help you achieve, and what are you going to do for yourself in return."

His brow knit at the odd phrasing, until he pieced together that she intended what she said. His finding a habit, a hobby, would be his gift to them. Him doing something just for himself was intended to promote his own health, something he'd neglect until it was a virulent problem throughout the home. Which, in turn, meant that it was serving them, by making their home happier. His wife was offering him a balance, "I…I don't know. Maybe…uhm, confidence?" He held out his free hand, thinking they'd misunderstand, "I-I mean, being able to speak confidently to large groups of people. Presenting my ideas, or…or even playing music."

"A solid place to begin self-improvement from," Suzuka approved, looking to the agent nearby. "Habits take longer to undo than form, and removing his penchant for self-effacing is something that will take time to bring about. A five year plan to gradually work up to speaking before international audiences fits your designs, does it not?"

Nicolette's smile was eager, "It's also something I can easily help with, actually. I've been performing my whole life, learned all sorts of tips and tricks from the ladies I competed against."

"It would be fantastic, sitting in the audience and watching everyone admire my husband," Hikari hugged him happily. "Knowing that we're the reason you're performing, and that you've come far enough to perform!"

"Confidence, then," Misato moved to keep the conversation on track. "That's not something many of us lack. Even Yang-chan fairly well brims with self-confidence. Honestly, of everyone in the house, the people who lack significant stores of it are less than a handful. Sakura-chan, Tsuru-chan, Rits, and you."

"If we add Asuka, that would mean a third of the house would be actively working on it at the same time. That's a good amount of people to support each other, understand the nature of the problem." Maya propped her chin on the back of her hand, "It could also damage seriously any efforts to make progress. What she lacks in confidence, she makes up for in bravado. She also has the patience of a falling boulder made of primed explosives."

It was difficult for Shinji to argue against that. The only other living Eva pilot remained a deeply damaged individual whose response to being challenged was bluster and intimidation. She could, and would, rise to the occasion, but one of her largest flaws was that she lacked confidence in herself. "She might calm down, once she knows she's cared for. Once she knows that we're not going to abuse her, like she has been?"

"She might also regress, because she's not the only one receiving attention," Misato cautioned. "I wasn't kidding on the ' _Rainbow_. She's a massive drama queen, because she enjoys the attention it brings. Yes, beneath all of that is a young woman who desperately needs help for an unending conga line of tragedies, but does that help need to be in this house?"

Yang, demonstrating why she was present, asked the question Shinji was thinking, "What if by not including her, Creation kills her? Do we have _any_ way of knowing, one way or the other? I'm not eager to have her join, not as she is. But I'm also not interested in having blood on my hands, and having Shinji look at me like he would when she dies horribly would kill me."

"I…I wouldn't blame you, I'd blame me," he frowned, looking to the leggy waitress with no small amount of concern. "That everyone in the house gets along is amazing, to me. The small disagreements, or the lingering irritations, are all temporary. Personality-wise, all of you are good-hearted, hard-working, women who seek out chances to help each other. It's a strong, healthy, dynamic that I admire and don't want to see harmed." Shaking his head slightly, he admitted a hard truth, "I love her. But that doesn't have to be more than friendship. That it has gone from friendship to far more with everyone else…it's all been because everyone else has approved. I don't _want_ my feelings taken into account. Because I know myself well enough to say that I'd never say 'No' to anyone. Not if it meant risking their life. I'd ruin everything, trying to…to impose _my_ morality on everyone else."

"So you want them to decide what is best for everyone," Lilith summarized suddenly. "Leaving what is best for you as only part of that equation." Turning to look at Misato, she gestured back towards him, "May I borrow him, then? I would leave you all here to debate, and discuss what I have learned of Tabris with him." Returning to Shinji, she shrugged, "You trust them, do you not?"

" _We_ do not trust _you_ ," Suzuka's hands tightened into fists, though they stayed away from the hilt of her blade. "You have other purposes than simply informing him of what he already has learned through discussions with us."

Impossibly black hair swayed as she turned back to where Suzuka sat, "Yes. I do. Though, as I am not one of his women some of those purposes remain unfulfilled. I have no doubt he will eventually give in to those purposes, however, so the point is inconsequential. He still moves towards my overarching goals, and so I will remain patient."

"I'm never too far to summon help," Shinji kissed Hikari on the top of the head before freeing his arm and standing. "I have little I can add to this conversation, and I'm always one thought away anyway." Gesturing to the front door, he smiled at the ladies of his house, "Look at it this way…I'm getting outside more often?"

+++++ 14th Angel + 29: Wednesday (118)

Using Bardiel's gift of illusion was a simple way to walk past the guards without anyone trying to tag along. The fact that the woman escorting him could naturally disappear made things even easier, as Shinji didn't have to extend Bardiel's influence to accomplish his goals. There was a pang of guilt, and something else he couldn't quite place, as he noticed Kiyomi in the distance talking to Captain Ozaki and an unidentified woman. As he was about to move on, he instead shifted course, the woman riding on his shoulder tagging along by virtue of him being her means of conveyance, _I'm going to let her know I'm leaving. She gets in enough trouble because of me. I don't need to add to it._

Lilith's chuckle had more than a little sultry undertone to it, _And, I might add, candied cherries are delicious._

Ignoring her jibe, he covered the distance between him and his…friend? Colleague? Shaking his head, he filed away the question for another time. Reaching listening distance before physical proximity, he heard the first concerning statement.

"We _just_ got rid of Lieutenant Hoshi for doing this, and instead of being where she was supposed to be, she's off banging one of my kids?!" Captain Ozaki, in something of a surprise to Shinji, had a strong hold on her temper. He hadn't felt her song's anger until he was much closer. "Not one of her own, and I honestly don't know if that's worse or not, but one of the guys that _just_ finished hearing how disappointed Ikari-sama is."

Recognizing the rank on the third woman's lapel as that of a Lieutenant Colonel, he was able to place the speaker, "That…is going to be an entertaining discussion to have back at the Regiment." The human touch the woman emoted showed why both of her subordinates were comfortable being candid, despite the disparity in rank, "I'll keep things from falling on either of you. Lieutenant Hoshi got his commission from political connections, which are now taking the fall for being stupid enough to push him where he didn't belong. As for the former commander, neither of you could have prevented a peer from making bad life decisions." She gestured to the captain, "I'll take them both back with me. I have some ladies that are looking for a place to land after graduating, top of their classes. I'll send them to you. Replacement LT, and three NCOs. You'll have to move people around, and one of the NCOs will have to deal with being low man on the ladder, but we need to shore up this corner. I don't care what it takes, the Duke Ikari cannot look unkindly on the JSSDF. His word is vital to our hopes."

A sudden fit of whimsy led to him leaning next to Kiyomi's ear and whispering quietly, "Stay calm." He felt her body tense, and stepped off to the side so that she would see him appear but the other two women could not. _Stay hidden. I'm not looking to create fireworks._ Willing Bardiel's haze away, he stood with his hands in his pockets and smiled kindly to allow Kiyomi to introduce him.

"Good evening, Your Grace," fighting, and winning, against a smile the newly-minted Major was amused enough to allow him to do what he would. "Surprise inspection?"

Captain Ozaki's head turned irregularly to look back and up before a fighter's instinct set her to backing up a step and tensing her muscles to stop from shuddering. The Lieutenant Colonel, however, climbed higher in his estimation as she simply turned calmly and considered him. A few years over forty on Earth had filed away the startle reflex, leaving instead an impressive diplomat's satin over a steel glove. The woman was irritated, but it was directed inwards, and not towards him or the women nearby.

Kiyomi continued speaking, as was her duty, "Your Grace, Lieutenant Colonel Hagiwara, the new Commanding Officer of the One-One. Lieutenant Colonel, may I introduce His Grace Shinji Ikari, The Duke of Chūbu, first of his name, Paladin of the Realm, Acting Regent and Devoted Protector of Old Hakone and its Environs."

Bowing professionally, the oldest officer present greeted him as if she were his junior, "It is an honor to meet you, Your Grace. I apologize for not announcing my presence this evening, there were some unfortunate circumstances that required I bump up my arrival time. As it was past twenty-one hundred, I did not wish to disturb 'Team Rainbow', as you call them. Their good rest is important for tomorrow's day at school."

Inclining his posture in the manner Suzuka preferred, he balanced his desire against his wife's though she wasn't present, "Please, ma'am, I'm not overly fond of strict formalities. I appreciate that you have come all this way to help Captain Ozaki and Major Honda restore their soldier's confidence in their Army. What happened with Lieutenant Hoshi was disgusting, and the good Captain's handling of the situation was as much as anyone could expect." Looking off towards where Charlie was encamped, he frowned, as if he didn't know the answer, and gave one of the three officers a hint as to what he knew, "I still have not met the Commanding Officer of Charlie Company, though. Was she… _compromised_?"

Kiyomi's eyes narrowed just a touch, the hint of a teasing 'you are an asshole' playing about them. Her response, however, was interrupted by the Lieutenant Colonel once more speaking, "I am afraid that there has been yet another," she paused, scowling as she sought a strong enough word. "Might I speak bluntly, Your Grace?"

"I encourage it." Leading by example, he gestured to the Major, "Kiyomi and," then the Captain, who he realized as he was speaking it hadn't ever given him her name, "Sachiko, have thus far remained unfailingly polite and professional. It has helped me put the residents of the Manor at ease. Part of that, however, is their willingness to call a flaw for what it is, and rein in the enthusiasms of my wives, when needed. I have a great deal to learn still, and they have proven an invaluable source of knowledge."

Her scowl faded, a sense of relief growing, "I am very pleased to see that you are comfortable enough to speak with them on a first name basis. To answer your question, yes. Charlie Company will be temporarily under the command of Lieutenant Yasui until we can spin up a replacement. It appears that inappropriate decisions were made by a number of people, and I have taken the liberty of relieving them of their duties pending a thorough investigation."

With his hands back in his pockets, Shinji let his lips bunch off to the side, "is it me?" Shaking his head slightly, he explained further, "I…exude an aura. I've noticed that my emotions tend to become other people's emotions. If I'm calm, people around me tend to be calm."

"I have, more than once, been intensely interested in another person without once acting on that interest," the professional officer's smile was telling. "Fear, joy, or the pleasant tingle of sexual attraction, none of those should impact an officer worthy of the title. We are given a position of trust, and she failed to execute. I wouldn't blame your…irregularities for her poor life choices."

"If you were to blame for all of it, Your Grace," Kiyomi added, "I am certain Her Grace would have told you as much. Good order has been maintained for all but a handful of our soldiers. Whatever it was you had in mind this evening, don't burden yourself with things you have no way of controlling."

 _She's eager for you to do something,_ Lilith mused silently. _Perhaps you should bring up certain ideas?_

Pausing and rubbing his cheek thoughtfully, Shinji cast about for what it might be that he should say, "Lieutenant Yasui has my confidence. He acquitted himself admirably while Nozomi-chan and Sakura-chan were handing out cards to his people, his genuine enthusiasm kept Sakura-chan in particular from feeling self-conscious." Snapping his fingers as he continued the thread of the morning, he gestured to the Major, "I was curious, would it be inappropriate for me to involve myself in the promotions tomorrow morning? Major Honda's, at least?"

Commander, Alpha Company's song was pleased, he'd apparently caught the right issue, "I had informed him earlier that as the ranking individual present, it would not be irregular for him to present new rank to individuals receiving promotions tomorrow. However, His Grace is unfailingly polite, save when he forgets to use my last name and rank in public."

"Nothing wrong with developing a level of friendliness, Major," the Lieutenant Colonel's voice was mildly chiding. "So long as he remembers to use it in front of the rank and file, or in more official circumstances, if he prefers to keep things informal between the three of you that is up to him." A smile that presented a touch of hopeful thinking followed when she looked to Shinji, "I would be honored to sit and observe as you promoted as many as you feel appropriate tomorrow morning. We can even move the ceremony up so that you are not late for your classes."

He nodded in gratitude, "Fantastic. Major Honda has been indispensable, and with everything falling apart lately I'd like to thank her for holding the line as fiercely as she has. None of those in her care have been harmed, and I can't think of higher praise than that. If I manage to finish thinking through and planning out my idea to request a permanent JSSDF detachment, she and Captain Ozaki are at the top of my list of command staff." Looking up to the sky, he decided he'd achieved most of what he wanted, "I need to get going, however. It was wonderful to meet you, Itsuki-san." Bowing first to the ranking officer, he also honored the other two in descending order, "Major, Captain. Please, carry on." Wrapping himself in Bardiel's fog, he disappeared from their sight and began to move quietly away.

He wasn't further than three steps when he heard the Light Colonel ask in a no-nonsense voice, "How serious is he about requisitioning you two?"

"First I've heard of it," the Captain was surprised she'd been included. Her song fairly screamed interest in the idea, however.

Shinji turned back around, taking note of the worry in the Major's song and wondering if he'd spoken out of turn.

"He was speaking earlier today to me and my First Sergeant," Kiyomi attempted to reassure her compatriot. "We were explaining to him how military units work. Rotating people through, keeping people from burning out, training, complacency issues. He knows that I'll eventually be moved elsewhere, he's just not comfortable with change."

Hagiwara was having none of it, "Does he exaggerate? Be honest, Major." The reversion to ranks made it clear that the situation had become a touch more serious than he'd intended.

"No, ma'am," Commander, Alpha Company's song became very nervous. "He has a great deal of interest in the idea, he prefers continuity, and gaining his trust is a rare thing."

"Congratulations," she looked between the two. "Major Honda, you are now mentoring Captain Ozaki. I want her spun up on how you've managed to get him to open up to you. The Regiment will be forwarding a list of potential Commanders for Charlie. You two are going to go over that list, and pick someone that you feel will exceed his expectations. You will then write a full briefing on what you have witnessed with regards to his capabilities as a leader of men. I want it written as a professional biography, and I want it in a week. You're mine now, Honda. I intend to shape you into an officer capable of relieving me when it comes time for me to either retire or be promoted upwards. Because at that point, we will move Battalion HQ here, or wherever he lives. I have received this mandate from His Imperial Majesty himself…we are going to fix the JSSDF, ladies. The corruption of this 'Soul' group has fouled her good name long enough. Prove yourselves worthy of his good word, or I swear on my mother's grave I will bury you both."

 _…Going to have to apologize to her now, aren't I?_ Turning to walk away, he shook his head, _I'll mention tomorrow that I don't want to stop them from succeeding in what they'd rather do. I probably should have mentioned that then. Damn it._

"Ma'am, not that I mind studying up on how Major Honda succeeded," Captain Ozaki's song dripped with hesitancy, "but to be honest I'm not looking to fast-track myself based on proximity to Ikari-sama. I know my limitations, I'm not interested in being a figurehead or a political pawn. I'd rather find my own route as far as my abilities take me."

Pausing again, he looked up to Lilith, _Damn it._

"Oh there's no worry about that," Lieutenant Colonel Hagiwara laughed dryly. "We will continue to throw people at this problem until we find the right people. If you can't hack it, I _will_ replace you. Ladies," her tone became deathly serious, "he is a weapon of mass destruction. What we have seen him do, both positive and negative, can _not_ be allowed to be weaponized. The Emperor is asking that his sons and daughters foster Shinji Ikari's self-proclaimed and demonstrated desire to bring about lasting peace. Both of you know that peace is only sustained, for too many people, by the threat of force of arms. We _must_ have people we trust by his side. The way we do business will change, and both of you might very well find yourselves given extraordinary authority…or moved aside so that someone else we trust can do it instead. He doesn't seem to trust easily, or believe me I would plant my flag right here. Someday, should he come to understand that I want every man, woman, and child on Earth working together in peace and harmony, I might manage to place HQ alongside the palace we're going to build for him. That palace _will_ be in Japan."

"If we're looking for global peace, ma'am," Kiyomi proved Shinji's faith in her correct, "why is this plan sounding rather nationalistic?"

"The palace has to be somewhere, Major. So we'll build it where it can be defended by the finest military mankind has ever seen. Where we can remind him that he was born here, that where his birth family failed him, his country will succeed. The One-One will be his family. We will see his wives safe. We will support his children, let them show their peers how to be better people." She paused, thinking for a moment before continuing, "We understand how to bear heavy burdens, without becoming embittered. If we plant his flag anywhere else, we risk his success being tainted before it even begins. The Imperial Princess has seen that much, at least." Closing off the discussion, she moved on, "I'm heading to my cot. I expect those reports, ladies. We are living in momentous times, let's at least pretend like we deserve a footnote."

 _I do need to speak with you, Shinji,_ Lilith tapped him with her heel. _This situation is only part of the problem, and not the worst of it by far._

Changing his clothes to more appropriate versions for exercise and moving out of the camp at a run, he engaged in his preferred method of stress relief, _Jake's in the hospital. Kiyomi's being forced to be exactly what she hates. I still don't know what they want to do about Idunn. I can keep going on the problems I'm facing, Lily. I know that I have to delegate. I have to take my hands off of the reins and let others prove that they can do the right thing faced with the situations I'm forcing them into. I have to not try and take responsibility for every bad thing that comes along. I know all of this._

Perfectly balanced where she was sitting, the Angel on his shoulder sighed, _You also know that's not what I'm talking about. This planet's problems are inconsequential in comparison to what will happen when the Scions arrive. You have to know they're on their way. They've been on the move since before I purged 'Gentle', they have to have been._

 _This is my home,_ he kept his eyes on the roads before him. _Do you expect me to just let it burn to the ground?_

 _I expect you to look at the larger picture!_ Pointing off to the side, she changed his destination. _Like it or not, Lover, you are not human. You don't have human concerns. You don't need to eat, or drink, or sleep. You could, on a whim, eliminate every living being on this planet, here in not too long the galaxy won't be much of a challenge, then the local cluster, then the universe itself. The Judges won't sit back and let this go. The other minor offshoots, the races that actively seek to conquer and consume stronger beings won't ignore you for long. Each time you summon Shamshel you're ringing a dinner bell, and if you're going to protect them the way you say you want to, you need to think bigger._

Bounding from large boulder to rocky crag, he climbed the mountain she'd steered him towards, _So what would you have me do, then?_ Reaching the peak in short order, he stared up at the stars lining the clear night sky, _You say I'm capable of fighting the Judges, why not fight them here?_

"Because they have the resources to send endless waves of ships, and you don't." Dropping off his shoulder to stand before him, she gestured in the direction she knew to be the headquarters of the seven enigmatic beings, "They will not allow you a moment's rest. There will be deaths, and tragedy, and all of it preventable if you will just agree to go on the offensive. We'll be done with killing _his_ wayward idiots before long, not much more than a month. But that's not where this ends, and you know it."

"Leaving who to defend this planet? Kiyomi? Against ten times Rose's number in beings that can take down a cloned Angel? Rose could reduce this planet to a bad memory in seconds with her ship, even before the abolition of nuclear armaments humanity couldn't manage to dent the outer shell of the planet in an hour. Again, it'd be like sending Nozomi-chan against Akane." Gesturing towards the industrial heart of Japan, he countered, "Suppose I convince them to start producing the basic components to reproduce Rose's ship. How would we man it? How would we _fuel_ it? I studied enough of the basics during those lives that I was taken off-world, and if we start _today_ we are still at least fifteen years away from reliable intra-system propulsion. If I scrap Rose's ship to let them reverse engineer him, we could get lucky and do it in twelve. But if I do that, how am I supposed to go visit the Judges? What do you expect me to do, Lily? Short term, we're grounded."

"You could modify that abomination they force you to utilize easily," she challenged him. "Why aren't you pushing yourself harder to use your abilities? Why do you limit yourself when you could instead stretch further, fly higher? This," she gestured to the eye with a tendency to glow when angered, "is only a problem because you deny who and what you are."

He looked away, "I am-"

"Intending to kill yourself after Tabris, I know," she moved to where he had to look at her, floating before his eyes with a hurt expression. "It's kind of obvious to anyone paying any kind of attention to you." When he blinked in surprise, both at how casually she stated the concept and the fact that he hadn't been considering anything of the sort that he was aware of, she smiled sadly, "Do you honestly think I've been ignoring you? I haven't been around, I know. But one of us has to start laying the groundwork for us leaving, Lover, and it hasn't been you."

His brow knit, "I'm not-"

"Going to go without a serious, knockdown, drag-out, brawl over the matter, again, I know. You have been actively pushing everyone to prepare for a future that doesn't include you. Part of you wants to leave, to escape the insanity that your life has become. Another part of you wants to 'leave'," she made quotes around the word with her fingers, "and stop the pain from continuing to pile up on your shoulders, and everyone else's. You think you're the only reason their lives are the way they are. That without you, they'll be free to live their lives in whatever form or fashion they choose."

"Would you stop interrupting me?" Growling out the request, he leaned towards her with more than a hint of aggression, "I. Am not. Leaving here. The people of Earth need my help. You just heard what they said at the camp, same as I did. If I up and leave, what will that do to everyone who's placed their hopes in my hands, hmm? If I have to continue fighting the Scions, then I'll keep fighting them. But I won't abandon Earth until humanity can defend themselves. If those narcissistic monsters are as bad in this reality as they were in some of the others, they'll destroy this planet on _principle_ once I'm gone." He held up his finger as she went to speak, "Don't you even make the 'sacrifices must be made' argument. You may see this war as a means to gain power, I do not. We are supposed to be trying for equality between our views, and there is room to move between my perspective and yours."

Snorting with a smirk, she poked him with her finger, "I wasn't going to. If you agree to go fight, and not as a complicated scheme to commit honorable suicide, I'll stay here and protect everyone. Once you and I are actually equals, I'll have as much power as you, and not one ounce more."

"Which would require trusting someone who has a self-centered streak a kilometer wide," he refused to back down. "Was this what you wanted to talk to me about? Because if it is, this isn't a two-person conversation. Rose and her crew are involved. My wives should have a say, if not every person in my soul. I'd like to think the Aspects should have some input on how I will use their powers." His mind drifted towards the shrine, and the warnings he received, "There are others that I will want to speak with. People who…understand the proper use of enormous power. As well as the obligations that come with defending a planet."

Lily's playful demeanor faded, "Who are you talking about?" A touch of concern grew, "Why can't I see their faces?"

He wouldn't give up those five, not if she didn't know about them somehow. "You want the Judges dead. I want peace. When the Scions come, I will give them a chance to stand down and come to the negotiating table. That's always been my plan. I will not give up my planet, and I will not allow unchecked massacres of innocent people. If they will not leave in peace, then I will stop them, but I will not fire the first shot of a war I do not want." Working his arm loose, he shook his head and turned slightly away, "I'm not killing myself. I'm also not going to be able to impact a ten to fifteen year project by starting a month or so early. Once the Angels are dead, I'll look at encouraging mankind to use global resources for expanding spaceflight. I can feed everyone, and with luck we can convince everyone to stop aiming their weapons at each other and start building weapons capable of defending everyone."

Her nervousness grew, the realization that there were factors she hadn't accounted for or truly known about present unsettling her, "And how do you plan on stopping the Scions?"

"Ramiel, would you kindly show my…partner," carefully choosing the word, he made clear his continued lack of trust, "what you've been working on."

The polygonal Aspect shimmered into being nearby, sized large enough that local gravity would have been horribly distorted if he were required to adhere to regular physical laws, and politely asked, _Should I pull back some, Great One? Save some mystique for later when we need it more?_

"Please do." He had been hoping for some time before admitting this to everyone, simply not wishing to brag about his own destructive capabilities to a houseful of humans that might find it not only obnoxious, but terrifying, "You see…I realized the Aspects _are_ me. What I know, they know. Which means that what I learned in countless lives…." The lightning strike brightened the sky behind him for over a thousand kilometers. The roar of thunder shattering the stillness of the night, and setting off every nearby pressure-based alarm in the process. _They know._ Crossing his arms, he decided he should finally at least go on one offensive, _Such as throughout every single reality I lived through in my mind…you were never there._

Lilith considered Shinji, and then the towering menace behind her, _He's…not using your energy._

 _What worth is a Weapon that murders its wielder?_ The echoes of Ramiel's power chorused around them, _My place is known, Night Mother. I seek no Dominion, my Realm is assured. His wrath fuels my power, and you have stoked that emotion readily. As such, I believe I need to thank you._

 _Shinji?!_ Misato's voice broke into his mind, _Are we under attack? NERV just registered-_

 _We're fine. I just had to explain to Lilith that I don't need instruction in defending those I love._ A part of him felt bad for worrying everyone, for not warning them that he was about to field test one of his weapons, _The bolt hit the lower ionosphere, probably startled some people but otherwise didn't damage anything. I think I have her attention now. I love you, and I'm sorry I didn't warn anyone. Spontaneity has its drawbacks, I guess._

 _We heard that through the soundproofing,_ his sub-commander wasn't pleased, but understanding threaded through her statement. _Will there be any other fireworks, or are we ok for now?_

 _I don't think I'll need to explain myself further,_ the look in Lilith's eyes was proof of that. _Good night, Misato. I'll see you later today._ Cutting off the channel, he reverted to normal speech as their ears began working once more, "The next fight involving me isn't going to go the way that Tabris thinks it will. After Ireul bludgeoned me about the head and shoulders with the kind of jackass I was being, I took the opportunity to discuss with her new ways to employ the Aspects. Lessons I learned, from the Horaki curse. She had her own additions, and from there," he gestured up to the hulking Aspect of Thunder. "No. You have not been keeping as close an eye on me as you think you have."

"You don't know your own mind as well as you think you do," her voice carried doubt, and fear.

"I do not. This is true." Inclining his head in respect to Ramiel, he let the Aspect return to the center of his being, to use the time dilation therein to grow stronger, and more capable. "But I can destroy objects in space. I can shield the Earth with Sahaquiel, who needs nothing more than to know that as my daughter, she is loved beyond my capacity to describe. They have managed this in a few hours on Earth. What more will they come up with over the next month, hmm?" Waving away the discussion, despising that he was demonstrating how he would kill thousands, he changed the topic, "Thank you for coming when I called. Ireul said that it was your showing up that galvanized her into acting. It's not a perfect solution, considering the costs, but it at least makes more people happy."

Realization dawned, "But you said…. You…you don't want-"

He looked away, "I am giving them what they are asking for. This is my fault, ultimately. That makes it my responsibility to make their lives as comfortable as I can."

"What about your comfort?" Stepping forward, she touched his chest, "What about what you want?"

"When has that _ever_ mattered to you?" His head snapped back, his gaze incredulous, "You've been pushing for this as an answer for longer than they have! Congratulations, you've won. I'm now feeding you power, by feeding myself power."

She challenged him, unwilling to accept his interpretation as gospel, "I wanted you to come around to understanding that it isn't criminal to enjoy it!"

"I would have enjoyed it more if I could have kept it to one woman," he snapped. "If I could have made things _fair_ for her. You're right, what I want should matter! What I think is comfortable should be included! _What importance does fairness have to the most powerful-_ " Cutting himself off in the middle of shouting his pain out, he looked up to the sky, "No…she's early." _Misato?_

 _Huh?_ The sub-commander was surprised to hear from him again so quickly, _Shinji?_

He began walking towards the cliff, intending to take the faster route down, _Arael's here. Get Asuka up and get moving._ Stopping at a touch from Lilith, he clenched his teeth, "I don't get what I want, Lily. So I have to make do with what I have, and give what I can to everyone I love. I can't control their lives, and I can't control my life, so I may as well let them control mine." Pulling free, he jumped off the ledge and began making his way towards the GeoFront.

Lily's fist clenched, her harsh whispers only heard by the spirits of the mountain they'd stood upon, "I just wanted you to know what it meant to be loved…."

+++++ Author's Notes:

SK: RE: Iri.

She's a treat to write, I'll tell you.

origamishishou:

RE: Music.

Never played Undertale, kind of missed that cultural milestone in gaming. Had to look up that reference. Sabaton, however, I was introduced to on another board. Enjoyed their work so far.

RE: 189.

That reference, though, remains a mystery.


	124. Chapter 124

+++++ 15th Angel + 0: Thursday (119)

"That picture is rather grainy," Misato scowled at what she considered to either be dead pixels on the enormous viewscreen, or a jackass in space with a shaped flashlight. "Can we do anything about that? I can't plan around what I can't see."

"We are misusing three decade old technology and attempting to track a moving object close to lunar orbit with a device intended to stare unblinking at a patch of space lightyears away," Ritsuko grumbled as she fiddled with various settings on the connection, "I'm terribly sorry that it's 'grainy'."

Ignoring the byplay on the bridge, Shinji reached out to the Angel of Birds, _Arael? Can you hear me?_ Several heartbeats passed, with no response, "Damn it." Sitting in the entry plug up on the surface, disconnected from Unit-01 in an effort to reduce the chance that he'd seem threatening, he'd come up with the plan that continued to fail, "Two, please stop pointing your rifle at her. She's not in range, and I'm trying to convince her to talk."

"How's that worked out for us so far?" Her response was laden with irritation at the previous evening, "If I understand you correctly, you've tried talking down each of them. One listened, and you still had to kill it. I'm trying to adjust the scope to the pitch black sky, which I might add isn't helped by all of the local lights!"

"Still evacuating people," Maya's reply was tranquil. She refused to rise to the redhead's provocations, and wouldn't get into a fight over matters unrelated to what was truly bothering the irascible pilot. "We're at sixty percent, once everyone's tucked in we'll reduce light pollution."

[Song] _, what's your plan here? Her course isn't taking her near my ship, or the moon,_ Rose's tired voice reached his mind.

 _If I can't talk to her…I don't know. The few times we beat her, we used the Spear of Longinus, as far as I know that's still in what's left of Antarctica._ He sighed out, _Her offensive capabilities are limited. In a direct assault she'll come in weapons range and die. Long range, she has her excessively powerful telepathy. This might end up as a stalemate._ "Mother, can I get a direct line to the Throne?"

A few seconds drifted past, and Shinji heard Kozo's voice clearly, "This is atypical of you, son. What can I do for you?"

Grateful that, as far as he knew, Kozo hadn't done anything terrible in this life, he cast about for some more options, "What do you know of the Spear of Longinus? The control failsafe for Adam. It should have been discovered by the Katsuragi Expedition, because removing it caused Second Impact. I don't know how it was brought here, normally, but it's not here now and we usually use it to kill Arael from a distance."

"To my knowledge it…." There was a pregnant pause, "I will get back to you as soon as I can. I just pieced two things together that might be something of an issue. Do what you can here, my boy."

Misato's voice came over the line a second later, "What was that about? The Commander just left in a hurry."

 _The Spear of Longinus,_ he switched to mental communication to prevent anyone else on the bridge from overhearing, _in a number of the lives I remember, we used it to kill Arael. It meant we lost it, usually into a stable orbit around the moon, sometimes it ended up landing on the moon, but it always reached her up in space._

 _I see._ He could feel from her song that she didn't know about the weapon, _What about that display from earlier? The one that rattled windows around the Northern Hemisphere?_

 _Her A.T. Field would likely dissipate it. Ramiel will be effective against any ships in range, because the blast of lightning would scatter the energy-based shielding they use, and then ruin any electrical systems. Rose's forces could then board and claim the vessel. A few years of repair work, reverse engineering, and we have a new ship. The light of an Angel's soul operates on a much different principle. That's why Sahaquiel is so effective against most attacks, and ultimately why the Evas are inordinately powerful weapons._ He'd already thought of the idea himself, _Having you in my soul is handy, for thinking through responses to threats._

The swell of love that came from her was powerful, _Being in your soul is handy, because it leaves no doubt as to your loyalty. You're sure she'll stop outside of LEO?_

 _I was sure she wouldn't show up for another several days at least,_ he shifted in his seat. _I shouldn't have become complacent and expected everything to follow the same orderly plan. With SEELE nearly eliminated, and my father's hands off the wheel, things were bound to change._

"The Americans managed to get their satellite flipped around," Ritsuko announced, cutting into their thoughts. "Ok…well, it's at least a sharper image of a glowing bird."

Asuka growled, "Taking their sweet time getting in weapon's range." Lowering her rifle in disgust she glowered at the camera in her plug, "Is this thing even strong enough?"

"Two, if it's not in a rush that means we have time to prepare. Stay frosty, all right?" Part of him wished that he was able to walk Unit-01 over and try to reason with her face to face, but the newest problems with his bond with the enormous biomechanical beast would prevent direct communication, to say nothing of the fact that the potential for misunderstanding with Arael was too high still, _Arael, sweetie, please. Let's talk._

 _Great One,_ Israfel Alpha alighted on his knee, _she can hear you. We believe she is…well…._

Israfel Beta laid against his shoulder, _Ignoring you. Arael has always had her own mind on matters._

 _She's not unreasonable,_ Alpha was quick to clarify. _She just…well, she's very confident in her own vision._

Leliel landed in his lap, _She's insufferable._ The unruly hair of the Aspect of Night shimmered in the LCL, granting her unearthly pallor an accented beauty, _But, that's mostly because she's frequently right._

"That's…irritating," bunching his lips off to the side, he was hardly aware of his hands' motions along the knees of two of the three ladies present. "Mother, I don't think they're going to listen to me. We're going to have to do this the hard way."

"No," Asuka drawled, "really? Wow. Who'd've-"

"Stow it, Two," Misato barked. "Get your mind in the game, or I'm pulling you from the field." Her voice calmed as she addressed her other pilot, "I hate to say it, Paladin, but it's time to put on your armor."

"Roger." _Ladies, thank you for letting me know. Please, do what you can to make her arrival comfortable. I'll see about spending some more time with everyone once things have calmed down._ Receiving three kisses, he was once more alone in his Eva in short order, "Ok, Science. I'm ready for A-Ten."

+++++ 15th Angel + 0: Thursday (119)

"It couldn't have been them," Gendo declared confidently. "The Spear is enormous. Easily as tall as one of the Evas. You've had the UN Navy observing that area for months," he gestured to Philip, "we'd know if the types of ships and equipment had arrived to the area, let alone done excavation work to extract it from beneath the waves."

"Which means it might be him," Kozo scowled. "We should have gone after it. It was a mistake to leave it down there."

The commander of the UNIGC's attention was half on the brief report regarding the capabilities of the Spear of Longinus, "What countermeasures do we have? Surely you weren't lax enough to not put some research into ways to prevent this from harming your pilots?"

"Don't get hit by it," Gendo shrugged. "We're not fully certain as to how the A.T. Field itself functions, whoever designed this key did so with full knowledge of not only how, but how to stop them. If our measurements are accurate, even a shard of this would go through an Eva's defenses. Though breaking the Spear would be nearly physically impossible. At that point, only the armor plating would be of any use, and with enough force not even that. In the end, however, it's just a pointy stick for anyone not Angelic. It won't shut down an Eva, it will damage it."

"If he somehow copies its properties," Kozo's mind went to the worst case scenario. "We should have gone after it."

+++++ 15th Angel + 0: Thursday (119)

Placing one enormous hand on Asuka's positron rifle, Unit-01 pulled it down and shook his head. Any speaking he tried to do would end in growls that carried nothing she could hear, _Maya, I'm not sure she should be out here. If contact is made between Arael and Asuka, it could do more harm to her than good._

 _I make the combat decisions, Paladin,_ Misato responded firmly. _If we hold her back, her confidence is going to crater. If she loses confidence, she's not going to be there to help you against the next two, or whatever Tabris brings with him. We aren't going to leave her alone, whether she's allowed to join our family or not she's still someone we care for. Focus on the fight._

"This would be easier if you'd just let me in," Asuka had switched her radio so it broadcast between their Evas alone. "Are you really going to allow them to dictate the rest of your life?"

Lifting his hands to use Sign, he realized she didn't speak that either and briefly clenched his fists tight. Walking away a few steps, he chose to let the comment lie. He couldn't respond through any of the three women with access to microphones, not without breaking the trust Asuka was asking him to have in her. He was stuck listening to what she had to say, like it or not. He just had to wait it out. His neck clenched, _Just have to wait it out._

"I'm not going to let them do that to you, Mausbärchen. You have been forced to take them on. _You_." Her bonfire was burning brightly, her song unified. "I know you prefer to see it the other way, but you have to start looking at it from your own damn perspective!" He could feel his anger growing with each word she spoke. "You didn't ask for any of them to be drawn to you. You were worn down." The closed eye of his human body, nestled within the entry plug, began to glow hot. "None of your 'wives' put more than token resistance into it. Do you even have _one_ of them that's backing you up? That's saying, 'Not one more'? No. They're just looking to _curate_ entry instead!"

Unit-01's mouth restraints shattered as he roared, "SHUT THE _FUCK_ UP!" Now fully understandable, the Evangelion's mouth his to use unconstrained, he pointed to Unit-02, "What do you know about any of it? You haven't been there to help! You weren't interested enough to respond when I texted you. You weren't able to see past your own problems, now you want to judge how I've chosen to resolve mine? You're right! I didn't ask for any of them to be drawn to me, but they didn't ask for that either. So I'm meeting them half way. What are you doing, then? You're not looking towards finding the middle ground, you're looking for what works best for _Asuka_! I've done _nothing_ but try and support you in that, and what thanks do you give me?! This! This right-"

A coruscating beam of fragile-seeming light surrounded him, swallowing his mind whole. _Such…anger. Sorrow._ An ethereal voice stroked his mind, _Filled with…you are the being that has been chosen? You?_ Arael's entire demeanor sang of one who was viewing a new situation from far above it. Unconcerned with the particulars, only desiring to know the general trends. Trees fell, but the forest itself grew. His discomfort was a statistical data point, not a trend.

Dropping to one knee, his head feeling as if it would burst apart at the seams, Unit-01 struggled to draw in air, tried to speak in the manner it was accustomed to, "I…. Help…." He wanted to let the intruder into his mind know that he wanted to aid everyone in reaching peace. That his darker emotions were born of frustration and not malice, "Give…."

"This thing's not in range, I can't get a solution," Asuka held her rifle up to her shoulder, her scope directly over the target, rock steady and waiting for the MAGI to give her the go ahead. "Mother, I'm out of range. I need elevation!"

 _You do possess their energies._ Unconcerned with the non-threat, Arael continued to speak exclusively to Shinji, _My father, my siblings. They are changed, yet they remain…strong. Stronger?_ Her mind caressed his chin, _You offer them freedom. They all shout that you are no slaver. Have I been misled?_

"He's registering tachycardia," Ritsuko called out. "You've got to get him out of there, sub-commander. Heartrate's still increasing. BP's climbing."

"Useless fucking…," leaving the subject of her statement unspoken, Asuka tossed aside her rifle and charged at Shinji. Her intent to tackle him behind a nearby tower, providing shelter from the beam's angle of attack, however was cut short as soon as she made contact with the light.

 _Enough._ A voice familiar to Shinji spoke into the chaos, silencing everything but her words, _This madness is not as had been planned, and I will not allow it to proceed._

Darkness surrounded him, just as suddenly as the light had, and he felt a pair of arms cradle him, "Who…K-Kyoko-san?"

Another pair of arms encircled him, "You really are out of it, aren't you?" Asuka's voice was slightly wobbly, "It's me, you…wonderful dork. Did you meet my mom in one of those fake realities? I'm told," she grunted as she tried to lift him up, "I favor her. But she had black hair."

 _She can't see me,_ Kyoko helped her daughter lift him to his feet. _Or, I suppose she_ chooses _not to see me._

The world lightened some, mainly in the proximity of a being he recognized as Arael. The Angel of Birds appearing as an enormous, angular, raven crouching on its haunches and observing with a detached eye, _Interesting. This one interfaces with another. You,_ her head tilted as she considered Shinji, _are rather unique. This is unanticipated._ A longer pause, _Hello, mother._

"Hello, dear," Eve stepped alongside Asuka, pulling her away and leaving Kyoko alone on his opposing side. "You've come at a…less opportune time. It is good to see you, however."

"Where are we," nausea slimed around Shinji's stomach, his senses distorted and distended. "This…doesn't feel like my soul, or my head."

 _We are in mine._ Kyoko Zeppelin Soryu's announcement brought his head rapidly towards her, leading him to lurch further away from Asuka and stumble against the elder woman, _Vorsicht, meine Mausbärchen._ Holding him up with greater ease than he might have anticipated, she ran her hand along his spine affectionately, _You are the medium through which we all speak. That is a great deal to ask of anyone, even you._

"She is very correct, Great One," Eve remained where she was, not wishing to move closer to Kyoko for reasons which were only clear to her. "We are straining you considerably. Perhaps allow her to hold you upright, she is far…stronger, than you might believe."

"Who are you talking about?" Asuka scowled at the awkward way she saw Shinji standing, "Nobody's holding him up. Unless die Engel is." The redheaded pilot glared at the intruder, "I'm surprised you're not attacking."

 _I see no need. The Wanderer is who I have sought after. His death would serve no positive ends._ Arael's head turned towards Asuka, _You, on the other hand, have little such protection. Your purpose is met. Your destiny fulfilled. Stay or leave. Live or die. It makes little difference ultimately._

"S-stop," Shinji could feel Asuka winding up to retort. "Stop." Breathing heavily, he allowed Kyoko to move herself under his shoulder, holding him close, "We're talking. We're not fighting. Eve," his throat was feathers and stones all at once, "please go tell Misato and Maya we're talking. If they panic and do something rash, this will only get worse."

"I would," the Mother of Angels smiled helplessly, "but due to the nature of where we are, nobody outside of the five of us is doing _anything_. Time has taken a bit of a break, so to speak."

Asuka looked around, counting quickly, "Four." She pointed, in exaggerated fashion, to each being she could see, "One," herself, "two," Shinji, "three," Eve, "four," Arael. "Where is this mystery fifth person you mention? Is it one of Shinji's Aspects?"

 _To an extent_ , Kyoko announced quietly just as Eve replied, "Sort of."

Shinji's brain seized, "What?"

 _It is…amazing, truthfully, to watch this little play unfold. The Lilin who has become a blind god refuses to see all ends, despite having lived them. The blindfold he wears is not of his choosing, and yet he chafes at it not._ Arael fluffed her wings twice, _Creation must be truly distressed to see you act with such chaotic resolve._

His heart was pounding in his ears, "No. No, no no." Looking down at the woman keeping him from the floor, he shook his head and immediately regretted having done so, "Please, no. Not you too. You've already-"

 _It is too late,_ Kyoko shrugged. _My dearest daughter acted to save you, and I was left with two choices to make. Allow her to be forced into your being, incomplete and unaware, or shield her and take this burden upon my own shoulders of my own free will. It is not so terrible a fate,_ her smile was, as she implied, one of peace. _To spend eternity in your soul, with company and the freedom to see what you see. It certainly beats the last decade and…more, in my mind. A good man, with a good heart, and an immense curiosity about the ways of the world? Far worse was once my fate._

"I…I can't," his chest felt tight, his lungs ached. "I-I was…I was going to…." His knees failed him, and Kyoko could no longer keep his entire body mass from slumping to all fours. "I was going to find a way to free you. Give you back."

Asuka dropped to his side, feeling his pulse at his throat and demanding of both Angels present, "What is wrong with him? What is happening?"

Arael ignored Asuka as inconsequential, _Your life is governed by irony…Great One. I see now why they chose that name for The Wanderer. You are all made one, power given form and purpose, a burden you carry with the heaviest of hearts._

"Unit-02. Oh…oh fuck." Pounding his fist into the ground repeatedly, "She's not here." Laughing, the dark humor of the situation making itself known in his mind as the next in a long line of realities settled in, "I was right, wasn't I? _I'm Unit-01!_ " Crouching forward, he buried his face in his forearms, leaving himself arched on his knees as he screamed wordlessly before panting out, "She's gone."

"Meine Mausbärchen, bitte bleib bei mir." Running her hand hurriedly across his back, passing without knowing through her own mother's, Asuka chose her fight, "Nothing's changed, I promise. Whatever this bitch is doing," she flung her hand out towards Arael, "it's just messing with your mind. Fight it. Let's get home, get this battle over, and you can move into my dorm with me. We can tell everyone else to leave you alone. We'll help each other, you'll see!"

"Asuka, you…you don't…." Laughing and gagging back bile at the same time, he felt hyperventilation begin to kick in, "You can't see her. Your…your mother. She…she _was_ Unit-02."

His wingman nodded, "I know. I found out while you were unconscious after the last Angel." Shrugging, she pushed on him to try and help him sit back upright, "Your mother was the soul for Unit-01. It's just another thing we have in common, right? Forced to bond with the dead remains of the women who willingly abandoned us."

 _It was not done willingly,_ Kyoko responded quietly. _I didn't want to. That's why my contact experiment was incomplete, and your mother's was not._ Running her hand along his chest, urging him to breathe in time with her, the middle-aged doctor smiled sadly, _I've known for some time that Yui Ikari was not present, that you were the driving force for your Evangelion. I have not felt her soul, her presence, in the touch of your A.T. Field. I can feel everyone else, the people who work on Unit-02…. I would have mentioned it, had you been allowed to visit. The secrets you've kept, the lies you've had to tell…what a terrible being this Creation must be to force such horrors onto a good man's shoulders._

 _Creation has done nothing,_ Arael corrected, clacking her beak. _Creation is attempting to guide The Wanderer towards what he requires for success in his goals. It is as confused as any here present as to why The Wanderer refuses to act in an even mildly rational manner._

"Who else is talking?" Standing behind him, pulling his upper torso against her body, she hugged his shoulders, "Shinji, I can't protect you against what I can't see. Can't you just bring me in? Let me see what you see so I can fucking help!"

"That's not a good idea right now," Eve asserted herself hastily. "Right now, of _any time_ is the worst time for that to happen. Arael, my dear, sweet, daughter. Please, you must see that allowing him to absorb you is for the best. Let us end this discussion for now. We can all speak later, when we're not standing knee deep in flammable liquids with a box full of matches."

Asuka snapped at her passenger, "Do you just enjoy being contrarian?" Clutching him tighter, she glared daggers at the woman, "You've been champing at the bit to get in his soul. Now I'm begging him to make this happen and you're suddenly opposed?"

 _It is truly not a good idea,_ Kyoko shook her head. _Should you attempt to bond her while within my soul, you risk fusing her to me, ensuring she never heals from the severe mental disorder I unfortunately passed down to her. Let us be rid of this angel first, and speak more of our dilemma without you suffering physical pain._

 _Agreed._ Arael stood taller. Shaking itself and fluffing out its wings once more, she inclined her head and dissolved her attack.

Immediately protesting, Asuka shouted, "Wait I'm not-"

Whatever else was said by her, was stated in the silence of an unpowered Evangelion. Shinji was, once again, the size of a skyscraper, and quickly buried under the immobile form of Unit-02 as it finished the tackle Asuka had begun before the start of the supernatural conference. The pain had increased many times over, now, and he was not as gentle as he might once have been in extracting himself. There was orderly yelling, people announcing various actions as they occurred. The Angel was descending. Unit-02 had flatlined. Shinji's heartrate had stabilized. Unit-01 was on the move.

"Paladin," Misato, unaware that more time had passed than she experienced personally, assumed that Asuka had 'taken the bullet' for him, "get to the positron-"

"I have the situation in hand," he cut her off, anger, disgust, and pain roiling his mind. "Negotiations are over. Prep…prep an evacuation team…include security. Two isn't going to go willingly."

 _This…is truly an odd experience,_ Kyoko's voice spoke with gentle warmth in his mind. _You are most assuredly not a product of your parents._

 _I am an Ikari in name alone. I am neither Gendo's son, nor Yui's._ Walking to a space where Arael could reach him without destroying anything, his once-mortal body's eye dripping blue flame, he refused to take his traumas out on a woman who'd suffered as Kyoko had, _And you would not_ believe _the year I've had so far._ His jaw worked as the foul taste of the restraints faded, "Science, I think I'm going to need a nap. Please ask Temple to standby."

"We will take excellent care of him," he heard the voices of the Twins from near Ritsuko's microphone. "His vitals are stabilizing, but a precautionary checkup is advised."

"I will defer to your judgement, Rina, Hina." It would give him the chance to apologize to them for failing miserably, if nothing else. The enormous avian slowed its descent, flaring its wings as it reached the valley he'd chosen. _I am sorry if this hurts you, Arael._

 _Pain is transient, Wanderer. It serves its purpose, in the grand scheme._ Standing as straight as she could, she offered her breast to him, _What you seek is below the brightest portion of my torso._

Sliding his hand into her being was no different than moving it through the air between them. She was a being made, save for her core, of pure light. As dense or ethereal as she chose to exist, but never less bright than the sun at noon. Gripping the core in his hand, he forced himself to be gentle with one who would occupy his soul alongside so many others, _That doesn't obviate my sorrow that this was the only way to save humanity. I look forward to seeing you soon, so that we can speak face to face…welcome home._

+++++ 15th Angel + 0: Thursday (119)

Several hours had passed before he was lying in the latest medical suite set aside specifically for his use. A thoroughly protesting and pissed off Asuka had to be physically restrained and removed from the field. Unit-02 had to be placed on the platform to be lowered into the base. The broken core of Arael had to be carefully deposited in a specially designed truck for transport to the testing grounds. Through it all, Shinji had remained silent, verbally. He'd reassured those women who could hear his mind that he was fine, physically, and asked for patience as he struggled with the new 'normal'. He hadn't explained about Kyoko, as without any concrete intelligence to offer all he'd be doing is winding people up without point or purpose.

Throughout, however, he'd answered with far more patience than he thought himself capable of the questions Kyoko had as to how he felt existing as the Eva. Her responses surprised him, her own sensations aligning with his rather neatly. To her, it was a validation that her experiences were real. Tangible. She now had an external source of data that was both irreplaceable and uncontaminated by her own statements. To him, it was a distraction from the continuing horrors of the world. Delaying the inevitable, true, but allowing him to be done with the complicated matters so he could lay down and handle the complex.

Rina and Hina both stood scowling at him, having heard his apology out, before looking to one another and then back to him, "Ikari-sama is an idiot." Standing side by side, and planting their inner hands on their hip while pointing at him aggressively with their outer, they proceeded to inform him in tandem and in no uncertain terms as to the degree to which his idiocy had reached. Not only was it not his fault that the fire had been set, it was demeaning to the esteem in which he was held for him to act as if he wouldn't have done something had he the capacity. Stomping around each side of the bed, they hugged him fiercely, "Stop being an idiot." An equally vicious kiss to either side of his mouth, and a pained smile, and he was left to absorb their lesson in peace.

 _…I must say, you truly are nothing like your father. He would never put up with being berated by anyone but Doctor Ikari. She had him wrapped around her finger tight. You, it seems, prefer to simply accept the harangue for what it is._ Kyoko's voice remained the same, bemused, soothing tone that she'd had in Unit-02 while at sea, _For how immature you are, you have surprising fits of maturity._

Closing his eyes and laying back, he smiled gently, _It's a dance. I try to express how badly I feel for what has happened, and how my having moved through time and space created the world we live in. They try to express how much I mean to them, and how life isn't as simple as I try to make it seem. Society doesn't accept people telling each other that they love them, and would miss them terribly, so openly. So, we all speak in code._

 _Maturity,_ she seemed to shrug. _Are we to be alone for a time, now? I would assume, based on what I've seen, that you would expect to be swarmed under before long._

Answering her question the simpler way, he relaxed and sent his mind into his soul. Landing at the centrally located area, where Adam would typically host guests, Shinji stood before what was clearly an older Asuka with dark black hair. Dressed in a bright mauve blouse and a calf-length denim skirt, she projected calm and order. Her lack of socks or shoes, however, indicated more than a touch of whimsy. Finally, the same blue eyes as her daughter's shone with curiosity and intellect, and more than a hint of concern. "Pleased to finally meet you face to face, Kyoko-san," he bowed politely. "I…." Standing, he sought the proper words to use, "I am sorry that you had to sacrifice any hope of being retrieved from Unit-02, of being returned to the real world."

"Well, that's honest, at least." Walking forward, displaying a more mature self-confidence than what her daughter possessed, she quickly wrapped him in a tight hug, "I am not upset at my lot, Shinji. Not even a little." Shifting her weight back, so that she held him still but looked him in the eye when she spoke, "While you were assisting with recovery efforts, I spoke to several of my new…roommates? Ireul-chan in particular seemed most concerned for my wellbeing."

"I am something of the hostess in charge, ma'am," the familiar voice of the Aspect of Terror reached his ears. "I wouldn't be so crass as to declare myself his favored, though it likely isn't far off the mark." Garbed 'casually', in a comfortable sun dress that left her shoulders exposed, she radiated leisure and ease, "Arael is off visiting with Sahaquiel, my love. She wished to speak to her siblings, before presenting herself to you."

Shinji nodded once, "That's good. It makes sense Sahaquiel would get along well with her, considering their Aspects. She's unharmed?"

"Arael wouldn't speak a word about her own pain if she was standing in the center of a star," the one-eyed Aspect laughed. "It's just how she is. She spoke well of your soul, reminded all of us that we are guests, and then told me that I should hurry up and give you children."

Kyoko laughed, a rolling, brassy sound, "Ireul-chan blushed rather prettily at that. They truly are nothing like the Angels they once were, are they?"

"We are freed of our Father's madness, once Shinji absorbs us," Ireul's song spoke of no ire at the statement. "Living as we do, where we are, we have the freedom to be what we wish to be. Inspired by Shinji's presence, we choose to be a force for peace and balance. I, personally, look forward to seeing how you are changed by your current situation. To my knowledge, it is unprecedented."

"Kyoko-san," he stopped as she put the tip of her finger on the end of his nose.

Sharp, blue, eyes flashed hot, reminding him that Asuka's temper was not merely a product of her history, "When you are as intimately tied as we are, formality is not only egregious, it is impolite. You do me no honor by putting a boundary between us, Shinji. Our fates are joined, act like it."

"I…I'm sorry," he looked down, chastened.

"You're learning," patting him on the back, she shifted to where she could stand under his arm. "No one has taken you in hand, shown you how to be a human. Everyone simply expects you to know what _he_ never bothered to teach you. While Ireul-chan shows you how to be divine, I will show you how to be human. Between the two of us, we might manage to craft something passable."

"It would be lovely to have some help in that regard," the smile Ireul gave him was full of fondness. "He is well aware of his failings, one might say he's _too_ aware of his failings. It makes it a challenge to address the smaller ones, those that go unnoticed by him until it's too late."

"He'll learn. He's needed a steady hand, one that doesn't have other concerns. I don't mean to belittle you, dear," she made soothing motions to Ireul, "I am positive you have done your best. But you have to balance his needs with the other Aspects, as well as the entirety of Terror. I find myself without anything to do, now that I've abandoned Unit-02, and he seems like a wonderful project to busy myself with. I promise, though, I'm eager to work together with you."

Shinji took her mentioning Unit-02 as a chance to discuss what was a rather serious concern for him, "So…that's going to be a bit of an issue. I'm capable of fighting alone, sure, but having Asuka as backup gives me some room to maneuver. If Tabris brings a whole host of Evas, having her will be vital to stopping him from laying waste to half the city."

"You could always use that other presence tied to her soul," Kyoko shrugged. "Nothing would have functioned properly if she was incompatible. From what I could understand of their conversations, she was Ireul-chan's mother."

"It would work," the Aspect of Terror agreed easily. "The abomination is made of the same materials as Eve, and Eve having a connection to your friend would allow integration. The only serious drawback, however, is that it would work…better, we'll say, if Eve were…." A slight scowl grew, "I am not enthusiastic about including my mother in my life. She has always been quick to use guilt, overly interested in what we're doing, and…demonstrative."

"How would that work better?" Tilting his head, trying to see what possible benefit his bonding Eve would give for then having her attach to Unit-02, "If she's tied to me, wouldn't that interfere with what we'd be attempting rather drastically?"

Ireul shook her head, "She'd be an Aspect. Stronger, more capable, more complete. If you gave her the same freedom you give me, she could animate the abomination whenever you needed her to. Act as its energy source, while your friend directed it. So long as she didn't lose focus, Eve would be able to improve her reaction times as well. As a bonus," the woman he loved began to look happier, "it would hurt her _tremendously_ for you to bond her, since she hasn't figured out how to return your friend to 'normal'."

"Iri," Shinji chided her, "that's cruel."

"That is neither true, nor pertinent," Kyoko corrected. "You prefer to act in ways that don't contain needless cruelty. That is, however, a preference. You have done plenty of things which could be regarded as cruel, though never unnecessarily. If a bit of pain will help Ireul see her mother as having repaid a debt, then it makes sense for her to feel pleasure for the matter. That you dislike it does not change her preferences, and a good husband wouldn't seek to control his wife's preferences. Only her actions, when needed to save lives or prevent tragedies."

Blinking, he looked down and saw honest sincerity, "Shouldn't I try to stop cruelty, though? It's not helpful, even if it feels cathartic."

"You should look at the whole situation, and decide whether you are taking away someone else's autonomy. You _can_ control everything. That doesn't mean you _should_ control everything." A fetching, trouble-seeking, smile grew, "Besides, what if someone you love asked you to do something you thought might be cruel, but it served not only justice, but goodness?"

"I can't imagine a scenario where-"

Ireul cut over him, "Toji Suzuhara's actions towards Sakura, as Misato told you, were far worse than you knew. Despite repeated chances to improve as a person, he continued to seek out destructive paths. His family suffered for his failures. His father died, his sister orphaned after despicable acts were forced upon her. When she was shown the video of Hikari dismantling him in the grocery store, she felt _happiness._ To see her tormentor receive some small punishment. When she found out he was dead? She felt relief. That his life was ended was cruel. It was also just, and brought about good." She lifted her lone eyebrow, "I will remind you of our location."

"Pipe statement," he responded, though still considering her words. "What you feel is good…explains exactly what Kyoko-s-" Cutting off at a squeeze of his ribs, he amended himself, "Kyoko was saying earlier. I have to allow room for disagreement. Not only in myself, but globally. Not everyone will feel happy given the same stimulus." Holding out his hand slightly, he clarified, "I won't engage in frivolous cruelty, though."

"You might," Kyoko patted his back. "Given the right impetus. I can think of a few things myself that would prompt it."

"Harming Nozomi or Sakura would likely be fatal," Ireul presented cases. "You wouldn't gently put the perpetrator down, you wouldn't hold yourself back. Anyone looking at it from an outsider's perspective would think you cruel, to use your unimaginable power to erase a stain on the planet's good name. You may not feel it's frivolous, but considering you can capture any of the Lilin without harming them, it would be just that to the outsider."

The former core of Unit-02 patted his chest, "We're all capable of terrible things, meine Mausbärchen. The reason behind those acts is what separates men from monsters."

"You really are her mother," he snorted, her preference for the same nickname he'd been given by Asuka bringing a sad, confused, smile to his lips. "She's never going to forgive me, once she finds out."

"Her loss," the reality of the situation in her eyes was that Asuka needed desperately to mature as well. If something that was well beyond his control caused her to eschew his company forevermore, then she did not deserve that company, "I could hold you to account for not more actively pursuing her, myself. I could say that you didn't do every, single, little thing that might have led to a relationship between the two of you, as I had once thought would be extremely beneficial to you both. Or," moving so that she stood before him, one hand cupping each hip, she smiled with the same ferocity her daughter was capable of, "I could forgive you for being the product of your environment, understand that you have tried your level best to do what others ask of you despite the costs to yourself, and accept my good fortune that I get to spend the rest of eternity studying alongside beings that are capable of bending reality to their whim. That I get to live, forever, by someone who would burn worlds to the ground to protect those he loves." Her eyes hardened, "My ex-husband didn't even raise a finger against those who shoved me into Unit-02. The only thing he was burning as I descended into insanity and broke dear Asuka's heart, were _Nadja's nethers_."

The competing advice, that he allow Asuka to take a course that would lead to her own destruction, and that he forgive himself for what he'd done that had aided her along that path, created the confusion that shone on his face, "I…don't understand."

"I know," the edge of anger faded, replaced by hope and peace. "You'll learn. I intend to help you do so. I hope you're ok with having me in your ear all day," moving once more so that she was under his arm, she started them walking onwards, "because I am very eager to learn more about you. Hopefully, you're just as eager to learn about me. We're going to be together for a _long_ time. May as well start becoming close!"

+++++ 15th Angel + 0: Thursday (119)

Arael, it seemed, preferred the avian look her Aspect was attuned to. Perched on the back of a chair, at the large table he'd created to house those of his soul's family that were willing to spend time together, she touched her beak to the liquid provided from time to time as others spoke. Shinji gave most of his attention to the speaker, but always with an eye for the pure white raven that had joined his odd little clan. She, in turn, returned the favor by observing him with equal intensity.

"…which is why, when he asked, I politely started filling the river with my children!" Gaghiel's enthusiasm couldn't be contained by the stool he was resting upon, too excited by not one, but two new people to speak with. Kyoko's smile was both tolerant and pleased, sensing the youthful nature of the Aspect of Fish. She urged, with simple touches, the former Angel to sit properly and self-soothe, with moderate success. "I checked in during your talk with Arael, and the Lilin are catching far less than they would need to, to depopulate the water. Great big children, that should feed their family nice and full."

Shinji hadn't had a moment since he'd introduced himself officially where Asuka's mother wasn't in physical contact with him. With his chair closer to hers, she held his hand even though her attention was on the one speaking to her. After a time, he reasoned it out that she'd been denied human touch for over a decade, and that anyone would be eager to maintain that contact once it was offered again. It followed that the reason she wasn't insane was itself only due to her daughter's near-daily presence in her life through tests and experiments in Unit-02.

Noticing that Leliel was looking a bit bored at the 'family dinner', he moved to engage with one of those Aspects that loved him far more intimately, "I see you combed your hair out, Leliel. It looks beautiful, as always. Is the brush I showed you working better?"

"O-oh!" Surprised at the sudden attention, she blushed brightly, "No, uhm…Miss Kyoko was eager to help me earlier. It was while you were still busy in the Lilin world, when Ireul introduced us. She…took a few hours and talked to me, brushing it out like you do."

"It would be wonderful to have my hair sparkle like hers does," Kyoko complimented the Aspect of Night easily. "With her complexion becoming healthier, and her hair color the way it is, it's no wonder you're as attracted to her as you are. She's a beautiful young woman."

"The Great One," Israfel spoke in tandem, "seems to enjoy your presence too, Miss Kyoko. That you have no body to return to does seem sad, however. We hope you enjoy what we have crafted here, and we look forward to spending more time learning from you."

"Older songs," she squeezed his fingers gently, turning to explain their meaning. "Things that I enjoyed once, and haven't heard except in my own mind for some time."

The warmth from the table, the peace and tranquility, had worked a great deal of magic in calming him down. That, in turn, informed his comment of, "I'd love to play some of that music for you. I'm trained on several traditional instruments, and the arrangements I'm hearing from Israfel are things I'm familiar with."

"It's been quite some time since a young man has offered to serenade me," she offered with a great deal of self-deprecation. "I believe I may take you up on that offer, once we return to our own world and can share that music with our family." Running her thumb along his finger, she moved the conversation along, "So each of you are capable of appearing as you will, yet many of you have chosen forms either comparable to or the very image of the way you appeared on Earth. Others, like Zeruel-kun," she gestured off to the distance where the Aspect of Strength had secluded himself, "look quite different. Is it truly preference?"

 _It has as much to do with how he perceives us, as how we feel about ourselves,_ Sandalphon's arms drifted slowly as he spoke. _The relationship, like any you might have experienced yourself, is bidirectional. I myself prefer how he views me, as it is ever a reminder to us both of how painful birth and change can be. It urges him towards easing that pain, which encourages his usage of my abilities, which enhances my powers, which enables the easing of the pain._

 _Like any organism,_ Arael chose to add, _Lilin or Adamite, we are only capable of so much freedom or choice in our circumstances._ Eyeing Shinji, she clacked her beak twice, _You might consider engaging in constructive propagation, Wanderer. Both Ireul and Leliel eagerly await your touch. Though Israfel and Bardiel may lose patience and become more demonstrative, should you prefer._

"O-oh," Sahaquiel blushed adorably, "b-but, he doesn't want to rush them, Big Sis! Daddy wants to m-make his Realm safe f-first. R-right Daddy?"

Kyoko fielded the query for him, "Oh, Erdbeerchen, whether he has more children or not, he will do all he can to make things safe." She radiated maternity, having quickly come to enjoy the timid nature of the Aspect of Sky, "Threats will always arise, because that is simply how life is. Having more children will only embolden his desire to keep them safe. He fights so hard for you, doesn't he? How much harder will he fight when your Momma Suzuka gives birth to your siblings, hmm?"

Bardiel laughed, amusement and joy melding, "I, for one, am fine without children at the moment. I rather enjoy the chase, the hunt. The way he drapes me about his body, shares my gifts with the others, it will make what we share one day all the warmer."

"He still owes me a kiss," Leliel pouted. "Things manage to get in the way whenever I go to collect."

"It is challenging to reach that balance, isn't it Leliel-chan?" Asuka's mother leaned against Shinji's shoulder, "You want, so badly, to bring him in. To show him, with all of your heart, what he means to you. To revel in his kindness, his gentle strength. But you know, even without him saying anything, that he treasures you far too much to cheapen the experience for either of you. You can see his heart, far better than we Lilin can, and you know a cloud hangs over it still."

"It sucks," the Aspect of Night agreed glumly. "Ireul managed to get him to unwind. I just seem to worry him whenever we're alone."

It was Ireul that spoke up in his defense next, "That's because he's interested, dear. If he was perfectly at ease, unaware of your charms, it would mean he didn't see you as someone he'd enjoy doing that with. Look at how he acts around the elder Lilin doctor that patches him up, as opposed to how he acts around The Diplomat. One very much has his eye, the other is simply a pleasantly shaped female that he loves."

"I do kind of agree with Sahaquiel-chan," Shinji smiled at his self-proclaimed daughter. "I truly do want a peaceful, safe, place for my children before I have any more. I hadn't intended to start just yet, though I will love them all the same." Looking around the table, he admired everyone present for a moment each, "They'll have so many good, strong, people defending them. I'll need each of you to help me, in your own ways." Stopping on the woman holding his hand, he puzzled at her thoughts, "Kyoko will be a good source of knowledge for all of us. She's very…maternal."

Her eyebrow raised challengingly, "Maternal?" Without releasing his hand, she turned to face him more fully, "Oh really?"

"I…uhm…yes?" Confusion once more visited its good friend Shinji Ikari, sitting on his shoulders and laughing at the chaos around it. "You, uh, you just seem to be very comfortable comforting everyone. You're warm, friendly, positive. You've stepped into a strange new situation with my family, and are…sitting by my side…just…." He could feel himself drowning, and closed his mouth to stem the tide.

"I," she began quietly, "am _not_ , your mother." Gesturing towards Leliel, "I am not _her_ mother. Just because I am _a_ mother, does not mean I am, or was, successful at it. What I am doing, _Mausbärchen_ , clearly eludes you." Her voice became stronger, carrying hints of irritation along with it, "Though I doubt it escapes anyone else at this table. Your self-imposed delusions regarding your standing in other's eyes needs to come to a halt. Should that require more hands-on training, I will be more than glad to educate you."

"Love him to death," Bardiel sighed, her mask showing bemusement. "Kind of an idiot."

 _Do not judge him poorly, brothers and sisters,_ Ramiel urged everyone. _Please, recall those lives where pain and suffering was all he knew. A whipped dog sees only the slap, despite an offered palm of comfort._

 _The Wanderer has no time to remain ignorant or complacent,_ Arael shook herself. _Tabris will require far more than warm platitudes and group consensus. He will strike at where we are weakest._ The White Raven stamped her foot several times, securing her perch, _She speaks the truth, it must end._

"Perhaps taking him aside," Ireul placed her napkin atop her plate. "Instead of in front of the children?"

"That," Kyoko gestured with her free hand towards the Aspect of Terror as she stood, "is maternal. Come." Pulling him out of his seat and towards the Realm of Terror, Kyoko showed no fear in taking charge of the situation and his direction. _What, in all of this,_ she turned and walked backwards gesturing at her clothing, _screams 'Maternal', hmm?_ Switching her grip easily, she kept him moving faster and faster, her feet matching him step for step.

Finding himself dancing along, Shinji couldn't stop himself from taking the lead, guided by instinct and training, _I…I just…._

Twirling and twisting with energetic enthusiasm, the woman who had been a prisoner far too long threw herself into their actions as passionately as she had their conversation, _You just nothing, Shinji. That's your problem. I am not guiding this dance, am I? Conditioned to lead, you've led. Expected to take charge, you've engaged. Yet, despite having that lead well in hand, you do_ nothing _with it!_

 _I…but,_ hefting her up into a lift, he made the three twisting stutter-steps expected and set her back onto her feet, stopping the dance dead. "What are you trying to say? How is this related to what I thought was a compliment, instead of…however it came out?"

"I want you to kill my husband," not allowing him to dodge, she kept the pressure on him to think. "What can I offer you in exchange? What do I have, that you want?" Taking both of his hands up, she crossed her arms and kept hold of him, "And don't tell me 'nothing'. Everyone has their price, and I am rather serious in my request."

Somehow, during their dance, her blouse had several buttons come undone, exposing both cleavage and the fact that she had a preference for intricate lace. His angle on her, by virtue of the complicated armlock she'd managed to trick him into, meant that if he looked at her, he saw what she was displaying with _supreme_ clarity. His head, as expected, snapped back up to look at the ceiling, "Y-you're…uhm, you are showing…."

"I know what I am showing, thank you," there was neither derision nor deviation in her song. "It, apparently, is as compelling as I believed you'd find it. Kindly look at me when I am speaking to you."

"But, but I…." His foot felt the pressure of her stomping her heel on it, "Don't, please," looking down just barely enough to try and meet her requirement, he winced, "you're going to hurt yourself, and I don't feel pain easily."

"Further down," her eyes showed neither remorse nor compromise. Placing her lip between her teeth, she demonstrably bit down, "Ohr ah whill hurr myshef." When his head quickly tipped the rest of the way down she smiled, pleased, "You see? Simple. Tell me now, do you, or do you not, enjoy the view?"

Anger began to grow, his left eye warming, "You too?!"

"You shove that temper right back where it came from," she flared. Uncowed as the flame grew, she pulled him closer, "What is your problem?! Nobody is asking you to run around sleeping with _everyone_. Nobody is asking you to just go from woman to woman down the street making dreams come true. They are asking you to enjoy their love, you absolute child! Answer my question, do you enjoy the view?"

"Yes!" The fire poured from his eyes, scalding his face, "All right? Are you happy now? I'm attracted to my best friend's dead mother! Another woman tied to my soul. Another beautiful, brilliant, woman that I'm imagining naked and sweaty like I'm some kind of demented animal! Are you happy? Are you?!"

"Actually I'm thrilled," calm once again, she smiled contentedly. When he blinked, caught off guard by her rapid emotional shifts, she wrinkled her nose cutely, "You, of anyone on this planet, understand how horrible it is to be torn between two worlds. To be both alive, and dead. To know, in your soul, that you have been betrayed by everyone who should have loved you unconditionally, yet to have undying love for those who would do nothing but harm you. I watched as you died inside of Unit-01, as your soul writhed in agonizing torment for so long, living through whatever nightmarish visions they forced upon you." Bunching him closer, she let her pain show through, "I, similarly, have spent thirteen years by human reckoning in Unit-02's soul, with only intermittent periods where I was connected to my daughter, Shinji. Think, for just a moment, about that statement."

The azure glow dimmed slowly, "The…the time dilation." His eyes widened, "H-how long?"

"Centuries…millennia…who knows," she shrugged, her smile remaining placid. "Without touch. Without human contact beyond my daughter ignoring my cries. Hope died long, long ago. I went mad…for a time, I think. Suddenly, out of nowhere, there you are. Poof! Ein Traum. Ein Geschenk. _Hoffnung_. An end to the torment, sitting inside of my very being." Her song soothed as he stopped struggling and instead tilted closer to her, "You haven't heard my voice, because you weren't allowed to just climb into Unit-02 at random. But I have heard you. I felt you. Your soul caressed me with the warmth you felt on thinking of me. When you touched it as you walked past, letting your hand linger on my body and praying that I protected Asuka one more time, I cried out that I would. That I would fight as hard as possible if you would just talk to me more, just _touch me_." Tears stood unshed as she trembled, "When she failed you, as Sahaquiel fell from the sky, I wanted to tear her throat out. Her arrogant bravado, her childish anger at poor Rei Ayanami's closeness to you, meant that she wasn't paying attention to her footing. That she had blocked me out meant that she didn't hear my warning. And you were gone. Vanished. I was alone, again, as your soul disappeared. My hopes for even that much human contact crushed beneath my daughter's petulant idiocy."

Freeing one arm, and wrapping it around her, then the other to lift her up so that she could hug him around his neck, he let his own tears fall with hers, "Yes…I guess I do understand at that." With her seated on his forearm, in the crook of his elbow, he kept his hand limp so that he wasn't fondling her inappropriately, which proved enough of an irritant that she kicked him in the torso. "I see where she gets her temper, too."

"Her father, actually," Kyoko snorted. "This…isn't how I was. Berühre mich, Mausbärchen. If your living wives wish to be angered that you comforted a woman who has been dead over a decade, that has spent more years alone than any but you could know, they deserve neither your comforts nor your solace. I'm not asking you to take me to bed, just to let me feel _something_."

Rotating his wrist, he cupped her hip and rear gently, "That's…as far as I'll go. F-for now."

"It's wonderful," she kissed his cheek, sitting back to look at him while keeping her wrists by his neck. "Thank you. Now," a cleansing breath followed, "what do I need to give you to have you rip my husband's pathetic manhood from his body and install it in his throat while he chokes to death on his own rancid filth?"

Choking back a laugh, he shook his head with a sigh, "We'll negotiate a reasonable price, after we've handled the last two Angels." He could play along with a joke.

"Oh it doesn't have to be reasonable," she replied brightly, not intending the discussion to be humorous in the slightest. "Just something I have. I want this more than anything else you could possibly imagine. You might not know it, but I'm both German and Japanese, so there is honestly very little you could ask for that would possibly begin to bother me."

+++++ Author's Notes:

JaceSterne: RE: Shinji's love.

He wants so desperately to do what's right by these poor women that are forced to be with a man who loves them to distraction, who feels they deserve more and better than anything he could ever give them. He's trapped in a negative feedback cycle that's perpetuated by his ethical and moral framework being rigidly inflexible. The worst part is, many would say he's right to rail against this, some of that many being close allies of his.

SK: RE: Taking turns.

So how does a double-helix and a bird settle their disagreement on order of appearance? Because rock-paper-scissors is out. Flipping a coin where there's no local gravity doesn't work. It's a quandary.

origamishishou: RE: 189.

Oh, duh. Boy did I have a moment there where the obvious was overlooked.


	125. Chapter 125

+++++ 15th Angel + 0: Thursday (119)

Back in the physical world once again, Shinji could sense that someone had made a sensible decision and allowed only one visitor for the moment. Without opening his eyes, he reached over and took Kodama's hand, "How many people needed medical care?"

"No one," her response was equally surprised and relieved. "There was barely any shaking in the room we were taken to. Captain Ozaki managed to keep both Nozomi-chan and Sakura-chan laughing with an amazingly kid-friendly comedy routine. She must have a niece or a nephew for all of the children's shows she was able to quote off the top of her head."

"That's good." Slowly opening his eyes, he reached up with his other hand and scrubbed his hair out of his face, "Things…." Noticing a white raven suddenly perched on the foot of his bed, he frowned, "Arael?"

 _You require far more assistance than the dead woman alone can provide. Until you are no longer acting irrationally, I believe it is best that I remain where I may intercede in any poor decisions._ Hopping up onto the railing separating him and Kodama, she jumped closer to the busty nurse, _You._ Considering her curiously, she clacked her beak a few times, _Why do you wish to deny Creation's aims?_

"I…don't?" Shifting so that she was closer to Shinji and further from the odd new Aspect, Kodama scowled in reply, "I don't even know what it wants, how could I intentionally deny anything?"

 _Hmm,_ the bird seemed to feel the point well made. _You are opposed to providing him with an heir. This is contrary to your position as one of the few chosen._

"Arael." Shinji had pushed himself into a seated position, and was looming close to the Aspect of Birds, "I am not going to push any of my wives into having children. I'm not even certain that _I_ want to have more children. I don't care what Creation wants, the only people that matter in this discussion are me and whomsoever would have children with me."

The White Raven was unfazed, stating simply, _Irrational._

"Baby," choosing to ignore the bird, in the hopes that it would go away, "what did she mean by 'the dead woman alone'?"

Keeping his eyes on the Aspect, he felt his jaw clench, "That…is a family discussion. I'd really rather not have to repeat myself several times, please."

"Ok," soothing his arm, she tugged his chin towards her with the other hand and gave him the heartbreaking smile she was capable of. "I understand. Now, discharge was left up to me, considering you requested to take a nap. Are you feeling up to moving? There was little external damage to anything, and so most everyone else was sent home to get some sleep. It's only…." She looked for the clock in the room, "Five in the morning. I feel great, so we could go find Misato, Maya, and Ritsuko. I think they were working on something involving Unit-02, they asked that unless it was health-related that nobody bother them. Akane and Mikoto are outside the room, taking turns napping I'd guess. Nicolette went to check in on Jake-san."

"It is…you said 'most everyone else', and then listed six people, plus you, that aren't at home." Moving the barrier down so he could climb out of bed easier, "Every time I think I'm closer to understanding how we're making this work, someone says something and I'm right back at square one."

 _I admit I have been somewhat curious as to the capacity for sharing myself,_ Kyoko's voice sounded gently. _Your particular threshold for jealousy makes sense, from a biological evolutionary perspective. You simply wish to know that there is no room for debate as to the genetic lineage of your offspring. Theirs, on the other hand, is rather odd. This one, as an example, could easily have any ten men she laid her eyes on. Beautiful frame, well-kept hair, charming eye color, a pleasant voice, seeming intelligence. She's a prize on any market, and yet she's willingly sharing you. I can see where you've had a difficult time internalizing matters._

Kodama's eyes widened, "Shinji…who is that?" Pointing behind him, she drew his eyes back to what she felt to be a strange woman that appeared out of nowhere.

 _Hello dear,_ Kyoko bowed politely. _A pleasure to meet you. My name is Kyoko Zeppelin Soryu._

The physical similarities between mother and daughter made the connection easy to see, "Y-you're…."

 _Dead. It's quite all right, I've been that way for…a rather long time._ Tilting her head slightly, she kept her calm smile, _Shouldn't you introduce yourself? It's only polite._

"Kyoko," Shinji gently restrained Kodama in her seat, "this is Kodama Ikari. My wife, or one of them, rather. I believe, however, that she's noticed your relation to a certain redhead that she doesn't get along with too well."

 _Oh. Well, that does make more sense._ Kyoko's laugh was warm and friendly, _She didn't seem too opposed to Arael-chan showing up out of nowhere. I was slightly confused as to why she should suddenly be afraid of me!_ Looking around the hospital room, her smile faded, _I really would like to leave, though. Perhaps meet your other wives? It's only appropriate for me to introduce myself to them, all things considered._

Kodama looked increasingly concerned, "Shinji?"

"Family discussion. This…was what I'd wanted to not have to repeat myself on." Sighing, he gestured to the door, "You head on home, I'll grab whoever is here, we'll get this done all at once." When Arael flapped her wings and alighted on his left shoulder, he eyed the Aspect sidelong, "Don't scare people. Leaving it so my family can see you is fine. Everyone else, no."

 _A fair precaution._ Arranging herself much as Phobos or Deimos would, she was less statue-like and seemed to enjoy having to shift her balance as he moved along.

Pulling the door open, Shinji gestured the ladies through. It was going to be an exceedingly long day, but he had things he'd promised to do in addition to the things he had to do. As tired as he was of being interrupted by everything, he was even more disgusted in himself by not being able to keep promises.

+++++ 15th Angel + 0: Thursday (119)

"I'm telling you, whatever that Angel did it emptied out Unit-02's core!" Ritsuko slapped the table as Shinji opened the door to Maya's lab, "I don't know how. I don't know _why_. But we are now down to a single, functional, Eva!" Catching sight of the man she loved, the former blonde blinked in confusion, "Why did Asuka dye her…oh. Oh no."

Kozo Fuyutsuki, unable to see what those tied to Shinji's soul could, retained his calm despite the continually escalating oddities surrounding his organization, "I should thank you, Shinji-kun. The good Doctor has been rather loquacious the past several hours, and you showing up seems to have given me a chance to hear my own thoughts again."

 _Professor Fuyutsuki. A rather interesting individual, was very fond of your mother actually._ Kyoko walked boldly into the room, looking at the various items and formulae written on nearby boards, _We have met once already, Akagi-chan. Though I do admit it was more than a decade ago as you would remember it._ Pausing close to Maya, she seemed surprised, _You, my dear, are far more powerful up close._ Bowing politely, she opened her mouth to introduce herself before being cut off by Ritsuko's next barrage of statements.

The statuesque scientist sat down heavily in a fortunately placed chair, "Shinji, you are a dear, wonderful, man who I am overjoyed to know considers me even remotely worth loving, but do you have _any_ idea what you have done?! Without her in Unit-02's core, we can't engage the Eva at all! It won't respond to Asuka's commands, even if we did manage to put in another core! What could have possibly possessed you to pull Doctor Soryu out before we'd defeated the Angels? You _know_ how they work! I taught you myself!"

 _It is a pleasure to meet you, Doctor,_ Maya bowed professionally to the bemused spirit before her. _I am Maya Ikari, as I'm sure you know. Please forgive my colleague, she's a bit wound up about your sudden freedom._

"…Doctor Soryu?" Kozo looked in the general direction Maya was directing her attention, "She's alive? Or…I should say, 'whole'? The last information I had was that her Contact Experiment should have split her soul into two halves." There was anger beneath his words, "The official story was that her husband attempted to free her…never believed that tripe, but the investigations I've seen were all inconclusive."

 _Hah! That arrogant, self-centered pig of a man couldn't care less that I was shoved in the plug. When I came out half sane, he…._ Shivering, she looked away, _He tried to see what uses I might still have, before giving up when I was no more pliant than before._ Huffing, she turned back to Maya, _Might you help me convince your husband to murder him, dear? He's being rather evasive regarding what I might do to repay him the favor._

 _I'm afraid there's little I can do, Doctor. He's very gentle at heart, as you probably know._ "Doctor Soryu says her husband was rather abusive after her contact experiment, sir." Looking to her own husband, she tilted her head, "Perhaps we should let Shinji explain?"

"The short version is Asuka tried to knock me out of contact with Arael's beam," he gestured to his shoulder, where the White Raven was perched for all but one present to see. "Kyoko, aware that one or the other of the souls tied into Unit-02 at the time would end up instead tied to me, took action to shield her daughter from suffering an incomplete bond. The end result, as you are aware, is that I now house Kyoko."

Kozo, mentally spry despite his age, blew out a breath explosively, "She always was eager to defend her little girl." Shaking his head, he looked down to the floor, "We will have to direct all of our resources to improving Unit-01's armoring. Lead Pilot Ikari will take the brunt of our defense from here on out, we'll find something in Science for Pilot Soryu, pending her decision on retirement."

"I…think I have a better solution," Shinji hesitated to go into full detail. "But I kind of need to take my family home, sir. If this works, and everyone agrees, we can put Unit-02 back into play. At least, Kyoko and several of my Aspects feel that the idea should work. It's…uh…complicated." He didn't want to get into the personal relationships involved in front of his Commander. It wasn't that he felt Kozo would belittle him, only that it was awkward to discuss.

"Then that's where you are headed, folks," the Commanding Officer of NERV Tokyo-3 gestured firmly to the door, placing public and unqualified trust in the young man who'd done nothing but earn both constantly. "Brief me once we know the plan. If this can recover our fighting capacity, then there is no higher priority." His eyes flicked back to his best asset, "Will you require the Sub-Commander too?"

"Her insight is extremely useful, sir." In his opinion, the answer would always be an unqualified 'Yes', but he understood the political problems with his relationship, to say nothing of the professional issues, "I'll also…need to take Pilot Soryu. It's going to require some input from her, and some buy in."

Ritsuko puzzled at what could possibly work to reanimate the Eva, "Are we putting her back in the core?"

 _No!_ Kyoko's shout was paired with the lights in the room flickering and her disappearing and reappearing under Shinji's arm, clutching him close, _I will not go back!_

"Steady," Shinji gently soothed her upper arm. "I won't let anyone harm you, Kyoko. I promise. Rits isn't aware of everything, and is trying to piece together from what we've talked about possible solutions." Eyeing his wife, he silently urged her to back him up.

"Let's head on back to the Manor. Whatever idea Doctor Soryu and Shinji have come up with, the longer we wait the worse our security standing is." _Please, Doctor Soryu, it's ok. If my husband says he will protect you, then so will I. I look forward to hearing more of your insights into the matter, myself. You were present when much of the original Project E staff was still active, there must be so much you could share with us._ Walking calmly over as she spoke, she placed her hand on Shinji's chest, just over Kyoko's, _We're a team, now. You protected your daughter, just like my husband tries to. Right?_

The tranquility that Maya naturally exuded worked well to settle Kyoko's nerves, the willingness the tiny scientist showed to touch her despite being incapable of it pushing things that much further towards peace. The former core of Unit-02 looked up to Shinji, and nodded, _Very powerful. She seems so gentle, from a distance._

+++++ 15th Angel + 0: Thursday (119)

"Get everyone else home," Shinji stood at the junction leading to the holding cells where Asuka had been taken as punishment for disobeying more than one order. He wasn't thrilled that this was what had followed his request that she be taken from the field, but he'd grown far too much as a leader to do anything but accept that it was necessary in order to at least attempt to maintain discipline. His three agents looked past him to the cell containing a potentially 'friendly' threat, and so he once more urged them homeward, "She could not physically harm me with a firearm and access to explosives. There is nothing for you three to protect me from, save worrying about everyone else on the way home. Get them home safe, give me that peace of mind. I'll bring Two, and then we'll all talk."

Too professional to grumble where the rank and file might hear, the three instead took turns reminding him mentally that his wingman was an unknown quantity in an already precarious balancing act. Nothing was stated from a position of jealousy or anxiety for being supplanted, though it carried a clear strain of concern for losing everything because of his soft heart. Turning towards their task, after they felt he'd been duly chastened, they began loudly discussing the good time they'd had at the bar with him, reminding everyone not affiliated with him exactly who he belonged to.

 _And it was this 'Creation' that pulled all of these characters together?_ Kyoko's question was whispered towards Arael, though her intent came across clearly to Shinji.

 _That is not a simple question to answer,_ the White Raven fluffed its wings in a half shrug. _Chance and fortune have their parts, as Creation can only work with what is at hand. Too many blame it for what is inevitable, and yet not enough credit is given for making the best of what it has. It is neither as all-powerful as some believe, nor as careless as some might feel._

Shinji frowned, _Wait…you're telling me that Creation didn't force this to happen?_

Her clawed foot clenched tighter on his shoulder, _That was not what I said. You are standing awkwardly and reducing the morale of these Lilin. Deal with what is before you, not what is serving only to distract you from your goal._

Shoving his hands in his pockets, which had become a reasonable replacement for slouching, he turned and approached the guards watching the cell which contained his next dilemma. Spying the male of the two sporting a blackened eye, he prepared an apology to tack onto the greeting, "Thank you for watching after her." He first bowed to the middle-aged lady, then to the man that had clearly been the target of Asuka's attempt at escape, "I am very sorry that my subordinate did not comport herself in a professional manner. I will speak with her about her responsibility to her team."

"I'd settle for her keeping the shots above the belt," the injured guard chuckled. "We'll leave her to you, sir. The yellow button there is the one that unlocks her door. C'mon Sara, let's go fill out the rest of the paperwork."

Receiving a friendly nod from the taller, and a pat on the arm from the shorter, Shinji waited an extra moment so that he was mostly alone before closing his eyes and begging the universe to give him some strength. _Kyoko…she is not going to take this well._

 _She needs to grow up, Shinji. Things happen that we don't want to happen. We don't always get what we want. Sometimes we get things we wouldn't choose, but they end up being something we enjoy in the long run._ The elder Soryu gestured to the button, _I am mature enough to say without blaming anyone but my ex-husband that I would rather have never left her side. That I wish I could have been the mother she needed so desperately. I could have demanded you yell at Professor Fuyutsuki for me, for not working harder to protect her from what happened in Germany. Insisted you find your father and berate him for not doing more to keep you safe. Those would be the actions of a child._

 _Perhaps, Wanderer, you could take her advice and apply it towards yourself, as well._ Arael batted his jaw with her wing, _What you have before you is what you are given. What you do with it is what matters, not its source nor its destination. Life will change, life_ is _change. Accept that change and do what is right. The rest will sort itself out in time._

 _She's also asking me to emasculate and throttle Asuka's father to death. What is right for others is not always what's right for me._ Reaching for the door, he shook off the conversation, _Let's get this over with._ Not used to opening the doors on this floor from the other side, he forgot to check that the individual in the holding cell wasn't simply waiting for a chance to either escape or brawl. Ultimately, it was his inhuman reaction speed that saved him, as Asuka was unable to move anywhere near as quickly as either of his more combat-oriented wives.

With her fist caught and held fast, the redheaded merchant of death realized who she'd taken a swing at and blushed bright red, "I…hi." Excuses for trying to swing at what she thought was a guard and protests that she had been treated unfairly all offered themselves eagerly to her, such was written plainly across her face, and all were discarded in exchange for that much weaker greeting.

"Did you have to hit them?" He let disappointment color his words as he let her retract her hand, "You're better than that, Two. It was childish, and beneath you."

Her natural instincts kicked in, when faced with something she didn't want, "He got handsy!"

The lie was obvious, even without his unnatural talents, "No. He didn't."

While Asuka fought against the current reality, her mother instead lamented it. _I love her dearly, Shinji. This is why I had hoped you two might become closer. She needs someone who won't put up with her nonsense. She needs someone who is strong enough to tell her when she's being an idiot. Who can weather her stupidity and help her see the better paths forward._ Kyoko's hand hovered over her daughter's cheek, her desire to touch destined to remain unfulfilled, _She has so much to offer you, as well. She's determined to defend you, and she's prone to muttering in the entry plug about how she'll not put up with you waffling. It would have been wonderful…if she wasn't too immature to appreciate it until it was too late. Too much of her father._

"We need to talk." Noticing that she was still in her plugsuit, he changed the plan a bit, "Let's get to your room, and I'll carry your stuff to the showers so it doesn't get covered in LCL."

Shinji should not be blamed for missing the obvious reason for Asuka's sudden mood swing, mistaking what she thought he meant for what he had actually intended. Her face shone with eager happiness as she responded with a simple, "Ok!" Starting off down the corridor, she waved urgently for him to follow, "Come on, let's go!"

 _He does not see it._ Arael commented to Kyoko, who walked by his side with her hand hooked on his arm, _This explains much._

 _To be fair, he's simply very honest. Even innocent, despite what you've told me life has done to him._ The former core of Unit-02 shrugged, unwilling to explain anything more, to see how long the potential misunderstanding would ride. _That has been abused, I believe, by many of the people surrounding him._

"What are you looking for?" Asuka drew his attention back to her, where she felt it belonged. When his jaw clenched, she became anxious, "Are they upset that you're not yelling at me? Can they really tell what you're doing even all this way?"

"One of my Aspects," he left the other half of the distraction unstated for the moment, "reminded me that what I said could be taken more than one way. She believes that you're thinking I'll be joining you in the shower. I know that you're simply happy to _take_ a shower. Semi-gummy dried-on LCL is one of the worst feelings ever, and until I convinced Misato that we needed to talk she was going to let you deal with it for another eighteen hours, at least." The disappointment that suddenly invaded her song bounced around his face as a variety of emotional responses before he settled on, "I told you, Two. No one outside of my soul. I am not going to break the rules…willingly." _I broke some of the rules already, technically. And 'technically' doesn't make the rules any less broken._

Frowning as her daughter looked guiltily away and moved slightly apart from Shinji, Kyoko assured him, _It isn't your fault_. _Had I not acted, she would be tangled with Eve in your soul forever. One way or another, because of my daughter, you were gaining an extra passenger._

 _You would have been a part of it regardless,_ Arael clarified. _What I had done was intended to pierce through his soul to the truths within. Had I chosen your daughter to peer through instead, without my mother present to shield her, and The Wanderer decided to act in a similar capacity, you would have suffered the same fate. It is less apt to say you made a choice, than to say that you aided my mother in protecting your daughter._

After they reached her dorm room, Asuka walked in, expecting Shinji to follow. He, on the other hand, did not want to either presume or mislead, "May I come in?"

The look she gave him defied simple descriptions. There was irritation and sorrow, anger and frustration, pain and loss, all muddled together with a simple, "Sure."

Gesturing to a towel, he offered his services as pack mule, "I can use that to carry everything so I'm not touching things I shouldn't, if that's ok?"

Her eyes faded towards regret, and her voice followed suit, "Whatever." Snatching up a washcloth, she threw what she would need as far as clothing went into the center of the towel, not shy about leaving her bra and panties laying atop everything else. Two bottles followed, and she motioned for him to do as he'd said, "Let's get this over with."

As he moved to follow her, a makeshift sack created out of the towel to hide its contents from prying eyes, Kyoko scowled at her daughter, _Why are you letting her act like you owe her anything? I heard perfectly well what you said, right before the battle, and you aren't wrong. She remembers clearly you trying to encourage her to make friends with your wives. She even remembers you asking her to play nice. Or the other night, when you saved her from completely destroying the chance you gave her. You are the only reason she's even being considered! Yet she acts like this._ Agony infused her words, _She needed a mother to teach her to be a woman, and I was stolen from her._

Surreptitiously grabbing the spirit's hand and stuffing it with his in his pocket, he held onto her where the action wouldn't be obvious, _I do it because I do love her. She needs understanding, like you, like Tsuru, like Leliel, like most all of the women I know. I understand that she's hurting, I'm hurting too. Talking to her right now won't do anything but upset her, and so I take what she's giving me._

Arael clacked her beak, _She has played her role. If you truly wished for her company, you would fight for it. Creation knows._

"I just want everyone to be happy," he muttered out loud, old habits kicking in at an inopportune moment.

Taking the bundle from him, at the door to the lockers designated for the lady pilots, Asuka looked up at him with the same intensity she often displayed while they were living together with Misato, "That isn't possible. Eventually, all of those pretty women you've gathered around you are going to grow bitter, one by one. Unsatisfied with only a piece of the man they love, they _will_ go looking for someone that can love them and only them." Touching his lips with her fingers to silence him, she shook her head, "They'll leave you all alone, eventually. Better that you just deal with it now, rather than have it hang over your head."

 _They will not,_ Arael stated without any concern as the redheaded pilot walked alone into the lockers, the door whispering shut behind her. _Should you like, I can give you the exact reasons why they will not._

Setting his fist against the wall gently, Shinji leaned heavily against the surface to stop himself from destroying anything, _Because Creation won't let them? Because their will is not their own?!_ Pulling back without realizing he had done so, his fist was cocked to eradicate whatever it connected with, _Because I'm-_

Kyoko stood in mid-air beside him suddenly, holding his fist lightly, _Beruhigen, meine kleine Mausbärchen. She is winding you up, hoping that you dance to her tune._ Tugging his arm back down with soft, tender motions, she smiled at him with the same understanding he so often saw from Maya, the same others saw from him. Once she was back on the ground, she placed his fist against her upper chest below her throat and held it tight with a small grin of understanding, _You aim your anger at yourself first, so eager to see the worst in yourself without ever considering that others are awful to you. Listen to Arael-chan, let her tell you her reasons. For me?_

To anyone looking, it would seem as if he was touching the wall, and so he let her hold him still, _What about you?_ He'd listen to the Aspect, in a moment…when he was calmer. _Don't you want what she just described? How are you going to feel, a thousand years from now, when I'm busy helping Rose fix the engines on the_ [Song] _and have no time to spend with you? What good is a friend that isn't there when you need him?_

 _You aren't only my friend, though,_ maturity shone through in the way she kept pushing him to see beyond his anxieties. _You're my anchor. You're my home. You're my chance to be a woman again, instead of a weapon. These aren't one-way burdens, either. I'm_ your _friend. I can be your sounding board. I can go into your soul and spend years speaking with little Gaghiel-kun, and come back to give you advice on how to handle a situation in what you will feel is minutes! And if, despite what Arael-chan tells you, everyone else leaves? I never will. We will always have each other, and so if nothing else she said was wrong? That is. I_ can't _leave, and I'm_ not _upset about that._

 _She speaks the truth,_ Arael stomped on his shoulder, drawing his attention back to her. _She, of all of the women Creation has surrounded you with, is the one that can_ never _leave. That she views that as a comfort, instead of a burden, is because you are so open regarding your emotions. You want her to have a happy existence, and will bend your efforts to that end. As a human, that is reassuring. As a woman, that is fulfilling. The others live with similar mindsets, though different perspectives. They will not seek out others to sate their lusts, because that would cost them the other aspects of their lives that provide them comforts. Sacrificing one portion of their freedom to gain immense freedoms in each other realm is a sensible, logical, trade off. They will find solace in one another, friendship that you are incapable of understanding, during those times that they become discontent with you. The women Creation has set before you are not irrational beings, and so long as you remain who you are at your core they will choose the optimal path forward. Lead, and they will follow._

Kyoko patted his wrist, _You feel yourself the person responsible for your relationships, even if you've accepted that they have a right to ask for more intimacy. Ireul-chan was very clear in explaining to me while we spoke that you have an incredibly stunted view of sexuality, and that a version of Asuka is responsible for much of that. But what you're missing, still, is the support network they've constructed amongst themselves. They're all at home, not breathlessly awaiting your return, but likely talking amongst themselves! What they hope to do tonight. Who might need help with laundry. What that bastard in their office said to them. How to solve the three body problem. A million and one topics that have nothing to do with you, or your absence or presence. This…plan, of theirs to draw out your libido? They might have had more luck instead showing you how they interact with one another when you're not around. Put you at ease, so that you could more readily accept that they want to fuck the man they love like it's their last day on Earth._

 _To more readily accept, as she says, that he wishes to do the same,_ batting him with her wings again, the White Raven emphasized her point. _Your contention that they will regret this time, should you somehow defy reality and grant them freedom? That is even more fanciful than the thought you might ever succeed in separating your souls. You are not what you see in the mirror. They see someone far different than you, and unlike you, they do not lack vision. Their needs are met, their bodies fed, sheltered, adored. Their thoughts listened to, considered, and responded to. Whatever they desire, you can create or purchase. Whenever they feel unsafe, you can defend and shelter them._

 _Maslow's Hierarchy of needs is entirely checked off around you,_ Asuka's mother continued. _Your history has blinded you to the happiness they feel when you're not around. And it's not_ because _you're not around, it's because you will eventually return. You are the star they orbit, and even when they're facing away from you, they can feel your warmth and pull still._

 _The barycenter,_ Shinji recalled the conversation over dinner, where Rose clarified his impact on their lives. His temper dulled again, he opened his hand and cupped her collarbone and throat, _I…I guess having you in my ear is a good thing after all. I should know all of this, but it's all…._

 _You are irrational,_ Arael preened her feathers quickly. _That makes it challenging for you to see reason. We will address this. Failure to will result in our destruction, which I do not desire._

 _None of us do,_ Kyoko agreed. _I've found a life again. I will not let it go without a fight._

+++++ 15th Angel + 0: Thursday (119)

Kozo took no pleasure in delivering the news, and was uncomfortable in the way Shinji had seemed to either gloss over or ignore the logical conclusion to the situation as a whole. However, whatever evils Gendo Ikari had done in his life, they were all performed in the hopes of eventually reuniting with his wife. The possibility that Yui Ikari was not within Unit-01 had been theorized, after Shinji had reached true synchronization with the beast, but the likelihood was now a near certainty. Watching one of the most driven, powerful, men he'd ever known sit back with a pained, lost, look brought forth a well of pity he'd thought long dry, "I have directed a more thorough investigation of Unit-01's core…for what good that will do. She's always been unique, and whatever madness has bloomed around your son may have changed things more radically than we can tell with our sciences."

"Je suis désolé pour ta perte," Philip was many things himself, but never intentionally harsh. He admired Shinji for the natural way in which the young man avoided such terrible displays, and recognized in him what he himself wished to be. The old general couldn't rightly say he understood the mechanisms by which Yui Ikari might have been returned to the living, if she were even truly dead, but if that hope was gone then offering condolences only seemed right.

Gendo, looking down at his glasses in his hands, had suddenly been cast adrift. The lodestone by which he'd guided everything for over a decade was now all but completely gone. Her soul departed to wherever such things left when no longer controlled by the machinations of mankind. "Doctor Zeppelin Soryu…she speaks to him?"

"He was consoling her, when Akagi mentioned possibly putting her back into the core of Unit-02. Whatever happened within the core, she is still human enough to experience fear, and to instinctively latch onto salvation in the form of your son." The old professor was proud of Shinji for demanding that there would be no further torture of the woman, even if it meant he took on the entirety of the defense of mankind himself. It put paid to their efforts to do the dark deeds they had performed of late, showed that he was still the beacon of light the world needed.

"That's…good. He's…he's not cruel." Dropping his eyewear onto the table and his face into his hands, the former commander of NERV Tokyo-3 took a steadying breath…then began to cry, "She's gone. He wasn't…wasn't lying to me, to hurt me. What…what was…what was the point?"

+++++ 15th Angel + 0: Thursday (119)

The ride home, with one of the drivers from Bravo Company, was an odd mixture of strained silence and easy conversation. Shinji, interested to know how the young private felt about what had been happening around camp, asked a variety of questions to help put the enlisted member at ease. She responded eagerly, about her home, her hopes for her career, how her father was always excited to receive a letter or a call home. Having lost her mother to cancer, she hoped to continue on the path of medicine once she'd earned enough money for college and gained the discipline military life would provide. His response that he remembered her letter, and had asked a few people to get in touch, provoked a happy laugh and a story about how a corpsman aboard the First Fleet had sent her a letter over the MAGI system, asking some pointed questions about her MOS and potential cross-training opportunities.

Her attempts, infrequent as they were, to include Asuka in the conversation were met with indifference at best, and acrimony as they continued. The private, well aware that Shinji wasn't interested, wasn't engaged in what the redhead felt to be casual flirting. Friendly joviality and camaraderie were being misinterpreted, and even Shinji himself was aware that such was all that was occurring. When the vehicle reached the gate, he waved off the offer of dropping him on his doorstep, and instead asked to be let out where he was. Reaching up to the front seat as Asuka climbed out to grip the private's shoulder, he stated loud enough to be heard, "I appreciate the chance to hear a field report, Private. Please, pursue that chance to become a corpsman if your grades are good enough. They've patched me up more than once, and I can't think of a more noble profession than healing." Stepping out of his seat, the NCO holding the door open accepting his nod of greeting, he intentionally looked around, "Lot of folks from Bravo this morning. Glad to know my family is in good hands, Sergeant."

"Third Squad has this corner locked down tight, Paladin," closing the door firmly, the man waited until the driver had reversed the vehicle and driven off. "If I may?" More than a handful of years older than Shinji's body, with a mean, stocky build, he leaned forward and lowered his voice, "Thanks for getting rid of our old LT. He was a pompous jackass, and I almost caught him twice near the female billets. Heard we're getting a new officer in soon, we'll make sure they're squared away. Just wanted to make sure to thank you for cleaning up where you found trash. Makes it easier to motivate the little ones, if you take my meaning."

The thought of what Lieutenant Hoshi did still boiled Shinji's blood, though the knowledge that the people beneath that failure of an officer were glad to see the back of him improved his mood, "You see anything untoward, Sergeant, pass it on through my EA, if you can't find me. I will not have people like him around Nozomi-chan or Sakura-chan, and if I have to evict them myself you will find I have a good throwing arm." Borrowing something he'd heard often enough to understand, he added, "Hooah?"

"Hooah, sir," the NCO's smile was as mean as his face. Nothing but positivity radiated from the man, though, which meant that his features were simply an unfortunate trick of biology. Stepping back, he waved to the fence's operator, "Ok, lift the gate and let the man go through!"

With his hands in his pockets, and Kyoko once more on his arm, Shinji walked towards his house at a pace that Asuka set. Whether she hadn't brought up her Eva locking up intentionally, or simply felt that it was a 'freak event', he'd not managed to have any of the pre-conversation he'd intended to. Her mood was both prickly and erratic, and preventing a public meltdown rated higher than preparing her for what they had to discuss. If she couldn't keep herself together after she discovered the truth, at least she was in his home where he could manage the fallout. Possibly do more to promote peace…. _Promotions._

Turning back around, Shinji moved to make certain he hadn't missed out on another promise he'd made, "Sergeant?" Waiting on the opposing side of the gate, he let the NCO come closer before asking with a hint of anxiety, "I didn't miss the promotion ceremony, did I? That's still planned for today?"

"Unknown, sir. I'll send an interrogative up the chain, get you a response to your house ASAP. Takeshi!" Turning away, the NCO set about putting paid to his word, freeing Shinji to move back towards the house. Kiyoshi had everyone's phone numbers, and would send a text message as appropriate, he could trust them.

 _A promotion ceremony?_ Kyoko floated easily at his side, testing out her boundaries as an incorporeal being, _Have you taken to spending a great deal of time around the military? Considering a career after the Angels are dealt with, perhaps?_

 _No, no,_ he kept his head still, not wanting to set Asuka off. _The Commander of Alpha Company has become a great friend of my household, and she was recently promoted. The official ceremony was scheduled for today, and I asked if I could observe. That changed to 'participate', owing to my standing as a Duke. Since the 'battle', if we're calling it that, with Arael did very little damage to the surrounding areas, I'm hoping that they're going to proceed with the ceremony. Kiyoshi said there were several others that I might be able to pin their rank on as well, people that have asked for me personally to._

The White Raven on his shoulder seemed pleased, _He is taking his role with increasing seriousness. This is good. You ought to consider formalizing your position further, Wanderer. The Lilin must look to you as more than a man, if they are to survive._

 _Survive?_ The door popping open distracted him from the point of discussion, Nozomi and Sakura hurrying out to see him alive and well. Crouching down to accept hugs, he was only just aware of Asuka's impatience, "Oh, it's good to see you two too!" Laughing as he picked them up into a tighter embrace, he tested how Sakura's pain threshold had changed, "You see? I'm just fine. Arael-san didn't mean to hurt me, and I just needed a quick nap to get used to my new size."

"You did get bigger, nii-san," the sole remaining Suzuhara's smile was relieved and comforted. "We were worried that you might need another long recovery, that we wouldn't be able to see you."

Nozomi continued to play her role expertly, "I told her that Hikari-nee-san wouldn't just tell us that you'd be home soon just to make us feel better. She knew that you were ok, and she was letting us know. Sakura-chan doesn't have as much experience though, so it makes sense that she'd worry. But you're here now, and we can take another nap before breakfast!"

Carrying them through the door into the Manor, he clicked his tongue in mock irritation, "Did you two not sleep like you were told you should?" Pretending with a half-smile to frown, he huffed, "What am I going to do with you two, hmm?"

The younger of the two, ever the scamp, grinned with glee, "You could buy us ice cream?"

"Or…maybe take a bath with us?" Sakura asked hopefully.

His heart was full, his little sisters safe, "I'll see what I can do. For now, though," he carefully set them down, "I'd like you two to go take that nap. It will be another hour and a half before breakfast, and we're going to be busy today. You need your energy." Receiving a kiss on each cheek, though with far more trepidation from Sakura then Nozomi, he smiled and waved as they hurried off to do as they were asked.

 _That was the most adorable thing I have seen in ages._ Kyoko's voice rang with motherly adoration, _Are they somehow family? Or did you just adopt a pair of angels because they had no one to call their own?_

"You're just making it harder on them," Asuka murmured, lingering nearby. "When this all falls apart, they'll take it the hardest. You know that just as well as I do."

 _Would you kindly slap my daughter for me?_ Her tone shifted easily back to anger, _You are not her father, or your own! You wouldn't abandon them, and she's going too far._

"Two," he stood, retaining his calm through sheer willpower, "if all I ever am is a fond memory for them, then I want that memory to be as full as possible. They are my responsibility, until the day I die, or they choose otherwise, and I will not distance myself out of fear that my death will possibly harm them less for that distance. Should Hikari and Kodama choose someone else, I will still seek to improve Nozomi-chan's life. Whatever Sakura-chan decides, I will carry her father's duty with me until I am no longer allowed to. Now please," he gestured to the front room, where several groups of women were engaged in conversations waiting for him to finish entering the home, "I will be with you in a moment."

 _That wasn't a slap._ Kyoko sighed, _Shinji, she's being a bitch. You can't 'nice' your way through things with her. She needs a firm hand, or she'll just continue to do what she's doing, which is scuttling everything because she can't have exactly what she wants. You're treating her as if she's reasonable, I assure you she is anything but._

Walking slower than his fellow pilot, Shinji shook his head, _I'm not going to feed her negativity, Kyoko. Not until she pushes me too far, far enough that I can't control myself. She's setting herself up for the rejection she believes is coming, which is going to allow her to feel she was right when it happens. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy, something I have some familiarity with unfortunately._ The image of his feet dangling, and the roots of a tree, grasped his mind like the fist of a titan, causing him to stumble and nearly trip, holding onto the wall for support. The image of Nozomi stabbing him followed quickly, though the others were nowhere to be seen. Adding itself in their place was a broken chain, and a rabbit speaking to a raven.

Kyoko moved immediately to check his pulse, _Shinji?!_

Several sounds of surprise carried from the main room, Kodama and Ritsuko hurrying over to interact with him as medical professionals. With everyone but Asuka aware of Kyoko's nature, they didn't comment on her presence, and the situation remained stable as it was. He was pulled quickly towards the couch to lie down, allowing himself to be maneuvered as his perception realigned with the world around him.

"I-I'm fine," pillows were shoved under his feet to elevate his legs, and his head was placed upon Hikari's lap by Kodama. "Just…visions. I mentioned, uhm, a word that might have triggered my mind to show me things." Holding his first girlfriend's hand, he kept his eyes closed, "I am not blaming you, so stop it."

Asuka announced from further away, "Blame her or not, she's still the cause of it."

Quite a few people went to make their objections known at once, though all were cut off by a shrill whistle from Maya and a loud clap from Misato. Both members of NERV's upper echelon were not ignorant of what Asuka was doing, and neither were without sympathy for her considering what was about to be revealed. In a rare display of deference, Misato gestured for her would-be sub-commander to take the lead.

"All right, everyone please back up. Our man is being well attended by qualified medical professionals, and the Light of his life. Our _guest_ did not say anything factually incorrect, though her delivery could have used some work." Moving to place herself between Asuka and the rest of the room, she made shooing motions, "Let's all…." Arael landed on her shoulder, causing her to look over with mild curiosity, "Let's all get back to what we were doing. Once he's not bouncing off of flat surfaces while trying to walk across a level floor, we'll reconvene and try again."

At that, Misato stepped up and took charge, "Pilot Soryu, let's take a walk." Grasping her subordinate's arm firmly, she motioned for Maya to trail along and took the protesting young teen into her bedroom for a private consultation on self-sabotage.

Hikari's fingers worked through his hair, her voice carrying hints of pain, "She's not wrong." Before he, or the other two physically present women, could protest, she smiled politely to the latest lady to join the household, "It is a pleasure to meet you, ma'am. My name is Hikari Ikari, and I have the good fortune to be married to this wonderfully patient man."

Kyoko, not eager to see such sorrow on a woman holding Shinji so tenderly, reached out and made motions as if she were soothing Hikari's leg, _Please don't listen to my daughter, dear. I'm not certain of the particulars, but if it were truly so terrible I doubt that Shinji would look as happy as he is to lay on your lap. This is not the appearance of a man 'putting up' with anything, he truly loves you,_ looking between the ladies present, she widened her meaning, _all of you. Even you, Akagi-chan. I've spent the equivalent of a few weeks in his soul already, and the Aspects have all shown me the man before us. Love, and forgiveness, are what have created his being._

"This is…probably the strangest thing that's happened yet, and honestly that's saying something," Kodama remained crouched next to her sister, keeping track of Shinji's breathing. "I hope you don't think too poorly of me for what happened earlier, ma'am. It's just…women popping into a room where they weren't there before has usually led to bad things happening in our household. To find out that you're who you are, and everything that's happened to you according to Maya, well…." Forcing out a smile, she tried to lighten the mood, "If he was going to bend the rules for anyone, then you are probably the best person imaginable. You didn't deserve what happened, and I look forward to speaking with you more about your experience. It can only help me heal this dork," patting his chest, she smiled teasingly at her husband.

 _Well,_ the former core of Unit-02 seemed both happier and surprised, _I…guess I expected a bit more in the way of jealousy and distrust._

"We try to live the values we seek to encourage in the world at large," Hikari offered by way of explanation. "We will grow to trust you more as you prove to be the kind of woman our husband seems to feel you are, but for now you've done nothing to promote mistrust. He hasn't let go of your hand, that I've noticed, and he's not the quickest person to seek out contact with someone who isn't a good person at heart. That alone is enough of a reason to welcome you into our home."

"She's…gone through something similar to what I did, after Zeruel," he brought Kyoko's hand more completely into his. "Alone, without anyone speaking to her, she's suffered for what she perceived as thousands upon thousands of years…. She can't touch anyone but me, or the Aspects. I'm sorry, for breaking the rules. I can't just let her suffer like this, though…can I?"

"Nobody's asking you to let her suffer," Kodama jumped on that fear quickly. "Think of it like…like Akane, Mikoto, and Nicki. You couldn't prevent it, you didn't ask for it, but you're making the most of it, and you're being the man we all love. Besides," she shrugged, "being angry about it would be petty, and you wouldn't love us if we were all petty and selfish. I should know."

"We would both know," Ritsuko added quietly. "Regardless, she's here, you have done nothing wrong, and we have other problems than what none of us had any control over."

 _Besides, since my daughter is so interested in handing out blame, this is all her fault ultimately,_ Kyoko stated evenly. _If she had followed orders, I would still be in Unit-02, and you would not be looking to bring her passenger onto your train car instead._

Shinji opened his mouth, an action everyone noticed, and then let it close into a grimacing laugh, "And my immediate reflex is to defend her against the accusation. Just like Arael said it would be. Just like my wives have said, just like my…my Ritsuko has said, just like everyone constantly tells me. I really do see the good intentioned reasons for everyone else's actions, and never my own."

"Ok, I'm willing to state right now that Miss Soryu is welcome simply based on the fact that she has caused the man we love to suddenly understand something we've been pounding him on for months," Hikari laughed in disbelief. "That's fantastic, Shinji! That's great progress!"

 _Please, Hikari-chan, just Kyoko,_ the spirit felt the warmth flowing from all three women present, finding herself included in it and reveling in the sensation. _All of you, just call me Kyoko. I hope that we'll all become fast friends, and that we have long, healthy, lives together._

+++++ 15th Angel + 0: Thursday (119)

"Ok, let's start with the obvious and work our way back from there," Misato shoved Asuka into the sub-commander's bedroom, allowing Maya to close the door behind them. "I see exactly what you are doing, you are not anywhere near as brilliant as you think you are, because nobody is going to blame anyone but you for their voting for you to never so much as step foot in this house again. The other option, that you don't see what you're doing, just means that allowing you to emancipate yourself completely was a terrible mistake that I need to rectify. Which is it?"

Stumbling to a halt, the angered redhead glared at two unfazed women, Misato exuding cold dispassion and Maya warm steadfastness. The contrasted emotions gave her nothing to work with, because neither appeared close to being angered. What she could not see, however, was Arael perched on Maya's shoulder, considering the scene as a scientist might consider an ant farm. "What I am trying to do is stop a vicious cycle of abuse from continuing. How many of you have taken advantage of his 'hospitality'," she sarcastically added air quotes, "hmm? He's not in control of who he's bound to, not in control of who he sleeps with, he's not even in control of who he adds! If it were up to him, he and I would be together."

"And you would be dominating his time, and energies," Eve pulsed into existence, seated demurely on the nearby desk chair.

"Says the woman who'd have to be forcibly removed from his dick," Asuka snapped, glowering at the Mother of the Aspects, her anger given a target that it could work with. "I want to give him exactly what he's always wanted, and has had stolen from him. Suddenly I'm the bad guy? Suddenly it's _Asuka's_ fault that he knows he's being abused but can't do anything about it because he's too tender hearted?"

"Instead of working with him, you're talking about doing what _you_ think is best. Instead of talking to us, one at a time, you just drop your request on all of us at once." Maya ignored Eve's interruption, hoping that there still might be a chance to reach the woman she hoped was hiding underneath the insecurities and bluster, "I understand that you were beginning as you intended to carry on, but you have to understand that we will not let you carry on like that. If you intend to come into our relationship throwing elbows and making demands, we are going to do what we have to in order to protect Shinji."

Blue eyes flashed hot, "You mean protect your free ride! None of you have to worry about trying hard, because you know he'll just take what you give him. You're all-"

"Nothing about what we're doing is 'free'," Misato cut off her rant midstream. "I have to give up time with the man I love, and the man who loves me, when I want nothing more than to have him to myself all day every day. If it were up to me, he'd either be between my legs or in the kitchen making me delicious foods. If I had my preferences, he'd never so much as think of another woman. The reason I am where I am, and you are where you are, is because I took the time to express my fears. To him, to them, and to myself. I was talked into joining by the others, Asuka, not the other way around."

"And before you try to twist that," Maya sighed, "you should know that it took three tries before they were able to make it happen. He had our permission before he talked to her. But he didn't push, specifically because _he_ didn't want to grow our circle without our consent. We aren't the ones enforcing these rules, we didn't _choose_ these rules. He did. On his own he makes certain he's abiding by them, without ever checking that we're obeying them too. He trusts that we will, because he expects to be the first person to fail. We have been working to craft exceptions for him, to try and give him more power. That's how much we trust him to choose wisely."

Asuka pointed out to where she expected him to be, "So when he chose me, what changed? You trust him to choose wisely, but you interfere when you disagree? Some 'trust' you have going on there."

"Further to the right," Eve motioned the young pilot closer to the correct direction. "What would _you_ do, dear, if you saw him about to bond…oh, let's pick that fantastically attractive pair of twins he adores from the hospital, hmm? If he chose them, as well, would you sit silently by?"

"He wouldn't!" Turning fully to face her tormentor, she planted her fists on her hips and leaned in, "That's my point! He's bonding only those women who he's afraid will die if they're left free to wander."

 _Then she understands why he won't bond her,_ Arael clacked her beak twice, making herself not only visible to Asuka, but able to be heard by the young woman. _Because she is unnecessary to Creation's aims. Her role complete, her position filled. She is safe, or as safe as any mortal Lilin can be._

"She…what?" Misato looked over to the White Raven, taken aback by the statement, "What do you mean 'unnecessary'?"

Maya urged her passenger off onto her finger, holding her arm out at chest level, "What was the position called?"

 _The Fury. One of you must contend with the raging storms within his soul. What better means to do so, then to be within his soul at all times, and no longer bound by living flesh?_ Arael fluffed her feathers out in the partial shrug she preferred, _The woman behind me was simply the catalyst. Should he not desire to bond those who do not add to Creation's aims, then he should leave her behind. Elsewise, he invites disharmony unnecessarily, as I have stated._

"Is…is that…the Angel?" Asuka was distracted by the sudden appearance of the latest Aspect, "What does it mean 'unnecessary'?" Forgetting that she was beyond enraged at the woman, she looked to Eve, "Is she one of you?"

"She is my daughter," the unnumbered Angel smiled, her plans remaining intact. "And she means that you are 'redundant', 'superfluous', 'excess to purpose'. You played your part, brought what was necessary to where it was needed, and may now freely go about your own life without worrying that your time or presence is foreordained by…what was your charming phrase the other night, 'misogynistic bullshit'?" Motioning politely, she gestured to the two other women present, and included herself, "Do not worry. We'll take _excellent_ care of The Wanderer. He won't want for anything, I promise."

+++++ 15th Angel + 0: Thursday (119)

Shinji had finally been allowed to sit up, Kodama and Ritsuko accepting that he'd suffered no ill physical effects from the vision, and was introducing Kyoko to both Yang and Tsuru while Hikari kept her place at his side. The other introductions had gone fantastically, in his opinion, as the various women of the Manor demonstrated no overt bias against his latest passenger for however they thought of her daughter. Nor was there simple polite phrasings hiding anything, each of the women had, thus far, been eager to speak to her regarding various things she'd seen or done. It was the type of welcome he'd thought impossible, to his personal shame.

"It would not have happened without Shinji and Hikari, Kyoko-san," Tsuru admitted without any regret. "I had consigned myself to a loveless marriage intended to provide children to work on the nearby farms, eventually my family's once my Da had passed. I'm…smart," she admitted, earning a happy squeeze on her leg from Yang, "but I am not… _world_ smart. My new family has been supportive beyond my wildest dreams, and I think that chemistry is something I will enjoy as a…a _career_."

Kyoko beamed at the seafoam-eyed beauty, _Oh, Shinji, you absolutely must get her some rings._ Looking significantly at Hikari's hand, she expanded on the seemingly out of place statement, _You see, one of my degrees was in Physical Chemistry, and I can guarantee you that this charming young lady will need a clearly visible token of proof for everyone around her that she's taken. It will make her experience much more pleasant. A nice engagement ring, and a solid band. They don't have to be more than decorative just yet, but it will save her from having to slap at least some of the more handsy idiots._ Gesturing between Yang and Tsuru, she brought up another point that interested her, _Your fingernails look lovely, is there some sort of meaning behind the-_

Misato's door slamming open drew everyone's attention, even those in the kitchen preparing a light breakfast. The ball of anger and death that stormed out of the room next did so with eyes that held no mercy for anything that attempted to stop her from leaving. She said nothing, and did not respond to Maya's urging that she wait and listen to her. Shinji, not quite ready to see the Asuka he remembered from his first life, was locked in place by force of habit. Staying still while the predator was in motion was the best way to remain untargeted, it was simply a matter of survival. She didn't look his way, her head focused on the door to leave his house, and before he could rally she was gone.

Maya had stopped at the television, giving up and accepting that plans would have to change. Turning to face her husband, she took note of what held the other women's tongues around him. She knew the only man she'd ever love would face Angels undaunted. He would stare down armies, and never once quail in fear. The look of panicked horror on his face stabbed at her heart, and reminded her that for all his progress, for all of the worlds he'd seen, he was still just a young teenager trapped in a small apartment with two women who abused him daily.

Stepping quietly over, she pushed him back onto the couch and sat on his lap. The action drew his eyes to her, the past and present fighting for responsibility over his features, giving her the opportunity to speak, "Hey." Calm, soft, tones and soothing words, those were her weapons, "Remember me? Your pretty little Kitten? I don't live in that apartment. I live here. With you. Right?"

Kyoko, having stood to watch as her daughter stalked away from what she knew was a truly important conversation, set that aside as something to be worried after later and focused on the man she was now permanently tied to, _Is he truly so afraid of her? She is…worrying, I suppose, but in an actual fight she wouldn't be able to even cause him pain, let alone injury. Sahaquiel-chan would freeze her in place before she even breathed wrong._

"The first reality he remembers, the one he is actually from," Hikari began, "he was living with a different Misato, and a different Asuka." While her wife slowly pulled their husband back from the terrors of the past, she filled in their newest peer with what she'd been told and what she'd figured out over the course of months. Summing up, as he finally started to respond with 'normal' emotions, she shook her head sadly, "I knew coming into this marriage that he would need extra care. I need to change my plans, and go to school to become a psychologist. One of us needs to help him learn to cope, help all of us learn to accept ourselves."

"S-sorry," one, final, ragged breath and he pulled Maya against his chest like a living stuffed animal. The part of him that was forever eager to rush after someone who was hurting to help them was stuffed in a locker and kicked down the stairs, if his wife had failed there was nothing he could do differently at the moment. "What happened?"

" _She_ sabotaged talks," Misato, who had hung back to not crowd him, pointed at Eve, who had Arael perched on her shoulder. "Wound her up nice and tight, and twisted the key one last time to break the spring."

The Mother of Angels stood behind the couch, relief and regret mingling in her stance. The first thing Shinji commented on, however, was not what everyone else thought it would be, "How are you still here?" Turning, carefully so he didn't harm Maya or Hikari, he freed one hand and gestured towards where he felt Asuka's song rapidly retreating, "You've never been this far from her, physically."

"Normal," her voice sounded much different, more akin to Kyoko's than what it had been, "as it turns out, is unfortunately far angrier than is either healthy or predictable." Gesturing with a few fingers towards him, she smiled sadly, "You did ask me to make every effort, Your Grace. Her…unusual chemistry led to my attempting to assist her in remaining…." Looking to Kyoko, she inclined her head in apology, "Your daughter, my good lady, suffers from an affliction I believe you might be better off explaining. I would not speak for you, His Grace would not wish me to."

The spirit beside Shinji nodded, understanding, _She's bi-polar. An…inherited trait that was passed down by my side of the family. Manic highs, where she has all of the energy in the world, where things are exciting and maddening, where she can become angered at the drop of a hat or eager to engage in…acts that she will regret later. Depressed lows, where she has no energy, and doesn't wish to see, or do, anything with anyone. If it's anything like I was, before…well, this,_ she gestured along her body, _it's rapid cycling. She's aware of it, loosely. That's what makes it the worst of all, she knows she's destroying herself…and she'll destroy everyone else in an effort to either cry for help or burn the world down with her._

Ritsuko, not bothering to fill in everyone else, looked to Kodama, "Fluoxetine, Quetiapine. She's more manic than depressive, so Lithium? She's not an active pilot right now, we can ween her off the antipsychotics that we were giving her when we thought it was hallucinations and dissociation, not knowing about her," she flicked a hand towards Eve. "Set her up with a regimen to help her stabilize herself."

"We'll talk about medicating her later," Misato waved away the topic. "You're saying that in order to return her to normal, you had to…what, wind her up and get her to shout out how much she hates all of us?"

"She hasn't been taking her medication," Eve looked duly chastened. "I did not enjoy this, dear. As…happy as I am to be free from her madness, I know now that she is all alone in the eye of it. She has surrounded herself with a whirlwind of chaos, a blazing inferno of anger, and hatred, for everything and everyone that she sees as preventing her from what she wants. She can't slow herself down, can't rationalize her actions in the moment, and she'll end up justifying the terrible things she does as everyone else's fault. I was changed, different, while tied to her mind. So was she. Without me there, she's free to be who she truly was inside. Tell me, and be honest, has she not become worse since I was dragged into the open? More confrontational? More hostile? More erratic?"

Akane waggled her phone as her sub-commander looked over to her with increasing anxiety, "Already have several of my better close protection assets moving into place. People that have been vetted by me and Miki personally. If we're all staying here, I can afford a few of them to stop her from doing anything permanent. Why don't you and I step away from everyone else, though, and decide what kind of guidelines you think are appropriate. I can stop fatal, but stupid is a different legal matter."

Shinji wanted to call her. To text her. To make sure she understood that he really did wish to speak with her, that he needed to tell her something fantastically important. As he reached for his phone, to at least send a text and let her yell at him, Kelly's chimed in the tone he recognized as Major Honda's. The distraction allowed Kyoko to take his outstretched hand, and his indecision allowed her to pull it back against her lap.

"Promotion ceremony is in thirty," his EA grinned weakly. "Am I telling them you aren't going?"

Hikari held his left hand. Maya sat on his lap. Kyoko had gained his right hand. He could feel the universe itself reminding him that he'd promised to be there for the people serving him. That he trusted the women around him to know the good from the bad. That he wasn't infallible, and that his desires did not come first. That he couldn't be everywhere. That, despite knowing he needed to speak with her, that _right now_ might not be the best time for him to try and approach the topic. "I'll…make some clothing for everyone. I want us to look nice for the cameras, those asking me to promote them worked hard for this, and they deserve to be respected for that effort." Tilting his head towards the phone, he asked for some help, "Maya, could you…I need to massage my thoughts to where I'm reminding her that I'm still her friend, but not setting unrealistic expectations. I understand she's angry, and that she's feeling attacked, but I'm not giving up on her…even if she gives up on herself."

"Ok, folks," Hikari stood up, clapping her hands lightly. "Everyone go do what you need to, to be presentable. Shinji will help us look fantastic, but we need to tell him how we want to look so be ready with ideas when he hits your rooms." A general murmur of agreement rippled through the room as people began to move in an effort to get ready. Handing Maya his phone, she gave him a look that screamed pride in his decision to restrain his traditional impulses, "This isn't irreparable. But taking a little time to let things calm while we figure out what just happened is the right plan. Kyoko-san probably would be far more upset if you weren't doing what she thought was the right thing, for _her_ daughter."

 _You should listen to your wife, you know,_ the lady in question patted his hand, not relinquishing her grip on it. _This talk was a good idea, before she panicked. We can still try to power up Unit-02 using our plan, it will at least let us know that it's possible, right? We'll let her know that I'm in your soul after she's had a chance to relax. It's…not like I'll be able to talk to her directly. The only people that seem able to see me are those tied to you, otherwise I'm certain the nice military folks would have mentioned the flying woman outside._

"The plan required that I take Eve away from Asuka," his head shook slowly. "Eve's free. So is Asuka. At this point, Eve may not even want to-"

"Still interested!" The Mother of Angels chimed in, stepping closer and lowering her voice, "I'm…I'm not suddenly opposed to uniting with you, simply because the situation has changed. I just, well…." She laughed, dryly, "I wasn't going to mention anything, not for a time. Bonding permanently should be a joyous occasion for both of us, celebrating an attachment with a good, gentle, being that would last for the rest of time." Spreading her fingers out helplessly, she let the rest of the thought remain unspoken, though obvious.

 _Armisael is not approaching. There is time yet,_ Arael clacked her beak. _Do not make decisions in haste, when there is no cause to do so. Allow yourself time to process those emotions you are experiencing. Do not let them control you, or worse decisions will be made._ Flapping free of her mother, she landed on Maya's knee and tapped his phone, _That you allow another to speak for you is not itself bad. But do not let her words become yours, unless you agree with them. Balance, Wanderer. Else all shall suffer._

Working his left hand along Maya's hip, he tried to accept their advice, "The answer for her joining was going to be 'No', wasn't it?"

"For now. Would you want her around Nozomi-chan and Sakura-chan, if she's prone to acting like she did today?" Hikari took a seat on the table, facing him openly and honestly, "She…tries very hard to be a good person. She also can't seem to stop herself from lashing out at slights, real or perceived. She has a number of views that she holds dearly, and does not tolerate people hurting, or I should say doing what she feels is hurtful to those few people she chooses to protect." Without visibly bracing herself, she asked what she felt was a related question, "Do _you_ feel that we are abusing you?"

"No," stating the word firmly, leaving no possible other interpretation or hesitation, he made his stance clear. Blame could be apportioned to any number of people for the life he lived, for the madness that surrounded him. He would not, now or ever, claim that those in his soul had yet been abusive. Demanding, determined, but never cruel or harmful.

 _Let's send this message,_ Kyoko urged progress. _I want her to get help for her problems, and that starts with feeling as if she's not alone. She'll better accept a treatment plan if it includes talking to her friend._

+++++ Author's Notes:

SK: RE: Asuka.

It gets worse.

angel of the dark arts: RE: Translations.

I'll take a look at some possibilities for working the translations into the text so it's not intrusive or unwieldly. It will take some time, though, and no guarantees of success.

origamishishou: RE: Shinji's thoughts.

The entire cast is flawed in their own ways, and many of them have simply become accustomed to Shinji not listening to them when they give him advice. With their own needs to tend to from time to time, they can't insist he do what he's already figured out. It's probably going to get better soon, though. Kyoko don't play games.

Ghost Man: RE: Asuka.

She loves him, as much as she's able to love anyone. It might be more apt to say she hates him least of everyone. Her issues have issues, which have subscriptions to Issues Monthly.


	126. Chapter 126

+++++ 15th Angel + 0: Thursday (119)

The Lieutenant Colonel responsible for all three Companies, as well as all three Company Commanders, were nearly completely uninvolved in the promotion ceremonies. Each person receiving their next grade asked for Shinji himself to promote them, the first to receive their promotion being the junior-most member. Shinji, given a card to read from so that he could say the formulaic phrase for the newest Private First Class to repeat after him, instead opted to give it to Suzuka to relay to him. The multi-step process only needed to happen twice before he had it completely memorized, and the next five promotions afterwards went much smoother.

Kiyomi's portion of the ceremony, the last of the day, brought the warmest of smiles to his eyes. He enjoyed the steady hand she had demonstrated, the unwillingness to be sidelined when it came to defending the women in his home, the determination that her unit would exceed all expectations or be forcibly trained until excellence was attained. That she did it all with care and concern for those under her command gave him a good example to follow, and it was with complete sincerity that he concluded his part with, "Then it is not only Our honor, or Our privilege, but truthfully Our _joy_ to grant you the rank of Major in the Japanese Strategic Self Defense Force. We eagerly await your continued devotion to duty, and to your men and women in Alpha Company."

Allowing herself a small smile as she saluted him, she replied quietly, "Thank you…Shinji."

Returning her grin with a wink, and letting the continuing trauma of the day subside, he turned to the assembled units and urged them towards applause, "Please, congratulate your fellows on improving themselves. Each of you also played a part in lifting them up, and We trust they will reach down to aid you in your own ascent, or lift you higher in return. We thank you all for your presence at this important event, and wish continued safety for every one of you as you continue your duty."

As the ceremony was drawn to an official end, he heard Misato's voice call him back, _Looks like we have some company, folks. I'm seeing what looks to be Shirakami patiently waiting in the wings._

 _Delivery of some food,_ Kelly checked her phone. _For tonight's dinner. Also, sounds like an update on some investigations. They say they can wait, though._

 _It's Ma,_ Yang added, having followed Misato's eyes. _If she says it can wait, it can wait, but she rarely leaves the store unattended in the middle of the day._

With the formation dismissed, the natural congregations followed. Those enlisted with tasks to be about moved quickly to see to them, not wanting to be called to account in front of the Duke Ikari, or his Duchesses. Those without clumped together with their friends or peers that had been promoted in order to 'jack-jaw' at how they'd manage, or had managed, to do it better, or faster. The good-natured ribbing that was how they bonded flying hard and fast. Those officers with obligations took a quick moment to be seen by Shinji and his wives before moving off with a purpose, and those without immediate needs gathered in appropriate sizes nearby to perform the necessary political maneuvering their positions called for.

The acting Commander for Charlie, as well as Captain Ozaki and Major Honda, stood with Lieutenant Colonel Hagiwara to finalize their plans in front of the man they served. It was the senior officer that did most of the speaking, however, "Expect their arrival by the end of the week. The paperwork and vetting process was duplicated, after the recent egregious errors, and so she'll be delayed slightly. The rest are already en route, and should be here by the end of the day if they want to keep their jobs. Lieutenant," she gestured between him and Shinji, "maintain communication with the Duke. He's said you're doing a good job, keep that success motivated. Captain, I'll need to borrow a driver. I dispatched mine last night with a courier, and can't wait for his return before I head out. Major," there was a lengthy pause, "you know your duty. Keep your eyes clear, His Grace is not the only person who expects continued excellence from you and your unit." Smiling with regret, she faced him last, "I apologize I will not be able to accept your invitation for lunch, Your Grace. Duty calls, I'm sure you understand."

"Please, travel safely, ma'am," he'd hoped to try and steer a conversation with her towards those things he'd overheard, but had to accept that if her superiors called she was obligated to answer. "Perhaps the next time you visit, I'll be able to cook you something you enjoy."

Her eyes softened, whatever it was she had expected did not arrive, and so her response was similarly cordial, "I look forward to it. You will likely hear from me by the end of the day, yourself. I'll communicate with your EA, so as not to bother you directly." Moving to leave, she held out her hand, "As you were, folks. Remember, he outranks me." Gesturing in a brief farewell, she hurried off with two of the three officers in tow.

Kiyomi, who stayed behind reluctantly, offered to move the discussion closer to his wives. With her voice lowered so none but him could hear, she asked pointedly, "How much did you hear?"

"Enough that I think I owe you an apology," he wasn't surprised when Kyoko quickly took her place on his right arm. _I'm sorry, thank you for waiting patiently. I know it's difficult to sit alone right now._ "I think I was trying to tell the Lieutenant Colonel that I was happy with you and Sachiko. What you've done, how you've responded to what's happened. I really wasn't trying to…to commandeer your career." Stopping near those of his household that had offered themselves for conversation, he shrugged, "I don't know every last thing you've done. I do know that I was serious earlier. You deserved your promotion, I hope you don't think knowing me has somehow tainted it."

Akane, eager to demonstrate her own history with the military, bumped Shinji with her elbow and chuckled, "Think she's read your jacket by now, kid? She's managed to get herself squared away enough that we can hope she's become literate."

"I actually read it again last night, believe it or not," the Major took her lumps, remembering their first meeting with a rueful grin. "I owe my commander a biography on him, and had to verify a few of the facts I've been told." Tipping her head towards Misato, she shrugged, "NERV's intel is wrong on a number of points. Might say that someone was trying to sabotage me by giving me a folder of bad rumors."

Misato's laugh was open and friendly, "If I could rewrite it, I would. But they won't let me spend my time practically like that. I get stuck dealing with finances and manpower, instead."

 _Could she not interview you?_ Kyoko looked between him and a few of the women who could hear her, _She appears to have some trust, if you had Misato-chan present you could filter out those things that ought not be shared broadly. A functional biography of your life is an invaluable tool for setting the record straight. If the biographer can separate themselves from the subject, they're providing a service for generations yet unborn._

"Is…I hate to seem rude, is one of our unseen guests speaking?" She tried not to look uncomfortable at the sudden look of concern and consideration on almost everyone's face, "Was it something I said?"

"What would you think about spending some time interviewing Shinji, Major? It would have to be under the supervision of either myself, Lieutenant Colonel Ikari, or Doctor Akagi, but we can't ignore the chance to improve the official record some." Misato couched her next statement very carefully, "That is, if you feel you can maintain the appropriate perspective. The point was raised, quite correctly, that a biographer needs to maintain distance from the subject."

Akane shrugged subtly, "Nobody here is going to judge you poorly for saying 'No', lady. The three of us tried hard to keep that distance…kid's got a hell of a pull."

 _Oh?_ Kyoko looked curiously up at Shinji, _Is she someone you're attracted to?_

 _I'm…not inclined to answer that question._ "Distance or not, you've been tasked with writing one. Why don't we set aside some time over a few meals to fill in the details you need." Looking to Kelly, he tilted his head towards Kiyomi, _Set up a few appointments with her, she needs to write a biography on me. Everyone else, stop making her uncomfortable on a day that's already hard on her._ "I'll leave you to my family's tender mercy," inclining his head enough that he felt he was respectful without going far enough to draw any more ire from the woman he moved to intercept, he sighed, "I'm going to go see what Xuefan-san wants."

 _It's not a crime to be attracted to someone, you know,_ Kyoko kept pace by the simple expedient of flying at his side. _She's handsome, athletic, and seems to have the respect of her peers. You're not bending her over in public, you're just admiring her for what she is._

 _People he feels attraction to have an unfortunate habit of winding up losing their freedom,_ Suzuka took the opposing arm, her scowl steadfast. _This is, as you might understand, something he finds not only distasteful but painful. Your question is innocent, but the ramifications of any answer remain too troubling to be easy over._ As they reached the heavy vehicle, the eternal swordswoman inclined her head politely to one of her few true friends, "It is good to see you out in the real world, Xuefan-chan. Whom are we killing, and what have they done to earn the blood price?"

"Oh, you know how it is, dear," smiling fondly, the proprietress of the Blue Crane waved her hand dramatically before her face as if clearing away an ill wind. "A man tells a young woman he loves her, whisks her off to live in a dream mansion, and then forgets to include the young woman's family in the wedding plans." Raising her eyebrow at Shinji, she pursed her lips playfully, "Does the story sound familiar?"

Shinji had a moment of genuine fear that he'd somehow sent a message that he very much hadn't intended sending, "I-I, I'm not marrying Yang-chan just yet, Xuefan-san! I promise, when it happens I'll-"

"I was referring to your wife," the matriarch of the Shirakami laughed, gesturing to Suzuka. "Oh, come here you darling, darling man." Pulling him into the kind of hug that would shatter a lesser man's spine, she pushed as much warmth and affection as she could into the gesture, "I know you'll be good to them, Shinji. I do not have even the slightest doubt in my heart that you will give them everything you can possibly give." Settling back, she looked up at him sternly, "But you need to start taking for yourself. My daughter informs me that you've been holding back for fear of upsetting people. That's not healthy. You need to love with all of your heart, while you have the chance to do so. Regrets hurt far worse than mistakes, and I should know. I've plenty of both."

 _She gives sound advice, you know?_ Kyoko looked at the heavy vehicle that had finished its inspection, _What do you think is inside?_

"If I knew the difference between a mistake and a regret, Xuefan-san, I would be a much wiser man than I am." He wished his phone would issue the ringtone he'd programmed in for Asuka. He knew it wouldn't. "That is an awfully large truck to be carrying two turkeys," he knew dwelling wouldn't help, and pushed himself to let go of what he couldn't address, "am I about to have enough fowl to feed my entire military detachment?"

"There are a few gifts from the Shirakami inside, in addition to the provisions your surprisingly-fluent assistant slash wife of some form requested," gesturing towards the house, she set them walking in that general direction. "Speaking of 'gifts', you might not believe the ease with which we acquired some of these. To say nothing of the one you have given us in asking us to act on your behalf to address the situation with the Hayakawa woman."

Floating over to his back to avoid confusing Shinji, Kyoko wrapped her arms around his neck to drape herself like a cape before lifting herself up to rest her chin on his shoulder, _Hayakawa woman?_

 _A disgusting individual that Mikoto barely restrained me from launching into orbit around Saturn._ "Please tell me that her daughter has been taken somewhere safe? Somewhere she can receive help?" With Suzuka on his arm and Xuefan walking close to his right side, he wasn't able to open the door as he would have liked to, the task falling to his guest causing him further irritation that the Shirakami matriarch either ignored or failed to note. Allowing his wife to enter first, he turned and noticed the back of the heavy vehicle opening up, "A piano?"

"One was requested by Hikari," Xuefan shrugged. "As well as a few other instruments. The specifics were left to one of my business associates who was given your general size and a budget that would balance quality with your distaste for ostentation. She arrived with me, and will verify that everything was transported and set up appropriately." Urging him to follow her inside, she looked around the space available, "With your permission, dear, I'd like to have them set it up in that alcove by the dining area. I would assume the space was intended for displaying furniture, but you tend to prefer simplicity."

 _Hikari?_ He called his wife, _A piano?_ It wasn't that he was opposed to the idea, but other than the cabin, and the bar, neither of which involved her, he'd not played anything but his cello for her.

 _Lily said you enjoyed playing, my love. You need music, and even with these purchases we're still nowhere near a deficit for this paycheck._ The freckle-faced beauty's next response was firm, _You will take time to play. Music is a release for you, and a tense Shinji is a worrying Shinji._

"Careful, folks," Nicolette's voice carried from the doorway. "Please keep injuries to a minimum." Backing into view, she stopped at the couch and watched as the movers carefully manipulated a series of instruments into the house. Looking over her shoulder, she raised her eyebrow, "Maybe we can wow my mother into not chewing our heads off with a song?"

"Maybe," Shinji tried to determine how he felt at watching what had to be some of the most expensive things he'd ever be responsible for brought into his house with white glove treatment, Nicolette taking over directing traffic and keeping an eye on 'strangers'. His blood pressure was increasing as anxiety climbed his spine to ask him what he'd done to deserve spending any money on himself. Akane's room was nearly barren, Mikoto mostly only owned things older than he was biologically, Sakura and Nozomi needed more ways to express themselves, Tsuru and Yang needed chances to-

 _Stop._ Kyoko hopped up so that she sat astride his neck, hanging down so that her hair draped and blocked his view of anything but her eyes and calm smile, _What possible good does it do you to argue with your wife about whether you can afford something or not? I've only known her for a few hours and I'm already convinced that she could hold her own in any number of labs I worked in. If she says that the math works, why not trust her? You love her dearly, don't you?_

A slow release of tension in his arms followed, and he reached up to pretend to scratch at his chin, instead rubbing her upper thigh in gratitude, _You're showing an awful lot of leg._

Sitting upright, the spirit laughed, _You are such a prude. I could be walking around nude all day, and no one but those tied to you would know._ Her tone dimmed, _Or do you not like my legs?_ Kicking one out she looked to Suzuka, _I have nice legs, don't I?_

 _They seem well proportioned to your body,_ the swordswoman assured the scientist. _Pay attention, dear heart. Xuefan has been briefing us on the actions taken for the Hayakawa girl. She is safe, which should calm your nerves somewhat._

"…it wasn't that challenging, honestly. When her Family, the Kinyama, heard that she had contacted someone affiliated with the Shirakami without permission, there was some moderate embarrassment. When they heard who had been contacted, and what had been discussed, we were asked to name your price for forgiveness." Xuefan's scowl was hard, and not directed at any present, "We asked that she be handed over to the Shirakami, with the intention that our Family be given full rights and responsibilities." Shaking her head slowly, she sighed, "The poor dear can barely breathe without permission, it's vile. She asked with confused curiosity, after we set her food before her five minutes prior, if it was 'acceptable to take a bite'. We were so busy scanning through her few possessions, literally all she owned in the world, for bugs or traps that we hadn't thought to specify that she could eat _everything_ , and not just a single portion. We learned _that_ after another ten minutes, when we found she had taken only a single bite."

He eyed his wife curiously, "This was supposed to help calm me down?"

"I apologize dear," Xuefan shook off her scowl, resuming her typical warmth. "You did the right thing, and she will be well cared for."

"Auntie?" Nozomi's voice drew everyone's attention, "Sakura-chan wants to talk to you about something…is now a good time?" Supporting her best friend next to the couch and out of everyone's way, she had a slight look of confusion on her face, and more than a hint of concern.

At a subtle motion from Shinji, the businesswoman moved over to the lone remaining Suzuhara with a beaming smile, "Of course it is. What can I do for you, my dear?"

Now physically alone with his wife as a whispered conversation occurred between matriarch and the two youngest members of his household, Shinji kept his words within the silent mental channel they all shared, _Sorry. It looks like today's going to be one of those up and down days. I'm…able to play all of these instruments, I think. I really appreciate them, I do…I just don't want to…. I don't know. I think I'm going to spend this week going out of the house, barring anything tragic or insane happening. I want to…go shopping. Get out. Not sit breathlessly waiting for…._ Taking a deep breath, he tried and failed to find the words to describe the ball of confusion that was his brain.

A variety of responses flowed back from those women who weren't focusing on speaking in public. The idea of getting out of the house received universal acclaim, the thought of trying to live, and not just survive, meeting with similar approval. But it was the woman physically closest to him that set the plan in stone. _Perhaps a tour of the Shirakami holdings? There are a number of places both Nanako-chan and Xuefan-chan would love you to visit. Something of a goodwill tour, and a show of solidarity. We, you and I, are known commodities. Taking members of our family out with you would introduce the others to the world._

 _It's a good idea,_ Kyoko agreed eagerly. _Politically speaking, even just one visit by a popular individual can improve business dealings dramatically. If you find something that doesn't meet your standards, it also will allow you to find out how long your reach is. At least,_ she sighed, dropping to the ground and facing him with a pout, _that's what my soon-to-be dead ex-husband used to do._

 _Kelly, Kodama, Yang, please develop an orderly plan?_ He received three enthusiastic affirmatives, before turning to see that Xuefan was soothing and calming Sakura. Whatever it was they were talking over hadn't improved the elder Shirakami's mood, and it was just as obvious that he wasn't welcome at the party for the moment. _Nicki…I'm going to start cooking dinner. Did you want to call home? I know it's not Thanksgiving there, but we can show them we're celebrating in spirit?_

 _I will take over observation duties, Nicolette-chan,_ Suzuka kissed him gently. _Help our husband in his efforts at being the good man we know him to be._

It wasn't perfect. He knew he'd had several moments where it was only the women around him that kept him from making a mess of his life. But he'd made promises, and he would fight hard to keep them. If he didn't keep his promises to the women near him, he couldn't keep his promises to those who…may never be a part of his life in the way they wanted to be.

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"Are you sure?" Nicki stood back slightly, holding her phone in one hand with the other out to her side so she would not appear to be in mid-dial, "I can't really help and give a tour at the same time. I don't know how long the call will last…?"

Shinji was organizing the materials to get the turkeys ready for the oven, with Kyoko settled above the nearby counter where she could reach out and touch him from time to time without crowding him as he worked, "I'm sure. I think the presentation would be better if your mother saw me cooking, saw that I wasn't just sitting around like some fat pig while others did all the work."

"That is a fair point," worry colored her features, the expression not common to her being. "What we're doing…she's going to say she raised me better. She's going to tell me that you're…. Just don't be surprised if I hang up, ok?"

Stopping his own motions, he turned to face her more fully, "If you don't want to do this, you don't have to. I just…I remember lives where your mother was the most important person in your world. I'm…I refuse to be ashamed of any of you. I _am_ ashamed of myself, and I know I need to work on that, but I won't extend that to any of you."

"I won't hide you like some diseased secret, either," confidence and determination blossomed once more on her face, her golden blonde hair shook as her head did. The five minutes she'd taken in her bathroom were well spent, in his opinion, as she'd prepared to show herself to her mother as the woman knew her to be. Stage perfect, flawless, and somehow the picture of 'relaxed at home'. "What I'm saying is, if I feel she goes too far, I'm going to hang up. I'll take my lumps, and I'll let her disapprove reasonably to you, but if she starts going…. If she goes 'Stage Mom' on us, I'm blocking her number and she can talk to me through the MAGI."

As Shinji went to open his mouth, Kyoko chimed in with her personal opinion, _It would be a shame to tell someone you love how they must deal with their family member. Might cause them to think that you think you know better than they do how to live their life. That lack of trust can become something of a habit, over time, until everything they do has to somehow be checked through you before they do it._ He could see her finger shift to Nicki out of the corner of his eye, _That goes both ways. He's learning how to let go, how to trust someone again. If he says he's going to do something, and it involves someone he feels is his family, you need to give him the same respect he's supposed to give you._

Closing his mouth, and his eyes, he let his head drop forward. He knew the woman was right, and somehow hearing it from her just…clicked. "I'll trust your judgement, Nicki. I've got too many worlds in my mind, and not enough experience in the one I'm actually living in." A light tug brought him down, his eyes opening at a feather-light touch of lips.

The blonde dancer's eyes begged him to remember that she'd not yet had a chance to show how she felt, "Don't want to muss my makeup before the call."

"You look just as beautiful without it," choosing to run his hand along her shoulder, he smiled fondly. "But you're an expert at applying it."

Stepping back purposefully, she put on her game face, "Keep flattering me, and I'm going to forget this call and drag you into a room." Thumbing through her contacts, she set her phone to making a video call, _I love you._

 _I love you too._ Going back to his work, he began mixing the baste together. The cookbook was open to the page he needed, printed off the MAGI in case somehow he forgot how to make a recipe he'd made millions of times across billions of lives. _Kyoko…thank you for reminding me of the right thing to do._

 _A lady has to earn her bread somehow,_ the spirit tapped him with the back of her foot on his side. _Otherwise I'm a freeloader. Terrible example to set for the young women in this house, and not going to earn me your regard either. You work hard, and you drive yourself harder. I just need to remind you from time to time to relax._

"Hello?" The hint of surprise, and lack of a distinct accent, announced that the call had connected, "Oh my goodness, baby girl, you didn't say you were calling today! Oh you look fantastic, going out on a date? Did that nice young man finally realize that he couldn't let you get away? I told you Jake would come around, honey."

"Uhm, not really momma," Nicolette's smile wavered slightly, the knowledge that her partner and good friend was lying unconscious in a hospital bed stung. Especially considering she'd been asked not to visit for a while, as he'd suffered a relapse and an infection along with it. "I wanted to call you on your Thanksgiving, but we're ahead of you and are celebrating in our own way. I'm…actually standing right by the man that I'm all dolled up for. Now, don't worry, he's fluent in English," turning the phone as she walked over and ducked under his arm to show them both on the phone, she looked up with the love she felt for him, "meet His Grace Shinji Ikari, The Duke of Chūbu, first of his name, Paladin of the Realm, Acting Regent and Devoted Protector of Old Hakone and its Environs, Pilot of Unit-01, Defender of the World…and my boyfriend."

Silence, as loud and deafening as any thunder Ramiel might have ushered forth, followed that statement. For one, painful, heartbeat Shinji looked into the face of a woman who it seemed could have sworn she didn't quite hear what she'd thought she'd heard. A thousand emotions flitted across a face which looked just like the woman he'd met several times, in several lives. Doughy, with just pretty enough features to be tragic that she was almost perpetually offended or appalled, the woman that would likely one day be his mother in law looked into her daughter's hopeful smile, and Shinji's warm smile of understanding, and glowered.

"Hello, ma'am," taking the opportunity to try and put a pleasant foot forward, he stuck his head into the lion's den, "it's a pleasure to meet you. I'm very sorry that it can't be in person just yet, I hope you understand that I can't quite leave Japan for a time. Hopefully, once everything has settled down, we can-"

"He's married," her voice was flat, her eyes locked onto her daughters. "You…are dating a married man. After everything your father did to us. After everything I taught you. You are the most attractive and talented woman I have ever met, and you have settled for giving away the cream to a man that won't ever buy the cow. I can't believe you! This…I can't. I can't. You talk to her, I'm done. I'm beyond done. Never should have…." Her voice trailed off as the view from the other end of the conversation tumbled around until a pair of hands came into view, catching the apparent projectile and righting the camera.

"Hoo boy," a much different accent preceded a friendlier face. "Oh, oh my Heavens, who's this, Nicki?" A playful smile and batting eyelashes completed the look of his girlfriend's aunt, "I'm afraid I was coming back from the door and didn't hear the introductions. The delivery boy needed a moment or two to finish ogling me."

"Aunt Jill," Nicki didn't have to force the second introduction anywhere near as much, "meet my boyfriend Shinji. Shinji, meet my Aunt Jill."

"Pleased to meet you, ma'am," ducking his head slightly, he balanced bowing with cooking one handed. "I…apologize for distressing your sister. I do not, however, consider your niece either a cow or a temporary fling. Our situation is…complicated."

"Love usually is, Sugar," the woman's sigh spoke of experience in that realm. "Now, ain't you already married, though? I'm not gonna start throwin' around insults like my darling sister does, but I would like to at least make sure I understand the basics of the arithmetic here."

"The short version is he's bound by both honor and rules that he cannot break without losing everything," Nicki stepped in quickly. "He's married to at least five women officially, and when he and I are ready I'll be joining them. They're all wonderful women…women I had kind of hoped to introduce to momma, but I guess I put that hope in the wrong bin."

The far more pleasant woman seemed to accept the story as told, "So you _do_ plan on marryin' my niece, Sugar?"

"When she will have me," he stated with a firm nod. "Not before she is certain that we should."

Jill seemed surprised, "So it's you that's holding up the chapel bells, Honey Bear?"

"We're both wanting to make sure that the other is happy, before we do anything…more permanent," Nicki coughed out a weak laugh. "His wives are all on board with the idea, else I wouldn't be standing here. One of them is a better fighter than Jake could ever hope to be, another is nearly as strong as Shinji is. One of the ones I admire the most is a Lieutenant Colonel; she's the most levelheaded, pleasant to be around people I've ever met, until you mess with her family. The last two are coming along nicely, but they're a bit young to be worrying in a fight."

The middle-aged former pageant winner nodded slowly, "You happy?"

"He's everything I could hope for, Aunty. He really is. He's encouraging me to do whatever I want, career-wise and life-wise. He's wonderful around children, he's a fantastic dancer, he's actually cooking with only one hand right now," tugging him down into a kiss she moved away to start showing off the room, "I've got to let him get back to that or nobody will eat tonight."

"He does the cookin'?" The teasing came back thicker, "Is he lookin' for another former Miss Washington County? Maybe something in an older model?"

Nicki's laugh held none of the scandalized torture that many other women might have shown, "No, he's quite happy with the one he has, ma'am. Look at this kitchen, though! I wish we'd had this kind of stuff where I grew up."

Able to tune out of the conversation, Shinji let a hint of a smile grow. It didn't quite go the way he'd wanted, and in fact had gone as he had feared when speaking to Nicki's mother, but the happiness radiating off of the honey blonde dancer moving around his kitchen was worth the hit to his pride. His best hadn't been enough, this time. Her mother not nearly of the same temperament as Kelly's father. _It could have gone much worse._

 _Take the victory where you can, I say,_ Kyoko patted his shoulder.

Flitting over to the doorway, Nicki switched languages briefly, "Suzuka-san, could you come here for a moment? I'd love to introduce you to my aunt."

His family was odd, there was no denying that. But he wouldn't trade it for the world.

+++++ 15th Angel + 0: Thursday (119)

Watching Shinji work with Sakura, after Nicolette had hung up and moved out of the kitchen to allow others to enjoy some time with him, Xuefan sat quietly discussing what she'd been asked with Misato and Maya. "He does not know?"

"He knows that the lesser Suzuhara wasn't the best brother in the world," the violet haired sub-commander stated firmly. "The last thing I want for him to do, right now, is treat that little girl any differently than he is. She looks up to him exactly like she should, and is getting the kind of love and affection from him that she deserves. Telling him would change him, which she would notice, which would ruin everything."

"When we can get them all into therapy, we'll take the hit for not telling him," Maya added. "Two more Angels, and then the healing can begin in full." A happy giggle brought three pairs of eyes to the kitchen, where Shinji was cheering his 'assistant' for her work with making the pie filling. Sakura's smile, the way that she beamed up at him, gave all three women pains in their heart, "We'll keep an eye on her, though I think we're lucky. She's not faking that smile."

"She loves him dearly," Xuefan admitted with a sigh. "I'll take the papers and file them with the local magistrate. Two of my daughters living in this house is no more trouble for me than a single."

Shinji's wife let a sad smile grow on her face, "I was kind of hoping she'd choose me. But we gave her the option, and she chose who she chose."

"It will work out better this way, in the long run," the restauranteur patted the younger woman's hand. "You'll see." Standing, she ended the conversation for the moment, "I will say my goodbyes, and leave my daughter in your care. I expect, however, that she will be brought around the Crane from time to time so that I might shower her with affection and introduce her to her family."

+++++ 15th Angel + 0: Thursday (119)

"Thank you," Tsuru took the pot from Bardiel, moving to strain the contents into the sink. "All of this food seems so oddly prepared, but it smells really good." Keeping her body tilted away from the steam, she looked at the Aspect she was working with, "And you're certain you can't eat with us? You are part of our family, and this is supposed to be a family gathering. We can rearrange furniture to make room for everyone."

 _We gain nothing from the food you are preparing, child,_ the Aspect of Haze was touched that her presence was desired and welcomed. _It is better that you take what energy you can from your efforts, instead of wasting it on beings who take their strength through different means._

"I'm making more than enough to spare some for each of you," Shinji moved to back up his girlfriend. "I like Tsuru-chan's idea, the more I think about it. The entire premise of this holiday, to Nicolette, is that people gather to speak on what they are grateful for that has happened over the year since the last gathering. They express that thanks to those closest to them, to make sure that the people supporting them know their mind." Reaching around the farmgirl, he placed his hands over hers on the strainer and set it slowly swaying, dancing in place with his body against hers, "I have a large family, and much to be grateful for."

The feel of sheltering in his arms wound her desire up tight, "Shinji…if you don't stop I'm going to drop the strainer."

"I'm holding it," he kissed the top of her head gently.

Letting go and turning to face him, she gripped his rear and looked up at him with lust dripping from her eyes, "I'm also going to drop your pants."

Bardiel's titter preceded a length of her hair wrapping them together, _If you'd like, I could render the both of you invisible? None would see, nor hear, your actions as you expressed your warmth with one another?_ A silken strand caressed Tsuru's face, _She has such marvelous heat, Great One. Surely you can't deny its allure?_

"Not in the kitchen," he knew his voice failed to hide his feelings. "Not…the first time, at least." He was grateful that Kyoko had stepped out of the room to speak with Hikari regarding something she'd not specified, because he himself was having a difficult time ignoring the growing desire for the woman in his arms, "Bardiel…please stop grinding her against me there. I have…I have to get dinner made."

"Oh, that's not her," wide, innocent, seafoam green eyes shone brightly. "I want, Shinji." The innocence faded, replaced by sincerity, "Please…don't keep me waiting for years?"

Swallowing, he shook his head, "I'm…not sure I'll keep you waiting hours." Even without Kyoko there, he could feel the woman's hand, or foot, or finger, or toe touching him and reminding him that he was doing nobody any favors by pretending the situation was anything but what it was. "Let's…let's keep moving. Maybe, uhm…maybe later…tonight."

+++++ 15th Angel + 0: Thursday (119)

Shinji stood in his bathroom, leaned against the sink. Several of the dishes were at points where he had nothing to do but wait, and Sachiel, Nozomi, and Kodama had kicked him out of the kitchen to wash those things that could be safely cleaned. Each of the women in his household had, alone or in pairs, come in and helped him make something. They had also, without knowing, worked his arousal higher and higher. Looking at himself, he tried to make sense of the competing, and confusing, sensations flowing through him. "Maya and I talked about something that's a useful distraction," he spoke to the presence he'd suddenly sensed in the room with him, "when you disappear like that…does the you that was there die?"

"You have a soul," Rose's voice was calm, the same sound as she'd had up on the school's roof when he was contemplating falling off to see what would happen. "Ultimately, I _am_ a soul. It's one of the differences between Adamite and Lilin beings. You are all one being, we are distinct entities. What gets sent across space and time using our technology, and the reason we would have a difficult time repeatedly ferrying people between my ship and the Earth, is just energy condensed. Lilin, on the other hand, would likely die and be recreated. Their soul taking slightly longer than your body."

"What…uhm," when he turned and saw her standing in her uniform, he looked down and towards the side, "what can I do for you?" He could feel her approach, "You…uh, you've been really busy since…uhm…." All it took was a single touch, her fingers caressing his sternum, and he picked her up and slammed her against the wall. His lips met hers, hungry and full of fire.

Her response was not as enthusiastic as his, though not owing to a lack of interest. She knew he was running hot, and as much as she wanted him to claim her then and there, she didn't want him to do so in a way that he'd forever remember poorly. Slow, soft, reactions that eased his foot off the accelerator, _I've been doing what I can to locate Tabris._ His hands felt magical, like living energy delivered directly to her pleasure centers, _Shinji, I-_

It was not common for him to be manhandled, and certainly not something he would have expected to happen at that particular moment in time. A part of his mind, as he was shoved roughly to the side, admitted that it was only fair. He had just, after all, used his strength to overwhelm her. The rest of his mind took note of how Rose moved to protect him from a woman with black hair.

 _Oh my,_ Kyoko laughed uncomfortably. _I'm terribly sorry, I didn't mean to startle you. I had believed him alone._

The ship's captain, coming to a halt in the face of someone she'd mistaken for another woman, frowned, "You're not…. Shinji, who is this?"

Righting himself, having controlled his tumble to avoid destroying anything in the room, the putative god moved to a seated position where he had ended up on the floor. "Kyoko," the adrenaline shock of unexpected combat helped push his libido down, "I think we need to come to some sort of an understanding regarding when you should materialize. A little later and I would have been doing something with my [Song] that would not have been…appropriate to share with you." Bringing his knees up and resting his forearms upon them, he gestured to the half-German scientist, "Rose, meet Doctor Kyoko Zeppelin Soryu. Kyoko, meet Captain Rose Ikari, Captain of the [Song]."

 _An actual, non-hostile, extraterrestrial being_? The scientist's eyes had widened, her curiosity overcoming her manners, _She looks so…human, only with a quite ravishing skin tone, slightly wider eyes too…._

Rose, for her part, only raised an eyebrow, "Shinji, how did she teleport into your room? Lilin can't do that, we _just_ talked about that."

"She's dead," another woman's voice was heard nearby. Sitting on the edge of the sink, where Shinji had earlier been leaning, Lilith sat demurely with her legs crossed, wearing the dress she'd been gifted, "She's also tied to his soul, permanently."

 _Why do you…._ Kyoko considered the next contestant, _You look quite familiar._

With the situation clearly about to require more than basic introductions, Shinji made a decision, "Let's all take a trip."

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"That makes sense," Kyoko, who hadn't left his lap since they arrived at the tea table in his soul, considered the two women sitting on opposing sides from one another. After Lilith introduced herself, and explained her relationship to Shinji, the woman nodded with growing understanding, "You're a lot less blurry now that I can see you up close."

"Shinji," Rose looked significantly at the scientist, "I'm not trying to act like a [Song], but is there a reason that your fellow pilot's dead mother is sitting where she is?" She gestured to a nearby empty chair, "You made her a seat and everything."

"He's being comforting to a woman who's experienced something he's intimately familiar with," Lilith's reply was delivered in an extremely non-confrontational tone of voice. "She, like my children tend to when their options are limited, has latched onto him as a source of solace and comfort. That she has no other source of human connection likely plays a role in her eagerness."

Kyoko huffed, "No. My 'eagerness' is from the fact that a young, attractive, attentive, good-natured man is allowing me to touch, feel, and please him. I assure you, were my husband the man I stumbled upon after being freed from that hell, I would not be sitting where I am. Because he would be bleeding. Profusely. From what I am sitting on." Eying both other women firmly, she let her temper free for a moment, "I may have been kept prisoner, but I am quite capable of deciding for myself with whom I should choose to dally. I am welcomed here, in his soul, by not only the man I am coming to adore more and more every hour he spends with me, but by those lovely beings that make up parts of his very existence. I doubt seriously that either of you have received such a welcome."

Shinji gripped her knee, "Steady." Motioning with his free hand to the other two, he begged for peace to return, "Life has given me another woman to care for. Once again, someone I did not ask for. If I only received what I asked for, none of you would be here. Instead," he sat back, "I have what I have. I can, as all three of you have told me at one point or another, make the most of it or make everyone suffer for my stupidity." Putting the topic to rest, he pulled Kyoko's back against his chest and asked Rose for forgiveness, "I am sorry I didn't check up on where you were after the fight. I know it's only been a little more than half a day, but I should have touched base with everyone right away. I'm glad you're safe."

A light blue tinge colored her cheeks, "I…was actually kind of the opposite."

"We were fighting Tabris' clones, those he sent to attempt to maximize mischief while you were otherwise distracted," Lilith had her own blush prettily coloring her cheeks. "As it turns out, your [Song] and I work rather capably as a team. Her security specialists are, to a woman, quite capable in their own right."

"The situation has been contained, again," Rose hurried to reassure him. "We're monitoring that entire area, actively, and Lily believes that none of them were able to escape our combined forces. A few friendly casualties, none fatal. Fourteen clones eliminated."

Kyoko reached up and ran a finger down his jaw, drawing his eyes to her, "Clones?"

"The final Angel, Tabris, has cloned himself using the same technology that NERV used to clone Rei Ayanami, the pilot of Unit-00," mentioning the bluenette hurt him, as it likely would forevermore. "They are not as strong as he is, but they are strong enough that no one but myself, Lilith, Rose and her people, and perhaps Suzuka should even consider facing them in a fight. It took the entirety of an Armored Company, with air support, to take out one the traditional way."

"He has at least fifty more," Lily groused. "Which is why I came into your…private time, Pet." Smiling with genuine remorse, she gestured to Rose, "As a good faith gesture, I had intended to allow the two of you to…pick up where you left off. I had not anticipated, and was too tired to sense, my daughter here. So when I sensed anxiety, I assumed the worst."

His pink-skinned wife laughed with little amusement, "I had thought you'd broken the deal already. I saw light skin, black hair, and was ready to tear into you. It was obvious as soon as I had a better angle that it wasn't you, of course, but…." Her eyes turned to Shinji, "We're all walking carefully around each other, [Song]. She has acquitted herself admirably in the field, she took me right to where they'd fought as soon as the Angel arrived. I'm not saying you owe her anything, but she could have gone off alone again and didn't."

She snorted, "Still should have used the front door."

"I'd like to return to the waking world, and see about bathing," pushing herself to her feet, Rose asked her husband for a favor without saying a word. "I'll also speak to Hikari and Maya, explain my absence to them as well."

He wasn't ignorant to the subtext, for once, though he was a great deal more blunt, "Kyoko, I need to speak to Lily. She did something commendable, and I believe my [Song] would like me to entertain a request. Would you mind keeping Sahaquiel company for a little while? Lily and I…don't always agree, but she deserves the chance to ask me in private for what she will."

"I can't help you with things I'm not around for," the dead scientist turned to sit astride his lap. "My duty is to remind you of things you might forget from time to time, remember?"

His response was as much for Kyoko as it was for the other two women present, "I won't do anything permanent, or that I don't want to do. I promise." Scooping her up into a hug, and standing, he let her know that he appreciated what she'd done for him so far without words.

Rewarding him for the spontaneous, and unprompted, embrace, Kyoko kissed him firmly, then dropped out of his grasp and vanished. Rose looked over to her antagonist, nodded once, and did the same. Left alone, the two people responsible for the world as it was, for _reality_ as it was, looked on each other with modest trepidation. There was, to be certain, a form of distrust lingering in Shinji's gaze, and that was ultimately what prompted her to speak first.

"I'm trying," it wasn't in any way unclear as to what she meant by the statement.

After a moment of hesitation, he nodded, "I know. Thank you." Banishing the table, he walked over and offered her his hand, "Might I have this dance?"

Accepting his offer, restraining her eagerness to be closer to him, the Second Angel smiled charmingly as she stood, "Why thank you, sir." Mirroring his motions easily, she allowed him to guide her around the area as she unburdened herself, "I…am upset at what is happening. To you. To us. To them."

He understood who she meant, "You're the one who had said that the more women I accepted, the stronger I would become. Which would mean the stronger you would become. So why are you feeling so…thin?"

"Because the rules are what they are," she laughed weakly. "Your love, your affection, your desire, have all turned towards others. I stopped flirting, touching, demanding your attention. You were not lying when you said that every time you look upon me you see…a half-breed clone." She shook her head to hold him back from speaking, "Any other man would not be dancing like this with me. Any other man, I would have had twisted around my finger. You and I would be rutting like animals day in, day out. I am a being of lust, Shinji…and you are starving me." Her smile was ironically amused, "Because you are absorbing their lust like a sponge."

"There are a few billion people in this world. Why not accept their lusts? I can't imagine I'm the only source in all of Creation," the idea seemed laughable.

"Our children are revering you as their god, or savior, or hero, or whatever else you want to call yourself. They're changing. Growing. Each new piece of information about you that is spread across the globe, each time you use Shamshel's Aspect, you are urging them towards a new path. _Your_ path." Floating through a lift easily, she held herself back from begging, "What must I do, to call you Lover in truth? To have you come to me, to take me? I don't need to be on top. I just need to be needed."

Rei Hino's words echoed in the back of his mind, "I can't trust you." His lips curled down, "You're manipulative. You're selfish. You don't tell me everything you ought to, and I don't know what to ask that you've not told me. You want Creation to exist according to your terms, or not at all." Halting the dance, he stepped back, "I am responsible for more than myself. You insisted I become more than a man, and now it's too late to turn back the clock. I have seen the Multiverse. I have suffered as you have. Why, throughout every variation of my life, were you never there? If you were so interested in me, why didn't you help me…just once. One life that wasn't terrible somehow. Why _this_?" He threw his hands out, showing everything he'd become.

Lilith looked down, her hands folding before her lap, "Because anything lesser wouldn't succeed. I've won, as far as my original plan goes." Her shoulders hefted in a minute shrug, "My children will survive, they will _thrive_. Through you." As she looked back at him, her smile was sad, "The cost was rather high."

"Yet you aren't the one paying it." He struggled against his temper, "You know I love you. You can feel it. But that's not enough. You want my lust. You want me to become some mindless slave to your beauty. You want me to feed you to bursting, so that you can wield your powers over everyone. You don't want equality, Lilith. It's not in your character."

"I'm trying," she snapped. "You aren't inherently the same as I am! _You_ weren't created with a single defined role! I am what I am, and I am trying desperately to change _for you!_ " Pointing angrily at him, she let her voice continue to raise, "I am well aware that I am a petty, vindictive, manipulative, deceitful, bitch. From the very moment of my creation my entire life has revolved around how useful my womb was. I was crafted for _him_ , not because I deserved life…but because he couldn't create it on his own! Those Who Came Before decided that he needed, essentially, a cum dumpster. That, Lover, is what I was designed to be." As his mouth opened, she stepped closer and talked over him, "No. I don't think you view me like that, you idiot. That's why I'm trying to change uncounted years of anger, disgust, and jealousy. I _know_ you shouldn't trust me." Letting her hand drop, she closed her eyes and took several steadying breaths. When she spoke next, it was in a calmer tone of voice, "I want to be the kind of woman you _can_ trust. It will take time. Effort." Looking at him once more, she conveyed her love for him through those luminous portals, "What can I agree to, in order to be given some of your desire? Anything is on the table. Do not think anything at all is beneath or above me."

Shinji knew she was right. Trust took time, and effort. It also required that he reciprocate, even in small steps, so that she knew that she was getting anywhere. No living being could expect to continue hammering away at a mountain if there was no benefit to doing so, working simply to work would destroy even the most determined of minds. He couldn't, however, shake the warning that he not trust any of the shadows in his soul. But did sex require trust? True love required trust, one had to surrender who they were to the other person. Lust…simply required desire. "I don't trust you," he repeated. "But more importantly…my wives don't trust you. Talk to them. Ask them what I might like. Explain why you're doing what you're doing, and what it is you need. Tell them to ask me, if they don't trust you to be telling the truth, and I'll admit that I am open to the idea of sharing with you in limited ways in exchange for what they feel is best."

Blinking several times, she was visibly surprised with what he'd come up with, "You…want me to talk to them, about what I need to do to sleep with the man they don't want me to sleep with?"

"I never said it would be easy," closing the gap between them, he bent down and kissed her lingeringly. _It should, however, be worth it._

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"Does…uhm, does it hurt?" Sakura gently touched the featureless skin over Ireul's missing eye, the introductions between children and Aspects having gone over smoothly thanks to a great deal of support from the women of his house, "It's very smooth."

"Smooth skin, little one, is key to keeping a man interested," the Aspect of Terror announced with a soft, maternal, grin. "I have much in the way of competition for his time, and can't afford to give any advantages to the others."

The second youngest member of the house considered the point gravely, "That does make sense. But if you're, uhm…if you don't live here, I mean on Earth…how do you get water to bathe?"

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Gaghiel and Pen-Pen were standing by the fish tank, the aquatic Aspect and aquatic avian having a discussion regarding the construction of the fish tank, "No, no, you see, I refill it whenever one of the predator species eats too many of the prey species. The children here don't all come from your world, either."

Warking with curiosity, the penguin tapped his claw over one of the cephalopods clinging to the glass.

"Oh, yes. I can understand how that might be true." Dismissing the creature with a thought, he whispered, "Politely don't tell the Great One I did that. I forgot that this was a 'fish' tank, and included some children which were not 'fish'."

Blinking, Pen-Pen began to realize the potential benefits of befriending the childlike being beside him.

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 _You see?_ Kyoko kept one of Sahaquiel's hands in hers, _It's very easy. You hold the appearance in your mind, and let it extend across your body._

"I'm…still a little bigger," the Aspect of Sky lamented.

Nozomi, eager to support what she felt was a new sister, cheered her on, "But you are doing such a good job, Saha-chan! I'm sure Kyoko-nee-san is telling you the same thing."

The normally outsized being smiled with a touch of hope, "She…she is. She s-says that you like coloring things too. M-maybe we could color something?"

 _You see, dear? You don't have to be the same to be friends,_ the spirit was overjoyed that Nozomi's natural personality was inclined towards encouraging her peers, though she hurt to not be able to praise her for it. _Let's make some wonderful art for the refrigerator._

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Sachiel, being one to never overuse the ability to speak, instead displayed his intent to Rose and Ritsuko. Creating the strain of liquid ice within a protective layer of crystal clear water, he gestured to it with a curious tilt to his head.

"That's…I can't say impossible," the human scientist observed the phenomenon with rapt attention, "but certainly not something I had anticipated ever observing. And it's hot?"

"Without the water acting as a barrier for the temperature, it would sanitize most of the nearby city before evaporating," Rose explained for the taciturn Aspect. "It's a real challenge to properly navigate around, but it does a fantastic job of providing power to our ships when our own power sources run low. Thank you, Sachiel. It's a little difficult to demonstrate this without using the mathematical formulae in my own language."

Dismissing everything safely, the ancient colossus inclined its head politely. He thought about asking if she would like more water for her home planet, but then decided he would allow Shinji to broach the topic later on his own.

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Yang stood with Matarael on her shoulder, holding a case for one of her horror movies involving spiders, "You see? If you had four more legs, I'd swear that was you!" Carefully looking down to not dislodge her passenger, she tapped it, "Took over the whole city, eventually had to bomb the surrounding area to stop them from expanding outwards. Last scene of the movie shows a nest in a cavern, and it ends with a spider jumping at the camera to scare the audience."

 _How interesting,_ the Aspect of Rain rubbed its hands together. _And you say that it is common for your species to be afraid of these spiders? But you're so much larger…the spiders must be absolutely terrified that you would crush them without noticing._

"That's the common wisdom parents give to children, actually. 'They are just as afraid of you, as you are of it. Don't mess around with it, because it likely doesn't want to mess around with you.' Teaches children to respect living beings without being afraid of having to deal with them, while respecting that they may be venomous and possibly deadly if they bite you," setting aside the film, she picked up another.

 _It seems somewhat thematic, fear of larger than usual animals,_ Matarael gestured to the next cover. _Rabbits?_

Yang laughed, "Anything can be scary, given the proper atmosphere."

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"The problem seems to be one of physical timing," Israfel Alpha mused, watching as her twin assisted Hikari through a simple series of steps. "It is not impossible to overcome, at all." The golden being looked to Kodama, "You manage it quite well. Did you not attempt to share your knowledge with your sister?"

"It's difficult, as siblings, to admit when we're deficient with something, sometimes. Even as close as Hiki and I are, we don't always like to bring everything to one another." The busty nurse shrugged, "She's a much better singer than I am, I'm a better dancer. In the end, we both landed the best possible man. No harm, no foul."

Hikari repeated the motions under Israfel Beta's tutelage, "I like dancing with Shinji, I loved dancing with Maya because she's just as awkward about the whole thing as I am. Dancing with my sister usually involved trying to twist limbs to cause enough pain to force her to submit."

"That doesn't seem to be an enjoyable form of dancing," Beta tittered. "Perhaps we should continue encouraging less…aggressive forms."

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 _Their growth continues along the optimal path, Weapon._ Sandalphon floated carefully out of everyone's path, striving to keep its fins from drifting too close to anyone, _I have refrained from making any changes, other than those needed to remove potential defects that would discourage good health._

"I thank you for your restraint," Suzuka responded with a pleased smile. "It is likely overwhelming, the urge to 'perfect' those beings which fall under your guidance."

 _I/We. Remind. Often/Frequently,_ Shamshel's gentle teasing of its sibling carried fondness.

"Do you also assist in fertility, Sandalphon-san?" Tsuru had remained interested in the finer details of the enigmatic beings that constituted a not inconsiderable proportion of the man she loved, "Or is just once there is something there to work with, you can…make it better, I guess?"

 _I am also capable of dispensing of the undesirable. Some life simply ought not exist, as it would endure nothing but pain and misery for its short time in Creation's Realm._ Shrugging slightly, the former Angel attempted to explain, _I am capable of encouraging anything with the potential to develop into embryonic life towards doing so. Why? Do you perhaps wish to also carry the Great One's children?_

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"Like that, see?" Kelly rubbed Leliel's back gently, "If you do this, he turns to putty."

The Aspect of Night smiled blissfully, "It does feel nice." She looked to Bardiel, "I don't have her advantage, so I need to step up my game."

"I don't have your drive towards procreation," the Aspect of Fog laughed amicably. "The Poet will bed him before I do, I assure you." A tendril of her hair felt the Irishwoman's clothing, "I simply adore how he clads you all in my being. He shares my gifts so freely, demonstrating his love for me in acts of love for you…it's so warm."

"The Poet?" Pointing to herself, Kelly looked between the two women beside her, "Me?"

"You will take his words and shape them, craft the intent behind the raw words into something powerful, meaningful," Leliel shrugged. "Your duty to him is to help him make the esoteric commonplace, your purpose is written into the aether around you. Also to have a few children." Frowning at Bardiel as her sister flicked her ear, she scowled, "What? That's what Lilin do."

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Maya held her hands a short distance apart, "Naturally occurring on Earth, they aren't much wider than this at most." Holding Akane and Mikoto's attention, she continued the lesson, "That kind of bolt requires a phenomenal amount of energy, which is why he collapsed. He burned through his own reserves, and his S-Two organ, trying to feed Ramiel-kun the energy required."

 _I am no longer bound by that, as he has come to understand that I can assert my own power if he wills me to._ The powerful polygon had shrunk to no larger than a human head, to fit in the building more easily, _We continue to seek new ways to support the Great One. Much like each of you. The Advisor through guile and wit, both of you warriors through training and skill. I admire both, though, please do not take me to mean that either is less necessary than the other._

Akane smirked, "It's ok. I'd rather succeed through guile and wit than have to pull out my weapon and shoot the problem. Less paperwork afterwards, if nothing else."

"So, Ramiel-san," Mikoto fidgeted slightly, leaning in and whispering, "what am I? If Maya-san is 'The Advisor', and Aka-chan is 'The Shadow'…. Am I something stupid?"

 _You are The Assassin, his hand in the dark that prunes those evils which the law is not allowed to touch._ Ramiel shimmered with indignation, _Should any deem you 'stupid', kindly inform me so that I may correct their misconception. Your duty to him requires great sacrifice, planning, and diligence. I daresay you are essential to good order!_

"It is ok, Ramiel-kun," Maya lightly touched him, stroking one of his faces gently. "We're all nervous as to our places in his life, and humans tend to be uneasy when we don't know what is expected of us. Nobody here thinks Mikoto-kun is anything but a valuable addition to our family."

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"Really?" Misato winced, "I'm sorry, Nicki. That's every lady's nightmare."

The blonde agent shrugged, letting her mouth bunch off to one side, "What can I do, though? My mother was predisposed towards being opposed to this kind of relationship. I love her to death, but she carries her own baggage into every discussion she ever has with anyone else. It's kind of why I left home."

Arael, perched on Shinji's shoulder, clacked her beak, _We are not responsible for our forebears. Your place at his side is required, your presence essential to his success. Dance as he needs, and let your matron come to the truth of her own free will._

"Reasonable advice, Arael, but not practical." Shinji rubbed Nicolette's back, smiling in understanding, "We'll just have to work harder to show her that I'm not abusing you, and you're happy where you are."

"I would, at least, hope to have a better relationship with my children," Eve eyed her daughter askance. "Everyone makes mistakes, and as dear Shinji shows it is never too late to try and improve things so that everyone is happier." She gave Misato a hopeful smile, "His Lilin companions have done wonders to help him through this very trying time."

The sub-commander grunted, still irritated that the day had started on the foot it had, "We'll all see, I guess."

"Peace is possible." Lilith gestured between herself and Eve, "Neither of us is sniping at one another, and we're both…hopeful that those who live in this house can find happiness. If ancient enemies can find common ground tonight, surely you can make more of an effort?"

Nicki raised her hand slightly, "So…what does 'The Dancer' do? I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm fine with dancing with, or for, Shinji any time he wants. But…how does that help?"

"You will ease his spirit, or inspire him. Entertain his guests, or show them his power. Distract his mind from his troubles, or draw him towards your bedchamber." The Matron of Night twirled her fingers through the air, "You accompany his music, amplify it, embody it. He will have troubles upon troubles, and will rely on your smiles to show him that they are not all that exists in the world."

 _An important role, and one that should not be underappreciated,_ Arael stomped on his shoulder firmly.

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With the food eaten, the leftovers put away, and the various groups transiting around to speak with different people, Shinji was allowed to step back and simply enjoy watching his family. Whether it was those who had experienced, or were about to experience, motherhood, or those who were more inclined towards the youthful life, or those who had a keen interest in music and art, or those who had carried the burdens of leadership, there were always new permutations of beings to speak with one another. It hurt, in a way, that there were still two beings who wouldn't make themselves a part of the group, but he accepted his gift and refrained from dwelling on the negative.

From time to time, he thought about calling over one or another of the women to speak to alone, and then thought better of it. The more he watched them, the more he felt comfortable simply being alone. They were happy, they were soothing sorrows, they were sharing burdens. They were thankful for one another. The night needn't include him further. Leaning back in the chair he occupied at the dining room table, he closed his eyes and rested his head, _They don't need me._

With his eyes closed, he didn't see nearly every being in the room look over to him with confusion. The statement itself was worrying, but combined with the sense of relief he felt it became a new source of conversation and debate. There was a potential for it to be a form of progress, of accepting his role in their lives. It could also mean he was slipping further into despair. With his eyes closed, and his head resting against the wall, he looked as if he could be asleep, and a sub-strain of conversation began as to whether it might be worthwhile to send someone over to ask him, or to at least check and see if he was unconscious.

Kyoko and Arael watched, rather than engaging with the rest, observing the varying levels of confidence on display. Both had come to an unspoken agreement that they were responsible for pushing him more proactively than the others, and they were equally confident that his statement was one of simple contentment. He knew his life would require that he not be 'central' to their daily lives, and he worried about how things might hold up when he was doing what he must to keep everyone alive. Looking to each other, they smiled and said simultaneously, _He's learning._

+++++ Author's Notes:

SK: RE: Asuka's Issues.

Cross my fingers everyone accepts the end result.

Guy:

RE: My Fanfic.

Thank you for taking the time to read it, I appreciate that it's become rather unwieldy.

RE: Asuka.

She has more friends than she thinks she does, though she makes it hard on them.

TheHiddenLettuce:

RE: Arael.

She's been a challenge to write so far, I'm glad she's come across properly.

RE: Kyoko.

She has the benefit of maturity, and the access to his mind in a way that most of the ladies in the house just don't. She, however, is very much a part of her daughter's personality and doesn't tend to put up with stupid.

origamishishou:

RE: Asuka's Window Choices.

Bi-polar is a serious problem, and it doesn't make people's lives easy. I'm writing from experience, there, as two of the people I love suffer from the condition I have…sources of inspiration.

RE: Kyoko.

Death, in her case, resolved a number of extant issues that she's finding freedom from. She does, however, find herself drawn to the man she's tied to. It's Shinji, what can they do but fall in love?

RE: Eve and Lilith.

Oh that game has been fun to write, and it's going to get even better for me.


	127. Chapter 127

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With the volume on the electronic piano turned down, despite the soundproofing rendering the gesture mostly meaningless, Shinji sat alone playing through a wide variety of genres. The world was quiet, the house in bed, his duties complete. Each chord, each note, each motion was ecstasy, as it was another step towards the most elusive of prey: calm. The breadth of emotions he felt, song after song, no longer cluttered his mind with anger or pain. There was joy, sadness, hope, despair, love, rage, and everything in between.

In the half of an hour he played, his mind felt more uncluttered than he'd remembered it ever being. As his fingers danced along a sprightly waltz, he chuckled, "She was right." His chest felt less tight, his jaw less sore. Music, that most complex of creations, soothed his savage soul.

Trailing off, his brow knit as he thought through his next actions. Love, and the trust it required, was very clearly felt for each of the women in his household. Lust, too, held vast tracts of land. There wasn't a single woman of age he sheltered that didn't inspire both, though the degree to which they did one or the other was different. He could feel it from them. Nearly taste it. "Lily says I'm…."

He stood from the piano, and was moving before he could prevent himself from continuing. If he was absorbing it, somehow, then that meant that…. And there it was. In the master bedroom, he could feel his wives sharing with one another. He'd tuned it out, focused on his playing. Hikari, Suzuka, and Rose were all working off excess energy, and the concept was not only pleasant to his mind, but also bolstered his energy itself. He was becoming stronger for their efforts.

Further down the hall, he felt the other two 'wives', which was becoming a less apt delineator. Maya and Kodama were, haltingly, discovering what they would about one another. Love, and lust, were broadcasting out as far as their souls would go. Touching the wall between the rooms and the hall, he smiled fondly. He could join either, or any of them. He could insert himself into what was a wonderful, beautiful, exploration of life. "That would be selfish."

Extending his awareness, he discovered that in two more rooms, there was different types of love being shared. Misato and Ritsuko, though not sexually engaged, were still tied in an embrace as they slumbered. The sub-commander holding her oldest friend tight to her, and taking comfort from her presence. It felt right, just, and true. It also, however, did remind him that he wasn't pure of mind. The thought of stepping into that room and allowing himself to absorb the affections of two women crafted to exude sensuality was powerful.

Kelly, on the other hand, had decided to spend the night with Nozomi and Sakura. Holding both young girls in a very maternal manner, she broadcasted her affections for their innocence and the hopes she hid that she might soon know what it was to be a mother herself. A part of him wanted to enter that room too, to hold them all close and bask in Team Rainbow's uncomplicated love. To keep his right hand in his arms and let her know that he agreed. That they should all be a family. He shook his head, again not wishing to insert himself into something that was already good.

The last room on that side held two of his agents, bonds of blood and honor lashing them together. Whatever it was they were discussing was important, and their feelings for one another complex. He wished them well, and dismissed them from his thoughts. They were doing their duty, and bringing them into his world at the moment would be an obstacle they didn't need.

His hand was already knocking on the door before he could stop himself, the offer still in his mind from the night before. The part of his mind that would forever abhor what he was becoming rebelled against the action, the part of his mind that had begun to understand what he was being told instead called out, _Nicki_?

A few seconds later, the door slid to, just enough for her to lean against the frame and smile knowingly, her eyebrow raised in an open offer, "Was there something I could do for you, Sugar?" The affected accent was followed by her wrinkling her nose and smiling more broadly, "I'm glad that I wasn't raised where they were. That accent drives me bananas, so lazy."

Taking her cue, he opened the door wide enough that he could step through and close it behind him, "I like the way you speak, it's…you." Cupping her face with his hands, he genuflected towards his conscience, "I…need. Very badly. But I'm not the only vote."

"If you aren't inside of me in the next five minutes, I'm likely going to cry myself to sleep," she whispered. "My mother can go hang. You belong to me, just as much as any of them. If I shake my ass, I know you'll come calling."

Lowering his hands to pick her up, he carried her to the Western-style bed she preferred. Laying her down, he kissed her tenderly, _How can I worship you, Nicki? What can I give you, to be worthy of what you're about to gift to me?_

Returning, and amplifying, his desire, she moaned out, _Well…Hikari has mentioned your silver tongue…._

+++++ 15th Angel + 1: Friday (118)

He was surprised, as he walked out of her room, at how quickly she'd fallen asleep after only a short time with one another, "An hour and a half…she shouldn't be exhausted." As soon as she'd collapsed he'd checked her pulse, her breathing, and everything was as it should be. Searching his memories, he knew there were some people that when they became overexcited they tended to faint, but figured Nicki would never have made it to being an Agent if blood pressure changes caused that kind of syncope. "Odd."

There was only one other person now awake, that he could feel, and after a second's deliberation, his course was set. It sounded like she'd been interested earlier, she'd expressly spelled out as much. Forgoing the physical action, he instead called out, _Tsuru? Can I come in?_

A startled reply followed quickly, _Oh! I…uhm, just a minute!_ Thirty seconds later, she opened the door in a floor-length nightgown, her hands quickly clasped behind her back, "I'm sorry, my prince, I…well, I needed to…uhm…."

"I was hoping to take a bath," he quickly decided he didn't need to know what she was doing in the privacy of her own room. "The master bedroom is…cramped, I think. I could sense you were still awake, and thought-" The rest of his sentence was cut off by her grabbing his shirt and pulling him into the room. When the door closed behind him, and as she ushered him towards her bath, he reversed their positions fluidly, spinning around behind her and scooping her off the floor, "Thank you. I know it's late, and you probably wanted to get some sleep."

Studiously keeping her left hand wrapped in her clothing, she stroked his chin with her right, "Oh I'm just…oh fuck it." Tilting his chin down between her thumb and forefinger, she raised her eyebrows, "Farmgirl. Claim. _Mine_." Her face was in full blush, though her song spoke easily of what she wanted, "Tell me, Shinji, _please_ tell me that you're doing this because you want to…not because I'm…because I'm being Kajima-san…."

He couldn't imagine a woman she was further from, "May I undress you?" Each woman in his life required a different touch, and Tsuru more than any of them was a bundle of contradictions. She knew, through life on the farm, exactly where babies came from. There was no mystery to either the act or the repercussions. Her peer group, as well, was far more likely to pair off well before she had found her way into his circle. However, she still hoped for the romance, the mystique, and he would ever bend his every effort to giving them what they wanted.

The way her smile touched her lips held nothing in comparison to the way her eyes glowed as she nodded. This was happening. Her hopes coming to a head. He wasn't going to make her wait until she held her diploma. He wasn't going to frown when she touched him. He wasn't, "Oh…my…." His hands, having run her nightgown along her body, caressed with a musician's touch those spots on her body that no other man save the old village doctor had, and Shinji wasn't engaged in medically necessary procedures. The lingering manner he moved his fingers in set her to shaking slightly, "Sh-Sh-Shinji…please…."

"I love how cute you are, here," the happiness in his voice made up for the childish adjective. Moving his hands past her waist, and continuing his exploration of her form, he looked up with growing lust, "Every part of you fits… _you_. Long legs, slender hips, and…I will be honest, I didn't think your breasts were that large."

Fear seized her, "I-is that bad?" Reduction surgeries were possible, but she'd always thought them small already! Hikari's were enormous, and Kodama's, Misato's, hell even Ritsuko's…and that damn Angel flaunting her shapeshifting- The feel of his lips on her flesh, his tongue gently touching, collapsed any functional thought down to a single repeated, _More_.

 _No,_ he sent mentally, _they're perfect…just like the rest of you._ Tugging the cloth the rest of the way off her body, he banished his own clothing. He was able to piece together easily why she'd not been quick to answer the door, and why she'd kept her left hand away from him. In an effort to show that he didn't feel she was doing anything wrong, and that he didn't find her disgusting at all, he gently took that hand in his and guided it to his most prominent body part at the moment. The instant contact was made, he was glad that pain wasn't something he had to bother with, save for life-threatening circumstances. Naïve, or simply anxious, she clamped hard onto him, her hand twitching with competing and confused impulses. Standing from where he'd been giving attention, he kissed her neck, then whispered, "May I wash you?"

Her head jerked, in an approximation of affirmation, and she was glad that her husband would be strong enough to carry her easily as she knew her legs wouldn't bother trying at the moment. Reluctantly relinquishing her grip on that most interesting of his limbs, she let him sit her down on the stool and tried to add something to the experience, "You…uhm…. You think…cute?"

"I do, though I probably should have found a better word to use," using his hands to run soap along her body, he began to massage her flesh. "I'm sorry, if that made you feel self-conscious."

The man of her dreams was washing her body, which informed her reply of, "Oh…I'm _fine_." Allowing him to take the lead, she luxuriated in the pampering, "This is what I've always wanted, you know? A good husband. Strong. Handsome. Brave. Not afraid to show his emotions, and willing to treat me like a woman." Breathing in deep as he worked his hands between her legs, she hissed out, "Jusssst, like that."

"You don't mind?" He was certain of the answer, but it didn't hurt to check, "You'll let me make this about you?"

"Oh, my prince, I'll let you do anything you want…so long as you're doing it to me," lust began to grow in her gaze. "I know you've got more experience than I do…that just means you know how to make this feel wonderful. The only thing I ask, in return, is I want you to tell me you love me…often. I want to hear your voice every time I remember this night."

Sluicing off the soap with water he'd made certain would be warm, he nodded solemnly, "That, I can certainly do."

+++++ 15th Angel + 0: Thursday (119)

Once was an oddity. Twice was a coincidence. His wife had once said she didn't believe in those, and to be frank he was beginning to agree with her. Tsuru hadn't lasted half as long as Nicolette before collapsing, and that was worrying enough that he needed to consult someone with enough experience to be forthright with him. Lying down with the farmgirl, holding her gently in his arms, he turned his mind inwards and visited his soul.

Sitting at the table before him as he arrived, with a warm smile and a happy set to her shoulders, was exactly who he'd needed to speak with, "Kyoko…am I worrying over nothing, or-"

"It's abnormal," she nodded, her smile never fading. "You did the right thing, checking their pulse and breathing. Both are good, healthy, young women who should not have experienced what it is that they have. Now, that does not make it your fault. It might be, somehow, that your odd physiology is overwhelming their adaptability. This might simply be inexperience in dealing with someone who, from what I can see, is essentially a being handcrafted to coax lust and romance out of any woman he touches. The concerning thing, from my perspective, is that you aren't feeling satisfied."

He frowned, "I enjoyed-"

"You want more," she clarified, motioning him to silence. "Satiated, perhaps, would be a better choice of words."

"I'm not waking someone up just to try and gather more data," he droned. "Yes, I want more. I feel…good, though. Less achy? Like the universe isn't sitting on my chest."

Her face went dangerously flat, "Why would you need to wake someone up?"

Shinji's eyes joined her face, "Kyoko, we just met, from my perspective. You are the _mother_ of a woman who I would have happily done this with not two days ago. I understand that we might be moving towards intimacy, and that I'm starting to understand how intimacy should work between consenting people in a relationship, but I'm not the kind of man who just rushes headlong into every amazingly gorgeous woman I know!" Crossing his arms, he leaned forward slightly, "I'm cheap, as they say, I'm not easy."

Fighting and losing against a laugh, her mouth quirked until she was stomping her feet and cackling with joy. Teleporting in the way that she could, she latched her arms around his neck and kissed him fondly, _I had meant that you could speak to Israfel. Or to Ireul, or Leliel. I get the feeling Bardiel is still enjoying herself too much to move further along._ Breaking it off, she wrapped her legs around his waist, "Amazingly gorgeous, hmm?"

Blushing a deep crimson, he couldn't look away from the dynamically motivated woman he found himself holding nose to nose, "I…yeah."

Though her gaze sparkled with mirth, her tone sobered, "I'm not in a rush." Working her fingers behind his neck, massaging away the misunderstanding, she smiled gently, "I have all the time I want, and simply knowing that you're not repulsed by me is enough for now. When we do, and I do mean _when_ , it will be because we both want to. I haven't been mortal for a very, very long time…. I'm used to waiting, though I might not wait for long," her nose scrunched flirtatiously.

+++++ 15th Angel + 0: Thursday (119)

The Realm of Night was a place of quiet, but not stillness. Sound traveled further in the cool air, and those creatures which moved about to stalk their prey needed to always be mindful of that. As Shinji roamed through an alien forest, with glowing bioluminescence all about in the form of flowers and fungus, he marveled at the changes that had been wrought in only a month of absence. The preserve, as it seemed to be, was both clean and beautiful. The sky above unobstructed by clouds, the paths ahead well-manicured. "I'm sorry I didn't have the chance to watch this grow into being," he stated aloud, anticipating the looming threat from behind him.

Caught out by her prey, Leliel sighed and flounced over instead of pouncing as she'd intended, "Spoilsport."

As she rounded his shoulder, he pulled her into a kiss like none he'd ever given her. Reversing her trap, surprising her with affection, he fulfilled his debt to the prickly flower who'd done nothing to deserve his anger about the day they'd met. Riding out her initial shock, and then holding his balance against her amorous advance, he guided her towards a more even balance between the competing forces of love and lust.

He'd long felt as if she were younger than him, in a way, which had reduced his desire to push forward with any intimacy. Her sullen behavior, childish in more than mannerisms, had given her an air of immaturity which had created that misconception. Kyoko's statement of mortality had, as much of her commentary, reminded him that he was still viewing life through mortal eyes. The distance between cradle and grave drove headlong, ever forward, and forced so many of his habits to the fore that he knew would trouble him if he didn't take steps to prevent their hold. Steps such as pulling the Aspect in his arms tighter against him, running his hand eagerly along her back.

 _Please…please more…._ Fingers gripped his shirt tight, quivering with hopeful restraint, _I've been so good. I've been patient…. I can give you so much, let me give you more!_ When he lifted free of her lips, she pushed herself against him harshly, "No…no no…please, don't leave me wanting any longer…." The clothing she preferred vanished, as did his own, "You see? I'm soft, smooth like you prefer…." He felt the idea click into place in her mind, "I know! I know what you'd like!" Stepping back, her floor-length hair obscuring her bounty, she gestured quickly to a grassy hillock, covering the crest with a blanket and pillows, "Come, please, over here."

As she turned, his hand held tight, she showed that the view from the rear was not obstructed in the slightest. A modicum of shame floated through his psyche, at the pleasure he took from what was an inhumanly perfect posterior shimmying as she hurried them to where he wasn't fighting at all from arriving at. He wanted this. He wanted _her_. He wanted to see her radiate with happiness, see her genuinely smile with the love he held for her.

Forcing him down onto the blanket, so that his head was supported by several of the pillows, she quickly moved astride him, hoping that if she moved rapidly enough he wouldn't be able to think to say 'No'. "I was talking with Kyoko, earlier. She told me that you might prefer it if I showed you how badly I need this." Her smile turned playful, "But I think…maybe…you prefer not seeing anything." Purposefully setting her hair across his eyes, she blinded him with gossamer strands of the starlit night sky given form.

His sight taken from him, the blindfold held in place only by gravity and the request from his partner that he not remove it, he began to feel her actions with far greater intensity. Every touch, every breath, every shift of air as she went about proving that she wanted just as badly as he did, all carved into his brain the simple realization that perhaps he really did have a hidden preference. Forced to move cautiously, he explored her form with timid fingers as she took everything she'd long wanted from him. His heart pounding in time with her motions, her pulse racing at his touch, hours, days, weeks might have passed in the interim.

"You're mine, Shinji," she whispered sibilantly, "all of this…belongs to me." Increasing her pace, she laid down atop him and placed her lips by his ear, "Tell me. Tell me who I belong to." The tip of her tongue drew his earlobe between her lips, _Tell me…now._

"Y-you," he wanted so badly to claim her. To announce to the Night that she was his to touch, to hold, to pleasure. But he couldn't bring himself to deny her agency, "You h-have t-t-to b-belong…." He wanted to. He _needed_ to. Her body was tender pleasure. Her voice was liquid joy. Her scent was heaven, and her taste was bliss. He couldn't claim her…it would belittle her. He had to have her for himself…his and his alone.

 _Tell me who I belong to,_ the warmth of her mouth as she sucked on his ear caused him to curl his fingers into the blanket beneath him. His mind began to blank as her teeth pressed ever so gently down on their victim, _Say the words._ She was everywhere on his body. Touching, teasing, gripping, squeezing. The accumulated knowledge of countless beings engaging in nocturnal recreation was, just as much as dreams, hers to command, and she was commanding it to express her heart's desire. _Whose. Woman. Am. I?_

Half of the world faded to blue, the other to red. He saw nothing but an odd amalgam of flames and frost, a vast expanse of hot and cold spreading beyond him. He was formless, he was bounded. Life flowed from him to grace everything it touched with life, light, and love…death cut a swath through creation to bring loss, darkness, and finality. There was hope and agony, inevitability and sanctity. His mind could see the future, his eye could see the past.

Leliel's yearning scream brought him back to the present, to the world of Night, to a much different position than the one he'd been in before his vision had decided to take the band in a different direction, "L-Leliel?" She was bent down before him, on her knees and well engaged with his own body. The Aspect of Night panted, sweating, her hair in his grip and being used to constrict her neck.

His fear that she'd been harmed somehow was assuaged when she looked back and smiled with delirious bliss, "Mmmm…I…." Catching her breath, she pressed herself up to rest her back against his chest, "That…was worth waiting for." Freeing herself to turn and face him, she ran her fingers across the cold flames of his broken eye, "I don't normally like light, but this is kind of cute." Kissing just below the orb, she giggled, "I love how it feels when I touch it."

"What," blinking, he realized that half of her face was glowing with an ethereal glow, "w-what…happened?"

+++++ 15th Angel + 0: Thursday (119)

"Shinji dear, _everyone_ heard that." Ireul sat at the table with a few of the other Aspects, having resumed her place at Shinji's side despite the Aspect of Night's protests, "We may thank our luck that his physical form remains locked in place, and that no harm has come to the woman he holds in the waking world."

Kyoko, sitting on his other side, kept toying with his fingers as she spoke, "I heard some deeply engaged people during my time in University, but that particular performance tops them all." Closing his hand into a fist, she sighed, "So what you're telling me, though, is you didn't _intend_ to do that. You…blanked out, more or less, and took charge of Leliel-chan in a way that still has her wobbly in the knees?"

 _Perhaps a review of the event?_ Arael increased her size tenfold, extending one wing and projecting upon the feathers a bird's eye view of the proceedings from the moment he set foot in the Realm of Night.

"You were…." Aghast, he looked at the Aspect of Birds, " _Arael_!"

The White Raven was unconcerned with his discontent, _I cannot advise on what I do not witness. I see most, hear much, and care little for your prudish nature. The desire to mate is inherent to your humanity, and the act is nothing I have not witnessed uncounted times. I am not judging you, or your performance of the act, I believed this might occur and did not wish to leave it unseen by any but my forgetful sister._

"I see you took my advice," Kyoko patted the table, drawing Leliel's smile out. "I'm glad that worked out well. Blinding him with your hair was a nice touch, too."

Mortified, he clamped his eyes shut and ducked his head down, "Kill me, please."

"There," Ireul leaned forward, gesturing towards the scene. "You were kissing his ear and his eye started to glow. Do you remember what you said?"

"Uhm…." Leliel chuckled uncomfortably, "I…uhm…I forgot?"

Shinji opened his eyes, the glow on his left having continued unabated, and saw himself engaged with a woman he dearly loved. The act projected for all to see, and weakly, he answered the question, "She asked me to tell her…whose…."

"Oh, right!" His partner for the evening clapped her hands, "That's when he screamed out in pleasure that I was his woman. Clamped his hands on my hips and really drove-"

" _Leliel!_ " Fear that he might start bleeding through his pores for the amount he was blushing caused him to try and slink lower in his seat, "This…I was supposed to be able to come here and not have others know what I was doing."

 _They will not, when you engage with your Lilin mates. We, however, are far too interconnected to not notice when another is receiving power in the amounts you fed into her._ Arael's feathers ruffled slightly, _It is well that I prefer this form. Tempting as it may be to taste this strength, it would bias my perceptions and taint my advice._

As the recording began playing once more, Kyoko leaned forward to see past Shinji to Ireul, "How does this feed power to you? Aren't you able to reach out beyond him to all of reality by now?"

"It's less about the act and more about the emotional release he undergoes." Hugging his side, Ireul patted Shinji's chest, "The joy you feel when someone you care about tells you that you're special to them is life to us. Our transcension makes it even more so. His good opinion of us, the love and lust and fondness, amplifies what Creation provides in ways that our father never did, or possibly could."

Watching his actions Shinji tried to rationalize how any of what he had done would translate to any sort of positive emotional state. His eye blazing with light, he had positioned the still-giggling Aspect of Night physically. There was no tenderness, no gentle giving, no precautions taken to avoid hurting someone he'd promised to cherish and protect. There was savagery and animalistic brutality.

And yet, four powerful, intelligent, confident women sat and watched with him, all taking turns to either proudly declare that they'd experienced similar, or profess jealousy that it was Leliel who'd stumbled across his passions first. Even playing the scene at twice the speed, it still took hours before the part he next remembered. Where he sat back on his haunches, aghast and trying desperately to apologize for a crime he couldn't remember. Where she'd turned around and kissed him with passion befitting a woman irrevocably in love.

"I…I did all of that." He couldn't hide from it, not after seeing what he'd done. He couldn't deny that nobody but him was mortified. And as much as he wanted to…he couldn't argue that his urges had diminished. "Am I really… _that_?"

 _No. At least, not in whole._ Settling her wing back in place, and reducing her size to her typical larger-than-usual raven, Arael preened her feathers to readjust them comfortably, _No being is ever as simple as one specific component of their whole. Even we Aspects are far more dynamic than your preconceived notions would allow. My sister, for example,_ she tilted her head towards Leliel, _is both youthful and mature. Elegant and petulant. Eager to lead and, as you yourself witnessed just now, eager to be led._

"Shinji, there's nothing wrong with you having a desire to be more masculine," Kyoko picked up the thread. "So long as you aren't cruel, or arrogant, many of the women you've spent an evening with would probably love it if you pushed them down and dominated them. Others, of course, likely prefer your timid nature. It's up to her as much as it is you, and having the flexibility to be both tender or tough as your partner would prefer is a strength, not a weakness."

"I assure you, Maya would love you eternally if you did half of what you've done tonight with her," Ireul moved to sit on the table, facing him fully. "This might well be what's caused so much of your suffering, my love. Denying any part of your being is as good as denying yourself entirely. We are none of us as good as we believe, nor as terrible as we fear. You've allowed your light side to dominate your entire life. Maybe, for the sake of everyone who loves you, you might try to allow your darkness to show through."

"After all," Leliel smiled brightly, the opportunity to make a valid point presenting itself, "I'm darkness incarnate. I wouldn't say I was evil, or mean, or cruel, or any of that nonsense…would you?" Batting her eyelashes and tilting her shoulders seductively, she shared a winsome smile, "I'm Daddy's Good Girl. He said so himself."

The latest resident of his soul clapped her hands together with a broad smile, "Let's test it out! Verify for yourself that we're telling the truth." Leaning forward, she began to detail out a plan that would serve dual purposes. If they were right, he would receive acclaim and boost someone's morning. If the problems he'd had where both Nicki and Tsuru had collapsed were somehow related to his feeling of satisfaction at the moment, then he'd have all the more reason to not hold himself back all the time. The way she seemed eager to have him continue, however, was unnerving.

+++++ 15th Angel + 1: Friday (120)

Freeing his arm, and laying Tsuru down so that she was comfortably positioned, Shinji smiled wistfully at the silly grin the young woman still held on her lips. Bending down and kissing her cheek, he whispered a final, "I love you," before moving to the bathroom for a quick shower. He still had some time before he and Suzuka were due for their sparring session, and the desire not to be disrespectful to any of the women in his life by approaching them with the possible scent of any other woman in his life was too strong to ignore. He might have to change how he looked at his life, he might even have to accept changing how he approached it…but he would not compromise on the respect he owed them. Ever.

Wrapping himself in Bardiel's best, he slipped out of the room and waited at the end of the hall. His eldest wife, a creature of habit, soon made her appearance from the nearby door. Not giving up the element of surprise, he scooped her off her feet and carried her down the hall to her bedroom. Grateful to the engineering team for the doors being whisper quiet, he had her in the room and into her bathroom before she'd managed to do more than blink in surprise. Undressing her purposefully, he finally spoke a simple, "Good morning, Miss Ikari. I thought, perhaps, instead of training after a night of heavy eating, we might instead practice our meditations together." Running both hands along her belly, beaming an honest smile at the reminder that she was carrying life he'd helped create, he looked down into her eyes with his heart out front, "We spend most of our time together fighting. I think I'd like to spend a little becoming closer to a woman I adore."

"I…believe I might be convinced to set aside today's practices," she answered with more than a touch of curiosity in her song. "If you promise to not make a habit of insisting we allow ourselves to grow rust."

"Agreed," helping her over to the stool, he shifted his clothing to a bath attendant's. Picking up her preferred soaps and the cloths she'd insisted were better to the more modern variations, he set about firmly washing the mother of his children. "Have I ever told you, Little Deer, that I have often wished I could reverse time? I would go back to when your mother was still alive, and offer to build a shrine to her for gifting the world, and eventually me, with a woman that I ache at the thought of living without?" Trailing kisses down the arm he sluiced the soap from, he lingered over the backs of her knuckles, "A woman I look at and think the most…improper thoughts of."

Allowing her body to be manipulated and doted upon, the eternal swordswoman eyed him searchingly, "I am not opposed to such reminders, from time to time."

 _I can do this. It's not wrong. You're carrying my children. We're happy._ Speaking the words mentally so he didn't have to 'break character', he let slip enough to show that he knew he was acting oddly, "I can tell, a bit around the waist, that you carry them. It's…." His voice quieted to a whisper, " _Naughty_ …but that makes me…desire you more." Blurting out the last bit as he finished cleansing her, he lifted her into a bridal carry and walked into the water as his clothes melted away. Seating himself so that she could rest on his lap, he set her legs around his hips and interlocked their fingers, "And so…we should meditate. To clear our minds of such things."

He could feel her irritation. He had pushed all of the right buttons, had shown her without admitting as much that he knew what she was about in the house. However, he'd trapped her in asking that they meditate together. This was training. Practice. And it was as important as their physical discipline to have the mental fortitude to overcome any worldly distractions. "Of course, dear heart. Obligations before-" The sudden motion of something between her legs caused her to stop, and blink in surprise, "Pleasure?"

"You are far more advanced at focusing despite distractions. It's only fair that I practice using my various abilities," maintaining the slowly rolling bar of water he'd set in motion, he added a warm, gentle, rain falling along her back, "and give you something to truly challenge you."

His fingers gently rolled along her hips, teasing her towards him. Everything he did seemed designed to entice her towards something other than what his words, which she judged to be honest in their intent, implied. Biting down on her tongue, she closed her eyes and allowed him to play. It was pleasurable, and if he'd taken a random liking towards making mischief she could indulge him for being driven enough to…. "That is not meditative." The feel of his tongue slowly twirling around her increasingly erect nipple shoved her back towards square one, her mind once again no longer interested in blanking itself.

 _I can't hold back if I'm going to truly challenge you,_ pulling her hips towards him until he just touched her, he allowed them to sit unconnected as he explored her body with his fingers. _You're skilled. Deadly. Mysterious despite all I know about you. Of any woman in the house you are the most capable of challenging me at anything you choose to physically._

Her fingers twined in his hair, massaging his scalp as he switched to the other breast, "This…is not…hmmm…meditative."

 _I said 'should',_ sliding her that last several centimeters, he joined them as one, lifting his head up to allow her to press against him fully. With his cheek atop her head, he fought against his fears and anxieties while reveling in the sensation of her touch, "And we should. We really should. But…I have other things I'd like to do, as well." With that, he set the water to holding them firmly upright and dropped them both into his soul.

+++++ 15th Angel + 1: Friday (120)

Several days, or moments, later they stood once again in the waking world. As he toweled off his wife, he went through the actual reasoning for his actions, "You're still awake, and you didn't seem to collapse after we _compromised_. How are you feeling?"

"Like a woman whose husband desires her," kissing him gently, she took her turn toweling him off. "This, Little Bear, is the kind of trust I yearn for from you. You needed to test someone, and so you came to me. Even though I bear our children, you did not hesitate to pick who you felt was strongest."

"If anyone can recover from something bad…." He nodded, "It didn't answer all of our questions, though one data point has never made much of an analysis." Blowing out his cheeks, he fought against the blush that was threatening him at the way she lingered at her task, "I'm…going to need to… _compromise_ with several women before we know for certain."

"Including in the real world," she agreed quickly. "We will not make a production out of the issue, and I assure you your lady loves are not sitting there stewing in misery as you show those you choose the kind of joys you feel for their presence." Tapping his nose, she smiled, "However…starting the morning with several days of lingering sex might be my new favorite thing about being married to you."

He chuckled dryly, "That sentence would not make much sense in almost any other context, you know that right?"

+++++ 15th Angel + 1: Friday (120)

Hikari woke up in a manner she no longer often found herself: alone. Blinking slowly as she scanned the room, she could neither see nor hear any signs of life in the bedroom or bathroom. It caused a rather tangled chain of emotions, the longer she dwelled on the numbers on her phone's display. She knew, by the schedule, Shinji and Suzuka would be training. Which explained the departure of one of the two women she'd fallen asleep with. Rose, on the other hand, had once again up and left without telling anyone. "Surrounded by lovers," she sighed as she curled into a seated position, "and yet none of them but Shinji ever tell me why they leave."

According to the clock, she had another five minutes before her husband's allotted time with their wife was done for the morning. Pursing her lips, she contemplated asking him to cut it short, and pamper her instead. He'd come, because he loved her, but it would set a terrible tone for what was supposed to be a school day. It would also show that she was coming to realize how busy life was with so many people all needing his time.

"I did this to myself," she slapped her cheeks. "I don't get to complain." Standing slowly, she kept chastising herself, "He is not the only person around for me to love. Rose, or Maya, or Suzuka. Tsuru and I ought to spend more time together," the idea seemed pleasant, and improved her mood quickly. "She and I can move ahead, now that-" The door opening startled her, and the embarrassment of possibly being caught talking to herself locked her in place.

Her husband, somehow, had left the sparring practice he should be at early, just as she'd desired but not spoken of. Closing the door and flowing over, he picked her up from the bed and moved her to sit upon the edge of their writing desk. Before she could even squeak in surprise, her panties had been dispensed with and the most enjoyable sensation swelled out of the way he kissed her in greeting. She didn't know what to do. With her hands, her own lips, her lungs…nothing would allow her to be pleasantly coy, or charming, or even express her gratitude that he clearly was rather enamored of her presence.

It was the left foot that first took action, running itself along his back as his fingers played her thigh like the cello he hadn't touched in months. Spying what its partner in locomotive design was managing, her right took up the plan and engaged in a similar display. It was neither coordinated nor particularly graceful, it also did not manage to last very long, as she was suddenly pulled to where she laid back on the desk and introduced to the next event.

Joy, elation, delight, whatever concept she might have termed what was occurring seemed insufficient to having an itch scratched without once having spoken a word to her husband. She had wanted his presence, and here he was. She had desired his touch, and he'd filled it in more than one way. She wanted to thank him, and her voice failed her. She wanted to beg him to forgive her for not being able to give him more, for needing others around to stop her from failing him. She wanted-

The feel of his hand on her breast muted everything else. He hadn't slowed, hadn't changed the rhythm of their union, and still found a way to make it all the more thrilling for her. She knew he was speaking to her, her ears buzzed with what must be his voice. The creak of the wood beneath her, the bump-bump-bump of the desk against the wall, she could hear the unmistakable sounds of their union, but his voice…his voice was just out of hearing.

Despair filled her suddenly as he stopped, the brief loss of connection enough to raise the specter of her not being enough for his needs. His face, the set of it, professed a man dissatisfied with the art before him. When, instead, she was gently lifted, the desk swept clean, and then flipped to lie face down upon its surface, she exulted in the relief that followed their renewed conjoining. He wasn't upset with her, or what she gave him. He was seeking new avenues to perform those things that-

His hair swept loose along her shoulder as he arched his back to whisper words she'd never thought to hear from him, "I want you. I _need_ you." Touching everywhere, feeling everything, his voice was everything yet barely a murmur in her ear, "All of you. Please…. Please, give me more…."

She could hardly breathe, her knees turned to jelly. She couldn't think, couldn't act. Her arms couldn't reach more than his own, and she was full to bursting with his love. Cursing her weakness, she listened to him beg her to accept his touch, unable to tell him that she would do anything he asked…if he would ask it. Give anything he'd need, if she could but know what that was. Joy unending continued through her body, one of his hands plying its trade in one place, the other another. She was clay in his hands, and would not complain for whatever he formed her into.

+++++ 15th Angel + 1: Friday (120)

"That…makes sense," Hikari couldn't contain the afterglow as she worked to prepare everyone's meals for the day. That Suzuka also had a very fulfilled bearing didn't bother her in the slightest, as she was neither left wanting, nor at a lack of someone to touch occasionally as she felt she wanted. "Maybe they just weren't physically ready for that kind of activity? I mean…Shinji and I were intimate first, and have continued to be intimate as he's grown in stature, experience, and power. You've always been much stronger than anyone, except perhaps him." A tiny mischievous grin appeared as she heard Shinji's mental irritation at a common occurrence repeating itself, "My sister always falls asleep after they've done anything. Maybe this means I'm stronger than her."

Suzuka laughed quietly, "I can assure you now, my dear, that you are stronger than Kodama-chan." Reaching over and trailing a finger along her spine, she sighed with regret, "I fear I may have waited too long to share a tale that has needed to be told."

"It doesn't bother me that you were close to my mother," the Class Rep shrugged. "Mom deserved happiness, and that you were the one to send my father to save her simply means that you deserved happiness too." Smiling over her shoulder, she shook her head slightly, "We're all immortals, now. Daddy's with mom, we're all loved, I'm not going to dwell over what has been." Refocusing on the meal before her, she booted the morning's negativity out of her mind forcefully, "I'm going to make the most of what we have here. With my husband, my wives, and all of Creation to explore."

+++++ 15th Angel + 1: Friday (120)

"It's just them," Shinji frowned, "Kodama, Nicki, and Tsuru." His morning hadn't gone quite as he'd intended, and his house was abuzz with both joy and curiosity. The agents making sure that Nozomi and Sakura were well packed into the military convoy that would drop them off at the school in advance of the general arrival aside, everyone else was huddled up for a quick discussion before splitting off to those places their duty would take them. "I want to collapse in on myself in embarrassment as I say this, but I'm only lacking data from two women in the house."

Misato, who had already changed into her uniform, looked to the two people she believed most capable of explaining better what the possible concerns would be, "Is there anything we could test for? Medically or otherwise?"

"I'm going to recommend lab work for everyone," Ritsuko bunched her lips off to the side. "I don't know what we can test for, specifically, but I'll have some equipment dragged here for us to use. Blood draws, UAs, swabs, and whatnot we can gather and process easily. But I'll want fitness tests, stress tests, a few others to rule out potentially related conditions."

"Kodama is very fit," Maya announced in a thoughtful tone. "I doubt Nicolette is lacking in fitness either. I apologize, Tsuru-chan, but I don't have enough experience with you to say how athletic you are, but you've worked on a farm most of your life and you aren't exactly pudgy."

"I'm heavier than she is," Kodama added. "I doubt this is heart related, but I agree we need to get out ahead of anything. We may never age, but I'd rather we not allow ourselves to ignore potential problems." Looking at the clock, she rolled her hand around the room, "We all have places we should be getting to. Before we start looking at potentially supernatural causes, let's make sure we're not ignoring something physical. Kyoko's idea was a good call, and the data you've gathered gives us a starting point. Ritsuko, Maya, do either of you disagree?"

Both women shook their heads, prompting Hikari to gesture towards lunches, "Everyone take yours and let's show the world what a loving husband can do for a lady's confidence, shall we?"

Urged to the door by Kodama and Misato, Shinji stood in place and gave a kiss to each of the women as they exited. It was exactly as mortifying as he'd worried it might be, but he pushed himself to not outwardly act in any way but loving. If these women could come together and act as a family, he did them no favors by acting like their child instead of their spouse.

Yang, second to last, jumped up to kiss him with surprising fervor. Holding the kiss for at least twice as long as any of the ladies before her, she pulled back and whispered quietly, "I need a moment, later. Please." Dropping she winked playfully and hurried out to the heavy vehicle that would deliver them to their own school.

The final lady was Kelly, who looked up at him with a considered pout, "You didn't come visit me?"

"I…." Panic briefly set it in before she lifted onto her toes and lightly touched her lips to his.

Dropping back to her heels and winking, she touched his chest and whispered, "Whenever you wish to, mo shíorghrá. I am not upset, I am teasing." Her smile was fond, "I know you did not because we have not spoken of it, and that is worth a great deal to my heart. Too many men have come pressing their case where they ought to have shown their worth first." Stepping away and letting her fingers trail towards him, she waved her farewell, "Your worth has been measured, and none will find you wanting."

He felt Kyoko's chin settle into the space beside his throat, her body draped against his back, _This was good. I appreciate that you feel it as wrong, perverted, twisted. But I can also sense that you're coming around to the benefits of a house full of love. Keep your chin up, Mausbärchen, you stride where others fear to crawl._

He kept his thought narrowly focused to one of the few women he'd not yet kissed, _When this falls apart…please don't leave me alone._

 _Couldn't if I wanted to,_ she soothed him gently. _Wouldn't if I could._

+++++ 15th Angel + 1: Friday (120)

"So this is where you've been spending your time?" Eve floated in the still darkened skies over a no man's land claimed by a number of nations, but held by none, "I've never known you to be one to avoid conflict, but seeking it out to avoid it is certainly an interesting change of pace."

Lilith attempted steadfastly to ignore the now freed irritant, subtly feeling for a way to grasp the true number of enemies that would have to be dealt with before the last Angel could be felled. She knew she'd pushed Tabris towards this, and regretted not pulling the trigger on killing him herself and taking the risk. With Rose directing what resources she could towards the problem in her own ways, Lily had simply chosen to show Eve what they were facing. Hoping that either the original 'other woman' would prove a traitor, or provide a different perspective.

"Thirty eight," the matriarch of Adam's line stated, bored of the silence. "That's what you're trying to do, yes?" Laying back, she stared up at the stars, "You really should just ask, you know."

Grinding her teeth, the Second Angel growled out, "The day I ask you to-"

"Them, Lilith." There was a hint of pity in her eyes as she gazed on the only woman she'd ever been truly jealous of, "Your children are…forgiving. Unlike my own." Returning her eyes heavenward, she shrugged, "You should ask a few of them what you might do to earn his favor. I intend to inform them that you are doing exactly what you've said you were. My word may mean little, however I will lose nothing by demonstrating that I desire to be a part of the team."

"If you want to be a part of the team so badly," the elder of the two beings gestured towards the caverns, "why don't you help me find the missing clones? There were near to fifty when we were here earlier."

Eve yawned, "Who says they're missing?" Looking at her nails, she began to change them to match the coloration that Yang, Hikari, and Tsuru had agreed upon. "Thirty six." A half smile preceded her looking over with pity, "He's my son, you know. The cloning process can't change where most of his physical structure comes from. What I'm curious about, though, is why he hasn't come up here to make a fuss over it. It's almost like he's afraid."

Rose, appearing out of thin air, looked between the two women, "Which of you is managing to depopulate the caverns, and why weren't you doing it when my security teams were being hurt fighting this [Song]."

Realizing that she was exactly as bitter over the fact that she hadn't remembered who she was standing next to as she was the fact that she would have to tell the truth about what was happening, Lilith's face grew dark as she spat out, "I loathe you."

+++++ 15th Angel + 1: Friday (120)

"It's occupied. But it's not occupied by what we understood to be there," Ritsuko worked at her tablet while it was connected to Unit-01. "It's fake. Or, I should say, faked. It's emitting a signal that perfectly emulates the expected occupant, but without the depth that I wouldn't have bothered looking for if not for my being ordered to." Looking over to her nominal supervisor, she shook her head, "I didn't know about this test. Until your father in law chose to spell it out for us, I'm not certain I would have considered the approach. If the giant abomination against life itself turns on, there's a soul in the core. That was the rule…before him."

Maya stood with her hands on the rail, leaning with her elbows locked. Her mother in law was gone. For how long, she couldn't rightly say. Her husband, a man with more than one serious concern in his life, had mentioned more than once that he believed his father was lying. Kyoko had confirmed what Rose and Lilith had proposed, that Asuka was blocking out her own mother. Whether through trauma, anger, or ignorance was for people with far better credentials than she had, however. It followed, through that, that Shinji may have been doing the same. It was her professional obligation to remain objective, even regarding her husband. He'd longed for his mother, for _any_ parental touch, in their first life. In this second life, with women and affection aplenty, he'd no need of a woman who had, intentionally or not, abandoned him with a man who then punted him to the other coast. He'd not pursued confrontation with his father. He'd not mentioned seeking out his mother. Shinji, to her knowledge, simply didn't care anymore. "A part of me feels bad for him," she chose, instead. "Gendo, I mean. Everything he did, from what we know, was to reunite with the woman whose absence ruined him. We both know what Shinji would do, given the same."

Ritsuko nodded slowly, not wishing to agree but only because she loathed the former commander for inspiring her own weaknesses, "If you or Hikari were taken from us, I can't imagine what Suzuka or Rose would have to do to stop him. Kodama would likely crumble, for quite some time. Shinji might just begin depopulating the surrounding prefectures."

"He'd hate to lose you too," looking over at her supposed subordinate, she raised an eyebrow letting the rebuke chastise the former blonde. "I am no more special because I came before you, and we will not long survive if we start adding strata to ourselves where he could catch wind of it."

"We don't need to add anything, it exists." The statuesque scientist wasn't going to be dissuaded from speaking truth, "He cares for me, I agree. But if he was torn between saving you, or saving me? I'd lose. I'm not upset by that, he's better off with you than with me in every possible way. But pretending that it's not true isn't going to help us maintain order in the house. Those who aren't on the top tier accepting that it will take time to progress upwards, and those on the top tier doing what they can to proactively convince him that it's ok to open his heart further, are the way forward. Anything else is delusional."

Once more confronted with the fact that as objective as she wished to be, she still was nowhere near as objective as the woman she'd long admired, Maya turned back away to consider the purple colossus. It, like she, was at the center of something truly beyond understanding. She, like it…was nothing without the gentle young man who had been forced to take on more than any single being should ever be tasked with. Borrowing from his playbook, she evaded admitting that she was agreeing with something she found distasteful, "He'll talk to us about Unit-01…when he's ready. Let's finish the comparison with Unit-02, now that the core has been spontaneously emptied."

+++++ 15th Angel + 1: Friday (120)

Asuka's phone played the opening guitar riff of a heavy metal band, reminding her that Shinji wasn't like any other human on Earth. The singer, a man who she'd once thought had a voice that couldn't be possible, sounded just like her fellow pilot. It was a four second ringtone without vocal accompaniment, repeated three times so that she'd notice it even asleep, but she did not move to pick up the device. He was texting her, again. Letting her in on some small detail of his life, something that he'd tie to her. He wasn't mad at her. Not at her failure, not at her choice to leave before she exploded and tore their relationship down to the ground. He understood. He'd always understand. He'd take her blows and smile that warm smile. He'd give, until there was nothing left.

That was the issue, in her mind, that she'd hurt him. He'd taken her to his home, needing to talk to her. He'd said it was important. Crucially so. Still, despite all of that, hearing that she was worthless now, that she'd 'fulfilled her purpose', that she could stay or go of her own free will without fearing whatever it was that kept everyone else around him… _they_ wouldn't let him accept her. They'd tell him that since she was free to be her own person, he should just let her go. They'd poison his mind against her. They'd dangle their bodies in front of him, wear him down, get him to forget about her. She'd seen it. He sat on the couch as she stormed out, gripping the cushion with the hand that wasn't held by _her_. By the woman who'd usurped her rightful place. By the filthy, uncultured, sow that pretended to be her friend once. He was signaling to all three of those wretched children that he wanted to be away from them, by holding onto furniture instead of them. But they were too stupid to know. Too greedy to back away and let him be.

He was fine until they entered that terrible place. He'd spent the car ride staving off that flirty bitch that wouldn't let him sit back silently. Too good for them…he was too good for everyone. She'd spent weeks now trying to find a flaw, something that would show her that he was anything but what he presented to the world at large. He'd never instigated their kisses, she had. He'd never demanded she hold him, she had. But every time she'd urged him to just take her, to claim her and let her be with him, he'd deferred. He wanted her, she knew it…she could _smell_ it. But he wouldn't take that last step without _their_ permission. That was it. That was his 'flaw'. Loyalty. He was loyal, even to her. Even to a woman that had no use.

She'd answer his concerns…eventually. When she was done being angry. When she could unclench her hands.

…When she didn't want to punch him for being everything she needed.

+++++ Author's Notes:

TripleF:

RE: Shinji and Yui.

The women before him are ranking higher on the priority tree than the woman that abandoned him to live with monsters. He'll come around to addressing the issue, when things settle down and he's not having to balance so much.

RE: Gentle.

The Judges told everyone that they were duplicates, and had been pulled out of their dying realities as they collapsed around them. Placing them in stasis and holding onto them until it was time to set them in motion across the universe towards where Earth appeared, they prevented most of the confusion and eventual ennui that any eternal being experiences with only one hundred or so people to speak to for several billion years.

RE: Shinji and the Mythological Influences.

No, you've picked up on the Norse theme I've had going on. Neon Gen has Gnostic Mysticism influences, which inform a great deal of the symbolism people misunderstand. Instead of going all in on the Christian Allegories and making another in what I've found to be a long line of attempts to repeat and overexplain what Anno-Sensei was doing by using a foreign mythology to titillate a Japanese audience, I went with something an American-majority (Not to say I don't appreciate my global audience (Norway is representing itself in the top three every month (Nested parenthesis)), but my view stats are about eighty percent American) audience would find similarly 'foreign' and I had enough familiarity with to use. Tabris as the cause of Ragnarök? It's more likely than you think.

RE: Suzuka (Outlaw Star) and Saeko (High School of the Dead).

I could easily see how you could compare the two in that light. The temptation to make her more like Saeko (Kuudere with occasional bouts of high school girl horniness) was present at one point, but I toned it down because of the need to include the lesson of "Divorce does not equal failure, some marriages are not meant to last forever" for Shinji. So much to do, so much to do.

RE: Jon Snewww.

Arael's taken that task up, though her preferred word is "Irrational".


	128. Chapter 128

+++++ 15th Angel + 1: Friday (120)

Sitting at the piano in the auditorium while his ladies were engaged in a mid-school year health checkup, Shinji was engaging in a fit of whimsy. It was free time for him, as gathering any data on him was forbidden, and those students which were cleaning had eagerly assured him that he wouldn't bother them by playing anything. The song he chose, in truth because one of the young women nearby reminded him of the protagonist from the game it came from, had never been written in the reality he lived in. The composer of the piece, and the director of the game it featured in, had both died of serious illnesses following the nuclear bombing of Tokyo-1.

It started with a gentle air, flowing eventually into a thicker melody that described memories of something that only existed in the dreams of the listener. As it grew more complex, it was almost as if it were two songs flowing together, the two time signatures bouncing off of themselves with ripples that covered the audience in a lingering nostalgia for better times, and a hope that the darkness they walked through would itself one day end. As it grew closer towards the final measures, the chords resembling water drops striking the surface of a calm ocean, he smiled at the memory of that version of Rei Ayanami, and her confusion as to what would prompt the fashion choices in the game to become standardized, as the very concept of symmetry seemed anathema to the costume designer.

Holding the last three keys lovingly, he was startled out of his reverie by his phone buzzing. Retrieving it with his off hand, and playing a one-handed practice piece he'd penned in a life where his mother had cut off his right arm as madness consumed her from the contact experiment going wrong, he opened the text message app and hoped that somehow the wrong sequence had played and it was Asuka and not an unknown caller.

' _Paladin, your brother and I have decided to accept your offer. Idunn is not improving, and each day she languishes in whatever dark place she currently resides within is another ten days she will need to regain her own feet. We understand that you can guarantee nothing, and so should you choose to make the attempt we would have you do so with a clear conscience. Return her, or no, we will still be honored to call you our brother. We grant our consent, to dare or not is now your decision.'_

"I guess I haven't given her a ringtone," he murmured. Closing the app and turning off the phone, he stood from the piano and returned everything to where he'd found it. _Hikari, Tsuru, Yang, I need to go to NERV. I'm sorry for leaving while you're busy, but Jorth-san and Thor-san have agreed to allow me to see if I can recover Idunn. Please make sure my bag gets home._ Receiving three similar replies of affection and wishes for luck, he hurried towards the nearest teacher to inform them of his destination. _Akane, Miki-chan, Nicki, I'm heading to NERV. Are Nozomi-chan and Sakura-chan ok?_

 _Learning about reflection angles,_ Akane responded quickly. _The kids are all safe in their classes._

Mikoto's response was next, _Is there a problem?_

Explaining briefly as he headed outside of the school so he could change the shoes he wore, he summed up with, _I'm going to be coordinating with Leliel and Ireul. If this is too risky…I'll talk with everyone before I go in._ He was met at the courtyard by the Platoon Leader for the soldiers guarding the school gate today, "Heading into NERV, urgent but not emergent. Nothing harms anyone here, hooah?"

The woman nodded tersely, accepting that he was in a rush, "Hooah, sir. We'll hold this corner, no matter what comes over the horizon." Motioning for the gates to be opened, she urged him onwards while requesting that his movement be relayed to the Company back at his Manor.

 _Kelly, meet me in Idunn's room._ He was half of the way to NERV already, and would leave the rest of the explanations to his right hand. The flash of irritation at having so many people he needed to speak to, and being forced into relying on someone else in order to inform those he loved dearly, was strangled efficiently with the fact that he _had_ people he loved, and _had_ someone who could be his voice. He needed to delegate, or he'd get dragged into endless conversations with people.

 _You're learning,_ Kyoko sat backwards on his shoulder, watching where he'd come from with a smile. _It's truly bizarre how I can feel your thoughts. Know what you're thinking, without you even speaking it in your mind._

The touch of her hand atop his head, the slow way she wound her fingers through his hair, he knew these were not the touches of a friendly hand. She was telling him something, and it was his job to figure it out, _I'm serious. I'm going to talk to Ireul and Leliel first. I'm not going to just dive into what I'm doing, not and risk blundering into a situation I'll only make worse. If I can save her, though, if I can give her back her life…._

Arael floated before him, flying backwards as well, _Caution is wise. Do you love her?_

 _By which she means, would you include her in your life as you have these other lovely women,_ the spirit attached to his soul clarified.

Slowing down as he approached the gate guard for entry into the compound, Shinji's brow knit, _I…don't know. I like her. She was a good woman, before whatever happened that caused her to not spend any more time around me. I want to talk to her, tell her that I…._ Stopping where the gate guard could see him, he tilted his head to the side, "Is Sergeant Yokawa well? He's normally here at this time of the week."

"Lieutenant Yokawa is currently at station Charlie Six, sir. He's training the newest recruit we have in proper procedures," the twenty-something lady reported in a clear voice. "Would you like to have me summon him?"

"No, no." Waving his hand, Shinji smiled slightly, "Lieutenant? Well…. Good for him. Pleased to meet you Sergeant," he checked her name tag, "Horiguchi. My name is Shinji Ikari, thank you for your professionalism. I hope that you will maintain, or even exceed, the standard set by Lieutenant Yokawa."

Stiffening further, pride suffusing her being, the sergeant announced proudly, "I will do my best, sir. Please enjoy your visit."

Moving on, not wishing to keep anyone else that might use the gate waiting, he continued his thought from before the oddity, _I want to talk to her. What I want is for her to be alive, healthy, and free to do whatever it is she wants to do. But that last part isn't up to me anymore. If I save her, and Creation has it in mind that she and I will become tied together, then I'm going to do the best I can to make her life happy. If I fail to save her…._ Shaking his head, he pushed away the thought, _I won't fail. I didn't nearly kill myself pulling everyone out of that hole because I'm weak. I will make this work._

 _That's a good attitude to have,_ Kyoko encouraged him. _It is often said, that if you think you can, or you think you can't, you're usually right. Are you ready, though, for her to become a part of your life again?_

 _It's not my call to make,_ he looked up at her oddly. _Her family wants her back._

 _So you will do this for every person whose family wants them returned?_ Arael continued to fly backwards, _Even though it may well end up with them tethered to your soul? Another person that may imbalance the chemistry of your home? Another person that may never fit in, who might damage your relationships? Who might upset your children?_

Kyoko added, driving the point home, _Who might not work with those two darling angels you've taken to caring for? Is this woman someone you trust with Nozomi-chan, Sakura-chan? Will whatever issues you believe she has, whatever problems she faces, complicate their lives?_

Walking in silence for a time, he contemplated what they might be trying to encourage him towards thinking. The easy topics were discarded first; the risk to him was something he'd discussed, it was unlikely that they doubted when he said he didn't know how he felt, he was opposed to having others added to his relationship at all but didn't want to leave her in torpor simply because it might inconvenience him. _Would she truly be a bad addition? Is there another that might take her spot that you're thinking is better?_

The White Raven's voice remained impartial, _I have not seen her interact with you to any significant degree that would enable me to assess her compatibility with your family unit. As to who else might occupy whatever position Creation has for her, that would be a question better posed of the individual you intend. Do you have someone in mind that you desire?_

"Hey Boss," Kelly waved in greeting as she hurried down the corridor containing Idunn's hospital room from the other end, having arrived just as he had. "Need you to give your opinion on something quick before we do what you needed done." Gesturing down to a woman little older than he was, and far shorter than Kelly, she made brief introductions, "This is Saki Watanabe, she's going to be working for me from now on. Gathering legal forms, running errands, things of that nature."

"Pleased to meet you, Watanabe-san," Shinji bowed as far as Suzuka would have wished him to. "Please, take good care of my…." Realizing the hesitation was socially awkward, he looked to his right hand for help. _You're more than a 'girlfriend', you say you don't want to have a church wedding, what do I call you?_

"That was one of the items I needed your opinion on," she recovered for him smoothly. "Forms for the rest of the household, for legal purposes. While we adjust to what is obviously a very diplomatically precarious situation, the best solution in my opinion is to have the forms on hand and discuss amongst ourselves what to do. Each person may have their own thoughts for themselves on descriptors, but this is still something that's important to you, and a number of the others. I'm having to respond to a great many requests for meals with individuals, and they're asking for titles. Assuming you'd like to not limit yourself, or us, to only one or two people ever meeting VIPs, I wanted to broach this to the family." _By the way, the correct term for me would likely be either courtesan or consort. I'd prefer consort, personally, as it has less…luggage._

Saki, her eyes shining with enthusiasm and awe, spoke in an intensely pleasant voice, "If you need me to pick anything else up while I am helping Chambers-san, sir, I would be happy to do so. My duty is to make certain that she has time to budget _your_ time. I'm learning extremely valuable skills from her, and I thank you for the opportunity she's given me."

Briefly considering the agreeably shaped young lady, Shinji's mouth reverted to its typical thoughtful frown. Her words were very carefully chosen, and her song never once spoke of a lie. Still, there was something in her speech that caused him to hesitate in his response, "Watanabe-san, where are you from?"

Blushing, she replied quietly, "Yamagata. I am sorry if my accent is showing."

 _Oh._ His eyes flicked to Kelly, once more searching for a way to explain to someone who wasn't a part of his household why he might be nervous when someone seemed to be picking through their words.

"You're doing just fine, Saki-chan," his right hand encouraged her subordinate. "My boss has an ear for lies, and when you speak, you think through what you're saying. That's something that people do when they're uncomfortable lying, and it caused him to think you might be hiding something."

"Exactly," Shinji breathed out, grateful that he didn't have to explain further. "If you could ask HR for a physical copy of all of my personnel records, I would appreciate it. I think you've got the right idea, Kelly, and I agree we should prepare in advance of the conversation. Let's move ahead with that."

A notepad materialized in the young woman's hand, "Copy…personnel records…physical." Turning quickly to her supervisor, she asked with wide, bright, eyes, "Shall I go and take care of things, ma'am?"

"Please do. And remember, always take an extra thirty three percent. You may not make mistakes, but someone else might, and you need to be prepared to fill back in the gaps left by an error on an official form." Gesturing her onwards, she shifted her position to join Shinji in watching her leave. Short, but shaped proportionately, the trainee filled out her uniform in ways that were lovely to observe, _See something you like, mo shíorghrá?_

 _There is room for more,_ Kyoko joined the conversation again. _Who knows, perhaps she is the woman who can fully bring out the darkness within you._

 _He shows signs of arousal,_ Arael perched on thin air. _Is it the woman departing, or the woman at his side?_

 _It's the fact that Kelly is running her fingers along my lower back,_ he stated bluntly. _If Watanabe-san proves to be someone I want around, then she will make it known over time. Both of you should know by now that I am not one to suddenly become enamored of anyone. Hikari had to work just as hard as anyone, and she had nobody else she was competing with. I don't know that I've ever felt true love at first sight. Just intense physical attraction at first sight. Every woman in the house has inspired that same feeling, and some few others that aren't._

 _What about the woman lying in repose in this room?_ The White Raven fluttered a wing towards Idunn, _Does she inspire this sensation?_

 _…No._ Shinji's brow knit, _At least, I can't remember it. When she and I met I was with Ritsuko, who was at the time possessed by Lilith and acting very out of sorts._

 _That's putting it lightly,_ Kelly had been briefed on the full situation. _It's unfortunate, but we can't expect you to know your own feelings from those days. Everything would have been muddled in your feelings for Doctor Akagi, your fears of discovery, your anxiety at being on public display. But, that does beg the question from my own perspective…you were intensely attracted to me at first sight?_

Ignoring the other two women present, he bent down and kissed the Irishwoman lingeringly. They had not given each other many kisses, in this life, and so he used the manner he'd learned from one of their more successful marriages instead. The slight start she showed soon changed to an eager reciprocation, and then a slow melt against him as he worked his fingers along those publicly appropriate spots she'd preferred. After more than a minute of dutiful attention to the act, he stood back upright to separate, but allowed her to remain leaned against him, _I keep telling all of you, I am not a good man. Engaged to be married, with two other women eager to be a part of my life, and I allowed myself to be compelled by beauty outside of my fiancée's._

Rolling her eyes, the woman in his arms snorted, _I was supposed to be maintaining military discipline, and I wanted to sit in your lap and hold you. I'm not ashamed to say I quietly went against what the Holy Church has held from the start and gave to myself rather vigorously in my bunk later that evening._ Touching his sides gently, she shook her head, _I get the feeling that if we asked all of the women in the household, they'd all say they had similar reactions to seeing you. It may be to a lesser degree in any woman who prefers men, but it might just have been overpowering in our cases._

 _I've been enjoying it myself,_ Kyoko admitted with a shrug. _I can feel your presence, even when I'm in your soul. Being able to tease out a little more physical happiness, with you as my muse, just makes me feel fantastic inside. Really, better than anyone else I've ever fantasized over during the act._ She frowned, _Huh…now that I think about it, the instant I saw you in my soul I was smitten. That wasn't just, 'Wow, there's an attractive male', it was full on baby-making desire._

 _Food for thought,_ Kelly summed. _Now, other than skipping class and kissing your consort, what were you here for?_

+++++ 15th Angel + 1: Friday (120)

 _Diesel generator_ , Eve gestured to the device. _That makes sense out of how he was running all of this. Not needing to breathe is useful, all things considered._ The cave they entered had clearly been inhabited by humans, at some point in its history. Markings from tools scarred the walls, things that no child of Adam would need to utilize in order to carve out space. She moved unerringly through the tunnels, selecting the correct routes to put them on course for a face-to-face interview with the once more singular Angel of Free Will, _Are you doing well, Rose dear?_

 _Breathing apparatus,_ the pink-skinned captain tapped her cheek, indicating the slight bulge inside. _Slow release of breathable atmosphere into my mouth, exhale through my nose. I can survive for a long time without air, but it's better for fighting if I don't push it. Not to put too fine a point on things, but you're positive we're down to just him? I'm trusting you because Lily is here._

The Mother of Angels rolled her eyes, _You should trust me because I want your husband, more than trusting me because she's set aside our pettier grievances for the time being. If I let anything happen to you, I'm quite positive I would be obliterated, instead of killed and absorbed. Now that I'm free, I'm kind of hoping he'll consider just letting me live for a few thousand years. Grow in love, spend some time in decadent lust, maybe even birth a few of his children into the physical world._

 _Or, maybe I'll just kill you myself and spare us all from having to deal with you,_ Lilith shouldered her way past as they approached a chamber that seemed to be more naturally formed than the caverns leading up to it. _The only thing protecting you is utility._

 _Love you too, dear,_ Eve grinned mockingly. Following behind so as to keep herself where Rose could easily see her, she continued, _As you can see, the Lamia can't really stand me. She's here for-_

"Hello, mother," a male voice sounded from a platform several dozen meters above the entrance. "Are we skipping the formalities now and just provoking the Infinite Cosmos to do what it will? Honestly I thought my plan was a little tacky, but I'm nothing if not flexible if it means thumbing my nose at it." Laughing at the joke he'd made, Tabris pretended to be a good host, "The air in here is quite breathable. I just vent everything through the outside to keep the local Lilin from becoming bothersome. This chamber _was_ where I was working with myself, earlier."

"No, dear, I'm just visiting," she called back with a sad smile. "I brought some company, I do hope you don't mind, but stopping Lilith from killing you without helping you to kill her would have been challenging. Rose, if you would help me keep the peace, hmm? I'm hoping that we can all at least pretend to be adults about this and have a little talk."

The silvery haired Angel groaned, "Diplomacy? Truly? What, in all of the things you see around you, inspires confidence in the idea that I'm interested in a diplomatic solution? I have three of these Lilin-made abominations for each of the monstrosities they can field, enough material to re-clone myself so that I can dispense with his pathetic allies, and-" The casual destruction of one of the giant cloning tanks interrupted him, "…If I can be honest, that was rather rude."

Eve made certain that her nails hadn't been damaged in the act, eager to show Shinji that she wanted to be a 'team player', "I've always encouraged my children to be honest. You know that, dear. Now, as I was saying before you got snippy I wanted us to have a little talk."

Another machine followed the first, the final Angel's lips bunching off to the side as he witnessed his mother destroying several others one by one. Once she stood still, inspecting her work, he began to drum his fingers against the railing, "What would you like to talk about, mother? You have to know that this isn't really going to stop me. At most, it's a minor inconvenience."

"Expectations, Tabris. I would like to talk about expectations." Turning back to face Lilith and Rose she smiled with exaggerated charm, "Would you be so kind as to trash the rest of this refuse? I would say leave nothing intact that is larger than one of those cookies dear Nozomi enjoys so well. But I'll leave it to your discretion." Floating upwards, she landed on the same platform her child occupied, and sighed pretentiously, "If I understand you correctly, sweetie, you're attempting to erase all of creation. Yes?"

"That's an oversimplification, but a fair enough summation from their point of view," leaning sideways against the railing, he radiated unconcern. "My intent is far more complex, as you well know."

"Is speaking to me so irksome? I have spent years uncounted forbidden from speaking to any of you, unless you came to me first. Now that your father is dead, I finally have the chance to renew our acquaintance and this is how you act?" Genuine pain showed on her face, "Are you so cruel as to treat me like some nuisance, instead of as I am?"

"The woman colluding with the enemy?" Tabris raised his eyebrow, "Setting aside all of the other acts I could point out, the simple truth that you wish to supplicate for his pathetic seed like some common-" Unable to move out of the way, and now bleeding from the mouth following the backhand Eve had struck him with, he reached gingerly up and wiped his mouth lightly, "Ow. I thought we were encouraging the truth here."

Eve's voice froze the air around them, "Speak poorly of Shinji again, and pain will be the least of your worries."

Tabris snorted, flicking away the blood, "So calling you a whore is fine, but mentioning that he is a subpar-" Doubled over in retching agony, his human-seeming body fought for air as his internal organs began to twist and writhe within him, "Th-that…m-m-may…have c-come out…wrong."

Releasing her will, she sighed, "You always were stubborn, my son. Are we not going to be able to speak without your derogatory sniping?" Lifting his chin with two fingers, she frowned, "Of course we're not, you're determined to act like a child. So be it." Patting his cheek, she let her child dig his own grave, "Expectations, then. We will be monitoring you until Armisael makes her appearance. Between now, and then, you are forbidden from engaging with, interacting with, or attempting to interfere with, the love of my life or those he has chosen to protect. Attempt to do so, mommy spank. You will face him as your siblings have, on your own, with dignity, and in accordance with your role in Creation's plans. Attempt to do otherwise, mommy spank. Defeat him, and you may do what you wish. Creation will have spoken, at that point. I am not demanding you lose. Only that you fight him as you are intended to." As the last piece of heavy machinery was crumpled into a ruined chunk of metal, she tapped his nose, "Now, go back to your room and think about what you've done. Attempt to escape?"

"Yes, yes…I get it, 'Mommy spank'." Glowering at the wasteland that was his plans, the Angel of Free Will's mind turned to darker thoughts, "This isn't over."

+++++ 15th Angel + 1: Friday (120)

With the door barred from the inside, Shinji prepared two more people to hold his secrets, "I understand, Jorth, that you likely have heard them already. However, I'm going to ask that they manifest themselves for you both, so that you can speak to them directly. This is your sister, and you need to be a part of the decisions we make here." Looking to his right, he gestured to the two Aspects, "Allow me to introduce you to Leliel," the Aspect of Night faded into being with a flare of gloomy shadows, "and Ireul," appearing with the echo of nightmarish screams, the Aspect of Terror arrived.

Wearing a shoulderless formal dress in a calming shade of blue, the foremost of his former Angelic companions curtsied with impossible grace, "A pleasure to meet you, Holy One. And you as well, our taciturn brother."

Herself clad in a charming skirt and sweater combination, her lengthy hair pulled over her shoulder so that she could fidget with it, Leliel nodded simply, "Hello."

While her husband returned the greeting with a silent duck of his head, the foreign priestess in a strange land considered both women for a moment, "The Harbinger of Nightmares, and the Nocturnal Princess. A sensible pairing for this excursion. I hope you will forgive me for being forthright, but be you helpful spirits or baleful? My choices may be slim, but I would still prefer to enter into whatever pact I make with what information I can gather."

Looking over to Shinji, and receiving the confirmation she'd needed, Ireul chose her words as if she were speaking to family instead of as the regal being she was, "We tend towards helpful, now that we're cooperating with my dearest love. Before, I would assuredly state the opposite, but as long as he loves you both you have nothing to fear from our presence."

"He wouldn't touch me again if I hurt you, so you're fine," the younger Aspect turned her attention to Idunn, making it clear that she didn't want to speak to anyone else.

"And the third?" Jorth gestured to where Kyoko sat on Shinji's shoulder, still facing away from his direction of travel, "I can sense another with you, is she shy?"

"A noble soul, wife," Vidar's tone held some reverence in it. "I could not see the other two, not as you do…but this one I can behold with my own eyes."

 _How sad,_ the maternal spirit combed Shinji's hair. _He must have seen far too much death, if he can see me. Scandinavian, unless I miss my guess. His people would tend to view my kind as truly unfortunate…or as a judge of the worthy. Please, tell them that I'm sorry I can't greet them properly. I know I'm being rude, but…well, it's how it is._

 _Of course,_ "She apologizes that she can't make herself seen. She'd honestly love to, but she isn't able to." Rolling his hand, he made his own apologies, "I am sorry, but I want to stay focused. Iri, could you explain to them how we're going to approach this? I'd do it myself, but I'm sure I'd miss something."

"Certainly," with a simple smile, the former Eleventh Angel assumed a professorial posture. Looking between her audience of two as she went along, she made certain they were understanding her statements before continuing, "As two beings attuned to the mind, we are going to combine our abilities in an effort to direct Shinji's awareness to wherever your sister has become tethered to. Our hope, in doing so, is that we can provide him with an opportunity to speak with whatever portion of her personality is present at that moment. He will then interact with her, carefully, and try to coax her into waking up. This is, however, extremely dangerous. For him _and_ for her. If she latches on to him too tightly, normally he would risk being dragged into her dreams. My sister," she indicated Leliel, "is able to help dissuade that from occurring, but it will cause us to be right back where we started. Whatever new dream your sister will have moved on to would not include the information she'd previously gained from speaking with Shinji. If, in her dreams, he exists in some way she will expect him to act in the manner she views him. Should he go too far 'off script', so to speak, the defenses her mind naturally has in place will view him as an invader and seek to expel him. This is taxing on her health, and his mind. This means, though, that he might have to act in any number of roles. Father, friend, priest, patient, teacher, lover."

Clamping his mouth shut, Shinji realized what Kyoko and Arael were discussing with him earlier. _You…knew._

Asuka's mother simply nodded, her hand staying in motion. It wasn't that she was upset with him for what he would do, but she wanted him to know going in that it might be expected of him. If he couldn't, then it might very well be best that he not even attempt it. Because if he did, and he could not feel that way about Idunn, then not only was it terrible to engage in that with her, but it was cruel to pretend otherwise.

"With all of that in mind," Ireul continued as if Shinji hadn't said anything, "are there any objections to him making this attempt? As her kin, we are looking to you for a decision that she cannot make, for a treatment no mortal could attempt."

"Will this bind her to him?" Jorth gestured between her sister in law and Shinji, "Like he has his wives?"

"We are hoping to prevent that," Leliel chose to answer. "Freedom of choice is something important to him, and I don't want him to be unhappy because something he was a part of took that away from someone." Shifting under his arm, she frowned at the two mortals, "If it comes to a choice that will risk his life, however, I _will_ pull him out of her mind. His life is more important, that's just how it is."

Shinji sought the right words, "I…I don't-"

"It will be as it must," Vidar waved off the topic. "You will do what is right for all of us. That is what you are, in your heart."

Jorth agreed readily, "If all we have gained is a chance to bury her, then that is a gift without possible measurement. If you bring her back to us, and she is tied to you then we will do what we can to encourage her to see that for the beautiful thing it is. If you bring her back to us, and she has her own choice to make…I will personally remind her of something she said to me once, after she threw a childish fit. But enough explanation. Our answer has not changed. Be about your duties, Paladin. None shall touch your mortal shell while you are in the realm of dreams, my husband and I will not allow it."

 _This is not their decision to make,_ Kyoko shushed him. _Perhaps the best will come to pass. They have been prepared for the worst. Instead of worrying over what might be, perhaps you should instead strive to overcome what is._

Turning his attention to Idunn, he set his teeth together hard. The devil on his shoulder wasn't wrong. He couldn't turn away, not and face himself in the mirror. If that meant that he had to back off because of something in Idunn he didn't understand, then maybe he could try again another time. Her vitals were stable. This wasn't any more of an emergency than he chose to make it. "If…anyone I love visits, tell them I'm doing my best."

+++++ 15th Angel + 1: Friday (120)

"It's quite simple," Eve explained to her two nominal allies, "if I go, I'm leaving two people with only the option to kill him should he choose to be stupid. If Rose goes, I'm limited in my ability to stop you," she looked directly at Lilith, "from killing him without him killing you. That means that the most logical person to go and speak with Shinji about what has happened here today is you. That means you get the credit, and perhaps something of a reward, so why are you fighting so hard over this?"

Rose blew out her cheeks, "As much as I hate to agree…that's very sound reasoning. I can bring down several of my people, he'll be limited in what he can do, and the message gets home. I won't be alone with her, I'll be a witness to anything she tries to pull, it's not a power move. I'd say if anything, she's giving you a free shot."

"Why?" Lilith, as was her nature, didn't trust the woman who'd replaced her after she wouldn't submit, "What does this gain you?"

Adam's second wife kept her irritation in check, not wanting to start an argument that would allow Tabris to escape, "It gains me Shinji's trust. I could do the stupid thing, and insist I go. Instead, I do the smart thing, the thing even dear Nozomi would see as the smart thing, and send you. We are living the old logic problem about three people with two spots on a raft. The answer's obvious, everyone benefits."

"Or we could just send one of her people," she gestured to Rose. "The message still arrives, and I don't have to leave you where you can stab us in the back."

"Or, you could take the peace gesture I'm handing to you without any rancor, use it to earn the trust that all three of us know he's asking you to earn, and help the household continue to grow as a unified group. Again, you benefit physically, I benefit because I trusted you to do the right thing, Rose benefits because she stayed and watched me, earning her own credit for the smart play. We need to stop scheming against one another if we're going to do more than just spin our wheels. I'm stepping out of the way, opening the door, and explaining why I'm doing both. As that redheaded irritant would say, 'Take the win'."

+++++ 15th Angel + 1: Friday (120)

"Cuts out of school to try and save someone's life…why can't he do normal teenager things and cut class to go to the arcade?" Misato smirked at Kelly, who shared an amused smile in return, "Thanks for letting me know. Akane had called in and said he was on his way, but she left off the rest of it owing to her surroundings. Did we get a timeframe?" The informal gathering in her office of those NERV-employed people was also a good opportunity for the Super Secret Second Shinji Support System meeting, and cookies.

"If it's anything like Ogawa, it could be hours," Maya did not fondly remember those two days. "Hopefully, however, it's not like Ogawa. The lightning rods may not survive a strike that he's capable of anymore."

"That was quite the show," Kodama agreed, hugging Maya closer as she too remembered what everyone was going through. "I think we'll be better this time, though. If he has two of his Aspects supporting him in there, instead of fighting his own mind, he should be able to at least stay stable. Most of the fireworks were because of his anger and sorrow, for this he's focused and has a goal in mind."

Ritsuko toyed with the stick of her sucker, "Does his presence change her cognition?" When everyone looked at her, she shrugged, "He's entering her mind. Any action he takes might change how she views the world. By engaging with the part of her brain that's extemporizing on the chaos and randomness that occurs during sleep, it would only follow that she might view the world in a way similar to his. We're all sitting here calmly as he potentially adds another woman to our life. I'm not angry at that, I'm simply thinking through the logical conclusions of his actions."

"I'm fairly certain we're all in agreement that if he's engaging the way he is, he wants her around," Misato's smile faded. "If he wants her around this bad, then we cope. Idunn Haraldson is an adult, and from what Maya tells me was rather interested in Shinji. A great deal of the antagonism we had was a result of her not having the full story. This could work out better now, and we'd have another asset to help keep him stable. Before things went south, Hikari told me that he truly enjoyed her company."

"There's also the fact that he's aware of the possibility, and has asked Ireul and Leliel to do what they can to prevent it," Kelly added into the lull. "He doesn't want to take her freedom of choice away, not any more than ours was. If he can free her, and Creation doesn't need her with us, then I'm certain he'll say 'No', no matter what Agent Haraldson wants."

"The man we love will not abide tragedy," Kodama summed up, intending to return the conversation to less worrisome matters. "But he also doesn't wish to inflict cruelty on us. I have a good feeling about this. I think that no matter what happens, we're due for some good luck."

+++++ 15th Angel + 1: Friday (120)

"I think that's wonderful, Xu-chan," Sakura's teacher clapped happily. "Your support system continues to grow, your grades have been improving more and more, and the gym teacher said you made it three whole laps before slowing! Your effort is an inspiration to the other students, and I think we might make it an opportunity for every student to make a new tag for their desk, if they want."

"Sakura Xu," Nozomi tried out her best friend's new name. "I _like_ it. I think it pops nicely."

Xuefan smiled at her newest daughter, well aware of the horrors that were involved in her past, and the importance of providing a fresh start, "Xú Yīnghuā, or for those she prefers, Sakura. It is a lovely name, in my opinion, and I am proud to have another daughter to raise."

The principal, having received notification from the Shirakami that any negativity surrounding the change would result in unfortunate events following, gushed, "My own mother taught me when I was young, Xu-chan, that names are like clothes. We change them as appropriate, wear them in a way that keeps them well, and that they are a sign to the world of what we are, not the other way around. Today, as 徐樱花, you have acquired lovely new clothing. Your honored mother has signed the forms, and now all of your school documentation will show it as well."

"And you finally get a new swimsuit!" Nozomi kept her enthusiasm high, inwardly relieved that Sakura was taking it as well as she was, "You keep growing and you're going to be so much super taller than I am."

The center of everyone's attention blushed, embarrassed but thrilled at having so much positivity around something that she had wanted so badly. Gone was 'Suzuhara', the shame and misery and…. Now, she was 'Xu'. She had a brother that was younger than her, a sister that was older than her, a cousin who was waiting in the hallway, and a mother that…that hadn't said anything when she'd told her everything. 'Mama Xu' had instead hugged her tight, and whispered…not lies. Things that weren't yet true, she said. She had two families, and not just one. Looking off towards where she knew Shinji would be, she smiled with soggy eyes…he loved her. He let her choose, and when she told him her new name she just _knew_ he would tell her it was beautiful. It was what he was. It was why she loved him so very, very much.

+++++ 15th Angel + 1: Friday (120)

"Oh, hey," Yang's perfect teeth showed in her smile as she displayed her phone, "check out my baby sister!"

Tsuru mouthed through the new name, "I think that sounds lovely. I'll have to ask her which she'd rather I call her."

Hikari's reaction was more fierce, having been told much earlier the truth of the matter, "It's perfect. It's overdue. And I think tonight we should have a girl's night with her and Nozomi-chan. I've got a stash of emergency chocolate, we'll wash everyone's hair, and we'll show them how we take care of our skin. We'll wash the last of that…horrid last name off of her."

The leggy waitress, also aware of the truth so that she could watch for problems, added her own bit to the idea, "I'll ask for some stuff from the 'Crane. I saw what she liked, and a little celebration in amongst everything else will make it that much more special for her. Besides," she cheered, "I'm not the youngest woman anymore! She gets to be the 'baby', and I get to dote on her."

Sitting under the old oak tree during their lunch period, the trio shared their stories of either being the youngest, or being an older sister to a younger sister. Though the man they loved was missing, there was an air of positivity about them. Things weren't as bad as they might have feared, and the world seemed to be moving towards something better. Hope, somehow, infected them.

+++++ 15th Angel + 1: Friday (120)

Shinji landed in a bleak, empty, void. He could feel Ireul and Leliel's strength, he knew he wasn't alone, but the momentary fear that he'd wound up back in Unit-01, doomed to experience lives he'd never live threatened to overwhelm him. It was the same sensation, cramped, confining, tight in all of the wrong ways. Never one to suffer from claustrophobia, he had gained an appreciation for its terrors in amongst everything else that time had given him.

 _Steady, my love,_ Ireul's voice paradoxically soothed his mind. _You are not there. We brought you to a portion of her mind that is not currently engaged in activity. We'll begin to search for the core, true, her soon._

Leliel added her own touch, _For exactly this reason. You need to adapt to the feeling you're having, or her mind will begin to reject you as soon as she speaks to you. Take some time, walk around. You're so much stronger than you were then, your will is in control…not hers._

Several deep breaths followed, as he absorbed their advice. There were differences, and they became more apparent the longer he spent in Idunn's mind. There were no walls, the lingering dread having created them in his mind as anxiety and stress played their tricks on his thoughts. Moving carefully about, he began to feel the tightness fade as well. _It's like Sahaquiel-chan…I just need to imagine myself smaller, and I fit._

 _Exactly,_ a touch of relief was evident in Ireul's reply. _You're going to have to feel out your situation each time it changes. If she's in a bad dream, feel free to act if you can. You shouldn't have the same problems Suzuka had, because your mind is far more complex than Idunn's. The chances of her delusions overwhelming you are much smaller than the chances of Ramiel performing a striptease._

The Aspect of Night began to giggle at the thought, _We'll help you as we can, too. Since we're inside of you, we'll go where you go. That means we'll see what you see. If we say something that seems strange, though, you need to just do it. Trust us, or this is going to be a lot harder than it needs to be._

Stretching and swinging his arms, he took another soothing breath, "Ok. Let's see what's in store for us."

+++++ 15th Angel + 1: Friday (120)

"It's always like this," the tall redhead groaned. "We show up, we ask around, nobody knows what we're talking about, we find the proof that things are happening just as we said they are, and suddenly everyone's pointing their fingers at everyone else." Content to ride in the passenger's seat, she chewed on the end of her pen, "You'd think, just once, we'd show up and people would climb all over themselves to get the infection cleansed."

Grateful that the road he was driving on was straight for the moment, Shinji quickly adjusted himself to being responsible for an automobile traveling at high speed. "Luck…uhm, luck doesn't play into it much, does it?" With no information to go off of, he gambled that what she was describing would indicate a continued streak of bad rolls.

"If it wasn't for bad luck, you and I wouldn't have any at all," she patted his leg firmly. "Still…I have you. It's hard to complain when your partner always has your back." Scribbling more down on the spiralbound notebook she carried, she began to hum a familiar tune.

Quickly recognizing it as a local lullaby, he took another chance and began to quietly sing the words in time with her humming. Like all songs, the subject matter mattered less than the object of the song falling asleep, and many of the words were simple nonsense intended only to rhyme with other earlier words in the rhythm. The first sign of trouble came when he saw clouds boiling off in the distance.

"You never sing," Idunn laughed happily. "Looking forward to getting home, are we? You know that there's a 'honey-do' list ten kilometers long waiting, right?"

He could feel his fingers on the steering wheel, and he wore no ring, "Doesn't that require a 'honey' to 'do' things for?"

Her laughter faded, "Sorry." Looking out the windshield, she nodded, "It's these damn infections…I keep waiting for the day when you and I aren't immune anymore. When…when I lose the best thing that's ever happened to me to…to _them_." Sighing, she looked back to him, "I'm sorry, I really am. You're probably just as happy as I am to be leaving this area. But seriously, you never sing. Something on your mind?"

 _Nice recovery,_ Ireul whispered. _Try asking her about how she feels about you._

"Us, I guess," he shrugged. "I…uhm, well I don't know where we stand."

"Same place we always stand," Idunn gripped his knee firmly. "Back to back, against the world. I know I kind of went off script back in the village. But, well…I didn't think it would hurt for you and I to try something new, you know?" Worry crept into her tone, "Why…was it not ok? I know you always do the cooking, and I do the cleaning, but you had to chase that little bitch down and I wanted to…. I know I'm not 'feminine', but neither are you, and you're always cooking!" Anger replaced worry, "You're always doing everything for me! I'm supposed to protect you, and you're always taking the hits for me. What kind of woman am I that can't step up and fix one small fucking meal for her partner?! It's all their fault that-"

The car that hit them from the side that wasn't there the instant before, the impact sending their vehicle tumbling uncontrolled off a ravine that also appeared out of nowhere, had no driver. There was nothing he could do, even with his inhuman reaction time, to accommodate for her mind suddenly having decided that she was done speaking with him at that moment. Dreams, much as they always are, proved unpredictable. Just before impact, the scene vanished and Shinji was able to land unharmed back on the floor of the Void Room.

 _Well…ok,_ Leliel laughed uncomfortably. _I thought I had a bad temper._

Ireul sighed, _At least it seems consistent with what the others say she was like. Prefers to be in control, afraid of her own lack of feminine traits, and mistrustful. That bodes well for her personality remaining intact…but does present challenges for restoring her to consciousness. If every shard we come across is going to have a massive chip on their shoulder, it's going to be difficult to know if we're moving towards the real her or away from it._

"Challenges…are meant to be overcome," Shinji worked his shoulders loose. "It was a good start. Let's keep the tempo up."

+++++ Author's Notes:

JaceSterne: RE: Asuka.

There's no stopping an angered Asuka, only weathering or avoiding.

TripleF:

RE: Rose and Amy.

Rose is busy, as you can see in this chapter, elsewhere in the world. Amethyst is focusing almost to the exclusion of her own health, on another project at the moment that was mentioned several chapters ago.

RE: Shinji and how far he's fallen from the tree.

Sometimes we take the good with the bad. In this case, Gendo and Yui were incredibly intelligent people who were capable of plans within plans. Now that he has some experience under his belt, and a strong chain of maturity building, Shinji's going to start taking serious strides towards building his own brand.

RE: Yui.

"Stay tuned".

TheHiddenLettuce: RE: Asuka and the role of the Antagonist.

I will remind everyone, the antagonist is not necessarily the villain. Nor is the protagonist necessarily the hero. An antagonist is simply an obstacle on the protagonist's journey. This is not to say that Asuka _won't_ be an antagonist, nor that she _will_ be an antagonist. Just not necessarily a villain.


	129. Chapter 129

+++++ 15th Angel + 1: Friday (120)

Nineteen dream-driven variations of fear and worry later, Shinji stood on a mountainside, going over a topographical map with Idunn. He'd long since become accustomed to starting 'in medias res', and tried to make the best of this latest chance while remembering the disgusting nature of her last nightmare, "At least the air is clean."

"It's wonderful," Idunn agreed, marking where she'd paced off with a finger before smiling up at him. "I think this was a good idea. I'm sorry I fought against it at first." Returning to her consideration of the map he held, she traced a ridgeline, "I think we'll have more luck along here. There's enough similar elevation that we can hope to find a depression off to the side to set up for the night."

"On your lead then," professionally folding the map and tucking it away, he gave her a hope-filled smile.

Rolling her eyes and snorting out a laugh, she poked him in the ribs as she set out, "No blaming me if this doesn't pan out, you. If we sleep exposed to the wind again tonight, you had your chance to take point." Pleased at the way she saw his shadow holding his hands up in surrender, she offered an olive branch, "I'll let you handle all of the cooking, tonight. I'm not sure how I managed to burn everything, but I don't want to tempt fate twice."

He kept up the friendly atmosphere, hoping that they weren't about to get buried under an avalanche, "Practice, I'm sure that's all that separates us."

"Credit where it's due, you ate every last scrap." Slowing to a halt, she turned and smiled in pain, "Why?" The pinkish hue of her face where it was touched by the cold wind accented her hair beautifully, her eyes glowed with a hurt that he recognized all too well. It was no surprise to him that she was attractive, he'd known that since they first met. He was surprised, however, that she suddenly looked so vulnerable.

"Because burnt or not, it's what we have to eat?" Keeping his voice low enough to not carry past her ears, he tried to restore the light mood, "It wasn't that bad, I promise."

"No, you…glorious block of a man." She gestured between the two of them, "Why? You could be with any other woman right now. Someone who can cook a meal without destroying it. You could be warm in her arms. You could receive more affection than a fully clothed hug and the occasional touch of my forehead against yours. For ten years after all of that nonsense in Japan you have walked by my side, never once being given even a simple kiss…so why?"

 _She'll know if you lie,_ Ireul cautioned. _Remember, truth here is going to be subjective to her interpretation._

The answer to her question seemed easy, as it was something he would likely say in any life, "Because I want to save you. If that means suffering, then that's what it means. If I wanted easy, I could have taken any number of women up on their offers. Lived a life of luxury with servants, and cheap sex, and pointless parties. I'm me, though, and would have hated every second of that. This," he gestured between them, "doesn't ever have to be more than what it is now, and it would still be more warm and affectionate than someone who just wanted what's between my legs."

Idunn scanned his face, clearly seeking the lie in what he'd stated. After a minute or so of coming up empty, she turned and moved them onwards, "We need to get moving, or we'll not keep our pace up."

Hurrying after, he scanned the surrounding area for potential hazards. It was almost always emotional dissonance that caused the dreams to burst, and she was clearly tormented by something deeper than what he'd just attempted to smooth over. _Did I mess that up?_

Leliel responded first, _I wouldn't think so. If she knows you as well as you feel she does, she would have expected that kind of an answer. What woman wouldn't want someone she cares for to come to her rescue?_

 _A strong, independent, one,_ Ireul replied. _That may very well be part of the problem, as we expected. Honesty was still the right play there, because finding the true 'her' is going to require that we deal with some of the baggage along the way._

Well-frozen snow shimmered in the soft late-Summer sun, the wind remaining calmer on the leeward side of the ridge they kept to. It was a long hike, though he didn't mind the exertion after he'd adjusted his clothing to fit better. No more words were shared over the hours they walked, Idunn forging the trail with him remaining slightly below and behind her, ready to catch her if she slipped or fell. Part of him was curious as to why they weren't connected by a rope, and the symbolism of that separation consumed most of the remaining journey until once more his companion stopped moving as the sun disappeared behind the mountain. Looking around at the bowl they were on the lip of, he asked another simple question, "This far enough for today?"

"Not all of us are superhuman," she retorted with a dry glower.

Once more showing his hands, innately understanding that an apology would be poorly received and that surrender was key to peace, he unfastened his pack and began to move towards the logical spot for making camp. He knew what was expected of him, and that she'd catch up when she finished berating herself for snapping at him. _She's like a less…erratic Asuka. It's personality, and not chemical._

Ireul agreed easily, _Trauma, tragedy, and troubles all combine to make a painful mix for your former species, my love. It is no shock that she has subjects in her history that would have conditioned her to despise not being in control. By the time that you and I were one, she had already absented herself. From what I've seen, I'd think she did so because she feared pushing her own need for control onto you._

 _She was much happier when she first came. Things were simpler then. I had a girlfriend,_ he had the tent put together in short order, _they needed protection. The bad guys messed up, the good guys could move in and help me, easy. The more complex it became, I think the further she pushed me away. I wasn't 'simple' anymore. I was a complication._

 _I think you're not as right as you think you are,_ Leliel hesitated. _You're not fully wrong…but that doesn't feel like the right answer._

"Sorry," Idunn cut into his mental conversation. "I know you hate being reminded of it."

"No worries," he allowed forgiveness and understanding to color his features. "I'm a giant albino, you're a beautiful redhead. With our powers combined, we're freakishly tall."

Barking out a laugh, she grinned with relief, "Wandering the world in search of a place to live far away from everyone else. Doomed to never be warm again." Pulling out the food preparation and water reclamation kits, she shook the snow off herself before entering the broad, squat, tent, "I'll set up in here, penalty for being a cunt. You mind digging out the pit and bringing the snow back?"

 _She's a good woman,_ "With gusto." Looking around for a good place to put everything, he nodded to himself, _I need to succeed here. She deserves to live._

+++++ 15th Angel + 1: Friday (120)

Lilith arrived in Misato's office after the group of women from the Manor had broken up to go back to its duties. Verifying that they were alone before materializing, she coughed where she would be seen so as not to lose points before she'd even begun, "Good day."

A slight scowl which more indicated confusion than irritation flickered onto her face before the sub-commander spoke, "Where've you been? Never saw you leave the party last night, wondered if we were boring you." Dropping her pen onto her desk, she leaned back, "Something a mere mortal can do to help?"

"You're immortal now, dear," the Mother of Night disagreed, accepting the rebuke as earned. "And…there is." Rolling her hand about slightly, she set a bubble in place around them that would stop their conversation from being overheard by any of the recording devices she knew were present, "There. Now they can't hear or see what we're saying."

Misato's eyes went hard, "Did they bug my office again? Well. Thank you for letting me know that. I'm going to enjoy firing people today." Growling, irritation growing in her gut, she forced herself to remain pleasant with the woman before her, "You may not know, but Shinji's currently trying to recover Idunn Haraldson. Though I'm sure you could have found out if you went to him first."

"I sensed he was busy, so I came to the woman he would trust most with this information," a little flattery wouldn't hurt her case. "The clone army that Tabris had developed to use against us was…." Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes and blew it out slowly in an effort to stop herself from sabotaging herself, "Rose, myself…and Eve, cooperated to eliminate them. To our knowledge, and…mostly thanks to Eve being his mother, we are confident that the threat has been reduced to _only_ the potential assault by the Angel of Free Will." Opening her eyes, she held up her hand at chest level, "That is not to say that he is going to be easy to defeat for Shinji, only that we are no longer looking at an army of powerful variations on his structure."

"That's…good news." The violet-haired warrior leaned forward, "That's great news! Why do you seem so dower about it? Was anyone harmed? Are you all right?"

The concern present, and the fact that it wasn't limited solely to Rose, felt far more pleasant than Lilith was comfortable admitting, "No, no. The three of us weren't in much danger." Editing the event slightly, she shrugged, "After all, just Rose and I were able to handle everything during Arael's attack. Eve, as loathe as I am to admit it, is quite powerful on her own. The three of us against him alone," grimacing, she acknowledged more of the truth, "after Eve reduced his clones to their component chemicals, there was never any danger. Rose and Eve are standing guard over him with some of Rose's security personnel, he's not going anywhere. Not until it's time for him to fight Shinji. Which, you may or may not know, is…necessary. If we try to circumvent it, by killing him ourselves or out of turn, Creation may step in. That's why I'm here, and not either of them. I…don't want to risk…him."

"I see." She was well aware of the political maneuvering the two antagonistic women had been partaking of, and the fact that several times Lilith had directly threatened Eve's life. That the elder being was standing before her…not lying her ass off to deflect praise away from Eve…. "I'll make sure to tell Shinji, if I see him before you do, that you didn't let petty bullshit interfere with military operations. Knowing the status of our enemy gives us a huge advantage, and maybe we can get some relaxation in now that we don't have to worry about Tabris terrorizing us." Gesturing to the chair next to her desk, she pulled out another package of cookies, "Sit down, tell me about the operation. Cookie?"

+++++ 15th Angel + 1: Friday (120)

 _She's asleep, in a dream,_ Shinji tried to puzzle through how that could possibly function. _Does that mean she's dreaming within a dream? Would we be able to go into that dream? I don't understand any of this as well as I thought I had._

 _She's not asleep,_ Leliel poked him mentally. _She's thinking. Don't be an idiot._

When he'd first entered the tent before he'd made them dinner, he noticed that she'd zipped their sleeping bags together. She also, however, had not mentioned or made note of it to him. When it came time to climb under the blankets, she'd stopped him from stepping out, as he intended to, so that she could remove those few items that would cut off circulation in the middle of the night. Forcing him to stay, to face her, she deliberately showed him her form via the thermal undergarments they wore. It wasn't 'sexy', or 'seductive', it was utilitarian. Commonplace. A matter of fact way of doing what needed doing. And when she finally climbed under the blankets, holding up the leaf so that he could join her, he wasted no time in securing her body heat. It wasn't that he was extremely eager to be near her in 'bed', but that she was risking exposure and hesitation would be his fault should she suffer.

Now that he was lying beside her, turned so that he faced her out of a habit he'd developed sleeping next to other women, the distance between them seemed far more vast than the two centimeters their joined bags allowed. With the arm against the ground bent so that it boosted the compressible pillow, and his other arm draped over his ribs, he hesitated to reach out to the woman before him. There was a wall, a barrier, something that screamed at him that he shouldn't violate the space she occupied. It wasn't his earlier fears, his uncertainty that she was more than just a good friend, for even a good friend would deserve physical comfort when they were suffering. The obstruction came directly from the woman before him, faced away from him, and apparently deep in thought.

"Do you remember when I pulled her off of you?" Her voice seemed devoid of life, a condemned woman giving her last words to those who would forever see her in a different light, "I…doubt you could forget that."

"I do," this wasn't his turn to speak, and simple seemed better than verbose.

There was a soft rustle of fabric, her hand gripping a seam in the bag, "I thought I was rescuing you. That the monster would be gone. Your father allowed it to happen, we stopped her before she could get further, get you home and let you begin to heal." She tucked in on herself, "I…I wanted…." Unable to force the words out, she changed tracks, "Then we got to the Horaki family home. Their father's corpse not yet cold, both sisters fighting over who would bed you first, ignoring the pain of poor little Nozomi. Then that terrible woman with the sword pushes you too far, and you finally snapped." Pride, happiness, and satisfaction flooded her tone, "You let her know, in no uncertain terms, that everyone around you was being a bunch of self-centered assholes. That you didn't care about your pain, it wasn't important, you needed for those three children you lived with to be better. I wanted…to…." Her body further clenched, "Weeks went by, and you continued to swallow all of your pain. You were miserable. Forced between women who wanted you for their own selfish needs, acting as the father that you never had, you fought with all of your heart to save them. The attack at sea, Hikari's surgery, trauma after trauma. I watched you dying inside. I wanted to…to move…." After a shuddering breath, she forced out the truth, "I wanted t-to move you in w-with me. To stop you f-from feeling f-forced t-to…to…."

"You wanted to save me," he summarized for her, his voice soft and free of disdain. The distance between them vanished as she shoved her back against his chest, grabbing his left arm and wrapping it around her midriff. Curling around her, he took her lead and held her as he would a close friend, "You did, Idunn. I'm sorry I couldn't tell you everything…nobody would have believed me, and anyone who did would have been in more danger."

"I didn't though," reaching back and pulling his other arm around her shoulder so that she laid in the crook of his elbow, she continued to berate herself. "I wanted to take you in. To keep you for myself. To show you that you weren't alone, and that you weren't responsible for everyone else. I wanted to show you that you could live for yourself, that abuse wasn't the only life you could choose!"

There was a lie present in the rush of words, but where he couldn't quite puzzle out. "So," he continued after she seemed unwilling to, "you…wanted to be, what, my big sister?"

The sudden shift in her voice was ominous, "I wanted to train you like I had been trained. Don't you see, Shinji?" Rolling over to face him, she was no longer the woman he'd been holding, "I just wanted to perpetuate the cycle of abuse I had suffered through. Except this time, I'd be the one in charge."

With barely enough time to recognize that the evil in his arms only vaguely resembled Idunn, the crush of snow flattening the tent shoved him through the now familiar emptiness of the Void Room. Involuntarily shuddering, he walked around to shake off the sensation she'd radiated outwards, "That…that wasn't her."

 _I hate to disagree,_ Ireul sighed, _but that was very much her. That, my love, was her unrepressed desires. The thing she would never consciously allow free. Far different than the selfish desires, those things that she wants for herself, or the harmful desires that she chooses to punish herself for the guilt she feels, that was the evil in her soul that she abjures from her presence._

Leliel's hand rubbed his back, _It's ok. Seeing that kind of concentrated negativity up close is the stuff of nightmares. She's not that kind of a person, though, or that's all we'd be seeing. She seems nice, for a Lilin._

"And you want me to let that out?" He looked around, pointing to himself, "I'm able to tear apart a building with my bare hands, and I was scared to death! You think I'm going to allow that kind of thing out where it could harm the women in my life?!"

 _You…don't have that kind of negativity,_ Ireul's voice was confused. _You have darkness, certainly, but I thought we already explained to you that darkness and negativity are not the same thing. We want you to find balance, within yourself, not seek out the destructive evils that others choose to focus on._

 _He doesn't understand, sis. I told you that. He thinks he's evil, and terrible, and mean. Sometimes you look too deep for answers when they're right there on the surface._ Leliel snorted, _He's bought into the lie that darkness is bad, and light is good. He doesn't even see the opposing flame when his darkness glows from his eye._

"Opposing flame?" Shaking off the concern, he slapped himself a few times, "No. This isn't about me. Let's keep going. We have to be moving in the right direction, with how long I was able to stay in that dream."

Ireul was reluctant to move on when they had a chance to improve his own concept of self, _You're avoiding_ -

He knew he was, "I'm avoiding failure, let's go."

+++++ 15th Angel + 1: Friday (120)

It was another sixty or so dreams before they'd found one stable enough to make ground on. An old sailing vessel, designed to be crewed by a few hundred sailors, and instead run by two. Having landed in the dream as the ship rolled merrily along on a calm ocean night, he had at first been confused as to why he was alone. When he heard Idunn call down to him from above, standing on a crossbeam of one of the sails, he then panicked that she might fall and hurt herself.

What followed was several days of infrequent meetings as two people performed the work of far more, only occasionally in the same area at the same time. Shouted conversations over the span of the vessel, or the roar of the waves, allowed him to determine that they were headed 'north and east'. His familiarity with maps of the planet gave him little help, as from the middle of many oceans 'north and east' was possible. All he knew was they weren't making great time, and he was responsible for making certain she ate and had fresh water.

Five days in, during which he hadn't slept a wink, and she only begrudgingly slept at all, she approached him waving her arm and shouting for him to help her drop the sea anchors. Once their motion was slowed as best as they could manage, she turned and smiled broadly, "Ok. If I've done my calculations right, we're here." With the sun barely visible on the horizon, and the shelter of the main cabin shading them further, she scrubbed her fingers through hair that hadn't been washed in weeks, "It's…well, I mean it's possible that it's a few meters that way, or that way," she pointed off to the sides, "but I'm almost entirely positive that you and I are standing on the North Pole."

"Which would mean," he found the sun, and then pointed southward, "magnetic north is that way."

Pushing on his arm to correct his aim, she laughed, "It's a bit more eastward than due south. Hasn't meandered that far west of where it was figured originally yet." Looking around, her smile grew more content, "We did it, Paladin. Last two people on Earth, and we've stood on both poles. I couldn't have done it without you." She turned to look at him in gratitude, "Won't be that much longer. But I can face it without regret, now. Thank you."

The ominous nature of her statement worried him immediately, and he poked at the edges of it to see if he could tease out an answer, "So…nothing else you want to do? I mean…uhm," he purposefully looked around at the horizon, "the view is pretty, sure, but…not much to do to pass the time."

"Well, yeah," she agreed. "Water's acidic enough to melt skin, only reason we can breathe is the shield you've put around the _Firestorm_ , and we ran out of conversational topics on the way down to Antarctica. I don't know…you've humored me this far, what do you want to do? Anything you want to knock out before the end?" Scratching again at her hair, her scalp clearly agitating her, she looked up to the sky, "Wish I could have shown this to my brother. Not," she clarified quickly, "that I'm upset you're here. I'm…I miss him. You know? I mean…no, I guess you wouldn't know. Never really had a family worth calling one. Just a bunch of people taking advantage of your kindness, like me," she scowled. "We need to do something for you. What can I do? Tell me. Anything. Anything at all. Well," she looked towards the barest sliver of sunlight, "anything we can manage before things go wrong."

The way she was scratching at skin that clearly hadn't been properly cleansed in ages bothered him, and like most things he did when something bothered him, he failed to put a great deal of forethought into his statement, "Would you mind if we showered off? I can warm up the water, and I saw some soap in the stores. It's not perfect, but it will get us clean?"

"Shower?" She blinked, a hint of an uncertain smile teasing the corners of her lips as she looked towards the Captain's cabin, "Both of us?" Just as he realized that he'd left that ambiguity in place, she shrugged and locked her arm in his to walk them onwards, "Sure. We began this lifelong tragedy in a shower, may as well end it in one." Climbing the stairs easily with him, she continued talking to cover over awkwardness, "So how warm can you make the water? Warm-warm, or hot-warm? Are we going to get to turn the shower area into a sauna? I haven't had a proper sauna bath in ages…."

Forcibly pausing them before they entered the surprisingly large baths, he tried to clarify his intent, "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, Idi. I should have-"

"Hey, you have traveled the world because I wanted to. You have climbed mountains, descended into caves, and sailed to the four corners of the map on my wild whims. I'm not kidding when I say that for what you have given me, _nothing_ is off the table." Leaning into the room, she looked around, "Besides, we'll get to have a happy memory of awkwardness in a shower instead of a painful memory of abuse. You want a shower, let's shower."

Hauled bodily in, he tripped over the doorjamb and barely caught himself against the wall, with Idunn trapped between him and the vertical surface. With one hand near her head, and the other by her side, he loomed over her despite her formidable height, "S-sorry." _I don't know how I feel about her…she's beautiful, but she ran away from me._ "I…uhm, I-"

The uncertainty in her eyes grew, "You shouldn't poke fun." Gripping the front of his shirt tight, she kept him from pulling back, "Lady might start to think you wanted something other than a shower." Her chin tilted up slightly, moving her lips closer to his, before she caught herself, "I…uhm…I'll help you with your shirt." Rendering his chest bare to the world, she soon realized the folly of the attempted evasion, with an eyeful of muscled strength on display, "I…Shin- _Paladin_ , I need you to tell me 'No'."

"Wh-why?" The word not being what he'd wanted to say, he seized up mentally.

"Because I'm terrible for you. You're a victim, I'm a victim. You…you have so many women already, surrounding you…. Even my own Agents, I know they're trying to catch your eye. You don't need another empty vessel begging for you to shove me up against a wall and just pound me until I accept your love." Clenching her jaw shut, she pushed away, and walked to the other side of the room, "That…that wasn't what I'd meant to say. I meant to say you don't need a jealous woman ruining what was chosen for you by women who don't understand your desires." Her head lifted up, and she turned back around with her eyes wide once again, "Oh, oh I didn't mean that either! I'm not trying to belittle the selfish little twit who pushed you to accept other women because she's afraid of commit-" Her hands clapped over her mouth, stifling any further truths from slipping out.

 _And there it is,_ he sighed. _The reason she left._ "I suppose it shouldn't have been such a mystery," he changed to speaking out loud, determined to take advantage of whatever might remain of the dream. Her emotional instability usually presaged the collapse of the bubble, and the clock was ticking. Setting comfortably hot water to raining from above them throughout the room, he spread his hands wide, "Can we be honest with each other, then? Is that why you left to go to Nevada?"

Slumping down onto the bench, she gave up, "I've already ruined a great dream, may as well admit it to myself. Yes, dream version of a man I am legally, ethically, and morally obligated to ignore my feelings for. I ran away to Nevada because the real world version of you kept treating me like I was worthy of respect. Kept talking to me as if I mattered to him, despite my disagreeing with everything that he accepted from a group of manipulative, scheming, women that in any sane world would have been forced to stay away from him. Looked at me as if he respected me, while I thought nothing but silly romantic fantasies of him adding a '-chan' to my name. How pathetic am I? Old enough to be his mother, considering what happened to a number of my peers in the Europa Wars, what was done to me by…. And yet I lust after him like the bitch that tried to rape him. I'm disgusting, fantasizing about the end of the world as he pushes me down and claims me at the north pole."

"I…would argue that there's a difference, between you and Ritsuko," he disagreed, trying to unpack both what she presented and what he felt. "Ritsuko wasn't herself. She was being manipulated. You aren't forcing me to do anything. Nor are you being manipulated. She couldn't control herself, you won't let go of your self-control. She never asked…and you're not asking."

Tilting her face up to let the water run down her body, she began to strip, "Fine then, Dream Shinji. You want to argue logic, then lets argue logic." When her shirt came off, the latticework of scars he'd never known were there popped out bright and furious against her skin, "Tell me, honestly, that he would find this attractive. You and I, since you _are_ I, both know that he'd be disgusted by the sight. He's got access to flawless skinned-"

"I will find whoever did this to you, and I will rend their soul apart." The space between her and him vanished, and he knelt before her to gently run his finger along the worst of the markings, "These are not from a life lived hard…these are intentional. I recognize the type. Someone wanted to make you believe nobody could love you…. Those lives…the times you and I were great friends, and you never wanted to be seen without a body covering on…. This." _I can't. I can't get too close. I'll remove her choice if I do._ Standing, he backed up a step, "You are wrong, Idunn Haraldson, sister of Thor Haraldson, beloved of Jorth Haraldson née Nordheim. I am not disgusted by the sight, only by the actions that led to it."

She couldn't blink, staring in open-mouthed disbelief at what she began to understand, "Sh-Shinji?" Taking one step forward to close the distance, she reached up and touched his face, "It's…this is…." Her head began to slowly sway side to side, disbelief and uncertainty warring with words that she herself could never imagine him saying, "You're…you're in my dreams? It has to be a dream, I barely can manage to row a dinghy, let alone navigate open seas. I have to have fallen asleep somehow. You have to tell Commander Fuyutsuki, he can't trust-"

The world collapsed violently around them both swallowing both the last sentence and whatever she might have said to conclude it, a whirlwind of water and flame destroying everything and casting them both back into darkness.

+++++ 15th Angel + 1: Friday (120)

"It is, at least in my opinion, an extension of how he is," Hikari shrugged. "He sees someone in danger, he goes to do something about that danger. At least this time the worst that might happen is we end up with a new family member, and not him comatose for a week or so as his body realigns itself after getting hit by a train."

Kodama blew out her cheeks as she remembered a time that felt like years before, "True. I'm not opposed to Idunn-san, so long as she understands she's part of a team. She and I butted heads, but I think that was honestly in large part because I was trying to figure out how I fit in, and she was trying to push everyone but you away."

"That will need to come to a halt too," the younger sister stated flatly. "If that was ever in the cards, it was burnt to the ground as soon as this 'Creation' decided that we needed to have a bigger family. I am _not_ going to abide someone acting like Soryu-san. In his soul or not, this is _our_ family. As in all of us. Together. None bigger than the whole."

"Kodama-nee-san! Kodama-nee-san!" Nozomi came flying into the kitchen, worry and fear hanging off of her, "They changed the show! It's not the word puzzles anymore, it's something about being smart and a western five 'T' 'H'. The host has a really bad moustache, too."

"We'll check the MAGI," Hikari leaned back to where she would be visible, naturally seeking to soothe her baby sister's anxiety. "I'm sure that there's some library service that has old shows we can watch. Might not even have to watch advertisements, which would be a bonus because we could watch two, instead of just one episode."

"The _MAGI_!" Nozomi's eyes widened, and she took back off towards the couch calling for 'Yang-nee-san' to check the MAGI network for some sort of 'book store show rental store thing'.

Kodama frowned, "Have we never taken her to a library? Are we that old?"

"Hikari-nee," Sakura's voice sounded winded as she leaned heavily on her cane in the doorframe, the day's excitement becoming too much on the still-recovering young woman, "is there something I can do to help?"

"Koko, could you help Yinghua-chan wash her hands and then put her up on the stool?" Pulling out a box of crackers, and a plate, she set them before the girl she still considered her sister, "I need these sorted out evenly, please. Once that's done, I should be finished slicing fruit, and we'll evenly distribute those too."

"Are…uhm," the newest Xu squirmed slightly, "are you ok calling me that?"

"Oh, honey," Kodama hugged her as tight as she was comfortable doing while the stricken youth scrubbed her hands earnestly with soap, "we'll use whichever name you prefer. I think they're both beautiful, and we just want you to be the happiest little lady on Earth, ok?"

Hikari nodded, "Remember, _you_ own yourself. That means that if it involves you, you decide what other people do. So if you want me to use either name, you tell me. I agree with _my_ nee-san, both names are lovely. I am simply using the name that Yang used, because it was in my head."

"C-could you?" Still nervous, she looked between the two women she deeply respected, "I-I know it's…uhm…it's…."

"Lovely," Hikari said at the same time as Kodama announced, "Beautiful."

The eldest sister grinned, "See?"

"We'll all practice writing your new name," the freckle-faced Class Rep announced. "I insist that I be able to write everyone's names in my family without hesitation, it's just proper."

"She's not kidding," Kodama stage-whispered. "She has this cute little notebook where she wrote Shinji's name with a bunch of hearts between her name and his."

Turning slowly to face her tormentor, she blushed as she demanded, "You did _not._ "

"I was looking for the stamps," she shrugged. "You left it open on the writing desk."

Sakura giggled, "That's really cute, Hikari-nee. Maybe…maybe I should practice writing his name too. So I can show him, and he can tell me…tell me I did a good job."

Both former Horaki children dropped their teasing byplay to reassure the poor young lady that her idea would go over wonderfully, completely confident that she could mess up every stroke and Shinji would still praise her for trying her best. It was just how the man they loved was, and they wouldn't want him to be any other way.

+++++ 15th Angel + 1: Friday (120)

"It's a matter of trust," Maya shrugged, understanding why Jorth was reluctant to accept the answer. "If my husband feels that it's appropriate for him to attach her to all of us, then I will support his decision. If she fails to integrate properly into the household, by which I mean keeps unnecessary drama out of what will be her home too, then I'll engage with her. But so long as she agrees to work with us to keep things flowing smoothly, and doesn't cause problems for the children, I accept that I ultimately have little choice as to who enters my household."

The foreign priestess shook her head sadly, "It is an untenable situation for everyone, isn't it? This should have happened over time, with calm discussions about both emotions and logic, instead of forced upon you by the capricious whims of a being you will never meet."

Kyoko agreed readily, _It would have been healthier overall. As…indescribably happy as I am to be a part of his soul, I'm not selfish enough to say that I'm not embarrassed to be so deeply attached to another woman's husband._

After relaying what Jorth could not hear, the elder of Shinji's first two wives made a soothing, if futile, gesture along the spirit's forearm, "It's not your fault, Kyoko-san. Again, I can either rail against something I have no hope of changing, or suffer pointlessly as I refuse to accept what must be, or take the healthy route and accept what I cannot change and work within it to make it better for everyone around me." With the lack of men in the room, she was able to put in with a quiet smile and more than a touch of embarrassment, "Besides, the sex is mind-blowing. With him, or my wives. There's just something about being able to feel the emotions as if they were a physical force that just…."

"I hope that lasts, little one," Jorth stated with full sincerity. "Too many young relationships coalesce around the physical act, and eventually that tends to fade as even the most agile positions become routine."

 _With proper counseling, and a willingness to engage in spontaneity, it should be just fine,_ Kyoko argued. _He has a great many advantages that most men lack, to say nothing of the size of his-_

"Kyoko-san," Maya shushed the woman, "not in front of company. You'll embarrass her."

 _I'm just saying, compared to my soon-to-be late ex-husband's-_ The spirit smiled tolerantly as Maya waved her hands frantically trying to cover over her mouth, _Sweetie, she can't hear me._

"Please do share whatever it is I'm missing." The unmistakable tone of an order was present in Jorth's voice, her patience for what she felt to be 'rudeness' very low, "As it seems that Miss Zeppelin Soryu is interested in changing my mind."

"She's…comparing my husband's equipment to her ex-husband's," beet-red, the Lieutenant Colonel tried to keep her voice at a barely audible whisper.

"Oh, I have no doubt that Paladin is hung like a prized stallion," Jorth cackled, now amused at Maya's antics. "I wouldn't have taken you for one to become so flustered over his physical details, dear. If your love is providing what you enjoy, take pride in that. He clearly cares enough to make certain you receive satisfaction, instead of what so many men and women tend to do." Leaning to the side, propping herself up on her elbow atop the armrest, she considered the much smaller woman, "You _are_ returning the favor, aren't you?"

Looking down, her blush rivaling Shinji's best, she squeaked out a, "Yes, ma'am."

+++++ 15th Angel + 1: Friday (120)

Another thirty dreams later, Shinji wound back up in the Void Room, eager to punch something for how frustrated he'd become, "I don't get it! We were right there. _Right. There._ " Pacing back and forth he worked his hands into fists, clenching and relaxing them in a vain effort to calm himself, "She wanted to tell me something, she _knew_ I was looking for her! Why are we now stuck dropping into dreams that last seconds? Does she like being stuck here?!"

Leliel's voice seemed resigned, _Pull him?_

 _Pull him,_ Ireul agreed.

"Wait, what-" The real world reasserted its hold over his mind as his eyes opened and he saw Idunn's sallow and jaundiced features. Barely restraining his rage at being yanked unceremoniously out of what he was trying to do, he pushed himself cautiously out of bed before turning and spying the two Aspects standing between him and the other three ladies in the room, not even registering the identities of the latter. Grinding out his words, however, made his emotional state eminently clear to all who heard it, "I wasn't done."

"I disagree," Ireul crossed her arms under her chest, leaning slightly forward, challenging him and focusing his anger on herself. "I think you've gone as far as can be expected, at the moment."

Leliel, attempting to play 'good cop' made a soothing motion, "We know where we were, and we can continue again once you've had a chance to-"

"I don't need rest," he snapped. "I don't need food, or water, or to even breathe! I'm a damned chaos machine that runs on nonsense and pain, so what are we doing out here instead of fixing her," he pointed to the unconscious agent. "Every minute we waste out here is hours, or days, for her in there. She's suffering while you two dither about like-"

Maya, showing that even while embarrassed she was still formidable in her own right, had stood up and stalked over to get under his nose, "You will _not_ speak to your loved ones like that, mister."

Ireul held her sibling back, shaking her head subtly to indicate that it was fine.

"M-Maya?" Caught off guard, his anger pulled back hard against what it recognized as a far more serious threat, "I-I-"

"Don't you 'M-Maya' me, you oaf," jabbing him in the chest with a finger, she pushed him back a step. "Apologize to them," gesturing with the hand that wasn't boring a hole in his sternum, she indicated the two Aspects, "right now!"

Bowing, somehow, without hitting his wife with his upper body, he followed instructions, "I am very sorry for my behavior, please forgive my insolence."

"Well…that explains Miss Suzuka," Jorth sighed.

"Jorth?" Blinking, Shinji stood up and felt the blinding fog of rage that he hadn't realized had gripped him burning away to reveal conscious lucidity again, "I…what just happened?" When his wife's scolding finger became a soothing hand, he reflexively clasped her to him, "What was I saying?"

"While you may be a 'machine', physically, your mind retains a great deal of its more Lilin quirks," Ireul relaxed, no longer needing to be ready to defend the women in the room against flying objects, should his rage have become untethered. "What just happened, my love, is you became frustrated and disoriented. Too long in a dream, any dream, and the chances of you retaining your more logical mind decrease greatly. In short, your emotions ran away with you."

"Advisor," Leliel blew an explosive breath out, "please be careful when talking to one of us while we're not acting from conscious thought. He would be devastated to find out that he accidentally separated your head from your shoulders because he didn't recognize you, and…I would kind of miss you too."

Kyoko moved over to hug the younger of the two Aspects comfortingly, _It's fine, dear. She knew what she was doing. Maya-chan is probably the best person to involve in cases like this. She can crook her finger and have him come crawling, or glare at him and have him cowering away. It's just how he sees her._

Shinji dropped to one knee to rest his head against the slender scientist's chest. Forcing his breathing to steady out, he whispered, "That…that was…." His brow bunched and released, his expression moving through various emotions as he tried to rationalize the irrational, "I'm sorry. I was just…I _was_ emotion."

There was more than a little satisfaction for her as she soothed his hair. Maya had managed, once again, what none of the other women present did, or could, and settled her husband's mind. He was clinging to her, trusting to her as an anchor against his drifting away from everything. "It's ok," she cooed gently, "it's hard for anyone to make sense of their own feelings, let alone make sense of someone else's like you're having to."

Leaving the man they loved to his wife, Ireul turned to address the relative of the patient they were attempting to save, "We have made significant progress, ma'am. To be honest, we've come further than I thought we would, despite some very serious complications. She remains a distinct being from him, we've already made glancing contact between his conscious mind and her conscious mind, and after some rest, and distance, I think we'll be ready to try again."

"Will he be unharmed?" Jorth was not pleased by the pain on Shinji's face, "I am not so eager to restore my sister-in-law's health that I will destroy my brother to do so."

"I'm f-fine." Realizing that saying so on his knees as he clutched his security blanket close didn't exactly inspire confidence, Shinji gained his feet unsteadily and sighed, "I just need a couple minutes to…think."

"You need to process how you feel about her," Ireul disagreed firmly. "You need to discuss with your wives, girlfriends, consorts, and lovers how they feel about her. You need to spend some time in reality, remembering that this is a real place, with real people, so that you remain connected to it. Last, and most importantly, you need to spend some time doing things for yourself. I don't care what, or who, that is but it is far more difficult than it needs to be to keep you stable in her dreams with your penchant for taking care of everyone else pushing you further into the roles she casts you in."

The foreign priestess stood up herself, "Then it sounds like we are done for the day." Motioning everyone towards the door, she held a pitiless smile in place, "Out. You've done what you can, and I appreciate that you've done it. Do not come back until the Dread Spirit agrees that you are well enough to. I see you without her, we will have words."

Shinji tried to reassure her that he would be fine soon, "Jorth, I-"

"Out." That single word was delivered in a tone of voice that would give armies pause. Before him was a force of nature, and just like the primal forces she served she was capable of both comfort and shelter, or vicious and unrelenting destruction.

Knowing that there was nothing she could do to hurt him, shy of becoming disappointed in him, he engaged the better part of valor and bowed politely while allowing Maya to move him towards the door, "Thank you for entertaining my wife, Priestess. I will be back as soon as I can be."

Her smile shifted towards approval, pleased that he was not nearly as stubborn as her own husband, "I know you will, Paladin. The Damned don't give up on family, it's not our way."

+++++ 15th Angel + 1: Friday (120)

Instead of moving towards home, as Maya and Ireul urged him to, Shinji instead moved towards where he felt the two remaining women at NERV that he knew for certain would welcome him. A part of him wanted to visit Asuka, to make sure that she knew he was still wanting to be a part of her life in whatever form they could make work, but with his own emotions being squirrely at the moment he ultimately chose a path that wouldn't result in more pain for everyone involved. Striding onto the bridge, he followed his instinctive attraction to one of those two beings, currently standing bent forward before a bank of monitors and both taking notes and changing code around at speeds that few, if any, could match.

He knew he hadn't been seen, and also that he was approaching silently as Maya lingered behind to allow him to 'play'. His plan, to over-aggrandize something that scarcely deserved the title, was to show the Aspects of Night and Terror that he was recovering, and that he could engage in happier pursuits, so that he could get back to doing what he wanted to be doing faster. At the moment, that involved approaching the former blonde from behind and observing the code she was scrolling through, "Interesting view."

Jumping, her startle reflex kicking in, Ritsuko almost knocked over her favorite mug as she turned to catch sight of a snickering Maya and an innocently smiling mountain of love and pleasure. Irritation couldn't grab much of a foothold, which marred her retort of, "No being your size should move that silently. It's like being stalked by a great tiger!"

"I suppose bears aren't known for their stealth," he nodded sagely, stroking his chin. "But I don't have stripes, and as I understand even the white tigers have those." Gesturing to her code, he stepped closer to the console, "What are you working on? I can kind of read your notes."

"We're searching for a way to integrate Unit-03's core into either Unit-02 or Unit-01," she shifted so that she could teach and talk at the same time. "Planning for worst-case scenarios, before you wind yourself up too far."

"Unit…." Closing his eyes, Shinji felt his shoulders stiffen as his emotions once more proved his desires foolhardy, "I don't understand how any of you can actually love me when I am as thoughtless as I am." Bracing his fist on the desk, he fought against pressing down to avoid obliterating it and the floor beneath them, "Sakura-chan's mother is in there. We need to…to at least make contact, see if she's…." Nausea hit him as he began to think about what he went through, what Kyoko went through.

Guiding him into a chair with Maya's help, Ritsuko began the standard triaging procedure to make certain he wasn't about to collapse, "Steady breaths, Shinji." Her fingers found his pulse, and she kept her eyes moving about his face and his chest, "Deep and even, ok? Not going to help anyone if our hero collapses on the bridge."

"How…how many cores…." _Nevada._ "Oh…oh no. No, no no." Tears threatened to overwhelm him, "Why? Why can't I stop fucking up?!"

Maya, standing behind him, quickly typed out an explanation on her tablet and showed it to the other woman present, ' _Emotional overload. Became overwhelmed trying to help Idunn-san. Needs to process. Needs time with us. Needs to self-satisfy needs. Nevada had an Eva, he left the core inside the Dirac Sea._ '

Ritsuko nodded, she'd already figured out the last part and was placing the new information into its proper context, "Shinji, right now there is nothing we can do for Suzuhara-san. In order to even begin to replicate the events where you pulled Doctor Zeppelin Soryu free, we'll need to integrate the core into an Eva, verify that the Eva will accept her as an interface between pilot and monster, attempt contact to validate that she's even conscious or aware…the steps keep growing. This isn't something you could have rushed, even if you had remembered right away. Instead of beating yourself up over being human, why don't we focus on moving forward?"

"Lieutenant Colonel?" Shigeru hesitated behind the row of monitors, "I hate to interrupt, but I can't find the Commander, and Sub-Commander Katsuragi gave response number six when I called her, and you've been designated as the third in command. I need approval to sign off on the training form for your forty-third replacement, it's a matter of getting her paid properly. She's managing to hold her own, and I'd rather keep pushing her to see her limits, but…well, pay is motivation, you remember. If I can't get the form in today, it'll be another two weeks of sub-standard pay for the position."

 _Go, I've got him._ Ritsuko let Shinji hear the thought, "Aoba-kun, please have Arakaki-kun repeat test cycle B twenty three through B forty eight for the Lieutenant Colonel. I would like to have her opinion on both the results, and Arakaki-kun's capacity."

"Agreed," Maya asserted before Shigeru could defer. "We need to move carefully on integrating Unit-03's old core into one of the dormant Evas. Too much is riding on success to not be cautious. Thank you, Doctor Akagi, for making this a priority. Shigeru-kun, let's see if this lady's actually worthy of being a 'Bunny'."

Tilting Shinji's chin up slightly, the former blonde held his gaze with a fond grin and included Maya in her thoughts so the other woman could help if necessary, _I understand that you blame yourself for what happened. I get that impulse far more than you think I do. But there was nothing you could have done to recover that core in Nevada. It was at ground zero for an explosion that ripped a hole in spacetime. From what we saw of the human remains that were close to the Eva, the core itself would have fractured and collapsed. It's terrible, but that poor woman's soul was released the instant that happened. Bringing us the shards wouldn't have put the soul back inside of it._

Reaching up with a trembling hand, he guided her wrist to place her palm against his cheek, _I didn't even think to try, Rits. How many lives have I 'forgotten' to save? I'm putting all of my effort into restoring Idunn…and why? Because I knew her? Does that make her somehow more special? Sakura-chan's lost everything, and for all I've tried to do to make her happy…I didn't even think of the one thing that would have given her more than I ever could._

 _I'm not entirely sure how we would even begin to restore her to the living,_ she slowly ran her thumb under his eye. _Placing a soul into a body that's not its own is…rightly ethically castigated by many of the women we live with. Forming a new body would require the old materials, which would have been long since recycled through the LCL filters back at MIT. The only options I can think of would be to release her, which wouldn't help the child much, or bond her to you, again which wouldn't help the child much._

"There has to be a way." His voice was steadier, and the sudden overwhelming desire to cry throttled back to a lingering malaise, and so he stood up and gripped Ritsuko's shoulder tight, "If there is, I'll need your help to find it. We've already covered how big of an idiot I am. Forgetting your birthday…forgetting that there are souls inside of these cores. If anyone can, it's you."

She needed him to look at the situation realistically, despite how badly she wanted to give him everything he asked for, "And if there's no possible way?"

"Then…maybe we can at least make it so she can say goodbye." He forced himself to take another deep breath, "It's more than many people had the chance to do."

Ritsuko swallowed the fact that it was more than he'd been allowed to do, rightly worried that that particular moment in time was not the best to unbalance his emotions further. "Let's go watch the test, then we'll all gang up on Misato and drag her home. Sound good?"

Still fighting his emotions and memories, he could only numbly nod, "Yeah. Sounds good."

+++++ 15th Angel + 1: Friday (120)

Knocking on the door to Misato's office, Shinji sent a thought in to the woman he knew was not alone, _Misato…can we come in?_

A second or so later, the door popped open and a surprisingly bubbly sub-commander laughed a greeting to the trio, "Sorry, come in. I gave my EA the rest of the war off after they failed to properly screen my calls. I've been sitting here all evening talking to my guest about countermeasures and hunting for hidden microphones."

Holding half of an uneaten cookie in her fingers, Lilith sat on the desk with her legs crossed and a slightly guilty look on her face, "I…hadn't expected you to be done so soon." Setting the baked treat aside, she gently wiped her fingers off and crossed her hands in her lap, "How did it go?"

"We made some progress," Shinji decided a terse summary would be a reasonable deflection from a topic he wasn't keen to dwell over. Looking around the room, he noted that the search had involved more than a touch of what would be euphemistically termed 'radical reconstruction', "Percussive therapy?"

"Celebrating the good news," Misato proudly announced with a pleased smile. "Thanks to Lily, I know that Tabris won't be a problem until it comes time for him to be compelled to act. As it turns out, freeing Kyoko-san, displacing Asuka from the roster, and Eve blowing up our efforts at getting everyone to the table to discuss terms of peace, ultimately ended up providing us a significant military advantage. It's not perfect, because you still have to fight him, but there's a significant silver lining to what was otherwise a terrifyingly dark cloud." Going into a more detailed explanation as she pried apart several panels to locate what Lilith had told her was hiding within, she made certain to keep her end of the bargain. Unabashedly lauding the elder being's willingness to set aside fractious rivalry to do what was best for everyone, she capped it off with, "I'm honestly surprised. I admit that I wouldn't have expected her to do this, but I will not deny that I am happy she chose to do so. It's things like this that build trust, and now you come in afterwards and tell me that you've made progress with Agent Haraldson. It's a good day."

Shinji was equally surprised that the woman he'd taken to task had already found a way to address the point he'd made, "Was anything she said wrong?"

Lilith shook her head slightly, "No, she did not mention that Eve was responsible for reducing the clones to their components, but other than that she touched on everything correctly."

"So Eve sent you here to tell the truth," he snorted. "So that I would know that she was the reason for the coming peace. Leaving you to either not do as she said, and come across as bitter and jealous, or do as she said, and seem as if you were seeking praise yourself for her actions." Rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands, he groaned, "Taking perfect advantage of the lack of trust to capitalize on the rift between us, depending on how much I trusted the way you would phrase what she did." As he lowered his hands, he caught her mouth hanging slightly open in surprise, "I do have access to some of Adam's memories of his former wife. He remembers her as manipulative, scheming, and vain. I think that's tainted, owing to his own desires to be in total control over everything in Creation. But like anything, there's a kernel of truth in there somewhere."

"Got it!" Misato held up the last device, "Ok. So, Lily made the best of a bad hand. You've made progress on healing Idunn-san. We have at least a week or more before the next Angel shows up. Any reason we can't head home and catch dinner?" Crushing the bug, she tossed it onto her desk with the rest of them, "I'm hungry."

Shinji nodded slowly, returning his gaze to the elder being, "Do they need you back there right now, or can you share dinner with us?" He had been hard on her before Arael, and now that she had responded in a way that showed she listened to part of his complaints, he had to support her, "I'd like to have as much of my family there as possible."

Lily hesitated a second before asking cautiously, "Like…or want?"

His smile showed he understood her question, and the shrug he gave was his own admission that he'd let his anger run away with him on the hill the day before, "Take your pick."

+++++ Author's Notes:

TheHiddenLettuce: RE: Idunn.

It's going to take some time, as you've seen in this chapter, before they're able to truly communicate. He has some thinking to do, and lessons to learn.

TripleF:

RE: Jinxes.

They really should know better, but it's hard to not be optimistic when you're an optimist.

RE: Tabris.

That's going to be…a thing.

RE: Noelle.

Who knows, maybe they're due for some luck….


	130. Chapter 130

+++++ 15th Angel + 1: Friday (120)

Walking into his home, the lively sounds of love and happiness bouncing off of every wall, was itself a form of therapy for Shinji. Conversations didn't stop for him, though everyone made certain to greet him with a smile, a wave, or some other small symbolic gesture. He was home, it was wonderful, but life continued in his absence. He was not aware of how his wife had called ahead, prompted by Kyoko before they'd left NERV, while he was in a different vehicle, and asked everyone to specifically act casual about everything, wanting to maintain an even keel for the evening and reinforce the household's self-sustainability. He was, however, the beneficiary.

The slight deviation from her wife's plan made by Hikari, however, fit neatly into the 'make everything better' category by urging Shinji over to where Sakura and Suzuka were working on calligraphy using her new name as the subject, "Hey," she made herself visible to the little lady, "Shinji's here. Are you in a place where you can take a break and share everything?"

"I believe we are," Suzuka helped her student complete the stroke before lifting the brush and setting it aside. Very clearly including Shinji in the conversation without looking at him, she urged Sakura onward, "I promise, child, I will continue the lessons later. For now, let's brighten his day with your good news."

Not needing telepathic clues to know that he needed to give his full attention to one of two young girls that he would end reality for, he crouched down so that he didn't loom and let his fatigue show through, "She's right. I can use some good news after today. Something happen at school?"

Timid, despite being comfortable in his presence, the second youngest household member licked her lips, and then bowed slowly to avoid toppling over, "Pleased to meet you. My name is…is Xú Yīnghuā," working her mouth around the still unfamiliar words, she smiled briefly at how she'd managed to get the tones correct.

"I see," Shinji intoned gravely. "That is a very beautiful name you have, Yinghua-chan. Though, and correct me if I'm wrong," he sensed Yang's approach, and understood how she'd like to be included in the moment, "it _sounds_ like you might be related to a certain lady that I love dearly. Do I now have _two_ sets of sisters in my house?"

Sakura's smile grew back, bigger than before, as she nodded, "Y-you like it?"

Offering his hands, he shared his warm smile as she took them, "I have to admit, I thought it would be hard to have a prettier name in Mandarin than Yang-chan's. But I guess she'll have to get over having the second prettiest Mandarin name in the house."

"I believe I can adapt to that not-at-all painful truth," the leggy waitress shrugged, accepting the statement as accurate. "My baby sister definitely has the superior name. Have you seen the characters? She's been doing a good job practicing them with her teacher here."

Excitement overcoming trepidation, the latest person in the house to have multiple names pulled on the individual with the greatest number of them, "Come see! I've been practicing all day!"

Letting himself be guided over, Shinji fought back a sudden urge to cry joyful tears at the eager display of trust and enthusiasm, his emotions still roiling wildly after his time in Idunn's mind. Carefully drying on the table, several sheets of thick parchment bore the costs of learning upon them, a steady progress being made, the latest still half unfinished, "Wow…. You really are giving your teacher your full focus. I can see where you've corrected your grip on the brush," he tapped one of the sheets where the change was most noticeable. "Very impressive, Yīnghuā -chan. Would you mind if we hung the first one, and the best one, where everyone can see it?"

"I think that's a great idea," Hikari encouraged the little lady. "We should never be afraid of our failures, because they put us on the path towards our eventual success. Showing everyone that comes to visit how you worked hard to learn a new skill will help us build a positive environment."

"I…uhm…." The desire to ask for something, and the trained reflex to not ask for anything, warred with one another on Sakura's face.

Yang, demonstrating her own capacity as a mentor, stepped into the void and made motions to reassure her younger sister, "Remember, 小妹, if you don't ask for something we'll never have the chance to give it to you or explain why we can't right now. The worst we'll ever say is 'No', and that's not a word to be afraid of."

"I'd…I'd like to also…I want to hang…." Working her hand in his, squeezing and releasing as she fought to soothe herself, she looked up into his eyes and beckoned him down.

Dutifully crouching, so that he didn't make her feel as if she was cornered, Shinji tilted his head to the side and gently murmured, "I'm listening. What can I do?"

She cupped her hand to block anyone else from hearing, and a ghost whispering on the moon would have been louder, "I want to write your name too. I want a paper with your name, and my name, on the wall instead."

His heart wanted to break for how hard it was for her to ask for the sweetest thing he'd heard in far too long. Keeping his voice low, he nodded in agreement, "I would love to hang that on the wall. Once you're satisfied that you have it done properly, I will buy a frame for it and we'll have Hikari help you find the right spot for it, ok?"

"…Promise?" Her gaze told him that this was more important than Angels. More important than Judges. More important than Creation itself. All she wanted, of everything he would offer her, was proof that she existed in his world.

He nodded with the solemn gravity the request deserved, "You have my word. I'll even buy whatever color frame you want."

Looking at the three women standing nearby, all of whom found other 'interesting' things to observe while the 'private moment' was taking place, she darted in and kissed his cheek, "Red. Bright, shiny, red." Struggling with her chair, she climbed on her own up onto the seat and declared, "I am ready to practice again, sensei. I am sorry for the distraction, thank you for your patience."

Suzuka cast Shinji a playful look, "At least _one_ of my students takes my time seriously." Making a shooing motion where Sakura would not see it, she put her focus back on the lessons, "Remember the proper grip, now. We have our goal, and that means we must practice every step diligently."

Sucking in a calming breath, Shinji stood back up and moved away to share his thoughts, _She wants a frame with a red border. Do I take her out and shop for one? That's a lot of walking, even with the threat of Tabris' clones gone. I'd need to bring you, Light, because the décor in the house is still your purview as far as I know._

 _I'll handle it,_ she assured him. Once they were far enough from the lesson that they wouldn't be overheard, she switched to speaking aloud, "The personal shoppers we use enjoy the challenge, and it's become almost expected that we don't go out for 'little things'," she made air quotes with a disdainful eye roll. "As if a pair of frames for my baby sister is little."

"Red, huh?" Yang pursed her lips as she thought, "What did she ask for? Can you share without breaking confidence?"

"Considering I'd assume she'll need Suzuka's help, I doubt it's a secret. She probably was just embarrassed to ask for anything at all, and it was easier to ask one of us than all of us." Sighing, he tugged on his hair, "I remember that feeling all too well." Shaking off the past, he smiled with the still-burning memory of Sakura's intent, "She wants to have the second frame have one with her name, and my name."

Both young women before him had a momentary pulse of concern, quickly covered over after a glance at one another. Ultimately it was Hikari that spoke first, "I'll make sure that the frame is appropriate, then. Something so…significant, shouldn't be in just any old red frame." Touching her friend, and hopeful future lover, on the arm she excused herself, "I'd like to watch the practice for a bit. You said you wanted to have a chat with him alone, right?"

"Thanks," Yang held her up to give her a surprise exploratory kiss of farewell. "Make sure she pays attention. Can't have our little sister getting into things and not…doing what's best." As she flicked her eyes towards Shinji and back to Hikari, she received a subtle nod of agreement. Things would be looked into, in ways that didn't put anyone on the spot and create further conflict where none was needed. Moving to Shinji's arm, she drew him into the kitchen, "C'mon you. We've got people to feed and I haven't spent enough time cooking lately."

"Dinner _is_ a little late," he wasn't unaware of the concern two of the women he loved had just displayed, but was leery of pushing on any subject where he hadn't been explicitly invited to speak. "What do you think? We could make a good salad for everyone faster, with two sets of hands."

"Sounds great," sharing her eager grin, she tossed him his apron and pulled on her own. "You get out the ingredients, and I'll get the hardware." Once they were garbed appropriately and in motion, she kept the conversation moving, "You didn't miss much, unless you count Tsuru's giggling all day. Seems like her boy-fiancé gave her a gift last night, and again this morning. Had her a bit out of it during class."

His first reaction was to be worried that she was upset, which was quickly clubbed over the head by the few portions of his logical mind that were slowly healing everything. The tone of voice she had used couldn't have been upset, even that 'false happy' would have been far different than the absolute amusement she exuded, "I hear he's kind of an asshole. Maybe I should have a word with him as the sub-rep. I can't allow one of our best students to fail because her boy-fiancé distracts her with 'this and that'."

Pleased that he was playing along, she tapped the knife she was working with against the cutting board, "Let me try first. Never want to go all 'official', especially since he's not _actually_ that bad. From what I hear, Tsuru's been hanging off him hoping that he'd make the first move. If she's made progress, I don't want to risk the friendship by appearing to sabotage her. Hmm," she faux-thought, "maybe I can ask him to meet me somewhere while she's busy. I mean…you trust _your_ girl-fiancée, right?"

"With my life," he responded without hesitation. Even if they were truly speaking of another man, he wouldn't have responded any differently. Either she was with him, or she wasn't. He wouldn't set restrictions and rules about who she could and could not speak to unless it was a matter of life and death. "I've never seen you make terrible decisions, and I trust you completely."

Bumping him with her hip she smirked happily, "Correct answer." Adding part of what she'd done to the large mixing bowls, she eyed him surreptitiously, in an effort to gauge what she knew was a very emotionally unsteady situation, "How did it go?"

Choosing the same answer he'd given before, he shrugged, "We made progress. Not as much as I'd like, but I've been informed that any more time in her mind and I was taking risks I shouldn't. I wanted to. I _want_ to. But Ireul and Leliel are right…I need to figure out how I feel about Idunn-san, and I need to talk to my family about how they feel."

"Well, the -san kind of speaks for you, to an extent," there was surprise in her tone. "Was that respect, or distance?"

"…Both." His actions slowed to a halt, "Yang…I need brutal honesty. Unflinching, unfiltered, truth." Securing everything, he turned to face one of the few women he trusted would give it to him, "How would you feel if I had made love to her in her mind? If, in order to continue speaking to her about pulling her out, to play the role that she'd cast me in, in her dream, she and I had sex."

"Angry," it was her turn to respond without hesitation. "But not for the reason you think," she raised her hand. "You don't want to. Well, you do. But that's because she's attractive. But you, like I, aren't interested in just jumping into bed with someone because we're attracted. I would be angry because you did something you really didn't want to, while you weren't sure how you felt. You would forever know what you'd done, even if she didn't remember it. It would be a weight on your conscience."

He tried to bring up the point he'd been concerned over, "But…the rules-"

"Are silly," she cut him off. "We both know that Creation is going to be throwing people at you. If what we've been told is true, you still have several women yet to find. If you find one of them and through circumstances I would state were impossible when speaking of anyone _but_ you, you have to sleep with her? Which is going to be more destructive? You abiding by the rules and a good woman dying? Or you breaking the rules and bringing a woman I could love home with you? Absolutism, Shinji, is stupid. We need guidelines and good judgement, not strict rules and punishments."

Confusion grew on him, "But you just said you'd be angry…."

"Yes. Because you didn't want to. If you want to, and it's necessary, then do so. If you don't, or it's not, then don't." She turned the question on him, "Is it necessary? Or do you just want to get her out faster. _Can_ you take your time, and not compromise how _you_ feel about this? Because I can't honestly say I've spent any significant time speaking to this woman, I don't know her from any other lady off the street."

 _Her role remains unfilled,_ Arael chimed in, perched on the central island. _The Diplomat provides valuable advice, Wanderer. Patience, and prudence. Creation does not destroy those things it need not. You blame it, wrongly, for much that it had no hand in._

Shinji frowned at the interruption, "Arael, Yang asked for time with me alone. You shouldn't interrupt."

"It's fine," Yang patted his chest. "Is what you said accurate, Arael? Were we not in any danger, if we didn't join our souls to his?"

 _That is not what I said,_ the White Raven clacked her beak. _Creation does not destroy things it need not. If Creation needs to destroy a Lilin to clear room for another, it will. If the Lilin does not occupy the space Creation requires, there is no threat. You, Diplomat, are essential. The Priestess, less so. Any may head his church. Her proximity and presence were preference, nothing more._

"And how do you know this?" Her natural desire to doubt as a skeptic should, to question everything, shone through, "Are you speaking with Creation?"

 _Few are able to, even fewer are given opportunity. I have observed, for longer than you would comprehend, and taken note of how it operates. My statements are made from analysis of those observations, over endless years. Creation's actions are logical, orderly, and rational. They follow rules, strictures. Are consistent. No law but Creation's own guides those acts, however Creation is unwavering in following that self-imposed constraint._

"She's…very old," Shinji cautiously phrased. "We don't have a simple word for the number of Earth-based years she's lived, I'd need to use complex notation to simplify it enough that writing it down would be possible. I understand that age doesn't imply truthfulness, but so far I haven't heard her state one lie."

"Irritating," Yang bunched her lips off to one side. "So I was necessary?"

 _Was, and are. The only other being that might have taken your place, that I believe meets the criteria, is already joined to another by Lilin custom. Once was difficult enough, breaking a second union might have done more harm to The Wanderer than what benefit her presence would provide._ Fluffing her feathers, she preened slightly, _Though, again, he is very adaptable._

The phrasing gave him pause, "I…I really did break Suzuka's marriage up?"

Her eyes focused on him intently, _I did not say that. You take implication from speech too freely, it is a bad habit that you ought to free yourself from._

Yang asked an obvious question, "Is Idunn Haraldson necessary?"

 _No,_ the simple unadorned truth was placed out in the open easily. _No more so than The Priestess, The General, or The Healer. Many could fill her role, many would be better choices, depending on the manner in which the others would respond to her presence in the household. She was, I understand, antagonistic to the concept of sharing a single man amongst many. Should her personality remain unaltered by her time in her own mind, that would spell trouble for this assembly._

"…Who…who _was_ 'necessary'?" The worry that he'd erred irrevocably crawled along his mind like millions of tiny spiders made of frozen glass.

 _The Princess, The Advisor, The Weapon, The Mage, The Diplomat, The Assassin._ Arael's head turned slightly towards the food, _Your dinner warms. You should cease worrying over that which you could not have foreseen and focus more on what you must do to overcome your final two challenges. Necessary is not the only qualification you should seek out, and it is damaging to The Diplomat's morale that you should think in such terms._

Yang tried to step in and redirect, "I'm not-"

 _You are not helping him mature. His fixation on 'necessary' or 'appropriate', instead of on 'worthy' and 'balanced' has led to a situation where he considers a lesser qualified candidate for a position based purely on her inability to control her own desires. Had this Lilin accepted her attraction to The Wanderer and discarded it, instead of fixating on it and fleeing from it, she would have been discarded by Creation without rancor. She did not force herself upon him, she did not insist on presenting her sexual attributes, Creation would have simply found another more inclined towards him._ Stamping her foot twice to emphasize her point, the White Raven fluffed her wings, _You must gain focus, or all of reality will suffer for your capricious madness._

Anxiety became anger, and Shinji growled out, "Then explain Noelle."

Arael showed no fear in the face of his displeasure, _Tabris likely felt her presence would present complications to his plans. Convincing the Lilin to start the fire that claimed your allies lives, as well as her own, would not have been overly taxing for him. Hiding the danger as a 'gift'. Two potential Goddesses removed with a single stroke, and his touch unnoticed by one so focused on possibility that she ignored probability. Lead after lead snipped clean, disguised as attacks on others while the true targets were removed. You play at war against a master of manipulation, and you tie your hands behind your back for fear of enjoying the act of reproduction._

"Goddesses?" Yang frowned at the term.

Shinji's attention was caught on the number, "Two?"

 _You may not have favored her terribly, but you spent more than enough time fixating on her life situation that Creation would have viewed the Lilin whose husband had perished as a candidate. Any unattached female, and if necessary the specification of attachment can be considered negotiable, can become tied to you for all time, so long as they can fulfill a role left unoccupied by your hesitation. How you demonstrate your favor, and how you fill those roles yet unclaimed, will be the only possibility of controlling who is forced and who is willing._ Turning her eyes towards Yang, she coughed out a laugh, _You are blind if you do not already feel the difference. I am not here to advise you, Diplomat. Look to yourself for the answers, and focus on your task._ With that, she disappeared back into Shinji's soul.

Staring at the spot she'd occupied, Shinji worked to put into place the information he'd just gained. Only six, out of thirteen women, had needed to suffer. But leaving the 'roles' untended would cause someone, somewhere, to suffer eventually. "Tabris…killed Noelle. He killed Christie, and Kaz, and Green. He killed Rei." His blood began to boil, _Lilith._

Not bothering with walking from the front room, where she'd been speaking to Pen-Pen about how he could befriend Gaghiel, the Matron of Night simply materialized nearby, "Lover…why are you angry?"

"Where is he?" The person in question was fairly obvious, from any perspective you chose to view the question.

"Killing him out of order is going to force Creation's hand," shaking her head purposefully she kept the information to herself. "That's why I'm here, and not your wife. Or Eve. We've already gone over this, Armisael must come first or everything might suffer for it. What got you wound up?"

"Tabris killed Noelle," Yang spoke when Shinji clamped his eyes shut in irritation. "Arael just explained what she feels is the most likely scenario, though the amount of evidence besides her word seems to be slim to none. Assuming we trust her, and it seems he does, that means that my boy-fiancé wants blood."

"If, and that is a large 'if', you can cooperate with me…we can try to bring her back." Lily reached out, laying her fingers lightly on his chest, "But this isn't the kind of emotional state you need to be in to even start that process. If you try to dive into my soul like this, we _will_ end up joined. You don't want that, yet, and I don't want to feel like I tricked you into choosing me." When his eyes slowly opened, she smiled in understanding at the pain they held, "I think, instead, you should take your lady here up on her request." Tilting her head slowly towards Yang, she kept pushing positivity towards him, hoping that he would remember her continual promotion of what the other women wished for, "I overheard that she had a request for the evening, and it seems that Arael might have stomped on what she was trying for. Tonight is not the night we fix past wrongs, Lover. Why not instead, build future rights?"

Yang smiled uncomfortably, "I…wasn't going to bring that up anymore. It's clearly not a good day for him, and that changes things."

His anger deflated at how Yang's song felt the tinge of sorrow, "I didn't…let's finish dinner." Keeping his thoughts tightly controlled as he went back to preparing their evening meal, he asked Lilith something that he believed might help, _Can you put a dampener on my emotions? Not…fully, but enough that I'm not casting about like a tired child at everything?_

 _Can I? Yes. Will I? …No._ Stepping to the door out of the kitchen, the Second Angel followed that declaration up with something that hurt her deeply, _This…is necessary. You have to learn how to control yourself, my dearest, dearest Shinji. If you don't, if you can't…everything we've done won't matter._

Disappointment, followed by irritation at being disappointed that he was being told to face up to the consequences of his decisions, settled on his shoulders. Once he was alone again, or as alone as he could ever be with any one person, he quietly apologized, "I'm sorry, Yang. I guess I won't be able to do what it was you wanted."

"Don't worry, life happens." There was regret in her song, but not overwhelming sorrow. She was being honest with him, and retained the strength of character and self-control that drew him to her in the first place, "We can find another school night to be bad."

The fact that there wasn't a hint of joking in her statement prodded curiosity, "We were going to be bad?"

Biting on her lip for a moment while she thought through the potential outcomes of sharing her thoughts with him, Yang eventually shrugged and leaned closer to whisper, "I wanted to sneak into the school, and…discuss a few things." Rolling her eyes up to look at him, she giggled, "Just you and me."

"Discuss, or _discuss_ ," he remembered more than one previous conversation on the topic.

"That depended on our initial consensus," she lifted her chin proudly, standing back up straight. "Before we _discuss_ anything, there are several things we need to make clear with one another. Expectations, both for ourselves and each other, and what we want both from and for ourselves and each other. One is negotiable, the other is what will become sticking points if we don't address it."

With Tabris stuck in one place, and the clones supposedly dispatched, the security concerns were alleviated. After her earlier statements, how she'd once again demonstrated that she would always be brutally honest, he saw the benefits of a private talk away from others. A simple admonition to his Aspects that he wanted time alone, and an explanation to the women of his household that he intended to offer similar time to them as well…. "Let's do it." A grin grew on his face, "More communication will be the answer to our problems…not less."

+++++ 15th Angel + 1: Friday (120)

"Opposition to similar life is not at all abnormal," Eve stated confidently. "In fact, the more similar the form of life, the more likely the differences will be magnified by that life. 'Different' is usually cued into before 'similar', it's a psychological coping mechanism." Her son hadn't moved from where he lay, staring up at the ceiling with a bored expression on what she was determined to make the first of many non-exciting days. "You are no more immune to it than anyone else, and I take no offense at what you have done to maintain your people's lives. Had one of my children landed upon your planet, they would have attempted to purge it of life in their pursuit of _his_ aims."

Rose, wishing that she was home with her lovers, or spending time with her crew, hadn't intended to stumble on a philosophical discussion regarding her past, and yet here they were, "My people are descended from Adam, and you I suppose. I can understand why your children would terraform Lilin-held planets, but why were they found disturbing Adamite-held worlds? Your children used to number in the dozens, at least, before we had to defend ourselves. It just seems…counterintuitive."

"Because you are failures," Tabris groaned. "These 'Judges' are simply my malformed siblings, devoid of purpose, meaning, or use." Rolling up into a seated position, his legs crossed, he glared at his mother, "Once _someone_ decided to 'take a vacation', father dearest attempted to produce more offspring on his own. He forgot, because he's an idiot, that there was a reason the Ancestors created Lilith and the Whore. Everyone that has followed from those misbegotten attempts at parthenogenic life is simply compounding his initial error and polluting everything."

While the last thing she wanted to do was get involved in a conversation with someone eager to manipulate her, she couldn't let the point go by without attempting to gather more information, "You took a vacation?"

Eve shrugged, "From what you've told me, you had not borne children before you joined your species' defense forces. Believe me when I say that you will understand why I 'took a vacation' after you've had some yourself. Though," her smile was hopeful, "I doubt that Shinji will ever be as useless as _he_ was. Your dear husband has a wonderful touch with the little ones, and never once did I see him become frustrated and distant."

The point made sense, she'd heard from those members of her crew that had reproduced similar stories, "Where did you go?"

"She engaged in a war of extermination, eliminating any traces of Lilith's offspring throughout entire galaxies," Tabris snorted derisively. "You're having a casual conversation with someone who has murdered five nonillion, thirty-six octillion, three hundred forty-eight septillion, nine hundred forty-one sextillion, five hundred sixty-three quintillion, two hundred seventy-nine quadrillion, five hundred thirty-five trillion, eight hundred sixteen billion, three hundred forty-two million, six hundred thirty-two thousand, four hundred and ten of 'dear Shinji's' relatives. You may want to tell him that before he lets The Whore into his bed, who knows what she's caught in that kind of a rampage."

Watching the change on Eve's face as he continued to speak, going from irritation to resignation, the pink-skinned captain raised her eyebrow. At the final taunt, she snorted, "I think you and I understand each other when I say that the less he has to think about how many sentient beings you and I have killed, the happier he'll be. He knows we're killers. He doesn't need it rubbed in his face." Stretching, she felt a touch of sympathy as Eve's face showed significant relief, "So, while I appreciate that you gain a great deal from Lilith carrying tales of your greatness, I get the feeling that you didn't do that purely out of spite."

"Purely? No," Adam's second wife admitted without shame. "She and I have…a rather lengthy history, and I haven't often managed to get the better of her. She's stronger, older, and has had freedom for longer. I don't think it's too much to ask that I be allowed to feel some satisfaction at managing something that she could not." Glaring at her son, she added, "Something that would not have been necessary had my son been willing to speak like the civilized man I raised him to be."

"It is not uncivilized to call a spade a spade," he sallied. Spreading his hands helplessly, he shared an amused smirk, "You are worshipping at the feet of a false god." As he spoke he followed her approach, "Assisting the rise of one who will bring ruination to us all." Glaring daggers, he continued despite her hand raising, "Sitting astride the many-headed beast and wearing-"

The contact should not have felt as satisfying as it did. As her backhand turned his head sideways, dizzying and silencing him with a meaty 'thwack', she stuck her foot onto his stomach and shoved him down onto his spine, "I am familiar with the passages, thank you, my child." There was little in the way of mercy on her face as she dug her heel further into his gut, "If that is my role then I shall play it with both style and panache. However, the next words _you_ choose to utter will either be an apology to his wife, or the cause of your tongue separating from your throat. Do choose wisely."

Rose was neither eager nor quick to urge Eve to stand down, slowly moving to pat the other woman on the arm, "My education may have had a few blank spots. What 'passages' are you referring to?"

"Nothing worth repeating. Ancient prophecies from beings that died believing them while I was no older than his Light." Sharing a quick smile, she dismissed the topic with a shake of her head, "Unfortunately, variations of them have been spread throughout the galaxy by blind zealots determined to bring them about. Your 'Scions', as an example, are such an organization." Finding her child unwilling to speak at all, she daintily lifted her foot, then stomped on his face before turning and walking away, "He's trying to get under my skin. Pay it no mind."

+++++ 15th Angel + 1: Friday (120)

"We need to tell Kiyomi, at least," Shinji followed Yang out of the house, closing the door behind them. "She can pass it along to whomever she needs, but if I don't tell her that I'm taking one of the people she's sworn to protect out of the area she's securing, I deserve the public scorn that will follow."

The leggy waitress snorted a sigh, "Kind of defeats the whole purpose of 'sneaking out' to tell someone we're sneaking."

"She'll let me go without escort, because I'm there protecting you." Wrapping Bardiel's invisibility around them both, he picked her up and set her on his shoulder, _If you try to sneak out without someone to keep you safe, Alpha Company will be the least of your concerns._

Feeling as if she were Empress of the World, Yang lightly ran her fingers through his hair, _Don't worry. The entire reason I was put in your house was to help you keep things steady. Ma didn't trust that Suzuka would be able to keep tabs on you and everyone else. My place is in the Manor, or where you want me to be._

Moving through the encampment, he followed the increasingly familiar song of the Major, _I'm…glad that I have you in my life, Yang. I'm just sorry that the way it came about has stolen your freedom to choose. Whether you would have chosen me anyway or not is immaterial._

"…not your concern," Kiyomi's voice was plainly audible as they reached her tent. "His Grace is more likely to eliminate world hunger than he is to attack anyone who didn't attack him first. Battle planning to fight him isn't a good use of your time. I catch word of you wasting time on this again and I will take it straight to Battalion."

An unfamiliar voice followed, "So what are you going to do when he turns hostile? We had plans to invade the United States in the Nineties, they'd been our ally for decades! Those plans turned out pretty useful when Second Impact happened, what's wrong with being ready to handle an aggressive alien life?"

"Ok, one," Sachiko's voice chimed in, "he's not 'alien'. His father, while an asshole, is still human. His mother, also human. Human plus human still makes human. He was changed by contact with Project E. Two, he's about as aggressive as a two day old kitten unless you purposely piss him off by attacking someone he's protecting. Should you, for whatever mindbogglingly idiotic reason, choose to attack Nozomi-chan or Sakura-chan, I'll shoot you myself before he gets going and the problem will be resolved. Three, and most important here, there is sweet soupy shit we could do to even slow him down _outside_ of the Eva. If he gets in Unit-01 we might as well work on our tan for all we'd manage. You don't plan a battle against an earthquake, and you aren't going to win a war against him."

The unidentified voice barked out a final, "Fine. But I want it noted that I was doing my job to prepare for all contingencies."

"It has been so noted, Captain. Thank you for your time." Kiyomi dismissing who Shinji quickly found was the Charlie Company Commanding Officer as she stormed out of Alpha Company's Commanding Officer's tent was done in the tone of voice that attempted to be friendly to a person who would likely never have responded in kind. Setting down Yang, Shinji waited a few second before knocking on the tent's wooden frame for the door. As she opened the flap, Kiyomi blinked in surprise, "Oh, Your Grace, Xu-san, good evening." Raising one eyebrow, she took a calculated guess, "Heard that, did you?"

"I'm sorry. I came here to tell you that Yang and I are going for a walk outside. She needs to speak to me without everyone else around, and…well, I didn't want to leave with her without checking in. To be polite, if nothing else." Tilting his head towards the direction that the Captain had left to, he sighed, "Not…a fan, I guess?"

"It's nothing personal," Sachiko assured him fervently. "She's still tied into the kind of heavy doctrinaire thinking that the school she just went to demands. Give us time, we'll bring her around. If not, I promise we'll make noise about it." Standing nearby her fellow commander, in her clothes for PT, she looked very little like the fierce leader of soldiers she was, and much more like the moderately playful woman who enjoyed kids shows and entertaining his little sisters, "We'd really like to give her a chance to see things for herself. I'm sure Major Honda remembers being very similar at one point in her career. New captains tend to have some polishing left to do in the field."

Yang patted his back, "Everyone's got to learn sometime, and she might be really good at the job. I doubt Shinji wants her gone _right now_ , he's just concerned that he might have done something to upset her. You know how he is."

"Frustrating, but a good man to have at your back?" Kiyomi nodded, waving them on, "Thank you for checking in, sir. I'll pass on to the watch that you have eyes on Miss Xu, and that you'll check in with the gate guard when you return, _right_?"

It was not too much to ask, and he felt joy at the fact that she showed no fear in being firm with him still. She was a good woman in his mind, and took the serious duty she was charged with and performed it flawlessly. Bowing with a hint of playful mocking, he formally intoned, "As you say."

"Please keep an eye on him, Miss Xu," Sachiko waved farewell. "He is cunning and sly, and bears considerable watching."

As she was lifted back into her place on his shoulder, she giggled, "I'll keep two on him, ma'am. Bye!"

Taking his cue to make them disappear, he moved to leave, _They're good people._ As Kiyomi closed the flap to her tent, the light dimmed back down to that provided by the perimeter posts, _I hope that the new Captain does well, though. I'm worried that this area is going to get a reputation for being a bad place to be stationed._

 _She will, or she won't. I doubt people will draw conclusions on the failures, because those who've stayed and succeeded are likely passing along stories of how their success has been rewarded. Personal promotions by you, gratitude from Yinghua and Nozomi, words of praise, and food provided by the Blue Crane from time to time? Believe me, word will get around of how this is not 'bad', just 'hard'. Besides,_ she thrilled in the way the air moved through her hair as Shinji jogged towards the school, _people will feel happier that you have high standards. They expect that of those they look up to._

 _People…shouldn't look to me for how to live,_ he hated disagreeing with his family. He understood how they all believed he was doing the right thing, how they expected it of him, but the last thing he wanted was to promote a global renaissance of one man and dozens of women living together. It was a situation rife with potential abuses, and the only reason it worked for him was the women in the Manor were all…. _I can't even begin to describe how special all of you are. Not just to me, but in specific. You, all of you, have taken a terrible situation and acted with grace, dignity, and patience. You've all tried to improve not only yourselves, but each other. What we have isn't working because of me, it's because of all of you. Normal women would have either run away screaming or turned on each other in jealousy._

With the school in sight, and the long-range patrols still wandering where they would see anyone attempting to approach and set traps that would harm Shinji or other students, Yang took the compliment in the spirit with which he intended it but disagreed, _It's both of us. If you were any other guy, we wouldn't be interested. If we were any other women, we wouldn't have gelled so strongly. Even Kyoko isn't a bad addition; I know that I appreciate not only her candor but her desire for you to stop harming yourself by making silly decisions. Am I jealous of others in the house? Of course I am. I_ know _you've seen Kodama's tits, those things are huge! You may like mine, but I don't. But what I think you understand in a way is that I'm not going to make a big deal out of my own weaknesses…but what you don't understand is why._ As he carefully set her on her feet in front of the main entrance to the school, she smiled up at him, _Because you don't look at me and see 'small breasts, Chinese, goofy smile'. You look at me and you…you smile in a way that even from the beginning I knew meant you saw more._

Slowly walking to their classroom, holding her hand, he nodded, _I saw someone I wanted around forever. As a friend, at first. Then, when Hikari started pushing for including others, as possibly something else. But always…always as a friend first. I can rely on you, Yang. I can trust you to help me keep everyone from flying apart. I can leave part of my load to you, and know for certain that it will be done in a way I can take confidence in. Not the same way I'd do it, but not a 'wrong' way either._

The hallway felt different at night. Ominous, looming. The part of her that loved horror movies exulted in the sensation of finally doing something she'd always wanted to do, and having it work out so perfectly was the icing on the cake. _We're partners. We see the world hurting, and we want to make it smile instead. We see people starving, and we want them to have full bellies. We can take on burdens others can't, and we'll do it for those that will turn around and pay it forward._ Bowing dramatically as he opened the door for her, she kept the mood light, _Why thank you,_ Your Grace _. Opening the door for Your humble servant._

Her playful banter brought out similar from him, _Well, you are rather small, and this door is so large. It wouldn't do to have Our most trusted Diplomat strain her tiny, tiny, muscles._

Laughing out loud, and then clapping her hands over her mouth with wide eyes, she squeaked out, _Oops._

Shinji realized that Yang was unaware that Bardiel could stop both light and sound. He had switched to mental communication so he didn't have to yell over the wind as they moved towards their destination, and she didn't risk biting her tongue while riding on his shoulder. Part of him wanted to clear up the misunderstanding, the playful part of him ran with it. Turning around he looked down both directions in the hallway as if searching for someone that might have heard, _I think…we're ok._ Sliding the door shut, he forced himself to relax, _What are we 'looking for', here? In case someone shows up?_

 _Right, have to have our story straight. I'm looking for my class notes, and you were being who you are and not disrupting someone else's evening to fix my mistake._ Moving quickly to the lectern, she hopped up and sat on it facing him, _Simple. Easy to remember._

 _Works for me._ Moving to Tsuru's desk, which was centrally located, he stood before it and placed his hands in his pockets, _So…expectations or wants?_

 _Expectations first. Wants may become rather irrelevant if we can't come to an understanding on what it is that we require from one another._ Crossing her legs at the knee, she bounced her foot in an odd combination of seduction and youthful energy, _Are we, at some point, going to be married?_

His head tilted slightly in confusion, _The only reason I haven't offered is because I was certain you wanted to wait. I want to give you a day of your own, ceremony, family, something you can remember fondly for the rest of our lives together._ He couldn't keep his eyes up as he spoke his thoughts, _Something to…to remember me by if…._

 _Stop._ The order was firm and direct, _I don't know how many times I have to say this, but you do not have my permission to die. If there is one thing I have ever wanted, more than even to make my Family proud, it is to only be married once. I do_ not _want to have to be an eternal widow._

 _The enemy gets a vote too, whether we like it or not._ He didn't want to die, but he wouldn't shy away from the fights to come. Too many people would suffer for his failure, _I'm immortal, not invincible. Spirits know I'm very, very vincible._

She crossed her arms in irritation, _If you go into a battle expecting to lose, you're going to lose. Stop thinking like a man, Shinji. You're not. You're so much more than that._

 _I know,_ the comment grated on him. _I'm…neither human nor Angel. I'm not Lilin or Adamite. I'm some bastardized hybrid of-_

 _I mean you're an icon. A symbol._ Leaning forward she rested her hands on the podium by her hips and scowled, _People around the city have been living their lives trying to be the kind of people that you want them to be. They've been spending their money wisely, eating healthier, exercising, engaging in acts of kindness large and small. You need to take that into every fight you enter. You need to act like dying, like_ losing _, is unthinkable. There must always be a way, even if that means retreating so you can regroup. But if you think that you dying is the only way to solve a problem, then you're being an idiot._

He returned her scowl with a frown of his own, _I can't allow others to suffer, Yang. That's not who I am._

 _Then don't lose. Because with you gone, believe me. The suffering everyone will endure will be legendary._ Her eyes held his firmly, _Nobody else can carry what you can. Not the suffering. Not the tragedies. …Not the hope. You are more than a human, you have been since the first day I met you. You've fought Angels in bloody battles. You've pulled people trapped between worlds back from death. You've dived through flames to save children. You've refrained from showing off your strength in school. Every single thing you've done, even those things you've 'failed' at, has inspired everyone who's seen you do it to try harder. The letters from around the world prove my point. People look to you, and they see hope. They look to what they see, and no, they do not see who you are inside, but they look at you and they want to be better. Our lives will be measured by what pain we spare others from, not by the pain we ourselves survive. We,_ she waved between them, _don't matter._ Flinging her hand out towards the city, she shrugged, _They do. But they can only matter so long as we're here to show them the right path. Because without a star to guide themselves by, they're going to end up wandering, lost, and back to bickering amongst themselves as the world burns. Who else but you, Shinji? Can you think of anyone on Earth you can trust more to not lead them to ruin?_

The echo of Hikari's letter to him on the train, how he was the one star she had to guide herself by, struck him hard. _Am I…am I really capable of being…._ He was willing to fight for them. To urge them to talk to one another. But was he willing to stand before all of mankind and point them in a unified direction? He'd intended to urge them towards refocusing on space flight, without truly thinking through the work that would entail. He couldn't trust them to do it on their own, old rivalries would scuttle everything in short order. _I…I can't just be Shinji, I've known that. But,_ he shook his head, _I don't know how to be anything else._

 _That's where the Shirakami come in,_ the excitement in her voice flowed from the fact that she knew he was actually absorbing her words. _We've been guiding people to the right path for a very, very long time. Each of us knows from birth the costs of walking down bad paths. Why do you think we're here?_ Biting her lip to stop herself from laughing, she shrugged, _I wanted to have my first time in our classroom. To be naughty, and mark a place of learning with something selfish and indecent._

He couldn't stop the blush, remembering more than one life where they'd done something similar, _As…as your sub-rep, I really shouldn't let you do this._

 _Who said anything about 'letting me'?_ Her voice stopped being playful or friendly, _If you promise me that you'll give me an engagement ring as soon as we can get time to shop for one, you're going to_ help _me._

Watching as her legs slowly uncrossed, as she leaned back with a sultry grin, he felt the familiar increase in his pulse, _An…an Icon shouldn't do this._

 _Who said anyone's going to find out? This is our little secret, big guy._ Wrinkling her nose, she winked, _I'm not asking you to be perfect all day, every day. I'm just asking you to embrace your role as the man herding the intemperate masses towards a better future for themselves and each other. While occasionally pounding me in inappropriate places, because I am a_ very _naughty girl. Who wants to feel like a very naughty woman._

+++++ 15th Angel + 1: Friday (120)

"Ok, so there are two ways we can do this," Kodama stood in front of the ladies back at the Manor next to Kelly. With the little ones asleep and Shinji out of the house, they wanted to discuss the trial period of scheduled dates with everyone. "Draw lots, or I can use the MAGI and randomize things. Because the third option, where I schedule things out, might lead people to think that I'm putting them later out of preference instead of because that's where schedules synched up."

The redhead backed up her friend, "The random order will help us not start things out adversarially, but if you all think you can keep your darker impulses in check we're not opposed to engaging that third way."

"There's going to have to be some scheduling anyway," Misato asserted, leaning forward and cutting the air with her hand firmly. "If my 'lot' is third, but I don't have a free day for five days after the second to go, asking everyone to wait for me and him to be able to go out and do some shopping is idiotic. We should marry the first and third ideas, draw lots for a general order, but all understand that we're going to have to be flexible enough to not demand we stick to that order no matter what. We have obligations, and those will always trump our desires."

"I agree," Hikari held Tsuru's head in her lap, combing the young woman's hair. "That way Koko isn't taking the blame for someone's place in line, but we're also not entering into some sort of suicide pact with his time. Kelly is right that he'll need a free day from time to time where he just does what _he_ wants too. It's a…." Spying Nozomi standing in the hall scowling, she redirected everyone's attention, "Is something wrong, Nozomi-chan?"

"None of you belong here," crossing her arms, and speaking with a voice far older than her frame should contain, the youngest person in the house tapped her foot. "I understand that you wish you were still alive. That you wish you could spend more time with the four of us. But you have _got_ to move on, or you're just going to drive him to do something terrible. Why do you think he's not ever here? And I mean, _ever_ , here? He can't walk three meters without one of you looming like specters of a life he'll never be allowed to live! And you," she glared at Suzuka, "what have I told you about being here when he's not? _They_ are all _your_ fault. _He_ might forgive you, but _I_ never will. I'll tell him you stopped by, because I love him too much to lie, but you need to get out. Now."

The elegant swordswoman, far more agile of mind than many would give her credit for, played for time, "I am trying to help them understand what it is you say, Nozomi-san. It's-"

"You don't get to use my name," Nozomi interrupted with growing anger. "My best friend cries herself to sleep every night praying that he comes home. The man I love, the man who will never allow himself to love me in return, is killing himself slowly because _you_ failed to do the one thing you're good at. My family is dead…lingering on because of _you_." Gesturing to the door imperiously, she took another defiant step forward, "Now get out, and take the ghosts of the past with you."

"Nozomi-chan," Maya tried to keep the worry from her voice, "we…we don't know what happened. You can't expect us to rest easily if we don't know why we're resting." The pain that overtook the Little Lady of the manor's face was a visceral blow to her gut, though she fought on, "Help us understand? Please?"

"On my soul…he loved you so much, Maya-bear," a few tears leaked free. "When she crushed your throat…." Shaking her head, she couldn't keep eye contact with the older woman, "You, all of you, were killed by the pilot of-"

As fast as Kodama was, Misato was faster. When Nozomi collapsed, boneless as the vision fled her, the sub-commander of NERV Tokyo-3 vaulted the back of the couch as if she'd been performing gymnastics her whole life, and began to straighten out the second most precious living being she knew, "Careful, careful." Cautioning Kodama, she checked for bruising or growing warmth on joints and limbs, "I've woken up after a few too many and had ligament damage myself. Let's be cautious here. I got her, you check and make sure Yinghua-chan isn't sitting terrified in her room."

Lilith, who had remained where Suzuka could see her, caught the swordswoman's eye as the two other women hurried towards the children's bedroom, "She looked at me." Her gaze shifted to several other of the women present, "There is one other woman who lived, in her vision. If I'm not one of those who lived…whoever does the killing is more powerful than I am."

"Or I was too busy fighting to stop you to do what I needed to," the eternal warrior parried. "There is little to be gained from attempting to make sense of their visions, save that we must be cautious and maintain a healthy awareness of our surroundings. Focus too much on who this 'pilot' is, or on who was the fourth member to remain in this manor, and we set ourselves up to be blindsided by any of the thousands of visions she did not share."

"It might not hurt to be skeptical of pilots in general," Akane offered. "It's not like we know hundreds, and to be perfectly honest the few pilots we do know, who are also female, aren't jumping off the pages of 'Trustworthy Monthly'."

"If nobody has any problems with Misato's idea," Maya moved to head off further disagreement or disparagement, "we'll have Kelly and Kodama arrange for lots to be drawn and call it a night. We aren't going to do ourselves any favors by staying up late and dreaming up scenarios to fit what little we just found out. We'll keep an eye on Asuka," she raised her eyebrow at the agent, "because I know who you were referring to, and we'll all do better with a little more sleep."

"Yes, _mom_ ," Mikoto drawled out the last word, standing and stretching. "C'mon Aka-chan, you know she's right. You and I keep our eyes open all the time anyway, and being feverishly paranoid is no fun."

Moving slowly towards the workout area as the room cleared, Shinji's second wife watched the various groupings forming. Hikari, comforting a worried Tsuru. Nicolette joining the other two agents to likely discuss ways to maintain vigilance on any threats described by a dreaming youth. Ritsuko speaking to Kelly, describing something that involved a lot of small tearing motions. Lastly, Suzuka listening to something Lily was saying, clearly dubious but with growing interest. Trust was still building, despite the 'threat', and she needed to do what she could to help stamp out the flames before they grew too high.

Pulling out her phone as she descended the stairs, the diminutive scientist found a seat on one of the stationary bicycles and called Asuka's phone. It was a long shot that she'd answer, but if the effort wasn't made then nobody could blame the angry youth for hating all of them. A path had to be offered, a chance to move forward, for her sake as well as Shinji's. While she broadly agreed with Suzuka about not trusting the visions, leaving stones where they lie was never her style. Eventually the voicemail system picked up, and a standardized greeting played, leading to the expected 'beep', "Hey, Asuka. It's Maya. I wanted to let you know that I'll be stopping by tomorrow, to check on you. I…I'd like to talk for a while, make sure that you're ok. That we're ok. I understand that nothing went the way you'd hoped, and…believe me, I understand the fact that you had to walk away before you said or did anything you'd regret. Just please don't…don't push me away. I know I still have a ways to go to earn your respect, but I'd like to have the chance to earn it. Ok? I…. Good night, talk to you tomorrow." As she hung up, she heard the light whisper of a step behind her, "Someone has to. Of anyone, other than perhaps Shinji, I'm the most likely to stand a chance at getting through to her."

"You're also the physically weakest, and most likely to be harmed," Suzuka's voice carried her fears at the possibility. "I have not opened my heart again, wanting it to be crushed after only a few precious weeks."

"I won't reach her if I bring armed guards," turning to face the woman who she'd grown rather fond of. "I may not be a fighter, but I'm also not incapable of defending myself. I'm used to having to keep an eye on an exit, if things go wrong. It comes with not being as tall, strong, or capable as you or Shinji. I'll be careful, I promise."

"You'll ask Shinji to borrow one of his Aspects," she would not be dissuaded. "Shamshel-kun, while not intended for war, has shown an ability to promote peace. They should be more than sufficient to stay out of sight and protect you, should things turn for the worse."

Maya didn't like the idea, "I don't think that-"

"In return…." She held up her hand, asking for patience, "I will discuss with the Angels present what they might do to continue to earn my favor. Without rancor, or bias. Give," she offered her hand, "and take."

Eying the extended fingers, she hesitated only a moment before grasping them in her own, "I'll take Gaghiel-kun. He and I get along, and he's less likely to proactively engage without permission or threat." A gentle kiss, and a grateful smile, were her reward.

"Thank you. Now, let us go check on the little ones before we find my bed."


	131. Chapter 131

+++++ 15th Angel + 2: Saturday (121)

Shinji arrived home to a quiet house, kissing Yang goodnight before letting her get some sleep on her own. He could feel the house's energy, the hint of worry that pervaded it, and sought out the one person who wasn't either needing to sleep or already there. Floating in the pool, her long, impossibly black, hair drifting lazily in a fan around her head, he found a being crafted to be unattainable waiting for him, "What did I miss?" Shedding his own clothes, he descended into the pool to walk over slowly towards her, attempting to disturb her position in the pool as little as possible.

"Little Nozomi had a vision. It was not pleasant, and it worried everyone. To be honest," Lilith's skin thrilled at the feel of his hand on her stomach as he looked down into her eyes, "it worried me." Laying on a bed of warmth, the embrace of the water rolling along her skin, she gazed up into the face of love and ached inside, "I will do what I can to make certain it does not come to pass, Lover. If you wish, I will descend into your soul right now and swear it."

He shook his head slowly, "I know you will." His fingers trailed in small, intimate, circles across her perfect flesh, "A cynical view would show that if you failed to protect them you would know I'd blame you. A pragmatic view would show that you'd do it because it will benefit you by raising my esteem. An altruistic view would indicate that you're doing it because you've learned that your children deserve your protection even if it hurts you." He smiled sadly, "My view is…you'll do it because you said you would." Bending down, he kissed her softly. Holding it for far longer than a simple show of affection, he lingered long enough to allow it to hold a deeper meaning before separating, "I am sorry…for putting you in a situation where you had to tell me 'No' to save me from doing something irreversible. Keeping me away from Tabris is the right decision…for now."

"When you tear his accursed core from his chest," she whispered with eyes aglow, "I want you to remember how much you are loved. Please…promise me that you will hold onto their love, to…to _my_ love."

 _Huh,_ Kyoko's voice sounded from the lip of the pool, the doctor seated on the edge and staring up through the bombproof glass ceiling to the stars above, _I think I just realized something._

Far from startled, Shinji turned slightly to face the resident of his soul as he maintained his contact with Lily, "Kyoko, we really need to come up with a system to avoid you popping out during…personal moments. I appreciate your company, but I have to give time to others too."

 _She's not one of your women,_ the half-German shrugged, kicking her feet slowly in the water despite not touching it at all. _Technically, the way I understand the rules, you shouldn't be touching her so 'personally'. So really, I'm more of a chaperone right now. If anything, she's stopping me from receiving some affection, not the other way around._

Controlling her anger, an effort she found herself performing more and more often despite hating it intensely, Lilith submerged herself so that she broke contact with Shinji, then resurfaced some distance away, "And what is it you realized, my child? I'm sure you didn't come here simply to…remind him of the letter of the law."

 _Unit-01 is the only design based off of your being. The only Eva to undergo a fully successful contact experiment. The only frame seemingly capable of achieving more than one hundred percent synchronization._ Lowering her gaze to stare at the elder being, her voice hardened, _The only core built by Yui Ikari._

"He was the only pilot necessary," Lilith gestured towards Shinji. "Your, and I'm being honest when I use the word regrettable, demise was purely driven by SEELE and vanity. Unit-01 should have been the last Evangelion produced. Units -02 through -19 were wastes of both lives and resources. You should have been alive to help your daughter, child. I do not disagree with you."

The scientist pressed forward with her questioning, _Who told Yui how to build the core?_

Her hand clenched beneath the surface of the water, "It was necessary."

This time, it was Kyoko who pointed at Shinji, _It was his mother._

"It was the woman who gave birth to me." He wasn't surprised to hear that the Angel had a more direct hand in the construction of humanity's only hope at survival, "If we're being honest with one another, my 'mother' is controlling her temper better than she normally does." The old aches at being left alone only barely registered in his mind anymore, "She kept a fragment of me from drowning in sorrow and malice for a very long time, Kyoko. Kept that…that spark of hope alive, despite my life being a never-ending cavalcade of misery and shit. The woman who birthed me left me with a man that she had to have known wouldn't keep me around. Either she sacrificed herself in an attempt at gaining immortality, or she sacrificed herself in an attempt at giving us hope. Either way? She abandoned me at the mercy of monsters. If Lily handed Yui Ikari the plans that would lead to her death? Well…some sacrifices have to be made."

"I neither intended, nor desired, your death," Lily's heart hurt at hearing Shinji speak about his mother as if she was insignificant, but needed to impress upon the spirit that she wasn't antagonistic. "I could, if you preferred, take you into my Sea. You…would have whatever world you wanted. Whatever your soul truly desired."

 _It would be fake,_ the dead woman spat out.

"It would be as real as you made it," she disagreed. "Reality is nothing more than the perception we all agree to, and those beings in your reality would all agree that your perception was correct. It's the best gift I could give to you, to any of my children, with the short lives you have to live. I cannot grant immortality, not the way that _he_ can. It's why I changed Shinji as I did, why everyone he bonds will live forever. The Fruit of Life, and Knowledge, in one form. An eternity by his side, my child, an eternity in your own desires…or oblivion. Few prefer that last option."

Kyoko wasn't having it, _Your mother loved you, Shinji. I know she did. I saw her smile at you…that wasn't a smile of contempt, or hatred. It wasn't fake, or playing to an audience. Yui Ikari loved you enough that she wanted you to be there to see the future._

"Death? A bright light, and screaming? Pain, misery, suffering, and empty words? Abandonment by those who should have taken care of me while I learned how to function as a human being?" He frowned with growing irritation, "I…I think I remember Rits being there, somehow. I'll have to ask her, later. But I'd say you were right in that she showed me my future, Kyoko. Death, pain, suffering…those _were_ in fact her gifts to me. The other possibility, the one some might choose to view things through since we're talking about the many ways I need to start looking at situations, is that my mother's 'sacrifice' led to your demise. We had, according to Lily, no other options to defend Earth against the Angels than to use the Evas. Instead of allowing someone else to suffer, like I'm asked to do so often, Yui took all of her knowledge with her and became the core, really just threw herself upon that grenade." His hand lazily gestured to Lilith, "She got pinned to a cross." It then drifted towards Kyoko, "And you got torn in half. The woman who birthed me, much like the man responsible for half of Misato's genetics, has something of a posthumous kill count growing. Don't ask me to mourn her loss anymore. I tried to for ten years, only to find out that the woman I thought I lost wasn't actually real."

 _You're where you are because of her,_ the spirit began to realize how badly she might have misread the situation.

"You are absolutely right. I am surrounded by suffering and love. By death, and new life. Burdened beyond my means by obligations to defend mankind against Angels, aliens, and gods." His voice grew cold, "I have lost my humanity, and I did so _long_ before I was no longer human. I have spent an eternity suffering, because of her. So have you." Looking down and away, he pushed his emotions back where they belonged, "I love you, Kyoko. That love will grow, over time. I swear, on everything I am, that I will make your life as happy as I can possibly make it…."

She could feel the words changing in his mind, begging to be harsher than he was trying to formulate them towards _…But?_

He whispered quietly, not wanting to hurt someone who was already hurting, "Never bring up Yui Ikari again." Dismissing the conversation, he faced Lilith and brought the topic back to where he wanted it to be, "What did Nozomi-chan say? Is it anything we can predict, or is it like the blue jar she mentioned before?"

Lily accepted his statement as final. She had no great love for the woman in question, and only wanted Shinji to speak further on the topic for the purposes of processing his parental abandonment problems, "As much as it might surprise you, I tend to agree with Suzuka, Lover. Focusing too much on the visions she presents means we miss the other, smaller, problems before they metastasize into much deadlier problems. I doubt you need to look further than Hikari for evidence of that."

"…Fair enough," he sighed. "Thank you for staying and watching over my… _our_ family, Lily. I think I'll dry off and go play some music. Before…before I say something hurtful that I don't mean."

+++++ 15th Angel + 2: Saturday (121)

Having grabbed the first musical object he could find, Shinji found himself playing a more modern instrument and commensurately more recent songs. He was not enamored with the guitar, as too many musicians tended to be, but the music it produced provided the relief he sought. The audience of one, having sat silent for hours as he played, was neither an imposition nor a participant, instead passively thinking on what had passed as he entertained her with instrument and voice. She was under no illusions that he was singing _for_ her, but she had a growing suspicion that he was singing as a way of offering her terms of peace.

The pair, unique in their perspective as beings who had once been trapped within their darkest nightmares, had just suffered the first 'fight' of their relatively brief time together. The situation, to a degree, reminded him of a life he'd spent with the vivacious nurse sleeping peacefully down the hallway, in turn summoning a song that he'd never both played and sung. Flowing from a folksy travelling tune into the ballad he'd penned hastily to try and soothe Kodama's spirit as the world fell to pieces, he instead presented it to Kyoko while making eye contact for the first time since the pool:

If I had one single word

To ever speak

It would be of you

If I could not ever say

That simple word

It would still be true

If days should end, time gone by

My thoughts would dwell

Holding to your love

If only you heard my voice

(Silenced, stolen)

Quiet memories

If you saw through my eyes

(Darkened, broken)

Painful treacheries

If life could begin anew

(Frozen, bitter)

A chance from above

If we've taken what joy we could find from this suffering

Given ourselves reason to live

We now face our fate, under murky skies

If I say one single word

If my voice can find a way

If we ever meet again

If you share your smile with me

If I could say….

The song halted, as abruptly in this life as it had while he performed it in the other, and after shaking his head sadly at the memory of what came to pass he began to play another song without lyrical accompaniment, his gaze returning to his instrument, "You're the second person, other than me who doesn't count, to ever hear that one. The first to hear the words."

 _I'm…honored._ Hesitating for a moment, she floated beside him and settled so that she lay against his side, _I'm sorry for being angry earlier. It took me a little while to put together where I knew her from. Every time you activated Unit-01, I saw her. I eventually reasoned out that I probably should have seen-_ The sentence died as abruptly as his song had, _Not the best move for me to let my anger run away with me, when I'm trying so hard to stop your anger from running away with you. Thank you for not demanding I leave you alone this morning._

"You weren't completely wrong." His selection of songs became darker, "But we're still getting to know one another. I'm sure at some point in time I'll say something you hate, something that reminds you of someone you despise, or just something that you're normally fine with but at a point where you're having a bad day. I'll learn, just like you did, what to avoid. Then, after everyone's calmer, I'll try and do something to make it up to you."

Her laughter was rueful, _I've been trying to think of anything I could do, and kind of came up blank. My 'go to' doesn't work, as I can't cook anything._ Her hand passed through the guitar to prove her point. _I'd offer other things, but you aren't that kind of man…and to be honest I'm really happy you aren't. Being tied to the soul of a lecherous pervert for all eternity would have led to me taking Lilith's offer of oblivion pretty quickly._

Apropos of nothing, he chuckled in turn, "Hey, I know you're married to five women, soon to be more, and you're involved with more than a baker's dozen, but I promise you're not actually a lecher or a pervert. You're just massively misunderstood and have flexible ideas about monogamy." Pushing against her with his shoulder, he grinned, "My life, Kyoko, is _fucked up_."

 _Look on the bright side,_ she offered gamely, _not a single woman you're with wants to hire a hitman to kill you. How many husbands can say that with absolute conviction, hmm?_ Her smile was playful, her hope to drag him back towards a happier day, _I mean let's be frank here. You could do the dishes twice a month and still claim to be doing 'your fair share'. You could honestly state that you missed dinner because you were with another woman, and none of the women in this household would bat an eyelash. You're not thinking of the benefits, you know._

"This is true, this is true. I do have a natural tendency to look for the flaws in everything. I'm terrified that two of them will become pregnant at the same time, end up giving birth at the same time, and hating me forever because I couldn't be with one of them when it happened." He shook his head slowly, "I come up with scenario after scenario that paints this in the worst possible light…and it has to hurt them." Setting aside the guitar, he lifted the dead woman and settled her on his lap, "Why is it when you say something it makes sense? I _know_ they've been beating me with this for months now. There was a life where I was with Suzuka, and the three agents, and the four of them were relentless in trying to get me to not fixate."

She took his question seriously, pursing her lips in thought, _I don't want to say that whatever I say makes sense, because tonight proves that we're not completely of the same mind. I was…and am, angry at the Angels ruining my life. If they had left us alone, the Eva would not have been necessary, and I would not have spent…._ Her hands soothed his chest, in order to remind her that she wasn't there anymore, _It's hard to be angry at the Aspects…they welcomed me with open arms. Shamshel, the poor dear, apologized profusely. They spoke for days about how they couldn't go against their design._ Rocking side to side, she smiled, _Perhaps the reason you accept my words is that I simply speak my mind. I'm not shy about criticizing you, or anyone else. I'm especially not shy about criticizing myself._

He nodded agreeably, "There is much to be said for complete honesty, in my mind."

 _I'm not being completely honest,_ she shrugged, wrinkling her nose cutely as she seemed to enjoy doing right before saying something she knew would set him off. _If I were, I'd tell you what I'm thinking right now._

Something in his mind pushed him to forgive the woman before him, that despite her anger and the circumstances of their union, that there was far more to be gained by boldness than by hesitation, "I don't hold it against you. What you said earlier, I mean. I know that you're aware of…what it is I'm feeling," he rocked his head back and forth in time with her motions trying to think of the right words. "You feel like you abandoned Asuka. I feel like Yui abandoned me. We're two sides of the same coin, and each of us wishes desperately that we weren't forced into the position we've been placed in."

 _I'm very sorry,_ her playful mood faded, replaced by sincerity and regret. _And I am very, very grateful that you aren't the kind of man to hold lifelong grudges like…._

He snorted, "My father's an asshole."

Her lips worked silently for a moment, _That…wasn't who I was comparing you to._

"Your ex-husband?" Shinji tried to remember anything significant about the man, and came up mostly blank. Even in those lives where he and Asuka were together, she rarely if ever included her patriarch in anything. The birth of their children warranted a card from the woman he'd cheated on Kyoko with, at the most.

 _No, he usually just kills the person who's offended him that badly,_ she hated playing twenty questions, but had been told not to do something. The problem came from the fact that she knew Yui Ikari far better than her son, and the topic was still swirling around her mind.

Shinji, however, wasn't an idiot, "My…she held grudges?"

 _If you ever put Naoko Akagi in the same room with…. Believe me, nobody came out of those meetings 'happy'. I don't know what happened between them, but that was the first time I discovered that her grudges weren't passing fancies._ Talking around the name, the discomfort showed on her features, _As I said, I'm very, very grateful. I don't know if you've overcome the tendency, or you're just naturally forgiving. Either way, I'm the beneficiary of it this morning._

"Neuroses…if I had to guess." Pulling her closer, he rested his chin on the crown of her head, "If I don't forgive people for everything they've done…what reason does anyone have to forgive me for anything I do? I'll do something wrong, I know I will. It's just how I am. Shinji 'the screw up' Ikari."

 _Well…stop letting people take advantage of it._ Pushing back, she looked intently up at him, _Ask for an apology, and if one isn't forthcoming, don't forgive them right away. If you don't stand up for yourself, you can't expect anyone to take you seriously. If you don't stand up for yourself, also, how can others have confidence that you'll stand up for them, hmm? I made a mistake. And I am sorry for…for pushing my history and your own into one grudge against…whatever Lilith is to you._

Watching her speak, the expressive openness she possessed, he felt…warmth. "Thank you." The simple words, with as much certitude as he could layer them with, were followed by him taking her chin between his thumb and forefinger, and kissing her with the same warmth he once wished he had kissed her daughter. Kyoko, unlike Asuka, insisted that he stand tall for himself and not because she wanted to be pushed to greater heights for herself. She wanted him to be the best person he could be, because she saw his potential and wanted him to attain it. He knew that she wasn't seeking glory, or a challenger to fight against. Kyoko Zeppelin Soryu wanted…to be needed.

Caught by surprise, but still in possession of enough control over herself to allow him to do what she was finding deliciously tantalizing, the spirit of a dead woman reached up and lightly laid her wrists against the back of his neck. She had stated the truth when she declared that she was glad he was not the kind of man to _insist_ , however that did not mean that she was opposed to him _asking_. So long as it was…properly phrased. The mood took a small hit when she felt him wince, prompting her to separate and display commensurate concern, _Mausbärchen, was ist falsch?_

"N-nichts," he immediately regretted the statement, which registered on his face and bought him time to expand on the problem. "I'm…I'm being me." It felt wonderful to have her treat affection as he did, the lack of push or pull for anything more than he gave was a powerful compelling force to continue on, but his mind refused to stop sabotaging everything. "I'm being me, and I hate myself."

 _Ok. Then we need to discuss what 'being you' means, so that I can advise you on how best to stop the behavior that you want stopped._ She wasn't put off by his honesty, nor by the fact that despite the fact that they had been engaged in a rather pleasant diversion he had become distracted. Time, to her, meant very little anymore, _Should we step into your soul? Spend a little while talking there?_

"No…no." Taking a deep breath, he searched her face, "I am not a good man. A…a good man would not, while kissing a beautiful woman, compare that kiss to another he'd received. Certainly…." Trailing off, his confidence fled, he slowly closed his mouth as he tried to find the right thing to do.

 _Certainly not comparing a mother to her daughter,_ Kyoko giggled, understanding coming with the way he presented the dilemma. _Well, unlike my daughter, I am not going to slap you for your brain not cooperating with you. I_ know _you are a good man. Because a good man worries about whether or not he's being a good man. As far as who is a better kisser-_

"Oh, oh no," he waved that off. "I…no. No, that wasn't the comparison. You…uhm…." His tongue worked along his teeth, "You…." Lowering his voice, he leaned in, "You're allowing me to kiss you, instead of taking charge and kissing me. She…she never…."

 _Which then prompted you to think about how different we are, despite her being, or indeed because she is, my daughter._ She could see the connections form, _Which led to comparisons, and concern that I am being forced into caring for you. Which then led to concern that she is going to hate you for you and I having bonded. Which then began the circular fear cycle, which led to the wince._ When he nodded, glumly, she patted his cheek, _You know my ex-husband never really bothered brushing his teeth?_

Shinji blinked, the sudden topic change taking a second before he realized what she was doing, "Really?"

 _Can you imagine, with his diet, what that meant from time to time?_ Shuddering adorably, she stuck out her tongue in disgust. _You, on the other hand, brush, floss, and use mouthwash. Multiple times a day. Comparing two people,_ any _two people, is not inherently evil. Comparing two people who would fill the same role? That's human. Is it…unusual, that I might be replacing my daughter in your heart? Yes. But you didn't intend it to happen, and that is what matters most here. We had no choice, certainly no ill intent, and we are simply…very compatible people._

Blowing out a heavy breath, he let his eyes lose focus, "I think…maybe the root of the problem is she loves me."

 _You're pretty easy to love,_ Kyoko shrugged.

"I'm going to…to have to reject her," the idea of rejecting anybody hurt him, surprised him with its intensity.

 _I wouldn't say so._ Rearranging the order of likely events, she attempted to show him the flaw in his thinking, _She will likely reject the situation, when it is explained to her. The rules of the household being what they are, for good and proper reasons, mind,_ she tapped his chin until he looked at her, _means that if she bonds with you she can't engage in sexual activities with anyone outside of the house. Knowing her mind as I do, she will most likely recoil at the thought of doing anything with any of the ladies. Which leaves her with only you, the man who_ will _at some point be sexually active with the spirit of her dead mother. It will be her choice to decline, not yours._

His brow knit, "But…it would be wrong of me to offer. I know that you came first. Fairness, if nothing else, means that you take priority now. Yes, I knew her before you, but that doesn't mean that I should…or…."

A touch of surprise showed on her youthful face, _Or?_

"…Or would." His heartrate increased as he admitted his mind to the woman who so far had been better than most at understanding it, "You get on my case when I screw up, but you don't…you don't _hurt_ me doing so. After you've explained why you are upset, you're instantly calm. It's like your anger is only there to get the point through my thick skull, and then it vanishes and is replaced by…."

 _Believe it or not, I_ am _sorry that I yelled at you for calling me maternal,_ her smile turned remorseful. _There are better ways of imparting information, and I shouldn't be so quick to take offense at what a good, if a bit naïve, man is telling me._

"Long term? Probably." He considered her admission further evidence of his thesis, "For now? I'd say your method has been a lot more effective than most. Asuka never apologizes, she never admits she's flawed, she certainly never admits vulnerability. I know everyone looks up to me like I'm strong, like I can hold up the sky…but _she's_ the only one who insists I act that way all the time. Everyone else, including you, wants me to admit when I'm scared. When I'm hurting. You want to help me overcome it."

 _That's not the young woman I saw during the fight with Arael-chan,_ Kyoko corrected him gently. _She was desperate for you to be safe, she threw herself between you and the threat to protect you. She offered to move you away from what she sees as tearing you apart, into her own place of safety. Yes, she wants you to be stronger, but she wants that because she knows you_ can _. Her motivations are much more simple than you make them out to be, if you can grow stronger, better, faster, then you do._

"…I love her, but…maybe I just don't know how," the statement felt hollow.

 _I know you do dear, I love her too._ Laying against his chest, she encouraged him to hold her close, _We'll do what we can to help her. That's what you do, when you love someone and they're suffering. No matter how you love them._

+++++ 15th Angel + 2: Saturday (121)

The day's lesson was a review of the material before their unit exam, and none of the four students from the Manor were doing a very good job of paying attention to the teacher. The teacher, of course, could not tell that they were speaking with one another and assumed that they were simply remembering the lessons that had preceded the review. After all, three of the best students in the school, and one who had been making steady improvements, wouldn't be daydreaming during class.

 _You did not!_ Hikari struggled to keep her face straight, despite the wildly caroming emotional fluctuations in her chest, _On the lectern?!_

 _The lectern, the teacher's desk, my desk, his desk, against the blackboard,_ Yang exuded satisfaction. _We did not, however, do anything on your desk or Tsuru's desk._ Lifting her chin primly, she kept her eyes on the teacher's lesson, _We're not barbarians._

Shinji, for his part, was attempting to keep his face from bursting into flames, _She…made a very compelling case._

Tsuru, a master at holding masks in place, reached over and lightly caressed his arm, _I would like to do something similar, my prince. When there is time. The roof overlooking the athletic fields seems awfully lonely, sometimes._

 _I…I claim the teacher's lounge,_ Hikari set the thought out before anyone else could.

Slowly cupping his hands over his face, rubbing softly as if he were tired, Shinji admitted to himself that he allowed this to happen. He enabled it. And no matter how much he had _enjoyed_ it, the escalation of the naughty nocturnal missions was his responsibility. _We're going to get caught._

 _That_ would _be part of the thrill,_ Tsuru admitted dreamily.

+++++ 15th Angel + 2: Saturday (121)

With her teams engaged with various projects, and Gaghiel laying on her head, Maya once more tapped the call button next to Asuka's door. She knew, courtesy of a quick mental conference with the trio of agents dedicated to their family, that the complex bundle of issues with red hair was in her room. While she didn't want to 'push', she also didn't want to just give up. Beyond the hope that Asuka could still pilot with some assistance from Eve, there was the simple truth that Maya had come to understand better where her friend had been coming from in the first life. This version may not have been perfect, but she had tried harder and deserved more effort.

A third tap prompted the door to slide open halfway, angry cerulean eyes glaring beneath an unkempt mane, "What do you want?" Asuka's tone gave away nothing, save for her contempt for life, "Well? Spit it out. I'm trying to…. I'm busy."

"I'd like to brush your hair," Maya changed her opening line to fit the new information before her. "Maybe talk some?"

"Oh how lovely," she retorted scathingly. "Then we can bake cookies and gossip about boys. What do you need, Maya? I don't have time to put up with your touchy-feely bullshit."

 _Ok, then. Let's try it her way,_ "I'd like to spend some time with my friend, ok?" The shift to anger and frustration wasn't easy for the Lieutenant Colonel. She wasn't honestly upset with Asuka, and pretending to be did not come easily, "I thought you and I were coming to respect one another, or at the very least understand one another, and much like my husband, I've been fighting to help others see that beneath the bitch-coated exterior there's actually a reasonable person inside."

Her eyes narrowed as she looked past her unexpected guest, "…You came alone?"

"I wouldn't want someone overhearing how badly the world has kicked me in the teeth before I was ready to talk to them," crossing her arms, she shrugged. "I came on my own, of my own accord, because I wanted to make sure my friend wasn't alone."

Lowering her voice to a whisper, Asuka made her position clear, "Then understand this: he is being abused by all of you, and I will not tolerate it. I respect _you_. You, and you alone, might not end up outside of what I _will_ make happen. Do not push me, and I won't encourage him to see what you've been doing to him. When I'm ready, I'll call him. Until then? Stay. The fuck. Out." Slamming the door shut, she made evident that the interview was at an end.

Into the sudden silence, Gaghiel spoke gently, _She is hurting, Advisor. I don't think she meant what she said…not fully. Her song and her words weren't unified. Maybe if you politely tried again? She might respond differently?_

Reaching up as if she were scratching her hair, Maya soothed the youthful Aspect, _Later, Gaghiel-kun. I need to respect her autonomy, even though I feel the same way you do. She's lashing out because she's hurting inside, and she doesn't want others to know she's not in control. We'll try again soon, so long as you're willing to come along and help me._

 _Oh, I'm always happy to spend time with you Advisor!_ Pat-patting her with his fins, he giggled, _Your hair is tickly in the most polite way. It's wonderful to lay on, I'd make a nest out of it if it wouldn't mean you would be bald. I think the Great One would be very upset with me if I did that._

Sighing out a laugh as she imagined herself without any hair, she turned and began the walk back to the rest of her responsibilities, _He probably would, at that._

+++++ 15th Angel + 2: Saturday (121)

"Right as rain, sir," Kelly smiled brightly as she reported her health to her former commanding officer. "Turns out having the love of a good man does wonders for a lady's health." Her office, fitted with a video teleconferencing system, allowed him to see her standing in a professional skirt and modest blouse and vest combination, "Not going to give back the retirement, though. Matthew Six Twenty-Four."

Admiral Drake nodded with understanding, his newest aide moving about his ready room behind him, "I'm sorry to lose you, Chambers. Though I do look forward to attending your wedding. I _am_ invited, aren't I?"

Looking down at the papers she held, she shook her head slowly, "When the time is right, we'll have a commitment ceremony. I doubt the Holy See will endorse a wedding, as we're both adulterers, and I'm…not quite ready to abandon all of her teachings just yet to have a union endorsed by any of the more local religions."

"Have you asked?" Settling back in his chair, the elder officer accepted some paperwork for signatures, "If we're being honest, there are a number of rather serious religious debates that will need to be had. Adding on a request to marry a faithful daughter of the Church to the man who has risen from the dead more than once to save mankind? I doubt it's beyond the Church's purview. They might even endorse the wedding simply to ensure that he has some ties to their order. Perhaps making his handle slightly more official?"

"I…. It would be inappropriate to use his situation to push for something selfish, sir." The idea sparked and died in the same breath, "My charge is to execute his office as if my hand were his. He is many things, but he is never selfish."

"No, not selfish. He is, however, very giving. He'd suffer any burden to provide what someone he cares for desires." Holding up a scrap of paper, he showed an address for the MAGI-net, "Write a note. Ask the question. What comes of it, comes of it. But I'm certain you've heard him say that if you never ask the question, you can't ever find the answer."

Her mouth moved to protest that she couldn't, and her heart reminded her that she had accepted the assignment supporting the Admiral for a reason. He was a good man, faithful to his family, his duty, and his crew. If a good man proposed a solution to a problem, then it followed that the solution itself couldn't be dismissed as evil outright. Taking down the address, she responded with a firm voice, "Aye, sir."

"Excellent," setting down the scrap, he continued signing forms. "Because I've already directed Jacob to ask the Archbishop back in Philadelphia the same question. He was rather excited to have a chance to debate theology again, you know how he is."

"You…." Bunching her lips tight as her face darkened, the red headed Irishwoman readied herself to yell at the man she'd served for years, for the first time ever. The slight upturn of his lips gave her the go-ahead, and she knew he looked forward to finally hearing what so many other officers said was the finest vocal range on the fleet. _If he wants a performance, I'll_ give _him a performance!_

+++++ 15th Angel + 2: Saturday (121)

"We would be using the former occupant of Asuka's soul, sir," Ritsuko had received approval from Shinji to explain the plan in order to buy time for it to develop. "Even without a core, she should be able to animate Unit-02, and act as a bridge between Pilot Soryu and the Eva. To our understanding, she would not be able to directly combat an Angel, she would simply be animating the Eva and allowing the pilot to do the fighting."

Kozo, tired from several poor nights of sleep following the confirmation that Yui Ikari was forever lost, simply nodded a head heavy with fatigue, "That is good news, doctor. Though, I'm assuming there's more complications otherwise we would be testing it out instead of speaking on it."

Misato stepped in front of that question, "We are currently attempting to interface Unit-03's core with Unit-02. Partly in case Shinji and Doctor Zeppelin Soryu's plan doesn't work, and…."

"Partly as a humanitarian gesture," the old commander sat back, an ill content look on his face. "Do we have confirmation of where…the former occupants of the cores go, if the core should be destroyed?" He knew the question was unprofessional, and the motivation intensely personal, but if not for himself then for Gendo, he wanted the answer.

Shimmering into existence, to avoid startling anyone more than necessary, Lilith took her chance to be more forthcoming, "Me." Wearing the dress Shinji had gifted her, having changed the color to allow it to seem 'different', she set her hands before her waist and exuded an aura of comfort, "She is in the Ocean of Souls I possess within me, where all of you…or, those of you who are mortal, eventually return to."

Kozo eyed the newcomer warily, "You'll…forgive my doubts, madam."

"Were she so inclined, I would be able to have you speak with her," the eldritch being shrugged. "She is, however, currently living in her preferred reality where the Angels never threatened humanity. Where she never heard of 'metaphysical biology'. Where her _daughter_ is a charmingly loquacious young child…forevermore." Her gaze darkened considerably, "I could, should I choose, make her eternity much more…suited, to one who abandoned her child so eagerly to embrace the universe. Out of love for that child, I do not. You may feel free to share this information with _him_ , if you wish. I once thought I would enjoy the look on his face as I detailed the love his former wife has found when left to her own preferences…."

Misato waited several heartbeats before asking, "She…has a daughter?"

There was pain present, as Lily turned to the woman beside her, "She even named her 'Rei'. Abandoned him. Replaced him. Everything _he_ _himself_ chose to do." Recovering her icy exterior, she glanced back at Kozo, "You have done…well enough. More effort might have been made to act in a…paternal capacity, upon his return. But there were versions of you that performed far, far worse. Take heart. When you die? I won't torment your soul."

As the powerful being vanished from the room, Ritsuko exhaled slowly in relief, "That…answers a lot of questions."

The elderly commander, his eyes remaining on where his fate had been pronounced, dismissed those he felt didn't need to see an old man cry, "Please take due care in handling Missus Suzuhara. If possible, ask Lead Pilot Ikari and Miss Eve to demonstrate the capability they've suggested, using him as a pilot if Soryu is not inclined to cooperate at the moment. I need to report to the UNHC how progress is going on providing support for him, in the remaining battles." As both women hesitated, he flicked his finger towards the door, "Thank you."

Remaining silent until they had the door safely between them and the man they knew was about to weep for what had been, and what had come from horrible decisions, both of Shinji's lovers shared a look that stood in agreement on one basic fact: Shinji would not hear of this from them. All three of them had extremely complicated relationships with their parents, to put things delicately. Neither of the ladies were eager to find out what their own parents were doing…after they had abandoned them to live in an apparent paradise.

+++++ 15th Angel + 2: Saturday (121)

Kodama had her youngest sister on her back, and was walking by the man she loved. The city saw her with him, without shame or fear on his face, and watched as they carried two young children to their destination. The plan, as it was, had always been to give Sakura and Nozomi the first 'date' to help Shinji not feel as if he had to be on top of everything all the time, though her attendance hadn't been pre-planned. One chaperone turned into many as a mixture of Section Two, Charlie Company, and Shirakami, all in plain clothes, trailed behind and fanned out ahead of the quartet.

 _I'm glad they won't be doing this when it's intended to be a bit more romantic,_ Shinji sent while their passengers discussed possible destinations following the dessert parlor. _Not that I'm opposed to more security around the little ones, but I'm almost positive there are more of our people than civilians on this street right now._

Mimicking the voice of Charlie Company's Commanding Officer, Kodama quoted the young Captain, _If Team Rainbow is leaving my AO sir, it is my obligation to make certain that they are well protected. I will not accept less than a squad of my people in support._ Catching him smirking, she took his hand in hers, _At least the Shirakami and Section Two liaisons were able to convince her to send them in plain clothes with subdued weapons._

"Uhm, Sh-Shinji?" Having developed a preference for using his name without modifier, the second youngest person present lightly stroked his hair for attention, "Can…uhm, can we go there instead?" She pointed to a nearby restaurant, one he knew was owned by the Shirakami, that served a variety of foreign foodstuffs, "I've…uhm…."

"Oh!" Nozomi bounced slightly, "Oh, oh! You've always wanted to go there, I remember you telling me that you liked the name last year." Leaning up, she looked at Shinji eagerly, "I'm super ok with changing the destination, nii-san. I'm sure I can find something with apples in there."

Shifting his weight to alter their course, he patted his passenger's knee, "So orders Team Rainbow." Holding out the hand he used to soothe Sakura's nerves, he waved his hand to grab the attention of the people behind him, looped his finger around three times and chopped his hand down at the new destination. He could feel the word spreading through the units, people arranging themselves and taking up defensive positions. _I admit, I feel ridiculous._ "What are we having, Yinghua-chan? I'm going to let you order for me, so that I don't just nibble on Kodama-nee's food." Three people moved into the building ahead of them, prearranging matters without causing undue consternation to those already seated inside. He could hear someone's song inside go from curious to anxious, before finally settling on joyous and eager.

"Order him something filling, little sis," Kodama pleaded with faux concern. "I'd like to actually have a chance at eating all of my food!"

"I…uhm, I don't know what they have." Hugging his head, she laid forward so that her hair draped down with a touch of trepidation hanging from her voice, "I just like the name, and the jingle on the television."

"First time visit for both of us then," he replied with a pleased grin. _Mikoto loves this place,_ he sent to Kodama. _Or…other versions of Mikoto do. She'd drag me here all the time, insisting that it was the best beef in the city. I think she just liked the look of one of the waitresses, thinner than she is._

 _Which can't possibly be healthy,_ Kodama sent back critically. _That lady needs to eat more._ "I've never been here either, so that's three of us. Sprout?"

"Nope, Daddy never snuck me here. We stuck to pizza places." Nozomi's voice held the aching sorrow, but her face remained strong, "This is even better, then. We're making a family memory!"

Reaching the door, held open by the corporal that had entered to search the premises, Shinji plucked his passenger off his shoulders with some small regret, "Sorry, Yinghua-chan. Low ceilings mean bonked heads, and if I bonk your head, Corporal Kumiko will probably kick me in the shin repeatedly until I apologize."

"Both shins," the young corporal agreed easily. "Nobody harms Team Rainbow. It's just how it is."

Keeping his hand, the spiritual leader of her team of two bowed quickly in gratitude, "Thank you for holding the door, ma'am." Preceding her captive, she cautiously walked into the air conditioned interior with a mixture of curiosity and wonder, "It's…so big!"

"Nice décor," Kodama agreed keeping her passenger in place for the moment owing to her lower stature. "Does give the appearance of being much less cramped than you'd think."

Brightly colored, carved wooden beams with hidden lighting worked into the material kept any possible shadows from developing in the restaurant. Plants and carved scrimshaw decorated surfaces sparingly, with tables placed at bench seating that had backs just high enough to partition without crowding or looming. It was, from all appearances, an incredibly friendly facility. "Welcome to my humble diner, Your Grace," a cheery middle aged woman bearing a nametag that named her the proprietress called out in a child-friendly voice. "Thank you so much for bringing your family today. Please, please this way." Sweeping her hand in their expected direction of travel, she moved with the shorter legs in mind to not force Sakura to hurry.

Shinji made brief eye contact with the Shirakami and the Section Two agents that had found corners to loiter in so that they weren't 'in the way', nodding his understanding of the tacit instructions. So long as people stayed calm, the day would go wonderfully. They would allow people to approach, if they did so politely, to give him a chance to meet 'normal people'. If he felt uncomfortable with someone, he had prearranged signals that would summon support. Most importantly, the first people to be bundled off to safety were the ladies he was with. Sixth Squad was given the 'honor' of extracting Team Rainbow and Kodama from any conflict, leaving Section Two to 'handle' their asset. Section Two, in turn, was informed by their asset that they were to support Sixth Squad and leave him to extract himself. The lead Shirakami gave him a flat look and said they would take his position under advisement, which was more or less what he'd expected.

Helping everyone find their seat, the proprietress turned on the menus that were built into the table itself, "While you consider what you might like to eat, is there anything I can get everyone to drink?" Her tone shifted to maternal as she considered the two younger patrons, "We have several types of flavored water, or juice, or if His Grace is amenable, we have several types of chocolate drinks you could have?"

"Agree to brush your teeth when we get home, and I don't mind you getting what you'd like," Shinji bartered, knowing he'd cave anyway.

"I promise," Sakura responded quickly. "Could…uhm, could I try this one, ma'am?" Tapping a strawberry-chocolate mix, she scooted closer to Shinji, taking his hand for support. "I…uhm, I don't know what sizes there are, so I'll trust you to know best."

"Oh, I'll have one of those too," Nozomi gave her colleague a thumb's up. "Super good choice."

Marking down on her tablet, the woman grinned cordially at Sakura and Nozomi before turning to Kodama, "And for Her Grace?"

"Just some ice water, please," the busty nurse laughed. "I'm already going to be working out twice today to pay for this, so I may as well make it a little easier on myself."

 _You don't really gain weight now that you're immortal, remember?_ Shinji followed the reminder up with a friendly touch of her hand, "I'll work out with you, ok? Why don't you splurge a little. We're making a family memory, right?"

Biting her top lip, the 'elder' sister looked between her two younger siblings, "What do you think, ladies? Maybe a small version of what you're having?"

"I'll…uhm," Sakura looked between Shinji and Kodama, "I'll help work out too, Kodama-nee. I think you should try and…uhm, have fun?"

"I'll sit on your back, so you can do pushups with some more weight," Nozomi added. "Then we'll do some of that hold still stuff that Ritsuko-nee-san has you doing," she looked to Sakura. "I always sweat a whole bunch holding still that long."

Shinji moved to finish the drink order, "What about me, Yinghua-chan? I told you that you could order for me. Help me try out new things, right?"

"Would…would you mind trying the same thing?" She vaguely gestured to the other two ladies on the opposing side of the table, "So we can all talk about the drink?" At his nod of assent, she turned back and tried to keep her excitement from causing her to bounce uncomfortably, "Maybe one more his size, ma'am?"

"Absolutely, my dear," a few more taps and she excused herself to let them peruse the menu.

 _Thank you,_ Shinji squeezed Kodama's hand while keeping his eyes focused on where Sakura was looking through the various foods. _This was a great idea, and I'm very happy you're here to enjoy it with me._ "What is that?" Briefly withdrawing his hand from Sakura's grasp, he tapped the menu, "That's very colorful."

"No…too much syrup, it would be messy," Sakura quickly reclaimed his hand, pulling it down to the bench below the table.

Nozomi nodded, absorbed in her own menu, "Can't be messy, nii-san. She's a super clean eater, and hates it when I drop stuff when I'm aiming for my mouth."

Kodama took note of her newest sister's actions, _Shinji, is she shaking? Or is she just fidgeting?_

 _She's nervous, out in public for the first time in some time, I'd say._ He'd purposely chosen to sit next to her for this reason, wanting to act as a bulwark against the habit of social isolation that had been imposed on her after her injury, _She's got a death grip on my hand, but her song isn't panicked. I think we're ok._ "Well, I can't disagree that we shouldn't waste food by dropping it on the ground. At least try to hit the plate, right?"

Sakura beamed a smile up at him, "Exactly! Daddy always said…." Her smile crumpled into a look of anger that worried Shinji, before she looked down again at the menu, "I'm going to be a good big sister to your daughters, Shinji. I'm going to show them how to eat properly, and when they make a mistake I'm going to comfort them and tell them that I love them. You'll see."

"Love is very important," Kodama agreed, sharing a commiserating look with her husband. "I know that you and Nozomi-chan are going to be the best big sisters you can be. Our Daddy always had troubles with Hiki, because she ate so slowly. It was the complete opposite of speed demon here," she ruffled Nozomi's hair earning a giggle. "We'd all be done with dinner, and Hiki would be only halfway through. You're probably just like her, Yinghua-chan."

The anger remained, though her response was both polite and hope-filled, "I…uhm, I'd really like to be just like Hikari-nee when I grow up. She works super hard to take care of everyone, and even when someone tells her that she's being mean she doesn't forget to apologize."

"There are far worse people to emulate," Shinji encouraged the shift away from the topic of fathers, and teased his fellow escort, "you could try to be like Kodama-san, and worry constantly about your weight despite it being perfectly proportioned."

Nozomi giggled as Sakura blushed, the elder of the two children looking up to Shinji, "Do you think I can be like Hikari-nee?"

"With enough hard work, little sis, you can be whatever you want to be," Kodama stated with firm conviction. "You have a house full of people pulling for you, and more importantly you have this big dork supporting you," she bounced Shinji's hand.

Whatever Sakura was about to respond with, as negative as it seemed to be, was cut off by the arrival of their drinks. The proprietress setting everything down carefully, and asking without pressure, "Have we found something we'd like to try? If not, I can make some recommendations if you tell me the kind of flavors you'd like?"

Food was ordered, Nozomi knowing exactly what she wanted, Kodama balancing things she normally wouldn't eat due to fears of her weight against the desire to try and 'have fun' for the day, and Sakura carefully ordering something she'd never been allowed to try for her and Shinji. He explained the situation with a simple, "I promised she could order for me. We're helping each other stretch beyond our comfort zones."

"Oh that's wonderful," the matronly woman beamed. "Don't worry, young miss, we'll make sure everything's perfect for you both."

"Thank you, ma'am," Sakura ducked her head politely.

Once they were alone again, drinking what they'd been provided at varying speeds, the conversation stalled as people determined how they felt about the bitter and sweet beverage, with Kodama commenting first, "I think I may like this a little too much."

Nozomi, unflappable, nodded eagerly, "It's really good!"

Shinji, sensing that his opinion was eagerly awaited by the younger woman holding his hand, agreed slowly, "I wouldn't have it every day, because I'm going to have to brush my teeth twice as hard, but it does taste very good."

"We…uhm, we should be careful about our health, I agree," Sakura added at the end. "But…I really like it."

"And that's what matters." Moving the conversation about, including everyone at the table as best he could, Shinji upheld his end of the agreement for the day's events. Speaking in public, in a conversational tone of voice, about those things that came to mind was a small step towards having the self-confidence to speak in public about larger matters. Math classes, student behavior, how breakfast tasted, nothing they touched on was Earth-shattering, but the repetition of the skill and the backstop of having the two most precious beings in his world depending on him flexed the atrophied muscle nicely.

With the food delivered, and slowly consumed, he took note of the room surrounding him. There were people listening in, younger students and elderly retirees, people who were curious about the giant, luminous, being that had descended from the heavens to help them by fighting monsters they could not. Each mundane topic chosen was consumed voraciously by that audience, his life seemingly both marvelous and typical, a young man trying to do what he could for those he loved while balancing external obligations with the dictates of his conscience and heart. It was difficult to accept, still, that others would be so interested in the life of a man that desperately wanted boring and kept having excitement shoveled into his face.

"This was good," pushing back his plate, he had paced himself so that he was the last to finish so that nobody felt rushed. "An excellent choice, Yinghua-chan. I'm glad you asked to come here, so that we could experience this." As the proprietress approached, he raised his voice to be heard clearly over the casual din of the crowd, "The meal was fantastic, ma'am. I'm going to have to make certain to bring more of my family here, from time to time."

"Oh, I'm so glad to hear that, Your Grace," an honest smile nearly split her face. "If it might not be too much to ask, the staff was wondering if you and your party might allow us to take a quick picture with you? Something to hang in the entryway to show our pride in our work?"

+++++ 15th Angel + 2: Saturday (121)

"It's cute," Yang grinned as Hikari hung the frame on the wall. "If he keeps it up, we're going to have to expand the house just to have space for all of these pictures with him and the groups asking for them."

The freckle-faced beauty shared her friend's happiness, "Complete. Agreement. This, Yang, this is everything I wanted to see. Look how he's holding her in his lap? That smile on her face? He's the cause of that, and I can bludgeon him about the head and shoulders with that truth every time he starts getting on himself about not giving enough."

"It was nice of the Shirakami to bring this to us so quickly," Tsuru measured out distances with her hand to make certain everything was level and even. "Though I guess they wanted to hurry back with a change of outfits for Nozomi-chan, so it wasn't really out of their way."

"I'm going to have to get on him and sis about not taking spare clothes," Hikari rolled her eyes. "They know Nozomi-chan is a messy eater, and giving her chocolate anything is asking to have a mess erupt. It was rather brilliant how they hid the staining by having both of the little ones wear an apron with the store logo on it, at least."

"Adapt and overcome, it's a necessary skill for any successful businesswoman," Yang shrugged. Looking to her peer, she elbowed Tsuru with a wink, "This was a brilliant plan. Make the first 'date' an outing with Team Rainbow? Nobody can argue against them taking the 'premiere' spot, or say that Kodama jumped the line by having to show that she's all-in. When she drew the smallest number, I swear she was about to ask to start everything over again. The three of us honestly hadn't considered the optics of one of us going before everyone else."

The farmgirl shook her head a rare and wry grin on her face, "It was panic, more than cunning, I promise." Stepping away from the wall and fanning her hands over her face, she tried not to relive the experience, "I completely understand where she's coming from, I would have died if I had set up a plan and, suddenly, random chance made me the winner. But I also would have hated to have to wait until the end just because I was the one to try and implement an idea to be fair to everyone."

"Which is why I chose to pick last," Hikari gave a satisfied nod to the position of the picture. "Because I will do everything I can to make certain that the life I forced us all to endure is as wonderful for everyone as I can." Turning about, she faced the other two women, "I can, and have, found love with nearly all of you. I will not allow him to suffer the indignity of being the only source of joy for this household."

"Speaking _of_ ," Yang bit her lip. "Kinda…wanted to ask about rings…."

Hikari shrugged, "Don't take a gemstone combination that someone else already has, unless you speak to them first. That's really the only rule I have, and it's so Shinji has an easier time finding gifts for us all long term. Some occasions will, in his mind, call for jewelry, and he's the kind of man to take note of what we're already wearing."

The leggy waitress blinked, "So…you're ok with…."

"Do you honestly believe that us having paperwork signed, ceremonies held, is somehow going to make us _more_ tied to him for all time?" Raising her eyebrow sardonically, she snorted, "Really? In my mind, both of you are as married to him as you'll ever be. Everything else is up to what you want. Don't be a bitch, and don't make his life harder by insisting on the same gemstone as another woman unless you're like Maya and I. She wanted the pink, I'm perfectly fine with that. I'd rather have had her wear something like mine," she held up her mother's engagement ring, "maybe reversed. Make sense?"

Tsuru's fingers twitched, "So…is that permission house-wide?"

"The main rule is 'Don't be a bitch', everything else is between you and Shinji," she reaffirmed. "I think it would be polite to speak with the other 'wives', or at least that's what I would do. If all you want is a paper signed and a pair of rings, all the easier on Shinji." Her eyes returned to Yang, "I know you want a full ceremony, and I know the Shirakami will insist on one. A nice Taiwanese-style wedding, in the way your mother will likely insist on, and a day or two with just you and him. If that's what you're asking for, again, see Rule One."

Jumping over and kissing her confusingly labelled fellow polygamist, Yang bounced a few times before breaking back and dancing happily, "You are the best, Hikari. I was thinking about wearing an engagement ring for a while, and having the wedding ceremony after everything with the Angels is over. I totally understand he wants to make everything special for all of us, and that will be hard to do if he sets a date and the next Angel shows up mid-wedding. How terrible would that be for him, for the rest of eternity?"

+++++ Author's Notes:

Timingchameleon:

RE: Asuka.

Many people have posited that she's the 'canary in the coal mine' for most Eva stories. I've tried to work hard to make sure that she stays the same powerful, broken, dynamic figure that was presented in canon. She isn't the type of woman to subordinate herself willingly to _anyone_ , even the man she loves.

RE: Lilith and Eve.

A large part of my desire to write the two stories I have, this one more 'successful' than the first variation, was because there was all of these powerful, more than human, beings out there. I wanted to give them purpose. Build mythologies around their actions. Weave in what we 'believe' to be true. Lily's time isn't yet done with Shinji, and Eve will have her moments before the end.

RE: Shamshel.

That character is…going to be a bit of a base-breaker I think. There are some very not-so-subtle hints I've placed about them, and I'm being (probably too) cautious about how I approach their relationship with Shinji. People, by which I mean my audience, can be incredibly cruel to others and to me. I'm wary of courting that by being 'truthful'.

RE: Tabris.

That poor bastard.

RE: Shinji's self-control.

It's nowhere near as strong as people think.

RE: Toji.

That's going to come back and haunt them, (reasonably) soon.

RE: Rei.

Her soul is confused, as it is a part of an elder being. She's learning how to exist as a fragment of eternity. It's not easy to do. Might end up writing a one-shot about it, placing it outside of Shinji's story.

RE: Nozomi.

Abandonment's a real problem with her, though she doesn't show it often. Probably the one thing she'd never forgive someone for. Odd, though, how she never mentions Suzuka's daughters.

origamishishou:

RE: Yang.

She'd be Grey Order.

RE: SCP.

I can only imagine what the SCP staff would have to do to even contemplate containing one of the Aspects.

TripleF:

RE: Pilots.

So many people to accuse, and yet only one might end up breaking Shinji's heart.

RE: Original work.

I've considered it. I think I need more practice, first.


	132. Chapter 132

+++++ 15th Angel + 2: Saturday (121)

"Honestly, credit for trying should not be dismissed here," Misato sighed. "Yes, she told you to piss off. No, we can't take her at her word. As much as you might not believe me, I'm right there with you. She has suffered her whole life for the Eva project. She has dedicated her entire existence to being this one thing, and right now I'm not even certain we can give her the closure necessary to show _her_ that it was worth the sacrifices."

Maya slowly turned her cup in her hands, considering the nearly ochre liquid within, "What use is a warrior, without a war?"

"Basically." The sub-commander sat back in her chair, kicking her feet up on the desk and deciding that she'd not manage to get anything constructive done while talking on an issue she felt to be more important than ensuring that the underreported overtime was 'appropriate' for the paymaster. With the teams working twice as much and asking for half the pay, it was only her sense of right and wrong that forced her to go through it. "I just wanted her to promise to get help. That's all it would have taken to shift me to supporting her joining, but now she's taking her problems and smearing them all over everything."

"An admission that she understood her problems were not all external, and that she would work with us to develop healthier coping mechanisms," the Chief of the Science division rephrased their joint sentiment. "She's come so far from being the woman I knew, before Shinji came here. She didn't belittle him."

"She ignored her heart," Misato added.

"She didn't physically assault him."

"Just most of the other men that approached her."

Maya frowned, "She changed even more after we got that terrible shard out of her head."

"Still kept ignoring his requests to spend time in the Manor."

"She was lost, scared, and alone. When he went down, she stepped up and insisted that she defend what he could not."

Misato tilted her head, "And when he came back, and asked that she work with Eve to free herself of outside interference, she put her soul into it. To the exclusion of everything else, including him. That's our problem, Maya-bear. She's both bipolar, and monomaniacal. She has never been able to control her fixations, not on people, or things. If we're going to save this, we need to get her to understand that she can expand beyond one friend. We need to push her to see _us_ as friends, not competitors."

"Which is what I'm trying to do. Shinji's her…fixation is a very good word to use." Sipping her coffee-flavored sugar, she hunched down to stretch out her lower back, "I'm just trying to get her to look at me as something more than an appendage to him. She's smart, she's capable, and she's eager to succeed. If I could get her over the need to look down on others, past her insecurities, and temper her monomania…."

"I'd pay you whatever you asked," the violet-haired warrior smiled sadly, staring down at her desk. "Because you could turn that around on any of us. Me, Shinji, Yinghua-chan…. Each one of us is screwed up someway, somehow."

+++++ 15th Angel + 2: Saturday (121)

Rose watched as Lilith slowly approached, "How is everyone?"

"…Well," with an eye towards Tabris, she shook her head.

"That's enough to know," the pink-skinned captain nodded.

Eve waved the pair off, "Please, go put yourselves at ease. Your security team and I can handle monitoring him for a few hours." With a smile that was just barely too friendly, she added to her longtime nemesis, "I have _everything_ under control."

Shinji's offer, the price she had to pay, held the reins on her tongue as the Second Angel's jaw quivered with anger. Keeping her eyes on the alien captain, she forced her tone to remain cordial, "Shall we?"

Rose glared at Eve, feeling the provocation unnecessary, then nodded as she shared a look of curiosity with her current conversational partner, "Of course." Walking far enough away that the sonic shielding they had put in place to keep Tabris from eavesdropping on everyone would muffle their voices, she leaned against the wall, "Credit where it's due. You held your temper."

"She's not bound to him," Lilith ground out. "There is _nothing_ stopping me from killing her."

"Nothing but his opinion of an unprovoked assault on a potential ally," she nodded. "And her use as a potential animator of that red abomination. Unless you know of another manner in which we could field it, she's still useful there as well."

Clenching her eyes shut, the Mother of Night casually obliterated a nearby stalactite with her focused will, "…Entire worlds."

"Not to put too fine a point on things," rolling her hand as she caught the other woman's eyes opening, "your body count exceeds both mine and hers combined. She might have targeted your children specifically, and I may have purged worlds, but you murdered _everyone_."

"I reversed time. They never existed."

"Tell that to Shinji. To Maya. To my crew." While she was not directly antagonistic to the other woman, Rose had no swelling feelings of fellowship with her either, "I survived your purges by lucky chance. As did Shinji." Lifting two fingers, she raised her eyebrow, "This isn't helping you calm down, nor is it giving me information about how everyone is doing. We will likely never see eye to eye on this, so let's not try to hash it out right now."

Another burst of rock, this time a stalagmite, and her eyes opened, "Agreed." A deep breath, accompanying two more explosions, and she clasped her hands before her waist, "He would like me to ask you what I must do…for you to approve him giving me his lusts."

"Maybe discussing the genocide thing isn't so bad after all," she bit down on the side of her tongue, her anger flaring.

"[Song]-"

"Listen, you _bitch_ ," Rose leaned in with flames in her voice. "If he's asking for my approval, you will never have it. If he's asking me to look for something you can do to gain the barest shred of my trust? You have a terrifying road ahead of you. Unlike him, I _know_ why you were never there in those lives he saw. I know the woman that claims to have been changed by his presence. I know every crime you've perpetrated, every sin you've relished in committing, every horror you've visited upon reality. Do you honestly think less than a quarter of a revolution around a middling star in a graveyard of a sector is enough time for me to think you've changed? Do you?!"

Lily's shoulders clenched, the desire to lash out growing, "No. Do you think I trust myself? Do you think I believe that I can go around what I was designed to be?" Her volume grew as she gained steam, "I have brought all of reality together in a single timeline. I have gone blow for blow with both your Judges and Creation itself. I have gifted to what remains now a being that could unify them in purpose and common good. I have _won_!" She punctuated the statement with five more simultaneous explosions. As the dust settled around them, she fought back tears, "It has cost me _everything_. You. You stand where I should be. If you went there, right now, he would bed you without a second thought. You, who ravaged his world in realities uncounted. Who stood atop mounds of ash that were once his family. Who in this very timeline would have handed the greatest man to ever live over to a corrupt and self-serving cabal of murderers! _You_ stand there and speak to me about crimes? About horrors? _About sin?!_ "

"I'm not changing my mind." The wounds that the truth dug in her heart stung all the worse for her lack of an honest retort, "I will not approve of anything. If that means you go without, then you will receive no pity from me. We are allies of convenience, and as much as I have appreciated your efforts at being someone other than who you are…I have far too many memories of your manipulations and conceits." Looking away towards where Tabris sat prisoner, she reluctantly added, "That…does not mean I will stand in the way. If he does not ask my approval, and you find his bed of his own free will…." The hushed buzz of white noise filled in the silence for several moments, "Hurt him, force him, or attempt to change him, and I will not hesitate."

Receiving more than she had honestly expected, but far less than she had hoped for, the impetus for all of reality's current configuration left as quietly as she had arrived. She had nothing more to gain from remaining, and everything to lose by risking temptation.

+++++ 15th Angel + 2: Saturday (121)

Shinji walked into the Blue Crane mid-evening after sending several bags home with explicit instructions that nobody was to open them until he was there to hand out what he'd purchased as gifts from Team Rainbow. Carrying a sleepy Sakura, and trailing Kodama and Nozomi, he caught sight of Jiaxin and smiled with a rueful shrug, inclining his head politely in greeting, "It's good to see you Jiaxin-san."

Receiving a pat on the flank with a menu, the just-barely older than him waitress focused her greeting on her latest family member, "It's good to see you, dear cousin. Don't tell me the hero has been making you walk so far that you've grown tired?"

"I'm," a huge yawn cut off the rest of her sentence.

"She insisted that she be allowed to walk inside the stores," he added by way of explanation as they moved to the back rooms. "She's growing stronger and stronger, I'm very proud of her."

"Auntie Nanako!" Nozomi's cheerful cry drew their attention to the large table, and the people sitting around it. Chugging over and giving an enormous hug, she began to breathlessly regale the patient woman with stories of the day's events.

Gen quickly moved two chairs together into a makeshift bed, waving Shinji over and speaking to Sakura, "Come, little one. There is no shame in taking ease here. He'll be right where you can see him." Stepping aside slightly as Shinji laid down the burden he felt would never be one, the bald warrior was replaced by an increasingly pregnant Yumi who brought Suzuki's coat to lay atop the tired child as a blanket.

Suzuki himself placed a chair for his wife to sit upon right next to the still-recovering youth, "Here you are dear. I'm very sorry, Yinghua-chan, but we must borrow him. Just over there," he gestured to the corner away from everyone, "right in your line of sight."

Standing up straight, Shinji looked between the two men, a small frown asking the question silently. Receiving nearly matching subtle head shakes in reply, he followed them over to the indicated spot as Kodama spoke with Jiaxin to ask for something to drink so that she could give Sakura medication. "Neither of you are filling me with confidence that I should have brought them here tonight."

"We had gathered to discuss our further efforts regarding the Hayakawa child," Suzuki murmured quietly, to avoid drawing young eyes. "Things have not gone as well as we had thought, as a number of…challenges have arisen."

Gen snorted, "Old men set in old ways, uncaring that the world changes rapidly right before their eyes."

Two questions fought for primacy in Shinji's mind, the person he'd known longer winning, "Where is Xuefan? Is she all right?"

"Our friend is arguing with our Elders, making efforts to rally support for your intent," he attempted to reassure Shinji, his faith in the matron of the Blue Crane unwavering.

"As far as 'all right'," Suzuki added, "she's likely as angry as you regarding the whole matter. A child who has been woefully abused is now where she will receive help and affection. Sending her back to the same Family that allowed-"

Shinji cut in, his voice not allowing room for misunderstandings, "She is not going back."

"Xuefan-san agrees, which is why she's arguing her case," Gen attempted to soothe the mountain threatening to loom.

"This is not an 'argument'." The situation triggered far too many of his more deep-seated impulses, "An argument requires that there be two or more sides worth considering. I am stating a fact, _she is not going back._ "

Suzuki, more aware of the politics of the situation than Shinji, tried to help the master he'd sworn himself to understand, "Your Grace…she is _legally_ a ward of the Kinyama. They have documentation that states in the event of her mother's untimely demise, her care was to be overseen by-"

His impatience was growing, "Her mother is dead?"

Gen frowned, "I had thought you had been told, before your feast the other day."

Remembering the number of distractions he'd had during the conversation with Xuefan, Shinji mentally kicked himself for not asking his wife for more details, "Took the 'honorable' way out?"

"That's the story," Suzuki didn't believe she'd been given any choice in the matter.

"Where is she?" Scanning his memory, Shinji realized he didn't even know her name.

"The child is in the room just over there," Gen gestured behind him. "To my knowledge, she's studying."

Extending his awareness, he felt the young woman's song and almost swore as he felt the bland acceptance of what life had given her, "Why are the Shirakami Elders not putting their weight behind this? Do they honestly need the Kinyama that badly?" A new worry jumped the line, "If I find that anyone in the Shirakami is engaged in either child exploitation or extreme operant conditioning there will not be a happy Shinji."

"We would be behind you," Suzuki assured him. "A vile practice, and beneath our dignity. As to your second question, the Kinyama control lands adjacent to ours. An unhappy neighbor makes for an uneasy life, my friend. If the Kinyama refuse to negotiate, the only other option is war."

"It would be a very, very short war." With his hands in his pockets, Shinji's eyes narrowed as he considered the source of the song, "Someone…told me recently…." Letting his gaze fall back on the two men, he shared part of his worry, "I have to defend the good, gentlemen. Laws are good, they provide guidance and protection for the weak. Mindless, slavish, devotion to the law is terrible. Any agreement entered into by a woman who would treat her child like that is not worth the carbon it took to document. If the Kinyama, and the Shirakami, hold themselves above the laws of Japan…then I will operate in that same space."

Gen grimaced, "Might making right is not a good path to walk."

"Motivations matter," Suzuki disagreed. "Were he to demand that you hand over your wife, or he would kill you, that would be worth fighting against. He is insisting a young woman be given a chance to heal, be treated as a human. Our duty is to advise him on the just path to walk, to help him channel his strength towards aiding those just like her. You are opposed to absolutism," he looked to Shinji, "correct?"

"It's rarely useful," the most powerful being on the planet agreed. "As disgusting as it might be, there are always exceptions to be found if you look hard enough. Laws, as I said, are an attempt to protect and guide the weak so that the strong do not overpower them. If Hayakawa-me was sent as the representative of the Kinyama, they knew what she was doing to her daughter. I would never allow someone to speak for me unless I knew their darkest secrets. Whatever Japanese laws they wish to cower behind now do not override the moral laws organizations like theirs are to abide by."

His sworn servant gestured towards him while looking to Gen, "He makes a challenge, according to our laws. We shred the contract as worthless, and tell the Kinyama to declare a champion. They can arm him with whatever they want, and our champion walks over and feeds it to him. The Elders could not deny that would satisfy honor, if their Elders continue to press the point then we know war was inevitable anyway, and we do what we can to limit casualties."

The bald man scrubbed at his scalp, "You would have to declare yourself aligned with the Shirakami, Shinji. You can't act as our champion as a neutral party. Are you ready to take that step?"

"I will share the same standing my wife does," he shrugged. "Though both of you must understand…I will not put up with nonsense. If the Elders won't see reason, I will not quietly accept something simply to spare them embarrassment. I listen to you, both of you, for your wisdom because of your honorable intentions. So far, all I've seen of them is…underwhelming."

Suzuki already had his phone out, dialing as he spoke, "Two officers heard his declaration. I'm using that to pry the meeting open." Turning to walk apart so that he wasn't controlling the social space, he left Gen and Shinji alone.

Gen gripped Shinji's arm firmly, "You may have to kill their champion. You know that, right?"

The young woman's song played in his mind on a loop, "He will have killed himself, if he refuses to surrender before what is right." Trending towards the door to the antechamber where the woman he'd sworn to defend read, he turned and gained Nanako's attention with a small wave, "I want to meet her."

"A sensible idea," he agreed, making room for his wife. "I will entertain the young ones." Meeting Nanako halfway, he whispered a summary in her ear before allowing her to continue onwards.

"Not exactly how I'd hoped you would join us," the kindly lady smiled sadly as she approached to give him a hug.

Accepting the embrace eagerly, Shinji bent and kissed the top of her head, "We accept what we must, to protect those who have no way of protecting themselves. I've missed you, Nana-chan."

Her smile became pleased, "Managing your household's finances is a fulltime occupation, between the fee you insist I accept and the club, I've managed to double my net worth. My husband is beginning to eye my account with nervousness that it may topple over and crush me beneath the pile of money."

"Worth every Yen." Tipping his head towards the door, he moved the conversation along, "If you could ask her," pausing, he emphasized the request, " _ask_ her, if she would be all right meeting me." Staying back so that he didn't appear to block the door, he tried to stamp down the nervousness growing in his gut. _Kodama, please keep the other two out. I don't want them to believe this is normal behavior._

The busty nurse had followed his motions, and understood the basics of his conversation by the way he'd reacted, _Of course, Baby. Yinghua-chan is out like a light, and the Sprout is making her lunch seem like a battle instead of a meal for poor Gen-san._

With the door open, Nanako moving inside to speak to an obviously much younger version of Yuka Hayakawa, Shinji took stock of the room itself. The desk and bookshelf implied that it had long been intended to be used by Yang, or other students, to get some studying done during their shift on breaks. The young woman's posture was immaculate, and had been so even before the door was opened. There was no sign of rushing back to where she was expected, she was simply there already. There was also, he noted, no sign of nervousness or fear. She did not fear what would come through the door, a part of him understood that she likely would not fear a man approaching her with a blade dripping with blood. Fear, in its entirety, no longer existed to her.

"Fuuka-chan," Nanako's voice was pitched in such a way that she could have been speaking to Nozomi or Sakura, and not a woman that he felt was easily half again and more their age, "I'm very sorry to interrupt your studying, but I have a friend I would like you to meet. Would that be all right?"

"Of course, ma'am." Placing a bookmark in the tome she was reading, and closing it with elegant grace, she lifted her chair as she shifted it back, settling it on the floor silently. Turning to present herself for introductions, she stood and clasped her hands before her waist demurely and waited with seeming infinite patience.

"Fuuka-chan, this is Shinji Ikari," waiting for the mountainous man to step into the room, she noted and appreciated how he kept a very respectful distance. "Shinji, this is Fuuka."

"I am very pleased to meet you, Ikari-sama." Bowing, the picture of refinement, the young woman made every motion seem natural despite the agonizing practice that must have gone into producing it, "I am grateful to finally meet you in person, I have been told much about you and studied what was available to me."

Returning the bow, and forgoing the expectations Suzuka had of him for the depth of it, he greeted her as if she were a near-peer instead of a supplicant or 'commoner', "Likewise, Fuuka-san. Though, please, there is no need to honor me so." As he raised back up, he saw a touch of confusion that he only noticed owing to his time around Rei Ayanami. He also began to wonder at how she could be in middle school, looking far too mature for even the highest grade there.

"I understand," it was evident she didn't, "how would you prefer I address you, then?"

"Just Shinji," tucking his hands in his pockets again to avoid balling them into fists, he forced himself to once more lie and pretend there was nothing wrong. "It is my honest hope that we are able to become good friends, and I've learned lately that the best way to do that is to treat each other as good friends do."

A few traces of curiosity showed in her eyes, there and gone before anyone might have picked up on them if they weren't looking, "As you wish." Slightly inclining her shoulders by means of apology, she kept the conversation from stalling as her training would demand, "I apologize that I have nothing to offer as refreshments, my current hosts have insisted that I refrain from aiding them in the kitchens."

"Are you hungry, dear? Thirsty?" Nanako noted the lack of anything in the room, "I had asked that someone bring you some snacks, did they not?"

"My apologies, ma'am," her attention shifted towards the elder in the room, "I declined them. While studying at a location one does not own it is inappropriate to eat, as it might mar your hosts' books or furniture."

The club owner sighed, "These are your books now, dear. We gave them to you so you could keep occupied while we sort out your homeschooling." Turning, she looked to Shinji and tipped her head to the kitchen, "I'm going to go get her something to eat. I'll bring back something for you too, ok?"

Placing a hand on Nanako's shoulder to stop her from moving, he looked to Fuuka, "Are you all right being left alone with me, Fuuka? Or would you prefer that I go and find you something to eat?"

Confusion and curiosity spiked briefly once more, "I would enjoy your company…Shinji." The hesitation over using his name was brief, scarcely of note except to serve as further proof of her unique circumstances.

"I'll be right back," Nanako squeezed his hand, understanding his actions and their intent.

With the door left open, a fact he was grateful for, Shinji smiled his warmest smile for the young woman before him, "I would encourage you to take advantage of the cooking here, it's fantastic. I'd eat here more often myself, but I have way too many obligations to take care of on a day-to-day basis to treat myself like that."

"The meals have been most agreeable," she smiled pleasingly. Gesturing with an open hand to the chair on the other side of the desk, intended for the tutor, she offered what she believed to be the comfort she could, "Would you enjoy taking your leisure with me?"

"Sure," he had to fight against meeting formality with formality. She was trained to behave as she was, and he had to show her that she could be more than that. Pulling the chair out and settling his bulk in it, he waited for her to take her own seat before commenting on the book she had been studying from, "Algebra, hmm? How are you feeling on the material?"

"My new instructor believes that I will progress more readily with a different lesson plan," an echo of frustration found itself on her brow, there and gone in an instant. "She insists on placing my failures upon my previous tutor's shoulders."

"I wouldn't worry," laughing dryly, he remembered his own scholastic struggles, "I was seventeen before I understood a lot of the basics. My sensei, the man who I lived in the house of for most of my life, wasn't the best at teaching maths or sciences either. It really can be a matter of finding the right combination of teacher and presentation. You have a few years before you're as old as I am, so you've still got time to succeed. Promise."

"I apologize," her face assumed a bearing of deep regret, "I had been told that you were currently seventeen. Might I ask your age?"

Shinji tilted his head, "I am seventeen," _at least, physically,_ "why?"

Regret faded, replaced with the tint of confusion once more, "I will be seventeen in thirty six days."

 _Control it,_ Kyoko laid against his back heavily as his eye began to throb. _You're going to scare her. You need to push the anger through me. I can handle it. Let me be angry for the both of us._ Kissing his neck, she covered the eye prone to bursting aflame with one hand, _You're doing fine, ask her some more questions. Get to know her. We both believe she deserves better than she's received, we're both going to insist she not be mistreated._

His rage began to subside as the spirit attached to his soul drew on its source, replacing it with affection and desire, "I see. Thirty six days would be…ah, you were born on New Year's Day? That's lucky, you'll always be surrounded by people celebrating." _I should have killed her accursed mother myself._

 _Calm,_ she switched to rubbing her cheek against his. _Regret is a vile poison, and both of us know it._

"I have yet to experience such celebrations, though if you believe we should engage in such I will make suitable efforts towards organizing what you believe to be proper," the mental convolutions Fuuka underwent to avoid 'negating'-type words was obvious. "I am afraid I have little experience with budgets, though."

"That won't be a concern," _I will fix this, Kyoko._ "Between the Shirakami and I, I'm pretty sure that we'll be able to arrange for a great time." Futzing with his sleeve to keep his hands from bunching into fists, he grinned with enthusiasm he did not feel, "Do you have any hobbies? Anything you like to do?"

Once more the hesitation occurred as she formulated an answer around concepts that she could not quite understand, "I am afraid that my studies have left little time for leisure."

"I see, I see," _How am I not a towering inferno of rage right now? I want to punch mountains in space, Kyoko._ "Well, I'm sure you haven't been studying all day here, right?"

 _Because Arael has been teaching me how to fulfill my duty. Though I think we're going to have some problems here in not too long._ Her breathing, a subconscious reflex rather than a physical need, had become staccato, _I should be able to hold it together for a while…but please, a little time in your soul later would be lovely. I don't want to yell in public, even though most of them can't hear me._

"I…have been reading…." Opening her mouth, then closing it immediately, her eyes seemed to flick in time with her racing thoughts before she leaned forward and asked sotto voce, "Ikari-sama…are you…are you affiliated with my mother?"

Crushing the reflexive emphatic denial as well as the urge to insist she keep calling him by his name, he continued to lean on his spirit guide, "No, Fuuka, I am not. I met your mother the once, not too long ago, and did not speak with her afterwards. I am here because I had heard my dear friend Xu Xuefan had taken you in, at my request. I wanted to make certain that you were being treated as I knew you would be, and to make sure you were adapting to your new environment." Looking down at his hands, clasped lightly on the desk, he added, "To be honest, I had thought you to be much younger, based on your mother's words to me."

Nodding slowly, she absorbed his statements uneasily, attempting to place them in the hierarchy that was her life's history, "So you are Shirakami?"

"No, I am affiliated loosely, but I do not bend my knee to their Elders. Xuefan-san, Nanako-san, they are my dear friends. Suzuki-san, Gen-san, are people who have helped me learn how to fight, how to be a better man. Yumi-san, outside, there," he gestured to the pregnant woman who was idly soothing Sakura's hair while Gen gently played with a rapidly tiring Nozomi, "is also someone I am coming to trust."

Nanako took this opportunity to arrive with tea and a light meal for both teens, "Sorry that took so long, Fuuka-chan. You would not believe how busy they are tonight," winking at Shinji she added, "I think someone showing up has brought more clientele."

"There should only have been about twenty," he frowned. "Believe me, I tried to talk them down further, but with Team Rainbow at stake they wouldn't hear of it."

"Thank you, ma'am," Fuuka retreated back into formality at the interruption.

Moving around behind their guest, Nanako demonstrated an ability Shinji hadn't known she had and used Sign to mention, _Keep talking. Sorry. She open you._ "It's no problem at all, Sweetie. Now, I'm going to go back out and make sure my husband isn't helping Nozomi-chan plot a coup. Let me know if you need anything, ok?"

"We will," Shinji nodded, understanding his role. With the door once again left open, Shinji consciously relaxed, _Kyoko…I owe you._

 _Just…just a little time in your soul. An hour as far as time in there is concerned…maybe two?_ The black-haired spirit's voice was strained, _Not much, right?_

 _I'll give you three, once we're not here._ Noticing that Fuuka sat with her hands in her lap, specifically not looking at her food but instead smiling with her default expression at him, he took the lead, "Why don't we eat?"

"As you wish," inclining her head, she delicately picked up her utensils and took an overly lady-like portion into her mouth.

Chewing idly on his own offering, he silently tapped his foot in common four-four to keep time. He could remember, clearly, his own lessons in how to properly eat. Small bite, numerous chews, swallow, wait three measures, repeat. Exactly on cue, at the tail end of the third measure, she sectioned off another miniscule portion and placed it lightly in her mouth. After three repetitions of this circuit, he gestured to the tea, "I hope you like it, I think Nana-chan chose this because it's what I had here last time."

She swallowed, imperceptibly, and waited a two count before replying to be certain her mouth was empty, "I believe it is of an excellent quality. The establishment clearly prides itself on the small details that make up the larger presentations."

 _Neither of those statements answered the question, she doesn't like it._ "Yeah, not my favorite either." Anger had subsided, replaced by sadness and determination, "So, I'm going to go ahead and admit something. I hope, really, really hope, that by admitting this you'll understand where I'm coming from and perhaps you'll see that what I'm doing is not what I think you think I'm doing. If that made any sense." Asking Sachiel to erase the liquid in their cups, he filled them with plain water. As her eyes widened slightly, her training forcing her to moderate her amazement, he sighed, "So, I'm…well, I'm familiar with what you're going through. I won't compare our situations, because ultimately only you can ever know what you've survived. Here you sit, eating with a stranger, having to act as if you weren't lost without a single idea of how to continue." Shifting her cup closer to her with invisible strands of Bardiel's hair, he kept his hands clasped loose and unthreateningly, "Trying to feel out what I might want of you, because _everyone_ wants something of you. That's just how life is, isn't it?"

That she didn't tremble was a credit to her reserves. The way she looked between the cup and him, as if she hadn't just witnessed the kind of magic that few living humans had ever seen, screamed that she wanted to say something but couldn't seem to think of what exactly that was. "My apologies, have I done something offensive?"

"No, Fuuka," he shook his head sadly. "You're retreating into the familiar now. If you can't understand something, and you can't think of how to react without doing what will end with someone hurting you somehow, you apologize and claim fault. That was my favorite dance too." Sharing his warm smile, he tilted his head slightly, "Earlier, you wanted to know if I was Shirakami. Why?"

"…What…what will you do with me?" This wasn't the answer to his question, though it felt as if it were related.

Hefting his shoulders, he let his hands spread slightly, "Support you in rebuilding your life. Help encourage you to discover who you are in your heart. Provide whatever motivation you feel works best to get you to see yourself as more than you were trained to see yourself as. If you'd prefer, I can disappear and never see you again. I will, however, destroy anyone who thinks to harm you, anymore. What protection I can offer from the world as you find your own feet, is yours."

It was the casual way he stated these truths that furthered her confusion, "I…I was told…."

Suzuki ducked in, an apology spread across his face as he spoke, "I beg your pardon, Your Grace. I _need_ to speak with you." Looking briefly to Fuuka, he tried to smile comfortingly, but mostly just looked sickly, "Sorry, Fuuka-chan."

Standing slowly, not wanting to risk startling the already unsteady woman before him, Shinji bowed politely, "Please, make certain to eat until you are full. If you want mine, feel free." Walking away, he laughed quietly, "Believe it or not, I don't actually need to eat anything. I just do it to put people at ease."

+++++ 15th Angel + 2: Saturday (121)

Reaching Xuefan's office, walking calmly behind Suzuki and Gen, Shinji nodded in greeting to the two big men whose names he'd not learned that acted as the Shirakami Matriarch's body servants, and received a grateful bow in return. Seeing her looking like he'd felt before Kyoko drained his anger, he set out front what he'd said earlier, "I will murder them all myself, Xuefan. If what you are about to say will infer that they are insisting to lay legal claim to her, I will make certain that no Kinyama remains to act upon that claim."

Suzuki eyed him sidelong, then held his hands out helplessly, "I don't believe stopping him from doing that would be simple. I think if it weren't for Nozomi-chan being here it'd be impossible."

The big woman didn't pull her punches, "Love at first sight?"

"If it wasn't you asking I'd ask if you intended to be insulting," the putative god shook his head. "She is a prisoner in her own mind. She's lost, confused, and scared. Romance is the furthest thing from my mind right now."

"Good," relief briefly crossed her face before the iron set back in. "She's beautiful, and vulnerable. Too many young men would jump at that opportunity, not enough think through what would follow from that."

"She needs to be speaking with a therapist. Those aren't welcome around the Manor, which means that it's not the place for her." Rolling his hand, he wanted to hurry things along, "If I have to depopulate cities, I'd really like to get on with it. Why did you pull me out just when she was about to ask for help?"

"The Kinyama are insisting that the challenge happen tonight, or that we surrender her now." Looking him over, she shook her head, "This was not what I had hoped for."

Shinji shook his head slowly, "I believe that will be the title of my biography. It summarizes everything so well." Holding his hand up for patience, he closed his eyes and sent to the lady nearby that could hear him, _Kodama, I'm sending you home with the little ones. I'm sorry…something Shirakami has come up. I have to explain to a group of people that slavery is not only immoral but unhealthy for the slavers when the good guys find out about it._

His wife's reply was irritated, _I was hoping to have some more time with you tonight, this is the second time 'something Shirakami' has stopped me from taking you home and showing you how much I love you._

 _When I get home, I'll need a shower. You and I will spend some time alone, soothing my nerves and cleaning my hair. I'll let you wash it thoroughly._

There was a slight hesitation, _Are you bringing home another one?_

 _Not if I can help it,_ he assured her. _Kodama, she is a victim. She doesn't need hugs and kisses from me, she needs professional therapy and the freedom to find a life that was nearly denied to her. Will we be supporting her? Yes. Am I bonding her? Not if I can help it._

She sighed, _Hard to say 'No' to my question, when you consider your track record of not wanting what life insists you have anyway._

 _I don't regret you,_ the statement was as sudden as it was heartfelt. _I am blessed beyond reason to have you in my life, Kodama. Never doubt that._ Opening his eyes and lowering his hand, his face became grim, "Let's get this over with."

+++++ 15th Angel + 2: Saturday (121)

 _I should be there,_ Suzuka stressed in irritation. _You are entering an official challenge for the Shirakami, and you are doing so without your weapon, or your Weapon, present._

 _If I need you, or my spear, to defeat a human being, we are all going to die when Tabris attacks,_ Shinji put his foot down. _I plan on walking over, with Sahaquiel shielding me, and disarming the man. Literally, if necessary. A part of me is shocked they're accepting this challenge at all. They have to know they don't have anyone who's a match for me._

Her response was as quick as it was biting, _Which is why I should be there, and not sitting in my bed wearing down the grip on my sword,_ dear _._

 _If this turns sideways, I can summon you instantly._ From where he lay in the empty field gazing up at the stars twinkling with cold, dispassionate light, he could feel the anger his wife had for his answers, _Suzi, I told you what was happening because I love you and know that you would slap me repeatedly if you hadn't agreed not to in my soul if I failed to. Believe me, the ass-chewing I'm expecting from Kiyomi, Misato, and the Commander is going to be more than enough misery for me doing what's right. Can we perhaps not add to it right now?_

The delay hung heavy with a mix of emotions, _…I want a kiss when you return._

 _Two, but only that. I've promised some time to Kodama, to make up for cutting short our family outing._ He felt unfamiliar songs approaching, _I have to go. They're here. I promise, this goes wrong you'll be the first to know._ Gaining his feet slowly, he sized up the four men approaching, "None of them are fighters."

Gen simply grunted, agreeing with his student's assessment.

Suzuki muttered quietly, "This is a trap of some sort."

Xuefan, acting as the voice for the Shirakami organization, addressed her counterpart from the Kinyama, "Have you brought the papers? I'd truly rather not have to send over some of my people to gather them up while you bury what's left of whichever of the four of you decides they're tired of living."

The representative of the Kinyama, a scarred man with half of his body covered in art, waggled a scroll case, before handing it to another man and waving him over, "Let her review it. I'll hear no talk of my people lacking honor from dogs who send women to do their barking."

All three of the Shirakami-aligned men present remained silent, Gen and Suzuki too experienced to rise to the bait, and Shinji marking the distance between him and the speaker should the man choose to impugn his friend again. A light weight alighted on his shoulder, though he kept his eyes on the man approaching, _Arael, is Creation going to try and push me bonding Fuuka-chan?_

 _It is possible,_ the Aspect of Birds huffed. _There are blank spaces, Wanderer. Creation does not appreciate emptiness. It desires things to be as they should, not as they may be._

 _If I stay away from her?_ Watching Xuefan, he noted that she agreed with whatever was written down, then turned his attention back to the potential threats, _Creation can't bond her to me from that far, right? I keep my distance, it gets the message that I'm not interested._

Arael cawed out a laugh, _You are interested. You wish to protect her. To shelter her. To give her those things she has lacked. Do not speak from both sides of your mouth, Wanderer. Your interest in her may be motivated by desire to heal, but interest you have regardless._

He couldn't easily disagree, and her perspective was just as valid as his own in the situation, _Distance?_

 _Will you order her kept from you? You must be proactive, and not simply attempt to control your own actions. Will you order your followers, as a ruler ought to, or will you allow them to do as they will, permitting chaos and disorder to reign unopposed?_ Batting him with her wing, she pressed the point, _You ask me questions that you yourself could answer, and that is irrational._

"Are you ready, _Your Grace_ ," the Kinyama speaker layered the title with contempt.

Dismissing his confidant and keeping his voice low, Shinji answered his passenger through action, "Gen, Suzuki, if things go sideways get Xuefan and get out of here. Lightning isn't necessarily precise, and Ramiel will be very enthusiastic in clearing things out." Receiving twin grunts of understanding, he strode forward and addressed the speaker, "Please, just Shinji." His knife whispered from its sheathe as he focused on the Kinyama approaching him, "I'm nobody special." Squaring up against his opponent, he sensed an oddity in the man's song, something that just didn't quite register as it ought to in his mind.

"Oh, we'd disagree," the duality of the man's voice was barely enough warning. Drawing a heavy pistol, the man depressed the trigger.

Time slowed for Shinji as he _knew_ Sahaquiel would be of no use. Whatever trickery the being before him was engaged in, it was done with confidence that the A.T. Field and any other defenses he engaged would be useless. The click of the hammer striking down, setting off the primer's controlled explosion, was matched with the putative god leaning forward and charging. Angling the knife Vidar had gifted him to deflect the projectile into the ground, in an effort to prevent ricochets harming his allies, he made it three steps before contact.

The feeling of the bullet striking the blade numbed his hand. The physics at play made no sense to his mind, though the greater part was focused on the task of not being struck by what would likely result in a great deal of pain. Repositioning his hand to send the second where the first now headed, he was two thirds of the way to his challenger. He admired the pistol from a mechanical standpoint, it was a finely-crafted instrument of death that was far more suited to someone of Toshiro's build than the man before him. With the second bullet safely dispatched, he reached the man before the third could be fired, severing his arm at the wrist and clamping down on the handgun to prevent any misfires.

The other Kinyama made to move, whether to attack or aid their whimpering fellow he could not say, and Shinji barked out, "Stand still!" A clap of thunder followed the words, Ramiel primed to eradicate anyone that acted without official sanction. "Move, and I will consider it a hostile action and defend myself." Using Sachiel's Song to wash his blade clean, he sheathed it and freed the man's hand which had remained attached to the handgun. _Ireul, is he a Scion agent?_ Using bands of Bardiel's hair, he formed a tourniquet and stopped as much of the blood from escaping from the stump as he could.

 _Possessed, similar to your ally, or the attempt at controlling you._ The Aspect of Terror remained in his soul, not eager to approach the situation at the moment, _My love, those are-_

 _I know._ He could feel it himself, "It's going to be one of those nights." Summoning an enormous pile of ice on the ground beside them, he tossed the hand into it and dumped more on top to keep it from beginning to decay, _Lily, I…will exchange some affection for some assistance. Please, help me save this idiot._

Landing on his shoulder, visible to everyone around her, the eldritch being smiled contemptuously, "I will thank you for your stupidity, as it has served something of a useful purpose. In gratitude, I will give you back your colleague's mind. However," she snapped her fingers and the Kinyama challenging Shinji collapsed to the ground, twitching, "I'm not going to be gentle about it."

Drawing out the magazine, the sensation of wretched wrongness crawled through his soul, "…The Spear." Glowing in a light only beings like him or the one upon his shoulder could see, bullets tipped with red and grey fragments of a weapon that should never have been found by mankind sat ready to be fired from a different weapon that had proven the most efficient type of armament mankind had produced. "Suzuki, Gen, please relieve them of anything that they might hurt themselves with."

The voice of the Kinyama tried to cover over his awe and fear, "Our deal-"

"Ended the moment We were assaulted by treachery," Shinji cut over his bluster with a quiet calm. "Continue speaking, and We will kill you on principle. You stand upon Our lands, as given to Us by His Imperial Majesty. Your crimes are sufficient to warrant Our attention, do not test Our patience." _Lily, if they twitch wrong, kill them,_ he began to move towards Xuefan.

 _With pleasure,_ the Matron of Night purred.

Holding out the handgun, he cautioned his friend, "There's still one in the chamber, please rack the slide, I need to have you put that last one back in this magazine." When she frowned slightly, confused as to why he wouldn't do it himself, he explained in a lower voice, "These are non-standard and would likely either kill me or at the least paralyze me on contact. Not handling them at all is safest, don't you think?"

"They're clear, Your Grace," Suzuki called, maintaining a vigil on the opposing force.

"Hold onto the magazine, if you would," Shinji left the danger where it was least likely to interact with the otherwise mundane weapon he dropped into his pocket. Turning from Xuefan, he approached Gen, who showed him the small arsenal they'd relieved the Kinyama of.

The bald man was ill-content, "Realizing that they're not likely to become our friends no matter what we do, none of them attempted to interfere. Is there a reason we're treating them like a defeated enemy instead of an honored foe?"

"Those bullets would have punched through any defense I could erect," the simple explanation gained the man's attention, and worry. "I don't sense anything from these," looking up to his shoulder, he asked for a second opinion, "Lily?"

"No, the Key is not present." Looking back to her 'patient', she frowned, "This infection has been festering for some time." Rolling backwards off his shoulder, she approached the still twitching man and idly began extracting fragments from his head.

"Return their weapons. I can defend against these." Walking over with his ally, Shinji directed his attention back to the three still-standing Kinyama, "We will ask politely, once. Where did he come by this weapon," pulling out the empty handgun, he waggled it, "and the ammunition he used."

Surprised at the return of his knife, the speaker for the now-trio frowned, "He…came with it. I'd assume his place." Looking between Shinji and Suzuki, his brow knit, "He's going to bleed out."

"I'm keeping him alive," Lily waved nonchalantly.

"We are going to direct an investigation of his 'place'. Gen, Suzuki, please recover the two spent bullets and then see to that." Turning the weapon he held about, he handed it properly to the speaker for the Kinyama, "Once his mind is his own again, you may take him and his hand to whatever hospital you choose. Fuuka Hayakawa is now under Our protection, and you have Our gratitude for your cooperation tonight."

Slowly, habitually not seeking to seem aggressive against a larger predator, the man took the offered weapon and ducked his head, "My…apologies, for the gamesmanship earlier. I hope you understand that I was just trying to help my man as I could."

Shinji tucked his hands back in his pockets, "A ten thousand Yen donation to a local temple…and buy a gift for your mistress. Something tasteful. Then We'll forgive you."

"Boss," one of the other men glanced askance at him, "I thought you told Shiori-san that you let Tamiko-chan go."

The speaker looked down, "And you can read minds. Great." Taking a deep breath, he wagged his knife at his junior, "I thought I told you to keep your fucking mouth shut? I don't answer to you. Go get the car, bring it here. Aunty will kill the three of us if we don't at least try to bring her nephew back alive."

Leaving his vanquished foes alone, Shinji crouched down by Lilith, _How much longer?_

 _Oh, I've been done for some time, his mind isn't exactly complex. I was just enjoying watching you finally exercise authority over lesser men,_ looking up with a saucy wink, she stood and brushed her dress off. "So long as your doctor is not a complete idiot, they should be able to reattach that hand. I'd recommend being cautious, though. He's a bleeder."

 _Stop taunting the defeated,_ Shinji sighed. _Let's get going. I have a list of debts to pay off, and only so much evening left._

+++++ 15th Angel + 2: Saturday (121)

"Well," Eve let loose a long-suffering sigh, "I had hoped that we wouldn't have to stoop to such distasteful methods."

"No, you didn't," Tabris rolled his eyes. "You've been looking forward to this."

"No, I haven't. But if it helps you endure what's about to happen," crooking her finger, she set her prisoner to screaming in agony. Looking over to Rose, she smiled with sincere hope, "Any luck with your sensors, dear?"

Watching a helpless being suffer did not sit well with the captain, even one she would murder in cold blood if the situation called for it, "No. Whatever he's done with it, the signal is too diffuse to properly track. The ambient radiation from the planet itself is overwhelming it."

Clicking her tongue in frustration, she turned back to her victim, "That's a shame. I doubt he'll actually give us anything useful."

Rose's brow knit, "Then why are you torturing him?"

"Because he has armed savages with the equivalent of your [Song], my dear. While they might not decide to attempt to analyze and mass produce these armaments, the Spear was large enough that they should have tens of thousands of these bullets." Eve's voice darkened as she increased the pain her son endured, "These Scions he cooperated with, the Lilin who do not seek to do good deeds, any random person on this planet. He has gifted them a weapon capable of murdering a man who may one day allow me to love him as much as he now loves me." Releasing her hold on Tabris, she added, "You need to redouble your effort, my dear. There is little I can do to help now. Your ship and crew may yet succeed where my abilities never could."

"Ohhhh," the Seventeenth Angel groaned in amused agony, "this was worth it just to hear her admit she's useless above the apex of her legs."

Another sigh, and Adam's second wife returned to her new hobby. "Do hurry, my dear Rose. It is no understatement to say that the fate of all of creation may rest on your shoulders now."

+++++ 15th Angel + 2: Saturday (121)

Gesturing to the magazine on the coffee table, Shinji kept his voice lowered as he spoke to those few women he wished to burden with the information, "The bullets will punch through any A.T. Field. If successfully lodged in the core of an Angel, they would reduce it to LCL. If stuck inside of Lilith, it would force her into stasis. I have no idea what it would do to me."

"Neither of us do," Lily added. "He's a hybrid, and the math gets very fuzzy when you have no idea what variables may be hidden in the formula."

Ritsuko plucked one of the expended bullets from the table, unmarred despite having been impacted by his knife and the ground, looking at the craftsmanship, "It's been machined. Rather precisely, actually. That it hasn't deformed at all after impacting the ground is worrying, but not necessarily surprising. I'll need to take it to NERV and run some tests to determine for certain but I'd guess there could be at least thirty to forty thousand bullets of this size made from the reported mass of the Spear of Longinus."

Xuefan, having insisted that she be involved in the preliminary discussions, swore under her breath, "And now the Kinyama know these are worrisome. This information is going to spread throughout the underworld by the end of the night, there's no way to contain it. People will be looking for these, and whoever has been supplying them isn't looking for money. This is a move intended to sow chaos."

"Oh, those four won't remember anything," Lily waved away that concern. "As far as they know, they showed up, the idiot lost his hand, they handed over the paperwork, and were treated rather graciously by a wise and noble god." Catching Shinji's sigh of relief, she patted his back, "I had intended on doing that from the start. None of them knew where he got these," she gestured to the bullets, "and the idiot's mind was more or less a mess following the Scion's attempt at brain surgery."

The proprietress of the Blue Crane frowned, "Am I going to forget I know you?"

"Oh, no dear. You're a very good friend of the family, and I wouldn't go messing around in your head. Idiots and wastrels are one thing, but those who dedicate themselves to defending Shinji are quite another." Smiling pleasantly, she spread her hands, "I am sorry that it has taken us so long to meet, because I do appreciate everything you've done to make his life easier."

Misato pulled out her own sidearm and ejected the magazine, taking out one of the cartridges she preferred to use and comparing its weight against the type Ritsuko offered her, "They're light, for the caliber. I assume the overcompensating idiot had a gun the size of his arm, looking at the size of the round." Setting the two cartridges side by side, she shook her head, "My USP is chambered for a forty five ACP, this guy was either a gorilla or lucky to not to dent his forehead with the first shot."

"I think he had assistance," Shinji flexed his hand, remembering the feel of the round striking his blade. "When I blocked the shot, I could feel my hand losing sensation. Whatever is propelling these, I think it might be violating physics."

Suzuka, who had remained quiet, tilted her head slightly, "Would you mind going outside with me for a moment, dear heart?"

"No hitting," Misato stated without looking up from the cartridges sitting on the table.

Shinji, however, understood her intent, "We need to figure out if I'm weakened in their presence, Misa-chan." His eyes unfocused, "Like that one American superhero character that Nicki thinks is ridiculous." Shaking off the memory, he stood slowly, "I'm ready if you are, Little Deer."

+++++ 15th Angel + 2: Saturday (121)

Slowly wrapping a cloth around her wrist to keep one of the fragments of the Spear of Longinus close by, Suzuka paused as her husband leaned in, then lifted her chin and accepted the kiss, _Thank you. I am still absolutely livid._

 _I know,_ he accepted her anger as the price of loving her, _but I was able to handle the physical threat myself, and my spear likely would have only slowed me down_. _As wonderful as it would be to have you by my side at all times, I took care of the situation._ _I'm considering asking if Kyoko can do for you what she did for me._

 _I can try,_ the spirit seemed extremely tired as she appeared, laying on her side as she floated out of the way of the forthcoming test. _Later. Right now, I'm waiting as patiently as I can._

 _What magic did she perform, that you remain so detached?_ Suzuka accepted that her husband was a capable warrior, but she was most concerned about how he'd remained calm when his instinctive reaction was to stress and worry over every small thing someone else thought of his actions, _Is it permanent?_

 _No,_ Kyoko drew the word out. _I've got my hand over the faucet, and can only hold for so long. He has things to handle, however, and I am a big girl who can wait patiently._

"Let's move along," summoning his spear, he held himself ready to defend against a heavy blow. "If you break my guard, we'll know what happened. Otherwise, back to the drawing board."

Nodding once, the eternal warrior raised one eyebrow, "I hit you because we have agreed to do so. Because we are both trained, competent, practitioners of our arts. And, because I wish to know that you will remain safe when we face this terrible new world together. Despite that, not because, I am furious with you."

"I love you more than words can express," he nodded in return. "I am blessed that you fight valiantly to overcome your unfortunate flaw in the same way I am fighting to express myself more fully to you."

The following blow drove him back more than a meter, digging trenches in the ground as the soft earth was unable to support the titanic weight of an enraged killer driving all of her considerable force against an immovable mountain of a man. The echoing report of weapon against weapon was heard for a kilometer in every direction, and yet…. "Hmph," replacing her blade in the loop she kept for holding it, she bunched her lips off to one side, "anything?"

Shinji banished his spear, flexing his hand again, "Nothing." Holding up a hand, he corrected himself, "Not that I'm eager to try again, because that was a lot more power than you've used in the past, but it's not numb."

 _My sister and I believe you're protecting your weapons with the light of your soul,_ Ireul faded into existence nearby. _Against your Weapon, it is a battle of wills between her soul and yours. Against the fragments of the Key, it is a matter of your physical strength against that which the fragment can summon. Arael and I have spent long enough consulting on this occurrence that we believe this the likely answer._

Suzuka drew him down into another kiss, _Which I believe would mean that you are physically strong enough to block bullets using an appropriate form. Proof positive, if any existed, that you are special…Little Bear._

Ireul smirked, _You both are. Your Weapon grows as you do, your strength is hers. The bonds between you are far deeper than the spirit, far stronger than the flesh. I remain eager to hold your children in my arms, to sense their potential for myself._

Letting him stand tall once more, she warmed as he kept his hands on her belly, _They are his children, my friend. Their potential will be limitless._

 _Our, not mine,_ he disagreed. _Thank you for explaining, Iri. Was there something else you needed?_ He hated to seem eager to leave everyone, but had promised his time to a number of people already.

 _I had wished to speak for a time with your Weapon, my love. While your Fury may not be able to help her at the moment with the anger dear Suzuka is experiencing, I have some practice at the art myself. Not nearly as effective, but I would not see your children suffer for the mother's unfortunate situation._ The one-eyed Aspect looked to the willowy swordswoman, _If that meets with your approval, of course. You are your own woman._

 _I am his woman,_ Suzuka batted away the attempted balm. _I am also mature enough to understand that I cannot always get what I desire. Let us have words, Iri. I will not shy away from good company out of foolish pride._

"I'll leave you to it then," Shinji snuck in a third kiss before turning and moving back towards the house to converse specifically with the latest person to become tethered to him. _I'll wash off with Kodama, try and relax. Once I'm in there, you can let go of whatever it is you're holding in, right? Maybe get some rest in my soul while you wait for me to give her the time I owe her?_

Kyoko floated to his back, resting her upper torso on his shoulder, _No. I'll just end up ruining your time with her. When I let go, Arael is concerned you'll collapse in on yourself. It's why I need_ us _to be in your soul. I'll spend time with you, soothing what I held in. You'll spend time with me, stopping me from ruining my relationships with the Aspects. I'm a lot of a bitch when I'm angry, meine Mausbärchen. It didn't happen often, but when I became angry I know I became completely unreasonable._

The experiences he had with Asuka, the way her anger tended to remove her ability to see reason even if that reason agreed with the thing she was angered over, informed his change in plans. Walking past the ongoing conversation between the women regarding the best way to attempt to limit the damage done to their defensive strategies and to utilize the intelligence resources they had at hand, Shinji made his way to Kodama's room, where she'd retreated to as soon as he'd come home. Forgoing knocking, at her request, he slipped in and caught sight of a woman he'd never tire of seeing smile.

"Hey, Baby," hurrying over with their towels in hand, she hopped up on her toes and pressed a kiss to his lips. "How much longer? I've been taking care of restocking and cleaning while I waited, is everything ok?" She caught sight of Kyoko as the spirit listlessly floated past, and frowned with concern.

"We'll spread the word about tonight's discoveries once we're certain we're confident of the facts," he assured her. Dramatically overshooting the time she thought he'd need, he tried not to give short shrift to either of the women's needs, "Can you give me ten more minutes? I'm going to head into my soul with Kyoko. She siphoned off my anger, helped me keep a clear head. If I don't take care of helping her release it, she might not be able to hold on long enough to allow you and I to enjoy any time together in peace."

"Well," pouting slightly, she shrugged, "if you agree to hold me while I sleep in here tonight for at least a few hours, I'll be fine waiting…say, twenty minutes?"

"Deal," he saw no reason to end the evening on a combative note, nor any downside to ending what should have been a full date in the way Kodama would desire. That she both offered and asked for something furthered his confidence that his plan would work. "Where do you want me to put myself," he gestured around the room, "so that I'm not in your way and causing you to trip over me?"

Gesturing to her desk, she offered her chair, "Lay your head down, or sit back, whichever. I can work around you easily there."

Settling his bulk in the seat, he nodded his thanks, "You're a wonderful woman, Kodama Ikari. I'm lucky to have you in my life." With his heart placed out for her, he closed his eyes and drew himself and Kyoko into his soul.

+++++ Author's Notes:

TheHiddenLettuce: RE: What's next.

Leaning towards Shinji x Sailor Moon. Might instead do a Shinji x Hikari pure action-adventure-romance in a world similar to Dark Tower. I recently re-read the work I'd started on NGE x X-Men and remembered how much I loved my take on Shinji Ikari as Scott Summers. Then, and this would be the most ambitious, there's the rewrite of the original preparation of this story. It took a much different path, was covering much different ground. Finally, fatally, people have been trying to convince me to write an original work for a publisher. I personally think they're insane.

Ghost Man: RE: The Dancer.

Nicolette. I'm still looking at setting out that chart for people to reference the titles.

origamishishou:

RE: Kyoko's NERV-endings.

She's able to do a lot more than she's currently able to accomplish. Including, but not limited to, more tangible interactions with the world around her. She's new to the whole ghost thing, and isn't quite at spinning pottery on a wheel yet.

RE: Death of a Child.

I think I read that one. If I remember correctly, it's the one that ends up as Shinji x (a very OOC) Rei, with Misato and Asuka being banished to the Shadow Realm after Asuka is…assaulted by a hobo that she thinks is Kaji. Without casting judgement on the author, I'm going to agree that the story was certainly 'a ride'.


	133. Chapter 133

+++++ 15th Angel + 2: Saturday (121)

"She was super sad looking," Nozomi sat in Kelly's lap, post-bedtime story. "I'm glad nii-san was talking to her, because she looked super lonely too. Do you think she might be able to come live with us? Then she wouldn't be lonely anymore."

The redheaded former naval officer smiled with a shrug, "Who knows what life will bring us, little one? I certainly never thought that I would have the chance to live with such wonderful people myself." Tickling the lone remaining Horaki, she fought away her own anxiety over the potential response to her recent letter to the Church, "I certainly never thought I'd have an adorable child to read stories to." Her phone chirping with the tone it used to indicate a newly arrived important message distracted her, allowing Nozomi to escape.

"What is it?" Dancing a little, she encouraged her evening's storyteller to pick up her phone, "Go ahead! That's the important one. It's not the nii-san one, or the one that makes you clench your jaw."

"I should hire you to watch people for me," Kelly laughed as she pulled out her electronic tether to the world. "If you've already figured out my ringtones, you should be able to tell me…." Rereading the short message, her laughter faded to bewilderment, "Already?"

+++++ 15th Angel + 2: Saturday (121)

Landing in the portion of his soul that was now wholly dedicated to existing as whatever Kyoko wished it to exist as, Shinji looked around and nodded in approval, "This is actually-"

"You have got to be the biggest _verdammt_ Idiot I have ever met!" Stamping her foot, the black-haired mother of Asuka leaned forward with her fists balled and flared out to her sides, "The entire world on your shoulders, and you play Chicken with a hand cannon?!"

The part of Shinji that reflexively cowered from angry women, and especially from angry women that looked a great deal like the preeminent angry woman he knew, seemed to be stuck in the 'off' position, "It wasn't the smartest move, I agree." Rolling his hand, he affected a 'what can you do' air, "But, I couldn't ask anyone else to risk their lives when I should have been able to simply deflect the bullets with Saha-chan. Our daughter is far sturdier than she looks."

Pointing at him, her eyes narrowed, "Our daughter should have tried to help you, you imbecile!" Stepping forward and jabbing him in the sternum, she huffed, "What would have happened to her if you got hit, hmm? What about _me_?! You're not the only one in here, you know that, right?"

"It is unfortunate, that you're stuck with someone who has not only a death wish but an overactive sense of right and wrong, I agree. But you can't expect me to be anything but what I am, the same way I can't expect you to be anything but what you are, right?" Running three of his fingers along her cheek, he smiled fondly, "You care. That means a great deal to me, and I'm sorry that tonight was upsetting."

"Oh fuck you," she swatted his hand away. "Talk to me like you understand me, I can't believe you. A pretty, broken, little girl just bats her eyelashes at you and you're a knight in shining armor. What about me, huh? Where's my 'Paladin', huh?"

"Tied to you for all time?" He shrugged simply, "Happy to spend all of that time with you in his life? I meant what I said, I'm not going to bond her willingly. She needs help, counseling, the freedom to choose her own life once she knows what that life can be."

"And when she chooses you?" Spreading her arms wide, she threw her head back dramatically and sing-songed, "Oh, Shinji-kun, you fought for me. You saved my life. I belong to you, and you alone!"

Choking back the laughter that she prompted, he nodded slowly, "That is a possible outcome. Not what I would seek for her, because I doubt that I'm the man she thinks I am."

Snapping her head down and shoving him, she retorted with growing heat, "You _are_ that man. That's the worst part! You are a caring, giving, hard-working, good-hearted, kind-natured, _asshole_ who thinks about everyone before himself. You're the reason they tell people to put on their own oxygen masks before helping others, because you'd suffocate to death while saving the elderly passengers around you!"

"I…I don't really need to breathe," the urge to laugh was becoming harder to ignore. "it would be silly to put on the mask, when time was of the essence."

"You know exactly what I mean, you, you…ooh, you are a…a…a…."

He offered her previous declaratives, "An idiot, imbecile, asshole?"

Pointing at him, she nodded fiercely, "That!"

The amused smile on his face would not be denied, and as he bit the tip of his tongue between his lips, he began to lose the battle against laughing, "You are absolutely adorable when you're angry, you know that right?" A few guffaws slipped free, "This? This is you being 'a lot of a bitch'? Asuka's done worse to me for carrying my schoolbag wrong. She's done worse for me making noise when I drink from a water bottle. This is just making me want to sit with you in my lap and let you get it all out."

She glared at him, "Are you comparing me to my daughter?"

"Favorably, yes," several more laughs tore loose. "I have an intelligent, caring, sympathetic, drop-dead sexy woman in my soul who when she's angry looks and acts like a mature middle school girl. If I wasn't already taken with you, I'd likely have fallen in love tonight."

Stamping her foot again, she screamed out, "Stop being nice to me and listen when I am yelling at you!"

Willing a chair into existence, Shinji sat down calmly and gestured magnanimously for Kyoko to continue. What followed was hours upon hours that she spent berating him for everything that came to mind, and several things that she thought up on the spur of the moment as she caught sight of a smile or laugh. The bizarre, almost loving, way that she tore into him was nothing like he'd expected. If this was where his anger went, and how his anger was to be processed, the only thing that he truly was hurt by…was that he had not known the woman before him while she was alive. _I would have protected you with my life, Kyoko Zeppelin Soryu._

It had been only five minutes, as far as his body was concerned, but quite longer for those in his soul. Still seated in his chair, with Kyoko now on his lap fussing with his shirt which wouldn't sit right as far as she was concerned, he patiently awaited the next half-hearted declaration of his poor behaviors, which were coming further and further apart. He knew she'd long since lost steam, and was now mostly running on momentum, and he couldn't rightly say where the idea came from, but he ran with it anyway. Reaching for her chin slowly, he tilted her face towards his and kissed her longingly. It was the kind of kiss he knew Kodama enjoyed, the kind of kiss that Lilith preferred. It was dark, hungry, and full of lust and passion. It left no doubts, for either party, that they were both loved and desired.

Hesitant, at first, as the last dredges of anger struggled to flare up and burn brightly once more, Kyoko returned passion with passion. Her fingers drifted from his shirt to behind his neck, then up into his hair. Her seat changed from sidesaddle, to fully astride. Her breaths, as useless as his own, came faster with a heart that only beat because she believed it needed to. With her dress bunched up around her hips, she broke off the kiss to purr breathily into his ear, "If I forgive you, will you do to me what you did to Leliel?"

His response was slow in coming, as she began to roll her hips against his in a way that was effectively distracting from the task of speaking to anyone at all, "That…could hurt you."

"Bet you it won't." Sitting back suddenly and risking falling backwards, she relied on him hurrying to hold her up and grinned eagerly as he caught her, "Let me show you, Shinji. Show you _everything_ I'll give you." Slowly undoing the buttons on her shirt, she used his hands as leverage to drive herself against him. "I'll forgive you," with the second button down, her bra was clearly visible, "you'll give me what I've wanted for _ages_ ," the fourth button left her smooth, supple, belly exposed, "and then we'll finally know if we're fully compatible." Flinging her blouse open, she showed that fiery passion was a hallmark of the women in her line, "Play my body like your piano, Shinji. Do everything to it, and I will withhold _nothing_."

His fingers caressed her back and shoulders, reasons both not to, and to, engage in the acts she wished for floating through his mind, defying his attempts to grab hold of them and logically move through what was a very sudden decision on his part to send the signal that he…. "I want you."

"Yes," she cooed as her hips danced against him, "yes you do. You want me so _badly_."

Watching her body work, yearning to become one with his, was impossibly erotic. She left herself just barely clothed, toying with his eagerness to see what little remained hidden. She touched him extensively, but forced him to hold her up which prevented him from exploring her in turn. She gave and withheld, teased and encouraged, every action she took was calculated and spontaneous at the same time. She was a contradiction, a paradox, she was…. "If we…. If we do this…."

"Then we'll know," her eyes held his, "won't we?" Tearing his shirt open, she rolled her body up against his, "Which is it, Shinji? Do you love the women who've tied themselves to you for all time," her teeth clamped down on his shoulder where it met the neck, _or not?_

The world turned blue and red, to fire and frost, to pain and glory. Time might have passed, or stood still. Whatever actions he took, whatever deeds he did, were all lost to the void forevermore. His mind freed from its constraints, his soul dragged kicking and screaming into a future that it couldn't understand but desperately needed to see, it was once more a heartfelt scream of pure bliss that brought him to consciousness once again.

With Kyoko beneath him belly to belly, her legs wrapped tightly around his waist, he felt her nails digging into the flesh along his spine and his release at the same time. Shuddering as untainted ecstasy rocketed along every nerve, he choked out, "Kyo-Kyoko…."

Sweaty and disheveled, the black-haired woman he never knew in life breathed as her jaw quivered, "C-compatible…very, very compatible." Relaxing her death grip on his back, she trailed her nails along his skin until her hands dropped to toy with her chest, "Where were you when I was your age, hmm?"

"In this life, or the one I come from?" His own lungs seemed to not be able to gain enough air, "Either way…by the time I was born, you were already pregnant with Asuka. Kind of…kind of a shame." Another quake of joy trembled through him as she shifted her body while still connected to him, "Ahhh…hahhhh…."

Blue eyes became mischievous as she found a new power to play with, "You know…I think you zoned out again."

Each word was accompanied by a new sensation that he couldn't get enough of, "K-Ky-"

Affecting a sweet, innocent, voice, she pouted, "We still have seven more minutes…on Earth. You're not tired of me already," clenching down, a thrill of victory elated her as his face lost its composure in a paroxysm of delight, "are you?"

+++++ 15th Angel + 2: Saturday (121)

With only one minute left in the waking world, Shinji was carefully playing with various outfits for the girlishly giggling woman dancing before him. A trained dancer, though not nearly as talented as Nicolette, she flowed through move after move, twirling and spinning, as he tried to find the perfect look for the way he felt for her, "Your coloration just fits with everything. I'd likely have better luck describing what doesn't look fantastic on you."

"It's a curse, really," she falsely moped, coming to a halt. "I have beauty, brains, and now a man who can fuck like a machine god? However will I spend the rest of all eternity teaching him not to ignore the darker half of his psyche?" Winking, she laughed as he blushed, "Oh, Shinji, Shinji, Shinji…I am going to positively orgasm as you slowly burn him alive." Sighing dreamily, she lamented, "The only bad part is I couldn't make it so he watches you take me like he never could as he feels his body shriek in unending torment."

Shinji's gentle nature had begun to reassert itself, the calm that the woman before him had provided fading back into the anxieties inherent in him, "Kyoko…if you're going to show me how to pay attention to the darker half of my mind, I'm going to show you how to let go of the past. I don't know how the woman who couldn't come up with something more insulting than 'goody-goody-do-gooder' is also simultaneously devoted to the idea of me fileting her ex-husband with a salt-encrusted butter knife. It's just not computing."

"Because I couldn't get angry at _you_ ," her lips bunched off to the side. "I tried. I really did. I even imagined you were him, and that…didn't go well. That was when you caught me with my mouth hanging open and laughed at me? Yeah, none of my tricks for ramping up worked. If I'm angry at you, like before when I was taking you to task for thinking me maternal?" Her eyebrow shot up, "Yeah, call me maternal now, sonny." Feeling warm inside as he blushed, she pressed on, "I can be angry at you, but…not unless I'm actually angry at _you_ and not the situation. You're doing the right thing. You're pushing Fuuka-chan towards a healthy path, you're keeping her safe, and you're setting boundaries. Being angry at you for following through, even when it meant risking pain or death, it's like asking you to suddenly become female. It's not in your genes."

"And…my darker side?" He didn't feel that was in his 'genes' either, "How does that work?"

" _Gloriously_ ," she breathed in memory of the past several weeks from her perspective. Shivering, she clapped her hands, "Go. Do what we just did, only with Kodama-chan. If I'm right…I think you'll like what happens."

He had a good feel for the passage of time, all of his musical training had beaten that into him, and knew he had a day or so in his soul left, "She gave you twenty-"

"And I've taken what I wanted," Kyoko shushed him, waving her hands to quiet him down. "We have eternity. You can give her the next few hours. Let's learn what we can. If you can keep her awake afterwards, think of how wonderful that will be for her? She always collapses, and it might just be because of what we've been talking about. Instead of just five or ten minutes before she can't stay awake, maybe she can manage an hour! It will be wonderful for both of you." Shooing him, she put her foot down, "Go. You can do this. I believe in you."

Closing his eyes and accepting that she meant what she said, he took a deep breath and blew it out slowly. When his eyes opened again, they were full of the love he had for her, "You are a good woman, Kyoko. Thank you…for letting me love you."

After he vanished, she let her head drop forward, "He doesn't even know he does it."

"If he did," Ireul replied quietly, "would we share him so willingly?"

"No. I would demand he purge everyone else. That he spend forever in here with me. I wouldn't trust him so deeply, love him so purely, or…or…." A tear threatened her eye as her smile dwindled to nothing, and she wiped the stray moisture away with her thumb, "I refuse to say this was a mistake…but I should not have seduced him like this. We should have taken our time, like he wanted to, I should have…."

Approaching the former mortal quietly, the Aspect of Terror, the First among Peers, folded Kyoko in her arms, "There is nothing wrong with what you have done, sister dear. Love chooses who it will, as it will. That it chose you, and not her, only means that it is not your heart which aches with the pain of loss. One way or another, a heart was to be broken."

"I've had my life," refusing to sob, she quietly cried into Ireul's shoulder. "It…it was my duty to give her a chance at…at…."

"There are other men," she clicked her tongue. "Yes, there are no other Shinji Ikari, but that does not mean that she cannot find someone for her and her alone. We may very well be able to lay this at Creation's feet. It might have decided that you were a better fit, that your inclination towards sacrifice simply provided what Shinji needed without the…additional complications your daughter would bring."

Her voice was tiny as every mother's worst fear grew closer, "She's going to hate me, and she'll be right to."

+++++ 15th Angel + 2: Saturday (121)

Before opening his eyes, Shinji became aware of the world of the living once more. A comforting weight sat in his lap, her hair, much longer now than when he first met her, was draped over his shoulder as her forehead rested comfortably in the crook of his neck. The scent of honey mixing beautifully with her own. "Somewhere," he began softly, "and I'm not sure I know where…I became way too comfortable having people in my personal space." Drawing his arms around her, he let his hands linger on those places he found quite compelling.

"I said I'd give you twenty minutes," he couldn't see the smile grow on her lips, "it's only been eighteen and a half." Schooling her face to tranquility, she pushed back and looked at him with a neutral expression, "I'm wondering if spending time in the bath with me was exciting enough to cut your time with her short." She let his mouth silently work for a second before reaching up and tapping the tip of his nose, "Got you."

His eyes shut briefly as he realized she had been teasing, before opening with mock severity, "Maybe I just want to get it over with, instead, hmm? I mean, who would want to be naked…wet…embracing…." Slipping his hands between her shirt and skin, he waited for her to lean into his caresses before he started tickling her, triggering howls of laughter, "You, my dear wife, are going to help me test something."

Unable to breathe for how hard she was laughing, she couldn't vocalize the truth that she would agree to anything so long as he stopped tickling her. That she suddenly found herself on her back, with him betwixt her legs was a surprise. That his kiss tasted of sweat and war was both surprising and alluring. That instead of progressing towards their pre-bath shower, he was pressing her down and doing exactly what she'd always wanted him to do…that was glorious.

Shinji fought, without success, against the urge to compare the women in his life, pushing for even his subconscious mind to stay away from the act that he felt would be both derogatory and unhelpful. He attempted, instead, to enjoy the people for what they were. Kodama, in his view, was a woman who had been crafted by hand to exemplify what he thought of as 'naughty'. Her lips, engaged in combat against his own, had a natural pout that amplified both her giving smile and her lusty grin. Her legs, struggling to determine whether they wanted to pull down against his pants or wrap tighter around his thighs, were both strong and shapely in ways that carried burdens and drew eyes. Her bust, half concealed and half laid bare beneath his hand, had a heft and gravity to them that defied his willpower, begging for him to admire and caress them all hours of the day. He had learned, in his most recent lesson with-

Kodama was not ready for him to stop dead, her libido firing on all cylinders, and so when his motions stopped she worried that someone had walked into the room unnoticed. Looking around and seeing no one else, as Shinji pulled himself back to sit in seiza, she left her clothing rumpled and herself as exposed as he had made her, "Baby? What's wrong?"

"I…." He had done it. He had done it, more than once. What he had done wasn't a 'mistake' or 'spontaneous', he had willingly, deliberately, done it. It wasn't 'his darkness' taking control, he had ceded that control to it. It wasn't Kyoko's fault, any more than it was the chemicals in his body that impelled him towards it. _He_ had done it.

"Baby, I need you to use your words," the nurse was out, the woman withdrawing for the time being. "What happened? You're looking an awful lot like you did when Misato tore into you that night at her apartment. Talk to me." With one hand on his wrist, feeling his pulse, the other lightly stroked his chest to try and soothe whatever anxieties had suddenly cropped up.

Sounding as if he himself couldn't believe the words he was uttering, he admitted his crimes, "I just made love to my friend's dead mother." Several other words tried to exit, his mouth working through them before settling on, "Aggressively. _Eagerly_. Like it was the most normal, natural, thing in the world to do."

With her eyes narrowed slightly, Kodama took a moment to process the statement for what she could think of that he might have meant, "You…and Kyoko?" He nodded dumbly. "Ok…and…you, well no," she paused. "You said 'eagerly', so you wanted to?" Again, a nod of affirmation. "Did she want to?" Another nod. Frowning, she spoke words that she honestly never thought she'd have to, or want to, "Do you think this means that we can't? Baby, I'm all sorts of ready to go. I don't care that you were in your soul sleeping with another woman, that's not going to stop me from rocking your world out here in the physical world. I mean, sure, some might think it's a bit soon for you to open up to her like that, but if she turns your key then I'm not going to be a hypocrite about things. I was ready to go the moment I saw you with a black eye."

"No, no no," he shook his head, focusing on her, "I _wanted_ to."

She wasn't following him, "Which is good, because if you didn't I'd have to find a way to hurt a spirit. I can't imagine that's easy to manage."

Slowing down his words, he tried to impart his mind to her, "I _wanted_ to fuck my best friend's dead mother."

"Your best friend is currently working with Tsuru and Yang on plans for tomorrow," Kodama frowned. "You never met my mother, and…it would be a lot weird to find out that she was still around for you to sleep with."

"No, my…." His mind took another hit as he realized she was speaking the truth. Hikari was his best friend, his confidant. The person who understood him better than any, who knew what he was thinking before he opened his mouth. She cared for him, held him when he fell apart, lifted him up when he was low, and though they had butted heads on many issues had been proven right in that the world he now occupied was possible. "She's…." What did that make Asuka?

Kodama, her protective nature surfacing now, pressed him on a point that was rather important to her, "You wanted to, you're certain of this?"

"I…yes," he nodded tersely. "I'd describe but that-"

"No, no 'but that'. Describe," she took his hands in hers. "Shinji, you're worrying me. I know that you've slept with a bunch of other women. I have accepted that as part of our life together. But if what you say next doesn't convince me that you actually wanted to, I'm going to do what I have to, to protect you and everyone else in this house."

He couldn't deny her point. He was acting unnerved, because he _was_ unnerved, and that would be worrying to someone who wasn't in his mind. "After…after we went into my soul," he began to haltingly describe the time they'd spent with the black-haired spirit adorably venting their combined rage and frustration. How he'd agreed with a number of her points, and had eventually ended up laughing at her for being cute. Reaching the point where she had been fussing with his shirt, he had an honest smile on his face at the memory, "She sat there, trying to hold onto anger and failing…and I kissed her. She had done so much for me, stopped me from making decisions in a blind rage…. I just wanted to let her know that I loved her." His smile drooped instantly to a frown, "I _love_ her."

"Love, or lust?" Kodama patted his chest, "The two get pretty confused sometimes, Baby."

"Both," he shook his head. "Kodama, I want her like I want you. Flaws, perfections, and all. I hold her, and it's the same warmth and joy and fear that I feel holding you. Like I'll never be good enough to deserve you. Like you're everything I've ever wanted in life. My heart fills to bursting with this…this murky joy." Fixing his eyes on hers, momentum carried him forward, "I look at you and I see sex. I want to just…. I'd _live_ inside of you. I'd spend all day with you and I going at it. I always have, I just…I wouldn't let myself admit it."

Her cheeks warmed at his frank description, "Well…the thought _had_ crossed my mind from time to time." Coughing, she wiggled her fingers and schooled her face towards seriousness, "But we're not focusing on that. You feel this same thing for Kyoko?"

"To a…lesser degree," he hated admitting that there might be a strata, but the honesty of the conversation compelled him. "She's…." His mouth opened and closed several times, "You…you say nothing. Not a word to anyone." His eyes pleaded with her, "Please. I'm-"

"If I ever find myself risking it, I'll find you," she scooted closer, "and I'll find something else to do with my mouth instead."

"She's…probably fifth or sixth down." Closing his eyes, he kept his voice lowered, "You, then Maya, then Suzuka, then Ritsuko…then either Kyoko or Misato. In terms of 'makes me want to forget my obligations and just'…." Looking at her, he pleaded with her to understand the rest of that thought without him voicing it.

She knew her mouth was now ajar, and as badly as she wanted to correct that fact, she couldn't seem to get the signal down to the orifice to accommodate her desires. _I rank higher than…I'm 'Number One'?_ The ranking order didn't quite make sense to her, though she was aware enough to admit that was largely because she apparently sat at the apex. "So," she began slowly, "I'm going to infer that all of the women we live with cause the urge, in one way or another?" He nodded, clearly flagellating himself for admitting to his weakness. "That's good," she encouraged him. "I mean, ok, here's another question that might help you. Does _any_ woman inspire this?"

"No, not really," he picked up on where she was headed. "I think my tastes are…abnormal, if you compared me to other men."

"Comparing you to other men is idiotic," Kodama giggled. "It's like comparing a heart surgeon to a child cutting a hamburger steak. Yeah, they're both slicing meat, but I wouldn't put the child in the Cardiology Clinic. So, then, why does it matter that you want to have sex with Kyoko?"

He rolled his hand, "I…Asuka?"

"What about her?" Her eyebrow raised, "That ship's pretty well sunk to the seafloor, Baby. I don't see how we could add her to the household, with her _mother_ as a part of it already."

His lips bunched off to one side, "Lilith?"

The idea wasn't entirely off base, "She's…only loosely related to all of us."

His head tilted slightly, "Eve?"

"Ok. I get your point, but they're eternal beings with a far different set of mores than we have," she shifted her tactic to be more specific.

He emphasized the next name, " _Hikari?_ "

"Is my sister, and that is a little weird I agree…." Slumping down, she nodded, "Ok, it's not unprecedented that we would add someone who was related to one of us. But what we have only works because Hikari and I refuse to make an issue of it. Do you honestly see Asuka accepting that her mother would know each and every time she had sex with you? I'm not even certain she'll accept knowing any of us had sex with you. It's…I just didn't see it happening even before you fell for her mother." Pressing on his chest, she smiled gamely, "Listen: let's go in, take a shower, get in the bath, and relax. What's happened has happened. You wanted it, from what it sounds like Kyoko wanted it, and by virtue of her being in your soul she had everyone's permission. The longer-term ramifications will not be resolved tonight, in one conversation, with everything else swirling around."

Taking her hands and helping her stand, then gaining his own feet, he took a deep breath and tried to refocus, "You're right. And…uhm…."

"You're welcome," she mistook his meaning, thinking him embarrassed for wanting to thank her for doing what he knew she'd have done regardless.

"N-no." Drawing his courage around him, he leaned down, whispering into her ear, "I still want you."

+++++ 15th Angel + 3: Sunday (122)

Kodama had lasted far longer than usual, before collapsing unconscious, and he had made certain to hold her for the time he'd agreed to do so, and more. It wasn't a chore, in his mind, to lay beside her and cuddle with her. He did, however, have to occasionally remind his traitorous hands to not molest the slumbering beauty. He knew she'd like as not be perfectly fine with him engaging in the act, but it was a matter of honor and dignity in his mind.

Confident that she would not awaken for several more hours, and that she had not been harmed by what he felt was…. A sigh escaped his lips, the reminder that he needed to stop feeling as if what he was doing was wrong accompanying it. Slipping out of bed, he stepped into the bathroom and borrowed Sachiel's ability to scrub and dry himself instantly, before dressing and walking out into the main hallway.

The house was quiet, not unusual for the early hours of a Sunday, allowing him to sit alone out on the couch and watch the fish tank for a time. Tiny beings with no greater motivation than to swim about in a beautifully decorated kingdom, eating, sleeping, and forming tiny families of similar worlds and species. The lazy motions of some, the chaotic darting of others, all served to soothe his anxieties and remind him that the world around him was not all horrors and death. As usual, he sensed the approach of his company before they spoke, "You should be asleep."

"I slept enough," sitting heavily next to him, and flopping down to lay across his lap, the Light he steered his ship by claimed her rightful place. "I was going to head back to our room, but saw you sitting out here alone. I remembered my promise, and so here I am."

His fingers combed through her hair, the feel magical against his skin, "Never again."

"Never ever," she smiled, content. Gesturing to one side of the water, she chose a lighthearted topic, "That one looks like it shouldn't be hydrodynamic. It's so chubby."

"I'm afraid that they're overeating, but I doubt Gaghiel would allow them to. He loves his children, just as much as any parent should." The comparison struck a chord, and caused his hand to jerk enough that his wife picked up on it, "Sorry…."

Rolling onto her back, she gazed up at him with infinite patience, "What burdens The Crown, my love?"

"…The past." Leaving it at that, he calmly stroked her stomach, "Have I ever told you how…fortunate, blessed, overjoyed I am to know that you forgive me for all of the idiotic things I've done since I came to your world?"

"You've never had to," she replied with a calm smile of understanding. "We, both of us, have made mistakes. We've learned, we've lived, and we're dedicated to what is best for those we choose to love. However," reaching up slowly and tapping his nose, much like her sister had, she urged instead of teased, "you need to tell me what is weighing on you. Whatever it is, it will be made lighter by sharing with someone who would burn the world down for you."

Considering her face for a span of heartbeats, he accepted any denials as a lost cause. Her face was set, she had her course. "How did I ever think that you and Asuka could coexist?" The more he actually thought about the problems adding her would bring, the more he realized that he hadn't been thinking at all before, "Both of you see the world as a challenge to be overcome. The problems you face as surmountable with enough will and drive." His hand tightened into a fist atop her ribs, "And my love as yours to hold. The difference is, you have taken my love and gifted it to the world…."

"And she would hold it for herself alone," Hikari finished for him. A hint of pain touched her eyes, "She would have been your one and only, never asking you to-"

He silenced her by lightly touching her lips with his finger, "The Crown does not belong to the brow it rests upon, but to those it would represent to the universe itself. It was Our fate to be loved by You." Trailing that finger down her jaw, he smiled, "And loved Us well You have." Stroking the backs of his fingers along her cheek, he shook his head, "I'm thinking, Light. I'm not sure where my thoughts are taking me, but I'm trying to find my way there."

"…And back?"

He nodded, "No matter where I go, my sweetest love, the path will always be there for me to return to your arms."

Holding his eyes for another moment, she turned to her side and joined him in contemplating the fish tank, and through it, the world they were a part of.

+++++ 15th Angel + 3: Sunday (122)

Breakfast was slow to be prepared, owing to an organized parade of people asking for a good morning embrace of some form. Shinji knew his first wife was to blame for it, if by 'blame' one would instead display gratitude and love for the action, and did not hold it against her that she would show him what he had gained by loving her. Each and every woman that was 'curious if they could help' had charms, wiles, love, and/or smiles for him. The first, a sleepy Nozomi who remained innocent to the world, simply made certain her nii-san didn't need anything before stumbling back into the family room with Pen-Pen for company.

It was the last that caused the largest delay, following Akane's mischievous pilfering of various items before being chased out of the kitchen with a loving swat on the ass. Catching sight of the final petitioner, he turned on his warmest smile, "Hey there, I see you took advantage of having the bathroom all to yourself. Did you wash your hands?" When Sakura nodded earnestly, he crouched down for a hug and waved her over, "Want to give me a hand, or did you have something you needed?"

Limping over, still sore and tired from all of the walking she'd done the previous day, the second youngest member of the household accepted the embrace eagerly, "I had a scary dream, Shinji."

"I'm sorry that your mind did that to you," he soothed her gently, running one great hand along the upper part of her back. As her arms cinched around his neck, he carefully scooped her up to stand on the nearby stool he kept around so that she and Nozomi could learn to cook, "Would you mind if I asked Iri to come and make sure you're ok?" Settling back, he kept his eyes on hers, "She's an expert in bad dreams. Helps me with mine, when I sleep."

After a slight hesitation, she nodded carefully, "If you think she can help."

 _Ireul,_ summoning the one-eyed regal Aspect, he picked up Sakura's apron and settled it on his sous chef's shoulders.

Fading into the physical world, without the haunting echo of fear that typically accompanied her, the otherworldly being curtsied properly before both the head chef and his assistant, "At Your service, Your Grace." Sharing a fond smile with the smaller human present, she added, "And how is my favorite student doing this morning?"

Moving to stand where he wouldn't be in the way, Shinji slipped Sakura some of his work before speaking, "She had a bad dream, my love. I thought you might be able to check and see if it's anything worrying, or simply fatigue and stress doing what they do."

Clicking her tongue in concern, Ireul nodded in understanding, "I see, I see. Would you be all right with me touching your head, my dear? I promise I won't disrupt your lesson with the chef de cuisine."

"I-I'm ok with you touching me, onee-san," she promised.

"Ah, but I will always ask unless it's an emergency," the dirty-blonde Aspect assured her. "Your body, your rules. Anything else is simply not how His Grace would wish the house to be run." Soft, soothing touches drew darkness from the young woman's head where she couldn't see them, "I am ever his most faithful servant."

"Wife," he corrected, a touch of a frown on his lips. "I keep no servants in my house. I have no supplicants. Those women here are somewhere between girlfriend and wife, depending on how they wish to view themselves." Looking down to the nightmares Ireul was withdrawing from his aide, he smiled sadly, "Or, like you and Nozomi-chan, dear, dear family that I am protecting until they are old enough to face the world as they will."

With her mind clearing of the terrors the night had brought her, a smile grew in their place. The more physically and emotionally fragile member of Team Rainbow, thus fortified with love and affection, simply replied, "I will stay with you, Shinji. I'm happy here. Everybody loves each other, even when they disagree. When they fight, it's not with yelling or fists, and they always apologize afterwards." Finishing with what he'd given her, she reached over carefully and picked up another serving to prepare, "When I'm old enough to face the world…I'm going to face it with you."

Ireul crushed the aggregated nightmares, banishing them to her dimension with contempt, "Which will be your decision to review, at that time, my dear. What I wanted when I was much younger was not what I wanted when I faced His Grace in combat, and most assuredly not what I wanted when he showed me that I was being most uncouth." Grinning at him over Sakura's head, she received an amused eyeroll as her reward, "Tastes change, desires change, and while love will always be here for you…there is a great big universe out there to explore. It's a fine thing to keep your eyes on what's before you, but don't let it blind you to what else may be hiding nearby."

She paused her motions, being cautious with the small knife she wielded with growing confidence, "I'm happy here, onee-san. The universe can keep what it has…there's no pain here for me." Resuming her work, steady and even slices, she repeated herself firmly, "My place is here, with Shinji."

Stomping on what Shinji was about to say, the Aspect simply bowed in acquiescence, "As you will." _There's nothing to be gained by fighting with her on it. We will repeat what we have said, show her a world and universe of options, and after a decade or two she will know her place in the world. She will have the confidence we instill in her, the support of a household's worth of women, and an education that will have no peer. That all must come from the seed of a safe haven, which is what her nightmares regarded her losing. She worried at being replaced, my love. Let us not feed those fears._

Heaving a dramatic sigh, he changed his words to suit the newest information he'd been given, "Well, if I _have_ to have a capable assistant in the kitchen, I _guess_ I can put up with it." Accepting Sakura's happy giggle as a reward all its own, he asked for Ireul to stay in a roundabout fashion, "While you're here, my love, would you mind plating what Yinghua-chan and I are prepping? I've got a hungry household waiting, after all."

+++++ 15th Angel + 3: Sunday (122)

After setting Kodama and Suzuka to running some activities for Team Rainbow, Shinji gathered the rest of his household that wasn't at NERV for a brief discussion at the poolside, "So that's how we stand. For all of you, it's not much of a change. There are bad people in the world, there are firearms in the world. Combine the two, and you face the same risks that you always did. This, however, means that there are now things out there that can kill me too."

Akane, the de facto person responsible for everyone's safety in the Manor, tapped her toes against the ceramic lining the pool to make a loud clack, "It's the same rules as before. You don't leave without checking in and an escort. You come back if or when your escort says you come back. Those of us who've spent time under arms know this like the back of our hands, and we've been fortunate that the three young women to my right haven't made a habit out of being exceptionally stupid. Everyone keep your eyes open, call out odd things, and we all get to enjoy a nice long life of paranoia and bomb threats."

Kiyomi, who had been invited to bring the military up to speed and to provide her perspective, was less than pleased by what she'd heard, "I'm assuming that we're not curtailing our plan for today?"

"Hiding behind closed doors won't inspire the masses, Major." Gesturing along Shinji's body, Mikoto shook her head, "This has to be seen going about, living life, righting wrongs. Our detail is no different than any other VIP."

"The stakes are a little higher," Nicolette added brightly. "I mean, sure it's nice to protect someone who's leading a nation and trying to corral politicians to build a new highway, but we're protecting someone who's defending the entire world at the same time he's giving all of us the-"

" _Nicki_ ," Shinji blushed hard.

"-best meals of our lives," she finished innocently. "Why, _Sugar_ , what _ever_ did you think I was about to say?" Tsuru blushed as deeply as Shinji, while Yang chortled. "Let's not lose sight of the good in humanity, folks. There's a lot of nice people out there, trying to do nice people things. Keep our eyes open, our heads on straight, and trust our guts. Let Shinji handle the threats bigger than two meters tall, let the people with guns handle the threats two meters and smaller."

Rose, materializing where she would be seen by the armed people before speaking, stood staring at the pool with a slightly disgusted expression, "That…really is ostentatious." Shaking herself, she turned and approached Hikari to hug her wife, "Hey, [Song], I'm sorry I can't stay. I need to borrow our [Song] for a moment, if that's ok?"

Returning the embrace warmly, the freckle-faced class rep sighed, "I miss you." Urging Shinji over, she put Rose's hand in his and whispered, "Take a moment. Kiss, hug, dance. Something. Ok? You've both been running hard, and I don't want you to drift apart. Tsuru, Yang, and I can wait half an hour for our date so that my husband and wife can remind each other they love each other."

Stooping down, Shinji kissed Hikari gently, "Because I do love my wives. All of them." Straightening himself, he looked back to the Major as he walked towards his room with Rose, "Kiyomi, I'll want to talk to you before I go, please don't go far." The Major motioned that she heard him, her focus still on the trio of Agents and their game plan for the day. Opening the door for his wife, he guided the pink-skinned ship's captain into the bedroom and closed the door behind them, "Keep me away from him, until after Armisael." Turning back, he saw the understanding on her face as he approached her calmly, "I will rip him apart. He may very well be the first Angel to not become an Aspect. I may very well simply obliterate him." Picking her up, he pressed her against the wall and kissed her as if she held the cure for everything, _If he harms any of you, I can't guarantee anything survives. I lost Rei. Yinghua lost her parents. I do not know how many crimes I can lay at his feet, but I will have my answers before his suffering ends._

Fatigue, more than lack of interest, slowed her response to his affections. The conversations she'd had with Eve, and Lilith, added their mischief, and the press of her body count alone led to her pushing him back, "S-stop. We…we need to talk." Breathing slowly, evenly, to steady her protesting libido, she kept her eyes closed to stop from seeing the hurt and love he held, "I…had a talk with Lilith."

Thinking that she likely didn't believe the Second Angel, Shinji believed that to be the problem and moved to quash it, "I did tell her that if she wanted to have a chance at intimacy before a few centuries have passed, that she'd need to talk to my wives. So, if she's keeping her word…that's a good sign."

Her brow knit as she thought through what to say, deciding on, "[Song], do you know how many deaths…." Again, Eve's tally and her own brought that argument's value down significantly.

She felt him sigh. His voice was nearly as tired as her own, "…Yeah. Even if all she's done is reset time to the beginning, prevent any of the other timelines from existing…from our perspective, they're just as dead." His hands massaged her shoulders, seeking comfort in her presence, "She and I…the death toll we're responsible for staggers the imagination. Honestly," he laughed dryly, "it makes your own seem quaint. Akane thinks that hers is bigger than mine, and she isn't aware that she has the third largest in the house, discounting Lily."

Her eyes snapped open, "You…no, you're not-"

"If I kill Zeruel in my timeline, if I don't run away, then time doesn't get reset. While, yes, another Shinji may have taken my place…those deaths would be on _his_ conscience. Every being that was, or might have been, died because I…because I bitched out. If I'm in the fight against Zeruel from the start, it would have been three on one. If I'd trained, focused, acted like a warrior and not a frightened little fool," his tone was all the more jarring for the lack of emotions as he spoke, "everyone would still be alive. My failure is just as cutting as her own, my [Song]. That's why I have to work harder, be better…I have to find a way to make it right." Running his thumbs along the whorls that covered her cheeks, he smiled sadly, "I'm sorry…. You were saying you had a talk with Lilith, and I distracted you."

"I…told her…." Reaching up and pulling his hands down, she disarmed the growing desire she had, "I told her I wouldn't stand in the way. I won't support her, but I'm not making your decision for you. If you and she reach an agreement, it won't be in spite of or because of anything I do. I don't like her…but I don't have to." The leader of women stood before him, her eyes hard, "I need to get some readings off of you, and then I'm heading over to your work to bother Ritsuko for a sample. We're trying to track down the remaining fragments of the Key, and that's more important than-"

Cutting her off with another lingering kiss, he chided her mentally, _You and I have not shared intimacy. We are in violation of your sacred laws, and if anyone finds out the punishment is something I'm not interested in facing just yet. Are we in such a rush that we can't afford-_

Pushing him back, she gripped his shirt hard, "If I start, I will not stop until I am with child." Glowering at him with thick lust, she slowly unclenched one hand and summoned the device she needed, "You and I will have our time. _After_ I make certain I have done what I can to ensure that our children know their father."

+++++ 15th Angel + 3: Sunday (122)

"She didn't answer her door," Maya reported in dismay. Watching Ritsuko work on two projects at once, she spoke quietly to her own supervisor, "The agent on duty says she was there, that she hadn't left the room at least, but there's no guarantee she was awake."

Misato stood with her arms crossed, looking as if she'd just sucked on an unripe lemon, "I'm not sure whether we should order her to try and synch with Unit-02, or leave her alone and let her vent on her own. She's always done better on her own timeline, but she's also always had the benefit of focusing all of her anger on becoming a better pilot, or her schoolwork."

"The MAGI show she hasn't logged onto the terminal in her room, either," the Chief Science Officer rubbed her cheek as she thought. "She's not engaging with anything that we can track, and she's not responding to friendly visits. It's been two-ish days, how soon is too soon for a H and W?"

"She's not on the active roster," violet hair swayed as she shook her head. "Technically, she's on a paid leave status pending further assessments on Unit-02. If Rits changes her mind and says that she's the best pilot to try, once the core is fully integrated, then I can activate her and kick her door down if she doesn't respond. Right now, unless someone smells something odd or complains about noise, I can't punish someone who's technically a civilian draftee for not meeting military standards."

Maya frowned, "Are you being honest, or are you avoiding conflict?"

"Honest," she didn't take offense at the blunt nature of the query. "I know where she is, and without an actual crisis I risk making it personal when right now she's nothing more than a teenager being paid to remain close to Tokyo-3." Pulling out her phone and checking the date, she shrugged, "If she's kept food in her room, which isn't a violation so long as it's properly sealed, she could be ok for another few days. Keep trying, as you feel appropriate, and let me know if you have any _hard data_ indicating that I should intervene."

Watching as Misato walked away, Maya felt the urge grow to kick something repeatedly until it broke. That urge reached its zenith, then crashed, as she felt a pair of hands begin to massage her shoulders, "We're on duty, you know."

"We're in your private lab," Ritsuko murmured softly. "It's just the two of us. And I've been where you are more than once. The sub-commander is doing what she feels is best, and to be honest she's doing the right thing. She's already compromised to a great extent by loving and living with us. That gets a pass, because almost everyone on base believes that his wives are chosen by the spirits. If she starts getting into fights with an angry teenager who is dealing with angry teenager things, she won't be able to maintain decorum around here. She trusts you, just like I do, just like Shinji does, to do the right thing as far as Asuka goes. Keep that in mind, while you're in the spare bed over there punching the pillow and screaming into the soundproofed chamber about the monumental pile of horseshit this is."

Relaxing back into the former blonde's embrace, she rested her head on her shoulder, and her back against what she knew was a phenomenally wonderful pair of breasts, "I don't think there's a way to win here, senpai." Reverting to the junior for just a moment, she set down her burdens and let someone comfort her, "He's beyond her now. If she won't accept being his friend, without pushing him to become more, no amount of friendly overtures by me will matter. When she finds out about her mother…."

+++++ 15th Angel + 3: Sunday (122)

"…she's going to snap and kill all of us," Yang snickered as Tsuru made a concerted effort to beat the high score on the 'whack-a-mole' machine. "She's going to rip that hammer right off the safety cord and bloodily murder us all!"

Hikari, who had come up with the idea to have Shinji stand just behind each competitor holding them as they labored at the game for three tries apiece, was confident in her score remaining intact, "If she can't wait until tonight, then she knows the penalty. I had to deal with the same distraction, you had to deal with the same distraction, fair is fair."

Shinji, being who he was, murmured a low string of encouragement to the woman he held against him, "You can do it, Tsuru. You've got this. It's not about how hard you hit, you just have to hit hard enough to register." Each 'whack' of her hammer was accompanied by her lower torso pressing back against him, the added height of the platform she stood upon giving her the perfect match to make contact with him in a very intimate way. He, through a will of iron he didn't believe he possessed, managed to not 'make an issue' of that fact. "You're almost there. Almost…." The buzzer sounded, and he cheered with genuine enthusiasm, "A tie! That's well done! Excellent job."

Setting down her weapon and turning around, with a blush and a hungry smile, the farmgirl flirted with a charming tilt to her shoulders, "I owe it all to you, my prince." There was a competitive, though still very friendly, slant to her eyebrow as she looked to the other two women, "Fair is fair."

Hikari, not too proud by far to applaud success of someone she was herself deeply interested in, cheered for her as well, "And you have done a more than fair job, Tsuru-chan. That was a perfect display of focus and determination."

"Perfect for the number three in class," Yang agreed, adding her voice to the praise. "I still think I got cheated out of several of those hits, but I'll accept the loss with grace."

Gathering the tickets, which all three ladies had agreed would be pooled, Shinji placed them in the small bag he'd been handed for the task, "Ok, that's two competitions down, and you're all tied at one victory apiece. As the official judge, I'm calling this a win for both Hikari and Tsuru because doing anything else will cause the math to be funny." A firm assent from all three women heartened him, "The next…." Drifting off, he narrowed his eyes as he caught sight of something he hadn't expected to see and handed the bag off to Tsuru, "I'll be back."

Hikari had followed his gaze at the sudden change in his demeanor, and nodded slowly, "We'll go try the crane game, my love. We'll stay in sight." Herding the other two off, she left her husband alone to handle a situation that she trusted him expressly with.

With his hands in his pockets, the giant pilot of Unit-01 approached a clearly crying young woman he hadn't expected to see. Standing just off to her side, as she leaned against her arms and tried not to draw attention by a pillar in the back corner, he quietly cleared his throat, "Kajima-san, are you all right?"

Starting, and jumping back, the woman who'd been the first to truly anger him in this life wiped her eyes fiercely and frowned, "Ikari-san, I'm fine. You don't need to worry about me."

"I wouldn't say that's true," pulling out his spare handkerchief, though not the one he'd once borrowed from Hikari, he offered it to his fellow student. "Please, are you all right? Has someone harmed you?"

Her hand reached to the cloth, before she caught herself and crossed her arms, facing off to the side with a scowl, "I'm fine."

With his hand still outstretched, he shook his head slightly as he spoke, "A beautiful young woman doesn't spontaneously begin crying for no reason in public. She certainly doesn't favor her right hand as if she's struck something harder than it is, if she's fine. Please. As your fellow student, if not as a class representative, let me help."

A light blush was followed by her snatching the handkerchief from him with a barely audible, "Thanks." Patting her eyes dry, she pulled out her phone and turned on the camera facing her, "Ugh…I'm going to have to fix that." When she went to turn the device off, her hand flinched in pain and she lost control of it.

Far faster than her, Shinji caught it and offered the phone and a small nod, "May I inspect your hand? I'm familiar with the kinds of injuries people get from punching walls, or people, and could tell you if it's going to bruise or if it's broken, at least."

Dumping the phone in her jacket pocket, she clenched her left hand around the handkerchief and huffed, "Why do you care?"

"Because you're not evil," he shrugged, his hands moving back to his pockets for the moment. "You fell in with a crowd that fed you lies, and if I'm not incorrect your father has not done the best job of helping you make healthier choices. You're not one of the incredibly few people I hate, and so I want to make sure that you're given what opportunities you need to pull yourself up as far as you want to climb." His brow drooped as he shrugged with acceptance, "If you're happy where you are…you're happy where you are. But I'd be a terrible leader, a worse classmate, and a horrifying Duke if I didn't offer my help to someone in need."

Searching his face for a moment, she leaned in and whispered with more than a hint of venom, "Why couldn't you just have chosen me? You'll take the class hick, the foreigner, and Little Miss Too Good For Everyone, but not me. Oh no, I'm not _good_ _enough_ for you?"

His familiarity with Asuka, and the tactic of attacking when you're weakest, led to him just shrugging again, "You weren't offering because you wanted to love me. You offered because you wanted to escape something." He could feel her song screaming its pain at him, and knew he was close enough to right, "I'm just not the kind of man that accepts a woman's body as currency. I'm not programmed that way."

Gritting her teeth together and weakly clenching her right hand in time with her much less-pained left, her face scrunched in several places as she fought back tears, "I…I could have…."

"You could have hated yourself every day for the rest of your life," he slowly pulled his hands free, and gently took her hand to probe the bones. "You could have looked at yourself in the mirror, after every time you and I did anything, and thought to yourself that the only value you had was between your legs." Accepting her small winces as signs of pain, but finding nothing broken, he allowed her to take the limb back without resentment, "I wouldn't want that for you, you shouldn't want that for yourself. Nothing seems broken, Kajima-san."

"…Thank you." Clutching her hand close to her heart, she couldn't make eye contact, "I'm…I'm sorry for…."

"You're hurt, and angry," he patted her shoulder. "What happened?"

Looking off towards the photobooth, then back to his handkerchief, her voice dropped to a whisper, "He cheated on me. With…with my best friend."

Nothing he said would make that better, and so he instead chose to continue to listen.

"I was…I was going to meet him tonight, we were going to go to," remembering who she was speaking to, she clammed up and blushed.

"It's your life, Kajima-san," he assured her. "I would simply say you should be cautious, because a pregnancy at your age would limit your future unless the person you were with was firmly dedicated to helping you. To say nothing of the potential for disease," gesturing towards the booth, "that someone might get from sleeping around on you, and then give you."

"He said he'd take care of me," the tears threatened to come back.

That was a tune Shinji was very familiar with, and a large part of why he had the policy he did, "Which was reprehensible, if he was unclear that he was seeing anyone else."

Her lips bunched, "He said it was only me. That I was…was special."

"You are," he smiled warmly, able to turn what the other man had said to a more positive end. "You're the only Kajima-san I know. There's only one you, in all the starry universe, and that makes you incredibly special." Tilting his head, he asked the next important question, "Did he _physically_ hurt you?"

"Other than bruising my hand when I went to slap him and caught the pillar…no," she looked away with a deeper blush.

Realizing that he was inclined to make sure that she had a chance to pull herself out of the spiral of suffering she'd found herself in, he reached out to his wife, _Hikari, I hate to ask…._

 _While we're here at the arcade. I'll have a quick chat with her, make sure she understands that we're going to keep on our date after we leave and that she'll go somewhere else, but I won't stop you from being the sub-rep I know you are._ The response brought with it a touch of warmth that carried her pride, though she concluded with, _I'll also let her know that she can always text me, so that she's got someone to talk to that isn't a skank._

"Why don't you come spend some time with me and my family," Shinji ignored the last part of Hikari's statement, accepting that she wasn't going to be instantly fond of a woman who'd attempted to seduce her boyfriend. Gesturing towards the trio, he kept his smile in place, "Maybe try and make some friends that won't ever try and steal your boyfriend?"

He caught her subtly glancing over to the women he was tied to for all time, then down to the hand she'd hurt, then to his handkerchief, "They…hate me."

"They don't know you," he shook his head. "None of us do. I don't hate things I don't know. Maybe fear, but that's something that can only be fixed by experience and making an effort to learn. Give them a chance, I'm certain they'll give you a chance."

There was an emotion he didn't see enough of in her eyes, the next time she looked to the ladies he'd arrived with, hope.

+++++ 15th Angel + 3: Sunday (122)

Waving with a friendly smile, Shinji watched the taxi he'd hired depart with the unexpected guest they'd entertained. It hadn't gone perfectly, as the women bound to his soul had few things immediately in common with the woman he now knew as Minami Kajima, but they had proven his faith correct…and so had Minami. "She's nothing like Asuka," he said, seemingly out of the blue.

Yang frowned, looking up at him, "Not sure which qualifications you're using there, because I don't know the lady well enough, but no…she didn't blow up at the first misunderstanding and demand we bow down to her." Looking to Tsuru, she shrugged, "She was actually kinda fun to play with, once she loosened up."

"I think giving her the snake was a good idea," the farmgirl grinned. "She seemed almost like Yinghua-chan when she saw that you'd caught it in the crane."

Hikari patted Shinji's arm, "My husband wanted to help a lost puppy, and I am not so big of a bitch that I won't make sure he succeeds. Besides," she looked up and drew his eyes, "he gave her his handkerchief."

"Hope," he responded, tucking his hands in his pockets with a quick glance at Yang, "keeps us from despair. I may never see her as even a _good_ friend, but the way she clung to it I could tell that she desperately needed something to believe in. If clutching that helps her make better friends, find someone who will treat her with respect, then I'm out twenty Yen and have gained a measure of self-respect. Besides," he pulled out the one he kept from her, "I have a better one that I prefer."

"You're damn right you do," standing on her toes, she pressed a light kiss to his cheek. "If we're going to go see the movie, then we need to get walking. I hear this thing is ridiculous, which should make it perfect for us to laugh at."

+++++ Author's Notes:

The Lilin, chosen by Creation, and the Role they play (In English Alphabetical order):

Akane – The Shadow

Hikari – The Princess

Kelly – The Poet

Kodama – The Healer

Kyoko – The Fury

Maya – The Advisor

Mikoto – The Assassin

Misato – The General

Nicolette – The Dancer

Ritsuko – The Mage

Suzuka – The Weapon

Tsuru – The Priestess

Yang – The Diplomat


	134. Chapter 134

+++++ 15th Angel + 3: Sunday (122)

Kelly, dressed in informal clothes, forced a similar tone for the impromptu meeting with Gretchen von Ortenburg, who had agreed eagerly to the call, "You can see the position this would put him in. It's not that we can't make the decision ourselves, but I would prefer to keep the people who maintain his funding aware of the potential for a sudden, catastrophic, change in diplomatic standing."

"And you have no idea how grateful I am that you're where you are, Miss Chambers," with a smile that was open, the powerful woman leaned towards the camera happily. "He needs someone to do the work you're doing, and if that leads to a more formal union between the two of you then all I ask is an invitation to the Mass. As far as the Holy See is concerned, I think we both understand the pitfalls present. My recommendation, as his nominal superior, is to be cautious with what he agrees to. You are right in being careful to not have him seem to prefer one religion over another, especially in these strained times. My advice, as a friend of your family, is to go into the meeting with an open mind and trust that His Holiness has not changed his mind on maintaining global peace. Don't worry, Shinji's paycheck won't be in danger so long as he doesn't walk in and kill everyone present."

Laughing at the absurdity of the thought, the redheaded Right Hand of Ikari waved off the idea, "The letter was rather explicit that His Eminence would not be seeking conversion, which means the Inquisition should stay unmolested."

Gretchen's smile became more amused, before settling back towards 'duty', "I'd like to make more time to be around, but with the dispatch I just received from Sub-Commander Katsuragi, I think I'll be rather busy. Is he keeping his spirits up?"

"He's currently out with those of us who go to class with him," she reported simply. "If anyone can keep a smile on his face, other than perhaps Team Rainbow, it's those three."

+++++ 15th Angel + 3: Sunday (122)

With Hikari sitting in his lap, Tsuru to his right, and Yang to his left, Shinji watched a movie regarding the unlucky love life of a newly divorced man who had a magical cellphone that provided him ten attempts at a date with a different 'type' of woman. Sporty and athletic, fashion-forward and trendy, business oriented and driven, each had an upside that spoke to their benefits…but also the downsides that came with various personality traits. Pressing any of the numbers, 'one' through 'zero' would connect him with one of ten women, who all acted as if they'd once met him by chance before exchanging numbers and he was calling them back for a date. What had been intended as a movie they could watch and laugh at, instead became an uncomfortable glimpse into what the three women felt Shinji's life must be like, and a surprisingly compelling movie for him as he hoped that the man would find someone who he could respect and was respected by in return.

At the conclusion of the film, where the man wound up at a concert after nine increasingly disastrous dates ready to dispose of the cellphone and just try his own hand at meeting people, the protagonist was seated next to a woman who hit it off with him easily. The final scene showing her hiding a cellphone just like his, indicating that the tenth and final woman had also been lacking any form of luck herself. There was no 'ever after' even implied, but the fact that both people hid the phones and leaned in to speak over the concert itself gave him hope that the characters were meant to be together and happy.

As they walked out of the theater, Shinji had a thoughtful expression on his face. Everything he'd seen in that movie rang true for any number of the lives he'd lived. Each woman he'd tried to make a life with would have upsides, sometimes massive, sometimes barely noticeable, but always central to their core personality. Each woman, also, would have downsides…sometimes massive, sometimes barely noticeable. The goal, if there was a lesson to be taken from the movie, was to find someone who was compatible. Because while he might have loved the family-oriented woman's drive to be present for those she was related to, he would have had a hard time ignoring her eagerness to include her overbearing mother in every decision she made. "Nobody's perfect," he said aloud. "But if you're not willing to give of yourself to the relationship, and you're not willing to accept who the person you're with is at their base, then any relationship is doomed from the start."

"I guess we're all pretty lucky," Yang agreed. "Everyone in the Manor has worked hard to learn more about everyone else, has tried to cooperate with each other to minimize drama and stress."

Massaging the back of her neck, he nodded, "I wonder how many of those women he would have been able to be friends with, if he wasn't at first just looking for…I'm not really sure, was he just looking for sex or was he actually looking for romance? It was kind of…odd those first few women."

"Both, I'd guess," Hikari walked with her arm hugging Tsuru close. "He wasn't acting like a good man should, but he also wasn't exactly coming out of a great situation. He's sympathetic, but not necessarily too sympathetic, before he begins to realize what he'd been doing that led to the downfall of his marriage."

"A lot of his failures really were his own fault," Shinji agreed. "Too eager to change who he was, to try and be what they were to appeal to a woman that he was only…." Trailing off, his own words striking him hard, he sighed, "Do I love Asuka…or do I just want to make her happy?"

"It's hard to say for sure," his wife stated carefully. "You've spent a lot of time around her, that kind of familiarity complicates everything."

Tsuru, having been quiet as she tended to, spoke up as she felt her thoughts might help the man she loved, "What if you saw her with another man?" Realizing that she'd left out part of her thoughts, she blushed, "I…I mean…."

Yang, ever ready to help her friends, rolled her hand encouragingly, "No, no, go on. What are you thinking?"

With further encouragement from Shinji's smile, she pressed on, "When I…when I saw you and Hikari, two…uhm, two people I'd wished I had a chance to at least date, just once, it hurt. When I got the invitation to your wedding, it really hurt. It hurt worse than I ever thought it would hurt. Worse than when mom died, worse than when I was first 'introduced' to a man that I might be forced to marry. When you…. When Ogawa…."

"It would hurt to see any of you with someone else," Shinji agreed slowly. "The thought of…." How many lives had he seen Asuka marry someone else, after he'd been taken by one woman or another. He'd sat through the elaborate ceremonies, perfectly content to watch as she'd joined with a man that, unfortunately, wouldn't end up lasting very long ninety nine times out of one hundred. His marriages to her were…what they were. The one overarching theme, if he was to extend the movie's analogy, was that she…. "She wants to change who I am. She's _always_ wanted to change who I am. Even when she's tried to improve herself, to work on her issues, she's kicked me in the ass until I did what she felt I was capable of, whether I wanted to or not. Doctor, lawyer, world renowned chef or artist or musician…."

Hikari, interested in his answer, circled back to Tsuru's question, "But what if she found another man?"

"Wouldn't be the first time," he shrugged, still working through the realization that any husband his fellow pilot ever had was always a project. They were to be sanded, filed, chiseled away at until they were what she wanted them to be…and then discarded because she still wasn't happy in herself. "I care about her, a great deal. I empathize with her even more. Before I knew all of you…things would have worked for a time between her and I. I would have bent to her whims, she would have led me towards what she wanted me to be, and then…nothing. No friends, no extended family, nothing but Asuka."

The farmgirl was the first to condemn that, "Nobody should change the one they love to suit their own selfish desires. If it's something you wanted to do, that would be ok so long as you were doing it for yourself, but never because they'd demand it."

Yang backed up her best friend, "Have to agree. We're not talking about substance abuse, or torturing animals to death. Those are things anyone should condemn because they hurt the person doing them as much as they do the people and animals around them. If you're saying she was making you dress a certain way, eat certain foods, engage in certain hobbies, take certain jobs, that's not 'love', that's control, and it's abusive."

"And that's unacceptable," Hikari summed up with a serious glance to her husband. "I may not like everything you do, but I've only ever tried to show you a better way because you were afraid to try it otherwise. The shopping trips for clothes, or self-care products, if you remember, were all purchased after Koko and I showed you a variety of scents and styles. We wanted to help you be healthier, _how_ you went about it was your decision. We would have even accepted it had you refused, though we would have been disappointed that you weren't taking care of your body and mind."

"Motivations, intent, those matter," he assured her that he agreed. "Neither of you were trying to control me or manipulate me, you also weren't pushing me to style things certain ways. You wanted me to find what I was under the insecurity and fear, not mold me into what you wanted." Shaking off the thoughts, he pushed a smile out, "Enough. She's not here right now. She won't answer my texts. Tonight is about three women I'm blessed to have in my life." He kept the last thought for himself, _Not the one who refused to try and work with me._

+++++ 15th Angel + 3: Sunday (122)

With Gaghiel once more riding atop her head, Maya made another effort at contacting a young woman she knew needed more than time and space. Her husband would want Asuka as a friend, even if anything else was now likely impossible. Having another person who understood what it was to pilot would be invaluable to their mental health, and providing her an opportunity at closure would at least give him the peace of mind that he needed. It was a hodgepodge of self-interested and altruistic motivations to be sure, but she was secretly just glad that he wasn't pursuing the redhead more actively. She liked Kyoko, and she appreciated how the woman seemed to help him see things that they'd been trying to teach him unsuccessfully for months. Asuka, on the other hand, was an acquired taste under the best of circumstances, but still a human being that needed people willing to try and be friends and allies.

The youthful Aspect was giving her a lot more information than he thought he was, though without any nefarious intentions, _It's really strange watching her cry, Advisor. She seemed so happy, politely happy, when she was accepting his love, but then she pushed him to go and share with The Healer and started crying. Is that something you do a lot, when he's sharing with The Princess?_

Stepping off the elevator, she sighed as she understood all too well why the woman would do what she had, _It's a very human thing to cry afterwards, Gaghiel-kun. She probably pushed Shinji to leave so that she could cry in peace, lament what had been lost._

 _But what did she lose?_ Lightly batting at her head, an act he found wonderfully amusing, he kept the beat to the song of Maya's soul, _The Great One gave her all sorts of affection, his love, his touch, his words. He took only the same from her._

The innocence, through ignorance, was endearing in its own right, and Maya selfishly kept him ignorant to avoid having to get into it too deeply, _It wasn't his fault that she was crying. She'll be fine, once things settle down into a routine. It's a big change, finding out that you have another chance at life, that you have the love of a man with such a good heart._

 _Very true, very true,_ he agreed eagerly. As they stopped at Asuka's door, he added warily, _Maybe he can love this one too. Maybe that will stop her song from being so…. I shouldn't describe it, it wouldn't be polite._

 _All things are possible, my little friend._ Tapping the call button, she set herself where she would be visible if the door were barely opened, _Not likely…but possible._ Waiting long enough to mentally sing an old song she grew up hearing on the farm, Maya pressed the button once again, "Come on, Asuka…I can't help you if you don't let me."

 _Advisor…her song is growing…uhm…less polite._ Gaghiel, sensing the discomfort his news brought, began to soothe his fins along her temples, _I don't think it's directed at you. It's rather…uh, everywhere? I know this one is your friend, but she is not well, not at all._

Pulling out her phone, Maya tried one last option and sent a text to Asuka's phone. 'Hey, it's me. I know you told me to stay out, but I'm worried about you. I'm not here because of Shinji, I'm here because my friend isn't talking to me.'

Another minute drifted past, and the aquatic Aspect regretfully announced, _I do not believe she is moving from where she is._

 _…We still have to try. Even if she doesn't want us to. That's what friends do, Gaghiel-kun. They don't give up on each other._ Turning back towards her office, she reached up as if she were scratching her head and gave some affection to her passenger, _Thank you for trying with me._

Thoughtfully rocking side to side, he mused, _Are we friends, Advisor? You and I?_

 _Absolutely,_ her smile brightened her song, further warming the youthful Aspect.

 _That is good._ His voice became serious for a moment as he twisted back to look at where he could feel Asuka's rage and contempt boiling, _I will not allow anyone to harm you…not anyone._

+++++ 15th Angel + 3: Sunday (122)

"And he asked you to ask me?" Kodama, while not disbelieving the elder being standing in her room, was surprised at the fact that she was actually following up on what she could easily see her husband requesting, "Why…well, yes I guess that would be the sane question to ask, why do you want to? Couldn't you make a hundred just like him?"

Lily lifted one eyebrow wanly, "Would that satisfy you? Someone who looked like him, spoke like him, acted like him, but was _not_ him? A soulless shell, devoid of the spark that makes you what you are?" Tilting her head forward, she turned the question around, "Do you think it would satisfy him, if I made another you?"

"I love him," she stated, making the corollary rather bluntly obvious.

Her voice lowered dangerously, "If I didn't, do you honestly believe I would go through all of this? Humiliate myself by asking my own children for permission? Jump through hoop after hoop simply because I thought he had a better dick than any other man out there? Can you _please_ skip to the part where you tell me what I can do to make you feel comfortable with he and I finally uniting as one?"

Kodama believed herself a reasonable judge of character. Her blind spots, and she knew she had them, were her sisters. She had never believed Hikari the kind of woman she had turned out to be, and she was dreadfully worried that her little sister was being shown a reality that she was just not ready for. The woman before her, as otherworldly as she seemed, screamed of being the type of person to never fall in love…until she did. "It hurts, doesn't it?" There was no sympathy in her tone, but neither was there condemnation, "You spend all of that time convincing yourself that there's nobody out there for you. That you're better off alone. That you'll focus on your goals, and your career, and your education…and you'll fill that hole in your heart with success in other realms."

Lily nodded, "Those men, the ones who just wanted the great tits and the warmth you give so freely? They deserve to suffer. I know Adam is suffering. But that's not why I want Shinji. I want him because when he looks at me…he's not thinking of this," she pointed down between her legs. "He's thinking of this," she tapped her heart. "Nobody, and I mean _nobody_ , has been gifted what I have to offer. He's not perfect-"

"Ain't that the truth," she chuckled.

"-but he's the only being I've ever known who wants his powers less…and deserves them more." Shrugging, she didn't bother to hide the tears that were building, "I've already won. He won't let the Judges do what they will. He won't let my children burn. But I can't stop. And I need him to understand that…that I have far more to offer him than he thinks I do."

Sucking on her tongue as she thought, the busty nurse unknowingly echoed a sentiment already presented to the Second Angel, "I'm not going to accept anything in exchange for sex with my husband…but I'm not going to stop him and you from finding common ground. If it weren't for you, I would never have met him. My gratitude for that, will be that I tell him to decide for himself what is best, and that I will back him either way."

Slumping slightly, the impossibly beautiful being shook her head, "It's what I'll get…isn't it?" Startled by a pair of arms wrapping around her, she found herself held tightly by the woman who'd just furthered her fears.

"You get what you earn, in this household." The statement wasn't made to be chiding, "If you put effort in, believe me, he'll take note."

Timidly, Lily returned the embrace, "I…guess you would know better than anyone, wouldn't you?" With two 'abstains', she was somehow both closer to and further from her goal, but the honest gift of Kodama's heartfelt warmth soothed the pain she felt, somewhat.

+++++ 15th Angel + 3: Sunday (122)

"You're…serious?" Tsuru looked between Shinji and Hikari with wide, unbelieving eyes, "I mean…serious, serious?"

"Like I said last night, I'm not sure how much more serious we could be, considering you're attached to his soul for all time," the Class Rep smiled with amused tolerance. "It makes sense, what Kyoko said to us, that a physical sign of belonging to someone else will help to dissuade people from feeling like being handsy with you. Even one less pervert groping my fiancée is worth the cost, to me."

Shinji, who had so far kept his mouth wisely shut, simply shrugged and nodded. It wasn't that he was disapproving of his wife's decision, he just worried that people might begin to feel pressure to 'conform' if rings began to sprout on some women's fingers and not others. The public optics of wearing jewelry on certain fingers was not lost on him.

With a sigh that was somewhere between resigned and content, Yang bumped her friend with her shoulder, "Let's go in, see what they have, and make our decisions based on whether we like it or not. I hadn't thought when we asked last night that this would lead here, but…I'm not going to turn down a chance at wearing proof of my fiancé's affections."

At Tsuru's sudden worry, Hikari took her arm and smoothed it over, "If they don't have what you want, I'm certain we can ask about having it custom made. It might cost a little extra, but I'd rather you have a ring you'll love a million years from now instead of one you're wanting to replace every three months."

Nodding in gratitude for the two Shirakami toughs that opened the doors, he took up the rearguard position and allowed the trio of beauty to enter the room before him. Just as Kiyomi had promised, plain clothes military had taken up positions around the shop, their agreement holding firm that he would retreat with the ladies so long as she refrained from sending an overbearing number of soldiers. It irked him to agree, but he couldn't deny that she made a compelling argument that a random fight in the streets was more likely to kill people than a strategic withdrawal.

Grateful that his wife had taken the fore, allowing him to put his back to the wall and relax, Shinji watched trained enthusiasm become genuine enthusiasm as Yang, a known child of a high-ranking Shirakami, informed the woman who owned the Shirakami-aligned business they were in, that the Duke was interested in providing suitable jewelry for two more soon-to-be Duchesses. As the middle-aged businesswoman looked to him, he kept his hands in his pockets, shrugged with a 'what can you do' grin, and nodded in assent. Hikari had told him that they could easily absorb the cost, and she was the one responsible for the money. Trust, as in all things, was paramount.

Various gemstones were discussed, colors mattering more than any particular attachment to the configuration of mineral itself. Sizes were taken, discussions of metals, the shop owner tried to lower her voice so he couldn't hear when she said that they would need to be cautious because a pregnancy meant that the ring might become too tight if hands swelled. He wanted to thank her for trying to not spin him up, but that would have ruined what she already felt was a course well chosen. When Yang and Tsuru began to debate the possibility of coordinating with their eye color, he felt his phone buzz. Schooling his mental voice to silence, despite the surprise at the sequence of vibrations, he cautiously pulled out the somehow smaller than he remembered device and tapped the screen to check the text message.

' _Tell your wife that I'm not interested in talking to her.'_

He, somehow, kept the sigh from escaping his lips. _Kitten, Asuka would like me to let you know that she's not interested in talking to you. Thank you for trying, I'm…happy to know that you're not willing to just sit around and let her self-destruct. We might not be able to add her to our family in the way she wants anymore, but that doesn't mean we can't try to become better friends._ He began typing a reply, hoping that she'd listen to him now that she'd reached out.

Maya, true to form, responded with understanding, _Thank you for letting me know, Pup. I hope you realize I'm not going to stop trying._

Hitting send, he let a small smirk touch his lips, _Of course not. The woman I love would never quit on someone who she cared about. It's just not in her to do._

The warmth and affection she sent with her next words meant the world to him, _I love you. I need to focus, though. We're doing diagnostics on -02._

 _I love you too._ Letting the connection fade, he scanned the jeweler's once more. One of the older soldiers caught his eye, sparking a train of thought. She reminded him of one of his daughter's teachers, from a timeline he'd been married to Asuka in. A severe-looking, but deeply empathetic woman who refused to allow little Kyoko-chan to skate by on talent alone. Without a nametag, owing to her civilian attire, he couldn't be certain that it was the same woman that had simply taken a different path through life.

Forcing his eyes to move on, not wanting to stare at anyone like some demented stalker, he began to wonder how many people he 'knew'. He'd had friends, in other lives. Even loves outside of the usual few women. By and large he'd remained tethered to those attached to the Curse of Evangelion, but not exclusively. The life he'd spent happy with Nanako, or one of those women who'd gone through the 'Other World' of Persona, came to mind. Which caused him to tap out another message, this one to someone he knew would answer, ' _Sorry to bother you, Nana-chan, but could you ask everyone to help me balance whatever assistance I can provide for Fuuka-san with keeping us separated? I'm worried that by being too close to her, Creation might decide that I'm eager to bond with her. I'd rather not compound her traumas by taking away the freedom I'm fighting to give her, you know?_ '

How many people, he wondered, looked identical in every life? He had a reasonable eye for faces, and believed he should be able to recognize those who stood out enough, or had a strong enough tie to him at some point. The thought that some people were 'destined' to happen, in every timeline, began to feed the thought that perhaps those people were 'necessary'. That it would become possible to determine who Creation truly needed, and who was so much random luck. The mathematical permutations involved in bonding certain pairs of humans at certain times to create certain ancestors that would continue to be bonded until ultimately producing Hikari, or Yang, or Kelly, was baffling. It would almost seem to be harder, past a certain point, to allow for randomness for everyone else with how pre-scripted certain genetic lines would be. Once more, his phone buzzing pulled him back from thinking deeper.

' _Absolutely, Shin-kun. If she asks to see you, do you want us to tell her you're not available? What about letters? We're trying to keep her away from having a phone, because we don't know that she's not conditioned to do certain things if someone sends her key words. But a physical letter would be fine, right? She's asked after you, already.'_ Nanako, as ever, was both accommodating and thoughtful.

It made sense, and was a good way to maintain socialization, ' _Letters are fine. Tell her I'm busy training to keep everyone safe, and I'll try to visit when it's appropriate. It's not a lie, but she doesn't need to know how often 'appropriate' will be. I promise to write her back, as often as she writes me. I'm not wanting to be unfriendly, or distant…I just don't see anything good coming from risking her future options to involve myself in the healing process._ '

It wasn't long before her reply came through, ' _You're being the man we're all proud to know. Don't worry, I'll handle it. Focus on your date, and finding the right rings. Silly Shinji._ '

Taking the admonition to heart, he pocketed his phone and watched Hikari and Yang encouraging Tsuru about something. It was entirely probable that cost was involved, as he knew the farmgirl was as sensitive as he was to the thought of spending what both of them would feel was a ridiculous amount of money on themselves. _Tsuru,_ he sent so all three women could hear, _I want your ring to be what you want it to be. I'm not worried about how much or how little it costs, or anything else but that. If you're happy with a glowing neon red plastic band and jet black gravel for stones, then that's what you're happy with. Pick what you prefer, not what anyone else thinks is right._

All three ladies turned to look at him as one, grinned in similarly pleased ways, then huddled together to whisper about how wonderful it was to know that he said the nicest things. Returning to the event with renewed confidence, they shifted further towards the section of the case that contained sturdier rings. The 'practical' bands that would survive working with your hands daily. It meant more materials, which meant more money, but if it made her happy- His phone buzzed again, and he was surprised at the sudden impulse to just ignore it. He couldn't, however, give in to that seemingly irrational desire.

Asuka's message ignored his, not sharing how she was doing and instead focusing on what she wanted to know, ' _What were you going to tell me the other day? You said it was important. That I had to be at your prison._ '

"Maybe I should have ignored it," he sighed. ' _I really don't want to tell you over texts. Something like this is far too important to be so impersonal. I can come visit tomorrow, either before or after class._ ' It would mess with the flow of the day, but he couldn't keep delaying this if he had an opportunity to…. His brow knit as he realized that he wasn't entirely sure what he wanted to do by telling her. She had the right to know, for certain, but-

' _Why not now? Come spend some time with me. You've given all of those leeches months, you can be a little selfish and come see your Häschen, can't you? Show me that you do love me?_ '

His teeth clenched against each other, _Light, I need to borrow you for a second._ The one thing he would never do, is hide anything that even hinted of unfaithfulness. As his wife approached, he twisted the phone about in his fingers so that he could offer it to her openly, and without touching anything that might make it seem like he was editing things, "I'm saying 'No'. I just wanted you to see what I'm dealing with."

Without taking the phone from him, her hazel eyes flicked through the conversation, a frown growing on her face, "That's rather open for interpretation, isn't it? That one, you told me, means 'Bunny'?"

"You know the saying about being careful what you wish for?" Flipping the phone back into his grip, he shut off the screen and decided to wait a moment before responding, "I was…I was so certain. So _certain_ that…." Switching to speaking mentally, he opened up further, _It's like we were talking about after the movie today. Like what Kodama told me yesterday, lust and love getting confused. Seeking what you think is heartfelt affection, and not realizing that it's just…animalistic desire. If I truly loved Asuka, why on Earth would I be so willing to sleep with her mother? Kyoko is_ everything _I wanted Asuka to be, including willing to work within the family that we're offering her. How do I tell Asuka that her mother lives in me…how do I tell her that she was right that all we had between us was…._

Hikari Ikari was not a weak woman. Uncertain, anxious at times, but never weak. She knew that it would require strength to stay with her husband forever, to help him learn to feel different emotions that had been denied him for far too long, and that sometimes it would involve him learning hard lessons that hurt her as a woman to hear the truth of. She wasn't upset that he'd slept with Kyoko, especially since she now had reason to ask the extremely alluring woman if she was open to exploration. She wasn't upset that her husband, a good and faithful man, had lusted after someone as attractive as Asuka. What pissed her off, was that her husband still didn't understand that what he was suffering through was a form of Stockholm Syndrome, and that he still refused to blame an abuser for being abusive.

 _I would like to type out a response for you,_ she began. _I will not hit send, and I will not hold it against you if you do not choose to send it. But I would like it if you would read through what I would say, were I in your shoes, and seriously consider why it is I would say it._ Pleased, but not surprised, when he handed her the phone without hesitation, she spoke as she typed, _What you and Asuka have, my love, is not what you believe it to be. I agree she may very well not be the same woman that tortured you, that mutilated you, that pushed you into being what you were not for her own petty, vanity-driven, ends. You still see it all, every time she loses her temper._ Finishing off the message, she handed the phone back and looked at him gravely, _I can never fully apologize for encouraging you to be with more than one woman. I understand the irony in what I've put down, but you need to understand that the difference between me and her? I'm willing to admit that I need help. Maya-bear, Yang-chan, even Koko. You are just too much for any one of us to handle. But I have to give you the trust I wish to receive in return. So if you want to go see her tonight, I will not hold it against you. But you_ will _be taking either Ireul, or one of your wives along. Not because I don't trust you, but because you need protection. She will play you like a fiddle, and you will do something you will always regret. You're a victim, every bit as much a victim as Fuuka-san. And you need to start thinking of yourself in that light._ Tugging on his shirt, she pulled him down into a soft kiss, _I'm going back to our fiancées, I love you._

 _I'll always love you,_ he responded with a nod of understanding. _And I meant what I said this morning._ Watching her walk away, her hips setting her dress to swishing in a way she knew wound him up, he received his reply. She meant what she said, and she would always be available for whatever he desired. Turning his attention to what she believed he should reply with, he felt a pair of claws dig into his shoulder, _Something wrong, Arael?_

 _I have been speaking with my father. Of what you consider 'humanity', and of forgiveness._ The White Raven picked at her feathers, _I wonder, what it is that you desire from the superfluous one. Companionship is not likely. Her tastes and yours are not aligned. Offspring is equally unlikely. You yourself have declared that you are not interested in producing many. Your mind does not linger on her while you fruitlessly mate with others. So what is it, then, that you seek?_

Reading through the response once more, he edited a few words to be closer to what he would himself choose, and hit 'send'. _I don't know. I think that's a large part of the problem. I wouldn't be…broken, inside, if she found another man. I'd hurt, sure, but I think that's because I know I couldn't stop her from…._ Sighing, he set his phone back in his pocket. _Hikari was right to have me tell her that I'm not sure she's in the right mindset for a visit tonight. That she sounds like she wants things from me that I can't provide. Most importantly, that she needs to spell out clearly what she wants from me, before I can feel comfortable dropping my own plans for her whims. I have a life, I have responsibilities, and I can't drop them because she's decided out of the blue she wants to finally speak to me. She's important, but she's not more important than any of the other women I owe time to._

 _Hmm._ Instead of batting at his cheek, her feathers lightly caressed him, _That, Wanderer, is very rational._

+++++ 15th Angel + 3: Sunday (122)

Asuka laid on her bed glaring at the latest word from 'her' man. "He didn't send this. He _wouldn't_ send this. They're controlling him. Taking his phone, pretending to be him." Tossing the device on her nearby nightstand, she rolled over onto her back and crossed her arms to glower up at the ceiling, "I need to save him. He doesn't want to be with five thousand women, he wants to have one person who he can give all of his love and affection to. Someone who can help him by facing the world for him. Who can tell everyone else to fuck off."

Considering the barriers to her goal, she dismissed as insignificant the emotional attachment he might have to several of the women, "I can give him everything they do, and give it to him better. He knows I love him. All I need to do is get him alone, turn on the seduction, encourage him to let them go by helping him get off." The major barrier, the one that she wasn't certain how to handle, climbed to the fore, "How do I disentangle souls? They were able to separate them to put them in the Eva." Her mouth drooped to a frown, "Who came up with that?" Sitting up, she typed into her MAGI-connected laptop a query for reference materials on the subject, "…Yui Ikari? Well…maybe the in-law can help me save her son, to make up for abandoning him and leaving me with her mess."

+++++ 15th Angel + 3: Sunday (122)

"Well…the system says that the core has reached basic integration," Ritsuko stretched. "Right now, we need to wait for the physiological components to heal from the trauma, and hope that there's not a rejection." Looking over to her fellow scientist, she offered some comfort, "Why don't we head home? Spend some time working on something mindless. Nothing we do tonight is going to change anything, and we've done what we can…on _all_ of our projects."

Maya kept her eyes on the staffing reports, standing near the printer where she had stopped moving momentarily, "I have to be certain that these hours match. My people are working overtime they're not reporting, and I can't let them burn themselves out."

Standing quietly, the former blonde kicked her shoes off and circled around behind 'The One That Almost Got Away'. Reaching her goal, she wrapped her arms about the smaller woman and groped her firmly, "Have I ever told you about the game Misato and I play?"

Torn between chastising her nominal subordinate and enjoying the touch, Maya went for somewhere between the two and arched back into the embrace, "You mean the inappropriate one where she fondles you from time to time?"

"I let her do it," she stage-whispered. "It's a cheap thrill, but even those were hard to come by." Shifting one hand much lower, she breathed into her 'victim's' ear, "We could…instead of working on something mindless, see about dragging Misato home and relax another way?" Feeling Maya waffling, she dropped the vocal seduction and kept up the physical, "I know what you're doing. I've done it myself often enough, after all. You're not going to improve your chances at fixing things by hovering. Come home. Let me show you my talent at oratory, with or without a certain stupidly attractive woman we're both keen on, and let's come back tomorrow with clearer heads."

Tossing the papers atop the printer, she reached up and lightly played with hair that she felt was a much better color now that it was no longer bleach-choked, "I'm just…I have a feeling I'm missing something. That I'm not doing something that…. That when this blows up, it's going to be my fault for not noticing. I love our family too much, Rits. We have something magical, wonderful, in the women we've gathered…it would hurt to lose that."

Turning the former mouse and current lioness around, Ritsuko smiled gently, "Not even Shinji is capable of noticing everything. I happen to agree with your wife, in that whatever comes…no matter what happens, we're going to face it as a family. I have a place I belong now, with a man, and several women, who actually care about me. I won't give that up. Tied to his soul or not, my place is where all of you are." Bending down and kissing Maya deeply, she put paid to her declarations.

Enjoying the affection, and feeling a naughty thrill for doing so in her office, the elder farmgirl of Ikari Manor melted into an embrace that she too had felt had been placed forever beyond her reach. Settling back after a few minutes in wonderful repose, she grinned mischievously, "Let's go grope Misato into compliance with our dastardly whims."

+++++ 15th Angel + 3: Sunday (122)

Being placed in the same suite he'd proposed to Hikari in, once more occupying the room on short notice, Shinji was beyond grateful for the fact that all three of the women he was with understood his occasional need to retreat from socialization and recover his mind. The day had been largely wonderful, with one true glowing irritation, and it was that irritant that he was dwelling on as he stood on the exterior balcony overlooking the city and forests beyond. He could feel the women inside enjoying their time, playing a game on the television that involved guessing pop culture references faster than the other two competitors. A part of him was worried that everything was ruined, that they'd forever remember the part of this day that included him dealing with Asuka. The more sensible part, the part that remembered Arael's praise, said he was being himself and that needed to stop. His heart, in that spirit, almost stopped when he caught sight of Kyoko sitting on the railing with her feet dangling over the edge of the building.

 _…Before you say anything,_ she began, _I need to apologize._

 _Kyoko, I don't know if I know how to fly. Please, warn me before terrifying me like this._ Laughing, with relief more than amusement, he walked over and placed his hand atop hers, _I know you can fly, I just…I forget that you're not actually alive sometimes. I'm so used to gorgeous women just dropping in on me out of the blue._ When she looked back to him with intense pain in her eyes, he shook his head, _No. I'm not regretting what we did. Not after the day I've had. Creation gave me a wonderful woman. With that wonderful woman, came a situation that is unfortunate._ When she went to speak, he squeezed her hand, _Unfortunate, but not regrettable. Because to regret having you in my life would mean that I wanted Asuka more than I wanted Hikari. Or Tsuru. Or Yang._ Bending down and lightly pressing his lips to hers, he added, _Or you._

Turning her face away, she emoted pain, _Shinji, Meine liebster_ _Mausebärchen, we met, truly met, only three days ago by your body's reckoning. This is…_ this _is irrational. How could I allow myself to fall for a young man half my age? Seduce him? I…I took advantage of your kindness, I've turned you against-_

 _No._ Slipping behind her, he gently embraced her and thrilled in the way she slowly molded her body to his, _I'm not 'against' Asuka. I'm just going to be realistic about how she and I interact. If she can speak to me without impugning my wives, I'd love for us to be friends. If she can be calm long enough to talk face to face, I'd tell her about you! She has to be better off knowing that you weren't willingly separated from her. That her failure of a father stole you from her._

With a timid grasp, she held his wrists, _This…makes no sense._

 _You have no idea how wonderful it is to hear someone else say that,_ he chortled. _I've been in this timeline for one hundred and twenty two rotations around the planetary axis. A quarter of one full revolution around the daystar. Discounting the time I've spent in my soul, and the time I spent in Unit-01, It has been four months. I've gone from nobody to a Duke, piloted an enormous machine that operates on nonsense and broken physics, am the central focus of thirteen Pillars of Creation, and live in a house that is roughly the size of the moon. I am married to five women, engaged to two more just today, am at least seriously dating six others, and have whatever relationship status you want to provide for the two of us. I'm being pursued by two ex-wives of the progenitor of an incompatible strain of genetic life, who nearly wiped out all life on Earth in a cataclysm before I was born. I'm expected to be gifted four more relationships, two of which might be with women who are right now either dead and waiting to be cloned or alive and in a coma. To say that this makes no sense is putting it lightly. What you and I did? I think that was the most sensible nonsense I've had in quite some time. We've spent weeks in my soul together with the Aspects, the part of my family that I can't yet include others in. You've flirted with me and you've proven you won't put up with my being stupid. You've praised my family members for their successes, and worked hard to fit in with the family that's grown around me. You, Kyoko, understand me in a way that no one else can! You've spent eons in the Eva. You've been tortured for time uncountable. You, like I, came out of it somehow at least marginally sane. Don't take this away from me just because Asuka couldn't keep her shit together. Help me help her get help. There is nothing so terrible about being a friend with someone that you don't have sex with. I'd never fuck Vidar, and I'm still honored he considers me family despite my failing his sisters. Suzuki, Gen, neither of them would ever end up in my bed, but I'll do anything in the world for them. You are a part of my life that I don't want to lose, and Asuka can be a part of that life if she stops trying to hurt the people I love!_

Appearing on Kyoko's crossed knees, Arael roosted on the delicate cloth of the woman's incorporeal dress, _He is being rational. Do not expect me to support you, should you continue to choose to be irrational to spite him._ Lazily looking out at the world, the White Raven clacked her beak, _You have gone without touch, without companionship, for far too long, by Lilin standards. Any who would judge you for indulging with one who offers himself freely, are themselves irrational. You desired him, he desired you, no rules or agreements were broken._

Settling one hand atop the bird, the spirit stroked her nails through the White Raven's plumage cautiously, _I promised him I would take my time. I undercut that promise, Arael-chan. He can't expect me to be a voice of wisdom, of reason, if I can't keep my word to him._

 _You didn't jump me the first day,_ Shinji snorted. _Time is confusing for us outside of the Eva. It's even more confusing in my soul. I love you, Kyoko Zeppelin Soryu. I'm not withdrawing that love, not for a promise I consider fulfilled. You, even more than Leliel, have helped me understand some of what's happening to some of the human women I love. If you and I hadn't done what we did, I'd still be thinking it's them or their health, when I'm now pretty sure it's both them and me. There has to be some element of my…where my heart is, when we share. That credit, that discovery, falls to you. Asuka couldn't have given me that. She wouldn't have pushed me into another woman's arms. She wouldn't have encouraged me to experiment with anyone else._

Huffing out a caw, Arael punctuated his statement, _Rational._

 _You aren't the kind of man to go sleeping with women at the drop of a hat,_ Kyoko insisted on speaking all of her concerns, no matter his feelings on the matter. _What makes me different? What if by doing what I've done-_

 _We have done,_ he corrected. _I could have said 'no'._

A light thwap on his wrist was his reward for interrupting her, _What if now you believe that it's going to work out fine if you hurry into physical relationships with women who treat you well to start, but aren't the right kind of women for you or your family? Who will eventually come to abuse you, misuse you?_

 _Our family,_ he corrected her next mistake, unwilling to cede his ground simply because she was peevish. _You are a part of my soul, and if every woman is as eager to do well at being a part of our success as you are, we'll be fortunate indeed. As far as me jumping into bed with any random pretty woman that crosses my path, I think that Fuuka-san puts that to rest. I fought to protect her, yes. But I'd do that for anyone who'd suffered as badly as she has._

 _Irrational, but correct,_ Arael chimed in.

Ignoring his critic, he pressed on, _I'm putting barriers between her and I. Asking the Shirakami to help me keep her at bay. She's heart-stoppingly beautiful, she calls to that part of me that needs to protect people, she'd do or be anything I wanted her to do or be. But I'm deathly serious, unless Creation interferes she and I will exchange letters and see each other when it's appropriate until or unless she is no longer a prisoner in her own mind. You are an exception, by virtue of being exceptional. I had how many opportunities to throw caution to the wind and hope that a physical relationship with Asuka could somehow overcome the emotional and historical problems we have?_ _Each time, I asked my wives to save me. Each time, I ran for help. You? You just felt right. I trusted my gut, and I don't regret that one bit anymore._

 _Anymore?_ Seizing on the word choice, she looked up with a mixture of dread and concern, _So you did-_

 _When I spoke to Kodama,_ he winced, recognizing how the 'anymore' had sounded out loud, _I realized that I had just had sex with the dead mother of the person I irrationally thought my best friend. She helped me piece together that I'd still been seeing Asuka as a…a pastiche of the various Asukas I've known throughout all of the lives I've lived. That while I treated each of the other women in my life as individuals, regardless of how other copies of them treated me in other lives, I still viewed Asuka as…as a stand in for all of those failed existences. As an opportunity to right those irrational wrongs she made me believe I was guilty of that the her from this life had no hand in. I've even managed to find closure with the Misato that abandoned me to chase rabbits at NERV in the world I came from, but every time I hugged Asuka…I was hugging every Asuka I knew before. I was seeking validation through her for a broken past. I regretted doing something so permanent with you, because I irrationally…damn it, Arael._

Opening one eye to stare at him, his most outspoken Aspect remained where she was receiving soothing pets, _It is a functional word for your behavior, I regret nothing._

Grunting, he avoided criticizing the repetitiveness of her declarations, _Anyway…I was thinking that I had somehow hurt Asuka by not choosing her. Instead of doing what I've done all day, which is learn how stupid it is to make all of my choices based on what other people that won't give me the same courtesy will feel. Those three women in that room behind us will come out here and leave what they are doing if it would help you suffer less. Not because they love me, but because we love each other. Because they know that if they truly need us, we'll do whatever we can to be there. Minami Kajima, a young woman who a few months ago ham-handedly attempted to seduce me away from Hikari, showed more respect and made more of an effort to befriend my wife in an hour and a half at the arcades in public view than Asuka has in more than a month of knowing Hikari and I were together with multiple people out of the public's eye. Things_ must _change, Kyoko. If they don't, if they can't, then all I'm doing is propping up Asuka's bad behavior at the cost of everyone else's happiness. Do you_ truly _want me to do that?_

Kyoko's sorrow showed through her tone _, I'm her mother._

 _And I'm her Lead. We can't force her to choose the best path, or even what we consider the 'right' path. We have to show her the way, encourage her, and ultimately allow her to choose her own path._ He smirked, understanding how much of what he was saying was being said for his own benefit, in addition to hers, _We have to live our lives too. Together. For as long as you'll have me._

 _…Wouldn't if I could,_ she said, remembering his plea at the door to their house. _I'm sorry. I waited…well, you know how long it can be in your soul. I needed to apologize, to let you know I was sorry for…for something you aren't sorry we did._

 _It was important,_ he agreed. _Never feel bad about coming to me when it's important. You matter, just like they matter. I need to figure out a way to spend more time with you, because comparatively you're suffering, alone, longer when you're inside my soul._

 _I will keep an eye on her,_ Arael assured him, her eyes closed as she continued lounging in affection. _Your attention is often rightly needed in this world. Should she appear to be suffering, I will speak to you on her behalf._

 _I am quite capable of speaking on my own behalf, thank you very much,_ Kyoko huffed.

Hefting herself to her feet, the White Raven shook free of her hand, _Do not become irrational, and I will not treat you as irrational._ Stomping her foot, setting the spirit's dress to swaying, she leaned in, _You cannot perform your duties optimally without comfort. The Wanderer would insist that you be granted that comfort. The rational path forward includes those he trusts to be objective acting as he would ask them to were he to know of the circumstances._

 _We'll compromise,_ Shinji closed his eyes as he once more remembered that he'd chosen an odd word to use with Suzuka. _We'll take both of your positions into consideration. I trust that Kyoko knows herself best, and will do the right thing as often as she can. But, just like I know I'm an idiot sometimes, I'll expect that she'll need a hand remembering that I'm always available if it's important. We'll help each other, because we're family._

+++++ 15th Angel + 3: Sunday (122)

"There is great irony in this, I'm sure you're aware of that," Suzuka sat at the dining room table with a plate of crackers and glass of lemon water. "Coming to me, and asking me this."

Lilith, despite how badly she wanted to snap, simply kept her lips together and sat waiting for the next in a line of personal humiliations. She had hoped to catch Maya next, but had settled for the far tougher audience when she came close enough to where she sensed the physically smallest wife to know what was going on was not conducive to a positive response if she interrupted. She could now feel her knuckles cracking under the strain as her fingers, interlocked, clenched harder.

"I will spare you further agony, and simply reply that I am not his keeper. I will never approve of it, but it is not my choice to make. Including you, or not, is a matter for diplomats, not warriors." Sipping on her drink, she shook her head, "However, you knew this already. You knew this, and you came before me anyway." Choosing a small cracker, she tapped it against the dish as she thought, "There is a form of honor in your actions. He set before you a task you knew would not find success, yet you did not complain. You hold your tongue, despite wishing to lash out, and accept my decision." Popping the attempt at settling her stomach into her mouth, she nodded once, "I will tell him you have done as he wished. I will tell him that deferring his decision to me, or any of his wives, is a fool-headed move. Our standing with one another remains. Do not abuse him, and I will not abuse you."

With the third, and increasingly familiar, reply in her grasp, Lily slowly stood and swallowed her pride enough to offer help, "Sandalphon could assist with the nausea and unease to an extent. Should you call him, I'm positive he would respond regardless of Shinji's proximity."

Suzuka's pride, no less than the woman's before her, allowed her to incline her head slightly in gratitude, "I appreciate the advice, and will consider how best to apply it."

Forced to wait for the last two responses, the enigmatic elder being regretted not collecting the promised affection right away and left to go check on both Rose and Eve.

+++++ 15th Angel + 3: Sunday (122)

The bath tub in the suite, while not as enormous as that which he owned in his home, was of more than sufficient size to hold him and three much smaller teenage women. Yang, seated on his lap by desire rather than physical need, had listened with a critical ear to his explanation of what had happened out on the balcony as well what had occurred in his soul to prompt the discussion. As he fell silent, she soothed her hand along his leg, "That sucks. I honestly never thought about how long she must go between spending time with humans. If a minute out here is possibly days in there, she has to get awfully lonely."

Tsuru, toying idly with Hikari's hair as the freckle-faced beauty laid against her, shrugged, "So let's bring her here. She's nice, and we've had all day together. Including her, getting to know each other, that will help us grow as a family."

"I don't disagree," the Light of his Life dreamily soaked up the affection she was being given by the woman behind her.

Biting on the edge of his tongue, Shinji brought up a different idea, _Sachiel?_

The Colossus of the Deeps, the first foe he ever faced, the Aspect of Water, now stood three centimeters tall on the surface of the water, nodding in understanding. Without him needing to explain, the former Third Angel gently secured all of their physical forms in place by stiffening the water, to prevent drownings.

Dropping them all into his inner realm, he set them in a matching tub of water, heated to be perfectly enjoyable. While Hikari smiled contentedly, familiar with their surroundings and what could be accomplished, Shinji introduced the two first-time participants, "Welcome to my soul. It's not much, but I like to think of it as my home away from home."

"Uhm…hello," Kyoko, who had been working with some yarn that Bardiel made, blinked in surprise at the sudden invasion.

Yang, quicker than Tsuru to adapt to a changed situation, waved the spirit over, "Come on in, Kyoko, my fiancé seems to be able to make an obscene amount of water. We were just talking about your situation." When her elder hesitated, she smiled broadly, "No, seriously. Come in. I want to show off my engagement ring, and we'd love to get to know you better."

Standing slowly, setting aside her knitting, she tentatively moved towards the unbounded pool, "Where would you like me to sit?"

"Between Tsuru-chan, and Shinji," Hikari decreed, faux-regally. "You shall lean against our pillar of strength, and entertain us with stories of the fashion from yesteryear!" Turning to encourage the older woman, she patted the surface of the water, "Seriously, Kyoko. Nobody's upset at including you tonight. We're all a little shame-faced that we didn't think about how hard it has to be on you to spend so much time in here while everyone's busy."

Slipping out of her clothes, the same skirt and blouse she always wore in his soul, Kyoko waded into the bath and settled where she could rest with her legs against Shinji, but not close enough to crowd out Yang. This, in turn, left her open to the next step in Hikari's rapidly formed plan. A squeak of surprise escaped The German-Japanese doctor as Tsuru was pushed bodily against the near-to-middle aged woman, thereby pushing everyone into Shinji, and finally being blessed with a Class Rep laying across her and the other two, with her head just under Yang's chest. "Oh! Oh…well, hello."

"In the family I was raised in," she announced, with her normal warmth and understanding, "we call this a 'cuddle puddle'. We typically engage in it on the couch, or in someone's bed when nightmares are being had, but for this I believe we can adapt it so that the pool our wonderful husband has put together for us serves."

Tsuru, a bit shy to be quite so naked quite so _directly_ against a beautiful woman she had just recently met, nevertheless hugged Kyoko's arm and laid her head atop the older woman's shoulder, "My father wasn't big on hugs, preferring pats on the head, but I think I could learn to enjoy this…with some practice."

Yang, amused at the maneuver, tugged on Hikari's cheeks, "We're not trying to overwhelm our new friend, dear."

"N-no, no," Kyoko shifted slightly, putting one arm in Shinji's and then resting the hand attached to the arm attached to Tsuru on Hikari's knee, "I'm…I'm touching people. I've missed being able to do that. I'm, well, I'm more sorry that I'm taking away from your date night with him."

"We've had all day," Hikari announced after swatting Yang's fingers away. "Tsuru-chan said so herself. I happen to agree, and think that spending a little time in here with you to greet you in the buff will help you feel how much we want you to be a part of a happy, healthy, relationship with us all."

Shinji was grateful that his wife was stepping up and pushing through the awkwardness in his place. He'd made the decision to visit his soul, hoping that everyone wouldn't mind if she was actually able to touch and be touched, and initial returns were trending upwards for him, "I'm blessed with a group of women that work very hard to do for others as they would want done for themselves. That don't put up with people who won't give back what they receive." Lifting his arm and laying it around Kyoko's shoulders to lightly run his fingers along Tsuru's neck, he fought against the part of his psyche that insisted he was being a lecherous scoundrel, a disgusting pervert. The women he was with didn't want to be with him, and-

"He's doing it again," Yang sighed.

Tsuru reached across Kyoko, "Stop, my prince, you are not forcing us to be here."

Hikari, allowing the other women to show their affection, looked to Kyoko, "This, this is what you can help with. If you are looking for a way to feel as if you've 'earned', as ridiculous a concept as that is, a place in our family? Keep helping him feel as if he deserves the love we're offering to him. He's been so confident today, and I know part of that is because you and he shared your love for one another."

Her black hair swaying, Kyoko demurred, "It wasn't…even mostly love, dear. I _wanted_ to have him slamming into me like he owned me. I _needed_ to feel as if he couldn't live without existing inside of me. Was there love present…yes, yes there was. But lust, my dear, sweet, lady…that was a lot of lust."

Not unsettled by that at all, The Princess simply shrugged with a pleased smile, "If you could get him to display that a little more often too, I'd be ever so grateful." Running her fingers along the centerline of the woman they sought to reassure, she added hopefully, "Maybe, he and I can spend some time in here with you…learning to accept his lusts as valid."

Yang snorted a laugh, "If I told anyone outside of our household that it wasn't Shinji who spent the most time in the household flirting with people, they'd think I was lying through my teeth."

"I'm…trying," Shinji pulled Yang tighter against him as Kyoko smiled with amusement at Hikari's actions. "You, all of you, deserve to not be held prisoner by the insane ramblings of dead women." Clenching his eyes shut, he swore violently, "That…came out incredibly wrong, Kyoko. I'm-"

"Speaking the truth," the spirit, and mother of the only remaining timeline's variation on the woman she knew he was referring to, patted his side. "You're making an effort to overcome conditioning, and that's something that has to be supported by those around you." Looking amongst the three ladies, she included them in a tale of her own past, "You might have noticed, or been told by our dear Shinji, that I'm exorbitantly irritated with my ex-husband. What he likely hasn't told you, is what led up to me 'volunteering' for my position in Project E."

Leaning in against her, grateful for her forgiveness of the slip of the tongue, he murmured for the others, "She'd like it if I murdered him."

"I'd love it," Kyoko declared flatly. "I'd do anything he asked, pay any price he demanded. I'd smile before, during, and after the doing of them with a burning, loving, heart. All to see the carcass of the man that abused me and my daughter bloodied and broken before me." Winking slowly, she grinned at Hikari, "Something to keep in mind before you start flirting with the witch, my dear."

"If you think I wouldn't destroy the world to find and kill the woman who took Shinji from me, you clearly haven't been paying attention," the Class Rep responded with a calm stretch. "I'm coming to love all of the women in our house. Our family. I'll stake any one of you to the side of the house for the crows if you take someone I love from me. After all," letting her body relax, she looked directly at Shinji, "I'm an Ikari now, we're rather fiercely loyal creatures."

"So what happened," Yang was familiar with tales of treachery, and knew that they typically were either boringly dry or salaciously interesting depending on the skill of the orator. "I mean, did you not know your husband wanted you gone?"

The spirit's lips curled with remembered pain, "Earlier tonight, I'm sure Shinji told you this…I wanted to apologize to him. I'm older, have better control over my emotions, and still I seduced him. Part of the reason that I'm upset at myself…is that's how my own marriage started." Moving her arm to hold Tsuru tight, she took in the three young women, "The three of you, and what you're sharing with Shinji and each other? That is how a relationship should be. You're open, honest, and supporting. My ex, who I hope rots in Hell when Shinji sends him there, took advantage of my youthful naïveté. Took advantage of my…disorder. Took advantage of my eagerness to…to love. He manipulated my emotions, made me believe he was the only way I'd be happy, twisted my desires for his own whims. He wanted my talents, not my heart. Wanted my body, not my feelings. After I'd given him my successes and my daughter…he finally wanted my soul…." Anger and pain, sorrow and regret, all floating on a sea of determination and willpower, became visible as she took each young woman in, "I wished so badly to see my daughter grow up to be the kind of woman who I see in you. A devoted daughter and budding scientist. A leader and supportive wife. A loyal friend and eager advocate. In my haste, I risked Shinji's foundation with all of you…because I was lonely. From your perspective, I've only known him a few days. From mine, it's been years. Time, as he puts it, has a way of fuzzing in here." Setting aside her emotions, she sighed angrily and shook her head, "He is nothing like my ex, he is quite likely to grow into being everything I'd ever wanted…." She ran her tongue along the inside of her teeth, "He wouldn't have drugged me, taken me one last time against my will, shoved me into the entry plug, and forced me to endure thousands of years of suffering." Her jaw tensed, "I'm…I'm very sorry, my dears. The man you love is not the only person to have a tale of woe."

Rolling upright, Hikari eagerly wrapped her arms around Kyoko's neck, "You, my good woman, have not risked anything." She felt Yang join her in the hug. "Shinji is not our toy to wave around and demand others not play with." Tsuru's arms wrapped around Kyoko's waist. "He, like you, is free to reach for those who are willing to share in the hard work of building an eternal family." Her husband's mammoth hug enfolded them all. "I can't forgive what I don't believe was actually an error in judgement. You…you too deserve love, and it's not just my husband's that is out there for the taking."

"Don't hide yourself away," Yang encouraged her.

Tsuru agreed with quiet strength, "We'll need to spend more time here, too. So that you can…can have hugs."

"I already told you I don't regret what we did," Shinji focused on the warmth of their souls. "For this very reason. I learned something terribly valuable about myself for it, and now you've learned that we're all going to be here when you need us."

Both buried under, and supported by, a host of open-hearted youth, Kyoko let her eyes drift shut with a melancholic yearning, "You're going to make an old woman cry."

+++++ Author's Notes:

Huagh: RE: Fuuka & Persona 3 (FES).

Nothing more than sharing a given name. Fuuka Yamagishi's problems were far different, the solutions far simpler. More, and clearer, communication with her parents. The strength to find that she didn't need to put up with being bullied. Anyone can find those answers, with the proper support and introspection. Fuuka Hayakawa's answers aren't so simple, sadly.

JEnathan: RE: The Roles.

The concept for the Roles is borrowed from the concept of the Major Arcana, but it is not based on any of the traditional interpretations from the various Tarot. The "Social Link" concept is in play, but not aped wholesale, as it were.


	135. Chapter 135

+++++ 15th Angel + 4: Monday, November 28th (123)

"I'm just…saying," Tsuru whispered quietly as they walked into the Manor early in the morning to finalize the day's preparations, "I think that we might consider…doing that…more often." There was a twinkle in her eyes, and a heavy blush on her cheeks. "I feel like I've just had the best night's sleep ever, and watching you…this and that…."

Yang, while fully interested in seeing her soon-to-be husband let himself loose more often, had to remain practical, "I think there's only so many people that could be involved before it becomes too many. Sleeping like we did with Kyoko? Perfectly fine with a large group, everyone cuddling as they will. What we just managed in the hotel bed? That was probably pushing the max for that type of sleeping, and I say that because _some_ of us aren't as interested in _all_ of us the way you and Hikari are. I'm broadening my horizons, but my sails aren't that full yet, my friend."

Hikari, who looked like a woman ready to take on the universe single-handed, declared, "We _will_ have all the time in the world to find what we do and don't like. I, however, liked just fine what you let me do."

The experience itself was, to Shinji, far more than he had actually been ready for. He hadn't anticipated it, hadn't prepared himself to be a part of it, and was still somewhat overwhelmed by the wildly competing physical impulses he was feeling. He couldn't describe it if he tried, the magnetic tug towards Yang and Tsuru that was counterbalanced almost violently by the compulsion towards his wife. It was as if his body wanted to explode into darkness, collapse into light, both at the same time. Moving towards the kitchen, he let the ladies head back towards their rooms. Conjured by the woman sitting at the counter, the next wave of contrary emotions struck him firmly, "Kelly? You ok?"

A half-eaten bowl of fruit remained by a nearly full notepad and her phone as she glanced over her shoulder, "I'm wonderful, mo shíorghrá. I just need to coordinate a number of things this week, and wanted to start earlier than everyone else." Tilting her head slightly, she held a hopeful grin on her face that turned into a contented smile as he approached and bent down to kiss her lingeringly. Squeezing his side to indicate that she felt his duty fulfilled, she urged him towards the stove, "I might need to keep you out of class one day this week. If the schedules match up, we could be talking to Their Excellencies regarding your standing with the Holy See sooner than I thought."

"I'm…not going to convert to Catholicism," with his hand on the refrigerator door as he processed her statement, he frowned, certain that he'd mentioned that. "I thought we'd discussed that."

"No, no, no," she popped a slice of banana in her mouth and waved her hands frantically. "Diplomatic, not ecclesiastic. His Holiness directed His Eminence Johannes Brahe to meet with you at your earliest _convenient_ pleasure." Waving for him to continue cooking, she expounded on her statements, "That request is working its way through the chain, because _nobody_ comes into the country without going through extensive security, and a Cardinal does not typically travel alone. That means for now, I'm meeting with the Archbishop in charge of the Catholic Church in Japan, and the Archbishop responsible for Chūbu. This, of course," she laughed with disbelief, "means that someone was waiting for a letter from you. His Holiness would never act this quickly for _any_ head of state. His Eminence was clear that the only reason that we're not expecting the Pope himself is that the Holy See understands the extreme security measures in place, and does not wish to create further chaos when we least need it."

Keeping the meal moving, he tried to make sense of what the Catholic Church could hope to gain by sending someone to meet…him. "Kelly…you know I love you, right?"

"We're giving them nothing," she assured him. "No preferential status, no promises of attendance, no deferential honors beyond what you give to any other living human being because of your nature. I know that this is out of nowhere, and believe me I'm going to be involving other people in today's meeting, but we can't just ignore the man who stopped the entire world from destroying what survived Second Impact. We'll be polite, we'll be firm, but we'll listen to what it is they feel we need to hear. There are a _lot_ of Catholics, Shinji. It just makes sense that we play nicely."

Snorting a laugh, it was his turn to change the direction of the conversation, "No…I was going to ask why now? What prompted this? I haven't send a letter to Vatican City or the Holy See itself in this life, or even to someone in Italy by itself in weeks."

"I," she stretched out the vowel, "may have asked the Church what the chances were of having a wedding at one of the churches locally. Not a full Mass, just…a nice service. That you and I were bound by bonds unbreakable between our souls. And that I wasn't entirely positive of the liturgical answer for taking any form of communion when the defender of all mankind asked me to be with him as his shield against the evils of men's hearts…despite being required by beings greater than he was to have a multitude of wives."

The question wasn't inappropriate, nor was it irresponsible. It asked nothing of him, as far as conversion went, and she'd made it clear during the preamble to her admission that the forthcoming meetings wouldn't happen if they were going to ask for favors or obeisance. Still, too many lives had started to have fights about things just like this, "I won't become Catholic."

"Nor will I ever demand you do so," there was penitence in her voice. "Admiral Drake already asked Jacob to discuss with the Archbishop of Philadelphia what the Catholic Church feels on your existence, and our union. When he called to update our defensive standing and coordinate further assistance, he offered an address for me to send a query on the MAGI-net. Left with no choice but to either let someone else speak on our situation, or to take charge and do it myself, I sent the letter before I spoke to you. For that, I am sorry."

There was good faith in her apology. She had made a mostly harmless decision, intending to have a discussion with someone regarding a matter that was important to her. It had blown up, as things around him tended to do, into a full diplomatic event. She didn't enter into the matter with malice in her heart, and she wasn't defending herself expecting a fight. "I need to stop that." Sighing, he turned the burner down long enough to walk away from the stove and kiss her with affection as honest and sincere as her regret. As he moved back to the stove, he explained his utterance, "For some reason, I'm sure we both know what, red hair causes me to dwell on lives where nothing but fighting and misery took place. You aren't ambushing me, you aren't hiding things from me, we're just both busy trying to keep the world from falling down on our heads and you are a fully capable adult that I trust and love. Don't give away the house, I'm not becoming Catholic. That's all I ask."

His trust, like a physical wave, washed over her and brought shining relief to her mood, "As you say, dear." The matter had been settled, and she gained nothing by lingering on it. He trusted that she would represent their family, and by the God she sometimes doubted existed, she would die on that hill. "I have the physical copies of your records, Saki-chan made sure that they were all in order. What are we doing with them?"

If she was going to follow him, he had to start to lead them somewhere, "I want Rits and Misato to go over them, then we're handing them to Kiyomi for the biography. Any redactions necessary, I trust them to make. I need time with her scheduled to sit down and do the first interview, has that been arranged?"

"She hasn't had an opening that you've been available for," scanning through her calendar, she was in her element once more. "Looks like tomorrow during your lunch break at school is the first chance, if that's ok?"

"I'll make time. This is going to impact her career, and I don't want to be the reason she fails." The new Major had done a fine job, and he admired that. "I also need to try and fix Idunn again tonight."

"This was your free time," Kelly cautioned him. "You sure you want to spend your down time on a work project? Burning out won't help us."

"We'll go as long as Iri and Leliel feel appropriate," he agreed. "But right after school I want to do what I can. Can you make sure I won't be running over any medical care, or the time Jorth and Vidar need?"

"As you say." He gave, she gave. Anything else wouldn't work. "Anything else?"

"Mind if I lay down with you tonight?" He looked over his shoulder, "Just lay down. I know you want to wait, and I respect that. I'm not pushing for-"

"We'll lay down and see what comes of it," she wrinkled her nose flirtatiously. "I can _definitely_ fit you in for that appointment. I'll pass word along that you've already asked, so that the others have a chance to sort out their own calendars where they will."

His laughter was almost a groan, "It's insanity…this life of ours."

+++++ 15th Angel + 4: Monday, November 28th (123)

Maya was in a much better mood as she arrived at work, despite arriving at work far earlier than she was scheduled to. Driving in with Misato and Ritsuko, the trio of women attacked the day with a vigor that set tongues wagging regarding Shinji's Legendary Touch, despite him having been nowhere near the three ladies for more than a few minutes in the morning as he kissed them farewell and told them he loved them. NERV Tokyo-3's Chief Scientist had just crossed an item off her bucket list that she'd never thought possible. She, the girl who nobody thought would ever 'score the best', had notched the two unattainable hotties that she'd always lusted after. It was petty, it was juvenile, it was beneath her dignity, and she didn't give three figs. She, Maya Ikari, had managed to cause Misato's toes to curl hard enough to crack the knuckles, and caused Ritsuko to quiver like she was being electrocuted. The day was hers. Paperwork fell, orders were drafted, everything was set for success by the time her scheduled day started.

"Ok, folks," clapping her hands to call her morning meeting to order, she glowed with eager enthusiasm, "I know that most of you have been underreporting your overtime. I'm going to offer a one-time amnesty to every person who writes me an explanation of _why_ you haven't just come to me and asked for more time on these projects. Anyone that declines and has been guilty, I'm going to report to HR and have your badge access limited to specific hours that _I_ set. I will not have my people killing themselves because they aren't communicating. I am approachable, and you are not stupid. My team is the best, and we don't have to sneak around behind each other's backs."

A general sense of shame floated over the assembled staff. Standing before them was the best boss they'd had, and she was disappointed in them for not being the best staff she could ask for. She was treating them with respect, with kindness, fighting for what they said would help them succeed, demanding that they be paid fairly, but also insisting that they be good stewards of the money the people of the world trusted them with. She was placed in a difficult position because they thought they could maybe eke out a little more work every day, and while she supported their drive…she wanted them to be safe.

"We'll all take a little extra lunch break today, fifteen minutes more than usual, so that anyone who wants to do the right thing has time to. Ok?" Her smile never faded, "I've even asked that we get a nice healthy meal delivered. So swing by the main lab at your assigned break, and then add on those extra fifteen to the tail end. Anyone who just can't get away, contact your team lead. Team leads? You know how to find me." Clapping her hands together again, she ended the meeting with the joy she felt, "I care about each and every one of you. Please, be safe, be diligent, and be productive."

Following the unified cry of affirmation, which Ritsuko chose not to be part of for how silly it was, the former blonde walked over to her supposed supervisor and offered the tablet detailing the overnight results of Unit-02 combining with Unit-03's core, "If you're quite done reminding everyone how lucky they are to have you as a supervisor, I thought we might discuss something…odd."

Lifting up the tablet as if she needed a different angle on the material it contained and blocking everyone's view on her bout of childishness, she stuck her tongue out playfully towards her lover, "I had a wonderful time last night, and I'm not going to let you bring me down Miss Twitchy-Tits."

Ritsuko, while concerned about what she'd found in the logs for the previous evening, wasn't opposed to the reinvigorated woman before her holding onto the thrill she'd found in her bed the previous evening, "Are you always going to be this insufferable when you win? Because I'm not playing trivia games with you if you are."

A quick check to make sure they were alone now, and Maya's voice became childishly seductive, "If you don't play with Maya-chan, Maya-chan can't touch your special button, now can she?"

"How were you not like this when you and Shinji…you know," there was a tinge of blush around her cheeks, she remembered the 'special button' all too well.

"Oh I was," Maya sobered enough to laugh at herself. "Don't you remember the 'I'm married' giddiness? He and Hikari fulfill me in ways that you're just starting to let yourself, Rits. But, in turn, you provide me with something they just can't yet. I'm just happy that my life seems to be improving little by little, even when I can't do everything I want to do." Returning to 'work', she looked over the diagnostics, "I'll try again with Asuka tomorrow. Give her a bit of space today, to hopefully avoid an explosion. I'm not giving up, but you're right in that pushing probably isn't going to produce the results we need."

"Might want to take a raincheck on waiting," reaching over and tapping a button on the tablet, she brought up a new window with the information she'd wanted to brief.

Gray eyes narrowed, "…That's an odd subject for her to suddenly take interest in."

Ritsuko wasn't upset that the less backstabbing-inclined woman didn't pick up on the potential applications, "It would be…if she wasn't seeking to separate us from him."

+++++ 15th Angel + 4: Monday, November 28th (123)

Shinji stood up by the blackboard, waiting for the last of the students to filter through, glad in a way that the first period had become a 'free study' period. It wasn't that he disliked the old teacher from Nebukawa, it was more that now he didn't need to spend the period pretending to take notes every day. His position, and the manner in which he stood, indicated to the entire class that the man who protected them all had desired a moment of peace. Hikari, at her desk, spoke to Yang, and Tsuru, who was perched on Shinji's desk in a clear declaration that it was 'off limits'. All spoke with their hands, showing their rings without making an official announcement. It was, in his opinion, silly. But it was a silly that the women he loved desired and that was all the reason he needed to tolerate it.

"Oh," an unexpected voice broke into his musing, "uhm…good morning."

Standing in the doorway, dressed for the first time he could remember in a manner that would pass Hikari's strictest rule's check, was Minami Kajima. The only piece that was 'out of place', was the allowed hair decoration to keep her tresses from her face. That decoration, he noticed with surprise, was his handkerchief tied in a rather traditional style, producing a pony tail that was only slightly longer than the cloth itself. "Good morning, Minami-san," careful not to bow too deeply, or show too much interest in a situation he was almost certain he didn't fully know the reasons for, he balanced 'friendly' with 'Sub-Rep', "I'm glad to see you're feeling better today."

Holding up her injured hand, she smiled hesitantly, "Not broken, like you said. Still hurts, but hitting cement will do that." Turning, slightly, to include the three women who had come to a complete conversational halt, she still held her tremulous smile, "I wanted to thank the three of you for including me in your day, yesterday. I…have not been the best student, and you had no reason to trust that I wasn't going to be…an irritation. I spent some time thinking last night, about what you said Tsuru-san," she looked specifically to the seafoam-eyed beauty, "and I had a talk with my father. He's going to help me move out, closer to the school. In return, I'm going to get help from a tutor to get my grades up. They're…not great, but with some work I can improve."

 _If I hadn't heard her say it, I wouldn't believe it,_ Yang spoke in the silent mental channel. _How do we encourage this without making her think that she's any closer to what she's not nearly qualified for?_

Hikari, who had maintained her poise as Class Representative, answered the question aloud, "My husband and I are always available during school hours, Minami-san. As for after school tutors, I believe I can arrange for one of the students from 3-B to give you a hand. Sometimes an outside perspective is better to make _long term_ progress, don't you think?"

Catching the not-so hidden meaning, the woman who no longer wished to engage in a life of delinquency ducked her head with understanding, "Thank you, Hikari-san. I'll try not to disappoint you by wasting the tutor's time. If…uhm," she looked to Shinji, with a hint of concern, then back to her Rep, "if we could maybe find a chick? I don't…uhm…."

"I have a hard time studying with men around myself," Tsuru stated in a clear voice. "Shinji is incredibly distracting, and a lot of the other guys before I became friends with him thought that I was only interested in things that I was not." _She's trying to change, we can't be mean about this. But since we started her on this path, isn't it our responsibility to make sure she's 'safe'?_

Shinji, wanting to keep the pressure he felt building in the room from exploding, faked a put-upon expression, "I'm distracting? You say that like I'm not the one who has someone randomly sit in my lap while I'm looking over the formulae!" A gasp and titter rippled through the room, "Nozomi-chan and Yinghua-chan don't come to _you_ with their elementary school textbooks. Oh no, they come to their nii-san. Because _you three_ tell them to, I bet. Trying to keep me from keeping my grades up so you can steal my spot." Looking to the woman he hoped was sincere in her desire to improve, he continued to play the victim, "I'll make sure the tutor is more motivated to help than mine are, I promise."

Gratitude flowed off her as she grinned with relief, "Thanks, Shinji-san. I…I really appreciate the talk."

 _Thank you for not being the kind of women to go insane with jealousy._ With his own appreciation sent to the women of his household, he reached out and gently gripped Minami's shoulder and pitched his voice for her ears alone, "If you want to thank me, keep walking the path you've chosen. Become the kind of woman _you_ want to be. I know it's hard to resist people telling you that you're wrong about how you view things, or that you're a terrible person…believe me, I know. But you can do it. I have faith in you."

"Thanks…senpai," sharing a tight grin as the bell rang to indicate the beginning of the school day, she ducked past him to move to her seat. Steadfastly ignoring the looks of surprise from a few students, the looks of contempt from those that thought she was dishonest, and the looks of curiosity from the rest, she pulled out her notebook and began to study as best she could with what few memories she had of the art.

Finding his own seat, Shinji surprised the women in his soul with his own question, _How do you know if you actually love someone? I mean…I know I love you three. What I feel, when I hold you, when I think about you, when I worry that you're eating right, when I worry that the cough you have is something even worse than something hitting the wrong part of your throat…. It's love. I know it is. But how do I tell for Idunn? I want her to be happy. I want her to be free. But I can't trust the fact that I find her attractive. I find_ Asuka _attractive, and the longer I think on her and I together the more I realize that we'd be terrible for each other. I'd enable the worst of her impulses, and she'd encourage the parts of me that all of you rightly say I shouldn't entertain._

Yang sighed behind him, _If either of you tell me you weren't suddenly very afraid he'd fallen for Kajima before he mentioned Idunn, you're lying liars who tell lies._

 _The thought had crossed my mind_ , Tsuru admitted, relief coloring her tone.

Shinji shook his head subtly, _…Seriously?_

Hikari shifted over as if she were correcting something on his notes, caressing his hand, _My love, you have a weak spot for vulnerable women. You've done heroic, gallant, dunderheaded things because a pretty girl with a problem needed a Paladin. You can't take us to task for being anxious that you're backsliding._

The sound of his pen breaking echoed in the quiet classroom, the top breaking off as his fingers tightened unexpectedly. "Irritating," he muttered loud enough to be heard. Dispelling the liquid ink with Sachiel's help, he stood and threw the remainder in the trash before excusing himself, "I'm going to go do what I can to clean my sleeve."

 _Shinji, we_ -

 _Save it,_ he was out the door and down the hall before another word could be said. Closing down his thoughts so that he didn't need to hear theirs, he reached the bathroom and with Bardiel's help he replaced the shirt itself. The tightness from earlier in the day resurfaced, the work he'd done to overcome it by engaging with Kelly proving either insufficient or simply a patch over a malady he couldn't explain.

His mind was torn, and it used the disparity of thought to fixate on that wound. He'd spent all day, Sunday, showing them how much he trusted them. He let them set the agenda, pushed himself out of his comfort zone to exist in the world beyond the Manor, and when he saw someone hurting he asked for a little trust in return. They'd acted, and reacted, like the women he loved. Today, when he tries to continue being a supportive person to someone who needs help….

Were they accusing him? Did they have a reason to? Stalking back and forth, he tried to understand himself through their actions. "She's attractive, but so are they. She's coming from a bad situation, from a family that didn't support her, and is making decisions in an effort to fix that. She didn't flirt with me. She's just wearing something I gave her to help herself remember that I told her she was valuable. They're _all_ valuable. I'm not going to…." Stopping, he rubbed at his temples, _I'm not going to what? What if I did fall in love with her? What if she became the kind of woman she wanted to be, and that woman was compelling? If I have to validate every woman I bring home through every woman in my home, I'm never going to fill the spaces._ Looking at himself in the mirror, Shinji noticed something out of place, _That's…not my left eye._ Radiating with what could only be called an absence of light, his right eye was pulsing. Willing Bardiel's song to hide him, he made his way to the school's roof. Once he was out under the open sky, away from where others might see him, he gripped the iron railing by the fire escape to hold himself upright, "When did I start to matter?" His face scrunched, "When did I start wanting…."

Kyoko appeared before him, fear and contrition written plainly across her features. What she was about to say, however, was cut off by Ireul and Leliel materializing, the latter holding her hand between them, "No." Taking Shinji by the arms and pushing him away from the spirit, she shook her head, "No, nothing you are feeling is 'wrong'. Because if you feeling it is wrong, then my feeling it is wrong, and you would never tell me that feeling it was wrong."

Ireul, holding Kyoko back by sheer presence, added her own thoughts, "Congratulations. You managed to be the one we thought would be someone else."

His head wanted to split apart, his bones ached, he was sweating despite freezing, "Leliel…stop." Digging in his heels, he prevented her from moving him any further, "I'm…I'm…." The void slowly crawled back inside his eye, leaving him panting and leaning heavily against the former Angel of Night, "I'm…ok. I'm fine."

"Says the man who continues to deny an entire _category_ of his being," Ireul sighed. "You-"

It was Kyoko's turn to interrupt, with a growl of rage and an extension of her aura that bent several of the nearby metal slats, _He's trying not to become the very thing he hates!_

The Aspect of Terror, far stronger than even Shinji was aware, simply relaxed her control over her domain and let it do the work of silencing the woman. Standing perfectly calm, with her face displaying a patient understanding, she cowed the former mortal while she spoke soothingly for Shinji, "He is fighting against balance. He is not desiring the things you are afraid he's desiring. He's not eager to start adding women at random as notches on his bedpost. He is asking himself a very valid question, 'What do I want out of my life?' To be frank, it's somewhat overdue." Stopping the assault, she tilted her head, "Your own history is enough of an explanation for your reaction, my lady. Do not, however, lose sight of the fact that while I am welcoming of you…I am more inclined to defend his growth."

"Why are you running away from it?" Leliel reached up to rub her fingertips beneath his right eye, "It was so beautiful."

Shinji tried to talk, but found that there weren't any words that made sense.

"He's running from it, because inside of that darkness, sister dear, is a great deal of pain." Stepping out of the way, Ireul allowed Kyoko to move towards their husband, "The Light contains his rage, his anger, all of those things that our dear friend is meant to siphon away so that he holds a clear head. He's now discovering what his Darkness contains."

Running up invisible stairs, the German-Japanese doctor took his cheeks in her hands and checked his eyes while standing in the empty air before him, _Please…._

Gently moving aside the Aspect supporting him, Shinji hugged Kyoko, "I'm sorry, I don't know what it is you're afraid of. I promise, though, I'll listen to whatever it is you're worried about." Taking a deep breath, he felt the pain begin to subside, "Once I apologize for worrying you."

"She's afraid you'll start to bed random women who strike a sudden fancy," Ireul smirked, amused by the very notion.

Shinji frowned, "…Really?" Leaning back and looking at the more than moderately embarrassed, and distinctly gorgeous spirit in his arms, he repeated himself, " _Really_?"

To Kyoko's surprise, it was Leliel that came to her aid, "Daddy, the last man she loved tortured her, raped her, threw her into a machine that ate her soul, and raped her again after she came out half-sane. He then went on to abuse other women, including her daughter, and was nearly responsible for the death of the new man she's grown to care for over the rather long time she's spent in his soul." When she became the center of everyone's attention, she scowled, "What? It's what happened. It's why she's terrified. I'm not saying anything untrue!"

The former Eleventh Angel raised her one eyebrow in an effective glower, "Tact, sister dear. It's not what you use to hang things on walls." Lightly touching the still anxious woman holding to the man they loved, she smiled, "I'm sorry, though, that it's true. Your fears were founded on real pain, but have no rational grounding with the good man who's won our hearts. He has a right to feel disrespected that so many of the women in his life are questioning him suddenly, when his entire being is dedicated to not hurting those he loves by acting in such a manner."

The Aspect of Night stuck her tongue out at her sister, before looking to Shinji with a serious gaze, "You wouldn't mind, if you weren't attached to anyone, maybe finding out how that lady downstairs handled, would you?"

"I…." The reflexive denial, the instinct to state without equivocation that he would never be so crass, died as he realized the lie of it.

"If he was not attached to anyone, if she was willing, and if it would not harm anyone else," Ireul filled in the rest. "Which even you, my dear, must admit is a perfectly legitimate thought. He is not seeking to create the situation, nor is he delegitimizing his relationships with anyone else. He's accepting that he's interested in her well-being, and that if things played out correctly, that he would not abhor the idea of her being closer."

Slipping under the arm further away from the doctor, Leliel brought Shinji and her to the edge of the building, "That lady down there," she gestured to Kiyomi, who was scowling at a report she was reading regarding his disappearing act. "Be honest, now, if she was willing, would you allow her to become closer? Would you get to know her better, and maybe someday find a place in your soul?"

"I…." Faced with a question that needed an answer, he shook his head, "I'd need to know how she felt. It's not what I feel that matters." Pulling free, gently, he stepped up onto the ledge, "I need to go apologize and explain to her. Then get back to class." Dropping off the building, he moved to put paid to his words.

As Kyoko disappeared, unable to maintain her presence in his absence, the two Aspects remained up on the roof of the school. The elder, well fed by the man she loved, clicked her tongue in frustration, "Three steps forward, and two backwards."

The younger turned to sit on the same ledge he'd dropped from, facing her elder sister and shrugging, "He can't deny it much longer. Especially since he's already asking those three how he'll know he's in love." Bunching her lips off to the side, she had a momentary bout of sympathy, "It's going to hurt if they don't meet his criteria, whenever he figures it out."

"He loves them," Ireul assured her. "He loves more than them, and that's his problem. He's using an emotion that he overflows with to determine who he should bring along with us when we leave. I do not mind the crowd, and once he's in control of everything there won't really _be_ a crowd…but if he chooses to retain his humanity, he likely will hate himself _for_ the crowd. Us, mother, the seventeen Lilin, and Lilith, plus the crew of that desert rat's ship, and any additional hangers on?"

"The Lilin are weird," Leliel rolled her eyes. "They make such a production out of his being who he is, then don't support him when he acts like what they admire. I'm surprised he puts up with it. He has us, why does he need them?"

"Balance," she chided gently. "You know full well that a repeat of our father's mistakes lies down the end of any path that does not follow some form of balance. Creation has made it quite clear that he will not be allowed to accept less."

+++++ 15th Angel + 4: Monday, November 28th (123)

"Are you sure?" Misato looked between the two women, "Not 'kind of sure' but _sure_ sure?"

"The MAGI log everything on base," Maya wagged the tablet she was holding. "I'd know if someone faked the logs, because there are markers that stand out to someone familiar enough with them. She's searching for information on how Yui Ikari managed what she used to separate a soul from a body."

"No," the sub-commander leaned forward in her chair, resting on her elbows against her desk. "Are you sure this would stand a chance of working?"

Ritsuko frowned, "There's a non-zero chance. Which is too high, in my opinion."

Violet hair fanned slightly as she rocked her head from side to side in thought, "What if he wants someone to be free? What if he wants to offer us a chance to leave?"

Maya clasped her computer closer to her chest, not afraid of the questions but surprised by the source, "Having second thoughts?"

"Hell no," Misato snorted. "I'm contemplating having you two investigate the problem, now that I know that someone thinks it's possible. What if someone develops this and weaponizes it? What if someone abusive gets sucked into the relationship? What if someone loses their ability to handle or cope with dozens of women banging 'their' man? Can we, technologically, make this easier on Shinji, and each other?"

"I doubt the process wouldn't be detrimental, even if it was functional," the former blonde scientist hedged. "But I don't want to risk my happiness on Asuka's unhappy drive to make everyone else as miserable as she is. I _like_ where I am. I _like_ feeling his emotions, even as anxious and hurt as he is right now with whatever happened at school. I _like_ how he suddenly has that spike of desire when he sees me. So, _boss_ , what are you going to do about it?"

"Has she violated any laws?" She raised her eyebrow, "Are the records she's reviewing forbidden to someone with her clearance?"

"Technically, as she's not on my staff, she's not using them for official use, which is what they're marked as," Maya offered.

"Then, _technically_ , I'll order her brought to my office once Shinji is available. She's his pilot, and I will need to include him in the official reprimand." Sitting back, she gestured to her door, "I told you, if you find something I can use I'll use it. Now scoot. I have paperwork to do if I'm going to be dealing with an angry semi-German later, and a meeting to be at here in ten."

+++++ 15th Angel + 4: Monday, November 28th (123)

Kelly smiled politely as she caught sight of the last person she needed for the preliminary discussions with the Catholic Church, "Everything ok, ma'am? Your EA mentioned something about fire and an octopus?"

"Former EA, and I'm fine," Misato waved away the rest of the question. "She's not a quarter of the talent you've got. How's Watanabe-kun coming along? If you can train her properly, I might steal her from you. Anyone taught by you has to be better than what I'm finding."

"She's got talent, but I'm not throwing her to the wolves like that," the redhead stated firmly. "My intent is to set her up for long term success, and trial by chaos is not the best way to go about that." Gesturing to the room, she cleared the path, "A bit of statecraft, and then we'll be able to manage the discussions you sent me just now with Pilot Soryu. Are you sure you want me there for that?"

"You'll be waiting out in the lobby, it's a formal reprimand coming from two members of her chain. Followed up by a discussion regarding her mother's status. When she goes for him, I'm pulling her off of him, you're coming in and comforting him. I'd do it the other way, but I'll need to counsel her for trying to rearrange his face and you can't do that."

Kelly had a slight look of distrust, "Counsel?"

"In one on one combat, I'm second only to Suzuka in the house," Misato's smile was flat. "If she punches my boyfriend, I'm going to forget that I'm her superior for a moment and dismantle the little shit. As bad as she might feel all of this is, it's her fault for disobeying orders. If she wants to try and take it out on him, she's visiting the holding cells."

+++++ 15th Angel + 4: Monday, November 28th (123)

"I'm fine," he knew that they wouldn't buy it, and he wasn't entirely certain how eager he was to sell it, but for the moment he needed them to simply have a quiet lunch. Nothing he'd spoken of up on the roof had helped, and all he felt he managed to accomplish was to hurt Kyoko more. She had baggage, as anyone with her life's story would, and now her baggage was his and he'd fumbled it. With his back against the tree, and his food unopened and untouched, he kept his eyes shut and his mind processing everything that had piled up on him.

It was Tsuru, in a bid to restore and maintain order, that helped him first, "Yang-chan, I was wondering if you knew of a good way to wash grease stains out of cloth. Working in a restaurant, I'm sure you've more experience than I do. I saw some spotting on Nozomi-chan's pants, and nothing I was trying was working. It happened on my laundry day, and I don't want to push it off to someone else, you know?"

Gratitude, with some contrition mixed in, pulsed in his heart for the way the conversation moved away from him. It had been happening more often of late, that he needed these breaks from others. Physical presence, he hoped, would be enough to overcome the lack of mental or emotional availability. An odd scent caught his nose, a pair of students moving past the group towards the incinerators with what he sensed was a failure of cooking prowess. The distraction brought to mind the shopping strip they'd visited, the arcades, the dumpsters where the unsold food was placed for composting. He had people to be with, unlike many. Some days it seemed that it was unlike most. He didn't want the world to revolve around him…yet here it was.

Was Kajima their concern? Was it that he might add anyone at all? Was the house 'full', finally? His brow knit as he thought of that last word. He knew he had more women to bond. More lives to ruin. More people to try and fit into a box full to bursting. Who else, he had to wonder, would he be forced to love? Did he 'get it over with'? _Could_ he get it over with? _Arael._

Alighting on his knee, the White Raven stamped out a spot for her to stand, then asked patiently, _Yes, Wanderer?_

The way the others kept speaking, he knew his daughter had kept her presence concealed, _Who is missing?_

 _Many,_ she replied simply. _There is no simple way to define what Creation might require you to have. The Rook, The Judge, The Artist, The Solitary, these or many other possibilities could easily fill out the last of the imbalance as we see it. Perhaps, owing to your attachment to your Desert Blossom, you shall require another Lilin. You ask for a definite answer of an indefinite situation. Who is to say that others might not join?_

 _The Judge? Like, one of those Judges?_ Shinji worried at the potential complications that might bring.

 _They are of Adam, and would not qualify for the post,_ Arael squeezed his leg comfortingly. _You require one who might help you dispense justice to all. Who would hear the disagreements of all reality and create uniformity and mete out punishment for wicked deeds. This is not to say that the beings you reference may not desire a closer union, however. All things are possible, given the right series of events preceding._

He could accept that as true, with all he had seen and experienced, _So…at least four. Maybe five?_

 _Or more. Were the future set in permanence, I would know more. You would not have had the flawed vision that your Princess offers, either. Her focus on the worst of outcomes blinded her to the best, as her natural pessimism drove her to find ways that things might go wrong so that she could prevent them._

 _As opposed to seeking out the best…and aiming for those instead,_ his shoulders drooped. _We…might have saved a number of women from having their lives upended._

 _Doubtful,_ Arael huffed. _If Creation had not intended for The Princess to exist as she does, they would have made her differently. That which is, is only as it is, because of what has happened before. While Lilith urged those choices that would produce you, and those things she required, Creation was not idle. The Princess is necessary, her actions the product of her being. You fret overmuch at their freedom being lost, for they lament it not._

 _I…wouldn't want to be the type of man who thrills at the situation, Arael. If for no other reason than to keep myself from taking them, and their feelings, for granted I will continue to 'fret' that their choices have been robbed of them._ Reaching out blindly, he gently stroked her plumage, _But I understand what you're saying, and appreciate the advice._

 _Irrational,_ she clicked her beak quietly. _Though understandable._

Enjoying the feel of her impossibly soft feathers, he continued the motions as he thought, _I know what an artist does, and what a judge does. So, logically, I should be on the lookout for people who would fit both the household and that role. Does Creation actively herd better choices before me?_ He remembered the half-Vietnamese lawyer that helped him once, _Should I wait patiently?_

 _The rational path would have you seek them out. Audition. Choose those best suited to your tastes and needs, setting aside those who do not._ Freeing herself from his hand, she hopped onto his arm and climbed to his shoulder, _Many are available around you in this very moment._

His eyes opened, and he followed her gaze to Kiyomi, _Her?_

 _A Rook is as much of a weapon as they are a protector. They adapt, they defend, they supplement those they serve as needed. Her training, her personality, her temperament, all predispose her to operating independently of you to further your goals. However, much that the Rook does must require sanction and protection from above. Without legal authority, a Rook is little better than a common thug using main strength and low cunning to affect petulant change._ Patting his cheek, she leaned in, _She is not the only person who fills that role, however. How many others have you met that fill that description?_ Shuffling closer to his head, she leaned heavily against him to change where he was looking to the school, _In that building, lies a different type of Rook. A piece upon a board from a Western variation of your own game. This Rook would instead view things in a more straightforward manner. Carrying, transporting, providing what is needed to where it is needed, so long as there are supplies to enable them._

 _You know the word…but with so many potential homonyms, we can't know what kind of person is needed._ A spike of irritation flooded him, _So I can't even be certain that I would fill the roles appropriately. I might need a painter, and instead I find a sculptor. Or I might need a mediator, and instead find a minister._

There was pride in her soothing tone, _You begin to understand why I do not take a more active position on matters. Creation guides you, Wanderer, not I. I will provide advice, as I can, and wisdom, where I have it. Your questions are not ill-intentioned, though they may be ill-considered. Perhaps, instead of The Judge, you require The Star. Or The Snake. Too much is unforeseen, or unforeseeable._

So much of his life remained opaque to him, and as badly as he wanted to rail against the unfairness of it…he couldn't disappoint those that relied on him. _How many women is too many?_

 _I believe your question is rhetorical,_ she gently nuzzled his temple. _The answer, however, is when they no longer love you._

+++++ 15th Angel + 4: Monday, November 28th (123)

His destination had been changed for his time after school had let out, Kelly having sent him a text asking him to show up in Misato's office, and while he wasn't surprised to see the antechamber empty he was slightly disappointed. Letting himself in, sensing Misato was alone, he skipped over the formality of a greeting, "I begin to worry that part of the problem is you're expecting too much of _one_ EA, and perhaps should hire three at a time. Maybe with quantity, they can overcome the lack of quality you're seeing."

With the door closed, the vivacious sub-commander hopped out of her chair and pulled him down into a lingering kiss. What she was about to ask him to do would be hard, it would be painful, and it was absolutely necessary. Doing anything else, or anything less, risked far too much. After fortifying him with affection, she let him stand back up and eyed him sternly, "Just because you took the best people for the job, and refuse to graduate early so you can come work under me all day, doesn't mean you know better than me, mister." Pleased at the light grin he had, she patted his chest, "I've already considered it. The problem is a lack of people with the potential to gain the right clearances. Too many red flags."

Shinji could accept that, "I'll keep thinking, then. You need support, if I'm ever going to have an evening with you."

"Believe me, I appreciate that," she stated with fervent honesty. "I need you to come stand by my desk, now. We're expecting company soon, and you need to put on your formal NERV uniform."

His brow knit, "They're not pinning anything on me, are they?" His clothes changed easily to what she'd requested, an outfit he had never worn but had been requisitioned as soon as he took the position as Lead Pilot. "I _really_ don't need more titles or honors."

"Not as such," she'd have rather had them do that today than what was about to happen. "Asuka was caught going through materials she's not cleared for, and I have to write her up. She's your pilot, which means you're here too. I've already asked Section Two to bring her here, and they should be arriving any minute. After she's been counseled, and we explain what will happen if she persists…it's time to tell her about her mother." Anticipating the worry that suddenly dominated his face, she held up her hand at chest level, "No. We can't wait any longer, and I won't let rule violations go unpunished because she's having a bad day. _You're_ having a worse year, and you're still abiding by all of the rules. She needs to know about her mother, and we need to maintain order. Either you are a leader, or you're pretending and we need to have a discussion between us about how inappropriate _that_ is."

"This isn't the way we should do this," he muttered, facing the door.

Her heart warmed at the way he'd accepted the situation, and stayed warm that he wasn't eager to do what needed to be done. "I promise, I won't do anything she doesn't earn," she took the victory where it came, and tried to brace him for the worst.

Facing the door, Shinji assumed the posture he'd long since associated with leaders. His hands clasped before his hips, his shoulders back, his spine straight. He would appear menacing to almost any human on Earth, save those who loved him, and the one woman that he had to let go of. Slowly pressing down with his thumbs, and then relaxing, he sought peace amongst the coming storm. Misato was by him, the world would continue onward.

The door opened, a few moments later, admitting a visibly angered redhead and two large women that appeared more than slightly pissed off. The shorter, by a hair, reported in a voice that could have fractured stone, "We had to carry her most of the way, ma'am. Sorry for the delay."

"It's fine, Agent, thank you for escorting her." Still seated behind her desk, Misato looked nothing more than like a female Gendo Ikari, "If you wouldn't mind waiting outside my offices, in the hall. Kelly Chambers is authorized, and anyone who might be able to win a game of 'flip you for it' against me, but otherwise no entry." Receiving two firm nods, she waited until the door slid shut to address the fuming pile of wrath and pain standing by her couch with her arms crossed and her foot tapping a rapid tattoo against the carpet, "Please, Pilot, have a seat."

The response was immediate, "Fuck you, I'll stand."

Shinji, honor-bound to respond, kept his tone as friendly as he could, "Pilot Soryu, I will remind you that civility with our superiors is not optional."

"She's not your superior, meine Mausbärchen," Asuka's anger had not faded, though the voice she used to address him wasn't as pointed as it had been in other lives, "none of them are. You are better than them, and they are abusing you. I'll find a way to fix it, don't worry."

Misato kept her own emotions tightly controlled, "Do you know why you are here, Pilot?"

"Because you're tired of me ignoring your calls?" Flipping her hair behind her shoulder, she sneered, "I'm on standby, unless it's an emergency, I don't have to pick up my phone."

"Pilot Soryu," Shinji's fingers ached for how hard he was clenching them, "for the second, and final, time…civility with our superiors is not optional." This wasn't how he wanted to tell her, "Your presence was mandated because you have accessed files without proper authorization. As your supervisor, it is my duty to inform you of the potential consequences of your actions. Final judgement remains Sub-Commander Katsuragi's to-"

"Shinji, stop." Crossing quickly to him, she ignored the other woman in the room and placed her hands on his chest, "Listen to yourself. Is this what you want? She snaps her fingers and you come crawling to be her puppet? You don't want that. I know you don't. They've forced you into servicing a household of lies, studded you out like a prize stallion. We don't work for them, at most we work with them. Stop lying to yourself, and come stay with me. I'll show you what I've been working on, you'll understand."

"I…." _Can't? Won't?_ Letting the formality slide, in the hopes that he could restore order with a more personal touch, he looked down at the confounding, confusing woman before him, "Asuka, you broke the law."

"He's talked me into lessening the punishment," Misato added. "But the more you act like a child right now, the closer I'm coming to changing my mind."

"Stop," Shinji cut in before Asuka could retort. "Accessing classified records alone could land you in prison for two years per record. Considering what you know, they could very well declare you a threat to global peace and lock you away forever. I need you to stop doing whatever it is you're doing. If you agree, and you abide by your word, the Sub-Commander won't sentence you to any time in the brig. You'll receive a warning, a formal reprimand, and that will be that."

"Would you let them lock me up?" She frowned flirtatiously, "Wouldn't you keep me safe?"

"I am not above the law," _Misato, I need you to help me out here. If we're going to talk to her about Kyoko, she needs to stop flirting with me._

"Sign the form," Misato turned the legal document around and placed a pen beside it, "take a seat. Because the _other_ form," she tapped the second document, "doesn't require your signature, or Shinji's. This form will put you in the holding cells until I decide otherwise."

"Until an Angel comes," Asuka glared at the woman. "Your threats are empty, Katsuragi. You need me to support him, or you lose your access to his dick."

"Sign the form. Take a seat." _Shinji, I'm serious when I ask this: do you love her enough to bring this into our house?_

 _I don't know,_ he answered honestly. "Please, Two. Let's not make this harder than it has to be."

Her eyes were untouched by the smile she gave him, "Well, since you asked _nicely_." Trailing a finger across his chest as she moved to the desk, she picked up the pen and scribbled her name, "There. Signed." Turning around and dropping onto the couch, she patted the seat next to her, "Come sit by me. Whatever it is she needs to tell me, she can tell me while I'm holding the man who loves me."

Moving, instead, to the desk, Shinji picked up the pen and signed in the spot for the supervisor, _I don't know what I feel, Misato. All I know is, she needs help. If she loved me, actually loved me, she wouldn't treat all of you like this._ Turning about, he perched on the edge of the flat surface and considered his fellow pilot, "How…much do you remember about the end of the last fight?"

Misato saw Kyoko materialize, sitting next to the daughter she'd been torn from, and shifted around the desk herself to stand equidistant between Shinji and Asuka. _If she goes for you, I'm intervening. I know you can't be hurt, but I will not abide violence. She can't be allowed to run wild._

Frowning, in an effort to understand the point of the topic change, the pilot of Unit-02 shrugged, "Not much. I remember the Angel managing to knock me out of A-Ten, I remember -02 falling inoperative. Unless you mean that weird conversation between that fetid cunt, the Angel, and us. Then I remember that you were in pain, and nobody was helping you."

 _Kyoko, I'm sorry._ "Your mother was." Watching her eyebrow raise in doubt, he nodded, "When you jumped into the beam emanating from Arael, you brought your soul, Eve…and Kyoko Zeppelin Soryu's soul into contact with mine. While I was stooped over, trying not to collapse into a twitching pile…your mother, Kyoko, was supporting me. The fifth person, the one you couldn't…or wouldn't, see? Your mother, Kyoko. She tried to reach you, Asuka. You…you weren't letting her."

The ebon haired spirit tried to touch her daughter's cheek, _Please, tell her I love her?_

"She," he could tell that Asuka wasn't going to respond. Hesitating, trying to read what was written in those cold, dead, blue eyes, he gestured to just beside her, "She says she loves you. She's," he gestured again, "there."

Amusement was not one of those things present in her tone, "This is a terrible joke, Shinji."

"He's not joking," Misato backed him up. "I can see her too. Anyone bonded to his soul can."

With a slow pan of her gaze towards the only other woman in the room she could see, Asuka's face morphed into disgusted disbelief, "You're lying."

"She's not," Shinji stood, preparing to explain further, "she's-"

"According to Yui Ikari," she kept her face turned towards Misato, "that would mean my mother's soul occupied the same wavelength. That…."

He felt the situation collapsing, "In order to protect you from-"

"My own mother." Standing, and backing away from the spirit she couldn't see, "My own _mother_ forced herself into your soul?" Rounding the coffee table, she gripped Shinji's shirt, "I _will_ find a way to free you."

 _Asuka,_ Kyoko's face was pained as she stood, _Asuka no. Please, you can't just make people's decisions for them!_

"Two," Shinji had motioned for Misato to stand down, he wasn't under a physical threat, "she didn't force her way into my soul. When you made contact with that beam, it was either her, or you, and-"

"She _stole_ you?" Her jaw dropped, "She…if she heard me, if she heard everything I said, she should _know_ that I wanted to be with you! I could have…I would be in your soul, if not for _her_?!"

He couldn't help but feel as if he was failing, "It's not that simple-"

"I'll save you." Jumping up to hang from around his neck, she kissed him suddenly. Standing on the table for leverage, on her tip-toes, she made certain that she pushed all of the desire she had for him through her mouth. Dropping back, a feverish madness growing in her gaze, she smiled as if the answer to everything had arrived, "It's so simple…."

"Right," Misato flowed over and pulled on the redhead's arm, "you can't-" Catching the punch that was flawlessly delivered with her free hand, the officer's chocolate eyes hardened, "That, just earned you a stay in Château Napoléon."

It was a very short fight, that Shinji's hesitation prevented him from preventing. After the first and only punch Asuka threw was halted, he was given a refresher on exactly how dangerous the woman he loved was. Without striking her once, Misato had the out of control redhead on the ground and cuffed wrist to ankle in short order. Standing and throwing her vociferously protesting prisoner over her shoulder to carry like a sack of rice, she tapped the door open and thumbed Kelly in, "Tag. You're it."

Staring at Kyoko, he said the only thing he could think of, _I'm…sorry._

By the time his EA made it into the room around a howling ball of rage, Shinji was already holding a weeping Kyoko. The Irishwoman caught his eye, and motioned to the couch. Nodding encouragingly as he scooped up the mournful spirit to carry over, she moved to sit on the side that wouldn't tangle with legs that she couldn't physically touch, out of instinct, "It's ok. We're going to get her help. I had a quick chat with Doctor Akagi and Lieutenant Colonel Ikari, and they plan on making medication part of things if…well, when they reached this point." Her hand passed through Kyoko's back as she attempted to help console the mournful woman, "Blasted…."

Shinji loved the woman beside him all the more for wanting to help comfort the inconsolable spirit, "Quick nap?"

"Quick nap," she nodded fiercely.

+++++ 15th Angel + 4: Monday, November 28th (123)

It was, in his soul, many hours later before any real conversation was possible. Ireul, Sahaquiel, and Kelly all helped him soothe the despondent woman in their own ways, though the greatest relief had come from the youthful Aspect promising that 'Mama Kyoko' wasn't a failure, couldn't possibly _be_ a failure. The typically enormous cyclops had shrunk down to only a fraction larger than Sakura, thanks to a great deal of help and practice she'd had of late, and was sitting in Kyoko's lap atop Shinji's lap, eagerly exuding all of the childlike optimism she could. Promising that she knew from bad parents, and that above any other proof she could provide, a bad parent didn't care that they might be being bad.

The one-eyed Aspect of Terror remained silent, the tiff earlier in the day staying her tongue but not dissuading her from making herself available to a woman she knew needed more comforts rather than fewer. Seating herself where she would be visible, but not so close as to trigger a potential flare up of anger, she offered tea, or other comforts, as appropriate.

Shinji's self-styled consort had moved to sit where she could gently stroke the lower legs and feet of a woman she'd yet to touch. This first trip into a soul she comprised a part of, and the wonders it contained, were set aside to be someone worthy of calling herself Kelly Ikari. Speaking for the one she'd call husband, she'd promised every effort to continue helping the young pilot that seemed destined to self-destruct. She might not be able to call her a friend, but she was an ally to the man they loved, in combat, if nothing else.

"It's…it's just…." Slumping into Shinji's shoulder, clutching Sahaquiel to her chest and resting her chin on the young Aspect's head, she sighed out another quiet sob, "I didn't mean for this to happen. I didn't mean to fall in love. I didn't mean to find everyone so wonderful. I didn't mean to…to…."

"A desire to live, my dear," Ireul chose to risk a poor reaction to make an important point, "is inherent to all Lilin. Even the dead ones. It would be unhealthy in the extreme for you to desire, or prefer, oblivion over even this chance at a life. Would you anticipate Shinji, if even any of the rest of us, to simply allow a wonderful woman to kill herself?"

"A mortal sin, and not one I would be eager to see you engage in," Kelly agreed quickly. "You were mistreated, tortured, and still chose to spare your daughter further suffering. I know that forgiveness must come from you, that you have to want to let this matter exist as it must, but you must know that everyone in the Manor, everyone in Shinji's soul, we all wish for you to stay!"

"Mama Kyoko is sad," Sahaquiel let herself be cuddled. "Because she wants to heal…Miss Asuka's pain. I know how that feels," she looked up to Shinji, "and I know how hard it is to accept that you can't."

With a warm smile for the gentle being, Shinji tapped her nose, "You help me heal, Saha-chan. It's slow, because I don't know a lot of my own problems. You're helping me heal right now, by helping someone we all love."

Frustration flared into anger for a second, and Kyoko growled, "At least your daughter listens to you." Wincing at the swerve in emotions, she soothed her hand through Sahaquiel's hair, "Shh, shh, I'm sorry, Saha-chan. I'm sorry."

Ireul's voice entered his head, her face giving away nothing, _She needs rest. She is not as well as she pretends, though not anywhere near as ill as you fear. The inability to be present, and her desire to not interrupt by talking over the one woman she wished could hear her, are stressing her. With your permission, I will ask that Shamshel grants her peaceful sleep._

"Kyoko," he wouldn't simply knock her out, not with the history of abuse she had, "I would appreciate it if you would allow me to ask Shamshel to help you get some sleep. Things have been troubled for you lately, and I know that I do a great deal better after at least a nap. I swear, when you wake up if you need me to be with you I will put myself at your disposal, but curling up with Sahaquiel-chan and letting yourself…find calm, will help some."

"I'll take a nap with you," Sahaquiel nodded eagerly. "I'll paint the sky a nice dark pink, and we can listen to Shamshel sing, and then when we wake up we can ask Matarael to paint some clouds with us!"

"I…I think that might be best." She was mature enough to understand that she was risking harm to everyone, including herself, by allowing her emotions to continue their wild ride. Looking to Shinji, she silently mouthed, _Promise me?_

 _I will always be here, when you need me._ Keeping his thoughts contained to her, he avoided worrying Sahaquiel, _You know I understand what you're feeling right now. We're too alike for me to not understand. Let Shamshel soothe your mind, and we'll talk more later._

After Shamshel personally led Kyoko and Sahaquiel to the domain belonging to the Aspect of the Sky, Shinji leaned forward and buried his face in his hands, "I messed it up." He could feel Kelly rubbing his back, and wanted so badly to let her soothe him as he'd soothed Kyoko, "I fucked it up, bad. I couldn't get her to listen. I couldn't just put my foot down. She knows that her mother is in my soul, and she…she wants to find a way to 'fix' it. Not see her mother. Not ask her mother 'why'. No. She wants to…."

"To tear apart souls, unified in purpose, enriched in love. She sees something beautiful, and she _must_ destroy it." Ireul was unsparing in her analysis, "Deep in that woman's heart, is a hatred…a rage I have not seen since the height of Lilith's fury. It goes beyond simple chemical imbalances, my love. I do not say that she is evil, I say that she would have been ruinous as your Fury. To watch Kyoko handle your wrath, it was almost as if she were hand crafted for the task. If you allowed her to do so more often, she might process through this pain she feels faster."

Kelly blew out a heavy breath, "She does better than I do. Even when she had that flare of impotent rage, her first reaction was to soothe Sahaquiel. She couldn't hurt that darling child with access to the heaviest weaponry known to mankind, and she acted as if she had punched her in the face accidentally. That's a good woman."

"I messed up," he repeated.

"No, I would not say you did." Ireul kicked him in the shin, then shoved a cup of tea in his hands, "You attempted to comfort her, expecting that she would be bereft at knowing that her mother's soul was nearby and unable to touch her. You then, when she instead grew accusatory, tried to defend the woman you love, the woman _you've made love to_. Stop trying to take the blame for other people being reprehensible. It's neither attractive nor endearing."

As he looked to Kelly, the Irishwoman spread her hands in agreement, "Pilot Soryu is a loose cannon on a good day. Her knee-jerk response is accusation, or attack. When confronted with truthful, factual, information that she disagrees with, she becomes venomous. When presented with evidence of her misdeeds, she retreats into hostility and caustic wit. Her personnel file is not pleasant reading, and her time aboard the Fleet didn't ingratiate her to anyone. Around base, she's nearly universally despised. People feel she's dragging down your name, and shaming Rei Ayanami's sacrifice. She nearly turned that around while you were incapacitated, only to fumble all of that goodwill away since you've awoken. I agree with you, she's not _evil_. She's troubled."

"She…needs help," he agreed.

"Medication. Tough love. Self-analysis," Kelly continued to rub his back. "Assaulting a superior officer has earned her some time in the brig. Getting her started on regaining her chemical balance is a good use of that time."

"Perhaps," the Aspect of Terror slowly ran her toes along the shin she'd abused, "you should use that time to consider why you can't stand in the same room with her without feeling the need to love her. My advice, and you may feel free to ignore it, is to look up the mental malady named after the old capital of Sweden, because I think you'll find that both Doctor Akagi and that dear charming wife of yours agree with me. You're a rather classic case."

The redhead at his side reminded him of the other redhead they were meant to work towards, "Are we still going to make an effort for Agent Haraldson? Doubt anyone will call foul if we hold off after today."

He shook his head, "We're still going in. I trust Iri and Leliel to pull me out if things go wrong. Worst case scenario, I spend some time in my soul with Kyoko, Saha-chan, and paint the sky until I'm less unstable." He took a deep breath, "Best case scenario, I succeed, she's free, and I get to come home and spend an evening lying in bed with the most wonderful redhead I know."

Probing his mood by playing 'dumb', she teased him, "Going to take her out of the hospital as soon as she wakes up? I don't know that it would be healthy for her to be away from doctors that long, boss."

"I'm sorry, Kelly-chan…but I can't lie in my soul. Rules prohibit it," he smiled over at her with a 'gotcha' look, "you're the most wonderful redhead on Earth."

"You…can't lie here?" She looked to Ireul and received quick confirmation. "I hate Sh _armph_ ," patting at her throat with a surprised look when the statement halted violently, she laughed in relief as it faded. "I love Shinji Ikari." Her smile grew, "Shinji Ikari is the kind of man I've always wanted, but never thought I'd find. I will _never_ push Shinji Ikari to become Catholic," she raised her eyebrow challengingly at him, receiving a chastened grin in return. "When…when I hold our daughter…our little Cara, my world will be full."

"…And I love the wonderful woman who puts up with my insanity," he added to her own declarations. "And I never want her to leave my side, for as long as there are stars in the sky." Holding her hand, he reached over and took Ireul's, "I love _all_ of the women who put up with my insanity."

+++++ Author's Notes:

SK: RE: Flashpoints.

Hopefully without paradoxes. I try hard not to include those unless I mean to.

What Up:

RE: Praise.

Thank you for reading my story this far. I am glad that you feel it was worth doing so.

RE: Asuka.

A number of people have worried that I'm forsaking her, and I promise I am not. She may not enjoy what is to come, at first, but she has years of terrible habits that stop her from accepting the changes that are coming. Some might have guessed where she ends up, others will be quite surprised. Ultimately, I just hope everyone can appreciate that she stayed in character the entire time getting there. Because to be honest, keeping her in character is exceptionally difficult at times.

RE: Bipolar.

I have lived with people who suffer from that extreme complication for quite some time. I have, firsthand, witnessed how it turned their lives inside out because they refused to try and seek help, refused to accept help, or just failed because the comorbidities overwhelmed them. Bipolar, in itself, is challenging. Bipolar typically does not come by itself, though. ADD/ADHD, OCD, and a host of other DSM-listed goodies often tag along to really make treatment and adjustment difficult. (If anyone is looking for a good read on the subject, "I Hate You, Don't Leave Me" is worth a gander.) In Asuka's case, it isn't just the bipolar that's causing her to act out. She can't/won't sleep, doesn't/forgets to eat, hasn't adapted to the change in medications after Eve left, and is a narcissistic perfectionist. Any one of these issues would be manageable. By their powers combined….

JaceSterne:

RE: Thoughts.

Well, my first thought was wondering why people were covering tiny baked goods. Then I realized you meant role, and not roll. (I'm teasing, put the cattle-prod down.)

There are indeed other actors in play, and in fact an entire "Arcana" worth that are intended to oppose Shinji et al. Balance, as sought after by Creation, does not come in just one flavor. However, and this is where the "not based" came from, there is technically no upper limit to the number of roles in play. As an actor is required, Creation will place them where needed to keep 0 – The Fool – The Wanderer from getting bogged down. This is because unlike a printing press and human artisan, Creation doesn't need to worry about packaging and selling a playing card game slash novelty game slash divination tool and can add cards where it wants.

To extend the analogy to a different game, view the Arcana more like the pieces of a chess board, and less like a row or column of cards. Each piece has its duties, its uses, and its possible moves. They're all focused around acting in a manner that protects The King/The Fool/The Wanderer. If he/she is captured, game over. If another piece should fall, it is not the end of the game, so long as it is not _them_. They may find ways to restore pieces that have been lost, they may not, it's up to the talents The King/The Fool/The Wanderer has and the moves they make. The Arcana, however, are not beholden to _obey_ The King/The Fool/The Wanderer. Shinji has to earn their trust, before they'll listen to him. They have to feel that what he's asking serves a sufficient interest, or they may do what they feel is best instead. Hence the Social Link aspect. If they're not close enough, those Arcana intended to support him may decide not to.

As far as your guesses for vaguely analogous Major Arcana, you were right for Shinji, Ritsuko, Tsuru, Hikari, Misato, Maya, Kyoko, Lilith, and Kodama. Not a bad batting average, considering it was blind and without all of the information from above.


	136. Chapter 136

+++++ 15th Angel + 4: Monday, November 28th (123)

"Ok, I can see where that went poorly," Kodama eyed her next youngest sister, and her two classmates, with a hint of irritation. "We've been working on him trying to understand that loving who you love is neither terrible nor criminal, and when he acts like the man we all love you turn his very valid, very necessary, question into a commentary on another woman." Watching the three women sink inwards, she leaned forwards, "If he finds out that he loves this Minami Kajima, and holds back because of three catty brats, only to find out that she was someone who could have helped him loosen up, at least I know who to blame."

Hikari, challenged by her sister, glared back, "She's got a well-earned reputation for-"

Instead of the elder former Horaki, it was Nicolette that spoke over her, "I have a reputation for sleeping around. Beautiful blonde in a foreign land, too bubbly and too friendly and too eager to help? Can't possibly be because where I'm from you hold your hand out to people who need, no, it's because I've got 'Yellow Fever'. You're too smart to think that the surface actions dictate the deeper drives, Hikari. Or to think that because someone has a reputation that there's any validity to it."

"She sat in the locker room staring at him like a piece of meat," the freckle-faced Class Rep snapped. "Propositioned him right there! Called me a slut! _Me_."

Yang wasn't eager to jump into the fight, but she also wasn't willing to allow someone else to take all of the heat for a miscommunication that she'd helped create, "Kajima has demonstrably proven in the past to have a real need to tear others down. Yes, it's because of deep-seated insecurities, but she has not acted in a way someone we'd want around Shinji should. Her reputation in my eyes is not based on rumor or innuendo, but on what she's done in front of me."

"Fair enough," Nicki shrugged, willing to accept tangible action as a reason to be wary. "People do change, however. That change can be sudden, and prompted by a significant enough event."

"Like meeting a good man, with a good heart, who treats you like a human being instead of a meat sock," Kodama expounded. "Did he offer to tutor her himself?"

"No," Tsuru answered before Hikari could.

The nurse sighed, "Did he ask her to spend more time with him?"

"We weren't _jealous_ ," Hikari ground out. "We let her spend time with us on our date. If we were jealous, we would have chased her off then."

"If he's willing to bring Soryu-san into our lives," Tsuru asserted with more than a touch of anxiety, "who else is he willing to force where they might not fit? If he doesn't truly understand love, how it feels, how it grows, what happens when he brings someone who he doesn't actually love into our lives? What happens when we're forever tied to someone who…who hates us all?"

+++++ 15th Angel + 4: Monday, November 28th (123)

"He is well enough to make an attempt," Ireul assured Jorth. "We will be more familiar with the signs of overtaxing his reserves, and he has agreed that we need to pull him out before he does something dangerous."

Jorth simply raised her eyebrow, prompting Shinji to smile with appreciation for her concern, "I promise. I'm going to keep on this project, but I'm not going to be stupid about it. I might need some help winding down, and I can't guarantee that my emotions won't be running hot when I come out, but if I can get her back to the real world…." Vidar gripped his shoulder, and shared a look that expressed everything. They knew he was pushing himself, they appreciated that he was trying, but they would never forgive themselves if he was harmed. "I promise, Vidar. I'm not going to push until I'm running on fumes." One final squeeze, and a gesture towards the bed Idunn laid in, and he had his clearance.

+++++ 15th Angel + 4: Monday, November 28th (123)

"It's both advisable, and the correct course of action," Temple agreed, signing off on the form. "Doctor Akagi made the right call."

Maya dry-washed her hands as she looked into the holding cell, "She needs counseling."

The old corpsman didn't disagree, "So does he."

"We…can't. Not until the Angels are gone. The decision was made above our level," she looked over expecting repudiation and instead receiving understanding. "It's always above our level."

"Keep reminding them of that," she tilted her head towards where Ritsuko and Misato were holding a conference. "Be the person to remind them that you're all responsible for young lives. The normal rules regarding psychiatric holds don't apply to the Pilots, so I can't medically countermand the decisions made. I would, in this case, have recommended the exact process used, though. Stabilizing medication, intended for long-term use. A temporary sedative to restore order and allow treatment. And most assuredly, a psychiatric hold for observation as she was most certainly a danger to both herself and others. Don't let them throw away the key," patting Maya's shoulder she raised her eyebrow, "but don't blind yourself to the reasons they locked her in there."

+++++ 15th Angel + 4: Monday, November 28th (123)

Following a brief pause in the Void Room, Shinji moved back to where they had last left off. With the subtle shift of consciousness that flowed from a transition to an active dream, he took stock of where they were and frowned. He was sitting closer to the back of a chapel. Standing up at the altar was a couple, who he couldn't make out. Sitting beside him, in a sharply tailored professional suit, was Idunn. The look on her face, as much as the lack of people in the room, explained that this was not a 'happy' event.

"If you keep staring at me," she murmured with barely a twitch to her lips, "I'm going to punch you in the short ribs."

Unable to swallow the smirk as her teasing statement was followed with a slight tap to his side, he focused back up on the ceremony. A shorter woman he couldn't see clearly through the veil, and a man that looked like he was directly out of the pages of a clothing catalog for 'All Flash No Substance', were being walked through their wedding vows by a priest who looked bored out of his mind. Respect for tradition, more than any desire to avoid collapsing the dream, kept his mouth closed. _I just wish I knew who they are._

Unbidden and misunderstanding his intended target, Idunn's gaze turned to the only other pair in the room, sitting on the groom's side of the aisle. With their heads positioned in a way that prevented any recognition of faces, their anonymity remained. She shook her head, as if to say that she didn't know either.

The realization that she could hear his thoughts brought a flash of fear that he'd somehow bonded her already. Ireul quickly spoke before he did, _Anyone can hear your thoughts if you chose to allow them, my love. In this dream, she likely believes you have the ability that you do. Remember, much of what she's dreaming around you is taken from what you bring in. This is a sharing of minds, of spirits. Don't treat it as odd, and it won't be. Just don't expect it to always be the way it is now._

Calmer, he tried again, _What's the plan?_

Pulling out her notepad and scribbling down a message, she tilted it to him, _'Think they're dangerous?'_

 _No,_ he reached over and patted her wrist. _Just…you know me._

 _'Do I?_ ' The second note was paired with a teasing wink.

He, once more, was prevented from swallowing his good humor. When she was playing with him like this, he could easily see him loving her. She was intelligent, capable…warm. She cared about him, his mind, his spirit. That her torso was marked like a twisted version of the Japanese railway system didn't bother him in the slightest, that he looked like a snowman come to life barely registered in her mind. There was good, here.

 _Idi?_ His anxiety grew as she looked over at him in concern and surprise, _What?_

Shaking her head subtly, she scrawled down one word, ' _Fine!_ ' She wanted him to understand that she was ok with the name, just shocked he'd used it.

 _Uhm…ok,_ he frowned, what was their relationship in this world? What were they, to one another? He felt no ring on his hand, saw none on either of hers. _Does…does any of this make you wonder? About…everything?_

Her eyes searched his for something, narrowing slightly in confusion, whatever it was that she was going to respond with was pre-empted by the priest declaring the ceremony over, and introducing the happy couple to the world…or at least the four other people in the hall, "By the blessings of the Lord Jesus Christ, and under his Holy Father's name, I give to you, Mister and Miss Langley Soryu."

Instinctively standing to applaud, Shinji's reactions were slowed by the realization that turning to face the audience was none other than Asuka. Politely clapping, no louder or quieter than Idunn or the other two guests, he felt the smug glare from his former roommate fall flat in his heart. As the newlyweds walked past, she turned her nose up at him and ignored his polite smile. _Awkward_.

With the expectation of silence broken, Idunn turned to face him with a hint of worry, "Awkward?"

"Well…." He tried to work around the need to lie, to cover over that they were in a dream, "Would you want to have me focused on another woman on our wedding day?" Gesturing out to the grounds beyond the chapel, he lifted an eyebrow, "How would you think I felt, if you were more interested in rubbing your marriage to me in someone else's face than being happy we were married? It's awkward."

Worry faded to a melancholy acceptance, "You really did move past it, didn't you?"

"The past is gone," whatever it was he'd supposedly gone through was enough to make her feel the way she did, "the future is yet to come. I've learned from what was, and I can't expect what is to be any better if I don't apply those lessons. Besides," he urged her onwards to what possible reception there might have been, "would you really want me to be tied forever to someone who would do that?"

"I want you to be happy, big guy." Her smile grew as he offered his arm for her to walk on, "What's got you so gentlemanly today?"

"Because I want to bring happiness," he answered easily. "That smile is worth a lot more than the joy I receive from bringing it to you."

Her hand squeezed his arm, "You are a confounding, irritating, man sometimes, you know that?"

"I've been told, from time to time," he agreed with a sigh.

As they exited the building, the rows after rows of gravestones lining the sides of the walkway, no sign of the 'happy couple' could be seen. Alone, suddenly, they moved along the path towards wherever it was that Idunn believed they ought to be going. The silence was close to becoming uncomfortable, when the redhead at his side commented, "You haven't called me 'Idi' in years."

He liked the nickname, "You…didn't seem to want me to."

Her snort was aimed at herself, "I don't seem to want a lot of things, because I'm too stupid to ask for them."

"I would call you many things," he countered, "stupid is not among them."

A light blush touched her cheeks, "How's Hikari?"

"She's…Hikari." It was evasive, he knew, but it was a better answer than many, "You know how she can be."

"Is…is that why you're here?" She pulled him to a halt, turning him purposefully, "Is that why you flew us across two oceans to sit in attendance at a wedding where the bride wanted the man who got away more than the glorified mobile dildo she walked out with?" Bracing herself, she stiffened her grip, "Are you trying to escape?"

Leliel's voice drifted in, _Might try the truth here. She's close to unbalancing herself._

His truth, however, was not what she'd thought it was, "I'm trying to understand what we are, to each other."

The answer to her question was not what she'd thought it would be, which showed on her face as her mouth sat agape. When he reached up and gently closed it with two fingers, she blinked and shook herself out of whatever mental loop she'd become tethered to, "You…us?"

"Yeah," he nodded, understanding that it was a bundle of confusion. "Us. What are we? A Special Agent and her assignment? A mother and her son? A pair of friends who've bled together? Star-crossed lovers?" Taking care not to harm her as he removed her hands from his suit, he stepped back, "I want to know what we are, because in order to look to a future…I need to understand the past."

"There…there isn't an 'us', though…. You," she shook her head, "you're married!"

"To a woman who's slept with a lot of other women," he shrugged. "She's never been unclear that my marriage to her is based on a less traditional form of love. Yang, Tsuru, Maya, Suzuka, Misato, Ritsuko…there are others, but the point is I'm not exactly in a lasting monument to monogamous relationships."

Idunn blinked slowly, "She…when? How? We've been watching her, she's part of our detail!"

The build of pressure in the clouds above told him he had little time to work with, "Just answer the question, please. What am I, to you?"

"You…." Her eyes looked along his body, her head slowly shaking, "You're what I want and should never-"

The sky split, dropping a thunderbolt that erased everything in sight, dropping him back into the Void Room. Standing, as he had been in the dream, he looked down to his hands, "Damn it." Clenching his fists, he groaned, "I should have known that wouldn't answer the question."

Ireul's presence soothed his head, _At least you know that she is not uninterested. It has, thematically, been consistent throughout the dreams. She may not necessarily like that she wants you around, but she is very interested in your presence._

Leliel added her own thoughts, _I doubt that this changes the goals much. We give her back to her family, let her make up her mind in your Realm, and try not to accidentally bind you together for all time. If you're determined to have her around, then you make your case. Why did we waste a dream with this?_

"If I ask them," he ignored the distraction of their words, "they…. Kyoko's worried I'm just adding people because they ask. Yang, Hikari, Tsuru, they worry that I'm going to add people they don't like. I need at least four more people to fill roles, but I don't want to just grab any random woman off the street! Idunn's nice, if stubborn. Pleasant to joke around with, though she's quick to see the worst in a situation. She's…no, Kodama's right. I need to be honest. She's very pleasant to look at. I think Idunn is very attractive, and would…under the right circumstances, happily…. So why am I holding back? Is it fear of…of Asuka? Or am I just worried like I am about anyone…." Opening his hands, he clapped them together, "Enough. I'm not getting closer. Let's go."

+++++ 15th Angel + 4: Monday, November 28th (123)

"Is…now a bad time?" Lilith poked her head into the kitchen where Hikari was viciously scrubbing at some dishes, "I…uh, I even used the front door."

Dropping the thoroughly clean dish back into the sink, Hikari calmly set the brush down and stepped back to take a cleansing breath before turning and facing the latest distraction, "What can I do for you, Lily?" Hidden, artfully, under the patient exterior was a boiling cauldron of rage and anger, to hear her speak without listening to her song one would mistakenly think everything was perfectly fine, "Is everything ok?"

"Not, uh, not really?" Thinking through what she was about to ask, the Mother of Night instead changed tactics, "I felt the construction of a star happening in…our home, worried that something was up. Since Shinji's not here, I wanted to make sure that everyone was ok. You, uh, you know how it is?"

"Our," she stated the word as if tasting it. "What is it you wish to bring into _our_ home, Lily? Because so far I've managed to bring a lot of stupid decisions and mistakes in, leading to a great deal of pain and trauma for the man you gifted to me." The barest hint of her jaw clenching preceded another pause for air, "My apologies. What was it you needed?"

The empty family room, the lack of noise, and the disunity that was growing in her mind shoved her own desires further away, "A bath…actually. Was kind of hoping that someone would wash my back, and since you're his favorite I was hoping that someone would be you?" Turning on her winning smile, she altered her game plan towards gathering intelligence, "I've been running around all day, climbing through things that I'd rather not remember, and while I'm 'clean', I'm not necessarily _clean_ , if you catch my drift."

Hikari frowned, the odd request not seeming in line with the woman before her. Turning her mind to the dishes she'd promised to take care of, she turned back to the task, "After I'm done. I said I'd-" Sitting in the rack, pristine, was every dish she'd intended on cleansing, "…Ok." Standing before her, a three centimeter tall Sachiel was toying with the soap bubbles, "Sachiel-san, I said _I_ would do them. I can't rely on others to do my tasks for me."

The Colossus of the Deeps held out a hand with a tiny sculpture of varicolored chemicals and water shaped into a flower, shaking his head.

"He's thanking you," Lilith translated, walking over and gently soothing the Class Rep's arm. "He doesn't often get to play with non-liquid objects in standing water in the home. This was a chance for him to learn how they reacted, how he might help the household in the future. You provided him an opportunity, and now he's asking for you to accept his flower in gratitude."

Accepting the delicate-seeming structure, Hikari frowned, "But…I said I would do them."

"If I remember correctly," silently expressing her gratitude to the Child of Adam that had helped her move the struggling youth past the initial blocks, Lilith left Sachiel to clean the sinks and return to his duties, "this household is not meant to be the responsibility of any _one_ person. The entire purpose, in your mind, was that at any point in time…nobody was alone if they didn't want to be." Tapping the flower, she proved that it would hold consistency no matter how it was handled, "Lover's children, _your_ children, wish for their mother to be happy. While it's important to do what we say we will, isn't it more important that we allow others to do what they say they will…when they're trying to stop someone from hurting themselves?"

Finding herself slowly being undressed in her bathroom, Hikari clutched to the flower, "I…I was doing it again." Admitting her failure, though not to the person she wished to admit it to, she felt the first few tears begin to fall, "I promised him I wouldn't do it again."

"It's far more complicated than that, I think," setting her on the stool, she began to pre-rinse the young woman she'd initially been rather jealous of. "Why don't we talk about it, while we help each other get clean, hmm? Maybe talk about what it is that happened."

+++++ 15th Angel + 4: Monday, November 28th (123)

Thirteen dreams on, Shinji landed in the Void Room after a rather painful exit from the previous attempt, "Ow." Lying on his back, with his arm over his eyes and his other arm slowly shaking to regain feeling, he grimaced, "Ok…that was a lot of bees. Are they really that big in other countries? Those things were massive!"

 _I believe she might have a phobia,_ Ireul mused. _As I understand your world, such beings would not be able to exist due to both dietary and physical needs. They were rather…amplified._

Leliel's touch was felt along his torso, _We have to be getting closer, then. Her subconscious and conscious were blurring, if she was summoning her own phobias, considering you didn't seem that afraid of them, Daddy._

"It's a bug," he groaned as he sat up with the echoes of pain. "If you leave it alone, it usually leaves you alone. If it doesn't leave you alone…it's a bug, I have a severe size advantage." Taking a few deep breaths, he forced himself to keep his word, "How am I doing? I feel ok, but…I have to trust you two to know better."

 _I think he's ok,_ the younger of the two Aspects stated after a second's thought. _We've had less of a good chance to capitalize lately. I don't think we were headed in the right direction there for a few dreams._

Ireul seemed irritated, _Perhaps listening to me, instead of staring at his shoulders appreciatively, might be more conducive to keeping on course._ Whatever chastisements were doled out, he remained unaware of them. _You are performing quite capably, my love. You have learned a few more uses of your abilities, and that if nothing else makes this journey worthwhile. When you are ready, we may try again._

+++++ 15th Angel + 4: Monday, November 28th (123)

"How has he taken the news?" General Benoit sat sharing a bottle of brandy with the man he felt a far more capable Commander than the former occupant of the title, "From the sounds of it, he hasn't slowed down."

"I have not interviewed him," Kozo replied simply. The rest of his thought, which he kept to himself, was that if Shinji hated his mother even a fraction of how badly he despised his father, it was unlikely that he was overly concerned at all. However, knowing Shinji well enough to make educated guesses, there was also the possibility that the young man was yet to truly begin processing the entire matter. After all, he'd been far more civil to Gendo Ikari than many might believe possible.

"Indeed." The elder officer frowned, "Our…problem, so to say, has been alleviated. The final member of SEELE, according to the intelligence we've gathered, has been located and addressed."

The old professor looked up in confusion, "That's a rather sudden topic shift."

"The two are related," another small drink, another pause. "It seems that the rumors of Shinji's grandfather's demise were exaggerated. While looking for Lorenz Keel, who we believed to still be alive and in hiding, we stumbled upon Mister Ikari _pretending_ to be Keel. He had been, from what we've managed to extract, selected by this 'Perfume', or Tabris, or whatever overly ostentatious title he chooses. Regardless, some time ago he was selected, set up to emulate Keel in the event of his death, and then activated after Keel was…no longer of use."

Kozo blinked, unable to believe that the man had managed to survive, "So, he's in custody awaiting trial?"

"He's currently in small fragments, following Gendo Ikari's final act of vengeance." Setting down the glass he no longer desired, Philip looked across the table, "I'm taking him in. SEELE is finished. There are no more major players. Those few peons that remain are toothless, disorganized, and being hunted by every government in the world as traitors to mankind. I'm reassigning those Agents responsible for both the Ikari Manor and Shinji's wellbeing to his department, establishing a funding connection in perpetuity for their pay. Staffing is-"

He had been struck silent by both the declaration that the investigation had reached its conclusion, and that the General himself was wasting no time in arresting Gendo. Finding his voice at last, and interrupting the picayune rundown of bureaucratic worthlessness, he barked out, "Arresting him?! You? You might feel you have some sort of legal protection against-"

Philip did not raise his voice, and simply stood while speaking to indicate that the discussion was over, "The law, my good sir, does not care about feelings. I informed you so that you might ask Lead Pilot Ikari if he wished to speak one final time to my prisoner. We will be departing Wednesday once I am certain that my last teams have returned to headquarters."

"And Special Agent Haraldson?" He knew he was grasping at straws, "She remains unconscious."

The Frenchman seemed to consider his answer, looking away towards the hospital ward he had visited twice so far, "She is in better hands than mine." Walking out, he left the statement on its own. He did not doubt she would know what to do. His job was done, his remit reached, and his tab due. General Philip Benoit V would retire, to spare both the UNIGC, and himself, the disgrace that would follow. His final gift to the world would be to accept full responsibility for all of the 'accidental' deaths that occurred during the investigation. To publicly state that Shinji Ikari was appalled at the lack of resolute control over those who were sent to arrest the people responsible for horrific crimes. With any luck, the person to take his place was currently receiving the best possible care from the best possible man on Earth. Walking down the hall, away from the hospital wing, he repeated his own thoughts, "She'll know what to do."

+++++ 15th Angel + 4: Monday, November 28th (123)

"I have no idea what to do!" Idunn leaned heavily against the door, despite not needing to owing to Shinji's much greater weight holding it shut, "How did this even happen?! We…we were sitting there, eating lunch, and…and…."

Shinji, having seen the movie that precipitated the nightmare she was having, was far less 'wound up' than the woman he was escorting. In his mind, this was a ticking clock, and 'the end' was a hard reset on the bad dream. In order to maximize his time, he decided to cut to the chase instead of feeling out the situation, "You ever think this is just a bad dream? That maybe…all of this, could be your mind's way of telling you that you should wake up and rejoin reality?"

Blue-green eyes locked on him, stunned, "What?" Her face worked through a series of emotional changes, before settling on disbelief, "Are you…cracking on me _right_ now? Seriously?" She coughed out a laugh, "You face dozens of Angels, fight a near constant war against beings that make no physiological sense, and…you crack when faced with _zombies?_ "

Remembering Yang's arguments regarding the matter, he felt compelled to correct the mistake, "Technically they're not-"

"Technically, I'm going to slap you unless you get your head back in the game," she snapped. "You fought at least fifty of these things pulling me off of the dining car. You, _you_ not me, discovered that we need to destroy their brain. You…." Her eyes widened, "Are you bitten?"

He sighed, _Of course she'd prefer to stay on the train filled with ravening cannibals._ "No. Feel free to check." Accepting that he was likely going to be there a while, he tilted his head towards the door, "You're not holding this shut. I am. After you satisfy yourself that I'm unmolested, get something to wedge against this. We need to move."

Patting him down, she failed to relax as she determined he was correct, "Why are you so blasé about this?"

"Because you would not believe the shit I've seen," he remembered more than one life where terrible things had happened to what was left of humanity. "If you can find a chain, or even just a thick cloth, we can tie the door handle to the stability bar. These things aren't smart enough to push hard in the right spot, just determined enough to accidentally muck it about some."

Backing away with her knife out, she nodded slowly, "Just…call if it starts to break."

 _Ireul. You know I love you, right?_ He closed his eyes, _Can you please move us on? Am I being punished for something?_

The one-eyed Aspect soothed her hand along his neck, _Not without losing the trail. This is where she is right now._

Leliel's voice was far more giddy, _This is so cool! I was watching that movie with you, in your mind, and Yang was explaining after all of the differences, and how they preferred travelling at night as opposed to the day, and-_

"Found it!" Idunn's call cut through the diatribe unknowingly, "Good thick rope from the emergency kit." Jogging back, she motioned for him to change how he stood, to allow her access to where she needed to tie things, "We're in luck, this isn't cheap stuff."

As the door was secured, he decided to keep pushing her out of the dream, "So, bad dream?"

"Really?" She glared at him again, "Why would I dream about spending a zombie apocalypse with you, instead of…I don't know, finding a cabin in some secluded part of the world where everyone would leave us alone?"

 _Progress,_ "So you want to be alone with me?"

Blinking, she laughed ruefully as the last of the knot was tied, "Ok. Fair enough. You got me." Motioning for him to ease up, she watched how the door held firm, "Yes. I regret not coming to you earlier and telling you that I was interested. I regret that it took being chased by human-sized killer monsters to open up and say that I…."

"I'm not sure how to say it either," walking away from the door, he took stock of the car they were in. "That's what caused me to try and _show_ you that I was interested in having you be in my life, instead of _tell_ you. As a friend, or a mentor, or an ally, since you likely don't want to be…." Lifting up sliding cabinets, or digging through bags, he sought for something 'odd' enough to use as a prybar for her mind, "I knew you weren't interested in joining up with the…well, frankly obscene number of ladies that gathered around me. None of you should have had to settle for that, if I'm being honest."

"I was more worried about you, you know?" She too began searching through the cabins, throwing items into a bag she'd emptied to carry what might be useful. "All of those stories people like to read, where one 'lucky' guy gets a household full of beautiful, sexy, women who want him more than air? Yeah, nobody likes talking about the psychological toll that takes on that poor asshole. Someone like you? Someone who's dedicated to making it work? That's just prolonging the abuse. You'll spend your whole life running around making sure that they're happy, and precisely _none_ of your life doing anything about your own happiness."

Stopping where she could see him, he tilted his head, "The shower didn't help your impression of them."

"How you forgave her…." Clenching her jaw, she snorted, "It's not my life."

 _Honesty_ , "Which I kind of regret, sometimes."

"What?" There was honest curiosity mixed in with disbelief, "You're serious?"

"Dead serious," not having found anything incongruous enough to show her, he instead focused on telling her. "Your sense of humor is a perfect match for the way I think, but would never consistently speak aloud. You've got a protective streak a kilometer wide that speaks to the part of me that wishes I didn't have to take the world's boot to the teeth every five minutes. You've got a brilliant mind, in those realms where your skills have been polished, and an inquisitive mind for those areas where you haven't had a lot of experience. You're beautiful-"

"Ok, maybe this is a dream," she barked out a laugh. "Beautiful? Really? Did you get hit on the head? Maybe forget what Hikari looks like? She's a _lot_ younger than me, and _way_ more-"

"Comparing two women is stupid, and I hate myself that I do it from time to time," he cut her off in turn. "It's not like I'm the most attractive man on Earth, you know? I'm freakishly huge, paler than you are, my hair is completely unnatural, my eyes are two different shades of blue, and I sound like someone's rotating a leather bag full of dull gravel. Somehow, despite all of that, some people manage to find me attractive. By inductive reasoning, it only makes sense that despite whatever flaws you wish to think you have some people find you attractive. I, being considered 'people', am in the population group that would find you attractive. Logic."

Her face fell, regrets claiming more of her psyche, "…Only you could denigrate yourself in a way that makes you sound perfect."

"Perfect? Please," rolling his eyes, his momentum carried him onwards. "A perfect man would have chosen _one_ of the far too many women and told everyone else to go find someone else. He would have stood his ground, despite all evidence and bargaining, and offers to the contrary and told that one woman 'No, we will not share with anyone else'. A perfect man wouldn't be sitting here trying to figure out a way to include more people into an already crowded, in his mind, household. I, Idunn Haraldson, am no perfect man. I am, at best, an idiot that's been hilariously lucky for how unlucky he is."

Fidgeting with the bag, she looked down towards the doors, "You…would include me?"

"If that's what you wanted. If you could work with everyone, and not treat them terribly. If you were willing to understand that my life _can not_ revolve around any one woman." Slumping back against the wall, he groaned as he thought of the _other_ redhead that he was thinking of as he said each condition, "I was an idiot for ever considering it."

"Stop that!" Storming over, she slapped his chest, "You stop that right now! Why are you always belittling yourself, hmm? You talked yourself into the marriage with Hikari and Maya _precisely_ because you couldn't see yourself as being the kind of man you just called 'perfect'. You settled, not for them, but for a version of you that was lesser than what you could have been. Do I agree with what you've chosen to do? No! But I'm a big enough fucking hypocrite to say that I wish you'd just found me at NERV one morning and let me shove you into a closet. I was sitting there, every morning, looking at the texts you'd send. Dreaming of you speaking to me in person, instead of over a phone like I forced you to by hiding from you. I was acting like a fucking child instead of the professional leader I needed to be!" Slapping his chest again, she frowned harder, "You…you and your…your stupid smile! Your damn heart! You never once looked at me like I was a terrible person, no matter how much I ignored you."

It was now or never, "Is that why you ran away to Nevada?"

"Yes," the word came out far less ferociously than those preceding it. "Because _someone_ needed to remain…professional." Resting her hand where she'd struck him, she shook her head slowly, "I…just wish I had the strength to tell the real you that I…that all of the shit I carry from my past is stopping me from reaching you. You're floating higher, reaching down with a blazing smile to offer me a path upwards and…and I'm always sinking further because of…."

"You know I'm a pretty good listener sometimes." Taking her chin between two fingers, he tilted her head back to smile down at her, "I think…if you found me in the real world, outside of the dream, you'd find that I'm always reaching out for you. You don't need to take my hand, just maybe dial my number. Talk. A few words at a time. If you don't want to be my lover…you won't ever stop being my friend."

Her eyes grew haunted, "But what if I…what if I can't stop myself…."

Pulling her into a hug, he pushed as much warmth as he could into the embrace, "So long as you want to, so long as you can agree to the rules of the house, I wouldn't tell you to stop." Feeling her wrap her arms around him, he relaxed, "If you never want to, or you can't because you refuse to accept the rules, I'd still love to call you my friend."

He felt her relax, "I'm dreaming…aren't I?"

"Do you want the scientific reason those things you're calling 'zombies' are impossible, or would you accept a 'Yes'?"

Idunn laughed weakly, "I wish I was strong enough to tell the real you how I felt, without giving in to how I feel."

"I wish you saw yourself the way-" The world disappeared, and consciousness returned. Lying on the bed before him, her eyes still shut, her song still dim and distant, was the woman he'd been trying to save. He was conscious. She was not. He hadn't been hurt, the dream hadn't collapsed, his goal hadn't been met, and he had no immediate explanations as to why. _Ireul._

"You were too close to bonding her," the Aspect kept her voice calm, soothing. "If we waited any longer, there was little chance that you didn't end up doing exactly what you asked us not to let you do."

Leliel appeared on the far side of Idunn's bed, motioning for him to remain still, "I promise, we tried. We were fighting against losing that dream! When she opened her heart like that, she started to pull you in, and then I had to stop fighting to keep the dream open to stop her from tying herself to you without knowing she was doing it! With only one of us holding the dream together, and the other trying to keep your souls apart, it wasn't an 'if' but a 'when', I swear!"

His muscles creaked, straining against devastating everything he could reach, as he slowly freed himself of the bed. He wouldn't hurt her for his failure. He wouldn't let her be harmed, because he couldn't seem to find the right way to approach the situation. "Why can't I succeed at anything?" There was more noise in his ears, he was fairly certain that someone was speaking to him, but there wasn't anything to be done for it. As soon as he was out of the bed, he walked out of the room. Directly through the closed door, as if it were nothing more than tissue paper.

+++++ 15th Angel + 4: Monday, November 28th (123)

Vidar stood calmly by his sister, listening as his wife blistered the air around them with curses about bullheaded young men. He was familiar enough with the rant, having been on the receiving end of it more than once, and did not need to give it his full attention. He would also, however, never tell her that he agreed with their brother's frustrations. The brief explanation that the one friendly spirit not to give chase after Shinji gave made it sound as if success had been right within his grasp, only to be yanked away so that he would not harm the woman he clearly loved as much as they did. "At least she seems to be resting easier," he murmured.

+++++ 15th Angel + 4: Monday, November 28th (123)

"I realize that I'm not necessarily the woman you should look to as an example," Lilith enjoyed the sensation of Hikari laying with the young woman's head back against her chest, the two soaking in the tub and speaking on the man they both loved. "But perhaps you should…view yourself differently than you do."

Tilting her head back, the twin pillows malleable enough to allow her unrestricted motion, the Class Rep frowned, "How do you mean?"

"It is no secret that I believe myself the pinnacle of existence. I do so precisely because there are none like me. I am a woman without peer." Lifting one finger up to run along her fellow bather's stomach, she grinned with pride, "You, my dear, are rather similar. You may not be as physically compelling as your sister in your eyes, but you were designed specifically to draw his eyes. You may not be as brilliant as Ritsuko as of yet, but your intellect was crafted to be exactly what you needed to keep him forever engaged. You may not be as graceful as Nicolette, but with training your movements will match your voice. Each piece of you may not be what the others offer right now…but you were placed as The Princess because you are not second to anyone but _him_. Own that role. Remind him, every day, that everything you are is his…and he'll lay Creation at your feet."

"How did you handle Eve, then?" She knew her situation was being compared to Lilith's, to the way that the elder being was intended, "Wasn't she made to take your place, when you defied Adam?"

"I hate her, still, to this day. However, unlike my particular situation, Lover is not _him_. Trust him to love you first and foremost, accept that the others have their place in Creation, and when necessary…remind them by asking him how much he loves you in front of them. You don't have to become the combative bitch I am," she smirked with a coy shrug, "but you can absolutely still take pride in your place in his heart. Believe me, I know it for absolute fact that there are none before you there."

The darker part of her thrilled at that knowledge, the less egotistical was dismayed that she still had so much work to do to get him to accept the others. She had set them on the path, and she must succeed in seeing them to the end. "So," she changed the topic back to one they'd touched on earlier, "you want our permission to seek his bed."

Willing to set aside the groundwork she'd done in preparing a woman she felt quite qualified to be more than simply 'human', she agreed, "He asked me to seek it, before he would agree to anything, yes."

"…That alone should remind me, when I start to get stupid and worry about who he might be considering, that he wants nothing but the best for all of us," shame had colored her tone once more. "I let myself begin to act controlling, becoming exactly what he'd left behind in the other reality…." Sitting up, she turned about and floated back, "I will not tell him what he can and cannot do. If he wants to be with you, to let you join us in this house, then I will support him. If he doesn't, I will not tell him who he _must_ sleep with. Thank you, Lily, for the advice today." Climbing out of the tub, she set her course on fixing what she'd broken by fighting with Kodama, "I'll make sure to tell him that I trust his judgement. After all…he chose me."

Biting down on her tongue as the woman she'd just spent hours comforting walked away, far more content with the world apparently, leaving her to suffer with the same answer she'd received four times now already, Lily wanted to scream a string of invectives at the insanity of her children.

+++++ 15th Angel + 4: Monday, November 28th (123)

It wasn't fair, Jorth knew this. She was asking that a young man, barely old enough to be off his mother's apron strings, have the maturity that he not only displayed from time to time, but would one day have if he were of a type with her, and had just not yet been given the time on the planet itself to truly earn. It also was not fair that maturity had been displayed by him in setting up the failsafe preventing little Idi from being subsumed by his spirit, only to then be triggered just as he'd reached the goal. He lifted one stone, at the cost of lowering another, and paid the price for both. Finished with her constructive release of internal pressure, she joined her husband's vigil and considered her sister. "Does she look less sallow, to you?"

+++++ 15th Angel + 4: Monday, November 28th (123)

 _Advisor! Advisor!_ Gaghiel tumbled into existence before Maya, _Hurry! Politely hurry! The Great One needs you to calm him down!_ Flitting about before her, he kept darting towards the door for her to follow, then rushing back and motioning for her to follow, _Please!_

With the various laws regarding treatment of involuntary patients open on her screen, and the list of medications that Asuka would be given printed out before her, Maya had a sudden urge to swear. Slapping her hands down to push herself up, she stood and moved towards where she was being shepherded to, _He just_ had _to do it today. Couldn't wait. Oh no. Not like we're taking care of a thousand other things. He is_ so _lucky I love him as much as I do._

Demonstrating wisdom in ignoring the angered thoughts of his big brother's mate, the aquatic Aspect tried to urge haste without directly shoving, pushing, pulling, or otherwise angering the scary predator he was dragging to save the day. His sister had made it very clear that the Advisor was the only person capable of fixing things. Which only made sense, since the Advisor _always_ fixed things. It's what she did, after all.

+++++ 15th Angel + 4: Monday, November 28th (123)

 _I'm doing what I can!_ Kyoko shouted over the howling wind of the practice field, _This is nothing like last time, it's like he's completely shut off his conscious thought!_

Ireul wished that she'd been faster to pull him out, and began coming up with the ways that she'd apologize to the women of his household for a situation that was at least partly her fault, _Just do what you can. At least Sahaquiel is sheltering the city._ Spying Maya's approach, she moved to intercept, _I cannot apologize enough, Your Grace._

 _What happened?_ The tiny technician's ears hurt for the raging storm above. The constant drumbeat of lightning, the river of air twisting about like an angered python, she knew her husband was hurting viciously. Approaching cautiously, subconsciously timing her pace to Ireul's, she let go of her own irritation earlier to focus on needs, _Is this like last time?_

 _No,_ the one-eyed Aspect shook her head. _This time h_ _e had success in his grasp, and we had to tear it free. As it stood before we did, we feared he might have already begun the process of bonding. It was his most earnest desire that not occur, and that meant it superseded all other concerns._

Only one word could sum up her feelings at that moment, _Crabapples._

Gaghiel fussed with his fins, _This is just like that other place._

 _The solution is different,_ Ireul assured her younger brother. Reaching Shinji and Kyoko, she urged Maya to embrace him, _Speak to Him, Your Grace. Let him hear your voice._

 _I could use a hand, dear,_ Kyoko reached for the other woman. _That is, if you're ok with me helping?_

Maya moved before the man she loved, and hurt in her heart for what she saw. Too many times in their previous lives had grief and rage made their homes on the face of a much younger Shinji Ikari. Boiled in LCL, battered about by invisible lashes, broken and bloodied, she had watched him be ground to nothing. Standing before her was a monument to all of those pains, his lips moving as he whispered something. Leaning in and joining her fellow scientist in attempting to comfort him, the words became clearer over the deadly chaos around them.

"It's not balanced."

+++++ 15th Angel + 4: Monday, November 28th (123)

The first breath was the hardest. Skin, muscles, and bone protested as they were asked to move in a manner that wasn't what they had become accustomed to. Expanding while bounding, limiting a motion that had been requested to be even more broad than was truly necessary. Nerve endings screamed that this was not what they'd been set to doing, and were steadfastly ignored as their new task was implacably finished.

The second breath would have come easier, had it not been for the disoriented cry of confusion. This, the place that here was, was not the place that had been. There was drab walls, a stiff bed, a door hiding the truth. Here was…a scent. Blood-tinted, antiseptic. Him. He had been here. Eyes focused further, attempting to make sense of a barrage of impressions both mobile and static. There was sound. Voices? Talking….

+++++ 15th Angel + 4: Monday, November 28th (123)

They weren't making any progress. Maya could tell that he was in a fugue, and had conveyed as much to the woman capable of siphoning off rage as if it were so much gasoline. _It's too much!_ Looking to Ireul, who was coordinating efforts between her siblings to limit the damage, she waved her hand for attention, _We need to shut him off, I need Ritsuko!_

 _It won't work,_ the Aspect of Terror shook her head. _No chemical you produce would likely do more than add mass to his being right now. He's drawing power directly from Creation itself!_ Scrubbing her hands through her hair, she tried to think of something else to try, _What if_ \- A stunning blow to her head from an unseen assailant rocked her forward, sending her stumbling into Kyoko and knocking them both down to the ground.

Turning, just in time to present her throat to a pinkish-hued woman, Maya found that breathing had become something of an issue. Time slowed, as it does for some people when faced with their imminent demise, bringing with it clarity and regrets. She knew, then, that Nozomi had been seeing their future. It wasn't clear when she had been seeing it _from_ , but it was painfully obvious that she had been seeing it. She also knew that Rose, her wife, came from a species of beautiful women. Whomever it was that was about to kill her, at least had the charity to be stunningly attractive while doing it. The last, and most painful, thought was that she shouldn't have snapped, even to herself, regarding Shinji having done what he did. He was being who he was. Accepting that was a part of truly loving him. And she did love him. She loved him so very, very much. Her neck was freed, physically and suddenly, by a streaking mass of aquatic death.

 _LET HER GO YOU_ NOT-POLITE _CREATURE!_ Gaghiel, not truly designed for combat, relied instead on mass and constant motion. Ramming into the alien's gut, he did what he could to free his friend.

Trying to draw in breath, and finding that she couldn't, the Lieutenant Colonel focused on maintaining calm. Pulling out her phone and tapping the emergency button to summon assistance, she was bowled over by the Aspect of Fish as the alien recovered her balance and fought back with more skill and talent than he was able to summon. Lying now on the ground, Maya saw the woman pull out a blade, one that looked far too similar to the bullets that they'd been testing of late for her comfort. Unable to move, unable to breathe, she watched in horror what followed.

Wordlessly approaching the still-abstracted would-be divinity, the implacable pink-hued assassin grabbed Shinji's shirt and plunged the knife into his chest, at the heart. The silence that followed was deafening, the unnatural storm dying off, the natural forces returning everything to where it should be. The Aspects, those that were visible, disappeared. Kyoko, too, vanished. With a contemptuous shove, she sent him down to the ground with the blade embedded deep and his eyes clearing in shock.

 _So…this is where it ends,_ Maya felt the tears build, finally accepting that there was nothing else to be done. _And I was mad at him for it._

His lips parting as he impacted the ground, he somehow uttered a word that she never thought she'd like hearing as his last, "Suzuka."

+++++ 15th Angel + 4: Monday, November 28th (123)

Suzuka Ikari was a woman that had serious anger management issues. She was also, however, a woman that loved children dearly. Her cold exterior around them was intended to prepare them for a world that would never be kind to them. She had, while the storm of her husband's rage boiled, spent that time unaware and holding Nozomi on her hip. The little chatterbox was 'helping' her with insignificant tasks intended to help the young one build manual dexterity, and so when she was summoned by the man she'd sworn to serve faithfully for all time…the child came along, but her sword did not.

Landing on the track at NERV she recognized from his testing, her instincts kicked in and her mind triaged everything. Maya was clutching her throat, the flesh bruised and malformed. Shinji was on his back with his spear resting against his palm, a blade in his chest. A pink-skinned woman turned to face her, blood on her hands. Her charge, still on her hip, was in danger. Her sword, and this last caused her to curse herself for a fool, had been set aside so that she did not tangle it in her charge's legs. With no time to be gentle, and an enemy at the gates, she tossed Nozomi aside and trusted to youth and agility to save the child, then charged towards Shinji's spear, the only weapon available, to join the battle.

+++++ 15th Angel + 4: Monday, November 28th (123)

If it weren't for the inability to move, Shinji wouldn't honestly have been in considerable physical discomfort. The knife sticking out of his chest was awkward, at worst, but otherwise he was simply…immobile. His eyes could focus, slightly, his lips could move, slightly, and he thought he might be able to wiggle his toes or fingers if he concentrated enough. The discomfort, which he was willing to admit was a tame way of putting unyielding agony, came from the fact that he could see his wife struggling to breathe, her throat ruined. His other wife, the one that hadn't paused to speak or offer words of comfort due to a pressing engagement, had picked up his spear after booting the member of Rose's crew away from him and began fighting for their lives. His other serious concern, the young leader of Team Rainbow, was stricken with terror at seeing two of the people she loved dying before her eyes. He willed for her to hear his thoughts, for his mind to order itself enough to tell her to find help for Maya, for someone to save the precious gift that he was about to lose forever. And, like most of his luck would have it in his opinion, the target of his mental urges chose to do the opposite.

Walking haltingly over, flinching at a cry or wet thwack between an enraged pregnant woman and an alien lifeform, Nozomi bent down and gripped the hilt of the knife, inadvertently summoning a series of visions in Shinji's mind. He could see her, as she was before, as she was then, and as she would be in the future. The child that struggled to understand why everyone was crying as her mother lay in that weird bed. Why her sisters, those happy, joyous, beings were suddenly covered in shadows that wouldn't lift. The girl that watched a broken man finally lift that shadow from the women she loved more than life itself. The woman that, one day, would find her place in the world that offered new and exciting opportunities each time the sun arose. He had seen the original vision incorrectly. She hadn't stabbed him, he now realized. She never would. He was the key to everything for her, and he was bleeding to death faster each time his heart cut itself anew on the blade.

"This is going to hurt," her voice had matured. "I'm very sorry, but I'm not the powerhouse my elder sister…." Cutting herself off with a look of confusion, she concentrated all of her strength on ripping an alien metal shard free from the earth-born bone and meat it had become lodged in. "Come…on…you…miserable…piece…of…." Bracing herself with her foot on his gut and clenching her teeth, she gripped harder and dug deeper, "I…will…not…lose…him…too!"

Beyond his ability to see at the moment, the fight had apparently not gone well. Through a combination of fatigue, unfamiliarity with the weapon she fought with, and, to her dismay, pregnancy, Suzuka had been outmatched for the first time in a long time. When she flew back into his vision, it was to barrel through Nozomi as an uncontrolled projectile.

Luck, as much as Shinji felt it hated him, remained rather fond of his existence. The small child, summoning power beyond her years, had pulled the blade far enough out that the impact brought it along with her for the ride. The freedom gained from no longer being held in stasis by the alien artifact restored a number of factors that tipped everything back in his favor. Without the fanfare of lightning, the cavalry arrived.

Rose, roaring a wordless promise of an unpleasant death for the traitor before her, streaked over him to begin the process of terminating the working relationship she had with her crewmember. The severance package, in the form of crippling blows to body and limbs, was delivered in a timely manner according to all standard legal agreements. The fight was no longer against an off-balance human fighting a strange foe's style. It was against a woman who'd trained her entire life to fight others just like her, and who was just, flat out, better at that mode of combat.

Shinji wasted no time, with too many problems piling up at once to appreciate his alien wife's presence. His pregnant wife, struggling to her feet and charging back to aid Rose in the fight, and Nozomi who was unconscious on the ground, both came second to his dying wife, struggling to breathe. Blood flowing freely from his chest, his body responding despite the increasing loss of sensation in his extremities, he crawled over to try and save the precious being that deserved every ounce of his efforts. Her eyes were unfocused, her hands still gripping at a noose of ruined tissue, and she remained far more beautiful than she knew herself to be. It was combat instincts that kept him from panicking, that kept him focused enough to think instead of feel. Summoning what little power he'd regained, he threw his mind towards the heavens above, and beyond to the moon, _Amy!_ He felt a connection clench into being that coursed through him as if he'd grabbed a live electrical wire, _PLEASE!_

Materializing in much the same way his [Song] did, the doctor responded immediately, "Need ya ta step back." Firmly, but not unkindly, shoving him out of the way, she spoke to herself in the truncated way that doctors did, expecting one of their staff to be taking notes for future reference as she worked with her hands to resolve the problem, "Female, Lilin, critical trauma to throat, larynx, esophagus, trachea. No time for subtle," reaching over behind his back to the sheathe he carried she pulled out the knife Vidar had gifted him, "need to restore airflow."

Before Shinji could stop her, his energy now spent and his mind gushing out of his body along with his life force, he watched as Amethyst inserted the tip of the knife lower in Maya's neck than the bulge of bruised tissues. Had he been mentally present enough, he might have recognized the tracheotomy being performed as necessary. As it was, he slumped to the ground on his side when his arm didn't respond the way he'd meant it to, intending to beg her not to kill his wife.

"Be right with ya, Shinji," she said with practiced sweetness, though her eyes remained cold and calculating as she focused on her task. Pulling out one of the pens Maya kept on her uniform, she cut off both ends to create a hollow tube and inserted it into the wound. Breathing carefully into it to gift her patient some air, she paused long enough to see if the air returned on its own. _Hey boss, ya almost done? I need some stuff from the ship, kind of losing your_ [Song] _here…uh, both of 'em. Stop flailing at that_ [Song] _and put her down hard!_ Returning to her patient, she worked with the materials at hand, "C'mon, lady. Shinji loves ya too much ta lose ya."

He had enough strength to reach over and take his wife's hand. If she…if he lost her, he would have her know that she had been everything he'd ever wanted, and more, "I…love…y-y-" A racking cough, his lungs filling with blood, stopped him from continuing the thought aloud. Consciousness began to leave his body with his life's essence, the world fading and narrowing as it did. He fought valiantly, but his body was tired and too weak after being directly exposed to something intended to stop beings such as him.

+++++ Author's Notes:

JaceSterne: RE: Notes.

I'll consider releasing what won't be either a spoiler for future works or too hard to make sensible to a not-me audience as a post-script chapter, sure. If there's enough interest to warrant the work.

Ghost Man: RE: Tsuru.

Farm girls are only innocent when they want to be, I assure you.

origamishishou:

RE: Asuka.

That poor, poor child.

RE: Misato.

She's a lot dangerous.

RE: Medication.

Better living through chemistry. People just need to remember that 'better' is a subjective term, and carries with it all the baggage that implies.


	137. Chapter 137

+++++ 15th Angel + 5: Tuesday, November 29th (124)

For Shinji, the next day began as many in his experience tended to: an unfamiliar ceiling, a hospital bed, a darkened room, and unrelenting anxiety kicking his teeth in. Trying to sit bolt upright, and finding that his body cared little for such capricious whims, all he managed was to convulse his body and flop about like a dying fish on the bed he laid upon. While not his intent, this action did serve to draw attention to his return to the world of the conscious before he aborted the attempt.

"Stop." Ritsuko's voice of command prevented a reprise of the first failed effort, and her gentle touch brought his head slowly towards facing her, and beyond her…relief. Catching where his eyes had settled, she smiled with understanding, "She's sedated, while our new Doctor works her 'sufficiently advanced technology'. But…she's alive." Tapping the glass wall between the room she stood inside with him, and the adjacent room Maya was resting unconscious within, she continued trying to stimulate his mind, "For her protection. She's had a hole cut in her throat, and the blade used wasn't properly sanitized beforehand. We'd have put her in a room with you, but we needed to keep infection risks down per protocol."

"She…." His mouth tasted terrible, "Blech…." He'd had uncountable instances of LCL in his mouth, times where he woke up and still tasted it because nobody'd cared enough to try helping him rinse it out before he woke up. The wretched taste in his mouth at that moment was a combination of every horrible thing he'd ever possibly considered having in his mouth at once.

"I think she's a little better than 'blech'," Ritsuko tittered. "We've done what we can to rinse your mouth out without drowning you," moving over to help him sit up by lifting the back of the bed, she patted his shoulder in understanding, "but vomiting blood and bile will leave all sorts of pleasantness in your mouth until you brush and rinse properly." With him appropriately seated, she moved to gather what he'd need, "I want you to understand that many of the women in the Manor are going to be…unhappy." Casting a quick look back and seeing both acceptance and confusion, she shook her head with a sad smile, "I'm just glad that the both of you will live."

 _I was an idiot._ Keeping his mouth closed while he used the implements of dental hygiene she brought him, he tried not to vomit again as he remembered how utterly helpless he was to stop Maya from dying. _I risked everything…and failed._

"So, you're awake," Jorth's voice issued from the door. Turning her attention to the doctor in the room, she raised her eyebrow, "How is his health?"

Shinji was surprised by the calm response the former blonde gave, "Yelling, no touching. We're not confident of how intact the pericardium is. I'd like to give him a day or so before strenuous activity."

Accepting the conditions set before her, the matronly priestess rounded the corner of the bed as he slowly spit out the remainder of his mouthwash into the basin. Stopping and measuring him up with a critical eye, she shook her head, "You are an idiot."

Too tired to protest overmuch as Ritsuko took away what he'd been using, he shrugged, "You won't get any arguments from me. My…ill-considered drive to fix something I'm not competent in repairing cost Maya dearly." He looked away to Ritsuko, "Is Suzuka ok? Is Nozomi talking to someone?" Misunderstanding his lover-slash-girlfriend's gesture of admonition, thinking that she was pointing for him to turn back and face his self-proclaimed sister instead of informing that sister to keep her hands to herself, he missed Jorth dropping her hand back from where it was about to grab his ear and haul him back about, "I'm sorry, Jorth. I'm concerned about my family, ok?"

"Shinji," Ritsuko gently stroked his arm, "Suzuka is fine. You might want to have Sandalphon check the little ones to be sure, but I performed her examination myself." When he once more, head wobbly, turned to regard her, she smiled with as much reassurance as she could muster, "Nozomi is with Misato, being distracted while we arrange for someone more suitable to help her process everything she's just seen."

"I'm…worse than an idiot." Placing his head on the pillow, he stared at the ceiling above him, "I couldn't…I _didn't_ think. I just, I figured that it would be better than last time. That Leliel and Ireul could keep me from getting in that deep. Never once did I actually contemplate that I would have success in my hands…and not actually _succeed_." Clenching his fists, he spat out, "I'm going to get someone killed."

"You're impatient," Jorth snapped. "That, my dearest brother, is your greatest sin. It's not that you don't think things through, because you've been trained to react to the situation placed before you. My husband, the fool, has the same weakness. If there is a task to be about, he is about it. If there is a life to be saved, he saves it. You, like every other pilot I've ever known," she jabbed the mattress next to him, "male or female, are an impatient idiot." A dark smile fought with the anger and tears, "I can see why my sister-in-law loves you so much." Retrieving her phone from her cleavage, she turned on the screen and displayed what she'd intended to.

Shinji's heart _hurt_ at the sight. Laying there, eyes open and clearly in the middle of processing an enormous amount of information as she spoke to Thor…. "I…I…." The basin was before his mouth, Ritsuko having expected what followed, and he emptied his stomach into it instead of onto his bedding, clothes, and wound. A second, more forceful, round followed the first, before he collapsed back down and gasped for air.

Jorth, ignoring what she'd been told, combed her fingers through his hair with tears winning the battle against anger, "You saved her, you soft-hearted _fool_." Leaning forward and bracing her head against his, she cried quietly, "Ten minutes. If you had waited just _ten_ _minutes_ , we might not have almost lost you, your wives, your _children_ , to the Forever Lands."

He couldn't keep the tears from his own eyes, his emotions boiling up as he recalled the feeling of helplessness. The feeling of rage at failure. What truly tore at him, however, was the blank space in between. He could recall nothing from the moment he approached the door to Idunn's room, until he was staring down at…. _Rose._ He'd asked about Suzuka, he'd asked about Nozomi, he said nothing about Rose. _What kind of monster have I become?_

It was too much for his mind to manage, the costs of victory too terrible to contemplate with such immediacy. His chest clenched, his mind seized, and darkness reclaimed its due.

+++++ 15th Angel + 5: Tuesday, November 29th (124)

An hour or so later, Hikari, having politely informed the varying schools that the household would not be attending for the foreseeable future, sat with her school-issued notebook by her side verifying that all of the paperwork for home schooling was in order. It was a distraction, she knew that it was, but it was a _necessary_ distraction to stop her from going into her wife's hospital room and risking contaminating her lungs, or her husband's hospital room and saying something she knew she didn't truly mean, or yet another redhead's room elsewhere and engaging in some Okinawan Therapy. She was where she could see the doors, she knew who went in, and who came out, and that was enough.

Sitting by her, quietly going over lesson plans, was one of the latest women to claim fiancée status. Yang, content to sit quietly so long as Hikari kept her anger in check, was no less furious with the situation. The man she loved was not well. Not in his mind, not in his spirit, and now not in his body. He had been authorized by everyone, either tacitly or through inaction, to seek out the chance the previous day to 'fix' someone in a coma. Someone he, by his own words, wasn't certain how he felt regarding. His actions were not taken from blind love, or from a position of indebtedness. He was, at best, friends. There was, at most, a _chance_ for love. He had ignored _everything_ they'd spoken of the night they'd made love, and he'd nearly-

The quiet ringtone of Hikari's phone, indicating that the caller was her elder sister, interrupted both young women's increasingly angry thoughts. Picking it up, the Class Rep calmly pressed the button to answer, "Hi Koko. How is she doing?" She listened carefully to the reply, "Of course. Thank you. Still nothing from our end. I promise I'll call when we know more." Hanging up just as steadily as she'd answered, she set the device back down and paraphrased, "The Shirakami have a crisis counselor who has been working with Fuuka Hayakawa. She has volunteered her services for Nozomi-chan and Yinghua-chan, and been told that if any information leaks they will not be gentle in terminating their business relationship."

"Good," Yang wasn't alarmed that Misato had punted the entire affair out of NERV's hands. Keeping Team Rainbow as far away from the GeoFront as possible, save for a dire emergency, was a much better plan than involving the labyrinthian processes of the UN. "Ma will make certain everything is as it should be."

A small noise of recognition that a response had been given, and the first woman to truly kiss Shinji went back to her tasks. She was not angry at Yang. She was not angry that for each woman that had been added, she had less say in what happened with her husband. She was not childish enough to 'take back' what had been done. She, more than anyone else, had created the very monster that had nearly claimed their futures. She, not he, was most at fault for what had happened to her baby sister. He was a product of everything that had been done to, with, and for him. He was a computer, and they had all programmed him. And as one of the books she'd borrowed from Ritsuko had stated, 'Garbage In, Garbage Out'.

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Spying the twin corpsmen exiting the room after the most recent evaluation, the lanky agent leaning against the nearby wall asked, "Status?" Mikoto had been chosen to check in on the woman that had nearly cost the Manor everything. Of any of the three Agents, she was determined to be the least likely to do or say something that would precipitate a 'diplomatic incident', "Still awake?"

Rina, waving her sister off, urged the dangerous woman she'd known for some time further down the hall away from the door, "Fragile. Her body has atrophied far more than we would expect with only a month of inactivity. She was healthy, now she is not. She will recover, though perhaps not as soon as she might prefer."

Grunting, she nodded her acceptance of the report. She knew she wouldn't be told everything, but it was enough for now to know that the woman she worked with was going to eventually be fine. Shinji hadn't nearly sacrificed everything, only to gain nothing. There was a relief, of sorts, in that. Looking back to the door, she frowned, "Guests?"

"Our patient is insisting that other than her brother, sister-in-law, and General Benoit, no one else is to be allowed entry," lifting her badge and waggling it, she shrugged. The message was clear. The door was locked, and there would be no entry without medical permission.

Inclining her head in farewell, Shinji's Assassin turned and stalked back to where she could pass along what she'd learned. Her talents would not be required…yet.

+++++ 15th Angel + 5: Tuesday, November 29th (124)

Eve, if one had asked her why she was doing what she was doing, would have demonstrated a proficiency for swearing that encompassed a breadth and depth of languages and education that few beings that ever had or ever would exist could match. Volume, tonal range, every ounce of her impressive vocal abilities would have been summoned to explain to the poor soul that questioned why she had her hand around her son's throat and was one faint breeze away from squeezing his head off his shoulders like a perverted dandelion.

Her temper, prodigious on its own, was not aided by what was known as a 'shit-eating grin', currently occupying the smug, self-satisfied, countenance she'd birthed into existence. Tabris, silent and still, dared his mother to go against Creation. To aid him in death, and through death, his victory. She'd caused him pain he'd never unknow, she'd twisted his body as far as it could be turned, and he remained unbowed. He knew, as well as she did, that there was nothing left for her to do. She could stop him from leaving, but she couldn't stop him from winning. In life, or in death, he would win.

+++++ 15th Angel + 5: Tuesday, November 29th (124)

"I did what I could," Amethyst answered with special attention to her diction. "He, somehow, bonded me in the way he and my Captain have bonded. I was located on the [Song], well out of range as far as our science understands, and suddenly…his voice brought with it both gift, and need."

Misato, having handed over the Little Lady of the Horaki to her eldest biological sister for transportation to the Shirakami, now hosted a fact finding mission in her office. Sitting with the alien doctor, she attempted to piece together what little was available to put together for an after action report that would make sense, "I appreciate what you've done, Doctor. Maya is…a wonderful woman. Her loss would have been…." Closing her eyes she fought to remain detached enough to be professional, "So, your ship's pilot. She'll live?"

"That is up to the Captain," she shook her head. "The law is rather unforgiving regarding the attempted murder of another woman's proper…ty…." Holding up hand her eyes widened, "Habit! That's a habit, [Song]. Please, I don't think'a him as property, he's a great guy! Swell! Takes care a-"

"Hey, hey, hey," the violet-haired sub-commander waved the offense off in irritation, "stop." One final gesture, and she repeated herself, "Stop. Is that the law she will be punished under?"

"[Song] is gonna hit her with everythin'. Multiple counts of attempted murder, disobeyin' orders, misbehavior before th' enemy, unlawful possession of a weapon of mass destruction, pilferin' anotha culture's artefacts, unauthorized contact with a protected planet, tamperin' with a diplomatic mission, the list goes on an' on." Her smile was tremulous, "A death sentence would be _kind_ compared t' what could be brought before her. As Cap'n, she has the standin' t' authorize far, far worse. Her XO is actively petitionin' for [Song], though I doubt Shinji would approve. He's a soft heart he is."

A slow, even, breath before she clasped her hands gently on her desk, "I don't speak your language, Doctor. What is her XO asking for?"

"I said…oh," her lips bunched off to the side as she calmed down enough to begin speaking clearer once more, "you would not have that on your world, would you? I am sorry, I am trying very, very hard to watch my accent. He…he asked me to be careful, to be a good influence." Looking down at her hands, she tried again, "She would have her conscious thought…limited. She would be able to seek out legal resolutions to immediate needs, so that she wasn't a burden on anyone, but otherwise she would be placed as a [Song]. No…no, that wouldn't be a word you had."

Misato knew for certain Shinji wouldn't approve of what it sounded like, "Is it permanent?"

"Very. Her memories are excised, her conscious mind limited." The medical professional grimaced cutely, "It is not widely used as a sentence, as it is rare that we have incontrovertible proof of someone's guilt in crimes that would merit it. With the witnesses we have, the documented evidence, there is no doubt of her guilt. The 'why' of most of her crimes will not matter. The crewmember standing for her during the trial will likely focus on begging for leniency."

"How many more people will be exposed as…enemies, I guess is the better word," sitting back and letting the rhetorical question lie, she looked off into the distance and let what she'd just learned begin to find its place in her mind. "I'm sorry, Doctor…. I'm going to need to find ways to kill members of your race. I cannot allow humanity to rely solely on Shinji, or Captain Rose's loyalties to him. The women we've gathered are weak points in any strategy, and if Suzuka can't reliably win, I don't hold high hopes for our military."

Her skin, of a hue with the stone she had been nicknamed for, paled as Amy nodded slowly, "That, [Song], is the greatest tragedy of the day. Because I am honor-bound to help you do so as a member of our [Song], and that flies in the face of my profession."

+++++ 15th Angel + 5: Tuesday, November 29th (124)

"You…what?" Akane, having been temporarily assigned to the UNIGC for the duration of their stay in NERV Tokyo-3, heard the news she'd expected at some point but could not bring herself to believe that she'd heard it _right now_ , "You're serious?"

"Sir, I'm requesting a transfer to NERV," Nicki hoped that the transfer would be approved, because the other option was that she quit entirely and seek protection with Shinji from the legal fallout that would entail.

General Benoit, having set aside the time to speak to those not only 'attached' to Shinji but beholden to him, reversed the order of his responses, "You will be transferred to the Paladin's UN Mission, Agent. Yourself, and as many others as I can afford to lose that wish to be so. Should you choose to remain a member of the best chance Humanity has to defend him against…humanity…." He had never felt as old as he did at that moment. Sagging slightly, he let the grandfather show past the military officer, "The choice is yours, Nicolette. I will sign whatever papers you put before me. I have no interest in harming him, or you." Turning to consider the deadly operator standing to the side of the young blonde, he shrugged, "My work is complete. I will not waste money for sentimentality, and I will not eschew responsibility for the terrible things we have done to rip the cancer that is SEELE from the world. This, leaving and facing my superiors, is the best gift I can offer to him now."

Shinji's Shadow crossed her arms angrily, "I'm talking about the part where you're taking the wounded with you. I don't give a rabbit's fluffy shit about the former commander, or even you if you're pulling up stakes, but she hasn't even taken a moment to _speak_ to our man! I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt and assuming that you're just 'doing what's best', instead of planning the quickest route for me to snatch her ginger ass bald."

"Akane," Nicolette tried to explain the woman she knew far better, "Haraldson's compromised here. We all were, yes, but unlike us she still has the choice to do-"

"The right thing?" Scoffing, incredulous, she turned her ire on her housemate, "The right thing, here, is standing behind the man that got us this far. It's digging deeper and holding harder, not running away because people might look at us funny. Who gives a shit if she's 'compromised'? There's plenty of work to be done here for people like us. Plenty of work wherever he goes."

"It is _her_ decision," Philip asserted, hoping that they would take the hint. "I can only do what I am, as long as I am her superior. I could never order her to ignore her ethical obligations in that way."

"It's a stupid fucking decision." Akane stormed out of the office after a withering look at the short blonde, "I guess we're learning who's actually dedicated, aren't we?"

As the door slammed behind the angered woman, the remaining agent tried not to appear as hurt as she felt, "You'll make sure Jake's taken care of, right?"

"My son will want for nothing, I assure you." Offering her a tired smile, he tried to end the conversation on a happier note, "I look forward to watching you find your place in the world, my dear. I knew, when I hired you, that my side was not where you would find it. However, I wish you to know that I never doubted your skill, your integrity, or your drive to succeed. Just because you are leaving my employ, does not mean I am beyond your reach. Ask, and I will do whatever I can to help someone I have been proud to call my daughter."

Nicki nodded, unwilling to trust the words that were coming to mind. Excusing herself, she went to find her place in a world that seemed determined to change violently in a single day.

+++++ 15th Angel + 5: Tuesday, November 29th (124)

"It is not entirely incorrect to say that I have never been so humiliated in my entire life," Suzuka stated grimly. Sitting at a table in the Blue Crane, two of her older friends with her, the elegant swordswoman was as close to tears as they'd ever seen her. "I have lived my entire life preparing to fight. Centuries learning the sword. And the moment it mattered most…."

Nanako looked to Xuefan, hoping that the woman was of a mind with her, "Motherhood can be challenging, I hear."

The proprietress of the Blue Crane nodded, "It finds ways to consume the other habits you've built up over a lifetime. Things you once had all the time in the world to do, you find yourself setting aside to make certain that the children are properly cared for."

"Had I not been found lacking," dark brown eyes hardened, "I might rest more assured that I would live to _become_ a mother. That I would not have to feed them the thin gruel of secondhand memories of their father. That their aunt, who would be as a mother to them in my stead, would have survived. That Little Nozomi-chan could still hold faith in my protection." Her skin discolored around her knuckles as her fist tightened about the teacup she held, "I have failed, in the past. _Never_ have I failed so utterly."

"He's alive," the club owner urged. "So is Maya-san. Nozomi-chan will be ok, we'll make sure of that. She has Yinghua-chan by her side, the two of them are speaking to one of the best therapists I know. Group counseling, trauma therapy, it will all be ok."

The cup shattered in her hand, spraying liquid and drawing blood, "It will _not!_ " Standing, Suzuka turned and left without another word.

Neither woman insisted she stay, knowing all too well that some words weren't meant for external ears, some wounds weren't meant to be healed by friendship. Several moments passed as they silently considered the situation before them. Shinji, nearly murdered and unconscious. Maya, kept unconscious by the medications intended to heal the serious physical injuries she'd sustained. Both, however, would need far more than balms and poultices for the mental and spiritual wounds they likely had incurred. The Shirakami desperately wished to provide such, and the organization each victim worked for refused to allow that aid for its employees.

"I apologize for interrupting you, Madame Xu," Fuuka's voice quietly flowed from the door to the study she had been occupying. "Might I ask after Ikari-sama's health?" When both women turned to consider her, she looked to the floor to avoid seeming as if she were challenging them, "I…apologize for overhearing. Madame Ikari's voice carries exceptionally well."

"He'll be fine, dear," Xuefan sighed, standing to see to the most recent daughter she'd gained. Moving over and drawing the young woman into a comforting hug, she showered affection where the ground had never seen so much as a sprinkle of the same, "He is tougher than he looks, and he looks rather tough, doesn't he?"

Nanako, remaining seated, supported her business partner, "He's got a hard road to walk, Fuuka-chan. That's why everyone's so upset. We wish we could do more to help, but there will always only be so much we can do from the outside."

Both women missed the subtle hint of inspiration that struck amber-colored eyes, the younger woman's interest piqued by what the lovely woman she had been speaking to regarding her past had called 'an external motivation'. She understood the concept enough to know that it was a temporary replacement for the 'internal motivation' that she was meant to build towards. If she could act upon the external, in a manner that he might approve of, perhaps he could be convinced to come and visit again. He had, for the brief time they'd interacted, shown her something she wanted terribly to feel again. Warm, and sharp. Soft and…. "Might I be allowed to spend a few moments entertaining the children of his Manor? Perhaps, if it is not inconvenient, assisting them in preparing some form of well wishes to encourage his return to health?"

+++++ 15th Angel + 5: Tuesday, November 29th (124)

"…and her intel on Unit-03 was just _ever_ so fucking timely! Let's hope that whatever damaged cotton candy she has left upstairs doesn't wait another three years before burping out a warning we can actually act on. After, of course, she abandons everything here to go running back to France, or Norway, or the remains of Burkina bloody Faso for all we know!"

"Your lips to God's ears," Kelly sighed. She had spent the past several minutes listening to Akane rant about Idunn's 'decision', and hadn't come to her own decision yet regarding how she felt on the matter. On the one hand, she could respect that duty came before the desires of the Norwegian's heart. On the other, there were far too many ways to serve the good of mankind that were afforded to those who held a piece of Shinji's heart. "I'm sorry, Akane, I need to update Their Excellencies on Shinji's situation. The Vatican is eager to provide whatever aid they can, and I need to find a way to politely decline their offer of taking his Confession."

The agent glowered at the room she'd been denied entry to, then at her partner who was working on paperwork instead of helping her bellyache about the volume of stupidity that had struck in the past day, then finally down to the floor, "Need someone on your six? If I stand here, I'm going to start to consider breaking the door down, or yelling at the scare-cunt sitting there like nothing's wrong."

The Irishwoman noticed Mikoto's upraised finger, projecting its malice towards Akane's back, and ignored it to prevent a scene, "Sure. Saki could use another perspective on how this is handled, for her education."

+++++ 15th Angel + 5: Tuesday, November 29th (124)

"…which was, when you consider everything, why I was able to defeat them so easily."

Shinji's mind resurfaced from the abstracted fugue he'd collapsed into, enough to catch the last sentence of the entity speaking to him calmly. He knew he was in his soul by the surroundings, which meant he was unconscious, which meant…something. There was something missing. Something important. Many somethings? He couldn't seem to get his mind to focus enough to explain why he was where he was, or why there wasn't…more. Looking up he saw, for the first time, the former Fourteenth Angel.

Zeruel was, as far as he could describe, a being comprised of an infinite number of arms. Each limb, from the shoulder down, was conjoined to each other limb, at the shoulder. Folding outwards like petals from a flower, his hands either gesticulated, or acted to form false eyes, lips, and other features as he spoke. It seemed the same view no matter what angle he considered the being from, and it was jarring, at first, to observe…which was what informed the Aspect of Strength that his host had finally regained lucidity, "Ah. Welcome back."

Blinking, unable to remember or recall anything they'd supposedly been speaking on, trying to re-associate where he was, or what he'd been doing, the former Third Child clutched to the tail end of what he'd heard, "Did…did we defeat someone?"

A cautious smile grew on careful lips, "I defeated your cohort, the red and the blue, in the world you remember most. You and I fought to a standstill. I do not wish to wager which of us might have triumphed, however. You are quite dangerous, when properly motivated. I, on the other hand, had practice and wisdom. A match for the ages, we might have had. Or, as in this world, you might have simply dismantled me like some novice."

His chest expanded, the first breath taken as 'humanity' reasserted its grasp over his psyche, "I…am sorry I did that." He knew he should be remembering something, something important, but the apology seemed necessary. "I approached you as an enemy, and demanded you stand down. It was disrespectful."

Caution shifted to earnest, "I am pleased to hear you say so, my friend." With an offer of several hands, he urged Shinji upright, "Come, come. Let us move about some. Now that you are aware, we should focus our efforts on rebuilding."

A flash of memory, Nozomi holding the knife in his chest, caused him to stumble, "I…w-what happened?"

"Life," Zeruel wasn't unkind, but nor was he coddling. "Come, we should go this way." Turning slightly he drifted, floating on absent winds, towards a bright spot on the horizon.

Catching up, with one hand rubbing his temple, Shinji felt his body begin to ache, "What…uhm, what are we rebuilding?"

"Everything, anything, that which must be built once more," the Aspect patted the small of his back. "I have found, throughout the long ages of my life, that things have a tendency to fall apart at odd times. I was rather disappointed, at first, that the bonds I inspired did not hold them together better."

Another flash, Rose flying past, screaming in violent rage.

"I found, and this is also something I felt was truly bizarre, that some of those bonds that were the strongest…repelled each other the most!" The scientist came forth and wonderment issued from Zeruel's tone, "It seems so contrary! The allure, the draw between those two atoms, and yet somehow…. Ah, the explosion that resulted would have awed you. It was a vision to behold. I wish my Aspect allowed me to show you…perhaps if I ask Sahaquiel, she might help me paint it."

"Saha-chan is…she's a wonderful artist," he agreed, his mind flinching at the odd way the statement felt. A memory of papers on a sleek, metallic, surface, "The art I hung on the fridge, Nozomi-chan…." The memory pulsed once more, the knife sliding into and out of his chest as she pulled, or pushed.

"It's small wonder, the skies above have always held beauty for any creature that can behold them." Pausing at a river that had appeared nearby, the many-armed being turned to gesture to the far side, "Do you remember how to cross?"

Blonde hair, then brown, and vibrant green portals, appeared in his mind. "Y…yes."

"Excellent." Turning back to their direction of travel, he floated over the top of the obstruction, trusting that his conversational partner would follow. After hearing the splash of entry, and a sting of defeat, he began to speak once more, "A fantastic skill to possess, swimming. So many modes and methods of performing it, each with the same end goal. Reaching the far side."

Having opted for a simple breaststroke, Shinji's mouth remained above water to reply, "It's important t-to Rits. She asked me to learn."

"Doing what others ask of us does create sturdy bonds," pausing at the opposing bank, he turned to watch Shinji's approach. "Though, only if both parties agree, and are unified in intent. Otherwise, what holds them together? Indebtedness? That's a poor foundation for a commercial relationship, to say nothing of the more emotional ties."

Asuka's face, her demands, her voice, a rapid series of explosive memories in his mind all dropped him under the water as his head felt too heavy to stay upright, and his heart began to shudder violently. Fighting against the pain, against the desire to sink, against the need to remain engaged with the person he'd been speaking with, his body refused to respond as it ought to have. Soon, he found himself grabbed by many hands, and tossed up onto the bank to gasp for air that he'd forgotten he didn't need. Coughing and sputtering, he tried to utter the reflexive platitude of gratitude.

"I do wonder, though, why you didn't simply jump across." Dipping down so that he was near to face level, the Aspect of Strength frowned with nimble fingers, "Or fly. Or walk across the water's surface. Do you dislike Sachiel? Arael? Either would have been glad to lend you their aid, I should think."

"I-I," coughing once more as he struggled to his feet, Shinji stared out at the vast deserts that had awaited his arrival on the far side of the river, "I…forgot."

"Mmm," Zeruel seemed disheartened. Turning back to their direction of travel, he set off once more, leaving Shinji to follow, or not.

+++++ 15th Angel + 5: Tuesday, November 29th (124)

Tsuru, having chosen to stay home and prepare the house for everyone's eventual return, was taking the solitude of being the only human around as an opportunity to engage in some constructive crying. Everything that had happened, both good and bad, since the trip to Ogawa had been piling up on her shoulders. Massive changes to her life had always produced the need to cry, and there had been none anywhere near as massive as Shinji Ikari, save the death of her mother. The act of releasing the tension, however, was best done alone. Where people wouldn't see her, and think she was a whining baby. Where they wouldn't judge her weak, or spineless, or cowardly. People, even some she now lived with, misunderstood emotional depth for feebleness. Could her emotions be too strong? Yes. But that was why she kept her mouth shut, instead of talking constantly like some of the others.

Flicking out the towel she'd pulled from the dryer, to remove any creases before folding it neatly, she heard a heavy 'thump' upstairs. Her first instinct, fear, was pushed out of the way when she remembered that she was standing in one of the most secure houses on the planet. What had happened at NERV, had happened because Shinji was the target of beings that were cruel, malicious, and terrible. Her second instinct, nervous worry, was because she'd watched too many horror movies with Yang and suddenly realized that she was _alone_ in a huge house. Shaking herself, and berating her mind for being silly, she set down the towel atop the others and hurried up to see if someone had returned. Perhaps they needed…. "Oh!"

Collapsed on the floor in the main living area, drenched, muddy, and being inspected with some concern by Pen-Pen, was Lilith. Her head wobbling, fatigue evident, she flinched towards the sound of someone approaching, and blinked owlishly, "Y-you…."

Her interactions with the elder being had been few and far between. Not total strangers, but certainly not fast friends, she still felt an obligation to react with concern, "Lily-san, what happened?" Hurrying over and shooing the warm-water penguin back to its refrigerator, she picked up the beautiful creature's hand and felt for her pulse, "Should…should I call a doctor?"

"…No," speaking seemed to take a great deal of effort for the Second Angel. Far more than Tsuru felt it ought to have, "Sh-Shinji?"

"He's at the base. You…has nobody told you?" The thought occurred to her such a situation seemed wrong as well, why wouldn't Lilith have rushed to help him? A new possibility sprang up in her mind, "Were you attacked too?!"

Summoning her strength, she reached up and gripped the side of the young woman's neck, "Where…is…Shinji?"

"Safe as far as I know…it's a long story. I don't know that I can carry you there, because we're not supposed to let you be seen. So…." Looking around, she made a judgement call, "Let's get you into the shower. You're filthy, and freezing. I can't see that you're bleeding, but I can at least get you clean and warm." Nodding to the plan that she was developing, she showed that while she looked slender she was well-muscled from a life lived working on a farm, as she scooped Lily from the ground, "Let me explain what I know. I'll ask the others questions as you come up with them."

Provided with a well-formulated narration of the events as had been expressed to Tsuru by the group chat on the cell phones, as well as her calls to various ladies to make certain there was nothing they needed, Lilith seemed to settle down somewhat. That Shinji was alive, if injured, and that the method of injury seemed to be a blade crafted by a shard of the Spear of Longinus, explained much of what had happened to her. Seated on the low stool and being cleaned with far more tenderness than she expected, she was able to extract some needed energy from the young woman's repressed urges to linger over certain areas, "Need…favor…."

Shifting so that she knelt closer to the front of her patient, the seafoam-eyed beauty tilted her head, "What can I do, Lily-san?"

"Need…kiss…." Her mouth, thankfully, was clean. The unexpected drain of all of her energy had come from still being tethered to Shinji's state by the agreement to limit her power to his, and she needed to regain power just as badly as he now did. Unlike the Aspects, who had been banished to his soul but retained their own batteries, she was still Angelic in total. When she had crash-landed, winding up in a rice field between where Tabris was being held and the Manor, she'd had her jaw clenched shut in anger.

Tsuru, though, was dubious regarding the matter, "A…kiss?"

"Please," the fact that she had to beg anyone for this would, if she could help it, be brushed under the rug. Seduction was not an option, as she knew she was not, at the moment, the fantastical being she'd described to Hikari in the nearby baths not a day past. "It's…food…."

"Kisses are…oh," blinking, things clicked into place in Tsuru's mind. "Like Ramiel with anger, or Ireul and fear! You…need kisses?" The frown was only a twitch before sense clicked in, "No…you…. Oh. That's why you want to be touched by Shinji so badly."

The sudden shift towards pity on the face of the woman before her would have driven her to rage, if she were whole. Swallowing more of her pride, she leaned forward and rested her head against her tormentor, "Please."

Checking that the door was shut, and biting her lip as a variety of possible ideas came to mind, the farmgirl decided for once in her life to try and extract something for herself, instead of just giving constantly and hoping for the best, "If I help you with _more_ than a kiss…will you help me learn how to seduce Shinji?"

The music of her daughter's soul was ambrosia. " _Yes_." She would give far more than lessons and aid in a proper seduction at that moment, "I…swear…."

Reaching around behind her own back, Tsuru quickly pulled off her shirt, "If…if Hikari can have evenings with other women in this house…so can I."

+++++ 15th Angel + 5: Tuesday, November 29th (124)

"He is unconscious," Amy stated, more to jog herself into solving the problem than out of any need to state the obvious. "He is weakened, after exposure to that fragment. The scans do not show any splinters or shards in his chest. You are providing hydration and limited sustenance. I could try many things, but without knowing _why_ he is not awake I risk a lot more harm than benefit."

Ritsuko nodded, having expected something along those lines, "Thanks for at least consulting. Is there anything I can do to help with Maya?" Looking through the glass wall to the slumbering beauty, the familiar sting of fear that she'd almost lost a young woman who she needed to do more with, for, and around, pricked her heart.

"Nothing physical," the alien doctor shrugged. "When we wake her up, she will require comforting. I was able to smooth out the discoloration from the emergency tracheotomy, so she should not _actively_ see it unless she is _actively_ searching for the line." Closing her eyes, she groaned, "Ya know how hard I have it? It's like I'm back in med school. Speakin' like a [Song] instead of how a lady oughta!"

The former blonde grinned in understanding, "Believe me, I know how you feel. I normally have to dumb my lexicon down significantly to be understood by people around me. I try to be specific, they say I'm being 'too technical'. I try to speak in generalities, they tell me I'm being 'too vague'. It's not their fault that they're not as smart as I am, but it is _aggravating_ that they refuse to try and learn something!"

"I know, right?!" The feel of a kindred spirit grew, "So, I gotta ask ya…is he gonna be upset at me for bein' [Song], like the Cap'n?"

Surmising the blank word, Ritsuko shook her head with a rueful frown, "Yes, but not for the reason you think. He took your free will, in his mind. From what I understand, this link between your soul and his wouldn't have worked if you hadn't wanted to respond to his plea?"

"Like tryin' ta mix lubricant and solvent. Ya can't push like that, ya get rejected _hard_." Fussing with Shinji's sheets, she scowled, "Gonna have ta explain ta him that he's notta burden, ya know? He's the chance of a lifetime to study! The only mix of Lilin and Adamite DNA…well…depends on how his kids come out. This Suzuka, she willin' ta work with us doctors?"

The former blonde's eyes narrowed, "She'd better, those are my nieces. If something is going to go wrong, I want to be out ahead of it."

+++++ 15th Angel + 5: Tuesday, November 29th (124)

It had been filled with naïve fumbling at first, and more than a little awkward communication as lessons were imparted, but a self-propelled elder being with a greater store of energy walked out of the bathroom an hour later with a blushing teen, "All I ask, my dear, is that you keep my statements prior to your _lovely_ touch to yourself, hmm?" Turning slightly and tickling under her chin, she gave a winning grin, "Feel free to tell them that we comforted each other as we cried with worry. I know you fret so for his health, and I feel that is wonderful." Stretching her arms, she pulled the other woman into another hug, "If only they all felt as deeply for him as you do. But there can be only one Priestess, and you've started down that path with enthusiasm today."

Her body felt alive, the gratification she'd received lingering on in ways that would enliven the rest of her week, and Tsuru returned the embrace happily, "Maybe you can help me worship him properly, soon." Reducing her voice to a whisper, she admitted a new hope that had arisen, "You and him at the same time…might be too much for me."

 _Please, let that happen. I'll include every other woman in this damn_ city _, if it gets him to actually touch me._ Keeping the thought to herself, she instead separated slowly to allow her touch to last, "I would relish the chance, my dear. But I need to go apologize to people, and explain my absence during the fight. If I don't, then I doubt I'll get nearer to him than I am now for years, and I want to be closer to him so badly I'm…." Sighing with frustration, she pushed Tsuru back some to consider the young woman more fully, "Thank you. Truly."

Faced with someone else's problem, and her own innate desire to help others reach towards the grace of the man she adored, she asked with honest curiosity, "You would do…anything? To be in his bed?"

"If I knew it would work, yes." Realizing that as she was already relying on the young woman's willingness to keep secrets, she figured she may as well see how far that willingness extended, "He asked me to talk to his wives. Said that if they gave him the go ahead, he'd share some lust with me. I've been asking them what I could do for them, and each of them has given me the same answer."

"No?" Tsuru could see their perspective, "That's…not unreasonable, but not really fair to you." Fidgeting with her thumbs, she worked her mouth a bit before pushing further, "It may not be my place…I'm only his fiancée, not his wife…but I know of something you could do that would get me to beg him to share with you."

Raising her eyebrow slightly, she rolled her hand slightly, "Go ahead."

"…Rei-chan." Wincing as Lilith's face went flat, she blurted out, "He loved her so much! If you could heal her, wake her up somehow, I think he'd give you anything! I know that I could use another woman who hides her emotions like I do around…." Petering out, she looked down, "I know it's another woman around the house, another person to share him with, but she loved him…probably more than he loved her. I could see it, every time she looked at him."

Her eyes scanned the young farmgirl's face, "…Heal her…."

"She's in that tank, in NERV. At least, Hikari says she is. With all of us supposedly being 'equals', we don't seem to talk about everything that impacts all of us with each other. I only know what I do because I overheard it. I…I kind of think they've forgotten about her, sometimes. With everything going on, with the fight to survive…well…." Her confidence spent, she looked to the ground, "It's just a thought."

Stopping a bridge from burning before construction was finished, she offered some advice, "There are different forms of equality, my dear. Much of what you desire is within your reach if you are willing…to sacrifice…." The solution to her problems slapped her in the face, the advice she was dispensing somehow making it past her own hang-ups, "…Well, damn."

+++++ 15th Angel + 5: Tuesday, November 29th (124)

Tired and spent after trekking across a lengthy desert, Shinji leaned heavily against the most recent Aspect to join his soul, "I…am sorry…Zeruel…."

"As am I, my friend," patting him on the back, he kept dragging him onwards. "The journey, far more than the destination, is where knowledge is gained. That you must undergo these trials is regrettable, that the costs to your being are compounding, more so."

Shuffling through a thick, freezing, fog, he tried to maintain the conversation, "A-are w-we still on t-t-track?"

The response the former Angel of Strength had given more than once, was the only response he'd give, "Mmm."

His body ached, the cold settling into his muscles, and his teeth began to chatter, "I w-w-wish Sh-Sh-Shamshel were here."

"Oh?"

He nodded, "Th-th-they're w-w-warm. It w-w-would b-b-be n-n-nice."

"…Mmm."

+++++ 15th Angel + 5: Tuesday, November 29th (124)

"Why now?" Misato couldn't believe what she was hearing, "The whole reason he's leaving is because he doesn't want to waste _money_?!" Alone with her commanding officer, she felt free to 'relax', "Shinji almost dies, needs protection against people with the means to kill him now more than ever, and the UN's lead investigative body just decides 'Eh, screw it, too spendy'? That's bullshit!"

Kozo couldn't bring himself to advocate for the devil, so to speak, "I don't disagree. The problem I have, however, is that I don't believe he's lying. He's made some deals that he needs to honor, to protect his people, and so he's going to honor them. The diplomatic fallout over the results of the investigation, to say nothing of the body count that investigation inspired, is going to leak. People will find out about the human cost we've paid, and by reporting in and taking responsibility instead of accepting a higher post he's falling on his sword for those beneath him."

"Well when the sword falls on our necks I-" The sub-commander changed tracks as Lilith faded into being, "And where the fuck were you?" Turning her ire on a being that could erase her from existence, the lavender-haired warrior demonstrated that she was never one to be weak, "Shinji gets attacked and you're off somewhere else? Great job paying-"

"Shut up," her pride could only swallow so much, and being berated by one of her daughters was taking her to the end of her proverbial rope. "Not terribly long ago as you understand time, I agreed to limit my power to no greater than his in exchange for equality. He told you this, both of you, from that hospital bed after that idiotic stunt he pulled with the abscess in reality. As…galling as it is to say, he's never treated me any less than any other woman despite not giving me what I've asked for. So when _his_ power failed after being stabbed with a shard of the Key, what do you think happened to _my_ power?"

Anger denied its target, she ground her teeth, "… _Fuck_."

"Tempting," Lily muttered. "Right now, the reason I'm here is I need to speak to you alone. It's…important." Shifting to her ability to be understood mentally, she cut out the other listener, _I'm not able to help him wake up, the Aspects have him…shielded, something. But I think I might still be able to do something he wanted._ Might _be able to._

Kozo, unaware of the silent conference, believed that his subordinate was adhering to the chain of command, "Sub-Commander, you may be dismissed. I doubt our…guest, would be so capricious as to waste our time on nothing."

Misato's brow knit, curiosity and concern joining forces, before she gestured to the door, "After you. We'll use my office. Which is now bug free thanks to you." When she looked to her boss, he shrugged and shook his head, "I'm going to find who did it, sir."

+++++ 15th Angel + 5: Tuesday, November 29th (124)

Lightning pounded the crags and bluffs they needed to skirt, a mixture of snow and rain limiting their visibility further. Shinji felt as if he'd never know warmth again, never be dry again, never be able to walk in a straight line again, "We're…going the right way?" Numbness, more than anything, had dispelled the need to chatter his teeth, "Are you sure?"

"Mmm," Zeruel deferred specificity. He helped the man he was beholden to keep moving, "Standing still does not improve our chances."

A particularly violent thunderbolt tore a gash down a nearby rocky edifice, bringing with it another flash of memory. Staring out at the city, the sky above ringing like an enormous gong. A beautiful, dangerous, being begging him to…. "Lily?" He dropped to his knees, "I…where am I going?" They were headed towards the horizon, towards a bright spot he could see…despite the flashes of light, the driving snow, the pounding rain. "Where…why am I going there?"

+++++ 15th Angel + 5: Tuesday, November 29th (124)

The sharp crack of flesh against flesh rang in her ears, the palm of her hand tingling with the echo of contact. As badly as Misato wanted to, a follow up with a backhand would likely have pushed her luck too far, "This entire time. This _entire_ time you have had the possibility of bringing her back, and you waited until now?" Standing in the chambers, deep below the office level, that held the near-perfect form of Rei Ayanami, she couldn't believe what she'd just heard.

Having turned her head with the slap to prevent one of the women Shinji loved from shattering her hand, Lilith gave the impression that the slap hurt physically, instead of emotionally. Rubbing the spot of contact, and restraining the reflexive anger, she sighed, "I spared everyone from a far worse fate, dear, by stopping her from bonding with Bardiel. What you think of as 'Rei' is, instead, a pale reflection of my glory. Her hopes, her dreams, her desires, all built upon a foundation that is far greater than you would ever have allowed her to be."

The thought of pushing her luck grew stronger, "She is a human!"

"And what is human, hmm?" Clenching her jaw, she held up her hand to silence any answer, "Debating philosophy with you will not get either of us closer to what we want. I am not 'bringing her back'. She will not be the same woman you remember, in total. The piece of my being that was segmented off to create the young woman you knew has now spent a very long time rediscovering its power. _If_ she wants to become distinct, and _if_ she can stop herself from abusing her power, and _if_ she doesn't instantly regret losing what she has gained by rejoining with me…she _might_ be, in part, who you knew."

It was not, as too many men believed to be true when asking her out on dates, that Misato Katsuragi was a 'ditz'. She knew she was brilliant, and for many reasons both good and bad she hid that brilliance. Piecing together from what she'd just heard the deeper truths, her hand began to hurt as she clenched it tight, "She's…." Closing her eyes, she shook her head, "No. She gets to make that decision. Rei is Rei, and I will do whatever I can to help her rediscover herself."

"I'll ask that you remember that," Lily intoned gravely. "Because this will not go as you think it will."

+++++ 15th Angel + 5: Tuesday, November 29th (124)

"What am I doing?" Shinji wobbled free of Zeruel, fighting to stand on his own, "I…I was attacked."

"You were," the many-limbed being continued to avoid pushing the man he now served towards anything.

Flashes of every engagement struck him in sequence, causing his eyes to burn, his teeth to ache. Sachiel exploding. Shamshel crumpling. His body felt alive, and with life came pain. Ramiel's lance drilling into his chest. Gaghiel swamping the ship he stood upon. He'd been lost? How did he lose everything? Israfel's dance. Sandalphon's birth. Maya. Oh, spirits, Maya. Matarael's life essence spilling out before him. Sahaquiel weeping as she realized she'd made an error. He was weak. The weak rely on the strong. Ireul doing what could never be undone. Leliel swallowing him whole. "I can't…." He couldn't afford to be weak. Bardiel invading Unit-00. Zeruel striking at his core. _I will be the reason they die._ His eyes blazed to life. Arael…gifting him clarity, and purpose.

Zeruel's heart, or at least the metaphorical construct of one, relaxed as he witnessed the birth of a being unlike any the universe had ever seen. Racing clear as Shinji swelled into immensity, the once man-sized being growing until he dwarfed the entirety of the world they'd wandered, _Mmm._

"SAHAQUIEL." Shinji's voice _was_. Ignoring existence would have been easier. "WHERE ARE YOU, MY CHILD?"

The Aspect of Sky hurried towards her father, "Coming Daddy! I'm coming!" As enormous as she was, as vast and unbounded her domain, she did not exist as more than an ant to him. Reaching near his face, she stopped her flight, "Oh…oh I was worried, Daddy! Are you ok? Are you hurt?"

Despite the accompanying presence of his voice, his heart remained in his words, "IT IS OF NO MOMENT, MY CHILD. I FEAR THAT YOU AND I HAVE LABORED UNDER A MISUNDERSTANDING. IT IS MY FAULT, DO NOT FRET."

"No, no!" Shaking her hair wildly, she gazed up at him with the immensity of her love, "You can't do anything wrong, Daddy!"

"WERE THAT TRUE, MY DEAREST DAUGHTER." Laughing, a sound similar to that which a star makes as it explodes violently, he smiled with tolerant patience, "I ASK THAT YOU FORGIVE ME FOR WHAT I MUST BURDEN YOU WITH."

Excitement, not fear, grew on her face as she began to understand his intent, "I'll do anything!"

He had allowed those who relied on him to suffer for his humanity. He'd failed them because he'd forgotten what he was capable of. He wasn't strong, he was _strength_ , he was the bond between existences, "PROTECT THEM. WORRY NOT FOR ME, OR MY WILL. YOUR DUTY IS NOW TO SAFEGUARD THE LILIN."

Clapping as joy suffused her being, the task settled around the core of her existence with bands of tender steel, "I will! I promise I will!" She could feel his touch, a caress more intimate than the base nature of the physical, and she raced to hug his cheek with peals of laughter, "Thank you Daddy! Thank you, thank you!"

+++++ 15th Angel + 5: Tuesday, November 29th (124)

Laying on the bench before her, washed clean of the LCL and breathing on her own once more, the bluenette that had been taken from them far too soon slumbered still. "When will she wake up?" Misato had watched as Lilith glowed with a pale grey light, had watched that same light suffuse Rei, and then watched for another five minutes as nothing seemed to happen.

"When she's ready," Lilith was not thrilled. She'd been complete. Whole. Now, she was once more segmented off into multiple forms, each with their own will and desires. Even worse, one of those forms was likely far closer to bedding the man she desired, and it wasn't the conscious one.

Battlefield medicine, while effective at saving lives or buying time for those with actual degrees and credentialed coursework on the matter, gave her enough of an idea that the young woman was 'fine'. Her breathing was steady, her pulse was even, her cheeks were…pale, which only made sense on an albino, "Please…please wake up." She wanted nothing more than to see the confusion on her face as yet another 'human' oddity that defied logic and reason forced its way through her mind. "We've got a nice big house, and lots of friends. It even has soundproofing, so you don't have to listen to my terrible movies at two in the morning."

 _With a dozen and more women vying for the man you'll bed,_ Lilith thought to herself. _Where he'll ignore you for the next pretty thing to walk past. Where he'll_ …. Blinking, the thought dissolving as she realized that she was conflating Adam and Shinji, Lilith tried to restrain the panic that was building inside of her, "I…need to sit down."

+++++ 15th Angel + 5: Tuesday, November 29th (124)

With several important tasks set forth, the Aspects receiving them overjoyed to be given purpose once again, Shinji turned his gaze upon the sole non-Aspect in his presence, "KYOKO…." Great eyes closed slowly, and he changed how he spoke, _My apologies. I cannot gift to you what I've given to them, at least not in the way I have given it._

"Could you maybe 'gift to me' understanding of what you're doing?" The raven-haired scientist had been concerned as Aspects came and went, "Ireul-chan told me that what Zeruel-kun was doing was 'necessary', and now that you're able to talk to me again I can't find her."

Casting his awareness about, he found that Ireul was near Arael and Leliel, _She is speaking with her sisters. She is safe._ Considering the answer to her question, and how he could phrase it so that it would make sense, he lifted one hand beneath her for her to rest upon and brought her up to his eyes, _I am preventing my weakness from destroying their lives._ Watching her stride confidently towards him, he pondered why she would walk when she could fly, _I will not be the reason they die. I would not wish for them to join you in the unending twilight._

"Kind of enjoying the 'twilight', the sex is phenomenal." With a scowl that was partly due to her own frustrations at having been useless in the fight, and partly because the man she'd begun to love over the past several years had changed suddenly for what she considered the worse, she tapped her foot, "Are you talking about self-reflection and learning patience? I'll admit that I'm not positive you took appropriate safeguards when you made this last effort at healing Haraldson-san, but I don't know that I'd call it 'weakness'. Maybe youthful enthusiasm at worst."

 _It nearly killed six people,_ confusion creeped into his tone. _None of which would have been at risk, had I not allowed my frustrations to overwhelm me._

Rolling her eyes, a move quite similar to that which her daughter was fond of, she scoffed, "Please. 'Frustrated' is a good synonym for young men. Competing emotional impulses, conflicting physiological signals, learning how to exist in a world where the social rules are designed to be patently unfair in ways that prevent them from expressing who and what they are? In any other young man I'd be shocked they handled it as well as you have. You're the one male that's being hunted by terrors from beyond the stars, looking for any and every low point in your life to try and kill you."

 _Which is why I cannot continue to allow what has been,_ he said, believing her in agreement.

She planted her hands on her hips and tilted forward, "Except 'weakness' will happen whether you want it to or not. Whatever else you are, Shinji, you're still human. Humans have moments where they're weak. Healthy humans share those moments with others, and let those they trust help them through it. Unhealthy humans either handle it alone or push their burdens off onto other people without speaking to them first."

Hesitation joined confusion, _I…the Aspects are who I am, though. They are a part of me._ Unaware, he began to shrink.

Her eyebrow raised, "So you're handling it alone?"

He was already three quarters of the size he had been, _No. They are distinct beings, with their own thoughts and needs. I'm simply giving them tasks that they can perform to stop me from-_

The other eyebrow joined its partner, "So you're pushing your burdens off onto them, without talking to them about it?"

At far less than half of his size and shrinking faster, he shook his head, _N-no, I'm…they're…._

"You are more than human, you lump," sitting down with one leg dangling on either side of his wrist, her rump in the palm of his hand, she smiled with patient understanding now that he was making progress again. "But you need to stop trying to be _everything_. Could you have done more to set up protections against your emotions running away with you? Yes. Should the people you love have done more to prepare you to deal with the depth of emotion you're capable of? _Yes._ While you are responsible for your actions, the people who ostensibly act in the capacity of leadership over you have a responsibility to make certain you're ready to act appropriately. What you're going through? It hasn't been well handled."

Stopping at little more than three times greater than his normal stature, he looked lost, "I'm…I…I almost…."

With a push off his fingers, she slid down his arm to hold him close, "I know, Mausbärchen, I know. I was terrified too. I couldn't project myself out, I couldn't beg Nozomi-chan to call for help, I couldn't do anything but sit and watch in silent terror as Maya choked to death." When his arms shifted to hug her tight, she smiled with relief, "I would have wept with you, I promise. But she's _alive_. She's alive and she'd be _furious_ to hear that you nearly abandoned your humanity in fear of losing her."

A new voice joined the conversation, "I believe we've discussed 'balance', my love. Perhaps, however, I might have done a better job of showing you what that balance should look like. I am, after all, 'distinct' from you." Ireul's lone eye glowed with regret as she joined the embrace, "My dear sister, here, handled the beginnings of that conversation better than I would have I think."

Sitting into a chair that created itself at his need, the nascent divine being set the one example of Lilin beauty, and the one example of Adamite beauty, on a knee each, "What happened?" His heart was calming, the peace that Kyoko offered him working in tandem with Ireul's removal of his terror, "I…I can't remember what happened that I came here."

+++++ Author's Notes:

JaceSterne:

RE: Philip.

He's a strong man. Not necessarily a _good_ man, but a strong one.

RE: Judge.

Maybe. Then again….

SaintAscalon: RE: The End.

I keep thinking how close those words are to appearing on the page. Then I remember how far away they are. I've written much further than I've posted, I have over 130k words in the buffer right now that I'm still massaging. This is going to feel super awkward when I'm not working on it anymore, let me tell you.

origamishishou:

RE: Planning.

Yeah, I've had the character arcs plotted out since I introduced them. It was my penance for including so many original characters. The only character that I've had problems with is Asuka, but that's because keeping her 'in character' is extremely challenging at times. I've found that doing that helps me call back to older plot points, which seems to amuse my audience. The best part is, I'm pretty sure I've just managed to surprise a number of people with what's been revealed this chapter.

RE: Sleep.

Get you some.


	138. Chapter 138

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"Steady, steady," Misato helped the elder being onto a nearby stool. "Are you ok? Bad…well, I can't imagine that there's a 'good' reaction to having part of your soul removed. Stupid question, I guess."

Lily shook her head, "No…no, it's Shinji." She could feel him in ways that she couldn't explain in words, could feel his ties to her quivering. What terrified her most, was she didn't know if they were growing stronger…or breaking apart.

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"Gaghiel-kun," Ritsuko borrowed Maya's preferred mode of address, "we need to keep potential infection vectors low for right now. Moving her into his room would not be the best way to stop her from developing a lifelong ailment. She can see him, when she wakes up, right through that wall."

The aquatic Aspect, currently curled up next to his favorite Lilin's head, sighed, _I would really rather the bed be moved by you, ma'am. Because I'm not certain I can convince her not to be not-polite much longer._ Gesturing with a fin, he pointed to where Sahaquiel was sitting inside of Shinji's hospital room, tracing the outline of the shatterproof glass wall the way a martial artist traced the contours of a board they were to break. _She's still a little young. You know how children can be._

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"Blaming him for finding a woman attractive is, without question, one of the _dumbest_ things I have seen any of you do." Leliel tapped her foot, glaring at both Yang and Hikari, "So he thinks this lady's attractive? So he wants to help her have a better life? I mean, duh? If, and believe me when I say that's still an 'if', he decides that he wants to bring her closer to him…do either of you _really_ feel like you should tell him 'No'?"

Hikari calmly stood, facing the eldritch being without fear, "Is that why he's still unconscious? Because he is afraid we will tell him Idunn-san cannot be a part of our lives?"

With an eyeroll that would have done Kyoko proud, the petulant Aspect of Night scoffed, "That's not who I'm talking about."

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 _My apologies, Weapon,_ Ramiel shimmered into view of Suzuka, finding her sitting on a rock overlooking the city. _I understand you desire meditation, to reflect on how you might perform better in your next encounter, but the Great One will be waking soon. I believed you might wish to prepare yourself to speak with him._

In reality, the willowy swordswoman had been doing nothing of the sort. With her tears spent, she had instead been contemplating how true the words her friends had spoken were. She would be a mother. She would have two precious lives that relied on her for everything. No more would it be someone receiving protection because they had paid her, or because she had a debt of honor, or because she loved how they held her close…. Her daughters would receive her protection because if they died…her world would end. "I…believe I understand him better, Ramiel-kun. His life," she paused, searching for the right way to phrase how she felt.

The octahedron did not need to hear the words from her lips, the music of her soul spoke far louder, _Is a far better place, with a woman by his side who understands that no sacrifice is too great if it means those who rely on them may yet live free_. Dropping lower, so that he floated close enough to whisper, he crackled with eager thunder, _Let us join our strengths, so that none may threaten those beneath his hand ever again._

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"She eschews his protection," Bardiel shrugged, her tendrils weaving an intricate braid out of Akane's hair. "She has been led to freedom, shown the light, and yet chooses to wear the blindfold? Let her." Tying off the symbolic cording with a ceremonial knot of impossibly expensive silk, she worked on the next segment, "There will be others. Others who might appreciate him more, provide more, _be_ more."

Mikoto, having made up with her best friend, sighed in frustration, "That's part of the problem, though. Shin-tan loves her. He'll be heartbroken when she leaves."

"I don't think he will," Akane's eyes remained on the door, her thoughts flowing freer now that the anger she'd felt at her own inability to protect the man she loved had begun to subside. "When he says he wants people to have the freedom to choose…he doesn't mean 'the freedom to choose my way'. He means _freedom_. If it's meant to be…she knows where we are." Reaching over and taking her best friend's hand, she squeezed in the manner they did when they silently asked forgiveness, "We'll be around forever. A few more years, a decade, he'll love her all the same. She might not even need to 'fill a role', other than 'wife'."

The Aspect of Fog, of Haze, smiled happily as she heard the two women's songs soothe. "He'll be waking up soon. Shall we go show him how beautiful your hair is now?"

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Shamshel, misunderstanding Kelly's frantic motions, tilted their head slightly and gestured with a tendril towards the pair of representatives from the Catholic Church, _They. Peaceful. Not. Harm/Injure._

The redheaded Irishwoman knew, in her soul, that the situation could be repaired. Somehow. That the gently glowing being appearing beside her, seeking to inform her that Shinji would soon awaken, could be shown to be some form of hallucination. That she hadn't just been present for the mistake of a lifetime…a very, very long lifetime. With an urgent whisper that she prayed to any god that might hear her didn't go further than the Aspect before her, she begged, "Shamshel, please, _they're not supposed to see you!_ "

Israfel Alpha tittered, "Dear Shamshel is only trying to help, Poet."

"Our wonderful sibling worries so, fretting that Their Excellencies would feel it rude for you to leave," Israfel Beta added, lightly rubbing both of the men's backs.

" _Israfel!_ " For the first time she could recall, Kelly Chambers, soon hopefully to be Ikari, was at a loss. Looking between the three beings that she could neither order about, nor reason with, she turned instead to the two humans and pasted a defeated grin on, "Your Excellencies…it seems that my presence is requested elsewhere."

The elder of the two men, awe and wonder radiating from him, asked in a voice that showed his fear of giving offense, "You…you're His Messengers?"

The question, inaptly phrased, allowed for Shamshel to respond with pride, _Yes._

Israfel Alpha and Beta, more inclined to whimsy, giggled simultaneously, "We are proud to speak for Him. Though He may be displeased if we don't hurry The Poet to His side. She pleases Him just by being near, it's adorable."

"You must go, my child," the man insisted, facing Kelly once more. "Let nothing delay you. We shall agree to any and all terms needed to convince Him to meet with Cardinal Brahe. Please, assure His, erm," remembering at the last second his own instructions, he changed the mode of address, "His Grace that we offer any assistance we can provide."

 _He's going to kill me,_ Kelly groaned mentally.

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Nicolette, having stumbled across Kodama around the hospital area of the base, had been sharing a pack of candies from one of the vending machines while grumbling to and being grumbled at regarding the unfairness of life. "I…I just thought I'd have all the time I needed. A half a year, maybe a year, find what I wanted to do. But no. I have until _tomorrow_."

The nurse had given the woman the wheel, and Kodama reached over and rubbed her housemate's neck, "I'm just glad you're not leaving. He's going to be hurt enough by everyone else leaving before he can help them."

"Not me," glaring at a spot ahead of them fiercely, the blonde dancer declared her intentions firmly, "I promised myself when I was ten that I would marry _once_. That I would get it right. Our man may make foolish decisions, but he makes them because he wants to do _something_ rather than sit around and whimper that nobody else is doing _anything_."

"It might help us, however, if he made foolish decisions while including our input," Kodama added with a half-grin. "We're going to have a time of it, settling everyone down. I'm gonna lean on you pretty hard, keeping the little ones from flying apart. They love you to bits…which means a lot to me."

Nicolette's smile was immediate, "Oh, they're beautiful little women. Curious and energetic. Giving and caring. It's easy to care about them."

 _Which is why, I would presume, the Great One trusts you with their care,_ Sandalphon considered the two women with a critical eye. _Perhaps, though please do not take this to be more than I intend it to be, you might utilize your skills in the Performing Arts and instruct the young to show the world what they might become? The ability to stand upon the stage without fear, to sing or dance with all of your heart, it serves our dear sisters Israfel well._

Matarael, perched nearby, dry-washed his hands, _It would protect them against others misusing that talent. If one knows the magician's tricks, the sleight of hand, they can protect against it._

"That's actually pretty good advice," Kodama agreed. "But if you're out here…?"

 _He will be waking soon. Arael has asked that as many as can be present, be so._ Sandalphon drifted up, alighting on Nicolette's shoulder, _We have some time, as things go. I heard your lament, and thought to offer advice. If it was unwelcome, I do apologize._

The Aspect of Rain perched on Kodama's head, _The Healer's path is far less complex. She enjoys her duty, finds meaning and purpose in its exercise. Though, with injuries common in any dance training, one might hope that you both learn to work closely together._

Nicki threw away the wrapper, a thoughtful mien leading to an equally thoughtful declaration, "Protect their minds, give them confidence…. Teach them not to put up with shit from charismatic assholes." Looking to her potential partner, she shrugged, "He has a point."

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"So…." Shinji looked between the two women, and Zeruel, "My doubts are…degrading the bond?"

"The strength of any bond is weakened when one side or the other wavers," the Aspect of Strength agreed. "You began to doubt their place in your world. This created disharmony. That disharmony grew darker as you blanked out the pain. Your power grows with your confidence in your path. The bright spot on the horizon? We never grew closer, no matter how far you walked, because you refused to take confidence in us, in them, or in yourself."

Ireul soothed her hand along his arm, "You then overcompensated. For that brief moment, you were what we all expected you to be, before meeting you. A presence without physical peer, without doubts or fears."

"The problem is, that 'presence' is an asshole," Kyoko refused to spare the truth. "Your humanity is too important a part of why we all love you, and your Angelic nature is too necessary a part of your ability to care for the other half of your family. You want to be one or the other, but that's not who _you_ are anymore."

With a faraway gaze, he thought back to how it felt to be that giant, "I wasn't being an ass…. I can kind of remember what I was intending to do." Refocusing his eyes on those before him, he shook his head, "If I'm not around to be hurt, then those that can hurt me aren't around to hurt people who can't defend themselves. I was going to spend the rest of my life on the moon, alone."

The raven-haired half-German tilted her head slightly with a raised eyebrow, "How, exactly, were you going to go anywhere without _me_?"

"I'm not sure," he replied simply. "I had a plan. Can't…really remember it. It made sense, though."

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The world was…irritating. Not in the sense that it was aggravating, nor in the sense that it chafed. It was a productive irritation. The type of irritation that produced more than the effort put into the act. Aggravation was found by the noise nearby, however, and it chafed at the ear.

"I understand he wants us there." Misato Katsuragi. "He's going to want this more. I'm not going to up and abandon what we're doing just because he's chosen _now_ to wake up. He'll understand."

 _This is not what we said._ An unknown presence. The stomp of a small foot, the rustle of feathers. _He will need you there. Take the slumbering hybrid, but be in motion._

"Child, I will not be ordered about by-" The Mother.

The unknown entity spoke again, _Be in motion, or I will direct Sachiel to impel you towards your destination. By foot or by flood, make your choice._

"We are going to have a discussion once this is over," Misato's voice carried the promise of fire. "I will not put up with-"

"I…." The single sound required far more effort than it ought to have, though it served to silence the room. Working her tongue slightly, she attempted again, "I cannot…."

 _Your doctors are with him. If she is ill, her best chance at recovery is there. Will you_ now _make the rational decision?_ There was a clacking sound as the entity approached, _You are unusual, young one. It shall be interesting to see how you fit in to the puzzle._

Reverting to the mental communication she remembered possible, Rei brought up a point to the creature that spoke in her soul, _I cannot see anything. This will make puzzles slightly more difficult, as I understand them to be typically visual in nature._

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 _Chemistry_ , Ritsuko thought back to the way in which Maya had described the household, _was never my best subject._ The room was filled near to capacity with women and Aspects. The more esoteric beings working overtime to smooth out the divisions that had been carved out of the unity they'd held the day prior, the humans making those divisions all the clearer. There was a fault line between two camps, the members of which seemed to make for odd bedfellows. Kodama, siding with Yang over her sister. Nicolette siding with Kelly over the Agents. Tsuru, who'd arrived late to the spontaneous gathering, seemed to be glowering at Suzuka…specifically at the point containing the children.

The door opening, again, drew everyone's eyes as it admitted first Lilith, then Sachiel. The gasp flowed through the room, regardless of 'side' taken, as Misato carried an animated Rei Ayanami huddled in her very expensive leather jacket. The Sub-Commander heading straight for both doctors, "She can't see. She's having a hard time speaking. I'm pretty sure we've cleared out as much of the LCL as we could. Make it better."

Amy looked to the Lilin doctor, not wanting to step on toes, only to receive a look in return that asked silently what might be in play. Both women took stock of the situation and gestured to the bed with Shinji, despite having the larger being it provided the most amount of space to work, "Put her there. Turn down the lights."

Her mind given a new problem, one that she'd been unable to resolve on her own, Ritsuko found herself caring less and less about 'credit' and more and more about 'making it right'. After using a red-tinted penlight and finding no pupillary response at all, she mentally grimaced, "Rei, I'm going to be putting my fingers in your hand. I need you to squeeze for me, ok?" The bluenette nodded, the gesture seeming to take a great deal out of her to accomplish. After the merest hint of pressure, the doctor frowned, "A little harder?" When Rei's arm shook with the effort, she cursed mentally, "Ok, ok, stop. Doctor Amethyst, what do you have to offer as far as nutrition goes? She has a modified S-two, is pretty similar to Shinji. Some variances in her genetic structure, more Angel and less human."

"I will need labs done," Amy deferred quickly. "Anything I try, blind, risks hurting her. I see where you're going, though, and can at least offer some of our fluids. I know they won't harm Lilin, and it is better than what you have."

She nodded, thinking through her options and finding nothing better, she motioned the alien doctor off to her ship, "Ok…ok, Rei I'm going to set up an I.V. line. Is that ok?"

The response could not make it past her lips, "…Y…ye…."

"Ok, blink once for yes, two times for no," back to basics. "Can I start an I.V.?" One blink. "Great. Kodama, get gloved up, let's get a butterfly in her right arm here, away from Shinji." Moving clear to allow the nurse to ply her trade, she turned back to gather more information from the women that brought her newest patient, "I don't care why, I want to know how. Whatever happened, it didn't trigger any of the MAGI alarms I set, and she's clearly suffering from some sort of reaction. I need details, not accusations."

Lily, who'd found a seat nearby to continue trying to keep herself from toppling over as Shinji's body radiated out energy she couldn't make heads or tails of, offered a terse, "I returned what I took…more or less."

Emerald eyes widened, "Soul transference without…."

"She brought the idea to me," Misato defended herself. "Explained what happened, and asked me to help her. You were busy here, and-"

"I said I don't care," Ritsuko snapped. "I doubt I could have done anything to stop this anyway. Ok. Ok, ok. There's a disconnect between…." Turning back to her patient, she trailed off and moved back to the bed, approving of the work done and the manner in which the nurse was soothing the patient, "Thanks, Kodama. You have a lighter touch than I do, and I'm sure she appreciates that."

A blink of surprise, then eyes narrowed in doubt, Kodama nearly retorted before seeming to realize that the compliment was genuine, "Just…practice more often, I guess."

"Would you mind getting a few labs drawn? We can throw them in the pneumatic to head to the labs, I'll write up the orders. One green, two dark blue, a light blue, a lavender, and three gold. We're looking to rule things out, trying to determine the source of the blindness and lethargy." Moving around the bed to the MAGI terminal built in the wall, she kept up the conversation to distract the room from descending back into anarchy, "You've been through school more recently than I have, ideas?"

With a purpose once more, she pushed past whatever had nearly caused the flare of anger, "Most causes of blindness without obvious physical trauma are bacterial or other infections. She was in LCL, so we might want to have that checked for contagions."

"Excellent idea," closing and signing the orders for labs, she connected to the private labs where what she'd believed to be the 'corpse' of Rei Ayanami had been kept and tasked the MAGI with running a diagnostic on the tank. "While that's moving, we-"

"-middle of a trial! I can't just…." Rose's voice trailed off, all eyes on her in the darkened room, "Or…I guess I can. _Doctor_?"

Amy shrugged, "Th' pretty bird asked me ta bring ya, I brought ya. Th' trial can wait."

"I hope you have faith in your security forces," Eve emerged from a shower of rose petals, the blossoms disappearing as they touched the floor. "My daughter tells me that my presence is required." A hard stare hit Arael as she perched on the shoulder of the man she loved, "The room is rather crowded, dear. If this is for a funeral, I'm afraid I wasted a trip. I'll need to head back and murder your brother before long."

 _Rather the opposite,_ the White Raven snorted.

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"So…I need to decide, for both issues…." Laughing dryly, he let his head hang, "Ironic."

Zeruel was not the type of being to remain callous in the face of suffering, though he was hardened enough to allow what was necessary for learning, "You must choose your path, my friend. Only then, we believe, will you set aside your doubts and act with purpose. Creation is not unkind. Nor, however, is it infallible. Will you move towards its dictates? Will you host those it provides to you? Will you choose your path, or have it be chosen by those Creation does not call?"

"Or are we saying damn the gods and ramming speed?" Kyoko held his hand tightly, aware that of the many paths before them, most did not include her. "I won't say I don't have a preference…but I will say that it's your life."

Ireul, holding his opposing hand and tracing his palm, smiled wistfully, "Whatever comes, what has been was enjoyable."

With both hands occupied by women he once would have known in his bones were so far beyond him as to be the stars in the sky, Shinji was surprised at how simple the choice honestly was. There was a purity, though still elegance, in that simplicity. All of the fussing, the worrying, the doubts and dreams…. "So much time wasted," he snorted. "Before…. Before we do this, can I ask for something?"

Zeruel was the first to respond, "If it is within my power, my friend."

"I am yours, my love," Ireul added quietly.

Kyoko tapped his wrist, "I still want his head."

Shinji felt his own warmth as he smiled at the responses, "Don't…don't stop it from hurting." Tears built in the corners of his eyes, "I love them too much to not let it hurt."

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He could feel the world around him come into focus. Even with his eyes shut, the smells, the air thick with tension and anger, the sounds of raised voices and fear described the scene with perfect clarity. The world he'd left in chaos had stayed chaotic. Those Aspects he'd dispatched to find his family had done what they could to bring everyone that had either a direct tie, or a blatant request for the same, to his presence. They had not, as he requested, done anything more than keep the physical peace. The fractious group was becoming louder with each raised voice as one or another was declaring something that had been managed 'wrong'. What he felt now, was what Zeruel had told him he would feel. The withering bonds without the balance he provided. This was the cost of his haste to be everything to everyone. The toll he paid because he could not abide suffering. Because he would not retreat, regroup, and try again.

The world, however, was not without its surprises. A song he'd not heard in far too long, a being he'd not touched since her death, now rested in the crook of his arm wearing a hospital gown, Misato's jacket near her. Narrowly focusing his mental voice to the woman he knew responsible, he made a promise, _We'll talk, after. The three of us…ok?_

Lily's reply was laden with fatigue, _After a nap…. Can you get this over with? I'm about to start depopulating the room._

In a booming voice that he amplified with Ramiel's thunder, he roared in order to be heard over the yelling, "DO YOU NORMALLY SHOUT IN HOSPITAL ROOMS?!" The feel of Rei jolting with fright at the sudden boom stung him, but he had one chance to do what he was about to do correctly and he needed to control the room before he could be about it. Opening his eyes, he saw shock, anxiety, worry. He saw pain, sorrow, and regret. Slowly shifting himself so that he sat up, still cradling the albino bluenette to his body, he deliberately panned his eyes across everyone's faces. "This," he began, "this is my family."

Hikari reached forward, "Shin-"

"Stop," holding up his free hand without looking at her, he kept his attention moving amongst everyone equally. "Asuka told me, once, that I was the only thing keeping any three of you in the same social circle. That I was the only reason most of you even knew each other existed. Like most things she said…she was far closer to correct than not." He couldn't linger on any of them. If he lingered, he'd falter. If he faltered, he'd fail. "All of you were forced to be with me." He felt, rather than saw, Kodama open her mouth to protest and shifted his hand to her, "Stop. _All_ of you. We have…before us now," his heart began to ache, "an opportunity."

Kyoko materialized on his shoulder, her fingers idly fidgeting with his hair and her legs quickly clasped around his arm. Ireul appeared at his knee, a guard dog simply awaiting the first to make an _extremely_ stupid decision. Neither woman said a word, and both made it clear that nothing positive would come from interrupting the man speaking again.

Swallowing a few times to keep the tears back, he lost a great deal of the power behind his voice as he proceeded, "Zeruel…is certain that if I…change…." Ireul's hand squeezed his knee just as Kyoko's legs flexed slightly, both women giving him the courage they could, "If I change our bonds, the ties between us, you would be free to pursue your own lives. Creation's requirements would likely remain met, and you would retain your immortality. I would feel everything you did, but you…would not feel what I must do. The…uhm…the way you are, when I'm not here to balance everyone…." His eyes dropped to his lap, "That's who you'd be."

It was clear to everyone listening, that he'd not yet given up the floor. To a woman, however, they boggled at what they'd just heard. Each of them had, in less than one full day, discovered that there was more to the bond than just a simple link to 'their man'. As it weakened, what they now knew had happened, there was a different woman lurking behind the joys of living with unending love. A woman who did not receive that love. Who did not have the crutch of 'infinite forgiveness' to lean upon. Who looked back on the world they'd left behind when they joined with Shinji and felt fear, or anger at themselves.

"You'd be _free_." To him, the word held a magic that came through in his enunciation of it. A mystical property that defied clear descriptions or definitions. "I…uhm, I spent some time with Zeruel…. Walking through my mind, my soul…learning how I've failed. If you stay…." His hesitation brought another comforting touch, invisible, but warm and true. "If you stay…there will be changes. I…I can't live like we were. The doubt, the uncertainty, the fear…it was poisoning everything I did. All of you _must_ understand, I love you more than I could ever express. Even you, Eve…even you, Lily. But I cannot be what I am, what I must become, doubting that love. Uncertain of what that love might mean, when the changes that will come, come. The fear of what you will think if I bring a woman into my life that one of you doesn't approve of." He choked, "The…agony that will be you with…with someone else."

Hikari looked down to her hands, fingers interlocked and squeezing tight. She knew she'd created this mess, and her song screamed in rage that she wasn't able to repair it. The world she'd had at her fingertips, four months past, was now imploding under the weight of a good man's heart.

He continued on with a voice nearly devoid of emotion, "I am not human. I am not Lilin. I am not Adamite. I…am unique in all of Creation. My road will be filled with pain. There will be times where I cannot be by your side, where I must be somewhere else. Every one of you must understand what that means. I will be _gone_. I will be doing what I believe to be necessary, or best. I will listen to the best advice possible, when available…but I will not always have that advice available. I will face death. I _will_ die. If you choose to leave, I pray we can still at least be friends. If you choose to stay, the bond will only ever be as strong as you are…in your devotion to us…to our family."

A long moment of silence followed, each woman pondering what he might have meant. Many of them realized that he was not wrong in the slightest, battle lines had formed, people fighting with one another over things that a healthy family would eventually begin to work through. Others had wondered at what he meant, as they neither saw nor felt a real change to speak of. In the end, a feminine, if gravelly, voice carried from the nearby bed, "I'm married to you, you cloth-eared nonce. If you break my bond, I'll break your knee."

Untangling his left arm from Kyoko's legs, Shinji reached over and gently took his wife's hand, "If I broke your bond, it'd shatter my heart."

Fighting to open her eyes, she turned and smiled, brightening up the room, "Oh…I dreamt Rei-chan was back. That's grape." Her mouth drooped to a frown, "Great. Crabapples." The spell he'd cast broken, the order of silence dispelled, the answers began flooding in.

"I am not taking my ring off," Yang declared.

Tsuru wouldn't look at him, tears flowing quietly down her cheeks, "Nor am I."

"I signed the papers for life," Kodama shrugged. "I'm only signing that form the once."

Rose waved off the question, "My bond doesn't work like that, I'm staying where I am."

"I…kinda jumped th' line?" Amy dry-washed her hands, "But I'm not givin' it back."

He could see how Mikoto was hurting for him, "Shin-tan loves Miki-chan. Miki-chan won't leave Shin-tan."

"You and I will talk later about keeping your guard up around knives," Akane sighed. "I swear, leave you alone for a second."

Nicolette scrubbed at her eyes, " _I_ swear, he was going to tell us all to get bent. I introduce _one man_ to my mother…."

"I'm almost positive I just got permission to have a Catholic Mass," Kelly anxiously worked the papers she'd brought from her meeting into a tight roll, "I'm staying."

Ritsuko's hands were white-knuckle on the guardrail, "You're never getting rid of me. _Never_."

"We need to talk, but I'm not going anywhere," Misato dismissed the idea.

Suzuka, who'd remained placid throughout, simply stated, "My husband knows my answer."

"This is my fault." Those four words brought all eyes to Hikari, who remained focused on Shinji's, "I…I should have done more." Walking up to where she could duck beneath her spouses' combined hands, she stood at their shoulders to face everyone else, "Creation or no, I should have acted when all of this began. I should have spoken when he had doubts. I should have worked harder to bridge everyone in his absence." Gripping Maya's and Shinji's hands with both of hers, she declared, "I failed _us_. In his absence, during those times he must be gone, I will act in his stead. We all have our roles, and I have not been fulfilling mine. I have been luxuriating in the love of our household, I have not been tending the gardens of that love as I ought to, as First." While she could not see the glow, in the dim light of the room everyone else could. A halo of silvery light radiating from her like foxfire, "I am The Princess, and where he resides will forever be _my_ castle. If you stay…bring your problems to _me._ Let me keep everyone steady."

Tsuru blinked in disbelief, "Did…did she just glow?"

Eve shrugged, "Creation rewards those who act in its interests, the greater the act…the greater the reward." Gesturing to Shinji, she looked around the room, "If all of you would accept your Roles, embrace what is staring you in the face as genuine, believe me," the hand shifted to Hikari, who was staring in bewilderment at a spot on the floor, "you'd feel like she does right now." Facing Shinji with a wan smile, she spoke the absolute truth, "I ache at being apart from you, my master. My place, for now, is stopping my son's mischief. The day my last daughter falls at your hand, I will return to show you my heart."

"…I…." Rei dry-swallowed, trying to speak, "…I…."

 _Steady, dear,_ Lily's voice carried fatigue. _We're still figuring out what's wrong with the physical shell._

Rei, believing her reply would only carry to Lily, spoke with frustration, _He has asked that an affirmation of desire be spoken. This was what I could not bring myself to respond to the second time, what was stolen from me the first. I will not lose my opportunity this third time!_ "…I…w…wan…."

 _Shh, shh,_ Shinji gently squeezed her hand, _I can hear you, Rei. Please tell me you can hear me?_

Her body stiffened against his, _…Oh_.

"Wait," Misato frowned, "how can we hear her, if she's not tied to his soul? Isn't that how the mind thing works?" She looked to who she believed to be the subject matter expert, "How am I hearing her?"

"I told you there would be changes," Lily drawled. "I know that I have a reputation as someone with a penchant for speaking in riddles, but I was _fairly_ clear when I said that." Turning back to Shinji and Rei, her face turned grim, "There's a problem, though, and it's not one that I'm eager to be accused of setting up. So here's the unvarnished truth: I am her, she is me. Her memories, her thoughts, everything that was in her brain before she was exposed to Bardiel's Angelic Surgery Suite, that's all there. Her memories of the _first_ Rei, the one who was murdered by Doctor Aka…Doctor _Naoko_ Akagi," she glanced at Ritsuko, "my apologies dear, clarity. Regardless, those memories are now present as well. To show that I was honest in…in wishing to change how I act, I gave both versions of Rei Ayanami to this body. I am that much weaker, that much more of a liability against a fully awakened Angel."

"If I bond her, I bond you," Shinji finished for the elder being. "…It would have been true regardless. She's a piece of your soul given flesh. A part of you with a distinct mind." Blowing out a sigh, he asked the question that needed asking, "Why?"

"I…uhm," Tsuru raised her hand, "I might have encouraged her to try and heal Rei-chan." Smiling weakly, she took ownership of something she'd wrought in ignorance, "I…didn't know about the whole soul thing, or the two, three? The multiple lives. I just thought that if she, Lily I mean, was looking for something you'd truly like, that maybe she could bring back our friend."

"Long story," Lily cut off several people who were about to ask for even more information. "We'll all have time later to catch up on who did what while Lover took a nap. For right now, I wanted that out there before he impulsively bonded Rei and dragged me along, pissing everyone off and making them think I was-" Impacted from the side by a huge hug, Lily found herself lifted from the stool she was sitting upon and clutched tightly to Kodama's chest, "Gah!"

"Thank you," the busty nurse cheered. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" Turning back to everyone, swinging the Mother of Night like a rag doll, her naturally buoyant personality was infectious, "She's back, guys! We have Rei-chan back!"

As the room broke out into cheers of joy, the reality of that fact truly settling in with the young woman's mental cry of need, Shinji narrowly focused his thoughts to himself, Maya, and Hikari, _I am sorry, Maya. There is nothing I could ever do or say to express how sorry I am that you-_

 _Shh, shh, shh,_ Maya squeezed tighter. _No, Pup. Stop. We can't ask you to go without proper counseling, without proper tools to handle your emotions and frustrations, and then ask you to act like a completely rational being. Before my…._ She shuddered, _That's going to be a memory._ Feeling him tense, she pulsed her grip, _Stop, stop. If we had managed to get you to a licensed therapist, none of this happens. I am as much to blame for that not happening as anyone, and I_ will not _accept you beating yourself up over this. I love you so much that the last thing I remember thinking before blacking out was that I had a mean thought about you needing my help. I was so upset at myself for my last thought of you not being how much I love you, Shinji. What you just spoke to us about is what has needed to happen. We all need to get over ourselves, get on board with building a family, or get the fig tree out. Our glowing goddess here has the right idea. I don't know how, Shinji, but if I am your Advisor then I need to start acting like it. I need to trust that you'll be strong enough to act on your own, with what you believe is best, and to give you what advice I can with what I know. It's a balancing act, and I've been sitting too far down the 'don't say it' side of the beam. I am The Advisor, and my duty is to speak my mind._

Watching his second love glow a pinkish hue, much the same as Hikari's brilliant silver, Shinji fought against the instinctive protest. They were choosing. He'd told them the possible answers, and they made their own decisions from there.

 _She is_ gorgeous _, isn't she?_ Hikari's voice carried boundless affection in it, _How did we get so lucky, my love?_

Reminding himself to stop focusing on the negative, he took a slow breath, "I don't know, Light. I really don't."

+++++ 15th Angel + 5: Tuesday, November 29th (124)

"I was ready to," Shinji admitted quietly, the room much more temperate an hour or so after the chaos following Kodama's cheering. Surrounded by several of the ladies he loved, the others moving about the area and city as necessary, he admitted the painful truth, "Zeruel's Aspect is Strength, but strength comes in many forms. His…being, the core truth of his power is the strength that holds things together. It's easily translated into the opposite, and can just as quickly divide everything. If, in that brief moment of freedom my stasis granted you, you wanted to be free I'd have done it." He slowly shook his head, "Never again. I meant what I said, in that I can't live like that. The doubts, the…fear, it's poison. Living every moment like you're worthless, it's contagious. You begin to believe it, you don't reach for the help that's stretching out to you, begging you to grasp it and hold on. I won't let myself do it anymore. Zeruel, Ireul, and Kyoko have agreed to bludgeon me with that."

Leliel, standing behind and hugging Akane, smirked, "Daddy's smart like that. He knows that a strong man listens to advice from those he respects."

"So," Yang had been gently massaging Rei's calves, plying the same tricks her father had taught her for after serious injuries, "when will we have word on Rei-chan's tests?"

Kodama checked her tablet quickly, "Still nothing. The labs are having to do a lot of work on the samples, and we're not able to test for what we're not sure is there. We can test for things that might cause problems, heavy metal poisoning, radiation poisoning, but if it's bacterial or viral we'll need to wait for the cultures to come back and that's not quick."

"It's going to be wonderful to have you back at the Manor, Rei-chan," Tsuru had chosen a place directly by the bluenette's head, and was gently stroking her arm in a similar manner to Yang's work on her leg. "Or…well, I guess we really should ask if you want to come live with us all."

 _That would be pleasant._ Slightly overwhelmed by the amount of physical affection she was receiving, she still reached up with a trembling hand to reassure herself that Shinji was there, _I am…going to admit something…unpleasant._

"If you want to, Blue," Akane patted the end of the bed. "Don't push yourself, because we don't intend to let you go again. We've got time."

 _It is necessary._ Swallowing, the liquid provided by Amy doing its job in accelerating healing, she lowered her voice despite her inability to speak aloud, _I…am a product of genetic manipulation. My progenitors are Lilith…._

"And my mother," Shinji finished for her. "Most of the base DNA is from Lilith's form. She's more 'Angel' than 'Lilin', much like I'm one half Lilin, and one half Adamite. Ultimately, as important as it is to know where we come from it is less important than what we choose to do with that knowledge."

Yang tilted her head in confusion, "Wait, so you two are related?"

"No more so than some other married couples I know of," Kodama answered meaningfully.

"Whoa, time out," the leggy waitress waved her hands in a warding gesture, "not judging. I'm just trying to understand what has Rei-chan so upset. You know I don't care."

"Meh," Akane shrugged. "I've seen dumber, weirder, and worse. With all of the genetic nonsense happening in Shinji, I doubt it's going to matter a great deal that she's partially related come baby time."

 _I cannot conceive,_ Rei clarified. _I lack the appropriate internal organs, they were replaced by a super solenoid and associated organic tissues._

"Which would explain why all of your imagery is classified," Kodama puffed her cheeks out. "That's terrible of them. Who did this to you?"

Shinji's voice darkened, "My father."

+++++ 15th Angel + 5: Tuesday, November 29th (124)

"Well," Ritsuko breathed out a great deal of her anxiety as she slowly extracted the scope from the nose of her patient, "the good news is the treatment seems to have worked. Using what I'm going to call 'bullshit space magic', our new friend Doctor Amethyst has healed your throat and associated cartilage." Gripping the alien doctor's shoulder, she smiled with sincere gratitude, "And saved someone I love. Thank you."

"It is nothing," Amy blushed a pale blue. "I am glad I arrived in time, really it is Shinji that should be celebrated. He managed to pull off a miracle in [Song] me from that distance."

Hikari circled around her wife and pulled the newest tenant of the Manor into a deep embrace, "Gratitude doesn't have to be limited that way, Amy. Thank you. The world would have been a much colder place without my Maya-bear."

Her nasal passage and throat now free of the tools of medicine, Maya wiped her nose and eyes before making a face, "Lemon mint is terrible." Working her jaw to clear her ears, she frowned, "Is that how I'm going to sound now? Like…a female Shinji?"

"If you do not rest properly, yes," Amy allowed Hikari to linger in an embrace, turning it into a side hug to face her patient. "He damaged his throat by pushing his healing, and it took a personal intervention by the Captain using my treatment to save what we have. _You_ , Lieutenant Colonel, will not push your voice. Doctor's orders."

Bunching her lips and looking aside cutely, she kept the good humor flowing by hamming up her surrender.

Shifting her affection back to her wife, Hikari walked over and lightly ran her finger over the oddly colored line of skin, nearly invisible if one didn't know where to look for it, "Mmmm, I do enjoy a good scar on a person." Leaning forward, she ran the tip of her tongue lightly along the discoloration, earning a rasping moan. Slipping around behind her spouse and slowly caressing her 'weak points', she smiled playfully to Ritsuko, "Doctor…I think she needs another _inspection_. Might I ask you to assist me in making sure she's… _healthy_?"

"Oh, hey, it sounds like I might be needed to check on those cultures from the blue-haired lady," Amy looked at a strange device she carried. "Might be a while. Just…uhm…bye!" Popping out of existence, she left the room as rapidly as possible.

"Well," Ritsuko stood from her seat, removing her lab coat with a slow smile, "I guess I can take a _few_ moments to be certain of my supervisor's cardiovascular fitness."

Maya, trying desperately not to squeal in glee, allowed herself to be maneuvered into the private labs. It was terribly naughty, but she was technically on leave. The world could wait, for an hour or so. After all…she survived.

+++++ 15th Angel + 5: Tuesday, November 29th (124)

"She's still asleep?" Ireul looked through the glass wall into the room next to Shinji's where Lilith was recuperating, cautiously approaching the bed and the now-alone pair laying upon it, "I guess she was hurt worse than we thought by you being frozen in state." Moving to stand alongside Rei, she smiled sadly, "Hello, dear. I'm sorry that we had to meet like this."

 _I am sorry, I do not know who is speaking._ Feeling Shinji's gentle squeeze of reassurance, she returned the greeting, _I am, however, pleased to meet you._

Taking hold of the conversation, and accepting the awkwardness of it, Shinji reached out and joined his hand with both women's, "Rei, this is Ireul. She's one of my Aspects. It's not entirely incorrect to say that she's the one I rely on the most."

"I wish one of us was capable of healing sight." Pleased that Shinji was eagerly holding her hand, even if he also held the woman that she'd stolen the appearance of with it, she reached down and lightly ran her fingers through Rei's hair, "Though, if you would be ok with it, I can help with the nightmares."

The bluenette's face's emotional range had increased greatly, whether as a result of her loss of eyesight or her return to the living, and both saw her consider the statement with a hint of confusion, _I…do not understand._

"I presume because you've never had pleasant dreams," the Aspect stated with more than a hint of pain. "If you'd prefer, after I extract what I can for now, once you've slept a few times to compare what you remember to what you experience…I can put things back."

"It doesn't hurt," Shinji reassured her. "Iri does it for me, and for Yinghua-chan."

 _Then I shall accept,_ Rei's song shifted to determination. _If you have earned his trust, you shall have mine as well._

Watching as Ireul carefully went to work, he carried the weight of the conversation, "Before she left, Eve cautioned against bringing Rei into my soul without Lily acting as a guide. Though, to be honest, I'm considering simply accepting Lily now. She chose to do this, she was honest when she admitted that Tsuru asked her to 'heal' her, if this doesn't prove her determination to be a better person I'm not sure what could."

"If that is your choice, my love, then that is what we shall do," casting a warm smile, and receiving one in return, she continued to soothe her fears that the man she adored was still suffering for doing what must be done. "I made a quiet visit to Miss Haraldson…."

"I'm glad she's going home." No one had told him, even Jorth had only mentioned that she had been able to wake up, but he could feel in his heart what had happened, "She's not ready. Not for love, not for this. If, or maybe when, she is ready…she'll know where to find us."

Rei squeezed his hand nervously, _I do not trust her. There is a terrible…wrong, in her mind. When she looks upon you, it is not with loving eyes._

Ireul encouraged the youth to lie still, "How do you mean, dear?"

 _She sees herself performing the acts that Doctor Akagi performed while tormented by Lilith's whispers. Enjoying them. Going beyond even those dark images._ Calming as Shinji rolled onto his side to pull her close, she shook her head, _If she is sound enough in her own mind to know that these…perversions linger, then it is better that you allow her to seek her peace elsewhere. I would not see you harmed, and as I cannot see at all I would be unable to prevent it._

"It _would_ match up with what we saw in more than one dream," she mused, crushing the aggregated tangle of nightmares she'd freed from Rei's mind. "You would have to ask Eve, or Lilith, for more. Our ability to read deeper thoughts is lessened, now that we are bound to you."

He shook his head, "It's not going to be a problem any time soon, and I'm not going to endorse someone digging through her mind to satisfy curiosity. Having thoughts and acting on those thoughts are two different issues, and if we start expecting people to maintain pristine minds…we'll become the very monsters we're trying to save people from."

+++++ 15th Angel + 5: Tuesday, November 29th (124)

"You _didn't_ ," Yang covered her mouth with both hands. Having returned home with her friend and fellow fiancée to help prepare the household for a new occupant, she'd stumbled upon something she never thought she'd hear.

Tsuru's blush was tempered by the confidence she'd discovered in herself, having made a decision which led to a positive end for her new family, "It was…an experience."

"But…." Biting down on her lip, twining her fingers together, she lowered her hands back down and tried to think through the right things to say, "She's not a part of the household."

"Yes she is," the farmgirl blinked in confusion. "She's always around…well not lately when she's been helping Rose-san with that Angel, but normally she's here. This is where she thinks of as home, she cares about all of our health, she joins us for dinner. She's a part of the household, she's like Rose-san, or Amy-san."

"Rose is his _wife_!" Her heart began to ache, "Tsuru, you have to tell him what you did. I think he might forgive you for doing it, because he loves you and because it apparently convinced her to restore Rei-chan, but you…you really shouldn't do that again. Until or unless someone is _officially_ a part of the house, I'd keep your skirt on."

Tsuru couldn't keep her irritation from growing in her voice, "You're making it seem like I slept with a stranger."

"If Shinji brought Kensuke-kun around to visit, would you sleep with him?" Raising her eyebrow to make the point clear, she leaned in, "Stranger, friend, even extended family, the rules we agreed to when we signed those contracts were that if they weren't a part of _our_ family, we wouldn't be sexually active with them. I'm not saying you definitely cheated, but I'm not sure that you didn't."

+++++ 15th Angel + 6: Wednesday, November 30th (125)

It was the early hours of the morning before Lily woke. Sore, tired, and irritated at everything and anything under the sun, she entered the room where the man she loved so badly it was all she could do to stop from begging him to step on her just so that she knew he recognized her existence was lying awake, contemplating the world around him as the fragment of her being she'd gifted him was safe in his arms. The very rational, very reasonable, spike of jealous rage that followed that first sight took a moment to subside. What followed, however, crushed it completely.

 _Come here,_ holding out his other arm, he urged her towards him and the blank space to his left. _I'm glad you're awake. I've been trying to figure out what to say to you, and I think I won't know until I just start saying it._

There was pleasure in his song as she hurried over, joy as he wrapped her tight against him, but both were carried on winds of nervous fear. She'd known that he wasn't going to instantly give her everything she wanted, but his actions prompted pernicious hope to taunt her just out of range of her ability to destroy it. Curling against him, thrilling as he laid his hand on her waist and pulled her closer, she kept her voice to his mind alone, _I promise, I don't know why she can't see. It doesn't make sense, I didn't change anything physically._

Working his fingers in a small circle along her flank, he shook his head, _I know. You wouldn't do something like this, and then purposefully damage her just to be petty. You're a bitch…but you're an honest bitch._

Her grin was quick and pleased, _I'm a woman of my word._

 _If we go into my soul, will she get rest? Physically, I mean. I've never really been clear on that._ The way the young bluenette seemed to be confused by what her mind was showing her in her dreams made him wonder what it was she was dreaming about, _I'd like to settle this before we go home. But I don't want to do anything without discussing it with her as well. You're…one person, in two bodies. I owe you both a chance to speak._

 _Her body will rest, her mind will not. If the problem is mental, and she needs time to cope with loss, or tragedy, then I wouldn't recommend drawing her into your soul unless it's to speak on the matter. This, likely, is just fatigue._ Reaching across his chest to run two fingers along Rei's cheek, she smiled, _I know exactly how that feels. I'll help you keep her separate, for now. She has the same protections I do, to an extent._

Dropping the three of them into his soul, Shinji made certain they landed closer to the central hub, away from the other Domains. The conversation, as he intended it, would be private. Or at least as private as was possible in a world surrounded by beings that defined Creation's intent. Settling them upon a larger bed, he felt his body grow to match what he had been after Kyoko talked him down. His voice was deeper, but his head hurt less, "Sorry. I'm…more comfortable like this, I think."

Her eyes opening, alarm registering on her face, Rei sat upright and patted along his chest, _You…have grown? Is this normal? Where…I do not have the medical equipment attached,_ she flexed the hand that in the physical world had an I.V. stuck to it. _The ventilation system has gone silent…. Where are we?_

"She can't see, even in here," moving so that she was on the other side of his body, Lily attempted to comfort and soothe the worried young woman. "We're in his soul, dear. A place where time acts oddly, and privacy from snooping ears is assured. He has grown as he attempts to find balance between his Lilin and Adamite sides, though I think he just wants to make sure there's enough of him for us all to love."

"Rei, can you try talking?" It would be diagnostically useful, of course, but he truly just wanted to hear her voice again, "The rules here are a little different, as she said. That you can't see is worrying."

"I…believe I am able to speak," relief replaced confusion. "Speech will not be denied to me, as sight has been. This is…comforting." Feeling the contours of his upper torso, an odd mixture of emotions bubbled upwards, "You are rather large."

Lily wasn't able to allow the unintended entendre from escaping unmolested, "Oh, he's _huge_ my dear."

A thin, blue, eyebrow arched as her lips curled down, "That might be concerning, as I have not engaged with more than those few medical tools designed to ensure proper vaginal health, and am likely not of a size to interact with such size. If this will prevent appropriate sexual congress, I will have to perform further research in methods to accommodate excess girth."

"…Really?" The question carried amusement, more than derision, as he looked down at the elder being suppressing her laughter, "I'm not this big in the real world, Rei. I'm the same size you felt, for now. Also I'm not ' _huge'_ ," he couldn't stop the blush from spreading, "I'm…my sized."

"With all due seriousness, Lover," Lily's words were undercut by giggles, "you're as big as you need to be. If you wanted to be smaller, all you need to do is concentrate. Your size is, after all, subject to your frame of mind to an extent."

"I have heard that growth during arousal is expected," Rei misunderstood her progenitor. "Can he make it larger or smaller as desired by his partner?"

With the Mother of Night rolling back onto her spine and howling with laughter, Shinji was left with the task of clearing up the misunderstanding, "Spirits help me. Rei, she's talking about my stature, not my…. I guess if I wanted to stop my body from growing larger after each Angel, all I have to do is concentrate. Which, now that I think about it, would make sense as to why I haven't been cramped in the entry plug. I probably shrank down subconsciously, when I needed to."

"That is fortunate, as I desire to become one with you, and would not want to delay that as I learned braille in order to study the necessary medical texts." Facing him, her lips curled in a tiny smile, "I have heard that it is pleasant, if painful at first."

"This isn't me," Lily coughed out her last few chuckles. "She's a part of me, sure, but these thoughts are all her. You know where we are, you know the rules."

A part of him was aghast at what she'd just admitted without the slightest hint of shame, another larger part of him was more than mildly aroused at the thought. They'd shared lives, in his memory. They'd shared a bed, more than once. Judged purely on physical merits, she managed to provide him with delights he'd never regret. However it was the mental and emotional problems that she brought with her that always caused their downfall, and that was why he was where he was, "Rei, there are rules that I have agreed to follow. My relationship with the others in my house is based on them, and while I have…more freedom than they do, I won't budge on most of them."

She nodded once, "Sensible. Without order, there is only chaos. The more individuals gathered, the greater the chaos. To protect them, you must guide them. You continue to become the leader I knew you were capable of being. What are the parameters?"

"You are not allowed to engage in physically romantic actions with anyone that does not have a tie to his soul," Lily spoke in his stead. "You are not allowed to engage in cruelty to those under his protection. You are not allowed to suffer in silence. We, my dear, are not _them_. His Lilin wives have different rules. They fill a Role, as required by Creation. Their purpose for existing by his side is as much for their benefit as his. We, the two of us, are outside of that paradigm. The first two rules are what I have lived by, since he offered me equality. The third, however, is because he would have it no other way. If you are in pain, speak to someone. Him, his darling Light, that tasty little morsel Maya, someone. I have not returned your life only to have you waste away because you are afraid of speaking to the support system we've built around him. They will be your allies, your family. Offer your hand to help them, but do not be afraid of reaching out with that hand for help _from_ them."

Shinji blinked, "Wait…she's not…. Creation won't use her?"

"No more than it uses me." Shifting closer to her wayward fragment, the Night Mother tried to acclimatize her to receiving physical affection from others, "She's not Lilin, in the traditional sense. Creation seems to need the children from this world, not those like us from beyond. You should know this, Lover. You just gave a grand speech about not being human yourself."

"I agree to the terms, on the condition that should you suffer, Shinji, you speak to me…or to someone I can trust." Her mouth formed a hard line, "I will not tolerate your suffering either. You and I are of a mind, in that we do not enjoy intense socialization. We are introverted, and with introversion comes hesitation in reaching out for the help she describes. I understand the pain you have endured, and will not encourage or further it."

The rules made sense, as far as retaining loyalty to the group and promoting healthy behavior went, and her demand that he not be an idiot was only reasonable with his history of engaging in that style of idiocy. "I…. I won't _insist_ that you try and form relationships with the others, but I would _encourage_ you to. The women in my household were heartbroken when you were taken from us, Rei. After I bond you to us, I think you'll better understand how they feel. Having lady friends will only help you feel more connected to the household."

"I'd hold off on bonding," Lily cautioned. "If you bond her, you bond me. If you bond me before the fight against Tabris, you'll limit the help I can provide. I'm not _him_ , and I'm not entirely sure how the process will complete. I may not become an Aspect. I may incorporate more fully into your being. I may lose abilities, gain new ones, there are too many variables. Let me stay as I am, for now, until I can be confident that our little family is safe from the immediate threats."

Rei agreed readily, "That is a wise precaution. I am not mortal, in the same way that she is not. We will have more than enough time to be with one another without risking everything for little more than a month of more complete unity." A vein of disappointment worked its way into her voice, "Though I will not enjoy waiting to unite with your body. Much of my time before my demise was spent attempting to determine the appropriate ethical and moral underpinnings regarding any potential relationship between us. We are neither siblings nor parent and child. To deem us cousins would be incorrect, as we both were born of the same mother, though in far different methods. With the reaction I received from… _our_ household, however, I believe it is safe to say that our eventual ascent to a sexual relationship will not receive repudiation or ostracization."

"Wait? Why are we waiting?" The Second Angel shook her head vigorously, "The rules don't require waiting, my dear. Him, or anyone else in the house, they're all fair game. We tie ourselves to him by our _word_. The bond is something he has asked for, and we give to him because we love him. Our oath, and the honor we carry with us everywhere we go, is all that's required to buy our way into his or their pants."

"That's not…completely untrue," Shinji realized that there was a degree of 'pipe' to that statement. "Considering what you and I have done, it would only be fair to accept someone else in the house doing the same. I guess I just hold myself to a higher standard because it's what I'm supposed to do."

Rei held onto his hand with a genuine smile, "Then that is what we will do. It is not an eternity, as I said."

Caught off guard by the sudden change in plans, Lily recalled what she'd done with Tsuru and tried to piece together a strategy to stop that from exploding in all of their faces. He'd expressly stated that it would be 'fair' to do what he had done with her…which was far less than what she'd taken from the young woman he was to wed.

Shinji frowned suddenly, hearing something that neither of the other two women could, "I need to go. Please, get some sleep Rei. Lily…I'd like to talk to you alone, later."

+++++ Author's Notes:

Blackplant:

RE: Lilith.

She's a complex character with both upsides and downsides. It's not wrong to say that she's the largest mass murderer that the galaxy has ever known. It's also not wrong to say that she shouldn't be judged by human morality, as she's _not human_. She's made a lot of progress in trying to win what she desires, and now she's made even more progress by sacrificing of herself towards that end. She's been fun to write.

RE: Story.

Thank you, I appreciate you taking the time to read it.

JaceSterne:

RE: The Shinji went click, the Shinji went bang.

Few journeys of self-discovery run the potential risk of rewriting physical laws. In any sane world, he'd be feared as a weapon of absolute devastation, instead of treated like a kindly hero.

RE: Idunn.

Shinji's not just giving lip service to the idea of freedom. He's very, very emotionally tied to it.

RE: Amethyst.

Adamite derived lifeforms cannot fill Lilin derived Roles. Balance doesn't work that way.

origamishishou: RE: Zeruel.

No, no. That was the author being a dumb. Fixed that paragraph, Zero-kun is the Fourteenth again. The things I manage to miss in post-writing readthroughs astonish me sometimes. Good catch, though!


	139. Chapter 139

+++++ 15th Angel + 6: Wednesday, November 30th (125)

As badly as Misato wanted to be a part of the hug that Shinji held Rei within, the bluenette's once and future housemate decided that her time would be better spent addressing several important issues. Demanding that the HR staff correct all of the records so that the time Rei had spent floating in a vat of LCL was marked down as recovering from a significant workplace injury instead of any other status that would mean less pay, that her address was officially updated to be the Manor, that her current blindness was added to her eventual pension and disability rating. While wrestling over the phone with the graveyard HR supervisor's concern that this would cause some issues further up the chain once finance was asked to write a check for the amount that would likely be accrued, the violet-haired whirlwind made her way down to check on the other pilot that deserved a chance at a comeback.

"…I don't care how you tell them, get it done!" Hanging up her phone she shook off the giddy joy she'd felt at hearing a young woman's voice she'd begun to doubt would ever return. Where she was going, 'joy' was not on the menu. Stepping through the sliding doors, the fire and fury were replaced with cool and tranquil. Attempting to match Asuka emotion for emotion was a recipe for disaster. Her stay in the holding pen was not over, and would not be over for some time, but she wouldn't engage in cruelty. Not yet.

A new and unexpected presence materializing before her nearly frightened a dozen years from her life as it bade her to stop moving forward. Shrinking so that it would ride on her shoulder, and gazing at her with near-infinite patience, was the miniature form of the most laconic of all of Shinji's Aspects.

 _…Sachiel?_ Turning to place her back to the wall, she pulled out her phone so as not to appear insane to anyone that might see her, _Is something wrong?_

Gesturing down towards where the Second Child would be, he shook his head subtly. She was not to go, at least not alone.

Misato rolled her eyes, _I think I can handle someone who is stuck on the other side of six centimeter thick plasteel. I appreciate that Shinji's probably worried about all of us after what happened but-_

Another shake of his head.

 _How…am I understanding you?_ The realization that he'd not said a word brought with it a host of new questions, _If Shinji didn't send you, then what are you doing here?_

Tilting his head to the side, he seemed amused.

 _We…are?_ Pocketing her phone, she moved back towards her goal, _Fine. Just don't scare her, or better yet, don't let her see you. If you feel that strongly about it, it's not like you're going to find a way to ruin everything by watching._ "I doubt she's even awake. It's…."

The sight before her, the…undiluted _hate_ being projected by a disheveled sixteen year old redhead, stopped anything else Misato might have said. The suicide watch, two agents chosen specifically for their ability to incapacitate without 'accidentally' hurting someone, simply looked over once to see the worry on the Sub-Commander's face, then returned to their contemplation of what might as well have been a frozen television screen displaying a vision of Malice. Blue eyes stared at her, unblinking, unrelenting, unforgiving. Her jaw locked, not grinding her teeth together, simply held in place as if to release even a fraction would unleash death itself upon the listener. One hand was splayed against the transparent material, not bracing, not struggling, simply waiting for the command to crush what it touched. What she'd hoped to find was not there. There was no Asuka. There was only _Fury_.

The list of possible responses, ways to attempt to address the problem in some form or fashion that didn't involve creating more problems, was incredibly sparse in Misato's mind, "How…long has she been standing there?" She couldn't take her eyes off of Asuka's.

"Since the attack on Paladin," the senior of the two guards responded, emotionally vacant.

Walking carefully towards the intercom, her movement tracked unerringly by that malevolent glare, she pressed the button that would allow her to be heard inside the cell, after running the math and not enjoying what that meant, "Asuka, I'd really like it if you'd take the medicine Doctor Akagi prescribed." Letting the button free, she switched to the one that would allow her to hear any reply. Time ticked past, with no response forthcoming. So still, so unflinching, was she that Misato worried the young woman wasn't actually awake but was suffering from a psychotic break and acting on pure subconscious thought.

"This…is not acceptable," Shinji's voice drew Misato's eyes, his sudden appearance nearly set her heart flying out of her mouth for the second time in the span of minutes. Before she could stop him, he knocked heavily against the partition, waving his hand to break the line of sight between the two women.

The change in demeanor was immediate, and horrifying. Asuka's face shifted from spite to 'girlish', the fingers of one hand quickly raking some semblance of order in her mane. Her lips moved, the other hand gesturing in support of whatever it was that had been said. None of the three ladies on the 'free' side of the glass could understand what was being said…the one male nodded slowly, seemingly understanding perfectly. Rolling her eyes in playful exasperation, she pointed to Misato and then rolled one finger around her ear, laughing coyly.

With pain evident in his tone, the mountainous pilot nodded carefully, "I understand. I'm glad that you're willing to cooperate, Two. You have to prove it to them, though, you and I both know that the paperwork around here dominates everything else. I need to get back to it, I'm sorry. If I'm going to write up that report, I need to find the proper forms for it." Stepping back with a slight bow of parting, he moved several steps away to where he couldn't be seen.

Like ice melting in the nuclear flames of a dying star, the 'girly' gave way to hatred. Her eyes, once more, locked onto Misato with absolute precision, radiating the most vile torments conceivable towards her very soul. The mask had fallen off, the need to 'impress' Shinji no longer necessary, she returned to what she was inside.

 _Come on,_ Shinji beckoned the woman he loved over. _There's nothing to be gained by standing there right now. She won't talk to you._ Waiting patiently as Misato cautiously moved back along the unbreakable barrier, he looked to the two guards, "Please contact me if she collapses. She's my responsibility, and I would take it as a personal favor that any orders to the contrary be 'conveniently forgotten'."

The senior most guard nodded, "You got it, sir. Good to see you back in the fight."

Putting his hand around Misato's waist, he urged her onwards with a weary sigh, "I never left it, ma'am. Wherever I am…that's where the fighting is."

+++++ 15th Angel + 6: Wednesday, November 30th (125)

"How did you do that?" Entering her office and shuddering away the discomfort Asuka's stare had bored into her, Misato looked to her lover with concern, "And are you good enough to be up and about?"

"Sachiel pressed the button allowing her to hear me," he gestured to the shoulder the Aspect had been on before disappearing back into the world. "I asked Bardiel to tell me what she was saying in reply. As for the second question, no. No, I'm not 'good enough' to be moving around. I hurt, I'm tired, and I want nothing more than for everything to just stop kicking me in the _fucking_ face for three seconds. Really, right now, I'd take two seconds. But bellyaching and whining gets nothing accomplished, so let's skip past the nonsense and get down to what needs to happen." _Amy_?

The perky doctor appeared with a dull flash of light, "Hi! Ya called me, boss?"

"First order of business," he gestured to the couch, urging the woman to sit down with him. Tilting his head for Misato to take the solo chair, he waited for everyone to be in place before he began, "I am both officially and personally apologizing for what I did. During combat operations, I summoned a medical professional into a situation that was not contained. I risked your safety, and the safety of any patients under your care, and that was reckless and stupid." Shifting from Paladin Ikari to Shinji, he let his head hang slightly, "In so doing…I dragged you into my life." Touching his tongue to his lips, he tried to balance what he'd agreed to do with the need to be honest, "You are a good woman, Amethyst. There were many realities where you and I had a lot of fun, learning about medicine, teaching me your dialect. Rose…or those versions of her, hated that you 'corrupted' my mind with your more…whimsical tone. If you are even a tenth of the woman I've known, I will be fortunate beyond belief to have a chance at earning your [Song]. However…hurt any of my family, and I will use the bones of your young as kindling as I burn your world to ashes."

Misato nearly swallowed her tongue, " _Shinji!_ "

"Agreed," Amy smiled happily, acting as if nothing was possibly unnatural about the threat. "It's good ta see that ya really did pay attention ta th' lessons. Not many folks remember those old ways…kind of why I left [Song]. You'll make a great [Song], an' I look forward ta getting' ta know ya better."

Grinning weakly, he looked to Misato, "You wouldn't understand. It's cultural." With one hand on Amy's knee, he shook his head as he returned to her, "Right now, I need your help again. I'm making something of a habit of asking you to save the women in my life, I know, but you're one of the best doctors I know and…. Asuka is not well. She's not sleeping, she's barely eating, she's vacillating between manic and depressive, and that's just the beginning of what's _physically_ symptomatic. Her life's goal has been stolen with-" His head rocked forward as Kyoko full-arm slapped the back of it, "Ow."

 _I told you I wouldn't be gentle._ The raven-haired Doctor crossed her arms, _My daughter needs help, but that does not free you of your obligations._

"Whoa, wait," Misato waved her hands, "the fuck is going on? Why are we suddenly violent?"

"Change," Shinji ground out through gritted teeth. "Misato, I love you. I love you dearly, and deeply. Please, focus on Asuka. Let me do what I have to about me." Refocusing his eyes on the doctor before him, instead of the one ready to flatten the rear of his skull, he started again, "Her life's goal has been removed from her grasp. She _lived_ for defeating the Angels. It was the one way she was going to prove to the world that she was the best. Before anything else, that was what she would be remembered for. Standing atop a mound of their dead."

"Respectable," Amy nodded in understanding.

Taking another breath, trying to force himself to do as he had to, he swallowed twice and then began again, "I have begun a lifelong relationship with her mother. Kyoko is non-negotiable, just like every other woman I have accepted into my [Song]. I cannot see a good end coming from bringing Asuka into this. You know that the society I was raised in doesn't even truthfully tolerate the relationship I have with the [Song] that's formed around me. Not normally. There is no _possible_ way that she'd accept existing as a [Song]. If I made the offer, I guarantee you that she'd accept it only as a way to eliminate everyone else."

Disgust briefly crossed her eyes before she looked away and spat out, "[Song]. They're…. She's a friend of my [Song], and I'll do what I can, but I don't abide that kinda gal. I agreed ta [Song] wit' ya, an' I won't let some self-centered [Song] act like that with my new [Song]."

"Believe me," he smiled with remembered pain, "I understand."

"I don't!" Misato's hand shot up, "Half of that wasn't even in Japanese, the rest of it wasn't in _understandable_ Japanese. What on Earth are you two talking about, and how does it help Asuka?"

"My patient," slowing her speech down, Amy looked to the woman she recognized as 'in command', "your…friend, shows no signs of infection. Whatever is causing her blindness, it is not in her blood. The sample of the tank she was kept in, same thing. I can provide no rational reason for her eyes not to work. What this means is, I have done what I can for one patient. Now, my…the closest word you have is Husband, he has asked that I do what I can for his comrade. I will need blood drawn, a number of other samples, if possible. I would gather them myself, but she is not part of the…clan?" She looked to Shinji, "[Song], Clan, they're both close enough, right?"

"We prefer family," he shrugged, "but clan works too. It's more analogous to what you would call it, but has more baggage in our language."

"Family…ok," she returned to the point. "If she's not part of the family, I'm forbidden from directly interacting with her. I cannot hold people to account for laws, if I myself am a lawbreaker. My Captain relies on me retaining my neutrality, and so I have to be above reproach."

"Which is where I need you, Misa-chan," Shinji turned his warmth onto the violet-haired sub-commander. "You saw, and I saw, what cannot be considered 'healthy' behavior. Hating you isn't wrong, because it's a matter of opinion. Hating you that deeply for attempting to maintain order could even be a simple sign of social maladjustment. Whatever was happening right there, has to be something physically wrong. Going from making you that uneasy to flirty and breezy with me? 'Healthy' doesn't do that."

 _If she's not able to sleep properly, if she's not eating properly, if she's not engaged in appropriate activities, her bipolar is likely exacerbating those problems,_ Kyoko gently rubbed the back of Shinji's neck. _People say 'medicate', but you need to treat the behaviors just as much as the symptoms. She needs to build positive habits, make them a part of her daily life, or we're just patching over a gaping wound with a tissue._

Blowing out her cheeks, Misato began to understand her role. It wasn't one she'd have chosen for herself, but then again…neither was his, "I'll make our recommendations to the Commander later today, _after_ we've taken Rei home." Pointing at him, though she received no complaint, she made it clear she'd tolerate no protestations, "I want to be there when our girl leaves this place, and when she arrives at where she'll be treated like a human being." Nodding with a huff, she continued, "We'll ask Maya if she'll be ok advocating for Asuka, and have Ritsuko be her care manager. If we're going to declare her incompetent…we're going to follow the rules."

+++++ 15th Angel + 6: Wednesday, November 30th (125)

Only vaguely aware of Hikari and Misato exuding good cheer and excitement about how wonderful it will be to have Rei in the Manor, Shinji sat quietly and focused instead on the woman speaking in his mind. As badly as he wanted to be right, and as badly as _she_ wanted him to be right, they both knew that 'right' and 'correct' weren't always the same thing. _If I make the offer to Asuka, I am introducing a volatile element into a household that has shown the capacity to explode violently without me around to stabilize it. Idunn has the right of it, patience and distance. If the love is still there years from now after she's better, then all we've lost is the baggage._

 _I know,_ Kyoko's irritation was clear despite the lack of visual cues. _I just…I don't want to make her decisions for her. If she's able to overcome the fact that you and I…._ A growling sigh followed the statement, _I don't care how I feel! Yes, it's…bothersome. It's irritating. I don't like that you're with other women! I don't like the fact that I'm dead! But damn it all I am going to do what I can to take what happiness is available to me while I adjust to my new life! If I can get over the fact that a man willing to serenade me with music, hold me while I weep, fuck me like I'm a goddess, and fight for my daughter is forced by an alien power beyond our ken to have a bunch of wives, then I can get over the fact that he's also…providing my daughter with the opportunity to enjoy the same benefits._

Closing his eyes and resting his head against the seat, Shinji tried not to join her in cursing the world for what it had done. _All of you deserve far better, Kyoko. No amount of pain, misery, or slaps to the back of the head will get me to say otherwise. I am not, and will never be, good enough for all of you. Perhaps, someday, I would have been good enough for one of you…but all I can say is I will spend the rest of eternity doing what I can to be the best I can for each of you._

 _Which is why I say we make the offer. I'll…adapt. If it will make her happy, help her live a life free of the mental illness that I passed down to her, then I'll just learn to live with my husband,_ she shuddered violently, _sleeping with his step-daughter._

 _Your reaction to that statement, and the fact that I mean it when I say that I will do what is the best thing possible, is precisely why I'm not making that offer._ Noting that they were near the Manor, he changed the topic, "I'm going to speak with Kiyomi. I'm sorry, but I've got a million things to do. Light, I trust you to do what's best about her bedroom. Misa-chan, don't rush. Take time to enjoy the homecoming, everything else can wait until later in the day." Climbing out at the checkpoint, and waving to the second vehicle containing Ritsuko, Maya, and Kelly, he wasn't surprised when Mikoto climbed out of the second car to walk with him. "Miki-chan," he offered his elbow, "I need to speak to Kiyomi."

"Miki-chan loves Shin-tan," gently pushing his arm down, she stood on her toes to kiss his chin. "But Shin-tan needs Miki-chan ready to defend him. We'll get cuddle-pets later, for now, it's pokey-sharp time."

The volume of love in her gaze was a glorious pain, and further evidence that he was right to walk the path he was walking. Gesturing onwards, he set himself in motion and whispered quietly, "A five minute nap might not hurt, later." Catching sight of the Aspect of Haze toying with the braids his Assassin now wore, he added mentally, _It looks beautiful on you. Your art has amplified her good looks, Bardiel. Maybe you could join us for our nap?_

 _Miki-chan would like that,_ the agent grinned. _Shin-tan is_ very _warm, and Bardi-chan made him compliment Miki-chan._

"Good morning, sir," Kiyomi's XO saw his approach and jogged over to make themselves available. "What brings you to our little patch of heaven this morning?"

"I need to brief Major Honda on some changes occurring to the Manor. I should probably include Bravo and Charlie as well. Do you happen to have a few runners I could borrow? I know it's short notice, but things have kind of escalated rapidly." He scrubbed the side of his face, "I say that like that's not the default around me."

The woman laughed with earnest amusement, "Dull is boring, sir. Give me a dynamic situation over stasis any day of the week. The Major is currently eating while she works on a project in her tent. If you trust me to handle the rest, I'll get the others to join you there. If she changes her mind on the location, she can post one of the privates at her door to redirect traffic."

"Thank you, Lieutenant. I appreciate both your cooperation, and your outlook," smiling wryly, he bowed enough to indicate he was departing and moved onwards. _Alpha seems to be run from top to bottom by people that want to be here. I wonder why Bravo and Charlie keep having problems._

Far enough away from anyone that she could speak aloud, Mikoto replied tersely, "Alpha was handpicked. Bravo and Charlie afterthoughts."

Grunting his understanding of her point, he began to wonder what kind of means you would take to choose even the privates for that kind of assignment. They were younger, which meant less of a reputation had built. A background investigation would need something to work with. Was he forming the next generation of leaders for the military by demanding perfection? Would they be able to carry on, removed from Alpha Company? Boulders fell into his rucksack whether he wanted them to or not, and he had a duty to carry them onwards.

A polite knock on the wooden frame of Kiyomi's canvas tent brought a nearly inaudible groan of irritation, "Enter."

Mikoto held the entrance open and gestured inside, allowing Shinji to contort his body enough to fit through the smaller gap. "I think, if I were to ever actually use one of these," standing up to his full height, he nearly touched the 'ceiling' with his head, "I'd need larger."

"Sir," standing from her desk, the Major took note of the fact that Mikoto remained outside to guard the once-again closed door. As they were alone, as far as she knew, her tenor changed. Glaring at him, she leaned in and whispered, "Are you _completely_ insane?! Do you have _no_ self-control? If you can't stop yourself from lashing out at the world like a toddler, then at least do us a favor and stop putting yourself in situations where those frustrations are going to cause you to act like one!" Her eyes narrowed as the target of her ire let his eyes drop and a small smile grow on his face, "I swear I will hurt myself trying to hurt you if you don't start taking me seriously."

Raising one eyebrow as he looked back up to her, "I'm taking you very seriously. So seriously, in fact, that I came here specifically to allow you to do this. Before I attempted to heal Idunn Haraldson, I asked Leliel and Ireul to pull me out of her mind if it looked like I was going to lose control. I set out protections, specifically to prevent what I thought was the likely end result. I would fail, I would become overwhelmed with emotions, and I would lash out. Instead, I found that I had success in my grasp, but was pulled out because the chance of me bonding her to my soul for all time was too high. That led to me 'lashing out at the world like a toddler'," he tapped his chest over the knife wound, "which led to me being stabbed by one of Rose's crew with a weapon that nearly killed me." He knew she'd not known the full story, but her reaction to hearing that he'd been stabbed surprised him.

Pulling his shirt open, she took note of the scar, "So…even gods can bleed." Her eyes clenched shut, followed by a burst of curses, "Do _not_ report this to anyone else. I'm positive that your chain blocked out this intel, because it would have been all over the morning briefings. If the wrong person finds out that you have alien assassins armed with knives that can kill you, my job becomes impossibly hard. I can protect _them._ I can't even stop you from taking long walks in the moonlight." Running the tip of one finger over the still-healing skin, she shook her head, "This is pretty jagged. Not what I'd expect from a-"

"Oh, uh," Captain Ozaki, Commander, Bravo Company, had not anticipated walking into an ostensibly intimate scene. Ducking in and tugging the door shut, grateful that she'd arrived alone, the energetic woman barred the entrance with her body while facing away, "Sorry. If I jump back out I'm going to make it obvious something's happening. I didn't see anything. I don't know anything. Two consenting adults were certainly not flirting." Looking back over her shoulder at Kiyomi's growl of frustration, she spun and waved her hands, "Hey, hey, I was called here! He said he was briefing changes to Point Blue. Unless…." Her head tilted slightly, "I mean…I'm not _opposed_ to the idea."

Shinji reached out to the woman outside, _Mikoto?_

Her response was simple, _She was on the guest list. You weren't being naughty, because Shin-tan isn't naughty. Then what's the problem?_

Buttoning up his shirt, Kiyomi glared death at her ally, "You and I are going to have a long talk, Captain. We may be peers, we may even be friends, but you still _knock_ on your friend's door before barging in."

At that statement, a knock sounded on the frame, "Major? Permission to enter?"

Finishing up the last button and stepping away, she looked significantly at Sachiko and announced, "Enter."

Shinji fought to keep his cheeks from burning in embarrassment for the Major. With Charlie Company's Commanding Officer now present, he decided to make things shorter to extract everyone from a mass of confusion, "I'll make this brief, as I know the three of you have an enormous number of duties to tend to."

"No need to rush, sir," Kiyomi announced diplomatically. "When a superior officer requests the presence of his juniors, it's the obligation of the junior officer to attend him. I appreciate the briefing on yesterday's unexplained storm, and will pass that information along to my colleagues as appropriate. Let's move on to the new issues at Point Blue."

Assuming that they meant the Manor, he nodded. He could trust her to sanitize the events of the attempted assassination, and to come to him later for more details, "We'll be adding a new resident today. Rei Ayanami has recovered from the injuries she sustained during combat operations against the Thirteenth Angel, and has chosen to live with us."

"Having her bunk with you makes sense, protecting the pilots in the same location makes our job easier," Sachiko kept her bearing in place, despite having a million questions about what she'd seen when she walked in. "Will she be attending school with you again, or is she still on a recovery profile?"

"That will be up to her, and how she feels." He wouldn't make that choice for her, "An unfortunate side effect of her injury is that she has lost her sight." A pair of murmurs, from Kiyomi and Sachiko, indicated that they felt poorly for the young woman. The slight frown from Charlie Company's commander, however, seemed more concerned with the increased obstacles. "While she learns to navigate the world again, we'll likely be moving slower. I'm certain that there are not only protocols, but backup protocols, for protecting someone who is blind. I wanted to personally brief this to you so that you understand my mind. Whatever _she_ chooses to do with her life, I will support. I will expect appropriate mission plans from all of you regarding how we will accommodate her special requirements. We will brief those people who will remain by her side during the day, so that they know what is 'normal' and what is 'call Shinji to erase the problem'." He took note of the Major's eyes hardening, Sachiko's shock, and the vague hint of impressed surprise on Charlie Company's commander's face, "The world…is becoming more dangerous, my friends. When the final bill comes due, I won't be found wanting."

"Understood, sir," Kiyomi's initial response was as expected. The follow up, less so, "The sir might recall recent briefings regarding an increase in knife attacks around certain sectors of the city. Perhaps, on his excursions, he might consider caution."

He felt the veiled advice well-founded, "I will not be changing the profile of our excursions, Major. I will, however, maintain the agreement we reached regarding my falling back with those I am out with. If possible, I will allow the combined teams to handle the problem. If immediate action is required…my body count may increase."

"Would kind of prefer to avoid that, sir," Sachiko's hands tightened. "We're authorized, trained, and ultimately legally protected should we act in the course of duty. I'm not saying that you need to let someone be hurt, I'm just asking that you strongly consider defensive actions first and foremost."

"The people that might be coming after me here in the near future will not be easily defeated, Captain. If I engage, your people need to understand that I feel they have less chance of defeating the target than Yinghua-chan does of beating you in a fight." It hurt him to plan out actions that would lead to the death of anyone, but if war was to be brought to his shores then that war would be won by his forces, "Focus on extracting the civilians. Tell your teams to trust my judgement. I will not have time to explain, in a crisis. Whatever it is I'm pounding on, and whatever is helping me pound on it, are going to be out of their weight class." His eyes grew distant, "I'm…likely going to be…introducing some friends to the world, soon." Returning to the room before him, he looked first to Kiyomi, "Major, I request your presence for lunch. I missed our planned huddle yesterday on the biography, and I have the day free. Sub-Commander Katsuragi will be here all day, and can stop hovering over Pilot Ayanami for a few moments to act as a censor." Accepting her nod, he turned to the next target, "Captain Ozaki, I hate to ask on short notice, but would you be available for dinner? I need to discuss a few things with you that are longer term, and include several of the people in my house, but there's a rather urgent need to begin soon."

"Of course, sir," the shorter Captain agreed easily. "Formal wear, or will UOD do?"

He bunched his lips off to the side, "I'd rather you dressed in civilian gear, but I'll accept what I can get. I'm not as familiar with the formalities here as I ought to be, but the others will be in casual clothes. I'll trust your judgement." Sensing wariness in the third Captain's song, Shinji felt his patience slip slightly, "I appreciate your cooperation, ladies. The Japanese military has been absolutely vital in my success so far, and despite the change in our security posture I continue to rely on you to keep the Manor safe. If you'll excuse me, I need to go and check in with Team Rainbow. If they think I'm hiding from them, their grades suffer."

Charlie's Commander raised her eyebrow, "They aren't on the grounds, sir." Suddenly faced with the grim reality that a two hundred and thirty plus centimeter tall predator was now laser-focused on her being and radiating danger, the trained military officer's fight-or-flight reflex tripped in the incorrect direction, "I had assumed you would have better intel on their presence, sir. You tend to gallivant all over the city, trusting their care to random people."

Major Honda stepped in hard, "Captain, you are dismissed." When the woman made to speak, she increased the implied threat, "I will be reporting this to Colonel Hagiwara. Think very hard about how that report will end, and walk away."

"Or," surprising all three ladies, as the door had not seemed to open to admit her, Mikoto now stood directly behind the woman being evicted, "I could quietly resolve the problem." Her voice almost purring, her 'playful' manner now far more sinister, her lips curled in the barest hint of a smile, "Keep pushing my principle, and his Assassin might need to pay you a little visit later." A dull, dark, blue wafted off of her in menacing curls as she fully embraced her Role, "Where are my baby sisters?"

"With the Shirakami," Sachiko motioned for calm. "They communicated with us, we assumed they would share the same intel with you. They're safe, I checked up on them just before I came here. From what I understand yesterday was a lot rough on them."

Slipping the knife she'd pressed firmly against her target's back into its sheath once more, she never took her eyes from the other woman's as she whispered evenly, "Run along now, child. Wouldn't want you to get lost on the way home."

After her fellow commander backed out of the room, whether to obey the order that was only technically legal, or to escape either of the predators that had suddenly made themselves known, Kiyomi growled, "I will not have you threatening my people."

Surprising everyone, again, Shinji snapped his head to glare at the woman he respected, "Why were you focusing on me?"

"Because you're enormous and I can't do much else!" She gestured towards the camp, "What, was she going to slap you too hard?"

"Ma'am," Sachiko hated to disagree, but was compelled to by honor, "she had her hand on her service pistol after he learned that Rainbow's not here. You couldn't see because your line of sight was blocked, but the instant her hand touched that weapon the agent appeared behind her to prevent an…accidental discharge. I don't know what's happened, but perhaps we all need to step back."

"What's happened is my life has been threatened since the day I set foot in this accursed city, and it's only become worse," Shinji's temper grew. "In the past two days, I have been shot at, stabbed, and assaulted by people who ought to have been on my side. I trust Alpha. I trust Bravo's Commander, and several of Bravo's rank and file. If we cannot find someone to run Charlie Company that doesn't find new ways to reduce my ability to trust _anyone_ , I'm going to kick _all three_ Companies out of my lands. I will manage my own defense, if _your people_ feel that I'm such a threat that they need to rely on their sidearm instead of their skull." Offering the officer's weapon to Kiyomi, having requested that Bardiel 'liberate it' for inspection, he fought to not make it an order, "Check the magazine, please."

Bravo Company's Commander, once more, stepped in to help mediate the situation. Gently grasping the grip, she extracted the magazine and held it out for everyone to see, "Loaded, as I would expect." Those bullets that were visible were normal, and her lack of commentary on that fact bespoke an ignorance that surprised Shinji. Slipping the magazine into her BDU pants pocket, she touched the weapon again, "If I may…Shinji?" Using his name instead of something more formal, she eased the pistol free of his control with a friendly smile. Racking the slide, she caught the bullet that ejected, "One in the chamber. A rules violation, though more common than I care to admit. Depending on how the ricochet went, Kiyomi, one of the three of us could have been hurt. Which, and I think we're all willing to admit this, would hurt him even more. I'll write up a report on what I witnessed of her actions, and pass it along to Battalion. You write what you feel is best." Pocketing the extra round, she seemed to breathe much easier as Shinji's anger eased downwards, "Well. That was way more exciting than I thought it would be."

Kiyomi, not backing down from the mountain before her, spoke in a controlled tone, "Summary executions for low-level offenses is what tyrants do. Do not become what she is afraid you are, out of fear of what she believes you to be."

"I will see you at lunch," he couldn't disagree with her intent. However, he was not going to punish the woman that acted to prevent a potential tragedy. "Sachiko, I look forward to seeing you at dinner." Not waiting for a response, he turned and followed Mikoto through the door. Halfway down the row of tents, he reached over and caressed the skeletal woman's spine, _Let's go take a quick nap, shall we?_

 _Miki-chan would love to…but that's a Shirakami vehicle,_ gesturing to the main thoroughfare as they rounded the corner, she drew his eyes to one of the heavy transports the semi-legal organization preferred to move VIPs around. _Business before pleasure._

 _Get stabbed through the heart just once, and everything flies apart._ Changing their destination, he agreed that it would be better to see to the likely return of the two children before anything else, _Was it always balancing that precariously? Did I just…miss the warning signs? I knew this was going to fall apart, but I didn't think it would fall apart like this._

+++++ 15th Angel + 6: Wednesday, November 30th (125)

The front entrance to the Manor was appropriately sized, most people would believe, to accommodate a large amount of traffic. Whoever lived in such an impressive, if still humble, building likely hosted a great many guests. Never, in Shinji's wildest dreams, would he have felt that it was 'too small' before he himself was prone to growing into a titanic mass of muscled death. His day, having started out with frustrated impotence at Asuka's worrying decline, then continuing to worsen with the diplomatic failure of his meeting with the commanders, now faced yet another obstacle in his wishes being disregarded at the behest of two young girls he would never have said 'No' to either, "Nana-chan…. I love you." It wasn't what he'd wanted to say, and he knew that the tone did not match the sentiment, but it was safer than the other options at that moment.

"Believe me, I understand," she sighed. "It's not that I couldn't control the situation, but Yinghua-chan was about to melt completely down, Nozomi-chan was clinging to Fuuka-chan and hasn't been acting like she normally does, and ultimately this allowed me to get them here where they were safer. The backup plan, taking them all to my club, just didn't seem like the better idea. I didn't expect things to go this far south myself."

The pair watched as Nozomi, holding tight to Fuuka's hand, introduced her new 'other best friend' to the household. It was clear, even through the pulse of Shinji's irritation, that the youngest member of the household had found some solace in speaking to the young woman. A part of him was glad, witnessing the scene. He believed she was taking control of her emotions, turning them towards what he thought were positive ends. He wasn't unaware that Nozomi hated people suffering, and he certainly had guessed at her awareness of what he'd been doing at the Blue Crane, he just wished that there had been…other options.

Sakura was being held off the ground to sit on Kodama's hip, the gentle nurse providing comfort and attention to the second youngest member of the household. The former Suzuhara hadn't once looked at Shinji the entire time she'd known he'd arrived back at the house, despite several attempts by Kodama to fidget in such a manner that would bring her gaze towards him. Her frustration was plain in her voice, _I don't know what's wrong, Baby. She's clinging to me like I'm going to throw her away, and each time you move a little closer she starts trembling._

"Yinghua-chan," he had too much to do, but no matter what was happening the children had to come first, "would you mind helping me prepare breakfast? If we're having company, I could use an extra set of capable hands." The flinch as he spoke her new name tore at his heart. The way she tucked her face into Kodama's hair threatened to rip that heart out. He made out enough of her whisper to understand that she wanted to be anywhere else but where she was at the moment, and fought to keep his pain from his voice as he assented, "I understand. Kodama, I'll let you know when it's ready, ok?"

"Sure thing," turning away, she hurried the aggrieved youth towards her room and out of the crowd. Following behind her was Kelly and Yang, two people that he trusted to help the situation in whatever way possible.

He could feel the tears building, and Ireul's hand resting on the back of his head was the only thing that kept them at bay, _I'm going to die, the day she tells me she hates me._ Closing his eyes, he spoke in an even tone, "I hate to ask, Tsuru. Could you work on something light for everyone? I've got…."

"Of course, my prince," the farmgirl hurried over to him and pressed a light kiss to his lips before moving to the kitchen.

"I'll lend her a hand," Ritsuko offered, setting aside her coat and standing. "Need to do my fair share around here."

Nozomi, surprising everyone, sighed, "I'm sorry, Fuuka-nee-san, Sakura-chan's kind of a moody-butt sometimes."

"Nozomi," Hikari chided, "everyone has had a bit of a bad time these past few days. Even you. It's ok to let your emotions out, and Yinghua-chan is just overwhelmed. We're here to support her, there's no need to call her names."

"She's being a brat," she declared with unexpected heat. "I had to pull that knife out of nii-san's chest, you don't see me crying about it! Fuuka-nee-san's mommy died recently, you don't see her being a baby about it! Nii-san wanted to make breakfast with her to help her calm down, but instead she insists he's going to abandon all of us!"

"Go to your room," standing, The Princess had heard enough. "Move. Let's go. Misato, if you would accompany me? We do not punish children one-on-one in this house, to prevent tempers from becoming overheated."

The lavender haired warrior nodded, "Yeah. Good plan. Until we all get some parenting experience under our belts, probably for the best."

Nozomi stomped her foot, "I am _not_ a child!" The arguments for or against her assertion aside, she was rather demonstrably portable. Nicolette, having had enough of watching Shinji's face continue to fall, scooped up the protesting child and hauled her kicking and screaming invectives towards where she would likely spend the next several hours reassessing her actions and getting more help for what had been a very traumatic day.

"If you'll excuse me," he had to walk away. If he didn't, right at that moment, he wasn't sure whether he'd snap and start howling about how his world continued to crumble, or just begin to cry. Either way, too many people in that room depended on him exuding strength. Making his way downstairs to the exercise-slash-laundry area, he walked over to the lone punching bag and focused on it instead of everything else.

A light tap, barely enough to dent sand, set the bag to swaying. Back and forth, forward and back, the action easily reminding him of how any progress he made was never enough. He'd push forward, but like the ocean itself, everything moved right back to where he'd started from. Slowly increasing the pace of his taps against the bag, he set it to dancing and swaying. Practicing his footwork as his mind wandered, he recalled a life spent as a Nak Muay Farang. It was a melancholy memory, perfect to work through the sorrow that was building. Instead of focusing on the explosive power he had, it allowed him to practice restraint. His kru, who in this life would hardly recognize him, was himself a giant, forever reminding him that 'if you do it wrong, you can kill somebody'. An accidental death had started his kru on the journey where they'd met, had led them both to a friendship that lasted far too short a time. A combination of punches, then a knee strike, and finally a standing side kick brought a small chuckle to his lips, "When did four decades become 'short'…."

 _This was a good decision,_ Ireul sat on one of the nearby exercise bikes. _Taking a break, letting your anger vent. Kyoko would have come with me, but she's far too eager still to leech out that anger, and does not want to remove your ability to adapt as needed._

"They're afraid," he decided against speaking in his mind, preferring the distraction of vocalizing his thoughts for the moment. "Yinghua-chan is afraid that she's being replaced by Rei. Nozomi-chan is afraid of losing another man she's been relying on. The others…they're afraid too. But they can handle it. The children? They can't. They don't know how. They didn't _choose_ to be a part of my life."

 _Which is why this anger is valid, and not a reaction to other stressors,_ the Aspect of Terror agreed. _Your anger from earlier, where you were accused of being a threat, that situation was muddled. Your anger for your fellow pilot, how she is mentally unwell? Valid. Your anger for the shard of Lilith, now given life once more but blinded? Valid. What you are feeling has validity. The actions you take now, as I said, are good. You could be outside causing another hole to appear in the skies above you._

Catching the bag and resting his head against it, he groaned, "This is too much for any one person, Iri. I…I'm going to make mistakes. I can't even keep two little girls happy!" Spinning about to face the Aspect he spoke louder than he intended, "What the hell am I doing thinking that-" Stopping himself and bunching his fists together, he pressed his thumbs against his forehead, "Calm. I need to be calm. Can or can't don't matter. I just…I need…."

"My apologies, Ikari-sama," the voice of Fuuka sounded from the base of the stairs, "I…apologize for disturbing you…."

Wondering what had happened upstairs that everyone lost track of the one woman he'd asked to be kept from him, Shinji swallowed his irritation as best as he could, "It's no bother, Fuuka-san. Remember…please," lowering his hands, he let his fatigue show in his smile, "just Shinji. The only people that might be called Ikari-sama in the world are up there. I…would much prefer to never accept such a lofty title as my own." Straightening his shirt, he slid his hands in his pockets, "What can I do for you?"

Her approach slowed, fear and anxiety written on her features, "Your…young…. Horaki-chan and Xu-chan, I apologize I am unaware of their relation to you."

Wishing he himself knew the answer to that question, he shrugged, "We normally just call them 'Team Rainbow'. They bring sunshine wherever there's rain…normally." Guilt pressed down on his mind, and he looked away, "When people aren't frightening them with things they shouldn't have ever been exposed to."

"May I…may I admit a truth that is…perhaps less socially acceptable to speak upon?" She was within reach when he looked back, if they both extended their arms they could hold hands. Ireul, watching her curiously, happened to be equidistant. Many little facts climbed to Shinji's attention as he beheld the troubled beauty, though of all of them her naturally amber-colored eyes were the most interesting. When he nodded, once, those portals softened noticeably, "From what I…overheard, her presence in your life has come at a great cost. Her…father, treated her in a manner I believe to be…less than polite. He ignored…or was unable to prevent…. From hearing her speak to the lovely woman who has been asked to speak with me regarding my own childhood, I am ashamed to say that I am grateful I have lived my own life, instead of hers."

Shinji blinked, trying to make that statement flow properly. _She would rather have had her every move controlled than have a brother who ignored her? Who probably hit her…. I guess mental abuse might be easier to take for some people, though the grass is always greener over the septic system._ "I wish neither of you had the life you've had. As much as I'd miss having Yinghua-chan in my life, I'd rather her family were alive, well, and treating her with respect and dignity instead of scaring her stiff like I seem to be."

"That would be wonderful, for her," Fuuka nodded, pleased to find a point of common ground. "It might be…unwelcome to say, but I hope that whatever husband she finds is able to overcome the memories of her brother's actions. It is odd…and again, please forgive me for the ill-mannered topic but I find myself uncertain of how to best assist her, and it is quite evident to any with eyes that you wish to assist her to the best of your ability. She has experience in matters that I have yet to undergo, yet I am near a decade her senior. The thought of a man touching me so…without my permission…. I am grateful that you are not the type of man to inspire such feelings of-" Cutting off as Shinji's hand raised to silence her, her eyes widened in surprise.

He was thick witted at times, he knew he was. He missed relevant clues all the time as to what people were talking about. He missed people flirting with him, or people being happy with him. All around, 'awkward' was a good word for him. He did not, however, believe he would have missed someone 'touching' either of the young children in his care. "Who touched her, and how."

"Her brother," confusion was no longer hidden but written plain across her face, "from what she said during our time with the lovely woman from the Shirakami…I apologize I was under the mistaken impression that you had been told, I…I…."

He knew rage was slathered all over him, he knew this because Kyoko was now latched onto his side hugging him close and trying for all she was worth to stifle it enough to save the Manor. When he spoke next, even he was terrified of the sound of his voice, "How did he touch her?"

Conditioning kicked in, and with perfect poise she bowed in deepest regret, "In…in a manner unbefitting a brother. In those places upon her person my mother demanded upon my person remain untouched before my husband sees fit to do so."

A series of mistakes can lead to situations in which the normally impossible becomes possible. The right brick falling at the right time can, much as Rube Goldberg might have designed, lead to someone winning the lottery or losing everything. The mistakes, in this instance, were a series of conversations he had participated in where several people in his life had intimated that things were 'unsatisfactory' between Toji Suzuhara and Sakura. At no point, however, had anyone mentioned exactly how depraved 'unsatisfactory' had reached. Nobody had told him who he had been defending. Nobody had told him the extent of the victimization he'd overlooked. Gripping the shoulder, at the upper arm, of the young woman bowing before him, Shinji urged her upright intending to thank her for speaking to him on the matter and setting in motion the next series of tragic mistakes.

The feel of bonding another brought with it a pair of extreme emotional reactions. For Fuuka, there was far too much to process all at once, and as her mind switched off to defend itself against the deluge of sensations she fell limp into the grasp of a man that was at the other pole of the emotional spectrum. Rage, hotter than the core of the galaxy he resided within, turned cold. Scooping up the latest victim of his inability to control his emotions, he shook off Kyoko and walked hurriedly upstairs, past everyone, towards one of the unused bedrooms. Leaving the door open, he set her upon the bed, covered her over with a sheet, and turned back to the door. The woman standing there, a woman he'd loved in many a lifetime, had wide eyes and no words to speak. " _Get_ _out_."

Nanako quickly backed up, allowing him to exit and shut the door to ensure the soundproofing would prevent what was spoken of from reaching Fuuka. The club owner, not believing Shinji guilty of anything, asked quietly, "What happened?"

Looking on her for the first time he could remember with honest anger, he simply stated, "You failed. Me. Her. This family." Moving past the stunned and confused woman that would kill for him, he approached the main living area, _Ritsuko, I need you to go into what used to be the first spare room on the west side of the house. It's Fuuka's now. She fainted, make certain she's ok._ Reaching the area beneath the television in the main sitting area, he leaned against the glass and watched the tiny lives flitting about, unaware of the greater world beyond their watery kingdom. He could feel the Aspects growing more and more nervous, the pressure in the air around the Manor growing thicker.

 _Ok,_ the former blonde moved out of the kitchen with the same concern everyone else had watching him stand before the fish tank, looking at those still seated. _What happened?_

 _Who knew?_ A nearby pale green fish caught his eye. A long, sinuous creature with coloration that stood out in sharp contrast to everything in the aquarium around it, _About what Suzuhara did?_ Being angry at everyone made no sense. It was doubtful _everyone_ knew. If he was the only idiot that didn't know, the only person that was kept ignorant….

 _Shinji, we'll talk later. Right now I'm helping Hikari stop Nozomi from hurting herself._ Misato's own frustrations were evident, _It's my fault. It doesn't matter who else knew, I could have told you earlier. Just…please, take a few breaths. Let me handle one thing at a time._

 _Ironic choice of words. Who_ didn't _know?_ Turning back around and facing the room, and those few people in it, he quickly scanned those faces present for clues. _Anyone?_

 _Pup,_ Maya hurried out of the bedroom they supposedly shared, where she'd been discussing Suzuka's recent dilemmas, _please. This isn't something any of us have gone around just talking about with one another._

"Right," switching to vocal communication to include the woman he was very angry with, Shinji's hard glare stopped Maya from approaching closer, "because 'talking' is something she might have needed to be doing. With professionals. Who I would have paid for. _From a different house_." He knew his fists were balled tight, but couldn't get them to release, "The best thing for her is to be somewhere else, _Kitten_. Because now _my_ problems have become _her_ problems. I can't get a therapist past the gates. Doesn't look great on the CV, I hear. And let's all be pretty honest about this, a therapist wouldn't go remiss for nearly every soul in this house, human or otherwise. She's terrified I'm going to replace her, because she was brought into my life _by me_ so that I could make up for what I can only think to describe as grossly inadequate living conditions. And now, I can only _assume_ at the insistence of the therapist that spoke to her after yesterday, she's hearing that perhaps this house isn't the right situation for her at the moment and in the mind of a child that's been orphaned, and let's not forget _sexually abused,_ 'at the moment' is all she's able to conceive of."

Everyone followed his gaze over to Nanako, who looked down as the weight of crimes she hadn't known she was committing dropped on top of her, "I thought you knew about her past." Nodding in agreement, she kept her voice lowered, "The therapist recommended that she enter a more stable environment away from…. She also recommended that Nozomi-chan join her, in order to better accommodate their specific needs at this time. It's _only_ a recommendation, though. There's no legal force, no binding obligation. I don't know how she heard it. I'm sorry, Shinji-kun."

"I'm going to request you blow your apology out your ass, Nana-chan." Heat began to build again as his control faded, "I asked you, specifically, to keep Fuuka away. There is, approximately, five hundred and ten million square kilometers available on Earth that are not what I would reasonably describe as 'near me'. Less than two days later, she's bonded to me for all time. Yet another victim allowed to come to harm by my hand because I relied on the wrong person to handle a simple task."

Suzuka understood, better than most, his frustrations. She saw in his eyes the exact same pain she felt as he lie bleeding, as her wife lie choking, as she'd carried an innocent into a battle she'd nearly lost…as her children almost died for their mother's weakness. "Dear heart, there is a meeting this morning between the Shirakami and Kinyama. Keeping her at the Blue Crane would not have been wise, and Nanako-chan was the only person available to bring back the little ones."

"Right," he gestured to the front door, "because I don't have an army sitting outside with their thumbs up their ass waiting for something to do that doesn't involve threatening my life. This," jabbing his thumb against his chest, he tried not to keep going, "this is what you signed up for. Everything, _everything_ , falls apart because I can't control myself. Because I'm the backstop for all of the most idiotic things that happen when I'm not paying attention to stop them from happening. If I don't try and fix Idunn, if I take the offer to just let her be, I'm not stabbed in the chest, Maya's throat isn't crushed, Nozomi isn't in her room right now scared out of her mind and lashing out at the world, you aren't thrown into an unnecessary fight where our children are put at risk, and Fuuka's free to get some actual fucking help instead of having her life torn from her grasp just as she gets her feet placed under her. And I _still_ can't manage to keep my shit together! I'm standing here ranting like a lunatic, because the past two fucking days have been a nonstop kick in _our_ faces! Like I'm the only one suffering!" Turning on his heel he stalked towards the door, "Welcome home, Rei. You, at least, still have the option to find someplace sane to exist."

As the door slammed behind him, he left in his wake a group of pained women, surrounded by Aspects who couldn't help but feel as if that explosion had been too long in coming. Into the stunned silence, Ireul spoke for the half of his being that wasn't Lilin, "This morning alone, he has found that he has no ability to assist this version of Asuka. He has had his life threatened by the Commander of Charlie Company, for simply worrying about his youngest charges. He has discovered that a woman he loves was returned to him, only to be stricken blind for reasons we cannot fathom. He has discovered that a child he loves more than any other has suffered indignities that he knows all too well. He has been forced to take another wife, against his wishes and against good sense and judgement. This, my fellow wives, was all this morning. I can feel resentment in some of your hearts, not all of you are guilty of keeping the straw which broke his back hidden. I would simply ask, in his stead, that perhaps each of you consider what value secrets hold, and how he holds none from any of you."

"I would say he didn't need to yell…." Maya replied gently, "But honestly he didn't need to yell at himself, more than he didn't need to yell at us. Wasn't a part of yesterday's changes that he wasn't going to be so hard on himself?"

"It's a process," the one-eyed Aspect replied. "Kyoko made her best effort to forestall this, between her and Ramiel's newfound partnership with Suzuka the house still stands. Whether you accept his eventual apology or not, you all know he will give you one. For now, let us clean what we can of the mess that has arisen so that he does not have to."

+++++ Author's Notes:

Blackplant: RE: Shinji's direction.

His growth is about to be fairly explosive.

TheHiddenLettuce:

RE: Rei.

She kind of had to change a bit, and I'm going to be taking my time with developing her character and it's place in the story.

RE: Noelle.

Trying not to boof that landing, let me tell you.

Huagh: RE: Rei.

Ish.

origamishishou:

RE: Heart love.

Glad you're enjoying the story, my friend.

SaintAscalon:

RE: Praises.

Thank you, I'm glad you're enjoying the tale. Also glad that you powered through as much as I've put down so far. It's growing constantly, I fear.

RE: Sailor Senshi.

Heh…heh heh….


	140. Chapter 140

+++++ 15th Angel + 6: Wednesday, November 30th (125)

Standing at an intersection, well away from the Manor, Shinji looked around and tried to remember how he'd managed to make it past the guards or patrols without raising some sort of alarm. Some of the anger had been worked free by the run, and as much as he hated himself for it, some had been burnt away by snapping at the women he loved. They worked so hard, trying to help him fix the problems. They'd taken action when Nozomi acted out. They'd taken action when Sakura showed that she was in pain. He wasn't alone, anymore. Looking around once more, he sighed, "Then why does it sometimes feel like I am?"

A quick pulse of music drew his attention, his eyes suddenly recognizing the nearby hill as sacred. The song became a lure, hope growing in his heart as he leapt up the stairs eight at a time. Passing through the gates at a more sedate pace, not wishing to be rude or uncivil, he made his way to the shrine without delay, no longer lonely, and to those that had somehow sensed his presence. Their call undeniable, their friendship unbreakable. As he fell to his knees before them, alone and ashamed, he was bowled over onto his back in a group hug by five more dead women who loved him terribly.

"Shin-Shin, you are late!" Twin tails shook with righteous fury as Usagi batted at his chest ineffectually with both fists, "Making us wait like this! Shame! Shame, shame, shame!"

Somehow, his head ended up in Rei Hino's lap, her fingers slowly combing out his hair, "He has been rather busy, Your Highness. Phobos and Deimos tried to make sure that he came here straight away, as soon as things grew to be too much for him."

"Of course they're too much for him!" Ami carefully took his pulse in one wrist, "He's all alone, because _someone_ didn't want to tie him to us for all time!"

Makoto Kino lifted Usagi off his chest so that everyone could speak to him without going around her, "Turns out the Second Silver Millennium got canceled anyway. All that effort, wasted."

Minako began gently soothing his nerves along his torso, enjoying the musculature under her palm, "It's not his fault. He's trying his best, and doesn't have us around to show him how best to fight. Because _someone_ refused to listen to reason."

"…Someone listened to the will of the universe," Usagi sighed, shifting once again away from the bubbly teen he remembered towards the royal divinity she was. "If I had bonded him to us, he would have replaced another who we…. There…were, now, realities out there where Mamoru Chiba did not betray us. Where he and I ruled until our daughter was fit to stand on her own. By tying our star-crossed lover to us…." She looked to her companions, "You know that we cannot undo the past. Do not make me spend what little time we have with him engaging in endless apologies."

"It is a bitter pill to swallow," Rei Hino spoke into the pause, "that the only man worthy of my love is denied to me for the moment." Smiling with maudlin regrets down into his upturned gaze, she shook her head, "Perhaps, should you succeed, there will yet again be realities out there where a simple boy creates the most aggravatingly complex tangles in my heart."

"I'd prefer he makes tangles in my sheets," Minako giggled.

Laughter and teasing jibes followed the pronouncement of the distant cousin of Love, giving even Shinji a smile as he listened to five old friends spar verbally with one another. The Rei back at his house was nothing like the Rei holding his head, and yet both seemed to love him dearly despite his…. Perhaps he'd eventually have this kind of storied friendship with-

 _Shinji dear, you'll forgive me for seeming slightly jealous as I find my recently acquired lover lying down surrounded by youth and beauty instead of spending time with me, but were you going to introduce the woman you sometimes call 'your wife' in moments of intimate honesty to who I feel correct in terming 'not your wives'?_

Shinji's jaw clenched, the relaxation he'd been moving towards shattered as the voice of a dead woman spoke in his mind, "Kyoko-"

"You would be incorrect," Ami glared at the spirit, interrupting Shinji. "In many wonderful, happy, lives I was married to this man. That I was murdered before we could meet in this one does not prevent the union of our souls from being legitimate."

Minako smirked, unimpressed, "She looks like her, it's not surprising she acts like her too."

"Now, now," Makoto waved off the problem, "let's not start fighting the woman that was lucky enough to trip over what was stolen from us."

It was Usagi's response that surprised Shinji the most, "He does not answer to you, Kyoko Zeppelin Soryu. He serves _Us._ " Exuding an aura of pure power, she walked around his body to stand between him and the raven-haired spirit, "He came here at Our call. He came here to seek a peace that you and every other person back at that terrible house denies him. He came here to grieve for what has been stolen from that precious child, to rage at what was stolen from _him_ , and to seek guidance on how he can save everyone. He was _Our_ champion before you even knew he existed, and he will be _Our_ champion long after you have grown weary of this world."

"He serves no one." Shimmering into being, Lilith stood by Kyoko, now wearing a pure white version of the dress Shinji had gifted her, "He certainly does not serve _parasites_." Glowering at the five ladies before her, she pushed back with her own presence, "He is beyond even me, and I existed long before your misbegotten race found what shreds of freedom _he_ gives any of you." Looking at him with pity, she smiled with regret, "I wish you had told me who the five I could not see was, Pet. I would have spared you some heartache by telling you the truth about these… _supposed_ humans."

"Is there no peace for me?" Clenching his eyes shut, Shinji rolled himself up to a seated position and lost the affectionate touches he'd been receiving, "Lily…." A few things clicked into place, "Wait." Logic, doing a far better job of defusing the backwash of anger, demanded he pursue something that confused him, "If they're dead…."

The elder being smirked, once more pleased that the man she'd chosen wasn't a complete idiot, "They aren't of me, Lover. They're _his_. They could no more return to my Ocean than Rose could. They _can_ , however, engage in subtle and distinct control over my children. Including you, in various lives. Things like, for example, steering them towards places they wanted them to be, or _away_ from places they wanted them to avoid. Some even use it to hunt-"

"We were hunted by _your_ children, despite our vow to protect them from the evils of reality," Rei Hino stood, moving back to Shinji. "I told you not to trust any of the shadows. You know us, you know that we're not inclined towards evil."

"You were happy, with us," Usagi agreed. "You weren't suffering, you weren't abused, you weren't lost."

"You _were_ a slave," Lily countered.

"His mind was free," Minako's scowl fit her poorly. "He served us willingly, fought by our side willingly, and came to our beds willingly."

"He'd rather be there, where there was happiness offered to him without venomous barbs," Ami supported her friends.

 _' The mind is its own place', _Kyoko quoted, ' _and in itself can make a heav'n of hell , a hell of heav'n'._

"They are playing with powers that will continue to unmake reality," Rei urged him to stop listening. "They would force you to fight against us!"

"There is no 'you', spirit," Lily sighed. "You're dead. There is no more reincarnation for you, without your fellow ticks and leeches coming here to retrieve your spirit. When my body awoke, the first thing I did was purge the impurities of my Seed ship. I was never going to allow you to turn my children into mindless sheep. A lasting peace built on slavish obedience to _his_ children? I would _never_ accept that."

Usagi became furious, "So you'll force _my_ people to worship Shinji instead?!"

She rolled her eyes, "I will not force anyone to do anything, I told him that myself. The one you should convince is already wondering what _you_ never told him. You'll find that today's been a bad day to keep secrets, little rabbit."

"Rabbit…." The series of visions he'd had recently rolled across his conscious thought, _Arael._

Alighting on his shoulder, the White Raven contemplated the five Sailors, _Yes, Wanderer?_

He carefully considered his words, "Is Usagi-chan telling the truth? Is she afraid that those of her people who remain, out amongst the stars, would worship me instead of her?"

 _Her Kingdom's power is built upon the worship she receives. Without the support of others of her race, she is powerless. It comes from their innate telepathy, as a species._ Tilting her head slightly, she considered Rei, _That one is far more adept at it, her visions more accurate._

"So…like on Rose's world it's a quirk of biology that means changes must be made to survive," he frowned to Kyoko. "I can't condemn a species for existing as it must. The Moon Kingdom was never hostile to Earth, they never sought dominion." There was something more, something he was missing, "I came here for a reason."

"Because we offer you peace, my dearest husband," Rei ran her hand along his back, just as she knew he preferred. "It is no weakness to seek out shelter in a storm, to weather the worst of things so that you can retain your strength to pick up again afterwards. The Dark Millennium, remember?"

Kyoko, praying that he would recall the classics that versions of her daughter must have pounded into his head, continued, _'… and by a sleep, to say we end the heart-ache, and the thousand natural shocks that Flesh is heir to?'_

Shinji's heart hurt, as thinking of setting down his burdens was tempting. Allowing everything and everyone to suffer for a time, to wait and strike when it was _convenient_. To eschew every bit of misery that was his due, to look to the sky and accept what would come. To wait for someone else to handle it until he was stronger. "Soft you now, the fair Kyoko? Nymph, in thy Orisons be all my sins remember'd." There was no place for him. Not on Earth, not in Heaven…. He hated himself as he did what he must, and turned to face the five who'd never done anything but try and help the universe be happier, "I will find your people, Princess. I will tell them where they may find you, so that they may restore you back to the galaxy."

"We will not let you bring darkness to reality, Shinji," the blonde's eyes carried pain that matched his own. "If we have to oppose you to deliver peace to the galaxy…we will."

His heart shattered as he nodded and broke yet another chain that bound him, "Though I love you all, that is true of both of us, Great Lady. I will not allow any one people to covet all of Creation, and if I must reign in Hell to do so…I will never serve in Heaven." Turning away, he walked past the women who'd come to bring him to his senses, those wolves that growled at the trespasser. With his Raven upon his shoulder, and two-toned tears trailing from his eyes, he set aside the last refuge possible for his weakness. A Wanderer, after all, had no place he called home.

+++++ 15th Angel + 6: Wednesday, November 30th (125)

"Well…in the end it was unacceptable," Hikari stated simply. "We knew, he did not. We kept him ignorant because we worried at burdening him with her history, and that blew up in our faces. His statement, to hear you repeat it, matches perfectly with what the counselor hired by Auntie Xu recommended. What we do now does not change what we've done. An apology is the least we can offer him, the most is to find a path forward for those harmed by our error."

Yang, thankful that her new baby sister was asleep after wailing broken-hearted that she'd be taken from 'home', sat slumped in her chair staring at a nebulous point on the ceiling above the dining room table, "Remember when algebra was the low point of the day? I do."

"I also remember when we both had some small amount of affection for a child molester," The Princess stated plainly, "our situation has improved somewhat since those dark days. I need you to focus, Yang. You are intended to be The Diplomat, there is a way forward here that we need to find and it does not involve going 'all in' on one side or the other. Shinji is not incorrect in that we have made a grievous error, but I do not believe that the situation is so irredeemable that we can't recover this."

Blowing out a heavy sigh, she eyed her friend, "Tsuru slept with Lilith."

The information found its place in her stack of troubles, "That helps explain Rei-chan. We'll want to broach that carefully when he returns. Iri is not incorrect in that secrets are going to be timebombs in our marriage, the fewer we keep lying around, the better we'll all be."

"…You don't seem to be that upset about her doing that."

"It's not ideal, it's not unforgivable. _I_ want to sleep with Lily, she's gorgeous and she oozes sensuality. We'll reassert our expectations, try to make certain what we consider acceptable and what we don't, and be grateful that our husband will soon likely do the same as Tsuru did." Dismissing the topic for the moment, she glanced back to the main room, "How are we going to fit Fuuka in to everything…. She needs help, but any physical romance is going to likely scare the daylights out of her."

"I doubt Shinji's going to so much as kiss her, Hiki," Yang shifted upright in the chair. "He's livid that she was joined to us."

Her eyes flicked back to the leggy waitress, "I meant affection with anyone else. You remember what it was like before you and he did anything, we'll need to explain that to her. Besides, if they end up doing anything it will be between them. I'm done attempting to police who enters this relationship. It didn't start well, it didn't end well, but it _is_ ended. He'll make smart decisions, when possible, and we'll make the most of circumstances beyond our control, like with Fuuka-chan." Standing, she decided that action was better than contemplation, "Give some thought as to how we can balance everyone's needs, Yang. You're more capable than I am, in some ways, because you don't let your emotions rule you like I do. I'm going to go speak with our new family member."

+++++ 15th Angel + 6: Wednesday, November 30th (125)

"Here you are, Ikari-san," Yumi placed a service before her guest containing a selection of teas and crackers. Stroking her belly with a lopsided smile, she shrugged, "It's what I use, when he gets uppity."

The elegant swordswoman inclined her head gratefully, "Thank you…. Please…just Suzuka." Picking up one of the teabags and preparing her drink, she kept her voice calm despite the pain in her heart, "I believe that we both understand what has been, why it was inappropriate, and that in any other set of circumstances it would have invariably been fatal for someone. Instead…perhaps we should both be grateful that each of the men whose child one or the other of us carries loves us as he does. I wish you, and your son, nothing but the best of health."

"If there's ever anything I can do to help, I will," the former actress stated eagerly. "I appreciate that you're wanting to move forward, but I don't want you to think that I'm taking that for granted. I stole from you, his decision or not, and I want my son to have a mother he can be proud of…not someone who hurts others and doesn't do what she can to make it right."

"Then his mother will be a wise woman indeed," picking up one of the crackers while her tea steeped, she sat back and chewed idly. "What you are about to hear, once Nanako-chan brings in those two wastrels, needs strict confidence. I do not doubt Suzuki-san has retained his senses enough to teach you when to hold your tongue, but this of anything is too important to allow to leak."

The door opening cut into whatever response might have been uttered, "…his fault! I made a mess of it, Gen, and I will not hear another word about it. I don't know what possessed me to bring her with me, considering we could have left her with any number of people had I actually turned my brain on this morning." Purposefully seating herself at the head of the table, claiming the position that would direct the conversation, Nanako glared at both men, "I earned every cross word he gave me. We are making this up to him."

The bald-headed warrior held up his hands to motion for peace, "I intended that to mean that perhaps this external force compelled you to your action, dear. I have no doubt in my heart that the lad did not wish for this to happen, nor that he was speaking from anything but pain and frustration. I see how he looks at you, and it is not the look of a man with contempt in his soul. I am comforted to know that-"

Slapping her hand down on the table, the club owner glared death at her husband, "Don't you start on-"

"Peace, Nanako, please," Suzuki barked out. "We don't have long before we're due back at the negotiations. Whatever we're doing here, let's be about it so that it's done properly." Taking a seat by his wife, he inclined his head with due respect for his ex-wife, "Suzuka-san. I am pleased that you and your children are unharmed. I do not dare consider what he would do to the world should that have ended differently."

"He would walk it, with a heavier heart and more pain," the refined eternal replied simply. "He would not kill Yumi, and your son, out of mad grief."

Nanako seized on that to steer things forward, "But he _does_ have far too much grief in his heart. Every day is another three things piling up on him! The one thing he needs most, time to process things, is something we can't offer him. Sitting at this table are some of the most talented business minds in the Shirakami. We, each of us, traffic in things every day that improves the lives of the people who live under our protection. Do we have _nothing_ we can offer him to make his life easier?"

Silently standing, Yumi moved to begin offering refreshments to the others. She knew she wasn't included in Nanako's statement, and didn't view her badly for it. She was a failed actress, without even a supporting role on a community theater stage to show for her ambitions. Before Suzuki saved her, she'd made peace with life being miserable. Now, she just hoped that Shinji could rediscover the joy she'd seen possible. His burdens were far greater than her own, and she'd do whatever she could to help, but this wasn't her fight.

"We can gather intel on the enemy forces," Suzuki mused. "Knowing when the next attack would occur would help him find balance. Knives in the dark don't post schedules, and tracking down these new armaments has been challenging on its own."

"He doesn't want for much," Gen agreed. "If he had time, he might spend more of it playing his instruments, or lavishing it on his wives. I've not heard a one of you complain that he's inattentive, when he has the opportunity to attend you."

"Consideration is not one of his shortcomings," Suzuka stated primly. Her condition was evidence enough of her regard for his affection. "Too often, in truth, the opposite is an issue. I will not speak out of both sides of my mouth, but he has a great many obligations that he feels deserve his attention. We have parceled out those we can amongst ourselves, and still he seeks to perform the housework. He will not hear of sitting idle in conversation with someone he must speak with, when work is to be done."

Yumi swallowed a cross remark, knowing that Suzuka likely already knew what she would say. Her husband, as good a man as he was, was not as good as Shinji in taking care of his 'fair share'. Dishes remained unwashed, clothes unhung, and always his shoes where they didn't belong! The opposite was the problem in this case, she knew, but the comparison was amusing if nothing else.

"So we offer help to his wives, then," Nanako leaned forward, "he can't be in the house all day. If he is, we find a way to draw him out. Hire maids, people we vet thoroughly, and tell them to get the house in order. I can't see you putting up with slobs, Suzuka," she rolled her hand expectantly, "the house can't get _that_ dirty."

"If it sits undone as he sees it, he takes care of it himself." Shrugging helplessly, the powerful warrior sipped her tea, "We would need live-in maids, and to train him to stop acting like a butler."

"Adding more women for him to bond, accidentally," Suzuki shook his head. "To say nothing of making him feel as if he was having the joy of servitude taken from him." Smiling in gratitude to his wife, he touched her hand as she set his tea before him.

 _Is it joy_? Yumi wondered to herself, _Or is it just what's familiar?_ Remembering that brief time in high school where she'd met Nanako's elder cousin, where he'd shown her that 'familiar' wasn't necessarily 'best for you', she kept placing drinks.

"Is he burning out, or are these frustrations from the problems simply overwhelming him?" Gen looked to the wife of the man in question, "A little of both?"

Nanako groaned, drawing everyone's attention, "More like a lot of both. What I saw in him is the same thing I see from any CEO that's just come across information that's going to tank their business prospects for the next five years. He sees the end point, but he's dreading everything that's coming between now and then. We need to get him through the crisis, everything after the beasts finish attacking will be a matter of me sitting on his lap until he opens up."

"Speaking on his pains is something of a challenge for him, and she is not incorrect. My husband hates burdening others with his troubles, and if I were to guess I would say that he believes his problems immutable. He eats what is on his plate, only to have some unseen server fill it again. As there is no end to the grievances of this world, I do not believe he thinks that there is a bright spot on the horizon for him to approach." Suzuka set her cup down, "We did not help the situation by warring amongst ourselves."

An idea came to Yumi, and she voiced it with a great deal of hesitation, "Have…you spoken to someone about what's bothering you?" Four sets of eyes shifted to her, and she began to speak more rapidly to try and defend herself, "It's just hard sometimes when I don't know what's going on with Suzi-kun, and I've found that it helps when I go speak to Xuefan-san. She's often in the dark as to what he's doing too, that security of operations thing you mention, but just talking to her about how I'm afraid something's going to happen helps me out. She's not living in the house with me, which means I'm not in the house when I'm talking, it's…just a thought…."

Three sets of eyes shifted back to Suzuka, who sighed as she realized the rather practical advice that had come from the least likely source, "No. We do not tend to speak on our troubles with others outside of our house. There are many things that have yet to be revealed to the world at large, and trust is at something of a premium. Even the most trustworthy outsider remains an outsider, and much of what we would say risks too much to expose to anyone who does not share our suffering."

"Perhaps you should sit on _their_ laps, dear," Gen looked back to his wife. "I will search out a money manager to take your place, on those days and times where you can speak to them. 'A happy wife makes for a happy life', they say. If we cannot help him to relax, perhaps we can ease the pressure building around him instead?"

"Suzuka, my _dear_ friend," Nanako's gaze went flat, "why haven't you come and spoken to me? I have done what I can to 'share your suffering' since the day he picked up the phone on the train. I have done what I could to share _your_ suffering since the day we met. Am I so untrustworthy?"

Daring where most sane men would not, Suzuki spoke softly, "It was not a hallmark of our marriage that either of us communicated our problems to others. I, and I alone, was her only true confidant. I would assume, based on my own bad habits, that she has kept this trend moving now that she has a better man to confide in." Reaching blindly and taking his wife's hand, he concluded with, "I am fortunate that my wife is both wise, and thoughtful. Perhaps I should take her advice for myself."

Shocked, and barely able to cover over that fact, the 'failed' actress smiled prettily, "It's just…what an old friend told me I should consider doing myself." Her heart swelled with hope as she prayed that her plan might help in some small way. After all, Yu would only have ever asked that she try her hardest to help those in need, no matter how impossible it might seem to help.

+++++ 15th Angel + 6: Wednesday, November 30th (125)

An inability to see was, Rei had found, a truly unforgiving ailment. The subtle signals that humans gave when they spoke, the ways in which they contradicted their words with their thoughts, the lies that they failed to hide, so much of her ability with language and communication had been stolen from her. Her studies, however, had led her to recognizing the 'gift' that came with the 'loss'. Her decision to sit, silent and still, to avoid knocking into anyone or toppling anything over with blind clumsiness, meant that members of the household seemed to forget she was present at times. An oddity, in her opinion, as not many blind, bluenette, albinos could be considered 'invisible' when seated on what she remembered to be a black sofa. She should be sticking out like a bent nail, and yet….

The current speaker, Nicolette, displayed signs of nervous energy and self-loathing. Her suitability for Shinji was lower than most, if based on her personality traits. Overcompensating for those flaws, she exuded confidence she did not truly feel and was fond of thinking in absolute terms. "He's not going to like hearing it, but one of us needs to at least tell him that the closure he'll get will be important."

Akane, a woman she was more familiar with, had her typical blunt aggressiveness out. She might not have been Rei's first choice as a mate for Shinji, but she was far from the worst option. Her forthright nature would give him confidence that he was either acting appropriately, or he would be told when he failed to. "I'm not going to say anything more than that Gendo Ikari is leaving tomorrow, forever. What he chooses to do with that information is his decision. It's his history he'll face, not mine."

That Gendo was leaving filled her with confused impulses. The traitor deserved punishment, and a not inconsiderable part of her desired that punishment to come from her own hand. He would have burned everything to the ground to return a woman who abandoned her own child. In so doing, he would have abandoned her…the child who replaced his own. Regardless of what came of humanity, his own needs before those of the generation in his care, he truly was not a man worthy of calling himself Shinji's father. Yet, despite her deep-seated contempt for him, there remained…. It was not loyalty, he had burned that to the ground. Was it familiarity? She had known him her entire life. Both lives. And now, in her third attempt at avoiding the reaper, she had yet to hear his voice. It was a fresh start, a clean break. Whatever he had been, whatever he might become…he was no longer a part of her life. "I believe he would prefer to not linger over the matter," she spoke softly. "As ill-content as he has been, there is little to be gained by insisting he rile himself up further."

The moment of awkward silence she was rewarded with furthered her theory that she had become invisible. It bore further experimentation, as there would be all sorts of mischief she could accomplish with Shinji, doing so unnoticed.

+++++ 15th Angel + 6: Wednesday, November 30th (125)

"I'm not going to stop you, Lover, but I'm not entirely positive how great an idea this is." Sitting on the railing by Unit-02, Lilith gestured to Kyoko, "You already have one dead mother in your soul. The ability you gained from accepting my heritage has been acting…erratically. You could very well end up with another new passenger."

"Then I end up with another," he dismissed the warning. "I need to know what she knew. I am the only one who can interface with her at the moment, and because I'm not a complete idiot I'm going to ask the experts to help me." Looking to the German-Japanese Doctor, he drove on, "You said you heard me, when I touched the frame. That you became aware of my thoughts. What prevented you from speaking back?"

 _I screamed in the hopes that you would hear me,_ Kyoko rubbed her arms in discomfort at the memory. _I can't say why you didn't hear me. Maybe you didn't know you had to try? Maybe you just couldn't! I did, though, try to talk to you._

"An interface issue?" Turning back to Lily, he raised his eyebrow, "Can you act as a sort of bridge, without me getting in the entry plug?"

"Probably," the elder being shrugged. "The same issues arise, though. I might absorb her into my Ocean, you might absorb her into yours. Either way, this abomination becomes worthless except through…." Gritting her teeth, she looked down to her feet, "Eve…might interface better with both. This is based off of _his_ being. As is the core. I can interface with it, but she could control it."

Nodding slowly, he looked back up to the Eva, "I see." A number of thoughts circled his mind, the winner being the one involving the most discussion, "Kyoko, what would you think about me including Lily in our life, in the traditional human way? I agree with her concerns about bonding, weakening our ability to win right now is madness. But she has sacrificed not only of herself, but her pride, to help us win. If I don't meet that halfway, what message am I sending to any of you?"

 _It's sound reasoning,_ the spirit shrugged. _From what I've heard, your other wives said the decision was yours. So long as she understands that she's neither 'first' nor the most important, all I ask is that you remember what you just said. Don't weaken our ability to win, and meet us halfway._ Floating up to kiss his cheek, she pulled on his chin to turn his gaze upon her, _And don't forget that I need your lust too._

Nodding twice, he freed his chin from her grasp and thought through what was necessary to do everything that needed doing, "Eve is guarding Tabris. Sending you alone to guard him right now isn't the best idea." _Rose? Do you have a moment?_

The Captain's reply was full of fire and anger, _I swear, if you've managed to burn something else to the ground,_ [Song] _I will spank you_ so _hard._

His eye began to hurt, _Well, my day's been filled with discovering my teammate is coming apart at the seams, being threatened by a member of my own guard, finding out my newly-returned sister-mother-cousin-wife is blind, one of the children I'm sheltering has been molested by at least one of her family members, and I haven't even had breakfast yet. Oh, I've also directly threatened the ruler of the Moon Kingdom, whom I love deeply, as well as her four liege sworn, whom I also love deeply. And we have another new bondmate. Thanks for asking, I'm glad I had this chance to talk to the woman calling herself my_ [Song]. _Should I contact Amethyst instead?_

Kyoko's hand gently ran circles in the small of his back, taking small sips of his growing rage. Lilith, on the other hand, simply blew out her cheeks and tried not to make direct eye contact. He knew he'd need to apologize, but he was incredibly tired of reaching out to the women he was supposed to trust more than anyone else and being treated as an inconvenience.

Rose's reply was, while still full of anger, far less full of fire, _I've called a short recess. This trial is exposing more and more problems…my dearest_ [Song]. _Your_ [Song] _has her hands very busy at the moment, but she should not have abandoned her duty to you quite so flippantly. I promise, when I am done with what I am doing, I will make time to spend longer than a few minutes with you._

Gripping the railing and locking his elbows, he leaned forward and let his head drop, _I'm sorry for snapping too,_ [Song]. _This situation has gone from bad to worse, and please don't think I've forgotten my part in allowing it to happen. I will pay my penance to you, not only for risking my life, but risking our family and your crew. I owe a debt, I will pay it in full._

Sorrow replaced anger, but there was thick pride throughout, _Thank you. I'll pass your statement along to the crew, it will do wonders for morale right now. What can I do to help? You contacted me for a reason, and it wasn't just so we could both act like children._

He smiled, though it was heavily laden with fatigue, _I'm trying to contact Suzuhara-san in Unit-03's core. Lily admits that Eve would be a better choice to act as mediator, considering Unit-02 was designed around Adam. She's preventing Tabris from engaging in mischief, though, and I wanted to get your opinion on what I can do to keep everyone safe while I do this._

 _I have a security team present in the caverns that would be enough of an inconvenience to him that escape should be impossible. If Lilith is willing to trade places and act as a warning system, Eve should be able to leave for a short time to help you do what you need. Sixteen of my best fighters, armed for war, aren't something to ignore for anyone except you._ He could tell she'd heard someone say something, _I have to go, I'm sorry I didn't tell you that I had my people there too. We need to do better about communicating, and by 'we' I do mean to include myself._

His temper died, the talk having improved his mood, _I love you…my Desert Rose._

 _I am going to do things to you that should be illegal…. I'm going, before I forget duty._ The connection severed, the talk ended.

"Ok." Standing upright, he looked to the elder being to his side, "I trust you to know yourself best. If you think our safest course of action is bringing Eve here, then that's what we'll do. In exchange, so long as the world doesn't decide to kick me in the teeth again today, you and I are going to find a room where I can show you how grateful I am for what you have chosen to do."

"…I hate myself for saying this, but we'll see how you're feeling," as the last word left her mouth, the elder being vanished.

Kyoko floated up to wrap her arms around his neck, pulling him between her legs as she sat upon the catwalk's guardrail, _I'll need some time, myself. I've been drawing far too much, Mausbärchen. I think I like the way we handled the end of my anger last time…perhaps we could start with that and see how it goes._ Rolling herself against him slowly, she managed to combine sultry with vulnerable in a devastating way, _I wasn't ready to die. I'm not ready to die. I want to live…love, and have aggressively loud sex._

 _Not where people can see,_ he chided gently. _In my soul. Later, when I can dedicate a proper amount of time to you._

 _Nnn-nnn,_ she bit her lower lip and moaned her disagreement. _Now. Five seconds in the real world, however long that is in your soul. Hard, fast, and brutal. Make me scream your name. As a test, to see if that burns off the anger._

The decision as to whether or not to take her up on her offer was removed when an unfamiliar voice called over, "Paladin!" The clang-clang of heavy boots on metal sounded as a runner hurried towards him. Breathing like someone does who'd sprinted far too great a distance for their cardiovascular fitness level, the young man crouched himself forward as he came to a halt at a respectful distance, "Message…Pilot…."

Freeing himself from Kyoko, to the woman's ire, Shinji walked over and pulled the trainee upright, "Straighten your spine, breathe deeper. Hunching over and breathing rapidly will just hyperventilate you and then I'll have to carry you to medical." Forcing his impromptu patient to stand properly, he tilted his head, "Pilot Soryu collapsed?"

Nodding, still recovering his breath, the young man tapped his ear and forced out the important bits without the commensurate grammatical niceties, "Couldn't reach phone. Boss saw here."

"Faraday Cage in here, sometimes," he stated, instead of pointing out that he'd turned the device off. Patting the man on the shoulder he tipped his head in gratitude, "I'll take it from here. Expect to hear from Doctor Akagi and Lieutenant Colonel Ikari, at least. Without their authorization, nobody is to attempt treatment. Go." Including Kyoko in his mental call, he reached out to the woman that was most qualified, _Rits?_

The response was a few seconds in coming, long enough for the trainee to take off at a dead sprint, _Shinji? Where are you?_

He evaded the question for the more pressing concern, _Asuka just collapsed in her cell. This is a perfect opportunity for someone to make a move against her. I've asked that she not be treated by anyone without your authorization or Maya's. I need her on the road to recovery, can I trust you to handle that in cooperation with Amy?_

 _You went to see Asuka?_ There was surprise in her tone.

His tone darkened, _Is that really important right now? You have a patient, someone who I'm trying to help, that's collapsed due to fatigue and we've been attacked recently. Do I need to involve Temple, or will you be able to handle this?_

 _I'm already on the phone with Section Two. I_ can _multitask, after all. Stop acting like your father, and answer the woman who loves you, where are you?_

 _Unit-02. No, I did not go taunt the shell of my ally. I'm still very angry, and I'm trying not to make things worse than I did this morning. I called you because this is important, not only for me but for Kyoko. Can you handle this?_

Relief colored her reply, _Yes. Shinji, I respect what you did, taking time to yourself before you made things miserable for everyone. Life is taking a walking shit on us, and that would take a toll on anyone. Don't push us away…that's all I ask._

Spying Eve's arrival, he considered his response carefully, _I love you, Ritsuko._ Terminating the connection and blocking off contact, he walked over to stand by the vision of unearthly beauty, next to the vision of earthly beauty, "Thank you for coming. Long story short, I want to speak to Suzuhara-san. She's stuck in the core, just like Kyoko was. Can you help me do that, so that I don't accidentally bond her or hurt her?"

"Mmm…probably," her frown was heartachingly beautiful. "I don't want to accidentally lie, because nothing is certain with these twisted monstrosities, but so long as it reacts similarly to when Asuka was within it, there shouldn't be a major problem."

He could at least respect the honesty, "Then let's try. I want you back where you were as soon as possible. You're still our best chance at keeping Tabris from interfering more until it's time for me to rip his head open." Displaying his hands, he looked between her and the Eva, "What do I do?"

"One hand," she gently took his right, placing it just under and between her breasts, "here. The other," her fingers wiggled at where the armor was closest, "there. Then concentrate on speaking like you would to any of us. Just…think of the Eva when you do."

Bracing himself, his fears of the world deciding to complicate his life further threatening to overwhelm him, he clenched his left hand into a fist for a second, "I mustn't run away." Two deep breaths, "I mustn't run away." Shoving his hand onto Unit-02's frame as if he were grabbing onto a live electrical wire, he let his thoughts linger on the shape of the core. _Suzuhara-san?_

 _He's here. He's here…. Why?_ A tittering giggle, _Why would he come here? Not us. No. Never us._

His heart dropped, _Suzuhara-san…please, can you hear me?_

 _Yes…no. No, no. Can't hear. Lies. All lies._ A rapid clicking of her tongue, _There's nobody out there. Nobody at all._ A gibbering laugh was followed by a sing-song whisper, _Nobody out there. All alone. Nobody out there…._

Lowering his left hand, Shinji looked to Eve for confirmation of what he'd just heard. The mixture of disgust and grief in her eyes told him everything he'd needed to know, "Thank you." Firmly, though not unkindly, he reclaimed his other hand. "I'm grateful that you're willing to help." Surprise colored him as her lips met his. The kiss wasn't hungry, like many of the women's had been, or eager, like he'd expected. It was, instead…comforting.

Stepping back, after a few pleasurable seconds, she smiled to let him know she understood, "Speak with the others. If they can think of a way to help, I will do what I can. It will have to involve Lilith, as the soul is one of her children's, but if there is any way I can make things easier or safer, I'm just a thought away now." _Remember, you're stronger than you think you are._ With a rather Western curtsey, she vanished.

Pain lingered in his chest at the torment he realized Sakura's mother was undergoing, and he knew that standing there resolved nothing, _Let's go. We've got things to do._

+++++ 15th Angel + 6: Wednesday, November 30th (125)

Walking out of the room holding her sister-in-law, the foreign priestess in a foreign land was not prepared to see the man she'd been sworn to avoid standing there. Running the wording of her promise through her thoughts several times, she found few ways around it. With the dead woman holding onto his arm, however, she only needed the one, "It's lovely to see you, Kyoko. I'm terribly sorry that I wasn't able to catch your…hmm, what is he to you? Boyfriend? Lover? Fuckbuddy?" Waving off the distinction, she smiled gamely, "Whatever he is, it's a shame he's very clearly not standing here right now."

Kyoko, tired and angered by everything that continued to pile up around them, by their inability to go and help her daughter, by the fact that his anger continued to grow, missed the attempt at prevarication, _Shinji…has she gone mad?_

 _Lily, a hand please?_ Shinji looked down, understanding the game far better.

Landing gently on his shoulder, the Matron of Night blinked in confusion, "Oh, it's the Shaman."

"Ah, excellent. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to communicate easily with dear Kyoko," Jorth's smile was wicked. "She was going to tell me how her…lover? Would that be descriptive enough? Regardless, I haven't been able to catch up to him. Obligations, you know. How is he doing?"

"Causing chaos, you know how your brother is," Lily, having done a quick scan of everyone's minds in the nearby area, sighed. "He's surrounded by childishness, which easily explains why he himself has random fits of it. A cut of meat is only as good as the marinade, after all."

 _…Is the madness catching?_ Kyoko's brow drew down, _Should we be here?_

Jorth's laugh was dry, "I do indeed know how he can be. My…family, the extended version, tends towards fits of childishness as well. Insisting that things are impossible, when they are certainly nothing of the sort. It seems, however, that I am going to be spending some time back home soon. I do wish I could tell my brother that I'll miss him, but with so much to do…obligations to keep, I'm afraid I can't spare the time."

The elder being toyed with Shinji's hair, "Well, if you have any messages for him, I can be certain to pass them along? I do know he's been rather worried about both you and your brother, and as sad as it has made him he understands that your sister-in-law is doing what she feels best. He wouldn't say that he 'accepts' her decision, as that would imply he had a choice in its making. He simply doesn't wish to _fight_ that decision, in order to support her in living the life she feels best." The feel of his hand on her calf, as he squeezed in gratitude, was electric.

"Ugh, of course he'd be so compliant. It's who he is, though, and there's little to be done for changing him." Clicking her tongue, she crossed her arms under her enormous chest, "As for messages, I would just refer back to what I've already said. Obligations. I'm afraid my dear husband has called in the one debt I'll never be able to pay off, though the cost of collecting it won't be cheap for him either. Perhaps after I'm on the way back to Norway, I'll be able to find some time to write. Do you think he'd be amenable to a visit, from time to time?"

"He'd love to host you and your family, my dear. He's long considered you to be the type of woman he wished he'd known earlier in his life, someone who might have helped him avoid a lot of the pits he's fallen into." Floating down off his shoulder, she walked over and offered a hug. Lowering her voice to a whisper, she kept the last bit away from the general audience, "If she joined his family, her body would be healed _tomorrow_. Her fears, and I understand them far better than he does, are worrisome. If she feels she can't control herself, she's making the right decision. He doesn't need abuse, right now."

"Which is the only reason I've not pushed harder, Matron." Her voice remained even, though her spirit ached, "He would be the best for her, and wouldn't suffer terribly with proper support. Is his life so hard, with all of you aiding him?"

"You have missed much." Stepping back, she shook her head slightly and raised her voice again, "But now is not the time for that. Please, pass along a message from our family? Tell her that I have heard directly from him, when she is ready…he'll be waiting. Because he loves her, he'll be waiting."

Shinji watched the Holy Woman's eyes flick to him, and nodded once, slowly. As much as he wanted to speak with Idunn, to express his pleasure at her recovery, to tell her that he would be happy to simply be her friend if that's all she could safely manage…. _This is better. She's made her choice, and I'll respect that._ Putting his hands in his pockets, he turned and walked away, _It's not an ending. It's just a 'Goodbye, for now'._

+++++ 15th Angel + 6: Wednesday, November 30th (125)

Kiyomi, arriving at the Manor, hoped that 'Lunch' was still acceptable at close to thirteen hundred. Preparing the report, sending it at the same time as Sachiko's, setting a safety net in place with both her XO and her First Sergeant to quickly and brutally shut down any possible problems Charlie Company might cause if things went further downhill than she feared they could. Dressed, to be safe, in her 'professional' civilian clothes in case his 'request' to Sachiko was multi-directional and based on the attitudes in the Manor proper, she knocked on the door and stepped back a pace.

Several long breaths later, the door opened to reveal the last woman she truly wished to see looking as stern as she was. "Ah, good afternoon, Major. I'm afraid my husband isn't here at the moment, pressing concerns drew him elsewhere." Hikari Ikari was clearly in 'a mood', "Was there something we could help you with?"

"…I hadn't heard reports that he'd gone anywhere." Realizing that her statement might have sounded accusatory, she quickly added, "He asked me to step over for lunch, to work on his biography. I apologize for not calling ahead, but after a series of-"

"His life being threatened, yes," the Princess waved off the topic. "I trust you've handled it appropriately. You've been nothing short of praiseworthy in your devotion and professionalism. Please, come in. I'll get in touch with him and ask if he still wanted to handle that today." Stepping aside, she gestured into the house, "I'm sorry for the confusion on our part. I'm afraid your comrade wasn't the only one to make a 'series of bad decisions', as you were going to put it."

The house seemed to be 'too quiet'. People sitting in small groups, going over papers and changing them around at invisible signals. Domestic tasks being performed, again in silence, only added to the impression that not all was well in the family she'd been sworn to defend, "I'm…not interrupting, am I?"

"No, no," a polite, but firm, smile dismissed the fear. "Our family is more than capable of handling a few unexpected tasks, when one of us has a crisis come up. We've just needed to practice that ability some, and I'm grateful you're providing the opportunity for us to do so." Frowning slightly, she nodded, "In fact…you have been trusted with nearly all of our most dire secrets. So long as they do not threaten your Army, or our nation, can we trust you to hold a few more close to your heart?"

"It's a day for those, I'm gathering. Your husband showed me the scar he has over his own heart," she tapped her chest. "I told him to keep that one quiet. I knew about the bullets, enough to know that we weren't certain what the effects would be. Everyone's naturally afraid of guns, comes with the loud noise and the chance for long-range death. The people in my unit would expect to need to keep him safe from that, if for nothing else than to keep _you_ safe from that. The fewer that know about that knife and the alien assassin in my chain right now…I'm taking a huge risk keeping this close, and justifying it to myself under an OPSEC umbrella."

Hikari hated that once again a secret was being kept, after the day's discovery of that being a recipe for disaster. She did not, however, have a good enough reason to insist someone else not keep secrets from people that weren't in the house, "I understand. Tsuru, dear, I'm borrowing Saha-chan if you don't mind?"

From near the sink, the farmgirl waved over towards her fiancée as if indicating permission. Kiyomi noted the haunted cast to the young woman's eyes, which didn't do much to improve her feelings on the day, "Saha-chan? Did I not get a report on one of Nozomi-chan's classmates showing up?"

"No, no, it's ok, Saha-chan," from all appearances, her hostess was speaking to the air next to her long skirt. "This is Major Honda, though we call her Kiyomi-san if she's in the house and not with her people. She's a nice lady, and she truly wants to protect Shinji. Go ahead, introduce yourself."

Popping into existence, much like Rose and Lilith once had, what seemed like years ago, a small child with a single great eye was suddenly holding onto the woman introducing her, "If…uhm…if you're sure, Mama Hikari. Hello…ma'am."

Kiyomi had no lingering distaste for children, and she mostly avoided her parents aversion to those who had unfortunate ailments that caused them to deviate from 'acceptable norms'. That she was now considering what was likely to be another alien being in her AO, with what appeared to be an impossible physical deformity, and _wasn't_ reaching for her sidearm, was a testament to her self-control, "Hello. Saha-chan, was it? That's a lovely name, it matches your eye color."

Tilting her head slightly, the Aspect of Sky blinked, "It's…uhm, it's short for Sahaquiel. You, uh…you have pretty eyes too."

"Saha-chan," Hikari crouched down, taking the youthful Aspect's hands and speaking softly, "I need you to deliver a message, ok? You don't have to tell us where he went, but I need you to tell Shinji that he has a guest. Bring back his response, if he can't come back on his own, and we'll handle it from there."

Relieved that she wasn't going to be expected to speak with the unknown Lilin, Sahaquiel brightened significantly, "Oh! Ok, I can do that!"

After the child disappeared, the Major gestured to where she had stood with undisguised concern, "Did we just gain responsibility for an alien child?"

Unable to prevent a laugh from escaping, Hikari covered her mouth, "No, no, 'we' didn't gain responsibility. Shinji, on the other hand, has been saved from most forms of hostile actions by the former Tenth Angel. Saha-chan has been with him ever since he caught her as she fell to Earth. Each of the Angels have. They're different now, no longer hostile to the world and unfailingly loyal to him. Saha-chan is an adorable exception, as most of them are much…more mature. I personally enjoy-" Her face paused, as her eyes moved up and to the left for a second. Nodding, she seemed to become more sad as she listened to whatever it was that she was hearing. "He has asked if you would mind speaking with Misato. She has a physical copy of his records, from NERV, and should be able to redact the parts that shouldn't become public knowledge. He apologizes, and says that he should be home in time for dinner, should you be free to visit with Captain Ozaki."

Looking out at the rest of the occupants, a question came to her lips before she could stop it herself, "Is this what it would be like? If I became bound to him. Working like…like a gear in a machine?"

"Only at those times we're all talking with each other," the Princess declared as she followed her guest's gaze. "There's four different conversations happening at the same time right now, I'm afraid. We've all…had some difficulties recently. We're working together intently, trying to find ways to improve things around here. For him, for us…for those that might join us someday. Coming up with ideas, debating what might not work, it probably looks alien. Frightening." Turning back, she smiled with commiseration, "The view from inside is much different. It's even better when Shinji isn't angry at the world, because during those times it's like nothing can stop us. If you're interested, you might consider applying. There's a few openings still available, and he could do worse than asking another capable warrior to join the family."

"I…no," the idea was impossible. Politically it would be ruinous for him, and she couldn't live with herself if she only received promotions because she orbited his gravity. "No, I was just curious. I apologize for the question, if it in any way offended."

"It might have, yesterday," she shrugged. "Today's a different day. I'll leave you with Misato then."

+++++ 15th Angel + 6: Wednesday, November 30th (125)

"Thank you, Saha-chan," Shinji had crouched down to speak with his 'daughter' without looming. Reaching out and ruffling her hair, he grinned, "I think it's wonderful that Major Honda likes your eye color, because she's telling the truth. It's gorgeous. You run on back, keep everyone safe. I'll be home later, promise." After the Aspect vanished, his grin fell to nothing, trust was low to the ground right now with the women in his house, and he didn't trust that they were doing those things he'd asked for anymore, "Let's get this over with." Willing himself visible again, he stood and walked towards the commander's office. As he reached the young man stationed at the desk outside, he was surprised that his approach had gone unremarked, "Is he in?" The question was rhetorical, as he could feel Kozo's song inside, but it served the purpose to startle the man out of complacency.

"O-oh! Yes sir, uh," fumbling the phone, the secretary caught the receiver before it clattered off the desk and hit the button that would go directly through to his boss. After a second, he blurted out, "There's a Mister Ikari here to see you, sir. N-no, the younger one." Hanging up after flinching, he stood and bowed, "Please, go right in sir."

There was a growing dark part of Shinji that encouraged him to remind he young man that it was his job to open the door, so that the man he worked for felt confident that his guests were being treated well. The other _glowing_ dark part of him instead wanted the irritant out of the way. Opening the door himself, he walked in and focused on being professional instead of barking out demands like a toddler, "Good afternoon, sir. I'm sorry for dropping in unannounced."

"Never worry about that, son," moving around his desk to join Shinji at the small coffee table he had, the old professor urged Shinji to sit and brought out a bottle of bourbon and two glasses. "I hope you'll forgive me for offering you a drink in the middle of the day, as it's not the best example to set, but it is not incorrect to say that I've hit my limit for depressing news already. A little fortification, shared with the man we owe our lives to, and I'll give you what advice I can."

"I am sorry to add to it," Shinji accepted the drink he had no interest in consuming.

Taking his own glass and sitting back, Kozo shook his head, "I meant what I said. Never be sorry about seeking me out. If it's important enough that you're worried over it, and I can offer anything to make your worries lighter…." After a long pull, he again urged his subordinate on, "Please. I only mentioned my own troubles to try and connect with you, not to still your tongue."

The truth was all he'd spoken, that Shinji was aware of. Since the day he'd met the man in this life, he'd not once tried to lie. If he couldn't say, he simply _didn't_ say, and that earned the respect that he was being shown after everything that happened. A good man can be pulled into terrible deeds, forced to try and provide what salvation he could for mankind from within the hurricane itself. "Pilot Soryu, sir. I need…I need to have someone dedicated to helping her. She needs therapy, counseling, a mentor. I'd say she needs a mother, but she'd never accept one. We need to get her a goal outside of the entry plug…and outside of me. I have Rits and Maya working on appropriate medications, medical intervention, but I have to go beyond that to truly help her find a life beyond…this." Drawing from his own glass, to be polite, he found the flavor more complex than he'd anticipated it being, "What do I need to do, to make that happen?"

"Sub-Commander Katsuragi has actually recently contacted me about something to that effect. She's made a few requests that I've already approved, and said you'd spoken to her as well. Might I ask how Doctor _Zeppelin_ Soryu is doing?" A thoughtful frown on his face, he bought time by inquiring about related matters, "It must pain her to see what we've done to her child, through negligence if not incompetent malice."

 _It's not his fault,_ the woman in question materialized next to Shinji, laying her head on his lap and curling up. _I'm angry. Hurt. Sad. Frustrated._ Hugging his leg, she concluded, _I'm not giving up my place in your life._

"She says she's angry, sir. But not at you." Running one hand along her side, he outlined where she was resting, "She's hurting, that she can't be there for her child. She's sad, that her daughter was never given a chance to become anything more than a weapons component. She's frustrated that every time I go to see Asuka, so that she can see her as well…Pilot Soryu's mental health was allowed to reach this point. Her bipolar, which I doubt went undiagnosed, was allowed to overtake her entire life. Her habits are built on a lifetime of not eating, not sleeping…she was never given medication, therapy, even something as simple as a hobby. NERV failed her. I…." Cupping the cheek of the woman he loved, he risked her wrath, "I failed her."

The lights in the room spasmed, as Kyoko rolled onto her back and glared up at him, _Stop. That. Now._ Unbeknownst to her, a vague outline of her form became visible and her voice nearly audible to Kozo as she shifted to her knees and gripped Shinji's shirt at the neck to pull him closer, _You do not get to sit there and tell me that my husband is at fault, only to take his blame! I am offering you his_ place _you irritating mass of complexes, his blame will burn to ashes when you carve my wrath upon his soul._

Uncowed, Shinji's voice was level as he set his drink down, "I apologize sir, I'll be right back in a few seconds." Closing his eyes, he drew Kyoko with him into his soul.

+++++ Author's Notes:

JaceSterne: RE: Aspect Tarot Bingo.

They are linked with the Lilin…and I'm going to be cautious here about spelling out more due to potential spoilers. The vague concept, however, is that completion requires unity, and unity is forged through bonds.

TheHiddenLettuce: RE: Asuka.

I wouldn't say that we've seen all of Asuka yet. She's being put through some terrible trials, and she's going through those trials almost completely alone. That takes people to some dark places, and sometimes it means that they do dark things. Not, however, to say that you're completely incorrect in that (A) it's your opinion, and therefore valid because everyone's free to have an opinion on characters and (B) you're not wrong in that possessiveness and obsession are not the greatest traits for people to display when they claim to love someone.

origamishishou: RE: Miki-chan.

She'll get her pets. She always gets her pets.

Blackplant: RE: Derailing.

There are some curves in the track, for certain. But, there's more than one conductor at the moment which never ends well, all things considered.

Huagh: RE: Anger.

Even worse, it's not entirely _his_ anger he's processing. Decisions, decisions.


	141. Chapter 141

+++++ 15th Angel + 6: Wednesday, November 30th (125)

The room she awoke in was well appointed. At least, that was the term she believed appropriate for what she saw. Her mother had never been one to focus overmuch on that particular segment of life, and the few times the difference was made a point of importance the answer was always 'because that's what your betters wanted there'. A confused array of appropriate responses to her current dilemma each came to mind as she sat up and took in her environment, and so Fuuka did what she was taught to do. She waited.

Waiting, as it tended to, allowed her to determine what she ought to do in a variety of potential circumstances. She was in a bedroom, though it did not look lived in. There were no belongings, no clothes in the open closets, none of those things she saw in her mother's room those times she would enter as instructed. Logically, that meant she was placed in a 'guest' bedroom. It was very quiet, which meant that no one else was around. If she had been placed here, it had to have been by Ikari-sama. She had been downstairs. He had touched her, very appropriately and in an ever so pleasantly forward manner, after she had bowed to him….

Closing her eyes and reprimanding herself for her failure, she remembered the topic they had been discussing. He had not known of the young Yinghua's shame, of the indignities visited upon her by her family. She had, in attempting to encourage him to speak with her at all, driven him to anger. It was very likely that he was off to find someone to punish for the crime. After all, that is what good men did when wrongs were brought to their attention. They punished those responsible.

Promising herself that she would apologize again, and make herself available for punishment as he saw fit, she set aside the distasteful topic and considered the quality of the sheets she was resting under and upon. Far better than what she had been given by her mother, and still an improvement over what she had been given by her caretaker in Madame Xu, the cloth seemed to caress her skin in ways that were mildly indecent, were she to be honest with herself. That he would provide this for a guest must mean that his own were downright decadent!

The door opening drew her attention, and after carefully freeing herself of the bed so that she did not damage anything, she stood and smoothed out her clothes, "My apologies, Ikari-sama, I have inconvenienced your husband and dirtied your bedding. I-"

"Please," Hikari approached slowly, intending to avoid startling her newest family member, "just Hikari. Can I call you Fuuka? We don't tend to bother with formality in the house, but if it will make you uncomfortable we'll work something else out." Gently taking her new housemate's hands, she felt for any trembling or fidgeting and found only poise and tranquility.

"If it pleases you to use my given name, please do as you feel appropriate," she responded, eager to begin to make amends.

Counting slowly to five, hoping that the young woman before her would offer some sign as to how she was feeling, she kept The Princess at bay to continue her husband's desired work of socializing the poor creature, "Fuuka it is, then. I was notified when you woke up, are you rested?"

She hadn't seen any servants, perhaps there were cameras like she'd had in her own bedroom, "I apologize. When your husband touched me, it seems I became overwhelmed. What may I offer to make amends for allowing myself to act in a most improper manner?" She was not ready for the smile Hikari gave her. It was not the promise of the sting of a lesson that she'd expected, a lifetime of her mother's, her tutor's, 'instruction' setting her up for such. Instead, she saw…light.

"Oh, there's no need to apologize. Shinji has a way of making everything seem like it will be just fine, but I think I'll let him talk to you about what happened, later. For now, how about you and I go and help my baby sister, hmm? Yinghua-chan is terrified that you're going to replace her, which of course is rubbish." Taking a firmer hand, she took Fuuka's arm and held her like an old friend as they moved to the hall, "She's a dear, but I'm sure you know how badly life has treated her."

Accustomed to being directed, Fuuka was now back in her element, "I quite enjoy her company…Hikari-sama. When I spoke with her, I had the most impolite urge to hug her without asking permission. I worried so at her tale, I am overjoyed that she lives with one as powerful and righteous as your husband."

As the duo approached Rei, they overheard the tail end of her comment, "…is how he is. If I were to call him anything, it would be 'determined'. He will not rest until you are safe, wherever that safety may be found, but it is not a good thing to hide yourself from him. I did, and it cost me my sight, and nearly my life. When he returns, I will speak your fears to him, and together we will help him understand."

"O-ok," Sakura nodded eagerly. Catching sight of who Hikari was approaching with, she ducked behind Rei's arm, hiding between the couch cushion and the albino's body.

Cautiously moving her arm to draw the precious youth into a hug, Rei avoided drawing attention to what she'd determined was an act of fear, "Class Representative, I assume you have returned with the individual in question?"

"Rei-chan, I've told you to call me Hikari. I'm going to have enough of a time accepting how Fuuka-chan addresses me, I don't need you making things harder too," her tone carried no ire, only friendly encouragement. "Yinghua-chan manages it just fine, both of you should follow her example."

Not understanding why, but accepting that she was intended to sit on the coffee table, Fuuka arranged her skirt as demurely as she could, "I will do my utmost to strive towards Yinghua-chan's mastery of social situations. It was her contention that your husband would not appreciate a card, but might prefer something more ephemeral."

Comforting a trembling Sakura, Rei nodded, "Shinji's profile would indicate that he would be more inclined to embarrassment if handed a card after being stabbed in the chest. His disquiet earlier today bears that out, your supposition was accurate, Yinghua-chan."

Clasping her hands before her, Hikari was clearly pleased at the situation, "Which is why I am placing you, my dear, in charge of these two." Indicating Rei and Fuuka, she smiled broadly, "You know the house, how it works, what we all have to do. They do not. Right now, everyone else is working hard trying to figure out how to make things easier on Shinji while he's off trying to fix what's broken. Nozomi-chan is in Time Out while Kelly helps her like she helped you. I need to make sure everyone has what they need, and so I get to lean on _you_ to teach the new ladies the ropes, ok?"

Fuuka was curious as to where Nanako had gone, why she had been left here instead of returned to her room as she'd been told would happen earlier in the day, but curiosity was not disappointment. If this was his home, then this was where she needed to be to show him that she could accept 'external motivation'. "I would greatly appreciate that opportunity." Turning the smile on Sakura she was told to use when someone offered her something, she bowed as politely as she could manage while seated on the low table, "I look forward to learning from you, sensei. It is my hope that for years to come you instruct me in how to avoid making unfortunate errors."

A tiny voice squeaked out, "Y-years?"

"It is said that one must spend ten thousand hours practicing before mastery is obtained," Rei agreed. "You have an advantage on us, in that you have spent more time in this house than we have. You are closer to mastery than we are, and so it is appropriate that we look to you for guidance. As I cannot see, I am afraid I must also lean on both of you to ensure I do not harm myself or others while I learn how the furniture is laid out."

"You weren't intending to move out soon, were you?" Hikari, far better at lying than Shinji, 'played dumb'. If the decision was to be made that her baby sisters would move out of her home, it would be made over her objections, "I could really use your help around here. But like we've talked about, I will not make your decisions for you unless it's to save your life, or stop you from hurting yourself."

"I…uh…uhm," squirming slightly, Sakura shook her head, "I'd like to stay here."

 _Very well done, Hikari-san._ Rei's silent statement was followed with a vocalized, "Perhaps the first task should be to determine where the rooms are? I would like to know how to locate my fellow student. Fuuka-san, if you would assist me in walking I would appreciate it. Yinghua-chan can lead us from the front, and describe my surroundings while acting as a living flag for those who might not know that I am in motion."

"Of course," standing gracefully, Fuuka extended her hands. "If you would not mind placing her hands in mine, sensei. It would be rude to simply grasp her, I believe. I am not familiar with how best to assist someone who has lost their sight, Rei-sama, but I will dedicate myself to learning how."

+++++ 15th Angel + 6: Wednesday, November 30th (125)

Strained to his limit, Shinji collapsed back atop the bed. It was…an odd sensation knowing that he was engaging in such activities while his physical body sat before his commander, but the situation had been worsening and Kyoko needed him to help her. He wasn't dishonest enough with himself to lie to anyone and say that he didn't both enjoy and desire the comfort, but it remained…odd, "I'm…worried that I'm going to become addicted to you."

"Too late," trying to rein in her hair, she smiled wanly down on him. "I spent an unfortunate period of time in my youth around enough drug addicts to know that I'm hooked on you. I'm not giving you up, you can't make me give you up, so stop trying and just accept that you and I are going to spend a few real world seconds every day testing the theory that I can't get pregnant." Climbing free of him, she moved to wash herself in the adjoining bath, "…Thank you, Shinji. Why don't you clean up and get back out there. I'll be out in a bit. I need to spend some time…processing what has happened."

Sitting back up, tired but unwilling to speak to one of the women he loved while lounging about, he shook his head, "I'll wait. It's only been two and a half seconds out there. We can spend some time talking, then step back out together." Of any of the women he knew, right now she was the only human that he was certain didn't know key information that had set the day's traumas spiraling out of his grasp, "You called yourself my wife earlier, you should know by now that I don't take those obligations lightly."

Pausing with the cloth in her hands, her voice darkened, "I caught myself hating her, earlier this morning." Turning around and glaring at him with eyes that were, in truth, staring at herself, she sneered, "Some mother I am. She stubs her toe, and you hurry to help her. She treated you like _garbage_ in those memories of yours I've seen. Worse than the lowest dog. Somehow, and I'm going to disagree about it being purely abuse-driven, you still hop to when she falls apart. You were offering her everything I ever wanted, and she was too broken and angry to see it until it was far too late. Here I am, luxuriating in the touch and love of a man she desperately needs." It was obvious that her words were hurting him badly, and she, in frustration, threw her cloth at him, "That's why I asked you to go! To leave me! To let me wallow in my own wretched-"

Silencing her by transferring his presence to where he could hold her close, Shinji crushed her to him, "Never." There was so little he could actually do. So many things he could never fix or even begin to move towards something that resembled 'right' if you squinted at it and looked sideways. This, holding a woman who hated herself for being forced into entering his cursed life? This was his wheelhouse, "You don't let me do it to me, and I'm not letting you do it to you."

A sobbing cry tore free from her lips, " _I HATE MYSELF!"_

Pulling her into the water, he sat down and held her as he rocked side to side, "I love you."

"Why?!" Pounding on him with the flat of her fist, she wept broken, bitter tears, "Why did this have to happen to us?! She was the most precious thing on Earth, the reason I worked on the Eva project! I wanted her to be safe! Instead…. Instead I've ruined her life!"

"No, you saved it," he would prove it, when she was more lucid. For now, she needed to hear affirmation. "You saved her, and you saved me."

Around and around they went, her self-loathing oozing free of the wounds she'd suffered. Cleaning her with soft touches, tenderly ensuring that she knew he would still love her after she'd worked herself free from the poison, he listened to her admonish herself for failing again, and again. Each pause, each breath, he filled with another assertion that she was loved. That despite his anger at them, those women back at the house loved her. That they were not alone, as painful as that might be at times.

The fit of grief, thankfully, only lasted half of an hour as time was reckoned in his soul, leaving her spent and drained…but that tiny bit closer to the free air he wished them all to breathe. When she returned his embrace, clutching him close, he knew she would be all right for the moment. "I do love you, Kyoko Zeppelin Soryu. All the thrown washcloths in the world won't change that."

Her reply was mumbled into his neck, and despite attempting to replay it in his mind until he could make sense of it, no sense came from the sound.

"I'm sorry, I didn't quite make that out."

Taking a deep breath, her voice firmed, "Ikari." With no room for misunderstanding in her gaze, she locked him in place with her luminous cerulean eyes, "I never gave him the honor of taking his name. I denied it to him, a fact I am forever grateful for. It may be petty, it may be childish, and it may set a terrible example for…those who will be _our_ children, but I want to be Kyoko _Ikari_. A great and terrible man attempted to tarnish that name…so it will take a great and terrible woman to help set it aright." Forcing cheer, she smiled playfully, "Besides, your mother would have hated to know that not only was I banging her son like a screen door in a typhoon, but that I willingly subordinated myself to him by taking _her_ name and bettering her at hanging glory on it."

Half of his lip lifted in a tired grin, "What am I going to do with you?"

"If you haven't figured out what I like by now, Sonny, you haven't been paying attention."

+++++ 15th Angel + 6: Wednesday, November 30th (125)

Realigning his sense of time, Shinji opened his eyes to a world that hadn't changed but a few heartbeats, "My apologies, sir. Watching her daughter suffer, unable to do anything to save her…at least now I know how a parent ought to act in these situations." Smiling with pain and anxiety, he shrugged, "I only pray that I never have the need to exercise this knowledge with my daughters. Fingers crossed?"

"I understand," the man hefted his drink, keeping to himself his concerns about how potentially volatile the woman seemed to be, "and applaud you for being a better man than the one who helped conceive you." Setting the glass on his knee, he grimaced, "I hate to bring this up, and I promise I am thinking of ways to manipulate the right levers to get Pilot Soryu some much-needed help, but your father is leaving with General Benoit soon. Have you considered…?"

"Crushing his head? Yes, repeatedly. It's one of my darker fantasies that I truly wish I didn't have." Pleased when Kyoko rejoined him by laying herself in his lap, he resumed petting her like the cat she was acting as, "I'd much rather allow the UNIGC to prosecute him for whatever crimes he's committed. The man who raised my wife acted more like a father to me in the short time I knew him than the man you refer to. You," retrieving his drink with aid from Bardiel's touch, he raised it in a toast of his own, "have done more to act as a father. Whatever needed to be said between he and I can die with the rest, sir. I don't need the closure, and he doesn't deserve it."

Kozo looked down in shame at the compliment he felt he didn't deserve, "His assistance was instrumental in bringing down SEELE. His talents invaluable in getting the Evas set up to face the Angel threat. I understand that he deserves no accolades for sending you away to that monster, but I assure you he was not misusing his life as a leader."

"His goal was to unify us all into a sapient mass of liquid Angel blood roaming the universe in order to allow him to be together with his wife again." Shinji snorted, "Any of my wives would castrate me with a dull hairbrush for even contemplating doing that. If he's attempted to redeem himself by taking down the organization that was trying to murder us all so _they_ could be in control, then I'm sure the trial will include that exculpating information. As the unfortunate man who has to claim him as his forebear, I have paid my debts to him by saving mankind. If I ever think to regret my decision, I'll just visit the train station with my children."

The topic was closed, and as much as the old professor disagreed with the decision, it was not his to make, "I have some ideas on how to improve Pilot Soryu's life, but it will take a few days to seek out the necessary approval. The prohibition on appropriate mental care goes above my level, but I believe I can leverage your…displeasure, to get help for at least your two fellow pilots. Miss Ayanami will need to speak to someone, to help provide cover for Pilot Soryu. Can I ask you to urge her to help us?"

Shinji took another drink, pleased that Misato had followed through, grateful that Kozo was willing to make an attempt, "You're offering me a chance to get Rei some help too? Twist my arm, why don't you."

+++++ 15th Angel + 6: Wednesday, November 30th (125)

Kiyomi's fingers worked through her hair as she looked at the reports from the native, and now deceased, version of Shinji from near Ogawa in Nagano, "He…survived this?"

"Does it really surprise you?" Misato snorted as she leaned back in her seat, "From what I hear, he told you about the knife in his heart. My man doesn't die easy, he suffers a lot, and doesn't need the horseshit he gets from the people around him."

The Major's voice remained polite, if strained, "I have already reported it to-"

"Wasn't just talking about you, Major." Smiling as a much-improved Sakura worked with the two older 'students', as her former roommate and current housemate learned the lay of the land, Misato's concern faded for a second as the good that was drawn from the bad of the day grew, "He's a locus for horrors. If it can go wrong, around him it does. That's what we're all doing here, to answer your question. He will draw the world's suffering into his being, take it all and more. Our job, those of us fortunate enough to be chosen by Creation? To make it worth continuing on. To make it harder to just say 'Fuck it' and find one of those special bullets to inject directly into his brain. He's not perfect, he's not even really excellent yet…but we'll get him there."

"Spell it out for me if you would, ma'am," she didn't like some of the implications of the declaration.

Chocolate eyes turned back to her 'guest', "If you can't keep up, don't step up. We're all going to dedicate our lives to each other. Not just him, but every other woman in this house. Because he can't stand with us divided, we've recently proven that far too true. There was another woman, one he…nearly sacrificed far too much for. She couldn't hack it, chose to go somewhere else. Not happy with her, but I respect the hell out of her for making that decision. So when I ask this question, I'm not going to accept weasel-word bullshit: what do you want from my man?"

"To find him coated in whipped cream with maraschino cherries placed at random locations, then clean him with my tongue?" Tired of dancing around the issue, and offered a chance to simply admit her thoughts, she shrugged, "I want to have him then force me to take all of him, to feel him slamming against my cervix while whispering that he's going to make me carry his baby. I want to hurt so good…and then I remember my oath to my nation. My duty to my troops. My pride as not only a soldier, but as a woman. I will not take the easy path to 'success', because there can be no such thing by accepting the quick ride to the top. I succeed when I show the men and women under my command how to do it without corruption, when I set them up to reach as high as they can. It's why I refuse to flirt with him, despite him being _very_ easy to flirt with."

Misato pursed her lips in thought, "So…you think I can't do both?" Holding up her phone, she waggled it, "While I've been sitting here dealing with you, I've attended three meetings, counseled six directors who needed input on how to stop budget overruns, read three hundred e-mails regarding projects that we're working on, directed personnel to support Rits as she tries to help Pilot Soryu, kept Section Two occupied tracking Shinji without overwhelming him, joked with the Commander about how Shinji is the most frustrating employee to have to corral, and authorized nineteen promotions. I've also beaten my high score on a level in this really addictive mobage, but that's not much of an accomplishment. Major…Kiyomi, I'm _very_ successful, and Shinji didn't give me an ounce of it. What he's done, that I'm grateful for, is helped people see me as approachable. He's changed the perception my subordinates have of me from 'stone cold bitch' to 'stone cold bitch who listens to good ideas, and who coaches bad ideas into possibly better ideas'. The only people who are truly afraid of me anymore are those who stupidly think that being an EA is an easy job. So if what you're saying is, you don't think you have the _talent_ to accept rapid promotions and do the jobs you'd be promoted to, that's fine because it is incredibly rare to have that level of skill. But don't talk to me about 'easy', because I work my fantastic ass off all day to earn what I do to him every once in a while in the bedroom." Her phone chirped, "If you'll excuse me, this one I have to take in private."

Kiyomi couldn't stop herself from staring as she rapidly reassessed a woman that nearly everyone misjudged. She wasn't a liar, nor a braggart. The barrage of facts she'd just shared were given in an effort to present a counterpoint to Kiyomi's own ideas of appropriate leadership. It was a senior officer coaching a junior, something she'd done more than once. There was a few small bumps in what she described, but many of those could simply be overcome by having the integrity to do the work better than anyone else. Irritation grew in her gut as she realized she was considering what was being danced before her as possible, "I have my duty, and it's not… _solely_ to him."

+++++ 15th Angel + 6: Wednesday, November 30th (125)

With the school day five minutes from complete, Shinji stood outside of NERV and looked up at the cloudy sky, "I really, _really_ , wish I could fly." Caressing Kyoko's calf, as she sat on his shoulder, he sighed, "Running, even out of people's sight, risks slamming into someone I don't see. It's just not safe, in the middle of the day, and I have a thousand places I need to be."

 _I do not see why you cannot arrive safely at each destination,_ Arael blinked into being before him. _You carry my gifts, and there are few beings that are considered true birds that do not soar amongst the clouds._ Hovering calmly on invisible winds, she floated back several paces, _It is as simple as weaving cloaks of emptiness with Bardiel, or lifting water with Sachiel, or summoning lightning with Ramiel. Will yourself upwards, and remember to protect yourself with Sahaquiel. You are not the only denizen of the air, and would look unsuitable as what the Lilin feel you to be with hundreds of insects stuck to your face and hair._

As terrible as the day had begun, and as aggravating as it had continued, the fact that one of his Aspects had the capacity to upend his preconceptions in a way that might solve a problem he'd had still caused genuine pleasure to him. "Arael…I love you."

 _Irrational,_ she huffed. _Though…appreciated._

Thinking of the action as lifting himself up didn't work. His knowledge of physics preventing him from accepting as genuine what it was he was attempting. Thinking of pushing the ground away led to the same result, as pushing six sextillion tons didn't really seem easily accomplished and would lead to other serious problems as he altered the orbit of the planet around the sun. "Easily…." Crouching down, he put his hand on the ground beneath him, "If everything is bound together by Strength, by what Zeruel can control…."

 _Shinji, if you set off a sub-atomic explosion beneath our feet I will be rather irritated,_ Kyoko flicked his ear. _Study first, apply second. Do it the other way around and you're going to kill everyone._

"R-right," the potential harm he could harness began to spell itself out before him. Enough quarks rammed together violently and he'd create an explosion that would dwarf a hydrogen bomb. "But…the theory would mean that if I can control how bound together they are…." Suddenly he was several dozen meters in the air, looking down at the nearby guard shack with the guard looking very nervous about how well he'd take an impact if he fell. "O…k."

 _Excellent,_ the Aspect of Birds joined him. _Now, cloak yourself with my sisters' gifts, so as not to disturb the Lilin._

Wrapping himself with Bardiel's and Sahaquiel's powers, he tried to settle his own nerves, "I'm…flying. Nothing major. Just…you know, like walking. Just, on the top of the air and not the ground." Shaking his head, he smacked his cheeks, "Stop. Stop thinking like a human all the time." He could feel how he had requested that the ground stop holding him so tightly. It was akin to a human holding a dog's leash, the ground simply gave him more slack and let him roam. "Which means…."

+++++ 15th Angel + 6: Wednesday, November 30th (125)

The day had not gone wonderfully for Minami Kajima. Between the tack on her seat, the soaked seaweed in her desk, the wet panties she'd found in her locker after she changed in gym, and in a reprise of the morning's entertainment, the tacks in her shoes, she was just about ready to be done with school. For life. Never to return. Walking stiffly towards the gate, alone and clinging to her dignity as she fought back the tears begging for release, she muttered just loud enough, "I wish Shinji had been here…."

"I would have been, but you…really wouldn't believe the story I have about that." Allowing himself to become visible, Shinji descended to the ground carefully, floating on nothing as if the air beneath him were guiding him home. With his ponytail fluttering behind him, his clothes rustling softly, and his hands in his pockets, he smiled regretfully as he approached the young woman he'd promised to help, "I'm very sorry that I wasn't here to give you a hand the past two days, Minami-san. Some things happened that…well, it'd just be an excuse."

She caught him looking at her newest, and most prized, possession. Someone had, when she removed it to shower, scribbled various taunts and mocking slurs on it. Despite that, she wouldn't give it up. She wanted to squeal, to jump up and down in excitement, to proclaim that he'd flown, _flown,_ to come and see her after class. But she didn't have to. Every pair of eyes in the quad was on them. Every student watched as he'd descended from heaven to apologize to her for not being a good senpai. "Life happens to the best of us, senpai. Is…uhm, is there anything I can do to help?"

Shinji's mind was not a kindly place at the moment. Kyoko, sitting on his shoulder and taking in the scene, was equally aghast at what had happened in the short time he'd been absent. Arael, who had accompanied him on his journey, was sitting on Minami's shoulder and looking her over, ending her inspection with, _She has been assaulted this day. Her clothes are not as clean as they have been, her hair shows signs of a rush, she favors her left foot as if damage has happened to its partner. She smells strangely of the sea, and most damningly the gift you gave to her has been mistreated. Do you now see why your presence is required, Wanderer?_

His fellow students had done this. His _absence_ had done this. His voice was a gentle summer rain shower, "Do you know who did this to you?" Frightening her, after the day she'd clearly had, would be unforgiveable. He'd caused this, by reaching out to her. He'd started her on the path, as Tsuru had proclaimed, and then left her alone after a single day. Of all of his anger for those who would refuse to act as humans ought to, the majority was reserved for himself for not remembering how far his reach had grown.

"It's…nothing," his fellow student's gaze dropped. He couldn't be there to protect her all the time. It was enough that he'd come to see her now. If she couldn't stand on her own, what good was she to him? He didn't need another weight dragging him down.

"Hardly." Settling down on one knee, he used Bardiel's gift to create a rope chair and tipped her into it by grabbing her injured foot. Ignoring Minami's squawk of surprise, he swiftly removed her shoe and sock. Clicking his tongue in anger, he inspected the wound, "A tack? Hikari says that she used to get the same. The first day we walked home together, I saw her check her shoes because of this idiocy." Smiling up at the woman he was tending to, he shook his head, "People can be so needlessly cruel."

Marveling at the magic being performed before her, she could smell the antiseptic on the cloth he summoned out of thin air. The way it foamed as it interacted with the blood as he caressed her limb, then disappeared without dripping onto the ground. Iodine, and then a bandage, followed. He treated her foot as if it were the most precious thing in existence, setting it down on a smaller stool that he willed into being as he inspected her sock, "Y-you don't really…."

"Mmm?" He'd been distracted by controlling his rage, "I'm sorry, Minami, I was focused on making sure I understood how to clean this. It's yours, and I don't want to just destroy it and replace it. Better that I fix it, than take something of yours like I have any right to it. That's rude, and worse it's theft." Speaking loud enough that he was heard far, far away, he made his opinion clear. Someone, or many someones, had failed in their duty to not act like savages, and that would not stand.

"It's…just a sock," tittering like an idiot, and then reprimanding herself for doing so, she shrugged helplessly. "If it can't be cleaned, I'll just…save up and buy a new pair." Feeling disappointed in herself for similar pranks when she was younger, she let her smile fade to self-effacing, "It's probably just karma for my being a bitch. I'll take a look when I get to the bedroom I'm renting, don't worry."

Another idea surfaced, and he created a small cloth bag that was big enough to hold her clothing in total. Depositing the sock inside, he looked up at her with practiced curiosity, "I was actually going to ask if you wanted to visit a restaurant with me, since I haven't eaten today. If you'd be all right with it, I could create some new clothes for you? You could carry these home, so that you don't look mismatched. You might have noticed, but I'm getting the hang of what I can manage. I could use the practice."

He was offering to _make_ her clothing? He was going to give her…. "I…I wouldn't want to upset anyone."

His eyes hardened, "If they're upset by me righting a wrong, they don't deserve the rings I've given them."

 _Shinji, what is your intent here?_ Kyoko wasn't upset that he was being who he was, but she wanted to be certain to be a voice of reason, _Is this friends, or flirting? I'm not judging, I'm trying to help, so keep that anger in check._

Minami racked her brain for the right thing to do. She wanted so badly to be treated like a human being, instead of what most people viewed her as, but she didn't want to make everyone think that she had something she didn't. She needed advice. "I…uhm, can I text Hikari-san before I answer?"

 _I'm finding what I want, Kyoko. I'm auditioning, like Arael said I should._ "Absolutely. Can I at least make you a new pair of stockings? You really shouldn't wear this home, you'll grind the blood into the fabric."

+++++ 15th Angel + 6: Wednesday, November 30th (125)

Hikari was increasingly content. Kelly had managed to get Nozomi to start crying, which was the first step in recovering. Sakura was actively engaged and giggling, Rei doing a fantastic job of pretending to be far more useless than she was so that her 'teacher' could learn to be stronger than she thought she could be. Even Fuuka was making small strides towards normal, becoming increasingly inquisitive as the people around the house treated her like a young woman and not a doll or a piece of animated furniture.

 _Direction_ , she said to Ireul during a lull in the day. _We all forgot the direction we were supposed to be pulling in, we all lost sight of what we were moving towards, and ultimately…that's on me. I should have held it together, trusted the women that showed the most maturity, pulled up short the women that needed a firmer hand. I knew better, and I let myself be weak._

The one-eyed Aspect rubbed her fellow wife's back, _You're learning yourself, my dear. You are still young, and I know you remember the saying about mistakes being the best instructor._ She was also proud of the way Shinji's family recovered quickly, after a very trying day, _Creation chose well, pairing you with him. Your talents, your love for him, both are necessary to our success._

 _It's nice of you to say, but I'll believe it when I'm better at it,_ she snorted. _I'm_ \- Her phone chirping drew her lips down, "Who is that?" Pulling out the device, she looked at the message and blinked, "…Oh." Closing her eyes, she forced herself to maintain her poise.

Leaning over, Ireul read the text message, _Hikari: Shinji asked me to go eat, he says he wants to practice something? I don't want to upset you. What do I do?_

 _If I didn't know better, I'd say that he was reminding me of every single thing I've said I'd do._ Looking back to her phone, she typed her response, _Hopefully she'll show it to him, I doubt she'll understand._

Twelve seconds later, Shinji's voice appeared in her head, _It is an audition. I'd rather you were here for it because I value your opinion and feelings more than anyone's, but I'm not coming home until I don't feel the urge to scream at people like an abusive fuckwit. I'm pissed, I know I'm pissed, I think I have the right to be pissed, but I don't have the right to abuse you. Any of you. Anyway, I don't know what I want for the final few women Creation requires. If I don't choose, we're going to end up with more women like Fuuka. Do you want me to bring home a series of empty vessels and whatever random lady happens to be nearby, or women that could stand with us and show the world what's possible?_

Her response was whispered at first, "I love him so much sometimes, it hurts." _I'll ask for a ride to where you're going. Where were you planning on taking her?_

 _The same place we took Shinobu-san. Did you know that's a Shirakami-owned venture? I should talk to Xuefan about who they hire, because flirting with me in front of my date was rude._ There was a slight pause, _Would you tell her you're ok with it? She's worrying._

 _I'm on my way._ Standing as she typed out a reply to Minami, she looked down at her clothes, then over to Mikoto, "Bardiel-chan, could I borrow you for a second?"

+++++ 15th Angel + 6: Wednesday, November 30th (125)

"It was _totally_ amazing!" Minami was animated, and felt odd sitting between Shinji and Hikari in the 'C'-shaped seat, but the way that she'd become the center of attention, the way Hikari asked questions without seeming jealous, and the way that she'd been treated during the day all combined to make her want to talk to someone, anyone, about anything but school, "One minute I was sitting on a chair he'd made out of nothing, and the next I'm sitting inside a tent just big enough for me to stand and stretch my arms out." Reaching her hands out, she touched both of her 'hosts' arms, "Then he reaches in without looking and hands me this, and…appropriate undergarments." Showing off her new outfit, a snug-fitting set of jeans, knee-high riding boots, and a fuzzy sweater, she couldn't keep the amazement from her face or voice.

Hikari smiled, bemused at the fact that she'd long since grown callous to the wonders Shinji was capable of, "My husband has a good eye for coloration. I think he'd make a fantastic visual artist, in addition to his musical skill." _You flew?_

 _It's been a day._ "It's not that hard, with her hair color, to find a good complementary color. Someone like Kelly is much harder, because that reddish orange does not go well with a number of things." Shinji judged his own work before looking back down at what he was reading, "It fits her much better than I worried it might. It was the first time I'd made something and had someone try it on, as opposed to what I just do with you."

Relaxed, perhaps a bit too much, Minami asked outright, "What do you do?"

Not one to miss a chance to show off, either her figure or her husband's dedication to her, when it would remind people that she held the 'master key', Hikari stood up from the table and politely requested a change of clothing, "Perhaps something like what I wore on our date to the gardens?"

Without looking up from his menu, Shinji willed her into a weather-appropriate pair of dungarees, a warm hairband, sturdy shoes, and a fractally woven sweater that matched her eyes flawlessly, "Of course, Light." He smirked with a sigh, "You never did finish reading that book."

"It's on my to-do list," sitting back down next to a wide-eyed Minami, she scooted closer to the young woman to test the waters. "Somewhere between stopping people from abusing you and keeping everyone engaged and on task, it seems to keep slipping lower on the chain."

With her hand already partially outstretched, their date for the afternoon asked curiously, "Can…can I touch your sweater? That looks…."

"Fractal," Hikari shrugged as if it were commonplace. "He can be rather intricate with what he gives us, when he's feeling pensive. This helps him manage his troubles." Offering her arm, she encouraged the touch, "Go ahead. I don't bite." Resting her hand on Minami's arm as the young woman traced out the pattern, she added, "I am sorry that your day was so difficult, Minami-chan. Shinji suffered a series of unfortunate difficulties, things he couldn't avoid, and it kind of overwhelmed the entire household. I should have been in class to stop people from abusing you."

Her eyes still focused on tracing the pattern, she blew out a sigh, "We get what we give in life, Class Rep. I gave people a bad time, which meant it was eventually going to come back and haunt me. I listened to Shinji-san, and tried to straighten out my life…when it went bad he showed up and reminded me that there are people who have it worse than I do." Squeezing the limb she'd been touching, she looked up and smiled half-heartedly, "Maybe now that everyone's seen him be friendly to me, they'll take it easy on the tacks."

"They'd better," Shinji murmured, his eyes still averted to avoid looking at his wife with any anger in his heart again. "Foolishness like that is unacceptable. To anyone, people I don't like, people I do like, and people I like a lot."

"Speaking of foolishness, I…." Hikari paused her thought as the waitress came by to take their order. "Please, Minami-chan, order whatever you want. My husband would be unhappy if you held back on his account. Miss, I'll take the mikan parfait." Encouraging their guest, she rolled her hand, "I'm serious. Whatever you want."

Minami looked to Shinji, who simply nodded while still going over the menu, before quietly ordering for herself, "A strawberry cake, with the chocolate drizzle, please."

"Three scoops of vanilla ice cream," Shinji closed the menu, nowhere near the page in question. He recognized the woman in question from the 'date' he'd had with Shinobu Maehara and Hikari what felt like years past, and had realized as Hikari said nothing that she did not. His voice was cold iron, "If you could bring another drink for my wife and our friend, I would appreciate it."

Nodding, not wishing to risk pissing off who she now knew was someone other than a pretty-boy cosplayer, the woman ducked away after assuring him that everything would be perfect.

Redirecting her statement, Hikari looked at him with a hint of worry, "My love, did she do something in particular?"

Choosing to instead consider his hands, he shrugged, "Well, she avoided slapping me with her breasts this time, so I'd say we have a leg up on our last visit."

Minami's mouth dropped open, "She…what?"

"Oh, fiddlesticks," his wife clapped her hands. "That's where I knew her from. I'm sorry, I just couldn't place her. She mattered so little after you shut her down last time that I plain forgot." Using it as a segue to what she'd meant to say before they were interrupted, she turned back to their date, "We came here before, with Maehara from Three-B, and that server flirted with Shinji pretty hard. He thought she was just near-sighted, because he's a dear man who tries to see the best in people until they prove him wrong, until Maehara-chan asked him how he could let her get away with flirting right in front of me. I told her the same thing I'll tell you, I know who he's coming home with, and he's not my toy to wave around. If he sees something that catches his eye, he knows all he has to do is talk to me about what's going on. He won't cheat, he won't stray, he won't so much as flirt without knowing that we're ok with it. Which leads me to what I'm about to say," pausing, she looked down at her own hands.

"I…I really…I didn't mean when I called you…uhm," Minami blushed a deep red, interrupting. "I was jealous. I thought I was the hottest girl in school, I had all the boys fumbling over themselves to flirt with me, and here comes the scrawny new kid. Not even worth my time, but still…." Laughing quietly, she shook her head, "Doesn't even look at me. Instead, I find that he caught you as you were about to fall. I figured a kinda dorky guy like him and a stuck-up rules-gnome like you deserved each other. Then, he comes in and looks like the masculine ideal! Strong, smart, caring…and ignores those four 'helpers' of his to remain loyal to you." Slumping, she shrugged, "Then, when I try to take him from you…he shoots me down hard. I get to watch, for months, as you show the school that you were _always_ hotter than people thought you were. That he would _always_ be by your side. Then…then he lets you date Tsuru-chan, and Yang-chan." Her eyes flicked to him, "I know that she's the one that started that, everyone does."

"It was a mutual decision," Shinji defended his wife's honor. "The situation…is complicated."

"Yeah," coughing out a laugh, she nodded, "I bet it is. Anyway, I know I'm not the kinda girl you are looking for, and I really appreciate that you want to be my friend. Wearing the handkerchief…it kinda let me feel like you'd be there. Close to my mind, you know? So that all I had to do was think to myself, 'What would Shinji do?' It really helped today. Each time I wanted to snap, to bitch out people for being mean…I just kept my mouth shut. You wouldn't be mean. You wouldn't yell and make a scene in public. You'd be disappointed that people weren't being nice to someone. You'd remind everyone that we needed to be better."

Reaching over, he gripped her wrist, "I can be plenty mean, Minami. Believe me, I do have a temper. Roaring like a maniac and chasing people around with a chair over my head is not outside the realm of possibility. I'm…more human than you think."

Hikari let her lips bunch off to the side, "Well, it's official. I'm a bitch." Reaching over and taking her other wrist, she pressed forward with her twice-aborted apology, "I am sorry, Minami-chan, for badmouthing you to my husband. Three times he has tried to explain reasons for why you've done what you've done, and three times I've called you a skank. I shouldn't have judged you so harshly, I shouldn't have treated you like you were less than human for not being perfect, and I shouldn't have made it personal. So whatever you called me, I called you worse. How about, instead, we try again and not hold our pasts against each other?"

"Sure! Absolutely!" Smiling in disbelieving hope, she flipped her hands over and took one of each of theirs in her grasp, "I'm totally down for forgiving you, if you'll forgive me for thinking I could live my life like that." Looking quickly to Shinji, she squeezed his hand, "You were right. If I did what I had intended to, every time I looked at myself I'd think that's all I could do. Where I come from it's not…uncommon. When I…when I you know," blushing hard, she lowered her voice, "I don't want my first time to be something I look back on and hate myself for. Making sure that it's with someone I'm proud of…."

His wife asked with both shock and disbelief, despite her face remaining a mask of calm and understanding, _Is she telling the truth?_

 _She is._ He'd had his doubts, after having thought through her attempted seduction, that she was at all experienced.

 _Fuck me sideways, I'm a judgmental cunt._ Hikari's burst of thought didn't reach her face, "I've never regretted that decision, Minami-chan. But it wouldn't have been life-ending if it wasn't. I think what matters most is that you want to, they want to, and you're both careful if you're not sure you want a baby."

"I will never regret what I was gifted," Shinji shrugged, looking at his wife with pride in her for admitting her own guilt. "Especially since we're able to forgive each other for being human." Reaching across the table, he offered his free hand to her, "After all, she was right. I do kind of enjoy going on dates with her, and someone else. I don't have to carry the conversation as much."

Eagerly accepting his touch, she let her love for him shine through, "It's fun! I told you that you'd understand, one day."

Minami blinked, looking between them rapidly, "D-date?"

"Oh," Hikari pretended to be disappointed, eager to play now that Shinji had finally indicated he was willing to kiss and make up, "you're not interested in finding out how compatible we are? That's ok, not everyone is able to enjoy everyone quite like I am. I'm sure we can still be great friends."

"I…I don't…I didn't…." Her eyes were wide as she focused on Shinji, "Y-you?"

"Don't know," he shrugged. "Kind of why I asked you to come out and talk to me. You're not wrong that you're beautiful, but that's all you relied on when you tried to flirt with me. I'm interested in the person that cheered happily when I caught the snake in the claw machine. Who cheered Yang on when she was winning at the driving game. Maybe you are the kind of person that my family would enjoy having around, I won't know unless I spend time getting to know you."

His wife stepped in to help lay out the situation, "Our family is big, Minami-chan. There are a lot of women, with a lot of different personalities, all of whom work to lift each other higher. We fight, because we're human, but that's not the 'normal business' we engage in. If Suzuka, who is someone we love dearly and deeply, needs help on my date night with him? You bet your cute butt I'm going to drop what we were doing to help him help her. If Kelly needs to complain because he's not been able to get together with her? I'll listen, and do what I can to help her. I'm married to Shinji, but I'm _dedicated_ to our family."

"Do…do you _all_ …." She rocked her head side to side, "You know…."

"No. Does he, with everyone? Yes. Does everyone with everyone? No. Unfortunately, and I truly mean that, not all of the women in the household are open to my offers. Not all of them are open to each other's. Some are interested in one woman, some none. The important thing is, they're all willing to work for everyone's benefit. I am friends with every single woman in my household, or am working on becoming one. Just recently, we've had a few additions that have needed a lot of extra care for the situations they came to us from. That means everyone stops what we're doing and gives it to them. Shinji just can't stop everything he's doing every time something goes wrong, it's part of who he is, and part of who he's becoming." Sitting back as the desserts arrived, she shrugged, "Like he said, we can't know until we've had a chance to learn."

+++++ 15th Angel + 6: Wednesday, November 30th (125)

"This is insane," Kiyomi looked through the notes she'd gathered. "His list of actions against the enemy alone should have his uniform listing hilariously to the left. There's no way that I can put most of this into his bio, nobody would be able to read it for the classification, and those that did wouldn't believe a word of it!"

Misato watched the woman's face continue to range through a variety of emotional states, "Which is why it needs to be written out. People are going to assume that he was propped up on trumped up accounts of fictitious battles against weak enemies. He has breezed through fights that literally no one else would have won. He has barely pulled out victories that would have destroyed the world if he'd failed. Everything in between, the outliers, the struggles, the pain and suffering he has endured _must_ come out. When the last Angel falls, I will release it myself to the world. I will make it my resignation letter if necessary, and I will dare the UN to lock me up for letting humanity know what their savior suffered through for them."

The Army Major looked askance at her superior, "Then why have _me_ write it out?"

"I'm not, your CO is. I'm just asking for a copy 'for the record', that I'll 'accidentally' make available on every listserv globally when we win…or lose. Either way."

It was Kiyomi's phone that chirped this time, and she looked down to see that her concern was coming home, "He's inbound. I'm going to cut out, with these redacted copies if you don't mind? I've got to catch up on my work, get this written…." Her hands worked busily to gather up the papers, "Tell him I'll take a raincheck on dinner. I have my orders, and if he's the kind of man everyone thinks he is, he'll let a lady cash in on that check when she's not eyeballs deep in work."

"Your loss," Misato wasn't going to push, all she knew was Hikari wanted the woman to know that there might be interest there.

"I'm sure it would be," standing with her briefcase organized, she nodded tightly. "But if he can't wait for another night for me, then I'm clearly not the woman for him. It's a two-way street, and I know what I am worth."

Watching the woman walk away, the lavender-haired sub-commander grinned, "Now she's starting to interest me."

+++++ 15th Angel + 6: Wednesday, November 30th (125)

Laying against her husband, Hikari was truly happy for the first time that day. She'd been content, certainly. Pleased, without question. But sitting in a military vehicle as it moved along the streets, surrounded by other vehicles that were filled with armed death, she was happy. Not for the leather and steel that encased them, but because Shinji held her close. Everything she'd done, everything she'd kept from him for fear that it would be too much, he'd forgiven her for. It would take him some time to get over his anger, but he wasn't the type of man to be _bitter_ and angry for long.

"I'm somewhat surprised to find that she's renting a room from one of Suzuki's properties," Shinji idly ran his hand along her leg. "It's fortunate, in a way. It'll become common knowledge before long that she's our friend, which means that she could be a target for anyone from criminals to journalists." Squeezing her knee, he added after a moment, "I just hope she doesn't hate me for asking to get to know her."

"Can I ask why you want to, without you thinking I'm second-guessing you?" Setting her head against his shoulder, she kept her trust in him out front, "What do you think she provides, to you, or the house? She's attractive, certainly, and surprisingly excitable for someone who exuded such an aloof demeanor before we spent time together in the arcade. I don't doubt that she'd be fun to play games with, or to go shopping with. But that's also true of most every other woman we live with. I'm not saying 'No', she…didn't get a fair evaluation from me the first time, I'm just wanting to know my husband's mind."

Trust and truth had to remain two-way streets, and as…petty as his answer was, it was a part of the whole truth, "Because I get the feeling that Creation didn't, and doesn't, want her to be a part of my life. All three of you, the ladies that go to school with me, reacted badly to my bringing her over at the arcade. You pretended to be ok with it, Yang was diplomatic about it, and Tsuru was 'farm nice' about it. Minami used what is likely the worst technique to seduce me possible, then badmouthed all three of you to my face. When, instead of letting her wallow in pain and anger, I offered her friendship and help…she changed." He let his body relax against the back of the seat, "Just like everyone has. When I'm awake, active, and trying…everyone around me is better. Nicer. _Kinder._ It's only the truly irredeemable that aren't. But look at what happened in the manor, at school. I'm sure if you asked, you'd find that it happened around the city. I went down, and so did everyone's cooperation. I don't think Creation has as much control as we thought it did…and I wanted to thumb my nose at it and save _one_ woman that it didn't want me to."

She was both surprised and impressed, "So…if she doesn't work out?"

He looked down at her with total sincerity, "It'll be a shame, because I kind of like who she is under the insecurities and pain, and the way she bounces her hip in time with any song she's hearing is kind of cute. But I think if we can stay friends with her despite what Creation is doing, she'll find someone nicer than she would have otherwise by listening to us build her up instead of take from her and tear her down. Which means I win, either way."

"You know you are a lot more devious than you make yourself out to be, my love."

"For better or worse, I am my parents' son." When the vehicle stopped at the front of the house, he let the Private exit the passenger seat and hold the door open with a sharp salute. Stepping out and returning the gesture, he helped his Princess from the vehicle, "Thank you, ma'am. Please be safe, and good luck on your promotion board tomorrow."

Hikari took note of the surprised glint in the young woman's eyes, and the way she seemed to stand all the straighter for receiving a simple gesture of kindness, _How did you know she was testing tomorrow?_

 _It's all she could think of, on the way here. She's nervous, because instead of studying more she was out protecting you. I'm…starting to hear people's thoughts more clearly. The songs are adding lyrics. It's worrying._ Opening the door to his own house, he bowed politely and gestured for the premiere woman in his heart to enter first, "After you, Your Grace."

She realized suddenly that he wasn't wrong. When he was around, everything felt that much better. A simple compliment, a teasing compliment, even a backhanded compliment made her want to be _more_ for him. His fears that he was controlling people weren't unfounded, but she couldn't bring herself to believe that she'd have ever chosen any other path even knowing that. She had freedom, he gave it to her. She simply chose the path that led to the greater good for mankind, for him, and for her. Walking into the house with her chin up, she announced to everyone present, "We're home."

Following behind, Shinji braced himself to handle the necessary before he tackled the essential, intending to then follow on to the mandatory whereupon he would try to find time for what he wanted to do. The warm calls of welcome helped him, stinging still despite the lack of slings and arrows. Placing himself before the fish tank, again, he waited for everyone to find a seat, or a place to stand. "Nozomi-chan?"

"She's asleep, Baby," Kodama was hugging Maya, standing behind her at the couch and leaning over to draw comfort from proximity to the one woman she was growing in love with. "Things were a lot too much for her, and Kelly's done what she can. For now, though, some nighttime cold medicine and she's getting some solid rest with the help of Leliel."

The Aspect of Night, seated on thin air beside Akane, nodded, "She won't have any dreams, I promise. A nice blank sleep, so her body doesn't overwork itself."

Blowing out his cheeks, he changed the evening's plan accordingly, "Ok. Then…I'll talk to her later. For now, I want to start out with…." He felt Kyoko's hand rest on the back of his head, from her place on his shoulder. "…Right. I am owed an apology." The memory of his conversations with the raven-haired scientist had, more than once, included an admonition that he could not just apologize his way through life. He needed to expect people to give him the same courtesy he offered them, or all he'd ever be is a pushover. "I am calmer, now. I've spent the day…finding out how terrible things are, making things harder for us, or discovering a potential new friend. Through it all, I've thought about what I learned. I should have been told. It is not that I am _owed_ that information, but that I would have done things far differently to ensure that they were done _properly_. I accepted the responsibility, but was kept blind and ignorant to the dangers therein. I will leave it to your consciences to decide who owes me one, but I am giving you a chance now to present it."

Misato was the first, "I'm sorry. I worried that it would change how you acted, and seeing how you were acting I knew that you were doing the best you could have. It doesn't excuse it, but I hope it explains it."

"Thank you."

Maya was right behind her, "I'm sorry too. This whole situation is outside of my experiences, and I didn't give her or you the best chance at success. I love you both too much to allow that to stand as it did."

"Thank you."

"I knew enough," Hikari, sitting down next to Rei and holding Sakura in her lap added. "I should have been more open about it. I'm sorry, my love."

"…Thank you."

"I was ordered not to say anything," Yang lamented. "Loyalty to my mother…shouldn't have superseded loyalty to you. I'm sorry."

"Thank you."

"Miki-chan is sorry," Mikoto looked down. "Criminal investigations do not allow her to share. Legally, Miki-chan couldn't. Shin-tan still deserves an apology."

"Same thing here," Akane scrubbed at her hair. "The legality and ethics of the situation got real murky with how the adoption process played out."

Nicki nodded, "What we wanted to do, and what we did do, were at odds with one another. I'm not sorry I obeyed the law, I am sorry that it hurt you."

"Thank you, all three of you." Looking around, he sighed, "I guess that's everyone, then?" He looked questioningly at Ritsuko and Suzuka.

His pregnant wife remained working on her blade, "I did not speak of it, as there was nothing you could do. By the time I became aware, the trap had been laid at our feet. After I learned, there was no opportunity where it would not have been either uncouth or untimely. I will not apologize for being a victim of the same crime, though my knowledge arrived sooner. I would simply state that I did not share _kind_ words with our mutual friends regarding keeping that knowledge so close to their vest."

"Fair enough," his wife had her pride, and she was neither totally correct or totally wrong.

Ritsuko chewed harshly on a sucker stick, "I found out today. I was as pissed as you, Shinji. There are _medical_ protocols that we didn't follow, which I have now remedied to my satisfaction."

"Then…thank you all for expressing your regret. I hope we all, at least, learned how destructive secrets are. The keeping of them in this house can damage everything we've worked towards." Setting his hands at his hips, he bowed forward, "That said, I am sorry for raising my voice. For speaking with such venom. I cannot make excuses for the act, for there are none to be made. I promise, I will make every effort to not repeat that childishness." Standing back up tall, he turned and faced a confused Sakura, before urging Kyoko off and settling to his knees to bow even deeper, "Yinghua-chan, I am especially sorry for how I failed you. I know that I could have done better, and promise that I will do everything within my power to protect you so long as I draw breath."

Squirming her way free of Hikari's grip, the youngest member of the house hobbled over and threw herself at Shinji, trying to force him upright, "NO! Get up! You didn't hurt me! You'll never hurt me! You're not them, GET UP!"

Carefully following her request, moving his head so he didn't bonk her with it, he barely got his eyes up before a pair of arms wrapped tight around his throat. He was grateful, after a fashion, that he didn't have to breathe. Her tiny arms, filled with the strength of terror, effectively cut off his ability to take in oxygen, and most of the blood to his brain. Holding her gently, he soothed his hand along her spine, _I can't talk. Little help?_

"Sensei," Rei stated quietly, "I am afraid I cannot see what happened. Did our loved one fall down?"

"O-oh. He's all right, Rei-chan. He was on his knees, begging me to forgive him." Startled out of her fright, Sakura eased back and looked between Shinji and the bluenette, "I…uhm, I'm her sensei now. I'm teaching her about the manor house so that she can walk around without tripping. Hikari-nee put me in charge of Rei-chan and Fuuka-chan, because I've been here longer."

Able to move oxygen past his larynx again, he held her in his lap, "That's a lot of responsibility. If there is anything I can do to help you meet it, will you promise to ask? Just like I ask when I need help."

Anxious worry remained, if better controlled, "You…you won't get on your knees again?"

"Well, if I want _hugs_ I will. I'm a lot taller than you, and it's sometimes better to hug you down here, than it is to lift you all the way up there." Whatever happened, it clearly included what he'd just done somehow, "I like hugging people on their height, sometimes. That's ok, right?"

Wiggling so that she was under his arm, she nodded carefully, "For…for hugs." She frowned, "And homework. Sometimes you have to kneel to be by the table."

Making the broadcast general, he nodded dutifully, _I will kill the next person to hurt her. I want that known. There will be nothing anyone can do to stop me from erasing them from reality. There will be no hereafter, no return to the Ocean. Oblivion will be all that awaits them._

"Oh, that is very sweet," Fuuka covered her mouth, aghast that she'd spoken out of turn.

"…Right." Carefully scooping the small girl in his arms, he stood upright and held her on his hip, "Which brings us to the next point of order. I am certain that, in my absence, everyone has been briefed on our new tenant. In my anger, I somehow triggered the bond. It was unintentional, accidental, and inexcusable." Taking a deep breath in preparation, he looked down to his precious cargo, "Yinghua-chan…Fuuka-chan has experienced a tragedy of a different kind. All her life, the woman who birthed her made her believe that she was only useful for one thing. She was trained, day in, day out, to act as if she were little better than living furniture. Her purpose was to be beautiful, to be silent, and to submit to whatever husband she was eventually sold to. This was _terrible_. My actions…were no less so. What I did, by becoming angry, stole her future. I made an inexcusable mistake."

Her fragile eyes became pained, "Because you were angry when they told you what _they_ did…to me?"

"It is not your fault. My loss of control is not a reflection on you. But she, like you, is now my responsibility. I want you to take this to heart, ok? No human should ever, _ever_ , claim ownership of another. The bonds I have, with the wonderful, brilliant, capable women in this house? They are rooted in darkness, and only through working harder than I ever can…can I be in any small way worthy of what they sacrifice for me. One day, when you find the person you love more than any on Earth, I want you to remember to ask yourself: will they give as much to you as they take from you?" He watched as his statement worked its way through her mind, "I have taken so much from them. So what does that mean?"

"That you…you will give them everything?"

His heart ached at the honest sincerity of her response, "Just so. But first, I need to give her an apology. Can I ask that you go into the kitchen with Yang-nee? The two of you will start dinner, because we're having a guest in an hour. I'll be in once I'm done apologizing."

Hugging him tight, she whispered, "I love you, Shinji. You aren't them. You won't ever be them. I know it." Allowing him to help her down, she hobbled towards the kitchen, Yang watching carefully to prevent her from falling and hurting herself.

Waiting until they were alone, he switched to the mental channel and included everyone, _Long story short, I'm the world's most glorious asshole._ Reaching up and catching Kyoko's hand, he stopped her from slapping him, _I want you, right now, to look me in the eye and say that what I did was a 'good thing'. Justified in my anger, or not, I once again allowed it to control my actions. The first time I became enraged, I nearly set Ogawa on fire. It took a combined effort between those Aspects I had and Rose to stop. The second time, I nearly got myself, Maya, Nozomi, Suzuka, and my daughters killed. Rose and Amy were both put in harm's way. Everyone was at risk should I have actually died. Now, after not learning the lesson both of those times, I lost control again. I am now no better, morally, than Toji. I have taken Fuuka against her will, without any hope of gaining informed consent, and will forever deal with those consequences._

 _That is not technically correct,_ Rei spoke into the brief pause.

Misato, praying that there was a follow up to that statement, encouraged her to continue, _How do you mean, Rei-chan?_

Reaching to her side, where Fuuka had placed herself to help guide her steps should they need to move, the First Child took her hand, _She is neither feeble, nor infirm. Her mind is quite capable of rational thought, she simply chooses not to engage in actions without approval. Her conditioning is not such that it renders her incapable of choosing, again she chooses not to. Her life is as it is, she accepts that it will end as it ends. I have spent much of the day discussing with her what has happened, and I believe she has an opinion of her own on the matter._ A small shrug, the merest lift of her shoulders, _She chooses not to voice it, as it would contradict you, which is something she believes incorrect to do._

Shinji shook his head, _I said 'informed' consent. She can consent all she wants, but she was a prisoner. I didn't ask, she didn't have the chance to say 'No'._

As unfamiliar as she was with hearing voices in her head, Fuuka preferred to attempt speaking aloud instead, "I…would have said 'Yes'." With her eyes on her knees, she was the picture of contrition, "I apologize, Shinji-sama, that I was unable to appropriately convey my intent downstairs while asking your assistance with aiding dear Yinghua-chan. My hope, now met, was that I would be able to demonstrate my acceptance of 'external motivation' so that you would correctly understand my desire to move towards a more complete union. As I understand it, as explained by the dear lady Xu-sama employed to speak with me, I lack what is known as 'internal motivation'. To gain this technique, I required mastering 'external motivation'. The 'external' would allow me to seek out what I truly desired, as opposed to what I have learned to desire, by granting me experiences to enjoy or to learn from. The 'internal' would have allowed me to choose which experiences to strive towards."

"Since we are speaking aloud, I will do the same." Rei tapped her own chest, "During my studies into the various ethical and moral questions you and I face with our unclear genetic relations, I came across the issue you are now laboring on. In many societies, during crises that imperiled the population to the degree that more children than are typical were required, the age of marriage would be lowered so that social mores were maintained as social standards were eased. Arrangements were common, where one bride, willing or no, and one husband, willing or no, would be joined in an effort to increase population. As we are now facing a crisis where global populations are decreasing, and the male segment of the population is decreasing faster than the female, the social standards for marriage have been lowered. Logically, within five years I would anticipate a series of programs aimed at encouraging younger and younger men and women to attempt procreation within a legal union."

"Two years," Ritsuko corrected. "If we wait five, there's an eighty three percent chance that gatherings like ours will become nearly mandatory in certain areas. The studies continue to come in, in scientific journals."

"The UN has already begun drafting resolutions," Mikoto added. "It has become an international security issue, as fewer and fewer men may be safely risked to secure against piracy, human trafficking, drug trade, and invasions over resources." She looked to Shinji, "Remember, Miki-chan has a Doctorate too."

"Why are you justifying what I did?" Shinji scowled, "I don't care about other people's low standards, I care about mine!"

"We aren't justifying it," Misato leaned forward. "We're saying that if Creation wanted this, it was going to happen. That of all of the situations she might have ended up in, ours is far from the worst. That intent matters. What were you thinking when it happened? What was going through your head?"

"I was angry. At everyone for hiding something this important from me. She'd brought me information that I should have had, I was going to thank her for it. I wanted to apologize for seeming like I was angry at her, because she was acting like I was angry at her. She was apologizing for 'bothering me' when the only reason I didn't want to see her was because I didn't want _exactly what happened_ to be a possibility!" Gesturing towards her, he kept his eyes on Misato, "Tell me how I'm different than Toji. I didn't ask her. Losing control isn't an excuse for drunk people, it's not an excuse for me. I'm the closest thing to a living weapon of mass destruction, and now I'm just going around binding souls to me at random."

"She said yes, beforehand and afterwards," Hikari asserted. "She came here seeking out what you did. She didn't believe it was your _actual_ souls that would be tied together, sure, but she wanted to find a way to convince you to take her in. Stop reacting, and start _listening_. Have you asked her how she feels about it? You're so worried about her victimization that you haven't even bothered to check if she feels victimized!"

Turning his attention to the latest challenge, Shinji continued to dig his hole deeper, "That's because of what I talked to you about tonight. So long as I'm active, without the key stopping me from moving, everyone's just going to do what I want. I'm controlling them. I could backhand Nicki and she'd tell me she was happy about it."

The blonde agent scoffed, "The hell I would. I'd kick you in the sack, Sugar. I'll put up with a lot, for love, but abuse isn't on the menu in _any_ direction."

Akane tapped her knuckles against the younger woman's shoulder, "I'd join the tussle. It'd mean you'd have stopped being you, kid. We're not going to let that happen, and if it becomes necessary we'll shut you down hard. We're patient with you, because we see the mountain you're holding up and the snow falling heavy and thick over the top of it. If you were like this in calm times, we'd have a talk about that temper. Right now? You're finding your feet."

 _I/We. Believe/Feel. You. Mistaken/Misinformed._ Shamshel floated near Kodama, one long tentacle on her back in support of the busty nurse's affections for Maya. _World/People. Not. Puppets/Mindless._

Matarael, comfortable on Kelly's shoulder, attempted to help his sibling, _Shamshel can make amazing things happen, Great One. They can't control minds. What our family, here, experienced when you were put into stasis was a reversion to a world without your grace. Shamshel radiates out your hope, your love. Any worthy being living inside of such overwhelming peace simply wishes to do and be better. If you could control people, you'd start with yourself, wouldn't you? There was no hope, no love in a world without you in it, that was the only thing that was lost._

Ramiel, from his position floating above Suzuka's knee stepped in, _A being seeks comfort; the greater the need, the greater the comfort they seek. The comfort you provide is immense, as was the poor child's tragedy. It is why we accept our place in your being so easily. We are comforted deeply by your presence, it only makes sense that those we are tied to do as well._

Arael huffed, stamping her foot on the coffee table, _It is irrational for you to believe yourself capable of such mastery when you lack the capacity to even compel those who love you to do as you say. If you were able to control them, would they not stay away from you? Would they not seek out life beyond your touch? If you were able to control them, would they not agree with you that you were a monster? You feel deeply this is true, yet they feel deeply it is not. That you now have The Lover by your side is distinctly not what you desired, yet it happened regardless of your stated desires._

"The Lover?" Shinji's face radiated disbelief, "She scarcely knows me, how could she possibly _love_ me?"

"How indeed." Kelly's temper had grown the longer she listened to him speak, and it had reached a tipping point, "There are times, mo shíorghrá, where I wonder why any of us love you as we do. To hear you speak, we're all either goddesses made flesh or mindless puppets. We're all too perfect for you, or millstones about your neck. We were making progress, before you were stabbed, in convincing you to accept our love. We started making progress again last night. Then, as happens in our lives, more challenges crested the horizon. Once again, you fight against them! How many times are we going to repeat this idiotic song and dance before you accept that we have only so much control over our lives? Did any of us, _any one_ of us, say a word about what happened with this poor girl?" As he opened his mouth to retort, she pointed at him, "No. Because we knew that you can't control the bonding as well as you'd like, and she has been excited, _excited_ mind, to speak to each of us. She took to little Yinghua like a natural, she's cleaved to Rei like a lamb to its mother, and never a word but how happy she was for her lot. Until now," her finger moved to the young woman in question, "when you're acting like you hate her." His mouth opened again, and her finger zipped back to silence him, "You've said several times that you didn't want this to happen. You've said several times that you didn't want her around. You don't get to take those words back, Shinji. Instead, how about you try some more of what you gave Yinghua, hmm? How about you reach for the rope that your family's thrown to you and start pulling yourself back to the ship where you belong. Sharpish."

"I wanted for her the same thing I wanted for you," he snapped. "The freedom to choose! It's the same thing I want for Yinghua, the same thing I want for Nozomi, the same thing I want for every human on Earth! I'm angry because my anger took that from her. All of you are sitting here telling me it's not my fault when _I'm the one that pulled the trigger!_ "

Maya kept her voice even, not wanting to feed her husband's wrath, "Unintentionally, by being manipulated, after a great deal of disharmony was created, and through an attempted act of kindness."

He felt Kyoko's hand touch the back of his head, gently. He felt the anger drain, replaced by pain and sorrow. Swallowing, a lump growing in his throat, he looked to the woman who'd all but declared this would happen, "Et tu, Brute?" There were no victory conditions now. He'd tried to make it clear that he was wrong for what he'd done, and the only audience that would listen was opposed. He'd tried to guide them towards the necessary, and he'd failed. "…Then fall, Caesar." Turning to the young woman in question, he dropped to his knees once more, places his hands on his thighs, and bowed, "I do not know what a broken man can offer you, Fuuka Hayakawa, but what I have is yours. Ask what you will of me, and I will do what I must to provide it. The rest…the ladies of the Manor could do a far better job of showing you."

After he'd stood, heading to the kitchen to fulfill another promise he'd made, the room remained silent. Frustration, anger, and pain had been transferred from him to those who listened to him. Their work for the day undercut. Eventually, in a quiet voice, Fuuka unintentionally set the room back in motion, "I…I would like for him to be happy."

"So do all of us, Fuuka-chan." Hikari stood, taking Shinji's place at the front of the room, "Ok, ladies. We all know what happened here tonight. A good man, with a good heart, frustrated by his inability to control anything in his life, has had a bad several months, and a bad reaction to the most recent set of events. All of us are, however, in control of how we react. _We_ have the power to remain positive. _We_ can share that power with him, and surround him with a happy household again. I know that I am going to welcome Fuuka-chan with open arms, and do what I can to make certain that she grows and becomes a strong, happy, part of our family. I am overjoyed that Rei-chan has returned to us. Not everything is bad, not everything is doom and gloom. We're still going to move forward with our plan, so shake this off and get back out there to do your part."

Misato slapped her legs, avoiding Sachiel who had perched on her knee in his diminutive form, "She's right. He's been setting the tone for the house, and we've been amplifying his pain. Fuuka-chan has the right idea. A happy husband means a happy home. There are fourteen of us here, a whole host of Aspects who've started supporting us actively, and _one_ of him. He can't hope to stop all of our happiness, if we work together and smother him with it."

Rei still did not have her orders, "What would you have us do, Class Representative, Sub-Commander?"

"One, call me Hikari before I put you over my knee and enjoy myself too much." The Princess gave the young woman a smile she couldn't see, "Two, both you and Fuuka-chan need to go to the dining table and begin working on schoolwork in plain sight. Don't be obnoxious about it, just make it plain that you are both a part of the house now. Have her read you what we've been working on, you teach her what it is that she doesn't understand. I'm going to ask Yang to answer some questions you ask about the curriculum, so that he's involved by proximity. That will wedge the door open enough that over dinner we'll start talking about school. After that…."

Many of the women in the household were far older than Hikari was. Each, regardless, recognized a solid plan when they heard one. As she continued laying out their objectives, they agreed that it was a well-organized campaign with a single purpose: stop their husband from continuing on a path to destruction at all costs.

+++++ Author's Notes:

TripleF: RE: The End.

It's going to be weird to write those words, when I get there.

Martial Arts Master: RE: Mooninites.

It made sense, in a reality where everything is descended from one of two strains, that the Adam strain would require a much different source of energy than the Lilith strain. Kind of a self-perpetuating cycle. Perform heroic deeds, earn veneration, become powerful enough to perform more heroic deeds, earn more veneration. That's the kind of evolution that would be selected for, as it's very adaptable to changing environments.

Ghost Man: RE: Crossover.

It's going to happen, my friend.


	142. Chapter 142

+++++ 15th Angel + 6: Wednesday, November 30th (125)

Sachiko, a woman who tended towards easy-going unless someone required a reminder that 'nice' was not 'weak', had spent far too long preparing to attend a dinner in a household that remained a mystery despite being nearly transparent. She knew that there was more at work inside than a _very_ attractive man who was dark and brooding, gentle unless his family was threatened, intelligent without being snobbish, talented without being narcissistic, strong without- Ripping her mind away from dwelling on the man of the house, the man she was sworn to protect despite him not needing her protection, she refocused on her plan. She was a guest, even if she was also technically a subordinate, and also technically a servant, and so she'd brought a gift for the household. It wasn't much, Captains didn't make a lot of money, but she hoped it would be enough to share with the family. Pressing the doorbell, she reminded herself once more, _He invited me for a reason. He asked that I wear civvies. He needs me to help. Don't hum Anpanman out loud._

Appearing in the doorway was a reminder that there was more than one extremely attractive woman in the household, and a plain woman like her would never rate in his eyes. Kodama, bubbly and dressed in 'smart casual', greeted her with enthusiasm, "Thank you so much for coming tonight, Sachiko-san. I can call you Sachiko, can't I? You've done so much to help us keep the kids safe. Come in, come in," urging her into the house, she barely let her kick off her shoes before moving her into the house proper. "How wonderful, you brought something to share!" Taking the box of jam-filled breads, she inhaled deeply, unintentionally showing off her superior firepower, "Oh, I love these. I shouldn't because of how much I have to work out after having one, but I do." Humming the theme song from Anpanman, seemingly taunting Sachiko unawares, she set the tray down on the coffee table, "We'll have those with some drinks in a bit. You know Kelly, don't you? Kelly, I need to go help, could you get Sachiko-san ready?"

"Of course, dear," kissing Kodama's cheeks, the redhead stepped in and kept the offensive going. Urging Captain Ozaki towards the hall, she lowered her voice, "Need to ask you to change your clothes, ma'am. Terribly sorry, I'm not trying to impugn your wardrobe because I know what it's like to have limited space on a deployment. Tonight, we're trying for a certain feel, and 'Business Professional' isn't it." Opening the door to her bedroom, where Hikari awaited, Shinji's Executive Assistant performed the next handoff, "Here she is, Love. I'm going to finish helping Yinghua get dressed, make sure that she's ok."

Hikari blew a kiss to the Irishwoman and urged Sachiko to step into the room, "I hope you don't mind changing in front of me, because our timeline is a bit short and I need to brief you on our plan." Gesturing to a perfectly fitted set of clothes laying out on Kelly's bed, she smiled with the air of a woman that would not be denied, "I'll turn my back, of course, but dinner is coming quickly." Making good on her word, she turned about and begun to describe the situation they were facing.

The clothes before her had to have borne a price tag that Sachiko couldn't have managed with three months' pay. Panties in a cut that she secretly adored but never wore due to the lack of someone to wear them for, of a cloth that had to have been designed by the kami themselves. Calf-high stockings that she swore wouldn't tear if she took her knife to them, yet were so sheer as to be nearly transparent. A breathable bra that cradled her less-than-stellar attributes gently, but still somehow managed to make them seem more prominent than they were. Slacks that, after she slipped into them and caught sight of herself in the mirror reminded her that her hips would forever be her best weapon, without making it seem like she was dressing intentionally seductively. A sleeveless button-up dress shirt that had no top button to hold the collar together, granting just a hint of cleavage that she didn't believe she had while still seeming respectfully tasteful. All tied together with a belt that appeared braided in a fashion that shouldn't have been physically possible. Looking at herself, now fully dressed, she had one thought, _I am so glad I shaved._

Without being prompted, Hikari turned around and beamed, "Lovely. You _are_ quite the treat, Sachiko-san. It's a shame the uniforms you all wear hide that." Quickly packing all of her old clothes into a box she'd apparently pulled from thin air, she smiled charmingly, "I'll leave this under your shoes, so that way you can take them back with you without having to change. It was a lovely outfit, but not what we're needing for the evening."

Managing her first words since she'd entered the house, she promised, "I'll make sure to get these back to you."

"Oh, no, no," waving off the idea, she urged her back out into the hallway, "those are yours now. They look far too delicious on you to have anyone else keep them. Just promise to wear them again where I can see it, hmm?" With the neatly-packed box under one arm, she laced her other through her guest's, "So, while he's managing what he hoped to by inviting you to dinner, we would appreciate it if you left the military on the other side of the door. He didn't ask you here expecting you to salute and sit at attention, he invited you here because he's determined you are trustworthy. Here, I'll go set these aside for now. Suzuka, would you like to 'talk shop' with our guest for a bit?"

"Of course," pressing a soft, but not entirely chaste, kiss to her junior's lips, the swordswoman moved towards Sachiko in a manner that bespoke her growing pregnancy. "I see, you have not sacrificed femininity at the altar of martial service. Your arms show signs of aggressive training, perhaps you prefer the knife?" Gesturing down to the woman's calf, she smiled confidently, "Might I see your weapon of choice?"

Kneeling was astonishingly easy in the clothes she wore, the fabric giving a range of motion that just should not have been possible! Sliding up her pant leg, she unsheathed her personal blade and offered it professionally to a woman she knew would beat her into the ground with it if she wanted to. A logjam of words blockaded her throat, there was so much that she wanted to know but didn't know if the refined, elegant, and deadly woman before her would take offense. She was carrying his children for Uncle Jam's sake!

Testing the balance and finding it acceptable, Suzuka performed a few flourishes to twist the blade and see how it handled in motion, "Workman. Not showy or flashy. I'm pleased to see that you didn't decide to carry a serrated blade, always catches on the ribs at the worst possible time. If you must cut a rope with this it is either an emergency, or you have the time to search for a proper tool. 'Meant for everything is good at nothing', as they say." Offering the instrument back, she nodded, "An excellent choice for defending the little ones, it meets with my approval."

Replacing the knife in its sheath, she once again asked something other than what she thought she should have, "How has your pregnancy been, ma'am?"

"Trying. Though the first usually is," stepping aside and gesturing to the table, she moved them on. "I'll leave you with the kunoichi. I'm glad we could have this time to chat." Flowing off towards Ritsuko, she ended the conversation before it had a chance to gain steam.

"C'mere, Cap," Akane rolled her fingers in a grabbing motion. "Need to check some RUMINT by you."

Hurrying over, and feeling increasingly like a cadet at their first ball, she tripped up for the first time by hitting parade rest before who she knew was a superior officer, "What can I do to help, ma'am?"

"Drop the formality," Nicki whispered tersely. "Relax."

"We're all friends here tonight, lady," Akane backed her fellow agent up, eyeing the Captain hard. "Now, we heard that Alpha's CO sent a report regarding Charlie fucking up. Any merit to that?"

Surprised that word hadn't been spread around the Manor by Shinji or Mikoto, she nodded cautiously, "She moved for her pistol when he reacted poorly to hearing Rainbow wasn't in his AO. Had one in the chamber. If she's violating rules, we can't trust that her kids aren't. We're all nervous, sure, but an unintentional discharge around civvies wouldn't endear us to Shinji. A fatality because of the same? We'd be lucky to stop him from erasing her on the spot. I think the Major made the right call, because I sent my own report on the matter."

"Good," Akane grunted, the test passed, her honesty and perspective in line with expectations.

Nicolette smiled disarmingly, "I'm glad to see that you understand how we're all meant to support him, even if our jobs sometimes put us in harm's way. When he started using your name, and Major Honda's, it meant we could relax some in that he trusted you. Still need to find someone for Charlie that wants to be a part of the solution instead of a glory hound, though."

"Sachiko-nee?" Sakura's voice drew everyone's attentions, and their smiles, "Wow! You're really pretty tonight!" Hobbling over from the hall, she was freshly cleaned and dressed, "I'm happy you could come to dinner tonight. It's been a bad day, but Kelly-nee says that sharing bad days with friends makes them not so bad."

Grinning happily, the Captain demonstrated the reason Shinji had asked her over that evening, "Hey, yourself. You look fantastic, Yinghua-chan. Did you wash your hands?" Receiving an earnest nod, she tilted her head and eyed her significantly, "Did you sing the first half of Sazae-san like I told you?"

"She absolutely did," Kelly joined the conversation, smoothing down a stray hair on the youth's head. "Even got me to sing with her. Really makes you remember to slow down and get your nails clean."

"Outstanding," reaching out and tapping her knuckle under Sakura's chin, she grinned broadly. "Hygiene is a soldier's most important defense against unreadiness. And what's on our hands ends up in our mouths. I'm sure your nee-san," she gestured to the agents, "learned the same thing."

"Loudly, and frequently," Akane added, sitting down sideways in her chair to not loom over the much shorter girl. "So, kiddo, what's for chow tonight?"

"Chestnut yakitori, kenchin jiru, yamakake soba, and tenmusu." Her reply was slower, remembering what she'd helped make, "Rei-nee is a vegi…vegeta…she doesn't eat meat. We had to make four dishes to make sure she had more than one she could enjoy." Looking to their guest, her concern shone through, "We aren't wasteful, promise."

"I am a vegetarian," Rei announced her presence by providing the correct word. "I am grateful that you made accommodations for my preferences, sensei."

"Oh, no no," Sakura turned and waved her hands, forgetting that the other woman couldn't see. "We're not in class right now, Rei-nee! Remember, we agreed that I would be sensei during class, and Yinghua outside of class. That way I can call you nee-san sometimes." Turning back, she bounced excitedly, "These are my students, during class hours, Sachiko-nee! This is Rei-nee, and Fuuka-nee. Rei-nee was in the hospital, like I used to be, so she couldn't be here with us. Fuuka-nee came here because her family was mean, like mine. We have things in common, and I get to help them learn where everything is, and how we split the chores, and in return they teach me how to not be so bad at math."

Yang called from the kitchen, "妹妹, need small hands!"

"Oh, coming!" Bowing her apology, she left a bemused group of elders behind.

"Haven't seen a smile like that on her face for a while," Sachiko announced cheerfully. "I'm glad that whatever happened today didn't infect her. Kids can be quick to pick up on problems." Lowering her voice, she took a guess, "Which is why I'm guessing the other half of Rainbow isn't here?"

"Nozomi-chan is struggling with recent events," Rei stated diplomatically. "We felt it might be best to let her sleep through the evening, so that her mind was given a fresh opportunity to begin processing the traumatic experiences. Nurse Ikari has been attentive in checking every hour to be certain that the dosage of medication has not produced any unintended side effects, and that her rest has not been disturbed by nightmares."

"Poor girl." Remembering that the household was trying not to dwell on such matters, she attempted to shift the conversation that she suddenly seemed responsible for back onto happier topics, "I am pleased to hear about your recovery, Pilot. There was more than one rumor going around that we'd lost you, and I can't say how happy I am that those were so much nonsense."

"I believe the saying is 'The love of a good man can heal many wounds', Captain. I owe my presence here to Shinji's refusal to accept anything less. It is not incorrect, however, to say that Tsuru-chan had a part to play as well. My living situation has continued to improve, as Fuuka-chan intends to act as my eyes until I am better prepared to navigate life, or my sight is restored." Patting the hand of the woman who held her elbow, she allowed a small smile to touch her lips, "We have much in common, and are becoming fast friends."

The reserved beauty demurred, "It is only right that I provide what aid I can to Shinji-sama's family. He has been most gracious in offering me both shelter and comforts beyond what I deserve."

Sachiko couldn't dismiss the attitude, though she worried at the tenor, "Service to others is a noble profession, miss. You'll never go wrong around this place by doing your best to make sure people are taken care of. His Grace is always first in line to extend a hand to those who need one, that I've seen."

" _Shinji_ ," Akane emphasized the distinction, "is about to bring out dinner. Let's find our seats, ladies. Mikoto's hungry, and a hungry Miki is a grumpy Miki."

Effectively herded into a seat one away from Shinji, just beside Maya and across from where Sakura would sit, Captain Ozaki marveled at the coordination and efficiency of dinner being apportioned. Without visible signals or spoken words plates, cups, bowls, and saucers were filled. Those parceling out the food seemed to know who, including her, wanted what, how much, and where. Extras of everything were then set closer to where those who would need or want it could ask for it, and without once looking, everyone seemed to wait for the foreign former military officer to say a quick prayer.

Seated at the head of the table, and clearly battling depression, Shinji announced the commencement of the meal, "I hope you all enjoy it. Yinghua-chan did a fantastic job helping Yang make this. I just added what I could after most of the heavy lifting had been done. All credit should go to them."

"She chose the dishes," Yang gestured with her off-hand to Sakura. "Wanted to make sure that everyone ate something warmer, with how chilly it's been getting lately."

"I love tenmusu," Misato declared. "So I'm already sold on things."

Everyone began eating, small crosstalk starting up to keep the mood rising. She could feel the coordination, but couldn't determine the signals being used. Sachiko's training, before she entered the command track, was at a base that housed the communications units and she heard more than one discussion on hiding things in plain sight, but nothing she saw indicated anything useful.

"Sachiko-nee," Sakura sat very still, nervousness on her face, "how do you like it? I don't know what you prefer, so I hope it's ok."

"Actually, I'm not that picky an eater," her parents had made sure to slowly introduce her to everything possible. Intending to set her on a path for success from an early age. "So I'll eat just about anything, except things that are too sweet. Just seems to hurt my teeth, and they're not that good for me anyway. The kenchin is actually delicious, though, I'd say it's restaurant quality."

Shinji tipped his free hand towards Sakura, "She chose that, and I agree. You two did a great job with it." The comment prompted his mind towards something, and she noted that he looked worriedly towards Rei, "Rei, is everything all right? Do you need anything?"

The bluenette was eating slowly, and paused with her spoon above the bowl, "I am well, Shinji. This will take time adjusting, but my kinesthetic senses are up to the task of eating. Fuuka-chan has been very responsive in helping me adjust my dishes so that I know where they are."

"Thank you…Fuuka," his eyes softened. "I truly appreciate that you're willing to help us."

The young woman's face seemed to light up, as much as someone so reserved could, "It is no trouble at all, Shinji-sama. Rei-sama is a most amusing conversationalist, and has taught me much today."

Opening his mouth, before deciding otherwise, his eyes moved to consider her. Sachiko was curious as to what his thoughts were at that moment, because his eyes took in far more than just her face. _Does he…like what he sees?_ The thought, as illicit as it was, nearly caused her to miss the beginning of his statement.

"Thank you for coming tonight, Sachiko. I appreciate that the military would probably insist on formality, and consider this a 'business dinner', but I'm honestly much more comfortable with how you've chosen to dress." His brow knit for a split second, before he added, "You look much more approachable, with your hair down…metaphorically. If you don't mind, we'll talk shop after dinner. For now, I'd like it if you took the chance to talk to everyone as you can."

She caught his eyes flicker towards Hikari, who smiled almost impudently for a brief instant without looking back at him. The feeling of family was undeniable, and despite being from outside of the Manor, she felt included by everyone…except Shinji. His emotions were clearly suffering from whatever had happened at NERV the day before, and when he looked at her she felt more like a woman, and more like he felt she was a victim. Engaging the woman to her left, she tried to do her part to keep the mood jovial, "I was checking over the news reports this morning, and noticed that your calculations regarding one of the Angels was published in the _Tohoku Mathematical Journal_. The article was really laying on the superlatives, so I'll have to assume that it's something special. Congratulations, ma'am."

Shinji blinked and stated, "You were?"

Simultaneously, Maya gave the same gesture, only paired with, "I was?"

Ritsuko, having been saving the surprise for the next day but pleased to get a 'two-for', lifted her glass, "Quick toast to the first peer reviewed paper for the soon-to-be double Doctor Maya Ikari." After a series of happy cheers, and hoisted drinks, the former blonde continued, "I got approval from Kozo to send your calculations for the Thirteenth. I told him you'd never ask, and that it was a shame because that was fantastic _addition_ to previous work. The person who performed the first analysis missed several critical calculations," she had been that person in another life, and she was well aware of that fact. "That you repaired their errors and adjusted the theory correctly deserves the global recognition you're receiving, including the consideration of it as your doctoral thesis. Tohoku replied first, so they get the premiere edition. Everyone else gets second place, because they were too busy insisting it was impossible to actually check the numbers."

"Speaking of checking numbers," Yang called for attention a little too casually, "we're going to need some help on the lower end of the class rankings with the latest lessons. Since we have all of you math geniuses here publishing papers, could we maybe spend a little time tomorrow with a review session?"

Tsuru, not suited for acting in any sense other than being attractive, played her part by keeping it short, "I agree. I need practice too." Looking down the table, to Hikari, she smiled and shrugged, "If I'm going to enter a Chemistry program, I really need to improve my math scores even higher."

"You see, Sachiko-san," Hikari moved to include their guest in the discussion, "we're taking some cues from the military, after a fashion. We've got a kind of vague command structure, for those times when we need one, but the real lesson was learning how to engage specialized trainers to better improve the entire unit. We don't need everyone to be a master, just having everyone be adept enough to succeed in the absence of one of those masters, right?"

"Absolutely," the Captain agreed eagerly. "We make certain that every soldier from the top to the bottom can at least _qualify_ to perform any of the tasks we would ask a unit to perform. We have specialized soldiers: heavy gunners, grenadiers, sharpshooters. But a basic knowledge of the equipment in play is mandatory, so that if our specialists go down, the equipment isn't so much dead weight. You can only carry so much ammo and material for your own gear, and the enemy may have better logistical control of the theater. Your fallen comrade's LMG might save everyone's life, in a pinch, and if you can't use it you're a weak point."

Misato gestured in approval, "Damn straight. My old armor company had the same theory. Hikari stumbled on the idea just by trying to make sure we were all moving in the right direction, she's coming along as a leader quite nicely. To be honest, it's nice that I don't have to spend as much time 'in charge' at home, since I have to be 'in charge' at work."

"Speaking of 'in charge', we could bring Minami-san here after school tomorrow, and use teaching her as a part of the review." Shinji went to open his mouth, but Hikari powered over him, "If we want to master it, we need to be able to teach it. If we can teach it to _her_ , since she's trying to get back into studying, then we'll all be that much more improved."

"Since she's probably worse than I am, I can try teaching it to her," Yang agreed. "That would free up Shinji to teach Tsuru-chan, and you can help Rei-chan. Fuuka-chan can ask questions on the basics, and we'll all offer her different ways to pick up the material as we can. Who knows, maybe Minami-san has a thing or two she could add for that too."

The Princess once more stomped on Shinji's attempt at entering the conversation, "Could we ask for a ride home for her, Sachiko-san? She'll come with us, sure, but it's a bit of a walk home, and we'll be possibly ending later. If she ends up crashing here, that's not a problem, but I don't want to presume that your team is just a glorified taxi service. It's not like you don't have important military things you're doing, like training and drills and repairing equipment."

"Not a problem at all," the Captain was both impressed that Hikari understood their need for coordination, and that they weren't just sitting around sighing dreamily about the clouds. "We always have a duty driver on standby, in case one of you needs to get to NERV in a hurry. I'm sure it won't throw off the motor schedule that much to have a ten minute drive to wherever and back." She raised her hand slightly, "Though, if she does end up sleeping here, would you please remember to update the CQ? If we need to evacuate, we need to know how many people are being evacuated. One less seat on a transport in an emergency changes a lot of plans." Grinning at Sakura, she pointed playfully, "I can stack two of you to one seat, but larger people like me need a lot of room."

"Nee-san isn't that big," the young girl giggled. "Shinji, though, is _huge_. He'd probably take two seats!"

Confusion hung from Shinji's face, but he still smiled as he spoke to Sakura, "I'd run alongside, anymore. That way I could make sure to protect the precious cargo, like you."

"I'd argue with him, because we'd really rather he be where we can see him," Sachiko held her hands up to her shoulders, "but he'd win the argument. I can't _insist_ he do anything, because unlike you he's not able to be picked up and put under my arm like a sack of squiggly rice."

"Us smaller ladies have to stick together, Yinghua," Nicolette quickly asserted, seeming to be eager to change the topic. "You and I will keep doing those exercises, that way the squiggles have some punch to them!"

"I saw her dance the other day," Kodama moved to support. "It wasn't for very long, she's still a little sore, but that was absolutely adorable." Pulling out her phone, she brought up the video she'd taken and passed it along to their guest for the evening, "Check out my baby sister's moves."

Tapping the prompt to play the video, she recognized the song playing in the background, and bobbed her head in time as what was clearly an exercise in relearning balance was going on. Sachiko was impressed at how fluid the foreigner was in her motions, the kind of practice required amplified by the natural talent she possessed making her slightly jealous. At the end of the short scene, she passed the device back and applauded gently, "Fantastic. I look forward to seeing the full routine when you're ready! Maybe we could find a reputable talent company and see about entering you in an idol competition."

"That," Shinji asserted with concern, "may be a little more challenging than you think."

"If we vet them properly," Akane disagreed, "ask the Shirakami to provide close protection assets, agree to include some of their businesses in compensation, and remind everyone involved that His Grace, the Duke of Chūbu, would take it as a personal insult if anyone thought about harming her, I'm almost positive we could manage it. I've heard her sing. She's raw, but with some training and enough dedication, who knows? I'd not mind travelling with her, myself. If you're worried about trusting someone else with the safety of someone so important to _all of us_ , who better than the best to send?"

Sachiko thought through what the orders would likely become, "She's under our protection too. With what we've been hearing, so long as she's tied to you by either family or living conditions, we're going to be responsible for ensuring her safety. The Colonel has made it pretty clear that the One-One is looking at a lifelong commitment, not only for political purposes but as a way to support your goals, uh…Shinji-san." Her lips bunched off to the side, "Sorry, still getting used to that. 'Sir' or 'ma'am' are trained reactions. _She's_ a 'ma'am'," she gestured to Sakura, "doesn't matter how old she is, it's just how it is. But you asked that I use your name, and I'll try. Anyway," regaining her enthusiasm, she attempted to remove what was clearly being seen as barriers, "half a squad for her, half a squad for Nozomi-chan. If we engage a full squad for each, that leaves time to rotate people out to accomplish training, handle sudden medical issues, other things of that nature. We could even dedicate certain people to the task, now that I think about it." Tapping her lips, she mused and shifted her eyes down to Misato as the 'ranking' person, "I could canvas my people, find out if anyone has any relevant degrees or experience in childcare. Forward them to you, let you run NERV-level background checks. If people volunteer, they'd understand we'd dig through their history well past SSBI-level. Might be good to re-establish positive control over Rainbow. Involve them in the schools they attend. It'd be a boost to our profile, and make up for what you're losing in the UNIGC."

"Get me names, I'll do my part," Misato agreed easily. "Shinji isn't the only angry bear in this house, when someone threatens our little ladies. Mama Misato has no patience for people threatening her cubs."

Shinji was blinking, surprised as she turned back to face him again. The surprise wasn't a negative to Sachiko, but she didn't know for certain that he wasn't upset, "Is something wrong? I'm really not trying to take over, I promise. I just didn't want you thinking things were impossible. Difficult, sure, but if everything was easy you wouldn't need us, right?" She smiled warmly, "We received orders this morning changing this from a TDY to a PCS. That means my assignment to Bravo has been extended from the twelve months to at least twenty four, which should be more than enough time to get a good policy in place with sustainable rotations. Put the requirement up to Battalion, let them seek out qualified candidates, send them our way."

"I…uh, well I was going to ask if we could do…just what you brought up," he was almost bemused. "With everything going on, the UNIGC pulling out, I was worried that they wouldn't have faces they recognized. It's scary enough around here, I wanted them to have a constant presence around them to help create a stable environment." Looking over to Sakura, his smile became pained, "They worry that I'm going to leave them, somehow. Which infects everything else they think. I have to show them that I'm dedicated to being a part of their lives, which starts with providing consistency." Turning back to her, he shrugged, "It's why I asked you here tonight. Kiyomi-san is a good warrior, an excellent commander, and a great person. She just doesn't have the same touch with Team Rainbow you do. I…I don't mean to be rude when I say that I look at you and see someone who would make an excellent mother."

Demanding that her cheeks not glow hot, she responded pleasantly, "That is not at all an offensive compliment, Shinji. Hopefully, someday, I can find both the right time and the right…partner, or I guess partners since your household shows that with the right people that can work out wonderfully too, and have kids of my own." Turning to grin playfully at Sakura again, she leaned closer, "You'll have to help me raise them though. Show them how to be a good kid, like you."

"C-could I?" Looking rapidly around the table, the youngest present found their voice, "C-could I…on a s-stage?"

"Don't see why not," Nicki advocated. "I'd probably trip along with Akane. Keep you safe, help you practice, show you how I succeeded, and how I failed. We've been doing what we've been doing to help you recover, turning it into a goal and letting you show the world how strong you are? I've been a part of worse plans."

Shinji's eyebrows wavered as his mind assaulted the question from multiple angles. It was obvious to see that he wasn't able to maintain his depression in the face of the table's happiness and pep, and just as obvious that he wasn't sure how to process the sudden excitement and interest in something from Sakura. Being a 'good guardian' warred against being realistic warred against being supportive. Eventually, what exited his mouth was, "If…if you want to do this, you have to dedicate yourself. You can't quit because it's hard. You might have to spend time away from all of us, sometimes weeks before you can see us again. Can you promise you won't quit?"

A tiny face suddenly appeared far older than it ought to have, "Will you be there when I come back?"

"If he can," Hikari declared firmly, "he'll be at your performances. He's not saying he won't be there, Yinghua-chan. He's saying that if we, as a family, dedicate resources to you in this…you have to make good use of them. Failing because you aren't talented enough is one thing, failing because you don't want to put in the effort is unacceptable. We're all behind you, whatever you choose, but we don't want to raise someone who quits when it gets tough."

Looking up at the woman to her right, she worked the words through her mind several times. She could show the world how wonderful her life was. She could show millions of little girls that no matter what happened, if you didn't give up you could do anything. She could show the people that hurt her that they don't control her. …She could show Shinji that he gave her everything, just like he'd given to the others. "I'll…I'll need help explaining to Nozomi-chan why I'm not able to play as much. I still need to spend time practicing with Suzuka-nee too, because I promised I would finish what I started."

Sachiko sat back and watched the table switch gears again, impressed in the way that those with talents to call upon stepped up and became animated, and those who could only offer limited support engaged in other smaller conversations. It was quite a crew that had been assembled by the kami, all in the interest of preventing what she'd seen of him that evening. Something was bothering the man at the head of the table, which made it her obligation to try and find ways to help. Keeping her voice low, she offered, "It's great that you're letting her try, at least in my opinion."

"I'd let her do anything. I…I just don't want to make her think that things will always work out." His eyes remained haunted, even as his lip curled into a sad grin, "They don't. There will be pain, hurt, misery…. They're right, though. Quitting, because it gets tough, that's the real failure." Reaching across Maya, he gently laid his hand atop hers, genuine gratitude entering his eyes and his voice, "Thank you. For coming over tonight, for somehow knowing what I was intending and showing it was possible. Most importantly, thank you for bringing a smile to her face again. Ask me for anything, Sachiko Ozaki, and so long as it won't hurt someone that doesn't deserve it, it's yours."

Somehow maintaining her military bearing, despite her heart pounding in her chest, she strangled down the request for a date, "I'll try to make sure it's nothing too onerous. After all, wouldn't do to have Yinghua-chan hate me, you know?"

+++++ 15th Angel + 7: Thursday, December 1st (126)

Hikari stood outside the Manor, with the door closed and their guest for the evening before her. After having enjoyed the breads the Captain had brought as a dessert, and a few entertaining party games, she'd asked Shinji to go speak with their fiancées while she saw Sachiko off to the encampment. "Thank you, Sachiko, for being a good sport tonight. It was overwhelming, I'm sure, but you played your part perfectly. I'm going to back what my husband offered; if there is anything we can do for you, don't hesitate to ask."

"Thank you. I see why you all were so insistent that I speak to everyone beforehand, they were wearing their determination on their sleeves. I'm not sure what else happened, NERV and Major Honda have been keeping secrets from even me, but whatever it was it seems to have taken a toll on him. I'll extend the same offer you've given me, and say that if there is anything I, or Bravo Company, can do to help I'll make sure it gets done." Looking askance, she grimaced slightly and leaned in, "I'm going to need to report the cost of this outfit, though. There's no way I can see something this fantastic being under the five thousand Yen threshold we have for accepting gifts."

"Didn't cost a single Yen," she shrugged. "Honestly. We made it in-house, and since we made it we reserve the right to dispose of it as we choose to. Rather than throw it away, and waste the work that went into it, better that we give the world a glance under the work uniform of one of the most feminine and capable women in the JSSDF. If you need, send the forms to us and we'll sign sworn statements to that effect. We don't sell these things, we don't profit financially from their distribution, and since _We_ are your superior, it is Our right as Duchess to gift them." With a playful shift of her shoulders, she added, "Besides, we benefit just as much from seeing you in them. You shouldn't doubt yourself, you're quite attractive. Shinji certainly thinks so."

Taken aback at the blunt honesty, she looked between the house and the woman before her, "I…."

"It's ok if you're not interested in me. Not everyone in there is. What matters is whether you think you can be a part of the whole, rise to the challenges we'll face, and accept that other people's happiness is just as important as your own. Tonight, he needed your help to replace something that was being taken away from the little ones. Tomorrow, he might need your help pulling a steel bar from his kidney. The next day, I might need help as I cry my eyes out trying to remain strong enough to deal with everything happening. The day after that, I might ask that you join he and I in a bath to make his eyes roll back in his head. Our life is becoming harder and harder, the highs higher and the lows lower. If you know, in your heart, that you would be fine watching him hold Fuuka-chan one day, and Kelly the next. That on those days you're with him, it might be with another woman too because that's how things work out. Ask for that date, enjoy a day out with him and another one or two of us. If it works out, it works out. If it doesn't?" Hikari waved airily, "I'll still love to have you around for party games and good friendship. My husband thus far has had a great eye for both talent and capability."

Sachiko's lips grew taut as she considered the proposal, "When I was young…I wanted to be a hero, like I saw on the TV. I wanted to help people, fight evil, eschew rewards. Not much call for that, when you can't shoot lasers by forming shapes with your arms, so I did the next best thing. In Combat Arms, I get to defend the weak, fight people who are trying to kill others, and serve the greater good." Her voice grew small, "He's…the _greatest_ good. He wants so badly to create a world where people are free to do anything they want. Where people don't hurt people. Where people are fed, and sheltered. I've heard him talk to you, and the others. My kids have too. I just…I'm not ready to give up the chance to do _my_ best. To suffer with my kids through the hard times, to show them how to become better. If I join him, I'm just another woman. I'm not better than any of you, in anything. Akane-san could outfight me, Misato-san could outshoot me, Kodama-san is hotter than me, Kelly-san is a better officer, and you're a much better mother than I could ever be. I don't know my ceiling, yet." Hugging the box containing her own clothes in them to her chest, she allowed the doubt she felt in her heart show through to the much younger woman that suddenly seemed so much older, "I don't know what I might be able to provide to your household that wouldn't just lead to me being ignored for those that are just plain better than me at things." Bowing politely, she vied for time, "As a Company Commander, I have an obligation not to engage in relations while in theater. I'd need to check the regulations anyway, before I could possibly answer you honestly. Good night…and thank you for the honesty."

+++++ 15th Angel + 7: Thursday, December 1st (126)

Shinji sat back at the dining room table, looking at the clock with concern, "You both need your sleep. I'm sure whatever this is can-"

"No," Yang declared firmly. "If this…last…earlier, if earlier proved anything it's that secrets tend to blow up at really bad times and that the more we talk about things the better off we are all going to be. I am here because despite how I think, I would not ever send anyone to stand alone and admit something. I want it known that I love Tsuru dearly, and that I'm opposed to this being an enormous situation where terrible things happen." Squeezing her friend's hands, she looked at her and continued, "She did, however, make a mistake and needs to own up to it."

As bad as the day had been, something was telling Shinji that this 'situation' was being made out to be far more deleterious to harmony than it was going to be. Still, caution advised that he simply fold his hands on the table and state attentively, "I'm listening then. The sooner we start, the sooner I can be certain you both sleep."

Tsuru, riding a wave of nervous energy, could not keep her eyes still. Flicking between the table and him, she haltingly began, "Yesterday…or, the day…the day you were recovering from being…stabbed." Shivering, she frowned at the memory, "Lily…came home. She was, uhm…."

"Not in the best state, if we're being honest," the woman in question appeared nearby, seated on the lip of the table with a pensive expression. "Sorry I wasn't here after I left to find Eve, Lover, but I've been trying to find those damnable sections of the Key. She came back, bragged about how she got a cheap thrill out of your hand on her stomach, and I left before I did something regrettable to her face. Rather than come back worked up, I decided to be useful in another fashion."

Making a grasping motion, Shinji summoned her towards him and the chair at his side, "Sit. If you were involved, it's fair that you're here now to tell your side of things." To explain her statement, he looked to the other two, "I touched Eve to connect myself to Unit-02, and try and speak with Suzuhara-san. It didn't go well, but I'm…not giving up. I placed my hand here," he set his hand on Lilith where he had on her counterpart. "Where _she_ placed it. I was not misspeaking when I said that I do love her, but I will not go further until it's appropriate."

"Which, Pet, is the problem." Lily motioned to Tsuru, "When I arrived, I was…even lower for energy than you. Having tied our states together, mine not being stronger than yours, when you were stabbed with the fragment-"

His eyes widened, "Shit. _Shit_. Are you…well, stupid question you're here, but I'm…." Gritting his teeth, he scrambled to stave off his anxiety, "Damn it all…. Ok. Ok…." Taking several deep breaths, he motioned for her to continue, "I'm sorry for interrupting. I didn't think to check on you, I didn't think about how what happened to me would impact you, and all I'm doing now is beating myself up for my failings. Let's just…."

"Lover," lacing her fingers in his, she smiled calmly, "stop. You're fine. I'm a big girl, and as wonderful as it is to know that you're worried that I was hurt, you need to listen to what we're talking about. Ok?"

Relaxing slightly as she showed no signs of distress, he nodded twice, "Yeah…yeah. Ok."

"I came here, because here is safe. When I arrived, I was looking for you, wondering what had happened. Luckily for me, the delectable little morsel with those _sexy_ eyes over there was home, doing laundry. She, like everyone else, found a way to calm herself down after a very stressful day." Challenging anyone to disagree, her tone was firm, "Staying here and allowing herself to emote is neither weakness nor a commentary on how she feels about you. Right?"

"Right," Shinji looked to Tsuru quickly. "If being here was better for you, then here was better. It's not 'wrong' in any way to not hover with everyone else. Nobody was allowed in, really, so being here and _doing_ something would have helped me stay sane in your shoes. I'd have just paced a hole in the floor outside the room, waiting for word on you."

"I could see it," Yang nodded slowly. "I'm not down on her for crying alone, if that's what makes her settle."

"It's…what came after," Tsuru spoke with increasing worry. "I…she was weak. She needed…you know, energy."

"Lust." The situation clanked into place like his connection to the Eva, "She was out of energy, and needed lust." Sitting back, he took his hand from the elder being, "And you gave it to her."

"I asked her for a kiss, Lover. She offered more, in exchange for lessons from me. It was a deal, and I am just as guilty of violating any rules as she is." Leaning on the table, she put herself where he would have to look past her to see Tsuru, "This is not purely on her."

He considered the matter, trying to understand what, if anything, he was feeling. "It's…I don't want to say 'ok', because I don't know that it is. I don't want to say that it's 'wrong', either. The rules said nobody outside of the family. Lily…has been both a part of and separate from the family for months. I've touched her, intimately, to encourage proper behavior. To 'reward' her, as she claims, for doing the right thing. Slowly, it's turned so that we're closer to each other but further it seems from doing anything. Guilt…isn't necessarily what I'd call this."

Yang kept her hands on Tsuru's, "She's a friend of the family, sure, but she's never telling us where she's going. What she's doing. She just up and leaves whenever, pops in without warning, doesn't help with the dishes or laundry…she doesn't sleep in her room, eat with us often, hold us when we're afraid. Shinji, I'm not demanding a blood price here, but the rules _were_ broken."

He saw what she was doing, "What happened to guidelines?"

"Sometimes the guide markers are a lot more obvious than others. I'm not saying that we need to expel Tsuru or anything childish and over-reactionary as that. But if we don't punish violations of expectations, why have them at all?" The leggy waitress raised her eyebrow, "How would you expect us to treat you if you walked out into the encampment and bent Kiyomi-san over, hmm? She's done more to fit herself into our lives than Lily, at times."

Blowing out his lips, he nodded, "That's a fair point." Drumming his fingers on the table, he found that he still didn't have any strong emotional feelings on the matter. He wasn't _happy_ , but he wasn't angry either. Lily was, he hoped, going to continue on the path she was on. She'd…. "We have to take both intentions, and outcomes, into consideration. She _intended_ to help someone who occupies a truly unique place in our household. Someone with very specific 'dietary requirements', so to speak. She did not risk pregnancy, she didn't engage with another man, she didn't risk diseases or viruses. She _did_ however go against the spirit of the agreement. In doing so…she opened Lily's eyes to bringing back Rei. Her actions, while not acceptable, brought forward a good end. Lily grew strong enough, in herself, to sacrifice of herself for us. The punishment, therefore, needs to be…measured."

"I can see where you're coming from, yes," Yang nodded. "There _does_ need to be a punishment though. We break our word, and nothing happens? We're inviting chaos. It's just as bad as mindlessly obeying the law, just in the other direction."

"I want you, Lily, to move into that room we've given you." He looked to the elder being, "Use the front door, like the rest of us do, unless it's an emergency. You live here now. Act like it. These are your family," he gestured to Yang and Tsuru, "treat them with the respect that implies. Your punishment, for not helping Tsuru keep her word, is that you stop with the lone wolf horseshit. You're either one of us, or you and I need to have a long talk."

The eldest living being, a creature of great beauty and power, let her head drop forward, "As you say."

"Stop that," he snapped, the thrill of victory at her show of submission coming from a part of him that he was increasingly becoming tired of existing. "I'm holding my end of the bargain up. You're my partner, damn it. I just…won't partner with someone who doesn't treat my family with the respect they deserve. I'm better than that. _You're_ better than that." He repeated himself, "Act like it."

Looking away from the two ladies, her face showing her desire for him, she tailored her thought to him alone, _If you don't stop this, I'm going to jump you._

 _…Later. When we figure out how that's going to impact Fuuka-chan. I don't know how we're going to be physically intimate around her in the real world, with how it affects everyone in the bond._ He looked to Tsuru, "As for you."

To her credit, the farmgirl raised her chin, "Yes, Shinji-sama?"

"I've written a piano piece, intended to be accompanied by a duet. Hikari's more of a _mezzo_ , while you're a pure soprano. I'd like to show off a couple of the women that have given me so much joy in life, and what better way than to show the school, and the world, what beauty they are capable of than having you and Hikari work together as a team?" He took another deep breath, "I will be doing this as well, because it was my insistence on poorly defined rules that left too many openings for something _exactly_ like this. None of you are going to cheat on me, not like I'm terrified of. I'm not going to cheat on you, not like I'm terrified of. We need _guidelines_ ," he caught Yang's grin, "not straightjackets. We'll accept the punishments for what we've done, and what I put in place that led to it happening, and then we'll discuss what comes next as a family."

She paled, "I…in front… _everybody?!_ "

"Kelly should be able to make it happen, after we've had a chance to practice. I'm sure the UN will jump at the chance to make a show of a peaceful talent like that, and the school will get to benefit from our talents like they've wanted to. Everyone wins," Yang applauded quietly. "An excellent idea, sir. Let's go to bed, Tsuru-chan. You still have to admit it to everyone tomorrow."

Smiling gently as he watched the deeply anxious farmgirl be dragged off by the righteously happy waitress, he asked the woman beside him silently, _Did you seduce her?_

 _Nope,_ she sighed. _Offered for lessons on seducing you. Going to pay that off, by the way. I made the bargain, which means I'm honor bound to fulfill it._

His head tilted to the side a touch, _That…will be interesting to see the fruits of. All she really has to do to 'seduce' me is shake her hips a little and say 'please'. I'm…not really that complicated._

+++++ 15th Angel + 7: Thursday, December 1st (126)

The house was quiet, everyone either in bed or their absence explained. Lilith had assured him that she only stopped by when she heard Tsuru's mind begin to quail. She'd been a part of the error, and would not leave her to face the repercussions alone. With the 'crisis' handled, she once more left to continue her search for answers. Alone, in a house full of women, he sat on the couch and once more considered the aquatic kingdom before him.

The soft whisk-whisk of feathers told him he'd been incorrect before the water-bird rounded the corner of the sofa to consider the fish tank with him, "How are you enjoying your new home, my friend?"

A soft wark, indicative of contentment layered with concern.

Blowing out a sigh, he couldn't disagree, "You're not wrong. My life has kind of taken its own path, and there are times where I feel like I'm just along for the ride. I could have handled today better, though. Sometimes it's just hard to, I guess."

Moving over to hop up and sit next to him, the only other Earth-based male in the house patted his leg with a flipper, warking out an explanation of life's unfairness. There were always challenges, for those who refuse to accept the status quo, and ultimately the best that might come of things is an early grave and a cautionary tale. He would not hope for that, if for no other reason than it would hurt Misato.

He nodded, "Too much depends on me living, to give up and die. I'm not worried about that, though. I'm terrified that I'm hurting people. That I'm stealing their lives, their freedoms, by trying to allow life and freedom to others. I've tried to move past it, several times, but it keeps circling back to that one point. If it wasn't for me, they'd be free to do something else. They all would."

Extending one claw, Pen-Pen pointed to the fish. Saying nothing, he felt his point was made.

"Well, yeah. It's the same thing. I've trapped the ladies in a protective environment. I give them food, shelter, safety. I make sure that there are no predators, no thieves. But just like the fish they can't leave the tank. Well…they could, but it wouldn't…I see." Shinji folded his hands in his lap, considering the truth behind the truth, "I'm terrified that when I die, everything will fall apart. I guess I am worried about death, but not because I think I'm going to just lay down and take it. I'm facing a fleet of powerful beings, armed with weapons that our world can't even begin to understand the physics of. I'm facing seven entities that can give Lilith pause at full strength. There are likely other, weaker, enemies that combined are just as capable of killing me. What happens to the 'fish', as it were…when my luck runs out? My worries have worries, and they're only compounding themselves."

Once more patting his leg, Pen-Pen admitted that he didn't have those answers. He just wanted Shinji to consider the questions more fully. It was up to every Patriarch to find the right path for those that looked to him for safety. He was not alone, however, and was fortunate that the Matriarchs were all exceptionally dedicated to the rookery.

"That, they are…that, they are." Reaching over himself and gently stroking the plumage at the top of Pen-Pen's crown, Shinji contented himself to sit in silence and seek out the true problems, instead of the surface anxieties. He had his friend, his pet fish, and a silent house…for a few more hours.

+++++ 15th Angel + 7: Thursday, December 1st (126)

The sounds of thunder rolled across the sky, as two mighty warriors fought as if the world depended on their winning the sparring match. Blows and counters, blocks and parries, no quarter was given or accepted as Shinji and Suzuka pushed each other harder than ever. The cold, crisp, air only heightened the sensation of contact as their skin contracted close to bone and muscle in an effort to trap the heat they were losing to the sunless sky.

Ultimately, it was the vagaries of fate that decided the 'victor', as Suzuka's foot slipped on a patch of earth that was loosened by the smaller lifeforms that dwelled within it. Unable to brace against his attack fully, she was forced into a choice that proved 'fatal'. When his spear came to rest alongside her expanding chest, she scowled and swore, "Damn it all." Swatting aside the spear's point, she moved further towards the house and set herself for another match, "Again."

"No." Banishing the weapon he held, Shinji pointed to the dirt that had ruined her chances, "That wasn't your fault."

Lowering her own guard, she glowered at him, "You're still dead, our children too. Our household, our loves, all dead. Ill luck happens, I needed to do a better job of overcoming that ill luck." Pointing to another spot, where her attempted recovery had been thwarted, she raised her eyebrow, "Had I chosen to fully retreat, I might have reset. Instead, I forced the engagement thinking that I might catch you off-balance. I gambled, when I should have trusted to training. We practice so that actions come automatically, and I did not allow my actions to guide my blade."

Crossing his arms, he looked meaningfully towards the horizon, "We've practiced for an hour and a half. While I value our time together, it has been spent nearly exclusively in combat. Not one word, other than curses or cries for power. If you want to beat me about the head and shoulders with the sword, fine, but I am not fighting you anymore until we talk about what's bothering you."

Rotating her sword into its loop, she snorted, "Your favorite word seems apropos here."

"I'm glad you recognize how suitable it is," walking over, he offered her his elbow. "Shall we take a walk around the grounds, Your Grace?"

Lacing her arm in his, she sighed, "If it will put your mind at ease."

Starting a slow pace, intending to enjoy some time with the mother of his children, Shinji summoned a thick blanket to lay over both of their shoulders to ward off the chill. His wife was tall, for a woman, and looked most men in the eye on even footing. She was not, however, nearly as tall as he was now. The cloth that Bardiel created for them, accordingly, was perfectly fit to their bodies in a manner that was both comfortable…and intimate, "I would start this whole conversation with a simple statement: I love you, Suzuka Ikari, more than words could possibly share. Your beauty, your power, your dedication, all…feed into the fear that one day I will not be a match for whatever I face. That I will shame your teachings, that my last gift to you…will be a grave." Looking down, he saw she was glaring ahead of them, "I understand what you're thinking, Little Deer. Because I'm thinking the same thing. We, and Rose, are the physical line between our family and death. Misato's a capable warrior, for _a human_. We're more than that."

"I set aside my sword," her teeth were clenched tight. "In an effort to give Nozomi-chan some of my time, as she was having a fit of childish anxiety, I _set aside my sword_." Her eyes remained averted from him, "Had I my blade at hand, the fight may have gone differently. I spent time meditating on this, afterwards. I spoke with our allies, only to find this same flaw that I am facing this morning. My anger. I move forward, I dedicate myself to being the mother that I remember so many centuries past. Each time I do, my mind circles back to _instinct._ My frustrations," she pulled him to a stop, and stepped in front of him, "are that I understand you too well now. I am angry, because I do not know how to counsel you against continuing this…poisonous trend. The last fight is over. Done. Rose, a good and steady partner to our family, won where I did not. Such are the fortunes of war. This fight, the one where you continue to obsess over 'right and wrong' as if they were fixed points on an unchanging sky… _that_ is where my mind is. Because I, immortal and unchanging, managed what you, so young and yet so old, will not. I do not know how to encourage you to accept what has become of our life, because I myself have difficulties with doing the same."

He knew his jaw was slightly agape, but he couldn't seem to close it for the surprise he felt. Considering the morning through the lens she'd just shoved over his eye, he tried again, "Then…the fight this morning?"

"You have dedicated yourself to the fight, you have found your reason to commit your entire being, that is good. I wished to go again because if you are intent on improving your physical prowess I am one of the few who might help you. My frustration, at the slip of my foot, was precisely for the reasons I said it was. _I_ forgot that repetition is key to success. Our muscles act before our mind engages, and my anger clouded my judgement. I was not a good partner for showing you how not to succeed." Jabbing him in the gut, she raised both eyebrows, "I became distracted. That is fatal in a fight."

"…Oh." Looking down to his feet, he instead was forced to notice both her breasts and the growing protrusion that was the twins, "…Oh." Not overthinking his actions, he settled his hands alongside her waist, gently caressing her and them, "You remain so…beyond me. You're right, though, I don't know how to stop myself from doing what I'm doing. Kelly was right to chew me out, yesterday, for making it seem like all Fuuka was, was a burden. I didn't do, and I'm not doing, a good job of telling all of you what's bothering me."

"Because you aren't sure yourself," holding her hands over his, she thrilled at the way he still looked on her as desirable. It was fulfilling to her, as a woman, to know that even after his 'task' had been met that he wasn't disinterested in her presence, "It is I that understands you, Little Bear. We, you and I, suffer the same problem. We are surrounded by frustrations and irritations, they pile up like leaves and keep us from handling them in a sensible fashion. I, however, believe that you are not the key to everything. We had become so accustomed to the…most pleasant way Shamshel-chan's song fills our hearts that when it was ripped from our lives we allowed it to overwhelm us. We devolved to petty bickering and blamed each other for things that in better times we would have just let go. We, not you, must set up the means to prevent a recurrence of that should something similar happen again. You cannot tell us how to live our lives, and we should not allow good times from preventing us for preparing for storms of misfortune."

A small smile spread over his lips, "It…would be nice, to not have to think about ways to make things better. To just, you know, focus on the things I want to do for all of you…or _to_ all of you."

"Oh?" Victory tasted sweet. "I'm afraid I don't quite understand how you mean, dear heart. Why, I'm just a simple woman, from a small farm. What _ever_ could you want to do for…or _to_ , me?"

+++++ Author's Notes:

origamishishou:

RE: Fuuka.

The things that can happen to the mind are terrible, and recovering from those terrible things can take decades…or never happen at all.

RE: Sakura/Yinghua.

As it should, my friend. As it should. "They", in this case, was not chosen at random.


	143. Chapter 143

+++++ 15th Angel + 7: Thursday, December 1st (126)

"Time is one of those things that bugs me," Shinji spoke to Rei and Fuuka as he made breakfast for everyone. The two had come into the kitchen, at Rei's request, to offer some form of assistance, only to be given small bowls of fruit to tide them over and a request to sit down and stay out of his way. "If I enter my soul, it stops progressing in an orderly fashion. One minute out here can be anywhere from an hour to a month, I've noticed, and it's not at all tied to my own concept of need or desire. It just _is_."

"Much like dreams," Rei offered, "it may simply be that the progression from one point to the next is tied to the seemingly random chemical interactions within your brain. Much the way that the last five minutes of our synchronization tests might seem to extend well beyond the orderly march of time, your perception is slowed because you are experiencing so much in that moment. Without physical barriers or boundaries, your 'self' is set free."

Foods for lunch were packed appropriately as foods for breakfast continued to be properly prepared, all the while he was enjoying once more speaking to a young woman that he'd missed dearly, "That would explain why it seems like forever ago that I last spoke to you. I experienced so much, Rei, in forty-odd days. A lifetime and a half," turning, he gently cupped the back of her head and pressed his lips to hers lightly, before separating, "without you." Giving a smile to Fuuka, not wishing her to feel ignored but not ready to treat her with other than kid gloves, he gestured to her nearly untouched bowl, "Don't be afraid to tell me if you don't like something, Fuuka-chan. I've got an enormous kitchen, and I'm not afraid to use it."

"It would be poor manners to insist that you produce anything for me, and me alone, Shinji-sama." He'd agreed to allow her to add the honorific, in exchange for her using his name. "I am accustomed to eating what is presented to me, as food is necessary for assuring that I am present for whatever you might require of me."

"Well then, I _require_ that you tell me if you don't like something," he shrugged, turning back to the stove. "You're a part of the family now, and I won't accept a family member suffering in silence. Each person in this house is important to me, and failing in my duties is painful to me, as you may have noticed." Hearing a new song enter the room, he held a finger out to point at his Right Hand, "You don't take a thing, Kelly. You're sitting with the rest of us for breakfast. Whoever it is that has a meeting with you can wait, because His Grace, the Duke Ikari, demands that his consort make herself available."

The playful tone, as firm as it was, made her hop over in one fell swoop and bite down on the outermost knuckle of his outstretched finger lightly. _You're making me keep the Archbishops waiting, sir. It's rude._ Letting go and kissing the tip of his finger, she warmed inside as he smiled happily, "But if I _have_ to."

"I have an announcement, regarding the last few days. It's not heavy, but I only want to go over it once." Turning quickly, he gave her a kiss as well, "Thank you." Setting aside the last of the lunches, he rubbed his hands together and considered what was still cooking, "So, Fuuka-chan, the fruit?"

"She enjoys the fruit before her," Rei spoke up on her compatriot's behalf. "She does not wish to appear either greedy or slovenly. If you approve, I will spend part of our day together discussing better eating habits with her."

The next person to enter the kitchen did so with a cloud of gloom hanging from them. Nozomi was still 'stuck' in the day before, and was actively radiating those feelings outwards as any child does when exposed to severe trauma. "Nii-san," her voice was lifeless, "I need to apologize for acting mean yesterday. Are you busy?"

"I'm making everyone meals, but I'm never too busy to listen to my imōto," scooping her off the ground and putting her on the counter opposite the food from the stove, he smoothed her shirt back into place and nodded. "I'm listening, I know that this is important."

Watching him cook, the lone remaining Horaki fidgeted with her hands for a few seconds before blurting out, "I was a big meanie. I said mean things about Sakura-chan, and I yelled at my nee-san, and I made your day harder."

"I see, I see," he knew his duty, as much as he hated it. "That is all very true."

"I'm really sorry…but I don't know if I'm gonna do it again or not." Her hands fidgeting soon consumed her arms, "I…I'm seeing things. Like Hikari-nee-san. I'm forgetting part of the day, or waking up where I wasn't when I fell asleep. I'm…I'm seeing…." When his arms wrapped around her, she began to cry. Clutching to him, nothing she said verbally made any cogent sense, too marred by changing inflection and muffled by his shirt to allow proper diction to take place. Yet, despite that handicap, she said everything she needed to say. She was hurting, she was scared, and she needed, _desperately needed_ , her nii-san.

Sheltering her in his arms, he felt Kodama's presence in the doorway. She'd allowed her baby sister to approach her apology on her own terms, tried to support the 'not a child' in taking another faltering step on the path towards truly gaining that stature, but hovered close enough that when what followed got out of control, she would be able to support the young girl that would forever be _her_ baby sister. As Shinji turned and looked as pained as he felt, she joined him in hugging the little lady they both adored. The apology would be a multi-step process, but she'd done a good enough job to start. Now, it was time for the adults to help her, whether she wanted it or not.

The eldest sister ran her hand over the youngest's head, "We've scheduled time during her lunch at school, for the lady from the Shirakami to talk to her. It'll be an hour long session, involving both of them together. I've asked that the counselor explain _why_ she feels it would be best for…that to happen, but that ultimately it remains _our_ decision. It should help both of them continue to process all of this. It's too much, but it won't get any easier without help."

"And help they will get," handing off Nozomi to his wife, he rubbed her back and urged them out of the kitchen. Better that they take some time before breakfast to recenter, away from everyone else and possible embarrassment. "Part of your day will be with her as well, Fuuka-chan. I expect that you'll have plenty to tell her, and that she'll have a better chance at explaining to you why what happened…isn't what was best for your future growth." Looking back to the pair at the center island, he shrugged, "I'll always do whatever I can to make you happy, but you deserved the chance to become your own person. If I was eventually the choice you made, and we had spent the proper amount of time getting to know one another, that'd be one thing. This? It might seem fine to you now, but once we show you how your life has been…."

Rei, once more, spoke for the retiring young beauty, "She is frustrated by your insistence that it is wrong to desire a strong, caring, husband. She understands that her mother was abusive, she felt the same way deep inside. She continues to live her life the only way she knows how, in acting as she has been trained to do. However, she is not the mental invalid that your statements make her out to be. She is uneducated, not 'simple'. She finds joy in helping me walk, in speaking her mind to me. She also appreciates that you have not laid claim to her person, as she too would prefer a lingering courtship. If you would allow her to take on more tasks around the house, she would continue to find that which you ask her to seek."

Once more castigated by someone he loved, Shinji felt the waxing and waning of anger in a microsecond as he smothered the part of him that he was coming to learn bore responsibility for it. She wasn't wrong, because Rei _never_ lied. None of her statements were factually incorrect, most were at best from a biased perspective. He, though, reminded himself that he should never be the sole arbiter of where his family found their happiness, "Fair enough. Fuuka-ch…. Fuuka, I need you to pick up the notepad there, and write everyone's names to put on top of their lunches. Ask me if you need help writing them out, I doubt you've memorized everyone's characters."

There was surprise, and glee, in her tone as she descended from the stool, "Of course, Shinji-sama. I would be grateful for the opportunity to learn how to write their names out." Her motions were even more graceful than Hikari's, refined and distilled down to the very essence of feminine. As she picked up the pen and paper, the glaring flaw became obvious, in that she was unaccustomed to writing, while standing, on a surface that was not at a height to properly allow the 'correct' motions. It was like watching a cello maestro play upside down and backwards.

"Err…huh," moving around the long way, he picked up the stool she'd been using and brought it over for her, "go ahead and sit down again. That way your arm is at the right angle."

Her smile was both genuine and pleased as she awkwardly climbed up to her perch in its new location, not used to such 'common' seating, "Thank you, Shinji-sama. I was concerned that perhaps my annotations would have been misunderstood, this position is much more similar to what I have been taught to utilize."

"We'll…work on it." Moving away to avoid attempting to touch her comfortingly, he shrugged and turned back to the stove, "We're not focused on propriety in this house, as we've said, so you'll eventually get the hang of things. It's just time, patience, and practice."

 _She is displeased that you missed the opportunity to help her climb by offering your hand,_ Rei's voice sounded disapproving. _Shinji, I have a breadth of experience in being treated as an asexual being, by others and myself. None would look askance at you for simple touches, offering your hand or arm for her to balance upon. Even so far as a hug, welcoming and heartfelt, would allow her to feel as if she weren't either a pariah or pest. You are better than you believe yourself to be, and she deserving of more of an effort._

 _I know…. It's just…._ Rotating several components of the morning meal, he moved back to Fuuka, "This one is Hikari's." Bringing the box closer with him, he pushed himself to relax, "It's the same character as 'Light', or if you'd prefer she's also fine with the kana." With his hip against the counter, he lightly laid his hand on her shoulder, at the point above her arm and torso where he'd touch either of the children to coach them.

"Her name is as beautiful as she is," Fuuka's song soared with contented joy. "Perhaps I should write both, to ensure I retain the lesson."

 _Thank you,_ his blue-haired critic gained happiness herself. _There are many forms of touch, and you must learn to stop viewing any of them as 'dirty' or 'filthy'. The Asuka that beat this lesson into you no longer lives. Better that her teachings die with her._

"You…should tell her you think so, Fuuka. I'm sure she'd be thrilled at the compliment." Squeezing briefly, he moved another box closer as the paper was laid atop the first, "This one is for Maya."

+++++ 15th Angel + 7: Thursday, December 1st (126)

Sitting at the table, watching everyone enjoy their meal to varying degrees, Shinji jumped right into his statement without preamble, "I'm terrified." The snap of heads towards him assured him that attention was being given to his statements, "Failure, of any sort, will have dire consequences for not only the women at this table, whom I love dearly, but the Aspects around us, whom I love dearly, and also the world at large. Every act I take creates a landslide of consequences, those consequences bury both me and the previous consequences from the last landslide. There is no… _point_ , per se, to my admitting this. I simply wanted to admit, to all of you, out loud what is happening in my head. Once everything is over, and Tabris is nothing more than a cheap stain on some nearby edifice, we will need to begin a serious push towards developing weaponry capable of defending against a ground assault. The Scions are coming, the Judges will not allow me to live while they do not control me, which means that 'peace'…is those moments we can take between battles. And, before all of that, I need to integrate Armisael…one way or another."

Misato kept chewing slowly for a moment, then sighed, "I've been talking with Amy about possible weaknesses her species has. We've been preparing to present the problem to Rits and Maya, but haven't had much beyond basics to give. I'm not going to let us get caught with our pants down twice, Shinji. I'll handle this, you focus on the fight before you."

Sakura's voice was tiny as she asked, "Are…are you really scared, Shinji?"

"I am," he nodded. "Which means it's ok for you to be scared too. But I can't let fear control me, and neither should you. I'm not giving up, I'm letting the people close to me know how I'm doing…something I haven't done a great job of in the past."

"Miki-chan prefers it when Shin-tan is honest," the skeletal agent ruffled Sakura's hair. "It helps her find the right answer to making the problem go away. You can help Miki-chan by working hard to get better, so that we can show the world how strong we are."

Yang added with aplomb, "Hikari and Tsuru will be helping by studying the song Shinji wrote. I hear that you'll be beginning practice at lunch?"

"I'm what now?" His first wife paused with her chopsticks halfway to her mouth, "Come again?"

"I…may have made a decision that wasn't…well-considered," Tsuru blushed. "To…make up for that?" She slid down in her chair to hide, "I guess? Uhm…you and I will be singing a duet with Shinji playing a piano in accompaniment."

The Princess sent out a thought where little ears wouldn't hear, _I'm sure there will be a less child-friendly explanation later?_

 _Yes,_ hiding behind her hands, the farmgirl gave up.

"I look forward to hearing the result," Rei broke into the silence. "I do not feel it incorrect to say that both of you have pleasant speaking voices. If that is any indication, your singing voices should be equally enjoyable."

Running his foot along Hikari's shin where nobody could see, Shinji promised without words that he'd explain later his own thinking, "My hope, while possibly childishly naïve, is that one day we can fill the house with music. This is me ripping off the bandage. My intent is for us to perform this song, have it be appropriately recorded, and then transmitted globally. The world deserves to see the women who are sacrificing, alongside the man that's fighting for them. Song… _music_ , is universal. It's just artistic math, they don't need to understand the words, to understand what we're trying to say."

"I'm going to pass on singing in public," Maya laughed out loud. "I don't even sing in the bathtub, alone, behind five closed doors. It's not a confidence issue, I _know_ I sound terrible, and that's before my emergency tracheotomy."

Misato moved to support the idea, "It doesn't matter if its good, Lieutenant Colonel. Just that it's good and loud, you remember that from boot."

"Marching cadence is one thing," Akane was with Maya. "I'm not a singer."

"Miki-chan sings," she eyed her partner challengingly. "Aka-chan should sing too."

Nicolette shrugged, "I'm game. It's just stage performing, and I've spent years working with a vocal coach in my life."

"I'm afraid smoking hasn't done my voice many favors," Ritsuko demurred.

"It's happening, ladies," Hikari put her foot down. "We'll practice, we'll support one another, and Koko and I will help those who need more assistance. The one thing Daddy supported before he died was us learning to sing, because it's something our mother did. This house needs music, and we need unity. Everyone's participating." Looking across the table to _her_ first wife, she raised her eyebrow, "Everyone."

+++++ 15th Angel + 7: Thursday, December 1st (126)

"It's nice of you to check in, is all I'm saying," Eve rolled her eyes. "I swear, you can be such a child. I heard him, just as clearly as you did, and he doesn't lie. He loves us. Which means that you and I need to cut out the petty sniping that we've enjoyed _so_ thoroughly over the unending ages of all creation. How is he doing? That poor daughter of yours, the one stuck in the solidified mind trap? He took hearing her voice very poorly."

The last thing Lilith wanted was to 'play nice' with a genocidal bitch, however, her work on tracking down fragments of the Key meant that she needed information. The most likely source of information, sadly, was currently in the back of a cavern against a wall muttering, "He's not well at all. He has been forced into things he did not wish for, his reasons to oppose it being both noble and correct, while discovering truths about people he loves that have shaken his faith in everything. He's hiding it well, but he _is_ hiding it."

Uttering an oath in a language that had died long before Earth's sun existed, the Mother of Aspects and Angels crossed her arms under her chest and tapped her foot in irritation, "What have they done? Is it permanent?"

Lily was surprised at what she could almost believe was genuine concern, "They hid the mistreatment of one of the younger girls, the severity and type, and he's tangled another in his bond. The young woman in question was mistreated by her own mother, raised to believe herself little more than a cock-stimulator and a display piece. When Shinji discovered this, he of course intervened. It seems Creation still has its hands in the marriage game, because she was manipulated to be before him as he discovered poor Yinghua's history."

"He gets angry, loses control, bonds the young lady that you and I understand all too well," sympathy and regret made their appearance. "Poor dear. When this is over, I'll have a little talk with her about how to turn that around. Between you and I, we'll make sure she's a good, strong, wife for Shinji. I assume her mother is having…an entertaining post-mortal experience?"

"It's being managed…appropriately," she hedged. Cutting over the chit-chat, she moved to the reason that she'd come to the cavern at all, "Is that all he does, now?"

Eve's eyes filled with dark thoughts as she considered her son, "He's recounting the 'evil things' Shinji has done. Twisting them in his mind so that they're acts filled with malice, instead of the rational actions of a type of life that can't survive in a world conditioned for my children. I myself might have continued to be opposed to him, had I not seen what has become of my sons and daughters. If this is Tabris moving towards acceptance, or just trying to rally himself in captivity, he's at least not trying to escape anymore."

"Hmm." Lilith doubted that either was correct, "Has he admitted anything useful? About the shards."

"No. I asked him who he gave them to, he said 'those who are worthy'. I asked him why he did it, he said 'because I could'. What he'd get out of it? 'A laugh'. What happened when they turned the Key on him? 'Victory'." Running her fingers through her hair, she sighed, "I'm not even sure that he's handed them out to anyone. All of this could be a distraction, keeping us from staying around Shinji to form deeper bonds. The real motivation could be something far different."

That, she could believe. If she joined with Shinji, bonded with Rei and him, he'd have all of her powers to wield. Possibly. She might become similar to an Aspect, again possibly. The other possibility, that nothing at all would happen, worried her immensely. Because he was good at keeping his word, and he'd said he wouldn't give into his lusts outside of that union. "I'll stop by again, to make sure that he hasn't let slip anything. Until then, I'm going to keep searching. I can't let this happen."

"We, Lilith," Eve looked askance at her. " _We_ cannot let this happen. I've chosen my side, don't keep me out of this until we both regret what comes of it."

+++++ 15th Angel + 7: Thursday, December 1st (126)

Arriving to a maelstrom of activity, Ritsuko and Maya didn't have time to huddle before work began. Between what they'd learned from Shinji regarding Unit-02 and its new core, what they needed to do to process what Misato and Amy had provided, the typical day-to-day work that was the Science Division, and finally the work needed on Asuka, the most they had managed was a promise to get together for lunch 'at some point'.

Those unfortunates who were drafted to work alongside Ritsuko soon found that something had changed again in the former blonde. Her orders were clear, precise, and most damningly, reasonable. Accomplishments piled up rapidly over the first hour, the teams gaining both steam and confidence as they realized that Doctor 'Damn It' was somehow distracted enough by a problem to suddenly become an effective leader again.

Those fortunates who were drafted to work alongside Maya, soon found that when something is important enough to the woman, 'good enough' is never _good enough_. Errors were pointed out with prejudice, mistakes commented on with dismay, and the typical 'ninety-nine percent' expectation became an unrepentant demand for perfection. They responded well, to their credit, but it was with the sense that something major had come up and the dreaded NobuMaya might soon be making a command appearance.

What none of the workers saw, was Sandalphon cooperating closely with Ritsuko, and Gaghiel distracting Maya. The former Angel of Embryos commented, from time to time, on ways to possibly improve various processes to grow specimens for sampling later. Offering his unique talents to ensure that they matured more rapidly to increase throughput. The former Angel of Fish, however, was dreadfully concerned at how Maya kept checking the camera feed of the room where Asuka was receiving her first officially-commanded evaluation and medical examination. He offered, every ten seconds, to go and check in personally. This led to the aforementioned demand that nothing be left to chance.

In all, the morning did not start well, did not appear close to ending well, and created far more chaos than was healthy.

+++++ 15th Angel + 7: Thursday, December 1st (126)

"His Grace was pleased to receive your well-wishes, and wishes to assure you that should he have need he would not hesitate to call on your expertise, Your Excellencies." Kelly, grateful that Matarael was the kind of Aspect to sit quietly and allow the world to exist as it did, did not mind that he was perched on her shoulder. His assurance that he was there simply to help her if needed, should something terrible try and happen, only made sense with recent tragedies. "As far as…Israfel and Shamshel, they are assisting others this morning. Israfel is making certain that the agent responsible for protecting Nozomi Horaki and Yinghua Xu is…safe. Shamshel, from what I understand, is helping Kodama Ikari make her rounds and ease the suffering others are experiencing."

"And…I hesitate to call attention to our guest," the senior Archbishop gestured to her shoulder.

Kelly kept her jaw locked, _He can see you?_

The semi-arachnid motioned with its forelimbs, greeting the two men across the table, "My name is Matarael, good sir. My duty is to assure The Poet's safety. Please, do not mind my presence. The Wanderer was most eager to have her represent Him to you this morning, after assuring she received a proper meal and time with their family. I am no more than her guardian, she is His voice."

The junior Archbishop found his voice, "The Angel of Rain?"

"We prefer Aspect, as we are nothing more than facets of His being," the former Angel's voice grew firm. None of them enjoyed being reminded of what were, to them, incredibly dark times. "Please, attend The Poet. Her words are His words, and her time is limited."

Both men's eyes snapped to her face, the senior again asking another question, "The…Wanderer?"

"The Wanderer, the Great One, Shinji Ikari, Paladin, he goes by many names, some from us, some from them. Which, I'm sure you know, happens when someone is involved in great deeds. Titles and sobriquets pile up around them until the most common grows on the public and becomes the one chosen to represent them more frequently." She began to worry at the silence, "He'd much rather be called by his name, though. He's always quick to beg people not to aggrandize him in any way." Eager to humanize him, she smiled and gestured to the photos of their family she'd brought for them to share with the Cardinal, "Mikoto, for example, tends to tease him by calling him 'Shin-tan'. It amuses him how it makes her smile, so he's never made a point of it."

The junior made some quick notes, "He's accepted these…titles? Of his own free will?"

"Accepted is a little strong, as I said, he'd much rather just be known to the world as Shinji. It's his favorite phrase, really, 'Please, just Shinji'." _Matarael, why are you visible?!_ "I'd say that he's accepted that people call him other things, that he's not the kind of man to make a big deal out of what others choose to do, and that he's ultimately not one to seek out glories or standing in anyone's eyes but those of us who live with him."

 _Because it keeps them on that side of the table. They seem to be rather eager to touch your hand,_ the four-legged Aspect huffed. _The Great One would not be pleased if I allowed harm to come to you, and by remaining visible I keep them in those chairs and away from you._

+++++ 15th Angel + 7: Thursday, December 1st (126)

Suzuka, graciously recognizing that there were precious few other choices for the task, had accepted staying home with Rei and Fuuka to not abandon the blind with the tame. Offering what she could to aid them in their first lesson of the homeschooling program Hikari had intended for the entire household for the duration of what was thought to be Shinji's recovery, she did not mind that Ramiel had chosen to hover about. _So there are ways to strike with lightning, without electrocuting myself?_

Speaking over Fuuka's reading of the question, Ramiel offered a qualified response, _So long as we are of one mind. You are His Weapon, once you accept your place at his side what you and I may accomplish as one unified force is vast. With my force and your focus, none would dare stand before us._

 _That is what I do not understand, then,_ she smiled as Rei began teaching her assistant the material in far greater detail than any teacher might have thought to. _I am sworn to him, I exist as a piece of his soul beyond any of his wives. He may summon me, and me alone. I carry his children gladly, thrilled that I may gift to him his firstborn. What is there left to accept?_

 _Your place in his life is not what has prevented you from or aided you in joining The Princess, The Advisor, and The Assassin._ The octahedron pulsed in a sequence to help Rei explain geometric growth to the struggling Fuuka, _You must feel that what you are is what you must be. That there is no other role for you to exist as. It does not mean that a weapon is all you are, but a Weapon is what you must be. Dedicated to striking down those who he feels must fall, regardless of your own feelings on the matter._

The concept did not sit well with her, as she was not an unthinking chunk of wood, or length of metal. Should he go mad, would he demand she strike down Nozomi? Her brow knit, as she realized that at some point it might become necessary as part of some insanity that she do so. An insane oracle, driven crazy by grief and rage, could cause chaos throughout the land by proclaiming an inevitable doom and demise, unless the populace followed her towards an even greater tragedy that they did not see until it was far too late. Would she, as his blade, ask that he put Nozomi down to spare herself? Would she stain his hands…when her own already carried the blood of ages? To protect many, some may need to fall. His Assassin could do much, in silence. But in an open war, on a field of battle…a sword was better.

 _I…see._ Her disquiet informed her motions, as she polished her blade and watched a pair of young women grow closer in friendship through schooling.

+++++ 15th Angel + 7: Thursday, December 1st (126)

Kodama worked with the next in a seemingly endless line of patients, managing a basic sprain that would require rest and pain reliever, still engrossed in her conversation with the Aspect of Daytime, _So you're…both, but not?_

 _I/We. Exist._ Shamshel was having a difficult time expressing what it wanted to, its own vocabulary stunted by the duality of its nature, _Label/Define. Difficult/Dangerous._

"Use the crutches at all times, for at least a week, ok? Even if you feel fine, you need to rest this or it won't heal properly." _I'm not trying to label you, I promise. I'm just…you asked a question that I'm a lot wary of answering, because I don't want to hurt your feelings. If you're…if you are male, then he's not going to be interested. He doesn't think about guys like that._

 _Neither/All._ Lightly caressing the unaware patient as they hobbled from the room, the caring Aspect improved their outlook on the day and urged positive thoughts instead of the laments that were building at having their plans for the weekend upended. _I/We. Exist!_

The stress placed on the repeated word seemed far more important, _Ok. I'm really sorry that I'm not understanding you properly, Shamshel. This…word, the concept of existing. You're saying that you're neither male nor female. You're also saying that you are 'all'. That's a little confusing to me, so I'll ask this a different way. How do you think that Shinji and you would be able to become intimate? Would it involve sexual acts in the same way he and I do?_

 _Yes/No._ Light wavered around them for a moment as they processed the answer from Kodama's perspective. _No/Yes._

Preparing the room for the next patient, she sighed, _Right. Glad I asked._

+++++ 15th Angel + 7: Thursday, December 1st (126)

Shinji walked into his classroom with a purpose. Part of him didn't approve of what he'd intended to do, the other part was determined to root out whatever possible malingerer there was in the class. Planting himself by the blackboard, as the trio of his betters took their seats, he waited for the first student other than them to enter the room. "If it was someone in our class, I'm going to insist that you handle the situation, Light. Friend, or otherwise, nobody deserves to live in fear of assholery."

Yang carefully set out her notebook, interested in how he was attempting to recover from his perceived failures, "How do you plan on proving it was them?"

He kept his eyes on the door, "I won't. Their conscience will."

A slow trickle of students, surprised in some cases and pleased in most to see the quartet, began to filter into the room. Each person received a nod, his face flat and impassive. Most students reacted in the same way, either asking him if everything was all right, or bowing in greeting and wishing him a good morning. When Minami came in, not as late as she used to, but still not 'early' by any means, Shinji tipped his head towards Hikari to set that portion of the morning's plan into motion.

His intent, as the desk behind Hikari was empty, was to offer her the chance to sit by him, Hikari, and Yang. It would remove her from whatever nonsense had formed around her, allow her to quietly ask for help, build expectations, and show that he was putting his money where his mouth was. He watched his wife and fiancées out of the corner of his eye, his irritation from the day before not yet gone and his concern that what he was asking might be a bridge too far too high. When, instead, all three greeted her with varying, but still friendly, reactions, he was able to return to his focus: finding the culprit or culprits.

Fortunately for him, and unfortunately for the man in question, someone with knowledge of the incident came into the room not expecting to find what he did. Even without the lyrics the songs were providing him, Shinji would have known that the 'all flash, no fury' stylings of the young man that entered the room were trouble. When he saw Minami speaking happily with Hikari, Yang, and Tsuru, his song tensed. When suddenly Shinji was standing behind him like the hand of death itself, his song quailed in fear.

"I would take it as a kindness," Shinji kept his voice pitched low, "if you would ask your class representative to come see my class representative over the next break." When the teen turned slowly to face him, he raised his eyebrow and shook his head, "I do not anticipate you 'having control' over anyone, however you might wish to inform your… _friend_ that further attempts to inconvenience anyone else in the school will likely result in the school becoming aware of certain… _likes_ you both share." His arm unerringly pointed at the door, "Class is starting soon. Don't be late."

Hikari kept her attention on Minami as Shinji sat down, the matter 'beneath her' as it were, "As you see, Minami-chan, my sub-rep does not appreciate it when people harm _anyone_. We really would be happy to have you sit over here by us. The teachers have made the seating arrangement extremely flexible with all of the students that have been pulled out of class. So long as you pay attention to the teachers when they're speaking, we'd love to help you with your notes." _Is that who she was dating?_

 _He's scum._ What he'd seen of the young man's mind wasn't pleasant, "Are we adding some balance to the room by moving someone else over here?" His smile was easy-going, he didn't want to make a production out of what he'd done, "It would be nice to have someone Yang could help and get help from. Might stop her from tossing notes over my shoulder every period."

"If you would answer your chats I wouldn't have to consider building a trebuchet," the leggy waitress scoffed. "Tsuru can pay attention and check her chats, why can't you?"

The former troublemaker, as happy as she was that they weren't making a scene, felt the need to explain herself, "I…I'm glad that none of you are…well…." Looking at the four people that she had the attention of, and ignoring the rest of the class that was supposedly not listening, she toyed with her thumbs, "I was kind of stupid for dating him. It's ok, if you want to tease me about it. I would have."

"Why would we tease you?" Tsuru frowned, displeased at the thought, "If you thought you liked him, it isn't your fault that he wasn't willing to commit to you. Everyone is entitled to have made bad choices without forever carrying that weight. You've learned, and that's what we're focusing on."

Shinji patted his desk, "Let me get your stuff from the other desk. We'll get you set up over here quickly." Waiting as Minami looked to the other three women, receiving a nod of encouragement, he was the recipient of a subdued, but enthusiastic, smile of appreciation. _Thank you, ladies. I want to check her desk for anything amiss. I'd appreciate it if you did the same for her locker before gym?_ Moving quickly over to the now abandoned seat, he could easily smell the excessively rotten seaweed still. "It's disappointing that nobody noticed whoever put this in here."

The weight of his statement added to the discomfort from the aroma, causing a number of his classmates to look down in shame. He knew, by their reaction, that some of them had not been as upset about the circumstances as they ought to have been. Though one song spoke of disappointment in Shinji's actions, coming from the military otaku that was one row over and two desks back. Kensuke was scowling at his back, his thoughts focused on anger over having been the target of several of Minami's barbed comments earlier in their lives, long before she'd simply ignored him.

Pulling out the items, one at a time, Shinji called upon Sachiel's prowess to clean them without damaging them in the slightest. Not at all shy about doing so visibly, each item received a thorough cleaning before being set aside on another nearby empty desk as the solvent evaporated rapidly. When the last item was finished, he performed the same cleaning on the desk itself, eliminating the odor and leaving a spotless seat for anyone who might want it, "There. Sometimes, you need to put in some extra work to get rid of the past before you can move on. Sometimes," he looked over to Kensuke as he picked up Minami's items, "holding onto the past only allows it to continue stinking up the present."

"Sometimes, people shouldn't be forgiven for being thoughtless, cruel, and hurtful," the young man countered hotly. "Sometimes, they're just bad people that don't deserve redemption or forgiveness."

"I'm…." Minami wavered when the entire class looked from the scene unfolding to where she sat. When Hikari reached over and gently gripped her arm, she started, then drew on that strength to continue, "I'm…very sorry, Aida-san. I wasn't a nice person, and I didn't treat the people around me like…well, like people. I know that I can't be expected to be forgiven, right away…but I'd like it if people gave me a chance to show that I'm not… _her_ anymore. She was stupid, petty…scared, and lonely. If…well, if you want to hate me still, that's fine. I deserve it, for how I treated you. But please, don't take it out on my senpai. He's got enough pain happening in his life, he needs our support not our anger."

Morimoto, sitting closer to the side of the room that the Manor denizens occupied, loudly slapped his desk, "That's a solid apology, Ken-kun. You can't tell me that she tried to talk around it. She said what she did wrong, she owns the fact that she can't be forgiven right away, and she wants a chance to make it right. Let's be real men, and let someone have that chance, huh? Can't walk around carrying old wrongs and expect to have room in our bags for new rights, yeah?"

"That's a good way of putting it, Morimoto-san," Shinji approved, keeping his eyes on Kensuke. "It's not easy letting go of anger, of pain, but there's a much better world waiting out there for those who do. Sometimes the first step is finding a better crowd to hang around."

"Is that who you are, Ikari-san?" The bespectacled youth glowered, "A 'better crowd'?"

"He's better than Suzuhara was," Yang frowned, starting to put a few things together that she really wished she hadn't had to. "How often did you hang out at his place? Every day?"

"We're not talking about me," he said evasively. "We're talking about Miss 'Hey fatso, how are my sales figures' over there."

Shinji calmly walked everything he'd picked up over to Minami, setting it down and helping stop anything from toppling off her desk, "I'd assume they were rather high, she's very attractive. She wasn't, however, taking the pictures and selling them herself." Turning back around, he leaned on Yang's desk with both hands and returned his focus to the problem, "You're an only child, right? Wouldn't really be familiar with how siblings play with each other…right?"

His fiancée crossed her arms, "It'd be a little awkward, someone trying to make it into the military only to have their background investigation show that they covered for some asshole. Since we're talking about who people hang around and all, only makes sense that we consider who _you_ decided to buddy up with."

"…When I went over there, he'd lay off her." Kensuke's eyebrows knit, and he looked down, "That's why I wasn't…upset that I had to go help her out. Help her learn some coding. What was I supposed to do?" His eyes flashed hot, "I told her dad. I told _my_ dad, who just said that it wasn't our family so it wasn't our business!"

"That kind of problem is everyone's business," Shinji stood back up straight. "Especially those of us who make it our life's work to protect others. The police, Kensuke-san," he pinched the bridge of his nose, "they exist for a reason. An anonymous tip, through a hacked terminal, where nobody knows who did it, and some very nice people with badges and authority go investigate what was being done to her. I'm…quite certain that both you and I know _exactly_ what I'm talking about. I would take it as a kindness if you would stop speaking poorly of anyone in our school. After all, the walls of your house wouldn't take well to bricks being thrown through them from the inside." Feeling the teacher's song approach, he moved to his desk, "We should all be focusing on learning, now. There's a lot of responsibility on our shoulders, we need to be ready for it."

+++++ 15th Angel + 7: Thursday, December 1st (126)

"I have learned some of the problem, but I would not say that I have learned all of the problem," Amy focused on her diction, and more specifically on being _clear_ with her word choices. The woman she was speaking with, Misato Katsuragi, was not an idiot, but she wasn't a doctor. "Many of the comparisons I am drawing are coming from the cloned body of your ally, which is a bad process from start to finish. We, my species that is, do not seem to suffer from this condition that is afflicting your pilot. Much of it seems to be genetic, as I said, focusing on mutations and variances in what appears to be 'typical'. The limited samples I have, from you, from Kodama, from Hikari, from Maya, and from the clone, do not show the same markings. If I had another person who was suffering from this condition, I might be able to do more to study ways to mitigate the damage it does. From all appearances, however, Doctor Akagi has a good plan of action. Treat the sleeplessness, treat the…."

Ritsuko offered what she believed to be the word, "Mania?"

"That one doesn't translate," the alien doctor shrugged apologetically. "What I'm trying to describe seems like an inability to stay still, to focus, to engage in rational decision making, and to properly metabolize the chemicals that her body produces in inconsistent and inappropriate amounts that induce those issues."

"You don't have mania?" Misato raised her eyebrows in surprise, "But you think that you're genetically similar enough to mate with Shinji? Is that really something that's human? Don't other mammals suffer from it?"

"Similar symptoms do not denote the same diseases," Ritsuko shrugged. "If you present with an elevated fever and bleeding from the eyes, it could be any of five different pathogens off the top of my head. Treating the symptoms is easier than the root cause, which is why we're being cautious here. That they don't have mania, or even manic-depression, isn't shocking. A species that's basically immortal might have selected against passing along whatever it is in humans that causes it."

Amy nodded, "Some of that didn't translate properly, but that is a correct summation. I cannot run a scan on her, she's not 'family'. I cannot give her _my_ medications, but I could help you develop some that would work well if we knew what to treat. Sedatives are simple, scheduling her to take them is not. Encouraging her to eat regularly is also a scheduling issue. With something like this, most of our ability to impact her health is limited by her willingness to work with us…or your authority to force her to."

Unhappy with the situation, it was only fair that the lavender-haired sub-commander seemed ill at ease with what she had to report, "That has been increased, somewhat. Maya has been given medical custody, and Pilot Soryu has been declared 'contaminated' by the commander. We're to do what we can, in house, while keeping her exposure to others at a minimum. You, Rits, and Maya are the only two that have no need to seek out my, or the old man's, approval to see her. What that buys us is time, but what we do with it is up to Maya. If she feels we're being…heavy-handed, I'm authorizing her to stop the treatment. We can't force Asuka to become what we want her to be, even if it's undeniably what is best for her. But we can set her on a course for getting better, and show her that choosing to work with us means a longer, happier, life."

+++++ 15th Angel + 7: Thursday, December 1st (126)

 _He didn't know about the worst of it,_ Shinji shared with Yang and Tsuru as Hikari and their guest for the evening spoke to the Class Rep responsible for the students that had been abusing Minami. _While it is disgusting enough that he knew Yinghua was being beaten, that he wasn't aware of the…. I'm not going to be speaking with him for a while, but I won't be pushing for legal remedies._

Yang was glaring over at the increasingly unhappy young man in question, _I'm going to have the Shirakami do some looking. Ma will want to know about this, and I'll trust her to make the right judgments. He may be talented with computers, but we can hire better. If he knew about someone hurting her, and said nothing, who knows what else he's said nothing about?_

Tsuru refused to look at Kensuke, _How can you not try and help a child? I…I know that you've said you're not going to push for anything, my prince, but it is not fair that our family carries this burden and he suffers nothing. If I had known anything, I would have done something. Told Hikari-chan, if no one else!_

 _The Shirakami are a better place to let this be handled,_ Shinji agreed. _Some things can…and should, be handled outside of the traditional legal system. They'll know how to go about this better than I do. Go ahead and text your mother, Yang. I want this moving before school lets out._ Covering for her change of direction, he stood and blocked her from view on that side of the room, "You forgot to put in your hairband this morning, Yang-chan. Let me handle that." Summoning a strand from thin air and braiding it into her hair with dexterous fingers, he focused on keeping his anger from growing. _Kyoko, I think I need you to sit in my lap this next period._

Appearing at his desk, floating so that it seemed she was seated upon the writing surface, the raven-haired doctor glowered at the most recent target of the household's ire, _Of course, meine Mausbärchen. I would be thrilled to distract you from learning during the school day._ Waving with a wink at Tsuru, she dismissed the nuisance as inconsequential, _Hello dear. I hear you're going to be serenading the world here soon._

 _If I can't convince the stage to swallow me whole, that is,_ Tsuru tried not to slump in her chair.

+++++ 15th Angel + 7: Thursday, December 1st (126)

"Were domestic tasks not a component of your training?" Rei was, once more, perched on a stool in the kitchen, waiting while Fuuka fretted over one of the least complicated mechanical devices ever created by mankind, "The buttons to press should be fairly well marked. If I remember correctly, the one you seek should be red, and show wavy lines indicating heat."

"Oh my, yes!" With a happy clap, Fuuka pressed the button her new friend indicated, "Thank you, Rei-sama. I was uncertain what that odd symbol meant. It might have been better had they labelled it with the character for heat, instead of those three lines which to me seemed to indicate a stream." Looking about, she stumbled across her next barrier to serving tea, "I apologize, I am uncertain as to where Shinji-sama stores the teacups. Should I…would it be impolite to look through the cabinets? Might he be hiding something that he would not want us to see?"

The bluenette shook her head lightly, "No. Were he to keep anything hidden, he would do so within his room. He anticipates any area that has access to others in the household to be for their use. If anything, he would refrain from keeping anything he might need or use in such places. Perhaps next to the refrigerator, it is where the cups were kept in the apartment he shared with the sub-commander for a time."

Timidly opening the mentioned door, the amber-eyed teen said a silent prayer that she was not violating an unknown rule. Spying the necessary dishes, her face brightened once more, "An excellent supposition, they are right here. None seem to bear any markings…does he have specific cups for specific people, or are these for general use?"

"I would doubt that 'favorite' cups would be kept with the majority of them. Anyone who might have one would likely keep them in their room, where they need not worry about someone breaking it." Thinking through the likely places for various items, she guided the sighted woman through the kitchen with gentle prompting. After everything had been discovered, prepared, and ready for carrying out to serve Suzuka, she slid herself from the stool, "If you will carry the tray, I will keep my hand on your back to follow you. So long as you do not bump into anything, I shall not either."

"If that meets with your approval, then I shall do so." Her footfalls were scarcely audible as she approached, "Please, inform me if I begin to move too fast for you. I am still uncertain as to how best to support you in moving about the house."

Forcing herself to touch the other woman, she inwardly lamented that Shinji was not around, "I believe that the appropriate colloquialism is, 'We shall manage'."

+++++ 15th Angel + 7: Thursday, December 1st (126)

"Oh no," Minami clapped her hands over her mouth in disgust. "No…." Making a face, she shook her head slowly, "That's terrible! I can't believe he didn't evacuate her to the shelters!" Looking amongst the four people she could see, missing Kyoko's presence on Shinji's shoulder, her shoulders wilted, "She's better now, though…right? I mean…she's living with you guys."

"She's receiving appropriate care," Hikari didn't want to share everything just yet, and had limited the explanation to only what had caused Sakura's most visible scars. "Everyone at the house does what we can, and Ritsuko-san was a huge help in making sure she was able to recover faster. You aren't wrong in that she's better…but she's not _better_."

Yang bumped the back of her wrist against Minami's shoulder, "Just make sure to not make a big deal out of it when you come over, ok? My baby sister is a strong, determined, young lady who doesn't like people fussing over her. It's ok to interact with her like she's nine, just don't coddle her."

Tsuru looked off towards the direction of the elementary school, "I wonder how they're doing today. They ought to have had their appointment already, right? Our lunch is later than theirs."

"It went well," Shinji sat with his back against the old oak tree, his eyes closed. Drawing strength and peace from both the woman around him and the giant living being he rested upon, "Nicki says that there were some tears, and some yelling, but nothing that we need to be worried over. They're healing…now."

Minami frowned slightly, "Are you certain it's ok for me to come over tonight? I don't want to be a distraction, if all of you have to help with your sisters."

"Life doesn't give us one thing to manage at a time, Minami-chan," he shrugged the shoulder not currently holding someone upon it. "We're blessed with a household full of confident, capable, people who try their best to be and do what is needed at any point in time. With the only other class having people that you aren't comfortable studying with, it's our duty," he opened one eye and fixed it on her, "and our privilege, to try and get you on the right track. If you want to try and be a friend of the family, to be closer to all of us, then this is the best way to start."

+++++ 15th Angel + 7: Thursday, December 1st (126)

"It is not going to move faster," Amy replied. "I have one chance at cloning her properly, and so help me if any [Song] up there touches my lab while I am down here, I will toss them in the [Song] for composting!"

Maya nodded, accepting the answer as the best she'd get, "I understand. I'm just…thinking we could use the win. Managing to get her back alive, even if she decides she doesn't want to deal with what has happened after…." Shuddering at the memory of the video, she clapped her hands on her cheeks, "He accepted Idunn's decision, and seemed genuine in that acceptance. If Noelle doesn't want to join us, he'll hurt…but I think he'll just be happy she's alive."

"Which is why I am being careful. If I mess this up, and ruin the only chance he has at this…. Not going to happen. I have safeguards on my safeguards. I am using a checklist that has quadruple redundancy," she showed her handheld assistant, "see?"

Unable to read the language, but recognizing an organized mind when she saw the writings of one, she murmured in appreciation. "How hard is it to learn your language? Those marks aren't separate from one another, is it like cursive in English? Where all of your lettering flows together?"

"It…is not easy," the bubbly doctor deflated slightly. "I would not be the best person to start teaching you, either. My accent is uncommon, and our writing system is based on a different character set. Let me…." Tapping a few buttons, she showed the device again, "See? This is what the Captain would write in."

Whorls and swirls abounded, and suddenly the neatly organized page seemed to have become truncated to a third of its previous length. Small dots, large feathers, tiny accent marks all flowed around one another in a dance that seemed…. "Are…are those characters _moving_?"

"Mmm? Yeah," tapping a few of them, she shrugged, "it indicates a phrase with multiple [Song]. The traditional method used a repeated character instead. But that was a few [Song] ago. Like…forty six million revolutions around your star? We've had technological advancements that allow us to handle this without worry for at least that long."

Maya snorted out a laugh, "And you don't have a word for 'mania'?"

+++++ 15th Angel + 7: Thursday, December 1st (126)

The place where everyone he loved lived, where he supposedly called home, was not as full as it could have been when he arrived. That did not, however, mean that it was not full at all. Between the two teens who did not attend school, Team Rainbow, Suzuka, two of three agents, and now the troupe that _did_ attend school, plus Minami, there was plenty of activity in the house to be nervous about. Not given a choice by his wife, who had declared that she would go with Yang to get something to tide everyone over until dinner, Shinji was left with the task of introducing their guest. "Ok…well, everyone, this is Minami Kajima. She's our classmate, and has recently made the decision to refocus on her studies. To that effect, we wanted to have her come over for a study session and see how much we might be able to help her. Minami…." Bracing himself, he started on the far end of the couch, "You know Rei-chan, she's currently recovering from an ailment and has unfortunately lost her sight. We're hoping that it's temporary, or fixable, but until we know one way or the other she's going to be taking her lessons here in the Manor."

"Kajima-san," Rei inclined her head politely.

To Minami's credit, she didn't shy away from the awkward, "I'm…real sorry for what I've said about you in the past, Ayanami-san. I was a…erm," she remembered that there were 'little ears' present and changed her declaration, "very bad person. I did not act like a good classmate, and I acted like a worse human being. I hope that you recover soon, and I hope that you can forgive me."

Rei, as was typical for her view of the world, simply tilted her head slightly, "I am afraid I do not recall any specific instances of inappropriate behavior. Though I will admit that I was often preoccupied with my own thoughts. I accept your apology, and your wishes for my health."

Shinji moved on, to avoid drawing out the awkwardness, "Sitting next to her is Fuuka Hayakawa. She…was homeschooled until recently, after her mother passed she moved in with us and has joined Rei-chan to help her find her way around the house and through the lesson plans."

"It is a pleasure to meet an acquaintance of Shinji-sama's," Fuuka bowed politely. "If there is anything I might do to be of assistance, please do not hesitate to ask."

"Likewise," Minami returned manners for manners, though with a far more modern style of bow.

"Next to Fuuka is my wife, Suzuka Ikari." Smiling as he gestured to her, he added, "Probably the one woman in the house that can whip me in a fight."

Inclining her head slightly, as if accepting a supplicant, Suzuka was not about to give a mistaken impression of the standings around the house, "Though only if he should forget to keep his guard up. Pleased to meet you, Kajima-chan."

The young woman who thought herself a rare beauty was beginning to see how common she might actually have been, "Y-yeah, likewise, ma'am."

Standing, and introducing herself in the fashion of her homeland, Nicolette extended her hand with a friendly smile, "Pleased to meet you, Miss. My name is Nicolette. I'll spare you having to pronounce my last name, it's a real tongue twister for anyone not comfortable in English. You can just call me Nicki, though. Easier to say."

Awkwardly shaking her hand, Minami kept her smile up, if just barely, "Thank you, Nicki-san. I'm afraid English isn't my best subject."

"Nii-san!" Nozomi came hurrying out of the hallway, before skidding to a halt and looking askance at the 'interloper', "Uhm…sorry."

"No, no," Shinji urged her over, "I was introducing everyone to one of my classmates. I told her about you during lunch." Once she was an appropriate distance, he indicated the lone remaining Horaki, "This is Nozomi Horaki. Nozomi-chan, this is Minami Kajima."

"Welcome to our home," Nozomi bowed politely.

"Thank you for having me, I'm sorry for being a bother," Kajima returned her bow.

Spying the other half of Team Rainbow moving with Akane, Shinji waved them over too, "You probably recognize Akane from the times she was standing outside our classroom. Akane, I _know_ you recognize Minami."

"Yep. Second column from the windows, fourth seat back from the front." Waving one finger in an informal wave, she greeted their guest, "Nice to meet you."

"And here," he allowed Sakura to hobble closer, "is the last person that's in the house right now. This is Yinghua Xu. Yinghua-chan, this is Minami Kajima."

Crouching down Minami put on her best smile, "I was told that you two have the most awesome team name. Looking at you, I can see why they call you Team Rainbow. I'm sorry that you didn't know I was over, Nozomi-chan, did you two need to borrow your nii-san for a few minutes? I can catch up with Ayanami-san, it's no problem."

"If it would not be too much trouble…." Nozomi looked between Shinji and Minami, "It…it is not polite to separate a host from guests."

"I'll keep an eye on her, Nozomi-chan," Tsuru assured the little lady. "I want to show her where things are anyway."

Kissing his fiancée on the top of her head, he whispered a quiet thanks, "Let's go, ladies. I take it I need to see something in one of the rooms?"

"Yes," Sakura urged him onwards, towards their bedrooms.

+++++ Author's Notes:

Ghost Man: RE: Lunar series.

I really liked those games. Got the collector's editions when they came out, with the cloth maps and CDs and whatnot. I should throw those soundtracks on, just for nostalgia.

Guest:

RE: Praise.

Thank you, I appreciate you taking the time to read this. Fingers crossed that I stick the landing.


	144. Chapter 144

+++++ 15th Angel + 7: Thursday, December 1st (126)

"Ma'am, I'm really wanting you to reconsider this," the lead agent responsible for guarding Asuka from outside intervention begged the woman she knew was authorized to override her concerns. Not too proud to do what she needed to protect people, she clasped her hands together before her chest, "Please. Getting her to take her medicine this morning cost me one of my kids for a week with a concussion. I'm not even going to approach that from a judgmental standpoint, because whatever she's experienced in those giant robots is not something I can say I understand. If she's broke, we need to help her. _Not_ at the cost of you getting your face rearranged and me having to beg your husband to let me kill myself publicly to wipe the shame clean."

Maya wasn't even remotely close to being in the same star system as the concept of 'heartless', however too many people still believed that she might retain some of the meekness that had colored their first impressions of her before she regained her memories of the time she'd spent in the world Shinji came from, "One, he wouldn't let you no matter how hard you begged. Two, I'm not going in there alone. Three, I need to speak to her about _why_ we're forcing her to accept medications or we're in violation of both laws and medical codes of conduct." Smiling in understanding, she shrugged, "And four, please make certain to file the appropriate paperwork regarding Pilot Soryu's actions. Losing control of herself is not acceptable, and injuring people who aren't trying to injure her is equally unacceptable. I'm not going to allow her to mistreat anyone, and I'm not going to defend or enable her bad actions." Turning her body and gesturing to the interlocks that stopped the door from being opened without two authorizations, she shifted her smile towards expectant.

"I tried." Sighing, the woman moved to do her legally-demanded duty, "Kuramochi, make sure you're switched on here. Anything happens to her, and it's our ass." Disarming the locks, she walked over to the final safety on the door itself, "I'm going in first, ma'am. That's protocol, and it's not negotiable."

"Of course," Shinji's Advisor prepared herself for a tough conversation. "Thank you for being professional about this."

+++++ 15th Angel + 7: Thursday, December 1st (126)

With only the teens left around the table, and the lone male classmate gone to speak to the younger girls, Minami felt out the social situation as best she could, "So, this is really a great place. It's so big, but that makes sense with how tall senpai has become. I can only imagine him having to duck constantly in my dad's apartment. We're lucky the classroom's so tall, or he'd be out of luck."

"It was built for him, specifically," Hikari sat holding Rei's hand, allowing Fuuka to serve out the snacks. "The engineering team wanted to make certain that he would be able to move around without risking just that."

Tsuru groaned, "When we were visiting Ogawa, he had to duck under the crossbeams in my old house. He kept reaching up," she pantomimed the motion, "to grip them so that he knew where they were. I was _mortified_. I mean, that house was always so big to me, and then this?" She rolled her finger, "I feel like I'm living in one of those houses from your movies, Yang."

"Nah," the waitress was busying herself setting up Shinji's notes. "This place doesn't have enough hidden passageways or secret rooms. And it's too defensible. One point of entry, not counting the windows? Couldn't film a horror movie here unless it was one of those where you were trapped in the house and becoming stir-crazy."

Rei, not meaning to sound as her statement came out, lamented, "I will miss having further opportunities to watch movies with you all. The night before your journey to Ogawa was enjoyable, the shopping trip the next day was also a valued learning experience."

"I'm sorry, Rei-chan," Tsuru winced. "I didn't think about how it would sound before I said anything."

The three ladies 'in the know' were aware of what followed that fateful night, and how they almost lost Rei forever. Hikari was quick to try and smooth things over, "I am certain that there must be some way for the blind to enjoy movies. They have that descriptive audio service, it's one of the options on the menu right there with subtitling. Maybe we can get Rei a nice set of headphones, so that she can listen?"

"My mom used that," Minami gestured to her own ears. "Before she died, she'd been blind most of her life. I didn't know that movies didn't just have someone talking over them until I went on my first date." Laughing dryly, she shrugged, "I was so confused, and kinda fortunate that the guy wasn't worth dating. He kept trying to put his arm around my shoulders, after taking me to a comedy movie. I mean, really. Who cuddles in a _comedy_?"

Yang pursed her lips, "So…it works? I mean, I've never used that option on the movies, except by accident."

"Oh yeah. Describes the scene, the mood, what the actors are doing when they're not talking. If you close your eyes, you get a pretty good idea of what's happening on the screen. You miss some stuff, the subtle things, but there's a limit to what someone talking can do in the short time they can talk without talking over the actors." With a half-hearted gesture to the TV, she shrugged, "You should try it out. I'm sure that beast has the capacity to connect to a wireless set of headphones. If senpai can afford the house, he can probably swing a pair."

The bluenette squeezed Hikari's hand, "Do not trouble yourself on my account, Class Representative."

"I will 'trouble myself' with whatever I want to," Hikari declared teasingly. "I'll ask our shopper to see about a pair. Minami-chan has a great idea here, and I think it's worth checking out. Besides, your backpay should be coming in soon and if you're that worried about spending Shinji's money, you can spend your own on them."

"I approved of my finances being managed by the group account," the corners of Rei's mouth turned down slightly. "My money is, and should remain, ours to use as appropriate."

"Then it's _appropriate_ that we use it on something to help you enjoy movie nights with us," Shinji reentered the conversation by kissing both Rei and Hikari on the top of their heads. "Nothing major with Rainbow, Nozomi-chan was worried about Yinghua-chan's health and how it might be impacted by her decision last night. She wanted to talk to me, because she knows that I'll always listen." Sitting down between Yang and Minami, he let a smile show, "Which…made me feel good."

Aggressively patting his thigh, the leggy waitress cheered, "As it darn well should, 老公. No matter what happens, family fights for family, and Nozomi-chan wants you to be a part of her family forever."

Rei returned everyone's focus to the task at hand, not wishing to delay and risk doing things poorly, "I spent the morning instructing Fuuka-san on the grammatical tenses present in English, and how their syntax differs from Japanese. I would appreciate some assistance in making it clearer to her, before we proceed into math, as the lesson will be more recent in her mind."

"English it is, then," Hikari squeezed Rei's hand and then moved to stand before everyone. "Ok, let's start studying. If we still have time after we've covered everything, we'll see about maybe watching a movie together as a reward. We'll leave on the descriptive service, so we all know what kind of things Rei will hear, and what Minami grew up thinking was typical. It'll be a bonding experience, right?"

+++++ 15th Angel + 7: Thursday, December 1st (126)

"I'm going to go ahead and ask the simple question first. Because, hopefully, that will make everything else clearer to my small, Misato-sized, brain." Worrying her thumb into her palm as she watched the video of the encounter again, she tried not to raise her voice, "Two agents. Larger, stronger, well-rested, well-fed, and working together, could not keep the patient from choking Lieutenant Colonel Ikari?"

Remaining calm, despite the desire to panic and curl into a small ball, Maya worked her hand over her throat, "I went in there against their advice, Colonel. I earned this." She'd be accused of many things before she was accused of not taking her share of whatever blame she'd accrued. "Wow…I sound terrible."

"Remind me to thank Shinji for forcing me to quit smoking," Ritsuko sighed. "You sound like someone who'd had a fifty packs a day habit, ma'am." Looking to Misato, she shrugged, "Soryu is not in her right mind at the moment. She fell asleep yesterday only because she collapsed. That sleep wasn't restful, wasn't healing, and clearly wasn't sufficient. The only food I'm certain she's taken in was introduced medically, and I doubt her hydration has been much better. My supervisor was well within her rights to attempt a more human touch, as the party responsible for Soryu's wellbeing, and should not be punished for making the effort to not be dispassionate and distant."

"Our worry, ma'am," the lead agent moved to answer the question implied by Misato, "was that a more forceful response might have led to Lieutenant Colonel Ikari's neck being ripped open. You can't really see in the tape, but the patient had her nails dug in hard at the trachea. Forceful motions risked serious injury, and breaking bones wasn't authorized." Not flinching in the slightest at Maya's scowl up at her, the agent replied calmly, "I would tear her head off to save you, ma'am. One of you is integral to the sanity of the man saving our worthless hides. The other is a capricious, self-centered, hypocrite that lashes out at those trying to help her regain her life. You're the medical professional, I'm the trained killer. It's why you are where you are, and I am where I am. This is not 'I told you so', this is 'I _will_ do my duty'."

Misato couldn't fault either response, and hated how much she agreed with the last statement, "Damn it all. Fine. Agent, go write up the AAR and some advisory procedures for dealing with future interactions with the Pilot." Motioning for them to be dismissed, she waited until the room was down to three before speaking again, "Maya…that was a real Shinji thing to do."

"I think that's a fair euphemism for 'stupid, but valorous'," Ritsuko tittered.

"Heavy emphasis on stupid," the woman stepped out from the sub-commander, moving to pour some coffee for her guest and fellow housemate. "I appreciate motivation, I really do. But what on Earth possessed you to actually step into that cell?" Dumping several packets of sugar in and stirring them with a peppermint stick, as she knew Maya preferred, she brought the mixture over and offered it to her, "I told you what she was doing. I _showed you_ what she was doing! What made you look at that and go, 'Sure, I'll risk causing my husband to destroy reality by dying stupidly'?"

Gratefully accepting the warm beverage, and sipping on it to lubricate her throat, the woman who was simultaneously third in command of NERV Tokyo-3, Chief of the Sciences Division, a Lieutenant Colonel in the UN Armed Forces, the first legally married polygamist in Japan in modern times, was now also vaguely aware of exactly what it meant that she accepted her place as The Advisor, "Did you know that I don't have to breathe anymore?" Pleased by the warmth of the cup as it flowed through her hands, she looked between the two stunned women, "I was sitting there being choked out, trying to think of what I could do to calm Asuka down, and I realized that I wasn't having the urge to breathe. My panic, mostly, was because I was worried that someone would hurt her. I'd be fine, because I have access to magic. She, however, would take a long time to heal from a broken everything."

Ritsuko held up a hand, "Ok, to cut short a lot of nonsense and accusations, we need to prove this. Most simple means available is I cover your mouth and pinch your nose. You're not trained in competitive static apnea, so I'm just going to wait a few minutes. At any point in time, if you even _seem_ like you're going to suffer I'm letting go and slapping you." Emerald eyes flicked to chocolate, "You can slap her after I make sure she's ok."

Misato hesitated, then shook her head and groaned, "Ok. If this is true, we're going to at least have to get an explanation as to _why_ it's true." Perching on the edge of her desk, she motioned for the test to start, "Go ahead. Let's keep violating physical laws."

Taking the Doctor's hand before she could place it over her mouth, Maya pulled her down and pecked her lips, "I'm sorry for worrying you." Placing that hand over her mouth, she sat and enjoyed the scent of the moisturizer Ritsuko had taken to using for a second before her nose was pinched shut as well. With nothing to do but wait, she idly stirred her coffee with the rapidly shrinking peppermint stick that she was happy Misato had taken to keeping around just for her. Standing before her, with increasing concern that was ameliorated by how calm she was being, were two women that nearly everyone in NERV fantasized about at some point. She, unlike the vast majority of people in the building, knew precisely what they sounded like in the throes of ecstasy. She…forgot about that too, _So, interesting moment here. Did you know we can talk in our minds? Because I think all three of us forgot we could talk in our minds._

Barking out a laugh, the lavender-haired warrior groaned, "Thirty seconds isn't that hard for someone in shape. But you're starting to scare me here, Maya. Do you have any idea what caused this change?"

 _I accepted my place at Shinji's side for all eternity?_ Speaking without gesturing was difficult, because she was actually starting to become excited by the potential changes that were waiting to be discovered, _I am his Advisor. My place is in his ear, whether to coach him on possible repercussions or even just to remind him of 'Memento Mori', he has operated without functional advice for far too long. I encouraged him to keep Kyoko around him at school if he needed. I cautioned him that there would be some people he might view differently. My hope is that the texts we've been getting from Hikari are all accurate. That he made it through the day without blowing up._

"Two minutes," Ritsuko mused. "She's not struggling. Her eyes are calm, her coloration is consistent. I'm not even sure _why_ her heart is beating if she doesn't require oxygen! This is…. What the hell does a Mage do anyway?" Looking back to Misato, she scowled, "Do you have any idea what I could do with my throat around his cock if I didn't have to breathe at all? I'd be able to create the type of suction you couldn't dream of, and make his eyes fall out of his head!"

"Seriously?" The General rolled her eyes, "Everyone makes it seem like I'm the one that's focused around sex all the time, when it's Doctor No-Gag here that bitches the most about how little she's spent with Shinji under the sheets. If we didn't need to breathe, Rits, the strategic applications are far more important than the sensual. Chemical weapons would be a concern only if they were contact-based, or around Rainbow. If we end up needing to evacuate the planet, we don't need to worry about carrying as much oxygen." The sudden appearance of a pint-sized Sachiel brought a new thought, "Wait…can you make liquid oxygen, Sachi-kun?"

The Aspect of Water held out a globe of the substance and gestured to it.

Sandalphon, floating behind Maya to consider Ritsuko, seemed amused, _You might have simply asked, Doctor. The Advisor, The Assassin, and The Princess have accepted their Roles. With that, comes benefits befitting those who will aid the Great One. Oxygen, nutrition, hydration, these are all weaknesses that could be exploited. Creation is simply removing those weaknesses to allow for better survival. The long span of time between now and eternity will be easier to manage without those handicaps._

Releasing her prisoner, the former blonde rolled her hands, "Ok, ok, but what does a Mage do?! I want what she has. Now!"

+++++ 15th Angel + 7: Thursday, December 1st (126)

Shinji had, at some point in the studying of English, been conscripted into performing a song in the language. He only hesitated owing to his concern that it might become a distraction before moving to the piano and putting his money where his mouth was. He had come up with the idea of Tsuru paying off her debt to the family by facing her fears of public performance, and came up with the idea thanks to their supporting him in the same. Choosing a shorter song, but one that could still be said to move at a slow enough pace to be understood, he began.

It was a song about a man who worked at a bar where a mixture of patrons came to drink away their problems and speak across social boundaries. About failures and laments, about regrets both pained and maudlin. But most of all it was about the man singing, and how he seemed to hear everyone's story as part of the same refrain. Elderly businessmen, would-be actors, servicemembers, and even the wait staff, all alone…together. The proprietor of the establishment knew that the man playing the piano and singing was who everyone came back for, not the cheap beer and watered-down drinks, helping them forget their troubles for a time.

The final lyrics of the final verse, unintentionally, seemed slightly accusatory. As it reminded the listeners that the singer himself was not immune from the sting of regret or pain, that he just as much as they were wasting their lives by him performing before a grateful, but still greedy, group of customers that gave him tips but never more. They paid his wages, as the manager couldn't fully reimburse him, but never encouraged him to attempt to break free and do or be more than what he was. It was the life of a performer too big for the stages, but with no understanding of how to go about doing or being more.

Lingering with his fingers on the final keys, he let the notes fade into the air around them before setting the cover back down and turning to face the group once more. He found, however, that the 'group' had grown by one in the five and a half minutes he'd played, and that several of those listening were more pained by what they knew was a commentary on how he viewed the world. Placing his hands in his pockets, he tipped his shoulders slightly forward to the one 'new' addition to those who'd returned home, "Welcome home. Kodama, this is Minami Kajima, a friend of ours. Minami-chan, allow me to introduce my wife, Kodama Ikari."

"Pleased to meet you," the busty nurse charmingly greeted the household guest. "You'll have to let me know what you did to get him to sing everyone a song, so that I can either repeat it or hire you to do it more often."

"Oh…I…wow," Minami looked around, "I didn't think it was that uncommon. With all these instruments here, I figured your, uh, your family would just be more musically inclined."

"Nobody asks," Shinji shrugged, returning to the couch. "I also don't want to presume and dominate the room. Instruments are loud, and some people might prefer quiet." Seating himself again, he added with inwardly-focused disdain, "Besides…how often lately have I been able to be home to play for you?"

Hikari stepped up once more to help keep things from feeding into Shinji's reflexive depression, "Then we'll have to take advantage of those times you _are_ here. So, the song was in English. I'm guessing that you didn't understand much of it Fuuka-chan?"

The amber-eyed teen responded with a hint of shame, "I apologize, I enjoyed the sound of his voice and his skill with the piano itself, but I was unable to appropriately follow the song itself. Several individual words were clear, 'the', as an example, but overall I agree with your assessment."

"Don't worry," Minami tried her hand at encouraging someone she'd begun to recognize as a bit of a 'charity case', "I didn't do much better. Towards the end, I'm almost certain that there was a line about putting bread in a jar and that just doesn't make sense."

Rei, surprising Shinji, responded before he could, "Bread in this instance refers to a colloquialism for money, jar refers to a repository for gratuity given to an individual who is not paid a fitting wage for the service they are providing to the business. Far more common in the country the artist was from. That you translated the words is impressive considering your self-proclaimed lack of skill with the language, Kajima-san. Understanding them, in this instance, would have required an understanding of the culture itself."

Yang moved to support by reaching across Shinji and patting Minami's leg, "Good job! Pointed out something odd, and got us a lesson in culture while we're at it."

Shinji felt a tug on his hair, and realized that his wife had moved behind the couch, and was encouraging him to sit back so she could hug him. Her voice sounded in his mind, and was as comforting as her embrace, _It was a lovely song. It was melancholy, sure, but we're not exactly in a dopamine-infused paradise right now._ Kodama pretended to listen to the ladies all encouraging each other, _I think you need to talk to Shamshel. It's not anything terrible, but I think they're just as confused about how to approach what they'd like to talk about as I am with what we spoke of earlier._

 _Later,_ he couldn't deny that after the hug, and watching the women all cheer each other on, that the world felt better. He saw what the women were doing as they did it, both the night before and today, and was initially irritated each time. The result, though, was that his own polite tendencies worked against his anger and he settled back into silence instead of engaging. His entire life remained a constant battle against a temper not his own, against a rage that consumed all of those moments he should be happy. It was as if…. With Kodama hanging off him, much like Kyoko tended to, he closed his eyes and settled into the cuddle. _Close your eyes for a second…I have something in my soul to show you._

+++++ 15th Angel + 7: Thursday, December 1st (126)

Landing between heartbeats, Shinji shifted his being from before Kodama to behind her. There was no motion, it wasn't a matter of speed or agility, he was simply before her being held as he sat one instant, and the next was picking her up in his own hug from behind, "I figured out that we could do things in my soul how long ago? Yet I still insist on acting like I'm human." Tossing her up in the air, he shifted again to catch her in a bridal carry, "I'm going to admit something awkward…but it's bothering me not to tell you."

Nervous at his anxiety, and robbed of the mutual support of her fellow ladies, Kodama hesitantly nodded, "If you think you need to, Baby. We've clearly got time."

"I'm…." Creating a chair for him to sit in, he fell into it, letting her land in his lap, "I'm starting to…doubt. Everything." Running one hand along her thigh, he scowled at his own mind, "Yesterday, I told five women I love more than I'm comfortable admitting to a woman I married that I would kill them, if necessary, to allow every being in Creation the chance to choose their own destiny. These women fought, life after life, to bring peace to Earth, and eventually the galaxy. Dying for their cause, reborn as their strength recovered, but always together." His hand tightened into a fist, "Lives where I was married to one of them, sometimes more. Lives where they gave me purpose, direction…something to come home to. Lives where I was a human, an alien, more machine than man, a mutant, a demon, everything and anything that I could possibly be…." His eyes were haunted, "I…I need to stop the universe from falling apart. _I_ need to be…I need to become more."

"Is it time, then?" Adam's voice preceded his appearance, standing a polite distance from the 'happy couple', "It's as logical a step as any to take."

Kodama frowned at the mirror image of the young man she'd instantly become smitten with, then turned back to her husband, "What are you talking about? What do you mean 'more'?"

Cupping his hand over her knee, he waited for the next person he presumed would appear, "I mean…I need to stop denying an entire category of my being, as someone I love tends to remind me."

Ireul's arrival was accompanied by the chorus of unyielding terror, though her voice was merely that of any wife greeting their spouse after a long day, "Not _quite_ what I'd meant when I said that, though it remains your decision to make. He's only taking up room as he is, room that might be put to better use elsewise." Turning to the shadow of her father, she tilted her head to consider him curiously, "I honestly hadn't considered it a possibility before I met you. After all…it seemed impossible that anyone could be 'more' than the being that created us."

Adam spread his hands slightly, "Everyone has a creator. Even Creation. Those who came before are never as powerful as they seem, nor those who come after as weak as we fear them to be. There are worse fates to meet."

Shinji's wife was becoming increasingly nervous, "Shinji, what are you going to do?"

Gently setting her down, and standing far taller than he'd seemed able to, The Wanderer smiled sadly, "Hurt…I'm going to hurt. It's kind of why I wanted you here."

Shifting, as Shinji himself had, Ireul firmly grasped Kodama to stop her from interfering in any way. "Steady, my dear. This is something that we've been waiting to have happen for far longer than you can understand."

Unable to speak, or move, Kodama watched in a panic as the man she loved approached Adam as if walking to his own execution. Anything that caused this kind of pain for him couldn't be a positive.

"I'm certain you know what I intend, Adam. Are you…certain, that you are all right with this?" Towering over himself, the smaller seemed so much stronger than the greater being. Shinji knew all too well what it was like, staring oblivion in the eye. He'd done it countless times himself, "We don't know what doing this will mean for you."

"It will mean I'm free," Adam shrugged. "Every avenue I have considered over these long centuries of solitude has ended the same way. I grow angrier, unable to even consider compromise. I become more discontent with not having control, lash out, and either take over or…well…." He grinned, "I believe there is a saying that fits, among the Lilin, 'We both knew it would always end this way'. Ah well, it could have been a far worse life."

Shinji reached down and gripped his shoulder, "It should have been better, for both of us. There is much I could have learned from you…if you could have brought yourself to share it with me."

His grin faded, replaced by a look of peace, "The only lesson I could ever give you is this, my friend. Great men do not move through life with clean hands. We do what we must, for those who cannot. There will be death, there will be famine, there will be chaos. If you would end it, you must become greater than any other man to ever walk the Halls of Creation. This? This is the next step, in an endless line of them. For you, for me, for those who I begat…for those who would shelter in your grip." Setting his hand on Shinji's side, he nodded, "If we must rule over a Hel…make the enemy's Gardens pale in comparison."

Wrapping his giant hand around a neck he recognized as his own, and staring into eyes that he barely remembered, he whispered, "Goodbye." It was far too easy, for how horrifying it was to do. He'd applied more pressure during some of the more aggressive sex he'd had with Maya, in his mind. A twitch of his hand, and head and body separated. A twitch of his hand….

A giant of light was murdered.

A giant of light was born.

+++++ 15th Angel + 7: Thursday, December 1st (126)

"If this goes poorly," Kyoko longed to be where Kodama was: with the loving nurse soothing a weeping Shinji, holding his head in her lap. Instead, she sat watching the proceedings with Arael from a distance. "Are you _certain_ we shouldn't have counseled him not to do this? He's…he's going to remember killing himself for the rest of his life!"

The White Raven preened the feathers of one wing without worry, _Any decision made regarding my forebear, which included my input, would be subject to further endless analysis as to whether I wished it out of vengeance, mercy, or need. You, Kyoko Ikari, are The Fury, not The Healer. You see how she glows brightly, now? We have gained a more secure footing as his emotional variances decrease without_ his _presence corrupting Creation, we have raised another to her proper Role, and all without giving in to myopia._

Bright blue eyes grew pained as she realized how much truth could really hurt, "I'm not going to go easy on you if this goes poorly."

 _I would not 'go easy' on myself, either._ Stamping her foot, she shook her wings in irritation, _He will grow from this. He will become less bound and tethered to his Lilin failings, more accepting of the Adamite gifts. He will no longer be chained to a faltering course, he will be free to soar amongst the stars themselves should he wish it! He will, I assure you, be calmer for his rational decision to include The Healer in his actions. She, amongst all of them, is now best suited to deal with his pain._

+++++ 15th Angel + 7: Thursday, December 1st (126)

"I started having serious doubts when I realized that for all of my journeys with Zeruel, I had made no progress." Laying with his head in Kodama's lap, his hair being toyed with idly, he attempted to explain his rationale for the sudden move, "I've been…angry, lost, confused…. Before I came back and, well…yelled at you all in the hospital room, I was discussing it with Ireul and Kyoko. Every time I tried to move forward, I was pulled back to where I was. Eventually, and as much as I hate to say it I credit my father with this, I realized that Creation wasn't going to allow me to move forward until I'd cleaned up the past."

Kodama was surprised that he'd spoken with the man, "Your father?"

"He left, again. No word, no letter, no call in an attempt to speak to me. Just like he'd turned his back on me at the train station, he's gone to face his fate without reaching out to me. Whether it's because he knows I don't want to speak to him or because it's just how he is, he _didn't_ _change_ despite how much the world around him had." The concept might have amused him, at any other point in his life, "I realized that for as often as I'd said it, I wasn't consistently applying the statement that if Gendo Ikari would do something, maybe I should reanalyze my choices in doing that same thing myself. Arael is the Fifteenth Angel. Armisael will be the Sixteenth, and Tabris the Seventeenth. The problem is, I never dealt with the _First_. I was building my foundations on sand, and when they kept crumbling I was blaming everything around me…instead of looking inside of me and making sure my own house was in order."

The Healer, amazed at her own strength, forced his head to look at her, "Both are necessary. Just because you have problems, and you know those problems need tending to, does not mean that the world around you isn't to blame. We could have been doing a better job of supporting you. We need to stop feeding your anger, your sorrow. Life isn't one-dimensional, Baby."

He could only offer a weak smile, too spent to be emotionally deeper, "My hope is, without Adam's rage at my decisions, I'll only have to deal with my own. I wasn't balanced, I'm _not_ balanced. But with him gone to…wherever he is, I'm free to handle my own problems instead of both of ours."

"Was he really so upset at what you were doing? Was it just the fact that you weren't…I don't know, being exceedingly manly or something?" The world around them was so much calmer, in her eyes, as the menacing clouds surrounding the dome slowly dissipated into the aether of his soul, "I don't really understand his motivations in any of this. He had to know that you wouldn't willingly do whatever it was he wanted you to. You're kinda stubborn like that."

"Adam…much like my father, I think, can't change who he is. He is, or was now I guess, what he was. How good that was would be up to the person dealing with him, but ultimately the being you spoke with is the being he'd been for…I don't know, forever?" Shinji himself was feeling far lighter, after talking with Kodama. He'd noticed the skies clearing, and wondered how much of that turmoil was because he'd been warring within himself over his new heritage, "Constant change is terrible. It takes away our ability to consider our positions, to analyze our mistakes, to repeat our successes. But that rigid stasis? My father, as little as I want to credit him with anything, singlehandedly drove the world towards the only means of defense against the Angels. You can accomplish great things with focus and dedication that strong…but you'll suffer the same flaws. He never reconsidered his position; if he analyzed his mistakes, he never made an effort to address those unimportant to his tasks. I'm not human, Kodama. I can't be that imbalanced if I'm going to interact with those that are without risking hurting them terribly." Lifting his torso, he pressed his lips to hers before pulling back and smiling, "It's been half of a second, we should really stop being rude to our guest."

+++++ 15th Angel + 7: Thursday, December 1st (126)

Studying went far more smoothly after Shinji opened his eyes. Shifting where he sat every so often, he tried to give his full attention to each of the ladies present at the session for a time. Moving about, generally opposite where he chose to sit, Hikari was doing the same in support of his seemingly sudden motivation. Rei's song grew tremendously as he sat by her with his hand on her knee, describing the math problems they were facing. Tsuru was both surprised and, in something of a surprise for him, decidedly interested in taking a quick trip to his soul for some affection. Fuuka nearly fainted as he sat down by her, his leg touching hers, to help build her foundation of knowledge. Yang was serene about the attention, having understood far faster than anyone else what he was trying to do and grateful that he didn't prioritize her over those that 'needed' the attention more. Hikari squawked as he pulled her down into his lap to work with Minami on the chemistry equations, then gave him a quick kiss before moving on after several minutes to leave him alone with their guest.

It was that guest, however, that brought his actions to his attention, "Senpai…why are you spending twice as long with me?" Her voice a low whisper, trying not to be heard over the din of conversational studying, she looked at him with confusion, "You're not being rude, I promise. I know you have to split your attention eighty different ways, now. I can make friends with everyone."

Keeping his voice low to match hers, he shrugged one shoulder, "Because I like sitting near a beautiful young woman, and I'm the best person to teach you this particular formula. This is how the Manor works, Minami. Someone needs a little bit more, everyone works around whoever is best for that situation. I could be spending time with Rei, but she's building up her rapport with Fuuka. Hikari is a far better teacher than I am, overall, and can work with Yang's weaknesses in a way that I'm less able to without distracting her. Kodama is familiar with the more practical applications of this in chemistry, which is what Tsuru is interested in studying. That means I'm lucky enough to spend more time with someone trying her hardest to not fall back on old, bad, habits. Which," he let a half-grin show, "is something I need to try and do better on myself. By supporting you, I'm supporting myself…and, again, getting to look at an extremely attractive young woman while doing so. Win-win, really."

Swallowing visibly, her lip quivered through a variety of emotions, "I'm…not nearly on their level. The women in your household? It's like you have a sign out front saying 'You Must Be This Hot To Join', and…as confident as I am, I'm not measuring up."

"It's not a contest," he assured her. "I'd expect them to beat me with a frying pan if I ever started to compare them that way. I may not feel Hikari is beautiful in the same way I feel Rei is beautiful in the same way I feel Mikoto is beautiful," he frowned suddenly, "sorry, you haven't met her. Regardless, a Rose and a Lily are equally beautiful flowers, if in different ways. I'm just lucky to have them in the garden I'm honored to tend to." Tapping the paper they were working on, he urged them to continue on, "I'm not wanting to make you uncomfortable, and I'm sorry if I am."

Looking around at the others in the room, all of whom were too deeply engaged in their own learning to have taken note of the conversation, she took a small risk, "Are you…flirting?"

"I'm being honest. I can…hear your music. Your soul speaks of a painful past, of a lack of support, of a mother gone too soon. You wish that you'd been here, longer, instead of back at your old town with its fishing and canning. You spent your life being teased for being 'too pretty', because that meant you had one use and one use alone, and it wasn't between your ears. Every young man that tried to get your attention did so thinking only of 'right now', and not a commitment. You eventually decided that was your only path to success." Tapping the paper again, he raised his eyebrow, "She's not who I'm sitting next to. She's not who is trying to reach higher. I will help you climb as far as you want to reach, Minami Kajima. Friends, if nothing else. But you need to understand something, my life is not easy. It's not simple, and it is full of pain. The women in this room have suffered terribly, and are working with and for each other to alleviate that suffering. I'm willing to flirt…but only if you're willing to accept that you'll be one piece of something far greater than yourself. Now," he grinned, "what do we do with this fraction to continue on?"

+++++ 15th Angel + 7: Thursday, December 1st (126)

Everyone had come home, the study session having taken far longer owing to nobody wanting to stop making progress. Shinji worked on dinner, with the help of Yang, and allowed everyone else to get to know Minami out of hearing in the front room, "It wasn't a hard choice to make…and that's what hurts me. When I realized that what I was feeling was his anger, his…impotent fury at the way I approached life, I had to fix the problem. He might be dead. He might be on a much higher plane of existence that we can't conceive of. He might be a part of me fully now. What he's not, though, is in my soul anymore."

"You seem lighter," she looked sideways at him. "After Kodama's hug, I thought it was just that you'd needed some affirmation. Killing someone in your soul didn't really occur to me."

"I'm full of surprises." Slipping behind her to add what he'd been chopping to her mixture, he pressed himself against her, "You never know what I'm going to do." After willing his hands clean, he smoothed them along her front, "I might 'accidentally' grope my favorite chef."

"…Shinji," her breath caught as his hands reversed course to repeat the gesture, "I'm going to push you onto the floor and delay dinner if you don't stop." The sudden absence of his heat, his hands, his touch, left her far colder than she'd thought it would. Shivering with need, she turned to frown at him, "I didn't _mean_ stop, you!"

With a serious expression, he sat down on the stool, "I remembered, while I was in that hug with Kodama, that all of you love me. My question to you is this, what is your thought on me engaging in intimacy with the ladies of the house, at random, whenever I can? A second in my soul can be a _very_ long time. I could, right now," he paused for one heartbeat, "have slept with Kyoko several hundred times. Is that abusive, in front of everyone else? If someone needs a 'pick me up', even if that someone is me, would that be good, or bad?"

Faced with an honest question, and one that he was wanting her specific input on, she pushed away the lust he'd encouraged for later, "I'm assuming you're worried about the diplomatic fallout, just as much as the interpersonal. I doubt many people would know that you'd done anything, honestly. We would, but all of us might just start coming up and asking for 'a second of your time' more often if we know that it's something you'll do for us. There's nearly twenty of us around anymore, and that's less than a third of one minute out of sixty minutes in one hour out of twenty four hours in a day, if each of us gets 'one second'. If you _can_ step aside with that person. If you can't? Just make sure neither of us looks like people who did that. Act like its normal, and the only people that will know won't care, and the people that don't know will assume you're putting on a 'happy face'. Those of us in this Manor have a responsibility to both you, and each other, to not act jealous because our 'one second' came later than someone else's. Go on dates with us, as you were, and we'll all get along fine." She grinned mischievously, "If you tie it to something as a reward, you could even help us stop doing things we wished we could stop doing. Like my biting my nails."

"I see…." Her arguments made sense, in that people being unaware of the time dilation meant that there was no difference in their perception of the events of their life. Though, he didn't know that he approved of withholding affection to give as some form of reward for positive behaviors, preferring instead to just encourage positive behaviors openly and honestly. "Well…do you have a second?" His lap was occupied and his waist had legs locked around them before he could finish the sentence. "Eager, aren't we?"

+++++ 15th Angel + 7: Thursday, December 1st (126)

During the course of the movie, Shinji managed to 'take a second' with each of the women of the Manor, save for Rei and Fuuka. He'd learned of Maya's unfortunate interaction with Asuka, Ritsuko's frustrations at not understanding what a Mage did, Misato's need for more frequent affection, Suzuka's concerns regarding her Role, the root of Akane's problems with certain acts he willingly gave to others, Mikoto's desperation to prove that she loved him, Nicki's joy at how much progress he'd made with performing on his own, Kelly's purported disasters with keeping the Catholic Church from learning about the Aspects, spent more time with Kodama, encouraged Tsuru to move on from the mistake that might not even have been one, spoke with Kyoko for a few seconds before spending the rest of their time together frantically comforting one another, and then spent his time with Hikari lingering over her in veneration.

It was universally agreed after the movie, by those who hadn't experienced that style of watching one, that it was somehow better if they closed their eyes and let the movie be 'read' to them after a fashion. Rei felt encouraged that she would be able to participate, and Minami was lauded for her part in encouraging the experience. The hour had grown late, and people began making their way to their beds as work wouldn't wait for the weary the next day.

Suzuka, overhearing where Minami now lived, pulled her and Shinji aside, "That is no place for a young woman to live, dear heart. He rents out those areas to those…seeking to avoid lasting commitments. The part of town may be less filled with potential physical peril but when those safeguards fail, they fail dramatically. I would not house our children there, and therefore would not house a friend of the family there."

"It's what my dad could afford," Minami shrugged, uncomfortable with the topic of finances. "He's not really rich, I got most of my clothes as either gifts from overeager guys in class, or by saving up what little allowance I got."

"Allow me to find better accommodations," she insisted. "So long as you remain in good standing with our family, I shall ensure that you receive safe harbor. As his wife," she indicated Shinji, "I can do no less."

Placing his hand on her belly, he raised his eyebrows, "Don't push yourself tonight. If she has to stay here for a few days, it's not going to kill anyone. I'll inform CQ that we're plus one, settle her in the guest room. You contact Yumi-chan and ask her to have her belongings packed and either taken to her new place, or here if there's nothing available right now. I'll contact Suzuki and inform him of the reasoning, so that you don't have to."

"Wisdom," she kissed his cheek. "Whatever caused your peace tonight, Little Bear, I encourage it to continue."

 _Later. Not in front of her._ "Yumi-chan is trustworthy, Minami. She'll make sure nobody paws through your things. Honestly, I might ask that she speaks to you herself. She turned her life around with some help, once. She's bound to have some good lessons to impart."

 _Perhaps less the part about sleeping with a married man, and becoming pregnant by him,_ Suzuka eyed him askance. "I must be about it, if I'm to make any progress. Sleep well, Kajima-chan. The women of the house seem to approve of you, one and all." Moving off, her steps still fluid and elegant despite her increasingly gravid belly, she was poise and violence perfectly swirled together.

Whispering, once more, Minami asked cautiously, "Senpai…is she pregnant?"

"Twins," he nodded, his tone conversational, gesturing towards the hallway with the bedrooms. "Girls, we're fairly certain. I never proclaimed to be a good role model, Minami. I'm a flawed being, trying his best to do what he can under flawed circumstances. There is much about my life that not many people know. I've brought you closer to try and help you redirect the course of your life to where you want to go, as I said earlier. If, somehow, where you want to go is aligned with where we're going? That's going to change how much you'll learn of us." Reaching the first of the dwindling stock of guest rooms, he smiled apologetically, "I'm afraid there's secrets upon secrets with us, as far as outsiders are concerned. I keep many to keep you safe, and I keep others to keep the people who know them safe." Urging the door open with Bardiel's touch, he gestured inside, "If you do not mind, I'll show you where everything is. I'll make some clothing for you to sleep in, of whatever cut or fashion you prefer, and a fresh uniform for tomorrow. Tonight succeeded beyond even my hopes, and I don't want you suffering for our cautious nature."

"Please!" She was entering a bedroom with the man that every woman in school dreamed of doing so with, even the teachers. He was _willingly_ taking care of her! Calming herself, realizing how she'd sounded, she blushed, "S-sorry."

"No worries," he waved off the concern. "I'm nervous when dealing with new situations myself. The bedroom is fairly self-explanatory. There's a spare blanket for the bed, I hope you don't mind a Western style frame, in the closet. Extra pillows too if you need. The lamp for the desk is turned on by a switch on the table itself, right there," he tapped the button twice to turn it on and off, "in case you think of something you need to write down. The window has cameras recording outside of the room, just so you're aware, but nothing inside of the room is recorded. And…." He drew out the word, slapping himself on the forehead, "I forgot to turn on the main lights. I'm sorry, it's not dark to me." Willing them to illuminate with a gesture, he sighed, "Right by the door, and another switch attached to the bedframe so you don't have to stumble around in the dark. They're on a dimmer, so you can turn them on a little if you need."

"This is…kinda like a really expensive hotel," she began to fret at touching anything.

With a chuckle, he shook his head, "It just cost me my soul, nothing worth mentioning really." Walking over to the bathroom, he continued the tour, "In here is a full bath. Obviously not the products you're used to, but Hikari did a good job of making sure that there would be enough of whatever any guest we have would need. We dispose of anything that would be unhygienic to keep after someone stays, unless they're staying for a while, so don't worry about germs. Again, feel free to use anything, ok? If you prefer an evening bath, all it costs is your time because there's enough hot water for half the city here. Breakfast will be an hour before we leave for school, and I'll make sure you have a lunch for tomorrow. If Suzi can't find you a place to stay that she feels is appropriate before the end of the day tomorrow, then we'll regroup and make a plan with everyone." Biting the side of his tongue, he finally turned to look at her directly, "There's still a chance to walk away. I could do something mean at school, make it so that it's my fault so nobody would tease you. The world will leave you alone, probably. If you want to even be my friend…this is what you're looking at."

She gestured to the other door, not willing to answer that she wanted to move in _right now_ to avoid sounding insane, "Where…does that lead?"

He considered the portal briefly before looking back to her, "The pool. It's covered, with a vaulted, clear, ceiling so you can see the sky or get some sun without going outside. Nobody will come through that door, and nobody from outside the house can get to that pool without going through one of these rooms. If you want to take a swim, I just ask that you let me know."

"You have a pool?! You'd…go swimming with me?" The possibilities there grew slightly more exciting.

"I wouldn't recommend it on a school night, but I would be glad to go swimming with you sometime. If you want to, if you're feeling restless, I'd just make sure you were safe. If you drowned, I'd never forgive myself." Calmly clasping his hands together, he tilted his head, "Did I miss anything? Are you going to feel comfortable in here?"

"Where," she held up her hands before her chest, "not that I'm going to go wandering or anything crazy like that, I'm not a stalker, I just wanted to know-"

Placidly motioning for calm, he pointed out to the main room, "I'll be playing some music for a while. Then writing some letters. Probably watching the fish for a bit, and talking to Pen-Pen. I don't sleep. At all. If I do, it's because I'm with one of the women in the house and am trying to make them comfortable. If you need anything, I'll be there. If I'm not, the first door is where Hikari and Maya are. I'm positive they'll be happy to help." Bowing politely, he moved to walk off before pausing, "Friends…hug one another, right?" Turning with a slight frown, he kept his hands in his pockets, "I mean…normally, like it's expected that they do if they're close enough?"

"I'd really like a good night hug, if that's what you're asking," she couldn't believe her luck.

Moving over cautiously and dropping to one knee to equalize the height, he offered his arms for an embrace, "I'm learning. I'm not the man you think I am, but I'm trying to become him. I'm sorry that I'm being awkward, and hope that you understand that I'm just trying to do what…what a good man should do."

Stepping into the arms of the man that she'd spent more than one evening fantasizing over, Minami Kajima wrapped her own arms around his neck and held him close, "I'm sorry that I thought you were a dork, and that you were plain. I was shallow, petty, and attacked others before they could find out about 'back home' and tease me for being a 'tuna girl'. I don't know what I can do to help you feel less awkward, but I promise I'll do whatever I can to be the best friend I can…if that's all we ever are." _Please, be offering more than that. I'll do anything to not be a failure like my parents._

The trailing thought came through clean and clear, informing his reply of, "In exchange, I'll remind you every day that you have more worth than just a pretty face and a pleasing body. You're better than you think you are…and I get the feeling that you're going to remind me that I'm better than I think I am too." Pressing her back gently, he gave her a lopsided grin, "Thank you for apologizing to me, Minami. And please…keep reaching for those stars."

+++++ 15th Angel + 8: Friday, December 2nd (127)

Once more playing his piano, Shinji's mood was far lighter as he watched miniature versions of the Israfel Twins and Shamshel dance along the top to his song. Sahaquiel rocked side to side in time, having firmly declined to be a part of the dance. Ireul and Kyoko laid heavily against his sides, basking in his love. Bardiel, amusing herself, set strands of her being to vibrating in time with the song to bound the entire area. Arael, calm and content, swayed through a simple box step.

Somehow, and he didn't know how or why, it appeared that the remaining more masculine Aspects had found other places to be for the moment. The irregularity that was Shamshel aside, as he knew that the Aspect of Day was poorly served by attempting to describe themselves with something so discrete, it was a ladies night with the man they served. There was no melancholy, no fugue, no sorrow. There was joy, and laughter, and happiness.

As one song ended, he reached up and lightly ran a finger along Shamshel's back, "Thank you for projecting our shared Grace, my friend. It's reached the point where even I can feel it. Hopefully it means the world is making better choices."

Ireul's thought reached into his mind, _They need to speak with you, my love. I am not unskilled on this instrument, and can entertain the others for a moment while you take them into your being. A few seconds out here is not so long for a slight break._

Kyoko added her approval, _All of us need your time. I've spoken with them long enough to begin to understand what Shamshel-kun is asking for, and it would help not only them but you to take that time. A more regular 'maintenance' schedule, much like you managed tonight with your human wives, would not be poorly received._

 _You're right._ Nodding, he slid out from the bench seat and held out his hand, "Shamshel? Could we speak for a few minutes over by the couch?"

Startled by the sudden request, but eager to accede, the Aspect pulsed brightly, _Yes._ Floating onto his palm, they allowed themselves to be carried over to the sofa and settled on his knee. With their tentacles floating in an invisible breeze, their robes billowing with the same, they looked around, _Pleasant._

 _If you're all right, we can take this conversation into my soul. I want to make sure you have a chance to speak your mind, but I don't want to make you uncomfortable._ Smiling down with amusement at the tiny being, he shook his head, _I'm worried about taking you into my soul…when that's where you live. I am a confused, odd, man._

 _No. Good/Kind._ Floating up off his knee, and placing one limb on his forehead, Shamshel took their destination into their own proverbial hands.

Landing gracefully once more in the silence of his soul, with more control over his motions, Shinji was pleased to see that his conversational partner was of a size with him, "It's honestly impressive how all of you control how big or small you are. I need to practice doing that myself." Creating a seat for himself, and one that would accommodate the Aspect before him, he spread his hands, "I'm very sorry that I haven't made more of an effort to spend time with you, I'll try to correct that behavior. What can I do to help?"

 _Talk/Communicate. Difficult/Imprecise._ Shamshel gamely took their own seat, _Confusion/Anxiety._

"You're not wrong, if I understand you correctly. I'm sure that's frustrating, for you especially." Leaning forward and propping his elbows on his knees, he added, "Is there a way to help that? I…I could ask Israfel to try, but I'm sure you already would have done that."

 _Allow/Permit. Touch. Change/Modify._ He recognized clearly the signs of serious fear as the former Angel continued, _Not. Mind/Soul. Hear/Listen._

Motioning with one hand, he waved off the concern, "I don't doubt you wouldn't harm my mind or soul. Especially since you're in my soul right now telling me you wouldn't!" Rolling his hand, he urged them to continue, "How would my hearing change? I'd hear…what, more of what you're saying?"

Fretting with their tentacles, Shamshel remained cautious, _No. Understand/Comprehend._

"Oh…oh! Like when I suddenly understood foreign languages?"

 _Yes!_ Pulsing with joy, they punctuated the statement by pointing directly at Shinji's head, _Hear/Listen. Understand/Comprehend._

Sitting more upright and spreading his hands to demonstrate acceptance, he urged them on, "Ok. I trust you, Shamshel, so if you think you can help me understand you better, let's go for it." There were numerous reasons for him to be so eager, in his mind. The first and foremost, however, was that he desperately wanted to continue on a more positive track with everyone after what he'd had to do. He didn't hate Adam. He understood the entity far better than people would likely believe, and the frustration both of them felt at not being able to make things 'right' in their opinion was…. If he could 'make this right' with Shamshel, it was a validation of his choice. Was it petty? Yes. But a petty victory can snowball into a much larger victory, or so he hoped.

 _Touch. Change/Modify._ Carefully setting both ends of their tentacles against Shinji's temples, Shamshel's face furrowed in concentration, _No. Move/Act._

Sitting perfectly still, Shinji allowed the music radiating from Shamshel to wash over him. He could feel the microscopic alterations being made, and while they tickled to a degree that demanded he fight against laughing he focused on remaining still. Slowly, over what felt like minutes, subtle nuances grew in the song. It was no longer simply 'joy' and 'perseverance', but the pursuit and attainment of improvement. The potential becoming actual. Goals met, progress realized. He learned, listening with new ears, that what he'd thought was a generic message was, in fact, tailored specifically to him. He heard what would motivate him to stand up from a fatal blow. To struggle forward one more step in the face of death itself. To not allow others to suffer, that if he could accept one more arrow they would live free of pain.

More time passed, and with time passing came understanding. The entity touching him wasn't 'agender' in the sense that a sociologist or biologist would express it. Shamshel existed outside of that biological paradigm, outside of that social preconception, outside of the need for descriptors or pronouns. Shamshel was both feminine and masculine, but in such a way as to be both and neither at the same time. Shamshel, much like Shinji himself, _was_. As one facet was needed, desired, or sought after, it grew into existence. Yet, through that fog of confusion, came what they wished for the most.

"Oh." Closing his eyes as comprehension dawned, he smiled sadly, "Of course." Reaching up, Shinji set his hand upon the central point on Shamshel's torso. The alteration being requested was so simple as to be inconsequential, and yet so meaningful as to defy description. The physical contact, while unnecessary, provided the human touch that he demanded for something so intimate. A pulse of will that was undeniable, and his conception of the Aspect of Day provided what had been yearned after. "I'm sorry. I honestly wouldn't have known, had you not told me. I know that all of you appear as you do by choice, but I kind of forgot that some of that choice comes from me. 'Aspect'…is kind of appropriate."

"We not needing apology," a golden voice was accompanied by a pair of arms and a deep embrace. "We not expect human understand, owning limitation." Swinging their legs so that they could sit side-saddle, Shamshel dropped out of the hug enough to encourage him to look upon them, "The Healer carries burden pain. Grateful help, eager relief."

A being of such crushing beauty as to still his heart, he felt the reverberation of his love for them returned and amplified with each moment they spent in contact. Long, flowing, royal burgundy hair with skin of pure purple, Shinji could not stop tears from forming in his eyes as he heard the one thing he'd never expected to from any living being. He was being forgiven for not being perfect. A shuddering breath, and he was able to choke out, "I…I love you…."

Pale lavender eyes glowed with giddiness, "We-" The next word that exited their mouth was incomprehensible as a solitary sound. It spoke of pure love, of need, of desire, of affection, of lust. It promised that nothing would ever be withheld, nor anything ever required, to maintain that level of commitment. It caressed him and showered him with bliss. It was a word of singular perfection, and it broke his heart to hear.

He needed no further encouragement to lay his head on her chest and weep like a broken toddler. There were no hidden agendas, no possible doubts, no tricks or deceit. Here, he was safe. Here, in the arms of pure _good_ , he could be weak.

+++++ 15th Angel + 8: Friday, December 2nd (127)

Having returned to the real world, weeks later and seconds after leaving it, Shinji shifted the focus of joy from his own heart to those Aspects and the single spirit sitting around the piano. Accompanied by the glowing purple goddess, he pulled all seven into a tight embrace, trying to share the perfection of love that he'd just experienced. He knew his tongue wasn't yet capable of uttering the word, not without mangling it beyond recognition, but that could not prevent him from trying to gift its wonder to their ears. Shamshel couldn't speak it to those present, as their love wasn't at that state for any but him, but they too joined the impromptu 'cuddle puddle' and gleefully gave what love they did have to give.

He couldn't yet share this himself with those Lilin in the home they shared, as it was far too powerful without Shamshel's intermediation, yet he wanted to so very badly. _One day,_ he promised himself, _one day._

+++++ Author's Notes:

Blackplant: RE: The Scions.

First contact between two contrasting ideologies generally doesn't end well in fiction.

Ghost Man: RE: ?

Stay out of my notes! You're going to spoiler yourself.

origamishishou: RE: ?

You too! No reading my notes.

TheHiddenLettuce: RE: Fuuka x Rei.

One can see, but lacks vision. The other has vision, but can't see. Both are caught in a situation not of their own choosing, but one they'd never choose other than to exist within. It's quite the pair.


	145. Chapter 145

+++++ 15th Angel + 8: Friday, December 2nd (127)

 _Rei?_ He could hear that she was awake, her song giving away that she was contemplating something, _Is it ok if I come in?_

 _Please do,_ there was both a hint of pleasure and surprise in her response.

Shinji's intent, as Shamshel's gift to him lingered in his blood, was to both apologize to and properly greet someone he'd simply not had a reasonable chance to spend time with where he wasn't tied into a double shot of anger and frustrations. What he walked into, however, reminded him of several things simultaneously that stalled his plans in a highly effective manner. First, something he'd forgotten, was that Rei Ayanami slept nude. Her lack of vision had not changed that fact, as one need not see to be able to remove clothing. Tying into that first point, was that a nude Rei Ayanami was a visual feast that gave him a gift that was most unexpected. Lastly, that as badly as he wished to deny it the urge to climb into her bed and simply spend the day there with her was nigh overwhelming.

"That would violate the agreement, to my knowledge," the bluenette's tone held regret, his thoughts never 'private' around the shard of Lilith. "According to Suzuka-san, it might also bombard Fuuka-san with an emotional storm that you are unlikely to be interested in producing. I do appreciate that you find my form pleasing, as that will make our eventual partnering-"

 _Kissing carefully, however, hasn't yet seemed to cause that particular problem,_ he cut her off by demonstrating his point enthusiastically. Working her slowly into the art, he gently caressed her body, _I was devastated when I saw you'd died. I was overjoyed when I saw you'd been returned to us. I have, however, not been having the best months of my life recently._ Rolling his forehead against hers to break the kiss, he wished she could see his smile, "But they're better…with you here."

"Please take time to do that more often," she declared firmly. "It has increased my frustration, though I believe that the memory of you eagerly touching me will serve as a mollifying factor…so long as you repeat it frequently."

"I came in here to apologize, and to make certain to greet you properly," one last kiss, and he helped her back into a seated position. "I'll try to remember to do this every morning from now on, but I do have other ladies to attend to. If I leave you with Bardiel until Fuuka is awake, will you be all right? She's wanted to spend more time with you, she has her own apologies to offer."

"I foresee no difficulties with your plan," her lip quirked in a victorious smile.

+++++ 15th Angel + 8: Friday, December 2nd (127)

After a quick stop in each of the other rooms containing women that were tied to his soul, he knocked on Fuuka's door before sliding it open enough to call in, "Good morning, my lady. Would it be permissible to enter?"

"Oh my, please do." The unaware echo of Rei's statement eased his heart as he entered and she added, "Good morning to you as well, Your Grace."

In too good a mood to allow the slip to bother him, he teasingly chided, "Uh, uh, uh. I'm still trying to learn how best to address you. So many of the women in my life have either a nickname or a way that my mind feels right in speaking to them. You, however, have not been given enough time around me to figure out yours. 'My lady' was not in honor of your station," he knelt by her bed to take her hands in his, "it was in regard to how I wish to honor you."

"I…am content with however you choose to speak to me," confusion and hope tangled in her eyes.

"Carefully, and with appropriate recognition of how you have been victimized your entire life," bringing her left hand to his lips, he kissed her knuckles gently. "But with equal recognition of the fact that we are now tied for all time. I would only victimize you further to treat you as a stranger, and that was foolish and selfish of me to do so," he repeated the gesture with her right hand. "Please, forgive a young fool his trespasses. I am blessed beyond reason to have someone so kind and giving as to volunteer enthusiastically to assist a blind woman she'd only just met."

The flush of heady lust that washed through her song was out of place, but never once reached her voice as she responded, "I forgive you eagerly, and with all of my heart. It is my good fortune to spend my day with Rei-sama, her insights and company are most welcome after…after a lifetime of lesser companionship."

"Of anything I am grateful for, I am most grateful for the fact that none of you ever have to be alone anymore." Standing, and drawing her from the bed to stand before him, he kept up his push for balance, "Breakfast is ready, once you are. I will leave you now to get ready without me over-appreciating your beauty."

Her smile was luminous, and carried a clear pronouncement of victory, "I am grateful that Shinji-sama is both generous and kind."

+++++ 15th Angel + 8: Friday, December 2nd (127)

Hikari Ikari was grateful for many things herself. Her husband was forgiving, and worthy of forgiveness. Her wife was kind, patient, and flexible in ways that just made her want to drop out of school and live in bed. Her family, still growing, was fighting for each other despite recent setbacks. The one thing that she was, in a less secret manner than she hoped, truly grateful for was the fact that she frequently got to see a wide variety of beautiful women in little clothing solely because she was lucky enough to be born female. When Shinji had asked her to wake Minami, his own morality not on board with doing so himself for the risk that he might see her in the state Hikari could without causing _severe_ distress, most of those pieces of gratitude informed her decision to spend a few seconds ensuring his throat was still well enough with her tongue.

As she was now perched in the guest room, upon the desk chair, watching as Minami Kajima changed into the perfectly fitted uniform Shinji had provided through Bardiel, the Class Rep stayed silent so the woman could speak in her place, "Minami-chan…I am actually very sorry that you and I did not do better with one another, before my husband insisted that we not judge you based on what little we knew of each other. I could have made myself more available as your Class Representative, if nothing else. I hope that we can at least start to be better friends, now."

"Totally forgiven," the young lady laughed. "To be honest, I should've tried harder from the start. It just…I don't know," pausing in the act of setting her socks just so, she looked for the right words. "It seemed hopeless? Everyone judging me by how I looked, assuming I'd just fuck my way to success or latch on to the first wallet that'd open as far as my legs did? None of the teachers wanted to help me understand the lessons, none of the girls were either able to help or willing to help, and all of the boys wanted the same thing. By the time I met you…I kind of prejudged you like I did everyone else." Looking at herself in the mirror to make certain everything was perfect, she sighed, "I played myself, Class Rep. I need to fix what I broke," she smiled hopefully at the freckle-faced beauty, "I could really use some help."

Standing calmly, The Princess approached a woman she'd failed and pulled her into a friendly embrace, "Our family will be glad to help someone willing to work on improving themselves like you're trying to. Now, let's go keep my husband's mood improving. He was actually smiling this morning, and part of that might be because of the joy he gets in helping people."

+++++ 15th Angel + 8: Friday, December 2nd (127)

Maya, much like her wife, had been thrilled at the happiness radiating from Shinji. He was everywhere that morning, touching each of the ladies in the manner most appropriate for his relationship with them, offering small encouragements or an interested ear. The mental health professional in her, however, took the necessary steps to verify and validate that this wasn't something sinister. With what she'd gained by asking Gaghiel, who had been nervously hovering about her since he'd discovered Asuka had attempted to assault her, and then speaking to Kodama, she was able to share the news in Misato's office, "He made the decision, on his own. From what we know, based on the Aspects' observations, Adam did not become 'one of them'. This morning's explosion of love was actually tied to Shamshel, and the modifications that he and they agreed to. It appears my husband didn't want to discuss any of it because Kajima-chan was present, which I think we can all agree is a reasonable precaution and not at all hypocritical. That kind of a conversation, even over our mental channel, would have taken far too long to be dismissed by a guest. I asked him over texts, in a roundabout way, and he asked if I'd let everyone know."

Ritsuko toyed with Sandalphon's long fins, frowning thoughtfully, "If it was dangerous, I have to assume that Arael at least would have intervened. That she didn't, and stopped Kyoko from intervening, means that from whatever observational data was available the decision was well-founded. That Adam was in a special category was something _we_ should have remembered. The increasing bouts of anger, at least, I just dismissed as a young man having frustrations shoved under his nose every time he turned around. It's enough to trip anyone's switch."

"Are we certain he's gone?" Misato looked to Sachiel, who was standing in a corner of the room toying with her gun oil, "You can't feel him or anything?" Every other Lilin in the room waited expectantly for anything more than what happened, which was the Ancient Colossus looking over at the woman he was increasingly around for a second, then back to his new toy. "Huh. Fair enough."

"I…didn't hear anything," Maya looked over to her former supervisor, "you?"

"Nothing," the former blonde shook her head.

 _Sachiel chooses to speak to those he chooses to speak to,_ Sandalphon filled in the blank.

Ritsuko's frown deepened, "That's tautological."

 _The truth sometimes is,_ the former Angel of Embryos shrugged. _He creates the chemical response that would grow in her mind should he actually speak, places it in her mind where it must go to be understood. They will work together far more effectively that way as he can place vast amounts of knowledge in a brief period of time. In combat, timeliness is essential._

"He's not wrong," the sub-commander looked to her apparent partner again. "So how did I end up with him as a partner?"

 _That explanation would not make sense to you, I am afraid._ Sandalphon looked up to his tormentor, _Each of us has been chosen to cooperate with one of you. The Mage and I shall work together to craft what is necessary; better, once she accepts her Role. My brother and you shall coordinate those forces needed to provide victory; again, better once you accept your Role._

Maya kept calmly petting Gaghiel, "So I'm…feeding everyone fish?"

 _I'm not your partner, Advisor, I am sorry._ The Aspect of Fish gently patted her knee with a fin, _I am unpaired, so far. Though, I politely hope that we remain friends._

"Then," she looked around the office, "who am I paired with?"

+++++ 15th Angel + 8: Friday, December 2nd (127)

"I did tell you that we needed to stop sniping at one another," Eve replied calmly. "I am not going to risk another eternity of loneliness because I wanted to hide things from you. We both saw how secrets end in our merry little band of misfits, and I will not be responsible for keeping any that might trigger a similar response."

Lilith, standing with her arms crossed, tapped her foot impatiently, "I fail to see how you needed to share your son's descent into gibbering insanity." Gesturing with a single twitch of her finger towards the madly cackling Angel of Free Will, she raised her eyebrow, "That doesn't help me find these stupid fragments, and it is _truly_ grating after about one sixth of a microsecond."

With a sigh, the Mother of Angels gestured and used pain to silence the laughter, "Is screaming better, my dearest frenemy? Or would you rather actually listen to me instead of acting grumpy because the man we both love is one who keeps his word?"

"You need to not call me whatever that was again," pale eyes flashed hot. "Get on with it."

Releasing her hold over Tabris and allowing him to continue on as he would, Eve shrugged, "Our former husband, yours and mine, has been killed permanently by our future husband."

"He…what?" A confused welter of emotions struck at once. Vindication held a large share, but it was regret that showed on her face, "…I see." The man she loved, the man she'd given up a piece of her soul for, had now gifted her with something she'd never thought possible. She knew that he hadn't done it for her, that he didn't even know why she'd wanted it done. "He killed himself. He looked himself in the eye, and made the choice."

Eve, unlike the closest thing she had to a peer, was all happiness for the event, "He's that much closer to being complete. That much further on the road to being someone that will take the reins of all of reality and bring these internecine wars to an end. We'll comfort him, after all is said and done. A little suffering now will save us ages of heartache later as he fought against Adam's single-minded pursuit of unity by division."

Lilith looked with pity on the woman who'd been created to replace her, "I doubt you'll ever understand where I'm coming from." Turning away, she went to do what she could, "Thank you for sharing this. I wouldn't have found out for some time otherwise."

+++++ 15th Angel + 8: Friday, December 2nd (127)

Having borrowed the auditorium for lunch, Shinji played through the piano piece that two of his household would accompany with their voices. The tempo, the form, everything was as it had been in another life. The only difference was, in this life it wasn't Minako Aino that would be earning adoration from the world. Instead, the piece would be performed as it had been meant to be, as he had written it originally. With Hikari taking Minako's role, and Tsuru the place of Usagi. The original never reached its full potential, owing to the spiritual center of the Sailor Senshi having a falling out with her servant over….

The end of the song was met with enthusiastic applause from his wife and fiancée, as well as the principal of the school who wanted to read over the sheet music as it was played before approving the venture on school grounds. The sounds of approbation distracted him from dwelling on a painful life of beauty, and drew him back to a beautiful life with pain in it, "Thank you, thank you." Standing and bowing politely, he floated down from the stage as if descending invisible stairs to approach the audience of three, "I hope that, thematically, it isn't upsetting to you, sir. The concept was mostly the product of a…whimsical thought I had after a misunderstanding about…cakes and the sharing of them."

"Love, Your Grace, is both complex and challenging to express," closing the folder that he'd been given with the sheets, the elderly educator smiled with understanding. "I feel that, as a high school, we ought to encourage the kind of thoughtful critique of one another, and of ourselves, that this song presents. I am, however, going to replace the piano before the performance. A well-loved instrument, no doubt, but your talent far outstrips its capacity."

He could either argue, and lose when the principal did it anyway, or help out and take control of the situation once again, "I will speak to a good friend of mine. She knows someone who specializes in musical instruments of all shapes and sizes, and I think I can encourage her to offer a small discount to the school." Pulling out his phone, he fired off a quick text to the proprietress of the Blue Crane, "Considering that I'll be using it to show the world how talented my family is, and how proud we are of our school, I'll be covering half of the cost myself."

"Your Grace," the principal cut himself off as Shinji raised a hand.

"I intend on making donations, from time to time, as an alumnus of this school. You and I might as well come to an understanding now," pocketing his phone, message sent, he grinned, "because I'm bigger than you and will win the wrestling contest. You may have won more competitions than the zero I've taken place in, but I'm in a different weight class and I bite."

Laughing with a defeated sigh, he raised his hands in surrender, "Please, do not imperil your, or your family's, future while doing so. That is all I will ask." Turning to the ladies present, he bowed again, "Please, I implore you both to closely monitor his charitable spirit. The wisdom a wife brings to any marriage is vital to the success of the husband's motivation."

"Considering my husband was wise enough to place the budget in my hands, I assure you we will be as giving as we can afford, sir. Thank you for approving this, he's been hoping to find some way to represent our school to the nation without being unfair to those athletes that lack his advantages." Hikari clapped her hands together, "We should stop wasting time, though. The sooner we start practicing, the sooner we can try and bring cheer to the world!"

A much less enthusiastic Tsuru could only muster a weak, "Yay…."

+++++ 15th Angel + 8: Friday, December 2nd (127)

"He's been all smiles all morning," Yang admitted without rancor. "I'm not saying that it was only because of you, so don't go getting a big head here, but I won't deny that your coming over and giving him a chance to help someone was a part of it. He can be very mercurial, at times, but he's never happier than when he's shoulder deep in a problem that will make someone else's life better once it's resolved."

Minami waved her hands before her frantically, "No! No, I wouldn't even think that I'm…. I'm not. I'm not better than any of you. You're his fiancées, or wives, or…consorts?"

The leggy waitress motioned for her lunchmate to quiet down, "Keep it down, ok? First rule of succeeding in our house is keeping things quiet. When he's low, he needs space. That means that we talk amongst ourselves, at a volume that makes it less obvious that we're doing it so he doesn't crumple in on himself. I know you tend to be loud, it's a habit you have, but if you want to succeed you have to adapt."

Opening her mouth to proclaim that she wasn't loud, and realizing that she was about to be loud in doing so, she instead worked her lips for a second before scowling, "Nobody paid attention to me. If I wanted to be noticed, I needed to do something that would get me noticed."

"A gyaru like you would naturally need a lot of attention," Yang shrugged. "I'm not saying don't be you. I'm saying that you have to find how _you_ fit into _we_. If you're willing to sacrifice, if you're willing to stop demanding everything be about you, I'm willing to help you fit in. It's my job, after all. I'm his Diplomat," unbeknownst to her, she began to glow with a brilliant jade green light, "which means that I'm the one that will help you understand the culture you're walking into. Besides," her grin was dazzling, "you're into fashion too. We have stuff in common, and that's enough of a place to start."

Looking around frantically, glad that nobody else was up on the roof where they were eating, Minami tried to keep from patting at her new friend like she was on fire, "You're…uhm, you're glowing. A lot. It's _really_ noticeable." Bunching her fingers in and fretting, she whispered hotly, "And _I'm_ loud?!"

+++++ 15th Angel + 8: Friday, December 2nd (127)

"I've let him know," Nicki waggled her phone. "It's bound to happen, that we have these little setbacks."

Mikoto glowered at the car where Akane was calmly defusing the emotional wreck that was Nozomi, "Unfair."

"I don't see corndogs or funnel cakes around here, so I don't know why you'd think things would be fair." The blonde kept her eyes towards where Sakura was still working through her session with the therapist, minus the other half of her team, "Right now, I'm just worried that our best bet might just be pulling them out for the rest of this year and homeschooling them. My mom did that for me, and Hikari was already setting things up before Misato convinced her not to."

Shinji's Assassin silently agreed with the foreigner's assessment. Events were piling up on them, and even her lover's turn towards happiness this morning hadn't prevented Nozomi from screaming at Sakura. Several months in a calm environment, surrounded by family and affirmation, could be better than trying to force 'normalcy' into a situation that was anything but normal.

+++++ 15th Angel + 8: Friday, December 2nd (127)

Kozo, continuing on in his attempts to help Shinji have some sort of backup in the fight against the final few Angels, and to keep his word that he would do everything he could to assist the other pilots, sat in his office going over the medical files on the one pilot that would potentially be able to fight if the next enemy parked themselves upon the GeoFront that hour. What he saw, however, was not nearly heartening, "It's not a psychotic dissociation?"

Maya and Temple, two women that were by nature inclined towards nurturing support rather than condemning someone suffering from maladies, had similar reactions of a slow nod and a look that spoke of pain at having little they could offer. It was the ranking, however, who spoke first, "My husband can't rely on her in a fight, right now. I would never authorize her going _near_ Unit-02, regardless of the potential benefits. Any fight she entered, she would be making far worse."

He needed more details, "Because she wouldn't be able to synchronize?"

"Because she would quite possibly attempt to kill everyone but him," Temple took over, sensing that the honest truth would be difficult for her colleague. "I have two choices, medically, right now. I can sedate her completely into a medically induced coma, IV hydration, feed her through a PEG, and force the medications she needs. Timeline before I would consider waking her up would be two, three weeks while she adjusts to the medications she needs to be on. I would voluntarily hand my own license to the board before I did that. Yes, she's not well in her own mind. Yes, it would be effective. Yes, it would be a breach of both ethics, her trust, and sane medical practices." Gesturing to the documentation they'd accumulated, she shrugged, "While I can state without qualification that she views every woman around Paladin as a threat to his life, I cannot state without more data that this is due to an altered mental status. She refuses interviews, male or female. The men she views as potential assailants, the ladies she views as threats to Paladin. She might very well just be aggressively antisocial, with the preliminary diagnosis without proper interviews of bipolar with exacerbating potential comorbidities of chronic insomnia, anorexia nervosa, narcissistic personality disorder, and perseveration. That last could be caused or misdiagnosed because of lingering PTSD, which would only be diagnosed, again, by actual interviews and not just observation. Whatever she may be suffering from, it's not communicable, and so I can't _legally_ engage further emergency care. Restrain to ensure she doesn't go on a murder spree? That's your decision and not a medical one. Continue to force to take medication? Not without a court order."

This was moving closer and closer to terrible territory, "And the second choice?"

"We ask the one man she _will_ listen to, to encourage her to take the damn medicine." Shrugging, she sat back in her chair, "We put him in a situation where he has to encourage her to do something that she views as an attempt to injure her, and watch what happens. If he can manage it, we'll start making progress. If he can't, we might just destroy the one thing that is keeping her from completely dissociating from reality and viewing _everything_ as against her."

"He'll do it," Maya cut off the expected question. "He shouldn't, but he will."

+++++ 15th Angel + 8: Friday, December 2nd (127)

"It's happening at school," Shinji shook his head slowly in the kitchen, trying his hardest to think of alternatives to what had been presented to him. "If Nozomi-chan is having these panic attacks at school, we have an obligation to both her and her fellow students to remove her from the situation before she becomes a distraction to everyone." Standing with the three women most familiar with the Horaki curse, asking everyone else to give them some time and space, he cautiously held out his hand, "But I'm not going to say 'I'm in charge' or anything like that. Yes, I'll do anything for her. No, I'm not the family member that needs to make this call."

Suzuka gently ran her knuckles against his abs, "None of us believe you to be seizing power you haven't been granted by us, dear heart. I am of a mind with you. She witnessed something terrible, the visions are worsening, and her behavior deteriorates. We owe it to her to place her in the best situation to recover. Here, at home, where I maintain watch over two who need assistance already. A homeschool program is not unmanageable, as I am versed well enough in what would be taught to an eight year old."

Hikari was angry, and it showed in how she glared out to the main room, "I had already set it up. Misato convinced me that she needed 'normalcy', like any of us can hope to have that in our lives." Turning down her glower, she looked to the elder of her sisters, "Koko?"

"I don't like it," the nurse replied softly. "She needs friends her own age. Experiences that can't be replaced. A life that's not… _this_ ," she waved amongst the four of them. "All four of us have memories of things we pray the kami will let us forget. The treatment Amy-san put together for Hiki and I works. Why don't we push ahead with that, and try school for a few more days. Without the visions attacking her, maybe she can start making progress with the therapist. I…I just don't want to pull the trigger too early and take her childhood away completely!"

Stepping between the other two women and pulling Kodama into a hug, Shinji tried to make certain that everyone understood this wasn't a 'sides' issue. It was a 'what is best for the young lady in our care' issue. His heart eased when both other ladies joined the embrace, "Let's talk to Amy. Ask her what's medically unwise about things, and see what _all_ of our options are. Maybe a week or three off of school, lasting through the end of Winter Break." Leaning back and moving his arms to encompass the three women, he smiled confidently, "Toshiro would expect nothing less of us, and _he_ is a man I would be proud to emulate."

"I apologize for interrupting," Lilith called from the doorway. "However my arrival seems to have caused some confusion out in the living room." Raising her eyebrow when everyone turned to look at her in confusion, she shrugged, "I used the front door. I live here. It's not my fault when you have a guest over that can't handle beautiful women. I needed to speak to Lover, would one of you mind handling whatever that was?"

"Minami," Hikari sighed. "I'll go handle it."

"I'll come with you," Kodama was sharp enough to gather that whatever was about to be spoken of likely wasn't intended for broader audiences yet. "Rei-chan's going to need some support as we explain why her mother looks like her, but nowhere near old enough to have had her."

As the siblings hurried out of the kitchen, Shinji helped Suzuka up onto the stool, "He was an impediment to calm, and good order. He himself recognized that change, for him, was impossible." With a gentle caress of her belly, he smiled before turning to face his partner, "His anger was pushing mine to new heights, and the constant reversion back to the mean meant that I couldn't make any progress in overcoming my flaws. My rage is enough to destroy everything, Lily, I couldn't in good conscience allow him to amplify that and deteriorate my control over the trigger further."

The Matron of Night's face remained thoughtful as she slowly replied, "He was _you_."

"He still is, in a way." Holding out one hand, he generated a glowing orb of pure light, "He's not there. He's gone-gone. But I've…I think I understand why people are so confused over what light is and is not. This, if I let it go, would erase everything on this side of the planet, before the rest was torn apart by tidal forces as the Earth's rotation spun it apart." Cautiously dismissing the orb, he clenched his hand, "If I used it properly, it could power the galaxy."

Suzuka understood, in a way, what was bothering Lilith. She had been there when Ireul did what was necessary, when another part of the man they loved had been dispersed into the whole. When 'Innocence' was sacrificed so that 'Hope' could grow beyond the gilded garden it had resided within. Adam, while separate, had still been an integral part of the whole, and had looked as Shinji once had, "He wept, in the arms of The Healer. He then was granted peace by Shamshel. We have watched over him, do not fear."

Shinji nodded, "I promise. I won't be a hypocrite. If Rei can reach out for help," he extended his hands to the woman who'd started him on his new life, "I will too."

Hesitating, both to control her jubilation at the confirmation that the man she despised more than anything in all of Creation was truly gone and to weigh his promise so that she could take confidence in him keeping it, she reached out with one hand to take one of his…and the other towards the mother of his children, "Thank you. Both of you."

"As a mother, I believe we see things through a similar lens anymore," Suzuka took her hand, and the remaining hand of her husband's. "We shall still have disagreements, but I would add my voice to his in thanking you for returning Rei-chan to our side. Her life may have changed, perhaps irrevocably, though change is not always a negative. Perhaps without her sight, she shall gain greater vision."

"Or, perhaps, we can find a way to cure her so she can see her nieces," Lily smirked. "Whatever it is that's blinding her, I don't want to leave it around if possible. It reflects poorly on me, after all."

"I agree, with both of you. We can't let her fall into despair because of what has happened, but we need to do everything we can to restore her sight." Squeezing their hands, he stepped away, "I'm going to start dinner. We still need to continue trying to repair what happened when I got stabbed, both between all of you, and for Nozomi-chan. Most of us don't need to eat, really, but I prefer eating together like a family…another thing Toshiro showed me can be wonderful."

The eternal swordswoman eased herself off the stool she was perched upon, "I shall go spend some time with the children. I do not doubt the kunoichi's report of the events at the school, but perhaps by giving her an ear that was not present Nozomi-chan may be able to dig out something hidden." Walking past, she lowered her voice to Lily's ears alone, "Our deal stands."

"Of course," Lilith murmured, aware of her meaning. There were more steps taken this night on the path to forgiveness, but that did not mean the journey itself was over. Now alone with the confounding creature she was responsible for bringing into existence, the man who'd granted her victory and murdered the one who'd hurt her deepest, the Night Mother had no idea of how to approach him. What was he, now, to her? Was he a peer? An equal? A love-

Moving from the stove to slamming her against the wall before she could react, Shinji had his lips hungrily parting her own. Kissing her, as he had each of his Lilin wives, he let his hands explore the bounty of perfect flesh hidden beneath the dress he'd gifted her in a moment of doubt. Rocking his body against her own, he let his desire for her crash against her in wave after wave of pure, unbridled, lust. After more than a minute of affection, he placed his cheek next to hers to purr into her ear, "I want you."

It was a buffet. A banquet intended to feed an entire civilization. It was more than he'd ever granted her, more than life had ever seen fit to gift to her, and it was all of his own free will. She hitched her legs up, forgoing subtlety to plant her feet against his hips and push him back. Landing cautiously, she held out a hand to stop him from approaching her again, "Too…too much." The raw power coursing through her was nearly painful, "How?" Despite not needing to breathe at all, she couldn't keep her lungs and heart under control, "Why?" When he disappeared, she failed to follow him before he was against her back, molding her body to his in the most delightful way possible, "Sh-Shinji…."

 _Because you have given our family the gift of yourself,_ his hands caressed her hungrily. _And because I promised you equality. I love, and desire, every woman tied to my soul as deeply as you now feel. I'm just letting myself express it for you, now. I was wrong, the night we talked to Rei. We need to rework the rules, to include those beings that can't be tied to my soul but are a piece of what we are. We won't abide part-time family, but we have to encourage participation in cases like yours. You've shown me you're all in, so my question to you is…want to visit my soul and see what the view's like from the top when_ I'm _all in?_

+++++ 15th Angel + 8: Friday, December 2nd (127)

Fuuka was, for a brief moment in time, absolutely positive that she would have been perfectly fine with the man that she hoped would one day claim her as a wife…claiming her in front of everyone. It could not have lasted more than an instant, there and gone, yet the aftereffect lingered on. This had the added bonus of making it challenging for her to focus on what it was that not only the ultimate Lady of the Manor was saying, but her future husband's guest.

"…not a problem in the slightest," Hikari motioned for calm. "Seriously, Minami-chan, strange things happening around here are normal, after a fashion. We all took some time getting used to them, and the longer we've lived here the more inured we have become to them. Once Shinji's done in the kitchen, we'll have a chat with him, and he'll tell you the same thing. We have guest rooms for a reason, and all we ask is that while you're our guest you help a bit with the upkeep. Try to get to stuff before Shinji, as hard as that is."

Yang laughed ruefully, "I swear, it's like the man refuses to let something sit for more than a second. I'm starting to think that we need to take more drastic measures, like always having one of us sit on his lap. He can't do it if he has to move us."

"Draw up a schedule," Akane shrugged. "I'm game for a round robin tournament of holding him down and letting someone else have a chance at doing chores. I love that he's attentive to our environment, kinda hate that it makes it hard to spend more than five minutes cuddled next to him. Never thought I'd say that about a boyfriend."

"Price seems to be the greatest issue, Kajima-chan," Suzuka continued looking through her texts. "While a discount is available as a friend of my husband, too many of these remain outside of what your father can afford. I promise, I will continue to look." Turning off her phone's display, she set it on the table and resumed polishing her sword, "If you do not mind, I would add perhaps reading a story to Yinghua-chan. She is…sensitive to change, and deals best when shown that such changes are not intended to discomfort her."

"Totally," Minami nodded eagerly. "I…uh, I have a book in the box over there that I've kept my whole life. It's what my momma used to read from when I was little. It's written in tenji, and I should really keep my practice up anyway." She opened her hands slightly, "Maybe I can even teach her?"

Nicki nodded from where she sat working on her sidearm, "Solid plan. Like it. She responds really well to learning new things, and if we keep her mentally engaged we stop her from dwelling on things."

Rei spoke into the pause, "What of Nozomi-chan?"

"She's…." Hikari looked off towards the bedrooms, "She's needing some time to decompress. Koko and I are going to work with Nicki and Suzuka to keep her on an even keel."

"I will likely need both of your help, Rei-chan, Fuuka-chan," Suzuka took the two women in gravely. "We shall be assisting her in education during the day, and we cannot allow her to lose discipline or focus. We shall endeavor to keep her mind occupied away from darker topics, while still accomplishing our own educational goals."

"Then she's lucky to have Ayanami-chan here," Kajima offered quickly. "The only reason she wasn't top of the class, I think, was that she got kinda bored. She'd stare out the window, watching the world. Every test, though, she was the first one done and always one hundred percent scores." When the other students looked at her curiously, she shrugged with a weak grin, "I sat just behind and beside her, remember? I could see all her papers."

The bluenette let her head dip forward slightly, "It was not boredom, it was confusion as to the precise nature of the question. I am, unfortunately, exceedingly literal in my view of the world around me. This is another reason I have appreciated Fuuka-chan's company these past days, as she struggles with the same dilemma but has developed a much different solution to the issue. I do agree, however, that my grades only suffered for that confusion. Tests, being standardized, were much easier to answer appropriately."

"And she said nothing to her Class Representative," Hikari sighed dramatically. "Rei-chan, what am I ever going to do with you?"

+++++ 15th Angel + 8: Friday, December 2nd (127)

It wasn't the thunder she'd expected, nor the delicate treatment she feared. She'd spent what felt like ages riding the maddening edge of release as he played her like the perfect instrument she was. Not once had he moved to take away the position she'd been denied first in life. The entire reason for her discontent, for every act of vengeance both petty and profound, was not even once discussed in the weekslong parade of delights both spiritual and carnal. What reached her heart most, however, was that the man gifting her everything was not acting servile. She was being taken as much as gifted, venerated as much as she was made to work for her pleasure. _He_ was keeping his word.

 _He_ was finding balance.

+++++ 15th Angel + 8: Friday, December 2nd (127)

It was a larger dinner than normal, the group surprised by how much food he'd prepared in a seemingly small amount of time. Sitting at the head of the table, looking around at those women who were central to his entire existence, Shinji simply smiled like a grateful father and stated plainly, "Every single one of you exists as perfect in my eyes. Your flaws, much as my own, are only challenges for us to overcome as a united force, and I am grateful that you have all helped me overcome so many of mine." Gesturing to the meal, he urged them onward, "Please, eat. Talk, share your day with one another. It's a good night…and I'm not as scared anymore." _Maya, I'll do it. You know I will. There's no reason for me not to try to get her to take the medication. Maybe we can work out some sort of bargain with her, without giving up too much. She needs encouragement, but we need to temper that with expectation._

His second wife, the woman who was intended to advise him, reached under the table and squeezed his leg, _Thank you, Pup. I should be worried about you hearing my thoughts, but honestly I have nothing to hide from you. Just try not to abuse it, hmm?_

 _I won't. The only reason I know what you were about to ask is because you're stressing about it in the front of your mind. Your song was screaming it._ Catching the tail end of a statement, he waved his hand, "No, no, it's meatless." Mindful of his guest, he encouraged her participation, "How was lunch today, Minami-chan? I didn't have a chance to ask you after the practice."

"Really great!" She smiled eagerly, "Kinda like this dinner. Do you always cook around here, senpai?"

"Whenever we aren't quick enough to start it before he does," Hikari laughed quietly. "He'll let us help, from time to time, if he's not in a mood."

"I'll let _some_ of you help," he corrected with a teasing smile to Misato.

"Hey! Hey, hey! My cooking will only improve if you _let me_ improve it, you." The sub-commander was far too pleased that Shinji was laughing and playing to take any offense at the truthful banter, "Honestly, Kajima-chan, you can't take his word on this. I survived on my own cooking for quite a long time, I even took care of Pen-Pen. He just doesn't like the _exotic flavors_ I bring to the table."

Ritsuko looked askance at her oldest friend, "Lemon curry over breakfast cereal is certainly 'exotic'."

Kodama frowned in confusion, "What on _Earth_ possessed you to put curry on breakfast cereal?"

"We were out of soy milk," the former blonde sighed. "The last of my curry was so she didn't have to eat dry cereal."

"That's a little gross, Misato-nee," Sakura eyed the older woman. "Dry cereal's not _that_ bad."

Whispering loud enough for the table to hear, the lavender-haired warrior agreed, "It was really gross. But hungry bellies don't care about complaining tongues." Winking, she grinned, "That's why we're lucky that Shinji's a great cook."

 _Rei, would you mind terribly if we took a bath together with Hikari later?_ He included his first wife in the request, _I'm sorry that plans keep changing, but you and Lily are a part of our home. Treating you like you aren't is both demeaning and pointless, in my opinion._

Hikari was automatically on board with the request, _Pretty please? I promise I won't push too hard if you're not interested. Really, even just watching will be-_

 _I am unfamiliar with the mechanics of such a pairing, though I am willing to learn._ The bluenette continued calmly eating her meal, _From what I understand of the principles, your zones of stimulation should mirror my own, and allow me to utilize what would pleasure me to encourage pleasure in you._ Her head tilted in thought, _Although, should we not include Lieutenant Colonel Ikari as well? It would seem appropriate to include both of your primary mates with the new addition._

Shinji, with as good as his mood was, couldn't hide the look of surprise that crossed his face, _Well…Kitten?_

Having missed the initial conversation, Maya perked up, _Hmm?_

 _Hikari, Rei, and I were planning on taking some time together in the bath later. As a little trip into my soul, probably including Lily. Care to trip along?_ He hadn't wanted to offer, mostly because of the day his wife had gone through. _If today's been too rough, I'm sure we can-_

 _I'm going to pinch your tongue with my chopsticks if you finish that sentence,_ she jabbed his hand. _You owe me a trip to the 'special store', but this will be a good down payment on the interest that's accruing._

 _Ok, ok!_ Spreading his fingers out, he chuckled, _I need to spend a few seconds with Tsuru, though. She opened my eyes to the idiocy I was engaging in, by pushing forward with Lily. I want to apologize to her…the way that I have been of late._

+++++ 15th Angel + 8: Friday, December 2nd (127)

After dinner, while Minami helped Sakura with the dishes, Shinji took Tsuru into her room and sat her down to talk. Reassuring her that things were all right, and would be all right so long as she kept her head about her, they'd spent longer afterwards engaging in passionate romance. It began to feel to him that the longer he engaged in these acts with the women tied to his soul, the greater his power became.

"It's the degree to which we were right or wrong," Shinji held the farmgirl close, having spent most of four seconds, in the real world, in his soul with her. "You didn't sleep with someone _clearly_ outside of our 'Family', and you didn't do it thinking it would hurt me or intending to cheat on me. Every action we take has consequences, but that word has been taken to mean that those consequences are always 'bad'. You sleeping with Lily, instead of just kissing her, had the consequence of Lily listening to herself when she spoke about sacrifice. She'd intended it as a lesson for you, and ended up teaching herself."

Tsuru pouted cutely, "Yang was really vehement about her position. I was terrified that you were going to be disappointed, or angry." She looked up at him with resignation, "You're still going to make me sing, aren't you?"

"I am. But that's because you and I need to be better." With his eyes closed, he enjoyed the contours of her jaw with his fingertips, "You have a beautiful voice, Tsuru. I noticed when you sang with Hikari and Kodama back in Ogawa. You are supposed to be my Priestess, and any church I'm forced to have _has_ to be filled with uplifting music. If Creation wants me to be venerated, then I'm damn well going to earn it, and I'm going to make certain that people enjoy themselves while doing it."

Idly toying with his growing protrusion, she sighed in irritation, "If I _have_ to." Twisting her fingers, confidence having been gained by his willingness to let her learn, her mood picked back up as he did, "Maybe…you could make me feel a little better about it?"

+++++ 15th Angel + 8: Friday, December 2nd (127)

"You are doing a great job, Yinghua-chan," the 'guest' of the household was determined to get on the good side of one of the two people who were obviously focal points of Shinji's life. The way she figured it, if _they_ liked her, Shinji would have a lot less resistance to just moving her in. "Kinda wish I had a younger sibling growing up, because doing all the dishes by myself was a real pain in the butt. Another smaller set of hands to get in the cups? Really handy."

Sakura giggled, "That was a bad pun." Setting down the cup she'd been drying, she looked around to make certain they were alone before whispering, "Can I…uhm, can I ask you something?"

Hope and anxiety decided to tag team her brain at the question, "Sure can. Senpai asked me to help out around here, and so I'm willing to help out however I can. That includes answering random questions."

"Are we…uhm, you know…the people who live here…do we seem…." Trailing off, she couldn't quite bring herself to put voice to something that had grown in her own mind, after living with the situation for as long as she had.

"Strange?" Shrugging, she nodded easily, "Yeah. But, if I'm honest, it's not a _bad_ strange. It's a little scary, sometimes, sure. I mean, the lady who walked in tonight that looks like an older hot…er, more mature Ayanami-chan? She kind of exudes 'don't mess with me'. Watching Nicolette-san clean her gun, and Suzuka-san polish her sword? Not really common household things where I'm from. But this house is where a man who can _fly_ lives. I'd probably be really scared, if I didn't watch senpai struggle to be the nicest guy ever the past several months. He could hurt people, badly. He doesn't. He could demand everyone worship him. He doesn't. He could mistreat the really awesome ladies that live here," tapping Sakura's nose she grinned, "like you. But he doesn't. It's strange…but it's also kinda comfortable. Everyone helping out around the house, lifting each other's spirits, not fighting over things…. It's a lot better than where I came from, at least."

The second youngest person in the house nodded, "It's _really_ better than where I came from."

Minami inwardly winced, remembering what was said in class that morning. Crouching down so that she was eye to eye with her junior, she took her hands with a 'big sister' smile, "Any time you want to ask a question, or talk about something that worries you? You can always come to me, ok? I know you have a lot of people around you that are supporting you and Nozomi-chan, and I don't want to make them seem unimportant, but I grew up not having _anyone_ to talk to. If I had someone…I probably wouldn't be in the mess I'm in now. So I know what it's like, and I _promise_ I'll listen."

"Thank you…Minami-nee," wrapping tiny arms around her new friend's neck, she gave what warmth she had to the embrace. "I'll make sure to tell Shinji that you're being extra helpful around here. Maybe he'll even offer to let you stay, so I can have an easier time talking to you from time to time."

Standing just outside the doorway to the kitchen, eavesdropping to make certain her baby sister was being treated well, Yang sighed quietly. She had to accept that it wasn't just Hikari who had misjudged the supposed 'good time girl' from their class, and part of accepting that was making sure that she was given a fair hearing. Stepping around the corner as if she'd just arrived, she clapped her hands to garner attention to her arrival, "Hey, guys! We're gonna be on our own for a bit, Shinji wanted to have a heart-to-heart with his wives and Rei-chan. I'm thinking makeup tutorial with Tsuru and Fuuka-chan and reapplying our nail polish. Let's get these dishes done so we have some time, yeah?"

+++++ 15th Angel + 8: Friday, December 2nd (127)

There had been awkwardness, as Shinji had to cope with far more people than he was truly comfortable with. That discomfort, however, had been eased by three women who not only loved him to death but were equally dedicated to improving the experience for the one woman to have her 'first time' involve four other people. For every second outside of his soul they changed and shifted how they shared with one another.

During a lull, where they allowed the bluenette to gain her bearings once more, she laid with Hikari holding her tightly and asked yet another socially unaware question, "It had been written, in several places, during my research into human sexuality that the male would not be able to perform at this level for this long. Is your stamina and virility a component of your hybridity, or a blessing from one of your Aspects?"

"It's actually a measure of his inability to relax and let people have fun without working his fantastic butt off for it," Lily giggled. "The truth, as boring as it is, is physical. He has a malformation of the nerve endings stimulating certain regions of his body, which means his body doesn't 'get the signal' as easily."

"Proof, finally," Shinji chuckled quietly, "that I'm not perfect."

"Right," Maya luxuriated in allowing Lily to stoke her lusts, "because even those things which aren't formed the same as others are formed in a way to grant you an advantage. Sorry, Pup. You're still in the running for perfection."

Hikari, insatiable in her own way, mirrored the Night Mother's actions on her 'captive' as she pushed the conversation forward, "As much as I want to just revel in this for the next ten forevers, though, I need to know what we can do about Rei's blindness. I'm game for blindfolds during sex, but her not being able to see at all is unacceptable. I want her to see how I feel about her presence in our lives."

"I've been thinking about that, but none of the…abilities, I guess is still the best word to use, that I've gained seem helpful." Shinji sat forward, unencumbered as both pairs of women remained separate from him, "Whatever this ailment is, it seems focused in her mind. Physical deformities shouldn't really continue _here_. Unless the person suffering from them has such an entrenched view of their physical ailment as a core component of their being, it would go away. That's why Kyoko can speak here, after all. Her 'voice' can't be heard in the real world because she can't yet manifest the pressure waves needed to be heard. Here, though, she-"

"Whoa, whoa whoa whoa," Maya sat up, blinking, "yet?"

Lilith sighed, irritated that her snack had a new, and more compelling, interest, "Three times, at least, she's shown the capacity to impact the real world. I think she's borrowing strength from Lover to do so, but he's right. If she focuses it enough she should be able to become visible and tangible to a degree. After all, she _exists_ as a part of him. An extension of his being. Much like dear Rei does for me."

"So, she might be able to show herself to Asuka?" The possibility of an actual reunion made many previously closed off paths begin to crack themselves open, "How can we help her do that? Does she know?"

He shook his head, "Right now, she needs to be nearly incandescent with rage. Having her approach Asuka like that would only make things worse. Have you _ever_ seen Two respond to anger with anything but more anger? _Ever_?" Pointing off in the direction of the area Kyoko was currently keeping Sahaquiel occupied in, he shrugged, "She knows. Or at least, I'm pretty sure she does. I haven't wanted to mention anything to her, because it's akin to taunting me with peace and a calm life. The _potential_ is there, but the path towards it is filled with angry snakes and pissed off badgers."

"He's not wrong. She has to harness a powerful emotion to begin, and the only two that are powerful enough right now are the rage she borrows from him, or the love she has for him." Lily smiled sadly, "She cares about him deeply, for everything he's tried to give to her, do for her. She teases him about things, sure…but of anything I'm sad for it's that I can't just will another body into existence that would allow her to exist as a physical being. She's spent too much time as a spirit, it's part of who she is now."

"Let's focus on getting Rei her sight back," Shinji cut off further discussion. "That's where I want effort going. Kyoko herself would likely be angry to hear that she was distracting from any progress on that front."

"I'll take her in with us tomorrow," Maya relented. "Run some tests, talk to Amy. See if we can't try to narrow down potential problems between Rits, Amy, and I." She pointed to Shinji, "I want to be there when you talk to Asuka. So don't sneak down there without me, ok?"

He knew he wasn't going to win that fight, not without burning the good will that had built up around them all the past day, and so he simply responded as any good husband did, "Yes, dear."

+++++ 15th Angel + 9: Saturday, December 3rd (128)

For the second day in a row, Shinji found himself gaining the advantage in battle against Suzuka. His spear moved as an extension of his being, flexing, twisting, and dancing around her guard with a nearly sentient determination to seek victory. Pressing her hard, giving her no quarter, he pondered something for a fraction of a second before engaging with the plan, accepting that he was going to be scolded for doing so without arranging matters beforehand as the cost of finding out something vital to their success. Between one strike and the next, he dropped his guard completely and was rewarded with an unchecked blow to the top of his shoulder that dropped him to his knees and set his ears ringing hollow. Pain, followed by nausea, ending with him vomiting out blood as his body slowly realigned itself in the aftermath of devastation.

" _What were you thinking?!_ " Throwing her sword aside, his wife attempted to tend to his shoulder, the ruined and bruised flesh working its own magic in inducing a new form of morning sickness, "Oh, spirits and ancestors, we have to-"

"I'll be fine…in a minute," cradling his ruined arm, he fell heavily to a seated position and laughed in both relief and disbelief as a wash of endorphins flooded him. "Had to-" His face bunched as the bones set themselves, "Oh…wow, I never want to be awake for that again."

Suzuka sought her center. Desperately fighting with her temper to not continue to scream at him, she ground out through clenched teeth, "What. Were. You. Thinking?"

"Test." His skin crawled as muscles and sinew restored their rightful place, "Not…fully invincible. Your promise…based on thought processes." As the physical sensations subsided, all he was stuck with was the memories and echoes of pain and discomfort. Standing, slowly, he smiled through the remnants, "Not bad. Just need to evade for a few seconds. Not let it overwhelm me with how disgusting that feels. In combat, adrenaline should help me out more."

She watched him flex his arm, testing out the limb's range of motion, "Why did you not tell me?" Holding up a hand to silence him as his mouth opened, she shook her head, "Because you believed I would hold back. And you were right, I would have. Because, as shocking as this might be to you, I love you. What do you think would have come of me if I brought your _corpse_ into the house this morning, hmm? How would I have lived with myself had I managed to actually murder the father of my children?" Stepping around the emesis, she cupped his neck just shy of choking him, "How many times am I going to have to become angry with you before you talk to me before you just do things you _colossal idiot_?"

"As many times as are necessary for me to learn what I must." Standing tall, he willed his spear back into his hand from where it lay on the ground to lean against it, "Because, as shocking as _this_ might be to _you_ , I trust you. What do you think will become of me if I bring your corpse home from a fight, because I didn't push my limits harder in training? How will I live with myself if I manage to get the mother of my children killed? How many times will I look at the shrine I build to your unparalleled courage, your unearthly beauty, your unrivaled devotion, and wish that it had been _me_ who died instead?" Meeting her glare at his retort with an impassive stare, he raised one eyebrow, "You're holding back, Suzi. Stop that. You are my finest Weapon against any enemy I face. The Eva be damned, I would trust you to find a way to overcome _any_ obstacle we face." He cast his hand back towards the Manor, "I put the lives of every single being in that house in _your_ care. Whether it's fear, or worry, or some strange combination of something else entirely stopping you from committing fully, I need you to get over it. Armisael will not go calmly, and Tabris will try to take everything from us, then comes the Scions, the Judges, and whatever else is afterwards. If you cannot, or will not, strike where I need you to, when I need you to, then I _will_ set you aside and trust to my knife instead. And don't even think about bringing up what I said about trust because you know damn good and well that all you have to do is look at something crosswise, and I will erase it from existence if need be. I trust your judgement in combat. Trust mine."

Her tongue stilled as he tossed his spear aside, banishing it to the aether from whence it came, and turned to walk back into the house. She knew he wasn't entirely wrong, and worse, she knew that most of her hesitation came from a fear that he would die. She had been fighting for over four hundred years. He had been fighting, in this life, for barely four months. He fought with a skill that grew seemingly by the second, yet she couldn't seem to shake the feeling that there was something missing. Something lacking that he needed. Retrieving her own weapon, she followed him inside. There was nothing more she could do that morning, and her children needed her.

+++++ Author's Notes:

drew6406:

RE: Billy Joel.

It seemed too fitting to not use, and Billy Joel's songs are widely used in academia for various lessons as they are. ("We Didn't Start the Fire", as an example.)

RE: Regression.

Progress is hard won, for Shinji. It's honestly hard won for most people. The worst part for him is, he's bound by rules that are tangible, but invisible.

TripleF:

RE: Asuka.

She's not quite ready for help. Her own mind and body are working against her, and the painful part is she knows it.

RE: Venus.

You! (Insert playful finger guns.)

Ghost Man:

RE: Stupid.

But valorous! Perhaps better to call it 'forgivable stupidity'.

RE: Piano Man.

He has a deep, raspy, voice. Like a darker Lemmy. It'd add something to the song, no doubt.


	146. Chapter 146

+++++ 15th Angel + 9: Saturday, December 3rd (128)

"I need to go to NERV after class," Shinji shook his head, shooting down the plan with regret. "I'd love to go on another date, but I have to meet with the delegation from the Catholic Church to apologize for the confusion lately, talk to Asuka and try to get her to take her medication, check in with the various Sections and make sure that things are still going ok with the Evas, and then see what progress has been made on Unit-02's core." Leaning against the doorframe near Hikari's desk, his smile was tired, "Two more periods, and then I get to do all that before heading home and making dinner so that I know you are all eating something healthy. If there's time afterwards, maybe I can try and meet up with them for something…it'll depend on how open their schedules are at that point."

Minami, having sat quietly to listen to the rundown of his afternoon, half raised a finger, "Is your life always that busy, senpai?" The latest young woman to have her nails painted in the manner chosen by Shinji's three ladies present had, that very day, found that her latest test scores were improved by over fifty percent of their original values, "Is there anything I…err, we can do to help?"

"Don't be afraid to volunteer by yourself, Minami-chan," Hikari had shifted to sit sideways to speak to both her husband and new friend at the same time. "I'm not going to be hurt if there's something you can do that helps free him up to spend more time with someone he wants to spend time with, even if that 'someone' happens to be you from time to time."

Yang's fingers danced happily before her as she grinned, "You should have seen her touch with the paints last night, Hikari. I'm good at putting on makeup, but she's got a far more deft touch than I do. Perfectly light, blended just so," pulling out her phone, she pulled up the picture of Sakura and Minami smiling like titanic hams for the camera, "see? My baby sis looks like she aged twelve years with perfect touches."

"Well done, Minami-chan," resting his hand on Hikari's shoulder as he leaned down to see the picture, Shinji made certain to smile in approval at the young woman who was continuing her assault on the demons of her own past. "That's really great! Thank you for spending time with her, she really needs the extra affection right now."

"She and I read two stories to Team Rainbow last night," Tsuru, having been briefed by Yang on what was to be said, played her part willingly. "One from the book written in tenji, the other from that book written in German and Japanese. It's interesting to see how the book is printed like that, with the raised bumps? We showed them a video from the MAGI-net of how they do that."

He could feel the surprise in Minami's song, the lyrics speaking of disbelief that the women of Shinji's house would so eagerly keep their word. This, in turn, prompted him to feel pride in the trio for turning around their direction, "Two stories? That's excellent. Was Nozomi-chan calmer, afterwards?"

"She was," Minami's smile held a hint of sorrow. "Calmer…but not happier."

"Which is understandable," Hikari cut Shinji off. "She's going through something very trying right now, and 'happy' is going to be difficult to come by. Which is why we need everyone to adhere to what Koko and I have directed." Her eyes took in all four people currently living at the Manor, "Until we can get her on more stable footing, unless Suzuka, Koko, or I are around, she's not where she's supposed to be."

The approach of the teacher's song prompted Shinji to take his own seat, "We'll fix it, as a team. We're a family, folks. The Ikari clan gets things done."

+++++ 15th Angel + 9: Saturday, December 3rd (128)

"Very simply put, my job was to make certain that their interests were advanced."

Gretchen von Ortenburg, the Assistant Secretary for Evangelion Affairs, sat listening to the interview that had ensnared nearly everyone's attention. Scribbling down notes, and trying to make plans around what she knew was coming, all she could do was pray that Shinji would take her call when she had the time to make her apologies.

"My independence was limited, especially involving the methods and means of production. As far as combat went, I was allowed a fairly wide latitude after the JSSDF demonstrated that modern armaments were incapable of dealing with the Angels."

Not having her phone on her, the pre-recorded interview sprung on everyone by surprise as part of the plan to nab more of the malefactors, grated on her. What was being revealed, slowly, was painting a picture of an organization that had been one thrown horseshoe away from costing humanity everything. Even worse, that the people that had been arrested just prior to the interview and forced to sit and listen to the accusations being levelled at them would horrify any court that wanted to take this case…except there _were_ no courts capable of taking this case now. Too many of those who would try them were themselves guilty.

"My cooperation with General Benoit was not predicated on any agreements. Once the wildcard of Lead Pilot Ikari was in place, the carefully laid plans of SEELE began to implode. The unfortunate incident of Doctor Akagi's temporary insanity, which prompted the investigators to initially target those personnel in the command staff for NERV Tokyo-3, proved to be somewhat of a fortunate incident in retrospect. With communications monitored by both SEELE and the UN High Command, there was precious little to be done by anyone before the UNIGC took charge."

The Secretary General, sitting next to her, looked older and older with every question. The rot had spread far deeper, far thicker, than anyone had anticipated. The individuals captured had expected General Benoit to adhere to his stated schedule, to report in, tender his resignation, and accept the summary judgement of the UN Armed Forces Commander. Now that the man who had been in overall command of the UN Armed Forces was handcuffed to a chair, it was looking rather unlikely that the schedule would be met.

"Our operations playbook consisted of targeted assassinations of intransigent individuals that held positions which would enable them to counter any direct arrests by responding with either lethal force or crippling economic damage to either the war effort or those countries currently struggling with economic insecurity, nutritional insecurity, or a combination of the two. My network of associates was tasked with cooperating alongside sanctioned forces, with final execute authority delegated to the commander on the ground with an emphasis on both adversary capture, and intelligence retention. Neutralization was only authorized in extreme cases."

She couldn't believe the list of crimes that had been happening right under her nose. Her own department, somehow, had a fully funded shadow detachment that had been not only passing along information on Shinji, but on his household, his school, his friends. She now knew far more about the Shirakami, and what they'd done to protect him, than even General Benoit knew. Forgiveness would be hard earned, and were it anyone but the man known as Paladin she doubted she'd have even that chance to gain it.

The commander of the UNIGC paused the tape, "I will be blunt: I want nothing to do with restoring order. My part in this was to bring the evidence to light, the guilty to our courts, and to protect the last, best, hope of Mankind. I have failed on two of those three charges. I am no longer fit for command, and the blood on my hands will stain anything I touch from here on. My gift, to all of you who are not in shackles, is a chance. His gift," Philip gestured to the frozen picture of Gendo Ikari, who looked poised and prepared even as his eyes appeared as if the light had died within them, "fights for our worthless hides. I ask only that the accused receive both a fair trial, and consideration for what aid he has provided not only the investigation but mankind as a whole."

"General," standing quickly, Gretchen cut off any other possible noise that might have come forth from the few assembled not being detained as accomplices to the murder of humanity, "we are facing a major crisis with so many of our senior leadership now…facing serious accusations." She had wanted to state that they had been proven guilty by those accusations, she'd read enough of the evidence to know that any possible trial would be short, but this was a formal gathering, even as informally as those present were dressed, "Are you honestly unwilling to stand with us as we piece back together what we can? None of us are 'clean', if such a thing exists in this world, but we can do much to help each other wash some of our sins free if we don't give up!"

The old officer shook his head, "Too many would question how much of what I have done, was done for personal gain. There are others, men and women far better suited to the task. My replacement is receiving medical attention at the moment, and should be healthy enough to assume my office by the time I am finished presenting my case. The transfer of power should remain orderly. As far as the command of the UN Armed Forces? My recommendation would be Admiral Samuel Drake. His brilliance, tactical, diplomatic, and strategic, has been proven time and again. My hopes for washing my sins free lie with a young man far too pure of spirit for this world."

The Secretary General gently patted the table, silencing Gretchen's renewed pleas, "Thank you, General. Please make certain that the former Commander remains unmolested until we can determine how best to adjudicate these…grave accusations." Standing slowly, his age weighing heavily from him, he sighed in disappointment, "How far does the corruption truly go?"

"To be honest, Your Excellency," Philip looked the man dead in the eye, "were it not for your overt tendencies to be open with everything you do and your willing release of all of your financial forms, both professional and personal, I would still be investigating _you_. Those that I have not brought up on charges in this room should not take their freedom lightly, I will remain unsparing in shining His light on this organization until it is no longer my duty to do so."

+++++ 15th Angel + 9: Saturday, December 3rd (128)

"Hey, Kelly, I'm really sorry about dropping in unannounced." Shinji smiled repentantly as he entered the room and motioned for everyone to take their seats again, "After everything that's happened, and all of the back and forth we've put them through, I wanted to apologize in person." Kissing her professionally on the cheek, and giving her a warm hug, he included silently to his favorite redhead, _Also I wanted to take responsibility for the Aspects. They said that they were concerned that you were being asked to 'worship' someone else, and that offended them deeply._ Turning to face the two Archbishops, both still on their feet with their hands clasped before them, he continued his campaign of disarming expectations, "I would have been here earlier today, gentlemen, but I couldn't miss the tests in the first few periods. With all the school I miss from time to time, ducking out just really looks bad to my fellow students. Everybody looks to me for examples of what to do, and all I can manage is to not be a complete disappointment. You understand, right?"

"Of course, Your Grace," the ranking Archbishop bowed his head respectfully. "We have made excellent progress, as I'm certain that Your Messengers have kept you informed."

Eyeing Matarael, Shinji's lips turned down, "Oh, I've spoken with them. We had something of an understanding, you see. They weren't supposed to make their presence known until after my battle with the enemy was over, and I would spend more time with them. I'm pleased to hear that both of you have agreed to not make it common knowledge. I understand that according to your faith it would be considered…inappropriate to keep it from His Holiness, but I'm confident I can rely on him to make the wise decision and not cause a public panic by announcing their general presence."

"We are close to being finished, Your Grace," Kelly maintained her professional demeanor as she deflected the conversation back onto safe tracks, despite her song speaking of a mixture of pleasure to see him and irritation that he'd dropped by unannounced. "We've agreed to host the meeting on site, to mitigate the security issues that His Eminence would experience." Gesturing to the notes, she tapped each point as she spoke, "He would like to meet with as many of the family as possible, but understands that some may be reluctant and others unavailable. He's hoping for at least one meal, preferably dinner, as an 'unofficial' meeting. The matter of our wedding has raised several counter-requests to host that wedding…."

He wasn't without sympathy for how she trailed off, spying her shorthand and responding with a bit of a sigh himself, "I'd really hoped to be married to you before then. But, if this is what it will take then this is what we will do." Setting his hand on her back, he gently rubbed along her spine, "We can wait. It's important to you." _I was going to ask if you were up to helping me experiment with the distance, trying to stop Fuuka from feeling…well, you know._

"You…I apologize if this is forward, Your Grace," the Archbishop hesitated, "but had you wished to begin a family?"

"I was going to trust to fate," Shinji shrugged. "If that's how things shook out, then that's what was meant to be. I'm certain Kelly has her own opinions on the matter, and I definitely wouldn't want to presume anything on her end, but I've rather given up attempting to plan out my life." His eyes hardened, "Every time I do, I tend to get slapped around like a disobedient hound with a worthless master." Relaxing at a touch from his consort, he shook his head slowly, "Let's move on. I need to go see what I can do about Two, and then touch base with Maya and Rits on Unit-02."

+++++ 15th Angel + 9: Saturday, December 3rd (128)

His head rested against the thick partition between him and the interior of the cell, his eyes closed and every effort being made to not just walk away, "Really?" He could feel Asuka's frustrations in her song, its lyrics beginning to demand loudly and repeatedly that she urge him to enter her cell so that she could comfort him. She hadn't been sleeping, or eating, and both were taking their toll on her. _Why hasn't she been declared incompetent? What is stopping us from medicating her?_

Maya's reply twined itself with Asuka's halting explanation of why she had to defend herself against the medical personnel, his wife's voice winning the battle for his attention, _Ethics. Temple won't sign off on it, and I…I can't in good faith manipulate her like that, Pup. I want her to be better, but she has to want it too. Jabbing her with needles and terrorizing her for weeks means that…if worse comes to worse, she's not going to be interested in helping us beat Tabris. This isn't like when someone was in her head that didn't belong there, that was a massive security risk. This…well, this is just who she is._

"Two, I don't know how much clearer I can make this: you _can not_ assault people. I've been fighting to get you help, and part of that help is taking the medication!" Pushing himself back from the window, he opened his eyes and saw that she'd placed her hand over where his head had been. "What do I need to do to get you to actually, consistently, _willingly_ , take the damn pills?" Bardiel reported that needles were involved, according to his fellow pilot. "Shots, pills, whatever. What do I have to give you to get you to take the medication that my wife, who I love and trust, and who wants nothing but the best for you, says will help you stabilize enough to stop with the horse shit?" Once more, Bardiel's words were barely necessary for how loudly broadcast Asuka's thoughts were. "Two, I would take medication if it did anything for me. My physiology is alien, mostly. If I need anesthesia anymore, it's going to have to be applied by a freight train to the side of my head! You are human, these medicines _will_ help you."

Hating that she couldn't be standing by his side, Maya's heart ached at the way her husband's face carried his pain. She knew Asuka didn't see it, she doubted many of the people outside of the Manor could anymore, the expressive, emotive, man she adored had begun to hide those traits behind a wall of anger and determination. He'd seemed so happy the night before, he'd seemed just fine this morning, but right now it was as if whatever changes he'd made that had prompted that joie de vivre were all undone at the unsolvable blacksmith's puzzle that was Asuka Langley Soryu. _We're trying, I swear we are._

 _I know, Kitten…I know._ "I'm opening the door. If you try to leave your cell, I want you to understand that you can't out run me and I will stuff you back in here sore and tired." The agreement he'd made was that he would secure the corridor so that they could speak without anyone overhearing, except for those medical personnel able to administer the drugs. He'd asked his wife to step aside to not spin Asuka up, and made the initial plea through the closed wall of thick, reinforced, semi-transparent plasteel. As he keyed in the sequence that would open it, his hand moving too fast for anyone to track the combination he'd lifted from one of the guard's thoughts, he silently urged Maya to back up. He wanted room to strike, if necessary.

Asuka, however, remained standing where she had been, "See? I can be a good girl, meine Mausbärchen." Taking his hand as he approached and running it along her body with a seductive grin, she added, "Doesn't deine bester Häschen deserve pets?"

Firmly withdrawing his hand with a disapproving frown, he set forth his expectations, "I just had an issue with unauthorized 'pets' creating confusion in the Manor. I'm not going to be a hypocrite myself."

Her mood whiplashed violently, "Which one of those faithless whores cheated on you?!"

"Please don't refer to my fiancée as a whore." He paused in his scan of the interior of the cell to glare at his fellow pilot in rebuke, "The situation was neither that simple, nor that serious. Damn it, Two, this is what I'm talking about. What happened to the fire and confidence, hmm? The woman who could take on any threat with ice in her veins? The pilot that pulled my sorry ass out of the volcano? You're not sleeping, you're not eating, from what it looks like you're barely hydrating! You're attacking the people trying to help you, and you're acting like you'd just bend over for me and let me go at you. You're not acting like the woman I knew."

"I _would_ bend over for you, though." Undeterred by his glare, or his speech, she sauntered closer and ran her hands along his hips, "One taste of a superior brand, and you'll understand what I've been telling you. If any of those… _others_ ," her word choice clearly indicated that it was a euphemism for a pejorative, "managed to actually satisfy you, you'd only have the one. That you haven't had the best is why more and newer is constantly paraded before you. This…Creation, it wants you to have the best fit." Zealous devotion glowed in her half-lidded eyes as she simpered up at him, "Slip me on, let me show you what I mean."

Picking her up bodily he sat her down on the wall mounted bed harder than was absolutely necessary, "Stop. That." He could feel his anger rising, and without his knowledge his eye began to glow dark, "I am not some animal ruled by mein teil! You…at least the you I remember, would be horrified by the insinuation that you lifted your skirt so cheaply. All I'm seeing is more proof that you need this medication, and less reason to trust you outside of this cell."

Squirming with approbation, her grin grew more manic, "Don't you see? _That_ is why I'll give you everything! You demand that I treat myself like a queen, and it just makes me want to act like a chambermaid all the more."

Striking the wall, pulling back at the last instant to avoid turning it into powder, he snarled, "Damn it, Asuka, would you be serious for five fucking seconds?"

"A date." Her reply was uncowed, and her tone victorious, "Tomorrow is my birthday. I want _all day_ with you and you alone. You can keep me safe, safer than these idiots can. We do what _I_ want, and in exchange I will take my medicine like you ask. When you see what I can offer you, you'll see why the only injection I need is-"

Cutting her off with a finger before her nose, he growled out, "Don't fuck the landing." Irritation blossomed as she lightly touched her tongue to the tip, before calmly subsuming it with her lips, _I'm going to 'sedate' her. This_ can't _be who she actually is, Maya. This is a combination of physical decay and drunken lack of inhibition._

 _Don't._ His wife's song was as frustrated as he was, _Shinji, without her consent, unless we can determine that she truly isn't just…this, we're violating her human rights. We're keeping her here as punishment for the records violations, medical treatment for serious, life-threatening, wounds is authorized without consent…this isn't._

A grotesque sucking sound preceded a giggle as Asuka pulled free of his digit, "Mmm…how do you taste like vanilla?"

"You take the medication, right now, or there's no deal." He hated himself, "As required, as directed by either Ritsuko, Temple, or Maya, you calmly take the medication. Until, or unless, they say otherwise you take the medication."

"Don't you want to come see me take it yourself?" She wrinkled her nose cutely, "Make sure I'm being the goodest girl?"

His eye aflame, he clenched his fist, "I trust my wife to act appropriately, and they trust me to keep my word. Now, will you agree to my terms, or am I walking away?"

"Wear something red. It'll go well with what I'm thinking of putting on." Bored indifference flowed over her features, "You can summon the traitor now. I know she's been waiting for you to convince me to show her a little skin."

Maya prevented him from chastising her further, _Stop. She's just trying to get a rise out of you. I think she gets off on you being dominant._ Walking into view, she maintained her unruffled demeanor, "Thank you for agreeing to let us help you, Asuka. I promise, we're going to do everything we can to help you find a steady even."

"Everything except let him bond me," she countered contemptuously.

"I'm bound to your mother," Shinji stepped clear to allow his wife to act. "Would you honestly want to be in that kind of a relationship with me, knowing that you'd be aware of those times she and I were intimate?" He gestured between the two of them, "Or have her know when you and I were intimate? Could you live like that?"

She rolled her eyes to consider him fondly, "Püppchen, once you and I are as one you won't _need_ any of them. They can go find other amusements, because I'll free you from their manipulations."

 _Stop_ , Maya's request was just short of an order. _We've got our opening. So long as we can get a week of properly medicating her, we're going to start seeing results. You are arguing with someone who is not representative of the actual human being we're looking at, and it won't do you any good to wind yourself up._ Swabbing the area that she was going to use as the injection site, she checked the labels and doses for the fiftieth time and explained what they were before gently dosing the woman that was testing even her patience. "You should start to feel some immediate relief from the insomnia soon, so let's get you laid down."

 _This is not her, I agree._ Shinji moved to help the woman that looked like his friend settle in, "I'll be here tomorrow at ten hundred, Asuka. I'll give you as much time as I can, barring emergencies."

Blue eyes framed with red hair softened suddenly, her song shuddering into a much different tune, "Bitte…verlass mich nicht…."

Maya placed the safety caps on the needles, surprised as Shinji knelt down and calmly began to stroke his hand over the crown of their patient's head, _I don't understand German, Pup. What did she say?_

Anger remained, though it was mostly predicated on frustration and impotence, and he badly wanted to cry as he responded, _It means, 'Please, don't leave me'._ "I'll stay until you're asleep, Two. But I can't change what you've done, or what you're being punished for doing."

She wasn't surprised when Kyoko appeared, sitting sideways behind her daughter's head and joining Shinji in sorrow over what had become of the young woman both seemed destined to hurt more than help. _I'll be in my lab, running the blood we drew. Come get me, when you're ready._

+++++ 15th Angel + 9: Saturday, December 3rd (128)

"The presumed mental illnesses have a pronounced effect on behaviors," Rei explained to those without experience or study of the subject. "Those effects are amplified by what are referred to as comorbidities, other illnesses that often would not have been as pronounced without the bipolar. Once Pilot Soryu arrived, I performed some research on what I had gleaned from her personnel records, and I believe that Doctor Amethyst and Doctor Akagi are correct in their diagnoses based on historical evidence. I, however, am not a practicing psychologist, psychiatrist, or behavioral counselor, and my opinion comes with that caveat. So-called 'armchair diagnoses' are to be avoided, as they tend to stigmatize and misrepresent otherwise valid issues."

Hikari shook her head sadly, "Almost seventeen years without proper support, it's no wonder that she's a mess. As irritating as it is to lose out on a day with him, I think we're best off supporting his decision to spend her birthday with her. He'll have Kyoko and Arael to help him avoid pitfalls, and lately he's started to show signs of knowing what it is he actually wants to do in and with his life. She can't hurt him physically, can we trust Arael to help him avoid mental and emotional scars, Iri?"

"As much as anyone can encourage him to act in a certain manner," the Aspect of Terror shrugged helplessly. "Our husband is not one to be guided by the nose once he gets his hackles up, you know that as well as I do my dear." Gesturing off to the side, she smiled with tepid amusement, "Though it seems that Fuuka has some interesting ideas on what to do with someone who would intentionally harm him."

"Oh, oh my," the amber-eyed youth waved her hands in a warding motion, "I'm just thinking to myself, Iri-sama. I would never act in such a manner to one of Shinji-sama's friends."

Rei turned out of habit, hearing the door to the 'master' bedroom open and close, "Is he more calm now?"

Maya nodded, fatigue hanging off of her, "Suzuka and he are in the bath. She asked for some time alone with him, and he agreed that it might be better for 'warriors to speak as warriors'. If I'm being honest, I think he just wants fewer people to see him cry." Flopping backwards onto the couch, her head in her wife's lap, she blew out a heavy sigh, "The change after I injected her with the fast-acting sedative was tangible. _Palpable_. She's wound so tight that she's lashing out at everything and anything. Who we're dealing with isn't 'the real her', it's not even a fake her. It's a tangle of nonsense put forth by a system that's running on a very ragged edge."

"She'd fit right in, around here," Hikari calmly picked the hair free that had fallen into the face of the woman she loved, "we're all damaged in one way or another. If she could get over the fact that Shinji doesn't belong to any of us, she might have already been bound to him before…."

"The issue remains, with regards to your species' distaste for intergenerational partner sharing," Ireul picked up where Hikari had drifted off. "Though the issue becomes even more clouded, once you realize that every one of you are related. Lilith is your forebear, as she is of each and every Lilin on Earth. The degree of relation is all that truly makes any difference."

The Princess held her head still, "I know. I would never give Kyoko up for Asuka, I just wish I knew a way to make this better for everyone. The more we _in_ clude others, the more we _ex_ clude even more. It's not fair to Shinji, most of all, that our only knowledge of Asuka comes from her misbehaviors. We don't see the past they have together, in other lives. We only see the damaged woman from this one."

Rei's head tilted, "She has forever been destructive to him. Even in those lives where I would state that she put forth significant effort to improve herself, she has remained a force of chaos. Forgetting to take her medications, taking her pain out on him, forcing him to accept the unacceptable. It is a facet of her being to be self-centered, amplified by her legacy from the woman who birthed her." Her face turned down to her lap, "We all must carry the sins of those who bore us, it seems."

+++++ 15th Angel + 9: Saturday, December 3rd (128)

It was just before midnight, as Shinji sat alone at his new favorite spot in the Manor. Slowly working through those letters he would send to those who had written him, making certain to give due attention to the people that seemingly had no one else that would listen to their cries, he would look up from time to time to watch the fish. Gaghiel, asleep at his side, was thrilled beyond words that his efforts had granted even this small amount of peace to 'his big brother'. It was an eminently workable solution, for both parties. One found comfort in providing to the world, the other found comfort in providing for _their_ world.

While not universally known as his private time, as he himself didn't think of it as such, he was still surprised when he heard the approach of a song. Even more surprised when he realized whose song it was. Without looking up from his letter, the conjured ink affixing itself to the page without need for a pen as he thought the words necessary onto the paper through Sachiel's gift, he greeted his Lilin guest, "Is everything all right, Minami? Something I can do for you?"

"Is…is that a stuffed animal?" Walking over with a small teasing grin, she froze as Gaghiel stirred with a dream, "It moved."

In the rubric of things that Shinji was irritated about, Asuka, his failed plans to attack the issue with Unit-03's core because of Asuka, tomorrow's 'date' with Asuka… _Asuka_ , that Minami was about to find out something about his life that he hadn't intended to share just yet really didn't have the punch that it once might have. "His name is Gaghiel, he used to be the Angel of Fish…now he's just another part of my family. Like my wives, and others that you haven't met yet." Patting the couch next to him on the side opposing his Aspect, he finished the letter and began to fold it with invisible strands of Bardiel's hair, "Have a seat. I'll introduce you."

Wide eyed, and dressed in a trendy, yet comfortable, pair of pajamas, she cautiously sat down next to the man she'd come to check on, "An…an Angel. Like…."

"He was the thirteenth fight I ever had, if you count a certain way." Gently petting his young Aspect, he couldn't help but smile as he spoke, "This time, it ended a lot differently than the first. Though, this time I ended up with kind of a younger brother that can not only feed my family, but give me a calming view of creatures from different worlds so far away that the light from their stars will never reach our lonely little planet." Gesturing to the fish tank, he leaned in towards the woman he was coming to think of as another resident, "The glowing yellow one, right there? It's extinct. The world they lived on was consumed by a firestorm after a rogue moon got caught in their gravity well and dragged into the planet itself. We're looking at a species that wouldn't exist…except for the good-natured tendencies of a being that didn't understand what it was doing when it attacked us." Dropping the hand not occupied with Gaghiel onto her knee, he smiled warmly, "So, to be honest, you're not the first person I've looked at and said, 'Maybe they just need a chance to show me who they really are'."

"Great One," Gaghiel mumbled, half asleep, "would you politely stop tickling me?" Unscrewing one eye, he saw that Minami was seated across from him and froze, "I…I…."

"Steady," Shinji continued calmly petting him as he kept his other hand gently gripping her knee. "Minami, this is Gaghiel. Gaghiel, this is Minami Kajima. I was just showing her your hard work, the species that would be extinct if not for you."

"They're…very handsome fish, Gagi…Gagie…." She made a face as the foreign sounding name came haltingly to her lips, "I am very, very sorry, sir. Your name is difficult for me to pronounce, and I'm not very good at-"

"No, no no!" Floating up quickly, Gaghiel danced before her waving his fins, "Please don't be sad! You're someone the Great One loves! Politely loves! We…we can come up with a nickname! Something you can say, until you have time to practice my name. That would work, right?" He looked to Shinji for support, "Right?"

"If you are fine with her having a nickname for you, I'm not going to stand in the way." Feeling rather silly as 'first contact' was made with the one Aspect he least would have considered for the position, Shinji played the intermediary with calm confidence as both seemed to want nothing more than to make him happy that they were treating the other with respect, "Friends call friends all sorts of random things, sometimes even seemingly derogatory things, because that's how they show affection. Jorth-san calls Vidar a 'lout', even though he's the least loutish man I've ever met."

Minami tentatively reached out with one hand, lightly touching atop one of Gaghiel's fins, "I…I think I'll call you Fin-kun, until I can practice your name properly." Grinning hopefully, she looked bashfully to Shinji, "I used to have a stuffed animal from the cannery owner, it was a manta ray and I named it that."

The easily pleased Aspect danced and swayed happily, "Then I'll be Fin-kun!" Pausing upside-down, he looked to Shinji, "What's a cannery?"

Sensing Minami's panic as she realized she was discussing eating something that might be related to who she was speaking to, Shinji stepped quickly to prevent the situation from descending back into discontent, "When we catch some of your children for food, we don't always eat them right away. Sometimes we have to deliver them to other places that don't have easy access to the sea, which means we have to store their meat. We do that by putting them in small metal containers that are sealed with heat and a vacuum to help preserve them until they're ready to be consumed."

"Oh! How clever!" Righting himself, he bobbed his head encouragingly to their guest, "That's a very good plan to make certain others can enjoy my children. It would be a shame if they spoiled before anyone could eat them, after all." Setting himself to swaying, further demonstrating his inability to stay still while awake, the Aspect attempted to continue the conversation, "So…what's your favorite one of my children? The Great One refuses to say, so I have to keep trying to feed him different ones and testing to see if he enjoyed what I gave him more than before."

"Err…well," the manner in which Shinji was squeezing her knee to comfort her was both maddening and lovely to her, "there are so few cod anymore, but I once got to eat one that had been caught by accident. I thought it was really great, the way that dad prepared it."

Tilting his head slightly as he scanned through the memory she'd brought to the fore, Gaghiel nodded, "Cod…yes…. Ok!" Dashing over to the tank, he produced a few specimens, "These! You can have them for dinner tonight, or tomorrow. Nice and big, well grown. Yes?"

Shinji smiled at the newest additions to the watery kingdom that was an ancillary to his Manor, sleek and tinged light green, "We'll do what we can, with everyone's schedules, Gaghiel. Would you mind seeing if there are places available somewhere in the waters around Japan to restock that species? Work with Sachiel, if necessary, to help them return." With a pleased squee at being given a task, the former Sixth Angel popped out of sight and was gone. Turning his body to more directly face his houseguest, Shinji's smile changed with his motion to apologetic, "I am very sorry to have to introduce you like that. He's a good kid, but he's very…eager."

"He's…kinda cute," her grin was only partly in memory of the Aspect, as Shinji hadn't removed his hand from her knee. "I'm sorry if I bothered you by coming out, it's just…well, we haven't had a chance to talk, just the two of us…you know…."

"And I am very sorry about that." Finally moving his hand so he could sit on his knee and lay sidelong against the back of the seat, he spread his fingers out, "This is my life, for good or bad. Always running from one thing to the next, trying to help as many people as I can." His hand gestured to the stack of letters, "Most of those are going to go to other countries, people who've never even seen Japan on a map, it seems. Simple things, small problems, but…I don't know, they seem to want to trust a young man they've never met who fights giant aliens over the man right across the street from them. Like they're afraid of…." Closing his eyes, he sighed, "I'm sorry, you came out here to talk and I just started in on me. What's bothering you, what can I do to help?"

"What?" She blinked, "No, no you're fine! I was interested, please, what were you going to say?"

He could hear that her song spoke no lies, she was actively curious about his life, about what he was doing, "It's…it's like they're afraid of other people. Not in the specific sense, like you're afraid of your former best friend, but in the general sense. Like they think they're one misspoken word away from being hurt, or hurting someone. Everyone's walking on eggshells, over the silliest things too." He sighed in irritation, "The letter I was finishing up when you came out, it's a perfect example. The lady has a friend, she's interested in him, but she doesn't want to ask him out or even have someone else ask him out, because he's white and she's black. She's terrified her, and these are her words, 'her own people' will disown her for it. To be honest, I didn't know what to say. I tried to steer her towards asking someone she trusted more than anyone else, to take her concerns to them. How am I supposed to know how to handle talking to someone you like? Every single one of the ladies here approached me, except for Misato…we kind of approached each other, failed a lot before we…well, damn. That's an example I could have used."

Her eyes lit up with curiosity, "So…you prefer it when the woman approaches you?"

"I wouldn't really say I prefer it, as much as I'm familiar with it. I'm, or at least I _was_ , really dense. I miss the obvious, or misconstrue it. I wouldn't say it's true anymore, either. I know when someone's interested, because of the song their soul cries out with." One shoulder raised in a half-shrug, "If I'm honest, as…arrogant as it sounds…it's more rare to come across someone that's _not_ interested in me, at least physically."

"Well…duh?" Moderate embarrassment washed over her face, "You're kinda really, stupidly, hot."

"I'm a freak," he responded without any heat. "I'm taller than anyone I've met, I weigh as much as any six of the women in this house put together, I have shock white hair, two different eye colors, sound like someone's spinning a rotten leather bag full of gravel, and can summon primordial forces at a whim. There are literally no other beings like me in all of Creation. I'm…unique, and alone." Turning to look back at the fish, he missed the frustration in her gaze, "I'm surrounded by women I love, and I'm afraid, alone, and hurting them by being busy all the time."

It was her turn to touch him, shifting to sit up on her knees to lean against his shoulders with her hands, "That's not what I hear. I hear a bunch of women trying to not hurt you by helping you be less busy. Ladies working together to find common ground so that they can build friendships to rely on when you're fighting battles. Sure, they miss you, but that just means they care."

"There's more to it than that," he patted her side with one giant hand. "Some of them didn't have a choice but to be tied to me for all time. That they're not upset at that is a blessing, to be sure, but it doesn't change that I'm not necessarily what they wanted. My life is like you've seen, constant motion, a million different fights, never enough time in the real world to spend with people out in the real world. You can't tell me that they don't deserve someone that will be there for them, and only them, through thick and thin."

"Not everyone gets what they deserve, not everyone deserves what they get," she shrugged. "My father works hard, he's always the first to show up to his team, the last to leave, but because others that don't work nearly as hard are better at making friends he doesn't get promoted. It was the one lesson I took from him, that friends seemed to matter more than hard work. It's not fair, but that's just life. If there's anything I've learned these past few days it's that hard work and dedication will get you pretty far, but it won't get you everything. Sometimes you just need luck." Her smile became self-deprecating, "Or to be pretty enough to have someone look past your stupid decisions. Life just kind of sucks sometimes, and you end up not getting what you want."

Shinji knew, logically, that she was speaking about herself. The problem came up in his mind that he knew the statement applied a little too well to Asuka too. She'd fought hard, she'd dug in and did what she could to stop those Angels she'd fought. But she didn't put in any of the hard work needed to become a part of his family. She…almost expected him to just accept her based on proximity and good looks. That was what frustrated him the most, was that she was _capable_ of it, she just wasn't doing what Minami clearly was. "That's a fair point. So what is it you want, then?"

"Oh, I'm fine just talking," she misunderstood his intent, and hit him with a friendly smile that spoke of complete honesty. She really was just fine existing where he could see her trying her hardest to show that she was willing to pitch in and help out, "I noticed that you tend to stay up late, and nobody else has taken the chance to sit down and talk with you at this time of day. They all have a million things to do in the morning, and if I get up a little later it shouldn't be too bad. That means I can spend some time with you right now, without getting in anyone else's way. Kind of a win-win, maybe?"

Slipping his right hand opposite his left, he hefted her from the couch to sit sideways on his lap, "No, Minami…I mean what do you _want_? What's your goal? I'm not hiding barbs, there's no hidden agenda in the question. What is making you seek to stay in a situation that you have seen is not only chaotic but at times filled with anger and pain?"

She hesitated, letting her hands trail along his arms before holding tight to his wrists, "Honestly?"

"Never give me anything but the truth, as painful as you think it might be. I'd rather know, so I can help, support, or face it however I need to, than to sit there ignorant and unable to do anything. Even if all I can do is commiserate and suffer with you, I'd rather suffer with you than allow you to suffer alone." Rolling his arms so that he returned her grip, he added quietly, "Friend, family, or otherwise…I'd just prefer the truth."

"I…I like the way you look at me." Her eyes drifted down to where his and her hands were almost touching, "You don't…you don't stare at my tits, or my legs when I'm in the class uniform. You make eye contact, but you don't make it awkward by staring unblinking. You're the most awkward guy I've ever seen, you hate being who and what you are, but you do it so _naturally_ that it's just a part of who you are. You accept yourself…something I…I just can't seem to do. When you smiled at me, it wasn't leering, or pitying, or an attempt to smooth my panties down to my ankles…it was a way for you to tell me without saying anything that you knew what it was like to suffer. That you hated that I was suffering." Tilting her head towards the master bedroom, she continued in a duller voice, "I'd do anything to have been the girl that you caught as she fell off the ladder. Or the girl that you met at her family's restaurant. Or the girl who took you to her hometown to show to her loving family. Or the girl who piloted with you. Or the girl you saved from a horrible situation. Instead…I'm the girl with just enough of a stable household to skate by until she finds a job in retail. The girl who's pretty enough to find some asshole that doesn't look past the gyaru to see the woman inside. The girl who'll become the woman that looks back on the week she spent in a great house, with a great family that would go on without her to do great things, and that sends her great cards every holiday…and wish that she was as special as a great guy told her she was in a shitty arcade the day her life changed forever."

He nodded, slowly, accepting that the answer was honest and heartfelt. It wasn't the answer he'd hoped to hear, because he always hoped that one day the answer would be different than 'because you treat me like a human being and not a meat sock'. It seemed a low bar, in his mind, to wish for the kind of permanence that he forced upon them. "Are you…ok, with my being honest in return?"

"Please?" She laughed, disbelieving how calmly he was taking her statement, how he managed to make it seem somehow mundane that she would be interested in being a part of something that included such a powerful man, a strong family, with people who actually sat down at a dining room table and enjoyed a meal as that family instead of tossing her food like she was little more than a pig, "If I'm supposed to be brutal with you, you have to do the same to me."

"Every woman I am with, who is tied to my soul…I have no doubt that what we call Creation is responsible for. They've been steered, manipulated, forced to contort their lives to fit into whatever mad schemes Creation has. They seem happy, I agree…. But I doubt, every single day I doubt, that they truly want to be here. I'm fighting against that instinct, but it's a hard, vicious, fight. The guy you see as 'great'? Is just the lucky asshole who got to receive Creation's gifts. All I've done to deserve them…is fail _less_ than the other countless Shinji Ikari in the countless realities that died." Swallowing, he freed his right hand to gently touch her cheek, "I approached you in that shitty arcade because _I_ wanted to. You weren't going to approach me. You tried to force me away. The instant that I saw I could help you with your problem, that I heard all you needed was essentially a pep talk…." Letting his hand drop, he closed his eyes and tipped his head forward, "I selfishly thought to myself that it might be fun to have you around. That having someone not tied to Creation's nonsense, someone _I_ chose, would let me thumb my nose at that capricious asshole demanding I ruin everyone's lives. Are you the most beautiful woman ever? No. I'm not sure such a person exists. Are you the most intelligent woman ever? No. Again, who knows if they exist. Are you the most interesting woman ever? No. Again, perspective. But I look at you and I see someone trying to find where they fit in a world that hates them. I look at you and I see someone who hates that life is railroading them somewhere." His lip curled upwards slightly, "I _do_ look at you and see a really nice set of hips, a good sense of musical rhythm, and when you use it honestly a smile that makes me want to cause it more often."

She looked down to her pajama bottoms, "My…hips?" Scooting a little closer, she crouched lower to force him to look at her, "You like my _hips_?" She considered them her weakest feature, if she considered them at all. She wasn't stacked up top like Kodama or Misato, but she certainly wasn't lacking. She didn't have Yang's or Fuuka's legs, but hers were pretty darn good if you asked her thank you very much. But her hips?

His smile faded, "I keep trying to tell people, Minami…I'm not a good man. A good man doesn't look at another woman when he's married to someone. A good man _definitely_ doesn't look at another woman and think to himself how fantastic it would be to grip her hips tightly and feel as her legs clenched around him." Nodding slowly, he answered her question, "A good pair of hips is probably the first thing I think I would look for…if I were looking for someone to show that I was 'hung like a horse'."

An enormous blush attacked her cheeks, "I _really_ was just trying to take the easy route, senpai. I figured if everyone expected me to just latch onto the fanciest wallet, I may as well do it. I'm really sorry I did that, I've already apologized to Hikari, you know, I just-" The last thing she'd expected that evening was that she'd receive a kiss. Perhaps, in her wildest dreams, she'd receive a press of lips to her cheek, or to the top of her head as Shinji was prone to doing when he was pleased with someone, but never an actual kiss. The wash of warmth she felt as he separated had gone from a blush to something closer to amorous. Still, her eyes danced nervously away as her hands began to toy with his shirt, "We're…not dating, senpai. The rules, at least the ones that were explained to me, said that nobody outside of the family gets a kiss like _that_."

"A wise woman once told me that if I had a chance to bring home a woman that I thought would help the family out, and I missed out on the opportunity because I didn't kiss her, that it would be a greater crime than the kiss itself." Softly tugging her chin back to look at him, he held his heart out for the woman on his lap, "I'm not promising forever, not yet. But I can hear your soul sing with an honest desire to do more to help out around here. That you can't believe your 'good fortune' to have a chance to actually be a part of 'greatness'. I think you're insane, I'll have you know, but if you can keep on this path…maybe I wouldn't mind terribly having late night talks with an honest woman."

A huge grin split her face, "I'm going to be the best big sister Yinghua-chan and Nozomi-chan have ever had. Whatever man they set their eyes on isn't going to know what hit them, and neither will any man who thinks to touch them inappropriately." Showing him the hand she'd hurt the day they'd found common ground, she assumed a look of faux-seriousness, "I'll have you know that the pillar hated what I did just as badly as my hand did, senpai."

Taking the appendage and pressing his lips to her knuckles, his eyes sparkled with amusement, "I do not doubt that, not one bit."

+++++ 15th Angel + 10: Sunday, December 4th (129)

"I'm not asking permission," making breakfast for everyone, Shinji spoke to those who'd already claimed the title 'Wife', minus Rose, "what I'm trying to do is say that I might have found someone that I would like all of you to give honest critiques and opinions on. I get what all of you did with Lily. It makes sense. You, all of you, tried to get me to understand that I own me. That I needed to be considerate of all of you, but ultimately what I did with my body was my choice. The repercussions of my actions would be up to how _you_ felt about what I did. I'm working hard to internalize that lesson, because I don't disagree that it's important. You all know what I would do if you slept with another guy, or a woman that wasn't considered part of the family. I need to give you the same credit, and respect, that you're giving me."

"Praise be to all the puppies of the world, he's learning," Kodama mussed her lips against his cheek happily.

Hikari held Maya close, pleased that her husband was apparently moving steadily onwards, "I'm glad you understood what I meant, my love. I agree entirely with what you're saying."

Suzuka tapped her sword against the ground, "We must be cautious, however. There is good confidence, and then there is ignorant confidence. Let us not allow this to become the latter."

Maya nodded in agreement, "I think it's a great idea for you to come to us about things before you make family-altering decisions. But, I think that you need to have the freedom to make those decisions in a rush if the situation is dire enough. 'It'll never happen' is nothing more than a code phrase for 'I'm an idiot and believe in absolutes'."

"Sen…pai…." Minami had, despite her statement to the contrary, awoken earlier to try and help out around the house. Bowing and making to leave, she intoned respectfully, "I'm very sorry. I didn't know that you were speaking with your wives."

"Oh, psh," Kodama stepped free of Shinji and urged the young woman in, "we're just the ones with the official paperwork out of the way. He was just telling us that he enjoyed having you sit with him last night and listen to him talk about fish and his letters. That's not something he opens up about with just anyone." Wrapping her arm around the slightly shorter woman's shoulders, she tried to encourage her to relax, "I was going to do some checking on the MAGI later for clothes for Yinghua-chan. You mind giving me a hand?"

Not recognizing the offer for the test it was, she responded automatically, "Absolutely! What kind of budget are we talking? Because, this might just be me, but I think she needs to start wearing brighter colors. She's got such great coloration, it's a shame that it's subdued by the greys and browns she wears."

"I will require a little help myself," Suzuka spun her blade back into its loop. "Nozomi-chan and I are to go on a walk around the grounds of the Manor. It is my hope that she will gain some peace if she spends time in the sun, speaking on the matter at hand. Perhaps a fresh set of ears, one she does not feel she's told the story to a thousand times, might help?"

"Would it be ok if I gave her a piggyback?" Comfortable being hugged by Kodama, as she was used to physical affection from the people pretending to be her friends, she agreed to spend more of her Sunday not on things she'd do for herself, "I always wished I could get one when I was younger, myself. But…you know, only child. Mom was blind, and dad was always working."

Shinji, keeping the statement to the mental channel, remained focused on preparing breakfast, _Thank you. Test her as you feel you need to. Let me know if I'm being obtuse, or holding back too much. I'm not claiming it's love at first sight, but I'm also not saying that I think she's a charity project._ "Story sounds too familiar, honestly. Only child, mom was dead…in my case, though, dad was a raging asshole. _Much_ preferred Toshiro Horaki. I miss him dearly."

"I'm certain he's glad to hear you say it, my love," Hikari smiled sadly. "I know he and mom are happy where they are."

Maya wanted to keep the day from swerving down into the maudlin, "Would you mind sitting with us later tonight, Minami? We were all planning on a pedicure-slash-foot massage group effort. Throw on a movie for background noise, talk to each other about our week. It's been hard, and since Shinji's going to be out keeping a promise he made, we're going to have the chance to get everyone together and talk."

"I'd love to," her lip bunched back, "but I do need to study. So long as I've reached my goal, after helping everyone else, I'll try and join in. Ok?"

"We'll help you study," Hikari volunteered her wife. "Maya is a doctorate-level mathematician, Ritsuko's a polymath, Misato's far smarter than she makes herself seem, and Koko's a nurse. Suzuka, while not exactly traditionally educated, has had a long career and gained a lot of knowledge. Between all of us, I'm certain we'll find the right tutor for you."

The swordswoman demurred, "My time is spoken for with the little ones, and then Fuuka-chan and Rei-chan. I promised to help them study, and so will have to excuse myself from further obligations."

Kodama squeezed her victim, "I'll help, and we'll drag Misato in too. Tsuru-chan is going to be working with Yang-chan, which means I have some spare time. We'll work it in with the shopping, help stop the studying from becoming oppressive."

The way his household continued to heal itself worked wonders on his heart. He was heading into battle, but his home camp would be well in hand while he was gone. His worries were founded, he knew they were, but worries were only truly a problem if he continued to avoid sharing them. Once again, someone he never expected had taught him some valid lessons, "Thanks, Minami." He gave her a quick grin, "I'm glad you're willing to help."

+++++ 15th Angel + 10: Sunday, December 4th (129)

"I am not opposed to him doing so, as today is the anniversary of her birth," Rei bathed carefully, under the watchful aid of Fuuka. "This outing is so that he may keep his word, one he gave before she completely lost control over her emotional state. I do not feel that he will enjoy it, though I know he will enjoy it less should he fail to keep his word."

The amber-eyed victim had slowly become more expressive, whenever she was alone with Rei, "I believe he is being taken advantage of, Rei-sama. His heart, as vast and wonderful as it is, will suffer for the kindness he shows to someone who only wishes to do harm to the family he has chosen."

"I do not disagree that it is ill chosen to consider her for a position in the family," the bluenette allowed her hair to be manipulated more thoroughly than she herself would have. "However, he has a history with her, or versions of her, that he does not have with any other of us. Even the sub-commander lacks the depth of bond he shares with Pilot Soryu."

"But what about you?" Fuuka, content that the job was now done properly, gently rinsed out the wash, "Do you feel you deserve to be taken on a date?"

"He will take us on one, when I am ready to be out in public and you are more firmly entrenched in his mind. Every time he walks near me, he touches me. He understands, far better than any other, that I am averse to significant public displays of affection. He and I are introverted, and we both push ourselves outwards to demonstrate that we appreciate the company and comfort of others. Left to our own devices, I do not doubt that while he and I would mate frequently at night, our days would be spent at arm's length."

A small huff of displeasure, only noted as Rei's hearing had improved with her sight's loss, preceded further efforts to properly clean her patient, "It is fortunate that he is so caring for you. You might not see the smile on his face, though the other ladies do. Your return has brought him great joy, and that has helped this house grow warmer."

"Before he leaves, I will implore him to kiss you as well. You must understand, Fuuka, he views you as a victim and he the victimizer. While you might feel that this situation is better than nearly any other imaginable, he has a breadth of experience that puts him at an advantage over you. While he slowly moves towards accepting that both of your choices were taken from you by Creation, you must accept that he moves slowly out of love for you. Were he to feel any other way, you would not have received even the minor regard he has shown." Rei felt herself an unlikely tutor in the ways of love, however she continued to push the others to allow her to handle the woman beside her for this very reason. She would be listened to as a peer, while the others would be seen as women to be served, "Do not push too hard, and continue to speak with the counselor. You may not agree with her, but your willingness shows Shinji that you are open to compromises."

+++++ 15th Angel + 10: Sunday, December 4th (129)

With breakfast served and being consumed, every Lilin in his family sitting around the table, Shinji leaned on his elbows and dove right into the important topic, "Today, while I am out with Asuka, I am not going as a man seeking another woman. I am not going as a man seeking relief, or comfort, or escape. I would much rather spend the day here, with my family, enjoying a hard won day of rest. What I am doing is keeping my word, and trying to help a young woman that desperately needs someone fighting to help her free herself from the clutches of a terrible illness. I understand, and appreciate, that none of you have _said_ anything about your worries. I am not, however, stupid enough to fail to take note of them. I love every single one of you, even you Minami, enough that I wish to be open and forthright about my intentions. If, despite all of my precautions, she ends up bound to me through some extraordinarily convoluted nonsense, I will be evacuating the Earth to go hunt down Creation so that I may present you with its skull as a trophy. If that is in any way unclear as to my intentions, I would appreciate it if someone let me know right now so that I may clarify further."

"I'm more of a spine woman," Misato half raised the hand not occupied with her spoon. "Skulls are creepy, eventually. But spines? They can make a nice windchime. Get the vertebrae all tapping into each other? Musical."

"Skull and spine, then," Shinji shared a playful grin with the lavender-haired warrior, before sobering. "Kyoko and I will be gone a while, and I might very well be home late. I'll ask that you keep contact with me to emergencies, but I'll also tell you not to spend too much time wondering if it's 'emergent'. When in doubt, shout. I'd rather be bothered than horrified that I wasn't here to handle something."

"Gee, dad," Akane acted up the part of a pre-teen, "d'ya think we could have a party while yer gone?"

He loved these women, he loved them in ways that it hurt to truly contemplate, "Miki-chan, thwack her on the head please."

"Only Miki-chan calls Shin-tan that," his Assassin teased. "And never around Rainbow."

Ritsuko rolled her eyes, "We'll be busy running study sessions anyway, Shinji. If we can manage to get into trouble introducing young minds to advanced mathematics, we were doomed from the beginning."

"Uh," Minami timidly raised her hand slightly, "I'm sorry…who's Kyoko-san?"

"Asuka-sensei's mommy," Yinghua announced, with a hint of sadness. "She died, because her husband was a bad man. She lives in Shinji now, and is much happier…even though we can't see her. Saha-chan tells us what she says, though. She's a good mommy, but she doesn't like being called that so we just call her Kyoko-nee."

 _It's easy to be a good mommy to such precious children,_ Kyoko smiled sadly from Shinji's shoulder. _If only I were alive and able to touch them, to show them how precious they are._

"Kyoko-nee says that she finds it very easy to be a good big sister to two little ladies that try so hard to be such good young women," he was in agreement that it wasn't 'punishment' that Nozomi needed, so much as discipline and direction. "I'm trying just as hard as she is to find a way for all of you to see one another. She'd love nothing more, I promise." He noticed that Yang had leaned over and was whispering to the only other woman that couldn't see the spirit, and so left that alone to proceed onwards, "Thank you, all of you, for being understanding. I know not all of you like Asuka, and I'll never ask that you force yourselves to feel anyway but what you do, but I do appreciate that you're not making my life harder by demanding I give up on someone who's fought alongside me. She may not be Damned, but she's still a fellow pilot."

+++++ Author's Notes:

TripleF:

RE: Cats and pouting.

When I was a young lad, I had four wonderful cats in the house. They were most definitely capable of pouting whenever I had to go to school for the day, as that meant their heat source and affection generator was leaving for the day.

RE: Yang's glow.

She accepted her Role. The part she's to play in Shinji's life. Like Hikari and Maya in the hospital room. Her glow is the color of her soul, of her emotions and energies exuding outwards as she revels in Creation's gift to her.

Ghost Man:

RE: Rei.

She thirsty.

Blackplant:

RE: Lilith.

There is an evil of intent, of purpose and character, that is required to be irredeemable. Some acts may require penance that outstrips the remaining years on a person's ledger to wash clean, but ultimately the very act of contrition and realizing that you must make amends is a significant step on the path to genuine progress. I've tried hard to write her with nuance, and I'm glad you appreciate that.

Huagh:

RE: Lily.

She's got a fan base, it seems.

drew6406:

RE: New Year's.

You are correct. The attack on NERV Tokyo-3 was on the change of the Gregorian Calendar, with SEELE trying to regain control of the mechanisms by which Instrumentality would be initiated. Gendo shoved his hand in Rei, Rei decided Gendo didn't deserve the keys, and she and Shinji turned everyone into Tang.

With SEELE out of the picture, mostly, and Gendo mourning his wife returning to the Lifestream (to mix analogies), any form of Instrumentality that would occur would almost have to be driven by one of the beings capable of remembering those variations of it that occurred. One of them is busy trying to keep his family safe and friend from ruining her life. Another is hunting down physical threats to the man who just gifted her with everything she'd ever wanted. Distractions keep people from noticing the light at the end of the tunnel, or at least noticing that it's coming their way far too quickly.

TheHiddenLettuce:

RE: Rei's eyes.

The tests they've run showed that it wasn't a physical ailment. (Amy talking to Misato in her office, discussing those tests they'd run and the results before switching the conversation to trying to fix Asuka.) Whatever is preventing her from seeing, it's not structural, at least according to both modern and advanced space medicine.

RE: Armisael's arrival.

Far too soon, for what she'll bring with her.


	147. Chapter 147

+++++ 15th Angel + 10: Sunday, December 4th (129)

The women of the house lined up in order from shortest to tallest, in a mocking display of military order. Starting with the two members of Team Rainbow and ending with Mikoto, he spent a few seconds reminding each that they were a necessary part of his world. Rei's promise to Fuuka had been kept, and Shinji gave the amber-eyed teen both a warm hug and a kiss just slightly away from the mouth on her dimple. It wasn't what she'd wanted, he knew, but his fellow pilot had him pegged hard. He would not continue to victimize someone, and some relationships would simply take far longer than others to reach more open displays of affection. Minami, surprised again at her inclusion, received a more chaste version of what she'd been given after midnight, and Misato broke the pattern by kissing Shinji before he could kiss her. In all, as he stepped out to prepare the next step of his plan, he could think of far, far worse ways to leave his house.

Approaching where he heard Kiyomi's song, using Bardiel's abilities to keep out of sight, he found the Commanding Officer of Alpha Company discussing supply issues with her motor sergeant. "No, I see where you're coming from. Whoever's doing this needs to be found. Thank you for asking to speak to me, Staff Sergeant. This is beyond unacceptable."

Allowing himself to materialize where the Major could see him appear, he frowned with genuine concern, "Problems?"

Maintaining her bearing, though irritated that he'd not openly approached, she tapped the clipboard her NCO was holding, "Missing parts. Someone's gone scavenging without proper authorization or documentation. Nothing explosive, but at the same point we owe the taxpayer a lot more than 'not dangerous'."

Shinji looked at the manifest, then frowned as a song began to sound discordant nearby, "To my five fifteen, who is that?"

"Not one of mine," Kiyomi kept her eyes from dwelling anywhere, and her voice low. "Staff Sergeant?"

Rotating her neck as if popping it, the NCO stole a quick look, "One of the kids from Charlie, ma'am."

"She's nervous that I'm talking to you," Shinji murmured. "Even more nervous when I look closely at the manifest." He sighed, "Because she knows who's taking the parts, and she was threatened to keep silent."

"Mind holding this sir?" Offering the clipboard with a smile, the NCO showed that her ability to restrain her anger was impressive as she sauntered off to go drag the private over for a quick talk.

Kiyomi, instead, glowered angrily off towards Charlie Company's encampment, "It never ends."

"Bad commanders create bad units, you know that as well as I do, Major." Checking down the list of missing items, he couldn't make any immediate reason for the variety, "It might not even be her fault. This could be a holdover from the previous failures. Responsibility, yes. I know. But that doesn't mean she's not trying to fix it."

Eying him hard she kept her professionalism, if barely, "Would you let me actually put my part of the conversation in words before answering me?"

"Sorry." Duly chastened, he bowed politely, "That is very rude. It's just…easier to read people, when they're someone I care about strongly enough." Standing upright, and missing the first break in her bearing as her eyes widened and a slight blush appeared, he turned to cut off an ass-chewing that wasn't truly deserved, "Staff Sergeant, she's new to the unit. She transferred in two days ago, and the NCO responsible pulled rank in a very unbecoming way. I think the Private will be glad to take this as an opportunity to learn how people who report crimes are protected in well-run units. Perhaps, as a favor to me, you can see clear to instead take her to find the lady responsible?"

"On the double, sir," the NCO saluted sharply. "Let's go Private, when the Duke Ikari asks for a favor, it's taken care of before his lips close." Taking off just shy of a dead run, the two were gone before he could correct the haste he'd intended.

"I'm going to be going on an outing, with Pilot Soryu," he exhaled. "I need two close protection teams that understand subtlety and discretion. If she finds them, it's not going to make what I'm doing easier. Four total people, trailing behind. I would prefer people who can pretend to be on dates, but I'll take what I can get on short notice."

"Eight, four of which will be fanning out ahead scouting," she countered, unwilling to take 'no' for an answer. "I'm putting two pilots in the field at once, with less than two full squads, so I'm already hanging my ass out in the breeze, sir."

Feeling that nobody was close enough to worry about them overhearing, he smiled politely, "I'd actually consider paying to see that. You have a very nice posterior, according to the lines of your uniform."

Her eyes hardened, and her jaw clenched, "You just talked yourself into twelve."

His plan was going well, so far, "So, since I paid for it, does that mean I get to see it?"

"Sixteen. Keep it up, sir."

"Done," he agreed with a nod. "Honestly, I'd expected you to demand twenty eight, so sixteen people is still me coming out ahead." He'd wanted to take sixteen, and had lowballed her hard and didn't expect her to only counter by doubling the number. He felt comfortable with sixteen, and had taken the chance to play a little. Turning the clipboard around, he handed it to her, "I think they're selling them to local street racers. All of the parts taken are the type used to resist extreme heat and friction, as exposed as they are to hostile fire."

She knew she shouldn't, but she couldn't help herself, "Come by my tent later, I'll pay the other part of the debt, _sir_." When he laughed, breaking both character and bearing, her song soared with victory, "What am I going to do with you? I told you I can't be batting my eyelashes and making kissy faces at you, and expect them to obey me. Honestly, Shinji, it's hard enough to keep the rumor mill from going into overdrive."

"How about you accept my heartfelt apology," placing his hands in his pockets, he smiled in penitence. "As terrible as that day had gone, and the day before it, I owe it to the people supporting me to give them my best and that was far from it. I am truly sorry, Major. It was unprofessional of me to allow my temper to escape my grasp, and I should not have threatened your ally. You were in the right to call me out on it."

With Misato's talk still dancing around her head, the mid-level officer took a surreptitious look around the area before lowering her voice, "Come have some of our chow with me and my kids, tomorrow. See how we eat. Show your face around the mess tent, sit at my table, let me introduce you to some of the youngest members of my Company. Then I'll consider it."

"Barring an emergency, I'll put myself at your disposal," he accepted happily. That she'd not blown up at him for 'playing', and allowed him to express some of his darker impulses safely, had earned her far more than a show dinner. "Would you prefer I come alone, or with one or two of my family?"

Her thoughts were hidden behind a stony visage, but spoke clearly through her song. She was honestly weighing his question, before deciding to be safe, "Inviting the Colonel would likely improve morale some. She's a favorite, if scuttlebutt holds true, amongst both sides of the rank and file."

His plan had worked out perfectly, "She's an inspiration, that's to be certain. I'll make sure she attends, even if I have to drag her there myself." Holding out the scrap of paper he'd written the first place he'd intended to stop upon, he allowed sincerity to show through, "I _am_ sorry, Kiyomi. I'm trying to stop reacting and start taking control back, I swear I am."

"I know you are." Checking the coordinates, she made a final statement before walking away, her hips swaying ever so slightly, "I was also serious about you stopping by my tent later."

Standing where he was, and watching a powerful, capable, woman walk away from him, Shinji began to wonder just exactly how many of his own problems were caused by his own unreasonable expectations for himself. Wrapping himself in Bardiel's cloak, and sheltering himself with Sahaquiel's shield, he set off into the sky towards an unmerciful fate. He'd played long enough…it was time to take care of business.

+++++ 15th Angel + 10: Sunday, December 4th (129)

Changing the color of his casual dress shirt to the red of Unit-02, Shinji first stopped by the woman that would have to verify that deals had been kept. Finding Temple wasn't incredibly difficult, especially since she was lingering nearby the woman he was promised to spend a day with. Noting that the door to Asuka's cell had been tinted, presumably to give her some privacy as she changed, he lowered his voice in case the microphone was on, "How's my pilot, Doc?"

The hard, battle-tested, head of the Corpsmen kept her eyes on the cell herself, "Needs decent food in her. Hydration is an issue. Medication isn't going to do much right away, so don't expect a serious change of personality even after a night of chemically-aided sleep. Stuff we're giving her isn't intended as a fast fix, it's long term, building on itself as it evens the highs and lows enough for behavioral and occupational therapy to do their work. I know you have an ear for lies, just make sure you listen to what it's hearing, sir."

"Hooah," setting one great paw on the back of her neck, he squeezed lightly in appreciation for both her honesty and unwillingness to give up on any patient, no matter how irritating. "Tell the Twins I'd like to have lunch with them, if they'd stop hiding from me whenever I'm around and not tied to an I.V. stand."

Snorting, she rapped her knuckles against his abs, "They're worried you'd like one more than the other. Their whole life they've been together, they intend to die that way. I'll tell them, though. Don't expect it would change much."

"It's the thought that counts, Doc." Stepping apart enough to bow in gratitude, he let her get a read on his face, "This isn't what they think it is. I'm fighting to get her help that she needs, and that help isn't going to be found by letting her tear apart my family with petty snipes and entrenched neuroses. If taking her on an outing to see the city gets her to take her medicine, I've lost nothing but a few hours with someone I've fought alongside."

Her eyes flicked back and forth, testing his determination and seeking to find any lies within. Satisfied after several heartbeats, she smiled tightly, "You're a good man, Paladin. But you also took in Doctor Akagi. That she's playing nicely is the only reason I haven't pressed for her to lose several licenses."

"There were reasons, both for her behavior and our decision. I'll take Asuka from here, and I will call if something goes wrong and I need medical assistance on our trip." Moving off, he approached the cell and raised his voice enough that the microphone would pick it up if it were engaged, "Everything all right, Lieutenant?"

The senior of the two agents guarding Asuka greeted him with a nod, "Right as rain, sir. We're giving her a bit of privacy while she changes for her day pass." Offering him a pair of handcuffs, she raised her eyebrow questioningly.

"I appreciate that," shaking his head, he declined. "What time is her pass up, I wouldn't want to be the reason she's punished for truancy."

It was clear that a number of people weren't fans of the idea of him spending time around someone who'd burned every bridge they'd come within five hundred kilometers of, "She's released to your flag, sir. You can keep her out until tomorrow…if you'd rather."

"She'll be home later today, then," he knew he should be a little irritated that people kept doubting him, but with the life he led it was inevitable that people would presume that any and everything he did would lead to his bedchamber. It was galling, but it wasn't without precedent.

Before he could say anything else, the speaker projected Asuka's voice out into the hallway, "I'm done changing, don't want him thinking I'm not keeping my damn word when he gets here. Go ahead and drop the tinting so you can show him how cooperative I'm being."

Now aware that she couldn't hear him, he motioned for them to stay where they were and moved to take care of the issue himself. Dropping the tint and opening the door, he attempted to set the tone for the day's events and got caught up on how attractive the young woman who kept breaking his heart was. The hesitation left no room for the confident statement he'd intended, and so he settled for, "You're usually good at keeping your word, Two. It's what you promise to do that often causes me headaches."

Her smile was knowing, well aware of how devastating her appearance was on him, "If the thought of me taking care of you is so painful, then maybe you could take care of me?" Dressed in a mint green sweater and black knee-length pencil skirt, she was the picture of reserved trouble, "Thanks for wearing what I asked for. I figured we could start the season out with proper colors, even in this heathen land."

"I'm a man of my word too." Gesturing down the corridor, he hoped that he could stay true to that statement, "Shall we?"

+++++ 15th Angel + 10: Sunday, December 4th (129)

"This would be…." Drawing out the sound as she focused on the problem before her, Minami put together the mnemonics that Misato had shown her, "Seven 'x', three 'y', twelve 'z'."

"Very good," Maya applauded quietly. "That trick works well for her, good catch on seeing what part she was struggling on."

Misato waved her hand negligibly, "She's looking like she has the same problems I did. There's a good brain in there, just needed a bit more attention from someone interested in _it_ instead of the drapery."

"Misa-nee," Sakura continued to try and meet the people of the house halfway with their preferred names, "Suzuka-nee needs some help. She's…uhm…."

"I'm coming, don't worry." The violet-haired warrior knew that her fellow combat specialist was likely dealing with Nozomi and didn't need whatever problem it was spelled out, "Let's go take care of things, so you can get back to studying calligraphy, ok?"

Watching as the two moved off, as quickly as Sakura could go, Minami's expression shifted to sympathetic pain, "It's good, I guess, that her best friend has far too much experience in dealing with the worst parts of life. It'll help Nozomi-chan as she learns how to move past seeing senpai laying on the ground with a knife in his chest." Shuddering, she looked back to Maya, "Or however you looked. They're really strong," laughing, she smiled glumly, "maybe I should start looking up to _them_."

Maya patted the young woman on the back, "In this house, we all take lessons from the others within it. I've learned a great deal about letting go and cutting loose from Kodama and Nicolette. If you decide to hang around us, don't ever be afraid of taking something from one of the other women and applying it in yourself. You'll only make us all stronger by doing so."

+++++ 15th Angel + 10: Sunday, December 4th (129)

"Thank you, ma'am," Shinji paid the street vendor with a much larger bill than necessary. "Please, keep the rest. I think you could use it to help buy that special brace your husband needs, yes?" Folding her hand around the money, he eyed her intently, "There is no shame in accepting help, your food is good, and will only be better with him walking around better able to help you."

Tugging him down to kiss his cheek, the middle-aged woman beamed a joyous smile at him, "Thank you, Your Grace. I promise, I'll make certain this goes right to the doctor's office. I'll shut down for the hour and head there right away, I will!"

Shinji smiled tolerantly, helping her drop the front panel of the market stall, "It's fortunate that everything here will keep for that long. I'm certain that nobody will touch it while you're gone, and I'll be over there for a few minutes to keep an eye on it myself." He gestured to where Asuka sat growing more irritated the longer he took and lowered his voice to not tip her off, "As you pass by the young man pretending to look at the book store, wearing the ochre shirt? Tell him that the Duke Ikari asks that he watch this stall until you return. He'll know what to do." He freed himself, turning to take the light snack that he'd been able to get his 'date' to agree to over to her, and braced himself for another displeased and irritated rant about his charitable ways.

Asuka watched the woman flee for a second before raising her eyebrow at the man she adored, "Something wrong with letting people make their own way in the world? Do you really have to help every single person you come across?"

"Yes," calmly taking the seat next to her, he offered the baked meat, "I do. I am blessed with not only the capability to assist, but the privilege to do so. There is no good to be garnered from allowing either my money or my time to sit unused in the face of suffering."

"They're not going to learn to fend for themselves, you know," a dainty bite was met with a slightly disdainful look for the food, though it didn't match the satisfaction her song spoke of for not having a hole continue to grow in her stomach. "Much like stray dogs, you're only training them to come bothering you whenever they get a hangnail."

A more appropriately sized bite of his own treat showed that his 'date' was a picky eater, in any life he'd known her in. It wasn't the best food ever, but it certainly showed signs of someone _caring_ about the preparation, which made it better, "Her husband has no ability to return to his job without an appropriately shaped brace for his knee and upper leg. The cane he uses is enough that he can walk, but working is impossible. With him assisting her, they'll be able to increase the production of their merchandise by two thirds. This food is often the only thing that the people around here ate before the accident, which meant that for now they've had to go further away from their own stores to get anything. That time away from their stalls meant more money lost for their businesses, or waspish tempers flaring as they failed to feed their hungry bellies. By helping him, I've reinvigorated this entire market area. Sometimes, Two, all people need is a little boost before they can soar on their own."

"And sometimes they need to fail to learn valuable lessons," she challenged.

He finished off his purchased snack, "Ironic." Taking note of the young private he'd pressed into guarding the market stall moving into position, Shinji stood and placed the stick in the proper receptacle, "Can you walk and eat?"

"I can even chew bubblegum." The fiery redhead eyed him with a smirk, "So, where are we going now that you are satisfied that I've got food in my hands?"

"That would be my question to you. I'm going to call a halt if I feel we need to get you food and drink, but other than that this is your birthday and we're out celebrating that." With his hands in his pockets, he shrugged indifferently, "You tell me what you want to do, I'll let you know if there's something around here that we can match it with."

+++++ 15th Angel + 10: Sunday, December 4th (129)

Hikari remained focused on the main problem, "I appreciate that you're willing to sacrifice for the rest of us, Fuuka, but he is also correct when he says that you've been a victim your whole life. Insisting that you continue to be one just so we can share our physicality with one another in the waking world is both degrading and demeaning to you. What I'm trying to help you understand is what _he_ feels. I appreciate that you would have chosen this, had you been granted a choice. You need to appreciate that he feels the lack of that choice to be the most damning part of everything for him."

"My…ability to choose…." The soft-spoken teen struggled against her conditioning, trying to speak negatively of something, "The responsibility for my lack of agency lies elsewhere, it would be…untruthful to proclaim that Shinji-sama could have acted any way but how he chose to. When I brought him the…the loathsome truth, his first reaction was to thank me. To encourage me to stand proud for allowing him to see what had been hidden from him. My fate, before my mother met him, was to be given to someone who would advance her strategic alliances. It only makes sense, then, that his journey to that establishment, where he met her, was foreordained. What I must suffer through now…does it truly compare to what I might have suffered had he chosen otherwise? To what may have happened had he and I never met, and I were given to a far lesser man?"

She took the latest immortal's hands and leaned in, trying to further the bond that all of the women in the house shared, "That doesn't mean that he then wants you to suffer through what we all felt before he 'shared' with us. You can't honestly want him to do that with you, not after only really knowing him for only a few days?"

A sudden curiosity overrode her typical restraint, "Does it become better…afterwards? Do you still feel it, when he shares with another woman?"

"It does…and yes, we do. But, what we feel is his love for us. We don't feel anything of the woman involved, only that he's expressing his emotions in a more…physical sense. Before he shares with us, we feel it far, far worse. That's why, as I said, pregnancies are on hold while we figure out how best to progress your relationship with him to a more natural state. Ethically, what happened is going to be difficult to recover from. Your agency was stripped from you before we met, yes, but that doesn't forgive what we allowed to happen in our own home."

"I wonder why that is…." The thought, there and gone before it could be elaborated upon, only led to a return to her typical poised smile, "I believe it is important that he be given children, Hikari-sama. It is the duty of those that would be his wife to gift him children to protect and cherish. If I am an impediment to that end, then it is my duty to submit to whatever is needed to remedy that condition."

Hikari, already stressed with Shinji having to deal with Asuka alone, struggled to keep steady on her temper, "Which, as we've discussed, would be tantamount to assault. You do not understand what it is you would be consenting to, which renders whatever consent you believe you are giving invalid. He feels a much different duty to you, one that doesn't involve simply taking the easiest path."

"He is a great man," Fuuka agreed with what she believed to be a compliment to Shinji. "Much better than I deserve."

"You…." Closing her eyes and sighing, she suddenly felt far closer to her husband and the frustrations he hid trying to help the helpless, "You deserve only that which you earn, the rest is either a gift or ill-luck. He wouldn't think himself a gift in this circumstance, and I hope you don't feel him ill-luck when he agrees to share. That leaves you earning him. Do you feel you've earned him?"

"If my entire life has been leading to this point," she tilted her head slightly, "then would it only make sense that all of the suffering has led to this unity with him? He is what I have dreamed of since I first read of husbands, and so I shall do whatever I must to be a gift to him, for he deserves far better than my presence in his life."

Hikari had no words, and desperately wanted to scream.

+++++ 15th Angel + 10: Sunday, December 4th (129)

Standing in the latest store that Asuka had insisted they visit, as she was in the changing room trying on the latest in a never-ending line of dresses, Shinji waited near the attendant that had once helped his wife find the beautiful candy-pink dress that she wore in a picture he still smiled every time he looked at, "No." Keeping his voice low enough that Asuka wouldn't overhear, he shook his head slowly, "I am taking her around on her birthday because she has fought by my side. She is an ally, and in some ways a friend. She is not, and I cannot stress this enough, looking for a wedding dress." His lip curled slightly, "Though, I'm hoping that sooner rather than later Yang-chan might be. I don't doubt that will be an entire Shirakami enterprise."

"I hope it's not too dishonorable of me to say that I am thrilled you aren't looking to marry this one, Your Grace," the woman's relief was nearly a physical force. "She is…rude."

The hesitation before the last word told him more than enough, "She's going through some tough times, but she's not handling the situation with grace or proper manners, I agree." Pulling out his wallet, he handed over a fairly large bill, "If you could contact Hikari Ikari, she was hoping to have a dress made of similar cloth as the one Maya purchased from here. This should be a sufficient down payment on the whole affair, yes?"

"Oh, oh I couldn't possibly," her opposition to taking his money was cut off by the door to the changing room banging open and exposing a greatly irritated redhead.

Stuffing the money into the protesting woman's hands, Shinji pocketed the rest again before moving to prevent whatever explosion was about to happen from consuming everything, "Something not fitting right, Two?"

Cerulean eyes glared at him, "I have been a thirty two for as long as I have _worn_ dresses, and every single store we have visited has their damn measurements in Japanisch, which should mean _five_. Nothing I am putting on is fitting me, and they are all _labelled_ as five!"

Guessing as to her frustration, he focused on retaining his calm, despite embarrassment for her crawling along his brain like angry spiders, "They're too large, I'm guessing?"

Her pleased smile breaking through nearly caused him whiplash, "Oh, you are such a wunderbarer Freund. Yes, they're all falling off of me. Either there have been changes in the measurement conversions, or things haven't been labelled as well as they ought to have."

 _Or, you've not been eating and your body is consuming the fat stored on your hips, chest, and waist,_ he sighed mentally. "Perhaps we should take your measurements, while we're here. The ladies here fitted Maya with that pink dress she wore for the picture hanging in my house, I'm certain they can help you."

"Or _you_ could take my measurements," she offered with a flirty twist of her shoulders. "I trust you to be honest about the numbers, meine Mausbärchen."

"Standing in a small room with a naked woman that is not my wife is not something I'm going to actively pursue," he shut the idea down hard. "We've talked about this."

Her mood swerved towards dark just as swiftly as it had towards light, "No, _you_ talked. You aren't listening to me when I speak, so why should I listen to you? You're being abused, I'm not going to willingly let it continue, and if you'd just let me show you that what I can offer is better than anything _Hikari_ could, we wouldn't be having this problem right now!"

At one point in his life, Shinji would have been mortified that someone was speaking about him like this. He'd have caved, instantly, and meekly gone in to allow her to do what she wanted to just to make it so that he wasn't in the situation any longer. _When did I actually find my spine?_ "That's one," he held up a single finger. "Let's go. We've caused the lovely ladies here enough problems for the day."

+++++ 15th Angel + 10: Sunday, December 4th (129)

"是吗? 不奇怪, 他鄙视无礼的人. 谢谢你告诉我, 让我知情, 再见." Hanging up the phone, Xuefan looked far different than the cordially polite woman she sounded like to whomever she was speaking with, and her voice soon matched the anger her face displayed, "He is spending his supposed day off escorting around this foreign pilot, who has managed to insult or demean every single shop he's taken her into. How, I ask, is this 'helping' him?"

Yang, grateful that she'd been forewarned about what was happening right now, motioned for calm, "Because it's proving to him that the woman he's defended against every single woman in the house, minus Maya, is not someone he should be encouraging further. According to Iri," she gestured to the Aspect who'd accompanied her closely since she'd accepted the post of 'Diplomat', "he's finally seeing the truth about his treatment in those other lives he's lived. About the abuse he endured. Now, to be fair to Soryu, she's unmedicated. I think he's also seeing how badly she needs the medicine, and is going to respond favorably to overtures about pushing those more aggressively." Smiling with pride, she spread her hands, "Ma, my fiancé is standing on his own right now. Iri doesn't lie, and she's said that Arael has been watching closely enough to say for certain that he's putting his foot down. He's not letting her get away with things, he's not being run over, and he's not going to tolerate it forever. This is _good_. We just need to make a bit more of a concerted effort to spend some more money in those shops, to remind them that Shinji is a good man worth following."

"Why not Maya?" There was pride in her daughter's growth, and so she wouldn't treat the woman as a child anymore, "Why isn't he defending this brat against her?"

"Because Maya's got a very soft heart, and understands the destructive nature of the problems Soryu has." The answer wasn't a secret, "Without her bond to Shinji, she might have suffered something similar. Being bound to him has a tendency to clean up people's minds, at least enough that they recognize their own problems and can attack them if they're motivated enough. I've checked the medicines Maya takes every morning, and the things they're used for lead me to believe that properly medicated? Soryu wouldn't be like this, or at least wouldn't be _so_ like this."

Glowering off towards the direction of the shops, the elder Xu drummed her fingers against the desk, "Then be about spending money. Use my account, so that he can't trace it back to you. I'll draw small reimbursements through the management funds, so that should he find out I can demonstrate that we didn't break his trust."

Yang raised her eyebrow, "I've already started spending money, using the slush fund instead of your personal account. While you were on the phone, I was ordering gifts from the stores for everyone back at the Manor, labelling each purchase as made in his name. Ma, do you really not remember everything you taught me about managing a husband? _Really_?"

Her mouth curled into a smile, "Well done…well done."

+++++ 15th Angel + 10: Sunday, December 4th (129)

Asuka was a seething ball of disgust and contempt. She knew that she was sabotaging herself, that every time she opened her mouth the wrong words came out, that there was nothing to be gained by continuing on with the farce of a date she was taking Shinji on. She knew that it wasn't his fault that her mother had become bound to him, that it wasn't his fault that any of the women had become bound to him, and it was the very loyalty he showed to them that allured her the most. He was being every centimeter the man she desperately had wanted him to be, and she had no one to blame but herself for not being the woman who'd ended up with him.

"That's wonderful," Shinji's smile was warm and open, the honesty and goodness flowing from him as he spoke to yet another woman who looked at him as if she'd live or die by that simple grace, "I'm very glad to see that you're doing well, Mariko-san. Though, I would like it if I saw a few more pictures of you and Ichigo-kun, from time to time." He gripped her shoulder gently, "Taro-san's sacrifice inspires me still, and watching his grandson grow up will keep that memory in my mind where it belongs."

Mariko reached up and laid her hand atop his, "I will. I'm very sorry, I just didn't want to seem like I was…well, I didn't want to make it seem like I was asking for more than you've already given. A job that I can be proud of, that supports me and my son? Your gifts of extra food, helping with the medical bills…you've given us a life that I thought went up in the flames of the market stall and never once asked for anything in return. I'm sorry, for thinking so little of you that I withheld something as simple as pictures out of embarrassed fear."

He laughed quietly, "Speaking more often would also make it easier to invite you to dinner sometime. I have a couple of young ladies in my house that could use the confidence boost of acting like big sisters to a young man that probably needs some support himself. More friends are always better than fewer, in this world." Asuka caught his eyes flick to hers, the admonition obvious. "Would it be permissible to give you a hug? I don't want to presume."

Her non-verbal answer was to eagerly wrap her arms around his torso, "I will never deny the man who saved my child's life a hug, Your Grace."

The pain Asuka saw in the corners of his closed eyes as he ran one hand along the woman's upper back slammed the button that would have unleashed a salvo of invectives, had Shinji not instantly opened them and speared her with a glance. Looking away, embarrassment and anger swelling further, she hated that impulse she had. She hated that she was responsible for the actions of the part of her that she couldn't control that seemed to revel in making her life miserable. Her body was a traitorous bitch, and it made her look pathetic.

Shinji let the woman move back out to arm's length, looking kindly into her eyes, "You are a strong woman, in your heart, and in your body. I have no doubt that you will continue to thrive in your life, so long as you aren't too proud to ask for help when you need it from those who aren't too stupid to withhold it. We're all in this together, and I'm honored to have you fighting with me."

Mariko laughed, glowing with confidence at his praise, "Well…maybe not the Mayor. I'm not sure who he's in this with, but he didn't seem to want to do anything, even during that interview."

"That's a fair point," pulling out his billfold again, he tugged free some money. "I'd like you to buy Ichigo-kun a few books for me, though. I'll trust you to know his reading level best, but your comment about the Mayor sparked a thought. The children that come after me need to be able to stop themselves from blathering on endlessly, trying to sound important. A strong foundation with literacy can only help with that." Mariko had caught sight of the numerical value of the money, and opened her mouth, shaking her head before he closed her hand around it. "No. I missed his birthday, because I was in training," he used the cover story for his time stuck in the visions, "this is to make up for that. Buy him some books, take the time to help him read them. When you come over for dinner, bring a few. I'd be glad to sit and listen to him read them myself." Separating, he put his hands in his pockets and bowed casually, "But I need to go. I look forward to you texting me some pictures, when you get home."

"Of course, thank you," bowing herself, the woman who'd suffered much in her life approached the rest of her day with enthusiasm and drive, the Blessing of Ikari upon her.

Shinji watched her depart, waiting for her to be beyond where she might hear him speak to Asuka, "I was hurting because I remember the grandfather having thrown himself over his grandchild to protect him. I pulled his body, pierced with metal and scorched by flames, from atop a young boy that will never forget the last few moments of the only man to ever tell him that he was a good kid…as pain, heat, and death. I was standing in the shop nearby, being treated like someone special…while Taro died because a kid shoplifted and set in motion something terrible." Swallowing back the tears, he coughed out a dry laugh, "The kid was stealing from the store because a young lady asked him to get her something she wanted, and he didn't know how to say 'No'. And I only found out about the cause because a young man who didn't stop his best friend from hurting someone precious was too weak to stand up for what's right." Turning to move on to their next destination, he shrugged, "No one can stop me from hurting, Asuka. It'd make my life easier if they just tried to help me cope after the world dropped the latest pain on me, instead."

She wanted so badly to tell him that she'd give anything to help him cope. That she was offering what she had so that he'd stay, so that he'd help _her_ cope. Her damn mind kept changing the words from comforting to sexual, from holding each other as they cried to her riding him as they fucked it away. She'd finally broken past the nonsense taboos that her father had forced on her, finally found the one man that she'd be a whore for, for the rest of her life, if he wanted her to be. As she hurried to catch up to him, Asuka hated herself all the more for not being able to just spit out the truths she saw without burdening them with belittling the women he clearly loved, even if that love was based on lies and Stockholm Syndrome.

+++++ 15th Angel + 10: Sunday, December 4th (129)

"Ok, so follow my thoughts here," Misato watched through the window as Suzuka, Minami, and Nozomi walked the grounds outside, speaking quietly to one another. "He can hear our thoughts now, at least the surface level ones that this song he hears gives. So, if what you're describing is accurate, why can't he hear Asuka's thoughts?"

Maya rocked her hand back and forth, "That's only kind of how it works. If I was where Asuka was, untethered to his soul, and unmedicated, he'd hear a confusing tangle of noises. Six different statements all flowing together, with only the loudest likely to be audible. Considering my negative thoughts really overwhelm me at times, and that's with proper medication and his love sheltering me, I don't doubt that most of what Shinji hears are the things that she'd least want him to. The anger, the hatred, the lust, all of those primal emotions would drown out the thing that he knows is there…the need for help."

She felt some small relief from her worry as 'the new girl' scooped a suddenly giggling Nozomi from the ground holding her up in the air before letting the small child climb onto her back, "Damn. I was hoping that he might have been hiding something from us while he thought about it. I guess that's why he was so short with her, when you gave her the meds. He's being bombarded by her base desires, and his typical reaction to any form of overt sexuality is to abort and run away."

"Used to be," Maya agreed. "Anymore, he's calming down a great deal about it. There've been so many changes lately, it's hard to keep track of what's improvement and what's something forcing change into his being. If he were any other man…."

"You and I would have been married and living in sin as we found common ground, despite being a very odd couple," Misato reached over and pulled her friend and partner into a side hug. "I respect the hell out of you, Maya-bear. Vicious in defense of your family, relentless in pursuit of the truth behind the veil, and a really solid grip when you hold a pair of tits that just makes a girl go 'Nnf'."

A small smile followed a blush, "If I'd never met him, or if he'd been anyone but who he is, I'd have lost out on a lot, Misa-chan. Hikari, Rits, you, Suzuka, Kodama…. Did you know that he's never once slept with Rose?" She caught the sudden jolt of shock through the physical contact she had with the bombshell sub-commander, "I know, right? They've been moving towards it so slowly, and with this trial apparently taking twelve thousand years it's unlikely that they're going to any time soon. I mean, she's shown me a good several evenings worth of enjoyment, but never the two of them."

"Maybe…we could ask her to come down and talk," she began to strategize for fun as the trio outside paused with an odd look on their faces. "One thing leads to another, we get her involved, send a message to Shinji showing him the three of us being indecent…he comes home…we all have a lot of fun…."

"Tempting." The Lieutenant Colonel sighed in relief as Suzuka laughed at something that was said between the two younger ladies. "Very, very tempting."

+++++ 15th Angel + 10: Sunday, December 4th (129)

"I'm just saying that you aren't focused on me!" Asuka stamped her foot, leaning in despite not lowering her volume, "Every time someone so much as stubs their toe, you're stopping to help them!"

After the past few days, there was something about the way she was yelling at him that just didn't reach him. It wasn't that he was wholly unconcerned, but he'd warned her that he had obligations that did not stop just because he was out with someone that was a friend. Minami, as self-centered as she had seemed at first, had done more to fight for women that might very well argue against her than Asuka had for the women that had attempted to bring her closer, "Two, if I was out with my wives, I would stop. If I was out by myself, I would stop. If I was out with Rainbow, I would stop. When I see someone who needs help, it is my duty to help them. I've done what I can to make those stops short, and been rather rude twice in cutting things as short as I have. If I wouldn't do it for my wives-"

"Yes, yes, yes," waving that entire line of thinking away, she tried a new angle, "but it isn't their _birthday_ every day!"

Once more, his hands strayed to his pockets as he calmly asked something that would tell him a great deal about who he was dealing with, "Would you put your own happiness over the livelihood of another? If you hadn't attempted to assault the Sub-Commander, you would be free to enjoy your own paycheck, your dorm room, your life. You've received offers from three different departments to keep you employed while we're-"

"I'm in jail because I'm threatening her cock permissions," Asuka scoffed.

Irritation bloomed that he'd failed to get through to her, "Answer the question, if you would." He repeated it when she seemed dubious, "Would you put your own happiness over the livelihood of another?"

"Of course I would," she scoffed. "What are they going to do for me, huh? I don't see any of them bending over backwards to help me with anything. None of them were champing at the bit to save me from hostile gunfire, or from piloting against the Angels. None of them spoke up about you being abused, or taken advantage of!" Jabbing her finger at him, she glowered as her voice climbed higher, "That woman from earlier, the one that gave you a hug? She just wants to lure you in to take care of another man's kid! You won't so much as let me hold your arm anymore, but you let her drape herself all over you like a cheap suit! She's nothing but a-"

He held up two fingers and cut her off hard, "That's two." Turning, he moved to walk out of the store they'd been standing inside, with an apologetic look to the clerk he announced grimly, "Let's go."

+++++ 15th Angel + 10: Sunday, December 4th (129)

"It's all about memorization," Nicolette carefully guided Rei through a simple box step. "You have a great deal of natural grace, and if we use that to help you learn how to rely on your other senses, you'll begin to be able to move about without needing to rely on our holding your hand."

"Not," Akane insisted quickly, "that we're going to abandon you at any point. But we're looking at this from a safety standpoint. Something goes down, and you need to unass the AO, we'd rather you not have to grope so blindly."

"I appreciate that you are expressing your affection for my presence in the manner that is most suited to your personalities. Safety is at the heart of what you believe most important, and so my safety has become a matter of importance." The bluenette's lips lifted ever so slightly in a smile, "It is a great deal less uncomfortable for me than what the man we all love is forced to deal with today."

Akane snorted, "Bah, I've got confidence he'll handle it. We can't treat him with kid gloves, and he seemed pretty confident today when he talked to us at breakfast. Had that fire in his eyes he gets when he's about to tear an Angel in half."

"I don't like that he's being forced to deal with it either," Nicki agreed with Rei. "But it has to be dealt with, or it will just hang over everything he does. Saving Pilot Soryu from herself…we just have to agree to not let it become his White Whale." She paused, "That's a-"

"He is not Captain Ahab," Rei understood the reference. "He also has a far better support system in place, including those who will pull him from the rudder by force, should such be necessary." Completing the thirtieth repetition without stumbling, she allowed a small smile to become larger, "I am grateful that you are willing to give me your time, Agent. Repetition and practice are essential to optimal performance of any task, and I am growing in confidence that I understand what my body is telling me now."

The former pageant winner patted her student on the shoulder, "Great! Let's change up the dance, then. I've got a few more hours, and I don't mind at all spending them helping you out, Rei. I _would_ take it as a kindness if you'd use my name, though. I'm your friend, and friends use names."

+++++ 15th Angel + 10: Sunday, December 4th (129)

It had been a hard day on Shinji, and it was only the middle of the afternoon. Everywhere he took her, she seemed to focus on the situation around them instead of on the fact that he was showing her the path forward. That any life that included him in it would be surrounded by people who needed his help. His time, his attention, his motivation. He was, for millions of light-millennia in any direction, the most powerful being in existence. If he became selfish…. He knew he couldn't find the right words to use, he knew that they were stuck behind too many years of drama that every single Asuka seemed to thrive upon. The truth, as painful as it was to accept, was that he desired her. She was, in many ways, perfectly crafted for him. Her flaming hair lit up the room, her eyes were bright and powerful, her hips were curved and expressive, and she was forever willing to just direct him wherever she needed him to go. There would be no more thinking, no more worry about what he might do. He would do what she wanted him to…and that was why it would never work.

Sitting in the restaurant and struggling to focus on her attempts at conversation while her song screamed in confused anger, he wondered how anyone possibly survived with the kind of illnesses that she was suffering through. The terrifying truth followed not long after, that many…didn't. He knew that he wasn't necessarily being the best date himself, but the longer he was exposed to her the more he compared everything she was doing to the things that those he lived with did. Asuka's topics of conversation either revolved around herself, or around what she and he could or should be doing. Even Mikoto, as laconic as she was, could draw different topics from thin air to engage with him. Her sense of fashion was good, but rather than comment on ways to improve what others wore, like Yang did, she would compare others in a way that derided them. It reminded him of the movie he watched on the date where Minami had been dragged into their lives by him, and how the main character couldn't find common ground with the women he was paired with by the angel's phone. _I wonder how much of what was 'good' in Asuka was Eve holding the wheel steady._ Unaware that he suddenly frowned, he pondered the corollary, _How much of what was 'bad' in Eve…was Asuka throwing her off her game?_

"You see? You agree," slapping the table, Asuka misread the expression as one of concurrence instead of introspection. "They just don't want to consider the possibility that you are just as much a victim of this as they are. If they push you into living this life, then they're justified in just drifting along with the process as well."

Chastising himself for losing focus, he shook his head slowly, "I've brought that point to their attention myself. I have offered to explore means of letting them leave. Means of reducing the pull of the bonds between us. They have refused, and I will not continue to doubt either their honesty or their dedication. They have spent a great deal of effort making what we have work, and it would be needlessly cruel of me to continue to doubt them in the face of that effort."

"Then why did you just agree with me?" She gestured to his mouth, "You frowned when I pointed it out. Have you not been listening to me?" Her brow knit, "What, am I boring you?"

"I was thinking about Eve, and the effect she had on you," he decided quickly that honesty was not a sometimes virtue, and that being clear with Asuka was his only path to success. "The woman that I met on the Fleet, the woman that tried to make friends with my then girlfriend, the woman that slapped me down when I tried to act like I normally did, that wasn't entirely you. It was a combination of the shard, Eve, and you." Setting down his utensils, he set his hands on his lap and settled back against his seat, "When you are stable, Asuka, you can be a great deal of fun to be around. If you were stable…things might have gone differently against Arael. You might have already been a part of my soul, because you _might_ have dedicated yourself to working within the system in place instead of railing against it as unfair."

She rolled her eyes, "It _is_ unfair, though."

One eyebrow raised slightly, "Though, you think it's most unfair _to you_."

Her glare turned flat, "That my _mother_ stole the only man to treat me like a human instead of a chance at 'exotic' ass? That my Eva and I aren't going to work because she jumped on the first dick to swing past? That all of my sacrifices get thrown out the window because you're too nice to say 'No'?" Stabbing her food hard, her voice lowered dangerously, "You and I would have met, as we did. We would have bonded as teammates. As allies. I would have shown you love unlike any you had ever known, and it was all taken away because a selfish little girl wanted to add a man into her dreamhouse fuck factory."

He'd put up with a lot on his date, but the one line he'd tried very hard to draw clearly was crossed yet again, "And that's three." Allowing the façade of niceness to fall by the wayside, he brought his heavy guns to bear, "Do you _really_ think that you're the only woman I've said 'No' to? Are you honestly that conceited that you believe yourself to be irreplaceable? Do you think that I'm spending all of this time with you because I regret not being able to do more?" Tilting his head slightly, he looked on her with pity, "Asuka, you're not even the woman I regret losing out on the most. I can think of six off the top of my head that hurt far worse than you do. Each far more willing to pull the trigger on doing what's _right_ , rather than doing what's _fun_. Each suffering just as much as you, and bellyaching far, far less about it." An idea struck him suddenly, "In fact. Let's go. I'll introduce you to a few of them."

+++++ 15th Angel + 10: Sunday, December 4th (129)

 _He has reached his limit, it seems_ , Ramiel informed Suzuka, his quiet presence by her side increasingly uneasy with how angered Shinji was becoming on the excursion he was undergoing. _According to my sister, he is headed once more towards the quintet of my distant relatives. Though to what purpose, I am unaware._

The elegant swordswoman smiled confidently, _I would presume that it is to educate the young woman as to her place in the pecking order. He has already declared that he will not bend his knee to those who have an interest in making him subservient. He has shown that he will not even bend his knee to_ me _, and I carry his children. Perhaps he seeks to simply kill two birds with a single stone, and make peace with those he does love while reminding one he would love were she to get out of her own way that his love is not intended for any one person alone._

The very concept seemed offensive to the octahedron, _The Great One's love is intended for all! He must be free to share it evenly, or else the loathing he feels for himself and expresses through us would become poison. A vile destruction that would ravage not only his spirit, but the fabric of Creation itself! He would become a monster, a scourge upon all!_

Applauding with the little ones as Tsuru and Hikari finished their latest practice of the song Shinji had written, Israfel Alpha providing the piano accompaniment, Suzuka simply shrugged, _Which is why it does not concern me that he has become angry right now. He_ should _be angry that she continues to rail against what he has decided despite all he has expressed. He is fighting to convince someone to accept help, help that might someday allow them the privilege they seek. Some fights may be won with love, with understanding. Perhaps instead he has simply decided that to subsume the blazing inferno that this child has surrounded herself with, he must use a bigger, stronger, fire. His hate is nothing I would deign to court, and woe betide the person who willingly encourages it in him._

+++++ 15th Angel + 10: Sunday, December 4th (129)

At the base of the hill, his destination awaiting above, he paused long enough to inform the Lieutenant in charge of his coterie of guards that they should not pursue further. Motioning him over, he spoke in no uncertain terms, "Anything that attacks me up there will die. I will not hesitate, I will not deviate, I will eliminate it. This hill, of any on this planet, I hold most sacred. Those who would violate this shrine will unleash a storm that your weapons could not hope to touch. Hold this position, I will return to check in with you before I leave. Send anyone up top for anything short of an Angel attacking or an assault on the Manor, and I will consider it a dereliction of your duty. I will report my decision to Major Honda, as I expect you to as well. I do not hold you in contempt for doing so, and thank you for your discretion today."

The good Lieutenant, a man with an unfortunate face that seemed perpetually shocked by everything, nodded in understanding and showed that his personality was a far cry removed from his appearance, "Roger that, sir. If you don't mind, I'll send some folks to scout around the base for other access points. Won't go more than a quarter up the hillside, just to make sure we're covering our bases, hooah?"

"Hooah," _I am not a tyrant, I'm not_. "Let's go, Two." Grabbing her arm and hauling her up the stairs, he continued his trend of not giving her an option as to where they went. During their walk to the hill, he'd tired of her yelling at him and had chosen to simply gag her mouth to muffle the sounds of discontent. When it had been exposed that they had been followed by military, he had ignored her shock, just as he had been disappointed that she'd been so unaware as to not notice them at all. When she'd chosen to stop walking cooperatively, he simply threw her over his shoulder. She had chosen to act like a toddler, and so she would be treated as such. _She hasn't chosen…. I need to understand, she has not chosen this. She_ can't _choose. This isn't her. It's…it's the disease._

Reaching the top of the hill, he spied no motion. Either the priests were busy, or elsewhere for the moment. Moving on to the rear of the temple, he felt the energy he was searching for and prayed to the spirits around him that he could find a balance. The graves remained as motionless as the temple itself, without signs of anything out of the ordinary. For a terrible moment he dreaded what his decision might have cost him, before drawing his resolve back around him. _I do not matter. My wants, my needs, are nothing but dust. I am an instrument through which all reality might be free to choose their own paths, and if I can't subordinate what I desire than I am nothing but a hypocrite bullying Asuka._

He was gentle, setting her down, yet he kept the gag in place. Remaining on his feet, though his body screamed at him to fall to his knees in pursuit of the peace that servitude would bring, he finally spoke aloud, "Your Highness, My Ladies…can we not speak as equals? Must I supplicate myself to you before I am gifted even your presence? You tell me that I know you, that I know your goals of peace and prosperity for all. Do you honestly doubt _me_? Am I so untrustworthy that you need to hold my leash before you feel safe around me?"

Kicking him in the shin, Asuka glared at him and pointed at the gag. Hurt, confusion, but mostly anger dominated her face as she gestured to the graves and spread her hands expectantly. When the cloth faded from existence, she spat out harshly, "Are we talking to dead people now? Shinji, I can't see anyone! Why am I even here?"

"Because he feels that you might better understand from someone denied a part of his soul what it is that he is going through," appearing amidst a brief flash of a storm cloud, Makoto Kino stood staring, unimpressed, at the woman that had tormented the man she loved in more than one life. "Because, despite him deserving far better than an impetuous, childish, nuisance…he still tries to help you, because he's a good man."

Shinji held his hand between the two women, and directed his words first to Asuka, "I will gag you again, if I must. You are here to learn." Turning to face the protector of Jupiter, he softened his tone out of respect, "Please, I know you are eloquent enough to avoid demeaning her. I'm grateful that you came, but I'd really rather this not just become one of our traditional yelling matches. Because I'll win this one."

"I can scream pretty loud, Shinji dear," Minako Aino appeared with a cloud of iron dust. "I do remember one or two lives where you put that to rather… _interesting_ uses." Tapping her knuckles against Makoto's abs, she smirked at her sometimes friend, sometimes irritant, "I couldn't let you face this alone. She's pissed, but he's not wrong."

Asuka looked between the two women, "Shinji…who…?"

He took the chance to formally introduce everyone, "Doctor Langley Soryu, I am pleased to introduce you to two women whom I love _dearly_. On our left, Makoto Kino, a woman who has fought, and died, with me more than once over all of the lives I have lived. She has saved my life, when I was betrayed by a mind-controlled friend. Caught me as I fell from the top of Tokyo Tower after being stabbed with a broom handle."

"You _would_ choose that memory to focus on," Makoto sighed. "I meant what I said back then…senpai. I'm not going to let you face oblivion alone, even if you make idiotic decisions from time to time."

His heart hurt at the honesty her song roared with, "To her left, our right, is Minako Aino. A woman who, in just as many lives as her dear friend, stood between me and a world that wanted my head. Demanded that none would touch her husband, and punished any who thought her little more than a pretty face and lovely voice."

"Pretty?" Minako scoffed, " _Pretty_? Please," rolling her eyes, she flipped her hand towards Jupiter, " _she_ is pretty. I'm _gorgeous_." Winking with a smile at Shinji, she stood confidently, "Though I'll agree about the lovely voice part, thank you."

Asuka's eyes grew wider as she considered the graves, the markers, and the fact that both women were floating above the ground, "They…are they…."

He nodded, "Dead. Murdered, by someone who was intent on destroying the world. He was stopped, at the cost of their lives. There are others, who are currently very hurt that I have chosen the path I'm on. These women, again, in more than one life have fought against universe ending threats. They have fought to preserve peace and tranquility for Earth, and for all the good peoples of the universe. I threatened them with destruction, should they attempt to control me again."

"She never controlled you, you jerk," Makoto growled at him. "We… _encouraged_ you, at best. There were times where you were so afraid you couldn't think straight, all because your father set you to living most of your life with that horrid man. Usagi would just…urge you to hold firm. She can be persuasive, sure, but she never turned you into a puppet!"

"Was I free to choose my own path?" Shinji looked between them, knowing the answer, "Or was my path chosen for me, because the choice I would make was not the one she wanted made?"

"It was the _right_ choice," Minako looked away. "We were better off with your help. We didn't _need_ it, sure…but it was always better to have you around. Even when all you could do was cook a good meal and patch up our wounds."

His eyes moved back to Asuka, "I would give anything to have them in my life again. Anything, that is, except allow all of Creation to fall under the rule of any one being." His voice couldn't hide his pain any longer, "Even one as beautiful inside as Princess Serenity." Swallowing, he looked away from everyone, "I will not allow my powers to be used by anyone else. _Anyone_."

Asuka touched his arm, "I'm not trying to use your powers, though. I don't care what you can do! I just don't want you to be hurt anymore, you dork."

"That's not what your thoughts say," the voice of Ami Mizuno arrived before the shower of mist evaporated into her form. "From what I hear, there's a great deal you want. Him, all to yourself. Him, serving your every whim. Him, worshipping you. You want his wives dead. Your mother banished beyond his reach. You want the world to burn to ash so that the two of you can live forever with the peace of solitude. So that-"

She lunged forward, "Get out of my head, you b-"

Catching her easily, Shinji restrained Asuka with a firm hand as his anger tried to subsume his sorrow, "Two, all you'd do is damage the grave markers with your face. They're _ghosts_. As corporeal as they choose to be." Pushing her back, he held up another gag, "Last warning, I will truss you up if I have to but you _will_ learn to control yourself."

"Kinda surprised you're out here, Ami-chan," Minako smirked at the least aggressive member of the five Sailors. "Not like you to risk her anger."

"I'm hoping that he's here for something more than introducing the class…." Trailing off, she looked down and reconsidered her words, "None of us have been very diplomatic. Perhaps he's not wrong to worry, with how we ganged up on his wives for hurting him."

"Us against them," Makoto laced her fingers behind her head, "that's how it always was. Not the greatest way to try and make new friends. 'Hard to shake hands with a closed fist', as the Westerners say."

Minako spread her hands and shrugged, "Might have helped if they didn't keep kicking the man I love in the place he uses to love me."

Ami coughed as a memory of her own fun rolled across her mind, "As I was saying, I hope that he's here for something more than introducing _her_ to us. She never cared for us, and always made fun of me. Whatever it is he's here for, I thought I'd ask him outright…Shin-kun?"

"I'm here to show her that she is not the only woman I have said 'No' to. To explain to her that she is not the 'best', because such a creature doesn't fucking well exist!" Fighting back his anger and frustration, he willed a chair into existence behind Asuka and set her in it, "Sit still or I swear I will tie you to it upside down." He matched his fellow pilot glare for glare, "Try me, Two. Three times today, you were speaking terribly of someone I care for deeply. Three times today, you tried to show me you loved me by tearing down someone I love. So now, you're going to sit there and listen or I am going to remove what protections I give you and let them declare you incompetent. You will be classified as a permanent prisoner of the UN Armed Forces, subject to far tighter restrictions than you have now. You will face a trial, which you will lose, for those crimes you have committed. If you _ever_ see the outside of a cell, it will be as you are old and grey."

The fiery pilot's voice was pure frost, "You wouldn't dare."

"Try me." Dropping the gag in her lap, he stood up straight, "I have been doing _everything_ I can to help you. I have fought to find services that will allow you to thrive, despite your bipolar disorder. To find ways around the UN to get you counseling, medication, and help. Now, I am showing you the depth of my determination. These three women," he gestured to Makoto, Minako, and Ami, "have held a place in my heart that precious few could ever touch. Their betrayal…much like Hikari's, was intended to _help_. I would go to war against them in an _instant_ if they threatened my wives the way you have."

"She threatened…." Ami was aghast, "We would never-"

Makoto cut in, "But didn't we? That's why he got angry, after all. We were sitting here badmouthing them, saying that they were all treating him terribly. We let our own biases run right over our brains, something that _someone_ gets on me about doing all the time. So when that elder being told him about the telepathy, he jumped right to the conclusion he reached. A conclusion that wasn't far from the mark."

"We did not threaten them," Minako declared firmly. "Would we take him away from them? Yes. If they were abusing him to the degree that we believed they were, without question. We are not going to sit back and let our man suffer! But hurt them? Never." She pointed dead at his nose, "You know that all we would have done was keep you here, insist that they come find you. Then we'd give them a piece of our mind. You are precious, Shinji, to all of us. We will fight for you, but you have to know we would never hurt women that didn't start a physical confrontation. We're, well we were, all very powerful fighters. We could seriously hurt normal humans with a casual backhand."

"That," Shinji kept his gaze on Asuka, gesturing to the trio, "right there. They understand the obligations they have as warriors. They understand that they can't just use their power to get whatever they want. You want to know why I would rate them as a greater loss? Because they would have given my family every chance to work with them, even if they were upset at how I was supposedly being treated. Because despite my having to threaten war, they still seek peace. Because I can trust them to keep their damn word more often than not when I ask them to take their damn medications!"

Makoto coughed uncomfortably, "I…just tended to forget the vitamin. I didn't mean to, senpai."

"Pre-natal care is important, Makoto-chan," Ami agreed with Shinji in regard to the importance of medicines. "He had every right to be cross with you for forgetting to properly care for the child you two created."

His eyes trailed back to the trio, "She remembered, more often than not. She did not, however, fight against taking the medications. She disagreed they were necessary, but when they were prescribed by a doctor," he looked specifically to Ami, "who she trusted," then back to Makoto, "she took them." Finally, his eyes returned to Asuka, "Because, and I'm quoting her word for word, 'I love you, you massive jerk'."

"He was pretty big, where it counted," Minako giggled.

Noting Shinji's eyes roll up in exasperation, Asuka struck again, "Why do you let her flirt, then? Why does she get to make off-color jokes and you're fine. But I do it, and you jump on me?"

"I was talking about his heart," the once and future idol scoffed. "Most of my double entendre are innocent. I say those things because it amuses him, and reminds him that I love _all_ of him. If I wanted him in my bed, all I had to do was shake my hip a little, and crook a finger. If he wasn't able to, I'd blow him a kiss and accept that he had things to do. I'm forward, dear, I'm not a harpy."

"Don't change the topic," Shinji set his foot down. "I trust them to do what's best for _us_. Because with them, it was always a sextet. Five women, and me. Not necessarily in a relationship like you just automatically thought of, either. I spent whole lives with only one of them, in marriage. The other four were our best friends. Our biggest cheerleaders. The ones we went to when we were having marriage troubles. When things seemed dark."

"I wanted him so badly," Ami pouted. "But Makoto-chan got to him first. When he was afraid she was cheating on him with her supervisor, when she was putting distance between them because she thought he hated her, I could have come between them easily."

Minako snorted, "If by 'easily' you mean 'clumsily', sure. We don't do that, though." She pulled her slightly shorter bluenette friend into a hug, "Because despite our nonsense fights, we're better than that."

"Trust," Makoto agreed. "It is not a sometimes thing. If I couldn't have trusted them…how could I have trusted him?"

He shoved his hands in his pockets, "I willingly gave this up, Asuka. When I realized that what I had might be exploited, I gave them up. For my wives, for those in my soul, I gave them up." His head tilted slightly, "Why on Earth would I give up everything I just paid through my eyes for, for you to destroy everything I was trying to save?" He hated himself, but he had to make things clear, "Do you truly, in your heart, believe that you are more important than all of Creation? They don't think they are. I know I'm not. Every woman in my house, I would sacrifice them all if it meant saving everything. I'd likely kill myself afterwards, but if it meant countless living beings breathing free air? Having the ability to make their own decisions? My world is a small price to pay."

"We will not allow you to sacrifice yourself, my secret love," a new voice, that of a Princess who knew far more than she let on, spoke softly into the pause. "Though it would tear Our heart apart to take your will from you…We would dedicate all of Our power to stopping you from doing so."

Asuka's mouth was locked tight, unable to free the logjam of words that had finally managed to silence her. Standing before her, radiating an intense power even in death, was the essence of physical and spiritual perfection. More beautiful than anything she'd ever laid eyes on, with long blonde twin tails and crystal clear blue eyes, she felt like a gangly mess in comparison. She hated every last millimeter of that perfect bitch's existence for the way that Shinji seemed nearly unable to stop himself from genuflecting.

"That would not be a fight I would be pleased with winning, Your Highness." Shinji struggled to remain as he had been, his words casual, hands where they were, his mouth neutrally balanced. "It would be a dark, dark day for all of us."

Stepping closer, demonstrating with actions that he did not need to come to her as a servant to feel her grace, the Princess of the Moon laid her hands on his ribs, "You would lose, Your Grace. We are not in the habit of allowing good and steady men to die needlessly, when they may yet be saved." Floating upwards, she paused with a scant centimeter between their noses, "We would ask for a boon, and to have the chance at reparations."

His eyes narrowed, "You never ask for favors."

"A Princess may be indebted to none, lest Her people suffer for Her impatient greed." Her tone was even, and unrushed, "Will you agree to hear Our request?"

"…Later. I'm making a point to Asuka, right now. I can't be a hypocrite, Your Highness, nobody trusts those who are." _I can be strong. I can do this. I_ must _do this._

A gentle smile touched her lips, before her lips touched his, _You could never be a hypocrite, my ill-fated love. A little confused, perhaps, but never one to act other than as you must…it's the only reason I'm risking everything._ Separating slowly, she descended back to her friends, "By way of apology. We may have allowed Our temper to outpace Our wisdom, embarrassing you in front of your loved ones, the other day."

"Happens to the best of us, I hear." Taking his eyes from one of the few women he'd ever felt to be without flaw, he returned to the very flawed woman he'd brought with him, "Do you see, now? I will not compromise who I am, anymore. I am too dangerous, too destructive, to allow my own petty desires to rule me. I cannot float from whim to whim, anymore. And so I will tell you the same thing I told them: I will not put anyone before all of Creation. Even if that means I must rule in Hel to do so."

"He worded it a bit differently," Ami sighed, "but that was his intent."

Asuka's hopes crumbled around her, turning to noxious ash as she took the measure of the shining beacon of hope before her, "You might have told me that before I asked you out on a date. Would have saved me some embarrassment when you shot me down in front of your _secret lovers_." If she was going to burn, she would make sure everything else did too, "I guess they don't really care about how you make promises to fight for someone only to-"

Willing a gag into her mouth, he sighed, "Two…I promised I would do whatever I could to help you. You were never going to find help in my bed. I'm not going to let you poison the well here. I'm not going to give up on helping you, either. The lesson you should take from all of this is not 'There will never be a place for you', it's 'What we want, and what we get, aren't always the same thing'. Your mother exists as an inseparable part of my being. If you think I am the kind of man that would cast her into oblivion just to bring someone else in? You really never did understand me." _Ireul_.

The Aspect of Terror, having patiently waited with Kyoko as things became less controlled, appeared from nothing, accompanied by the wailing screams of countless beings, "Yes, my love?"

Bending to kiss his favored heir of Adam, he took great comfort in how willing she was to return that show of affection, "Please go ask the Lieutenant to send four ladies to me, here. I believe it is time that my guest returns to her cell."

"Of course." Turning to consider the four Sailors, she smiled mysteriously and inclined her head as if speaking to those her junior before departing to be about her task, "Ladies."

+++++ 15th Angel + 10: Sunday, December 4th (129)

"He's sent her back to the brig," Misato reported. "Looks like I won the bet, the outing didn't last six hours." Blowing out a heavy breath, exasperated and frustrated, she scrubbed her fingers through her hair, "Temple's on standby. What's the call, Maya? You're her care manager. Do we pull the trigger on declaring her incompetent, or do you think you can still pull this out?"

Lieutenant Colonel Ikari was a woman that refused to admit defeat, anymore. She had faced horrors beyond description, she had survived two different lives, she was married to people that made her look drab and plain, and she still came out on top every time. Until she had no more options, she would fight on, "I'm going in to talk to her. Whatever she did that pissed him off this badly, maybe I can turn it into a reason to take the meds. It's worth a shot."

The lavender haired warrior had expected the response, and already had plans in motion, "Akane, Nicki, you're on her six. She may not need to breathe anymore, but she can still get her eyes gouged out." Holding up a finger to silence Maya's rebuttal, she shook the digit slowly, "No. You've made the tactical call. Strategy is my purview. I'll let you extend yourself beyond the wire, but you're doing so by _my_ rules. A good General doesn't risk one of their best pieces without proper precautions. And Shinji's General wouldn't be worth her big girl panties if she made stupid decisions with his favorites." Glowing with the ultramarine of the seas she once remembered, she clapped her hands to urge the others to act, "Come on, it's…. Oh."

It was Hikari's turn to clap, though happily, "Doesn't it feel amazing? It's like you can feel everything wonderful about life all at once." Approaching Misato and pulling her into a hug, she exuded the pure joy she'd felt as her own acceptance had taken hold of her life, "We're coming closer and closer to all of us embracing our Roles."

"Heh, 'big girl panties'," Akane rolled her eyes as she urged Maya onward. "Two thousand Yen says she's wearing a thong."

+++++ Author's Notes:

Blackplant: RE: The Future.

It is an interesting thought experiment to consider. Especially knowing what I know about the introduction of various 'alien' concepts and technology.

TripleF: RE: Rei.

We're lucky that she still sees as much as she does, considering the wisdom she can bring to the group.

origamishishou:

RE: Blindsight. 

She had no pupilar response when Ritsuko shone her red penlight in her eyes, so that's a no.

RE: Hume's on first.

But where are the Hyur?


	148. Chapter 148

+++++ 15th Angel + 10: Sunday, December 4th (129)

Shinji sat with Kyoko on his lap, the woman being comforted by Ireul, having had asked Usagi for time to soothe the mother of the young woman who'd just been hauled away by four very irritated Soldiers. While her tears were not inconsolable, they were still overwhelming the spirit as she wept against his shoulder. Her tone was nearly dead, _There…there was nothing to do._

"There is, but it can't be done by Shinji, my dearest friend," Ireul continued to soothe the woman's back. "He is not wrong, in that as a Lilin, pure and whole, she is better served by medications intended for your former species. While Shinji's love might have healed her mind and body, over the course of thousands of years, the chances of her accepting any Role that she would be cast into are so slim to be negligible. You have embraced your part, thrived within it. She is not so inclined. Her mind shrieks invectives, pulls counter to her will, which works against her body. With so much going wrong all at once, more time would be spent reducing or preventing the damage she did than accomplishing anything meaningful."

He hated himself for doing what he must, for playing his final card, "If she can't, or won't, take that medication now, of her own free will…I have nothing else I can think of. If hating me will help her get better to spite me, then that is a far better life for her to live than loving me and tearing our world down to the ground. I was never, _ever_ , going to give you up. Any of you." Tucking her in tighter, he smiled sadly, "You're mine, Kyoko Ikari. Forever and ever."

"With Her Grace's permission," Princess Serenity had approached quietly, "I would offer her Our words of comfort, as slim as they may be for a mother who grieves for the tragic pains of her daughter."

Swallowing bitter tears, the woman in question laughed dryly, _I was no mother, child. That is what hurts me the most. My chance to help her learn better coping mechanisms was stolen with my sanity, my body, and my life._

"Yet, you act as a mother should. You do not lose the title, despite your kingdom being ripped from your hands." Perching herself on a cushion of thin air beside Shinji, she sat primly and confidently, "We lost Our kingdom, betrayed from within. You, also, lost your kingdom, betrayed by that vile man. A mother you were, and a mother you remain, so long as you love your daughter as deeply as you do."

Blue eyes flared with pain, _Then I should accept banishment, and let her-_

"My soul, my choice," Shinji asserted without hesitation. "If you choose to accept oblivion, that will not lead to me bringing her in. I do not see her playing nicely with Tsuru, or Yang. She might eventually reach stasis with Hikari, because my wife has decided that she is now in charge and Asuka will occasionally back down when confronted with a superior predator. Misato, Ritsuko, Suzuka, and Akane wouldn't put up with her nonsense, but it'd be constant rolling brawls. Kelly, Mikoto, and Kodama would ignore her and ostracize her. Maya would do everything she could to help, but she'd be overwhelmed and lose out on any time to spend with Rose, or Hikari, to say nothing of me. And most recently, can you imagine what Asuka would do to poor Fuuka? Her world has already been upended violently, do we want to add a mentally and emotionally imbalanced teenager into a situation with her? This is _not_ about you, or what you've done. As wonderful as you are, you're not my _whole_ world."

"Well spoken, Your Grace," Usagi gripped his elbow with a comforting squeeze. "A ruler must first and foremost look to their people's safety as a group. Without them, they have nothing."

Ireul turned her eye to Shinji, "Perhaps, though, we might seek something of a trade."

"I'm almost positive I was speaking clearly when I said I'm not bringing her in like this," Shinji frowned.

"My distant relatives," the Aspect of Terror gestured to those Sailors present, "have asked for a boon. I believe I have some idea of what that might be. In exchange for opening negotiations, perhaps they could be convinced to help teach our dear Kyoko how they become more tangible, more corporeal?"

Kyoko blinked away tears, looking between Ireul and Usagi, _I…they're not…._ Wiping her eyes with the heels of her hands, she sighed, _We're different species, I apologize if that's rude, child._

Princess Serenity smiled in understanding, "Our differences should never be such a hurdle that we fail to even attempt to meet halfway. We would be overjoyed to teach you what we can, in exchange for consideration of Our proposition?"

"That's Kyoko's decision. If she wants this, I'll listen to anything you ask. _Listen_ ," he stressed. "That costs me nothing but time." The bundle of life and love he held beheld the bundle of life and love smiling on her patiently, and he saw the merest of nods. Enough assent that he could proceed, "Ok, then. I'm guessing Ami-chan is going to hold a study session again while you and I talk?"

"Lady Mizuno," Usagi turned to the trio of friends, who had been whispering amongst themselves, "would you kindly show Our good friend, the Duchess Ikari, how We manifest more tangibly? We will be having private discussions with His Grace regarding Our…hopes." Pausing, she turned back to face Shinji and Kyoko, "Our understanding is correct, that you both consider yourselves as husband and wife?"

 _He's mine,_ Kyoko's hand tightened around the fistful of shirt she held. _I took his name; we're as married as a dead woman and…whatever he is can be._

"How wonderful," Usagi beamed. "Love, such as you hold for each other, must always be nurtured."

"Uhm…ma'am?" Ami presented herself quietly, "If you don't mind, we'll go over here to the graveside. I can ask Minako and Makoto to help me demonstrate, and explain what we're doing as we're doing it."

"Iri," freeing one hand, he took the Aspect's, "if you could help her too? There may be some things that need your perspective. If they can do this, then this whole day won't have been nothing but pain." Narrowing his thoughts to her alone, he added, _She can hold Yinghua, and Nozomi. That would be beneficial to all three of them._

"Of course." Ireul, the picture of grace and decorum, sent Shinji a quick picture of the two of them engaged in what he would understand to be her price for leaving him alone at the moment. It wasn't anything unmanageable, and she knew he'd enjoy it.

+++++ 15th Angel + 10: Sunday, December 4th (129)

"Each life was less sane than the last," Rei concluded, having shared what she could of Shinji's time with Asuka to Fuuka, Yang, and Tsuru. "She has forever been tied to his own mental health. Degrading him, or pushing him to new heights, but always under her own terms. His views on her are complex, tied to a sense of worthlessness that is given meaning when she praises him. Her views on him, are limited to this life. I would say she views him as a chance at happiness, to the detriment of everything else he might attempt to do."

Yang was slowly brushing Fuuka's hair, more to keep herself busy than out of any real need, "She doesn't make it easy to feel sympathetic, does she?"

Remaining motionless, other than her mouth, Fuuka disagreed, "The malady this poor woman suffers from seems like it should inspire more sympathy than less. Whereas Rei-sama was forbidden from expressing her emotions, and Tsuru-sama chooses to keep her emotions close to her vest, and Kodama-sama chooses to live her life with her emotions out on display for everyone to enjoy, it seems that Shinji-sama's friend cannot choose to turn her emotions towards less…discourteous ends."

"The lack of control was something that Maya stressed," Tsuru agreed. "That when she exploded at us the night we tried to include her in our day-to-day lives like we are with Minami-chan, it was due to her bipolar not allowing her to walk a balanced path. Everything is either the best or the worst. Evil or good. Her…or everyone else."

Rei approved of Tsuru's choice of words, "It is very binary, by its nature. With medication, time, and therapy, she will come to see that there is more to life than she can see right now. The dim voice in the back of her mind will gain ground, the loud roars will dull, but she will never be free of them. That, of all we have spoken of, is why Shinji has made the decision he has. Uncontrolled, unconstrained, she is an engine of chaos. A whirlwind of pain and misery for all that she comes near. Medicated, she is still an unexploded landmine that is one misstep away from ruining both her life, and the lives of everyone around her. Is it unfair? There is an argument to be made for that. However, life has hardly been fair to those sitting in this room, either."

"Don't include me in that," Yang chuckled. "My parents love me. Comforted me. Struggled to raise me right despite my tendency to make wild choices just to see what happens. I'm getting married to the first man I can truly call a boyfriend, surrounded by talented women who are going to be a load of fun to spend time with, and will be forever young and beautiful. My life is phenomenal, Rei-chan. It's _more_ than fair."

"I do look forward to spending more time around others my own age," Fuuka smiled pleasantly. "I should like to believe that of any in this room, life has been the least fair to our dear Rei-sama. As few complaints as we have heard from her, however, it would be easy to forget that she has lost her sight."

Tsuru shifted where she was sitting to plop next to Rei and hug her from the side, "We'll figure out a way to fix it. We've got forever, and we're a bunch of intelligent, competent, women. If anyone can find a way to reverse this, it's us!"

Cautiously placing her fingers over one of Tsuru's hands, the bluenette gave a rare honest smile, "I thank you. I cannot deny that it would be pleasant to see again."

+++++ 15th Angel + 10: Sunday, December 4th (129)

"So…my guess is that when…if, I guess, I ever speak to her again," Shinji glanced over to the one grave that remained unrepresented, "it's going to involve a not insignificant amount of pain." While he didn't want to live his life with nothing but regrets hanging from him, the loss of even a friendship with Rei Hino rated in his mind as something that would dig at his soul for as long as he lived. "I do what I must. No one else will…or can." Turning back to the woman beside him, he shoved that pain in a jar to be dealt with later, "I won't talk to you as a Duke, Your Highness. That's not who I am…around friends."

"Yet you must, Your Grace," there was equal hurt barely hidden in her gaze. "Our Kingdom will not seek an accord with a man, no matter how well known to the Crown. We must meet as peers, or not at all." _Please, Shinji. I'm reaching out for you, can't you stretch just a little? For me?_

His chair shifted from the simple rope he'd taken to making, to a throne of solid ice. Ornate, thick, and imposing, it lifted him higher from the ground and forced her to look up to see him, "Fine. If this is what everyone expects of the Duke Ikari, then so be it." Settling his ankle on his knee, and leaning slightly to the side, his elbow on the armrest and his cheek on his fist, he raised one eyebrow, "Your Highness has come to ask a boon of Us, and to seek reparations. Our patience wears thin, so on with it."

Lowering herself to stand on the ground before him, her clothes now the traditional state robes her mother had once worn in the royal hall before she was destroyed in the coup that took her kingdom, Princess Serenity lifted her chin with the pride she had in her good name, "As Your Grace knows, We are a Princess with no lands. Our ancestral home was founded…on the ruins of another civilization. In an effort to watch over mankind, to protect those known as the Lilin from the depredations of Lilith, or Adam, We chose Our place where no harm would come to any as they grew to find their own home in the galaxy." She wasn't without pity for his situation, but time was running short, "We have lost Our lands through the actions of one you claim as equal to you. Without declaration of war, or announcement of hostilities, Lilith purged Our lands. Does she, or does she not, shelter under your hand?"

He blinked, taken aback. She wasn't wrong, in that as the one Lilith had pledged a form of servitude towards he was responsible for her actions, both past and future. What she did, was nearly done with his own hand. It was why he had been so hesitant to include her, "She does. As much as Lily would shelter anywhere. She's recently given life back to another, Rei Ayanami, and so has weakened slightly from the experience of splitting her power." He realized that meant she was weaker than he was now, "You're not wrong. Her lands are now a part of what We lay claim to. The ruins of the Moon Kingdom…belong to Us." He wasn't prepared for Usagi to smile victoriously.

"Then We demand you shelter those you have displaced by your actions. There may be no reconstitution of Our ancestral lands, and so We require protection from those who would seek to do Us harm." Her gaze turned meaningful, "You well know We are hunted by powerful enemies, from time to time. You know what damage would be done to the surrounding areas, as one of them sought Our spirits. By electing to shelter Us, you provide protection for those who presently shelter beneath your hand."

His posture shifted, setting both feet firmly on the dais, and he leaned forward so that his elbows rested on his knees, "You're…not wrong. Galaxia would be…an interesting fight, but the collateral damage wouldn't be containable. Chaos itself would seek you out, especially as weakened…no offense intended."

She inclined her head politely, "I take none, Your Grace. Death has a way of limiting Us."

"I… _We_ can't move your graves, though." The problem she placed before him wasn't something he could remain angry at her for, she was simply insisting he act as the man he was. This was what a landed noble was required to do, accept responsibility and protect those they protected. Princess Serenity herself was responsible for her ladies in waiting, and everything she did was intended to make certain that if they must die, they died for a good enough cause. "It would destroy Hino-san's heart. How do We protect you, from this far away? Even flying, too much damage could be done before We take the field. Set up a shield?" He shook the idea off, "No…there's no way to be clear about who can and…can't…." A terrifying idea struck him, "If they were armed with the Spear…." _Lily, get here now._

Landing by his side an instant later, the Matron of Night frowned at Usagi, "Why are you…oh, that's a comforting thought." Grimacing, she showed her own concern, "I don't know, Lover. She could be anywhere. You're not wrong in believing that a straight-up fight between you two likely wouldn't end well for her, but if she was armed with even a small fragment of the Key, that's a much different battle. You, me… _Eve_ , as much as I'm loathe to admit she might be useful, any of your Aspects. Whatever Tabris did to it, we now have an enormous disadvantage waiting to be exploited. Suzuka, as dear as she is, can't draw on your abilities. Rose and her kind are powerful, but a fully powered parasite is-"

Princess Serenity growled angrily, "We are _not_ parasites!"

"Stop." A cutting motion with his hand accompanied his declaration, "Both of you. Lily, We asked you here because We can not leave those you displaced adrift. They will be hunted on Our lands. Can you think of anything that might help?"

"We already have an idea, Your Grace," Usagi glowered at Lily who was, in turn, unamused in the extreme. Turning back to him, and steadying herself before smiling gently, she offered him everything, "A marriage of alliance, between Our house and your own."

Shinji's mind slammed to a halt, not having expected this in any conceivable set of circumstances, "You…you what?"

"No," Lilith waved off the idea. "No, no, and no. No, five times. No." Turning to face Shinji completely, standing between him and the Princess, she laid her case out quickly, "How could it possibly serve balance at all to add five more of _his_ kind, when you don't even have an equal amount of Lilin for those you've already gathered? The women already in your house aren't yet accepting of their Roles, we can't go adding Little Miss Perfect and her Backup Dancers into the house, it will stunt your wives growth!"

"Or, We might aid them in growing more complete." Princess Serenity was not going to cede the floor willingly, and took one step up to stand on equal ground with Lilith, forcing her to either step to the side to accommodate her or force a physical confrontation, "Your Grace knows fully well that We have much We could offer in an alliance, how useful We may be in war."

"We know that you are dead," Shinji was still caught on the concept of marrying someone he'd threatened to kill if necessary. "Going to be a little hard to fight Our enemies like that, I should think."

Arael, landing on the arm of his throne, stamped her foot to gain better traction on the ice, _I died, before being reborn in your soul. As has all of my kin to meet you in combat. Have we been so useless?_

Lilith ground her teeth together, "Arael, dear, sweetie, you impertinent little feathered-"

"Lily, We are losing Our patience," Shinji cut in hard. "We love you; We would hope that after recent events you would understand that, and realize Our love for you will not be lessened if this is a tenable situation. More importantly, if you start acting like Asuka, We will treat you like Asuka…are We understood?"

"Shinji, they are _his_ kind! I tolerate Eve because she is necessary to control Tabris. Your [Song] and I will _never_ see eye to eye. Your Aspects…are a case by case issue. Each one of _them_ you add takes you further from _me_. We are already at an imbalance, and now you want to drop five living weapons on the heavier side of the scales!" The Matron of Night shook her head slowly, "How is that fair to me?"

 _He will add sufficient Lilin to balance the scales, then._ Arael hopped onto Shinji's lap, then over to the other armrest to preen her feathers while standing on his wrist, _He will agree to seek them out, more proactively, so that there is a more immediate return to balance._

"I'm no…. _We_ , and We hate speaking like this, are not going to just add women at random. If there is anything Asuka was right about, it's that this is my _soul_ , not a train station." Shifting his arm so that he brought Arael up to look him in the eye, he raised one eyebrow to drive his point home, "We have to love them, or be capable of loving them. We owe _them_ no less than that dignity."

"His Grace is wise," Usagi intoned sincerely. "Your…consort, raises a valid point as well. Balance must be found, or We will be playing directly into Chaos' hands. We would…foreswear all claims to the Crystal Throne," she felt Shinji's body tighten, "entrusting it forevermore to your care. To serve as co-equal to those you deem worthy, in whatever capacity you ask Us to serve within."

Parts of his mind screamed at him to seek out advice. To push the decision off to a plurality, instead of accepting the offer. To force others to deal with the matter…to forever hide behind someone else's skirts. "And Endymion?" He accepted, a long time hence, that he wasn't the person that she was meant for, that those lives where he was gifted her time and love were fleeting and intended as much to comfort her as anything else.

"He no longer exists," she seemed confused, "We destroyed his corrupted spirit, to give him peace in death." Gesturing to Lilith, she kept her eyes on him, "He exists as a part of her now, forever. _He_ was a Lilin, of Earth." Understanding blossomed, and she let her eyes drop as her lips curled into a rueful grin, "We are offering Our love, Your Grace, whole and entire. _Forevermore_."

"I…can't return my entire heart," the irony and tragedy of that statement slapped him hard.

She allowed the slip to go unnoticed, buoyed by the fact that he was both honest and pained, "We understand. We…look forward to learning more of those We must share your greatness with. To have earned such dedication from you, they must be phenomenal women in their own right."

"…The very best." His jaw clenched, "Arael, what is your honest opinion?"

 _The strategic advantage of including powerful allies is obvious, Wanderer. Should they swear, in your soul, to fight for your interests for all time? What worry need you have of the defense of those who cannot fight for themselves? A rearguard of these five would ensure that the tragedy of the Advisor's near demise would not repeat itself. Your Desert Rose has capable fighters, with destructive weaponry, and it would still take a press of numbers to overwhelm even one of these five when properly motivated._ The White Raven turned to consider Usagi, _Would you swear, as his Weapon once did?_

"We would," her blonde tails bobbed with her firm nod. "…Ladies must be strong, to protect the men they love."

Shinji wanted to cry, hearing her admit her love once more, "We belong to no one, Your Highness. Do you understand that if necessary, We _will_ have to fight against those that might believe their cause righteous and just? That the good of all of Creation has to come before any one being…even Us."

"We have waited for a very long time to hear you say just those words," her smile was the sun rising. "To no longer hear you afraid…or thinking of running away. To hear you act as the man We knew you capable of being."

For that smile alone, he would have bonded her to his soul. "Lily…what is your honest qualm about this?" Looking at the Matron of Night, with a great deal of calm restored in his heart at Usagi's declaration, he pressed onwards, "Because if it is fear of being replaced, We will take you into Our soul right now and swear not to. We are tied together, now. We are not 'sometimes' lovers. If anyone attempts to take you from Us, they'll find the price is far more than they bargained for."

"We would fight to protect her as well," Princess Serenity agreed, her eyes downcast. "A team is only as strong as its weakest bond, and We would not wish to be the link that broke…destroying everything."

Lily scowled at Usagi for a moment, before looking Shinji in the eyes, "You swear to me, in front of her, that you will never forsake me."

He met her with a steady gaze, "So long as you remain faithful to your word, We will hold to Ours. Our Lily doesn't get to leave Us that easily. You have a deep debt to pay, Lilith of Eden, and We will not see you released from it cheaply."

Holding his gaze, and taking his measure, she ground her teeth before turning to Usagi and leaning in slightly, "Trust is earned, little rabbit. I don't expect to have yours, so don't expect to have mine. I _will_ be keeping an eye on you five."

"And ten shall be observing you as well. Our lands were stolen by your impertinence…but We will not forsake anyone. Even you." Drawing herself regally up, she hoped that Shinji was still amenable to the boon she was planning on asking for, now that she believed the reparations were nearly there, "We offer Ourselves, and Our-"

Shinji held up a hand swiftly cutting her off, "No."

For the first time in longer than she cared to think about, Usagi Tsukino was terrified that she'd been played. "Shin…Your Grace? We…had believed…."

"They will ask, of their own free will." Lowering that hand slowly, he looked her dead in the eye, "And they will ask _Shinji_ , not the Duke Ikari. You, Your Highness, We will accept must approach Us as the Princess of the Moon Kingdom. Your people deserve no less than a ruler who would do whatever she must to protect their interests." Lifting one finger to vaguely gesture to the graves, he shook his head, "They are not princesses. They are, and have always been, ladies in waiting. If they don't want this, Shinji Ikari will not force them into it."

Arael coughed quietly, _Irrational_.

 _Shut it, you._ He frowned playfully down at the Adamite, _Love is not a rational thing, and of any gift I could possibly offer them, the right to refuse being forced into this rates the highest._ He lifted his smile back up to Usagi, _You have my terms, Usagi-chan. We've taken care of the niceties. If they want this, they have to make that clear themselves._

Princess Serenity's eyes drifted closed, the emotional namesake receiving a dire test as she realized exactly how stubborn a man the world had created. _You and I are going to talk later, Shin-Shin. You are_ going _to make this up to me._ "We ask your leave, so that We may speak with Our friends."

Dismissing the throne, Shinji landed on his feet while balancing the White Raven carefully, "Of course." Walking off a few paces, to give them more privacy even as Kyoko continued her lessons with Ami, he lowered his voice, "I _despise_ this. All of it." Settling Arael on Lilith's shoulder, he shoved his hands in his pockets, "I can't even begin to tell you the number of times that they saved my life. That they saved _Asuka's_ life. Yet here I am, treating them like supplicants, accepting their surrender, and marrying them as a diplomatic move instead of giving them the life they deserve." Glaring up at the sky, he felt his anger pulsate slowly, "I understand that she's striking while I'm standing here. That she's trying desperately to salvage a situation she saw falling apart. _I_ chose to come here…and I did it to get through to Asuka."

"If this didn't make things clearer for her, I'm not sure what would," Lily agreed quietly. "As much as I hate admitting any of these…women…might be of help, it looks like Kyoko is making progress in becoming more tangible. This was a good decision, Lover. Even if I disagree with allowing them to enlist."

Reaching over blindly, he cupped her cheek without turning to face her and murmured, "I love you. No qualifiers, no conditions. We are finally actual partners, Lily, and life can't take that joy from my heart." A small smile touched his lips as he felt her hand press against his, begging him to keep the limb in place. The day had been confused, but he'd made progress on several important situations. Including, as much as he hated it, towards becoming the man his loves deserved.

+++++ 15th Angel + 10: Sunday, December 4th (129)

"There are so many things wrong with what you are proposing that I am honestly at a loss as to how to begin to enumerate them," Gretchen von Ortenburg, the powerful and driven Secretary for Evangelion Affairs, couldn't keep her confusion and irritation from showing. "Shinji Ikari barely tolerates knowing that he is a Duke. He has been immensely helpful in allowing what he has to become public knowledge, and has served as an example that is without peer. People, worldwide, are learning what the new world may very well look like by watching him act with grace, dignity, and honesty."

The Secretary General, feeling every hour of his advanced age, reached over and gently patted his good friend's hand, "Gretchen, we are living in a world where sacrifices have become mandatory. I am asking you to go, because he responded well to your presence. The reports I read, from both consulates, indicated that you earned a smile that none of them could. This meeting must occur, he must be urged to set global peace over his own desires to remain as he is. If accepting this is too much for him, I trust you to find a path he can walk that leads him where he must go."

Her heart hurt at what was being demanded of a man that had already given so much, "He is seventeen!"

"And immortal," he disagreed. "He will grow into the role, with proper guidance. The drumbeat for him to do this grows each day. That…odd lull the other day, where it seems everyone realized how terrible life used to be? That was the final call to arms for those few leaders we can trust without reservation. Either we accept his grace and protection, or our world will remain beyond hope. Help me set him up for success, child. You've prepared for this moment for decades, you've seen what horrors lie behind holy wars, you know that balance is a better path than domination. His Holiness has sent His Eminence, and I am sending you. Please."

"If he declines sovereignty, if he appeals to the government of Japan for protection," she rolled the hand that wasn't being pinned by a long friendship, "I won't stop him. You know that. He deserves to make his own decisions, he's fought and bled for others to have that same right!"

"And if he accepts, and nations flock to his banner, he will need guidance. He will need people who have no interest in ruling, for there will be nations that demand he marry one of their own in an effort to secure a say in the direction of the world. We must set protections out, and those protections start with good-hearted allies who will help him navigate treacherous waters." Drawing another deep, tiring breath, he smiled weakly, "We have failed to save the world from itself. We enabled and emboldened terrible men and women who wanted to rule over humanity with cruelty and spite. We were gifted another chance by some providence that is beyond my understanding…help me. Help _him_."

+++++ 15th Angel + 10: Sunday, December 4th (129)

"It's…odd." Kyoko flexed her hand, "I can feel the air. I can speak. But, it's like a memory of both."

While Shinji could hear her voice, he had to agree that it was very weak in comparison to how he heard her in his soul, "It's progress, though! I mean…I can always see you, so I'm not sure how tangibly visible you are, but I can hear you out loud." Rubbing her shoulder, he gave her his best smile, "Just imagine how happy Nozomi-chan and Yinghua-chan are going to be! They'll finally get to see Kyoko-nee."

Her smile bloomed, then died, in back to back heartbeats, "I…will be able to see Asuka."

"When you're ready." He agreed with the fear she felt, "When _she_ is calmer. Pushing that reunion right now is only asking for heartache, for both of you. I don't agree with her, you did not steal me from her, so you get that thought out of your head. You are my _wife_ , not some mattress I use for comfort when my rage overwhelms me." Dropping to one knee, so that he was eye to eye with her, he took both of her shoulders in his grip, "You know I'm serious when I say that."

"He _what?!_ " Minako's voice carried over to where they'd been standing, causing all five residents of Ikari Manor to look over.

Ireul snorted a laugh, "It's surprising that they expected anything else from you. For women that claim to have spent entire lifetimes with you, they lack some pretty basic understandings of your personality, my love." The one-eyed Aspect hugged Kyoko from behind, "What are your thoughts on this, my sister? His heart is boundless, and they are valuable allies. But he chooses without placing this before the entire Manor. Is this progress, or folly?"

"Little of column 'A', little of column 'B'." The scientist knew she was being distracted from the changed situation with her daughter, and she appreciated the woman doing so, "He knows that his decision here will be supported, especially in light of their unique abilities. Asking would be a formality, for nearly all of the women in his household. Those few that might protest, would do so because they feared creating an imbalance. But, and I say this as his wife, it's never a wise idea to spring potentially unwanted surprises on those you love. If he handles it properly, when we get home, then there should be no permanent damage done."

The blonde Protector of Venus came storming over, pushing him upright and glaring up at him with determination and fire, "You had better say 'Yes', Shinji Ikari. I may joke around, have a good laugh with you about our history, but if you think you can walk away from an opportunity to tie yourself to me forever then you are going-"

"Are you going to ask me, or just harangue me until I leave again?" He was not going to be bulled over, not even by the women he loved. He would treat them with respect, he would venerate them as the goddesses they were, but he was done allowing them to set the terms of every engagement, "Because _asking_ is what this is, Minako. I have given you the right to ask me, of whatever free will you may have. But _I_ have the right to say 'No'. I am a living being, with thoughts, hopes, and dreams. If my life is required to win, I'll go to that death willingly. But nothing says I have to tie my soul to someone who is going to demand that I kowtow to her every whim."

Frowning harder, she planted her fists on her hips, "I want forever. What is stopping you from letting me give it to you?"

He smirked, in the unusual position of advantage, "Right now, or in the long run?"

"Don't you get smart with me buster," holding her finger level with his nose, she leaned in. "You know I want this. You know I've wanted this since the time you and I nearly froze to death in the arctic! Why aren't you…doing whatever it is you do that ties us together?"

"Because you haven't asked me," he repeated calmly.

Clenching her fists tighter, she whispered hotly, "You are supposed to ask the girl, you big dummy! We'll talk rings later, but at least give me this much."

 _It's a fair point, dear,_ Kyoko sent the thought to him. _Some ladies prefer a more traditional presentation, even if it's little more than a pleasant fiction. She wants this, you can't deny she wants this. What would it hurt to allow her to hear the words, hmm?_

"If I ask you, will you accept that you are a part of a team? That I won't put up with petty, fractious, nonsense?" Tossing his thumb in the direction Asuka had been hauled off in, he raised his eyebrow, "I've already told one young woman that I would not put up with this. You're joining up with more than a man, Minako Aino. You're joining a family."

Her eyes became hurt, "You know I will. I may pretend to be petty, and I may enjoy how good I look, but have you ever doubted where my loyalties would fall when the chips are down?" Folding both hands into a single fist, the first hint of nervousness grew in her tone, "If I give my word, I keep it. I'll do what I can to get along with the others, Shinji…but I won't let them abuse you either. I can't promise we won't fight, we're human! But I can promise that I'll apologize when I'm wrong, and that I'll accept their apologies when they're wrong."

Of that, he had no doubts. "Minako Aino, will you help me defend the love I have for those bound to my soul? Will you stand with me, against any who would think to control all of Creation? Will you tie your soul to mine, and spend the rest of time as a part of something greater than either of us?" Pausing, he offered both of his hands to her, "Will you marry me?"

Forgoing his hands, she leapt up to wrap her arms around his neck and kiss him thoroughly. As far as answers went, it was more enthusiastic than any 'Yes' he might have thought to receive.

+++++ 15th Angel + 10: Sunday, December 4th (129)

"It's not good," Idunn grimaced. "This entire chain of events is one long corruption marathon." Propped up by the head of her bed, with a wide array of tubes connected to her, she continued to dig through the events she'd missed with regards to the UNIGC efforts, "This, Jorth, this is why I said 'No'. Could I control myself? Probably. I know the darkness is there, I know that the things that I want to do to him are terrible. I…would hope that I am strong enough to not become what I was conditioned to be. But take a look at how many people have jockeyed for a chance to tie themselves to him for horrible ends. He _needs_ an independent inspector. Someone who isn't ethically compromised from the outset!"

The pregnant priestess, upset that she wasn't with her husband but understanding that the man trusted precious few people with his sister, bounced her foot as she read over those reports that her sister-in-law shared, "The screening system that those…businessfolks set up seemed to be working. Why didn't the UNIGC catch them, though?"

"That's my question! General Benoit damn well taught me better than this, and despite my being INCAP he had more than enough people to maintain a better barrier than this. There's no doubt in my mind that whatever investigations he was running were challenging, but if they were so challenging that he allowed essentially contractors to handle the pre-screens? He needed to retire then and there." The redhead, seemingly livelier, set aside another report, "I'd report this, but I'm still waiting on that briefing I was supposed to get from the new Secretary."

Jorth's grunt of irritation doubled as an indication she had been listening. Several newspapers she'd read that morning gave a much clearer idea of why the Secretary for Evangelion Affairs was running late, as the woman had been announced as speaking to an emergency session of the reformed Security Council. There was a great deal of rumor and innuendo about the topic, ranging from the announcement of Shinji as the reincarnation of Jesus Christ to the announcement of Shinji as the Emperor of Mankind. As she munched on a cracker, she picked up the next in a long list of problematic papers and began to read.

"Did…did you speak to Shinji?" The same question had been asked several times, picking at a thread that she couldn't leave alone, "I won't be mad. He's someone you and my idiot brother feel is family…I just want to know."

"I spoke no words to the man before I left. I gave you my word, and I kept my word." Frowning at the possibility that Shinji was being targeted by a rather notorious criminal family from Lithuania, she looked up enough to stress the point, "You insisted my brother call in that promise, Idi. If you want me to call him for you, I will. Stop asking the same question and spit out what you want to know."

"That…being," setting down the report she'd just picked up, "the one who brought him back through time? Was…was she serious?"

Closing her eyes and praying for strength, the holy woman ground out, "He will wait for you. If you called him _today_ and asked him to fly you back to Japan, he would do so with his own money. If you would pick up your phone and text him, he would eagerly respond. He enjoyed your company, you daft git. But he also meant it when he told me that he wanted you to have _the choice_. So you need to spend less time asking what _he_ wants, and more time thinking about what _you_ want. Because I'm no mind reader, and can only say what I've said fifty times already!"

"…Tomorrow." Returning to her reading, she frowned at the topic, "I'll…I'll consider texting him tomorrow."

+++++ 15th Angel + 10: Sunday, December 4th (129)

Shinji, standing as alone as he could be with Ami Mizuno, remained quiet as the brilliant and deep thinking short beauty considered the situation. He'd laid out what had to happen, what he'd intended to do, and what he was running against. He'd shared the list of women with a claim to part of him, and how they all interacted with each other. How, despite him being the only male, he was the person least likely to end up sleeping in a bed with anyone. Every ounce of data he could impart, he did. And now, he waited for her to make a decision.

"I…don't like it," the dark bluenette shook her head slowly, her eyes still focused inwards. "A being more powerful than Chaos? Capable of remaking everything? Why would it choose to focus all of its efforts onto one, single, man? Even one as exceptional as you are." Without moving her eyes, she poked him in the gut, "You hush. You are exceptional. You always have been, and I won't hear of you degrading yourself."

Keeping his silence, his lips curled slightly upwards. When she was like this, the Sailor responsible for Mercury could be mistaken for an android. Everything based on logic, even romance and love. It made it so simple to love her, because there was no possibility of a lie in her mind. Lies were pollution, noise to be eliminated, and so when she made up that beautiful mind she had…it was made firmly.

"I didn't get to go first, again. I guess I'm just forever doomed by my name to come second." Sighing, she finally looked up at him, "The only way to protect you is to accept your bond. I won't let you be hurt, not by Chaos, not by Creation, and not by anyone from Earth or beyond. Please…would you-"

Holding out his hand, he offered the object he'd created while she was pondering the best course to take. Seated in a small box of hardened velvet, on a bed of the softest snow, was a ring of permanently frozen water with a core of liquid sapphire and mercury, "Ami Mizuno…would you marry me?"

Tears formed in her eyes as she reached up to touch the ring, "It's…warm. How is it so warm?"

"I know a guy, he's pretty handy with various liquids." Gently taking her hand, he moved to place the ring on her finger, "I'm not even going to begin to attempt to explain the science he's used here, but what we have is a band of warm frozen water, hollowed out to allow both liquid mercury and sapphires to mingle with each other. How he balanced the temperatures so that the whole thing doesn't incinerate us all, I don't know. He promises, though, that it will remain stable even if something explodes near it." With the ring firmly in place, he shrugged, "You're the first, of you five, to receive a ring…this time. I know that-"

It was his turn to be cut off, another determined young woman accepting his proposition with a physical display of affirmation.

+++++ 15th Angel + 10: Sunday, December 4th (129)

"She took it," Temple reported, with more than a hint of worry. "Offered her arm, refused to so much as look at me or answer my questions, but she offered her arm. I took that as consent, and proceeded with medication. Whatever happened, and it's not my place to pry or worry over, I'd say she's in shock."

Maya and Ritsuko looked in the cell at the slumbering pilot slash doctor, each wondering what had happened in her mind during the ride home. The field report said that she had to be bodily hauled off the hill, and since nobody was violent about it, there were no signs of trauma or abuse to indicate anything but basic rough handling. Without swelling or bruising to go by, the only answer left was that she'd collapsed into introspection at some point and dissociated further, the farther she'd gone from Shinji.

"I don't like this, Rits," Lieutenant Colonel Ikari murmured. "If she's shut everything out, we're not going to know how the medicine is interacting with her, or if it's doing anything at all."

The former blonde, caring only so far as Maya or Shinji did, shrugged, "Observation protocols. Hourly check-in by medical personnel, if she wakes up have them attempt a standard interview. If she starts speaking again, this was just a bad reaction to being shot down. If she doesn't, we start to worry." Accepting the raised eyebrow she was gifted from her lover as a rebuke, she returned the gesture, "She is, and I'm being very scientific when I say this, a bundle of untreated crazy. If we jump at every drastic change and treat it as the collapse of mankind, we're going to live here. She's safe, she's medicated, and she's eaten something. Let's let her sleep, see what the observation tells us, and try not to overreact ourselves."

The senior corpsman agreed, begrudgingly, "It's a solid plan, ma'am. Diagnosis is a bit unorthodox, but it's not far off the mark. We'll keep her safe, and keep you up to speed. You're not going to get anything from her right now, and standing around here worrying is just going to land you in a bed under my care."

"Hint, hint, Maya," Ritsuko massaged the shorter woman's neck. "I promise, I'll come right back here with you whenever we need. No bitching, no complaining, as long as needed to make sure she's ok."

Akane and Nicolette came back into the hallway, the senior of the two frowning as she approached, "Nothing. Everyone had the same story, couldn't explain why but suddenly she just…curled in on herself. They didn't delay in getting her here, and they made certain to contact Chief Temple. Can't fault them for what they did, ma'am, because securing the prisoner and ensuring she got help were both happening at the same locale."

"Can we take a look at the lab results?" Maya wanted to be certain, to be able to report to Shinji that she'd tried everything, "The preliminary results should be in by now, right?"

"If it'll help you sleep, ma'am." Temple shrugged, turning and moving off towards the area of the complex that her team had moved into, "Maybe while you're there, you can help me convince Rina and Hina to talk to Paladin. He's asked them to dinner, but they don't want to be rude to all of you."

+++++ 15th Angel + 10: Sunday, December 4th (129)

"Let's be honest with each other, like we always are," Makoto Kino bounced her fist off his arm, in a display of friendly comradeship. "You made the decision you made, because you are a walking, breathing, weapon of mass destruction. If you allow yourself to align with anyone, you're giving them access to the trigger. However, you didn't trust _Usagi_ , of all people, to not misuse galactic-level powers. That's dumb, senpai. She's probably the only person, other than you, that _should_ be trusted with that kind of ugly."

"That's part of it, I agree," he agreed easily. "The other part, however, is that she fully intended to rule the universe. Benevolently, sure, but still a ruler. If someone opposes her rule, she would summon me to fight. Nothing, that I am aware of, could stand against me toe to toe without access to the Spear. If Creation has set me up to be this powerful, and if Usagi-chan was constantly stopping me from progressing to wherever Creation wanted me to be, it would set up stronger and stronger enemies to either force me to leave…or push me where it wanted me. It's better, in the long run, that I just remain what I am, a 'Wanderer'. No real home, no place for everyone to attack. Moving about Creation, solving problems."

There was a sudden worry in her eyes, "We're…not going to be taking any airplanes anywhere, are we?"

"Not likely," making a comforting gesture, he tried to pacify her anxieties regarding the vehicles. "I can fly, I can probably push the planet out of my way. I would assume that, if we needed to go anywhere on a planet, I'd just create a properly shaped bowl and carry us all there. Otherwise, we'll be travelling in a spaceship." A sudden thought occurred to him, "Oh…tomorrow's your birthday!" Punching one hand into the other, "I'll have to bake a cherry pie for you…I have school though, so it…well, I guess it all depends on whether you want to-"

"I'm not saying 'No', you're not saying 'No'. We need to watch each other's backs. Usagi needs me, and we need you. You know I'm in." Taking his hand, she smiled confidently, "Don't want a ring, either. Don't want to constantly risk losing it when I'm in the kitchen. I'd take a necklace, or an armlet, if you don't mind?"

As was usual between them, no words needed to be shared beyond the necessary. He knew she loved him, and was sorry for what they'd done. She knew that he loved her, and was only trying to do what was best. Anything else just complicated a perfectly functional life. "So, I'll get the things needed to make enough cherry pie for everyone at the Manor. You get to suck up and deal with our singing 'Happy Birthday' as a family. In exchange," he leaned in and began to whisper a few choice thoughts in her ear. After all, a few seconds the following day in the real world would soon be available to turn into a weeks long celebration of the statuesque stunner.

+++++ 15th Angel + 10: Sunday, December 4th (129)

"Thank you, Rei-chan," Misato sat in the bath, soaking with her once and future roommate. The task, surprisingly sought after, to help her clean the day's exertions away was an opportunity for not only a heart to heart but an honest display of warmth from the lavender haired warrior.

"What have I done to earn gratitude? I believe I should be thanking you, for assisting me in enjoying more of what is available here in the Manor, should I not?" She missed swimming, the freedom of floating in a large body of water. The tub, as spacious as it was, made an adequate compromise with the issues of safety involved, but it wasn't a perfect analogue.

With a light touch, she moved Rei's bangs back out of her eyes, "For not…hating us. Everything went sideways so quickly, you 'died', Shinji collapsed, he became angry and snapped, stormed off to save lives, just problem after problem…. We didn't focus harder on trying to figure out why you didn't wake up, until we were eventually shown that you and Lily were…whatever you are."

"Two parts of a whole, she the greater, I the lesser." The answer was as useful as any to describe the indescribable, "I would not view you harshly, for focusing your efforts on those you believed most needed." Allowing her hands to drift free, she approached a topic that she was curious over, "What was it, that changed your mind regarding a shared relationship? According to your personnel file, it was Ryoji Kaji's attempt at bringing in another woman that prompted you to break off your acquaintance. Yet, you share Shinji willingly."

Snorting out a laugh, Misato sighed, "Because Shinji hates that he has to split himself so many ways, and Kaji was trying to find a way to avoid commitment. That asshole was trying to find a way to keep me safe, out of the dangerous life he was moving towards. The truth mattered more to him than anything, and my life would have been in danger simply by being associated with him. It doesn't shock me that they saddled him with Asuka, it put a leash on him and stopped him from finding any of the truly damning things that would have exposed SEELE."

Rei could see the message within the statement, "So, should Shinji ever begin to enjoy this life?"

The bombshell colonel shook her head, though she knew Rei couldn't see the motion, "He should enjoy this. It's not worth it to compare them. The situations are different, the motivations are different, the fact that Shinji wants us to share with one another without him around is important, that Kaji would have flirted with random women without telling me was terrible, there are a hundred little things that Shinji does that makes this function at all. He is, right now, talking to those five up at the cemetery. He trusted Ireul to keep us appraised, and is making a decision based on his position as a Duke. He's not hiding them, he's not hiding us in shame. If one of us found a lady we were interested in, all we'd have to do is ask him."

"Yet, he eschews men," this was the dangerous part.

"Human men, sure. He trusts Gaghiel-kun, or Ramiel. They roam around here just fine, and they're male. Or at least, male-aligned." Misato was unconcerned, "I don't need another man. Do you?"

"Does _he_?" In her exploration of sexuality, she came across more than enough information to draw some broad conclusions, "Is that, perhaps, why he is interested to the degree he is in Asuka? She is, without question, a woman. Her personality, her behaviors, her mannerisms, those are all very masculine. Is he, perhaps, seeking something that he denies himself out of fear?"

"If he is, he'll either find someone he likes and we'll discuss it as a team, or he won't and it won't be a problem. We've all made the rules very clear. Ladies ahoy, not a man in sight." Tapping her bathmate on the side, she asked cautiously, "Is Minami-chan hiding something?"

"No. When Yang-chan approached her with the rules, Kajima-san announced with full sincerity that if necessary she would not speak with another male for the rest of her life. She was dissuaded from pursuing such a drastic course of action."

Misato grinned, "Good, on both counts. I don't think Shinji's trying to be controlling, he just doesn't want to have to deal with the doubts that would come from-"

The door to the bathroom opened quickly, admitting a pensive Kodama, "Misato, you need to see this."

+++++ 15th Angel + 10: Sunday, December 4th (129)

"She has to agree," Minako stamped her foot. "If she doesn't, then what good is his offering to the rest of us? We're not going to break up our group, she has to know that!"

Ami, running her thumb along the outside of the ring he'd given her, was nervously bouncing, "She…she just needs some time. She's really angry, you know how she gets when she's angry. She's not, you know, _mean_. Just…angry."

Limiting his thought to Usagi, Shinji asked the important question, _Would she listen, if I attempted to explain myself? You know I'm not going to apologize for doing what's right for the universe. I accept that doing what is right might have cost me the friendship of five phenomenal women. But I have to at least give her the chance to yell at me, if for no other reason than to move towards her_ listening _to me._

"Why don't we all go and spend a little more time with Miss Kyoko?" A bubbly Usagi beamed out a smile at the trio of her ladies in waiting that were suddenly staring at her as if she'd grown a fourth head, "It must be really hard for her to not be able to mother her daughter, and we're close enough in age to Asuka in this life…well, you know…a couple years older, but whatever! She can mother us for a while to get her mind off things." Herding Makoto, Minako, and Ami away, she returned Shinji's thought, _Lead with the fact that you love her…and good luck._

Alone, for certain values of the concept, by Rei Hino's graveside, he sat himself down so that he faced the grave marker. With one leg cocked, and the other curled under, he propped himself up on one wrist, with the other resting on his raised knee, "Phobos? Deimos?" With a touch of Arael's call, he reached out to the twin guardians of the portal between life and death, "Could we talk?"

With a controlled descent, the smaller of the two ravens alighted on the grave marker and eyed him warily. Shaking himself, and then turning his head this way and that, the spirit seemed confused as to how Shinji was able to communicate with him so easily.

"It's because I've had some practice, my friend." His heart was eased by the willingness of the spirit creature to speak with him, "Thank you, for today. I know that you and your brother have played a part in helping them manifest. It's your love for them that feeds them enough to do so, and your love that has sustained the woman I adore for these long years. Maybe, if I can convince her that _I_ love her, and have always loved her, I could eventually convince you two to move with us. I think Arael would enjoy the company."

"I think they're traitors that don't listen when I ask them to not speak with cruel men," a cold, pained, voice sounded from the other side of the gravestone. Her long black hair was all he could see, with her back to him as she sat leaning against the hard stone, "I think maybe you made him come down with your powers. _Controlled him_. Like a puppet."

A younger Shinji, one who hadn't lived through what he had, might have risen to the bait. An uncontrolled Shinji, one who still contended with Adam's rage in addition to his own, might have snapped at the unfair accusation. A callous Shinji would have not cared that his honor was being impugned, and a Shinji that cared too much would have shut down to cry. Even after the day fighting with Asuka, struggling to get her to understand that he loved her…just not enough to abandon everyone else, he still had too much joy at seeing the temple maiden, "I could have, if I wanted to. But I try to take lessons from the wise women who have shown the universe what sacrifice truly entails. I feel they'd be disappointed in me for hurting their friends like that, even if it was for a good end. Deimos just wanted to see how I managed to speak his language, he was curious."

Phobos, hopping into view from near where Rei sat, huffed out a caw before fluffing his wings. He wasn't well-pleased by the way that Rei was acting towards Shinji, and he didn't like how she was treating her friends. Childish was the kindest thing he accused her of being, the less generous interpretations left little to the imagination.

Her eyes narrowed as she slapped the ground near the raven, "Oh, shut up. Maybe I'm tired of having him come to us crying before running back to the people who abused him. Maybe I'd rather not have to patch him up only to watch that wretched place tear him apart. Maybe I think he should consider who's really pulling his strings, before he comes back here asking for forgiveness."

"I'm not asking for forgiveness." He couldn't put his foot down with Asuka, only to act another way with another woman that wasn't yet his wife, "I'm offering an explanation to a woman I love, because I love her enough that watching her suffer is painful to me in ways I have no means at hand to describe."

"I'm not suffering!" Turning fully away again, she crossed her arms. Her song put the lie to her statement, "I'm just fine, _sir_."

Deimos, jumping down to the ground to stand near Phobos, huffed out an inquisitive caw, his dark eyes curious.

"I can," Shinji answered, with a pain in his chest. "All it would take…is thinking about it hard enough. I could unmake everything. The planet, the solar system, the galaxy, the universe…all of Creation. I'm a weapon in the shape of a man. Each Angel I kill adds exponentially greater means to destroy it all. Each Aspect I absorb burdens me with more responsibility to be incredibly cautious of where I set my feet. With a sneeze, I could murder a city. Twice now, I've barely been stopped from destroying an entire Region. I've used a lightning bolt capable of cracking the moon in half to make a point. I…can't let anyone think they rule me."

"So you're just foreswearing your oath to m-" Swallowing the last word, the Sailor of Mars changed her sentence, "To Princess Serenity?"

His voice was steady, though his heart was not, "That Shinji Ikari is dead. He was killed by an entity that makes Chaos seem quaint. I serve no one."

"Except Hikari Horaki," she spat out.

"Ikari." Looking down, he shook his head, "I don't serve her, either. Our relationship is…odd."

"You're telling me you didn't come here because Hikari-chan doesn't want Asuka in the relationship?" Her tone was both incredulous and suddenly concerned, "That she didn't…."

"I'm here," he frowned, confused, "because I wanted to show Asuka that I was serious. To show her that without compromise, balance, I have nothing more to offer her. That I would forsake five women I loved more than my own life, to be certain that I kept not only my word but the people of Creation safe from interference in their own lives." Shifting how he sat, so that he was cross-legged, he leaned his elbows against his knees, "I didn't come to taunt any of you, or taunt her. I was trying to make it clear to her that I would not, ever, cast her mother aside simply to include her. Who I love more than another does not matter as much as who is already in my soul. Kyoko Ikari has a home, now. She is free, or at least as free as I can allow her to be. Tossing her out for Asuka? I don't know what kind of animal she thinks I am, but the woman I love who sits before me would punch my heart out through the back of my chest if I even thought about doing that!"

Turning to face him, for the first time, she scowled, "So you didn't come here…to say goodbye?"

"What?" Now he was completely lost, "I've spent the last hour debating with Usagi and Lily about her engaging in a diplomatic marriage with me. She offered all five of you, and I told her 'No'. I wouldn't do that to you, any of you. If you want to join with me, it will be of your own free will. Or, like all things with Creation, as much free will as you have."

Her eyes grew wide, "M-marriage?"

"You're the last one, I asked the others first because you didn't come out." He gestured with a thumb towards where the other four were causing their usual ruckus around a patently amused Kyoko, "Usagi and I agreed on terms, and then I asked Minako because she insisted I ask her rather than the other way. I gave Ami a ring, because she once again didn't get to go first, and then Makoto and I agreed like we always do. Few words, a calm smile, and promises of time in the kitchen. I came here because I was serious about not allowing Asuka, or anyone, to destroy what the women in my house have built. Now, I'm leaving here with four more wives than I would have had if I had just given in to her. If, of course, you're even interested in working together with an even larger group of women. I'm not going to force any of you, and I understand that it's an all or nothing proposition with you five. If you tie yourselves to me, it's forever. Leaving any one of you out is… _cruel_ ," he layered the final word with as much disgust as he could summon.

"Even…even though Hikari doesn't want you to add someone who will compete with her?"

"I," he stretched the sound out, "don't think you know my wife as well as you think you do. Is something going wrong with your visions? _You_ were the one who insisted that I give the women a chance to love me, before. You were the one who told me to forgive them, for being human. Who said that the visions she had weren't meant for humans to endure, and that now that I have them I was suffering for something she couldn't help."

Worry strained her eyes, "I…I can't see the future, anymore."

+++++ Author's Notes:

Vikingsx7: RE: Asuka.

Asuka is a challenging character to work with and a joy to write. I've had to be sparing with her inclusion to not have her overshadow everything. A lot like Kodama, before she realized that she was being her own worst enemy, Asuka would take over every scene she was in. Her force of personality, and her mental illnesses, don't allow her to play 'second fiddle' to anyone. It's not in her to do. I…think I like what my ultimate plan is for her. I think it's the most 'fair' end I could give her.

Blackplant: RE: The Sailors.

Everyone had to have a cooling off period, but there was too much history for him to write them off. Fortunately, Usagi Tsukino is far more cunning than people give her credit for.

JaceSterne:

RE: EoE.

That he was able to give such broad interpretability to a single line speaks very well of him as a writer. After everything in Instrumentality, he gave a broad array of potential 'right' answers while not shutting anything off permanently. Really helps us hacks that follow in his footsteps have more to work with.

RE: Sailors aplenty.

Turns out, you'll get to see more of the Fab Five pretty soon.

Ghost Man: RE: Rei the Dolphin.

We don't know her birthday, she might be a Pisces!

drew6406: RE: Rollcall.

At this point, I'm gonna have to say unlikely. My notes have become very tangled, as I'm currently in the process of writing the (an?) end of the story. I'd have to delve back through several chapters to make sure I don't spoil anything.

TheHiddenLettuce: RE: Sailor Senshi.

It's ok. Someone took a while to figure out that I included Shinobu Maehara from Love Hina too. There are a whole host of characters that people haven't twigged to their origins, or if they have they haven't commented in Reviews or PMs. Cameos aplenty in this story, you can't be blamed for not catching them all.

SK:

RE: Shinji and Asuka.

They are tragically so similar for how far apart they are in temperament. It's always the little differences that end up causing the greatest troubles.

RE: Hill Girls.

Well, didn't have to wait as long as you had to for a number of my plot points. This one was pretty bang-bang, all things considered.

Huagh: RE: Shinji x Sailor Moon.

I'm almost positive that there will be references at certain points in that story. I'm looking at a shared universe and wondering if I could make it work.

origamishishou:

RE: Pantsu.

Any time I can slip a little rough comedy in, I'll take the shot.

RE: Charlie.

Alas, poor Charlie.

RE: Armisael.

Ugh…Armisael.

Martial Arts Master:

RE: Extremist.

She has a very defined view of justice as a concept. When you look at it from the standpoint of someone who is written to be a purported ruler of all creation, 'might makes right' becomes too easy to involve in the story. But, like all with all of my other characters, I've tried to express both viewpoints with Usagi. She is what, and who, she is. She is right, or wrong, or both, depending on the situation. When faced with Shinji's fate, she refused to back down from Justice. However, that doesn't mean she has no other options. A ruler must be a good diplomat, or all they're ruling is people's fear.

RE: Shinji's views on Usagi.

Really, the poor guy just wants to be loved. The kind of love that Usagi has is like the perfect drug.


	149. Chapter 149

+++++ 15th Angel + 10: Sunday, December 4th (129)

"Fuck me sideways," Misato breathed. Looking at the map on the news, she tried to calculate an appropriate response, "Is there peer review? Have they verified this at all?" Pulling out her phone, she was pre-empted by a text from Ritsuko, and read it out loud to the group, "She's already in the lab with Maya at NERV. They're going over the facts. It looks like the American CDC has made the data public, asking for any and every interested associated institute to do what they can."

Hikari, as she ever would, worried first and foremost for the man she loved more than life itself, "Shinji?"

"He should be immune," Kodama announced quickly. "At least, based on my understanding of what they're reporting here. His genetic structure is not 'human', in the sense of being a hybrid. If this isn't affecting other mammals, then it's unlikely that it would jump to whatever we want to call him. Besides, hard to call him 'sterile' when Suzuka's proof that the baby batter works."

"I'm sorry, but I'm not sure I understand how this could even really work," Minami was slowly working the handkerchief Shinji had given her into a tight cord. "How does a virus spread so far without any means of giving it to people? I mean…something like this is normally…you know…."

"If it's spread sexually, it wouldn't have spread this far," Kodama agreed. "The Americans are claiming this has infected over seventy percent of males globally, based on epidemiology, which makes it far more likely that it's airborne, or waterborne. With the massive decline in birthrates, and even worse, fewer and fewer males being born…."

"Really want to talk to Rose right now," Misato agreed. Her mind had gone to the same place Kodama's did, one thinking from a medical training standpoint, the other from a military trained. What they were looking at, could very easily have been done as, or in preparation for, an attack. An attack that would be one that the Evas could do nothing against.

+++++ 15th Angel + 10: Sunday, December 4th (129)

"You swear that you'll share equally," the Flame Maiden pressed him hard.

Shinji frowned at her in exasperation, "I said I would, Rei. Everyone in my soul knows that they have to share with the others in my soul. I can take people for…essentially vacations into my soul for a time. One second in there can be anywhere from a day to a month, which means a lot of time is available for me to spend if the real world lets me. But I put my foot down hard, and unless Creation forces my hand, like it did with Akane, Mikoto, Nicolette…with too many women, I only accept or ask women that I know are capable of working as a part of a team." Gesturing amongst the Sailors, he let his eyes speak for him. If any group was capable of flawless teamwork, it was the five of them.

Minako was just as firm, "We're more than _capable_ of working as a team. We _are_ a team." Looking between her friends, she made herself very clear, "We are not going to get a 'better offer'. We are not suddenly going to find another man willing to and capable of taking us away from this hill. I don't mind spending eternity with you four, you know I love you, but now we can spend eternity together _with him_. Ayanami-chan was always a little off, but she's not a bad lady. Hikari-chan can be a stickler for rules, but she at least knows how to keep order and discipline. I can't imagine our man suddenly developing a massive fetish for terrible people who have horrible hygiene with unbelievable habits. Whoever he's gathered, and wherever he's going, will be massively more interesting than another million years of watching trees sway! This place is worse than watching rocks dry!

"It's watching paint dry, not rocks. How do rocks even dry? Anyway, I like the trees," Ami frowned. "They're pretty."

"Shinji will buy you two," Makoto patted her friend's back. "I'm with Minako-chan."

Following Ami's nod, the two holdouts looked at each other, with Usagi once more in 'serious' mode. Eventually, the former temple maiden spoke first, "I can't see how this ends, Your Highness. We could be making a terrible mistake."

"Then we should make it together, with the man who fought by our side as Chaos destroyed the Earth. Who faced Galaxia without blinking with nothing more than his Evangelion and a severed power cable. Who couldn't be turned by the Dark Kingdom, because he held faith that there was more than pain and suffering in a world that had you in it." She gathered all five of her friend's hands in the center of the circle they stood in, "We'll accept his bond, together. We'll accept what comes, together." Her eyes met his, "We will win…together."

The other four echoed her sentiment, "Together."

Placing his hand atop the others, he couldn't look at any of them. What he was about to do, was inconceivable in his mind. Marrying them, any of them, had always been enough. He knew he was only ever gifted a limited time, as they had a destiny beyond him. A duty to fulfill. The greatest tragedy of this version of reality existed because Mamoru Chiba, Endymion himself, had been corrupted and turned to evil. That the cycle of death and rebirth had been tainted. Now, instead of one of the wonderful women, he was being offered five. Instead of a single lifetime, he was being given all time. Placing his other hand beneath, to grip those he held with a hopeful smile, he agreed, "Together." With a bit of concentration, he let his soul comingle with their presence.

And they disappeared.

Panic set in quickly as he looked around, a desperate and very human reaction to the unexpected happening. With his focus outward, and his mind fixated on potential assaults or tragedies, he failed to notice the exasperation present on both Ireul's and Kyoko's faces. The pair themselves disappearing into his soul to greet their new roommates.

It was the Aspect of Terror that soothed his mind, _They're in here, my love. A little confused, but whole and healthy. You absorbed them, much like you did me. It will take a while before they're able to manifest properly outside of you. No more than a day or so for you, but quite some time in here as you know. Be calm, and try to turn that wonderful brain of yours on from time to time?_

+++++ 15th Angel + 10: Sunday, December 4th (129)

"Nothing," General Benoit stated firmly. "Out of every investigative angle, every lead we followed, every trace of intel, not one thing indicated an NBC threat. They wanted to rule over mankind through Instrumentality, not devastate it. Your own estimate for this says that this virus has been present for years. SEELE has only been truly opposed for less than a quarter of one year. This precedes them, and unless you have evidence I don't, is unrelated to them."

The American Secretary of Defense, General (Ret.) Elizabeth Winter, was not in the world's greatest mood. With the level of mistrust and distrust in her country at all-time highs, the degree to which various agencies communicated with one another had led to her not having been given a pre-brief before the head of DHHS went public with his various agencies' findings. "We're looking at an enormous strain to our capabilities, Philip. My boss is going to be demanding that we recall our forward assets, treaties or not. All it's going to take is one country making a play here and the whole world's going to collapse. You can't have nothing on this! We may not have always agreed, but I never believed you incapable."

"Betty," Samuel Drake, Admiral, gentleman, and all around good man, was just as displeased but knew the man they were all about to lean on again far better than his peer, "if he had something it would have been addressed. A global terrorist attack of this magnitude would not have gone unseen. Too many moving parts, too many ways for things to go wrong. I'm sure he's hurting on his fourth point of contact just as much as we are, because his people saw _nothing_. But this is going to get worse before it gets better, and all of us need to cooperate if we're going to pull the world through this."

Her eyes shifted slightly as her attention was drawn to the other half of whatever monitor she was observing, "Sam, you need to be certain you have an exit path on this. The President is-"

"Not going to have my support for a withdrawal of US forces from this theater of operations," he interrupted gently. "Any vessel that attempts to depart my fleet will be considered hostile, and treated as such. Any forces that attempt to enter my AO will be considered hostile, and treated as such. We will maintain discipline, we will maintain order, and we will rely heavily on Paladin. He and I have been communicating over letters for some time now, and he's recently made the offer to offset our fuel needs. Turns out he can make it himself. As far as food, my people may need to get used to eating a very fish-heavy diet, but with the right supplements which he can also provide, we'll get by. Each of my people has been growing louder about doing more to support him. When it came time to ship my most recent force losses home? They threatened to go AWOL and report in to NERV themselves. I'm plus six hundred souls, which has made up for my losses during the Thirteenth Angel incident. If the President turns off our funding, before you threaten that, the nation of Japan has offered graciously to ensure continuity of pay. I've already sent him a cable on this, Betty. It's his choice as the C-in-C, but I remember a day and age where Old Glory never ran from a fight."

His statement did not land well in her mind, "We are going to need your help on the western flank, Admiral. You're leaving us exposed! I got off the phone with him before this meeting, and he's a nut hair away from ordering all of our deployed forces home, not just yours. You'll be alone, and will have charges brought against you for treason."

"The Fighting First is remaining where we are, Madame Secretary. I'm certain the American people will understand why. I would urge you not to send anyone over to attempt to arrest me, you'll just lose more good men and women." Moving his eyes to General Benoit, Admiral Drake nodded politely, "Sir."

"Bonne Vitesse, monsieur." With nothing but respect for the man who'd just terminated his connection to the quick conference, Philip added his voice to the effort to dissuade hasty action, "It would not be wise to encourage your president to do this, Madame Secretary. The Paladin has enemies crawling through the grass still, and abandoning him is precisely what they want us to do."

Former General Winter's voice turned as frosty as her name, "An odd statement, coming from one who jumped on a grenade it seems no one threw."

"Ethics are a cruel master," his heart ached at doing what was necessary. "I could entrust no one else to do what I have done, and will not have history write that a Philip Benoit failed to stand at the front of the line come his day to be judged." He had things to do, and this was the least important, "I too must be about my tasks. We will be certain to pass anything we gain along, through the proper channels."

+++++ 15th Angel + 10: Sunday, December 4th (129)

 _Keep me appraised, and I'll send anything I can your way Kitten._ Shinji hated that there was little, if anything, he could add. Virology, immunology, everything that might have helped in this circumstance were all things that he had few lives spent engaged in studying. He had faith in Amy, Ritsuko, and Maya, and trusted Rose when she said that she'd make herself available as soon as she could but couldn't talk about it right now. Standing at the encampment for Alpha Company, he prepared to accept his punishment for violating the terms of his agreement. It was well past nightfall, and the only reason he didn't wait for a more reasonable hour was that his own honor demanded he not delay.

A polite knock on the wooden doorframe of the canvas tent prompted a delayed, "Enter."

Ducking into the tent quietly and backwards, he failed to note her state of dress until he turned around from closing the door behind him. Standing before him, in tight-fitting JSSDF-issued t-shirt and short-shorts that doubled as sleepwear, was a reminder that Kiyomi Honda was an exceptionally well-proportioned woman. Muscled, deadly, and still feminine, she earned a blush from his cheeks as he apologized for something other than what he'd come to apologize for, "Sorry, I had hoped that you might still be up doing things."

"Why Shinji," amusement filled her tone, "are you _blushing_?" Stepping over, with that same slight sway to her hips she had earlier in the day, the powerful commander bent down a little, very girlishly, with her hands clasped just behind her back to re-enter his field of view, "You _are._ " Tilting to the other side as he attempted to avoid looking at her, she enjoyed the new game, "For me?"

"I…uhm, I came to report myself, and then found out about the news." He hated having to cut the flirtation short, because he was coming to enjoy the byplay between him and her. She respected him enough to call him out on his shit, and showed no fear in doing so. She'd maintained discipline, honor, and had spent a hard deployment getting to know him and the people in his house. He respected her greatly, which only added to the appeal of her as a woman, "I didn't want to have you hear about my decision second-hand."

"I see, I see." Not giving up on toying with him, she stood up straight and assumed a thoughtful pose, "Well, you're a touch late. Because I was informed of your decision as soon as you made it. My people are in constant communication, saves us time where we might have to unass to save someone who abandons the people assigned to protect them. However, it does speak well of you that you would present yourself and accept your punishment." Idly bouncing a finger in the air to a song she could just barely hear, she continued, "That hilltop, the one where Toshiro Horaki was given funerary rights, has more value than just serving as that. The elder priest, Hino-san, was the officiant at your wedding to Maya and Hikari. His granddaughter, and her friends, were buried there by the Shirakami at your word. You chose your hill, you declared it yours, and," her finger stopped, pointing directly between his eyes, "you allowed my Lieutenant to engage in a good idea despite it being against what you said. That, _Shinji_ , is why I'm not upset." Coquettishly clasping her hands before her waist, she pouted cutely, "But maybe you could make it up to me anyway?"

The woman before him seemed so different than the woman he normally dealt with, "How…uh, how do you…?"

"I want _you_ ," she let the last word hang, unattached for a heartbeat, "to help me pick my replacement."

"R-replacement?" His eyes shot wide, "I…I'd really rather not replace you! I trust you, I trust you to keep them safe," he gestured back to the house as his anxiety grew to be irritation, "I trust you to keep Alpha straight. We've had a hard enough time replacing Charlie's CO, I don't want to dump everything on poor Sachiko like that!"

Faux-hurt widened her eyes, "So you're actually worried about Sachiko? Not about losing me?"

"No! Y-yes," clenching his fist, he let anger take the wheel, "damn it, Kiyomi, I thought you and I were coming to an understanding here! Is this because of your promotion? Are they insisting you go to some class? Who do I have to talk to, to keep you here? I don't think it's too much to ask for another couple of months, a year maybe, with you and Sachiko to support me as I'm learning how not to fuck up the entire world! Alpha and Bravo are enormous comforts, I'll write the damn Emperor if I have to, just help me not lose a good woman I can trust."

Letting the playful attitude rest for a second, she reached out with one hand and patted his chest, "It helps me hear you say that, it really does." Resuming her typical demeanor, she gestured to her desk, "I've been in contact with Light Colonel Hagiwara, asking her about the potential problems that had arisen with you becoming more interested in me, and yes, Sachiko. I did not spare anything, explained to her that you weren't being aggressively forward, but were making it very clear that you desired more than a 'good working relationship'. When I said that I had shot the idea down hard, she indicated that she was on her way down here from Battalion to speak to me in person. We are at a crossroad, _Shinji_ ," she stressed the fact that she'd been using his name exclusively, "I cannot lead Alpha, and continue to flirt with you. We are going to make a mistake, it is going to damage the Company's morale, and set a terrible example for the next generation of leaders. You can either help me pick a replacement, and I can accept a promotion to be your liaison between the JSSDF and what is quickly becoming your own independent nation within the greater Japanese nation…or we stop flirting and get serious about good discipline. We cannot do both."

"You…you weren't playing, earlier…." He worked his jaw slowly, trying to find appropriate words, "I…uh…." Once more, she'd managed to derail his anger, "I thought that you were against accepting promotions because of proximity to me."

"Colonel Katsuragi showed me how silly that line of thinking was." There was no fear on her face, she wasn't sitting with breathless anxiety, the woman before him was hard as nails and would not show any weakness for whichever decision they made, "There are more than enough historical precedents of women marrying into royal lines and finding far greater success than they might have managed without access to those resources. You may not get to see me as much as you'd like, because I will be _earning_ every ounce of glory I am given. I will be attending schools, both as faculty and student. I will be engaging in military readiness training, both as instructor and student. I will not give up on my dreams, for you." The hand that rested on his chest bunched into a fist, gripping his shirt hard, "You _will_ give me a child. Maybe two. We _will_ raise them to follow our path in serving mankind in Combat Arms. Kiyomi Honda is not a fainting flower, Shinji Ikari. Do not expect Kiyomi _Ikari_ to be one either. Should you chose to walk that path with me, you will support me in what I choose to do because you can be _damn_ sure I will support you in what you choose to do."

He had found himself thinking this more often of late, with more specific women, "I really would like to kiss you now."

"Funny," the playfulness reappeared, "I was kind of hoping that you might kiss me." Not too proud to stand on her toes, allowing him to stoop slightly to meet her partway, she showed him with her touch that she was, and had been, interested in his presence in her life. She was looking at joining up with a new Army, with a more specialized series of assets to deploy, but it was still an organization that had the goal of working hard for those next to you. For suffering more so others didn't have to suffer as much. For showing mankind that there was light at the end of the darkest night. When she settled back, content that she'd shown him she was serious, the sight of his right eye glowing darkly managed what his words could not, "…Shinji?"

"Whuh, huh?" Panic kicked in, unaware that his eye was pulling its preferred party trick, as he thought she was disappointed instead of concerned, "I'm sorry, I…I thought I was a better kisser than that! I didn't, I mean…." Bowing, level with the ground, he apologized, "I am sorry."

Gripping his chin harshly, she wrenched his head up to look him in the eye, "Why is this glowing with black flames? Is this a warning sign? Something dangerous? Normally it's the other one, and it's blue."

With realization came a form of calm, and with calm came laughter as he realized he'd once more made an ass of himself, "O-oh…no, that's…uhm…I've kind of been repressing some stuff. For…roughly the entirety of my existence?" Freeing his jaw, he stood upright, "If I had to guess, my body is reacting to my thoughts. And my thoughts…are not happy that I'm not giving in to them."

"Define that further," the commander was out again in the woman.

"I…would like to do more than kiss you," he talked around the subject. "It's been a very stressful day, and I've been finding myself more…interested in certain kinds of stress relief. Your song is calling out that you're abstaining from going beyond a kiss, because you can't just stop being the CO of Alpha right now. Which means I'm not going to-"

She held up her hand, silencing him, "That's right. You're not." A pleased smile soothed any wounds she might have created, "Until we have a replacement in place, I have my duty, and you have yours. If you want to share my love of candied cherries, you help me find someone else to wear this badge of office. Until then," she turned to move back to her bed, 'accidentally' losing her shorts along the way, "you'll just have to admire the view from afar."

Remembering that she'd implied a chance at such a sight earlier in the day, Shinji was gifted a sight that improved his evening immensely. "Sleep well…Kiyomi-chan."

As she climbed into her bed, she discovered that he'd quickly arranged a gift. A permanently frozen sculpture of a pair of cherries on their stems waited on her pillow for her to see. Looking back, confident that she'd managed to wow him, she saw her tent empty and smiled viciously, "Got him."

+++++ 15th Angel + 10: Sunday, December 4th (129)

"Long story short," Shinji sat down with Hikari and Yang, explaining what he'd done with the ghosts of the Moon Kingdom, "I made the decision based on their promises and my long-standing relationship. The five of them are a part of many of my better memories. They are powerful warriors, devoted teammates, and…political refugees."

"Diplomatic marriage," Yang sighed. "Does she know that we don't care if she's a princess?"

"She won't act like that," he shook his head slowly, laughing dryly at the memories. "Her preferred tactic is to act like a mannerless oaf in an effort to put the people around her at ease. When it's time to be serious, she's as deadly as they come. Otherwise, she'd much rather everyone be friends with one another. I told them, expressly, that none of you are greater than all of you. That if I accepted what they were asking for, it would mean that they became a part of our family. I trust Usagi to keep her word, she's never let me down in the past intentionally or at least not without a serious reason backing her play."

Hikari took his hand, "Anything else?" Smiling comfortingly, she tried to show physically that there was no jealousy present. Five more attractive young women meant five more chances for her to have her own fun too, "So far, I've heard nothing but the argument between you and these 'Sailors'. I'm sure more than that happened."

"We…might be gaining Kiyomi sooner, rather than later." He blushed at the memory of a _very_ nicely shaped posterior, "And she does a lot of squats."

"That explains Fuuka blushing hard," Yang blew her cheeks out. "It didn't feel like you did anything too…heavy."

"Just one kiss," he assured them. Looking back towards the hallway, he let his lips bunch off to one side, "She's asleep, isn't she. I should apologize. I forgot, and I shouldn't have." Anger, at himself, swelled, "I'm better than that. I have to be."

His wife, once more, tried to soothe him, "Steady. I was talking to her earlier today, trying to get her to understand why you're not pushing forward with anything more than the occasional hug. She's…got some issues, but we'll work her through them. The one thing that she was adamant on, that we're going to have to watch out for, is that she doesn't want us to avoid physical romance in the waking world. She'd prefer we be more demonstrative with each other, feeling that you're going to suffer for her inclusion. I think she's worried you'll hate her for denying you things."

Yang snorted, "Which is garbage. Shinji denies Shinji things, the rest of us don't even have to think about it. She's a work in progress, and I promise you the whole family is on board with making her life easier."

Reaching over and including the leggy waitress in the hand holding, he nodded, still disappointed in himself, "I know you are, Yang. I…I'm going to need you two to be on top of your game. Minako has a very outsized personality. Think…think a nicer Asuka, with a heart of gold. Still over the top, and vain…but good at her base. Ami is a lot like Rei, Ayanami I mean…in that she's socially awkward, loyal to those she chooses to be loyal to, but is probably the smartest person in the room ninety nine times out of one hundred. Makoto is quiet, but not dense. She just doesn't say what she's thinking half the time, and when she does speak she tends to ignore social niceties more often than not. She's blunt, but honest. And then there's Rei, Rei Hino I mean." Blowing out a sigh, he looked dead at Hikari, "This is your house. You are my Princess. She…has always felt that she has a special claim on me. Even in those lives where she didn't feel like she could put up with a man in her life. I trust you to handle everything, I just…." Shaking it off, he groaned, "I'm worrying. I made a huge decision, and I didn't consult you, but it was a decision that I should be able to make because it was-"

"The right decision," both women announced as one, before looking at each other and nodding firmly.

Hikari, drawing her position around her as the mantle of responsibility it was, declared, "You brought home allies, friends, and yes, lovers. But you did not hide them, you did not hide us. You intend for them to help keep us safe, and for us to welcome them as equals. So long as they abide by our laws, we will be stronger for their presence."

"I'm…." Chewing on the truth, as he saw it, he leaned forward, "I'm afraid I'm starting to enjoy…things."

Yang barked out a laugh, "Oh, please no. Don't start enjoying sex, Shinji. You might start pushing me into closets at random. I'm not sure how I could possibly handle you worshipping my body more often."

His wife, while not insensitive to his sensibilities, had to agree, "That's not a terrible thing, Shinji. You've got every right to enjoy affections, so long as you remember to take the time to enjoy _our_ affections too, if life brings us other women…that's what it brings us. Minami-chan spent all day making good on the chance you've given her. Twice I had to stop myself from going over and pulling her into a less chaste hug. If you keep choosing women like her, like Kiyomi, then it will be ok. You're not the kind of man to start randomly drawing in women because they've got Kodama-sized tits and low morals. The best will show themselves to be so, and you'll remember your promise to us. You're still the man I love, and I don't doubt that will remain true."

"That's," he paused, trying to order his mind, "that's not entirely what I mean. I'm starting to enjoy _flirting_. Me, Light. I'm the one that's supposed to be terrified of that, and just this morning I made a joking pass at Kiyomi while I was arguing for fewer guards than she normally sends with me." His eyes dropped to the table, "I'm not sure how 'joking' it was."

"Do you want to slap him, or should I?" Yang looked to Hikari, "I don't think he understands that so long as he's doing it with people we know he's interested in, and is feeling them out, that we're not upset. I also don't think he understands that he could flirt with us a little more, and it wouldn't hurt our feelings."

"He's learning, be nice," Hikari chided gently. Pushing back from the table, she checked the clock, "It's time for bed. I'm not sure how much sleep we need anymore, after the whole glowing thing, but I don't want to be a zombie tomorrow during class." Gaining her feet, she hugged his head close, "Don't be afraid of change, my love. So long as you remember that you promised _us_ forever, you know my feelings on a big family full of love and hope."

Yang stretched, "Mind if I sleep with you tonight, Hiki? I'm feeling cuddly, and I get the feeling our man needs some down time."

"No. Please. Not cuddles with a stunningly attractive woman." Acting aggrieved, she dragged her friend into the master bedroom with open intentions and designs, "It's too much. I can't cope!"

As the door closed, and he was once again alone, Shinji closed his eyes and felt the chorus of the household float around him. Sakura and Nozomi were dead to the world. Misato was sleeping soundly, but was troubled by the inability to defend against a virus that attacked something nearly sacred to her. Kelly slept fitfully, nervous about the coming day. Suzuka rested easily, ill content with something but not allowing it to overwhelm her. Kodama was dreaming deep, as was Tsuru. Mikoto and Akane were in the same room, though asleep in different places. He frowned, as he couldn't feel Nicki. A quick check of his phone showed that she had volunteered to go in and help keep Ritsuko and Maya safe, reminding him that he had too many people he had made himself responsible for if he was forgetting things like that. Rei slept as she always did, and Fuuka seemed shut off from the world and herself. If the tragic flower dreamed, he doubted she knew about it. Which left…the one person still awake.

+++++ 15th Angel + 10: Sunday, December 4th (129)

"They're not wrong," Ritsuko muttered, staring at the data. "This has been engineered. Crafted to attack the part of the sperm that carries the 'Y' chromosome, and to harden the ova against penetration. You don't just end up with this. This isn't something that just happens."

Amy had been growing more and more quiet as the night had gone on, a fact that Maya had been reluctant to point out. The alien doctor processed information nearly as fast as Ritsuko, and the more information she processed the less inclined she was to pick up the next packet, tablet, or paper.

"Amy," sitting down next to the doleful woman that had saved her life, Lieutenant Colonel Ikari took a break to allow a 'lady to lady' talk, "we're not silly enough to think that this was spread by you or Rose. The global birthrate has been in decline since Second Impact. The birth ratio of males to females has skewed heavily towards the latter not long thereafter. You have only been down here helping Shinji for a few months. The timelines don't match."

Unaware of any other people talking, as she was too absorbed in the work before her, Ritsuko groaned, "It's attacking two different cells in two different manners with two different methods of injection. I'm not even sure this is the same virus! They might very well be conflating two things that look similar, lazy garbage science nonsense…."

Noting the wince that followed each statement, she took the papers from Amy's hands and set them on the table, "Hey." Drawing her gaze, she smiled comfortingly, "That isn't directed at you." She wasn't tired in the slightest, though she detected signs of Ritsuko slowing down, "Do you want to come get some coffee? Maybe stretching your legs might help you-"

Speaking like a condemned woman, and taking time to be perfectly clear in her word choice, Amy couldn't bring herself to look at the woman she'd saved, "This virus perfectly replicates the genetic variances that make my species unique. The reason it's doing two things, is because it's based on _Adamite_ RNA chains…this was introduced to your species…through mine."

"Engineered, then introduced," the former blonde announced, showing that she had been paying some small amount of attention. "This isn't something like introducing European Influenza to the New World. This was intentional, deliberate. They wanted us to find it, eventually. I can see why, it's a bargaining chip. Someone's going to offer a cure, if we give up Shinji. The whole world will be held hostage, and he'll turn himself over willingly." Tossing aside the tablet, she began to glow a radiant bronze, "They're idiots. They've just offered a supposedly insurmountable challenge to a bitch that loves that kind of pain. Time to earn my role as a Mage and show these assholes just who they're fucking with."

Hugging Amy from behind, Maya urged her up from her seat, "Come on. Coffee time. Senpai needs some herself, and you need to get your mind in the right space to keep up with us." It was a terrible thing, in her mind, to blame oneself for the actions of others of your same gender, or species, or nation. That kind of morbid guilt would eat the strongest person alive, if they let it. Better by far that they spend their time and energy doing something useful, something practical. Science didn't care who started it, it offered a process for _ending it_. She and Ritsuko were gifted scientists, and they had the support of beings from beyond the stars. The difficult was easy, the impossible simply took a little longer.

+++++ 15th Angel + 10: Sunday, December 4th (129)

Knocking on her door, Shinji waited a respectful distance from it so that when she opened it he wasn't looming, like a demon, in the darkened hallway. She needed to sleep, but he could feel her song's imbalance and knew that it required help to stabilize. When the door slid slightly ajar, he smiled warmly, tilted his head, and offered, "Need to talk?"

Minami Kajima, a stranger in a strange land, was awestruck as she tried to puzzle out how he knew that she needed him. That lasted all of two seconds before she realized who she was thinking of and visibly flinched as she reprimanded herself for forgetting, "Ye…no, no you need-"

"I need to know that I'm being helpful, especially to people I'm fond of." The last thing he wanted was someone attempting to suffer nobly, when all it would do would be to eat at the back of his mind until it was resolved, "If you'd prefer, we could go out to the couch. I don't want to presume and invade your space."

 _It would be so much easier if you would just invade my space._ The thought, unknowingly screamed loudly in her mind, ran contrary to her comment of, "Are you sure? I know you need quiet after today. Hikari-chan and Rei-chan explained what Soryu-san meant to you. That had to be rough, and I don't want to add to it."

"Your room, or the couch?" He tilted his head towards her room, "We could even take a swim, if you'd rather."

 _Skinny dipping would be lovely, senpai._ "Wherever you're most comfortable. You're helping me, after all."

"May I?" Gesturing into her room, he asked and received permission to enter, "Thank you." Closing the door behind him, he turned and picked her up off the ground to carry her to her bed, a squawk of surprise bringing a smile to his eyes. Setting her in her bed, he covered her over gently and sat down next to her with her hand in his, "One of the things I've found most interesting, of late, is how my pursuit of balance just seems to become more imbalanced. Beautiful, talented, funny women have flocked to me like iron filings to a magnet. In this house alone, I have award winning scientists, beauty pageant winners, doctors, legal minds, military commanders, nurses. Just this evening, I've had the good fortune to be told, without jealousy, that nine different women love me in some form or fashion. I'm sitting here, at ten minutes to midnight, on the bed of a woman that I would have given my right arm to even know she knew I existed five months ago…only to have her now fear that I don't know she exists." Lifting her hand and kissing the knuckles, he enjoyed the soft scent of apple she preferred, "You exist in my world, Minami. If I were a lesser man, I'd have taken you in the lockers in a heartbeat. I'm glad, instead, that we waited until we were both truly willing to enjoy one another's presence, like this."

"S-Senpai…." There was worry in her voice, her eyes locked on his, "You…."

"I'm repressing desires," he admitted, with open shame. "There is a not inconsiderable part of me that wants to climb under your covers, to pull you up against me as I fill you over and over until you collapse from fatigue. To see all of your beauty, to see it squirm with pleasure." Looking towards the door, he shook his head, "I am not an animal. I can, and will, allow you to see the full measure of what this life has in store. Only when you're ready, when you ask to join, will I consider…that. Please, we're not discussing my problems. What can I do to help you sleep?"

 _Climb under my covers and bend me over?_ "I'm, well, uh…I'm kinda nervous. Everyone's talking about the next Angel coming soon, and then there's this virus that's…. I'm really nervous, I guess, because I really want to have kids someday. I want to try and not screw them up as badly as I got screwed up, and to give my old man a chance at being a good grandfather in a way that he was never able to be a good dad. It's a lot to think about!" She became slightly defensive, "I can't imagine finding out at seventeen that I'll never be able to have kids! I mean, sure some people would like that…but what about someone who's looked forward to proving everyone wrong, like me?" _What value do I bring you, if I'm not giving you children?!_

The unspoken thought pained him, "If I was going to put the fate of the world in anyone's hands, it would be the three women that are at NERV right now trying to come up with an answer. If it is possible to fix this, they'll find the way to do it. If not? Well…if all you and I ever are is friends, I'm almost positive I can ask Sandalphon to help me ensure you can give some lucky guy a child."

"…Lucky? Do you really mean that, senpai, or are you just trying to help me calm down?" Her eyes narrowed, "I know a liar when I hear one, so don't you try and-"

"I would never, even now, have sex with someone I didn't think was worth more than just that. No matter how beautiful they were, how seductive they were…I'm just not made that way." He cut her off again with a squeeze of her hand, "The only reason we aren't, is that you aren't a part of my soul, and I will not ask you to gift me your lust until that is no longer the case. If we don't work out, and some other man draws your attention in a way I couldn't? Then I will forever feel he was a lucky, lucky man." His voice darkened, "Who had better take care of the precious gift he received, or he'll receive a very stern lecture on responsibility and proper behavior."

 _They're going to say 'No'. They said 'No' to this Soryu bitch. She was mean to them, just like I was. I was stupid, I was an idiot! Please, Senpai, give me a chance to show you that I just…I was alone and afraid and stupid and worthless and-_ The wash of confusion and social stasis over her face died as he bent down and gently kissed her in the same manner as he'd kissed Kiyomi. It was, as before, an offer to try for more. After a stunned trio of rapid heartbeats, her free hand reached up and pulled him down against her lips desperately. This was her chance, she just had to show him what she couldn't say for fear of rejection.

Letting her offer herself for several pleasurable minutes, he eventually broke off the kiss to roll his forehead against hers, "Ask them. If you don't, they can't say 'Yes', either." Giving a more chaste, comforting, version of the kiss, he sat back up, "We all make mistakes. I've made a dozen or more today alone. Tomorrow's another day, and you will have women by your side that will give you a hand in reaching higher…if you can find the strength to just _ask_." _Shamshel, I need a hand helping her sleep._ "Let me sing you a song, so that you're well rested for tomorrow."

+++++ 15th Angel + 11: Monday, December 5th (130)

A few minutes later, Shinji decided that he was done being alone and tempted. Walking into Suzuka's room, he closed the door and knelt down by her side to cup her hand and gently coax her awake enough to ask, "Would you mind some company, tonight?"

Drawing a deeper breath, though still very asleep, the elegant swordswoman proved just as acerbic in her unconscious mind as her conscious, "If the answer to that question is ever 'No', Little Bear, you will know it well in advance. Get under my blankets and warm me. My feet are cold."

Dismissing his clothes and slipping up against her, he cradled her to him in deepest love. He didn't need to engage his lust, it would frighten Fuuka and that remained unacceptable. He just needed to hold someone, someone he was authorized to hold. Someone who would understand that he was terrified and alone and desperate to know that he wasn't making a dog's dinner of everything he touched. Laying there, holding three lives that he loved immensely, he prayed for his own peace. He prayed that he'd not just ruined any chance that Asuka could find hers. That he'd not just consigned five young women that had given their all for the galaxy to know peace to themselves only know pain and suffering. That by flirting with two women, back to back, he'd not just done irreparable harm to his relationships. That he wasn't becoming a monster.

+++++ 15th Angel + 11: Monday, December 5th (130)

Suzuka awoke, hours later, exceedingly warm for the first time in quite some time. She recognized easily the mountain she laid in the sheltering arms of, understood quickly that he was not asleep, and hated herself for having to start the morning with, "I am sorry, dear heart, but my bladder is displeased with me at the moment."

"Sure…sorry," quickly freeing her, he somehow disappeared from under the covers and reappeared at seemingly the same instant to help her stand up herself.

"Thank you," accepting his aid, she took note of the fact that his mind was not present in his eyes. "What brought you to my chambers? Not that I mind the affection, of course."

His only response was a hollow, "Sorry."

He hadn't let go of her hand, and so she used the grip to pull him into the bathroom with her. They'd done far more embarrassing things with one another than relieving themselves, and she wasn't inclined to let him wander on his own in the state he was in. Retaining her caution, she shifted towards a more upbeat topic as she positioned herself on the toilet, "Today is likely the mark of a month and a half of pregnancy. It is alarming how time has flown past, but I must admit I look at the time I have remaining before I give birth and wonder how fat I'll become."

"Sure…."

 _Two steps forward, and ever the step backwards to follow._ Cleaning herself, she stood and sighed, "Follow me, Little Bear. It seems we'll be missing practice this morning."

+++++ 15th Angel + 11: Monday, December 5th (130)

"Fugue?" Misato remembered Shinji's penchant for the events. Though she'd thought him past them, she admitted she was no specialist in medicine, "Or is this something seriously serious?"

Kodama finished her perfunctory check of Shinji's vitals, having seen more than one of these herself, "Fugue. He'll be fine, after he snaps out of it. Yesterday was just too much for him, I guess."

Seated at the center of the couch's arc, Shinji stared blankly at the fish on the opposing wall. It wasn't far from the truth to say that nothing moved except the occasional saccade from his eyes, or his mouth as he responded with either an apology or an affirmation. The 'hero' that the world believed invulnerable was being tended to by those who'd seen heroism's true costs up close, and did not judge him poorly for not being the 'Hollywood Perfect' that most people would expect.

Rei, having summoned Fuuka to help her reach Shinji after feeling his discomfort, disagreed with part of the initial diagnosis, "I believe that he is suffering from an imbalance."

"Sweetie, we've moved past leeches and 'ill-humors'," Akane wasn't thrilled to wake up to such a painful regression, and hated not having anything she could do to help him. "He falls into these states, from time to time. It's his mind protecting itself from overload, either emotional or psychological."

"That is not what I meant," the bluenette disagreed. "He has absorbed another five members of the line of Adam. Without appropriate balance, found in those born of Lilith, his mind and spirit are imbalanced. He will be more prone to emotional outbursts, his energies becoming unstable. This was a concern during my own creation, that too much or too little would provoke such extremes and I would grow into murderous rages at the merest provocations."

Fuuka clutched closer to Rei at her statement, saying nothing but making it decidedly obvious that she was discomforted by the possibility that what she had recently learned would be called her 'best friend' might have been someone completely different had a callous doctor not done their job properly.

"Time out," Misato announced. "When did we gain five Aspects?" Looking over to Sachiel, she blinked, "He…really? Huh…. I didn't know that they were…. Brings our security standing up significantly, but apparently kind of dorked our time with the man of the house."

Kodama frowned at the lavender-haired woman, "Maybe share for those of us that don't have a direct line to knowledge?"

"Great One shared affection bond with corrupted offshoot of Father. Five, warriors all. Very powerful apart, devastating as team," Shamshel tried their best to convey the same information Sachiel had. Their responsibility to Kodama was complicated by the Aspect of Day not having a fluent grasp of the grammar necessary, but the effort was important regardless.

Suzuka, less patient than any present at the moment, cut to the chase, "Be they friend, or foe, as he made the decision?"

"Friends, if not more," Usagi appeared, as Princess Serenity. "It is…disheartening to see that his tendency to blame himself has not completely burned away." Drawing on her manners, she bowed to the group, "My apologies, my friends can't quite manifest yet. It seems we've caused some inconvenience, and I had hoped to assure you that we didn't know this would happen. I had actually wanted us to all meet last night, to share how proud I was of him that he accepted not only responsibility but authority. It appears that I was mistaken, in thinking that nothing but harm had befallen him in this house."

"…Huh." Misato sized the new blood up, "You…are aggressively gorgeous. You're also restraining yourself. Now, before I let Suzuka get cranky, why don't you share with the class _exactly_ what happened up there."

+++++ 15th Angel + 11: Monday, December 5th (130)

"It is not a virus," Ritsuko slapped the table, almost spilling what was left of her coffee. "At least, not as we understand it. It acts like a virus, but that's just a vector for whatever the second stage is. It's almost like a prion, or maybe a slow virus?" Nodding, she looked to Maya, "The incubation period is indeterminate right now, because they're having a hard time finding someone in the early stages of infection. It's passed along at birth as well, just like the trigger genes for A…ten."

Amy could only nod, still devastated at how someone had used her species as the template for a virus that stood a very good chance at wiping out her new family's species within three generations, "They wanted to remove the possibility of you fielding any more of those…constructs. I think you will find that the only children with the ability to interface with them yet to be born…are in Suzuka."

"That's…not a terrible loss?" Maya wasn't sure how she felt about it, considering the horrors required to create one of the monstrosities, "Yes, they're horrifyingly effective weapons. No, the costs aren't worth it. As soon as we can figure out a way to, we're going to either free or destroy each of the cores. I can't imagine Shinji letting us do anything else. Creating _new_ cores? I can't see him accepting that as a plan under any circumstances. I mean, of all the problems this thing is causing, an inability to pilot Evas isn't near the top."

"You both are missing the point," the Mage rolled her eyes. "We know how the markers for A-ten are set. It was Adam's awakening that set that in motion. It was an entire field of study by one _Yui Ikari_. We can take a look at her work and see about getting some ideas for how to check for the signs of infection. If we can find uninfected populaces, we can locate the transmission vector, which allows us to find where this originated."

That excited Maya, "Which would allow us to clear Rose and Amy's crew! Good thinking, Senpai."

While not her intent, the extra benefit of not having anyone doubt the two women would be beneficial in the long run. Ritsuko simply turned back to her terminal and began to search for the records she needed. Shinji's determination that they help the Suzuhara mother was turning out to be something of a time saver in their current endeavor, as she had a series of files already earmarked for reading, when she had time to.

+++++ 15th Angel + 11: Monday, December 5th (130)

"That sounds like him," Akane looked to Misato for a second opinion. "He was approached with something that he might be responsible for, given a path to follow to supposedly make it right, and turned it around into a gift for several young women he has a long-standing romantic relationship with. It's Asuka, without the insane narcissism."

"You haven't met Minako-chan," Usagi muttered, too quiet for anyone to pick up.

Suzuka hadn't taken her eyes from a woman she was hearing existed as a warrior, capable of phenomenal destruction, "So, after bonding you all as one, he comes home." Looking to the other teens, who had come out of their respective rooms during the story to confirm that Shinji had been intending to tell people in the morning, "Talks to his wife, and fiancée, then to Minami-chan, then climbs in my bed to hold me as I sleep."

Minami, in an attempt to help, tried to correct a point, "He…uhm…we…."

"It can't be that bad, Minami-chan," Hikari moved over to soothe the young woman's growing anxiety. "This is Shinji we're talking about here. What happened when he talked to you?"

"We…he kissed me." Curling in on herself, she looked around at all of the women that had actual ties to him, "He said…the only reason we weren't…you know…that we didn't…."

"Shin-Shin would never have sex with someone that didn't have an appropriate tie to him, it's just not how he is." Usagi, using blunt, tactless, honesty to help someone who she saw as suffering shrugged, "There was more than once where I saw him dealing with huge blue balls, with women just throwing themselves at him, he never caved. It's why I've always…." It was a black mark in her soul, but one she had to admit to if she was going to be a partner to the women before her, "He is a stain on my conscience. Endymion, the man who was reborn as Mamoru Chiba, and I were fated to be together forever. In many lives, there were reincarnations where he died tragically before the cycle could repeat. There was only ever one other man that I…loved, during those lives. I treated poor Shin-Shin as a 'side-piece', a temporary release, and he deserved so much better than that."

Misato frowned, though it was tinted with respect for a woman admitting her flaws, "Huh. So he comes home, wants a little action, is surrounded by women who would happily wake up and let him show them a great time, but is…what, too polite to wake us up? Where are we going with this?"

Rei comforted Fuuka, whose mood had dampened immensely as the obvious answer presented itself, "You might not remember, sub-commander, but for those who have not yet shared of his lusts but are tied to his soul, the experience of him mating with anyone else is graphic."

"He won't, not in the waking world," Hikari agreed. "He wants to spare poor Fuuka the experience, with everything that's been taken from her. Asking her first forays into the world of romance to be 'third person'? Can you really see him doing that?"

"So we go into his soul," Kodama shrugged. "That means it lasts longer, which is all the better."

Usagi tilted her head at the woman she recognized from more than one life as extremely jealous, "Would you expect him to invite someone into his soul, find they are stuck inside that soul, and then promptly do 'this and that' with another woman in the next room? This, again, is Shin-Shin we're speaking of."

"Things turned sideways on him," Yang shrugged. "Overwhelmed by five new additions, by a sudden attack of hormones, by guilt over what he had to do with Asuka, by worry and anxiety over the virus outbreak. I'd assume he was also feeling guilty, even though Hikari and I tried to calm him down, about having these five join at all," she gestured to Usagi. "He made a choice without consulting with all of us, which is a first for him. But, he made it with not only good intentions but to improve our chances of being safe. He's being hard on himself, like he always is, and can't 'work it off' like he has been lately. Boom, fugue."

"We need solutions, then," Misato attacked the problem now that she had good intel. She considered Usagi carefully, "I'm guessing that the five of you aren't all interested in one another that way?"

Twin tails shook slowly, "Despite rumors and innuendo that constantly spring up around us, no. I am not embarrassed to admit that while my friends are fantastically gorgeous, wonderful women…I don't feel that way about them."

"And there's no shame in that," Hikari stepped in. "But that means that he can't retreat there and ask one of _them_ for help, because while they're all stuck in there, they'd be aware of what he was doing. They may not mind, he would."

"Do we know of any Lilin that might be interested in joining?" Rei frowned, "One may not balance the scales completely, but one more on the opposing side might at least ease the pressure."

Minami saw Hikari look at her, and responded automatically, "No. I don't…I don't want to join because it's convenient. I don't want to doubt, like he said, every morning when I look at myself in the mirror. If I don't fit, then I'd rather suffer the rest of my life knowing I didn't fit than thinking that I was only here because I was standing _right here_ this morning."

"Child, you've spent the past several days proving that you fit," Suzuka wasn't in the mood for hysterics or nonsense. "You have been honest in your intentions, you have worked hard to lift up the more fragile members of this household, and you have volunteered the truth regardless of how it might sway us one way or another in our estimation of you. He brought you to his wives' attention because he enjoys your company. He asked his wives to gauge your merit. As tends to be around him, your presence might have been the solution for a problem that was forthcoming. The remedy placed in a capsule that would decay at just the right moment, when needed most."

"Or, to put it another way," Misato added, "congratulations. You got Creation'd." Looking at the others that had pieces of his soul, she asked the question tersely, "Objections?"

Only one spoke, as unexpected as her voice was, "What does Shinji-sama prefer?"

"Free will," Hikari kept Minami in a hug, but turned them both to face Fuuka. "He would prefer that everyone approach the situation calmly, and do what they feel is right. Minami-chan wants to join. She has _wanted_ to join. But, and this is to her credit, she has not _pushed_ to join. She was perfectly ready to wait, to take her time and enjoy getting to know everyone. What we are asking her now, is to sacrifice that waiting period. To accept her part in his soul, and to abide by the guidelines that entails. If she can help bring balance to the man we all love, then I will welcome her gladly."

Usagi spoke up next, "There were several lives where you were an absolute brat to him, Kajima-san. But I do remember several where your mother hadn't passed and you were more even-tempered. You were at least a school friend of his, and helped him when people broke his heart. If the Class Representative is supporting you, I have to assume you're closer to the second than the first. She's always had a decent eye for a person's qualities."

"Let's go have a quick chat," the Class Rep wanted to ease thing for everyone, and had her doubts as to Creation's part in things. "Just you and me, so there's less peer pressure, ok?"

"If it would not bother you, one Princess to another, I would like to join you," Usagi gestured to herself. "As someone with the same multitude of memories as Shin-Shin, I can probably help with what you're thinking. And," she brightened, "I can apologize for stealing your cookies that one time!"

+++++ 15th Angel + 11: Monday, December 5th (130)

"Was this woman…sane?" Amy frowned at the various calculations written down in the journals Yui had published, "I do not intend that as a pejorative, but an honest interrogative…. Was she fundamentally in her right mind?"

Ritsuko snorted, "Considering who she married, the quippy answer is 'No'."

Maya was more measured about the woman that would have been her mother in law, "Genius and insanity walk a fine path, often holding hands. Her perspective on the world was lost, as few people survived long enough to write a biography of her limited years on this Earth with any knowledge to really give. The physical records are all redacted, and I doubt that the one source of information we have to interview is…free of bias."

"Looking at these records, I…." Amy blinked, "When did she die?"

"The contact experiment was October sixth, two thousand and four. But saying that she 'died' then is misleading…at least we believe so," Ritsuko shrugged. "You'd have to ask Lily, she's the one who claimed her soul from Unit-01."

Rolling her hand worriedly, she pressed for more data, "What year is it? Your orbital period, it's three hundred and sixty five rotations, give or take?"

"Twenty eighteen," Maya offered, perplexed but not unwilling to humor someone that had not proven frivolous. "And yes, three sixty five point two five days, round about. How specific do you need?"

"Four extra rotations, with moderate instability causing extra drag…that is…." Scrubbing her fingers through her hair, she tried to make the number something it wasn't, "That is not in an approach window. Anything trying to vector in would be visible to your telescopes as it occluded nearby planets. They lied…." Anger grew on her face, "Those [Song] lied to us!" Slamming down the odd device she carried around that enabled her to contact her ship, she shook with visible fury, "We weren't sent here ta prevent this. We were sent here ta murder you!"

+++++ 15th Angel + 11: Monday, December 5th (130)

Standing downstairs, in the laundry and gym area of the house, Hikari kept her voice low to avoid anyone overhearing, "You weren't brought here by Creation, Minami." While she hated having to seem manipulative, she wasn't above doing what was necessary to push things along, "Shinji actually talked to me after the three of us ate at that small restaurant, he said specifically that he wanted to treat that date as an audition. He likes you. How much, I don't know. But he likes you enough that he was willing to reach out to you after everything you'd done to give you a chance."

"He said that he brought me in because he wanted to see if we worked." Minami frowned, a concept on the edge of her understanding coming to mind, "But couldn't that just be…what is that called…."

"Reverse psychology," Princess Serenity offered. "And no, it is not. King Ikari does not lie to the Duchess Ikari. Not now, not ever. If Creation was manipulating someone into position, it was him. And if he was being manipulated into position, then you are intended. If he was not, then he would like you to add your talents to ours. Either way, your presence has given us a chance to fix what my friends and I broke."

Frowning, she looked at the woman that was ten times too pretty to be real, "King?"

Hikari demonstrated that she was no idiot, "He has responsibility now for the Moon Kingdom. That makes him a King, if of a foreign land. Focus, Minami. When he wakes up, I'm telling him we approve. What are you afraid of? Is it honestly that you feel you don't deserve to be here? Because I'm going to be completely honest with you, _I_ don't deserve to be here."

"Nor do I," the other Princess shrugged sadly. "Hikari was the pathway to Shinji's hopes for his life. She was also the architect of those hopes' demise. It is my fault that he's going to be taking on the responsibility for even more women. Women he will love deeper than the vast reaches of space, but still more women than the _one_ he wanted."

"If he and you had ended up together, instead of he and I? It's possible that we'd all be dead, it's also possible that he'd be happy. I can't live my life looking over my shoulder at the past, I have to accept that it's on my back and carry it, and all of you, forward," the freckle-faced beauty declared firmly. "We don't get to mope about in regrets, worrying about what might have been. We have to make what is, and what's next, that much better. So tell me, right now, what are you afraid of?"

The fashion focused 'Gyaru' dry washed her hands for a few seconds, unspoken thoughts clearly running about her mind. She knew the answer, she likely knew several, but she wasn't vocalizing them out of a combination of social stasis and personal worry. As her anxiety spiked, her mouth opened a few times before closing just as rapidly, eventually leading to her squeaking out, "What everyone thinks of me…."

+++++ Author's Note:

Sorry folks, no lengthy notes this time. Life has taken a bad turn, and I am focusing on managing the repercussions. I'll hopefully be able to put up story segments still, but financially it may not be viable for a while. Again, my apologies.


	150. Chapter 150

+++++ 15th Angel + 11: Monday, December 5th (130)

Maya's day was not going well, and considering it was not even yet time for breakfast she had little hope that it would climb out of 'not going well' to 'at least I'm not under direct enemy fire'. Making a note on her tablet to ask either Amy, or the woman she was yelling at, to teach her their language so she could understand them when they became as enraged as they were that they were singing at each other in their native tongue, she waited patiently to speak to Rose, or the ship's doctor, in Japanese. Or even English. Or French. A language she could understand, really, would be lovely, thank you.

"I'm hoping that I'm not alone in having no idea what they're talking about." Ritsuko continued reading, having taken a seat next to Maya to wait for the fireworks to end, "I'm also kind of hoping that they don't want me to seem shocked. Conveying deadly pathogens from one landmass to another has smoothed the path of any number of civilizations in eliminating local forces. 'Guns, germs, and steel', as the saying goes."

"An engineered sterility plague is an odd way to go about it, though," the Chief Scientist pointed out. "If they wanted us dead, all they'd have to do is turn their ship around in LEO and wash our atmosphere into space. Whatever engines that thing has, they have to generate a significant backwash. If it's radioactive, all the better. If they want the land, the planet, they could terraform. That was the Angels' plan, wasn't it?"

The former blonde shrugged, "Maybe they wanted to leave enough of us alive for slave labor. Or to take us to their planet full of sexy women for fetishists."

"You really need to spend more time with Shinji, or me, or Hikari…really, just find one of us and scratch that itch a little more often, Rits," Maya patted her former senpai's head. "It's clouding your brain with farfetched scenarios."

"Right, because the living, breathing, sex god we both live with is such a common occurrence. Him gathering an army of beautiful, intelligent, charming women to conquer the world with good looks, good talents, and good wit happens every Tuesday. Because it just so happens that the one extraterrestrial species we meet could pass easily as cosplay supermodels on our planet." Looking up at her former kohai with a disparaging snort, she added, " _Super_ common."

Changing the pat to a flick, she chastised her friend, "Be nice. If this is part of Creation's plan, or a counter to that plan, we're still engaging in guesswork. Let's focus on rational scenarios, assuming that this is an attack, rather than irrational scenarios. At least until we've exhausted all of the likely probabilities."

+++++ 15th Angel + 11: Monday, December 5th (130)

The world returned with a visual 'click'. Starting, as he wasn't where he thought he'd be, Shinji nearly upended the coffee table as his leg jerked forward. As was common, different senses came back online at different rates, and while he saw Misato's lips moving he didn't hear what she'd said. His hands were numb, since they too couldn't feel the presumably gentle touch she used to take them and hold them while she shared the million megawatt smile she had. All he had to go by was her scent, that oddly thrilling mixture of danger and caring she had about her, and the way she acted. Cutting through a lot of the traditional 'are you ok' nonsense, he reversed her grip and pulled her into his lap to hold tightly. _No. No I am not ok._

Perfectly content with letting him clutch her to his chest, Misato lifted her knees up to tuck her legs up by her side, _Talk to me, big guy. What's going on with my best man, hmm?_

 _Considering I feel Usagi-chan downstairs, I'm guessing you already know a part of it,_ he shuddered. _I made the call, Misato. I brought them in, without coming back and begging for permission. And that's the problem. I viewed it as…as begging! Coming here, talking to all of you about a decision that would impact you, sitting everyone down for a council, only to end up being told that it was either my choice, or be told that you agreed! Nothing I've done has ever led any of you to say 'No, Shinji. We don't want that.' Then I come home, and all I want to do is…._

 _I'd have helped you out,_ so far he hadn't said anything shocking. Hikari and Usagi proving quite capable of predicting their shared husband-boyfriend-lover, _But I understand why you don't want to. Fuuka-chan really does deserve a bit more time before she gets drowned in what everyone else has described. I'm just glad that you and I knocked that out as we bonded. I'm pretty sure I would have just kicked the door down and joined in with whomever you were sharing with, if we hadn't._ Her smile grew disarming, _Misa-chan doesn't play around when there's sex to be had._

 _You see?!_ Sitting back, he held her out at arm's distance, _You're even agreeing with me that it's a good idea to wait! Do you have any idea how terrifying it is to-_

Grasping his face between her hands, she shook him slightly, _Shinji, stop. Not that long ago we were telling you to pack it in when you were treating Fuuka like she was a burden. We ran directly over you with Sachiko Ozaki. You can even use the fact that we kept what happened to poor little Sakura away from you as evidence that we_ don't _think everything you do is just fine. You make good decisions. You're coming into your own as a leader. Trusting yourself is ten times harder than trusting someone else, and that's going to take time to get used to. Now, are you going to ask how I feel about our new teammates?_

His default expression, an unamused frown, reigned unopposed. He decided to take the opportunity to broaden his audience and include those women that were standing there worrying that he might be suffering badly, "How…how did it go over?"

"She's far too gorgeous for how young she is, and her voice and personality make me want to punch her for being so perfect," Misato grinned. "From what Sachiel's saying, she's going to be a real asset in protecting our squishy points when you take the field. Her…friends? The others, they seem like they offer advantages as well. With what we're staring down the barrel of, this was the right call."

"Sounds like the same advice as you've been given by Hikari," Yang added gently. "Sometimes you're going to need to make a judgement call. You turned potential enemies into allies, you took advantage of an opportunity as it came up to do so. When you wanted affection, you came home. I'm not seeing anything to be angry over here."

Kelly had come around behind him, and pulled his head back to stare up at her, "Stop being a daft git, you absolute headache of a man." Flicking his nose, she glared the point home, "Do you have any idea how hard it is to tell good stories of you when all you fill my head with is how broken you think yourself to be? Hmm? What kind of Poet has her best tales named 'Shinji the Ever Doubting' or 'Shinji the Waffle Master'? If I'm to tell your story to the world, I'd rather it be about the man I see comforting others! You have good things in your think-box. Stop doubting them!"

The harangue was as familiar as it was well delivered, only now delivered with an emerald glow about her as she accepted her place in his life. Lifting one hand from Misato, he held Kelly's to his cheek, "Tá mé i ngrá leat freisin. I'm sorry, Kelly. Right now, Shinji the Broken is trying to piece himself together. He's making a dog's dinner of it, in his own opinion."

"Well, we have some glue to help right now," Hikari announced, 'encouraging' Minami to walk into the room with Usagi's assistance. "As it turns out, you're suffering from an imbalance. Too many from Column B, not enough from Column A. Minami and I were discussing downstairs how the household works, what is expected of all of us, and that if she joins up she'll be expected to abide by the rules and do what she can to help everyone. She, as is perfectly reasonable, is worried that we wouldn't accept her because of how we started out. I've put those silly thoughts to rest, and have given her my approval to ask you."

Suzuka, well aware of the truth of the conversation downstairs, didn't correct the record outright, "She can be quite helpful, I agree. So long as she maintains motivation, I do not see any problems in having her join our family permanently."

"I don't have any problems with it," Kodama added quickly. "Rei-chan brought up a great point, that too many people tied to you from one side of Creation or the other is going to be like too much glucose and not enough insulin, or vice-versa. If Creation is seeking balance, then your body is going to start reacting terribly to imbalances. By my count, we're way over on one side. That we're lucky enough to have another woman who is willing to put in hard work around, and can help bring a little balance? I'm saying 'Yes'."

 _Light?_ He was confused, the songs of his household mostly unified in the action being taken, but covering over something that he couldn't place, _While I'm not…upset, what is this?_

 _If Creation tries to fill this void, we might end up with woefully unqualified candidates. Right now, within reaching distance, we have at least three women that have shown dedication, drive, and desire to help us._ She urged Minami forward, _You chose well, my love. She's got some rough edges, but even if all she does is sit up with you at night and listen to you get your thoughts out? I'll gladly welcome her into my home._ A small grin flashed, _It doesn't hurt that I think I can convince her to at least try you and I at the same time. Have you seen her without any clothes? Hot._

His wife's pragmatism, combined with her honesty, soothed a great deal of his anxiety. She wasn't just giving him something he might have wanted in hopes of making him happy, she was marrying that idea to what was needing to be done to address what Kodama said Rei had brought up. _I trust you._ "I see. Well, there's still one important thing to do." After carefully setting Misato on the couch next to him, he folded his hands in his lap and looked to Minami, "Everyone else has given their perspective. What do _you_ want, Minami? My wants are as dust. They've made their intent clear. That leaves you, who is no less important than anyone else."

"Your wants matter, you insufferable oaf," Kyoko plopped down on the seat next to him. "It does not kill us to hear that you want _her_. She's a lovely young woman, who's shown great kindness to der kinder. While I don't see her ever curing cancer, I'm almost positive that there's enough of a brain in her head to hold a decent conversation with her. If having her around is going to improve your happiness, then just admit it!"

Minami's eyes had widened, as she had not been expecting a woman to appear out of thin air. Caught, now, with yet another beautiful woman that decreased what little value she thought she might have brought to any union, her song began to waver in her dedication to spitting out the words needed to formalize the request.

Kelly moved from standing behind Shinji, to standing behind Kyoko. Placing her hands cautiously atop the now semi-corporeal being's shoulders, she squeezed and sighed in relief at not flowing right through her, "When did you learn to become solid, and why are you frightening the young woman we hope is about to ask him to join us?"

"I've spent the last…soul months? Can we call them 'soul' units of time, to make this easier on me as a scientist?" Grinning like a woman who'd just won the lottery, she looked up at the redheaded former naval officer and winked, "I've spent the last several soul months learning how these five miscreants manage it. And I'm teasing her, because I'm in a good mood." Looking back down to Minami, she inclined her head politely, "Good morning, dear. My name is Kyoko Ikari, and I am proof that my husband can forgive almost anything. To answer your question, yes. I am dead. Death, at least around him, hasn't proven to be a significant barrier. Now, kindly ask him to join so that I can hug you and we can be about eating breakfast. If you're nice, I'll even show you how to really crank his engine."

"Miscreants?" Usagi frowned, purposefully misunderstanding the word, "We are not heretics. Ami just doesn't automatically believe every superstition around!"

Minami looked between the two women, then to Shinji, "Do…can…."

Standing, with a sigh, Shinji offered an out to the woman who was clearly still needing some time to adjust to the shocks that existing in his sphere of influence could produce, "Would you mind helping me make breakfast?" Expanding that offer to include Rei and Fuuka, he developed the beginnings of a plan, "Fuuka, would you mind helping Rei into the kitchen? I'd like to work on her coordination, and spend some time with you before school."

+++++ 15th Angel + 11: Monday, December 5th (130)

"Yes, I have known about this possibility for a few [Song]," Rose admitted, once more speaking in a language that was understood by more than one person in the room. "It's what prompted me to start observing him more directly. My personal mission orders were given to me by one of the Judges directly, not the full Scales. Our group's mission was profiled by four out of the seven. When we arrived, and there was no chance of us intercepting the creation of the first monster…I had my doubts that we had been given complete honesty. The only reason I didn't say more, is because when I reported our failure I was told that it had been 'accepted as possible'."

"And you said nothin' ta me?" Amy was still furious, "We brought their death ya self-centered [Song]! I coulda spent this whole time developin' an antigen that woulda at least bought us time ta-"

The ship's captain leaned heavily on her fists, standing behind the desk and glaring pain at her ship's doctor, "And how, exactly, was I supposed to know that you weren't just like my [Song] XO? I didn't trust any of you to not immediately back her recommendation of sanitizing the planet! Not to mention I didn't know about the [Song] virus, just that we might have been given extermination orders! The Judge who pulled me into this nonsense specifically told me not to take such extreme steps. Completion of our primary mission almost mandated I ignore those orders! Orders directly from a Judge!"

Maya positioned herself behind Rose, and hugged the taller woman tightly, "You were suffering alone, uncertain of what you'd been told, or who you could trust." When her pink-skinned wife tensed, she just hugged tighter, "Which is why you were so hard on Shinji. Which is why you melted so quickly when you realized that he was doing his best to save everyone's lives. I'd always wondered how he'd managed to seduce you that easily."

Ritsuko, doing her part, hugged the back of the much shorter doctor's head against her impressive secondary assets, "Compartmentalizing information is essential to command, Amy. If the mission profile changed, then it only makes sense that she had to consider what sharing that information would do. If she would have lost part of the crew to mutiny by announcing that your actions weren't 'fully authorized', then she made the right call. With how several members of your crew have acted, it's not a shock that she was worried. Imagine having to explain herself to Shinji before they'd built a rapport. Before he had even had a sliver of trust for any non-Lilin lifeforms."

Reaching up and hanging her hands off of Ritsuko's wrists, the doctor let herself be comforted physically…but not emotionally, "How long did you know about this [Song]?"

"Two [Song]," Rose ground out. "That traitorous [Song] that stabbed our [Song] in his heart crowed about how [Song], the one you know as 'Gentle', Maya, had managed to sneak it into an atmospheric river on a meteor that exploded above the surface of that nearby enormous landmass several revolutions ago. My [Song] counterpart from this [Song] reality has engaged in _unwarranted genocide_ at the whims of those [Song] supposed gods! And there isn't a [Song] thing I can do about it!" Shuddering as rage and sorrow fought for supremacy, she looked down to the desk, "I will never wash this stain off, doctor. He trusted me to help him save his people…he's offered to help save ours…and I…." Drawing in a deep breath, she reached behind her to pat Maya's arm, "I need to get back to the trial. She's guilty. There can't be any other verdict. Right now, I'm just getting as much intel as I can before I bring her down to Shinji for her punishment."

Ritsuko immediately mirrored Maya's surprise, "I'm not certain Shinji's the right person to punish anyone, Rose. His punishments tend to be light, and she did have a hand in something slightly more damning than forgetting to use the front door."

"He will do his duty," she declared, freeing herself from Maya's hug. "Or I will remind him of it." Leaning down, and kissing her shorter wife, she whispered in a pained voice, "I love you so badly, Maya. Please…find a way to redeem my name." With that plea uttered, she returned to her ship and her duty.

Standing where she had been, and still poised as if yearning to embrace a woman she knew needed more comfort than she'd just received, Maya clenched her fists, "Ok. Here's how we're doing this. Amy, I want you to go back to your ship and scour all of your records for anything useful. You even so much as put the letters 'U' and 'P' near the number three and I will never so much as _think_ about being in the same house as you and Shinji again. Ritsuko, we're going to need to shift the MAGI cycles off of weapons development for this. Tell Engineering that Misato will be in touch, and get the cores ready to process what Amy's bringing down." When they failed to move swiftly enough for her, she clapped her hands, "Like you have a purpose, ladies. Humanity is not dying on our watch. We are Ikaris, let's act like it!"

+++++ 15th Angel + 11: Monday, December 5th (130)

"You're doing great, Rei-chan," Minami was quick to praise the bluenette's efforts. "I'm taking my own time here, because I don't want to mess up senpai's cooking."

Having felt out the diameter of the bowl, Rei kept her whisking motions light per Shinji's instructions, "We shall practice until our talents are not below expectations. If I do not misunderstand your intent, you would prefer to find your place in the house, correct?"

"It'd be better to know how I fit in, yeah," she smiled over to the woman who couldn't see it, before realizing that, making a face, and clenching her eyes shut in self-reproach. "I know that he wants me to ask… _I_ want to ask. But…where do I fit in here? Am I really someone he wants?"

Rei nodded simply, "To answer your question, yes. He desires your affection, and seeks your company of his own free will. To clarify my question, I meant that you would prefer your 'Role', such as they define it, to be within the house. A housewife, of a sort. You have no aspirations outside of the Manor, finding greater potential for fulfillment in assuring that the Manor itself is prepared to accept anyone, guest or family, best."

Minami's mouth formed an 'O' as she understood the distinction, "Kinda…yeah. I mean, don't get me wrong…Tsuru-chan wanting to go into Chemistry? That's totally cool. Yang-chan wanting to take courses in conflict resolution and management? I can absolutely see her being great at that. Hikari-chan should totally become a teacher. She's got a great style, and I think she'd set little kids up for future success better than mine did…though that's not a high bar to hurdle, I guess."

"I do not judge you poorly for having ambitions towards domesticity, please do not mistake my intent. I am attempting to ease your mind regarding the incongruity," offering what she'd produced to Minami, she waited patiently for her bowl to be exchanged for the next. "If you find joy in learning how to be one who supports others, then that is where your joy is found. Tsuru-san was pushed to become a Chemist because she had been programmed to expect that her lot in life lay under her husband as required to produce more children. She _desired_ more than that. Your desires, or lack thereof, provide you greater leeway in his mind. He will not insist you aspire to something you are not suited towards aspiring to."

She helped Rei set the next bowl down where the blind pilot would know the layout, "So…you think he'd be ok with me just working hard around here? Doing laundry, vacuuming, helping him cook, taking Pen-Pen on walks…you know, making sure that his little fish tank he calls home is in good order so that he can go out and kick bad guys in the face?" Preparing the next ingredients, she couldn't keep the smile off her face at the thought of it, "I don't want to be more complicated than that, really. When he needs me to get up in the middle of the night to listen to him talk about how the people writing him are being silly, that's fulfilling. I can see myself helping Suzuka-san get some more sleep, by helping her change diapers. I used to babysit, you know. Good way to make a little money, if the man of the house likes looking at younger girls in shorter skirts."

Rei nodded slowly, "Taking advantage of your assets to accrue greater financial reward…cunning."

Coughing out a laugh, and stifling the rest behind her fist, Minami tried not to look over to see how much Shinji had heard, "That wasn't what I thought you'd say, Rei-chan. I shouldn't have done that, because who knows if they would have tried something. It wasn't safe, and they might not have been able to afford that extra money."

"You do not garner responsibility for their lack of morals, nor for their lack of self-control. I will agree that it was dangerous, especially had you made promises you never intended to fulfill. However, if all you did was dress in a less socially approved manner around those males that had wandering eyes, I would not see you as guilty of harm." She tilted her head, "Though it might be difficult to imagine your skirts as shorter than I remember them being. Your thighs are rather pleasantly shaped, and your uniform skirt was two sizes smaller than regulations would indicate."

" _Rei-chan_ ," blushing, Minami lightly swatted her conversational partner on the upper arm, "were you ogling me?"

"Yes." Turning to face where she believed the sighted woman to be, she raised one eyebrow, "I make no distinction between primary sexual characteristics in my analysis of attractiveness. You were, when I last saw you, perhaps the third most attractive woman in our school, including teachers."

"Third," saying the word as if uncertain of its depth, she pursed her lips. "I can accept that. Top three is never a bad ranking, since everything is subjective when you start talking about things like this. There are some girls in school that have been saying that Shinji isn't the hottest guy. I think they're insane, but if he doesn't do it for them…he doesn't do it for them." Ducking over for a quick hug, she shared her affection for the woman she'd once referred to as a 'Scary Cyborg', "You're a good woman, Rei Ayanami. Thank you for talking to me. I think I understand why senpai wanted us to work together."

"Because he requested that I calm you down enough to think clearly again," she reported into Minami's shirt. "His emotional state is fragile at the moment, and your excess of anxiety was inducing similar in him. After you ask for his bond, you will understand."

Letting her forehead rest atop the crown of Rei's head, she sighed, "Here I thought we were bonding."

"We are. I am capable of multitasking, when not encumbered by physical displays of affection. I simply refuse to be dishonest with someone I presume shares my desire to become closer friends." Tilting her head slightly, she lifted her lips into a slight smile, "Especially one who might be convinced to go to bed with both Shinji and I at some point for increased stimulation during intercourse."

Minami's blush was near total.

+++++ 15th Angel + 11: Monday, December 5th (130)

At the same time, though on the other side of the kitchen, Shinji was carefully working Fuuka's hands to show her proper technique, "There, you're getting it." Balancing his stance so that he sheltered her without pressing himself against her as he might one of the others in his soul, he shoved himself into the role of an honorable husband. Those that had counseled him were not wrong in that he'd been distant from the amber-eyed socially-stunted beauty, "Don't worry about speed. Speed comes with practice, and nicked fingers come from excessive haste. It took me a while to get used to it myself."

Fuuka was in a state of pure joy at being held as she was. The care, the restraint, the gentle nature of the giant man that stood behind her and acted as the man she'd dreamed of marrying was nearly too much for her to handle. Applying every last ounce of control and grace she possessed, she was determined to make the most out of what was likely to be a rare occurrence due to the volume of responsibilities she knew he held, "I apologize for my clumsiness, Shinji-sama. Might it be possible for you to direct me through the next one as well?"

His voice lowered, though gained an amused tone, "You could always just ask that I stand where I am as you try, you know. I may not be willing to push forward at the speed…many of the other ladies have wanted, but I don't mind trying to meet you part way on affection."

She wanted to cry. His night had been terrible, his day had started with a fugue that reduced him to an empty shell, and now he stood behind her doing everything he could to ensure that she was sheltered, guided, and loved. His greatness knew no bounds. "I…am amenable to whatever you should choose." Those weren't the words she wanted, but every time she tried to use a word that even seemed to indicate that she might want something, her spine began to sizzle with the pain she never wished to experience again.

Carefully maneuvering his arms so that he wouldn't interfere with her actions, he settled his hands just above her hips to hold her loosely, "Just as I am amenable to whatever you choose. We need to meet each other part way. It is important to me to hear what you want, or don't want. I'm navigating in the blind, with you. You and I…I don't want to compare our traumas, but I was beaten as a child for doing anything wrong. I understand…kind of, the theory at least, what they tried to do to you. All I want, all I'll ever want, is to give you what you deserve."

If she died, at that moment, she doubted she would have ever had experienced purer joy. She was his world. She was his focus. The fear she lived with her whole life, that she would end up with someone who would never look at her as more than simply ornamentation, was evaporated like mist in the blazing morning sun. "It would be…more appropriate for you to guide our course."

"I see, I see," his voice gave no hint as to his emotions as he spoke the words. "Then, our course is this: you will tell me one thing you want, more than anything else in the world. In exchange, I will tell you one thing I want. I promise, that if I do not want to work towards yours, we won't. If you don't want to work towards the thing I want, we won't. I'll know, without you saying anything, how you feel on what I bring up. I'll tell you honestly how I feel about yours. We'll go back and forth until we can find something to work on, together. And we'll both agree to not repeat ourselves." Tilting his massive frame so he was in her peripheral vision, he smiled with confident hope, "Sound fair?"

Fair or not, she would give in to his request, "It is as you say."

Squeezing his hands lightly, to encourage her, he moved back to watch her motions, "Great. Then, you go first. What is the one thing you want more than anything else? Something we can work towards."

There was no hesitation in her reply, "To be truly loved, by the man who lifted me out of a terrifying situation."

"That…will be something I promise I am working towards." Kissing the top of her head, with all the care he could muster, he sighed into her hair, "If I were any lesser of a man, Fuuka…if I were any lesser." Standing back up tall, he kept his end of the deal, "I would like it if you told me, once a day, something that was on your mind. It doesn't have to be major, or even important. Just a way for you and me to learn how to speak with one another."

A part of her failed to understand how this was the one thing he wanted more than anything else, the side of her that had spent time with Rei, however, looked deeper than the surface motivations. He was attempting to connect with her, in a way that wasn't physical. He had full access to her person, her emotions, and her surface-level thoughts…but he had been denied her words by the training she'd been raised with. She had been intended to be seen, and never heard. He, more than anything else, wanted to hear her speak with her own voice, so that he could help her fly with her own wings, "The other morning I was comparing the bedding in my room to the bedding gifted to me by Madame Xu. I was curious as to whether my sheets were those given to everyone, or if they were intended for me specifically. They are pleasant on my skin, and I find myself lying in bed longer than is proper to enjoy them more."

He knew he was a lucky man, in many respects. That the cotton sheets Hikari preferred pleased Fuuka to the degree they did was the thing that few people would think important. Most people, he maintained, were fools, "What's your favorite color?"

+++++ 15th Angel + 11: Monday, December 5th (130)

"That is no longer a matter I have under my control, Commander," Gretchen von Ortenburg, jet lagged and tired, sat in Kozo's office with a cup of Irish Coffee in her hand. "My boss, who is all of our boss, has pulled the trigger. The Emperor of your nation, a wonderful country that I hope will take profoundly good care of me, has pressed a number of key individuals, that according to your Constitution actually run your government with the blessing of its people, into agreeing with the declaration. What remains of the UNHC has no choice but to go along, or risk everything flying apart. Nine of thirteen Secretaries were arrested. Thirty seven of fifty two Assistant Secretaries. The list grows as you descend. General Benoit left your area only to drop an enormous bomb in the upper echelons, and now I am here to make certain that as little damage as possible happens to the one hope for global peace."

Feeling older than his already advanced years, Kozo Fuyutsuki was well past the point that he felt the need to pretend. His position, for the most part, had become bureaucratic. He made certain that the people beneath him were still moving as they ought to, were paid as they ought to be, and remembered that despite his successes, Shinji Ikari was not invulnerable. Taking another drink, he smiled amiably, "You'll want to be careful, Madame Secretary. Irony of this caliber has a way of backfiring."

"Is it at all possible to ask if he would consider coming in after school? I truly don't want to drop this on him there, and sitting in the one space on Earth that he should feel safest, his home, to ruin his life just smacks me as a gross violation of even the most basic of his human rights." She stared into her coffee, "I had honestly hoped to be able to, once all of this was over, sit and talk with him. Find common ground. Perhaps, even if it was belated, try to develop a friendship with him. He is a good man, with a good heart. That he hasn't had positive reinforcement for ninety nine percent of his life is a crime."

"He has adapted," he sent off a question to Misato, expecting that she would ask Shinji if he could spare an hour. "I do not doubt that he will be more than willing to spend time with you. He is indeed a good man, and listens well to those with the experience to share." Holding up his hand slightly, he smiled with polite grace, "Not, Madame, that I am indicating you are 'old'."

Her return smile was more of a grimace, "At fifty years of age, I would count myself as 'old', good sir. I am nearly thrice his age, and as polite as he is I do not doubt that he _views_ me as 'old' too."

"That, I would take a bet on. One hundred Deutschmarks says that you will hear him honestly state that you are not 'old' by any margin." Gesturing with two fingers towards her, he grinned, "In exchange, should I need to pay you I will do so with twice the wager."

"I cannot in good conscience condone betting," she laughed. "Especially since I know I would lose that particular bet." Noting that he looked to his phone as it buzzed, she rolled her hand, "Will he be available?"

"For a limited engagement, apparently he and Sub-Commander Katsuragi have a dinner date with Alpha Company." It eased the weight of the news he'd received to know that Shinji was still reaching out and trying to be a better public figure, "Morale boost for the troops, and I would presume someone preparing him for ascending further still up the ladder we've shoved him on."

+++++ 15th Angel + 11: Monday, December 5th (130)

The first part of the school day had led to discomforting news, in that their classroom was three students lighter. It hadn't escaped his notice that part of that was less shocking, in that Kensuke Aida had been announced as withdrawing from school, and his emphatic comment upon that discovery had precipitated a number of exploratory text messages to gather further data to prevent a complete blow-up of the day, "I'm _not_ defending him, Light."

"I know you're not, my love," keeping her voice down, and her back to the blackboard so that her lips were sheltered by his mass and his were facing away from the majority of the class, the premiere woman in his life focused on soothing him while Yang and Tsuru played their parts to find the truth. "What I need you to do, though, is remember that you aren't in a good place right now. Your balance is off. You and Minami agreed to talk at lunch, all you need to do is make it through to then. Focus on that as a goal, and in return we'll make certain that nobody did anything they shouldn't have. If this went wrong, we'll work with you to make it as right as we can. If this was a natural progression from his poor decisions, you'll have a reason for being upset _at him_. Ok?"

"I _hate_ everything about this. He should have known better. He should never have had to deal with something that…that a _kid_ like him wasn't ready for. He was immature, because he was sheltered from the world around him. I _hate_ this." Having repeated himself, he clenched his eyes shut and took a deep breath, "You're right. Let's just focus on the class and drive on. She'll ask, when she's ready."

The fact that the last statement hadn't followed logically from the first was directly related to Hikari's thought that he'd be better off if he bonded Minami. That the lack of Lilin to balance out the Adamite, meant that he was going to be dealing with the chronic highs and lows. However, like the Princess she was, she simply patted his chest, "I know she will. And you'll give her the answer she deserves, one way or the other. I will support you, either way."

Exhaling violently through clenched teeth, he kept his statement in the silent channel between them, _I'm going to fuck up. I'm going to get angry over something, I'm going to bond someone who doesn't want to be, I'm going to ruin the rest of their fucking life because that's what I do. I get anxious, I make stupid decisions because I can't control myself. Why am I here today?_

Deciding that maintaining her husband's sanity was more important than maintaining appropriate social boundaries, she smoothed her hands across his chest, _No, stop. You have been conditioned, by life and your own thoughts, to expect failure of yourself. You need to stop thinking of what has happened as immutable failures, because none of the women that have been bonded to you do. Not one of them is secretly loathing you. I spent all day yesterday talking to everyone in our house, and they are excited,_ excited! _An eternity of learning about the world, about each other, about things that they'd never have time to otherwise. Yes, we're dealing with a low right now because of your imbalance. No, that imbalance was not a bad decision. Listen to my voice, Shinji. I'll talk to you all day, and I'll walk you through the minefield. If you start to feel like panicking, reach over and hold my hand. To borrow your words, fuck the class. Today, they're on their own._

He could feel surety radiating from her, and as he opened his eyes again to see her smiling up at him with all of the love in her heart, _I love you…I love you so much it hurts._

 _Funny,_ her smile was both playful and victorious, _I recently said just that same thing about_ you _._

+++++ 15th Angel + 11: Monday, December 5th (130)

"Ok, Misato is smart. She can do the think brain stuff from time to time. This is _way_ above Misato's power level. Dumb it down for the new kid, so I can help you out," leaning hard against Ritsuko, gripping her upper arms and holding her focus, the lavender-haired sub-commander emphasized the 'help' portion of the sentence firmly.

"With a bunch of qualifiers not in play in this one-oh-one course, men get 'Y' chromosomes women get 'X'," the former blonde slapped her friend playfully on the tits to get her to back up. "The male of our former species is responsible for providing that 'Y' chromosome. The virus, for lack of a better and more descriptive term, has prevented upwards of eighty six percent of males globally from producing that 'Y'. This same virus, when exposed to a female, attacks the eggs that are fertilized by the male in a way that hardens their shell and significantly reduces their ability to conceive. We need the MAGI working on unfolding the various protein samples we've gathered from infected staff locally, instead of working on the weapons you're requesting. With full attention from the non-critical portions of the cores, we could have a preliminary working plan in six months."

Misato shook her head, "And in six months without weapons we could be dead via invasion. Rits, I get that we need to balance resources here, but are you the only person capable of doing this? If more of Amy's people," checking herself, she held out a hand to the beleaguered doctor in a pacifying gesture, "species, not your crew. I apologize, Doctor, I don't mean to imply that you had a hand in this."

"We did, though," sheltered by Maya's arms as the Lieutenant Colonel stood behind her, the alien doctor was unsparing in her criticism of herself. "We brought this here. We held the people in our ship. We allowed this…horror to be unleashed on a world that was unlikely to ever develop interstellar travel. You were not a threat to anyone but yourselves, save for Shinji. And he is not a threat to anyone except those who would threaten others. You are not mistaken to worry about us, [Song]. At least three times now we have attacked. We need to be worried about a fourth."

Unhappy with how the point had been made, but willing to accept that it had been made, Misato turned back to Ritsuko, "I get that you want to fix this, Rits. But short term I am looking at a series of combat actions that I have little more than one Eva, a pissed off boyfriend, and maybe six women capable of fielding against. I _need_ these weapons, or all your cure is going to do is lead to some unplanned abortions."

"Half, then," Maya countered. It had been her plan to begin with, but she allowed Ritsuko to argue the beginning of it to set the table for her to be 'the reasonable one' to stop Misato from asking for more. "We split the cycles in half, pushing forward with both weapons development and anti-viral medicine. If we don't act aggressively on the virus, Misato, we're looking at the end of the species just as clearly as if they were killed with a boot to the neck. Each megacycle not spent on this issue risks pushing us back at least three months. In five years we'll have a gaping hole in our generational cycle that may be unrecoverable. In ten years without sufficient births to replace those who die? No good ends. The other facilities working this issue have excellent people, of course, but they don't have _us_. In this room we have some of the finest minds on the planet. If we can bring more in, we'd improve our standing further, but without the ability to do that we're stuck using the MAGI. Help us by shopping around for some people that aren't glory hounds or untrustworthy, we'll give on the weapons development, and I'll even make certain to dedicate some time to it myself."

"Doctor So…well, Doctor Ikari I guess now, would be of immense help," Ritsuko offered. "But I'm not sure how you'd manage to have her here without Shinji, and he's still pretending to learn things at school."

Misato nodded, "Ok. We'll try this for a while. If I feel that weapons R and D is lagging too much, I'm sorry, but I'll make the call I need to." Scrubbing her cheeks, she groaned loudly, "I'll talk to Shinji myself. If Kyoko is going to be useful here…I may just need to pull him no matter what the UN says."

+++++ 15th Angel + 11: Monday, December 5th (130)

Shinji's nervous energy had infected the room, the ladies with him noticed quickly that the feedback loop was requiring more than just Hikari's help and had began to operate as a tag team to stop him from focusing so much on any song but their own. Ireul, invisible to any but those tied to his soul, moved around the room and reduced people's fears subtly, without changing their core personality. Sahaquiel, now successfully able to shrink down to any size she wished, ran back and forth on Shinji's desk to distract him from time to time herself.

It was a balancing act, and one that Hikari worried over having to hold together for too long, but she had long since made her choice regarding supporting the man who kept them all alive and failure was no more an option for her than him. At the tail end of the third period, with the teacher dismissing the class early, she stood up and stretched appealingly in a manner that forced him to look at her, "Ugh, what a day! It's like our Sunday break was five minutes long and we were right back at it before we knew it, right?"

Morimoto, sensing that something was wrong with the focal point of the class, laughed with a natural roar, "I spent all day yesterday running equipment for my dad, Class Rep. I know exactly what you mean. I didn't even get a chance to call my girl until the sun had gone down!"

Watching her husband frown, she kept the conversation moving, "I didn't know you were dating anyone, Morimoto-kun. Who's the lucky lady to catch the fastest man on the Track Team?"

Smiling with a blush, the young man scrubbed the back of his head, "You wouldn't know her. She's home schooled because of a…well…." He shrugged, "She lost her legs when she was younger."

"Wait," one of the few other men called out, "the lady who was at the meet last week? Short brown hair, wears glasses, was sitting under a bright red blanket?"

"That's her," Morimoto nodded. "Probably cheering her heart out, because she has one volume and it isn't 'quiet'." The room laughed with him, "We're…uh…." Drawing a deep breath, he caught Shinji's eye, "We've been friends for a long time. My dad had me help her mom out as often as possible. With how Class Rep and her hubby have managed things…and with how everything's going with the world, I…kinda…."

"Ask her," Minami asserted firmly. "If you want forever, Morimoto-kun, the best time to ask is now. The second best time to ask is _right now_. I think trusting your gut is better than paralyzing yourself with worry over stupid things that will be resolved over time. So long as you're not worrying over _major_ things, like 'We get in fights constantly, but she kisses great', then the little things are resolvable. You've never struck me as the type of guy that would involve himself with someone who brings a lot of static to a relationship, so ask."

Shinji nodded slowly, "You're a good man, Morimoto-kun. If you think you can live your life, while helping her live hers, then do what you feel is best. Remember…you matter too. Your dreams, your wants, don't…don't do what I do. I shove everything I want away, bury it deep inside. I do that…I do that so that all of you don't have to. If this young lady is someone you dream of sharing a life with, share your life. _Share_ …don't surrender."

"My fiancé is very good about making sure to support us in living our lives," Yang stepped in smoothly. "He knows that all he has to do is ask if he wants something and we'll make sure it happens, but with how much he has to take care of personally it's hard for him to find the time to do those things he wanted to do. Music, art, cooking…he has to be ready to defend us, all of us, so he doesn't get to spend the time on them he wants. The best way to make him happy, is to surround him with smiles. Nothing improves his mood more than seeing someone feel like the world is a little better with him around."

A young lady piped up, "He helped my mom just yesterday! Gave her some money to buy a medical brace for my dad." Hefting a sizable package from the chair behind her, she set it out for display, "She asked that I give this to you, but I was going to do it at the lunch break instead of forcing you to have it on your desk all day. She spent all night making it for you, and it's kinda big. Had to ask my boyfriend to carry it for me."

"That was very nice of her," Hikari kept her tone free of any ill-intent. She understood that the 'boyfriend' comment was intended to prevent anyone from asking _why_ her mother did the thing she did. Especially since she knew that the young woman in question was far more likely to have a _girl_ friend than anything else. "Though she really didn't have to go to all that effort. Shinji chooses what he does with the money he earns."

The man in question looked down at his hands, "I need to do more." Shaking off the thought, he returned to his conversation with Morimoto, "If you love her, then there's no shame in marrying her. But don't let fear drive either of you to doing something you don't want to do. Minami-chan's not wrong…the little things can be smoothed over. The major ones, those are what you need to be worried about. I am who, and what, I am. No matter how badly the women in my life wish I wasn't."

+++++ 15th Angel + 11: Monday, December 5th (130)

"She's not responding." Scowling at the monitor showing the 'she' in question, Maya hated that Asuka had seemingly sunk into a fugue herself. The redhead hadn't moved, hadn't shown an inclination towards moving, and it was only the need to set up her teams for success that kept her from going and trying to work with the young woman herself, "I'm not sure what else to do."

Amy peeked around her fellow scientist, "We could try genetic manipulation." When Maya looked back with concern, she shrugged, "I am going to be perfectly clear with you, my fellow [Song]. [Song] the entirety of the UP3. It might be worth attempting to salvage once our [Song] has chosen where he wants us to go, but until then? I am done being bound by every facet of a pact that was set in place to prevent exactly what we were sent here to cause. I won't let hypocrisy stop me from doing what's right."

"I'm not sure that we're going to be ethically able to modify her at that level, not without consent and understanding," Maya hated to decline outright, but wasn't interested in 'because it's what's best' as a rationale. "If you think we can lay out a plan, get her to listen, we can improve her problems she has with bipolar, but that's not going to repair the damage she's done with Shinji."

"Does not have to," Amy went back to her own tasks. "She can be perfectly miserable and alone, but in control of her own actions by virtue of not having to fight with her own mind to make her life terrible. What happens between her, her mother, and our [Song]? That's not my concern. Making his…fellow warrior a whole person again? That will be my gift to him."

+++++ 15th Angel + 11: Monday, December 5th (130)

"You sing so beautifully, Tsuru-chan!" Minami clapped enthusiastically after the day's first practice, during everyone's lunch period. "I don't know why you don't have more confidence, both you and Hikari are doing fantastic!"

Tsuru was, as to be expected, dubious about her skill, "Thank you. I guess I'm feeling more confident about it the more often we practice."

Shinji, playing the school's new piano as a means to chase away his thoughts, didn't bother looking at the sheet music. With millions of competing thoughts, he fought desperately to retain his calm. _I'd been doing so well. Everything was fine. Why am I suddenly freaking out like I've never had a panic attack before? Why aren't I used to these by now?_ Standing, he moved away from the instrument to stop himself from slamming his hands down on it in frustration. "We've made good progress today. Thank you, and I'm sorry for taking your lunch away from you."

"I still have time to eat a little something," the farmgirl tried to reassure him.

Once more it was Hikari who soothed the savage Shinji, "My love, you are fretting at phantoms. Maya is working on the virus, Rose and Amy have dedicated everything to the task. You have a dinner tonight, and school left to attend. Your advice to our classmates was excellent, as it balanced against what Minami-chan offered very well. If he loves her, he should ask. If he can't see himself feeling confident in the life they would lead, he should restrain himself until he does. You do not want fear ruling anyone, and you should not let it rule you."

"I'm…not." Growling, he punched one hand into the other, "I feel like I need to be doing something! Like something is about to slap me and I should be looking at it because it's in plain sight! Rits, Maya, and Amy are working on the virus. Misato is working on the weapons. Kelly is dealing with the political nonsense for tomorrow. Suzuka is helping Rei, Fuuka, and Nozomi. These are _my_ obligations, and I'm outsourcing them! What am I doing?" Casting his hand around him, he frowned, "This. I'm pretending that I have anything left to learn in class. I'm sitting with my fellow students to lead them…where? A future that may or may not exist?"

"You're giving them hope," Princess Serenity's voice sounded from nearby. Her smile was pained as he turned to face her, "The crown does not bear lightly upon the brow of the chosen, Your Majesty…and it never will. Your place, despite what others may think, is where you may be seen to be facing the future head on. Where you may inspire others to not simply cover themselves over with a blanket at night, turn off their light, and never again open their eyes. You are a _King_." Crossing over and placing her hands on his sides, she gripped his shirt, "You are their future."

Yang chuckled, "Why does that sound familiar?"

"Because wisdom…often travels in pairs," he sighed. "I hate this, Usagi-chan. I hate every last bit of this." When she vanished, he caught the sound of the door sliding open to the auditorium and turned, "Yes, sir? What can I do for you?"

The principal, assessing the situation before him, looked between the other women, "I apologize, Kajima-chan, but I must speak in private with His Majesty's household. If you-"

"She is a part of my household now, sir," Shinji frowned at the change of title. "The formal paperwork changing her address is pending her father's signature, but I assure you that whatever needs to be said to me, can be said to her."

"Ah, I apologize then," the old man stepped in and closed the door behind him. "There has been a request filed with my office…." Trailing off, he became slightly pensive, "Directly from the Chrysanthemum Throne, via Tokyo-2."

His eyes began to hurt, "I would presume that it was filed early, by an overenthusiastic staffer that only wished to do what was best by giving you as much warning as possible." Maintaining his calm, though only with the aid of an invisible Kyoko hanging from his neck, he urged the information out, "I know nothing of what you're about to mention, sensei. I doubt they intended this as a 'surprise', and more mean to give me no warning in an attempt to stop me from circumventing whatever it is they are doing. What can I do, to minimize the damage to the school?"

There was pride in the old man's eyes as he looked on a young man struggling against a world that beset him with ceaseless demands, "We are proud to aid your education here, Your Majesty. I only seek to hear from _you_ what _we_ can do to minimize disruptions to your day. The orders are in force tomorrow, when I presume they intend to…declare your standing."

 _They are going to declare me a nation unto myself. Wherever I go, so goes the Nation of Ikari. I…am being declared Emperor of a globally recognized sovereign nation. And Emperors…._ He could feel the women tense up, "I will need to take the day off. I have to meet with representatives of a few different organizations, I'm going to assume that there will be formal declarations made. I will likely have to give interviews." He badly wanted to tug on his ponytail, but refrained in order to honor what he'd been given by those who believed in him, "I apologize, but I will need to ask that my family be given leave that day from lessons as well. If our teachers could forward our lessons, I'll make certain that we do what needs to be done as we can."

"Absolutely," the principal nodded, understanding what was being stated beneath the words. "I will contact them myself, and impress on them the importance of not overwhelming you or your family."

"Thank you." _Baron…Duke…King…Emperor. They will lay titles at my feet, trying to draw my eye to their countries._ Looking up at the clock, he swallowed a sigh, "We have enough time to get back to class without being late. Let's finish up the day."

+++++ 15th Angel + 11: Monday, December 5th (130)

"You have got to be kidding me," Misato couldn't find any emotional force to offer when she spoke the words. Numb, she looked between Kozo and Gretchen, "This is the point that one of you starts laughing at stupid old Misato, with how gullible she is that she'd believe you." She could feel Shinji's pain, "Good joke…right?"

Gretchen, still uncomfortable with allowing this to continue, responded gently, "No, Colonel. December Sixth, in the year two thousand and eighteen of the common era…the UN will formally recognize the founding of the Nation of Ikari. The name is…temporary, only intended to suffice until he chooses to accept it or comes up with another of his own choosing. Emperor Shinji Ikari will be granted near global recognition as a sovereign head of state, with several nations anticipated to request authorization to formally unify under the banner of the nascent Empire of Ikari."

Kozo wasn't surprised when his second in command looked at him as if the world had gone mad, "I don't know why you believe I can do anything to stop this. Ever since he was brought here, to us, the insanity has grown ever broader, ever stronger. It won't end here, and it can't be prevented from this chair. I called you here because he will need you to have your feet under you, and because if we get attacked during this…event," he changed the word he chose at the last second to something more dignified, "you are going to be expected to help him respond."

"This isn't all that is happening," the Secretary for Evangelion Affairs drew both people's gaze back to her with her tired statement. "I have it on good authority that the Holy See has already Beatified him. The witnessing of the miracle given by his intercession on the behalf of those trapped in the Sea of Dirac, in Nevada. Those who exited all, each and every one, proclaim that they saw a man matching His Majesty's stature walking about with a host of Angels. They can't explain how they saw it, frozen in time as they were, but independent corroboration from people that never spoke to one another after exiting the anomaly…. They do not care that he is not Catholic, the list of sacrifices he has made for the benefit of humanity outstrip any arguments the Promotor Fidei might make. He skipped the first two steps before Beatification and tomorrow he's being declared…living or not…a Saint."

+++++ 15th Angel + 11: Monday, December 5th (130)

The last few periods after lunch proceeded smoothly, if all that was taken into account was the classroom retaining peace and focus. Shinji, for his part, sat quietly and calmly as a peace descended over him. Like any battle, he had been agitated leading up to contact with the enemy. He hadn't known what was coming, but something in his mind had told him that coming it was. Now that he knew what it was, there was no room for doubt, or hesitation. No space for him to wail and gnash his teeth. There was cruelty, depravity, and pain to be faced. There were hundreds, millions, billions of people depending on him to face it. With Sahaquiel in his lap, and his eyes focused on the teacher, he had found purpose. He was the shield, and no one appreciated a shield that bitched about having to be pummeled. At less than two minutes before the final bell, he softly lifted his hand to call for attention from the teacher.

"Oh, yes, Shinji-san?" The kindly teacher, only recently out of college herself, gave him her full attention instantly, "Did you have a question?"

"More of a request," he apologized. "I need a few moments of the students' time, if that wouldn't be too inconvenient?"

"Please," stepping back to make room for him at the center of the class, she gestured to the lectern, "I'm certain that anything you have to say must be important. Everyone, please pay attention to Shinji-san." Smiling, a hope-filled gesture, she urged him to proceed as he reached the space she'd occupied.

Gazing out at the remaining students, he had a sudden memory of the first time he'd introduced himself in the life he'd originally come from. The awkward, stammering, introduction that rambled on and went nowhere. Here he was, four months and countless lifetimes later, about to declare something in a voice as firm as steel and soft as thunder to most of the same people…only different in that one small choice had been made that had snowballed into what he now held up on his shoulders, "Tomorrow…I will not be here." Pausing, he let his hands smooth out across the top of the podium he stood behind, "Because tomorrow, a number of officials will be making declarations that require my presence elsewhere. When you hear the news, as I have no doubt you will…please, if any of you have any love for me at all…remember that I am and will always be Shinji Ikari. A young fool who tries his hardest to not hurt others, who tries to do what is best for those around him, friend or foe, who wishes for nothing more than everyone to have a life of their own choosing. I will not be any different, inside. Though I will likely be forced to be different outside. Be kind to one another. Support one another. Know, always in your hearts, that you are special. In all the starry universe," he looked to Minami and smiled softly, "there's only one you. That, my friends," he gazed across the room, "makes you _very_ special." The bell rang to announce the end of the school day, as he'd intended it to, and so he bowed, "Thank you."

Silence and nervousness reigned as the class allowed him and the quartet of young women who lived with him to leave with the package from the woman he'd helped in the market. The means to prepare some of her better meats, and the meats themselves, weighed nothing to his hands. It was his soul that hated to carry something that could have made more money for the kindly shopkeeper to help her family. He had more than enough…he wanted people to remember to take care of themselves.

+++++ 15th Angel + 11: Monday, December 5th (130)

Fuuka was cautiously preparing something to offer to those members of her new family that were expected home from school soon. Despite the news that Shinji was heading towards his place of work, it remained her duty to provide something to welcome the rest of those he sheltered. That she was able to give some extra solace to little Nozomi was a great boon to her efforts, as it quickly became apparent that Shinji's lessons in food preparation had stuck well in the fertile soil of the young child's mind, "I see, that does make more sense, Nozomi-chan. I am certain that your nee-san will be grateful that you could remind me of the proper methods."

Her omnipresent bluenette best friend, sitting nearby on one of the stools in the center of the kitchen, added her voice to the chorus of praise, "Shinji does enjoy teaching Team Rainbow those things that will enable them to care for themselves, should ill luck occur. It certainly brings peace of mind to me that I should not need to worry about stumbling through his kitchen with either Nozomi-chan or Sakura-chan around."

Playing her part, the amber-eyed young woman laughed prettily, "I nearly managed to burn the water for our tea the other day, and since then dear Rei-sama has less trust in my capabilities, and fears that perhaps I might burn the house itself down around our ears."

Nozomi's spirits remained low, but having two teenagers give her attention produced enough of a smile that she wasn't completely dour, "I'm sure Rei-nee-san was only joking, Fuuka-nee-san. Besides, if we don't practice we can't get better at what we're doing! That's what Suzuka-san tells us all the time, and she practices a lot."

 _Suzuka, I apologize for interrupting your conversation with your peers in the Shirakami, what has caused such anger that I am feeling? Is Shinji's life in danger?_ Rei kept the conversation well away from either of the other two women in the room, _Should I strive to keep the others in here for now?_

The eternal swordswoman, well and truly enraged at the pain that was about to descend upon her husband, was nevertheless grateful for the subtlety and grace with which her blind ward comported herself, _Please do. Shinji is to be crowned sovereign of his own nation. The Diet is poised to announce that Japan will be the first nation to join his Empire, with others following soon after. The plan, hatched in secret by the Secretary General of the United Nations, has the support of almost every nation on Earth. This will leave our dear husband with two choices, accede, and become something he hates, or deny them and risk the world devolving further as many of those nations view themselves as 'unworthy'. His damnable letters to the various peoples of the world have backfired spectacularly, as they now view him as the only path to salvation from the virus, the Angels, and now their own damnable freedoms! They are gifting him their obedience when he wants nothing of the sort, child, and I will need your help in stopping him from pulling up stakes and abandoning this wretched planet for the stars._

Calm, as would ever be her first inclination, settled over Rei. She had no doubts that this would be traumatic for Shinji, but she began to wonder at the woman in the other room. How could anyone who knew Shinji well enough to carry his children have such a low opinion of him? He breathed responsibility, to everyone in the world even more than to himself. What he would require, instead of cautious treatment, would be love. For that, the household was well equipped to provide its bounty. _When he returns, I shall endeavor to support him as appropriate. Please, do not allow yourself to become too filled with stress. The MAGI report that such is deleterious to your children, whom I shall be ill pleased to see harmed._

+++++ 15th Angel + 11: Monday, December 5th (130)

"What do you want me to say?" Shinji stood with his hands in his pockets, seemingly at ease with something that Misato had believed him likely to breathe fire over, "Misa-chan, I am a weapon of mass destruction." Pulling one hand out, he summoned another orb of liquid light, "This could sanitize the entirety of the North American continent. It would evaporate every ounce of water, whether in living creatures or rivers or nuclear reactors or trees."

She allowed him to call her what he did as it set the tone of the conversation to 'casual' instead of 'professional', "That doesn't somehow mean you have to become a nation."

"No," Kozo agreed. "It means that if he remains a Japanese citizen, the next time he goes to fix a Nevada incident we're going to have a war on our hands. It means that if he goes and handles an abusive mother who beats her child, he can tie Kazakhstan and Japan in legal knots trying to determine whether he entered legally. If he is the head of a sovereign nation, he can back the drive for universal freedom of motion for him and his people. As the head of an Empire, he'll have the press of nations at his back. Those few holdouts, the United States as an example, will face a world that is no longer divided. There will either be Ikari, or not-Ikari. If he enters a nation to fix a wrong, and they want war…they'll not have any one single convenient target. If they declare proxy war, he'll hunt down the actors. If they send terrorists, he'll hunt down the leaders, then hunt down the backers, then deliver them to the doorstep of the nation that opposed him to lay the guilt at their feet with incontrovertible proof. If they desire to be free of his empire, he'll let them go. If they ask for assistance afterwards, he'll grant it. Humanity will be as free as it chooses to be, as unified as it wants to be."

"Have you checked our bureaucracy lately, old man?" Misato scoffed, "How, exactly, is he supposed to keep everything running in an Empire? Where is he going to find that kind of time? Each nation that bends its knee is going to want to have their grievances heard. Old wrongs are still going to linger between nations."

Shinji shrugged, "Only for as long as they choose to allow them to. For example, South Korea still hasn't forgiven us for the second World War. I fully intend to ease that forgiveness by reminding them that all someone with a legitimate grievance needs to do is ask. Those affected by the nation's decisions during that time will receive compensation, those attempting to agitate and grift to drive distance between the people in my Empire will receive nothing. We are going to be facing a global crisis, and we will either stand together or they will die separately."

Gretchen, who had remained silent as Shinji dismantled her expectations of the young man she'd met not that long ago, asked the obvious, "They?"

"I am immortal," he smiled apologetically, before resuming his traditional scowl. "As are those who are tied to my soul. If the world chooses to embrace its own demise, whether through willingly accepting divisions or actively seeking to kill one another, I _will_ pull up stakes and leave them to whatever doom they choose. If the elected and sovereign leaders of the world want to fight against what's to come as one? I'll hold the line until my last breath. I'm done putting up with stupid, Gretchen. This? This was the last time that I'm going to be bulled over for anything. You wanted an emperor? Fine. I'll fix the weather, I'll mend the crops, I will make sure people have food, and as much safety as I can provide from those things that lurk in the darkness. There is a lot that I had intended on doing," his voice climbed to a thunderous roar as he pointed to the ground before him, "even before the Secretary General lost his _fucking_ mind and decided that it was a good plan to put a seventeen year old victim of unceasing abuse in charge of the entire _fucking_ world!" Glaring at her for a second longer, he turned to face Kozo and reduced his voice to a much more polite volume, "Sir, I'm going to need to borrow your sub-commander. We have a dinner date tonight with part of the one-one, and I need to help her find something to wear that will make everyone there jealous that I have her approval to kiss her from time to time and they don't."

"With my blessing, Shinji, with my blessing," gesturing to the door, the old professor smiled kindly. There was a level of respect that Shinji granted him in that simple statement, something that he did not feel he had earned or deserved. That, despite now ascending far higher than anyone could, or in both of their opinion should, on Earth, he would still treat the man who he felt was 'in charge' as he had allowed his heart peace. After a silent Misato and a pained and angry gentle giant walked out of the room, he looked at the stunned woman who had remained behind, "Making him a nation, he accepts without pause. The extra step of making him an emperor? That was where you failed. He doesn't even want to be in charge of his household, that's Hikari-chan's job. The world?" Coughing out a single laugh, he shook his head, "Pray, and pray hard, that he doesn't leave us to what we've wrought."

+++++ Author's Notes:

I'm already over $5,000 in the hole, and it's getting deeper. I'm glad I built up a word buffer for the story, but I can't guarantee that I'll have time to edit it properly enough to post anywhere near as quickly as I wanted to. Take care, folks.


	151. Chapter 151

+++++ 15th Angel + 11: Monday, December 5th (130)

"Stupid, idiotic, myopic, paranoid, self-serving, hypocrites!" The desire to punch something was nearly overwhelming, and despite an invisible Kyoko holding to the side of his head he could barely control the rage that was consuming him as he and Misato rode the elevator towards her vehicle, "I don't _care_ that they want to make me a nation unto myself. I don't _care_ that they would expect trade status between me and their countries. I don't even _care_ that they would likely want to have diplomatic marriages arranged to cement ties between me and their countries! On what Earth is it at all reasonable to look at this," he gestured along his torso, "and say, 'Yeah, I want to kneel to him! He's young, he's insane, and even better, he has no idea what he's doing! This plan couldn't possibly fail!' It's like everyone saw the virus and said, 'Screw it, we're all dead anyway, let's just hurry things along. Last one out turn off the light'."

When the door slid open, Misato saw him change back into the cold, calm, professional she had seen repeatedly in the field. It would be jarring, had she not seen him do the exact same thing after exiting Kozo's office, "We're going to do what we can to support you. You know that."

"I do," even his voice had been modified to seem unbothered. "I hate to ask like this, I had wanted a calm moment with flowers, chocolate, and wine…but would you consider signing a marriage certificate with me?" He glanced over apologetically, "I want one with everyone tied to me. We can do ceremonies later, or not at all, depending on preference…but I want people tied firmly to me before I become unable to do so due to whatever bizarre laws are about to strike us. Yes, I can just declare us married, no, that is not acceptable to me. You deserve better." Massaging Kyoko's legs, pain crept into his tone, "You both do."

"If it will make you happy," Misato rapped her knuckles on his abs. "I don't care one way or the other. You and I agreed to be what we are, and no piece of paper is going to make us any more or less what we are. Call me your wife, your girlfriend, your lover, I'm still your Misa-chan. That's what matters to me."

"I'd like one, but I doubt the Japanese government is as into necrophilia as we are," Kyoko tittered quietly. "I'm fine with knowing that in your soul you've declared that I'm yours, and you're mine." She dropped into his lap as they buckled into Misato's car, "I'm going to go back in and try to help Makoto-chan." Kissing him once, she vanished.

Misato's head snapped to the side before her brain regained traction, "Help…right…right, androgynous name. One of the new girls, not that slack ass bastard that was always eye-humping me."

"Yeah," Shinji snorted. "Today's her birthday. Was planning on making a cherry pie for her…it's her favorite." Sinking back into the car's seat, he closed his eyes and fought for calm in public with his Rage Sponge gone. The motion of the vehicle as it set out was slower than usual, the woman to his side reaching over to caress his leg when her hand didn't need to operate the gearshift. "If I bond Minami, and Kiyomi, on her birthday…what am I doing, Misato? This has spiraled completely out of control, and the only thing I can think to do is carry on as we have been. Adding people as we need to, bringing more people into our family, and hoping beyond hope that all of you don't begin to despise everything I am for it."

"We'll manage, Shinji. That's what life is, ultimately. Managing as you can, one foot in front of the other, and hoping that in the process you manage to do more good than bad." Stopping at a red light, she smirked at him knowingly, "You think you're the only one who has no idea what they're doing? I'm making this up as I go, relishing those times we go into your soul to spend a month together talking, touching, and taking our time. These days, in comparison, between? Shrug my shoulders and knuckle down. It's like a work week between weekends, you cram as much fun as you can into the weekend, and then earn it during the week. I don't doubt it's worse for you, because you have these long stretches between time with me, and so from your perspective you're ignoring me. From mine? It's a couple of days of work. Just look at it from our perspective from time to time, and make the time we do have special…that's all you can do."

With a sad smile on his face, he patted her shoulder in response. Saying anything wouldn't change anything, and the woman he was with knew all too well the weight of responsibility. How it could, and would, crush even the strongest spine. If she was telling him that the path they were on was manageable, he had to at least consider it as possible. To do anything else would be to declare that the ring of truth from her song was itself a lie.

+++++ 15th Angel + 11: Monday, December 5th (130)

Hikari was waiting for him in the kitchen, some of the pre-work already taken care of for the dessert he was intending to make, and an apron tied neatly to her front, "I made certain they bought three kinds of cherries, my love. I wasn't sure which kind Makoto-san prefers, and I didn't want to buy the wrong kind. Whatever we don't use, I'll make sure gets used as snacks so that it doesn't go to waste." Tilting her head to offer her cheek for a kiss, smiling when she was given one without hesitation, she kept up the tempo of her briefing, "Your cookbook wasn't specific on those, but everything else I've got moving. Which do you want to do, the cherries or the dough?"

"Help me with the cherries, senpai," the sound of a familiar voice drew his eyes over to a tall, athletic, brunette. Makoto Kino's calm, understanding, smile told him more than any words might have. "Thanks for getting everything started, Class Rep. If you don't mind taking care of the dough, please make sure to leave openings in the strips for the top."

His wife, a woman he loved more than life itself, turned and bowed just a touch, "Welcome home, and happy birthday. I look forward to spending more time with a woman that my husband has fought alongside, and thank you for not fighting me for him. You look like you have a mean right hook, and I'm out of practice."

Accepting a hug from Shinji, the statuesque stunner laughed happily, "Why fight for him? He offers both of us what we want, and he'll make sure we both get what we need." Setting aside one of the three styles of fruit, she winked to Hikari as she pushed Shinji back, "We'll mix these two. It was the first kind of cherry pie he made me, on the first date he and I ever went on. It was delicious, or so I hear."

"I still can't believe Usagi ate it all," Shinji groaned. "We were only out of the house for five minutes to get drinks!"

A retelling of the event followed, Makoto making every effort to bond with a young woman in Hikari she'd known in several lives. The mess that they made through youthful klutziness, the cleanup, the apologies, the promises that they weren't normally so messy. The Sailor for Jupiter knew she had the occasional tear drop down her cheek, the memories of a life that had been cut violently short swarming over the great memory of a few months of absolute joy at being the center of a 'perfect' man's world. Sharing the good, eschewing the bad, she spent the entire time they prepared all six pies speaking to Hikari and Hikari alone. It was _her_ gift to Shinji, understanding that he had obligations beyond her. The gift of his time on her birthday was everything she wanted and more. The added gift of Hikari's smile, as well as the total lack of jealousy, made the simple 'date' more meaningful than entire lives she'd suffered through.

"Go and get ready for your dinner, senpai," patting him on the chest, the 'birthday girl' continued to make her case for peaceful coexistence. "The Class Rep and I can finish baking these now. It's mostly just monitoring the oven and making sure that a certain twin-tailed pig doesn't sneak into the kitchen and swallow them whole." Accepting a quick kiss, she clapped her hand against his cheek firmly twice, "I'm not upset. I like Hikari-chan. I appreciate her dedication to making certain those around her are allowed fair treatment. Spending a few hours with her will make me happy, and I need to talk to her about how things will go between us all."

"It's ok, my love," Hikari assured him. "I'll make sure she's introduced to everyone she needs to be introduced to."

Hesitating only long enough to pinch the sailor on the side hard enough to make her yelp, Shinji acquiesced, "This is my life, now. Running from one obligation to the next. You still sure you made the right choice?"

"We don't abandon our friends when times are tough," big, green eyes hardened in a determined glare. "We most certainly do not abandon the man we love because his life is hard. Now get going, before I make you prove that you think you can take me in a brawl."

He couldn't deny how good it felt to be told that, to know that his household was that much safer. Leaving the kitchen, he was followed by the sound of giggles, some off-color joke having been made at his expense, no doubt. Even that…felt good.

+++++ 15th Angel + 11: Monday, December 5th (130)

The table at the 'head' of the mess tent was a surprisingly lively place. After giving a short, but heartfelt, speech of gratitude for the efforts of the assembled members of the JSSDF that would soon be guarding a foreign nation, Shinji introduced Misato as his 'wife and boss', earning enthusiastic laughter and applause from the crowd as well as a playful look of condemnation from the lavender-haired warrior. When her 'counter-speech' was filled with inflated tales of long-suffering nights dealing with his ceaseless dedication to fixing the entire world's problems before remembering that he had people in his house that would do some of those things for him if he asked, the laughter and applause threatened to blow the tent wide open.

With the view of their feet blocked by a long cloth, Shinji was able to slip one hand over to gently squeeze Kiyomi's leg during Misato's rabblerousing. Pitching his voice low, he leaned over, "This was a good idea. Thank you for inviting me."

"I can see why you follow her," the Major replied with a grin. "She keeps you honest, doesn't she?"

"I'd follow her to the gates of Hel, and only ask that she hold my coat while I kick them down for her." He could feel the approach of a different song, one he hadn't expected, "Incoming." _Lieutenant Colonel Hagiwara, inbound._ Having warned Misato, who tapped her foot in recognition while not slowing down her speech in the slightest, he sat up straight and watched the flaps.

 _You outrank everyone here, stay seated._ "So ultimately, ladies and gentlemen, the entire myth that's been built up around my husband is that he's someone who relies on us to do anything. I assure you," the tent flaps opened, admitting the Commander of the 1/1 and a few other officers and enlisted, "the only reason he doesn't try to do my job too is because he can't sit in the Eva and on the bridge at the same time. He's good, don't get me wrong, but he's not capable of bending spacetime to that degree." Accepting the subdued response of laughter and applause as many of the lower enlisted were confused as to the proper protocols in place, Misato took charge by calling out in a friendly voice, "A pleasure to see you, Lieutenant Colonel. Come to join us for dinner? Major Honda's team makes a fine chicken, let me assure you."

"I'm glad to hear you say so, ma'am." Pausing near the table, Itsuki Hagiwara looked to Shinji, "Your Majesty, might I beg your indulgence for a few seats at the table?"

Gesturing with an open hand at the side opposing him, three seats left empty so that nobody would have had to sit with their backs to the assembly during the event, Shinji inclined his head and wordlessly granted his permission. He felt ridiculous, but he could tell that it was expected of him. It was easy to keep a pleasant smile on his face now, surrounded as he was by people who honestly enjoyed his presence, and with the song that the woman taking the seat directly across from him screaming of hope that her news was welcome.

"It's nice of you to join us, ma'am," Kiyomi greeted her superior politely. "I hadn't thought you would be in our AO for another day or so."

"Plans changed," Itsuki smiled politely. Sitting back as one of the cooks came trotting over with a cart to offer any of the three main selections available for the evening to her and the Command Sergeant Major to her one side, and the Major to her other, she looked to Shinji, "Any recommendations, sir?"

"As my wife said, the chicken is excellent. Though, in my opinion, I prefer the steak. I don't often get to eat it prepared that way, and am enjoying it rather mightily." The swell of pride from the young woman offering the food was a tangible thing, her bearing screaming of eagerness to go back and crow about how _The Paladin_ was enthusiastically enjoying the meat she had prepared herself.

"The steak it is, then," accepting her tray, she kept her hands in her lap for the moment. Once the other two made their selections, one the chicken, and the Command Sergeant Major the vegetarian option, she waited for the cook to depart before asking in a low voice, "You knew?"

"It slipped at school, then again at work," he nodded, maintaining his demeanor. "Though, to be fair, the bit about my pending Canonization wasn't mentioned by anyone. That said, I would hope that you don't feel like the only reason you can visit is when the UN Secretary General makes phenomenally poor decisions."

A tight grin preceded a laugh, "Droll, Your Majesty. Very droll." Gesturing to the major who had arrived with her, she made introductions, "Your Majesty, allow me to introduce Major Sasaki," then to her other side, "and Sergeant Major Kitagawa."

"A pleasure to meet you both," he knew, without hearing, what they were there for and why he was about to have his calm tested. "Not until I approve of her successor, ma'am. I agree, having a liaison is important. Necessary, even. However, she and I have already come to an understanding regarding the necessity of trusting the people in command of those protecting my flank. We are struggling to find someone that doesn't set my teeth on edge for Charlie, dumping everything onto poor Captain Ozaki is unacceptable."

"It would seem His Majesty and I share an opinion," Kitagawa chuckled, before taking a bite of her meal.

Sasaki glowered at the senior enlisted, "The Paladin is operating with a deficit of intel, Sergeant Major. Let's allow him to hear us out before we prejudice him against the plan further."

Itsuki, taking her time to enjoy some of her steak, nodded in agreement with him, "This is rather nice. I know for certain that this isn't something we provided. Major?"

"Local contact, ma'am," Kiyomi responded diplomatically. "They've taken to…supplementing our rations, in exchange for continued inter-agency cooperation."

Her single nod indicated that she not only allowed the fiction to continue, but approved of its existence, "I could simply order her into the position, you know?"

"I believe as the sovereign ruler of an Empire, I get a vote in who I allow on my lands." He knew she wasn't serious, but was feeling out how he felt over the entire situation.

"Do you, perhaps, have a counterproposal?" Toying with a segment of her steak, she looked at him with undisguised curiosity.

There was a small part of him that was surprised that she was being tasked with something this important, considering her lower rank. He did not, however, find her ill fitted to the role, "You could take over command here. Plant the Battalion colors here, that way I would not have to…stress as much. I admire your honesty, and while I disagree with your tactics I cannot disagree with your strategy. You want, more than anything, to align your Army with my concept of the world. Peace, defense of the weak, and unrelenting devastation to those who would oppose those two goals. I make no secret of my affection for both Major Honda and Captain Ozaki. So, in exchange for your patience in locating adequate commanders to occupy their positions, I will encourage Japan to move you into the Headquarters building I intend to plant nearby. After, of course," he spun his finger around to indicate the tent, "I finish enjoying dinner."

Misato coughed, "How are we planning on explaining the sudden appearance of a series of military buildings, dear?"

"By no longer hiding what I am," he shrugged, cutting off another section of his steak. "I'm an Emperor. I'm a living saint. Why bother keeping everything hidden anymore? What purpose does secrecy serve, except to pretend to be something that nobody believes I am? I'm going to rebuild our house, make it a part of the base, and then I'm going to commandeer the one-one as my personal honor guard. I'll apologize profusely for the delay in handing the paperwork over to the Diet, offer them a few photo ops on the base with the men and women from their areas, and make my first official act a statement of unending peace between our Empire and the nation of Japan." Popping the chunk in his mouth, he looked around the table, gauging how people felt about his plan.

 _Shinji, these are the things we talk about before we just act._ Slowly cutting into her chicken, she stated without equivocation, "You are human. That you have been altered, by your unique circumstances, does not change that fact. You are not the only person with a long reach, and I will not sit idly by while someone attempts to deny or remove that humanity from you."

"Nor will I," Itsuki announced flatly. "What you're proposing won't work, without some modifications."

He was familiar with the dance, "Such as?"

"My superiors are going to insist on at least a Division. Wherever you are at any moment is going to receive a lot of attention, political and otherwise. We need a lot of uniforms; armor, air support, logistics, intelligence, signals…coordinating all of that is far more than a Battalion can accommodate." She, much like he had, gestured around them, "Not a lot of room here for that."

Borrowing from Misato's knowledge of military structures, Shinji made a thoughtful noise to buy himself some time. With a gesture, he refilled everyone's cups with their preferred beverages as he chewed mechanically, _Adapt and overcome, Misa-chan. She was sent here to spring this on me. She's being sacrificed by someone who's trying to take her off the board, help me help her. She has a good heart, and wants us to succeed in our goals of purging the waste from above us so that people who want everyone to succeed can take their place._

"An unattached Brigade," his wife insisted, "would serve well enough. Our combat strength lies in mobility. A Division, while useful in a boxing match, is not notorious for being agile. I can agree that a Battalion would be too small to have the subordinate units necessary to produce consistent expertise, but a Brigade would be more than enough."

Kiyomi, either through her own natural abilities or a sudden insight to Shinji's thoughts, added her own voice to the dilemma, "A Brigade could be placed under the Lieutenant Colonel's command, sir. A bit unorthodox, considering such a command is typically given to either a Colonel or even a Brigadier, but this entire adventure could easily be classified as 'unorthodox'."

He wanted to kiss the woman for giving him that opening, "Fantastic!" Patting the table gently, he smiled, "That would be an excellent compromise. I certainly wouldn't trust anyone else, save perhaps the Major," he gestured to Kiyomi. "Captain Ozaki is still a bit below grade, I fear. Ah well. I will be glad to extend the amount of land I'll co-opt, in exchange for a Brigade under your direction. The other option, which I'm certain you won't mind informing Major General Okuda of," he nabbed the name from her thoughts as she inwardly celebrated the talent Shinji had around him, "is that I tell all of you to, as the Sergeant Major might put it, 'piss up a rope' and tell the JSSDF to unass my AO."

It was Major Sasaki's turn to cough politely, "I do not believe that General Okuda will appreciate that ultimatum, sir."

"I wasn't aware I was giving him the option of enjoying it, Major," Shinji's smile was friendly, though his tone was liquid frost. "Especially since I'll ask that he personally sign the paperwork promoting my good friend Itsuki to full Colonel so that she might be better positioned to properly command the Imperial Guard." Rolling his knife around in his fingers, he frowned slightly as he considered the woman he spoke to, "She'll need an XO who is as determined as she is to clean up the upper echelons of Japan's military, so that it serves the honor of the men and women who sacrifice so much for its people…instead of only serving those at its higher levels."

The Sergeant Major patted the table gently in applause, "Well spoken, sir. I assure you, Major Sasaki is such a woman. She might be a touch more diplomatic than you or I, but I assure you she's got a sharp sword for those who fall short in their duties to those beneath them."

"That's comforting to hear." The knife stopped in its motion, the tip and blade now emphasizing his statements, "I will not tolerate glory-seekers. Every man and woman around me must work together to help each other, to lift those up who need a hand onto their feet, to encourage and guide those who have lost their way. No slackers, no self-centered peacocks. We take pride in the good we do, we draw faith in the strength of those around us, and most importantly we strive for a better world for those who follow in our footsteps."

"And you're certain you want me here?" Itsuki, once more feeling him out, was unsparing in criticism of herself, "I am not one to be compromising in my demands, when given a task. If I find that I don't have the resources, or the remit, I assure you I will be in your ear about it."

He shrugged, a lopsided grin growing, "I look forward to interacting with yet another woman who has a tendency to speak her mind at increasingly loud volumes when they believe I am not paying sufficient attention. You keep the people of my city safe, Colonel, and I'll give you everything you ask for."

"Then it's a good thing I brought a large portion of my command staff with me," she responded with a similar grin. "Because I had a feeling you might be able to manage a miracle. We'll deal with the specifics after this excellent meal is given the attention it deserves, but I have some folks that I think we can put in temporary command of your attached Companies while we interview and appropriate the rest of our Brigade. I presume you'll trust Major Honda and Captain Ozaki to stand on the board for you?"

"I trust them with Nozomi-chan and Yinghua-chan's lives," he agreed easily. Shifting the topic to the meal, he turned to the Senior Enlisted, "How are the snap peas, Kitagawa-san? Grilling them like they have always risks making them brittle, you know."

+++++ 15th Angel + 11: Monday, December 5th (130)

"It's a little odd who he does, and does not, trust," Itsuki stated quietly to Misato, Suzuka, Kiyomi, and Sachiko. The group of women stood back and watched as Shinji directed the rapid disembarking of the household and removal of everything inside of it to the outside under a series of tents to keep it all neat and organized. "He seems to have his own metrics, and all it takes is a glance. Normally I'd say that he's just quick to make up his mind, which can be a useful trait if properly trained. However, I get the feeling that there is more at play than that."

Suzuka looked to Misato, a question in her eyes. Receiving a shrug and a nod, the elegant swordswoman decided to proceed with what Shinji had asked of them, "He can see into your soul, via a song that is common to every living being on Earth. Your motivations, your outermost thoughts, your emotional balance, are all laid out for him plainly as if written upon the pages of a newspaper. It's less accurate to say that he makes up his mind quickly than to say that he judges people on what they're presenting to him."

The woman that would be in charge of a Brigade of dedicated defenders of a foreign ruler pursed her lips thoughtfully, "Awkward." With the last person out, the woman she recognized as Hikari Ikari carrying a…. "Is that a penguin?"

"That's my shiftless dork, yeah," Misato snorted a laugh. "Every chance he gets to be carried like the big baby he is, he takes."

A few words passed out of their hearing, and Shinji gestured casually to the building. The assembled crowd gasped, then cheered as the structure was reduced to dust as if by magic. Quickly flowing out from a central point, molten minerals dug a vast trench in the ground to reform a foundation for the first new building. With the sun low on the horizon, casting long shadows across the land, the fey glow of superheated elements teased everyone with fire and fury as he constrained them and molded them to his designs.

"And he wonders why people will venerate him," Itsuki whispered, awed at what she was given the honor of witnessing. With the frame built, trees began to sprout in the ground, cautiously growing, then roaring upwards with deafening cracks and groans as they changed from saplings to taller than the nearby skyscrapers in the span of heartbeats. "Is…are you _certain_ he won't change his mind on a Division? While I appreciate his confidence in my abilities, we are going to be hard pressed to constrain the _domestic_ tourism, let alone the foreign. I'm going to have to recreate policies and procedures wholesale."

Misato shook her head, "He agreed with the idea of a Brigade because you would be put in charge of it. I asked him, and he said that you are…and this is a direct quote by the by, 'someone I would not mind having around for the rest of my life'. Whatever it is he sees in your song, he trusts it. My recommendation, for what it's worth, build up the Brigade to over-sized, get buy-in from the military, then expand this base he's about to drop on us. By the time you're done building up a Brigade, we can roll the idea of a Division past him and you'll be able to move into that Command slot. Again, as the Major said, it's unorthodox…but right now we're pushing something onto the world that needs a little unorthodox."

Kiyomi wondered at the choice he was making to use wood for a structure that was clearly intended to be defensive in nature, "Is he trained, at all, in architecture? I'm familiar enough with the principles, I spent part of my training buddied up with a lady from an Engineering Company, and while it's not unheard of…wood burns really easy."

Suzuka held her hand up for quiet for a second, before smiling and responding, "The type of tree he grew, according to him, would only begin to burn after the metal beams inside began to melt and sag. He appreciates that you might feel some concern, however, and asks if you'd like your bedroom to be cement and steel instead."

The Major crossed her arms and raised one eyebrow as she stared across the field to him, "Smartass."

+++++ 15th Angel + 11: Monday, December 5th (130)

"It's not that difficult, anymore." Shinji carefully crafted the Manor, the aid of each of the Aspects coming into play at various times. "The ground around the house itself will crumble to dust before this building does. I could tap dance Unit-01 on the roof and you wouldn't feel it one floor down." With the superstructure in place, he quickly assembled the rooms so that each person had even more space, and the number of rooms could be increased as he desired without sacrificing aesthetics. "Minami?"

"Oh, uh," standing from her blanket, where she'd been playing cards with the little ones, and hurrying over, the fashionable gyaru presented herself with an eager smile, "yes? Something I can do?"

Without taking his mind from his tasks, he extended his hand to her, "You can gift me forever. We're just going to keep dancing around one another, both afraid of asking the question for fear of it being taken the wrong way. I've been standing here talking to Makoto and Hikari, and I realized that adding you is just like adding her. It's a decision best made with me stating emphatically that I think you have a great deal to offer our household. All I ask you to do, in exchange, is continue being the wonderful young woman you are." He paused, "And maybe help Tsuru gain more confidence."

"I…." She looked stunned, and turned to see Hikari urging her to say 'Yes' where Shinji couldn't see. When Makoto rolled her hands, urging the same, the decision was sealed. "Y-yes. I'd love to stay with you forever."

"Great," reaching over blindly and cupping her chin, he sealed her to him absent-mindedly. More confident in where he was in the efforts, he turned and smiled happily, "Thank you. I look forward to meeting your father, and helping you explain to him why you're not going to go to college. I think, however, it might be a good idea to send you to cosmetology courses. I have some ideas for setting up a room dedicated to makeup, hair styling, pedicures and manicures…things like that. You and Yang tell me what you need, I'll make it happen. You can learn how to make everyone in the house shine as bright as you do. Especially before we have to walk in front of cameras and whatnot."

Hikari had moved to hold up Minami, hugging her as the bond settled into place and her newest ally discovered just how deeply Shinji's love ran. "I'd love her forever if she could make me seem a little less plain, myself."

"Ha!" Makoto belted out a laugh, "Says the second most beautiful girl in our class. Maybe we should give her a real challenge, like me!"

"He…." Tears grew in Minami's eyes as she looked between the three others, "I'm…."

"Loved," Shinji nodded. "A great deal, actually. That's another thing I think I need to just stop hiding. While we're out here showing the world just how terrible a mistake they made in choosing me." Looking back to the Manor as it grew room after room, Bardiel and Sachiel working together to bond the planks carved from the trees Sandalphon helped him grow, he rubbed his hands together, "I've got a household full of beauty and wonder, Minami. You are now a part of that, equal to every other part of it. Welcome home."

+++++ 15th Angel + 11: Monday, December 5th (130)

The house now stood, imposing and proud, a monument to what he believed those women he loved truly deserved. Standing off to the side of the entry hall, the five-meter-high ceiling bathed by the soft glow of permanent orbs of gentle light, Shinji made introductions as needed, "Itsuki-san, this is my wife Ireul. She will be working with you to create the rest of the buildings. Whatever you need constructed, so long as it serves a valid purpose, she'll direct the others to create."

"A pleasure to meet you," the regal Aspect inclined her head politely. Pausing with a slight smirk, she gestured to her husband, "That's a question for him. I am who I am, and dear Rei is who she is. If you would like to know more than that, either he will share what he shares, or you will need to join your soul to his for all time."

As items made their way back into the house, the Lieutenant Colonel kept her face still through long years of experience, "Oh, I think I'm a little old for him, ma'am."

"My age, as measured by the revolutions around your star, would require a number far larger than you believe the age of the universe to encompass," tugging down on Shinji's shirt to kiss him on the cheek, she smiled. "He doesn't care about such silly trifles. He's only interested in what is within your heart."

"Let's keep our focus on what's before us," Shinji stepped in, diplomatically. "I want the base built and ready before midnight. I've asked Suzuki and Gen to stop by, they'll be building an annex to house the contingent of Shirakami that will be acting on my behalf." His eyes speared the officer before him, "They will be afforded the same respect I give them, or our working relationship will be short indeed."

Itsuki rocked her hand side to side, "We'll need to run our own investigations on them, sir. You can't ask us to just trust them, you of all people would know how the government loves paper trails."

"It's a fair compromise," Ireul offered her advice to her husband. "So long as any irregularities are brought to you for deconfliction, allowing you to explain or accept risks. This will be, after all, your land."

"I can agree to that," she consented. "I've already sent my cable to the Diet, the Emperor, and my own CO informing them of what you are demanding. The response from the Emperor's retinue was nearly immediate, 'Aid the Voice of the Heavens'. The Diet's Council for Foreign Affairs agreed without reservation. My CO still hasn't passed word along, my assumption would be that there are attempts being made to change minds above my level. I sent a quick note to an ally I have in the Diet; she's only asked for a meeting with you in exchange for throwing her weight behind the plan."

"Easy enough to accept," he was going to have to make allowances for playing the game. Though he did not doubt many would find his 'playing' to be blunt and taciturn. "Have her contact Kelly, she'll make the arrangements." Scrubbing the side of his face, he looked out at the darkening sky, "Let's get this going. I want everything in place, as I said, by midnight. Anything they set forth is going to be dated at oh hundred hours local, and so I want this patch of dirt set before then. Iri, play nice."

Her single eye grew wide in faux shock, "I couldn't possibly know what you mean, Your Majesty." _Soon?_

He pinched her nose, _Tonight, so long as the other Sailors can step outside of my soul so we can have some privacy. I am who I am, my dearest._ "Sure you don't. Scoot." Leaving the officer to the tender mercies of the Aspect of Terror, he shoved his hands in his pockets and moved into the sitting area just beyond the entry hall. Minami, having had far fewer worldly possessions, was left as the lone human in that room.

Standing by the now ten times larger aquarium, one of several dozen throughout the home, the newly joined forever teenager was happily chatting with Gaghiel about the various fish he summoned, "No, no, the pink one! Yes!" As several more of one specific fish popped into being, she clapped happily, "Perfect, Fin-kun, perfect!" Noticing Shinji's approach, she blushed, her tongue tying itself in knots as a renewed surge of emotion washed over her.

Taking note of the array of colors on display swimming through the clear water of the tank, Shinji pulled her into a side hug while commenting, "Looks good. Very inviting. Though, if I remember our time in my soul correctly Gaghiel, most of those are either venomous or poisonous."

"Very much so," the Aspect of Fish bobbed and swayed. "Wouldn't feed them to anyone, especially not Pen-Pen. You might just get an upset stomach, Aesthete, he would die. That would be very sad."

Minami found her voice, enough to quietly murmur, "He…keeps calling me that. I don't know what that is…uhm… _dear_."

"It's a person who views the world in a way that assesses and defines its beauty," his lives where Rei Ayanami had been an artist par excellence suddenly became handy. "If I had to guess, it's the role you're intended to fill. Taking my world, the world I'm trying to save, and ensuring that I appreciate the beauty it holds. Showing everyone the glory that exists in everything, even those things that some would find disturbing or disgusting. Beauty, after all, is in the eye of the beholder." Leaning over and kissing the top of her head, he breathed into her hair, "Also in the crook of my arm."

Cherry red, she felt her heart pounding in her chest, "So…like…a beautician for everything around you?" Her hand slowly crept over to grip his shirt, "It's my job to make things…pleasing, to you?"

"Oh yes, politely yes!" Gaghiel's dance became joyous, "The Wanderer was drawn to you by your ability to make even something distasteful appear appealing. Very powerful, for good or ill!"

Now standing before him, her hands drawing more and more of his shirt down into her grasp, it was increasingly obvious where her mind was going, "What if…I wasn't joking in the locker room?" As he dropped to one knee, evening out the height difference, she let go with one hand and instead combed her fingers through his hair, "What if I wanted to share…just not with the friend I meant that day? What if I wanted to show you how beautiful this life you have could be…if you just… _share_."

"I will give you whatever you want, for your first time," restraining himself to avoid disturbing Fuuka with the display of lust, he gently restrained Minami in turn. "So long as it's what _you_ want."

"What I want is to show you the beauty of the feminine form, silly boy," her smile grew wide and eager. Bright, bubblegum pink, curls of her aura flowing about her as she leaned down to gently touch her lips to his forehead. With her lips against his skin, she whispered, "I'm going to blow your mind, senpai. Hikari, Rei, and I will make your eyes roll back, I know we will." Breathing in deeply before standing back, she looked down on him with a fire in her eyes, "I'm going to help her make this place a palace that is the envy of the known world. Just you watch." Turning to be about her work, she clapped her hands, "Ok, Fin-kun. Hikari said she wants us to make sure that the fish tanks in the common areas are all suited for the intent of the room. Let's get started!"

"Yay!" Swirling about, the youthful Aspect cheered happily, "I finally have my person!"

Sitting back on his heel, Shinji watched the pair walk away, "That…was quick."

"Some lives are easier than others to direct," Ami's voice preceded her arms around his throat as she hugged him from behind. "How does it feel, having the love of a woman you've never, ever, dated before?"

"Like I'm a terrible human being who is drawing children into my gingerbread cottage to burn them alive in my oven," he admitted honestly. "The horrifying part for me is…I feel more emotionally stable. Rei's not wrong…Ayanami, not Hino…though Rei Hino isn't usually wrong either."

"We're going to have that problem again, like we usually do," twirling around before him, the bluenette smiled sadly as she hugged his chin to her belly. "I don't think that the typical humor of calling them Rei I and Rei II will go over very well, now. I'm sure we'll figure something out though."

Staying on his knee, he ran his hands along her midsection, "Have I ever mentioned how unimaginably beautiful you are?"

"From time to time…but please, don't stop on my account." Wrinkling her nose cutely for a second she sighed and became more serious, "I hate to say it, but I should go and help with this virus issue. I _just_ got my hands on you again…but we have a duty to save the world. If you don't mind, I'll take Kyoko-san with us. She's very intelligent, can't hurt to have her there too, you know?"

"Just so long as you know that I love you, and I'm an extremely lucky man that you forgive me." _Kitten, sending reinforcements your way. Doctor Kyoko Ikari and Doctor Ami Mizuno. Expect them to…well, literally pop in._

 _She…well, that's lovely. We've been arguing off and on about how it would go best to ask you to sit here and let us borrow Kyoko for the better part of the day._ Maya's voice held no fatigue, though it seemed drained regardless, _I'm certain Kyoko knows where my lab is. Have her and Doctor Mizuno come there._

 _We'll be there shortly,_ Ami interjected politely. _We'll even bring in some of the cherry pie for everyone._ "I have nothing to forgive you for, you silly man." Tapping his nose with the tip of her finger, she nodded firmly. "And I love you too."

Once more alone, another pair of beings tied to his soul off to do what he himself could not, Shinji let his hands curl into fists atop his bent knee and began to recite a litany against anger. He was doing everything he could. His role was no longer to act, it was to facilitate. He was not the one to fix everything. He was the locus, the central point around which all resolutions could be found and implemented. The Judges thought to destroy his world, simply because it was _his_ world. Those smarter than he would repair the damage…he just had to remain calm if he was going to prevent future attacks.

+++++ 15th Angel + 11: Monday, December 5th (130)

"…Happy birthday to you!" The unified, and horrifyingly mispronounced, song came to an end as a blushing and deeply embarrassed Makoto Kino was applauded on her special day. There were few hours left in that day, but the intent remained pure. Everyone applauded as she blew out one solitary candle planted in the middle of one of the pies, signifying the beginning of a new life as part of the family and unknowingly starting a new tradition.

Standing back up tall, the statuesque stunner fidgeted with her hands, "Can we cut it now? Are we done?"

"Embarrassing you? Never," Minako laughed gaily. "But we'll take a break for now to enjoy your baking before Usagi faints from lack of sugar."

"I'm fine where I am, thank you very much," the once and future Princess of the Moon Kingdom held Fuuka in her lap, while sitting next to Rei Ayanami. "These two sweethearts give me everything I need."

Shinji began doling out the confection, "So you're fine not having any?"

"Do you hear how cruel His Majesty is to us, Fuuka-chan?" Affecting a doleful, put upon, tone she hugged the younger woman to her chest, "Oh, he wants me to waste away to nothing to prove that I love you and Rei-chan so!"

The First Child tilted her head, "You are a part of his soul now, you require no caloric intake in order to survive."

"It is not what we require, sister dear," Rei Hino brought over a trio of plates for her whining leader and the two teens she was lavishing with affection. "It's what we desire. My fussy friend has always had a sweet tooth, despite only ever needing the love and affection of her family and friends. It sets a terrible example, and is immensely unladylike, but Shinji and Makoto have a way about the kitchen that even I can't abstain wholly from enjoying." Seating herself beside the bluenette, she held a plate with two slices after handing over one to each of the others, "Might I feed you? The seating here is irregular, and it wouldn't do to have you wear half of this in an attempt at joining us in celebration."

"Please do," Rei Ayanami understood that what was happening was an attempt at bonding, and accepted that it was better for the group that she not assert her attempts at independence. "As Fuuka-chan is restraining Tsukino-san from assaulting the table by main force, it is best that I turn to you for assistance. Thank you."

Misato leaned to whisper in Shinji's ear after the last of the pie had been dispensed, "Got a second?"

The realization that he actually had no reason to say 'No' struck him like a bolt from Ramiel. There was no one in his soul, neither Aspect nor spirit. Sneaking his hand into hers, he bound them upright with invisible strands of Bardiel's hair and thrust them both into his soul. For the room, only a single heartbeat passed with no one aware of their disappearance. When they returned, however, both he and his violet-haired muse were feeling much less pent up. She'd read him wonderfully, and the weeklong vacation had been spent indulging in the most indecent acts imaginable. "So, how's the pie? Any credit needs to go to the birthday girl and Hikari, though. I'll take all the blame for any shortcomings."

"I think it turned out great," Makoto announced firmly. "Which means that I get to credit you for your part in it, senpai."

Hikari, leaning against the tallest of the sailors, smiled in agreement, "It's really good. It's too bad the little ones conked out; I think they'd enjoy this a lot."

Kodama rolled her fork in the air, "I'm sure it will keep. A treat tomorrow to help them deal with the stress of the day will be welcome, I'm sure."

"You're sure I don't need to worry about gaining weight?" Minami had only taken two small bites, caution and what discipline she had preventing her from overindulging, "Because I really want to eat, like, all of this…but not if it's going to live on my belly for the next five months."

"I've been eating like a pig since I moved in," Nicolette shrugged. "Haven't gained a single pound. If you're worried, I'll put you through my workout routine." Showing off her very feminine arms by rolling up her t-shirt, she shrugged, "I wouldn't say that I'm all muscle, so you should be fine doing what I do."

"That would be super awesome," she accepted happily. Taking a moment to consider the older woman, she tilted her head, "Have you considered a darker foundation? Not that you aren't gorgeous, but a shade darker might…senpai?" When she saw she had Shinji's attention, she held out her hand, "You can make liquids, right? Can you make what I'm thinking of?" Curling her hand reflexively around a bottle of the requested makeup as he summoned it into existence, she winked her thanks, "Perfect…what's this bottle made of?"

He shrugged, "Ice. It won't melt. It's…complicated."

Tossing the offering to Nicki, she let the explanation lie, "That. It's kinda like…like baseball! Change the speed of your pitch a little, make those lovely eyes pop just a bit more?"

Akane looked around, "Anyone seen Suzuka?"

"She went to help design the Shirakami annex, the others were busy tonight," Yang gestured towards the outside. "There are some special considerations needed, and her and Iri-chan are making it _very_ clear that the building is not considered 'military'. It's diplomacy stuff."

Tsuru nodded, "Kiyomi-san and Sachiko-san are with her, they all were discussing the kinds of questions they wanted to ask of any new officers. Suzuka-san asked that I check in on the little ones every half hour until she returns, so she may plan on being out for a while."

The ripple across the calm that Misato had gifted him was noticeable, but not overwhelming. Once again, he accepted that he couldn't insist on doing everything himself. He had people, and much like the woman he loved had said at the dinner…he had a tendency to fret in the background instead of allowing others to shine as they were capable of. If he was needed…they'd call.

+++++ 15th Angel + 12: Tuesday, December 6th (131)

The Manor was quiet, and at peace. The previously empty fields surrounding his latest home were now full of buildings, many of which were now occupied by those members of the trio of Companies that weren't on duty. Others were tearing down the tent city, reclaiming assets, continuing to ready the area to accept even more of their fellows. Activity swirled around him, songs of determination and tenacity ringing through his ears.

Seated in lotus position, bringing to bear the training the mother of his children had instilled in him, Shinji fought against the urge to roll up his sleeves and go help. He was to be an Emperor. Common, every day, tasks were not his to do. The people had their honor, he had to allow them to flex it or he was robbing them of their reason to carry on. Leaders, those over the lower enlisted doing the tasks, had to learn to lead. The more he did for them…. _Damn it, Asuka._

Groaning, his meditation shattered, he hated how no matter how wrong she was…she still managed to be right. Deep breaths didn't purge the scent of her being from his nose. No amount of kisses from other women had removed the feel of her lips. She wasn't perfect for him, by any stretch of the imagination…and yet…. Standing, giving up on doing anything useful meditatively, he paced back and forth, "I can't just…go there. I'm going to do something stupid. Hikari's right, I'm setting myself up for…for something."

"Where do you feel forbidden from going, Shinji-sama?" The sound of Fuuka's approach had been covered over with the roaring debate in his mind. The shapely, amber-eyed, young woman cautiously standing before him was the picture of grace and refinement as she repeated herself, "Shinji-sama?"

The sound of the honorific grated on his nerves, turning his impulsivity to a new target, "What can I give you, right now, to stop you from adding -sama to my name?" Shoving his hands in his pockets to stop from grabbing onto her, he considered her with as much calm as he could muster, "Nothing's off the table. You ask it of me, if you feel it of equal value, and I'll seriously consider it." He knew there was a matrix of thought occurring behind her practiced gaze. Though it wasn't on the topic he'd hoped as much as whether or not asking for anything would be tantamount to violating the very notion of wifehood that was held sacrosanct in her mind, "Fuuka…." Stepping closer, he set both hands to cupping her face. There was nothing of fear in her eyes, despite him towering over her like some misshapen beast. "Just this once…set aside your worry. I swear to you, on my honor and soul, nothing you ask will cause me to set _you_ aside. Nothing."

Timidly lifting her hands to touch his, the quaver in her voice was of anticipation, "…Kiss me? As you…as you do the others?"

Smoothing his thumbs over her cheeks, he asked the responsible question, "Are you certain?"

"Please…before…before I…."

Many of his first, genuine, kisses with the women in his life were fire and lightning. Thrilling, dangerous, experiences where he seemed to forever be behind them in terms of skill and confidence. Kissing Hikari, or Kodama, had seemed as if his world had suddenly become complete for a brief, fleeting, moment. Kissing Fuuka was, in his estimation, the opposite. There was safety, order, and dignity to the proceedings. Yes, there was a spike of lust. She was, without question, a being of beauty and poise. Only one who might never be interested in women would not at least admit that she was appealing on a physical level. But that did not rate the highest on his emotional charts at the moment. Instead….

Letting his hands drop down to her waist, he picked her up carefully and set her on the nearby bookshelf, in order to level out the height so he wasn't stooping. Whereas Tsuru, and Yang, had parted their legs to allow him to come closer to their person, Fuuka instead turned both to one side and leaned forward. A sexual being she may be, but she had never seen anything but asexual beings to compare herself to. Her actions and her thoughts were at war with one another, and the inexperience showed clearly. Yet, still, he didn't mind. Libidinous gratification wasn't screaming at him, instead….

Pulling back, and seeing his own emotional confusion reflected in her trembling stare, he whispered, "The Lover."

"With every ounce of my being. My soul. My very name…I love you so badly, my dearest Shinji." Her fingers trailed up to his neck, "I lived in fear ever since the day I was instructed in what it was to give yourself, as a woman must, to a husband. A fear that…that the first and only man I might ever know would use me to produce an heir, then cast me aside as a worthless doll." Her smile, the breaking of dawn, did not speak of fear, "How many times have I looked into your eyes and seen desire…yet you have maintained a distance between us. I…I have been confused, lost, and scared. Rei-sama…she has spoken calmly to me, assured me that you are only trying desperately to show me that my worth lies in more than…that."

"She, like usual, is right," he held himself still. "Even this much, Fuuka, is too much. You have been a victim of abuse your whole life. Your mother programming you to accept a marriage not of your own choosing. When I tried to free you from that, we ended up here. Destiny, fate, or otherwise…ethically I am furthering your abuse. But I can't insist you leave to find a man of your own choosing…because whatever I do, you'll feel. Whatever _you_ do…." Blowing out an explosive breath, "I should probably just deal with. That's been the problem this entire time. It's selfish of me to expect all of you to not seek out other men to fill your-"

Of everything he'd expected from Fuuka, from the quiet, demure, gentle being that knew nothing but an overwhelming need to be everything she could be to succeed at the task of becoming his wife in more than implication, a ringing slap to the face was not on the docket. In truth, it had been some time since one of his wives had felt the need to attempt to turn his face sideways. That his reaction speed was as far beyond her own as the distant stars in the sky were to the Earth was the only reason she likely didn't damage her hand in the doing of it, allowing him to turn with the blow and dampen the impact on her fragile bones.

"I…require… _only_ …." The warring impulses in her eyes as he turned back to face her spoke volumes. Her voice remained docile, but it was obvious that her lexical options were becoming more and more limited, "My…husband." Touching the tips of her fingers to his lips, she pushed through her pain, "You…shall…." Her voice failed, her shoulders bunching as if her spine had been lit aflame, "N-n-never…s-s-speak…of that…." Swallowing, twice, tears flowed down her cheeks, " _Again_." The final word spat out as a curse, she whimpered in remembered pain and clutched him closer as a child might to seek out their parent for protection.

Quickly summoning Shamshel's grace, he urged her to relax. The mental trauma associated with physical stimulus was something he was all too familiar with, and the first step to stopping either was to restore calm. "I won't, I'm sorry." It was an easy promise to make, seeing the toll it took on her for his sins, "I won't even allow my nightmares to be of another man touching you."

"Please…." Her voice was a pale shadow of itself, "Come sleep by me…. Don't let her hurt me…. I'm so lonely, my dearest, dearest, love. Please, don't leave me."

Her broken voice might have been enough to make him feel like tearing his own heart out…were it not for the fact that the darkest part of his mind reminded him that another beautiful, broken, woman had asked him the same thing recently. A woman he'd pushed away from him and his family. A woman he'd…. Shoving that aside for the moment he scooped the woman before him in his arms and carried her to the room he'd specifically crafted to be a place of retreat for him. On those nights where none of the women in his house were available, and he needed to lie down, the small chamber would allow him to center himself without seeming to be a place he'd spend a great deal of time. It was a balance between her desires, and his failures.

+++++ 15th Angel + 12: Tuesday, December 6th (131)

"No, no I see where you're coming from," Kyoko announced, seated on a floating cushion of nothingness as she read through the notes the trio of scientists had compiled. "This isn't a prion, and it's not a virus. So…it's also not bacterial, or fungal, or parasitic. Protozoa? That…wouldn't make any sense. There are only so many forms infectious life can take, and this clearly isn't any of the ones we're familiar with."

Ami, comfortable in a borrowed lab coat and writing short questions down on the whiteboard, chimed in with her own perspective, "There are other forms of life out there, ma'am. We've come across magical ailments, spiritual, even anti-magical. Do these…I'm sorry, Doctor, what did you call them?"

"Just Amy, dear," the alien healer waved off the title. "The Judges. This has to be partly them, and partly The Scions. They would have access to a whole host of worlds with things I am just not familiar with, to answer your question. While I do not believe in 'magic', I will not deny that it may be more advanced science than I can understand."

"A debate for another time," Maya interceded before the discussion could move off track. "What we know is that it changes depending on the host. It knows a female from a male, and it infects only a limited area of the specific sex. The MAGI agree that countering this is going to require genetic therapy, which requires removing the infection first. Otherwise, all we're doing is cleaning the kitchen before inviting the mud-covered dog back into the house."

Ritsuko was twirling her pen in a tight double arc, "We'll also have to purify the source of infection from the environment, if we're not going to vaccinate and adapt. If it's atmospheric, we'll have to scrub…everything. We need samples: air, soil, water, animal, everything. We need a test, to see if this is still active in the wild or if it's inert…that's an annoying thought. If this is an intelligent virus, capable of adapting and thinking, it's going to camouflage itself."

"Then we need a better mousetrap," Ami turned around, tapping the board. "It's rare that I end up working with women as smart as I am. These are the things I'm wondering, ladies. If I knew the answers, I wouldn't be asking the questions, so let's start brainstorming. The sooner we're done here, the sooner we can all get back to forcing Shinji-kun into rubbing our feet in the bath."

Kyoko glanced at the board, "The second one is 'Shinji Ikari'." Rotating the tablet around so everyone could see, she pointed to the screen, "Someone tinkered with the virus, for lack of a better term, and changed it so that while it rendered his sperm inert…it didn't render him _sterile_. That kind of singular immunity doesn't just happen at random. As genetically distinct as he is, he still existed as a human in this environment during the time the virus was active. Maybe we need more samples from him, retro-engineer something?"

"As much as I love the idea of bringing him in here and acquiring those samples," Maya gestured to the computer screen, "I have more than enough here already to validate the theory before we bring him in here for mass production."

Amy breathed out a sigh, "I…hate to say…."

"He won't blame you," Ami announced, writing down a few notes by the second question. "Even if you did this intentionally, it's just not in him to hate someone who is trying to be better. Don't hide from him, it'll only hurt him and make you more sad." Looking to Ritsuko, she gestured to the coffee pot, "Do you have a cup I could borrow?"

+++++ Author's Notes:

Well…that was a thing. I am going to state right now, clearly and plainly, that I will not be posting as frequently as I was. I'm still muddling through what life chose to gift to me, and can't give this story the full attention it deserves in addition to keeping myself above water. I, however, am also going to state clearly that this story is going to damn well be finished. I started this, and I am going to find a way to finish it.

To everyone who sent fond regards, a heart-felt thanks.

To everyone who's reading this, take care of yourself. There are people out there who care about you, and none of us is ever as alone as we believe ourselves to be.


	152. Chapter 152

+++++ 15th Angel + 12: Tuesday, December 6th (131)

The call was specific to him, but lacked direction, _My love?_

 _In the annex. Fuuka…needed…._ He trailed off, uncertain how to explain to Hikari his own mind, _It was a night. She's asleep, is something wrong?_

 _We need to start getting ready for meeting Cardinal Brahe, according to Kelly. She's working with Suzuka to get the little ones moving,_ her tone conveyed no urgency. _If you'd rather, I can make breakfast myself. I just thought you'd prefer to be involved in the way you normally are. When you weren't in the music room, gym, or study I finally remembered that I can just think your name and talk to you. I'm not really awake myself, I guess._

Shinji had to ponder the confluence of concepts that ended with the act of her saying his name translating in his mind to 'my love'. That path only held further heartache, though, so he backed away from it, _No, I'll wake her up. She and I will go make some breakfast for everyone. It'll be good for her to…I don't know…feel like she's helping?_ Swallowing a sigh, he asked the woman he loved most, _Light, am I just fucking this up? I'm trying to stop her from being abused…but she wants nothing more than to consider herself my wife. I'm going to ask everyone over breakfast this morning to sign the papers to become my wives according to the nation of Japan, backdated to when they moved into the Manor. Am I just denying her to assuage my own guilt?_

There was a lengthy pause before she responded, _If I were in your situation, Shinji, I would give her what she desires. She's not going anywhere. She's not leaving here, where she's safe. Loved. Wanted in more ways than that very attractive body of hers. She has Rei, who has been a wonderful friend and leaned on her. She has you, who radiates love…despite the pain mingled with it. You aren't lusting after her because she's pretty. You aren't looking at her like an 'easy lay'. The circumstances which brought us together were terrible._ She seemed to shrug mentally, _Don't let them linger like poison over everything you do with her so that half a century from now that's all you have in your mind as a history._

The star in his sky, as usual, managed to make it seem so easy. _I love you, Hikari Ikari. I need to talk some, later. When I know what I'm trying to say._

 _You know where to find me,_ a final pulse of love and she moved on with her morning.

From his position cradling the tragic beauty in his arms, Shinji was able to see once again why it would be so easy to just…follow what was seemingly natural. Her body wasn't the athletic perfection of Kelly or Suzuka, or the generous proportions of Ritsuko or Kodama. She didn't have the budding youthful maturity of Hikari or Minami. Or the weathered charm of Akane or Mikoto. What Fuuka had was seemingly flawless genetics without refinement. It was as if Rei Ayanami had never spent time in physical exercise. The clay itself was more than sufficient, the artist that worked with it would only change how someone would behold that perfection.

Running his finger along her forehead to clear her hair from her eyes, he kissed her temple and tried to wake her gently, "Fuuka? It's time to get up." Watching her take the first breath of semi-consciousness only amplified her beauty, the fragility she contained demanding that he shelter her forevermore. Cupping her cheek, he smiled so that the first thing she would see was what warmth he could offer.

Her eyelids slowly parted, and with them her own lips grew into a welcoming smile, "Oh my, oh my…good morning Shinji-sa…." Her lips drooped, "Shinji."

"You may call me whatever you wish." His bout of selfishness hadn't led to a good end, and whether it bothered him or not…it made her happy. "Might I give you a kiss? To make up for last night?"

Excitement rebounded in her amber eyes, "Of course…but I require no-"

Cutting her off, with a far gentler method than she herself used, he tried to build a useful basis of knowledge for her to work with. It wasn't a mark on her that she had never been kissed before he had been gifted the experience, it simply spoke of a life lived differently. He enjoyed her soft lips, the way she touched the back of his neck…the way her breath tickled his face…. The 'gentle' kiss quickly shifted towards hungry, a feeling of desire flowing from her as he gave into his physical urges. His hand shifted from her face to slide along her ribs, to her hips.

 _Please…._ Her voice, unpracticed, sounded in his mind, _Touch me?_ Gripping his arm, she moved his hand to cup her chest, _Please, husband…please touch me._

Dismissing her shirt was easy. He had crafted stars, resurrected extinct plant life, healed the atmosphere, destroyed anti-magical lifeforms. A simple nightshirt was as challenging to him as Nozomi's math homework. Explaining to himself why he was moving his 'kiss' from her lips to her chest was math so advanced as to be space magic. Her sudden intake of breath, a shuddering moan of delight, only urged him further onward. There was constant affirmation in her voice, in the way she curled her hand over his as he massaged one breast, tangled her fingers in his hair as he suckled the other.

"Hnnggg," eloquence was fading and failing as her mouth tried desperately to urge him onwards. She had felt teasing, tantalizing, samples of lust as the bursts from his kisses with the other women crescendoed and decrescendoed with almost primal fury. The world hidden from her view by her husband's kindness was now standing before her unfiltered. She knew that she could control this. She could direct it. One, small, word from her was all that she would need to set him inside of her. It would hurt gloriously, pleasure her terribly, and tie them together irrevocably. Twice she had asked for something. Twice he had given it. Neither time had he hurt her in the doing. It was only that he believed she wanted, _desired_ another man. A disgusting, hideous, thought if ever she'd had one. She might, once a woman in her own right, pursue dalliances with some of the ladies of the house. It was not uncommon in the books she'd been given on the subject and it would bring them closer together in sisterhood and service. Her husband, her lord and master, would forever be her one and only. She was his gift. She was his everything. She…she could ask him one, small, thing…. Glowing, unseen in the low light, with a blackened aura, she whispered and gently pushed on his head, "L-lower." The trail of kisses he touched to her ribs, then her stomach, set her toes aflame. The light touch of his tongue to her navel almost lit off her first ever experience with climax. Watching as he gripped her cotton prison between his teeth, dragging them free of her body, caused her to curse herself for asking for one thing and not _that_ thing. He might not give her a fourth, he might not-

+++++ 15th Angel + 12: Tuesday, December 6th (131)

Rei Ayanami, sitting in the bathroom having her hair washed, was perfectly content with how the morning was going. The play by play which spread through the household, the uncontrolled thoughts of Fuuka as she begged their shared husband to never stop, was an amusement to be lingered over. The fact that the woman washing her was not shy about caressing those places that provided pleasure during the telling of it only made the voyeurism all the sweeter, "This was overdue."

"That's one perspective," Hikari admitted. "I can see it from Shinji's all too easily. If the situation allowed for him to let her go free, without causing him pain when some other man with lesser morals took advantage of her, that would fit neatly in with his ethical guidelines. Instead, since she's tied to him for all time, the most that he was doing was delaying the inevitable and stretching out the angst. He'd rather angst than guilt, as short-lived as guilt would be."

"He would, as you said, spend five decades denying his lusts in the waking world, expecting her to change her mind," she countered without any heat. "He would drag the pain onwards, draping it over everything he did. This may hurt, for a short time, but there was no other possible end. She will never wish to leave him; her worldview is predicated specifically and explicitly over a patriarchal construct that enabled her mother's depredations. As feminine as the man we love is, expecting him to become that is folly. And so, it is better that they meet in the middle, like this, so that neither side is given everything they wish. She will accept his reticence; he will accept her unending devotion. Balance, much as he seeks in other aspects of his life."

Following another aching mental scream of ecstasy from nearby, the Princess shrugged unseen, "He can be 'take charge'. You just have to wind him up the right way. Still, I doubt either of us want him to be anything but what he is."

"Perhaps healthier of mind," Rei offered simply.

"Definitely healthier of mind," she agreed.

+++++ 15th Angel + 12: Tuesday, December 6th (131)

Using the time and space in his soul to linger afterwards with her allowed him to not completely hate himself. They had sat for hours in his soul bathing in water that never lost its heat, her body seated with immaculate poise on his lap. He had said precious little, though needed to say nothing for the talking that she herself engaged in. Fuuka was effusive in her praise for his prowess, his manliness, and his gentle romance. She alternately hoped that she might become pregnant, and worried that he might not wish her to, as the argument ponged back and forth in her mind. She insisted that, soon, she would return the 'favor' he had graced her with before granting her the fourth and final wish. Every statement she made, pure and perfect truth, only served to confuse him and confound him.

Once she was calmer, settled in the reality that she had claimed her spot in his life, Shinji had moved them back into the real world to wash their physical shells with more haste. "I am sorry that we have to hurry, but today is going to be very busy."

"Oh my, we've just spent far longer than I'd thought possible, my dearest love. Believe me, I appreciate the truth that I cannot claim all of your time," a picture-perfect smile amplified the honesty of the statement.

Offering her clothing that would flatter her in his eyes, he tried to force away the dark thoughts building on the horizon, "I need to get moving. Will you be alright on your own?"

"Please, go," she moved out of his way. "I am eager to meet these gentlemen that require our time. Any who call upon you for such an audience deserve our best, and I must ensure my hair is properly situated."

Pausing to kiss her on the way past, he continued to dig his own grave, "You could never look less than perfect, I swear." Slamming his own clothes into place, he opened the doors between Fuuka's bathroom and her bedroom. He, of course, made it only to the hallway before his plans were changed once more. Lying unconscious on one of the recessed benches lining the hallway, with Yang tending to her, was one of the other women he'd not yet shared intimacy with. "Fuck."

"That would be the dilemma," his Diplomat chuckled ruefully. "Spent all that time worrying about Fuuka having a meltdown, still ended up causing poor Minami to faceplant when the overmind narrations started."

His face went flat, "The…you're kidding."

"Fuuka-chan apparently doesn't know how to focus her thoughts," Tsuru hid an embarrassed, yet amused, grin behind her hands. "We heard _everything_." Pulling him into a hug, she unknowingly echoed Rei Ayanami's thoughts on the matter, "It was a matter of time, my prince. She's one of us, and she loves you deeply. Thank you for making certain that her first experience was something worth celebrating, instead of filled with decades of emotional baggage."

Unable to stop himself from blushing, Shinji mechanically returned the hug, "So…all of you…."

"Know exactly what she received," Suzuka announced as she walked past. "Dear heart, have some pride in your work. Breakfast remains unmade, ladies. Help Minami-chan recover while our husband and I see to feeding everyone." Separating him from Tsuru, she urged him down the hall and towards the kitchen. _This was not a terrible deed. You are not a monster. The situations you keep comparing this to, and conjuring in your mind to castigate yourself with, are fictions. In this world, the real world we both reside within, you gave a young woman the gift many a young woman dreams of. You will, when it is time, give the same gift to Minami-chan. Hold your head high, so you do not denigrate what you have given her with pointless self-flagellation._

Working with her own motions, he twirled her around so that she walked in the crook of his arm, _She reminded me of Asuka._ He could feel the statement hit her, landing awkwardly. _Nature versus Nurture. The only difference between them, is that Kyoko was ripped from the world before she could nurture Asuka, and Fuuka's nature overcomes what her mother tried to do to her. I don't know if I hate her or love her, Suzi…but that redheaded irritant is stuck in my damn mind, and I'm finding more and more that she wasn't wrong._

+++++ 15th Angel + 12: Tuesday, December 6th (131)

Breakfast was spent with most of his time apologizing to Minami, and everyone avoiding ruining Fuuka's day by pointing out what had happened. Misato promised to address it later, woman to woman, and so Shinji left it alone. The clothing for the day was accented and changed by a combination of women, Nicki, Yang, and Minami cooperating to help him dress everyone to maximize the 'wow' factor. Pictures might be taken, but impressions would be indelible. Transportation was provided courtesy of Lieutenant Colonel Hagiwara's driver, the senior officer insisting that Kiyomi accompany him in her expected capacity as military attaché while she turned her attentions to acquiring more people to help run what they'd started. The base that had been crafted from nothing continued to stay in motion, even as they left for NERV, and the ride from one 'base' to the next was filled with jovial conversation that was chosen by Hikari and Akane to keep him 'settled'. Their lives were changing forever this day…and it was his fault.

Meeting Kelly, who had hurried in to NERV ahead of everyone else to perform the pre-meeting setup, Shinji left the group of women he was escorting to Saki Watanabe and Misato. His Irish Consort needed his help and wasn't shy in urging him to give it, "They told me 'No'. I understand that this is important, I agree that it's important, but the virus is not going to be solved in the next day. We need them present, pretty, and poised." Giving him a petulant, adorable, smile, she toyed with the buttons of his shirt flirtatiously, "Convince them, with me?"

He could only nod, accepting that his right hand rarely asked for anything, which made telling her 'No' more or less impossible. He'd make the effort, the success of which would rely on the women he was about to speak with. Contemplating the optics he was about to provide to the representatives of the Church and State during the ceremonial greeting, he spent the journey to Maya's lab in silence. He wasn't ready for what he walked into, as his mind had drifted far from his expected goal of convincing them to join him for the dog and pony show.

The sliding door opened at his touch to reveal three conversations happening simultaneously between five women. The math didn't seem to work, at first, until he realized that the crosstalk was nearly universal. As one, they all halted when he entered, and as one they all turned to glare at Kelly. Undeterred and unflappable, the former Naval officer simply folded her hands before her waist peacefully, "I said I was going to bring him here, and here he has been brought. Now you get to tell him why you can't support him in pushing for a peaceful transition to a new world order. Each of you is more than capable of putting thought to this virus problem while you sit and play nice for the cameras. None of you are going to enjoy the next several decades if you aren't in the photographs of this historic event. I will personally make your lives a living Hell if you deny him your comfort today, and don't think that I won't. Now ask him for whatever professional garments you'll take, and let's march our butts to where we are needed."

Ami, not ready for what was apparently part two of a discussion he had been absent for part one of, raised her hand timidly, "I'm…kind of dead. Am I-"

"Everyone. Will be. Present." Kelly's tone left nothing unexplained by her meaning. "He'll be recalling Lilith and Eve. Amethyst, you'll bring Rose. Ami-chan, you will inform your fellows. _Everyone_." Turning to the man she loved, she smiled winningly, "Ankle length, fitted, something in a forest green with white trim? Nude stockings, at the thigh, and sensible heels?"

Still silent, with his hands in his pockets, he changed her outfit as requested. It was one of the dresses he'd bought for her in another life, and so he was familiar enough to make it happen without thought.

"Perfect," kicking one heel up, she kissed his chin. "I'm going to get back to settling everyone in place. Once you have them dressed, bring them to the auditorium on Echo thirty five. You don't enter with them, Saki will be there to bring them in instead." Her smile dropped like a rock as she turned to consider the women one final time, "Fifteen minutes. Sharpish."

The room remained as still as he had been himself, until the door closed behind the departing Poet. Not making eye contact with anyone in particular, he asked in a calm and quiet tone, "So…who's first?"

+++++ 15th Angel + 12: Tuesday, December 6th (131)

Rose had argued less than Lily, surprisingly, but both were convinced when Shinji asked them with full sincerity if whatever they were doing was more important than being there as a family, whole and entire, during a pivotal moment in his planet's history. That Usagi declared her full support, followed by Eve's admission that she was simply glad to be considered part of the crew, cut short any further arguments and allowed an awestruck Saki Watanabe to lead a cluster of groups into the room through the main entrance. Everyone was present.

 _Come around the side hall, dear,_ Kelly called him mentally.

Appearing from thin air as he went to move, Phobos and Deimos alighted on his shoulders. Holding their position, despite his motion, they silently declared their place as a part of his family, as watchers over his acts. He was about to face great change, and they would not sit idle as one who would protect the women they loved did what was necessary.

Calm, now that he had no choice, Shinji kept his hands in his pockets and walked towards the door his Poet lingered outside. Waiting inside of that hall was his entire life. The women, and children, that he would tear apart reality for. Foreign dignitaries who were here to pronounce him 'Emperor', a 'Living Saint'. He knew that there were still surprises waiting…nothing in his life was ever spelled out clearly and neatly in advance. Coming to a halt before the one redhead that didn't exist to irritate him in some way, he took a centering breath before asking, "Do you ever wonder…what life would have been like if Adam had just learned to enjoy sharing symbolic power? If, instead of fighting against Lilith's desire to have a say in Creation, he had simply taken the chance to make life better for everyone?"

"Different, I would guess." Familiar enough with a man preparing himself for pain, she smoothed his shirt out, "It may be selfish, but I like the world I'm in. I have a family I love, a man I adore, and a chance to make the universe a better place. Not bad for a girl from a small town in a small country that's lived under the shadow of oppression for nearly all of its existence."

He smiled, a grim upturn of his lips, "They're making a mistake."

"Agree to disagree." Patting his chest, she put on her own game face, "When it starts, recognize it with a gesture of benediction. Your seat is at the head of the table, facing the audience. I'll be standing to your five, if you need something use the mental channel. Prepared statements from those in attendance, as well as those on the holographic conference pads, short break for people to analyze what the others said, then reconvene to get down to the business of forging a brave new world. Kodama has snacks for the little ones, I'd expect Cardinal Brahe to ask for regular breaks for his people. Mind your comments, sir…there's a whole world listening to them now."

Nodding, nothing left to say, he turned to present himself to the door and waited for Kelly to signal the guard inside to open it for him. Preceding him, then stepping to the side, she called out in a voice that likely could have been heard outside the building, "Ladies and Gentlemen, His Majesty Shinji Ikari, Emperor of the Ikari Empire, the Watcher over Chūbu, first of his name, Paladin of the Realm, Sworn Regent and Devoted Protector of Old Hakone and its Environs, and Beloved Husband and Father."

The Catholic contingent shot to their feet, applauding without accompanying cheers though with broad smiles as if receiving-

Phobos and Deimos launched themselves from his shoulders, circling around the room in slow, lazy, arcs. With his arms now free, he was able to lift his hand as if he were both recognizing the praise he was receiving for simply existing and wishing those giving him that praise healthier, happier, lives. Moving purposefully, if a touch unhurriedly, he still covered the ground between him and his seat far faster than any of the others present might have.

The room had more people than he'd anticipated, with others representing themselves through the holographic system in place that had allowed his own father to hold meetings with the various UN committees he'd been leading on merry chases. Several Japanese ministers, members of the Diet, and military personnel. Cardinal Brahe's retinue, as well as those assigned to both of the Archbishops he'd spoken with. The Imperial Princess, and a coterie of servants and staff. Gretchen, and more than a few UN delegates. Admiral Drake, Admiral Lazarev, and several of their staff. Others he didn't recognize and couldn't identify, save by the way they dressed.

Seated in a special section, with Honor Guards standing between them and anyone else, was his household. His _entire_ household. Aspects, spirits, aliens, and humans. Even, somehow, Pen-Pen. The warm water aquatic bird was eyeing everyone with thinly veiled irritation, the noise not something he appreciated. There was no doubt, to any who might simply look at a photo of the room, that those sitting with his family were considered special. Honored. _Sacred_.

Stepping between the table and the chair, he motioned for quiet and urged one thing as his Ravens landed on the corners of the looming backrest, "What we do today, I pray that we do for the good of humanity. If any here doubts their dedication to improving the lives of _every_ man, woman, and child on this Earth, even those we may disagree with…I beg them to leave now. Those who remain, I will hold accountable for the decisions we agree to." When none made to leave, he nodded and took his seat, "Then let us begin."

+++++ 15th Angel + 12: Tuesday, December 6th (131)

The speeches, well-prepared and delivered with as much enthusiasm as was reasonable, had taken the better part of two hours to get through. He had been declared everything from a boon to all mankind, to a shining paragon of what humanity was capable of with enough dedication, to a blessing from a benevolent creator. His family was lauded with effusive praise for supporting him during these dark times, glorified for their willingness to sacrifice a 'more traditional' relationship to lead the way for those that would need to follow in their steps. His colleagues in the Eva project were declared heroes for their steadfast dedication to not only defending mankind, but to doing so without fraud, waste, or abuse. He was promised support, accolades, and rewards beyond his imagination. Through it all, he sat there with a simple smile on his face, trying with all his might…not to cry.

The first break, allowing everyone to discuss amongst their groups what they'd heard from the other groups, gave him no rest. He was approached, swiftly, by a messenger from the Imperial Princess. The note delivered simply stating, 'Do not despair, Warrior of Light'. He couldn't prevent the honest chuckle, nor the warm smile he gave in return to the woman gazing on him with understanding and sympathy at the memory of her telling him just that very thing so very long ago on his wedding day. Duty was their mandate, and she had taken his measure long, long ago. Motioning the messenger closer, he lowered his voice and asked, "Please, tell her We appreciate her wisdom, and her presence during today's events. We hope to spend more time with her, as We might."

The young woman bowed and hurried off to deliver the response. This created that most abhorrent of things, that which nature cannot abide: a vacuum. The dead space was filled with two more messengers, requesting that he read notes they had delivered from their superiors. The first was from the member of the Diet who had assisted Itsuki Hagiwara, urging caution regarding the delegation from the Chinese mission to the UN. This he 'accidentally' set on fire, while gesturing the bearer closer to respond that he understood and would bear the warning in mind. The second was a formal request from Admiral Lazarev that he be allowed to send some candy to Team Rainbow. The note, written in English, tipped him off that even these dispatches were likely to be monitored and his display of caution regarding leaving them lying about open was not ill-considered. Advising that perhaps any candy go through Kodama, he also asked for another bottle of strawberry wine, hoping that his 'mistake' would be understood as understanding. _They want me to be an Emperor, and here we sit already filling ourselves with mistrust by playing games._

Kelly stepped away from her huddle with one of the clerical staff from Cardinal Brahe's retinue to 'tend to her boss'. Leaning down, she moved her mouth as if whispering, though spoke exclusively in her mind, _Some members of the UN will be making a power play here. They're going to start testing your resolve, see how easy it will be to get you to accede to any demands. That two of the women of our family are pink, and eleven are visibly alien, with only Ireul, Leliel, Eve, and Lily appearing 'human', is still holding their tongues. I'd expect the question of your humanity to come from someone during the next flurry of statements and questions._

 _So, that means I need to seize control of my own narrative._ He was familiar enough with statecraft, the songs of those eager to align with him had been bombarding him with tactics and strategies unknowingly, _Then, the best way to start…is to be unpredictable._ Motioning her back, Shinji leaned over towards where Cardinal Brahe was reading through an unexpected letter, and cleared his throat, "Excuse me, Your Eminence?"

There was surprise in the man's song, not having anticipated Shinji deciding to bypass those he would have been more comfortable making idle chats with. A friendly smile bespoke an eager curiosity about the oddity before him, "Yes, Your Holiness?"

"Is that how I'm addressed?" Smiling in turn, Shinji shrugged, "To be honest, I'm just about completely lost on how someone not born into the Catholic faith, or baptized in the faith, might be addressed as ostensibly a 'living saint'. My only familiarity with the religion itself comes from my brilliant right hand, Kelly Chambers. And a host of memories of lives that…."

The fact that Shinji had his doubts only fed the enthusiasm the Cardinal addressed him with, "Are you more comfortable in English? I am quite conversant in your native tongue; I spent my time in seminary with a wonderful gentleman who patiently instructed me in the language."

"Ah, well then. I guess I ought to have considered the possibility that your Pope knew who he was sending, with a little forethought," with a wry shrug, he switched languages himself. "To be honest, I'm comfortable in any language on Earth, and some not found…locally."

"It's no slight that you would worry at another's capacity. I listen to my translator to allow for alternate interpretations of phrases, nuance or…colloquialisms." His statement slowed as Shinji changed the water in the pitcher before him to a liquid that was only found on Rose's home planet, the juice of a cactus-like plant that appeared in the colder southern reaches, "How, if I might beg your indulgence, do you manage that? While the total mass itself may not be created or obliterated, you're changing the elements that comprise it, which has to alter the structure itself. It violates our understanding of Newtonian physics, at the least."

Using Bardiel's invisible strands to pour a glass for himself and the Cardinal, Shinji was grateful that curiosity and not condemnation had followed the test, "A scientist?"

"The majesty of the tools by which God orders the universe are never beyond human understanding, Your Holiness. We only need to look harder; His answers are ever waiting for willing eyes." Accepting the glass, which floated towards him smoothly, he judged the coloration, "Thank you."

Hefting his own cup in a toast, Shinji nodded in fellowship, "To willing eyes." The gently sweet liquid was harmless to humans, the carbohydrates easily broken down like the juice of any orange, and it tasted nearly akin to fresh watermelon at its ripest. Pleased when the man before him eagerly tried the new experience, he kept the pressure up, "So you are an adherent to the less…hidebound, I suppose, interpretations of your faith?"

"That is delicious." Setting down the cup to not allow greed to overcome manners and training, he agreed easily, "While I hold to the teachings as dearly as any of my Church, I do not prejudice myself against obvious truths like many might. As your faithful advisor might have informed you, the Holy See does not view science as anathema. Merely capable of great harm when not properly ordered. Too many think to deceive the faithful with sleight of hand, or cunning tricks and lies. A keen mind, an understanding of science, and a healthy skepticism allow us to protect them against those dark forces."

"Indeed. It's an unfortunate truth that charlatans and miscreants seek the 'easy path' through life, putting their talents and capacity for lies to poor ends." Pulling one of the apples adorning the center of the table towards him, Shinji split it in half with Zeruel's touch to retrieve the seeds. "It's…odd, I'll choose to call it odd I suppose," with Sandalphon's powers, he used the four seeds to quickly grow four more apples, setting three before him before repeating the process several more times with the fourth. "With enough work, I could feed everyone." Offering one of the apples to his conversational partner, he frowned, "Does that not obligate me, in your opinion, to do what I can to feed everyone?"

Wonder and joy beamed from his face as he accepted the fruit, "No, Your Holiness. It does not." Feeling the apple, pushing and testing it, he continued to speak abstractedly, "One of my mother's more favorite sayings was, 'Pray as if it is up to God, work as if it is up to you.' Her meaning, of course, is that if we leave everything up to Him we are belittling our own capacity for good." Setting the apple down, he looked back to Shinji, "That is not to say that we shouldn't help those who require it. Charity is a virtue. But like every other concept under the sun that virtue can be abused. 'Teach a man to fish,' as they say."

Willing a knife of solid ice into his hand, Shinji spun it around to offer the hilt to the Cardinal, "That same saying, however, works regarding warmth and setting them on fire."

Faced with miracle after miracle, Johannes Cardinal Brahe gratefully accepted the next in a seemingly endless sequence, "Which simply proves the point, one should say. Help should never be unconditional. Help a drunk man find his next bottle and you do not truly help him. Help a drunk man see that his vices destroy him by beating him, and he only learns to fear the fist." Splitting the apple in half easily, and observing the fruit within, he set down the knife and spread his hands, "Love him, and through that love show him a better path to God's light, and you save his soul." With a slight shake of his head, the man couldn't believe his own eyes, "You answer my every question before I ask it. You are not deceiving me, you willingly hand me everything to test myself. Why, if I may be allowed to ask a question, do you doubt your own Grace?"

The room had, by and large, quietly watched the exchange. "Because I was born Shinji Ikari, son of Yui Ikari, and Gendo Rokubungi, later Gendo Ikari. Because I spent the first three years of my life, looking at people who would be as gods to the mind of a toddler…only to watch one willingly kill herself to prove the breadth of her self-delusion, and the other abandon me to prove the depth of his manic fixation. Because I spent ten years being beaten, tortured…called worthless, weak, and useless. I then spent months fighting for my life…only to be offered a chance to save everyone. Because I am where I am…at the whim of a capricious being that refuses to show its face to me while it orders me about through pain, and fire, and hate." Gesturing to the other diplomats in the room, he smiled sadly, "Because I could very easily have been ignored by them as I struggled against titanic beings from beyond the stars," his hand shifted to where his family sat, "save for the fact that I love them more than I love myself. I have no grace, Johannes of Lydersholm, son of Alice and Peter. Only the reflected light of women I would give any and everything I have to be worthy of. What I have…." Summoning his spear and holding it in the hand he'd used to gesture, he let his aura go, "Is power. It matters not what I was born. I am now the product of uncounted ages of pain. I seek _peace_ but am surrounded by _war_. I am a Paladin, a Wanderer without a home. I look at humanity seeking its own destruction and I weep tears of flame," his eyes proved the truth of his words, each willingly taking the hue and depth they were capable of as they lit on fire. "They name me Emperor. You name me Saint. I…." Working his grip to ease the tension that had built up as he spoke, Shinji dug the butt of his spear into the ground as his voice shifted towards the depth of his regrets, "I wanted to live a peaceful life. A simple life. A life of being good, and kind. But I…." Exhaling harshly, he quoted a dead friend, "Great men do not move through life with clean hands. We do what we must, for those who cannot. There will be death, there will be famine, there will be chaos. I cannot control all ends, I cannot control what Creation itself places before me. I can, and I will, control what I do about these evils. If that means accepting what others would call me, then I must accept it. If I must rule…wherever I must rule will be a place of balance. Whatever I must do to make it so, I shall do."

"So declares Saint Ikari, Patron Saint of Wanderers," the Cardinal declared. Reaching into his stack of papers, he pulled out one and held it out for all to see, "Named a Living Saint by Papal bull. I have been entrusted by the Holy See to declare that the Vatican calls on all peace-loving nations of the world to seek good standing with the Empire of Ikari. That we will, hand in hand with the glorious nation of Japan, lay the hopes of all our children at his feet. All good children of the Holy Mother will look to His Holiness to lead us onward to the glories of Heaven."

"The Children of Yamato do so agree," the Imperial Princess declared in a firm voice. "Our dear younger brother now spreads his wings to chart his own course. On behalf of Our eldest brother, the Chrysanthemum throne petitions for shelter under the Grace of Ikari."

Before he could respond, a number of other voices called out similar requests, not wishing to be seen as slow to seek his favor. Scanning the room, he could feel only one song that was less than content with the happenings, _Who is that sitting next to the general? The JSSDF Marine general, second row on the left, my apologies. There's about a dozen of them in this area._

Kelly responded after a brief pause, _Seating chart says, 'Advisory Staff'. Not particularly descriptive._

 _She's nervous. Everyone else is anxious, more excited than upset, she's genuinely worried about something._ Ethical worries were quickly set aside, _My Flame, is she planning anything dangerous? Don't share her thoughts if she's just…being sane._

Rei Hino, with a slight look of confusion, asked, _What's an Armisael?_

Shinji stood from the table, his eyes locked on the new target, his hand tight around his spear. Levelling the deadly weapon at the supposed 'advisor', he cut over the startled gasps, "You. Do not move."

+++++ 16th Angel + 0: Tuesday, December 6th (131)

Fear, pain, but no confusion crossed the woman's face as she slowly stood, "You killed Father."

 _Great job, Eve,_ Lilith ground out. _One of your children right under our noses, and not even a 'Head's Up'?_

Approaching cautiously, Shinji tried to keep the Angel's focus on him so that everyone else could back away. The military detachment from the JSSDF, however, stood their ground and prepared to fight against a potential threat to not only The Paladin, but the Imperial Princess, members of the Diet, and other dignitaries on what was their home soil. He kept his voice calm, "Everyone, back away. This doesn't need to end in violence. Armisael, you're-"

"Why?" The woman's face began to move oddly, as if emotions were foreign concepts, "Why did you have to kill our Father?!"

"Armisael, dear," Eve moved to support Shinji, standing near him to de-escalate the situation, "your Father went to his death willingly. He was dead the moment Lilith crashed into this world. You know how the rules are, the two species cannot coexist without an intermediary. Shinji can be that intermediary!" Indicating the possessed woman's torso, she made her own plea, "Please, don't hurt this poor woman's child simply to avenge a man that neither deserved it nor wanted it."

 _She's pregnant?_ Shinji grimaced, _Of course…that's how Armisael is-_

 _I can't intervene, Master,_ Eve informed him with a heavy heart. _She's challenging you. If I interfere, Creation could take it as a violation of the rules and the entire system will collapse. A complete reset will be the best possible outcome, a total wipe of reality…far more likely._

"You can see your brothers, your sisters," he had to work this out diplomatically. If he failed, there was every possibility people would die in the scuffle. He was nowhere near his Eva, and he wasn't confident that Armisael would remain in the mortal shell for a fight, "They stand with me. In love! Love for me, for their new family, love for you…if you'll just let us-"

"They stand in fear!" She screamed out her defiance, "You killed our Father! You're torturing my brother!"

Eve spread her hands pleadingly, "Calm, my child…please, I feel no fear of this man. I love him more than I ever loved your Father. He's going to give you more siblings, you'll-"

"No…." A smug tone entered her voice, "He won't."

The sound of Suzuka's scream would haunt Shinji's mind, both in his waking hours and those few he chose to spend sleeping, for thousands of years. Frozen, in horror, he felt his wife's pain wash over him like a tsunami. Slightly less than a second passed as he debated rapidly what to do, what he _could_ do. If he killed the woman holding Armisael, there was no guarantee it would also kill the Angel. If he didn't, he allowed the murder of his children, potentially his wife, and then everyone else nearby should the Sixteenth choose to do so. A baby, innocent and unborn, was being used as a shield.

His children were being threatened.

Teleporting the last distance between him and his target, he flung her upwards against the vaulted ceiling, two dozen meters above. Flying up after her, he impaled her with his spear and simply obliterated the poor Lilin's corporeal form with that natural electricity which Ramiel could produce. Unfortunately, this did not kill the Angel. It did, however, free her from the shell she'd chosen to inhabit. Wrapped around the point of his weapon, the beast undulated in a sick parody of life.

As she swelled to immensity, a twin helix of light and suffering, the Angel of the Womb roared in pain and rage, _You will know our misery you failed usurper!_

 _Misato, go get Unit-01 up top!_ His last order given, Shinji called on Sahaquiel's shield to protect those below him as he shoved his foe out through the various layers of the GeoFront between him and the ground above. He couldn't worry about anything else now. _My children._ Forcing the thought away, he pushed harder. Metal, plaster, wood, and stone erupted around them while they ascended, as Armisael lashed him with both ends of her snakelike body. Many unfortunate employees of NERV were injured, some very badly, by the necessary but drastic evacuation. He couldn't protect everyone. _I couldn't protect my own children._ Daylight, cold and sterile, burst into his eyes as the outside world welcomed them from the underground. His skin sizzled, his mind shrieking that what he was doing was damaging him horrendously, he spun and threw his now full-sized opponent away from him. He had to buy time. Unit-01 wasn't where he was, he was vulnerable. _I hesitated_. His grip on the haft of his spear tightened, "I'm going to kill you now."

Rushing towards him, a wordless howl echoing across the landscape, Armisael was no longer interested in speaking. She would be the one to avenge her father. She would be the one to save them all. All that was between her and victory was a pathetic, weak-hearted, Lilin.

+++++ 16th Angel + 0: Tuesday, December 6th (131)

"I know he's not in it, you blithering idiot, _launch the fucking Eva!_ " Misato's foot beat a rapid tattoo on the elevator as she waited impatiently for it to reach the bridge, slamming the 'end call' button on her phone. Shinji was exposed, alone, and facing an Angel. Suzuka was being hauled to medical by Kyoko, Kodama, and Ritsuko, and she had no further information. Hikari and Kelly were attempting to explain as they could to worried diplomats and clergy, everyone who'd remained behind asking what they could do to help. Tsuru, Yang, Minami, Fuuka, and Rei were helping Pen-Pen calm and occupy Team Rainbow. Maya and Akane were working with the 'Sailor Senshi', as they called themselves, to affect recovery operations for those harmed by Shinji taking the fight outside. Everyone had their roles, everyone was doing what they needed to.

Reaching the top, she almost bumped into Shigeru as she exited the lift, who apologized as he hurried over to his console, "I was just coming on shift, ma'am, I took over for her and have things moving. I have Unit-01 on an intercept course for the fight. He's giving that beast a bout as he is, but I'm not sure how we're going to get him the separation he needs without hitting him with the defensive weapons in the attempt."

She was glad to have at least one person she could always count on to keep his head in a crisis, "Once it's up top, eject the plug enough that he can get in. I'll let him know it's open." _If we're going to be honest with everyone about everything, it doesn't matter who knows I have him on speed dial._ Taking in the camera feeds, she grimaced at what she saw. The man she loved was fighting a giant twisted cable of light, and it was not obvious who was losing and who was winning.

+++++ 16th Angel + 0: Tuesday, December 6th (131)

"She's still tachycardic. Corpsman, I need that line run." Kyoko was hooking up sensors along Suzuka's body, "What's the status on a mobile sonogram cart?"

Ritsuko was typing away as fast as she could on a MAGI interface, "Kodama's still hunting it down. People aren't leaving their toys where they ought to. I'm going to track _them_ down and not leave _their limbs_ where they ought to be."

Rina, lacking the backstory, continued asking probing questions of her patient as she applied an armbar to stop that patient from hurting herself and others. That her patient was immortal, writhing in violent pain, and sweating badly enough that dehydration was already a serious concern could only be helped by getting the elegant woman to restore logical control over her body, "Can you tell us where it hurts, ma'am? Please, even a general area will help."

Hina had the I.V. line introduced, working in tandem with her twin sister, "Got it. Recommend stabilizer bar, here. She's not lucid." Hurrying to begin running fluids, she called back over her shoulder, "Still can't reach Temple. Don't know where mom is, but she's not answering her phone."

+++++ 16th Angel + 0: Tuesday, December 6th (131)

Punching the enormous double-helix strand did little, as its body was too malleable and there were no obvious internal structures to damage. His spear could dig wounds into the Angel, but until or unless he could find the core there was little he could do to slow the regeneration down. He himself had not come out unscathed, though his own natural regeneration was working to keep him in the fight. Scars would form, eventually, over those places where acidic burns and shredded skin took longer to congeal back into a system in hemostasis. He was aware of Unit-01's presence, but withdrawing from combat long enough to connect with the system would allow Armisael unopposed blows against it and him, or the freedom to devastate more of the city. He was fighting liquid, the being reforming and reshaping after everything he did. He was too small, a thought he never believed he'd have again, and that limited his offensive capacity.

+++++ 16th Angel + 0: Tuesday, December 6th (131)

"You stay right where you are, you…terrible mistake." Eve glowered death at her son, who stood calmly grinning where she'd left him. "Rose, dear, get your people out of here. Once our beloved wins, they'll just be pawns for my son to use against him. Leave me here, with Lilith, and do what you can to get ready. This-"

"How did you miss your child's presence?" Tabris asked pleasantly, "Your baby girl was _right there_ , but you didn't even notice her?" Clicking his tongue in disapproval, he sighed, "Tell me…did she pass along my regards?" His voice darkened, "Did Shinji enjoy watching his-"

Rose grabbed Lily's dress before the woman could approach, "Don't. Don't give him the satisfaction." The pink skinned starship captain had her own emotions switched off, the terrible deeds her people had performed weighing all the heavier now that the tragedies continued to mount, "I'm trusting you here, ok?" When her counterpart actually looked shocked, she shook her head, "Now is not the time. We both fucked Shinji up good. We both did terrible things. We both allowed terrible things to happen. Keep your head straight, evacuate Eve when it's time. I need to be on my ship now, because if this is the only surprise he had lined up I'll eat the [Song] planet."

Lilith of Eden, aware of the irony of the situation, clenched her fist and growled out, "Keep your people safe, Rose. Lover is going to need all of us, to help him and Suzuka…." Her eyes held pain, both for anyone who pissed her off, and for her own emotional hurts, "Go. I've got this."

+++++ 16th Angel + 0: Tuesday, December 6th (131)

"Please be careful, there we go," Usagi kept a beatific smile on her face as she urged people to carefully climb free of the debris held up by her allies. "The doctors are very busy right now, but they'll be with you as soon as they can."

Makoto Kino accepted Minako's help to set down a larger section of rubble, "We should be up there."

"Don't need to convince me," the Sailor of Love groaned. "The Princess and Rei are the ones ordering us to stand down."

Rei Hino, appearing quietly behind them, let her anger show a touch, "The rules of these fights are strict. He has access to our talents, but not our aid. Should he require the elements we control, he'll use them. For now, he requires that we help these injured souls. So stop complaining, and keep searching."

Ami and Maya sent the walking wounded towards the hospital wing, triaging those that needed more immediate aid. The bluenette Sailor of Mercury wanted to cry, the sounds of misery surrounding her, "What savage cruelty…."

Her husband was fighting. Her wife…was suffering. There was too much for Maya to do, and not enough of her to do it. "This is our life, Ami-chan. This is why we don't fight with each other like selfish children. We are always one minute away from having our entire world upended, and the last thing he needs is for us to be at each other's throats all the time over who he chooses to spend those few minutes he has with."

"I'll never think cross thoughts of you again," she whispered sadly. Gripping the woman who was as tall as she herself on the sleeve, she had her gentle heart in her eyes, "I am so very sorry that I thought you would willingly abuse him."

The kindred spirit before her earned a warm hug with the admission of fault, "The situation is terrible. It's just a series of horrible things, and people trying to work through them as best as they can. You pull your weight, like you are today, and we'll make it through. I won't let us fail, and he won't let me fail, ok?"

+++++ 16th Angel + 0: Tuesday, December 6th (131)

 _How's the evacuation going, Mother?_ Shinji was tiring, he knew his foe was too. The fight had stretched into the second hour, and neither side was ceding anything.

 _Shelters report full. Anyone who hasn't already made it…isn't going to._ She couldn't give much by way of advice, as the camera feeds struggled to keep up with the rolling brawl, _What's your play here?_

He'd built a home. His Aspects had built a base. A city…couldn't be that much harder. _I'm going to kill this bitch._ Flexing his dwindling reserves of willpower, he shoved Sahaquiel's shield into being around him and forced Armisael back. Allowing his body to fall towards the ground below, he willed an orb no larger than a golf ball into the void he'd left behind…and let go.

Sahaquiel, obeying the Purpose she'd been given by Shinji himself during his brief time as a nearly pure Adamite being, shifted her protection from around him to sheltering what she could of the GeoFront and the surrounding areas. She ignored his safety, ignored his will, and protected those he loved. Her physical avatar screamed in agony as the light of a miniature sun flared and died, smashing with immense force against her shield. Her emotions roiled, knowing that what she'd just felt…her 'Daddy' felt ten times over.

Shinji had been ready for that eventuality. Knowing that his defenses might fail, that there was no guarantee that the youthful Aspect he loved was even strong enough to absorb that much concentrated light. When the pressure wave drove him against her shield, boiling away the skin and blood of Armisael, he clutched to the one thing that would keep him awake and in the fight. He held to the knowledge of his failure. To the strength that pure hatred granted him. His body baked alive. His left eye, exposed by virtue of being on the side of his face that remained facing the explosion, bubbled away. He was being crushed between a shield crafted by the love he held for those beneath him, and the burning disgust he had for a creature that would murder children without true need.

Sucked upwards by the vacuum created when the explosion lost its energy and the atmosphere sought to reassert its rightful place on the planet, his right eye the only source of light for him, he used the power of flight to aid his acceleration towards his goal. A red sphere, larger than he himself. The heart and soul of the Child of Adam. That which made the being that would never know peace. Slamming his spear into it with both antipathy and determination, he created a second explosion as the very atoms that composed the orb were ripped apart.

As this second blast was directly before him, he had no protection and less capacity to carry on. Consciousness fled, gravity reclaimed him, and he fell to the Earth broken and bloody. Victorious…but at a terrible cost.

+++++ Author's Notes:

xXCARL1992Xx: RE: My problems.

There's a good reason that the Flight Attendants tell you to put on your own oxygen mask first. It's good and practical advice, and when you forget to do good and practical things you wind up paying through the nose for that fact. Thanks for your well wishes, and I'm glad you're still enjoying the show.

SK: RE: Speed.

This story has throttled down well below fifty miles per hour. Thank you for your well wishes, and I'm glad you're still enjoying the story.

chiposkippy: RE: Warm wishes.

Thank you, and I'm glad you're enjoying the story.

JaceSterne:

RE: Pacing.

I'm starting to flex the muscles again, so I'm hoping that I'll be able to stick the landing this year.

RE: Biological nanites.

Life is full of a multitude of ways to kill us all, or alter our core functionality as human beings. The pandemic sweeping our world right now is proof enough of that. Epidemiology is a valued science, for certain, but it's nearly impossible to always know for sure what causes things with any semblance of haste. My money's on the plague in my story having been caused by wombats.

Blackplant:

RE: The Empire.

If I were going to put someone in charge of a globe-spanning empire, I could think of many worse people than the man who's determined to allow everyone as much free will as he can, while providing as much safety and security as he can. It helps that he doesn't _want_ an empire, and won't look to misuse it.

RE: Well wishes.

Thank you. It's stabilized, at least. I'm still bailing water, but I'm at least not drowning anymore.

Martial Arts Master:

RE: Pacing.

The fact that I can't write as much as I want to has made what's happened all the worse. This story was my catharsis from a world that had already been hard. Now that I can't dedicate as much time to it? It's…challenging.

RE: Completion.

I'm going to finish this story, one way or another.

Guest: RE: Fun.

I'm glad you're having fun with it. Everyone needs more fun in their lives.

Huagh:

RE: Flow.

The narrative does skip about sometimes if you're not more recently in it. As it's gone on, and I've continued to reference things from much earlier chapters, it's only become more obvious to me that I apparently hate plot holes.

RE: Minami.

Gaghiel needed someone of his own, and Minami serves a purpose that neither she nor Shinji is aware of yet.

RE: Sailors.

Those five, and their inclusion, were a real beast to balance. I can't make them as powerful as they were in their source material, or Shinji'd become superfluous. In the end, I hope they work the way I intend them to.

origamishishou: (It's good to be back at it, as much as I am.)

RE: Your own story.

I'm certain that you can make it everything you want it to be, my friend. When I have time, I'd love to read it and see what you've come up with in your own whimsy.

Ghost Man:

RE: Characterization.

Balancing character with caricature so that everyone is distinct enough to remember without becoming one-dimensional is probably the bane of every writer's existence. Ultimately, that's why I reference hair colors and eye colors so often when people are speaking, because Shinji spends so much time with his eyes above people's chin-level to avoid potentially looking down at chest-level, that it serves to identify without becoming redundant.

RE: Kino/Hino.

Nice catch. Fixed that one.

RE: Sailors.

They are capable of corporeal manifestation outside of Shinji, so long as they've stored up enough of his love to maintain the body. They soak in his affection, in the time-dilated atmosphere of his soul, and then turn that into power outside of it. The problem is, if they've manifested physically they're subject to those rules. They can't become intangible at-will, though they can make use of their powers and potential. If they release themselves back into Shinji's soulspace, they become ghosts again. Whether or not another "death" is possible, they don't know for certain. A lot of this hasn't been explored, for pacing purposes. But there's the explanation that I can give right now.

RE: Infection.

I'm not entirely sure how Terror (Ireul) would be useful against the plague. As far as Armisael…well, if you've read this chapter then you know why that's not going to be likely.

RE: Chat.

Same to you, my friend. I try to check regularly for PMs.

TheHiddenLettuce:

RE: Well wishes.

Thank you. I'm just glad that people come back and read even after long hiatuses.

RE: Fuuka.

She got what she asked for. What she wanted? That's another issue.

RE: Minami.

I have a fondness for misunderstood characters showing others that the masks we all wear are just those. Her place in the story was always intended to be to show Hikari that she (Hikari) was way too hypercritical, despite her actions being well-considered. It also showed, however, that Hikari wasn't above "starting fresh" if the situation warrants it.

TripleF: RE: Well wishes.

Thank you, I appreciate the thoughts. I could use some luck.

Huagh: RE: Roles.

At this point…I think Suzuka, Nicolette, Tsuru, and Akane. Those three, if I'm remembering right, have not yet accepted their roles. (I have over one hundred thousand more words written at the time of posting this chapter, so I just did a quick scan.)

Johann Sebastian Bach: RE: Length.

I'm not sure I should be proud so much as placed in a mental hospital. Every time I see my audience grow, I sit back and wonder exactly how I managed to enrapture people with this unwieldly beast. Whenever you want, though. The story'll be here. Thanks for at least looking at it.

DariusPogChamp: RE: Chapters.

Yeah…I kind of overshot the mark. I had planned everything out to be around 100 chapters, and then kept finding more things I needed to say. Oops?

ZF IAnswerToNoOne: RE: Mister Toad.

I hope you enjoyed what you've read. I thank you for choosing to try, even if I failed to entertain.


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